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value | total_score int64 -564 194k | text stringlengths 52 58.9k | num_messages int64 3 160 | avg_score float64 -55.17 14.3k |
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1668715689 | 1668719114 | t3_yy04yt | t5_2to41 | 375 | CartographerSuper362: TIFU by drinking ginger beer on the highway
I started a four hour drive to Acadia early this morning (now you have a circle perimeter of where I could live lol). It was super early and I was incredibly tired, even with my Dunks and 6+ hours of sleep. About three hours in I felt ridiculously tired, but I knew there was a couch waiting for me and I didn't want to sleep on the side of the road. I had a cooler of drinks in the seat next to me, most of which were alcoholic, but I reached in and found a ginger beer, thinking the mixture of cold and spiciness would bring me to my senses.
After downing it, I felt better, but I wanted to know how many calories and sugar was in it (for those macros yk). I reached down to where I had tossed the empty can and picked up a mule cocktail can and freaked out. I'm currently on license probation following a negligent driving charge and even without that a DUI would be such a problem. As soon as I saw this I pulled over and conked out.
Next thing I know, a state trooper knocks on my window. I was already in Maine but they have state troopers up there too, with cars and everything. He asks for my license and registration, and I'm visibly upset and trying not to let anything on. He asks why I was asleep on the side of the road and I explain the whole situation to him, but when I reach down for the can, there's just a ginger beer can, nothing else. He was extremely cool about the situation and even gave me a breathalyzer test just for both of us to be sure, and I had not in fact ingested any alcohol, and I went on my way, but not without a lifetime's worth of trauma and anxiety.
TLDR: Thought I accidentally drank a cocktail while driving to wake me up
ThePragmaticGing: Why in the world would you tell a state trooper that rather than just stating you didn’t want to fall asleep while driving.
SaxyOmega90125: Probably the same reason you'd have a cooler in the front seat that contains mostly alcoholic and some non-alcoholic drinks and grab one of them *while driving*, then reach down and pick the can/bottle up off the floor to read the nutrition facts *while driving*.
CartographerSuper362: Reading nutrition facts helps me combat my inner demons on a four hour drive alone
SaxyOmega90125: I prefer putting on some music to direct my thoughts and keeping my eyes on the road and other vehicles around me so as to minimize my chances of killing myself and others. I guess that's just me.
| 5 | 75 | |
1668716579 | 1668723288 | t3_yy0irr | t5_2to41 | 16 | throwawayyyhelpmee: TIFU by randomly and unknowingly talking to my ex on a virtual meeting few days after breakup (help)
Throwaway for obvious reasons, bla bla bla, you already know.
Ever been dumped thinking that your ex doesn't love or miss you? You're wrong.
Yes, and let me be the living example. Trust me, you've never heard anything like this.
I am the dumper. Struggling more than ever. In search of happiness and a way to cope with this terrible situation, I stumbled across an app called Humans Anonymous, I then checked it out, downloaded it, and joined a meeting a few days after. Quick run down: Basically a meeting where people take turns to share struggles, get advice etc., whatever, you get the hang of it.
Anyways, during this meeting, I literally recognized the voice of my ex, I kid you not, I cannot make this up. He was talking about being dumped, on the verge of crying which got me teared up. The details he mentioned confirmed to me that it in fact was him. What are the odds? Universe, hello?
He talked for five minutes about how he thought his ex didn’t love or miss him anymore, and that he didn’t think she (me btw) regretted dumping him even one bit. Mind you, this app is anonymous, so he obviously doesn’t know I’m there, and I gave myself a random username to stay unknown.
When he was done talking, I made sure it was my turn after. And wow, I just had to. I tried to change my voice and accent while talking, and I basically told him I myself had dumped someone before.
I told him, and the others in the meeting for that matter, that just because you’re the dumper doesn’t mean you don’t regret doing so. Matter of fact, it doesn’t mean that you don’t love or miss that person either. I told him that his ex might very well feel awful at the moment, and that he shouldn’t take their silence as proof that they don’t care about you.
And then I said this, which I probably shouldn’t have: “Your ex might even be very eager to text you but tries not to for her to move on.” I said some more, but it’s ultimately not as relevant. He thanked me a lot for sharing my thoughts and even said that I sounded like someone who he’d love to get to know. How’s that for irony?
The meeting ended, a few days passed by, and I started wondering if he actually figured out it was me talking. It made me a little nervous, and I actually heard the doorbell at one point without expecting a visit. I’m so afraid of stuff like that, so I didn’t even respond…
Three days later, I hear a phone notification \*ding\*. Open my phone, look to see who it was from. Who? My ex. I fucked up. Help. What to do? 😬 I'm afraid that I'm not seeing things clearly in my current state of mind, so I would really appreciate any advice...
​
INFO: I have actually not opened the text yet. Of course I could see the first lines of it, wondering if I should show it to you guys?
​
TL;DR - I dumped my ex, still loved and missed him a lot. Joined a anonymous virtual meeting on some app, randomly met my ex there who cried and talked about our breakup not knowing I was there. I then responded to him as if I was some random girl and gave him advice. Not sure if he found out it was me. Help.
Revelation2217: Without knowing why you dumped him, why? If you still love him & miss him, did he do something to make you dump him, or were you getting too close and decided to end it before he ended it?
No context, it's hard for me to say, but with what I know at this moment, get back together and work it out.
throwawayyyhelpmee: It was just too toxic...
Maybe I just stayed with him for his potential, which is always a bad idea.
Revelation2217: Then stay away - Toxic will just drag you back in and waste more of you rtime. you will find someone worthy of you!!
| 4 | 4 | |
1668718809 | 1668790029 | t3_yy1gaf | t5_2to41 | 731 | twisted34: TIFU by dislocating my wife's jaw
As is customary, this did not happen today, but it did happen a couple of days ago, and I think I'm finally able to tell the story...just not to anyone I know.
So a little background first: my wife and I have a 15 month old toddler, and we recently decided that it would be a good idea to promote him to older brother. Our first time around things didn't go...as planned, so this time we wanted a different experience. After 2 months of injecting my baby batter my wife started to get a little annoyed, last time we were surprised to learn the consequences of our actions, and now things are again not going as planned, but in the exact opposite manner. She started reading all about fertility and how we might increase our odds: what foods to eat, what not to drink, how often we should go heels to Jesus, what time of the day is best, and so on, and so on. She discovered that it would be in our best interest to have sex multiple times per day when she was ovulating, and lucky for your boy here, that meant sex in the morning, afternoon, and at night.
As the day approached (according to her bloody tracking app), I reminded her that I am the farthest thing in the world from a morning person, and if she wanted that morning glory then she would have to entice me, because sleeping is damn near my favorite thing in the world, and I'm damn good at it (very heavy sleeper, takes a lot to wake me up). Now is also a great time to mention that due to my love of sleeping in, I've devised a way to make sure my ass actually gets out of bed and doesn't go back to sleep: I turned the volume of my alarm as high as it would go and put it out of arm's reach, so it basically scares the shit out of me first thing in the morning, and I jump out of bed just to turn it off. Spikes the heart rate a bit, but it gets the job done on early mornings.
So Friday morning cums around and my loving wife decided now was the time to enact one of my greatest fantasies in life, waking up to a sloppy BJ. She gets down to business and I'm apparently still sawing logs like a lumberjack, but she's motivated in acquiring that next bun in the oven. As I start to gain consciousness the thundering sound of my alarm shakes the bedroom, and as I reflexively begin to jump out of bed to turn it off, I hear a crack that would have made Mickey Mantle proud, followed by a scream that dwarfed my alarm. Apparently my alarm surprised my wife as much as it always does me, and as I started to move, she looked up, and took a knee to the chin like Chuck Liddell, only not as well.
After a minute or so I was finally able to calm her down enough for me to realize the magnitude of my royal fuck up, and attempt to put her jaw back into place. Unfortunately for her this wasn't the first time she had dislocated her jaw, but if there was any fortune in her favor this morning, it was that I am a medical professional in training and have learned how to locate jaws...in theory. After 5 or so minutes trying different manuevers we finally got a solid click and she was able to move her jaw back and forth with only some mild discomfort, followed by a few choice words that I absolutely deserved.
Needless to say my dick stayed dry the rest of the day, and every day since, but we will be trying again next month, just with more vanilla. At least we didn't have to go to the ER and likely explain to the police that I did not intentionally assault my wife.
TL;DR - wife and I trying to make a baby, she selflessly tried to wake me with head, I ended up kneeing her in hers when my alarm started blasting, dislocating her jaw
SuperSlims: My dude, I have got to know what kind of alarm you have that scares the shit out of you. I have three phones with fours alarms each. One is out of arms reach on the wireless charger. One I just out side my door and the other is right next to my head. And I will still get up, turn them all off and get right back into bed. So please tell me what kind you have because I'm desperately trying not to get fired for being late again
iLol_and_upvote: buy a mechanical alarm w 2 bells at the top and a hammer in the middle(like the ones in cartoons) . I guarantee after a month you will be trained to wake up 10 seconds before it rings to stick your finger between the hammer and the bell
SuperSlims: Had one, hated the thing, but sadly I got used to that one too. I have a problem.
Amiran3851: [OIRAN by Nemophila](https://open.spotify.com/track/65GsyWywSjH8jFNes15prd?si=df8_JEBgSma8No3_dXa4wQ&utm_source=copy-link)
Try this, pretty sure you'll be awake by the time she screams.
Jayjayden45: Omg I didn't expect to find a fellow Nemophila fan here!
Amiran3851: /wave
| 7 | 104.428571 | |
1668722820 | 1668723153 | t3_yy33oa | t5_2to41 | 12 | PenisGobbler83: TIFU by nutting inside a five guys burger, AT NNN.
[removed]
bongandarrow: why'd i read "TIFU by nutting in five guys" i was like sounds like a win king go off (or get off)
bongandarrow: k just finished reading the actual post and i'm scared now think that's enough internet for me on this thursday
| 3 | 4 | |
1668725066 | 1668808348 | t3_yy3z93 | t5_2to41 | 699 | AlmightyJello: TIFU by ordering 12 mozzarella sticks.
Basically, I had to go do stuff today and decided to get dinner while I was out. I decided to go to a place I hadn't been to in a hot minute and wanted to get some mozzarella sticks while I was out. The cashier tells me I can buy my normal 4 piece for ~$4 OR they have a deal going on where I can buy 2 6 piece sticks for $7. I'm a sucker for a good mozzarella stick. I take the deal.
Now here's the problem. I had wisdom tooth surgery last Friday. I figure it's been a week, and I'm not really in any pain, so why not? I should be fine to eat solid food again, right?
...right?
Halfway into the second stick I realize my mistake. My gums start to burn. My molars ache. My heart drops. Ill need every ounce of my concentration on this, so I pull over to eat.
Which brings me to now, sitting alone in my car in a Walmart parking lot on this cold winter evening. I've eaten about 7 of them. My jaw aches. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but relief feels so far away. I've been so focused on my discomfort and trying to chew exclusively with my front teeth that I no longer can taste my beloved mozzarella sticks. My hubris has led me to this moment, with no one to share my pain with but reddit and my 5 remaining mozzarella sticks. I need to eat them here, because they don't taste as good if you don't eat them immediately. I can't throw them away, because they were 7 goddamn dollars.
And I haven't even touched my sandwich.
TLDR; Thought I was healed enough after wisdom tooth surgery to eat an absurd amount of mozzarella sticks. Was not.
PossiblyMaybeNever: The mozzarella sticks sounded delicious at the start but reading about your potential dental debacle (dry socket?) made me think otherwise.
Can you reheat them in an air fryer, convection oven, or possibly even a regular oven at a later date?
Terrivel119: As someone who works at an Arby’s (Where this promo is run)
No. Maybe, but in my experience no. They leech some moisture out of the cheese and get unavoidably soggy. However comments are saying yes so maybe I’m just dumb.
JejuneEsculenta: Air fryer generally solves that quite well. 400F for 5 minutes or so is plenty to crisp up and re-warm them
Terrivel119: Part of my problem is that I usually just eat them and don’t have any left. It’s my wife and kids who leave a couple, and we usually fail to properly refrigerate them after, so they wouldn’t be good safe anyway.
JejuneEsculenta: I can think of nothing that would make them unsafe.
I mean, cheese was invented as a preservation method for milk. It ain't gonna go bad in a few hours. Especially with all of the salt in those bastards. 😀
If they were Steak 'Ums or something, sure... but...
Terrivel119: Well again, I work at a restaurant. My idea of “food safe” isn’t the layman’s version. I know it wouldn’t really be an issue, but some part of the back of my brain just doesn’t trust food that’s been left out.
DevourTheKing: This!! I worked at dominos for 7 years and while food service is never perfect on food safety I'm way more cautious than my roommates who haven't worked in food... they will eat meat that's been sitting out for hours and barely cold to the touch and I want to puke just thinking about it.
| 8 | 87.375 | |
1668726330 | 1668740730 | t3_yy4h55 | t5_2to41 | 5 | EditorPositive: TIFU by not making sure my earbuds were fully connected to my phone while I was at the mall
So I was at the Clinique section of the mall waiting for my mom and younger sister to come down so we could get ready to leave. I wanted to watch some TikTok while I waited and pulled out my earbuds to plug into my phone so that nobody around could hear what I was watching. I plugged them in and thinking they were connected, I turned my phone volume up and went to TikTok and a thirst trap was what I was watching. The person doing the thirst trap was talking dirty. Everything was fine and dandy….or so I thought. I didn’t realize it immediately, but my earbuds weren’t connected, which means that a thirst trap with someone talking dirty was playing on full blast. As if the fire wasn’t big enough, there was a worker vertical to me and they definitely heard the video. They even looked at me and asked me if I was ok. I answered yeah trying to play it off. They were giving me occasional glances until they left to do something else. Once the reality of the situation hit me, I was mortified. Moral of the story: make sure your earbuds are connected. TL;DR
ZirePhiinix: If you can't tell the difference between sound coming from your IN EAR earbuds vs from outside, you have some serious hearing issues and need to get it checked out.
EditorPositive: The thing is, it’s not even that I couldn’t tell the difference, it was that the earbuds were fully plugged in and I thought they were connected until I heard the audio, but at that point, it was too late
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1668733377 | 1668793716 | t3_yy6zu5 | t5_2to41 | 3 | Specialist-Pass-1940: tifu by celebrating my birthday with my friend
Well today is my 15th birthday. I decided to come on this app and talk about how I got arrested while the story starts out with 15-year-old me and my 16-year-old friend and i decided to go spend time together on my birthday which was a big mistake. We first went to one of his friends to get a fake ID to buy beer but I had to stay outside of the store so he can buy it. But anyways he bought it and then he said hey I got this cool spot I said. Okay sure but anyways we go there and first thing I see is a couple of nude woman and I said whoa. This is crazy dude and we decided to drink and watch. I took some photos. I'm not going to even lie but a couple of minutes later the cops pull up. Apparently some girls saw us and yeah me and my friend get arrested and my dad has to pay for a lawyer which I keep on telling him not to do and pretty much everything is a mess and the girls want to press charges
Tldr me friend drink with fake IDs. Get arrested for looking at women on beach and Dad has to pay lawyer bills
Major update me and my friend went to court. My friend is getting a lighter punishment because I said that I did everything. One of the girls was not 18 or older so I might be going to jail
tattookaleo: There's 15 year olds here...........?????
Specialist-Pass-1940: This app is for 13-year-olds and up apparently
tattookaleo: Haha nah I know, was jokingly sayin it. This place can be very toxic, I mean for anyone. Ive learned to stick to the right subs.
| 4 | 0.75 | |
1668734349 | 1668738404 | t3_yy7bh2 | t5_2to41 | 24 | Akirex5000: TIFU by accidentally stapling my thumb
This literally happened a few minutes ago and I think I’m still in a little bit of shock. So basically I was printing some papers that I needed for homework and once they were done printing I went to look for the stapler to staple them. Once I had it I opened it to check if there were still staples inside. But here is where the fuck-up happens.
I checked that it still had staples in it and once I did I closed it, without realizing that my thumb was still right in front of where the staples come out. I immediately regretted my decision when I felt a weird pain on my finger and looked down to find out that my thumb had now been impaled by a staple. I carefully but panickedly took out the staple and rushed downstairs to ask my mom for help.
She was surprisingly nice and calm about it and she basically just helped me wash my thumb and disinfected it before telling me where the band-aids were. Now I am sitting down writing this with a bandaged thumb because I thought it would be funny to share my stupidity with everyone.
TLDR: I accidentally closed a stapler on my thumb and stapled my finger.
(PS: I apologize for any spelling mistakes as it’s kinda hard to write with a large band-aid covering one of your thumbs)
Dawgy66: It happens, don't sweat it
Akirex5000: Yeah I’ve heard a lot of stories about people stapling their thumbs. I just never really thought it would happen to me y’know? Funny how things turn out.
Dawgy66: I drank gas when I was 3. I was thirsty and thought it smelled good so when I saw a gas can in the shed, I drank some and had to have my stomach pumped.
Weird things happen every day, ppl just don't always talk about it
lpotassiuml: At least you didn’t drink something in the chemistry lab
Dawgy66: Lol I learned my lesson
| 6 | 4 | |
1668748695 | 1668810082 | t3_yybxam | t5_2to41 | 152 | MonkishRaptor40: Tifu eating a burger
I’m gonna kill myself. I’m sat there at the micky d’s table and I’m eating my burger right? So my coach says the worst most undeserving laugh and I snorted as I swallowed and it got stuck in my nose. So then my reaction was to swallow which didn’t work abd then I blew my nose and the whole bite in a gross paste shot out every where. Everyone was there and everyone saw my cheese burger booger snot rocket and then it just spiraled from there. Stocks are down. Crush was there. This is my legacy now. It was on the window and my jacket and the table and I… idk. An emo Chick next to me lost her crap when she saw it on the wall. Kept a relatively straight face until then. My cheese booger broke an emo. Like… this is my legacy now
TLDR: crush saw me shoot a piece of hamburger I was choking on out of my nose
Skizzybee: Yeah, cute story bro. Too bad it's not possible, as told. When liquid comes out of your nose while you're drinking, it's the air pressure that causes it to go out of you nose if you laugh. Eating doesn't create that pressurized close system required to force food out of your nose.
Your should edit the story to make it a sneeze that forced burger out of your nose. That's possible.
Nice try, though. Very creative.
MonkishRaptor40: I ended up blowing my nose after I tried to swallow it and almost choked on it. Sorry if there was confusion I wrote it at 2 am and don’t know specifics only that I tried to eat a hamburger and it ended up coming out of my nose
Skizzybee: If you blew your nose appropriately, whatever came out would have ended up in a tissue or napkin, not on the wall.
MonkishRaptor40: Well see… I really didn’t think it would come out my nose. I was panicking and did the thing where you plug one nose and blow really hard to clear it but didn’t use a tissue like a dumbass.
Skizzybee: Yeah that's super disgusting. You're editing your story in the wrong direction.
MonkishRaptor40: I’m not editing it at all (except the thing I forgot to take out from when I told my friend)? I did blow my nose and it was on the wall and my jacket and me I just didn’t use a tissue like an idiot. I didn’t think a small detail mattered but. Felt it stuck and tried to swallow, didn’t work, blew my nose in a panic because I thought I’d choke and die, didn’t use tissue, chewed burger paste everywhere.
Skizzybee: So gross. Make sure you add in that you didn't clean it up. That's an important detail to your story.
MonkishRaptor40: I cleaned some but yeah I get I’m an asshole for not getting everything. Tried to wipe the window and it smeared.
Skizzybee: It's impressive how you can continue to find a way to make it worse.
MonkishRaptor40: I said it spiraled
| 11 | 13.818182 | |
1668751015 | 1668753670 | t3_yycl42 | t5_2to41 | 70 | Merlins_Bread: TIFU by not putting the loo roll away
Oh man this happened a few hours ago and I'm still chucking.
For context, I get coffee beans delivered every two weeks on a subscription plan. It's generally not quite enough to see me through the fortnight.
I went grocery shopping yesterday and bought, among other things, fresh toilet paper. But between a screaming infant, sleep deprivation and generally just being a bit "meh", I never ended up putting it away. While I was out, I also considered buying more coffee beans, but didn't, because I got an email from the postal service that my regular subscription delivery would be arriving shortly.
Cut to today. Still no beans. No biggie, I've got some spare time. I grab the infant and head to the café, notepad in hand. I stay longer than expected and have several coffees, more than I might usually. The infant sleeps. I wrap up and head home. It's a nice day, so I leave the front door open when I arrive.
That's about when the several coffees hit my innards. I deposit my kid in his cot and rush for the toilet. Now, my selection of toilet is based on immediacy, and just happens to be the one that opens into the hallway that runs direct between the front door and the lounge.
I do the necessary. It's messy, too many coffees combining with last night's burrito. I reach for the loo roll.
Crap, it's out. And the replacement is sitting... In the lounge.
I take a peek. The coast is clear, and the street beyond the front door is clear of passersby. I decide to chance it. No way am I soiling any clothing in the process. I discount bringing the hand towel: speed is of the essence. I bolt. I get to the lounge, grab the rolls, turn, and hear the worst sound in the world: my front doorbell.
It's my coffee delivery. With the postal guy who comes past a few times a week.
He kinda... Nods. Puts the beans down. Turns and leaves.
I think I have to cancel my subscription.
TL;DR I dashed to get more toilet paper and mooned the postal guy.
Lord_Cockwood: Why not wash up at the sink?
Merlins_Bread: Fit my large hairy backside into our 4" wide hand sink? You kidding me?
Lord_Cockwood: You really only need to hold your butthole above the sink. Or did your whole ass get splattered?
Merlins_Bread: 1) There's not room. Believe me.
2) This sub is not called "today I made a great decision".
Lord_Cockwood: True
| 6 | 11.666667 | |
1668756653 | 1668822898 | t3_yye4lm | t5_2to41 | 6,163 | dumbfuc21: TIFU by stealing over $1000 worth of food from the restaurant I work at
This is a months-long fuck up that came to a head today.
Six months ago, I started working at The Restaurant. The Restaurant is a small, family-owned place with like ten employees, myself included, and has a very laid back vibe. The owner, who I'll call Matt, has always been chill and honestly I've interacted with him only second to last of all the employees.
When I started, I worked the evening shift and was trained by the evening shift waiter, who I'll call Erin. Erin... didn't care a lot about his job. He had been planning on quitting for some time before I started, and re-declared his hatred for The Restaurant and everyone in it nearly every day until he finally did quit. As such, he was very flippant with a lot of things, and didn't put too much effort into anything unless he absolutely had to.
One of the things Erin taught me about were the discounts. Employees get a free meal a shift, military discount, etc- as well as the family discounts. A hefty discount, that one. He never explicitly told me exactly who counts as "family," but when I would take home some food for my own family, he applied the family discount to it. Now, my family loves to eat. They love the food from the restaurant. Slowly, I got into the habit of bringing home food almost at least once a week, possible with a combination of my employee meal and the family discount.
Some small part of me felt like it was wrong. Every time I bought food, something in me asked "are you sure you can be doing this?" And I always ignored it. But my family pressured me to bring them food and were offended if I didn't offer, and that spoke louder than that small part of me. The tenseness of my home life- which would take a long stand-alone post to explain- wasn't worth making worse by not bringing home some stupid food when they asked.
It's worth mentioning- the owners sibling, who also works at the restaurant, has applied the family discount to my to go order one time, and comped the entire order another time. So my belief that I could use the discount wasn't entirely built on shaky foundations.
Yesterday, I took home a bag of food. It was a particularly slow day, and my to go order was one of the only ones the entire shift. My orders are pretty similar each time, and I'm sure the owner, Matt, who cooks in the evening, recognizes it. For some reason, he was prompted to look at my order yesterday. I watched him walk to the computer, walk back, walk to the computer again and leave in a significantly more irritated mood than he'd been in earlier. When I went back to the computer, my order ticket was on the counter and the transaction had been pulled up- my added discounts highlighted in red. For context, what would have been a $45 order was only $11.
My heart sank. I knew immediately that I shouldn't have been using the discount this entire time. I fully planned on coming in to work today apologizing.
Matt beat me to it. He told me in essence today that he wants me to pay him back for everything I've used the discount on, and he offered to just take a little out of my checks until I pay it off. For some reason, I was thinking I would owe maybe $300-$400, so I told him I'd rather just pay it all off at once so we're square. Matt it notoriously frugal, and owing him money is the last position I want to be in.
Tonight, I did the math of what I might actually owe him. It could be anywhere from $1000-$2800, depending on how accurate my memory is. I am such an idiot.
Now, tomorrow, I have to go swallow my pride and apologize again and tell Matt I actually can't pay it all off at once, because I barely have $500 for my bills this month.
I should have never assumed I could use the family discount, and now I have to (literally) pay for it.
TL;DR: I've been using a discount I shouldn't have to buy food for the last six months, and now I owe the restaurant over $1000.
#EDIT:
Okay yikes lol, I literally posted this and went to sleep and honestly was probably going to delete this today but, Reddit. Just wanted to clear up a couple of things I've seen repeated in the comments.
For one, I'm not going to quit my job. I like the people I work with, I know the job, and I make enough to support my family and elderly grandparents. Also, been there and done that- I actually intended to quit a little while ago, gave my two weeks and everything, but at the last second I got cold feet and decided to stay. I realized all of the above, and I am grateful for having a pretty good job when I would otherwise be stocking shelves at Walmart or making Panda Express. Not that they're bad jobs, but the pay disparity is there.
Secondly, I feel the owner has every right to be mad. Like I said, this is a small family owned place. Over a grand is not exactly pocket money for a small business.
I fully intent to pay it back, just not in the lump sum I originally told him haha. I'm going to let him keep my checks until they're paid off.
#EDIT 2:
The owner doesn't want me to pay him back at all, he says it was an honest mistake and we're good. Thank god- I still offered to pay but honestly I had no idea how I was going to make it work without being late on rent next month.
#EDIT 3:
I'll go through and respond to specific comments later, I'm at work lol. Thank you to everyone responding, I posted this so everyone can confirm that I'm an idiot asshole, not for advice, but I appreciate those taking the time to give me advice nonetheless.
Ill-Breadfruit5356: I would explain to him exactly how you came to be doing what you did. He was probably angry when he first saw it and will have calmed down. The discounts that other employees, including his family, have given to you should not be blamed on you. He will probably be more reasonable after he’s had time to think on what’s happened
Northstar1989: Not only that, but he's probably actually PROFITING off this arrangement (it should be a thing if it wasn't already, because he's almost certainly making money off it).
If the orders are going in at slow times, when the staff wouldn't otherwise be busy (likely, as the OP is likely timing them that way to go easier on his coworkers) then it's adding literally nothing to marginal labor costs. So those, the #1 cost in any restaurant meal, are essentially zero.
As for the ingredients, the post-discount cost is almost certainly still higher than them. Restaurants buy ingredients in bulk, after all.
And, on top of that, the OP clearly wouldn't be buying the meals at all if not for the discounts. It's clear he couldn't otherwise afford it.
So, all in all, the restaurant owner is making money off these transactions. The staff TOLD the OP he had a discount. The owner's own brother applied the discount before.
**Bottom Line: this wasn't stealing, and the owner was making a profit off it, to boot. The OP should respectfully explain how he was reoeatedly told he had this discount, but he absolutely shouldn't be required to pay it back. The owner is profiting off this, and likely knows it (may even just be trying to screw the OP out of a bunch of money before firing him "for cause" for a BS reason, so he doesn't have to pay unemployment, if he was looking to cut staffing levels anyways...) If the owner tries to fire him, he likely planned to anyways, and OP should consider legal action. **
ApizzaApizza: >As for the ingredients, the post-discount cost is almost certainly still higher than them. Restaurants buy ingredients in bulk after all.
Lol. How cheap do you think stuff is? Because it’s not that cheap.
“Good” restaurant profit margins are like 30%. He isn’t making any money if he’s giving $2800 in discounts to one person over a few months.
Northstar1989: >Good” restaurant profit margins are like 30%.
Usually less than that.
But 40-50% of cost is labor. 30-40% is overhead. Only 20% or so is ingredients, typically.
