start_date stringlengths 10 10 | end_date stringlengths 10 10 | thread_id stringlengths 8 10 ⌀ | subreddit stringclasses 1
value | subreddit_id stringclasses 1
value | total_score int64 -564 194k | text stringlengths 52 58.9k | num_messages int64 3 160 | avg_score float64 -55.17 14.3k |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
1670092370 | 1670101435 | t3_zbn0ms | t5_2to41 | 1 | Beautiful-Winner-469: Tifu
[removed]
woif0: nice TL;DR there buddy
Beautiful-Winner-469: Not here to go back and fourth but to post on here you gotta add that in 🤷🏽♂️
woif0: You're supposed to write a short summary after TL;DR (too long didn't read)
e.g. TL;DR told my best friend she had no self respect for trying to kiss someone in a relationship and now she's mad at me
Beautiful-Winner-469: Ahh well I’m a bit new to this but thanks for the correction 👌🏽
| 5 | 0.2 | |
1672011677 | 1672019826 | t3_zv9s01 | t5_2to41 | 13 | [deleted]: TIFU by dressing up as Santa Claus.
[deleted]
HotSupermarket3682: You didn’t think to tell the parents you’d be hiding in the chimney lmao?
Missedmyplane714: I did tell my parents, they were just horrified I’d split my head open on the fireplace
| 3 | 4.333333 | |
1672015278 | 1672095955 | t3_zvawwp | t5_2to41 | 12 | supersuspiciouslol: TIFU by being honest with my bf?
TW - Self Harm
We haven’t been together long. When we started dating, my family was with social services and i still had my dad. I’ve been heavily traumatised - As a backstory, 6th June this year i was up at 3am when my father asked for an ambulance, which my mother would not get until he threw up and passed out. Ambulances came and he unfortunately passed at 7:30am after successful surgery. Ever since, my boyfriend has been the most supportive person in my life. Unfortunately for me, my mother sucks and so does my brother. He stole 11 bars of chocolate from the cupboard and screamed at my mom for calling him out. He gets whatever he wants whenever he wants because he constantly screams if he doesnt. This was why we were with social services, and they were involved earlier because my mom has extreme agrophobia. For those who dont know what this means, she’s too scared to leave her house. I havent had a normal childhood and my sense of normality got ripped away not even a week after my dad’s birthday. The trauma is unbearable, not even my bf could completely calm how I feel even if he tried to be my therapist.
Skip forward to around the 20th December, i was on video call with my boyfriend. On that same video call I completely lost control of myself and ended up cutting myself, scaring both him and me. So, the next time, i tell him i want to hurt myself. He’s trying to calm me down and i ask if he’s scared. He said yes, so i stopped talking. I couldn’t control myself, i felt like i had zero control. I cut my leg several times.
Today, we were talking and I asked why he trusts me. He said “what’s a relationship without trust and truth?” This hit me deep as my ex lied to me about taking painkillers to get a bj if he stopped being addicted, which got the police involved after i expressed that i was uncomfortable, so I told him what i did. He was furious i had hid it from him and started blaming himself for saying he was scared. But if couldn’t tell him i hurt myself id be betraying myself. He wants me to throw away the blade i used as its stored in my bedroom, but it was my dad’s so i don’t want to.
TL;DR
I cut myself and hid it from my bf, but he accidentally willed me to tell him and he got mad for hiding it.
Edit: I’ve spoken to my friend and i decided to shove the weapon i used in a box under my bed where i cant reach, and my bf has agreed to dispose of it if i do manage to get it out. The box is tightly sealed
583fik: You, your mon, and your brother could all benefit from a bit of therapy. You have all been through trauma and asking for help with that is alright. Just get it from someone with the tools to really help.
supersuspiciouslol: my mother is horrific - the moment it gets hot out she’ll say stuff like ‘its too hot’ and then they never come back later. my brother is insanely good at acting and would pretend to get better just to make everyone kiss his ass the moment that the help is gone. i plan on moving out and getting intensive therapy the moment i can because having it once a week for 6 weeks which is standard in the UK is really bad. its jot benefitting me much at all. im on several waiting lists for counselling and therapy right now, my mom is on medication and claims to be getting help but i see no evidence of it. thank you though
583fik: I'm glad to hear you are getting help! I hope it goes well for you. It maybe worth while to look at some therapy like A.R.T or other things that are ment to act directly with trauma.
supersuspiciouslol: thank you!
583fik: You're welcome, hope it helps op!
Edit: spelling
| 6 | 2 | |
1670103170 | 1670108687 | t3_zbrcma | t5_2to41 | 17 | MuskyLion: TIFU by not thinking I'm less clumsy than I am
I was just in Pepper Palace in scenic Syracuse, NY while Christmas shopping for a few remaining items on the list. The excited clerk was doing his best to boost sales and pointed out a few items for me to try.
I had in hand a couple of jars of dill habanero pickles and the clerk offered to take them to the counter to avoid an accidental dropping incident, which he mentioned had happened recently. He mentioned a previous customer had refused the offer and had dropped everything, which shattered upon impact necessitating the cleanup of glass and hot sauce (always a dicy scenario). I didn't think anything of it because I had a solid grip on the jars and am usually not clumsy, but it seemed a reasonable proposition, so I handed them off to him.
He then introduced me to a lovely fermented reaper sauce. In my enthusiasm to grab a bottle, I turned my head from the sauce, grabbed the bottle as I started walking towards the register, clipped the shelf above, and sent the bottle to the floor, where it promptly shattered. I immediately felt like a jackass and announced it. The clerks were super chill with a NBD attitude and took care of the mess. I felt like such an idiot, but offered to pay because it was my mistake.
These guys immediately spun it into a selling point for future customers and we all shared a laugh.it removed the sting, but I needed to post while it was fresh in my mind. Happy Holidays... 🤦♂️
Tl;dr... Clerk warned not to break things and I did the opposite
dexidrone: I watched an old man riding a scooter knock over a table display of expensive wine. Ironically, he just got up and left.
MuskyLion: The main clerk said that happened with the last lady. But expensive wine... Ouch
| 3 | 5.666667 | |
1670107266 | 1670160403 | t3_zbt0hb | t5_2to41 | 386 | Low-Conflict-1686: TIFU When I shared my messed up kink with my girlfriend
So when I was about 12-13 years old my cousins did "horrible stuff"(I don't feel comfortable going into details about that) to me and after suffering for years it slowly turned into a weird kink that I despise having. I really hate that I get turned on by people doing things to me without me wanting it to happen. So I told about it to my girlfriend because I thought she might be able to help or something like that cuz I thought she might understand. But now she'll randomly just do sexual stuff when I'm not in the mood and just not stop when I tell her to. I asked her why does she do that and she just keeps thinking it'll somehow "Help me" understand that these things are not okay...? Even I don't understand what she means by that. I am now starting to have mini anxiety attacks whenever I'm around her and I can't even properly explain my feelings because I'm bad at communicating my thoughts if you already didn't understand by my way of writing (Which lead me into getting traumatised in the first place). I just don't know what to do now. I sometimes want to leave her but I just can't do it.
TL;DR My girlfriend now gives me anxiety and panic attacks
Edit: For those saying I should go to therapy. 1) I can't afford therapy which lead me to reddit since I've seen a lot of people getting good help/advice here. 2)In my country there aren't any good therapist. I've asked my friend and they all said there aren't.
Black_flaminago84: Go to therapy
pastalegion: Her sexually assaulting you to the point you have a panic attack just being near her does not mean you need therapy. It means (at bear minimum) you need to break up with her.
Black_flaminago84: Do you have something against therapy?
pastalegion: I have something against you victim blaming.
Black_flaminago84: As you just confirmed you have an issue with therapy.
Going to therapy is not 100% associated with being a victim
EishLekker: To be fair, the “You need to see a shrink” response is quite a common in online discussions, and it’s often said in a negative way. Source: I read a lot of Reddit discussions.
Black_flaminago84: Valid that it’s likely over used on here but this is a time where OP really should go talk to someone
EishLekker: I agree. That still doesn’t rule out that the person who wrote that just meant it as an insult. In theory.
Black_flaminago84: I’m the one who wrote it. It was not meant as an insult. Suppose I should have wrote more
| 10 | 38.6 | |
1670107180 | 1670133609 | t3_zbsz8m | t5_2to41 | 104 | Cute_Cat7493: TIFU
So I (f,25) just started my apprenticeship 3 months ago. I get along quite well with my coworkers. Even went clubbing with some of them.
Now the problem. This one co-worker celebrated her 25 b-day last weekend. So she, a few of us coworkers, her bf and her friends meet up at a bar. When I arrived I overhear how her bf and one co-worker, let's call him R, were talking about one piece. So after some catching up with the other and congratulating the b-day girl I joined the conversation.
To note here. I'm a huge one piece fan. Even have luffy's hat tattooed.
So the 3 of us are having a livid conversation till its time to go to the club. At the club we dance, drink and are having a good time. It get quite stuffy in the club so I want to head out for some fresh air. The Bf is also going. So I tell the others I'm heading out to catch some fresh air and if sb wants to join me. Nobody? Okey, I'm outside.
So outside the bf and I continue our conversion about one piece and then he mention fantasy ( Swiss equivalent of comic con) and how we ( he, R and i) could cosplay and go together. So we exchanged numbers...Which is the part where I might funked up. Cause you see they have been together for 5 years and my naive brain didn't think anything bad about exchanging numbers with him, without consulting with her first. In my minde we got alonge and have a common interest and wanted to form a cosplay group for fantasy. Maybe go to a bar the 3 of us and who ever wantet to join. I genuinely was just happy to be able to nerd out with sb since nobody else in my life is such an anime fan/ one piece fan. I even even pitched the idea of going to a bar after all of us were getting ready to leave the club cause I wanted to continue talking with the 2 of em.
But when he texted me the next day I feelt uncomfortable. I dunno why, maybe cause it wasn't anything related to one piece or anime. He just asked what I was up to. But anyway. The uncomfortableness didn't go away so I thought to avoid any confusing or possible problems I'll tell my co-worker her bf and I exchanged numbers. Cause ya know, I respect her and her relationship.
So I told her and she did seem surprised. She said " oh. He didn't tell me."
And ever since then she seems distant. And I'm worrying so much that I did sth wrong. Did I overstep a boundary? Was I wrong to tell her? If she's uncomfortable with it she can tell me and I'll delete his number.
Since im a huge wuss and hate confrontation I texted her Friday and told her i can't shake the feeling that she's mad at me.
She hasn't answered yet.
I dunno why but I feel so bad. I'm a terrible people pleaser and the thought of having accidentally hurt sb who I like is killing me. At the same time I'm a notorious over thinker and could just be making things up in my head. I'm going crazy over this and I can't keep discussing it with my mom cause she's fed up with my whining 😅.
Am I a bad person. Is she going to forgive me?
What would you do? Apart from talking to her face to face...cause I know that's sth I'll have to do if I ever want peace of mind🙄.
Ps. English isn't my first language. So just overlooked any grammar mistakes ;)
TL;DR I exchanged numbers with my coworkers boyfriend without asking her first and may have hurt her feelings.
honeybadgerdad: Sounds like you had innocent intentions. Avoid any convos or if he texts you, reply into a group conversation and include the gf.
Swizdog: This
honeybadgerdad: Thank you.
| 4 | 26 | |
1670106941 | 1670180324 | t3_zbsvw0 | t5_2to41 | 752 | Thefancymarsupial: TIFU by trying to eat my AirPod
I usually fall asleep with my AirPods in to drown out any noise from my roommate. Well last night I had a very vivid dream about trying to eat something. It was hard and I kept trying to crack open whatever it was. I remember not being able to break it open and it felt to large to swallow. I recall trying to figure out what it was. I initially thought it was some sort of nut but the shape of it through me off. I distinctly remember tracing it with my tongue and feeling the soft part. Perhaps some sort of nut with a sprout coming out of it? After many attempts to break it open I decided to store it in my cheek to soften it in hopes of opening it later. Well this morning I woke up and removed my right AirPod from my mouth. I have no memory of what compelled me to at some point put the AirPod in my mouth. It had bite marks all over it and was soaking wet. I attempted to wipe it down best I could and drain the water from the speakers using a noise app. It still doesn't work. Its currently sitting in a bowl of rice.
TL;DR I tried eating my AirPod in a dream and now its broke.
applegenius24: DONT USE RICE!!! It breaks devices.
Source-Broke my AirPod.
Gammacor: Rice doesn't break electronic devices. Water exposure while powered on breaks the device.
dickwolf69: Rice can get into your charging and headphone ports, which can cause damage too
Gammacor: And how, exactly? What is the mechanism by which rice causes the damage?
dickwolf69: If rice gets stuck in the charging port, trying to plug the charger in can damage the port.
Gammacor: Rice is soft. It will mush from the force and not break anything. You'll just have rice-filled charging port and cable, which you'll then need to spend time removing.
Nothing actually breaks.
I'm an electronics engineer. Rice does not break electronics.
dickwolf69: Yes, rice is soft - cooked rice. Uncooked rice (what people recommend putting wet phones in) is very hard.
I don't mean to sound rude, but try talking to someone who repairs phones, they'll tell you how common it is for someone to come in with a broken charger port caused by rice.
Gammacor: I'll give you that.
But, my point still stands: rice doesn't hurt electronics. Human action (both from getting the device wet, and failing to ensure that ports are clear) harms the electronics. It's like saying cars damage property, or guns kill people. No, it's all about the user.
| 9 | 83.555556 | |
1670111380 | 1670191462 | t3_zbulne | t5_2to41 | 49 | StubblyWave3370: TIFU By Mishearing The Lyrics To A Popular Song
So I, 15f, am totally obsessed with music. I listen to music in the car, when exercising, in school, during my free time, basically whenever i'm not testing or doing something serious i'm listening to music.
That being said, i have heard a pretty good mix of music and i can sing along to most songs on the radio and am familiar with others. So, earlier i was walking to my local CVS to get yet another covid booster and while i was waiting the radio started playing this song that i have heard all my life, "simon has a rock."
I had that song stuck in my head the rest of the way home and when i arrived to my house i immediately started looking for the name of that song so i could play it. The problem was there was no song called "simon has a rock"
Out of confusion i called my friend and asked them about it, to no avail, and when my father got home i asked him. He started cracking up and called me a dumbass for thinking the song was called "simon has a rock"
Apparently the song i have been mishearing for 15 years straight is "solid" by ashford and simpson.
Anyways just wanted to share my stupidity with reddit lol.
TL;DR
I have been mishearing ashford and simpson's song "solid" as "simon has a rock" and got laughed at and called a dumbass by my own father
VoidCoelacanth: Back when "Radioactive" by Imagine Dragons first hit the charts, I could swear they were saying "Ready to rock it" instead of "Ra-di-o Ac-tive". (Hyphens to show the word breaks with the beat.) Of course my ears instantly retrained themselves the moment I heard a DJ actually *name the song* and felt like a moron.
ninarose25: You're not alone, but I mean, since Apple gives you the chance to look at the lyrics now it's hard to get something wrong these days lol
VoidCoelacanth: Ahh yes, and every cellphone user has Apple products...
I primarily listen to music while driving or at work, so even with Spotify now showing lyrics I don't always have a chance to look at them the first time (or few times) I hear a song. Been a while since I had a mishearing as bad as Radioactive but it does still happen. It's not always because of a muffled singer - sometimes there is just way too much going on in a song and they haven't properly balanced or side chained the vocal track.
ninarose25: 😒😒😒 clearly I was just talking about myself. But I'm pretty sure Spotify has the same thing and you can see it on android devices. And on top of that, you are able to download Apple Music to your android or smart phone or whatever kind of phone you have just like Spotify Pandora, and any other music app and see the lyrics.
VoidCoelacanth: If you aren't in the Apple ecosystem there is almost no reason to load Apple Music onto another device. I'll stick with platform-neutral apps like Spotify/Deezer/Tidal, thanks =)
| 6 | 8.166667 | |
1670113329 | 1670116603 | t3_zbvc57 | t5_2to41 | 27 | Ur_Dad_iS_CHUNKY0906: TIFU by yelling at my gf
Hello reddit. today i fucked up. me(18M) and my gf(17F) got in an argument. it all happened yesterday evening. i was in her house for a sleepover and she asked me to wash the dishes. But i made the mistake of saying to myself "let me just rest a bit.". then she came out of the shower and we went along with our night and eventually fell asleep. the next morning i wake up to the sound of dishes being washed in the kitchen and was like "shit shit shit.". her mom called us for breakfast the next morning (today) and mentioned how disappointed she was at her for not washing the dishes. i told her it was me but she was mad at her and i tried not to argue but still defend my gf but did not succeed. today morning she had practice at 11:30(shes a dancer). we woke up early but apparently she didnt get that good of a sleep and was grumpy. after she knew about the dishes she became angry at me and i cursed myself on the inside. i told her im sorry and all that. a little later we were ready to go but she was getting late because of both of us. she was getting angrier and angrier. when i walked her to her practice, told her i will wait for her in the park and i went home. her practice usually lasts for 2 hours sharp so at 1:30 i was on a bench in the park next to her practice. i stayed and stayed and waited for 2 hours and a half and i was freezing with 3% battery. when i saw her and her friends leave practice she got in her best friend's bf's car with her and him because they live close to eachother. then i panicked a little idk why, probably because i didnt know what to do, should i go to them, should i go home or should i catch the bus to her area. i panicked and called her angry self but when she answered i tried to talk as fast as i could to let her know before they start the car and go. she thought i was yelling st her because i probably sounded like that and got even angrier. she told me where to go and picked me up. when i got into the car she started yelling at me louder than ever how i shouldve not been waiting for her and saying that she had other plans aside from hanging out with me. i thought we will hang together this weekend just like every other weekend and she never mentioned about other plans when i told her i will wait for her earlier. she said she didnt want me to wait for her. when they dropped us off next to her flat i tried to talk wit her but she was angry which got me angry too. we started yelling at eachother in front of her flat. then i got amgrier than ever before and told her to fuck off in my probably loudest yell ever and i kicked the little fence her neighbors had put there. i stormed off to the bus stop but when i got further i turned back and noticed she was standing in the same place like seconds before, not moving and i saw her face COVERED in brutal pain. i know she is so fragile and i cant forgive myself. i will never forget how broken her face looked at that moment. i immediately regretted my actions and went back. she begged me to back off but i wanted to apologize and didnt back off which made everything worse. she said "please leave so i can go home without worrying that youre getting in too" and i started going to the bus stop again. i saw that i have broken the fence i kicked and hot even more sad, knowing it was new and all the neighbors made it together. i texted her to please ask her mother where did the person owning the fence live (which floor) and she begged me to never go back there snd told me her mom practically hates me now because she heard how i yelled at her. she won't let me near my gf again and i understand her but all people make mistakes and i dont thing its in her business to judge me. still, my gf wont talk to me and im not trying to force her to. im afraid about our future (if we have one) because we have been together for a very long time now. how do i fix this shit?
TL;DR: i yelled at my gf and her broken, full of pain, face will never be forgotten
mrpasciak: Do they still teach english writing in school? You need to learn to use paragraphs, dude. This was painful to read.
jeffinRTP: You did better than I did. I see 1 long paragraph and I just skip reading it.
jlenko: I’m guessing mobile, and not primarily English speaking
| 4 | 6.75 | |
1670115097 | 1670125910 | t3_zbvyut | t5_2to41 | 8 | [deleted]: TIFU by fapping for too long
[deleted]
nanny2359: Sounds like you raped someone my dude. Drunk people can't consent
EDIT: and you should have stopped when she started screaming in pain... She shouldn't have had to tell you that...
Thinkyasshole: Drunk people can consent. Passed out people can't consent, but I get drunk and consent all the time.
nanny2359: Not according to any civilized human being
Thinkyasshole: I don't know many people who haven't had sex after drinking alcohol.
nanny2359: A drink is different from being drunk. Especially in this story OP says this woman was out of her mind. Not to mention screaming in pain
Thinkyasshole: How many drinks can one have before any sexual activity means they are being raped?
| 7 | 1.142857 | |
1672022144 | 1672024982 | t3_zvd1jg | t5_2to41 | 16 | [deleted]: TIFU by telling my gf I noticed some of her family didn't get me any gifts
[deleted]
derande_yo: Lol I've been married for over 20 years and don't get a single gift from anyone in my spouse's family.
Cap1279: Lol part of being a man at 40, right?
KyloRenCadetStimpy: Nah, they just hate him.
| 4 | 4 | |
1670115537 | 1670136626 | t3_zbw44t | t5_2to41 | 11 | Offhandprawn505: TIFU by responding to a insult from a good friend of mine
So, me and the boys were just taking shots at each other, insulting each other while incredibly drunk, then my best bros gf started telling me that she doesn't consider me her friend and mentioned something about my ex who cheated on me, she called me a virgin and some names because my ex cheated on me. She made a comment which was too far so I responded "well l'm glad I didn't have sex with the first woman that would have me and that I'm waiting till my 20s before I have sex so we both can be responsible.
My best bro took offence to this comment asking if that's a insult at his relationship with her (because they got together at 16), I said it's not and that I live my life different to his, and that my lifestyle choices shouldn't be a insult to his.
I said that considering what she said, I could say worse about her but I would never due to respect. My best bro asked me to tell him in another room what I was thinking, so I told him in another room that it's cheap she said that when not only has her past partner cheated on her, but she also got with him the first chance she got, so the idea that she can critique my cheating partner or my virginity by choice is ironic.
My friend said he agrees that she really went to far with what she said compared to the comments we were joking about each other. I went for a walk around the block while drunk at night to clear my head and settle down.
I messed up by responding to her slander but she really annoyed me.
After I got back, we all sat in silence watching the office in the living room, I told my dad to pick me up and left shortly after with only saying goodbye.
He was once considered my brother, but due to the conflict between me and his girl, he has to choose a side so I think our friend ship is over. His girl wot V always come before me, as it should, but sadly it means
've ost a friend
I'm still drunk while typing this so l'm sorry for any mistakes
TL;DR : I insulted my best bros gf in response to her insult which could sour me and my bros relationship.
witlessdishcloth2: wait a few months, they might break up. bros b4 hoes.
Offhandprawn505: They’ve been together for around 2 years, we are all 18 now. So in his mind, it’s hoes before bros
Didisaythatoutloud72: It’s fine. This is the kind of little bitch that will get a ring on her finger then bang the best man the night before the wedding.
OP… don’t agree to be the best man.
| 4 | 2.75 | |
1670119712 | 1670177525 | t3_zbxk3r | t5_2to41 | 20,250 | [deleted]: TIFU By having to take a crap and discovering a cult room.
[deleted]
Nisi-Marie: This made me very curious, so I did a Google visual search on the scarves, and what came up was the goddess Oya. She is an African goddess of weather, part of the Santeria belief system. The pictures that came up of altars looked pretty similar to what you found in your attic.
I don’t profess to know anything about the religion or the beliefs. But given the weirdness and secrecy, I would be just as freaked out right now. As others have said, find a trusted adult that you can talk to you about this. Best of luck.
http://www.aboutsanteria.com/oyaacute.html
https://www.pinterest.com/pin/501025527291657712/
[deleted]: Yep, the necklace on the lady on the first link is the exact one I saw on the pot(?)
mansetta: Check this out OP (regarding the talk of marking your head):
"This next ritual is known as the asiento (seating),[46] or the coronación (coronation),[47] and it is believed that it marks the point when the aché of the tutelary oricha which "rules their head" is literally placed inside the initiate's cranium.[48] The otánes of various oricha are placed to the head of the initiate, culminating in those of their own tutelary oricha.[49] Sometimes, the initiate then feels that they are being possessed by the latter oricha at this point.[50] Some practitioners will make a cruciform incision into the crown of the initiate's head to better facilitate the oricha's penetration;[51] in some cases, small incisions will also have been made on the initiate's tongue to ensure that the oricha will descend into them with the "gift of speech".[52] After this point, practitioners believe that the oricha literally lives within the initiate's head,[53] forming a binding relationship between the two."
[deleted]: Jfc thats why my dad always wore a hat, wasn’t it?
kookoopuffs: You never seen your dads head? You never went swimming before? Wtf
[deleted]: Of course I’ve seen it lmao and I could see a mark on his head (assumed it was from an accident or something) but he’d literally always have sort of hat on in public or did his hair in a way that covered it, straight up refused to do anything else.
Grandmastermuffin666: Bro go to the cops💀
DruncanIdaho: There is nothing here which constitutes a crime, police cannot do anything until a law is broken, or at least a threat is made.
IndyWineLady: I would think children's protective services would help.
spook7886: Santeria is a known religion, though.
dirty4track: "I don't practice santeria"
spook7886: Doesn't matter the belief system as long as the law recognizes it as 1st amendment protected
https://occultist.net/is-santeria-voodoo-these-are-the-main-differences-and-similarities/
[deleted]: There is a line where religious freedom ends. I think cranial surgery goes far beyond that line.
spook7886: Ethically I agree, but the law and ethics are two different things.
Pleasant-Enthusiasm: The 1st amendment protections apply to OP as well. Since they clearly are not a practitioner and almost certainly will not consent to having people *cut into their forehead,* it would be assault/battery and wouldn’t be protected under the 1st amendment.
spook7886: I don't understand the downvotes for telling an unpleasant truth
[deleted]: You aren't being downvoted because you're telling an unpleasant truth. You're literally wrong. You can't cut open a child's head and insert an object to it for a religious ritual. That would at the very least be ruled as child abuse.
Religious freedom only extends so far.
| 18 | 1,125 | |
1672025731 | 1672026498 | t3_zve33r | t5_2to41 | 16 | PandaGuzman: TIFU by downloading and an app (and being horny) now I’m being extorted
So I downloaded a new app called Wizz. It’s sorta like I make new friends/ wannabe tinder thing. Wasn’t so bad just trying new stuff. So far going well some people respond some don’t. Mostly looking for girls cause wanna start dating and get better practice talking to girls. End up getting messaged by a girl she asks if I have snap or ig. Tell her I do but there kinda dead. Add her anyways. Says to exchange nudes which my horny ass goes for. That should have been a red flag but again horny. Anyway they send something I send something. And now threatening to send it to my followers and post it online family I don’t use social media much but I do have a few friends on there and don’t want personal information shared. They sent it to a few followers. It’s my picture my pp and my number. Kinda worried cause i don’t know the extent of this. Also kinda ruined social media and exchanging nudes. So yeah :)
Edit/Additional information: Did show face. but never posted a picture of myself on ig. They took screenshots of my followers and used that to send it to a couple of them. They sent screenshots of them doing so. Kinda just ignoring it but this somehow affecting me does concern me a little.
Not gonna pay
TL;DR downloaded an app was horny they want $200 or my info gets leaked
InflamedLiver: You can probably not pay a dime, and still get away with it. It’s usually empty threats and if not, you can always claim that the pictures aren’t yours.
PandaGuzman: I’m not planning on to, even if I payed they’d probably keep requesting more. only concern is friends seeing it, my family somehow seeing it. Don’t care about the accounts, Can change my number but still not pleasant.
InflamedLiver: There’s a lot of fraudsters out there, and they usually have some sort of threat component, but the odds of them acting on it are pretty low. And again, as long as there’s nothing that incriminate you in particular, you can always claim those photos are not of you.
| 4 | 4 | |
1670121490 | 1670225200 | t3_zby6c8 | t5_2to41 | 20 | FourEyes4456: TIFU by stopping under a bridge with my partner
This just happened about an hour ago, I'm still shaken up by it
So my partner and I live a bit of a drive from one another, so we don't see each other as often as a lot of teenage couples do. We also have very strict families, so the typical teenage tomfoolery is much more difficult.
We spent most of the afternoon together, and had planned on "going for a drive" after helping family with some things. We left the house and went to a spot underneath a major highway overpass, it's away from most of everything so we figured that would be a good place for fooling around. It's getting dark, so every light shine is nerve-wracking, but by this time we've gotten good at ducking under the windows.
We're in the backseat, half-clothed, when we see a light coming around a curve, albeit slowly. The lights come to a stop behind the car, and since the windows were steamy I couldn't make out what kind of car it was. I cracked the backdoor to wave them on, when I see that the car's a cop car. I scramble to get my pants up, throwing a blanket and a few other things that were on the driver's seat across as he walks up. I open the door for him, he asked a bunch of questions: what we were doing, where we lived, if I knew my window tint was illegal (the car was my father's so I didn't know), all kinds of stuff. I panicked, but answered his questions to the best of my ability. He told my partner to get in the front seat and for us to get out of there, and we did ASAP.
