start_date stringlengths 10 10 | end_date stringlengths 10 10 | thread_id stringlengths 8 10 ⌀ | subreddit stringclasses 1
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value | total_score int64 -564 194k | text stringlengths 52 58.9k | num_messages int64 3 160 | avg_score float64 -55.17 14.3k |
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1669106523 | 1669119948 | t3_z1ol52 | t5_2to41 | -8 | AnonUser3922747: Tifu by not “using” my partners body
Some backstory I 19 male and my really good friend female 19 have been in an odd situation lately cause we both started to look at each other in more of a relationship way then just friends…, and things have been great cause we both really similar and it looked like it was goona go well for both of us but few days ago as we were kissing I felt that she wasn’t 100% in and I kinda backed down and hugged her instead of just kissing her or taking it to third base I didn’t thought much about it but the day after she came by my apartment and told me that she wants to stop this thing between us and her explanation was that she can’t find anything wrong in me and told me that although I knew she wasn’t 100% sure and she’s confirmed that I should have thought only about myself and take things more aggressively and continue, and now I’m left not really understanding why or what happened, just that I fucked up by not ignoring her feelings, am I a jerk? Can someone shed some light on my situation?
TL;DR: I’ve stopped a situation between me and my friend cause I’ve felt she wasn’t sure about it and it backfired right back at me.
Edit: when we spoke later I said that it’s ok if she ain’t sure and she should take the time and figure out what she wants and that I’ll leave her alone to that and I wont try to make a move and get closer to her cause just friends is ok too and she replied with “I want you to try but now that’s isent it and if you continued then maybe it was but now we’re just friends and you should try and make it more”, honestly I don’t understand women sorry ladies but I’m so confused, can’t it be simple as yes or no?.
Prind25: You should just go for it until she says "no" dude because obviously she wanted it if she's now upset that you didn't go for it, she's just showing it in a super weird way.
Successful-Singer-76: OP:s 20/20 hindsight is a million times better than the reverse 20/20 hindsight if he did continue and she didn't want to.
You don't "Just go for it until she says no" for the chance of her actually wanting it. That's how you end up sexually assaulting someone or worse, you tool.
Prind25: It should be pretty obvious if it's ok or not. You don't need a written statement of consent. Especially since this has held true in this particular circumstance. A simple "are you ok" as you get more serious should suffice. He's not feeling her up on the bus, he's advancing an already established relationship where communication and comfort have already been functioning for a while.
| 4 | -2 | |
1669121579 | 1669125300 | t3_z1sum2 | t5_2to41 | 7 | Ancient_Zebra_647: TIFU by not moving my husband's truck and it got towed.
At my apartment complex there's a few parking spots for future residents to park in. Residents aren't supposed to park in them Monday-Friday 10:00-6:00. My husband parked there the other night because there was no other parking available. We had a discussion the next morning about whether or not to move it. I thought that we decided it should be fine. Apparently he thought I would move it. I was working from home all day and kept debating whether or not I should move it. I decided that it would be fine and now I'm wishing I had moved it. He came home from work and asked where his truck was. Come to find out that it had been towed. It's going to cost over $400 to get it back. Now he's super passed and won't talk to me.
TL:DR A misunderstanding led to me not moving my husband's truck and it got towed and now husband won't talk to me.
DanTheBiggMan: Not talking over $400. That is the real problem here. There are going to be way worse things than a towing fee that pop up in life.
StevaSignal: Life is already hard enough, 400$ for something that could have been easily avoided, especially if already agreed upon is just a really un-needed problem.
And as you said there are going to be worse things, thats exactly why if you live in a relationship you should try to ease and help each other over everyday small gurdles so you can be ready for the worse.
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1669122554 | 1669125603 | t3_z1t72y | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU By unknowingly walking around with a 100 degree fever
[deleted]
Decryptic__: 99.8?! So you where near the boiling point of water?! Holy! You're hot! /s
Jokes aside, hope you'll get well soon.
MonstahButtonz: 100° is barely a fever.
Anything over 99.5°, and many thermometers (especially temporal ones and/or cheap ones) can be easily off by 0.5° if not more.
Off topic, but water boils around 212°F, assuming OP doesn't speak temps in celcius. 😉
mikeyHustle: The joke was clearly a Celsius joke. Whether it was funny? YMMV. But they knew what joke they were making.
Sadblackcat666: I’m from the USA. We’re Celsius illiterate here.
| 5 | 0.8 | |
1669124254 | 1669132697 | t3_z1tspb | t5_2to41 | 4 | Primary_Tiger_8190: TIFU: I got a large speeding ticket
This was not today but a while ago. I got a $500 dollar ticket and I felt absolutely horrible. I had a clean record until then and I am probably the last person you would expect to get a ticket, I very intentionally avoid doing anything illegal, from speeding to even crossing a crosswalk only when it says even when there’s no traffic. The reason I got the ticket was for speeding, I am too ashamed to say the numbers, but it was in the early am with very little if any traffic but it was still dark, I was going faster than I ever had on the highway, reason being I had talked to friends about their cars top speeds and what not so I figured what better time when there’s like no one around so I don’t have to worry about hitting anyone else or being pulled over. I speed up I get to a fast speed and immediately see a cop flick their lights on. The process of the cop pulling me over was very quick and the cop wasn’t mean or anything was just kind of like you can’t be doing that, you could hit a dear it’s hunting season, and you just can’t be going that fast. I was shaking throughout the entire encounter. All things considered I was extremely Fucking lucky in that they didn’t take my license right then and there as-well as no jail time or anything. But I had literally not slept for a couple days. I didn’t tell my parents for a while, and I was a college student and I was driving my parents car. I honestly was so anxious and I hated it. I was able and did pay off the ticket but that was a large hit to my bank account, I was contemplating contacting some legal support, but didn’t. I was most concerned about my record, potentially screwing it up for stuff like my insurance and what not. I regret ever speeding, it really wasn’t worth it and I don’t think you will catch me going more than 1 or 2 over now… I was just so mentally and physically exhausted for like a week, I just wanted it all to be over.
This was a couple years ago. I still don’t know if what I did was right, in terms of not seeking legal help. Still feel like a pos even though I didn’t hurt anyone or anything. I haven’t talked to like anyone about this does this seem like I was overreacting?
TLDR: I was testing how fast my car could go, got pulled over, given $500 ticket, hadn’t slept in a couple days due to anxiety.
DumbestManEver: You are lucky. In my home state, 20 mph over the limit (75 in a 55 for example) is reckless driving. If you are going over 90, they will actually order a few days in jail after trial. Happened to a friend running late for a flight early morning on a Saturday. He lawyered up, sold his mustang before trial (at the recommendation of his attorney) and still had to serve two days in jail (sentenced to 5).
So you messed up. But at least you didn’t have to see what the local jail was like. Imagine that holding cell conversation . . .
“what are you in for?”
“Assault with a deadly weapon”
And you?
“I was speeding to make a flight to go to the west coast for a sales meeting with a new potential client.”
vette02a: Are you in Virginia? I've not heard of that craziness anywhere else...
DumbestManEver: BINGO! Always set cruise control on the highways here.
vette02a: Yep! Virginia is well known as the worst state to speed. Their punishment scheme is an order of magnitude away from every other state. I have a lead foot normally, but set cruise within 10MPH of the speed-limit when I have to traverse Virginia (and put my radar / laser detector in the truck because VA is the only state where it's illegal.)
| 5 | 0.8 | |
1669124970 | 1669212546 | t3_z1u1xv | t5_2to41 | 66 | [deleted]: TIFU by forgetting that OneDrive exists
[deleted]
Brlnn: I never understood why people “keep porn” especially gbs worth of it. Being young and horny is understandable and I’m not hating on anyone who does save it. Just why go through the trouble to save it all when you can just look it back up? Unless it’s some old school dvd shit.
ThinkItDreamItDoIt: Why do people make playlists for music? There's your answer.
Brlnn: I understand but, having 2 terabytes of music seems a little less concerning than having 2 terabytes of porn saved. We all know porn can lead to many problems and having hundred of videos saved could indicate that that person may have a problem that needs to be addressed, no? That’s just my perspective on it
ThinkItDreamItDoIt: I agree 2 Tb would be a troubling amount. A few gigs isn't crazy though, especially if it's high quality (which I'd assume it is considering it's worth saving). My wife probably has a few gigs saved and we barely ever watch porn.
Which brings up another point: especially when you have kids in the house, saving porn allows you to keep that browser history nice and clean haha.
VideoGamesForU: Things like VR videos are 5 - 20gb per video.
MaccGawd: What VR video is a whole ass 20 GB? 😂 I saved one (moment of weakness) and it was like 1.8 GB, bro.
VideoGamesForU: Check any JAV VR video up. Also at that size it's shit quality. We are talking about 7k or even 8k movies for western stuff and high bit rate 4k videos for JAV stuff. Check CzechVR for western videos for example.
MaccGawd: Bet! Imma check that out; I wanna see what premium VR looks like.
| 9 | 7.333333 | |
1669130562 | 1669131511 | t3_z1wae9 | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU insulting a friend who wants to give me a job
[deleted]
127peter: Are you sure your not 9 years old
Your friend dodged a bullet with you
Wartsoever: Yep mhmmm
| 3 | 1 | |
1669089372 | 1669137587 | t3_z1jo5f | t5_2to41 | 17 | throwmybodyaway1: TIFU by going to a birthday party and challenging a guy to a drink off.
So, I was invited to a birthday party by some guy I met a few months ago. Long story short, I challenged a different much older, much bigger guy, let's call him Greg, there to a drink-off. When I say "challenge", I mean that I mentioned that I have never had a hangover and they took it as a challenge. I felt a little pressured, but I'm an adult and made my own decision even though I was fairly drunk.
We downed a bottle of scotch. I don't usually drink so I think I was fairly fucked up. I'm pretty sure I have pictures of Andy Serkis on my phone. Everyone left except a few of us. It's 3am or something in the morning, but when I'm drunk, I get excited and can't sleep. So I start just following a few guys around.
So, this was in an area of my city with a ton of restaurants and bars and one bar in particular has a few women in it, but every time I pass by, it's usually completely empty. And the much older woman always grabs my arm trying to drag me inside.
So they decide to head to the aforementioned bar. I followed them. I'm not saying I had no idea what the place was, but I was curious. I'll just observe, I thought, in my drunken state. I wasn't horny or anything. Greg decided to get another bottle of whiskey (or something, was probably fake) and we downed that too.
Long story short, the 50-60 year-old, not-particularly-attractive manager started massaging me and rubbing me in my private area then asked if I wanted to go into the backroom. I feel disgusted with myself and I am so fucking worried about STIs right now. I think I kissed her after a little too. Ugh. We used a condom for sex, but not for receiving oral. I just keep brushing my teeth and taking a shower, but this feeling doesn't wash off.
Also lost a few hundred USD. Just wanted to get that off my chest. Gonna have to wait a week for a gonorrhea and chlamydia test. Then a month or so for an HIV, HPV test. I'm gonna get the full work up.
TL;DR: Went to a birthday party, got way too drunk and followed a few guys into a brothel. Had sex with an unattractive 50-year old. And now I feel like I need a new body.
TheSamyn99: But did you have a hangover? 
throwmybodyaway1: I don't think so. The limits of my hangovers are usually I just feel lazy.
| 3 | 5.666667 | |
1669133103 | 1669133724 | t3_z1xcjp | t5_2to41 | 17 | big-daddy-syrup: TIFU by accidentally smoking m3th
For some context: my parents have such a massive pot stash that I help myself to it whenever I visit (asked my mom if it was fine, she said it was). This also happened yesterday, and no they don’t know this event happened. Also, I take adderall for ADHD (prescribed)
So yesterday morning my parents were gone and I had just bought a new dab pen, I knew they had some wax in their room so I go in and look to see where it is.
This is where I fucked up: I see a tiny container that LOOKS like wax— it’s in the same container, it’s slightly brown, but since it was crystal-y I thought it was just shatter.
I take a dab-sized amount of this mystery wax and put it in the pen and upon hitting it I can immediately tell somethings up w this wax… like it tastes very bitter and I didn’t really feel high at all. At this point I was still thinking this was trash weed so I go back in and look for something better…. That’s when I find a meth pipe stashed close by the “wax” I found. I got a gist of what might’ve happened so I send a pic of the substance and pipe and ask my friend what this was and she immediately replied with “that’s meth” and I slightly panic a bit. She was definitely telling the truth because at that point I was vaguely experiencing the same symptoms I’d feel if I took too much adderall (all sweaty, shaky, tiny ass pupils).
She just suggested I lay down and drink orange juice for it to go away and now I feel fine but I’ll never go thru my parents stash again.
TLDR: I accidentally smoked meth thinking it was pot
PlasticInTheBasket: Damn. You should try to get your parents off that shit dude.
big-daddy-syrup: Ik my dads the only one that does it and he said he was gonna quit MONTHS ago, so this was also a surprise for me as well. We’ve been trying and until yesterday rlly thought he quit
oscurochu: I guess you better go get checked into rehab or youll be next. Now you know the secret about why he loves it so much
| 4 | 4.25 | |
1669136013 | 1669212027 | t3_z1yje5 | t5_2to41 | 1,919 | Bruh_lolo: TIFU by getting scammed at a computer repair shop
IMPORTANT EDIT BELOW
So i left my pc at this repair shop for a few days cuz of a random issue with its motherboard. Today i went there and got it back without even getting it repaired, i got home, opened it up and i see he has replaced my i7 7700k CPU with a (probably broken) i7 7700 CPU. But thats not even the worst part, because i don't even have any documentation to prove there was a i7 7700k on the motherboard when i gave it to the repair shop. So here i am, just fuming at my own stupidity cuz i lost something around 450€, not to a thief but to a scammer who i know even if i confront, he'll just deny everything and i can't do jack shit. But hey at least i learned a lesson, always take note of exactly what you're leaving with a repair shop, so they cant do the same thing...
Tl;dr : i got scammed becase i was too trusting of a random computer repair shop and got a expensive computer part stolen from me...
Edit: im an absolute moron who accused people of something they didn't do. One of you guys told me to check the logs on your motherboard and after i did i realized there was never a i7 7700k on this motherboard, it's always been a i7 7700. Im just glad i didn't go to the shop andmade fool of myself there...
BrandGSX: Ask for your parts back. Worst that happens is you don't get them. After that contact the better business bureau or your local equivalent if things are not resolved to your satisfaction. If you purchased the part online you should be able to print a receipt.
While it sucks you need a new processor the up side is a 7700k is very cheap used. Though now would probably be a good time for an upgrade.
Bruh_lolo: I actually did upgrade to 11th gen becase of this incident.
Kevo05s: Oh no. Not 11th gen
Bruh_lolo: Why not?? Are they bad??
Kevo05s: There's nothing specifically wrong for 11th (other than the i9) but you seem to have kept an amazing tracking record of buying the "pointless" generation. Both the 7th Gen and 11th Gen were "pointless" as in they made little to no improvement. They were just slightly overclocked previous gen chips sold as "the next best thing".
The i9 exception was the fact that the 10th gen core i9 had 2 more core and 4 more thread than the 11th gen i9. The 11th gen core i9 is an overclocked 11th gen i7.
So the idea here was either save your money and go 10th gen or go to 12th gen
laffer1: 11900k is awesome but also not worth the msrp.
Kevo05s: 11900k is exactly the cpu I was talking about being a total ripoff...
laffer1: Yes I know. Was clarifying it is a good cpu and if you get one at a good discount it is worth buying. If you can get a newer chip obviously do that
| 9 | 213.222222 | |
1669137522 | 1669187510 | t3_z1z69d | t5_2to41 | 12 | Throwawaytinybabies: TIFU by asking what was in the case
Throwaway to protect my identity and my friends
Obligatory this happened yesterday not today
I (18m) went to a friends (16m) house for the first time yesterday (met in high school). He was showing me his room n all his cool stuff, I saw a small ish case next to his bed and asked what was in it.
It looked like it could have been something cool like a dagger or expensive jewelry or something. He asked me to guess and I tried to narrow it down (played 20 questions but gave up)
He opened the case to 300 TINY PLASTIC BABIES. Nothing, and I mean nothing, can prepare someone to see 300 tiny plastic babies in a case that’s next to someone’s bed. It fucking traumatized me
I know how it sounds, I’ll make him send me a picture so y’all don’t think I’m lying.
TLDR: Asked friend what was in the case next to his bed, found it to be 300 tiny plastic babies, am now traumatized
Aelinthali68: You are the snowflakiest of snowflakes if that traumatized you.
Throwawaytinybabies: Who can be prepared to be shown a case of 300 tiny plastic babies by their friend out of nowhere?
Aelinthali68: Surprised? Yes.
Shocked? Maybe.
Traumatized? C'mon.....
Throwawaytinybabies: Wasn’t literally traumatized
| 5 | 2.4 | |
1669141486 | 1669146284 | t3_z20ucz | t5_2to41 | 529 | [deleted]: TIFU by accidentally following my brother on my NSFW profile
[deleted]
LordTayto: And he knows this as your public profile..... Dots connect ya know 😂
dangerouskarmen: i don’t think he knows I even use Reddit, but god. I just want to die now.
LordTayto: And when are you gonna link us to the NSFW profile? 😂
dangerouskarmen: I have deleted it already. That was the first thing I did.
NLwino: So anyone man reading this, do you have:
* A sister
* Are from poland
* Got followed by a girl on reddit that was also from poland
* This girl followed you a few months ago
* Does that girl had NSFW pictures on her account
* Posted mostly on irlgirls
* That account was relatively active in the past but not so much now
* Contacted that girl and asked how she found you
* She no longer has that account, deleted shortly after you contacted her
* You have your personal name in your reddit, that your sister might recognize.
Your sister might be acting a bit strange around you lately.
PassiveAgressiveLamp: Oh fuck.
Cloudtreeforlife: Do you fall into every category here?
Is this you?
Are you brother?
JarlBallin420: 
| 9 | 58.777778 | |
1669144359 | 1669152536 | t3_z222rd | t5_2to41 | 208 | fortheloveoffanfics: TIFU by breaking up my almost 4 year relationship
This was not today, it was early this year.
He treated me kindly, I loved his family, we had so many inside jokes. I always felt loved. So many plans and memories that made life feel wonderful. He and I met in Highschool and people joked about how if we broke up they didn’t believe in love.
He did everything for me without complaint. He drove in from college to see me every weekend because I didn’t have a car. He paid for dates and presents. He was always mindful of my needs and wants. He was attentive and supported me through my depressive episodes and struggles. He was everything to me.
The last year, I felt like he was changing. He was growing distant and didn’t talk as much. When he did it was about his hobbies. I grew less attracted to him because we he kept going through the motions. There were other things too, but it all came to a head one night and I broke it off a week later.
I have regretted it every day since. I have never felt this depressed and it’s only getting worse. He said he never wanted to see me again or speak to me again. Looking back with more perspective, I wasn’t a good partner. I’d do so many things differently.
I have nightmares almost every night about how he looked when I broke us up. How his cries sounded. As time goes on, I barely remember how he looked when he smiled or how he sounded when he spoke softly to me. All I can think about is how I hurt him. It’s all I can think about whenever I’m not trying to distract myself. I can’t sleep without weeping.
I ruined my life and hurt a person who was always there for me. I’ll never see him again. The idea of that has started to make me feel suicidal, and I’ve started to consider it more and more every day. Life without him feels meaningless.
We had so many plans and dreams together. I hate myself for not appreciating what I had. I was selfish and ungrateful. I want him to be happy, and the only reason I haven’t already ended it, is because I don’t want to hurt my mom. Also, I’d never forgive myself if he blamed himself for it when he eventually found out.
I just needed to say this somewhere. That’s all.
TLDR: I ended my long term relationship and I have regretted it every day of my life since then. I have become suicidal.
Edit1: We had discussed the issues that ended up breaking us up before that week. I didn’t feel like he was trying as hard as I was, but I’m sure there were instances where he could have felt the same way towards me. Either way, he deserved more from me.
Otfd: Stay strong. You have two options.
If reaching out is possible (assuming he hasn't moved on) and you want to then do it.
Otherwise, you really should stop reminiscing about the past. We have all been there, and it's just not healthy. Take some time to focus on yourself, and when you open up to the idea of moving on then do it. I promise you will find what you had, and a good chance you will find even better. Don't forget to be realistic when considering the past, often we see it with rose colored glasses through the lens of nostalgia. I am sure it wasn't as great as you often recall or you both wouldn't have drifted away and ultimately broken up.
aaronbennay: This is terrible advice, OP. He said he didn’t want to see you again and he meant it. Don’t let the romantic notion of getting back together cause you to take an action that could hurt him even further. Reaching out at this point would be selfish.
Otfd: Not really. People say stuff when heated. For all you know OP explains how she messed up, regretted it and didn't realize how important he was to her and he realizes he expressed that out of anger.
I agree it's selfish, but what if it works out that way and they spend the rest of their lives happy?? Not to say it will, but it's possible.
I would add that I would say something like " I know you don't want to speak to me anymore, but I really regret my actions, and realize how much I need you, if you still desire to no longer speak. Just ignore this"
TheBarkingFish: "haha oops! Sorry, I actually DONT want to break up! I realize how much I NEED you."
| 5 | 41.6 | |
1669145846 | 1669148183 | t3_z22pvd | t5_2to41 | 343 | [deleted]: TIFU by asking out my crush
[deleted]
Parttime-Princess: 1. Ask her out IN PERSON. Waiting hours for a response messes with your nerves
2. Go all in. Don't backtrack, don't back down. Do it.
Beautifulblueocean: Ask her to hang out! Not be your girlfriend yet.
Parttime-Princess: YES also a good one. Hang out 1 on 1 first
ShenaniGunz_101: We hang out a lot already. We're basically best friends
Parttime-Princess: Then suggest a date. But again in person. Come with a plan.
| 6 | 57.166667 | |
1669148590 | 1669209322 | t3_z23wna | t5_2to41 | 426 | Keanu__Gaming__xD: TIFU by getting assigned a group project and getting sent memes
TLDR: Got partnered with an alt-righter, kept his meme open on my laptop, prof saw and wants to “meet”
What up bros, so basically I am in a business class and our midterm group project had RANDOMLY assigned groups. This is important context for this SHIT that happened to me.
So I was assigned this kid–let's call him James. I’ve never talked to James and basically knew nothing about this kid. Everything was going fine with our project, and he surprisingly is pretty good at getting shit done (better than me anyway).
But, basically, we met in the library after class to finish up our project last Tuesday. He started talking more about random shit that I frankly do not care about: politics, religion, NFL. One of these things was about how our professor was someone who “can’t be trusted.” I should’ve known some shit was up when [this was picture on group me ](https://imgur.com/Pxlc0wq)
I was so confused but basically, he went into this story about how our prof and this girl in the front row Abigail might be sleeping together or something. His reasoning was because she answers a lot of his questions in class, and “seems the type” (this shit was crazy and important for context). I think he’s kind of joking but I don’t think it's ok I was just listening so.
Anyways I brushed off this crazy dude's comments and just finished up my work. I go to our class on Thursday, and this kid keeps sending me memes all class. I had this fuckers group me DMs open on my laptop, and I’m 100 percent sure this professor saw one of the memes. Basically, my fuck up was having this BLASTED on my pc screen in class. Think I ruined my reputation but idek.
[Here is the meme for context](https://imgur.com/a/iICre0c) (nsfw?)
I say I’m sure because he sent me an email after class saying he wants to meet in his office to discuss some messages he saw on my laptop when he passed by me
Idek what I’m going to say to my prof. I’m also worried because this shit is worth 35% of our grade. Anyways yeah, this is how I fucked up, basically by existing and being a biz student with an edgy troll. Pretty sure I’m just going to rat this fucker out so hopefully I’m fine but this is why we should not have group projects tbh, and don't keep memes up on your PC
Edit 1. I’m just realizing and I guess I should’ve pointed out our prof is Jewish ig so now I understand the meme more holy shit
TheDaoOfCute: You didn't do anything wrong, in the slightest. Just explain yourself and show your professor the DMs.
Keanu__Gaming__xD: Bro but I was sending memes too so I’m kind of worried about getting flagged or something
TheDaoOfCute: ...were you *also* sending garbage-tier racist shit?
Keanu__Gaming__xD: Racist? What? No but I sent some memes like Reddit memes stuff not about our professor. Just confused as to what’s racist, if anything wouldn’t it be misandrist since it’s falling out prof a sex offender because he’s a man?
TheDaoOfCute: That "greedy jew" meme your groupmate sent to you is *not* cool in the slightest. It's racist/antisemetic and if you also sent him any memes on that level then you might be fucked.
With that said, if you were just casually sending funny shit then you have nothing to worry about. Again, just show the professor your DMs and as long as you weren't being a shitty human being you should be fine.
Keanu__Gaming__xD: Thanks for the write up dao. Tbh I didn’t realize that image had those meanings that’s fucking crazy no I’m not anti Jewish like Kanye or something I was just sending memes from Reddit like you said so hopefully I’m probably done but I’m worried about my group mate and his mental to think that shut is ok in 2022
TheDaoOfCute: Since I have your attention, could you answer my previous question about whether or not you're sending shit-tier racist memes? It's clear that the professor has a problem with what you had on your screen and you can easily clear your name by showing him that your groupmate sent it, but if you were also meme'ing similar shit then you might have dug your own grave.
Keanu__Gaming__xD: I’ve already said I don’t think I was but tbh I’m worried now because of the nazi table analogy
BlackDawn07: I'm not sure how anyone could be unable to distinguish between something racist and something that's not.
Did you send something that negatively disparages a race or group of people? Then it's racist.
dualsplit: I didn’t realize that the meme he shared that his partner sent him was antisemetic. So it is possible (though not likely) to be unaware.
Haircut117: How can you possibly be so oblivious as to not recognise such an obviously anti-Semitic image?
Seriously, have you been living your whole life under a fucking rock?
dualsplit: Maybe I have. Or maybe I just don’t associate with racists and their jokes?
| 13 | 32.769231 | |
1669151417 | 1669151880 | t3_z254st | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU by being Honest with my crush
[deleted]
Ok_City_7177: No FU here dude - you are being true to yourself and open, as is she.
Its the same crossroads you are at - accept and keep the friendship (and stop checking to see if her feelings have changed) or move on and go NC.
If talking to her does not stop you trying to build up something romantic with others it might be ok to keep it going - but if its keeping you stuck, its not good for you really ?
Druss369: Yep. This covers it nicely.
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1669151178 | 1669153897 | t3_z2511m | t5_2to41 | 24 | backgroundmusik: TIFU by not listening to the song my husband wrote for our autistic daughter.
My husband is a singer/songwriter. Well, technically he's disabled, but music is his thing. He's very talented, but bands mostly just don't work out. Anyway, we have a 5 year old daughter who is autistic and doesn't speak much, although she has words. She's basically a tiny tornado. She's broken 4 windows (only cut once, very small), the oven, the dishwasher, both by standing on the doors, and various other things. You literally can't go to the bathroom without coming back to a scene like that one meme with dude walking into the burning room with a pizza box. Well, my beautiful wonderful talented hubby wrote a song about it.
Don't get me wrong, I've heard it before. . . 3 different iterations, but I waited on listening to the final cut. The thing is, the last time I heard it I made a mistake thinking the first track he played me was the updated version. I told him how much better it was. It was the same track. The next track was the new one. I guess I just don't have a good ear.... And aside from saying "I love it" or something else that sounds like pandering I don't know what to say. It's good, but I can't say HOW. I let the anxiety over that get to me and put off listing to it. That was a few days ago... And I still didn't listen to it.
I hurt him by not listening fast enough and now he's sad and angry at me. He thinks it's because I don't care. I've listened to it since, but it's too late. I fucked it all up.
TL;DR: I didn't hear a sweet song fast enough and now I'm in trouble
Edit:. I've killed his confidence and everything I say and do just piss him off more. I hate me
Edit: https://youtu.be/hPt63gW3-Uo
Song link if you're interested.
nathanredacted: Maybe I missed something. What does him being disabled have to do with him being a singer/songwriter?
backgroundmusik: I was just trying to say he doesn't make a living off music.
nathanredacted: Ok, it comes across a bit weird.
| 4 | 6 | |
1669151568 | 1669154527 | t3_z25737 | t5_2to41 | 29 | Daxorn_97: TIFU by asking to be transferred
I asked to be transferred in a different department where i'm working, the choice and decision includes a change in career path, which is what i want, but since i'm a working student it means changing the investments in my training. All i asked is if it was possible, but the director responded that in case is not possible to transfer me we have to terminate the contract as it makes no sense to keep someone that does not feel in the right place. So yeah, i fucked up and i may lose my job cause i prpbably wanted more than what i should have asked. I of course will not regret the decision as it would make no sense to feel trapped and resentful, but still i'm kind of buffled as to why i should lose the oppurtinity just for a different interest.
I do not feel insecure about the future as i have job chances somewhere else too, just not in my field, but the offer i looked up to is just too good for a student and i felt i should ask. Guess i will know in few days if ifu or not.
UPDATE: the director of my department got in contact with the other department and got me an interview, saying that still he thinks will go well as they need more or less the same specification, in either case if is necessary 3-4 months to wait he will hold on my contract to help me get the position, if it goes not well he gives me 6 months to look around another job. It is true when they say "u only miss the shots u don't take"
TL;DR asked to be transferred and they promoting me to client
Miserable-Wedding-16: Congrats on promotion, wishing it works out for you..
and you seem confident enough for it to make it work so everything should be fine
Daxorn_97: I hope so because i still think is a good company.
Miserable-Wedding-16: If it was they should have allowed you to change your department if you've the skills and have spent enough time in the company..
if not.. you'll find better opportunities and companies
| 4 | 7.25 | |
1669152445 | 1669158403 | t3_z25l5t | t5_2to41 | 2 | _yeetbooii: TIFU by breaking a computer mouse in a business lesson in my school
TIFU, gonna be honest it wasnt really today but actually a couple days ago but it all links up until today. Also excuse my really bad storytelling, ive read many fuck ups but never made one so here i go ig. So basically on thursday 17 november i broke a mouse in my school. Now i honestly dont know what i was thinking when i did it but when i did i didnt think much of it. So fast foward around 40 mins after the lesson, the teacher comes over and checks out work and stuff and sees that there is a mouse broken. Initially, i was sat at the seat where i broke it but i moved (next to a friend bc boredom idk) so her first thought was to ask me. When she did so, i lied and said no i didnt (shouldnt have lied; i regret it ALOT). Now im usually not the type of guy to lie but if i think i can get away with it, i will do so (quite rare for me to get into those situations). After me lying about that, about another 10 mins of the lesson go by and we are almost ready to get out of the lesson. As she was dismissing all of us, she told me to stay back and wait because she want to talk to me about something (forgot to mention that there was a girl beside me before i moved seats so she also told her to stay back). She starts asking the girl if she broke the mouse. Now at this point, i am regretting lying about this so my initial thought is to just own up (i had no other choice as she would eventually find out ). She then got very angry and she gave me a detention afterschool on a friday for 30 mins (A FRIDAY IK!!!!). Now thats the end of that day and now we move onto today (tuesday 22 november). Today my mother said she had gotten a call from school saying that i have to bring in £10 for the mouse that i broke (thats fair) and a sincere apology letter to the original teacher that gave me the detention. I have to give my own £10, which my parents said (again that is only fair) and have to just see what happens tomorrow. i will update you all if something semi-interesting happens.
TL;DR Broke a mouse in a lesson in school, got a detention for it and now have to pay £10 for the mouse from my own money and write an apology letter to the teacher that gave me the detention.
AcrobaticSource3: How did you break it? I don’t understand that part
Abdlomax: Three pieces of thoughtless foolishness in a row. (1) beaks the mouse, apparently deliberately. (2) Doesn’t go to the teacher and tell her (3) lies when asked. Something is off here, and he hasn’t told us.
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1669156744 | 1669159700 | t3_z27hr5 | t5_2to41 | 24 | [deleted]: TIFU by buying my wife's best friend a pair of $250 designer high heels and week before my wife's birthday.
[deleted]
Ireallyamthisshallow: It's Amazon. You can 100% cancel it if it has not been delivered. You can chat to customer services if not. L can refuse the delivery. There's lots of options here.
The only odd thing here is telling L she can keep them instead of any inconvenience. Or that you'd keep it a secret. Both them things sound 100% dodgy and if your wife found out she'd surely assume the worst.
Firstdayonreddit123: I appreciate the comment and I will try customer service.
Me and my wife's friend both tried to cancel it via the app but it just comes up saying order already dispatched, need to contact merchant.
Ireallyamthisshallow: Amazon can definitely cancel that - especially if the merchant is not contactable. Though if you bought the item it would be you needing to contact them I would assume. But, as I say, L always has the option of refusing the delivery anyway.
Firstdayonreddit123: Thank you for informing me
| 5 | 4.8 | |
1669158257 | 1670723411 | t3_z285i6 | t5_2to41 | 44 | SimonsShit: TIFU by losing the ring i bought to propose to my GF
Actually happened Today, excuse my bad grammar please, english isnt my first language.