Employee meals are usually handled in such a way that their *MARGINAL* cost to the employer in labor and overhead is zero or near-zero (if you don't know what the term "Marginal Cost" means you, respectfully, don't know enough to be debating this, and should either take my word or go educate yourself on the subject).
So, it's just materials cost: which is usually around 20%. I.e. $9-$10 on a $45 order. Not coincidentally, what he was being charged with the discount.
If you really want to nitpick, Marginal Materials Cost would be even less, as there are Economies of Scale from buying more ingredients. I.e. you can purchase less-used ingredients in larger quantities, which usually have lower unit prices, and there is less chance of anything getting old and needing to be thrown out before it's used.
redtiber: people here don't understand how to run a business nor do they understand even econ 101 haha
but 100% agree- if it's a standard restaurant the restaurant should not lose money on a family/employee discount unless it's horribly mismanaged or op picked specifically items with high costs (which based on the context not happening) if it's losing money the restaurant is horribly mismanaged.
most costs for the restaurant are already fixed. the rent/utilities/labor is already happening regardless of whether op orders food or not. so the only real cost is the food cost, and 9-10$ buys a lot of food in bulk.
babybluefish: Is it not obvious this employee meal & family discount plan is not only poorly managed but not managed at all?!
Northstar1989: Yes, but that doesn't change the fundamental facts that almost all costs are fixed, as the comment above describes, and $11 buys a MASSIVE amount of food in bulk...
babybluefish: No it doesn't
and ... it removes that inventory from retail sale
so the owner's investment isn't bringing a market return which is reducing revenue, earnings, profit ... it's a poor return on his investment
this is really ridiculous
Northstar1989: > it removes that inventory from retail sale
You don't think restaurants buy ingredients in bulk, and have several days' supplies built up?
Frankly, you have no idea what you're talking. I do. I worked at a restaurant, and one of my job tasks was hauling ingredients out of the freezer for the chefs on occasion.
Restaurants always keep a multi-day supply of ingredients, and adjust purchase volumes so they never run out.
A recurring purchase of probably the exact same meal every time the OP worked is the ideal, best-case scenario for logistics. No opportunities were lost, no ingredients went to waste.
| 10 | 616.3 | |
1668760672 | 1668961366 | t3_yyf5ky | t5_2to41 | 8 | [deleted]: TIFU by asking out the girl I was interested in when she already has a boyfriend
[deleted]
DingoLaChien: Oof, sorry, man! Thats harsh! But conversely, She was probably letting you down, nicely. It's better than a flat no, but I agree with the other person, you need to move on. Don't let the negative thoughts fester, too long, it just turns you bitter. Take the hard lesson and learn what you can from your mistakes and move on to the next. Good luck!!
GarfunkleJizz: Letting someone down nicely is saying “sorry no” not making them think you like them😂
DingoLaChien: Giving the boyfriend excuse hopefully also breaks any thoughts of, she said no, but she's not seeing anyone, so I'm choosing to hear a maybe. The boyfriend excuse gives no mental wiggle room. Just spitballin' here.
| 4 | 2 | |
1668763761 | 1668771939 | t3_yyfxqw | t5_2to41 | -19 | [deleted]: TIFU By throwing away my dad's meth
[deleted]
lqdizzle: You aren’t on the brink, hotel living is homelessness. Where do you work? A lot of times employers particularly locally owned ones will give loans to employees in situations like this or will assist with finding housing.
It’s admirable that you want to care for your cat but you sound like you can’t care for yourself so prioritize that first. You can’t expect to be not homeless without money that’s pretty key. Are you handy? What do you offer that makes you useful to others? Any friends you can crash on their couch for a couple weeks or acquaintances you can crash with in exchange for helping them do some home improvements or watch their kids or work in their yard?
LucasMor9: Read the entire post.
lqdizzle: What an incredibly shitty response from someone who allegedly is genuinely asking for help. “Read the whole post”? Like “try again and come back with something better?” I did read it - I mentioned potential situations with friends as well as with acquaintances. you need friends and it’s on you to cultivate a social circle. I would also add that any attitude when you’re 22 and homeless is counter to you getting help.
You’re 48 hours away from potentially trading sexual favors to keep your teeth. But sure I’ll reread the post from my warm bed.
Guest-Is-Nobody: Chill up, you act like a bitch dude, he had trouble
lqdizzle: Naw he makes his trouble. I was nice enough in the first response. I’m honestly more empathetic with the dad in this scenario. He shouldn’t have hit him but he *should* have thrown him out:
His adult child damages his property (couch) then when he confronts him about it adult child destroys more property (stash). Absolutely he needs to leave. Dad has an addiction problem and needs help too but that doesn’t mean he’s obligated to allow his kid to wreck his stuff.
The kid has no friends or job he clearly doesn’t play well with others. He spent his last 60 on his cat’s dentistry while living in a hotel. He rationalizes actions like a narcissist - “he punches holes in his door why can’t my cat scratch his couch”.
foolsghost: In contrary to your statement, you seem to be the narcissist, he already stated questions you ask, you asked if he doesnt have friends where he can crash, while the post explicitly states he does not have friends where he can crash, and you did not specify anything making your post look like you read the title and nothing else, hence op calls you out to read the entire post as most of your questions were already answered.
After getting called out you go on a narcissist tirade about you "being nice", which you clearly arent seen your responses. This seems rather egocentrical trying to portrait yourself as a nice guy while ur being a total douchebag acter being called out on already answered questions
Also, a little scratch from a cat counting as "damaging property" seems a little harsh, shit like that happens everywhere, people dont make a big deal out of it, and being more empathic with a drug addicted abusive dad seems like trying to kick someone when they are down.
Also, i expect some bitchy response, you seem like the kind of person who always wants the last word to save face and cant resist making some bitchy ass comment on how im wrong and your right
So good luck to you typing your response mister narcissist keyboard warrior
lqdizzle: I said friends or acquaintances.
When in need, never question where or how it comes to you, that also applies when asking for advice. OP has no friends (as stated) he needs help learning how.
I was being nice in my response, that does not mean I am nice. I am however kind. At times being kind requires you to not be nice. If you don’t like the tone that’s ok but I spent my time addressing the person asking to be addressed. You spent your time scolding me.
Lastly it doesn’t matter what you or I or OP thinks is damage to a couch. It matters what the person who owns it thinks right? Morally yes and - in the case partially - it also practically matters.
What’s most likely is OP is going to say sorry when his cash and vigor runs out and he will go back and apologize to dad who will let him back before thanksgiving. OP will have at least learned that if you crash on a couch don’t fuck it up.
| 8 | -2.375 | |
1668763755 | 1668776141 | t3_yyfxow | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: TIFU by accidentally shitting next to the school toilet.
[deleted]
whats-reddit17: Why are you standing while pooping?
BigProfession7442: School toilet seats aren't the most clean.
whats-reddit17: I've never seen a school toilet so bad that I would rather stand??
BigProfession7442: It's not that bad it's just more comfortable to stand.
| 5 | 1.4 | |
1668772062 | 1668773570 | t3_yyi6ih | t5_2to41 | 1 | [deleted]: tifu my bad
[removed]
PULLN: You are human, friend. That you have remorse is indicating that you have moral values that your actions and behavior were not in line with.
That is OKAY. Please try to forgive yourself and keep moving forward. We all make mistakes and there is absolutely nothing you could have done that makes you undeserving of love.
https://youtu.be/oKsxPW6i3pM
lauraannbrown: You are so kind. So so kind. Thank you.
| 3 | 0.333333 | |
1668773512 | 1668785980 | t3_yyim8x | t5_2to41 | 173 | [deleted]: TIFU telling my gf my sexual fantasy
[deleted]
Adragongentleman: "TIFU by being victim of mental abuse" that's not really a fuck up, If you told her that you were into dominatrixes would she just start paying for one full time just for her? If she seriously thougth that that stupid fetish fantasy was some kind of cheating than she's insecure as fuck, which is not a real problem on It's own If It weren't for the fact that she acted to punish you by the way she irrationally feels by making you feel insecure and nervous as well, It is textbook manipulative and toxic of her to do that, i've been trapped in toxic relationships before and your girlfriend sounds like a caricature of every single one of them
Otfd: Mental abuse? How do yall even function is this world.
Adragongentleman: How do you call the action of someone you were supposed to trust and love going behind your back to talk to a coworker to humiliate you and make you feel bad because their expectations of you weren't true? If you see relationships like this and think It's normal i'm really sorry for you because It migth mean you Haven't had a healthy one yet
Otfd: Seems more like she is just messing with him and he is taking it too deep.
Also, I am in a really healthy relationship. We live together, barely ever fight, and communicate without issue or concerns of each others behavior.
If my girlfriend did this, I would sit down and discuss my issue instead of taking to reddit to get opinions on my relationship from 3 paragraphs worth of insight.
Adragongentleman: This is not normal dude people that love you shouldn't mess with you in this big of a level, and talking to his coworker is such a wild cross in limits, It is affecting his work life too, It is straigth up humilianting op and honestly from my point of view this is way worse than cheating, It is mopping the floor with op's dignity If she comes on the next day and say "It's just a prank bro" It doesn't change the fact that she made op feel horrible and made his place of work feel unsafe just to get a few laughs out of It, actions have consequences, sometimes even more that we can imagine
Otfd: Well she likely doesn't realize and as I said before maybe OP should TALK TO HIS GIRLFRIEND INSTEAD OF REDDIT?
You know how I avoid these situations? I ask my girlfriend to talk and explain how I am feeling and typically she apologizes or say sorry I didn't realize it would affect you this much.
And vice versa for her. It's called communication, still don't see it as mental abuse though.
| 7 | 24.714286 | |
1668777818 | 1668789081 | t3_yyjzlp | t5_2to41 | 20 | Soy_Exempt: TIFU by trying to financially help my mother
I'm currently a graduate from a 2nd worlder who is in Europe for an internship to further continue my studies.
Since my degree is an associate degree I was working for some airline at my 2nd year of the college for 100 dollars a month for the sake of internship and experience which I can show as proof the moment I get my aircraft maintenance license. Because this is a private school any amount I could save was to fund my internship in Europe.
Having landed in my destination via ERASMUS+ (European student exchange programme) with my education visa I spent my first 2 weeks getting to know both the job environment and the location. I had hopes from this place
3 days ago I learned from my elder brother while we were on a video call that my mother's condition got worse and her heel spurs are making it even more troubling for her to walk, I had tears coming from my eyes as my family is the only thing I can value more than myself for everything they spared for me to be able to stand at where I am.
Because of this I went to my maintenance manager in the hangar and asked if he knew anyone that would appreciate my help after work hours. He said no and as a basic way to explain it I said it was for family reasons and didnt explain much. The day after out of desperation I texted the maintenance manager who is responsible of the hangar that I will be looking for part time jobs and I did exactly that.
The day after I didn't have any will to work as I couldn't feel any more helpless after realising that what I am doing is illegal and I was hopelessly waiting for a phone call for a chunk of change which isn't worth much in here but a fortune in from where I am from which may just be enough for my mother's treatment.
The day after (today) I decided to pull myself together and went to the security gate of the airport to call the operations to take me to the hangar. First thing that was odd is that my pass was expired which is just a thin piece of paper that has a barcode on it, it was just a visitor's pass unlike plastic cards you are used to see because my duration Of stay wasn't long enough to get me made a decent ID.
Instead of operations the maintenance manager himself arrived with my business attire saying that I was an arrogant person explaining nothing about my absence and what I was doing was illegal. I decided to spill the beans as I couldn't hide the truth for any longer. He said that he doesn't care and told the security staff that I am no longer allowed to get inside. When I told the CEO about this (small company) he said that the maintenance manager was the one responsible for my internship and I should discuss my matters with him.
I texted everything in detail to the maintenance manager but he hasn't replied to any of my texts. He is way too summary oriented to care as all I did is to trying to find a job illegally while not saying why I didn't come to work to him.
Honestly I have zero clue about what to do, I can't just stay at my apartment doing nothing until the end of this year and any moment I return early the allowance sent by the government enough to pay my rent and buy food will be taken away.
TL;DR I tried to fund my mother as her situation got worse with a student visa overseas trying to find a job and I didn't come to work for a day realising the consequences that might happen if I get caught. My manager said that what I was doing is illegal and fired me from my unpaid internship
harleyspoison267: Is it a safety issue that you're not allowed to "moonlight" (have a second job beyond your regular 40 hours)? Otherwise i don't see what you did wrong. You asked him for more work, he said no, then you tried to find more work... What you do in your free time is your business. How the hell can that be illegal? I'm so sorry you're in this position.
ShadowDV: Student Visa. Depending on the country, OP is likely not legally allowed to work off campus except for practical training (internships) approved by the University/host country Government. Anything else would be a violation of their student visa and could potentially get them deported, and get whoever employed them outside the rules in deep trouble with the country's labor department.
harleyspoison267: Ahh. I didn't think of it that way, but that is fair. My uni did have a lot of international students and the ones I was friends with were almost exclusively employees of the university because it was just easier. Sucks for OP either way though. I understand being desperate.
| 4 | 5 | |
1668779165 | 1668801139 | t3_yykgo2 | t5_2to41 | 28 | linchr01: TIFU by taking a dip in the ocean.
I (44/F)live in a small coastal town. My colleague(53/F) recently moved down to the coast and reeeaaallly loves the ocean and swimming in the ocean. We have all cautioned her about sharks, tides and that it could be a dangerous place if you don't know or understand the ocean.
We also go for daily walks at 5am. This time of year the beach is simply amazing that time of the morning. No wind, the waves are calm, sun glistening of the water... it is super inviting, even to me who has been living here for 13 yrs and is, at best of times, a bit nervous about swimming in the ocean.
Today it just got the best of us, and we stripped to our underwear and took a 5min dip.
Some things about the actual swim:
No deeper than hip hight.
There is a break wall, and you would not be able to see us at parking level.
We where wearing modest exercise underwear which is barely distinguishable from swimwear.
It was 5:10 in the morning, there was no one else around.
There were 2 of us keeping an eye on each other.
I had my phone with me.
My dog was there as well.
When we got to work later in the morning, I learned that my colleague's husband was infuriated, and is not speaking to her. He has told her before that she is not allowed to swim in the ocean, and she deliberately went against his wishes and swam in the ocean.
She now feels that she did something wrong.
I feel guilty for getting her in trouble.
But I also think her husband is a mean, controlling sob and that she should just go ahead and do whatever she feels like. She is a 50 year old woman and old enough to make her own decisions.
TL;DR I took a dip in the ocean with my colleague, and now her husband won't speak to her.
banghi: Is there a cultural reason the husband believes he deserves such control over his wife? That attitude just doesn't fly in most places and I feel like we are missing something if OP isn't picking up on that.
Sheyvan: >Is there a cultural reason the husband believes he deserves such control over his wife?
Even if, he still could go fuck himself.
banghi: Agree.
| 4 | 7 | |
1668780450 | 1668935257 | t3_yyky0j | t5_2to41 | 109 | lonelystonerbynight: TIFU by accidentally sending a picture of my weed plant to my grandparents and telling them it was thyme.
For context, I live in Canada and grow and smoke weed.
My mum gifted me a weed plant and I had intended to send a picture to her to show the progress but accidentally sent it to my grandparents instead.
At first I hadn’t realized what happened until they messaged back saying “what’s that? It looks like a burnt rosemary bush.”
I told them I’ve been trying to grow herbs, and such. He straight up asked what plant that was and I said thyme.
We are Italian.
I tried deleting it, but I don’t know if they’ve updated to the new IOS update that allows things to be deleted. So it’s probably still displayed on their phone. I am dying inside.
They’re very strict. Im 25 and I’m panicking because the family is already mad at me for another reason. So I’m just gonna come clean if they ask me how long I’ve been using, and what I’m growing. Just panicking because I shot myself in the foot and I’m out of the frying pan and in the fire.
He has since left me in read.
TL;DR
I accidentally sent a picture of my weed plant to my grandparents instead of my mum and when asked what plant it was, I panicked and said it was time. He’s left me on read.
UPDATE 1:
Wasn’t expecting this much attention! Lol! Sorry I haven’t replied to anybody in the comments. I’ve been at work.
To make a 25 year old story short, my parents have been divorced since I was 3 and there’s bad blood between my mum and dad and his family. I’ve always kinda been the “black sheep” on my dads side. (It’s his parents we are talking about in this post ) I made a post when I first got on Reddit about some of the shit that went down. Feel free to take a look if you do feel so inclined. Scroll alllllll the way to the bottom of my profile. It’s about Alaska.
For those of you saying to just get over it, it’s a plant etc, I know. It’s a plant. I’ve been smoking for close to 7 years now, and I’ve been able to keep it under wraps for the most part. Some people know - the knows who know are the ones who wouldn’t care. They ones that don’t know, would give me a hard time and I just don’t need that rn. The reality is my family is extremely conservative. Nothing is wrong with that but once they get stuck in their beliefs, it takes a HELL of a lot to get them to be normal again. I’m already dealing with family drama regarding them because of some things I’ve decided to do in my life, and I just sit here smh because I don’t need more drama lol! I am literally doing nothing wrong but I know I’ll be treated like a criminal and I just hate when people are at odds with me!
Disastrous_Potato605: There’s a type of hibiscus that looks just like weed
JimmiRustle: Ah your grandkids told you about hibiscus sunrise?
Disastrous_Potato605: Idk what ur talking about or why ur calling me old but my friend has a hibiscus plant in her yard and had to explain to cops it was just hibiscus. They wanted to take a clipping but she was like nah does that smell like weed to u? Come back with a warrant if u care so much, ur not cutting my plant
JimmiRustle: Hibiscus sunrise is a sativa cultivar.
Disastrous_Potato605: Ok great. Maybe it’s cuz the leaves look alike or maybe it’s cuz hibiscus can be made into a nice tea. Idk but plz try not to call people old for gardening, we don’t want to gatekeep this wonderful form of self expression and stress relief 😊
JimmiRustle: It was more like a joke of you being in a similar situation as OP.
I can’t say I’m much of a gardener but I have managed to germinate a mango seed and grow it into a sapling. First try the sapling got murdered by the wind xD
Disastrous_Potato605: Ah sorry for the misunderstanding, been running into a lot of turds on here last couple days 😅
JimmiRustle: Welcome to the internet - where turds congregate to form the mega shit
| 9 | 12.111111 | |
1668790679 | 1669092996 | t3_yyoumg | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: Tifu by lending my phone to my cousin
[deleted]
Metallbran88: She’s going to tell people. I guarantee she didn’t actually believe you.
Also,
When are you launching your onlyfans?
heyfuckedup: you can see them for free
Metallbran88: Where at?
| 4 | 1.75 | |
1668793607 | 1668818407 | t3_yyq14e | t5_2to41 | 371 | dominiks13: TIFU I might’ve fucked up my life (injury)
Not really today I’m sorry, but really needed to get this off my chest.
Three weeks ago while I was binge drinking with my friends on a camping trip and I slipped and hit my head on a rock. I was really drunk so I don’t recall much of it. Threw up later (could’ve been the alcohol).
Basically countinued along with the trip the next day (extreme hangover). Once I returned me and my parents went on a skiing holiday for the extended weekend. On the way their I’d started to get really nauseaus when I would eat or drink and my head felt a bit wierd (not sure if it had to do with the injury or no). Also realised my right jaw joint really hurt when I opened it and my neck hurt a bit if I twisted it to the left a lot.
Skipped first day of skiing due to the nausea, enjoyed the rest of the holiday with occasional headaches (later found out these were caused by leaning my head forward or down).
First thing back I went to the doctors. X-ray nothing broken, seems like my neck is a bit too bent. Also x-rays the wrong side of my jaw so just tells me to chew on the other said. Gives me a neck thing to wear (so I cant move it - headaches stopped) and some meds both for a week.
By this time I’m starting to notice I have a ringing in my right ear (only when its quiet, so basically when I go to bed and wake up).
Week goes by jaw gets much better, still feel the neck a bit but barely, I start doing sports (basketball and gym) but later notice I my neck gets a bit worse after it so decide to take a break from it for a bit longer. But ringing is still the same so I decide to see a doctor.
I manage to fill in for a canceled appontment and get some meds and told to come back next Monday when the doctor will have more time to assess the ringing problem.
So basically right now:
1. My jaw healed completely (only thing it kind of jumps around when I open it too much but no pain and I dont really mind that)
2. My neck still hurts a bit when I turn my head and although it has gotten a bit better still concerns me a bit
3. I still feel a fit wierd (tiny headache and maybe nausea - just like ungood) when I have my head tikted forwards for some time (has gotten better though as well)
4. The rining in my ear I feel like might’ve gotten slightly better but its really hard for me to tell since I experience it only sometimes (I am absolutrly petriffied that it is chronic though and this is my main source of anxiety)
TL;DR I slipped and hit my head while drunk and after a few weeks some things have gotten better, but some only slightly and I am scared to death that I will hear ringing in my ear for the rest of my life.
All in all I really hate myself for getting so drunk and putting myself in a position for something like this to happen.
Lee2026: You most likely had a concussion and if you didn’t tell l your doctor you had hit your head prior, you better go back, tell them, and get it properly checked out
dominiks13: I told my doctor everything so I trust she made the right decisions on how to treat me
warrkrack: sometimes doctors can miss things. I am blessed/cursed with VA Healthcare. once I had a slipped disk/pinched nerve in my back. it took 2 months. 6 trips to the hospital and me being very insistent before they finally gave me the xray that I requested every single time I went.
the look on the PT person's face reading the results after basically telling me I'm crazy for 2 months was very bitter sweet.
moral of the story. you are your best advocate. if something is not right. sometimes it's up to you to figure it out.
BinniesPurp: Lol docs called my tumors constipation and said I had anxiety, 2 weeks later lost my kidney and ability to walk properly or have kids ahahaha
They even recommended I do a mental health test for anxiety / bipolar because of how much "pain" I was overreacting about till I caked their toilet bowl red lmao
We good now though happened years ago, but just a warning to always double check 😂
warrkrack: I hear ya. once my (now ex) gf was having chest pains. went to the doctor. said she was fine. a few hours later we go to the ER and the next day she is having heart surgery being told she would have died if she took the first docs word.
BinniesPurp: Yea that's fuckin brutal especially the heart, glad they found out 😮
Mate had a similar issue with pericarditis and he worked there as a janitor even ahaha!
| 7 | 53 | |
1668797613 | 1668827452 | t3_yyrkgi | t5_2to41 | 1,180 | kassiaethne: TIFU....by all this nazi talk online lately unlocking a core cringe memory I had stuffed down and now I can't stop cringing
So, this wasn't today, this was more like 20 years ago, back in the wild west of yahoo days and yahoo chat. A/S/L and group chats on common interests. God even remembering makes me cringe so hard it's like it was yesterday. Can't remember what I ate yesterday for lunch but this...crisp and back to the forfront ugh.
​
​
So to the story. I used to like a book trilogy, a very dark violent fantasy series that the first book was called "daughter of the blood" it was written by anne bishop. So teen edgy...innocent me decided to make my username "daughter of the blood" in hopes of others who had read the books would recognize it and we could start chatting about the book and all the jewels and the super dark broody men yadda yadda. You know, normal teen stuff.
​
And it happens, one day a girl messages me and starts off with how much she loved the book too. And we became fast friends. We just talked about how much we liked it and how interesting it was and I swear I told her about parts of the book and magic, how it was so cool, I loved the Eyriens, you know, cuz flying and wings.... how I wouldn't want to be a laden I'd want to be a full blooded bla bla bla and she would agree (what she was thinking as I wrote all that I have no idea, maybe I was spelling aryan wrong? do they give wings like pilots at these things? I dunno!)
​
​
We'd just chat about every day things, totally normal, I was in dance, she enjoyed going to rallys after school....I assumed this was like cheer rallies....or something....her older brother even added me and he'd swap cooking recipes and german culture and we all just got along so well. He was always polite and never pervy like most dudes on the internet and sweet and it was just really normal talking....I mean really. So 6 months into this chit chatting and she says she was so excited she had been up front on stage during her rally afterschool or that weekend or something and she got to hold a gun this time! And she sent the pic of herself at her rally so proud of herself because she trusts me we've known eachother for almost half a year so she felt okay sharing RL pics now but not to share it because she could get in trouble (I assumed because her parents probably warned her about sending pics to strangers on the internet....not because that shit's illegal in germany)..I was all excited all oh cool now I'll get to know what this person I've been talking to looks like.... wait for the dial up internet to download the pics annnnnd....fucking was a giant nazi flag behind her, her in the whole getup cosplay of nazi uniform and a giant rifle being held up against her shoulder proudly in front of a mic doing that hand gesture...And a couple of grown ass men up there too in the same getup.
​
My fucking whole body froze up. A) I'm not white totally...my ass is mixed, I can be white passing, super pale like my dad, blue eyes(that neither of my parents have), dark brown hair....but my mom is 100% latina....and then B) set in...my whole little teenage friendship that I used to rush home to chitchat with my friend about my days and whos family recipes I had been trying and swapping with....was a nazi and if she knew my real heritage would hate me. And I really had liked her, and her brother. I was never very good at making friends and this had been a special friendship to me, and she and her brother were damn nazis. And worst yet she thought I was a nazi who subscribed to those ideals too. And as soon as that part sunk in I instantly panicked. I started asking her why she thought I would be into that? Why would she send that!
​
​
That's when she pointed out my name asking me why I'd have a nazi username if I wasn't a nazi....and I told her it was for the books by anne bishop not because I was like what? into that? god, HOW MANY PEOPLE THOUGHT I WAS A NAZI ONLINE!! I told her I 100% am not and I am disappointed they are and I am half latina and it's heartbreaking and I removed and blocked her and her brother and instantly signed out forever and made a new username.
​
TL;DR Made the username daughter of the blood because I liked a book by anne bishop....girl and her brother added me and we became fast friends....because they loved my name and the books too...we were talking about COMPLETELY different books...I was talking about dark jewel trilogy...they were talking about hitler and being a ...daughter of the aryan blood and I didn't realize this until 6 months later
Scoobz1961: Thats a hilarious misunderstanding. Something one would expect to see in a sketch show.
On a serious note it is also an interesting situation from moral standpoint. You liked those two quite a lot and from what you described they seemed like great people. If she never sent that photo, you might still be friends. What does that say about all involved parties?
kassiaethne: I mean yeah, but that book got dark into enslavement of the good main characters (in her mind I guess I meant the oppressed white people was what I was talking about?) and how they ended up needing to just kill and destroy all of the corrupted blood in one go to purify and be free to start over because they had been so corrupted that was the only way to be free…I was talking about a fantasy book of enslaved good magic doers who were strong but beaten down and were waiting for a savior to save them….she was talking about white ppl and you know…everyone not white needing to be destroyed….wonderful people otherwise
Scoobz1961: Its easy to dehumanize people with radically different views, but it is still little bit shocking that people who subscribes to such hateful violent ideology can otherwise be great people.
I dont know either of those books, but it kind of sounds like your fantasy book took some inspiration from Nazi Germany, so the misunderstanding might have been easier to make than expected.
TheRealTwiner: Sorry but, theres a lot already complete inhuman about people who want to commit a large amount of genocide.
No amount of politeness overrides that vitriolic belief system and there is really no excusing it.
Scoobz1961: No need to apologize, but you got it the other way around. If anything, its too human. No other living organism kill due to hatred. Just us.
Nazis are just like you and me, human. No monsters. No genetic freaks. No devils on earth. Just people. Its important to remember where they came from and where they have gone to. The rest of us. They have always been part of us and they always will.
Its dangerous to think otherwise.
Xeludon: That's not true.
Chimps and other primates also kill out of hatred.
Chimps make spears and have full on wars with other chimp tribes on designated battle grounds.
Chimps don't go for the kill, they go for what hurts the most.
There are actually quite a few animals that do this, that have hatred and are spiteful and vicious.
Scoobz1961: I see, thats unfortunate. The "No other living organism kill due to hatred. Just us." line sounds much better than "Chimps, other primates and quite a few animals also kill due to hatred, not just humans, but humans are really good at it".
| 8 | 147.5 | |
1668801725 | 1668821341 | t3_yyt5fd | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU by having the worst panic of my life in front of the woman of my dreams
[deleted]
Azimuth322: This will happen again, dont listen to platitudes and empty words of encouragement that is bound to happen on reddit.
