start_date stringlengths 10 10 | end_date stringlengths 10 10 | thread_id stringlengths 8 10 ⌀ | subreddit stringclasses 1
value | subreddit_id stringclasses 1
value | total_score int64 -564 194k | text stringlengths 52 58.9k | num_messages int64 3 160 | avg_score float64 -55.17 14.3k |
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1668668069 | 1668691190 | t3_yxj8yk | t5_2to41 | 13,027 | thedirkfiddler: TIFU by hooking up with my ex
TIFU by hooking up with my ex
This happened a week or so ago, we’ve been broken up for about two months but spent the last week sorta rekindling/hooking up.
Anyways I was at home smoking some weed and minding my own business, she had went out drinking with some girlfriends and ended up texting me around 11pm asking if I was ready for her. Me being a man of course I say yes.
Anyways she comes over and immediately gets naked, we start doing the freaky freaky and as per usual when she is drunk she wants it doggy style.
So anyways we continue going, she says to me “you know what I need” and I’m like “yup I do” like a good old golden retriever. I give my old thumb a good lick and insert it into the back door.
We keep going for a few more minutes and decide to change positions, it’s at this point when I pop the cork I realize I had some doodoo on my thumb, me not caring I jump up quick and go to my washroom to clean said thumb before we continue. This is where she asks what I’m doing, I quickly tell her I’m just cleaning your shit off my thumb. Well, that wasn’t a good idea. Apparently I killed the mood and it instantly reignited a fight 😂
Why did I bother cleaning my thumb off, how much was actually on there, etc. it was enough that it covered my thumb nail, I wasn’t going to rub that in her hair or my bed.
I thought I was being a gentlemen by cleaning my thumb instead of rubbing it all over her, but I guess I embarrassed the shit out of her.
TL;DR hooked up with my ex, opened the back door with my thumb and got some doodoo on it, cleaned it off and ruined the mood by being considerate, did not finish.
improvmama101: You did the right thing by washing it off, but a white lie would have saved the mood.
I had a similar conversation with my ex. If you’re going down on someone and end up with something extra in your mouth, take care of it and move on. If you tell me about it, now I’m embarrassed and feel gross and it’s all over.
I just nonchalantly spit the fuzz out and keep on going.
Aradhor55: Something... extra ?
I hope you're talking about some hair and not anything else or it become really strange
lapideous: An extra jolly rancher
bread-cutter: A WhAt
rottenstatement: trust me, you don't wanna know the story behind that
No_Seaworthiness7140: I do
DeadlyShaving: It is the most famous and vilest of reddit stories
[at your peril](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/9wcte/reddit_whats_the_grossestnastiest_thing_thats/c0er6q4?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3)
I'm telling you do not read it
EDIT: We are not joking, seriously do not read it. You do not want to read the jolly rancher story.
Letitbemesickgirl: Whyyyyyy the fuck didn’t I listen, I read it. Omg.
DeadlyShaving: Pmsl welcome to the club. Every single person says virtually identical thing. Now it's your job to warn people yet still welcome them to hell by giving the link lmfao
Letitbemesickgirl: Already sent it to my best friend !
AirBear___: Awwwww, I'm sure they'll appreciate that
| 12 | 1,085.583333 | |
1668101834 | 1668111988 | t3_yrm56x | t5_2to41 | 1,439 | shann0n420: TIFU By shipping 40,000 pairs of socks to my grandmoms house.
[removed]
AcrobaticSource3: If there are too many socks, here’s what you do: wash them all in a washing machine. When you take them out of the washing machine, you will have half the number you put in! The downside is that they all will be left foot socks
Basscyst: You have socks that go on specific feet? That seems like a helluva ploy by big sock.
silversatire: I have a pronounced difference in length of my toes from longest to shortest, creating quite a slant. Socks might not start off as left/right socks, but once I’ve worn them a couple times there is definitely a team left and a team right.
jiibbs: That's the strangest thing I've heard today.
Thanks for that.
| 5 | 287.8 | |
1669589641 | 1669600935 | t3_z6fdmn | t5_2to41 | 54 | kairosbiz: TIFU - BY EMAIL BLASTING THE ENTIRE SCHOOL
For background, I am in a course right now where you have to find a way to drive 10,000 page views on a website you build over the course of the semester. It's safe to say that I procrastinated on the project and was DESPERATE to find a clever way to drive page views to the site.
I stumbled across a way to access the school's entire email database and thought it would be funny to send a staged email to a friend and CC the entire school. The plan worked flawlessly and it was HILARIOUS. I had a MASSIVE email chain going and a bunch of people sharing the email on social media. I jumped from \~500 views to about 15K views overnight.
Although it was funny to me, the school's IT department did not find the email chain very amusing and contacted me to see how I managed to access the email database. I told them I stumbled upon it and that I sent the email for a class assignment. They ended up contacting my professor and he apparently had to talk to our administration about what happened.
I was asked to see him in his office and he told me that I violated the college's privacy policy and did not follow the assignment's guidelines and as a result, he had to give me a ZERO on the project. The project is worth about 70% of our grade so by failing it, I essentially failed the class :,(
I guess this is what happens when you think outside the box.
TL;DR - I sent an email blast to my entire school as a joke and ended up failing a class because of it.
\-
[The website in question](https://sites.google.com/colorado.edu/coloradohoroscopes/meme?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=post&utm_campaign=TIFU&utm_id=ap)
TexasRedJames1974: This isn't a result of "thinking outside the box"
This is a result of procrastination.
Rag33asy777: Why can't it be both? Usually under extreme pressure is when people think outside the box.
TexasRedJames1974: Let's phrase it this way: it wasn't a good example of thinking outside the box. If OP hadn't procrastinated on doing his/her assignment, then they could have built up the page views over time without having to resort to doing the unauthorized chain email.
ShockAndAwe415: Or... they saw a weakness in the system and took advantage of it. Only thing they might have done was BCC the group rather than CCing everyone.
Doesn't sound like any harm was done. It's more about admin being embarrassed that their end is screwed up and is trying to use OP as a scapegoat for exposing their ineptness.
TexasRedJames1974: Embarass the boss (admin) and sh\*t tends to roll downhill to you.......
ShockAndAwe415: If they're an insecure prick...
If I was hiring, I'd like OP's thinking and wouldn't hold it against them.
| 7 | 7.714286 | |
1668580657 | 1668648853 | t3_ywm5hc | t5_2to41 | 3 | Leading-Chef-5534: TIFU by cheating on my wife.
I 26 M have been married to Anna (28) for three years now.
I and Anna used to be very close. We used to tell each other about every little detail of our lives. We used to always go out on dates. Almost two or three days a week.
We however started to slowly drift away. She got promoted on her job now she makes 6 figures a year and I’m truly happy for her maybe a little envious but nonetheless I’m happy for her. The only problem was that we started talking less. Her long work hours and very unorganized schedule makes it very hard to plan on anything. At first we started hanging out less, then we started talking less, and now we barely talk to each other apart from good mornings and goodnights. On the rare occasion we would eat breakfast together we would talk and that’s all. Our sex life has disappeared entirely.
I complained to my best friend about this and he planned that all the boys gather and go to the bar. We did yesterday. I was drunk for the first time in two years.
Things happened so fast. As I met this girl we talked a little. I don’t even remember what we talked about or her name. I however remember that I went to her apartment and we hooked up.
I threw the most important thing in my life that moment. I truly regret what I did. I wasn’t able to talk nor look in Anna’s ayes. I just tried to keep myself occupied. And I know that this is wrong. I want to apologize and to tell her what I did I want to be judged by her and I want her to know the truth. I however don’t know if I’m able to talk about it. I just don’t know how to prepare for that conversation, how bring it up, or How to deliver it.
I never was a player. I only dated two girls in my entire life and I don’t know how this act came from me.
I’d be absolutely grateful if anyone would give me advice.
Tl;dr I cheated on the person I loved the most and I’m not sure what to do.
Useful_Experience423: I always say, if you know, like you *know* deep in your soul that you messed up, but will never, *ever* do it again, then stay quiet. Your guilt is your punishment and your partner is not responsible for assuaging that.
If you think you may do it again, confess and set both of you free.
Either way, get couples counselling to deal with the state of your relationship and how distant you’ve become.
Apollyom: Far to many people don't understand that first part. They touch on it in an episode of How I met your mother. when robin cheats on her boyfriend who, told her i don't want to know. Most of the time people confess for themselves and not their partner, it makes their life easier not easier for their partner.
| 3 | 1 | |
1669591205 | 1669622547 | t3_z6g16x | t5_2to41 | 7 | anddianddro: TIFU by touching myself
I'm a trans guy with no lower surgery, testosterone keeps me pretty horny most of the time and I live alone so spend a lot of time absentmindedly touching myself.
I have a number of health issues including arthritis in my hands, recently I had my pain relief cream changed from Volterol - to capsaicin...
I'm sure you can join the dots...
I made a mental note when applying the cream to not touch my face and keep my hands above the belt, and I did so well for a good couple of hours!
And then of course, the fuckup - the worst part is that the sensation was initially very mild and I didn't realise what was happening and rubbed a bit harder cos it felt quite good - and then it REALLY didn't.
It's been 15 minutes and the burning is just not letting up, I have rinsed, repeated and now have a cool pack nestled between my legs.
TL/DR; spicy cream + delicate areas = long lasting ouchies
EdlynTheConfessor: Milk/cream/yogurt. You have to dissolve the oil to get it off.
anddianddro: Time to get messy!
NerdHerder77: Lmao!! Getting "messy" got you here in the first place! But soap for sure, dairy for emergencies or oral use only. Repeat as often as necessary.
anddianddro: Thank you! The soap did help, I managed to get to sleep so it must have worked well, I am burn free this morning!
| 5 | 1.4 | |
1669593395 | 1669666318 | t3_z6gwe8 | t5_2to41 | 11,089 | Melissaayk: TIFU by eating a cupcake in the freezer while my husband was at the gym
UPDATE: Drank water last night and actually got to bed at a good time (Good thing times moves fucking slow when tripping). Woke up actually feeling fucking great today! Time to go see my dying patients on hospice!
EDIT: Also, I said delta 8 as a lie since it’s legal here, sorry for the confusion as I was not in the most clear state of mind yesterday! And the mention of LSD was since that’s usually my preferred psychedelic and not shrooms
Hopefully I can get through this message, it's difficult to focus right now lol
I just got home from Thanksgiving in Texas with my parents and my husband couldn't go with me this year. He stayed in town and saw our friend while I was gone. unknown to me he bought some homemade cupcakes with psychedelic mushrooms from him.
Early this morning he picked me up from the airport and when we got home he decided to run to the gym. While he was at the gym I decided to go to the freezer to get ice cream. There were several items blocking the way so my lazy ass decided to not move them to the side to grab it. As I was closing the door, I saw some cupcakes and thought they were leftover from husband's thanksgiving since I couldn't be there. So I ate one and started doing some chores. we decided to go to the in-laws when he got back to watch the football game.
When we got there I started to feel off and feel panicky. I already deal with anxiety so I was worried I was having a panic attack which hasn't happened in a while. I decided to lay down at first since I felt light headed. As I was laying there, I felt the panic keep rising and wouldn't stop. I decided to go the bathroom and blow my nose since I was basically full on crying on their couch. I didn't know why I was feeling this way, and it even crossed my mind that it felt like I was coming up on LSD. I just thought my anxiety was higher coming off of vacation and going into the work week.
It took me a second, but I looked at the floor and the patterns on it started moving weirdly. I immediately thought back to what I ate today, and then it hit me.
I went back to the living room and asked him to talk with me for a second. Mind you his parents are right there too and saw me on the verge of a breakdown when I left to the restroom. We went up to his mom's office and I asked him if there was anything in cupcake I stole from the freezer.
After our conversation, we went back downstairs and his mom asked if I was okay. It was clear I had been crying and was not with it. So told her
"I accidentally ate a delta 8 brownie from my husband's friend" (weed is illegal here too) and I just tried to laugh it off while giving lots of side eye to my husband. And it's just the start of our night... Send help omfg
TLDR: I'm unintentionally tripping balls on mushrooms at my in-laws in the middle of a football game
MarvinLazer: These stories about grown adults accidentally eating treats with drugs in them are insane to me because I would NEVER bring home any normal looking food with a psychotropic substance in it without first warning my wife.
CharlotteLucasOP: Do people not put masking tape labels on things with dates and warnings anymore???
qrseek: My friend accidentally ate weed brownies recently that his friend brought to a potluck and placed on the table next to all the other food, unlabeled.
CharlotteLucasOP: 🫠
It’s roofie-ing people and we should treat it as such.
nobeboleche: I mean it was in his fridge… maybe don’t eat stuff that’s not yours without asking?
Edit: I replied to the wrong comment somehow. Sorry
HeadWolf69: In a relationship or a family, hopefully food is a communal thing, and the rule is to not polish off the last of everything. But if there’s 6 cupcakes I assume it’s ok to eat one.
nobeboleche: I totally agree with there being communal food, but we have an agreement that if something is is clearly something someone bought for themselves or maybe an occasion that’s about to happen, you at least ask first. I understand her thought process, but my girlfriend would definitely text me which would have given me the option to let her know there are mushrooms in it.
altxatu: How is that not obvious courtesy to your partner? It’s not like everything is labeled and divided. Just ask instead of taking and hoping it’ll be fine. It’s not even close to being roofied, because the person did it to themselves through their gluttony and selfishness. Just ask. Use your adult words and communicate. It’s really not all that hard.
fourthfloorgreg: Bro, if it's in my fridge and not specifically labeled for some specific purpose that's permission for me to have some.
altxatu: No it’s not. Not even close. Have some manners and ask about it. Don’t be selfish. Have you ever been craving a food only to find out someone else ate it? It’s seriously disappointing. Don’t be the cause of someone’s disappointment if you can help it. Think about the other people in your house, and exercise some self control. Just leave it alone until you know for sure. People are allowed to buy themselves food treats and expect it to not be eaten. If it’s not obviously communal, just ask whomever got it. I’ve found almost all of the time, someone will share.
Maybe it’s for someone else? Maybe it’s for a special event? If you don’t know for sure, just ask.
At the very least don’t eat the whole damn thing.
Let’s say a younger sibling has a bunch of Halloween candy. Do you take it without asking? Of course not. It wasn’t given to you. It’s not yours. You know that. You have to ask first, and the sibling is fully within their right to refuse to share. You might be upset about it, but they’re still within their right to refuse to share.
Is this some weird household cultural difference? I grew up all over the US with the exception of the southwest. As far as I can recall no one just ate random treats that aren’t obviously communal food.
If you were my roommate I’d probably keep my personal food in my room, which would be locked if I weren’t in it. Which you would probably know where the spare key was, cause I’d expect to eventually lock myself out. Like a fence with a gate. You can bypass the fence pretty easily, but it’s just a physical reminder of a hard barrier.
fourthfloorgreg: >If it's not obviously communal
In the fridge and not labeled for some specific purpose = obviously communal.
BeatlesTypeBeat: Especially from your partner lol.
| 13 | 853 | |
1669592855 | 1669830126 | t3_z6gp0q | t5_2to41 | 67 | Skarredd: TIFU by taking too much weed
Obligatory: yesterday i fucked up
So i was having a good time with my friends, chatting drinking. After half a bottle of wine, a mojito, some gin, i somehow couldn't catch my last train so i slept at my one of my friend's house. She's super cool and asked if i wanted to smoke a bit, why not, right?
So she pulled out a bong, and i've never smoked from a bong, but it must be like the usual stuff, so i took a clumsy first hit.
It was fine, it didn't really affect my already drunk mind.
So i took a second hit, my lungs are pretty big and i'm used to filling them with sisha, so i filled them with this second hit as well.
I started coughing furiously as espected, but it was also a bit nauseating, so i went into the bathroom and rested my head above the sink.
And then the trip hit me like a flaming bullet train hit a bird that flew onto the wrong tracks. I was on a ride to the deepest levels of hell and i've bought the express no return ticket.
I started having normal dreams, but a lot, and every so often i realized i was trapped in dreams, and had a nano panic attack.
I clearly remember asking myself "This is hell, when will it stop?"
Then my friend came in the room and asked me something, probably about how was i feeling.
And that grounded me in *my reality*. Getting out of an endlessly repeating panic attack felt like pure bliss. All i could muster to her was "It's been 50 years."
Because it felt like hours has passed in the perpetual pit of darkness, and i was still trying to entertain her with a titanic meme.
She replied "it's been 10 minutes"
And my world crumbled for a bit, but not for long, because at this point i had my perception of reality reduced to 2 simple axioms.
1. I exist above a sink, i am touching the sink, and all is right in my world
2. I am hearing my friend's voice, and all is right in my world.
It was a very humbling experience, i also hallucinated hearing my friend talk with someone, and leaving down the stairs when she wasn't in the room. As she later confirmed she never did those things.
Oh yeah, i totally forgot. Talking was extremely difficult.
I humbly existed in my world of 2 things, but she was trying to have a conversation. Imagine if you will, trying to prove that the Earth is round to a flat earther, in a language you don't know, and you can only use a translated vocabulary book. I was probably averaging a whopping 1 word per second in my responses.
My mouth wasn't a part of my world so i had to force it in, and i was forming sentences going by what the previous word was in my sentence. Forming sentences when you don't know what the whole sentence will look like is pretty weird. But i made do.
And then she asked me to look up.
And my world was completely broken.
I can look.
Holy shit, things exist beyond the sink and i can see them.
Joy and terror rushed through me as i realized that nothing will ever be like me and the sink again. It honestly felt like i was enlightened. I knew everything about that world, it was a simple peaceful existence.
But nevertheless, i was in the real world again, after like 30 minutes of sink hugging. Which really did feel like something between hours and years.
The nausea was gone and i was quietly discovering every piece of furniture that i forgot about.
After that she escorted me to her room and we watched silly movies 'till we fell asleep.
So the pros of the experience:
- great company
- potent stuff
- funny movie
- things that exist
- sink
- caretaker isn't just a voice
Cons:
- the deepest pits of hell were a bit too warm
- there are things other than the sink
- i know what acute psychosis means
- my ticket to h-double-hockeysticks were non refundable
Tl:dr
I drank and smoked too much and then i forgot my knowledge of reality for half an hour.
Ooh-Rah: Man, I've been smoking for a long time, and I've never had anything like that happen. I suspect the booze might have acted as a potentiator. Glad you came out okay.
Some_Silver: Oh yeah. Smoking weed once you're already drunk is a nasty combo. I've been unable to move from nausea for hours just from taking a couple hits off a joint in that situation.
lughsezboo: The super spins.
ProudMount: I hate when that happens
| 5 | 13.4 | |
1668111143 | 1668185105 | t3_yrqhdp | t5_2to41 | 815 | Suspicious_Newt9849: TIFU by taking a 10 mg edible
This was actually yesterday at 4pm I took a 10mg edible. I didn't feel the effects when 2 hours passed, so I took another 10mg. Within 30 minutes, the high hit me. I took a nap at 9pm and woke up on the toilet. I remember stumbling my way to the toilet cause I had to pee.
At this point, I am starting to become aware that I am the toilet, but my vision became blurry and I was nauseous. Then I couldn't see anything. I tried to widen my eyes to make sure my eyes were open but it felt like my eyes didn't exist and I had no vision.
I blindly tried to walk back to my room, but my family is in the middle of a move so my parents are sleeping in the living room. What felt like 30 minutes of me stumbling and touching the wall trying to be quiet so my mom doesn't see my high and blind ass had only been 5 minutes. Before getting to my room I had walked to the front door, thankfully my parents didn't wake up.
When I got to my room, my tv was still playing from when I fell asleep earlier. I stared at it and my vision was starting to come back. I felt so relieved, laid in bed, went to grab my phone, but I couldn't find it. I figured I brought it to the bathroom but forgot it on the way back. I was just gonna grab it in the morning. Then I realized I left my room only in undies and a tang top wasn't much of a big deal, but never leave my room without clothes on during the day.
I was starting to fall asleep, then my tummy starting getting upset so I was gonna try to take a shit. I put my clothes on this time. I turned on the hallway light to make sure I can see and walked to the bathroom.
I saw my phone on the bathroom counter. I look at the toilet and there is diarrhea in there. MEANING I TOOK A SHIT, DIDNT WIPE MY ASS, AND LAID IN MY BED. I was concerned about my vision while being high and nauseous that I forgot to flush the toilet and forgot I took a shit. I sat down and continued my shit, I wiped my ass. I closed the lid and flushed the toilet, but something else took me by surprise. There was diarrhea on top of the toilet lid. Then it came back to me, when I first went to go pee it was really a shit. I sat down, didn't realize the lid was down and started to push. Realized the lid was down lifted it up said I'll clean it later. I was either still high as fuck or half asleep before becoming aware of myself first time in the bathroom. Cleaned up the shit on the toilet and my ass. Went to sleep, checked the time before I did and it was 12am. Thinking back I probably didn't turn the lights on in the bathroom.
This wasn't my first time taking anything more than 10mg. I guess diarrhea and being high do not go well for me.
TLDR: Took 2 10mg edibles 2 hours apart. took a nap. diarrhea without remembering in dark thinking i lost my vision. mommy and daddy dont know i do drugs.
batesbeach: Lightweight
SnailsInWigs: Fr. 20mg might get u high but it's definitely not that big of a deal.
Moemoe_9: You kids these days go hard. I'd split a 10mg into quarters and take with a hit or two.
QuaviousLifestyle: i’m out of highschool by over 10 years now and me and the boys were munchin hubby bars like it was candy (wait..)
but nah some people just don’t react much to edibles. Regardless 10mg is a really small amount no?
Swaqqmasta: If you use a lot, sure, it it's a decent spin if you're not used to edibles
2017hayden: I wouldn’t even say that. Before I was even a frequent user I used to down 35 mg edibles and they would get me high yeah but not that high. I use 10 mg edibles to help me get to sleep, they’re enough to get me a bit of a buzz goin but nothing super strong. And before you think I’m regularly getting blasted or something I’m really not. Aside from the 10 mg I don’t use much at all. Maybe once every 2-3 weeks with some friends. Peoples tolerances are different.
Swaqqmasta: That's a whole lot of words to basically say "I can personally handle more"
2017hayden: No it’s a whole lot of words to say “people have varying tolerances and it doesn’t necessarily rely on how much you use or how frequently”. Your inability or unwillingness to see the difference is not my problem.
| 9 | 90.555556 | |
1668099615 | 1668115507 | t3_yrl331 | t5_2to41 | 13 | [deleted]: TIFU by hooking up with my VR girlfriend and breaking my headset
[deleted]
ctruss53: Back up here. I'm going to sound like I am 85 years old, sorry.....
What device are you using, and what game are you playing where you hav a VR girlfriend?
Is this VR Girlfriend a girl playing the same game with the same device you are using?
Is this like the next level of cybersex?
TheScruffyStacheGuy: Was also wondering this... The whole post was confusing me...
"Best kisser he's had" like dude, you were just sticking your tongue in the air while wearing a headset!? You didn't actually kiss anyone. Do you make some kind of wet slurping sound or something? And how could that be better than a real kiss? What vr game is this? Does it actually have nudity? Do you have a vr penis that she could actually pretend to suck or is it all using your imagination?
[deleted]: I mean yeah it’s imagination but isn’t all sexting? Here instead of pictures or words you see their reactions you see them move it feels like they’re with you. I know it’s cringe AF I knew that writing this but it still feels real. I don’t meet people in real life maybe this is where I can? Judge me I mean it’s still a new technology I expected it.
ctruss53: I'm not judging. I actually want to know how you are doing this.
What device? What game or app?
[deleted]: https://youtu.be/RORDbxxJ-sU
VR Chat. Oculus Headset. It’s a thing. Don’t watch the video it’s too long but you can see what it is and how people interact.
| 6 | 2.166667 | |
1668112791 | 1668114132 | t3_yrr77p | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: TIFU by not knowing the difference between buying and selling in the stock market
[deleted]
JimmiRustle: Learning is the most expensive part of stock trading :) Next time you won’t just be googling.
Also I was down around $20k for the year this summer. Would have been more if I hadn’t converted to US stocks early.
Some smart moves later and I’m now “only” down about $6k
TheSneedles: I’ve realized that if a $100 loss in the market is devastating, im far too broke to be trading anything. I’ll just keep paying into my 401k
JimmiRustle: Yeah my minimum fee for a trade in USD is around $20 so it wouldn’t make sense to be making such small deals for me.
| 4 | 1.75 | |
1669595000 | 1669606338 | t3_z6hiyl | t5_2to41 | 12 | Responsible-Ad4081: TIFU by having anal with a furry
[removed]
Upset_Physics7835: Damn son 😬😬
MoistButton8: "Are ya winnin'.... oh"
YouSaidWhaaaa: "No, dad. I'm *LOSING*"
| 4 | 3 | |
1668107592 | 1668119769 | t3_yrosq6 | t5_2to41 | 20 | EmyGog: TIFU by getting a black eye.
For a smidge of context, today I (F/15) woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Literally. At half four in the morning, (Had to get things done as I had work) still half asleep I tripped over my own two feet and smacked my face pretty good on the arm of my desk chair. Besides the pain, I thought absolutely nothing of it until after school. I did get a few funny looks but thats just school right? Apparently I misjudged today. I walked into work and my co-worker looks at me really funny asking if i'm okay, "what happened?" etc.
I hadnt a clue what she was on about, so went into the bathroom, took a look in the mirror and it immediately clicked. Nobody said anything to me all day. Kinda a dark red almost pale purplish ring around my eye and really swollen too, not sure how I didnt notice but hey! Now the embarassment alone would be enough to constitute a tifu story, but here's the real kicker.
I'm getting my ID card and passport photo taken tomorrow, Ill have these pictures for 5 YEARS! I cant reschedule the photos, nor can I take one at home because I'm a minor. Ive tried everything, makeup, Ice for the swelling, you name it, I've tried it. No way that this fucker is gonna go unnoticed. Ive just accepted my face/fate at this point.
Any suggestions would be much appreciated though!
TL;DR
Got a black eye this morning, didnt notice until late evening. Getting passport and ID card photos done tomorrow, Cant reschedule either, Gonna be my new look from now until im 20.
Random_Nugget1: I can bring light to it!
When a close friend of mine was 16 he got gum stuck in his hair the day before his drivers test. He has to get a buzz cut cuz after trying everything (and I mean everything) that gum was STUCK. He wore a cap to the DMV but they told him he had to take it off, and put bluntly, my man looked HORRIBLE without hair. He knew it, the DPS lady knew it, I’m pretty sure even you knew it.
Anyways, he decided to cross his eyes and make a funny face during the picture and the license came out funny af. Fast forward 2 years later he got pulled over by a cop for speeding. Cop asked him for his license and the cop found his license pic so funny that my buddy got off with only a warning.
TLDR: embarrassing gov pics can work out for the best!
yumirow: Ig she could always add a few scars through makeup to complete the look
| 3 | 6.666667 | |
1669595776 | 1669627226 | t3_z6ht9m | t5_2to41 | 54 | Oatssie: TIFU By accidentally paying £100 in in-app purchases
When I was around 4-5 years old, my dad had an IPod touch, a true classic. Anyways on this iPod there was a game called Smurfs village, I loved this game when I was younger, it was one of those city building games where you could own little Smurf houses and set them to work, there was even an in game currency that could be purchased with real money called “Smurfberries”, but obviously being a child I never progressed much in it, and I certainly didn’t understand economics enough to convince my dad to buy me any smurfberries. over the years I sorta forgot it existed, and now that I am 17, I had almost completely forgotten about that games existence, until yesterday. I was scrolling around instagram as I usually do, and I noticed a meme page had posted a screenshot from that game, it was a notification from an in app purchase you could buy titled “WOULD YOU LIKE TO PURCHASE: WAGON OF SMUFRBERRIES FOR £99.99” when I saw that meme I realised that I had totally forgotten about Smurf village’s existence, I was pretty Excited to have a memory revived like that, and I wanted to recreate that screenshot for the lols. So I opened up the App Store and low and behold, Smurf village was still alive and kicking, I was pretty darn excited when I downloaded it, I skipped past all the tutorials and headed straight for the in game currently section. This is where I totally fucked up, I was reading through the descriptions of the amounts of smurfberries and then I saw it, the sacred “Wagon of smurfberries” I clicked on it so I could recieve the purchase screen, I was just trying to recreate a meme, I put my thumb on the home button and my index finger on the power button to take the screenshot, when the fucking iPad registered my thumb into the fingerprint thing and I fucking bought the smurfberries for £100. I was absolutely livid, Big_chungles on Instagram if you’re seeing this your shitty unfunny meme cost me £100 I hope you’re happy with yourselves.