I went on a little vacation with a few friend for a week and brought a little more money with me because i wanted to buy some nice suits and an engagement ring to propose to my GF. So after 2 days of visiting a lot of jewelry stores i finally found a nice engagement ring which was affordable for the budget i had set for the ring. It wasnt really expensive per se but i was really proud that i had finally saved up enough go the next step. So after buying the ring we really wanted to go to a big mall in this City. The mall is over 50 km away from our hotel, thats why we didnt want to go back to drop off the ring and come back again. So we went to the mall and after some time i really had to visit the toilet where i went in one of the cabins and hung the little bag with the certificate and the ring on the little thing where you normally would hang your jackets on. After taking my shit i really dont know how but i just left... i left washed my hands and went looking for some more clothes. After 15-20min. I noticed the missing bag and had a literally a little flashback how i hung the bag in the cabin and sprinted like my life was on the line. And just as i thought, the bag wasnt there anymore. I went to the information pult and asked but no one dropped it of there too. So you could say a lucky soul out there won a diamond ring with the certificate to sell it because he took his shit in the right toilet and the right time and im writing this my first ever post on reddit just to let a little bit of my sadness out because i was too stupid to just care more about it.
TL/DR: lost the ring i planned to propose to my GF with, because i forgot it on a public toilet.
Mister_DumDum: Bro that sucks. Maybe you could try mall security? The cameras could see who’s going in and out of the washrooms. They could see you going in with the bag and keep watching the recording until they see who comes out with it?
SimonsShit: That could be worth a try, thank you very mich👍🏻
Mister_DumDum: Any luck?
SimonsShit: Sadly not😅 at this point i accepted it and i am moving forward. Nothing else to do
| 5 | 8.8 | |
1669165241 | 1669230487 | t3_z2aw7n | t5_2to41 | -16 | yoganurse21: TIFU by using my bf’s credit card without asking
[removed]
Fun-Pea-880: Do your boyfriend a favor and dump him so he can find a woman who won't care if he has an average dick and will be more than happy with him.
yoganurse21: You say that as most woman prefer guys with 6”. Don’t get me wrong it’s not small, but don’t try to shame for preferring my men to be bigger when most other women would
waterbottleidiot: you’re the reason guys care about this shit. Idgaf if my bf is huge or not. I actually could not care less about the size of a dudes dick. Your bf seems like a great dude, and you’re just playing games cause you’re not sexually satisfied, and that’s just sad. He deserves better
yoganurse21: If your happy with a smaller dick good for you, but chances are you haven’t 7” inside you. If you did guaranteed you’d never go back
waterbottleidiot: lmao I certainly have had bigger than 7, but if you’re just in it for the sex, or that’s what you’re focused on, you’re not ready to be in a relationship with this dude
yoganurse21: Maybe we’re just built differently. I thoroughly enjoy 7”+ cocks because I actually can orgasm from deep penetration. If you can’t cum from penetration then it’s a different story
waterbottleidiot: then breakup with your boyfriend. Stop playing games, it’s trashy
| 8 | -2 | |
1669166376 | 1669169641 | t3_z2bb79 | t5_2to41 | 8 | dmomo: TIFU by accidentally insulting an overweight friend
This afternoon, my sister (let's call her Gabby) posted a meme on facebook. It was a spoof screenshot of a mobile message from Santa Claus. It read something along the lines of:
​
>**Santa Clause**
>
>Gabby,
>
>You are on my naughty list for eating too much food.
>
>*"Click here to see why you are on the naughty list!"*
​
Typically, I don't respond to these sort of click-bait posts, but I couldn't resist making the comment:
>"If there's one person who shouldn't be fat shaming, it's Santa."
​
As I was typing the word "Santa", auto-complete kicked in, and it showed a name from my friend list. Let's call her Jane Santarini. Unfortunately, Jane happens to be quite overweight. Before the name overlay registered, muscle memory caused me to hit "Enter". So there it was. The first comment on Gabby's post:
>***DMomo:***
>
>*If there's one person who shouldn't be fat shaming, it's (@)* Jane *Santarini."*
​
After a few seconds, I realized what I had just done. But not before a 😮 reaction appeared beneath my comment. I cringed as I hovered over emoji. Thankfully it was just from my sister, and not Jane or any of her direct friends. I immediately deleted and reposted with the correct text.
I think there's only a very slim chance that Jane could have seen it, because it was deleted so quickly. But I do worry that she got a notification, and in the worst case that the text appears. It was an honest mistake, but I would feel terrible to put her through this. I stand ready with an apology. She would probably laugh, but I wish this (relatively minor) fuck up didn't happen. I'm sure she has enough uncomfortable thoughts and interactions about her weight.
​
TL;DR I accidentally let Facebook insert an @ tag for an overweight friend while making a comment about fat shaming.
Songbringer90: How about just going to her and being upfront. Call her or go see her and say hey this happened, explain it and say you would never do it on purpose. If she saw it, hopefully she will respect you apologized and were upfront without having to be confronted. Waiting will make it look less sincere. If she didn't see it, I would believe she will appreciate that you care enough to address it vs letting her hear 2nd hand and again because you are going in upfront she will again see it as sincere and I suspect appreciate that it was a mistake and be okay with it.
dmomo: You are right. That sort of makes sense, but maybe I don't have to highlight her overweightness. It could be hurtful to bring it up if she didn't see the comment in the first place. So I think I will send her this message:
"If you are confused because you got a notification pointing to a deleted comment, it is because Facebook tagged you when I was typing Santa Claus in a comment on one of Gabby's posts"
Songbringer90: Yep, works perfect.
| 4 | 2 | |
1669166874 | 1669177081 | t3_z2bheo | t5_2to41 | 46 | Goddamitnoleg: TIFU by accidentally making fun of a guy missing a leg while delivering pizzas
So this actually happened like a week ago, but whatever. I work as pizza delivery guy and last week I was delivering pizzas. I pull up to this house and ring the doorbell, when I do this man comes hoping towards the door. Without looking down I say, “stub your toe, that’s never fun”. He just stops and stairs at me and I look down. The dude had no leg. He did not say anything as I handed him his pizza, I apologized and told him I truly did not notice. I got lucky as he did not complain to the store I work at but I still feel like a complete asshole for it. I mean seriously I said that to a guy who pry got blown up overseas or injured at work. I just hope I never have to deliver there again.
TL;DR: I accidentally said a insensitive comment to a guy with no leg thinking that he had just stubbed his toe
OkVolume1: You really stepped in it, huh.
raelik777: Yeah, he definitely put his foot in his mouth with that one.
| 3 | 15.333333 | |
1669169516 | 1669238354 | t3_z2cfez | t5_2to41 | 2 | [deleted]: TIFU by forgetting to return a $300 item before the 30 day return window
[deleted]
NerdHerder77: I'm sure if you're not an asshole about it, most cashiers won't care. Try not to press your luck tho and just take the L if it doesn't work. Other than that, fuck multi-million dollar corpos.
ChampagneAbuelo: They let me return it no questions asked :)
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1669168972 | 1669180667 | t3_z2c8b2 | t5_2to41 | 133 | groundhoggrey: TIFU by asking my momma if I could eat candy
NSFW for mention of marijuana use, just to be careful
So I'm 26M, and I'm staying with my parents. Happy Thanksgiving everyone who doesn't celebrate but likes taking time off to hang out with their family and stuff.
Anyway I get some pretzels from a vending machine this afternoon and when they fell out they knocked out some peanut m & ms too. Which is great because I wasn't expecting to have them but I freaking love peanut m & ms.
Anyway then it's tonight and I'm high and I want some peanut m & m s. So I get some from my bag. Then I decide this would go great with some club soda so I walk to the kitchen with the m & ms in one hand to get a can because my dad doesn't mind sharing.
I run into my mom in the kitchen. "I'm going to eat some peanut m & ms," I tell her.
She's says, "no."
I'm confused.
"Not right now," she says.
So I sit down at the table and she leaves the room. And I'm sitting there with my peanut m & ms and I'm so confused. So eventually I go to her in the living room and say.
"Why not?"
She says, "why what?"
I say, "why can't I eat my m & ms right now, Mom?"
And she says, "huh?"
Anyway, after much confusion it turned out that I thought she thought I had asked her if she wanted to eat m & ms. Now it's like an hour later and she knows I was high and that I asked her permission to have candy and she thinks its hilarious.
Tl;dr: Got high and misunderstood a conversation, much to my mom's amusement.
grasslife: Sounds like a typical high situation.
But the real question is, how else does one celebrate Thanksgiving other than taking time off work and hanging with family?
Ialnyien: You ever seen those Black Friday lines that start at noon on Thanksgiving? That’s how those people celebrate.
| 3 | 44.333333 | |
1669179458 | 1669183655 | t3_z2ftze | t5_2to41 | 74 | splithoofiewoofies: TIFU by giving the wrong spoilers on L-Word Season 3 to my partner
If you know Season 3 of the L word you know what spoiler I am talking about.
\---Spoiler below---
I saw L-Word over a decade ago and my partner had not seen it.
In season 3, my partner asks me, "Does Dana die? Please tell me Dana doesn't die!" I said very seriously, "Do you want me to tell you or do you want to watch?" My partner said, "If she lives, please let me know, because I hate this. I'd rather know now."
Well, I didn't remember her dying. For some reason I thought she lived. So I told my partner
"No it's okay, Dana lives."
My partner was so relieved. For two episodes. As you know, the Dana Dies episode is HEART WRENCHING. The clock slowly ticks down, the fucking singing flower - all of it - it's absolutely fill-your-eyes-with-tears snot-running-down-nose heart wrenching.
When Dana died my partner screamed and then just glared at me....for three straight days. Every few minutes to an hour I would hear "NO ITS OKAY DANA LIVES!" shouted at me from across the house. Visiting friends, "This asshole told me Dana lives in season 3" to others who had seen it. All my friends (of which 99% are lesbians) were horrified I would do such a vile thing. What I had done actually spread through my group of friends. Now they too will say, "Hey, so, does Dana live?" when I see them.
It's been a few months now but if I say anything about a show at all, to this day they glare at me and snipe, "Yeah but does Dana live?"
​
tldr; forgot Dana dies, reassured my partner Dana lives; Dana died and now my partner is pissed.
doctorpotterwho: A few months? What the fuck! TV addiction is real.
splithoofiewoofies: We dont watch tv alla time 😂 but it is just a jab at me, all in good fun, but they are laugh-MAD about it for sure.
But yeah sometimes I am like COME ON IT WAS A MISTAKE
doctorpotterwho: Yeah def time to move on now. Bigger things in life to be upset at than a bloody TV show.
| 4 | 18.5 | |
1669183999 | 1669195236 | t3_z2haoe | t5_2to41 | 100 | [deleted]: TIFU by pinning my crush on Zoom when I was the host
[deleted]
Loud_Wallaby737: IF YOU ARE FEMALE:
I'm sure there won't be consequences.
Some people may now know you have a crush on said colleague but that's it I imagine. We can't help who we have a crush on.
IF YOU ARE MALE
I dunno dude, just hope it goes away I guess. I imagine the worst thing that could happen is your boss or HR has a quiet word and tells you to stop doing it.
recoil101: It's so messed up how that works. A friend of mine was sexually harassed multiple times from the same person at his work and his HR manager told him that she doesn't investigate female on male harassment.
NameUnbroken: That's discrimination, and that person should be terminated for it. Your friend should go to that HR person's higher up and report it.
recoil101: He did and he got a decent settlement out of it for discrimination and for the sexual harassment as she was his supervisor.
NameUnbroken: Nice!
| 6 | 16.666667 | |
1669184845 | 1669234671 | t3_z2hk6d | t5_2to41 | 170 | [deleted]: TIFU By watching p0rn with bluetooth earbuds
[deleted]
BossKrisz: >I'm not allowed to stay up past 1am
I don't think it's normal for your parents to say when to go to sleep at the age of 18. At this point that's none of her business. If you don't keeping others awake or bothering them, then you should be able to stay up as long as you want. Your not 10 anymore, you're an adult who's able to make decisions.
Silver_Cat_7977: Their house their rules
HotAndSexyZebra: Idk why some people act like letting the children you chose to have live in your house makes you some sort of saint.
It’s not like op is 30, he’s 18. Allowing your own kid to live in your house doesn’t make you a saint, it makes you the bare minimum of a parent.
Silver_Cat_7977: Did someone else mention anything saintly? Are you replying to me?
HotAndSexyZebra: Yes. “Their house their rules” is stupid when they decided to have kids, they aren’t saints who are giving him the honour of using their home lmao.
Silver_Cat_7977: It's far more basic than that. If I decide to own a home and take all of the expenses and responsibilities that come with it, I also make the rules including when lights out is.
Kids fall under that rule. They are free to complain about it all they want and call it stupid. Those are still the rules tho. At a certain point they are free to move out. If they stay home, they still have to follow the rules.
HotAndSexyZebra: You’re acting like your doing those kids a favour. You aren’t, you are doing exactly what you signed up for when you chose to have kids.
And it isn’t about when the lights go out, it’s about when he goes to sleep. You can stay awake with the lights off
Silver_Cat_7977: I think rules are ridiculous as well, but it's not my house and I wouldn't choose to live there. I do feel bad for OP.
And to repeat, your house your rules. Children are not partners with their parents. They are raised by them and that includes following their rules.
HotAndSexyZebra: Once again, stop acting like parents are doing kids a favour by letting them live in their house
Silver_Cat_7977: Can you explain why you think I'm framing this arrangement as a favor? Perhaps there's a misunderstanding?
HotAndSexyZebra: Because of the whole “their house their rules”, they don’t get to inforce stupid rules on adults or basically adults purely because they live in the same house. It’s not like the kids get a choice on where they live.
I’d understand if it was because of energy usage or smthing but simple banning an 18 year old from being awake past a certain time is stupid, he isn’t a toddler.
| 12 | 14.166667 | |
1669192241 | 1669221166 | t3_z2jq5b | t5_2to41 | 46 | ThatWeirdAussie: TIFU by trying to throw chestnuts at a corpse
So this actually happened around September 2018 and I was about 15 at the time, but this morning my mind decided to wake up with this memory and I just want to share it because it shows why you shouldn’t take me anywhere and I’ve had to explain to half of the people I’ve seen today why I can’t stop laughing at my dumbass so only makes sense to let the internet in on it
So my grandfather died in 2018 and his funeral was a small gathering at a small funeral place, the room where his coffin was laying was also small probably 10-15 metres by 7-10 metres as the smallest estimate.
My family decided to put his favourite food in his coffin and have him cremated with it, if you were to go off the title and assume chestnuts were his favourite food you would be correct, and they brought a lot like at least 3kg of chestnuts and they said to me 3 days in advance that they would be putting the nuts in there during the open casket
Now I don’t like the idea of looking at dead people it gives me the heebie jeebies so for these 3 days and my mind and I thought “oh so we’re just gonna throw them in” as if it was a normal tradition so I wasn’t bothered plus mum was always complaining I don’t do much with her side of the family. When it came time mum handed me a bag of chestnuts and I got up and my dad quickly grabbed me and said “I thought you didn’t like looking at corpses” and my dumbass said to him in a casual serious tone said “we’re just throwing them in right” he then looks at me and says “for the love of god not today” and I see my family waiting at the door and I say to dad “but why would everyone be waiting at the door if they were gonna place them in they would go in right” and dad then realised that I didn’t mean any harm and grabbed the bag of nuts gave them back to my mother pulled me aside and said “the door isn’t open yet, this isn’t a game your not gonna get ten points for doing a half court shot or anything”
It was at this moment it finally hit me and I tried so had not to laugh and within holding it I started crying in laughter dad then saw that the open coffin had ended and we were being called in, we then sat up the back away from everyone and I tried to not laugh so hard I had to convert it into light coughing and nose blowing to hide it then as the funeral ended dad then took me outside and we both laughed at the situation and no one on my mums side found out.
TL/DR: I didn’t understand what my family meant by putting chestnuts in my granddads coffin and almost got up to yeet them into his coffin from about 10metres away
AlgaeRhythmic: When I was 3 I prematurely pressed the button to lower the casket into the ground during my grandma's final rites. I bet my parents weren't too thrilled at the time, but we laugh about it now.
Funerals are weird departures from normal life. It's good to embrace the full awkwardness of it all and be flexible with each other.
SFXBTPD: They didnt put the JR on my grandpas gravestone so my aunt sharpied it on...
| 3 | 15.333333 | |
1669211204 | 1669216843 | t3_z2pjpt | t5_2to41 | 12 | Ok-Course3540: TIFU because I got sick in the bathroom
So first off this is my very first Reddit post so sorry for any weirdness as idk if I’m posting this right but onto the story. I usually partake in a extra circular activity that involves inhaling on a green plant. Sometimes I go a little too hardcore on the munchies and I “gorge” myself in food. Well it’s about thanksgiving and i thought in my impaired state that I should eat up some of the food in my room (live in a dorm) because I’ll be gone pretty much until Sunday (today Wednesday). So I eat a lot and finally go to sleep around 4am (I had laundry and other stuff to do that kept me up late). Well at 8:30am I bolt out of bed like usual because I have IBS so the mornings are my time to shine. Let me say that my next actions are caused entirely by my hand and I have really no excuse. So I’m in the (public) bathroom on my floors dorm going through with a solid #2 and then bam. I’m spewing multiple times all over the tile floor. I haven’t gotten sick in years so to find last nights food on the floor, the spatter on the walls, my foot, and the front of my sleep pants are the main targets. An absolute s**t show. What makes it worse is that I have no physical way of cleaning it up (bathroom doesn’t have paper towels and I don’t have any either), so now I just have to wait and hope that housekeeping doesn’t report it and they try coming to my room to see if I’m okay. Cuz when they figure out I’m okay they’re gonna think bad stuff about me but I’m leaving later today so let’s find out. Will keep updated if I figure out how. Thanks for listening to something super long.
TLDR: I got h**h, gorged on food, got sick in a stall (dorm), now I’ve tucked myself in my room and am afraid to use the bathroom in case I face repercussions because I don’t want them to know I was doing bad stuff so they could kick me out.
UPDATE: It was cleaned and nothing happened although I still see some 👀 but I’m not gonna say anything for obvious reasons ty to everyone who provided comment.
RudeSprinkles1240: Pretty sure you mean "curricular," not "circular."
Ok-Course3540: Yeah kinda of post puke post and I only have had 4 and a half hours of sleep or so
| 3 | 4 | |
1669218194 | 1669218702 | t3_z2sdq5 | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU by not deleting my nudes for research purpose
[removed]
barrycarter: Exactly what type of "research" are you doing?
Dattebayo6969420: just curious about my body
barrycarter: Oh, my mistake, sorry. I thought you were referring to online porn.
| 4 | 1.25 | |
1669223861 | 1669224613 | t3_z2usc7 | t5_2to41 | 54 | [deleted]: TIFU by trying to correct my speech
So a bit of background: I’ve recently overcome an alcohol addiction (yay) that was pretty severe and lasted a few years. One of the things I, and others around me, have noticed is that I mix up my words a lot or find myself tongue tied more frequently than before the addiction. Now fast forward to this morning…
Thanksgiving is here and with the offices closing soon we were trying to get ahead on work for when we come back. One of the smaller projects is our Christmas party (I work with kids) and we wanted to nail down final details. Me and my younger team member were talking and she asked if we needed to buy any more hot chocolate. To which I replied “No we have plenty of hot cock here”… what happened is I had caught myself saying the word wrong and instead of finishing the word as doc-late I stopped and said cock. I immediately apologized and explained myself, she was very understanding and after a bit of loud laughter I made her swear a blood path that she wouldn’t tell a soul. So here I am telling the internet in hopes it brightens your day!
TLDR: I messed up the word ‘chocolate’ and stopped to correct myself in the worst possible way.
monstblitz: Congratulations on overcoming your addiction! Hilarious slip-ups like this sound like more of a fringe benefit!
Its_Ok_Words_R_Hard: Thank you! Most the time they’re little slip up’s, not today.
| 3 | 18 | |
1669227858 | 1669233861 | t3_z2whyz | t5_2to41 | 35 | throwaway1703738: TIFU by realizing I am no different from an incel
[removed]
peithecelt: You never asked her out, you never actually did anything but chat with her, so you were not rejected.
In fact, if you stop being so wrapped up in your sexist complaining about how annoying women are to you, you might see that you COULD have made a friend, actually two of them.
MonstahButtonz: You've never been a young man trying to interact with a woman. It's way more difficult to navigate than you think. He's not putting all the blame on women. He's just saying it is annoying, and honestly, ANY gender courting ANY gender is difficult and annoying. Insulting him will not bring progress.
Put yourself in his shoes and open your mind before your mouth.
Do you not remember how hopeless life felt back in highschool? Or early 20s?
peithecelt: here's the thing, I DO remember being in HS and early 20s.. and yeah, dating sucks. But I NEVER EVER EVER got angry (and this reads as a very angry form of despondency) because someone I shared a conversation with turned out to have a partner.. I might be bummed, or sad.. but I recognized that hey, I made a friend, friends are cool.
BUT - far more relevant to my reply is this line:
>I've started to hate interacting with the opposite gender,they feel so annoying to me and at the same time I'm trying to accept that I'll die alone no matter what I do.
A solid 50% of the population is officially annoying because we are not sleeping with him. because we are not jumping on his dick after he shares one or two conversations with us, with no interest in being our friends.
He needs to understand that as frustrating as dating is, this approach he's starting to roll around in is toxic and ends up being a self-perpetuating cycle of anger and women sensing sexism that makes a man deeply unattractive to our own self-respect.
MonstahButtonz: >But I NEVER EVER EVER got angry
You also never ever ever had raging amount of testosterone running through your teenage body. It's not an excuse, but it's also not as simple as "just don't feel frustrated by life while your testosterone is in overdrive".
You also haven't dealt with the societital pressures of what it means to "be a man" and having all your peers judge you for having not slept with 5 million girls like every other guy aims they did.
>A solid 50% of the population is officially annoying because we are not sleeping with him.
He isn't trying to sleep with 50% of the population. She's going for girls his age that are likely just as confused about what the hell life is all about as he is. That's probably more like 5%.
Again, you're not exactly wrong here, but not helping is just that. Not helping.
>He needs to understand that as frustrating as dating is, this approach he's starting to roll around in is toxic and ends up being a self-perpetuating cycle of anger and women sensing sexism that makes a man deeply unattractive to our own self-respect.
You're absolutely right. So that's why people (all ages, male and female) need to guide young kids toward the more appropriate ways of thinking and social interactions.
If we were more supportive and understanding while guiding people in this age group, we'd have way less incels and other issues out there.
I was this kid 100% when I was his age, and I had an adult come up to me one day and tell me how life really works and got me away from the poor me's and really opened up my mind to how I was at fault for most of my complaints in life.
I owe a ton to the people who helped me not grow up to be a male pig, and I owe nothjng to those who judges me and punched down on me every step of the way.
peithecelt: so calling out saying that everyone in the opposite gender (his words, not just interacting with women his age, all of us) is annoying as sexist is punch \*down\*?
Really?
MonstahButtonz: Do you *really* think he meant that 50 year old women are annoying?
Or do you think he meant that his interactions he's had thus far in his short life with the few girls he's tried to interact with romantically has been frustrating thus far?
This isn't rocket science.
peithecelt: He's the one saying he's basically an incel, so I'm going to take what he says at face value, and call him out on it.
Do I think he was thinking of me (okay so I'm 44, not 50, but close enough), no.
But do I think that his thinking is incredibly sexist, and that he needs to think about that in pretty straight up terms? Yes.
MonstahButtonz: It's easy to have a compliant. It's a whole different thing to have a solution.
Stop and think about the fact you're a 44 year old woman who's telling a teenager he's going to die alone because he hasn't learned how to speak to and respect females yet.
You're the adult. Be one. Help the kid. Don't insult him and agree with him just because he said it. What if you had a son who felt and acted the way he feels? Would you just tell him he's an incel and his way of thinking is disgusting, and then walk away?
I don't envy your husband or children if that's the way you "help" others who make mistakes.
| 9 | 3.888889 | |
1669229357 | 1669243674 | t3_z2x4vi | t5_2to41 | 671 | fuck-alia-iacta-est: TIFU: Paying $267 flight change fee on our second date so she'd stop screaming at United customer service instead of not seeing her again. Not today, three years ago—I just moved out.
disclaimer in response to comments: I fully agree with those who mention this is a rambling nonsensical mess and understand doubts that I'm a native speaker of English. I believe any reasonable person who reads through this will have the same response u/jasonchicago did,
>”**Jesus Christ. Reading this took 10 minutes of my life that I'll never get back.“**
>
>I hope you don't take this negatively but the reality is I didn't write this for u/jasonchicago or for you. I wrote this for me. For about two years 90% of my contact was with her and her parents who are, in my opinion, bullies. I've never been held hostage but I think I understand how Stockholm Syndrome / groupthink works now. This Jew has a new level of sympathy and understanding for Germans who went along with the Nazis; when the people who you have the most contact with and who you presume to be good people sprinkle positive reinforcement in with bullying and slowly try to isolate you from your family it can be surprisingly effective and subtle in the moment.
>
>This post and all of the posts that I appended were stream of consciousness attempts to just collect my thoughts and recognize how fucked up the situation became over time. I find it absolutely confounding that it appears a biglaw litigator with multiple ivy league degrees and cell phone numbers for federal judges was texting me a few hours ago [pretending to be her brother](https://i.redd.it/8n9rj635mr1a1.png) from her own cell phone, lied to me about problems with building management, and then got mad at me for "causing problems for her" by way of calling the management office in an attempt to resolve the problems that she alleged existed. I've also heard her and her father discussing whether they should lie to a newly minted federal judge about her plans for her clerkship though so while it remains confounding, I can't be too surprised.
>
>There was no copyediting, no ghostwriting, and I haven't gone back to revise them beyond glaring spelling mistakes highlighted by my **browswer** as I type. Yes, I'm leaving that one there because I think it's funny in context. At some point maybe I'll come back and make this coherent, it's probably more likely I'll just keep being happy and never think about the situation again outside of therapy.
\-----
**tl;dr It was a mistake to** [**give a girl I'd seen once before cash**](https://imgur.com/kqfDNLZ) **to get her to stop abusing United Airlines customer service reps who couldn't just waive her flight change fee. Just moved out and** [**rebuilding**](https://imgur.com/eXNR3hf) **my life.**
Our first date was in NY late Dec, we had matched on Hinge and she said she was always back in New York and would be moving back in Feb; both of these turned out to be a lie.
Our second date was her friend's wedding in Philly, I was in my last semester of business school and took the train down, she flew from Oklahoma. We overslept on the day of departure and she missed her flight.
She called United to get on a later flight and when the rep told her that she would have to pay a fee (COVID policies weren't a thing yet) she started screaming. At 30 years old she was terrified her dad would see the charge and that wasn't something she could deal with. She mentioned how often she took the airline, she'd never had a problem like this, in hindsight it was textbook bullshit. He's an abusive helicopter parent whose daughter (now) in biglaw feels powerless to stop from taking >$100k out of her bank account without her permission.
I had to catch my train back to NY and liked her, it didn't feel right to leave her screaming so I gave her the money. Fucking idiot I am didn't even realize that meant her dad would see the charge anyway.
**Copying and pasting from** [a post on another subreddit where I discussed this ](https://www.reveddit.com/v/relationship_advice/comments/yuyf4i/moving_from_the_apt_i_share_with_my_33m_abusive/iweq0bz/)for context. **I asked the moderators to remove it because it blew up on that subreddit and I didn't want to risk her seeing it blow up.**
>**Moving from the apt I share with my \[33m\] abusive ex \[31f\] tomorrow. Seeking advice on what to say to highlight how to escape her parents' abuse/be happy. What can I tell her on my way out?**
>
>**edit3**:
>
>Thank you all for the great feedback, I truly appreciate it. Got the feedback I was hoping for so asking mods to remove this post.
>
>**edit2:** People seem to think talking to her is a bad move. How about writing her a letter and leaving it with her? Is that still a terrible idea?
>
>**edit 1:** Because everyone who has replied so far has said to just stonewall her: She's verbally and physically abused me, I took that and that's on me. Right now I'm trying to move forward with my life with the knowledge that I didn't let her being terrible to me make me be terrible to her. I don't want to become mean/uncaring like she has been and her parents are. I appreciate the feedback and it's making me rethink this but the idea of leaving with "goodbye, wish you the best," feels wrong.
>
>I'm going no contact from the point I'm out the door but am going to have to live with the knowledge of how/whether I let her and her parents affect me and how I treat people. I'm trying not to let myself down. I care about people, that's part of who I am and I don't want to start the rest of my life not doing that.
>
>\---
>
>This is fucking terrible. The worst part might be that the past few days she's been so sweet, I know it won't last but I can't help being hopeful it would if I wasn't about to leave. I posted originally on another account, I've been advised that, like staying in this apartment as long as I have, doing that reflected poor judgement and so I'm posting on a throwaway. In that vein, I've adjusted inconsequential details.
>
>**tl;dr**
>
>We have been together in some form for 3 years, broken up since April 2022
>
>I don't want to rehash things she's done to me or put her on the defensive, I want to highlight past events to the extent they are illustrative but I really just want her to recognize what she is doing wrong/how she can be better and be the wonderful person she is when not having an episode.
>
>High level:
>
>She jumps from happy and silly to verbally and physically abusive at the drop of a hat
>
>Relationship ending because she wouldn't spend time with our families so I wouldn't propose. We live within blocks of my brothers and an hour of both of our families.
>
>Her parents are somewhere between burying their head in their sand to the point of gross negligence and abusive
>
>She gets mad at me for defending her to her parents; like she yells and screams at me whenever I bring up that her parents shouldn't be nasty to her
>
>Things I want to communicate to her:
>
>Be the partner you want
>
>Let your partner talk to you, don't sit there screaming "I can't breathe" when you hear something you don't like to shut the conversation down
>
>You can't live your life as a COVID hermit
>
>When your parents are nasty to you, you shouldn't accept it and you deserve better
>
>You need to acknowledge when you do things wrong
>
>You can't nickel and dime someone and expect them to feel good about continuing to spend money on you without thinking about it
>
>You can't hurt people
>
>Ways to "win" a fight don't include: 1) biting yourself, 2) screaming, 3) calling your parents to bully your partner, 4) lying on your bed screaming "HELP CALL THE COPS STOP HURTING ME" to try and get the neighbors to notice
>
>There are no winners in fights
>
>Previous things I wrote on another account for context:
>
>**I feel like my ex's mother is gaslighting me**
>
>**Context**
>
>We started dating in Dec 2019, Moved in together Nov 2021, and kept breaking up/making up until April 2022 when she started threatening my family's dogs. Since last November she has slept in the master and I have been sleeping on a pull out couch in the second bedroom. Somehow she's become most aggravated when I've stayed away from the apartment which I've tried to make a habit of, especially over the summer at my parents' house, at the beach, etc... Our lease is up this month so very soon there won't be a reason for her mother to contact me at all.
>
>**I'm an idiot**
>
>At a number of points since April we've discussed continuing to live together which makes me feel like an idiot given that the breakup was preceded by, let's just say really bad behavior. I think she has a good heart and when she's nice she's one of the sweetest people I've ever met, unfortunately her dad doesn't like not getting his way and becomes abusive/withholding when she doesn't toe the line. His actions cause her to have episodes and she takes it out on me. This is how I've come to understand and describe the situation through conversations with an amazing friend who is a Social Worker and told me I need to see a therapist specializing in PTSD-C and MDD. I don't have a fucking clue precisely what that means but I know what PTSD is and I can't say my impression of what she said feels wrong.
>
>**She yells and has episodes**
>
>My response to constant— we're talking daily to the point where I am afraid to come out of my bedroom and put up multiple security cameras in here because she's \*less\* violent in front of them — verbal abuse/violence has never been to do anything other than to try and calm her down. The yelling is terrible, like it hurts to hear. The doormen of our building came up to our unit at one point in response to neighbors' complaints about her screaming for help. I answered the door, they probably had expected I was beating her and seemed surprised that while I stood with them the screaming was continuing. I motioned for them to come in and look because, frankly, I wanted there to be witnesses that I wasn't hurting her. She was sitting at her desk screaming into her cell phone with her parents at the other end because of something they had said or did, I don't remember what it was in that instance.
>
>**Her dad is mean to the point that I just feel bad for him**
>
>I realized her dad might be a bad person/had been abusing me in an attempt to break me down to get me to propose to her when I went to Tiffany's on Wall Street (my first time going to look at a ring in any relationship), came back with brochures in English and Chinese excited to talk about it, and was told "if you were serious you would have come back with a ring."
>
>**He thinks I should have proposed to her a while ago despite her refusing to spend time with family; she has never met my youngest brother who lives five blocks away from where I am right now and hid in the bathroom the one time she allowed him to come over.**
>
>At that point we had known one another for about 2.25 years, been living in New York within an hours drive of both of our families, and had spent no more than 30-45 minutes with any members of our family present. Since COVID hit she has refused to go outside and to the best of my knowledge she hasn't had a meal with anyone in her family in over three years or left the apartment building I'm sitting more than three dozen times in the past two years; I do not remember the last time she left the floor our apartment is on but I would be surprised if it hasn't been months. I wanted to make things work with her but she'd skipped my brother's wedding saying she had COVID and believe she faked a positive COVID test in an attempt to get me not to go spend his birthday with my family. I have a great deal of love for her but it felt wrong to keep moving forward with someone who refused to spend time with our families.