Youll be far better off finding professional help, it will help you not only with women but with life in general.
lounginlotus: Such a downer😂
You built your confidence up before and you can do it again. The more you talk to people the easier it’ll get. It might be worth getting professional help tho, it’s just a headache finding the right person to help you
| 3 | 1 | |
1668814155 | 1668820668 | t3_yyul58 | t5_2to41 | 29 | lordbruwin:
LMAO. You totally are just reading your own interpretation into the story with no basis whatsoever. Yeah nah I’m gonna say that maybe giving some benefit of the doubt here on such limited information on a relationship between basically children is a bit more rational than burning the 20 year old girl at the stake.
>You and that chick needs therapy. A lot of therapy.
Yeah that’s projection chief. Time for a look in the mirror.
ScottishCheese: So lemme get this straight: if your partner said they didn’t like sex with you and that it was an unfixable problem, your response would be to keep coming onto them? Seems wildly inappropriate imo.
Not to mention that she wouldn’t take “no” for an answer without making it about herself and blaming OP. I think the person you’re responding to is right, y’all are both a little rapey.
lordbruwin: Wow what a hilarious straw man. Well it would be hilarious were it not for the absolutely heinous implications but no I didn’t say anything remotely close to that. Is that brain rot or are you being bad faith?
If my partner said they didn’t like sex with me I’d put a great deal of effort into finding out why and if that failed I would end the relationship. What the fuck is wrong with you? Seems like you are probably the rapey one with all of this projection.
Amazing seeing morons upvote this crap
ScottishCheese: Damn, I’m sorry you’re illiterate too. I hope you get better.
lordbruwin: How the fuck an *I* the illiterate one. That’s you. You suffer a complete inability to parse evidently.
NYU doesn’t tend to pump out lawyers that can’t read. Hope your inability to read gets better though
ScottishCheese: You completely missed the part (both in OP’s post and in my comment) where the partner said there’s no way to fix it. Thankfully, unlike you, OP’s solution isn’t to sexually harass his partner by continually attempting sex with someone who has no interest in it.
Just saw your edit, guess you must’ve dropped out if you ever even went to NYU.
lordbruwin: Yeah no. So you like many here are reading things in that are not there.
TIFU by not being intimate with my partner
>after i found out she does not enjoy intercourse with me i asked how i could please her and she told me i could not
Here is what OP actually said. This is literally all there is to go on here. They did not say “there is no way to fix it.” There is OPs vague translation that she said “he could not (make her enjoy intercourse)”. This could mean 100 different things. Is it that he doesn’t know how? That he lacks the physical capability? That she has a hormonal issue? Who knows. The point is that should have been the beginning of the conversation, not the end. It’s unlikely she meant he was physically incapable because in that case she likely would have ended the relationship and she certainly wouldn’t have gotten upset at OP not trying. It’s called using context clues pal.
Thankfully, I don’t go around insinuating shit completely baselessly.
So for the last time you fuckwad: I NEVER SAID HE SHOULD FORCE HIMSELF ONTO HER
ScottishCheese: You: From about half a sentence of exposition, I can tell you exactly how their entire conversation went down, all of the things OP didn’t ask, and how it’s his fault.
Also you: Thankfully, I don’t go around insinuating shit completely baselessly.
Reading your responses, you absolutely seem like the emotionally abusive asshole everyone is making OP’s girlfriend out to be.
lordbruwin: Oh wow so your *really* wanna tell on yourself for a complete inability to read huh?
Me: “this could mean 100 different things, we don’t know”
You: “so you’re telling me you know exactly how their conversation went down”
Like how are you this dense. That’s literally the fucking opposite of what I’m saying. Take your L and move on clown
Only on Reddit can being the mature one and giving people the benefit of the doubt rather than jumping to conclusions gets you labeled a rapist or abusive. God help your future partners
ScottishCheese: And yet every interpretation you have of the events ends with it being OP’s fault. It’s his fault for not asking for an explanation, his fault for not trying. Not at all possible that she shut down the conversation, that she didn’t elaborate, that she took it personally when he said he didn’t want to have sex, etc. God help your future partners, if you have any.
lordbruwin: >And yet every interpretation you have of the events ends with it being OP’s fault.
Lol nope. Still proudly showing you can’t read I see. Since I’m over the age of 12, I don’t look at relationship issues with black/white “fault” except in extenuating circumstances. Saying that OP did not behave perfectly is not saying it was OPs “fault.”
>It’s his fault for not asking for an explanation
Yep.
>his fault for not trying.
Nope. Never said that. Can you please stop making shit up?
>Not at all possible that she shut down the conversation, that she didn’t elaborate, that she took it personally when he said he didn’t want to have sex, etc.
Yea, care to quote were I definitively stated any of this?
ScottishCheese: “Never said that,” then what’s this?
> Yeah. And his response was to just stop touching his partner for weeks without any explanation. He didn’t say anything. He has pathetic communication skills.
And no, I can’t quote where you said that, which is exactly my point. None of your possible solutions or interpretations have anyone at fault except OP.
lordbruwin: That’s you telling on yourself for an inability to read again. Let’s use our context clues! I know you struggle with those though :(. “He didn’t say anything”
Is couched in discussing his cessation of intimacy. So that’s obviously the referent. Try again :)
>And no, I can’t quote where you said that, which is exactly my point.
Hahahahah WHAT?!?! Dude take your L and move on, you’re embarrassing yourself. You don’t get to make up shit, say I said it and then admit you can’t even cite anything implying such a thing. Not how it works. How the fuck could that possible be “your point.”
>None of your possible solutions or interpretations have anyone at fault except OP.
Wrong, as we just went over, OP should have ended the relationship.
ScottishCheese: >OP should have ended the relationship.
So, again, you think it’s no one but OP’s fault.
lordbruwin: Yeah wow, you really just wanna *make sure* everyone can see how bad you are at reading huh? Uh, no, that isn’t what the means. She should have put more effort into communicating her desires.
ScottishCheese: Honestly, I’m just trying to keep you engaged in this conversation as long as possible. Anything to keep you from abusing and forcing yourself on people who aren’t interested in sex.
lordbruwin: Lol uh huh whatever helps you cope, rapist
| 17 | 1.705882 | |
1668807993 | 1668820027 | t3_yyviro | t5_2to41 | 425 | Cantthinkofaname-sry: TIFU by getting my Gf addicted to kissing me
[removed]
matskat: "I have come to the conclusion that I somehow transfer nicotine to her through saliva and have inadvertently gotten her addicted to it. "
Nope.
Not a chance hombre. Weird flex tho. You just wanted to post that you kiss girls. Admit it.
Kids are weird.
Denominax: bro just because you have never kissed a woman doesnt mean that every dude that brings it up is trying to rub it in your face lol
matskat: Bro I'm twice married and with kids, lolol. My kids are probably older than you and OP...
OP is probably a child and made the whole post up.
Reeks of r/thathappend
Denominax: sure
| 5 | 85 | |
1668813312 | 1668885628 | t3_yyxily | t5_2to41 | 675 | ImThe1Wh0: TIFU by rushing to the truck with groceries and a toddler
This just happened. I'm very sad. It's been an incredibly hard and rough week and I'm ready for the weekend. I picked up my daughter from daycare and then it's daddy daughter time til mom gets home. I usually run errands with her to keep her entertained and not cooped up. Today we went and got dinner fixings. My grocery store had a sale on Sam Adams Oktoberfest. I bought a case for the weekend. My toddler and I came out to it snowing. We like the snow but it's dark and I rushed out to make a game outta it and hurried to buckle her in so the snow "didn't get us." I was distracted with the game and giggles. I threw the groceries in, started driving home and realized that the case of beer was in the under part of the cart still. I turned around and hurried back but it's gone.
I know the saying "don't cry over spilt milk" kinda applies here but can I cry over a lost cause of beer?
TL:DR
Rushing and distracting my toddler, distracted me and I left a case of beer on the cart and went back to it gone
andrewta: Could be worse.
Could have remembered the beer and forgot someone
ImThe1Wh0: She's got her momma's lungs. I haven't known quiet in years
Disastrous_Potato605: I’d have gone back in the store, they may have had it
Pure-Distribution858: Yea, i have left stuff in a cart and gone back to the store next day and they have it.
| 5 | 135 | |
1668814804 | 1668964346 | t3_yyy1s3 | t5_2to41 | 12 | hunerb: TIFU by making friend feel bad for something she didn't do.
I (16M) am dating a girl (16F) and we don't really talk to anyone besides for a few close friends. One of our close friends (16F) has been with us since the very start and we have always thought of here as one of our most loyal friends. Lately our friend hasn't been talking to us or hanging out with us and instead has been hanging out with a group of people that treat her like shit. She previously was in a fight with someone for that group because she was hanging out with us instead.
TL;DR Since she stopped talking to us at about this time we assumed that she gave in and decided she was just going to hang out with them. So today when we were leaving school the friend hops in my girlfriend's car. I went over to the window and told her not to try and be nice if she didn't want to hang out with us. This lead to us getting in a big ass argument which led to nothing. Then she kind of explained herself and told us we were the ones who were being weird and not talking to her.
Keep in mind every day we've offered to hang out with her at lunch.
AcrobaticSource3: This is not how TL;DR works
hunerb: yes my bad i had to have one in there so i just kind of threw it in there
| 3 | 4 | |
1668819008 | 1668917094 | t3_yyzh33 | t5_2to41 | 45 | Embarrassed-Low-8170: TIFU By not taking my dog to the vet when I could've
Check out my account for pictures of Maggie, Honey, Hazel.
This is gonna be a longer post everyone. There is a lot to say and a lot to go into. I am a 18 male.
My Grandma had just lost my grandpa in 2014, She was looking for companionship. So we got her a dog, One of two, these were little dogs. The first dog we got was our Honey, I dont know her exact mix but I will post pictures if people want to see her. We then got another little dog, Her name was Hazel, she was a teacup yorkie. God she was beautiful. I loved this dog more than anything, like my whole family.
Well later that year in 2014, one of windows got broken. It was my disabled little brother who did it on accident. I dont blame him though, even though my heart still aches for that dog. Well Hazel got out. I remember crying all night, wondering if she was cold or hungry. Just terrified something was gonna happen to her. This was the family dog, even though my sister would say it was hers. But it was the families, Me and grandma cared about it the most.
Well, the next morning, I'd say 6-7 am, my grandma woke me up. And we went out looking for Hazel, I'd say we were looking for about 15-30 minutes. My grandma found her across the street a few houses down from ours. She was hit by a car. Me and my grandma were devastated, the whole family was, I especially remember feeling so detached from reality, that whole of crying and wondering if she was hungry or thirsty or scared, she wasn't, she just wasn't, she was already gone.
That was a rather dark time in our family, we had lost our grandfather and a pet we had already fallen in love with in one year. I mean, some people never get over stuff like that. I know I certainly didnt for a while.
Well fast forward a few weeks, we decided to get another dog. Another small one, a yorkie mix, not one as small as Hazel. But a yorkie all the same. And by god, this one had the sweetest personality. When you would give her food or bones she would go to the couch or bed and "bury" it. Which actually meant she would scratch around it and bark if Honey came close.
She would always be there if you needed a laugh or a cuddle, and every single time a came home from school, she would do this little howl, like a little wolf, I found it so cute and adorable. My grandmother named her "Maggie-May" Maggie for short.
Well, fast forward to 2023, nine years later, Honey and Maggie had become a pair, sisters, my grandma we're their godmother. She saw them as her kids, I saw them as my brothers and sisters. My grandma never fully got over my grandfather, they were married their whole lives. In fact they lied to their parents saying my Grandma was pregnant in order to get married at 18. (where they were from the guy needed permission from parents or couldn't marry the girl until 21)
2 days before my grandmas birthday Maggie started walking weird and shaking. This wasn't unusual but I thought something was off and brushed it aside. I fucked up here, I should've realized something was off when she would come to me for food. The rest of the day she spent with my grandma on the couch, just laying there.
Well the next morning, she was gone, not literally, but gone. The ground hadn't started freezing yet so we buried her. Everyone was devastated, my grandma even more so. She hadn't got to spend much time with them lately because she's been in and out of the hospital with severe COPD. (Lung disease from smoking) My grandma's had so many close calls. In fact its the only reason I am writing to you today reddit.
It's November, so a colds going around, my grandma was okay a day or so after her 70th birthday, but yesterday night her oxygen started going down and her c02 levels rising. Her levels if I remember were 89, and her C02 was 102. (Bad) Since she's always been so tiny I carried her halfway out the door. (She's only 74 pounds) Now she's intubated. Im terrified im gonna lose her, Im so scared its gonna be the same thing with my grandpa and Hazel. I cant lose them both.
Honey's heartbroken, she lost her sister and her moms in the hospital. She's been crying lately, but she's doing better today, I was snuggling with her earlier.
I want to get my grandma another yorkie. I know she's been heartbroken, in fact her iPad screensaver is still Maggie. But Yorkies are super expensive, So Im gonna be trying so hard, looking on Craigslist and other places for yorkies. My grandma cant handle big dogs because of how tiny she is. But hopefully I can surprise her by Christmas. I blame myself for Maggie, I seen something was off and I didnt say something, I could've done something. This isn't me victim blaming, this is me taking responsibility.
TLDR; My dog was walking funny, I wasn't able to take her to the vet, she died the next morning, everyone is devastated, now my grandma is intubated and im scared of loosing her too.
bossy909: It's unlikely you would have been able to do anything
It was likely neurological and clearly far gone
harleyspoison267: I think this is most likely true, or, the worse scenario in my opinion, you rush her to the vet, she needs a million test and meds and surgery (pet ER is crazy expensive and they won't do anything without up front payment) and you can't afford it, so she dies in an unfamiliar place away from you, scared in her final moments. Or, you can afford some treatments, but it just extends her suffering a few months and you still have to euthanize her in a couple months and again she's not comfortable and at home with family.
It's one of the tough lessons of growing up. I'm 26, and we just had to let my childhood dog go about 3 years ago, just before her 16th birthday. It was a lot harder than i thought it would be, and even though I've always prided myself on being responsible and mature long before I actually was an adult, if my parents hadn't made the final call to take her to the vet, i would have kept her alive and suffering longer than necessary over my own guilt because I was struggling to let her go. Sometimes animals tell us their own timeline, they stop eating, drinking, can't go potty, etc, and at that point, there isn't much quality of life left and you just have to let them go. It was a lot harder than I thought it would be honestly (obviously at 16 it wasn't a huge surprise) but she was *always* there when I was at my parents, and i really couldn't stand being in the house anymore without her. She was my first friend, and my only sibling for years until my sister was born much later. It's just hard. You'll find a way to cope with the grief just like you have any other family member you've lost, because in a lot of ways its more similar than people think.
EPIKGUTS24: OP may not live in a region that makes people pay anything for vet bills.
harleyspoison267: American here, is that a thing?? I know free human healthcare exists in other places, but I've never heard of free vet care
EPIKGUTS24: I don't know of any countries that have 'totally free' single-payer veterinary care like they do healthcare, but I'm pretty sure there are places in many countries where one can get veterinary care for free.
harleyspoison267: I'm not sure I understand the nuance of what you're saying, but that's an interesting concept
EPIKGUTS24: Basically I don't think anywhere has "free vet care" like they do healthcare, but you can get special free vet care in many places I think, maybe like a special program for those who can't afford paid vet care.
harleyspoison267: I see. Yeah maybe. I wonder if something as complex as neurological conditions would be covered though. My aunt and uncle have a spaniel who has brain damage and they have never been able to get insurance for her and care is complex and expensive. Fortunately they're both working professionals with no children, but otherwise this dog would not have had much of a chance. Sweet as pie though.
| 9 | 5 | |
1668822806 | 1668827614 | t3_yz0ov1 | t5_2to41 | 11 | Flashy_Look_1185: TIFU by being socially awkward
Coming back from quarantine, I (18m) was super socially awkward. While I had a bunch of friends in 9th grade, I didn’t talk to them often in 10th grade. I still had friends in 11th grade (when school came back to in-person), but I had lost a lot of basic social skills.
Being a nerdy guy, that also meant that I barely talked to girls outside of class.
That changed in the last week of school, however: I talked to this one girl and her friend for a couple hours. Looking back on it, I cringe—it was obvious that she was just being nice.
Being a socially awkward guy, however, I took her attention in me as “she has a crush on me.” That made me start developing a crush on her.
I then starting calling her my friend (deposite the fact that we had basically talked once) and asked her to hang out at the mall. She said no, but I kept going because I thought she had a crush on me. Eventually, I decided to stop.
Turns out:
1. She felt weirded out about how I got her phone number
2. She felt bad for me, and that was why she responded back
3. She likes this other dude
Took me a few months to get over it lol. Thankfully I’ve learned a lot since then (I cringe looking back on what happened)
TL;DR socially awkward guy thought a girl talking to him meant that she had a crush on him, made her feel weird, and now has to go to school with her
HonestSoldier7: ~~Gym~~ Jim is the only answer
Edit: As I explained in a comment, this is **a joke**. Search up "people that go jim nattysoon" on youtube to understand the reference.
Flashy_Look_1185: I actually started working out after I stopped talking to her lol
HonestSoldier7: 
| 4 | 2.75 | |
1668826820 | 1668835131 | t3_yz1xg4 | t5_2to41 | 16 | boat_ghost420: tifu and my entire class saw me naked
For context I’m a seventeen year old boy and got emancipated because of some fucked up parents with unwise spending habits to the point of near bankruptcy, but I was able to get a job as a blacksmith and had even gotten help to buy a nice lake house, and I was enjoying my life just keeping to myself at my high school to the point where I was known as the quiet kid. So I had just gotten outta school and I drove home in red ford pick up truck, now I haven’t done much swimming this year so I figured since the nearest neighbor was like two miles away I thought it’d probably be fine to go skinny dipping and note I’m very self conscious when it comes to my body, because I’m a bit chubby in the belly area, anyway I stripped off my clothes because I was honestly pretty hot because I had the defrost on because my windows fogged in the truck, and to cool off I hopped into the lake. So there I am enjoying the ice cold refreshing water because I’m basically a yeti, and am swimming down stream as it’s a giant lake with a few neighbors spread a good ways apart from each other, and I start to get tired after about an hour or two and pull myself out of the lake and onto a dock with a boat ramp nearby because I thought nobody was home, that was until after I had done so I quickly realized I could hear party music that had suddenly stopped and then I heard somebody shout “oh my god !” which startled me so I quickly wiped around and saw my ENTIRE CLASS having an epic rager. Now shocked and panicked I froze and my classmates had started laughing and cheering at me I even heard a couple of people go and say “damn!” And “woot!” That’s when I snapped back to my senses and dove headfirst into the lake and swim as fast and as hard as I could back to my place hearing some cheering and comments for a bit as I was swimming. When I got back to my house I wrapped myself up in a beach towel laying another beach towel on the ground and started I fire in the fireplace, and was feeling stupid and yet really full of myself for having taken the risk and after I had warmed up I showered and made some venison burgers because one my neighbors are a nice couple who hunt and I like to help them out with stuff every now and then if I’m around so they sometimes give me a bit of the extra game they catch. So anyway I’m writing this on my couch with gravity falls on the tv, and I am NOT lookin forward to school on Monday.😅tldr due to me wanting to cool off have fun and swim my class saw me naked
SadPanthersFan: What day of your meth bender is this, 3?
boat_ghost420: my what?
[deleted]: How do you have a house
boat_ghost420: I got some assistance with that as part of the emancipation program
| 5 | 3.2 | |
1668831683 | 1668886230 | t3_yz3cyz | t5_2to41 | 114 | licalier: TIFU by telling my gf (28) that I can't get it up with beautiful girls
So I (33m) woke up this morning with a nasty headache and found a series of messages from my gf of 8 months that basically boiled down to 'how could you be so awful' and 'we should take some time apart from each other'. I had no idea what was going on and after wracking my memory of the previous night I realised that someone must have spiked my drink at the party I had gone to with my gf. I'm not sure if it was something chemical or just strong proof alcohol that I got (I'm a total light-weight) but I had absolutely no idea what I had said and done.
I spent the morning going back and forth between some of my friends who had been at the party and managed to piece together what had happened. Luckily, I hadn't done anything too embarrassing apart from singing the Titanic song at full volume, but unfortunately I had apparently also decided to do an impromptu stand-up routine where I had been... Honest.
To cut a long story short, I had some bad experiences during my high school/uni years with some bitch queens and later found that I just couldn't function in bed with anyone who I found too pretty. Now, my gf isn't bad looking by any stretch, but I think most guys (and girls if you are into that sort of thing) would probably rate her around 6 on a scale from 1 to 10. I apparently made this very clear to her last night in front of all our friends and suffice to say my gf was NOT pleased.
Hopefully she's going to calm down soon and let me speak to her (she hasn't replied to any of my msgs or calls so far). If she doesn't though, I would welcome any suggestions as to how to appropriately manage the situation.
​
TL;DR - Drink got spiked and I embarrassed myself and my gf in front of all our friends by being honest about a bedroom problem, now my gf won't talk to me.
Azure_Bill_Shock: I think you and alcohol need a break from each other too.
And stop rating girls from 1 to 10, it's weird and creepy.
licalier: I don't normally. It was to give people an idea of what she looks like without going into creepy detail.
​
And I haven't drunk alcohol (knowingly) for the last 12 years.
LurksAroundHere: Just so you know for the future, a number rating on anyone's looks automatically makes it a creepy detail.
Rdpsm: Oh, BS. Reality is what reality is. What you're saying here is snowflake nonsense, and you have no right to try to set yourself up as some sort of arbiter, claiming to speak for everyone.
Men are pigs. Deal with it.
ajgrinds: Agree. Agree. Agree. Wait nope not that
JupitersReddit: Yeah fr I agreed with everything except the last part 😂
| 7 | 16.285714 | |
1668838857 | 1668878285 | t3_yz5bij | t5_2to41 | 12,951 | kingchaos99: TIFU by following my dick
I 23m have had an absolutely depressing year when it come to sex. first, I match with a girl on tinder who instantly wants to blow me so being horny I agree. now I'm at her place she's blowing me (very well I might add) and then I notice a penis between her legs, now she sees me see her dick. then she proceeds to make me cum faster than I thought possible. Second fast forward 3 months, I match with another girl on tinder and we're are talking for like a week then I invited to my place on a day when my house would be uniquely empty.
Now we are hanging, talking we watched a movie now we finally started to fuck and within 30 second of penetration my father come home from work early and yells "BOY WHO YOU GOT IN MY HOUSE" then beckons me for nothing when I go back to my room she tells me she has to go. Now fast forward through many sexless nights to tonight I decided to pay an escort service (an embarrassing amount considering I'm poor) thinking nothing could go wrong I'm now at the hotel with a naked woman infront of me and my dick decided to stop working we tried to make it hard for 30 minutes and now I'm on Reddit
TL;DR I accidentally slept with a trans girl, my dad cock blocked me, and i paid an Escort an amount close to my rent and my dick wouldn't get hard
EDIT; Someone said maybe I missed that they were trans in their profile and I cannot rule out that possibility but I feel like it makes the fuck up worse.
brandogerider: Trans girl will probably meet up with you again 🤷♂️
shadraig: She blew good, didn't she? Maybe you weren't in the wrong place
laujac: Why is everyone skirting over the fact that the individual hid that from OP? How is that not a form of coerced sex?
I hate this site sometimes. Rules for thee and all that.
mravenzemla: Trans women face the risk of violence every goddam day, depending on where OP lives it could be an incredibly fraught prospect to even tell someone you’re trans.
Maymaywala: Still should be disclosed atleast before getting down to do the deed
mravenzemla: Ideally yes, but I can understand not doing so if you fear for your safety and that’s a real risk trans folks face.
LordKutulu: Not being honest is a quick way to make your situation way worse.
ehhbutwhy: Why is this "honestly" to you? Trans people have to tell you extra things or you don't believe you can consensually agree to have sex with them?
LordKutulu: Yes, if you are presenting yourself as a woman and you have male parts you should be upfront with any potential sexual partners. Same as if you have an std or if you have major mental health issues. I take honesty very seriously and starting off by lying is not a good way to make a first impression.
ehhbutwhy: if you decide to have sex with them it is consensual, if you find out later there was a dick and balls and you have some kind of mental health crisis that's no one's problem but your own pal
LordKutulu: That's mighty rapey of you.
ehhbutwhy: you deciding to sleep with a trans person is not rape hope this helps
LordKutulu: Do you think that consent is constant and can't be rescinded? Do you think that if you hide your genitalia from your partner and then they find out they just have to continue because they originally consented? Yes that is rapey of you.
ehhbutwhy: Of course you can stop at any time, and in fact I'd love to hear what I said that made you think I think proceeding with sex when the other participant isn't consenting is morally acceptable. What I am saying to you is that if you have some kind of crisis about yourself after you bust a nut in an amab that's your problem and not anyone else's
| 15 | 863.4 | |
1668843706 | 1668846464 | t3_yz6i8g | t5_2to41 | 8 | [deleted]: TIFU by pranking my friends using a sensitive topic
[deleted]
Cardiac_markers: Have you thought about counseling/therapy for your attention seeking behavior?
Sojox137: No. For months, I didn't do any major attention seeking. It improved drastically. I just kinda 'relapsed' last night. In this context, relapsing by returning to my attention seeking behavior.
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1668854935 | 1668952960 | t3_yz96mz | t5_2to41 | 18 | FlowingDebris: TIFU by letting monster energy get inside my phone
Bought a broken iPhone x for $100 AUD, then I got the screen repaired for $140.
The same day I had got it repaired, I put my phone inside my friends bag. We had bought a few cans of monster and had them inside the bag also. Unfortunately, somehow one of the cans had been stabbed. It leaked without our knowledge.
My friend had a camera and lens borrowed from the photography room in my school, so we were worried about that above all else. I wiped the phone off and shrugged it off as it was still responsive.
A few hours later, my phone starts ghost touching very bad. It also starts showing signs of malfunctioning pixels on the edges. I powered it off out of fear and went to bed.. the next day the screen did not come on.
I took the phone back to the repair shop, and there was the tiny droplets of monster on the inside of my phone. I had to pay $100 and now its all good.
Tldr: monster can had been stabbed on the shelves, friend put it inside backpack after he purchased it without knowing it was damaged. It leaked onto my newly repaired iPhone and caused the whole screen to stop working.
ToastyMcGiblets: That sucks, glad it's fixed now. You probably know this, but in the future try to immediately put it in rice or something similar such as oatmeal, or with some silica gel packs. They will pull the moisture out and ideally minimize or mitigate the damage.
FlowingDebris: I honestly didn’t even think that it was inside my phone, then when I seen it inside my heart dropped lmao.
Thanks for the advice, hopefully I won’t need it for a good while lmao.
lonelywarewolf: Did you think of putting it in rice lol
FlowingDebris: I already said that it had slipped my mind that it was inside the phone, so I didn’t think of putting it in rice
lonelywarewolf: Oopsie
| 6 | 3 | |
1668857833 | 1668858481 | t3_yz9xjz | t5_2to41 | 12 | ahhhmyears: TIFU by not installing pressure plates on my doors in Minecraft
I have been playing Minecraft for years but this is the first world I went tryhard on. First world I got full perfect enchanted diamond gear (I know I should've had Netherite but I was working on it). First time defeating both the Wither and the End Dragon. First time having as many levels as I had at one time, which was 91. A big achievement for me all around.
So there I was, in my huge house, surrounded by cleared out land with torches everywhere, and I sort of walked away from the game for a bit and forgot about it. Now this is pretty typical, I have several AFK farms and at the time was just waiting for some crops to grow in the area. I mean, in my own house I should be pretty safe right?
But I left my door open.
Now don't ask me why I hadn't already installed pressure plates on my doors. I don't rightfully know. Just never got around to it amidst prepping for the End. But sure enough, 5 hours and a nap later, I saw the screen that honestly took me a few minutes to even process.
"You have died! My name was slain by Zombie."
And of course, since I was afk 5 hours, by the time I checked back, everything I dropped had disappeared. My perfect diamond gear, all with mending and customized names I had grown emotionally attached to? Gone. All 91 levels I could've spent a million different ways? Gone. All of the love in my heart? Yep, you can bet that's gone too.