TL;DR Tried to recreate a meme I saw by downloading an app and screenshotting the in app purchase screen and it registered my thumb when trying to screenshot
DarkAthena: If it’s an Apple device you may be able to get a refund. Contact Apple.
Skunktoes: Yes I’ve had to call them because my 3 year old kept buying in-app purchases and they refunded them to me
| 3 | 18 | |
1669595974 | 1669635486 | t3_z6hvwj | t5_2to41 | 6,760 | myir4: TIFU by introducing my best friend to my girlfriend
This happened a few months back but I wasn't really ready to talk/write about it up until now...
A few years back I met this girl "J" online. She was really nice and we started talking up to a point where we would do late-night calls to tell each other about our days. She would go on about how she didn't feel safe with her boyfriend back then or about problems with her father, while I finally had someone to tell about my day. We would give each other advice or just be there to listen. It started off as a great friendship and someday it just got more than that. We started meeting up as often as we could (we lived 250km apart) and eventually got together after she dumped her allegedly abusive boyfriend for me. (I never felt bad for him up until now. She told me all about how he hit her and I actually thought he didn't deserve better than to be left)
Anyways after we got together COVID struck, which in our case was pretty much the best thing that could've happened. My school allowed all students to work from home to reduce the risk of infection. I spent the majority of the following months at her place. We got to spend a ton of time together, I cooked for us, helped her care for her horse and even cleaned the place sometimes. Some people told me to stop doing so much for her but I guess one could argue I was kind of blinded by love.
It went on like that for one and a half years. We started to argue a lot. She was getting really jealous about everything I did and every girl I talked to, while she kept meeting with her male friends. I was never the one to tell her what to do as I fully trusted her but it kind of hurt that she couldn't give that trust back the same way. Right around that time, in the Fall of 2021, her company sent all the apprentices to vocational school for around 4 weeks. I took the train back home as she wouldn't be home Mondays to Fridays anyways and I had to get some work done with my classmates for our final paper.
I tried to keep in touch as well as possible with texts and calls but J seemed to grow more distant each and every day. At first, she stopped replying to my texts right away, then she stopped taking my calls and we only got to talk to each other for a few minutes every other day. What made that situation even worse is that our conversations got pretty one-sided. She only talked about herself and her time at that school anymore. How she had met this great new girl (who tbh with everything she told me about her was pretty much a complete slut) with whom she really got along with. She talked about how they would spend the night in the boys' rooms and how her friends would get drunk together. (She assured me that she'd stay faithful and wouldn't drink) We got into so many fights that I finally lost count. We decided to take a break then and there.
It only took a few weeks for both of us to actually realise how we missed one another. We got talking again and she apologized many times and so did I. As we couldn't see each other again until after Christmas, we decided to spend the time like in the days we met and played a lot online together. At the same time, I also wrote my final paper with two of my closest friends (let's call them "P" and "M"). It was shortly before Christmas when I first introduced P to my girlfriend J. We all shared the same passion for the same games and it was fun in our little group of three.
Christmas came around and I drove down to J to finally meet up with her and make up for good in person. We had a great time for a few days and when I had to drive home for new-years, she asked if she could come with to spend more time with me and to meet my best friend in person as she was apparently curious about the person who she was talking with for the last weeks. I agreed and we got into my car. A few hours later we arrived at my house and spend a nice evening together, taking a late-night drive and watching people start fire-crackers at midnight.
The next day we met up with my best friend to watch a movie. That is where everything went south. What I didn't realise was that she was holding hands with him the whole movie long. When we finally got home that night, she sat down on the bed and told me that she was apparently very sorry but she had held hands with him the whole movie long. She told me she didn't want it. That he just grabbed her hand and wouldn't let go and that as he was my best friend she wouldn't want to piss him off. She told me that it was just holding hands and I wouldn't have anything to worry about.
That day my world shattered. I just didn't know it yet. I didn't want to believe it myself and she was really good at manipulating people so I just believed her when she bombarded me with so many apologies and nearly started to cry (in hindsight: at least she acted that way). I sat down next to her, comforted her and told her that it was alright and I wasn't mad at her. Which I actually wasn't. I wasn't mad. I was devastated.
We already planned a billiard night the next day and I didn't want to cancel on short notice because of that and it happened again. Same thing. I got home and she broke down telling me he grabbed her hand again. I was actually pretty stupid to not do anything about it tbh. I was never one for confrontation and was always a shy person back then.
We met again the day after because we had already bought tickets for the spa. I made some slight hints at my best friend that he should keep his distance because she was my girlfriend and I actually thought we worked it out and it was just a misunderstanding on his part that he didn't know we were back together after our break. We got to talk about some popular sights near J's place and how it would be totally worth it for him to visit them someday. He mistook that as an invitation and told us he'd be happy to accompany us on our drive back to her place if we would take him on a tour and show him around the beautiful landscape.
As he was my best friend and I didn't want to hurt him and I thought he would finally keep his distance from J, I couldn't bring it over me to tell him he couldn't come. So the next day we drove back to her place in the middle of the night. Just us three. We arrived around midnight. I was pretty exhausted that night because of the four-hour drive (I was the driver the whole time and we didn't take a break). Anyways when we arrived J told me she was too tired to search for bed sheets and as her dad wouldn't allow someone to sleep on their couch, we should just sleep in one bed. The three of us. Honestly, I couldn't have argued with her even if I wanted to as I fell asleep right there when I lay down on the bed.
\--v-- NSFW part starts here --v--
I can tell you that no matter what you fear could happen in the darkness, what monsters could attack you, nothing comes close to the horror you feel when you wake up at 3 AM to your girlfriend moaning. I turned around and saw her cuddled close to his chest, rubbing herself on him in her sleep. I thought I was dreaming. I was imagining things. I got sick and ran to the bathroom and had to vomit while having my first-ever mental breakdown. I never knew you could cry without feeling anything but starting from that day I noticed that you can and that it's way worse than when you actually feel the sadness. I was shaken and couldn't get the picture out of my head. I ran to my car, cranked the music to maximum volume and just sat there crying, punching my wheel. For about two hours straight until my best friend knocked at my window asking if everything was alright. I did what everyone in that situation would do and kindly told him to fuck the hell off. When I calmed down I went back in and confronted J. She broke down in tears and told me she was not responsible for what she did in her sleep and that she probably subconsciously thought that it was me and not him. We argued and argued until the morning when we went to the stables to care for her horse. We decided to still take my best friend for the trip to one of the tourist attractions. As this was the first ever day I was feeling that low, I didn't really know how to handle it and just stepped on the gas on the way there. We were doing 150 km/h on country roads and close to 100 km/h in local towns we passed through. All the time I hoped we would crash and all die. For some inexplicable reason, we actually survived the trip even though I did come close to slipping off the road on more than one occasion. I can still remember them both. The fear in their eyes and how they wouldn't dare to say a thing. How they'd cling to the seats and the door.
Before me and my former best friend, P, drove home that night, I got into an argument with J again and set her an ultimatum. To break off contact with P and never talk to him again. That was the first time I did something like this. After a lot of discussions, she finally told me she'd break off contact with him because I was way more important to her than he was. She asked to talk to him one last time in private to tell him that. Well as I later got to know she told him the exact same thing as soon as I left the room. That she would break off contact with me because P was more important to her even though she only knew him for about a week at that time.
Jumping forward in time... I and P both agreed to break off contact with her because she tried to play us that badly. She apparently also assured him the whole time that we weren't a couple anymore and that I would be totally okay with everything that happened between them. Furthermore, she was also the one who did the first step on the whole holding hands thing and the cuddling at night.
I admitted myself to the psych ward because I felt like I couldn't go on like this anymore and because I was devastated. By the time I got out and back to school, I realised that P was still chatting with J and that they were meeting in secret behind my back.
I broke down completely. I started cutting and tried to kill myself more than five times in the following three months. I got admitted into psych six more times, one of them being because of a sleep medication overdose and several times because of suicide threats in front of teachers, family, cops and 112 operators. The last time I got admitted was because I tried to jump off a building (an EMT managed to grab me and save my life that day). My best friend stood by and watched. The worse I got the more he kept his distance until he finally broke off contact completely.
Don't trust the people you think you trust the most because they'll hurt you the most.
\~ I am 20M, currently in therapy and starting to do better. Step by step.
My former best friend P started dating J back then and they're still happily together and both broke off contact with me
​
TL;DR TIFU by introducing my best friend to my girlfriend only to find them cheating on me a week later. They then broke off contact with me completely and are now happily together
GladiatorMax: some people
shakesula9: What a ride that was.
OP believe me, both of them are complete fucking losers. You probably already know this but that bitch cannot be trusted and your ex homie is a straight bitch. I’m shocked he never stopped to ask if you were cool with it but he was probably the first time he’s been touched by a girl.
Focus on your mental health and building yourself a good life.Hopefully one day you’ll look back and be glad things didn’t work out since neither of them and be trusted. Lastly don’t think for a second that shit will workout between them if you feel any better hearing that.
keidian_: OP is also a loser. If you just accept all the BS like that you're simping. Every sane person would've went for a confrontation much earlier and realize they're both batshit crazy. If you gettin played you letting yourself be played. It's that simple. Always choose yourself over others first.
blackvalley21: I think your intention is in the right place but with the context of the story your grand generalizations are causing the downvotes. Calling him crazy and implying he’s insane is not correct. He’s clearly an inexperienced young man that was dealing with an expert narcissist and manipulator, likely with her own issues she takes out on other people. My first girlfriend in high school was very much like this; too many stories to count. Many of us can look back and kick ourselves for the times we allowed ourselves to be used and/or abused. Hopefully OP is getting the help he needs because the suicide attempts and self harm over a breakup point to bigger issues.
Corvus_Manufaktura: >the suicide attempts and self harm over a breakup point to bigger issues
Not to mention the driving thing, which is utterly insane.
*"All the time I hoped we would crash and all die. For some inexplicable reason, we actually survived the trip even though I did come close to slipping off the road on more than one occasion. I can still remember them both. The fear in their eyes and how they wouldn't dare to say a thing. How they'd cling to the seats and the door. "*
This is just so so so messed up, especially how very few people seem to take issue with it in the comments. He explicitly says he was hoping they'd **all** die; he was ready to kill two people over an affair. "Bigger issues" seems like an understatement the size of Montana (which, from what I know of US geography, isn't small)
MCWatch31: Well killing them both probably wouldn't have been that bad but he was also endangering other people on the road.
Corvus_Manufaktura: I'm sorry, KILLING two people over infidelity? What kind of medieval shit is that?
| 8 | 845 | |
1669593749 | 1669677057 | t3_z6h1n2 | t5_2to41 | 13 | TheRealVokr: TIFU by trying to help a blind person
This happened a few years ago when I was studying uni in a different city, where I lived at the local dorms.
I was heading back to the dorms after school ended and approached the main entrance. It had a set of two glass doors behind each other with a small hallway in between them. As I grabbed the handle of the outer door, I looked through it to the other side and saw a blind guy opening the inner door.
Now here's the thing. I would generally say I try to be helpful to anyone around me. This means that my immediate thought was to open the outer door and hold it open for the guy to pass - as I would do for any person coming out first. So this is exactly what I did. I held the door open with a smile and waited.
What my dumbass didn't realise was that he obviously couldn't see me holding the door open and I didn't say anything to him to prepare him for this fact. I noticed my mistake only after he nearly fell through the opening, as he was reaching for the handle which was normally supposed to be there.
I finished it off with announcing "the door is open" which he definitely knew at this point, so he just replied with a very confused "thank you" and went on his way. After that, I went to my room to contemplate my intelligence.
TL;DR: I opened a door for a blind guy but forgot to say anything to him, which almost made him fall over.
tamboril: I've actually often wondered what's polite when I'm close to a blind person on the sidewalk. Is it welcome information to give them some unsolicited orientation help? Like "you're on the NE corner of State and Main, facing West".
Blindman2k17: As a blind person myself, we probably already know the street layout and we’re at. Although if someone is new to the area, they may be unsure. If someone looks confused or not 100% sure what they’re doing it’s always polite to ask rather than just assume they’re lost. The thing you do not want to ever do is just move the blind person where you think they should want to go. This happens more than you would think lol!
tamboril: Makes sense. And eww! People will just grab you? That's awful.
| 4 | 3.25 | |
1668035589 | 1668116299 | t3_yqyneb | t5_2to41 | 14 | HirosProtagonist: TIFU by cleaning my car in the elementary school pickup line.
So this just happened, and I honestly have no idea what to do, except to post my misfortune on reddit.
I normally get to my kids' elementary school to pick her up an hour or so early. If you think I'm crazy, the line when I leave is about 3 blocks long. I'd rather show up early, get some work done, play on my switch, and relax in my car.
Today, I decided to be a little more proactive than usual and clean my car while waiting. Particularly, my steering wheel needed attention. It had that stuff on it that's a mixture of the plastic wearing off and dirt from hands, and honestly, it looked gross.
So I get the Armorall wipes and go to town on this steering wheel. It is no easy task to take this stuff off, so I am really working the steering wheel with these wipes. When school starts to get out and the teachers come out to let kids into the cars, I am now fully into my task. I have completed the top part of the wheel and working on the bottom.
I'm sweating, grunting, and my head is down in full focus. I think you can imagine what motions I am making, and I'm sure the car was rocking back and forth as well. I lock eyes with a teacher and see that she is mildly horrified. As it downs on me what this looks like, I try to justify my actions by holding up one of the wipes... which just looks like I cleaned up with a kleenex.
Thank God I know the teacher and it was easily explained but hot damn if I am not extremely embarrassed.
TL;DR I was cleaning my steering wheel infront of an elementary school and it looked like I was jacking off. Even showed a teacher a used kleenex.
Tech-Mechanic: This sounds like something you saw in a sitcom...
Shibby523: I tell you Jerry, she thought I was cranking the meat. I can never go back into that school line. Can't go back I tell you, ruined. I'm done for.
lemmiewinxs: What's the deal with jerking off in your car? (Sitcom music plays)
| 4 | 3.5 | |
1668078803 | 1668141526 | t3_yrbst3 | t5_2to41 | 77 | Then_Drag_8258: TIFU by buying my wife a sex toy
So a while back the topic came up and my wife mentioned a popular wand type sex toy she would like to try and being the good husband I am, I waited until there was a nice sale on and bought it for her as a gift. No fuck ups yet, if anything I’m earning some serious husband points.
Well pride comes before a fall.
I upgraded my phone recently (switching from android back to apple after over a decade) and this is where the fuck up was caused. My Apple Pay decided it was going to have a funny five minutes when it came to payment to I used GooglePay, or some form of google auto fill on chrome, and this decided it was going to use my oldest known details for postage. So, I currently have a mains powered sex toy due for arrival at my Mum’s address in the next 2-3 working days.
The sender has already dispatched the item so it can’t be amended and the carrier won’t let me amend as it’s “in transit”.
TLDR: I ordered a mains powered sex toy for delivery at my Mothers address instead of mine
F0000r: My mom once knitted my brother and I 'cock warmers' for Christmas. She had found the pattern online and low and behold it was too small.
I was so happy that I had finally surpassed her expectations of me in some way.
RoodNewb: This is so much better than the OPs story. God bless you.
LGBFJB_2024: > God *blessed* you
FTFY
| 4 | 19.25 | |
1668065308 | 1668128697 | t3_yr8br2 | t5_2to41 | 19 | StringyGuitarGuy: TIFU by trying to live through today.
I woke up today expecting a decent day. where as I went to work (I worked in the traffic signaling industry) about two minutes into the drive, there were a couple of people that ran a stale red light. If I had gone, I probably would've died on impact from how fast they were going. Then, as I passed the thirty or so minute mark into my drive to work, i almost hit a deer on the interstate, I didn't expect it since the large walls are set down the area. After I got to work, there was a problem with the bucket truck, so I had to see if I could fix it, which is where I started seeing a pattern of near deaths today.
The jib is an attachment to the bucket to help assist the person using the machine in many ways. The hook from the jib snapped as I was messing with the hitch and landed next to me from almost 9 feet high in the air. My team and I decided the trailer for the loops needed to be cleaned, so we backed up the trailer to the dumpster and then proceeded to clean it off. In this process, I had to move the saw, which is a large saw used for cutting into pavement down to a certain amount with a larger than normal circular blade. This, of course, weighs a lot, way too much for one person to lift on their own. So I started the saw to just drive it off. I then found that my handle to the saw has broken and that the back of the saw has come partially down the ramp. As all of this happens, the lift for the front wheels malfunction, and the saw pins my leg as it falls back. This is a problem because my team is not as near me as I thought they were, and I had to hold up the saw to keep the blade from falling back onto me. In that position, I wasn't able to hit an emergency stop, so the blade was spinning very fast. My team heard me yell for them and came running to help fortunately but that has sort of scarred me when bringing the machine down off the ramp and now I'd rather not mess with it without someone being there. We make our way out to the job finally to do some minimal work so we can come back during the night to cut the loop in another area. As we pulled into the spot for the job, I checked to make sure nobody was coming before opening my door (because of safety). As I go to open the door, a truck runs past us across the road and then speeds off! I didn't see them as I looked back. There was a hill right before you got to us, but I didn't think it was that busy, so I took my time with everything. We finished the job then headed back to the yard to go home for some rest so we could come back at 8pm to go work some more which I don't mind too much as long as I get a nap or some food. On my way home a transfer trailer moved into the lane next to me so I made sure they could see me since I drive a smaller mustang which I made a habit of due to being in apparently everyone's blind spot when I started driving. So anyways I moved up so they could see me but as I did the truck started to move to my lane where I was boxed in, I blew the horn to try to save myself and the truck missed me by about a few inches off my passenger side door. I make it home to take my nap and make some sandwiches only to find out I had been eating spoiled products, then my bread molded over.
I wake up from my nap to go back into work. Then, as I'm driving a driver cut around me at a stop sign in the oncoming lane while I was waiting for an opening to go but made it in time so they're alright. As we get to the jobsite, we close off the part of the road to cut the pavement up, but as I'm putting the cones out, a car throws a milkshake out on me while driving away. We go to use the air hose, and as I press the activation lever, the hose bursts next to me from the compressor base. Still drenched in milkshake, we fix everything and head back to the yard to drop off supplies and head home. When I'm headed back is the biggest scare I've had today. It was around 1:10am. when I was on the interstate, and the speed limit was 70 mph. I get to a point where I'm just driving while not really thinking as much (my commute is about an hour and 10 minutes). I start to see a pair of headlights headed around the curve. Not thinking about how near they were, I moved to the lane to the right, but as I moved, a car that had been speeding past me on my side of the interstate! I'll be honest when I say I almost had whatever kind of attack a scare like that can give you.
I got about a minute up the road or so before I saw about six to eight police cars booking it up the road the same direction as the car that barely missed a head-on collision with me. But I get home somehow just to have the key break in the handle when turning the lock, so I had to come in through my window of my bedroom that apparently I forgot to lock. Thank you for reading, and I'm just as surprised I'm still alive at all today.
Tldr: Just tried to live a normal day but almost died or about got hurt in multiple ways just by doing so also got covered in a milkshake a jerk threw at us.
I apologize if my typing is a bit off I'm using my mobile to post this and looking back it freaks me out how close I was to final destinationing myself I was in any point of today I'm glad I'm home and get to see my dogs.
SnakeInHisBoot: Hope you’re doing better than earlier.
StringyGuitarGuy: Yeah I'm not sure what kinda flag I triggered but im sure there's a reason I survived it or something like that. Let's just pretend I said something profound lol.
SnakeInHisBoot: Lol let’s not acknowledge this post at all ajust what you felt as you were expressing yourself. Idk where you’re from but are Nature activities a thing there? Parks trails beach lake?
StringyGuitarGuy: Well I work a lot of hours a day from 12-15 hours a day so I don't get to go much but I think there's some hiking trails within an hour drive.
SnakeInHisBoot: Hey brother me too I work 11-12 everyday and I’m weekends it gets pushed to 3. If leaving the house ain’t an option rn try new things from the house. I was diagnosed with depression at 14 I’m 28 now I’ve had my share of dull sunrises. It took me a long time to realize the correlation between the overthinking and the boredom. That’s not to say you don’t have some underlying issues that you should acknowledge and try to understand though. Until you’re ready to do that just Keep your head up brother. I’ve seen the other side. And was fortunate enough to survive, I’m here to tell you There’s nothing there except a volatile mix of regret, embarrassment l, and oddly enough, disappointment.
I know this is going to sound cliche as fuck but you have to try reign in those horse and keep them tamed. I know some folks take meds I used too. But I came to find out that that part of the brain is like a muscle at first you won’t be able to get much together, but as time progresses youll find that youll able to handle more and when you do finally notice that YOURE progressing as well and it will have a positive impact on you and your self esteem. Good luck 🍀
StringyGuitarGuy: I appreciate that honestly although I'm not as active on things as I was it's good to know I'm not alone in that. Hell I'm in college going for what I want to now too so I do have the thoughts I did but yesterday was seriously just a flagged day or something none of that was by my hand lol. I just have a very rough sense of humor because of my experiences. But I've even been doing stuff like going out to eat more to get myself to have my appetite and to push myself back into social norms again. But really I've been in a pretty bad headspace and maybe that's why I saw it as a super negative thing when things happened.
SnakeInHisBoot: That’s what I was looking for, your ability to take self inventory and possibly reflect on your current situations and how they might be affecting you. You’re going to be fine. EVERYONE has bad days. And one last thing, try not to worry about exactly feather caused the scale to tip over but rather try and figure out why the scale wasn’t balanced in the first place.
StringyGuitarGuy: True, sorry for the late reply I just got home. Anyways I believe as long as someone keeps repeating things will get better in either their head or verbally it actually does help. Mainly in times like this when it feels like things feel very much against you ya know? But thanks I kinda needed that today some stuff came up where it made things a bit harder to deal with so it was nice to hear a outside opinion on things.
| 9 | 2.111111 | |
1668116406 | 1668120614 | t3_yrslpv | t5_2to41 | 21 | spl45hX: TiFU by going to the cinema after my girlfriends sister died
To give some context, my girlfriend(26) has an older sister(48), who was diagnosed with cancer 2 years ago. My girlfriend is in a exchange student program and stayed abroad. I was recently visiting her and a few days ago her mother told her, that the illness of her sister was worsen fast and is terminal. She was flying home the next day and we decided I stay behind in case she does not come back, to pack her stuff, handle finding a new tenant etc. Also because the family of her sister wanted time for themself
I knew her sister from a few times and I liked her because she really is a good person. So I am not really close to them, but also know them. Of course I can understand not to come and visit her while her close family spend the last days with her.
Beeing more or less alone in a foreign country without a support network is of course not easy. Luckily some of her friends I got to know while visiting asked me to go out with them during the last days, but honestly I was not feeling good about it and declined.
Meanwhile I was talking to my girlfriend every day, but I am really bad at comforting her from the far and I think she also did not want to talk a lot about all.
This really was straining my mental health and I basically was not leaving the apartment in the last days.
I also did not tell my family because my mum is really sensitive to that and also got to know that recently one of her old friends died a while back.
Also I did not reach out to friends back home, because I am not liking to show my emotions and definitely not if not in person.
So today my girlfriend called me to tell me that her sister died this morning. We did not talk a lot, because she was also with family and had other things to think about. She also went to the hospital to see her sister a last time before the funeral.
Shortly before her sister died one of our mutual friends (also exchange student) asked me if I want to join them and some friends of them in the cinema this evening, I agreed, even though I was not interested in the movie but needed to see people and get out of the flat.
After I heared about the death, I was obviously sad about it and also not beeing able to comfort my girlfriend from the far made it worse.
So I decided I can't just stay inside the apartment another day and went to the cinema anyway, I did not tell my girlfriend about it, but left my cellphone on alert, so if she calls me I can awnser and talk to her.
Shortly after the movie started she was calling me about some random question (not about her sister but paperwork) and we talked after I went outside. However she heared some noise and asked where I was and I told her.
She was really hurt after hearing that and even though I tried to explain why I did it, she refused to talk with me and ended the call. I went home after that and tried to talk to her without much success. She thinks it was completely disrespectful and thinks I have no feelings for her situation or her sister.
I know I totally screwed it up and basically it all is my fault. I had have to handled it completly diffrently, maybe ask the friends to do something else instead or at least talk to my girlfriend about it first, but I did not so I fcked it up big time and don't know if she can or will forgive me. She basically told me that she might want to break up which I can understand even though I thought it was ok before and just wanted to distract myself/feel better about my mental health.
If anybody has an idea what I can or should do and why I am so stupid feel free to let me know.
TLDR:
I am currently in a foreign country visiting my girlfriend in an exchange program
She flew back home a few days ago, because her sister had cancer
Her sister died today
After not leaving the house the last days, I went out with some mutual friends to the cinema, to deal with all and get some distraction
yumirow: You were keeping your head busy on a tense moment while not able to do anything else ? She's probably gonna make your life hard dude
spl45hX: I guess she is grieving. I also was able to talk to her and understand that it is in her cultural heritage that you don't listen to music, watch a movie or similar. And I see it to an extend similar, but it is also diffrent how people react and yes maybe in some cultures you even celebrate with lots of music, but I can see why she is hurt
yumirow: Alr alr, maybe it's just a misunderstanding then
spl45hX: I hope so, but I am not sure if she can see it that way
yumirow: Mhm, give her time, while letting her know you're still there to support her ofc.
spl45hX: Yes I did
| 7 | 3 | |
1668118162 | 1668122255 | t3_yrtap7 | t5_2to41 | 21 | Rdossantos: Tifu by taking drugs.
I (20M) was unable to get to work today due to the train strikes happening in London, so with my day off I thought I would experiment with the new psychedelic mushrooms I bought. They weren’t the normal typical mushrooms. I would compare them to the truffles that you buy in Amsterdam but they are unregulated; so they are unsafe.
After an hour I start to notice the signs of the come up, with each minute the trip starts to intensify and I start to begin to hallucinate. During my come up, negative thoughts start to trickle in one by one and I started to feel nauseous. I knew that it was all a mental game so I thought I’d try to put a movie on and relax but then I started to get real fidgety and my hands and feet started to shake and my jaw began to gurn. I think that the shrooms were laced with speed because shrooms aren’t supposed to make you shake.
After about 30 minutes of the negative thoughts trickling in, I started to panick. What felt like hours were minutes. I couldn’t sit still and my body started to move without me controlling it. At this point, I was unable to use my phone because of the hallucinations and all I wanted to do was use call a family member. The nausea intensified and I spent the next three minutes projectile vomiting into the toilet. After I was done vomiting I begun to shake and even though I was fully clothed with a hoodie on I felt soo cold and helpless.
After looking for my phone for a while I found it and managed to ask Siri to call my mum. She was babysitting for my sister (who was at work.) I begged her to come home and help me, my sister had to go back home from work and now they’re calling her unreliable. She’s not at risk of loosing her job but with the cost of living going up she needs as much money as possible. She’s said that she’ll never talk to me again for this (she’s very stubborn so I know she’ll keep to her word) and she wants to be reimbursed for the money she lost today.
