start_date stringlengths 10 10 | end_date stringlengths 10 10 | thread_id stringlengths 8 10 ⌀ | subreddit stringclasses 1
value | subreddit_id stringclasses 1
value | total_score int64 -564 194k | text stringlengths 52 58.9k | num_messages int64 3 160 | avg_score float64 -55.17 14.3k |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
1664923055 | 1665027340 | t3_xvsy0b | t5_2to41 | 2,439 | upvoter1530: TIFU by using a ghostwriter as a therapist
Ok so basically I’m a ball of stress. Even though school just started a few weeks ago, I already feel ground down and stressed out. I’ve been really, really busy working, planning my wedding, and trying to graduate in the spring. I moved back to my parents’ house to save money last year. After living on my own, it’s depressing to be back here even though my family really isn’t THAT bad, and they even pay for some of my tuition.
And I’ve been trying but can’t even focus on my school stuff… I’ve really been struggling with one class in particular that I need so i can graduate with my double psych / sociology major. Let’s call it “Family Sociology.” I like the professor even though she’s really tough, but for some reason I’ve just been having a lot of trouble retaining the concepts and applying them. I’ve spent the past 2 weeks irrationally dreading the first major assignment, which was a 3-page essay about our own families and applying the concepts of the class to them. Meanwhile I literally only went home to sleep because I was so busy with work, finalizing the details for the venue for the wedding, seeing my fiancé, and school. I spent more time worrying about the essay than actually writing it, and suddenly it was due the next day and I had LITERALLY NOTHING. to make matters worse, I had a BAD DAY that day.
We had to go look at wedding venues during the day, and my mom was annoying as fuck as usual, the kitchen was a total mess because my dad never fucking cleans anything, and I feel like my sister is just trying to constantly start drama with my bridesmaids. Work was stressful and I barely got a lunch break. That night the clock was ticking and I just couldn't get any thoughts together to write.
So, I did something I’m not totally proud of and that I’ve never done before.
I paid a ghostwriter from a website to write an essay for the class. I gave them the instructions. They messaged me on the site and said that they needed some details about my family to write it. They said to give them as much info as I was comfortable with.
I did a lot of venting, maybe more venting than giving guidance. I told them that my dad is a passive spineless jackass who still manages to be a misogynist. I told them that my sister had a personality disorder and was probably an addict. I told them my mother is a toxic narcissist determined to ruin my wedding. Finally the writer was like, wow, that sounds really tough, I can take it from here.
And then I felt a lot better and went to bed.
Obviously, the site has stuff about how you're only supposed to use the paper as a guide, and I was thinking, ok…I'll just have them write it, seeing an example would help a lot, and then I'll kind of rewrite it to make it sound like my own essay. But by the next morning my sister was already stirring up shit, and my laptop was dead, and I was running late for work.
I borrowed my sister’s laptop and just turned in the document as I got it from the ghostwriter. Not a good idea obviously, I didn't even check if it had errors in it or if it really followed the guidelines, I did not even read it. But fuck it. At that point it was either a shortcut or just nothing at all.
I won’t lie and say it ate at me. I felt a bit bad, but I made a big effort to study more on my lunch breaks, and some of the content started to make more sense.
Fast forward to today…my friend texts me before I had a chance to look at Blackboard, and she tells me our professor posted our grades...and also a big warning about plagiarism.
I’m thinking, Fuck me. I have fucked up big time, and now I'm going to get kicked out or *at least* an F. My heart was pounding as I logged into Blackboard, and there it was…
*An A*.
The professor wrote a note saying she was concerned about my family issues, and she gave me the number for campus counseling. But she also praised the essay for a lot of other stuff.
I wondered why my professor would be so concerned about my family, so I finally read the paper. It turns out the writer basically wrote down what I had told them verbatim, and then added a lot of structure and concepts from the class. FML.
But I also got an A and I felt like I was doing better with the class concepts. So, basically a victory…? Time for ice cream to celebrate, I thought.
Oh right, so the fuckup...
I went downstairs to get the ice cream.
My sister and parents were sitting at the kitchen table together talking, but they fell silent as soon as I entered the room.
“So, u/upvoter1530, you think I’m a misogynist?” my dad said.
I froze.
“And I’m a toxic narcissist?” my mother asked.
Cue my parents tearing into me and screaming at me for hours.
And then they kicked me out.
**tl;dr** My parents kicked me out because I paid someone to write my essay, I vented to that person about my family like it was therapy, the writer worked everything I said into the essay, I got an A, and then my sister found it on her laptop and showed it to our parents, and now they think I just used their tuition money to talk shit about them.
TIFU.
afour23: I’m not in school but just curious what’s something like cost you? Your not a bad person for doing it so enjoy the ice cream and A
Never-On-Reddit: As someone who works as a professor, I don't necessarily think people are "bad" for using these services. I know a lot of my students in continuing education have families and jobs, so they may only use this service for a few classes they are failing or when they are too stressed out. However, letting someone else write your work will give you a disadvantage later on when you actually need this knowledge in your job (imagine someone like a nursing student doing this!) On top of that, it's unfair towards other students who are actually putting in the work. I don't think most classes are graded on a curve anymore, but those that are will also have the curve skewed.
It's extremely frustrating to us as professors. Sometimes you get a paper that is clearly not written by the student, because their writing voice is suddenly different, but unless it's clearly plagiarized, we don't have any way to prove that they did anything. Which means that my student conduct officer is simply going to dismiss the claim or refer them to our writing center without any kind of real penalty. That means I have to pretend to the students that this BS is actually written by them, and then give them a good grade for it also, when it's obviously not their work. It's so frustrating.
WilliamMinorsWords: I agree. I can tell when my students' work is clearly not their own. It's my job to make sure my students have the skills and knowledge that their degree says they do, and when they cheat, that puts them in jeopardy of not knowing what to do when they get out in the real world.
I get so frustrated with these students. I get having outside obligations, but I would rather work out turning something in late and doing it right, than them plagiarizing or paying someone to do it for them.
But in the end, it's their money, and if they want to pay someone else not to learn what they came there to learn, I guess that's their problem. Seems like a waste to me.
filenotfounderror: >But in the end, it's their money, and if they want to pay someone else not to learn what they came there to learn, I guess that's their problem.
The brutal reality is most students aren't there to learn, they are there to get a grade. They need the grade to get a degree and the degree to get a job. Learning is ancillary generally unless its a fairly specialized degree (medical, engineering, etc...)
Your class is a means to an end, and the end isnt always learning something.
>Seems like a waste to me.
I mean, if the grade(s) get them better job prospects and it works out that could be a pretty big ROI.
WilliamMinorsWords: But then they don't have the skills and knowledge to do any job they apply for.
Crizznik: Really depends on what you're teaching. Like if they're cheating in a high level physics course for a physics degree? Yeah, that's really bad. But if they're a sophomore taking an english pre-req for an engineering degree? Odds are they'll never need that skill, or the paltry degree of skill they do have will be sufficient.
WilliamMinorsWords: So, yeah.
About that.
I'm a former technical writer, and I worked for a number of engineering firms and aerospace/defense firms.
And it's exactly this kind of thinking that led to huge problems in massive engineering projects. Engineers not being able to write caused massive delays and huge overruns.
Can you explain to me why you think it's not important for an engineer to be able to write?
Crizznik: Eh, maybe engineer was the wrong example. There are lots of high level professions that don't require the ability to write well. And if it is really important, there ought to be a higher level writing course specifically for engineers. I'm not an engineer, so I was guessing.
WilliamMinorsWords: You need to be literate in every job. It reflects poorly on you and your employer if you can't write.
Crizznik: There is a wide berth between literate and good at writing.
WilliamMinorsWords: Critical thinking matters. Knowing how to write well matters. Expanding your thought processes matter.
There is a reason you learn more than just your major. This kind of narrow minded thinking is exactly why students need more exposure to new ideas.
| 12 | 203.25 | |
1429777721 | 1667320335 | t3_33kp1h | t5_2to41 | 11 | who_ate_the_pizza: TIFU by getting vertigo in a car wash.
Obligatory, this didn't actually happen today statement.
My wife and I each have a car, but I tend to do most of the driving. We're both extremely lucky to be able to work from home, so if we go out to get groceries, go to dinner, etc... I'll typically drive. That said, my wife has her own car, and does all the necessaries to maintain it. Oh, I should mention here, that her car is a manual trans, which I cannot drive. I've tried many times to learn, but my brain seems incapable of grasping the intricacies of the clutch pedal.
One Sunday, as winter was turning to spring, my wife decided that she wanted to take her car out for a drive, put some air in the tires, and get a car wash. She asked if I wanted to come and I decided to tag along. We get some gas, put some air in the tires, and head to the car wash. This is where things go very, very wrong.
We pull into one of those drive through car washes, where the entire process is automated. The light turns green and signals us to pull forward. She pulls forward. The light turns red, indicating that she stop pulling forward. She keeps going forward. "Stop", I say. She doesn't. "Stop!", I shout. She doesn't. "Oh my god, put your foot on the FUCKING BREAK!", I scream like some crazy abusive maniac. At this point, I've gone from zero to freaking out in about 3 seconds, and my wife is a mix of terrified and mad as shit. She starts yelling at me that she DOES have her foot on the break when it suddenly occurs to me that we're not moving forward, the car wash brushes are simply moving towards us.
At this point I start laughing hysterically and attempt to explain my insane rage. In truth, I was simply wanting her to stop to make sure that she didn't harm her car by driving over something she shouldn't. That said, it didn't help matters much, and although she laughed it off with me, it's a fuck up I don't think I'll ever truly live down.
Also, its worth noting that I legitimately thought she was pulling forward. I don't exactly know what happened but for those few seconds my brain simply could not understand that it was the brushes, not the car, that was moving.
Longpp87: That happens to everyone tho
who_ate_the_pizza: Cool comment
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1667085468 | 1667340853 | t3_ygxzjb | t5_2to41 | 116 | all_in_one_word: TIFU by telling all my neighbors I was super poor thinking that's how you celebrate Halloween
Obligatory this didn't happen today, but I still cringe every year around Halloween when I think about trick or treating.
Some background: My family lived in the US for about a decade before moving to Belgium in the late 1960s. At the time of the FU, Belgium was a country that did not celebrate Halloween.
Come back with me if you will to the 1990s, a time of denim outfits, chocolate cigarettes and songs recorded off the radio. I am in primary school in a rural region of Belgium. Everyone knows everyone in my tiny village of about 400 inhabitants.
It is the end of summer and I am planning my birthday. My birthday parties are somewhat famous, and it is mostly due to the fact that I always manage to mix a little something American into the party, courtesy of the family members who still live there. We would have cake but then instead of apple juice my mom would bring out a bright pink, candy-flavored pitcher of Kool-Aid. Or we would make sugar cookies but instead of basic shapes we would have access to this huge box of animal-shaped cookie cutters.
This particular year, I didn't know what to do to make my birthday special. I just started planning all the basics and figured I would think of something eventually. I picked out the candy I would serve (2 trays full), decided on the cake I would have (vanilla with chocolate frosting) and selected the music (making sure to include that one song which had a choreography I learned in dance class so I could teach everyone).
It is now the big day and I have decided to improvise. By now my friends have arrived and we’re all eating candy and generally being silly and having a good time. And suddenly it hits me: what better way to celebrate than to do Halloween! My mom told me once about how in the US children go around the neighborhood asking for candy. And here we are, a bunch of kids who love candy, it’s perfect!
Now, as I would soon find out, there was quite more to it than just going around the neighborhood asking for candy. First of all, Halloween is on a specific date, not on some random day at the end of summer. Also, and probably more importantly, *the neighbors are in on it*.
So here we are, all putting our jackets on and as we get out the front door I shout “See you in a few, we’re off to do Halloween!”. My mom somehow doesn’t stop me, probably because she has no idea how wrongly my tiny mind has connected the dots from her anecdote on Halloween.
I confidently lead all my friends across the street, so proud of giving them a glimpse of life in the exotic United States. I reach my neighbor’s front door and ring the doorbell. The elderly couple soon opens the door and suddenly I freeze. What now? How am I supposed to get candy from them? I have to think of something fast, everyone is watching me, and my poor brain, although it tries its best, comes up with nothing better than “Hi, I’m your neighbor from across the street. It’s my birthday today and we’re too poor to afford candy. Can I have some?” The neighbors exchange this weird look, which in retrospect must have been pity, go to their kitchen and bring me back a bag of candy, along with some well wishes.
I thank them triumphantly and move to the next house. Since my spiel worked, I keep using it as I go from house to house. Although every time I go to a new house, I get this feeling that something is not right. Like, really not right. I find myself skipping more and more houses and end up just cutting our Halloween short. I head home with a garbage bag (courtesy of one of the neighbors) filled with food that was nothing like I expected: incomplete candy bar multi-packs, clearly open bags of candy, a boxed Swiss cake roll, and various leftover pantry food.
I come home trying to play it cool. I stack up all the food from the garbage bag on the dining room table like some weird trophy, all the while trying to understand where I went wrong. We all feel too awkward to eat any of it.
And then it was time for cake.
Years later, a neighbor made a comment to my mom about all her "hardship" when I was growing up and she realized that this whole time our village believed she was too poor to afford candy on my birthdays.
TL;DR: Decided to celebrate Halloween on some random day in a country that had no idea what Halloween was. What I thought would be a fun birthday activity turned into me going door to door telling my neighbors I was too poor to afford candy so they would give me some.
Topdropje: In Belgium they mostly do know what Halloween is though but simply do not celebrate it. Same as my own country
Two_Tailed_Fox2002: Netherlands? If so, there's quite a few halloween events although its probably not as eventful as in the US.
Topdropje: Yes. In my city some clubs did organize some Halloween parties. Some people offered a ghost tour to all the more creepy places in the city. And I saw two people trying to trick or treat in my neighborhood but the person who opened the door thought it was weird and just closed it again🤣 I would do the same as nobody does that here so no candy or something to give. Here and there some pumpkins next to doors or other Halloween decorations but that's it. Not really a celebration but it's slowly getting more popular.
Two_Tailed_Fox2002: that kinda saddens me tbh, i know halloween does get celebrated here but like you said, barely anyone trick or treats here.
| 5 | 23.2 | |
1667146003 | 1667161465 | t3_yhi03y | t5_2to41 | 987 | [deleted]: TIFU by losing a friend
[deleted]
Icy_Engine_7648: The 'friend' who started the rumor is not a real friend.
Impossible_Tale_2173: I know that now, I’m just devastated it took this to find out
goatvenom: You should have made every effort to make sure that rumor never made it far, thus discrediting him or going to an adult.
parksandrecpup: 19 is an adult. What “adult” should they be going to? OP is absolutely old enough to have said something, and instead decided that it was perfectly fine for everyone to be talking about this girl behind her back.
goatvenom: I was saying he needed an adult due the fact he handled shit like a child. Yeah he may be 19 but he acts like a 12 year old when it comes to conflict and resolution. It was a call out of his behavior and instead he let a A "friend" talk shit about him and the girl he liked. Now if I were in her position I would evaluate at very least his constitution and the way he handles conflict and how he may resolve this. Definitely should be a flag for the girl on how he handles this from here. Knowing he had every chance to get on top of this rumor.
Edited my bed spelling
JSThabear: ...relax
| 7 | 141 | |
1664932182 | 1665002292 | t3_xvwd0f | t5_2to41 | 11,462 | PokerOTR: TIFU by getting scammed for $2k
So I'm a truck driver and last night I got scammed for $2000 dollars. It happened at the Terribles Gas Station right before Las Vegas. I parked there to go to sleep and shut down for the night, I went down from my truck to walk around and stretch my legs. As I was walking around, a black SUV pulled up next to me and a Rich looking Middle Eastern guy rolled down his window in a panic, he looked desperate and his wife was in the backseat crying with her 2 kids. He was asking for help because his wife's purse got stolen in Vegas and it had all their things in it like money and their passports. I saw how distraught this guy was acting so I took $30 from my wallet and I was going to give it to him.
He pleaded with me that he needed more because he was heading to San Francisco, so he offered his Necklace and Gold ring. I refused and told him to just take the $30 so I could just go back to my truck and rest. He kept begging me and offering his jewelry, I started to feel bad for the guy so I went to my truck and got $100. I was going to give this guy $130 FOR FREE, I told him I don't want his jewelry I just wanted to help him and his family.
He said he cannot take it for free and offered his jewelry still but said he would need more money. This is when I should've just walked away.... Call me foolish and naive but I just wanted this guy to go away so I could rest, so I figured that if I just gave him like $300 I wouldn't feel guilty taking the jewelry and he could have enough money to make it to San Fransisco. He kept pleading and begging and adding more jewelry and before I knew it I was giving this guy $750. Then his wife starts crying more and saying that they needed money for new passports and how it's $300 per person and that there's 4 of them. The guy offered the last bit of jewelry he had which was a Rolex watch that he said costed tens of thousands of dollars.
This is where I believe my greed got a hold of me because this guy is telling me hes a rich guy from Dubai and he doesn't care how much the jewelry costs, he's just desperate for cash so they can make it to San Fransisco and then back to Dubai. I don't know much about jewelry so I thought if I gave this guy $1200 for his Rolex Watch (that I assumed was real because he's Mr big shot from Dubai) I could sell the jewelry and get my money back at the very least. So in total I gave this guy $1950 for 2 Gold Necklaces, 1 Gold Ring, and a Rolex watch. I was skeptical of course but like I said I think my greed was clouding my judgement.
Once I gave him the money he began thanking me so much and prayed to his God, etc etc.... He hopped back in his SUV and drove off. I watched him drive off all the way till he went to the free way. I realized something tho.... This fucking guy took the freeway entrance going back to Vegas. That's when my stomach turned and I knew instantly that I just got lied to. His whole story was about how he needed money to go to San Francisco.
I walked back to my truck and laid down trying to process what just happened. I was staring at the jewelry and then I looked up "how to tell if a 18k Gold necklace is fake". Thats when I saw a News Video on YouTube about people get scammed on the road by Middle Eastern guys offering their jewelry. The news described exactly what I just went through and that the jewelry these scammers use is obviously fake.
I feel like an idiot and can't believe how naive I was to fall for this scam. I never thought I would fall for something like this especially since I watched scam call videos like Kitboga on YouTube.
TL;DR : I offered $30 to a family that I thought was in need of some gas money to make it home. $30 quickly turn into $130, then $300, then $750, and then a whopping $2000 for a fake Rolex watch and more fake jewelry.
edit: I just want to say. Although the person that scammed me is a scumbag, there's no excuse for giving $2000 dollars to a stranger I just met 10 minutes ago. That's just plain stupid and there's no excuse for that, it's 100% my fault. I'm by no means a rich person, but I'm not going to starve or fail to pay my bills because of this, but it's going to take awhile for me to get over it.
At the very least I hope this might help someone recognize if they're in a similar situation such as this one and get the heck out of there!
I took a picture of the watch on my wrist because the freakin guy put it on me and I couldn't figure out how to take it off
[Fools Gold](https://imgur.com/gallery/87WTUIh)
Edit 2 : A lot of people are asking me why I have $2000 cash on me in the first place. Although this is not a great reason, I play a lot of live poker so I usually have some cash on me. I am aware that it's pretty reckless but I do have this money hidden and secure.
Longjumping_Bed2907: Yea you got in what they call a highway robbery scam. I’m sorry it happened to you. Please report it. You’re lucky that they got away with just that. Also it good to hide most of your cash in the truck in the safe.
other_usernames_gone: Is it typical for a US truck driver to have that much cash on them?
$2k in cash feels like an awful lot to have on you.
cmerksmirk: Yes it’s normal. Most fuel stations give discounts for paying cash, and semi trucks have gigantic tanks
Edit for the pedant: many, probably even most fuel stations (gas and diesel, larger lots, aka truck stops) and many, if not most, gas stations (selling gasoline and sometimes diesel but not intended for semis) do too.
P.S. to the pedant; learn to not care about things that literally don’t matter, you’ll be a much happier person.
Aegi: Our fuel stations different than gas stations? Because if not, I challenge you to show that it's more than 50% of gas stations that give discounts on cash.
I didn't even specify a location, so the ball's in your court now.
lambda_male: [Here you go, dickwad](https://www.gasbuddy.com/gasprices/nevada/las-vegas). Of the 10 lowest-priced gas stations in the Las Vegas area, 6 of the 10 (60%) offer cash discounts. The "CASH" icon in green indicates cash discounts. If you click on the gas station with cash discounts, you can see the cash discount rate.
Aegi: But they said most, and they didn't define an area, which means we're either talking about the whole planet, or the whole US unless we define the jurisdiction we're speaking about.
I'm not asking if it's very common, I'm asking for proof that it's 50% plus one gas stations that do it.
lambda_male: You're trying to move the goalposts . You originally said the location was open to be defined ("*I didn't even specify a location, so the ball's in your court now*"), so I defined a location (LV, from OP's story) and proved what you asked for (60% > 50%).
Take the L and move on.
Aegi: But you're only doing that of the lowest priced gas stations, not of all the gas stations in that area.
You moved to the goal posts first by randomly bringing up the price point of the gas stations, whereas you talked about most of the gas stations without even defining a jurisdiction/location. I'm glad that you provided a location, but that doesn't mean you get to create new criteria about only looking at the cheapest gas stations.
lambda_male: >But you're only doing that of the lowest priced gas stations, not of all the gas stations in that area.
And? You didn't specify.
Aegi: I didn't need to specify You're the one that made the claim about most gas stations, not most of the lower priced gas stations.
lambda_male: I actually didn't make the claim, someone else did. I'm just proving your pedantic ass wrong.
CyanideFlavorAid: Gotta love it when people come in aggressive AND are so insecure they cant admit they were wrong.
This dude over here trying to get you to poll every gas station on earth before he will admit to being a clown ass.
cmerksmirk: Like seriously, ok dude I meant “many, probably most”. I’ll take the L just so you don’t have a stroke.
I made a statement I didn’t have statistics to back up, cause it’s so common in my area, and every area I’ve ever been in that I’m positive it is most- but no I’m not going to poll gas stations to “prove my claim”
| 14 | 818.714286 | |
1664933736 | 1665087133 | t3_xvwxio | t5_2to41 | 55 | These-Blackberry5874: TIFU by jumping in a family beef
TIFU Hey I'm really new to this reddit but I really do want to give my story this happend a while ago (me 19M Sister 22F) so I was sitting at my moms house with my sister, when my sister started annoying my mom (note my mother is very sick) so after a while of my sister none stop arguing and picking fights with our mother. She got really mad like really pissed, My mother wanted to get physical with my sister they where about to go fight.... So me 19m thinking shit I have to do something I jumped between them After that I got into a argument with my mother (this happend 6 months ago) I told my mom to stay calm but she was very angry she told me that I'm annoying etc as where I got mad and I told her I always pay for your groceries you should be thankful.. I know I made a mistake there and then because we got kicked out, I do have my own house so does my sister) so I went home and went to sleep (I always used to eat at my moms place)
BUT after the beef there hasn't been any contact not with my mom or my dad because my dad always side's with my mom, everytime I go grocery shopping I see them sometimes but they just ignore me
It hurts to the core to see your sick mother ignore you... I know I made my mistakes but I really don't know what to do anymore I tried texting my dad on WhatsApp but I only get the blue read check...
And it just hurts to not see them or know how they are
I hold a big place for them in my heart
Idk why I'm posting this maybe I want to get it off my shoulders maybe I'm looking for someone to give me a small piece of advice that can safe me alot of headspace, but it just hurts to see your own folks ignore you..... Thank you for reading!
update : 3 october i became 20 years old
it feels so weird not celebrating it with my mom or dad :(
TL;DR so in short
there was beef between my mom and my sister
i jumped in between now i dont have contact
AnonzyAccount: Something similar happened to me earlier today. If the argument was worth fighting for, It wasn't a bad thing for you to jump in. I don't even think there's a logical reason as to why your mom would need to make things physical anyways, but that's just me.
Whatever happened, happened. If they still want to hold a grudge over it, don't beat yourself up over it. Its been months since that happened, and its stupid to think that playing the quiet game will help. (Self experience on that part. It just ends in years of wasted time over something so stupid...)
Either way, If this still bothers you, I'm sorry. It's not your fault for what happened, and you did your best to help. If your parents choose to burn a bridge, its best to stop trying to put out the flames.
These-Blackberry5874: thanks for the advice and the kind words sometimes moving on and getting some clear thoughts are so hard in life
pooplingpo: If your parents are ghosting you over just this, they've probably been horrible to you for a long time. It can be hard to move on, but once you accept that as your course of action, it will be easier to make advances with it
| 4 | 13.75 | |
1667158723 | 1667167481 | t3_yhnqsz | t5_2to41 | 28,364 | Economy_Leek123: TIFU by being tricked by a straight guy into dating him
So to start things off. I’m gay, I live in a small town in the middle of nowhere USA. I’m a Male 18.
I wasn’t ever really bullied for being gay. Unless it was online everyone was cool with it except the super conservative families in town. Of course I’ve heard my fair share of names and threats but I shrug them off. It’s normal to me.
There’s this group of boys, who are like the super bro dude straight guy group of the school. They act more gay than I do but still call me names etc. In this group there’s this guy I’ll call Skyler.
Skyler is my age, looks like a puppy dog, and was very sweet to me always, but always presented as straight. Which is why I was shocked when he asked me out this summer. I mean. I’m not ugly or anything. I just didn’t expect this super dude bro jock to ask me out.
Our first date was amazing. I mean, it was on the Fourth of July at our state fair. We got corn dogs played games and he kissed me on the Ferris wheel.
After a few dates we had gotten a lot closer. (We never had sex though, he wanted to wait and I respected that) my ex boyfriends birthday was on October 20th.
He had this huge party and invited everyone and of course I wasn’t shocked when he invited me. This is where I was stupid, I was head over heels for this guy. I was like stupid in love with him. I mean I’d get giddy every single time I saw him and I’d get butterflies in my chest whenever he touched me even after three months. I was in love with him. I think part of me still is which is why I’m heartbroken writing this.
I bought my boyfriend skyler this beautiful pendant and chain. It was a 18 karot gold with a diamond. (Very expensive, cost me two years of working part time at McDonald’s) I was very excited to give this to him.
At his party he brushed me off the entire time. I gave him his gift and a letter that I wrote from the bottom of my heart. I thought we were forever.
Turns out it was all a lie. He started getting giggly with his friends reading the letter and when he finished he was crying laughing.
That’s when he started explaining that it was all a dare and that he only went out with the town “f slur” to win a bet. He thanked me for the necklace and went on with his party.
I’ve stayed home for several days now. Im heartbroken and just devastated. I thought this boy was the absolute love of my life. Turns out all of his friends was in on everything. To the text messages and the letters we would write each other.
We were on the down low because he said he wasn’t ready to tell his family he was bisexual. This was already a red flag I ignored because his mom is bisexual, and would’ve been completely fine with it. But this entire time he tricked me. He broke my heart into pieces and I can’t help but scream into my pillow. I want to hurt him the way I hurt. I want to hear him scream the gut wrenching screams I scream late at night when the earth is quiet into my pillow so my family can’t hear me.
I can’t go back to school, I am already the laughing stock on social media. I’m thinking of switching schools and going to live with my aunt. I was blinded by love and hurt.
Edit: I’ll update everyone on what happens next. I’m gonna tell his mom and try to get my necklace back. Thanks for the support everyone.
Edit 2: sorry guys mods locked the post because of the comments that violated rules. If you wanna post a comment. Check out my account and post a comment on my latest post ❤️
TLDR: ignored red flags of guy who asked me out, dated for three months, buy him expensive necklace, he says it was a dare
dbearco: One of you is an honest, loving, adult. It’s not him.
I bet almost everyone who reads this thread knows that immediately and feels nothing but sympathy and good wishes for you and contempt for the jerk.
Hang in there. This will probably suck. But when it’s over you’ll be stronger and my bet is you’re already much better prepared to have a wonderful life than he ever will be.
Economy_Leek123: I should’ve been smarter though. Like I could feel something was off but I genuinely thought we were in love. There were red flags but I brushed them off.
Eversnuffley: Simple solution : Next time you see him and his bros and they start laughing at you, say "Man, I can't believe I had sex with you." And really commit.
Economy_Leek123: This is brilliant. I might have to do this and record his reaction and post it here. LMFAO
Surfguitar: No straight guy hangs out for three months with a gay dude, kissing him on the Ferris wheel and "touching" each other. Dude is in the closet, got found out, or panicked, and is in damage control mode. Absolutely call it out in public. I'd go with "I can't believe I let you suck my dick!". Just to establish who's who.
Ziggyork: “When you sucked my dick, your technique was just perfect! You must have spent some time developing it. And when I blew my load in your mouth, you moaned so loud as you swallowed.”
RudeSprinkles1240: Nah. You can't moan and swallow at the same time. Sounds inauthentic.
ButterscotchNed: "You gurgled so much as you swallowed" - much better
| 9 | 3,151.555556 | |
1664946470 | 1665028562 | t3_xw1c07 | t5_2to41 | 91 | [deleted]: TIFU by not showing up to work and leaving my new co-worker all alone
[deleted]
CircusMonke: I've worked in retail for 7 years and I will never call out without making sure I have my shift covered. It's just not fair to my team. If I'm really sick and I show up to work sick, then they will find someone so I can go home early. If you want to keep a job, you have to consider the entire team.
GoblinCat669: After you already spread your illness to everyone else. I appreciate when a coworker doesn’t come in when they’re sick. All that does it lead to someone else getting sick and having to call in. It’s a toxic workplace mentality to not allow yourself to stay home when ill.
CircusMonke: Its called being responsible and wearing a mask. When you work in a place that only has 10 coworkers total, you quickly realize that the world doesn't adhere to every minor inconvenience.
GoblinCat669: I don’t work an easy field. 1 person out can run you pretty late to leave. Still stand by my opinion on the matter.
CircusMonke: Congrats.
| 6 | 15.166667 | |
1666403503 | 1666412413 | t3_yaazp4 | t5_2to41 | 10 | EpicKi1: Tifu by getting scammed cause I sent nudes
Tifu but going onto a subreddit and following a random but she ended up being a he and ended up being a person that scams people with their nude. Threatens to send it to friends and family and try’s to ruin your life. Idk what to do now. I sent him $120 but he wants more and he hasn’t responded to my messages after I told him to please drop it. I’m hoping it’s the end of it. What do I do?????
minitaba: you paid him money? Does he know your family or what?
EpicKi1: Yes I sent him money
Aiden_Does_Reddit: Knowing that you fell for this scam, "**Would you like to talk about your cars extended warranty??**
TheIncarnated: No, no. "I have a product to sell you, And I swear it's not an MLM, you just have to get all your friends to buy into it. I promise you'll make all your money back."
| 5 | 2 | |
1667174554 | 1667183809 | t3_yhuqxu | t5_2to41 | 104 | gay_panda56: TIFU by saying something without thinking and losing my friend
Idk where else to put this, me and my two friends were hanging out and we were having a stupid fun fight about Mac n cheese stupid shit. One of them has a shitty family situation and they said some thing about my family or whatever, and with little to know thought I said "you can't be talken" as soon as I said it I just thought "oh fuck wtf why would I say something like that" after a while of me sitting there in silence he left and I did too, I apologize profusely. He ended up saying he doesn't want to hang out or talk to me anymore understandably. Just fuck omg, he was a good friend and I fucking lost him because I couldn't think, even if I thought for two seconds I wouldn't have said it. I wouldn't have said something to fucked up to someone who has such a shitty situation. Now he is gone and I just sit here feeling like shit which I deserve. I'm a shitty person and I can't find the strength to think "I can make myself better I can grow, I need to work on me." I just sit here for hours hating myself all alone. I just wanna give up completely but can't because of my family. Idk how long it's going to take until I get over what I did. Ugh I'm fucking lost
TL:DR
I said something terrible without thinking and lost my friend.
Plainstation4now: Sounds like he took the first jab, if you live in a glass house you shouldn’t throw stones.
I would remind him of that and apologize on top of it, then let that be that and maybe he just wants time to process the situation, and whatever happens, it is what it is.
Prinz_: Remind him of that? OP isn't in the right. I'd argue that making light of someone's shitty family situation is a lot worse than someone talking shit about someone's comparatively better family situation.
Apologies don't come with "well you started it!"
eternal-harvest: Yeah, it sounds like the first comment was teasing/lighthearted and then OP went straight for the jugular.
Plainstation4now: Yeah maybe, and honestly it is a rude way to respond. Should always think before speaking, generally.
| 5 | 20.8 | |
1667178983 | 1667251924 | t3_yhwojz | t5_2to41 | 110 | Feisty_Text6309: TIFU by keeping my savings in gold
Title is typo I meant silver
I am a 19 yo male. For the last six years I have saved every dollar I've made from working and reinvested it in silver. I know that sounds stupid. But unlike a bank account physical currency like gold and silver hold up against inflation. Plus I liked feeling like a pirate. During covid I sold most of it when it was around 30$ and reinvested more when it was around 20$
In total I had around fifteen thousand dollars in silver ounces. This was really good for me BECAUSE If I didn't have the money locked somewhere I was terrified I was gonna be like my parents and spend it all. For a little background history, My mom and my dad never graduated high school, they were extremely abusive throughout my childhood. They would spend every dollar we had on smokes and chew. I would go several days only eating take out but at least they had their stuff. We lived paycheck to paycheck.
Well I took a gap year from college. I am beginning to apply and I got accepted to a small low scale school. I did the FASFA and I got around five thousand in grants. I was so excited! The tuition is around eighteen thousand dollars including meal tickets, room and board and classes. I was so glad that I had saved my money in silver. I had around 800 ounces. Well, tell me why I went to my garage where its usually kept. (I hadn't checked on it for a few months because of the current economy) and its all gone. Everything, at first I thought what you are all thinking right now. Must've been my parents right? They would've posted something on social media, my siblings would've told me something, there is no way they magically got fifteen grand and I wouldn't know about it.
My dad, leaves things unlocked occasionally. What I'm guessing what happened is that someone went into the garage and stole them without knowing what they were worth or did know and hit the jackpot. I am so angry, I am hurt and I am so sad. I yelled at my dad for the first time in my life today. I feel bad about it already. But we dont have any cameras. I didn't have the silver insured so I have no way to get it back.
