start_date stringlengths 10 10 | end_date stringlengths 10 10 | thread_id stringlengths 8 10 ⌀ | subreddit stringclasses 1
value | subreddit_id stringclasses 1
value | total_score int64 -564 194k | text stringlengths 52 58.9k | num_messages int64 3 160 | avg_score float64 -55.17 14.3k |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
1670225591 | 1670247447 | t3_zd0c98 | t5_2to41 | 26 | Salt-Produce996: TIFU by kicking my creepy coworker out of my house
I (F22) work in an office that has a pretty tight group of friends. We spend a lot of late nights together and the job is difficult, especially since most of us are also full-time students. We throw a lot of parties and sometimes hang out after work to watch movies. I often end up hosting at my house because it’s bigger than most of my coworkers’ and I have a projector. Now, I have a coworker, V, (M22), who I absolutely cannot stand. At first, they didn’t seem so bad. My first interaction with them was them asking me out on a date over slack. (I said no, citing the fact that I’m gay.) V and I laughed about it and kind of hung out when we were in the office. Then, things started to get weird. V started showing me girl-on-girl wrestling all the time, especially these moves where they put their faces in each others’ crotches, saying “I bet you would like this.” It made me uncomfortable, but I kept my mouth shut so I wouldn’t cause drama.
V makes constant, highly sexual jokes that sometimes border on “rapey.” Over the summer, there were only a handful of regular office workers, and he seemed to think we were friends. He would follow me and the coworker I was actually friends with to coffee shops or my place to “hang out” without invitation. Mostly I would just sit and put up with his dildo and wrestling obsession until I could get an excuse to ditch him. Several times, he stuck with us the ENTIRE EVENING, completely uninvited, always with the constant sex jokes. My final straw was on one of these nights where he told us he recorded the sound of his roommate masturbating and laughed wildly like it was a joke. So I started ignoring him unless I absolutely had to interact with him. There are other small things too. V is pretty bad at their job and I spend a lot of time dealing with the fallout of their bad planning and difficulty with deadlines. He has had an obsessive crush on one of my other coworkers to the extent that they were super uncomfortable with the 2 a.m. calls (and sexual jokes about them possibly dating.) He makes loud moaning noises in the bathroom when the door is closed. Finally, he doesn’t seem to have a clue that he is basically universally disliked in the office and manages to insert himself into every conversation or hang out session.
So here’s where I fucked up. I made a rule with myself that I would only let V in my house when I held a work-wide party. If we had a smaller group, I didn’t want him around me because there would be no buffer. This hasn’t been a problem for months because every time we had a small group thing at my place, they wouldn’t come. I was hoping they had finally gotten the message. Tonight, we had a movie night at my place. We all rolled up and V walked in trailing the group. Something in me snapped and I immediately yelled at him and said, “You are not welcome in my house! You’re a creep. Get out.”
So, he said “okay” and left. I gave everyone else the spark-notes version of why I didn’t want V in my house and we watched some movies and had a good time. My coworkers (including my boss) basically said that I was valid for not wanting him in my house and were complimenting me and showing me memes so I figured they weren’t too upset. My secondary boss even texted me afterwards saying I shouldn’t sweat it because V needs to respect boundaries and I shouldn’t have to let them into my home.
Here’s the problem. This is not the first time I’ve yelled at someone at my job. I yelled at someone while on the clock completely unprovoked about a month ago. It was truly unprovoked. He was looking at me and I snapped at him and also called him a creep. I got in a lot of trouble. I’ve definitely set a precedent as being that girl who thinks all guys are creeps and is absolutely crazy. I’m a little worried this is going to put my job on the line but considering V hasn’t been fired for some of the things he’s pulled, I think I’ll be fine.
I’m mostly worried about what this says about me as a person. Am I an over-reactive asshole? Clearly I have some anger issues that I need to work out. I don’t want to ruin the vibes at my job because I love (most) of my coworkers. Most people seem to be able to put up with V and tolerate them, even the coworker he love-bombed. I need to get better at keeping my damn mouth shut.
TL;DR My coworkers came over for a movie night after work and I screamed at one of them to get out of my house because he’s a creep and I don’t like him around.
alnews: The main issue I think is that you waited a lot before expressing your feelings towards this person, causing the explosion of emotions to come out suddenly. In general, if you notice that you "snap" without a valid reason it could be a sign that you are not expressing and communicate how you feel in a healthy way. The next time in a situation like this you could have handled things much sooner by confronting V and saying something in the lines of "I don't like your sense of humor and it makes me uncomfortable, I would like you to avoid certain jokes when I'm around, especially in a professional context, otherwise I'll have no chance but to report you. You are welcome in my house if you can behave and respect me, otherwise you will be welcome no more".
