start_date stringlengths 10 10 | end_date stringlengths 10 10 | thread_id stringlengths 8 10 ⌀ | subreddit stringclasses 1
value | subreddit_id stringclasses 1
value | total_score int64 -564 194k | text stringlengths 52 58.9k | num_messages int64 3 160 | avg_score float64 -55.17 14.3k |
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1669841633 | 1669866138 | t3_z92wjx | t5_2to41 | 27 | Zerconite101: TIFU by slapping a muslim man for secretly recording my sister twice
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PhukneeBone: His religion has nothing to do with his actions. He is a sick individual who should have the police called on him.
Zerconite101: I couldn't agree more. One of the guests told me to shout at the caterer who called this person and ask him why did he call a muslim guy.
My exact answer was - What decent human being would tell someone 'Don't hire a muslim person'
Religion comes in because everyone agrees that these people always stick together in defending each other when one of them fucks up. He can call 500 muslim men and not even 5 of our neighbors would come to help us.
This was the same reason no one called the police. Everyone thinks the police will always side with the muslim guy because of two reasons. Either they'll scared to act against a muslim or they'll defend him and accuse us
PhukneeBone: I can see how you might think that. That country is not known well for their police force, as bribery and corruption are rampant. I believe money plays more of a role here than religion as far as the police go. Hope you and your family remain safe. Imo you are NOT the *** hole. Is he medically ill? Maybe he has a history with that stuff.
Zerconite101: Unfortunately you're right. Our Police Force IS like that. Even in Bangalore, the city I live in. There are countless stories of the police being the bad guys and maybe less than 10 of them being the good guys. But still part of me believes in our police. I may not trust them. But I still believe there are good policemen who are making a difference.
As far as the mental status of this guy goes, no normal human being would do such a thing and then act like it wasn't even a big deal. He didn't even mind me calling his son and his wife and telling them everything he did. And also the way his son was talking, he probably knew what his father was doing.
PhukneeBone: I guess what I meant is was he visibly mentally ill? Sometimes you can tell by either behavior or physical deformities.
Zerconite101: No, no visible deformities and he wasn't behaving eccentric
| 7 | 3.857143 | |
1668432657 | 1668452139 | t3_yuzguo | t5_2to41 | 11 | [deleted]: TIFU by learning men need to wash their private part AT LEAST once per day
[removed]
StranglesMcWhiskey: You shower every other day, but don't want wash your genitals in the shower? WTF are you even doing.
You nasty, wash your junk.
Redredditer1234: You're right, I admit it
Tell that to the many other men though:
[https://www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/15249877/men-wash-penis/](https://www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/15249877/men-wash-penis/)
CALsHero09: I think almost all humans know to wash their junk.
Redredditer1234: ​
[https://www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/15249877/men-wash-penis/](https://www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/15249877/men-wash-penis/)
CALsHero09: So 1/5th of people are disgusting. Got it when you posted it the first time. Doesnt change proper hygiene and cleanliness though. Could also help prevent diseases, not to mention the smell. Ive heard of this, but in 3rd world places where they dont have access to a clean avaliable water source. UK has no excuse.
| 6 | 1.833333 | |
1668433067 | 1668458703 | t3_yuzn7h | t5_2to41 | 24 | p_t_dactyl: TIFU by thinking I was an invincible 20yo and ruining my knee
Obligatory this happened about 10 years ago and also on mobile.
About ten years ago I was in community college and playing baseball. During the winter before our season the team would get together when we had some free time and we’d play 2 hand touch football at the local high school field. We always played 2 hand touch as to not injure ourselves. Well on one play I was playing receiver and I went to make a cut move and felt a “squish” in the side of my knee followed immediately by pain and swelling. I told the guys I did something and was basically immobile the rest of the day. My knee swells up to twice it’s normal size over the next couple days and I can’t bend it whatsoever making walking a bit of a chore. I head home for a weekend break and go see a doctor who tells me I’ve torn my meniscus and it will need surgery to fix, but that he doesn’t have an opening for the surgery for another 6 months and that after the swelling goes down I should be mobile enough that I can play my baseball season as long as there isn’t too much pain. So I end up playing my entire college baseball season with a torn meniscus which leads to it being completely shredded by the time I have surgery, but this isn’t the only fuck up. About two weeks before my scheduled surgery I decided to run a 10k race in my town, then a week before my surgery I played a round of golf with my dad. When I finally have my surgery to surgeon tells me “I took out what I could without guaranteeing you’ll have issues with it in the future, but you’ll probably still have issues in the future.” He also said “weight bearing as tolerable” and didn’t recommend physical therapy. So my 20 year old brain hears “if it doesn’t hurt then you’re good to do whatever.” About two weeks later I end up playing 2 rounds of golf over the course of two days with some friends, then two weeks after that I run a 5k race, then a month after that I play in a 3-on-3 basketball tournament, then a month after that I run another 3.5 mile race. So within a 3 month span of my surgery I’ve run multiple 5k or longer races, played 3-on-3 basketball for a weekend, and played a lot of golf. Today my knee pops if it’s been bent for too long, I can’t run more than a mile without it getting sore, and I can feel weather changes coming.
TLDR: I tore a meniscus, played an entire baseball season with it torn, then ran multiple 5k+ races, played basketball, and played golf in a 3 month span just before and after the surgery.
Dyanpanda: I hope you enjoy the eulogy you gave your knee.
p_t_dactyl: My other knee seemed to enjoy it.
| 3 | 8 | |
1668433396 | 1668532140 | t3_yuzs5k | t5_2to41 | 30 | Longjumping_Chair639: TIFU by not getting back with my EX when I had the chance!
[removed]
freecain: Refers to women as "Female" hangs out with guys who call someone's girlfriend ugly to their face, broke up with a girl because of how attractive he thought other people found her, broke up with again because someone else thought she was weird.... Whoa, future incel here.
trikristmas: He calls himself a male in the same sentence yet you pick that side huh. You know without the internet the issue around the word female wouldn't even be on anyone's horizon. Or without Reddit maybe more specifically.
freecain: That isn't any better, but Incels have a habit of using the term "female" in ways that just don't flow normally. Nothing inherently wrong with this, but it is a trend.
trikristmas: I guess I'd need examples but I'm sure women can be used the same way. All about the tone and context. Still, how does that relate to the present example?
zialucina: No. Woman is a noun that specifically refers to adult humans. "Female" is an adjective that describes physical sex characteristics of many millions of species from plants to animals, and even sometimes inanimate objects. Unless you say "female person" it's very, very dehumanizing outside of a clinical setting. Internet or no.
trikristmas: Ok, so why don't males get anal about it then? I'm male. Let me hear you say it too, male. I promise I won't get mad.
zialucina: I don't hear men referred to as males very often. People usually just say men. That would bother me too if it was something in frequent use.
And most definitely there aren't a significant and vocal population of women who refer to men as males purposely to dehumanize them, so when it is used, it's more likely to just be seen as weird as an individual comment and not a cultural issue.
Btw I'm not talking about when someone identifies themselves like me (f45) and my partner (m41) kind of way.
trikristmas: Every police report says, a 6 foot male suspect... What do you mean you don't hear it much?
Like this very post here, it said male and female and you were instantly triggered about the female aspect only. It was such a brief mention of identification. You say you're not talking about mxx, fxx, that's the only mention that this post had about it in its entirety.
Problem is, I constantly see other women write posts and use the term female themselves who aren't bothered by it either.
That dehumanisation part, do people writing it realise themselves they are doing that or is it just people like you who find it dehumanising? You're just saying every time someone uses the term they are being purposely dehumanising, nah I think they are just using words to communicate and you are the one saying they are being dehumanising.
zialucina: My first comment explicitly excludes clinical contexts. Formal reports, medical studies and literature, etc are clinical.
| 10 | 3 | |
1669842986 | 1669872212 | t3_z93i8t | t5_2to41 | 18 | TIFU-throwaway__: TIFU by trying to get a little girl to speak english in America
[removed]
GreenGiantt: There's no way this can be legit. If so, you're a major ass and no wonder your brother reacted as such. I would too.
SometimesITalk16: No way this is real. "I slap an 8 year old Korean girl for not speaking English and my family is mad at me!"
Osidestarfish: Are you f*ing kidding?!?
The type of touch is meant to be punitive, and you know it’s wrong because it’s only when you’re alone… hmmm. Why are you alone with this child anyway? She obviously speaks English as well, and at 8 can be reasonable talked to with a gentle reminder. However, this child being bilingual should be celebrated and encouraged.
What I want to know is… OP are you male or female? Not that it matters because corporal punishment is wrong either way, but still. And how old are you? You were liberal with everyone else’s info, but hid yours. Suspect.
You missed posted to the wrong sub because, you didn’t just FU today but every time you touched that child. And based on the correct sub you are definitely the AH.
Edited for left out words.
SometimesITalk16: I'm not the op.....
Osidestarfish: Sorry, I did not mean it to you directly.
| 6 | 3 | |
1668434306 | 1668468409 | t3_yv06b4 | t5_2to41 | 12 | [deleted]: TIFU by going out naked without realizing
[deleted]
drblah1: If **only** there was a way I could give you money to hear more stories and related content like this from you
beethoover: I would personnaly be a *fan* of those .
NerdHerder77: A place for *only* that kind of content.
| 4 | 3 | |
1669842549 | 1669851250 | t3_z93b5l | t5_2to41 | 44 | ESthro: TIFU by making an explosive indoors
I was invited to a potluck thanksgiving at my friend's house. I made creme brulee and packed a twist-on blowtorch for the finishing touches.
When dessert time came around, I tried to twist on the blowtorch top to a gas canister. For some reason, it would not lock in place (as it just had before I disassembled it for this trip). Gas kept hissing out and I would twist it off.
I consider myself a reasonable guy with a good head on my shoulders. I grew up poor in a bad neighborhood with absentee parents (who were working multiple jobs) and am now a white collar professional that requires critical thinking. I stress this because I have come to the realization that I'm an idiot.
After three tries of twisting and trying to get it to lock, I thought pulling the trigger on the blowtorch might lock it... Instead fire shot out and consumed all the leaking gas around the canister, putting my hands at the center of a fireball.
In a panic, I dropped it and everyone looked at the torch and gas canister on the floor engulfed in flame. Everyone freaked out and backed away. Thinking fire + canister full of gas = BOOM!, I grabbed the fireball from the floor and screwed off the torch head, burning my hands in the process.
The day proceeded as normal with it being a quirky joke about how I almost burned the house down.
My burns aren't too bad, but I feel supremely stupid at having put my friends' lives in danger. It's one thing to put oneself at risk, but the guilt of having put other people's lives at risk has been gnawing at me.
Tldr: tried to be cool, got burned.
justadiode: Sick burn, bro
(But seriously, respect for grabbing that thing off the floor. It could've ended badly)
ESthro: Life went on as normal. I don't think the fact that there was pretty much a bomb on the floor passed through anyone's head.
| 3 | 14.666667 | |
1668437381 | 1668500691 | t3_yv1l9c | t5_2to41 | 15 | bec1731: tifu by not listening to my body and sitting the fuck down
So some of my past I have pretty severe hormone conditions (3 major ones in woman) so sometimes when I get in pain fast I get really dizzy and have to sit down, take my meds, rest and do distraction therapy
Well...... I had just finished cooking dinner and doing the dishes and was going back to my room with a spare container and bowl filled with cheesey mac n cheese when midway up the stairs I started feeling pain so I hurried into my room and put the food down when I suddenly felt a dizzy spell coming on.
So Instead of sitting down like an other ordinary person would do I decided to fill up my water bottle as I was most likely thirsty ans thats why I was dizzy (wasn't dehydration) 2 steps towards my sink all of a sudden I felt my ankle roll and give way, all of a sudden im on the ground laying sideways on my leg, I got up ans tried to shake it off and continue with my night as I had a gaming session planned.
2 hours later after the incident I felt that my left leg of my jeans felt really tight for some reason I look down ans what do yoy know my foot ans leg are swollen twice the size it should be (at this stage still can walk) so did a sensible thing ans put my leg up ans take my stronger meds to help with the pain as it was more noticeable.
Around 14 hours after the incident I had to go out with family to do shopping and was noticeably uncomfortable walking (again tight jean leg didn't have much time to find a better outfit as was last minute) explained what happened ans said oh im sure I just twisted something and will see a doctor if its not better in a week and continued walking as I thought walking would help.
Oh how I was wrong.......
2 hours after shopping/changing into shorts and resting my leg had obviously worsened to the point im getting uncomfortable pain inside of my kneecap and more swelling.....tried pain killers and hot shower ans also icing only thing helping is laying down ans medical cbd..... at this point I am thinking I need to go to urgent care in the morning to double check I haven't done serious damage
TL:DR
Didn't listen to warning signs, rolled ankle and fell thought was fine and continued on what was doing
Next day while out with family doesn't think need doctors despite limping and 2 hours after arriving home it worsens to the point considering seeking medical advice
Rama_FR: what is a major in woman and why do you have 3 of them ?
bec1731: Endo, pcos ans adenmyosis
BoringCrow3742: holy shit you lost the genetic lottery. do be careful with the dizzy spells and falling, once you mess up your neck or back thats another lifetime of pain thing.
| 4 | 3.75 | |
1669849950 | 1669932747 | t3_z96oba | t5_2to41 | 4,021 | achilles52309: TIFU by closed-fist punching my 3-year-old in the middle of the face
Happened today.
I promise, I usually don't have stepdad-reflexes, but my 3 year old son has a unicorn suit that he's been wearing for the last week. Well, it's cheaply made, so the zipper is terrible. He was trying to zip it up and he was getting very frustrated. I decided to come help, but I also couldn't get it zipped back up easily. I had zipped it about to his chest, but the dang thing wouldn't move.
So I'm trying to slide this thing up and he's looking down at the zipper and I'm struggling with it. I turn my hand such my knuckles are facing up while holding the zipper between my thumb and pointer knuckle when it slips and I closed-fist punch my little guy right in the middle of his poor, darling face. Immediate tears, mom runs down to see what the hubbub is about, and through sobs he says "papa hur-hurt m-m-meeeeeeeee!"
He is fine, but I feel bad
Tldr: Try to zip up my kid's suit. Punch him in the face instead.
Anxious_Big_9564: One time my head got stuck in my favourite sweater. My mum accidentally flung me across the room into the Christmas tree as my head popped out. It hurt but I got over it. It’ll be a funny story when he’s older. Give him some extra love and a treat… and maybe a better zipper (or costume?) from a tailor. :p
achilles52309: I will call my haberdasher
sassykittygurl: [Are You Being Served](https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLVVQF-AGluu9xfGX4fM4bOZeIDPtPkBwP)
Shadow569: Ground floor: perfumery. Stationery and leather goods. Wigs and haberdashery. Kitchenware and food. Going up
DadsRGR8: Is there any place to stream Are You Being Served besides BritBox?
sassykittygurl: its all on you tube if u dont mind watching it in the silly small box :)
DadsRGR8: Thanks! I don’t know why I didn’t think of looking on YouTube. Watching it now! My smart TV streams YouTube so full screen!!! 👍
sassykittygurl: awesomeness!
| 9 | 446.777778 | |
1668442902 | 1668450022 | t3_yv4a7e | t5_2to41 | 1,581 | [deleted]: TIFU by accidentally taking out my girlfriend's tampon.
[deleted]
Blackbird04: Youd have to pull it quite hard to completely remove the tampon. Why didnt you stop whe you felt resistance??
beeg_brain007: He probably just pulled out so fast he didn't felt any resistance
Blackbird04: I just know, as someone who has used tampons ever month for a very long time its not as easy as putting a thread and it just slipping out. Often there is ALOT of resistance and a hard sharp tug wouldnt pull it out. Not in my experience anyway
RudeSprinkles1240: I dunno. I've had a tampon shoot out of me with a good sneeze.
Blackbird04: Really??
Blackbird04: Are you OPs gf?
RudeSprinkles1240: Really. And no. I might be OP's grandma, but definitely not their girlfriend.
Khudaal: why not both
| 9 | 175.666667 | |
1668451144 | 1668545746 | t3_yv8fvc | t5_2to41 | 53 | [deleted]: TIFU by telling my GF I had tried “stuff” with a guy when I was younger
[deleted]
chipndip1: She's mad at you for fucking another kid when you were 11 years old? Is this the thing?
SoggyAd2636: Yup, and because she might have Chlamydia too.
chipndip1: If this blows up TOO much, leave her. Give her time to get over the initial shock though.
Like, I get being frustrated but directing it to someone that was 11 at the time?
SoggyAd2636: I think she is mad because I put her health on the line, but I didn’t mean it I had no way to know that I was causing a problem
Logical_Ad_1383: And that's the problem. You literally have to get sti tested. She's never had another partner you have in between the 2 you should have been tested. You should be getting tested on a regular basis. If you're going to have sex you absolutely have to be responsible with testing and sti prevention and birth control
chipndip1: How do you expect an 11 year old, now 16, to REALLY know about STDs or realizing they have symptoms?
Logical_Ad_1383: I expect their parents to have educated them enough. I expect anyone to know that something is different and get a check up.
I expect 11 year Olds to be having well child checks and being honest with their medical team who can get them the right information on sexual diseases and the testing and treatment process.
The average age children are starting to have sex these days is right around 10 ffs. Some of these diseases can and do cause life long issues. And yes op put someone else's health at risk. She has every right to be mad she didn't have all of the necessary information to make an informed decision to consent to sex. Op doesn't have to disclose his whole history but he 100% should have told her he has had other partners. This goes for all the different forms of sex oral and anal count too there are no loopholes.
I haven't said he's evil or a bad person or anything of the sort despite what you wish to claim. As a mother of a now adult a teenager and preteen I've had these talks I know it's uncomfortable but it's 100% essential.
SoggyAd2636: You’re right, the thing is it was something I was ashamed of, so I couldn’t talk to anyone about it because I wasn’t comfortable enough to do it, I realise I made a mistake and I should’ve told her. But as I said before I didn’t mean to hurt anyone, and I didn’t really know I had something I thought getting tested wasn’t necessary. I do understand the consequences of my actions and I apologised lots of times. It was something that happened 5 years ago I never thought it would come back to haunt me. I should’ve been more responsible and I wasn’t in neither situations, when I was 11 and now that I am 16. I’m just trying to make things right.
I don’t even know if she has something yet because she only got tested today. And there’s always the probability of having nothing. Even though I know this isn’t an excuse.
It’s a learning situation and I’m sorry for what I’ve done and all the problems I’ve caused.
Logical_Ad_1383: I know you are young but keep in mind you have one body is up to you to take care of it. From here on you know you need to be tested. Regularly that means before your next partner you both go get tested and no sex until you get the results. Make sure you're requesting testing for hsv because is routine. Get your oral swab as well. You can get gonorrhea and chlamydia in your throat have your gf get that done as well.
And always use protection you don't want to wake up one day to a paternity suit
SoggyAd2636: You’re right, thank you!
| 11 | 4.818182 | |
1668447912 | 1668489837 | t3_yv6tsp | t5_2to41 | 64 | No-Replacement-5698: TIFU By Laughing Out Loud In a Silent Classroom
A little background information. At the beginning of the year, the teachers asked us to sign up for certain recess stations. This was to keep recess more organized and we would have to stay in our stations for the whole marking period. Since I'm not exactly the most social person, I signed up for the cool space station. This is a station where you stay in a classroom during recess to work on assignments. If you didn't have any assignments to work on, the teacher running cool space would let you do pretty much whatever you wanted as long as you weren't distracting anyone. Anyway, now that I got that out of the way, let me tell you what happened.
Fast forward to today during recess. I was sitting at a desk working on my science assignment. I had watched a really funny video the night before and I still wasn't over it. I was trying so hard not to laugh out loud and I was actually doing a pretty good job of that. The classroom was extra quiet today. Everyone seemed jo have an assignment to do, and if they didn't, they were probably just tired. Right when I was about to put the final touches on my science assignment, the kid sitting in front of me started hiccupping. I tried to ignore it, not wanting to make any sort of sound that indicated I was listening. Then, just as I thought he had finished, he breathed in and let out the loudest burp I've ever heard in my life.
I don't know if it was the video or the burp that caused it, but whatever it was, I couldn't help myself. I started laughing hard, and out loud. Since the classroom was completely silent at this point, everyone heard me. No one else was laughing.
I am now sitting in math class writing this. I don't know if anyone will remember this or say anything about it, but it was still super embarrassing. Please forgive me if I'm blowing this way out of proportion.
TL;DR: I laughed out loud in a silent classroom and everyone heard me.
qawsedrf12: couldnt be as bad as when I mumbled to myself "mmmmm, yummy"
Med school classroom. Discussing oligosaccharides and professor mentions they are present in "lady parts" secretions
No-Replacement-5698: What? Were you hungry or something? If I was you I would've frobably been gagging LOL.
qawsedrf12: if you were a dude, that likes to go down on ladies, you would understand
No-Replacement-5698: I'm not a dude. Just someone who hasn't learned anything in health class yet except the dangers of drugs and alcohol.
Radiant-Art3448: >It gets better!
| 6 | 10.666667 | |
1668453391 | 1668636595 | t3_yv9ife | t5_2to41 | 24 | i_hate_myself59: TIFU Big time
Some pre info. I'm 19 and live w my parents.About one year ago when I didn't had a gf I would commonly go on various sites for "self satisfaction" and once I spotted some site that gets you in contact with woman that are looking for men. Seems like Tinder but only for older women. There horny af I decided that it's a good idea to pay monthly subscription (5USD) to have a chat with the women. I had my credit card connected with the site and it would automatically charge you monthly like all subscription does. About 2 months ago I was like f this, I wasn't getting any chat replies or anything. What am I paying for, so I asked for the cancelation. It verified and said that everything is okay. So today I got a text from my mom telling me wtf is this letter? I was kinda surprised because I rarely get any letters. In the letter it sais that I owe the website roughly 200USD(For postal service etc...). I'm so ashamed that my mother got to see that i had gambled away 200USD, and that I'm one fucking retard who gave out all card info. In the letter it said that they got my address through the ip address. I'm currently at work idk what's next...
TL ; DR My mom just got the letter that I've spent 200USD on fake e woman.
ryanhiga2019: That’s why we join r/pornfree young man
Spectre92ITA: I am a horrible person.