This was my way to get out of this generational trauma my family pushed onto me. I was gonna be different, I was gonna get my kids birthday presents. I wasn't gonna tell my kids Santa Clause forgot to come. This sets me back so freaking much and I don't know if I can recover from it. I am so distraught. Years of savings down the drain.
I shouldn't of been an idiot and stored it in a bank vault or something. But I trusted my family to keep the door locked. Is it too much to ask of my parents for them to keep a door locked? I forgave all of their trauma and abuse over the years and was a pushover my entire life! But this?!? This was my future that they destroyed.
TLDR: I stupidly stored fifteen grand in silver in the garage and my dad left the door unlocked and it got stolen.
Prinz_: You need a bank account and a brokerage. You can buy a silver etf (what would probably be better, but more volatile, this is not investment advice, would be a sp500/nasdaq/dow Jones /any index fund in the world etf)
JefferyTheQuaxly: frankly just keeping the silver in a lockbox or something at the bank would be better than nothing.
ElectroStaticSpeaker: Safety deposit boxes aren't safe and aren't regulated. Would not recommend storing gold or silver in one. [https://www.nytimes.com/2019/07/19/business/safe-deposit-box-theft.html](https://www.nytimes.com/2019/07/19/business/safe-deposit-box-theft.html)
Ghost17088: As correct as you are, a locked box in a bank is still a vastly safer spot than being unsecured in an unlocked garage that impulsive broke family know about and have access to.
| 5 | 22 | |
1667190119 | 1667243556 | t3_yi0kl4 | t5_2to41 | 1,279 | Whole-Mulberry7: TIFU by kicking my sink’s drainage pipe
Earlier today, my mom told me to do the dishes while she and my sister went to go run some errands. I was incredibly tired but didn't really have a choice in the matter and decided to suck it up and do them. Incredibly early on I noticed water wasn't draining properly and that the sink started to become full to the point of overflowing. For a while I tried to manually drain the sink but soon realized there had to be something stuck in the drainage pipes so I went down and tried shaking the pipe a little. No luck. At this point in time I had been trying to drain the sink for about 20 minutes and became incredibly frustrated and decided to kick the pipe. Absolutely horrible thinking on my part. Water gushed out of the pipe all over my clothes and the floors. I was soaked with dirty dish water from the waist down and now had even more chores to do than initially.
TL;DR I kicked my drainage pipe and got the whole place wet by account today.
pattyG80: If you sonehow don't have a plunger, doing some hand CPR over the drain can help a bit.
Even an empty 2 liter coke bottle can work as a plunger.
Kicking plastic pipes never helps.
MyNameIsRay: They make little plungers specifically for sinks, [and they're usually <$5.](https://www.homedepot.com/p/HDX-Mini-Pro-Sink-Plunger-HDX311/302136270)
Totally worth the investment, works great and keeps the toilet plunger out of your sink.
Whole-Mulberry7: I’m telling this to my mom immediately
realahcrew: Careful not to plunge too hard though, because it could compromise the gasket seals in the connections of the pipes and you’ll just be stuck in this mess again lol
Source: I learned the hard way
MyNameIsRay: The lesson I learned the hard way was to cover the overflow hole with your thumb before plunging the bathroom sink.
Otherwise, you might spray that nasty stuff out of the overflow and all over your toothbrush.
realahcrew: Oh gross 🤮 definitely not a lesson anyone wants to learn firsthand. Thanks for taking one for the team, Ray 😂
MyNameIsRay: I'm just happy to know I can save someone else from cleaning up black sludge.
| 8 | 159.875 | |
1664976176 | 1664978971 | t3_xwakhm | t5_2to41 | 11 | [deleted]: TIFU By committing to NoFap has lead to a dramatic change in my sexual activity.
[removed]
Claymore209: TBH no level of hornyness can make you gay. You are gay, or at least somewhat gay. Also no shame in that at all btw. Having sex with multiple men and saying your not gay doesn't really add up lol.
Flie-on-Relty: Well I usually close my eyes and think of a woman whilst getting sucked off. It’s just I don’t want to masturbate to porn anymore but need a release.
When I bust I sometimes heave and feel sick. Im
not homosexual.
mtsmylie: There's nothing wrong if you are, OP. It's ok
| 4 | 2.75 | |
1667240509 | 1667739204 | t3_yik4u7 | t5_2to41 | 2,939 | ChanceGuarantee7801: TIFU by not knowing how to say no
For a little background, I (m18) am bi and I’m just figuring out my sexuality, It’s been hard to do so because I live in a very religious country and every not straight person is frowned upon.
I came out a month ago to one of my friends (m18) as bi, (he was the only person i told because before I told him, he told me he was bi and I felt like I could tell him about my sexuality), he was very understanding and I really like him as a friend, after i told him I was bi he became one of my closest friends.
A week ago he told me he liked me and wanted to have a relationship with me, i freaked out, i didn’t know what to do so i said that i liked him too, now i don’t know what to do because he keeps on making plans and i don’t know how to say no now, i just keep making excuses and hoping he stops liking me.
Today he message me asking if i wanted to talk to him on lunch break and i just ignored his messages.
Any advice is appreciated
TL;DR: I didn’t know how to tell a friend that I didn’t like him in a romantic way and now i’m f*cked
Edit: Thanks to all of you who wrote in, Im gonna tell him i’m not ready for a relationship yet, i’ll update u guys how it goes.
TwoKeezPlusMz: Whatever happens, please close that first open parenthesis.
TitanHawk: What do you mean (there's something strange here.
TwoKeezPlusMz: Oh no, not again!
DreamyTomato: Just for you: )
TwoKeezPlusMz: Praise you!
AFatal_3rR0R: (yes yes praise the Lord!
ZirePhiinix: (no, praise the sun
webaholicnobody: )
)
One more for the main post
)
Noidremained: ))))))))))))))))
webaholicnobody: ((((((((((((((((
Noidremained: ({}}
webaholicnobody: [][(![]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]][([]+[][(![]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]])[!![]+!![]+!![]]+(!![]+[][(![]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]])[+!![]+[+[]]]+([][[]]+[])[+!![]]+(![]+[])[!![]+!![]+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]+(!![]+[])[+!![]]+([][[]]+[])[+[]]+([]+[][(![]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]])[!![]+!![]+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]+(!![]+[][(![]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]])[+!![]+[+[]]]+(!![]+[])[+!![]]]((!![]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[!![]+!![]+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]+([][[]]+[])[+[]]+(!![]+[])[+!![]]+([][[]]+[])[+!![]]+(+[![]]+[][(![]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]])[+!![]+[+!![]]]+(![]+[])[+!![]]+(![]+[])[!![]+!![]]+(!![]+[])[!![]+!![]+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]])()((+[]+[][(![]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]][([]+[][(![]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]])[!![]+!![]+!![]]+(!![]+[][(![]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]])[+!![]+[+[]]]+([][[]]+[])[+!![]]+(![]+[])[!![]+!![]+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]+(!![]+[])[+!![]]+([][[]]+[])[+[]]+([]+[][(![]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]])[!![]+!![]+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]+(!![]+[][(![]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]])[+!![]+[+[]]]+(!![]+[])[+!![]]])[+!![]+[+[]]]+([][[]]+[])[+[]]+([]+[][(![]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]])[!![]+!![]+!![]]+[][(![]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]][([]+[][(![]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]])[!![]+!![]+!![]]+(!![]+[][(![]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]])[+!![]+[+[]]]+([][[]]+[])[+!![]]+(![]+[])[!![]+!![]+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]+(!![]+[])[+!![]]+([][[]]+[])[+[]]+([]+[][(![]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]])[!![]+!![]+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]+(!![]+[][(![]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]])[+!![]+[+[]]]+(!![]+[])[+!![]]]((!![]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[!![]+!![]+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]+([][[]]+[])[+[]]+(!![]+[])[+!![]]+([][[]]+[])[+!![]]+(+[![]]+[][(![]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]])[+!![]+[+!![]]]+(![]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]+(!![]+[][(![]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]])[+!![]+[+[]]]+([]+[][(!![]+[])[!![]+!![]+!![]]+([][[]]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]+(!![]+[])[+!![]]+([![]]+[][[]])[+!![]+[+[]]]+(!![]+[])[!![]+!![]+!![]]+(![]+[])[!![]+!![]+!![]]]())[!![]+!![]])()((![]+[])[+!![]]+(+[]))+(+[![]]+[][(![]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]])[+!![]+[+!![]]]+[][(![]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]][([]+[][(![]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]])[!![]+!![]+!![]]+(!![]+[][(![]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]])[+!![]+[+[]]]+([][[]]+[])[+!![]]+(![]+[])[!![]+!![]+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]+(!![]+[])[+!![]]+([][[]]+[])[+[]]+([]+[][(![]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]])[!![]+!![]+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]+(!![]+[][(![]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]])[+!![]+[+[]]]+(!![]+[])[+!![]]]((!![]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[!![]+!![]+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]+([][[]]+[])[+[]]+(!![]+[])[+!![]]+([][[]]+[])[+!![]]+(+[![]]+[][(![]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]])[+!![]+[+!![]]]+([]+[][(!![]+[])[!![]+!![]+!![]]+([][[]]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]+(!![]+[])[+!![]]+([![]]+[][[]])[+!![]+[+[]]]+(!![]+[])[!![]+!![]+!![]]+(![]+[])[!![]+!![]+!![]]]())[!![]+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]+(!![]+[][(![]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]])[+!![]+[+[]]]+(![]+[])[+!![]])()((![]+[])[+!![]])[+[]]+(+[]+[][(!![]+[])[!![]+!![]+!![]]+([][[]]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]+(!![]+[])[+!![]]+([![]]+[][[]])[+!![]+[+[]]]+(!![]+[])[!![]+!![]+!![]]+(![]+[])[!![]+!![]+!![]]]()[([]+[][(![]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]])[!![]+!![]+!![]]+(!![]+[][(![]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]])[+!![]+[+[]]]+([][[]]+[])[+!![]]+(![]+[])[!![]+!![]+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]+(!![]+[])[+!![]]+([][[]]+[])[+[]]+([]+[][(![]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]])[!![]+!![]+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]+(!![]+[][(![]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]])[+!![]+[+[]]]+(!![]+[])[+!![]]])[+!![]+[+[]]]+[][(![]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]][([]+[][(![]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]])[!![]+!![]+!![]]+(!![]+[][(![]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]])[+!![]+[+[]]]+([][[]]+[])[+!![]]+(![]+[])[!![]+!![]+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]+(!![]+[])[+!![]]+([][[]]+[])[+[]]+([]+[][(![]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]])[!![]+!![]+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]+(!![]+[][(![]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]])[+!![]+[+[]]]+(!![]+[])[+!![]]]((!![]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[!![]+!![]+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]+([][[]]+[])[+[]]+(!![]+[])[+!![]]+([][[]]+[])[+!![]]+(+[![]]+[][(![]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]])[+!![]+[+!![]]]+([]+[][(!![]+[])[!![]+!![]+!![]]+([][[]]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]+(!![]+[])[+!![]]+([![]]+[][[]])[+!![]+[+[]]]+(!![]+[])[!![]+!![]+!![]]+(![]+[])[!![]+!![]+!![]]]())[!![]+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]+(!![]+[][(![]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]])[+!![]+[+[]]]+(![]+[])[+!![]])()(+!![]+[+[![]]])[+!![]]+[][(![]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]][([]+[][(![]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]])[!![]+!![]+!![]]+(!![]+[][(![]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]])[+!![]+[+[]]]+([][[]]+[])[+!![]]+(![]+[])[!![]+!![]+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]+(!![]+[])[+!![]]+([][[]]+[])[+[]]+([]+[][(![]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]])[!![]+!![]+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]+(!![]+[][(![]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]])[+!![]+[+[]]]+(!![]+[])[+!![]]]((!![]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[!![]+!![]+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]+([][[]]+[])[+[]]+(!![]+[])[+!![]]+([][[]]+[])[+!![]]+(+[![]]+[][(![]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]])[+!![]+[+!![]]]+(![]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]+(!![]+[][(![]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]])[+!![]+[+[]]]+([]+[][(!![]+[])[!![]+!![]+!![]]+([][[]]+[])[+!![]]+(!![]+[])[+[]]+(!![]+[])[+!![]]+([![]]+[][[]])[+!![]+[+[]]]+(!![]+[])[!![]+!![]+!![]]+(![]+[])[!![]+!![]+!![]]]())[!![]+!![]])()((+(+!![]+(!![]+[])[!![]+!![]+!![]]+(+!![])+(+[])+(+[])+(+[]))+[])[+[]]+![])[+[]])
| 13 | 226.076923 | |
1667238992 | 1667276849 | t3_yijda8 | t5_2to41 | 244 | rockythegeek: TIFU by trying to make an egg sandwich at 1am.
All I wanted was something to eat at 1am.
I’ve been trying to lose weight, so I skipped dinner. I just wanted a small bite coz I’ve stayed awake pretty late.
Now I just saw this short recipe of an egg sandwich on Tik-Tok. I am being 100% honest. I am NOT a bad cook. I can cook a lot of different recipes easily, I’ve been cooking since I was 12. (am 21) I can cook recipes like curries, steak, pasta, tacos, basically anything, as long as they aren’t too complicated or isn’t on a professional level.
So what does this recipe show? Chopping some onions first. What do I do? I take out 3 onions and I chop them. Took me a bit of time since I cut myself pretty badly earlier in the year so I try to do chopping as slowly as I can (safety’s sake)
Now. I live in a topical country. So lizards are pretty common. Yesterday, there was one running around in the kitchen. The protocol is pretty simple. Everything is concealed. So there’s no open foods for lizards to go around and eat or whatever. So that’s fine, right? Just hours ago, I went into my room. My dad probably sprayed some pesticide (the lizard ones) to deter it from coming near the section where my utensils are.
So when I took the pan. I never realised that the smell kinda lingers.
I turned on the stove, cooked the onions and then smelt the really weird pesticide smell.
Now. I’m pretty sure I am safe, and I could have continued cooking with no problem, but I decided to stop cooking. And throw away all the onions, because the smell seemed to linger near the pan/stove.
So that’s that. I wasted 20 mins and 3 whole onions. Thank god I didn’t crack the eggs up at the very least. What do I eat in the end? I clean up, and then put 2 slices of cheese on bread and eat it. Not even toasted. I give up.
TLDR: Had a lizard around my house. Dad sprayed pesticide. Smell was lingering. After I chopped 3 whole onions to make my egg sandwhich, I ended up throwing them away out of fear of the pesticide smell being so near the pan/stove. Ate plain bread and cheese, not toasted.
KBunn: 3 onions for a single sandwich?
That wasn't an egg sandwich. That was an onion sandwich with an egg garnish.
indipit: I love it when a recipe just says 'chop one onion'. and doesn't specify. I live in Texas. One standard yellow onion is the size of a softball. I've learned to look at the rest of the recipe, and adjust for what I think I'd like.
Ok_Investigator8544: Size of a softball... Got me belly laughing!
| 4 | 61 | |
1667241305 | 1667694849 | t3_yikjbk | t5_2to41 | 62 | Abdominal_Alex: TIFU by getting a speeding ticket
TIFU by getting a speeding ticket
I (24 M) don't post much to reddit but this is the biggest mistake I've made in a long time. Obligatory happened a few months ago but learned about TIFU by watching YouTube. Also im a little drunk as i have not much to do these days so forgive the minor spelling errors. So, This was a massive domino effect. I was in a bad spot but I've worked out of it. I was 600lbs girlfriendless jobless ( for the most part) and a NEET. I went to school for tech and graduated . I got a job at Uber and left because I hated working for home and worked for a self driving car company in the bay area that will stay unamed. I did very well and got a few promotions and my life was kicking ass at the time. I was learning about a world I had no idea about. I was working for people that worked for Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg. It was wild! For most of my life I worked as a security fulltime and part time call of duty player.
As I got adjusted to my new life I met cool people and went to parties and world changing meetings. My job in particular was working inside of the AVS (autonomous Vehicles as we called them). Driving and picking up NPCs (as the engineers called them) and got paid more than I have ever as a 24 year old ex security guard. I even met a girl who I loved with all my heart at work.
I worked for 2 years there and even got a friend to join. This friend loved the job and bought me an economical car so we could both carpool as I commuted to the bay from 2 hours away. I would pay him back through the job that we both worked at and both made good money at.
Life was perfect until I got a speeding ticket. I was on the way home with my first girlfriend and I was 300lbs from my max at 600lbs and feeling good but with my commute i was very tired as I worked nights. I was halfway home when I saw the blue and reds behind me. I got pulled over and got my first ticket. I went home and thought nothing of it. After awhile in small talk I spoke to my friends at work about the ticket and they turned white in the face. One told me "(redacted company) doesn't allow any points on your driving record at all". I panicked and people told me I could fight it but as it was my first speeding ticket I just payed it and thought nothing of it.
It took awhile for them to find out and I continued to work then my new car broke on the freeway as I got home. I sold my previous car because it was costing me alot in gas. The mechanic told me the engine blew and recommended I scrap the car. I did just that.
I carpooled with my friend for 2 months until he told me one day that he had other plans for his life and that he would quit in 1 month. I was devastated but happy that he had a plan for his life, so I found a coworker that I am I living with to commute with. He lived far from me so I would use my grandmothers car that I lived with at the time to get to his house.
This worked for awhile until my grandmother told me that that our landlord was selling and she would be put in a nursing home by other family members (she was having heart surgery st the same time too but thats another story, she's fine now <3) I ended up finding a place for me and my friend who was living with my grandmother and I at my coworkers house.
I lived here for 3 months until I get the call and my job says they've recived an "issue regarding my driving record" and if it wasn't rectified I'd be fired. I tried finding ways to get my ticket expunged but as I learned once you pay it youve plead guilty to it.
My girlfriend breaks up with me because she's not ready for a relationship (even though it worked until I got fired) and I end up being on unemployment with no car and no qualifications that are any use in any place other than the techy bay area. I am applying for any job I can get and over the many months I've been unemployed I've been rejected from McDonald's to PG&E and any jobs that I can do are too far from me to get to on public transport. I've gone from 300lbs to 450lbs and been drinking... alot. I feel like im in the same spot I was in before I started doing security and it sucks. We have no food as my friend works at a movie theater and my roommate works for the same company but keeps his supplies separate. It sucks he works for the same company because I have to hear people asking how I'm doing and I tell him to tell them I'm doing fine as to not worry them
My little family i have hasn't helped much either. I know it's my fault but they think I did it on purpose so I didn't have to work or commute. I loved my job and the commute was tolerable because I lived the job so much. I can't even see my grandmother because her eyes are to bad to drive the way up to see me. I feel pretty alone but my friends are helping me alot and I've learned alot of good lessons from this situation
Im hoping this week with the promising job leads I have that Ill get something going soon and I think it will but I feel better getting this out there. If nothing. else I wish I didn't stress eat but I'm working on it.
TL;DR worked my way into a good life and good health and good love but with a speeding ticket lost each one in the matter of a couple months.
Justryingoutreddit: I know it’s hard, but if it’s your first ever speeding ticket most traffic lawyers could knock it down to a fine with no points. That shouldn’t have been an issue.
BoringCrow3742: or, novel concept, drive at the speed limit, break no law, get no ticket, cheaper insurance too. put the cell phone away, dont tail gate, actually drive like you value your life and the lives of those around you.
Justryingoutreddit: Sometimes people go over the speed limit, it happens
BoringCrow3742: its illegal, the same way running someone over on purpose is, or robbing a bank with a gun is.
either all laws should be enforced or none.
Justryingoutreddit: You’ve never gone over the speed limit in your life?
Xannann: Bro probably can't drive
| 7 | 8.857143 | |
1667243984 | 1667252388 | t3_yilwql | t5_2to41 | 1,189 | fuzzifluffy: TIFU by becoming a high school teacher after doing onlyfans
[removed]
TubaJustin: The only real mistake you made is admitting it. You should have denied, denied, denied. Then got the admin involved when those kids showed you explicit images of some girl who looks kinda like you.
senorx12562: So lie, in other words.
A-purple-bird: Yes..?
senorx12562: Well, I just don't see that as good advice. And ethically wrong to boot. Doesn't seem like a strategy for retaining a job teaching children. And you can bet that the district would use that as well when the shit hits the fan.
Metradime: > doesn't seem like a strategy for retaining a job teaching children
And... authentically explaining to high schoolers your past as a sex worker does?
GermanoMuricano117: I understand that we should forgive and forget but you are never going to be accepted in certain professions if you were a sex worker in the past, so many life lessons in this thread.
Metradime: I don't think there's anything that necessitates forgiveness here, nor do I think being a sex worker in the past should prevent you from entering a new profession. The correct answer is just to say that it's an inappropriate topic to discuss - which is true and ethical.
GermanoMuricano117: The idea that it would just end there with that statement is beyond crazy to me, at least in the American education system. All the dads would pass it around and at least one set of parents would raise an issue to the school board. I'm pretty sure that nudes and getting fucked on the Internet is grounds for dismissal.
Metradime: >the idea that it was just end there
In a professional environment, it does.
>All the dads would pass it around and ar least one set of parents would raise an issue to the school board
To which the school board would ideally say "we don't find so-and-so's previous employment relevant to the any discussion in this setting"
>I'm pretty sure that nudes and getting fucked on the internet is grounds for dismissal
Is or should be? Because it's not and it absolutely should not be.
GermanoMuricano117: Your right in your own head, in the real world that doesn't work sadly. Good luck in a few years
Metradime: Uh bless your heart too there partner
| 12 | 99.083333 | |
1667243392 | 1667283459 | t3_yillyj | t5_2to41 | 1,335 | [deleted]: TIFU by getting a nose piercing and now my family hates my boyfriend.
[deleted]
JC1812: I feel like you should just tell your mom the truth…
_apatheticaesthetic_: I feel like you are right. But talking isn't really her strong suit and I don't know how to tell her "I am embarassed by the way you treat me" without offending her or making things worse.
ghostttoast: And you’re 26?
Gernia: Stunted social ability can often come from many things, she might be a fully functioning adult in other settings than with her parents.
For me, this seems like a socially abusive relationship, however it is impossible to draw such conclusions from just this short piece of text.
ghostttoast: I just don’t understand how people can actively dishonor themselves by shrinking their boundaries and needs. I have my own salad bar of mental health issues and crippling anxiety, but I be damned if I made it even worse on myself by pretending I didn’t have an opinion or the ability to express myself.
Like OP is 26, has a relationship, but isn’t able to stand up for themselves? Kinda seems like some things are out of order here
fangowango: Everyone goes through something and has their own struggles.
Me right now reads this story and thinks she fucked up by lying, and needs to communicate better. Me a few years ago may have made the same mistake.
We live and learn and hopefully grow
ghostttoast: Yea but people can benefit by also being their own critic and understanding what the should work on and being aware of the parts of themselves that aren’t good qualities (learned or otherwise). Like if OP can have a relationship, have sex, get piercings, but not be able to be like even a tiny bit honest to those around them, that should be something addressed first. Because their an adult. And adults have to deal with and fix their own problems without ruminating on the whys and becauses and complex reasons behind their coping mechanisms or decisions to not act…. Like trust me everyone goes through it and everyone have their own issues but we all benefit by realizing our own flaws and trying to address them like well adults who want to take care of ourselves and be self reliant and self sufficient.
fangowango: I'm not saying you're wrong. I was pointing out that you sounded as though you were minimizing her clear struggle with this while also acknowledging you have your own issues going on that maybe you struggle with. I know it's internet strangers but let's be more empathetic and challenge them to grow, not just hammer them.
_apatheticaesthetic_: I appreciate you and your empathy, thank you and keep spreading kindness :")
| 10 | 133.5 | |
1664985197 | 1664994613 | t3_xwea74 | t5_2to41 | 14 | [deleted]: TIFU by telling my roomie that I inadvertently got his bird to sing C-BAT
[removed]
throwRA_catlover26: HWTA HAPPENED
Aromatic-Spend-1057: Look at his account
OB1KENOB: Was he blocked or something?
| 4 | 3.5 | |
1664989016 | 1664993068 | t3_xwfy2d | t5_2to41 | 14 | [deleted]: Tifu by possibly ruining my relationship with my sibling
[deleted]
Mcmuffins998: You are supposed to tell us how you ruined the relationship. Not just back peddle to make yourself seem like the victim.
whyyousobadatthis: >back peddle to make yourself seem like the victim.
here is the first clue on what they did wrong
| 3 | 4.666667 | |
1664989694 | 1664993069 | t3_xwg90n | t5_2to41 | 393 | [deleted]: TIFU by saying multiple dudes have been with my girlfriend NSFW
[deleted]
weissmanhyperion: The clap back was too savage bro
No_Love_1353: Savage, but too savage? Nah.
weissmanhyperion: It was too savage for his girl which is why we're here.
No_Love_1353: But would it be too savage for someone in control of their feelings?
RonamusMaximus: Not the point, THFU because he is, or at least should be, aware of his SO's insecurities, which is why we are here. Savage, for sure. Too Savage, in this instance, yes.
_lord_nikon_: Incorrect. Insecurities or not SHE stated the conversation. SHE made hypocritical comments about his friendship and absolutely should have been called on it. Letting this kind of thing slide only sets you up for emotional manipulation.
eggyguerrero: Bingo. If he conceded on this, then it opens the floodgates for her to behave in a way that he never would
| 8 | 49.125 | |
1664990796 | 1665048324 | t3_xwgq84 | t5_2to41 | 5,451 | performance_issue: TIFU by sending a picture of myself to my straight friend
Read the edits at the bottom of the post before commenting.
This wasn't today but more like yesterday, well kinda both yesterday and today I guess.
So I (19m gay) have been friends with this guy (also 19 but very straight) for about 4 years I think, and he's what I'd call my best friend or atleast a close friend.
I've liked him for a few years aswell and I told him because I felt guilty about it and he was totally completely okay with it. And he treated me no different for it.
About a year ago he had met a girl that he really liked and had talked about her a lot. he asked her out about a week later and he's just obviously absolutely crazy about her. And when he told me he had asked her out it hurt a lot more than I had expected and I finally realized that I don't just like him but I am actually in love with him and I felt like shit about it for like almost a month and kinda stopped talking to him for the most part. After a few weeks he reached out to me and we talked about it for a long while and he helped me feel better and I slowly felt less guilty about it and went back to normal after a few days.
Anyways fast forward to yesterday I had taken a booty pic, It was the sitting on the bathroom counter side cheek type angle. And I had asked if he was alright with me sending it to him for an opinion on the picture. I've sent him somewhat similar pictures before for the same thing, like pictures of outfits and clothing asking what looked better and so on and so forth, it wasn't unusual. And since it was my first ever booty pic I've seriously taken in my life I wanted to ask him for his opinion about it.
He said it was fine and that I could go for it and send it. And so I did send it, and he reacted fine. We talked about it and he told me what he thought was good about it and we joked about it a bit and then we went onto another subject and just talked for a bit longer for the night and then said goodnight to each other like we usually do when talking with eachother late at night.
The next morning I had sent him a meme or two and another picture but of my hair because I never really showed him how long my hair really is and he laughed about it and we chatted a bit. But sometime later in the day I had realized that he had blocked me on everything. I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel a little bit of panic.
My best guess is his girlfriend ended up seeing the booty pic and freaked out about it or something, and made him block me or else they're done or whatever. She's known about me and she's known that I love him for about as long as he's known and they've been together but I guess this broke some kind of line.
I've felt like crying ever since I've noticed and checked my Instagram account and discord. She even made him ban me from the discord server he made for his friend group. I feel sick to my stomach. I know how crazy he is about his girlfriend and I understand why he would've listened to her. I don't blame him but that doesn't change that it hurts a lot.
I know that he'd never be able to love me back because he's straight, and well the fact we live a pretty decent distance from each other (atleast a 6 hour drive.) further guarantees that it's not a possibility and I was okay with that. I was okay with just being able to talk with him, because I didn't only love him but because he's also just a genuinely amazing friend.
I just feel like shit. And I hate myself so much. I have so much regret and I wish I had a time machine or just the ability to go back and stop myself from ever doing it.
Tl;DR sent straight close friend my first ever attempt at a booty pic asking for his opinion like I have with many other pictures, I guess girlfriend freaked out about it and made him block me on everything and I'm scared I'll never get to talk with him again.
Edit: i wasn't nude in the picture. He's straight he wouldn't wanna see that obviously.
Edit number 2: I didn't send the picture to try and come onto him or seduce him or whatever, I took the pic because I'm seeking another guy.
Edit number 3: HES AN ONLINE FRIEND. Idk why this isn't clicking for some of you. If he was an irl friend then obviously I would go see him in person but that isn't the case.
SmittyManJensen_: I have a friend that would do this and he would always escalate a little bit more when he felt the opportunity presented itself.
You knew he wasn’t interested in you in that way and you discussed it many times, but you still don’t seem to fully grasp that, even now. Take this as a learning opportunity to realize people have boundaries, and it may have very well been him that decided to block you.
[deleted]: Yeah, but he also asked him if it was okay to send the pic and they also joked about it.
SmittyManJensen_: Unless he told him the content of the picture then how could the friend determine if it was okay or not? And regardless, some people are averse to confrontation, and may just block you (like in this instance) rather than tell you they were not okay with the sexual advances.
performance_issue: I did tell him what the picture was. I spoke specifically about what it was.
Tanagrabelle: And it didn’t matter to him. But he decided afterwards that it did. And you want to blame it on the woman, which sure it’s entirely possible that she saw it and said I know how I feel when a man I know sends me this kind of pic. But it is also equally likely that he thought about it, felt very uncomfortable, and decided that you had manipulated him into letting you send him that picture.
performance_issue: How is explaining to him exactly what the picture is and then asking for permission manipulating him?
Tanagrabelle: Because my suspicion is that’s what he thinks you’ve done. That is what it looks like to some of the people who have answered you, which is the problem. It doesn’t matter if you didn’t think you were doing that. Because you are only in your own head, you’re not in the head of your friend. So, let me put it this way. You have written two paragraphs saying that you believe his girlfriend made him do this. You have no evidence at all that his girlfriend ever even saw the picture. But you want it to be her fault. Because if it’s not her fault, then it is your fault, or his fault. Or both.
performance_issue: It is my fault regardless after all I'm the one who sent the picture.
>That's what he thinks you've done.
That's what I did do, I explained the picture and then asked permission. There is no "thinks" that's exactly what I did. I don't understand what you're saying.
And I believe his girlfriend did it because ive known him for 4 years. Me and him have talked about so many things, I know him pretty damn well. And from what I know about him, him blocking me out of the blue without external pressure would be extremely out of character. I may be wrong but I have 4 years of knowing him to fight against that.
eTHiiXx: Lol dont listen to this person, its a classic example of misery loves company. I hope you can resolve the issue with him face to face and explain to his partner there was no ill intention behind it.
performance_issue: I wish I could apologize. But I have no way to.
tisnik: You have nothing to apologize for.
Don't let certain redditors make you feel that you're evil.
performance_issue: I do need to apologize though. I made atleast one of them uncomfortable with that picture. And I am sorry for doing that. And I wish I had a way to say that, and to say that I'd never do it again.
tisnik: Well, he agreed to see the picture. And you told him what was on it in advance. So you're ok with him for sure, not the asshole at all. It's he who is because he blocked you without any explanation. He at least could explain himself.
And you should have absolutely no guilt towards the girlfriend. If she's jealous of you, gay guy, then she doesn't trust her boyfriend. And if she forced your friend to block you, she's abusive and bad girlfriend.
| 14 | 389.357143 | |
1665028596 | 1665084353 | t3_xwvgvx | t5_2to41 | 238 | Y0ur-Auth0r: TIFU by eating with my bitch ass bird
So I (14m) have a parakeet. She's really fucking dumb but I love her. Anyways tonight I was eating ramen while she hung out on my lap, just chirping away. Now note that this ramen was made with a shit ton of eggs and soy sauce (thanks mom, didn't want that in it but love you so I'm eating it), so definitely not the healthiest to be eating. Anyways, my sweet sweet bird decided to start chirping. Usually I play along and whistle back, acting like we're causally having a conversation. Tonight was no different, except for the fact that my mouth is full of egg filled juice
It. Went. Everywhere.
Worse thing is that I did it FOUR MORE FUCKING TIMES BEFORE I STOPPED BECAUSE I HAVE THE TISM AND IM VERY FUCKING STUPID
And then the little bitch steals a huge mouthful of egg and runs off
Frantically researching whether she's gonna die from all that salt or not. Any information is GREATLY appreciated. Thanks for listening to my rant reddit
TLDR: salt filled egg flew out my mouth, bitchass bird stole it and might die. Send help
Edit: she ended up fine! Although, when I had her out today, she had a bald spot on her wings near the ends(it was very small though) so now I'm gonna have to buy anti feather plucking food and a bunch more toys to keep her off her feathers if it grows, she's a rescue so it might either because she's molting or she's having a relapse, we'll get through it though! Will be posting photos of the little floof soon
Ill-Cardiologist-882: I don't know why but I read the title like you have eaten ass and I was so confused when you mentioned a bird.. I need to leave this sub for a while.
southernshy: I read the title as he ate his bird. Kept waiting how you could accidentally eat a live bird
Y0ur-Auth0r: Wow this banana sure is crunchy
| 4 | 59.5 | |
1665086650 | 1665293654 | t3_xxet7t | t5_2to41 | 10,000 | tweakybiff: TIFU by accidentally letting a rat inside my house (long).
**Night of the Rat**
I didn’t get any sleep two nights ago, and here is my story.
I live in the mountains on the Front Range of Colorado, and I happened to leave a door propped open for a bit to move a large ladder in and then out of the house. I didn’t think much of it, and went about my day. Later on I was sitting at the kitchen table, and heard a sound. At first I thought it was just the ice maker in the fridge, but it became apparent it was something else. I went in the kitchen to investigate, and it appeared to be coming from behind a basket I use for glass recycling that is tucked underneath the kitchen counter. I pulled out the basket to see, and there was a nice healthy rat with beady black eyes cowered back in the corner! I immediately set up a boundary of pictures and other objects to try and block him in kitchen, and I grabbed a broom. I tried to get him, and pin him down with the broom, but he was so fast and wily! He scampered under the oven, and I could see him under there with my flashlight, with those black beady eyes. I moved the oven an inch or two from the wall, and he ran to hide in the boundary I made. I tried to get him again with the broom, but the highly energetic rat made it past the boundary, and hid under the couch in the living room. The front door is only a few feet away, so I propped it open, hoping he might just scamper outside. Then I lifted up the rather heavy couch, and tried to direct my little friend to the front door with the broom. Well, I lost track of him, and went around the house on my hands and knees with my flashlight to try and spot him. After I couldn’t find him, I thought he must have gone out the door at some point, and dismissed it.
