start_date stringlengths 10 10 | end_date stringlengths 10 10 | thread_id stringlengths 8 10 ⌀ | subreddit stringclasses 1
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value | total_score int64 -564 194k | text stringlengths 52 58.9k | num_messages int64 3 160 | avg_score float64 -55.17 14.3k |
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1671790282 | 1671829270 | t3_ztbu0n | t5_2to41 | 32,549 | SheFuckingHatesMeNow: TIFU being a supportive brother
A year ago my sister created an account on a popular porn platform. You might know the name of the site. It rhymes with holy cans. My sister was planning to keep it a secret from the people close to her, but that became impossible when her content on holy cans became popular. I don't know who broke the news to our parents, but at some point my mom and dad invited me to a family meeting to discuss the situation.
I was literally the only person at the family meeting who had my sister's back. I was also high at the time. My parents wanted my sister to stop producing porn and get a "real job." Our siblings agreed. My sister did her best to explain her side, but she didn't stand a chance against the whole family. I stood up and shared my opinion. The weed was doing most of the talking btw.
I remember saying something like "A, this is none of our business. B, speaking of business, porn IS a real job for a lot of people, DAD. She (my sister) is an adult who chose to put a price tag on her body and it seems to be working out for her. Less shaming. More understanding." My sister hugged me afterwards and said thank you. My little speech did nothing to change how the rest of the family was feeling though. Everyone left upset.
My sister eventually deleted her holy cans page and allowed Jesus into her life. She asked our parents and our siblings to forgive for her unwillingness to listen to them when she was living in sin. However, she called me the Devil's puppet because I encouraged her to infect others with her sinfulness. That was less than a week ago. I think she's blocked me since then. I'm no longer looking forward to Christmas with the family this year.
TL:DR I supported my sister doing porn when our whole family shamed her for it. Then she fell in love with Jesus, quit porn, forgave my family, and blamed me for working with the dark lord to encourage her to do porn. The fuck.
m0nza9: Wow that was a mighty quick turnaround!
SheFuckingHatesMeNow: They come and they go.
Zavier97: Just like her former fans...
Edit: Thanks for the awards!
mooby117: And colleagues...
factzor: And my ex
_Jam3s_: And my axe!
CaptainC0medy: And my Gandalf the Grey And Gandalf the White
And Monty Python and the Holy Grail's Black Knight
And Benito Mussolini And the Blue Meanie
And Cowboy Curtis And Jambi the Genie
Robocop The Terminator Captain Kirk And Darth Vader
Lo Pan Superman Every single Power Ranger
Bill S. Preston And Theodore Logan
Spock The Rock Doc Ock And Hulk Hogan
Malnurtured_Snay: You forgot Mr Spock
CaptainC0medy: Ctrl + f: "spock"
Malnurtured_Snay: There he is! But I meant Dr Spock the child psychologist and that's clearly Mr Spock from Star Trek .... (whistles)
AFewStupidQuestions: Good save.
I don't think anyone important noticed.
Malnurtured_Snay: u/captainc0medy did :(
And you did :(
AFewStupidQuestions: Yes. Nobody important.
CaptainC0medy: I'll have you know I am famous.
Malnurtured_Snay: u/afewstupidquestions But perhaps you are important, to someone. Somewhere. Out there. Someone's saying a prayer. That we'll find one another in that big somewhere out there....
u/captainc0medy Dude, you're so famous you're infamous.
CaptainC0medy: If thousands can believe there are lizard men on mars controlling SPECIFICALLY the American government. someone can believe me when I'm lying
| 17 | 1,914.647059 | |
1671790228 | 1671794381 | t3_ztbtic | t5_2to41 | 20 | Rylanpien: Tifu by playing porn at the max volume
tifu by accidentally playing porñ at max volume at a Christmas dinner
It all happened a day or two ago and I am still embarrassed by the fact. My family took us to our grandparents house for a Christmas gathering and all that stuff. I get bored then go the the bathroom and start browsing this nsfw Reddit because I'm very stupid.. I had no idea at the time that my volume was on and connected to the Bluetooth speaker playing Christmas music before, then this video plays, I try to turn down the volume but end up pressing the wrong button then boom loud ASF moaning gagging. It took at least 1 minute to realize that porn was playing very loudly out of the speaker. My youngest brother started crying as my mom tried to calm him down he kept thinking that the speaker was playing audio of gore videos. Granny had a heart attack due to the sudden loudness of the porn. We had to call an ambulance due to this fact. Dinner was silent with the exception of my brother. Now he has PTSD and Granny is not doing well because of the hardcore shit. How do I get this out of my head, it is so embarrassing.... TL :DR My brother is scared for life and my mom won't talk to me and Granny had a heart attack. It all happened because of my boredom and I hope to stop thinking about this thing again. I think everyone thinks I'm a sex offender now.
mickdeb: You guys do the christmas dinner 4 days in advance ?
Rylanpien: Yes because we live far apart
bothsidesofthemoon: That's probably for the best.
| 4 | 5 | |
1669878123 | 1669904597 | t3_z9h8ai | t5_2to41 | 11 | No-Art-7591: TIFU panic over an unannounced 🍆 pics and drop my phone while my friend is sitting near me.
So my university dining hall was having special dinner event today that I really wanted to go to get some food. When I get there, a few my friends was already sitting as a group at a table so I asked them if I could join them, even though they almost finished their meal. So one of the guy left after five minutes or so and there was only three of us left. I was the only one sitting in the opposite direction with 2 of my friends while I was enjoying my shrimp and checking Snapchat on my phone.
And then, out of nowhere this guy that I hooked up with send me a dick pics. I was really surprised and freaked out (because I was in public) so I couldn’t hold my phone properly and drop it on the table. The other two guys didn’t know what is going on so they look at me and my phone, AND … that is when they saw a dick pics on my phone. I quickly pick it up and switch to Spotify and then I glanced at their face. I saw they smiled :)) that is when I knew I fucked up, real bad…
I have to act that everything is fine while everything is not fine and telling them that I’ve finished my shrimps and will be dropping the dish at the dish room even though I really want to have more. So much things going through my head at that moment like how to come up with a good excuses with what happened (because they didn’t know that I am gay) and even lied to myself that they didn’t see it at all.
However, the damage have already been done and I have spent the past 6 hours cursing at myself, blaming that guy for sending me a dick pics even though I have told him many times before not to send it without a warning, me for not buying a privacy screen protector. It’s 1:30 am right now and I still can’t go to sleep after what happened. :(
I have a class tomorrow at 10:15 AM, and I have to sit with them to finish a group project. I don’t know if those two guys will tell the rest of the group because apparently, they pretty close to one another. I hope that they are mature enough to not share this with anyone and keep it to themselves but this is just a false hope that I am trying to convince myself.
Also, the guy’s 🍆 small so idk why he like to show it to me :) I was wondering if he is aware about it. I feel kind of rude if I told him that his 🍆 was not that great and he should stop sending it randomly to me.
TL;DR: panic over a dick pic and drop my phone while my friend is sitting near me. Friends smiles at me, I panic and walked away act like nothing ever happened. I have a class tomorrow and I don’t know how to act after what happened.
stickman_jr: If the friends was me.. I would laugh it off and move on like nothing happened. It's your business and you just accident dropped your phone. I don't think you have to worry too much about that.
No-Art-7591: Yeah hopefully but idk why my mind just keep replaying that scene in my head. It’s pretty exhausting. Anyway, thanks for your input !
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1671236396 | 1671312345 | t3_zntfi2 | t5_2to41 | 7,305 | Chocolategirl1234: TIFU by accidentally going into the male changing room (I’m a woman) and taking my clothes off before a man pointed out my error
I’m dying inside and may never recover!
My sports club is renovating changing rooms. To accommodate the (male) contractors, the changing rooms have been temporarily switched.
On autopilot I walked past the 7 million signs explaining the change, went into the wrong changing room (which was empty at this point) and took my clothes off to get into my swimsuit. I was at the point of no return when a man appeared from the shower and pointed out my mistake.
This was the signal for several more men to appear from their class ending and pretend not to watch me desperately trying to get some clothes back on!
One of them even waved at me later in the bar!
I’m destroyed!
TL;DR - I (female) undressed in mens changing room and had to put my clothes on in front of a group of men.
Impossible-Web740: If I walked into the changing room and saw a woman in there, my first instinct would be to panic, think I was in the wrong room, and run out immediately.
CSkahn: This happened to me at a bar restroom when I was a little too sent to process the situation appropriately.
Walked in, two women at the sinks. Panic, turn around, see urinals. Brain goes into full wtf mode. Then they just walk out without a word.
XediDC: We have a local lesbian bar that fairly often hosts food events aimed at everyone (and they are fairly welcoming in general). The restroom is one large typical US restroom, mostly stalls but has a urinal too.
It's...a bit strange in the US, but also quite chill. At least when I've been there for events, as a dude, it seems to work fine. (And I assume any walnuts would get ejected with gusto quite quickly.)
(It's technically not legal here, but the city usually steers clear of citing cases like this.)
a_frayn: We have a gay bar here which markets to the entire spectrum of sexuality and gender. They have two washroom. At one point they were gendered. One has urinals. One doesn’t.
People just started using whatever they feel like. Now they have generic signs.
T_Cliff: How do you know which has urinals?
a_frayn: You walk in and look
Plokmijn27: weird, you used to know just by a singular sign what style of toilets the bathroom had
now you have to walk into one, walk out of it cause its not the right one and walk into the other one
isnt this all so convenient and awesome?
Plokmijn27: call me crazy but bathrooms should be designed for the majority of people, not the 1%
XediDC: So no disabled access? Screw them too I guess.
Plokmijn27: definitely never said that
XediDC: Might want to be clear exactly which 1% group you want to exclude when you say things like that then.
And you can design towards everyone as much as possible.
Plokmijn27: sure thing boss
| 13 | 561.923077 | |
1671793888 | 1671829377 | t3_ztcsou | t5_2to41 | 285 | PassengerNumerous607: TIFU by sleeping with a friend. And I mean just sleeping
TIFU by sleeping with my friend. And I mean just sleeping
On a throwaway, we’re gonna call my friend and coworker John. John has been single for a while and his family is always trying to set him up with girls, so when I met his family recently, they asked about me and wanted to set him up. We’re close so John told me about everything they said. It became a running joke. We work together as well and work very well together, like he’s the one I turn to for everything. I am his trainer and lead at our one job, and he’s my trainer and lead at our other job (we both started at the same level initially).
At his family’s holiday party, we all had drinks and John slowly became more touchy with me, putting his hand on my thigh during card games (we sat in the same chair) or around my shoulder. I didn’t feel uncomfortable and was receptive to this. I think it was the booze bc we’re both usually very uncomfortable w physicality).
His mother invited me to stay the night. John is a lean person and got a little bit too drunk and went to bed. With no nefarious intention, I checked on him a couple times between card games with his family. I went down the first time to put him in recovery position and shove pillows behind his back so if he threw up, he wouldn’t choke on it. I went to check again to make sure he hadn’t thrown up in his bed and the third time, I brought a bowl. He never threw up
By the third checkup, he invited me to watch a movie. I was pretty drunk, but it was a good movie, so I obliged. So we watch the movie and he invited me to stay in the bed with him, at least during the movie. This may sound creepy to some readers, but we’ve done this before while watching movies and I’ve never felt uncomfortable. It is not uncommon for me to hang out or sleep in beds with friends and 90% of my friends are males so I’m used to doing the whole thing of building a pillow wall if we do plan on going to sleep.
I was falling asleep and he had a full bed so the pillow wall was kind of pushing me off the bed so i got rid of it. We woke up cuddling and neither of us thought twice about it and leaned into it. I wake up a lot through the night so every time I woke up we were cuddling or he was rubbing my back and stuff like that. Didn’t think twice about it as I’m comfortable w h him and would’ve protested if I felt uncomfortable w this.
I didn’t realize till around 10 AM when he fully got out of bed that like holy shit, what did we do? it’s not the most intimate of actions but we both are not people that are casual with platonic touch and we spent the entire night cuddling. That’s something that’s extremely intimate for both of us and I know this because we’ve talked about it before.
I talk to him about it in the morning and he doesn’t even remember inviting me in his bed to watch a movie. We acknowledged that we came to and cuddled throughout the night, but we were both hungover as shit and agreed to talk about it when were not sick. I feel really fucking icky. I laid up with this man when he wasn’t cognizant, he woke up confused w a woman in his bed, not remembering anything. I feel so predatory and terrible. I am so afraid that I compromised any professional relationship we have. Im even more upset w myself that I could potentially have ruined our friendship. I am pissed at myself and ashamed for putting him in a uncomfortable position and for violating him.
He asked me if we could go to lunch today. Edit/to talk about it
TL;DR - coworker/close friend and I slept in the same bed and woke up cuddling, i fucked up because he was more drunk than me and doesn’t remember inviting me into his bed
Edit 2: I know this sounds so juvenile but we’re both averse to touch, we don’t even hug
Edit: I posted an update into the comments because it wont update here. Had a weird late night text w him a couple min ago too
Edit: if anyone still gives a shit, he said a bit ago that if we ended up in the same situation, he wouldn’t exactly mind and may actually be happy to have a casual night together again
crazyhopelessguy: I hope you get together. Those cheesy hallmark movies are my dirty little seceret and this sounds kinda like one!
Honestly though if you work well together why don't you date? Imagine the rent you would save if you lived together. Having a built in DD is really nice. If you work together you would save on gas. Also imagine all the movie watching you could do. Movie watching alone is ok but it's better with someone else.
You would have someone who couldn't just leave when you told a bad joke or had a really stinky fact. He could make you soup when your sick.
Saying all that you should just get married already! Lol
Critical-Echo-923: its like: if you come to reddit with this kind of stuff then expect people to want you to hook up
PassengerNumerous607: Lmao see: this entire comment section
crazyhopelessguy: I need closure on how you're meeting with him went!
PassengerNumerous607: In my car rn, he hasn’t brought anything up yet
crazyhopelessguy: Why don't you bring it up. It's not traditional for the woman to kinda start the relationship but it would make a better movie, lol.
PassengerNumerous607: I normally would but I’m the one who initiated the initial conversation and he was pretty caught off guard so I’m going to let him open up when he’s comfortable. We’re on our way to the dump to empty my pickup
crazyhopelessguy: A girl with a pick up! Marriage material!
crazyhopelessguy: Do you like him in a more then platonic kinda way?
PassengerNumerous607: I have no clue. I updated in a comment above, you’ll see it’s a wall of text but basically pretty anticlimactic
| 11 | 25.909091 | |
1671796760 | 1671846418 | t3_ztdk98 | t5_2to41 | 377 | Sarcastic-pickle2: TIFU (update) by sleeping with my aunts ex
So I had to make a new account to post the update since my dad took my tablet away and I have no idea what my password was
I told my aunt and apologized. She had a huge fight with her fiance and they broke up. The fight was so bad that everyone in the family found out what we have done.
My dad kicked me out. He only let me take my phone with me. I'm still in highschool so it's impossible to find a full time job and a place to stay. I called other family members and none of them would let me stay with them. Ironically the only person who would let me stay at her home was my aunt. tho my uncle tried to convince her to kick me out she basically told him that she thinks I'm a moron not evil and I deserve to be punished but not homeless. So right now I'm staying with my aunt. I'm grounded for the next 5 months and after that she'll decided whether it was enough or I need more punishment. I'm only allowed to go to school and my job and I've been uninvited from my dad's christmas but my aunt is way too nice to me which makes me more embarrased. Honestly I wish she would yell at me or something like that.
TL;DR : I told my aunt that I slept with her fiance after they broke up. She broke up with him. My dad kicked me out and I'm living with my aunt now
Adolf_Einstein_007: Drop a link of the previous post ?!
Sarcastic-pickle2: I don't know how to find the link but here is the post
My aunt and her ex boyfriend broke up a few months ago. I thought they were done. They had some really bad fights and decided to end things. I always thought he was hot but I never said or did anything but after they broke up I thought why not? We only did it once. After a while they got back together. I didn't think much of it but now they are fcking engaged. My aunt doesn't know about us and it's so fcking weird for him to be my uncle. He is literally avoiding me and everyone is getting suspicious about why we can't even stay in the same room. If my aunt finds out she is gonna hate me
Btw I'm 18 he is 31
TL;DR : I slept with my aunts ex thinking they were done but now they are back together and are engaged. My aunt doesn't know and if she finds out she is gonna hate me and probably break up with him again
OkVolume1: 31 should never go into 18. That's not good math.
XavierHigdon: It fits half way.
AjahnAnarchy: This does not look good on the 40k community, bruh.
XavierHigdon: You some kind of stalker?
AjahnAnarchy: You some kind of pervert?
XavierHigdon: No. Unlike many of the people here, I don't fetishize age. I don't need weird rules containing algebraic equations to avoid fucking kids. I just don't find kids attractive. Unlike the people downvoting me, apparently.
AjahnAnarchy: You made a joke about it. Maybe that’s why?
XavierHigdon: So they fuck kids, but think jokes are too far? Their priorities are all fucked up.
| 11 | 34.272727 | |
1669880894 | 1669944504 | t3_z9hyw9 | t5_2to41 | 19 | [deleted]: TIFU by not realizing my Reddit has been linked this whole time
[deleted]
Reyalta: If you've ever found a Reddit account that doesn't have some *s*t*u*f*f* on it, it's probably a bot.
If your friends stalked your profile, saw you were having s******* ideation and they didn't intervene, they're not your friends. Meaning it's more likely that they didn't actually go through your old posts.
I've had friends irl that I've run into in common subs and we always text outside of Reddit like "I won't if you don't" because we literally all have something we'd rather not have everyone we know know about on here. It's a mutual respect of like "how do you do, fellow normie".
This too, shall pass, my dear. And if someone brings up your concerning post in any other context than to make sure you're doing okay, they were never your friend to begin with, and kindly tell them to kick rocks.
Also, I hope you're doing better and found the support you needed in your dark moments. 💕
wow_im_origional: Hello! Thank you so much for your reply and kind words! Thankfully I’m doing much much better with my mental health now. At the time a few months ago I was dealing with getting back stabbed really bad by my best friends while also being stressed bc of school work and college applications so I wasn’t doing too well. I’ve since learned to let go and forget about those “friends” and am doing a lot better. I used the term friends in my post but the people whom I sent my gaming clips to were actually my cousins. I just call them my friends when talking about them to others because they are honestly more like my best friends since we’re close in age. They were the main reason I was able to get through the whole ordeal. I never really told any of them about what had happened between me and my ex-best friends, but just being able to game with them and have fun everyday throughout all of summer was enough to make me feel happy and less alone and helped me forget about everything.
You’re probably right that they most likely haven’t clicked on my page and went through my posts because they probably would’ve said something by now since we’re family. I’m just mortified that one of the random people in the discord (like my cousin’s friends or smth) might’ve went through all my posts and seen my deepest thoughts that I have never told anyone 💀. I also forgot to mention in my post but my older brother is also in the discord so he may have seen my reddit as well which is 100x more mortifying than my cousins or their friends seeing it…
After finding out that they could see my reddit I deleted every post on my page LMAO so yeah hopefully no one saw it and if someone did hopefully they never utter a word about it to anyone else or I will cry 🥲. Again thank you so much for your kind words! I really appreciate the advice and kindness 💜💜💜
Reyalta: It's wonderful to hear that you have the support and love around you to move through something like that. Good luck with your college applications as well! What an exciting new chapter of life you're about to enter.
| 4 | 4.75 | |
1671584331 | 1671607198 | t3_zr5q1q | t5_2to41 | 7 | IdonnnHaveto: TIFU Wearing a big jacket ruined my life
All my life i've been an average person. Never stood out in sports, academics or social life. But honestly mediocrity is not that bad, I truly did enjoy my days. After a long day in school i'd come home to eat some lunch my mom cooked up and then hopped on playstation with the boys. But all this changed when i decided to buy and wear a jacket that was one size too big. As soon as i put the jacket on i realized people were giving me dirty looks, the little attention i was getting from girls went to nothing, even my boys started playing the new call of duty without inviting me. It must be because the sleeves are too long right ? no thats not the whole story. The jacket made me look like a fridge, i smelled like shit because of all the accumulated sweat from wearing the jacket all day. I couldn't even show off my new fake louis vuitton belt because the jacket was covering it all day. I slowly became more and more depressed until I wasn't able to remove the jacket anymore, it became a part of me. I'm now a big fat sweaty loser because my jacket was an extra size too big but i want to change my life, what do i do ?
TL;DR: Purchased jacket one size too big and life spiralled out of control from there
Singsalotoday: Uhhhhhh what?
Sodamonster01: It's a joke
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1671799117 | 1671800801 | t3_zte9u7 | t5_2to41 | 16 | [deleted]: tifu by be extremely horny and send nudes to a friend
[deleted]
Hannah-may: She doesn’t just think you’re a perv, she knows you’re a perv. Yikes.
fiftyfifty_clown: Yeah, you right. I realize now that I need help with that. So sorry
Hannah-may: For future reference, just go with the baseline that women don’t find dick pics attractive or sexy and do not want them on their phone.
Don’t send anything like that until specifically requested by an active, willing and appropriate partner.
fiftyfifty_clown: Thanks. Sorry if my post sounded sick and male chauvinist. Is really a problem, I'm a sick person with that. Btw thanks for the words, talking here was a way I found to admit that I have a problem.
Hannah-may: Saying you’re sick sounds like a cop out. To me you just sound like an idiot who needs to learn more about treating other people with respect.
If therapy is part of your learning process then good. You need to start learning real emotional intelligence.
Apologies are cheap, especially to internet strangers. Do better, be better. Identify your bad behaviour towards women and try and never do dumb shit like this again.
| 6 | 2.666667 | |
1671799116 | 1671864283 | t3_zte9tu | t5_2to41 | 455 | Teufel1987: TIFU by remote-locking my wife inside my car
So I recently upgraded my car. And I do mean upgrade. My new car has automatic everything: transmission, wipers, windows, even headlights!
I named her Sonja. It's because she is red, the model name given by the manufacturer starts with an S, and my weird brain made a connection with those two and that old Arnold Schwarzenegger movie.
Sonja is a fancy bitch. She comes with an app (like almost everything these days) through which she "talks" to me and tells me things. Things like, if the fuel is low, or if the air pressure in the tyres is low.
One of the things she loves telling me is if I forgot to lock the doors. This is fair, because my old car did not have keyless entry nor remote lock, so one tends to forget...
Some time later, one fine Sunday morning, my wife was meeting a friend and so she decided to borrow the car.
A couple of minutes later, I get a message on my phone.
It's Sonja, and she is telling me that the doors aren't locked.
Now, I had two options. Option 1 is call my wife and tell her to lock the doors
But the problem with that was that I didn't think my wife would really appreciate me interrupting her socialising with her friend.
So I went with Option 2. You see, the app also allows me to start and stop the engine remotely as well as lock the car too.
A few taps on the phone and it was done. I went about my day doing my thing.
Problem was that I had kept the phone away while doing all that.
When my wife comes back, I am talking to her while absently looking at my phone to see if there were any notifications I missed.
Sure enough, there was one.
It was Sonja, saying, "An unauthorised entry was detected"
So I ask my wife, "Anything happen with the car?"
Immediately her entire body language changes. Wide-eyed, she says, "Your. Car. Is. *Possessed*!*"*
So it turns out that when she reached the parking lot, my wife was sitting inside the car chilling out on her phone as she was waiting for her friend to turn up, on account of being there early. That was about the time I got the message about the car being locked.
As I said before, Sonja is a fancy bitch. So when locked, she not only makes that locking sound, but also folds up the wing mirrors as they flash the orange lights multiple times.
Startled by that, my wife decided to get out of the car. So she opened the door.
Sonja did not like it. And she proceeded to show her displeasure via a massive sound and light show involving the headlights, the fog lights, the hazard lights and the horn.
My wife was standing there, frozen in shock for a long moment before she realised that she could stop it by pressing the button on the remote.
"I don't know why that crazy thing was howling so much when I opened the door! That too after it locked me in, in the first place!!" My wife exclaimed, concluding her story.
Naturally, I had to confess.
The look I got... ooooh boy!
Now when she takes the car, she makes certain to call me and announce "I am now locking your car!" with what I can only imagine is a dramatic pressing of the lock button.
**TL ; DR:** Locked my wife inside my fancy car all the way from home, causing quite a bit of excitement for her.
TigzyGee: OMG this is gold!!! I'd like to know what car it is being all this super fancy, hopefully not a Tesla though since I still love my gas guzzlers 🤣🤣🤣
Teufel1987: It’s a KIA Sonet
TigzyGee: Nice, gotta look up prices for them in my location 😁
EDIT: Dang I just checked, Sonet's aren't sold where I am, the closest thing I can get is either a Seltos or a Sportage
Teufel1987: The Seltos isn’t bad either. Although somehow the gear changing is smoother in the Sonet and the Sonet has a bigger boot space
| 5 | 91 | |
1671763263 | 1671829143 | t3_zt4cgu | t5_2to41 | 10 | PhoenixQueen_Azula: Tifu by getting hacked and still using yahoo mail
It happened. No I didn’t Skype sex with a girl I just met. I thought I was smarter than this, more tech savvy. Smart enough to know not to click suspicious links
So I thought, until my cousin messaged me on discord asking to help him out with a gift. A friend of his is making a game, he knows I play games and asks if I’ll do a little review. The message sounding the way he typed and the site link cleared virus scans and looked legit with pics of the game and everything
So I download it and run the installer. “Trojan detected”. Oops. Okay well delete that, it’s probably just a false positive but no chances, delete the game files too etc. Everything’s going to be fine, don’t panic
Wait why am I not logged into discord. Hey, that’s not my email, and it won’t let me change it…
And it’s all downhill from there. Yes I use the same password on multiple sites, I know I’m not the only lazy one. And there goes my yahoo email that I’ve used for like a decade and is attached to virtually every account I have anywhere
I imagine most people haven’t had a reason to use yahoo support in ages but let me tell what it is: there isn’t one. There’s a paid phone line, and a useless free glorified tech faq. I’m not getting this account back and I can’t even tell them to shut it down without paying. My google account is gone after that, with my YouTube (300 subscribers too, tho I’m more bummed about losing years of channel subscriptions and liked video).
Luckily there shouldn’t be any card info anywhere and while they’re threatening sending a video of me masturbating I don’t even have a camera on my pc and the only friends/family they may have access to would be on discord and they’d just have a laugh
TL;DR: Downloaded a file, got hacked lost basically every account I had for probably over a decade. Yahoo support is nonexistent. My Reddit is on a different old email that I don’t think even exists anymore, I’m currently reinstalling windows and wiping my hard drives.
[deleted]: yahoo is very insecure, id recommend you use gmail or another email client
PhoenixQueen_Azula: Well I will be now lol
My Gmail was also lost which is more upsetting since that has my YouTube and everything else google has including probably other passwords.
I’ll be having like 3 different providers to be safe, My backup email for the gmail was my yahoo so since I couldn’t access that I couldn’t recover the gmail. Google’s support/recovery was unsurprisingly noticeably better than yahoos, I was just thoroughly screwed
| 3 | 3.333333 | |
1669884088 | 1669938374 | t3_z9ist4 | t5_2to41 | 25 | [deleted]: TIFU by telling a girl to get raped and then getting a crush on her
[removed]
PlsRfNZ: > She is exotic. For her size her boobs are good
Son.
Don't.
Please.
[deleted]: don't do what?
TheUrPigeon: You have a lot more growing up to do before you inflict yourself on anyone else.
[deleted]: Hey I try to avoid her where I can.
What more do you want me to do?
TheUrPigeon: Bruh, improve yourself. That's what I want. Take some fuckin' classes if you have to, because right now you're the kind of person who tells someone to get raped because they're slightly annoying. Basically? You're a fuckin' asshole and you need to fix that.
[deleted]: I know that telling her to get raped is wrong however why is it wrong? I didnt hurt or threaten her. I just told her what i wished on her. Why would she care?
EDIT: this story took place 2 years ago. I likely wouldnt tell her to fet raped. If she acts fucking stupid again, I would probably talk about her sex life!
TheUrPigeon: Seek therapy. You have so much to work through.
| 8 | 3.125 | |
1669883435 | 1669946053 | t3_z9imu4 | t5_2to41 | 269 | LockStockNL: TIFU by reporting a possible kidnapping
Obligatory "this didn't happen today but a few years ago"
My then-girlfriend (now wife) and I were happily cruising down the highway when another car passed us on the left. I was driving and I happened to look over to the car passing us and I couldn't really register what I was seeing. So I told my girlfriend;
"Euhm honey, I think the front passenger is tied to his seat with duct tape..."
Knowing me she went "suuuuure mate" but as I was pretty convinced what I saw I gave it a bit of gas and we pulled back up next to the other car.
And we both clearly saw an older man, wrapped in cellophane and it looked like he was tied to his seat with a large amount of duct tape.
Our initial reaction was a sincere and powerful "What. The. Fuck.". And we quickly decided there was a good chance this guy was not in that position by choice. I mean, who enjoys being duct-taped to a seat covered in cellophane, right?
what do now?
We considered trying to stop the other car, but that would be a massively stupid idea. So we called the police, who of course took it very seriously very quickly. After relaying where we were driving and the details of the other car and both occupants (the elderly taped up guy and a younger adult male driving) we took our exit. Afterwards I did feel that was really an asshole move on our part, we should have stayed with them until the police were there. In our meager defense we were driving to the notary to sign for our new house and the police did assure us that a patrol car was almost there, but looking back we could have gotten to the appointment a bit later to make sure help actually arrived for this poor poor man in that horrible situation. But alas.. We took our exit, signed for our house and during the trip back we talked about what the fuck just happened and we wondered how it had ended.
And around that time the police called!
I got suspicious/relieved when I heard that the officer on the other end of the line was sounding quite amused. He told me that the patrol car wasn't able to locate them on the highway (which made me feel like even a bigger asshole about taking that exit) but they did go to the address the license plate was registered to where they found the car in the driveway. They went up to house, rang the bell and the alleged driver of the car opened the door. The younger adult male. Who was the son of the older gentleman. The older gentleman who apparantly has a rare skin disorder which requires periodic treatment and part of this treatment is being wrapped in some sort medical cellophane using bandages that look like duct tape. According to the police they were invited into the house where they confirmed the story and met with this very surprised father :') In the end all was well, the police and us had a good laugh about it, we did apologize profusely for tying up precious resources because we were dumbasses and that was it.
I realize this is not a huge FU, but for some reason I remembered this today and thought it to be a unique enough story to be posted here. :)
**TL;DR** Thought we saw a kidnapped guy in a car, wrapped in cellophane and tied to his seat. Called the police and it turned out it was just someone coming back from treatment for a rare skin disease
chewytime: Where did this happen? Surprised they tracked them down. Last time I called the cops was in reference to a hit and run I was in where the other guy peeled off after I checked on him. Was waiting around for hours before anyone called me back and no one showed up. Even after filing a police report, nothing ever came from it.
LockStockNL: In the Netherlands, the police here are pretty nice
chewytime: That makes so much sense now. Didn’t think they would’ve handled it that delicately in the US. Probably would’ve sent in a SWAT team.
dsly4425: And the old man would have probably been mistaken for someone of a slightly less than ivory complexion and somehow killed in the crossfire between them and the unarmed driver.
| 5 | 53.8 | |
1670772414 | 1670864233 | t3_ziwcaw | t5_2to41 | 865 | drippywax710: TIFU by taking a girl on the worst first date she has ever been in
Per usual, this happened a few years ago. My FU snowballed and got her to FU. So I[M] was a bartender at a small dive bar and a friend of mine (we will call her D) from college came in with one of her friends (call her S). I was catching up with D and could tell her friend was into me because she was flirting pretty hard. D was getting pretty tipsy throughout the night and S decided it was time to go home. S slipped me her phone number and said to let her know when her friend got home safe. The rest of the night was fun and we had a good time catching up. After I sent my friend home in an Uber, I texted S and let her know that her friend was in an Uber heading home safely. She immediately responded that she didn’t give me her number for that reason only, and I said that she had made it pretty clear about that. We made plans to go on a date a couple days later.