First of all I misread the link as freeporn so I went oooh alright let's have a look.
Then I realised, and went oh fair enough, not a bad mindset really and decided to have a look at the threads and spent 10 minutes laughing my ass off because everyone, bless them, is being encouraging because... of how *hard* it is.
F me sideways I was full on cackling like an idiot and I feel bad now
ryanhiga2019: Ofcourse its hard, as someone who has reduced porn consumption, its one of the very difficult things I had to do. But what it'll do is it'll increase novelty in regular sex so you don't go around the internet spending frivolous money
Spectre92ITA: To clarify in case it's a wee bit too obscure, I fully get it's hard to stop with porn, hell, I just couldn't help but laugh at the concept of something being "hard" while talking about people being horny.
| 5 | 4.8 | |
1668454220 | 1668477183 | t3_yv9wus | t5_2to41 | 38 | Beautiful_Rub42: TIFU leaving out my intimate toy remote
[removed]
pussylover_tw17: I'm so sorry but doesn't anyway find the fact in his tldr he referred to his kids as offspring. Idk it's so funny to me 😭😭
Racdiecoon: There's a band called the offspring lmao
onyxaj: You triggered a completely unrelated memory, and I'm gonna share it cause... Reddit.
I use to really suck at knowing what bands play what songs. My friend would quiz me randomly. An Offspring song came on. I THOUGHT it was them, but asked for a hint before I guessed.
Him: It's also a type of bird
Me: A bird?
Him: Yep
Me: Uh.. I don't know then. The Eagles?
Him: No! It's the Offspring!
Me: WHAT THE FUCK TYPE OF BIRD IS AN OFFSPRING?
Him: There's bird called an Offspring.
Me: No. No there isn't. You mean an osprey?
Him: Probably...
Me: ...idiot
| 4 | 9.5 | |
1668456440 | 1668468002 | t3_yvb04k | t5_2to41 | 121 | SnooStories9195: TIFU by forgetting to disconnect my Bluetooth from my uncles car.
I’ve had car issues for the past week so my landlord has been kind enough to let me borrow his car as he’s recovering from shoulder surgery. I should mention that my landlord is also my uncle. Naturally, I’ve connected my phone to listen to my podcasts etc. And on a good day, my anxiety always reminds me to disconnect my device from his car fully knowing what he could possibly hear when he connects. Not this time. Though I wish it were as innocent as my true crime podcasts that blared through his car speakers as he went to grab coffee this morning, fate would have it otherwise. No friends, I was having myself a morning, catching up with my favorite OnlyFlans creators. As I was about to finish my *scrolling*, the sound on my phone cut out. I was already caught up in the moment and figured the internet was being wonky again. I wish. As fast as I finished scrolling, I threw my fully alive vibrator on the floor and opened my Bluetooth settings. And there it was; “connected to CarMultimedia” AKA… your uncle now knows why your rent is late and what you’re doing with your life when you’re not working a second job. My heart sank as my vibrator scooted itself in circles on my bedroom floor. Needless to say, I’m still in bed, shocked, maybe a little ashamed, definitely ready to pack up and skip town. Unfortunately for me, I still need to borrow his car today and thanksgiving is right around the corner. Oh, and rent is due today. If only I just used the aux cord from the start.
TLDR; I connected to my uncles Bluetooth speakers in his car whilst catching up on spicy site content. 🌶️
Dallenforth: It could be connected but he wouldn't know unless he changed input to Bluetooth from radio
Sunshine030209: My husband's car automatically switches to Bluetooth if something is connected to it.
Dallenforth: My car doesnt, so it's a coin flip.
Sunshine030209: You're right, it could go either way.
Mine doesn't either, which honestly annoys me. I'd prefer if it just switched to Bluetooth instead of me having to manually do it every time.
| 5 | 24.2 | |
1668460193 | 1668462673 | t3_yvcq2o | t5_2to41 | 2 | [deleted]: TIFU by starting talking to a person that didnt turn out to be who they are.
[deleted]
avalansh777: You voluntarily offered to Netflix and Chill with a psycho in the interests of justice??
PsychologicalFan9269: we dated b4 i just wanted to find out whats going on.
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1668467970 | 1668527319 | t3_yvg0fi | t5_2to41 | 10,123 | linkedtobusiness: TIFU by calling my mom a money grubbing whore at my brother’s engagement party
I hate my parents and my parents hate me. They did not want me to be there neither did I because being around any people suffocates me. My brother wouldn’t budge from trying to get me there, he’s the only person that cares for me in this world and I couldn’t say no to him.
My mom’s a sucker for money and she wasn’t happy with the gift that the bride’s side had bought for her. This is an Indian tradition where families exchange gifts with each other and was on the verge of throwing a visible tantrum to make them realise that she needed something fancier. My brother put some sense into her and she had to drop her plan. Music is generally loud here in such parties and I think I overestimated its loudness while saying “money grubbing whore” These were exactly the words I used and I could have said that inside my head but I didn’t because you negligently make some horrible decisions in life to later regret them forever. Somebody overheard me and somehow word got out that I called my mom a “Randi” which is hindi for a whore. You don’t use that word here if you come from a good family or if you want to pretend that you come from one and certainly not when family’s around and you definitely do not call your mom that.
Some relatives tried to have a word with me but I was taken to another room by my brother my parents were already inside and my mom was sobbing. This time I knew she wasn’t faking it. My parents didn’t say a word to me My brother asked me to apologise. I did but I don’t know why I felt the need to clarify that I didn’t use the word Randi exactly. After this my brother asked me to leave early. This happened four days ago and I haven’t found the courage to call my brother and neither has he called me. He did not deserve all this unnecessary drama on his day and all this could have been prevented if I had been a little more responsible. I also fear for the gf getting married into our family.
Tl; dr I called my mom a money grubbing whore somebody translated that to mean a literal whore and I was asked to leave early from his engagement party after I ruined the night for my brother and his would be wife.
SaxyOmega90125: Jeez. ESH, except your brother - good for him.
Er, wait, wrong sub.
tychozero: ESH? Please, enlighten me.
Edit: Thank you for the info kind strangers.
fatbunny23: In the amitheasshole sub, ESH is judgement for everyone sucks here
Zombie_Carl: Thank you, that’s one of those things I’ve always wondered about but keep forgetting to ask!
UroutofURelement: APOLOGIZE, CARL!
Zombie_Carl: Dad??
MouseRat_AD: Coral!
Purple_Freedom_Ninja: CAAARL! What did you bring for show and TELL?!
| 9 | 1,124.777778 | |
1668470814 | 1668539781 | t3_yvh433 | t5_2to41 | 138 | NewAgeRetroNerd: TIFU because I didn't dance with my crush at prom
Ok so this happened in summer this year I am just getting around to posting this now.
So for prom this year I got stuff together to go with a bunch of my friends including my crush and her brother. We all went to dinner together and then went to the dance. The thing is I spent most of the dance just dancing by myself of goofing off with friends. During the end of the prom a few songs came on and both my crush and myself were vibing. So I decided I was gonna work up my courage to ask her to dance but every time I moved to ask her one of my friends asked her to dance. And so that happened for the last few songs and then we all went home. Tbh I was pretty crushed I missed my chance. I talked to my friend about it and he honestly doesn't like her and didn't do it on purpose and I know him well enough to know he's telling the truth. He just was trying to be nice since she seemed kinda lonely to him and he has way less social anxiety then I do so he was able to move faster instead of me who was trying to work up the courage.
The only nice thing is even though my crush moved away soon after we still talk pretty regularly and have gotten a bit closer as friends at least. I haven't told her I like her yet because the time doesn't feel right to try to start a relationship long distance but I want to sometime sooner rather than later. And anyways she deals with some stuff and her personal mental health is more important then bugging her about a relationship or liking her. Tbh at this point I'm scared to tell her I like her because even if she doesn't like me I'd want to still be friends and I'm worried it would ruin our friendship.
TL;DR : I didn't work up the courage fast enough to dance with my crush at prom.
AcrobaticSource3: > my crush moved away
Here’s what would be cute. Next time you are video chatting, stand up your phone on a table/desk/whatever, take a few steps back, turn on a song, then start dancing. It really ham it up and be ridiculous. She will start laughing and asking you what you’re doing. Then you can say that you regretted not dancing with her at prom, so you’re making up for it now. There can be only 3 outcomes:
1) she thinks it’s sweet and watches you be silly, which brightens her day
2) she thinks it’s fun, then gets up and dances also, which brightens her and your day
3) she realizes that she wish she could’ve danced with you at prom too, gets up and dances also, and then after the dance, the ice is broken and the two of you talk about how you felt at prom and....maybe how you feel about each other now
This can really work, OP
WeReallyOutHere10: As cheesy as it is… this is fucking genius
[deleted]: sorry but no its not.
Good_Smile: Why?
[deleted]: Perhaps some would think its cute....i would think someone has a stroke. Wouldnt be my cup of tea at least.
I really dont like those over the top "movie like" moves. Those belong into movies if you ask me. If you want to show your affection it makes more sense to do mindful, helpful stuff and not some strange dance move in front of your camera.
JadeLogan123: How is it “movie like”? To me, it’s showing me that they can laugh at themselves, have a sense of humour and shows they care about you in a non-pressuring way. Majority of women like men who make us laugh. It’s attractive.
[deleted]: We like women who make us laugh too! :) Thats very attractive indeed.
I just dont think every women would think thats funny, and im like 99% sure you cant speak for all women aswell.
JadeLogan123: It wouldn’t necessarily make me laugh either but some people would find it funny. Not trying to speak for all women but I feel majority would agree with me, that humour is important.
| 9 | 15.333333 | |
1668463521 | 1668472794 | t3_yve5wx | t5_2to41 | 111 | sassyscorpio9: TIFU by not doing my homework at the airport
Honorary this happened almost exactly 1yr ago. tldr at the bottom.
On to the fuck up. I was living in Jordan as a study abroad student and decided to do a weekend getaway to Istanbul with a friend, as one does. However, due to a variety of mishaps, we missed our flight (around 4pm) and decided to stay at the airport until the next one (2am). Now for those who don’t know, the only thing at the Queen Alia airport in Amman is a Starbucks at the arrivals zone. Naturally, we end up sitting there thinking it’ll be a great chance to catch up on homework.
My friend puts on her earbuds and tunes out, but my ADHD self immediately starts eavesdropping on a woman on the phone across from us. She sounds distressed and is crying. About 30min in, 2 men with thick accents approach her and start trying to convince her to get on some flights. She refuses, saying she will only fly to X, Y, and Z European countries. They leave. 30min later, they’re back, and the argument starts again. This happens a few more times and then suddenly they come back with 4 men, two of whom are Jordanian plainclothesmen.
By this point, she’s trying to walk away from them and yelling, and all of a sudden one of them starts talking to her in Hebrew. She responds in English that she’s no longer Israeli, denounces her citizenship, and is going to get cash and buy her own ticket.
It’s now around midnight and the airport is empty, so my nosy (and worried) self decides to get up and watch her get the money since the men are still following her. She comes back to the Starbucks and announces she’s going to the bathroom so I follow her in and take the stall next to her. Not even a minute later, a women is knocking on the door saying they’re waiting for her outside. I go out after her and as she’s heading back to her luggage, the 4 guys come in from either side and physically pick her up and put her into a black SUV outside and drive off.
I then get approached by a guy who then pulls out his badge saying he’s an undercover Jordanian agent and needs to question me. I didn’t know any of my flight details because of the flight change and was following the woman so they I guess thought I was a spy? They eventually let me go and I returned to find my friend blissfully unaware of what happened, still doing homework. Needless to say, this experience still haunts me, definitely learned my lesson about procrastination. And for anyone wondering, the weekend getaway only got worse from there haha.
Edit: this is what the rest of the weekend looked like, for those who were curious.
We landed in the early AM and got lost on the ferry system. When we finally got to the AirBnB, they told us it was the wrong place and moved us (important, bc this is not the address on the booking). We then decided to go out for dinner and got drunk with some old British men who apparently were having a bachelor party. I then accidentally called the bachelor a geriatric. My friend and I then realized that our phones were dead, we didn’t know the address to the AirBnB, and we didn’t have chargers bc we accidentally brought the ones for our Jordanian outlets. Ended up spending 3hrs drunk, wandering the streets in the middle of the night with two of the Brits trying to find the place. When we did, the hotel staff stopped us and said only two in the room so my friend and one guy went in and I made the unfortunate decision to hook up with this guy in the hallway. The next morning, my friend and I managed to get to one landmark and then got stuck in so much traffic on the way to the airport that we missed our flights. Again. which would be fine, except this meant missing our Monday classes and we hadn’t signed the waivers for international travel. We made up an excuse for why we were missing class, got caught in the lie, and then after that entire hellish 72hr trip, got reprimanded for lying about our travel 😭
TL;DR: I was eavesdropping on a woman at the airport instead of doing my homework and I watched her get kidnapped and was questioned by the secret police because of it.
sharnikov: Damn… the agent just let them take her? What questions did they ask you?
sassyscorpio9: the agents were the ones who took her, it was some people in Jordanian police uniforms and 4 plainclothes men, two were Jordanian and the other two I think were Israeli bc they were speaking Hebrew.
They were asking me why I was hiding from the police, why I was watching the woman, where I’m from, what I’m doing in Jordan, etc, but it was in kinda broken English combined with my shit Arabic, so I think they thought I was lying about everything 😭. I also didn’t know my address or program information for the study abroad so it seemed kinda sus I guess
| 3 | 37 | |
1668476260 | 1668494619 | t3_yvj4jv | t5_2to41 | 68 | [deleted]: TIFU by telling a guy who won $1m from the lottery that I'm financially struggling
[deleted]
NostradaMart: You asking what he'd do with the money and then talking about how poor you are...you do get how it sounds...right ?
LurksAroundHere: Exactly.
*"I asked what he's gonna do with the money, he said not sure because he has plenty already so he's gonna just save it probably.*
*Then I explained my situation to him, I talked about how I'm poor and can't afford groceries."*
Yeah, just some "casual small talk". Shop guy knew what was up.
| 3 | 22.666667 | |
1668475477 | 1668531035 | t3_yviug3 | t5_2to41 | 154 | troubled_stranger: TIFU by trying to get back my vibrator
I should clarify that i bought it somewhere around March this year. I have a lot of issues and trauma regarding sex and experiences with it so i thought itd help me figure some things out about myself as well as help my issues with it. At some point it felt like part of me and was a coping meanism because it helped so much with any overwhelming emotions i was experiencing. But anyways.
Yesterday, morning im pretty sure, my mom (40f) was searching through my stuff. I dont remember the reason, it was probably just to find some of my clothes to wear. While she was digging through my drawers, she found my vibrator and immediately started screaming about it. She kept yelling about how its a problem and im too young and questioned whether i was a virgin or not. Even after i repeatedly told her that i am she kept questioning and yelling at me about if she didnt go through my drawers she wouldnt have found it. Later on that day, she took it away. Her excuse was that i have no business with an adult toy, that im too young, and that i should be waiting until im 18 to do things like this knowing full well she was 15-16 when she was doing this. She also then told me that im not seeing the problem since im a child and walked away.
The same day she took it away and came back home from work, i felt really upset and like i was treated unfairly during this considering she didnt even ask me why i had it in the first place. As soon as i asked her what the problem was, because she didnt tell me in the beginning, she immediately started yelling the same excuses she said before. When she was done with the excuses, she yelled at me to go call my granny and let her see if she'll let me keep my vibrator.
At that point i just snapped and called her all the names i couldve possibly said, i told her i hate her and this family and that she was delusional and unreasonable for acting as if horomones dont exist and for saying i had to wait mine out until i was 18 because i was at least handling this in a healthy manner instead of immediately trying to find a person to try it with and stormed off into my room
There were more things said and done obviously from both her and my side until she eventually just called my granny who in turned called me and told me im going to be staying with her and grandpa for the week to have a talk about it. Right now im terrified of whats going to happen and exhausted at the thought of even having this talk, so im just laying down until i have to
TL;DR My mom found my vibrator and took it. When i tried to get it back she refused, called my granny, and went on with her evening when i got upset about it
EDIT ::
For clarification, no i do not hate my mom just because of this. There were multiple events leading up to this and it all started even before i was in kindergarten. It wasnt until 3rd grade that i started to genuinely loathe everybody in this family since i was treated so horribly. (physical, mental, emotional abuse, etc)
Before i lashed out at her, i said i thought there was no problem with with since i wasnt doing these things with a person instead nor am i harming anyone by doing it. That only caused her to lash out more.
Using any logic/reason with this woman is useless because she'd only run loopholes, berate, and gaslight me constantly throughout the entire conversation. Ive tried it a lot before, it all ended with her yelling and invalidating me.
Please do not comment things like "guess your moms gonna have fun with that vibrator" it disgusts me to my core by the thought of her even touching anything of mine let alone using my vibrator.
This morning my mother said that she was getting involved within the conversation, however, im going to tell my granny that i will not have any conversation with my mom involved since id be uncomfortable with it and it was only supposed to me with me and her.
EDIT 2: My granny doesnt care about the vibrator at all thankfully. bad news is that i still have yo have a talk with my "mom" on saturday of this week. my granny will be there so i can say my piece but i highly doubt this is gonna fix any of my "mothers" behavior
Again with the "your mom might use the vibrator" please do not comment it. it makes me sick to my stomach even thinking that she used something that felt part of me let alone something that i used on myself first. Joke or not, it makes me severely uncomfortable and paranoid that she did.
Ill update you guys fully after the conversation happens and i get everything out to my "mother" without interruptions on her end. Thanks
OceanSupernova: Call her bluff and ask your granny if she thinks you're in the wrong when you talk to her, it might be hard but just explain it. The first paragraph you wrote here is all you really need when it comes to explaining your side of things. Even if your granny agrees that your mother is in the wrong though just leave it at that for a while, don't go straight to your mother saying granny thinks you're in the wrong because that will just throw more fuel on the fire and next thing all three of you are fighting.
With family stuff all you have to do is say what you need to and just give it time. Anything can be resolved, all you need is time.
If no one sees sense and your gran takes your mothers side I would just drop it rather than wasting your energy fighting them both. It was a really shitty thing for your mother to go through your stuff in the first place and I would just refocus your efforts into getting a lock for your bedroom door or at the very least a lock on your dresser. If your mother has a problem with this then explain to her how she invaded your privacy and made you feel guarded in a space which should be your own safe place.
Smirnus: Teens shouldn't expect any privacy while living with their parents. With that said, there's way more harmful behaviors than using a vibrator. I'm sure mom flashes back to all the decisions she made at that age and the regret she may have for those actions. Flipping out at her daughter may also push her further into decisions mom not agree with. Pregnancy, drug use, self harm would all scare me more than a bullet in my daughter's room.
[deleted]: Imagine thinking that masturbation and owning a sex toy are bad things, lmao.
Also, yikes at "Teens shouldn't expect any privacy while living with their parents". Boundaries must be established, for both parties. Everyone needs privacy and the comfort of their own space.
This is why everyone should legally have to go to therapy before having children, because holy shit this is an insane take.
Parttime-Princess: It seriously keeps surprising me every time I see a post with a teen not allowed to have a freaking door for their bedroom. Like what. Privacy is a human right
Smirnus: Tell that to your government
wraith1221: Do you have a tinfoil hat?
Smirnus: Do you have kids?
wraith1221: I’ve seen what parents like you are like go to therapy
Smirnus: The only things you know about me, O.P. or O.P.'s mom are what are posted here, which may or may not be complete truth. You get a different perspective when you are responsible for others that don't have the same sense of responsibility.
wraith1221: Privacy is a human right regardless if the fbi/cia secretly watch they legally can’t do much with the info they gather from illegal surveillance anyway.
Smirnus: Keep telling yourself that
| 12 | 12.833333 | |
1668481769 | 1668517903 | t3_yvl52s | t5_2to41 | 25 | Unhinged69420: TIFU by being unintentionally racist
I(F17) was talking to my brother(19) at our kitchen table when I saw that his phone had a tiktok paused on it. I was sitting across from him so it was upside down for me. On his screen it looked like a Chucky looking doll on a supermarket shelf. So I playfully said while laughing, "Ew what is that ha ha."
Unfortunately for me it ending up not being a doll but a black man.
My brother held his phone up for me to see and said, "That's a fucking human being what the fuck." He then put his earbuds back in and stopped talking to me.
So apparently the lighting was weird and made the man's skin look orange. And behind him on the wall were figurines and other collectibles that gave this illusion of him seeming like a doll.
I have never said or done anything that would make someone think I was a racist and so this incident made me have a bit of a panic attack and hide in the bathroom where I have been for the past 30 minutes writing this post.
TL;DR my brother probably thinks I'm secretly racist
Looniebomber: I’m a black woman - this is the funniest thing I’ve read in a while. Please laugh at yourself and explain to your brother the misunderstanding. Hopefully he laughs too. Seriously, re-read this shit!! Well written, wish I had an award to give!!!
Unhinged69420: Wow I didn't think of it that way, thanks! This really made me feel better.
Looniebomber: I’m glad I could help. I hope you have a beautiful week. I’m still giggling btw. 
| 4 | 6.25 | |
1668490758 | 1668509152 | t3_yvo5e4 | t5_2to41 | 21 | Hot_Comparison_2657: TIFU by not giving my house a once over before inviting company
So this happened last night. One my coworkers (and personal friend) texted me asking me to go to the Casino. I went and all was well and we had fun. He asks to come over and smoke and chill. I agree and we go back to my house. He sits in the chair and lights up. I notice he kept glancing in the corner at something and I wasn't sure what he was looking at. I don't think much of it and go back to my movie I had put on.
Fast forward he finally leaves the house and I go look in the corner to see what he was looking at.. low and behold my large sparkly buttplug that I had lost weeks ago was just chilling in plain site. Keep in mind me and this man do NOT have a sexual relationship or have even spoke about anything sexual.
So yeah that pleasant
TLDR: coworker spent 3 hours staring at my sparkly buttplug that I thought I had lost.
[deleted]: thats a creative way to advertise your OF i give you that.
mrdumbazcanb: I thought this was a joke comment at first, then I realized it's actually a serious comment.