Later that night, I went to bed as normal and fell asleep around 11:30 pm or so. I keep an insulated cup of water, and a CPAP machine I use on my bedside table. I sleep on my stomach. I woke up at 3 am or so, and I thought I felt something cross my back. In my sleepy state, I wondered if it was just the movement of the blankets settling, but then realized it was something else! I sprung out of bed like a grasshopper on a hot plate, and checked the blankets for rats! Nothing. I got out the flashlight, but could not find anything. I was too tired to deal with it, and tried to go back to sleep. I put the blankets over my head, tucked them in all around, and used the CPAP as a deep sea diver’s hose. I was eventually able to go back to sleep. A while later, I felt the feet on my back again, and this time I sprung up and saw him! He jumped off the bed and ran into the next room. He was hiding underneath the stereo in there. I put a Havahart trap down near the stereo, and went back in the bedroom. I saw that he had been nibbling on the silicone mouth piece on the metal straw I use in my water cup, and left me a poop too! Gross! I took the cup downstairs, and put it in the kitchen sink. Then I went back in the bedroom, and closed the door, put down a twisted up towel, and a guitar amp to block the bottom of the door. I also used 99% rubbing alcohol all over my bedside table. I cocooned up in the blankets again with the diving hose, and tried to get back to sleep. Well, I felt the feet AGAIN! HE WAS IN THE BEDROOM! I was really frazzled at this point.
I was not getting any sleep, and had to do something. I decided to set a trap. I went downstairs to the kitchen and retrieved the cup. I put the cup back on my bedside table, and also put a Havahart trap right next to it, rigged with some cashew butter, and a jar lid filled with water as bait. I cocooned back up with my dive hose, and tried to get some sleep. I was in a half-sleep state, and I heard a noise from the trap! False alarm. I must have brushed up against it with the blanket or something. Back to sleep again, and a while later, I heard the trap again, and I had got him! Phewwww! I got a little more sleep, and then took him to a nice field a few miles away and released him.
Trapped Rat! -> [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YemnmD6QEJE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YemnmD6QEJE)
Rat Release-> [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oV5DvS6cO\_g](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oV5DvS6cO_g)
TL;DR
A rat got into my house, and was in my bed while I was sleeping! I trapped him, and put him outside without harm.
&#x200B;
Edit: Thanks for the eyeballs, comments, awards, and up boats (are we still allowed to say that?)! I read comments saying it looks like a pet rat. That thought is harrowing, and I certainly hope not! I think these comments mostly stem from the way he acted in the release video. Believe me, he was much more wild acting all night! I think he was just played out, and very thirsty by the time I released him. There are no accessible water sources here, no pet bowls, no dripping faucets, and I have auto-close toilet seats. I have a cistern, and every drop of water is brought here by truck. If someone let him out, that would be terrible! Up here in the mountains, there are foxes, coyotes, mountain lions, and bears. People around here would be careful about a rat getting out, or anything, as people lose dogs. A neighbor of mine watched their dog get carried up the mountain in the mouth of a mountain lion! Thanks again everyone!
monpetitfromage54: You lost track of him and fucking fell asleep.....multiple times???!!!?? My wife would burn the shit to the ground before going to sleep without knowing for sure where that thing was.
CanIBake: I can already feel myself getting tired and manic if that were to happen to me. I would probably have to stay up 48 hours if I couldn't find it the first day, I would go insane.
softkittypinkkitty: A year ago me and my roommate saw a mouse, it was smaller than garlic. We did our makeup while shaking, thew ourselves outside, went to a bar and got blackout drunk because we wouldn’t be able to sleep otherwise. We found it dead the next day. Best hangover ever
MarcusTheGamer54: Why are people so scared of mice though?
rhymes_with_mayo: Small, fast, dart around in a creepy way. Hard to describe why it's unsettling if you haven't seen one in your house before.
You know they're there, but they're hard to spot. So you know there is an intruder but you can't *see* the damn thing. So then you're listening as hard as you can and suddenly it jumpscares you from an unexpected location, then disappears again in an instant. So you are hyperaware of its presence and yet it is nowhere to be found.
softkittypinkkitty: Yes! And to me it’s more disgust than fear. I would hear mice running around in the attic and not be able to sleep. Right when I think they’re done, I’d hear that gross little pitter patter. Then I focus and listen closely to make sure I’m not hearing things, and I hear a fucking squeak. It’s torture
kittyidiot: But they're super cute!
I have pet rats and used to have mice. My only issue with a wild one would be the possibility of Hantavirus, but rodents are adorable.
I like rats more than mice, though.
softkittypinkkitty: what even is your point
kittyidiot: I was just saying I like mice :p
Though out loose in your house uninvited must suck because they get into your food. I don't understand the revulsion but I do understand not wanting uninvited guests all up in your food!
softkittypinkkitty: Not even that. It’s not like your dog stealing half of your sandwich and running away with it. they are a literal health hazard
kittyidiot: Yeah, with any wild animal it is, though mostly only if they bite you or if they have parasites if you consume their feces.
I share food with my rats but I also know they don't have diseases.
Pests are pests, after all. I just don't get the disgust but others don't get why I like them. To each their own and all!
softkittypinkkitty: no, mice getting inside the house alone is a health hazard. getting into your food, eating them touching them etc are extremely dangerous.
i don’t have anything against people liking them lol it doesn’t weird me out or anything. i understand how reading things like these might upset people who keep them as pets so i get your reaction too don’t get me wrong
but for me and a lot of people it’s literally a health issue. it’s not just from bites or consuming their feces lmao their existence _in_ the house alone puts peoples health at risk, so saying they’re cute isn’t really a “but”. like it’s not relevant
kittyidiot: I wasn't arguing with you, no one wants pests in the home. It was just a conversation about mice.
Anyways, you're right on the last bit. I thought hantavirus was just bites or coming into contact with its bodily fluids, but the *particles* from its bodily fluids can get into the air and transmit as well. I stand corrected on that point.
| 14 | 714.285714 | |
1665098662 | 1665200542 | t3_xxjhee | t5_2to41 | 95 | plotweapon: TIFU by playing sexual meme songs and probably traumatizing two old women as I drove past their home.
So as some background, I (25M) love meme songs, especially old classics from when I was in high school. May be stupid, but I have a dumb sense of humor and it amuses me. I’ve been waiting to start a new job and have lots of free time, so have taken to going on drives around the city I just recently moved to while my girlfriend is at work. Today I was doing that, and had an urge to listen to my meme music playlist since it had been a while since I had. Didn’t occur to me at the time, and the main reason all of this happened is recently my car was broken into and a window was smashed (I normally roll up my windows when I play stuff so as to not bother others).
Was driving around in the hills of the city I live, and “Suck My Dick Hoe” by Lil B comes on. I was unfamiliar with this part of the city, and had no idea a retirement home was there. Oblivious to this, the song is almost over before I see, and I restart it a second time. Right as I get into a mini traffic jam on the street caused by a moving truck - everyone was stuck driving very slow. Two old ladies are walking past me on the sidewalk out of their building, just as the based god himself utters his classic “hoes on my dick ‘cause I look like Matlock” lyric.
I have never seen someone more appalled in my life. I was driving past them and initially like “aww look at these two old ladies walking together, cute” until it plays, they stop in their tracks as if on cue, and start staring at me. I keep driving slowly as I realized I fucked up, but neglect to stop the song, definitely worsening the situation. One starts gesturing at me with a scowl, while the other is looking frozen in place with her cane. I realize suddenly and naively waive at them (with good intent) and sorta stick my head out of the window. Seems to have made it worse, my olive branch of apology seems to have been misinterpreted as some arrogant gesture, and then they begin raising their voices and walking towards me. Out of shame and regret, I roll up my driver’s window and cut my music. They were thankfully slow and the jam cleared more, and I was able to escape, but I never came out here with the intent to piss off two old women and traumatize them. Surprised they got angry in the end somewhat, but at least they’ll have a story to tell as I do on the bright side? A man can tell himself that at least. Poor women.
TL;DR - Probably inadvertently traumatized and pissed off two old ladies just trying to enjoy their day with my shitty meme music/humor.
Louis-Rocco: Traumatized? Lol. Old people aren’t snowflakes.
LurksAroundHere: Right? Younger people are more shocked/fascinated by sex and think sexual jokes are edgy because it's relatively new in their lives while old people don't gaf because they've already lived through many decades of sex and have already seen it all lol.
| 3 | 31.666667 | |
1665220914 | 1665287512 | t3_xyo9s7 | t5_2to41 | 11,924 | T_P_K_: TIFU, camping mishap
TIFU, camping mishap
Okay so let's set the scene. My gf and I thought we'd go camping as a fun date and went to a somewhat local woods. Not the first time we've been so we had a general idea of what we were doing and had an awesome time, gas stove and snacks galore with a few beers and the great outdoors. We were using a poncho which is basically just a waterproof sheet that goes over the top with no sides, not a fully enclosed tent.
Anyway the fun part, before we're about to settle in for a glorious night of blanket tug of war in the trees the overwhelming urge to go and relieve myself needs addressing. Baby wipes in hand I venture into the darkness and find a good spot to release a considerably runny poo, unpleasant but necessary. Clean myself up and head back to get my head down without any problems.
The next morning we wake up, not in any particular rush we're sitting under the poncho and hear I lady shout something about her dog which is running towards us which could've been bad, no lead ( which is fine because she probably wasn't expecting to find people camping on her dog walk) so immediately I'm like oh okay maybe it's not the most friendly but he seemed nice enough at first. She shouts again and I hear her this time warning us of her dirty dog. What I was not expecting when the curious fluffer arrived to say hello and investigate our little area was the dogs face was smothered in poo! He's poking his head in and around verywhere but luckily only got a little on the blanket. She promptly apologises saying he rolled in something nasty, puts its lead on and away they go with more apologies.
My gf then gets a baby wipe and wipes the blanket down while I feel panic set in as realisation comes across my mind that she's wiping up my poop from the night before that the dog has obviously found and thought was rather interesting. I went for a quick "wee" to basically confirm my worst nightmare and surely enough I was not wrong. I then proceed to explain to my gf what knowledge I had just acquired and thankfully instead of vomit and disgust she laughs for a good 10 minutes at how ridiculous that just was and the fact that that poor woman was saying sorry to us after I basically shat on her dog.
The shame!
TL;DR. Went camping, pooped in the woods, dog finds said poop and returns to sender in the form of play which gf then cleans up not knowing it was mine.
Update: Everyone who suggested a shovel/spade/trowel I completely agree with you however we hadn't packed one. Definitely a must for if we ever brave a third attempt.
And for all the shade thrown my way, I also agree. Im not trying to hide from that at all, that's why I posted it here in the first place.
She's definitely a keeper and for those asking why I told her, I just couldn't keep that knowledge to myself.
iLoveSTiLoveSTi: Lol dig a hole and bury it bro. Never go camping without a shovel!
goodknightffs: Yup it's pretty simple really lots of use for a small folding shovel too!
PioneerAT: They sell a small spade for this specifically. It’s called the “deuce of spades”, which is a magical name.
SonOfZaknafein: Beat me to it by 19 minutes
Tom_Traill: We learn this in boy scouts. Now I know why.
purduephotog: >We learn this in boy scouts. Now I know why.
And baby wipes don't dispose. Use TP. Yeah it isn't as 'nice' but it breaks down a hell of alot faster.
scitzo85z: I use polystyrene sheets.
| 8 | 1,490.5 | |
1665244701 | 1665261212 | t3_xyw9id | t5_2to41 | 242 | GassyTac0: TIFU by begin a gassy asshole in the phone
Alright lads, long story short.
Context:
2 months ago I sent my curriculum to every single possible job entry I could find since I really want to get a better pay, one friend tells me that I give him my application and he will sent it directly to RH to one of the best paying company in my city because he KNOWS the head of RH there, after that he tells me to wait for a opening.
Fast forward 2 months to yesterday and present day:
Each fucking day for the last 2 weeks I been getting calls like, every single 3-4 hours from phone companies offering me "a better deal" to change my phone plan to them, like i fucking know the prefix of the phone number that is going to be fucking them, so i just start fucking them telling them they are calling Blockbuster, doing moaning sounds, using the same lines the other company uses to them, you get the gist, silly shit.
Today, just about 4 hours ago, i was on the bathroom taking a quick 1-2 and sending a work related email, before I press the fucking sent button I receive a phonecall, i recognize the prefix and see that my email didn't send (and i forgot that draft emails exist).
So i feel the thunder of Satan about to come out of my ass and think "you know what, you will witnesses this you god damn fuck".
So as soon as I pick up the phone, i lift my ass a bit to the side of the toilet and let it rip like fucking hardcore thunder clap (obviously my phone wasn't in any way shape or form near the ass, but the toilet seat made the perfect acoustic sound amplifier, my phone is secure of my farts).
However, this is when my soul leaves though my anus too, when I hear "Hello, this is Anon from [Company Name] are you-" while my fart completely fucking obscures her voice.
After that i just hear silence and "Have a good day" and then it hangs up.
I check the prefix again and I didn't realize that i fucked up with 1 single number that was different since I was mad.
I just went full pale and felt retarded, 1 hour passes and my friend calls.
"Dude, what the flying fuck did you do? Anon from RH told me she called you"
And so, my application is all sorts of banned in there for the rest of my life probably and that is how I lost a interview at one of the best paying companies related to my career.
TL;DR: I farted in my phone thinking it was some assholes that keep calling me every day just to annoy them and it turns out it was a call for a interview at the best paying company in my city.
HairyNutsackNumber9: Just tell them your phone has been acting weird and making loud static noises ever since you got caught in the rain the other day
HOLDGMEBROTHERS: Everyone knows a fart noise dude
HairyNutsackNumber9: in my experience employers love employees that can lie
fomoco94: But they don't love employees that are childish enough to fart in their phone.
HairyNutsackNumber9: i feel like that would be dependant on the person calling
| 6 | 40.333333 | |
1665241944 | 1665267659 | t3_xyv6hf | t5_2to41 | 372 | Bean_Juice_Brew: TIFU by scrubbing my pits n' bits with tingly tea tree shampoo
Like many TIFU submissions, this one started with good intentions; unlike many, this just happened! So I decided to take a nice hot shower before going on a family trip; this is one of those long maintenance showers you take because you know the car ride with a screaming child will be miserable. While in the shower, I notice that my wife has a nice tea tree shampoo in the hanging rack above the sprayer. Here's where the tifu happens; I think to myself, "what better way to deep clean the ol' growth forest?" I lather a big handful into my hair and then give the boys a good scrub down. It was only after the icy fist of doom gripped my satchel that I thought to read the bottle.
*"indulge in a burst of freshness with this blend infused with tea tree oil, peppermint and witch hazel. And invigorate your senses with a minty-tingle and discover hair that is shiny and healthy looking"*
I also applied it to my armpits along that same line of logic. As I'm writing this, my pits are catching on fire. Dreading putting on deodorant...
Tl;dr scrubbed pits n' nuts with tingly tea tree shampoo and am feelin' the burn.
ragedknuckles: Op i i got into poison ivy and i grabbed the wrong bottle in the dark and lathered on pure mint extract thinking i grabbed lavender oil... yeah i couldn't sit in cold water nor hot water
RedDinoTF: Ohhhh i cant even think what it did
ragedknuckles: Oh my satchel turned purple lmao it hurt so bad. So when i did it.. my wife was asleep on the couch. I walked in there with just a t shirt and said hey babe .. i think i fucked up.. woke up out of a sleep and said oh god what did you do.. told my dad later on and he said i thought you were just rubbing random shit on your weiner son.. lmfao
ruseriousordelirious: Dad logic at its best🤣
ragedknuckles: Im telling you lmao i was 24 i think when this happened
| 6 | 62 | |
1665253780 | 1665287151 | t3_xyzx7y | t5_2to41 | 321 | Tekripsz: TIFU by trying to have sex with a virgin.
This happened yesterday and I’m still reeling from it lol.
So I’m not the most experienced myself either so I’m not big on judgement in that area. I met this boy earlier this week and went out on a date, then a day later he asked if I wanted to come over to his house while we were on the phone.
Cue yesterday where he picked me up and brought me over. His house is nice, his room was very much in the farthest back of the downstairs you could go. (Not the best cleaned either) We placed a few bets on each other the night before which led to us walking around naked pretty much most of the morning. One of the bets he lost was a bit odd and def more of a turn on for him. He wanted to be tied to a chair and have a shake funneled down his throat. I did it, albeit a bit uncomfortable myself since it’s not my sauce.
We then did some naked cuddling which turned into me getting him off and him trying to get me off. I’m fat so I’ve got a lot more cushion for the pushing, and he had a bit of a hard time finding anything down there. First he was just rubbing the outside skin area, and once he realized there was more then went in to rubbing more of the side of my vagina. I started adjusting and tried moving his hand so he knew where to go and things were dandy for a while. Then he went in harder than I liked, and along with that came his fingernails which was painful. Told him to stop and he did.
We made lunch and watched some movies/YouTube for a good while before he was ready for round 2.
Round 2 started with him asking me to be more of a domme mistress, which I am very much a submissive person so this was new to me. I tie him back up to the chair and do some dirty talk (very badly from my end ngl lol) I move him over to the couch and hand him a condom, he doesn’t know how to put it on so I had to help a bit in that department. After he tells me this would be his first time, not a big deal as long as he’s fully consenting with the situation.
He wants me to lead a bit and be on top. I’m only scared for two reasons, one I am sooo much bigger than him and two is that I’ve personally never been on top. I get on top and slip it in, it was fine for a few seconds until he kept slipping out every time I put it back in. So we decide to switch over to missionary. He put it in too high, then a bit low and finally had gotten the placement right, and had trouble thrusting, then lost his boner and apologized. He tried getting me off solo but ended up hurting me so I tried to get him to stop. I think he thought my sounds were more pleasure than pain, but it was painful.
I tried to make sure he didn’t feel too bad about his first time, could just be performance anxiety. He took me home pretty much after that. Tbh I had all of my friends saying I shouldn’t have seen him after the first date so it’s on me.
TL;DR. He had trouble with women’s anatomy and finding the right hole. I ended up sore and hurt in the end.
happie-jappie: >He put it in too high
Ummmmmm. .. "I don't want that shit in my belly button, that's kind of like intercourse"
Tekripsz: Funny enough I have a story of a guy who tried intentionally sticking it in my belly button 😔
happie-jappie: I mean, you can't drop that kind of teaser and then not tell the story!!
Tekripsz: Okay you’ve cracked me 😂 I have some other gems from that same interaction.
I was trying hookups and met up with this guy in a hotel. He made it pretty clear beforehand that he was a big fat fetish person along with being a feeder. He bought us pizza and fed it to me, when I would get sauce on my face (I’m a messy eater lmao) he took away my napkins and sucked the sauce from/around my lips 😭😭
Along with that we started getting spicy and learned neither of us brought a condom. So we did some non penetration stuff but along with that he tried fucking my rolls and then my belly button. He also had the same issue of fingernails when trying to get me off 😬
All night earlier too he would stick his fingers in it and spat in it once. When I went home the next morning it was fully red raw and hurt to bend my torso because of how much he handled it lol.
happie-jappie: You need put in your whatever profiles that you require your partners to well manicured nails lol. So, based on this information of him trying to fuck your belly button - I'm going to presume he wasn't the most well endowed partner? 
Tekripsz: A quick nail check before we go in anymore. Haha also I’ll just say it was just enough to work with.
| 7 | 45.857143 | |
1665259106 | 1665296890 | t3_xz20vb | t5_2to41 | 13,273 | Superman2663: TIFU by telling my GF about War
I (38M) have recently started dating (31F).
I've been single for nearly six years prior to this. I had a very difficult relationship previously. I felt used for my stability and the constancy that I provided. I'm not the kind of person that thinks that all women are awful or that the dating world is entirely and perpetually flawed for men in my age range. But, typically, I have poor judgement when it comes to other people's intentions and that has certainly lead to a string of situations where I was valued almost exclusively for what I provided and not for who I was. To some degree - I think that's alright.
But I needed a break so I left the dating scene for a longer period of time.
I'm a Veteran. I served following 9/11 and while most people in my life know that I am a combat veteran their knowledge starts and stops there. I live in a large city and there seems to be a general lack of empathy or respect for military service. I am pretty OK with that in that I generally don't want to relive that part of my life. That doesn't mean I didn't enjoy or that I am not proud of my time in the uniform. I am. But I am very alright with moving forward in my life and not having it be central to my current experiences.
The problem is that I have PTSD.
Not as bad as most. I think that I made out very lucky compared to some and the bulk of my symptoms are not constant. I tend to get a little tense sometimes at night and can struggle with vivid dreams. This is not an every night thing. It comes in fits and starts lasting usually a week, maybe two if it is a bad go, and then fading back. Very rarely I have extremely intense dreams that wake me suddenly. I can be disoriented during this time or very emotionally activated.
After I separated from the military - I became a military contractor and changed my career to a technical field. I got myself educated/trained in a technical specialty and built work experience working as a civilian contractor overseas where I built myself a substantial nest egg. I was mentored by good men on investments and income generation and have done very well for myself. I hold a full-time position back in the states now with a generous salary and benefits. I've taken care of myself physically and despite having several injuries I've stayed very active. So, in regards to PTSD, I have it much better than some and I'm very grateful that is the case.
(I'm sorry this is so long.)
This girl and I met several years ago but I was not dating and she was seeing someone. We clicked right away but never spoke of it, or crossed any lines, and did not maintain communication. To the point where when I thought of her (I did not reach out) I wondered if I'd imagined the entire thing or if she'd felt it as well. Well, a few months ago, she reached out and we met up and the sparks were there. The boyfriend she was seeing is long gone and we've started to date. This is the first time I've opened myself to a romantic relationship in a very long time.
Things have progressed and she has begun spending the night. This is where my first anxiety has come into place. I didn't want to suddenly have a bad episode at night with her there. I didn't want to speak about or even acknowledge my PTSD. I'm embarrassed not only of having it but also of speaking about it because so many men endured and endure so much worse. I have so little to complain about. But with her spending the night I had to at least tell her that sometimes I can wake up suddenly and seem very frightened, or alert. I don't, or haven't, done anything like dive onto the floor or reached to arm myself. But I do suddenly bolt upright sometimes. I have called out before. And other times I get the shakes for a few minutes and feel very confused about where I am.
So, I told her. And she was an angel about it. But she also asked me to talk about what it was like with her and some of the things that I remember and struggle with.
In the past, I've never gone there with someone. I think sometimes the truth is not what people, particularly women (in my experience), really want to hear. But, in the past, I've been often criticized by past partners of being emotionally unavailable and closed off. They've been critical of my inability to be open with them and have expressed feeling like there were parts of me that were a stranger to them and that it was part of what drove our relationship into negative places.
Without excusing any of my ex-girlfriend's decisions or behaviors - she wasn't wrong in this criticism.
But still, I couldn't bring myself to really open up to my new GF. She pressed gently but left it alone. She was very sweet through this. Very encouraging. She told me that there was nothing that I could say that would change where we were going together and that she appreciates anyone who served our country. She's a generally empathetic human being and I felt relieved that she didn't really press me to elaborate in that moment.
I felt more secure and safe. She told me she loved me. She clings to my arm when we walk together and she compliments me on my body, my clothes. She tells me that I'm handsome and that she feels lucky. She posted me on her social media and introduced me to friends, coworkers, her parents.
Three days ago, though, I did have a fairly rough wake up one night. It was not my worst. No yelling. But I bolted upright in bed suddenly and startled her awake and, apparently, sat very silent and tense for a few seconds while she tried to ask me if I was alright. I don't remember her asking me repeatedly. I only remember hearing her and telling her that I was fine and thinking it was the first time she'd asked. I settled fairly quickly after. I usually do. But she, again, gently asked me to share with her what I see during these nightmares or what memories I have that bother me.
I looked at her. This beautiful young woman. And, for the first time in a very long time, I felt seen and I just didn't want to ruin things. I didn't want to push her away. I've done very well on my own but there's something blissful in being loved and loving someone and for whatever reason I opened up. I shared with her a single account that sometimes bothers me. She asked detailed questions and I answered. At first, anyway, I answered openly. But I began to see, even in the dark, her expression changing. I saw worry in her face. I wouldn't call it fear but I certainly saw uncertainty. And I understood what was happening too late because her next question was, "Did you enjoy being there, though?"
I'm convinced almost every combat veteran can tell you that they enjoyed it. Even the scariest, most violent moments. There's some part of us that comes alive in a way during those situations that just can't when we get back home. It's a cliche by now but it's real. And she asked the question knowing the answer, I saw it in her face, hoping I would say that I didn't.
I couldn't lie to her but I didn't answer the question. I tried to hit that middle ground. At this point I just wanted her to leave it be. I wished I'd never opened my mouth.
That was three days ago. She's been distant through texts and we haven't seen each other since. There's nothing, I don't think, that I can do now. Dating has been very difficult for me. I'm so discouraged. I felt that this girl and I had found something. As a Veteran we are constantly told to talk about it. Whether you're on TikTok or Instagram there are just mountains of posts from people, well-meaning people, telling you to share and to speak. Friends and family all want you to confide in them. Or, in the very least, know that you could if you wanted to.
But I mean this when I say - for those of us that served. You really can't. Or, in the very least, you will never really be able to tell whether you can or can't until you've made the choice and the consequences of that choice are out of your hands. I was falling for this girl and now, despite my best attempts to stay positive, I can't help but feel she saw all of me and walked away.
Part of me knows that's alright. It's her choice. And there's integrity in letting someone have that part of you so they can decide if they want to deal with it or not.
But part of me can't help but feel like I will never find a partner. And that there is a part of me that I have to hide from those that I love because it is more than anyone can handle. I don't know how to shake the profound sense of loneliness I suddenly feel. I find myself wishing I'd never responded to her to begin with. I find myself wishing that I knew better than to even attempt to try and date again.
**TL:DR** I told my girlfriend a single experience from a wartime deployment and now she is distancing herself from me.
**Update:** Wow, so, a lot of comments to go through. Thank you to everyone for sharing advice. For those of you that suggested I speak to her and express that I didn't want to upset her but I wanted to be honest - that's the route I want to go with. I plan on doing so tomorrow.
I won't get into the particulars of what I shared for the comment(s) that asked. I will say, however, it did not include any war crimes. And I didn't commit any during my time in service. I read a few comments that were very critical/skeptical (summarizing) of the military. That's alright, guys. You can have your opinions. I can only state that for my part, and in my experience, the guys in the uniform were really good human beings from very diverse backgrounds who genuinely wanted to do the right thing over there. It's OK if you don't believe me - I know that this topic tends to produce a lot of very intense opinions. I just wanted to take a second to state very clearly that during my career wearing the uniform I didn't know anything other than the guys around me trying to act like good people. Even the guys who weren't particularly good soldiers for whatever reason weren't evil people.
**Update 2:** This got so much bigger than I could have imagined. I'm overwhelmed by the thoughtful things people are sharing. We (the girl and I) have plans tomorrow and I plan on asking her how she felt about our conversation and see where things stand. I'll update as soon as I can. Also, I've been trying to get to as many comments as I can, but this got way bigger than I could have anticipated and I can't get to them all. Just know I appreciate every single one.
The last three days have been really stressful and absolutely laden with anxiety. I posted this to vent it into the void so that I didn't do a couple things I was trying to avoid doing:
A) Talk about it to friends and accidentally color how they saw the new girlfriend.B) Put a bigger burden on her when she, in the very least, seems to need some time.
I didn't anticipate to be supported so intensely by so many kind strangers. I didn't anticipate that this could/would help others. I'm grateful for both of these things. It really makes me feel that whatever happens here - even if I could do some things better in the future - I was at least attempting to go about doing the right thing.
**Update 3:** A few comments that I've read through have asked about resources to read more about the warfighter's frame of mind and experiences without having to directly ask a Veteran. I'm considering an AMA. On one hand - I think it might be helpful to answer these questions from the impersonal void of the internet as a means of expression. I also like the idea of potentially helping open-minded people cross the divide between the Veteran mindset and the Civilian one. But, honestly, I could also see that just getting swamped with shouting matches. War, let alone the wars following 9/11, tend to drive some really intense responses.
**Update 4:** Just a few things that weren't clear in the initial post and I keep seeing in the comments before they get shut down (did I do something wrong for them to be turned off or was it simply because there was so many?).
First of all, I have been off and on with a therapist since I left the uniformed service. There were periods where I worked very hard with them on a variety of things and, as I felt more comfortable and steady in the civilian world, I relied on them less. But this relationship is new and I think the advice to reach back out to my therapist and get some guidance and support while working into it (or for support and constructive guidance if tonight goes poorly) is a good idea.
Second of all, I try to answer as many comments and messages as I can but with comments off I won't be messaging people directly. That said, a few things. Yes, at some point in the next few days I'll do an AMA where you can ask me about my military experience. I'll have some "rules" about what I will or won't talk about. Don't worry if you don't follow them - just know that if I didn't answer your question it either crossed a line with one of them or seemed too negative for me to respond to.
Third, what I shared with her was not any of my direct combat action. It was what I saw when my unit rolled up onto the aftermath of an IED detonation inside a civilian area. I was not graphic. No shots were fired by anyone that day. We just tried to support and secure the civilian area to the best of our ability while our CM worked to try and assist with wounded. She has never asked me about any of my direct combat actions or pressed to know what kinds of action we took while down range. She was respectful. Curious, but with legitimate empathy. I understand and appreciate the protective skepticism with which some folks replied but she, in no way, seemed entitled to anything I wasn't willing to share. Her approach with me felt like she genuinely just wanted to carry some of the weight and be a partner to me.
Finally, and most important, I'm extremely nervous. I'm leaving here shortly to go meet up with her and we've a couple things planned. But the distance over text is very, very noticable. Shorter answers. Less affection. Less enthusiasm. I'm trying to stay positive here but I've got this sinking feeling that I'm going to get a bit of bad news. The goal is to handle it with grace if I do. I really like this girl. I fell for her. I hadn't been looking for anything but stumbled on it and I was letting myself get comfortable with the process of falling. I started to see our future. I don't know. I'll let everyone know how it goes. Thank you for all the encouragements, suggestions, and stories you've all shared. It's meant a lot to have so many strangers take such an investment in all this. I had no idea it'd get so big and I'm beyond grateful. Wish me luck.
**Update 5:** The final update.
I want to mention that the moderators were really great in getting back to me. It turns out that the people being abusive were too numerous so the moderators turned off the comments. I want to take a second to appreciate that an overwhelming majority of the people commenting were constructive and encouraging. Just a few bad apples. That's why we can't have nice things.
We had our conversation. It was a beautiful fall day here so we got to spend time outside and walking. I felt incredibly nervous but I figured that I'd rather rip the band-aid off. The longer I seemed hesitant, I thought, the longer the awkwardness built. Thanks to everyone for the suggestions on how to frame some of my feelings and thoughts. To those of you that suspected that I struggled to speak face to face with the same clarity I (hopefully) have when I write - you're spot on.
I started by telling her that I was sorry for the other night. In particular for not asking how she felt after I'd communicated the event to her. I told her that I did not want to overwhelm her and that I wasn't certain how much to speak on. I told her that it's uncomfortable for me to share things and that I am not practiced in doing so and because of that I wasn't certain what was palatable or right to say. I told her that it was not my intention to overwhelm her and that I only wanted to give her a glimpse so she felt like she knew me because I saw her having a place beside me in my life and that I didn't want her to feel like I was hiding anything.
I told her I understood if it was too much this early in our relationship and if the general content was too heavy. I asked if she was alright or had struggled after we had talked.
And she apologized.
But I could tell by the tone of her voice she was both sincere and scrambling. She had not, it turned out, meant to withdraw. She said that she should have asked if I was alright but she had felt me withdraw and gotten confused and wanted to give me space. She said that she had been very aware while I was talking that I was leaving out things and struggling to make the content both palatable and matter of fact and that watching me go through that she felt like I was really overextending myself and in the days following - she didn't want to press or scare me off.
Watching her try to explain this was surreal because my most recent attempt to date before this was several years ago and that woman had never, ever taken accountability and been considerate when we were not on the same page. I was, genuinely, kind of shell shocked to be met by that kind of (unnecessary) contrition and affection. She kept squeezing my hand. And at one point we stopped walking and she just kind of looked up at me (I'm over six feet tall and she's not a tall girl by any stretch) and I don't know. I just. I think I'm falling very much in love with this girl.
A few of you mentioned that I was probably behaving differently towards her. You were right. It's still hard for me to see it sometimes but I've always withdrawn when I've felt overexposed or emotionally vulnerable. I admit that I went very quickly into wait-and-see mode (when I am very much an assertive pursuer otherwise) . The energy change threw her.
I made an appointment with my therapist who I haven't seen in a bit. I think it's obvious that I could use some skills when it comes to managing and communicating with a partner. I'm not only out of practice but unfamiliar with managing some of the things I've struggled with while also being a woman's person.
The conversation lasted a bit longer than I'm summarizing. At one point she said that she admires, very much, the fact that I served and that she is grateful I care enough about her to push outside my comfort zone and talk a bit about things that I saw. She said a lot of nice things about strength. Made playful comments about physical strength that I won't share in public and by the end of the night I felt like we'd taken a step further in how we're building. This doesn't seem to have been a speed bump at all.
I won't be doing an AMA about my time in service now. I imagine the comments would get locked in that thread very quickly, too. I don't blame the moderators for this. Just internet stuff. And I can't imagine I'll update this post again in the near future because I rarely, rarely Reddit in general.
But thanks to everyone for the well wishes, the reassurances, the encouragements, and the advice. I remain absolutely blown away by how generous people were with their time and experiences. Thanks to everyone that told me to take a breath, relax, and communicate. I'm grateful and honestly think the conversation with her was more productive for your input. We're never too old to stop learning.
**Final TL:DR**
**TIFU by sharing aspects of war with my new GF. I misinterpreted her texting behaviors as distant, or cold, only to find out that she was simply trying to respect me by not pressing or smothering be. She was afraid of scaring me off by being too forward and present because I can sometimes give off the impression I need space by being a bit distant. We hashed it out and seem stronger for it. I'm fairly sure I found the one.**
eekamouseee12: I'm sorry but you're so close....