Meanwhile, I feel utterly drained, I feel nauseous and light headed and I’ve spent 3 hours looking up at the ceiling, thinking about the way my body was being controlled and contorted. During my trip, the only person I could think about was my ex-girlfriend, before her I was going down a rabbit hole with different substances, but with her attention, drugs seemed pointless and I hadn’t thought of them. After her they seem to have an allure like before I had found her. I ended up messaging her and she spoke to me and now I think she wants nothing to do with me, understandably.
I am now considering therapy and have an appointment with my local Gp (doctor) who I am hoping can refer me to a local rehab clinic.
Apologies for the bad grammar, my brain is fried right now and putting together sentences is proving to be difficult.
Tldr: took drugs alone, begun to panick, threw up dinner from two nights ago uncontrollably and seriously thought I was going to die. Now looking into therapy and rehab.
SnakeInHisBoot: Hey brother let’s just take a deep breathe real quick. As uncomfortable as it may have been I’m hear to tell you THAT was the high. Why you tried fighting it? I’m not sure, but you put yourself against the high and inadvertently began to TRIP over your TRIP. It’s not good. Everything in your body is already working expunging the drug out of your system and as you know it’s gonna be about 8hrs so you just enjoy the ride because there’s no other option. But Yoooouuuu kinda did the exact opposite. Instead of rising the way and forgetting it was a part of a bigger ocean you kept wondering “WHERE THE FUCK DID ALL THIS WATER COME FROM AND WHY WONT IT STOP I TOLD IT TO STOP” you added panic to your already overloaded emotional state,
your mind starts to feel like there’s too much going on sat that point
Rdossantos: The feeling was immense, I’ve never felt like that before. In my panic I was considering every option to end the trip but I ended up sat on my bed in a pool of vomit and shaking. To be honest it feels like a big dream, I’m not even entirely sure what happened, when the trip was at its peak I blacked out and that was when I woke up near the toilet. Everything in between the peak and the toilet I can’t remember.
SnakeInHisBoot: Lol been there bro trust. Just rest man, you’re body was in overdrive for a long time your mind too. You don’t need therapy or rehab, you. Need 2 bottle waters and a matress ,
call me in the morning
Rdossantos: I’m not sure, even though I just experienced this I want to do them again. I think it’s for the best I get some help before I start hurting myself and the people around me.
SnakeInHisBoot: Hey by all means brother do what you feel comfortable with. I’m far from A doctor, just don’t be afraid to reach out if you find yourself looking through that rabbit hole again though.
| 6 | 3.5 | |
1668076291 | 1668232879 | t3_yrb3xt | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: TIFU by getting a MacBook that can’t be turned off.
[deleted]
Jameschoral: TIFU by spilling a container of water onto a very expensive computer that I don’t know how to operate.
FTFY
parvani-rose: Exactly.
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1669599943 | 1669610898 | t3_z6jcze | t5_2to41 | 31 | Intelligent_Orange: TIFU by rejecting a job offer
This didn't happen today, but today is when I realized that I actually fucked up.
For a little background information, this is my first time getting a paid job anywhere. Previously any jobs have been volunteer work.
Last Thursday, I finally scored a job interview at \[Restaurant 1\]. Great!
So on Friday, I went to the mall for the interview at \[Restaurant 1\]. However, it was at 12:00 and I was at the mall early for other reasons. So, I decided to visit \[Restaurant 2\], where I also gave my CV to the manager. He was quite enthusiastic because they are desperate for workers, so after showing me the kitchen, he says I'm hired after all the paperwork is completed. Then, I go for the interview at \[Restaurant 1\], which goes well, and after also being shown the kitchen of \[Restaurant 1\], the owner hires me on the spot. I now had a dilemma on my hands, but I decided that \[Restaurant 1\] is probably better because the working hours are more flexible and the kitchen looked more tidy.
Then on the way home, the manager of \[Restaurant 2\] calls me to confirm, and I panic, because I don't know what to say. After a long pause, I say something about already getting a job somewhere else.
In hindsight, I should've just confirmed, as the contracts are casual, so I can choose when I want to work. Even if I accepted both jobs, I could still work for both without issue.
Today, I got the duty roster for \[Restaurant 1\], and I'm not rostered for the rest of this week. The manager of \[Restaurant 2\] said that I could start work on Monday, so now I realize that I should've just accepted both jobs and start work sooner.
Hopefully I can still fix this.
TL:DR
I didn’t know how to tell a potential boss that I wasn't sure which job to accept, and said that I wouldn't be accepting the job offer. Now, I'm not rostered in the job that I did accept for an indefinite amount of time.
SaxyOmega90125: First, you can call the other restaurant and ask if the position is still open. They might say no, but there is no harm in asking.
Second, they're both restaurant jobs - they both suck.
Intelligent_Orange: Yeah, I guess I should.
​
True, but they are the only employers who have shown any interest.
SaxyOmega90125: Yeah, been there done that, I get it. All I meant is, don't sweat it. It's not like you blew an offer for a job you're passionate about and would want to do for 30+ years. There wil be plenty of openings in food service to make a bit of money on for a while.
| 4 | 7.75 | |
1668119537 | 1668506079 | t3_yrtult | t5_2to41 | 91 | chiefcomplaint_: Tifu by ignoring my tattoo that wasn't healing
Let me start off by saying that I have dozens of tattoos. I have a half sleeve on one arm and various random tattoos all over. All of them are patchwork style, including my newest addition to my cryptid leg sleeve. I am also an experienced nurse.
I got a rather large tattoo of a Snallygaster (bird-dragon with tentacles coming from its mouth) wrapping around my calf to my shin. I have always wet-healed my tattoos, which consists of immediately slapping a second skin bandage (saniderm) on it, and keeping it covered for a week, changing the bandage once or twice a day. Usually the first 3 days or so, the tattoo will leak plasma and ink and stay fairly moist. By day 4 it's pretty dry and the bandage can come off by day 6ish.
So here I was, day 8, and the tattoo was still leaking so much plasma that my sock and shoe were constantly wet, and the bottom of the bandage wouldn't stick. It's common courtesy to check in with your tattoo artist when you have healing questions, because they can sometimes give you better advice than doctors. I got off work at 7am and messaged the artist, who told me to stop by when the shop opened at noon. I took the bandage off and washed the tattoo and that's when I realized that my skin was starting to peel and slough off. The actual tattoo was a wet mushy mess, and the skin around it was purple. My calf and ankle had swollen up to a comedically large size. I was having some pain when walking, but I had a healthy dose of denial going and chalked it up to delayed muscle soreness since it was on my calf.
After cleaning it and seeing just how awful it had become, I panicked and went to urgent care. The doc took one look and sent me to the emergency room for iv antibiotics. I had left the bandage off so the doc could see and my leg was literally dripping wet. I made it to the er and the doc was throwing around terms like necrotizing fasciitis. Bloodwork, an iv, and several hours of me insisting the artist used clean technique later, the doc came to the conclusion that I was having an allergic reaction to the saniderm.
Was sent home with topical steroids, antibiotics just in case, and an official adhesive allergy. 3 days later and it's all dried up, scabbed up, less swollen, but so tight that I can't walk on it.
Tldr: suddenly developed an allergy to the bandage I wrap my tattoos in and almost lost my leg because I was in denial (only kind of exaggerating)
chonk_fox89: How did your tattoo end up fairing?
chiefcomplaint_: This just happened this week so it's not healed yet. It looks okay so far, but it's all scabbed up.
SCP-363: Will you get another tattoo?
chiefcomplaint_: Not for a bit. This has been terrible.
SCP-363: Are you looking forward to when you get old and have to spend a lot of money to remove it because it doesn't age well lol
chiefcomplaint_: Not gonna remove them. I'm okay looking like shit if that's what happens. I look good now, that's all that matters.
| 7 | 13 | |
1668117409 | 1668171384 | t3_yrszsh | t5_2to41 | 77 | Jadarken: TIFU by watching too much Walking dead when my wife is sick
I usually lose interest on shows pretty quickly so when I watch something I want to watch as many of the seasons as fast as possible. Somehow multiple season are not for me so I admit that I skip some parts I have seen earlier.
Anyway, I started watching The Walking Dead and running through the first season I skipped some parts. That lead me in few jump scares when the tension of the situation hadn't build up yet and after 10 second skip there were walkers all over the place with their raspy and breathy voice crasping for some human flesh. There is some tension in those situations that you know you are soon to be surprised.
Normally I don't take too much emotions from the tv shows but rough week at the job and being sick just recently made me a little bit more tense than usual. My wife have been having a bad cough after being sick so she was already early on the bed when I was watching The Walking Dead skipped-10-seconds-oh-I-missed-something style.
So here is where the fuck-up comes. I go to my bed next to my wife and try to sleep. After something like three minutes I hear this awful raspy voice grasping for air just next to me. My body is on full combat-mode and in a split second after that voice I feel a hand reaching for me.
Ding ding. On the red corner, weighing in at 135 lbs theee WIFEE ZOMBIEEE...
And in the blue corner, weighing in at at 183 lbs and minus 8 ounces after that "fart" the fearless Combat-mode Daryl the Zombieslayer.
So actually I just slapped her on the hand and yeeted or kind of fell of the bed and stepped on our dogs' fur. I admit that some of the neighbours might have heard some screaming but with her voice being so raspy, I doubt it. The chaos was pretty big and my wife freaked out because she was half asleep and thought that I had some kind of seizure. Luckily we both calmed down after a while.
But now all is well and she is sleeping next to me.
Tl;dr: Watched a lot of Walking Dead. Got scared by my wife's raspy voice.
Cohibaluxe: Skipping 10 seconds at a time in a tension-based drama series is serial killer behavior.
Jadarken: I agree. So you won't be surprised if I tell you that I don't mind if my socks get wet?
Cohibaluxe: My god, you’re clinically insane.
Jadarken: We can continue this all day.
Jar Jar Binks was actually pretty good comic relief in Star Wars.
VirtualDeliverance: And Chris Chan did nothing wrong.
Jadarken: I don't about that subject so well but it looks to be disturbing.
| 7 | 11 | |
1669602060 | 1669690931 | t3_z6k42e | t5_2to41 | 123 | katecolbras: TIFU by telling my therapist’s partner that he had gorgeous eyes
So I was walking to Starbucks and a dog came around a corner and before I saw the owner I was like “can I pet your dog?” And then I realized it was my therapist! We caught up and I gave her dog lots of pets, and then her partner walked out of Starbucks. I had heard a lot about him so I was excited to meet him.
My therapist introduced me to him and I was like “hey it’s nice to meet you! Dude, you have gorgeous eyes.” And then asked him about a hobby we shared. But they both looked super uncomfortable. To be clear, I am a lesbian and was in no way interested romantically in this guy. I just like complimenting people man 😭😭. And I know men don’t get nearly as many compliments as they should. But anyway, now I feel super bad that I made this guy so uncomfortable, and I’m scared that my therapist is going to bring it up at our next session. Why am I like this.
TL;DR: I complimented my therapist’s partner and he got super uncomfy and I hate myself.
murtygurty2661: I'm willing to bet that given your immediate and lasting anxiety over this means that it's not an issue but is probably something that would be worth exploring in your therapy ironically enough.
"Here's something mundane that happened and has driven me up the wall"
You know it's insane, I assume your therapist knows you're a lesbian so why would it cause this much distress?
aussie_nub: I like the idea of not telling her straight up it's a story about their interaction and see if she works it out.
Maybe it's because I don't have a therapist and never been to one... but I'd think meeting a professional of that type outside of your professional business seems weird. Like seeing a GP, dentist or escort on the street.
| 3 | 41 | |
1668128135 | 1668288825 | t3_yrwzil | t5_2to41 | 18 | tradone: TIFU by being so efficient to my GF
So my beautiful GF, who has been living together with me for the past 2 years in my house together, is MIA.
I have a high-stress professional job requiring 12hrs+ of work Mon-Fri. My GF was recently hired and it's practically her first real job where she was having a lot of difficulty adjusting because she got caught up in co-worker drama. We have quite an age gap ( I'm in my late 30's while she's in her early 20's ) . Although we do live together, our work schedules are different in that I work from 4PM-2AM while she works from 9AM-6PM. The only social contact that we have during the weekdays is when I wake her up at 5-6AM so that she could go to work. This is the time we do most of the talking together. Due to these conditions, I did listen to her problems about work but wasn't able to fully give her any real emotional support that she desperately needed. Rather I gave her some realistic advice on how she can go about overcoming her difficulties at work. I should've just LISTENED to her and SIDED WITH HER OPINION than give her what I felt was the right answer to what I felt was success. I did tell her she could quit her job and that I can support her, but I think she was feeling very guilty about being supported by me all the time. I knew I had 2 options, to side with her, or to make her stronger. I decided to go with the latter.
She was stressed for a variety of reasons as she couldn't get her life together in terms of her friendship, family, or her financials. I was supporting her financially while she was searching for work. I think she thought she let everyone around her down by not being able to overcome this petty co-worker drama at work and decided to just give up on everything and decided to run off somewhere. ( She's not answering my calls ) I think this is where her guilt trip probably made her feel trapped socially. She couldn't tell me that she wasn't just strong enough. I know she tried, but she just couldn't overcome this co-worker drama. She couldn't tell her dad ( I talked to him ) because he's also be disappointed that she couldn't overcome trivial matters at work.
She left all of her belongings in my home and from the clues of missing items , she seems to have worn her best shoes, bag, and dress and just gone out. She left her Apple watch and from the messages and the looks of it ( I really shouldn't have gone through her stuff but I did ), she installed some shady dating apps and also Tinder on her phone like today. Putting 1 and 1 together, I think it is safe to say that she went out to rely on some other guy for emotional support for the night.
I searched for her at her home, met her father, and he said that she never came by. He even gave me the password to his home so that I can search for her. I called her work that she quit. All in all, I couldn't find her.
Well, the clues are pretty self-explanatory that she went out for the night to see another guy b/c suddenly she installed Tinder. I changed the home password so that she can't come in and plan to finish the relationship with her as soon as I get contact.
TLDR; I lost a beautiful 10/10 GF by not giving emotional support.
Edit: wow, being honest and factual can get yourself a lot of downvotes. I’m being very factual and candid without a bit of biased speech whatsoever or manipulation. Getting upvotes maybe couldve been easier
Edit: I shouldve said I tried to "right" than "kind" than efficient.
Edit2: She admitted to having cheated on me, and now that she is abandoned and used by another man she came back. So, am I still wrong for thinking this way? I’m still in pain and compassionate for what she had to go through, but that doesn’t make her right to me. Maybe she needed that time out for the night, but that is in no way acceptable. Yea, i may have left out some truth, but the truth of the fact is that I left out a lot of her mistakes ilike this n the past. Thanks for taking a deep shit on me and I hope that your wife and children cheat on you and leave you so that I could say it’s your fault.
Pain4444: ok going to need a mandatory update as you get more information
tradone: She came back home all depressed and sad. She couldn't look me in the eye. I'm at work while she's packing her stuff. I think she's gonna be at home when I get back home.
Pain4444: o ouch, don't be shy to update more
tradone: She admitted to cheating on me. After cheating on me, she now wants confirmation that I love her again.
Pain4444: O ouch , hopefully you are able to recover and find someone new
| 6 | 3 | |
1669604699 | 1669661148 | t3_z6l0ik | t5_2to41 | 75 | orio-s: TIFU by hanging out with my ex.
So recently some things happened between my ex and I and we ended things. He was talking to another girl and I just didn’t like that. We decided to stay as friends and all has been fine.
A little over a week ago he started seeing another girl. This person was someone he dated in the past and they got back together. Though it does hurt as we have been apart for less than a month as long as he is happy I am happy.
Here is where I FU. I wasn’t very aware of them being together. I knew they had a thing for eachother but it was kind of unclear where there relationship stands. His mom invited me over for a “Friendsgiving” (I was unaware of what this was until I got invited) and I thought it would be fun. His mom and I are not too close but it is clear she wants us back together. She says I have been amazing for him and that the girl he is talking to was horrible in the past. I honestly brushed it off and didn’t comment much to stay away from problems.
While at the friendsgiving, the whole entire time she was making comments to everyone about him and I. Once again we are only friends. I do still have feelings but if he is into someone else I don’t want a relationship. The whole time I was put into uncomfy situations with his mother and all of her friends making comments. I was under the impression there would be people I knew there as well but it was just his moms friends. We were constantly having comments made and now I feel weird being around his family as I feel this will continue happening. I honestly should had just stayed home as he is talking to someone else and we are no longer together. I just didn’t see a problem cuz we are now no more than friends.
I feel bad for not only him but also his new girlfriend. I just want him to be happy and I feel like me agreeing to go was not the right thing to do.
TL;DR I decided to go to a thanksgiving event with my ex not clearly knowing what his relationship status was and putting us both into uncomfy positions with his family. (them making comments about how we should be together and just being weird overall.)
TexasRedJames1974: Ex's are supposed to remain ex's for a reason. Why would you go over to his house, especially at his mom's request when you know he's interested in someone else?
orio-s: Well he also wanted me to come. We are remaining friends, the problem was that I didn’t know he had a new girlfriend and I didn’t know his mom would act that way.
EllieYork: It sounds like his mother and her friends act/talk that way all the time! Don't you find it strange that they all had opinions about *your* relationship? Rest assured, they talked about you after you left. It's best to move on before their gossiping causes you harm.
orio-s: Yeah, she is constantly trying to get me to “wait for him” and thinks I need to let him learn. She says he will “stop cheating after he learns a bit” but idk if he deserves my time after cheating on me
EllieYork: YOU DON'T KNOW? When you take back a guy who has cheated on you, it gives him a green light to continue his behavior and you can NEVER, EVER trust him. Add in his mother who obviously has no boundaries then you are the one that needs "to learn a bit." You shouldn't trust either of them! Please stop wasting YOUR time on them! Go out and find an HONEST, RESPECTFUL and LOVING new guy that will treat you as you DESERVE! Yeah, it will take time, but please DON'T SETTLE for what you're going through now.💕
| 6 | 12.5 | |
1668542444 | 1669680963 | t3_yw7vuc | t5_2to41 | 1,909 | PM_ME_Y0UR_NUDE_PICS: TIFU by paying for an 'erotic' massage
Context: I broke up with my long term partner earlier this year. I didn't want to do it, but it was for the better. I am still in love with her. On to the story.
I am travelling outside of my country and I found out that erotic massages are legal where I am - its basically a massage with a happy ending - no penetrative action is allowed. Prostitution is also legal here, but I didn't feel like going *that* far. Now, in the past I've had trouble being intimate with partners at the first try and usually need some time. I've never had a one night stand for this reason.
What happened was the worst case scenario - I could barely get hard, I was visibly anxious/nervous when it got to the point where she tried to finish me off I asked her to stop. I felt kind of ashamed - obviously she's not into it, she's doing it to support herself and there's nothing wrong with that. But for me the biggest turn on is my partner's enjoyment so I wasn't really getting anywhere in terms of arousal.
We cuddled for the rest of the "session" and I think we both enjoyed that more. The whole thing just made me realise how lonely and starved for touch I am feeling. It also made me realise that one time things / casual sex just doesn't work for me, even if I want it. Which sucks, because I am not really ready to be romantically involved with someone either - yet I just want to cuddle with someone again. I am almost considering booking another session and just straight up skipping to the cuddling part this time, because frankly the message itself sucked (expectedly).
I left and gave the girl a tip because she was understanding and it was overall a nice, if sad, experience.
TL;DR: Horny person tries to pay for physical touch, end up paying for a slight emotional breakdown instead and just to realise he's lonely.
SylancerPrime: This... is more of a wake up, than an F up.
PM_Me_A_Fart_Story: Maybe there should be a TIWU subreddit
frankenstein1122: 
MallGothFrom2001: Mother fucker
ImmediateFknRegret: Love your name, LOVE LOVE your Snoo so fucking much! :)
MallGothFrom2001: Ah thank you! Your avatar is a kitty, so I love it.
ImmediateFknRegret: Thank you! *Psst! ... It's actually just a regular ol' Snoo dressed up like a Kitty :)
| 8 | 238.625 | |
1669612144 | 1669613184 | t3_z6niix | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU by basically exposing my weird ass fetish in from mr of my dad (and almost grandma)
[deleted]
feedus-fetus_fajitas: Flip the script and act bewildered about the content and comment on how weird it was. Then explain you were only there because you were making a list of places NOT to visit on the internet.... To pass to your friends or something to prevent them from accidentally seeing the horrors.
Willieboi1: Yeah he would see right through that but it’s worth a shot
feedus-fetus_fajitas: If anything it'll lighten the mood with a joke. They are dreading the conversation probably as much or more as you are and also probably won't make it a long one.
I dunno what specifically the content was but if you can pass it off as just artistic or art related I'd go that route. If it's clearly slappin material... You can always go the 'stumbled on it out of curiosity' route and then listen to the lecture.
Since you're 15, most sensible parents are, or should be, not surprised at this coming up at some point soon.
Hoping they aren't super religious, sexphobic, or bigoted people for your sake. If they are just regular ol' tolerant/accepting people then the anxiety will be worse than the actual discussion.
| 4 | 0.75 | |
1668135919 | 1668165943 | t3_yrzkda | t5_2to41 | 35 | Distinct-Holiday5947: TIFU by having my first wet dream
So last night, I (22F) had my first ever wet dream and it involved a streamer. I first want to say, I’m not active on twitch, never subscribed to anyone and I frankly don’t know too much about this guy. I had gotten a video of his in my recommendeds and I popped it on to help me fall asleep because he had a nice voice and it was a long video. Anyways, my dream was realllly nice and I won’t lie, it got me curious about this guy even though I wouldn’t say he is exactly my type.
So today I went to ask my friends what they thought of this streamer and while it was mostly positive, there was a lot of comments about how he never showers, has bad hygiene. etc. I thought this might just be a meme but no my friends insisted that this was not a meme but in fact he describes himself as “degenerate.” To make a long story short, my friends and I went on a deep dive into this man’s lifestyle habits (some of which were highly questionable like never eating a vegetable or cleaning up his desk) which led to my friends asking why I cared so much. I had confided in one of them about my dream privately earlier which led to them all finding out I had my first ever wet dream about this guy and now I’m being teased relentlessly about having a crush on him.
TLDR: Had my first wet dream about a degen streamer and now my friends can’t stop teasing me about having a crush on a guy who doesn’t shower
DaveA899: Shoutout Asmongold.
Active-Suit-224: Looool came here to type this 😂😂
| 3 | 11.666667 | |
1668136113 | 1668161104 | t3_yrzmi3 | t5_2to41 | 8,848 | allthesoxintheworld: TIFU by sending 40,000 pairs of socks to my grandmoms house
EDIT: Batch 2 has arrived and gram has jokes 😂 link in top comment
PROOF IN COMMENTS. Apologies for breaking rules earlier.
So I run a nonprofit for individuals in need in my community. Saw a company advertising that they give away 1 pair of socks for every pair sold. I send an email and ask for as many as we can get. Shoot for the moon right?
They ask for an address, my brain panics and gives the one I’m most primed to provide: my Grammys, since she raised me and I know she has a double garage.
So it’s been about a week and I don’t hear anything, forget about it and move on. Until today when I get an email, there are donating 200 boxes of socks and they were shipped yesterday!
So many conflicting emotions. One on hand, I’m so excited to receive a donation this big. We are a very small org so this is a big deal. On the other hand, I’m hoping my Grammy doesn’t get barricaded into her house by boxes of socks 😂
Currently waiting to see if there is any tracking info available so my friends and I can rent a Uhaul to move them all to storage. Ofc there’s also rain coming in our area the next few days 🤦♀️
TL;DR asked for a donation for my community nonprofit and got more than I could have imagined-didn’t know until AFTER they shipped them all to my grandmoms house.
RSCLE5: How do they give away that many just by simply asking? Socks are expensive!
allthesoxintheworld: Guess they do well! they make custom socks and I have to say I do love the ones my bff got me with my dogs face on them last year 😂
mckoul: They also donate underwear and tshirts
allthesoxintheworld: If this is the capital b brand, their donation request is closed and this is from a different place
mckoul: Interesting i will habe to look. I have only heard of the one company
scr0tal: Bombas socks are literal trash unfortunately. Bought a couple pairs. Wore them twice before they started falling apart.
NotThrowAwayAccount9: I disagree, I have several pairs and I wear them daily at my construction job and haven't worn through a single one yet. It's been about two years since I bought them.
AZymph: I concur, wear mine every work day, some are years old and still no holes.
| 9 | 983.111111 | |
1668137581 | 1668138971 | t3_ys02ux | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU by drawing Dickbutt on a whiteboard
[deleted]
Darktenzi: You and your friends handeled that situation so poorly. Yall need to learn to chill man, its a drawing on a marker board.
Not-Shroom: I was chilling bruh. It was never that serious. I didn’t even do anything lol
Darktenzi: Maybe not that serious to YOU. Perspective of the other person is they were uncomfortable, erased it and explained that to you... obviously took it that you were shit talkin and when they comfronted you about it you snapped back at em. If i were them ifld start fuckin with you too. They way you wrote that made yourself sound like an asshole, at least at that moment.
Not-Shroom: I don’t think you’re understanding what happened. When she said it made her uncomfortable, I dropped it. Obviously I told my friends, but in no way was I negatively talking about her to them. Not my fault she assumed I was talking shit, but I’m not gonna be confronted like that when I did nothing wrong. Haven’t said a damn word to her since. Therefore, I did nothing wrong. I didn’t draw anything else that was even remotely inappropriate, she just wanted to fuck with me because her little ego was hurt.
As for my friends, they’re adults. I don’t control what they do. So it’s not my problem beyond that point
| 5 | 1 | |
1668139690 | 1668210070 | t3_ys0qff | t5_2to41 | 2,180 | [deleted]: TIFU ... by Drinking Alcohol Two Hours After Donating Blood, then Passing Out in a Tex-Mex Restaurant Bathroom
[deleted]
Moleypeg: If you think you are going to pass out, don’t lock the door!
Kaos2025: Why?
viber_in_training: Because if you actually need medical attention no one can get to you...
ZerotheWanderer: Restaurant should have keys to every lock, but still wise to not lock the door. Not like you're thinking straight in such a situation.
therealpigman: They’d probably take at least an hour to realize and unlock the door. You could die in that time
papipendejo: 0-100 my guy.
happy-cig: Well he's right. If you passed out and hit your head, the difference of time between the next person walking right in vs someone thinking it's locked because someone's using it could be the difference of life or death.
| 8 | 272.5 | |
1668142887 | 1668209803 | t3_ys1oxt | t5_2to41 | 44 | saltofthegrains: TIFU by ordering an adult pacifier for my 4 month old niece/goddaughter.
My sil had a baby and made me the godfather. I was ecstatic. I don’t have children of my own and my family is always hounding me to settle down but it’s not the lifestyle for me right now. I’m not as innocent as some might believe and I do shop on adult sites. When I find something I want to buy I save it as a bookmark and when I’m in a position to buy it I’ll come back to it. I found a site that lets you order custom inscriptions and thought it was perfect. I save it as a bookmark and decided to wait until I got to my hotel to buy it. I forgot and as I was headed back to the airport I remembered I had to buy my niece that pacifier. They call for loading and I jumped in line. I was mid flight and had I looked through the site I would have seen it was for adults but I paid no notice. I got the inscription written out, paid for it, and had it shipped to my brother. Today I got a call from my brother pissing himself. My sil was in the background doing the same. “I don’t mind you shipping stuff to our house but maybe you can get a post office box for your private life buddy”. In the future I’ll be sticking to gift cards.