We were both worried that he's going to scout the roads for our car, so we took a detour past the local mall. I was shaking the whole way, and then I almost hit a deer on the way back to their house, which is where I'm at currently. I still have to go home and am nervous I'm gonna run into him going home.
If even one of our families finds out about what we were doing, there's no doubts that I'm gonna get my ass whooped. Planning to update this with anything else that happens because of this
Tl;dr my partner and I were fucking around in the backseat of a car, got caught by a cop, and my dad might be told because of an illegal window tint
Edit: clarity
boxing_gloves5: I knew a cop who used to tell teens that he caught fooling around they had one hour to tell their parents what happened because he would be calling them after an hour to tell them himself.
He never called, but probably got a lot of kids to confess.
Throwaway1588442: ACAB
boxing_gloves5: Says the guy who made a throwaway for blind sexting 😂
But I'm sure you're of the highest moral standard and definitely not throwing stones in a glass house.
Throwaway1588442: Nothing wrong with sexting long as it's consensual
boxing_gloves5: No? Then why use a throwaway to do it?
Throwaway1588442: Same reason I don't fuck in public
boxing_gloves5: Oh, so you're one of those people who take reddit super seriously then.
That's probably the reason you don't fuck in public; or in private.
| 8 | 2.5 | |
1672027573 | 1672062581 | t3_zvem1i | t5_2to41 | 395 | bigbaronboi: TIFU by giving my uncle anal lube for Christmas
TIFU by accidentally giving my uncle anal lube for Christmas.
I am beyond horrified.
My girlfriend and I live together and have 2 cats. Despite our best efforts, both of our cats find insane ways to get underneath our bed. All gaps have been blocked off, but they always look for a way under. Next to our bed is a nightstand that has some “personal items” - one of those being lube.
Our apartment is very small, and after I wrapped and bagged some gifts for my family, I put them next to our bed. My gifts to most of my family were gift bags with candy and gift cards.
Flash forward to today: my whole family - aunt, uncle, grandma and cousins - are all opening presents. Myself and all of my cousins are adults. We are seated in a circle at my grandma’s house, everyone opening a gift one by one.
My uncle starts opening his gift from my girlfriend and I. He pulls out a gift card, says a thank you, looks inside the bag and sees some candy, thank you, then pulls out a small bottle and goes silent…
I slowly recognize the bottle and my worst nightmare is confirmed. It’s a small bottle of Adam & Eve FORBIDDEN ANAL LUBE.
I urgently run over and take the bottle and apologize repeatedly. One of my cousins is sitting next to my uncle and is dying of laughter. My uncle quietly chuckles and says “lucky I didn’t say anything”. No one else has noticed as they were all talking amongst themselves.
I go back down to sit with my girlfriend and she doesn’t understand what is going on. I point to my pocket which now has a defined cylinder outline and whisper what happened to her with my face red hot with blood from embarrassment. She is so shocked and taken aback and we are both freaking out.
I don’t know how that got into his gift bag, I can only assume that one of our cats jumped on our nightstand and knocked it off the edge into the bag. My girlfriend and I are absolutely mortified.
At this point my cousin has texted our group chat with all my cousins and we’ve been roasted and killed from embarrassment.
The ironic part is that my girlfriend and I do not even do anal but there is no going back on this and trying to explain that to family. I am horrified that the bottle just HAD to say “FORBIDDEN ANAL LUBE” in all caps and bolded letters.
We can never step foot in grandma’s house again.
TL;DR - My cat knocked a bottle of lube into my uncle’s Christmas gift and he got an awkward surprise gift from his nephew.
a22e: > The ironic part is that my girlfriend and I do not even do anal but there is no going back on this and trying to explain that to family.
Well, no excuses now.
OkVolume1: Yep. Yall gotta go up the Hershey highway or none of this makes sense.
ironroad18: Op's, the girlfriend's, or the uncle's?
OkVolume1: Yes
| 5 | 79 | |
1670123115 | 1670156367 | t3_zbyqbi | t5_2to41 | 10 | [deleted]: TIFU up by not thinking properly while betting on a sports game
[deleted]
hgr129: I'm willing to bet it just cashed out 50 of your 260 and you still have 210 in your account.
As an avid gambler who's used many overseas sites they don't take the winnings just let you cash x amount and leave rhe rest in your account for you to lose at a later date
Southern_Pound_6929: Not exactly what happened, but close. I kust got an email saying that I need to give them some information and then they're going to pay me the remaining amount.
| 3 | 3.333333 | |
1672028442 | 1672075460 | t3_zveurc | t5_2to41 | 37 | killerrubberducky: TIFU By Deciding I Would Eat Whatever I Wanted.
So I (19f) found out at the beginning of this month that I am allergic to wheat. I only ever had one episode of needing to give myself an Epi injection bc of anaphylaxis. Anyways, my parents have adjusted pretty nicely to this new lifestyle and have been making/buying everything gluten free to help me feel better about it.
So skip to last night, Christmas Eve. I was feeling really bummed bc my mom had made christmas cookies for her friends, but obviously they weren’t gluten free (i wasn’t upset about that) i was upset bc she didn’t make other cookies that were gluten free. So i went to be feeling a little discouraged by this, but got over it.
So this morning, I woke up and saw the cookies. I told myself to take my medication (which includes a 24hr allergy pill) and to only have one cookie. Well i’m a binge eater, i can never only eat one of anything. So 3 cookies later, im sitting on the couch while my parents open their gifts.
Itchy, burning, bubbling, blustery hives are all over my upper body. I tell myself they’ll go away eventually. Hahaha wrong. Ended up having a swollen mouth about 45 minutes later.
So i gave myself the Epi and went to the ER. 5 hours later, im home and well.
Yes i fucked up. But at least i learned my lesson.
TL;DR: ate 3 cookies even tho i’m allergic to wheat and ended up in the hospital.
PS; Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays
Jameschoral: This is a great flourless chocolate fudge cookie recipe that’s pretty easy to make, OP.
https://www.kingarthurbaking.com/recipes/flourless-fudge-cookies-recipe
killerrubberducky: thank you so much!
Squigglepig52: sounds like you made a batch of fudge cookie dough all on your own.
killerrubberducky: REAL
| 5 | 7.4 | |
1672028234 | 1672032062 | t3_zvesmo | t5_2to41 | 12 | [deleted]: TIFU by sleeping
[deleted]
SmittyManJensen_: I honestly mean this in the nicest possible terms: you’ve gotta get your shit together. Are you just going through a long string of bad luck or what?
Woodlogs_: Bad luck and bad decisions. Mostly the latter. I’m on the other end of the tunnel though. I’ve got a job and an apartment, and I’m getting a degree. None of those were happening before. Things are looking better than they were. This is just a big step back for me and I needed to vent.
SmittyManJensen_: No worries. I think you should be honest with your partner though. She deserves to know the truth and may be able to meet you halfway. You don’t have to be invincible for her, just present.
Woodlogs_: Okay. That’s a pretty helpful message thank you.
| 5 | 2.4 | |
1670125068 | 1670140624 | t3_zbze0v | t5_2to41 | 1,354 | [deleted]: TIFU by fighting my best friend in the street
[deleted]
BooRoxAlot: Please tell me this was in South Boston. Great tale, OP.
purrhell: Nah, pretty sure it must’ve been Seattle. We had an 8 person fight happen last week and a 10 person fight maybe two days prior to that… 😬
BooRoxAlot: Isn't that a daily stroll to CVS in the Pacific North West?
purrhell: Seems like that’s the case nowadays haha… I’d say the bigger cities are more “active” than the smaller towns/suburbs & bedroom communities, however those areas are starting to see a rise in home invasions (of different varieties) and petty thefts.
| 5 | 270.8 | |
1670126042 | 1670143426 | t3_zbzpd5 | t5_2to41 | 25 | Someguysthrowaway538: TIFU by accidentally hitting a parked car
So yeah, I was planning on watching a movie in theaters and I tried to park my car into this tight empty spot, totally misjudged how much space I had and fucked up my parking job, ended up hitting a car's rear end with my right rear view mirror. I'm 19 and in college, I've had my license for over a year and a half, never had any accidents or anything, clean record. I panicked and parked elsewhere, then wrote a note and then left. I was too anxious to go by the car again, I just took a pic of the left tail light which I damaged and made a small 2 inch scratch on the body. The owner then calls me and tells me his car is a Mercedes and that he's from Missouri (I'm in IL) and he was just visiting someone and returning home tomorrow. He seems reasonable (I sure hope so) enough and said he'd send me a quote from a repair shop soon. I'm using my parents insurance and I can't file a claim because the price will jump a ton. He said paying him through the mail is fine, but I don't have high hopes for how much repairs will cost. More than likely well over $1k. Not really a funny post ig, I'm just totally fucked now and overwhelmed with different feelings and worries. I felt too guilty about not leaving a note and just driving off, plus was paranoid about possible cameras or people seeing me.
TL;DR: I'm an idiot and severely fucked up parking, hit a Mercedes from a different state and might be looking at $2k in damages
PizzaTacoCat312: If it makes you feel any better I've hit a parked car too once.
Someguysthrowaway538: Was considering just leaving right then and there and I might've possibly saved myself all this trouble and extreme stress and anxiety I've had the past 7 hours, but my morality kicked in. It truly seems easier to live as a total asshole then to have a moral compass
megapyton66: Yes, for assholes it is. Be proud you are a decent person!
| 4 | 6.25 | |
1672030987 | 1672053895 | t3_zvfk0d | t5_2to41 | 10,091 | Artichoke_Quirky: TIFU having sex at my bf’s family’s house and ending up in the ER on Boxing Day
I’ve been with my bf for nearly two years, only met his family once last Christmas as we live on the other side of the country. Pretty much, the night before Christmas eve, me and my partner had sex and at one point I felt his dick hit my cervix. Was momentarily painful but we changed position and continued and all was well. That was until ten minutes after we finished. I ended up with immense cramps and hardly able to sleep, but didn’t want to complain about it because I felt embarrassed about how it happened. Spent the whole of Christmas Eve cuddled up with a pillow nursing my sore stomach and by Christmas Day it felt slightly better. We spent the day at the beach and all was well, until that night. This is where I fucked up. I felt a lot better and decided to have sex again, like an idiot. It made the pain ten times worse and I ended up throwing up from the pain. Had to go to hospital that morning and have my insides poked at by the doctors to make sure my iud hadn’t gotten dislodged. Turns out, I’ve got a contusion in my cervix and am banned from sex for three weeks until it heals. His whole family now knows because his sister is a doctor and he had to ask her for advice before we went to the ER (they live out in the middle of nowhere so it was nearly an hour drive) and I ended up spewing in the car twice on the way there. I’m now nursing my damaged stomach and bruised ego while his family pretends to not know how I got so sick. My last week here is going to be so much fun.
TL;DR got punched in the cervix by bf’s huge dick twice in three days and ended up in the ER. Doctor sister told fam after being asked advice.
Edit: updated TL;DR
eatshitake: How does his whole family know if he only spoke to his sister?
sabbiecat: Sister is a blabber mouth?
Artichoke_Quirky: Yeah, sister couldn’t keep her mouth shut essentially
eatshitake: Then she's a pretty shitty doctor. Even if you're not her patient in a professional capacity, she still shouldn't be talking about people she has given medical advice to. Maybe remind her of that if you ever see her again.
SlabOmir: HIPPA laws
eatshitake: It’s HIPAA and that doesn’t apply here. Patient confidentiality does though.
Arrasor: OP wasn't het patient though.
eatshitake: She’s a doctor and she was asked for medical advice on that basis. What kind of doctor is she that the second she doesn’t think her professional oath applies, she spreads their business around?
Arrasor: Did she examine, diagnose, treat OP or agree to examine, diagnose or treat OP? No? Then there is no patient-doctor relationship whatsoever. Telling someone to go get medical help at a proper facility doesn't establish patient-doctor relationship, what I listed above do. Is it a dick move here? For sure. Did she violate any professional oath or whatever? Nope.
eatshitake: Just say you condone her shitty behaviour and go.
Incidentally, there are a myriad of reasons that lawyers are not supposed to give legal advice to close friends and family and one of them is there is no attorney/client privilege. But if someone came to me and told me they committed a crime or wanted a divorce for some embarrassing reason, I still would not go around blabbing about it. Just because you're not at work, it doesn't mean you're not a professional.
Arrasor: That's a very roundabout way to say "I don't know anything about the legality or ethic of the matter but I feel it should be this way". Well, lucky for professionals out there, your opinion is not reality-based. In fact, if someone tell you they commit a crime and there is no attorney/client relationship, the ethical and moral thing to do is to report (or should I say blabbing?) their crime, as any law abiding citizen should do.
eatshitake: Lawyers don’t snitch, you absolute idiot. Ethically, she’s also a fucking idiot. No wonder you’re on the same side.
Arrasor: That's quite laughable coming from someone saying lawyers would risk jail time and reprimands from their state bar to protect people who aren't their clients. In quite a few states, not reporting a violent crime/crime against children is a misdemeanor with jail time attached to it. Ethically, she's safe, but you? You would at least get a reprimand from state bar or worse, an ethical investigation depending on the kind and severity of the crime you don't "snitch".
| 14 | 720.785714 | |
1672033406 | 1672064914 | t3_zvg7j3 | t5_2to41 | 23 | imapacifist: TIFU by ignoring a broken tooth and being unemployed and broke.
Merry Christmas! My (43M) mouth if fucking killing me and ibuprofen stopped working!
So I’ve been unemployed since the start of the pandemic and have been living off savings and looking to start a new career since then. Some consulting things have worked on an off, but I received a job offer with an Reputable Employer, but with an opaque onboarding process in August and was expecting to be working by October, or November at worst case.
Then for some unknown reason, I was informed on the first week of December, that it could be 3-6 months before I start!
That same week my tooth started to ache a tiny bit once in a while.
I knew this tooth was an issue but haven’t had health and dental insurance for a while as a way to make savings last, so I was ready to hold out til my job started.
So now I have about 300 in savings and 1500 in credit and I’m not sure I can sleep tonight for how much and often it’s hurting. The only thing that stops the aching is a mouthful of cool water at this point, but it only works for around 5 minutes.
I have a place to live at least, and a loving (probably too generous) family, and tomorrow—hopefull—ythey can help me, when I finally ask for help, and get this fucking tooth pulled.
I don’t know if anyone cares to read this, or why I even wrote it other than a distraction. It’s not really working anyway.
Oh yeah, and I’m taking a shit, and there’s only 2 squares of TP in here, ha!!!! Waddle of shame if that doesn’t cut it I guess.
TLDR: lost job, slacked, spent savings, broke tooth on Christmas morning, and now I’m out of TP while my in-laws play cards in the next room.
Edit: Thanks for the advice and commiseration. It sucks that there are so many of us out there. I’ve managed to control the pain a bit better with big Motrin and breathing cool air on it (can sleep with my mouth a little open actually). All the offices are still closed for Xmas in my area, so looks like one more night ahead (but less rough).
PS. I know that the pin reducing can be a bad thing, but I think at the moment its just better managed and I’m calling every open place in the morning. Just shitty timing with the holiday. ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
After Dentist Edit: We’ll there’s no avoiding the $160 referrals racket. It’s tooth #4 and it comes out Thursday morning. She thought it was savable but then estimated $3500+ for a root canal and crown. Or $378 to remove it. I’m already missing 3 & 2 behind it, so hopefully a partial denture will work there when I can afford it.
jacantu: The water trick works wonders for even those five minutes of relief. Don’t lay down because that equalizes that’ll make it worse. You’re at the point of no return so just alternate whatever you can freeze until tomorrow. Good luck.
imapacifist: I found a way to cool it with my mouth open and slept an hour before my son got up. It’s somehow not hurting at the moment, gonna sleep an hour and starting calling around for availability.
| 3 | 7.666667 | |
1672034540 | 1672064082 | t3_zvgipr | t5_2to41 | 4,899 | Scrubatl: TIFU by telling my 5yo he could play his game
TLDR: told kid he could play his fake switch game and he actually stuck it inside the cartridge port,
I was on the can, and my 5 yo opens the door and shows me his “switch” game he made. Looked pretty good to me. He cut a piece of cardboard about the right size and then cut a picture if something and glued it on top of the cardboard. I tell him good job, now close the door and let me finish. Few minutes later he comes back asking if he could play his new game. Me, thinking this is cute, tell him to go ahead, thinking he going to pretend play.
Bad idea. As I’m washing my hands I hear him yell out, “dad, it won’t play”. I’m like what??? And then quickly realize that he put the cardboard in the cartridge port for the switch. I’m cracking up cause this is like a 5 yo to think it would work or something. I grab a pair of tweezers to pull it out, but it’s jammed in there. Takes me a minute to work it out and all seems good. Nope…..
He wants to play a game so I put a real one In And the switch says it can’t read the cartridge. Wtf…. Grab another game, and sane thing. I take it out and shins a flashlight inside and see that a pin is bent. I drop a few curse words…. Wife asks if it’s fucked and I tell her maybe. Kiddo is sad and wifey consoles him.
I take apart tons of stuff, so I grab my tools. FYI parents, check out ifixit for tear down and repair guides for tons of electronics. I pull up the switch guide for the cartridge board replacement and get down to taking this thing apart to see if I can fix it. I finally pull the board out and then am able to bend the two pins back into place. Put it back together and test it and it works. Saved Christmas. Took about an hour to take apart and put back together. I tell kiddo that only games go into the switch and that mom or dad have to do it for him from now on.
Lesson learned for both of us. No more unsupervised gaming for him and no more nonsensical authorizations from me.
Anchovieee: Glad you were able to fix it!
Scrubatl: I was sweating it for a bit and pulled up replacement boards while telling the wife that most likely we won’t need to buy a new one, and maybe just a part. Still can’t believe he thought the cardboard game would actually work. Like he was genuinely disappointed that a his new “game” wouldn’t play.
D3vilUkn0w: Oh yeah. That's prime 5 year old imagination at work. I tell non parents the first 5 years are a long struggle to prevent your kid from either killing himself or breaking stuff via the application of "kid logic"
Time_Punk: When I was five I was pretending to be a pterodactyl and jumped off the very top of the jungle gym. My foot got caught in between the vertical bars of the outer enclosure, and I swung around, smacking my face on the corkscrew slide below, leaving me dangling upside-down from the top level by my cowboy boot. As I was dangling there, nose bleeding, I had an immediate epiphany: *”what, in the heck, was I THINKING?? Did I really think I could FLY??”* It was seriously like I just smacked self-awareness into myself right then and there. I don’t even remember crying; just dangling there, coming to the self-realization of how misleading my own brain could be, as I watched the upside-down scene of my kindergarten teacher, freaking out, running out to dislodge me.
jellyphitch: Omg imagine if you hadn't gotten your foot caught? That probably saved you from worse injury.
Time_Punk: Oh, definitely! The cowboy boot as well: less sturdy foot gear and I would have definitely messed up my ankle pretty bad.
| 7 | 699.857143 | |
1672034812 | 1672063978 | t3_zvgl9s | t5_2to41 | 381 | yax51: TIFU by almost getting me and my family killed
TIFU by almost getting my wife, two kids, and myself killed. We were driving home from my parents after spending the day with them and the rest of the family for Christmas. The roads were a bit icy, so I had slowed down to 45 mph on the freeway. Still was slipping a bit, but thought "it'll be fine". I tried to break a bit, and ended up breaking too hard and started to spin out.I wasn't able to get control and we crashed into the snow berm and up on to the guard rail, overlooking about a 200 ft drop. The front end was over the edge, and the back tires were stuck into the snow bank. Another foot or so and we would have been over the edge.
Yesterday my wife had a bad feeling about Today, and told me repeatedly that she had a bad feeling about going to my parents on Christmas. I dismissed it as financial stress (as we are basically broke ATM, but will soon be fine. New job and all), and convinced her it was nothing.
TL;DR I ignored the misgivings of my wife and the icy road conditions and almost drove my car with my wife and two kids off a cliff.
MyDadBod_2021: Glad you are ok... hopefully things turn around financially, too
yax51: Thanks. The realization of what happened is hitting me now, and I'm barely hanging on.
As for the finances, they will get better soon. Just started a new job (that is almost double what I was making previously) and haven't got a full paycheck yet.
patriickz: So you lived paycheck to paycheck which is also not good 😜
xolana_: ?? When you’re on a low income and have bills and kids to pay for…you literally have no other option. I speak as someone on a pretty low income saving/investing 60% of my paycheck. I realise my privilege as I don’t pay rent/bills. If I did I’d be homeless. Not everyone can afford an emergency fund.
| 5 | 76.2 | |
1670711719 | 1670797112 | t3_zi5u6n | t5_2to41 | 5,049 | throwaway78_85: TIFU by wearing a thong (warning: gross)
Edit: I'm gonna answer some questions to clear up a few misconceptions.
I go commando when I wear leggings, but I don't wear leggings all the time. I'm not commando as often as this story probably makes it seem, but the visual marker of me having leggings on definitely played a role in skipping over pulling down undies. I've seen a few people raise concerns over discharge and periods, and I want to say that obviously, I am not going commando on days that I have high amounts of discharge or am on my period. I may be silly, but I'm not stupid.
You guys also have to realize the sheer urgency in which I had to use the bathroom. This was a full-on emergency, and I had made it worse because I couldn't go immediately. I was basically releasing before I completely sat down, so I didn't really have time to remember, pull down undies, and go.
My boyfriend knows now, and he has not stopped making fun of me for it. I am now shit girl. fml.
Of course, I don't expect y'all to blindly believe an internet story. This was a funny thing that happened to me, and I wanted to share. Just look at the number of people that have had this EXACT thing happen to them in the comments. Listen, I wish I knew how to prove the validity of this story. If anyone has any ideas, I'll take 'em.
--------
Throwaway account because the digital footprint I'm about to make with this one is insane.
This all started yesterday, when my boyfriend decided that he wanted me to take his virginity. I wanted the experience to be as special as possible, so I bought a cute little red thong from Walmart. It was like 20 dollars, and it was pretty nice for a Walmart thong. I buy it, I wear it, we have a great night.
This morning, before I go into work, he dares me to wear the same pretty red thong all day as a sort of humiliation thing. That's fine with me! It's not like anyone will notice, I'm gonna be wearing opaque leggings all day.
It's halfway through the day, and I've forgotten that I'm even wearing it. Great! But suddenly, I started to feel this deep rumbling in my gut. I had eaten some questionable tuna salad before heading into work, and it had decided to turn that question into a very clear answer.
At this point, I'm at work, so I have to finish the task at hand before I can make a speedy escape to the staff bathroom. Once I'm done, I'm almost doubled over by the intense pressure rising in my intestines. I am hearing gurgle after gurgle, bubble after bubble, and I'm definitely starting to feel things moving around in there. I get to the bathroom and, in a swift move, pull down my pants to relieve myself. I let it all out. It feels great and smells terrible. We're talking full on Hershey Squirts. The type that makes you want to climb the walls of the bathroom in order to make it stop. I'm fighting for my life within these 4 steel stall walls, and there's nobody coming to help.
And then I realize.
I had pulled down my pants, yes, but this pretty, lacy little thong was still tucked neatly betwixt the cheeks. I usually go commando when wearing leggings to eliminate panty lines, so I didn't think anything of it until I realized that I had essentially strained my feces through this little piece of cheesecloth.
For a long time, I just sat in shock. I couldn't believe that I had actually shat my underpants. But then, I got to work. I waited until the restroom was completely empty, and then i peeled off my shoes and leggings. I pulled the thong off, careful to keep it from touching anything in the stall. Then, I wrapped it in a HUGE wad of toilet paper and put it into the little wastebasket for feminine hygiene products. I pulled up my leggings, and here I am, walking through my job, commando as always, because I actually shat my pants.
TL;DR: I tried to be cute and bought a thong to wear for my boyfriend, and I ended up creating a very (literally) shitty situation for myself.
VoidCoelacanth: This is why women should always carry one of those tiny fabric scissors - the ones barely longer than a small finger - IMO.
Hell, men probably should too, but gonna take way longer to cut thru boxers/briefs with tiny scissors than a thong.
Philosopherski: How often do you shit your britches if you need an emergency extraction tool on hand?
ILikeFPS: Probably as often as needing a poop knife.
Montanapat89: It was only a matter of time before the poop knife made an appearance.
flipside888: I was hoping everyone forgot about the poop knife.
Montanapat89: The poop knife will never be forgotten. It is in the Reddit Hall of Fame. Well, not the actual knife but the story is legendary.
flipside888: Yes of course....the poop knife and the cumconut will forever haunt us all.
| 8 | 631.125 | |
1672035715 | 1672091912 | t3_zvgtrq | t5_2to41 | 122 | [deleted]: Tifu by bailing on my boyfriend’s family’s Christmas
I love him with all my heart and met his huge family for the first time since we started dating 6 months ago. The day began with his father picking Fox News-fueled political fights with me every time my bf left the room. I’d literally be sitting on the sofa and my bf would get up to help with something in the kitchen and his dad would ask for my opinion on something controversial out of the blue (kneeling during football national anthems; the demise of the coal industry; Trump v Biden; you name it). Had to meet about six thousand extended family members who all knew each other and like to argue. Bf made some sexist comments at my expense that made me want to die of cringe.
I became acutely aware that aside from myself all the women were busting their asses in the kitchen and the men/boys were doing jack shit and the vibe felt gross. To boot, my own family not only made zero effort to contact me and wish me a merry Christmas but didn’t respond to my texts attempting to do the same. I had slept terribly the night before after driving all day. Dinner wasn’t going to be ready until 9:30 pm and i also hadn’t eaten anything other than half a portion of beef jerky since 12/23. I felt literally sick and tired and i just… left.
Now my bf thinks I’m a brat and his family likely hates me. I realized that the secret santa gift for bf’s dad that i paid for was still in the trunk of the car so I did drive back over there so bf could get it but that’s it. I was done. I haven’t had a nice Christmas since childhood and i just hate this holiday. All i see are happy stories everywhere and all this good cheer and I can’t relate.
TL;DR i just kind of lost it and couldn’t cope with my boyfriend’s huge family Christmas and now his family thinks I’m an asshole. I guess i am.
0shocklink: Minor annoyances and small problems become big later on. If you see this as a serious relationship with potential, you might want to consider the future and family dynamics. Political divides these days are not just political, they have moral under tones and they say a lot about a person apart from being D or R. If this is an issue for you, you should reconsider your relationship.
XavierHigdon: Politics have moral undertones? No, they don't. There's just people who make politics their morals because they lack morals anywhere else. If my voting choice is what makes me moral, then I can do whatever I want the other 729 days that I'm not voting.
I don't know of a single family who has healthy relationships that agrees on politics. The moment someone starts saying that you're killing people by voting Republican, you need to exclude that person from your life.
gerishnakov: Politics absolutely have moral undertones. Everything has moral undertones. Dismissing the notion itself betrays your own morals, as does the particular example you choose to give at the end of your post.
XavierHigdon: Haha, that example was meant to trigger psychopaths like you. Voting Republican doesn't kill anyone, just like voting Democrat doesn't kill anyone.
Your problem is that you think you're morals are superior even though they consist of a single activity every 2 to 4 years that has no impact on anything. Trump was in office for 4 years. The world didn't end. Obama was in office for 8 years. The world didn't end. Casting a ballot in a free country isn't a choice between right and wrong. It's more like the choice between soup or salad.
I'm sorry that your family is dysfunctional and so cannot get along without extreme limits on the words that can be said. That has to be stressful and exhausting.
gerishnakov: Wow, way to say more about yourself than I could possibly have elicited. Honestly, I've not seen a better example of projection in a long time.
XavierHigdon: lmao, you're just all over the place. Tell me, what does pointing out that the world didn't end when people voted for one political party over another reveal about me?
gerishnakov: It's not the facts of what you're saying that are revealing, but the way you're saying them.