"I loved my time uniform" "but I have PTSD"
It sounds like you're conflicted. You should loath the military and the government they serve.
mithbroster: What?
eekamouseee12: How can you love your time in the military while also living with awful side effects?
The most important part of basic training is the brainwashing.
mithbroster: Do football players hate the sport or their teams because they have TBIs and early joint failure etc? Typically not. Just because something hurt you doesn't mean you have to hate it.
eekamouseee12: Yeah, yeah they do. Tons of ex football players speak out about the dangers of the sport. Especially it's horrible impact on children.
What a horrible example.
manchestercity02: Yeah, you’re hearing the two out of two million that didn’t enjoy it. Everyone else pursues other jobs in the field after their retire and frequently talk about their career with great joy. You are so unbelievably naive and convinced by conspiracies it’s mind blowing. Get a fucking brain
eekamouseee12: The link between football and adolescent head injury is proven.
manchestercity02: Ok? There’s a reason they wait until a certain age to allow kids to head the ball
turk4lyfe: I think that comment is referring to American football.
| 10 | 1,327.3 | |
1665291936 | 1665329310 | t3_xzd3xd | t5_2to41 | 9,076 | -DemoKa-: TIFU, i was around 88 dollars short on my 4th day as a cashier
So on my first day, i was 10 dollars short and manager/s told me that it happens and to not worry about it.
On my second day, manager helped me count and it was right.
On my third day, i was 10 dollars short again. And again, manager told me it's fine.
Today i was working extra carefully. I didn't want to be accused of stealing since only time numbers matches was when i was counting in fromt of my manager. I was double checking almost everything and i felt pretty confident by the end of a day.... Yet, i got slapped with 88 dollars shortage. Manager didn't react badly, he was as confused. But now im scared that i will have problems since not only i lack a lot this time, but also because i messed up 3 times out of 4.
scared to go to work tomorrow. I have to wake up in 5 hours and have a 11 hour shift and afraid to lose my first ever job so soon. I bet im already suspected of stealing
TL:DR i was 10 dollars short on 2 previous days, on one of days everything was fine, but today im 88 dollars short and now im scared
(English isn't my first language, im sorry)
Edit: thank you so much for all thise advices! Sorry, there are too many ppl here so i can't answer everyone, but im making sure to read em when i have free time.
And before i finish my edit, lemme andwer most asked questions:
- i do count the money in register when my shift starts and finishes
- yes, others also have access to register, but only when im eating or counting money at the end of my shift (for later, my coworkers only use cards)
- i think some ppl missunderstand something. Im the one who counts total amount at the end of a shift and report to manager. Manager isn't the one who counts without me and tells me im short on X dollars
- it's not impossible that someone is stealing, but i still doing my coworkers would steal. They rly don't seem like ppl who would steal from register
Oh, and to those who tell me that they would fire me or that i just don't know how to count, that's exactly why im in this sub right now and im indeed surprised that i im not fired yet.
Update: no one came to me to talk about money shortage, as if it never even happened. Im still a bit anxious but i hope i will get it right this time today (almost 5 more hours left till my shift ends)
Update 2: YOO I GOT DA MONE RIGHT FOR PAST 2 DAYS AFTER YOUR ADVICES, THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH, I LOVE YOU
Worst_Player_Ever: Are you only one who has access to cash register? I mean if it's shared with multiple people it might not be your mistakes
-DemoKa-: My coworkers and manager handle the cash while i eat, in restroom or when i start counting cash for the end of a shift (tho, for a later, they only do cards)
IMadeThatWorse: Someone is taking from the till, I guarantee it. Don't take your eyes off it.
Itchy-Profession-725: So now they [op] are expected to be cashier and security guard? I'm sure the pay doesn't reflect that
EhPringle: Agreed, op dont stress about this. Fear only suggests youre guilty. If you truly have no part in this money being missing, dont worry about it.
Moist_Comb: Aha! Their lively hood is at risk and you tell them not to worry because that should be someone elses job? If a flood happens do you expect everyone to continue their normal lives while the emergency workers take care of everything? You can't control your environment, but you can control how you react to it. Burying your head in the sand saying, "That's someone else's job" is sure an interesting outlook on life.
EhPringle: I dont think their, "lively hood" is at all at risk. I assume op is a young teen, first job, worried about a little bit of cash. Obviously you can be more diligent and try to catch the purp, but if this place doesn't have cameras pointed at tills, the manager doesn't care if a till is short regardless of amount. All of these red flags spells out to me, that this first job isnt worth the effort. But sure lets tell OP to be the law for their first job.
Edit - the last part is pretty funny, to think i apply this to every situation. Its just advice for the circumstances OP is in.
Edit 2 - perp :)
daydriem: Hey, just thought you might want to know, it's spelled "perp", short for perpetrator.
EhPringle: Thank you, im stupid :)
daydriem: Nah, I wouldn't judge that based on one word haha
EhPringle: Some apparently do for a lack of words. Haha
jared743: Though you did seem to highlight their use of "lively hood" instead of "livelihood". If you are going to make fun of someone's choice of words, make sure you aren't making a mistake yourself.
EhPringle: Honestly i didnt even intend to do that
| 14 | 648.285714 | |
1665304303 | 1665314390 | t3_xzgfs7 | t5_2to41 | 201 | rabbitt-we: TIFU talks #67! Back back back again 🫠
Episode 68**
rabbitt-we: Hellooo everyone! Welcome to tifu. For episode 68** we’ll be playing a game of truth or truth but if you have a fuck up you’d like to share please do! Just make sure it’s not too long 😊 Rules are simple, we’re playing truth or dare without the dare
- make sure you direct the question you have to one person on the panel to avoid people talking over one another
- Don’t criminalise yourself
- If people listening have a question they’d like to share please do! Reply to this comment.
PRX_1965: To u/rabbitt-we What’s the worst thing you did while high?
rabbitt-we: What’s your biggest regret?
PRX_1965: Not treating some problems I have on early
rabbitt-we: What kind of problems?
PRX_1965: Severe depression/anxiety (currently working on going to therapy and smoking weed helps a ton) not using glasses last week went to the optometrist and they told me I have vision of a 45yr old (im 18) I messed up my back when weight lifting and it’s pretty much healed now but sometimes I get really bad pains.
rabbitt-we: The one thing that helped me with my depression and anxiety was yoga - try to do some at home, it changed my life. If you want I can dm you some of my fav videos, all you need is a Matt 🥰
PRX_1965: I’ve tried it, honestly I like it but I can’t. I gained a lot of weight thru 2020 and I can’t do much stuff now but I’m working on it and hopefully by next year I can go trail walking/running since I’m going back to the US
| 9 | 22.333333 | |
1665331369 | 1665703558 | t3_xzp637 | t5_2to41 | 3 | IronSalty9288: F4M Down for a quickie tonight
[removed]
usa4955: Dm me gorgeous
IronSalty9288: Done.
| 3 | 1 | |
1665358133 | 1665426451 | t3_xzzix1 | t5_2to41 | 634 | PersimmonWestern151: TIFU
[removed]
InflamedLiver: aren't plugs flared at the end to prevent just such an occurence?
PersimmonWestern151: It had a flared end 😵💫 it had a large purple gem heart at the end
Haminator5000: Your a$$ is clearly too hungry for a flare that small, you need to size up.
Doc Johnson plugs are great the shape is really hard, basically impossible to suck up in there (if you know what I mean)
Doge_4566: Never have I heard an ass being hungry
Thanh42: Risky click of the day?
r/hungry_butts
Scythebrine9: Oh thank god
Nekrofeeelyah: Round two!
/r/HungryButts
Scythebrine9: Fuck.
EDIT: after further investigation, it appears to be a Normal porn sub.
Thanh42: I almost had it.
| 10 | 63.4 | |
1665350310 | 1665425258 | t3_xzwm0y | t5_2to41 | 4,099 | NewJerseyFuckYeah: TIFU by not telling my mom her boyfriend is allergic to cat
So I (16F) always wanted a cat and I wanted this specific breed.
I really liked how the purebred ones looked so for like 3 years I begged and begged my mom for a cat. She said yes earlier this year and I was so happy!
I remember at one point I was talking to my moms boyfriend about cats and how he would react if we ever got one and he mentioned how he was allergic to cats and really hated them. I didn't think it would be a big deal that we were getting a cat so I didn't mention it to him that we were actually getting one. He doesn't live in our house so I didn't really care.
So yaddah yaddah I found a breeder, got in contact with them, got my mom to pay the $100 deposit and we waited until August to pick up the kitten. She cost $2000 so my mom had to save up for like 2 months for her and we drove to Canada to pick her up so it was an awesome road trip (16 hours in total over the span of 4 days)
So my moms boyfriend recently found out that we got a kitten and he got super upset and started arguing to my mom asking to, get rid of it and how he thought she knew he was allergic because of the conversation we had and then now my mom is upset at me for not mentioning it to her.
So now my mom is threatening to get rid of the kitten because of how upset her boyfriend is getting over it. Like hes literally throwing a big fit he isnt even that allergic
TL;DR: got expensive cat without my moms boyfriend knowing and now hes angry because hes allergic and hates cats. Now mom is upset at me and threatening to get rid of cat
EDIT4 days later: so I like talked to my mom about how I felt and how I really love the new cat and she also agreed so we’re keeping the cat so that’s cool. She said she’ll just go to her boyfriends house instead of him coming over so that’s cool too 👍
XmasYoda: Personally I think the TIFU is spending $2000 on a cat. Shelter cats can be pretty awesome.
nanny2359: For example this $2000 cat is about to be a shelter cat!
(Hopefully the situation ends with a shelter boyfriend lol)
NewJerseyFuckYeah: I honestly think shes just saying shes gonna give away the cat for me to get upset (hopefully). My mom really likes the cat too so i dont think she can just give her(the kitten) away like that
BangBangMeatMachine: Your mother should not be trying to make you upset.
ZenoArrow: Her daughter should not be trying to hide important information from her.
Familiar-Party-6739: Daughter is a child, acting like a child.
Mom's Boyfriend is an adult, acting like a child.
There's a difference.
ZenoArrow: 16 is old enough to not behave in the way OP described.
Familiar-Party-6739: I'm not defending any of the OPs actions. Wanting a 2000 dollar cat is stupid. Not mentioning an allergy is stupid.
But OP is a 16 year old. 16 year olds are stupid. It's literally the stupidest age.
and there are two adults in this situation. They aren't 16. They don't get to act stupid, they should have been responsible for themselves. You don't leave important health information to be passed along by stupid kids. (You also probably don't turn a child's desire for a 2000 dollar cat into an actual purchase of a 2000 dollar cat... but again that's one is on mom adult for doing, not the stupid 16 year old for wanting)
ZenoArrow: > It's literally the stupidest age.
I would expect better self-awareness from a child half her age, this isn't about her age, nor is it about spending a ton of money on a cat. An average teenager would be able to work out that not sharing information about allergies is wrong. Furthermore, not only did they fuck up, they're not taking responsibility for fucking up, and your excuses for them are enabling that behaviour.
Familiar-Party-6739: Okay, blame a kid for an adults irresponsibility then, I dont care, that's your issues to work through.
ZenoArrow: Telling the truth is not just an "adult's responsibility".
Familiar-Party-6739: That's not even close to the point I'm making. Take as long as you need.
ZenoArrow: That may not be the point you're trying to make, but it's the point you're making regardless. If you excuse failure to take responsibility for telling the truth, what other conclusions are you meant to reach?
Familiar-Party-6739: I'm not gonna solve this one for you. You're so big on responsibility I guess, so take some. ✌️
ZenoArrow: You're "not going to solve this" because your argument doesn't stand up to scrutiny. Even a dumb teenager should know better than to withhold information about allergies just because it's inconvenient to their selfish desires.
| 16 | 256.1875 | |
1665420474 | 1665461358 | t3_y0jm2w | t5_2to41 | 20,818 | AlsoZarathustra: TIFU by showing my dad the possibilities of the Internet.
So, I did not fu today, but I realised I fucked up today.
My dad loves reading books. His love for books is on the same level as his boomerism when it comes to computers and everything to do with them. I always remember him reading one of his paperbacks. He goes trough several books a month. After he stopped working, the full reading potential became unleashed. Then, the old man got himself a tablet (because Laptops are too heavy) and realised, he could read on that too! And he doesn't even have to drive to the bookstore or wait for his new fix to be delivered! What a great time we live in.
It didn't take him long to notice that digital copies are not really any cheaper than physical ones. That did not sit well with him. Also, downloading the pdf proofed to be difficult for him.
That is were my fuck up started. I mentioned that there are *places* on the internet where I get my books from that don't cost much money. Actually, they are free. And since my country is dragging its feet, it's not even illegal.
I should've known by the happy face of my dad what was going to happen.
"Can you download this book for me?" he asked.
I found it and sent it.
Remember when I said he is going through a lot of books? It is about one every second day. How do I know? Because now I get bugged every other day, like clockwork, to go find and download yet another story for my lovely dad.
TL; DR: Shared my internet knowledge with my dad and became an involuntary librarian.
GermanoMuricano117: I for sure thought you were gonna catch your dad finding hookers or importing purer drugs or something. Can you setup a google drive or dropbox or something to transfer the PDFs over faster?
AlsoZarathustra: We are at a point where e-mail is a running system. Not going to touch it ever lol
TheCrazyAssGoose: Boomers and computers don't mix, once you find a method they can repeat it becomes set in stone.
EDIT: Boomers are sensitive, especially the ones that don't fit the stereotype of being computer illiterate.
TVLL: Somebody call up Wozniak and tell him. I don’t have the heart to do so.
UnLocoBueno: Wozniak is a living gem we must broteck him at any cost.
TVLL: But, he’s a boomer. u/TheCrazyAssGoose said “Boomers and computers don’t mix”.
All of those Silicon Valley people from the ‘80s just can’t figure out these newfangled apps. They just used chisels on stone tablets to do all those SUPREM simulations for ion implant depths and process simulations back in the day. Thank God we have these young’uns today to explain these ridiculously complicated apps to us.
ENDragoon: Ok, so I'm gathering you have an issue with the person saying 'Boomers and computers don't mix', and that's why you brought up Wozniak.
Don't you think it's kind of telling though, that in order to provide an example of a tech literate boomer, you had to turn to, not only someone who made IT their career, but one of the most famous people in the industry to boot.
It's like if someone said "People's heads and Nailguns don't mix" and you replied "Yeah? What about Phineas P. Gage?”
TVLL: So are you cranky because I’m right, or just cranky in general?
ENDragoon: Neither, I just think it's a silly/funny argument to be making.
TVLL: Well, try this:
During this period there were hundreds of thousands of people using computers: Scientists, engineers, and technicians at software companies, hardware companies, semiconductor companies, component companies, telecommunication companies, national labs, NASA, universities, R&D companies, aerospace and defense companies, and universities. To say nothing of the financial folks in the financial markets.
To blithely state “computers and boomers don’t mix” is to ignore the fact that we created the computers and applications that were then used to create more and better computers and more and better applications that current non- boomers use to write “computers and boomers don’t mix”.
Also, we don’t recoil in horror when a new app or phone or computer comes out. We just figure out how to bend them to our will, just like we did back then.
People who say things like “computers and boomers don’t mix” are pretty ignorant of their history, and pretty ignorant, in general. They attempt to elevate themselves, by diminishing others. That’s not how it works.
How’s that?
TiteAssPlans: The moral of the story is that boomers and even the slightest bit of perceived criticism don't mix well. There will be a meltdown.
TVLL: “You can’t handle the truth.”
Nice try.
TheCrazyAssGoose: You sound like my dad, boomer!
TVLL: Go find a microaggression somewhere that you can melt down over.
Jordaneer: Kind of odd when you're the one writing paragraphs on a fucking reddit comment
| 16 | 1,301.125 | |
1665440503 | 1665492830 | t3_y0rwi2 | t5_2to41 | 467 | AshenLibra: TIFU by thinking I could be a pizza delivery driver
I (26M) was a pizza delivery driver for two weeks back when I was a junior in high school. This was my first job, and I don't think I could have fucked it up more if I tried.
Aside from being nervous about starting my first job, I was also apprehensive because I am almost legally blind and barely passed the driver's exam. (I think the tester felt bad for me after I talked to him the whole time about how my pediatrician never thought I would be behind the wheel and LOOK AT ME NOW!) So there was that, and I didn't even think to consider that part of delivering pizza is reading the house numbers to figure out where the food goes. I was excited that I got my first job, and I could finally smoke cigarettes for 6-8 hours a day without my parents finding out.
I came in to work for my second Thursday shift and instead of buying cigarettes for the road, decided that I wanted to spice up my drives with a hookah. I bought a small 1-footer and it actually fit in my cup holder really well. The clouds of smoke that came out were much better and smoother than with a cigarette, and I liked that I smelled like Sex on the Beach instead of stale cigs.
I get a delivery that is thirty-minutes into the middle of nowhere, PA. and am like, "Hell yeah! Tunes and quality time with my hookah!" I start the drive, and everything is going well. I had heard that pizza drivers get a pass on speeding in my town, and I'm just drag racing my 2000 Impala through every yellow light, smoke pouring out of my windows... then I hit a pothole. This was not a normal bump in the road, no. This hole sent my front-end into the air, and the pizza got a good jump off my seat. Not only did the pizza fly, but the coals on top of the hookah got airtime too, and the lit charcoal landed squarely on my balls. I PANICKED and started furiously grabbing at my junk. I knocked the coals on to the felt foot liner, cut across the right lane to the shoulder, and jumped out of the car. I had ruined the crotch in these khakis and there was a big burnt hole right through the zipper. You could clearly see my boxers through the hole. I took off my hoodie and tied it around my waist. I figured I would stop on my way back and get a new pair of pants from my house and that the hoodie covering it would do for now.
Having narrowly avoided a car accident and being set on fire, I returned to the car and just threw the hookah out the window. I still had 20 minutes before I reached the delivery destination, and I had to make up for lost time. It was getting dark, and I knew it would be harder to find the house if I arrived after sunset.
Funny thing about Nowhere-but-Trees, Pennsylvania is the cell reception is almost non-existent. I HEAVILY relied on my GPS to compensate for my poor eyesight and was now driving without guidance. My iPhone 5 just couldn't get any service, and so I was left to figure this one out on my own.
For the second time, I pulled over. This time I was checking the address on the ticket and reviewing the delivery instructions. In the delivery notes, I read, "*Drive past driveway to front door.*" The address was simple enough, containing only a house number, no suite or apartment identifier. 'This make me feel better because complexes were my mortal enemy and always confused me. (I once went from apartment to apartment trying to find the right place... it scarred me.)
I had no choice but to find this house on my own. It was now dark, and there were no streetlights to be seen. I figured that I had to be on the right road, and I had been driving for about forty minutes at this point so I must be close. I double checked the house number and found a mailbox that matched. You couldn't see the homes from the road and the mailboxes were the only indicator I had of the right address.
I pull down the driveway of house number 34 and, just like the delivery notes stated, the driveway stopped waaaaay short of the front door. I figured, "*So this is why they said to drive to front door?*" It was a good fifty feet to the door from the driveway and I guessed that it was a pain to walk all the time, and that the homeowners just parked in the yard to avoid the hassle so I would do the same.
Instead of just going past the driveway, however, I drove right up to the porch stairs. I opened the door, fifteen minutes late with cold pizza, and literally stepped from my car right on to their porch. I had pulled my car so close that my door opened over the bottom step. Without closing my door, I rang the bell. After waiting for a good minute or two, I rang the bell again. Still no answer. They teach you never to go to the back door, but I was desperate and just wanted to finish this delivery, so I went around back and knocked aggressively on the metal screen door. No answer. Walking back around to the front I realized that there were no cars parked in the driveway or the yard, except for mine, and it hit me that this could be the wrong house.
I sprinted down the driveway with pizza in hand and read the mailbox. My shitty-dumb eyes misread the label... this wasn't house 34, it was 54. A cold chill went down my spine as I realized that I was lost, parked in someone's yard, and most likely trespassing. Adrenaline kicked in, and I hauled it back to my car. I threw the pizza in the passenger seat, put it in reverse, and went... nowhere. My car wouldn't move. It had been raining for a few days prior and my tires just dug into the ground. The Impala was front-wheel drive and couldn't push the car back out of the muddy lawn. I was stuck.
Quick thinking kicked in and I started looking for anything I could use to gain traction. I spotted a pile of neatly stacked chopped wood and figured that logs would get me out of the yard. I took two of them off the pile and threw them behind my tires, firmly digging them into the grass. I got back in the car, set the shifter to R and tried again. This time, the car lurched backwards, and then down again into the mud. When I got out to look, I saw my tires had dug the logs into the ground and buried them. I looked around for anything that had surface area. I thought that if I can just get traction over a wide enough area, the ground wouldn't be able to eat whatever I put under my tires, and I would be able to get out. Nothing fit that description that I could see, except maybe... just maybe... the lattice that covered the underside of the porch.
I was fully panicked at this point and desperate to get the hell out of there, so I started kicking and tearing at the lattice until I had two long sheets of it. The porch was now damaged, and there was no turning back. I made little ramps under my car and tucked the lattice under my tires as best as I could, got back in the car and tried to reverse again. This time, my tires spun and kicked mud on either side of the car, and I didn't go anywhere. I got out to inspect and reposition the lattice, but it was gone. There was a corner of lattice that was sticking up from under my car like a hand coming out of a grave, and I knew I had just drilled the damn things into the ground. I literally started crying and pushing on the front bumper of the car, hoping that I could move it just enough to get it out of the rut I had dug.
Pushing the car didn't work, all I did was cover myself in mud from my shoes to my elbows. I was completely stuck in this guy's yard. No cell service, dug holes in his lawn, and had destroyed his property. After about ten minutes, I just gave up. I sat on the hood of my car, threw my hoodie in the trunk, and tried to brainstorm the next move. That's when I saw headlights come through the trees and illuminate the driveway.
My heart froze and I jumped off the hood of my car. A huge black pickup truck barreled down the driveway, stopped, and sat still, humming at the end of the drive. The cab light came on and I heard the driver door open, followed by a, "*What the FUCK is going on here!?!*" I tried to get ahead of the situation and approached the truck. I couldn't see the man behind his headlights, but I reached my hand out when I got close enough and tried to introduce myself.
"Hello Sir, I'm AshenLibra, and I work for Pizza Place in another state. I got lost and my car is stuck in your yard."
He wasn't having any of it. The man didn't shake my hand, didn't say anything. I could see he was eyeing me up, and then he got back in his truck. He spun out his tires on the slick pavement into the yard, spun the truck around, hopped out, and started rigging my Impala up to chains he had in the bed. Without saying a word, he hauled my car out of the ditch I had dug and pulled it to the driveway. I felt relief wash over me, and I dug in my pockets for any cash I had as a peace offering and that's when I saw the hole in my pants had grown substantially. It was now just a gaping hole over my boxers, which had been moved enough to no longer cover my dick. I had approached this guy with my dick out and couldn't even get my hoodie because he was pulling my car. I was mortified. He got out of the truck, and I walked over to him with $10 in ones and my hand over my crotch. As I reached out to give him the money, he smacked my hand away and said, "Get the fuck out of here."
I never ran back to my car as fast as I did that day. I was happy to be free, and also scared shitless at the same time. I drove back the way I came, covered in mud, exposed, and now about two hours late on my delivery. I figured the homeowner would be calling my shop and guessed I was going to be fired for this, so I just ate the pizza. When I got back to civilization, I saw I had eight missed calls from Pizza Place. I knew it was bad, and just never went back. I even forwent my last check because I couldn't bare to show my face.
I still have the Pizza Place driver light in my garage. I don't think they'll ever get it back. I was terribly embarrassed, and I hope the guy never called to tell them what happened.
TL:DR: Pizza delivery went wrong after I almost lit myself on fire, destroyed someone's property, flashed them, and buried the evidence.
AshenLibra: I know it was long, but I hope you enjoyed!
derpdermacgurp: Sitting home from work cause I fucked up on a ladder, laughing my ass off. Thanks for making my day better
AshenLibra: Glad I could make you laugh! This was a horrible experience for me, but I learned many valuable lessons that night.
| 4 | 116.75 | |
1665506454 | 1665529671 | t3_y1driw | t5_2to41 | 46 | [deleted]: TIFU by seemin like a rude person in the bus
[removed]
Individual_Issue_330: To be fair, no matter what you said, man’s shouldn’t of had his hands on you; that’s like antagonizing as fuck
Calm-Description3636: I'm pretty sure its also technically Assault
(maybe)
diamondthedegu1: It is. Putting a hand or hands on another person without their consent is assault in the eyes of the law. The only time it's okay is if you're touching them to attempt to save them (CPR **isn't** assault even if you don't have prior consent, for obvious reasons) and of course when in a crowd for example, your hand brushing someone's elbow isn't enough to be classed as assault as it is more than likely an accidental act.
Calm-Description3636: Yes thank you, I knew someone would clear it up
| 5 | 9.2 | |
1665520045 | 1665790762 | t3_y1jg9o | t5_2to41 | 3,161 | itsnotmariem: TIFU by hiding my friend's story from my boyfriend
I 22f have been dating my boyfriend 24m for 3 years and a half now. Even though our relationship has it's up and very usual downs, i've always loved him and have never cheated on him. My boyfriend has this habit of not trusting me and accusing me of hiding things from him even though i always make sure to tell him every single detail about every encounter/ friendship/ conversation i have, because i know what it feels like to be insecure and i would never wanna give him a reason to think i'm being dishonest with him. However, he never liked my girl friends nor my boy friends because he thinks the first are hoes ( they are all single and just kind of living life which even if they are hoes i don't know how would that impact who i am) and because he thinks that the seconds would "hit" if they ever get the chance to. Now to the issue, one day, my boyfriend and i got into a fight because i wanted to go clubbing with my friends and didn't invite him. My reasoning is that, he doesn't like them and he only talks shit about them so why would you wanna take someone out with someone they have already said they didn't like. He on the other hand was pissed off because he thought that i was trying to do something behind his back. Our argument escalated and it end up in a big fight. This took place on friday night (the club was not till saturday). After the fight i left to have a coffee with my friends, when one of my girlfriends ( that he follows) took an instagram story of all of us just chatting and posted it. Nothing wrong with that right? Well my boyfriend has this habit of misunderstanding things and taking them out of their context. I was afraid that he would think that i went out even when we were fighting to piss him off. I was afraid that he would block me and stop talking to me (which he does a lot). So this is where i might've fucked up, i asked my friend to hide her story from my boyfriend for the night. I know that wasn't my smartest move. He one day found out what i did via a voice message i sent to her talking about how he didn't find out about that night and that she forgot to remove the hide. He got so pissed and thought that i'm hiding something major from him even to i offered to call my friend so she can show him the archive of the stories on that night or any other night. He broke things off with me and he wouldn't talk to me. So? did i fuck up?
TL;DR: i fucked up by hiding my friend's story from my boyfriend which made him suspicious that i'm lying and hiding other stuff from him.
EDIT: I think i should mention this, he found the conversation after going through my instagram behind my back when i'm at work. I talk freely with my girlfriends on instagram because i would've never thought that he would want to read the conversations. Also this is the first time that he does this, except when he asks to read a conversation with a guy and i always hand him the phone because i have nothing else to hide.
additional info: this is not the first time that he gaslights me or leaves without letting me even explain myself, i tried to explain where i'm coming from and give him any messages he wants to read or show him what my friend has been posting for the past couple of weeks, he didn't listen. He always does this. He love bombs me, then when the smallest argument happens, he lashes out, calls me the ugliest names and leaves. He then blocks me on everything, until i go look for him and beg him to talk to me several times. I know this relationship is toxic but the times when it's good it's REALLY good, it makes me never wanna leave.
UPDATE: I did block my (ex) boyfriend back on everything like everyone told me to. I've just found out that after going through my Instagram in my laptop he deleted the history and only left three google searches, named in capital letters: 1-HOW DO I TELL HER THAT I KNOW? 2-KARMA GOT YOU BAD STUPID. 3-EXPECTED.
I feel devastated because i really did nothing wrong.
Also i feel like i should mention that when i got home that day, he didn't tell me that something was wrong and just brushed it off by saying he just got in a fight with his father over the phone. He initiated sex, and he never looked at me even once during it. He didn't touch me. And he just got up and went to the bathroom to shower. That's when i started crying and panicking. And when i asked him why he did that, he started laughing and said nothing. He knows that i have a history of people using me for just the sexual stuff. So i guess you get it..
I always panick when he does stuff like this not because i did something wrong but because i know what will happen after that.. I'm always terrified that he'll keep calling me a bitch and leave me when he was loving just a couple of hours ago. Which is driving me crazy. The cicle is driving me fucking crazy and i'm having diarrhea for the past three days.
Another thing, he also always tweets that i'm a whore or insinuating stuff like that with some song's lyrics. All his friends follow him. Yes. After the fight tho, he tweeted something around the lines of: "they are bitches and we will expose them" which made me spend the whole afternoon throwing up. I blocked him on twitter after cuz what you don't see can't hurt you.
Currently, i'm debating sending the reddit post to him on email lol, just so maybe he can see what everyone is saying but i feel like he won't take it well. I'm afraid of him constantly that's why i'm always trying to keep the peace. I can go talk to him in his own house but i know it won't be good. He'll probably end up not listening and i really can't do that gaslighting and acting like i'm a stranger anymore.
Angus_Ripper: the fact that he didn't dump your ass as soon as you decided to go clubbing with your single hoe friends and acting shady af.. man's desperate to keep you
InternationalBunch22: Exactly. The whole comment reads as if she’s trying to frame herself as completely innocent and like he’s the bad guy. Typical young woman who lacks accountability.
scalpingsnake: So she can't go out with friends? Accountability for what?
testquestion2021: To a club without their SO? I've bounced at clubs for awhile as a side job. Its very clear the vast majority of people at a club are looking to hook up. I'm all for going to a club together, but going without your partner is a line that I set in my relationship. Goes both ways of course.
ne1seenmykeys: You sound like an incel 🤡
[deleted]: Define the word incel.
sassy_cheese564: Someone who hates women unnecessarily.
[deleted]: That’s not what the word means and you’re an idiot for misusing it. Words have meanings, you don’t get to just use them however you like. The word you are looking for is “misogynist”. Incel means involuntarily celibate, as in a person who is trying to get someone to engage in intercourse with them but is unable to.
sassy_cheese564: Incel literally means someone who hates women and is only involuntary celibate because of their shitty opinions of women.
Urban dictionary definition.
“Abbreviated term for the compound 'Involuntary Celibate'. In Darwinian terms a person deemed 'least fit to reproduce', manifested in social terms as someone unable to copulate due to the absence of even a single willing partner. More typically male than female. Hangs around on internet forums generally blaming females for this undesirable condition. Unable to compete on the level playing field of sexual equality can be seen clamouring for a return to the middle ages where all that was needed to nab a woman was two cows and a quarter acre. Could be considered a 'Darwinian loser' whose gene pool is facing extinction unless they address negative personality traits and/or get into physical condition necessary for attraction to opposite sex.”
[deleted]: Are you seriously using urban dictionary as your source for anything at all you utter clown? The term simply means involuntarily celibate, that’s it. Everything else is added nonsense by people who want to overcomplicate it for now reason or insert their own agenda. An incel could be a vicious misogynist or a totally harmless dude with no negative opinions whatsoever. If someone can’t get laid just because they are ugly and socially awkward, they are still an incel. It doesn’t matter that they don’t hate women.
sassy_cheese564: Oxford dictionary literally has the same definition dipshit.
a member of an online community of young men who consider themselves unable to attract women sexually, typically associated with views that are hostile towards women and men who are sexually active.
[deleted]: Yeah because now they cater to clowns like you. You don’t even need a fucking dictionary, you just need to have two brain cells to rub together to interpet the two words individually and them combine their meaning. Involuntary - not by one’s own choice; celibate - not having sex. Very simple. Nowhere is misogyny implied. Stop misusing words. If you’re ugly and you can’t get laid, you’re an incel, plain and simple. Even if you’ve never had a bad thought about women in your entire life.
sassy_cheese564: It’s only involuntarily because of their own shitty opinions of women. They are literally repulsive. They want to, women don’t because they are disgusted by the dudes opinions.
There are guys who are good looking and still don’t get laid due to their shitty opinions of women. They don’t cater to anyone that’s the literal definition and you just can’t accept it.
[deleted]: That is complete nonsense. Are you seriously going to pretend that everyone who can’t get laid only can’t do so because of their “opinions”? You are completely delusional if you actually believe that. Some people are just ugly and have no social skills or game, the women who reject them don’t even know their “opinions”. You are an imbecile.
> There are guys who are good looking and still don’t get laid due to their shitty opinions of women.
And there are also guys who are not good looking and don’t have “sHitTy OpInIoNs” and still don’t get laid. Are you seriously going to pretend like that’s not the case? That is peak delusion.
sassy_cheese564: Did I claim that anyone who doesn’t get laid must have shitty opinions? No I didn’t.
I’m literally saying incels the definition of it is someone who can’t get laid because of their opinions. That’s why any time there is a post of a guy whining about how horrible women are, they are called a incel.
And the decent/good looking guys I’m referring to are the ones who make their shitty opinions known and that’s why they typically won’t get laid.
Anyone who acts like they are owned something because they brought someone a drink or food, would be classed as a incel to. Cause usually it’s followed by shitty opinions.
[deleted]: > I’m literally saying incels the definition of it is someone who can’t get laid because of their opinions.
No, that is not the definition. You are wrong, again. This isn’t rocket science. Literally just interpret the two words individually and then combine their meaning. If you’re not completely brain dead then it shouldn’t be this hard to do.
> That’s why any time there is a post of a guy whining about how horrible women are, they are called a incel.
That’s because they’re misusing the term, just like you. It doesn’t matter if a thousand people misuse a word, that doesn’t magically make them right.
> Anyone who acts like they are owned something because they brought someone a drink or food, would be classed as a incel to. Cause usually it’s followed by shitty opinions.
That is completely incorrect and downright asinine. We already have a word to describe this, it’s called “entitlement”. An incel is very simply someone who is trying to get laid and can’t. That’s it. There’s nothing else to it. They could be ugly or handsome, charismatic or awkward, hateful or nice, smart or stupid, all that is irrelevant, if they are trying to get laid and can’t, they’re an incel.
sassy_cheese564: Considering the literal definition from multiple sources says the same as what I’m saying, it’s you that is wrong and don’t want to accept it.