Fast forward to the date. We went to a semi upscale restaurant downtown, and I was a little nervous because S was very attractive and a little out of my league. We really got into it and started having a great time. We ordered some beers, as well as food, and it seemed like we were having a good connection.
Here is where it starts to go south…
Halfway through the date, my nose starts gushing blood out of nowhere (happens to me sometimes when the air gets dry or seasons change). I quickly get up and start running for the bathroom, leaving all my stuff at the table, phone included. I was in the bathroom for probably about a half hour trying to stop this nosebleed. It felt like so much time had passed that I was almost sure she had left. I finally come out and see the table had been cleared and everything was boxed up. I sit down and explain what happened and she said she actually thought I just ghosted her, so she paid for everything. It didn’t really make sense to me why she thought that since I left all my stuff at the table but whatever. We finished the date on a good note and made plans to do this again within the next few days. I walked her to her car right across the street, gave her a hug and a kiss, and said goodnight.
Where she fucked up
Granted I only had two beers over the course of the whole date, as did she. But while I was in the bathroom she must have slammed a couple of shots or something, but seemed fine to me.
As I was walking to my car, I see her peel out the wrong direction up a one way street with a cop sitting right there. Lights turn on and she gets pulled over in front of the lot I am parked in, blocking my only way out. I get in my car and sit for about 10 minutes while the cop runs her information. Second cop car pulls up. Uh oh. The cop pulls forward and waves me through to let me out and I go straight home. The next day before going into work I get a text from S saying that she had some personal stuff come up and she isn’t ready for a romantic relationship right now and I said that I understood. When I got to work, my boss already had her mugshot pulled up and asked me how my date went last night.
TL;DR
Took a girl out on a date, my nose started gushing blood, she thought I ghosted her so she paid for everything, drank more while I was stopping my nosebleed, she got a DUI and we didn’t have a second date
dirtybrownwt: Sounds like she’s not all there in the head department. She thought you ghosted her when you left all your stuff at the table. A spontaneous nosebleed is kind of hard to miss. She slammed a bunch of shots knowing she had to drive. She went the wrong way on a one way street. Yeah this isn’t your fuck up bro beans. It’s entirely hers.
StingMachine: Crazy like that she probably would have fucked your brains out though. Too bad bro.
palegate: You know where one should never stick one's dick?
killswitchuser: Where bros?
palegate: Well, they do say bros before hoes...
killswitchuser: Lmao
| 7 | 123.571429 | |
1671804723 | 1671870871 | t3_ztgk9o | t5_2to41 | 37 | throwaway995003: TIFU by eating my pasta wrong
I make the *worst* dating decisions. So I'd been kinda dating this rich dude for like a month and a half. We've both been drunk for most of it as he's an alcoholic and will only spend time with me at his favorite bar.
Well, one night I was drunk and high and was complaining that I want time alone with him. Haven't even slept with him. He keeps avoiding me. So he says we'll hang out tomorrow. Tomorrow rolls around and I just get to see him at the bar and we drink until midnight and then go to an Italian restaurant.
I pick up the shell of an oyster to scrape the meat out of and he freaks out on me. Saying that I can't just pick it up and eat it. Instructs me to use my fork... in the exact way I was about to do. Whatever. Then I pick up my fork and start twirling it and before I can do anything he gets mad again. Says I need to use my spoon with it. I'm a little annoyed and I give him a little shit but do it anyway. But it was not perfect. He continues to berate me. I'm getting increasingly upset. I keep telling him I'm trying and I didn't exactly grow up nice. He tells me that I'm embarrassing him and that he's calling me an uber instead of driving me home.
I disassociate while outside, because of BPD, and I guess I missed the uber so he comes out to berate me again and call me another.
I'm either broken up (again. it's a trend) with or he won't remember and he should be broken up with. And once again I'm reminded why I always avoid rich dudes.
​
**TLDR:** TIFU by not eating my pasta in a proper manner and now my alcoholic rich boyfriend is mad and might actually break up with me.
​
EDIT: He was still mad about pasta today and broke up with me. 23rd
_coffee_: Explain to me exactly _why_ you'd want to be in a relationship with that person.
Seriously, why?
fliguana: Money.
"Rich dude" was all the description in the post.
throwaway995003: I just mention he's a "rich dude" because I'm a bit bitter over the rich guys I've attracted in the past. Would rather date someone who isn't. The story proves my point lol.
fliguana: The taxonomy if men is wider than "rich-not rich".
There are just as many jerks and alcoholics in the non-rich category. More, actually.
Have you given a thought what you want in a mate, besides financial standing?
throwaway995003: True. I don't care about their financial standing more socio-economical standing lol. But I haven't had many good relationships. I ideally want someone who doesn't have a substance issue, isn't married, only hit me consensually, and not vanilla. uh.. yeah. That's it.
RetroReactiveRuckus: Caring about socioeconomic status is caring about how much money they have and then some. So yeah you do care about financial standing.
throwaway995003: Fair. I don't want them wealthy.
| 8 | 4.625 | |
1671806524 | 1671808200 | t3_zthfvm | t5_2to41 | 23 | saItoids: TIFU by turning the drip off during Texas freeze
Hi y’all, today is my first Texas freeze and since I’ve been in college these past 3 years, I’ve haven’t experienced a Texas freeze like the one from last year. Last night i got up to get some water and must have turned the kitchen faucet drip off and woke up to no cold or hot water running through. Now i don’t know what to do to unfreeze them or chill my anxiety lol. So far I’ve opened up the cabinet and aimed a space heater towards it but so far no change! I also have a blow dryer, which I’ve seen people use to unfreeze. Worried about what to do next and prepping for a heavy berating from my parents…
I’ve seen other people mention this but the house was built in like the 70’s. There are also two valves underneath the sink, I’m assuming they’re for hot/cold water respectively, is turning those off now a good idea?
Bathroom sink is still dripping cold water, but hot water isn’t, if that means anything.
any advice is appreciated!
tl;dr accidentally turned drip off of kitchen faucet, now no running cold/hot water.
edit 1: we also have no basement! should’ve mentioned that.
canuckcowgirl: Open the cupboard beneath the sink and use a blow dryer to warm the pipes.
-Immolation-: It's likely the pipes in the crawl space or basement.
saItoids: Sorry forgot to mention but we have no basement! I’ll edit that in.
-Immolation-: If it makes you feel any better. I literally did the exact same thing and I'm on day two with no water. I'm on the west coast of Canada though and the cabin I'm renting has zero insulation.
| 5 | 4.6 | |
1671807766 | 1671827367 | t3_ztiep3 | t5_2to41 | 12 | anafunlaxis: TIFU by losing Jennifer Lawrence’s business.
Obligatory this-happened-a-year-and-a-half-ago.
I was working a call center job from home for a major retailer, specializing in furniture sales, servicing, logistics, etc. Truth be told, I didn’t know shit about dick. I’d been given thorough training on the functionality of our furniture, materials used, how to walk someone through a self-repair, and pass along work orders. I had a basic understanding of walking people through their furniture selections. However, most of my knowledge of the individual products was based on whatever came across my screen.
When I received product specific questions, much of my information was derived from our website….the one people can access on their own. So I get a call one day, asking about some patio furniture. I pull up the product pages on furniture store dot com, and I was hesitant to answer questions, as I was reading through the item details. Mind you, I did not work in sales. I was doing my best.
I caught a vibe that this stranger reeked of entitlement, so I kept it ultra professional, but still not very helpful. She name dropped herself, expecting me to know, as though she were a regular client I spoke to daily. Nope. Jennifer Lawrence. I was oblivious until I got off of the phone and realized who she was. She told me she was going to buy her shit elsewhere. My company lost out on some big bucks because of it.
To this day, I cringe thinking about it, but it’s my one and only celebrity interaction. I fucked up.
TL;DR: My lack of knowledge of a specific line of products lost my company Jennifer Lawrence Money™️ because I didn’t adjust my demeanor after she name dropped herself.
wildadragon: If that was really her.
ForkShirtUp: It was her. Proof, I am her
crazyhopelessguy: I wonder how many famous people have accounts and comment regularly?
I always find it hard to belive that doctors comment on here. I know some MDs and they are too busy to be bothered with reddit. Maybe I just don't know the right ones...
Dgeneratecow: Wait you are telling me that Jennifer Lawrence isn't a massive fan of webtoons and she doesn't own a Nissan rogue?
| 5 | 2.4 | |
1671345128 | 1671366683 | t3_zos1s7 | t5_2to41 | 1,991 | throwaway395871: TIFU by telling my sister I got molested
I (M18) hinted to my sister (F21) that I had sexual trauma as a weird dark joke (I know it's stupid I shouldn't have done it). I honestly don't know why the topic came up, but it did. She asked "what I meant by that" and eventually I fessed up that I was molested.
She cried so much. She said she'd always be there for me and that I should feel comfortable opening up to her about anything. She said that it's a safe space and I shouldn't be afraid to talk about it but I couldn't bring myself to tell her it was dad because I knew it would absolutely devastate her.
It's been hard carrying this weight for over a decade, and I can't stand to look at his face and pretend everything is normal anymore, but sometimes I tend to forget the impact my words have on the people I love. She never fails to remind me that she's the most empathetic person I've ever known.
In October I almost ended things, but just now it hit me how big of a mistake that would've been when I have people like her in my life.
idk what to do now, I've been feeling like shit all night yesterday and this morning and I can't stop thinking about it. I wish I never said anything. I need to get it together.
TL;DR: I told my sister that I had been molested, she got worried and started crying. now I feel like shit that I made the most empathetic person I know worry about me for no good reason.
EDIT: for the people who are encouraging me to report him, I appreciate your thought but it's not that simple. Like I said in the replies, life is unfair and justice isn't always served. The situation is much more complicated than "report him for doing a bad thing." He's the sole earner in a family of 8, there's nothing I can do to him that won't destroy my family. We don't live in the USA, things work differently here, and I know I won't get any support if I come forward (my mom knew about it and had a "talk" with me. she basically put the responsibility on me, an 8 year old, to stop him). I just wanted to vent a little.
EDIT 2: thank you everyone for the support, I appreciate all of you, it means more than you think. I read everything, even the ones I didn't reply to. I've been alone in this for over 12 years now and as hard as it has been, it feels good knowing I have some sort of support. I think it's time for me to move away from this post though, thinking about this all day has had a toll on me. I'm really nauseous, and I'm starting to get dissociated. I don't think it would be wise dwelling on this for too long. see you guys! ❤️
PlasticInTheBasket: What you should do is report your father. He'll always be a pedophile. We just found out that my cousins (M30)and (F31) were molested by their sisters dad because his granddaughter which is 3 admitted to him touching her recently.
throwaway395871: I know my dad tried his shit with my brother as well. I just don't know what to do, my father is the sole earner in our family of 8, we don't live in the USA and we don't have any evidence of it. if anything happens to him it will literally destroy our family.
Cypher2KG: You’re 18 now, how old are your other siblings besides the sister that’s 21?
I ask because if you can’t report him but he’s a threat, maybe you can band together and scare the ever living hell out of him and control him until you’re all safe.
My father was abusive, albeit it in a much different way, and he continued to be until the day I realized I had grown up and was stronger than him.
Took me sending him flying down the stairs and punching a hole in the wall (instead of his stupid fucking deserving head) to scare him enough that he wouldn’t dare even speak to me now.
Not a solution, but if there’s 8 of you, you guys hold the power. But only if you use it together. Fuck your mom, I’m sorry she’s an asshole too.
I hope you find peace and happiness friend. I really do.
throwaway395871: thats a good way of looking at it. we're 6 siblings and the youngest is 14, pretty much the whole family (other than my older brother whos an absolute fucking suck up), including my mom, has a tumultuous relationship with him, so this might work. but they always play the pity game with him. "come on he's an old man, go easy on him" "hes your father you shouldn't say things like that" etc. so im not really sure what could happen.
Cypher2KG: Ya my brother and I teamed up, my sisters just left but they were much older.
Once you’re all together and have a similar goal of ‘let’s control this guy until we don’t need him’ he starts to live in the world you’ve been living in. I bet his moods determine the mood of the house right? Not anymore.
Men like him are weak sniveling cowards that back down when a community stands up to them. That’s you and your siblings (I bet your older brother falls in line when he sees your side winning).
Don’t feel bad about being bad to your Dad, that’s just the humanity in you speaking. He doesn’t deserve that part of you. Remind yourself of this if you start to feel bad.
It’s critical you are like this until you get yourself and the rest of your siblings out.
I’m sorry you don’t have outside support there, but you do have support inside the house. Also please don’t try to take your life again, it’s more important than you know. I’m 35 now and I’m happy and I have a good life now with good people and a good family that loves me. I believe with all of my heart you can make that happen too. I wish you all the love and support until you find your way free.
throwaway395871: thanks, I will keep your words in mind. as for the second part, I am trying my best to live my life to the fullest everyday. I'm trying to surround myself with good people and getting rid of the bad ones, and I'm doing everything in my power to better my life, so I hope one day I am in the same position as you. I definitely haven't given up yet, but sometimes the pain gets too overwhelming & blinding, and quite frankly, deluding. I hope I'm never in that same place again in my life, but who knows what the future holds. for now I'm gonna try my best to stay strong.
Cypher2KG: I’m glad to hear you have a plan to be happy OP. I do believe we have a lot more control then we realize. Being abused young creates this false narrative in your head that someone or something else controls you (it did for me at least). It wasn’t until I was much older than I realized how much I could do.
You’re still young. You still have to deal with him and this mess. But one day you’ll wake up with 20 years and thousands of miles between you and you’ll realize how small they all are. Your father, these problems, they won’t even exist to you one day. It will be like a bad dream.
Right now it seems like you have to climb the tallest tower, but that’s only because it’s right there in front of you. I have faith you’ll find a way over it, and once you do you’ll realize you can leap mountains!
Build that life you deserve, fill it with the people that deserve to be there, get rid of the people that don’t (no matter who they are). Make that be your only mission until it’s real. You are so much stronger than you know. I’m proud of the strength you’ve shown thus far.
| 8 | 248.875 | |
1671808101 | 1671813070 | t3_ztilxa | t5_2to41 | 9 | EuphoricDimension751: TIFU by trusting a grill at work
This happened yesterday but I work for a fast food restaurant I've been with for almost 9 years that uses clam shell grills and flat tops in particular but i just clocked in for my shift when i washed my hands and put on gloves to make a customers order on the inside line all by my self so as to let drive line make a 13 item order.
Everything was going smoothly for an order that was only four items with two being grilled, I finished the two not grilled items and proceeded to put one on the right side grill when the top part that has a handle to lift came falling down on top of my hand for 2 seconds while i just kinda looked at it and calmly removed it this wasn't my first burn more like my fifth but who is counting.
I had to pretend i didn't severely burn my self with a 518f degree grill in front of the customer as they look at me make their food, i hand them their food i tell them have a nice day as i see my hand swell inside my glove which surprisingly did not burn to my skin, after they left i took my glove off to discover i had recieved a 2nd degree burn and it stung like a thousand bee stings, i proceeded to fuck up again by screaming obscenities about my hand while a nice family of 4 decided to give us a visit.
I am alright for the moment I haven't been to the doctor about it but it has not got any worse from last night but still lesson learned don't forget which grill you are using cause it will definitely bite you.
TLDR: I burned my hand with a 518F degree grill top and then proceeded to scream curse words as a family walked in.
Sorry if not formatted properly done on mobile
Doe966: The only thing that we can truly control in this world is the ability to maintain our own dignity. It’s not an easy task when experiencing extreme discomfort. I have to imagine that your coworkers and employer will understand and give you a pass, but expectations may be that you handle the situation differently in the future.
EuphoricDimension751: I was the m.i.c (manager in charge) at the time lol coworkers completely understood my pain at the time and even helped me bandage up after, the costumers that heard me just kinda looked at me with shock till they saw my hand bandaged and asked me about it
| 3 | 3 | |
1671810254 | 1671811733 | t3_ztjuy3 | t5_2to41 | 9 | [deleted]: TIFU by not sending my nudes
[deleted]
celina_ferha: I think if you want him to respond a different way you're allowed to communicate that to him, if he wants to keep receiving those pictures from you
SultryNugget: I have expressed in the past that at the very least I want him to respond or else it makes me insecure, but his response was something along the lines of “well you know I think you’re sexy of course I love your pics even if I don’t express it the way you expect” but still he routinely leaves my pics on read
danger_zone123: Fair enough, but this is an opportunity to reinforce that communication. Say something along the lines of "I like taking these pictures for myself. When I send them to you and you don't respond in a gushing way then it has the opposite effect. So, I don't send them. If you want me to keep sending them, then I need you to respond differently. If you don't feel comfortable responding like that, it is ok, I just won't send them anymore."
| 4 | 2.25 | |
1669895100 | 1669906073 | t3_z9lsaz | t5_2to41 | 109 | tifubybeingstupid: TIFU by literally ruining my life because I can't count and did not check my phone.
The Monumental Fuck Up is ongoing, I was scheduled to fly from the US to Europe tomorrow and when I opened the app to check-in online, I found a notification that my flight had been changed.
TO TWO DAYS AGO.
My flight left the day before yesterday.
To add fuel to the dumpster fire, I miscalculated my stay and am now effectively two days over the expiration of my VISA. Meaning I likely won't be able to return to the US, despite depending on traveling back and forth. My life is truly fucked, I need to be able to travel! I did not see a fucking notification about the earlier flight, and I've been crying and panicking for the last three hours. Booked a flight for tonight, but canceled it again, because to try everything I called a laywer, who told me to stay (???) until it's cleared up. Family from back home has been blowing up my phone to return quickly as not to make the impression I willingly overstayed the VISA and now my gf says we should marry now (wasn't planed, but was talked about loosely for some point in the future). Asked the lawyer and he said this was the only option? Does he only want my money? Should I believe him and stay or go? Logic says leave as soon as possible and clear it up afterwards, but the lawyer sure knows his country better? I have never felt so helpless.
Sorry this is jumbled but I don't know what to do, every day I stay I'm here illegally, but once I'm out I don't know if I can ever return to my gf? What am I supposed to do??? I'm really struggling and can not think clearly, the more I read the more confused I get, I dreamt of working and living here one day and now I fucked it all up beyond repair.
I know many of Redditors are American, does anyone know what the fuck I am supposed to do? My gf is American btw.
​
Update: Thanks so far to everyone, working on the second immigration attorney's input.
​
TL;DR: Missed my flight and overstayed my VISA in the US, might forever be banned of returning.
raduuuuu: Far from being a lawyer or a US immigration expert, but upon leaving the US nobody checked my Visa or put any stamp on my passport (I travelled several times, and I always found it weird since in most countries you get a stamp both upon entering and upon leaving), so if ICE doesn't stop you, I think you can quietly leave US then reapply for a visa in your home country. (Again, I cannot stress this enough...I am not a lawyer nor an expert in US immigration).
tifubybeingstupid: I have to apply for the VISA back home and go to the embassy, and I'm sure they do various checks and know who traveled when even without the physical stamp, there has to be an electronic registration. Don't want to risk it, they were super unforgiving in the American embassy back home already.
raduuuuu: Actually aren't you protected by gdpr in this case? I seriously doubt they pull flight data. As far as I remember in the application form there is one question: "have you ever over stayed your visa?". That is the only place where you would need to "bend the truth" a little bit. BTW you overstayed your 10 year visa or just overstayed those 90 days you can spend continously in USA?
tifubybeingstupid: Overstayed the 180 days.
raduuuuu: Yeah I think it's really really not that big of an issue. I live in Switzerland and understand why with your cultural background you would freak out, but it's really not that big of an issue. Your embassy should provide more assistance but definetly don't marry and try to leave asap, nobody will check you upon departure and since you don't need a new visa... You won't need to contact the US embassy in Germany at all.
tifubybeingstupid: That's what I thought, but the lawyer advised to stay and clear it here, I might be too suspicious but wondered if he hoped to get a good customer? I just don't know.
raduuuuu: Yeah... Embassy is your best friend right now. Contact them asap and don't stress too much. It's going to be OK!
| 8 | 13.625 | |
1671809053 | 1671902787 | t3_ztj7ma | t5_2to41 | 36 | SexyParrotTucs: TIFU by using the bathroom (after weeks) on my gf's house
Obligatory not happend today, but something like 10 years ago.
When I (M29) was 18/19, I was on a long distance relationship with a girl (1 year younger than me) that lived with her (very strict) parents. I used to visit her 2 or 3 times a year and stayed at their house for a month, with my gf, her parents and younger sister. As her parents were really consevatives and worried that she would get pregnant, they tried to prohibt us to be alone at the house, specially for long periods of time.
I was shy and couldn't shit with the house full of people, as the bathroom was on a central part of the house and the flush wasn't that powerful. Well, we were dating for quiet some time and I have been there some times already. After a couple of weeks there, I was getting desperate to take a shit.
One morning, my gf's dad was at work and her sister was at a friend's house (where she had slept at); my gf and her mom were going out and invited me. I just said I was sleepy and didn't wanna go, and so they went without me. As soon as they left, I rushed to the bathroom, but as I said, the flush wasn't that good, so I thought about using her parents bathroom, connected to their room, but was worried they would come back and I would be there, so just went to the normal bathroom.
Needless to say it was the biggest shit of my life... and even more needless to say, it would NOT flush......... I was freaking out with the embarrassment of having to say that I have clogged the toilet with my gigantic shit. Lot of thoughts on my mind on what to do. Just leaving and going home was an option, but would be impossible since I couldn't open the door to the street. So I was considering the ideia of taking it with my bare hands when I remembered they had a garden, and, therefore, they had garden tools.
I rushed outside, took a tool (don't know the name of it, but was something like a really small shovel), a plastic bag and digged the monster out of the toilet... but what to do with it now??? Throw on the bin? Put on my bag and take home with me? Give it a name and raise as my child? Since I had a garden tool on my hands, just figured I could bury it on their garden. Getting there, I realised they were planting somethings and they would DEFINETLY find it if I buried there. So, as a responsible young adult I was, I just threw it over the wall, on the street, and pretended it never happend. Not long after my gf and her mom arrived, I pretended I had just wake up and never talked about it with her (actually only told it to a friend).
TL;DR - was on a long distance relationship, held shit for weeks, clogged the toilet, threw the shit on the street over the wall
PomegranateFormal961: Jesus. People will sit on the toilet in their own stink.
Drop some, reach back and flush. Drop more, flush again. Not only can you flush an infinite amount of poop with multiple flushes, you don't stink up the house!
SexyParrotTucs: It wouldnt flush!! I tried multiples times, but it didnt even move hahah i was afraid they would come back and the shit was there yet
PomegranateFormal961: ***Flush as it's coming out!*** Your asshole cannot pass a turd bigger than the 2 1/2" diameter of the toilet passage. Flush before it accumulates into a bowling ball. (If you can pass a turd bigger than that, you need to rethink your sex life)
Basic physics. Basic courtesy to those that have to use the toilet next.
In jail, they call it a 'courtesy flush'. You don't just sit and accumulate shit and stink. They'll beat the shit out of you if you don't do that.
SexyParrotTucs: Honestly never thought of it! I promise to try it out next time I hold a shit for weeks
PomegranateFormal961: You must live alone. LOL
| 6 | 6 | |
1671639905 | 1671680193 | t3_zrt17b | t5_2to41 | 8,624 | Fancy_Cardiologist41: TIFU by throwing coffee after being harassed.
Today during the lunch break i( 17 M) was standing outside on school ground, drinking coffee from a paper cup. It's been snowing for the entire past week, so there was some decently deep snow. My classmates started a snowball fight which I didn't want to take part in because I wasn't wearing a jacket or gloves. I placed my coffee on the snow in case anything happened.
One of my classmates (18M) started to throw big lumps of snow at me from a close distance, despite me saying multiple times I don't want to fight. He also attempted to shove me into 20 cm deep snow. After I thought it was all over, I picked the rest of my already cold coffee up, however the classmate in question was preparing to throw another lump of snow at me. After he missed I instinctively threw the coffee at him. The bit that was left of it, spilled on a part of his brand new Trapstar jacket, which is worth more than the minimum wage in Poland.
He started trying to clean the droplets off, however it remained stained. We talked about the incident to our headteacher, and we agreed that I would pay for chemical cleaning of the jacket ( it's polyester). However the people working there said there is a possibility of the jacket being warped during cleaning, in which case the classmate's parents threatened to make me pay the entire price of the jacket.
My father has recently retired, and my mother works as a teacher. This would be devastatin financially, and I would have to give up getting a driver's license for a year.
Tl;dr: Threw a cup with small remains of coffee at a classmate in an expensive jacket after being harassed with snow. Threatened by parents with the possibility of paying the full price of the jacket in case the laundry company messes up.
Update:
He got it back from laundry, the stain is still there, however he will not get a single penny back from me.
jesuschin: "My classmate was continuously assaulting me and I instinctively threw what was in my hand at him. Please reprimand him"
Fancy_Cardiologist41: I will do that if he continues to be an asshole, but it wouldn't change the jacket situation
Aegon-VII: Yes, it will. I’m sorry your parents didn’t advocate for you. Go back and tell the school you’ve changed your mind and if your classmate wants to continue pursuiting damages that you would like to file assault charges.
​
seriously, you’re in no trouble at all
Fancy_Cardiologist41: I don't have the best relations with my parents, I'll do as much as I can alone, and with the help of one of my teachers that likes me. We'll see tomorrow after he gets the jacket back from cleaning
carthous: Ffs you're 17 learn your rights. He assaulted you, go to the office and say if they don't drop it you'll want to file assault charges. If the school won't do anything then go to the cops. If in the future, anything like this happens again from the same kid go file harassment and assault charges.
Multimarkboy: americans assuming everyone is american.
​
OP even commented that they are in poland.
​
> The bit that was left of it, spilled on a part of his brand new Trapstar jacket, which is worth more than the minimum wage in ***Poland***.
carthous: Ok? I guess people in Poland have no rights? Also I'm not American
Multimarkboy: rights are VERY different in country to country, what would count as a protection in one might not exist in the other.
| 9 | 958.222222 | |
1669899373 | 1669901711 | t3_z9n6g5 | t5_2to41 | 14 | owlsbowls: TIFU by eating a banana
I know the title sounds stupid but hear me out, this actually happened yesterday but it’s still kind of affecting me today.
So, yesterday I was in school, in my school Wednesdays are used as study days, basically no new assignments or projects, you can be where ever you want as long as your in the school (for example, the cafeteria, basement, etc.), your still required to show up to school and the teachers will be around the school to monitor us and help us if needed but if your just chilling on your phone the teachers won’t really care and just assume you’ve finished all your work.
I was on my phone despite the fact I had unfinished work, one of them being a pretty important essay that was due at midnight, I wasn’t worried about it though because I had finished writing 1000 words (it was supposed to be a 1500 word essay) and it was 9:00 am.
At around 9:30 I decided to start working, I wrote another 150 - 200 words (probably) and then went on break with my friends at 10:00. My school shares a parking lot with a grocery store, so during breaks students like to go there to buy a snack or something to drink.
My friends and I were in the store picking up something to drink and I spotted bananas, i immediately wanted to buy one to see what would happen, for context: I have a possible banana allergy, I haven’t gone to a doctor yet but whenever I eat banana, my throat get itchy, it gets a bit harder to breath, my nose gets runny and I cough very harshly. I told my friends that I wanted to eat a banana to see what happens and one of them immediately said I shouldn’t because I might have an allergy, the other one said do it, I think he was just joking around though.
For the next 2 hours I did my work but I couldn’t stop thinking about that banana. While I was on lunch break I decided, what the hell, might as well try, what’s the worst that could happen? Besides I had only had an allergic reaction to them once, I’m gonna eat a banana and then I’m going to go on with my day.
So I went to the store, bought a single banana and then joined my friends at lunch and ate it, my friends were disappointed but also interested in what would happen, well, an allergic reaction is what happened. Lunch ended at 13:00 and school ended at 14:00.
The next few hours were absolute hell, I was honestly convinced I was gonna die, I was able to breath but felt like I couldn’t, I was coughing so hard, my nose was runny, and I couldn’t focus on my essay.
Hours later (after dinner) I was finally feeling better and was able to focus then my cat decided she wanted attention and I spilled chocolate milk on my blanket, so I had to put the blanket in the washer and decided to give my cat a bit of attention while I worked on the essay, or at least that was the plan, my cat decided that the best place to nap was ON MY RIGHT HAND (in right handed) AND SHE DIDN’T MOVE UNTIL 22:30. So now it was 22:30, I was supposed to turn in the essay at 23:58 and I still hadn’t finished making the front page, the thing that shows what page each chapter is on and sort my source (aka write the name of the author, the date it was written and the name of the essay).
After a good cry, I turned in the assignment as soon as I was done at about 1:30 am, I also didn’t get a chance to read over it.
It’s the next day and my throat still hurts (I think that’s because of how aggressively I was coughing) and I am nervous as hell to get my grade.
TL;DR:
I ate a banana (which I’m probably allergic to) which made it impossible for me to focus on an essay that was due at midnight and ended up turning it in at 1:30 am.
BillyBobBarkerJrJr: What kind of cat do you have, that you couldn't *move it* so you could write and what kind of school has essays due at midnight?
owlsbowls: I have a skinny tuxedo cat, I could’ve moved but I felt too guilty doing so not to mention she would’ve guilt tripped me by sitting on the floor with her back turned to me and starring at me with very angry eyes, I did try to make her move by moving her head and stuff but she didn’t even open her eyes.
BillyBobBarkerJrJr: Well, guess you can't blame the cat. Not being a cat person, I can't relate.
owlsbowls: True
| 5 | 2.8 | |
1669899467 | 1669931773 | t3_z9n7la | t5_2to41 | 5 | PlebinatorLUL: Tifu by hiding my addiction
10 months ago I stoped smoking. Then few weeks after my cat of 18 years died due to his liver. I started again for a few days since I couldn't concentrate on not smoking. I told this my fiancée and her reaction wasn't bad. But I felt ashamed of failing a task which doesn't make sense. I know.
Then 2 month later my father died. His heart stoped beating. I was devastated. My family gave me pressure for deciding where he will get buried.
Because inhaftiert to choose. Also I had to deal with the law enforcement because my dad made shit in my name. I was furious and at the same time crushed. I couldn't stand it. I couldn't resist the cigarette. But also I didn't wanted to feel the shame towards my fiancée. So I start hiding it and tried a few times to stop again. Fast forward. This week she found my hiding spot of the cigarettes. After 6 month of hiding. She is understandably not amused and said her trust towards me is hurted. I just wanted to write this down, since I am ashamed of being so dumb and didn't had the muse to tell her, because of selfish reasons. She said she can't trust me if not cheating, which I would never do. I do love her from the bottom of my heart, and never want to lose her. I'm happy that she didn't called the wedding of, but I still feel like a piece of shit for it and hope we can work things out.
Thank you for reading.
Tl;Dr hiding cigarettes and broke the trust
Tacosdepescado: Gonna go with the reddit default answer and say divorce time.
PlebinatorLUL: How about no? 🫠
Tacosdepescado: She already thinks you're cheating...
PlebinatorLUL: No. She said she can’t trust in me of not „not“ cheating. Since k already lied
| 5 | 1 | |
1669900301 | 1669987221 | t3_z9niv0 | t5_2to41 | 2 | IvoryPetalss: TIFU by not having premium passes for a Mega Abomisnow raid and embarrasing myself
[removed]
Dragongaymer: 
IvoryPetalss: indeed
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1669901023 | 1669934968 | t3_z9nsci | t5_2to41 | 10,580 | MikeyBonbon1988: Tifu by accidentally groping a random stranger
.... Ok so this is going to be a bit wild but omg I swear on my life it's true
My girlfriend and I (Yue for the post) made plans to meet for lunch on her lunch break at work at our favorite local coffee shop because she had a BIG suprise for me.
Long sorry short I went about my day and near the time we were ment to meet I made my way to the coffee shop.
I walked in and saw Yue at the counter ordering
I stupidly decided to walk up and do what I normally do put my hands around her waist Lean down and give her a kiss on the cheek.
As you can all guess where this is going You're exactly right
She durned around in horror and I got the biggest slap in the face.
.... So now it's me basically on my knees begging for forgiveness trying to get the words out explaining what had happened.
Needles to say the cops were called and I was being treated as a molester.