I don't totally think I'm giving up on this world yet, as much as I want to. But the first order of business is installing some fucking pressure plates on my doors.
TL;DR I lost perfect enchanted gear and 91 levels because I afk'ed in my house with the door open and got killed by a zombie.
SuperSyrias: this is your chance to go real tryhard and grind all of it back instead of just using cheats to get it back and then carrying on.
ahhhmyears: fueled by pure spite and a bit of self-hatred, I will redeem myself
| 3 | 4 | |
1668858944 | 1668861696 | t3_yza7z0 | t5_2to41 | 11 | [deleted]: TIFU By Letting A Stranger Change My Tire
[deleted]
Mlkbird14: Thanks for sharing your story. This will help other people see the signs next time. Luckily no one was hurt and you're inconvenienced but alive. Sadly many people are driven to do awful things out of desperation and others are just assholes. Assume they were desperate and don't lose faith out there while traveling. There are lots of great people.
Ixneigh: Why was it deleted?
Mlkbird14: Hm. No idea. That's a bummer. That was actually worth reading on this sub.
Ixneigh: Quick rundown?
Mlkbird14: Her wife and her were targeted while driving in Chile. A guy popped her tire and then when she went to fix the flat, he "offered" to help by taking their purses and backpack and hopping into a get away car.
Ixneigh: Oh that sucks. Maybe I’m jaded but there are few places in central, South America I’d go just by myself or with another woman. But I suppose it could have happened with x guy there too.
| 7 | 1.571429 | |
1668832448 | 1668887874 | t3_yz3kqn | t5_2to41 | 11 | DoggoLikesStrawberry: TIFU by being the only one who counted measures
For a bit of context, I’m a band kid, both of my electives taken up by band. I play the flute and tenor saxophone for my school, and as an extra thing I’m in the jazz band that takes place after/before school. Most of the time the jazz band plays at school events, festivals, dances, or just to be entertainment. At the time of this short story, the school was hosting a festival, and the jazz band was required to play at the start. We had set up on an outside stage, and we were playing through songs easily, sure I missed a few notes, but otherwise I was doing okay.
We were on our last song, the best, the loudest, the jazziest song we could muster. I was counting measures, 1 by 1 I was getting closer to my sections part, I bring my saxophone to my face, ready to play one of the coolest parts of the song, finally, I hit 4. I blow loud and clear into my horn, but nobody else in my section plays, soon, I trail off in horror as I think ‘What have I done?!’ I had messed up in front of over 100 people. My friends, my peers, people I looked up to in the crowd had watched me fail so horribly. Until the rest of my section caught up on the next section, I sat there confused until it set in on me, I was quite literally the only one who had played at the right time, and I had messed it up even then.
I will never forgive them for this.
TL;DR I was the only one who played my part because apparently saxophones can’t count measures.
Itirpon: It's Jazz. You know where they'll be on the "next" measure so you run a few funky notes that lead 'em and then go bonkers with a whatever the hell you want solo till they get back on your time.
It's only wrong when you think it's wrong instead of different and hesitate instead of play.
DoggoLikesStrawberry: Yeah, the problem was that I cannot solo at all since I’ve just joined them, it was also a really popular song, so I’m sure people would notice what’s wrong.
Itirpon: If they noticed that the rest of the crew has no rhythm, then you're absolved.
And now you know what to get them all for Christmas: Metronomes. :)
| 4 | 2.75 | |
1668867811 | 1668873951 | t3_yzd0dc | t5_2to41 | 106 | [deleted]: TIFU when my dad made a bet with me
[deleted]
skullyfrost40: So you should have went further and said "that will be $100 per cig". Lol
remarkably-done: I tried to do $100 per pack. My negotiation skills were nothing compared to his.
skullyfrost40: Well at least you tried.
| 4 | 26.5 | |
1668868981 | 1668928078 | t3_yzdf24 | t5_2to41 | 3,025 | ThatSwampWitch: TIFU by thinking this birthday was any different
So I haven't did anything for my birthday since I was 12 and my parents had my party at celebration station (think Chuck E. Cheese with go karts) and not a single person came so I'm at the end of the table with this huge cake,piles of tokens and one present. The workers were awesome, I remember having a blast with one of the girls who worked there and played every game with me and ran through the obstacle courses and go karts too. I didn't want that hurt again so I never planned anything since... until this year. I figured it's been over 2 decades and a different group of friends so surly it wouldn't happen again, right? WRONG! I planned and bought tickets to an event 6 months ago and in the past week everyone started dropping out. EVERY.. SINGLE... PERSON... The final one to drop out was this morning an hour before the event.
I am now sobbing in my car feeling like that 12 yr old all over again. I have no money to change plans and the tickets aren't refundable :(I don't know why I thought this year was different. guess it's my birthday and I can cry in my car with no cake or friends if I want to.
TL;DR I am sobbing on my birthday because I didn’t expect to be ditched on my birthday again by everyone last minute
Edit: WOW I never got gold before THANK YOU 🥹
For the ones asking for my Cashapp it’s $TeejBea I did not expect anything from this post except to vent but thank you ALL for all the kind words and whatever money I get sent I’m going to use it to throw a party for me and my 4 rescue dogs because I know they won’t flake 💕
Edit 2: I will be on twitch tonight if anyone wants to drop in and have a party in my stream’s comments. [My Twitch Page](https://twitch.tv/teejbea) (TeejBea)
7Pm CST
Edit 3: My niece surprised me by picking out paint and wooden nutcrackers that we ended up painting together 💕 🥹
A_JediBotanist: Wow, I'm sorry to hear that this happened to you. You have my warmest sympathies and my best well-wishes moving forward. Its your birthday and I do hope that somehow it turns into a happy one!
ThatSwampWitch: Thank you 😊
RainbowGallagher: What's your cash app?
I donate plasma 2x a week and usually give the money to my cousin who's falsely imprisoned for manslaughter. Just found out that little shit sold the books I bought and had shipped to him.. didn't even read them!
So idk this post pulled at my heartstrings, lemme know your username so I can send some money. Lap dance, on me
I_Cannot_Die: I wouldn't take it too personally, prison is survival mode in a lot of ways and your cousin probably sold them for things that felt more pressing in the moment. I'm glad you're looking out for him.
Princesskhalifa89: I second this. My BIL has been in prison for 2 years for a DUI he got over a decade ago. He’s been clean and sober for 5 years, was the best father he could possibly be and every time he felt himself slipping he’d re-enter himself in rehab or a halfway house. Things are hard in prison and he could’ve sold the books for extra socks, a phone card, something to eat…little things that we take for granted are a major things in prison and it’s all insanely expensive. Think $12 for a bar of deodorant and $20 something for socks and underwear.
chaosperfect: I'm just curious, how did he end up going to prison now for an over ten year old DUI? Or at all? Isn't a DUI generally a fine?
ThatSwampWitch: I know someone who got 7 years and ended up doing 13 because they kept adding infractions while in there
Princesskhalifa89: He hasn’t had a single infraction. He was living his life strictly by the book when he was free, he’s been even more strict since being locked up. His only goal is to see his son everyday, like he did before. Regardless of how clean he is and has been he still failed his final drug test before getting transferred to satellite for EVERY drug. They restarted him the same day he got his results and he passed but the fact that he failed for everything one day then passed the next day is sus AF to me.
ThatSwampWitch: Sounds like a false positive or a chemical dump. If you have been clean for a few weeks at the end of your detox your body will dump whatever chemical that has been stored in your body.
Princesskhalifa89: That happens when you burn fat cells. You can’t test positive for something you’ve never done even when you start burning fat though. This guy wasn’t even slightly overweight going into jail, he was literally 6’1 230lbs of solid muscle when he went to prison. No kidding he spent more than 4 hours a day in the gym and ran 20 miles everyday for 5- 6 years. What you’re talking about could only happen to someone who was overweight and started working out, and even then it wouldn’t be every drug it would only be drugs that had been stored in their fat cells. All that to say, you’re right..except that it wouldn’t be every drug, but it wouldn’t apply to him bc he was and is in top physical form. Honestly if he had enough talent he could’ve played a professional sport when he was arrested and still could now. There couldn’t have been a drug carrying fat cell left in his body.
ThatSwampWitch: I hate the system. They never double check anything they just take everything at face value :(
| 12 | 252.083333 | |
1668870443 | 1668899036 | t3_yzdy4r | t5_2to41 | 1,019 | BikerJedi: TIFU by shutting down an entire airline in 1997, costing them six figures.
Reposted from 8 years ago with moderator permission.
While in college, pursuing a degree in Information Systems, I got a job at now defunct Western Pacific airlines. It was basically a paid internship to do all sorts of computer related stuff. They were a small airline based in Colorado Springs, CO, and then later in Denver. They attempted to take over Frontier airlines and went bankrupt in 1998.
One day before I left work, my boss gives me several long Ethernet cables and tells me "Go patch in the new modems into the computer network." He liked to test me in ways like this from time to time. So I head down to the data room.
Now, I think it is important that you know that I had only been in a real data room twice before, and I had never worked in one. The boss knew this, and wanted to see if I could figure it out on my own or not. For those that don't know, data rooms have raised floors so you can run cables under the floor tiles, lots and lots of racks of computer equipment, tons of AC to keep it all cool, etc.
Anyway, I walk in, find the modem bank, find several modems that have no cables attached. I look at the ones that are wired in, follow the cables, figure out what switch they are plugged into, and wire up the new modems just like those. Power them up and see them connect to the switch on the local network. Then I replace the floor tiles I pulled up and head home for the day.
The next day I come in to work after class is out and my badge doesn't work. The guard tells me to wait. A minute later my boss and two security guards show up and escort me to the CEO's office. No one will talk to me and I'm freaking out. Inside the office, besides the CEO, are the CIO, CFO, my boss and the two bosses above him. They start questioning me.
What did I do yesterday at the end of the day? Did I get the modems working? Did I remove floor tiles? Did I notice anything out of the ordinary? Long story short, I had somehow kicked loose the power cable for the main pyramid server that ran the entire airline. They had no redundancy built into the network for that server. So for 45 minutes, WestPac could do nothing. They couldn't sell tickets, make reservations, board planes, take off, etc. Nothing. I inconvenienced thousands of people. I was told I cost the airline somewhere around $200,000. I don't know if that is accurate or not. Eventually someone noticed that the server had no power and plugged it back in. The airline was back up and running a few minutes later.
I didn't lose my job over that. They all had a good laugh, and admonished me to be more careful in the future. I suggested that they find a way to lock the cable down, but they rejected that idea. Maybe that kind of thinking is what led them to bankruptcy. I wasn't there at the end.
TL;DR: Disconnected a server by accident, the entire company went offline for 45 minutes.
yanbu: My first job out of college was at Boeing. While I was there a guy I worked with someone accidentally plugged a cable from a switch back into itself and took down the entire building’s network. Thousands of people, including the AOG engineering team were suddenly not able to work. The networking team couldn’t figure out what had happened, so they eventually just told everyone who worked in the building to go home and work from there if you could. It’s funny how fragile we allow critical infrastructure to be sometimes.
BikerJedi: A competent network engineer would have seen where the packets were getting lost and should have been able to figure the problem out. Crazy.
yanbu: Well this was almost 20 years ago at this point, no idea what kind of tools they had back then. And they did get it figured out eventually. Funny stuff though.
BikerJedi: It would have been routine. Figure out where the packets are getting lost, then go physically check the device if a remote reboot doesn't work or can't be performed. Follow standard troubleshooting. Check the cables, hard reboot it, etc. You would eventually notice it was plugged into itself if you check and trace all the cables.
wyrdough: Sure, it's that easy if the loop is actually at the switch or rack of switches. If it's some random place out in the building or worse a particular PC happens to have multiple network cards plugged into separate ports and someone inadvertantly enabled bridging on them, it can be a lot harder to find.
BikerJedi: Also true.
| 7 | 145.571429 | |
1668871454 | 1668892315 | t3_yzebgz | t5_2to41 | 33,326 | [deleted]: TIFU by searching for child porn
So I'm probably on a list now based on a completely innocent mistake. There was a television show that aired between the years 1987 and 1997 called Married with children. It starred Ed O'Neill and Katey Sagal as husband and wife. Katey played a character called Peggy who was the first MILF I can ever recall. Anyway fast forward 20+ years and I see a short gif of a porn scene in which Lauren Phillips is dressed up as Peggy and is amazoning the fuck out of another porn star dressed up as Bud (The son from the show, or 'step' son in this clip). I thought this was very hot, I need to see the full video. So I innocently Google 'Married with children porn parody' and at the top of the search results is a warning from Google to seek help for my sickness. I'm probably on a list now and having my internet traffic monitored so that's fun.
TL;DR I tried to find a porn parody of the TV show Married with children and Google thought I was searching for child porn
pmabz: This is the message at top of search results when I did the same search:
Warning
Child sexual abuse imagery is illegal
If you see sexually explicit imagery of under 18s, report it.
If you need anonymous support to stop viewing this illegal material, you can seek help.
Learn more
Report at report.iwf.org.uk
Seek help at stopitnow.org.uk
mygoditsfullofstars2: Yeah I doubt this kicks off any sort of personalized FBI investigation.
Ahielia: If you can find literal cp through a simple Google search, the FBI should go after Google instead.
Magnusg: Ok now that's some dumb shit right there. I get people saying something like, well if it's on prime it's Amazon's fault etc but Google just returns what's out there on the interwebs it crawls other people's sites.
Probably the warning shows up so that Google doesn't return any images with that kind of search to protect themselves in that accidental incident but Google as a search isn't like Amazon prime as a service.
Colddigger: What?
You mean Google isn't THE internet??
/S
Magnusg: I know most people get it, but it's not like I said it for no reason. The parent comment is right there.
a_banana_a_day: Ok now that's some dumb shit right there. They can crawl whatever sites they want but they still control the results they return and facilitating access is as bad as distributing.
Fortunatly Google search results nowdays are tigthly controller.
minesaka: Ok, now that's some dumb shit right there.
I could make a post on any website featuring such content and give it unique enough keywords to be easily found on google, as long as the keywords aren't related to the crime. They can't control shit until a human reports it.
kimmielicious82: serious question:
don't they have some ai that scans and filters pictures/video thumbnails?
i get that with that they can't get out 100%. but a majority?
InSearchOfMyRose: There's a database of hashes of known child pornography (not the image, just the unique number that it produces when you run the image through some math). A lot of organizations scan things they host against that database. But you can probably spot the limitation: it only recognizes images that it has already seen before.
Astral_Surfer: What if you compress or crop the image/video, or change the file in any tiny way? The hash would surely be different, would it not?
InSearchOfMyRose: I'm not 100% sure how it works, but it's clever. When you're doing something like this, usually one of the first steps is to massively drop the resolution so it's just blocks of color, then build a hash based on the relationships between the blocks. It would lead to increased false positives, but it's easy enough for someone to check the unsure ones. Image analysis is a really cool topic that I know very little about, but one of these days I'll do a deep dive.
| 13 | 2,563.538462 | |
1668871958 | 1668895024 | t3_yzeiee | t5_2to41 | 58 | [deleted]: TIFU by accepting free school hot chocolate or buying a brownie. (my storytelling is bad sorry)
[deleted]
ComfortableGlad2493: I’m sorry this happened. Cream cheese brownie sounds more likely to me. I’m lactose intolerant and that would mess me up too
LurksAroundHere: Hot chocolate can also cause this. Definitely found out about that a few years too late, wondering why I was in distress so many times in 6th grade after having a hot chocolate many times in the morning.
ComfortableGlad2493: True. Do you make your hot chocolate with water or milk?
LurksAroundHere: I used to have different kinds (Swiss Miss with hot water, and a convenience store one with milk) and both seemed to hit pretty hard lol.
ComfortableGlad2493: Me and my daughter have been debating about how to make it was just curious how other people do it. It never occurred to me the mix itself could be the devil
LurksAroundHere: Me neither! One time my cousin had a hot chocolate in college and told me how she had to run to the bathroom during an exam because of it and all of a sudden my middle school years suddenly clicked. I didn't realize I was drinking the devil's mix all that time haha
| 7 | 8.285714 | |
1668876940 | 1668879918 | t3_yzgecn | t5_2to41 | 17 | ChaoticQuixotic42: TiFU asking my not-boyfriend to move in via poem written after listening to too much Hozier
Be honest, how cringe did I go? Wrote while sober, 37F to 38M. Know eachother for 13 years, long distance situationship.
When I was young; I laid in bed at night fantasizing about you. Replaying each kiss, each touch over and over again. Hungry for every little morsel. Now when I’m in bed, thinking of you, I imagine you sitting there beside me. Quietly catching up on the news, occasionally sharing pieces of our finds like holding out shiny baubles to one another.
I find myself sleeping in the middle of the bed to be closer to your side. Because it is your side. Even when you aren’t there.
When I was young; I’d follow you anywhere. Social anxiety be damned. A sea of strangers, a distant strange place. Jump off a cliff, and I’d jump too. Just a chance to see your face, to share the same air as you. Now I hunt, I search. Not for you. Not for where you will be. But for parts of the world to share with you. A view, a taste, a song. Without even meaning to, I do it. You color my every day.
A host of minutiae that if tangible would drown me as they pile around. A mind like a hoarder's house. Wanting to share every bit with you.
When I was young; everything was life and death, everything or nothing. My whole being would light up, a specter too great to contain in my mortal body. Knee brushing knee, a held hand. Eyes closed to savor every sensation. Over the years something new took shape. Not replacing the fire, but growing along with it. Now the fire remains, but around it has grown a hearth. A home. A feeling of rightness, comfort, peace. My eyes still close at your touch, a touch I will never stop savoring. Now the fire is contained. No longer bursting out through my skin, it is exactly where it belongs.
The music is quiet when I’m with you. Not the calm in the storm, but the familiarity and excitement of rapids ridden over and over again.
When I was young; I thought I had to mold myself to you. Be what you wanted, what you needed, what I imagined I should be. So focused on shrinking and shaping myself into some fictional person. Telling myself I wasn’t, would never be, good enough. Now I know I was a fool. I had to stand out of my own way and become. Become whole, create my own space. Full, and good, and right. Hopes and dreams not hung outside myself, but within.
I am whole, I am me, beautiful flaws and all.
When I was young; I was terrified. Dying alone, living alone. Being unloved, being unlovable. Every choice made from a place of fear, of desperation. Digging deeper and deeper until the light was gone and there was no way out. Trying to cling to someone to find my way to the surface. Now that hole is filled. Now I stand in the sunlight, all on my own. Tethered to so many things. A thousand threads, massive and miniscule, never relying on any. Now I have peace, and happiness, and a home; wherever I may be.
The desperation, the need, is gone.
When I was young; I was so very young. I understood so little. Now I know I don’t need you. My life would go on. There would be ups and downs, but I would be happy. Now when I ask you to be a part of my life I am not a half seeking something missing. I ask because I cannot imagine anything better. Every beautiful piece of my life is made better with you in it. You are fire, and warmth, and peace, and home. Every inch of my being has curves and spaces only for you. I have no desire to cut or sand them to allow someone else to take that place. I am whole as I am. And the whole of me wants to embrace the whole of you, beautiful flaws and all.
When I was young; I could imagine nothing better than a life with the idea, the fantasy, of us. Now my eyes are open, and my heart is imperfectly laid at your feet. Your side of the bed is yours, even when you are not there. Even when time has moved, and the world has changed, and I become old and gray. So make a home with me. Climb into your side of the bed and stay.
Stay.
Because when I was young I loved you with the wildness and reckless abandon of youth, passion, and infatuation. And now I love you with the wisdom of time, with deep understanding, and with a passion that has grown even stronger than the day I first saw you. I make no promises. Only that I will wake up each and every day beside you, whether it be a handful of moments over the years, or thousands upon thousands, and love you wholly, deeply, and more and more every time.
TL;DR all in the title, sappy poem to a situationship
M0u53m4n: Really beautiful writing. If someone wrote me that I'd give them my kidney. Don't be ashamed. It's really lovely.
ChaoticQuixotic42: Thank you
M0u53m4n: Also, you may want to have a direct conversation regarding moving in. I doubt he'll pick this up via the poem alone 😆
ChaoticQuixotic42: I know that's true. I've been rehearsing the convo a million different ways. I don't see him in person for another month, but will have the proper talk then.
| 5 | 3.4 | |
1668877186 | 1669248525 | t3_yzghne | t5_2to41 | 217 | throwawayacc5675: TIFU by dancing to a tiktok sound.
My gf and I were on the phone this morning and they sung a new trending tiktok sound. The sound goes “dance if you gay bruce”. When I danced they told me to stop dancing because the song “isn’t for me” and I’m not allowed to. I’m a girl. I am bi-sexual. I become very confused and asked “how am I not gay when im dating you?”. They explained that bi-sexual people are not apart of the LGBTQ community and you aren’t gay unless you’re strictly into the same gender. I laughed at them and made some sarcastic comments so now they’re and went to sleep so we can’t talk. I’ve always known I was bi-sexual but never accepted it because I was brought up by a strictly Christian family. Is my gf correct?. If so then I feel bad for laughing at them. My gf uses they/them. TL;DR
fob_eater: I thought the B in LGBTQ stood for Bi. Is that not the case?
Bubbly_Queen_Hoe: It does, the gf is just biphobic
CodeIsWeird: She's scared of bi people?
Bubbly_Queen_Hoe: It means that the gf doesn’t see her as equal in the lgbtq+ community because bi people are “straight passing” or “not really a part of the lgbt+”
CodeIsWeird: But a phobia is an irrational fear. Isn't the right phrase "she sees bi as lesser"?
blueeyedpixxie: Have you not heard of homophobia?
CodeIsWeird: I have but I thought I was a fear of being gay
blueeyedpixxie: It's classified as a "fear or dislike of gay people"
CodeIsWeird: Okay so I was right
blueeyedpixxie: Kind of, but not fully
DarkBlueBear13: Honestly, though, that's always been a pet peeve of mine. Don't call it a phobia if it's just irrational bigotry and hatred. There's no fear in that, surely? Maybe I'm the irrational one, but it feels to me like somebody dropping a skittle and then going "omg I have to pick this up, I am just *so* OCD."
It's not like something that truly bothers me, but I get where the other guy is coming from. Phobia has generally always meant an irrational fear to me.
| 12 | 18.083333 | |
1668878825 | 1668901935 | t3_yzh4jr | t5_2to41 | 1,321 | [deleted]: TIFU by using treats to distract my dog and now I have to choose between him and my GF
[deleted]
jaydesterr: I mean she sounds great but it's only been a few months and you've had your dog for ?years? He's family at this point.
2525Nii: To be family you have to be trusted to not wring the necks of other family members while nobody is watching.
Same reason Cousin Jeff doesn't hang around anymore, although the guy *was* pretty funny after a couple drinks.
Catshannon: To be fair to the big dog, the little one might have deserved it.
Happens a lot where the little dog is a complete shit and gets away with it because they are little.
Seen it plenty of times where the little dog starts it and the big dog gets tired of it but gets blamed
Scoobz1961: I mean what do you think the small dog did to deserve to be viciously attacked like that? Called the big dog a son of a bitch?
Catshannon: Well I have seen it first hand where a little dog will start shit. Start by nipping and getting in the big dogs space, bothering the big dog and eventually the big dog fights back and hurts the little dog. Also OP days they left food to keep them busy. I could definitely see a little aggressive dog trying to take food from the big one and the big one hurting it.
Not saying this is the case here but it happens often enough, especially with little hell demons known as chihuahuas.
Scoobz1961: I am not sure you are focusing on the right thing. Its not about whether the little dog did something or not, its the fact that nothing the little dog could have done would not make that attack justified.
Precisely this line from your original reply "To be fair to the big dog, the little one might have deserved it. " is the problem. No, the little dog could not have deserved it. No matter what it did or did not do.
Catshannon: It's like if some little dude picked a fight with a bigger guy and attacked him,but everyone says it's the bigger guys fault when he kicks the crap out of the little guy
Scoobz1961: Yes, it is like that. What, did you think that you can cause serious injury to other person just because they started the fight? You should review your local laws.
Catshannon: Self defense. If you are minding your own business and somebody attacks you and you beat them up its on them. Same applies here, plenty of times it's the horrible little dog that starts it
Scoobz1961: Thats not how self defense actually works. Go and read your local laws. As in really. You cannot cause death or serious injury in self defense unless you have reasonable belief your live is in danger. I dont know your local law, so maybe its different where you are from, which is why you should double check that.
| 11 | 120.090909 | |
1668881223 | 1668994515 | t3_yzi20c | t5_2to41 | 1,336 | zeldamuffin: TIFU by eating out
So my girlfriend and I recently attended a family get together of mine consisting of most of my family members, the event was held at my grandparents house where I used to stay over every couple weeks growing up.
​
Everything is going well, good party, it was nice meeting a lot of my family that I hadn't seen in a while, although some of them don't know that we're dating and probably shouldn't find out at an event like this, (we're both women and some of them might not be a fan of that).
​
So anyway as the party started to heat up a bit more I started to get a bit overwhelmed so we went back to my old bedroom and hung out there for a little while, we talked about the different things in the room and we shared stories from growing up, and then eventually we started to have sex.
​
Sex was going well and at one point we swapped positions and I started to eat her out, and then we hear a knock on the door ***IMMEDIATELY*** followed by the door opening, it's my aunt, my aunt who is quite traditional and doesn't even like straight people having sex before marriage, and there I am, her precious innocent niece almost completely naked with a mouthful of another woman's pussy.
​
We're all absolutely mortified, she yells out of shock, my girlfriend jumps out of bed and covers herself up, and I'm just lying there.
​
My aunt just left the room and went back to speaking with her husband.
​
My girlfriend and I quietly left the party and went home.
​
TL;DR: Attended family event, Aunt who doesn't know I'm in a same-sex relationship caught me eating out my girlfriend.
​
EDIT: I should probably clarify, the event was almost entirely outside and I couldn't think of any reason for someone to come inside and all the way across the decently large-ish house to come to my bedroom.
​
EDIT 2: The door does not have a lock, and the room was never repurposed and is still mine for me to use whenever I am there, also the Aunt who walked in on us is not the same Aunt as the one who I accidentally sent a naked photo to in a previous post of mine.
mrssuga_7: You aunt should've waited after knocking. There's a reason to why knocking-culture exist. She saw what she needs to see and that's on her cause room is literally a private space.
At least be glad you don't gotta think of a way to explain your family about the relationship :) Hope things get better for you!
MakeMeOolong: Your argument about the so called knocking-culture would only be valid if OP was in her own bedroom, or in the toilet. Not in someone else's house, where she doesn't live anymore, during a family gathering.
zeldamuffin: It *is* my bedroom
Mayzerify: Your old bedroom where you no longer sleep or live.
zeldamuffin: It's still mine
pak9rabid: So what, you’re paying rent for it or
something?
zeldamuffin: No they just haven't done anything with the room
MakeMeOolong: You're missing the point. The only fact that they haven't done anything with it yet doesn't mean it's still yours, or that they should behave as if you were still living there.
Stop acting like an ungrateful child...
zeldamuffin: > The only fact that they haven't done anything with it yet doesn't mean it's still yours
No but my grandmother explicitly telling me it's still my room if I ever want to come and visit again does mean it's still mine.
MakeMeOolong: Very well, you're right. Your aunt is an awful person and she should definitely apologise for catching you fuck in a perfectly appropriate time and space without locking the door. Please accept my apology.
| 11 | 121.454545 | |
1668881563 | 1668882166 | t3_yzi6rb | t5_2to41 | 27 | shit-yourself: TIFU by accidentally flushing my dick and balls and clogging the piping at work
[removed]
DrillYoCheeks: The fuck did i just read?
newaccount252: A load of bs
| 3 | 9 | |
1668883062 | 1668885321 | t3_yzirne | t5_2to41 | 20 | Motor-Sail-1358: TIFU by getting sick
So basically I am 17 (M) and I was getting ready to run at a national cross country meet. The meet was taking place in Arizona, and I live in Colorado, so we would have to drive for about two days to get there. My dad had packed a bunch of stuff for me to take, but he made sure to especially remind me to take the medicine (iodine, multivitamins, etc.) that he packed for me, to make sure I wouldn’t get sick. Now, since I’m a stupid high schooler, I basically waved off his comments, because at the time I was only thinking “I get to go on a trip with my friends to hang out in a hotel in Arizona.”