Tl;dr
I bought my 4 month old niece a pacifier for sex related activities and now I’m the joke of my family. I’ll stick to gift cards from now on.
twsedf8: Tell me you didn’t get, “Bad Girl” inscribed…
saltofthegrains: 😂 it was only her name. Imagine if it were something like that! “Daddy’s Baby”
rawrsatbeards: I just snorted. Thanks 💀💀💀
| 4 | 11 | |
1669619369 | 1669647264 | t3_z6prr8 | t5_2to41 | 4 | Hot_Future9137: TIFU by telling my gf about a kissing booth
Sorry for bad grammar
So I (16M) told my GF (17F) about some boys in my school planning to do a kissing booth and joked that maybe I should try it out. She got real mad, saying I always try to act cool (as if i’m a player, which is opposite of what I usually am) and she hates it, been hating it for a while (last week we went to play billiards with some of her friends, she was mad about the same reasons when I did a little trashtalking with her friends like I would with my friends, nothing offensive at all), and that I dont care about her feelings when I said it and now she wants to break up. I know I messed up, this is my first relationship ever, I still love her, please help I don’t know what to do and open to hear from everyone how much I F’ed up.
TLDR joked about trying a friend’s kissing booth, got GF mad and wanting to break up, please help.
Prind25: If she doesn't like your sense of humor now, she ain't gana like it in 20 years bro. I'm not saying don't get her back or don't put effort in, ya know it's young love and the relationships you have now are far more carefree and have the fewest life consequences, so just enjoy dating while you can, doesn't even have to be with her, point is you should pursue one's that are fun. People don't find forever love the first, second, or third time, some don't ever find it so don't sweat this particular relationship too hard when you've hardly had time to look for the right person. There's plenty of fish in the sea you just gata put yourself out there and take a few risks.
Prind25: Also all women are crazy, you just gata find crazy you can handle.
Ocean_Spice: … Yikes
| 4 | 1 | |
1668145006 | 1668263661 | t3_ys2bgt | t5_2to41 | 1,728 | TheMolluskPod: TIFU by leaving a naked dude hanging
I work out at my local YMCA and today I worked out particularly hard. Just trying to get myself back in shape after getting kinda sedentary over 2020-2021. The locker room is at the far side of the building away from the weight room and down a long corridor from the front desk area. I always like to use the sauna after a workout and today was no different. I sat in the hot box for 30 minutes and finally got out, cleaned up and dressed for the cold outdoors.
Side bar for context: I can be very spacey as this is my busy season at work so theres usually a lot kicking around in my head after a workout. Personal life has also been colorful lately so the gym is where I process my thoughts. The sauna also bakes a unique radiant layer of exhaustion into you too. So post workout, I really just want to get home.
I also usually keep to myself when I’m there. I’m just there to do my thing. Ear pods in, lone wolf vibe on. Don’t ever see anyone I know socially. It’s rad. I don’t really interact with people in the weight room other than out of courtesy and even less so in the locker room.
Now as I am leaving I have my headphones in and I see an older guy in a towel trying to wave at my direction to get attention so I thought maybe he saw someone behind me. As I mentioned, I don’t usually interact with people and so I was really thrown off guard when he shuffles over to me and I realize I’m the winner of this guys issue. I can see theres a little bit of panic and embarrassment on his face as he approaches me.
I pause my music and he explains he forgot the combination to his lock on the locker and all of his stuff is locked inside. The poor old guy also must have had a lot kicking around in his head as he mentioned he’d just bought the lock, his wife was in the hospital. We covered a lot of ground in less than 2 minutes. So finally he asks if I’d go to the front desk to ask if they would send someone to cut the lock off of his locker.
I said, sure of course I will!
Here’s the fuckup:
As soon as I exit the locker room within 10 seconds of this guys plea for help I get a call for business and its a great opportunity. I have a seat in the long hallway, send emails out, schedule meetings. Probably a 10-15 minutes conversation happens and I walk back down the long hallway and leave super pumped from that call.
12 hours later. It was 10pm. I’m mid conversation with my wife and I left out a long winded “ohhhhh shittttttt…”
Yep…I spaced the whole locker room scene and left the poor dude high and dry.
TLDR: Someone locked themselves out of their locker with no clothes on after a shower. He asked me to get help. I got distracted and forgot about him altogether, remembering just moments ago.
NateHatred: 30 minutes in a sauna is *a lot* of time in a hot box. Be careful, diminishing returns and all that.
colcatsup: I can rarely take more than 15 minutes. Got talking to someone inside once, 24 minutes. I was nauseous/dizzy. Had to lay down on ground outside to regain normalcy. I know everyone is diff, but yeah, 30 minutes is a lot.
Cohibaluxe: Nah. Love a good sauna. Could sit in there for an hour. Probably helps that I live in a very cold climate, so I enjoy any warmth I can get lol
colcatsup: I’ve also noticed the temp in our gym sauna changes week to week.
TheMolluskPod: Same. And the dial is missing on this one. Sometimes 15 minutes is pushing it, othertimes 30 feels right.
Murtomies: Wait what, dial? Is it just a radiator or something?? XD How does it heat the water then?
Never seen an electric sauna stove with a dial. It's just on and off. You put it on and it heats the rocks.
colcatsup: That’s what ours is but there’s some gadget on the wall outside. I suspect it regulates the heat some.
Murtomies: So, what is it? An electric radiator? Cause then that room is not a sauna at all. It's just a room with hot heating, which is useless. You need steam.
colcatsup: I’ve not looked closely at it. The sign says “do not touch!” Possibly just some shut off?
Murtomies: Could be a timer as well.
But do you throw water on the stove to produce steam? Cause if not, then it's just a dry and hot room, and it's probably bad to spend time there at all.
colcatsup: You can, but they tell you not to (another sign). I’ve been in there when people pour water on the rocks and it just gets way too steamy. There’s a separate steam room if you want a lot of steam.
Murtomies: The whole point of a sauna is to produce steam to warm up the room...
slowy: There are both dry sauna and steam ones
| 14 | 123.428571 | |
1668147103 | 1668168166 | t3_ys2wme | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by calling a girl Chinese
[deleted]
DuePomegranate: > Stopped and paused for 5 seconds... before saying "I'm not Chinese" and "I'm Filipino"
Did Naomi say that or did you say that?
Aargh, I don't know why teenagers' writing is so hard to understand. The whole story from head to tail made no sense.
Herodessy: Bruh it's all pretty accurate
DuePomegranate: Dude, WHO stopped and said “I’m not Chinese”? You or her?
What does someone being a Chinese national
have to do with examples of student work?
How is it a joke to tell your friend that Naomi is a rich Chinese exchange student?
If Naomi is the one who said that she’s Filipino, then why did John say that she’s Chinese-Korean? If you’re the one who is Filipino, did you think that you had to tell Naomi that so she wouldn’t think that you’re Chinese like her?
Herodessy: Naomi told me she was Filipino. I don't know whether to trust John about Naomi being Chinese/Korean.
DuePomegranate: Ok. What’s her last name (or family name)? It’s pretty easy to figure out someone’s ethnicity from their family name.
Herodessy: I don't know
I give up man it's better to leave this as it is
| 7 | 0.571429 | |
1668148850 | 1668220273 | t3_ys3dpl | t5_2to41 | 95 | [deleted]: TIFU by getting drunk and going on the NSFW part of reddit
[deleted]
SirGreen117: Bro same. Recently.
Fuck em, most of my people have seen me streaking and I could give a fuck less.
"Imma show all your friends your pics!"
Ok and???
TheGeebLord: OK sweet thanks man. That makes sense and makes me feel alot better
lamb2cosmicslaughter: Revenge porn laws could also get them
fistbumpbroseph: Yar. You have records. Snapchat disappears for users but law enforcement can get logs, including IP addresses. Same with Reddit. If they leak, immediately get a lawyer if you can, or go straight to the cops for revenge porn with every bit of info you have. Even if they're running a VPN there's always a chance they are either using a bad one or made a mistake and there will be a real IP to be found.
Now, I can't tell you how hard the authorities will work on your behalf, but the more evidence you can provide, the more likely they are to follow it through to conclusion. Don't worry about being embarrassed. It takes REAL balls to show photos of your balls to the cops to find the fucker who blackmailed you.
(Edit: typo)
BacilQadir715: R u from south asia perchance?
| 6 | 15.833333 | |
1669622619 | 1669718036 | t3_z6qppr | t5_2to41 | 1,591 | AlwaysPressTheButton: TIFU during an interview
[removed]
bfrazer1: I've been editing reality TV for 15 years, and if it's any consolation I've seen this happen a few times. It sucks, but shouldn't be the end of the world. You mentioned a sound guy, so audio was running, right? A good editor will hopefully be able to salvage the best sound bites from that, covered with broll, and occasionally cutting to the take you did film. Not 100% as effective, but the episode will be fine.
Givemeurhats: ^ no experience being a cameraman or TV editor, and I'd say this is how I'd expect them to do it. Sound guy got the whole recording. Sucks you won't see him cry, but you can still hear it lol. Now I'm gonna spend the next year watching cooking shows and wait for a contestant #5 who never had a post-interview
wrongbutt_longbutt: > Now I'm gonna spend the next year watching cooking shows and wait for a contestant #5 who never had a post-interview
And with this comment, a new type of guerilla marketing was born.
aussie_nub: Except they're going to have to watch all the competitors ones too so not sure it's as good as you might think.
tarion_914: Sounds like a conspiracy by the big reality cooking show guys.
| 6 | 265.166667 | |
1668149120 | 1668150787 | t3_ys3g89 | t5_2to41 | 2 | [deleted]: TIFU by losing the only guy who ever loved me
[deleted]
pkinetics: this might be awkward, but if L is as amazing and wonderful as you say he is, I'd send him a link to your post.
You have been open and honest. You've bared your soul and vulnerabilities to the anonymoose community of Reddit.
Be brave one more time.
Or... copy pasta what you just posted and send it to him.
May fortune smile upon you! Dare to take a leap of faith!
Popular_Arm7662: i dunno, i wish i knew what his reddit username was but i dont know it... but thank you so much
pkinetics: copy link to post and send via email or text msg
| 4 | 0.5 | |
1668149743 | 1668224167 | t3_ys3lwj | t5_2to41 | 3 | InvestigatorSimple91: TIFU I just fuck my near future up
It's 1:37 a.m in my country, and I really fucked everything up. I'm 16 and here, we finish high school at this age(Colombia). So I study in a technical school, we have to make a final project in order to graduate, today is 11/11/2022 and i have to present it on 11/15/2022, a friend and I made a smart mirror, we built it, and I coded it, we were so happy for finally doing it. So I had the mirror on my bed because was doing some checks, then I got it and putted it against the wall like a triangle, it look stable, didn't set it flat cuz I was scared of it getting scratches. Then I got away literally around 2 mts but suddenly it fell, and shit it broke, I don't really know what to do, to get another glass could be expensive, fuck, if I do not present this i would not be able to get my high school degree, also I have no time. I want to die right know. If someone of you have any idea plz.
TL:DR I don't know how my fucking 3 months project fell but if I don't find any solution maybe wouldn't be able to get graduated. FUCK
FewTransportation307: First thing you should do is contact your partner and let them know. Then after you need to contact your teacher for an extension, maybe attach photos of the broken project so it's believable. Mistakes happen, don't beat yourself up for this. Just make sure you have enough time to redo it and please let your partner know since this is also their grade too.
FewTransportation307: Also since you said you coded it, depending on what server you used the code might already be saved on it so that should make it easier to redo it.
| 3 | 1 | |
1668155399 | 1668194476 | t3_ys50f2 | t5_2to41 | 176 | throawayacct1314: TIFU by not showering before sex
Throw away account so hopefully my husband never finds this
I can't believe I'm posting this but I feel so embarrassed about it I feel like I can't not post it.
I (20f) and my husband (24m) have a pretty decent sex life as far as I'm concerned, we do it at least every other day and it's good sex. One very important thing to note is that my husband loves going down on me. Like we won't have sex if he doesn't get to loves it and I do too and another important note is that I have balance issues which prevents me from showering as throughly as I would like so sometimes some lint can get left in places I can't see very well. This leads up to the incident.
Yesterday when my husband got home from work he decided he wanted to partake in the devil's tango and as per usual he started to go down on me, now I don't know about you guys but I'm a dim lighting kind of gal which prevented my husband,and by proxy me, from noticing one crucial thing which would have probably killed the whole mood, there was a giant lint ball that was soaked in sweat sitting right where his chin sits when he's going down on me 🙃 so when he pulls his face up to wipe a hair out of his mouth (we have 2 dogs, it happens) and come kiss me I see it. It's sitting there on his chin taunting me and I am absolutely morified but I have to act normal and keep a straight face so he doesn't notice and wipe his face himself. So I have to play it off as I'm grabbing his face for a passionate kiss when in all reality I was wiping the giant lint ball off his chin and hiding it between the wall in the matress. 😭 I literally cried in the bathroom while he showered afterwards!
TL:DR
Always shower before sex or at least take a wet rag and wipe or you may end up with a lint ball and situation that you'll have to take to your grave.
UPDATE
[he found my post and made his own](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/ysuqh1/tifu_by_making_my_wife_regret_making_a_post_here/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Olsepulsen: I’m kinda lost on what a lint ball is, can someone explain
poopyrattler: Yes it's a ball of lint
Olsepulsen: English aint my first language dude what’s lint
poopyrattler: I got u fam https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lint_(material)
ErdtreeSimp: Wtf *thats* it?! Im shy but even i would think twice about that. I thought this is a poop story or something
Olsepulsen: I thought the same thing, like it was some weird body fluid
| 7 | 25.142857 | |
1669629254 | 1669661508 | t3_z6siiu | t5_2to41 | 5 | AweProfit: TIFU: I may have given myself tinnitus (ringing in ear)
I may have given myself tinnitus.
Help & Suggestions
Hello everyone, recently in the last 5 days I’ve heard a ringing noise in my right ear… how did it start I will explain.
I’ve been having this lower back towards my (originally right hip/side/lower back) I think it’s due to my posture… anyways I went to an urgent care and they said it’s a muscle strain & if it gets worse contact my primary doctor. Recently I’ve been getting high and when I’m high I like to focus on my pain and feel my pain in a way as if it’s healing, and maybe it’s just in my head but it does tend to feel better.
Tuesday Night, I got extremely high and of course I was focusing the pain in my body and in the sense of waves & ringing from the area.. as in messing with it I feel the ringing part of it travel up my body and ask it’s traveling it’s going towards my head once it got to my head I felt the ringing but once again I was just messing with it didn’t think much of it, so it was loud and kept getting louder and at this point I was trying to make it like pop cause in my high thoughts I thought I could control it and make it pop or disappear in like a cool wave sensation. Absolutely NOT! I open back my eyes to having the most terrible, ringing in my ears IRL.. I had to call friends at 1am asking man if this normal and then replying sometimes when they get a bad high or get really high they hear a ring… so finally I get some sleep (using music) wake up and it’s gone.. ok good right? But here’s the thing. That following night I could feel, hear, my right ear ring.. and I was terrified. It was so loud and I lowkey started to panick I was googling everything and couldn’t find much. So same way I got sleep I did again using (loud music). I’ve been asking ppl, googling and nothing… just a high pitch ring all because I was sad and smoked.. I only smoke to get things off my mind and it seems to have cursed me with this ringing sound… I’m gonna try recreating how it happened.
BTW: while I was creating the ringing noise in my body that worked it’s way up to my head and ears, once I opened back up my eyes I found like myself in a position with my head up and basically putting my head / neck in a bending position putting a lot of pressure on my back of my head / upper neck area (I can’t put in a image to show)
Know to continue it’s been on / off at first.. unless it’s super quiet I can’t hear it. It been a mix of high & low pitch and I discovered temporarily reliefs for a few moms from biting down on my left side of jaw, tapping the back of my head like in those videos you see on the internet that show how to bring relief. So far that’s all I got I’m on day 5 goin into 6 I’ll probably try smoking again to see if maybe I can go in there and reverse it some how idrk… I’m 17 , got my whole life ahead of my and tbh I can’t take this ringing. I can’t keep using music or those noises to silence it out to sleep for the first time I’ve been waking up out of my sleep even with music I feel like I can’t think properly or dream cause they all go back to the ringing. I hope it gets better before I go crazy from it, currently it’s a low pitched ring and if I focus on it, it goes high.
Feel free to ask me anything and I’ll update everyone.
TL;DR: got so high I might have given myself tinnitus. Maybe I can do it again to reverse it?
Small Disclaimer: I literally can’t post in r/tinnitus or r/askreddit man I just want help and I can’t even ask in the community
throwaway_nowgoaway: You may want to pop over to r/energywork and r/reiki if you enjoy healing meditations.
I have tinnitus too. Mostly in right ear. It’s annoying as hell. Wish I had an easy solution but I don’t :/
All I can say is that with illnesses and ailments in general, it’s normal to be anxious and grieve about it at first, but over time we get used to it and it just becomes a part of us. All part of the process.
AweProfit: Oh I actually found a little temporary solution. I had caught a cramp in my low jaw in the middle of class and as I was massaging my throat / lower jaw area the ringing completely went away but I was very sensitive to loud noise.. so I plan to test it out again when I go home but so far I got about a hour & half worth of silence but loud noises will trigger it back again but at a low pitch. Once I experiment with being in a quiet room and hopefully can silence the ringing again I’ll update my post to help others, who have a similar case like me. Then I’ll post my report of what the doctors say when I get an appointment.
throwaway_nowgoaway: Good luck 👍
AweProfit: Thanks man, I really hope I can over come it right now I hear like a really low pitch, I use brown noises to keep it at bay when I’m in a loud area of school.
| 5 | 1 | |
1668161691 | 1668186231 | t3_ys6jnt | t5_2to41 | 2 | ItsMrFoxToYou: TIFU by marrying my abuser (Trigger warnings, long) NSFW
Context, not today, some time ago but it's an anniversary today so its on my mind.
Parts of this will be vague, I can't afford to give away details that will allow them to identify me. This is all true and its been years trying to deal with this to the point I can talk about it. Trigger warning, this will contain details of physical, emotional and sexual abuse. Do not read further unless you are able to handle these.
I married my partner quite some years ago. Initially things were "ok". They had some issues, but I thought we could work through it. I didn't see the flags from the start. However, they got worse.
Because the abuse grew over years, slowly I never saw it. I learned to keep my mouth shut, not argue, do as I was told and agree with everything they said or suffer the consequences. There was some minor physical abuse before we married but it stopped and didn't happen again for years so I thought I was safe. I was not.
I allowed them to run my life without realising it. Slowly I was isolated from friends and family until the only person I had was my partner. We had children. I was left to be the main carer for them a substantial amount of time with my partner out drinking or with friends. Disappearing for sometimes days without returning home.
They would often return later at night, or morning rather, 1,2,3am drunk. I would pretend to be asleep but that didn't stop them. I was never physically forced into anything so I didn't realise what was going on, but I was coerced, guilted and just nagged into doing things I didn't want to do at that time with them. I was gaslit to feel shame and guilt over not "wanting" my partner.
After many years of marriage I met somebody who had been abused and they explained what had happened, and in a moment of clarity I recognised this as my daily life. I began to assess my life and look back, through the lens of somebody who knew what abuse was. Over some weeks I realised what I had been through and that this was not a healthy relationship. I left them.
Over the course of the next months to years they began to punish me for daring to leave. I was followed across the country. After years of subtle emotional and financial abuse my attempts to escape escalated it to violent physical acts that resulted in the death of a family member, the near death of one of my children and myself.
I have lost my job, my home, close family members and I am still not free. I am in financial ruin with no prospects of recovery and struggling to feed my family. I can't afford to keep them warm.
I fight every day just to keep going on, struggling to find some reason for what has happened or a way out of the darkness.
Everyday I blame myself for putting myself in this situation, for not leaving sooner, for allowing it to continue, for not protecting those around me. I chose this person, I married them despite some early red flags, this really is the most incredibly huge fuck up I can imagine any person doing.
I still find a lot of this hard to talk about, nobody around me knows and I can't risk others finding out for what it may do to the children I am trying to protect. I can't get help and I have lost everything.
So yeah, not today, but I really fucked up.
​
Tl;Dr, I ignored red flags in a partner, married them, ignored abuse and stayed with them to the point it resulted in violent assault and death of a family member.
lethe25: Very sorry to hear this happened to you. Hope this all works out. Are you currently working?
Pyrofer: Sadly no. Unemployed and unemployable due to my situation.
I can't give specifics but I am currently not working for medical reasons and even if I was able to work, I need to be able to drop everything and deal with a constant stream of stressful "surprises" in my daily life. Any employer would rapidly be turned off keeping me within weeks through no action of my own in much the same way I lost the last two jobs because of them.
It's amazing how quick you can eat through savings with legal fees and generosity of family can only take you so far.
There are tough times ahead for many right now, It brings me no comfort to know that I am in the company of many good people dealing with difficult world events on top of incredibly harsh personal circumstances.
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1669639041 | 1669659084 | t3_z6vh10 | t5_2to41 | 178 | Burstmyanus: TIFU by eating thanksgiving leftovers and rushing while doing number 2
I have read the rules, and though this story does involve me and my digestive system, I will try to keep it as neatly formulated as I possibly can.
Just like any other day, I woke up, snoozed my alarm, got up, showered, did my make up and got ready for work.
Normally I have a breakfast with yoghurt and some fruit, but when I opened my fridge I realized I still had some thanksgiving leftovers that I could eat for breakfast. My mom made a really nice quiche. It still smelled and looked great so I warmed it up, and enjoyed my meal.
Not too long after my stomach started cramping and I figured I just needed to do my morning poo, and it would be fine. It was already getting later, so I had to rush to be on time for work. I quickly did my thing and it did feel a little uncomfortable, but I didn’t think too much of it. There was some bleeding, but I thought I had just started my period, hence the cramping earlier on.
I quickly realized that I did not just get my period, but that I rushed a number two and my backdoor was now torn.
I tried wiping but the bleeding kept going. Eventually it stopped, so I went on about my morning. The only problem is, that my stomach was definitely upset from the food. So I had to make my way back to the toilet again very soon.
This cycle of pooping, bleeding, wiping, getting up and having to go again has been repeating this whole morning.
I called in sick.
TLDR : Ate some bad thanksgiving leftovers, got my stomach upset, rushed a nr 2 and tore my backdoor.
OkVolume1: You've got the turkey trots.
Beneficial_Tough3345: Extra lube how gross
| 3 | 59.333333 | |
1668169193 | 1668295305 | t3_ys8u1h | t5_2to41 | 7 | Gay_and_bored_: TIFU by agreeing to date a boy i don’t like
*im sorry if I have grammar mistakes, English is not my first language*
Ok so me (15 f) and him (15 m) we’re close friends since the beginning of September this year, we could talk for hours and I told him a lot of privet things about me (including that I had a crush on a boy that’s not him). Ok so today between math and English he went to me and asked me to be his girlfriend,and I told him that I am not sure if I wanted to. We have english class together and through the whole class time he tree papers at me asking me if a wanted or not and I told him again ,that im not sure (it was like that for 2 hours).and after school was over he spammed me for an hour so I said yes because I wanted him to stop.after that he told his friends that he loved me and he want to meet my parents.I don’t really feel the same way
I wanna break up with him but I don’t wanna hurt him
What should I do?
TLDR a guy asked me out and he apparently loves me and I don’t really feel the same way
JimmiRustle: That’s the shittiest tl;dr since the U.S. constitution.
Gay_and_bored_: Ik it’s my first Reddit post and I wasn’t sure what am I supposed to write on it
JimmiRustle: It stands for “too long, didn’t read” and is supposed to be a short summary that gives the reader enough insight to realise what the text is about and, as is the case on Reddit, be able to determine if they want to read the full text.
Gay_and_bored_: Ohhh okk thank youuu
JimmiRustle: Yeah no probs. It’s not like there’s a guide to the internet just lying around so never be afraid to ask :)
| 6 | 1.166667 | |
1668174198 | 1668175759 | t3_ysavc9 | t5_2to41 | 27 | [deleted]: TIFU by crying in public for the first time in my life.
[deleted]
This-guy-4491: So how exactly did you fuck up?
mike_pants: And what part of "lying in bed with my wife" was the "in public" part? That's about as private a scene one can be involved in.
bee-sting: Yeah I lie in bed with this guys wife in public and people get _very_ upset
| 4 | 6.75 | |
1669650016 | 1669662133 | t3_z6zp0i | t5_2to41 | 39 | ButterflyMountain656: TIFU by getting in trouble with the police during sex
One thing about me (21f) is that I am a very vocal woman and I can get really loud during sex .
One day, my bf came over and we started making out which turned into me being tied up to the bed with a butt plug, a vibrator inside of me and one on my clit . I am definitely a fan of BDSM and being tied to the bed and handcuffed gives me the most orgasms possible. I came and squirted so many times that the bed sheets were soaking wet . After that, my bf turned me around in doggy, grabbed my hips and fucked me so hard that I couldn’t stop screaming.
20 minutes later, we hear the bell ring . We were both so confused… who could have been ? My parents? My friend?
My bf got dressed while I was still tied up to the bed and unable to move, he went to the door and opened it .
Well, it was the police… They told him that it’s been brought to their attention that something might be going on in my house. I’m pretty sure my neighbors complained about the noise and they wanted to make sure that everything is fine . They asked how many people are in the house and my bf said it’s just me and him . They then asked to talk to me but I was pretty much unable to get there . My bf came into the room, untied me and helped me get dressed. I tried to convince the officers that everything was fine and that we were just having a bit of
fun so after a few minutes of talking they left .
That was really embarrassing, I will probably get a gag ball next time so I can be quiet .
Tl;Dr I was so loud that my neighbors called the police
Outzer: I will take "Things that did not happen" for 500
AcrobaticSource3: Trying to build an audience for OF pages (see OP’s post history)
Outzer: 3 days ago she was fingered for the first time. Today she had so rough sex using toys that the neighbors called the cops.
Seems very legit...
MaccGawd: They don’t even try to have any realistic chronological consistency. 😂
| 5 | 7.8 | |
1668182347 | 1668259861 | t3_yseh5t | t5_2to41 | 11,219 | LooseEnvironment7911: TIFU by accidentally showing my boyfriend’s mom my nudes
My bf’s family was having a barbecue, and my bf’s mom asked me to take photos at the family event. I brought my nice camera (**not my phone**), and I completely understand that this whole situation could’ve been absolutely avoided. I really should’ve checked the photos that were already on my camera before the family gathering… but I forgot to since I hadn’t used it in a while
In the midst of the barbecue, I was showing my bf’s mom some of the photos on the camera. And I clicked the forward button without realizing that I was at the end of the camera roll.. The first photo in the camera roll was a very explicit nude photo that my bf took of me. (**My bf was not in the photo.**) To be straightforward, it was a closeup photo of me in d*ggystyle position, and you could see EVERYTHING. To say I was horrified is an understatement.. I screamed, hugged the camera to my body, and ran sheepishly away to my boyfriend in the next room.
Yes, I know I could’ve played it off better, but I was literally going to explode from embarrassment. I know this is something that she’ll never forget (as well as I). While I also know this is a funny embarrassing story, I can’t help but cringe still
TL;DR
My bf’s mom asked me to take pics with my camera (**not my phone**). I didn’t check my camera roll before the family event. While showing her some of the photos, I accidentally showed her a very explicit nude photo of me that my bf took.