(For some information I'm a big guy. I'm 6'3 fairly muscular and Yue is this petite 4 ft 9. Chinese girl) so you can see how really bad the situation is.
The cops took me outside and they're questioning me. They think I'm a pervert. The woman inside is crying, screaming and pointing at me.
Thank god they let me text yue who was running late work issue.
She got there and the cops got a huge laugh out of the thing. The girl I accidentally groped saw how similar they were and it all got let go.
My girlfriend wasn't mad. She thought it was funny and she's been making fun of me non-stop for the last 24 hours.
So yeah I've never doing that again.
Oh and the surprise she had for me she found a pair of shoes I had been trying to find for a while and bought them for me.
Tldr
Met my girl at a coffee shop. Thought it was her. It was not got slapped got the cops
Edit: a few people asked to see the sms exchange between Yue and I.... Yah here it is
codemise: My wife and her sister both have long black hair at about the exact same length. From behind they look near identical. Yeah... I learned to just not make assumptions anymore.
seenthewolf: My wife is an identical twin, right there with ya buddy.
lil_retro_baby: I got a friend who’s wife is an identical twin…all 3 of them live together. They have many oooops stories lol
casz146: They pretend they're oooops moments so you won't think too much of it. In reality the dude's living the porn dream.
madmonkey918: You're at 69 - I'm not upvoting you
CheeseBeesy: Yeah because the world is going to end because god forbid someone ruins “funny number hehehehhe sec sex hehehehe”
HaikuBotStalksMe: FYI - the word is "world".
Also, it doesn't matter. Once you're over like 12 votes, the points are kind of random, so you'll see it jump around each time you refresh.
CheeseBeesy: That’s what I mean, that number means nothing
MikeyBonbon1988: So I have the maturity level of a can of baked beans.... Funny number is funny
madmonkey918: Right? To me 69 is funny
Apparently I should care I'm being down voted and yet I don't lol
| 11 | 961.818182 | |
1671412431 | 1671462471 | t3_zpdw0h | t5_2to41 | 1,075 | 1ithe: Tifu by drugging myself.
Actually happened today. So if this is not coherent you know why.
You know when you blow your nose, and then you hear those air bubbles in your sinuses squeak because there’s just so much pressure and your face is just *full* of snot? Okay well that was me this morning. And most mornings, for the *last five weeks*. I have a toddler, AKA a walking biohazard terrorist, who goes to daycare, AKA Satan’s Petri dish. I have had back to back strep, RSV, and now flu. Back to BACK, and baby I’m gettin my ass *kicked*. So this morning I gave in to the sweet siren call of mucinex when she promised me any modicum of relief in this sea of yellow snots. Now, I hadn’t taken this medication before but my fiancé had taken it once recently. The box was new so when I opened it and saw two missing, I assumed two was the dose. Instead of doing what any rational person would do, you know, read the dosing instructions, I decided “Well if he took two I’m just going to go ahead and take three because my eyeballs are basically bulging at this point from the sheer amount of mucus in my body”. So I took three.
Now it’s probably worth mentioning, I am 100 lbs pretty much on the dot. I finally actually read the box and apparently the correct dosage of mucinex dm max for me is not even two tablets, it’s ONE. So I’m breathing clearly for the first time in weeks, but so are the walls.
TL;dr apparently too much mucinex DM will give you the wibble wobbles
Known-Salamander9111: What are the active ingredients and what is the dosage?
browtfareyoudoing: Dxm and guifenessin (sp). 3 pills shouldnt fuck anyone up though..
Known-Salamander9111: I need to know the milligram dosage as well. To be honest, odds are it was a normal dose lol
browtfareyoudoing: Cant be more than 90mg tops. Pretty sure its 45mg dxm at 15 mg per pill. There is a small portion of people who are hypersensitive to dxm though, namely women. So at 100 pounds, maybe this is believable. Especially if she has no background in recreational drugs. Not to mention she has been sick, so her system is somewhat compromised.
Known-Salamander9111: Aight… yeah, i guess it’s *possible*… i feel pretty confident that the walls aren’t breathing tho!
browtfareyoudoing: Am confident about that. But who knows. Ive heavily abused dxm to the point of having seizures for years. This shit doesn’t add up, but ive been known to be wrong before.
Known-Salamander9111: I’m almost exclusively wrong so i feel that
| 8 | 134.375 | |
1671817820 | 1672307669 | t3_zto6ld | t5_2to41 | 50 | [deleted]: TIFU my school trip for next year
[deleted]
AcrobaticSource3: Take the bedroom with the gay guys, you homophobe
GrindingNeverStops: Can’t blame him. Not sure why you’re so upset he has certain preferences with who wishes to share a room with.
Strict-Ad6325: can’t blame him?? this “preference” could be applied to any minority group then. unless the gay guys are dating, i don’t see why it’s a no go. not every gay guy is attracted to each other…
GrindingNeverStops: And? Apply it to any minority group. You disagreeing with his preference won’t change the existence of that preference. Whether it’s shown or hidden it’s still there and nothing will change. Some people don’t want to share a room with certain people. In this case I really can’t blame him.
Strict-Ad6325: except, you tried to normalise it. you tried saying that it’s normal and that we “can’t blame him”.
GrindingNeverStops: Yeah…? It is normal…? To normal people?
Strict-Ad6325: excuse me?? are we talking about the same thing because that’s not normal…
GrindingNeverStops: Yeah we are. Not wanting to share a room with 2 fruits. Perfectly normal to normal people
Strict-Ad6325: classify “normal” because why is this even a preference to begin with. whilst OP specified that he thinks he’d be intruding and implies that the two gay guys are a couple, your justification of the preference seems to be coming from an entirely different viewpoint. choosing not to interact with someone or share a room with them because they’re apart of a certain minority group is borderline bigotry, if not outright. secondly, are you apart of the community?? don’t know who you are to be referring to them as “fruits”.
| 10 | 5 | |
1670800899 | 1670833802 | t3_zje9om | t5_2to41 | 9,051 | hsaton: TIFU by bringing my girlfriend to a Harry Styles concert
[removed]
More_Routine3661: This has to be satirical
eyesabitdull: This is a South Park episode reference, at the least.
The one where Kenny brings his girlfriend to a Jonas Brothers concert and she loses her shit over them.
If it isn't, then I guess life does imitate art.
akajaykay: Dawg have you ever heard of Elvis or The Beatles? People losing their shit over musicians has been a thing for ages, it isn't a concept created by South Park.
eyesabitdull: ....your point being?
I never said South Park invented it, I'm saying that this post is a reference to that - at the least - which the show is *clearly* also referring to the cult of personality surrounding pop culture icons of decades past prevalent in modern society.
God, I hope you don't do this at parties.
akajaykay: The post is not a reference to South Park though… That was my whole point. And for what it’s worth In the South Park episode you’re referring to Kenny brings his girlfriend to a concert because he thinks it will make her horny enough to blow him, but then the band convinces her to wear a purity ring instead, so not really a similar scenario to begin with.
eyesabitdull: I know it isn't, I'm just making a reference point to it - *at the least* - to those who understand the pop culture reference I am referring to.
Why oh why are you making such a big deal out of this lmao
akajaykay: I think you may be confused as to the meaning of the word reference.
eyesabitdull: Sigh. Okay random Internet person.
HumanStruggle8295: Can you conjugate that in plural form, for the multiple of us that think you are an agressive morron ? ty.
PS : I'd suggest reading a book or two. Words have meaning and you can't just throw them around randomly and tell people you didn't meant to say what you literraly just fucking said.
SpaceZombiRobot: Fuck both of you.
| 11 | 822.818182 | |
1671398222 | 1671818639 | t3_zp8noi | t5_2to41 | 29 | thisisthrowawayjj: Tifu by not being able to perform
Short background, I (18M) have been going back and forth with this girl(19F) now for like a couple months, 2-3 maybe.
Today I was at her place and we were supposed to watch a movie together and just chill, we have done this at multiple occasions now, and we haven’t really or anything before. We always hang out at mine or her place, buy some snacks, chill out and just binge watch a movie series or just a TV - show.
I tried once before to get some, but she refused and said it was too early for her, and I had no problem with that since I genuinely like her.
But today, when I went over to her place expecting literally nothing, was the day she wanted to.
We went to the store bought some snacks as usual, went to her place, and sat down and watched a movie, we made out on the sofa a bit and then we just kept watching after. But 1 hour into the movie she began to climb on top of me and was getting… you know. And I was so surprised by it I didn’t know what to do, I got completely stressed out and I couldn’t perform.
She understood and tried to change the subject, but it was obvious she didn’t want me to stay longer so I just left right now. And I am on my way home.
But I feel like she gave me the cold shoulder and I don’t know what to do.
TL;DR I fucked up because I couldn’t perform resulting in her giving me a cold shoulder and I don’t know how to fix it.
discoverthemetroid: why the fuck would she be mad at you being in the mood for sex when she literally did the same thing
thisisthrowawayjj: Issue being, it wasn’t about me not being in the mood, more that I couldn’t because my “jointed friend” didn’t want to cooperate with me, which put me in an awkward situation..
hardolaf: Dude, guys need to be fully in the mood to perform as well. It's not like the woman can just be like "man, sex me now" and then the dick just works. There needs to be the right mental space, the right emotional connection, the right foreplay, etc. Anyone who doesn't understand that it's exactly the same for men and women isn't someone that you should be having sex with. Also, sometimes both people really want to have sex and it just doesn't work out for whatever reason. It could be whiskey dick, it could be anxiety, it could just be that you had a shitty day and your body doesn't want it right now, etc. Sometimes, things just don't work out when it comes to sex. What that means in a healthy relationship is that you two put sex out of mind and try again later.
Heck, I once couldn't get it up to have sex for two weeks in college because I was freaking out about a project that I was working on. These things just happen. It's not your fault. It's not her fault. It's just biology.
thisisthrowawayjj: This really helped! Thank you man!
| 5 | 5.8 | |
1671471081 | 1671525343 | t3_zpxugy | t5_2to41 | 25,139 | Independent_Type_428: TIFU By Using My Wifes Dildo
Throwaway account as my wife and friends are on here.
I (mid-30's male) fucked up today by deciding to release some energy while wanting to use my wife's dildo.
Pre-fuckup: In the last couple of months, my wife and I have been experimenting a bit more sexually via butt play. I am currently home from work as I have the next couple of weeks off for holiday. My wife had to go to work today, so I'm here alone. I have been going thru a bit of seasonal depression on top of my normal day-to-day anxiety. Which leads into...
The fuckup: Being a bit down and lonely, my brain had to bright idea to release a little bit of energy by deciding to jerk one off in the shower while also thinking "a little butt play would be nice". My wife and I have our own dildos - mine, a small 3" rounded one and hers, a 7" penis look-a-like. Having played with my dildo multiple times, I decide to get the bright idea "I wonder what her dildo would feel like". I hop in the shower, clean up my hind parts, lube up her dildo, stick it in, and go to town. Shoving it fully up there felt really nice. That was until... I finish, pull the dildo out, and there is a massive amount of shit buildup on her dildo. My brain goes "ok, no big deal, we can just clean this up". I go and get the sex toy cleaner and scrub the dildo really hard. Just to make sure it's nice and clean, I give the dildo a sniff and... HOLY HELL it reeks of shit. Ok, the toy cleaner wasn't enough, let's go get the body wash and scrub it again. Nope, it still smells like absolute shit.
Post-fuckup: I have now thrown away this dildo and am about to head to the sex shop to buy my wife a new dildo. I'm not really sure how I'm going to tell her, but I feel so embarrassed right now.
TL;DR - Home alone on holiday, I used my wife's dildo instead of mine to see how it feels, got shit all over it, and now have to buy her a new dildo.
​
\*edit: I just got home from running some errands and getting my wife a new dildo. I talked to her during her lunch break and she found the situation hilarious.
Thanks for the comments regarding what to do in the future if I go about using a bigger dildo than the small one I currently use for me - as I have never ran into this (pun intended) shitty issue before.
alicemalice12: Glass and metal dildo are very easy to sterilise
wetdreamqueen: Glass for ass. 😸 always!
xenithangell: Reminds me of a certain video…
MechaJesus69: That one is quite jarring if I remember correctly.
Ultimate_Mango: I was hoping to see this comment.
donach69: I was hoping to unsee it
bluntninja: Un...hear it :( that crunch
butt_huffer42069: I gave my partner the misfortune of watching that video for her first time about two weeks ago, and that is one of the worst parts....
I can't tell which was worse tho, the sound, or the massive amount of scar tissue you can see around the dudes butthole, leading me to believe it was not his first rodeo with this
EllaVonElla: I never noticed. That’s a bit insane. Did you see the secondary video of him shoving soap in there and the back story?
[deleted]: The soap was the lube, he said it bled for 3 days and he still has 2 pieces of glass in his ass, theres interviews with him where they ask him about it. According to the internet/interviews his name is Alex and he's Russian.
butt_huffer42069: I read the interview transcript earlier....he also said he cursed a lot in his head when the interviewer mentioned him not making any sounds.
[deleted]: Imagine that, best part is he just shoved cotton up there to keep it from bleeding and he had to be careful to not make any more damage, I dont know how this man didn't get any kind of infections.
butt_huffer42069: Yeah it was a wild ride.
| 14 | 1,795.642857 | |
1669905436 | 1669989366 | t3_z9pgft | t5_2to41 | 28 | mysticaltater: TIFU by letting my apps glitch
Well. YIFU. My LD partner and I watch shows together by pressing play at the same time and then texting. We were on the 3rd ep when it went black and then to credits and I was like huh, that went by fast! And then, of course, messenger glitches and signed me out. But whatever
I went to brush my teeth and I try signing in again and it finally works after 5 min and they tell me I missed half an episode and "ugh guess I'll watch it myself" but they're offline, I send a billion HELLOs and I'M SORRYs and how much I love watching stuff and I feel like shit and all that and it was a glitch (I have no idea why the ep did that for me and not them)
They didn't really talk to me the rest of the night and I had every form of stress response in my body (sick stomach, hot skin, shaking, twitching eyelid) and yeah! I feel really bad and I know I'm the worst girlfriend ever, genuinely. But like. Ugh, I wish my apologies were accepted
Anyway, hate you stupid website and stupid messenger for ruining my relationship
TL;DR streaming site glitched and made me think the ep was over, and messenger signed me out, so my LDR partner I was watching with thought I was being a tool and bailing early, and is still upset
SpectreC130: Sounds like you guys have more issues than just an app glitch.
mysticaltater: I know and I'm trying to improve but every time I make good progress I mess up like this and it goes 80 steps back :(
PM_ur_Rump: I think a big part of the problem is you being too hard on yourself and not seeing the faults in your partner. Not saying they are faults that can't be over overcome, but their behavior towards you in this situation is definitely the bigger issue than you missing the show/messages.
mysticaltater: Well I did something really awful the other week they might be mad about still. I'm really glad when I can pinpoint what I did, instead of being confused as to why I'm not being talked to! But this glitch thing couldn't be avoided I don't think. I still feel awful and shitty about it
PM_ur_Rump: What awful thing did you do? I mean, you feel "awful" about this utterly inconsequential event.
mysticaltater: Our anniversary was last weekend and on Tuesday I said my boss threatened me to take my use or lose pto and my partner said to take Monday off and I wouldn't bc I'd lose 2 days of holiday pay. And my boss also said no. Apparently they've taken no pay days to see me, but also they're in retail so they can get someone to cover? I'm just one admin in a small business. And boss needs 2 weeks notice for pto unless emergency or half day
That being said I know that was my fault and I def deserved the 3 day ignore/pissed off messages I got. At least the weekend wasn't awkward, but I didn't apologize well I don't think
PM_ur_Rump: This does not at all sound like a healthy relationship. You sound like my girlfriend, only I go out of my way to try to show her that these little inconveniences are just a part of life, and that it's ok, as apparently her past partners took advantage of her submissive nature.
People who love and respect their partners do not ghost them for days at a time over minor inconveniences and misunderstandings as a form of controlling them.
I know I'm only hearing one side of the story, but it's a pretty damning side. She is not good for you. Today *she* fucked up by taking advantage of your good nature and desire to please people.
mysticaltater: But if I do anything that's an inconvenience it's taken in bad faith especially when it's something important to my partner. So it is totally on me. I keep a running list on what not to say or do but I really messed up this show watching (I should have texted them on not messenger instead of going to pee) and asked a month ago if they wanted me to stay on Monday
PM_ur_Rump: Holy shit, I swear I think that sometimes the posts in the sub are made up as examples of behavior that is not ok in relationships. If I hadn't seen similar behavior irl, I wouldn't believe it.
I can't tell you what to do, but try to look at it from an outside perspective. You have a running list of minor things you can/can't do to keep your partner from outright mistreating you. You fear the consequences of your benign actions. Your "partner" outright mistreats you and abuses your need-to-please nature, and the only consequence they get for it is you begging for forgiveness.
That's not a partnership. That's not healthy.
mysticaltater: How is it mistreating when I'm just learning their boundaries? And it's not mistreating I don't think they really know how to process emotions well? I'm not saying I'm perfect but I sometimes think maybe they don't know they have issues to work on! I know I do and I try, and I ask people to tell me when I've messed up (they usually don't but I figure it out if they get mad enough)
My partner does things that piss me off and I don't tell them bc I know they'd get a bit upset, but I don't treat them differently. It would be nice if they did the same, but I never know what's deserved or me being selfish!!
Also this is the 2nd post someone thought I was making up... Oopsie
PM_ur_Rump: Because those are not "boundaries." Those are self centered, unreasonable expectations and emotionally abusive responses.
Like I said, it's after school special levels of obvious unhealthy signs, but I *do* believe it, because I have both seen it, and made some of the same mistakes myself.
mysticaltater: I genuinely don't see what's wrong when I'm always the one messing up? That's on me for not knowing what's right or wrong
PM_ur_Rump: >I...don't see what's wrong...
>when I'm always the one messing up.
That's the "what's wrong" part. You *aren't* always the one messing up. You aren't perfect, because nobody is, and neither is your partner. But you seem to be the only one in the situation that recognizes your own missteps, no matter how small, while the other seems to not recognize that they are hurting their partner with outright spiteful behaviors.
What do you think would happen if you ghosted them for a couple days?
mysticaltater: They thought I ghosted them bc they weren't talking to me and were mad so I didn't talk to them (also I was really busy at work) and! They ghosted me for even longer. I really wish they'd have a tad more self awareness, no offense. I'm sure I have glaring flaws I don't see yet but I'm trying to see them
| 15 | 1.866667 | |
1671821271 | 1671917909 | t3_ztpi28 | t5_2to41 | 1,615 | Refuelling1234: TIFU by agreeing to ‘his and hers’ waxing, I did it and then she cancelled!
I’ve been asking my GF to go fully bald down there for a while she refuses, saying it will hurt too much and she doesn’t fancy it. She does get waxed though into a strip (sorry can’t remember what all the names are) so I couldn’t imagine it could be much worse.
Anyway she agreed as a one off if I got ‘manscaped’. Couldn’t really refuse so I did it.
It hurt like hell!!!! OMFG!!!! I couldn’t believe it. It was also a woman doing it, not embarrassing at all…..
Then GF came back from her appointment, with the same style as normal! Said she decided against it at the last minute.
I meanwhile am sore, embarrassed and semi bald!
I guess I’m not going to get my way….
TL;DR I got waxed so GF would go fully bare, then she ‘changed her mind’
MajestaHazel: Good for her. Pressuring her into doing something she doesn’t want to do is super selfish and disrespectful of you. Says a lot about what kind of boyfriend you are.
senorbozz: He literally went and did the waxing for himself too
Not many guys would do that
You sound super bitter though, I hope you get past that.
MajestaHazel: My boyfriend would never ask me repeatedly to do something I wanted to do and then try to manipulate me by making it a couples thing. No bitterness here, just feel bad for this woman for having an asshole for a boyfriend.
Zeronality: > manipulate me by making it a couples thing.
Just say that you are pro women and that women can do no wrong... It was her suggestion to make it a couples thing and that was the condition of her consent.
So really the only foul play here is that she pulled back on the terms.
Bray_Jet: He was pressuring her to do something to her body that she didn’t want to do, and wouldn’t believe her when she said it hurts too much. Only asshole here is OP and he got what he deserved (actually less than he deserved, I would’ve dumped him).
Zeronality: Asking politely is not pressuring. Especially if you do not know his rhetoric used during asking.
Bray_Jet: “I’ve been asking my girlfriend”. As in, he asked more than once. One no should have been enough for him, and yet not even her pain was (because how much could it hurt, of course he knows better what hurts her and what doesn’t)
Zeronality: He was just ignorant as to how it could hurt so much more because she regularly does a thing that correlates to it.
Anyway the point is she gave him a condition for consent.
Bray_Jet: No, she gave him what he deserved for disregarding not only her no, but her pain. Grow up.
Zeronality: What a very partisan and mature answer disregarding my entire point.
Who needs to grow up?
Bray_Jet: When a woman tells you no, and you pressure her into saying yes even after she tells you that it hurts too much… I don’t know dude, who does need to grow up?
Zeronality: Like I said: Where was the pressure? Asking, even multiple times, not threatening, perhaps over a very long interval.
Of course that was very unhandily of him, but you make a rock out of pebble. She consented under a condition so how is she guilt free in this case?
Bray_Jet: She didn’t consent, she made sure he wouldn’t be able to disregard her pain anymore since he refused to believe her word (which is already so f up).
Also, wearing someone down over a long period of time until they “consent” out of sheer exhaustion, if it had been the case here, is not actually getting consent at all.
Zeronality: I am sorry, how is a conditional statement: If you do x, then I do y. Not giving consent at all?
And also that is how politics works. The senate discusses policies and people disagree until a middle ground is found. That doesn't mean the senate didn't consent to pass this law.
Bray_Jet: Honestly, try showing this convo to a group of women. At this point I think it’s the only way for you to maybe understand how creepy and weird you’re being.
Zeronality: I almost only have female friends. Ones that aren't as thin-skinned tho.
I gotta bounce to a Christmas dinner tho, may you find it in your heart to be not partisan.
Merry Christmas ^^
Bray_Jet: I’m Jewish. And good! Just show them, then.
| 18 | 89.722222 | |
1671822942 | 1671823268 | t3_ztq58b | t5_2to41 | 7 | Any_Elephant_655: TIFU
Pineapples were on sale yesterday and although I have never peeled one, or whatever its called, I bought one. I asked my husband to help me with it. Knowing the significance of what a pineapple in a shopping cart is, my husband asked me to record him peeling it. He grabbed a cutting board and a knife, turned the pineapple upside down, looked at the camera and yelled “This is how you peel a pineapple…you turn it upside down, you find some friends and you ufck them all”…I meant to send the video to friends of ours in a group chat but was laughing so hard I accidentally sent it our neighbors…our neighbors are Mormons, who have no idea that aside from being a nurse, I have a very successful OF page. When I realized what I did (because I thought it was weird that our friends didn’t respond to the video), I grabbed my phone, which is when I realized what I had done…the wife responded with an emoji laughing face and the words “fruit ninja”. She clearly has no idea of the meaning of an upside down pineapple in a shopping cart…sooooo I sent another text to that couple, apologizing for the huge mistake fumbling through my words, which I’m sure made it worse and they haven’t answered yet…it’s been a few days…TL;DR
luhbreton: 
luhbreton: I had to google the pineapple in the shopping cart thing was, but yeah. I guess TYFU
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1671538992 | 1671613186 | t3_zqn1sv | t5_2to41 | 828 | H4rkio: TIFU by browsing old family photos
I'm the only child and we used to travel a lot with my parents. I keep safe the photos of our trips in my external drive so we can see them as years pass. We're talking about photos at least from 2000 ( I'm 25 ) through this year. The folder consists of subfolders named after the destinations.
There are also some folders that contain back-up images/videos from previous mobile phones. Nothing special, ordinary family photos of me and my parents, landscapes and stuff like that.
As I was going through some photos today I saw a subfolder of a backup folder from my dad's mobile phone back in 2009.
Weird me opened the folder. Everything looked normal, photos of us and my mom and from our previous house because we moved out two years ago. I've seen these pictures a lot of times.
But I saw a video I've never seen before and was curious.
This was one of the worst mistakes I've made. I decided to play the video. It starts with my old parent's bedrooms back in 2009 and I was like "Oh No". Duration was about 25 minutes. I went to minute 10 and saw a frame of my mom giving head to my dad.
That's when everything went downhill. I completely lost my shit, I felt nauseous and Alt+F4ed the fuck away while shouting fuck fuck fuck. Why did I do this thing to me?
I deleted this video and I decided to be careful next time I'm about to see old photos.
TL;DR: Was looking some old photos and found video of mom giving head to dad.
sexy_portuguese: Your mom was giving head for 10 minutes? Respect!
aquariumjinni: Imagine what happened in the minute 25.
Suitable-Pirate-4164: He was born!
aquariumjinni: He was born as a 3 year old? Respect!
Suitable-Pirate-4164: Nobody said math made sense. :D
| 6 | 138 | |
1671824543 | 1671993535 | t3_ztqr82 | t5_2to41 | 13 | chickenman7: TIFU by sexting my brother
So last night I was texting my brother and my wife in separate conversations at the same time. Both of their contacts start with the same letter. My wife texted me "want to make some popcorn and watch something together?" while my brother asked me if I had filled out something online. I answered yes to both, then went back to playing Mario Kart 8 (finally got gold/3* on all of the new levels). I looked at my phone and saw that my last answer was "yes" which I presumably would've said to either of them. Assuming it was my wife, I suggested that I could do something fun with the popcorn bag and we could be... intimate... while watching... whatever we were going to watch.
I got back a screengrab from a Lonely Island song and chuckled, but then realized it was my brother. He thought I was just making a weird joke but I said "sorry wrong text" to which I'm sure he began to wretch and heave and asked for us to pretend like it never happened. Sorry bro. I then told my wife who did not think either part of the story was funny, as she just wanted to cuddle.
tl;dr - I suggested some adult activities to my brother while thinking I was texting my wife.
MajestaHazel: What an immature interaction. Are you sure you’re old enough to be married?
marouan10: How is life in prudeville?
MajestaHazel: 🤣🤣🤣
| 4 | 3.25 | |
1669908035 | 1669934573 | t3_z9qida | t5_2to41 | 1,360 | R8er-Fan: TIFU by buying my wife an advent calendar
A few years ago, I got my wife a log home replica advent calendar. Each side has 12 doors you open up and it spins around. If anyone cares to see it, type "wooden log home advent calendar" in google images and it's the one with the 4 yellow doors on each side, cute right? Cool. Anyway, trying to find stuff to fit in the doors is frustratingly hard. It's only a 1.75"w X 1"h opening. It's either really cheap/junky toys or candy. I've done notes in the past too but it's hard to do 24 and not get repetitive or feel like you're copping out.
Where IFU is by not filling it for Dec 1, today. I just honestly forgot. I didn't even realize the date, though I also didn't get anything for it yet either so that's on me. I own my own business fixing and servicing car washes and winter is coming so I am BUSY! Like 12–16-hour days every day busy. I'm a one man show so all the billing, expenses, paperwork, scheduling falls on me too after my 12–16-hour day in the field. On top of that, we adopted a new adult cat that is having a very hard time adjusting so my remaining time goes to making sure he's comfortable and fed while trying to make some type of a bond with him.
We got up this morning and she hopped out of bed all excited about something. She came back in the room with a disappointed look. She checked her cabin to find it empty. It clicked to me too late, so I said, "it's just not filled yet". She got in the shower, and I started to get ready. I could tell she was bummed, I should have just written a quick note and put it in for that day and I didn't. Ugh. We parted ways for work and about 45 minutes later I got a text.
"Don't bother with the advent calendar, its dumb. Since you didn't even bother to fill it when I was in the shower, I know you didn't get anything and it's dumb to run out after the fact and do it. That's not what it's about. I was happy with the 1.99 paper chocolate ones my mom always got me then you went out and bought me this elaborate thing, so I thought it was fun for you too".
For more context, her mom passed a few years ago so the advent thing is special to her, and this text was like a kill shot to me. I've messaged her. She usually chats throughout the day about her day/appointments/etc. and that is the only message I've got.
TL;DR: Got my wife a log cabin advent calendar a few years ago, didn't fill it for today, Dec 1 and she's very bummed about it. Even had a 2nd shot to fill it while she was in the shower and I f'd that up. It's a super special thing that reminds her of her mom who passed. Being "ghosted" now.
[deleted]: I'm a wife, and I think she's being a little unreasonably upset. You're human too
skinnyjeansfatpants: We don't know the rest of the context of their relationship. I hate gate keeping what other people are and aren't allowed to get upset about.
coupl4nd: She's allowed to get upset. He's allowed to find someone who isn't a downer to be around.
thefuturesbeensold: Imagine thinking its reasonable to end your marriage because your wife got upset over something one day.
Not everyone is happy, all of the time. That is an extremely unhealthy expectation to have in a relationship.
WoodenPicklePoo: Imagine being ghosted by your wife for such a minor thing
It’s reasonable to conclude from this story alone that’s she’s at least a minor bitch and at least partially responsible for a terrible relationship. I feel bad for this dude
thefuturesbeensold: What you've just said is literally insane.
Have you ever been in an actual relationship?
People have emotions and flaws.
WoodenPicklePoo: ghosting your husband is beyond a "flaw." It's immature and ridiculous.
thefuturesbeensold: OP states that she sent him a message and then didnt send her usual 'checking in' messages throughout the day after that. I dont think that really counts as ghosting. You sound very judgemental for such a small amount of information given, and one sided context.
I wonder if your feelings would be the same if the roles in OPs account were reversed and it was him upset with his wife for forgetting to do something that was meaningfull to him? And choosing to *cool off* and not respond to her for a few hours...
WoodenPicklePoo: >I've messaged her. She usually chats throughout the day about her day/appointments/etc. and that is the only message I've got.
and:
>Being "ghosted" now.
OP said his wife is ghosting him. I didn't just interpret that, those are OPs words.
And to your point, I would absolutely feel the same way. If I ghosted my wife, I'd be a bitch.
And one-sided context? Are you expecting people to wait until dude's wife comes on Reddit to comment before passing judgement? If so, 90% of Reddit is pointless.
thefuturesbeensold: Thats fair, i missed OP saying that as it was in the TLDR which i didn't read as i read the main post. Personally i wouldn't regard it as ghosting but i suppose thats subjective and it might have slightly different connotations in different countries.
I just dont really agree with passing such aggressive judgement on OPs wife, this is TIFU, not AITA.
| 11 | 123.636364 | |
1671163026 | 1671193068 | t3_zn5en4 | t5_2to41 | 1,067 | thesheldor96: TIFU by drinking old coffee
I bought a starbucks coffee late last night coming home from work and didn't end up finishing it. I left it on my desk and just forgot about it.
I came home from work today, sat down at my desk and saw the coffee. I honesty didnt think much about it and just took a sip.
I'm drinking day old cold coffee but that's not even the fuck up. I feel something solid in the coffee. Instinctively, I run it against my teeth with my tongue out of curiousity to feel what it was. It was small but felt almost stringy. I had no idea what it could be so I spat it out in confusion.
It was a giant spider. Dead and curled up right there.
I'm still gagging when I think about it. I hate spiders and the thought of having one in my mouth honestly makes me sick.
TLDR. Drank day old, got a giant spider in my mouth
Squirtinturds: Did that once but with a live bee. I’ve never spit something out so quickly. I did not get stung thank god.
shadowyassassiny: yes happened to me with a soda can! in the space between uncovering it to take a sip (getting distracted by family) and drinking, a bee managed to fly right in. thankfully (?) i got it before it died and it flew away
Squirtinturds: Yup! I was out on my patio over the summer having a mikes hard I think after work, went inside quick to grab something, came back out, took a sip, and pfffbbbtttttt the bee and my drink all over the patio. I never left an unattended anything outside without covering it ever again!
matt30186: Well said squirtinturds
| 5 | 213.4 | |
1671825612 | 1672012385 | t3_ztr5ck | t5_2to41 | 14,338 | AnywayThrewaway23: TIFU by subscribing to my roommate’s adult content site
Me (24M) and my roommate (23M) are best friends and have lived together the past few years. As a broke college grad, he made an adult content account (you can guess the site) about a year ago. He asked my opinion beforehand, and I thought it was a little weird. But figured, whatever, because it didn’t really impact me. Admittedly, I’ve been curious about his content for the last few months, simply because I’ve been shocked by the amount of money he’s made. Well, I caved and decided to temporarily sub just to see, and was absolutely shocked to see multiple videos characterized as his “roommate’s bedroom.” Surely enough, there he is masturbating in my room on my bed. As far as I can tell, he is not completely naked in my bed, and I assume he is otherwise mindful of keeping it clean. But just the fact that he’s been doing that in my room really grosses me out. There’s also videos of him performing sexual acts in our living room, which is bad enough. But my bed/room really crosses the line. I want to confront him, but I feel incredibly weird telling him that I subscribed. But obviously I also don’t want to let this keep going on. Honestly, really wish I just never subscribed and could continue to live in ignorance.