XavierHigdon: What? Dude, that makes no sense. If it's the way I'm saying them, then just tell me what it's supposedly revealing. It seems like you're just a moron who wants to feel superior by saying that you voted one way or the other, but go ahead, explain how I'm a bad person because I don't vote Republican.
gerishnakov: Literally every time you reply you give more examples in your language of why you're the asshole here. I'll help you out once in this response by quoting you: "it seems like you're just a moron who wants to feel superior"; calling people morons on the internet is a first class ticket to sounding like an asshole.
XavierHigdon: I don't care if I sound like an asshole lol. I'm really not concerned about your feelings. Grow up and get over it. You claimed that the example I used, that anybody who says that voting Republican kills people is a psychopath who should be excluded from your life, revealed more about me than you could have elicited. Then you claimed that I was projecting. Then you said it wasn't what I said, but how I was saying it that was revealing. But you've never said what I was supposedly revealing. Is it just that you're overly sensitive and that you get your feelings hurt on the internet all the time? Cuz that's got nothing to do with me, kiddo.
gerishnakov: I am so done with you. Have a nice life dipshit.
XavierHigdon: Oh no, whatever will I do with... What's your name? Ah, shit, I really don't feel bad at all about this. Anyways, you have fun being miserable with your family, always worried that you're gonna say the wrong thing or be cancelled. I'll do the same, except, ya know, I won't be miserable or worried. I will be having fun, though, so thanks for your well wishes!
pullerpusher3000: Fun little story! Every time you vote for a candidate that is funded by pacs and super pacs are making laws for them and not you! So technically, you are killing people because these politicians are keeping things like insulin astronomically high, then tying your health insurance to your job in order for you to maintain a semblance of balance in order to just work. Don't forget where these people get their money from in order to continuously campaign! But sure, keep on acting like you got the answers to everything, mate! You literally suck the air out of a room!
XavierHigdon: Damn, you mean a vote for Joe Biden was a vote to kill someone?
| 15 | 8.133333 | |
1672035987 | 1672046418 | t3_zvgw80 | t5_2to41 | 19 | FrozenHoneyflakes: TIFU by drinking way too much alcohol the night before.
Yesterday was Christmas and I was out with my family for some quality time together.
We were back home around 7 pm , and decided to put a nice family movie on while me and my dad mutually agreed upon having a few drinks and getting ourselves some dinner too.
Now, I am not a frequent get-me-some-drinks-already guy, therefore I do not really "LOVE" drinking, be it any kind , if it has alcohol I'd not be drinking it unless I'm with my friends or my family. And I have never really been drunk , ever. So I thought to myself, "What is it about alcohol that so many people LOVE?"
"Why do they even find something as tasteless as this even addictive?"
And so I made this really stupid decision to find it out myself by getting drunk to my full capacity.
For starters, I had already eaten up to my fullest and so my dinner was done even before starting with my drinks (I don't like having any kind of drinks alongside my food). After that, I poured myself a 60 of some vodka , diluted with some soda , it started kicking in like 10 minutes , but It didn't really made me feel drunk. So I went ahead poured myself a 90 and decided to take it further by diluting it a bit lesser than earlier. Another 10 minutes pass and I feel not much a difference.
However, at that point i had started to feel hungry cuz of all the alcohol that went in. So my dumbass decided to eat again (mind you that I have a very restricted appetite and I don't really eat a lot, besides I had already stuffed myself earlier with food) just this time I also poured myself my last drink of another 90 with nearly no dilution at all.
I was able to get through all that eating and drinking with no problem whatsoever. After the third round I still felt everything was normal and I didn't feel the need to have more of it even after 30 minutes. So I decided to just go to sleep since I did feel the alcohol kicking in anyway which I usually felt otherwise when I used to drink in my usual capacity.
I stood up and I could see the floor slipping out of my feet, things started looking distorted to me and I was losing balance and control. It was as if I got hit by a truck head on since I had also started having headache almost immediately.
Skip to today morning, I am laying on my bed my dad wakes me up asking me if I am okay to which I obviously say "no" and he proceeds to tell me how I was walking into walls and apologizing thinking I walked into my family members. Seems like I also puked everything I ate and drunk all over in the bathroom, what's suprised me though is that I also SOMEHOW ended up cleaning the mess I made SPOTLESS.
I have a sore throat right now the possible explanation is that I must have vigorously puked everything out.
I also can't eat or drink anything at the moment, since I am puking out everything that goes in me as of. The doc has advised a week long bed rest and a tonne of medications since I have successfully managed to fuck up my digestion as well got myself some kind of alcohol infection.
I now hate alcohol even more and have decided to quit drinking completely since it does no good to me and doesn't really make me feel happy or whatever it is supposed to make the others feel ig.
Thanks for reading so far.
Tl,DR : Had too much alcohol to see why people love drinking so much and ended up getting myself a week long bed rest as well as a stomach infection.
lizabellarose1234: It's not stomach infection it's called a hangover newbie lol
zeroth1: Lol yeah. You will be fine by tomorrow.
FrozenHoneyflakes: That'd be a great thing if I did.
But like I'm pretty sure this is not normal , Im still having trouble eating anything at all.
lizabellarose1234: It's normal
FrozenHoneyflakes: Oh okay. Thanks !
| 6 | 3.166667 | |
1670375775 | 1670953775 | t3_zeo433 | t5_2to41 | 15,133 | [deleted]: TIFU I Overdosed my family on Thanksgiving
[deleted]
isingthedarkness: I once brought some infused gingerbread cookies for Thanksgiving. Willing participants only also. My pops kept eating them, having a great time. Got too stoned, woke up in the middle of the night with munchies and ate leftovers from the fridge. About 4am my ma woke me up, freaking out that pops was throwing up blood. I check in on him, and the bathroom looks like a horror film. I check the fridge. It's not blood. The man ate 3/4 of a big jello dessert in the night. It was red.
He doesn't like red jello things to be in the house anymore.
speedycat2014: This kind of thing is the reason I have a personal, "No blue food" rule.
galvinb1: I have thrown up blue liquid so violently that I watched it mid stream turn into green as it started to mix with the yellow bile. It was quite bizzare.
coolcootermcgee: Oh. Well that beats my story of my nephew throwing up little pink worms all over my screen door- after he drank two strawberry wine coolers and a bowl of ramen
AcrolloPeed: Oh man. I once drank a bottle of Merlot and ate two cans of progresso chicken noodle soup and barfed up purple rotini on my girlfriend’s porch.
Tinctorus: What kind of mix was that to begin with 😂
KwordShmiff: It's a struggle meal lmfao. Box wine for the maximum effect/price ratio, and two cans of soup because they were on sale, buy one get one free, and one isn't enough to be filling anyway. Consume it all too quickly at the end of a long day at work, and before long it's making a comeback tour through your esophagus.
Tinctorus: 😂😂😂I tend to eat /drink far too fast and find myself puking quite often, turning 40 was a bitch... I got acid reflux and had to give up spicy food which I loved, cant drink like I used to without feeling like shit for days on end, body hurts all over 😂 fuck getting old
ScumbagLady: In January I had to have emergency gallbladder surgery. I thought my acid reflux was just my life, and that the times of excruciating pain where I felt like my chest was about to explode was normal...
It wasn't.
First surgery ever. First ambulance ride ever. Longest stay in hospital ever (6 days). And the most pain I've had since child birth!
Just turned 42 in October and yes, fuck getting old!
Tinctorus: Fuck, I've never had surgery either, and the last 3 weeks I been having this aching pain that is on my lower left abdomen, not a bad pain but it kinfa feels like gas but it's been a while now, I got an appointment on the 22nd and I been trying to keep my anxiety in check until then
ScumbagLady: You'll be fine! No need to worry, because that won't help anything.
I'm my elderly mother's caregiver, and I'll tell you what I tell her: Our words and thoughts are very powerful. Why use that power negatively? Believe in good health, believe in good news from doctors. Never assume worst case scenarios or you might convince your body you're right.
Also, if it helps, when my gallbladder was the angriest it's ever been, it felt like an alien wanted to burst out of my chest and start tap-dancing. There was no comfortable position. It would usually go away after an hour or so, but that time it had been feeling that way for over 12 hours before I called the ambulance.
Nevertheless, good on you for making an appointment to get it checked out. My gallbladder wouldn't have been in the shape it was if I had gotten things checked out sooner.
I feel invested in your health now, and expect an update from you after your appointment. Good thoughts only. Can't wait to hear the good news!
Tinctorus: Lol I actually ended up having an earlier appointment open up yesterday so I went, turns out I got a small hernia on my side and that's what is causing the pain, they said it's up to me if I want it fixed if it bothers me enough, if not I could just leave it because it's not serious
Said just be careful with any lifting etc
ScumbagLady: Oh! See! That's not so bad! Glad you were able to get in sooner, I know it's really stressful waiting for answers. Hope you're feeling better, and thank you for the update! Take care!
| 14 | 1,080.928571 | |
1672040128 | 1673081345 | t3_zvhxdo | t5_2to41 | 6 | BeingGayIsPrettyGay: TIFU by breaking up with my girlfriend the day after Christmas and 5 days before her birthday
I haven’t talked to my girlfriend in a little while and I’m currently halfway across the continent from her, so when she brought up how I haven’t been talking, I thought “why not break the news that I wanna break up?”. I’ve been thinking about it for a little while (by a little while I mean 2 months. We’ve been dating for 4.) so I thought I might as well get it over and done with.
Well now I feel like a complete asshole because I just remembered that Christmas was yesterday and her birthday is in 5 days. Way to go me.
It’s only been 30 minutes but she hasn’t responded, and she usually responds within seconds, so I can tell she’s very upset. I know I shouldn’t feel bad because she’s been an asshole to me and my friends sometimes, but I really know she can be a good person, she just hasn’t had many friends so she doesn’t understand (I probably would’ve been like that if I didn’t Google how to be a good friend one random night).
Also I feel like I should say I’m an afab nonbinary person and we’re both in high school. I know high school relationships never end well, but I was hoping that this one would have at least a semi-decent ending. She was my first relationship, and I was her first
TL;DR : broke up with my high school girlfriend 1 day after Christmas and 5 days before her birthday
mmmyesplease---: Breaking up with somebody via text is super disrespectful, for future dating. If she was just not compatible with you, and you’re not in any danger interacting, breaking up in conversation makes you look like you respect her as a human who was willing to invest time in you, not just a stepping stone for your love life.
BeingGayIsPrettyGay: I would’ve loved to break up with her in person, but I’m halfway across the continent from her, so I didn’t really have that much of a choice.
mmmyesplease---: Zoom/FaceTime is a thing for breaking up “face-to-face” in LDRs. Again, it sucks hurting somebody in a breakup if it wasn’t meant to be, but it shows respect for the other person and an acknowledgment of the time put into the relationship.
| 4 | 1.5 | |
1670140048 | 1670142590 | t3_zc3ses | t5_2to41 | 9 | [deleted]: TIFU by reading a comment my husband posted online.
[deleted]
iamarubberglove: Did your husband consent to having his phone looked through? it seems like he just made bad joke on social media and you’re taking it personally. It’s not like you found him hitting up some ladies DMs. This comment is relatively tame although stupid yeah.
I don’t mean any disrespect. Maybe take sometime to reevaluate your situation cause you seem a bit insecure and uncomfortable with sexuality.
Important-Aside-507: This is it, and frankly it’s okay!! I find this to be an issue, and as long as you can sit down and talk to your partner and make sure you understand each other and are on the same page. Sometimes there’s somethings that didn’t get talked about are and blurry. That sounds like it’s the case. Reddit loves to tell people to break up when the answer is clearly communication. Relationships require some sacrifice, from both parties, on clear grounds and equal terms.
| 3 | 3 | |
1672045356 | 1672050559 | t3_zvj80e | t5_2to41 | 12 | i-yeet-a-lot: TIFU by using my mom's "adult toy" as a back massager.
Today I fucked up by using my mom's new sex toy as a back massager. Let me explain. Also, English isn't my first language, so sorry it there's grammar/spelling mistakes.
For context, I'm a female teenager. My family has this tradition where we open presents on Christmas Eve. We've been doing it forever. Last night (currently Christmas evening where I am), my mom got a "back massager" from my dad. One of those nice, expensive, electric ones. One of those "wand" types, if you know what I mean.
TBH, both were being "weird" about it for lack of a better word, and my mom seemed "overly excited". But that's the way they always are around Christmas, or so I thought. Should have been a red flag, but I was distracted cuz Christmas.
This morning, I thought I'd try it out (on my back). It was actually pretty nice. There was a bit of "grease" (RED FLAG!) on it, but I just wiped it off.
Important to note that we usually share and use each other's gifts freely, so it's not like I was doing something not allowed. Said item was left out in the open in the living room.
When my mom came downstairs, she looked at me in horror and quickly turned around and went back upstairs. She came down with my dad a few minutes later. They both looked mortified.
They struggled to keep calm while explaining that I was massaging my back with what my mom had already used as a sex toy the night before. I was soon the mortified one. I set that thing down so fast, I practically threw it.
It's important to note that sex isn't particularly "bad" in our house. I've always respected my parent's "private time", and they've always done the same for me. I guess I just somehow missed the red flags that were so big, they almost turned the sky red (bad joke attempt, I know).
Anyway, I'm really grossed out (not by my parents "doing it" in general, but did she really have to leave it out in the living room when she was done!?) and Christmas will probably be ruined for me forever.
I just can't shake the memory of the "grease", tho. I really, really hope it was just lube or sweat or something. That was a sentence I thought I'd never say.
TL;DR: My mom used her new "back massager" as a sex toy, left it out in the living room, and I massaged my back with it. The memory of the "grease" on it will permanently scar me.
RudeSprinkles1240: You're a 40 year old man, aren't you?
i-yeet-a-lot: WTF? I'm a teenager???
RudeSprinkles1240: Okay
| 4 | 3 | |
1672045304 | 1672069143 | t3_zvj7jk | t5_2to41 | 11 | WorstLuckButBestLuck: TIFU by cooking to cope with the holidays
I am not a good cook, far from it. I work in food service, but like any sane person who can't follow a recipe, or make a roux, or bake—I dodge all cooking responsibilities like my life depends on it. I know all the cross contamination rules, regularly go around dutifully temping chicken to 165 at work, but at home...I admit I suddenly lose common sense. I'm prone to not paying attention.
Like any person in therapy spending a major holiday alone I thought "oh, wouldn't it be a good idea to try something challenging and time consuming. I'm going to make chicken enchiladas and brownies (not very Christmas, but I'm picky), and this will be fun. It'll show that I'm coping well and it'll improve my skills." Therapist readily agrees, far better than drinking like last year.
I'd bought all the ingredients a week ago, and maybe there were a few red flags—on sale chicken gives me heebie jeebies, and yeah my veggie was a week expired, but I'd eaten worse regularly IMO.
I'm pretty sure cooking from 4am to 7am, at some point my very, very, very dumb self knowingly and without much thought used the same utensil to stir something that had handled raw chicken. Obviously, very bad.
I didn't eat the chicken, which was the only thing I'd dutifully checked to make sure had no pink before shredding it and putting it in enchiladas. But I won't dismiss I likely used the fork to shred meat as the same one to mix white sauce and veggies.
I finish, decide I'm not that hungry, eat a few of the veggies, some rice and cut a slice of brownie and go off to nap.
It takes 2 hours. I begin having like feverish flashbacks and then realize my vision is incredibly blurry. I bolt up and to the tub and begin the next hellish torment of my life. If I was unhappy being alone and healthy on Christmas, boy was it less fun alone and sick out of my mind.
I got food poisoning. Was it the egg? The veggie? The rice? The dang chicken? Flour? God knows what; never cooking again.
I've spent the last 12 hours laying on my bathroom floor losing fluids from all ends in a survival horror task management cycle of pain and just now feel the intervals are good enough I can go lay down in bed.
TL;DR: I am not a good cook. Cooking and inattention are a recipe for food poisoning, and that's exactly what I got. Gonna just depression binge video games next major holiday to cope with loneliness.
NeitherBox6915: Try sous vide. It's much more forgiving. Sorry you got sick.
Also check out the ted talk called "Failing at normal" if you haven't.
WorstLuckButBestLuck: I'll check out the video, ty
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1672049183 | 1672096452 | t3_zvk4x1 | t5_2to41 | 43 | JolissaMassacre: TIFU by accidentally cutting my nipple.
My clumsiness took itself to the next level. After hitting my head hard enough for a skull bruise & a concussion at work, I somehow managed to cut my nipple, when I wanted to shave my armpit.
TIFU & it burns like hell, idk how I managed to not accidentally kms in the last 25 years.
Boyfriend had a decent laugh, it still hurts.
Learn from my mistakes - don't ever rush your shaving routine. It's only a small cut, thanks god but I don't want to imagine the embarassement if it would've been a new, super sharp razor in an ER tbh.
Please tell me I'm not the only one who manages to always end up in such stupid, senseless accidents - sourced in being clumsy.
Protip - _don't use any soap anymore after an incident like this!_
PS - if you think, a paper cut on your finger hurts, it doesn't.
PPS - Still amazed how it burns so much, but it's almost impossible to see it. Tiny cuts still seem to hurt the most.
TL;DR : title says it all, accidentally cut my nipple while shaving my armpits.
RudeSprinkles1240: When I was about 7 months pregnant, my family had a kitchen table with the legs cut down as a coffee table. The table slid apart, so that you could put a "leaf" (basically a board) between the two halves of the circular table.
I was sitting on the floor doing school work on the table, but the table kind of wiggled apart, so I slammed the table back together, pinching my nipple between the two halves of the table. My engorged, vascular nipple.
I'm still fairly shocked that my nipple didn't end up falling off. It turned an alarming shade of purple and oozed blood for hours. I also managed to finish the work I was doing.
So I guess I was a bit clumsy too?
Mauledbysilk: Clutching my boob in sympathy as I read this.
[deleted]: I'm a man and I did the same.
| 4 | 10.75 | |
1670145068 | 1670150435 | t3_zc538x | t5_2to41 | 34 | WhichConsequence2642: TIFU by killing my gfs dog.
[removed]
ImdaPrincesse2: You literally abused a dog to death.
I hope she calls the police. You are disgusting.
WhichConsequence2642: She was ok, walking along side me, when I sent her out the dog door.
ImdaPrincesse2: Per your post "I angrily grabbed her by the bandana."
You literally abused the dog to death.
TidalLion: If the dog was being choked then maybe. Not excusing OP's behavior here. You shouldn't grab a dog's collar or bandanna from behind, do it from the side and ONLY in certain situations. This wasn't one if em.
ImdaPrincesse2: The dog is old and senile. You do not ever manhandle an animal by the scruff because of URINE.
TidalLion: Did you not read the part where I CLEARLY STATED that this situation is NOT one of the situations where you grab a dog by it's collar? It would have to be an EXTREME situation to consider it, and only I'd a leash or harness isn't available or an option.
Again I clearly stated that this isn't a situation where anyone should do that. Learn to read.
ImdaPrincesse2: I read it fine. Have a wonderful day!
TidalLion: Sounds like you didn't and it's ok to say "oops, I misread that, my bad", but you do you I guess.
ImdaPrincesse2: Wrong. I read it fine.
TidalLion: Really? Then why are you reiterating what I already said?
ImdaPrincesse2: 
TidalLion: I LITERALLY said that this was NOT a situation that justified grabbing the dob by the collar/bandana. You then came as me ACTING like I had said it was fine? When I pointed out that no I said that it WAS NOT appropriate in this situation, you act like I'm the stupid one why?
I said multiple times that OP wasn't right to grab the dog by the bandana. Why are you trying to argue this? I literally am agreeing with you that the dog shouldn't be grabbed by the collar in this situation and that there are few situations where it should ever be fine.
How much clearer do I have to be?
ImdaPrincesse2: You are arguing with yourself.
TidalLion: No I'm not. Find a better use of your time if you're going to start an argument because you misread and misunderstood something.
ImdaPrincesse2: Yet you keep arguing. Have a good day!
TidalLion: Not arguing, we've been through this and I'm not going to explain this to you again. I already explained it like you were five. If you need it to be broken down and explained further or have it explained yet again, than that's a you problem and we can't help you.
Find something better to do with your time. Good bye
ImdaPrincesse2: Yet here you are.. Have a good day!
Thinkyasshole: Let me try this again. I hope you two get married and have to live forever, together.
| 19 | 1.789474 | |
1670800983 | 1670960308 | t3_zjebcd | t5_2to41 | 16,543 | CheeseIsAHypothesis: TIFU By forgetting what my wife was wearing.
So my wife has an identical twin sister. it's incredibly difficult to tell them apart if I don't make a mental note of what she is wearing before we go to family gatherings. Even then, they tend to wear eerily similar outfits, without any planning. I guess it's that twin telepathic link, I don't know, but it's weird AF.
So, two days ago we were invited to a family dinner at her parents house, the whole family came. I was last to go through the line to get dessert, so I walked into the family room, where everyone was eating, and realized I completely forgot what my wife was wearing. It didn't help that we all had been drinking pretty heavily. I had no idea who to sit by. So I decided to just stand in the corner and eat my pie until I figured it out.
Well, before I knew it, my confusion got the best of me and I ended up fucking her dad.
It's super awkward now and I don't know what to do.
TL;DR: Got confused by my wife's twin sister and fucked their dad.
Honeypumpkin3754: This is the most real story I’ve ever read on here
Xenc: This is the most story I’ve ever read on here
Turiansniper: This is the most I've ever read on here
mattesno1: This I've read on here
yofloh: I've read here.
Accomplished-Fun-108: I've read.
LNikon720: I
DayumnDamnation: Am
Xenc: Legend
Amphibiology: Robert Neville (Will Smith), a brilliant scientist, is a survivor of a man-made plague that transforms humans into bloodthirsty mutants. He wanders alone through New York City, calling out for other possible survivors, and works on finding a cure for the plague using his own immune blood. Neville knows he is badly outnumbered and the odds are against him, and all the while, the infected wait for him to make a mistake that will deliver Neville into their hands.
Xenc: .
| 12 | 1,378.583333 | |
1672065359 | 1672117173 | t3_zvkx71 | t5_2to41 | 1,386 | meme_used: This would be an incredible ice breaker
Like you walk into his hospital room and go "I told you so"
GingerBreadRacing: I have a similar relationship with one of my friends and this is exactly what I would say first.
Followed by “glad you made it” or something along those lines of course
FaustusC: I was in a coma from Covid. Good friend sent me a plush covid cell and a shirt that said "I'd rather be in a coma".
10/10 I laughed my ass off.
I think their relationship would absolutely heal better if "I fuckin' told you it was too short you regard" was the first thing they said. It's mean, but it's normalcy, forgiveness and acceptance all in one. It demonstrates the relationship hasn't changed or been devalued by the attempt.
Nobody1441: True friends right there.
I have a bff who is disabled (cerebral paulsy) and we joke about it a lot, both sides.
Recently i have had an issue with my foot that left me, for now, a bit more disabled than im used to. Hard to get around, falling all over, daily fare for him. And i have yet to rly mention it to him.
Not because hes got it worse. He does, but id bitch to him anyway. No, im saving the suprise so i can call us twins when he sees my limp and tell him if we make a comedy show now, we have the perfect name, 'Wobbles and Hobbes". (He is wobbles, for the curious)
He will be pissed i never told him, but ive been waiting for months to see him for that stupid joke. Cuz thats what true friends are for lol.
FaustusC: Lmfao! I call myself a "Dirty f**ing crip*le" all the time because of it.
Our running joke has been I'm just going to kidnap her at some point because she makes nothing but terrible decisions. The new joke is I need to get fit to do so, so she's going to stand in front of the treadmill as an incentive lmfao.
Nobody1441: That sounds like my first risky thought experiment after we became friends.
So back when i had 2 working legs and he still didnt, we had just become friends, and i wrestled with a question for days: would we be TRASH in a 3 legged race? Or would we do GREAT? (3 legged race being where 2 people tie thier inside legs together for the purposes of a race. Just in case someone out there doesnt know)
Now as new friends, i was unsure if that would be horrible to ask or fine now that we were buds. Turns out, the answer: yes.
He mocked me for thinking about it as much as i did (very in depth on scenarios) but he also got to thinking after. And we still have no clear consensus. It still comes up occasionally when we drink and we hsve a good laugh.
But now, theres not a way we could win one. We would always have a gimpy right side. A revalation i am sure will upset him because this is not how we wanted to find the answer lol
FaustusC: No no no.
"BRO. Good news bad news. Remember the 3 legged race question? I finally have an answer! Bad news: We won't win."
Nobody1441: I am stealing this lol esp since "good news bad news" will not actually involve mentioning the actual bad news he will expect from me hobbling up now.
| 8 | 173.25 | |
1672052692 | 1672697595 | t3_zvkyvj | t5_2to41 | 30 | babysushiroll: TIFU by getting too stoned to function
Let me preface by saying that I came from an Asian country where drugs (yes, even weed) is illegal. I only got a taste of illegal weed a few times in my entire life, so when I flew to a European country for my holiday break, I was delighted when I found a cannabis shop a few blocks from my hotel.
I bought a few brownies along with my friends, some cannabis-infused lollipops, gummies, all the edibles. We started by finishing a whole pack of gummies, went to dinner, walked around while sucking on lollipops, and went back to the hotel to eat half the brownies (first fuck up).
A few hours have passed and we realized that the edibles didn't really kick in, so we called bullshit and ate half of the remaining brownies (second fuck up) and went to sleep since we were pretty tired from traveling.
At midnight, we were woken up by the sound of a really loud fire alarm in our hotel room. I sat right up and realized that I was too stoned to the point where I was practically floating, and it took all of us about five minutes to REALLY realize that it was a fire alarm. Normally, in a fire emergency, you'd run right the fuck out of your hotel room and out to the street, right?
Wrong. We just sat in our beds panicking and asking each other who the fuck is ringing alarm bells in our ears, until my friend made the genius decision to open the door and seeing other people rushing out of their rooms.
Turns out that someone in another room had been smoking, which set off the fire alarms in the middle of the night. Everyone else was visibly pissed. My friends and I just laughed our asses off in the lobby and ended up passing out on the sofas for the rest of the night. Thank goodness the kind staff just covered us with blankets.
TL;DR - got too excited and had too much edibles, didn't panic at a fire alarm
Squigglepig52: Fuckin newbies always overdo edibles. lol.
I once ate a gram of hash one night, and then passed out in a job interview the next afternoon. Like, right out for 10 minutes.
Still got the job.
GrimReaperr807: “Ate hash” wtf most likely didn’t even get high
Squigglepig52: Same as eating any form of cannibas, dude.
GrimReaperr807: ohhh was it an edible,my bad I thought you straight up ate the hash
Squigglepig52: No, it was a chunk of hash. Which is cannibas. Which gets you stoned the same way eating pot brownies or edibles.
GrimReaperr807: https://preview.redd.it/l8ifqmoqwq9a1.jpeg?width=960&format=pjpg&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=5b580a75f6a5625bace98681054098e7ab4b9275
| 7 | 4.285714 | |
1670145001 | 1670199260 | t3_zc52iu | t5_2to41 | 490 | needadviceonshybf: TIFU by getting two friends to date
So, I (32M) have a small group of friends. But because I moved a lot growing up they are all from different places and most don't know each other, only hear about the others cuz I talk about them. Anyways, I have two lesbian friends, let's call them Alicia (28F) and Catherine (29F). I'm currently living close to Alicia and I invited everyone to my birthday four months ago. My friends got to know each other and everything was well. Except I decided to invite Catherine for a sleepover one day and we ended up going out to dinner with Alicia that had a day off. After the dinner they both individually tell me they are interested on each other and I get excited cuz they really seemed to match. I jokingly encouraged them both and they end up going on two dates before asking each other to date on the third one. All was well until Catherine broke things off four months later out of the blue. Alicia called me crying and explained what had happened. I stayed diplomatic and neutral and tried asking Catherine what happened but she didn't wanted to talk. After a few days Alicia said she didn't wanted to talk about it anymore although she was still sad. Catherine moved on and Alicia kinda spiraled down. Before she would only date. Now she hooks up left and right with any and all women that comes her way. She went back to smoking and drinking like she did in high school and says it's fine. Not only all of that is a problem on itself but also my wedding is in six months and I don't think I can have the two of them together in the same room. My fiancee has a very small family and I have only my mom and my aunt nearby whom I'm close with (and my small group of friends) so we decided on a wedding dinner instead of a party. I asked both Alicia and Catherine if it would be fine to have to see each other again and they both said if would be fine coldly. I don't think it'll be fine. I'm worried there will be some fighting cuz Alicia will just drinking away and Catherine will be cold like she has become everytime Alicia is mentioned. I told my fiancee about my worries and she wants me to dig deeper and try to find a solution or I'll either have to disinvite one of them or bear through a fight on my wedding dinner. I just wished I had never introduced them but now is too late. What do I do? I don't want to disinvite either of them but also don't want a fight. My fiancee is very drama averted so I have to avoid a fight. Any advice? Also, sorry formatting and any mistakes, I'm on mobile and English is not my first language.