>
>**Seriously though, her dad has episodes of his own and he motivates her to behave badly as well.**
>
>I realized her dad was definitely a bad person when she texted my mother at midnight saying she was going to abandon my family's dogs in the hallway because I wasn't in the apartment with her. My mother drove into Manhattan in a panic and arrived at the building as I was arriving home. She had not yet followed through and claimed at the time her dad had told her to do it, he's denied it but he's lied about a number of things that could make him look opportunistic and/or like a sociopath.
>
>I'm fortunate to have had parents I never saw fight, raise a hand to me, or be nasty to me so I might have a skewed perspective but the things he has said to her are the WORST. I've heard him tell her that he would disown her if she didn't listen to him, he never wanted to speak to her again, he has cursed at her endlessly, and frequently after she hangs up on him while he is being nasty, he calls back to get one last gratuitously mean jab in before hanging up again after hearing her start to cry. It. Is. Fucking. Heartbreaking. I'm not angry at the man and I don't hate him, I just hope he can find it in himself to be kind to his daughter whose only offenses against him are acting towards him the way he acts towards other people; she clearly inherited his issues. Sidenote: he's an MD and if he treated other patients the way he treats her (there are a number of prescriptions he wrote for her around the apartment) I fully believe he would be stripped of his medical license in the fallout.
>
>I didn't expect to write that much, I really haven't written any of this out before.
>
>**Anyway, this is what happened today and precipitated the attached texts**
>
>Ex is sitting in her bedroom talking to her father. I'd been sitting with her earlier in the day and it had just been nice/she was being kind so when I had a minute I came back to sit with her, I heard him say "this is why I don't want to talk to you" and he hung up. She seemed upset so I mentioned it wasn't okay for her to be treated like that, she shouldn't let it upset her because her dad is always being abusive.
>
>**She. Flipped. The. Fuck. Out.**
>
>She started screaming and crying that I was saying nasty things and for the first time I heard her say that she defends her family. It's relevant to note that my first encounter with her parents was to mediate a fight between them, they have had a hairtrigger love-hate relationship the entire time I have known them and two days ago she was crying because she was afraid of her father taking her money out of her bank account if she didn't do what he said.
>
>Anyway, she calls her mother screaming that I'm saying "terrible nasty things about her father" and the two of them shit talk my family and I for about 20 minutes while I stand there silently wanting to correct her misrepresentations to her mother but not wanting to goad them. I learned a long time ago there is no point in arguing with them because they are incapable of being wrong and challenging that assumption led to the first (of what would be many instances) where I heard someone say without a trace of irony, "Do you know who I am? How dare you talk to me that way?"
>
>I walked away and the [texts with her mother that followed](https://imgur.io/a/R0qeH6f) have me doubting my own sanity.
​
\*\*another post
>**Ex is hiding from the world because she's embarrassed she's gained weight; her father and I both agree this is why she refused to spend time with our families/friends and things started going downhill**
>
>Friends told me she had started getting a bit chubby a month or two before I met her. I saw it continue with too much takeout/inactivity.
>
>As she kept gaining weight she became depressed, embarrassed of her body, and cut herself off from the world. She stopped going into an office, refused to see her family, and wouldn't go outside her/later our apartment. At first this didn't raise concern because it was peak COVID but as the world started up again she refused to do the same. She started screaming at me when I would take pictures where she was even in the frame. We stopped having sex because she didn't want me to see her without baggy clothes on. She stopped showering consistently. I tried to get her to talk to someone or join my own therapy sessions and her parents to get her to talk to someone.
>
>From March 2019-April 2022 I consistently tried to get her to go running with me, go to the gym, come out for dog walks and eat better. When she asked me if I wanted a second lunch if I pointed out that we had just had lunch or breakfast a few hours earlier she would get just... mean. Everything became my fault because there was so much rage and the situation got bad enough before she tried to solve it that by the time she was forced to admit there was a problem it was so bad that she couldn't face it without lashing out. She fractured her ankle standing up from her desk chair at 2 in the morning, started screaming at me when I wanted to take her to the Emergency Room, and only let me take her after multiple very very painful attempts at walking it off.
>
>By September of last year she had gotten bad enough that, in hindsight, it was probably inevitable that she would end up with an injury because her body wasn't used to carrying so much weight around. Her parents were still kind to me at that point and I spoke with them often, typically to mediate fights between them. They told me that she was depressed because she didn't see a commitment from me and had been dating for a year and a half-ish at that point but that if I moved in with her she would stop being so depressed/upset and start getting better. I really fucking wanted her to get better and am, for lack of a technical term, negligently optimistic so I did. This was, in hindsight, a stupid fucking move.
​
\*\*another post
>**Can I avoid disclosing that leg injury was caused by metal thermoflask being thrown at me without compromising doctor's ability to evaluate it properly? Alternately, can I ensure doctor will not contact authorities regarding domestic violence situation?**
>
>I'm days away from moving out of an apartment where I live with my ex, she and her family have been verbally abusive and she has been physically abusive, openly since February. To be clear, I've never done anything to her or defended myself beyond retreating into my bedroom and she hasn't broken the lock on the door since March so I do feel safe here for the short time I have remaining. About two days ago she had an episode and threw a metal thermoflask which wasn't entirely full but had a decent amount of ice/water in it at me and it hit my leg. She'd previously done this with a variety of objects but they were all plastic and didn't do much. My leg hurts where the bottle hit me when I walk and I'm concerned about possible damage/would like to get it checked out. I know that if there is a material injury it's important to get that done quickly. Frankly I'm terrified that if I go to the doctor now and disclose how I got hurt as I've always done when following up on \\\*normal/sports-related\\\* injuries they might be obligated to contact the police. Based on what I'm feeling now and having been treated for waterskiing/hockey related injuries I would be surprised if they won't look to do an x-ray and/or MRI.
>
>Questions:
>
>\\-I know that earlier this year when she fractured her ankle by standing up they asked her if I had hurt her, is that something that is standard or required? Can I simply decline to explain the injury if asked?
>
>\\-Is there a way I can explain this injury that would not implicate her? The impact point is about half way up my right tibia centered about 30\* clockwise (assume the "top" of my leg when sitting with legs extended is 0\*. I can't think of a way that I would be able explain the nature of the impact given that I don't usually have metal water bottles flying at me.
>
>\\-I know there's no good way to answer this but does this sound like the type of injury that could wait a few days to get to a doctor to see without risking aggravating it? I'm scheduled to move within days (she doesn't know this) and I would be much much less anxious about potentially having to disclose what happened if I wouldn't have to be around her afterwards. Spending any time near or around her after she potentially got a call or visit from law enforcement would be an absolute nightmare to the point I would go stay in a hotel if it wasn't for the fact that I need to finish getting my stuff organized so that when the movers show up it's ready to be boxed and carried quickly.
>
>Thank you for your advice. My details: 6' tall, 180 lbs, caucasian, leg injury, two days, no existing medical issues, sudafed-d and tremfaya, drink socially, do not use recreational drugs or smoke.
​
\*\*a comment that gets to the heart of how she is when shes having an episode
>90% agree. Fact of the matter is I really like her youngest brother, he's the one most at risk from it. The situation is completely divorced from me aside from the fact that from a legal perspective my only exposure to her in absolute terms is that she could make things up and lie to try and get revenge on me for ruining her life by not proposing to her which, because I'm an idiot, I would have done if we had spent a single fucking weekend at the beach with my family. This isn't related to this post but we're here so what the fuck.
>
>**"You and your brothers should be dead, not your father."**
>
>**"Your father dying was karma because you hurt yourself."** (note: I did that in 2013, started getting help for myself, and have not had an incident since then)
>
>"My family is better than your family, that's why we're all alive."
>
>**"I'm calling the cops. Who do you think they'll believe, you or me?"**
>
>When she's having an episode the things she says range from downright cruel to inhumane. I only consider things like the anecdote about her brothers important insofar as they would be helpful in the event she did decide to try and make things up/lie/harass me because in that case my best general defense would be to demonstrate her/her family's tendency to lie and misrepresent facts to their own advantage and the fact that they don't give a fuck who they hurt or what the effects of the damage are as long as it benefits them.
​
charlesmunger_: So you slept with her and then paid her in the hotel room?
fuck-alia-iacta-est: Technically correct
wtfisthepoint: Clearly you need to focus on yourself bro
fuck-alia-iacta-est: That's why I'm here, this is the rubicon show.
wtfisthepoint: So why do you think that you would have put up with such behavior for so long? Do you have any clue as to why you think you don’t matter? That’s what I meant.
| 6 | 111.833333 | |
1669234556 | 1669236650 | t3_z2zay7 | t5_2to41 | 8 | IFO---21: TIFU by trying to punish a spoiled brat
[removed]
Illegallydumb: You sound like a complete pos, I’m glad the truth came out that poor baby.. you’re lucky it didn’t go any further tbh because I’d be LIVID if you did that to my children
Gerald_Bostock_jt: Yeah, but if you forced someone to look after your children, well...
Illegallydumb: I highly doubt anyone had a gun to his head, doesn’t matter regardless there is no situation where you should lock up a child and take the piss out of their language that’s disgusting and if it happened to my babies it would seriously boil my piss
| 4 | 2 | |
1669244570 | 1669245936 | t3_z33f4t | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by not double bagging a bag of cat litter
I was at my grandma’s apartment at her old person building. They typically don’t allow pets but my grandma has a cat and they seem to be fine with that.
The people there don’t exactly love my grandma. I understand why. She isn’t that nice and she is unclean (she has horrible memory) and she forgets about food in her fridge, which expires, like food does. A past manager previously tried to get her evicted because there were maggots (they were actually rice and that person was full of shit and later got fired). As you can imagine, she’s not on the thickest ice.
Anyway, when we were cleaning, my mom gave me a bag with used cat litter in it and told me to double bag it and put it in the garbage disposal which is a few rooms down. I was already annoyed because everyone kept getting yelled at by my mom, and I wasn’t thinking straight. I decided that the litter didn’t need to be double bagged. As I was walking to the garbage disposal room, a small hole formed in bottom of the bag. I didn’t notice it until I set the bag down to open the door to the garbage disposal.
This is where I F’ed up. I grabbed the bag and pinched the hole shut and threw it down the garbage disposal. When I was walking back to my grandmas room, I realized how much the hole leaked. There wasn’t shit, but there was a bunch of litter sprayed everywhere in the hallway which looked somewhat like a trail. I decided that this was ok and didn’t need action and my mom didn’t need to know, and I bet back to my room and forgot about it.
When my mom and I were done cleaning and walking to the elevators, she inevitably noticed the litter on the ground. She asked me what I did, and I said “Oh. The bag had a hole. It’s fine tho”. She, obviously, flipped out and we ran back to my grandmas and got a dustpan and a broom. We haphazardly swept it up and out of the way.
My mom yelled at me a lot in the car and said that my grandmas going to get evicted or her cat is going to get deported and my grandma will flip out and how this is all my fault and we are coming back tomorrow with a handheld vacuum and she’s going to glare at me as I vacuum the litter.
TLDR I didn’t double bag a bag with used grandma cat litter causing it to spill in the hall way and I decided that this wasn’t a problem and didn’t tell my mom causing to be very angry when she inevitably found out and now someone’s going to complain and bad things will happen.
Yes, I know that I’m a idiot lol
BirthdayCarFire: WTF dude? You mention your grandma isn't on good terms with her property yet you willingly left waste from her room to the garbage room and thought it was fine?
Your mother is upset at you being lazy and clearly avoiding the responsibility of caring for your grandmother.
[deleted]: Yes I’m aware.
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1669248652 | 1669249958 | t3_z34z0t | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: Tifu again. Why won’t I learn
[removed]
PsychologicalSell805: Do you secretly hate your wife?
Imnotthatguy46: This is the thing. I love her more than anything I suppose I just have an issue with recognising when she’s genuinely in pain and not thinking she’s just milking it for a steady few days
PsychologicalSell805: Why would she do that? Or why would you think that she was doing that? Is she lazy in general? Tbf surgery doesn’t sound too steady
| 4 | 1 | |
1671748300 | 1671812182 | t3_zsyvwy | t5_2to41 | 681 | TIFUtastupidwomam: TIFU by letting my coworker move in with me.
As the title says, I FU by letting my coworker move in. Throw away because reasons.
I won't bore you with details of how. But I'm a widow, aged 38. After losing my husband ten years ago, I decided to transfer to a different state in my career. I sold our home for a tidy profit, bought a good size four bedroom house and started new. I've been in this area for seven years, and never really dated. Went on some coffee dates, but nothing that made me want to stop wearing my ring. I know kind of sad, still wearing it even after my husband is long gone, but I never felt the need to remove it. After losing my husband, and having uterine cancer soon after made me infertile, I just decided to coast.
Enter my coworker Jason (fake name), who transferred in a year ago. He's in the middle of a nasty divorce. His parents live close and they want to sell and move to a warmer climate, but not until the end of the year. Rent and housing had obviously skyrocketed, so I offer him a bedroom in my home. He mentions he can't because he has two little girls, 6 and 7, and his wife wants everything but them, and she's willing to sign over rights as long as she gets their house. After a discussion I agree to let him and his daughters move in for 30 days as a trial.
Well it's been nine months and it's been amazing. Unfortunately I've fallen in love with him and the girls. My house finally has sounds of happiness instead of echoes of lonliness. I haven't felt like this since my wedding day when I got married at 18, and I am so scared. I tried squishing down my feelings but I can't. I threw myself back into the dating game and tried going out as much as possible, every time leading to disappointment.
Jason came to me last month and advised his parents are moving at the end of this year, and he would "finally be out of my hair". His parents would be letting him move into their house, and he and the girls would have their own place. I congratulated him and offer to help pack the house and decorate the girls new rooms. Well he was able to move in last weekend. Hence, where I FU. BIG TIME.
The last day he and the girls were here, I made a huge goodbye dinner. As the girls climbed into his car to go to their home, I hugged him probably too longer, and went to kiss him on the cheek. He went to do the same, and well, we missed. I kissed him. And he kissed me. And neither of us pulled away until one of his girls made an "EWWWW" screech from the car.
I mumbled to drop my key off under the mat when he was ready to, and closed the door on him. He knocked and asked to talk later, but I didn't open it or respond.
I had taken this week off anyway, for Christmas, and am avoiding his texts and calls. My voicemail is full from him. I go back to work Tuesday and will see him, and I'm dreading it.
TLDR: I let my coworker move in, and fell in love with him and his kids, and I don't know what to do.
Middle_Manager_Karen: You are enough, he likes you back.
Here is your text: “sorry I fell silent, I am scared of getting hurt again. I like you. I’d like to see you again. Bring Crumbl cookies next time maple cinnamon roll is on the menu”
Okay maybe I wrote the last part from the heart. But the rest is a good start.
futhisplace: >maybe I wrote the last part from the heart
Not the first part though just bring me cookies. Wait... Is that manipulation?
Middle_Manager_Karen: Yes, yeah, might be. I really wanted cookies, still do, once the picture entered my mind it overtook the idea.
F4DedProphet42: Mmmm cookies...
Rtyano: God damnit you two:)
| 6 | 113.5 | |
1671742817 | 1671809648 | t3_zswpld | t5_2to41 | 4,976 | unusuallly: TIFU by looking through my girlfriends phone
TIFU by looking through my girlfriends phone
As the title says, I fucked up so bad. My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 9 months, we’re 21 and 19. We love eachother, we trust eachother, and we have nothing to hide from eachother. I was sleeping over at her place and couldn’t fall asleep, it was about 3 am. She was sound asleep, and I had gone through every social media app I could on my phone, and was so bored but just couldn’t fall asleep. So I don’t know what got into me, but I decided to look through her phone, particularly her Snapchat memories. I trust her, I have no reason to believe she’s cheating on me or being unloyal, I suppose I was just bored so I did it. And I was right, there was nothing to worry about, she doesn’t talk to any guys, there was nothing. But as I got down into her Snapchat memories from a year ago I started to see some things I wish I hadn’t. Around that time she was into hookup culture, one night stands and what not. I understand that’s her past, it bothers me a little but not enough to end things. But I saw snap and snap about how good the dick was from multiple guys, rating the top 10 dick she’s gotten, the extravagant moves they did in bed, and just a lot and a lot of bragging about the guys she hooked up with. I don’t view her any differently, as I knew about her past, just not in such detail. I put her phone down, cried, and ended up falling asleep. This morning I woke up and didn’t talk about it with her as I don’t want to make her feel bad for her past or anything, and I also don’t want her to know I looked through her phone, as that’s so out of character for me.
Does anyone have any advice for me?
TL;DR I looked through my girlfriends phone and saw things I didn’t want to, she’s not cheating and I know it’s my fault for looking, but I’m not sure how to go about bringing it up
Edit: Some of you did not hold back at all lol. I guess I deserve that. One thing I should add is that prior to meeting her, I was a complete virgin. She was my first kiss, my first everything, not sure if that changes anything but I figured i should add that.
Another addition I’d like to make is about my background. I grew up in a very, very overprotective and religious household, I was home schooled and attended church diligently every week, as well as other extra curriculars that I could do at church. I was raised with the idea of saving sex for marriage, which didn’t always sit right with me, and that was never something I planned on living by. I’ve since moved out of my parents house and live at my own place. But having been raised in a household like that for 20 years, and being sheltered and only interacting with people of that belief, hookups and ONS are a completely new idea and thought to me. Again, not sure if this changes anything, but do with that information what you will
Edit 2: Despite some absolutely ruthless comments, these responses actually helped. I wrote this at the peak of my emotions, I’ve settled down now, and honestly haven’t even thought about it since. My girlfriend and I talked about it. She was obviously upset that I looked through her phone, but seeing as we have told eachother in the past we have full access to one another’s phones, she wasn’t that bothered by it. Some comments got me confused. I didn’t make her apologize, I didn’t make her feel bad, I simply told her how I felt, and that was that. I didn’t expect an apology, I didn’t expect her to get in her hands and knees and beg me to stay, and she didn’t want me to do that either. We’re fine now. I’m over it. She’s mine.
I know, I have the best girlfriend ever
TuckerCarlsonsOhface: Do not bring it up. I repeat: Do NOT bring it up! There is nothing that needs discussion, and it will only damage her trust in you.
Out of all that good dick yours was chosen. You should feel proud and happy your dick was the winner. Now [strut](https://youtu.be/1B1RJiOGPUI) like the stud you are, and don’t dwell on this.
thylocene: To add on, if this really bothers you then go find a therapist and talk to them about it. Work on it. This isn’t something that should bother you and judging from what you’ve wrote, you know that. So work on yourself. Self improvement is the greatest goal any of us can have.
[deleted]: That's a stretch. Just because he finds what she did morally wrong isn't a bad thing and most guys would agree. Why do we have to be ok with a girl, that we want to marry and be mother to our kids, sleeping around with a bunch of guys? Can you really respect her after that especially if OP saw actual pictures. No
HelpMyCatHasGas: I would hope you hold yourself ro the same standards as a man then
[deleted]: Are you saying that, as a man I should hold myself to the same standards set for women, or that I should hold myself to the standards of a man? I'm confused.
As it relates to sexual partners before marriage, I believe people should limit the number of people they sleep with regardless of gender, if that's what you mean.
Java2391: Then go find someone who holds those same values as you. Your version of values doesn’t mean everyone thinks that same way and you need to accept it and get the fuck over yourself.
Your standards do not apply to others and imposing that is wrong.
[deleted]: I agree completely! Yea that's exactly what OP should do, and exactly what I did.
Java2391: You don’t know his values. You’re telling a young man to think of women more like property than equals. I will never agree with you. The feeling he has is related to the fact he is young and has insecurities. You, you are just straight off the fuckin rocker
[deleted]: He obviously doesn't like it otherwise he wouldn't be here posting. In a relationship men and women both become each other's property to an extent, but they are equal in that way. He's right to have standards and expectations. As you said he is still young so it's up to him to decide what he's willing to put up with (same with her).
Java2391: No, no they do not. You weird weird little man. You are never the property of another person. You need therapy, a lot of fucking therapy. Get help. Seriously. Get some fuckin help.
[deleted]: Before husband or wife the word used is *MY* implying what exactly?
Ghostglitch07: Relation. Not ownership. In the same way MY doctor isn't anything near MY property.
[deleted]: That's a good point. That's why property is not the right word for it. Maybe language is lacking.
Ghostglitch07: Your language is lacking, sure. This isn't a fault of English, just your usage of it.
| 15 | 331.733333 | |
1671727505 | 1671776405 | t3_zsqkxc | t5_2to41 | 11,070 | Unlikely-Mud473: Tifu by eating my husbands anniversary breakfast he made me
Today is my one year marriage anniversary. I made him breakfast in bed, and later he made me a late breakfast. He said he made his “famous eggs”. Apparently that just means he puts in a shit ton of different cheese and bacon. There was a lot of bacon so I didn’t really taste all the cheese. And I haven’t ate eggs in a while so maybe I did taste the cheese but thought that’s what eggs taste like…
I’m lactose intolerant. Most of the time I just ignore it and run to the bathroom later. I didn’t know there was cheese and a reason to run.
I started getting gassy. Most were silent. But I thought maybe my body just doesn’t like eggs. I continued watching our cooking show. I let another one rip, thought it would be silent. No it was loud and evil. My husband joked “damn did you shit yourself?”
I did.
Immediately after he said that I felt it slip out. Not even a small shart. I full on shit myself.
I’m now hiding in the bathroom. my fancy underwear is toast.
Ofc this would happen
TLDR: I ate cheese and shat my pants
Edit: I myself forget I’m lactose a lot, I don’t make a big deal out of it. I forget he doesn’t like pork sometimes. He forgot. He just made something that he’s been making for years. It’s okay.
Also I love cheese. He doesn’t really know how extensive my ass explosions are. But I eat a lot of cheese. He just forgot I have to know so I can go to the bathroomi
Edit 2: I meant he doesn’t like pork chops, it’s a texture thing. I forgot pork chops and bacon both come from a pig…
Positive-Situation-9: I too am horrendously lactose intolerant. I also eat an ungodly amount of cheese and deal with the literal fall out later
🤷🏻♀️ worth it.
Grim-Sleeper: There are cheeses that are naturally lower in lactose. For everything else, there is added lactase enzyme
Deeppurp: Older and harder the cheese, the less lactose it has.
Lactose is the sugar the bacteria eats to make cheese, cheese.
My wife finds lactase makes things funny for her so she just deals with it, but she isn't as severe as op sounds like is.
rdicky58: Parmigiano reggiano (the real kind from Italy) is low- or no-lactose, and had even been recommended by Italian doctors as baby’s first solid food
yildizli_gece: And yet I'm pretty sure parmesan really fucks my stomach up, despite taking the lactose pills, and now I actively try to avoid it and have noticed a difference.
Idk if there's a different allergy there--I also eat cheese and dairy and sometimes it fucks with me and other times it doesn't?--but, yeah; Idk what's up with the parm.
JayJayGolden: are you eating parmesan, or parmigiano reggiano?
yildizli_gece: Ooh, good question--it's whatever is sold in the Kraft Parmesan container or the store brand of that (Wegmans, Whole Foods, etc.), though I have occasionally bought the wedge to grate it myself.
Is there a significant difference in the ingredients that make both? I know there's a quality difference, but I hadn't considered an ingredient difference.
JayJayGolden: They've potentially been made differently, maybe even aged less. There could be a difference in lactose content. The wedges also arent guaranteed to be parmigiano. I'm not sure how to get or identify real stuff in the US, here in europe we have a good system for it haha
yildizli_gece: Yes--it seems it's not nearly so well-regulated in the U.S., alas.
I will try the wheels themselves and see if that makes a difference; thanks. :)
DeletedByAuthor: What really matters (in that context) is how long it's aged for. Try aged cheddar (known for its low lactose content) or swiss cheese/parmesan (it doesn't have to be the real deal).
Just make sure it's been aged for a while (although how long depends on you personally, e.g. how much lactose your body can deal with). If you're not sure, just go for the oldest one.
And don't get a whole wheel of cheese, especially if you're lactose intolerant lol. Chances are you're not gonna finish it (also they are quite expensive)
imtotallyfine: Adding to this is that you should dry it out in your fridge before grating it.
| 12 | 922.5 | |
1671751344 | 1671852455 | t3_zt0518 | t5_2to41 | 1,695 | Technical_Law_4226: TIFU by losing a mold of my penis
My (36m) wife (33F) and I have been together for 20 years, and married for 5 of those years. A while ago I started working away from home, and thought it would be funny to get one of those “clone-a-Willy” kits at the gag gift shop, to kind of “keep my spot” at home. The making of the mold ended up being a funny a story all itself, and in the end, I was surprised at how similar it ended up being to the real deal. I felt good about it, my wife thought it was great, she even sent photos of herself with it. Well Some time passed, and it came out less often, but all of the sudden it went missing. I’ll admit sometimes we haven’t been the best at putting our sex toys back in a safe place, but it’s not like it grew legs and left the room! Losing a sex toy in the house with kids 10 & 13 is one thing, but an exact copy of your penis going missing is giving me a heart attack. We’ve looked everywhere in our room and house, and I try to tell myself, maybe it ended up in the trash, but when I think about the worst case scenarios I feel like vomiting. If you are thinking about getting one, they are great, but for the love of Pete lock that shit up in a good spot!
TL;DR Today I freaked out after losing a copy of my penis
Edit : my wife at the time was 14, when I just turned 16 she asked ME out, and we’ve been together ever since. I have asked her a few times throughout our relationship about the age gap, and she always replies with, there’s no one else. But I understand the concerning math TY
Edit #2 - OK people, my wife asked me out AFTER her birthday, but BEFORE mine, she was 14 years old while I was 16. We are 2.5 half years apart in age, and will have been together 20 years late NEXT month. If you read above I expressed age gap concerns to her early on, we felt it was within reason, and obviously made a good call, but feel free to carry on concerning
- the word is MOULD, another TIFU by posting the word mold and my penis In reference to each other
Snowcap93: You were 16 dating a 13 year old?
Technical_Law_4226: We have been married 5 years out of the 20, we will have been together 20 years end of next month - January, she was 14, I was freshly 16 when we met
BadBoyJH: You may have been freshly 16, but unless she's skipped a birthday, she was *more* freshly 14, given she is more than 2 years younger than you.
And her asking you out, didn't make it OK to say yes.
Teenage you was a creep.
Leovaderx: You call THAT an age gap?
Avoid Italy mate, it would traumatise you.
BadBoyJH: I would indeed call that too close \*at age 16\*.
Italy would call it criminal if she was a mere year younger, so if that's the trump card for somewhere that would ignore that age gap, then maybe *don't* be surprised when people find it inappropriate.
Djl1010: Italy would not call it criminal, age of consent is 13 if you are with another minor. Most of the world would not call this scenario creepy or illegal.
BadBoyJH: Age of consent in italy is 14, but also allows an age gap of 3 years for someone under that age, so if your criteria for minor is under 16 years.
But given "a mere year younger" would make her 13, and him 16 (and not within 3 years, (as we've already established, there's a slightly greater gap than 2 years now, so this is now slightly over 3), it *would* make it criminal
Also, given by the sounds Italy wouldn't criminalise a 14 year old having sex with a 41 year old, I'm not sure that's the standard we should be for it being OK.
Djl1010: It's 13 for Italy if they are that close in age according to wikipedia.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_consent_in_Europe#:~:text=The%20age%20of%20consent%20in%20Italy%20is%2014%20years%2C%20with,%2C%20but%20at%20least%2013)
There's not really any point in hypotheticals. Yes it'd be illegal if they were one year further apart but they weren't so it doesn't matter.
BadBoyJH: > The age of consent in Italy is **14** years, with a close-in-age exception that allows those aged 13 to engage in sexual activity with partners who are under the age of 18, provided that the age gap between them is less than 4 years
First up, even your link says 14 years. The only difference between that any my source ([here](https://www.ageofconsent.net/world/italy)) is 4 year age gap vs 13.
In either case, their law says a 14 year old can consent to sex with a 41 year old.
If it's illegal there, it's certainly imoral, but I don't think that what's legal there implies what is moral.
Djl1010: I never refuted that. I only refuted your reply to the other comment where you claimed in the scenario provided by OP, before he clarified that it was not a full 3 year gap, would be illegal in Italy. Which even if it were a full 3 years would still have been legal.
| 11 | 154.090909 | |
1671730987 | 1671739227 | t3_zss15g | t5_2to41 | 55 | chiyukichan: Tifu by not actually reading the dryer directions
I moved in with my husband 4 years ago and his house already had a washer and dryer set. I never bothered to find a manual to read how to use them because how hard can it be? You toss clothes in and then you set it to wash or dry.
I tend to do everyone's laundry. I do my husband's because it's a hassle for him to get the clothes to the wash room since he's in a wheelchair and then I have to wash the baby's clothes frequently since we don't have a ton of outfits and they get dirty fast. The real hassle, though, is washing towels and washclothes. Those things take what feels like half a day. An hour in the wash and then three hours on timed dry to get them to where they aren't wet. Timed dry on high only goes up to 1 hour so I have to keep checking on them every hour and it really holds up doing any laundry after them.
Just last night I was looking at the dryer settings and realized I didn't know what "heavy duty" as a setting was. Everything else seemed pretty self explanatory. I googled the manual and it said heavy duty was for towels and blankets that were heavier fabric and to use timed dry if a dryer setting didn't get something completely dry. So I tried it on 4 towels I knew would take the 2-3 hours dry time on timed dry. Heavy duty was an hour and then I did a 30 min timed dry and the towels were bone dry. I have been wasting my time for the past 4 years of laundry.
TLDR: I've been wasting hours of laundry time every load of laundry for the past 4 years by not looking up how to correctly use the dryer.
No_Bend8: 4 towels takes an hour and a half to dry? I'd think you need a new dryer. I can wash 10 towels and be dry in 1 hour
chiyukichan: They are like 10 years old at this point and he bought the expensive high efficiency set which imo is not efficient at all and makes everything take forever. Also, our towels are more appropriately bath sheets. They are the largest towel you can get and very plush. I pray for the day the washer and dryer die so I can get better ones
popeyesmom: If you haven't done it in a while, you should clean the dryer vent and wash (like, with soap and water) the lint trap screen to remove any fabric softener buildup. Both of these things will improve air flow and speed up the drying process.
chiyukichan: Thanks for the advice! Dryer vent gets cleaned yearly and I have allergies to fabric softener so don't use. I'm voting the dryer sucks
| 5 | 11 | |
1671752208 | 1671756084 | t3_zt0krz | t5_2to41 | 26 | This_Parking_33: TIFU by having a sexy image on my monitor at work
Obligatory throwaway account. This happened on Monday, four days ago.
I was at work and I have an office all to myself. It was during my break and I was feeling a little randy, so I decided to let off a bit of steam while I had my door shut and locked. I was expecting someone to stop by a few hours later to drop something off, but didn't expect anyone else to be dropping by. Most days no one comes by to see me due to the nature of my work. You probably know where this is going.
I was looking at an image, which was nothing more than a sexy woman in a swimsuit, but nothing more than what you would see on a website selling swimsuits. No nudity or anything like that.
Out of the blue, there was a knock on the door and I immediately thought it might have been the person who was stopping by and they stopped by early, so I super quickly put myself together and rolled over to open the door and it was someone else who wanted to ask me a question.
As I was talking to them, I realized in the corner of my eye that I hadn't moved to a work appropriate tab on my computer before opening the door, and the image was there for him to see. I suddenly felt super awkward, and while talking I rolled over and switched to another tab, but otherwise didn't say anything to him.
It might just be all in my head, but I feel like he totally saw the image, and that he felt totally awkward by the entire thing. Naturally, I felt like the conversation was super awkward. We finished talking after just a few moments and then he left. I feel super stupid. This guy is actually a superior of mine, and I'm worried he might say to someone higher up that I'm doing inappropriate stuff at work or something. I also am worried that I ruined my relationship with him as well, which sucks because he's a really cool guy and I enjoy working with him.
I have it stuck in my head that I'm going to lose my job over this and that at any moment my boss is going to email me about this. It's completely consumed my life. This is a dream job of mine. It's great for me and my family, and if something so stupid (and selfish from me) ruins all of this I'm going to hate myself. I just have it all so wrapped up in my head and I'm trying to let it go. I think if there was an issue they would have contacted me by now, but maybe they'd wait until after the holiday? I don't know. Maybe doesn't sound like a huge TIFU, but I feel so stupid, foolish, and needlessly put myself and my family in jeopardy over something so stupid.
I have an incredibly healthy relationship with my wife, we get along great, our sex life is great, all of that. She just hasn't been available for various reasons, and the urge just sort of hit me... I'm such a dumbass.
TL;DR - Looked at sexy pictures and work and was surprised by a coworker, carried on a conversation with them not realizing the image was still on my computer. It was awkward. I'm afraid I'm going to lose my job and fuck up everything :(
Splyce123: Why the fuck would you do that in work? Get some help.