TLDR: Let curiosity get the best of me, and unintentionally discovered that my roommate has been filming sex acts in my bedroom.
ETA: The apt came with traditional bedroom doors that only lock from the inside. I never thought to have an outside lock considering he isn’t a random dude. We lived together for most of college, and I never had an issue.
ETA2: I talked to 2 of our friends about it, who agreed I can tell my roommate that the 3 us were drunk and subscribed together as a joke. At least that way it relieves some of the awkwardness. I know my roommate won’t really care in theory, but the whole thing still felt weird confessing individually.
ETA3: I assume all these comments about cum in my sheets and splitting the money are jokes. But just to be clear, I have no reason to believe he’s finishing IN my sheets. He’s doing this for money, not for some weird kink. Secondly, idc about the money and these videos make up a seemingly insignificant portion of his account.
mheinken: Create your own and wank in his room and see how long it takes the users to figure it out and tell him.
Richard7666: Eventually it escalates into a game of one-upmanship: kitchen, bathroom, wardrobes, the fridge. Until the only remaining places in the house to ejaculate are...inside one another.
ellenripleyisanicon: Bahahahaha yes. This is the only way it can end.
_Driftwood_: they'll end up married for 50 years before one calls chicken
more_walls: I was wrestling and biting my friend in the sauna, am I gay?
Lovat69: I remember that post.
ellenripleyisanicon: This was a real post? Pls tell me you have a link 👀
leonathotsky420: I, too, would love a link to this
more_walls: [https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/w5g7x1/tifu\_i\_accidentally\_licked\_the\_sweat\_off\_my\_best/](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/w5g7x1/tifu_i_accidentally_licked_the_sweat_off_my_best/)
Had much trouble locating this. Turns out safe search was switched on.
leonathotsky420: 'preciate you 😘
| 11 | 1,303.454545 | |
1671831250 | 1671848004 | t3_ztt9dq | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: TIFU for forging my best friend signature
[removed]
IfThisIsTakenIma: You literally put your kid’s tantrum before another parent. You didn’t care about the other kid, you cared about your kid getting to hang out with her friend. You forged a signature dude, who would trust you with their child, when you committed fraud so your kid wouldn’t cry.
FLTDI: I see nothing about OP's kid having a tantrum.
IfThisIsTakenIma: There’s a whole paragraph about her wanting her kid to be able to hang out with her friends.
| 4 | 1.75 | |
1669911861 | 1669932889 | t3_z9s429 | t5_2to41 | 118 | pikkupeekele: TIFU by thinking that my cat ate my ring.
I got engaged with my long time partner at September and obviously we got engagement rings. I have a cat called Hektor and a dog called Ronja. My cat Hektor is less than 2 years old and he likes to go around finding stuff and carrying it everywhere, meaning that very often stuff is missing. He always tries to eat the stuff he finds. My dog Ronja is 9 years old and has a bad habit of sometimes eating cat poop.
I **always** take my rings off before bed and I leave them on my desk (I'm afraid of them going missing in my sleep if I keep them on because I am a restless sleeper). And **every** morning I put them back on.
**But** today I didn't put my rings on at morning and later when I came home I went on to our bedroom to find out that one of them was missing. Instantly I start looking after it thinking that I had misplaced it, then the thought of my cat playing with it came to me. I go into a fullblown panic mode, turning the whole apartment around and when I couldn't find it I thought that Hektor ate it. So I go find him and start checking him up, opening his mouth thinking it could be stuck in there and then palpating his stomach. Still nothing. Then I go to check his litterbox, maybe he had a bowel movement... Right? There's no poop which is weird because there was some in the morning. So I think my dog Ronja must've eaten the poop. I'm ugly crying thinking that now my dog ate it and that now I have to check her stool every time she goes out. At the same time worried that maybe the ring is stuck inside one of them. I pout and snap at my fiancé for not being helpful enough in my opinion. After my tantrum I went back to my desk, about to go online searching the emergency vets number, lift my mouse to connect the cable into it and there it is. The only place I didn't check because how in the hell it could have gotten in there?
And I remember: When I was about to go to bed and I took my rings off, one of them bounced and rolled on my table, then I unplugged the mouse (The leds annoy me) and I accidentally landed it on top of the ring. I am an idiot and I guess everyone's getting lots of treats today for tolerating me.
Sorry for bad english or story telling, I am Finnish but I thought I'd share anyways.
**TL;DR** Engagement ring was lost so I caused a fight with my fiancé, caused a huge mess at home, stressed my pets out and was about to spend hundreds to go to the emergency vet. Because I thought my cat ate it.
DadsRGR8: Tip: find something to actually put your rings into - a ring box, covered jewelry dish, etc. - but something large enough to not get lost or misplaced. My wife used to take her rings off at bedtime also, and she would lay them on the table next to our bed. We also had a small trash bin under the table, and I repeatedly warned her that one day the rings would end up in the garbage. I even put a tray on the table for her, but some nights the rings didn’t make it into the tray.
Long story short, she must have reached for a tissue of something during the night and knocked her engagement ring in the trash and didn’t realize it. It was the weekend, she didn’t look for her rings until Monday. And the trash was already emptied and taken away. We tore the bedroom apart with no luck, and she was very unhappy. Glad you found your ring and your story had a happy ending.
pikkupeekele: I am so sorry that she ended up actually losing the ring. I'll definitely consider something that I am able to close, my solution before was landing them onto my monitors leg because it has an inset. Not very secure since they slide off very easily too.... And the cat is one reason why my solution needs a lid..
DadsRGR8: Yeah, I thought the lid was a good idea with pets. I bought my wife a new engagement ring, and this time she helped pick it out so there was a bit of consolation.
pikkupeekele: I am glad that it worked out for both of you! 
| 5 | 23.6 | |
1671834384 | 1671843509 | t3_ztugts | t5_2to41 | 20 | Chance_Painting_7761: TIFU by having my brother involuntarily institutionalized
Backstory: My brother is an Air Force veteran with PTSD and back pain. After his contract with the Air Force was up he attended an Ivy League university and became captain of their debate team. His debating skills are unmatched and part of how he wins is by humiliating his opponent. My brother is also highly conservative and a huge Trump supporter.
Recently we had a huge family gathering, and eventually, politics came up. I am the polar opposite of my brother, I'm politically Liberal in my stances. My brother tore into my arguments. He humiliated me, picked apart my argument piece by piece, and made me feel, stupid, greedy, selfish, and arrogant for believing what I believe in. Humiliating me in front of my family still has me angry. Even though he can destroy someone in a debate we still love each other. Two weeks after this family gathering my brother had a business trip to my city. I asked him if he wanted to meet up and get dinner. He said he would think about it and in the meantime, he would give me the address of his hotel.
At 4:15 PM he texts me saying he's available for dinner at seven. I say yes and we agree to meet at his hotel for dinner. A little while after we sit down his back starts acting up, he forgot his pain medication so he went back to his room to retrieve it. Twenty minutes later I was getting concerned so I went to his room. When I entered he was sitting down waiting for the pain medication to work, I then asked him if he was okay and needed help walking back to our table. He said yes, so I helped him. I made a joke about us looking like a gay couple, his response was to say "shut up, I hate homosexuals." Here's the thing I'm a closeted homosexual, and I have a secret boyfriend. This is when the rage started to build.
Throughout the rest of dinner, we were having a "good time." Secretly I was pissed off. When I got home I was furious. I called the hotel he was staying at and asked for security. I told them my brother was staying there, he has back pain and PTSD, and I am concerned about him. Hotel security calls the police, and when the police arrive, he's placed in handcuffs and taken to an involuntarily psychological evaluation. His wife called me if I knew where he was since he wasn't answering his phone. How badly did I fuck up?
TL;DR
twohedwlf: I don't see how it went from "He has back pain and PTSD" to handcuffed and institutionalized. That sounds like that would have qualified for a welfare check. Knock on his door, "Hey dude, you ok?" Not cops.
RudeSprinkles1240: Exactly. That's why this is a lie. That and "I am a closeted homosexual and have a secret boyfriend." Not that some gay people aren't in the closet, just that nobody actually talks like that.
| 3 | 6.666667 | |
1671125059 | 1671203069 | t3_zmqozd | t5_2to41 | 12,404 | MyBoyfriendLikesIt: TIFU by going to the chiropractor
This was 2 days ago when I realized I might just be getting scammed. I've been going to a chiropractor for years. Different ones since I move a lot. Probably every year or every year and a half (f28) I have a lower back/hip problem that keeps coming up every once in a while. Been having issues since college. Well... This time about 5 months ago the pain has been consistent. I started going to acupuncture which was extremely helpful with the pain but I knew ultimately there was a much worse problem. So I followed up with the chiropractor. I've been going for a few months now. But a few weeks back I decided to see a new doctor because the pain persisted. They gave me an MRI and saw that there was bulging disc (which the chiropractor didn't see because she only did a regular x-ray). Anyways ... The new doc suggested I start Physical therapy. I figured it would be good for me. HOWEVER I don't know why I thought seeing the chiropractor simultaneously would be beneficial. I thought it would..... logically it still makes sense. Both doctors would be helping me get aligned. One with physical manipulation and the other with exercises.
Here's where it gets interesting....
I've been going to the chiropractor once a week. PT has been 3 times a week. Every time I got aligned more at PT the next week I'd be out of whack. I didn't associate this with the chiropractor though because I've heard many times before that sometimes the body just has a hard time "holding". So I was like cool! I went to Physical therapy last Thursday and Friday and for once my body was in perfect alignment they said. On Monday I went back to physical therapy and my body moved slightly, but not much. We did exercises that fixed the issue and I was all set. On Tuesday I go to the chiropractor..... She cracks me. BIG CRACK. And says "yup! That's a good one" mind you..... This leaves me pretty sore but she looks afterwards at my feet alignment and says I'm good.
Wednesday comes and I'm back at PT. They too look at feet alignment to make sure you're aligned. My physical therapist is immediately confused and says.... "OMG you're really off... Idk how that happened. You were perfectly ok on Monday and you're whole hip is rotated" she essentially asks me what I did. I'm too embarrassed to tell her that the only thing that changed was the damn chiropractor. So I said I am not sure.
Anyways....I noticed I do feel better after PT each time. So I'm not going back to the chiropractor. I'm pretty much getting the sense that either she is a fraud or they all are. I'm extremely disappointed in all the money I have spent going to her.
TLDR - I've been going to the Chiropractor for months for a lower back/hip issue. I went to another doctor to get looked at further and they suggested Physical therapy. I started PT and still went to the chiropractor thinking it would be helpful in using both in my healing process. Turns out, the chiropractor actually has been making me worse. I was on an amazing streak at Physical therapy with my body until I went to the chiropractor in between visits and now my hip rotated again.
UninfluentialWear: This is so common. PT is the way to go! Chiropractors are not doctors and orthopedic doctors will recommend PT not chiropractors.
MyBoyfriendLikesIt: I've heard this a lot. But it never made sense to me since they're included in medical plans and also go to med school
[deleted]: They don't go to medical school, they go to special chiropractic schools which absolutely are not equivalent. They're included in medical plans because consumers want them included, and because of their political lobbying, not because they actually help.
Not_ToBe_Rude_But: But they do help.
[deleted]: If they do end up helping, it's by accident. A physical therapist is much better at everything a chiropractor inexpertly does, is scientifically trained to manage physical recovery, and can actually progress a patient through a treatment plan.
Chiropractors are just scam artists who crack backs and insist that will fix everything
Not_ToBe_Rude_But: That hasn't been my experience at all.
[deleted]: Okay, but it's the truth. You should try seeing a physical therapist. Instead of temporary relief you could get from a good massage, they can actually help fix what's going on with you
Not_ToBe_Rude_But: Okay but it's the truth according to you. I've been to physical therapists, and I appreciate the work they do. I've had medical professionals refer me to chiropractors before, so no offense but I'll trust the opinion of my doctor before a random dude on the internet.
[deleted]: Probably should find a new doctor who pays closer attention to the science. I don't know what you want me to say.
Not_ToBe_Rude_But: I don't want you to say anything in particular hahaha. But yeah I'm sure you pay way closer attention to the science than my doctor.... It's really not hard to find scientific evidence that backs up certain chiropractic techniques. So I guess it turns out you don't follow the science as closely as you think you do?
ThatITguy2015: The chances are you have an absolute quack of a doctor. Do they also write out scripts for pain meds like candy if you ask?
Not_ToBe_Rude_But: Lol chances are you’ve done zero actual research aboit this and are just repeating what you’ve heard
ThatITguy2015: Really? It takes all of a few seconds on Google to find plenty of credible sources to back me up, and many others that say studies are inconclusive to say if it actually helps or not. At best, it is a placebo. At worst, it has directly killed people. I’ll stick with a trained medical professional who can tell me exactly why something hurts.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/national/health-science/how-safe-are-the-vigorous-neck-manipulations-done-by-chiropractors/2014/01/06/26870726-5cf7-11e3-bc56-c6ca94801fac_story.html
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1447290/
Not_ToBe_Rude_But: yeah really. It takes the same Mount of time to find credible sources that support what i’m saying. When i get back in front of a computer i’ll post some
But no offense but if you think a medical doctor can always tell you exactly why something hurts you’re out of your mind. AndI guess you think medical procesures don’t ever end in accidental death?? come on man at least make a good point
[deleted]: >But no offense but if you think a medical doctor can always tell you exactly why something hurts you’re out of your mind.
That's why they refer you to specialists, like orthopedic specialists or physical therapists. Chiropractors are specialists in baloney.
Not_ToBe_Rude_But: Here's a few, literally took me a few seconds, like I said. Even put some relevant quotes in there for you just to make it super easy for you
​
Effect of Usual Medical Care Plus Chiropractic Care vs Usual Medical Care Alone on Pain and Disability Among US Service Members With Low Back Pain
[https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6324527/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6324527/)
“Adjusted mean differences in scores at week 6 were statistically significant in favor of usual medical care plus chiropractic care compared with usual medical care alone overall for low back pain intensity”
​
Clinical Effectiveness and Efficacy of Chiropractic Spinal Manipulation for Spine Pain
[https://doi.org/10.3389/fpain.2021.765921](https://doi.org/10.3389/fpain.2021.765921)
“In summary, SMT may be as effective as other recommended therapies for the management of non-specific and chronic primary spine pain, including standard medical care or physical therapy. Currently, SMT is recommended in combination with exercise for neck pain as part of a larger multimodal approach. It may also be recommended as a frontline intervention for low back pain. Despite some remaining discrepancies, current clinical practice guidelines almost universally recommend the use of SMT for spine pain.”
​
Chiropractic: Is it Efficient in Treatment of Diseases? Review of Systematic Reviews
[https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4591574/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4591574/)
“The results showed the influence of chiropractic on improvement of neck pain, shoulder and neck trigger points, and sport injuries. “
​
Efficacy of Chiropractic Care for Back Pain: A Clinical Summary
[https://www.practicalpainmanagement.com/treatments/manipulation/efficacy-chiropractic-care-back-pain-clinical-summary](https://www.practicalpainmanagement.com/treatments/manipulation/efficacy-chiropractic-care-back-pain-clinical-summary)
“many government and private organizations, including the FDA, the Joint Commission, and the American College of Physicians are now recommending the use of non-drug, non-surgical therapies for chronic pain, including low back pain. Chiropractic care and/or spinal manipulation delivered by doctors of chiropractic (DCs) is one of these recommendations.”
[deleted]: https://sciencebasedmedicine.org/science-and-chiropractic/
While it is true that in some cases of lower back pain, manipulation of the spine can be a way to relieve that pain, there are other effective interventions, and it's best to see an actual trained specialist like a physical therapist or an orthopedic specialist rather than a quack who thinks cracking backs is magic.
They may miss something important, they may make it worse, they may even cause severe health issues. Real, trained medical personnel are always better than quacks.
Everything a chiropractor can do, a physical therapist can do better, and a physical therapist has actual knowledge and treatment methods in their toolkit.
Not_ToBe_Rude_But: ok but this is just an article written by a doctor, still harping on the person who started chiropractic treatment who was wrong about what he thought was happening inside the body when he was doing the treatments. My examples were actual studies published in actual journals. No one, even (good) chiropractors would ever recommend to not also seek treatment with a traditional doctor as well. But the research continues to point to the fact that certain treatments work for certain conditions, and not only does it work as well as PT in some cases, but also that doctor+chiropractor is better than doctor alone for certain issues.
Yes there are definitely flaws with the way that it is regulated, and it’s an interesting point about the field not officially discarding certain treatments when newer ones are proven more effective, but overall it’s hard to deny its efficacy
[deleted]: You're not equipped to analyze the state of the science, and the article I gave you talked about the occasional instances where the inventions chiropractic quacks engage in can have positive benefits, and why it's always good to get those interventions from trained professionals.
You're a layman, not a medical researcher. Picking a few positive cherries doesn't change the state of the science. I can find studies, for example, which are positive on hydroxychloroquine treating COVID, but it still doesn't.
Not_ToBe_Rude_But: holy fuck dude See this is why when people say “do you have any studies to show blah blah blah” because when you provide them, they say shit like this…. But yes I’m sure you are of course far, far better equipped to analyze the state of science hahaha Maybe just admit that it’s not so black and white as “chiro=bad” when there is legitimate research that supports it, and there are medical professionals and government organizations which are recommending the use of chiropractic in conjunction with traditional treatment. But yeah sampjennings knows better than all of these other scientists and doctors! clown
[deleted]: I'm sorry that linking to a subject matter expert talk about the science offends you.
Go argue with the doctors in the comments of just this post and all their reasons for opposing chiropractic. You've made up your mind. I hope you don't die of a stroke or become paralyzed by using quack medicine. Genuinely. But I have led you to water. I cannot make you drink.
Not_ToBe_Rude_But: hahaha ok keep denying things that are given to you in plain english. And yes, I’m going to continue to trust and respect the opinions of doctors that I personally know rather than people claiming to be doctors on reddit.com
So I guess if we’re gonna do it that way, I hope you aren’t ever part of the .13% of people who die from elective back surgery, which there is actually a greater chance of than dying from a stroke from spinal manipulation.
Also, “In 2007, in a systematic review on the adverse effects of spinal manipulation, Ernst concluded that spinal manipulation can cause vertebral artery dissection,9 but in 2012 a replication of that review found numerous errors and omissions that threatened its validity.10 A review of the safety of chiropractic interventions published in 2009 found no robust data on the incidence of adverse reactions after chiropractic care. Estimates of the risk of serious adverse events such as stroke ranged from 0.05 to 1.46 per 10,000,000 manipulations.11 A systematic review published in 2010 was also unable to draw any conclusions regarding the risk of adverse events associated with manipulation of the cervical spine for care of neck pain in adults.12 Similarly, a review published in 2012 found the evidence inadequate to either confirm or refute a significant association between manipulation of the cervical spine and stroke.”
But I know you have as you said “already made up tour mind”
[deleted]: Go talk to the experts commenting on this post. I'm sure you can educate them, arrogant fool.
Not_ToBe_Rude_But: hahahahaha oh my god you’re hilarious. Why would I value the opinions of anonymous internet people who may or may not be experts when I have access to real life experts who I know? Why would I base my opinion on anonymous reddit comments when I can base it on real science? But yeah I guess if you see that as arrogant…. Unreal
jakezze01: hahahahaha you're a really arrogant fool.
Not_ToBe_Rude_But: lol yeah i mean obviously! what kind of person seriously uses the word fool though hahaha
| 27 | 459.407407 | |
1671836139 | 1671899079 | t3_ztv3oy | t5_2to41 | 22 | Bray_Jet: TIFU by using an old shaving razor
So weekend and holidays coming up, I decided to go visit my partner for a last night of fun before we each go visit our families for the season.
Being the living incarnation of wisdom, I left everything for the last minute and had to shave in five minutes. Couldn’t find the brand new razor I’d gotten and used the old one that had already been used half a dozen times instead of the one or two they’re supposed to last for.
Well, I removed a chunk of my labia. Blood everywhere. My mum had to check it out because I couldn’t see it well enough to know if it needed stitches (thankfully not). Now I might not even be able to have that last tryst before the holidays.
TL;DR : was in a rush to see my partner, used an old razor to shave and almost circumcised myself, mum had to take a look to check I didn’t need a doctor.
Gmlegend: Oh no I'm sorry what happened to you
Bray_Jet: Thank you!
Gmlegend: Are you feeling better?
Bray_Jet: Yep, no pain or blood anymore ☺️
Gmlegend: That's great news
| 6 | 3.666667 | |
1669914997 | 1669921847 | t3_z9tf05 | t5_2to41 | 2 | [deleted]: Tifu by saying I'm sorry to a colleague because she's been fired...and she did not acknowledge any of it
[deleted]
cementishard: Why would A be mad? They will realize you were reaching out to genuinely see how they were.
Emeryl1391: Yeah but I shouldn't have approached it before an official communication had been made. That just shows her that folks gossip at work and that I'm right there with them, as much as I wish I wasn't. I know I meant it well, I am concerned for her as she's been in the company forever and it can't be easy. But this wasn't the way to go about it, I should have been more than certain that she had gotten the news too. I believed she had, but after how she reacted I'm really not sure anymore.
Thank you for understanding, I just feel like a complete social failure right now.
cementishard: Also why would your boss tell you if it wasn't official?
| 4 | 0.5 | |
1671840318 | 1671895605 | t3_ztwlr7 | t5_2to41 | 62 | Peachfuzz124: TIFU by sending explicit photos on Snapchat
I’m underage and let my horomones get to the best of me. I’m 16 and I downloaded snap and added everyone and I talked to this “girl” and I sent a explicit photo to her and then she screenshotted it and called me. It was a guy.
He said that he scd it and that if I didn’t send him $100 he’d send it to everyone I follow on insta. He had my snap and insta. He had screenshot of sending them to people I know.
I tried my best to tick him off hoping he’ll give up and won’t do anything. I never gave him a cent.
My best friend said he never got them. I’ve recently deleted both my insta and my snap and taking a break from social media for a while.
If this got out my life would be ruined.
I’ve reported him to my local non emergency and Snapchat customer service. It’s been an hour and no one’s gotten any photos.
TL;DR: I (a minor) sent nudes and got scammed to spend $100 or he’d send it to my friends
someonesdaddy269: Had someone tell me something similar - except it was his son and they wanted $500 - I basically said the following to him and after he said, you know, you're right and if he was confident enough to send it, then he needs to just keep that confidence, and move on, we all do stupid things when we're young.
Considering that he he would be distributing child p*rn and blackmailing someone - he has much more to lose. If the photos got out, say I did something stupid and I hope you remove that before the FBI tracks it to your phone and you get charged with possession. Then move on - an explicit photo might make things uncomfortable, but it's not the end of the world.
Too many teens have taken their own lives because of this - most people understand we all make mistakes and we move on.
I wish you the best in resolving it. It sounds like he was bluffing - but please, remember it's not the end of the world - plus, you could also always claim its Photoshop lol
Peachfuzz124: I know but it would demolish my entire ego and would probably crumble friendships and get me fired
someonesdaddy269: I get that fear, but I would hope your friends would be true friends and understand. Think if it was reversed and it was one of them - would you stop being their friend and make your friendship crumble because of a stupid photo mistake? If it does, that's not a friendship, it's an acquaintance. As for work, if you had to find a new one, it's just an opportunity to find a better one - always look for the positive, life is better that way!
Peachfuzz124: But it’s not just my friends, it’s my teachers and my parents
someonesdaddy269: I understand that fear - hopefully everything is back to normal and you didn't suffer any embarrassment!
| 6 | 10.333333 | |
1671841034 | 1671930163 | t3_ztwupg | t5_2to41 | 26 | PM_ME_UR_HIP_DIMPLES: TIFU by “peeing in the pool” on a small and very personal scale
Yesterday was a very light day at the office for my employees and I gave them an extra long weekend off for the holidays. We did secret santa (white elephant got aggressive last year) and one of my employees got me Epsom salts and a tea bath bomb due to my daily complaints of back pain. It was very thoughtful and I was excited to use it today. I don’t bathe often, mostly showers due to the high-pressure showerhead I have and the respite from back pain for an hour that I crave. I shower twice a day even. I think we’re all creatures of habit, and I have an accidentally specific shower routine. I also do the same things every time I take a bath. I read the Epsom salts bag and it said to use half the bag. I wanted to crank up the benefits so I emptied the whole thing in. The bath bomb smelled amazing and it was really satisfying to see it dissolve into a purple bubbling brew.
Now one of those idiosyncratic things I do before a bath is I shower quick to get the clean feeling at least before I go all sous vide with my own body stuff. I hit the old balls-balls, pit-pit ,reverse karate chop the pooper and lose myself in the showerhead heat for a moment and the pain relief. I then descend into a trance and go on to my *other* shower routine. Every time I shower I pee. Like clockwork. It’s very relieving to be warm and cozy and relieving your bladder. If you haven’t tried it, I highly suggest it. Just not in public showers. Constanza: “there was a drain!”
I think you know where this is headed. Here I am blissfully peeing while dopamine carries my dreams of relaxing in a hot tub of salt and back relief when I look down and realize I’ve contaminated my soup like Dongbei. Instead of frantically reaching for the drain switch with futility I just put my head under the water, got the drain going and slowly watched my simple pleasure swirl into the abyss as a beautiful disaster of violet salt-pee-tea waterspout down along with my hopes.
Defeated, I washed the aftermath off from the shins down sadly noticing the relief on my ankles and feet from just the short time in the salts and bath bomb.
TL;DR I peed in my back relief bath
I think I’m gonna get myself a gift from Santa tonight and unload a couple hundo on some bath products
Happy holidays
jungerfrosch: I'm confused..... you were taking a shower so you would be clean while standing in your rising bath water?
Where do you suppose all the dirt(and poo from your bum hole) go when you shower standing in your bath water...... but then you were bothered by your pee?
coach8000: Yeah was wondering the same.
| 3 | 8.666667 | |
1671722101 | 1671735270 | t3_zsodl6 | t5_2to41 | 563 | [deleted]: TIFU by riding my bf
[deleted]
maexx80: Yeah ... A guy ramming his dick into an anus at speed will most definitely not say "oooopsie what happened" and not feel it. Unless your anus somehow is gaping wide open. This is creative writing.
[deleted]: No he felt it he just thought I tightened my 🐱
SallyHeap: The ass feels like an o ring because it's basically just the sphincter and then open intestine, the vagina feels like a handshake because the opening isn't any tighter than the walls.
maexx80: And said sphincter will rip your dick bloody if you just hammer it in without preparation or lube
SallyHeap: Not to mention the tearing and blood from slamming a duck into a delicate asshole without lube.
machisuji: I condemn this kind of animal cruelty.
SallyHeap: Goddammit Autocorrect! I NEVER mean duck!!
TheReal-Chris: What’d that duck ever do to you?
| 9 | 62.555556 | |
1671843018 | 1671859568 | t3_ztxivy | t5_2to41 | 269 | askingrytquestions: TIFU in giving a presentation today which was a part of my Ph.D. evaluation.
Using a throwaway account as some of my colleagues are here.
Edit: please say something, don't just upvote. I want someone to say something to me so I could go to sleep.
I had my candidacy today and because my research hasn't been going well, I was anxious. For those who do not know, a candidacy is basically part of an evaluation process in which a Ph.D. candidate is supposed to give a presentation to his jury. This jury decides if the candidate is doing well enough and whether he/she should be allowed to continue. Pretty standard process across the globe. I do not remember me being this nervous before. So, I had my presentation ready, which was supposed to be 40 minutes. To get rid of this anxiety, I took some pills that "loosely speaking" brings me into relaxation mode. I took two of them and that too without any breakfast. This was the first time I took two of them at once on empty stomach.
These made me super calm and I almost forgot all my worries. One of those worries was finishing my presentation on time. I started presenting and forgot about the time limit. Would you believe how much extra time I took- not 5 minutes, not 10 minutes but 40 extra minutes. I was supposed to finish it in 40 minutes and ended up speaking for 40 additional minutes. I am looking back at the recording now as it was online and boy oh boy, this is embarrassing. Nobody stopped me and I had no idea of time, whatsoever.
I did pass but this is now a lifetime funny/ embarrassing memory.
I have no one around to discuss this and I do not want to, so posting here.
Tl;DR: TIFU by crossing my presentation time way above what I was supposed to
waitingonawave: You passed. A win is a win. I’m wondering why you would double up on your medication before a key presentation if you’d never done it before. Seems silly.
askingrytquestions: >I’m wondering why you would double up on your medication before a key presentation if you’d never done it before. Seems silly.
Anxiety makes us do silly stuff and more so the impulsive desire to get rid of it.
meetmyfriendme: My anxiety has made me to similar things at just the wrong time. I’m glad it still kinda worked out for you.
askingrytquestions: take care stranger.
| 5 | 53.8 | |
1671843509 | 1671847520 | t3_ztxolv | t5_2to41 | 69 | LJGHunter: TIFU by putting diesel fuel in my gas tank
(technically this happened a couple days ago but whatever, still a fuck up)
For a bit of backstory, I'm undergoing chemotherapy for colorectal cancer. My oncology team sent over a very nice nurse who explained what the chemotherapy would be like, including side effects. One of the things she mentioned is that the chemo would make me "forgetful".
Friends, what she should have told me is that the chemotherapy would turn me into a drooling idiot. She should have used those words exactly. I'm already 'forgetful' thanks to ADHD, chemo-brain is a different beast entirely.
The day after my chemo pump was removed, I felt good enough to go out and run some errands. I did the shopping, picked up a few last minute gifts, and decided I'd put some gas in the car so my husband wouldn't have to. (Aren't I a considerate wife?) Then I went to pick up my kid from school, which very fortunately is not far from the gas station.
I barely made it there. My poor car huff and puffed its way up the incline to the school parking lot, emergency lights flashing, where it found a parking spot and then died. I had no idea what was wrong the car, it has always been reliable. I called my husband, mentioned having put gas in the car and his first question was to ask if I used the right gasoline.
Oh. Oooooh.
I could not definitely say one way or the other if I had. I literally could not remember actually pumping the gas. The more I thought about it though, the more I was sure I used diesel instead of petrol. Cue my having to call a friend to take me, my kid, my groceries and our presents (fortunately none of them for her) home, then pick up my husband and drive him back to the car so he'd be there when the tow truck showed up. He spent some time getting everything sorted but the good news is they managed to save the car by flushing the lines and changing all the spark plugs.
TL;DR: TIFU by trying to run errands on chemo-brain and accidentally put diesel fuel in my gas tank instead of petrol, and the new house rule is that if I can't remember my phone number then I don't leave home without an escort.
Moosebuckets: …how? Are the nozzles not different sizes where you’re from?
LJGHunter: THEY ARE!!!
I even noticed it didn't fit quite right (once I started remembering). I just...thought I was holding it wrong or something. I really, really cannot stress how goddamn stupid chemotherapy makes me.
RandoCalrissian11: Ya, but in order to pump the fuel you’d have to literally pump it from outside the hole. It won’t fit in. You’d really have to force the fuel through.
sinevigiliamentis: That's what I was thinking. I almost did this once, but was so confused by the nozzle not fitting. I can't imagine how I would have successfully filled my tank. That's the day I learned they were different sizes.
LJGHunter: Apparently anything is possible if you're stupid enough.
I did notice the nozzle didn't fit. It did not deter me like it would have someone with a brain.
| 6 | 11.5 | |
1671843634 | 1671845538 | t3_ztxqae | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU by leaving the trash can in my bathroom open with a dog who eats everything.