[deleted]: i had a feeling im gonna see boobs when i press on her profile. i did not get disappointed.
WaltVinegar: I had almost the exact same experience, although I was still disappointed.
| 5 | 4.2 | |
1668496815 | 1668499521 | t3_yvpwb4 | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by getting coffee with a lady
[deleted]
Majestic-Scale-1868: Wait...she rejected you and you just ignored her afterwards?
And then now she catfished you and proceeds to slap you at the supposedly meetup? Fusion confusion... Either you are removing chunks of information or this story doesn't add up or she's crazy.
Im-a_fuck-up: Nah she's just slightly insane
Majestic-Scale-1868: You didn't explain anything. So she rejected you. Why? Now she's stalking you through another person's social media. Why? Because she's insane?
Sounds like she's madly in love with you and you're are ghosting her lol
Im-a_fuck-up: Sorry it's a very personal subject. I just don't want to share it with a ton of random strangers because it's just very personal also I feel like somebody could track me down very easily. I know that's a very paranoid thing to say but still. Also she's not madly in love with me we just knew each other for a long time and had a good friendship. She's mad at me because I haven't talked to her for 3 months which is completely reasonable. I guess she just wanted to talk it over we were close friends like I said.
Majestic-Scale-1868: Lol well, at least explain some of the points like u did here.
I feel like you have an issue here though, firstly you seem to be on a defensive when she rejected you, which is fair but have you told her that you both should stop communicating for awhile?
If you respectfully told her to create the distance and she still did what she did (bait you to meet up and slaps you), I would have slapped her back. Heh. 
It's unreasonable to slap anyone for not communicating for 3 months lol (regardless of gender).
Well for all we know she might be a redditor and on a lookout here as well xD be careful
| 6 | 0.666667 | |
1668511075 | 1668553811 | t3_yvu8tx | t5_2to41 | 34,288 | falcofromthestars: TIFU by writing a smut fanfiction for my girlfriend's birthday
[removed]
Dalze: > I let her know that maybe on her birthday I can send her the final version and she might like it better.
You doubled down?! My man....yeah, this actually made me laugh.
Dsoft1: Lol this has to be a shitpost. There is no way someone is this out of touch
Jrsplays: It has to be. There's no way someone can unironically include the line
> The last thing she said was that us getting trapped in the Wreck It Ralph and having to have a threesome with every adult character to escape was something that a severely ill person would come up with.
and not realize that they messed up big time.
FG88_NR: Clearly she felt the story was becoming repetitive and predictable. Not all encounters need to be a 3some, obviously.
mousebrakes: This. If you can't be creative in your fantasy sex life, how can you keep her interested in bed? You need more variety and unexpected scenarios OP
cutting_coroners: He’ll learn and get better on the next one
Next one: *The Jungle Book*
DrG2390: Hope he doesn’t see Zootopia or We Bought A Zoo hahaha
PanchoPanoch: It gets interesting with Monsters Inc
Snappyresponsebot: I wonder what it would be like with "Toy Story". I'm sure she would recognize Woody and Buzz. ;)))
JosephFDawson: I can see Coco already. Incest AND necrophilia!!!
| 11 | 3,117.090909 | |
1668510996 | 1668586413 | t3_yvu7x5 | t5_2to41 | 1,283 | Im-a_fuck-up: TIFU by running away when a girl made the first move
I would like to start this off by saying I have no concept of rizz whatsoever. With that being said I go to church with this girl w wll call her "ophelia" cuz I love that song. Anyway me and Ophelia are very close friends I noticed she was always a little more physical with me didn't think anything of it at the time. So we're sitting outside on a bench and just chilling we had walked over to McDonald's across the street from are church and she bought me something because I'm dirt poor. Anyway so we're sitting on this bench eating McDonald's and she HOLDS MY HAND. Damn near cried I do not know why I was so scared at the concept of somebody liking me. I do the natural thing I ran away faster than a pedo looking at Chris Hansen. McChicken in mouth just bolting it. I locked myself in the bathroom stayed there for like 20 minutes I don't know why I was doing this I was terrified. And then when I come out Ophelia sitting at the door of the bathroom just waiting for me. This poor girl it was almost in tears. I had to comfort for this girl for like the next 30 minutes.
TL;DR girl tries to hold my hand. I run away with my McDonald's and going lock myself in the bathroom. Girl waits for me outside bathroom. =Sad woman: (.
HighOnGoofballs: If she waited for you then you still have a shot
Im-a_fuck-up: Oh no I already took my shot she's my girlfriend now lol. Well I guess we're still sort of unofficial it's complicated.
ixramuffin: It's not complicated, you're just bad at communicating
Im-a_fuck-up: Probably lol
C00lK1d1994: “Hey do you want to be my girlfriend?” That’s how I got mine.
ZirePhiinix: OP ran away and hid in a toilet for 20 minutes. Still got the girl.
I think this one is a keeper IMO.
| 7 | 183.285714 | |
1668513983 | 1668521992 | t3_yvv9k2 | t5_2to41 | 39 | Potential_Problem719: TIFU by ruining my life by accepting to do something I literally am failing to do rn.
Okay it might not be today but I completed the first half of my secondary education 6 months back and let’s just say everything in my life was going very well. I was doing well academically and I can say I was enjoying life. But I made a decision to move to a foreign country where I would live alone for the second half of my secondary education and I would be trained for a competitive examination to get into a university with lower acceptance rate then Harvard. At that time I liked a good challenge and wanted some healthy competition. Now 6 months into this new lifeI think I’ve made a mistake and as much I hate to say this I think I’m depressed and lonely with no friends and I’m not even doing well academically, so yea I really screwed up by thinking I could do it.
TLDR; I’ve hit an all time slump and idk what to do anymore.
wombataholic: I wouldn't think of this as a FU. You spent 6 months experiencing a foreign land and decided it wasn't for you. Head home and do you next thing. It's only a FU if you don't make changes and stay miserable.
AhWhateverYo: Agreed. You haven't ruined your life, you're gaining experience in life. Everything isn't for everyone and we all make mistakes. Learn from them, still try new things, and keep it moving. You will be fine.
Potential_Problem719: This is nice. Thank you.
AhWhateverYo: You're welcome. 🙂
| 5 | 7.8 | |
1668515904 | 1668578330 | t3_yvw06i | t5_2to41 | 1,669 | throwaway47282828: Tifu by urgently needing a shit at college
Happened literally 2 hours ago, most mortifying experience of my life. (16f)
So I got the bus to college this morning, got there for 8:05, start college at 9. I bought a drink and after a bit suddenly felt like I really really needed the toilet. And i’ve never shat in a public toilet before, I don’t even pee in public. I walk into college trying to walk to the fourth floor toilets as I know they are most likely empty. But that’s 8 flights of stairs.
I didn’t make it up the stairs in time, and I was wearing like dark grey leggings and a hoodie. I kept having the “really desperately need a shit type of farts” and then it literally just happened at the top of the steps on the fourth floor. Luckily college was quiet so I kind of waddled over to the bathroom (single room bathroom, not stalls, which is why I went there originally). Door was locked and someone was in, so I had to wait.
I was still holding most of it in at this point but like I’d visibly shat myself because it was like more liquid than solid. Whoever was in the bathroom took ages because I waited like 2 more minutes until I felt like it was all gonna come out and knocked on the door because of panic.
Anyway this girl eventually flushed and comes out the toilets refusing to even look at me and with a really red face.
I ran in and the sudden movement caused me to fully shit myself before i got my leggings down and the door locked.
Turns out she used all the toilet paper left in that bathroom as well as clogged the toilet.
Wiped myself as best as I could using the underwear as no toile roll(not very well), used a pad to try hide the stain on my leggings. Then I sprayed myself and pulled my hoodie rlly low down to try cover up the obvious stain on my leggings.
Got the bus to the bus station which took over an hour (still had shit absolutely all over me but no idea what to do) then had to walk home which took around 30 mins. Got home, threw my knickers in the bin and had a long shower.
Never been more embarrassed before in my life.
TLDR: Stomach bug, didn’t make it to college toilets, other girl used all the toilet paper, got bus home with shitty clothes on
KISSOLOGY: This is a rare event but it does happen to adults! One time my boss was late getting to work to unlock the doors. I tried to make it to the next door business but just couldn’t do it.
Nobody knows except us.
Nezikchened: I feel like shitting yourself as an adult is a hidden rite of passage. Whether you’re drunk, high, or you just ate/drank something that didn’t agree with you, it’ll happen to everyone at least once.
ConfusedInTN: The hospital told me yesterday to empty my bowels even with an enema if I have to before surgery. Apparently people shit while under anesthesia. So yeah I'm going through my head all the surgeries I've had since childhood and cringing. Who knows how many operating tables I've shat myself on.
KISSOLOGY: Registered vet nurse: under anesthesia it’s less of you “pooping” but you just lose tension on the anal sphincter (it’s loose) and poop just works out.
For some fun trivia: sometimes we’ll do a temporary suture over the anus to prevent stool from coming out. It’s not ideal to have stool around when you’re doing surgery on bones
paigethesaige: Lmao do these people wake up like "why does my asshole hurt a bit?"
KISSOLOGY: Hopefully not! They’re usually in several opioids
| 7 | 238.428571 | |
1668518748 | 1668559905 | t3_yvx638 | t5_2to41 | 10 | needtechsupportalot: TIFU By charging my broken phone
I charged my broken Samsung a20 because i had a leap of faith that the screen would work again.
Back then we shared a room and i got the bunk bed
Before I broke my phone, i would go on my phone at night to browse reddit relay or something, i got caught and my mom made me put the phone on the shelf
So like 1 and a half years i was browsing reddit relay and then my older sister came in so i tried to put the phone back on the top but then it dropped
I then put it in the basement.
Fastforward a few months and i get my own room by living in the basement
I was cleaning and organizing when i saw my samsung a20
Ok so i charged it, nothing happens, but as im trying to sleep the alarm keeps going of every 5 minutes and now i cant sleep, it is really odd since my only alarms go off at 6:30
My mums solution was to put it in the laundry room
I can feel the vibrations still
Ok so I wrote that at like 10:45 pm and now im awake
My mom made no comments about this
I do not know where it is, but im glad that thing is gone
tldr; i was stupid and charged a phone that had a broken screen and now the alarm goes off every 5 minutes
PsychologicalFan9269: just put it in water
needtechsupportalot: the a20 is not water resistent
Spectre92ITA: That's the point.
| 4 | 2.5 | |
1668522039 | 1668554083 | t3_yvylo2 | t5_2to41 | 1,141 | [deleted]: TIFU by telling Polish soldiers that I eat pussy with absolutely zero context
[deleted]
DarthArtero: I actually really miss my time in Poland. The Polish troops were some of the chillest people I’ve ever met. We were stationed on a base that trained new recruits in artillery, so we got to watch the newbies train and grow.
Probably shouldn’t have to say this but I will; please don’t post your exact location in public forums. I’ve known several soldiers who did that in my unit, only for em to get reamed when the command found out
dark_fairy_skies: I have a friend who went on holiday to Poland, found some Polish squaddies to drink with, and ended the night licking one of their testicles for a bet.
10/10 would revisit.
painedinsomniac: \>"for a bet"
Sir_Phyroo: "a friend"
SpaceAgePotatoCakes: "one"
| 6 | 190.166667 | |
1668524056 | 1668528821 | t3_yvzgzt | t5_2to41 | 10 | [deleted]: TIFU by having my self esteem subjected to others
[deleted]
[deleted]: Sorry to hear this is going on. I would encourage you to focus on building up your self esteem and confidence yourself, independently of any friendship or romantic relationship (although friends can be a great help for reinforcing positive habits and loving self-talk!). If you aren't happy on your own, a relationship will never fix it - you'll either burn through partner after partner seeking a boost to your self-image that never lasts, or you'll burden your partner with propping you up - neither is healthy or sustainable long-term.
I am hopeful for you!
[deleted]: Thanks for your words, I'll work on being self sufficient on that aspect
[deleted]: It's definitely easier said than done :) If you have any hobbies that involve working or interacting with other people, I would definitely recommend spending more rime on those (or trying new things in that vain). I was very shy and self-conscious as a teenager, but participating in theatre helped me gain confidence and break our of my shell
| 4 | 2.5 | |
1668532780 | 1668534428 | t3_yw3leh | t5_2to41 | 134 | Skillsmaker21: TIFU by breaking my colleagues phone
So this was actually yesterday but I just learned the potential cost (€488,-).
Well what happened. I work in a restaurant and earlier that day the delivery with the new drinks came in. As always it’s a bit more than a full car (24 crates per car) and me being the oldest and tallest of the staff of the restaurant I’m almost always in charge of emptying the car and putting the crates FIFO (First In First Out) with the other crates. One small annoying thing. I have to lift these through a somewhat small hallway with the desk for personal stuff and the wardrobe for the jackets and boots of colleagues. Me being lazy and an overachiever I walk with 2 crates at the time. Downside of that is that I can’t see what’s exactly in front of my feet but that small path is almost always free. The part that went wrong was that on the desk a colleague decided to put his big battery for his e-bike on charge. On top of a tall but skinnier box. The other colleague whose phones broke, well that one was below that charging on the other available plug.
Me wanting to be fast and walking with 2 crates accidentally pushing the battery (because it reached out in front of the desk) which happened to then fell on the phone. Weight comparison would be a brick falling from half a meter on your phone.
I know it’s my fault and I’m going to pay him a new phone if €500,-, poor kid is just 14. But I am mad at my other colleagues because that desk is always to crowded with useless stuff and I complain about once a week after I cleane that desk again with saying keep it clean this time.
Tldr; I accidentally pushed a battery at weight of a brick on my colleagues phone. Got to pay €500,-
doctorhino: If something is hanging off a desk and gets nudged it's not fully your fault. I would try to split the cost with the person.
Skillsmaker21: The person who placed the battery so nicely or the owner of the phone?
doctorhino: Oh didn't realize it wasn't the same person. I would say the battery owner. Maybe you guys could split it 3 ways in that case. You aren't supposed to leave heavy things in precarious positions or your phone in a place you aren't in control of. It's kind of everyone acting together.
If your workplace has insurance they might be able to cover it as a workplace accident.
| 4 | 33.5 | |
1668534605 | 1668563493 | t3_yw4h8s | t5_2to41 | 34 | Jinniehatesyou: TIFU by being honest about my bf's haircut
I'm (f,20) a really honest person most of the time and my bf (m,20) really appreciates that. But my problem is that sometimes I speak my mind even if it's brutally honest and hurts people's feelings. It's something I'm working on. Anyway my bf had beautiful long hair that curled up near his ears and made him look so pretty. He loved this style so much and it suited him the best but his parents don't like it at all. They have been pushing him to get his hair cut for ages and him being tired of the constant nagging, got his hair cut today. He intended to just trim it a bit so that his parents would shut up about it. The hairstylist did an awful job and hacked off a huge part of his hair leaving only a bit in the front and buzzed at the back. When i first saw it, i was so shook and tbh a little sad that all his locks were gone. I got a bit emotional and said it looks awful. This is where i fucked up. What i should have done is comforted him and even lied to make him feel better cuz he had gotten insecure about it especially since his friends made a laughing stock out of it. I feel terrible even though i tried to make up for it by telling him he still looks so pretty (which isn't a lie) but i feel like i hurt him with my stupid honesty.
TL;DR bf got an awful haircut and i was honest to him about it straight to his face. Tried to fix it but im not sure it helped
trihydroboron: In my experience brutal honesty is typically just tactless delivery.
AnonoMussChick: After growing up quite a bit, I agree.
| 3 | 11.333333 | |
1668534714 | 1668560491 | t3_yw4j7d | t5_2to41 | 2,339 | Altruistic-Storm11: TIFU by shaving my beard and having my face clean shaven for the first time in 3 years
TIFU by deciding to randomly shave my beard. Now its not like a duck dynasty beard, but I have had various lengths of a full beard for the better part of 3 years. Even before that is was rare when I would shave it all off (usually for work if i needed to wear a respirator). I've been exercising and eating betterfor the past several months and I have lost a healthy amount of weight. Today while I was bored and home alone I decided to shave my beard off for shits and giggles.
I was excited, thought I looked younger and took a silly progress photo when I only had a moustache for Movember. Sent photos of my newly shaven face to some friends and family for reactions. That was my second mistake. Mostly everyone just replied with "You look better with facial hair" and various "It looks nice, but..." . Although my partner decided to dig one step further and say "I forgot you had a butt chin" and "Your cheeks and jaw are like a chicken breast" as they playfully slapped my face.
I know my partner was being a bit silly and teasing which is fine, but man I didn't realize I was that alone on the idea I thought I looked decent without facial hair. Unanimous response kind of hurt my feelings a bit. Looks like I won't try that again for another 3 years.
TL;DR - Shaved my beard. Thought I looked good, friends and family universally disagreed. Disappointment ensues.
HothHanSolo: You know who else has a butt chin? [Henry Cavill.](https://phantom-marca.unidadeditorial.es/154bdb0390eaed07cbe1b39c11988456/resize/1320/f/jpg/assets/multimedia/imagenes/2022/10/20/16662224157675.jpg)
Altruistic-Storm11: And that man is a gorgeous, wonderful human being. Who is also about 8 inches taller and about 80lbs more of muscle than me haha. But I'll take the comparison!
panaceainapen: If it makes you feel better, I am female with a butt chin that occasionally gets accented by like 5 dark hairs that like to grow there. I can pluck the hairs, but the butt chin remains
ThisGuyRightHereSaid: if it makes yous twos feel better I actually LIKE the butt chin.
wolfgang784: The way you worded that I at first thought you were calling them 2s like 2/10s lol
ThisGuyRightHereSaid: i think in my head i was saying like joe pesci in my cousin vinnie.
wolfgang784: Yes, that came across fine after I re read it several times =p I'm also super sick tho so my thoughts are a bit scattered.
| 8 | 292.375 | |
1668535904 | 1668553705 | t3_yw53u0 | t5_2to41 | 95 | [deleted]: TIFU by using Pimeye to look up pictures of brother's girlfriend.
[deleted]
gofatwya: If she's exclusively seeking casual encounters with other women, consider the possibility that your brother is already aware of this, and okay with it.
ThrowawaypimeyeFU: I did consider this, however in her profile she lists that she is divorced and mentions nothing of being in a relationship and says "I want to meet a woman, love of my life."
Also I know my brother pretty well and he is not likely the type of person who would be okay with sharing, even if it was with another woman.
Anything is possible I suppose, but her profile doesn't imply that anyway.
Hospitalwater: You don’t know your brother that well if you don’t think he would want to watch his gf bang another girl. In fact you don’t know the male gender that well.
Adeep187: You think you know a lot more than you do.
ThrowawaypimeyeFU: And you know jack shit?
aaronbennay: He was replying to the same guy lol he was agreeing with you
ThrowawaypimeyeFU: Oh whoops, my bad. So used to a few people on this thread being whiny bitches haha. My apologies Adeep187.
Hospitalwater: Dude you’re deep scrubbing the net to try and see your brothers girlfriend naked. I hope when you go tell him you have to explain how your found it.
ThrowawaypimeyeFU: Apparently you don't understand English so not gonna bother addressing you anymore.
| 10 | 9.5 | |
1668538636 | 1668567816 | t3_yw6957 | t5_2to41 | 16 | myselfserena: tifu by touching my female bestfriend and now i feel like a pervert
I'll cut straight to the chase.
I was hanging out with my female bestfriend, we'll call her Sue, and we were chilling. We were going home when I asked if i could touch her thighs and ass. She said sure, weird but alright. So i did. Few moments later i asked if i could touch boobs, and although hesitant, Sue agreed. And then i asked her if i could touch her pussy. I was in a relationship at the time, so she said she didn't want to be the reason for me breaking up with my partner, so she felt uncomfortable about it. I was being dumb and was horny, so i asked her a few more times. She said no, and went home. After that I texted her asking if i did anything wrong and apologizing a lot, but she said it's all cool. I asked her multiple times over the course of a week if there was anything wrong between us. She said "chill out, we're cool". Not her exact words, but you get the gist. I felt relieved but still doubted my actions.
A week after that I heard about a friend throwing a pizza party. He invited Sue, but she said she felt uncomfortable around me, and didn't want me there. So i wasn't invited. I get to hear this from a good friend of mine, we'll call him John who was also invited. He found this to be weird, cuz Sue and i always got along together very well. A few days after this, John decides to confront me. And when I say confront i mean interrogate me. He ordered me to tell him all about what i did with Sue. I felt scared, cuz both Sue and John know secrets about me that could cripple me socially. I told John what i did. He said i fucked up the moment I asked her to do anything. John said that Sue told him already what i had done and wanted to hear about it from me. I was feeling horrible at what i had done and still do. John got a call and went home after that. So i went home and wondered where i got the audacity to do such a thing, both to my ex and me. So i texted Sue and apologized for what i did, and said that it would be better if i didn't talk to her and distanced myself from her.
I broke up with my ex on unrelated terms, but i have kept this a secret from her. I don't plan on telling her anytime soon. We were thinking about getting back, but then i said i didn't want to date anymore, and haven't spoken to since. I feel like shit about what I've done and i don't know what i should do to get on good terms with both John and Sue. I want to date my ex again, but I think I'm not fit to date anyone, now that I've gone ahead and made this mess. My lust would only get in the way of me having a girlfriend. I've become broody and arrogant and feel like crap overall. It's affecting my sleep and mental health. I'm worried if i tell my ex she won't take me back, and neither will our mutual friends. I've left most groupchats I'm in that include Sue or my ex, and don't talk much to any of the group members anymore.
So far only John knows about this incident. I'm grateful to have him for talking some sense in me. But I don't feel as if I deserve mercy for my actions. What can I do?
Tl;dr i touched my bestfriend with her consent while having a girlfriend, she felt uncomfortable, best friend finds about it and confronts me, i feel like an asshole for what i did, gf and i break up on unrelated terms and want to get back together, but i feel guilty about having a girlfriend now.
Edits: few small edits in grammar
SpellDostoyevsky: Yeah man, I don't think you're emotionally mature enough for a girlfriend right now.
Touching another woman while being with a women is cheating, and you're doing it with your friend group in a very foolsih and lustful way.