PennyLane_87: Honestly.
| 3 | 8.666667 | |
1671726853 | 1671823909 | t3_zsqbgq | t5_2to41 | 3,695 | Jeana_Kie: TIFU by giving my dad 2 Christmas presents.
TL;DR : My dad opened the 2nd gift I got him first, not realizing I got him what he specifically asked for as well. He embarrassed himself and good times were had.
'Tis the season of giving, and I've recently been reminded of a tale from younger years.. First please excuse formatting, I'm on mobile!
I was about 15/16 and had some money left from working over the summer and I wanted to get everyone I celebrated with a gift. I asked everyone what they would like and had ideas for 2/3 smallish items a person. The only thing my dad asked for was an old western movie set.
I go shopping with my mom and brother and we find his movie set, lucky me it's on sale for 2 movies for 30$! So we look for a second movie set to buy him, and we find an action movie set that we've seen him watch a few times on TV. Great! Now he can open 2 gifts from me like everyone else, instead of just 1.
So fast forward to Christmas morning, everyone is gathered around the tree in my parents living room. There's about 8 of us total. For our tradition of opening gifts, my grandfather sits next to the tree and hands out the gifts one at a time so everyone gets a chance to see what everyone got and so we can thank eachother.
Eventually we get to one of my dad's gifts from me, and before even opening it he's talking about the cowboy movies he asked for. He's telling everyone how great the movies are and how we should all watch one together later. He said he hopes it's the ones with all the bonus content he asked for and says how great they are.. After a few minutes of raving about the cowboy movies he finally opens it, and it's the action movies!
"What the fuck is this?!" He exclaimed, "these aren't the movies I asked for! This is 'Action Movies'! I asked for 'Cowboy Movies'! I HATE 'ACTION MOVIES' why would you get me this?? Are you stupid? I should take away your gifts, I got you exactly what you wanted but you couldn't even get me what I wanted!"
He went on like that for a few minutes, my uncle egging him on and the rest were laughing at what the idiot I seemed to be.. I made eye contact with my mom and brother and smirked and winked at them, I didn't want them saying anything in my defense.
Eventually we moved on from my awful gift choices, my uncle ended up inheriting the movies because my dad couldn't bear to have them in his gift pile. I opened another gift from my dad and it's the pair of headphones I asked for! What do you know he pipes up again, "don't open it I'm going to return it later.." That gets a good chuckle from the family and someone makes a remark, "that's what you get!"
We're coming up on the last of the gifts and my grandfather pulls out, the second gift from me to dad. Just like the last one it's a very obviously wrapped movie set.
The room was dead silent.
He doesn't make eye contact with anyone while slowly opening the gift.. once open, head still hanging, he lifts up the gift for everyone to see. What do you know, it's the cowboy movies with all the bonus content just like he asked for!
"Does this mean you want your movies back??" My uncle asks, as everyone erupts into laughter once more.
Thanks for reading! We still tease my dad sometimes when we catch him watching those action movies on his own. Let this be a good reminder that Christmas shouldn't be about the gifts you get, but the thought that's put into them.
Happy holidays everyone!
Edit: formatting
Edit 2: Thank you so much to everyone who's commented! I definitely didn't expect this to blow up! I thought I was just sharing a funny story.. but I know now that it's not really. I'm really sorry for upsetting some of you, it's the season of joy and grace, not hatred.
I recognize the fact that no, he's never apologized to me for this. We don't have much of a relationship, and I don't think that we ever will. I'm LC with him, mostly for my mother, who I still have a decent relationship with.
I've spoken with different therapists before and have had some really good sessions talking about my life and growing up. They've always been impressed with me, that I can keep such a positive outlook. As long as I keep my boundaries and don't take shit from him again, they've agreed that this is a good story to remember.
I love my family, despite all the hardships. They've all grown in their own ways. Nobody should be left out during the holiday season. Not even people with shitty pasts. People grow, even if they don't want to acknowledge it. And as long as the mistakes of the past aren't repeated I will live in peace, knowing that he has changed a little. Knowing that I did that, I got to embarrass him. I made him grow up. That's something to be proud of, no?
Anyways, thanks for reading again! I might have to delete this if it gets too much more popular. As I accidentally posted on my main and my family will definitely know this story. Haha
Happy holidays everyone!
everlastingSnow: I know you look at this as a positive memory but reading this made me very uncomfortable. This is not how a normal person reacts to a 'bad gift' (it wasn't even a bad gift). Sure, it might feel bad, especially if you got your hopes up, but I was always taught to be thankful for what you get, even if it's not what you wanted. The correct response to a gift someone spent time, money and thought to get you (I know this one was a joke but he didn't in the moment) is always 'wow, thank you very much'. Getting upset, swearing, raising his voice and saying he's giving your gift back is *not* appropriate. Honestly, if I was in that situation and I/someone I knew was getting yelled at like that, the joke would be over. That was not acceptable on his part.
You're also not supposed to *expect* one specific thing. Sure, you can give suggestions and hope it will be something but you can't just tell someone to give you something and be disappointed when they don't. That defeats the entire purpose. Assuming that's what it was and getting that mad when it wasn't was not okay and honestly feels a bit entitled. Plus, they were movies you've seen him watch before and that he's apparently watched since. That's a reasonable gift that you put thought into!
Ultimately, it's your dad and you know best whether this is typical behaviour for him or not. That said, if it is, you may want to reflect on your relationship with him. It's hard to see when you've been raised with it but, if this is his normal bahaviour and/or he didn't genuinely apologize and change his actions going forward, this isn't healthy. You didn't deserve that reaction.
itsadoubledion: The whole family sound like assholes tbh, since they were also making fun of OP for the gift before they knew there was a second one
everlastingSnow: Reading it again, yeah, they do come off that way. The first time, I didn't even fully pick up on it. I misread it and thought everyone else was in on it (still not much better; the joke should have stopped as soon as the dad started yelling to spare OP from having to sit through that crap). If they didn't know, I'm even more horrified no one stepped in.
itsadoubledion: The uncle egging on his brother berating his child for getting the wrong gift, the rest of the family laughing at OP for "being an idiot," someone saying "that's what you get" when the father threatens to take his present to OP back... Just an unpleasant group of people all around.
OP says they "smirked and winked at their mother and brother" so that they wouldn't try to say something, but it's telling that nobody had already stepped in even right when the dad started yelling and insulting a teenager and let it go on for minutes. I really hope OP was making the story up or at least massively exaggerating how scummy everyone acted for comedic purposes
everlastingSnow: I do believe OP on this (I've seen this stuff before). I misread that section as everyone being in on it and the uncle egging him on to play up the reaction and make him feel sillier, not out of genuine support for him. I though the comments from the rest of the family were jokes because they were in on the prank. Then, I re-read and realized they probably weren't in on it. :\\
The situation's still terrible either way though. As I've been saying, it stopped being fun when the yelling started and everyone should have jumped to OP's defense. That detail made me really sad for OP, though they have mentioned in the comment that they're LC with the father now so hopefully things are better.
itsadoubledion: Yeah, didn't mean I don't believe them, just that hopefully they're lying otherwise it would suck to be a part of that
everlastingSnow: Ohhh. Sorry, I misunderstood.
| 8 | 461.875 | |
1671729492 | 1671833070 | t3_zsreq9 | t5_2to41 | 215 | ShortCartographers: TIFU by not locking the door to the bedroom…
I put the kids down for their nap. They're 3.5 years old and 18 months old.
My husband and I seized the opportunity during our own “nap” for some intimate hugging. It’s a rare occasion he has off on a weekday. I’m a stay at home dad but now work part time from home. The bedroom door was closed, but not locked.
And then we hear this tiny voice. “Dada? When you done doing something with dad, you get me some milk?” Standing right next to the bed was our 3.5 year old daughter. We didn’t notice her open the door, we don’t know how long she was standing there.
I told her I would get her a cup of milk and she scurried off. Intimate hugging time ended as we were too horrified. I hope she doesn’t remember this. I hope we haven’t damaged out daughter for life. We will henceforth be locking the door.
TLDR we didn't lock the door for intimate hugging and our daughter walked in on us
Scarecrow314159: Eh, she won't remember and even if she does, it doesn't sound like it'd scar her. If anything, I'd urge you to take the opportunity to explain truthfully what was going on.
My parents taught me where babies *really* come from (with a medically accurate children's book about it) as soon as I asked where babies come from. I found it confusing and weird at the time but shrugged it off as a grown-up thing once they answered all my questions.
Stork stories and the like do more harm than good.
k9moonmoon: According to the post, they are both men, so that might make the "where babies come from" story in this context a little more confusing.
davidgrayPhotography: I like to think that in gay relationships, Sir Ian McKellen shows up at your doorstep dressed as Gandalf. He invites himself in and presents the parents with a child over a nice cup of tea. There is no question of where the kid came from, no question of Sir Ian dressed as Gandalf just showing up on your doorstep. There is just a pleasant cup of tea, a child is handed over, and Gandalf just walks out the door
ShortCartographers: I can neither confirm nor deny. You know how those NDA's are... *Keep It Secret. Keep It Safe.*
davidgrayPhotography: 
| 6 | 35.833333 | |
1671665820 | 1671666474 | t3_zs5d4d | t5_2to41 | 17 | SuperCarrotX: TIFU by thinking my pants were on tightly.
this actually happened a few weeks ago but i (16M) think it's appropriate to post it on this subreddit, it's rather funny but quite embarrassing.
started off as a normal day, i was going through all my classes but i had an exceptionally boring german class and the way this class works is the teacher is online and all the students gather in one room and join an online meeting.
the teacher assigned us some work but i already had my answers in mind and just figured i would go wander around in the hallways of the school.
some students don't take languages, so they just have a free period where they can basically do anything they like although it's advised to study and prepare for exams.
i figured i would go see these people as most of them are some close friends and sure enough i run into a group of 4 of my closest friends.one of them really likes to pants people randomly and it's never been an issue for me cause whenever he tried he couldn't even come close to pulling them down as i have really tight pants i wear.
but on this day he chose to try his best to pull them off and was pulling it down with full force for a good 15 seconds without anything actually happening but suddenly the pants quickly came down but he was unknowingly also gripping my underwear.
so both the pants and the underwear come off in the blink of an eye and there i am standing in the intersection of 4 hallways with my "thingy" exposed.there are also 3 CCTV cameras in this area...
thankfully it was only my 4 homies that were there and 2 of them claim to have not seen anything but i'm fairly certain they did and just want to avoid an awkward conversation.
the friend who pantsed me quickly became apologetic after i pulled my pants back up(a good 10 seconds) and i explain its fine and return to my class feeling like a dumbass.
after the class is over the guy comes back to me apologising again but i reassure him all is good and carry on with my day.
now i cant look at these guys without thinking "wow they've seen my genitals"
TL;DR i decided to leave my class and ended up with my pants down in the middle of my school
Gibruei: 13yo?
Jesus...
SuperCarrotX: actually 16
Gibruei: Your friends don't think that they are a little.too old for pranks like that?
SuperCarrotX: these particular friends enjoy goofing off quite a lot but when something needs to be taken seriously, it's taken seriously, you know?
| 5 | 3.4 | |
1671723843 | 1671805896 | t3_zsp2ev | t5_2to41 | 96 | throwaway20029188818: TIFU by giving my girl bsf a massage
This actually took place Tuesday evening and not today. Tuesday I Fucked Up.
So we're at a friend's [17F] party and all is good. Me [16M] and a few of my other friends(also [17F]) are planning to stay over because the party is relatively far and it's just generally easier to stay there.
(I am also very flamboyant so alot of girls see me as one of them and they know that I'm not the breed of guy who has to fuck every woman in sight. And though I am not gay I have that advantage of getting invites to "girls sleepovers".)
Cut to 2am and we're all settling in for the night. We'd agreed that me and my girl bsf would take the fouton on the floor and that the party host and one other girl would share the bed. Well, as we find out the host has an extremely loud snore, however the other girl on the bed seems unfazed by it. Me and my girl bsf are wide awake so we are whispering and talking and gossiping etc.
Then she rests her head in my lap and shuts her eyes as if she's gonna fall asleep there. And this is where I fuck up, I start massaging her face and she seems to enjoy it so I continue... then I say was that nice? She replies and says yes and then she rolls over onto the pillow faced down. Then the real fuck up starts, "My back is so sore..." she says and now I offer her a back massage. I start by massaging her back and at this point she is wearing a hoodie and some pajama bottoms. I worked my way up and down her back etc but due to the hoodie being thick, I can't get a purchase on the massage. And then I politely ask her if I can roll up the back of her hoodie.
Now of course I don't fully know her boundaries so I didn't ask her to take the hoodie off. And I'm glad I didn't as I was unaware she didn't have a bra on at this point. I then explain that if at any point she felt uncomfortable or if she wanted me to stop to just say so because, like I say, I don't want to over step any boundaries she has.
I continue and she tells me to look at her tattoo unware of where it is until she tells me it's above
her ass. Like RIGHT above like you have to see her ass to see it. And I slide her bottoms down so I can see her tattoo that read "ART." which I thought was quite cute.
Anyway as I continued, yet again, I'm massaging her upper back and I work my way round to the side of her upper back and as massage go further down the side I realise that on her right I was massaging the underside and side of her left boob.
WHAT THE FUCK!? I worked my way back to the spine and followed it down and abruptly finished the massage. I asked her if it was OK and she said it was good.
What do I do? How do I move forward? What does it mean? Did she know? Is that even consent, since although she didn't stop me, she didn't explicitly say yes. So many questions so little answers. Please help reddit.
TLDR: I gave my girl bsf a back massage and I accidentally touched her boob and now idk what to do.
Edit: Spelling and grammar.
bunnybuddy7: Not a fuck up. As a women if I asked to show a guy a tattoo that close to my booty I would be angling for more personally. Also she absolutely felt you touch her boob. But you are probably due for a convo with her.
You should be very proud of your respect and ensuring not to cross boundaries and respect her personal space. It is great to know young people are more knowledgeable of cosent. Now like others have said in actually life its not always a exact yes or no when it comes to engaging in sexual behavior. In most cases it rolled out exactly how you said it did, are you comfortable, are you okay with this, please stop me if you don't like it.
throwaway20029188818: Ok thanks for giving a female's view on things. I know you don't speak on behalf of all women but it helps.
DcikHurtzer: From my experience this person laid it out very well. I’m a male and older. Always be gentle and caring unless they ask you to not be. You’re young enough that you’re going to have more awkward experiences. Enjoy them because later you’ll look back fondly on all of them. I can promise you this.
throwaway20029188818: So not moving too quickly was a good option here? And I kinda played things out in the best way?
DcikHurtzer: Pretty much. It’s complex. You will learn as
you go. Sometimes it’s unspoken agreement. Kinda like her showing that tattoo. That was a slight invitation allowing more at a slow pace. Again it’s difficult but you will figure it out as you experience more with others. It would be worth it to talk to her but be soft with the conversation as to not make her feel cornered. She seems
Into you. Don’t be scared but be cautious and caring.
throwaway20029188818: Ok thanks for all the advice.
DcikHurtzer: I should add as I was growing up I found out
some woman love boob massages. Yes I know it seems like “omg this is real! There is a god!”
throwaway20029188818: Well perhaps I should offer that then...
DcikHurtzer: No! Lol. If she wants that she well tell you.
throwaway20029188818: lmao only kidding anyway
| 11 | 8.727273 | |
1671697499 | 1671767301 | t3_zsgt9z | t5_2to41 | 125 | mymy0121: TIFU BY HOLDING IT IN
Hello! It didn't happen today, but it was pretty recent. I just had to get this off my chest already.
I recently became fwb with an old friend. We've only had sex a few times over the last few months because our schedules are pretty hectic, so we're still getting to know each other and I'm learning to be more and more comfortable with him. Today, i had a few drinks and went to hang out with him at his part-time job afterward. I did pee before getting there.
He works alone, so no one was there besides us. We started to get busy, and suddenly, i had to pee. There isn't a bathroom near there and and i would have to walk in the freezing cold to get to the closest one, so i figured I'd hold it in a few minutes while i finished giving him head. I let him know we couldn't have sex and i had to leave bc i had to use the bathroom. He said, "Let's just give it a try." I agreed to, but let him know that if i peedoh him, it wasn't my fault. So i get on top, and I'm trying to go slow, but we got a little carried away, and the next thing i know, there's pee everywhere! We quickly ran to the door, and i went outside to pee. I'm literally outside peeing in freezing weather, naked. We died laughing while cleaning ourselves and everything else. We decided to finish what we started since i emptied my bladder already. So we start going at it again, and all of a sudden, i peed again😭. It was just a little but still🫠.
I've never had bladder problems, and i practice my kegels, so I have to blame it on his big d. So that's the story of how i accidentally gave a golden shower😭.
TL;DR held in my pee during sex and accidentally peed all over fwb, twice.
Individual_Ad_3036: bah, that's just squirting
mymy0121: No, it was pee. I wasn't close to finishing, so i know it wasn't squirt.
Individual_Ad_3036: Take the win! lol
mymy0121: I can't. If this is it, then i dont understand the hype🤣
xXxWarspite: Squirt isn’t real OP. Squirt is literally just piss, so yes you technically squirted on him
| 6 | 20.833333 | |
1671756211 | 1671759182 | t3_zt20v0 | t5_2to41 | 102 | SnoodleWooper: TIFU by bailing on my friend during a false school shooting
So today at my high school I was with my only best friend I had made at the school, eating the scraps the school had to offer, when suddenly a wave of thousands of students began running towards us. I sat there for a good ten seconds confused, sitting next to my best friend when I noticed one of my friends running into one of the buildings scatted throughout my school. Without a second though, I ran as fast as I could and I followed my other friend into the classroom. My best friend was left behind.
It ended up being a false alarm because some kids were playing with firecrackers and someone mistook the crackles for gunfire. Once I had figured this part out, the first thing I did was to text my friend to see if he was okay. Thankfully, he was okay. I was fucking ecstatic to say the least, and I begged for his forgiveness. He had forgiven me and this incident had made our friendship even stronger. However, this isn’t the bad part.
The bad part comes when I was talking to his father and mother about the situation. My friends mother supported me saying we do things in certain situations when we are filled with fear, but his father didn’t seem to happy with me. This is problematic, because if his father doesn’t like me I can’t attend band practices anymore as we are in a band. I’m worried his father won’t allow me to even go to his place and be around him at school, what do I do?
TL;DR During a fight or flight response, I bailed on my friend during a school shooting that ended up being false and his father is not too happy with me.
ls952: Sounds like that bitter bastard is just mad his kid has no survival instinct. Your best friend did actually run, right?
SnoodleWooper: No he just stood there like a deer in headlights
Bubbagumpredditor: Fight right or freeze. Your friend has a valid survival strategy, depending on the situation.
| 4 | 25.5 | |
1671397420 | 1671450444 | t3_zp8cls | t5_2to41 | 28,602 | [deleted]: TIFU by losing my friends bird at the airport
[deleted]
rendragmuab: It might be worth reaching out to some local news sources and seeing if they want to post your story. I imagine TSA would be more inclined to do something once they get put on blast.
SFXBTPD: Is TSA being incompetent very newsworthy?
notinmywheelhouse: No but being inhumane is a news story. Thousands of animals are handled at airports regularly.
CrumpledForeskin: Especially the backstory about the bird itself. There's a lot here a news agency would love
femaleontheinternet: Totally. I remember some particularly sad articles about the dogs left in the cargo hold to freeze and starve to death when flights were cancelled.
-meriadoc-: What the fuck? I can't imagine having my flight canceled, trying to get my dog back, nobody fucking helping, and then finding out they died slow, horrible, painful deaths.
I hope I'm never in a situation where I have to travel with my dogs because I couldn't live with myself if something like that happened.
femaleontheinternet: I’m moving soon and renting a car to take them. I barely trust airlines to treat *me* with humanity. I’m sure as fuck not betting on them caring about a caged animal under the plane whose fee has already been paid in full.
Nandabun: Not to mention this new trend of psychopaths acting like psychopaths openly on planes.
Hi shyguy69, you creepy little stalker.
JPAchilles: Okay that last line came out of left field, can I get some context?
Nandabun: His uncle's husband drowns pest animals instead of something humane without suffering and fear. I said "your uncle's husband sounds like a psychopath.." which upset them enough to try to insult me with "imagine calling anyone when you don't agree with a psychopath." To which I replied something like "imagine trying to make fun of someone for not being okay with drowning animals."
Since I used psycho here, thought I'd poke em again, but without tagging their u/ because I don't wanna harass them, but if they go through my profile to be a butt, hiii! Lol
FuckThisHobby: Imagine having a Reddit argument and then caring about it 5 minutes later
LocationEarth: ikr
| 13 | 2,200.153846 | |
1669854385 | 1669856035 | t3_z98j7w | t5_2to41 | 57 | Throwawayfalsesmoke: TIFU by renting a turo and leaving a lighter in the car.
Throwaway because i am just fuming and need to vent. Already posted on r/turo so a little bit of a cross post
I recently had my 5th trip with turo. Before this i had absolutely no issues with the service. So i rented a Kia but i never met the owner it was a key in a lock box. That was new to me but didn't throw up any red flags post COVID. Trip was going well got to see my family for thanksgiving and generally have a good time. 2 days before the trip we (my GF) find a white bic lighter in the trunk of the car. Me being naive was like probably the owners or something and he forgot it when cleaning. So when dropping the car off i get it washed and throw out any trash, I see the lighter leave it on the center pocket thinking the owner might want it back. Then we get hit with a 257 dollar bill saying i smoked in the car. I have never nor will ever smoke and my GF has asthma. I message the owner asking what this was about. The owner said talk to turo and wouldn't help me, he also called me a smoker and rated me 1 despite never meeting me. So now i have to go through turo and my my credit card company disputing the charges.
TLDR: Thought i was doing a good deed by keeping lighter that i thought was owners in the car to return it.
I attached the pictures that i got that are "evidence". If anyone has any advice let me know please!
[https://imgur.com/EEsOntB](https://imgur.com/EEsOntB)
[https://imgur.com/kjdCGee](https://imgur.com/kjdCGee)
shadesofwolves: As equally as you can't prove it was there before you got it, can they prove it wasn't there before you got it?
Throwawayfalsesmoke: I am unsure there are 120 photos of the car for the trip. I don't see any of the inside of the trunk where my GF said she got it.
shadesofwolves: If it's the owners claim then it's down to them to prove it, and having no images in 120 of the trunk just screams red flag.
Throwawayfalsesmoke: Yeah. I emailed them that, and links of other people getting caught up with the same fee for no reason. I messaged the owner hoping for help but just got told contact turo and now it has to be complicated.
Edit: i should of just used enterprise or something.
shadesofwolves: I'd personally just deny the charges, get a refund through the bank if they've already been paid out and just not use them again.
a lighter doesn't prove smoking, either.
Throwawayfalsesmoke: Yeah i got my credit card involved as soon as the owner wouldn't help. They are watching the charge and will take next steps if it gos through. I am calming down after this post. I am just upset about it.
shadesofwolves: Honestly, you should be. Feels like the owner is just plotting a scam which, if you can get the company involved, the last thing they'd want is someone representing them doing something like that. It's their reputation too.
| 8 | 7.125 | |
1671523571 | 1671608748 | t3_zqilqm | t5_2to41 | 26,664 | SheDidNotListenToMe: TIFU using sign language to make my Deaf partner's parents love me
A few days ago my gf and I got caught being intimate. Her mom heard us in the bedroom and banged on the door. My gf heard nothing because she is Deaf. I did my best to communicate what was happening, but I was in a compromising position at the time. By the time my gf and I were on the same page, the damage was done. Her mom heard it all.
Yesterday my gf sent me a message to inform me that her parents wanted to have a discussion with the two of us regarding recent events. I agreed to meet with them at their house towards the end of the day.
**This is what I expected to happen:**
1. Uncomfortable conversation with the parents about my shenanigans with their daughter.
2. Awkward apology from me.
3. Parents accepting my apology and encouraging my gf and I to practice safe sex, even though no sex at all would probably be their preference.
4. I use what I've learned in sign language to tell the parents how much I love their daughter and hopefully make them like me more.
5. Wholesome-ish ending.
So, 1 - 3 kind of happened as expected, but I managed to fuck up 4 and 5.
**This is what happened:**
I've been learning sign language on an on and off basis for months now. I'm nowhere near good enough, but my gf and I thought it might disarm her parents if I made a small gesture in sign language to show how much I cared about her. It sounded like an excellent suggestion on paper, but I was worried that I would fuck it up because my sign language skills kind of suck. My gf encouraged me to learn something simple. Like an I love you or whatever. I thought maybe an "I love your daughter" to the parents would be better.
However, due to the stress of her parents confronting us and the pressure to avoid saying the wrong things, including the sign language part, I became overwhelmed and miscommunicated the sign for "daughter" and signed "I love your whore." I knew the sign had something to do with touching the side of the cheek or chin, so I did what I thought made sense instead of aborting the mission when I forgot the fucking sign. Instant regret. My gf buried her face in her hands. I could tell she was laughing. Her parents didn't have the same reaction. The two of them looked at me like I was the poop demon in Dogma.
I had no idea it was an inappropriate sign when it happened, but it was obvious I did something wrong. It was the complete opposite of a wholesome ending. My gf video called me afterwards to show me the difference between "daughter" and "whore" in sign language and to tell me I should probably avoid her parents for the time being because I'm not their favourite person at the moment. Guess I'm never gonna make a good impression now.
Tl:dr I wanted to show my Deaf gf's parents how much I appreciated their daughter by using sign language to say "I love your daughter", but I accidentally signed "I love your whore" instead.
PlsRfNZ: God I hope this story makes it into a wedding speech mate.
You'll be fine, people don't get along with their gf's parents all the time.
The parents of the one doing the fucking don't seem to mind as much usually as the parents of the one getting fucked. It's natural, they just want to protect their daughter.
SheDidNotListenToMe: >The parents of the one doing the fucking don't seem to mind as much usually as the parents of the one getting fucked.
Exhibit A - my mom and dad. The two of them love my gf. She can do no wrong in their eyes. I remember when I introduced her to my family, my dad said "if the day comes when she informs you *it's not you, it's me...* then I fully expect it to be all you, son" lol.
Accessible-Privilege: "If you two split, we are keeping her and you need to find a new place to live"
RepublicOfLizard: My boyfriend’s mom has straight up told me in private that if anything happens to our relationship I’m still welcome to the family so long as I’m respectful to him - and that I’ll always get my birthday bread pudding 😭😭
Elmodipus: My wife's family said that to her.
"We like Elmodipus. If you two ever split, he's always welcome to our family dinners. "
MindControlSynapse: Damn no one even knows my reddit name, and that's their common way to refer to you? You really are close
Elmodipus: We have a special bond.
Usof1985: If they see what you do on Reddit and still accept you then you should be very grateful or very scared.
Elmodipus: Oh I'm terrified.
Risen_Insanity: Meh, your profile is mostly NFL and sim racing, not nearly as bad as some others I've seen.
BellaxPalus: This isn't his porn only alt.
| 12 | 2,222 | |
1671491933 | 1671762970 | t3_zq6y3l | t5_2to41 | 48 | dilsinapickle: TIFU by rolling my fiancé’s window down in the car wash
Let me set the scene: it’s a blustery, cold, snowy day. My car was muddy and coated in salt from the roads, so I wanted to go through the car wash. My fiancé was with me in the passenger seat. We had just picked up some breakfast while we were out as well, so he was in charge of guarding our deliciously greasy breakfast burritos until we could make it home to enjoy them. These perfect little tortilla wrapped angels were safely tucked into a brown paper bag on his lap.
We rolled into the car wash (it was one of those long car washes that makes you question whether you just drove into a rave) and I ordered the deluxe. We received our complimentary dash wipes, so I put my car in neutral and let the tracks take over. I start cleaning my door with the wipe and all within a seconds time, my fiancé started screaming and I was horribly cold.
It took me all of 1.89 seconds to realize that I forgot to lock the windows and accidentally rolled his window down while I was cleaning. I rolled it up as soon as I could but the damage had already been done. We were face-blasted with the icy water and coated in grape-flavored soap suds. Worst yet, we weren’t the only casualties of this mess. The poor burritos were now drenched, soggy, and reeking of artificial grape. I don’t even enjoy artificial grape on its own, let alone seeping into the delicious layers of a chorizo and egg filled breakfast burrito.
Ugh.
Anyway, we are home and the mood has lightened up a bit, but from the sounds of it, I’m afraid the chestnuts won’t be the only thing getting roasted at Christmas dinner.
TLDR: I accidentally rolled the car window down where my Fiancé was sitting in the middle of a car wash. We were cold and reeking of artificial grape soap, but the greatest casualties of all were our breakfast burritos. May they RIP.
Malevolent_Mangoes: Never heard the word blustery before and have decided that it’s a very amusing word and will be added to my regular vocabulary.
dilsinapickle: Ohhhhh you didn’t watch Winnie the Pooh, did yah?
Malevolent_Mangoes: When I was a younger yes, but I haven’t seen it in like 10 years. I should watch it again.
| 4 | 12 | |
1671720873 | 1671764937 | t3_zsnwwo | t5_2to41 | 103 | Dog_in_human_costume: TIFU by leaving a laptop in harms way
For the past few months I've been helping at a community center to introduce some senior citizens into the web and mobile apps, since nowadays everything is tied to mobile or email.
It's been a great experience and I recommend it to everyone who has time, those people are nice and it's incredible to actually feel helpful for someone else.
One of the people there is a very nice lady who uses an incredible old laptop (2 gen core I3 with 2gb or ram and windows 7) so I lent her my computer to learn, but she lagged a bit on her own. At first I didn't think it would be much, but for people with limited IT knowledge, going from a quick computer with Windows 11 to an old one with Windows 7 can impact a lot on your learning, from what I saw.
Since she is very nice and brings cookies and cake to us once a week, I went ahead and saved money for a few months to buy her a new laptop.
Dell actually delivered the laptop a few days ago and I was setting it up for her at my house, so we could surprise her this Friday night. There's the Fuck Up.
One of my aunts came to visit, and with her came her "child", a human spawn with 6~7 years that respects nothing.
I take no shit from him, but his mother teaches him absolutely no respect and this cousin does mostly what he wants while his parents think it's adorable.
When they got in my house, he saw the laptop I was setting up and asked to play on it, to which I said no. I close the door to my room and went to the living room with my mother, my aunt and the child.
While I was talking to them, my cousin says he wants to go to the bathroom and disappears.
After a while, since he was taking some time, I got suspicious and went to check. Lo and behold, this problem child was in my room, and was pouring a whole can of Pepsi on the laptop keyboard...
I was never tempted so much to hit a child... but it would be too little...
A lot of shouting started and my aunt got his children and bolted. After calling her and her husband, both say the can't pay for the laptop.
Don't be like me, don't leave expensive stuff at the range of little goblins during this season, since they can destroy it on a whim, and make some good old lady's life harder for no reason.
TL: DR - Problem cousin destroyed a laptop I was going to give to a nice old lady to help her use the internet and learn how to be a digital citizen.
OfromOceans: Honestly a slap was deserved, seems like that kid won't learn/be taught any other way
Grimdek: Child would've been crying. Would've held him down and poured Pepsi all over his face. Absolutely no way he gets out of my house free
cstmoore: Poured? Waterboarded!
FilthyGorilla44: 👀
cstmoore: Too much? 😁
| 6 | 17.166667 | |
1669856665 | 1669923733 | t3_z99g92 | t5_2to41 | 151 | Van_GOOOOOUGH: TIFU. For the last 4 months I thought I was earning below minimum wage at my job but today I found I was mistaken.
When I was hired at my current job, my boss casually said to me "x dollars per hour," and it seemed a bit low to me but I unquestioningly accepted because it's better than not earning anything at all.
So as the weeks went by I started making Excel spreadsheets to keep track of my earnings & tips & budget & goals etc, and with time my Excel spreadsheets have been getting more detailed, so today I finally noticed that the hours I've been charting according to the pay my boss verbally quoted me, didn't match up with the paychecks I've been receiving, so I looked a little closer and it turns out my base pay is a bit more than she casually mentioned to me that day 4 months ago.
TL;DR I thought I was earning below minimum wage at my job but today I discovered I'm earning more than that, which is good news, but NOW I NEED TO COMPLETELY RE-DO ALL MY SPREADSHEETS BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL WRONG 😭.
The_Paradoxigm: Why not just get a copy of your pay slips? No need for a spreadsheet.
Van_GOOOOOUGH: I have all my pay stubs, which I use in all my calculations, but my Excel spreadsheets are more detailed and more exciting to me. It's my idea of fun.
ItsHowWellYouMowFast: >but my Excel spreadsheets are more detailed and more exciting to me. It's my idea of fun.
I like you
honeybadgerdad: Must be great at parties.
Van_GOOOOOUGH: We don't like parties. We like playing with Excel spreadsheets.
ZirePhiinix: You an accountant?
Van_GOOOOOUGH: Perhaps I should consider becoming one. I like numbers and charts and data.