Mode-Klutzy: Or everyone just needs to grow a little common sense (Like V needs to) and learn common human social decency. If you try to make a joke or say something and it just goes crickets or unnoticed, Best not repeat it or the like (Imo). Basically self high-five yourself (after being metaphorically left to hang) and move on. But their sense of humor is beyond a point. Now I like to often make things weird, but you don’t see me spilling awkward sex jokes of very odd ball themes kinks etc. that are absurd. I just simply like to catch my friends off guard once a day or every other. Ya know? If it goes wrong, I can easily acknowledge it, apologize, adapt, and move on. Period. And we’re all cool from there on out.
alnews: I’ve learned that what is common sense, common knowledge or simple decency for me or for a large portion of people is not the same for everyone. In this case it is better to clearly and firmly communicate how you feel about the situation, otherwise you may wait on them catching up forever (maybe choosing to avoid confrontation even more, by adding non-verbal clues) while stocking up on unexpressed feelings that will much probably explode in rage or somatize in some other ways.
| 4 | 6.5 | |
1670231940 | 1670233577 | t3_zd252l | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: TIFU by sending nudes to another guy
[deleted]
Sharp-Bad-6599: Your boyfriend hasn't forced you to seek attention from another guy. You made that choice. You need to own it.
If you felt like he wasn't providing you what you need or want, you talk about it first and if that doesn't work you then decide if what you have is worth the effort invested in it. No where in the above statement does it say cheat. If you are having this fwb relationship in hope he will love you again it isn't likely to happen so you have now compounded your initial mistake with a potentially even bigger mistake. Just best to remove sex from the equation until you have sorted the feelings out. Putting out for hope isn't a good strategy.
strawberryicing03: thank you for your comment, I forgot to mention, I brought up the idea of opening the relationship several times but in none of them I got a specific answer. Dw, I'm owning my mistake, he was the one who put the peoblem this way and I didn't want to alterate his words. The fact that we are having sex is hurtfull, for me, he seemed to be enjoying it more than he did before but Ican'tsay for sure that'sthe case... I will put my hopes high, because I need hope rn tbh.
Sharp-Bad-6599: If having sex is hurtful to you then quit. You going through the act of sex isn't going to make him love you again. It's just going too quench his thirst while you are left with the emotional damage that will you carry forward.
| 4 | 1.75 | |
1670983230 | 1670992463 | t3_zle80z | t5_2to41 | 61 | mashed-_-potato: TIFU by digging for coins in my money belt in Italy
Someone posted about a TIFU in Italy, so now I’m being reminded of my own little TIFU that took place in Italy a few years ago. After I graduated high school, my choir went on a trip to Italy. And as we were preparing to go, my director terrified us into thinking that if we carried a purse, we would be robbed. So I got a money belt, which is basically a flat Fanny pack that you can hide under your clothes.
On one of the days we were in Italy, I was wearing a circle skirt with a shirt tucked in (totally felt like Audrey Hepburn) and I had my money belt hidden under my skirt. We went into a gelato shop, and as I was trying to order, my friend was asking to borrow a coin. (Keep in mind that I’m an American and can’t really tell Italian coins apart.) So I was trying to order gelato while frantically digging around in my money belt when I noticed the Gelato Guy was laughing at me. Gelato Guy turned to the other worker and pointed at me, laughing and speaking in Italian. I realized that me reaching under my skirt to search for coins in my money belt didn’t look so innocent. I tried to explain that I was getting my money, but they just kept laughing. The gelato was worth it though.
TLDR reached into my skirt to look for coins but the Gelato Guy thought I was itching my lady parts.
nosnevenaes: girls itch their parts?
your_mom_is_my_wife: Yea but not on a normal basis in public lmao
nosnevenaes: name checks out
| 4 | 15.25 | |
1670237206 | 1670346858 | t3_zd3lww | t5_2to41 | 21 | copperbelly333: TIFU by being honest with my bf about my feelings
TW: suicide
Last night, I nearly killed myself. I wasn’t thinking straight, I just kept having flashbacks playing through my head of all the abuse I’ve experienced from my parents and my brain must’ve thought it was an easy way out. I didn’t do it, obviously. I put the knife away and ran to the bathroom, vomiting about how disgusted I felt about myself.