That said, this is pretty common for young people, you're going to make mistakes, what is left for you now is to atone and move on with your life, and sone of the friends you had may not want to carry things forward with you, understandably so.
But, and I mean this seriously, the last thing you need to be doing is wallowing in self hatred and self pity, that is exactly how you make more mistakes and end up in deeper and more complex problems.
Tell your friends you aren't going to date anyone for awhile, that you're going to work on yourself and not allow this situation to happen again. You have plenty of time to find a girlfriend, but wheb you do you want to make sure you're actually going to be able to hold a torch for someone and not take them or your female friends for granted.
myselfserena: what should I do then? I can't trust myself anymore now that this has happened, and i don't expect others to trust me either. How do I work on myself?
SpellDostoyevsky: Trusting yourself is the same as trusting others, you have to examine your motivations and make changes/choices that reflect a higher ethic.
For example most 18-25 year olds have a high sex drive, they're down bad. Do you want to have casual sex? If so, you need to be upfront about your intentions and practice safe and consensual sex. If you want to have a relationship, you need to examine why you want to have a relationship, sex isn't the only reason to be with someone. You need to find out exactly if and why you want a relationship and what your role is in that relationship. If you don't know the answer to these questions then you shouldn't be in a relationship, you should be figuring out what you want out of life.
If you follow through on what you need to figure out, you will slowly regain that trust and confidence in yourself, if you don't l, you're going to become a man drifting from one mistake to the next, hating yourself more for every additional transgression until you become a total scumbag who hates their self and eventually doesn't see a point in continuing.
myselfserena: Thank you. Truly
| 5 | 3.2 | |
1668543625 | 1668615925 | t3_yw8dyj | t5_2to41 | 695 | [deleted]: TIFU and am now being extorted for blackmail nudes
[removed]
apexncgeek: The extortion here is the extortion hotline
ForkShirtUp: There's a service that helps pay down the fees for the extortion hotline. They charge $500 a month
apexncgeek: Heh. Funniest thing I've read today .
I heard about that. I looked it up and I'm willing to share the number for a one-time fee of $1,000.
playcs: a grand is kinda steep all at once I can get you in touch with one of my special brokers that can help you finance this 1000 dollar fee over the span of 24 months with 0% interest. It’ll only be a 450 down payment plus 250 process & paper handling fee!
Beautifulblueocean: Just pay me 10% of the $1,000 fee and I will pay all your fees and kick all these scam artists in the nuts.
Unlikely_Ad_7030: *foot and money not included
Beautifulblueocean: Yeah the foot is an extra surcharge per show size restrictions apply. 20 dollars per shoe size.
| 8 | 86.875 | |
1668545317 | 1668548319 | t3_yw93p8 | t5_2to41 | 0 | Important_Art_2177: TIFU by “milking” a bull and sharing the “milk” with my friends.
[removed]
MechaBeatsInTrash: So how long does it take to jack off a bull?
Important_Art_2177: Not too long. Got the “milk” in under a half hour.
MechaBeatsInTrash: You didn't find it suspicious that milk didn't accumulate with each stroke?
Important_Art_2177: First time milking animal. All I knew is that you get the milk by pulling on the udder.
MechaBeatsInTrash: I guess you've never watched a video either. Or understand the meaning of mammal. Or, the most ridiculous, never masturbated.
| 6 | 0 | |
1668544985 | 1668573098 | t3_yw8yms | t5_2to41 | 43 | nagumi: TIFU by watching a mysterious movie where everyone has high pitched voices.
This happened just now.
So I just started watching the film Barbarian. I won't spoil it, but I'll mention a few very very minor things! Everyone says you shouldn't know anything about the movie before watching it, so I didn't watch the trailer. All I knew is that the movie has some crazy twists.
So there's a girl and a guy, and they meet. And the weird thing is, they both have high, nasal voices. That's weird but the plot doesn't seem connected to it. Then, awhile into the film there's a third character. Also has a high, nasal voice. Nothing that weird, but it's an odd coincidence! Then one of the characters makes a phone call and the person on the other end - you guessed it: high and nasal.
At this point I'm completely fascinated. This movie is giving off some awesome vibes, some really interesting stuff is happening that's very mysterious and unnerving, and everyone has these high voices. Is this movie more sci-fi than it appears?
That's when I realize that I was watching it at 120% speed. I'm 35 minutes in and everything's been just a bit too fast. I thought it was really well paced! Anyway, now I'm watching the rest of the movie at normal speed and I must say it's much improved. I haven't finished it yet but had to post.
TL;DR: Watched a mysterious movie where everyone speaks with high pitched nasal voices. Turns out it was playing at 120%.
**IF YOU WANT TO POST SPOILERS, PUT THEM IN A SPOILER TAG!** Here's how:
>!spoiler text goes here!<
waluigi-official: I accidentally listened to half a podcast on 1.5x speed that I thought was just the hosts making fun of a guest talking fast
you-are-not-yourself: I usually listen to news at 1.3x and comedy at 1x, but every now and then when I screw it up I usually notice because the comedy is more energetic and, frankly, more enjoyable
| 3 | 14.333333 | |
1668549178 | 1668549784 | t3_ywaqt4 | t5_2to41 | 19 | Interesting-Sir-3770: TIFU by cutting jalapeños then sending spicier text messages.
Hello reddit, I never thought I’d have such a stupid and embarrassing story like this under my belt but I believe the best way to cope with this hilarious fault is by talking about it.
I (F) was cutting up some jalapeño peppers a couple hours ago to make chili for dinner. After that, I washed my hands a few times and then did the dishes and washed my hands again afterwards. I’ve probs washed my hands about three or more times by this point.
After my chores, I get on my xbox to talk with some friends and my bf (lets call him J for this story). To spare the details, J (M) sends me a text letting me know that he thinks I am quite breedable while we are talking with friends (no, he did not verbally say this in the presence of others), so we both decide to mute our mics and to send some spicy texts to each other because…hormones.
I was already aware of the fact that the capsaicin was in my hands and I probably should not caress the coochie with my peppery paws, so I decided to use my bf with batteries to be on the safe side while texting J explicits.
To my dismay, my vibrator died on me mid way, so I had to swap to hands and I completely forgot about my burning hands because I tend to be a little bit of a smooth brain. After J and I finished, my climax quickly turned into a curse. Its like I casted a fireball spell on my clitoris and I immediately saw my life flash before my eyes. The next 30 mins that followed were filled with burning pains inside and out of my crotch.
I immediately texted J the regret that had flooded my mind like a tsunami of sorrow. He felt so horrible for me and tried his best to help (bless his soul, I love him).
TL;DR: I cut jalapeños for dinner then touched my crotch with burning hands (didnt even notice they were burning) while sending bf explicit messages. The next 30 mins were hell and I am now laughing about it.
ImpalaGala: Oh. My. God.
I can’t even imagine the pain. Holy shit.
Interesting-Sir-3770: Oh it stung pretty bad, like five times worse than getting the oil on your hands. I’m fortunately doing okay now. J and I are still laughing about the experience.
| 3 | 6.333333 | |
1668549959 | 1668636625 | t3_ywb29c | t5_2to41 | 133 | Promarksman117: TIFU by forgetting that I needed to renew my driver's license over 10 months ago. Now I have to retake the driver's license exam.
I don't know what the laws are for other states but the one I live in only gives a 6 month grace period to renew your license after it expires without taking a test. It's impossible to renew after six months and you have to get your temps again and then take the license exam all over again.
What's even better is that a bunch of exam stations closed all across my state including my local one so the wait times are absurd for taking the exam. The soonest opening I could find within a 45 minute drive was on the 12th of December. I don't have any worries about the driving portion. Especially since I've never been pulled over or gotten a ticket. It's the maneuverability test that I absolutely hate. I can accept failing it if you knock over the cones but the rule that you lose points if you stop at all is absurd. Stopping only shows that I'm more careful when parking. You also have to wait 7 days if you fail but with the wait times that would mean 3+ weeks between each test.
If you are 24 or 25, remember to renew it so you don't have to take the exam and the maneuverability test if your state has it. Especially if your state has a maneuverability test and your car has poor maneuverability like a van or truck. I'd rather walk a mile than parallel park.
TL;DR Forgot that driver's licenses expire and now I have to retake the license exam and the wait times are over 3 weeks.
you-are-not-yourself: Pro tip: check your DMV daily even after you've made an appointment, closer spots often open up.
I always renew my license online before it expires, because I nearly failed the eye exam last time and you don't have to deal with it online. It usually expires on milestone birthdays, so give yourself an early birthday present next time it happens!
1dabaholic: uh, if you almost failed the eye test… please don’t endanger the rest of us.
you-are-not-yourself: I knew someone would think this so here's some more context. I passed the eye exam, and my vision hasn't changed since then, so there's no real problem. I also wear glasses while driving nowadays anyway, I don't need to give up a personal freedom to do so. The glasses primarily correct my prism which is not covered in the eye test.
m3003: Personal freedom to kill one of us because you chose not to wear your glasses?
you-are-not-yourself: You have no clue what you're talking about. There's nothing wrong with what I'm doing, nearly failing an eye exam in one eye doesn't equate to killing people. I explained the situation above and I have no more information to add.
1dabaholic: You said you avoid going because you almost failed a vision test… that’s concerning
you-are-not-yourself: And I also said my vision hasn't changed since then (which is what the DMV asks you on the online form), and that I have a pair of glasses that I use for driving, despite not being required to. Your concern is appreciated but at the end of the day I know my capabilities and how to be safe on the road.
Edit: for the record, I am only nearsighted in one eye, so the question for me is not whether things are blurry, it is whether I have adequate depth perception on the road, which I do. If you still want to hate on me after knowing that, that's fine - you're probably not a qualified eye doctor.
1dabaholic: have you had regular eye tests? it’s extremely uncommon for there to be zero change over the years. You are a danger. If you don’t like it, doesn’t matter. still a danger. Hopefully you don’t put your friends or worse kids lives at stake too.
you-are-not-yourself: I have yearly eye tests and my vision has not changed since I was a kid. It is very common for vision to not change, a stable prescription is one of the criteria for LASIK. Enough with the hyperbole here. I'm not a danger on the road - if you think I am, you're the one who's wrong, but because you don't know me personally beyond this detail I shared, that's okay if you want to think that.
institutis: what’s your eye score?
you-are-not-yourself: I am nearsighted in only one eye. Given that I barely passed the DMV test with that eye, you can probably figure it out from there.
institutis: better than being near sighted in both eyes like me lol
| 13 | 10.230769 | |
1668551751 | 1668604065 | t3_ywbt4t | t5_2to41 | 26 | OlofTheDestroyer: TIFU by going on 3 successful dates
Okay so… my tinder game has not been going to good in the past, few matches, fewer replies, cancelled dates… oh all the cancelled dates I’ve been through.
Anyways so but this time I got matches with a girl, we chatted a little and agreed to go out on a Wednesday. Then I matches with someone else, we seemed to click and I was like you know what that other girl is probably gonna cancel so I’ll ask this one out as well for the Thursday. She didn’t answer so I reckon she got scared to just wasn’t interested. Then I got a match on Hinge and this time she asked me out i said yeah and that Friday works. Then the girl from tinder replied that Thursday would be great…
At this point I was a little nervous. I had 3 different dates all back to back, but I thought that 2 would probably get cancelled or something. None did, I went on all three dates and they were all awesome!
Problem is… I don’t know what to do now… I can’t seem to chose one person over the other, at least not before getting to know them more. But I also don’t want to go on dates with 3 different ppl at the same time because it just feels weird.
What do I do?
TLDR; I went on 3 back t back dates with 3 different people and now I don’t know how to continue…
HerbertWigglesworth: This is generally how a lot of people date, it’s not unusual.
If one date goes beyond the ‘getting to know’ stage then you can politely inform the others if there’s various conversations going.
If someone asks before then, be honest. “Yeah I’ve been on a few dates recently, I’m enjoying getting to know new people but nothing serious has come about yet” etc.
Some people may not like this but they can politely withdraw too.
If you don’t know how to pick, don’t force it.
Continue to date as it comes naturally to you and the others, sure they’re all different
Mode-Klutzy: Now if they’re good people, they will understand and relate to this scenario. You’re not dirty cheating behind their backs, like, you’re just simply throwing yourself out there. Being honest in theory should yield an understanding and calm response.
HerbertWigglesworth: Exactly, I wouldn’t be upset - I’d be grateful for the honesty, and understanding that there’s 8 billion other people out there.
If someone was bothered, I’d take it as a red flag if they acted childish about it.
| 4 | 6.5 | |
1668555944 | 1668556692 | t3_ywdiec | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: Tifu by thinkung im good with tech
[removed]
drback33: Im more interested in seeimg what got shown on the cast
greenleaf405: Click on the image that is blured
| 3 | 1 | |
1668557559 | 1668559791 | t3_ywdl1d | t5_2to41 | 10 | z-eldapin: More a Gen X move than a Gen Z.
LionsLioness: Heyyyy, we Gen Xers just whatever that and don't need an excuse 😂
z-eldapin: Truth
| 3 | 3.333333 | |
1668561203 | 1668617705 | t3_ywfg7e | t5_2to41 | 11 | Mysterious_gecco: TIFU by taking a weed edible
TRIGGER WARNING FOR: Drugs, contemplating self harm, and mentions of dying.
Also this story exceeded the reddit word limit so im gonna finish the rest in the comments.
This happened on friday, but I needed time to calm about the situation and get permission to post.
So Friday I wanted to visit my boyfriend, mainly because I got him a new shower head. My bf has complained that the shower head in his new apartment was shitty, so I wanted to get him one..but I wasn't sure if I wanted to go to his house because I had a bad feeling about it.
My boyfriend lives with his friend who is a bit of a druggy.The friend, (fake name Bob), ordered some weed and edibles on a website on the clear web. I wanted to take edibles because when I smoked weed, I accidentally did too much and ended up coughing badly. I also have the effects of secondhand smoke because I used to live with my dad, who was a chronic smoker. I took an edible in the past from a CBD store, but it was only 25 mgs so I did well with the edibles…however the edibles my friend bought were 300 mg. I'm new to weed and I never really took high doses, so this ended in disaster.
I forgot how high the mgs were, and I didn’t think much of taking a high dosage because of the effects high doses make my boyfriend and Bob feel. I also had no knowledge of anything about what weed trips are like and how there is such a thing as bad a weed trip. I always thought weed made you relaxed and lazy, but when I took that edible it was completely the opposite. Previous friends of mine did tell me the bad side effects of weed but not into detail. I assumed that it was laced as I was told weed isn't supposed to make you feel bad.
The day I took the edibles I had also taken my prescription drugs late. On the way to my boyfriend’s house I took my meds, which included antidepressants and mood stabilizers. Bad idea. I am very slow and didnt realize how this could turn into a disaster.
Not long after taking an edible and smoking an electric cig with weed in it, I became very spacey, giggly, and my memory was terrible. It took maybe 30 minutes or less for the edible to kick in. My boyfriend wanted me to go in his room to cuddle and watch tv. He wanted to eat his sandwich at his computer desk first, which I began crawling on the ground and laying my head on his lap. After he finished we layed in bed and watched netflix, but I went on a manic laughing episode for probably 30 minutes if I can estimate. I remember sex education was on and one of the female characters was in shot and I began laughing because I thought she was Billie Eillish or however you spell it. The laughter got louder and louder until I blacked out.
I was blacking out multiple times and would wake up laughing but after the last blackout I had, I woke up and realized that this wasn't like me to laugh hysterically and have these weird small hallucinations and blackouts. I started dissociating and physically felt and saw myself outside my own body. I ended up freaking out and telling my bf that this wasnt right and nothing is real. He kept trying to comfort me, but I ended up panicking more because I hated that I worried him. I thought it can't be real, because I could never hurt him like that. I ended up crying for probably 30 minutes or something. I don't remember; I kept going in and out of I’m assuming consciousness. I was having an actual panic attack and having these hallucinations and blackouts. Everything was fading black and I remember me and my boyfriend were holding each other while decentigrating. I’m crying and squeezing my boyfriend, saying he's fading. He kept having to tell me that he's real and everything was ok. Bob came in wondering what was wrong and my boyfriend told him I was crying and thinking things weren’t real. Bob dismissed it and went back to his room and I’m left crying and waiting for my bf to get back in bed.
I don’t remember how but I ended up on the ground. I was extremely hot and naked. I felt like I was going to lose all consciousness and faint or something. I kept telling my boyfriend I was gonna die and I should've listened to my mom about not doing edibles specifically. I was losing all my senses and nearly stopped responding to things until I heard my boyfriend cry while holding me. I said something deep to him and decided to stop crying and try to stay awake as much as I could for him.
TL;DR I took a weed edible not long after taking my prescription meds and possibly nearly died at worst or had a bad trip at best.
gor3kitt3n: weed does not make you trip. it’s not a hallucinogenic. shrooms and acid make you trip. what you experienced was most likely a panic attack from extreme overstimulation due to not being used to that high of a state. it’s always a good idea to start very small if unsure, and work your way up. again, not to be confused with a hallucinogenic
gor3kitt3n: and please, only buy from trusted sources. test your stuff for anything it may be laced with. if you were truly “tripping” please do not buy from that source again, and make sure to be safe and test. sellers will cut corners just to make more profit without caring about individuals often times
Mysterious_gecco: I checked the source with my friend who does weed. They told me that they've bought the same brand of weed product, except using the oil instead of an edible. They had the same side effects as me but not as severe (still bad tho). They said that it was most likely laced and i believe it was. Either that or it mixed with my meds and created the hallucinations. They told me buying weed from the clear web is bad because its not real weed.
gor3kitt3n: i did some research and what they’re describing sounds very similar to fentanyl, especially the hot feeling is very common. it fucking sucks how common it is for thc products to be laced with such nowadays):
Mysterious_gecco: I looked up anything similar it couldve also been laced with PCP/Embalming fluid but not sure
gor3kitt3n: yikes): that’s so scary omg
| 7 | 1.571429 | |
1668563584 | 1668907809 | t3_ywgbey | t5_2to41 | 11 | cleverwings: TIFU by overdrinking
I (f26) and my housemates (boyfriend m27 and roommate nb25) have all been suffering some kind of plague since last Friday. Every symptom on the "flu-like" spectrum, mostly fatigue, brain fog, muscle and joint pain, and as of Sunday, coughing. Yep, we ended up getting tested, yep, turns out it's COVID.
Before realizing what we were actually sick with, my boyfriend and I had a day where we were feeling too tired and loopy to game, collab write, etc. like we usually do, but too antsy and bored to do something more passive like watch a show. Us being slightly depressed 20-somethings, we decided "Hey, alcohol will fix this. We'll get drunk and just veg." Predictably, with our judgment already low, we got pretty messed up.
At this point, I get it, not really Reddit material. This is where the fuckup starts. Later in the evening as we're thinking about bed, boyfriend passes me a Motrin PM for my aches and roommate mentions it has a sleep aid as well. Never had problems with medication and it's over the counter, so I take it without really thinking about it. Flash forward to about 1 am and I wake up absolutely falling apart. End up puking and assume it's because of the alcohol, feel better after and head to bed where bf offers me another Motrin as I'm feeling horribly achey.
Yeah, turns out I don't react well to diphenhydramine (active ingredient in Benadryl, now I can safely say I understand why people are always making "because you can't sneeze when you're in a coma" jokes about it). End up spending another 3 hours up sick to my stomach, shaking, dizzy and hyperventilating when I could've taken an ibuprofen and gone back to sleep.
TL;DR I drank while sick, had a bad reaction to a sleep med, blamed it on the alcohol and took another one 🙃
nzdennis: Alcohol is poison
kerplunkerfish: 100% of people who drink water die.
Your point is?
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1668569772 | 1668614449 | t3_ywildc | t5_2to41 | 11,839 | TheManaDork: TIFU by telling my 10-year-old I'd eat a foot-long hot dog whole if she got all A's
This Happened a few months ago. My Daughter does very well in school. Last year was a very rough year for my family. My FIL passed away from Covid. They were closer than I've ever been with someone. Her grades slid a bit, as to be expected. From AB to a few Cs. Not upset about that in the slightest. But she was hyper-distracted all school year last year and over the summer. She asked "Dad, what would you do if I got all As?" I dont remember her asking nor my response but she said that I said, "Id eat a foot-long hot dog whole and stream it if she got all As". That 100% is something I would say. Now I'm staring down the end of the Semester and her 95%+ average is staring me in the face. I DO NOT want to do this but I am a man of my word. At this point, I'm trying to find a brand of Weiner that sells footlongs. I keep thinking about how I'm going to look like a Seagul trying to eat that hot dog. She wants me to stream it so bad. I keep telling her I dont think my 22 followers give a flying footlong. Im trying to figure a way to just film it and put it on youtube. Sorry for my rant. Im proud as hell of her and couldnt be happier...for her grades. Just not excited about this.
TL:DR, Told my Kid id eat a hot dog in one bite if she got all As, and boy did she deliver.
For everyone asking, https://www.youtube.com/themanadork is my channel! Blue Potion Vial. Oh boy...
amaggi3: Where can we stream this fine programming
I_might_be_weasel: Shock video sites.
*Man chokes on hot dog and dies in front of daughter.*
Lunaeri: “Hey mom, what would you do if I got straight A’s?”
Temporary_Thing7517: Break both of your arms ;)
Carbidekiller: How would sex with mom help at a time like this?
sackman32: WTF reddit
beipphine: Who left the poop knife sticking out again?
ZimmerDude1999: What the fuck is a poop knife?
SuicidalTorrent: [This](https://www.reddit.com/r/MuseumOfReddit/comments/ke8skw/the_poop_knife/).
Experienced_AP: It's been a while since someone posted the OG content for a redditor.
I can't remember the last one.... One of them was the nurse talking about the patient that lost all their shit in the ED on her.
kaipo9403: The swamps of degobah?
Experienced_AP: Yes!
| 13 | 910.692308 | |
1668575096 | 1668602815 | t3_ywkf4j | t5_2to41 | 30 | c0uldashouldawoulda: TIFU by scaring a delivery person
This actually happened today. I was waiting for an Uber to meet my parents for lunch. I had half of a cherry pie and wanted to bring it for them.