TL;DR got two of my close friends to date but they broke up and now hate each other and I'm afraid a fight will happen on my wedding.
ShhhHesWatchingUs: Not your FU for habing them meet each other. Their relationship falling apart isnt on you.
Any room in the budget for them to invite +1's to the dinner?
May sound bad but if you cant get to the bottom of the split and have them both amicable toward each other, seating plan may be required to keep them distant during the event.
If anything happens after the event, you cant be held accountable. Adults need to adult, and if they value your friendship, they should be willing to bury the hatchet for 1 evening.
needadviceonshybf: That's the thing tho, it didn't fall apart. Catherine simply woke up one day and said she was sorry but that she had lost her feelings for Alicia. Never explained further, never replied any more of Alicia's messages, nothing. She became cold whenever Alicia was mentioned. Idk if she gives Alocka the cold shoulder on the dinner and if Alicia is drunk if they won't end up fighting.
americangirl-1776: Based on your post and other comments, I think something more had to have happened for Catherine to break things off and be so cold toward Alicia. If she just randomly woke up and lost feelings, why would she be so cold? I think they’re just not involving you for whatever reason which is for the best probably.
I would check in with them both closer to the wedding to make sure they’re still fine to be around each other. Maybe especially talk to Cat and ask her if for the wedding and dinner she can please not be cold towards Alicia — while also acknowledging that you may not know the full story. But tell her you’re wanting good vibes only on a very special day for you. Ask Alicia to keep her drinking under control that night for the same reasons.
Best of luck OP
DanelleDee: To be fair, this is a thing that people do. My asshat of a dad did this to his lovely gf of a couple years. She was bewildered and very hurt. He told her the same thing he told me: the relationship had "run its course" and he "felt it was best they ended things." I figured there was something he didn't want to talk about, but they got back together a year later! She still doesn't know what the reason for the breakup was. The man has the emotional intelligence of a wet carrot.
| 5 | 98 | |
1672054118 | 1672069842 | t3_zvlayx | t5_2to41 | 13 | sdaweer: TIFU by yelling at my brother for the stupidest reason.
Yesterday was Christmas, and every year on Christmas we have a play at my church. I was Jesus, once more. I was on the cellphone a bit before my part starting, since I had like 3 minutes before it did. When my part came up, I rushed since there was a micro delay from my part. It all happened pretty good, I did my part (which was pretty short and simple) and then the dance part came up. I didn't dance, since I didn't know the choreography, so I just stood up the awkwardly, and felt everyone was looking at me rather than the children, who were the main part of the play. Afterwards, I went to the table where the people responsible for sound and media sat. My brother and my friend were there, my brother was disappointed at me for being on the phone before, and my friend was disappointed cause I didn't dance. I cried because of that, which is not really what I usually do, I just had an emotional breakdown for all the wrong reasons. Then, the preaching started. I sat and my brother went after me to talk, we talked a bit and I hugged him, we were cool. And for some weird and goofy ass reason, I yelled at him after the preaching, saying how "I tried my best" and "I could not have done it if I didn't want to" type of bs. I finished calling him brassy. Welp, everyone around me heard it, and most people at church know me and my family, and later today I'll meet up with some of our friends. TL;DR: I was in a church play, and was very irresponsible for being at the phone before my part, having a delay. My brother and friend told me I shouldn't have done that, and then I went ahead and yelled and offended my brother in public after the preaching.
majesticjules: Sounds to me like you yelled at your brother because you were embarrassed that they were both right. If you can't stand still for 3 minutes without pulling out your phone you should work on that. And I'm confused about the dancing. Were you supposed to attend rehearsals and didn't?
sdaweer: I yelled at my brother because of built up anger, to a point I couldn't hold it anymore. I didn't "stand still for 3 minutes", I pulled my phone before the play even starting. I didn't dance because the woman responsible for the play called me to participate literally 1 day before the play, I didn't have time to learn the dance.
| 3 | 4.333333 | |
1670374346 | 1670559858 | t3_zenmf8 | t5_2to41 | 18,605 | jaredhaftel: TIFU by accidentally calling my boss "mom" during a meeting
So today I (35m) was in a meeting with my boss (27f) and a few other coworkers discussing a new project we were working on. We were going over some details and my boss was explaining something to me when I accidentally called her "mom."
I immediately realized my mistake and apologized profusely, but the damage was done. My coworkers couldn't stop laughing and my boss just looked at me with a mix of amusement and disbelief.
To make matters worse, I found out later that the entire meeting was recorded and shared with the rest of the company (~200 people). I'm now known as the guy who called his boss "mom" in a meeting.
Lesson learned: always pay attention to who you're talking to in meetings and never, ever call your boss "mom."
tl;dr: Called my boss "mom" in a meeting and now I'm known as the guy who made that mistake.
Wags43: I'm a male teacher, I've had several students slip and call me dad. Some of my female co-workers say they've been called mom. It happens. The way we take it is that we play a similar role in their life as a parent and they are comfortable with us. If you're comfortable with your boss it would be easy for your brain to make that same connection.
iSkinMonkeys: I love how your way of making a 35-year old man at ease for calling his twenty something boss "mom" is telling him that school children do it all the time.
Wags43: I teach high school, they aren't exactly children. I started teaching when I was 23, so I was fairly close in age to my students when the first one happened.
Edit: I didn't mean that as negative. I apologize for my writing. I just wanted to clarify the age group so people didn't assume it was from younger students.
whyattwhyatt: What is it like being a teacher that young? I'm thinking of being a teacher, also thought of taking a year or two in between college and teaching doing another job cause I don't look that old--is that something people do?
Wags43: I would recommend you go ahead and start teaching rather than wait. It wasn't as hard to handle the students as I thought it would be. You'll learn as you go, and there will be other teachers around that you can always ask for help or advice. I had some fears about teaching before I started, but it all turned out better than expected.
I did worry that some students might start thinking of me as a friend, so I had to define boundaries. I would tell the students if I thought something went too far. The students actually took that well and that seemed to earn me some respect each time. I also grew a short beard my first year to purposfully look older and that actually helped.
I was also extra careful to make sure nobody would think that I was saying or doing anything inappropriate. Nobody ever said anything to me, but it worried me a lot because of the small age difference. One thing I always did was I would never be in my room with just one student, especially with the door closed. If anyone came in alone, boy or girl, I would walk out into the hallway and talk to them there. You can't make any mistakes on this because if anything gets reported whether it happened or not, it's your word against theirs and you'll lose. I'm 45 now and I still do this.
whyattwhyatt: Great, thank you for the advice! Also, do you feel like you had to force some maturity when you were 23 and teaching? So, (obviously in the classroom), but outside in your normal life did you feel like you had to hold yourself to higher standards? I still have a couple years before I can teach and I’m sure this question will bother me less but I’m sort of worried. Basically what I’m asking is, did teaching age you faster or did you still feel like a 23 year old outside of teaching?
Wags43: That's a great question. I did and still do hold myself to very high standards, but that was just a personal choice I made. I felt that it helps parents to trust me and helps students to respect me. But I also don't want to influence students in a negative way. I know a couple of teachers that don't care, and I do hear students talking about them from time to time. The main thing is to not do anything major wrong, like getting charged/arrested, especially for a violent or sexual crime. Nobody will let you around students after that.
To help you answer that for yourself, think about how you would want a teacher to behave socially if your child was in their class. Also, take your community into consideration. I live in a very rural area in Eastern Kentucky where people have old fashioned traditions and everyone knows everybody else's business. If you're in a more progressive area or a larger city where you can blend into the crowd, then it's not as important.
whyattwhyatt: Ah, thank you for the insight. Definitely helped clear things up for me. After teaching for as long as you have, would you have done anything differently? Personally, I can't think of any job I'd rather do than be a teacher (English), so I'm curious what your thoughts of your career were like over the years.
Wags43: The biggest two mistakes that I made actually weren't in the classroom. There will always be some kind of extra work that needs done, especially at smaller schools because they don't have extra money to hire temporary workers. In my first few years, I was eager to be helpful and I would volunteer to hang around after school and help work on something. I became one of the goto persons when someone needed help with something. I can also repair electronics/phones/computers and I volunteered to help with that too and became their IT guy. It was nice to feel needed at first. But eventually I was getting random requests from staff, students, and parents to fix things all the time. It was completely overwhelming: I was losing a ton of my free time and I began dreading going to work because of it. I tried to get out of the situation and explain to people that I didn't have the time to help them, but they couldn't understand the situation and everyone would keep asking over and over "are you free yet to take a look at my TV?" or something similar. I had to resign and go work at another school to get away from it. I learned to be very careful what I volunteered for and learned to not reveal extra skills I've picked up.
Also, when I first started I didn't have a teaching certificate. My B.S. was in math and thats the only degree I had when I started. (Kentucky allowed emergency certification). I hadn't planned on being a teacher, but I tried it and absolutely loved it, so I kept at it. But I thought teaching high school was all about the academics of it, and thats how I taught in the beginning. When I switched schools, I enrolled in grad school and got an MA in education and became certified (because that school wanted me to be certified; I initially thought it was a waste of time and money). What I learned in those classes made a very large difference in my teaching ability. They teach you strategies that are backed by research and shown to increase student learning, retention, and achievement. I use those strategies in my classes and it makes an enormous difference. So don't discount education/teaching degrees, they will be very beneficial to you.
Those are the two biggest mistakes I made and would do over if I could. On a side note, if you look up any teaching strategies to use, look for research that supports them. Some strategies are just ideas that someone made up and you don't want to rely on those. Go with the ones proven to be effective.
As far as longevity of career, I can't imagine any job where I'd have the happiness that I have now. It's an amazing career and there are large breaks that let you focus on your own life, something you won't have in a different job.
whyattwhyatt: Man, thank you so much for your detailed responses. I really appreciate the effort you've put into them and you've really increased my confidence in a career as teacher. And your last paragraph--I was very happy to read that.
Wags43: You're welcome!! I can tell you have the right attitude for teaching. That desire to want to be a good teacher will help you become a great teacher, hang on to that. I wish you all the best!
whyattwhyatt: Thanks, you too!
| 13 | 1,431.153846 | |
1672054265 | 1672103067 | t3_zvlca7 | t5_2to41 | 429 | HorselessCarousel: TIFU By Steaming My Sinuses
Short backstory: wife got COVID 10 days ago, eventually infected me and here we are. She is way better at managing these sorts of things, I usually just get on with it.
As with a lot of the world, COVID has kicked the shit outta me more than expected. I thought I was soldiering on great, timeline compared to the missus, but it came in with a vengeance. Xmas delayed, so I decided to try some of her remedies to assist.
My lovely wife has been consuming a lot of steam to flush all the garbage out, in the way of hot showers and streaming under a towel. Now it should be noted, I'm quite a clown when it comes to serious situations, so I'll try to make light of anything.
As this was post-shower, I'd decided not to try yet, and as I approached the chair that had my steaming bowl of water, I jokingly went to dunk my ballsack towards it. Unfortunately for me, my wife wasn't even paying the slightest bit of attention to me, and bam! Boiling hot ball dip. I'm now sitting here with an ice pack on my swimmer pods while my head is still completely fucked.
TL;DR Tried to have a laugh while getting better, and burnt my ballsack in the process.
OkVolume1: Chestnuts roasting on an open fire
Covid dripping from your nose
Skaterboi93: Pretty sure the chestnuts here are boiled and not roasted
SophosMoros7: My ancestor (can't remember which one) used to say: Never spoil a good story for the sake of a few facts
| 4 | 107.25 | |
1670150179 | 1670152458 | t3_zc6gm2 | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: tifu by slapping a girl's ass
[deleted]
Caesar_cz: Dude, you're 14, first of all, stop doing drugs!
Robyrobt1: almost 15. but i do it responsibly
Devittraisedto2: > doing drugs
> responsibly
Choose one
Robyrobt1: idk. i like the balance of both.
whats-reddit17: Until your mind develops there's no such thing. I know someone who was "using responsibly" and his drugs he normal did were laced with fentynal. And he had to be resuscitated.
So there is no "responsibly" when it comes to under age drug use. And illegal substance abuse.
Kaidu313: Not to mention the fact that underage drug use stunts development. I'm a pretty big pothead, but I didn't start until I was 21. My friend, who started smoking weed at 13 is the dumbest sack of rocks you ever met.
| 7 | 0.428571 | |
1670153866 | 1670213426 | t3_zc7mys | t5_2to41 | 5,597 | forest_fae98: TIFU by letting my daughter try coffee
I (24f) have twin babies (1, m&f). As kids do they’re always trying to get into EVERYTHING, especially if it’s something they see Mama with often- like my phone and my coffee.
This morning I was drinking my first cup and it’s 6am. My daughter is awake and on my lap, reaching for my cup saying “hot, hot,” “mm, mm” like she usually does. Somewhere in my stupid half awake brain I remembered my mom telling me about the time my grandpa let my brother taste beer as a toddler and he was super grossed out by it and left it alone after that.
Well, I thought if she tasted my coffee, she’d hate it and stop trying to run off with my cup all the time.
Big fuckup. She loved it. Big grin and an “MMMmmm!!!” And reached for it again. I quickly put it on the table but the damage was done. She didn’t leave me alone about it for half an hour.
Apparently coffee isn’t as much of an acquired taste as I thought it would be.
EDIT: y’all I only put a spoon of sugar and a splash of half and half in my 10oz cup, I promise it’s not that sweet. This isn’t some creamer filled Starbucks dessert coffee, it’s regular old strong percolator coffee or kurig if I’m being lazy
TLDR: let my 1yo try my coffee so she’d leave it alone and let me drink in peace. She loved it and I’m never getting a quiet cup again.
Temporays: Your mistake was not doing it with pure black coffee
xxcloud417xx: I drink it black and couldn’t believe the story until I remembered that some people put coffee in their cream/sugar, not the other way around. lol
GlowQueen140: The moment OP said her daughter liked it I was like yeah it’s probably pretty sweet
moonshoeslol: Idk, I thought there would be no way on earth my cat would like whisky so I let him lick out of the glass and the little fucker went for more.
velvetelevator: I recently had a bunny visiting my house. That little bastard went for every unattended wine glass she could reasonably hop to.
Ericmyren: >drinking
my horse loved beer
velvetelevator: I've heard that a lot of animals like beer. Like bears. Sometimes I want to leave a six-pack out for the trash bear, but then I ask myself if I want inebriated bears on the property.
Ericmyren: or them getting hooked and raiding the fridges of all the homes around
velvetelevator: For reals
| 10 | 559.7 | |
1670152317 | 1670163188 | t3_zc747a | t5_2to41 | 36 | Slight-Potential-818: TIFU I left my long lost sex toys on top of my closet while my friend was helping me move
Throwaway cause I'm too embarrassed :D
So yeah, I'm in the middle of moving and had my strictly platonic, not so close friend help me with bigger furniture yesterday.
Couple days ago I found some sex toys that haven't been used in ages and was sure I put them in some inconspicuous box which will surely not be open. I actually thought about them yesterday, wasn't sure if I hid them enough but never went to check.
We did the move, all was great, I cooked, we ate, I went to sleep, I woke up this morning and lo and behold, they were on top of my wardrobe, in the first row, as visible as they could be and he was alone there for a while, there is nooo way he wouldn't notice and now I'm ded, deeeed, shoot me now please.
And that's not all folks! I found cuffs and a butt plug in another room, on the floor, where he was helping me sort out some kitchen shit. I don't even remember having those, it's been years since I got divorced and sex was not on my mind in ages. He's gonna be sure I'm some kind of a freak now and I'm most worried he'll think I left them there on purpose. Bleach my mind please, I'm gonna have to disappear forever.
**TL;DR.** \- left my unused sex toys all over apartment and now my platonic friend thinks I'm a freak
chillmare: Most people dont relly care that much and find it funny so its not world ending atleast
Slight-Potential-818: Thank you, I know it's not world ending, but I'm so embarrassed. We're not close, if we were I'd laugh it off, we're just starting to get to know each other and I don't want him to think I did it on purpose
OneleggedPeter: So, tell him that. Ya, it's a bit embarrassing , but surmountable.
Slight-Potential-818: Yeah I'll have to. Still internally cringing :D
| 5 | 7.2 | |
1672060145 | 1672166515 | t3_zvmsts | t5_2to41 | 29 | midnghtsquattr: TIFU by hitting my boyfriend in the balls
Christmas came and went great and last night we invited our friends over for some drinks. I ended up getting pretty drunk, not quite typical for me, and we were all having a great time. Well everyone is sitting on the couch and i’m sitting on some beanbags lower than the coffee table and couches, and my viewpoint is a little screwed. My boyfriend gets up and goes behind me to the fridge and when he comes back i see him in my peripheral like he’s about to throw something at me. well i flinch and end up jerking my arm right into his dick which is eye level cause i have terrible terrible reflexes. He immediately doubled over and our friends start making fun of me while my boyfriend goes into the bathroom. I go silent and eventually our friends leave while my boyfriend is still in the bathroom. i just sit there and cry and cry and couldn’t keep it together for the rest of the night. my partner forgave me as it truly was an accident but i just feel like i ruined everything and that i fucked it all up like usual (i’m very clumsy and have terrible reflexes and i usually break things or fall constantly when even sober and it’s one of my biggest insecurities).
TL;DR i accidentally ghit my boyfriends balls and ended up ended our christmas day with my crying and him in pain.
AlternativeNo4606: I’m so curious if u have been diagnosed w dyspraxia or proprioception issues! It might b worth checking into. I’m so sry this happened. 🫠
midnghtsquattr: i just googled it a little bit, I was just diagnosed with hardcore ADHD backdating since childhood, that’s such a possibility and i very much appreciate your bringing that up
AlternativeNo4606: Yay!!!! So glad to have made ur day a lil better. Yeah… late-diagnosed ADHD is so hard. I got diagnosed recently n it’s changed everything for me. I’m so much kinder to myself now.
| 4 | 7.25 | |
1672061674 | 1672098864 | t3_zvn8k5 | t5_2to41 | 4,445 | Bluecycle00: TIFU by spending the night with an old friend
Tl;dr at the end. Obligatory YIFU. I (26f) met a guy I’ll call Rob(26m) in our final year of college. We quickly became friends and spent some time together in classes and around campus. Nothing ever happened but I always thought he was attractive and funny, and our personalities gel like crazy. Anyway, college ended and we both went to universities across the country from one another. We had relationships, breakups, new jobs and independent adventures. We spoke a couple of times a month over text, and he eventually moved out of the country for work. Lockdown happened and while he was away our texting increased, and we speak a couple times a week and I always message him when I’m drinking/see something he would love etc. and he always messages me when he finds something I’d find funny, we send memes and stupid chat back and forth.
He came home to visit a couple of times in the past year and each time we met up and had a few drinks. The vibe was always immaculate with laughter and like… being physically near him felt like home. I’ve never told him that I think he’s attractive, and vice versa, but if I’m picking up cues like I think I am there’s a mutual liking for each other.
Anyway, onto the FU. On Christmas Eve we decided to hang out and do a pub crawl (traditional in England!). I picked him up as his parents live an hour away and because he’s just visiting doesn’t have a car. Immediately things go right back to where they always are with us. Kinda flirty, no awkwardness and just having a good time. Well the drinks are flowing and at one point he goes to the bathroom and another friend of mine who was out too said, “he seems so lovely, is this a date?”
And I was immediately on the defensive saying how we’re just old friends, that nothing would ever happen etc. However as the night went on we were getting closer and a part of my brain just said: yes - you do want to date this man, stupid.
The night was winding down but we’re both a bit pizzled and so I asked him how he’s going to get home. He said he would walk or get the bus (it’s 20 miles at 3am and there are no buses). He could have got an Uber, but the surge charge is ridiculous. I said he could stay at my place. We got a ride home and stayed up a little longer drinking and talking, and during this he’s holding my hand and we have moments of just silence and eye contact. I set up the sofa so we could crash there (family staying for Christmas meant otherwise sharing a room with a relative) and we slept together. Nothing happened but snuggles and spooning and forehead kisses but the way he was holding me felt so good and natural and like something I didn’t realise I always wanted. During the night I told him I’m so glad i met him and “even thought we don’t say this… know i love you right?” And he replied that he loves me so much. He gave me a big squeeze and pulled me closer to him but we just went back to sleep.
In the morning, my family came into the room and I made the introductions ; my family know of him from college and i do talk about him sometimes so it wasn’t actually too awkward! Anyway we were still so tired and, finally having access to an empty bedroom, we napped a little longer.
I felt like there were times that he wanted to kiss me, and there were long stretches where I wanted to roll over and just… do what came naturally.
By this point my family are being quite loud downstairs and I realise this can’t go on forever - it’s Christmas morning and I need to open presents and he needs to go back to his family. I convince him to get up, we have short but lovely conversation with my family and I drive him home.
We were both a little giddy with a hangover and excitement but we chatted and laughed the whole journey. We had a little hug as he got out of the car but immediately I started feeling like this is it - I’m not going to see him again for who knows how long as he’s going back abroad in a few days.
The reason I think I’ve fucked up is that I am in love with this man and I can’t tell him. I know myself and I wouldn’t be able to handle a long distance relationship, and I also would hate so much to lose my friendship with him by telling him if he doesn’t feel the same.I cried on my way home over thoughts of loss and how if I’d have realised how I feel sooner our lives could have been different. I’m saying this all not knowing how he feels, but in my heart I know he’s a person I want around forever.
I’m not posting this for advice, but needed a little catharsis!
Tl;dr: I realised I’m in love with my old friend and due to geography, timings and work, it’s a shit things to have realised 8 years too late.
chaos021: He's not married and neither of you are dead currently, right? As long as he's not seeing someone, what's the problem?
Inigogoboots: OP needs to see this. If you really do love him, say so. Worst case scenario you lose a friend. Best case scenario you get to be with your friend forever.
Distance is a temporary matter, either one of you can move if yall really love each other and dont want to be apart.
coupl4nd: I don't think she does though. She was just drunk.
aussie_nub: This is not written by someone regretting what they said and did.
| 5 | 889 | |
1672062573 | 1672165593 | t3_zvnic0 | t5_2to41 | 2,574 | monterreynights: TIFU by sending someone to Hell
I'll make this short because I'm still at work, this just happened.
I work at a fast food restaurant, and we offer a breakfast meal that comes w pork sausage.
That wouldn't usually be a problem, but you see today I had a customer who ate that without knowing the sausage was pork, what's the big deal?
The guy was Muslim
Bro had full religious garb and everything, I was on the grill so I had no clue I was about to give this man pork
I went out into the lobby and saw him eating it, I didn't know what to do so I figured I would want to know if that was me
I told asked him how it was and if he liked the pork sausage bro and he looked like he was about to faint
Bro I felt so bad
Tl:dr: I gave a Muslim guy pork without knowing and sent him straight to hell
clownandmuppet: I had a Pakistani friend who always said never tell him what he’s eating, let him enjoy it.
Kept my word…
Xeni966: There's also the thing where I think if they're given pork by mistake, it's fine and not considered a sin. This was 100% an accident and not intended
Engineer_Existing: Yeah if one unknowingly consumes it's Gucci. If done knowingly then they're not.
TerminalVector: Pretty sure there's an exception for emergencies as well.
bob0979: Old religious laws related to health and food usually had medical exceptions. Pregnant women usually don't have to fast, etc.
Fluffydress: In addition to that a lot of the old religious food situations were for health reasons. Don't mix meat and milk. When you don't have refrigeration That's a great way to get food poisoning.
ShittyDJ: Don't fuck in the butt is also helpful when you don't have lube or ways to properly clean up.
Fluffydress: Definitely another creative way to apply this!
pisswaterbottle: ik you saw that comment and just thought 😳 wtf
unless im missing some context, that was so random and completely outta left field 😆
| 10 | 257.4 | |
1672062416 | 1672070326 | t3_zvngms | t5_2to41 | 54 | [deleted]: TIFU by not staying quiet.
[deleted]
WiggyDaulby: You shouldn’t feel bad, she needs help because she has a pattern of behaviour that she cannot sustain; as proven by her trying to regain control by threatening to hurt herself if you go. She needs to be surrounded with people she doesn’t know who can make logical and rational decisions on her best interests without emotional attachment.
It’s a shit situation but she’s in the best place she can be. You need to prepare yourself for what comes next and this time apart can give you that breathing room to gather yourself and think about what the best plan is for you and your daughter. If you’re at the bottom the only way you can go is up! Good luck, I hope things turn around for the better for you all.
Critical-Echo-923: go up , or Flat-line !
i hate when people say If you’re at the bottom the only way you can go is up!
WiggyDaulby: And I hate it when people moan about the least important thing in the entire post, so I guess we all have to put up with things we don’t like.
Critical-Echo-923: and yet you still moan about them.
WiggyDaulby: God you’re such a bitch
| 6 | 9 | |
1670159370 | 1670160653 | t3_zc9gy1 | t5_2to41 | 5 | Traditional-Case6254: TIFU by trying to cook spaghetti in the dishwasher
[removed]
Kayman718: Not that I ever have or would but you can cook in the dishwasher. My cousin was invited to a coworker’s home for dinner and was surprised to hear the turkey had been cooked in the dishwasher. I was skeptical until I looked on line. The detergent though was definitely a bad idea.
[Dishwasher Turkey ](https://www.latimes.com/food/dailydish/la-dd-thanksgiving-2013-cook-turkey-dishwasher-20131120-story.html)
speculatrix: Isn't it just a large steamer when used like this?
Kayman718: You are probably correct.
| 4 | 1.25 | |
1672061620 | 1672094528 | t3_zvn80h | t5_2to41 | 206 | AmberrTurrd: TIFU by eating pizza for lunch
Obligatory didnt happen today blah blah blah, happened a few days ago but I still cant handle the embarrassment and im using a throwaway.
TLDR at the bottom. Honestly, I never thought I would ever have a TIFU worthy submission here, but here we go.
I (23F) have just arrived in my boyfriend’s (29M) country after 2 months apart (we’re in an LDR). On my second day here, we decided to have lunch nearby the grocery store we had just shopped at, and we had a cute little pizza date!
After spending the day together, and having missed eachother for the past 2 months, we got down and dirty in bed. Side note: we had just purchased a vibrator, some condoms, and some lube earlier in the day.
My bf has a huge thing for making me cum, so he fingers me a lot. But recently we started getting into anal... Just to get me used to it he’ll finger my ass a bit, but that night I was really feeling it. I hadn’t used a vibrator in MONTHS so this semi new sensation was intense for me. Now mix that with the pleasure I was feeling from behind? That led to me cumming pretty soon after.
How is this a TIFU? Well, remember that pizza I ate for lunch earlier? That cheese pizza? Im lactose intolerant. So when I came hard, not only did I squirt for the first time, I also squirted out of my ass 😃 I didnt even realise I did until the smell hit me like 1 min later.
Yall. Im so embarrassed. Also my boyfriend called me Amber Turd afterwards so there’s that.
TLDR: My lactose intolerant ass ate cheese pizza for lunch and came so hard I shit on my boyfriends fingers
Diamondsfullofclubs: In reference to Amber Heard, why?
butttrundle: Because she shit on the bed
Diamondsfullofclubs: Ty, that's hilarious.
Educational_Book_225: She tried to blame it on their dog but it's my understanding the dog was tiny and the shit was clearly human-sized
| 5 | 41.2 | |
1670160722 | 1670253746 | t3_zc9w2a | t5_2to41 | 18 | Low-Piccolo7003: TIFU by accidentally sending a sext to my grandma
I can't believe this just happened to me. I was trying to send a sexy picture to my boyfriend, but I accidentally sent it to my grandma instead. I know, I know, it sounds like something straight out of a sitcom, but trust me, it's not funny.