*** additional info: my bf (**25m**) and I (**23f**) live together and have been dating for years.
Otfd: No worries. I am sure she fist bumped her son and said "noice"
Cultural_Head_9237: Noice
Rich-Juice2517: Noice
snausagesinablanket: Noice
Visionaryness: Noice
TheAmazingPikachu: Noice
Alypius754: Noice
deinernst123: Noice
sir_darthcyan: Noice
FachtnaNuadha: Noice
JamesRMusicStudios: Noice
GubbenJonson: Noice
khaledhm771: Noice
SamaelLucifer666: Noice
ikthezeus: Noice
jared_number_two: Noice
Mindfully_Befuddled: Noice
pooshooter56: Noice
| 19 | 590.473684 | |
1669656117 | 1669660494 | t3_z72czs | t5_2to41 | 17 | throwingfast144: TIFU by asking my best friend out
So this happened two days ago and I really messed up. I(22m) asked out my best friend(21f) while extremely drunk. My best friend let's call her F has been my best friend since sophomore year in highschool. I learned she had feelings for me when I was 17, she told me but decided to stay friends. She was crazy reserved and around that time I was dating my ex(22f). Me and my ex been been together for years but long story short life happens, we broke up, she went to college, I went to college, we all went to college surprisingly. So the other day when back from college I went to a party with my buddy and us together is the worse combo. He encouraged me to hit up my ex who is his friend. I told her I regret how I treated her in the past, I was toxic I cheated and treated her terribly. I already know I'm a dick for that and that's why I'm throwingaway. So after one year apart my buddy says I should hit her up while we are fucked up and I agreed. I may have been terrible but I loved her and she gives the stand offsh, "what do you want". So I drive fully drunk to her house(never drink and drive)and I start knocking on her door. She obviously knows im drunk and opens the door. Anyways despite her mother's hatred of me we hangout in her room. After talking about college I kissed her and one thing lead to another and we do the deed. While laying on her carpet I hit up my best friend who is also around. She knows how I am when drunk so to justify my bad feelings she knew it was coming. Anyways I drive to her house which her mom also hates me but her dad loves me wth. We talk between my car and her porch. I remember asking her "what would happen if were a couple in highschool" and then I kissed her. Yes she pulled me off of her so I drove home drunk and jeez. I woke up the next night to my best friend asking me "Wait what did you mean last night" and my ex asking "I'll see you soon". My ex is crazy and that scares ne but I'm fully in love with her. Not to mention they are friends aswell but they aren't as close since istarted dating my ex. All of this worries me I didn't reply and it's 12 the next day here. I kinda like the feeling but I know everything I did was wrong in the same way. Also I'm so in love with my ex that I wanna go to her house rn it hurts.
TL;DR: I asked my bestfriend out after being with my ex that I love and now I don't know what to say.
ummmm--no: good god - I'm not sure the title fully explains the soap opera buried in this! Whew! I'm exhausted just reading it. But it sounds like a lifetime movie may be in your future.
pogiguy2020: No prison when he kills someone driving drunk.
throwingfast144: Imma get help for drinking but their house was like right down the road. No excuse but still not the worse.
pogiguy2020: right down the road as in should have walked it or took an Uber/Lyft
| 5 | 3.4 | |
1669656385 | 1669741941 | t3_z72hb6 | t5_2to41 | 841 | rosey0926: TIFU by realizing how much debt I'm in.
TLDR: I checked my credit score a couple of days ago and I haven't been able to sleep since.
Now, it's not as bad as you may think. At all. With the holiday season coming, I applied for some payment plans and got rejected, which made me realize: I need to pay my cards off.
I'm $4,000 in debt. My job pays well but not well enough. My parents have abandoned me because they don't approve of my partner so they're 0 help. As many of us in the USA, I wasn't taught about credit and how it works so once I got approved I just started spending without thinking and didn't realize how high the APR is. So no matter how much money I'm pouring into paying them off, they somehow are still 100% used. If anyone has any advice, please let me know. I've applied for personal loans and they're of no help either.
I'm struggling, I'm depressed, I don't have an appetite, I hate America. You can't do anything here with bad credit, let alone get your own place. I told my partner I don't want anything big for Christmas because I know I cannot afford to pay it back with a big gift for them as well, not even including my daughter.
I guess this is just a rant to let it all out.
EDIT: thank you to everyone for the advice, it is extremely appreciated
For the ones who are saying $4k is nothing, go ahead and cash app me the money you pull out of your asshole ❤️
Korezen: The issue is not so much thst your not taught but that you didnt go do your research before doing something. Alot of people blame not being taught and I can understand that to a point but alof this generation lacks common self dependance. I was not taught about credit and how to build it up but you know what I did? Looked up some vids and websites. This generation has so much info in their hands litterally. Additionally alot of this generation live outside their means. Cut down on spending and eating out for a year. It will suck but could fix that huge debt. Most people seem to live $200-400 out of their means per month. Right now if your paying the bare minimum which is most likely just the interest you need to up your payments. Dont blame america, take responsibility and grow
LiquorishSunfish: "This generation" as if the issues you've spoken about aren't present in every single generation. Who are you even talking about?
Korezen: This generation has much more mindset of over spending, living over the means and living in the moment. Many do not look at the future problems or research before doing somethung and play the blame game. I was not taught this or that when the information is plentiful. Everyone who is between 13-35 years right now( I am in this generation )
immibis: That's because there's nothing worth saving for. IDK about you, but everything I could possibly buy is either trivially cheap (including things like eating out) or costs a minimum of multiple years of saving (hello housing) so I can easily see why many people don't see the point.
Korezen: You miss the point that people are NOT spending and buying outside of their means unable to afford housing, cars , bills.
immibis: What?
Korezen: Sorry supposed to say NOT saving and are spending. Was eating while replying
immibis: why save when there's nothing to save for?
Korezen: Then dont complain you got nothing now(for those who complain). I have and had plenty to save for.
immibis: such as?
Korezen: For me was a house, truck, savings, things for my daughter and able to do so without worry. Spensing all my money and not knowing if I have enough for bills and the toxic anxiety from it was worth not eating out,buying gifts, or stuff for my self for 1-2years. First year saved me like 4k alone in eating out. That paid off most my credit card debt alone. Gifts and extra spending saved me another 4-5k and was abke to get my credit up and start a business. Even without a business and having a 20-25/hr job would have still been ok with those savings
immibis: The people who came after you can't have those things EVEN WITH savings.
Korezen: They can, by us doing the best we can to bring back the economy rather then putting our self in more crippling debt and we can make change instead of being a giving up mentality
immibis: What can we do to bring back the economy? Protest? Light Bezos's vacation home on fire?
Korezen: Being responsible in our spending and life style for one would be a great improvement, if everyone can get their shit together alone would be a improvement.
immibis: What is responsible?
| 17 | 49.470588 | |
1669657295 | 1669658556 | t3_z72vs3 | t5_2to41 | 8 | [deleted]: TIFU by trying to get an immigrant to speak english in America
[removed]
Kingindanorff: Dude wtf
Nablaquabla: He's just hitting her in the face in a very child friendly way, no permanent damage and all, what's the biggie?! I mean whenever I see someone riding a bike on the road I just throw rocks, milkshakes and firecrackers at them. We are in America after all, and we drive cars here! /s
Kingindanorff: Insane
| 4 | 2 | |
1669658969 | 1669817871 | t3_z73mri | t5_2to41 | 10,276 | luke111mart: TIFU by loving and trusting a woman for 3 years.
I've had relationship issues when I was young (girl left me for my friend, then the exact same thing happened with a different girl and different friend a few years later) but around 3 years ago I got back in touch with a girl I met in grade 3, and everything was great, she took my virginity and we began dating shortly after. We went through a lot in 3 years, and my parents lost their house and started living with my sibling so I moved in with her and her family.
I've had trust issues my whole life as well as anxiety and depression, it took a lot for me but I was finally able to trust her and open up. But two days ago she didn't come home from a night out with friends I got scared and worried and was up all night trying to contact her, the next morning she said she was at a hotel with her friends and told me this weeks ago. Then last night when I was on break at work she messaged me and said she cheated, so I went home, packed my bags and am now staying on my sister's couch with no way to work.
We talked last night and she said we just started feeling like roommates and she wanted to talk to me but couldn't, so cheated instead?
Now I'm terrified, worried and alone, it took so much for me to trust someone outside of my family and when I finally felt safe and comfortable the one person I thought I could trust betrayed me and hurt me in the worst way possible, now I have no where to live but couch surfing between friends and family, I have no way to work, and no where to put all my stuff, meanwhile she's fine living a happy life with her family.
TL ; DR have trust issues, anxiety, and depression, and finally was in a trusting relationship with an old friend I grew up with, and lived with, who cheated on me and told me through a text while I was at work, now I'm living on my sister's couch depressed and terrified.
Edit I was terrified to post this thinking it would just be people telling me how I could have done better, but maybe that's just my anxiety talking, thank you everyone for everything, I'm still really nervous but gotta start continuing, I'm at my sister's place for now and my family has room to store my stuff, unfortunately I still have to communicate with her to get my shit back and the rent money I was paying her dad to stay there, I've found a way to work, definitely inconvenient but I'll make it work. Thank you everyone
Edit 2 thank you everyone, even though I'm not responding I'm reading everything, and you guys have really helped and will continue to, thank you again for all the support
Edit 3 I'm 19 for those wondering, it also wasn't my choice to live together, it was either move in with her or sleep on a family/ friends couch for months
Edit 4 thank you again everyone for the support, I'm a little overwhelmed now between people being jerks and just the whole situation on general, if you'd like to help please just link funny sub reddits below
HawterSkhot: Let's make one thing clear: you didn't fuck up here.
Edit: some of y'all should look into therapy.
Zeronality: >you didn't fuck up here
That is what everyone here believes, except the victim.
We always take the blame and look at our faults.
This simple realization will be harder to fully grasp for OP than climbing a mountain I am afraid. Now with the second time this has happened, subtle confirmation bias is certainly gonna kick in.
Dandonezo54: He fucked up by letting his girl on "girl nights out". This is where cheating happens, alcohol, many single people looking to get sum and so on.
He should have walked out on her as soon as she wanted to go and she persisted to go.
He is not responsible for her actions. But he i responsivle for letting people walk over his boundaries and that is a ahrd boundary in a relationship.
Want to act single? Be single.
Dark1sh: Are you this controlling or have you never been in a serious relationship?
Dandonezo54: I have been and i learned from it. This is my and many peoples Experience talking.
You are commenting under a post where it literally happened again?! I mean you do get the irony dont you?
Dark1sh: This is how controlling people function and feel warranted in their disgusting behaviors. If you ever find someone willing to commit to you, this controlling behavior may work for a short while until she escapes you by running to her family or seeking out an abuse shelter. It’s not how you treat people or going to give you anything in the long run
It’s more likely that OPs selection of partners is an issue, being abusive is not the answer. I peeked at your post and comments, you should get help while you’re young and challenge to change yourself.
My life isn’t perfect, but this happened to me twice when I was younger, I’m now in a 15 year relationship and married for 10 years.
Dandonezo54: Blaming op for getting cheated on? Are you serious? You are doing the same as me but without admitting that it is wise to walk out on a partner who wants to act single while in a relationship.
Fact is if that would have been his boundary he would have left the cheating girl as she wanted to be "free" which is bs.
Freedom is not defined by how you can go out to party without our partner and getting drunk with stranger men.
Dark1sh: Going out with friends is healthy
Dandonezo54: Nope its single behaviour. Grow up.
Go to a normal bar maybe where there is private seating and no chance for strangers to get touchy flirty maybe then ok but thats more a cafe which no one has problems with.
Are you and xour friends only able to meet while going clubbing lr going to a bar and getting drunk? If yes go get new friends.... this behaviour isnt healthy (alcohol duh)
And isnt worthy of someone in a committed relationship.
Dark1sh: The irony of your only post here is “25 male looking to cum” hahaha “grow up”, you’re hilarious
Dandonezo54: Ok? People are sexual and find online sometimes other people to live it out, big news. Maybe you should grow up?
Dark1sh: Seven years of Reddit and this is the wildest
Dandonezo54: What subs do you only frequent? r/aww only?
Wildest lol
Dark1sh: You’re a deprived individual, but I don’t have anything left to say
Remember this convo, in 20 years when your reflecting back thinking what the fuck happened, where did it go wrong and where could I have turned it around…. Think of this
Dandonezo54: Nah i will be not thinking of this in a few hours ever again
| 16 | 642.25 | |
1668190036 | 1668192365 | t3_ysi1tx | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: Tifu by not going out for a couple of years
[removed]
YungJohn_Nash: Sex is weird and you're both adults. If one snafu runs her off then fuck it.
TobitosDoritos: fairly sure he wont get to if she runs away
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1669659300 | 1669683854 | t3_z73sdw | t5_2to41 | 303 | MortenaSmithF432: TIFU by not impulsively spending $135
My husband is a huge Metallica fan, he’s also a Swiftie. Over the last couple months we’ve been dealing with the TS album drop and ticket nonsense, and I learned that if I see anything drops in her online store that I think hubby will like that I should purchase it right away because if I think about it for even a minute the item will be sold out.
Cue this morning. Husband is at work and I got the email about the new Metallica album and tour. I immediately forward it to hubby and go check everything out. I have the fifth member exclusive vinyl in my cart as well as the smokey black and the “discounted” t-shirt.
No reply from hubby yet, so I go check out the shows and ticket options. I send him a long text explaining what shows we’ll probably try for and apologize for bugging him.
I check my cart again and see the total, and really I’m only wondering if he wants two of the non-fifth member colored vinyls (to keep one wrapped). I decided to shower before placing the order.
While showering I keep getting anxiety about how TS’s vinyls dropped and sold out immediately.
I get out of the shower and my cart is empty.
The fifth member exclusive is sold out and I can still get the other colored vinyl, but shipping would be 80% the price of the record. ($30 ish no matter the order size).
Now I’m all bummed out that I failed to get something I know he would’ve wanted, and I really don’t want to just order one record for $67.
I hope they do another drop for the yellow spattered exclusive, but knowing my stupidity I’ll wait too long to order it and miss out again.
Hopefully I don’t screw up getting him concert tix.
TL:DR I had a limited edition vinyl my husband would love to have in my cart ready to buy but I didn’t let my normal impulsive spending take over and it sold out.
MrProtegy: Why in the world would you wait??! $135 is practically nothing. Even IF he didn’t want it you could easily resell it to make your money back, although I highly doubt he wouldn’t have wanted it!
Well lesson learned, don’t second guess yourself next time!
Booskop89: Glad you're swimming in money, but to a lot of people, if not most, $135 *is* a lot of money.
Oahkery: To someone who is apparently regularly buying merch, albums and tickets for multiple artists and who has alerts set up to be notified as soon as they go on sale, not to mention who was already completely willing to spend the money but was just waiting, $135 isn't very much. Use context clues. The discussion is about this specific situation.
happy-cig: Plus if they are huge fans they would know the market price of her items. So if they do sell out your risk is next to nothing. Worse worse case scenario is break even.
| 5 | 60.6 | |
1668190841 | 1668191247 | t3_ysif6v | t5_2to41 | 9 | [deleted]: TIFU by doing a poo on a water slide
[removed]
KittKatt7179: Ummm...what the hell is wrong with you? You should have been heading for a restroom, not standing at the top of a waterside. You don't wait until it is sliding out your ass to go to the toilet. You knew you were having tummy issues, you should have been more careful and took yourself to the restroom.
Peedee04: This is a scene from a movie, "the inbetweebers 2".
| 3 | 3 | |
1669660232 | 1669696404 | t3_z7484w | t5_2to41 | 1 | HonestSmoke6182: TIFU by venting too far
It started last week I failed the Technology test and some kid started making fun of me because I'm very good at it normally. So me and my neighbor Clint started making joke on him make fun of his head and stuff and then Clint started to brought in other students and I was to happy to care I was finally able to vent (and I tough it will never get out right. What a foul I was) I knew some people were talking about me and the boy we were making fun of was one of them. Here comes the problem. We started out random and then he pick Ashley.
He said "Ashley should put what's in her lips inside her brain" and in the heat of the moment I responded she should put what she has in her butt in brain then we stopped. Today I learned Clint is a lonely traitor and said I said on Ashley to her best friend and now me only is in trouble
Yes we did apologize and she said face the person you have beef with isn't of being hypocrite.
Tl:Dr : I vented to the extreme and friend turn out to be a snitch
fliguana: "today I learned of karma"
Tomorrow you will learn if the golden rule.
HonestSmoke6182: I never intended of going this way the golden rule?
fliguana: I am sure your parents taught you the golden rule.
If you forget: https://www.gotquestions.org/Golden-Rule.html
In modern English: don't be an ass to others
HonestSmoke6182: But other have to be an ass to me
| 5 | 0.2 | |
1668193512 | 1668194063 | t3_ysjpmo | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: Tifu by losing in beerpong
[removed]
[deleted]: Stupid ploy for upvotes. Find a better way to get karma.
sirstephenthebrave: Almost certainly, still commented in the hopes it's real.
| 3 | 1 | |
1669659374 | 1669682988 | t3_z73tol | t5_2to41 | 28 | Streakfull: TIFU by cooking rice
This happened yesterday at around 2AM and things got blown way out proportion.
​
I overcooked some rice so naturally a bit of steam came out of the window, the neighbor above me immediately called the emergency number before asking me about it. She came down super worried and trying to save me from a fire. I told her it is just cooking and will be clear really quick and then she said okay. She came again apparently after trying to cancel the fire department coming and gave me the phone to speak with the emergency line.
​
I told him over the phone that it was not a fire and just steam from the rice and he said the fire engines are coming and that I will pay a fine. I later told him that it wasn't me who called, but I couldn't understand his reply in German.
​
When the firefighters came, who had their full outfits on with masks and everything, we took the stairs and woke up everyone in the process and finally we went to my apartment to see a pot of burnt rice.
​
I was super worried about the fine and made a thread in r/Munich about it but thankfully everyone assured me that there was nothing to paid.
​
Cross Post: \[[https://www.reddit.com/r/Munich/comments/z6lvsr/fire\\\_department\\\_incident/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Munich/comments/z6lvsr/fire\_department\_incident/)\]([https://www.reddit.com/r/Munich/comments/z6lvsr/fire\_department\_incident/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Munich/comments/z6lvsr/fire_department_incident/))
TL;DR: Overcooked some rice, neighbor thought I was sleeping through a fire, got a fire engine crew to see a non-existent fire
Mercurius_Hatter: Every single Asian alive or dead are disappointed about you failure cooking rice properly.
AcrobaticSource3: Yo dat’s racist
Mercurius_Hatter: But rice IS tasty af. Not something you cook at 2AM tho, then you make some fried rice with leftover cold rice!
| 4 | 7 | |
1668194109 | 1668235617 | t3_ysjzyk | t5_2to41 | 269 | Gregory-al-Thor: TIFU by throwing $200 in the trash
My kid was selling popcorn for scouts. 6 weeks ago the orders were due. All we had to do was snap a pic of our order form and send it in. I did that. He sold about $200 worth to a few neighbors and family.
Today I got the email the popcorn is in and we can pick it up and how much we owe. All of a sudden I realized I did not turn the payment in with the order! I have spent the last hour searching for the envelope with the checks. I must have recycled them weeks ago. Here’s the thing - I hate clutter and I am the often the person who cleans the house. I remember the order forms just sitting on the coffee table and I must have thrown them away, thinking with pics of the order forms they were no longer needed. But I completely forgot all the checks that people gave for the orders were in the envelope with the forms. In my vigor for less clutter, I threw $200 in checks away as well.
Though even as I type this, part of me hopes I wasn’t that stupid and the envelope will turn up.
Now I have a decision - do I ask the 7 people to write me new checks for their orders? That’s way too embarrassing. I think I’ll just pay it all out of my pocket, thus essentially gifting my family and neighbors popcorn. If any of them notice the check they wrote six weeks ago was never cashed, I’ll play dumb and say I turned the money in but the scouts lost it.
TL; DR my kid sold $200 worth of popcorn and I accidentally threw all the checks in the garbage.
RyuichiSakuma13: I would apologize and then explain your goofup to those seven people and have them write new checks.
Otherwise, they will be waiting forever for the checks to be cashed and the money taken from their accounts. Plus, they were probably looking forward to the popcorn.
Edit: clarification
Gregory-al-Thor: I’m definitely giving them the popcorn either way.
Slimsaiyan: Remember that checks can be canceled and reissued
Outrager: The fee to stop the check probably costs more than the popcorn though.
angelerulastiel: The stupid popcorn is $25. It’s horrible trying to sell it.
gwaydms: I hate to say it because I think Scouting is great for young people, but that popcorn really isn't very good. But we buy it every year anyway.
Zoinks_like_FUCK: It used to be good, then they kept swapping to worse companies
| 8 | 33.625 | |
1668195476 | 1668226246 | t3_ysknji | t5_2to41 | 835 | [deleted]: Tifu by wearing shorts on a flight
[removed]
gathermewool: From my memories of being young, I don’t think I’ve ever had a wet dream that I didn’t remember. Is it even possible? It’s not called a wet deep sleep event; usually it was the result of a sexual dream.
When was the last time you ejaculated? From personal experience, my wet dreams were drastically reduced when I started having sex and masturbating as a teen.
1000Years0fDeath: Yes, it's possible
gathermewool: What do you mean? Anything is possible of course.
1000Years0fDeath: To not remember a wet dream
gathermewool: Duh, your post was clear, but what are you basing that on?
1000Years0fDeath: My own experience
gathermewool: Then that’s not saying it’s POSSIBLE. You’re saying it’s something you have personally experienced.
Damn, dude, you post like my wife answers questions:
Me: so we need X product while I’m at the store. Our son prefers it.
Her: But we can just use something else.
Me: he doesn’t like those things
Fast forward a few texts….
Her: well, I already bought X product, so don’t worry about it.
Me: :face palm: wtf didn’t you just say, “we don’t need it; we have some?”
Note: my wife is awesome. Her one issue is that she is NOT concise.
P.S. my wife can’t find what she said she had purchased. She either didn’t buy it or doesn’t know where she put it. 😳
1000Years0fDeath: If it happened, then it's possible... Didn't think this concept would be so hard for you to understand
gathermewool: My post asked the question. I made no assumptions.
Your first post said it’s possible. I probed.
Instead of being clear in your first post you waited until I asked you to clarify that your first post meant that it was what you experienced. That’s fine, but now you’re getting defensive for not being clear initially.
1000Years0fDeath: I'm the one getting defensive?
gathermewool: Posts unclear anecdote. Gets asked for clarification on post and responds with, “Didn’t think this concept would be so hard for you to understand”
Implies in next post that they don’t know what “defensive” actually means.
1000Years0fDeath: You: asks question
Me: answers shortly
You: "I don't understand"
Me: elaborates on what I meant
You: "DUH! I knew what you meant I want to know why"
Me: answers
You: "WRONG! Also you talk just like my ditzy wife"
gathermewool: You win. Facts can be changed. Continue on
1000Years0fDeath: Don't tell me what to do
gathermewool: Tell me, “don’t tell me what to do”
1000Years0fDeath: 
gathermewool: 💩
| 18 | 46.388889 | |
1668195330 | 1668268477 | t3_yskl5x | t5_2to41 | 7,236 | shellybug21: TIFU by telling my family I voted to legalize marijuana
Hello! First time poster, obligatory did not happen today but on Tuesday (election day in US)
A bit of background: I (21F) live in Missouri. We voted on Tuesday whether or not to legalize marijuana (it passed). I have a very conservative family that is completely against it. I'm all for it because I smoke on occasion and why not. My parents most definitely do not know this about me.
The FU happened when I was eating dinner with my parents, brother, and a couple extended family members on Tuesday evening. We got to talking about the election and my brother asks me what I voted on Amendment 3 (the marijuana question). Instead of saying no like a good noodle, I said yep I sure did vote yes. The whole table went silent for a sec and just stared at me. My mom breaks the silence by saying "you did WHAT?!" and "did I not raise you right?"
So now my family thinks I'm a delinquent who doesn't care that children will now have easier access to get high.
Edit: I've gotten the question a few times so I'll answer here: my parents do drink but not often at all. Growing up they never kept alcohol in the house and only drank in small quantities at special occasions.
P.s. thanks for the awards!
TL;DR : TIFU by telling my conservative family at dinner I voted to legalize marijuana, resulting in dirty looks and shame.
princealbertnyourcan: Tell them you did it because it will generate tax revenue. If they're super conservative, they should like the idea of stoners paying taxes.
Brew78_18: Also making government smaller, individual/state rights, etc. Frame it as personal freedom - what, are you trying to say you *want* Big Brother in your home?
Deinonychus2012: B-b-but, think of the *children*!!1!!1
*clutches pearls, salutes white Jesus, shoots a minority*
StatisticianLivid710: Funny enough, legalizing it actually makes it harder for children to get it if you do controlled sales. Assuming legal cannabis is good quality and good price. It kills the black market.
the1slyyy: If you think legalizing it will make it harder for kids to get weed I've got a bridge in Brooklyn I'm selling for the low
StatisticianLivid710: Yaaaa, I never smoked weed but could easily get weed any time I wanted in high school. Cutting out the black market is the only way to make it harder to access. Making legal weed accessible cuts out a good number of customers for the black market.
the1slyyy: Does that stop kids from getting alcohol and tobacco?
StatisticianLivid710: Well if there’s no black market they can only get it from adults who can buy it, no real way to stop that. But the easiest way to stop the black market is create a white or grey market to kill their demand.
And realistically, I’d rather have my nephews smoking a bit of weed than drinking.
the1slyyy: All they need is someone of age to buy it for them, which will be easier than ever since it's legal.
You can guarantee there are still going to be dealers in high school and college for underage kids. There are still dealers in Cali and legal states because the taxes are so high it's cheaper to go through the black market
shawner17: Compared to now where they don't need anyone to buy it for them. They just go see the 16 year old wanna be thug, or his much older brother who is actually a thug. Can you see the extra step when its legal? I don't understand people like you.
the1slyyy: You just ignored the whole second part of my statement...
shawner17: No I didn't. The second part is just moronic. "Well we can't get all the bad guys, even though we minimized the overall amount. Might as well just make it illegal again!". Even if that's a problem in California doesn't mean it's like that everywhere. In Canada the black markets took a massive hit because it wasn't profitable for most people after legalization.
the1slyyy: Do kids get alcohol and tobacco now? Yes or no
You're a fool if you think kids won't get weed whether it's legal or not
shawner17: God you're so fucking dense. The point is it's way fucking harder to get both alcohol or tobacco because it's LEGAL. When its illegal, you don't have that filter. They need to be of age or get someone who is to buy it. Kids will always get there hands on stuff they're not suppose too. You can't stop that. You can make it harder and prevent it by legalizing. It's not rocket science.
the1slyyy: You live a sheltered existence if you think it's "way fucking harder" for them to get any of that
shawner17: Well I just sent you 3 links that prove, with science, my point. Show me any evidence of what you're saying being true. Show me some study or paper that refutes it's harder.
Clearly you're an intellectual, so how about this. How about you tell me what we should do then? Make it illegal?
| 17 | 425.647059 | |
1668917651 | 1669059236 | t3_yzut0w | t5_2to41 | 15,992 | ChumChumZel: TIFU by asking my husband for a bowl of nuts with Tobasco on it
I cant believe I'm writing this right now...
A couple of minutes ago I asked my husband a simple favor...to bring me some nuts with Tobasco on it (I am a big fan of Tobasco and we recently bought a good nut mix)
A couple minutes later he walks in laughing with... You guessed it... His nuts in a bowl WITH TOBASCO ON IT.
He initially thinks he is being very funny, but I've been on the subreddit for long enough to know exactly what happens when spicy sauce gets in touch with you no no area and tell him to get in the shower to wash it all off (I'm obviously laughing in complete astonishment, I'm no rock) He claims he is not feeling anything and it's all okay.
A couple of seconds go by and he walks back into the room with a shocked face, telling me it's really bad.
He got in the shower trying to wash it all off and also demanded a bowl of milk to dip them in (I doubt this works but I wasnt going to fight with a man in pain)
At the end somehow I am to blame because "I knew what I was doing when I asked for a bowl of nuts with Tobasco on it".