[deleted]
kylieb209: I’m sorry that happened to you but try not to blame yourself. Accidents happen and it’s hard to be perfect about closing the doors every time. When i was little, I accidentally left out a foot long slim Jim. My dog ate the entire thing without chewing it and my mom thought he was dying when he started throwing up. She had to pull the whole wrapper out of his throat. I felt so guilty. But he’s still alive at 15
Offcentered_reader: Thanks I appreciate it, I’m glad your dog is also ok! Crazy the kind of trouble the can get into haha
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1671734451 | 1671735601 | t3_zstfzu | t5_2to41 | 11 | Wide_Presentation852: TIFU by almost giving work money to a scammer
[removed]
Songbringer90: Eh no reason to feel stupid. If these scams didn't work, they wouldn't keep doing it. You caught on and didn't lose anything, that's a win. 30b lost in a year according to this random link when I Google it. Plenty of people get scammed, don't stress what happened. Like your boss said, ignore ane hang up. Enjoy the holidays!
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.cnbc.com/amp/2021/06/29/americans-lost-billions-of-dollars-to-phone-scams-over-the-past-year.html
Wide_Presentation852: Thank you. You enjoy the holidays to!!
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1670571071 | 1670597241 | t3_zgq9ly | t5_2to41 | 3 | Bunnies4Life72: TIFU by having sex with a cactuw
[removed]
Twolef: I’m sure this took a lot of work. Well done.
Utterly pointless though. Nobody is going to believe it.
shreck_the_savior: Bruh
| 3 | 1 | |
1669918960 | 1670007907 | t3_z9v9hu | t5_2to41 | 4,443 | Lonely_Magician_4656: TIFU by using the restroom at work
So normally I don’t use the restroom at work. If I have to shit I’ll just drive home on my break and come back. That’s because I need to use wet wipes after and I need to take my shirt off. Well today I couldn’t wait for my break so I rushed in. No problem, when this happens I just grab a paper towel and run some water over it. So I get done and reach for the paper towel and what would you know I fucking forgot it. No problem, this bathroom is a ghost town, everybody uses the one near the front of the office. I can just waddle to the sink real quick and grab one. So I say fuck it and rush to the sink. Mission accomplished. But as soon as I started going back to the stall of course someone walked in. As I’m shirtless, pants to my ankles holding a wet paper towel. He could’ve just laughed it off but no the guy fucking screams. Now I’m back at my desk waiting for the inevitable stares once his version of events spreads around the office. So yeah this is why I don’t shit at work.
TLDR: Took a shit at work, went to grab paper towels. Co-worker saw me naked.
mrpasciak: Im sorry...but why do you need wet wipes and why do you take your shirt off? Do you not know how to wipe? Do you get shit on your shirt if you dont take it off?
LonelyHarmony71: if you don’t use wet wipes, you have a dirty ass.
masterdeity: But you can't flush wet wipes... I guess it's not your problem if your job needs to hire a plumber to bring an auger out. Hmm.
Significant_Fox_1779: Most types that are sold are flushable
kromaticorb: You are wrong. I use them at home and they all go into the trash.
Significant_Fox_1779: I used them at home and throw them away too 🤣 but most work places have public plumbing so you don’t have to worry about septic tanks
kromaticorb: It isn't septic tanks, it's the pipes. I'm in the city and they had to clear out the pipes because of tampons and disposable wipes.
This is an example of "not mine so who cares" mentality that plagues the world.
Significant_Fox_1779: Thanks for assuming that’s my mentality. If it weren’t for the idiots flushing tampons the wipes wouldn’t clog the pipes lol
kromaticorb: Wrong. Wipes will clog the pipes on their own. Shit will clog pipes. Shit and toilet paper clog pipes just slower than wipes.
Significant_Fox_1779: Oh boy guess no one can do anything but piss then!!! Get off your high horse, I’d rather call a plumber every once in a while than my co workers smell like straight up shit
kromaticorb: So, telling you to not flush wipes means I'm on a horse.
Found the idiot.
Significant_Fox_1779: No you’re the idiot for stating that everything clogs the pipes and making it sound like it’s a crime to use the bathroom and toiletries the way they were intended. Get a life
| 13 | 341.769231 | |
1671575788 | 1671643468 | t3_zr1yr7 | t5_2to41 | 30,654 | ApologeticKid: TIFU by talking to Neil Patrick Harris.
My kids are off school for the holidays, so I took them to the local trampoline park today. When we got there, I looked around and notice a familiar face. I look a little closer and I realize it's Neil Patrick Harris there with one of his kids! We live near Los Angeles, so it's not uncommon to spot a celeb. In fact, I've seen NPH out and about once before. I went over to him, excited to tell him how much our family recently enjoyed 8 Bit Christmas (good movie, BTW. Worth a watch for 80s/90s kids).
"Hey, are you Neil Patrick Harris?!" I ask?
He smiles. "No, but I get that a lot. I am an actor though."
Me, disappointed and assuming he's in community theater or something, "Oh really? What have you been in?"
Him politely, "Well, uh...I've been Iceman in all of the X-Men movies."
Immediately I realized that the reason he looked familiar was because he is [Shawn Ashmore](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shawn_Ashmore). He does, indeed, play Iceman in the X-Men franchise and is also Lamplighter in The Boys.
So I pretty much made an ass of myself. To his credit, he was extremely cool about it. Seemed like a genuinely nice guy. But lesson learned I probably won't try to talk to celebrities any more.
TL;DR: I introduced myself to Neil Patrick Harris only to discover that it was, in fact, a different famous actor and I looked like an idiot.
caffinated-pebble: Shawn Ashmore has an identical twin brother, [Aaron Ashmore,](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aaron_Ashmore)who is also an actor.
TheSpyTurtle: Holy shit they're different people!! I thought the guy from x-men was the same guy from killjoys for years
wuukiee81: Genetically, they are the same guy.
eghost57: Sort of. Their epigenetics are different.
PoopLogg: I'm gonna differentiate YOUR epigenetics, pal!
immapunchayobuns: I'm not your pal, buddy!
the-truthseeker: I'm not your buddy, pal!
midwestcsstudent: I’m not your pal, guy!
the-truthseeker: I'm not your guy, friend!
| 10 | 3,065.4 | |
1670334773 | 1670428829 | t3_ze7ctn | t5_2to41 | 13,687 | [deleted]: TIFU by telling my girlfriend I would support her
[deleted]
Mesapholis: Well, tbh - if my boyfriend (this is important, you guys are not married) said he'd support me - I appreciate that but we are also in agreement that that is to cover basic living needs.
Like, rent so that I can study and not sleep under a bridge. Food, so that I can be not stressed about starving.
Everything beyond that is really sweet, but she's also an adult who needs to be able to cut back on things.
She doesn't have to worl full-time, but a part-time job could easily afford her small luxuries.
Entitlement is sad and tbh when (not if as it seems) you break up, she's on her own financially again
Tron08: This is the way. Since you took on her expenses so she could focus on school (and thus does not have a source of income), it makes sense that she would still have wants that are "just for fun", since all of us have such wants. That being said I think it's totally reasonable that you are not willing to cover "discretionary spending" (which is the technical term for expenses that are not essential. What needs to be made crystal clear is that your support was originally intended for the necessities only, and that she would need to cover any discretionary spending with her own money via part-time job, side hustle, whatever.
theindecisivehuman: Exactly! I think the wording may be a little misleading in the post as to whether it’s OP who doesn’t want her to get a part time job bc of time (in which case she should be given a budget for her personal stuff for friends etc) or whether she herself is refusing to have her own source of income
VenusAmari: He describes it as a selfish ask, so I think her not having any job at all was per his request so he could have time with her, rather than her refusing to having an income.
Tron08: I get the impression OP is relatively young and did not consider the repercussions/full responsibility of taking over someone else's finances. Hopefully they and their GF are able to discuss the current reality calmly and productively so that everyone can get what they want without hard feelings.
EMTStudent2001: I am pretty young yes, I never once told my partner I wouldn’t buy her things, she complains that she can’t buy things for herself, yet she never asks to buy things for herself, I have no mind for her to buy things for HER, it’s mainly the fact that I don’t want to buy her friend of (4)? Months a birthday gift, and her making me feel like a piece of shit because I won’t buy her a friend a gift. I don’t mind her buying things for herself.
VenusAmari: Do you want to have complete control over her, while isolating her from outside relationships? Do you want her to have only you in her world? No? Then she needs money she can spend on anything she wants without having to ask you. It doesn't matter if it's a birthday gift, maintaining relationships is important. Whether that comes from a part time job or discretionary income, it is a necessity for her to have independence and happiness. It is part of full support. If you don't want that, then you only want to partially support, and should communicate that to her so she can find a job.
nighthawk_something: The down votes show just how fucked up the people here are.
I bet these people also want a women who will stay at home to raise their kids.
Kixiepoo: yea! how dare a parent stay with their child to teach them right from wrong and keep them safe from danger! Gotta be hustlin' and livin' that gig life! $$$$$ /s
nighthawk_something: Ok and when that mother wants to go out for a friend's birthday?
Kixiepoo: Dad watches the kid?
You assigned the gender, but I don't know ANY parents that wouldn't prefer to, at the very least, work different shifts so someone can stay home with the kids, let alone have one of them stay at home full time to take care of the kids
nighthawk_something: Who pays
Kixiepoo: What is the situation?
To go out for a birthday meal / some drinks with a long time friend? No problem.
To buy gifts for a newly met person? No. Instead they can explain "*hey I know it's your birthday girl!!! but I'm super broke right now with my college classes and lack of a job so I couldn't get you anything this year. Maybe instead we could hang out this weekend and have a girls weekend or something. Thanks for understanding, friend! Love ya, hope your birthday is a great one!*"
Any friend who would be upset you didn't get them a monetary gift isn't a friend. Time with friends is priceless.
nighthawk_something: Ah so you believe that the SAH Partner is always "broke".
You're proving my point that you believe that a stay at home partner is by definition a leech
Kixiepoo: No idea where you get that.
In their situation I wouldn't spend my own money on a brand-new friend's birthday gifts. So why would I suddenly think it's okay to spend someone else's money on something me myself would not normally spend my own money on.
If she had worked for that money, would she have been so quick to part with it? Especially (if he weren't paying her way) knowing she still has to pay for rent, heat, water, electric, food, and tuition. Or would she have done what I did in my above example and said "sorry I'm broke but lets chill together sometime soon!"
Food for thought. I'm not arguing for the right to control someone through money, but there is an argument to be made for being responsible with money that they clearly do not have. Really they should be on the same team - you can't just spring something on your SO and then just expect them to be okay with paying for every whim and ambition. Things need to be budgeted for,
nighthawk_something: >So why would I suddenly think it's okay to spend someone else's money on something me myself would not normally spend my own money on.
When you make a joint financial decision like having one partner not work, it is not "someone else's money". You share the money.
That's what you do not understand.
Kixiepoo: They have to be responsible with their money.
There you go.
She doesn't sound responsible with it.
nighthawk_something: OP confirmed that the piercing thing cost him 35$ total.
Also, you keep calling it "their" money referring to the one who has income. .
Kixiepoo: Their money as in collective. both. Him and her. It is theirs.......... two people, sharing, their money. Theirs. Not hard to understand that.
I didn't see the cost of the piercing - this is the example he used, but somehow though I doubt this is a rare occasion, else he shouldn't have issue footing a $35 bill, and he probably wouldn't be making a reddit thread over thirty five bucks.
nighthawk_something: >else he shouldn't have issue footing a $35 bill, and he probably wouldn't be making a reddit thread over thirty five bucks.
Given his level of maturity, I doubt this.
He admitted in comments that the money wasn't the issue it was "the principle of it".
From everything he stated, nothing indicated that the money she spent was out of line or the amount was outrageous. He only cared about how it was spent.
It would be very different if he had issues with the amount she was spending that it was putting him in financial stress. That would all be very relevant and improve his argument yet it never came up.
Kixiepoo: Fair enough. Ima say they are both idiots. But sometimes we are all idiots and that is how we learn.
| 22 | 622.136364 | |
1671633920 | 1671665132 | t3_zrorsr | t5_2to41 | 5,210 | Intelligent-Cat-8979: TIFU by contacting a sex worker while blackened out
I got drunk and the next day found messages on my phone that showed me I contacted a sex worker, but I gave up on the appointment and still sent her the money.
It seemed fine until the next day I got a message of her asking me for 2.000$ otherwise she’d tell my “wife” that I’m cheating with sex workers. I’m not married.
The name she said was my mother. Who I live with.
I panicked and told my mom, who so graciously comforted and helped me instead of getting angry. I hadn’t heard anything from her after threatening to report, showing a picture of the virtual report to the police and blocking the number.
But I googled the name I sent the money to and found the bank account is linked to a woman with drug charges. And now I’m fearing she’s involved with dangerous people/ is dangerous herself and may come after me and my mom.
I’m having horrible thoughts of being kidnapped and killed or that same things happening to my mother.
I fu badly.
EDIT: thankful for all the words but lot of people assuming, so just to clarify I’m not a male! Thank you all though.
TL; DR I contacted a sex worker while blackened out, chickened out of the appointment and now she’s blackmailing me
boooooooooo_cowboys: >And now I’m fearing she’s involved with dangerous people/ is dangerous herself and may come after me and my mom. I’m having horrible thoughts of being kidnapped and killed or that same things happening to my mother.
You’re way overreacting. She tried to squeeze some extra money out of you and it didn’t work. You’re probably one of a dozen guys she’s trying the same scam on right now. I doubt she’ll give you a second thought.
Intelligent-Cat-8979: God, I truly hope so!
PromNyteDumpsterBby: What makes me doubt that she'll get violent is that she sounds like a career criminal and like she's probably effective at it. It's dumb to risk fucking up your life over a grudge if things are going your way. Plus this has probably happened to her before.
The one thing that makes a person truly dangerous more than any other factor is if they're unhappy to a point where they feel like they have nothing to lose. I used to be like that. Whenever anyone disrespected me in public (significantly enough) I would call them out for a physical fight, and they would normally back down, so I thought I was more brave than them.
But no, I was just more willing to put myself in danger because I was less happy than them. Now that my life is a lot better, I understand that. I wouldn't fight anyone over anything right now unless I was sure the fight was already gonna happen anyway. I have a *lot* to lose now.
Intelligent-Cat-8979: I hope that is the case. That’s just not worth it for her and she’ll let go.
TheStoolSampler: Consider yourself lucky. I bet she was planning on recording you..
laubrohet: Holy shit THIS
minorthreat1000: tHiS
| 8 | 651.25 | |
1671848608 | 1671905291 | t3_ztzct4 | t5_2to41 | 70 | dazablue: TIFU by sending my kids the penis emoji thinking it was a vegetable
My kids and I are not prudes, but we just don't ever discuss sex or specific body parts as they are used in intercourse.
Earlier today, my (3F) adult children and I (mom) were in a group text about nothing. One of the kids sent a text that was completely unimportant and meaningless mostly, like a picture of her gigantic spaghetti squash. Feeling like I should at least acknowledge receipt, I decided to answer with an emoji. I have an android phone, so I clicked the little emoji icon, then for whatever reason, I clicked the Food section, and I don't know why but that purple eggplant just ***spoke*** to me. I clicked and pressed send.
Shortly thereafter, my oldest asked, Mom, what is happening? Since that was the first message after mine, I answered, "It was the first emoji that popped up." The next message was, WHY WOULD YOU TELL US THAT? followed by a screenshot from the emoji dictionary explaining that the long, purple eggplant is really just used to represent a penis.
In my defense... OK, I don't really have a defense.
TL:DR Today I fucked up when I ent my kids the Eggplant emoji thinking it was an innocuous vegetable only to find out they do not want to know about me making a representative penis pop up
speedycat2014: More /r/kidsarefuckingstupid material, really
dazablue: I think that was me being stupid
SuperKato1K: It was not.
| 4 | 17.5 | |
1671851196 | 1671909572 | t3_zu068n | t5_2to41 | 10,937 | ResoluteHobo: TIFU by purchasing an adult toy with terrible plain packaging
I am unsure if this is a TIFU or a LWIFUBSIMAETWCIACT (Last Week I Fucked Up By Setting In Motion An Event That Would Culminate In A Conclusion Today), but today was the problem day.
Last week I purchased an adult toy for myself. One of those automatic masturbators, the one that mechanically moves a toy up and down to do the thing. I got the missed delivery card, and popped by after work the following day, excited to have a Christmas long weekend to enjoy the fruits of my $400 purchase.
When I arrived at the post office to collect, a very cute girl at the counter suggested I should meet her by the rear entrance where large packages are dropped off. It shouldn't have been that large, but I went around.
I soon found out why.
She was a little red in the face when she said that the packaging my item was in was poor, and had mostly fallen away to reveal an (she stuttered) "item of.. adult nature." I immediately went white as a ghost as she handed me the box. A very thin cardboard box was all that sat between the toy and the world from seeing it, and conveniently the part that was torn up and only taped back with clear tape was the bit with the titties and the photo of the toy vagina.
She said she thought I would appreciate not carrying it through the packed pre-Christmas rush in the office itself. She was right. I said something about appreciating her discretion, and high-tailed it out of there.
I'll need to find a new post office.
tl;dr I bought an adult toy and a bunch of people saw it.
J0nahCl97: I think you need to stick with the same post office personally haha most people would just hand it over the desk and send you on your way, but they made sure they were discreet about it
realzealman: Should go ask her out.
J0nahCl97: Please don't. One nice thing does not mean she's into you. She's doing her job
gregkiel: Also you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
Believe it or not you don't need to swipe on pictures to ask someone out on a date.
sleepykittypur: Yeah you're definitely right, not enough guys hit on women in the service industry.
gregkiel: Asking someone out for coffee or lunch isn't particularly rude.
Really need to touch grass every once in a while.
What kind of society doesn't allow you to ask someone out for lunch? 🤣
Commercial_Pitch_950: youre allowed, just dont whine when she acts completely uninterested and doesnt even give the time of day. Most people (women AND men) dont want to be flirted with or asked out while theyre trying to do work.
This goes doubly when theyre trying to be nice to a customer and the customers takes it as an opportunity. They are only being so friendly because they get paid to. Dont take it upon yourself to make their job harder because them being nice made you feel special.
gregkiel: Who said anything about whining? You're making up a scenario in your head and getting mad about it 😂
Asking someone to coffee is not rude. I've been asked out at work.. and we ended up dating for 3 years..
I hate to break it to you but people are working constantly in the US. So it stands to reason that when you interact with someone in real life they are working. So that leaves what potential interactions? A club, a bar, shopping, and Tinder. Because, I'm pretty sure people aren't going door to door to find dates...
The short of it is society is fastly approaching a normalization of dating via app as the only way to initiate asking someone out. This is absurd.
Nowhere did I say be pushy or obstinate if they declined.
Perhaps it is real life interactions with someone that attracts you to them?
Commercial_Pitch_950: You having a positive experience being asked out at work says nothing about the whole. Regardless of how you felt being asked out at work, most people dont like it. Theyre not usually looking to find a date at work, they’re not usually interested in the person anyways, and a lot of times they're not even single.
Theres plenty of ways to approach people without an app that doesnt involve putting extra pressure on them while theyre busy. You disliking dating apps and feeling like you dont have options to approach people who arent working isnt an issue with society. Its solely on you.
I think its telling that I said people working dont want to be bothered at work and you turned that into “You’re making up a scenario in your head and getting mad about it”. This is how idiots who dont have valid arguments talk. You’re trying to apply a hypothetical common situation I gave that to your own life. No one is mad.
edit: somehow i typed “changes” instead of “options”. no typo im just dumb
gregkiel: "just don't whine when she acts completely disinterested."
That is the scenario that you are making.
Nowhere in any of my comments did I say that someone should whine if they are turned down.
You, like many of the commenters here, are straw-manning me with a gish gallop of hypothetical and unattached socially taboo scenarios outside the original one that I posited.
1) You don't speak for "most people." You speak for you.
2) You are assuming that the person is busy when you ask them. There are typically periods of downtime at work, even at a counter. Use common sense and don't ask someone out when they are literally busy. I feel like I have to explain this. If you are "pressuring" someone when you ask them out, regardless of venue, you are doing it wrong. (Also see paragraph before point 1.)
3) I would say "usually not looking to find a date.." is true in most scenarios, hence the asking.
4) It would appear that there are quite a few people mad. They seem enraged at the idea of asking someone out if they are at work. This is silly. As long as you are being polite and sensible there is nothing wrong with asking someone out to lunch or coffee, even if they are at work. The fact that I even need to defend this position is the height of absurdity.
J0nahCl97: So idk how this spiralled to this but the point I was trying to make is someone doing 1 nice thing does not mean that you should ask them out, especially if that 1 nice thing is their job
gregkiel: I agree. That is a terrible reason.
I was arguing that there is nothing inherently wrong with asking someone out to lunch or coffee just because they are at work. There are scenarios in which it can be done respectfully.
It just so happens that it's an extremely unpopular opinion. My simple response has been broad-brushed with conjured scenarios of someone trapping a poor defenseless overworked employee into a hostile barrage of forced advances. In reality, I was suggesting that if you want to ask someone out, you can.
It really isn't a big deal unless you make it one.
I don't think anyone has suffered being asked if they'd like to grab coffee sometime.
J0nahCl97: Oh no see I myself have asked for a woman's number while she was at work and she gave it and then I gave her mine and figured I'd let her text me rather than text her and she did very quickly but beside the point, nothing wrong with asking someone out in most situations provided it is done respectfully so yes I agree
gregkiel: Yes, this was the only point I was trying to make.
Have a good holiday!
| 15 | 729.133333 | |
1671439540 | 1671487082 | t3_zpmd34 | t5_2to41 | 8 | TIFUTAway555: TIFU by becoming an accidental porn star and my wife finding out (NSFW)
[removed]
CrimsonPiranha: Kind of your own fault, isn't it?
TIFUTAway555: I’m the victim - it’s the fault of the one doing something illegal
SignificantKnee9330: most of those girls are being sex traffic, which is illegal and unethical. And you as a tourist taking advantage of it
TIFUTAway555: Stop spreading false information.
PuzzleheadedTap4484: Prostitution is illegal in Thailand. It’s not really enforced but it’s illegal, so you’re the one spreading false information. And a lot of those women/girls probably are being forced into sex trafficking.
Section 286. Prostitution. Any person, being over sixteen years of age, subsists on the earning of a prostitute, even it is some part of her incomes, shall be punished with imprisonment of seven to twenty years and fined of fourteen thousand to forty thousand Baht, or imprisonment for life.
https://library.siam-legal.com › crim...
Indecency Prostitution (Sections 282-287) | Thailand Law Library
Seriously, next time by a fleshlight.
TIFUTAway555: Nope. I’m not spreading false information. Sex trafficking is more common in the USA, it’s relatively rare among Thai women. Stop spreading false information.
No one gets in trouble for prostitution. It’s in name only to save face. It’s like how in Arizona, “it is illegal for men and women over the age of 18 to have less than one missing tooth visible when smiling”
PuzzleheadedTap4484: You’re trying to justify your cheating and using sex workers. It’s disgusting. Karma will be strong.
It is estimated that 100,000 to 200,000 Thai females work in a variety of overseas venues where sex is sold.
With regard to sex trafficking of Thai citizens, there are two general scenarios that exist in Thailand. The primary scenario is one where an individual is recruited from a village to move to a larger town, where they are forced into the sex industry. The secondary scenario is one in which a person is transported from a village directly to a foreign country.
Hughes, Donna M., Laura J. Sporcic, Nadine Z. Mendelsohn, and Vanessa Chirgwin. "Factbook on Global Sexual Exploitation: Thailand." Thailand - Facts on Trafficking and Prostitution. Coalition Against Trafficking in Women. Web. 12 Oct 2010.
https://www.ojp.gov/ncjrs/virtual-library/abstracts/trafficking-people-thailand
But regardless, this isn’t a TIFU situation. You have knowingly done this numerous times and only now got caught. You need to post on a subreddit “today I got caught cheating”.
TIFUTAway555: You have very poor reading comprehension. Since when is Thailand overseas from Thailand?
PuzzleheadedTap4484: You also have poor reading comprehension. A lot of the children and women they take from villages they force into sex trade in the bigger Thailand cities OR (here’s the big OR) they can also ship/trafficked them to other countries. Seriously stop justifying this as something that’s ok. It’s not ok. Chances are the girls you are paying to have sex with are being trafficked.
SignificantKnee9330: OP isn’t very bright from his choice making and is part of THAT statistic of men. Stop arguing, he doesn’t see how any of his actions are wrong
| 11 | 0.727273 | |
1671851800 | 1671855275 | t3_zu0cz0 | t5_2to41 | 21 | OneMoreGirl_MX: TIFU trying to scare my sister.
Well, we need some context here: Me(17F) my sister (21F) and my grandma (64F) we're from Mexico and my neighbourhood isn't pretty safe during holidays, so like 30 minutes ago my sister, my grandma and i were wrapping Christmas gifts but we run out of glue so my sister send me to the house of one of our neighbors to buy some but when I got there the little store wasn't open so I went to one just around the corner, so i got the glue and i head back home, here's when IFU... When I was 2 more houses to get to mine i thought it would be a great idea to scare my sister by telling her that some guys were robbing the stationery store and that they were asking for my cell phone, the idea was to get to the house and tell her I was just joking and i were fine but when I was a few steps closer to my house I saw my sister and my grandma taking out our dogs and one knife, i screamed that I was fine and that I was joking but they started crying, I'm not a person who jokes or makes pranks frequently so they thought I was for real, i hugged them and tell them I was sorry, my sister got mad at me but now she's even joking about it, I'm never going to do this stuff again, i don't really have a filter for this, I'm really sorry I scared them like that :(
TL ; DR Anyway, I wish you all a very nice Christmas, don't do that kind of jokes, my sister almost fainted for this and nothing assure you that's not going to happen to one of the members of your family.
wildadragon: When you put TL;DR you're supposed to put a 1 to 2 sentence summary after it.
BarcodeDie: What does it even mean?
wildadragon: Too long, didn't read. So when you don't wanna read a super long post and skip to the summary to see if it's worth the read.
BarcodeDie: Ohh ok, Ty 😁
| 5 | 4.2 | |
1671855397 | 1671911437 | t3_zu1gli | t5_2to41 | 3,410 | BlackSepticGuy: TIFU by spending over $100 on Troll dolls for Christmas
My brother and his wife had a baby two years ago, and due to COVID, I just met her in September and this will be the first Christmas I see my "new" niece.
In late November, my brother and his family were at our new house as were getting ready to decorate for Christmas and my niece quickly took a liking to a Santa Claus Troll doll my wife has had since childhood. Basically a Troll doll with a white beard and a Santa suit. She really seemed to love it. When she picked it up I said "It's a Troll doll!" and she quickly imitated saying "Troll! Papa Troll!". Seems like basically anything with white hair, or old men in general are "Papas", to her, which is what she calls my dad, her grandfather.
Flash forward to a couple weeks ago and I am talking with my sister-in-law and I ask what I should get my niece for Christmas. She said she was really into the Papa troll, absolutely loved it, wouldn't stop talking about it. So I thought great, I'll get some Troll dolls and it will make a nice, personal gift for one of my new favourite people.
Now I'm a bit of a weirdo in that I'll always do a fair amount of research - yes, even for a two year old's gift. Without turning this into a lesson on Troll doll history, I'll give a brief summary. In short, they were a fad 70 years ago, then after the fast was over, copyright ran out, and a bunch of companies started making cheap knockoff Troll dolls. 30 years ago the copyright was re-instated? and "official" Troll dolls came out, which maybe killed the whole fad. And then finally about 10 years ago, it appears they made an animated film and "rebooted" the dolls. I think that's right, but here's the article if you really care: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Troll_doll
**ANYWAY**, trying to find new, "real" Troll dolls that looked like the ones ***I*** remember as a kid (and ones that look like the "Papa troll" I have) was difficult. The new ones that look like that are clearly poorly made knockoffs. The other new trolls look like the ones from the movie, and don't really resemble the ones I am familiar with. Now I could have just bought some of those Trolls, but I'm an idiot so I decided to seek out some "real, official, vintage Troll dolls".... for a two year old girl.
So I went on eBay, and managed to find someone selling 4 dolls, including a "Papa troll" (Santa)... in the UK. I'm in Canada. With taxes and shipping (had to pay a bit extra to get it for Christmas) it was $130. Way too much to spend on something she literally played with for five minutes, and for a two year old, but idc.
So here is the fuckup. I was talking to my brother last night and I told him what I got his daughter. He said something along "oh ok that's weird". I explained to him how she saw the doll at our house, and how his wife had told me that she wouldn't stop talking about it. He said he didn't know anything about it, but ok, whatever. I was a little deflated by this, not gonna lie. I started thinking it was a waste of money, and that I could have got her something she was more interested in. Little did I know just how much of a waste of money it was, until this morning, when my sister-in-law calls me, dying laughing.
I guess my brother talked to her about it and told her I spent $130 on Troll dolls, including the Santa one. Through what I can assume are tears, she manages to let me know that their daughter isn't into "Papa troll" she likes *Paw Patrol*. A TV show about a dog that solves murders or something. She assures me that my niece will probably still like my gift, and that this is the best gift I could have got **her** (my SIL), but... fuck.
----
TL;DR I thought my niece liked a "Papa troll" doll she found at my house, but she actually just likes *Paw Patrol*, and I spent $130 on Troll dolls she definitely doesn't care about.
who-are-we-anyway: "A TV show about a dog that solves murders or something" is what really did it for me
Atrejuuu: couldve put some more research into that.
ToWitToWow: The moral of this story is that “research” is not the OP’s friend.
Telling him to keep on researching at this point is like telling the Black Knight to rub some dirt in it and walk it off.
rythmicbread: It’s only a scratch!
toetappy: All right, we'll call it a draw
| 6 | 568.333333 | |
1671855674 | 1671929431 | t3_zu1jk0 | t5_2to41 | 2 | Ventildeckeldichtung: Tifu by breaking the light barrier off one of the gates at work
Im working as a security guard and around midnight we noticed that one of out gates didn’t close.
We try to avoid writing reports about „broken“ stuff that isn’t really broken. Simply because it saves both time and money.
Usually it’s just a dirty sensor or the alignment of the sensor is slightly off.
So i tried the usual, wipe all sensors clean and check if they are working properly.
I quickly found the faulty sensor and managed to get the gate going by applying light pressure to the sensor.
Unfortunately it didn’t stay in the position it is supposed to stay in so i tried to slightly bend it back in place because thats way easier for me then to write a full on report about a misaligned sensor.
So i tried to bend it just a little bit to realign the sensor with the reflector but both rivets holding the sensor mounting bracket snapped off.
We are not supposed to touch anything but we’ve done this procedure countless times and moving the sensor a bit proved to be the way to avoid writing a report and get the gates going again.
Now i have to write a report not about a misaligned sensor but about a sensor my lazy ass ripped off because i wanted to avoid writing a report.
Tl:dr i tried being lazy at work and wanted to fix the light sensor myself, i ripped it off and now have to explain myself
Critical-Echo-923: cant you just report a broken sensor and dont go into details unless asked ?
Ventildeckeldichtung: Unfortunately i can’t.
If something is broken we’re expected to review the cctv footage and investigate how something got broken.
I tried to be as vague as possible in my report and hope for the best.
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1671857341 | 1671896585 | t3_zu20qv | t5_2to41 | 20 | [deleted]: TIFU by beating up my best friend,
[deleted]
EvilRayquaza: Question is, will Jack be getting convicted himself for sleeping with a minor?
Edit: oh he's 17, didnt read that til i posted, still very fucked up
Tede6977: Jack can still be charged with statutory rape.
JJtrys: Question.
Will it still be considered statutory rape when the best friend was not yet 18(it's just a 3-year age gap) and the relationship was consensual? Proof in the texts.
Tede6977: Yes because he was older than the girl. That makes it statutory rape. F14 with M17.