Biguitarnerd: Check out financial reporting too. If you get really good you can make CPA pay with almost any degree. I’m not saying it’s better just throwing that out as another option. You’ll need more than excel skills for either but if you love data… it might be a good fit.
| 9 | 16.777778 | |
1671664328 | 1671754299 | t3_zs4pb8 | t5_2to41 | 833 | GreenEggPage: TIFU by changing all of my daughter's contacts in her phone
This happened 10-15 years ago, when my daughter was a teen. She left her phone lying around and I, as a good father would, decided to prank her by changing the names of her contacts. I got a little carried away and changed all of them. The names I chose were completely random, but most of them were things like Porky Pig, Princess, or Elmo, etc. I intentionally did not give people names that "fit" them - especially mine.
When she found out, she was pissed. I mean, P. I. S. S. E. D. So i decided that cowardice was the best option and denied all knowledge. She initially thought that someone had hacked her phone and went to the phone store to see. She eventually decided that it had to be one of her uncles (and I owed him, so I was fine with him taking the blame). I finally came clean about 5+ years later, after she had calmed down a little bit.
And yes, I am the asshole of this story.
Tldr - I renamed all of the contacts in my teen daughter's phone and she was extremely unhappy about it.
NicNicNicHS: yeah that's just kinda shitty and annoying and and not very funny and pretty much invading your kids privacy?
idk maybe I'm just being dramatic
cdm014: Privacy with electronics is a privilege not a right for children and it should not be the default. It is the responsibility of a parent to occasionally monitor their child's activity for unsafe conduct.
The renaming bit... The funniness will vary from person to person.
NicNicNicHS: No, you should not go through your kids electronics, especially behind their back and without them knowing.
cdm014: You are free to raise your children how you see best. I will raise mine as i see best.
However when i handed her the phone, i was clear: this is my phone which i am letting her use to make my life easier, as a reward she also gets to use it for her own life, but it's mine and i will be monitoring her activity
Thepinkknitter: I mean, you’re just raising a kid to be sneaky to find a way around your helicopter parenting. But hey, if that’s the way you want to raise your kid, go ahead. Lmao
mrlazyboy: You mean kids haven’t been trying to find ways around their parents for the past 100,000 years?
za419: Parents probably should be encouraging their kids to feel comfortable telling their parents about their lives - secrets, even, things they don't want everyone to know, because they need advice on something.
Training kids to feel that they can't let any shred of information sit within their parents reach because their parents are boundary-stomping dickwads who think that anything to do with their children is their business and theirs alone, is the exact opposite of that.
Don't prioritize raising children that are obedient and trick you into thinking they do as they're told over raising children to be functional adults. That's the point, isn't it?
mrlazyboy: Independent of how parents raise their children, most kids are going to try and get around their parents wishes. If you don’t believe that, I’d argue you’ve never met a child
za419: That's absolutely true, and that's why it's pointless to try to track everything they do. It gives the kid attacker's advantage - You have to stop them from getting through in a thousand ways, they only have to catch you not defending the castle once.
Which leads us to the question of goals. Why is it that this is a war? We already know we're going to lose, so all we achieve is blundering mutual trust.
Is the goal to slow them down from getting to see what they will manage to see anyway? Because by banning it, they'll be very interested in why it's banned, and you may well get it seen even earlier by providing that incentive.
I think the goal should be raising the child to be a well-adjusted, successful adult. Unless things go very wrong, they'll spend most of their lives as adults anyway.
And to that end, I'd argue a foundation of mutual trust, based on a parent and child being willing to approach each other and trust each other with their problems, even the ones that are embarrassing or difficult to talk about.
And therefore, I'd rather teach them how to be responsible and help them learn how to navigate an internet-connected life, than to try to box them up and present myself as an obstacle to get around. Because I believe that will provide a better foundation for a parent-child relationship, and for the development of a child into a person who will outlast me.
cdm014: The foundation of trust that she will act safely and responsibly comes from first observing her acting safely and responsibly in a controlled setting
za419: Your trust in her, perhaps. You should trust her anyway though - She's your daughter, you probably know her better than anyone and frankly if she's already untrustworthy by the time she's on the internet then you've either majorly screwed her up or you're being awfully bad about not letting her use a computer.
The more important trust, that you need to establish with her during the adolescent years where she's figuring out how the world works and where she fits in it, is her trust in you. That's not something that exists just because of DNA, contrary to many subpar parents expectations - It exists because you show her that she can trust you.
And again - trust is a two way street. The first step to her trusting you is you trusting her.
| 12 | 69.416667 | |
1671629241 | 1671716136 | t3_zrlycz | t5_2to41 | 186 | Itsme_AndrewPG: TIFU by swearing at somebody bigger than me & got my ass handed to me with violent politeness.
This happened a few hours ago:
TL:DR at the end.
Today I took my grandmother to the mall to buy a few odds and ends and to enjoy a festive season coffee. She struggles to walk so we keep a wheel chair in the car for her that I can use to push her around.
So we finish our shopping and head down to the underground parking area where our car is parked and I go about the tedious job of getting the wheelchair and shopping in the boot(trunk for my US friends).
2 Important details:
1)We are parked at the end of a row of parking and cars have to turn around us to double back to look for other parking spaces.
2) My gran suffers from serious PTSD of any loud noises due to some childhood incidents. Couple wlthat with the fact that she is a rather frail 83 year old, vehicles can often startle her.
A 4x4 truck(bakkie for my ZA people) takes the corner to drive past us but I'm guessing he wasn't in the right gear and so down shifted and let out an almighty Rev of the engine(reverb around the whole underground and wheel spinning) as he drives off. My gran, waiting next to the car looks absolutely petrified and let's out an almighty scream and falls onto the car. She sounded like a little girl scared for her life. And something inside of me snapped.
The FU: as he speeds away I scream a choice selection of profanities about him and his driving, further down some people shout through his window and deliver my message. He promptly parks his vehicle and him his wife and his 8 year old daughter (I know this because, he told me) make their way over to me, now getting the final goods into the car.
Now for context I'm a 6 foot tall, 70kg guy who runs, I'm built like a bamboo shoot at best. He's about 5'6" and built like a rhinoceros, well over 100kg and he's got that "farm strength L" about him, like wrestling sheep or lifting a tractor wheel is game. To roughly translate he says to me "Do you have the balls to say what you said about me to my face and can you back it up" - I'm SH1TTING myself at this point so I say to him "I don't want to repeat it infront of your wife and daughter, and it was said out of anger, my bruh i can't justify it.. " hoping that it can buy me a moment or two to to let him calm down.
Spoiler alert:
He doesn't calm down. He tells his wife and daughter to start walking.
He asks me again "Can you back up what you're saying Huh!" and as he does this, him and his polished forehead deliver a powerful headbutt directly to my face. Instantly, blood everywhere, my shoes, my shirt, the floor, the car. Now I might be mouthy but I'm about as violent as a moth at best. So I basically just go "What the fuck dude!? Words are one thing but why the violence??" mostly because my poor gran, and his wife and his daughter are still seeing all of this.
SO THEN he goes, "why''d you have to swear at me hey?? You could have walked over and spoken to me(which tbh I should have done, but also bruh you legit almost broke my nose infront of your clan)" and proceeds to go to my gran and go "Aunty, I'm sorry I revved my car at you. And you(me) what I just did to you was not right sorry."
And then the real icing on the cake: he turns to my gran once more and goes : "Aunty, once again, sorry, Merry Christmas and I hope you have a prosperous New Year's"
I was so hyper focused on making sure my gran was okay I paid for parking and left(don't know where he parked so couldn't get registration details and gran was in such a bad shape after all of this I needed to prioritize her) but man oh man. I'm sitting here typing this with a very tender nose an ego that took one hell of a knock.
A few life lessons learnt:
1) Definitely definitely definitely - think before you speak.
2) In a confrontation, make sure you have some space unless you know how to fight.
3) Regardless of what shit happens - make sure to wish people merry Christmas and happy new year, after all - it's the festive season.
TL:DR - Cocky driver scared my gran, I swore at him, he headbutted me and humbled me infront of everyone and then wished us all the best.
trapaholic400: What a Karen move to start a altercation and then try and get footage to sue lmao
rebuildmylifenow: Hey u/trapaholic400 - I'm gonna have to disagree with you. What OP was doing was in no way a "Karen Move" - he reacted to a trauma response **from his elderly grandmother**, gave verbal feedback to the AH driver (AHD), and indicated that the AHD in reaction to driving like a dick around a vulnerable senior. And when confronted, he apologized and backed down. Where's the "Karen move" there?
AHD not only stopped once he heard the feedback (from others), he then came over to confront OP - that's the only escalation I see here. AHD could have just taken the feedback, looked at his actions, and chose to be more considerate in the future. Instead, he escalated the situation by committing battery.
OP didn't start anything. OP backed down when confronted. AHDriver, otoh, escalated to physical assault. In OP's place, I'd be looking for footage too. After all, what we accept, we condonde. And I don't condone random ass strangers committing assault and battery just because their egos are bruised. I want a better society than that. Besides, if AHD does that over something so minor (like someone else's words), what do they do to other people? At what point will he pull a weapon on someone? What does he do at home when his wife or children piss him off?
Nothing changes if we condone shitty behaviour. And having someone headbutt you **because you said words to them as they were driving away** is absolutely shitty behaviour.
OP - I'm sorry that you got your nose bashed. I don't think you did anything wrong - but you had the misfortune to interact with someone with entitlement and anger problems. Hope your nose recovers and you have a good holiday.
trapaholic400: All I’m saying is don’t say nothing unless you’re ready to fight for what u said. OP agreed he shouldn’t have said what he said and now he’s learned his lesson. Not saying the driver was right but seems like a loser thing to do to know u shouldn’t have done something and then try and press charges.
sosomoist: Defending yourself with your fists: ok and good
Defending yourself with the system that society has developed to defend yourself: bad. loser.
trapaholic400: Lol defending something he initiated, then tried to play victim. It’s okay though op know he was in the wrong. I’m sure he will think twice about it next time. People die from dumb shit like this all the time. Nothing good comes from swearing at a stranger
rebuildmylifenow: Sorry to be pedantic, but, once again - **what did he initiate?**
AHD revved his engine, loudly, in an enclosed space, terrifying OP's grandmother. Everything else flowed from that, and was escalated, multiple times, by the AHD.
OP WAS ASSAULTED. Why **shouldn't** he seek out justice?
Where is it written that it's okay for someone the headbutt you (possibly leading to concussions, or further escalation) simply because they had the temerity to tell you that you were being an asshole?
Seriously? Where? Or are you of the opinion that AHD did nothing wrong? That the whole thing was OP's fault for speaking up to give feedback to someone that was being (at the very least) inconsiderate?
OP isn't playing victim - he's seeking redress. AHD was the Karen - he did something obnoxious, and instead of just taking the criticism and moving on with his life, he a) dragged his wife and child to confront the critic, b) didn't accept the de-escalation apology from OP, and c) defended his tiny ego by **physically assaulting an apologetic person without warning**. It's a "Karen move" to headbutt someone and then blame THEM for your actions. It's a "Karen move" to call 911 on someone for calling you out for leaving your dog unleashed in a park. It's a "Karen move" to demand to see the manager because you received a meal that was cooked just the way that you requested it, and now you don't like it.
This was none of those things. I'm 57, and I've cussed out assholes in situations like this - and NEVER in all my years, have I been attacked for it. I've gotten into a few verbal confrontations, but that's it. THAT is what a civil society is supposed to be like. Proportional response. Someone uses words? You respond with words. Turn it physical? That's a crime. Seeking redress is what we are SUPPOSED to do. That's how we ensure that the whole of society is safer and less threatened by folks that have less self control.
There are too many men in this world that think that it's normal to throw hands if someone insults them. Or to escalate if someone doesn't back down - instead of considering that maybe this isn't a good way to solve conflict. This isn't Renaissance Italy, after all, where duels were fought over nothing more than someone biting their thumb at someone else. We don't have public dueling any more - thank god. And the world is BETTER for that. Why are you trying to shame OP? What is it about this that makes you uncomfortable?
trapaholic400: I must have skipped over the deescalation OP issued. That is def on the driver. I never said the driver was in the right either, just saying u can’t yell obscenities in front of a man’s family and not expect some type of confrontation. No swear words had to be used but there were escalating the situation. Again I’m not saying that makes it okay to get physical but u can’t be surprised if it goes there. OP quickly apologized after he realized he fucked up which does make the driver even more of a asshole. I take back my Karen comment and he was in the right to press charges. My main thing was u got to be careful in situations like this bc it could’ve ended a lot worse for OP
rebuildmylifenow: > My main thing was u got to be careful in situations like this bc it could’ve ended a lot worse for OP
In this, I completely agree. You never know how the person you're yelling at is going to react, and it's a huge risk each time.
My only objection to what you were saying was the "Karen" aspect of your comments - other than that, we agree. Have a great holidays, /u/trapaholic400
trapaholic400: U 2 bro!
| 10 | 18.6 | |
1671730301 | 1671769397 | t3_zsrqv9 | t5_2to41 | 92 | stupidboyfriend2022: TIFU by misunderstanding my girlfriend’s attempt at a compromise.
So this started a few months ago, but came to a head last night.
When my girlfriend [F28] and I [M30] first started dating, I was just coming out of a marriage. As in I had just moved back in with my dad a few weeks prior. Yes, it’s fast, but honestly neither of us were looking for anything serious. I wanted to date around and she was just entering the dating scene after being a single mom for 2 years. We just kinda fell into it and went along for the ride.
At the time, though, I told her that I do want to remarry at some point, but not for a few years. Part of that is because my ex and I can’t legally be divorced until we’ve been separated for a year, which will be June 2023. She said she understood.
Fast forward. Like I said, we fell into a serious relationship and are really happy together. I love her son and I genuinely do want to marry her. But I still don’t want to remarry for a few more years.
Something I forgot to mention is my girlfriend has a whole host of abandonment issues. It’s something she made me aware of early on. Her father walked out of her life when she was a baby, her mom was/is emotionally absent, she’s been SA’d and abused in just about every way possible by partners, and her most recent ex decided to pull a stunt while she was pregnant and lie about his job permanence (which, if she hadn’t found out when she did, would’ve left all three of them homeless when she would’ve been only a few weeks postpartum in a country where you get 1 year of mat leave but need to give 4 weeks’ notice of your return and daycare for even a 1 year old is nearly impossible to find, let alone a 2 month old). So she left him on her son’s due date, and sadly found out the hard way that her ex isn’t much better than her own father was (her son doesn’t even know the word “dad”, and calls him “Cuja” as in “could ya put that up please” because he thinks that’s his name). So basically, she needs a lot of reassurance that I’m not going anywhere, that I still love her, that she can trust me and talk to me, etc. This is fine. She’s working on it, but it’s not so bad.
A few months ago, fairly out of the blue, she asked me what my thoughts were on promise rings. Without much thought into why she might be asking, I said they’re not my thing. Immediately there was a shift in her mood. I eventually got it out of her that she does like them and would’ve wanted one since I wasn’t planning to propose for a few more years, but now that she’s had to explicitly tell me that it wouldn’t mean the same because she’d feel like I was doing it just because she got upset about it.
Last month, we found out she was pregnant. We were ecstatic. We want a baby, but I didn’t think I could have one without going off of some meds. But in a heartbreaking turn of events we were unable to keep it because it would have caused custody issues with her ex. He doesn’t even know about me and is known to have possessive tendencies over her (doing whatever he needs to to get her back), so finding out about me, having me move in, and us having a baby all at once would have triggered a huge custody battle. So we made the impossible decision to terminate last week and try again next year, now that we know it’s possible.
This whole thing has broken her heart, but I told her I felt we were closer and stronger after having gone through this together. She said she felt the same.
Plot twist: when she said she felt the same, apparently for her that means she’s more sure about me and more ready to start life together. She thought I meant it that way too. So when her friend told her she got engaged, she asked when it would be her turn. I told her not for a few years, like we talked about.
Last night when I went over, I could tell something was wrong. She told me the part I just mentioned about being more ready and thinking I was too, but then she realized I was just okay with staying at the same place longer. She said she never intended for me to propose next week or for us to be married right away after my divorce is final, she just wanted a compromise. I asked what I should say next time to avoid upsetting her, but she said she just wouldn’t bring it up again. I thought she just didn’t understand my feelings surrounding marriage and tried to explain. She said she understood just fine but if there was no room for compromise she didn’t want to pressure me to do something I didn’t want to so she just wouldn’t bring it up again. I got upset thinking she was just being moody about it. I told her we were planning to move in together and have another baby and go on vacation, and she broke down saying those are just words now and don’t really help. That everyone’s always made her promises but never followed through, so words don’t mean anything to her without steps.
After some back and forth, it clicked. SHE wasn’t the one who was misunderstanding ME. I was misunderstanding HER. She wasn’t pushing me to get married sooner. She just wanted something concrete. A promise that wasn’t “just words”. Steps.
Then I thought back to the promise ring conversation…and realized THAT was her attempt at a compromise. And I ruthlessly shut it down in 5 words without even thinking about why she might be asking.
This was confirmed a few minutes later when she said, “that’s why I asked about promise rings that one time. I thought it was a compromise. I could have the promise and you could avoid feeling like you were jumping from one marriage to another without a break.”
Fuck, I’m stupid.
TL;DR: TIFU by misunderstanding my girlfriend’s attempt at a compromise to no engagement for 3+ years and denying her the opportunity to have a concrete and physical promise that she needed to feel secure.
Talonj00: Hopefully, having the conversation and open communication can help.
Sounds like she cod use some reassurance where you can give it, even if promise rings aren't a good option anymore. Maybe later on, they could work. I'm not sure what to recommend specifically, but open communication is usually good.
stupidboyfriend2022: Honestly she’d probably still like a promise ring. She said that one time that she wouldn’t want it but I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s been secretly hoping I’d put two and two together and do it on my own anyway.
shoulda-known-better: Whoa you guys terminating your pregnancy because of a crazy ex is heartbreaking..... I had an ex like that and honestly my new boyfriend showing me how much he wasn't fazed by him (I was a wreck I knew what my ex was capable of) and I don't know if I was just lucky that my ex never followed through (I have mine and his 3 children, the worst he did was call dcyf.....which quickly turned around on him) but please ask her to go to counseling with you maybe about that, you guys went through alot..... and I also think you should buy her a ring if you genuinely feel the way you say, she might say it won't mean the same but if it's genuine it will still be an amazing feeling..... you said it yourself you know how unsure and insecure she can feel, if you put effort into making sure she feel special and secure you guys will be fine!! And yes your very correct doing something super sweet and thoughtful for or around Christmas will definitely work !! I am a woman who isn't much into that....yet the corny lovey stuff my boyfriend does is still amazing!
Edit: clarity
stupidboyfriend2022: It’s not even just the ex, it’s his mom too.
Her mom runs a daycare in their home (which my girlfriend and her mom co-own) that the kiddo goes to. Her mom told me that last year his mom came to a visit with him around Christmas, and she (my girlfriend’s mom) mentioned another little boy’s name. Something along the lines of “you must’ve picked that up from Johnny” (name changed). And his mom did an exorcist move and went “and WHO is Johnny?”
And she definitely has the funds and the ability to manipulate her son into pushing for a custody battle that he doesn’t necessarily even want to be a part of.
So yeah, it’s not even just her ex. It’s his mom too. We just need to move more delicately than my girlfriend announcing “by the way, I have a boyfriend, he’s moving in, and I’m pregnant!”
shoulda-known-better: Oh man..... thats way over the line...... any chance your gf and her mom own more then half? It sounds crazy but I'd consider using that if so...... This really is a ton, and I've seen a custody battle that was severely financially unmatched and it didn't go the way you'd assume..... and there is also a reason you both decided it was necessary to go to such extremes to not let them find out..... document everything! And start recording and conversations with either him or the mother! Even if it's illegal in court you want whatever evidence you can get if you think it's going to be a custody battle!! Judges see through that shit, and using kids as pawns for revenge is gross and they will lose!!! Sadly the kid will get the worst end of the deal so counseling will help with any guilt you or her may feel..... I hope everything works out good and you both get to be happy! Stay strong !
stupidboyfriend2022: Oh no I meant they co-own it with each other. As in it’s not just my girlfriend and her kid living under mommy’s roof. It’s my girlfriend’s childhood home and she bought in. That was in the works when we started dating.
shoulda-known-better: Ohhhh I get it !! That's so much better for you guys then what I was thinking!!! Yikes! Hahaha......
Honestly though since she has a "crazy" ex and his mom to deal with the best thing for you to do (imo) would be just try and stay confident in yourself and your new relationship when it does come out (I wouldn't push to make it come out, doesnt matter no one needs their approval) don't give anyone the satisfaction of reacting if the ex ever has anything to say... talk with your gf about if she is okay when/if he confronts her about it.... and just try to reassure your gf that he will not drive you away, tell her you realize how special she is and that's why your lucky to have her and he is just mad he realized to late so his sad attempts to ruin her happiness will not work on you!! And that if he tries to go after the child you will be there every step fighting back with her!!! It's sad that he can't just move on and allow her to do the same!
stupidboyfriend2022: No I fully understand why she’s opted not to tell him anything. She told me about how one time they broke up for a while and he enrolled at her university (to be fair it was close to his house at the time so that part isn’t really weird by itself), didn’t tell her, ended up in one of her classes, STILL didn’t tell her, knew where all of her classes were and where she hung out between classes, and then waited until they were waiting to be let into the exam room to make his presence known to her. So like. Dude’s weird.
I also often go over after he leaves her place so I hear fresh stories twice a week from both her and her mom about how he continues to act like an idiot. So yeah, I get it and I’m not going to push her. As long as I’m the one holding her at night and giving her relief from the nightmares (especially the ones that popped up with the pregnancy termination - yikes), I don’t need him to know about me.
shoulda-known-better: That's awesome she is lucky to have some so understanding and the honesty between you two here is amazing!! I really really hope you have an amazing Christmas with her! That promise ring and your reassurance will mean the world to her!! I know it did to me when I left my controlling relationship!! Just knowing it's only on you two to succeed or not will be such a weight off her shoulders because if she is anything like me she is terrified he will chase you away or make something up or literally anything the imagination was endless for me......and her feeling secure with you and knowing she will have you by her side if a custody thing ever does happen will be the best gift you can give!!!
Happy holidays and good luck to you both!! 😊 ❤️
| 10 | 9.2 | |
1669858639 | 1673374685 | t3_z9a8bv | t5_2to41 | 106 | static_candles: TIFU NSFW by saying no to my boyfriends kink
TIFU I (19F) and my boyfriend (20M) were making cookies together. He has a ddlg thing in which he fantasizes about me when I age regre (which is my way to respond to trauma, he's into it I am not.). We have sex a lot however he never brings ddlg into the bed room. When we were making cookies today he started to get all hot and bothered and started saying things reflecting that. I was getting into it until my bf called me "his kid". I paused before saying " no." Very plainly. He sort of froze for a second before laughing it off agreeing it was weird. The mood was killed and I don't think I can get it on with him knowing he might be seeing me as "his kid. ". Everytime I tried to bring it up he would avoid the topic. He went to take a bath an hour ago when his baths usually take 20 minutes. I think he's avoiding me and I feel like I should've just ignored him calling me his kid.
Edit: he told me he's been thinking of committing toaster bath for months since he and I started dating. He let himself out of the bathroom about an hour and a half after he went in there. He agreed he'd go to therapy though
TL;DR
My boyfriend called me his kid while he was horny and is now avoiding me after I told him it was weird
joannakidding: You have your boundaries and it's important to voice them when you're uncomfortable, you did the right thing.
LeonSK96: Right? He needs therapy and a church.
Sometimes Jesus is the man that will teach him.
Not you.
Please take him to the church so he can get over his porn addiction.
You didnt "fucked up".
HE IS the FU one.
thenerj47: Yeah! Or join herbalife, or that manson group. Any cult will do.
LeonSK96: I think it will be more helpful than joining a group with a guy with anger management issues in reddit.
Herbalife teaches you to persevere even though they have a really "toxic" way of pushing people to buy it.
If you lack the ability to separate mistakes from good things, the church is not for you. And that's ok.
The sons of God would be pursued everywhere, as said in the bible.
I sent the message.
My karma here may be bad but i'm living the american dream in real life.
thenerj47: If you lack the ability to identify a cult then you probably shouldn't suggest religion to people
LeonSK96: if you lack the ability to grow up´, don't try to help people.
thenerj47: Saying 'grow up' doesn't uncult a cult
LeonSK96: watching you bark like a poor dog does.
thenerj47: Ah thank god you solved religion
Inspired
| 10 | 10.6 | |
1669858249 | 1669945991 | t3_z9a2po | t5_2to41 | 18 | mermaidpaint: TIFU by taking 3 diuretic pills, not 1
I came home late last night and needed to take my meds ASAP so my brain would go to sleep.
I take 3 pills of my antidepressant for the right dosage. Normally I set up a week's worth of dosages in a pill holder but I have ADHD and sometimes don't. I had things on my mind, grabbed all of my pill bottles, counted out three flat round pills, took all of my pills.
I went on with my evening, started to notice my bladder was feeling extra active. I had two Sprites while I was out, okay.
I went to bed and couldn't sleep. My mind was racing and so was my bladder. I kept having to get out of bed, to the annoyance of the cat that was trying to sleep snuggled against my legs. None of the sleep videos were making me sleepy. I was worried, because I had a phone interview at 10 am.
It felt like i was peeing every 15 minutes. I thought to myself, on the 150th trip to my bathroom, that this was like I had taken a diuretic. Waitaminute. Did I look at the pill bottle? I realized I hadn't. Well, fuck.
I googled the effects of taking too many diuretics and drank some ginger ale for the sodium. Took my antidepressants and got about 4 hours of sleep. I think I did well in the phone interview. Went back to bed for a four hour nap. Now my sleep schedule is messed up.
tl;dr Didn't check a pill bottle. Instead of my brain going to sleep, my bladder went into hyperdrive.
LeonSK96: OP, are you still alive?
mermaidpaint: Yes! I took the right medication last night, LOL.
LeonSK96: oh ok
double checking...
mermaidpaint: 
| 5 | 3.6 | |
1669859800 | 1669907864 | t3_z9aokw | t5_2to41 | 8 | aUsedPaperTowel: TIFU by comparing a girl to Stiflers mom
So I (26m) matched with someone (30f) [on hinge and things were going really well we were talking about our lives and stuff we like and it eventually escalated to spicy texting and a couple pics shared between us. After like 1 day of knowing eachother she recommended this show I've never seen "White Lotus". So I'm watching the first episode and I notice that Jennifer Coolidge is a main character in this show. I then noticed that the female I'm texting looks slightly like her. Being a little under the influence of the devils lettuce, I just outright said that she resembles the actress a little bit but the girl im talking to is way more attractive lol. Anyway I said that and like instantly she said "I don't know how I feel about that one" and it's been a couple hours since she's replied to me saying I was sorry for making her uncomfortable. I guess I fumbled the bag fellas sorry dad's.
TLDR: told a hinge match she looked like Jennifer Coolidge and now im pretty sure im being ghosted 💀
professionalmeangirl: Um, Jennifer Coolidge is a *babe* and she needs to check her values.
raptir1: Telling a 30 year old she looks like a 60 year old tends to not go over well.
Marrsvolta: He forgot to include the word "young".
"You look like a young Jennifer Coolidge"
| 4 | 2 | |
1671692312 | 1671735669 | t3_zsf75k | t5_2to41 | 150 | Appropriate-Egg-2498: TIFU by not properly locking a frozen door
Yes the title is accurate.
Leading up to...:
I (17M)take care of my grandmothers house when she is away, by checking her mail, watering her plants, and making sure everything is in order so when she comes back she won't face any problems. I have taken care of her house for many years at this point and have encountered no major issues (some minor but not to this extent) thus far. 2 days ago (Dec. 19th 2022, Canadian weather freezing, -8, -10 degrees C) I checked up on her house and made sure everything was intact, however, only one issue was apparent that I did not account for when doing what needed to be done: her front door was nearly frozen shut and it was extremely hard to unlock. I finally got it unlocked after using much force enough for the key to unlock the door, in which I did everything that needed to be done and when I tried locking it, it seemed as the lock would not go fully in like it has previous times, but at the same time, it felt like it was locked as much as it could be. I left it and made sure it would not open.
Present day:
2 days went by, and my Aunt came over to sleep at my grandmothers place, she notices the door is half open... No critters seemingly got in, the temperature was cold (as she put it), and nothing was stolen (thank God). As soon as she got in, she made turned up the temperature and checked around to see if anything was apparently wrong with the house. At the time, everything was normal. She had warmed up the place and nothing had seemed to have gone wrong... Until some time later when she noticed water leaking from the dish washer and speculated that the small pipe connected to the dish washer was the issue. My Father (who is a certified plumber and has plenty of experience with pipes in general) claims that since the house was fairly cold and my Aunt suddenly heated up the house, that the pipes are in danger of bursting, and that small pipe connecting to the dish washer might be the start of a potential disaster which could cost my grandmother tens of thousands of dollars. I am not sure of the damage yet, but I can tell you I am scared for what might happen and knowing this is all my fault, I do not think I can rest easy. My Aunt confirms with me that everything is fine, but I cannot be so sure.
As well as this, a Christmas is planned to happen at the house in which all of this is occurring, which worries me even more. I am extremely disappointed in myself for not even letting the adults around me know about the issue with the back door. My parents exclaimed that I could not be handled with such a responsibility and have decided that it would be better if they took care of the house and made sure everything is in order. I also only go to my grandmothers house to take care of the responsibilities once a week, if this had gone on longer, this would have ended even worse.
TLDR: I go to my grandmothers house to take care of responsibilities, an extremely cold/nearly frozen door was hard to unlock and lock, I locked it in as hard as I could. 2 days later, my Aunt visits to see the door was half open.
I will keep updated on the situation.
UPDATE (12/30/2022): A new changes has been implemented to ensure a mistake such as this does not happen in the future. My parents have chosen to take responsibility in going to my grandmothers place and doing everything that needs to be done, which, let me say, they have not been on top of it as much as I would have expected them to.
ANYWAYS, the pipes in the house have not seemed to burst, nor were there any apparent issues from the door being left open. Luckily, nothing major has happened thus far, me and my parents will continue to monitor the house in case anything else happens.
Funny thing: my Aunt found a cat lying on the ground of the house, and thought that my grandmother adopted a cat (even though my grandmother has been away for several months now).
Myorangecrush77: A door locks or doesn’t lock. As the key won’t come out except in the neutral position.
If the door was locked, it sounds more like you’ve had a coincidental burglary attempt, than you messing up.
couchthievery: Yeah, probably someone noticed the house was empty as the grandmother was away and took that as an opportunity to break in. Burglars don't want to run into people when they're doing their thing so they will look out for signs of an empty house.
Appropriate-Egg-2498: My grandmothers house is in a good neighborhood, plus, my Aunt did not notice anything was stolen, the problem with however, is that she had never been to her house beforehand. This means I still do not know if anything had actually been stolen. A burglar attempt is possible, but I still do not know.
Theletterkay: If she is gone regularly from the house, she needs to get security cameras. Burglars love to find empty houses in nice neighborhoods.
Winjin: To piggyback on this, you can get a decent IP camera for 40 bucks. Or nearly free, more on that later, I mean stuff like using Android phone as a camera.
I bought Aqara G2H and it's selling for like 42 dollars currently - and it's got a bonus feature of being a Smart Hub, so you can also get something like a Temperature&Humidity sensor (something that could definitely help TS) and, like, door opening sensors or motion sensors - for 25 bucks each or something around that. Temp&Hum cost me around 25 bucks, and now I don't have to worry about our summer house that it will freeze or someone will be able to rummage there, and we will find out four days later.
If the burglar enters an empty house and has literally DAYS before you return, they can get everything you have. If they see cameras - they can choose another house altogether. If they don't see one or ignore it - well, you can call 911 immediately and they will be on set... well, faster than days, right? And you'll have footage for insurance company.
And if you don't want to buy a camera, but have an older Android lying around - all you need is a dollar store tripod and any Home Camera app like Alfred. I used that in my old flat and it worked flawlessly. Actually it would even ignore small-scale movement like my cat zoomies, but would notify me when my friend came around to feed said cat and water the plants. In the free version it would limit the screen recording to like five minutes and show me ads, but it was perfectly enough.
| 6 | 25 | |
1671680111 | 1671716984 | t3_zsazio | t5_2to41 | 191 | SamuelMashups: TIFU by putting Tiger Balm on my anus
I have been having trouble going to the toilet recently. I can’t seem to defecate properly. I contacted my doctor about the issue and he explained that I need to something on my refrain that will eventually ease the pain. He also told me to drink more water and increase my fibre intake. I never expected that taking a dump would be so painful, so I applied some Tiger Balm (half of my fingertip) on my rectum to provide relief. Unfortunately, I think the chemicals were absorbed by my body, and now I feel a discomfort in my asshole. I'm hoping that it was just a harmless side effect.
I've read online that applying Tiger Balm can be very dangerous, especially on areas where there are open wounds or near the groin. I'm not sure what to do, I've already put a small amount of the product on my hole, and my rectum is still burning. Am I going to die from this? I'm really starting to feel scared of what may happen next. Am I just stupid or has anyone else ever done this before ?