I promise, I married a smart man but I don't know who this guy is.
I got my actual nuts with Tobasco on it, in a new clean bowl, and eating it as I'm typing this, so all is well again... in my world at least.
TLDR, TIFU for asking my husband to bring me a bowl of the nutmix we just bought with some Tobasco on it and he gave me his nuts with Tobasco on it.
Edit: I want to sincerely apologize to everyone I offended with my misspelling of Tabasco (I will never make this mistake AGAIN) and for my formatting, I hope you feel like your soul can rest in peace now.
Van_GOOOOOUGH: For someone who likes Tabasco sauce so much, you sure spell it strangely.
takatori: I know, it doesn't even sound like "To", how could someone get that wrong if it's their favorite
Nervous_Constant_642: Tabasco and toboggan are the same pronunciation on the first syllable so the letter 'o' or 'a' os fairly interchangeable here when it comes to phonetics.
Sebfofun: Tabasco and toboggan are not said anywhere near the same. One is a state in Mexico, Maya origin, and the other is Micmac.
Source: am Mayan/Canadian
Nervous_Constant_642: I'm Minnesotan. Pretty sure we have the same accent unless you're a Newfie/from the East coast or Quebecois.
Sebfofun: taˈβasko vs tə-ˈbä-gən
very different
Nervous_Constant_642: Tuh-basco, tuh-boggan. Same for me.
Sebfofun: Wtf tuh basco
Nervous_Constant_642: We Americans pronounce it like that every time we win a Stanley Cup.
Sebfofun: You also have very small self confidence if you have to bring a sport you own to prove a pronounciation point lmao
| 11 | 1,453.818182 | |
1669664883 | 1669668126 | t3_z76cno | t5_2to41 | 44 | marswarrior462: TIFU by cutting myself with a paring knife
[removed]
technicolored_dreams: OP, are you seeing anyone for your mental health?
marswarrior462: I did see a counseler and we’ve been working on ways to make sure that I never make mistakes like that again. To be fair, I’ve had a pretty rough year and I do have anger issues from time to time, but that fuck up with the knife was a waking call for me to work on improving my emotional and mental well-being to prevent shit like this from ever happening again. I wasn’t suicidal, I just had a pretty short explosive fuse and it has led to previous fuck ups I regret. Now I’m cautious about even giving into my anger and I dread getting super pissed because that’s when I become the most reckless
technicolored_dreams: I'm glad to hear you are talking to someone and working on yourself. Keep it up! You are worth it!
marswarrior462: Thank you for your support. Hopefully my injury heals up sooner rather than later but the progress is frustratingly slow and I’m seriously afraid I’ll eventually end up with a permanent scar, even if the damage is otherwise fully healed funcionally
| 5 | 8.8 | |
1669666981 | 1669778716 | t3_z77bn1 | t5_2to41 | 59 | sanitizer_boi: TIFU by sanitizing my dick while masturbating
I was telling this story to my friend last night and she encouraged me to share it with the redditors of TIFU. So here we go.
This happened a few months ago. I live with my father and he was out of town due to office work for some days. I had the house all to myself during the night. (You know what this mean.)
I'm a person who enjoys consuming media in lavish ways. Screw watching movies on your mobile. If I'm looking forward to watching something, I would get the highest quality print and play it in our living room TV. The room has some nice lighting which adds to the cinematic experience. For obvious reasons, I cannot do this with porn. But this night was different. I had the whole house to myself. It was middle of the night. I was not expecting any phone calls. There was no chance of getting interrupted while I would do the deed. And so I decided to make the most of my session.
I hooked up laptop to the TV with the HDMI cable, dimmed the room lights and turned on the showcase lights on the TV cabinet. The setup looked beautiful. I got a box of tissues and settled myself on the couch. I decrypted my "homework" folder and played one of my favorite assignments. All is going great.
Now, I'm a person who likes to self-explore. There is much more to masturbation than just having an up & down motion along the shaft. If you're willing to explore and be bold, you can enhance your experience so much, my friends. The video I was enjoying had some light gagging. And I wanted a bit more stimulation. But I had the brains to be aware that I cannot simply just put my fingers in mouth which has been all over my dick. Ew. So I decide to cleanse it. Should I have gone and just wash my hands with water and soap, yes. But no, I went to my bedroom and got a little bottle of alcohol based hand sanitizer. I pour it over my hands. Great, they feel very clean now. But I realize that I would touch my dick again. And that would get my hands dirty again. Mind you, it wasn't like my dick was filthy. I had not showered that day so there was mental barrier of hygiene. So I had this bright idea. Why don't I clean my dick with the sanitizer. It's a very dense liquid but "hey still liquid, so it should also act as bit of lube right" I thought.
I pour the sanitizer over my dick. Since I was already hard, it was easy to pour it over the head. Gravity helped me out in spreading it over. I don't remember if it was me or gravity, but somehow a little bit of the alcohol based sanitizer slipped inside my urethra. There was no immediate reaction. I closed the lid of the sanitizer bottle and got hold of my very clean dick with my very clean hands. And then it started. I felt a tingle inside which disturbed my up & down motion. So I slowed it down. I was so aloof of the fact that the sanitizer could be an issue. After slowing it down the tingle subsided for a moment. I was relieved. And then it came back with a vengeance. It started again with a tingle. I slowed down again. It escalated to mild discomfort. I started thinking what the hell is happening. It increased to a subtle burning sensation. I turned to look at the sanitizer bottle beside me and started putting the pieces together. But it was too late. I stood up suddenly because now the burning sensation was enough to cue my instincts that whatever went inside my dick needs to be washed out. I rushed into the washroom and ran a lot of water over my dick. The pain and burning reduced but the insides of my urethra were still in discomfort. I decided to point the jet spray directly at my dick from the top. The pressurized water spray could cause more problems but luckily it did not. It helped my get some sanitizer out and dilute the remaining. After some 15 minutes of constant washing, I was back to tingling only mode. I dried myself and went back to complete my session because why not.
​
TL;DR I wanted to have a clean dick while masturbating so I poured some sanitizer over it. Ended up running water over my dick for 15 minutes to reduce the burning.
IntroductionTrue5006: Me who uses soap as lube, its not only a great lube but my dick really gets clean after that
Dusty-old-bones: Word of warning: If you keep it up, the skin on your member will get dry and cracked as soap dries out the skin. You'll also at some point get soap in your urethra and have a few days of painful urination until it heals.
It's always better to use a lubricant or lotion unless you're into that sort of thing.
IntroductionTrue5006: But I only use soap before taking a shower so im all clean afterwards and no sign of soap around my d
Alarmed_Scallion_992: Soap still dries it out even if you wash it off... wtf? Just don't...
| 5 | 11.8 | |
1668199701 | 1668203143 | t3_ysmn80 | t5_2to41 | 53 | loveofmylife_21: TIFU by declaring meat at airport security
I recently came home from travelling abroad. The flight back included dinner and a snack, but I wasn't really hungry by the time the snack came around. I asked for a chicken pastry anyway, took a few bites of it, and decided to put the rest in my bag for when I got hungry later.
By the time we landed, it was almost midnight in my timezone, and I was tired and eager to just get home and relax. I hadn't travelled in a while, so it somehow slipped my mind that I still had to get through the border in my home country. Just to set the scene, I was on a full flight and a few other flights landed around the same time, so the lines for security and the area were generally pretty busy.
Eventually, I made my way through the lines and got to a kiosk. As the title of this post may suggest, as I was standing there clicking through the options at the kiosk, I remembered I had the chicken pastry in my bag. I contemplated it for a few moments... I hadn't found myself in this position before... and there was such a small amount of chicken in this pastry... But ultimately, I decided that honesty was the best policy, and I checked the option to say I was bringing meat across the border. The kiosk printed out my ticket, and to the next line I went.
I watched as everyone in front of me had their ticket looked at, marked, and sent on their way to collect their checked luggage. When I got to the front of the line, the Border Services Officer looked at me, looked at my ticket, and then directed me to join a different line instead of being sent on my merry way like the others.
It slowly started to dawn on me that I may have subjected myself to a whole 'nother line and more waiting all over this stupid chicken pastry. A chicken pastry I got from our own country's largest airline, no less.
By the time I got to the front of this line, the officer looked at my ticket and asked what kind of meat I was bringing into the country. I told him "I have a chicken pastry in my bag", and watched as he wrote 'chicken pastry' down on my ticket.
He looked at me kind of funny and said "... that's not meat".
My dumbass then replied "... but it's chicken", hoping the Earth would just swallow me or give me a redo so I would've never clicked 'yes' to meat at that stupid kiosk.
He was a bit hesitant in telling me "that's not allowed", and to save us from the awkward moment, I quickly offered to just get rid of it if he could please throw it out for me. He said yes, he marked my ticket, and off I went to collect my luggage as well.
Overall, I'd say this added maybe 20 - 25 minutes to my waiting time, but it felt like hours standing in front of that plastic barrier, regretting all of my last few choices. I lost my midnight snack that day, and I was mortified over this interaction for days lol.
TL;DR Declared a chicken pastry at customs, had to wait in another line to be questioned, lost said chicken pastry, emotional damage.
Naughtyexperiences: What? How is a chicken pastry not meat? And if it isn't meat. Why was it not allowed?
If it wasnt alowed and you had to throw it out. That means if you did not declare it. And was caught with it. You would have been fined for smuggling contraband
loveofmylife_21: I’m not sure why he said it wasn’t meat. I showed him the pastry, maybe he was expecting people to bring through actual cuts of meat. I actually think I made the situation worse with my “but it’s chicken!”…
Then I panicked when he said it wasn’t allowed and asked him to just throw it out for me. I declared it and think that’s how I ended up in that line to begin with haha. Does that mean I could have kept my chicken pastry?!
Either way, I felt and still feel really stupid about this. I just won’t have any food on me next time!
Naughtyexperiences: If it wasnt allowed. And you were caught not declaring it. That's call smuggling.
| 4 | 13.25 | |
1669668962 | 1669669431 | t3_z788ht | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: TIFU by being nice to strangers
[removed]
JJBUNZZ: What the fuck did I just read
_nitd27_: Exactly what happened to me.
JJBUNZZ: Sure Akshay
| 4 | 1.75 | |
1669671146 | 1669688557 | t3_z799bp | t5_2to41 | 258 | anonloserdude: TIFU by probably outing a colleague
First ever post to Reddit and I've gone anonymous because I'm ashamed.
This happened three days ago, at a work party.
I (31 Male) was drunk, but alcohol isn't an excuse.
I had attended a work party, which by midnight, I, and the majority of the group I was with, where very drunk and walking or stumbling back to a pickup point to our arranged rides home. A gentleman (A) from a different department and team from me, approached and asked me to call my direct colleague (B), as he was sharing a ride home. I dialled the number and just gave him my phone.
B called back and I answered, drunk and started trying to figure out why he'd called, when B said "I don't want you, I want... Oh I can't remember his name" to which I said "Oh, the Gay Guy"
Someone in our group said "The gay guy?" A laughed and said "Yes, I'm gay" and I gave him my phone again to speak to B.
I woke up the next day and felt awful. Firstly I reduced his identity down to his sexuality, secondly I may have even outed him. I can't imagine how he must feel, but I feel awful.
I don't know the dude, he seemed like a good guy, I'm gutted that I've probably upset him.
I've spent the last 3 hours writing an email to HR trying to not sound self deprecating but genuinely apologetic and accepting of the consequences. I couldn't sleep last night, and actually cried relaying the story to my sister.
What am I going to do?
TL;DR I was drunk and made an assumption that a colleague was gay and possibly outed him and used that as my only identification of him.
I'm sorry dude. I'm not that person and I'm gonna try and make it right.
*Edit* Spelling
Update: Thanks for all of the kind words folks! I called him today and explained myself and apologised. He laughed, which is definitely what I hoped for! He'd said he hadn't take offense and that he'd not even given it a second thought.
Huge wave of relief, but still a lesson learnt and not something that'll happen again!
ag9910: I totally understand why you feel so bad and you sound sincere, but based on what you’ve shared he doesn’t sound upset to me. He easily could’ve just said he isn’t gay if he wasn’t comfortable sharing that. Either way, have you gone to him directly to apologize? He’d be able to identify your sincerity more than an email to HR. You may be beating yourself up over nothing. If not, use it as a learning experience
OriginalName483: He also asked for OPs phone to make the call and didn't seem like he was trying to hide it at all. I'm pretty sure A is fine with being recognized as gay.
Though calling him "the gay guy" isn't ideal, it was descriptive in that context for someone you barely know anything about and he doesn't sound bothered.
anonloserdude: I hope he's ok. I would rather he gets a message or call from me and him laughing at me, then him being upset.
aussie_nub: Ask him? Do it privately (and in person) and just be sincere. There's a reasonable chance that he'll be like "it's not a secret."
| 5 | 51.6 | |
1668203135 | 1668356542 | t3_yso4v8 | t5_2to41 | 4,813 | Inevitable_Shirt5044: TIFU Ending up on a Most Wanted list in a county I don’t even live in.
This happened about a month ago, I waited until I had everything straightened out to tell you guys about this.
I (26M) got a huge speeding ticket, and arrested outside of a town in a surrounding county on my Kawasaki Ninja about 11 months ago. The cop was really cool with me, and I ended up having to do court via phone, due to the court’s covid restrictions at the time. It felt convenient for me, considering I didn’t live in that county and didn’t want to drive there.
I made the first two, maybe three court calls the first couple of months, then I forgot one of the court dates and didn’t think of it again until months later when I thought “I wonder what that fine ever was?”, but didn’t really care honestly. I just kept riding my motorcycle everywhere and never had problems.
Well last month is when I get a phone all from my girlfriend while I’m working and she’s telling me that my face is all over Facebook on a Most Wanted list. I told her she shouldn’t be opening those scammy Messenger links and she explained to me that other people have been sending her the screenshots too, from their news feed, asking if that’s actually me. So she sends it to me and, yeah, there’s my mugshot on that county’s Most Wanted list. Right in there for SPEEDING, with 11 other people wanted for assault, robbery, battery, credit card fraud, weapons charges, violation of parole, etc... Shortly after, my friends were sending me screenshots of it too.
So I did what every idiot who is publicly humiliated does, I called my lawyer! He said a warrant had been issued a month before I ended up on the list. He had tried to contact me about my guilty plea through email, it had to be signed. I wanted to ask him why the hell he wouldn’t just call me considering that’s how we had always communicated up until that point, but I just wanted the warrant gone, so I asked him to scan them over to me which he did, and I signed them and scanned them back.
The next day he called me saying the warrant had been pulled and told me how much I owed for fines. I’ve got them paid off now as well, and I’m glad I have the story to tell, but it was definitely one of the most embarrassing things to ever happen to me.
TLDR: I got a huge speeding ticket and arrested 11 months ago. I forgot a court date and 10 months later my girlfriend and friends show me my face on that county’s Most Wanted list, on people’s news feed locally on Facebook. Forced to stop procrastinating, I contacted my lawyer and signed what needed to be signed, and paid my fines.
LeaveNoStonedUnturn: Most wanted list for an unpaid speeding fine? Wow.
Inevitable_Shirt5044: Yeah, my lawyer said it must have been a “slow week” lmao
Revocation_Of_Doubt: you should consider getting a new lawyer... one who doesn't let a warrant sit without lifting the phone
Inevitable_Shirt5044: You get me a better public attorney and I’ll get right on that, judge
nanoatzin: I want to know the country
fienddylan: It's County, unless OP made a typo? Or you made a typo and knew it was county? Misunderception.
nanoatzin: Then I want to know the county
fienddylan: Why not both?
JosephSmash: He said "then" so I reckon he does actually want both.
Kathy_Kamikaze: He Said "then" because "than" would be grammatically incorrect in this case.
JosephSmash: How so? Seems to be the other way around.
Kathy_Kamikaze: You Use "then" If you can interchange it With "in this case" for example or another timing-expression. You Use "than" when you compare for example "i Like xy more than yz". This case was Tricky, so I See your Error. You might say it Like this also: "Then I'd Like to know what county rather than the country".
I Hope my explanation makes Sense to you.
JosephSmash: It does thank you <3
| 14 | 343.785714 | |
1669671014 | 1669674949 | t3_z7970f | t5_2to41 | 32 | MellowRevolution: TIFU by not knowing someone was coming to check the furnace.
So my room has been *really* cold over the past two-ish years and I complained about it all the time during the winter. So my mom finally said they’d get someone in to check it out.
Im nearing the end of the semester right now and my room had gotten incredibly bad due to stress and ADHD. I told my parents I needed some heads up so I could clean up my room in order for the guy to get around and such.
Well today I went to class and when I came home I went to my room and it had been tidied up. Apparently, the guy came today to check the furnace and vents.
I had no warning whatsoever. Not a peep, no one even said what month I could expect, absolutely NOTHING.
First I wondered if my mom had come across anything in my room I didn’t want her to but I didn’t think she did.
I used to be all concerned about hiding my sex toys but then I got really lazy about drying them and putting them away so I started keeping them in my bathroom after I clean them, but I don’t really have any lying around my room. So I thought it was all good.
**I was wrong.**
I guess the guy checked out all the vents.
I went into my bathroom (which was/is also a disaster, not unhygienic, just messy) and the floor had been tidied up as well.
Beside the toilet I have a douche. On the counter I had like four butt plugs, a vibrator, lube, and toy cleaner in very visible places.
I’m mortified.
___
***TL;DR: I wasn’t home when a guy came in to fix furnace and check vents. Went into my bathroom where I had several sex toys lying around in VERY visible spots.***
Lymantria24: This is absolutely your parents FU for not telling you and there is no way that the person who came inside your room can ever connect the sex toys to you, because they never saw your face. Just be sure to not call the same company once you are making your own check ups, because he might recognise your name.
And technically, a healthy sex live is really great and nearly everyone does some sexual things on their own from time to time, so there is not much to be ashamed about. But I understand you are, because it's it's cultural norm to not talk about it
MellowRevolution: Turns out my mom only had an hour notice as well which was after I had already left but yeah hahaha
And tbh talking to my mom about my sex life isn’t exactly comfortable but if it’s about being like safe and shit that’s fine, but I definitely could go my entire life without them knowing about my toys lmao
Kitchen-Arm-3288: >I definitely could go my entire life without them knowing about my toys lmao
Or... apparently... you couldn't!
Oops!
| 4 | 8 | |
1669672178 | 1669705917 | t3_z79qe8 | t5_2to41 | 8,476 | paranoid_razorblade: TIFU by not knowing how to throw out condoms
This happened when I was 15 and just becoming sexually active with my first girlfriend at the time.
Since we were both getting into it, every day where I had the house to my self which was a lot because I lived in 2 houses and whenever one parent was at work we would just go to the other one, we would do it as much as possible which lead to a lot of… garbage.
After we were done I would just throw them in the garbage in my bathroom which I shared with my younger sister. Now this is where the life scarring embarrassment came in.
I must have been doing that for about a month before my mom said she needed to talk to me. Apparently the smell from the condoms could be strongly noticed every time you walked by the bathroom and she had to throw the garbage out herself multiple times.
I myself did notice a smell but for some reason didn’t believe it was the condoms.
Apparently her and my sister were taking out the garbage and one of them even fell on the floor and my innocent sister asked if it was a ballon.
My own mother then told me how to tie them in a knot and wrap them in tissue. She was obviously chill af about it but nothing can compare to the horror of that conversation for me.
TLDR: my mother had to teach me how to throw out condoms because the smell was so bad she noticed
AcrobaticSource3: > I myself did notice a smell but for some reason didn’t believe it was the condoms
You were correct, it wasn’t the condoms (unless you used flavored condoms), it was the jizz
Old-Anywhere-1331: can confirm. i used to cum in cups when i was young and stupider and even after just an hour or two the stench builds up.
somestupidbitch: Yes, but have you tried cumming into a JAR??
stewbert54: This reminds me of the guy that filled a jar and added it to his wife's pancakes everyday. 🤢
squirrelslikenuts: What about the guy with the cum box?
stewbert54: I don't think I read that one.
Ini_Miney_Mimi: lucky :(
It's burned into my memory forever and I don't want it
stewbert54: Hahaha people are fucked
WhatIsThisSorcery03: No, no, that's the coconut.
Majyk44: The one with all the giant cockroaches?
Nightey3s-: Maggots iirc
| 12 | 706.333333 | |
1668205085 | 1668282842 | t3_ysox92 | t5_2to41 | 256 | melimarin20: TIFU by showing two dick pictures to a random stranger at a Museum
To the poor soul, I encountered last Saturday at the MFAH museum. My sincere apologies from the bottom of my heart.
Last week I attended the Philip Guston exhibition with my boyfriend. Ten minutes after arriving, my manfriend gets a call from work. I continued walking around enjoying the art. Moments later I am approached by a random guy; we both were quite intrigued by a piece. We exchanged small talk about it; essentially, he explained how new he was to this museum and was fascinated by the fact an underground tunnel connects three different museums.
Here comes the part where TIFU.
I was very frisky that morning, things got heated, etc. I pulled out my phone and took two pictures of his erect penis. Fast forward to the museum visit. As we continued the tunnel conversation, I remember taking two pictures of such underground tunnel and wanted to be kind to him and show him what he should be expecting to see.
Now you can guess what happened next. My oblivious self forgot about what I had done that morning. I click on the gallery app and all we both saw were those two erect penis pictures on the screen. I wanted to die. I was blushing, my ears hurt, and all that came out of my mouth was "I am so sorry". I couldn't look him in the eyes at this point.
Never in a million years did this poor man nor, I expect to suffer, such an unforgettable and possibly traumatic experience together. Needless to say, I apologized a second time and rushed out of there.
A week has gone by and I am still utterly embarrassed about it. My manfriend jokingly said " welp, at least what he saw, was a work of art" SMH
TL;DR: TIFU by showing two dick pictures to a random stranger at a Museum and possibly ruining his first Houston museum experience forever.
yaknaaa: At least the guy wasn't a dick about it
Higglybiggly: That's no way to "get a head" is it?
SuperDan523: Sounds like OP got the point.
AiR_RoBBiE: Different strokes for different folks, I guess...
| 5 | 51.2 | |
1668203216 | 1668206638 | t3_yso5y7 | t5_2to41 | 24 | One_Ground5972: TIFU by moving into an acquaintances house
So to give you a time-frame this all happened within the first week of living in this house. The actual TIFU occurred during the beginning of the week when I moved in.
We will call my acquaintance Mike. I rented a room in Mikes house for $500 a month. It was a very large and beautiful house with a heated indoor pool. You could fit 15 people in the closet of the room I was renting. The first couple days I was enjoying the place, then the reality of what I had gotten myself into started to quickly unfold.
On the third night Mike and his friend decided to get very drunk. I had work in the morning at 6am. At 2am Mike and his friend decided to bang on my door until I unlocked it and insisted that I take vodka shots. I told them no repeatedly but they stood on the edge of my bed for what must have been a good hour trying to pressure me while I was laying there with my eyes closed trying to sleep. “Cmon just take a shot, cmon! “Let’s do some shots!” I eventually snapped and yelled at them to get the hell out. I ended up being late the next morning for work.
Upon returning from work I found my bong shattered on the ground in my room, which had been locked. Turns out Mike had a key and helped himself to my bong which he accidentally broke. He said sorry.
Later on I made a VERY large dish of my baked spaghetti that I was going to eat for lunch the next few days. His mom who lived downstairs in this mansion saw me making it and I told her to help herself to a plate if she would like. When I returned later to get some spaghetti the ENTIRE dish was gone. She ate enough servings for at least 7 people.
That same night, Mike invited over some of his “friends” to drink around the pool. I spent a little time swimming and had a couple drinks with them. Once they were ready to head out one of them realized his $800 iPhone was missing. They looked around the pool but could not find it. I had some of the people in my room for a short time prior and had offered that they could look in my room while I watched. Dumb mistake by me because I didn’t watch good enough and got $200 cash taken from my wallet in my nightstand. I later leaned that Mike had stolen their iPhone. I assume they thought I had stolen the phone.
The very following morning I went to head to work and discovered the back window of my car had been busted out with glass everywhere. It was parked in his driveway. I later learned that these were different people who had nothing to do with his friends last night. This was someone else he pissed off who saw my car in his driveway and smashed my window with a baseball bat at 3am in the morning.
I ended up being late to work again which resulted in me being FIRED. Mike of course apologized being the great roommate he was.
I promptly told Mike this isn’t working out and listed my reasons. Of course he didn’t want to refund so I lost that money as well.
I should have gotten to know Mike a little bit better before moving in, yes I know. I’ve learned a lot from this mistake.
TL;DR - Rented a room in an acquaintances home and got drunkenly harassed to drink while trying to sleep, my room broken into and bong broken, all of my spaghetti eaten, $200 stolen from me and my car window being smashed by a baseball bat. Lost my job as well, all within the first week.
NerdlyDoRight: Relax! Smoke a bowl. Or eat a plate of spaghetti
grumpapuss15: Mike found your post!
| 3 | 8 | |
1668197612 | 1668221806 | t3_yslnjk | t5_2to41 | 13 | soapydoakie: TIFU by getting on the wrong bus
Disclaimer: nothing particularly dramatic or exciting, just had a bad day.
I had the most shit day. It all started when I ignored my alarm at 6am. I’m a sophomore and I live about an 1hr away from my university, but my commute takes around 1.5 hours. Keep in mind that I had a class at 9:15.
Obviously, I was stressed as hell when I finally woke up at 7. I got ready as fast as I could and got out of the house in about 30 minutes. However, my commute isn’t exactly easy so I’ll explain the gist of it:
- It takes about 15 minutes to walk out of my gated community. I assumed that I could just run and make it in 10. I could not.
-It takes around another 25 minutes to get to the actual bus stop, and I walk about 3/4 the distance.
NOW HERES THE BUS PART. I only took this before bus once and I was confident that I got the right one that would head directly to the ave. my school was at. I didn’t. The conductor told me that I would have to take a different bus when we stopped at the main terminal. It was already 8:45 at this point. That’s fine. I could be late for this class. Yes I needed the grade and I’m behind but that’s ok. It’s fine.
The second bus sucked balls. While sitting alone, I was approached by a lady trying to sell me something. I promptly refused but she kept insisting. This insisting turned into loud sobbing in my face with her grabbing my arm. She was crying like how my little cousins cry: all wailing but no tears. I’m a 5ft girl and my only defense was a safety alarm which I was holding on to for dear life. She was touching my arm and screaming into my ears so loud I honestly thought I was going to lose my hearing. She was forced off the bus but my day didn’t end there.
This bus was overcrowded, people wouldn’t let me pass and I ended up missing my stop. I had to walk back about 3 blocks just to make it to campus, and I was already a sobbing mess. I was also late for my second class. I ended up having a (quiet) meltdown on the sidewalk with snot getting in my mask (I forgot to bring an extra).
When I got to campus I still didn’t stop crying. I ended up finishing my sob session in a bathroom stall somewhere so I ended up skipping another class. Unfortunately, since I was a burnt-out emotional mess, I kept crying on and off for the rest of the day. For the smallest reasons. BTS’s “Permission to Dance” played for two hours straight (back to back) during my dance elective and it pissed me off so much that I cried.
After literally sobbing all the fluids out of me, I ended up getting a migraine due to dehydration. So wasn’t able to finish my paper on time and now I have another backlog. The end.
TL;DR: I got on the wrong bus and got harassed for not buying a product, which caused me to cry my heart out and get a migraine from dehydration.