Skip about three days later, I wake up in my hotel bed in the middle of the night and my throat is KILLING me. I felt like I was dying of thirst, so I just took some water and went about my day. Of course, nothing changed, and I was beginning to get nervous, because the meet was tomorrow.
Then, I woke up today, and get ready to get humiliated at the meet. It didn’t go as bad as I thought, but I got 20:21, so about 1:54 slower than my PR.
TLDR; I didn’t listen to my dad, and neglected to take the medicine he gave me, and I got sick and ran a mediocre time at a national XC meet.
Edit: The race was a 5k which means about 3.125 miles, in case anyone wanted to know.
armcie: If the medicine was just vitamins then they are unlikely to have stopped you getting ill. What you need now is some actual medicine like a paracetamol (tylanol?)
Motor-Sail-1358: From what I remember, he told me he packed Iodine, Magnesium, and some multivitamins. I don’t know if there were any others, but those are the ones I remember he said.
| 3 | 6.666667 | |
1668885122 | 1668903012 | t3_yzjk64 | t5_2to41 | 152 | kishers_world: TIFU by trying to ruin my friends relationship
[removed]
Mordyth: Yep. Dick move. Positive thing is you're 16 or so. This immaturity thing should wear out in a few years. Leave the girl alone. She won't want anything to do with you while she's with the other dude. The only thing you accomplished is that they'll be banging like a drummer in a rock band soon enough- and you sped up the process by forcing her hand.
mynamesaretaken1: You'd thinkn kids grow out of it, but there's always Trump to prove you wrong
YungJohn_Nash: Man, I never would have been able to relate to this tale of teenage woes had it not been for your insightful political analogy. I just don't understand the world around me without relating it to politics, no matter how unrelated the matter at hand may be
mynamesaretaken1: I mean sure he's a politician, but he's also an infantile adult. I couldn't think of another as well known in the moment.
Zaknafeyn: I would say Kanye, but he's gone so far off the rails the last few months it might have gone from immaturity to lunacy
| 6 | 25.333333 | |
1668883973 | 1668891757 | t3_yzj426 | t5_2to41 | 4 | frikkatat: TIFU by missing my tuition deposit deadline and losing my school assignment to a snow squall
So I’m a first year animation major and I stupidly assumed that the deadline to pay for my $250 deposit for my winter semester’s tuition was way further down in the year. For the fall term deadline I got a ton of notifications from the school beforehand and figured they’d do something similar for the winter payment. Additionally the (outdated) important dates tab on my college’s website listed an incorrect deadline date that I thought was legit. Turns out I’m over a month late paying it and I’ll have to pay an extra $150. I’m finding this out on a weekend and I have no idea what the consequences will be for me until Monday when I can talk to the registrar.
While I’m finding this out and realizing how much of an idiot I am, I’m in the middle of shooting a traditionally animated scene for one of my classes. I got distracted and had to reshoot all 288 frames of it because I messed up the timing and order. The software we use is super janky and doesn’t allow you to edit frames after they’ve been photographed. I’m super nervous about the deadline but since I’m basically useless until Monday as far as getting it fixed I resign myself to work off the anxiety by powering through and finally finishing my project.
Fast forward a bit and as I’m walking back to my dorm a snow squall picks up and the folder and papers that contain my animation get bent and crinkled by the wind, and some of the papers fly out into the snow. Most of it is unsalvegable and the project is due 8 AM sharp Monday. Fuck.
TL;DR I missed my tuition deposit deadline by over a month thus ruining my weekend and to add insult to injury the project I’ve been busting my ass on for the past two weeks just got destroyed by the wind and my own stupidity.
AcrobaticSource3: So do you have to drop Out of school? Or just pay an extra late payment penalty?
frikkatat: I won’t really know until Monday but from what I can tell there’s a (pretty small) chance I could lose my seat in the program. If that doesn’t happen though I’ll hopefully just have to pay the fee and get a slap on the wrist. I didn’t miss the actual tuition payment, just the deposit that basically secures my spot for next semester. Some of my classmates had trouble paying the first semester’s deposit on time because of OSAP and they still kept their spot so fingers crossed. I’m just stressing out now because of the uncertainty and helplessness until I can get it fixed lol.
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1668893807 | 1668922310 | t3_yzmt1t | t5_2to41 | 27 | troubled_stranger: TIFU by trying to get back my vibrator [UPDATE]
[og post](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/yvipur/tifu_by_trying_to_get_back_my_vibrator/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Over the course of this week ive had to have a talk with my granny multiple times after school. It was a absolute pain because either my mind kept blanking or i just didnt want to talk about certain things. A few things that happened was me getting yelled at because i told my granny i didnt want anyone to touch me includinv family. (Yes i had to explain my SA experience and how it affected me. That didnt matter to her and she told me that i needed help for not wanting to hug my "mom" so i just gave up on that regard and will from now on try to avoid it as much as i can)
Everything else was pretty mediocre and was a mostly lose situation on my end. Of course, she didnt care about the vibrator and told me she'd buy a new one for me if she had to when i asked her if she could keep it instead of my "mother" since i was paranoid she mightve used it since she took it. (Yes this was out of paranoia thanks to those disgusting comments saying that my "mother" will have a fun time with it. I do not apprieciate those who commented that.)
Nothings really changed for me except for the fact my granny is going to talk to my mother about the way she treats me and to finallh have her listen for once. I doubt this would or ever will work because my mom is a narcissist but she tried so A for effort.
The conversation went fine so my heart dropping to my ass wasnt that big of a deal thankfully. I was just lectured on some things aside from the wntire situation. Ill ask my mom if i can get my vibrator back and then wash it vigorously. Thanks for the responses on my situation.
TL;DR got talked to afterwards, everything was fine. Gonna ask for my vibrator back again now that my mom has calmed down and my granny has given the okay
Peekaboo_Kelly: There is nothing wrong with using a vibrator. It’s very healthy for you to learn what you like and do t like. It’s also a great stress relief. At least for me it is.
Speadraser: Yes I’m moderation. Too much and I mean “bad habit status” can lead to desensitization. Its comes back but you have to put it away for a while. Manual is the best imho
Ixixly: There's not much evidence to back this up, there is an exceedingly rare chance of it causing desensitization or dependency issues. Please don't go spreading this sort of thing without having actual proof to back it up.
| 4 | 6.75 | |
1668895781 | 1668941312 | t3_yznj49 | t5_2to41 | 27 | TanrynWelshDancer: TIFU by experiencing a romcom style fall in front of my entire school
This didn't happen today but I've finally gotten over the embarrassment of it to be able to speak about it.
Early this year, my school had this random singer come in to sing about anti bullying or whatever. All of my year was there, so about 150 students.
I came to the hall from a class with none of my friends in, so I was sat between these two men id never spoken to in my life (but still knew). As all the other classes were coming in, I spotted 2 of my friends going into the same row I was in. They gestured for me to come and sit next to them.
So I stood up and grabbed my bag. For context, the rows of chairs were extremely close together and everyone had their bags in front of them as they couldn't fit underneath the chairs.
I tried walking through these bags. I fell over. I got back up again and fell over again. This time onto the person next to me's lap. At this point I was humiliated. I was shouting and accidentally pulled this girls hair (who I knew) trying to grab onto a chair in front of me.
I semi crawled all the way to my friends as I wasn't risking another great fall. I was shouting to them out of pure embarrassment (I didn't know what to do), naturally turning even more heads. There were at least 3 rows of people who saw this take place
Then I had to listen to a mashup of Stacy's mom and teenage dirtbag whilst trying not to cry out of humiliation. And you know what? Maybe my skirt even rode up as I fell. It probably did knowing my luck.
Now every time I look at this one guy from my school, both he and I know what happened that fateful afternoon.
So. If you ever think you know what hell feels like. Think again.
TL;DR fell over onto a guy I hardly knew at a 'concert', had the most embarrassing day of my life
BooleanIsWrong: I’m sure no one will actually remember that, or even blame you. Your most embarrassing day of your life is certainly to come another day.
TanrynWelshDancer: Yeah - I've gotten over the embarrassment by now and I know the most embarrassing day of my life will be far worse than this (I have tendancy to get into very precarious situations)
| 3 | 9 | |
1668896944 | 1668899773 | t3_yzny9b | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU my fiance found my reddit account with thirsty astrology comments
[deleted]
[deleted]: So you like a Taurus 😉
throwawaysalmonsally: No, I don't know a Taurus.
[deleted]: Lol I’m not a Taurus
| 4 | 1 | |
1668898891 | 1668967846 | t3_yzontc | t5_2to41 | 63 | Zealousideal_Wheel44: TIFU trynna get in bed with my flat mates mom when she was staying in our spare room
[removed]
bigbaltic: Why can't you sleep in your own room after drinking?
Zealousideal_Wheel44: Partner gets annoyed
harleyspoison267: Do you snore really bad after drinking or are there bigger issues? Sorry this happened man, sounds completely innocent. At least you didn't get naked first like i usually do before crawling into bed. Did your flatmate understand?
Zealousideal_Wheel44: Yeah snoring and general drunken behavior. Partner has no time for it.
harleyspoison267: My fiance has sleep apnea and when he drinks it's really loud and awful so I can sympathize. Also he talks a lot and sometimes whacks me accidentally in his sleep and all that gets worse when he's drunk lol
| 6 | 10.5 | |
1668900195 | 1668945140 | t3_yzp585 | t5_2to41 | 471 | [deleted]: Tifu by asking my parents for help with the internet bill
[removed]
panicofgods: Is this the first bill you've missed? are you handling the other stuff?
If you're handling that, it's impressive as heck.
IDK why you aren't living at home, but as someone who lived away from home as soon as I turned 18, if you feel like going home isn't what you want to do, then don't. If you think you'd be ok going home, then do it, being on your own is FUCKING expensive and deciding to save money and going home IS NOT A FAILURE. I'm an engineer and I have coworkers with 6 figure salaries who live with their parents because rent is so expensive.
Also, ALSO if you have your own job and YOUR PARENTS ARE NOT SUPPORTING YOU (like this, perfect example) File your own taxes. It's easier than you think and the returns will help a lot. I am not kidding I waited three years to do this, fought the whole time with money, and cried when I got my first tax return.
If you decide to stay on your own make sure you are putting away a bit EVERY PAYCHECK for shit like this, even if it's only $5.
Your bank will likely let you own a savings account for free (with a minimum ballence) that you can move some of the money into to separate it from the *Everything Else* pool
In either case, it should be up to you.
Comfortable_Might920: This is the first bill I’ve missed. I do my best to be early on most things, it gives me anxiety.
My parents are great from a distance, but living with them is very difficult. They were really hard on me growing up, not abusive but just tough people in general.
But thank you! For your cudos, and your advice. I will try to make use of it. Saving is not my strong point
steyrboy: If you're strapped for cash, you can always ditch the internet completely and use your local library or school campus for internet. If you have a cell phone with an unlimited data plan you can turn on a wifi hotspot and just use that for the time being (or if your neighbor is cool maybe they'll let you leach for a bit off theirs). I moved out when I was 17, had 2 roommates, and shared the bills while in college. It was possible with a part-time job. Edit: If you DON'T have unlimited data, do not do this, it will skyrocket your mobile bill.
trade_my_onions: Unlimited data does not mean unlimited hotspot!!!!!
IvaPK: How?
trade_my_onions: Your plan will be different but for example on my T-Mobile unlimited plan I only have access to 40gb of hotspot. Which sounds like a lot but a computer will chew through that very fast.
PermanentBanNoAppeal: Custom rom with allow clients to use vpn in hotspot options. 1.1.1.1 + warp from the app store in warp mode. It's a little slower that nonvpn but it comes out of the mobile data bucket.
| 8 | 58.875 | |
1668900972 | 1668914301 | t3_yzpf4w | t5_2to41 | 57 | CHIEF2ID: TIFU by buying a plane ticket for a girl
So I find myself in an extremely fortunate position in life for work. Currently in Las Vegas for a convention and staying through the weekend in a 1.5m $ airbnb, pool, hot tub, view of the strip, the works. I'm feeling pretty good but it would be nice to have someone to share it with right? I've been single for 3 years now and I'm not confident enough in my game to walk the strip and pick someone up to bring back so I generally take the easy conversations with friends of my group that are single or women who approach me. This time around my boss is flying his new girlfriend out who happened to have a friend who worked with her. The friend was also wanting to come out to Vegas and bosses gf was begging for a plane ticket for her also. Boss refused to cave but looked at me and said do you want some company for the weekend? I asked who he had and after exchanging pictures and a few indirect messages through him she asks for my phone number. After a few days of talking this girl seems to really like our conversations and was really into me so I offered to fly her out. She agrees and her conversation turns off sexual starting with ok I hope you're alright with holding hands and cuddling in the hottub then to sharing a bed and cuddling all weekend and moving all the way up to I'm going to fuck your brains out this weekend to say thank you for flying me out all coming from her with no prompting from me. This continues all the way up to the time she boards the plane. Smash cut to 2 hours later and this girl is on the ground and barely has anything to say to me. I think maybe she's just nervous, that's alright I get it. I do my best to work with the 1 to 2 words she's giving me and ask questions to help make the flow easier but she's just not working with me. Get back to the abnb and decide we are going to hang out in the hot tub. As I walk out her body language switches from open and laughing to closed and quiet. I sit close enough to hear her over the jets but not close enough to touch in case she was just shy but she just continued to retreat. Bed time rolls around and I offer to sleep elsewhere if she would like but she says no, I really want to cuddle. So I get comfortable and she comes out of the bathroom complaining about how hot it is and says she needs to step outside and cool off for a minute. An hour goes by and I come down to check on her. She says she's fine and just doesn't get a lot of alone time and that she would be up shortly. I tell her I understand and I'd see her in a bit. She comes up another 15 minutes later and says. yeah it's way too hot in here, cuddling isn't going to be a thing. I said it's cooler downstairs if you'd like to move down there. She say oh yeah let's put the couches together all excited so I head down and in about a minute have them together and go up to collect her and the pillows and blankets and she is "asleep" I just went to bed at this point
Yesterday morning she is totally standoffish and won't engage in conversation at all unless it with her friend or my boss or the other sales guys here. I write it off and begin to go about my weekend as if she weren't even there which was going extremely well up until last night and she started trying to fuck literally everyone else. She seriously slept with one of my coworkers last night. It's not the fact that she came down here and is acting a fool on my dime it's the fact that she didn't even have the human decency to say hey you know I just don't really think you and I are vibing or try to offer to pay back the plane ticket or even try and have simple conversation with me but has the gall to sit there and homie hop
I definitely fucked this one up
TLDR; simped and bought a ticket for a girl to join me on vacation just for her to act not interested and turn into a homie hopper
DayumnDamnation: Next time pay for a courtesan
CHIEF2ID: Facts $480 would have been much better spent there
AcrobaticSource3: You can still go, how many more days are you going to be there and what are the best strip clubs?
CHIEF2ID: I went to the rhino last night but as far as money goes I'm tapped out on this trip
| 5 | 11.4 | |
1668913239 | 1668961566 | t3_yztgf7 | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: TIFU by using the wrong bathroom on a school trip.
[deleted]
AcrobaticSource3: But if you’re NB aren’t you allowed to use either bathroom? I would think a liberal city like New York would allow it
Just-Initiative6741: Yes, but no. My school is pretty conservative and bathrooms are kind of a taboo subject.
essketitandyeetballs: if it makes you feel better, it wasnt a school bathroom, it was a panera bathroom. So if there’s a problem, it should be with the restaurant not the school. also it’s a bathroom, we all do the same (literally) shit in there. but i know school kids can be horrendous. good luck and remember, it gets waay better after high school!
RandoCalrissian11: It’s a school trip, falls under school rules and code of conduct. The school could expel him if they wanted to.
| 5 | 1.2 | |
1668915541 | 1668918706 | t3_yzu6f3 | t5_2to41 | 10 | [deleted]: TIFU by attempting to keep my “best friend” safe
[deleted]
TheFugitiveSock: One word. Paragraphs.
IM-BORED-101: Yeah sorry I’m not doing the best in LA as u can tell💀
Shenanigamii: Thank you for the TLDR...it just went on to confirm my suspicions and I am glad I didn't take the 30 minutes to read this.
| 4 | 2.5 | |
1668925898 | 1668932216 | t3_yzx62x | t5_2to41 | 10 | [deleted]: TIFU but it was actually two years ago that I fucked up by fucking my current IRL best friend in roblox and not knowing
[removed]
Disastrous-Guess1959: 
Wtf did i just read.......
Enok1_: Idek 😍😍😍
Disastrous-Guess1959: 
| 4 | 2.5 | |
1668931452 | 1668932164 | t3_yzylk9 | t5_2to41 | 3 | SpareWh0: TIFU By leaving my bag at the mailbox
It is November 17th, For a few months I’ve been anticipating the release of the new pokimans gaem (on purpose misspell). Recently been told by a friend the store was doing the midnight release. I was going with a friend who also purchased a copy and they provided a ride there and back to my house.
It was gonna be sweet beginning to kick off the three days I had requested off. Nothing, but playing nonstop while watching streamers. During the day I did my job to close a retail store, packed my belongings into my bag which have the following; 3x power banks, 1x 10ft lightning cable, 1x big chocolate chunk cookie, and a Nintendo Switch carrying case which harbors a Nintendo Switch v2 with a 512gb memory microsd card.
As soon as I get to the store I was a bit disappointed with the lack of line to the store. A midnight release was an experience to share the joy of a game coming out ,but I guess with local crime it was decided not to have a large crowd at front of the store entrance. From my bag I took out my receipt for proof of purchase. Went in the store flash the papers got my game, watch my friend get his, and said good night to the staff for their effort in providing a night release passed normal store hours. We went back to the car.
By the time I got home my friend reminded me to be sure I taken everything out of the car that’s mine. I proceeded so, I have a habit of bad memory of leaving things there and calling to check for them. Finally by the curbside of my home I’m rummaging through the mail with shopping bags on my wrist and my bag with everything on the ground leaning against the post. Without thought I go to my door, take my keys, lock the door behind me, and put everything on my bed at my room. Just as I’m about to rip open the plastic wrap on the game it donned on me. I should get my switch ready.
A few glances, PANIC, where’s the bag! Oh where’s the bag?! I retraced my pathing to how I entered my home. Then realization, MAILBOX, I ran to the curb only to see an empty view of the street nothing but wood of the post against the partial melted snowed lawn.
I was in denial frantically searching all corners of the rooms I’ve entered. Under my bed and blankets. I’ve called my friend to try to see if I had left it in the car even though he told me to take everything. Nevertheless by morning on my request he found nothing in the passenger or back seats. He even came over to see if I missed where I placed it. Truly the best friend I could ever deserve. By morning my phone died. After accepting the loss I’ve said I was gonna take the bus to the store and buy another Switch.
He offered me a ride to Walmart instead. We looked at the cards, toys, and finally the electronics department. About $380 in the hole for an OLED version Switch and lightning cable to bring life to my phone once more. Finally home where I would have been if I didn’t lose an equally expensive console in my haste to play in nostalgia.
Tl;dr I went to get a game on release night, it was a shorter wait time than expected. On my way home I left my bag with the means to play it. Go back outside for it to be gone. Not even trash day. Spend about $400 to buy another console. Game has performance issues but still fun easing my financial pain.
SnareXa: Somebody stole it in the middle of the night within a short time period?
Get some security cameras ASAP.
And if you're feeling vengeful; put out a bait package and catch the motherfucker in 4k (or a different mf, no way to know for sure)
SpareWh0: I live in a duplex house and the neighbors do have cameras (They’re reviewing it and are sending me the time I got back and went to check), but I think their parked cars covered the mailbox but not the left or right space of the street. Later in the morning I’ll make a report so the police can check pawnshops if anything gets turned in.
| 3 | 1 | |
1668931650 | 1668933121 | t3_yzynaw | t5_2to41 | 50 | Charking13: Tifu by screaming like a lunatic
Tifu by finally snapping
The backstory: As the title says Tifu. My wife, son and I have lived in this apartment complex for a year and a half now. Every weekend, and sometimes on the weekdays, from 5pm til 2am our neighbors downstairs play loud music. Normally this has been fine when one or both of us don't have to work in the morning. Annoying but fine. But when we do it's dreadful. She wakes up at either 4am or 5am so music going til 2am causes issues. At least 5 other neighbors have gone to them on numerous times asking them to turn down their music or turn it off. I've personally had to call the police once to make a noise complaint after knocking on their door for 10 minutes trying to get them to turn it down, since I had to work from home that day, but they never answered the door. I've seen cop cars come out at least 6 other occasions to tell them to turn it down.
How I effd up: Well tonight we had some family friends over and it was just past midnight and their music was shaking the plates in the cupboard like usual. Everyone was trying to go to sleep but I couldn't sleep because of the music. So me and all my infinite wisdom started doing jumping jacks. I'm a heavy set guy so I knew it would be loud af. They started banging on the ceiling trying to get to me stop and once they turned down their music I stopped and sat in my chair. 30 seconds later here they come knocking angrily wanting to know why I was being loud. So I told them to "stop and turn down their music because at this time it's just before one in the morning and I need to work in the morning and for all I know all the loud music may have something to do with my wife's constant headaches the next day after the music" and they kept trying to cut me off and over talk me so I slammed the door and went to sit back in my chair. About 20 seconds later they turned the music back up as loud as before and I did my jumping jacks again. Again 30 seconds later I hear knocking. This time they sent up, I think one of the son's girlfriends? Idk, to try and talk to me and I kept saying "It's one in the morning leave me alone I need to go to sleep" and she kept trying to justify why they should be able to keep doing it and I started getting louder and yelling "LEAVE ME ALONE IT'S ONE IN THE MORNING PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO SLEEP, I HAVE WORK IN THE MORNING LEAVE ME ALONE" and after the 4th time I snapped.....I effd up... I started screaming at the top of my lungs the same pharse over and over again and started trying to close the door but the son started trying to open the door and I slammed it hard af. It scared my wife, our friend and my wife's Godson hearing me scream like a damn lunatic like that...now that I've had some time to think about it I know I was in the wrong and I could've handled it better but in my half asleep mind and after 18 months of this I snapped. So now my wife is mad at me and doesn't want to talk to me, I already apologized to everyone because I know I was wrong but it doesn't fix the fact that I went off like a lunatic. I had to call the cops because I needed it on record that this was a noise complaint and found out if I go to the police station and get proof that this is a reoccurring issue I can go to the building managers and get them evicted. I don't wanna get to that point but if it does then so be it.
Tl;Dr. After every weekend for 18 months of listening to music til 2am I snapped in front of loved ones by yelling at the neighbors like a raving lunatic.
strawberrymorgs: I would’ve done the same thing
Charking13: I've never once in my life screamed like I did tonight. My throat actually hurts from how loud I yelled. I just couldn't take it anymore. I feel so damn bad because I didn't mean to scare my loved ones and all I kept seeing was them getting mad at me trying to flip it on me. I was so angry I was shaking like crazy. I never want to do that again and I know I was wrong for it. Normally I'm pretty level headed and can keep calm and be reasonable but tonight I effd up
ttystikk: I think you have every right to lose your cool and everyone else needs to stop blaming you.
Take the steps to getting the assholes evicted.
| 4 | 12.5 | |
1668932145 | 1669046124 | t3_yzyrvo | t5_2to41 | 3,083 | LastandLeast: TIFU by not enunciating my words when calling in to work.
Fuck up was discovered today. Fuck up started a month ago.
My FIL died, he was living with my husband and I at the time and was elderly. He wasn't in great health but he wasn't on hospice either so his death wasn't expected, but not exactly untimely. While the paramedics were still there I called into work for the rest of the week stating that my husband's father had died.
It's important to note that over the next 4 weeks I only went into work for 2 days for entirely unrelated circumstances that had already been previously approved. During this time, I said multiple times...
"I'm OK, it's just something that happens"
"He was old and it was his time"
"It's just a part of life that I knew would happen eventually"
The whole month everyone was texting me, everyone was constantly checking on me. I will admit it did feel like overkill and I was really confused and honestly starting to feel bad I wasn't still grieving.
The fuck up was that I apparently did not enunciate husband*'s father* because the person I expected to relay the message only heard *husband*. The husband in question I had just married one month prior, so for the last 4 weeks everyone in my office has been tiptoeing around me and whispering about why I'm back at work already when I just apparently became a widow after 1 month of marriage.
Fuck up was discovered when I finally said "when my father in law died" and my coworker just looked at me dumbfounded because EVERYONE in the office had been told it was my husband.
I'm pretty sure they all think I killed him for the insurance money with how I've been acting.
TL;DR: Bad game of telephone leads to my entire office believing my husband is dead and my subsequent lackadaisical behavior implies I may have killed him for the life insurance.
Edit: I did expect my coworker to tell everyone, I wouldn't have told him if I didn't. It's not the type of workplace where you have to give specifics in order to call out. No foul play is afoot on any front.
ASK_IF_IM_PENGUIN: That's not your fuck up. That's the person who took the call, and them then telling everyone else about your personal affairs.
Even after mishearing you (their fault) saying that you've had a "loss in the family" is sufficient.
WorldsWorstTroll: At my job, I am the one people call when they call off. The number of people who think they should know all of the personal information when someone calls off is crazy.
And, for the love of all things holy, saying you have diarrhea is enough information. You do not need to describe it.
RisingPhoenix5: I've heard it argued that realistically, people don't even need to provide a reason, and calling and noting that you will not be in that day is just that. Is that something that happens?
Then again, every job I've worked considered a call in as just using a paid day off.
ProStrats: If you're requesting bereavement time, which is very frequently different than sick days, there's typically explanation involved as bereavement policies and time for individuals is different.
ILikeFPS: > If you're requesting bereavement time, which is very frequently different than sick days, there's typically explanation involved as bereavement policies and time for individuals is different.
Yep. At my old job, my former boss took a week and a half off when his mom died. When one of my co-workers on another team's dad died, she only got 2 days off before she was back to work.
ProStrats: Sounds very accurate.
| 7 | 440.428571 | |
1668955071 | 1668986372 | t3_z05opy | t5_2to41 | 18 | SnooCauliflowers4628: TIFU by having an emotional affair
TIFU big time....so this is a long one, and I am looking for advice. I (20F) have been with my partner (22M) for 4 years. We got together in high school and at the time, i couldnt have asked for better. At least thats what i thought. We dont go out, we dont patty with friends or go to dinner or have memorable experiences together anymore. And when we do go out, it sucks because i can feel the negative energy radiating off of him, which usually turns into an argument about some guy staring at me or something.
But in the last year or 2 ive felt pretty neglected, it just feels like a roommate that has sex once in a while (and the sex is always geared towards his pleasure). We dont go on dates anymore, and i can slowly start to feel myself resenting him (I.e. got some pretty hot pictures done and he was unbothered) I wanna say that i have had conversations with him before about it, but nothing changes. I feel im putting forth all of the effort and it only feels like a 'relationship' because thats what i tell myself.
And then i made the most hurtful decision, I turned to someone else for the affection i needed. He (23M) makes me truly feel like the only girl in the world. He knows im technically in a relationship, so its not like im keeping both of them in the dark. We havent slept together, but he makes me feel whole as bad as that sounds. I cant even talk to my best friend about it because i know its horrible, and I would lose her I think, not that id blame her. Ive made a huge mess for myself. I need help, I want to break up with my boyfriend but we just signed a lease together on a new place, and my new guy lives 6 hours away from me.
TL;DR: My boyfriend neglected me and our relationship, so now ill probably leave him for someone who cherishes me
Please dont rip me a new one, I hate myself for this enough as is.
Overall_Rip_2563: So you want us to let you off light? I am going through something like this myself but as the boyfriend (married 8 years with two kids). Don’t beat around the bush about it. You owe him that much. And don’t expect him to be understanding of your stepping out. And you wonder why men have a hard time trusting women enough to open up. You’ve already screwed up. Don’t keep it going.
winterbunny13: ... Don't make this about sex. There are plenty of men who do this too. >.>
Overall_Rip_2563: Never said it was. Sex wasn’t the main issue with us. With me it was the fact that she went to her ex, who is also currently going through a divorce (imagine that). I had to find out through others that he knew she was planning on divorcing me. Stepping out isn’t just sexual.