TL;DR: I put Tiger Balm on my anus after taking a shit (the amount of half of a fingertip), it burns so much lol
LurchSkywalker: So Tiger Balm can last for a few hours if you are sensitive. I sadly know this from high school locker room pranks gone wrong. I got it on my balls once, and it was a miserable 2 hours of recovery.
SamuelMashups: 
What type of pranks were you doing ? Lol
LurchSkywalker: Oh we used to put tiger balm in each other's jockstraps when we weren't looking.
Changoleo: Went with IcyHot.
iaincaradoc: I had access to a chemistry lab. Just a few drops of pure methyl salicylate in the right place(s) can radically change someone’s outlook on life.
No_Love_1353: Wasn’t that part of the Revenge of the Nerd’s “revenge”?
iaincaradoc: Close. That was “Liquid Heat,” and they stole it from the trainer.
| 8 | 23.875 | |
1671763131 | 1671765177 | t3_zt4aw5 | t5_2to41 | 12 | [deleted]: TIFU by accidently printing a copy of my conversation with a coworker which my bosses found it
[deleted]
NecessaryAd2036: Change your passwords... to everything! (Hint: quit logging into personal shot on a work machine.)
NecessaryAd2036: Shit! I meant shit
| 3 | 4 | |
1669861791 | 1669901783 | t3_z9bhaf | t5_2to41 | 96 | Shoe_mocker: TIFU by thinking my headphones were connected
This happened just a few minutes ago. I’m currently working on a homework assignment in my campus dining hall in which I have create a filter for the non-dominant frequencies of an audio file using matlab (coding software). As the title suggests, my headphones weren’t actually connected, so I’ve been playing a 2 second clip of dolphins chirping at max volume for a solid 45 minutes. It’s not exactly the library, but it’s still an extremely obnoxious sound to listen to for your entire meal. Nobody said anything to me until the people at the table next to me were done eating. They thought it was funny and were interested in what I was working on, so I guess it could’ve been a lot worse. I was this fucking close to choosing a fart noise as my audio file, thank god I decided not to be a four year old.
TLDR: Played dolphin chirping noises for 45 minutes on full volume in my dining hall, nobody told me and now I’m embarrassed
AcrobaticSource3: Usually when this happens on this sub, people are watching porn. Get up to speed!
Mode-Klutzy: Psh, What else is the internet useful for? Absolutely nothin 😂
| 3 | 32 | |
1671764397 | 1671768943 | t3_zt4ozv | t5_2to41 | 46 | Dante_Montag88: TIFU by Insulting a Customer's Child
This story takes place in about 2004 when I was half-way through high school. My step father, John, owned his own hardware store and I was the entitled kid who was forced to work there. I say forced because it wasn't my idea, but my parents decided it would be good to get some easy work experience before I entered the real world. It was a simple "This is where the screw drivers are..." type job, and I got paid minimum wage for 2-3 hours a few days after school and 8 hours one day of the weekend. It was enough that I could easily do my schoolwork and make some extra (legitimate) money on the side. Being an entitled jerk, I hated it and tried everything I could do to entertain myself without doing the work I was assigned.
More often than not, friends of mine would come hang out with me while I was working. We'd usually spend most of my 'shift' playing solitaire/minesweeper on the ancient computers (even at that time), use some scrap wood from the custom-cut jobs the store did to put together rubber-band guns, build gopher snares, or whatever else our dumb teenage brains could think of.
Now, being dumb kids living in a town with less than 3k people living in it, we got into spouting niche jokes that we repeated at nauseum. (Think, "Your mom," "Deez Nuts," or any joke that could be inserted into a random conversation.) At this point in time, our joke was, "Some people's kids...."
So we're sitting in front of the hardware isle, 2 of my friends and me, and we're joking and playing with the new fangled technology that is Microsoft's legendary text-to-speech. We were making it say various strange phrases, repeat foul words on repeat, and generally having a great laugh.
That's when one of the customers walked in with their little boy, maybe 4 years old. He was a regular at the store, and I'd seen him dozens of times, though today was special! He had brought his son with him for the first time. He glanced at us, smiled, and walked into the back to grab some horse feed.
As he was walking back to the register with his feed, however, I (in response to the text-to-speech program) uttered our current favorite joke... "Some people's kids..." and shook my head disappointingly as I glanced up and noticed him, and he looked up to noticed me.
The death glare was real.
Normally, any sane person would say, "Oh, no, we were talking about..." but even then, it wouldn't have made sense to someone who's known nothing but cattle and tractors their whole life. So we all froze...
And we all looked back at him... And he stared at us as he walked in slow motion with a bag of feed over his shoulder past us.
That loyal customer of my step father's never came back after that. That look of horror, disgust, and indignation haunts me to this day. I wake in the night thinking of that look, of how much of a horrible person I must have seemed to him, and how much of a blow to my step-father's business I must have made given the size of the town.
TL;DR I told a customer his kid was trash and cost my step father a potential life-time of business.
jharish: I don't think I get this one. What is the rest of that "Some People's Kids..."? I feel like that part is missing for me and I'm most likely not young enough to have heard this particular "joke".
mehgcap: It's usually said in regards to someone either doing something stupid or acting like an idiot. Someone walks around the wet floor sign, only to slip? "Some people's kids..." Accounting messes up your paycheck? "Some people's kids..." That kind of thing. Thus, seeming to aim that at someone's actual kid would make the father of said kid think his son was being insulted.
| 3 | 15.333333 | |
1669859496 | 1669911835 | t3_z9ak9v | t5_2to41 | 98 | [deleted]: TIFU by getting drunk and forgetting the seltzers in the fridge were caffeinated
[removed]
RudeSprinkles1240: Oof. That sounds really really bad. I hope you feel much better soon.
Ereaxia: So. My sleep-wake cycle still needs to recombobulate (thank god I'm not working), but the acute distress is over and that is SUCH A BLESSING.
RudeSprinkles1240: I'm glad.
| 4 | 24.5 | |
1671686428 | 1671786195 | t3_zsd8br | t5_2to41 | 312 | Pinto_bean_uchiha: TIFU by holding it in
This happened to me earlier today, but now I finally have a chance to type it out. I (26M) drive semi trucks for a living. Usually when it comes to stopping to use the restroom, I like using rest areas during the day and truck stops at night. I mainly do this because at night, I can park at the truck stop pumps and at rest areas there’s more open parking spaces. My FU began when I passed a truck stop driving through New Mexico and told myself “ehh the urge to go to the bathroom is there, but it’s not dire, so I’ll just hold it in.”
BOY was I wrong. About 10 minutes later, my bowls started talking shit and needed relief IMMEDIATELY. The thing about New Mexico is that gas stations, let alone truck stops, are few and far in between. The next rest area wasn’t for another 20 miles. Later, I see the exit for a rest area and yeet it off the freeway and sprint to the bathroom. While handling my business, I heard what seemed to be another person relieving themselves in the stall next to me, but it sounded kind of feminine. Later I see through the crack between the stall door and the wall a woman walk towards the exit of the bathroom. Then it hits me.
It dawned on me that in my dash to the bathroom, I must’ve failed to notice the sign and gone into the women’s bathroom instead of the men’s room. Now I had a dilemma. If I leave the restroom at that moment, I run the risk another lady walking in the same time I’m trying to leave and being branded a pervert. But also if I do nothing, someone else might walk into the restroom causing me to have to wait even longer until I know the coast is clear to make my escape. Luckily, when I finally said “fuck it” and decided to leave I was the only person in the vicinity. I was back to my rig, recovered from my mini heart attack and just drove off into the horizon.
TL;DR ALWAYS trust your gut feeling, even if you think you know better
ElectroStaticSpeaker: If you leave the bathroom and someone is walking in at the same time just say I'm so sorry I had to go really bad and didn't realize this was the wrong room. You haven't perved on anyone by walking by them at the door. Maybe it would be slightly embarrassing but no one is going to accuse you of anything without anyone else in there.
Rev3rze: Just feign surprise and say "hang on, this the men's room, no?" then check the sign and be embarrassed. Has happened to me in earnest, but that's how I'd play it off.
Jacktheforkie: I’ve done it, saw the men’s sign in the doorway but didn’t see the entrance around the corner and ended up in the womens
Uncle480: Happened to me at a Dave and Busters for my niece's birthday party where I went to the bathroom in a stall because I didn't immediately see the urinals (should've been my first red flag).
Then I noticed a tiny trashcan right beside the toilet and thought "Now that's weird, why would that be there... wait... *Oh fuck me!*"
Then I slipped out the stall, washed my hands, and I *almost* made it out with no one noticing me... until I saw my wife and sisters walking towards me. We exchanged glances, I just said "Yea I know, I fucked up," and then we laughed a little before they headed in and I headed out.
Jacktheforkie: Shit happens, you can’t see much in there anyway
| 6 | 52 | |
1671671630 | 1671712275 | t3_zs7rew | t5_2to41 | 7 | V_999_DVL: TIFU - I Became Obsessed with my First Ex and Other Girls in High School and Admitted It
**Context:** This story happened a while ago but I'm still living with some of the consequences. I'm not the best in social situations. I've never been diagnosed with ASD, ADHD, etc., but my birth was abnormal. I had a speech delay that required a speech therapist, I'm prone to developing obsessive interests, and I've dealt with several stereotypical behaviors ranging from ear popping to hair pulling. I was also shy because of events that happened throughout elementary school. I've transferred schools several times, so I haven't had a friend for more than three years, and am introverted. I'm not saying these quirks justify my behavior. There are plenty of people with similar issues who never did what I did. Instead, I'm saying that I'm more prone than average to developing obsessions, whether with people, ideas, or projects.
**How it Started:** When I was in high school, I dated my first girlfriend (Girl #1) for a short while. We got along well at first, but I became concerned when I was told a rumor that she was thinking about calling things off. We had just started dating, so I started focusing more on my behavior and hers than I had before. I stopped calling her and started asking her repetitive questions over text and in person. I was nervous around girls my age because of events in elementary school and multiple school transfers, so instead of directly bringing concerns up, I awkwardly tip-toed around them. Towards the end of our short relationship, it got to the point where I could barely talk to her in person, whether in class, in the cafeteria, or in text.
We broke up the morning of our first official date. Family and friends at work kept telling me she'd cancel, but I held out hopes that she'd show. Instead, I woke up to a breakup text. She said it was her, not me, but I was skeptical. I tried talking with her over the phone and in person, but she wouldn't. I started getting friends to talk to her, but that didn't work, either. So, I started asking around for info. I learned from a few people that she thought I was clingy. I cared about her interests and boundaries, and I wanted to know if the rumors were true, so I pressed more than I should have. I didn't get the chance to tell her that, so she interpreted my behavior as obsessively clingy. I hadn't developed any obsessions with her at that point, but that started to change.
My behavior towards her began changing two to three months after we split. I kept trying to get her to talk with me, but that didn't work. I started becoming obsessed over my problem because I wanted to know whether the issue was me, her, or a mix. She started getting closer than usual (from my POV) to one of her female friends. For a short while, I started thinking she was a lesbian. They'd hold hands, cuddle, and skip in the halls. I brought this up to friends (guys and girls who knew her), and they thought, "Odd... Maybe?" This changed once she started dating a new guy.
She had told me her boundaries and what she was comfortable with, but apparently, those boundaries completely flipped. All the things she said she didn't like, she went out of her way to do with her new boyfriend. I figured they were closer, but even some of my friends (guys and girls) mentioned her strange behavior outside of class without me bringing it up. According to one of her friends/ex-friends (a girl who used to hang out at my house), she had a history of strange behavior. They used to be close until Girl #1 insulted her to her face out of the blue. When my friend brought this up to her, Girl #1 said (paraphrasing), "I didn't say those things."
By this time, I started picturing myself, Girl #1, or us in situations ranging from hanging out to going to the movies. She had suggested we remain friends and we'd message each other once in a blue moon, so I kept a crack in the door in case we ever became closer friends or got back together as BF-GF.
When she made a Facebook profile, I started heading there infrequently at first, just to see what she was up to. I would check in on my friends once in a while to see memes or updates. Eventually, I'd go to her page once a week, then once a day, and at some points, I'd leave her page open the entire time I was using my computer. I'd have several tabs open, such as YouTube, news sites, etc., but one would be her FB page. In a way, it brought comfort to me at the time. I thought if I kept going to her FB and picturing myself or her in "what if?" scenarios, I'd get more comfortable being around her in our classes and wouldn't feel like my heart was getting strangled in my throat every time I saw her. My interest led to severe behavioral issues.
**When Things Became Toxic:** Like most teenagers, I valued personal connections and getting to know people. At the same time, I was also interested in developing closer, intimate relationships, but only in the proper context (i.e., getting to know someone, becoming friends and then best friends, entering a relationship, etc.). I was still growing, so my body was flooded with hormones that caused me to act arrogant and ignorant toward family and friends. Unlike most of my male peers, however, I wasn't entirely interested in girls, at least not in the ways my peers were. I wasn't attracted to girls from the waist down, so whenever I'd watch X-rated videos (like most of my teenage peers did), I had a hard time finding the content interesting. I had developed a strap-on kink, though in a way that made it seem real. The category is called futanari. I was basically BI.
Our friend group wasn't full of "popular" people, but it was large and connected enough to hear the news through the high school grapevine. Others at the school and in our group had peculiar kinks, ranging from Beastiality to BDSM. Some of us had personality quirks, so we were more open to each other than most. We'd have in-depth late-night conversations in person and over text about relationships, intimacy, Facebook, and memes. The idea of looking at people on FB had been floating around our group because someone brought it up to me during a late-night conversation. Also, this idea was in the school since several people (guys and girls) openly mentioned it in some of our classes when talking about relationships and attractive peers.
I kept her FB tab open during this time, though not every day. It wasn't a secret that I thought she was beautiful (I had told her and others this), but my obsessive interest in her and any potential closure I might get wasn't benefitting me. I know she had a busy home life and that there was some truth to what she told me, but seeing her behavior change almost overnight, plus remarks acknowledging her behavior from close friends, peers, and people who had known her for years, made me go down the same road over and over again. People, including some of her friends, had told me I was doing a good job while dating her (I went out of my way to message her and tried to visit her near-home sporting events, gave her some hand-made gifts and cards, etc.), so I felt and thought like I had to, that way I wouldn't make similar mistakes in the future. I had the info I needed, but I didn't take the time to sit with it properly. I'd think about her at least once a day, wondering if I could have acted differently and if my friends were right about her.
While my obsession with Girl #1/the issue grew, there was one girl (Girl #2) who I had been talking with. We shared friend groups and some classes and had many similar interests. Before things became toxic, I tried giving her my number and a little doodle on a piece of scrap paper but decided to give it to a friend (a girl) who passed it on. After the girl came out of the class, she said Girl #2 smiled when she received the paper. Girl #2 and I started chatting immediately, and after a while, I told her I liked her, but she got upset and began to avoid me at school and on social media. A month or so later, she laughed at one of my comments in math class and we started talking again. We remained friends (for various reasons, including issues with her friend group, our similar interests, etc.), started hanging out, and eventually, our conversations became personal.
After a while, my unique preference started appearing in the "what-if" scenarios. I started jumping between my browser's tabs, and this same behavior grew to the point where almost every girl I liked was affected, although my unique preference was only with Girl #1 (it may have spread to Girl #2, but this happened a while ago. If it did, it wasn't to the same degree). This happened over several months. I was obsessed with her to the point of fixating on her childhood, her teen years, and her current self. I wondered what her personality would be like because of these scenarios. This version of her was like an imaginary friend/girlfriend. I wouldn't call that love, but at the time, with the odd mindset I had/had developed, I thought that if I did this, I'd get comfortable or gain some confidence around them. That didn't happen, and it made my issue worse for a while. I could barely talk to girls my age that I liked, let alone ask them out, though I tried. I'd start shivering with anxiety whenever a girl I liked messaged me.
While Girl #2 and I continued to talk, I started figuring she wasn't interested. For one, she was taller than me and dated tall guys, so if I had any chance, it was very slim. Around the same time, I noticed a girl (Girl #3) who I didn't recognize. Our high school wasn't the biggest, and I hadn't lived there long (our family moved around frequently), so new faces stuck out. I thought this girl was attractive, so I asked a friend (a girl who'd invited me to hang out and smoke marijuana with one of her friends) if she knew her. Her expression became shocked, as if that was the last person I should be interested in. She told me a bit about Girl #3's rocky social history and warned me about her. Still, I decided to message her on FB. We started chatting, but I went too fast. We stopped talking but eventually started again. Our messages were casual, ranging from her watching IT to her experience with abuse. We eventually stopped chatting.
I started dabbling with psychedelics after learning about their ability to break toxic habits. I eventually managed to end my behavior, though I'd still visit Girl #1's page and the pages of other girls I liked on the odd chance that I'd work up the courage to talk to them meaningfully. I ended up having brief sexual encounters in person and over the phone with one girl (Girl #4) who I didn't know well, though the environment and context weren't right. She had personal issues on her mind, I was uncomfortable being with her (I didn't really know her and I turned down sex in person), and later found out she used me as a rebound. I didn't become obsessed with her.
Gradually, Girl #2's messages changed to "Heyyy," and she started describing herself in vague ways meant to stir emotions and the imagination, saying things like "My body is perfect." She had not sent these types of messages before, though we chit-chatted casually on and off when she was in relationships. We shared these types of messages back and forth for a short while, but something was off. I was comfortable around her in person (we had hung out at her house and elsewhere), but my obsessive behavior spread to her, too, though nowhere as severe as my ex/Girl #1. Although I no longer behaved the same way, I wanted to tell her what I did. I didn't feel right talking to her, knowing what I did, especially with the messages she was sending (she sent similar messages again many months after I confessed). Eventually, because psychedelics tend to make people more open, I admitted what I did to someone I knew, and word spread to the grapevine. I didn't want her to be hurt, but she was.
Here are some important points about what I did when thinking of the "what-ifs" during the toxic phase:
* I never pictured myself with my first ex/Girl #1 in any sexual way.
* I never pictured myself with the girls my obsession spread to in any sexual way.
* I never tried or thought of forcing myself on them in any way, even though I hung out with some of them. I had good friendships with several guys and girls in my area.
* I didn't make demands or try coercing them into a relationship. Some of my messages may have seemed pushy, but it wasn't in a coercive way. I didn't send these types of messages often.
* Whenever I pictured the others, it was strictly waist-up.
* Two other girls (Girl #5 and Girl #6) weren't spoken of in-depth because although I liked them, we rarely spoke, and my behavior spread to them the least. Girl #5 was part of Girl #2's friend group and knew about the girl who I smoked with. She (or her boyfriend at the time) sold weed for a while and mistook me for another well-known weed smoker in our area. We didn't really hang out, though she stopped by a friend's place for about 30 minutes. We had to air the place out after she left.
**Conclusion:** It's been a while since these events happened. I'm not proud of what I did. Personal issues with sexuality are not easy to talk about, whether informally or related to addictions and obsessions. If you're a teenager or in your early 20s dealing with similar issues, try to get help. Know that you're not alone and that these issues are more common than you'd think. People of all ages can develop these issues, but they can make folks, even therapists, squeamish, so it's not brought up often. Talk with someone who can be trusted, read Reddit posts for similar stories and advice, or watch or read Psychology 101 content. There are documentaries on YouTube and elsewhere about sexual issues that feature interviews ranging from porn stars and addicts to people who get very flustered (to the point of having to take a restroom break) after seeing a random guy or girl on the street. These issues are related to other addictions, such as drug use, meaning if you take the time to sit with yourself, you can weaken unhealthy habits and thought patterns and replace them with healthier ones. I've done this, and it's helped me overcome some unhealthy behaviors.
**To the people I've hurt:** If any of you are reading this, I apologize for what I did and what I've said. I don't mean to hurt people and I try to tell the truth when I can, but I don't always word it the best. This is why I've written this post. People like to say that actions speak louder than words, and that's true a lot of the time because it'll help you find hypocrites. I'll always try to keep my word when I can and correcting unhealthy personal behaviors takes dedication.
*Respectfully,*
*-V\_999\_DVL*
**TL;DR:** I (21M) developed an unhealthy obsession with my first girlfriend after we broke up. After a while, I confessed what I did, but not in the best way. Questions and DMs are welcome.
Orbiti_nats: Congratulations or my condolances, even the tl;dr is too long
gradxl: I too couldn't get through the whole thing.
OP, as someone who has been diagnosed with ADHD and struggles with tendencies that likely land me on the ASD spectrum, I can sympathize. I haven't had a situation as bad happen to me, but it easily could have. If you haven't already you should seek therapy, even if you think you don't need it. From the outside looking in I know I come off as probably just a little weird because I'm high functioning, and for that I'm thankful, but therapy has helped so much that I've even completely let go of obsessions that previously controlled my life. I hope the same can happen for you.
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1669863073 | 1669941975 | t3_z9bzqs | t5_2to41 | 60 | Prize_Secret_5815: TIFU by being honest
I have a supervisor named Vince and a coworker named Evan. Vince has had an unhealthy sounding cough for quite some time. Evan has spoken on this cough and the germs being spread. I’ve agreed with Evan about the germs being spread before, not thinking too much of it. Unbeknownst to me, Evan had spoken to Vince about their cough at some point in time. So during todays meeting, Vince allegedly made a dig at Evan about health. I did not hear exactly what was said but Evan took great offense to this.
After our meeting Evan asked if I wanted to be added to a list. I had thought it was about their side business so I agreed. I then asked Evan what the list was for and they told me they’d tell me later. A few minutes later, I then received a few messages from Evan saying they felt as if a Supervisor was being petty towards them in todays meeting. I asked Evan who they were talking about. Evan didn’t acknowledge my message but Evan said they had just finished speaking to employee relations and were advised to open a case.
Without thinking, I messaged Evan and told them I had been contacted by ER before. After a while, I did end up going by Evan’s desk and asking what was going on, Evan stated that they felt Vince had made a dig at them about being health conscious and didn’t think it was right. Evan then proceeded to share with me that Vince has sounded sick before I joined the job and that Vince should be working from home. Evan expressed their frustration with Vince regarding health due to their dependent being sick and requesting to WFH to take care of the dependent.
Vince denied their request but allowed another employee to WFH. Evan then shared that two of our colleagues were also worried about, Vince’s cough. I told Evan that I understood their frustration and I felt bad that they were unable to take care of their dependent and the conversation ended. I’m writing this several hours later, saddened that my honesty may cause me to be terminated, and even more upset at my ability to be blindly persuaded.
TLDR/ blindly agreed to be in a work investigation and implicated myself in the process
*edit I’m worried because our messages will be pulled in the investigation and that’s how I’ll get in trouble
Lidia70: If Vince's cough has been going on this long I highly doubt it's contagious. More likely it's a smoker's cough or something worse. When I first started reading this I thought that's what it was about; someone suggesting he get that cough checked out. Evan sounds like he is bitter over not getting to work from home. There may be an understandable reason why that was denied. If you can get out of this mess I would.
sansvie95: There are even medications that can cause this. MANY people who take Lisinopril for control of high blood pressure develop a horrible, wracking cough.
I was “fortunate” enough to develop the cough just as Covid was beginning to spread worldwide. The cough was so bad, it even made me gag while brushing my teeth. Sounded like I was for sure infected with something awful, but all I needed was a different prescription.
TheXMan98: I just found out 2 weeks ago, after 3 months of taking lisinopril, that the cough I have is from it.
THIS COUGH FUCKING SUCKS!
sansvie95: Ugh! My doctor at least warned me. Apparently not everyone gets the cough and those that do can develop it at any time. You can take it for years and suddenly develop the cough.
They switched me to Losartan and I’ve had no issues since.
| 5 | 12 | |
1669854471 | 1669903758 | t3_z98kgb | t5_2to41 | 20 | Think-Phrase-331: TIFU by writing my girlfriend as the main villain in my story
This happened a few years ago.
I always liked to write stories based on random things I see/dream etc. They will never be published and although some people have seen one or two of them, they will never be seen by anyone else but me.
A few years ago I told my gf at the time about this hobby of mine because she was my first gf and I was super attached to her and felt like opening up about this. She was super interested and asked me what I was working on and I told her. Many of my stories were lost/forgotten/left unfinished over the years but I will never forget that one, it was about a bunch of superheroes in a post apocalypic version of the wold west.
She was super intrigued and asked if she could be in it and because I liked her so much I said sure. The problem was that in my story everyone was set to die one way or another, some even twice and horrific deaths were on the line, like all of the man characters were going to suffer something bad at some point.
Now, I could've given her some secondary role or give her a cameo or something, I liked her too much so I said "NO! she will be important to the story", so I made her the villain and although she was going to die at the end, she would've had at least made it to the end.
She didn't appreciate it.
To top things up, guess who was the hero who took her down? Yours truly author of this post. If right nowyou're asking yourselves "why didn't you just reverse the roles?" well, because initially there was not going to be any big hero / big villain in the story, just superheroes chilling and killing each other in the wild west, but when the villain was added, she obviously needed someone to kill her, which kind of beats the purpose but I'm just telling you what was in my mind at the time.
She didn't like it, slowly distanced herself after that and eventually left me. Now, I don't know if that story was the problem but things started going south after that. So yeah I was heartbroken but still a badass superhero.
Tl;dr: I put my first gf into the stort as the villain and myself as the hero and killed her which (I think) made her break up with me.
ChattierCloud81: How tf you break up with someone over a story. How do you get that offended over something you *asked* to be in.
Think-Phrase-331: To her credit, my writing has always been pretty bad so that could also be a reason.
| 3 | 6.666667 | |
1669863604 | 1669890382 | t3_z9c777 | t5_2to41 | 85 | [deleted]: TIFU By Cumming at Work
[removed]
nooneinteresting-1: Im still thinking how a women got in to men's bathroom?
wannaplayterraria: Some places don't have gender specific bathrooms
nooneinteresting-1: Damn, that women is scarred for life. Walking in on a guy ejaculating geyser of cum. Anyway, if you cleaned up then there is no need to explain yourself to HR or anyone and just claim on her imagination.
If pressed, deny everything. You may also look for another job just in case
wannaplayterraria: "geyser of cum" - A wise man
nooneinteresting-1: Yeah, take it how you like it.
| 6 | 14.166667 | |
1670990126 | 1671068049 | t3_zlgqc4 | t5_2to41 | 34,493 | That_Apricot_322: TIFU by realizing my husband and I have been miscommunicating for years
Today I (29M) was talking at lunch with my husband (33M) and we went over the same subject we have unsuccessfully talked about for years. Please note that we have known each other for almost 10 years, lived together 5 years, and have been married almost 3 years.
So. We were talking about dogs and cats and he said that cats are "pretty good." Now, pay attention to that wording because that's the bit where we fucked up. Over the years I had been disheartened when he said things were "pretty good." From my perspective, he seemed to be emotionally distant and unenthusiastic about things. Everything was "pretty good," and said in a very mild tone of voice. So over the years we tried to talk about it with limited success.
Today when I asked him why he never seemed to show much enthusiasm for things, he was confused as always. He said that he did show enthusiasm because he likes cats. But. You just said they were only pretty good. This confused him even more. Somehow I managed upon the magic combination of words to get him to elaborate further. Usually, he would just repeat that things are "pretty good" but today he managed to lay out his scale.
Okay < Good < Pretty Good < Great
I have... never seen "pretty good" used in that place in the scale. I always place it below good. Almost good. Mostly good. For years we had been talking about things and I had assumed he was sorta "meh" on them because of this. I had to run damage control at a thanksgiving dinner one time because he said my mom's cooking was "pretty good." We have stopped watching TV shows because I thought he was only mildly enjoying them and I didn't want to be too much of a bother. I eventually just came to the conclusion that he wasn't very expressive and tried to place his responses in my own scale because he had such difficulty explaining it.
YEARS. I got disheartened when he said my dog was "pretty good." He calls *me* "pretty cool!" When I told him about my scale he was shocked He says it must be a Southern thing, though I don't remember it from when I lived in Texas. We compromised and said it must be an Arkansas thing (his home state.) We both began re-examining our interactions over the years. The thanksgiving dinner. Me explaining to my brother that, "no, my husband *did* really like that movie, he just expresses it this way." How he talks about my dog. All of it.
When lunch was over and I assured him everything was okay, he said I was "pretty cool" and got this horrified look on his face. He realized that from my perspective he had been calling me only mostly cool/good/etc. for *years*. I similarly realized I had been assuming he wasn't enthusiastic about things because of the wording. It was so embarrassing! I've encouraged him to be more open about his feelings and his happiness and just confusing him for years! I'm just so baffled by everything. It's good we're learning to communicate better but JEEZ. He feels really apologetic now, and I've tried to assure him that I just assumed it was like a jokey understatement meant to be kinda funny and maybe razz me a little. But no, he was entirely sincere the whole time!
We're trying to find better ways to communicate, but it's a process. He has encouraged me to ask him "what do you think that means" as a way of getting him to rephrase some of the things he says. Hopefully we can cut down on miscommunications like this in the future.
TL;DR
Realized today that my husband uses "pretty good" to mean *better than good.* I think it means only *mostly* good. Spent years feeling slightly disheartened and sad (which he feels bad for now that he knows.)
(Edit for clarification; we're both dudes)
(Edit 2: I talked to my immediate family. Parents agree with me but my brother agrees with my husband! I have no idea anymore lol!)
whateverathrowaway00: “What do you think that means” is amazing.
That_Apricot_322: Haha I think so too! I honestly never considered saying that because I thought that might come off as accusatory or aggressive, you know? It's good that he suggested it!
Doomquill: Had a similar realization after a few months with my now-wife. I would say something was "interesting" and she immediately assumed it was horrible. Like I was saying it sarcastically, like "that's an... interesting choice" but every single time I used the word.
I stopped using it, because she could not get over her automatic assumption that I was saying things were bad, and it was easier for me to choose different adjectives :-)
MrZX10r: I use interesting most the time as “ I don’t want to put any thought into what you said”
JDT-0312: We Germans get a bad rep for being too blunt but I much prefer the „no, that idea won’t work“ from German colleagues over the „what an interesting idea, we should definitely get back on that some other time“ that Americans tend to reply with.
tyco_brahe: Have you ever been bitten in the ass by saying "no, that idea wont' work" and then it turns out you were wrong and it does work?
I used to be more blunt "No, that won't work", "No, that's a bad idea", etc. It didn't end well for me, so I changed to be more open to others' ideas.
I found that if you keep saying bad ideas wont work, and they actually do work (even though they're bad) you lose credibility and people stop valuing your opinion.
GoldNiko: I've been shut down with the "No, that idea won't work", gone behind their backs, implemented it, and then it has worked and now it's awkward.
A better alternative is even "I think that idea won't work because..." and then justify it. Even, "that idea sounds decent, however it will..." sounds nicer.
AustralianWhale: The workaround is:
“Let’s try this first and if it doesn’t work, we’ll try this instead next.”
You never dismiss the secondary opinion and it saves your ass too.
Source: I used to do middle management
Firewolf420: This guy works
AustralianWhale: They need to teach a class to how to handle conflict/opinions in high school. Or better yet, how to talk corporate and navigate relationships.
It was very much on the job training handling corporate bureaucracy
RunninOnMT: 90 percent of stuff we learn in school we don't need as adults and there's a ton of stuff i wish i'd learned in school now that i'm an adult.
And we as a society are pretty much fine with this.
So weird (and also probably part of why i had such a hard time in school, the underlying suspicion that 90 percent of it was for nothing)
aloysius345: What’s even more galling is that my parents told me that, with even having gone to the same damn high school I went to, they used to teach basic life things like how to budget, manage your finances, do taxes, shop class would teach you how to fix basic things, etc.
That was completely non existent in the version of the same high school when I went there. They’ve sliced out even the few practical things that would really help in day to day life in favor of esoterica that will likely never be used again.
If I was a paranoid and cynical person, which I am, I would even go so far as to say it almost feels purposeful, as a population dependent on buying life skills as a service is more profitable, and kids who don’t know what debt can do to them are easier to fuck over.
| 13 | 2,653.307692 | |
1671770126 | 1671771651 | t3_zt6gys | t5_2to41 | 15 | theoisdemi: TIFU by saying yes to I like BTS and now I'm learning korean
TIFU, it was a couple of days ago but anyways. I was playing ROBLOX, and some random girl was asking people if they like BTS. I said, "Oh I have Korean in my blood so I feel as if I'm obligated to say yes"(I was scared to say no or have no opinion on them). They PMed me asking how it was in Korea. I've never been out of the States, so I said some random things I saw in a couple of videos on Korea.
They assumed I knew the language, I don't forget how to speak English, and it's my native language. So she is friends with me, and one of my other friends is also her friend, so I can't just unfriend her. So now I'm learning Korean, because I don't want to be a liar, plus I'm scared that they ever pull out Google translate or something. Dear lord I am butchering the language, why couldn't I just say no or ignore her?
I see her usually in the same game so at least I can avoid her because it's awkward being asked all these questions I have no answer to. I don't like lying either I was just super anxious to say no or I don't know a lot about Korea. So that's fun, I hate everything about this silly situation.