Sixskinner: Unfortunate how one thing spiraled into this huge cataclysmic disaster. Praying you have a good day in the future.
soapydoakie: Praying that the future is NOW 😭
Sixskinner: I'm praying that it'll happen now dw
| 4 | 3.25 | |
1668207679 | 1668220531 | t3_yspy8p | t5_2to41 | 78 | rabbitt-we: TIFU Ep 70! Waiting at the vet
rabbitt-we: Hellooo everyone! Welcome to tifu. For episode 70 we’ll be playing a game of truth or truth. Rules are simple, we’re playing truth or dare without the dare. If you have a fuck up you want to share, we can stop the game to hear it!
- make sure you direct the question you have to one person on the panel to avoid people talking over one another
- Don’t criminalise yourself
- If people listening have a question they’d like to share please do! Reply to this comment.
PsyAkemi: Happy cake day!! 🥳🎂
rabbitt-we: Thank youu 🥰
| 4 | 19.5 | |
1669676614 | 1669687133 | t3_z7br4x | t5_2to41 | 20,930 | throwaway13845827: TIFU by shaving my pubic hair for the first time in my entire life.
I (19M) shaved my pubic hair for the first time. During my teenage years I got scared and thought that I would mess up and cut myself bad. That fear persisted until now.
It was a forest down there, only the top of the head was visible and it was an extreme bother. I said "fuck it" and just did it.
I cut it with scissors first, to make it easier. Then I applied shaving gel and shaved it with a new razor.
It took very long but most of it was gone, all that was left was a few strands and tiny specks all over. Here's where the problems comes in.
It's itchy all the damn time. No matter what I do it's so goddamn itchy. I've tried shaving the tiny specks but they won't come out. This makes both my classes and my time I spend with my family so uncomfortable as I always have the urge to itch my fucking balls. I shaved with the grain, and I don't know what I did wrong exactly. I regret it so much as it's so much worse than when I had an entire ecosystem down there.
TL;DR: I shaved my balls for the first time ever at 19, ended up getting balls that are always itchy.
Jicand: You irritated the skin when you shaved it. It is completely normal.
This will happen the first few times you shave, until your body gets used to it. Shave gel (no menthol or alcohol) helps. Try taking antihistamines as well, though I can’t speak to the effectiveness of them for it.
Reddit-username_here: This one. I can't believe no one else has mentioned this. It will stop itching after a few times. But those first few are pretty brutal lol.
skittlzz_23: Not if you're unlucky, I can't even shave legs without looking like I've been attacked by angry bees and I'm 31... my body never got used to it.
Reddit-username_here: Dang. You must have some sensitive skin 😥
skittlzz_23: Unfortunately yeah. I never used to but around 24 / 25 it started getting really sensitive. Even when it wasn't sensitive shaving always caused itching though! Soaps and shaving creams helped, moisturizing after helps the most, but nothing ever stopped it. Waxing is a nightmare too. I can use the hair removal creams but they stink so bad and I still get a mild reaction.
Reddit-username_here: Ohhh, wait! Isn't there a tick or something that cause you have new skin issues or something?
skittlzz_23: We don't have many ticks in my country, and the ones we do have don't cause issues like that. Tbh I think it was always bound to happen, I also randomly grow scar tissue, and get keloid scars from real wounds so I'm thinking there's more to it
Reddit-username_here: Ah, well, at least you're lucky enough to not have to deal with fucking ticks! I hate those bastards!
skittlzz_23: Yeah I've seen a lot of things about them over the years and I would HATE to have things like that here! We're really lucky in NZ
Reddit-username_here: My wife sooooo wants to move to NZ lol.
skittlzz_23: It's a great place to live. Main cities are expensive, I live in Auckland and ooooh boy it's spendy, even on a global scale, but honestly it's pretty amazing here. If you ever do consider jumping on the wife's bandwagon I'd absolutely recommend it
Reddit-username_here: 😁
| 13 | 1,610 | |
1669678326 | 1669679543 | t3_z7cihv | t5_2to41 | 0 | [deleted]: TIFU by ruining a relationship and being an asshole
[deleted]
BeAwaretv: Look up borderline personality disorder. This behavior seems to match it almost perfectly. You're only 14, there will be other girls and other situations like this in the future and if you don't get a good grip on your emotions early, itll lead to a life of repeat situations where it seems like you always fuck things up because you're afraid of being alone. It sucks because it'll feel like you're alone, strictly because you're afraid of being alone.
Dull-Boss-7061: Thank you very much for your advice and im sorry again fir my unacceptable behaviour
| 3 | 0 | |
1669683992 | 1669692809 | t3_z7etxz | t5_2to41 | 237 | Nice-Violinist-6395: TIFU by not poking around under the hood
(*This is a very lighthearted tifu, but I think it’s pretty funny:*)
I used to have a 20+ year old Corolla. Great car, a hundred thousand miles with zero problems - until I got rear-ended, and insurance replaced it with technically the same make and model of car, but shittier in every way, literally falling apart. This car broke down quite often, and every single time, I would do what every ‘relatable’ sitcom character does: get out a flashlight, and aimlessly poke around under the hood.
Over the course of the next decade, dozens and dozens of times opening the hood and poking around, I never, *ever* fixed my car, because of course you can’t. It’s never anything obvious that can be easily and satisfyingly fixed by poking around. It always, without fail, requires at least $300 and 3 days in the shop, right?
So, when I got a new car, I picked a Corolla, but bought it from a dealership, with the big warranty and all that. And shit, I have to say, I might as well be driving a Rolls-Royce.
The car has worked brilliantly, without a single issue, and I’ve maintained it meticulously. Then, this past weekend, I left it parked on the street outside for four days because of Thanksgiving, and when my gf tried to start it yesterday, the engine wouldn’t turn over. The lights and a/c worked, but everything else sputtered out. Shit.
I popped the hood after this first-malfunction-in-the-new-car, and after unsuccessfully trying to jumpstart it, I glanced around the engine for about five seconds. Then I thought “fuck this, I’m calling the service.” Why? Because *I had evolved.* No longer was I going to be the putz who spends an hour poking on shit under the hood to no avail.
So I call, and we have to wait around all day for the tow guy. It’s tough on Thanksgiving Sunday, I totally get it, I feel bad. When he gets here, before he loads it on the tow truck, my gf asks him to poke around for a second. Yeah, sure, knock yourself out, buddy! I have absolutely no doubt how this is going to play out: with an “I got no idea,” and a towed vehicle, and a service call from the dealership in a few days with some bizarre problem.
Still, I get out of his way as he pokes around under the hood with a flashlight. Within 60 seconds, he pulls something out and I hear my gf say: “is that a fucking paper towel?”
I walk back over. He had pulled out a wad of used paper towels from deep under the hood, between the engine and battery.
Well, shit, might as well try to start the car one more time, right? I mean, there’s no way it’s actually a fucking paper towel, although that would be so great…
So I turn the key. **The car revs to life.** It’s now running perfectly.
It was, in fact, the fucking paper towel.
How did it get in there? A burrowing squirrel over the weekend, a technician months ago, who knows… But all today I’ve been intermittently laughing my ass off because oh my god, car trouble is *never ever* something as simple as a random paper towel being lodged somewhere under the hood, right? You always hope it will be, which is why you always pointlessly check and fail miserably. Still, that naive hope is what drives you: that you, a manly master of machine and universe, can poke around with a flashlight and pull out something weird, or re-attach a screw, and your car will magically come back to life, making you look like a genius.
But it never happens. Never.
Except for today — which is, of course, because I (a mortal man) thought I had finally outsmarted fate, and therefore didn’t bother to pay my respects to the karmic steward of 21st century performative car manliness by poking around the hood for absolutely no fucking reason whatsoever.
Let this be a lesson to us all.
TLDR: (TL;DR?) car wouldn’t start. Decided not to poke around under the hood. Spent all day waiting for the tow guy on a holiday weekend, who poked around the hood for 60 seconds and fixed it by pulling out a paper towel
dustyrags: Last week I drove to the hardware store late on a long day, did my business, came back out to my truck… and it wouldn’t drive. Started, could shift into gear, clutch felt fine, but absolutely no go.
So I called AAA. Annnnnnd my policy was expired. 40 minutes of dicking around on hold later, i called a tow truck. It’d be an hour, but at that point I was so exhausted I didn’t even care.
Now, this isn’t a new truck- it’s a 2003 Tacoma with 270+ miles on it thst I picked up a couple of months ago, but my mechanic proclaimed it in excellent health not four weeks ago, so having it fail so utterly and so suddenly the day before thanksgiving mid-move (oh, yeah- I was supposed to move on Sunday, and use this truck to two a trailer 485 miles) was just a kick in the nuts.
So I sat there and waited. At least I got to relax a little… and then I got to thinking: clutch feels fine… absolutely no motion… so it’s not a bad clutch. Or clutch cylinder. Transmissions usually go slowly or spectacularly, not usually while you’re parked at Home Depot… so I got out and pushed the truck a couple feet to see if it was some miss aligned cogs or some shit in the transmission… nope.
Shit, the drive shaft? Maybe it was rusted out and finally gave up the ghost? Or someone stole it or god knows what…?
Fuck it, I drop it in 4 wheel drive, maybe I’ve got front wheels? Nothing…
But while where here, maybe it’s the transfer case? Maybe low range works…?
IT WORKED! Quick, try high range! WORKING! 2 wheel drive?? WORKING TOO!!
I drove home, utterly pleased with myself, but still no clue *how* I’d fixed it. The next day at thanksgiving I was regaling my dad with the saga of last night, and it hit me: I’d bumped the transfer case stick. It had been in neutral. I could put the main shifter in gear as much as I wanted, as long as the transfer case was in neutral, I wasn’t moving. Lesson learned…
…except I did THIS EXACT THING 16 years before, in another truck.
insufferableninja: Did you remember to cancel the tow truck?
dustyrags: Oh, of course I did! It was going to take an hour, but 6 minutes after I called them I figured it out, and 7 minutes after I called them they called me to say the truck was almost there.
The ONE TIME the damn tow truck shows up quick…
sudo999: AAA only pays them if they actually send someone out. They probably got the call, said "Oh, but we already sent someone!" to get their payout, and immediately notified you that they were sending someone.
dustyrags: Nope, I canceled after they called me.
| 6 | 39.5 | |
1668217381 | 1668340990 | t3_ystckj | t5_2to41 | 74 | KornPuf: TIFU by putting my debit card in my pocket
Didn't happen today, but the past month
I was at a store getting ready to pay when my coworker offered to pay for my things. It was a kind gesture, and i accepted, and put away my card. All is well, and i get back in my car to go home.
Forward word, I have some memory problems due to an illness, so i forget things very easily. this is important.
Fast forward a few days and i'm going to buy a drink from a vending machine. I open my wallet to find my card isn't in there. _oh shit._ I go frantically searching every pocket, bag, and anywhere my card could be. I came to the conclusion that my card was either stolen, or my coworker accidentally took it. I open my banking app and see that there was a transaction total of about $80 from the past day. My card was being used somewhere.
I file a statement at my bank that someone has my card and is spending money. They say okay, close the card, and put me on hold for customer services. After an hour of waiting they finally call me and i'm filing for fraud. They credit me the $80 that was stolen, and ship me a new number and card.
Now, my washer dryer is broken, so i take my laundry to my grandma's. This is very important.
I'm sitting and painting when i get a call from my grandmother. I pick up and she's reading me my credit card details. I sit there, confused as fuck. I ask her how she got my credit card details, and she says "Well, it's here in my hand. I pulled it out of the washer." I'm wondering how my stolen credit card, that has transactions i know weren't mine, could have been pulled out of the washer. Then it dawned on me, i put my card in my pocket instead of my wallet. The money that was transactioned was my doing, but i have no memory of doing so. Meaning, the money the bank credit back to me meant i frauded myself (does that even work?) and got everything i bought accidentally for free. $80 worth. FML.
tl/dr, I put my credit card in my pocket, thought someone stole it, and accidentally bought $80 worth of stuff for free
Revocation_Of_Doubt: Buddy, you might want to consider seeing a doctor...
forgetting where you put your card is one thing.. but forgetting you also spent money at a place like 1 day ago?
time for you to be in a safe environment with locks on the outside
sunnysparklesmile: For 5 years I worked at a company where i took customer calls for like 40 different banks
The amount. Of people. Who *cannot* for their *life*. Recount a *single* transaction they made in the last day or two - hell, in the last 6 hours - is absolutely mind boggling.
Revocation_Of_Doubt: Imagine the average person... And then remember that 50% of people are stupider than them.
I believe you.
sunnysparklesmile: The more astounding part was when it was someone who called their bank frequently (every contact made is logged). Like..... They call enough to know we are going to ask them for this information. It is not a trick or surprise question. And they still will react with surprise, confusion, hemming and hawing, sometimes (often) even annoyance, instead of any semblance of preparation.
It was one thing when it was an older customer - you could ease your rage with the thought that they just weren't 100% functioning. But anytime it was someone under 40 I wanted to induce an aneurysm in myself.
Revocation_Of_Doubt: I worked tech support and am familiar with PEBCAK issues so I feel your pain.
wtfwfm: What's PEBCAK?
Revocation_Of_Doubt: Problem Exists Between Chair And Keyboard
sirc314: I like PICNIC better. Problem In Chair, Not In Computer.
Revocation_Of_Doubt: Same effect, gotta rotate the error codes so the id-10-ts don't catch on.
| 10 | 7.4 | |
1668220184 | 1668220704 | t3_ysu8jb | t5_2to41 | 12 | [deleted]: TIFU asked my ex-crush out. Warning: im in a right pickle
[deleted]
Eraevn: Go on a couple dates, and if it's not there it's not there. Then you can let them know that it's not really working and you all can move along.
Sixskinner: Oh that's pretty condensed and simple. Thank you, it's like this made it so clear. I think I will do this. I think this is all the moving forward I'll do.
| 3 | 4 | |
1669685179 | 1669689356 | t3_z7f9xy | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU by eating a freshly baked dinner roll before work.
[deleted]
adenoidsremoved: you should roll up all the bills in your wallet/purse and let people see
and then walk around sniffing intermittently
😆
Luxeru: I might as well have. (・o・)
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1668221267 | 1668256487 | t3_ysukve | t5_2to41 | 24 | roselia4812: TIFU by eating 2 week old leftovers
First time posting on this sub, so here it goes!
I (21F) am a college student who has never lived off campus before until I reached my senior year this year. And so with that, I have no meal plan now. So I planned to eat takeout once a month and do grocery shopping once a month, because carrying food to my apartment is hard and busing is unreliable. Also it saves me money. I pay around $150 on food a month. So when I ordered takeout, I would eat it once every other day, and my grocery food the days I don’t eat takeout. I store all my food in the communal fridge in my apartment except for the designated frozen meals, which are for the freezer. Both sets of food would last for 2 weeks.
This leads to my fuck up. I ordered a large of chicken and broccoli, two pints of rice, 6 steamed dumplings, two eggrolls, and a tray of shrimp lo mein on Oct 30th. It is Nov 11th now. I ate the last of the chicken and broccoli with half a pint of the rice for dinner. All from the fridge. Tasted good for leftovers. My mom (44F) who is a respiratory therapist called in to check in on me. The conversation was normal until she asked me what I ate for dinner. I said I ate chicken and broccoli. She asked when I ordered it. So I said 2 weeks ago. And she went on a rampage about me eating dogshit and to just throw away the food. But I was confused as we keep leftovers all the time at home. But she then stated that as a family of 6, leftovers get finished quickly, she does throw out bad food, and that she freezes all the soups and stews that last longer than 4 days. She said to look it up as it would verify her claims. I said that I was fine and my stomach is fine so I then said my goodbyes and ended the call.
Well I looked up about leftovers from the FDA and lol, I have to throw food out past a week if it is in the fridge. My stomach also became more gassy as I was reading on this. Hopefully that is just a mental thing.
TL;DR: Ate 2 week old takeout every month without realizing the dangers. Mom was furious about it. Might explain my stomach problems.
Bubbagumpredditor: I learned the hard way you can't eat a hotdog that's been put on the cold grill all night, even if you heat it to burnt.
I think I gave myself cholera.
lashnificent: My sincere thanks for sharing because that didn’t sound half bad to me till the last sentence. Natural selection is aiming for me too.
Hope ur cholera is treated
Bubbagumpredditor: My butthole never spoke to me again.
| 4 | 6 | |
1669688399 | 1669758303 | t3_z7gibv | t5_2to41 | 24 | [deleted]: TIFU by not taking my time while manscaping
This happened a few years ago. I had been talking to this chick for a few weeks now. We made plans one weekend and were finally gonna hookup. She had mentioned before how she likes a clean shave down there, something i never did before. I decided to try it, see how it looks. So its the night we're going out, im running late. I told myself to be patient and take my time. I started out with scizzors, just a few minutes into it i lose my patience. So i started going faster and ended up cutting into my ballsack. It hurt like a mf, it bled so i jumped in the shower. By the time i was done it wasnt bleeding so much. I was able to finish the job. We went out and smashed at the end of the night. I told her about it in the morning and we laughed.
TLDR i was in a rush while manscaping and cut my ballsack before a date. Be patient and take your time
Lord_Jefe: I did the same, so after a few months, I tried naïr, which was more painful. Go to google & find nail & waxing salons, call them & ask if they take males & how much is it. And if you’re afraid you’ll get an erection, the esthetician will not only be used to it, but appreciate it as it makes it easier to wax the weeds climbing the tree.
I did it for around 2 years. It hurts less than the nair, or sweating on your sack with an open cut. I only stopped due to the $.
And before anyone cracks jokes about “The 40 Year Old Virgin” the only thing I ever had pain while waxing was my back, & it hurt too bad to continue. The bald professor & his 2 grad students hurt far less. Also - get your crack done too. It makes wiping your ass after pooping effortless.
Hewhohasnoname1: >Also - get your crack done too. It makes wiping your ass after pooping effortless.
🤔💡
Lord_Jefe: I don’t know about you, but I have a hairy ass. It’s not too bad to get done, but over the summer, with a dude wipe (mint chill) and your mood will change.
Hewhohasnoname1: I love dude wipes
| 5 | 4.8 | |
1668221783 | 1668300091 | t3_ysuqh1 | t5_2to41 | -5 | ComputedRocket: TIFU by making my wife regret making a post here.
This sounds like a troll but I am actually the husband in [this story.](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/ys50f2/tifu_by_not_showering_before_sex/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
After she and I finished having sex she was in the bathroom for awhile and I was wondering why she was in there so long but this isn't abnormal so I wasn't concerned. (She gets distracted on TikTok or a game pretty often) When she finally finishes up she tells me about this reddit post she just "read" and proceeds to read it to me. Once she is done I start talking about how it reminds me of the time I ate out a mutual ex of ours and almost threw up because there was so much lint it gave me the texture of wet sand. We then spend the next 10ish minutes discussing it. Fast forward to just a few minutes ago and my wife says "oh no", "what is it?" I ask and she tells me something she regrets posting has almost 60K views. She's too embarrassed to tell me outright what it is, just that it wasn't nudes or a video or anything. She says if I think about it I'll figure it out. I come to this post and look at her as she starts putting her head in my chest and playfully whining.
In all seriousness, I really don't care, we've both come to the conclusion that there's a lot wrong with that ex and one of those was an actual lack of self hygiene. My wife is the best ever, I want to say more but it's really as simple as that and this isn't really the place for that anyway.
TLDR Wife made a post involving a lint ball and told me about it in the third person to test my reaction and I proceed to remind her of a terrible experience I had involving lint.
Navin187: Dude, if you GF spends major time after sex in the bathroom, you did not make her cum. Shes probably rubbing her clit and watching some BBC destroy something 
throawayacct1314: Actually nah, I just have adhd and get distracted easily lmao
ardentArcane: when the TVtropes effect struck again
| 4 | -1.25 | |
1668225094 | 1668225945 | t3_ysvrfq | t5_2to41 | 2 | [deleted]: TIFU By triggering my niece's PTSD
[deleted]
kwyl: Doesn't really sound like a legit trigger or actual ptsd to me. Sounds more like an unpredictable 14 yr old girl in a mood. All those puberty hormones swimming around. She probably doesn't even know why she had the bad reaction herself. Leave or stay but don't make her reaction be the reason you do what you do. If she really has ptsd and is triggerable she certainly doesn't need to feel responsible for a decision an adult makes.
niceaccount4comment: Trust me
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1668224133 | 1668230545 | t3_ysvh0e | t5_2to41 | 6 | turtlehermit1991: tifu by chasing a hit and run.
Stopped waiting in traffic today in the rain and some decided to pop into reverse and back into me. They then sped off. I chased them and called police with plate number. I honestly should have just stopped once I had the info and made a report. But I was pissed and not thinking straight. Due to the road I was on apparently the state police had to be the one to take my complaint so as I'm juggling the phone and a high speed chase through town a car got between me and the vehicle I was chasing. I passed the car and as I was passing vehicle I was chasing made a hard right down a side street. I attempted to make the turn without getting rear ended by the person I had just passed. Avoided being rear ended but didn't make the turn. Hydroplaned into a curb. Bent a tie rod and control arm in my suspension. Maybe worse. Person got away and then and only then was I finally able to be transfered to state police. They show up. And it's basically I get a ticket and they report the hit and run. (Very little damage btw sounded alot worse than it was) or we just let it go and file it on my insurance. I have full coverage but not sure if they'll pay since no accident report was filed.
Tldr; chased someone who hit me. Wrecked my car and avoided a ticket but wasn't thinking at the time about needing an accident report. Person got away scot free. All I had to do was stop. My own stupidity.
Chaos-Pand4: Fast and Furious has damaged our society beyond repair. Y’all think you can just drift around corners as easily as you pick your nose.
turtlehermit1991: Lmao nah man. I was just to pissed off. Car turned and I just reacted. Dumbest thing I've ever done.
Chaos-Pand4: You just read the plate aloud for your dashcam and then go to McDonald’s. For future reference.
turtlehermit1991: Definitely investing in one after tonight.
| 5 | 1.2 | |
1669685553 | 1669747018 | t3_z7fexq | t5_2to41 | 98 | Okepolo: TIFU by not taking the qtip out of my ear
I’ve (30m) been growing out my hair for the better part of the year whereas normally I keep it short(relevant later trust me). This morning, I went to go clean my ears with a qtip as I normally do every so often and when I went to put it in I hit hair. This is where I fu’d. Instead of putting the qtip down on the counter, I just pushed it in my ear so it’d stay there while I moved the hair out of the way. Sadly my big paw jammed the qtip even further as I went to push my hair back. Immediately cried out in pain and fell to the floor. The agony I tell you!!! Once I’m able to get up I put my finger in and sure enough there’s blood on it. Waited for my doctor to open up and went in sure enough they said I have blood still built up and they can see lots of damage. Follow up with an expert Friday morning, fingers crossed I didn’t do anything permanent. In the meantime I’m stuck with pain meds, ear drops, and wondering if I should stop growing my hair
TL;DR pushed qtip in ear, much blood, much pain waiting for expert
ETA: went to expert yesterday. Doc said I def had made a hole but luckily it’s healed! Now I just have to go back in 2 mos to make sure the blood clot behind the healed hole goes away. Big lesson, don’t stick qtips in your ear! Just use them to clean the bowl of your ear(doc said that’s where your ear will push all the bad gunk to)
NerdHerder77: Your first mistake is sticking anything in your ear other than ear buds. Ears are self-cleaning. As long as you get the outer cup and lobes clean with soap and water 4-7 times a week, you need not touch the inside.
Fairyhaven13: That's not the case for everyone. My ears produce an overabundance of wax and I either have to use professional ear cleaning kits or get them flushed by doctors regularly. I used an earspoon for the first time a few weeks ago (gently!) and pulled out a centimeter of wax. It was like my ears turned the volume up.
Glittering-Hurricane: Same. I've had to go to the doctor to have my ears washed at least once per year since I was a little kid. It used to scare me so much. But the feeling of suddenly being able to hear every tiny little sound again was wonderful every time, and the first time I remember thinking "did clothes really make this much noise when I moved?"
| 4 | 24.5 | |
1668229126 | 1668262987 | t3_yswzk7 | t5_2to41 | 11 | memester1987: TIFU by not caring about someone's death
The title is pretty self explanatory but let me explain. This is all happened today. For some background, two people who went to our school had died a few months ago and it was tragic. Another person died later this week. My friend posted on their snap story wishing happy birthday to one of the deceased people. I happen to see this post and show it to my friend sitting next to me in class. He said how sad it is and this is where I fucked up and said, "It's not that big of a deal." This shocked my friend and a few people around. I didn't mean to say it like and I'm not good against confrontation so I just began to double down and continued saying how it's not a big deal that there dead. This caused my friend to get angry and began to yell at me how heartless I am and I just panicked and doubled down again saying how nobodies lives matter. Thankfully class was over and I just packed my stuff and left. I deeply regretted saying that as soon as I left the class and I wished I could just take it back. It's gonna be awkward as soon as we return to school and I just want to make him forget what I said.
TL ; DR I fucked up because I said 3 people dying don't matter and I wish I could take it back.
peepeehamn: Hey so, I'm gonna go ahead and say that I've thought about this a lot. This concept of value and how it relates or applies to life. I'm gonna side with you that life does not inherently house value, and when people die, it doesn't matter, not on a grand universal scale.
So don't try and adopt other peoples ideology that life is precious if you don't believe that. What you *do* want to do is grasp that humans have brain chemicals that are real. Feelings are real. A lot of people have strong feelings that you'll never relate to or truly understand on an intrinsic level. What you *can* do is intellectually wrap your head around the feelings of others and realize that in your immediate circle, things do matter. Life might be meaningless, but if your friend thinks life is meaningful, then him hearing you disparage it will be meaningful to him as well, but negatively so.
So, don't try and force yourself to adopt the viewpoints of others. Simply observe and understand those around you, and curtail your words so as not to create uncomfortable situations. It's okay if what they believe is "wrong" to you, because their reactions to your words are also *real*, and unless you're in a conversational space to discuss these things in an objective manner, it's better to let it be.
memester1987: Well I forgot to Include how I went on a short rant on how I don't care about anything or anyone including those close to me and my friend was close to me so notlw that I think about it. I likely stricked a nerve
peepeehamn: Yeah I get you man, I really do. Thing is, you got cornered and spouted what came to mind first, which was while you were stuck in a mode of defensiveness of your ideals which you likely only realized in the last year or two of your life, so you hold them close, but the fact that your wrote all this means you do care. It's a lot to process. It's confusing because you also don't care.
Weird fact: we can both care and not care about things at almost the same time, because our brains store things in different places and also our concept of "caring about stuff" changes based on our chemical balance which is affected by everything from diet to exercise to weather to stress and so on. Caring about stuff or people or whatever is fluid as fuck.
I don't know your friend. So how your make up is on you, but understanding yourself and what is real and what isn't is the first step to figuring that out. Your friendship is possibly very real, and if your friend is a real friend, he will hear you. Talk later when you're calm, and I do recommend apologizing.
The ideas you and I carry about life and death are unpopular and we have to work with those around us who disagree, and also see their side. Maybe you wonder "why can't they see *our* side" but the answer is deeply rooted in things like culture and upbringing that have far deeper ties than any lecture we could give. Good luck out there. Humans are weird.
Navin187: The thing is: why keep doubling down whilst knowing you are hurting the other party? In this case the party seems to be a friend for whom he cares, else he wouldnt mind the situation. I know people who keep doubling down while they dont even know their facts, they just want to press their opinion above everyone elses, even when they know they are in the wrong, they would still "double down"...
My advice is to listen more, take a pause, try to actually listen what the other has/had to say and evaluate it before spamming out words of which you did not even mean to say. It will only lead up to regrets.
peepeehamn: I never said he should double down. I'm trying to tell him it's okay to feel how he feels but he has to understand others as well, and if he wants to express *his* side of things, then he needs to do it at an appropriate time and maybe not when people are grieving.
| 6 | 1.833333 | |
1668229084 | 1668584849 | t3_yswz39 | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU by not controlling my anger at work.