I was in my bedroom, trying to take a good picture of myself in a new lingerie set that my boyfriend had bought me for our anniversary. I was feeling pretty confident and sexy, so I snapped a few pictures and sent the best one to him. I didn't even double check the recipient, I just hit send and went on with my day.
But then, a few hours later, I got a call from my grandma. She sounded confused and a little upset, and she asked me why I had sent her a picture of myself in my underwear. I couldn't believe it. I had accidentally sent the picture to her instead of my boyfriend. I was mortified.
I tried to explain to her that it was a mistake, that I didn't mean to send her the picture, but she wasn't having it. She said that she was disappointed in me and that she didn't want to see that kind of thing from me. She said that she was going to show the picture to my parents and that they would be upset with me too.
I was panicked. I didn't know what to do. I tried to apologize and beg her not to show the picture to anyone else, but she just hung up on me. I was devastated. I felt like the biggest idiot in the world. How could I have been so careless? Why didn't I double check the recipient before hitting send?
I tried calling her back, but she didn't answer. I tried texting her and apologizing again, but she didn't respond. I was at a loss. I didn't know how to fix this. I felt like I had ruined my relationship with my grandma and that I had let my boyfriend down too.
I was so embarrassed and ashamed. I didn't want to face anyone. I didn't want to go to work or see my friends or even leave my house. I just wanted to curl up in bed and hide from the world.
But eventually, I had to face the consequences. My grandma called my parents and told them what had happened. They were shocked and disappointed, but they didn't yell at me or ground me or anything like that. They just said that they were disappointed in my behavior and that they expected better from me.
My boyfriend was a little upset too, but he was mostly just confused. He didn't understand why I had sent the picture to my grandma instead of him. He thought it was funny, in a weird way, but he also said that he was glad that I trusted him enough to send him a sexy picture.
In the end, I learned my lesson. I learned that I need to be more careful and more mindful of who I'm sending things to. I learned that I need to double check and triple check before hitting send, especially when it comes to sensitive or personal things. And I learned that I need to be more open and honest with my loved ones, even when I make a mistake.
TLDR: I accidentally sent a sexy picture to my grandma instead of my boyfriend and it caused a lot of embarrassment and drama. I learned to be more careful and mindful of who I'm sending things to.
suttonjoes: That’s nothing, a lad I worked with sent a dick pick to like half his contacts including his auntie and all the boys at work, needless to say the next morning at work was absolutely hilarious for everyone but him 🤣🤣
ItzDelano: why did he do that
suttonjoes: Completely by accident of course
| 4 | 4.5 | |
1670162980 | 1670181308 | t3_zcamd3 | t5_2to41 | 24 | TheContralto: TIFU by taking a traditional flu remedy with a twist
​
So, I (24NB) have been down with a cold, or flu, or anything tbh, for a few days now. The most annoying thing is that it gives me throat issues - phlegm overload, painful swallowing, temporary loss of voice, you name it. Been treating it for a few days with some OTC meds and herbs, but finally decides to kick it up a notch, since I work with my voice (singer) and this sickness already cost me a few bucks as is. So I decided to resort to the traditional Slavic remedy - a shot of vodka with ground black pepper. However, when I walked into the kitchen, I noticed I'm inconveniently out of black pepper.
So, that's when the thing comes to my mind: why not just use hot sauce instead? They do it all the time with tabasco in Mad Dog shots, why shouldn't I? I looked around the kitchen and noticed my roommate's bottle of ghost pepper sauce. I've always had a high spicy tolerance, so I thought 'Screw it, why not?' and dumped a few hefty drops into my vodka shot, adding one more drop after a few seconds of (failed) consideration. Downed the shot.
Surprisingly, it wasn't the moment, not yet. It went down alright, and it wasn't until a few minutes later that I felt a slight feeling of burning and rising unease in my stomach. Went to the toilet as fast as humanly possible and started throwing up. As the hot sauce was going back up that's when I felt the spice. I didn't care about my hands and face getting covered in spit as I kept vomiting over and over again. It burned my throat, mouth and the inside of my nose. During these few minutes that felt like hours I contemplated calling the emergency number numerous times.
Now I'm pretty much okay, and surprisingly, my throat has cleared a tiny bit. Nevertheless, wouldn't attempt again. Don't do this.
​
TL;DR: I drank a shot of vodka with ghost pepper sauce and thought I was gonna die
Other_Bed_1544: YEOUWCH. I recommend a couple spoonfuls of ice cream. the dairy will help ease the capsaicin, and that plus the cold will soothe the stomach acid irritation
VoidCoelacanth: A mix of lemon juice, lime juice, and honey works MUCH better both for cutting the heat AND for easing the throat. Without having to go through the fire shot first.
And yes, I do use that combination as a capsaicin cure myself. I'm a pepper-head who has eaten the One Chip Challenge three years in a row. 2022 chip was brutal.
Other_Bed_1544: perhaps, but after vomiting, I don't think putting MORE acid down your throat is a good idea
VoidCoelacanth: No no, the whole point is to use this concoction BEFORE that happens.
Other_Bed_1544: fair. but my recommendation was for the now, in the aftermath 😂
VoidCoelacanth: And mine is for future - we can both be correct 😝
| 7 | 3.428571 | |
1670164799 | 1670255079 | t3_zcbcf8 | t5_2to41 | 19,127 | LostMyBunty: TIFU - by damaging my MIL's ass.
I'm an avid chili pepper grower, this season I've grown more than ever before, I grow mainly Chocolate Habanero and Trinidad Scorpion. If you're not a chili fan then all you need to know that these are punishingly spicy.
Due to having a bumper crop I've cleared out all of last year's sauces and oils to make room for the latest batch. Most went to friends and neighbours, but I had a batch of chili oil which was nothing but heat and trauma so, instead of passing it on, I poured around 5 litres of it down our toilet. Then I went out for coffee and cake with family, including my mother in law.
As you might know, french café toilets are often very sad places, so the fam came back to mine after coffee for a quick 'comfort break' before going for an autumn stroll.
My MIL dashed into the loo first, the coffee and Gauloise had powered through her and she must have unloaded a tremendous high-speed shit STRAIGHT INTO THE UNFLUSHED CHILI OIL.
The oil had splashed back and Poseidon's Kiss was causing grievous bodily harm to her ringpiece. We heard muffled swearing before she stumbled from the bathroom saying that she needed a sit-down.
Everyone thought that she was a bit drunk as she'd had cognac in her coffee but she was squirming in discomfort on the couch and eventually admitted that she had a nasty case of superhot ring sting.
It's now 3pm, MIL's used an entire bottle of calamine lotion and is crying upstairs, we didn't have our pleasant autumn walk on the Champs Elysees, my wife isn't talking to me, my FIL thinks it's hilarious and the entire family knows the workings of my snooty MIL's burning anus in intimate detail.
TLDR - burned my MIL's anus with riot-control grade chilli oil.
MissyBee63: What kind of idiot dumps chili oil into a toilet and doesn’t flush it?
Prof_NoLife: What kind of idiot dumps ~~chili~~ oil into a toilet ~~and doesn’t flush it~~?
mikamitcha: I mean, light oils shouldn't cause much of an issue with the plumbing, it's mainly rendered fat/grease that can build up that causes problems. Unless OP made chili oil with bacon fat, it's pretty unlikely to cause problems.
Edit: to all the people talking about the impacts of oil breaking down or temperature changes or whatever, you are right it's not zero impact, but unless OP made a barrel of chili oil the impact is negligible and can easily be managed by the normal maintenance procedures. If you really think 1 or even 5 bottles of light oil will cause significant buildup in wastewater lines, you need a reality check.
It's a different story if thousands or millions of people are doing it, but last I checked people usually don't just dump hours of work into the wastewater system. Should it still have been thrown out in the trash? Yes, but at the same time consideration needs to be made towards how that is getting to the trash, because a plastic or glass bottle being tossed to dispose of that is way worse overall than a minor impact on wastewater buildup.
rybnickifull: No, you shouldn't be putting anything down the toilet but waste from your body and paper. I've worked for water companies, fortunately not at the...rock face, let's say, but they should do tours of sewers for people that throw oil down there like when they show crash videos dangerous drivers imo.
Strix780: 'There are only three things that should go in your toilet. One of them is toilet paper.'
theandalusianqueer: Honestly, my father is a plumber and he has an strict nothing down the toilet except: poo, pee and blood (periods). Because anything can clog a toilet, we have never had to unclogged actually, good times.
I forgot vomit too
Bobolequiff: What do you do with the paper?
theandalusianqueer: A little trash can near the toilet
Bobolequiff: So you just store your family's shitted paper in your house for a while?
theandalusianqueer: It is a pretty common thing in Spain... It is a close trash can, I don't see the problem, better than clogging the toilet
Bobolequiff: Is it?! I hate this so much. This has upset me.
theandalusianqueer: Why...?
Bobolequiff: I just prefer to extract poop from my home entirely
theandalusianqueer: I'll rather take out a little bag with toilet paper once a week that having to ever unclog the toilet. Everyone has their own priorities.
| 15 | 1,275.133333 | |
1670164304 | 1670231945 | t3_zcb5cf | t5_2to41 | 27 | [deleted]: tifu by giving my credit card info to a scammer
[deleted]
AcrobaticSource3: > its balance is empty rn
Is this a debit card, with no balance in your bank account? Because if it is a credit card, I don’t understand what you mean that the balance is empty
XWF79: which one lets you use only the money you put in it? I thought it was credit
Sea-Masterpiece5819: Oh boy if you don’t know the difference between a credit card and a debit card being scammed is the least of your problems
| 4 | 6.75 | |
1672069761 | 1672070869 | t3_zvpvtl | t5_2to41 | 32 | throwawayyy138362: TIFU by not calling my hit, and repeatedly getting shot in the head by a coworker
This happened a few days ago.
Went to a paintball arena with a few office co-workers to celebrate our year.
There was an introduction period where they gave us the gist of what to be doing, but I guess I missed some parts including the "call your hits" part, because I was thinking about the below average performance of some of my subordinates, and wondered if it was a good idea to even take them here.
I stayed in the corner the entire game, hunkering down behind a wooden pallet. I was with another person from engineering. Suddenly, some rat came up to our rear and started blasting the poor engineering fella, shot him in the head. He did something I now know to be "calling your hit" and walked off. However I was able to dip behind cover, head slightly exposed, with the dude still advancing on me.
One thing to note is that I was wearing my Amazon paintball mask, and it only covered the front and side of my head, not the top. So this dude who flanked us shot me once in the head, and it misses all my protection, and I scream "ah, you bastard!", in total agony.
I was terrified to move and thought if I maybe just stayed in the same spot, he would eventually forget about me. He yells something like "call your hit" and I had no idea what that means. He shoots me again, and I just stay still as a rock.
He keeps shooting me, I counted 49 times, one after the other. At some point, game referee comes over, the dude and ref have words, and the ref has the dude shoot me one more time. The ref then yanks my arm and pulls me out of the arena, ridiculing me for not calling my shots. I am crying and writhing in pain at that point, covered in red and yellow. It was a humiliating experience.
He hands me a little bag of frozen peas and tells me to man up. I go straight to my car because I don't want my workers to see me like the red and yellow crying mess I am.
When I got home, my wife laughed at me and said her boyfriend wouldn't have let that happen to him.
I have scheduled a meeting for next week and am going to fire the entire department unless they can tell me which rat did it. May post an update later.
TL:DR repeatedly got shot in the head by an unknown coworker because I didn't know you had to call your shots.
Doe966: It sounds like you were targeted. But it also sounds like you’re the asshole boss that deserved it.
Nakazanie5: Lol this is a satirical post in response to a previous thread from an opposing perspective
itastlikbutterscotch: Looks like OP created an account to rehash the same story from boss’ perspective
| 4 | 8 | |
1670164583 | 1670214370 | t3_zcb9cp | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: TIFU by talking and getting with my friend’s ex after two days of hanging out with him
[deleted]
AcrobaticSource3: I can’t tell, what exactly happened here? Were you just spending quality close time with the ex like you normally do and began to catch feelings? Or did the 2 of you take it the next step and kissed or fucked?
[deleted]: Definitely, third or fourth step, randomly ghosted me, and my apologies for being so lackluster on telling stories, I’m not very good at telling them, as I’m not the brightest crayon in the box.
Edit: oh , we were dating. Also forgot that, lol
XavierHigdon: Were you fucking?
[deleted]: And sucking
XavierHigdon: Are you 12? You still haven't answered the question. I think she probably just wanted to get as far away from you as possible.
FewTransportation307: He did answer the question
| 7 | 0.857143 | |
1670165387 | 1670208409 | t3_zcbl0o | t5_2to41 | 13 | IhateTomScott: TIFU by taking a spill!
As I was getting ready for work this morning, I was in a rush and completely forgot to tie my shoes. I didn't think much of it at the time, but as I was walking down the street, I suddenly felt my foot slip out of my shoe.
I tried to catch myself, but it was too late. I fell to the ground, face-first, and my shoes went flying in opposite directions. To make matters worse, I was right in front of a group of people who saw the whole thing.
I was completely embarrassed and mortified. I scrambled to get back on my feet and retrieve my shoes, but it was no use. I ended up stumbling around, trying to put my shoes back on, while the people looked on in amusement.
Eventually, I managed to get my shoes back on and continue on my way, but I could feel my face burning with embarrassment. I couldn't believe that I had forgotten to tie my shoes and made such a fool of myself in front of all those people.
As I walked to work, I couldn't shake the embarrassment and shame that I was feeling. I kept replaying the scene in my head, wondering how I could have been so careless and forgetful.
But as the day went on, I started to see the humor in the situation and I was able to laugh at myself. I realized that everyone makes mistakes and that it's okay to stumble and fall every now and then.
In the end, I learned a valuable lesson about the importance of paying attention to the little things, even when we're in a rush. And I also learned that it's okay to laugh at ourselves and not take ourselves too seriously.
Tl;dr took a spill
AcrobaticSource3: Wow, you learned a lot this morning!!! It seems that you also learned that people are shitty, since they all just looked on and none of them helped you
Majestic-Scale-1868: Second this.
| 3 | 4.333333 | |
1672069907 | 1672084165 | t3_zvpxmj | t5_2to41 | 31 | [deleted]: TIFU by taking KFC in the metro.
[removed]
Squigglepig52: Why the fuck would you put the drink in the bag?
SavageSniperrr: Mental disability.
| 3 | 10.333333 | |
1672071873 | 1672079196 | t3_zvqmr2 | t5_2to41 | 33 | not_thatguyagain: TIFU by ruining my chances of getting into a relationship.
I 20M, matched on tinder with her 20F about a year and a half ago, we couldn't really see each other for some time because she didn't live near me. She moved to my city for studies and we went on a date which didn't really end up well because we ended up not sitting next to each other at a comedy show. There had been some mix up with the tickets but that's not important. We came out of there bummed out because the show wasn't really that good and sitting next to each other would have set a better mood in general. We went home shortly after, but I could have suggested we went for a drink to salvage the bad date. Well I didn't. We still kept in touch but she went to her hometown for the holidays.
When 2022 came around we went to a nice bar for a couple of beers. We had a good conversation but neither of us made any moves that night. Probably because we're both shy. She has social anxiety and I'm a moron who didn't really have any prior experience with dating women. We still kept in touch though and texted daily.
To keep it short, a few weeks ago she texted me she liked me and I didn't really react. I didn't really know how to react. Though I suggested we went on a date, and we actually went. At the time of the date it seemed she wasn't really in the mood for anything, so I didn't want to push my luck making any move that she wouldn't appreciate or even worse, put her in an uncomfortable position.
Fast forward to yesterday, I texted her that I'd seen us cuddling in my dream in front of the tv watching something. She asked me how I felt about that and Instead of telling her that it felt good and I wanted that to happen IRL, I compared it with another dream I had that night, saying that cuddling wasn't as bad as me throwing a minor celebrity out of a car for insulting my driving. Then she texted me that she wasn't willing to ask uncomfortable questions to milk some insight to wether I want to be with her or not and that I really need to work on "opening up about shit". Now I feel like a dumbass because I wasted my chance of actually getting into a somewhat meaningful relationship with a nice person. I probably ruined Christmas and put both of us into an unnecessarily awkward situation.
TL;DR: I ruined my chance of getting into a relationship because I can't openly talk about my feelings.
Thanks for reading this. Not looking to make anyone feel sorry for myself. I just wanted to take a weight of my back. Anyway, I wish everyone nice holidays and for 2023 to be more productive and creative.
moja_ofinka: I don’t think it’s too late! *Now* is your chance to open up and REALLY talk about your emotions.
“[Name], I shouldn’t have made that joke yesterday in place of sharing my feelings with you. I really like you and [fill with how you feel about her here, it’s something I’m working on,I’m sorry, etc]…”
Maybe she’s moved on already, but I’d say you still have another chance.
ETA: my life partner and I met on tinder. He didn’t even kiss me until 3 dates in which was crazy for me at that time of dating but so refreshing 😅
phillipjhart: You're right, of course, but at 20 I probably wouldn't have realized that either.
moja_ofinka: No that’s soooo true. My early 20s were a dark time in my dating life haha
| 4 | 8.25 | |
1672070483 | 1672120096 | t3_zvq50t | t5_2to41 | 134 | Internal-Car8922: TIFU (actually TMIFU) and had to sit out Christmas dinner.
I say TMIFU, because it is more like "This Month I Fucked Up". But the price came due in time for Christmas.
Last year at this time, I was routinely working 100 hour weeks. I was a machine. Then, in the spring, I had a serious health crises - I almost died! - that uncovered many underlying health issues that had not been previously noted. I went from a steady diet of Mt. Dew and Monsters, as well as eating anything I liked, to a very restrictive diet meant to keep me alive past April.
In my new normal, I was no longer allowed to consume sugar, salt, alcohol, caffeine, most carbs (no bread, pasta, potatoes, etc.). No corn. No carrots. No grapefruit. No processed meats. No diary (except cured cheeses). Beyond diet, I also could no longer have any Ibuprofen or sunlight. Yes, no sunlight. Not even full moon light is allowed.
But I can still eat meats and especially fish. I can eat fats. Eggs and nuts, if I don't mind having them with no salt. All the berries I want. All the grapes and cherries I want. I can also have a little pineapple and some rice, but most other fruits are not allowed.
And I was placed on six medications and three supplements (like Vitamin D - no sun means I can't make it for myself.) It took months to acclimate to these radical changes in my life. I could barely manage a 40 hour work week for most of the spring and early summer.
But my strength returned. By my six month follow-up in early December, it was noted that I had lost 75 lbs (34 KG) since my last appointment (I'm still obese) and my A10C was down to 5.2 (normal) from 9.8 (pre-diabetic) six months before, among other improvements. The doctor was so happy, and said "See ya' in six months!"
Meanwhile, I was back up to working 60 hour weeks by the start of November, and with Christmas looming large and peak season in full gear, I had started working 70 to 80 hour weeks since mid November.
So, I fucked up.
First fuck up: I don't have to worry so much about sugar! Yeah. You know that human thing where you get really good results by doing things that work, and then stop doing them and your results change? I declared December my cheat month. I had behaved so very well for so long, and I am working so many hours that it makes it really hard to always get food that is strictly on my diet. So while peak season and Christmas with all its treats and sugars was going on, I was going to wing it a bit - still no caffeinated sodas or sugary drinks mind you, just some pumpkin pie and cake. The price for eating dairy is still too high, so no ice cream, but I have had some potatoes. I really had missed potatoes and apple pie the most of all! I'm not going to lie to you: I single handedly consumed two large Costco apple pies during the first three weeks of December. I figured that January and the end of peak season, I would go back to the full restrictive diet.
Second fuck up: There is a pre-packed fish product that I have treated myself to during this year. It includes a nice piece of fish, some grains (mostly rice and farrow) and veggies, and some seasoned butter. And it goes from frozen to ready in the microwave - a lot of seafood does not cook well in the microwave. The store I buy these from had a glut of them, and put them on sale for "buy one, get one free", and at that price point, I filled up the freezer with them. And being busy, I started eating them once or twice a day, instead of once or twice a week.
Third fuck up: Because of cost and no time to deal with it, I was not eating my normal supply of fresh berries and cherries and grapes.
Fourth fuck up: I mistimed the shopping for Christmas Eve dinner. Our family follows my wife's country's traditions by celebrating more on Christmas Eve than on Christmas. We have always opened gifts on December 24, and have a huge feast as well. It always must contain 24 different dishes. We decided to have a quality roast large enough for the whole gathered family as the centerpiece, and so I bought a $50 roast from Costco in anticipation. This is where I *really* fucked up! I was over eager, and thought we were closer to the day. A few days later, and upon closer inspection, I realized that the roast's sell-by date was December 17. There was no way it would stay good until Christmas Eve without being frozen! So I suggested to my Beautiful Wife she make a practice run of it, and I'd get a fresh one around December 21. So just the two of us were eating a really rich, savory roast for an entire week, since it was a lot of meat for just two people...
So how was all this a fuck up?
By December 22, I had a major gout attack. The worst one for many years! I couldn't even get out of bed. I could not drive. I could barely use the restroom. I was in so much pain! My Beautiful Wife got me cherries - they really are the best thing for it. In the past, I would use ibuprofen to help with the swelling, but I no longer can. My diet got really strict really fast all over again. Only for now, no fish or beef or fats either.
And so it was that I got to eat green salad, broccoli and Brussel sprouts for Christmas Eve dinner while everyone else enjoyed roast and ham and so many fine and rich things that I would have so loved to have shared with them. Sigh. It did smell really yummy.
​
TL;DR: I gave myself gout for Christmas and had to watch others enjoy our Christmas Eve feast while eating very basic veggies.
XavierHigdon: Gout? All this for gout? What the fuck is gout that it's so god damn extreme? Who cares about cancer, how do I avoid gout?
Internal-Car8922: Gout is extremely painful. Cancer can be too, but normally takes a while to get there. Gout goes from a twinge in the ball of your foot to "PLEASE CUT MY FOOT OFF NOW!!!" in about a day.
Gout won't kill you. It just makes you wish you were dead. If you have any doubts, a Google image search for it should convince you otherwise.
I pray you never get to know how bad it can be and successfully avoid it your whole life.
Bluefairie: Gout sounds terrible! I’m so sorry you’re stuck with this.
How/why does sunlight affect gout? For even the reflected light from the moon to affect you is next level extreme.
Internal-Car8922: The sunlight thing is unrelated to the gout. Just more of the practical joke that has been 2022. It's a form of eczema that I never heard of before where you suddenly become allergic to sunlight. 30 seconds of sunlight, three minutes of shade, five minutes of full moon light and I get hives and rashes that look just like Poison Oak. And that itch like crazy! Two days later, and the skin peels like a third degree sunburn. It's just not groovy. I get to wear full head-to-toe coverage anytime there is sun around.
Bluefairie: omg you really won the poop lottery healthwise. Take care of yourself, you have my deepest sympathy!
Internal-Car8922: Thank you! It's been a year I would wish to not repeat.
| 7 | 19.142857 | |
1670171680 | 1670255968 | t3_zce9ut | t5_2to41 | 252 | Dark-one03: TIFU by accidentally have my boyfriends email opened
Throw away as I don’t know if he has Reddit.
I (24F) am currently at my mates (25M) we’ll call him J, house and I am at a TOTAL lost. Little info for context: I met J through work. We hit it off right away and almost immediately started having casual hookups. We didn’t want a relationship as he was just getting out of one long term and I simply wasn’t ready due to personal reasons. We both like our space/alone time so the arrangement was perfect as we have the same schedule. We agreed to be exclusive as we don’t use protection and things were going great! After some time, feelings got involved and we eventually started dating. Now on to today, I had to call off of work because I didn’t have anyone to watch my son. In a spontaneous, horny moment last night I asked J if I could come over and he said yes. We spent the night together and had some “fun” in the morning before he went to work. I had a few things I needed to get done so I asked if I could use his computer. He agreed, giving me his passcode and asked only that I didn’t use Google chrome as his stuffed was logged in on there. Fine by me. I go to gmail cause I needed to print out a few emails. I see his account is still signed in even on a different browser, no big deal, I just switched accounts and it opened a new tab for me with my gmail. This is were things go bad. I get all my stuff done and I close out my windows, leaving the last window open that I started with… his gmail. Not paying attention, I realized I needed to print one more thing out that I sent myself. I go to the sent inbox and start scanning for it when I finally noticed it wasn’t my email. Only not before seeing the word sex. My mind starts racing, ‘why is the word sex on J’s email, this isn’t even the spam folder’! I couldn’t fight the urge to look and so I opened it and read it. To my surprise I got a face full of a vagina looking back at me. HOOK UPS. It was a reply to an ad he made on a website looking for hook ups. Now actually paying attention, I see dozens of them, including ones from men! At this point my heart is in my stomach and I feel sick. The worst part is, each one is from around times he said he needed some space/time alone. I didn’t think much of it then, but knowing now he lied to me… I don’t know what to do! I’m having so many different emotions I can’t choose which one to be. I still have to work with him! I definitely can’t be with him anymore, not after this. I can’t share the same bed with him knowing someone else has more than likely been in it. Do I confront him or just leave with no explanation?
TL:DR
Accidentally was on my bfs email and found his emails of ads he made for hook ups.
Dry_Ask5493: Just tell him that you know he’s a cheater and you are done with him. Who cares if you snooped to find the info, the point is you found it and it’s over now because he’s disgusting. At work just keep it as distant and professional as possible.
Zestfullyclean87: This is giving him a lot more than he deserves. If he was this willing to leave OP in the dark, he should be left in the dark. Ghost the fucker.
Dry_Ask5493: It would be for her benefit not his to call him out. Some people need to say the words.
Zestfullyclean87: It may be for her benefit, but it’s also to the detriment of his next victim.
Dry_Ask5493: I don’t see how her telling him off would be a detriment to his next victim. He would be the only detriment to his next victim.
Zestfullyclean87: Because you’re just teaching someone to be better at hiding their cheating.
Dry_Ask5493: I think he would figure that out regardless
Zestfullyclean87: Nope. We shouldn’t be coddling hypersexual trash.
Dry_Ask5493: I don’t see how telling someone off is coddling them. You and I clearly have different views on what coddling means.
Zestfullyclean87: Because here’s the thing about narcissists, that a lot of people refuse to understand:
telling them off accomplishes nothing for *you*. it boosts their ego. *You* think you’re winning in that moment, but you’re not. Positive attention, negative attention - doesn’t matter. It is all the same to a person like this.
So you handle them by blocking them, ignoring them. Letting them die in the shadows.
You don’t give them power, you don’t let know that they were wrong or that they hurt your feelings, or betrayed you- they wanted that to happen. You’re telling them that they succeeded in doing so.
So what do you do when someone like this is a sex addict who behaves this way? You GO COLD. They’re not worth the conversation, or the control. They’re too worthless for a confrontation.
Sorry_I_am_late: 1. You have no evidence he is a narcissist. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a serious mental disorder. Stop trivialising it by labelling every cheating a$$hole a narcissist.
2. OP works with this man and needs to be able to maintain a working relationship with him. Ghosting him is NOT an option. It is therefore in OP’s best interest to control when and where this conversation takes place, as well as planning in advance how she wants to approach the conversation. Why give him that control? She does NOT want this mess spilling over at work around colleagues, on a day when she is perhaps stressed and not ready to deal with him.
3. Confronting someone does not have to become a big emotional scenario. She can be calm and factual, simply stating that she knows what he did, that this is an action she can’t accept, that going forward their relationship will be purely professional, and that she trusts he will behave appropriately at work. Finished. Nothing to discuss. No tears or drama needed.
4. If she can’t control her emotions enough to manage a calm conversation like in the previous point, on what planet do you expect her to be calm and simply ignore him at work? If she has strong emotions she needs to vent, all the more reason to make sure it happens away from work.
Honestly, how young are you? I can only hope you’re still a teenager. If not, I really hope for your colleagues sake that you never have issues with someone you work with.
Zestfullyclean87: How young am I? I was going to ask you the same question
I don’t go around calling people narcissists like it’s a flippant issue. Am I *diagnosing* someone with NPD, no. But do I know what narcissistic behavior looks like, yes
He sounds like a master manipulator, and the easiest person to manipulate is the manipulator. Now you might live in a world where you’re either a teen or still in college, and think this sort of shit is handled in that way. But I’m telling you it isn’t
If you read my other comment I already made an edit correcting myself since OP works for him - OP can still block their number and ignore them.