When my Uber arrived I realized I had left the pie inside, I excused myself and ran back in. As I was walking to his car I heard something rattle inside the box and realized it was a medium sized kitchen knife I had used to cut the pie. I hurriedly removed the knife and in my panic to get to the Uber I placed it off to the left outside my front door.
A few hours later I missed a call from my neighborhood security company and assumed it was regarding a delivery I was expecting. Upon returning home I was met by a laughing security guard with quite the tale to tell.
Apparently the delivery driver was attempting to drop off my package and spotted what he thought was a blood soaked kitchen knife. He went to security and reported a bloody knife and wanted them to call the police. They called me and when I didn't answer they came to take a look. Luckily the security guard noticed it wasn't blood and everything calmed down.
Somehow the driver forgot about my package and took it with him.
TLDR: Left cherry pie covered knife outside my door and freaked out a delivery driver.
Van_GOOOOOUGH: How did the security guard know it wasn't blood? Did he taste it? "Mmm cherry pie"
c0uldashouldawoulda: Probably noticed the chunks of cherry while he was licking it.
Mode-Klutzy: Oh yeah yeah detectives and police just lick red knives now… yeah sounds right…
| 4 | 7.5 | |
1668576228 | 1668614492 | t3_ywksg3 | t5_2to41 | 30 | Lost-Resolve6155: TIFU: By accidentally messaging my father an escort site I was researching.
Hello, just last night around 1am I was researching adult hugging time websites for a variety of reasons. I had multiple tabs open on my phone while relaxing and seeing what was best.
I had recently changed the search bar on my phone to not be on the bottom of my screen but on the top. So I had just finished messaging my father goodnight and as people with iPhones know sometimes swiping down or recent messages will pop up on your safari page.
So me not being used to my new safari format, clicks the bottom of my screen to pull up my fathers messaging contact… to which i then proceed to type the full name of the website, Including multiple key words to show what I was up to. In a panic I spammed his phone with messages and acted like my phone had dropped service or glitched to hopefully hide the fact of what I sent, hoping that he is too lazy to scroll up.
TLDR: sent my father a text with the full name of an escort site accidentally. Played it off super cool.
malottb21: Could you have just hit the unsend? Not sure if on the latest version or not but you can unsend messages now if both participants are on said iOS version that supports it.
Lost-Resolve6155: Unfortunately I tried, I’m on a 10 and he’s got the new 14. So the best I could do was delete the message for myself since it doesn’t delete for both.
malottb21: Ah bummer, we’ll mistakes happen! Let’s hope they don’t see it
Lost-Resolve6155: 🤞🏻
| 5 | 6 | |
1668578911 | 1668698447 | t3_ywlmg0 | t5_2to41 | 1,796 | [deleted]: TIFU by talking to my girlfriend about my problems
[deleted]
Bigdaddylovesfatties: No you didn't f up OP. You now know where you stand in her eyes and deserve someone who can be supportive.
holysweetroll: It just sucks because I've always been there for her despite what's going on in my life and when I hit one of my lowest points, she drops this on me and makes it so much worse. Now all I can do is sit alone in this house and hope one of my 3 friends can make the time to keep me company
KyloRenCadetStimpy: I know it hurts, but **this** is when you want to find this out. I mean, obviously, it would be ideal if you found out on a nice sunny day with birds chirping and nothing going on, but it's better to find out she's a psychic leach now than at a time that's even worse, that you need her even more to keep you from falling over.
I know it's worth absolutely nothing, but this random internet asshole is pulling for ya! :-D
holysweetroll: You're definitely right. I greatly appreciate ya
Different-You-9293: I wouldn't take advice from people who use reddit, most of them are incels and full of aggression and no real relationship experience.
You sound like you've been using your girlfriend as a therapist which is draining, turns her off and makes you look self obsessed instead of focusing on her needs.
Don't get stuck into self pity as most people here are... Pull yourself up and think.. stop looking at others to blame your problems on and take action.
bernabbo: It’s funny, you think you’re woke and yet your post reads like Jordan Peterson self help tripe
Different-You-9293: And you're one of the miserables.. 👍
bernabbo: Ok pal, now stop wasting time here and go back to the sigma grindset
Different-You-9293: You'll grow up one day mr miserable
bernabbo: You sound like you’re 13 it’s embarrassing
Different-You-9293: Says the child who plays online card games 😂 this is rich mate 🤣
bernabbo: You go around looking at peoples post history on Reddit and I am supposed the miserable one?
Different-You-9293: 👍🤣 cool cool foreign digital card kid,
célibe involuntario
bernabbo: I wonder how long I can keep you here seething with dismissive remarks…
Different-You-9293: Self project more please, sorry i have to go out with my wife 🤣 stay miserable, stay sad 👍
bernabbo: I’ll leave you to your fictional cope then
| 17 | 105.647059 | |
1668580907 | 1668600444 | t3_ywm83w | t5_2to41 | 4 | blackjack11022: TIFU by sharing naughty audiobooks to girlfriend which she loved alot
So, im (M19) in a long relationship with (F17), i visit her every month.
We meet, we kiss, talk, go on dates, but not more than that,
the first time we did a bit of sexting she was good but the next day she was about to
breakup cause of her bestfriend who read our chats.
Then I didnt talk to her about such things, She did masterbate once
and she wasnt able to do it properly or something idk, she told her sister,
her sister told to talk to her boyfriend(sister's boyfriend), She was just listening
to him as she said, was totally uncomfortable this is what she told me.
She told me after a week like I had to ask her about it indirectly.
We had a fight over it cause she didnt ask me being her boyfriend
she didnt talk to me instead she went to someone else.
that hurted me, then after about 1 month yesterday,
I love to hear audio books, naughty ones, but since the time im into relation I didnt,
I told her about it yesterday, she was like send i wanna hear. i was way to much awkward
to send but she insisted so i did. Like imagine she didnt talk about such things to me
ever and like she wanted to hear it, I didnt have problem I did send.
She heard it and lost her senses and was way to much horny.
I was like I dont want to talk about such things to u cause your not comfortable with me.
like imagine she is in a relation with me and she doesnt want to talk to me about it.
she did it. she was still in that excitement at night so i was expecting, that atleast today
she'll discuss about it. I was waiting but she didnt, then in anger i told her i have to wait
for ur replies and many things.
im confused.
she for sure was talking to someone else about it but didnt tell me anything.
at night we had an arguement. i dont know what to do now please suggest.
Why is she not comfortable talking to me about it? indeed i dont even talk dirty with her and this is my first relation.
TL;DR : I met a girl online we came into a longdistance meet her everymonth, talking about sexting gonewrong then sharing naughty audio books gone wrong.
ApexSimon: Look, if in your process of computing, you're devising a plan to create a T1000, maybe use another body than what you're thinking.. or computing. Rosie O Donnell for example, or Kevin from The Office.
blackjack11022: what??
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1668582953 | 1668583137 | t3_ywmtd2 | t5_2to41 | 73 | No-Commission-5205: TIFU by agreeing the puppysit
My sister asked me to dog sit and babysit for her while she went away for a doctors appointment in a city 4 hours away. It’s an overnight job. I regret it immensely.
The kids are fine, they’re self sufficient and also both are above 13 years old. The 7 puppies on the other hand? Oh boy. My sister barely gave me any preamble before leaving and letting me figure out how to handle these guys on my own.
They’re fast. Like, FAST fast. Puppies should not be quicker than me. But they are. And they’re loud little guys too. Which, on one hand is a blessing because then I know when to take care of them and let them go outside or eat. On the other hand it means I gotta prepare for the mental warfare that is QUICKLY grabbing each puppy and setting them outside before they decide to go to the bathroom in the house. There has been more accidents than I can count.
Somehow they weaseled their way out of the kennel and made a mess while I was trying to go to bed for the night. I’m never puppy sitting again.
TL;DR: Agreed to puppysit 7 puppies at once and they’re smarter and faster than me.
Sitheref0874: “Kids, it’s time to help with the pups”
No-Commission-5205: I like the way you’re thinking. Tried asking for help a couple times but they’re teenage boys who don’t wanna hang out puppysitting with their uncle lol
| 3 | 24.333333 | |
1668578247 | 1668642701 | t3_ywlerm | t5_2to41 | 121 | Ryder0725: TIFU by smacking the wrong persons ass
For context. I (16m) was doing this thing with my class. As with most guys my age I and my friends dabble in the art of smacking each other in the ass. But today we were doing this stupid charades relay race for some reason and I smacked the ass of who I thought was my buddy, let's call him Aiden. "Aiden was running for the charades cards and he was in my way. So I smacked him in the ass, I'm not talking any smack. I spanked the poor bastard so hard he fell forwards onto his face as he was bending down to get a card.
As I'm running back with my card I look at the other groups and all of their mouths are fucking wide open. And guess who's already standing there? Aiden. I slowly turned around to see my Social teacher laughing his god damn ass off. I'm so happy I'm liked by him or I'm sure this post would be a final words kind of thing. I don't know what tomorrow will be like but I'm guessing there will be a lot of embarrassment.
TL;DR I smacked my teacher in the ass because I thought it was my best friends ass. I did not recognize the ass.
Edit: he seems okay with it, he's definitely my most chill teacher. It was just super embarrassing. So yeah, I don't think he's too mad considering he laughed pretty hard.
Evening-Difficulty17: This is so damn funny. I'm glad you have a teacher who can take these things lightly, especially after he face planted from such a hard smack to the ass.
Maybe bring him something nice tomorrow as a man to man, I fucked up even though it was funny kind of way.
Ryder0725: Yeah I ended up bringing him.a coffee haha
Evening-Difficulty17: Very good choice!! Enjoy the funny memory
Ryder0725: Definitely will be one I won't forget
| 5 | 24.2 | |
1668588200 | 1668596294 | t3_ywo96y | t5_2to41 | 17 | [deleted]: TIFU by getting drunk with my cousin.
[deleted]
Environmental_Ad5541: So you caught your mom cheating and decided to keep that a secret? Says a lot about you
[deleted]: I was debating about saying something but my aunt and her ex were already in about to get a divorce and soon enough they did. (He was caught cheating with someone else) so I didn’t say anything, didn’t feel like I needed to. Didn’t want to rock the boat… even though I recently just did 🤦♀️
Environmental_Ad5541: …what about your father, are your parents still together?
[deleted]: No they aren’t, haven’t been for a long time.
| 5 | 3.4 | |
1668592163 | 1668638493 | t3_ywpb2r | t5_2to41 | 204 | mossadspydolphin: TIFU by bringing my class to the bathroom with me
I was in the middle of my online class, camera turned off so no one could see that my attention was mostly on reddit, when the cramps hit. Okay. I could live until the break. I decided to focus on the lesson. The pain got worse, and I realized that I would not make it. I double-checked that my camera and mic were both off, ran to the bathroom, and found it occupied. Dammit.
Back in my room, I chose to stagger around, trying to focus on class and not shit myself. Finally, finally, I heard the toilet flush. I jammed headphones in so my roommates wouldn't have to listen to my instructor, and ran for it. I set the laptop on the sink, sat down...
...and realized that the camera was on. I didn't know how long it had been on. How much of my trial had they witnessed? Did they even realize it was a bathroom? Nobody said, "Hey, Dolphin, you want to turn off your camera?" I will never know, and I don't think I ever want to.
At least the mic was off when I let loose.
Tl;dr: Took my laptop with me for a bathroom emergency because I didn't want to miss class time; realized I'd left the camera on.
CrazyLeonGR: How the hell can you leave the camera running? No way you don't actually double check 15 times...
FoxyTigerVixen: I accidentally unmuted a work phone call in an emergency rush to the bathroom myself and I'm super paranoid about this stuff happening to begin with. Not video thankfully but this stuff happens a lot.
Early in the panini, some woman went viral for taking her laptop to the bathroom with video on.
One-Peach7036: Jennifer
| 4 | 51 | |
1668594563 | 1668595410 | t3_ywpygy | t5_2to41 | 11 | Catsaregoodforyou: TIFU by accidentally putting body wash in my hair instead of shampoo
[removed]
ThisKiwiKid: How the fuck is body wash causing any of that? Like you literally rub it on your body, it doesn’t change by going on your face or in your hair.
If it bleached your mo then why doesn’t it bleach any of your body or pubic hair?
Catsaregoodforyou: It burnt, it doesn’t usually but it did
ThisKiwiKid: Then it wasn’t body wash
Catsaregoodforyou: Well something burnt
ThisKiwiKid: Probably your ass with those pants on fire
| 6 | 1.833333 | |
1668602634 | 1668610806 | t3_ywsd6p | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU by fucking a girl I’m not attracted to.
[deleted]
Aelinthali68: Girl: "Hey, you wanna come over to my place? "
You: "No."
It really is that simple.
megathron21: It’s not
No_War5294: How can you even make that more simple. Just one word with two letters. Maybe emoji instead of a word then?
Impressive_Fall_8043: Idk, I'd never bone some ugly man but that's just me.. but hey, we get boned. He did the boning... Again and again
| 5 | 0.6 | |
1668607945 | 1668645818 | t3_ywuheq | t5_2to41 | 138 | Red_Blast: TIFU by realizing that I've been exchanging looks with my crush unintentionally
[removed]
foreshorten: Without further information, this sounds 50/50. Either she's freaked out and staring back because you stare at her and she's keeping an eye on the guy creeping on her like clockwork, or she's interested. At this point you either give up monitoring her without saying anything, or you introduce yourself. If you introduce yourself and she turns you down, still stop staring at her. Good luck.
lisalymel: Would you keep going a place day by day if there were someone who freaks you out just to get snacks?
Osiris_Dervan: If there weren't alternatives nearby, yeah I probably would
| 4 | 34.5 | |
1668610497 | 1668630497 | t3_ywvl3i | t5_2to41 | 99 | BuGMoiDroit: TIFU during hyperactive kitten time
Said kitten came home with my partner and I two days ago, and so far we've learned that he likes climbing legs, pouncing on hands, and doesn't yet understand laptop etiquette. He's only a baby, after all. Because he's only just been separated from mom and is getting used to a new home, we've been keeping him in my office where he spends most of the time asleep on my lap while I work, or when he has hyperactive kitten time (running around pouncing on everything he comes across) I can keep him occupied with his toys (and not the carpet / laptops / table legs) (yes, table legs).
Unfortunately, hyperactive kitten time started half an hour before my client meeting, and he had a good run around chasing his fish toys and doing parkour across my shoulders and the furniture. All good I thought, something to tire him out and he could just have gone to sleep on my lap during the meeting. Nope. Despite being a spectacularly boring meeting, kitten clearly thought it was very stimulating. He nearly ended the call at one point, but when he went near the laptop I could just pick him up and put him on the floor repeatedly, even if he just climbed up my legs again. However, when it got to the point where I had to deliver a report and couldn't mute myself or distract kitten, he decided that was the best time to maul my hands and roll around on the keyboard.
The client are what you would call "ultra professional" and I was in client-speak mode, so all I could think of to say was, "I do apologise, I need to rid myself of a feline inconvenience." I didn't want him to leave the room without supervision, so he was put in his crate. Kitten really didn't like that. He started crying as if I'd put him in a crate of puppies, and I wasn't sure whether they could hear crying on the call until my co-worker messaged me, "MIAOW, that is one demanding cat!" I let him out once I'd done, but it was only after the meeting that the way I'd worded it to the client and his screaming made me sound like a psychopathic kitten torturer.
TL;DR: new kitten is still very dependent on me and hasn't left the office yet, he went into hyperactive play mode during a client meeting, my wording to the client and the miaowing when I put him in the crate made it sound like kitten was being tortured.
HellDimensionQueen: The one thing I miss about less WFH these days is seeing other people’s kitties and showing off my own xD
BuGMoiDroit: Yep! Or sometimes just hearing other people's pets - my fave was when my co-worker and I were in a gruelling audit last year, the auditor paused for a minute to take notes, and the tension was shattered by a sudden "EWYPHEEAEWYAEWPHEEYAEWYAEWYA PHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!"
Co-worker: "sorry, that was puppy playing with a squeaky toy."
| 3 | 33 | |
1668609861 | 1668611639 | t3_ywvbik | t5_2to41 | 14 | ItsTr1pl3: TIFU by canceling a whatsapp messagge
[removed]
shadesofwolves: You worry too much.
ComprehensiveFact752: That, and don't fuck the company my man :D
| 3 | 4.666667 | |
1668614963 | 1668696125 | t3_ywxmtf | t5_2to41 | 3,331 | ConfuzzledYk: TIFU by forgetting to delete all of my sex mods on my old computer
Some months ago I (f18) bought a new computer for gaming, since my old one was getting very slow and I couldn't play the games I wanted to anymore. When installing the new one, I forgot to cleanse my old one of all the stuff I've been keeping on it... One of those was a sex mod for The Sims 4, and not only a mod.. But extensions that I'd downloaded with different penis sizes and such... And why did I do this? Short answer, I was curious and intrigued.
What happened was, that since I won't use the old computer anymore, my dad got it instead. It didn't hit me what he might find until he was already working on starting it up again. I just kept quiet and hoped for the best. Also I found it very unlikely that he would find it... Since he would have to start the entire game and play it first, which was very unlikely he would do.
So I thought I was safe... Well, until yesterday. I went downstairs for whatever reason and I saw my dad fixing with the computer.. He said he needed help to delete a few things, such as steam and discord. I went to look at the screen... And that's when I saw it, a shortcut right on the home screen, titled "PornstarCock". I felt panic. I tried to distract him and make him stand up so I could sit in front of the computer and delete all the ungodly things right in front of me. He stood up, I sat down in the chair and opened my folders to start deleting. That's when my dad said loud and clear, "Oh, and I found your penis mods by the way. Don't worry about it, I get it." I was so embarrassed, but at the same time relieved that he wasn't turning it into something serious.
There was ALOT of stuff to delete.. After a few minutes of silence, my dad goes "You know, I think you used those mods to make pornos in the game. I looked at them and there were all kinds of shapes and sizes.. Men and trans people.. I was hoping to see some beautiful ladies with bushes and whatnot." I was cringing inside, replied with a slight chuckle, and an awkward joke. And I prayed it was the last thing he would say about it because I was ready to sink through the floor.
Luckily, it was. And I hope it will never be brought up again.
God, don't make the same mistake as me and keep the suspicious stuff hidden.
TL;DR I forgot to delete my sex mods for sims 4 on my old computer and my dad found out.
sg12412: Dad took it well! An is obviously longing for the porn from the 70s when women were au naturel.
cjeam: She’s 18, her dad was probably born in the 70s or 80s, I hope he didn’t start watching porn that young.
ConfuzzledYk: Actually, he is born in the 50's, hahah. Turning 69 next year.
_PM_ME_PANGOLINS_: Nice.
Mallee78: Nice
legitnotaweirdguy: Nice
Warm-Piccolo2326: Nice
AshyBoneVR4: Nice.
Ho3n3r: Noice.
| 10 | 333.1 | |
1668614918 | 1668619213 | t3_ywxm1t | t5_2to41 | 32 | unsung_hero88: TIFU and almost met Jesus early
[removed]
NorthNeptune: Well there’s no guarantee it’s jesus you meet
unsung_hero88: True
kytheon: Massachusetts, Camaro, Jesus, freedom units. Very American post.
| 4 | 8 | |
1668610700 | 1668624170 | t3_ywvnwr | t5_2to41 | 12 | Fast_Interest9523: TIFU by breaking my car window
So to start, my ex broke up with me about a year ago and I’m still mulling over that blah blah blah. She gave me a few gifts during our relationship, specifically for this severe fuckup a small glass pot with some flowers and a small scrapbook. Anyways, last night I decided to go on a drive because I was feeling shitty, so I figured I could take these two gifts and throw them out of my car while I was driving to feel some sort of liberation or whatever I dunno. So I get to a good place to throw these things out my window and I go to roll the windows down. I wish I had double checked which buttons I pressed because I had rolled down my BACKSEAT windows instead of the passenger ones. So I go to grab the little glass vase first of course and throw it as hard as I can AT my closed window. Window went bye bye. Now I gotta pay 500 bucks just to replace it, AND my car got towed! I’m such an idiot lmao
TL;DR: I threw a glass vase my ex gave me at my car window and shattered it and my car got towed too lol
leadennis: Expensive lesson hopefully learned.
Fast_Interest9523: Very much so
| 3 | 4 | |
1668623092 | 1668668936 | t3_yx1mqa | t5_2to41 | -6 | [deleted]: TIFU by wearing a metal butt plug through the security of a museum (20f)
[removed]
___Phreak___: Wtf did they make you take it out. Creepy as fuck.
Next time tell them it's a mental plate from an operation and let them pat you down
Dallenforth: Why are you advocating for public indecency
Chrono_Constant3: Dude, your profile is filled with incestuous horny manga. What the fuck are you on about?
Dallenforth: I think there's a clear difference between posting hentai on the internet in the appropriate sub for it and wearing a butt plug in public. Do you think people should be allowed to masturbate in public?
Chrono_Constant3: So you think posting incest (which is an actual crime most places) to a forum accessible by children is acceptable but a woman who has a butt plug in completely unbeknownst to anyone is a corrupting influence. Got it.
Dallenforth: I posted it in a restricted R18 subreddit over 5 months ago. Also the incest in question (which I think there was only 1 title that had it) is fictional.
TheScruffyStacheGuy: What you seem to not understand is that the buttplug is concealed. Your post is publicly accessible. Masterbating in public and having an item concealed in an intimate place while in public is completely different. If op didn't walk through a metal detector no-one would've known. So masterbating in public isn't ok obviously, but a buttplug (you can find it strange but that's about it) is not the same thing. Would you consider a clitpiercing masterbation? Is a Prince Albert masterbation? Is smuggling cocaine in your ass masterbation? Is exposing yourself publicly ok as long as your not stimulating yourself? Is lighting your farts in fire for a funny video with your mates masturbation or just banter? Where do you draw the line, exactly? As long as no-one can see it and no-one is harmed by it, it should be ok right?
Dallenforth: My post is hidden behind 2 R18 verification walls, whoever accessing the content is 18 or they are breaking the law.