They can’t get laid due to their gross opinions/personality. Nothing to do with their appearance.
[deleted]: I didn’t say it was due to their appearance, I said the word has no connotations regarding one’s personality one way or the other. Which it doesn’t. No matter how many dictionaries change the definition to appeal to the brain dead masses.
sassy_cheese564: It’s literally always been that definition they are incels because no one wants to have sex with them because they are repulsive and have shitty opinions.
Not everyone who is involuntarily celibate is this obviously, but a very large majority are like that.
[deleted]: No it never meant that to begin with at all, I don’t understand why this is so hard for you to comprehend. All this other nonsense you are adding onto the word is an entirely new and idiotic addition.
> Not everyone who is involuntarily celibate is this obviously, but a very large majority are like that.
Everyone who is *in*voluntarily *cel*ibate is LITERALLY an in-cel. Are you seriously not understanding this? The word incel is made up of the first two letters of involuntary and the first three of celibate. It’s a portmanteau. It means involuntarily celibate, and absolutely nothing else.
sassy_cheese564: It literally always fucking have meant that, you just don’t want to accept it.
It literally does have other meanings, you are just too fucking stupid to even comprehend it.
I’m done arguing with you because you can’t accept the literal fucking definition of the word.
[deleted]: > I’m done arguing with you because you can’t accept the literal fucking definition of the word.
That’s rich coming from someone too stupid to put two words together to derive the meaning of their combination. Incel has never meant what you claim it means and never will, no matter how many times you insist on it.
| 23 | 137.434783 | |
1665545334 | 1666197030 | t3_y1swxb | t5_2to41 | 8 | a_darling_l: TIFU by telling a girl I has sex with another girl
I (17 f) got out of an abusive relationship with a 17(f) ex gf. for context I was at a very low point in my life I was 15 failing all my classes, drivers tests, not even landing any job interviews, etc. I was barely getting out of bed and then I met this girl. she was chill at first and we lasted 14 months. by the end of it we had done some stuff im not proud of. she was nice during it and it's like it was the only time she was ever nice anymore. so it happened often.
I ended up breaking things off with her.
it's been a few months and i met this new girl, 18(f) she's sweet and different and kind and nice to me all the time. we meet in art class. we've been on a few dates and shit and I found out she views intercourse as something that is supposed to happen later. I've now come to that conclusion as well, but I brought it up later when my ex came by that we fucked. nothing really came of it but I don't know what to do. she isn't blowing me off but she's not responding anymore. I'm super worried I maybe pissed her off or she realized maybe I'm a horrible person and I'm freaking out. what do I do to fix it?
we're going on a date tomorrow at 2 but I don't know what to say or even if she wants to see me anymore. help.
TL;DR. I screwed a girl months ago at a low point and now my new best friend (who I've been in love with for months) might hate me because of it
edit: we went out and it was really well. she asked me what really happened and I told her everything and she told me she was proud of me for what happened and how I handled it and told me she didn't judge me. we're not officially dating but I really want to ask her out. my best guy friend is coming over to help me figure out how to properly ask her out without sounding like a child. I just hope she likes me back at this point :) thank you for all of your help everyone you have been so surprisingly kind
update two!! I'm glad to say we're finally girlfriends! I asked her to be my girlfriend on Halloween after agreeing on matching costumes. she said yes and we (including my best guy friend) spent the night at her moms place watching Ghostbusters on repeat.
Smirkydarkdude: It must be exhausting to have this much anxiety.
a_darling_l: it is
Smirkydarkdude: Ok... I don't partake personally but you seriously need to smoke some weed and relax a bit. Is it legal where you are? If no... ROAD TRIP to Canada! And just stop stressing. Seriously. Life is short. Be calm. It will all work out.
a_darling_l: ROAD TRIP TO CANADA???!
Smirkydarkdude: Yes. Recreational weed is legal country wide. Pot shop on every corner. Just don't take it to the USA. PS don't take health advice from Reddit Randos either. :)
a_darling_l: OK
| 7 | 1.142857 | |
1665616737 | 1665679403 | t3_y2is2t | t5_2to41 | 15 | [deleted]: Tifu by realising I was never bullied
[deleted]
SethMalcolm1: Bro your fucking insane, it was all fine till the paranoid ass sentence at the end
Reddit-username_here: *you're
SethMalcolm1: It's the internet, not an English essay. Spelling doesn't matter here.
Reddit-username_here: Spelling matters everywhere.
>Their they're now.
What am I saying?
SethMalcolm1: their they are now.
Reddit-username_here: No.
>They're there now.
See. Spelling is always important if you want people to understand you.
SethMalcolm1: Ok, if your using multipe of the same word, sure. But if your just saying "your" once, it doesn't matter.
Reddit-username_here: If my using multiple of the same word?
SethMalcolm1: No clue what you just said.
If YOUR trying to make a point, THATS grammar, not spelling.
Reddit-username_here: But anyway: https://linguischtick.wordpress.com/2012/09/25/spelling-is-not-grammar/
SethMalcolm1: No shot I'm reading a 30 page long essay thats just someone complaining
Reddit-username_here: Let me break it down for you.
Your sentence was *grammatically* correct. But you used the incorrect *spelling* of a word.
SethMalcolm1: Yes, I know that. Thats pretty much exactly what I said, no?
What is your point?
Reddit-username_here: No, you said it was grammar, it's not grammar, it's spelling.
SethMalcolm1: >If my using multiple of the same word?
You replied with that earlier. No spelling mistakes, but quite a few grammar ones. That is what I was referring to when I said it's grammar not spelling, you somehow misunderstood, even though it was quite obvious.
Reddit-username_here: Because you said:
>Ok, if your using multipe of the same word, sure.
| 17 | 0.882353 | |
1665630079 | 1665739006 | t3_y2nlog | t5_2to41 | 15,513 | Intelligent-Door1407: TIFU by washing hubs iPad in a washer
[removed]
ackme: Husband: Cuts off discussion so as not to say anything hurtful or angry; probably knowing it's just as much his fault, and trying to take time to cool off rather than lash out
Reddit: What an ass.
GorillaGrip38: This one right here. FFS let the guy cool down.
Chronox2040: Also to be honest, this is more of a 70-30 with the one dumping the basket without somehow hearing the iPad going to the washer being more at fault.
leviathanne: ??? it's a laundry basket. you know, for dirty laundry. its expected contents are dirty laundry. why would anyone even be thinking an expensive piece of technology might be hiding in there???
Lord_Swaglington_III: Because ultimately it’s more imminently your fault for not watching what you’re doing. That’s 70-30. If there was nothing else in the basket, at least. If it was under a layer of clothes already then yeah no OP is 0 percent.
leviathanne: OP said they dumped their clothes in it before dumping all of it in the washer.
Lord_Swaglington_III: That’s not what I was asking, I was asking if it was already under clothes before she dumped stuff in it. If it was, she did nothing wrong at all. If it wasn’t, then she does share a part of the blame because ultimately it happened because she didn’t look. Yes she was tired and yes it’s not a normal place for it to be, but it’s not easy to be so unobservant you drop a whole ipad in a washer.
Aizen_Myo: It was cuz the husbands wanted to hide the iPad from the nephew. Reading comprehension much.
Lord_Swaglington_III: I never said it wasn’t? I only asked how visible was it if OPactually looked. You have to watch what you’re doing.
Why it was there is irrelevant. If it was there and OP could’ve seen it easily but didn’t look, yes she was tired, but that means she made the mistake of not looking and it is partially her fault.
You really thought this owned me, right? Despite the fact it has nothing to do with what I’m saying.
Aizen_Myo: 'hiding the tablet from the nephew' is equivalent to you to put it on top of the clothes? Might as well not 'hide' it
Lord_Swaglington_III: Putting it in the laundry basket is, sure.
Aizen_Myo: So on one side is enough for you to 'hide' it by putting on top of the clothes on the other side you are blasting the wife for not seeing it and accidentally putting it in the washing machine.
Lord_Swaglington_III: Hide it from a nephew who doesn’t look at your laundry basket? Yes. When someone does use the laundry basket, it’s partially their responsibility to have awareness.
I mean, it’s pretty clear; he wasn’t hiding it in the laundry basket because the laundry basket casts an invisibility spell on anything you put in it, he was hiding it there because the nephew doesn’t care about laundry.
Aizen_Myo: Did you ever have kids? If kids want something they will turn the house/flat upside down. My niece would had found it for sure in the laundry basket if it was just on top of the clothes.
And why is the husband in no part responsible her? He put it in there, hiding it and risking it may be put in the machine. I've washed my husband wallet several times already because he forgot to take it out of his pockets. He is an adult too and he can clear out his pockets when putting something in the laundry basket.
Lord_Swaglington_III: I never said the husband wasn’t at fault for leaving the iPad there. If you care to read back, you’ll notice this thread of my replies began with someone refuting a claim that both the husband and wife share responsibility.
| 16 | 969.5625 | |
1665681699 | 1665767340 | t3_y34dvi | t5_2to41 | 3,214 | shingen_x: TIFU by attempting a system restore on Windows
Never thought the day would come where I could actually post on here, but here I am, sitting on my chair at 1 AM in the morning reconsidering my life choices.
So I have this laptop, an entry-level MSI that I got as a gift 3 years ago. It’s been very reliable for the most part, and despite one of the USB ports failing and some of the keys being unusable over time, I could still get shit done and that was what really mattered.
That, unfortunately, changed today.
I was attempting a stream on Discord, however I soon realised that for whatever reason, my CPU usage would just spike at insanely high rates. Believing it to be a driver issue, I got Windows to update all the drivers, believing that would fix the issue.
Then, for the first time ever, the laptop BSOD’d.
And then it happened again.
And again.
I did some digging based on the error code displayed and found that the Realtek audio drivers were fucked. I went into Safe Mode and uninstalled the driver. But when I went to scan for hardware changes, my laptop BSOD’d again.
Desperate, I decided to try the System Restore function, hoping that it would remove the driver I had reinstalled.
But then the System Restore failed. And when I tried to boot up the laptop again, it simply refused to go past the blue screen, and this time, there wasn’t even an error code displaying the Realtek audio driver anymore.
I consulted some fellows on Discord, and thankfully one of my friend’s bro happened to be a tech guy and we went back and forth in CMD trying to access Device Manager. Nothing worked, unfortunately, so we were about to give up.
Then, I remembered that the Startup Repair tool had a crash log that I could access via Notepad. This was when me and the tech guy saw a glimmer of hope. Perhaps the repair log could shed some light on what’s wrong?
I proceeded to slowly screenshot the crash log so the guy could figure out what was going on.
Then he said this:
*If you have received this warning on your PC, it means that there was a malfunction in your system operation. Error code "error code 0x0" is one of the issues that users may get as a result of incorrect or failed installation or uninstallation of software that may have left invalid entries in system elements.*
*every error was 0x0*.
It was then that we finally had a proper answer to my problems:
The System Restore failure wasn’t just a failure.
It also wiped out the entire system32 folder in the process.
I fucked up fellas. A meme that I once thought would never happen to me, happened in the most idiotic way possible.
So now I’m resetting my laptop at 1 in the morning. Wondering how I was going to explain how everything was fixed overnight.
My parents don’t know I stay up almost every night for the past 4 years.
Fuck.
*TL;DR* Realtek went brrr, laptop is kill, System Restore fucked system32, must now reset laptop, need to explain how that happened overnight to my parents
Don’t ever use the system restore over a fucking driver issue, folks.
UPDATE: It’s 11am, and I’m still reeling from the consequences. However my mom asked nothing about how I got my laptop working again so all is well.
Yersini: I was following you until the end, and you vague posted about "them" finding out.
If you're in danger, blink twice.
LocNalrune: OP stays up late. OP doesn't want his parents to know he does. For whatever reason, real or imagined. Parents are likely to find out when the computer works tomorrow, but it didn't at bedtime.
yahumno: OPs parents already know that he stays up.
As long as ge gets up when he needs to, meh.
LocNalrune: You have literally no information to base that on, so you're just basing it upon your own schema? My parents certainly didn't, and it would have been an **issue**.
yahumno: Parents aren't stupid. We pick our battles.
We were also teens at one point, so it isn't implausible that we have an idea.
LocNalrune: But you're assuming that they care. My parents didn't care, or pay much attention to me at all, but heaven forbid I break a \*rule\*. Again, you're basing this on your own experience, and literally not on anything that is going on here.
Fair enough, there isn't anything here to go on, but I don't see the value of making a purely subjective statement, but stating it objectively like you know something. Not trying to attack you, just don't see what you want from that statement.
PizzaMafioso: Agreed. Idk why so many downvotes.
Don‘t fckin assume about other ppls lives.
LocNalrune: It's the Dunning-Kruger effect at work.
| 9 | 357.111111 | |
1665681333 | 1665781451 | t3_y348f3 | t5_2to41 | 150 | marphod: TIFU: Left Window Open, had close encounter with _Grunthar, Destroyer of Worlds_
Subtitle: Or how I did and did not meet Schrödinger's Sparrow.
&#x200B;
*It was a birthday party! And it was for* ***me!*** *That means prezzies, and I get to eat cake, and ...*
&#x200B;
Let me back up. I've spent the last week getting over a head cold. I've had all the typical symptoms you'd expect -- congestion, inability to regulate my body temperature, body aches, and a unlimited supply of mucus. I was generally unaware the body could generate mucus at quite such a prodigious rate; I would have guessed half a cup (100ml) a day would be a lot, but I've been managing liters (go r/HydroHomies ?). I'm doing better today, but when this event happened (yesterday), I had been imitating a geyser for days.
&#x200B;
The sneezing was bad, as it was making me regularly see stars and made my headache worse. The coughing was no fun, making my throat feel irritatingly parched, and each lung-spasm was followed by the pseudo-echo of my spouse yelling a forbidding "*NO DEATH*" at me from across the apartment. The worst symptom, however, was the post nasal drip.
&#x200B;
It wasn't too bad when I was awake. The creeping feeling of something unpleasant slipping down the back of my throat was tedious and teased my dried throat with some moisture before each drop tried to choke me, leading directly to my next refrain of "hack, hack, hack a lung, listen to me cough". The real stinker was as I was about to fall asleep -- my mind quietly drifting off into the darkness, with Bob Ross's dulcet baritone washing over me, when suddenly, poison dripped down from Skadi's snake while Sigyn had fucked off somewhere and OH MY CRIPES THE BURNING ... and I'm awake again. The drip settles off the back of my throat, the pain vanishing as I cough again. Back to my happy little tre... FUCKING HELL SIGYN.
&#x200B;
Which is to say, I hadn't slept much.
&#x200B;
Eventually, I'd gotten Sigyn to stop wandering off and/or convinced my subconscious that the post nasal drip wasn't an acid trying to remove my tonsils, and had gotten to sleep. In fact, I was in the midst of a dream.
&#x200B;
*We had just gotten home in time for the Halloween party. Except, as I was boosted into the high-chair, I realized it wasn't a Halloween party, but an early surprise party! I was turning 1! Well, this had to be an implanted memory, as there is no f'ing way i had this much sense of self at age 1 but let it play out. There's a big white and blue #1 candle on a cake bigger than me! And a kazoo! And a stupid hat! ... It was a birthday party! And it was for* ***me!*** *That means prezzies, and I get to eat cake, and ...*
# THWACK ---- I am Grunthar!
My dream fucking exploded.
***I am Grunthar, Destroyer of Worlds!***
# THWACK
What the righteous, holy fuck!
I was sitting bolt upright in bed, my pulse rate just shy of 300 beats per minute, and out of breath. I had no idea who I was or what was happening, but the adrenaline coursing through my system meant I next found myself huddling by my bedroom door before I was aware of anything.
&#x200B;
Light was peaking into the room around my black-out curtains, and the curtain was stretched further into the room from normal.
\---
A brief aside.
I'm currently in Norway. Norway differs from my previous life experiences in many ways, but let me briefly talk about the windows here. Norway does not have that many annoying/biting insects around, so unlike windows everywhere else I've lived, there are no mesh screens in the windows to prevent such bugs from getting in. This can be ... problematic. Additionally, the window opens via swinging the bottom out as if the pane was hinged at the top. This leaves a crack around 5 cm (2 inches) at the bottom for air to get in. (This is also ideal to let all the street noise and the sound of drunken neighbors reflect directly into the bedroom to maximize sleep disruption. Gods bless the window designers of Norway.)
&#x200B;
Regardless, as long as its warm enough, I like some fresh air, and leave the window cracked.
\---
**SWISH SWISH THWACK THAP SWISH**
***I am Grunthar, you peasant. Bow before me.***
&#x200B;
Something was beating at the curtain, then the window, then the curtain again. Trying to get in. Or, out, I guess.
&#x200B;
Who am I? (I am Jean Valje... no.) What am I doing? (Panicking.) Am I awake? (Yes? No? Which would be 'better'?)
# THWACK
&#x200B;
WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING?
&#x200B;
**SWISH, SWISH**
***I am Grunthar. All shall yield to me.***
&#x200B;
At this point, my mental clutch stopped grinding and began to catch.
&#x200B;
**THWACK SWISH THWAP**
***I am Grunthar ...***
&#x200B;
Bird. A bird must be stuck. Fuck. What the hell am I supposed to...
# THWACK
Yes, yes, Mr. Bird. Or Ms. Bird. Or Mx. Bir .... you know, I don't fucking care. Out. Get out.
# THWACK --- I am Grunthar!
&#x200B;
Fine. Fucking *Grunthar*, GET OUT.
I wandered window-ward, and tried to figure out how to open the window further by touch, as I didn't really want to face Grunthar and used the curtain as a giant dental dam.
&#x200B;
**SWISH SWISH**
***I am Grunthar, Destroyer of ...***
&#x200B;
Well, that wasn't working.
I backed away, and then closed the bedroom door, as I wandered to the next room -- which has the same type of window. As the banging continued, albeit muted by the closed door, I reviewed how the latch worked. Then I returned to my bedroom.
&#x200B;
Where there now was a light-gap between the curtains. Well, fuck. Where's the Bird? I closed the door, opened the window, and then vacated the room. I thought I saw the bird in a corner, but I'm not sure.
&#x200B;
So, there is now the waveform of a bird in my bedroom. As time continues, that waveform is collapsing, but I don't know. I'll never know what happened to Grunthar. All I know is that the shadow of Schrödinger's Sparrow now lives here too, I guess. Wonder if it'll pay rent.
\---
That was yesterday. No bird today, as far as I know. But Bird tomorrow. Always Bird tomorrow.
&#x200B;
Of course, I remain a dumb-ass and still have my window cracked for fresh air. What is single instance learning?
&#x200B;
&#x200B;
tl;dr: I leave my screen-less window cracked for fresh air. During a period of illness, after finally getting to sleep, a bird decided to scare the living crap out of me.
chonk_fox89: I have absolutely no idea what the fuck I just read. Is this some reference I'm not getting?
marphod: WRT Sigyn and Skadi, quite probably.
&#x200B;
Norse mythology. Loosely and briefly, in punishment for everything he had done, Skadi (Ice Giant/Goddess) entrapped Loki in a cave, using the entrails of his son as the bindings, and set a snake above him, dripping toxins into Loki's eyes. Sigyn, Loki's wife, stood by with a bowl to collect the toxins, but when it was full, she stepped aside to empty it. Loki, wracked with pain, shook so violently, that that's how we get earthquakes.
&#x200B;
WRT to Schrödinger's Sparrow, it is just a play on the classics quantum mechanics thought-experiment (Schrödingers Cat). (You likely know this one already).
&#x200B;
With respect to Grunthar, no. no reference in particular. Just a stupid random fucking Viking returned from Valhalla in avian form to fuck up my sickness-addled sleep-deprived mind.
&#x200B;
(Edit: There are also very brief throw away references to *Les Miserables*, "Row, Row, Row your boat", *Babylon 5*, the late painter/PBS personality Bob Ross, the trope about superior European windows, and the HHGttG. The last 2 are very weak references.)
chonk_fox89: What was the B5 reference? It hurts my brain to read it again 😅
marphod: "No bird today ... . Bird tomorrow. Always Bird tomorrow."
Replace Bird with Boom, and attribute to Ivanova.
| 5 | 30 | |
1665732962 | 1665823169 | t3_y3naez | t5_2to41 | 7,296 | [deleted]: TIFU: Sent my dad and brother a spicy porn picture.
[deleted]
PsySam89: You AND your boyfriend are gay? What's the chances of that?!
pati0: If both are in a mutual relationship i would say 50%
PsySam89: I like those odds
pati0: I would say that there's a 25% chance one of us are gay considering we're both still lurking in this somewhat extravagant thread.
PsySam89: Want to find out?
SenseiSourNutt: *Starts making out aggressively*
pati0: I cant walk to today
| 8 | 912 | |
1665797639 | 1665803129 | t3_y4b4ux | t5_2to41 | 41 | JC1812: TIFU talks Episode 69! JC is back! Let’s share stories and talk. :)
Somerandomblader: Can I share?
GuyOne: Join in and raise your hand ✋
JC1812: Wanna speak?
GuyOne: Would love to but I'm at work tonight. I can mod the comments though.
| 5 | 8.2 | |
1665829255 | 1665831929 | t3_y4kbpi | t5_2to41 | 185 | rabbitt-we: TIFU ep 70! Game night
bumblingbee22: Deadass orange man sounds hot
Orangeman85: I’m a deadass?
bumblingbee22: Are you?
Orangeman85: I’m not sure of the meaning?
| 5 | 37 | |
1665841136 | 1665887061 | t3_y4o8bq | t5_2to41 | 300 | Miser-Mike: TIFU by opting out of having a shower with my girl who’s on her 🩸…
Marrakesh is a beautiful place, by all accounts. We’ve both been enjoying the holiday and she, of course, didn’t anticipate her period coming whilst away so was already upset about that to begin with. She called me to join her while already showering and I was on the bed on the verge of passing out from cocktails. My response was a succinct, “Nah.”
She was quieter than normal after showering and visibly sulking. When I eventually asked what the matter was she seemed to have her argument loaded into the clip. She hit me with the, “You made me feel bad about being a woman. I use tampons, what’s the difference between a shower and us swimming together?”
My retort was that those weren’t the problems at all and I actually just wanted to give her her space to sort out womanly shit, you know what I mean? That’s the truth, too. I do admit I had a flash-forward of standing in reddish water and not being happy about that also though.
Anyway, I FU.
TLDR: I upset my girl by not having a shower with her while on her period!
Good_nuff: Standing in reddish water?
You don’t know a damn thing about periods, do you?
Lined_the_Street: Thanks alot public education
Good_nuff: If OP is old enough to go on vacation with his gf, he’s old enough to use google. No excuses.
TuliBean: And not be a baby about the part of the body he cares so much about, never-ending girl. Didn't fu he was being himself and called out for it. He could tell her this is what I envisioned and it freaked me out, but you have to say that and not pretend it was "for her to sort it out." Life is gross and it's a big turn off when someone can't step out of their comfort zone for you, just to be with you at a special time in a special place.
rubiscoisrad: I'm a lady with periods, and my husband has a lot of gastric issues. (Basicly, he farts. A LOT.)
We're weird people in our own weird world. I tolerate the flatulence, he grits his teeth and bears it when I empty my cup in the shower.
150steps: Dunno why ppl are acting like there would be no blood. Mustn't have heavy ones. He didn't know she used a tampon in the shower.
Miser-Mike: It’s been interesting seeing people cast aspersions.
People with heavy flows exist. With this key bit of context (which isn’t really anyone else’s business) standing in bloody water is all of a sudden very possible.
I didn’t know the tampon was used in the shower, no, but why are folks acting like it couldn’t leak out? At risk of being ‘wrong and strong’ I’ll stand by what I said originally - I’m sure I’ll still be educated by all of the biologists.
150steps: Vaginas don't need washing out, just the surrounds, so yeah, totally ok to use a tampon. And for the record I don't blame you. I guess the fuck up was communication or lack thereof, if anything.
| 9 | 33.333333 | |
1665859196 | 1665876664 | t3_y4vaq3 | t5_2to41 | -2 | [deleted]: TIFU by flashing my brights at a car that was going too slow
[deleted]
link_the_fire_skelly: Solve the problem by not diu. Do you get drunk and drive? You realize that you’re operating a multi-ton machine that could kill people with one bad decision?
dreadpiratew: Most cars aren’t multiple tons
link_the_fire_skelly: Average sedan is 1.5 tons.
dreadpiratew: Exactly
link_the_fire_skelly: So why did you comment again?
dreadpiratew: Because 1.5 is not multiple.
link_the_fire_skelly: I don’t think you understand how numbers work.
dreadpiratew: I think “multiple” in this context means more than one, but integers only.
link_the_fire_skelly: Multiple is a relative word. In a non-mathematical context such as this, it means having several of. Most vehicles are multi-ton beasts. Sedans, which are on the smaller side of vehicles, are still massive and heavy. 1.5+ is multiple in my opinion. Either way, why are you getting pedantic when the issue I brought up is based around the life-threatening decisions of op? Something way over a ton and a half, probably more, is extremely dangers moving over 15 mph. Nevermind if the driver is impaired to the point of not understanding their circumstances.
| 10 | -0.2 | |
1665896295 | 1665928413 | t3_y582ub | t5_2to41 | 1,091 | BalanceSenior7577: Tifu by having s*x with my Uncle’s girlfriend
[removed]
TuliBean: They have an extremely unhealthy relationship and pulled you into it. I can't imagine the awkwardness that you must feel about it, but I'd just avoid them. Deny if anyone brings it up and do your best to take care of yourself.
That was not your fault.
SilentCounter6750: How was it not his fault? He’s 22. Most adults wouldn’t think it’s such a good idea to get involved with a family member’s SO. Especially when alcohol is involved, and the guilt and shame that comes with sobriety in the morning. Family reunions just got more uncomfortable for OP, that’s for sure.
Black_Midknight99: Man's legit said lady was naked, Unc's told him to 'get some'. Dude did what any horny, intoxicated, freshly single dude would do. Only fuck up was uncle changed his mind
SilentCounter6750: Oh, so your defense is “boys will be boys”? Got it.
Black_Midknight99: Yes. Why would I pretend it's not?
SilentCounter6750: Because that mentality essentially gives guys a free pass on their fuckery and fuck ups, rather than making them understand their actions have consequences.
| 7 | 155.857143 | |
1666063533 | 1666189552 | t3_y6vg11 | t5_2to41 | 9,581 | Puzzleheaded_Meal652: TIFU by listening to a sports podcast at work
I’m a 20m and I work as a carpentry apprentice with a union contractor. I’m just a first term apprentice, so I usually end up spending a significant amount of time cleaning. Because I usually spend most of the day working by myself, I enjoy listening to sports podcasts to pass the time faster. Usually I’d be listening to it with headphones (they needed to be updated) but today I was listening on my mini speaker. I regularly just keep my speaker playing when I’m talking with my supervisor just on a lower volume. Today while I was talking to my foreman (he’s a pretty nice guy and we get along pretty well). We were having a spirited debate about whether or not he actually drank urine (his argument was that he drank so much water that it didn’t taste like anything). When our conversation came to a pause to my surprise David jacoby blurted out “vibrating anal beads”. We both burst into laughter. After he left I backed up the podcast to see what story possibly could bring this up. (It was some story about a chess player and coach using vibrating anal beads to communicate which is cheating). Once I actually had an explanation on why that came up on the podcast I went to go talk to my foreman. I stupidly kept my podcast playing while I was looking for him. While I was passing a couple coworkers it was blurted out again, I cut my losses and continued looking for my foreman. I played it back for him and we both got a good laugh out of it.
TLDR David jacoby embarrassed me in front of my coworkers twice without trying
dragonfett: I was honestly expecting you to have lost your job over listening to a podcast at work.
Puzzleheaded_Meal652: Nah lol just a funny awkward moment for me😂
CapitanOcho: You were having a "spirited debate" about drinking urine? And a comment on a podcast was the awkward part? 🤣
DeletedByAuthor: It's called culture
rikkerichard: I mean if he would let is sit for a little longer
malexj93: I thought it's sterile
hufflestitch: Urine is only sterile if 1) you don’t have a UTI, and 2) it’s collected sterilely. The tissue surrounding the urethral meatus often has bacterial colonies on the skin. So antiseptic would have to be used to clean the skin, and the urine would have to collected sterilely into a sterile container. Otherwise allowing urine to “age” is likely to result in bacterial growth. Regardless, bacteria still isn’t the biggest issue with drinking urine. You have to consider that this is what your kidneys excreted as waste, so putting it back through your renal system isn’t going to do any favors to your kidneys. Theoretically the same could be said for the liver if you are spilling bilirubin.
Childish_Tycoon_Ship: Is someone's mouth considered a sterile container?
hufflestitch: Unfortunately no. 🤣 no part of the GI tract is considered sterile.
| 10 | 958.1 | |
1666070438 | 1666071836 | t3_y6xr6f | t5_2to41 | 6 | SqueakBoxx: TIFU By Calling My Friend A Dog
[removed]
Aleakielou: Wow, thats ruff!
SqueakBoxx: It was a real bitch of a situation, for sure.
| 3 | 2 | |
1666106563 | 1666146795 | t3_y7a0mz | t5_2to41 | 689 | [deleted]: TIFU by walking away from a friend vomiting
[deleted]
furiousfran: Well you handled it better than I would've, that is running away shrieking at the top of my lungs before having a massive panic attack
JamieDrone: Same…emetophobia is a bitch
LlovelyLlama: SAME.
I started having minor panic attacks on the subway because i was convinced someone near me was about to puke—often with no reason other than they shifted their weight or leaned forward like a totally normal person.
Thank the gods for my anti-anxiety meds. I finally got a handle on that.
f1newhatever: I worry a lot about public transportation if I were to ever move to NYC. I’ve heard some horror stories (for emetophobes anyway) that would absolutely send me into a tailspin. What meds do you use if you don’t mind my asking?
LlovelyLlama: I’ve lived here 20 years and I’ve only ever actually seen it happen twice (and once was my now-husband… he’s lucky he’s cute cuz that shit *traumatized* me)…
I take Cymbalta, and it’s been good for me. I definitely no longer feel like I’m gonna leap out of my skin if someone looks a little queasy.
| 6 | 114.833333 | |
1666154389 | 1666212995 | t3_y7szou | t5_2to41 | 35,786 | CaptainTomatoWaters: Girlfriend found my porn addiction
3 years ago my girlfriend found my porn addiction. After she found it I finally stopped. We had a daughter 2 months ago and while she was pregnant i went through a huge bout of depression and anxiety. Ive never gotten help for my traumas and am currently seeking it. When that bout started i tried to talk to her about it but she shrugged it off. I got deeper into it to the point i went back to my habit only worse this time. I spent hundreds on only fans and started taking pictures of people without them knowing. I dont fully know why i do these things but i do them. After my daughter was born my life changed and i finally felt ok again. I was moving the pictures out of a hidden photo app to delete them. Stupid i know cause i could have deleted them in the app. They synced to google photos and she asked to see my phone to look at something. She went through my photos and saw everything. So i havent seen my daughter in 2 days even though im in the basement of the house we live in. I have to wait for her to sleep to go upstairs and use the bathroom or get food. I feel so empty and alone. I just want to be a good dad. Morale of the story if you feel you need help do whatever you can to get it. Wether or not the person you are with can see how bad it is. Dont let it get to this point.
TL:DR my girlfriend found my porn addiction. Kicked me in the basement. Havent seen my newborn daughter in two days.
Edit: honestly i just needed more than just one person to tell me how horrible i am. I didnt want attention. I wanted to feel worse. People around me keep telling me its ok youll get better. I needed other people to tell me how shit i am so i feel compelled to get help. Im currently in the process of getting that help. I know i should be in jail.
pornplz22526: There's a huge difference between a porn addiction and taking illicit pics of real people.
Girl_in_a_whirl: And spending hundreds on onlyfans. There are countless free porn sites out there.
hunebee3: While she was pregnant..
slowest_hour: I mean I'm sure lots of people turn to porn for sexual relief when their partner is pregnant. Lots of people spend stretches of time not feeling like having sex when they're pregnant but their partner still has the same libido they had.
Honestly that's like the most normal and understandable part of the story. The rest is way more yikes. Especially the creeper photos.
verygoodusername789: It’s an incredibly horrible thing to do and as a pregnant woman and new mother it makes you feel utterly worthless. I’ll never forget my ex husband chucking a fit about being woken up when I got up to feed our new daughter in the night and then coming into the lounge room where I was breastfeeding and putting porn on the tv and beginning to masturbate in front of us. Obviously I told him in strong terms what I thought of him and my feelings for him were gone from that moment on. He never behaved like that prior to my being pregnant.
bropdars: Sounds like you’re projecting onto the porn there if I’m being real
verygoodusername789: No, I’m pretty sure the porn was just a tool to be cruel.
bropdars: Yeah that’s what I’m saying, the porn isn’t inherently bad it was just used by your shitty ex as a tool for being a bastard. I think just your original comment reads like you’re saying that any consumption of porn by a partner when their SO is pregnant or has just given birth is automatically bad, which I disagree with.
verygoodusername789: Of course when you’ve gained all the pregnancy weight and gone through labour knowing your partner is jerking off to porn hurts. There’s a way to be subtle about it surely, that’s all I’m saying.
GayAsHell0220: Plenty of people don't give a shit about their partner watching porn. Like I could legitimately not care less. Some even watch porn together.
You have every right to be uncomfortable with it, but to act like this is some universal opinion is absolutely ridiculous.
verygoodusername789: Then why can’t they do this in private, why is this such an issue.
GayAsHell0220: Everybody here agrees that your ex husband is an absolute creep and doing it like he did is highly inappropriate.
But that's completely separate from simply masturbating to porn. Do you think everybody who consumes porn does so right infront of their partner without their consent?
verygoodusername789: No, that’s not the point. I’m arguing against the commenters who are telling me I’m out of line for saying keep it private. Is it so necessary for a pregnant woman or new mother to know her partner is jerking off to porn? Just take care of it in private, why is that such a difficult concept
Minute-Intern-9019: You’re out of line for hardcore projecting and being weirdly hostile.
verygoodusername789: Just fucking wank in private, please
Minute-Intern-9019: Obviously? Unless it’s something your partner is into and you’ve discussed it before, obviously you’re going to masturbate in private. Not a single person in this entire thread EVER mentioned masturbating in front of their pregnant spouse to make them feel worse until you projected your unfortunate ex husbands shitty actions onto everyone else.
verygoodusername789: Well you’re very quick to tell me how unreasonable I am for saying it’s best to assume your partner doesn’t want to know about it or see it or have to deal with it. I was initially replying to a comment saying that’s it’s normal and understandable for using porn while your partner is pregnant. My point is that it’s not actually, it can be quite unkind and shitty so fucking do it in private please.