Overall_Rip_2563: Never said it was. Sex wasn’t the main issue with us. With me it was the fact that she went to her ex, who is also currently going through a divorce (imagine that). I had to find out through others that he knew she was planning on divorcing me. Stepping out isn’t just sexual.
Edit: he knew before I knew.
winterbunny13: Sex as in Biological sex. Not the sex you had with your wife or lack there of.
I was telling you to stop being sexist... -.-
Overall_Rip_2563: That still doesn’t matter to me. I look at it more human to human. Sex be damned. I wouldn’t want either of my children to do this to another human.
winterbunny13: > And you wonder why men have a hard time trusting women enough to open up.
This is why I said to you what I said. There was no reason to say anything like this about most women based on your current relationship issues. This is kinda sexist. If you looked at it as human to human you wouldn't have bothered saying this at all.
Overall_Rip_2563: Well Let me correct myself. And people wonder why men like me that have been done wrong by women like that have trust issues. Or I can say men and men. Or women and women. In my case it’s men and women.
winterbunny13: You coulda just said "this is why some people have trust issues" lol.
Overall_Rip_2563: That is true. Poor word choice on my end.
winterbunny13: Nah it's fine. I was trying to be gentle and not scold you. Didn't think you meant for it to come off like it did at all. Then again the way I perceive things is likely skewed as well.
| 12 | 1.5 | |
1668954076 | 1668957484 | t3_z05b81 | t5_2to41 | 7 | EfficientForce8218: TIFU:Tried repairing broken phone with sharp knife instead of spatula, broke it worse and cut myself in multiple places fml
Last night, my phone was connected to my speaker which has been acting weird. It did its thing again, and my phone went in infinite reboot mode I couldn't do anything. I tried power button hold for a long time.
Then I decided possibly I can take the battery out and then put it back in and that'd do a hard reboot. And I tried opening the cover. Which is not made to be opened by anyone but a professional. Now I needed a sharp spatula and I didn't have one. My brain told me to use next sharp thing and I grabbed a knife. I did what I could and the end result was: Unopened cover, a broken screen and cut myself in 4 different locations. I cleaned myself up and the mess. Phone was still rebooting but screen is broken so I cannot see anything. My backup phone doesn't read my sim card.
I have a Blue tablet I got from my last workplace as some sort of employee reward. I got this thing on Wednesday. I was going to sell it to make some cash to put towards new apartment's security deposit and lease application. But now, I guess I will use the tablet until I can afford a new proper phone.
I have never been upgrade kind of person. I use a thing until its broken. But damn, the hassle of transferring all my apps: communications, banks, fitness, emails, etc. Gonna be hours today just doing that than actual work.
TL;DR-
Cuts not too bad, healed bunch overnight with keeping band aids on.
Phone Broken. Rebooted overnight, battery still not dead. Possibly phone is beyond repair. I should be able to buy a new phone possibly by new year, its my birthday first week of January so that suits perfectly! Tbh, I was a bit sad its tough but life isn't all that bad. I am glad I have not sold that tablet lol. And my hand is intact so yay.
I am getting rid of that weird thing doing speaker for good. But I do need to get new speakers so if you have recommendations up to 25$ I'd like that. Thanks!
Malevolent_Mangoes: Cut my life into pieces, this is my last resort
EfficientForce8218: 
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1668957647 | 1669023567 | t3_z06prg | t5_2to41 | 2,788 | lia_arsie: TIFU by misremembering a memory from a previous relationship
I [24, F] have been with my current boyfriend [27, M] for 4 months.
We only live together half of the month, the remaining time we are long distance due to his job.
Today we were talking over the phone about our day, and I told him I met a local indie musician he loved. Boyfriend didn't remember the name of the artist, so I told him we met him at his favourite pub. Still, my boyfriend didn't remember.
I told him he even followed him on Instagram and I teased him about it, and then it hit me: my boyfriend doesn't use Instagram. My ex did.
He jokingly said "Who are you going to concerts with?", I just replied that I must have misremembered and changed the subject.
I wanted to disappear. I know my boyfriend won't talk about this anymore but he sounded sad.
My ex was a little man with no respect for me, and our relationship was nothing compared to what I have now with my current partner. I am in love for the first time ever and enjoy every moment we have together, living together half of the month.
Both my ex and my current partner love the same artists and the same pub tho, so I genuinely misremembered.
Should I let this go or should I bring the subject back? I don't want to make this a bigger situation that it is, but I don't want my partner to remotely think I might cheat emotionally or that I might confuse his love and attention to me with some breadcrumbs my ex gave me.
TL;DR: I misremembered something I did with my ex and I told it to my current boyfriend, now I feel he might be sad about it.
ThereAre24Bees: Embarrassing/awkward honesty is better than letting him assume incorrectly. Tell him exactly what you told us so it doesn’t stew in his mind without all the facts. Communication is so important.
Lampadaire345: OP should just send a picture of her reddit post.
CaptainC0medy: Don't do this.
I'd be pissed that this is even an issue, more pissed it's out in public, Tripple pissed it was on your nerves and treated hom like a child by not saying.
Lampadaire345: You seem like an angry bloke.
CaptainC0medy: Just got some history with this sort of thing
Lampadaire345: If a girl showed me she was asking advice on reddit because she loves me and doesn't want me to get hurt my some dumb mistake I'd be pretty happy tbh
CaptainC0medy: You do you, I prefer my personal life not posted on the net because she couldn't talk to me first. Is that life now? Every issue and it's straight to reddit? What about disagreements?
Now I'm asking what ISN'T on here.
Guys don't like to spend energy on petty shit like this, so if you think showing me this is going to make me happy? Well now I have to manage your expectations and your worries and now I'm spending energy on you I really didn't want to.
All at the same time you said you didn't want to make an issue.
HappyDude2137: If no names are used who gives a fuck if the story is ok internet? There’s so much content just on Reddit alone it’s never gonna be traced back to you anyway.
I’m a guy too and would be perfectly happy to receive a screenshot of this from my SO because then we could have an open conversation about it. I wouldn’t care how the conversation came up, I’d just be happy we had it.
CaptainC0medy: Not about names, it's about the amount of energy spent to deal with something so trivial.
Sure one time, great now repeat 10 times, still good?
4 months in and this is the direction.
Bear in mind you are happy because you are used to reddit, you can't say every guy is the same.
lenarizan: You can't say every guy is the same. That's true. But things that seem trivial used to get talked about with friends, relatives, colleagues, fellow students, the likes. Now social media has been added to that. All people I might not know who would get in on a bit of my private life if my wife felt she needed information. Do I feel bad about that? No. I'm just not that insecure.
CaptainC0medy: You keep missing the point.
Energy. Effort.
BrockStar92: Why are you so dead set on men not having enough energy? Do you just know loads of extremely lethargic men? Personally as a man I’d want something like this discussed, I don’t find communication strenuous, I find strenuous letting things that might bother me fester undiscussed.
CaptainC0medy: Do you find everything strenuous and needs discussing?
This is trivial at best.
BrockStar92: I might well want to discuss this topic, trivial or not. I like communication, I like being open and honest, and I wouldn’t find it trivial if I felt my partner was hiding something from me. Once she HAD been honest I would then find it trivial because it’s a non-issue, but that’s only after being communicative, that’s the point.
CaptainC0medy: I already said the first one or two times is fine but it gets tiresome fast to validate every trivial issue.
The fact this is so trivial shouldn't need to be discussed.
If you are so insecure as to need to talk about it, that's on you.
BrockStar92: You’re acting as if this is nothing to the man and he’s only communicating to make his partner feel better. Let’s leave aside that it’s not boring and tiresome making your partner feel better and is something that should be a key part of being in a relationship, and focus instead on the fact that *it’s not the woman that is being reassured here!* I’m saying as a MAN I would WANT to have this conversation, not for her benefit, but to make myself feel comfortable about this. Not because she’s had exes but because she wasn’t being honest about what she was getting confused about. Not being certain is much worse than determining through communication that it was just a triviality.
CaptainC0medy: This just sounds like you are insecure and need to be validated for every little mistake she makes.
This is a 4-month relationship, the relationship is barely a partnership and having to validate at this point is folly, a meaningless mistake shouldn't need explaining and those that need it come across as immature and insecure.
| 18 | 154.888889 | |
1668958799 | 1669033446 | t3_z076da | t5_2to41 | 836 | Misaiato: TIFU by not reading the instructions on the packaging.
I recently underwent a septoplasty. This procedure corrects a deviated septum which helps you breathe more easily.
I’ve struggled with my nose my entire life. I always felt like drawing breath through my nostrils was somewhat like trying to suck a smoothie through a pinched straw. For years and years I complained to my parents, friends, wife and daughter that I just couldn’t breathe the way I expect “normal people” breathe.
I had nose bleeds so often I could tell before they started and time almost to perfection when they would end. I’ve always been a distance runner, and would run through the nose bleeds, preferring to return soaked in blood rather than interrupt the workout.
I’ve used every spray there’s a name for, and swear by the NeilMed kit you can get at Costco which is just saline spray in the end. It all helped, a bit, but I still could not breathe well.
Finally I saw an ENT. I’m American, so my desire to breathe was balanced against my terror of medical bills. The ENT stuck a camera up my nose, asked a bunch of questions, and said my issues were structural, rather than medical (within the realm of allergies for instance). Referred me to a plastic surgeon.
The surgeon agrees it’s a deviated septum, we schedule the procedure, I’m instructed to pickup some medications the night before the procedure.
Here is where the fuck up begins. One of the items I pickup is Hibiclens. It’s essentially a disinfectant, but with long-lasting properties. Effective up to 24 hours if uses correctly. If you’ve had surgery in the past few years, you may have used it. Slightly reddish liquid, not quite the viscosity of hand soap, used to cleanse surgical areas and help to prevent infection.
Easy, right? I’m having nasal passage surgery, inside my nose. I’ve had hundreds of sinus infections in my life. I don’t want to suffer another once it’s all sliced up and even more vulnerable.
Do you see where this is going?
I am a pro using the Neil med solution, so I grabbed the bottle from under the counter, turn on the tap to lukewarm water, fill up the bottle to the line, and add something like 10 to 15 drops of the Hibiclens solution into the bottle.
I position my head over the sink, lift the bottle to one nostril, and gently squeeze as I’ve done hundreds of times before.
The pain is blinding and intense. I literally lose my sense of sight for a few minutes. My body goes into panic like nothing I have ever experienced. I start running around the house, tracing the same track in the carpet over and over. I can sense objects in light, but everything is blurry. I know where everything in my house is located, so I avoid bumping into any furniture or other objects along the walls.
In between laps around the carpet, I run back into the bathroom and try to blow whatever I have put into my sinus cavities out. It is ineffective.
There is a feeling something like acid bubbling inside my face. I imagine this is the disinfectant reacting to my body fluids, and not actually an acidic reaction, but maybe both?
I tilt my face to one side and allow some of the liquid to run out each nostril in turn, but the burning sensation remains.
At some point, I had flushed the remaining concoction from the NeilMed bottle and tried to fill it up with pure water to allow it to flush out, not remembering to add the salt solution in my agony. There is a special kind of agony when you squirt pure water up your nose without the necessary salt to make it more balanced with your body’s chemistry. Do not try it.
Hours go by, the initial 30 minutes was some of the worst in my lifetime, but after that my nose settles into this slight sizzling feeling. I can literally feel whispers of this acidic substance sloshing around in my nasal cavities. It hurts.
I am at a point where I am literally counting the minutes, I can do nothing. I can do no work, read no emails, I cannot watch anything on TV, I am just feeling the seconds tick off the clock in intense pain.
As each dribble of snot oozes out of my nose, the pain notches down little by little. 10 hours after my initial fuck up, I find myself in a kind of downward dog yoga position, trying to invert my head as much as possible as I’ve learned through countless sinus infections that gravity will pull the liquid out of the crevasses and towards the nasal exit once I sit back upright. I use this technique until I feel the pressure from the liquid on my eyes, in the upper sinus, then sit up quickly with a tissue positioned to catch the filth. It streams out of my nose, that sickly yellow color, but far more liquid than were it just infected mucus. A couple more downward dogs, and I’m basically recovered.
Something like 12 hours has passed. I couldn’t eat all day due to the pain, I had tried to take water, stay hydrated, but I’m weak and exhausted. My surgery is the next morning at 7 am.
I return to the bathroom to read the bottle, in large letters on the back it clearly says:
FOR EXTERNAL USE ONLY
TL;DR Do not, for the love of god and everything holy, ever squirt any amount of Hibiclens up your nose.
thetinyhurricane: You need to consult your doctor. They may recommend rescheduling the surgery.
Misaiato: Surgery was the next morning. Rarely have I read a TIFU what was actually that same day. I did tell him the morning of the surgery and he laughed at me. I know him socially, so I deserved and expected his reaction.
dryingsocks: at least your nose was very clean
Misaiato: No part of any body in all of time and space was ever cleaner.
Mode-Klutzy: Hah that’s how I felt after a colonoscopy prep.
| 6 | 139.333333 | |
1668963741 | 1668964810 | t3_z096l1 | t5_2to41 | 39 | lobaslefttoe: TIFU by thinking someone was breaking into our house
This happened just now and I am resorting to Reddit to avoid facing the fact that I may have just traumatized the shit out of my step brother.
To preface I should say my step brother was staying over for a few days and my father had informed me briefly when I asked, that he had indeed departed today. Also to make matters worse, him and I barely interact and this was our first and probably (now) the only interaction we will have since he arrived a few days ago.
So basically, its 2am I'm doing the usual scrolling through tiktok getting tired planning on sleeping soon etc whatever right? Until I hear like 5 knocks and then what sounded like someone shuffling? I don't fucking know. Anyways suddenly I'm wide awake and plotting a masterplan against whoever this might be. I put my thinking cap on and use my gaming knowledge to suit tf up. I put on my damn pink fluffy oodie and my new, very fashionable, very intimidating and also fluffy cows print buckethat on top of the oodie hood that covers my head. Gotta protect from any critical hits right? Right. I equip my bright ass phone flashlight in one hand and my hairdressing scissors that I use for mental-breakdown-fringe-cutting, in the other hand. So I remember in my head to peek corners like I'm 1v1ing in valorant, possibly crouching and all, except in this lobby I have no callouts to assist in my takedown.
So under the protection of my pink oodie and cowprint buckethat, I swing open my room door with unshakeable confidence and immediately peek the corner to my right. What do I see? Nothing, pure space, emptiness. Probably flash banged a few spiders or some shit at worst. So, with the corner now clear, we must move onwards. First I clear the bathroom, nothing. Toilet? Because yes the intruder might be letting one loose mid break in. Nothing. Kitchen? Nothing but an empty wrapper. Finally....the spare room. Here we go. I have never opened a door so fast and immediately held my phone up to literally skye hawk flash the entire room, blinded! Upon squinting through my own flash bang I see my step brother who just woke up from a slumber sitting straight up like its military camp, and his big ass dog who are in fact, still here! I immediately apologized because I just fucking woke him up to a once in a lifetime sight and I hope he is not now googling mental hospitals for me. Thats it. Thats the story. I will now not be sleeping.
TL;DR: Just traumatized and blinded my step brother rocking an oodie, cowprint buckethat and hairdressing scissors mid slumber because I thought he was an intruder.
Vast_Reflection: I can tell this was written by a gen z’er who plays too many video games . . . But I love it! This was funny! :)
lobaslefttoe: This is very true and I am good at none of the games I play haha, thank you I am smiling through the pain
| 3 | 13 | |
1668965064 | 1668990598 | t3_z09qq9 | t5_2to41 | 63 | Xanera_88: TIFU by cutting my girlfriends ear
Just happened yesterday. On mobile so usual formating shenanigans.
So when covid hit I decided to learn how to cut my own hair. I'm not one for long hairstyles and with all the barbers closed indefinitely i thought this was a good time to pick up a new skill. Bought a razor, scissors, thinning scissors, and a 360 mirror and got to work.
I cut my own hair every 2-3 weeks just to get as much practice as possible. Started off with everyone laughing at my mistakes (of which there were many) before eventually I got decent at it. Not hairstylist good but good enough to start experimenting and still turn out OK. Got to a point where some of my family and even my girlfriend was asking to help trim their hair. Kept my own haircuts going till today, even with shops open again.
Cue to yesterday. Girlfriend asked me to help thin and shorten her hair again. Now it's been a while since I've done her hair, since obviously she went back to her regular salon once it opened back up. But I occasionally trim it nowadays to help her save some money. I was using my thinning scissors on the left side of her head, just trying to get some layering done when she suddenly flinched and cried out. The tip of my scissors nicked her left earlobe.
Man the amount of blood that can come out of a cut on your ear is really surprising I'll tell you that. By the time I ran out and got back with tissues the side of her head and neck had streaks of it. She was panicking and crying and I was just trying my best to stop the bleeding. Her mum saw and went to grab her first aid kit and we eventually washed and dressed the wound. I saw my girlfriend today to change the dressing and saw the bleeding finally stopped at least. She's still mad at me and definitely not gonna let me touch her hair again and i can't blame her. Clearly being a hairstylist isn't my calling.
TL;DR cut my girlfriends ear while trimming her hair. She's still mad and I can't blame her.
Shadows__flame: I don't understand why she's upset over a little accident. She's still with you, so she can't be that mad, but honestly this is more of a haha fuck up than anything else
starlight-and-puppy: i mean from the description she seemed pretty panicked and i think she has the right to be
that 'little accident' sounded painful and scary asf, id upset if that were me
Shadows__flame: Ok, so yes, it may have been scary in that moment, but this is the type of thing that you look back on and laugh at.
Lahauteboheme84: I’d honestly be laughing while I was bleeding, but I won’t discount the possibility that that’s a flaw with ME. 😂 Get whatcha get in the ol’ kitchen salon, that’s what I always say. Sometimes it’s an okay haircut, sometimes it’s some peroxide and a butterfly bandage.
Edit to add: actually gave my son a haircut earlier today and have one of my own fingers crudely bandaged to prove it 🤣
| 5 | 12.6 | |
1668972676 | 1668976170 | t3_z0cxgn | t5_2to41 | 31 | ohnowhatihaved: TIFU by jerking my stick to chicks with dicks.
Unlike a lot of other people on here, I'm not going to try to make excuses for myself. Yes, I am attracted to women with cocks, and it's something that I'm deeply ashamed of, and have not told anyone about (obviously.) Anyways, I have a really wonderful girlfriend, who I love very much. The problem is, even though we have sex about twice a week, I'm a pretty horny dude with needs, so I usually end up jerking off every other day. My girlfriend up until yesterday had no idea that this was what I was doing, and I chalked up the sweat stains on the couch, bed, and gaming hair to me just being very sweaty.
Anyways, yesterday, my girlfriend decided to go out. Being a horny, red-blooded American, I boot up the computer, and get ready to rumble. Before I get ready for my meat rocket to blast off, I usually check the door, or have some sort of safety precaution, but I stupidly assumed that my girlfriend would come home late, and decided to wank it right there, in the living room, where her just opening the door to the house would have revealed me in my full glory.
Two hours in to my self-pleasure wankfest, I've completely succumbed to my hedonistic, dark, twisted, and perverted desires. I've got on my screen a proper filthy drawing of a woman with a 2 foot long cock orgasming so hard she shoots her jizz straight through a guy's head, causing blood and parts of his brain go flying everywhere. Of course this meant that this was the perfect time for my girlfriend to come in, because life just can't be easy or convenient. Imagine coming home to see your mild-mannered, well-tempered boyfriend, with his cock in hand, oiling up his meat-rod to this. It's important to note, that my girlfriend comes from a very conservative country, so even by normal standards, it would raise a few eyebrows, in her country, it's taboo to just look at porn, forget about what I'm looking at. Cue the waterworks, and then her yelling at the top of her lungs to get the fuck out of the house, followed by her hitting me with various items like her hand, a book, and her shoe. I got the fuck out, and although I tried to explain myself various times, I've gotten no reply from her. I seriously hope she can look past this, or at least not tell anybody what I saw. Currently, I want to die from embarrassment, and I'm sharing this story with internet strangers in the vain hope that some of you can empathize with my situation.
TL;DR: jerked off to futa porn, girlfriend saw, girlfriend mad, me sad.
Logical_Ad_1383: Stop staining the furniture that's gross
ohnowhatihaved: It's involuntary, I can't control my sweat, but you're totally right, I'll wank it in the bathtub or something next time. I replace the bedsheets, but with the couch and chair, I have no excuse. I only used each of them twice to wank though, so it's not like a regular occurrence or anything.
Logical_Ad_1383: Most people confine their wank sessions to the bedroom furniture or the bathroom. Or if they must use the living room they put something down first. If you live with people though you shouldn't be in community spaces what you gonna do if your gf walks in with someone
| 4 | 7.75 | |
1668973952 | 1669048056 | t3_z0dg5p | t5_2to41 | 876 | PlayfulEgg2295: TIFU by drunk calling a girl 16 times
That’s pretty much what happened. I got really drunk and tried to contact her so we could meet. She didn’t answer any of the phone calls I can remember and apparently after some more shots of tequila I called her 11 more times but I cannot remember doing these calls. I sent her a message apologizing and she replied by saying that I had crossed the line and that she is angry with me. I am feeling very ashamed and would like to talk with her in order to apologize in person but I also don’t wanna bother her anymore so I don’t know what to do. Any advice? This is a person I would like to keep in my life and to not have any real problems with. I think she got really disappointed at my attitude and now she and I haven’t talked all day since that last text she sent me. Do you guys think it would be a good idea to ask her to grab a coffee or something so I can ask for her forgiveness in person? Or is this really one of those times where I just have to move on with my life and not bother her anymore. I feel very guilty.
TL;DR I got very drunk and cannot remember calling this girl I know 16 times. I would like to apologize in person but I don’t know if I should just leave her alone.
darthy_parker: If you can get this drunk and “can’t remember” calling her 11 times, first of all, figure out how to stop drinking like that.
If you can’t dial back, just stop drinking entirely. Because you don’t want to discover if there are even worse things you might do to a woman when you’re that drunk.
And don’t push her to meet to “explain yourself” or to apologize. At the very most text her *once* to say you realize how badly you behaved and that she won’t hear from you again. And don’t bother her again.
You have to fix your issue with impulse control and drinking, because it will only get worse if you don’t.
Prind25: I think implying rape or assault is a bit too far there bud. He was a drunk asshole over the phone, not banging on her door every night for a week or some shit.
darthy_parker: I’m not saying he did. But if you can get blackout drunk, you don’t want to find out what you did the hard way — driving drunk and killing someone, or being coercive are real possibilities he needs to consider. Pretending that, oh *that* couldn’t ever happen is just wishful thinking.
qwertyuiopasdyeet: You’re not you when you’re hung- err, drunk.
Very true though. I had a friend that read up plenty on benzo stories, listened to my experiences and pharmacological knowledge intently, and was *still shocked* when he woke up with stolen items in his room after using them.
It always seems like something you wouldn’t do, but it’s simply a predictable effect of abusing substances that dramatically lower inhibitions. Nobody is gonna outwillpower pharmacology or something. It’s just sorta silly
That being said, you do have to really abuse them to become a different person, a .25 mg dose of Xanax isn’t gonna do that to anyone that wasn’t already prepared to steal. But the issue can come when the dose that’s already in you lowers your inhibition towards taking more and going on some sort of bender… nobody is immune to that sort of thing.
Prind25: See now you are bringing in drugs as enecdotal evidence. Once you mix pills and alcohol all bets are off.
qwertyuiopasdyeet: Anecdotal*
Alcohol and benzos are also incredibly similar, they act on the gaba system. Alcohol has affinity for dopamine and benzos don’t but they are fairly similar in many ways, both being GABA drugs. They’re both disinhibiting.
Prind25: And yet no the same are they?
qwertyuiopasdyeet: From firsthand experience, I’ll tell you they result in similar states when abused. You can tell if someone is barred or if they’re drunk, but from a first person perspective, you can certainly wake up with nearly the same result. Blackout, not remembering what you did, regretting what you did when you learn about your behavior during the blackout.
They both turn you into someone you’re not when you go on a bender.
It’s really not that different.
Prind25: The same could be said about meth but that doesn't make them equal does it?
qwertyuiopasdyeet: I disagree that the same could be said about meth. You seem like someone that hasn’t done anything you’re talking about.
Edit: to be completely fair, I’ve never done METHamphetamine, but I’ve snorted my fair share of amphetamines. Stimulants were always my jam.
Meth lasts longer and produces a more jarringly euphoric effect (although when swallowed, many people say adderall vs meth is like Pepsi vs coke). Most people snort or smoke their meth though (or shoot it).
I haven’t done meth, but I have been on amphetamine benders. It was not at all similar to benzodiazepine benders or alcohol blackouts.
| 11 | 79.636364 | |
1668973531 | 1668983723 | t3_z0d9z8 | t5_2to41 | 24 | paulphiliphimself: TIFU thinking my wife’s friend was homophobic
When I (35M) was scrolling through my social media feeds a couple of years ago, during Pride week in Sweden, an image of a starving child overlayed with a Pride flag filter and a caption saying something like “What’s the point” popped up. In my defense it was late and I was tired and slightly tipsy.
My wife’s (40F) friend (similar age F) has origins in the Middle East and for some reason doesn’t use her correct name online. Anywho I looked at the name of the person who posted that image and was a bit surprised that it was (I thought) the friend. “Huh”, I went to myself, and thought that this went against everything I knew about this woman because she is very urban, worked in fashion for years and as far as I know has some gay friends. So it stuck with me, and ever since then I had this skewed image of her having some really weird views.
Fast forward to a couple of months ago when we met her and I just had to discuss that thing that happened years ago. I didn’t want to stir up any drama but I still felt like I had to call her out on her anti-Pride views, and also the dumb whataboutism of saying Pride month does nothing for starving children.
She was pretty shocked, and my wife couldn’t believe what I was saying. First they laughed about my stupidity but then she got upset that I would ever think anything like that of her.
So I started going through my friends list to find someone with a similar name and bam, there it was, some random dude I have no idea who it is, also from the Middle East, and trying hard to put on an “alpha male” image. I unfriended him and apologized deeply to my wife’s friend.
Just to prove the point she actually went back on her timeline to that week and lo and behold, no only did she not post anything anti-pride, she also had Pride filters on and shared news clips of how badly LBTQ+ people are treated in her home country etc.
I apologized deeply and felt really dumb, but the damage was done.
Today we saw her again and I tried to make a joke about her bigot views, really trying to make fun of myself. It did not land well and she’s still upset with me. My wife is ashamed of me. No amount of apologies or jokes will make up for this.
TL;DR I mistakenly thought for years that my wife’s friend was a homophobe after seeing an anti-Pride post I mistakenly thought was posted by her. She was really hurt that I would ever think something like that of her.
Edit: words and removed something that does not add to the story
Iamapartofthisworld: I think the 'tried to make a joke about her bigot views' part is what stands out. Probably not the best approach.
paulphiliphimself: English isn’t my first language and it’s hard to explain but it was really made in an ironic way really trying to make fun of myself.
Derainian: Everyone should have just had a good laugh at the end. No harm was done
| 4 | 6 | |
1668979999 | 1669000758 | t3_z0fzli | t5_2to41 | -3 | [deleted]: TIFU by not realizing the kind of an amazing person i had for a SO
[deleted]
joliver5: Wow, and I don't get a girlfriend. What a fucking world. Guess you can be the biggest asshole as long as you have the slightest bit of carisma or whatever you have that she saw in you. Ffs
Vegetable-Cow-1984: You don’t get a girlfriend holy shit no. You find someone you share life with
| 3 | -1 | |
1668981262 | 1669178436 | t3_z0gir7 | t5_2to41 | 382 | georgiemaebbw: TIFU by getting a car wash
My client called me and needed me to do a big rush job. I drove out to meet them and pick up the designs and supplies. It's been snowing, so the roads are covered in salt and slush.
My van has been covered in road salt for over a week, and it needed a wash badly. I got a car wash on the way home. Squeeky clean!