___Phreak___: No child, they're not breaking the law. Well, perhaps contact law, but they're certainly committing no crime.
| 10 | -0.6 | |
1668628760 | 1668631113 | t3_yx4c5o | t5_2to41 | 2 | Independent-Pen650: TIFU my trying to twerk off my "knockers" in the shower
[removed]
KittikatB: Why on earth would you think that any body part would just fall off?
Independent-Pen650: Idk I saw it in a movie
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1668631548 | 1668636979 | t3_yx5ozo | t5_2to41 | 10 | Narrow-Permission389: TIFU by giving my boyfriend a condom
I (19 F) and my friend (26 M) have been "together" for about 2 months. I believe we were meant to be together. His gaze never leaves me, and we play this game where we pretend we don't know each other in public. But now I want more, even though he says he doesn't. This irritated me, and he attempted to pacify me by introducing me to his friends. I had visions of a picket white fence and two and a half kids with him because things were going great and we were happier than we had ever been in this relationship. After a few weeks, I found out I was pregnant. He believes I became pregnant on purpose because we had previously used the condom I lent him; however, this was not my intention and was entirely coincidental. Although I am not completely sad cuz now he has no choice BUT to be wit me
TL;DR: I caught feelings and got knocked up
jeter567: I'll never understand why people try to make people date them who aren't interested....it won't be a happy relationship for either party in the long run. And if you're only keeping the baby to stay with him, extremely selfish and bad idea. He's also too old for you honestly.
andrewta: I agree with everything except the age. That isn’t that big of an age difference. 7 years is nothing, and depending on exact dates of birth, it might be closer to 6.
jeter567: But at their ages they're in totally different stages of life, she's barely an adult, likely recently out of high school.
Also doesn't pass the ÷2 + 7 rule, not that I've ever thought that had any value
| 4 | 2.5 | |
1668632188 | 1668632541 | t3_yx5yuq | t5_2to41 | 19 | Impossible_Dark_6163: TIFU by grabbing a random person
So first to address,”why are grabbing your friends in the first place?” If you have friends that you known for a long time, you feel comfortable enough to be weird around them. Translation-anything i do to her, she would do to me.
Ok so, I decided to skip with my friend and head to the cafeteria during most of my friends lunch time. While we were there i noticed a girl who looked like my friend,but obviously was not. Once I realized she hadn’t sat down yet, i walked over and said hi to the rest of my friends.
Ok so we walk back over to where friend A was supposed to be sitting and, i noticed a girl, who was sitting down and, from behind, looked almost identical to my friend.
So, i walk over to her, and grab her shoulder( just to spook her). She turns around, slow and steady, looks me straight in the eye.
She isn’t my friend.
If fear was a person, she would have bodied the role. I literally apologize a thousand times, and I eventually find her friend and ask her to make sure she knows I’m so sorry. I’m mortified and will never go back to that lunch ever again
TLDR: While skipping i saw a girl i thought was my friend, I grabbed her shoulder to spook her. I apologized Profusely and will now hide in embarrassment and shame
DayumnDamnation: What is wrong with grabbing someones shoulder?
Impossible_Dark_6163: First i love your pfp. Second nothing really but i felt i needed to explain before someone comes in and try’s to cancel me, basically its ok if they are your friend, but a random stranger? I want to die
| 3 | 6.333333 | |
1668630430 | 1668943941 | t3_yx55cc | t5_2to41 | 18 | ehmehunun: TIFU by touching a ceramic vessel with messy hands
TIFU by touching a ceramic vessel with messy hands
Today in my ceramics class, I was observing a red vessel that someone had placed on a worktable. It wasn't glazed, but it was completely dry, so I'm fairly sure that it had been fired. While I was looking at it, I unthinkingly touched it with my hands, which I had been using a few moments before to work on my own vessel.
When I saw the marks my hand left behind, I went "Oh, shit" and turned to ask the other couple of the people in the room if it would be an issue. One of them attempted to swipe the stain away with their fingers, to no result. The other ended up reporting me to a teacher.
The teacher ended up calling me over, and telling me that the vessel took months to make, and that the creator would have to remove all of the pigment used to color it with a sponge. It seems that even slight amounts of clay would leave large, visible marks of she were to attempt to glaze it. I'm relatively new to the ceramics making process, but the way she spoke made it clear that it wouldn't be an easy process.
I'm supposed to apologize to the creator, which I don't have an issue with. But is there any way to resolve it without possibly days and days of labor on their part?
Tl;dr: I touched a ceramic pot with clay-covered hands, and now I have to apologize to the creator for possibly wasting months of her time.
HalalRumpSteak: Don't touch ceramic if it isn't yours, apologise, learn and move on
Ocean_Spice: In general just don’t touch other people’s stuff, unless given permission.
| 3 | 6 | |
1668633047 | 1668635853 | t3_yx6cnc | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: Tifu by showing off my tech skills
[removed]
CuteBostonian: I swear I saw this yesterday with a different gif
AnonoMussChick: You did. This guy keeps posting variations and then deletes his comments and posts.
| 3 | 2 | |
1668632963 | 1668695623 | t3_yx6b89 | t5_2to41 | 3,248 | ReaperofMen42069: TIFU by missing a voicemail where a girl confessed her feelings for me
A girl (20) I (21) was in class with matched with me on Tinder a couple years ago. This was during lockdown so we had never seen each other in person, only over Zoom. I thought she was super cool and had to kick myself when I forgot to ask for her number before the course ended. If not for Tinder, we probably would never have connected.
After we matched, it was an immediate spark. We texted non-stop for days and it was all great banter. When we did end up going on a date, there was no awkwardness. It was like meeting with an old friend. The only problem was I didn’t want to do anything physical. My grandmother was living with me and she was struggling medically. If I brought covid into the house and got her sick, I could never forgive myself. So we only went on outdoor dates. Nevertheless, it was fun.
One night after we went out, I got a voicemail from her. Here comes the fuck up. I forgot about it in the morning and never listened to it.
Weeks passed and while we still talked, I noticed she had become reserved. This continued until she just stopped talking to me.
Fast forward to this year, I reconnected with her. We got together and I was super happy to have salvaged our relationship. But I noticed she still seemed reserved and grew more and more emotionally unavailable. Finally I confronted her about it. I told her that I wanted to date but needed to know what was going on between us. She laughed at me and said “so now you want a relationship but you turned me down when I told you the same thing”
I had no idea what she was talking about. Unfortunately, she refused to see me again and now I’m sure the relationship is dead.
So today I was cleaning out my voicemail inbox because doctors were complaining about it being full when I saw her unread voicemail. It was like 3 minutes long. In it, she sang a goofy love song and basically said she was falling for me. I think she was drunk because she thought it was a phone call and kept asking why I not answering her.
tl:dr A girl I was interested in sent me a voicemail where she confessed her feelings for me but I only listened to it two years later and now we’re not on good terms
update: some of you recommended i tell her. so i did. she replied with one “lmao”
update 2: so some people said i should explain myself to her a bit more. i tried to call and she just didn’t answer. and her voicemail is full. then she asked why i called. i said how i felt and if we could find a way to overcome it. she sent me a 👍 emoji.
i think this ship has sailed boys
quick update: after she sent the thumb emoji i left her on read for several hours. finally she wrote me again asking if we could talk in person. i agreed. well she just left my place and we may or may not have slept together. we have great chemistry and it was one of the best nights ive had with someone. but the feeling that she only brought me back into her circle of trust just to dump me on her terms hasnt been sitting right. i think im just going to let her know it isnt going to work out. the fact that she was acting so passive aggressive to inexplicably wanting to sleep together makes me think i had better sit this one out. thanks for all the advice though. have a good life.
Strawberry_Cactus18: You need to just tell her you fucked up and only just heard the voicemail it’ll be funny to tell your friends and family in a few years but if you guys have mutual feelings and neither are dating sort it out man!!
Fav0: Sorry but not listening to a voicemail is not fucking up
She should have just told him in person
Panman6_6: no.. its a fuck up. She clearly was too shy or had another reason not to tell in person. Not listening to a voicemail that is important is your fuck up
cemv123: Not understanding he didnt do it on purpose is the fuck up
Who checks voicemails anyways
Panman6_6: Oh yeah that’s also a fuck up. And probably an even bigger fuck up. Who checks voicemails!? Most people I assumed. But peeps who want to hear who left a message. It could…. Be important
Cispania: Fuck voicemails all my homies hate voicemails.
Panman6_6: I used to have that attitude… but when I turned 30ish, it changed
Cispania: I am 30 now and if you leave me a voicemail you can still suck my dick you condescending prick.
Panman6_6: I didn't say anything about what YOU should do. I am not leaving you shit and if you're 30, grow the fuck up you fucking child.
Cispania: 👍
| 11 | 295.272727 | |
1668638166 | 1668684387 | t3_yx8k6f | t5_2to41 | 165 | OoOoLAoOoO: TIFU by shitting and puking at the same time
It was a week day. Me and the boys decided to have a quiet one. Just a couple drinks. Nothing crazy, ya know. One, two, three, and four. I don’t even remember hitting the floor.
It turned into a rager. We definitely turnt up far beyond any reasonable expectation. So, there’s me waking up not long ago, hungover as absolute fuck. The kind of hangover where your body is physically shaking and your mouth resembles a desert.
I stumbled into the bathroom, barely getting the lid up in time. Intense beer shits. The flood gates were wide open. But the foul smell of ale necrosis was too strong.
In the moment of immense relief came the sudden onset of disparaging nausea. As quickly as I was to reach the toilet, so it was in quick haste to flip my body around to face the other direction. No time to wipe.
There’s me, just staring into the abyss of my own shit, as I vomit profusely on top of it. As my eyes clenched and my body squeezed what little hydration remained from my tear ducts, I realised the bar of dissatisfaction in myself was lowered far beyond anything I’d have ever considered possible, until now.
TL;DR I feel much better now after shitting and puking at the same time.
generic-username0000: See, that's why you should have an emergency bucket somewhere inbetween "most likely to crash when drunk" and "Jesus H. Christ, outof my way anyone & prepare the gas-masks!"
PeachyHats: I grew up with a yellow bowl we called the puke bowl. Anyone in the house would claim it if they were feelings nauseous. Have it nearby especially on the toilet so that you can throw up. Or next to the bed so that you wake up and don't have to run.
error201: I get around this by putting cheap, vomit-safe trash cans in my bathrooms.
But yeah, I grew up in a house with a puke bucket. That one large salad bowl that you'd never again use for food.
Pioppo-: Extra flavour
| 5 | 33 | |
1668635898 | 1668648848 | t3_yx7kpa | t5_2to41 | 97 | flyingmops: TIFU by cutting myself, on my labia minora.
It happened sometimes last week, I accidently cut myself while wiping. No biggie, it happens and it usually heals up just fine. This time was different!
Unfortunately I got really ill with a bad cold/virus, a few days later, which made me bed bound for the whole weekend, I took all sorts of OTC medicin to combat the nasty as best I could. Ofcourse, that also meant I wasn't showering.
When I finally did, I could definitely feel soreness coming somewhere down there, near my urethra. I rinsed, and tried my best not to think about it.
But yesterday I could hardly walk, it hurt when I peed. And it hurt when I was sitting down, so I decided to go have a look, by sitting on a mirror. Unfortunately we don't have one, so after a few fails at taking pictures on my phone, I had to ask my husband to have a look. He said it looked like an infected crater.
I showered, while thoroughly cleaning the area, with a pain so immense, I almost fainted. From what I gathered from the grainy pictures I managed to take, it looked like the area was white on a red surface.
So today I trotted off to the doctors, feeling very embarrassed from not only infecting a little cut like that, but also making such a cut to begin with!
I'm back home now, have showered again, with another assault of immense pain. Only to have yet another shock, when the antibiotics was applied.
I'm on the couch, seriously considering of just going to bed, to forget all about this throbbing pain! I'm convinced everytime I wee, I'm reopening that tiny cut!
**TL;DR**: cut myself on my inner labia, near the urethra. Then it got infected from not showering. Followed by Immense pain when weeing, showering and applying the antibiotic cream. Do not cut yourself! Even accidently.
TuckerCarlsonsOhface: It seems like the lesson is not “don’t cut yourself” (especially since it’s impossible to stop accidents from happening), but “don’t let a wound go uncleaned”, since that’s actually within your power.
harleyspoison267: Honestly though the lesson kind of is both things if you're a woman. There's just too many folds down there to completely remove all the hair yourself with a regular razor and no mirror or assistance. I really recommend either using more of like a beard trimmer (they also make bikini trimmers for this) which will make it much harder to severely injure yourself or just waxing if smoothness is necessary for your personal style/hygiene needs. It's really dangerous to cut your labia as you've learned OP. I hope you feel better soon. Between UTIs and different sore type things i can imagine how you must feel and it does hurt literally every time you pee. I'm so sorry. 💜
[deleted]: She said she cut it while wiping.
harleyspoison267: Oh thanks yeah that's right in the beginning. Though I am completely confused as to how the hell that happens I'm reassured that it's a lot less likely that it will happen again. Scary shit.
| 5 | 19.4 | |
1668640940 | 1668642762 | t3_yx9p04 | t5_2to41 | 8 | loraisco: Tifu by asking my boyfriend what he’s done with other girls.
Today I fucked up by asking my bf what stuff he’s done with other women
Today I messed up by asking my boyfriend what type of sexual stuff he’s done with another girl, I’m the jealous type and so is he, he knows all the stuff I’ve done with dudes and how much I regret it. But I wanted to know how far he’s gone…and that was a mistake he’s given another girl a handjob(or whatever you call it for girls) and he’s received one too. He did this about 2 years ago and says it didn’t feel great. But now I’m disgusted with him and don’t want him to touch me or the other way around. I can’t tell him this cause I’m the one who asked to know what he’s done, I’ve done so much worse and I feel bad and selfish for feeling this way. I feel so jealous and gross he’s seen every part of me for 6 months and now that I’m finding out another girl has seen and touched his dick before me, I feel absolutely disgusted, I’ve been trying to nap all day but whenever I fall asleep I dream that he’s cheating on me. This is a throw away account and I just needed to vent please tell me what to do this is my first healthy relationship and I love this guy with all my heart.
EDIT: I’m mainly disgusted with myself that I’m feeling this way I’m taking anxiety meds for the first time and it’s really messing with my head I’m a very jealous person and I’m working on it and I have been for a while I just needed to vent this because yes it is a very childish thing to be upset over and the “worse things” I’ve done in the past I was pressured to do, which is why he doesn’t care as much, he’s also a very jealous person and we’re both very young.
TL:DR I asked my boyfriend what he’s done with other females.
Ckwwa: I'm assuming you're very young. Honestly you really just need to let it go. None of the past matters because at the end of the day you two are together and he's no longer with that past partner(s). The best way to think of it all is just life practice to get to a forever relationship and having the experience to be the best for your forever person. Not just in terms of physical interactions but also emotionally.
It's the same reason I never understood young people staying with bad partners because of there just being 'so much history' between them. When really if you left and found someone you're happy with you could form a longer history with that better partner sooner rather than later 🤷♀️ the past shouldn't matter if you're both happier now.
loraisco: I’m only 16, thank you I needed some advice on this situation.
Ckwwa: As a mom myself I can't help but say that 16 is too young for these things. That's just my plug.
But since you are doing these things I can say that at 16 you won't be with that guy forever, or it's incredibly unlikely. And just think, if you two are doing these things at 16, when you meet a partner at 25 are you going to be mad when they did something at 16?
It makes sense to feel this way when you're so young. But it's not healthy in a relationship and is something you'll emotionally grow out of and mature over time. One day you'll see that those sorts of expectations and that jealous possessiveness isn't good and is unrealistic.
Just enjoy your young love and don't worry about what happened in a teenage relationship.
loraisco: Thank you:)
| 5 | 1.6 | |
1668640509 | 1668659293 | t3_yx9ik4 | t5_2to41 | 20 | UnknownBrowser6969: TIFU by leaving an egg to rot in the breakroom.
This is my first post, please be gentle.
So essentially long story short, About 3 months back we had a big BBQ at work. This included bacon, eggs, sausages etc. We had a few eggs left over so me being the immature 19m I am, I decided to hide an egg and let it rot. I had no motives with this egg, I was just mucking around. So I put this raw egg in a box in a drawer in the break room and left it. Fast forward to today, we are having a monthly meeting in the break room and there is this god awful smell that assaults your nostrils as soon as you enter. My manager immediately lets out a "what the frick is that smell" We ended up having to have the meeting elsewhere due to the smell, yes it was that bad. After the meeting I went to investigate as I had my suspicions, and what do ya know, eggs cracked in the drawer somehow. I managed to clean up the mess in the drawer, a few gags along the way.
Lesson learnt, dont frick with rotten eggs.
TL;DR Left an egg in the break room for months, It went rotten, It broke and caused havoc.
maciver6969: Heh, that isnt bad, my friend works for an outdoor television manufacturer and their entire tech team went work from home during covid and they had an entire floor to themselves, so their break room was closed for a year. One guy loved to make fresh hard boiled eggs on the 2 burner stove they had and he was european so they dont refrigerate eggs like they do here... a whole dozen of the most vile evil were just casually tossed in the trash when they re-opened, where they busted and caused an evacuation and complete cleanup of the breakroom. Took days to get the smell gone they said.
Doom_Prophet: He may of been eggsaggerating.
Setthegodofchaos: That pun had me scrambled. That cracked me up
maciver6969: Yolks on you then
| 5 | 4 | |
1668642681 | 1668691218 | t3_yxad0c | t5_2to41 | 203 | [deleted]: TIFU by being my best friend's first kiss
[deleted]
NoReallyLetsBeFriend: Some people just don't take the chance or make a move so 21 is not terrible.
It took a lot for him to tell you that so maybe strike up a conversation that you don't want to lose him as a friend. Plus I'm sure in his mind he's overthinking everything, so maybe just a confirmation that you're glad he told you but don't want to lead him on, etc. Sets boundaries and let's him know he's not beating himself up for telling you
MadDogMax: This discussion is happening on a post where the OP *initiated* a kiss with a friend, that friend confessed feelings and OP's response was to immediately ghost him.
There should be absolutely zero mystery as to how he reached this point.
Feel kinda bad for OP's friend whose only choices were to either physically fight off OP (and remain having never been kissed at 21 or older) or lose a friend.
NoReallyLetsBeFriend: What was the point to your comment? There's no mystery. We know what happened. I was simply offering a means of initiating communications again so she doesn't lose a friend due to something they feel is awkward. But Jesus you can't live your life if you're constantly in fear of messing up! Sometimes you just gotta go with it, and OP did just that...
MadDogMax: Not sure how you got that I was being combative toward you from any of my comment, because I wasn't. It was only made to point out the absurdity that this discussion even exists - and yes, there obviously is mystery around how they got to this point given OP's "I brainlessly muttered that that it can't be possible"
Maybe I could have indicated that none of my comment was directed at the second paragraph of your post - I agree that OP needs to talk to the friend if only to prevent more damage to the friendship (if it still exists)
NoReallyLetsBeFriend: Sorry, it read like it was correcting
| 6 | 33.833333 | |
1668646932 | 1668648300 | t3_yxbzxe | t5_2to41 | 30 | Life-Square-420: TIFU by almost ruining my girlfriends life and ruining our relationship.
Before I start, any insulting comments you leave are warranted but I’ve probably already said them to myself already. What I did is very fucked up and I’m not really looking for any advice because there isn’t anything I can do to make the situation better. Just leaving this so you can laugh at my selfishness and stupidity. I’ll try and keep it as short as possible.
My girlfriend (20F) and I (21M) have been dating for about a year now and we go to the same college. She was planning on going to an edm concert last weekend. I decided to go through her labtop while she was gone running some errands and I found some texts that seemed extremely suspicious and I was convinced she was cheating on me with some guy. I also decided to go through her diary and read it because I found it while searching for her labtop in the bedroom. She came home earlier than expected so I couldn’t finish but I was able to take some photos before leaving.
Instead of talking to her about what I read in the texts like a normal person I decided that she was definitely cheating on me and I wanted to drop it on her while she was tripping at this concert. I did this to not only try and ruin her weekend and time at the concert, but somehow I thought that she would lie to me if she was sober and I figured if she was tripping it would be more difficult for her to lie. So I did exactly that and she denied everything and said that they were jokes between her and her female friend. I didn’t believe her and thought that she was lying still because this point the drugs had worn off. I was still skepticle, so I decided to log into her Snapchat. I knew the passcode because I figured it would be the same passcode as the one for her labtop. I looked through basically all of here chats and I ended up seeing a video of her making out with some random dude at a club that was dated at a few weeks ago. When I saw this I was heartbroken and beyond furious that she had lied to me and betrayed me.
What I did next I sincerely regret. I decided to log into her gmail (she has the same passcode for everything apparently) and change the passcode for not only her gmail but also Snapchat and Instagram and log in so that she could not get access to her accounts. I then posted the video of her making out with the dude with a nasty caption on her Snapchat story. Along with that I posted her full diary which had some very personal things about her struggles in it that were not only extremely embarrassing, but could potentially ruin a lot of close friendships she has. I also changed her Instagram profile picture to the two of them kissing and deleted all of her posts. I also posted the video and diary on her Instagram with a long caption attached insulting her. Keep in mind she has more than a thousand followers and almost all of her family is on Snapchat. After this I went to bed. This was all at 3am so she was asleep.
When I woke up at around 11, my phone had blown up with hundreds of messages. The texts I got from her was her explaining that the video was from a memory on Snapchat that one of her friends shared to her from 2 years ago. Turns out she wasn’t cheating and she never did. I’m just a complete lunatic.
TL;DR I thought my girlfriend was cheating on me based on a video so I logged into her social media and posted the video and her diary but it turns out the video was from a year before I met her. I ruined our relationship and a lot of her relationships.
SkepticalYouth: I pray that your girlfriend break up with you, OP. You vindictive control-freak clearly don't deserve her, and the girl deserves much, much better.
Life-Square-420: I could not agree more. And yes she did.
| 3 | 10 | |
1668647522 | 1668649088 | t3_yxc7sw | t5_2to41 | 4 | Throwaway200120211: TIFU trying to help a person I know get photos taken down, but made the situation way worse by accident.
Today I fucked up by trying to help a person I know, but made the situation worse. So this starts a week ago, a friend of mine warns me about this website that scrubs people’s patreons, gumroads, and etc and reposts it on a website. I noticed a person (they are a NSFW VA) I know had their gumroad stuff on it so I told them.