[deleted]
Important_Sprinkles9: You hopefully didn't decompose, but also unless someone complains, you're probably fine. Try to distract yourself a little until you've completed another shift and seen the outcome.
NorthernWriter90: I corrected my post as I meant to say decompressed.
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1669692800 | 1669742325 | t3_z7i5pj | t5_2to41 | 28 | MeggieAC: TIFU by nearly burning the house down while making a grilled cheese sandwich
First, if this isn't the right place for this, please kindly let me know. I can't really blurt this to any friends and need someone to know my ridiculousness.
Let me preface this by saying that I'm doing this from my active main account because people that know me will not at all be surprised by this.
Background: I am a married stay at home mother to a three year old and a one year old. Being a parent is exhausting but I feel like I've got a decent grip on things, most of the time. I grew up in a household that did not cook. A normal dinner was an over baked, unseasoned chicken breast and an unwashed microwaved baked potato. No disrespect to people who like that, I just wanted to make better, tastier meals for my kids.
I've always wanted to be a good cook. My dream is to make a meal and have my husband say after taking his first bite, "Holy shit! This is delicious!!!" and do that eyes-rolling-into-back-of-head thing. In the over ten years we've been together, that has not happened. I try, I really do. I look up recipes and try new dishes and different things but somehow it always just turns out meh. Or I make a huge, laughable mistake and the food is terrible (did you know cumin and cinnamon come in similar looking containers? I didn't. Until I made homemade taco seasoning with cinnamon). My husband, who is amazing, almost always eats whatever I make, even the cinnamon tacos. I appreciate that he makes the effort to eat what I cook, I just want to wow him!
This leads to the TIFU. Our whole family has been fighting a cold since my oldest started school a few weeks ago. I thought some grilled cheese and tomato soup would be a great comfort dinner. I even found a recipe (that I've used before with some success) from America's Test Kitchen for perfect grilled cheese sandwiches. The recipe is more about technique than ingredients. The whole idea is to bake the sandwiches on a piping hot sheet pan. The first time I made this recipe, I didn't butter the bread enough and they burnt. I thought I had the solution this time; I would put a small pat of butter on the sheet pan right as the oven hit 450° and it would melt and coat the pan to give an extra layer of butter. Except, I waited too long and the sheet pan was ridiculously hot and the instant the butter hit the pan it started sizzling and popping onto the top burner in the oven. The smoke was thick and instant. I thought for sure I had set the oven fully on fire (again. I have actually done that before...) But it was just smoking really bad! Score! Except then the fire alarms started going off, startling both kids. Oh, and did I mention my husband works from home? So the smoke detectors are all going off, I'm trying to calm down the kids and make sure they know we're safe when hubs rushes up the stairs to make sure everyone was OK. The smoke detectors turned themselves off and he was able to go back to work. I thought, "hey! I can still salvage this dinner!" So I finish constructing the sandwiches and go to put them in the oven. Surely, the butter has burnt off by now! Nope! A huge billow of smoke comes out of the oven, once again causing the smoke detectors to go off, children to panic, and husband to rush back up the stairs.
We were able to eat the sandwiches, which were cooked to perfection, but had a *lovely* burnt butter flavor to them. Oh, and I burnt the tomato soup.
Tldr: I just want to be a good cook and make delicious meals for my family. However, I'm so terrible at cooking I nearly (well kind of) set the house aflame trying to cook a goddam grilled cheese sandwich.
Jameschoral: Get a flat pan and cook them on your stovetop, not the oven. Put the burner on medium to medium/low. Butter the bread and cook the sandwiches until the bread toasts. By that point the cheese should be melted. If it toasts too fast you can easily control the heat.
[Here’s a link to some grilled cheese and tomato basil soup that I make for the wife and kids](https://www.reddit.com/r/RateMyPlate/comments/ixpjue/goofy_soup_tomato_and_basil_soup_with_a_grilled/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf). The bread is sourdough and I used cheddar and Monterey Jack cheese.
heyitsvonage: I think she was attempting the sheet pan method as a way to make multiple sandwiches simultaneously
Jameschoral: With the right flat pan you can make 4-6 sandwiches simultaneously and don’t have to deal with an oven. 🤷🏽♂️
| 4 | 7 | |
1669692260 | 1669744002 | t3_z7hyl2 | t5_2to41 | 2,570 | Hail_Corporate_: TIFU by sleeping with tape over my mouth
So I must've read, or seen, or picked up somewhere on the internet, the idea that breathing through your mouth, especially when you sleep, is bad for you. Something about sleep apnea, bad teeth, who knows. I also saw that, to combat this, people will put a bit of tape over their mouth to encourage nose breathing.
I'm more of a 'lets try it' sort of guy, rather than just looking for more information. So, the night before last, I put on a tiny, thumbnail sized piece of tape medical over my lips to keep them together, but still breathe from the sides if need be. It worked really well, I thought. I woke up refreshed, my nose was clear, and my throat wasn't dry. Most importantly though, I dreamt for a lot longer, and a lot more vividly, than I typically do.
Last night I repeated the procedure, with a tiny piece of tape over my mouth. Again, I had really vivid dreams. Unfortunately, there is where the TIFU comes from. I was having a very vivid dream about eating cheesecake. I woke up, semi-groggerly at 3 or 4 am, and realized the tape was no longer over my mouth... and my throat felt like it had something stuck in it.
I woke my wife up coughing, trying to get it out, and drank a lot of water to try and wash it away. I had to tell her that I think I ate tape. After waking up, before work, she was teasing me about it.
I'm not sure if it had some impact on my diet though, as I've been stuck to the toilet all morning.
TL;DR. TIFU by trying a new fad diet of tape, and it stuck with me.
lucpet: I tried this as well, didn't swallow any tape though. I had a sleep study done and if memory serves me rated a 7 out of 10 and got put on a cpap machine. It took me ages to find a nose head gear I liked and that didn't get in the way, but now its great.
&#x200B;
https://preview.redd.it/yfogkus2jv2a1.jpeg?width=2604&format=pjpg&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=50b3315627ef70530908c484d8d2a2995d031ea3
jkonreddit: This i think is the first time i saw a pic in a comment. How
https://preview.redd.it/r8ofk0tryv2a1.png?width=3024&format=png&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=9a1c4a9e9424d6f569ebb473bc603f38210d4fd5
Wtf since when was this possible lol
Dewm: How did you do that?
FriendlyPyre: Drag and drop into the text box or click the picture icon along the bottom row
https://preview.redd.it/rx9moqzncw2a1.jpeg?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=b3aad99ac52f826b9a8ac302fad7f26117f64a99
javadome: Thank you
https://preview.redd.it/r6hpgzu4ox2a1.jpeg?width=792&format=pjpg&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=9a8467b19a168bb8c8c2de7463ba113935f9f582
canolafly: https://preview.redd.it/0sd0b43h4y2a1.jpeg?width=3000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=570c8865404cb51c776020c91e09115d38e8f474
You're welcome
thewinterofmylife: https://preview.redd.it/2aht2vwu7y2a1.jpeg?width=1078&format=pjpg&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=870c31e3db108b49799133a3f53daa1410ee9260
Here is my contribution.
canolafly: Are those...dog balls he's resting his head on?
ErikTheAngry: Not anymore. They're now pillows. And if the dog disagrees, the cat needs only one bite to definitively end the disagreement.
MyFakeIdentity: https://preview.redd.it/fg1qcnt6yy2a1.jpeg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=93666d6cedeb8f33d2f77f487a453925a83923c0
| 11 | 233.636364 | |
1668231788 | 1668234370 | t3_ysxrh7 | t5_2to41 | 5 | 235_lady: TIFU by trying to serenade an elderly couple on a children's Christmas train ride
This actually happened 4 years ago but every Holiday season when "Let it Snow" comes on the radio, I'm instantly reminded of my F up and I cringe.
4 years ago, I began working on a Christmas train ride where I played the role of a chef. In this role, I performed twice every evening for 80+ people, singing, dancing, etc. on mostly just a tip basis (crappy minimum wage too but that certainly didn't pay the bills). Twice a night for 2 hours each ride for just about 50 days straight. It was a blast, but oh the exhaustion and sickness (lots of kids/germs). By the end of your first week, you're essentially living off of cookies, cocoa, and cough syrup.
Anyways, the second half of the train ride involved singing Christmas carols, wherein I had to make the most of unenthusiastic train riders trying to sing dry carols. The worst.
So "Let it Snow" comes on for the 738262 time this season. I'm singing. Barely alive as the cough syrup and chocolate does it's best to keep me in the upright position. Serenading passengers for tips. I get to this elderly couple at the front of the train car. And it happens. The line I will never forget:
"Man it doesn't show signs of stopping
And I brought me some corn for popping"..
Except I didn't say "corn".
That's right ladies and gentlemen. On this children's Christmas train ride for of magic and cheer, I told an elderly couple that I, their magical chef, brought some *porn* for popping - with the only image coming to mind being popping a tape into the ol' player.
I was mortified and shocked at what had just come out of my mouth.
But not as shocked as this elderly couple as their adorable, cheerful chef just told them she brought porn for popping.
Needless to say I never tried to serenade them again. Or anyone else for that matter that season.
And no, they did not tip me.
TL;DR : I tried to serenade an elderly couple with a Christmas carol and ended up telling them I have some porn for popping on a children's Christmas train ride instead.
OrangeFlavorChicken: Eh. This just doesn’t ring true.
You would have to really overprounounce the “p” to make it audible. Like intentionally. And since everyone, even “the elderly” know Let it Snow, they wouldn’t notice. Our brains just fill in the blank with what it expects to hear.
235_lady: I wish it weren't true, but it still keeps me up at night.
Each train car had two actor chefs. That night, my now husband was the other chef and heard it as well. I was so high on all the "cold" meds I was on.. which hardly did a thing to help because I ended up having mono but yeah.. I don't know what happened to me. I don't even watch porn so I really have no excuse. 😅
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1668234067 | 1668243049 | t3_ysyekj | t5_2to41 | 11 | [deleted]: TIFU by being too smart for my job
[deleted]
clownandmuppet: Sounds like too many people are too easily insulted in some western countries.
Land of the free? Free speech? Everyone gets offended too easily.
Angel2121md: Yes a lot of people seem to and moreso since 2020 to me. Seems getting offended is more often now.
LitheXD: Definitely. I'm glad assholes are getting backlash, but it's getting to the point where everything is offensive.
| 4 | 2.75 | |
1668235141 | 1668256247 | t3_ysypps | t5_2to41 | 35 | MakaylaGirl98: TIFU by going to the ER and it all turning out to be nothing
TLDR at the bottom.
Like a lot of TIFU's here, this didn't happen today. I got inspired to post my story after [reading this TIFU](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/4upq6x/tifu_by_going_to_the_emergency_room/) from over six years ago, and so here I go. On July 1st of this year, I'm just driving along after enjoying a nice breakfast a nearby diner, when I get these weird pinpricks of pain in the middle of my back. At first, I ignore it, since everyone gets random pain every now and then, but as the day went on and into the next day, I noticed the pin pricks of pain would come and go, and sometimes radiate down towards my abdomen with a bit of nausea. I'm starting to become a little concerned, since I thought to myself at first, "what if I'm showing early signs of a kidney stone trying to move?" I don't want to seem like a hypochondriac, so I try to ignore it, but the more this weird pain goes along, and the more I look at symptoms on the internet, the more worried I start to become. (Never Google symptoms).
On 4th of July, I'm still feeling a bit under the weather, my lower abdomen/groin feels uncomfortable, it has weird pinpricks of pain on the lower right side that comes and goes. I figured that I had enough of this and decide to schedule an appointment to urgent care. The next morning, I drive myself over to the urgent care place, lo and behold, they're not taking patients that day because they are short-staffed(they hadn't updated their website to let people know that they couldn't take appointments at the moment). So, frustrated, but anxious to get some care, I head over to another nearby urgent care to be seen. They take me back, and I tell them the symptoms I've been having, the lower back/flank pain, and the weird lower abdominal pain on my right side. They take my urine, test it for a UTI, it comes back negative. A LPN comes in as asks me about my last menstrual cycle, when did I last have a bowel movement, etc. She feels my abdomen as I tell her that something just feels "off." She tells me that because of my symptoms, I would have to go seek a higher level of treatment to find out potentially what could be going on with me.
The LPN calls the nearby ER and tells them I'm having abdominal pain and coming over, and off I go to the ER. It's a long wait, and as I'm waiting I'm FUing even more by Googling more symptoms and finding out that lower back pain and abdominal pain at the same time can be a symptom of appendicitis, so my anxiety is even higher now. Hours go by in the ER. Finally after 1:00pm, (I got to the ER at 10:45am), I get taken back. They stick an IV in me, draw my blood and send it off for testing. The doctor examines me and I tell him what's going on. Then he sends me off to CT for the ultimate scan. Around this time my parents are here at the ER waiting with me and comforting me. The blood work and the CT scan comes back and all is good. The doctor tells me that it is most likely gas/constipation, and the lower back pain could be more muscle related than anything. He prescribes me some pain relievers and anti-nausea medication and sends me off my way. As I leave the hospital, I feel the weight of anxiety lifting off my shoulders....as well as the discomfort in my abdomen. I eat some food when I get home, take a nap, and then enjoy the rest of my evening.
A few weeks later, I got a nice bill in the mail for $8,703 dollars and 53 cents(I only ended up paying $67 because of insurance.) I feel silly after this whole experience knowing that I basically wasted time in the ER on gas or needing to poop made worse by my own anxiety.
TLDR: Had a weird off feeling in my back and abdomen that wouldn't go away, had some nausea, googled symptoms, freaked out, went to the ER thinking what if I had rare symptoms of appendicitis, ended up waiting hours for everything to be all good.
PauloWallow: Better to be safe than sorry
MakaylaGirl98: That's for sure! I actually got sick two months before this "incident" happened. Had a sore throat, headache, body aches, chills, fever of 102 lasting three days. Thought maybe I had a summer flu, went to the doctor, sure enough it was covid.
| 3 | 11.666667 | |
1669696806 | 1669755302 | t3_z7jkl7 | t5_2to41 | 181 | FuckingUnicornCum: TIFU by having sex for the first time, with my married friend.
Basically title is what happened. He(28m) has been my(25f) friend for quite some time now, and I met him a few months back, when I broke my leg- and he was the doctor who did my surgery. We started speaking a few days after the surgery and I knew he was married, and I always kept my distance.
He told me one fine day that he wished I hugged him, and my immediate response was-"one thing may lead to another..."
Although I was hesitant, he told me one day how things weren't going great with his wife(25f)- how he's been married to her for 2.5 yrs and they haven't had sex till date and how frustrating he feels and to add- lonely, avoided by wife, who is at present a doctor, studying and working. I believe him, because we come from a place where we've got to be careful about our sexual activity before marriage and also because he's very honest in nature. He told me he's still a virgin and I laughed at him at first. The thing is- I was too.
Fast forward the entire thing, we started meeting up outside, then he slowly started wanting me come to his place to give him company and sometimes a hug. Then he kissed me and I was really bothered. Didn't express anything at the time. However, a few weeks later, I started longing to see him again and this time kiss him.
Goodness I tell you, the both of us managed not to have sex for at least 3 months and today- it happened.
I met him, cuz he was upset I haven't been visiting him and we kept having a fight over the phone , so I decided to just give him a hug and be back home immediately. Things didn't go according to plan and now we both feel terrible- besides the fact that we lost our virginity to each other, there was nothing interesting about the sex. And it hurts the both of us- we don't know what to do.
I came back home and went to read an article on "what should a woman do if she slept with a married man" and it says "leave. For the sake of your sanity and self respect. He's not going to leave his wife." Oooh- I need to add this- he keeps making these jokes about how he wished he could be be married to 3 women, legally. At the same time. I'm the second one.
TL;DR I had sex with my married friend and now I am losing my mind, and guilty af.
fredsam25: Tell his wife you're pregnant and then go no contact. Problem solved.
BeSmartYeah: Yeah because that’s really nice to do to his wife, Who did absolutely nothing wrong in this.
fredsam25: Um, how is this mean to the wife? This is letting her know he's cheating.
BeSmartYeah: Telling his wife is one thing telling her she’s pregnant is another, why would she do that, why would she double hurt his wife?
fredsam25: Make sure she leaves him.
BeSmartYeah: I don’t think lying to her is going to help the situation just telling her the truth is all that’s necessary no need for her to manipulate this poor woman more.
It’s up to the wife to decide what she’s going to do nobody else.
fredsam25: Nah, I'd make sure she leaves through manipulation if I had to.
BeSmartYeah: Then your as big as an asshole as your husband is and as the OP. You don’t give a shit about the wife and you don’t give a shit if she gets inflicted with more grief. This is right up there with one of the most stupid responses.
fredsam25: Why is the OP an asshole? That seems unwarranted. She did not cheat on anyone.
| 10 | 18.1 | |
1668244796 | 1668287338 | t3_yt1xh0 | t5_2to41 | 541 | Single-Razzmatazz389: TIFU by filming myself masturbating and losing the camera in the sea
[removed]
Marcel2015_: Oh shit. I hope that the camera is rather destroyed than working, because if it is working anybody can see that.
Dasw0n: I found a GoPro that had been at the bottom of the ocean (35 metres) for 3 years going off the date on the footage. Housing unit held up and meant it didn’t rust.
Marcel2015_: Very solid stuff.
3 years, 35 meters saltwater? I doubt anything with a metal housing could survive for that long.
Dasw0n: Plastic housing with rubber/silicon gaskets, all the metal is internal
Marcel2015_: Yeah.
| 6 | 90.166667 | |
1668246088 | 1668288521 | t3_yt2cg6 | t5_2to41 | 8,990 | Digitek50: TIFU by inadvertently calling my girlfriend a fat elephant
My girlfriend and I have been stuck in a bit of a rut of late; not sleeping well, zero exercise and eating very poorly, resulting in lack of motivation from both of us. We would just sit around on our phones knowing full well we weren't paying any attention to our surroundings. So an advertisement for a local gym on the radio prompted a rather spontaneous discussion regarding aforementioned lazy pieces of shit we were becoming. (we have 2 kids and both work full time, so lazy is obscure to us) After ironing out our problems and both agreeing to eat better, exercise, etc, my girlfriend told me how her dresses don't feel as loose as they did a few months ago and she went into detail about how much weight she had gained in such a short space of time...to which I replied with well at least we addressed the 'Elephant in the room', a phrase she had never heard before. A phrase that, for a split second would be the cause of my untimely death. Oh, if looks could kill! I spent the next few minutes frantically googling the phrase to convince her that I was talking about the problem in it's entirely, and our inability to address it until now, not that I thought she was an actual fucking elephant. Eventually, she did see the funny side.
TL:DR: girlfriend and I got stuck in a rut and got lazy. Girlfriend gained weight. Finally spoke about us and our problems. Told her she looked like an elephant 🐘. Huge misconception. Hilarity ensued
ooooooooooooolivia: Interestingly, elephants are almost all muscle. A lot of animals we might think of as fat are absolutely jacked
Meanwhile, you might call a muscular person a bear, but by fat percentage a bear would be obese
All_Is_Not_Self: Also, most of them (elephants, hippos, rhinos, ...) are (primarily or exclusively) herbivores. There's protein in plants.
sasoner: Herbivores are also adapted to eat plants. Elephants have four compartments in their stomach, humans do not.
Oblivescence17: umm we can digest fruit and vegetables just fine with the one
sasoner: Humans are Omnivores meaning we can eat anything, thriving and being healthy is a different altogether.
You can certainly survive on a Mountain Dew and Doritos diet, would you recommend that?
King_Spike: Humans thrive on a well-balanced plant-based diet.
Edit: to all those downvoting - don't use your cognitive dissonance as an excuse for suppressing the truth
sasoner: They also do so on a meat only diet.
The vegetarian would do better including the occasional egg, fish or meat in his diet while the meat eater would do well in including some fruits and vegetables in his.
I don't believe any exclusive diet can be honestly called 'balanced'
dyld921: It's balanced in terms of nutrients. That's what matters, not the kinds of food eaten.
sasoner: What kind of food DEFINETLY matters. The bioavailability of nutrients depends on what type of food is it.
Even then herbivores have many other adaptations for eating exclusively plants, such as continuously growing teeth. A vegan diet consumes at least double the amount of food than a balanced diet. Meaning you chew more, use or teeth more and spend more time each day doing digestion, things we are not particularly adapted to do.
dyld921: Not really. Simply eat more of the foods with less availability. As long as we get enough nutrient, who cares. I can't imagine getting so bent of shape over a perfectly fine diet.
sasoner: Nutrients is just one part of a healthy diet. Gut flora, and amount of food definetly matters.
Even if you could manufacture a perfect nutrient balanced food I see no reason to change a diet that has evolved over millions of years for pills.
dyld921: You mean, no reason other than "not killing animals needlessly". I care more about that than some arbitrary rule about digestion. I don't take pills, and even if I did, so fucking what? It's just another way to get nutrients, nothing wrong with that.
sasoner: I don't kill animals needlesly. I kill them for food. If you like taking pills, you do you, I'll still enjoy every animal that goes through my mouth.
dyld921: The entire point veganism is it's not necessary to kill animals for food, since we can get all the nutrients from other places. It's obvious to me, I'm not sure what's so hard to understand.
Anyway, you clearly have axe to grind, so I'm not really going to keep this going.
sasoner: You do you. If you want to be a vegan for moral reasons thats fine with me, but don't pretend its healthy or that there are no other healthier diets
dyld921: I never claimed it's a superior diet. Sounds like you're trying really hard to convince yourself it's not healthy so you don't have to consider it. If you don't want to get vegan then don't, no need to overcomplicate it.
sasoner: My diet is healthier than a vegan diet and I have no moral qualms about killing animals to feed myself. I have considered the vegan diet, and I found it lacking.
| 18 | 499.444444 | |
1669703316 | 1669732754 | t3_z7lpw7 | t5_2to41 | 328 | Prune_Fist: TIFU by taking my moms midterm for her
My mom’s been sick so I agreed to help when she said she was having trouble finishing some homework. I’ve helped her in the past, usually just walking her through the material. She sent it over Sunday and it was due today. I was busy with work yesterday and forgot to look at it. Today I opened it up and saw it was her midterm for law and society. She said she was busy with another paper and didn’t have time so she needed me to do it for her. I felt awkward and warned her it’s not a good idea, but also didn’t want to say ‘no’ since it was now last minute.
This is kind of my area of expertise, so it was pretty easy tbh. 6 extended response questions, ended up being like 3 pages and took me maybe 40 minutes. But now she’s asking me to take her final for her because it’s going to be in the same style and she won’t be able to replicate the work or my writing.
After talking to her, I’m worried she might get in trouble because it’s pretty obvious she didn’t write it. I cited Supreme Court cases beyond their material and discussed concepts that aren’t in the curriculum.
I don’t condone cheating and really don’t want to do it again. Im also going to feel terrible if she gets in trouble.
TL;DR I took my moms midterm for her and now she expects me to do her final so she doesn’t get in trouble.
Edit: in case anyone is curious, we got an A. The professor said he was happy she was engaging so well with the material. He pointed out that she should have done more given her understanding of law. Idk how to read that tbh
Acrobatic_Grass_1457: Maybe offer to help her edit the final after she writes it? Interactively. That way she is benefiting and learning also. Sounds like you need to have a real conversation and set some boundaries, it’s not okay for anyone to tell you they “need” you to do their work for them. If it’s undergrad people can always take less classes if it’s too much.
Prune_Fist: I feel the same way. I thought I had set boundaries already by insisting on helping her through assignments and not doing them for her. But that’s clearly not the case. I feel like it’s just logical too if you’re gonna cheat you have to ultimately write the answers yourself.
Acrobatic_Grass_1457: Boundaries have to be reinforced and stuck to, which you didn’t do since you did her midterm & that’s on you. I get it’s your mom and it’s difficult. Helping someone edit their paper isn’t necessarily plagiarism. You focus on grammar, sentence structure, and areas they should add research in. That can be perfectly ok but also become a blurry grey area because there’s no hard line where it crosses to plagiarism. But straight up writing it for someone is HARD plagiarism and grounds for being kicked out.
Prune_Fist: Totally agree. Its hard bc I don’t know how else to deal with this situation. Imagine being “the reason” your mom flunked school.
ESCognition: Your mum is the reason, not you. Sure, you should have said no - but she also shouldn't have asked.
Acrobatic_Grass_1457: Exactly, whose degree is this? It’s hers and she signed up for that responsibility.
| 7 | 46.857143 | |
1668261537 | 1668270151 | t3_yt7sqv | t5_2to41 | 7 | Clubgirlok: TIFU by not attracting my dream girl
I don’t know why I keep going out to clubs and trying to meet women. It’s so dumb. I see other guys trying to talk to women and they just get rejected or ignored. The few times I do talk to women I get the same responses. Before you say I only talk to women out of my league I really don’t. It doesn’t matter though I’m just too ugly and I’m not smooth.
I did see the girl of my dreams tonight at a club. Physically she was everything I wanted. I asked her about her tattoo and she talked about it for like five seconds before cutting the conversation and leaving. I get it. I’m ugly and I’m bothering you. Of course I’d get that response. If I had any substantial amount of money I’d have gone to a strip club instead. I could have at least had more fun. I’m still glad I got out of my house for a bit. It just wasn’t as fun as I’d hoped.
That girl was the hottest thing in there. She had lots of curves and she was dressed to show them off. I’m still thinking about her.
Tl;dr I can’t get my dream girl
SeaTale6353: Does S mean satire? I'm so confused about it XD
LumberghFactor: Rated S for Sad
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1669707972 | 1669729835 | t3_z7n52v | t5_2to41 | 87 | Grizzly489: TIFU by covering my demented grandmother in sex lube.
I was already a Nursing Assistant with 5 years in on a dementia unit, so when my grandma was diagnosed with it I became a part time personal caretaker for her. Eventually she got bad enough to need constant supervision and so her and my grandfather moved in with my parents and I continued to handle cares 2-3 days a week.
My parents go on a 3 day trip after Thanksgiving and my grandpa went with for a well deserved break from reality,, so I've been solo with my grandma since Friday, at my parents house. Everything was going great. Zero issues... until about an hour before my parents returned home.
Well, it's Christmas shopping season and I got distracted searching for gifts to cross off my list. This is my first Christmas with my girlfriend, whom I just started dating 3 months ago... so, (naturally) I had already picked up a couple bottles of WET Premium silicone lube as part of "her" present.
As I was scrolling through Amazon, my grandmother wandered into the guest room, found the bottles in my bag, opened both of them, double fisted them and started "cleaning" everything in the living room. The family pictures. The TV. The couch. The dinner table. I looked up to see my grandpa's car pulling in and to see what my grandma was doing all in the same instant. I rushed over to her to take the bottles away,, but she squeezed... Hard!Then she freaked out, rubbed it all into her hands, face, hair, and even the family dog, and went running towards the door as my parents and grandfather walked through it. Christmas will be awkward...
TL;DR- TIFU by covering my parents house and my demented grandma in sex lube.
ThatKaleidoscope8736: I can't believe you got your girlfriend lube for Christmas.
Grizzly489: She got a pair of iridescent tumbler cups that's she's been eyeing for months, a forever rose, and 2 VIP 2nd row tickets to her favorite comedian. The lube was the throw-away part of the gift. Wasn't integral to the story...
lucamew: Dating three months and you're buying her all that?! My fiance should take some notes 😂😂
Grizzly489: Dating since late August, yes. But we've been best friends for 3 years and working together for 5. Knew each other casually (small town Wisconsin) for about 15 years. She's been "Wife" in my phone for years now and it's not at all sarcastic anymore, as new as the actual romantic part may be.
ThatKaleidoscope8736: Super cute!
| 6 | 14.5 |
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