No one ever said anything about or being a big emotional dramatic scenario. My point is that the guy wanted this to happen. He’s not going to hear what he did weird and think, I was wrong about the things.
Please stop being pedantic. Everyone hates that
Sorry_I_am_late: Mwahahaha I’ve got well over 20 years of work experience in a corporate environment and have been leading teams for most of my career. I also lived with a family member with actual NPD.
Mature people MANAGE their relationships and their communication (ESPECIALLY at work). They also base their behaviour on their personal integrity and ethics, not other peoples values. Should she waste energy on this guy? No. Does she have to actively manage her interactions with him? Yes. Those are the facts and you’ve offered her nothing constructive. Who cares what he may or may not get out of it? Focus on what she needs and show you can think further than your knee jerk emotional reaction
Zestfullyclean87: No you don’t. I *guarantee* you don’t. That has nothing to do with OP’s post in any way, that’s how I know.
I lead teams too, I have over 300 people. You didn’t see me use that as a point.
Sorry_I_am_late: 300 people huh? Sure, OK. Bye now.
| 16 | 15.75 | |
1672076588 | 1672085278 | t3_zvsbp5 | t5_2to41 | 47 | LORE-above-ALL09: TIFU by think i was a shoe size 10 but in facts a size 8 (UK sizes)
For the last 10 years i been wearing size 10 shoes thinking that was my shoe size but in fact i am a shoe size 8. I found out when my mum who is size 8 bought new shoes and it was in the living room and I decided to try it on after i read ‘arch fit soles’ on the inside of the shoes and when I tried the shoes it fit like a glove which confused me because i could’ve sworn i was size 10. I decided to go to sports direct a shoe shop in the uk, because they have a shoe measurement machine and it said am a size 8. The guy at the shop made fun of me for not knowing my shoe size because the machine is apparently for growing kids and teens. Also now am going to get arch soles shoe’s because my feet won’t hurt like hell when am on my at my job
Tldr: thought i was a size 10 but turns am an 8
AllanfromWales1: Do all your old shoes wobble when you put them on?
SalleighG: ... but they don't fall down!
| 3 | 15.666667 | |
1672078648 | 1672133898 | t3_zvt3u9 | t5_2to41 | 144 | Twighdark: TIFU by asking my dad where to dispose of a melted charger.
While I was home alone, I smelled something burning in my room, and obviously freaked out a bit; It turned out to be the only magnetic contact charger of one of the adult toys I own, and since it had obviously somehow broken enough to start melting itself and smoking almost right after I plugged it into an outlet (which had not been a problem before), I decided to throw it away.
Problem is, my dad is very peculiar about where to dispose of electric stuff, and my sister has gotten yelled at for throwing another melted cable into the "wrong bin" before. He was coming home soon anyway, so I asked him.
He in turn asked me back what that charger was even for. Keep in mind, that man is very good with mechanical stuff in the walls, but has very little knowledge about how most modern devices work.
Since I was not about to tell my dad about it being for a sex toy, I ended up evading the question and just continuing to ask where to put it. Meanwhile *he* kept demanding to know what it was for, since he didn't know of any devices in the flat that use a contact port, and wanted to make sure that it wasn't something wrong with the outlets' voltage.
In my panic I just made some shit up about it being a willy-nilly improvised charger for my MP3 player, but now he was even more confused because "I could've sworn that you had a plug-in cable, how does that even work with your player???"
So I eventually just said "You know what? It's actually the charger for something else, something I don't wanna tell you about. It's fine, it didn't happen because of the outlets, the thing is just broken and I wanna know where to get rid of it."
He finally freaking told me where to put it then, but also said he "doesn't even wanna know" what it was for anyway. So I'm pretty sure he has an idea. Urgh.
TL;DR:
Asked dad where to dump my broken sex-toy charger, didn't mention which device it belonged with. He inquired about the device out of worry that the outlets were at fault, I made some shit up he didn't believe and, after a vague confession that I didn't wanna tell him about it, probably connected the dots that I, an adult, have at least one sex toy.
Am uncomfy with that knowledge.
MorpH2k: He was probably just going to let you borrow the charger from his toys.
Twighdark: HPPPPTHGHT-
My dad (as it turns out) hates contact chargers and thinks they're stupid and unreliable, so if he had any toys, they would not be contact-charge.
NerdHerder77: In his defense, it seems like the charger is indeed unreliable. Being melted and all.
Twighdark: Well, it definitely broke from the inside first. It worked really well for a long time!
| 5 | 28.8 | |
1672079713 | 1672081207 | t3_zvti8a | t5_2to41 | 18 | coalcelTIFU: TIFU by giving my son coal for Christmas
Title really says it all.
Some background: my wife and I swap out who will buy Christmas presents each year. Two years ago I bought them, last year she bought them, this year it was my job again. My son is 10 years old.
We had a tough year financially - I lost my job twice and only recently got into a new one. As Christmas came around, we didn't have as much to spend on presents this year, so she told me to spend a bit less on presents. This is where my bright idea came in.
I'm a bit of a mining guy, so I follow the prices of coal and adjacent minerals often. A couple presents full of coal would cost significantly less than the presents that we usually buy for him, so I thought that it would be at best a funny joke and at worst a funny story. I was very wrong.
After presenting him with the gifts, he started bawling his eyes out. My wife went into the other room comforting him after he started crying and she refused to let me come in. Apparently he actually believes in Santa and unironically thinks that he did something so bad that he got on the naughty list? I thought only like young kids believed that?
I'm not really sure what to do next. My wife slept in the same room as my son last night and I go to work early so I didn't get to talk to them in the morning. I'm not sure whether I should tell him it was Santa and he actually got put on the naughty list or that I bought him the coal. My son does know I'm a bit of a coalhead so he may suspect it was me.
Our family dynamic might be ruined and I'm not sure how to fix it.
tldr: Gave my son coal for Christmas as a joke, he cried and my wife won't talk to me
HotSupermarket3682: You selfish, out-of-touch father.
If I can even call you a father.
How do you not even know if your only child believes in Santa?
You need to work on your relationship with your child.
There isn’t one ten year old I know … let alone child in general… that would have taken receiving coal for Christmas as a funny joke.
“Would cost significantly less than the presents we usually buy for him”
Who was this gift of coal for? The child? Or for you?
Mlkbird14: This was my thought. How do you not know if your child still believes in Santa? So strange.
| 3 | 6 | |
1672080792 | 1672109203 | t3_zvtwz7 | t5_2to41 | 28 | Throwa_Prize_419: TIFU by believing in a lifetime chance from Tinder girl
Not a TIFU per se, but a long-lasting FU (LLFU)
A small background. I browse Tinder from time to time, not for hookups, but when I feel lonely. However, considering how much time it requires to persuade a girl to go out with you I rarely chat with anyone. Also, in most cases my “original” questions or comments are either left unanswered or responded with “yeah… haha”. So, I think it’s not worth to invest time and get nothing in return.
Anyways, one evening I got a message from someone I don’t recall matching. When I checked her profile, she seemed like a regular girl whose parents are rich. So, she told me she is new in Tinder and wanted to check it out and she likes me, blah blah. I kept up the conversation and she suggested to switch to whatsapp. It went on for several days upon which I found out that she owns a boutique, an apartment in the city center, drives the latest BMW M5 and enjoying the life mostly. She also sent me a lot of her pictures from a fitting room, Singapore trip and at friend’s house. It lasted for a good two weeks when she casually mentioned her successful trading bids. Being a trader apprentice myself I got interested, because now I could see where all those things she owns come from (obviously, not from the boutique).
At this point, it may be worth to note that she mentioned a few times how unique I am to her and how she appreciates our conversations. From my point of view though, we didn’t go anywhere deeper than daily talks and I felt maybe 3 empathies out of 10 for her. Yes, she was pretty and I thought we should meet up first to check out chemistry between us. She lives in another city and I suggested a few times to meet, but she either ignored or didn’t have time for it.
Nevertheless, she said uncle’s financial advisors help her to build up her portfolio how to bid timely and buy or sell the needed instruments. Since we had such “special connection” between us, she suggested me to introduce him, but I was reluctant, because there was no connection and I didn’t want to bother her, presumably, rich and busy uncle, with such nonsense. A few days later she announces that during her regular calls with uncle, she told him about me and he is going to help me to become financial independent such as her. I was trying to save for an apartment for years and all my other investments failed. I thought maybe it is that weird chance that no person should miss?
When the Uncle called, he was all business. He introduced himself and asked me to tell about myself too. I felt like a guy who came for a prom date, but financial independency is something I was eager to achieve a long time ago, so I aligned. He told a lot about his company and how they use news from journalists from Bloomberg to place orders before they get published. They work mostly with trusts and funds, but since his niece thought high of me, I should take this chance. In exchange, they expect me to return 20% of my profit, which is fair. He also said they trade with crypto because of amount of profit they are getting. I replied that I’m not sure how serious my relationships with his niece are, but I’d love to work with them.
Finally, TIFU. The uncle suggested to try it out now and organize a Zoom call, that he does with all his clients. He then showed me the platform they use for trading, which only accepts deposits in crypto currency. He said the platform I currently use (InteractiveBrokers) doesn’t allow to buy instruments from other regions (true) and other platforms charge too much (also true). He asked me to pass KYC and add some funds to work with. He didn’t explicitly commend how much I should invest, but he gave me some numbers I can get after a year, depending on how much I invest. I was so excited, that I quickly passed KYC and added $2k for the start.
Days went by with him providing me positions and girl who keeps chatting with me, discussing weather, food, daily things. In two weeks, I made $200 which is quite impressive. I’m thinking to invest more, but first I want to try to withdraw the earnings plus balance and I fail. I get a message from the system saying “withdrawal is not available as regarded as money laundering”. The mail and message itself looked very lame and that’s where it actually clicked that I’ve been frauded. I checked the platform in Google before and found 0 results, but then I decided to check DuckDuckGo and found hundred fraud complaints. I track my transfer via blockchain history and see thousands of money being transferred into that wallet and taken out immediately.
At that point I already said goodbye to my 2k (I understand, that $2k is not a life threatening amount, but I still earned them working hard, I just try not to dwell on it) and I found explanation to all cues I missed during conversation with both. I realized that many other victims probably threatened them and failed because of how good they hid the traces of their actions. So, I decided to play along and keep innocent face until the end, which is, in my case, return what I have invested. The next day I told uncle about my desire to invest $10 thousand more to make profit faster and higher, but I couldn’t withdraw my balance. He responded that it’s a known issue, if someone wants to take money out too soon after contribution, and he suggested to wait 2-3 weeks, before doing that.
I still communicate with that girl, showing her appreciation for giving me that chance. The uncle sends me positions, I set them up and sending him back the screenshots as agreed. I will try to make an impression that I’m excited about upcoming 10k investment to make them believe I’m serious about it.
TL;DR. A tinder girl lured me into a trading platform that doesn’t allow to withdraw funds.
Express_Sail_4558: Classic Chinese con. Tell uncle that you want to put your family’s money something like 100k but that you need to get the original amount first to prove your success to them
ShockAndAwe415: I read an article that a lot of these scams are run out of Cambodia. They traffic in people from Malaysia, Vietnam, Laos and take their passports. Force them to work out of defunct casinos. Hold them prisoner. Real sick shit.
| 3 | 9.333333 | |
1672080491 | 1672162232 | t3_zvtsrh | t5_2to41 | 129 | princess_bunni: TIFU trying to seduce my partner and ended up with chemical burns
Mandatory this happened 5 months ago. I don't think I've ever been in that much pain in my life. This was due to my own stupidity. It's been quiet in the bedroom so I (27F) thought I'd tidy up a bit with some nair and seduce my partner (43M).
When I applied the nair it started burning, but I'm a trooper so I stood there with a burning vag for 10 minutes, I was going to see this through. I mean, what's the worst that can happen? Never thought this would happen though, chemical burns on the downstairs.
Now I'm swollen and raw. Needless to say, I'm throwing the nair away. My partner had a good laugh though.
I had to phone my boss to inform him that I can't come to work due to not being able to walk. He thought it was hilarious and I ended up staying home and applying ointment to the area for three days.
I can laugh about it now but I was ugly crying in the dark when I was trying to sleep with that burning, throbbing pain in my pants.
TL:DR: wanted to get things going in the bedroom again but ended up burning my downstairs with veet instead and couldn't walk.
Kiplan143: Hes too old for you lol. 27 - 7 = 20. 20 x 2 = 40.
Thompseanson7: Where is this -7 x2 thing coming from
Kiplan143: Its a thing to see how old your partner should be at max. For example, using this formula, a 17 year old can date a 20 year old at oldest, and a 20 yo can date a 26 yo. 27 and 42 is too great an age gap
Thompseanson7: But like what is this from yk? Like is it an internet thing a thing in your country or?
Goat17038: I've seen it around lots on the internet, I think it may have originated from a movie? Not 100% sure though
Thompseanson7: Fair, I don’t think dating should be gauged by something so restrictive 20 and 17 is kinda weird but fits
| 7 | 18.428571 | |
1670180403 | 1670182251 | t3_zci7mk | t5_2to41 | 36 | Clear-Scholar5720: TIFU- By inviting my bosses brother over and beat him up with my nephew
This happened last night me and my wife just moved to this new state last year and we have had some luck with finding friends her better then me. So this guy at work seems pretty cool and I’m used to inviting people over for drinks and board games. He called and sounded bummed out and my niece and nephew is staying with me as they moved just moved out here. So I invited him over for gin and monopoly cheaters edition. I don’t know what he thought was happening he started making comments about how sexy my wife is and I brushed it off she is. I guess he didn’t get the hint where my wife said stop. At some point my wife left the room with my niece. My nephew passed out in the bathroom. We started listening to 90s metal he wanted to mosh I was like cool ( 15 shots in) we’re moshing he knocks me down made a comment about me being a bitch and said he wanted to fuck my wife. I grabbed him flipped him on his back and started stomping his face. My nephew who I guess heard me screaming at him grabbed me off of him luckily I was drunk and mad. Dude got up swung on me and my nephew my nephew knocked him on the ground I grabbed dudes arm this happened for 45 minutes at least or various versions of this. We got him a Lyft he stumbled around and flaked that off came back inside and said I’m fucked said I lost my job. At this point me being completely sober I just calmly said if that’s what it is. He said he got a 40 I was like okay that’s cool. He ended up deciding to drive I didn’t care he sat in his car 20 fucking minutes while everyone in the house was decompressing and reflecting on the night. My wife was pissed me and my nephew were laughing my niece was showing us everything was recorded for posterity. We than realized he was outside still my nephew gave him something he forgot. He walks up the house and asks me if this is how it is. My wife runs out the hallway screaming at him and he left. My couch is broken and I’m worried this will cost me my job. But he now knows what’s what don’t sexually harass my wife in front of me just because you think I’m too drunk. My family moved from a rough ass are to this rural suburb. Shits crazy.
TLDR- invited my bosses brother over got drunk played monopoly he sexually harassed my wife and he got beat up maybe lost my job
generalfrumph: Were you still drunk when you wrote this?
Clear-Scholar5720: I’m hung over and on mobile
Half_burnt_skunk: Thought you were completely sober.
Clear-Scholar5720: I meant I sobered up or felt like I was I drank a lot but after the furs fight I felt pretty sober at that point
Half_burnt_skunk: Gotcha. I don't think you were in the wrong. I think his brother will understand.
Clear-Scholar5720: I really hope so it’s a right to work state and I moved from California to here so I’m not sure on the labor law
Half_burnt_skunk: Just talk to your boss. Let him know your side of it before the boss gets his brothers exaggeration of events.
Most likely, your boss is used to this kind of thing from his brother.
Clear-Scholar5720: I am hoping so
| 9 | 4 | |
1672088269 | 1672104650 | t3_zvwpk3 | t5_2to41 | 54 | Silver_Profession_44: TIFU by teaching my son a slur through K-pop
Eveyday while cooking I listen to a playlist I made a long time ago. I like the feeling of nostalgia while cooking.
My son (5) likes to help with certain dishes and thus listens to the music aswell.
One of the songs is "2NE1 - I am the best". I liked this song when it came out and still listen to it. I never thought that listen to korean music would get me in an uncomfortable situation.
At the beginning of the song they repeat "I am the best" four times, but in korean (naega jeil jal naga). Never thought anything of it until my son wanted to sing along.
I stopped the music and he still sang that part. I asked him to repeat that. The way he sings the first word it sounds like the N-slur in german! He told me he liked that song and I hear him sing that part often.
I try to correct him, but it still sounds like the slur.
Safe to say I wont listen to that song when hes around anymore
TL;DR Listened to the song "2NE1 - I am the best" daily. My son tried to sing along and sings the first word like the N-Slur in german.
PheonixGalaxy: Link?
KrystalAthena: https://youtu.be/j7_lSP8Vc3o
PheonixGalaxy: LMFAO
| 4 | 13.5 | |
1672080814 | 1672095473 | t3_zvtx9i | t5_2to41 | 19 | X_x_mattie_x_X: TIFU by paying $60 for a subscription with $1 in my bank account thinking it was a free trial
Like the title says, I tried to get a free trial on Rakuten Viki (which I have done before with no problem and it offered me a free trial) but it still charged me for a yearly subscription. I have already requested a refund through Apple support, but I don’t know if there’s anything else I can do. I thought that if something messed up, it wouldn’t charge me because I have my account set up so it wouldn’t overdraw, but since the payment was through PayPal, it overcharged me. I am too ashamed to tell my family and I am on the verge of tears. I thought that it would just say I don’t have the funds, it wouldn’t charge me, but that’s clearly not the case. Since it was through PayPal, I know there was a way to cancel the payment but when I went to check, it would not let me. I thought about contacting my bank and I did end up calling the customer service number, but when I started to hear what it was saying, I thought there was probably no point because I already contacted and requested a refund. I unfortunately won’t know if I get it for another 48 hours though.
TL;DR: I paid $60 for a Rakuten Viki subscription with $1 in my account thinking it was a free trial
Etianen7: Sometimes a service can detect if you've used the free trial before, and if it does, they bill you for the regular price instead of starting another trial.
Revocation_Of_Doubt: Yep, had this with Spotify.
I argued that there should be a confirmation before it charges and got it refunded.
| 3 | 6.333333 | |
1672091955 | 1672149193 | t3_zvy4sx | t5_2to41 | 1,251 | [deleted]: TIFU by accidentally identifying myself, my brand, and my company as "Sh*t Head"
[deleted]
aifo: At some point in their career, every software developer learns not to use offensive placeholder data because it ended up visible to the client.
One of the testers i worked with used the names of dictators for their test data!
flyingcadet: Used this one once:
> ID10T Error: Replace unit between monitor and keyboard
It never popped up with testing. It only showed up during the final demonstration with the customer, and to myself. 30 minutes after the meeting, my boss knocks on my door "I've fired people for less before. I think doing it to yourself infront of the customer was enough punishment for that. Fix the message."
My reply was an instant "Done and committed." I immediately turn red and could no longer talk. He left me silently for his office. I would later get to know this customer working for a different job. He thought it was the funniest error message he had even seen and loved the irony of the sole developer throwing a "user is stupid error" on himself.
Pandering_Panda7879: > ID10T Error: Replace unit between monitor and keyboard
Okay, I understand what is intended, but: How do you sit on your desk? How does this even work? How can the user be between the monitor and keyboard? Do you type with your hands on your back? Are you looking away from your monitor and use a mirror? How?
ReekyRumpFedRatsbane: In the logical chain, you are inbetween.
You take inputs from the monitor and give outputs to the keyboard. So, you are the unit between monitor and keyboard.
OhGod0fHangovers: I’ve heard “PEBMAC (problem exists between monitor and chair) error”
ReekyRumpFedRatsbane: There are a few variations of that. I've heard of PEBCAM (...chair and monitor) and PEBCAK (...chair and keyboard), but also PEBKAM (...keyboard and monitor), for example.
conifer13: And PICNIC - Problem In Chair Not In Computer
kiwibearess: This one has never fully made sense to me - surely it could also read the exact opposite "problem in computer not in chair"... ?
Mogioeki: Well, that is your out on that one. If someone gets offended, just say you meant the other one.
| 10 | 125.1 | |
1670183896 | 1670259455 | t3_zcjsh1 | t5_2to41 | 106 | Desperate-Tip-8846: TIFU by trying to spice up sex life and ending up with a sprained ankle.
My partner and I had been feeling a little bored in the bedroom, so I decided to surprise them with some new sex toys. I ordered a few different ones online, including a pair of handcuffs and a swing.
I thought it would be a fun and exciting way to spice things up. Little did I know, the swing was not as sturdy as I thought. As we were trying it out, the swing suddenly broke and I ended up falling to the ground, spraining my ankle in the process.
Needless to say, the mood was completely ruined and we had to spend the rest of the night icing my injury and watching TV.
TLDR: I tried to surprise my partner with new sex toys and ended up spraining my ankle. The mood was ruined and we spent the rest of the night icing my injury. Lesson learned: don't trust cheap sex swings
OkVolume1: Don't worry.
You'll be back in the swing of things before you know it.
Capitain_Collateral: You just couldn’t restrain yourself could you.
Twitch919: Man, don’t leave this guy hanging
| 4 | 26.5 | |
1670185731 | 1670268271 | t3_zckmu7 | t5_2to41 | 11 | Joelikis: TIFU by thinking I was being sneaky and taking a nap at work
I was having a really rough day at work and was feeling exhausted. I decided to take a little nap at my desk, thinking I could sneak in a quick power nap and no one would notice. I closed my eyes and started to drift off, when I heard a loud knock on my office door.
I jolted awake and quickly sat up, pretending like I had just been deep in thought. But it was too late. My boss was standing in the doorway, staring at me with a mix of disbelief and amusement. She had seen me napping and was not impressed.
I tried to play it off, saying I was just taking a break and meditating, but she didn't buy it. She told me to go home and get some rest, and that I was not allowed to nap at work again.
TL;DR: I thought I could sneak in a nap at work, but my boss caught me in the act. I tried to play it off, but she didn’t buy it.
survival-nut: It could have been worse, just ask George Costanza.
No-Jackfruit2459: Worse? George was never caught, he was hailed a precognizant wonder for his "desk bomb room".
survival-nut: I was thinking it was worse because if I recall correctly, the bomb squad and fire dept were called and Yankee stadium was evacuated
| 4 | 2.75 | |
1670187846 | 1670228175 | t3_zcllxt | t5_2to41 | 96 | dansel__: TIFU by sending $1200 to a scammer trying to sell my camera
Ok a little context to the situation. I am a 19 year old film student living in Sydney, Australia planning to relocate in the city next year. I had about $1200 in my savers account which I know isn’t much, but since I was planning to move in with my girlfriend, and during this time, coming up to my family and I could put my pension pay of $833 aside, it seemed like nothing could ever go wrong.
However, I had been trying to see my old camera on Facebook marketplace for months and recently decided to relist it. I was selling at around $750. And just hours later, got a text asking: “This this still available?” At the time, I was just excited by the fact that I finally have a buyer and wanted to follow along. The way the person was communicating seemed very robotic and straight to the point, but I didn’t read much into it.
Moving forward, they asked if I had Pay ID which I said no but they could just transfer through my account. I gave them my transfer details like anyone would at that moment, but oddly asked for my email. I thought it would’ve been for a confirmation email so I obviously overlooked it. I give him my email and everything should be coming through, but I then get an email saying ‘ACCOUNT LIMIT EXCEEDED’.
That’s where everything went down hill. The email said I would get paid an extra $750 will also be put into my account for ‘expand my pay limit’. The person asked me to transfer $750 back into their account and I was really skeptical of doing it, and I didn’t have anyone else to talk to at that time. I was alone, broke, and didn’t seem like I had a choice. The emails seemed to be from Pay ID themselves, so I unfortunately did it. I even had to send screenshot proof to the emails for my confirmation.
They sent their bank details to me and the name was completely different compared to their Facebook. I don’t know how, but I would’ve thought it was their partner so stupidly went along. Next thing that happened, they said they put $1000 to pay as well and asked me to transfer that money into their account. I told them I didn’t have that money, but they were compromising that I could just pay what I had.
I did that and I thought I could finally rest. I then got a new email saying need to send them my myGov login details. The person insisted on me doing so, and that’s when I decided to block them. It was around 12 in the morning and I called my mum, she’s usually pretty good with stuff like setting up my pension pay and said she’ll try and see if should could get it redacted. Knowing that Pay ID is secure and locked tight, I don’t think that’ll be possible.
I don’t know how I ended up here. I don’t usually get scammed that often so it came as a big shock to me, but there were so many signs pointing towards this being a scam. I can’t say exactly my mindset at that moment, but what I can say is that I was going through this alone and had no one to look up to.
I haven’t been doing well mentally, especially recently. My roommates treat me like garbage and always openly mock me and pretend they did nothing wrong. I have both autism and adhd, so trying to have a conversation with a normal person is straight up impossible. I already struggle with so much and all I do is get taken the piss, when all I want is to be seen as a normal person.
TL;DR: I fucked up by sending a scammer $1200 trying to sell my camera. Now I don’t even have any money to move out and don’t know what to do anymore.
IanFoxOfficial: 'sell'
'send money'
... How?
scalpingsnake: I am not 100% sure but based off what they said in the post I think they scammers did the trick of pretending they already paid (in this case the seller) and are asking for it back?
Although that usually involves taking over the victims computer and making it look like they have the extra money in their account.
dansel__: Yeah that’s exactly what happened. I mind wasn’t really set to what was happening, but saying that they paid and the fact they kept paying more put me really under pressure.
EDIT: If you’re wondering how they didn’t use the computer for the money, I’d basically get emails saying that the payment cannot go forward because I don’t have a business acc. They would send me an extra $750 so I could upgrade and I would pay that back to him so that he wouldn’t get paid extra. Obviously it didn’t end well and he ended up asking if he could get my myGov login details which prompted me to call my mum.
Coco_Dirichlet: This is a very known scam. They do it over the phone as well.
Can't the bank cancel the transfer? If you call fast enough they might be able to recover it and you can file for fraud.
Usually scammers ask for gift cards exactly because they can get traced w/bank account.
dansel__: Yeah I talked to the bank about it and they said that it could take months to process the claim I made, but tbh it’s not likely I’ll get the money.
| 6 | 16 | |
1670189947 | 1670202376 | t3_zcmle1 | t5_2to41 | 247 | -firead-: TIFU by posting on Reddit
I've been a redditor for a while and one thing I regret was nuking my original account like a decade ago because someone I'd share it with started sending my posts to another person I knew IRL.
Since then, I figured I'm going to post about what I want and not worry so much about things like that because really I care a lot less what people think of me, and I'm pretty much an open book.
So I've posted some pretty detailed and personal stories in response to various things on here, and requests for advice on personal situations. All good, right?
Well, apparently, one of those accounts that reads AskReddit posts on YouTube picked up one I made years ago. And my son just came in asking me about it and telling me my username.
I asked him not to go digging through my posts, and he said he wouldn't, but if he's anything like me he probably will because he's nosy and doesn't listen.
I really don't want to delete or stuff this amount, but now I'm sitting here like 😬.
If you are reading this because I know you're nosy, sorry for what you might find and I guess I'll add a little more to the future therapy fund.
TLDR; Posted a story on Reddit years ago with recognizable details & now my kid knows my username.
Nicememecanitakeit: im not gonna be nosy im playing clash of clans right now
-firead-: You're literally being nosy by reading this post.
You said you weren't going to look me up.
Nicememecanitakeit: i was gonna post an askreddit thread and since i had searched up your username on askreddit i had thought it would bring me to the askreddit page but it brought me to your profile and i saw the post
xicoperez: 
LucidDreamwalker: Happy cake day!
xicoperez: Thank yous!
xicoperez: Who the hell downvoted me for saying thank you?!
| 8 | 30.875 | |
1672095909 | 1672166869 | t3_zvzogt | t5_2to41 | 325 | mirrorspirit: TIFU by spending my entire below zero Christmas weekend without heat
Like nearly everywhere else in North America, the place where I live was hit hard this weekend with below zero temperatures and really low windchills. My workplace closed early on Thursday and remained closed from Friday to Monday.