Then I went inside, prepped my workshop, had some lunch, finished prepping the workshop for the project. It took a good part of the afternoon. I was all ready to bring in the supplies so I could spend the evening working.
The sun is starting to set and the temp dropped from cloud cover. I went to get my supplies...
My van's back sliding doors are frozen shut.
Now I'm idling my van trying to warm up the inside so I can get my supplies out!
TL:DR I had my van washed on a cold day, the doors froze shut and I can't access the supplies I need for a rush project.
YGIAL: Been there. If you pour hot water on it should melt enough to open but you'll have to dry it so it doesn't freeze again
georgiemaebbw: I (reluctantly) idled for 10 min with all the heat on. By then it started snowing again. I had to carry heavy breakable supplies over the wet dusting of snow. That was scary!
I__Know__Stuff: The car warms up way faster if you drive it instead of idling.
WordingOne: The engine yes, but the heaters run the same regardless of engine temp
I__Know__Stuff: Where do you think the heat for the heaters comes from?
WordingOne: I don't know, but they could probably use it to de-ice this guys car
I__Know__Stuff: It comes from the engine.
WordingOne: Ok obviously, my point was that your heaters aren't going to get hotter the more you drive, they only let in a certain amount to the cab
I__Know__Stuff: Equally obviously, if the engine is cold, there won't be any heat. Hence my recommendation to drive rather than idle the engine, so that it warms up enough to provide some heat.
It doesn't usually take much—driving half a mile can warm it up as much as 10 minutes of idling.
| 10 | 38.2 | |
1668987373 | 1669028002 | t3_z0j1yg | t5_2to41 | 11 | [deleted]: TIFU by very eagerly trying to impress my crush with my 'climbing skills'
[deleted]
yumirow: alr just a quick tip. I know pretty much no man turned on by an athletic feat of a women. They do of graceful or aesthetically pleasing ones tho
JustThatTwoRedditGuy: That says a lot about you, and very little about guys in general.
yumirow: never said it applied to everyone, just guys I know
jemappelletaxi: You know weak dudes.
| 5 | 2.2 | |
1668991331 | 1668998991 | t3_z0kke5 | t5_2to41 | 5 | CobraCommander420: TIFU By trying to have fun over being a responsible adult.
So like the title implies i (26M) fucked up by trying to prioritize fun over responsibility.
To start my husband (30M) graduated last month from college with his bachelors in cyber security. His ceremony was in florida and we are from pa. So we drive down to ga to stay woth a friend then head to florida.
The fuck up happened on the way to GA,
I asked my husband where we were at with money. I only had 400 to start the trip and gas ate half of that by Georgia. Husband says he has plenty of money more than when he last checked, me being tired and ready for a nice miracle ignored it and said awesome now we arent broke.
That night we take friends family out to eat with us , spend 120 bucks on dinner. Head to florida the next morning. All is well ,plenty of money still, i thought
"Oh this is going perfect"
Then graduation day , im excited and proud of ny husband so I buy some merch. 80 dollars worth to be exact. When we get home we order pizza and call it a night.
Now comes this morning and the oh fuck moment.
I realise i only have 80 bucks left. So i ask husband hey hows your money looking. He checks his phone and tells me 9 dollars.
So we have 89 dollars to get home. Which isnt happening. I immediately panick and begin to cry becuase of the sheer fact that i knew what happened.
His bank reposted his car payment, then reversed it because weekend. Then took it back out because Sunday.
This has happened to me before, i should have known better but i simply wanted to have fun and believe it was some miracle.
TLDR
Miss managed money and almost ended up stranded in florida.
MadHouseFire: This doesnt really seem your fault at all
CobraCommander420: Thank you friend i needed a stranger to tell me that ❤️
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1668996241 | 1669064949 | t3_z0md6s | t5_2to41 | 2,698 | ChumDumpsterr: TIFU by trying to be funny
GFs mom sent a picture to our group text asking if anyone could remove a smudge from a picture of a little boy riding a bike. I have a Google pixel 6, which has a feature called Magic Eraser that does a pretty good job at removing things from photos so I removed the smudge. Now this is where I fucked up. I edited the photo a second time and removed the boy completely and just left the bike. I thought it was funny. I showed my gf the photo and said "I fixed the photo for your mom". She responded with "Dude, what the fuck?" And I'm like "ehhh...what?"
Turns out the photo was of her little brother who died when she was younger. Needless to say, she mad, and I feel like an ass.
Just for clarity, I had never seen a picture of her little brother. And she has another brother too so I didn't really think about it.
Edit for added context: the photo sent to me was a picture of an old photo. The smudge was partially on the boy in the picture. GF wasn't mad for long but I'm still cringing at myself. Good thing I showed it to her first and didn't just send it to her mom lol.
TL;DR: I removed my GFs dead brother from a photo and now she's mad and I feel like an ass.
Kangar: Just tell her you'll fix it, and then photoshop in a tombstone.
ChumDumpsterr: 💀
squiddles97: 💀 (her brother)
shadboi16: I’m going to hell oh man
GhostNinja1373: We can start saving seats 😂
| 6 | 449.666667 | |
1668997198 | 1669006548 | t3_z0mpjx | t5_2to41 | 760 | [deleted]: TIFU: Asking my gf to role play incest w/ me
[removed]
pythonidae_love: Um, whether or not you support it, bestiality is actually illegal in most states so....maybe don't do it. https://encyclopedia.pub/entry/24086
[deleted]: I didn't know it was illegal tbh. I thought since the porn was legal, it was legal. Thanks for the info!
tantedbutthole: It’s illegal because it’s highly immoral and wrong. Animals do not have the mental capacity to consent and it’s wholly fucked up to subject an innocent animal to something like that.
[deleted]: Then why is the porn legal?!
tantedbutthole: Most likely was filmed in a country where it was legal or was filmed illegally. There is a LOT of illegal stuff circulating. Don’t believe everything you see on porn, that’s fucking basics dude. Your moral compass is way off
[deleted]: I thought child porn, rape porn, necrophilia, and whatnot aren't available in porn fashion. Legal porn in US\*\*\*
maybedr: You probably don’t know this but lolicon hentai is also illegal. Be careful dude. It is the type of stuff that can hunt you badly to make a mistake into a life sentence or worse.
[deleted]: ... well fuck, I thought it was legal if it was accessible through Google. Why do artists like Shadman and Goth Reaper allowed to post this shit and get away with it, then?
maybedr: Depends on the country they live. However It is a big constitutional debate in the US. Finally it was ruled illegal and it is mainly used to punish offenders of other crimes when there is little evidence.
Not everything in Google/Internet is legal. Be careful. Anyways, don’t let your kinks control you.
[deleted]: Came here to shit post, left being afraid of Porn art now. Seriously thank you
maybedr: Better than therapy.
| 12 | 63.333333 | |
1668996410 | 1669001507 | t3_z0mfbv | t5_2to41 | -11 | [deleted]: TIFU by setting my balls on fire
[removed]
FLTDI: You don't get what a tldr is do you?
Doxi_420420: I couldn’t post it unless I had
FLTDI: Yeah, you didn't post a tldr.....
Doxi_420420: Bro I don’t give a shit 💀
Send_Your_Noods_plz: In case you didn't know, it stands for: too long ; didn't read. It's a way to summarize a large wall of text to a few sentences so someone scrolling posts on reddit can get a gist of the story before committing to reading it. It's a super effective tool that not only the reader appreciates, but can make your post get more attention if it sparks interest
Doxi_420420: Yeah I know
| 7 | -1.571429 | |
1669011872 | 1669039680 | t3_z0rkvm | t5_2to41 | 13 | [deleted]: TIFU by telling my first girlfriend I lied about my body count
I told my ex that I had a higher body count and even when I came clean I told her she was my first which isn’t true. I told her I had a higher body count in order to get her not to like me in the beginning because quite frankly her life was batsh*t and while I felt bad for her I didn’t want to hurt her and didn’t want to get involved.
I know I should’ve told her throughout our relationship. She even made it the basis of her insecurities and I never said anything. We were constantly arguing from the get go and she was yelling at me over the most random of things. So I never really considered it. Her ex threatened to kill us both and that’s about when I said that to leave without rejecting her. She accepted it but failed to tell me how much it would mean to her.
She was constantly having drama with everyone in her life and I was trying to counter act my lie and her bad times with over affection and gifts and being honest about everything else. She threatened to hit me multiple times and that’s when I would use that insecurity against her.
Tl:DR- I told my ex after we ended things I lied about my body count because I was scared of ending things and wanted her to reject me. She said there’s no redemption for me and that I should get karmic payback when she In fact was my karmic payback.
Worsel555: TYFU by using the words body count. Stop saying this.
Asmodea_Appletree: Every time I hear body count I think of dead bodies with blood and broken glass everywhere. really unsexy.
Worsel555: Don't know where this started but it's a saying we should boycott into oblivion.
| 4 | 3.25 | |
1669018623 | 1669020017 | t3_z0th1v | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: TIFU by letting my family into my room
[deleted]
ZirePhiinix: Bro, you're just nasty.
Doesn't that stuff stink? I can barely stand it after 10 seconds, and you left your cum to evaporate for a month.
Mean-Hospital624: Didn't really sniff it ig
| 3 | 2 | |
1669022855 | 1669243211 | t3_z0ulrg | t5_2to41 | 19 | Turtlethebean: TIFU by Squawking at a Server
Yes, you read that correctly. I squawked at a server. Yes, like a bird.
There's a small pizza place at the mall that I usually go to for lunch in between classes. Well, I say pizza place, but it's more of a pizza stand with a few seats.
Anyways, I was standing there, staring at a pizza, trying to determine whether or not it had tomatoes on it. (I have SPD and can't eat actual tomatoes. I can eat tomato sauces with no problem though) This girl who works there walked over to me and asked me if I would like anything.
I was caught completely off guard, and my brain didn't quite register what was going on properly. So, in response to her question, my dumbass simply squawked at her.
Being incredibly socially awkward, I quickly walked off to avoid talking to her. I don't think I'll be going back to that pizza place for a while. Definitely, gonna only eat there if I don't see her there.
TL;DR: My dumb brain didn't register a girl's question properly and decided to squawk at her.
moondancer224: Oh god...a server as in a person at a restaurant, not a computer.
No choice, you must leave town and hope your shame does not follow you. ;p
ASK_IF_IM_PENGUIN: Haha, you've just reminded me of something which happened many years ago.
I was at a friend's house drinking beers and watching movies when his fridge started beeping. We'd evidently left it open so he got up to go close it.
A moment later the beeps are still happening but twice as frequent, so I got up to investigate.
He was sat on the floor, next to the fridge, and when it beeped he was doing a perfect imitation beep back at it, as if he was having a conversation with the fridge.
DarkBlueBear13: I could basically copy your message word for word and have it be a story I have -- except, replace beeps with meows. Knew a dude that could meow and sound *exactly* like his cat. I mean practically indistinguishable between the two.
| 4 | 4.75 | |
1669032773 | 1669132233 | t3_z0xhmk | t5_2to41 | 10,913 | [deleted]: TIFU by going into the Non-binary bathroom
TIFU by using the non-binary bathroom and getting labeled as a perv
So a few days I was just chilling at school and I needed to go to the bathroom, and recently one of the bathrooms was labeled as non-binary/gender neutral, so anyone of any gender may use it, which is pretty progressive for a state run public school. So anyway I ask a teacher where the Boys bathroom is and she just says “oh honey you can use that one other there”. Now the non binary bathroom is still basically a girls bathroom, it’s almost like an unwritten rule. but there wasn’t a boys one nearby so I just said “fuck it” and went in. It was completely empty and I took the last stall, furthest from the exit (big mistake) the lunch bell rings as I begin to piss. I was texting my gf bc she messaged me, when I hear a ton of shuffling, and ineligible chatter. I assumed it must be 2 or 3 girls using the bathroom and chatting, right? So me being the Incredibly socially awkward kid I am, I wait in my stall for them to leave to avoid any awkward interactions.
The chatter stops “they must be gone right?” I open my stall door and I’m greeted with a soft “what the fuck??” There are at minimum 25 freshman girls in the bathroom, there are so many I literally cannot move past my stall door, they all turn to me and stare. I slowly take the walk of shame outside the bathroom, I took the last stall in this massive ass bathroom so I had to walk for what felt like hours while I was getting stared at by freshman girls with sharp looks that could cut iron.
The teacher that ushered me to the bathroom was still standing outside and just gave me a look of apology.
Later on a lot of the girls of all grades have kinda just been giving the the “he’s a weirdo stare” and I’m not a very popular guy I have a small friend group of about 7 people but we keep to ourselves so this took a massive blow to my reputation. And since I’m not really popular no one really tried to hear me out
TL;DR I got labelled as a pervert for going into the non binary bathroom by freshmen girls
Edit: damn I just woke up and holy shit this blew up
Thanks for all the love and some of y’all are funny asf, some of these comments are crack ups y’all
bostonchef72296: You didn’t do anything wrong those girls are being gatekeepers. Gender neutral means all genders not “oh this is a second girls bathroom.” Fuck them
Phillipinsocal: OP says in his post that recently one of the bathrooms was “changed” to a “gender neutral” bathroom. In most likelihood, it was the women’s bathroom that was changed seeing as how the ratio was presented in the post. So are you saying these girls were “gatekeeping” the original women’s bathroom? Factually speaking, could this be construed as men being more privileged than women?
bostonchef72296: Wow what a shit take.
Op never said it was the original woman’s bathroom.
All genders means all genders. If it is labeled as such, it has to include all genders. Stepping into dangerous territory trying to assume someone’s biological sex when they walk into an all gender bathroom. For example I am a transgender man and if I were in the situation of OP if I got stares and whispers for being in an all gender bathroom it would be legitimately fucked up because the main purpose of all gender bathrooms is for trans people to feel more comfortable in bathrooms. While OP is not trans, it is not up to anyone to look at someone and make the distinction based on how they present as to what their genitals might be.
All gender bathroom = all genders, all genitals, and no gatekeeping, no matter what original gender/genital what have you the bathroom was “originally” labeled as.
redrummaybe54: Womens bathrooms, if that’s the case, are also the easier ones to flip into gender neutral as they all have stalls. Most mens washrooms half a load of urinals and one stall.
It’s not a men are superior to women, it’s just a ‘it’s cheaper to flip this sign then to flip an entire bathroom and buy/contract renovations’
bostonchef72296: I’ve never understood Mens bathrooms. Do men never need to shit in public? There’s no stalls! They’re always taken. And then I have to awkwardly stand there and wait for someone to come out of it so I can do my business. Gender neutral restrooms are the way to go in new construction. 1/2 urinals 1/2 stalls, but in general just a larger restroom. Plus a separate family restroom for people with children that need changing or your extra shy folks.
PotassiumBob: Just switch them to: Standin' or Shittin'
Make one that are all urinals and the other all stalls
bostonchef72296: Standing or *sitting
I have to sit to pee 🤷🏼♂️
monadyne: >I have to sit to pee
Men in this modern feminism-dominated world... they now sit when they piss.
*\[shaking my head\]*
bostonchef72296: Did you miss the part when I said I am a trans man?
I literally don’t have a penis dude.
FireHazard11: Now you're just making excuses.
bostonchef72296: Maybe if I strain really hard, a dick will grow.
FireHazard11: Okay, you're really not getting the joke, are you?
No one is expecting you to grow a penis in order to use a urinal. No one even really expects you to use a urinal (though they do make a cup and hose thing for females to pee standing up, if you were interested). Everyone here, except you apparently, is joking around by pretending that a female peeing in a urinal is a reasonable thing for them to do.
It's just absurdist humor based on over exaggeration. This is a fairly common thing in men friend groups, so now that you're one of us you should get used to this sort of thing. If someone proposes an absurdly impossible solution to a problem for you, you're not supposed to treat it seriously and point out the logical flaws. You're supposed to either roll your eyes and play along, or actually attempt the impossible task and fail in a hilarious fashion. Bonus points if you injure or embarrass yourself in the attempt.
bostonchef72296: But thanks for mansplaining how jokes work
FireHazard11: You're not a woman, it's literally impossible to mansplain to you.
bostonchef72296: 🤪🤪🤪 thanks for being oddly affirming in your cis-het ignorance
| 16 | 682.0625 | |
1669037216 | 1669057136 | t3_z0yz4x | t5_2to41 | 10 | RedNova02: TIFU by de-icing my windscreen
I woke up bright and early this morning for work, knowing that my car windscreen would be frosty. Like the responsible person I definitely am, I made sure to leave time to scrape off the ice. After getting ready, I walked out to my car, unlocked it, set my bag down inside, put the keys in the ignition but decided against starting the engine, grabbed my scraper, closed the door and got to work scraping.
Now, for some info about my car that’s important to know for this. When it locks, the mirrors tuck in automatically which I generally use to confirm that I’ve locked it from a distance. If I unlock it from a distance and don’t make it to the car quickly enough, it locks itself again in case I unlocked it accidentally. Once I open a door, that timer stops and from that point on the car won’t lock itself until I get in and start driving. This is how its supposed to work and how it normally works.
When I had opened the door initially and still had it open, I heard a locking click and the sound of the mirrors moving. Naturally I pressed unlock, checked the mirrors and they were out as they should be. To note, I didn’t hear the unlock click. Anyway, I finished scraping off the ice and went to get back in my car. And it wouldn’t open. It was locked from the inside, trapping my keys and my bag which had my phone, purse, work pass (needed to get past work security), house keys and spare car keys inside. At 6:45 in the morning in freezing temperatures.
With no way to contact anyone, I looked for any shops that might be open and stumbled into a Sainsbury’s petrol station begging to use the phone. Contacted work and the cashier called me a locksmith. In the end I was 3 and a half hours late for work and down £144 for the locksmith, leaving me with £40 left to get me till payday.
TL;DR, car auto locked me out when I went to scrape ice off the windscreen, after I put my bag with all my things inside. Ended up late for work and down £144 which I cannot afford
Malevolent_Mangoes: Now you know to always have your keys on your person, no matter how far away or close they are. Good luck with 40£ lol.
RedNova02: Lesson learned the expensive way, keys will be staying in my hand until I’m ready to drive off from now on
Gadnuk_: If they're not frozen shut I always open a window and run the engine while I scrape ice. It's better for the engine and trans to warm a little before driving and if the doors somehow lock I can reach back in thru the open window.
| 4 | 2.5 | |
1669043120 | 1669068630 | t3_z116p4 | t5_2to41 | 29 | thesadmarshmallow: TIFU by thinking the audition for my school's talent quest is not an actual audition.
A bit of bg info, I (16) always liked to sing. Since around 3-4 years ago I always wanted to sing on my school's talent show, but never got the chance to due to COVID.
Around a month ago, the school announced that there will be an irl talent show, and I immediately applied. I stated I'll be singing an around 5 minute long song, which was out of their 2-4 minute range.
They sent me this email around half a month ago saying I'm selected for audition. I have to submit a 2 minute video of myself singing, together with the light plan, backing track and a list of stuff I will need (eg the mic). As I have to submit all the documents, I thought they'd let me in no matter how I did in the audition video.
I wanted to finish the audition video asap as I figured that it shouldn't be big of a deal. The performance aren't bad, but not the best I could give. It's also filmed in my bedroom with just my phone mic and camera.
Today I got another email from the school with the title "finalized contestants of the talent show". Up till that point I thought I would get in, but I didn't.
They said, due to time constraint, I can't preform anymore. Now I'm pretty sure that the audition actually mattered, and I totally f-ed it up.
Tldr: I didn't get into the school's talent show because I thought the audition is just a demo and didn't take it seriously.
Devittraisedto2: I don't get how you thought it wasn't an actual audition, since they wouldn't be emailing students about an audition if it wasn't an actual one.
thesadmarshmallow: Maybe I could word this better. I knew it was an audition, I just thought they'll just watch it to make sure it's not something inappropriate for school or trolls.
Ocean_Spice: If that was the case why would they have asked for all the details about lighting and whatever too?
thesadmarshmallow: Well they ask for all the lightings for the actual performance not the audition. So I thought there's a sure chance I'll get in
Ocean_Spice: Well yeah, that’s my point. If this was just to weed out people who weren’t taking it seriously they wouldn’t bother asking for lighting and other info for the performance.
| 6 | 4.833333 | |
1669039178 | 1669063009 | t3_z0zo1p | t5_2to41 | 21 | gms29: TIFU by spamming an array of the most explicit words in my family group using a python script
Hey guys, This is really really embarrassing,
so I was fooling around and decide to make a python script to autospam messages stored in array through whatsapp web, I made it and spammed my family group with short stupid words (not explicit) As I was watching my creation do its work how it was supposed to, I decided to try it out on my friend.
Now ive know this friend for 5 years and to say we talk with each other in an uncivilized manner is an understatement. So what I do is I make an array of the most explicit words in my language and load it into the program and open his chat to spam the message 500 times!.
It is working perfectly fine, blasting the worst bad words to that fucker 500 times while I sit with an evil grin on my face.
At the same time, my sister and mom are still discussing about what I did, my dumbass opens the chat while the program is running to rreply to them, now the missiles are still getting fired, just hitting the wrong target. I go into panic, changing chats as fast as I can. I was successful in doing so but guess who decided to give an explanation in the family group while the program is still running ..... ME!! the fireworks continue.
My sister is calling me, Mom is goin crazzyyy in the group all the while am trying to change the chats and listen to my sister die of laughter.....
luckily they are in a different state than mine as of now, so I dont have to meet them anytime soon.....
Am so glad that my dad didnt check those messages, or atleast i hope he did not!!
Tl;dr - used python to spam explicit messages to my friend, spammed it in my family group!
Edit : obviously i did not mean array, used that to explain it at the heat of the moment, its a tupple XD!
jusjusme: Lol Kinda wanna know how you did this. Newbie to Python (like 1 week lessons).
The fact that you spammed them in your language makes it harder to explain. You could have said you were hacked if it was in English. Good luck explaining that to your parents.
gms29: I blamed it on said friend. Said that we were fooling around and he wanted to try but he forgot the change the chat! They arent gonna know that he wasnt with me XD!
jusjusme: 😂. Classic. My parents (I’m first gen) don’t even understand how Bluetooth headphones work so they’d fall for this too. I may be over 30 but I still fear the slipper.
gms29: Ahhahaha!! My parents still kinda understand how tech works but not so much as to my extent! But yea, being 20yrs old I still fear the slipper and the fact that my dad did not see the messages was so so soooo relieving XD !!
| 5 | 4.2 | |
1669049191 | 1669050095 | t3_z13mpj | t5_2to41 | 11 | [deleted]: TIFU by trying weed
[deleted]
Educational_Grab2756: Lmfao I love how you ruined your first time because you didn't ask for help and decided to take an entire edible on your first go. Edibles are made with concentrated THC and can be intense, even for me a long term smoker. Should've just done half, or smoked a few puffs of flower first...
The-Broken-Puppet19: To quote my dad, "sometimes you just have to learn the hard way." My boyfriend is currently teasing me about how much I worried him.
Educational_Grab2756: To quote my dad, "Observe and ask questions and you won't have to make the same mistakes someone else already has"
| 4 | 2.75 | |
1669049799 | 1669050294 | t3_z13v8n | t5_2to41 | 34 | SexistMillenial: TIFU by yelling at my girlfriend
Obligatory throwaway account
I(23M) and my Girlfriend(22F(Now Ex)) Decided to go to a bar to watch the saints game sunday. I know she doesnt like football but i never did something like that before and thought i should invite her and some of my close friends out. She agreed Under the condition that she can invite 2 of her friends out. I seen no problem with it and thought the more the merrier.
After arriving to the bar and getting a nice spot for all of us to fuck off my GF's friends show up. One of them "Racheal"(F) is known for being expressive to say the least. I dont mind however as most of the time it doesnt hurt anyone. Although when it does hurt someone ive always been lucky enough to not get in the crossfire.
So once the game starts me and my friends were fired up and watching the game with joy (even though 1 of them was a rams fan). The girls was rightfully bored so they proposed a game where we are only allowed to drink when something interesting happens. We agreed because we didnt want them to be left out. After about 3 tall glasses in most of us are roughty. my girlfriend (whom i didnt noticed was on the other side of the building) started stripping. I cant even make this up, She got on top of the table and took off her shirt and was dancing.
Saying i was pissed was an understatement. I told her we were leaving and i admit i grabbed her arm kinda forcefully. Racheal said what was the rush as things are just getting fun and i didn't want to hear anyones bullshit. I got one of my friends to drop us off at home and i said some very rude things regarding her decentcy to do that. We ended up getting into a big argument and she stayed with racheal for the night. Today she texted me and said we should take a break.
TL;DR Went to a football bar and GF of 2 years started stripping. I got mad at her and she broke up with me.
TheLordStocc_GG: I feel so sorry for your GF. Imagine getting scolded just because you wanted to put on a show for the boys in the bar
yes this is sacrcasm
stitchoneill: ^^ this is how you say im a virgin without saying im a virgin.
Edit: then i read the guys edit about sarcasm fml, spoke to soon.
TheLordStocc_GG: apology accepted
stitchoneill: Thank you good sir.
| 5 | 6.8 | |
1669048460 | 1669127817 | t3_z13c38 | t5_2to41 | 1,174 | [deleted]: TIFU by flashing unsuspecting woman touring my ship.
[deleted]
salsanacho: Haha, you'd think the tour guide would ring a bell or yell a warning before entering any living areas of the ship.
yumirow: Red code, family in coming
wecomeinpeacedoyou: Code D
fish-keeper69: dong
Embarrasssg3662: Y’all are too comfortable with each other to where having to secure your dangly bits is even an issue. Lol
| 6 | 195.666667 | |
1669052834 | 1669059469 | t3_z153sj | t5_2to41 | 10 | bobababe_81: Tifu by locking every store in our region out of an online insurance claim
Tldr; no one sent me the email with an updated password
Tifu by being left out of an important email sent out the previous day, for more context I work in optometry, we have a retail side and my job is to handle the exams. My manager and I have been butting heads since she started with the company six months ago, I’ve tried being civil with her since she is my manager but she’s always been rude and condescending towards me, this is important because when she started she brought her old team from a previous job with her, we had one more previous employee who she basically ran out by cutting her hours to zero. My manager has made it clear she wants to replace me, I only know this because I walked in during her meeting with the regional manager and she was just raving about one of her old employees we’ll call her sara. She kept saying how great sara was at my job and she started comparing us and said I just sit there when there’s nothing to do. Now all this I can bite my tongue over because I don’t necessarily work with them. Sara only did my job for one day so I could have a Saturday off, so it’s not like she’s replacing me yet but I will say there has been more tension since then. Everyone in our region has the same login for submitting insurance claims, the password gets updated every three months, I am always included in the email or group text they send out. So today when I clocked in I got my tabs pulled up on my desk top and attempted to login to the insurance portal, it was a bit slower than usual so I just hit submit again but doing so locked me out. Not a problem I thought, I’ll just call a few of my resources and see how to get in. Turns out I locked everyone out for the entire morning. Of course my phone was blowing up with calls and messages asking how when there was a new password sent out. I went through everything I never received the notification. I never received it because my manager never forwarded it towards me. Me not being in the loop is somehow my fault for locking everyone out of the system. I feel terrible because it’s such a huge inconvenience and it’s peek season but I can’t help but feel it was intentional.
black34beard: You didn't F up, your crappy manager did!
Marrsvolta: The manager didn't fuck up, guarantee this was done purposely to make OP look bad.
| 3 | 3.333333 | |
1669064407 | 1669090385 | t3_z1a33l | t5_2to41 | 0 | Kuschelmaus44: TIFU by saying something to someone in the bathroom
So. Today i was staying in school a bit longer, because i was still doing some band with a friend. After a while i told him that i think i will be on my way, but before that ima head to the bathroom. It was really late, like 3 hours after school closed, so i thought that there wouldn’t be anyone but me. For the first like 2 Minutes there weren’t any people, but after a while the door opened and i thought i was my friend saying he will leave before me, but it was someone that thought he was alone and was talking to himself really loudly. So he want… well shitting in the next stall next to me, and i didn’t want to say anything at first because i thought i don’t want to scare him. (Oh btw. He sounded like he was 12 maybe 13…) So he did his business while i was looking at memes not bothering him when suddenly i hear this… weird „squishing“ sound? I don’t know how else to describe it but you will know what i mean in a sec. And that sound i pretty loud… yes it was a still bathroom but i think it was still pretty loud. So after a while he startet moaning… yes… so i was already like WHAT THE FUCK BROOO I mean i guess he didn’t think that there would be someone, but why IN FUCKING SCHOOL!!! So when he stood up i also did. It was probably wrong but i just thought lets do it. So he noticed me… And yes he had the most terrifyed look on his face, and just without washing his hands just ran out and startet crying. I feel kinda bad for him, but well it was kinda his fault for masturin in the bathroom…
Tl:dr . Was late at school and went to the bathroom later a kid came in the bathroom and startet jerking off without knowing i was in the stall next to him.