I talked to them a bit as it was a few skimpy photos of themself irl and I told them maybe they could submit a DMCA takedown to the website. So they did, they submitted a email to their support of a recipient from gumroad that had her address, irl name, and phone number. The “support” replied in a joking manor and now the person I know is scared to go home.
They also think I have something to do with it because when they emailed support I took a nap and couldn’t respond. I get why they don’t trust me now. I hate how I tried to do a good thing and it blew up in my face. If anyone has any advice on what to do or how to help them it would be really appreciated.
TL:DR I tried to help get someone I know’s photos taken offline only for them to dox themselves and I may have lost their trust completely.
AcrobaticSource3: There’s only one thing to do to make up for this. Have to switch identities with this person. You house is their house and their house is your house, your name is their name and their name is your name, their pets and bank accounts are your pets and bank accounts and vice versa and so on. That way if anything bad happens from this, you are the one that suffers, not them.
EDIT: go all the way, like their fingerprints are your fingerprints and you’ll each need to undergo surgery or burn of the tips of your fingers
Interesting-Month-56: Mmm. I am thinking they should go the full “Face Off” route.
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1668647519 | 1668795576 | t3_yxc7rd | t5_2to41 | 175 | Williamsirbuttler: TIFU by jacking off so hard I dislocated my knee cap
Today I (18m) woke up having the absolute meanest draw back of NNN you could ever imagine. So I went to my bathroom to do my business standing up because my toilet seat was freezing cold, and decided to use lotion for lasting this long in NNN as a special occasion.
The feeling was so special that it had my legs going numb and shaking a shit ton, next thing I know as I'm shaking my legs (specifically twisting and turning my knees) that I felt and heard the biggest pop from my right knee followed by me looking down and seeing my knee cap on the right side of the knee area. So cleaned my hands and found a way to pull up my pants then called my fire fighter dad (55m) and told him that my knee cap is dislocated and I need an EMT. .05 grams of fentanyl later I'm in the hospital still with the worst pain I've ever imagined and typing this waiting for the doctor to inject me with with whatever sleeping meds so they can pop it back in place all because i almost broke the one rule of NNN (I didn't get to finish because my knee popped before I nutted so I'm technically not disqualified)
TL;DR jacked off so hard god reminded me of which month it was before I could finish and am now in the hospital
Zlifbar: Your actually fuck up was participating in something idiotic like NNN.
TheRealPequod: It's actually a really gratifying thing to refrain from. Didn't give a shit this year but did it last year and learned a lot about self control and fighting urges. So much cope from people who couldn't get past the first obstacle. Their brains convincing them it's stupid so that the dopamine doesn't go away. Go ahead and downvote me if you're weak as hell. Too weak to even consider it properly, let alone make it a week. “UhHhHH ItS bAd FoR YoU” keep telling yourself that if it makes you feel better about having no mental fortitude. What's actually bad for you is beating off twice a day to fucked up porn. Bad for your mind. There is no physical consequence to refraining. It's not hard to just look up.
ChiefWaterMoccasin: Based comment
TheRealPequod: I see you are strong brother. Not like the average Redditor. Must be why they made you Chief
ChiefWaterMoccasin: Ahh, indeed! I will accept your compliment despite the fact that I am female, lol
TheRealPequod: A brother in Christ nonetheless 😂
| 7 | 25 | |
1668649037 | 1668649579 | t3_yxcs5q | t5_2to41 | 261 | 77ZZ77ZZ7: TIFU by ordering dinner
[removed]
isaikya: Oh my gosh. That’s amazing. Hopefully it took some of the work stress off your mind for a bit.
77ZZ77ZZ7: Thanks, I’m really lucky my wife finds me funny when I get angry lol.
I’m having a beer now before I get back to it.
isaikya: Bird poop is good luck! You’ll smash this deadline!
| 4 | 65.25 | |
1668649614 | 1671316610 | t3_yxczu7 | t5_2to41 | 38 | wewillgetbetter: TIFU with taking my medication intranasal and being awake for 48 hours straight while doing nothing but destroying my whole life I had to build up from rock bottom.
Hello there,
Me (24, F) fucked totally up. The last 3 weeks I had vacation which ruined my whole sleep cycle. Okay, I ruined it. So I went from going to sleep at around 10 PM and waking up around 6 AM to going to sleep at around 5 AM and waking up around 2 PM. Today should've been my first day at work after my vacation and I had to hand over a paper with over 50+ sites of text. As the deadline drew closer on tuesday I decided to make an all-nighter, finishing the paper in the morning, bringing it to the letter box where my work is located just to report me as sick in the same breath.
That sounded like a genius plan, at first. The Plan was that I would do an all-nighter, finishing my paper while staying awake all night and all day so I can go to sleep at regular time because the sleep deprivation would force me to go to bed and I thought I could kill two birds with one stone.. but..
To understand the issue you should know that I am diagnosed with ADHD. I get Vyvanse prescribed and take it regularly to function. Before I got Vyvanse prescribed I had Ritalin and I had some pills left over the whole time. I usually take 2 Vyvanse Pills of 30 mg everyday. One after waking up and one after 4-6 hours pass. Since I wanted to function the whole night so I can work on the paper since the deadline was in near sight I made a fatal mistake, sadly.. the first. I opened my Vyvanse pill and put half of the white powder into my nose since I didn't want to take a whole pill because they last too long. After doing so I felt horrible and googled immediately, finding out that Vyvanse can't be taken intranasal since the active substance in Vyvanse needs to be broken down by enzymes in the stomach.
Wow.
I fucked up I thought.
Now in my extreme worry I thought I got a big brain genius idea. I had Ritalin! Why wouldn't it be a perfect and meaningful idea to use the contents of my Ritalin pills to get the fast paced flow? As stupid as I am, I did it. I took Ritalin by nose. At first, it didn't seem like a mistake since I felt a sense of achievement by finishing my paper in a good quality and bringing it to my works letter box before they even open.
You remember my master plan, that I wanted to kill two birds with one stone and staying awake all day to reset my sleep schedule? Yeah, funny. I couldn't stop taking Ritalin. I destroyed the first pill of 20mg, the second, the third.. It was like an obsession I didn't know about me. Yes, sure, guess I'm an addict now. Congratulations me I thought. But the worst thing was.. I couldn't sleep.
It's 5:37 AM now where I live. I am 48 hours awake. My eyes are swollen and hurt. My face looks so deprived and emaciated that I think I could win a model contest for heroin chiq theme. My sleep cycle isn't reset. I'll lose my job. I got addicted to literal speed. TO SPEED!! All in the meaning of 2 days I'm about to ruin my whole life which was extremely.. and when I say extremely, I mean very extremely, hard to build up.
I guess the world will look better when I get some sleep.
Haha.
Thanks for your time guys!
TL;DR Hey. I wanted to reset my sleeping schedule which was ruined while being on vacation. Wanted to fix it by staying up all night and used medication as help, since I also had to finish a paper for my work, where the deadline was the next day. Got the idea to take half of my medication intranasal since I didn't think I'd need a full dose. Taking my medication intranasal resulted in a total obsessive-loop-chaos where I became addicted to Ritalin, stood awake for over 48 hours and may lose my job since my sleep schedule isn't fixed Also: I still can't sleep. Bye.
IIIlIIIIIIIII: Since it’s almost time for things to open up where you live, maybe it would be a good idea to go by an urgent care or something? Who knows what the right choice is now, but they could give you a little help, and also you could get a doctors note. Win/Win?
wewillgetbetter: If I tell my doc, or any doc, that I became addicted by my medication they'll immediately stop prescribing it to me. So all I need is a really strong sleeping pill. Or someone to knock me out with a pan. Both are valid options I'll consider.
IIIlIIIIIIIII: Maybe just tell them you’ve had insomnia for 48hrs? No need for details
wewillgetbetter: I think the docs here ain't that stupid. The only issue is that I want to continue taking the Ritalin so I'll try another run with a second all-nighter so I'll go hopefully tomorrow sleep deprived into bed.. early. Yes, I know. Genius, isn't it?
IIIlIIIIIIIII: Ha! You’re gonna start hallucinating!
wewillgetbetter: Mild Hallucinations started after 24 hours passed. I hope it won't become worse so I'll see Samuel L Jackson or something crazy like that.
Complex_Alfalfa_610: Um. Are you getting addicted to methylphenidate?
Can people accidentally end up tweakers that way?
This sounds like playing with fire
wewillgetbetter: What are tweakers? I didn’t update but I’m on track again. Thank god I didn’t become addicted. It was a bad experience and I will never reproduce it again lol
| 9 | 4.222222 | |
1668651564 | 1668652274 | t3_yxdpsx | t5_2to41 | 17 | Sweet_Lillylove: TIFU by thinking my bf’s best friend left the call.
This happened 2 days ago. My bf (35m) and I (25f) often are in discord calls due to it being easier to talk to due to us living in different states. We met off world of Warcraft and such and in there, there’s guilds. My guild is primarily with people aged 30-40, and I’m one of 6 women in it while the total guild population in there is around 50+ people. My bf’s best friend (33m) is in it as well.
While I’m guild chat I’m very shy often and only speak unless spoken to. That goes especially when I need to burp or do bodily sounds. Mainly due to being shy in calls with so many guys often. I don’t care if my bf is alone with me and hears it.
Usually, I play the most, and spend until the wee hours playing with my bf, his best friend, and 1 other guild member. The other guy usually leaves first around midnight. And my bf’s best friend is up with us until around 1-2am. We play in our own game outside of wow now too. So, the other day, my bf’s best friend says he is going to sleep. I say okay and wait a bit as I notice it’s super quiet on his end, and my bf saw him log off the game. As soon as his best friend logs off, my bf is like “he left right as I got attacked by a forest!” I laughed about it.
My bf’s best friend often just goes afk rather than just end the call. And I assumed he just left call, went afk, or I didn’t hear him leave call. I wait a couple more seconds thinking I’m alone with my bf. Then say “(friend name) is gone? Oh, finally. I’ve been holding this in for so long” and immediately rip out the loudest most ear blaring fart that lasted a good 2-4 seconds. And after I was done I sighed and said that was nice. Only to hear my bf’s best friend just nonchalantly going “I’ll get back in the game and help you”. I about died there and then on the inside.
He then said a comment on my fart with laughter along with my bf who was laughing so hard that he couldn’t speak at all.
Yesterday I hoped it would be forgotten, but as my bf’s best friend was going to bed, he asked me “so, do you have anything else embarrassing to say or do before I leave? Need another fart?” And I got red being shy again and said no and he laughed and said he was just making sure. My bf and him both told me they will not let it go for a while as it was hilarious. They both do tease me on and off with stuff and it is actually hilarious to me.
TL;DR: thought I was in a call with just my bf and I farted really loud and long right after I said “I’ve been holding this in for so long” and his best friend heard it and now they won’t let me live it down.
Edit: fixed grammar.
shesavillain: At least you know you can be comfortable around him too, now lol
Sweet_Lillylove: Yeah, that’s true lol.
| 3 | 5.666667 | |
1668651978 | 1668753984 | t3_yxdvic | t5_2to41 | 33 | c4rrot: TIFU by dreaming
First time writing in here, after being a member for quite some time.
So, me (30M), fu while dreaming last night.
I was sleeping next to my wife (31F), like almost all couples do, i guess, and because i dream of really stupid things, i began to dream about having a plastic bag that allowed me to fly... (Yup, like I said, my dreams make no sense).
It was all good, in the dream, cause it was awesome to have a plastic bag that could fly like Aladdin Magic Carpet, until i was confronted by some people who wanted to take the plastic bag from me.
Now, i tend to be active when I sleep, so I move a lot.
My hand was near my wife's hair, and by this moment in my dream, someone was trying to take my flying plastic bag from me, so i decided to pull it back to me. Little did i know that I was pulling her hair in my sleep, which i pulled, according to her, about 4/5 times.
The result is that she is really pissed at me and barely talks to me because i even pulled so hard that i even picked a bit of hair from her...
TL;DR: I dreamt of having a flying plastic bag and pulled my wife's hair during sleep, dreaming I was pulling the bag.
ash_vn: I constantly dream of getting 3 wishes and what I would do with them
VirtualDeliverance: Did you ever wish for omnipotence, omniscience and omnipresence?
ash_vn: >omnipresence
kind of yes
Omnipotence - the quality of having unlimited or very great power. - YES , wish to pick up soldiers and armaments put them back in their countries no taking over others borders. No harassing women. No harassing on basis of religion or choice of life. General invincibility from consequences for me when dealing with greater powers
Omniscience - the state of knowing everything - Kind of I want all available knowledge in the world and beyond past current and future too, wish to prevent crimes before they happen or report the authorities before they happen. Also want to be able to earn hell lot of money in stock market from future knowledge and just give out big gifts to all and sundry
Omnipresence - the fact of being present or having an effect everywhere at the same time - Already the first 2 have been serving it so not quite. have some personal requirement for self gratification.
&#x200B;
PS - suffering from depression and anxiety since long I largely think that me be the cause of me being in fantasy land more than in real life.
| 4 | 8.25 | |
1668654693 | 1668667673 | t3_yxevdz | t5_2to41 | 59 | Brodziks: TIFU by getting sexual with random girl from the internet
Occasionally Im using an app that allows you to meet random friends from around the world. I use it sometimes when im bored to just chat with someone. I was texting with this girl and everything was going well, we asked some question about eachother, showed eachother faces and traded with social media, pretty nice talk I would say. And then our chat became a little more sexual. Yeah i sent her my dick pic. And then all of a sudden she sent me screenshots of all my friends on instagram that she took, and started threating me, that she will send everything she got from our convo to all of my followers on Instagram, unless i buy her Steam Gift Card. As you can tell, comes out that girl is a guy. Yeah i almost had panic attack and i bought one steam card for him. But it was not enough for him and he wanted more. I negotiated with him to remove everything he got for a while, but after some time he sent me a screenshot that showed he sent that stuff to one of my friend already. At that time i just ghosted him and sent a DM to all of my followers on IG that in warning them that someone might send you my uncensored pic, and asking if they could just not enter it, block and remove him. This happened at 2AM so everyone was sleeping when i sent these messages. As im writing it, right now is 4Am and im just waiting for the reaction from the pople when they wake up and read my message.
I still dont know if he really sent that stuff already to everyone. Shit happens.
TL;DR: Got sexual with random girl from the internet, comes out it was a guy and wanted steam gift card for not sending my nude pic to all of my Instagram followers. Paid for one but it didn't end there. So I DM'd all of my friends warning them that they might get that pic eventually.
neovb: Well, well. Another TIFU about sending compromising pictures to a random stranger on the internet. After a certain point in life, or at least after perpetually reading these stories on Reddit, you'd think that people would eventually realize that they should stop sending dick pics or whatnot to randoms. Clearly, the world is full of idiots.
LuckyBastard8484: You’re a wordsmith. Can I see your dick?
neovb: Of course! But to verify your identity I'm going to need your full name, current address, birth date, and social security number. That way we both know we're not getting scammed before I transfer the $1,000,000 your uncle from Africa left you.
| 4 | 14.75 | |
1668662838 | 1668719784 | t3_yxhn1e | t5_2to41 | 4,391 | coffecup1978: TIFU by booting the wrong guy out of the office
Big day today in the office, but drinks planned later in the day so it should be good day! Me being a low level engineer at a branch office gets early into the city before heading out to the client. Stops by the office, first person in, except this one guy loitering in the lobby. No ID card, sorry, can't let you in. Looks like a security audit, better thread carefully. Guy say he's here to see a manager. Always a linked in scam., we are a hi security business and have to be onto it. Trying to call manager to confirm, no answer, tells "Bob" I cant verify, and I may have to check with security. Bob decides to leave. Later check with manager, yup, he knows Bob, and was indeed expecting him. Later in the evening at company event over drinks, gets reintroduced to Bob, *who I effectively booted out*, turns out being the EMEA/AFRICA/Asia Pacific global manager from headoffice...
TLDR; booted a guy out trying to sneak into our branch office, turned out to be global manager for company...
TheKurosawa: One time, we were shortstaffed so I was called in to work the ropes that led to the DJ's booth at a nightclub. Hated every second of it. It was a very popular DJ so I was constantly being nagged by namedroppers that pretend to be your friend, or the owner's friend, or the DJ's friend, etc. "Bro you don't know who I am?!" - stuff like that. It was simple - no wristband, no entry. Full stop.
Had a guy come up to me and just casually try to walk in with confidence. I block his way and asks to see his wristband. He looks at me and says that he didn't think he needed one.
"Sorry, no wristband, no entry."
He tells me his name and starts talking to me about how he knows the DJ, and that he's expected, etc. - all stuff I've heard before. I'm not having it. He finally just turns around and walks away. Never saw him again for the rest of the night.
Next day, the talent manager, who was essentially second in command at the club, passes by me, doubles back, and asks, "hey, did you happen to meet a guy named so-and-so last night?"
"Oh him? Yeah he was trying to get into the booth but didn't have a band."
"I see. Well he's the DJ's brother. They were wondering where he was." and he just walks away.
I was a bit embarrassed, but I knew it wasn't entirely my fault, and I have other responsibilities at the club so I didn't think they would fire me, at least not immediately.
Next time that DJ came, I find out that he actually *specifically* asks for me to at the ropes, and that the talent manager wanted me there for every major DJ event. Turns out I'm exactly what they wanted - an absolute wall that just did not care who you were or who you knew. Ended up meeting the brother again. I apologized and he got me a drink (one of the perks as long as I didn't overdo it). Over time, it got to the point where people would see me standing there and just turn back around. Not gonna lie, it felt good to be respected at least on some level at work.
PanBlanco22: And that’s how you make your own job easier over time. When I worked in a jail, I’d see officers that struggled with telling inmates no. They always became the guy that the inmates would ask extra favors from, which made their jobs harder.
When they knew that I’d just say no, they never asked. I’m here to make sure you stay here and stay alive. Staying happy is last on the list of priorities, and I’ve got 300 other people to worry about.
Sir_Penguin21: That story would play better if jails weren’t inhumane, overcrowded, hell holes that do the opposite of what they ought to be doing.
Winjin: Who knows, maybe he's from Sweden and the requests were "Would you like another chocolate chip cookie we baked Officer" or "Would you join us in the Tekken 3 match officer?" and "I know you already gifted sweaters to everyone you know, but I've made three more, can you find people to share them with officer?"
PanBlanco22: I always treated my inmates with respect and dignity. I never gave them extra cookies, coffee, passed notes, etc. that would have led to more and more stupid requests.
They knew I cared, and would help them out in whatever way I could.
Winjin: Dude, no shade, you sound like the "stern but just human being" and it's awesome, I was just joking about how Scandinavian prisons are basically daycare for angry grown ups.
PanBlanco22: I hear ya there. Their prison system is fascinating to me.
“Stern, but human” is a really good way to describe it. I always said that I take my job seriously, but not so much myself.
MyLifeisTangled: You mean humane?
PanBlanco22: “Human” is probably a more accurate word. I went in every day knowing that “but for the grace of God, there go I.”
These people have made bad decisions and gotten themselves into a mess, sure, but they’re still human beings with lives and loved ones. I treated them as such, and found a fair amount of success for the nearly 7 years that I was there.
MyLifeisTangled: No I get that, but using it as an adjective like “you should be stern” the correct use is “you should be humane.” I know you’re saying “treat them like humans” but the best way to express that is still “humane.” To specify you treat them as humans, you would have to reword by saying “be stern but treat them like humans” or something to that effect.
sunshinefireflies: Aren't they referring to the way they themselves behave? They connect with their own humanity, behave like a human not an uncaring robot. That's different to behaving humanely, which is about how you treat the other person.
To me it read well.
PanBlanco22: Be human. Don’t be robot. 😏
| 13 | 337.769231 | |
1668665458 | 1668667835 | t3_yxigg2 | t5_2to41 | 12 | [deleted]: TIFU by going to a College Party and getting robbed and humiliated.
[deleted]
RosieQParker: I think you mighta been roofied there. Which makes this less a FU and more you being the victim of a crime. This doesn't sound like the effect of four drinks.
Weird-Site4979: I still blame myself for going to the stupid party in the first place.
StellarTitz: I'm 33 and been to my fair share of parties. But alcohol and drugs really aren't my thing, so whether it's playing pool at the local bar or going to a rave downtown I'm typically sober. I've never felt the need to give in to peer pressure, and usually no one really has anything to say to a sober person that can hurt their feelings. It's not the party, it's how you enjoy it. Protect yourself and be there for your friends, being the designated driver always wins me points with friends and randoms alike.
Weird-Site4979: I lost most of my friends after highschool since most of them went out of state for college, and some joined the military. Also I don't do drugs, just alittle bit of drinking here and there.
| 5 | 2.4 | |
1668669366 | 1668698980 | t3_yxjml2 | t5_2to41 | 1,015 | lookin_4Answers: TIFU snacking on prunes when i got the munchies
tifu was was like 45 minutes ago. rn i am sitting on the toilet. honestly i would cry, but i don’t have the energy. i took weed for my chronic pain like i usually do. a real monster migraine tonight. the type
that makes me want to die. i smoke the weed, pain doesn’t disappear but i feel a lot better. i get the munchies. i checked my pantry for snacks and there was the bag of prunes. i had somewhere between 5 and 12 of them. i don’t eat prunes. i had heard of what they do for *some* people, but i had never been “personally introduced ” to her effects.
i feel nothing for over 30 minutes. then suddenly in the span of LESS than 5 minutes, all shit went lose. literally.
and the worst part isn’t even the shit. it’s the cramps, its the intestines cramping and screaming for help, turning to stone, like receiving a thousand punches in the gut.
TLDR: was too stupid and too high, ate a bunch of prunes when the munchies hit. many poops. much pain. much sad. much regrets
KRed75: Sorry to inform you that cleansing effects of prunes would not hit you for 6 to 12 hours. You got the shits from something else.
machibox: No… if youve ever had Taylors deep water prune juice… 30 mins is all it takes
greengrayclouds: He said prunes, not prune juice. Big difference
lookin_4Answers: i dipped them in lemon juice and salt. ate them like sour candy lol. and needed a lot of water in between. maybe it was that combination
HOTP1: Lol this is one of the strangest snacks I’ve ever heard
sugarplumbuttfluck: It's actually quite common in Mexican culture. They make saladitos, which are dried salted apricots where I'm at usually, but they also make them out of dried salted plums. The best ones have lime or chili on them.