My apartment was freezing. I spent the entire time in like three layers of sweaters and added several more blankets in bed. I braved hot baths the first couple of days (because at least I could still get hot water and it steamed up the bathroom, but then went for bird baths on Christmas. I went to my parents for most of Christmas and Christmas Eve, but it was just them and my dog and I didn't want to bother them with heating issues anyway.
On Sunday night, I looked at my thermostat. It had conked out completely. I tried changing the batteries and the heater sprang back to life.
TL;DR I wasted my long weekend wishing for it to end so I wouldn't be so freaking cold in my apartment when all I needed to do was change the batteries on my thermostat.
RobieWan: What thermostats run on batteries alone? Any I've ever seen (40+ years) have been powered by the furnace. If they were programmable, they may have had batteries to keep the settings if the power went out, but wouldn't run it...
Ghost17088: Most have the capability to be powered by the furnace, but if it’s a 4 wire stat and the house only has 4 wire, it will be wired to R, W, Y, and G terminals. You would need a dedicated C wire to power the the thermostat. Now you could repurpose the G wire to be a dedicated C wire, but you lose the ability to run the blower fan continuously.
Additionally, this does not apply to thermostats that use power and a communication bus, like a Lennox I-Comfort series or Ecobee stats.
Lastly, if you have a Nest, you’ll want to add a dedicated C wire, whether you pull new wire or repurpose the G wire. Scavenging ground off of the Air conditioner’s contactor works ok in the summer, but in winter the internal battery will die on the thermostat and I’ve also seen it cause the contactor to chatter and momentarily cycle the AC compressor. Put simply, the thermostat quits working and will eventually damage the air conditioner in the process, in addition to losing heating.
hydrochloriic: Ecobee tstats don’t need to use communication buses. They also provide a power extender kit for the really weird installs.
Ghost17088: Yes, the power extender works by using a communication bus between the module and stat. 1 wire for power, 1 ground, and 2 for communication. The module can output 3+ signals to the furnace, allowing your thermostat to still control 3 or more functions while still having dedicated power and ground on a 4 wire install.
hydrochloriic: Right, but you don’t have to use that. If you don’t have a cooling call, or there’s more than 4 wires in the wall, it can be wired without the PEK and still run on the 24VAC.
On a side note, Ecobee’s install diagram system is one of the best I’ve seen.
Ghost17088: That’s true, the point I was trying to make is that regardless of using the PEK or not, the Ecobee does require a dedicated C wire. I do agree, they’re a super user friendly thermostat from both from install and use standpoint.
| 7 | 46.428571 | |
1672098637 | 1672181483 | t3_zw0pk2 | t5_2to41 | 449 | Playful-Sea1012: TIFU cause my gf almost broke up with me
[removed]
Acadia1337: Either you’re a complete idiot or you’re lying.
ShorkieMom: My bet is on this just being some weird fantasy OP has.
BillyShears2015: Post history seems to imply the latter.
muaddict071537: Oh gosh now I went through the post history. Definitely a kink.
[deleted]: Went through his entire profile , man really has a loving girlfriend but is “ scared” or “thrilled” that she threatens him with the breakup over things so small like having his neighbors see him through their windows
muaddict071537: He mentioned in a post about being into exhibitionism. So he gets off on being naked around others and probably also the fights he gets into with his girlfriend as a result.
[deleted]: Reasonable , I’m so anti exhibitionism , I have 10 layers of clothes on though
ISeeTheFnords: Same here, except it's just December in Minnesota.
[deleted]: ohio, for me
| 10 | 44.9 | |
1672100689 | 1672163778 | t3_zw1i0r | t5_2to41 | 42 | [deleted]: TIFU by agreeing to socialize.
[deleted]
EatYourCheckers: I'm so sorry! Thankfully (I guess) my husband went through a bit of a bushcrafting stage early covid. We never hike without food, water, raingear, blankets, and his knife. Hiking kills! Don't agree again unless you bring your own well-stocked pack. And don't share your parka with the idiots, lol
Skytale1i: Gonna guess you mean an emergency blanket like [this](https://www.snowys.com.au/emergency-survival-blanket). Would add a compass and a map though.
EatYourCheckers: Not exactly that but yes he does have some sort of emergency blanket. And a flint and steel, and I don't even know what else. We have never really needed any of it except one time it rained and he was so excited to bust out his high priced parka.
| 4 | 10.5 | |
1670194280 | 1670196475 | t3_zcoko7 | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU by asking my gf what she did with another dude while we were broken up
[deleted]
misterjive: So you dumped her but you're mad she didn't still act like she was your property after you dumped her?
PracticalRace7773: no i’m mad that she lied to me for 6 months about what she did
misterjive: Well, keep in mind that your dumping her means you weren't entitled to know anything about what she did while you were broken up. And if you're obsessing this much over her having sex I can sort of see why she wouldn't have been up-front with you about it.
You can either accept that she had sex with someone else while not in a relationship with you or you can't. If you can't, do her a favor and break it off.
PracticalRace7773: well in a healthy relationship, isn’t honesty crucial? the lack of honesty makes me wonder what other things have been hidden from me.
misterjive: Respecting boundaries and not being obsessive is also crucial.
What would you have done if she'd just said "it's none of your business?"
| 6 | 0.833333 | |
1670425125 | 1670503489 | t3_zf3617 | t5_2to41 | 1,624 | idkwtdnow2: TIFU (update) by saying something horrible about my child
A lot of you asked me for an update so I decided to let you know how we are doing
First of all thank you for your amazing advices. They certainly helped.
Having my sister over for a week was also good for her. She is better than me when it comes to kids and my daughter seemed better by the end of the week
So I explained everything to her. I told her she is my little miracle and I love her and will never send her back. I explained the whole story. She didn't say anything but she listened.
We redecorated her entire bedroom. I also realized that I don't have any of her photos at home so we got some family photos and some photos of just her and put them in every room (Is putting photos in the laundry room really as weird as my sister says?). She loves horror movies so we had a movie night and watched Coraline together(I don't know how she wasn't scared because I WAS. Is that seriously a kids movie?) We have also started family therapy. Today she even started to play that awful AWFUL song that she loves on repeat like she used to do before. After the 10th(?) time listening to it in a row I jokingly asked her if she minds sulking again and for a minute I thought oh no I fcked up again but then I caught her smiling which is like a huge success for me because she hasn't been smiling at me for weeks and I wanted to share it with everyone.
TL;DR : I fcked up but I think we are gonna be ok. She has been doing better and she is even annoying me and smiling about it now
TheSamyn99: Really happy to read the update since i read your other post! Im rooting for you OP! You’re already a way better father than my own!
P4DD4V1S: You need help mate?
Edit: the hell's with the downvotes? I just extended some compassion to someone who sounded just a bit downtrodden?
TheSamyn99: Hahaha no thank you for asking tho! I’m 23 and long gone from home😁 so im a-okay!
| 4 | 406 | |
1670196171 | 1670256220 | t3_zcpdse | t5_2to41 | 8 | drsoothe: TIFU by confusing US date &time formatting with my own.
This actually happened 10 minutes ago.
I am a massive Legend of Zelda fan - collected all of the games & original consoles to play said games. After 200 + hours into Breath of the Wild, I was so excited for the new game (BOTW 2 at the time).
Caught some of the Nintendo Direct with the first trailer for the new game & it finished with 5/12. I thought "Amazing! Just in time for Christmas!".
Christmas season is in full swing here (Ireland) & I was finishing up my shopping when I said to my partner "Fuck, I am so excited for tomorrow! New Zelda & I only have to wait until Christmas Day...". She says "what are you talking about? It isn't out until May". I was so confused, looked it up & sure enough, it was the 12th of May. Where did I get December from?
A few minutes ago, I watched the trailer as it popped up in my recommendations on YouTube. I got to the end & it said 5/12. American format - the opposite of mine.
FML.
Ps. I was too excited to see the 2023 either time.
TL:DR : Make sure you know the difference between regional date & time formatting
pgm928: This is why everyone should use American dates/times
EDITED: It makes the most logical sense to organize dates in order of importance, which the American system does. We most often talk about dates in relative proximity to the current date. The 12 months help organize those dates, so that signifier goes first. The specific date goes second. Then the year goes third.
It makes no sense to put the year first. When talking about a date in the near future or immediate past, you’d be constantly using an irrelevant number up front. The year can be inferred from the context, and if it can’t, you can simply and easily tack it on to the end.
It also makes utterly no sense to put the date first; that’s the most irrelevant part of the entire structure and can cause the most confusion for days 1-12. If you are talking about that date in the current month, you can just say “the x of this month.”
It’s about logic, not cultural hegemony.
DarkmessageCH: Yep, let me quickly change the way the whole world functions instead of adjusting the US of fucking A 🙂
katycake: United Stubborn Assholes, is what USA stands for. The country can't be bothered with a simple change to help others. This is one of the simplest ones to do.
| 4 | 2 | |
1672105367 | 1672132083 | t3_zw36yz | t5_2to41 | 1,328 | ThePartyWagon: TIFU by exploding Grandma’s glass shower door into a million pieces
Alright, so this actually happened today, 4 hours ago.
I’ve been staying with my in-laws for the holidays and they’ve been such great hosts. Dinners, drinks, movies, games, the whole Christmas nine yards.
My wife’s grandma lives on the property in a little guest house and she’s able to come and go as she pleases while still having her own space. It’s great.
I’ve been trying to help with things and be of as much assistance as I can but there hasn’t been anything significant I can contribute, other than driving both of their daughters home for the holidays through 12 hours of traffic and snow storms.
So, onto the FU, grandma came over and let us know her shower door was jammed and fell fo the track, perfect opportunity. I’m the guy who can fix things, has tools, and the mechanical aptitude to work things. I jumped on the opportunity to fix the door and be the guy who saved grandma’s day.
I walked next door and the glass door won’t slide, jammed up pretty good. The rollers at the top of the door were out of the track and the door just needed to be lifted about a half inch to drop the rollers back into place.
I grab the door, go to lift and the whole thing explodes, literally explodes everywhere. Glass in my hair, shower full of tempered glass, and I’m barefoot standing in an inch of glass.
No idea what happened, no clue why it broke. I didn’t even get the glass door lifted off the door frame before it exploded.
The other grandma was on her way over so I ended up spending an hour in the bathroom, cleaning up the glass, cleaned the whole floor, picking glass out of every nook and cranny, out of my hair, out of my clothing, etc.
Unfortunately, the moment I was waiting for backfired spectacularly and now grandma can’t use her shower. My wife’s uncle is a contractor and he said it will be somewhere between $400-$1000, fuck.
TL;DR: been waiting for my opportunity to shine while staying at my in-laws for the holidays. Tried to fix grandma’s glass shower door and ended up exploding it into a million pieces instead.
Merry Christmas Grandma! You get a new shower door!
Ramona_Flours: sounds like you saved her from having glass explode all over her
ThePartyWagon: That’s what the fam said. Better me than 90 year old grandma.
radkiller22: Could've scared the life out of her too
Raichu7: Could’ve done much worse than that considering how easily elderly people’s skin can tear. Grandma might have been seriously hurt.
svenvbins: Grandma doesnt care about torn skin if she's dead though.
| 6 | 221.333333 | |
1672108311 | 1672166095 | t3_zw48d9 | t5_2to41 | 849 | tobydiah: TIFU by Saving an Invasive Species
The past 2 days have been sub50 degrees Fahrenheit (sub10 Celsius to save anyone conversion time) in South Florida, which is fairly unusual.
I found a green iguana nearly dead at my door; and, I instinctively brought it inside, put it in a large plastic container, warmed it up with a hair dryer, etc until it was basically healthy again.
I completely forgot that it’s an invasive species in Florida that’s been causing many problems, so I’m now trying to figure out how to resolve this situation. I want to bring it to the local animal control center to “take care of it” (I’m sure it’ll annoy some people; especially when nature was already going to take care of it). Or I’m considering a bullet to the head or carbon dioxide poisoning (dry ice inside a cooler) since they are considered the most humane (and legal) ways to kill it.
Any advice from people with proper experience or even expertise with this situation would be appreciated.
The thing’s just chilling next to a jar of warm water while eating banana slices while I’m having a moral dilemma right now.
Ps. And no. Genuinely sorry to anyone that loves iguanas. I don’t want it as a pet. I’m not a fan of iguanas and feel very uncomfortable around them; they’re obviously not for everyone. I just didn’t want to see it die.
TL;DR Mistakenly saved an invasive species (green iguana) from the cold, not sure what to do now.
Various_Succotash_79: Honestly I'd just throw him back outside when it warms up (they say the cold snap is over, at least in the midwest). Yeah I know you're supposed to kill invasive species but that ship has sailed and he was already living out there anyway, you aren't changing anything.
DomesticApe23: Just the lives of every native species it doesn't eat.
Slurms_McKensei: Well now this raises some pretty intense philosophical questions on the subject of "culpability."
Had OP not done his best to save the lizard, would he then be responsible for its death? If he had, does that make him responsible for the death of native species? If OP directly kills the iguana, how does its 'murder' compare to the indirect 'murder' of anywhere from 10 to 10,000 native species members? Similarly, can a lawyer be at fault for his client committing future crimes?
And all that doesn't even begin to touch on invasive vs native! This iguana likely was born in Florida, its parents were likely born in Florida, and killing it in order to preserve the lives of other animals is no different than killing a wolf for eating a rabbit. Species move. Sometimes its humans fault, sometimes its accidental. The world goes on and life continues to change and adapt, but directly killing an animal is always the perpetrators fault.
DomesticApe23: The other night a cane toad got stuck behind my fridge. It was only once I'd caught it that I realised the universe had signed me up to murder something that night. So I did the right thing, and I killed it.
Slurms_McKensei: This night I read a comment about cane toads. Was the toad cane shaped? Or did they eat canes?
I screamed, for I did not know.
Edit: [this is all good fun but the universe didn't sign you up for shit. The environmental protection agency and US government, with not a single non-primate member, signed you up]
DarthRegoria: WTF??? This person said the right thing to do was kill the cane toad, which made it obvious to me they are Australian, because they are famous as an introduced species that went horribly wrong, completely failed to control the beetles they were introduced to eat and became an incredibly damaging invasive species. Why in the fuck would you assume they were American???
-Kerosun-: Cane toads are also considered invasive in Florida. This post is about an invasive species in Florida.
Just saying that it isn't a stretch for someone to read that initial comment about Cane toads and think they're also talking about Florida.
DarthRegoria: But I don’t understand why you would read someone talking about killing an invasive species that’s invasive in several parts of the world and automatically assume it’s the US. Yes, the initial post is about one in Florida, but it’s not the same animal, so why would it be the same place?
-Kerosun-: I mean, you assumed they were Australian while admitting they are invasive in several parts of the world. Isn't your assumption just as "bad" as the person assuming the commenter was talking about America?
DarthRegoria: If you look at their follow up comment, they are indeed Australian, so I didn’t assume anything in my comment, I actually checked what the person they were replying to said. I assumed in my mind, then read their next comment to confirm. None of my comments were based on assumptions, I read what they wrote.
I will admit I automatically assume most people on international, English based internet platforms are American, because they usually are, but I’m not American and often notice when they say something that gives more information about where they live. I didn’t see a comment about a famously disastrous introduced species and comment that they had not choice but to kill it because of Australian law (which they actually don’t, but it was the right call). I checked their further comments. If there was no clear response, I would have asked if they were Australian before making any sweeping statements like the person I was replying to did regarding US law.
| 11 | 77.181818 | |
1670203572 | 1670205939 | t3_zcskoj | t5_2to41 | 14 | 0juan2345: TIFU by calling out my wife at linner.
Well f@ck me for looking out.
My son caught my “WTF”look as my family and I sat to eat an early dinner. Long story short, we had pizza for dinner the day before and both my wife had stomach discomfort issues but not the kids. Fast forward today, her and I ran an errand and decided pasta alfredo sounds great for linner but in a small batch because you know.. stomach issues. WELL… my wife is an excellent cook normally we cook together as a family but today she took the reins. She yells ready come get it. I go get my plate fixed I noticed my lovely wife had not only made pasta with alfredo sauce. She also included chicken fried chicken, fried chicken skin from a rotisserie, spicy chicken sausage from a few days ago, pan fried sautéed zucchini and the most random of all coconut breaded shrimp with dipping sauce. Now, this is where I fucked up. Like I said I guess I dont have a very good wtf poker face cause I got called out quick by my very annoying quick witted 16yr old son at the table. I had to speak, no hiding my confusion about eating a “not so heavy” meal. Before you all go saying pasta alfredo is not light meal at all, I agree but I felt this meal is rarely made at our home and a small serving would be perfect besides who doesnt love leftover pasta alfredo right!?! I’m looking at my wife serving and just about a everything I listed is packed on her plate. I stupidly reiterated about how last time she ate coconut shrimp she had digestive issues and her exact words where “that was not worth it you and you guys can have the rest” Easy peasy so I thought right… Apparently my wife decided she’d give it a second go with the shrimp (maybe the first time around was just a a spoof) and make the remaining batch to accompany this lovely already delicious meal. So after pointing out the obvious to her I instantly knew this was not going to go well. Her silence is LOUD! I still dont know if she’ll rip me a new one cause I’m apparently invisible to her at the moment (happened about 2hrs ago) or here’s to hoping (fingers crossed) getting some tail later on tonight. Thoughts and prayers people, thoughts and prayers…
TL;DR Wife made a very heavy meal while both of us are having stomach discomfort. Opened my big mouth and seems I got ghosted for the time being.
RudeSprinkles1240: You're a single 18 year old kid, aren't you?
BinkoTheViking: He’d have to be. A married man would know you never try to “get tail” when stomach discomfort is involved.
| 3 | 4.666667 | |
1670203357 | 1670268588 | t3_zcshf8 | t5_2to41 | 2,977 | [deleted]: TIFU by having to take a crap and discovering a cult room UPDATE + another fuck up.
Hi folks. I'm sorry that this came in so late, I had a very long talk with my parents and more than a few revelations.
You may remember me from [this post](https://camas.unddit.com/#{%22author%22:%22TheWednesdayEffect%22,%22subreddit%22:%22Tifu%22,%22searchFor%22:1,%22resultSize%22:100}) where I had to take a shit and accidentally discovered a 'cult' room in my attic, [where I found a altar with pictures of my dead dad and grandmother, various other deceased relatives, and lots, and lots, of dolls and animals with some religious stuff plastered all over](https://imgur.com/a/xQ6QpmK).
I got a lot of different responses, like..thousands of responses. Some told me to call CPS and leave the house, some told me that I should straight up just not mention the stuff I found upstairs, and others wanted me to confront my parents.
I won't lie, I considered all three of these at one point or another but reasoned out that my parents probably weren't going to sacrifice me to some demonic pagan god or whatever. So just in case, I told a friend that I was gonna be online on COD within the next two hours and that if I wasn't online at that point he should probably come over to my house as my signal might've fucked up (dumb lie, I know), and in the meantime I just went downstairs and asked my mom what the deal was with the shrine upstairs.
My mom's a bit stubborn, so she acted confused for a moment, but when I pushed a bit further, she cracked and started talking when I asked questions.
She told me that we are catholic, and like many commenters on the post said; as it turns out, they practice a Afro-Cuban religion called [Santería](http://santeriachurch.org) which is essentially a mix of Catholicism and a lot of African beliefs, the altar with all the photos is called a '[Boveda](http://santeriachurch.org/tag/boveda/)' and acts as a 'tunnel' between earth and heaven, she put photos of me there because she thinks that it will let the spirit of my dad and of my grandma protect me. A little weird, but alright, at least it was done with good intentions, I guess?
She also said that the dolls act as vessels for Muertos, aka the dead or just spirits in general that watch over us and keep us safe. The pots and vases I found are in the same sense 'vessels' for the Santos or Orishas, more powerful spirits that are usually associated with a certain saint, each and every one watches over their 'children' or a group of people and help them in life with certain things. She gave me a short rundown on what each one is, you can learn more about them [here](http://santeriachurch.org/the-orishas/) and connect them to the ones in the pictures, the rocks with shells on them were my mom's 'Ellegua', a Orisha that manages crossroads.
Anyways, eventually I had to bring up the elephant (or bird) in the room and ask about the severed deer(? Goat? Lamb?) And she said it was a thing for a Orisha called 'Ochosi' that has to do with hunting, I think? Then we talked more about the stuff around (thankfully the rock was not covered in blood, just some weird kind of alcohol) and got to the bird thing.
Up to that point, I won't lie, I was weirded the absolute fuck out but was oddly intrigued, I hadn't interacted with anyone outside of the core 5 mainstream religions (Christianity, Islam, Buddhism, Judaism, and Hinduism) before and this was a albeit slightly scary learning experience. But I sort of couldn't help but feel mighty uncomfortable when she told me that the birds were there because they were supposed to be an offering and that yes, she would sacrifice them.
It was the first time in forever that I was genuinely scared of my mom, she just casually explained that she would murder and has been murdering animals for years. I think she caught onto what I was getting at and promised that it was only farm animals and that she did it humanely by decapitating them or cutting some artery so they bleed out quickly.
Yikes! But again, I wanted to have an open mind, so I cringed in my mind, and asked more questions, most went nowhere but the one that really fucked me up was when I asked how long they've been doing this.
30 years.
30 FUCKING years they've been into this and they never told me about it. My cousins know, my aunts and uncles know, my grandma knew, my dad knew, virtually everyone in my extended family knew except for me. And you know what the worst part is? My mom and dad weren't "introduced" to it or sucked in by someone else, they were the people introducing others.
My dad was something called a Santero or Santera or whatever (I cannot spell it for the life of me, my mom used a lot of words I couldn't understand) that acts like a priest or fortune teller, he came over to the United States and met my mom and was the one to get her into Santería, she then introduced it to my grandma who immigrated not too long afterward and they practiced it together.
My parents split not too long after I was born and I stayed with my mom most days whilst my dad traveled a lot for his job as a 'salesman', turns out that he was actually hosting things for people and whatnot, which shocked me as growing up, when I'd spend weekends with him, he'd drive me across the east coast to people's houses and let me have play dates with other kids, at first I thought it was cause of his sales job, then when he'd have meetings over and over again with the same people (always young single women 😬) that he was fucking them as he'd always put me and the woman's kid in a room far away from them, but no, just doing rituals.
Next I brought up the rules, she said that she didn't want me wearing red because she assumed that like my dad, I was a 'son' of a Orisha named 'Shango/Chango' (as me and my dad according to her 'act like twins') and that Orisha's don't really like when their 'children' wear the color associated with them (Chango's colors here being primarily red with white accents.)
The graveyard rule was made because according to her, it keeps spirits from tagging onto you, and the hands behind your head thing was for the same reason.
The conversation continued on. She kept the whole thing away from me as she didn't want to make me uncomfortable (but obviously didn't think about how I'd feel if I happened to find out about it whilst looking to take a shit) and that she didn't want to scare me. She used to do her rituals somewhere else in our old house, but after my dad and grandma died (within the same area of 1 year) she felt as if she had to get closer to them somehow, which is why she moved everything into the house.
I wasn't comfortable with the sacrifice or the idea that my dad was a secret priest but I found myself tearing up a bit because it obviously fucking sucks to hear that my mom is suffering and that the only way for her to find peace with herself is through this. No matter what she does she's still my mom and I'm not going to hate her or run away or get her in trouble because of something she can't control (how she grieves.)
Now the issue with this though is that she was actually going to introduce me to Santería when I turned 16, induct me, and eventually 'mark my head' via making an incision on the crown of my head, and on my tongue. Hm.
I'm going to have a talk with her about that sooner or later because I'm not a fan of bodily harm but I do find this very interesting and although I don't believe in it much, I'd like to see what it's all about, it's one of the last things I have left of my dad anyway.
So, I patched things up with my mom and step dad, learned about the situation with the stuff in the attic, and it for the most part ended well. I'm not going to report them to anyone but I also am not joining the church of Santeria.
Then I realized the sheer, even worse, mega fuck up I made.
My dumbass posted this on reddit and it got over 2.9 million views. One of those views came from someone I know who used the information listed (Cuban and Panamanian Mixed-race Afro-Latino who lives in a four floor house with an attic that has a door which is always located a short while from of NYC with a dead dad) to realize who posted this and they ended up messaging a bunch of their friends who are now messaging me asking if I'm going to get possessed or something or if my parents practice voodoo or satanism and asking me if I want them to call the cops.
My dumbass, the literal only racial/ethnic minority in my town which is full of moderately conservative christians accidentally exposed that my parents do animal sacrifices and said they were in a cult.
TL;DR: Patched things up with my mom and step dad who practice a religion called Santería, found out that my dad was essentially a priest, told them that I don't want to practice it (I might be an agnostic anyway) but stupidly leaked all my info and exposed my family.
ReadditMan: I'm still just confused about why there's a bathroom in your attic.
Pope00: From my understanding, it has to do with the religion and the rituals. But frankly, I’m not entirely sure. I don’t practice Santeria. And I ain’t got no crystal ball.
mcnathan80: Well I *had* a million dollars...
Notajoo: But I, I spent it all.
darthbasterd19: But if I can find my Hannah, and that Sancho that she found…
Ok-Replacement6940: Well, I’d pop a cap in Sancho and I’d smack her down
littlesisterofthesun: What I really want to know (I really)
RonamusMaximus: What I really want to say, I can't define
Cambrian__Implosion: Well it’s love, that I need oh
Dracofunk: my soul will have to wait 'til I get back and find
Heina of my own
Edgy-in-the-Library: Daddys gonna love one and all
| 12 | 248.083333 | |
1670207359 | 1670277123 | t3_zcu5hr | t5_2to41 | 49 | Rdikin: TIFU - by never doing Santa or the elf thing until this year, and now my child is having an existential crisis.
I've never been big on holidays due to growing up in a cult, and so I never made Christmas a big thing besides doing a tree and presents.
I've always done the holidays, but they've never had that special spark to me and I guess I've accidentally passed that on.
I'm fairly recently remarried and my wife got my child an elf after he asked why all his friends had one but he didn't. (He's fairly new to public school). My wife has been onto me pretty heavily to be more 'in the spirit' this past year and now I see why.
Now he's asking why his elf hasn't shown up for 8 years, but his friends' elves have been around their whole life. Has Santa not thought about him before now? Is he not as special as the other kids?
Cue me feeling like the worst father ever. He's a really smart kid and very mature for his age so I guess I forget that *he's a kid and of course he believes in Santa*.
I feel terrible. I don't want to be the dad that makes his kid feel left out. These early years are magical and I want them to be special for him, so I'm going to try to make it right.
TL :DR - Never did santa till now and now my child feels like Santa hasn't cared about him. FML
CopsaLau: Tell him you forgot to apply and that you’ll make this year extra special to make up for it. You see, not all families celebrate Christmas. Some celebrate Hanukkah or Kwanza or other holidays. So in order to be considerate of everybody’s beliefs, Santa asks parents to write a letter to let him know to come to their house.
Have “Santa” write a very fancy looking letter to leave behind Christmas morning reflecting on all the years he has watched your son, proud of all the times he has shared with his friends and been kind to others, because generosity is the true spirit of Christmas. Let Santa tell him that he is happy to be invited to bring gifts to your home, and that he looks forward to all the new traditions you get to do together now.
Beneficial_Tough3345: Now really freak him out about krampus
NerdHerder77: I was waiting for the little devil on OP's shoulder to appear, lol. Did traffic suck today?
| 4 | 12.25 | |
1670208398 | 1670254542 | t3_zcuksr | t5_2to41 | 4,977 | GingerFoxii: TIFU by dressing as my gf's favorite cartoon character in bedroom
So my (26M) girlfriend (27F) has been watching this popular show for about a while, and she absolutely loves one of the characters of the show. She loves him so much to the point where she quotes him randomly or searchs up compilation such as "top 5 most savage moments of x character".
Anyways, I thought it would be a good idea to spice up things in bedroom a little, as lately we've been too busy with work to have 'fun' as we used to before. Therefore I thought it would be a good idea to cosplay such character. I mean, she really enjoys him a lot, so it would definitely make sense for him to bring some excitement to the bedroom. Besides we all have that little fictional crush we wanna, or wanted to smash at some point. So why not?
I searched up for costumes online, tho thankfully his fit is relatively simple. I was careful enough to make sure the costume would arrive while she wasn't at home.