Anyways I know this isn't like top-tier TIFU content, it's more of a silly rant, sorry for the shitty English. Also, any tips on Korean would be nice
TL;DR I'm a dumbass who accidentally made someone believe that I know the Korean language/been there even though I don't know Korean/never been there because I accidentally said I have Korean in me. So now I'm learning it cause I don't want to be a liar.
Devittraisedto2: So your choice, rather than moving on from this random online person or being upfront about your lie
Is to just study a language because you lied
Yes, very logical
Your dumbass moment wasn't making someone accidentally believe your lie
Your dumbass moment was just studying an entire language because you'd rather lie than tell the truth
theoisdemi: Ik but I'm to scared what if they yell at me or something
Devittraisedto2: "Woe is I, worried about someone online yelling at me"
So what? It's a person on the internet you've never met, what does it matter If they scream at you?
If you're that sensitive, get off the internet.
theoisdemi: I usually don't care. But I do when it comes to my friends , and they know one of my closer friends so I don't wanna lose themm:(
Devittraisedto2: Should've thought of that before you started lying.
theoisdemi: I didn't mean to lie I don't know how to say no. It's one of the issues I've struggled with even online.
Devittraisedto2: It genuinely sounds like you're just a yes man trying to please your friends
It's that easy to just say "no" than to say "I have a bit of Korean in me and I know how to speak Korean"
Do their opinions matter that much to you that you have to lie to impress your friends? It doesn't.
theoisdemi: I didn't really say I knew korean they assumed it and I was kinda scared to say no. I actually do have a bit of korean in me, my father is korean, I don't know the language tho.
| 9 | 1.666667 | |
1671682599 | 1671732945 | t3_zsbw0n | t5_2to41 | 116 | [deleted]: TIFU by thinking my uncle changed
[deleted]
NungaFakeer: Meanwhile me thinking my grandma not throwing away her fridge from the 1960's is a hoarder.
moshthun: If that fridge still works, don't let it get thrown out. If it doesn't work, see if it's fixable. Old fridges were made amazingly well, and I really recommend against wasting them for more fragile newer ones.
NungaFakeer: She has two others. That one is a brand called kelvinator or something. Pretty sure all old fridges are not CFC compliant so it could be single handedly contributing to the 'hole' in the ozone layer.
GrimResistance: That's not how it works. As long as it's not leaking then... it's not leaking anything into the atmosphere
roomie1b: The Super bad stuff can be collected from the fridge and they can be recharged with a safer alternative too.
| 6 | 19.333333 | |
1671664941 | 1671680783 | t3_zs4yvm | t5_2to41 | 1,017 | idk_yael_ig: TIFU by chucking my baby sister head first into the ceiling
This happened yesterday. I(14f) was playing with my baby sister(14months) while in my parents room. My mom(39f) was doing work on her bed, while I was with the baby on my dads bed. My mother is an accountant at a big firm and works from home, so I try my best to be helpful and watch the baby when I can. My parents room is in the attic, so in some areas the ceiling is low and slanted. My baby sister, who’s name is E, absolutely loves when I throw her up into the air, or just move her around a lot. For a few minutes I made her “fly” in a game we call airplane. After that I proceeded to lay on my back and toss her into the air. E was absolutely loving it, giggling and laughing and doing cute baby stuff. After about five minutes of that, my back started to hurt, so I sat up straight and gave her a toy so I could stretch for a second. E got pouty and climbed on me, so I sighed and without thinking tossed her straight up into the air- or, should I say, straight into the ceiling. There was a loud crack and then pin drop silence. A second after my sister started to scream at the top of her lungs (understandably). My mother was quick to turn off her computer and grab the baby, comforting E and trying to calm her down. My mom berated me slightly for not being careful, and at that point my face was completely red from both embarrassment and guilt. E was fine aside from a bump on her head, but after some milk in a bottle and a few minutes of cocomelon, she was good to go. I know I’m super lucky that E wasn’t hurt that badly, it could’ve been much worse. In the end my mom wasn’t upset at me since all was okay, but my younger brother(12m) has been teasing me about it all day. He’s refusing to call me anything other than baby basher. It’s annoying, but when I brought it up to my dad, he laughed and said maybe next time I should try to avoid chucking infants. My brother even went as far as to photoshop a picture of me throwing my sister into a brick wall, with the words “Happy Hanukkah Baby Basher” at the top.
TL;DR I threw my baby sister head first into the ceiling, now my younger brother is calling me a baby basher.
Marrsvolta: The reason your mom is quick to forgive, is she and your dad probably made plenty of similar mistakes with you, especially if you were their first. Your brother is a 12 year old boy, being annoying to their older sisters is what they do. Overall I'd say it's no biggie.
MARKLAR5: Yeah but the sheer fucking commitment from a 12 year old to go Photoshop about the incident is just perfection
holdMyBeerBoy: Great future ahead indeed ahah
ShittyDJ: The one that didn't get dropped
| 5 | 203.4 | |
1671589165 | 1671645766 | t3_zr7jyz | t5_2to41 | 1,596 | tossthesoupout: TIFU by punching my pregnant sister
For a bit of backstory, I (F33) have a younger sister, F24 (we'll call her Dani) We also had a sister between us (she would be 25 now) and when I was 8, she died from SIDS. Almost immediately my mother was pregnant again. In her own words, "it's like God gave me a second chance".
Through our childhoods, I was given a very different upbringing. I was the one who got all of the second bests, all the mistakes so they could perfect it for their "second chance". I went to the school of fuck around and find out, whereas Dani went to a private school. I mean this literally. We were poor poor, and i went to shitty schools with shitty people where i had to fend for myself (I am autistic, late diagnosed but kids pick up on that shit). Our dad got a better job when I was 17, and with it came big money. I had the option of switching to a better school, but I was already in my final year and all my friends were at the low income school so i stayed. Dani was the golden child, and I was the spare. None of this was her fault.
Fast forward to me at 25, I fell pregnant to a casual boyfriend of mine (we will call him Shaun). He stepped up big time, and sincerely was my best friend. Our son was born, "Alex". Everything was good, and my parents adored him. A year and a half ago, Shaun and Alex were in a car crash. Shaun died, and so did Alex. The paramedics couldn't save Shaun because he had injuries "incompatible with life", to give you an idea. Alex was resuscitated, but he was starved of oxygen and is now severely disabled (limited mobility and very little speech).
My sister is 7 months pregnant. We all got together the day before yesterday, and while I was tending to Alex I overheard Dani say to my parents "aren't you glad God has given you another chance?" I was curious so I kept listening. They agreed, and I saw my mum put her hand on Dani's stomach. Dani also made a comment about how now they will have a grandkid they can interact with.
I went over and called her out. To my surprise she doubled down. I don't remember a lot of what happened because I was furious, but it ended with us both yelling, her saying my I never should've resuscitated Alex, and me punching her hard in the nose. My dad got between us and kicked me and Alex out, telling me to go cool off. I could only drive to the nearest mcdonalds carpark to cry, I don't like driving with high emotions because of the accident. Yesterday I had so many messages, my parents telling me I need to apologise for assaulting my sister and make it up to her or she will press charges. I'm so hurt and confused. I know I shouldn't have hit her but she literally said I should've let my kid die. That's something I have so much guilt for already, I know it was probably selfish to bring him back.
I'm sorry that this is so rambling, I don't know how to even begin to process this or how I'm supposed to "make this right". I would appreciate any advice if you've somehow been through something similar, I am feeling very alone with this but I'm also biased and felt I had to defend my son. I fucked up by escalating.
TL;DR : My 7 month pregnant sister said I shouldn't have resuscitated my disabled son, and I punched her. Now I'm likely facing legal charges.
Edit: I am well aware that punching her was wrong. I take full responsibility for that, and I don't deny any accusations that it makes me a terrible person. I will NOT, however, accept anyone saying that my son doesn't deserve to be alive and treated as an equal. He is a completely innocent party, regardless of if you agree with me or my sister.
Edit 2: I am about 5'2 and 60kg. I am not particularly strong, the most I can do is lift my son from his chair to other furniture. My sister is 5'8, I don't know how much she weighs, but she's always been into sports, even during her pregnancy. I didn't punch hard, and my parents have told me there is no mark. I am discussing with them what will happen, I will keep yous updated if I can.
Edit 3: copy and paste from a comment of mine, saying what happened in the fight. I block upsetting things out as a trauma response, so while I remember the course of the argument, I can't give perfect quotes.
"From what I can recall, I called her out on what she said, she doubled down. Neither of my parents would side with either of us, which made me angrier and I snapped at them saying they were out of line. Dani got defensive of them, to which I replied that they always side with her anyway. She asked what I meant and I gave some examples I think, and said they always favoured her. I also brought up the fact they were distant with their already existing grandchild, and how it's unfair to him. She brought up again that my son is apparently not good enough, to which I said he is disabled, not dead, and is worthy of their love and attention. This is when she said he was disabled because of being starved of oxygen and I shouldn't have resuscitated him. This is when I hit her."
Edit 4: Sorry I slowed down on the replies, I didn't expect so many people to answer. I've also been talking with the family and I have an update.
Dani will not press charges. I spoke directly to her and while her ego was bruised, she was not. She hasn't apologised for what she said, but I know I'm not going to be charged.
My parents... ugh. I sat them down for a long needed chat about everything. I told them how I was hurt by their actions through our childhoods, by their choosing Dani over me all the time, and most of all, agreeing that Dani's baby is a do-over. As soon as I had criticism for them, they got defensive and nothing went in. I stayed calm, told them how I feel, and let them respond. Long story short, they denied the unfair treatment as kids and called me dramatic for "bringing up old drama".
When it came to the comments about Alex, they said that they love him, but "he's just not the same". NO FUCKING KIDDING! I told them I'm not asking for them to put their lives on hold and I want them to be excited for the new baby, but they do NOT get to minimise my son. Some commenters have mistaken that he is brain dead. He is not, he is significantly disabled, but he is relearning talking and is doing fucking amazing, he loves to play, and he is the funniest kid I know. If they can't appreciate that, then they don't deserve him. I know there are milestones he will never hit, and I have mourned those. I will be thrilled when Dani's baby hits them, and I cannot wait to see my nephew/niece thrive.
My friend reminded me of something from early on in Alex's recovery. Dani said, and I quote, "it's hard to remember he's human sometimes." I was upset at this, but my parents minimised my upset and said that she only meant because he's so much less interactive, and he's like a puppy. I didn't agree with that but it was early days and I chalked it up to her mourning the life my nephew should've had. I completely forgot that she had said that, as much of that time is foggy for me.
I will not be spending Christmas or new years with my parents or Dani. My lovely friend invited me to join her family, and Alex is welcomed with open arms to join. I will be spending the holidays with them.
I apologised to Dani over voice message, saying I was sorry for hitting her but I hope she can understand that what she said was abysmal. She left it on seen.
ElectroStaticSpeaker: Whatever you do, don't respond to the messages acknowledging you hit your sister while she is threatening to press charges. Right now it's her word (and your parents) against yours. Don't change that dynamic.
You can easily claim self defense or whatever else if it really reaches that far. And are they really intending to press criminal charges against you? If so, unless you did some true damage to you sister, you need to excommunicate these people from your life. She was being a bitch and saying your child shouldn't be alive. If that's not asking for a strong reaction I don't know what is.
Still, hopefully you learn from this that hitting someone unless they are physically threatening you never leads to any positive outcomes. Just pour some beer/wine/food over head or something next time to make her feel humiliated without being physically threatened.
nighthawk252: You cannot easily claim self defense against someone when you were not acting in self defense, especially when there are two witnesses who can testify against you and also are your parents.
ElectroStaticSpeaker: You can easily claim whatever you want. Whether the parents and sister want to go through the effort of going to court and testifying in front of a jury that her sister hit her and try to put her in jail (unless there was actual damage done) I think is likely up for debate unless they are real pieces of trash. Additionally, unless there is actual bruising or medical damages or anything, I doubt you're likely to find a DA that's going to press charges against a family member because a few family members said so. If OP sticks to her story and simply says the had a family argument and they are making all this other shit up, without physical evidence, this case gets thrown out.
[deleted]: this is manipulative, equally abusive and seriously a fuckep up way of seeing things.
ElectroStaticSpeaker: So if your sibling tried to press criminal charges against you for a family squabble you would just admit it in court and take your sentence?
[deleted]: Yes, of course.
ElectroStaticSpeaker: LoL okay bro.
[deleted]: Just because you have no moral compass don't assume the entire world doesn't either. No, I've never weaseled my way out of my responsibilities. That's one of the things that distincts me from an abuser. Maybe you should try, it's actually good for the self esteem.
You got the "bro" part wrong btw
ElectroStaticSpeaker: Just because you've never been in actual trouble don't pretend to know how you would react if you were.
[deleted]: Next time maybe scroll down before talking?
But if you meant "never PUT YOURSELF in actual trouble", no, indeed, since I act according to said moral compass.
| 11 | 145.090909 | |
1669863696 | 1669868882 | t3_z9c8u1 | t5_2to41 | 15 | Aku-Aku-boogabooga: TIFU by unintentionally spending way too much at a whisky auction
I am whisky fan, but not a collector. I usually buy a couple bottles under $100 throughout the year, and a pretty good bottle worth a couple hundred once a year or when I go on vacation and find something nice.
Last week, my friend told me about this online auction where some nice whisky bottles were to be sold. I had never participated in an auction so it piqued my curiosity and I decided to have a look. Some of the bottles were pretty insane collector items and out of reach for me (many-thousand-dollar bottles), but a few were relatively reasonably priced. I decided to sign up and place some pre-bids on four bottles just for fun, figuring I would be out-bid pretty quickly as 3 of the bids were the minimum amounts, but still worth $300-400 each. Worst/best case scenario, I would end up with a pretty awesome bottle and a nice story to go with it.
The auction took place today when I was at work, so I didn’t really follow how it went. I hadn’t really planned on upping my bids as they were already a bit too expressive for me. To my dreadful surprise, however, I received an email this evening confirming I had won some items. Total bill : Nine. Hundred. Bucks. Two of the damn bids had held up and I was now the owner of bottles I hadn’t really wanted.
My first reaction was a happy surprise. I had just put my hands on expensive bottles for a fraction of the price! But then I started doubting. Something smelled fishy. I looked more closely at the bill to discover the hefty auction fees: 35% on top of the bids. Ouch. I then looked up the bottles I had won and oh! were they overvalued. I couldn’t believe that the damn bids held up. And that I now have to pay up.
I still have to go get the bottles and I can’t imagine having to put that amount on my credit card. I’m already thinking about the spendings I’ll have to cut in the next months to compensate for that huge expense. And I definitely won’t be participating in another auction anytime soon.
—
TLDR: I placed bids during an auction on whisky bottles I didn’t really want, not thinking I would win them. But I did. And now I have to pay up.
qawsedrf12: any possibility of simply not paying?
Aku-Aku-boogabooga: Good question for r\ULPT. I had to give my information at sign up so they already have everything they need to charge me.
| 3 | 5 | |
1671675736 | 1671679246 | t3_zs9crt | t5_2to41 | 60 | aaron-kun23: TIFU by accidently telling my boss I want to die.
TIFU by accidently telling my boss I want to die
It was earlier today but I still cringe at the thought.
(Sorry for formatting on a phone)
I was already exasperated from work because I had to work two departments today and he was trying to rush me. I seethed about it for an hour and went on my day just a little more mentally exhausted. I was doing a few things on my last hour, ready to go home when he accidently bumped into me and said, "Oop. I don't mean to run you over on purpose."
(Obviously a joke.)
My response was, "I really wish you would."
I internally screamed. I only meant to think it not fucking say it and he said nothing. Absolutely nothing...and we walked by each other a few times and again said nothing. I should have just said nothing or literally anything else. So now I live with the thought that he probably thinks I'm a freak for answering their boss like that...oh well.
TL;DR: My boss made a joke about running me over and I said I wish you did.
AcrobaticSource3: > My boss made a joke about running me over and I said I wish you did.
Don’t worry, maybe your boss didn’t interpret it was you wanting to die. Maybe he interpreted it as you wanting to have some sort of rough sex with him
MotoHULK: Definitely less embarrassing
| 3 | 20 | |
1669866572 | 1669942762 | t3_z9ddni | t5_2to41 | 45,610 | [deleted]: TIFU by forgetting about my butt plug
[deleted]
PlasticInTheBasket: She didn't lose it. Guaranteed one of her friends took it home
ReadditMan: "Look Mom! I found a spinning top at school!"
masterwit: Dranal, dranal, dranal
I make it anal play,
Dranal, dranal, dranal
with dranal school shall play
filthymcbastard: I hope you get the upvotes you deserve.
masterwit: It is okay if I don't. When one spins the dranal, one leaves it to fate...
dwehlen: Fuck that, pure gold gets pure gold!
masterwit: 👍
dwehlen: > Thanks and sorry for the absurd poetry. Remember kids are stupid but stupid is as stupid plugs
And it just. Gets. Better!
ketsueki82: Or butt-er?
PK_737: Spread it on toast
ketsueki82: I hear it tastes like shit though.
| 12 | 3,800.833333 | |
1671774540 | 1671797575 | t3_zt7qgv | t5_2to41 | 103 | eightoclockatnight: TIFU by not checking the date on my ticket
I can’t believe it. I’m legit crying right now I was really looking forward to the event. It was the live orchestral performance of the Nightmare Before Christmas. It’s been my favorite movie ever since I was a kid and I was thrilled to see the symphony near me doing a performance for it. Even better they did student discounts so I got my ticket for half price. Unfortunately I didn’t double check the date on my ticket and I was really sure the day was tonight (it wasn’t) it was LAST NIGHT. I’m so sad and disappointed I was so excited. They have one more performance tomorrow night but the tickets are now $75 and they don’t do the student discount since it’s literally only two tickets left. I’m heartbroken. I’ve been looking forward to this for so long and you’d think I’d be more careful about checking the date but no
tl;dr: I didn’t double check the date on my ticket and missed a performance I was really looking forward to
drrevo74: I did the same thing once for Hamilton. I ended up buying tickets for the next night and playing out date night like nothing happened. It was a $500 fuck up. It was a really good play but damn.
Buy the tickets and don't eat for a few days (jk). The only times I haven't regretted spending money I didn't have were when I spent it on memories. Also, the nightmare before Christmas is dope.
aussie_nub: I prefer to just sell a kidney than go without food but each to their own.
BouncingDancer: Cut out the middleman, eat the kidney.
TimeToMoveOn223: The organ meat is where all the nutrition is.
| 5 | 20.6 | |
1671771859 | 1671841602 | t3_zt6z43 | t5_2to41 | 89 | MariusIchigo: TIFU By baking a cake
We were super excited to bake but something entirely different came put of it.
My wife has ADHD and I'm undiagnosed but I got some other stuff like OCD etc. We function pretty good together and all but today was so weird.
I had planned to make a yule log chocolate roll cake for Christmas and I started very well. My wife got included and we baked the cake. Somehow along the way we ended up playing Pokemon on the couch for a while when the cake was cooling down.
Time to whip cream up.
The tutorial said: Warm up cream and add to chocolate, add cold cream and add it all in a bowl under ice water. We start to whip... its taking a while. Somehow we remember we have the "Whip Machin Press" (its a device you push up and down on to make whip cream)
Out comes the Holy device and we start pumping.
I go to prepare some other stuff and after about two minutes I hear my wife say "I made a mistake. I made...chocolate butter!"
We kind of laugh it off and I assumed she would toss it and continue the cream.
I walk off to set the stove on and take some trash out. Completely unaware of that my wife now had abandoned ship "bake cake"
When I come in my wife is in full butter making mode. She has a coffee filter and is draining the butter we made. The bowl of non whipped cream is still sitting out.
I start hysterically laughing, and so does she. I grab the rest of the cream and start whipping
"Forget about the cake am I right? No main misson here. Guess you're a side quest kind of chick huh"
My wife is now struggling to hold it together.
In all the chaos I've done goofed up and took the cream out of the ice bowl. I look down and realise....I've made butter.
I gravitate the bowl towards my wife and say; do you need more butter?
She's now on the floor laughing her butt off.
And to end this story.. we now have a little bowl of chocolate butter in the fridge. Lol.
TL;DR WE made chocolate butter instead of cake
Particular-Act2018: I started reading and got excited coz i thought you guys will have a fight coz fo the cake but turns out you guys had fun. I'm disappointed.
PK_737: Boo! Booo! Don't ask people to be miserable!
| 3 | 29.666667 | |
1670529312 | 1670599218 | t3_zg9k48 | t5_2to41 | 4,627 | PmMePicsOfConcrete: Tifu by making a foreskin cup
This story happened about a week ago but I was too embarrassed to say it
So basically I was taking a shower and messing around with my junk, not for pleasure just kinda poking at it at such, and I grabbed foreskin and held it up like someone would hold open a trash bag. I let the water fill up like it was a mini shot glass and then let the water drop. This gave me the brilliant idea to try to drink the water out of my dick like a cup came up.
The next day, ready to try my idea I brought a straw with me to the shower. I made sure to wash thoroughly, beforehand to not make my experience bad.
This is probably the time to mention I’m not the kind of person I do not piss in the shower. Not that I’m against it, just never really did it. But I was ready to drink from my new cup so I got the straw and held it in my mouth setting up my cup. And so I held up my foreskin above my dick like a trash bag. I let the water fill up the room and stuck the straw in there and began to drink very slowly(I was letting the water fill up as it went in or else it would’ve emptied too fast). As I was doing this I accidentally stooped my head too low and scratched my dick against the straw which hurt immensely and for some reason, my body reacted to this by peeing for some reason and. so I accidentally drank my piss because I was too slow to react to what happened to me.
After my body understood what happened I immediately started freaking out. I spit the straw out of my mouth and fell to a vertical fetal position on the ground. I Kept on using the water from the shower to rinse my mouth out and moaning in pain from my scratch.
Tldr tried to make a cup from my foreskin and ended up scratching my dick as well as drinking my own piss.
IRGeekSauce: But why......
grey_hat_uk: I remember my 14-16 year old self. The why is hormones and boredom.
I've had dice, pipecleaners and little ball-bearings in my foreskin. I do also remember trying to inflate it via a balloon.
That was back in the 90s though when Internet went on the household phone bill.
rapp38: The things us circumcised boys missed out on 😔
xTylordx: I've inflated my skin with a foreskin restoration device... That counts right?
rapp38: I’ve done the same :-)
tanaeolus: Wait, that's actually a thing?
NoMore414: It sure is! If you look up foreskin restoration one of the methods of restoring is a “balloon” method. I’ve been restoring mine for years.
jorddo612: Restoring it?? If you dont mind me asking, what the hell would happen that youd need to restore it with a baloon???
NoMore414: It is just a super gentle way of stretching the skin. It applies nice even tension to the area you’re trying to stretch.
| 10 | 462.7 | |
1669867770 | 1669910547 | t3_z9du2o | t5_2to41 | 49 | Kiwi218: TIFU by mentioning a post a made about my sex addiction
Hi, I made a post on here awhile ago about my ex-boyfriend pressuring me for sex. I wasn't having penetrative sex with him. He got mad about it and he dug around my past and found out about my addiction. I had a break up with him. And I moved on with my life. When I first posted on this subreddit I did not think that it would blow up to 3 million views. I just wanted to get everything out of my head. I got a lot of comments supporting me and for those who left kind words thank you so much. I also got a lot of DM's from people being very supportive. And again thank you for that. Now that's enough of my rambling.
Here is the actual situation. I was out on a date with a man. And I like the preface I do feel ready to start dating again and am in the right spot mentally. Now, this is my fifth date with him. We went to a bar, got drunk, and head back to his apartment. That's what I confessed that I'm a recovering sex addict and I didn't want to do anything sexual. And surprisingly he was super supportive. We ended up just popping a bottle of wine and talking into the early A.M. When I was in my second glass of wine after I was blazingly drunk. I confessed that I made a post about my addiction and it blew up. I described the post and he said he saw it on a Tik Tok. We talk some more and we ended up just cuddling in his bed. Next morning I kissed him goodbye when he was asleep and left for work. When I was in the middle of working I got a call from my mom. I haven't spoken to her in years. I honestly forgot that I have her number. She said that she got contacted by a man and told me that he inquired about my addiction. My mom didn't know I am a sex addict. Now my mom is not conservative by any means. But she's not the most sex positive person I've ever known. She berated me on the phone. It was horrible and I was transported back to my childhood. (I didn't have the best btw) I was in the middle of work. I had to take a break because I was so emotional. He's the only man that would have contacted my mother. And this was after my post blew up and all the hype died down. So I don't think it could be an internet troll or anything. My mom is a blabbermouth and told my whole family. My whole family has shunned me. Except for my brother and my sister. It wasn’t like I was in contact with most of my family either so I'm not that broken up about it. But I was close with one of my sisters and now she has disowned me basically.
I confronted him and he said he didn't do it. Which I know is a lie because I know his number because my mom sent a screenshot of the number that sent her the texts. I am utterly heartbroken because I was starting to actually have feelings for the guy. He still says that he did not do it. Part of me wants to believe him because he is so amazing and we just clicked. I don't know what to do. Any commentary would be helpful.
TL;DR My boyfriend contacted my mom about my sex addiction and now my whole family disowned me.
ZirePhiinix: What? Why would the guy have your MOTHER'S phone number after 5 dates? I think he's a stalker.
Kiwi218: I have no idea....that is why I am so confused. Me and my mom don't even have the same last name. But I don't think he is a stalker. I have meet stalkers and this guy is not one of them.
ZirePhiinix: Yeah, he's a stalker. No respectable guy goes and calls up a new date's mother and asks about her sex addiction. This isn't normal. Stay away from that dude.
He's just messed up. I get creepy vibes just typing that out, and it's Reddit.
ph4mp573r: I think it's more likely OP is making this up for attention. Even if parts of the story are true, the continuing need to post about it, and describe the ways in which the viral nature of the story have affected her, scream a need for further public attention on her sex life.
Kiwi218: I am not making this up. I don't have anyone else to talk to about this. I just don't. I don't have a therapist because I can't afford one and I can't say anything to my siblings about this because it is shameful. I can't call up my brother and divulge every single detail about my life. I just need to get my situation out on paper. This is all surreal. If this wasn't my life right now I would prob be in the same boat as you are. But this is my life and now I have no family I can fall back on for surport. My siblings that are stilling standing with me are in different cities. And the one sister that I was really close to and was in my city has now ostracized me. And this goes way farther then a need to get attention about my sex life. My whole life is in ruin because of this.
ph4mp573r: State run mental health clinics are free or on a sliding scale fee system. Please seek one out.
I'm not suggesting you're making up everything. But let's be realistic shall we? You say you're a recovering sex addict, but you're not in therapy? You say this is ruining your life, but you continue to post it on the internet after it's been discovered and spread across TikTok and caused you mental distress.
On some level you are seeking out this negative attention. Which if you have a diagnosis as a sex addict you know, as Hypersexuality is an expression of underlying mental illnesses which have a high "Need for Drama" - and yes that's the actual diagnostic criteria.
I fully believe you suffer from hypersexuality.
I fully believe you're estranged from your family.
I fully believe you continually find yourself in a pattern of difficult, explosive, or abusive relationships.
It is that belief that informs my absolute certainty that you're lying to yourself, or the internet, to continue this negative attention. The attention is just another way to feed the same urges that sex addiction does for you.
Go to therapy. You can't afford not to. Reddit is not a suitable substitute and you're just hurting yourself more by posting this shit here.
Kiwi218: I was in therapy from when I was 20 to about 3 weeks ago. (I am 24, about to be 25 btw.) Sadly my therapist retired. She suggested that I go to a different therapist. Me and that therapist did not click. I've had four other consultations with therapists. Either their prices are too high or discredited my whole entire addiction. I'm diagnosed with bipolar 1 and I'm on medication for that. And as you probably know, medications are not cheap. Hence not being able to pay for a good therapist. All my experiences with state clinics have been negative and that leads me to be hesitant. My story blowing up did not cause me distress at all. I was actually grateful it did. It gave me good insight. Bipolar disorder doesn't have “a need for drama” as you say. I don't like drama. And I don't think I'm lying to myself. I feel as though I'm very forthcoming. I've been in therapy for a very long time.I know how my brain operates. I don't think I'm lying to myself. I don't want negative attention. Attention doesn't feed the same urges that sex does. At least for me. I'm sorry if any of my comments toward you were construed as rude. I just don't like when people say I'm lying.
ph4mp573r: Try again. Keep trying.
| 9 | 5.444444 | |
1670001568 | 1670053060 | t3_zarrf0 | t5_2to41 | 4,754 | Smirkydarkdude: TIFU; By training my dog to pee every time she hears a zipper.
Ok… so a few months ago terrible tragedy struck and I lost my dog of 9 years to an undiagnosed heart condition. As I work from home he was my constant companion every day all day long. I loved that dog so much. His loss was soul crushing. I was ruined and completely unable to function.
My wife decided to get a new dog for me – Kessiee – just 9 weeks old and not really ready to leave her puppy mom. I was absolutely not ready. But over the past few weeks we have bonded and while she will never replace my old pup she has filled an empty black hole in my heart and the darkness has mostly lifted.
Meet Kessie. An absolutely wonderful pup just 1 1/2 pounds of fun and fluff. She will never be much more than 4lbs but she's such a bright little thing. I love her very much.
[https://ibb.co/DzCjHGT](https://ibb.co/DzCjHGT)
But that’s not the FU.
The FU came in training Kessie not to piss all over the house. Pooping outside was instant and effortless. But peeing? That's another story. We did the crate training thing. The pee pad thing. The shame thing. The treat thing. Kessie is only 1 ½ lbs or I swear I’d try a rolled up news paper. Just kidding. She’s so cute she can piss where she likes and I’ll happily clean it up just for a snuggle now and again. That said, it's an issue we needed to solve.
One night was really bad. I would take her out, walk around, spend ½ an hour with her – nothing. The moment we walk in the door she squats on the rug. ARRrrrrRRRRgh!
Finally in desperation we go out into the back yard. It’s private. Dark. So I unzip, whip it out and let go – saying “Kessie – like THIS!”. She runs over, sniffs, squats and pisses on top of my spot. Perfect. I was amazed. We ran inside, I gave her a doggie treat, praised the heck out of her and had a little puppy party of joy. Next night, we repeat. Again great success!
Every time I take her out, let out a bit of a squirt she runs over and pees. Such a good girl. Lately if I even start to unzip she squats and pees. Perfect every time. So much so that we can start to pick up the pee pads. She can have free run of the house at least for short times when we are home and watching. No more mess. Ahhh. Peace.
One catch. It has to be me that takes her out. Obviously. Because I can’t explain to the wife what’s going on and Kessie won’t do her business for anybody but me. But I figure she will eventually catch on. Right?
So some friends come over. They greet Kessie with hugs and snuggles and praise her. My wife is explaining what a good girl she is and how quickly she became house trained. When the guy unzips his coat. Kessie runs over, squats and pees in front of him and runs over to the treat jar waiting for her reward.
FML! Turns out I haven’t actually trained her to pee outside at all. I’ve trained her to piss to the sound of a zipper opening!
TLDR; I’ve trained my dog to pee on top of my own pee or even at the sound of an opening zipper.
Verbose_Cactus: Lol oops!
Keep in mind, small dogs tend to be much harder to potty train (teensie bladder!). It was supppper frustrating with my lil corgi, and at some points I felt like he would never get it. But he did. It just takes time and a lot of patience. (Don’t use pee pads, instead just pick her up any time she’s doing it in the house/interrupt her, and put her outside. Also let her out every 2-3 hours or so)
Dogzillas_Mom: With very young puppies, I take them out hourly. I use a training leash. As soon as they pee, lots of praise and treats and then I give an “okay go inside” command and gently tug on the leash. That’s until about 6 months old when you can stretch it out to every 2 hours and then 3-4 as they hit about 1 year.
Really, I just had to learn to read my dog when he’s telling me he has to go. But first he had to figure out that he has to be taken outside. Now he just pops up in my lap and nose boops me.
Verbose_Cactus: We used a bell! He taps it with his nose when he needs to go out now
Asognare: Whoa...
snogle: It's actually surprisingly easy to teach. Theach your dog touch, have them touch the bell before going out, they'll pickup on it quick.
Now, teaching that the bell means potty and not playtime....
throwaway37865: My childhood dog had a bell. She was a super bright Maltese. She would observe human behavior and adjust hers.
She very quickly figured out the bell we gave her meant outside. Within a week she realized that she could use it to ask to be outside, especially when she was bored. She loved it.
We started ignoring bell rings because they were becoming more frequent. She actually noticed that we were less likely to let her out with so many bored rings. She recognized it and created a new system where a bell ring and one little “woof” after signaled a potty. whereas just the bell was wanting to be outside. Smartest dog I’ve ever met and yet she was so small. My family joked we had a dog with a genius IQ she was that smart.
CactiDye: My cat is bell trained to go outside but she has started using it to try to get dinner. We have to walk by her food bowl to get to the back door, so she rings the bell then runs to her food when we get up.