Minute-Intern-9019: You’re saying that everybody using porn to take care of their sexual needs when their partner isn’t feeling up to it should be ashamed and hide what they’re doing, and that they’re being a shitty and unkind partner.
verygoodusername789: It’s rude. Why shouldn’t they keep it private.
TehWackyWolf: My partner knows I masturbate, I know she masturbates, she watches porn sometimes when I'm busy or not around, I watch porn when she's not around her has her period period. We've also watched it together when it felt like that would be more fun than just normal regular old sex. The point itself is not your issue, your husband being an ass was.
Why would I be ashamed of this or keep it to myself? If everyone's cool with it, then everything should be cool. I'm sorry you had a bad experience, but it's not a universal one.
verygoodusername789: So you would do the same thing as my husband and just start in front of her when she’s busy or not in a mind to take care of you? You said you do it when she’s not around so I don’t understand why you are trying to correct me.
| 22 | 1,626.636364 | |
1666208289 | 1666210662 | t3_y8c3pe | t5_2to41 | 31 | [deleted]: TIFU by looking through my friend’s phone for nudes
[removed]
trey74: Well, yeah, you FU pretty big. It's creepy and you need to stop. But I'm not sure I would ever address it with her unless she brings it up, and then you better be sincere and apologize profusely.
Also, it's cold shoulder. not shower.
DoseOfSarahtonin: Sounds like OP could do with a cold shower tbh
trey74: Unfortunately, yes.
That's really invasive and creepy.
| 4 | 7.75 | |
1666207739 | 1666290042 | t3_y8bv6h | t5_2to41 | 8,230 | bfraley9: TIFU - Nyquil made me limp biskit
I've been talking to this beautiful girl for a while now. I slept over at her house last night but I wasn't feeling very good, so I took a big cap of nyquil around midnight. About an hour later, I was falling asleep. She pulled me in close to her and started kissing me very passionately, and then she slid my hand down her pants. I went down on her while I tried to secretly play with myself to wake Mr.Schlong up, to no avail. She said something along the lines of, "If you're not ready, it's no big deal, we can wait". My brain was saying yes please but my body was saying hell no. I was laying there with one of the most beautiful girls I've ever laid naked with, and I was rendered completely useless. She called it off and said let's just get some sleep. Today, I am a shell of a man 😆
TL;DR - nyquil gave me ED
Patient-Quarter-1684: I thought nyquil was french for "don't make any plans".
I don't ever use the stuff, it hits me real hard
bfraley9: First time I've used it in years. Could also explain the situation
queen_of_potato: Honestly no girl I know would think badly of you for that, don't even worry! Just let her know you were super into it and why things werent working and I'm sure you'll get a second shot!
bfraley9: Long live the Queen_of_potato
queen_of_potato: The crown appreciates your allegiance
For your support you are allocated 5 acres of land of your choosing
Please honour us by planting this land with potatoes. Whatever profits you make are your own (after the queen is afforded her share of course)
surgicalhoopstrike: Potato vodka is BEST vodka! 🇵🇱🇺🇦
queen_of_potato: There are other kinds??
Silverwar: Order goes potatoes, rye, wheat, c̴̨̡̢̬͉̭̯̗͕͓̼̐̒̑̃̿̒͐́̈͜͜o̶͉̣͎̼̦̘̳̗̤̺̰͍̭̊̃̽̎̃͋́̇͗̋͗̇̉͘͜r̷͕͔̫̞̮̖̹̝̖̺̫̺̱͓̪̐̄̈́̕ͅǹ̸̘̩͈̖̲̰̯̗̫̺̲͇̓͋̓̈̽͊͑̐̿̄̀̚͠͝͠
queen_of_potato: Wow I feel so dumb.. I fully thought all vodka was made from potato! Now I wonder if I have tried them all or what!
hitforhelp: Grey goose, a popular "premium" vodka is made with French grain alcohol.
However its widely accepted that its overpriced for the quality that it is, and its a marketing ploy.
queen_of_potato: I have drunk this before and had no clue it was not potato, feeling like my whole existence is in question at this point!
And yes I think the product is expensive only due to good marketing.. can't imagine people being able to pick it in a blind tasting!
TheFallenMessiah: It's not so much good marketing as they basically doubled their price to give it an air of exclusivity. Literally all they did to seem like a luxury brand was increase the price. It's kinda brilliant but it also pisses me off.
queen_of_potato: Yeah I mean people will buy it just because it's expensive because they think people will be impressed (and I guess some are?) But I prefer to get an equal (or better) product for a lower price, not about wasting money to show off
| 14 | 587.857143 | |
1666226751 | 1666257059 | t3_y8jiq4 | t5_2to41 | 10 | usernameisafarce: Tifu - didn't talked to the girl and now I continue to be lonely
Shaved my beard and lost my homeless chic. Went to a concert by myself. I was sitting at the bar by myself waiting for the concert to start. This hot girl with tattos and dreadlocks came by with her friend sitting right next to me. They got it going and two minutes after the friend left. She gave me million signs and looks and I just ignored her cause I'm a ducking loser and have zero social skills. Was too nervous. Then at the show she came sitting next to me and the same thing happened, she got angry of me being a weirdo and left. I fucking hate myself and just needed to pour this shit out somewhere.
Sally8967: Don’t be so hard on yourself! It can be really hard to muster up the courage to talk to a stranger especially not knowing if there going to be kind in response or not. All you can do is learn from this and you could even try to meet people in a different way such as online dating so you won’t feel awkward in an in person situation! It is not always on the man to make the first move also, women can make the first move too! Keep trying it will get better :)
usernameisafarce: Thank you! I am tired of online dating, I feel like it is mostly about sex and that the relations I made using these apps are somewhat shallow. I am trying to get to know someone irl hoping it be different, but I'm so freaking alone it is hard to go out and meet ppl that way. But I'll keep doing so and remember your advice! Thank you
| 3 | 3.333333 | |
1666227768 | 1666228903 | t3_y8jvzy | t5_2to41 | 64 | Porbale: TIFU by crashing my car into a pole
I can’t believe how dumb I am. I drove to McDonalds to pick up some food, and it’s not that far away from my house, so it’s a pretty simple drive. Walk in, order the food, walk out, and drive home all within a few minutes. It’s an easy plan, right?
Well, as I was turning on to the road, the bag fell over, and I didn’t want the food to spill everywhere, so I decided to pick it up. Then I heard a big bump, and I looked in front of me and saw a pole. I wasn’t able to hit the brake in time, so my car crashed into it, and it fell over. (Side note: this was not at a high speed, so physically I’m fine).
Not only was the front bumper completely damaged, but the cops showed up and I had to go through a series of tests while hiding my anxiety and trying really really hard not to cry. I got a citation, and now I have to show up in court, and I’m really worried that my license is going to be suspended.
Now I’m back home sobbing like a maniac and I can’t even bring myself to eat the food that I bought. The worst part is that I only got my drivers license a couple months ago. I was feeling so confident and now I don’t know if I’ll ever have the courage to drive again.
TL;DR: Crashed my car into a pole all because of a fucking McDonalds bag. Cops showed up, and now I have to go to court.
MPFX3000: The car fell over? Why would you have to go to court for this?
Porbale: The pole fell over after my car hit it. My citation was far not controlling the speed of the car to prevent the crash.
MPFX3000: Oh the pole fell over. What kind of pole was it?
I wouldn’t worry too much. I can’t see a reason they’d suspend your license
| 4 | 16 | |
1666224462 | 1666311031 | t3_y8ip6b | t5_2to41 | 1,995 | InevitableMap6470: TIFU by putting too much Vicks Vapobath in my tub.
I’ve came down with a bad cold the last few days so, I thought what better way to clear out everything than with Vicks and being able relax and soak in it, right? I pour some in the bath, let it sit for a few minutes and begin to soak. The very beginning was amazing. I could feel the pressure in my nose and chest to start to ease up. Felt like this is going to set me up to ease in the finish line of this cold. Then it hit me. It’s like my body went into shock. I couldn’t stop shivering but I wasn’t freezing either. It felt like how it was, like I was in a bathtub full of Vicks vaporub. Turns out you’re supposed to put two cap fulls and not pour it based on an eye test. Currently under a heating blanket getting ready to perform a VICKSorcism.
TL;DR: Put too much Vicks bath salt into my bath and went into shock. Don’t eye test any thing Vicks unless you like shivering a whole hell of a lot.
Dude1stPriest: How long has it been? I don't know how much is needed to be toxic through skin absorption for an adult, but it can be toxic in children so it might be worth calling poison control and make sure it's not going to get worse. It could be completely fine, I don't know shit about fuck, but I've seen enough chubbyemu videos to know random seemingly innocuous shit can be dangerous in large amounts.
goshdammitfromimgur: Be right back googling chubbyemu
goshdammitfromimgur: Ok. Going to take me a bit longer. I get the gist though.
Comf_waters: This is the update we needed!
goshdammitfromimgur: Oh yeah. Chubbyemu is a Dr that does videos on things like. "What happens to your body if you eat Tide Pods"
Kara_Zhan: OP has hypervicksemia, hyper meaning elevated, and emia relating to presence in blood. Doctors note that although OP had indeed fucked up, they made a full recovery.
hellseashell: Did you watch the nyquil chicken one? 🤣
Kara_Zhan: I did. Been watching the channel for at least a couple years!
| 9 | 221.666667 | |
1666225983 | 1666282910 | t3_y8j8w3 | t5_2to41 | 1,090 | OkConcentrate723: TIFU by Taking My Wife’s Lunch Money
So wife and I are going through some financial difficulties. Last year she lost her ability to walk (normally) and is now handicapped. This really hurt our finances. I’m currently working 3 part time jobs, just picked up the 3rd one this week. We share one job at a thrift store which supports us in a way. (We can call out anytime without consequences.)
We didn’t have enough for gas and food today. So I asked my mom for $20 for food so we could eat lunch. On the way to work I wanted to stop through Chick-fil-A to get a soda. I just really wanted one before going into work. (Like coffee basically.) I didn’t really think about finances or how that would impact the days budget or anything like that. I just wanted a soda and didn’t think it through. Wife is upset with me because that came out of her food money as mine is a set price and she wanted to use hers to buy some stuff at the store. (Food) I didn’t even realize it until she pointed it out when we got home.
We have been making a ton of sacrifices to make things work. I don’t buy myself anything anymore and I’m having to ask my mother for help while I try to get back on top of the finances. Wife isn’t super mad at me, just frustrated. Eating out is one of my guilty pleasures because I don’t really get to buy or do anything else.
I came to the realization today though that we are so poor that buying a soda can effect weather we can eat lunch or not.
I’m not giving her a good life at all, I feel like a loser, and now I feel like a terrible husband.
TL;DR I wanted a soda but didn’t realize it came out of wive’s lunch money for the day.
Edit: Thank you all for the kind words! I didn’t expect this many responses. I want to address several points.
We were advised that she wouldn’t get disability likely because she can work something and it’s really hard to get. Granted we should still apply, get denied, and appeal, but dealing with so many things it just hasn’t happened yet and that is on us.
I used to work a full time job as a data entry specialist, but I suffered from anxiety attacks and decided to build my own work from home job. One of my biggest life philosophies is to be around family and I just felt trapped. My wife encouraged me and worked 2 jobs while I built mine up and it was going well actually. Before her legs gave out we started having an emergency fund, saving, spending money, and things looked like they were going well. When she got hurt I neglected my job to take care of her and figure out what to do, and it fell a lot… Now this is no excuse for not getting a full time job again but it really freaks me out and I believe this is a mental disorder. I’m seeking help on it. My doctor and coach have both recommended a therapist, better help, and I’ve looked into local, all booked, and the recommended, cost too much and not covered by insurance. However thanks to the support of my doctor, I am getting medicine to help relieve stress and anxiety and was able to pick up the two extra part time jobs.
I completely agree that eating out is horrible for the budget. As I mentioned above it is a guilty pleasure, almost an addiction. I just get so sick of frozen food and the like and want a meal. Also we live 40 minutes from town/work. So it’s difficult to stop by the house for lunch to make something fresh. No excuses, I just know it is one of my weaknesses and I should fix it. (I probably down play it in my head as a reasonable weakness since I don’t drink or smoke for personal reasons.)
I was budgeting, quite well I think, using mint and different accounts to balance things. But in the last 6 months it just became too much. We just didn’t make enough. $600 per adult is just not enough to live off of no matter the budget or sacrifice. Medical, gas, utilities, and food all cost way more than that.
We have talked about food stamps, I don’t think I qualify and when she looked, she said she didn’t meet the criteria because she doesn’t work enough. (She doesn’t have an official diagnosis because she was one point off…) she does have a handicap pass but no financial aid atm.
I want to mention that my wife is not mad at me. She was just frustrated and usually we are very good about communicating. It has just been stressful. She has not shut me out or anything but she has developed a lot of self loathing and helplessness which I am trying to convince her that she can still live a great life and accomplish many things. The financial stress is not helping her though. Also, she is literally in pain every single day which is destroying us mentally. She also has regular flare ups which makes her bedridden. So it’s hard for her to make a long term plan while trying to figure out how to get through each day.
She did apply for several online things but didn’t hear back. Our friend did hire her as a project manager which she is very happy about and feels like she is contributing to the household again. Honestly, I don’t mind her not working and I just want her to focus on taking care of herself and doing her exercises to reduce pain and help her walk with support. I think I have a bit of self loathing needing her help with the finances as I just want to support her so she can focus on health and not worry about money.
I think we both have been getting so focused on surviving the day that we neglected some long term planning and that likely contributed to this incident. I will try to be better about budgeting and not avoiding it due to stress. It was nice to get all of this off my chest as if I tell my wife she is likely to blame herself and feel guilty. (We have a tendency to blame ourselves when the other has a bad situation.) Thank you all for the kind words and the helpful links!
Logical_Ad_1383: I hate to break it to you but eating out is costing more than you realize. Where I am I drink from chic fil a is more expensive than a gas station soda. And a gas station soda is right around 2 bucks for a medium. You said your out to eat budget is a set amount daily how much is that? Take that amount times the number of days a month you eat out even at 10 dollars a day average for a cheaper meal in a fast food joint. That's 300 a month for me that's almost a months worth of gas and i drive Uber and lyft when I'm bored.
GuanoLoopy: If you need to buy a soda, at least get it from McD where it's just $1 for any size drink. But still if you're on that tight of a budget, even that should be avoided.
Thrawn89: You can get 2L of soda at grocery store for $1. You used to be able to get 3L at dollar tree for $1, not sure if that price held up.
Pokemom18176: Idk anywhere that sells two liters for a dollar anymore and I'm in a cheap, rural area. Dollar Tree is 1.25 now, but they don't even have two liters in my town.
Thrawn89: My grocery store branded soda is still .99c per 2L
Pokemom18176: Nice! Do you feel comfy sharing the store name? I don't drink generic 2L just never had luck with them keeping carbonation- but just checked my Walmarts Sam's and they're 1.18 here, so not so bad. I buy those 24 packs of Dr. Thunder cuz they used to be cheap. ;)
Thrawn89: Sent to DMs
| 8 | 136.25 | |
1666231956 | 1666492376 | t3_y8lfix | t5_2to41 | 23 | imnotafurry_but: TIFU by saying I would abort a DS baby in front of my grandmother who lost a child with DS.
TIFU by telling my mom that if I ever had a child with Down syndrome, I would abort it, in front of my grandmother who recently lost a child who had DS.
So... yeah. I know many of you are against abortion. I also think an embryo and fetus have life, and having an abortion would be killing that life. However, I don't care what people think, I know me and my mental state, I would never be able to raise a child, or even birth a child I know will have disabilities. This scares me a lot. And it's actually because my grandmother had a child (my aunt) with DS and other heart conditions. I saw what my grandmother went through to raise her child. You can call her a strong mother, but all I saw was hell. The screaming, the yelling, the fighting, the crying, the visits to the hospitals, it was horrible.
I was having a discussion with my mom about pregnancies. She told me that when she was pregnant with me, the doctor offered her to have a test to determine if I had DS, but she refused it, because it didn't matter to her, she wanted to have me anyways. I was taken aback, because we often talked about the difficulties of mental illnesses and how prepared one must be before birthing a child. Also, knowing her younger sister had DS, and seeing her mother struggle, I thought she would take tests to at least know if I was going to be born different. I blurted out "Why didn't you get the test done? If it were me I would've taken the test to see if I'm going to have the child or not". My grandmother happened to walk by and listened to us. She seemed sad but kept walking past us. She recently lost her daughter, my aunt who had DS, and still cries at night her loss. I haven't apologized, because that was my opinion and I was talking to my mom. I still feel bad.
notverrybright: I mean, you don’t have to apologize for having an opinion, but depending on how loud and where you were talking, it might not hurt to apologize (basically, for a lack of tact). Like if someone’s child with DS died, I’d probably avoid talking about aborting on the basis of expected DS, at least for awhile. Just seems like an easy, common sense thing to do.
imnotafurry_but: Yeah, I understand. We talked later. My aunt died back in 2019. It's still fresh for grandma though. The convo about pregnancies was brought up because in my family there's always someone having a baby every 2-3 years. My mom and I often talk about anything at any given time, we just forgot for a second my grandma was with us.
| 3 | 7.666667 | |
1666233256 | 1666286981 | t3_y8lw8t | t5_2to41 | 55 | ModeloTime_Ese: TIFU by breaking up with the woman I loved only to want her back
As the title says, I fucked up by breaking up with the woman I loved because I was unsure I wanted to be with her anymore. After a month of space, I realized I did in fact love her and wanted to be with her again. She said no, the month apart was the most painful thing she had felt, but had already moved on. I don’t know why I did this, our relationship was good, and she was the best. We work in the same place, and Now I have to see her everyday and ignore the feelings I have for her. I don’t know what to do. I want to beg but that would only push her away more.
Edit: I know I’m in the wrong, I’m not fit to be in a relationship. I broke her first. I need to fix my internal problems before I think of trying again. I needed to get this off my chest, I moved away from all my close friends and I don’t speak with them as much as I’d like to
Edit 2: she’s willing to give me another chance, she still loves me and understands how the mind can mess with you. She said she wants me to get better, but that she’d be with me while I work on myself. Thank you all.
DestoryDerEchte: Relationship advice from redditors is always very interssting
ModeloTime_Ese: Yeah, but they’ll tell you straight up what you need to hear, no sugar coating
DestoryDerEchte: Not really, thats the point. But, who am I to judge
| 4 | 13.75 | |
1666274117 | 1666381007 | t3_y8l3ou | t5_2to41 | 269 | FFXIVpazudora: I would "let it slip" to my mutual friends that this happened, they can do the legwork for you. What a dang weirdo.
Either there is more to the story, maybe you ticked them off somehow 20 years ago, or they have you mixed up with someone else who wronged them, or they're just a nut. We will never know...
sherlip: That ain't gonna work. "Hey, what's the deal with you and OP?" and now instantly they know OP's been sharing the story and I see zero ways that ends well.
SuccessiveStains: It's not slander if it's true...
sherlip: Nah, it's not even the slander part. They even catch a whiff that OP's been throwing their name out, cops are back again.
SuccessiveStains: Yup. And that's why we should record all our encounters with the police. They aren't trustworthy.
sherlip: I mean, that was far from the point I was trying to make. I'm just saying, if I were OP, I'd completely drop this. Forget that person, let them live their life. They're clearly not someone you want to be around anyway if they're gonna call the cops on you for trying to message them..
SuccessiveStains: I understand that position. And it's probably the position I'd take too. But it's fun to watch idiots like that lawyer get their just desserts.
sherlip: How is that gonna happen though? Sure, he's a dick, but maybe there's an underlying reason we don't know about. It could be anything.
SuccessiveStains: Same way it happened to that racist lady who called the cops on that birdwatcher. Or that bakery who wouldn't make a wedding cake for gays.
Becoming a widely recognized as an asshole who abuses power.
TheHazyBotanist: >Or that bakery who wouldn't make a wedding cake for gays.
I'm an atheist and completely down with people being gay, but this story was ridiculous. They have the right to refuse service, and it was against their religion. Just go to a different bakery...
It's not similar to randomly calling the cops at all
SuccessiveStains: I meant the actions the public took in response to those events were similar. Not the events themselves. Being canceled for being racist is pretty similar to being canceled for being homophobic.
TheHazyBotanist: Refusing to take part in something your religion doesn't support isn't homophobic. It's homophobic if they actually have a hatred for them. Maybe they are, IDK. I just find it funny how certain groups are encouraged to do things others are hated for. Rules for thee and not for me. That's the motto of most people throwing labels around
SuccessiveStains: You don't have to hate gays to be a homophobe. Avoiding or refusing to interact with people because they're gay is more than enough to demonstrate someone fears the gays.
TheHazyBotanist: Refusing service isn't demonstrating fear. I used the word "hate"because most people like yourself are too dense to understand what a phobia is
SuccessiveStains: You do realize "homophobia" isn't a true "phobia" right? It's just the common term for being prejudice against gays.
They're too uneasy around gays to even try to make judgement calls about individual gays and write off the whole group. They've made a pre judgement about gays. Pre judgement. Prejudice.
bigot
noun
a person who is obstinately or unreasonably attached to a belief, opinion, or faction, especially one who is prejudiced against or antagonistic toward a person or people on the basis of their membership of a particular group.
TheHazyBotanist: Which is why I originally used hate. People understand extremes better than nuanced conversation. Refusing service due to religious beliefs is completely fine so long that they aren't then going out and hurting people. Like i said, just go to a different bakery. Refusing service by itself isn't homophobic.
Homophobia:irrational fear of, aversion to, or discrimination against homosexuality or gay people
A lot of religious people will refuse to partake in gay weddings, but still have gay friends. Just because they choose not to participate in something doesn't mean it's done with ill intent
SuccessiveStains: I'll intent is not a prerequisite to homophobia or racism
TheHazyBotanist: I literally quoted the definition. You can't be pedantic anymore
SuccessiveStains: I literally quoted the definition with sources. You wrote a definition from memory.
TheHazyBotanist: I copy/pasted from the Webster dictionary.... Don't be such a dunce
SuccessiveStains: Thank you for quoting your source. It would have been nice if you had just done that when I asked earlier and provided more expanded definitions from other reputable sources.
| 21 | 12.809524 | |
1666234021 | 1666282843 | t3_y8m5x7 | t5_2to41 | 647 | black_albedo: TIFU by installing a new water heater
About 4 months ago I achieved a life long dream and installed a bidet in my bathroom. I know it seems like a strange aspiration, but after a trip to Thailand in 2016 I have never been able to shake the memory of how pristinely clean my ass felt for that glorious 2 weeks. Toilet paper has become a pale imitation and stark reminder of that toilet shaped hole in my heart.
Now I know what you are thinking, "bidets are pretty cheap, why didn't you buy one after returning to Thailand." I did, but the apartment I was renting previously had a bizarre non standard toilet and I went through 3 different bidets to try and find one that would fit to no avail. I have now moved into a house with a gloriously normal toilet and the first thing I did was slap a midrange bidet seat on that bad boy. It's incredible, my asshole is so clean you could eat off it! Using the restroom in any sort of public space now is an exercise in sadism and my home bowl is the only place I want to do my business.
The house I moved into is old, like built in the 40's old. Most of the appliances were updated in the 70's but for things like washing machines, dishwashers, and water heaters, they were really showing their age. I worked with the landlord to make some upgrades, he was fantastic about the process, and now there is a bevy of new equipment including an electric tankless water heater installed yesterday evening. That fucker is fantastic but I am still dialing in the settings. Sometimes the water can be a bit too cold or come out blisteringly hot so there have been alot of minor tweaks here and there.
This morning I turn the shower on to heat up and do my morning business. The bidet has a slider for hot and cold water that I usually had cranked up to maximum heat. With my old water heater that would eject a focused stream of water that felt like a sip of Gatorade that had been left in a hot car for a few hours. I turn on the jets and feel a little sting but my exhausted brain did not immediately register my critical error as near boiling water shot into my anal cavity. It took about 2 and a half full seconds before the pain signals made there way from my anus to my brain and I flew off that toilet like a man possessed. Immediately I knew something was wrong as the throbbing pain did not subside and got progressively worse over the next few minutes.
After some careful camera usage I was able to snap some photos and my anus had become beet red, swollen, and looks pisssseedd. The pain was very unique. People say that every part of your body is connected to your lower back and if that is in pain everything else won't function. I counter that the true idiom should be every part of your body is connected to you butt hole as every movement and every position sends a sharp pain from my ass to all other parts of my body. I have to go to work. I'm calling out sick with no explanation.
TL;DR installed bidet and new water heater. Pressure washed my asshole with near boiling water.
cgettingbusy: How deep does that bidet get inside of ya boy?
black_albedo: With a little bit of stretching there can definitely be some penetration. In all honestly, it does have a bit more water pressure then I would like sometimes but the model I have doesn't have any way to adjust the pressure level.
SharksForArms: I installed a quarter-turn valve just before the bidet hookup to dial back the supply pressure.
My bidet has a dial to regulate pressure but even the lowest setting would clean out the lower 6 inches in my colon
ligmuhtaint: Not a bad deal depending on what you want.
ZellHathNoFury: Deep clean apparently
| 6 | 107.833333 | |
1666253255 | 1666304633 | t3_y8s5t0 | t5_2to41 | 464 | Mkaltac: TIFU by throwing away a matress
It was yesterday to be precise
I threw away an old matress that had great sentimental value to me.
I thought maybe I should clean it instead but I left it out by the door because I knew the haulers weren't going to come until Friday.
This morning I wake up late and the matress is gone
I'm devasted that I hadn't kept it inside and was trying to cope with the fact that it's gone.
I ask my girlfriend that lives with me if she knows why the matress was taken so early. She freaks out and asks me if I had thrown away the matress
I say yes and tell her I ordered a new one which is on the way.
She freaks out more and says she "hid soemthing valuable in there"
After awhile she admits she hid a ring in there because I told her I'm going to be cleaning it and she hoped I'd find it and see it as an sign or opportunity to propose.
I'm not sure why she thought it was a good idea and our relationship is not that seribut now not am I only devasted over the matress the ring is also lost.
If anyone knows how to get trash back information is much appreicated.
TL ; DR I threw away a matress with sentimental value knowing I'd have a few days to take it back but it got taken right away then I found out that that my girlfriend had put an expensive ring in the matress
Edit : Since everyone thinks having matress for a long time is bad, I keep it but not use it.
Edit2:Alr since people keep upvoting stupid shit here's my sob story.
I was poor af growing up and the matress was the only thing that was mine as I rarely had a desk to myself. It was a place of grounding from a rather violent family. I lost a parent and lived by self since I was 15 and the matress was thing that came with me.
Edit3: I know it probably wasn't a ring but all I can do is tell you what she said.
newaccount252: How on earth can a mattress be sentimental?
Fancey_Fae: I gave birth on mine, it feels more special now
newaccount252: Kinda gross.
Fancey_Fae: Well I didn't feel comfortable on the floor and I decided against the tub, I'm happy with the outcome of the birth
EveryFairyDies: But are you happy with the outcome of the _mattress_ after the birth?
Fancey_Fae: Yes, mattress stayed in the same state as before the birth happened. It was protected with multiple layers of plastic and sheets.
It's time for a new one though because it's old and lost support but it's sentimental now.
| 7 | 66.285714 | |
1666293243 | 1666331262 | t3_y97480 | t5_2to41 | 50 | IAMSRK07: TIFU by asking my friend out and destroying our chance of being together.
this didnt happen today but over the span of months, and today i got hit by realisation of what i did, I (M) 20 asked out my friend (f) 20 out in the month of may, we were good friends that got into conversation by cllg whatsapp groups in midst of pandemic, we vibed very well, we were frank about what we feel and what we do with eachothers, we got really close as friends, eventually i started to catch feelings for her, Me being an anon who never had an experience of any relationship asked her out after few days of meeting irl, she recently went through a breakup, and I unknowingly tried to capitalise on the opportunity, i didnt realise i was manipulating her that way, she was hesitant and denied the same, she said she hasn't yet moved on from her last relationship, i tried to understand her, but then i behaved like the typical nice guy facing rejection i tried to flatter her, convincing her over and over months, i was running out of patience, few times i felt as if i was doing wrong, but still i kept asking her, again and again, she reminded that how her past relationships didnt work but i still kept insisting her, till today we got into argument, i said some harsh truth, as why she should consider dating me, and that she should be consider dating me, then she snapped out she made me realise that what i have been doing was classic case of nice guy, i tried to manipulate her, i ignored her feelings, i did what she was hurted by in the past. she broke down by accepting that she cried after i asked her out in month of May coz apparently every friend she had tried to date her, and when she felt i am different i did the same, i realised that i blew any chances of we being together. I HAVE BECOME A NICE GUY.
Edit: By nice guy i mean a person who acts like a good guy but is a manipulative freak.
&#x200B;
TL;DR: I asked my best friend out and behaved like a toxic guy unknowingly
eddiepaperhands: I think you’re conflating “nice guy” with “toxic manipulative douche.”
IAMSRK07: i used them both as synonymous to each others
eddiepaperhands: Yes, that’s what “conflating” means.
Cl0udSurfer: Being a "Nice Guy" is different from being a nice guy. Nice Guys *are* toxic and manipulative douches, whereas nice guys are just good people.
Nice Guy has become a term used to describe men who behave as if they are owed things from women for simply being a decent human being. They dont realize that the mere fact of having this expectation means that they are not, in fact, decent human beings, because being kind to a woman with the expectation of a reward later on is not actually decent.
r/niceguys has a bunch of examples like this
eddiepaperhands: OP used “nice guy” throughout, not “Nice Guy.”
IAMSRK07: That doesn't make difference dumbass.
eddiepaperhands: Why waste time say lot word when few word do trick
IAMSRK07: 
| 9 | 5.555556 | |
1666303331 | 1666311809 | t3_y9bdwn | t5_2to41 | 38 | [deleted]: TIFU by finding out my sister's secret
[removed]
Reasonable_Bit1034: I would not tell, but I would hint to your parents to check it out for themselves. Don't feel bad. The truth will come out eventually. Or get a teacher/administrator.
RoseyM8: This! Just be like “oh mum, dad, I found out you can check our reports online, I’ll show you how to do it on mine” and then even drop a subtle “I wonder if *sister* knew she could check this way, you should ask her” or similar
| 3 | 12.666667 | |
1666313771 | 1666361461 | t3_y9fcy4 | t5_2to41 | 6,732 | Grouchy_Advance6946: TIFU by quitting my job
A little backstory, I've been working at this place for 5 years and it's been the most toxic place I've ever been. I stayed telling myself the pay was worth it but
the abuse got to be too much recently. I feel like I have to justify my decision by adding that the abuse I'm referring to includes calls 24/7 asking me to do
work from wherever I'm at. I've gotten calls at 3 am, while at a funeral, while at birthday parties, basically whenever my asshole boss wants. Also, he loves to
make me feel like crap and insult me every chance he gets, telling me how I'm a mess and basically useless. When I confronted him about it, he said he paid me enough for me to keep my mouth shut about it.
Well today I had enough. I quit telling him that tomorrow would be my last day and it'll only be to finish what I hadn't today. I don't regret quitting I only regret not doing it earlier. My problem is that I now have no job and have to wait to hear from them places I've applied to. This means I'll be not working for at least a few weeks and as a person who lives
paycheck to paycheck this is my worst nightmare. I don't know how I'm going to make rent next month as I don't know if my last paycheck will be enough to cover it. Now I'm scrambling to find some filler
work while I hear from the other places I've applied to.
Anyone have any advice?
-
UPDATE: thanks to those of you who have left advice on the comments it’s been great thank you. To those of you who are still confused by the financial aspect of it, I realize how that could be confusing, I didn’t think to go into full detail that’s my mistake. My father passed away earlier this year (the funeral I mentioned earlier was his) and I was the one responsible for his funeral expenses as he did not have any sort of insurance, but I do also recognize lack of spending control on my part. Also to those of you mocking my decision to just quit before getting a job, believe me when I say I always wait until I have a job before quitting but someone careless mocking the way my father passed away snapped all my patience and I couldn’t bare to stay any longer. The only reason I’m going back tomorrow is to not leave my coworker with all my I finished projects.
TL;DR: I quit toxic job but now worried about income
wyedamnit: You could try one of the gig-work jobs like Uber, Doordash, etc…
Grouchy_Advance6946: Omg you are right. I’ve been overthinking it so much I completely forgot about this. Thanks for the advice.
TraditionalAd9393: Get the appropriate car insurance from your auto carrier. The Uber insurance only pays once you’ve accepted a ride and your personal insurance doesn’t pay if the Uber app is “on.” So there’s a coverage gap if you crash while using the app but before you accept a ride then all that’s on you.
Edit: it’s usually really cheap to add this coverage to a standard auto policy but some companies don’t offer it.
Edit2: this probably applies to all the delivery services too but I’m not sure. But if you plan to use your car for any business purposes just check with your insurer so you don’t get screwed.
Zakal74: That is absurd. I know a lot of people have no choice but to deal with this shit, but man, fuck all of these companies in the neck.
pengl0ss: Curiously, how is that absurd? You're using a personal vehicle for business use at that point. Businesses buy separate, commercial, insurance for vehicles that are used for business purposes. If anything, Uber was aware of this from the onset and should've considered it by either fronting you the insurance costs or providing some type of coverage themselves because they're 'employing' you during that time.
I agree that it sucks the consumer pays, but someone has to pay for the additional risk taken by the additional miles driven by taking an Uber job. Another reason Uber is garbage, honestly.
QuinticSpline: It's absurd that billion- dollar "gig economy" companies have found a way to legally have a bunch of might- as- well- be employees on the clock working for them, without paying them, providing benefits, or insuring them.
Tinfoilhatmaker: To play devil's advocate, that pretty much is what gig work is. It's a side hustle not meant to be a full time career with benefits and 401ks.
cutty2k: Corporations have co-opted the term 'gig work'.