Jake_600: Don’t know why you are being downvoted
Tede6977: A lot of people don't like the truth....
| 7 | 2.857143 | |
1670534955 | 1670621241 | t3_zgcajj | t5_2to41 | 18,065 | throwawayyy1132: TIFU by having my current girlfriend finding old NSFW videos of me and my ex I forgot to delete
Two days ago my girlfriend and I were cuddling and she was scrolling through my phone. She was going through old snapchat memories, which I didn’t mind as Snapchat isn’t an app I use and I have no clue what’s on there if I’m being honest. Next thing you know, there is a thumbnail of a NSFW video from a few months ago on there. I tell her I’m sorry, I deleted everything off every single app but I don’t use snapchat and forgot to do it there. She acts cool on the spot, but becomes very distant the following day. Today, she tells me that all she can think of when she sees my face is me and my ex together, and she’s disgusted by me.
I’m at a loss on what to do. I feel horrible for what happened and want to make it right, but I’m not sure what else I can do except apologize and delete the videos (which I already did btw). She has BPD and struggles a lot with overthinking, anxiety and other issues, and I’m worried we might not recover from this.
TL;DR : My gf found NSFW video on snapchat memories I forgot to delete of me and my ex, finds me disgusting now.
UPDATE: We’re good now, thank you everyone!
AmeliaRood: Dude relax. It's been only 2 days. Yeah we all know our partners have had a sex life before us but we don't like to see it. Just give it time.
WayneKrane: I saw pictures of my partner with his ex. I got so irrationally mad I gathered all the clothes I saw in the pictures and was ready to toss them. Luckily I came to my senses and got over it. But yeah, give it time, nothing you can do about the past.
ASAPTurner: Props to you for coming to your senses but that's weirdo behavior.
WayneKrane: Can’t disagree with you there, wasn’t much thinking involved for a second there
kaitlin331: I don't think that makes you a weirdo. You had some intense emotions following a situation that was probably unexpected and a little jarring. Contemplating taking that kind of action and actually doing it are two very different things, and the fact that you stopped yourself and realized that you were overreacting makes you not a weirdo, in my opinion.
Let_you_down: I saw your edit. Even without completing the action, it still shows abusive, controlling and destructive behavior. u/WayneKrane should examine these actions and thought process seriously because not every situation in the future will give them time to dial back
There is no "They wound up to throw a punch but didn't follow through or actually hit me, so no harm no foul."
The impulse is not something to be excused, made fun of, or taken lightly.
kaitlin331: My edit? What edit was that exactly? I genuinely don't remember changing anything in that post.
Personally, I think there's a difference between threatening violent behavior toward someone and tossing some clothes in a dumpster or whatever. But I guess if you feel like that's a fair comparison, that's your prerogative.
I wasn't excusing the impulse. I was simply saying that I don't think it makes them a "weirdo". Human beings act on impulse all the time in various different scenarios. That doesn't mean it's always justifiable, and there is probably a reason behind it that needs to be looked into and sorted out, but I don't think it means that they're out of their mind or anything.
Let_you_down: Yes, your edit, you (and others here) are excusing, encouraging and validating abusive behavior. You toned it down with your edit, but still are advocating on behalf of her.
Abusive partners do not start out hitting their partners. They start out obsessing over exs, or over perceived romantic rivals. They start out with controlling and destructive behavior. Often, before punching or slapping a partner, they will punch a wall, destroy a possession, escalate to the destruction of property that they know the other treasures before hurting them.
She stopped herself, but it doesn't mean she didn't start it. It still denotes serious irrational, hurtful and destructive behavior, that should not be taken lightly in any partner displaying similar behavior patterns.
kaitlin331: Okay, but what did I change in my original comment? Again, I don't remember re-wording anything. I may have edited a word if there was a typo or auto-correct error, but if I ever add something completely different to something I posted, I make that known. I'm not trying to hide anything, so if I initially said something different than what is there now, let me know and maybe I can provide some clarification.
We know literally nothing about the OP of that comment, other than the fact that they openly admitted to reacting in the way that they did and then realized their response was an overreaction. I think if they were someone who was abusive, or capable of being abusive, they would never admit to doing something like this. If anything, they would blame their partner or a third party for their behavior and not take responsibility. In this case, OP did take responsibility and admitted that they were in the wrong for reacting that way. Again, I definitely agree that there is an underlying issue there. But I'm not going to make an assumption that someone openly sharing this kind of experience and being honest about it is abusive or manipulative.
Let_you_down: Lots of abusive people can admit their behavior. Some hate themselves for it. Some will only admit their behavior in situations where they feel safe/not judged/supportive or anonymous. But I didn't day OP was abusive, I said this is the start of abusive behavior, indicative of lack of impulse control, and something that needs to be taken seriously.
By publicly excusing and minimalizing this behavior, men and women who may find themselves victimized in the future may not be able to recognize the warning signs as things escalate.
"He/She gathered my belongings to burn them, went to Smash my umbrella in half, readied a swing with a baseball bat at my car, etc but stopped themselves, we are all good."
kaitlin331: Like I've stated previously, I wasn't excusing the behavior. It is something that was likely triggered by an underlying issue that should be addressed. Literally all I was saying in my original comment is that I don't think that it was "weirdo behavior". It feels like a pretty big jump to read ONE story that this person decided to share and conclude that their reaction is or could be a sign of future abusive behavior. We know next to nothing about them or the situation.
Reddit is hardly a space where people can go to not be judged and criticized. I think this comment thread is a good example of that. Anonymous, sure, but safe and supportive? Yeah, right. This person shared their experience knowing that it opened them up to criticism and people making assumptions.
Let_you_down: This is "weirdo behavior" they didn't say OP was a weirdo. But that the behavior was. This type of behavior 100% falls outside the bellcurve for both obsessive thinking and impulse control as she had already started acting on the impulse.
By trying to be supportive (in the wrong way instead of encouraging her to work on obsessive and compulsive impulses and letting her know lots of people struggle or have similar incidents but there are ways of encouraging healthier ways of thinking) and _downplaying_ it, you are (hopefully inadvertently, rather than internally justifying your own actions in a relationship, or your partner's actions) supporting abusive and destructive behavior.
There are a lot of men and women out there who started out with one story, one incident, and told themselves it's not that bad who found themselves in increasingly escalating situations where they kept telling themselves "its not that bad," until they found themselves trapped in a physically, emotionally and sexually abusive relationship that left them with scars and self image issues that years of work have a difficult time unraveling.
I don't care if my reply pointing this out was down voted and considered highly controversial, despite also receiving support. I'd rather have people argue over it to bring awareness to the fact than brush off abuse.
kaitlin331: I didn't really find it necessary to criticize them considering they seemed to be pretty aware that their reaction was out of line. They're pretty self-aware as it is. They also weren't seeking help or advice. I was disagreeing with a comment that was left, and that's it. Like I said, I don't feel it's my place to sit and analyze their behavior and potential future behavior based on one situation that they mentioned. There are a lot of reasons a person may react in a way that is unjustified or irrational. I don't feel inclined to jump to the conclusion that this is the beginning stage of abusive behavior down the line. Could it be? I mean, yeah, that's possible. But there are various other explanations that could be behind that kind of reaction. I just don't have enough information to make that assumption.
Regardless, if you want to tell me that I'm wrong in my opinion, that's fine. I'll be wrong. It's not going to change anything on my end.
Let_you_down: You say
> It's not going to change anything on my end.
And that's not the case. While no one ever admits to anything during a disagreement, which is fine by me btw, you'll hopefully be surprised at how much this conversation will float in your head the next time you are discussing DV, VAWG, SA, abuse and redflags, which is all I can hope for. Peeps do not like cognitive dissonance or being on the wrong side of things, but the ideas will still be there. And that next conversation won't be you feeling defensive, so the ideas and understanding will be yours and you'll be more careful what and how you advocate. All I can ask for really.
I'm not an idiot, I would never expect someone to admit to maybe being wrong on the internet, lol.
Hopefully you will now be more mindful of these sorts of things in the future, shuld you ever be caught off guard by your own thoughts/actions, or God forbid have a partner who displays these traits that you need to set firm/hard boundaries with.
kaitlin331: I feel like you're missing my whole entire point of saying that the reaction in question is not inherently a sign of someone who is or may become abusive. You're making this huge assumption based on very little information. There is a plethora of reasons that could be cause for someone to react in that way, but you're just honing in on this possibility that this is a warning sign of abusive behavior to come. I just don't think it's fair to that person who made that comment to assume that this is a typical behavior and it's only going to get worse. We don't know that. We have nothing to base that on. It just seems like you're really stuck on this narrative that you've created that may or may not be true, and we'll never know either way. I'm not someone who would ever defend an abuser of any kind, for any reason. It's just a huge leap to hear a relatively vague story about someone's experience and claim that their behavior is a sign of them becoming abusive.
Let_you_down: Again, I don't expect anything anymore from you here. You defended an instance of abusive behavior, presumably because of sexism towards women and men. Not particularly your fault, those inclinations run deep in society because of toxic masculinity and its prevalence in culture/society.
You are not inherently sexist or abusive, from what I've gathered, and have at least internally acknowledged the error. There won't be another edit or an admission of error, still working through cognitive dissonance and self-image & value isses. Fine by me because again you seem less inclined to make the same advocacy mistake in the future, and will protect yourself by recognizing it as problematic behavior should one of your partners exhibit it.
Which was all I was going for here, so I think we are done.
| 17 | 1,062.647059 | |
1670659969 | 1670730298 | t3_zhms4e | t5_2to41 | 14,814 | Budget_Collar9197: TIFU by asking my coworker for a date
I (20M) have been dating my girlfriend/bestfriend Cindy for a few months and her birthday was the 3rd. She happens to share a birthday with my coworker Mariana (18F). My workplace has only eight people so we often but birthday presents for each other, so obviously I bought Mariana a present.
I got Mariana a dolphin necklace and I got my girlfriend a matching bracelet and ring with tanzanite in them (her birthstone) and a letter telling her how much I appreciate her with reservation tickets. So one is much more intimate then the other.
On her birthday I decided to buy donuts and coffees for breakfast in bed for her. We ate and I wished her a happy birthday and checked my phone. I thought my shift started at 9, it started at 8:30. In my rush out the door I grabbed the gift bag for Mariana from my desk as they looked similar at a glance.
When I gave Mariana the bag I walked away as I don’t like watching people open presents and I heard an audible gasp and thought “she must have loved the dolphin!” She ran over to me and kissed me on the cheek and said she’s love to go on a date. I looked at her confused and saw the reservation tickets.
Cue a thirty minute hell of explaining that I wasn’t asking her out and that it was for my girlfriend. She lost all color and I’m not even exaggerating. You could literally see the embarrassment and disappointment wash over her face. When lunch break came around I sped home.
When I explained to Cindy what happened she made fun of me for it. I went to back to work and tried to give Mariana her gift but she didn’t look at me and kept her head down.
I still had a great date with Cindy but she said “are you sure the reservation is for me?” I’ve never been so red. Hopefully Mariana will start talking to me again soon.
TL;DR I gave my coworker my girlfriend’s birthday gift and she accepted the date offer in it.
freemason777: This sounds like a sitcom plot
Budget_Collar9197: Yeah I was expecting a studio audience to laugh at any moment
SquatDeadliftBench: Why did you buy her a necklace?
Budget_Collar9197: Because she likes dolphins
SquatDeadliftBench: You are either clueless about gifting boundaries or this is straight up fiction.
Definitely too much if you do not like her. I personally would think you have feelings for me if you gave me this.
cyberchrist_: Gifting boundaries lol... never heard that one before
boundnbrattybabygirl: Even if you don't call it gifting boundaries, what are the top 3 gifts suggested for a gf at Valentines? Flowers, chocolate, jewelry. Regardless of whether most of us actually want those things, this is the well-known standard. Thus why most of us cringed reading that he bought jewelry for a coworker. It might have been a $5 necklace he found at a dollar store but the connotation of intimacy is there unintentionally.
rathlord: Can you fuck right off with this nonsense?
I buy jewelry for my mom and aunts far more than my wife.
I bought chocolate (and have received chocolate) for many, many coworkers over the years.
Only the most immature, child-brained person would think that you can’t give inexpensive chocolate, jewelry, or flowers (which also are extremely common gifts in some industries for coworkers).
This is just pure, unadulterated childishness. Grow up.
Zooomz: > I buy jewelry for my mom and aunts far more than my wife.
No comment on who's right or wrong, but your example doesn't prove your point at all.
If you believe in intimacy boundaries for gifts, obviously family members are okay to receive more intimate gifts.
I don't think a family member would assume you have special interest in them even if you bought them socks and underwear.
The question is whether there should be a line between the gifts you'd give a partner vs a coworker vs even a friend.
rathlord: Their thesis wasn’t “these gifts are only for people you’re close to” it’s “these are *Valentine’s* gifts and you can only give them to people you’re romantically interested in.”
If you disagree with that I highly disagree with your interpretation of what was said given the context was *extremely* explicit.
And yes, there is a line of what’s appropriate and what’s not- I’m not going to disagree with that being tenuously extant. But if you feel he “broke a boundary” by giving a necklace, or worse yet that flowers, chocolate, or jewelry can’t be gifted platonically, you’re a child. Period.
The187Riddler: I can guarantee based on the way you’re acting like a child that couldn’t possibly be wrong and your defense of this that you have crossed MANY social boundaries and haven’t realized it because you’re so fucking awkward. Buying a coworker jewelry for their birthday? Not even comfortable to call them a friend PLUS she wasn’t even close enough to him to know he had a girlfriend? If you don’t see the social ineptitude in this you are exactly the same.
I can almost guarantee you’re the “nice guy” creep.
rathlord: I’m happily married and have never bought jewelry for a coworker. I’ll let people sift out who is certainly the child here.
The187Riddler: Do you have brain damage? Nobody said you bought jewelry for a coworker, but now that you’ve said that, what made you feel the need to draw that line? Being happily married doesn’t mean you aren’t a socially awkward weirdo that doesn’t know what boundaries are.
| 14 | 1,058.142857 | |
1670657144 | 1670660672 | t3_zhm06a | t5_2to41 | 2 | XPJaY312: TIFU by talking to much with the girl I like
So, I (m16) just finished a long text convo with my crush (f16) and the way it went down was less then ideal. So, first a little context. I’ve been talking with this girl since the beginning of the summer. Initially it was friendly conversation, but eventually I f developed feelings. We talked and talked, and the more we talked and got comfortable with each other, the more flirty we got. It came to my attention that she also had “feelings” for me. Over time, we got closer and closer, we even sorta ended up dating, but that lasted very, very short before she ended it saying she wasn’t ready. We kept talking, and got back into a similar situation as just before we “dated”. She was like, on and off with me, being like, “oh I like you, but I’m so unsure” or “I want to try to make things work, but I can’t see that happening”. She would always make it look like nothing would happen between us, but at the same time make it look like she did want something. Well, today (30 minutes to an hour ago) we started chatting. It started off as regular friend chat, how’s your day etc. but then we got flirty, and I started asking questions about us. What ended up happening was her admitting that she doesn’t like me romantically, and that she liked being friends. No problem, except for the fact that she’d been playing with my feelings and leading me on for the past 6 months. She then doubled down and told me she had feelings for my best friend, which pissed me off not because she like my best friend and was basically homie hopping, but because I was afraid she’d do to him what she did to me. Im thinking to myself now that I would have been better off not trying to pursue this kind of conversation, I just wish that i didn’t know about how she felt. I’d rather have been oblivious to everything like before then know the truth. I feel like total shit, and im considering self harm.
TLDR: I was led on by a girl for the past 6 months and she likes my best friend and I want to hurt myself.
cantnameguzy: Fuck her. She did this on porpuse, just cut all ties if possible. Tell her how much it hurt you and talk to your homie before she does. She is not worth your time let her know that.
XPJaY312: I don’t think that’s the case. She said she felt bad for doing this and wanted to stay friends, but I’m not sure if I can trust her.
cantnameguzy: Yeah, she might feel bad but this friendship will always hurt you. Cut ties not because she is a bad person but because to get away from her and concentrate on you. And talk to your homie. How would you feel when they get together? Its harder to have this talk when they are already partners.
| 4 | 0.5 | |
1671571174 | 1671651225 | t3_zr00qo | t5_2to41 | 115 | [deleted]: TIFU by f*cking my ex
[deleted]
rfgchief: What is afab nb?
OffusMax: Assigned Female At Birth Non-Binary.
Basically a vagina owner who doesn’t consider themselves wholly female.
I don’t pretend to understand the second half of that but I’m from a time when there were only 2 sexes.
slimzimm: There are still only 2 sexes excluding the rare intersex genetic differences, but there are as many genders as we collectively want to assign.
rmg418: Exactly. Sex and gender aren’t the same.
Good_Smile: People have too much freedom these days
| 6 | 19.166667 | |
1669929645 | 1670020452 | t3_za06l2 | t5_2to41 | 1,366 | NorthernWhittle: TIFU by wearing my engagement ring
Background: I refer to my now fiancé as my husband mainly for simplicity. We have lived together for over 3 years, share finances, dogs, are each other's medical contacts and beneficiaries on all financial items. In effect we have a marriage without the piece of paper and it confuses people less when I refer to him that way.
My fiancé has been trying to propose to me for the past 3 years. He has had at least 4 different attempts but at each attempt I have something happen that fucks it up. We had picked out my engagement ring about 3 1/2 years ago and we had gotten my ring sized and everything at that point, this is important later on. I didn't know when the proposal was happening but we were serious enough at that point that I knew it was. However, and I know this is some nonsense on my part everytime we took a step forward in commiting to each other my abandonment and commitment issues would resurface. My fiance was always patient and would sit with me through multiple anxiety and panic attacks on things like our first home purchase, our first dog, our first car...etc.
For the first proposal attempt he booked a romantic getaway in the mountains for the two of us it was very well thought out and soo romantic. Unfortunately at that point I had pretty bad abandonment and commitment issues, as soon as I was suspicious that he was proposing I had a several day anxiety and panic attack. Long story short, he didn't propose then but we did decide to move in to "test" things.
For attempts 2-4 he would always try to appeal to my outdoorsie side and would take me back country camping or hiking. At this point I trusted him implicitly and had dealt with my issues. I desperately wanted to have our ring on my finger more than anything because of what it meant for us to have over come those psychological hurdles. Now on each of those occasions something would always go wrong, I would get injured, accidentally pee myself due to a bad latrine setup, and chronic aura migraine flair-ups. All things he later claimed were not the way he wanted his proposal to go, even if he had been able to salvage the trip after that. This man never gave up!
Now for his final attempt he decided he was done playing around. He jedi mind tricked me to agreeing to travel to Cozumel on a week long all inclusive vacation to relax as our first post COVID vacation. Seeing his enthusiasm made me agree even though I HATE traveling.
After an eventful first 3 days on the island, my darling, patient beaut of a man proposed. Obviously I said YES!!! We put the ring on my finger and took some great pictures, after a couple of hours I called my family and showed them my finger and told them our proposal story. Now because this is Cozumel and it is very humid couples proposing here typically dont get their ring sized until after they get back home - because the humidity makes you SWELL! Well we didn't know that, my previously sized ring all of sudden was too small for my rapidly fattening finger. I was so excited and refused to acknowledge the swelling until it was too late and the ring could not be easily removed.
Over the next 24hrs my man and I freaked out over how to get it off. Each attempt more painful than the last. We tried the string method, oil method, hand in water for so long it becomes wrinkly method. NOTHING WORKED. We finally gave in and called the paramedic at 3AM and he informed us that if my finger's circulation was cut off for too long I could lose my finger and the best option before it got to that point would be to cut off the ring. I could not stomach that and since I hadn't yet lost circulation and finger was primarily irritated and swollen I figured I could make it until we got back home. The significance of that ring for us was worth me putting up with a bit more pain until we got on a plane in two days' time. Well boy was that a mistake! Today when we returned from one of our excursions my finger was so swollen and painful that I just could not handle it. We finally just gave in and called the paramedics - que one of the most painful experiences of my life! We used the string method over sections of my finger with LOTS of pressure and maneuvering. My fiance had to hold me down while I screamed in pain as the paramedic strategically cut off circulation to parts of my finger - but it finally came off, best $1,400 pesos + $20USD tip ever spent!
My finger is still swollen as hell and super painful but will be healed in a day or two. My ring is intact and once again I learned how patient and loving my partner is. Would I do it again ...no way in hell!!! Next all inclusive wedding bands, engagement rings and jewlery are staying locked up at home in a safe.
TLDR: After multiple failed attempts at proposing my finace proposed in Cozumel. I fucked up by being over excited to wear my ring, even though the humidity caused my fingers to swell, and refusing medical removal because I was afraid it would end in my ring being cut off. Finally agreed to extremely painful ring removal.
ladyinblue5: Your fiancé has the patience of a saint. You know you can just get engaged lying in bed or over a home cooked meal, right?
llilaq: We got engaged in the car. My goodness..
DirtyWeePandaHo: I got engaged during an argument 🤦🏻♀️🤣🤣🤣 apparently he had plans to do it at xmas but chickened out, got engaged mid jan 2021
llilaq: It's important that you are able to argue well with your partner! If you still got engaged in the middle of an argument, you must be a pretty good match :).
DirtyWeePandaHo: Im hoping so, our babys due in march lol
| 6 | 227.666667 | |
1671869618 | 1671997939 | t3_zu5bj1 | t5_2to41 | 1,530 | Foreign-Tomatillo197: TIFU by overdrinking on my birthday
So I (21M) was celebrating my birthday yesterday at a bar and apparently I am a super lightweight because I was flirting and drinking and literally four cups of beer later and I’m out cold.
I remember nothing except this morning at like 2 o’clock I briefly woke up to a girl kissing my face and I was on the couch in some small apartment and I passed out again before waking up to this girl on top of me…..without a condom.
I quickly ran out of there with the nastiest headache imaginable and I called my friend Brenda (24F) to pick me up. She did so and took care of my monster hangover for a few hours before it got less bad. I got a text from said girl like five minutes ago as I apparently got her number. I still don’t know who she is.
TL;DR: I overdrank and woke up under a random girl
EDIT: I talked with my doctor and the antidepressants I take are most likely what caused me to black out. I got a drug test so I’ll know for certain soon. Still talking through STI and SA stuff.
respectfulpanda: 4 cups, or 4 pints? Blackout drunk off 4 beer is unusual.
Are you taking any medication?
Did you go with friends? What do they recall?
Completely possible you were drugged, and then raped.
It's also completely possible you had a drug interaction.
Foreign-Tomatillo197: I took pain meds for a while for a huge burn on my stomach, but I stopped two days ago, could it have still been lingering in me?
Bridge-Terrible: not likely but even if so she still took advantage of you. you didn't do anything wrong. this isn't your fuck up,
jj-the-best-failture: I think the girl was also drunk not his level but still drunk.
Bridge-Terrible: What does that have to do with anything?
jj-the-best-failture: If shes drunk and fuck another drunk guy?
Bridge-Terrible: You're conveniently leaving out some details there aren't ya?
And also adding assumptions that she was drunk. Weird thing to defend rape dude. Get outta here
jj-the-best-failture: Did I miss a detail because I don’t think the assumption she was also drunk is too wild.
hur_dur_dur: Rape is rape, drunk or not. It makes 0 difference.
jj-the-best-failture: I thought his drunk self was ok with it but he forgot everything about that night and woke up confused under this girl.
hur_dur_dur: From what OP has said it was not consensual. This would make it rape.
I’m not entirely sure how it would go down if it happened that someone else spiked OP and this girl happened to be the unlucky one that slept with him but realistically she shouldn’t have been trying anything like this with a guy she just met as that’s very grey territory at best.
Consensual non consent is best discussed with a partner before that is thrown out there.
jj-the-best-failture: I was kinda naive because I didn’t really thought his drink was spiked. My Idea was a mix of can’t handle Alkohol, the medical drugs he takes and him just forgetting that he drank more than 4 beer
hur_dur_dur: It’s entirely possible that OP maybe had more than 4 or the meds hadn’t fully left his system or harmed his liver, I’m not a doctor so don’t know the ins and outs but taking what OP has said at face value I’d say it was rape.
I’m sure there is more to it however I don’t know what.
jj-the-best-failture: I did not read many other comments did he write something I should know before saying things I probably don’t understand.
But my thinking prozess was he flirts and drinks, gets way to drunk, the girl wich he may have flirted for a while also drank to much, they end in bed. But this way of thinking gets demolished if he got spiked.
meowsalynne: even without spiking a drink she would still be in the wrong here. Let me give you an example:
You and I go to the bar together we are both of drinking age. All night we go shot for shot drink for drink. By the end of the night we’re very drunk, however, I insist I’m fine and can drive. You are also drunk so this sounds like a great idea!! You jump in my car, buckle up, and hit the road. Would have made this decision if you were sober? I know I wouldn’t but because you’re impaired it doesn’t sound like a bad idea at all! Sound judgment isn’t something drunk people are known for, which makes them more vulnerable to sexual assault.
In addition, alcohol is the main tool used in sexual assault especially on college campuses because it is legal if you’re 21 and widely accepted & available.
Uh oh…. The police notice something is up and pull us over. Now, both of us were drunk and made the consensual decision to get in the car but only I made the decision to drive, which is the part that is illegal. Even though both of us were drunk one of us may a reckless irresponsible decision the other did not. We should all know what someone looks like when they’re engaging in consensual conscious sex.
Source: professional experience - one widely respected resource is [RAINN](https://www.rainn.org/articles/drug-facilitated-sexual-assault)
jj-the-best-failture: In my thinking he was ok and maybe even looked forward for it but forgot everything by the time he landed under this girl. I realised that there are more scenarios with higher probabilities than my naive brain want me to think of.
| 17 | 90 | |
1671491942 | 1671572203 | t3_zq6y7s | t5_2to41 | 41 | Asteroid_Falling: TIFU by wanting to be healthy
This happened a week ago but its still on my mind. I (16) am currently on break, and last weeks I had my mid terms for AP classes. I’m also in soccer and have been trying to be healthier so I can run longer and feel better. Well, I ate a salad with a new dressing, and within an hour I have turned from my normal high school looking self to a 65 year old man. My proceeded to wait until my throat started to close to take me to the ER. So I got to the ER at 10 and I’m freaking out, I’m posting everything on my Snapchat private story for just my friends. I get an IV (saline), Epipen, and something else that was put into my IV, I proceeded to stay in the ER until 1 am. But it gets worse, the next day was my midterm for my Stats and AP english classes. I had notes to reschedule or exempt my tests completely, but despite my near death experience, I was sent to school while my eyes were still fairly closed and took my english midterm! My teachers look mortified that I came to school but I needed to take my tests. I ended up taking my stats the day after and made a 95 on my english one and a 68 on my stats one. Now I’m terrified of eating new foods and salads.
TL;DR;
I ate a salad that caused me to end up in the ER and still had to take my AP midterms that are a significant amount of my grade.
Impossible_Ad_4692: Drop the name of the dressing tho
Asteroid_Falling: Balsamic Vinaigrette
Janneske_2001: Elmo gets triggered
But fr, I hope you’re doing well and that it won’t happen again… Did the doctors tell you what you’re most likely allergic to?
Asteroid_Falling: Nope, we still don’t know :,)
| 5 | 8.2 | |
1669931459 | 1669988222 | t3_za11v3 | t5_2to41 | 608 | demongibi: Tifu by not washing my face after shaving.
This unforgettable thing happened yesterday.
A day off, time for myself. Decided to listen some music in the bathroom while doing the manly maintenance. Got the bluetooth speaker. Everything was going well. Started shaving. First, some trimming with the machine. All the little beard flying around. Then came the detailed razor part. Some gel on first then slowly perfecting my old, oily and pimply face to not cause any bloodshed.
Then, a shower. Thinking and convincing myself, "aah don't bother with rinsing and making a mess here, just do it under the water"
Left my glasses outside the shower cabin to be able to wash my mud coloured long mostly white hair.
One note; without my glasses, I see nothing. Everything is blurred and I guide myself by some instinct mixed with familiarity to my surroundings.
Anyways, about 5 mins later, I felt a buzzing in the middle of my penis. Like when you have some kind of urinary tract infection. I thought to myself, "Did I get cold from somewhere" then a huge "meeeeh it's probably nothing"
But it was not. It definitely was not nothing.
I turned off the water, got my glasses and long-suffering bathrobe. I stepped out from the cabin and that buzzing feeling turned to some kind of pinning/pricking. And everything became serious.
I felt something inside my penis. Some external matter which shouldn't be inside it. I immediately guessed "oh shit is that a hair inside?"
I hold my penis just on the exact point I felt the pain. Yes, there was something and when ever I touch the part it was moving somehow.
And came the worst decision of my day. Maybe the week.
A little prior knowledge about my threshold to inevitable pain:
I had life/death surgery on my spinal cord because I wasn't even able to bend over to wash my face because my fucking bones was broken inside my body and they were chewing nerves each time I moved. I couldn't walk for two moths let alone stand alone by myself after that surgery.
I had a tumor removed from my jaw and they had to crack my bones in my face to do that. One surgeon was holding my head and the other one was trying to break them. I couldn't speak for 10 days and had 4-5 extra painkillers a day. (Hopefully the tumor was benign)
So, if I'm having an inevitable pain ride, I accept my fate.
Coming back to the decision:
"Maybe if I pee, the thing will come out."
And I peed.
And I screamed. And I really shouted at the top of my lungs.
My wife came rushing and shouting "are you okay, did you fall, ARE YOU OK!"
I was standing there, holding my penis, eyes filled with tears. My knees were shaking so bad because of the pain I had a moment ago, I leaned against the wall. I barely said "there is something in my penis"
You had to see the shock in her face. She just said "what?"
I explained my theory and said to her "I'm going to try to remove it"
But I had to make sure that I removed the hair or whatever it is. So I got the spare urinal sample box we had which was left from my son's hospital visit last month.
As it was causing so much pain, I would have so little chances to try, before peeing again I started stretching my penis slowly to the tip. I felt it moving and accepted it a good omen.
I drank so much water to pee, I became extremely afraid of the inevitable pain. I wouldn't be able to hold myself if I needed to pee and if I was doing the wrong thing it wouldn't cause anything but pain.
Sample box on my left hand, my penis on my right (choking it to keep pee inside) half an hour later of agony filled peeing, I screamed once more with tears. "It's OUT!"
It maybe disgusting to see some pee and a hair inside, but I had to do it for my personal history: [https://imgur.com/a/pALN0Zu](https://imgur.com/a/pALN0Zu)
TL;DR : I didn't rinse my soapy face after shaving and went directly to shower. A freshly cut white half centimeter hair got into my penis and made me cry from pain when I tried to pee. I got it out in half an hour by moving it slowly out of my penis and peeing.
anhangera: New fear unlocked
Caveman108: For once I’m actually glad to have a retractable penis.
kuningasarmas: A what?
mrdeate: Non circumcised
kuningasarmas: Oh that makes sense, in my head i imagined that the whole dick is retractable.
Lucky_Gamer3495: If you are on the extreme grower side... it really is fully retractable
Omnizoom: Just need to coax it out
| 8 | 76 | |
1671879164 | 1671932737 | t3_zu7jgv | t5_2to41 | 48 | Omikapsi: TIFU by ruining Christmas for my wife.
[removed]
Orbiti_nats: What makes this person your wife and not your husband or something else?
Omikapsi: That is zir preferred label in our relationship. Out of respect for zir, that's the one I use.
bkkwanderer: But what is zir?
Omikapsi: My wife.
bkkwanderer: Yes and what is zir? Like why zir? What does it mean?
throwawaypato44: Ze is like she or he. Zir is like her or his.
No_Love_1353: What does ze describe?
Wash1987-ridesagain: Why is it your, a random internet stranger, business what genitals ze has? I'm assuming that's your point.
No_Love_1353: Not at all. The thing is, with the exclusion of I, pronouns describe what the narrator is speaking of/about/to.
Ze has no context. Unlike say… “they”, which is either used to describe a plurality or an individual of unknown gender.