AcrobaticSource3: Did you verify by going into his stall and looking for the evidence?
Magnedeus: If he knew the guy was jerking it, why would he go check?
| 3 | 0 | |
1669070790 | 1669156954 | t3_z1cv13 | t5_2to41 | 13,533 | Nightmare_Tonic: TIFU by thinking I was smarter than a common ground squirrel
I have always thought of myself as rather intelligent; my wife says I am on par with an average chimp or octopus, and I'm proud of that fact. I recently had the opportunity to engage in a battle of wits with a squirrel, which I thought would have been an occasion I'd be able to rise to, given my recent triumph over the dog whom I tricked into thinking the ball had disappeared. Alas...
We have a backyard with a nice garden that my wife designed and built. She's really proud of it and finds a lot of relaxation working in it.
I work from home, and recently, I noticed that we've got a daily visitor: a squirrel who likes to poke around and look for food. I usually see him while making breakfast, so I usually stand by the window and watch him forage. Well about a week ago, I saw him bury an acorn (or some kind of nut) in the fresh soil my wife had just put down. I had this bright idea that I'd go out there and put a handful of mixed nuts in there with the one he buried. I thought this was genius-level trolling. I was so amused at my idea that the next day I even stood by the window, watching him look for the spot where he had buried the nut, and I was mumbling shit to myself like "foolish squirrel" and "you know nothing."
Well anyways the squirrel unburied his nut and he found it had apparently manifested a ton of other nuts, and the look on his face was hilarious. I mean he was visibly shocked, and quickly buried the whole stash again, then ran up a tree and sat there watching / guarding it from other squirrels. At this point I was so pleased with myself, I spent the whole day cracking up at the thought of this squirrel, and then at like 2AM I was struck with an even more genius idea: I went outside and *buried even more nuts in his stash*, like three times more than I had put there originally.
I couldn't sleep the rest of the night because I was too excited about this squirrel checking in on his stash again. I probably should have realized that work-from-home has truly loosened my grip on reality after two years, because at this point I found myself sitting at the window at 5AM waiting for this damned squirrel to show up, and just giggling and talking to myself like "oh yeah he's gonna trip out."
The squirrel finally showed up and he checked in on his hoard, and the look on his face was indescribable. He was so flabbergasted by what he found that he actually looked over both shoulders and all around the yard, as if to say, "Are you shittin' me? Is anybody else fuckin' seeing this?!" He just sat there inspecting the hoard for like ten or fifteen minutes, frantically trying to figure out how to manage his newfound wealth, and in this moment I realized that the squirrel faced the same philosophical dilemma as most lottery winners when they incur a giant windfall of cash and have zero idea how to properly handle it. His anxieties became mine, and I found myself thinking, I would probably not fare any better were I to win millions of dollars.
Eventually the squirrel divided the stash into a few smaller piles and buried them all within a few inches of each other. I don't know why he did this, but maybe it has something to do with the investor warning about many eggs in one basket. He was so affixed to his hoard now that he had a hard time leaving it, but when he finally did, I spent the rest of the day thinking of how to ratchet up the drama that was unfolding between us. This preoccupation gave way to a sort of Lovecraftian madness, where all day long I experienced ghoulish, intrusive thoughts about the funniest shit I could do to this squirrel's stash. Eventually I concluded that I needed to end the game and level the economic playing field among the squirrel population in the most communist way I could, lest this little bastard use his resource advantage to create some evil rodent monopoly or attempt to purchase a squirrel social media platform and torpedo it with cocaine-fueled incompetence to the benefit of totalitarian dictator squirrels overseas.
So I went outside that night and reclaimed all of the nuts I'd given him, but I left him the one single nut he had initially buried. And when he came back the next day, he absolutely lost his shit, and was running all over the wooden fence and up and down the trees, searching for the culprit who had ripped him off. The amount of twitching and rage-chirping he did was enough to disturb the nearby birds. I felt like a god then, lording over the fate of puny mortal squirrels who ventured into my yard, and I couldn't help but realize that if this squirrel had taken at least some of the nuts with him to another location, he'd have profited a great deal. The foolish creature learned the hard way that the "HODL" mentality does not always yield insane ROI; sometimes you ride the wave to zero and end up with an empty wallet and your fuzzy little squirrel dick in your hand. I, like the market, can be a capricious mistress.
When I went to bed that night I eagerly told my wife about my cruel shenanigans, and she laughed pretty hard at the story. However, the next morning when we woke up, the squirrel had absolutely devastated the garden, having dug scores of holes and pulling up little flowers and plants searching for his lost treasure. My wife is super pissed at me and this weekend I have to go fix the garden. I am not allowed to buy mixed nuts *or* interact with squirrels anymore.
**TL;DR: Played a trick on a squirrel that backfired hard. Wife is super pissed at me and the squirrel has PTSD and an insatiable lust for destructive treasure hunting because of my foolish whimsy**
Edit: I have returned the nuts to the squirrel. He will be happy tomorrow.
Edit 2: For God's sake I did not *torture an animal* you fucking LiveJournal poets. Lighten up
Edit 3: I read this to my wife and she said sternly, 'IT WASN'T FUNNY WHEN IT HAPPENED. I WASN'T LAUGHING. GOD DAMN SQUIRRELS FUCKING UP MY YARD. THEY HAVE NO SHAME, THE CUNTS'
plfntoo: > So I went outside that night and reclaimed all of the nuts I'd given him, but I left him the one single nut he had initially buried
That's a shame, I was having fun until this part where you revealed yourself to be a twat. Previously, the jokes were at no one's expense. This one was at an innocent animal's expense.
Nightmare_Tonic: Even on the rare occasions in which you experience fun, I guarantee nobody else is having it around you
plfntoo: What an excellent response to an accusation of twattishness.
Nightmare_Tonic: Just needed to make sure you were aware of the folley of pearl-clutching on an internet forum made specifically for silly stories. Surely there is some other place you can submit a low-effort article about your frail sensibilities, to be shared by other like-minded crybabies on their private Facebook pages. You will have made the world a fractionally better place, I swear
plfntoo: > your frail sensibilities, to be shared by other like-minded crybabies
I really do feel like the fragile crybaby in this exchange. /s
Btw "fucking with wild animals as they try to survive" =/= "silly stories", just as a nod towards what a twat you are
Nightmare_Tonic: Touch grass, nerd. The squirrel is fat and absolutely fine. I live in a part of California where overgrown yards are abundant and the squirrels run the show
plfntoo: > I live in a part of California where overgrown yards are abundant and the squirrels run the show
"...and as such it's fine for me to fuck with them while they try to survive in the wild".
You do you, man. Except don't, cause you're a twat.
Nightmare_Tonic: The fact that you have been so agitated by my shenanigans makes the experience that much richer to me. And the fact that you are trying to be polemical on a completely uncontroversial post widely beloved by thousands of redditors makes me think there's probably a shrine to your behavior somewhere on /r/niceguys
plfntoo: >you have been so agitated
I called you a twat and you posted this
> Just needed to make sure you were aware of the folley of pearl-clutching on an internet forum made specifically for silly stories. Surely there is some other place you can submit a low-effort article about your frail sensibilities, to be shared by other like-minded crybabies on their private Facebook pages. You will have made the world a fractionally better place, I swear
also
> a completely uncontroversial post widely beloved by thousands of redditors
lol what a twat
Nightmare_Tonic: Bro if I click on your post history am I going to discover that you get along very poorly with everyone you interact with? Are you one of those redditors? Nobody can stop you from talking, but as soon as you do, it's all over, and you'll have wasted your afternoon.
plfntoo: > if I click on your post history am I going to discover that you get along very poorly with everyone you interact with? Are you one of those redditors?
Yes. Real life is for real life, reddit is for cathartic interactions with twats like you. And occasionally complimenting people's creative work.
> you'll have wasted your afternoon.
Yeah I'm recovering from surgery atm, so there's been a lot more of this recently. Just watching tv and having fun on reddit.
But hey, we had a good time didn't we? You thought you were witty, I thought I did a good job of showing what a twat you are, I think we've both had fun.
Nightmare_Tonic: By your comment history I strongly doubt you experience fun often. What a miserable life
plfntoo: Oof, ouch, not my comment history!
>What a miserable life
Wowza, now who's agitated
Nightmare_Tonic: > Yes. Real life is for real life, reddit is for cathartic interactions with twats like you
Yeah I'm sure you're a complete piece of shit *only on the internet* lmao
plfntoo: > a complete piece of shit
Woah-ho-hooo!
> The fact that you have been so agitated by my shenanigans makes the experience that much richer to me.
Anyway, this has clearly run its course, I'm gonna go give my dogs some food, then take it away from them and laugh
| 16 | 845.8125 | |
1669071174 | 1669155955 | t3_z1d0nx | t5_2to41 | 15,060 | LuciusDickusMaximus: TIFU by maybe accidentally inviting my plumber over for Thanksgiving
My plumber is a really nice guy with a heart of 24k gold. I've actually started smiling when I clog the toilet because it means he's coming over with his Italian accent and his arcane sense of humor (last time as he walked in and saw my ceramic cactus sculpture, he remarked: "it-a look-a like you have green tube guy, my friend"). I honestly couldn't say what it is about him that excites me so much; I guess we all have people in our lives that we for some reason just enjoy being around.
Yesterday, as he fixed my sink, we had one of our most intimate conversations ever. I told him about my family history of alcoholism, and he opened up about how his ex-wife was supposed to join him in the States a few years back but instead fell in love with another man. He lives alone here while all his family is still in Italy, and he just had a major falling out with three of his best friends.
After he was done working, I opened a bottle of tequila and we kept taking shots and talking until we were beyond fucked. At one point, I guess I felt really bad about his situation, so I invited him to Thanksgiving dinner and he began to weep. We hugged and he told me he appreciated it so much. Then we took three more shots and he drove home.
My wife was already displeased to come home and find me drunk on a Sunday and then when I told her that our plumber was coming to Thanksgiving dinner, she went off. We've only been married a few months, and this is going to be our first Thanksgiving "as a family." Her parents and siblings are coming over and it's a huge deal for her-- she really wants to prove herself as a hostess and an adult. She says there is no way the plumber is coming to Thanksgiving.
Now I have to call him or something and let him know he can't come, but that will shatter my heart and make his next house call very awkward. I might polish off the tequila tonight and send him a text or something. My palms are really sweaty as I type.
TL;DR: Got drunk and invited the plumber to my wife's inaugural Thanksgiving
ZBalboa: Just let him come over. You already asked. It meant a lot to him. Kind of shitty to go back on it now. Who knows, could be the start of a great tradition.
LuciusDickusMaximus: I think you’re right, thanks. Gonna talk to my wife and see how it goes. I think she was mostly pissed because this isn’t the first time I’ve made a decision without consulting her because of alcohol.
Poinsettia917: Maybe it’s time to take a hard look at your alcohol use.
LuciusDickusMaximus: Maybe it’s time to mind your own damn business.
believeinapathy: You're literally airing your business here. Family history of alcoholism, history of making decisions without the wife while drunk...
LuciusDickusMaximus: Ok, "believeinapathy", you got me. I guess I'm alcoholic! Thanks for your diagnosis. Mind if I diagnose you real quick?
believeinapathy: Pretty strong reaction for somebody who's not an alcoholic, hit a little too close to home?
LuciusDickusMaximus: I was gonna write back an insult, but after reading up on you, I think I'll spare you. Wishing you the best!!!
GallinaceousGladius: Toxic masculinity is a real curse. That said, this is a fitting situation for a "man up."
Your plumber didn't do anything wrong, it's okay to invite him. It's okay to have a conversation with your wife about it. But if you "have a history" of alcohol-induced decisions, and she fears for her well-being, she is *perfectly* right to fucking divorce your sorry ass.
coooper_the_scoooper: > Toxic masculinity is a real curse.
True!
> That said, this is a fitting situation for a "man up."
**Proceeds to demonstrate toxic masculinity.*
Nah seriously though. That's the same level as "Not to be racist or anything, but black people..." like just because you acknowledged the elephant in the room doesn't mean you can turn around and do the shitty action yourself.
Why does any of this have to be about "manning up" when you could just say 'Getting your shit together' or "grow up" or "realize when you have a problem", but nah instead you have to weirdly make this about gender roles and demonstrate exactly what you said is a "real curse".
LoopyMcGoopin: What in the actual fuck are you on about? Talk about manufacturing outrage...
| 12 | 1,255 | |
1669071800 | 1669136827 | t3_z1da65 | t5_2to41 | 5 | throwaway_82649294: TIFU by sleeping with my ex
So this was back in 2018 just before Christmas. I (M - 24) and my ex (F - 22) had been broken up for about 1-2 years at this point. We were still very good friends and would talk every other day. We just decided that we had different purposes in life and also the fact the majority of the relationship was long distance. We were together for 5 years before we made the decision to split up.
Anyways, when we broke up she was in another country so we hadn't seen eachother and there went 1-2 years and she was coming back to my country and wanted to see me. She told me she was "unofficially" in a relationship with someone else (we'll call "G") at the time but were very much acting as if they were in a relationship, calling eachother "babe" and sexting (I found out about that as I snopped throigh her phone which I am not proud of in any sense but that will come later in the story).
So she came back to my country and i picked her up at the airport and we went back to my place and she wanted to sleep in my bed and not do anything else. Just for "comfort". I, still being madly in love with her but being a complete fool agreed to this. The first night went by and nothing happened but I got 0 sleep as I had the hardest boner of my life wondering if something was gonna happen and I wasn't going to initiate it.
The next morning, she goes to have a shower and asked me to grab her phone which she left in the car and told me not to look through it. There was no reason she would have to tell me that unless she didn't want me to know something and my curiosity got the better of me so whilst she was showering, i snooped through her phone and saw sexts between her and G and they were pretty romantic to eachother, and honestly, i felt crushed, but also happy that she has found someone that makes her happy as at this stage, I wanted was the best for her. I did know that she was into this other guy but had told me specifically that they weren't "officially" in a relationship. This day was a couple days before christmas and we had gone to seperate parties and she got drunk. I was driving so I didn't drink at my party and went to go pick her up when she asked me to come get her. She gets in the car and asks me if we can kiss. My heart is pounding soooo hard and I okay. We kiss for a little bit and decide to drive home. When we get home, its about midnight if not later, and we kiss a little more in the car which then leads to deciding to have sex in the car. Once we finish, she is extremely tired so we go to bed.
In the morning, is when it all went to hell. She wakes up and is basically hyperventilating and freaking out because she had just cheated on this guy that she is supposedly not in a relationship with and I, without realising had basically manipulated her into thinking that what we did was sort of a proper goodbye/ending to our relationship as we had never gotten the chance to do it in person. This calmed her down and basically handled the situation and everyone in the comments can take this shit out of me for doing that as I did do it in a manipulative way which I realized when I was having therapy. Anyways, she immediately tells G what we had done and they had an arguement and sort of resolved it. But then we continue to have sex through the whole week she was there staying with me! She then goes back to her country and tells G what happened and basically ended up in us no longer talking or having anything to do with eachother ever again. It was a very sour ending 😅. Her and G have are now married.
It took me a long time to realize my own fault in this and I accpet that there were many things I had done wrong and won't ever justify my actions because they were horrible. But the thing that gets on my nerve is that when it was all sour they were putting ALL of the blame on me and not accepting her own fault in all of this aswell. Again, not justifying my own wrong doings, but there was wrongness on her end of things aswell. We haven't been in touch since then. It's now 2022.
TL;DR - slept with my ex who stated she wasn't in an official relationship with someone else but then freaked out after the fact of sleeping together saying she felt she had cheated on this other guy with me and ended in us no longer being friends
SirScAReS: Sounds like a classic irl drama which can happen to anyone. The question is, who started it? I mean if you are somewhat good friends she probably had at least some idea how you still feel about her so why would she sleep in your bed...?
I don't think you manipulated her into doing it. You gave your shot because you got no real committment to that other guy.
Lily_Roza: He says he manipulated her. Why do you want to conveniently disbelieve that part of his record of events? To make the woman the sexual sinner, and the male blameless? Don't you have some porn to watch? BTW, 65% of the money made from porn is made using trafficked victims, put that in your biased pipe and smoke it.
SirScAReS: Because it also would be unhealthy if he blames himself for something he hasn't done. Based on the information how the events went down I would say that wasn't manipulation but him blaming the outcome on himself.
If she wasn't too drunk to give consent of course.
And what's with that unrelated fact at the end? Should I think about every time I'm watching porn now? Would that make you happy in any way?
Lily_Roza: >Should I think about every time I'm watching porn now?
Yes, Mr. Double Standard, that's what you should think about until you stop participating is sex slavery.
Do you wonder how I knew you watch porn? Pornography plays out scenes of domination, ego, exploitation, opportunism and conquest. And that has definitely infiltrated your character, and will have long-reaching consequences in your life. As it does in our culture, as common as it is. Not happy, but sad for all of us and the children raised in this culture of promiscuity, which you are definitely a causal part of.
SirScAReS: What double standard? You get that I'm not blaming her for anything. She can do what she wants and if she cheats on her boyfriend that's her thing, I don't know that guy so I don't care.
Oh I watch a lot of porn. Probably multiple times a day and I wonder if knowing you think you infiltrated my mind will make it even better ;) have a good night ~
| 6 | 0.833333 | |
1669072751 | 1669075198 | t3_z1doaa | t5_2to41 | 18 | [deleted]: Tifu didn’t know it was a erotic massage parlor and got chlamydia
[deleted]
Sorry_Ad_1285: You definitely had chlamydia before going to the parlor. It doesn’t happen in a matter of hours like that
Bluesparc: Exactly lmao, Tyrese ain't the only one been hoeing around
Edit to clarify, I don't necessarily mean OP, could be his girl, but there is alot missing here lmao
| 3 | 6 | |
1669074999 | 1669082993 | t3_z1ejws | t5_2to41 | 8 | [deleted]: TIFU by asking a lady “DO YALL SERVE CRACKERS”
[deleted]
Eirikur_da_Czech: I fucking hate how stupidly sensitive people are. That was funny and everyone fucking knows it.
Ganaud: Are you possibly a white male ?
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1669075692 | 1669076987 | t3_z1etdy | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: TIFU by vaping with my door open
[deleted]
Negative-Living5778: Posted on mobile, lot of typos
SqueefyPassage: Yeah.. when you said me and him were texting and he died... I was like wtf??! For a second.😂😂
Negative-Living5778: Lmao I hate auto correct, I ment to say he said
| 4 | 1.5 | |
1669077161 | 1669079393 | t3_z1fctf | t5_2to41 | 11 | weirdestferalcat: TIFU by overexerting myself at the gym.
I have been wanting to work out for a while and today I finally made an effort to go to a group training session. Mind you, I have NEVER gone to the gym and the last time I worked out was as a teenager (give or take) 10 years ago. And it was never anything intense and I had a tendency to sit on the sidelines.
Now, the type of exercise was CrossFit which is intense as it is, never mind for a beginner. But I felt ashamed to sit on the sidelines. so I kept going even when I felt like I couldn't. My clothes were also less than appropriate because I wasn't prepared (primarily due to the fact that I didn't believe I would actually ever go), so I was wearing the pants of a VERY synthetic '90s tracksuit and a regular bra under two shirts.
I already felt tired after the warmups, but I persisted with the exercise sets regardless. The sets consisted of three types of exercise interchangeably. I could tell I was doing some things wrong, but of course, I was too shy to ask anyone else or even the trainer to assist me, even though he was happy to help.
I felt out of breath and achy, which I presumed was normal, but I also felt a little dizzy and out of it. Most likely at least in part to not drinking enough water and not having eaten enough beforehand.
When I got home, I still didn't feel like eating, but I ate a little bit. Then I took my medicine (anti-depressant sleeping aid bullshit) and sat around leisuring while waiting for it to take effect.
Then I felt a horrible rush of nauseating panic and even though that mostly went away, I haven't managed to get any sleep. And now I am sitting here, knowing that I will have to miss a lesson tomorrow because of the mistakes I made.
Note: forgive me if there are any grammar mistakes or general fuckery, I'm very tired while typing this.
TL;DR I fucked up at my first attempt to exercise by being ill-prepared and overexerting myself.
​
(I'm resubmitting the post because the bot told me to, I'm new at reddit).
AdamInChainz: Cross fit makes plenty of people puke.
weirdestferalcat: That's probably a sign that you're overexerting like I was.
AdamInChainz: I took it easy on theose classes they're brutal. I have passed out from a trainer once. That scared me a bit.
| 4 | 2.75 | |
1669083231 | 1669087663 | t3_z1hjxu | t5_2to41 | 0 | [deleted]: TIFU by play fighting with my partner
[deleted]
AcrobaticSource3: Were you naked or clothed?
Magnedeus: Why does that matter?
| 3 | 0 | |
1669099415 | 1669110016 | t3_z1mpjt | t5_2to41 | 80 | Ahpla: TIFU By trying to save a kitten
So today my husband and I went to the store to look for Christmas garland. As soon as we parked I saw a kitten hiding under a truck in front of us crying and looking very scared. Before my husband knew what happened I was already out of the truck beelining it to said kitten. I get near it and it gets scared and starts to back away. I stop and am calmly talking to it when my husband walks up and sees what is going on. When he did the kitten darted across the parking lot and was now hiding between the back tires of a fifth wheel camper. I was so worried about it getting squished. Little kitty bro was obviously scared but acted like it wanted to come to me. A woman going to her car saw what was going on and said she didn't have any food or anything but he seemed like he wanted to come but was frightened.
We had just gone to the grocery store and I had some frozen chicken strips so I went back and got some to see if kitty bro would come to me for food. After several minutes he creeps out from the tires and starts to eat. Little dude was starving. I kneel down on the pavement while throwing chunks trying to get him closer. I don't realize it but I kneel in chocolate milk someone poured out. I've been lactose intolerant my entire life and have had a major milk phobia since I was 3. I realize what is going on and try not to puke. Don't want to scary kitty bro after all.
After a few minutes he gets within arms reach and I reach out to snag him. As soon as I do he flips around and is clawing and biting like crazy. I have a death grip on him. I wasn't going to leave him there to get squished. My husband comes over and peels him off my arm. He is now trying to eat my husband. Kitty bro is like 3lbs of demon terror. My husband is holding him at arms length by his scruff so neither one of them gets injured. Meanwhile I run in the store to see if they have a box we can put him in. I run back out with the box and as soon as it gets near kitty bro he starts freaking out and biting my husband. We decide to just open the back door and throw him in and then figure it out from there.
We get in the truck and pull over to the dog park where it is quieter wondering wtf do we do now. Then reality sets in. I was just bit over half a dozen times, blood is pouring, I have deep puncture wounds, and now we have a psycho at in the locked vehicle with us. Oh shit. Do I need a rabies vaccine? I'm almost definitely going to end up with an infection. All the while I'm thinking about the milk that has soaked my jeans and socks, still trying to not gag. I call my mom. She said to call the hospital and see what they say. They tell me it's a personal choice, if I want to get one I can go to the ER but that they typically don't give them for animal bites and that was all they could really say. I call the other hospital to see if they agree. They tell me I can go in and see what the doctor says and they will likely give antibiotics at the very least. They also tell me to call animal control to see what they want to do about the cat. I call animal control and they are closed.
We realize we can't see the cat anywhere. We get out and are looking for the kitten. Not under the seats, not in the bags of groceries, not anywhere. The only place it could possibly be is behind the back seats, which don't go forward and only have 3-4" of space. I slowly lift up the bottom to see if we can see back that way and nothing. My husband slowly lifts his side to see and nothing. Then I feel something on my leg, look down, and see nothing. My husband sees a black flash past me. Kitty bro was running for his life like a bat out of hell. He runs past the dog park, no dogs are there, but there were some teenagers playing on the swings. Two teenage girls jump up to run after the cat but he is long gone.
So now I'm sitting here with my finger coated in antibiotic ointment waiting until tomorrow when I can go to urgent care. Hopefully I get some antibiotics and don't end up with a nasty infection.
I just wanted to save him.
Kitty bro - 1, Me - 0.
TL;DR I tried to save a kitten from being squished in a parking lot, got over half a dozen deep puncture wounds, have to now go to urgent care tomorrow, hopefully no rabies vaccines, and still didn't save the kitten.
TexasRedJames1974: Not a bright idea.
​
Go get your wounds checked by medical personnel.
Ahpla: Not very bright at all, but I didn't want him getting killed.
TexasRedJames1974: As someone who's had cats for many many years, I am still leary about approaching what may be feral kittens. If the kitten doesn't tear you to shreds then kitten's mom very well might.
Ahpla: I was dumb and assumed since it was a kitten it would be okay. Lesson learned, those ~4-5 month old kittens can be just as dangerous as the big ones.
TexasRedJames1974: I've got at least 6 mousers that hang around my house constantly, trust me they move out from under the vehicle when it starts up - especially when the car has a big V8 like mine does LOL
| 6 | 13.333333 | |
1669104867 | 1669106638 | t3_z1o666 | t5_2to41 | 1 | glitterous69: TIFU By trying to do the right thing
Let me preface this by saying ; I’ve been in love with my best friend for over a year, and she helped me get a job where I’m currently employed, and she recently got promoted to manager. Onto the story now.
There’s a support manager at our work (a support manager is the lowest level of manager, my best friend is at like, the second level), and she’s extremely religious and uses religion as an excuse to be very homophobic and transphobic and racist, and voices these opinions in the work place on the grounds of her religion. We have a very strict no solicitation policy, and this is obviously frowned upon. I am very openly lesbian, and she’s made comments to me before that I brought up to management recently. A few days ago, my best friend told me she said something super transphobic about another employee to my friend while they were sitting in the office together. Today, a higher level manager pulled me into the office and told me that the support manager was spoken to, and that if I knew, or had heard of, any other incidents regarding the support manager, that now was the time to say something. I told her what my friend had told me, because seeing that the support manager is under investigation, rightfully I shouldn’t be withholding information. However to try and save face for my friend a bit, i said that i just overheard the conversation instead of making it seem like my friend was gossiping or something. My manager thanked me and let me get back to work. Immediately after, she pulled my friend aside and obviously asked her about what the support manager said, because my friend hasn’t spoken a word to me since. I know it was the right thing to do, but I feel really shitty because my friend confided something in me and I feel like I betrayed her trust. It was never my intention to hurt her, I was only trying to do what was right. Should I have just bit my tongue? What should I do?
TL;DR My best friend that I’m in love with told me smt shitty another employee at work said, and I told higher level management because the shitty employee is under investigation and now my friend is mad and won’t talk to me.
Prind25: You were more concerned with screwing over this Christian person than you were with what your friend wanted so you spoke for her and put her in a position she didn't necessarily want to be in without her consent. She's an adult she can complain all on her own but she didn't.
glitterous69: It wasn’t about screwing the person over necessarily, regardless of comments made I have no bad blood with them personally. I wasn’t intending to speak on behalf of my friend, but I was told that if I knew something to come forward about it. I did as i was told. My friend is one of the most shy people you will ever meet, I doubt she would report a crime unless urged to do so. The issue with this support manager is years running, and the person in question has frequently been very hurt by her comments. I’m not defending myself either, just trying to give more context I might have forgotten
Prind25: You probably should have had a conversation with your friend then. Don't do what management tells you, they are out to protect themselves from an liability, not to solve problems or make people feel better, they are no going to handle anything the way it probably should be and they don't care if they upset anyone.
| 4 | 0.25 |
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