We got some of those buttons they can push that say things so we can try to teach the difference between outside and hungry.
madpiano: I don't have a bell, my cat scratches the back door. But same problem, as the food bowl is there.
| 9 | 528.222222 | |
1671656881 | 1671754681 | t3_zs0xol | t5_2to41 | 758 | [deleted]: TIFU By calling my coworker ugly in front of the whole department
[deleted]
Nybear21: Just go to that person and say something along the lines of "Hey, when I was guessed as the picture it caught me off guard and I felt a little awkward, so I tried to make a joke off the cuff that I didn't think through. I know it came off weird, just wanted to apologize and acknowledge that it came out differently than I intended."
Part of building any career is learning to navigate awkward situations with coworkers. Just chalk it up as a learning experience, do what you can to help the situation, and then move on.
JMaccsAoA: Cringy
Nybear21: What is your proposal for a better way to approach the situation?
JMaccsAoA: Just move on. Why do Americans need to make a song and dance out of everything who cares.
Nybear21: If you've done something that seems to have made another person feel weird, I wouldn't consider it a song and dance to address that. Maybe it doesn't need to be addressed, maybe it will be beneficial to address it. Worst case is a small waste of time and effort, anything else improves the working environment. Seems like a cost-benefit analysis I'm pretty okay making.
JMaccsAoA: A cost benefit analysis on calling someone ugly by accident. What the utter fuck did I just read
Nybear21: An adult working environment. You'll experience it one day kiddo.
| 8 | 94.75 | |
1671466863 | 1671553482 | t3_zpvy1t | t5_2to41 | 365 | fubar22222: TIFU while having some adult fun with my wife
So, it’s the weekend. Kids are out of the house for a bit so my wife and I start having some sexy time fun. We’re both really into it. Things start getting hot and sweaty….. then the sounds start. Not our typical sounds, more like farts. Not queefs, but our sweaty bodies bumping into each other sounded like full on farts with every thrust. Like when you’re a kid making fart noises with your armpit or knee.
We pause for a second - WTF?, then start up again. The farts resume. We both break out giggling, pause and go again. More farts, and I just can’t continue! I break out laughing, we stop and cuddle for a bit then hear the kids coming back in. Sigh, time to get on with our day.
TLDR: sexy time interrupted by fits of laughter, cuddling. Cockblocked by our own enthusiasm
Mrcrispyeggroll: Get this shit out of this subreddit
fubar22222: Sorry friend, no shit involved. That’s not my scene.
It’s tagged NSFW. If this isn’t your scene, feel free to ignore it and read something else instead of shitting on my post.
Mrcrispyeggroll: Your post isn’t a FU. Mods need to clean this place up because your post and plenty of others like it are garbage.
Swed1shF1sh69: Jeez, you’re acting like your life’s been absolutely ruined by this one post. Well, Reddit probably *is* your life, isn’t it?
Mrcrispyeggroll: Admittedly yeah my comment came off too strong but you’ve gotta admit there’s a huge number of r/ihavesex posts that are here simply because you people are horny at work
Swed1shF1sh69: While that’s true, being overly hostile isn’t really gonna do anything to fix it. I tend to just report the post and block the OP.
| 7 | 52.142857 | |
1671773555 | 1671836708 | t3_zt7gnw | t5_2to41 | 13 | luv2gethigh: TIFU by unplugging my mini fridge
This is a TIFU of which the effects have not fully been felt yet, but oh boy I’m in for a terrible time. (TLDR at the bottom)
I have a mini fridge in my room, normally I just store booze and juice in it- its very convenient when I’m craving an ice cold beer or just any sort of drink.
The other day I realized that I had unplugged it from the wall overnight by mistake to make room for something else- but no big deal I thought, I mean after all it’s just booze in there right?
Wrong. I was so very very wrong.
You see reddit, it had escaped me that a few days prior I had bought a metric fuck ton of chinese food from my favourite take out place- and since I’m a lazy bastard I just threw it in my mini fridge instead of taking it to the big fridge in the kitchen. I’ve been super busy with work over the past month and it just completely blanked out of my mind.
So today, a couple weeks after placing the chinese food in the fridge in the first place, and after the unplugging incident I finally bought myself some cider and went to put it in my beloved booze locker. My mistake hit me like an uppercut to the nose as soon as I opened up the door- the odor was horrible. It smelled like a family of shrimp died in my fridge and was joined by a bunch of mouldy vegetables.
I immediately closed the door and even though the fridge is sealed, the smell is still lingering in my room. Now, I still have the task of cleaning this fridge out and I am quite literally terrified of having to breathe in this awful scent for more than 2 seconds.
tl;dr- unplugged my mini fridge over night, forgot about my chinese food, left it for a week and now it smells like satan took a shit inside of it.
ps: happy holidays folks!
shellevanczik: You will probably never get that smell/taste of your food, out of there. You can try activated charcoal and crumpled up newspaper, changing every few days. Wash it out with baking soda water. If it’s just for booze and beer, it might be ok, but forget butter or anything mild tasting. Yuck!
luv2gethigh: oh thank you! thats really helpful! I normally dont store anything but liquid in there so hopefully itll be okay, the fridge is also mostly glass shelving so I thinkk I can manage to get it all the way out with some baking soda! pray for me lol
shellevanczik: The problem is with all the components. Even the compressor is bathed in it. I do wish you luck.
luv2gethigh: oh boy. I dont know anything about fridges. thank you for the warning friend!! and merry christmas if you celebrate!
shellevanczik: Back at you!!
| 6 | 2.166667 | |
1669869536 | 1669924826 | t3_z9ehby | t5_2to41 | 954 | HeartyDelegate: TIFU and Dropped My Four Month Old Into a Garbage Can
TLDR: Tried to get the cat off the window still because he was wrecking the blinds and clawing the window still, ended up with my kid in a garbage can.
Obligatory “not today”, but just shy of two years ago when my (m28) kiddo (f2) was four months old. This story was heavily requested on another TIFU I commented on that reminded me of this ridiculous story, so I guess I got myself into this mess!
On mobile so formatting apology in advance.
Be me. Ultra tired dad of a four month old who was fighting eating, sleeping erratically (as four month olds do), and not pooping regularly.
I woke up after a decent night’s sleep for once, saw that my wife (f28) was still sleeping and attempted to sneak out of the room quietly so I didn’t wake her or the baby sleeping next to her. Kiddo woke up just as I was about to leave the room, so I scooped her up quickly and took her out of the room so the equally-if-not-more-tired wife could sleep in.
Got the little one’s day started with usual morning routine, and figured I’d pop on the computer and work on some stuff and she could sit on my lap and be a goofy babble baby.
Our Orange Tabby Cat was OBSESSED with climbing behind the blinds to sit and look out the windows. Only problem is they were the super cheap plastic horizontal slat blinds, and every time he wanted behind the blinds, he’s break the ends off, and because he was jumping straight up from the floor, was taking the paint of the window still with his claws.
That day like always, he hopped up in the window right next to me, and started to try and get behind the blinds, but I gently pushed him off with one arm.
He hops up again five seconds later, I push him off again.
For some reason, he was particularly obstinate about climbing up in the window, and I was not having it. This is also about the time our daughter was sitting up on her own, but not quite stable without assistance.
I reached up with both hands to grab him out of the window for like the fifth time as he’s scrambling for all he’s worth, and I must have leaned forward just the tiniest bit. I JUST get both hands on the cat, and my kid falls head first out of my lap.
Thankfully (in hindsight anyway) there was a small garbage can next to me that was filled to the brim with wrappers from lunches and snacks that she fell… straight into…
Kiddo came out with a little bump on her head, but no serious injury (fall from lap to can was maybe 8 inches and we took her to the doctor just to make sure) but my wife still likes to lovingly remind me of the time I tried to warm my kid up for a future in dumpster diving.
monkey_trumpets: Too funny. Out of curiosity, was there a particular reason you couldn't make the window accessible for the cat?
HeartyDelegate: We got him just after the kiddo was born. My wife was dealing with some pretty rough post-partum and wanted to get another cat. Bad timing. First kid so we had ZERO idea what we were getting into, not to mention our kid was PICKY about what she ate (natural nipple or bust) so we were constantly worried about and monitoring her weight gain. We eventually replaced the blinds with curtains. If I’m not mistaken, it was pretty much RIGHT after this incident 🤣
dsly4425: Reasonably sure you still have the kid and the wife, do you still have kitty?
HeartyDelegate: We unfortunately had to re-home kitty a few months ago for reasons that were not related to this story. He was stalking and attacking our German Shepard constantly. He was destroying/eating my house plants (some of which are very toxic to cats and I didn’t want the poor guy getting sick), and I even went so far as to buy a bunch of hooks and plant hangers to stick straight into the ceiling and away from furniture because he could JUMP. One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do was give him up… was best for his health and happiness though and that’s what’s important.
dsly4425: Aww. Well I hope kitty is happy in a new home. One of my current cats was a rescue return and she’s a great kitty. She was overly loving to a previous owner’s special needs kid, and didn’t get along with their other cat.
https://preview.redd.it/5w2x0extud3a1.jpeg?width=960&format=pjpg&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=33c0b9f565acb84820f219764ae56efb035c799a
HeartyDelegate: You and I both! He was the sweetest, loviest little cat, but every other day he was clawing and drawing blood on our German Shepard, and not for lack of the poor dog trying. Dog wouldn’t even defend himself unless given permission either so he’d just sit and take a beating. If my wife and I weren’t in the same room when the confrontation started it would get bad quick. No lasting damage to the doggo though so there’s a plus.
dsly4425: My girl didn’t mess with the big dog when my mother moved in with it. But she and the dachshund would sometimes play. Sometimes fight, never out to hurt each other.
| 8 | 119.25 | |
1671665198 | 1671685563 | t3_zs52z6 | t5_2to41 | 41 | Sangwooscvmsock: TIFU by eating dairy
I’m gonna make this quick. I’m lactose intolerant and I’m my head if I stop eating dairy I let it win. I know there are pills that help but I’m already on so many prescription pills I don’t need to take more.
Basically my boyfriend brought me pizza today because of a bad day. Just a shitty day at work. Literally.
Let’s say less then an hour after eating the pizza with him I was ready to blow up the toilet. It has NEVER been this bad before. I was butt ass naked cause the clothes felt constricting. Gripping the toilet too hard I broke a nail. Because of that I started crying cause it ripped at the cuticle. He comes barging in and his face dropped from the smell and seeing me in complete agony. Honestly I thought he’d leave and never talk to me again.
Instead he just sat on the floor and held my hand telling me to push. We were there for 20 minutes. I don’t think I can ever leave this man.
What a trooper.
TL;DR: explosive diarrhea after eating pizza. Bf sat and just let me hold his hand. Embarrassing.
justmitzie: Severely lactose intolerant here. Also on a ton of meds. Seriously, just pop 2 Lactaid caps before eating dairy. 5 seconds vs hours of pain and grossness.
Sangwooscvmsock: I refuse to let the lactaid be an option. I’m at war with my own ass and I refuse to let it win
RudeSprinkles1240: Do you go out into the ocean, go under water, and stay there because you refuse to let your lack of gills win?
Besides, cheese doesn't have much lactose in it. I think you're lying.
https://www.cheeseprofessor.com/blog/lactose-intolerance-cheeses
ElectroStaticSpeaker: I have a friend that has plenty of lactose issues when he eats cheese.
RudeSprinkles1240: I have a friend that poops cheese. Honest I do.
ElectroStaticSpeaker: Cool story bro do you eat it afterwards?
RudeSprinkles1240: No. I send it to Hickory Farms and they put it in a basket with a summer sausage, a tiny pot of marmalade, and a nice selection of liars' nuts.
| 8 | 5.125 | |
1671639239 | 1671724926 | t3_zrsl1w | t5_2to41 | 117 | zaxbysfan69: TIFU by watching breaking bad
let me preface this by saying this isnt a joke and if anyone knows why this is happening to me please tell me, i need answers. i know this sounds strange or crazy even
so i atarted watching breaking bad 2 months ago, i bunged the first season then ended up getting busy with some stuff so didnt touch it for a month. This month i watched the second season and ever since finishing it the voice in my head like all my inner monologue is in jesse pinkmans voice and has all his mannerisms and whatnot.
its not too big of a deal to me but it does get annoying because i cannot stop it, i dont speak like that and i never have but still jesse pinkman is in my head and i cannot get him out no matter what i do i cannot force it to stop in any way. it kinda gets in the way of work but not too much its just kind of distracting if anything because thinking to myself is all jesse. is there something wrong with me? am i mentally ill? please if anyone knows say something in the commenyd on this an answer would be nice maybe that make it go away at least
TL;DR: jesse pinkman lives in my head
nooneinteresting-1: It will pass, your brain is processing temporary chaos
zaxbysfan69: i hope it does, tho if you dont mind could you explain in a bit more depth?
nooneinteresting-1: It's like small dose of PTSD, you've encountered something that you didn't expect and it took toll on your brain. Your brain is now rewiring itself and when it's done, you will be back to yourself but matured by experience
garry4321: Thats not how brains work. The more he hears it, the more the brain is strengthening those pathways and reinforcing them. That is why PTSD and unwanted thoughts are so detrimental and difficult to get past.
nooneinteresting-1: I disagree, although thanks for all the downvotes .
garry4321: Well disagreeing with facts doesn't make them less true, so that's where the downvotes are coming from.
Youre entitled to have incorrect opinions though.
nooneinteresting-1: It just shows how many people have little to no knowledge about the brain.
I did not see any of your facts anywhere though.
Funny that you used entitled and incorrect in the same sentence - tells me enough about your personality.
garry4321: >It just shows how many people have little to no knowledge about the brain.
LMAO, did you major in Neuropsychology?
Because I did...
If you want to learn how the brain works and how memories are reinforced, there are some great primary school level videos for you to watch.
nooneinteresting-1: Oh boy ,are we back in primary school with the need to brag who's the best?
You seem like a "someone is wrong on the internet" person, it's funny as hell. Keep it coming.
garry4321: HAHA, youre so upset. Its ok to be wrong my guy, just own it; you're embarrassing yourself.
nooneinteresting-1: Ass ume whatever you like :)
| 12 | 9.75 | |
1671778950 | 1671780542 | t3_zt8xz8 | t5_2to41 | 9 | [deleted]: Tifu by trying to be sexy and shaking my junk in my girlfriends face
[deleted]
busherrunner: Damn you crop dusted your girl straight to the dome
deathanhonour: Point blank 🎯
| 3 | 3 | |
1669871032 | 1669872632 | t3_z9f0ym | t5_2to41 | 12 | bogonu83: TIFU by picking my nose on a company wide, all staff conference call and I didn't realize my camera was on.
Each morning the company I work at holds a 15 minute ALL STAFF company-wide conference call to discuss performance, health and safety, excellence nominations etc. It's a Microsoft Teams call with 200 people, some of which are joining via conference rooms with big TV's. Cameras are always off and a PowerPoint deck is presented meaning attendees are in a two by two row down the right side as profile pics alongside the preso.
Running a bit late I clicked join and then join again when it asks about connection details such as much mic, camera etc which are always muted and off by default.
Whelp it turns out the camera for what ever god awful reason wasnt off, and as I finish a good 'ol nose pinch thumb pick I see that my camera is on and that I have joined the call and immediately broadcast my nose excavation activities to probably the majority of the company in high definition premium pixel per inch clarity. Without skipping a beat I turned the camera off, left the call and proceeded to crawl into a hole to die.
At first I was like aw nah it won't be bad - but thought I better check (the meeting was recorded) so I played it back and I just about ascended to the next life in utter embarrassment at what I saw. It wasnt a one finger deep drilling job thankfully, but a thumb and index finger inside push your nose up pull down job, followed by a upwards single thumb pick on one side. The only good of it was I grabbed a tissue and dabbed my nose at the end.
No one had their camera on, so good old Microsoft Teams prioritizes people with their camera on so it pinned and spotlighted me right at the top alongside the presentation for everyone's viewing pleasure.
Im quite introverted and suffer from anxiety but keep it well managed, but I had to call my wife to come pick me up (she had the car) as I couldnt cope staying at work and was basically going into shock (I just started in this mid level management role a few weeks ago). I went back to work after a wife therapy session in the car. Everytime I talked to someone during the day I couldn't help imagining what they were thinking of this new 40 going on 4 year old that picks his nose on an all company call.
I don't know how I can go back tomorrow...
TL;DR Joined a 200+ all staff conference call with my camera, and ONLY my camera on broadcasting me picking my nose to laptops, computers and boardroom TV's company-wide.
Total-Khaos: Next time there is a meeting, be sure you do it again to assert dominance.
bogonu83: Agreed. Next time will use both hands to level up.
Total-Khaos: Just make sure both are above the table...
| 4 | 3 | |
1671782022 | 1671786549 | t3_zt9pja | t5_2to41 | 139 | Chocolategirl1234: TIFU by pouring a glass of Baileys into my own cleavage!
Finished work for Christmas (hooray!) and went for a few seasonal drinks wearing my nice ‘Christmas top’- low cut and lots of sparkles.
Not many drinks in (so fairly sober) I decided to have a Baileys (it is Christmas, after all!). Bad move! And in hindsight, given the outcome, just about anything else would have been better!
Since being an adult I’ve always managed to take a drink off another person without total disaster ensuing. Not this time…
So I was passed a nice cold glass, a double apparently (with ice) and missed the ‘handover’. How? No idea, as I said I’d not had lots of drinks prior.
Watched myself in slow motion as the entire cold creamy sticky drink plus ice poured into my cleavage! I screamed, everyone else cheered (I need to find new friends!) and I spent the rest of the evening with my boobs stuck together!
TL;DR I accidentally poured my drink into my own cleavage and spent the evening in a sticky mess
Gonergonegone: Have you ever drank bailey's from a shoe? Ever been to a club where people wee on each other?
Doom972: Is that a reference?
Gonergonegone: Yes. Do yourself a favor and go to YouTube and search "old greg" it's so insane it's hilarious.
Doom972: I just did. Thank you!
Gonergonegone: Find it entertaining?
Doom972: Yes.
| 7 | 19.857143 | |
1671781705 | 1671788909 | t3_zt9mqj | t5_2to41 | 38 | willjhc: TIFU by leaving my pubic in the bathroom on an open day inspection
So I'm 25 and I've been living at my parent house for about 4-5 months now.
They've divorced and want to sell the family home, I'm staying maintaining small things.
So last night I had a some drinks, cooked some dinner then decided to shave my pubes
In the morning I get an early call that the house will open for an inspection in about 1 hour
So i jump out of bed clean the bottles, clean my room smashed out the kitchen just in time and ran out of the house.
1 hour later I return to the house and walk into the bathroom and yes a lump of my pubic hair is sitting in the drain still.
I'm so embarrassed but I haven't stop laughing since
There was alot by the way.
TL;DR I forgot my pubic hair was in the shower, while the house was open for inspection
Savings-Table-9174: Don’t landlords have to give notice 24 hours in advance if they want to come inside/show the place off? Even for scheduled maintenance I think, unless it’s something serious that needs immediate attention
willjhc: my father is the real-estate agent...
Savings-Table-9174: A laws a law. But if you’re fine with it then no big deal
| 4 | 9.5 | |
1671651823 | 1671824993 | t3_zryo2y | t5_2to41 | 8,585 | [deleted]: TIFU by looking at my BF's spotify account
[removed]
Professional-Gur-210: Who the fuck labels playlists like that????
punkennial: View from a different perspective: I’m gonna start naming all my playlists different girls names just to fuck with my wife
aChristery: Do that and then make every song in the playlist Never Gonna Give You Up.
martiandrongo: I cannot even comprehend the genius of this
bobsmith93: She sees a playlist with another woman's name on it. Furious, she opens it up and proceeds to get Rick Rolled 17 times in a row
martiandrongo: While being reassured that he’s never gonna give her up
bobsmith93: And being informed that he will never let her down
uncle_tyrone: Additionally, it will let her know that he will never run around and desert her
leenapete: And he’ll never make her cry.
| 10 | 858.5 | |
1671785695 | 1671854614 | t3_ztanv4 | t5_2to41 | 1,728 | NeokratosRed: TIFU by pronouncing ‘Milwaukee’ wrong my whole life and sounding like drunk Super Mario.
Not a big FU but funny nonetheless.
I’m Italian, so I have only read many names of American places, without ever hearing them.
For some reason, my stupid brain always read ‘Milwaukee’ as ‘Milkauwee’, so every time I read it, in my head I went with a strong Super Mario accent: “MILK-A-WEE” (like: “It’s a mee, Mario!”).
So, many times when I spoke to American people, one way or another I slipped in the ‘MILK-A-WEE’ phrase — half-screamed in a Super Mario voice — when talking about states, but for some reason THEY NEVER CORRECTED ME. I always thought it was just a lame joke, based on the look they gave me, so I moved on.
Cue to few days ago, when I heard ‘Milwaukee’ pronounced for the first time. First I was confused, then… it hit me! Oh no… I was so embarrassed I wanted to bury myself alive. I must have sounded like a lunatic, just randomly screaming a nonsense word in a Super Mario voice. All those looks were not because the joke was lame, it was because they thought I was insane or something!
So yeah, now I have to get accustomed to the boring Milwaukee pronunciation and face many future shower moments where my brain will give me MILK-A-WEE flashbacks.
Tl:dr: Randomly screamed MILK-A-WEE with a Super Mario voice for years, now I feel like an absolute idiot.
PropheticVisionary: Anyone gonna tell this guy Milwaukee is also not a state?
Psych0matt: Did it get edited? I don’t see any reference to states
yanky79: 3rd paragraph, late in the first sentence. "...when talking about States".
Full disclosure, I had to go back to see where the OP referred to Milwaukee as a State after reading the top comment.
Topinambourg: "When taking about the States" means "When taking about the United States". OP doesn't think Milwaukee is a State.
NeokratosRed: ^(…I did)
Jokes aside, I just knew it was a place, like ‘Ohio’. Still don’t know if Ohio is a State or a city. State?
Terrible-Cod-2070: Wisconsinite here, we don’t claim Ohio as anything. It’s just a void placed in the Midwest
brinkv: Am I stupid? I swear Ohio would be considered east coast right? Lol
Mike2220: Nah it's no where near the coast
It's as coastal as Hungary would be Mediterranean
brinkv: Yeah I’m not saying literally on the coast. But I also wouldn’t consider it to be anywhere near the middle nor the western part of the US lol
papa-hare: Midwest is just the flyover country in the center region is America. Ohio is definitely Midwest. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Midwestern_United_States
brinkv: Oh yeah I wasn’t saying it wasn’t lol just don’t understand how it’s classified as such tbh. Or the rest of the Midwest for the matter. Most of it is closer to the east coast than it is the west coast. I don’t understand maps I guess lmao
Edit: did a little more research and finally learned that it’s because the west coast states weren’t a thing at the time of Midwest being created. So they all were western states, super cool
| 12 | 144 | |
1669873589 | 1670030700 | t3_z9fw0s | t5_2to41 | 12,210 | billmuskrat: TIFU by telling my gf’s three older brothers about how rough their sister likes it
GF (21f) will be moving in with me (29m) soon and just told her family about me this week. I’ll be having brunch with her parents soon but her brothers invited me over for beers at a dive bar tonight to get to know me.
Started off very formal with intros and us just getting to know each other. They weren’t very friendly and just and pretty much just grilled me for over 2 hours about how we met with her interning at my office, why we’re moving in together, blah blah blah. Finally got to a place where we’re just shooting the shit about current events and our lives.
Several beers deep and they’re finally starting to loosen up and we’re having a nice friendly banter going. One of her brothers starts talking about his ex and some of her harder appetites. In my drunken stupor I said “yeah man that’s nothing some girls really love for you to push them to their limits” so he laughed and asked what I meant and I said “ehh it’ll be weird if you guys know about that”.
We were all quiet and just looking at our drinks for like 45 seconds as they digested what I said and I’m realizing how fucking stupid I am. Whatever friendliness we were working up to is gone but now there’s this tense awkwardness. I offered to get the entire bill, they didn’t even thank me, and then we went our separate ways. GF is staying over tonight and she asked me when I got to my apt how it went because her family is super protective of her. I told her and she went white as a ghost. She’s still in disbelief over how stupid I am and said we’ll talk about it tomorrow.
TL;DR : met my GF’s 3 older brothers for the first time and drunkenly told them their youngest sibling likes it really hard.
UPDATE:
Once we were both up she wanted me to give her the full play by play on how the hell this actually happened. I told her in detail everything I remembered.
She called me an absolute idiot but I got her to laugh about it so I’m not in the dog house. She said she’s probably gonna avoid her brothers for a while because this is too awkward and embarrassing. She’s also grossed out they’d even bring up a topic like sex when they just met me.
I sent her oldest brother a text this morning “had fun, let’s do this again” and he liked the text so I might be ok with the brothers.
We’re meeting her parents tomorrow for brunch. She’s banned me from touching any alcohol when talking to her family. I was planning on being stone cold sober anyway. She said if I somehow inadvertently tell her parents about our sex life she’s going to stab me so additional motivation to be on my best behavior.
I’ve skimmed through some of the comments and a few of the PMs I’ve received so I wanted to touch on a few things.
- yes I know I’m stupid, this is TIFU. I’m not gonna post my brightest moment here. But thanks anyway for calling me stupid over and over again. I’m still shocked at how fucking dumb I was. Million ways I could’ve spun it and talked my way out of that hole but I just froze.
- I didn’t bring up the topic myself. I was several beers in and was just trying to go with the flow of the current topic of convo. Obviously blew up in my face.
- got some PMs calling me a pedo and a rapist. Makes zero sense given the definition of those two terms.
- yes she was an intern but she never reported to me. I had and have had interns report to me in the past and I kept those strictly professional. My gf and I just happened.
- why is she just telling her family about me now? She was nervous they wouldn’t approve and jump to conclusions like a lot of you have because we were still at the same firm. Now that she’s gotten a full time role at another company, we think it’s the right time.
I’m really hoping I don’t make a fool of myself with her parents and have to make another update.
PavlovzDogs: Well, that went from standoffish interrogation to 'guess how rough I fuck your sister?' real quick.
Pushbrown: This guy sounds like a creep, pushing 30 and dating a college aged girl, then pulls this shit? Definite creep
TheRecognized: That interned at his office
Edit: Also she’s either moving in suuuper quick or they met when she was 20 probably.
Warmbly85: They started as fwb so yeah. A 19 year old intern and a 27-28 year old employee. Dudes a creep.
Bil13h: When I was 21 I was dating a girl that was 29, what's the difference?
I worked for her parents
Nothing was predatory
Some of yall are weird asf and project quite a lot, she didn't even work under him
Da_zero_kid: Reddit morality police sure loves to infantilize adults, it’s fucking weird.
Beardmanta: My parents were 21 and 30 when they got married.
She absolutely wears the pants in the relationship and they just celebrated their 40th anniversary.
I don't get what's wrong or creepy about any of it.
JB-from-ATL: It's like a yellow flag. It's something that makes you go hmmm...
sassy_cheese564: Not even a yellow flag. People that make a deal about it are projecting and dumb.
JB-from-ATL: That's the thing about yellow flags. They're *maybe* concerns.
sassy_cheese564: It’s not even a maybe concern. How dramatic. It’s a 7 year age gap. Y’all are acting like it’s a 15-20 age gap.
TheHazyBotanist: >It’s a 7 year age gap. Y’all are acting like it’s a 15-20 age gap.
I like how you had to make the example 5 years to not seem weirder. Also, she was a student intern, about 19, when her superior admits to secretly banging her almost immediately
Edit: he's been spamming me with suicide prevention Reddit messages
sassy_cheese564: If it was an actual significant age gap then it MIGHT of been alittle odd. But it wasn’t.
Even if she was the same age as him and still a intern, there would still be a problem with you lot.
TheHazyBotanist: Then it'd be a much smaller issue. There'd still be possible foul play, but it wouldn't be so blatantly obvious. One is passable, the other isn't
sassy_cheese564: Then it’s clear the work role isn’t relevant. Only the age gap is. Both are perfectly ok and acceptable.
Both are consenting adults. And that’s all that’s actually relevant.
TheHazyBotanist: >Both are consenting adults.
Since this is literally your entire argument, would you be okay if she was 18 and in highschool?
sassy_cheese564: Yes because 18 is still an adult.
17? No because that’s a child. An 18 year old isn’t.
TheHazyBotanist: So you'd be okay if she was 12, so long as it's legal. This is your logic I'm using
sassy_cheese564: What? Did you see where I said if she was 17 that’s a child. As in anything under 18 isn’t ok and is a child.
12 isn’t legal
TheHazyBotanist: ..... So a single second determines if someone isn't a child? You'd wait a few minutes just to bang someone turning 18? Some places consider 17 an adult, other places 14, and so on. The fact you can't comprehend morality is concerning
sassy_cheese564: Just because it’s legal at 12-16 doesn’t make it actually ok. Still a child.
I’m not arguing over stupid fucking pedantics with you.
TheHazyBotanist: >I’m not arguing over stupid fucking pedantics
You're the one who said it's okay the second they turn 18
sassy_cheese564: Where did I say that? either way how is it any different to someone waiting the second they turn 18 to start drinking? Or to vote? Get a tattoo? Enlist in the military?
TheHazyBotanist: There's no abuse of power when it comes to voting or purchasing a product. Military recruiters, however, do take advantage of naivety. Every situation you've given is different, though, so it doesn't mean much
sassy_cheese564: Them dating and him just happening to be a boss but not the boss she actually deals with and reports to, the abuse of power aspect isn’t relevant.
If they were somehow in the same position but same ages you would still bitch.
TheHazyBotanist: There is an obvious case for abuse of power. OP says several times he would have been fired if she went to HR.
>If they were somehow in the same position but same ages you would still bitch.
I'd love to see you try to explain why I'd think that.
You can't even stick to your own arguing points. You change em every time i call out how braindead they are
sassy_cheese564: I haven’t changed any of my points but ok.
You’d complain for the sake of complaining. Like most of the people acting like this is a big deal.
I bet any personal work relationship no matter the ages or position would be frowned upon. Op saying if she went to hr, he’d be fired isn’t really a revelation.
TheHazyBotanist: You're incapable of explaining your own points when questioned
sassy_cheese564: I have literally explained them several times. It’s not my problem your too stupid to comprehend.
TheHazyBotanist: >your too stupid to comprehend
You're* (ironic, isn't it)
Also, you've done nothing but change goalposts every single time i criticize your argument
sassy_cheese564: I literally haven’t changed anything. Show me where?
Also if you have to correct someone’s grammar, you have no valid argument.
TheHazyBotanist: Every single comment you've made changes your arguing points
>Also if you have to correct someone’s grammar, you have no valid argument.
1. That's a dumb argument
2. You called me stupid while misspelling you're
sassy_cheese564: Where have I changed arguing points? And no it’s not a dumb argument. Oh no how tragic I didn’t use the correct ‘your’ how fucking pathetic are you?
TheHazyBotanist: Literally every single comment. At one point you say it's fine so long as they're legal, because they're 18. Then you say you didn't say that.... And so on
> Oh no how tragic I didn’t use the correct ‘your’
Don't misspell basic words when calling people stupid
>how fucking pathetic are you?
This is 100% projection
| 35 | 348.857143 | |
1669874410 | 1669917554 | t3_z9g4rz | t5_2to41 | 50 | [deleted]: TIFU by masturbating before washing my handsu
[deleted]
TexasRedJames1974: Reminds me of the time my cousin put capsaicin crystals in her brother's lube bottle.........and the poor chap tried washing it off with water ROFLMAO
ScarletteMayWest: Forty years too late and lack of knowledge of capsaicin or I would say that we have the same cousin.
| 3 | 16.666667 | |
1669874501 | 1669877873 | t3_z9g6ah | t5_2to41 | 35 | KalopsiaContrast: TIFU by drinking a brightly colored sports drink while I was sick
Warning: Vomit story
I currently have some sort of flu/cold. After being dangerously dehydrated and going to an express care clinic the nurse I saw reccomended drinking a 1:1 ratio of Gatorade and water with a tablespoon of salt. Some sort of DIY saline solution, she said.
Cut to a few hours later: I feel the need throw up for the first time this illness. I start to stand up to grab a receptacle and it begins... I never realized projectile vomiting meant quite so projectile until today. I was a Gatorade firehose, a sprinklerade. At one point I was puking so hard it was coming out my mouth, nose, and making me piss myself. Walls, floors, couch, blankets, chairs, cat. All stained red. Red dye and flem seem to bind quite well to each other... and everything else they touch. My rental has a fireplace with rough granite tiles around it. Apparently red dye doesn't come out of granite, so there goes my security deposit.
TL;DR: Drank red Gatorade while Ill. Now everything I own (or rent) is stained red.
TomUdo: Pics or gtfo.
KalopsiaContrast: Walls, floors, blankets, and cat have been washed or wiped down. Here's the stained granite
https://preview.redd.it/yb0bqbi1z93a1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=ca85502a898a0ad194b529c275619730678a507c
KalopsiaContrast: https://preview.redd.it/key0qd06z93a1.jpeg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=06e1dabed381113ee1eb2f66adfec0f1ebbd2ecd
Couch
KalopsiaContrast: https://preview.redd.it/d0425fjaz93a1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=64bd75710d16ee41410fc3b86d7943d92918590d
A corner of the granite I managed to miss.
TomUdo: You are a gentle soul and thank you for posting your misfortune. Made me 😂🤣
| 6 | 5.833333 |
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