Wash1987-ridesagain: Ze/zir has been in use for many years. If it isn't your preference, don't use it for yourself. However, context is the basis of linguistics. You were given said context in the op. Pretending otherwise is being deliberately obtuse because you don't like zir preferred pronouns.
| 11 | 4.363636 | |
1671881458 | 1671963439 | t3_zu82is | t5_2to41 | 55 | Failp0: TIFU wanting coffee at 6am
This is happening as we speak lol. Ran out of coffee yesterday and completely forgot until I woke up at 3 am this morning. Managed to get the last 2 cups from the bottom of the container, needed a shower (I'm currently getting my ass kicked by autoimmune conditions hence my weird schedule) and wanted more coffee. Well, the gas station is right up the road so I pile my coats on and run out to the car. It's 2 degrees outside, my hair is wet, I'm sicker than a dog, what was I thinking? My car was acting weird but again, it's only 1 minute down the way ,what can go wrong? Well, here I sit at the gas station, my car won't start, it's 2 degrees and the wind is stronger than mine after eating taco bell. I can't feel my fingers, my raynaulds has kicked into high gear and my stoma (feeding tube in my stomach) is acting up. I don't want to call my poor boyfriend at 6am to come save me but I may too lol. All for coffee. Oh and I have severe gastro issues so let's hope I can keep my shit together, literally lol. I'm so dumb.
TL;DR , I'm stuck at a gas station in 2 degree weather because I wanted coffee
Thank you stranger for the award. Not necessary, appreciated regardless.
Valuable-Island3015: I like to keep some instant coffee in the pantry for times like this
heyitsvonage: “You buy a jar of Folger's Crystals, you put it in the cupboard, you forget about it. Then later on when you need it, it's there. It lasts forever. It's freeze-dried. Freeze-dried crystals.”
Failp0: I really need to do this lol
| 4 | 13.75 | |
1670194177 | 1670204589 | t3_zcoj0x | t5_2to41 | 16,472 | DeaconKnight: TIFU by telling a waitress I had already beaten their "Hot wing challenge"
Obligatory this didn't happen today, but was actually a few years ago... but I'm sure you people of reddit will still be able to enjoy my pain.
So, as the title suggests, I like spicy things. I have a large collection of hot sauce at home, I have tried most of the world's super hot peppers and I've won numerous hot wing challenges. Usually I'm fine, but as I've aged occasionally I find that my stomach suffers. Nothing too extreme, but a lot of noise and sometimes a bit of ring of fire.
Cut to the day of this specific incident. I live I a medium sized city in Canada. My brother in law used to live in another city about 140 km/90 miles away... so for context (and this becomes important) about an hour and a half by car. This day in particular, we went to visit so we could drive him back to our house for the weekend.
Now, we did this pretty often. Usually when we do, we find a restaurant to grab a bite to eat before we head home. The last few times we went, we found a small pub that specialized in Buffalo wings. At the back of the menu they advertised a hot wing challenge where if you finished their hottest wings, you eat free. Without an ounce of hesitation, I ordered the challenge wings. The waitress asked, "Are you sure?" to which I replied, "I like hot foods, and I can't turn down an opportunity to eat free wings!" She laughed and got my wings. They were hot, but I had definitely eaten hotter. And so, I got my free wings. Paid for my girlfriends meal and my beer and went on my way.
In the coming months, I did this twice more. Each time, the waitress would ask "Are you sure?" Each time I would say yes. Each time I got free wings. It was wonderful.
Cut to this last time... we go to our favorite wing place. We waltz in with an air of familiarity and seat ourselves. The waitress, whom I later find out is the owner, comes to take our order. My girlfriend, daughters and brother in law all order and the waitress turns to me and asks what I'll be having. I say, "I'd like to do the hot wing challenge please!" The waitress once again asks, "Are you sure?"
This is where I fucked up. I stupidly told her, "Oh yeah! I've done this lots!" Dear reader... when you tell the owner of an establishment that you've already eaten a free meal at their place and now you're just there to fleece them out of another order of wings, they do NOT take it well. Our previously friendly waitress turns to me and coldly says, "Oh have you? Then this should be easy for you." It was not.
My wings came and everyone's eyes went wide and they leaned away from my meal. Instantly, everyone's eyes water and the waitress/owner grins a big, toothy, mirthless grin. She says, "Enjoy!" and walked away.
I cannot convey to you in mere words the pain I suffered eating these wings. I took my first bite and it was searing doom. An explosion of nuclear fire blanketed my palate, not unlike what I'm sure the people at Pompeii would have experienced during the eruption of Mount Vesuvius. My body began shivering and sweating. A river of snot and tears ran from my face. Twice I went to the washroom to cry to myself and question my life choices. Though no one expected me to finish...I endured.
When it was finally over, everyone was silent. We paid without a word, and left. In the car, my girlfriend turned to me and tentatively asked, "Are you OK?" When I just nodded in the affirmative, she asked "Are you sure?" I just looked at her, expressionless. We began our drive home.
Again, I would like to reiterate that generally I don't experience much in the way of after effects from spicy foods. This was different though. I could feel the burn in my esophagus still, right down to my stomach. And my stomach was getting worse. I was getting bloated and uncomfortable. About a half hour into this hour and a half drive is becoming increasingly uncomfortable to the point where I'm shifting uncomfortably in the driver's seat. My girlfriend again asks if I'm OK. I tell her, "Something is off." She suggested stopping to use the bathroom, which I declined...I wasn't sure what was going to happen, and I felt like it had best be at home when it did instead of some filthy gas station restroom.
An hour into the drive and this discomfort is full on pain. Bad pain. I step on the gas, blowing well past the speed limit. I didn't care...I just needed to get home. My stomach had decided that it was no longer going to house these abominations and one way or the other, they were coming out.
When we finally got there, I put the car in park and ran to the front door. I fumbled with my keys while everyone else got out of the car. The door finally opened and I vaulted up the stairs four at a time while simultaneously undoing my pants. It was a race to the toilet- and I was losing. Just as I got to the bathroom it happened. I got the door mostly closed before a violent spray erupted from my asshole, painting the back of the door and the floor. To minimize the splash zone, I made an executive decision... the bathtub instead of the toilet.
I launched myself into the tub, and started doing my best to get my clothes off. All the while, I'm violently shitting and throwing up all over myself. My girlfriend, god love her, came upstairs and, with a look of absolute disgust at my vile bodily expulsions, took my dirty clothes away and cleaned the door, walls and floor.
She came back upstairs after starting the laundry and turned the shower on to my battered, burning body. I was cowering in the fetal position as the warm water hit me, still amazed at the lashback a pound of spicy Buffalo wings was able to put forth. She asked me in a sweet voice if I had learned my lesson. I feebly replied, "Yes." I lied.
TLDR; I thought I could handle some hot wings, only to have the chef create something insanely hotter than expected and ended up destroying my bathroom.
Addendum post edit: The place was called "Tammy's Queen of Wings" in North Bay... and it was 100% my own fault. My ego got the best of me. They do make you sign a small waiver, and it's just the wings and any non-alcoholic beverages the wing eater orders that come free. Everyone else's food has to be paid for.
Second addendum: Whoa... this got a lot of traction! A few more answers, for those who are curious. The restaurant in question is closed permanently... which sucks, because spicy or not the wings were pretty good. I didn't suffer any long term ill effects, and I don't have an ulcer (thank God!). We're in no rush to get married, but still kinda like each other's faces.
... And lastly, this was NOT the last time it happened 😉
horrifyingthought: " Though no one expected me to finish...**I endured**. When it was finally over, everyone was silent. **We paid**"
... Why did you pay if you successfully ate the wings?
Where was the liability waiver for heat clearly designed to destroy your gut?
I sense plot holes.
PeaceLoveNavi: Why would you think everyone's food would be free? There's really not any plot holes if you read the whole story properly.
horrifyingthought: Because I have several such places near me, and they all offer something ungodly but the whole party will eat free if you succeed.
PeaceLoveNavi: Then you must have missed like the entire fourth paragraph where he states that if you finish it, "YOU eat free" and said he paid for his girlfriends food and his beer, indicating that it's not one of those places.
horrifyingthought: "You" could have multiple possible meanings. Is it specific, or general? It was not specified.
PeaceLoveNavi: Except it was. Where he said he paid for his girlfriends meal. And later on when he said "I got free wings." Spend more time reading and less time trying to pick apart people's stories and you might be less confused. Reading comprehension is your friend.
horrifyingthought: lol Reading comprehension is essentially my job title. Which is why I pointed out this one has holes. You don't have to like it, but that really changes nothing.
For instance, he never said he paid for his girlfriend's meal. He said " We paid without a word, and left." Not that does not imply just the girlfriend's meal. Nor does it imply HE paid... For the person talking about reading comprehension, you sure make a lot of unsupported assumptions :P
PeaceLoveNavi: Dude. Read the last sentence of the fourth paragraph, it literally says "paid for my girlfriends meal and my beer." Don't double down on this. Learn to read better lmfao.
horrifyingthought: Lol that was added as part of the addendum actually. Which now that OP is clarified things can be clear, but talking about an edit made after my comment (and possibly in response to the issues raised by my comment because it was so spot on) is hardly the same thing as not reading :P
I find your anger amusing.
PeaceLoveNavi: I find your ability to ignore obvious context clues and double down on being wrong amusing. I'm not angry, you must be projecting because I pointed out that you sound stupid as hell right now for someone who apparently specializes in reading comprehension. I had to tell you three whole times to reread the fourth paragraph for the context you claim wasn't there.
horrifyingthought: Guess I must be stupid as hell :P
PeaceLoveNavi: Yes, now you're getting it. People who replied to you right after you posted your comment are literally saying the same thing I am about how OP clearly states he paid for his girlfriends meal. It wasn't edited after your comment because you poked holes in his story.
horrifyingthought: Just because they made the same assumptions you did? Uh huh. :P
PeaceLoveNavi: No, cause they actually have reading comprehension and READ THE FOURTH PARAGRAPH. It's right fucking there lmfao. Man, you must be terrible at your job.
horrifyingthought: What paragraph is that?
PeaceLoveNavi: Is this a KFC ad for the double down? I didn't know they brought that shit back.
horrifyingthought: I am serious, I am not sure I caught what you said. What paragraph are you talking about? Why won't you take this seriously!?!
PeaceLoveNavi: I'm serious too, honey. Did I get teleported 12 years in the past to an old timey KFC? Where's my Pepsi and fried chicken? Can you give me fries with that?
horrifyingthought: I have no idea what this has to do with KFC. But I would very much like you to tell me about that paragraph you were mentioning.
| 20 | 823.6 | |
1665501952 | 1671927779 | t3_y1bwoj | t5_2to41 | 6 | LatterTowel9403: TIFU by trying to do something hot to spice up our sex life.
[removed]
Chemical_Nerve7856: How did you fuck up?
LatterTowel9403: It was awful. I fucked up because I talked him into doing something I thought would be sexy as hell and it was a nightmare lol..
Chemical_Nerve7856: What was it?
LatterTowel9403: I don’t know what you are asking
| 5 | 1.2 | |
1671885532 | 1671889157 | t3_zu91gk | t5_2to41 | 13 | [deleted]: TIFU by giving my younger than me boss a blowjob
[deleted]
redyekim: Be careful. Could lose your job and your mate.
Doan_meister: Should
redyekim: Yes, the two are interchangeable
| 4 | 3.25 | |
1669939641 | 1669946329 | t3_za4ul4 | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU by not wearing underwear at the gym
[deleted]
TheDrummerMB: oof karma farm yikes lmao check OPs account
cryhatesxai: ?? im a new user lol
TheRealReapz: Yes you're a new karma farmer
| 4 | 1.25 | |
1669940315 | 1670004137 | t3_za54rh | t5_2to41 | 110 | Dangerous_Mammoth572: TIFU by forgetting to put away the condom wrapper and lube.
So I (18f) and my older brother (23m) were going to be home alone for couple of days. My brother lives in a type of small apartment attached to the house, so I knew I was basically going to be home alone. I asked my parents if my boyfriend (18m) could stay over and they said yes. We’re a couple like any other and we have sex, apparently not very stealthy🫣.We had quite a lot of it and because i’m not currently on any contraceptives we used condoms. My boyfriend left a couple of hours before my parents came home. But when they did come home the first thing they did was walk up to my room to say hi. My dad opened the door and stopped he looked at me weirdly turned around with my mom and closed the door. At first I was confused but then I saw it.. I had forgotten like 5 condom wrappers and the bottle of lube, which had less then half left on my nightstand.
I think my dad was a bit in shock. But after the initial shock it ended up becoming a joke. My brother even told me he wasn’t that shocked as he heard the bed when he came in for food once. My family is pretty open but that wasn’t something I planned on them seeing haha.
TL;DR my parents saw my lube and condom wrappers after my boyfriend left
Sorry for any spelling mistakes English isn’t my first language.
IntroductionTrue5006: >So I (18f) and my older brother (21m) were going to be home alone
I wasn't the only one who thought this right?
Dangerous_Mammoth572: Oh my god you naughty people hahahahahah
IntroductionTrue5006: I thought this was a porn video description for a second
Dangerous_Mammoth572: Oh no🫣🫣🫣 i didnt Even think like that hahahha
President_Calhoun: Reminds me of when a friend of mine said, "My parents will probably move into a smaller house after my brother and I get married." After she heard the giggles, she said, "*Not to each other!!*" 
| 6 | 18.333333 | |
1671409056 | 1671477128 | t3_zpcp3g | t5_2to41 | 6,400 | GoldieWilson2H67820: TIFU by telling my parents my salary.
I (35) grew up in a low income household (one parent as a teacher and the other a part time bank teller) in the rural south. Over the past decade or so, we’ve had a lot of discussion about privilege and injustices in the system, you know, easy conversation (/s).
In short, a week ago, they were defending trickle down economics (annnnny day now🤞) and I took the position on how $15/hr for minimum wage should be just that: minimum. And with that context, I was explaining how I just got to 6 figures as my annual salary and I was super proud of myself bc I worked my ass off to get to this position. I also know I make above avg income and I just recently got away from living paycheck to paycheck.
Welp, since that conversation, my dad keeps making snide remarks. For example: We were grocery shopping and I wanted to make garlic bread and he pointed to the French bread and I grabbed the one that comes pre-made and just pop in the oven. His remark was “Oh I forget you can buy things on a whim since you’re rich now.”
Neat 👍🏻
TL;DR: I mentioned my new salary and my dad makes snide remarks.
[deleted]: That must be super frustrating for you, considering you mentioned how hard you worked to earn your salary.
However, that being said, I do not support buying premade garlic bread. You should be ashamed.
GoldieWilson2H67820: It was a choice of convenience, I swear! We had been working all day so I was going to make dinner as a thank you and I was cutting corners to save time/effort
WingsofRain: don’t listen to that person OP, all garlic bread is valid simply on the grounds that it’s garlic bread
fishmcbitez: Imagine gatekeeping garlic bread. If they remember to out garlic on the bread its probabky pretty good.
Keating76: Bought premade garlic bread one day (the one that’s a French bread, split down the middle, buttered and placed in a foil paper bag… NOT the buttered/sliced ‘Texas toast’ in plastic bag)
And when I got it home and took it out, it was just a sliced loaf in the bag. No garlic butter. Dry. White. French bread.
sakujakira: TIL: US American call Baguette “French bread”.
Keating76: Not American, and also not referring to baguette.
sakujakira: Okay, Google and the [Cambridge Dictionary](https://dictionary.cambridge.org/de/worterbuch/englisch/french-bread) says otherwise, so what is it, you are referring to as "French Bread"?
Keating76: Weird. The French only have one shape of bread?
| 10 | 640 | |
1671891006 | 1671991480 | t3_zuakex | t5_2to41 | 549 | Spanish_peanuts: TIFU by leaving my door open to run out and grab my mail in this obnoxious storm
So ya, I left the door open. Mailbox is along the front sidewalk, not at my door. It's fucking cold and windy, ain't nobody got time for no closing and opening door shenanigans. Out and in, 5 second adventure. Well while my back was turned, some miscreant decided to play the home invasion game and flew in there without me noticing. This is the only time a door has been opened without my eyes on it and is thus the only time it could've happened.
Cue evening. This little shit didn't make a peep for the past couple hours since then. I'm full engulfed beneath my big snuggly covers, watching season 4 of Titans now that I've got the time (it's aight, DC comics animated shows/movies are top notch though). I hear my dog prancing around and some weird sound I can't place, so I graciously emerge from my warm cocoon to find a God damn sparrow sitting on my TV with an expression I can only imagine means "So like, you got some bread fam?"
Naturally, I make deep grunting noises, clap my hands, and try to scare it out of my bedroom. It didn't work. So I run out to the next room where the door leading to the back yard is. I open both the door and the window and go cover the other direction. It was dark outside, I don't have a light in that room and I left my bedroom without turning on the light so I couldn't see for shit, I heard some more flapping though. 30 minutes pass and I haven't heard a peep or a beat and so I'm feeling mission success vibes. I go back to bed, didn't hear a sound for an hour before falling asleep.
Next morning, I'm awake doing my usual Saturday/no work routine of not shit. I'm awake 4 hours, watching more Titans and I hear it. Captain Jack is back and he was sleeping behind my fucking headboard. So I do what any brave, courageous man such as myself would do in this trying time, I hide under my sheets and wait for it to leave. I'm not about to get fucking pecked and shit on in my own bed, are you crazy?
It was then I realized that Captain Jack is apparently my spirit animal as he flew straight to the bathroom. I close my bedroom door behind me and open the back door. At this moment it goes to the kitchen. Muh fucker sleeps under my bed, shits in my bathroom, and now it wants to steal my bread? The disrespect. The gall of this bird. I close the bathroom. Now it's just him, me, and one escape. Cue chicken run music as I run circles around the house chasing this fucking bird like a lunatic. Finally it leaves and I saw it leave as I had all the lights on and it was day time.
TL;DR Captain Jack the Sparrow got in my house, slept under my bed, shit in my bathroom, and tried to jack my bread. The disrespect was immeasurable so I ran him out my house like a chicken.
Edit: Queue -> Cue cause I'm a dummy head.
Slabdabhussein: Literary Drivel
Spanish_peanuts: I'm going to spend at least 20 minutes thinking about how I've failed you, promise myself I'll never fail you again knowing full well that I will, and then heat up some pizza rolls because I'm still watching Titans season 4.
Slabdabhussein: And then everyone clapped.
Take your Meds Anon.
Spanish_peanuts: Can only imagine how rough Christmas must be going for you to be in here being rude to strangers for no reason. Hope things turn around for ya.
Slabdabhussein: You: 68 words,Me: \*10 words.
\*16 now for the anally retentive.
In all seriousness as to my Christmas, well my mom died unexpectedly on the 14th of November so i am working my best to process her passing.
I am being barred from accessing my moms private estate by her ex boyfriend and to boot he defrauded about 4500$ from gofundme to help for the costs of my moms celebration and cremation.
Recently he called the police on me over "threatening behaviour" though i have zero history of conflict with him having known him for over a decade, part of me wonders if he is genuinely afraid or just abusing the legal system to attempt to coerce me into being quite, one will truly never know \*shrug\*.
Ultimately as it stands i am wrapping up gifts for my sister and my niece's and nephew as-well as getting my gifts ready for my girlfriend while enjoying some drum and bass and beers.
I have a fat grip of hash rosin i just grabbed from Gary In the Garden and also have a fresh harvest of Silky Plums by terpcrusher and Gods Pink Kush from Jordan of the Islands in the freezer ready to make fresh frozen bubble hash.
To boot i have a beautiful garden just entering it's first week of 12/12 lighting cycle which will make some beautiful fresh frozen hash rosin in the future.
So honestly friendo while life could certainly be better nowhere would i say i feel down and or bad bud, maybe you quantify your life by such petty measures but for myself i feel fairly good all said and done.
Wish you the best in life and for reference maybe consider not letting snide comments derail you core being so badly you need to write multiple paragraphs over such a small comment.
Cheers and happy new years.
Also, *Are they in the room with us* right now anon?
HairyEarphone: You seem like a barrel of laughs.
Spanish_peanuts: Their point about themselves using less words than me as if my anger is depicted by the amount of words I type and then typing out an essay really got me good.
Edit: Why does this dude keep calling me anon?
Slabdabhussein: 
maybe take a masterclass in ironic shitposting anon.
Merry Christmas dude.
| 9 | 61 | |
1671892289 | 1671918642 | t3_zuayk9 | t5_2to41 | 87 | scruffyfatguy: TIFU by asking about my wife's dog
Background, me(40M) and my wife(44F) have been together almost 17 years, married 16, 3 teenage kids. Love at first sight kinda thing.
A favorite story of ours is that she used her chihuahua Tinkerbell(pre Pris Hilton fyi) as a barometer to Guage people. If her dog didn't like you, she probably wouldn't like you either.
Tink used to bark at all her exes and strangers, only liked a handful of good people. The night we met, she brought me home, and she warned me about the dog before we entered. I went in and sat on the couch and Tink crawled up in my lap, demanding pets and nuzzling all over me as my now wife's jaw hit the floor.
I pretty much never left. Moved in 3 weeks later and we're pregnant 5 months after meeting (whoops!)
Talking this morning(Christmas eve) I stupidly asked my wife if tink hadn't liked me, would our lives be different? She said yes, I wouldn't have been allowed back.
Wouldn't have fallen in love, wouldn't have had kids, wouldn't have gotten married...kinda butthurt over this, but thank God Tinkerbell deemed me a good dude.
TL:DR asked my wife of 17 years about her dog and found out we wouldn't have been together if her dog who hated everyone didn't like me.
Bubbagumpredditor: Look, if the dog hadn't liked you it would have been because you're an asshole and none of that stuff would have happened anyway.
BroccoliPrince: Honestly, people underestimate the intuition of animals. Plus, even discounting that, animals are often a good barometer for checking a person's... I dunno, understanding of boundaries and consent.
Most (domestic) animals enjoy company, they enjoy the company of humans, but they have limits - they don't want to be pet a certain way and will snap if you ignore their warnings, or they don't like being snuck up on, whatever. The people they dislike are the people who refuse to learn to read their cues, and the people they like are the ones who make an effort to interact on their level. If a person can't get along with domestic animals, I usually take that as a red flag.
Outrageous_Cod2194: You are overestimating it.
BroccoliPrince: Oops, replied the wrong thing to the wrong comment.
I'm actually not. Animals are a good barometer for a variety of reasons, only some of which were mentioned in my original comment. They respond to kindness, respect, and consideration, which are traits I personally value, and therefore a domestic animal's response to a person is something I'm generally inclined to trust. Maybe you value different things.
Outrageous_Cod2194: Science doesnt back up your claims.
Google: "Kluger Hans" its a story about overestimating animals
SmartForASimpelton: Bro what is your point?
The exact reason why it was able to do this was because it was incredibly good at reading people
Outrageous_Cod2194: Yeah, but it isnt smart, thats my point
We see what we want to see in animals
SmartForASimpelton: Dont need to be smart to have good instincts
| 9 | 9.666667 | |
1671894455 | 1671923405 | t3_zubmqq | t5_2to41 | 156 | Waldo233: TIFU by not knowing what wrapping paper should look like.
So I (M22) am home for Christmas, being the procrastinator I always am I found myself with no presents wrapped the day before Christmas. I decided to finally just get it done this morning while everyone else was in town getting last minute Christmas bits.
A couple of days ago I spotted a load of wrapping paper in our garage, so I got everything I needed and wrapped all my presents. I've never been any good at wrapping presents and this wrapping paper was quite thick. So the whole process took me longer than I was happy with but it was finally done.
I then bring all the presents down and put them under the tree, all happy. About an hour later my (M29) brother is looking to wrap presents himself so I give him all the wrapping stuff I had been using. He comes back 10 minutes later looking very confused and asking if what I gave him was wrapping paper.
Upon seeing this my Mum laughed and said no it was in fact wallpaper and had a little laugh at him. That quickly ended when I tell her that I already had wrapped my presents using that "wrapping paper" . This of course resulted in everyone having a good laugh at me, now I can always have lugh at myself so that I didn't care about. The fuck up though is that apparently this was expensive wallpaper, so now I have to pay my Mum back. So I have to spend more money for wrapping present I have already purchased for everyone, so my Christmas expenses have just gone up drastically.
I wish it ended there, my brother decided it was funny enough to put on twitter and apparently it's taken off. Based on most of the replies as well most people think it was a mistake made by a child. It'll take a while for me to live this one down
tldr: Wrapped presents in expensive wallpaper thinking it was wrapping paper, now I have to pay it back.
bowlofjello: I’m always surprised people never ask before using something at someone else’s house.
“Hey mom can I use the wrapping paper in the garage?”
“Oh that’s not wrapping paper. That’s wallpaper. The wrapping paper is in the closet.”
“Oh okay thanks!”
Waldo233: It's wrapping paper in the home I grew up in, I didn't think it warranted a discussion to use it.
vrenak: Wrapping paper for xmas usually have xmassy colours and/or motifs, wall paper usually doesn't, and did you never retrieve at your home growing up before?
AgentDouble1: If you look at the tweet it does look like a pretty tame but still Christmas-like paper.
vrenak: Tweet wasn't posted when I asked though...
AgentDouble1: My comment wasn’t aggressive, I’m just saying you can look at the tweet and see the paper.
| 7 | 22.285714 | |
1669942102 | 1670044791 | t3_za5w41 | t5_2to41 | 162 | wai_bother: TIFU by almost burning down my own clock repair shop
I am a professional horologist. And a walking accident. Great combo.
So I was putting together a clock mechanism, my other half was helping me look for a very specific e-clip that belonged to the project. We swung around my magnifying lamps to shine onto the floor in an effort to find aforementioned clip. No luck. Got a replacement.
She steps outside on the phone, I’m sitting there assembling this mechanism, and I smell something burning. Probably the old lady smoking a cigarette I thought.
Damn it smells like burning plastic. Wtf lol.
Now my throat is starting to hurt. It’s kinda smoky in my clock shop.
I finally start to look around, it doesn’t make sense. I look at my mainspring winding tool. It’s smoldering. Smoke pouring off of it. I get up as I’m still not processing why a non-powered cast iron and plastic tool is spontaneously combusting.
It’s full on burning in front of me. I rotate the plastic handle/crank to see that half of it has been melted, i’m still wondering wtf is going on. Smoke pouring off still.
I finally notice that my magnified desk lamp is just beside the mainspring winder. And the evening sun is shining through the doorway, and onto the handle of the winder.
Holy shit. If I’d gone into the house for a break, i could’ve almost set my entire livelihood into both literal and proverbial flames.
I always wondered why the desk magnifying lamps had a protective flap to cover the magnifying glass. I removed all from each lamp. Now I know.
TL;DR: I almost accidentally burned down my shop, full of tools and customer property with simply a magnifying glass and the power of the sun
PunkRockSuffragette: Whenever I hear about a horologist, I remember this podcast that centered around one. I believe it was called ‘S-Town’. It was pretty good.
wai_bother: Gonna check it out today. On the road fixing grandfather clocks
PunkRockSuffragette: If you do actually check it out, let me know what you thought! If you liked it ,etc.. I wouldn’t want to recommend it to another horologist if it’s offensive,lol. But I don’t think it was. I listened to it a while ago. But I really did like it, even if my memory fails me now and then, I remember that.
I think the ending was kind of disappointing. Because I never got the closure that would happen with fiction. But that’s real life for you. But it’s a great story.
wai_bother: I listened to episodes 1-2, had me hooked! The clock stuff was fairly well thought out and accurate, some of John’s personality quirks were a bit uncanny (my fiancée was laughing through the introduction), I am pretty certain we are currently living in Shittown. I’ll post some pictures to my profile of the Christmas parade tomorrow as proof, as well as my junk pile of a shop.
Is this really a true story? I had the idea it was fictional. Just started episode #3, John died, right as we were pulling into our driveway in McKenzie Alabama.
I can’t wait to finish now!
PunkRockSuffragette: As far as I know it’s true. The fact that you mentioned Alabama is what made me think about it, plus the clock thing, I couldn’t remember what state he was in but I knew it was near there, if not Alabama. Haha.
wai_bother: It was so on point lol. Only differences between my actual life and the story is I’m not from AL (I’m the yankee from Boston), and I’m also not solving a murder. Also I don’t have dungeons under my house nor clock shop. Otherwise it’s all a little weirdly too close to reality.
If this was written in the past year I’d be checking for hidden cameras in the house, or a gonzo journalist hiding in my bushes.
Instead it’s my life imitating art. Never had heard of this before you and a couple others mentioned it. S-town. Too funny. Our friggin police office closed sometime recently. I think it was a budget issue but now wondering about the “real story” behind it all
PunkRockSuffragette: I’m from Boston too. Haha. I don’t have any clocks to repair
wai_bother: Go Sox! Can send you a pile of broken clocks if you reconsider! Also the producers of the podcast were sued by the estate of John B McLemore. It is indeed a true story. Wow. Too cool.
PunkRockSuffragette: Wow I didn’t know about the lawsuit. I just listen to something then move on. But I’m all set with the broken clocks. I have enough puzzles at home to solve.
| 10 | 16.2 | |
1671895751 | 1671945842 | t3_zuc1q3 | t5_2to41 | 13 | Competitive_Dot7146: TIFU by cheating on the girl I should have spent my life with
I would post this in AITA but I already know the answer.
So,
GF (30) and me (31) have been together 4 years now.
GF loves (or I should say loved) me like no other and tolerates my shit. Her one hard rule is no cheating.
We have a odd situation with the house we are living in and after it all settles, we planned on discussing the M word and going forward. We both don't want kids and it was not a priority.
GF is Virgin, gets IUD (birth control)and loses virginity to me around two years ago.
IUD and life stresses kill her sex drive. I am the cause of some of them stresses self admittedly.
I decided to hop on FB dating and ended up having an affair for 3 months. She did not know. The other girl I lead on and eventually told her I was moving in October and it wouldn't work out when I realized I made a mistake and tbh, I only wanted sex.
Long story short, two days ago I go out with a buddy and come home tired and left my phone on the bed. She found the text messages with the other girl in my Google voice app and woke up at 1am just looking at me and telling me she hates me. She says she's leaving and moving out right now. We talked and we're upset and she said we're done and never getting back together. She reiterated I knew her rule about cheating.
She moves all of her stuff out of the house (and i mean all of it) by three or 4am and goes up to her parents. I tried to be a decent person and helped her drive the stuff up there. I told her that this is my fault and even though I had urges I should have pushed the issue more.
I get the following text today:
"My whole life has been flipped upside down in the blink of an eye. I'm living with parent again at almost 30. In their basement I might add. I have to rethink my career now because I can't afford to live on my own with what I'm making. I'm going to start dating at some point and I have to just blindly trust that they won't do the same thing. I won't trust myself to know if they are telling me the truth because I trusted you and look how that turned out"
I know I hurt her so badly and I hope she finds closure. I fucked up. So badly. Sex was not worth losing this. I wish I could take her pain and hurt from her.
Boy did I fuck up.
TLDR: I cheated on my long term GF. She got fucked over so hard by this and it ruined her life.
Edit 1:
I got the following message. I'm happy she finally got mad to express her feelings and start to heal, but sad that she has nobody else as a support system.
I hate you so much. You were my best friend. The person I confided in. The person I talked to when upset. And now I keep texting you because I don't have anyone else that I feel I could that open with. And I do need someone to talk to. It hurts so much. You made me feel pretty and wanted when I had never felt that way before. But now I know that I'm not enough. I'll never be enough to make someone happy.
Fun-Pea-880: Usually, I'd say what about forgiveness, but you don't seem that remorseful.
Because everyone fucks up once, relationships are about trust and forgiveness. Because if you haven't effed up after 20 years with a partner, you are either something unique or walking on a tightrope the __WHOLE__ time.
Competitive_Dot7146: I am remorseful. I fucking feel horrible.
Fun-Pea-880: Do you feel horrible for getting caught? Or do you feel horrible for having sex with someone who wasn't your partner?
Competitive_Dot7146: I feel horrible for cheating. I should have never done It.
Fun-Pea-880: Then it would be best if you started showing that remorse as actions to her, and maybe she will find a way to forgive you.
Competitive_Dot7146: I have. In our dialogue of text between us so far has been better. I told her how guilty I feel and how I wish I never did it.
Fun-Pea-880: Actions speak louder than words.
Competitive_Dot7146: I've been talking to her. She has no support system and she told me the following:
I hate you so much. You were my best friend. The person I confided in. The person I talked to when upset. And now I keep texting you because I don't have anyone else that I feel I could that open with. And I do need someone to talk to. It hurts so much. You made me feel pretty and wanted when I had never felt that way before. But now I know that I'm not enough. I'll never be enough to make someone happy.