My plan worked out perfectly till then. My girlfriend was at work, my package was home, I just had to set up the mood, so I decided to send her a message saying "I have a surprise for you, be ready for the best night of your life" or something along those lines, followed by obvious suggestive emojis. From her reply I could tell she was down for it too.
So night time comes. I was already waiting in our room. Candles lit in different spots of the house, leading to our bedroom. I heard the keys opening the door and I just knew the show was about to start. I felt so excited and I couldn't wait for her to meet her surprise upstairs. But when she reached the bedroom, shit just started to go down.
She opened the door and her face instantly turned into a horrified one. She started yelling at me and saying that I was a pervert, that I couldn't be serious about what I was doing, and that it was the most disgusting joke she's ever seen. I tried telling her it wasn't a big deal and that I could just take it off, but she ended up leaving the house and saying she was going to a friend's.
Now I'm just laying in my bed. She won't answer my messages or calls, and I'm honestly a bit embarrassed to tell anyone, so I'm just typing it here. The character in question was Stewie Griffin from Family Guy. Was it really that bad?
​
TL;DR I dressed up as Stewie Griffin for my girlfriend to spice things up in our bedroom and she got mad at me, leaving the house and now ignoring my texts and calls.
neovb: This can't be real, but if it is, this is one of the most hilarious things I have ever read on Reddit.
GingerFoxii: I genuinely did not think it was that big of a deal. I've seen a few bits of said show, and Stewie tends to act pretty much as an adult, besides the obvious sex references. Why would someone become so obsessed then?
James126554: Stewie is a child. A mature child saying adult things, but still a child in overalls.
ZirePhiinix: Stewie only imagines himself to be an adult. The perspective changes depending on who's talking.
Wedgehoe: You've just ruined my whole day. I just spent 20 mins looking into this and realised by articles and other evidence that this seems true. I now have to rewatch every season. O0
ZirePhiinix: What? I would love to have a whole different view where I get to re-watch a series that I enjoyed. I've tried some of the ones I liked before but some of them has zero re-watch value.
Nandabun: Would it make the later seasons good?
| 8 | 622.125 | |
1670208549 | 1670260313 | t3_zcumy7 | t5_2to41 | 10 | randomdude221221: TIFU By Repiercing my Ears
TL;DR: Didn't just repierce my ear. Pierced a new exit hole. Now have two exit holes in my ear. Pretty gnarly infection.
Hi guys, first time posting on this sub so bare with me.
Recently have been wearing earrings again after not wearing them for months. I don't know if it's supposed to be hard to put them back in again, but it usually is for me. When I've reintroduced them in the past I do have a tendency for infections so immediately started cleaning with alcohol twice a day and leaving the piercings out over night.
On to today (or rather about a week ago):Sometimes when I start wearing my piercings after a long break it's a lil painful to put them back in. I just go slow and try my best to be kind to myself. This time it was a lil resistant but ultimately gave with just a small amount of force, but it hurt worse than it usually does. I started cleaning the piercings twice a day (as I always have). But the infection was bad. Swelling, pain, pulsing, started oozing, and eventually started to smell. I kept bothering my partner saying why is this time so much worse.
I held up a second mirror today while cleaning the back of my ear. To my horror I realized there are two holes on the other side. I had not repierced my ear. I had pierced it in a new place. I have been potentially alternative between exit holes for the past week. Unknowingly making my infection worse. The entrance to both is the same, just the exit is in two different places.
I have resigned to letting the infection run it's course and if all is lost, go to a piercer to figure out what to do next. I'm gonna c
seekTRUTH33boldly: Is the last word suppose to be, cry 🤔
randomdude221221: If I'm honest I had to resubmit after not having a TLDR, so I copy and pasted and missed this
I'm gonna continue to clean it and only wear an earring on the other side. But yes reddit, today I fucked up :(
seekTRUTH33boldly: Lol it's OK..
I myself got a pretty severe infection on one ear and it was very painful...
Oh and also, one of my holes, when it was pierced at Claire's, it wasn't leveled the same as the other one, so if I wear a dangled earring, it will be on its side edge almost always and you can't really see the front of it 😔
| 4 | 2.5 | |
1672124532 | 1672166747 | t3_zw9f32 | t5_2to41 | 1 | CaptainPunisher: TIFU - IN CAGE YOU DIDN'T KNOW YOUR WERE ON r/TIFU. Bad jokes at the BULLSEYE right before closing
[removed]
Dark0ra: u ok?
CaptainPunisher: Automod really pissed me off. Otherwise, yeah.
Limp_Will16: I tend to agree. If the story is less than a few paragraphs, does it really need a tldr?
But I don’t make the rules… 🤷♀️
| 4 | 0.25 | |
1672125345 | 1672126224 | t3_zw9n84 | t5_2to41 | 20 | theapothecarium: TIFU by being scared shitless of a cockroach.
TIFU by being scared shitless of a cockroach
The first part of this here tale is going to sound like it belongs to r/iamverybadass, but bare with me.
I (27m) don't usually see myself as a cowardly guy. I've been stabbed, shot at, fought in a amateur boxing championship, hunt wild boars with only a knife.
But there's one thing i simply can't shake off, i'm scared shitless of cockroaches. I'm fine with spiders, beatles, stinkbugs,etc. But those six-legged-antena-bearing-creepy-crawling spawns of hell make me loose it.
Earlier today, i was washing dishes when i heard that familiar buzzing, it alone got me on high alert. Moments later the biggest bloody roach i've seen flyed over my head and stuck itself to the wall. I let out a scream of pure terror and jumped out of the kitchen.
My wife (26f) came running, i think she thought i hurt myself or something, but when i told her it was a roach she looked at me like i something stuck to the heel of her shoe.
You see, my wife is always boasting to friends and family about how much of a badass she thinks i am, she's constantly telling me how hot it is the fact that "You're basically an action hero bae".
But after she saw me hiding behing her and holding back tears because a roach flew into the kitchen she looks like she's disappointed at me, mad even.
She went to take a shower and went to bed without saying another word to me.
My heart still racing, i've been laying in bed wide awake. The mere thought of that thing making it's way to our room won't let me sleep tonight.
Update: Now its morning and she still won't talk to me
TL;DR: My wife whom previously looked at me like i was a superhero now think i'm a PoS because i nearly cried when a roach flew in.
TenderToTheTouch: There’s no shame in that friend. Like you said, six legged antenna bearing creepy crawling spawns of hell.. that’s a very accurate depiction. If it were me then I’d give the house to that monster cause I AM OUT!
theapothecarium: I was really considering driving myself to the nearest motel. In fact, the only thing that stopped me doing so are the holiday prices on those.
TenderToTheTouch: You should legitimately sleep with bug spray by you. And the fact that it could fly? I’m truly scared for you.
theapothecarium: I have my cats guarding the door and a wet towel covering the bottom of the door. Still the paranoia is real.
| 5 | 4 | |
1672124799 | 1672161501 | t3_zw9hrb | t5_2to41 | 19 | 0reoThief: TIFU by not knowing the difference between a muffin and a baby
TL;DR at the end. Obligatory "technically" this happened yesterday, about 8 hours ago. So I (M27) went with my fiancée (F28) to her family's Christmas celebration. I get along great with her family and they like me because I treat her well and I can (usually) carry a conversation without being overbearing or boring. We all finish eatng Christmas dinner and queue the FU. We start talking about deserts that everyone brought or made, and we start talking about our favorite deserts. I said mine is pie, but the kind with Graham cracker crust and whipped cream / cream cheese filling and a fruit topping, usually strawberry or blueberry. One of the aunts mentions her favorite dessert was muffins. At this point I got bored with conversation for whatever reason, and started to disassociate and go on my own mental journey without really processing any outside information. A short amount of time passed, maybe a few minutes, but no more than 10 I think? And grandma (let's call her Annie) asked me which one I would like to have. This snapped me away from wherever I was going, and I stuttered for a moment as I tried to gather my surroundings. Uhh, well... I stammered as I tried to think of what we were talking about. The last thing I remembered from before I dissociated was muffins, so I thought that must be what the conversation is still about. It was not, but I thought it was and so I replied that I would really like a chocolate one. The look on everyone's face was a mix of confusion and light shock. Annie managed to stutter out s-sso you plan on adopting, you don't want kids of your own? And I just stared at her, not speaking, with a totally blank expression. I did not know how to explain to everyone that I thought we were still talking about muffins because I dissociated our of boredom and ADHD. My fiancée was looking at me with piercing eyes that said: fix this NOW or I will murder you when we get home. Eventually i apologized and said I was making a joke, since we talked about desserts beforehand. There was some laugher about it, and the night moved on. For anyone asking, no my fiancée did not murder me (yet), and we still plan on getting married.
TL;DR Was having a conversation about deserts with family (we are all white) when I dissociated, and during that time the conversation switched to babies. Unaware of this, I answered Chocolate to the question of which kind I prefer. Family was mortified and I had to answer some absurd questions to fix my FU.
Edit: grandma Annie was asking which gender of baby I would want, if I wanted a boy or girl. She had asked my fiancée, and my fiancée said a boy so Annie asked me which one I wanted.
JimmiRustle: I still don’t understand the question.
0reoThief: Sorry, I forgot to add they were asking about gender. Do i want a boy or girl, but I thought they were asking about muffin flavors.
JimmiRustle: Oh uh. Just thought it’s a strange question since there’s no way to decide which gender you’re getting and they’re basically the same for at least the first 1-2 years. I have one of each and all I wanted was healthy children. Didn’t bother finding out the gender beforehand either.
| 4 | 4.75 | |
1672126325 | 1672261882 | t3_zw9x4t | t5_2to41 | 311 | [deleted]: TIFU by knocking my earbuds off the bed and playing porn in a dead silent house
[deleted]
maeby_surely_funke: Don’t sweat it. Your parents assume you do this, they just don’t want to think about it. Just like you assume they have sex but don’t want to think about it. They probably didn’t hear it—but even if they did it’s not a big deal.
Grazzygreen: And maybe it put them in the mood. Does that help?
3v4n777: have you ever felt the loving touch of a woman (that isn’t your mother)? answer honestly.
Grazzygreen: Does my wife count? She likes jokes and doesn't get offended at objectively harmless jokes.
Have you? 3v4n777
3v4n777: “objectively harmless joke” was just fucking weird. i can assure you unless your supposed wife is as strange as you she’d be concerned at a comment like that.
Grazzygreen: I showed it to her. She laughed.
What do you find so offensive about this? Honestly curious.
Edit: the joke is the op's parent's might be aroused from the sounds of a porno because apparently that wasn't clear to the puritans
3v4n777: im not offended, but a joke about parents getting aroused from the sound of their son/ daughter having sex is just plain fucking weird, in no way is it comedic.
Grazzygreen: So...that's not what the op wrote about. He wrote about playing porn on a computer which his parents might have heard. That's it.
Unless they mistook the op for the sounds that come from a porno (highly unlikely!), I think your outrage is way off base.
3v4n777: i mixed two posts up, i apologise for that, regardless still a weird comment to make over their kid playing porn out loud.
| 10 | 31.1 | |
1672126974 | 1672131965 | t3_zwa38b | t5_2to41 | 15 | [deleted]: TIFU by telling girlfriend I don't like her family
[deleted]
Darktenzi: Its like... okay to not be big on your gf's family... my gf like despises my mom... it is what it is, you shouldnt have to like walk on eggshells about it. I feel since she knew you were already not super i to her fam she maybe should have been more prepared for a no to the trip thing?
throwaway9908273: Maybe so. (I think) She was excited to go and really hoping for a yes from me as well. I can also be really inconsistent with what I do and don't want to do, so maybe she was just playing off the hope I say yes.
Darktenzi: Either way, its good that you at least talked about it. If she knows she may be able to help bridge that gap and make interacting with her fam more tolerable? If you agreed to go maybe make a goal of the trip to better understand the family dynamic? Maybe your perceiving it in a way thats worse then how they see it? Idk just kinda spit ballin here.
throwaway9908273: It's very possible I'm perceiving it that way. The more I think about it, the more I tend to shift towards that. I'll definitely make that a goal of the trip, and I'll try to talk to her about it in a way that's more towards building (like you said bridging the gap) our relationship rather than tearing it down.
| 5 | 3 | |
1672129528 | 1672237516 | t3_zwar2y | t5_2to41 | 13 | Vast_Manufacturer_74: TIFU By letting my co worker eat my shit!
[removed]
Devittraisedto2: So
Instead of bringing up to your manager
You took matters into your own hands in the most obscene and disgusting way, and don't think you did anything wrong?
You're an adult and your solution is to act like a child, no shit you'd be fired. Complete lack of professionalism. You just poisoned another person with your shit because you're a literal fucking child instead of being the adult that you are and bringing it up to your manager for a more peaceful resolution.
Vast_Manufacturer_74: Not mentioned in my post because so much to type but I did speak to the manager. Nothing was done because I didn’t have proof even though I saw him myself. I went to the manager a documented 4 times.
Devittraisedto2: But you didn't think of even attempting to get proof that he did it
Not even just a video or a photo
Of course nothing will be done, you had no proof and even if you said "but I'm sure he did it, saw him with my own eyes" all you have is your word.
Vast_Manufacturer_74: I had a video of him manager said they can’t prove it’s him be at hey barely see his face. Even though 4 others identified him. I also have a written signed statement from the lady who initially told me it was him. So there’s that not sorry!
Devittraisedto2: Then should've escalated it to the higher ups?
There's literally many other solutions, none of which involving feeding shit to your co worker.
Vast_Manufacturer_74: I’m not sorry regardless
Devittraisedto2: Oh I'm not asking you to be sorry, no one is. Considering you won't be able to even acknowledge what you did wrong.
Just pointing out, that out of the many solutions, you chose the most childish and immature way. I wouldn't be surprised if he asked you for monetary compensation and that you won't be able to find a new job that easily because you'd be known as the Loathsome Dung Feeder.
moleware: Why is everyone just dismissing the fact that this asshole has been stealing people's food? I say he got what he deserved.
Devittraisedto2: Of course he's an asshole, but doesn't mean you can just casually poison someone because they're stealing your food
Again, point I've made is there's a myriad of solutions that does not involve being a disgusting person by feeding shit to another person. If one of your solutions involve shitting on food and having someone eat it, then you do you.
I don't agree on that morality of "because someone is bad, I can do something worse"
Is petty immaturity the only resolution you have to a problem?
moleware: The issue I'm stuck on here is that this person is poisoning themself. You should be able to do whatever the hell you want to your own food.
If he OFFERED it to the person, or poisoned THEIR food, then I would agree with you.
This is not what happened.
I do think op went too far, if this even really happened, and does deserve some punishment, but not jail.
Devittraisedto2: What a mental leap in logic.
Pretty sure that would definitely hold water in court if the person decided to sue OP
"Your Honor, it is his fault that he got hospitalized. Yes I marinated the food with fecal matter with the express purpose of teaching Walter a lesson, but nonetheless it is his fault"
Question is if OP even ever attempted to talk to Walter to stop eating their food
moleware: What if he laced his food with extreme spices? Like, not lethal but very strong.
If I bring in super spicy food because I like it and someone steals it and develops or aggravates an ulcer, would I be held liable in that case?
Where is the line?
Devittraisedto2: Then no, that wouldn't be classified as poisoning
Since that's just personal preference to the way you make your food. You could argue that it's just the way you eat it. I doubt anyone would believe you that you like to eat your own shit.
The line is drawn when the intent is to cause bodily harm to the person to the point they're severely ill or dead.
Making the food spicy would just deter him from ever eating someone else's food, while using fecal matter would also deter him from doing so but the ingredients used would be classified as malicious intent.
moleware: Thank you. Sometimes I need the line spelled out for me.
| 15 | 0.866667 | |
1670214023 | 1670242091 | t3_zcwo4f | t5_2to41 | 60 | DinahDelightful: TIFU by watching a markiplier video.
TL;DR: I accidentally overheard my parents fucking.
Yep. Heres the backstory, literally just happened, but anyways:
I (f17) was hiding in my room as usual at around 9 o’clock, which us when my parents go to bed. Mom shouts at me from the living room “We’re going to bed, Goodnight!” I shout, “Goodnight!” Back.
Usually I either stay in my room or go into the living room to steal the big tv. I chose the latter and that was a huge mistake. So I go into the living room and go on youtube because markiplier posted a new video of him playing batdr.
Oh my god.
My hopes and dreams of ever watching this video in the near or distant future are crushed as I hear sounds come from my parents room down the hall.
Its moaning.
Its my mom.
MY PARENTS WERE FUCKING IN THE OTHER ROOM.
Now, i know thats what people do, im not stupid but i could feel my ears shrivel to a crisp as my stomach flattens like a pancake.
I turn the video off and go to my room, where I’m now posting this.
What do I do now???? Do I tell them I heard??? Do I push the thought down so hard I never think about it again??
Im never gonna watch that video again without thinking of that. :(
Edit: YES I KNOW PARENTS HAVE SEX. I KNOW THATS HOW I CAME TO BE. I KNOW ITS HEALTHY HOWEVER IT IS INSANELY AWKWARD TO HEAR YOUR MOTHER MOANING.
RealMudflapper: I’d turn up the tv loud enough to 1) drown out mom’s moans and 2) make dad yell “turn that down”
gastrognom: Bro, let them have some fun. Who knows how often they get to do it?
RealMudflapper: Absolutely. And be relieved your home is filled with sexy moans and not “omg please stop hitting me why do you get violent every time you drink” screams.
| 4 | 15 | |
1670215143 | 1670216482 | t3_zcx1v2 | t5_2to41 | 10 | [deleted]: TIFU by proposing to my girlfriend
[deleted]
PEneoark: Propose to her for real if you want to marry her
No_Milk_9459: I will, I would like to get like a ring and plan something a bit more romantic then a half drunk night a Christmas party
PEneoark: Make it happen. You got this.
aussie_nub: Yeah, I don't think this is a FU. If OP wants to do it, then he should've done it already. Now he has a reason to get his butt *into gear*.
OP, you're in a spot now where a really nice dinner and a nice stroll afterwards to a semi-romantic place is going to be a yes. Much less pressure than normal.
PEneoark: Just think. They'll have an awesome story to tell the grandkids.
| 6 | 1.666667 | |
1672131118 | 1672173180 | t3_zwb59s | t5_2to41 | 13,397 | Super_Stranger_9312: TIFU by watching gay furry content on monitored WiFi
UPDATE: Spoke to my dad this morning. Everything seems normal, but he's pretty good about keeping things under wraps until he wants to bring them up. My mom has left the house to go.. Somewhere? Things seem OK for now. Will update again if anything noteworthy develops.
UPDATE 2: My parents have gone out on their own because they "need to talk on private"
Not something they normally do, usually they'll just tell us to leave the room
Not sharing this on my main for obvious reasons 💀
Home for the holidays, everybody's gone to bed so I figure I'll have a little me time. My tastes are a little wild and I'm gay, so certainly nothing I'd ever want seen. To make things worse, one of the sites has a name that makes it sound FAR worse than it already is. A bit later I'm getting ready to head to sleep when I notice my WiFi is on, I totally forgot to shut it off.
Wouldn't be a big deal, except the home WiFi is monitored and sends an alert and summary to their phone when possibly pornographic sites are accessed. Wouldn't believe it had I not seen it myself, had to clear up multiple false alarms with my father in the past.
I'm not out to my parents, and I've certainly not made my thing for furries known. My parents are both fairly conservative and somewhat religious. Siblings are openly homophobic. I have no idea how this is going to go over, and there's no way I can block the alert to their phones. I've totally fucked myself, and there's nothing I can do to stop what's coming.
Guess I'll update y'all if I die or something. At best it's going to be a really awkward morning, at worst I'm going to be out on the streets.
I can't believe I did this to myself again. I already got temporarily banned from my Dorm WiFi for this sort of thing in the past. If I wasn't so stressed I'd almost have to laugh at the whole thing, maybe y'all can get some laughs instead.
TLDR: I've outed myself to my parents in the worst way I can imagine. They find out tomorrow morning and there's nothing I can do about it.
TheShroudedWanderer: Your dorm WiFi is monitored too? You poor lad, at least you haven't had maintenance wanting to check the smoke alarm while you were in the middle of riding a dildo 😳
Somorev: Please tell me that as they were knocking on the door you uttered the words 'be right there! im cumming!' that would be hilarious XD
TheShroudedWanderer: No more like trying to stall them for 5 minutes while I clean up, get dressed and figure what to do with a dildo I'd been using 🤣
ExosEU: Couldnt you just keep it.. hidden ? Ya know, burrying the evidence. /s
TheShroudedWanderer: I'm not about to put a dildo that's literally just been in my arsehole back in my toy draw, and no way I could keep it up there while I open the door, my bussy wasn't that strong at that age.
ExosEU: Good to know you're fully prepared for a possible next time.
TheShroudedWanderer: I'm 28 now, at this point I'd just keep bouncing, and tell em so, this is why you should give 24 hours notice, it'll be 20 quid each for the show as well by the way
Idiot_Savant_Tinker: A power bottom in more ways than one.
TheShroudedWanderer: Hah, trust me I'm no power bottom, my idea of a good time is tied to a bed while wearing a cage and getting pegged with a VERY large toy.
Idiot_Savant_Tinker: I don't know about a cage but that doesn't sound too bad?
OneSweet1Sweet: For anyone wondering he's talking about a chastity cage, not a normal cage. Even tho there's enjoyers of both.
Idiot_Savant_Tinker: I assumed he was talking about a chastity cage. They look like they would be uncomfortable or even painful, which may be part of the allure. Or I could be totally wrong.
PanTran420: Some are, some are not.
| 14 | 956.928571 | |
1672134852 | 1672169951 | t3_zwc2wj | t5_2to41 | 32 | tiredofmyfeelings: TIFU for texting my ex merry Christmas
I dont know what I was thinking. I told her merry Christmas, we started texting, we were drunk, and we started telling each other good things.
We talked that we were attracted to each other, and wanted to have sex jokingly.
We had a three month relationship one year ago, but for some reason i am still attached.
After a bit more texting and a two days later we started getting serious about the idea of meeting up to have sex. She hasn't had sex with anyone because she can't, and I have but haven't enjoyed it.
When talking i wanted to be honest with my expectations with her and told her that it was cool to meet up, and enjoy and see where things go.
She lives far away so we had to plan it. She, however wanted more of, we have sex and enjoy, and bye bye.
We decided to stop talking about the subject since we both had two different ideas, plans and expectations but I already received the damage. Fuck, she is hot and I want to bang, but i can't block my feelings out of it.
TL;DR: I talked with my ex to have sex, we didn't agree on the conditions and now I feel bad
HikerTom: She can't have sex? But she'll have sex with you?... what?
tiredofmyfeelings: Yeah, she can with me because she is already comfortable and we know each other. It was difficult at the start because she had mental breakdowns, until she was comfortable enough to do it. It was also erasmus, so easier to do this things
HikerTom: Oh gotcha.
Well yeah from the other comment about her cheating I'd say you should move on.
I've been in your shoes before so I know it's tough. But it's for the best for sure.
tiredofmyfeelings: It's for the best for sure, i need to
AjahnAnarchy: Oh, nevermind.
tiredofmyfeelings: I've seen now three of your comments, with three different opinions, which one is it? XD
AjahnAnarchy: I think you should play your cards right and give her what she wants, cause that’s at least part of what you want and then get over it remembering that it doesn’t matter if you had sex.
tiredofmyfeelings: I dont think its a good idea. It took me one year to more or less not think about her everyday. She cheated on me during the small three month relationship, and to hook up we need to plan it (she lives far enough) i know that at one point or another we will meet again (common friends) so i will probably use that time, if I still want to hook up, to do it.
If I did it now with those conditions it would only fuck me over more, and make it too hard for anything further to happen. Even harder for me to move on.
She has something that makes it way harder for me to move, it's actually my first love so it's not easy for me to move on from everything that was so important
AjahnAnarchy: Well damn. Good luck!
tiredofmyfeelings: Thanks!
| 11 | 2.909091 | |
1672135360 | 1672288240 | t3_zwc7rf | t5_2to41 | 40 | staterho: TIFU by chasing a shoplifter
I work at a grocery store as one of the members of management. Shoplifting is a daily occurrence and most of the time I’ll just let it go and write up a report to our corporate security so they can watch the CCTV footage, send out a bulletin with suspect and vehicle description to other stores, etc. But today, I was in a pretty bad fucking mood. There were lots of sick calls and it was really busy and I was getting interrupted every 5 minutes while trying to get my work done. I noticed a man around 6ft tall looking sketchy in the liquor department. He had tattered and dirty clothes and a very strong, unpleasant smell I caught a whiff of from about 10 feet away. He kept side-eyeing me because I was watching him and he grabbed a 1.75L bottle of Tito’s and headed back in the direction of the door. I followed him as he passed all the registers and I kept repeating “sir, you need to pay for that.” He ignored me and continued walking out. I followed him outside and ran in front of him and grabbed the bottle. He pushed my neck to get me away and I lost my grip on the bottle. Then he swung the bottle at my head, striking me right above my left temple. It hurt like a bitch but that pissed me off and I felt like I had more fight in me. We have large concrete pillars on the sidewalk just outside the doors and I shoved him into one of the pillars and then grabbed his forehead and slammed his head into the pillar several times before backing away. He chucked the bottle of Tito’s into the parking lot where it shattered and yelled “THERES YOUR BOTTLE GO GET IT.” He proceeded to spit in my direction, scream at me, call me names and knocked over a trash can and signs in front of the store. Now I’ve got a big bump on my head and didn’t even get the bottle back.
TLDR: chased a shoplifter out of my store, he hit me over the head with the bottle, I slammed his head into a concrete pillar, he threw the bottle into the parking lot where it broke
Edit: for reference, I (23F) am 5’5 and 160 lbs very muscular. The guy was around 6ft, very skinny, and looked to be in his early 40s
hsiale: > We have large concrete pillars on the sidewalk just outside the doors and I shoved him into one of the pillars and then grabbed his forehead and slammed his head into the pillar several times
Is the law where you live ok with killing someone caught shoplifting? This sounds like you could have gotten yourself into trouble much bigger than a bottle of liquor is worth.
JejuneEsculenta: Dude committed battery and OP defended herself.
Good on 'er!
AjahnAnarchy: OP technically commits assault chasing the suspect. 🤷🏻♀️
JejuneEsculenta: Chasing a criminal is not assault. Threatening them with injury may be.
'Course, that all depends on the locality. Assault and battery laws vary a little.
galahad423: Shopkeeper’s privilege allows detention in or near the store using a reasonable degree of force in a reasonable manner/for a reasonable period of time with a reasonable and sincere suspicion someone has stolen or is attempting to steal
Chasing them out of the store and grabbing them is almost certainly unprotected conduct in this instance.
Termsandconditionsch: Not if he hits her with the bottle first it isn’t.
galahad423: Then you could potentially argue it was self defense (but only if she wasn’t the escalator and didn’t provoke it, which is murky here since based on the facts she approached him and tried to grab the bottle), but IF she went out and chased him, there are some courts who will find HE was using his right of self defense when she approached him with the intent to put her hands on him or grab the bottle, both of which could be considered an initial assault which he was defending himself against
You generally can’t use self-defense as a defense when you’re the one instigating the fight
Termsandconditionsch: Depends on jurisdiction. Hitting someone who’s unarmed with a deadly weapon (which a 1.5l glass bottle definitely can be) will void any self defence argument in a lot of places.
galahad423: Sure, my point was that it’s unlikely the cashier would be unable to successfully claim self-defense here either, since they both pursued the potential thief and made physical contact first based on the doctrine of extended personhood (when she grabbed the bottle), AND the thief could potentially turn the defense around on them and claim self-defense themselves
| 10 | 4 | |
1670220328 | 1670221402 | t3_zcyqtu | t5_2to41 | 10 | [deleted]: TIFU acting like a Karen
[deleted]
nsanity27: Bruh just take your drink and leave. Have you never cracked a single joke with a coworker before? It’s a way to relieve tension and it’s not like everyone involved didn’t already know that the one employee fucked up. It’s not your job to enforce quality control and customer satisfaction standards
ixnine: You’re right, I should have just taken my drink and left.
nsanity27: If it makes you feel any better, you’re almost certainly not the worst customer they had to deal with that hour let alone the entire day
ixnine: Thank you, I appreciate that.
| 5 | 2 |
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.