Actual gig work is by nature temporary. To fulfill a one-off need that isn't part of a normal course of business. If Uber opened an office and hired you off of Craigslist to paint their sign, then congratulations, you're doing gig work for Uber. If they needed somebody to help them sort files for a week or two, and their office admin couldn't do it alone, you're doing gig work.
When Uber, a company that provides rides to people, pays you to *give rides to people*, then you're not doing gig work, you're employed by Uber.
Tinfoilhatmaker: Except you work your own hours, as many or as low as you want. There is no minimum obligation is there? And you choose to accept/reject rides. That does not seem like full time employment to me, even if someone has decided to make it full time on their own.
I'll give you that it could qualify as part time employment rather than gig work, if you really want to stretch it. Do part time workers get benefits? I'm not from the US, so I don't know, and I'm genuinely asking.
cutty2k: While there is no minimum requirement of hours worked for Uber drivers, hours worked is not a metric used to determine whether someone is an employee or not. Hours worked is the metric used to determine whether someone is a part time or full time employee.
"Gig worker" isn't an official type of employment in the US, it's colloquial. The actual term for this kind of position is "independent contractor". The defining characteristic of an independent contractor is that, when you're an independent contractor, the company you're working for cannot dictate to you or control the method by which you accomplish the task, only the result.
From the IRS website:
>The general rule is that an individual is an independent contractor if the payer has the right to control or direct only the result of the work and not what will be done and how it will be done.
>You are not an independent contractor if you perform services that can be controlled by an employer (what will be done and how it will be done). This applies even if you are given freedom of action. What matters is that the employer has the legal right to control the details of how the services are performed.
Applying this definition to Uber, it's clear that operators are not independent contractors. Uber definitely controls the details of *how* the job is performed, like what drivers are allowed to wear and say and what cars they're allowed to drive. The 'result of the work' in the case of Uber is 'person dropped off at their destination in a timely manner.' If a driver was truly an independent contractor, then that's the only requirement they should have to follow.
You alluded to the answer in your second paragraph, an Uber driver that doesn't work full time hours would be a part time employee. A driver that exceeded the hours that define part time work would be a full time employee. The benefits one must provide to part time employees varies by locality, so there's no simple answer to the difference between full and part time, but in general yes, there are benefits that a person would get as a part timer (access to group health insurance, paid sick leave, mandatory breaks, partial tuition reimbursement) that they would not get as an independent contractor. This is why Uber fights so hard to keep their workers classified as independent contractors, if they didn't, then they would have to limit the number of hours an individual driver worked per week to ensure they didn't move into full time hours. If they did this, they wouldn't have enough drivers to provide their service, which would hurt their business.
| 11 | 612 | |
1666315303 | 1666405349 | t3_y9fwar | t5_2to41 | 9 | Poggers0g: TIFU by getting nicotine sick with friends
I was planning to hang out at a friends house with other friends and he doesn’t respond. We get mad at him and will probably jump him later. I’m the sober driver so I was only smoking nicotine. I start to feel sick and realize the awful mistake I did. We go to a mall and while they eat I’m stuck in the toilet. It’s closing hours so the lady asked “anybody in here” 3 times before I headed out. I couldn’t hold it any longer and puke outside the parking lot. A family and their young child witness me puking my guts out and he asks if I’m okay. I apologize that their kid had to see that.
TLDR: Puked in front of a family
throwaway_nowgoaway: Nicotine seems like the best thing in the world when you’re a teenager. Until you overdo it. Hopefully it’ll make you reconsider whether you need to smoke.
Also, I recommend not jumping your friend. That’s not very nice.
Poggers0g: I only smoked nicotine because I didn’t wanna smoke green. I drive responsibly, my “friend” should have not lied
throwaway_nowgoaway: Look, I’m not gonna judge you for using nicotine, I still do.
But imma tell you right now, if the people you’re hanging with think it’s normal to be violent towards somebody just because you’re upset at them, you don’t need to be spending time with them. You’re better than that.
People like that are psychological children who’s feel so insecure they feel the need to violently assert themselves whenever they perceive “disrespect”. People like that end up in prison or dead. Emotionally mature individuals express how they feel with words.
Poggers0g: I was mad atm. I just blocked him, I guess your right though
throwaway_nowgoaway: Word dude, I agree that friends shouldn’t lie. No point wasting time with people who don’t treat you right.
| 6 | 1.5 | |
1666319955 | 1666412792 | t3_y9hiby | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU by ruining my year long friend ship
[removed]
GuyOne: OP, can you please add a TL;DR? Thanks!
Flash4372: How
GuyOne: Create a short one sentence summary after TL;DR. Delete this post and make a new one with it and it will be approved.
| 4 | 1.25 | |
1666321693 | 1666385650 | t3_y9i421 | t5_2to41 | 221 | [deleted]: TIFU by telling a teacher I was SA’d
[deleted]
Wild1inMKE: Appreciate that what she is doing is in your best interest. You can still give her little gifts. In fact she may appreciate them as a sign that you are not upset with her reporting the SA, and that you understand that ethically, she has to report it.
Just as you would like her to understand how you feel; look at this from her perspective and try to understand how she may feel.
Keepmessingupp: i would never be mad, she’s an amazing person/teacher and everyone in the school loves her, at the end of the day, it was my mistake, and yes, she had no choice but to report it again unfortunately. thankyou!
Mission_Ad_2224: My dearest child, you have made no mistakes.
You are strong, resilient and amazing.
Please stop feeling that you made a mistake (which is so much easier for me to ask than for you to do). You have done nothing wrong. The person who hurt you is the who is in the wrong.
You deserve happiness, love and respect. You don't deserve what this person did to you.
I am so happy that you have an adult you can trust, please go to her whenever you need.
Keepmessingupp: thank you, so much.
| 5 | 44.2 | |
1666314361 | 1666397254 | t3_y9fkmb | t5_2to41 | 34 | mrdalo: TIFU by posting screenshots of a snap convo I had with a catfish scammer
Facebook is going wild y’all. I get stupid fake profiles adding me on Snapchat all the time. The hilarious ones I screenshoot and share with friends. Lots of super silly ones asking if I want to be paid to be a sugar baby. I’m a bald man in his thirties who has a body by pasta, no one wants me as a sugar baby 😂
Anyways I shared the screenshots on FB for my friends to make fun of and Facebook AI flagged them as a sincere attempt to human traffic or sell sexual services. Listen, no one is paying me for anything like that (that being said I’m open to the idea if the lady is nice 🤔🤣)
So now I’m restricted on Facebook for the next few days. Can’t post anything or leave comments. I’m not super active on there anyways but this is so stupid. I did file the 3rd party appeal but I doubt that will help. Anyone know Zuck and want to explain that my bearded ass is not really a sugar baby?
Also I already was in trouble from last spring when I commented on a friends post who was going through a breakup. I wrote “men are 🗑” and it got me banned for a day 🙄
TLDR-
Facebook AI restricted my account because my sense of humor isn’t understood by the matrix
WilliamMinorsWords: I also got banned from Twitter for saying unkind things about Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk. I kind of thought you could insult public figures, but I guess not. I lost a 14 year old account.
Orbnotacus: Lmfao what? Why? Lol. The TOS for everything online where there is any firm of interaction with others is the same. Don't be hateful or racist.
WilliamMinorsWords: I was neither. I'm definitely not somebody who is like that. I criticized them and was instantly zapped by the bots as being hateful toward them. I guess it didn't recognize that I was criticizing public figures.
I didn't tag them or anything, and there's no appeal process. Just gone.
Orbnotacus: Where you say "unkind", I say "hateful". They're basically the same thing, and in the eyes of a corporation they are exactly the same thing.
| 5 | 6.8 | |
1666316764 | 1666363334 | t3_y9geam | t5_2to41 | 52 | Calligaster: TIFU by not researching other TTRPGs before creating mine.
I've been playing DND since I was about 8 years old with my family. I loved it instantly, and have played with DND 3.5, 5e, Pathfinder, pathfinder 2e, and BRP, as well as the Star Wars RPG and Cogent (the system created by Shad Brooks). Sometime around playing Cogent, I started putting together a list of the advantages and disadvantages of each system. This eventually evolved into a wishlist, then the seeds of my very own RPG started to form. I knew it would be niche, and likely never get popular, let alone make any significant money, but I rarely feel this kind of drive toward a hobby, so wanted to try anyway. I worked on it off and on for a couple years in my spare time between classes or after work. I had a lot of good ideas, but a so many dead ends. Eventually, back in December of 2020, I took the longest break yet.
Cut to last week. I started getting some ideas, and after coming back to it with a fresh pair of eyes, I made SO MANY IMPROVEMENTS! I simplified or removed superfluous rules, added interesting complexety and possible skill synergies to allow interesting character builds, all on my own, and all from scratch. I was about to start working on fleshing out the weapons today when (on a whim) I googled [lesser known TTRPG's](https://www.thegamer.com/most-underrated-tabletop-rpgs/). "Maybe I'll find some inspiration, or know what kinds of things to avoid." One of the submissions mentioned a core mechanic of my system. I looked into it a bit more.
I had already accepted that nothing in my game would be original, but I figured I was at least combining them in an interesting way. But the more I read, the more my blood pressure rose and the more my heart sank. I HAVE ACCIDENTIALLY MADE A PROTOTYPE OF SHADOWRUN!!!! At least half the mechanics I've read so far line up closely with what I'm already doing. I don't know what to do or where to go from here, I'm so damn angry with myself for sinking weeks worth of man hours into somehting that somewhat already exists.
&#x200B;
TL;DR: I started making a TTRPG from scratch and accidentaly made a Shadowrun Copycat.
Update: I've slept on it. If Pathfinder could find success as an almost identical clone of DND 3.5, then my system is more than distinct enough from Shadowrun. Thanks to everyone for the supportive comments.
Burnrate: How is shadowrun lesser known. That's like one of the most famous, inspiration for all sorts of cyberpunk stuff, multiple video games, a movie.
Calligaster: Lesser known than dnd
Burnrate: But that's everything! :P
Either way don't let it slow you down or get you down! Keep going!
| 4 | 13 | |
1666353380 | 1666353796 | t3_y9rt58 | t5_2to41 | 23 | [deleted]: TIFU by telling my ex I'm a lesbian
I broke up with my ex boyfriend by saying that I'm a lesbian. Now everyone thinks I'm a lesbian. I don't know if I am. At least I don't think I am. He's the first dude I was in a relationship with.
My family doesn't know anything about the dating or the lesbian part. They're very conservative. I want to try dating both men and women, but now I fucked up. And if I 'out' myself if I'm straight, I'm going to ruin my relationship with my family for no reason.
Men think I'm lesbian, so I've pitted myself, I don't think I feel butterflies for women. I'm in that period where I'm confused, but I know for a fact that everyone 'knows' I'm lesbian.
What do I do? Its already gone too far.
Edit: Thank you for telling me I fucked up. I know. And I didn't hurt anyone's feelings because we broke up a WEEK after dating. I didn't think it would go this far and it was my first relationship, I panicked BAD. I'M SORRY.
TL;DR - I told my ex boyfriend that I'm lesbian, but I don't think I am and now everyone except my family (who are very conservative) think I'm lesbian.
twotall88: Life Pro Tip - don't lie to break up with someone, tell them it's not working out and you no longer want to see them.
If this becomes an issue of someone thinking you're lesbian then just say you made a naïve mistake as an easy out to breaking up with the guy.
[deleted]: It's too late now, everyone thinks I'm a lesbian. Idk how to tell them I'm not. I'm pretty sure they're going to condemn me for this too, although that's not the worst part.
| 3 | 7.666667 | |
1666375907 | 1666383699 | t3_ya0hd8 | t5_2to41 | 8 | Deadpan_1: TIFU by finding inappropriate pics of my SIL on my bothers old phone.
I didn’t realise that it was possible to create a hidden folder until about a week ago and up until this point i had never been bothered to try and figure out how to do it. But today i decided to try figure it out as i’ve seen a lot of people talking about it and got curious.
I wish i hadn’t.
For some added context, i’m 18(f) and i have an older brother 22(m) who was kind enough to give me his old phone as he decided to get the iphone 14. I now have his old iphone 13 (yes i’m giving him money for it).
Anyway, i spent ages trying to figure out how to find the hidden folder and i’m honestly embarrassed at how long it took. I moved a random picture into it as i was unsure if it even existed without pictures in there. So eventually i find this folder and it’s locked so i try using face ID to unlock it, doesn’t work. Instead i have to put in my password which isn’t a big deal and i do so. What i was met with has traumatised me and i’m gonna need therapy or something. I won’t go into detail about what was in there, and honestly i don’t fully know as i’ve never swiped off of something so quickly in my life. My brother did a full reset on the phone before he gave it to me so i don’t understand why the contents of the folder weren’t also wiped along with everything else. I’m disappointed in what is very clearly an oversight on apples part and i hope they realise this is an issue before any other younger siblings are traumatised too. My day is ruined. And so is the relatively pristine impression i once had of my SIL.
TLDR:It doesn’t delete the hidden folder when you reset your phone. Do it manually or risk traumatising your old phones new owner.
SuperSyrias: what does inappropriate mean here?
are we talking "sexy pics nobody but SIL and Brother were to ever see" or full on "family dog AND underage neighbour are in on the fun at the same time"?
because as long as nothing truly actually awful is on there, i dont think private pics on a private device is something to get bent out of shape over.
Struggle2Real: >"family dog AND underage neighbour are in on the fun at the same time"
That was just the opening credits.
Who knew that sunflower seeds and super glue were turnons....
NotAValidBratwurst: “The Aristocrats!”
| 4 | 2 | |
1666402086 | 1666411021 | t3_yaaiqe | t5_2to41 | 374 | [deleted]: TIFU by getting creampied before my pap smear
[deleted]
Feelsosophy: Little bit of Greek yogourt ma'm?
cptspeirs: It's Iranian Yogurt.
ATXUberDelight: 
TheLittleNorsk: I MAKE HIM H U M B L E
ATXUberDelight: Fawk tha Hawk Hohgan I break his back in de camel clutch de mudafawka
| 6 | 62.333333 | |
1666403193 | 1666445875 | t3_yaavyr | t5_2to41 | 354 | Poggers0g: TIFU Accidentally letting my dog escape
My dog ran out and I had fresh cement outside so I was scared he was gonna step on it. I chase him in pajamas and a robe outside without a phone like a fucking idiot
After catching him while he finally decided to take a shit. I had to retrieve my sandals I threw at him, it was a attempt to stop or make him listen to me. Some a hole in a old Toyota Prius gave me a weird look and basically California rolled his car while looking at me. I felt humiliated because just yesterday I threw up in front of a family and their kids. To make it all worse and make me more pissed. The contractors opened my gate for which is how he escaped. Not entirely their fault but I thought it was common sense to close a gate that you open.
TLDR: Chased my dogs in street and retrieved my sandals I threw at him and got humiliating looks because I was in a robe and pajamas.
TangeloBig9845: What breed of dog?
Poggers0g: Shiba inu, specifically my dark orange/brown one
caoram: Then you brought this upon yourself. Husky and Shiba owners picked hard mode dog keeping themselves.
Evening-Difficulty17: 🤣 I knew huskies were a handful, but didn't realize Shibas were too.
Daidis: Add Australian Cattle Dogs to the hard mode list as well.....first time dog owner and my fiancee picked him out 🥲
Evening-Difficulty17: Is he a runner too? I know they are high energy and need to work.
Kale: Australian shepherds are extremely intelligent. And you have to keep their brains occupied and challenged. Or they will use that brainpower to disrupt your life as much as possible.
After I was married, my wife and I wanted a low maintenance dog, so we got a Brussels Griffon. That dog could stare at a blank wall for three hours and be entertained. He was not bright. Took us forever to house train him but he didn't really enjoy playing like other dogs. He wanted to be petted. He'd bark when someone was at the door. That was the extent of his life. He snored like an idling chainsaw, though.
Evening-Difficulty17: Oh my gosh, that is one of the funniest things I've ever read. Wow, you had some dog!!
| 9 | 39.333333 | |
1666490421 | 1666514117 | t3_yb53hw | t5_2to41 | 27 | [deleted]: TIFU by fooling around with a close (f18) friend
[deleted]
MysticMcCusker: Who wants to tell him? I can't bear the responsibility
Medium_Cry23: The sex was bad..?
Mode-Klutzy: Woop, there it is!
| 4 | 6.75 | |
1666623963 | 1666624471 | t3_ycdn0v | t5_2to41 | 45 | [deleted]: TIFU by eating my cheating GF out
[deleted]
TheLostSeraph: The fuck did I just read 🤮
BreadSimulator: Fiction
misanthropewolf11: Exactly. No way this happened. I’ve read this EXACT story before. Probably didn’t happen then either.
TheLostSeraph: That’s comforting…I guess
| 5 | 9 | |
1666662269 | 1666662668 | t3_ycsp2c | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU by lying about my weight to my dentist.
[removed]
GuyOne: Please add a TL;dr, reply to this comment and I'll approve you.
GoatCheese240: I added the tldr, Thank you
| 3 | 1 | |
1669208556 | 1669287321 | t3_z2oksc | t5_2to41 | 3,246 | [deleted]: TIFU by letting my bf fuck the shit out of me
[deleted]
marvin565: I once was hitting it like that with a friend, but anally. I was enjoying the view, the sensation, everything, then suddenly, I realized that my d*ck had a spinach leaf wrapped around it. Up to that point, her vegan ways hadn't really manifested other than at the table....
$%^^/$$%spellchecker!
Groucho_MK13: I bet when she finally pooped it was such a re-leaf
ArltheCrazy: So will a vegan swallow during a bj? Isn’t that an animal byproduct?
Groucho_MK13: Interesting question, I'm gonna say no...
ArltheCrazy: It’s an age old question.
Groucho_MK13: I feel like they would just be a hypocrite if the did swallow, but the real question is swallowing technically cannibalism?
ArltheCrazy: Oooooooohhh, well now we have ourselves a thought experiment!
Tyziepoo86: Cum is same category as human breastmilk, it’s not an animal product so any vegan down to gobble it down is fine to do so.
Different_Pack_3686: So vegans can drink human milk, or cum.... but not cow milk? Not sure I compute.
Intelligent-Safety-3: So I can shoot breastmilk into a lady and she will use alchemy to produce a child?
Not the same. At all.
Tyziepoo86: I meant for vegan consumption mate, cmon use your head.
Intelligent-Safety-3: That's what she said.
| 13 | 249.692308 | |
1669257198 | 1669306080 | t3_z37z59 | t5_2to41 | 27,286 | [deleted]: TIFU by asking my boyfriend to use sex toys on me
[deleted]
get_off_my_lawn_n0w: You said "IT'S NOT THAT DEEP!"
Ouch!
Edit: lol. I got 10k votes on the shallowest of conversations. This is a first for me. Thanks guys.
Zalminen: There once was this cute gal named Flo
whose sex drive was awfully low
so instead of the boys
she'd order some toys
to explore just how deep things can go
Ok-Replacement6940: There once was a lady named Jill, who tried a dynamite stick for a thrill.
They found her vagina in South Carolina,
And bits of her tits in Brazil
DocSarcasmo: There once was a hooker named Dot,
Who kept a pet fly in her twat,
When you ticked her fuzz,
That fucker would buzz,
Till you glued his wings shut with a shot!
PhunkyPhlyingPhoenix: Ew. I represent Britain and I'm here to say her name should be Pat or something.
dirtydayboy: >There once was a hooker named ~~Dot~~ Granny,
>Who kept a pet fly in her ~~twat~~ fanny,
>When you ticked her fuzz,
>That fucker would buzz,
>Till you glued his wings shut with a shot!
bazoril: Apparently some people didn’t want to know that much about their granny 😂
dirtydayboy: Haha. I was just trying to help out u/phunkyphlyingphoenix with the American to British dirty limerick translation
Potato4: Last line doesn’t rhyme now
bazoril: Till you knocked his wings off with a whammy.
Happy?
Potato4: Not bad! It is assonant heh heh but doesn’t rhyme. I came up with this
There once was a hooker named Granny,
Who kept a pet fly in her fanny,
When you ticked her fuzz,
That fucker would buzz,
And the echo it made was uncanny
| 12 | 2,273.833333 | |
1669223482 | 1669369074 | t3_z2ummj | t5_2to41 | 12,318 | mightierthor: TIFU by being good at a video game
It's the late '80s. I am at the local rock club, playing Arkanoid. I was a regular at the club, and had gotten pretty good at the game. Even I didn't realize how good.
A gal comes up behind me and says, "If I beat you at this game, you have to buy me a drink; but if you beat me, I'll buy you a drink." Of course, the right move here is to stop playing, declare "You win.", and go buy her a drink. This is the wrong sub for that. Hmm, this is the wrong _site_ for that.
"That makes no sense!", I think. "I bet she isn't even any good at this." I don't even drink much, but the prospect of a free drink _from a gal_ was all the incentive I needed. I _CRUSHED_ it. Played longer than I had ever played before. "OK. It's YOUR turn!" "Where the F did she go?" I am still wondering.
TL;DR: TIFU by being competitive instead of not an idiot.
Capable-Site-301: "I've won..... But at what cost?"
RacistProbably: A girl once invited me over to “play Mario kart”
She said she was the best in her family and would dominate every thanksgiving
Once I was there she is telling me how her parents won’t be back for awhile so we can just hangout
“Yeah but where are we going to play Mario kart?”
I didn’t have a Wii yet and I really wanted to play Double Dash.
She reluctantly boots it up and says “ok but if I win we have to do whatever I want”
We start the game, I’m having trouble with the motion controls at first. But as every Mario Kart aficionado knows, Mario Kart has a rubber banding function that keeps last place and first place relatively close.
I get it together on the last lap, bombing shells and boosts.
I red shell her on the last turn and take the win.
She throws her controller all the way into the kitchen as she storms off and tells me to leave.
Went to my buddy’s house to play MW2 and I didn’t think anything else about it until I read this post.
Bytesu: Double dash was for GC and so obviously didn't have motion controls smh, got to get that story straight
RacistProbably: I could have sworn that you had two riders on the kart
Which one did we play?
TheSeagoats: That's Double Dash, which could be played on the Wii with a Gamecube controller, but definitely no motion controls.
RacistProbably: I guess I’m confusing the memory. I know there were motion controls cause we had the steering wheels, could have sworn there was some drift function too
That made me think it was double dash
dryingsocks: mkwii has drifting
No-Elk9791: Mariokart has had drifting since super mariokart for snes lol.
Tribbles_inc: I think they meant the auto-drift feature in the Wii edition. Lol
No-Elk9791: Im sorry what the fuck? AUTO DRIFT? Naaaaahhh
Bytesu: Sort of auto drift, it does screech you sideways but you can't get drift boosts so all it really does is let you take tighter turns.
| 12 | 1,026.5 | |
1669214389 | 1669225974 | t3_z2qt5q | t5_2to41 | 655 | [deleted]: TIFU by falling for an exchange student
[deleted]
BlondeBobaFett: An hour isn’t that far apart… why not still see her?
CondensedRiver: I can’t really go into details but when I say I really can’t, I can’t. Sorry for being kind of broad.
Vast_Reflection: But unless she’s leaving because you creeped her out (which it doesn’t sound like it is) then why not send her a postcard, letter, text, or phone call?
CondensedRiver: When she switched from advanced to regular, her coordinator strongly advised against it and so she requested a move, we met afterwards and the move just came into affect. But yeah I don’t have a full liscence and so fourth. I’m going to stay in contact of course but I just can’t fathom only having digital communication. Either way it is what it is.
Lampadaire345: You can most likely buy bus tickets or train tickets to visit her. There's always a solution
OMGoblin: She will probably have friends in her new school to be honest, lets be real this guy needs to chill he's known her for a hot second and it's literally high school lol. Like you said, public transportation exists but it's just not worth it for this fleeting acquantance, honestly the dude is already building a future with her after one lunch, it's a bit creepy.
Lampadaire345: Bro if they get along I dont see why they wouldn't see eachother. Let the kid live.
| 8 | 81.875 | |
1669251832 | 1669357478 | t3_z363vg | t5_2to41 | 3,176 | rubyroses123: TIFU by forgetting to wear underwear
I was in a rush today to get to university, and i personally go commando for the nights (better breathability), and forgot to wear underwear before my commute. I went to meet with a professor, ran some errands, and then went to the bathroom. as im wiping, i notice some blood on my tissue. to my absolute horror, i had my period and no underwear. i had no clue what to do, and so i tried to use some of the free tampons my university provides. as i was sitting on the toilet, painfully so, i googled a wikihow article because ive never used a tampom before. finally, i said fuck it and put it in, but i did it absolutely wrong and it was hurting and made me feel dizzy, so i took it out within minutes of putting it in. AND this entire time, i had plans that i couldnt skip. i stuffed some tissue paper between my legs and into my vagina and fucking bolted to meet them. i then had ice cream with them and kept that tissue paper between my legs for about an hour before i left to go home on a bus that took 40 minutes to get home and clean myself up.
i absolutely hated today.
TL:DR: i forgot to wear underwear, got my period, misused a tampon, and stuffed tissue paper between my legs for about 2 hours.
bluehawkxs: I was 14. It was summer. Everyone was going swimming. I really wanted to go too but had my ragtime. While everyone went to the pool down the street, I went into my mom's bathroom and looked for a tampon. Never used one before. Didn't know how they worked. It was a plastic applicator type. So I unwrapped it and then slid it in. But it stuck out about 2 inches. I kept pushing it in but it would only go so far. Those 2 inches of plastic wouldn't just disappear in me. So I put my bathing suit on and it tented out. I didn't know what to do, so I just went to the pool. I was really self-conscious about the whole tenting thing. Was going on the diving board and really aware that people have to notice. Til finally my sis came up and asked me what's going on down there. I told her and she explained the plastic part isn't supposed to stay in. Nice memory I get to have on the tribulations of being a chick.
improvmama101: I was in middle school and going to the pool with family and got my period. I was so desperate to swim that I asked my aunt to put the tampon in for me. Smh
Looking back I feel really stupid for this. That aunt was a team player though. I asked my aunt because my mom never and still has never used a tampon.
TolUC21: I don't think that's anything at all to be ashamed of. I'm sure your aunt didn't even think twice about helping you out.
Minejack777: Exactly. There's no reason to feel ashamed about it, and honestly I'm sure their aunt is touched that they'd trust them enough to ask for them to help them :)
Dohnjoy: I misread it as ‘thrust’
Minejack777: Huh. That changes things quite a bit now doesn't it!
| 7 | 453.714286 | |
1669169954 | 1669214484 | t3_z2cl8s | t5_2to41 | 10,678 | ComradeBabushka: TIFU by assuming that lobsters are cheap and I was getting a steal
This happened about 3 years ago when me and my parents went to this fancy seafood restaurant in Thailand.
Alright so we sit down and we’re browsing through the menu and I spot a lobster dish which only costs about $5.5 and I was like holy shit this is so worth it so I order it. The dish comes in and since it was so cheap I just ate it all without bothering to share with my parents. After I finished I was thinking damn I want more and its only $5. So I ordered another dish. I was thinking to myself, “why aren’t more people ordering this, its so cheap and delicious”.
Well lo and behold, my dad receives the bill and he is horrified and visibly paler, he passed the bill to my mum and she gasps. The bill was around $130 and a $100 were those two lobsters while my dad and mum ate around $30 worth of food combined. I was like “WHAT, THAT’S NOT RIGHT“ because the lobsters are $5 each so we look at the menu and my dad is in pure disappointment and says “It’s $5 per 100 grams” and the lobsters I ate were definitely not only a 100 grams.
Looking back at it, I was not the brightest teenager and should’ve remembered that if we are sitting in a fancy restaurant in the most prestigious mall, i don’t think they would be selling lobster for 5 dollars.
(Changed currency for better comprehension but it was in THB so $5=200THB while $55=2000THB)
EDIT: Changed my mistake where I wrote “Lord and behold” instead of “Lo and behold.”
TL;DR I thought lobster was only $5 but it was actually $55
multi_tasking: Were these parents not at the table when you ordered it? Just took your word it was 5 bucks and didn't bother to do anything else?
They also didn't have an issue when you asked for a second?
KyloRenCadetStimpy: Sounds like a lot of education happened at that table
Beneficial_Tough3345: Who the heck orders food by the fuckn gram? Are they also cooking with chocolate Buddha
thai stick??
volkylovesyou: Its common for asian seafood restaurants to charge seafood dishes by grams. Especially if you go to a live seafood restaurant.
Beneficial_Tough3345: Til not to eat at a restaurant in Asia
LameBMX: When in Rome blah blah blah. Embrace the different customs and enjoy the different norms.
g-g-g-g-ghost: Or, you know, he could just avoid the lobster, it isn't like it's anything special anyway
LameBMX: Pretty sure, from the comment thread, the seafood at the live seafood restaurants would be sold by weight instead of flat cost.
"
Its common for asian seafood restaurants to charge seafood dishes by grams. Especially if you go to a live seafood restaurant.
"
g-g-g-g-ghost: Yes, I'm aware, but lobster just tastes like big gamy shrimp, the most apt description I've heard of it is as a "butter delivery vehicle"
Ashesnhale: Dipped in butter is only how white people eat it. Asians have all kinds of different sauces and methods to prepare lobster
g-g-g-g-ghost: That may be, lobster is still oversized shrimp, shrimp can have the same sauces, and are fantastic in those sauces, lobster still tastes like gamy shrimp, just with better sauces. It's not a hard concept to grasp, shrimp is far superior to lobster.
imapteranodon: I must disagree (but of course everyone has different tastes). North Atlantic lobster is very sweet and tastes vastly different than shrimp. I'm not much of a shrimp fan at all unless it's fried, I just don't like the texture and there isn't as much flavor. Smaller lobsters are way sweeter than larger, older ones though. A lobster or two along with some good steamer clams or even fried (whole belly only, not strips) clams is a must for me at least a few times each Summer, and I'll grab a few lobsters to make rolls throughout the later months as well.
g-g-g-g-ghost: The lobster I had in Portland Maine, right on the dock, was probably the worst lobster I've ever had, and is what prompted my comparison to gamy overcooked shrimp, my brother's all agree, and they didn't go to that particular place, but have all had lobster independently(though my parents do like lobster) it's over hyped for what it is.
| 14 | 762.714286 | |
1669207132 | 1669321550 | t3_z2o2o5 | t5_2to41 | 594 | [deleted]: TIFU by changing the resolution on a free game
[deleted]
Pur3strownu: That shouldn't be possible... if this did happen then that was just the destiny of the card. I'd make sure ur power supply isn't fucking up while you were at it too
Anikii_arts: This stuff happened before in new World where it was desroying RTX 3090s.
But destiny for my graphics card breaking was probably at hand too :D
And yea, I checked it, nothing seemed wrong.
bac0n_cheddar: Why are people downvoting this?
UnifiedPhoenix: Probably because the issue with new world was faulty soldering on higher end cards that caused issues. Although the game wasn't optimized right, the manufacturer even said it was soldering issues
bac0n_cheddar: Ok I understand that’s the issue, why are people downvoting his comment about his own personal experiences?
UnifiedPhoenix: That's the only reason for any downvotes on OP's comment. Saying New World was killing cards when it was a manufacturer issue. No reason to spread a false narrative saying AGS is responsible when they weren't the issue. That's my guess anyways
| 7 | 84.857143 | |
1669146078 | 1669235492 | t3_z22tik | t5_2to41 | 8,236 | SpaceIsTooFarAway: TIFU by spending $20 on apples because I didn't know how self checkouts worked
So today I went to the grocery store on my lunch break. Not a big trip, just going there for two things: cream of chicken soup (to make stroganoff) and bread flour (to make bread). While I was there, I saw a bag of honeycrisp apples for $3.50 a pound and thought "Sure, why not?"
So I head to the checkout and I scan the flour and set it in the bagging area. This is where the fuckup happens. I don't put the flour in the bag, I just set it next to the bag.
I then set the apples down, see that they're produce, and punch in the little code on the bag. The apples come out to like $20 with tax, and say that the bag is five pounds. I'm a bit surprised by this, but want to get home, so I scan the soup and put it and the flour in a bag and head out the door.
I'm to the door when it hits me. The flour. The five pound bag of flour. The bag of flour that's in my right hand and obviously weighs more than the bag of apples in my left.
Dear reader, the place where I put the flour was the scale. You know the thing where people scam self-checkouts by claiming that things are bulk flour? I did the opposite of that. I scammed myself and paid $20 for like eight apples.
Tl;dr: don't compare apples to flours
bostonchef72296: Honey crisp apples are pretty big-
According to this website a five pound bag of apples could have as few as 9 apples in it.
https://measuringstuff.com/how-many-apples-are-in-a-5-pound-bag/
Perhaps you didn’t actually weigh the flour and the apples did actually weigh that much. $3.50 a pound is kind of expensive for apples!
SpaceIsTooFarAway: It was at a weird old people grocery store. Maybe this is actually "TIFU by buying overpriced apples"
bostonchef72296: Yuuuup. I never buy grocery store apples that cost more than $2.50 a pound. They’re never worth it!
last_rights: The apples I typically like are $2.99 lb.
I was super pleasantly surprised to find that the grocery store had gotten a huge shipment and was only charging $1/lb. I was pleasantly surprised and went home with twenty apples.
libralovely: Upvote simply because I never thought I'd see pleasantly surprised and went home with 20 apples in the same sentence
Foggl3: They're a real life math problem person
ebby-pan: I don't think 20 apples is unreasonable if you like apples and have a family or baking skills
bighunt16: Even for one person, 3 apples a day for a week is about the amount of fruit you should be eating if they're smallish to medium sized apples or a little more if they're jumbo apples.
oaschbeidl: According to what? You don't need any fruit at all to be healthy as long as you eat a good amount and variety of vegetables. If I ate a ton of apples, they'd just give me mad diarrhea (fructose malabsorption, it's fun).
bighunt16: Oof yeah, sounds fun. I know that current recommendations are based around a mix of fruits and vegetables, I was just saying that 3 apples a day is more or less a normal amount of fruit. Of course your mileage may vary.
sharuffino: I’ll ask it again: according to what?
| 12 | 686.333333 | |
1669256526 | 1669300870 | t3_z37qql | t5_2to41 | 3 | DeathBunnny: TIFU by being horny
Obligatory I'm on mobile sorry. This wasn't today it was a couple of years ago. But it's the most fucked up thing I've done.