I'm trying to be there for her. Being lonely and like this is the worst thing in the world. I don't want her to hurt.
Fun-Pea-880: I'd suggest talking to a relationship therapist because you damaged someone already fragile, and it may be the only way they will recover.
Competitive_Dot7146: I'd have to talk her into the idea. I'm willing.
LTZ3: Dude - there’s people here telling you you have no chance don’t listen. If shes still texting you - still have a chance. If she was straight up ghosting that’s another story. Go get her back. Do what it takes. Offer to her that you will take therapy. And never cheat again.
zebrafromafrica: Reconciliation after infidelity is hell, I would never advise anyone to stay. It's her choice but do her a favor and stay gone. One day he will just be a bad memory rather than a constant reminder of the deepest betrayal by staying in her world.
| 13 | 1 | |
1671894085 | 1671967594 | t3_zubigu | t5_2to41 | 14 | Nekomiminya: TIFU by bringing up cult status to priest of that cult.
So, this is awkward.
During talk about Christmas and such (wanted to ensure if they celebrate that, since I know that other cults and/or religions don't) there was mention of (one cult that doesnt).
Here is issue, I brought up that I wasn't sure because both (that one) and (their cult) were both classified as cults.
So, they said they won't go into it on their phone, and now there is silence.
This is very awkward because they are really decent person, they do not proselytize, they are just a person that happens to be busy one day in week because they are priest of that cult.
I really hope I will not have our online relations ruined because of this one mention.
For context, currently I'm agnostic (not enough proof needed for myself to believe in a deity) and I just got used to not needing to step around certain issues around religious people. Both cults mentioned are firmly classified as such.
TL/DR Told a priest that his religion is a cult.
RavynRydge666: I'm full on atheist and I wouldn't call Catholicism a cult just on principle. That's super cringe.
Nekomiminya: It's not a Catholicism. It's not a denomination of any religion, I am talking about cult.
CALsHero09: Okay then. Which ones?
Nekomiminya: DMing!
derpderpdonkeypunch: There is zero fucking reason you can't just name the cult.
Edit: Hey everyone, it's Mormonism!
codismycopilot: Based on the not celebrating Christmas, I'm sort of assuming he's referring to Jehovah's Witness. Which is technically a cult, but a rather mainstream accepted one.
Even so, there's really no reason he can't name the group he's referring to.
Nekomiminya: Person I talked to is quite active online.
And no, "Not celebrating Christmas" and "Pretty weird" one was the Jehova's Witnesses. The priest is of another mainstream cult.
| 8 | 1.75 | |
1669948643 | 1670072903 | t3_za8owa | t5_2to41 | 307 | Impossible-Variety22: TIFU by falling down the stairs in front of my date
Long story short I was on a first date everything was going great even had a kiss yes it was a first date but you only live once.
Was walking down some stairs and he make me weak at my knees honestly just fell smack onto my knees and fell down about 7 steps I even did a rollie pollie, the pain was out of this world but i just laughed it off and said i was fine.
I wish I would of died there and then I was so embaressed, I cut my legs so bad the blood was insane and I also now have a lump the size of a golf ball on my foot,
I had rips in my tights I looked a right mess after that. He asked me if I was okay and was very caring but WHY DID IT HAVE TO HAPPEN THEN FOR GODS SAKE.
But he asked me on a second date probably because he felt bad for me haha
TLDR: fell down a flight of stairs in front of my date
brucebanna34: 100% endearing. Clear Win, not a fail.
Erewhynn: People falling over isn't endearing. That's [a trope that movies made you believe](https://gritdaily.com/the-clumsy-successful-woman-trope/) because lazy writers make women leads in movies and sitcoms clumsy.
Because they are worried that people will find an attractive, funny, successful woman threatening or off-putting. So "clumsiness is cute because misogyny".
stefek132: Bro, clumsiness of some degree is a part of literally *everyones* life. Can’t see anything negative about it. Regardless of gender, orientation and possible relationship status, a normal persons response to it is “hey, how can I help you? what can I do, so you’ll feel better?”. Following that train of thought, it might be an opportunity to get closer and thus “endearing”. Gtfo with our movie theory and develop some empathy.
Erewhynn: Bro OP is fine bro. She's on a second date and laughing about it on TIFU. Happy for her, sorry that she fell #empathy
I just don't want people recycling bad TV & movie tropes as wisdom. "Lol girl fall over she cute lol" is not a smart take.
If you don't like that you can gtfo yourself, "bro"
stefek132: So let me get this straight and maybe spell out the situation . OP is embarrassed, even though nothing really bad happened. Someone says something positive about the situation, so OP doesn’t worry as much and all you can think about is “ClUmSiNeSs NoT bEiNg a TeRrIbLe ThInG iS a HoLlYwOoD tRoPe”. That’s not a smart take.
Idk if you just have zero feeling for the context or you just straight up have to shove your opinion into people’s throats, even when it’s totally unrelated.
Erewhynn: Probably zero feeling for the context, I got something different from it. Well, I'll take my downvotes like an Internet chump and accept a slice of humble pie from you on the side. Have a good weekend.
stefek132: Also don’t get me wrong. I get what you’re saying and that’s probably a thing. Its just not really fitting to this situation at all. Also sorry for sounding so offensive before, definitely didn’t mean to. I guess I had a bad day yesterday. A nice weekend to you, too.
| 8 | 38.375 | |
1669949214 | 1670000423 | t3_za8xjz | t5_2to41 | 3 | tr0waway18101996: TIFU by agreeing to do an truth and dare game with my friends
Trow away because i stil dont know wat to do or say
Btw English is my second language sorry for the bad grammer
Last weekend me (26 m) and my girlfriend (23 f) and our friends (all mid 20, 3 guys/ 3 girls)had an weekend of partying where we played our own version of thruth and dare.
With this game it was inplied that if everybody was game it could lead to adult action.
Me and my girlfriend talked about it before and we both wanted it initially
Eventually it came to the adult section and i had an massieve meltdown where i realised i have serious feelings for my girlfriend and get very yealous if someone touches her, and i have zero sexual disire to touch any of the other friends
Everybody was very supportive of my dicision to stop before it became sexual and very understanding towards me
But afterwards i keep feeling yealous towards mij best friend for kissing my girlfriend and angry towards myself for letting it get this far
Now the past couple of days i have been thinking about leaving town for a couple of days without letting anybody know where i am to clear mij head
Also my best friend is wanting to talk about last weekend without my girlfriend pressent where i suspect het tells me he has slight feelings for my girlfriend
I feel so stupid that i didn't know my own feelings until it was to late
And now one night can cause the friendgroep to fall apart
My friendship with my best friend to end after almost 15 years
And im contsantly doubting myself in my Relationship with my girlfriend.
I feel so confused about it al
TL:DR
Game of thruth and dare almost went sexual and now i feel like its destroying my friendship with everyone involved
pinda12345: Dutch?
tr0waway18101996: Yes
pinda12345: G E K O L O N I S E E R D
| 4 | 0.75 | |
1669949039 | 1670008833 | t3_za8uy2 | t5_2to41 | 270 | Dumbdrunklittereater: TIFU by eating cat litter drunk af
I KNOW this is sooooo stupid but last week I got super drunk and had a craving for cat litter. Clean cat litter. I have anemia and I eat weird things like chalk and clay, but I didn't have any on hand so I thought cat litter would be the next best thing because well it has clay right? Anyways I got really bad abdominal pain the following day and went to the hospital and they said it was gallbladder sludge. I'm starting to think it's not and that it's just the litter that was clumping me up. I smelt like the damn glade scent using the bathroom and kept smelling "fresh" for days. Never had any problems with my gallbladder before. The smell is gone but my stomach hurts now and then. Here's to hoping I'm not dying. Thanks for listening.
TL;DR Anemic craving iron, thought cat litter would be tasty cause clay. Bad tummy pain, hospital trip, "gallbladder sludge" might be litter clumps. Idfk.
Karmaisnot_anoption: There’s a disorder called Pica, it’s when people eat non food items like clay, dirt, paint, etc. you could have some kind of mineral or vitamin deficiency. I would strongly Recommend you see your primary doctor and get some blood done and have everything checked out.
You have to be honest with your doctors and tell them exactly what you’re doing so they know how to help you.
aghzombies: They've literally said they're anemic
Karmaisnot_anoption: Ok and if they’re anemic it means they’re low on iron but that shouldn’t make them want to eat clay. My daughter was anemic and went on prescription iron pills and she never had the desire to want to eat clay. Obviously there is something else going on other than being anemic.
They need to go to their physician, be honest with them and tell them what they’re eating and let them run tests. They can be doing severe damage to themselves and have to go through more painful testing and procedures in the future by not taking care of it now.
bonzi5650: Not really true at all. I have chronic anemia and that's the sole reason I crave and eat ice like it's candy. Any time I get a blood transfusion the craving goes away. Used to want to eat Comet cleaner as well.
Karmaisnot_anoption: Craving and eating ice is significantly different than eating non food items like clay and dirt. The chopping on ice is what tipped me off to say something to the pediatrician about my daughter.
That sucks that you have to have a transfusion because of your chronic low RBC’S. Everyone reacts differently but I don’t think it’s all that common to want to eat non food items from low iron.
.
| 6 | 45 | |
1669947237 | 1669965433 | t3_za835p | t5_2to41 | 41 | [deleted]: TIFU by getting period blood on my friend’s white couch.
[deleted]
rotflolmaomgeez: I think your friend might have humiliation fetish, because I would be damn sure to take the fact that I licked someone's period off the couch to the grave.
buwefy: I find it funny... Where's the humiliation?
People should be ashamed of stealing, deceiving, lying, or having joined scientology or an MLM..
rotflolmaomgeez: What? What part of stealing, deceiving, MLM or scientology could be an erotic humiliation roleplay?
"Accidentally" eating someone's bodily fluids and admitting to it could.
| 4 | 10.25 | |
1671898373 | 1671901696 | t3_zucw1z | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by saying that I wish I was gay
[deleted]
_reversegiraffe_: What did you do that was wrong? I don't see anything.
Galaxy413: Well some people may not want to be gay because of religion or their family is against it or from the lack of rights. I don’t want to seem like I’m completely ignoring that.
_reversegiraffe_: I'm gay.. and you said or did nothing wrong.
Stop overthinking it.
| 4 | 1 | |
1669951865 | 1669957912 | t3_zaa0tr | t5_2to41 | 26 | [deleted]: TIFU by thinking a guy ghosted me
[deleted]
ImaReallyFungi: Wow you suck
[deleted]: I'm embarrassed, but it's nothing compared to the second-hand embarrassment I get from going through your comment history.
ImaReallyFungi: Right…. Lol. At the least you could have had the decency to apologize to him
[deleted]: "ImaReallyFungi" coming from someone who genuinely has nothing better to do than be negative on people's posts. My guy you are pathetic.
ImaReallyFungi: We are all pathetic. But doing that shit to him and not even coming clean about it is pretty damn terrible. I’d be willing to bet if you had slept with him and he didn’t respond you’d be the type to go as far as claiming rape just to ruin his life. You need help. And you ain’t finding it here on Reddit “my gal”
[deleted]: I said I didn't want to ruin his life, why would I potentially ruin his career over a rape allegation?? What the fuck.
ImaReallyFungi: I guess moral of the story is you suck at giving head
[deleted]: Bet it took you ages to come up with that one. Low-hanging fruit.
ImaReallyFungi: Not as low hanging as your self esteem apparently
[deleted]: You have to tell yourself you're fun, or you probably don't believe you are. Mine's not that low.
| 11 | 2.363636 | |
1671901766 | 1671916569 | t3_zuddsy | t5_2to41 | 5 | linerva: My dude, that's not "a bit" younger.
I say this as someone who went back to univerity as a graduate, but you may find it difficult to find the right level of maturity if you hang out with people barely out of their teens when you are nearly 30. You may be in the sane ourse but a lot of your owers at univ6will be on an entirely different plane when ut cones to maturity.
Maybe make more friends your age and look into dating women your age?
proboscisjoe: This sounds a bit fantastical. In the real world, adults with an age difference of seven years or more date and marry one another more frequently than you may have observed in your own life.
linerva: Adults aged say 30 and 37, sure. But there's a huge difference between 20 and 27 which often means they are at wildly different levels of maturity or life stages.
It also doesn't mean it works out well most of the time. Even if they are similar ages, people can mature differently in their early 20s. Fair to say many couples break up due to differences in maturity.
I'm not sure you understand what fantastical means 🤷♀️
Clearly it isn't working well for OP, either. I fail to see what is wrong with telling someone aged 27 to socialise with people closer to his age and maturity. Especially given that he Is having issues with how the 20 year olds act.
proboscisjoe: I’ll bite…
1) I agree that a difference exists between a gap starting at 20 and a gap starting at 30. I also believe that a gap starting at 20 is reasonable. As you say, maturities at varying ages vary from person to person. OP even revealed that he is behind his same-aged peers in mental development. If the love interest in question is relatively mature for her age, then they may have similar maturity levels. Depending on their life histories, they may have the same amount of life experience. The passing of time does not directly imply the gaining of experience.
2) You’re criticizing OP based on what _could_ go wrong due to differences in maturity and experience. We don’t know that such differences exist. We only know that an age difference exists. I have observed healthy, happy relationships between decent people in the age range in question. Two such people are my parents, who met at ages 20 and 30.
3) You try to cast OP as having a problem courting women who are younger than him. In fact, we have evidence of exactly one instance of him getting an unexpected response from one woman. We cannot infer from one data point that OP has a pattern or history of pursuing younger women, a preference for dating younger women, nor a track record of being accepted by same-aged women but rejected by younger women. He liked this one girl in his social group for a while, told her, and got rejected. I’m not going to pretend that the guy is a predator because of that.
4) One of the definitions of fantastical on Dictionary.com has the meaning that I intended: _imaginary or groundless in not being based on reality; foolish or irrational_.
Does my prior statement make sense given your new understanding?
Outrageous_Cod2194: King
| 5 | 1 | |
1671900363 | 1671900819 | t3_zudjfk | t5_2to41 | 37 | BigDikkDaddy541: TIFU by shaking my best friend’s dad’s….hand? (hopefully)
Some backstory: Two years ago, I moved across the country, leaving my best friend of 3 years behind. A few months later, she called me sobbing uncontrollably telling me her dad had a heart attack and fell down the stairs, hitting his head. He died immediately. It was a very bad time for her mentally, and I felt so bad, losing someone is a very difficult thing, especially when LIVE with them, the adjustment must be much harder. Greif is a lonely journey, all I could do was be a listening ear for her. Maybe a year later, it’s the summer, school’s finally out, so I decided to fly back. Me and my sister decided to keep it a secret and surprise my best friend. My sister drove to the airport with her to “pick up a package”. Just gonna say it now her reaction was VERY underwhelming. She just said “oh, hey”. (I will say I think it was the shock because she did tell us she wasn’t expecting me.)
Onto my fuck up
We stayed at my sister’s during the weekend, and since I arrived Friday it kind of worked out perfectly. Sunday afternoon, my best friend’s grandma picks us up and we head over to her place. Me and my friend settle into the living room and her grandma goes to the kitchen to make dinner. Maybe 30ish minutes pass, dinner’s done so we go make out plates, I grab a drink, say thank you, of course, and head back to the living room and set my plate down on one of those collapsible tv tables in front of me. I turn to the left to grab my glasses off of the table next to the couch and see these two weird little vials with like, tiny gravel or something in it. Being the curious cat I am, I pick one up to examine it. I’m looking at it, shaking it around, bringing it close to my face, the works. My friend walks in and says
“Why are you shaking my dad’s ashes?”
I’m sorry what?
You can imagine the shock. I immediately put it down and apologized profusely, because what else can you do when you fuck up like THAT.
She just…laughed. For like 5-10 minutes straight she was just laughing at me. Girl I just took your dad for the ride of a lifetime (can I use that term if he’s dead?) AND YOU’RE LAUGHING??? She went and got her brother, who is 2 years younger than us I think, told him the story, and he didn’t know how to react, probably because his sister I was on the floor crying laughing. I just stood there I didn’t even know how to react.
Now, I’m just glad she could laugh abt it, I’m sure there could have been a much worse outcome. Even though it was an accident, I still feel a bit guilty haha
TL:DR I shook my best friend’s dad’s ashes, in front of her. She laughed.
WittyConference5512: Give it a little twerk
BigDikkDaddy541: I hope it wasn’t his ass in those ashes because I was lookin a lil too closely trying to figure out wtf they were
| 3 | 12.333333 | |
1671900457 | 1671901952 | t3_zudkiq | t5_2to41 | 44 | DarkChimera: TIFU by working too much, getting too stressed and decide just fucking skip Christmas.
It is currently Christmas Eve at 4:20 pm as I'm starting to write this (smoking a joint is really tempting right now btw) and I'm at home. alone. because I fucking hate how stressful Christmas is.
Christmas Eve is the day we celebrate everything here. dinner, opening gifts, the whole thing.
Work always fucking explodes right before Christmas when every single fucking asshole in the country decides that they need to fix something before Christmas Eve and apparently can't fathom that we have other costumers who had the exact same idea.
This means that I have been working overtime, often 7 Am to 10 or 11 pm for over a month now, and of course no matter how much I work it's never good enough. And apparently my boss keeps promising every new costumer who calls that we'll have it fixed before Christmas Eve even though he knows we're all overworked and understaffed. I think it's just his knee-jerk response. I have also noticed that some of the orders are a couple of months old that he probably forgot about until they called him and asked where we are. jobs I could have done while we didn't have much work to do before the whole christmas stress started. although for all I know the costumers could have requested that we wait. I know my boss is incredibly stressed and overworked too. on top of that his mom is sick. very sick. this will probably be her last Christmas. heck, for all I know she might already be gone. and he has so much work he hasn't had time to visit her, at least the last time we spoke about it.
Ever since I became a full on electrician the annual Christmas ritual has become to work way too much from about halfway through November and all the way to new years eve, but it's especially bad before Christmas Eve and ending up having a mental breakdown sometime in the middle of the whole Christmas hell. basically Christmas to me is 2% cozy family time, 98% stress and hoping I get injured so I can get a fucking break.
well, this year my mental breakdown happened yesterday on "little Christmas eve". For 2 days in a row I had to drive from work, 2 hours home because fuck Christmas traffic (it takes half an hour if the traffic is normal) then jump in some new clothes, drive for half an hour to pick up grandma, then drive for another hour to visit my mom. then after that drive for an hour to drop of grandma and then drive another hour home, all this while trying not to fall asleep for too many seconds at a time behind the wheel. I am fucking exhausted.
yesterday the final drop was something as stupid as me opening my soda stream bottle while driving and it decided that that was a great time to play the volcano game! which it has never done before btw! of course I dropped the cork on the floor and could do nothing but curse while this energy drink covered both me and the inside of my car.
now, before this you need to know that I had been too busy to call and arrange for somewhere to be during Christmas. I finally was able to talk to my dad 2 days before and he was mortified that I didn't have a place to be and offered to cancel his own plans so I could come to his place, but I don't wanna ruin his plans just because I'm a useless sack of shit, so I just told him I can go to my sister's place and not to worry.
I don't like to invite myself to places, but I was planning to call my sis and hoping it wouldn't be an issue with the amount of food or anything. But as I was punching my steering wheel after the soda stream fiasco I decided "you know what? fuck this! fuck this whole ass piece of shit dumb fucking Christmas! I'm gonna spend Christmas eve morning wrapping presents (I had time one day to buy them, but not wrap them), go drive them around to everyone and then I'm gonna go home, eat some frozen pizza, maybe play some COD, smoke some weed and just sleep until the 26th.
so that became my plan. I told my dad's side of the family that I'm spending Christmas with my sister and my mom's side of the family that I'm spending Christmas with my dad. I'm sure they'll figure it our eventually because my grandma's are neighbors and pretty much bff's, but when they figure it out it will already be overwith.
I was okay with this plan. not happy, but okay. then I realized that I'll have to open my own gifts all on my own, and imagining that was just so depressing. Maybe If I end my Christmas gift delivering at my sister's place I can ask her to stay and she would probably have said "yes, of course".
then today I woke up whenever I woke up because my gift to myself was to not use my alarm clock. I sat down to wrap presents, and I MAJORLY underestimated how long it takes. I finished an hour ago, then took a shower and then.... realized that at this point it will be suspicious that I'm not already at someone's house to celebrate. so instead... I'm just sitting at the bottom of my stairs with some bags of gifts I already told my family I would be delivering today and just feeling fucking depressed and tired. To add to my depressive state, remember how I said I'm a useless sack of shit? I do about 20% of the house cleaning at my place. and I live alone. so my place looks like a bombed whore house.
I did read on Facebook that someone's arranging a Christmas dinner for transgender people who has nowhere to be, so I might just go there. If I can find the energy. I won't be bringing my gifts of course, I'll just open them tomorrow anyways, it's just to depressing to open them today. But then when someone from my family calls to wish me a merry Christmas they'll hear that there are people around me and hopefully not get suspicious.
I wanna make it clear that this is on me, not my family. My family is great and very loving and accepting. this is all on me not taking the time to pick up the phone and call someone earlier.
I've been wanting to just escape for Christmas earlier, but I thought I'd go on a vacation somewhere, not just sit at home alone. I also realize now that being alone on Christmas Eve would suck no matter where I am. I could be on the beach in a warm country with a Piña colada and basking in the sun and would probably still feel alone and depressed.
My girl just sent me pictures from where she's celebrating. we're not officially bf/gf, but I think we're getting there. she also has no idea that I'm alone today. I hope she doesn't ask me for pictures of my own celebration, because I don't know what to tell her. I don't want her to know.
I actually considered going to work for a costumer who's open 24/7/365. at least I wouldn't feel useless if I work. But I don't want them to know either. especially since they can probably force me to get a psych evaluation if I can't keep my happy-mask on.
TL;DR I ruined my own Christmas by working too much, stressing myself out and basically becoming the grinch and now I'm alone and have regrets.
zxcovman: Sorry for what you are going through. I wish you a merry Xmas. My gift to you is this article, if you take the time to read it, you might want to introduce some change to your lifestyle.
https://www.oldcolonyhospice.org/blog/bid/101702/nurse-reveals-the-top-five-regrets-people-make-on-their-deathbed#:~:text=1.,many%20dreams%20have%20gone%20unfulfilled.
This article is a qualitative research from a nurse who asked people on their deathbed, what they regretted most in life. #2 was "I wish I didn’t work so hard. This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s"
DarkChimera: thank you for this. I may have to print that list out and hang it on my wall
| 3 | 14.666667 | |
1671901651 | 1671902843 | t3_zudz4y | t5_2to41 | 1 | [deleted]: TIFU by taking wife to gym with me
[deleted]
Milkybarfkid: Took her a few days to ask about it, cant be that important
_mynameis: She and I both forgot, like I said one of the ring was the wedding ring, that baby has diamonds. Small ones though.
| 3 | 0.333333 | |
1669955858 | 1670002660 | t3_zabkek | t5_2to41 | 202 | thelonelylostchild: TIFU by taking an absurd amount of benadryl
this TIFU technically takes place over the last few days, but i’m still dealing with it. there’s a few relevant details for later in the story. i have perfect pitch (look up charlie puth. he has it too, and can explain it way better than me). i have SEVERE sight issues. i can’t see anything unless it’s right in front of my face, but am usually fine with my phone screen (or glasses).
i have a mild cat allergy (while owning two of them), so i keep benadryl on hand for allergic reactions. lastly, i’m bipolar, and during manic episodes, my impulse control is SHIT.
so onto my fuckup. i’m a chronic insomniac since childhood, and thus have tried SEVERAL things to try and help me sleep. sleepy time tea has never worked, melatonin is usually a miss, and i’ve tried music because i was desperate.
i dislocated my knee about a year and a half ago, and had to sleep on my back (i’m a side sleeper). so my mom gave me benadryl at night to help me sleep. it was a GODSEND.
cut to present day. i was thankfully able to stop needing benadryl for a while, because summer was exhausting. when my sleep problems got really bad and started affecting my school, my psychiatrist prescribed me some vistaril. it’s another antihistamine, and she told me it was a sister medication to benadryl.
vistaril ended up not working, and when i reached the end of the bottle, i figured i should just not ask for a refill. then, i found it. a bottle of benadryl.
at this point, i’m in college, and can control my own doses. i decide to try again with benadryl, hoping at the very least my brain associates the pink with sleep. at first, i started with 25mg. when that didn’t work, i bumped up to 50mg. then, out of frustration towards 8 AM spanish, i started researching (read: googling).
i was scared i might accidentally unalive, so i googled different doses to make sure i wouldn’t. the dosage i settled on was 250mg. looking back, this was TERRIBLE judgement. but i was manic and desperate to wake up refreshed for my 8 AM hell, so down the hatch they went.
it worked wonders, though my body was completely taxed the next day. i just attributed it to still being tired. come that night, i decided to do it again. BIG MISTAKE.
i woke up at 6 am, after a solid 10 hours of sleep, and check my phone. my partner had posted their spotify wrapped, so naturally, i check it out.
i suddenly realise i can’t read most of the added captions. usually, i could brush it off as still being half asleep. but when i wake up more, i still can’t read them. cue some mild concern.
now, part of my day is to scroll through tiktok endlessly. a song comes up on a video, and i completely freeze. the song is slightly out of tune. i’m thinking “damn it! my phone is finally giving up!”, and spend a moment in mild annoyance.
a few minutes later, i get bored, open my laptop, and hit youtube. to my absolute horror, the music in the video is slightly out of tune. i frantically grab some headphones and play a song on them.
it’s out. of fucking. tune.
at this point, i’m getting very worried, and i google everything. every single symptom + benadryl overdose, benadryl overdose symptoms, etc. i get up to go to class eventually, and my balance is TERRIBLE. now i’m terrified, wondering what this means for the rest of my day.
i get to class a few minutes late, and try to relax. it’s a boring class, and we usually just sit and watch random guest speakers talk.
not today, because the universe wants to punish me for my mistakes!!
my teacher announces that we’re taking a trip down to the health and science building. i groan internally, but i think it’s a short enough walk.
20 minutes later, we arrive at the building. at this point, i’m stumbling like a drunkard, and my hands are shaking and my knees are spasming.
i’ll spare you the details of the trip, as well as the rest of my day. but with more googling, every symptom is matching. dry mouth, severe dehydration, dizziness, ever the hearing problems.
i’m writing this at 11:30 at night, next to a mountain of empty water bottles, feeling somewhat better. i’m planning on spending the whole weekend asleep.
kids, don’t mess with benadryl. lesson learned.
TL;DR: i took half a gram of benadryl in two days and completely messed up my day (and maybe even tomorrow).
Kwasan: If it's any consolation, it could've been a lot worse. Benadryl contains DPH, which is a potent and terrifying deliriant. If you don't know anything about those, it's like how crazy parents describe drugs. Spiders and shadow people and shit. I'm glad you're okay and hope you're able to get some sleep!
...says the person who just took melatonin after laying in bed for over an hour.
Gewt92: I don’t want to be pedantic, but Benadryl IS DPH.
rex_flx: Ah yeah good ol DPH spiders
coyote_grundy_666: I heard my parents downstairs having a conversation about me being on drugs. My parents are divorced, live separately, and my mom wasn't even home. That and the spiders.
rex_flx: Yeah it's some crazy shit
| 6 | 33.666667 | |
1671902552 | 1671923701 | t3_zueaas | t5_2to41 | 36,043 | Mdownsouthmodel92: TIFU By Leaving my Husband’s “delay” cream out on the nightstand
Actually happened today. Mandatory forgive my formatting; I am on mobile.
Hubs has no problem lasting, but I do engage in some BDSM/female domination with him and I loooove giving him long, slow, tease sessions. Sometimes I’ll trick him into thinking I’ve lubed him up properly for a great HJ but a few minutes later he’s numb and realizes I can playfully torture him for hours.
Well, last night we had a hot session as one does at the end of a long week and we are recovering from some illnesses we’ve been spreading around back and forth for like a month. Here’s where I F’d up: I left this ejaculation delay cream out on the nightstand.
Flash forward to this morning. My mom was helping me wrap presents in my bedroom and decided her hands were dry from this Arctic blast we are all feeling in USA/CAN. I’m still wrapping and thinking nothing of it as I hear her rub her hands together with what I assumed was my lotion.
Nope. A few minutes later my mom is panicking as her hands start feeling numb asking me to get her medical treatment ASAP.
I looked over, immediately realized what she had done, panicked and had to explain to her, “uhhh Mom… this isn’t normal lotion. It’s a numbing cream.”
She says “why the hell did you need that in your bedroom?”
Me… blank stare. “Just read it mom. We aren’t having issues… it is just fun to really… prolong things.”
Bottle reads: STA ERECT. “Delay cream cream for men. Decrease sensitivity for extended play. Maximize performance and partner satisfaction. Delay the onset of orgasm.”
You could have heard a pin drop. Her jaw dropped for a few seconds before dying of laughing. I sheepishly joined in.
TLDR: left my husband’s ejaculation delay cream out on my nightstand; my mom’s dry hands cause her to need lotions; mom panicked and thinks she’s having a medical emergency until I explain to her that she didn’t use hand lotion, but a penis sensitivity reducing cream.
Edit for all those asking, I missed out on a huge affiliate marketing scheme but here is the link to the lotion:
Sta-Erect Delay for Men - 2 Oz. - Boxed https://www.walmart.com/ip/117029611
RosieQParker: The real gift you gave her this year was an anecdote she could tell at bridge nights for the rest of her days.
Mdownsouthmodel92: Hahahahaha yes oh my goodness I am sure her girlfriends will be hearing about this forever. Hubs I bet is going to be red faced embarrassed when he sees them next!
SuicidalChair: I picture him opening a bottle of Champaign on new years eve and it overflowing and your mom asking if he needs some cream
Mdownsouthmodel92: Hahahaha oh my goodness I’ll have to give her this idea. My dad will be clueless I think. My mom and dad I don’t think talk about such things.
Thatoneguyyaknow1738: In my experience. They absolutely do. Especially if they've been together forever. Not something you really want to think about to much lol.
Mdownsouthmodel92: Yeah maybe that’s what it is. My mom I know is fairly sexually adventurous but I suspect my dad is fairly conservative and gets embarrassed easily.
theuautumnwind: Around you. If mom is adventurous I’d imagine he is in private as well
DUKE_LEETO_2: Guess dads gonna be surprised with some numbing cream soon
CharlotteLucasOP: He’s gonna have a happy new year.
Sometime in March. 🍾
| 10 | 3,604.3 | |
1669959350 | 1670022580 | t3_zacuqb | t5_2to41 | 149 | lIlIIllIIllI: TIFU by getting “exposed” by my own explicit pictures
I’m not looking to be further shamed for this, as I already understand how stupid it is from the jump. Basic scam where some chick adds you on snap then starts talking and then asks for pics and all that. Well I insisted she sent first, and she did, so I responded and I’d say I got a fair trade of pictures, maybe even a little more in my favor. Anyways, she then goes onto threaten send the pictures I sent to her to random girls I follow on my Instagram account because there is no way in hell I am giving her 2,000$ to delete those pictures. I definitely fucked up but to be honest I’m kind of embracing it. I think she thought I was going to be devastated and instantly send the money (or something along those lines). If anything, this is gonna be a great story in a few year’s time. Is there any real damage she can do to me though do you think? She only had my Instagram which is barely active and mainly follows people I barely talk to anymore.
TL:DR Chick added me on snap we sent pics and she threatened to expose me to my followers if I didn’t send her 2,000$ how much damage can she do
XxRefuse2Lose: The fact that you still think it's a female is hilarious to me
lIlIIllIIllI: Glad I could make you laugh, probably wasn’t just a girl but when she sent me videos of her saving my shit those weren’t the nails of a man I’ll tell you that 😂
Happykittymeowmeow: I wanna know what man and woman hands look like?
[Are these man hands or woman hands? ](https://imgur.com/a/lH2j25F)
Cheap-Independent-39: it's a hand that need moisture. Or hydrate yourself, r/HydroHomies jail BONK !
Happykittymeowmeow: I work with wood all day. It sucks the moisture right out of your skin. I moisturize often and liberally.
Cheap-Independent-39: I could've guess :)
| 7 | 21.285714 |
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