When I saw this post that's immediately what I thought of, because I love them so much, but I learned my lesson around 8 years old and I have never forgotten it. I never eat a full package anymore
| 7 | 145 | |
1668670243 | 1668786095 | t3_yxjv3u | t5_2to41 | 17 | Lynxwasneverhere: TIFU by leaving school because I was bored
today I (16M) had a peer support leader training (a course from 8 to 5 30 for 3 days). I got super bored and then decided to just leave. some other guys did this too so I thought I wouldn't get scolded. The problem is I did it the worst way possible. I told my teacher I was going to the toilet then left, resulting in them later searching for me when I was half way home... they then called up my mum who then had to lie without knowing wth was going on so that I wouldn't lose my role and was so disappointed with me. my mum, who has just recovered from covid has to juggle alot on her plate at work and I really just want to make her proud. hearing her tell me how disappointed she was felt like a punch in the gut and I just feel so bad. I honestly would not feel that bad if I lost the position, but my parents were so proud when they hear that I got it, and I fear I will be letting them down. I really just wish I could go back and just endure it for another 5 hours...
tldr: left in the middle of school and got scolded for it
Dr_Quack1: I am a 24 year man. And I did everything in highschool that I needed to in order to pass. And you know how much of that actually helps me now? You guessed it, zero. The point is, if you pass highschool there's pretty much no difference between you and the honor students/valedictorians. What's important is being respectful and hardworking in whatever career field you choose to do when you graduate. Don't beat yourself up over it. Frankly I wish I skipped more days.
Slurms_McKensei: The public school system is a fucking joke. Did you know they have to clock in and out for bathroom breaks now? That thing everyone does to survive and can be very embarrassing, kids have to ask permission to do.
Your comment shouldn't be controversial. Its a smart girl who realizes she isn't learning and goes to find her own path.
Dr_Quack1: Yikes, I truly believe there is a lack of teachers that are willing to teach children HOW to learn as apposed to WHAT they should be learning. If a kid is willing to seek out information and develop skills for a future job then they will never struggle in life.
We have too many teachers overly stressing how important grades are when in reality nobody outside of school cares about that (unless you didn't pass.) In the end when a teacher stresses how important getting a good grade is it always puts unnecessary pressure on a kid that might be doing his/her absolute best and a C is all they can muster. I am WILDLY successful and if you asked what kind of grades I got back in high school you'd be shocked to hear that I barely passed. (sorry to ramble, but I'm very passionate about this subject)
| 4 | 4.25 | |
1668680357 | 1668721836 | t3_yxmn09 | t5_2to41 | 11,610 | 4Pawbs: TIFU by accidentally breaking a serious law
TLDR- I accidently ticked the box "I am unable to read and write English" on my jury summons form and got excused for life, accidently committing a felony with a $1000 fine or 2 months jail time
Happened just now.
So I just got home and found a Prospective Juror letter in my mailbox. The date of sending was 7th November, it also says I must submit the questionnaire by 19th November with today being the 17th. I'll admit, I panicked, it is a serious offence to not submit the form.
Having no reason other than employer may be upset without me for a month, I logged in online to complete the questionnaire.
You have to go through a "I will not lie, declaration."
I filled out the form only for it to say, you have been permanently removed from the summons list ???
I go back to my answers to see that I read "I am unable to read and write English" as "I am able to..."
Cue further panic, I try to see if I can change the answer or delete it and redo it. Nope not online. Unfortunately I work the entire hours they are open for calling so I send screenshots of the hard copy form I was given, apologising and saying I am capable and able.
Hopefully they can fix it as I don't want to have a problem with declaring the wrong information. The penalty of wrongful information is $1000 or 2 months jail time.
I am also questioning my ability to read, something I have never done as I am an avid reader and born and bred English speaker.
EDIT: Typos
UPDATE: I just reread the form and it's not due until the bloody 19TH DECEMBER!!!! seriously questioning my ability to read now
EDIT 2:
For those saying this is not real... it definitely is, I have a date stamped email to the jurors email address I sent before going to bed last night.
FYI - I'm female not male
Those saying just don't respond or cop out of Jury Duty... I am the kind of person that likes helping my local community and the government. My MIL is in politics and I have my own views about everything and love that it is mandatory to vote. I regularly volunteer for charity and donate what I can so this is not out of character for me to do this. There is also no reason for me not to do it and honestly I wouldn't mind a break from my current work.
For those saying it's not a serious law... technically in my country it is akin to fraud (as you are lying on a legal government document) but there is a lower penalty as it's not as serious as other types of fraud.
Side notes... I don't actually think I will have a problem because I emailed immediately. I shared because it was such a ridiculous fuck up that I figured I'd share because it's funny. My husband was at work and he laughed so hard when I told him about it.
This is the first time either of us have received a juror questionnaire.
Marcel___: in a way you proved that you were unable to read english
nize426: Lolol exactly what I was thinking.
Cronerburger: They probably dont want OP on the stand anyways lol. Upheld!
No-Elk9791: Jurors don’t take the stand lol.
Hotdoganddonut: WELL THIS ONE DOES!!
No-Elk9791: Lmao hes a defendant not a juror 😂
gumiho-9th-tail: Nobody told him though; he only read the explanation...
| 8 | 1,451.25 | |
1668674289 | 1668729107 | t3_yxkyay | t5_2to41 | 91 | crow_king_2: TIFU by losing a fight with myself
Tifu by losing a fight with myself
I was playing team hand ball (if you don't know what that is look it up) I went to score had my back to the goal tried to turn 180 instead I somehow swept myself of my feet landing horizontal on my right side I see stars in my right eye my left eye goes black the nurse on-site checked me out and recommended I go to immediate care my friend drives me there (as I might have a concussion) they tell me to sit down as there might be a wait 30 minutes later I get checked out they say I suffered a concussion and that my jaw and nose are swollen and say that I might have bleeding in my brain and that I need to get a CT scan they get the results nothing they tell me that for the next two weeks I will not be able to focus on things very well (don't know how that works) tldr lost a fight with myself getting a concussion
(Edit: I am on a phone so no punctuation i also dont care)
TNellist: Please re-edit with some punctuation, I nearly passed out trying to read that in the same breath without stopping.
Azal_of_Forossa: Homie kicked his own ass and got a concussion and you're hating how he types lmfao
| 3 | 30.333333 | |
1668692116 | 1668753869 | t3_yxqfw9 | t5_2to41 | 1,216 | [deleted]: TIFU by letting it slip I think feet are sexy
[deleted]
[deleted]: OP don't read too much into that. Many chicks just like messin with our legs and feet. Source: am have lady feet
Comfortable_Back_235: Yeah I agree with that. The thing is she didn’t do it before, as creepy as this sounds I would have noticed if she did.
gotora: Have you thought about the possibility that she's trying to subtly express interest?
Comfortable_Back_235: Yeah that’s definitely the first thing on my mind. I always try to keep that side of things away from the workplace but she’s making that rule hard to follow
jello-kittu: Im sure all the bros will think it's just fine, but a lot of workplaces, it's better to keep it clean.
En-TitY_: OP should probably toe the line on this one.
try2bcool69: Don't be a heel, though.
madeagles: There’s too much fuckery afoot
| 9 | 135.111111 | |
1668695044 | 1668701908 | t3_yxrn4l | t5_2to41 | 13 | Other_Self_2520: tifu by making a move on my crush
for some background context me and said crush had dated for about six months until a couple weeks ago when she told me she needed a break for mental health reasons. i was understanding since i have problems of my own, and was willing to wait on her.
fast forward to yesterday when she texted me for the first time since our decided break. i made the dumb choice of trying to be flirty, thinking she texted me because she was done with the whole break thing. well she seemed shocked and uncomfortable at this and when i asked her what was up i got a vague "oh nothing" answer. so i pushed a little more later on by making a sexual joke to witch she was okay with and joked with me.
what? so i sit there confused because it seemed that she only really cared about me when the conversation got sexual. i tried to move past it my suspicions even though it hurt a bit.
this kept happening, i flirt, she gets uncomfortable and makes it sexual. at this point i'm a bit irritated at this so i straight up ask her if she still had any romantic interest in me to witch she replied "idk".
okay now im embarrassed. i had been flirting with her all day just to find out she probably doesn't like me anymore. i stopped responding.
but here's the big problem, she texted me 30 min or so later saying her person of interest wasn't responding. so not only have I been flirting with someone who didn't want me, I've been flirting with someone who had completely moved on. i put on a fake sympathy act and end the conversation. we haven't talked since, im so embarrassed and want to just block her and forget about this mess. if you have any advice please send it my way:(
tl;dr i hit on my crush/ex after we had taken a small break for her mental health just to find out she had moved on.
edit: spelling error
AaliyahK12: Tell me you're still in middle school without telling me you're still in middle school.
Other_Self_2520: high school:,)
AaliyahK12: Wish I could tell you it gets easier my dude.
Love is a minefield.
| 4 | 3.25 | |
1668699153 | 1668745265 | t3_yxt8wt | t5_2to41 | 37 | [deleted]: TIFU caught “having fun”
[deleted]
SillyPuttyPurple: You're most likely fine - getting spicy in a practice room was not unusual when I was in college, just lock/block the door next time, lol!
LNikon720: it was the top of the stairs in my college.
| 3 | 12.333333 | |
1668700246 | 1668727404 | t3_yxto8f | t5_2to41 | 247 | Happykittymeowmeow: TIFU by stabbing myself in the face
Obligatory, this happened yesterday.
Edited to add: [Pic from a couple hours after](https://imgur.com/a/VwbZ0wr)
[Pic from just now, the day after](https://imgur.com/a/B2faJr9)
Edit 2: Got the hood open without any more casualties!
#
I (29F) don't have a lot of luck with cars lately. My car died and I have been borrowing a spare vehicle from my dad. Now this normally wouldn't be an issue, but the hood cable is broken and I can usually grab it from inside and pull hard with pliers and it'll open.
NOT TODAY!
It snowed and the latch wouldn't budge. I sprayed the joints down with pb blaster and let it sit a bit. Still wouldn't budge. So in the natural progression of things I grabbed a screwdriver.
Everything was wet, the screwdriver slipped and I punched myself in the eye with the screwdriver. I narrowly missed the eyeball. Cut my lower eyelid. Made someone at work pass out. Oh yeah, this was in my work parking lot.
Today I came in and I guess one of the drama gossip people at work told everyone I lost my eye. So there's that.
No more off label screwdriver use for me. I'm never gonna live this down.
TL;DR Screwdrivers aren't made for prying. My face hurts. My face also isn't made for screwdrivers. Use the right tool for the job.
AaliyahK12: Hope you're alright that sounds nasty!
Did you get the hood open in the end?
Happykittymeowmeow: I'm OK. Just a nasty black eye and a cut. And no, it's still stuck but I'm not touching that shit again.
HighlightFun8419: no pic OP?
Happykittymeowmeow: [Here, ](https://imgur.com/a/VwbZ0wr) this is right after it happened while I was waiting for urgent care to get to me. The cut under my eyelashes is where the screwdriver hit.
[This ](https://imgur.com/a/B2faJr9) is from just now.
Only a couple mm from my eyeball.
hotdogwaterbreath: at least your eye brows were on fleek 
Happykittymeowmeow: Haha thank you!
| 7 | 35.285714 | |
1668700389 | 1668723547 | t3_yxtq7x | t5_2to41 | 4 | Dipsi1010: TIFU my life is going well but something is missing
[removed]
senorbuzz: You have posted this in 11 different subs and of all of them this is the strangest place for it.
Dipsi1010: Well i need answers, planning on seeing a therapist
LitheXD: You should definitely see a therapist before getting a GF. Imo, you want to be in a healthy state of mind to cultivate a healthy relationship.
Dipsi1010: True, just a bit nervous about seeing one
| 5 | 0.8 | |
1668704357 | 1668740724 | t3_yxvcrh | t5_2to41 | 895 | LoreCriticizer: TIFU by trying to eat like Winston from 1984.
So, I've always been a fan of the book 1984. It was the first "grown up" book I read as a child and I find its concepts, world and messages very fascinating. For some reason, I'd always had an odd fixation with the way the food is described in the world, particularly what Winston ate in his regulation lunch. I guess it was probably because child me grew up in a pretty rich country, and so to have someone describe such horseshit food as the only thing he eats was nigh-incomprehensible to me.
So today, I was rereading it and on a whim I decided "Hey, I'm a grown adult who can cook, I'll try to make it." For those unaware, a regulation lunch is described as a bowl of pinkish-gray stew, a small piece of bread, a nugget of cheese, and a cup of Victory coffee served without milk but with one saccharine tablet, and gin on the side.
No biggie. I made a simple cream pork stew and added a tiny bit of food coloring, got some bread and cheese, made a cup of coffee without milk and got a sugar cube for the saccharine tablet. But what about the gin? I'm usually not a drinker (remember this) so I went down to the store and bought myself a bottle. Thus, I was set, and ready to eat like I was a slave to Big Brother. For the sake of authenticity, I poured myself a cup of gin, and gulped it down like Winston did.
Big mistake.
I, a person who usually only drank fizzy apple cider once a month for social purposes, had just swallowed an entire cup of 40% alcohol. I vomited immediately, all over my lunch, and accidentally slipped or something which sent the vomit to the floor as well. This left me, rather than having a normal lunch, having to clean up my mess, hungry and nauseous.
tl;dr Don't roleplay as a slave or you'll actually end up cleaning like one.
Thescottishguy87: This gave me a good laugh, hopefully lunch tomorrow goes better
Jinm409: Only if they don’t read Fahrenheit 451 first. Role playing 1984 is one thing, 451 is a completely different spicyness
jonny24eh: I need to re-read both of these, turns out my brain thinks they're the same book and groups everything I remember about either one together.
VoltaicSketchyTeapot: Might as well read Brave New World and Catch-22 at the same time.
JadeE1024: Add in The Handmaid's Tale. Maybe A Clockwork Orange for spice. Read them all at once, alternating one chapter at a time. Don't sleep more than 3 or 4 hours a night. Leave a cable news channel playing constantly in the background 24/7. Really revel in the dystopia.
RizzMustbolt: Then celebrate by watching Brazil.
Hilobird: *chef kiss*
| 8 | 111.875 | |
1668706349 | 1668748950 | t3_yxw6rz | t5_2to41 | 76 | No_Sprinkles1803: TIFU by being a virgin
this is a throwaway for obvious reasons
so this happened a few hours ago, me being a 25 years old virgin, i was sick and tired of being picked on by my buddies and decided to pay a worker and just get done with it, thinking with a logic that if i do it, i'll learn how its done and when a girl decides that i'm good enough for her to be with me, i won't look like an idiot trying to figure out what to do.
so i'm at this person's place, she was very good looking, she gave me a super nice massage and got me ready, as hard as a tree i was, and when it came time for me to put it in, i went completely spaghetti and it just stopped working, she tried so hard to make me hard again but to no results, that moment i wished that the earth would open up and swallow me.
now i hate myself for failing as a man, i don't know what the fuck happened or why, but i just hate myself and i want to disappear from this planet
the slightly good news is that now i know what a woman looks like and feels like, and that my rod is above average (she said she didnt expect me to be this big considering how tiny i am)
TL;DR : i failed to unvirgin myself
Devittraisedto2: Are your friends assholes, sounds like they are if they're making fun of you for being a virgin
Because at this day and age virginity doesn't really hold much value, if you're a virgin, there will be a time for you to lose it. No need to rush.
Otfd: Do you guy friends not give you a hard time? Y’all ever hung out with guys? Doesn’t mean they aren’t ride or die..
Devittraisedto2: ?
You speak as if that's the only type of friends you know
When the friends I have dont give me a hard time and are supportive of each other. We respect each other and don't pick on other friends who are still virgins.
Yes we tease each other but we don't do it as OP's friends do to the point he's conscious about his virginity.
Otfd: Keep assuming shit. Weird
Devittraisedto2: You're the one who first assumed I don't have any guy friends so, you do you fella.
So suffice to say, it's weird for you to call me weird and assuming when that's the very thing you did. Quite hypocritical of you.
Minute-Ad-2148: Actually he assumed you did have guy friends by asking about them.
How could he ask about what your male friends do if he believed you have none? 🤔
| 7 | 10.857143 | |
1668710215 | 1668763791 | t3_yxxsku | t5_2to41 | 19 | [deleted]: TIFU by going to a male gynecologist
[removed]
somewhere308: ppl like u are ruining the glamor of r/tifu noone gives a fuck about u
Ria_rianna1: Wtf, is one not allowed to talk about men ?! If a woman is making sexual remarks, the whole Reddit brings her down . Like am I not allowed to express myself?
GregoryGregory666666: It has nothing to do with a woman making sexual remarks. It's about you being so new here and already telling tall tales with the expectations we believe it. Go to a fantasy sub, assuming there is one, and regale folks there with your BS.
Ria_rianna1: I have been on Reddit before but lost my password. Why is everyone so pressed about sexual stories? If they offend you, just block me, jeez
GregoryGregory666666: Doesn't change the fact you are posting BS stories hoping for karma. And BS on losing the PW. That is an easy fix.
Ria_rianna1: I definitely don’t win any Karma out of it . Everyone is downvoting me cause I had a fun experience
GregoryGregory666666: I think you meant to say "I had a fantasy experience." You need to stop before you totally lose any credibility you have remaining.
| 8 | 2.375 | |
1668713112 | 1668776509 | t3_yxz0wq | t5_2to41 | 4,704 | IamaLuna-tic: TIFU by letting my dad see "girlqueen pussy boss" on my phone.
(My cousins story, but shes using my account!)
This happened a month ago, but here we go:
Basically, me and my cousins are very close, and we always name each other stupid ass names on our phones and its sometimes very unique and inappropriate. We're Arab, but me n my cousins mostly speak in English, and my dad does not speak english very well, and has a heavy Arabic accent.
So, I named my cousin "girlqueen pussy boss" on my phone as a joke, and I had named her that ages ago when this story happened. Me and my dad were in the car and he was driving me to Ms. Girlqueen pussy boss' house and I had my bluetooth connected to the car and we were vibing and listening to music.
Lo and behold, what shows on the screen? Girlqueen Pussy Boss is calling.
I freaked out and quickly answered and we all heard my cousins voice in the car asking me when im getting there and I said soon, and after the call ended I kept the music playing so as to not look suspicious and my dad gives me a weird look, and A MINUTE LATER goes "What does girlqueen pussy boss mean?" in his HEAVY ARABIC ACCENT and i would have laughed if i wasnt so FUCKING TERRIFIED
So I said "Um, its just a thing girls call each other, like jokingly you know?" and then i shut up and increased the music volume.
My dad pulls out his phone and I see him typing something in and my heart stops, and for a minute I literally begged God to crash the car, and he's staring at his phone so intently while scrolling and i glanced at it and its fucking "what does girlqueen pussy boss mean"
I pulled out my phone and started searching that and nothing came up and i felt so relieved, but he put down his phone and looked at me again and was like "say hi to girlqueen pussy boss!" with a smile, and i sort of smiled and said yeah, but i was horrified.
Anyway, told everyone the story and they all think its hilarious but MY GOD i immediately changed the name. Im so glad I didnt see my dad for the next few days.
TL;DR named my cousin 'girlqueen pussy boss' and my dad started googling what it meant
cjeam: > me and my cousins are very close
Evidently.
PuffyMcScrote: Well played, fellow redditor.
Well played.
Auzzie_xo: Bad bot.
PM_ME_UR_SYLLOGISMS: Stop downvoting this man, he's right!
SacredSpirit123: Not a bot.
impossiber: That's the joke
One_Umpire_8425: .jpg
| 8 | 588 | |
1668715463 | 1668790413 | t3_yy01do | t5_2to41 | 41 | reevesjeremy: TIFU getting involved in a stick-up
[removed]
AaliyahK12: >but I learned a lesson. Know your target.
Study their habits. Observe when they are at their most vulnerable....
Buy a better weapon than a fingergun.
utopiav1: >Buy a better weapon than a fingergun.
Nothing deadlier than a fingergun, all dads know that.
Gotta keep the safety on at all times, unless you're engaged in an active tickle-fight!
| 3 | 13.666667 | |
1668716589 | 1668725866 | t3_yy0iwf | t5_2to41 | 14 | [deleted]: Tifu by asking my bf to stay awake with me
[deleted]
Semprovictus: There is therapy and stuff for people who are peadophilic, help him find help
Not every pedo consumes CP or acts on it, they usually hate themselves and know it's wrong and want to change.
I listened to a podcast called hunting war head, it goes into detail about the psyche of pedos, mostly focusing on the story of the website takedown of child's play, but there is some great insight
Sounds like you love him, and if he is honest with you enough to talk sounds like he wants help. Don't abandon him now, he may spiral to a point of no return
southernmanners: That is terrible advice. They are not responsible for the pedo's actions if they choose to leave the relationship.
OP, If you dont feel comfortable, especially given the age gap between you, you are free to leave, and if he "spirals" its not your fault or responsibility.
Semprovictus: Though that's fair and you're right it's not her responsibility technically, she has a responsibility to at the very least assist him to get help if she isn't comfortable being in the relationship, the worst thing for her to do is freak out and leave him over this abruptly
Having a sexual affinity for something doesn't automatically make you a PoS. Just because you are attracted to something doesn't mean you will or have acted on it. Wildly different situation if he has acted on this and committed child abuse
She obviously feels for him still, and has a lot to consider.
Me personally looks at the amount of trust they have for each other for him to share that after dating for 4 months and would think it to be a shame for things to end
We don't know the extent of their relationship, but if this was a normal healthy relationship with zero abuse involved between them, this is something they can cultivate imo
shorterthanyou15: These comments are insane. He's 23 and started dating her when she was 17. She's only 18 now. She is absolutely allowed to leave him if she wants and has no responsibility to have to find help for him. I can't believe you're saying she has responsibility to find him help. Such an insane take.
| 5 | 2.8 |
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