I went to university out of state and I didn't know anyone at all. My friends were a sixteen hour drive away. I met this guy named L. L was fun, not bad looking, and could sing amazingly.
I was lonely and hadn't yet learned that you don't have to fuck everybody for them to want to hang out with you. I was smitten and did everything I could to get him to sleep with me. One night we were drunk and we started making out and I gave L a blow job. The next day he said that we couldn't do that again as he has an on/off girlfriend back home.
He agreed to stay friends and we hung out a few times over the next two weeks. I met his roommates, one of whom was his brother. They all are great. That weekend they're throwing a house party so he says I should come. I show up, have a good time, and get roaring drunk. Not blackout drunk, but certainly enough to not be making good decisions.
This guy V pursues me aggressively all night. He lives there and at the end of the night I decide to go upstairs and sleep with him. The sex is fantastic, but the next morning I have a huge freak out. V is L's brother. I know this as we've all hung out before. What the fuck have I done?! I take off in the morning and manage to avoid seeing L. V still keeps pursuing me and we end up dating. I'm hanging with V and it comes up that his brother got the best blowjob of his life the night I was with L (it was actually on topic, not out of nowhere). My heart starts pounding with panic. Does he know?
I don't say anything to L. He just finds me there one morning and already knows what's going on. I am too afraid to talk about it and have him tell V. I bail before he can bring it up. I figure if he tells then I'll have no friends and no boyfriend. I still want L, but at least I'm having great sex with V. I just pretend nothing happened and keep seeing L when we hang with everyone at his place, meaning he has to watch me with V and not tell him what happened. I refuse to talk to L about the whole situation.
One night there are some friends hanging out at L & V's place and one of them is doing like tarot kinda readings with a deck of regular cards. He reads L's cards and talks about him and his brother having something between them that's causing drama. He goes on a fair amount about it and it's getting increasingly panic-inducingly accurate. There's no way he could know. As it goes on, L just turns looks at me and starts shouting are you fucking hearing this? I take off and refuse to tell V what the fuck that was about. He tries to worm it out of me but I ignore him. My heart is pounding so hard I think I'm gonna explode.
Every time I was at that house hanging out, I'd be with V and L would be there. Occasionally L would make comments, but they were vague enough that no one had any idea what he was referring to. I stop hanging out with L alone as friends, I'm afraid his brother will suspect something. I didn't want to, but the relationship with V is going south. He's getting erratic and he starts being verbally abusive. L sometimes finds me at his house in the morning, crying after V leaves for work. L and just sorta sits with me. He doesn't know what to do. I don't know what to do. Things get worse and I end up with a restraining order against V and can basically never see L or their roommates again because of V. He's jealous and stalking me so I just vanish from their lives.
After that, I often thought I ended up with the wrong brother. Also that was an awful thing to do to L so good that he didn't end up with someone heartless like me.
TL ;DR I gave a guy a blowjob, started dating his brother, lied about it, and ended up losing them both.
Intelligent-Web-9707: Did this even happen?
DeathBunnny: 100%. Happened and I still feel bad about it.
| 3 | 1 | |
1669223786 | 1669247816 | t3_z2ur8p | t5_2to41 | 812 | TwoPintsNoneTheRichr: TIFU by throwing my wife.
As per usual, not today but roughly a year ago or so my wife and I were feeling a little frisky and started making out in the living room. With things moving towards more advanced activities we began to move towards the bedroom. In the process of this she jumped up onto me, straddling me so I could carry her while we kissed and walked to the bed. It is important to note at this point that my wife likes it that I'm a bigger guy and can lift/move her around because it makes her feel more dainty. So, as we got close to the bed I thought it would be a idea/dramatic/sexy to lift her by her torso and throw her off of me and onto the bed. As I did this I felt a popping sensation underneath my right palm which was pushing against her ribs. As soon as she landed she grabbed her side in obvious discomfort but trying to downplay it so we could continue with our planned activity but after a few breaths I could tell that it really was hurting her and we ceased the activities. At that point I recommended we take her to urgent care but she refused saying she was fine. After a few days of dealing with the pain she finally got checked out and xrays showed that I'd cracked two of her ribs. Obviously, I'm horrified that I hurt my wife and am MUCH more cautious but she still finds it funny that she broke her ribs during sexy time and actually bragged about it to her friends.
TL;DR: Tried to be manly and throw my wife onto the bed for sexy time, broke her ribs and didn't have sexy time.
Damien_Blaq: The first time I slept with my son's mother, I did something similar. I picked her up off of the couch we were making out on, carried her into the bedroom with her legs wrapped around me, then proceeded to put her down on the bed in a dark room... I miscalculated the positioning of the bed, and ended up full on body slamming her into the floor NEXT TO the bed... Fortunately, she was not hurt and we laughed hard about it. As you can see in the beginning of this story, she still let me smash even after smashing her into the floor.
fss71: Why not just say wife / ex-wife? Lol
Ocean_Spice: … You are aware pregnancy can happen outside of marriage, yes? Like fertility doesn’t only kick in once you’re legally married.
fss71: Absolutely and usually that could be a girlfriend and based on the reply it may seem like it wasn’t a girlfriend either so it seems like the mother could have been a friend of whatever relationship they had or currently have
Damien_Blaq: It seemed easier and less wordy then saying "The woman I was dating for 4 years, went on to have a child with, then break up with for 6 years, and get back together with a couple days ago."... I dunno... *Maybe that would have gotten point of the story across better.*
zookeeper4312: Not sure anything u said could've gotten the point over any better in this case
| 7 | 116 | |
1669109421 | 1669110580 | t3_z1pb4r | t5_2to41 | 27 | [deleted]: TIFU by causing a lock down at my high school,getting expelled, and going to juvie in my freshman year.
Not today, happened a month or so ago. Just need pinons.
You must be thinking "What the fuck is wrong with this guy?" And that's pretty reasonable. I'm not a school shooter, in fact I never even had any intention of harming the school or anyone. I simply made a joke, a shit post if you will, saying don't come to school tmr. If you look up don't come to school tmr. I mean the first thing that shows up is know your meme.
Little bit of context, I'm 14, and was in a small charter school for the eight last years. I hated that charter school so much, so little people, so little amounts of girls (I'm a dude), even so little people to befriend. I could go on forever about how terrible the school was, but that ain't what this post about. In my city there is one big high school, not saying the name for obvious reasons. Last year, when i was in eighth grade, and I couldn't wait to go onto high school. Before I knew it, I was a freshman. The first trimester was actually goated. Met a lot of people, started talking to a lot of cute girls, because somewhat popular, etc. Life was good.
I had terrible mental issues for the entirety of last summer, reality defying type shit. And when I started school they completely disappeared. Maybe because I had so much more to do, so much to look forward too. I was getting surprisingly great grades. In my 6 classes I had 4 A's, and 2 B+s. To say the least, I was loving my new school. I could see me having a great 4 years there. Then it happened.
My "downfall" started with me getting covid. It was my First time getting covid too. Symptoms weren't that bad, mild cough, pretty stuffed up and that's about it. After two days of covid, I was bored out of my mind. I had my gaming computer in my room and I could play games on it, but I was missing school so bad. There was this one girl in my Spanish class, let's call her S. I don't know what it is about S but I had a massive crush on her. She ain't the cutest girl Ive ever seen or anything, but I used to text her. Text her is actually a understatement. Me and this girl would talk everyday for around 6 months, I'm not even that sure why. I was super desperate to get a girlfriend back then, again not sure why. I ended up blocking S after 6 months because we kinda just stopped texting. Anyway, I really liked a S. She was the only reason I liked Spanish class, which is pretty crazy. Not too surprising though, the teacher was not a nice lady. Talking about S sounds like a random detail right now, but it's somewhat important later.
During the night of the second day of covid (hope you understand what i mean), i was especially bored. Like a new level. To tame my boredom, I hopped on my alt Instagram account which was coincidentally named "A\_Angry\*My city\*\_Kid. I begin making a ton of random ass posts on my alt. Just weird posts like writing something in Russian and making a poll saying yes or no. I made like 10 of these stories, a few even had my face in it. One of the stories was a black background with the text don't come to school tmr. To add a cherry on top of this already stupid fucking idea, i added a count down to a random time, which ended sometime around 1.
I saw it as a complete joke. As a complete shit post. As nothing. As something someone would seem and skip past without caring. My stupid ass didn't even see the fact that anyone would see this as a threat. Fast forward to the next morning, a few hours after I wake up, my dad tells me that there was a lock down at my school, and i immediately thought about the post. I open Instagram and every story is lock down photos with text like "I hope we don't die", I obviously freak the fuck out. My dms are filled with people asking if I did this. I respond with most of these saying something along the lines of "FUCKKK I MESSRF UP, I WAS JOKING NOOOOO."
But I was in a sort of shock so i thought I would be fine. I didn't think I would get in trouble, I thought I was A OK. Incorrect. THE FUCKING FBI TRACKED MY IP AND SHOWED UP AT PLACE WITHIN 30 MIN. Actually the cops showed up and talked to my dad. After maybe 15 minutes of talking with the police they take my computer and phone, which I thought that was the entire punishment, Nope. They arrested me. They charged me with criminal threats. Didn't even read my Miranda rights. Was handcuffed and placed in the car. I asked the cop in the car if there was any chance i was going to juvenile hall, and he responded that's where were going right now. Heart dropping shit fr. T
his was the first time I had ever been in any trouble with the law. Since I had covid, I was stuck in a holding cell for about 4 days before I was allowed to be near the other inmates. The solitude was terrible. Yall don't even understand, stuck in a cell for 96 ish hours with nothing to do. By nothing I MEAN NOTHING. FOR MOST OF IT NO BOOKS, NOT BALL, NOT PUZZLE, NOTHING. Staring a wall for hours. I COULDN'T EVEN WORK OUT, covid made my muscles so fucking weak. For you guys who ever in prison, i was essentially in the hole. THE FUCKING HOLE. Although after getting out of solitude, juvie was kinda fire. That sounds stupid, but it's kinda true.
There were some real interesting people in there. Guards were chill people. Inmates were either cool people or fucking psychos. People in for attempted murder were the people I hung with. They all found it fucking hilarious how I caused a lock down. Got a nickname school shooter. When juvie wasn't fire it was hell. Days were extra long, its thanksgiving break right now and these days are flying by like a plane. In there it felt like time was two times slower. I would call with my parents every other day and visit twice a week. Most of the visits were just depressing. Constantly getting bad news. At first I thought I would be out within a day of being in. A day turned into a week. A week turned into 2. I also first thought I was only suspended from high school for 5 days. Then I learned I was expelled. That really hurt. Hurt a lot. Realized that i wouldn't see S anymore. That made me almost cry. After 2 weeks I went to court.
I got out on diversion. Essentially probation for 6 months then my record is cleared. Great deal. I have no intention to violate it because why would i. When I got out, I got a lot of messages from people. Turns out everyone knows it was me. By everyone, I mean EVERYONE. Kids at my old school, kids at other schools, my best friends grandma. HIS GRANDMA. To say the least I was infamous. Mega infamous. Ive heard different perspectives from tons of different people, some say people at my school don't care, some say tons of people want to kill me, some are glad they got to cut class.
At the moment, I am at the high school version of that charter I went to. Its even worse than the middle school. None of the people there are my crowd, their either mega stoners or furry nerds. There's like one dude who is actually a pretty cool dude. Punk emo German dude. Strangely I'm like the most attractive guy there though. So i have gotten a lot of girls attention. I'm allowed to go back to my old high school for sophomore year. which is in like 8 months though. By then no one will remember me but they will remember once they see me. There is a lot of gang/ violence at my old school. But at the same time it's a mega stoner school, so I feel like most wouldn't care. Oh and also S for some reason wants to go skating with me sometime so thats kinda cool. Not sure if ill do it though. I might go back to my old school for sophmore year but im not sure. If you read all this, wow. Ive been shaking since i started writing this, i cant keep my hands still. My nerves are all fucked up when i talk about this shit. This is a pretty sore topic of mine, but I feel like I need other peoples opinions. I am posting this on a throwaway, because well you know. Any feedback (even negative) is highly appreciated. Anyway thanks for any feedback and good night.
TL;DR: Loved my new high school, got covid one day and made a joke saying don't come to school tmr. Didn't even realize that people would take it seriously. Got expelled, thrown in solitude juvie for 2 weeks, not I'm infamous at every school in my city. Pretty much infamous everywhere.
DcikHurtzer: Sounds a lot like anyone’s first days in juvie. the only thing you left out was that shitty blanket. In the future don’t be a dumbass. Or more of the shit blankets food and the people get worse.
[deleted]: fuck that blanket. and mega fuck the god damn plastic slides
| 3 | 9 | |
1669259727 | 1669308820 | t3_z38u0p | t5_2to41 | 7 | someone_who_exists69: TIFU by misreading a post
Disclaimer: Since I'm on my phone, the grammar might be messed up. Additionally, this didn't happen today. Now on with the same story
Since there wasn't much to do, I spent a lot more time on my phone than usual since I was bored with gaming
While scrolling through comments on a r/gaming post, I noticed that everyone was talking about how good outer worlds was. I decided to try it out since it was on game pass since I was bored and without any games to play.
I had been playing it for a while now (1-2 months I think) until I looked at the post again. I saw that I had misread and everyone was talking about the outer wilds, not the outer worlds.
TL;DR It took me 1-2 months to realize that everyone was talking about the outer wilds instead of the outer worlds when Reddit told me to play the outer worlds.
Express_Information5: Wow, that's a big fuck up, will you ever recover?
someone_who_exists69: Not everything has to be "TIFU by sending the launch codes to russia" or "TIFU by accidentally assassinating the president"
Express_Information5: What's your definition of a fuck up, then?
someone_who_exists69: A negative outcome as a result of your own actions.
This is a negative outcome because i wasted my time searching for somthing that was never going to come, and it was my own actions because i didnt read it right the first time.
Express_Information5: You found a video game that you played for several months, not really a negative outcome. Your several minutes of wasted time is too trivial for this sub.
someone_who_exists69: I was searching for something thag was never going to come.
If you dont like it, then downvote and move on.
| 7 | 1 | |
1669218090 | 1669221899 | t3_z2sc4p | t5_2to41 | 196 | LetmeCry818: TIFU By ruining my boyfriend’s family’s thanksgiving
I (22F) don't even really know how to start this. I know it's my fault despite multiple people telling me it's not. But I can't help how shitty I feel. I ruined my boyfriend's (25m) holiday.
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years, and we don't live together (we both still live at home and have plans to move in together in the fall). Since the lift of covid restrictions, we've been trying to switch for the holidays about going to each other's family dinners and parties. This year, we decided to do it separately, as his sibling just had their first children and I wanted to be with my grandparents because we rarely see them due to us living in different states; yesterday, however, my mom told us that she wasn't feeling well enough to drive across states, and she also really wanted to hold it here at our home for my dad, who never gets to go out of state for the holidays because he watches our three dogs and spends it by himself with a frozen pizza. So we put it to a vote and decided that we would do Thanksgiving at home this year (there are seven of us in the family, including siblings and parents). I was happy.
My boyfriend asked if I wanted to spend the holiday with his family since they live locally and it wouldn't require driving a lot, but I just decided to stay with my family and he stay with his so that there was no pressure and we could each just relax, which we weren't able to do last year with driving back and forth.
Here's the part where I fucked up.
Yesterday my boyfriend and I had awful days at work and just wanted to be together to absorb each other's company. Being together, no matter the circumstances, always makes us feel better. He had a rough day, and though he wanted to go home and relax, i asked him to come over so we could just be around each other and relax together. So he decided to come over after my mom went out with my older sister to get our nails done (she wanted to treat us before the holidays). After he came over, we ate and went upstairs to watch a movie. We hung out, decompressed and complained about our days, and then we moved on. It was a good night.
Then this morning happened. My mom woke up not feeling well. And of course, it couldn't be a common cold or even the flu.
She has covid.
I found out right when I sat down at my desk this morning. I scrambled to get ahold of my boyfriend to tell him, and now he and his mother are staying home for the holiday. I feel like shit, especially because this was the first time since the new baby that everyone would be together, and now he has to stay home. I feel like an asshole because I asked him to come over even though he just wanted to go home. I feel like shit because I get the day with my quarantining family and he is alone. Because of me.
I have offered to bring him food, but I don't know how to make this better. We are both vaccinated and boostered. But that doesn't help. I ruined his holiday.
TL;DR: I accidentally exposed my boyfriend to covid two days before thanksgiving, just found out today i've been exposed. Now he will spend the day alone.
BreadSimulator: You feel guilty because you love him and are capable of feeling empathy. But that doesn't make it your fault. It's just a shitty unforeseen accident. Is your boyfriend acting angry or upset or implying that you ruined his holiday? Because that wouldn't be cool at all.
LetmeCry818: No not at all, he’s very understanding, but I still feel awful. His family has been through very traumatizing incidents the last couple of years and this is the first time they’ve been able to be together, with two new additions to the family. And now he can’t go. I know he’s upset and hurt he can’t go now because of the babies and he doesn’t want to expose them. He didn’t say I ruined his holiday, but it’s still my fault for exposing him
Letifer_Umbra: Do you feel the same way about the one who exposed you?
LetmeCry818: No, she didn’t know. She felt fine all yesterday but then woke up with everything and tested positive
greatdevonhope: Nearly there, did you know before you met up with him?
LetmeCry818: No. I see what you mean
greatdevonhope: I hope you do as this is not anybody's fault. Not yours, not you mums, so no guilt needed
| 8 | 24.5 | |
1669203696 | 1669227932 | t3_z2my3h | t5_2to41 | 2,770 | [deleted]: TIFU by pushing my wife into the sofa
[deleted]
Aquaticbadger: If this is in any way standard behaviour in your family then you shouldn't have a kid. Clearly shouldn't even be in a relationship. It's sad that there is no solution at this point as whatever happens will be harmful to yourself as well as your wife and child. Good luck to you.
[deleted]: Thank you for the good luck after basically saying I'm shit outta luck lol. Luckily you have no idea what you're talking about.
Aquaticbadger: No problem. It's not easy to hear bit I hope you get things sorted so you can move on
[deleted]: It's actually very easy because it's not true what you said in the slightest, I'm actually patching things up with her as we speak, and I'm going to get therapy to ensure it doesn't happen again. I'm good, bro
Aquaticbadger: Awesome. Usually when I'm nailing a relationship I seek therapy.
Seems like you agree with me or you wouldn't be taking those steps. Glad we found common ground even if you did come in a bit defensive
[deleted]: Well saying to a random person that they've no chance and that everything is going to end in tragedy for them is bound to have that reaction much of the time. But yeah I'm definitely taking the steps which feels good.
Aquaticbadger: Wouldn't be mending things of they weren't broken. Good luck to you.
[deleted]: Wouldn't say anything is broken, but there's definitely room for improvement. And thanks again for the good luck, although I have a hard time figuring out if you're being sincere lol
Aquaticbadger: I'm being sincere. Honestly just think it's really sad that a child has been mixed up in all this. Doesn't seem like a healthy environment
[deleted]: Nah, we're gonna be good. But thanks for the pity, I'm sorry I couldn't find better use for it.
Aquaticbadger: No pity for you. You got yourself into this mess. Just the poor child that concerned me. Can't be good fir him/her/zir
[deleted]: Couldn't find use for it with regards to the baby either, like I said we (including the baby) are good.
Aquaticbadger: OK fella. Whatever you need to tell yourself. Maybe stop whining online about your wife if everything is fine.
[deleted]: I'm way past the whining, I'm just having fun at this point.
Aquaticbadger: Really? You find talking about how your wife thinks you're abusive and the damage that is probably doing to your child, who she is afraid to let you touch, to be a fun experience?
That explains a lot. Only spoke to you for a minute and I can see where a lot of her issues are coming from. You seem aware that your behaviour is unusual and yet don't seem to understand or care how that might impact others.
[deleted]: I'm having fun at the seething of people like you, and the crazy far fetched accusations and conclusions you think reading a couple of online posts can justify. Beside that amusement, I've found some actually helpful advice which I'm thankful for, which compassionate and understanding people unlike yourselv have been kind enough to bestow, people who have been in the same situation and what not.
Aquaticbadger: What would make you think im seething? You do seem to be getting a little upset yourself. I think you were just looking for pity. Classic narcissistic move. It's upset you that I've not played along and I've actually given you some real advice and you are too shallow to reflect on yourself. You have managed to change my mind a little though. I do pity you now.
| 18 | 153.888889 | |
1669259975 | 1669320348 | t3_z38wvq | t5_2to41 | 213 | goonerhsmith: TIFU by sending an NSFW link to the group text about my childs' daycare provider being diagnosed with breast cancer.
TIFU by sending an NSFW link to the group text about my childs' daycare provider being diagnosed with breast cancer.
Mere moments ago, I was basking in the glow of a few Thanksgiving eve whiskey drinks, and browsing reddit. I happened on this link via r/all:
1990, A topless woman ceremonially kicks off a match between Hungary and Colombia to celebrate the fall of communism and the liberation of women in Hungary. [NSFW]
https://v.redd.it/pvzkljaxcr1a1
I found it amusing given the current events surrounding the World Cup and, boobs, so I went to share it with a group text of several soccer loving male friends. They were the second thread down on my text threads. The first thread was my child's daycare provider sharing with every single parent in the daycare that she had been diagnosed with Stage 1B Triple Negative breast cancer. Yeah. I hit that one and fired that shit off with zero fucking hesitation.
I immediately apologized to the group and then sent the daycare provider a private message begging for her forgiveness. I then sent a private message to any existing holy power to take me where I fucking stand. She has not responded. No one has said anything in the group. I literally went and took a shower to wash it off of me. Holy fucking shit. Reddit, not even once.
TL;DR I sent a link with killer tits to my kid's daycare lady with tits that are killing her.
UPDATE: As evidenced by the above post, apparently, I'm pretty shit at using phones, but even I know an sms message cannot be taken back or deleted from a receiving party. This was a normal group text thread with mixed platform users. That shit is out there once you hit send. No one I know uses Whatsapp, but I can see the virtues of the platform in very high definition about now.
Shortly after I posted, the daycare provider responded. Thankfully she has a great sense of humor, and had been given a much better diagnosis than expected. I guess, lucky me, when you're told you have a better shot at living some tits in a text aren't such a big deal. My wife still has to do drop off and pick up until at least next year.
Zkootz: Why did you not just delete the message fast?
arsenicx2: You can't just delete a sms message. If it was RCS or you have the delay sending on you might have been able to. However once a sms is received you can't delete it off someone else's phone.
Zkootz: Dude, if it is SMS, sure, but if it's an app using modern technology such as internet, it is often possible to remove messages. And I'm not sure SMS is even able to have group chats, right?
arsenicx2: His post clearly states it was SMS, and yes SMS has group chats it was the standard.
Zkootz: I see now that there's been an edit that it was sms used. Not included in the original post
arsenicx2: Ah yes it was in the update I read the post after it.
| 7 | 30.428571 | |
1669235573 | 1669240609 | t3_z2zq3o | t5_2to41 | 282 | Warm-Conclusion-8891: TIFU by thinking my Zoom call was on mute
I joined a webinar at work today with about 50 other people. Normally when you join as just a viewer, you're automatically muted in my experience. Someone came in the room and I didn't hear them open the door but looked behind me it scared the shit out of me so I yelled "fucking hell!" in shock and continued going on about how I didn't hear them etc... And was promptly muted by the host.
It was an educational training video on something pretty serious so I felt so bad. I apologised in the chat saying I didn't realise I wasn't on mute. I didn't know anyone else on the call but they all work for the same company so I'm not sure if that makes it better or worse.
TLDR; Assumed I was muted on a zoom call, yelled profanities, was swiftly muted.
PvtPill: Number 1 rule for any virtual meetings: always double check you’re on mute. That’s a beginner mistake you only make once
Warm-Conclusion-8891: Honestly, I should've known better as I always check... The one time I don't, lessons learned!
searcher58: Second rule, don’t apologize in chat.
| 4 | 70.5 | |
1669136941 | 1669215237 | t3_z1yxhx | t5_2to41 | 4,990 | secretlyangel: TIFU By reading wattpad smut at the age of 13
I (20F) was having sex for the first time with my boyfriend (20M). It was hurting but since we had an emotional conversation prior to it I was feeling ok pain wise.
It was missionary position so I was literally laying down and doing nothing except the occasional back scratch or holding his face. Suddenly I remembered the smut I had read on wattpad 7 years ago, it was something like the male character encouraging the female to basically cum for him, in a possessive, assertive and dominating way. I thought it would be sexy to I kept repeating with force "*his name* CUM FOR ME".
I believe until recently that it was sexy but today my boyfriend wouldnt stop telling me that he was scared for his life and he felt like if he didn't cum I'd eat him alive. And now I'm cringing so hard that I literally am so embarrassed of those three words that I kept repeating during our first time. He mimics me and he told me to open my eyes as wide as I can, in a scary way and he was like that was exactly your expression during sex and that he was sacred (joking and teasing manner ofcourse!).
I just want to undo that moment and my boyfriend is having such a good laugh about it.
TL;DR- by telling my boyfriend to cum for me thinking it was sexy but now I'm scarred for life as he mimics me.
___Phreak___: If it makes you feel any better the first time I had sex I said "ride me bitch" yeah.. not good
Lu12k3r: I think I lasted a 30 seconds. It was not her first time. I tried to hide it and I said, “I cant keep it up…” she pushed me off and rolled over and didn’t talk to me the rest of the night because she thought I found her unattractive.
___Phreak___: I hope you told her the truth. "Normally I last for hours but you're so hot I only managed 30 seconds"
CentralAdmin: When you're with me baby all you need is two minutes because I'm so intense.
Cos two minutes in heaven is better than one minute in heaven.
mcnathan80: Oooh yeah, sounds like it's business time
CentralAdmin: You know when I'm down to my socks it's time for business, that's why they call them business socks ooh!
mcnathan80: Brushing my teeth counts as foreplay
myfriend92: And then she takes out the recycling. It’s not part of the foreplay but still very important
| 9 | 554.444444 | |
1669252485 | 1669281428 | t3_z36c4m | t5_2to41 | 46 | [deleted]: TIFU by not saying "I love you" back
[deleted]
Jameschoral: Paragraphs are your friend. Don’t be afraid to use them.
Training-Listen-4345: LOL I don't know why it ended up like that, I remember using them but thanks I edited it
| 3 | 15.333333 | |
1669233637 | 1669263310 | t3_z2yx0s | t5_2to41 | 9 | OccasionPristine2056: TIFU by saying yes to teaching English
This is gonna be a long one people, saddle up.
So, my(21m) English professor, let's call her M, from college asks me to teach her daughter(16m), let's call her S, English.
There's a lot to the story where bullshit is a mild word for the description, like a couple weeks ago, it was M's birthday and she posted a story of a cake with the caption..."thank you so much my lovely brother for the TESTY cake."
Now i live in a place where people don't know how to speak English properly, i on the other hand have made it one of my topmost priorities to not look like a dumbass whole I'm talking in English and continue to master it every day.
M came to our college at the very last semester of my degree and saw that i was good at English, of course she did because half the fucking time she didn't know what the fuck i was speaking because according to her "Issac" is pronounced "eesaak".
I corrected her MULTIPLE times on this and all the times her reply was "i know there is a name Issac, but in this chapter they pronounce it as eesaak." I understood right there that this bitch doesn't even read the chapter, she watches YouTube videos of other people explaining that chapter and gives us the half ass lecture, with little to no insight of her own.
So onto out situation here, she asks me to teach her daughter how to speak English, she could very easily a write and read stuff, but there were obvious problems like she couldn't read and absorb at the same time, she can't read very fast etc, so i say what the hell, i get to pass my wisdom onto someone.
She then puts me through to S, and she's a 16 year old. And while I'm trying to sound as normal as possible so that she could understand me, all she is replying yes sir, ok sir and shit like that, the situation was dire.
So then i started teaching her with some ways i got better myself with for a couple weeks and then she started blowing classes off because of her exams or she had to go out or some other bullshit, i couldn't care less because i had my own exams to worry about.
Couple months go by without any classes.
And all of a sudden i get a text from M saying that S has stopped coming to the meetings (S lived in a different state, we did the classes over the internet,) i tell her that S got busy or probably wasn't interested at all and i had my own stuff to worry about, she then says that she would tell her daughter to start the classes again.
So then a couple days go by and she attends the class, i thought should initiate the subject of her interest so that she may be a little less nervous and would wanna speak up. So i talk for an hour by myself as she says yes sir and ok sir. I then understood this girl doesn't wanna be helped, or at least not right now.
Then M Shares D's snapchat as i couldn't contact her on her birthday (she insisted, even though i was hesitant). So i wish her a happy birthday and we talk for about 5 mins before she says she has a crush on me.
Now I'm a fair 7-8 maybe, and i could see why what happened happened, but i really didn't know what to do at that point so i kept her at bay.
But then the snapchat messages began, now i wanna be honest here, this girl is very pretty and quite beautiful, but she has NO idea how normal dating is done. To her it was as if i say yes to her and we get married within 2 years happily forver and after.
No, I have serious commitment issues, maybe because I'm 21 and I'm not looking for anything that serious yet and even if i was, hello, she's 16.
We kept talking on a regular basis because i couldn't just cut her out because of M, and she might ask me what happened and why am I not responding to her daughter.
And also she is a nice kid, completely deranged on general concepts, but still a nice kid.
Every now and then we talk she slips in messages like love you and babe and stuff that would be flirty or over the top crazy. But i kept batting every one of those away because i was a hundred percent sure that i don't wanna get involved in any of this for multiple reasons.
I kept telling her that there's no meaning in waiting for me, get over her crush and move on with someone else, maybe if she ever comes to the city I would consider it, but not now under these circumstances. I regularly asked which boy has a crush on her in her school and maybe she should try something with them etc etc.
After a month of talking, she is a good friend of mine, i actually care about her, i tell her how things are supposed to be and what you should expect from different relationships and stuff like that. I really do care about her with no romantic feelings whatsoever.
I should've mentioned earlier that she doesn't understand while talking virtually there are things that can be misconstrued for different meanings unless there are emojis or something to give off what is the time of the sentence.
So by this point whenever i shoot her down or remind her that I'm not her boyfriend and she shouldn't expect anything, she gets mean.... And i mean 9th grader popular girl mean, and throws some stupid fit over something she already knows is not gonna work. And comes back by Apologising literally under 3 minutes.
Now i et it go a couple times before because of the crush and how it must be hard for her, but today she actually managed me to piss me off.
She says she doesn't wanna the puppy who follows me and waits around for me and she's over my crush,(relief)..... Then she says i should leave her alone and let her do whatever she wants, i was pissed instantaneously.
I kept warding off this bitch, for her own good, i puy her safety first because that's what any responsible man would do, and i was a good friend to her, and she was a part of my life too, i too found a good friend in her, and she just decides all of a sudden that she doesn't have a crush on me so i shouldn't even be her friend?
I went ballistic, then told her sure have it's your way, I'm leaving you alone, not after 2 mins i get her text, so what are you doing.
Now i dont know how some people would react but i again blasted her with every rude comment i showed her every conversation where she was rude to me where it wasn't even my fault and the many times i let it slide, and then the drama started again, she's sorry, 20 stickers in a row.
Now all I'm thinking is why couldn't have i just said i am busy, it would've been so much easier. So fucking easier.
I have successfully ignored her through these hours and I will be clear about my intentions from now on if she decides to act civil.
This has taken quite a poll on me emotionally, maybe because my exams are in a couple days or idk. I just had to blow off some steam so i came here. Thank you for reading. Have a nice day.
Tl;dr- Fucked up by accepting to teach my professor's daughter English and she ended up by crushing on me.
TheDaoOfCute: INFO
I fail to see anything you have specifically done wrong, aside from not immediately telling your professor his daughter makes you uncomfortable as all hell.
OccasionPristine2056: Yess that's a very good point, but i didn't wanna be a snitch. I know i have nothing to back me up, and it was a stupid, but i thought i could've really handled it myself. I mean a 16 year old right? That's easy i thought, oh boy how hopeful i must've been back then...
TheDaoOfCute: A snitch? What the fuck?! What the hell would you be "snitching" about? Aren't you an adult who has to deal with a flirty child? What the fuck is there to snitch about? This just makes you sound like you were enjoying the attention.
OccasionPristine2056: Well, trust me that's not the case, i was being put on a pedestal which was just cringy for me, that's not something I'd prefer happen to me. But idk something just kept telling me that i could handle it, and technically her mother knew about it, she actually contacted me a couple days later saying how we've been talking quite a lot these days and i said yes, and she said she's too young for dating yet nd i totally agreed to her. While i was talking she didn't tell me about her daughter's crush even though the daughter told me she told her mom, so there was not much i could do is she herself wouldn't outright talk to me at that time, but i did advise her to talk to her daughter about holding out in this stuff for a while until she's a little older and her studies are much easier to handle.
| 5 | 1.8 | |
1668801843 | 1668814288 | t3_yyjwro | t5_2to41 | 10 | Disastrous_Potato605: You might consider a womens studies class, or even just reading through some female subReddits. I’ve found r/askmen has taught me some stuff about men
Matt_Kimball: Have you ever considered the idea that not all woman are the same.
Disastrous_Potato605: I never said they were, in fact I was pretty vague specifically to avoid an argument
Matt_Kimball: Sounded quite condescending but maybe not...have a good day
Disastrous_Potato605: Maybe u go to therapy too then bud 😊 was that condescending enough?
Matt_Kimball: Yea my initial thought was right, thanks for reminding me not to second guess myself.
Disastrous_Potato605: Glad to have made u feel validated 😊
Matt_Kimball: Validated about the knowledge of your ignorance..so yea. Thanks!
Disastrous_Potato605: Ditto 😘
Matt_Kimball: You're welcome! I'll take your reliance on emojis as acknowledgement of a verbal defeat. Better luck next time babycakes.
Disastrous_Potato605: 😂😂 Aw poor buddy thinks playground rules apply to the internet. Ok sport 😊
Matt_Kimball: Says the one communicating through emojis..
Disastrous_Potato605: Says the one apparently too incompetent to understand conveyed emotion lol look out! Take cover! He’s got the last word! 😵
Matt_Kimball: You can take the last word after this, it's ok. I already "won" this little quarrel. Have a great weekend.
| 14 | 0.714286 |
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.