Anyway, flash forward to this morning. I had called a few mental health crisis teams in my area to get help because I don’t want to suffer with these thoughts. I’m on the waiting list for therapy and have been since October so I was hoping to start up on my antidepressants while I wait for some more support. And the mental health crisis team told me I need to talk about it with people closest to me to make sure I get the help I need while I wait to be evaluated for antidepressants.
So I spoke to my boyfriend today about it. I left him a couple voice messages explaining what happened and I broke down crying on them, but cut them off before he could properly hear me. Then he’s opened the messages and left me on seen. I just dropped him another asking if he’s okay because I know it’s hard for him to hear that because of his past trauma.
He hasn’t responded yet but I’m so scared he’s gonna leave me because I’m too fucked up to love. I love him more than anything else in the world and want to marry this man. He’s not the only thing I have in my life, we have a very healthy relationship, it’s just I see him as my life partner and I know I will get better. I’m trying to get better. I just hope he knows that and sticks with me through it all.
TLDR: told bf about my suicidal thoughts and got aired
Edit: thank you all for your comments, you helped me to calm down and think rationally!! We had a chat about it, and he was upset that I had waited to tell him because he wanted to be there to support me. He said if I had told him when I was going to do it, he would’ve called me straight away to make sure I’m okay (we’re long distance so it’s hard to see each other). He’s coming over this weekend to spend some time with me and make sure I feel better and I’m so happy he was patient with me. He also explained that he only aired me because he woke up late for uni after a night out and had work straight after - I was just playing through the worst case scenarios in my head because I was scared :(
Thank you all though, you’re all so lovely <33
Red-Skittles9996: Call him, if you see him in person maybe go see him. Maybe hes just taking it in atm and trying to figure out what to say or do, i did the same thing with my bf and he also reacted the same and pretended like what i said wasn't important but if your bf does that i say pull him aside and talk to him about it. But if you need someone to talk to i'm here to listen
copperbelly333: Thank you that’s very sweet!! He got back to me about 10 minutes ago saying we’ll talk about it later (I forgot he was in uni) but I’m still a bit scared about it. I don’t want to hurt him with this conversation, or drive him away, it’s just important to me that he knows what happened because I see him as my life partner. I know it’s a difficult thing to navigate for him (especially) but I just wanted to be honest with him instead of passing it off as “I was just upset” so he knows I’m a bit fragile right now and might need a bit of extra support
prometheus2508: You can't control how he'll react - it's not on you if he decides to be hurt by it.
Maybe he'll be a shining star about it, maybe he'll completely blow it. Most likely it'll be somewhere in the vast space between.
Are there other people you can reach out to? It's always good to have back up plans if one person can't be reached, and it may help your partner feel reassured that your health isn't entirely in their hands if they're feeling overwhelmed.
copperbelly333: Thank you, he got back to me and was just thinking things through. He was very supportive and will be visiting this weekend to make sure I’m okay. I also have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow to help me
prometheus2508: Nice.
You should feel accomplished having organized these solutions for yourself.
copperbelly333: Thank you! I do in a way.
The thing that’s always stuck with me was we have pre-therapy sessions before we go on the waiting list for therapy at my uni, and the therapist told me I was strong. She said when people have been through what I have, there’s like a fork in the road, and they can go down a good path of self help, or a bad path of using things like drugs to deal with it. I know eventually I’ll get better, I just have to put in the work for it all. It’s tough but I’ll pull through I think
| 7 | 3 | |
1670238872 | 1670417398 | t3_zd43nm | t5_2to41 | 25 | Frequent_Balance0: TIFU by sleeping with the same guy as my friend
I(32f) have a friend(33m) who I've known for years, nothing has ever happened between us except for a few flirty jokes.
Recently when I've been drinking with friends we've ended up in the same company, my best friend(32f) has slept with him on a few occasions. A few days ago I was drinking with him and some other friends and he ended up staying over on my sofa. 1 thing lead to another and we ended up kissing and he then started to perform oral sex on me..we agreed to stop as I didn't feel it was right to do.
I told my best friend a few days later and she was angry that I didn't tell her sooner, as after he had stayed at mine, she had slept with him the next day. I don't want anything to do with this man, I don't want him, it really was a drunken mistake but now I feel like I've lost my friend because of it.
I know this probably sounds pathetic to most but I need to rant.
TL:DR I slept with a guy that my friend has slept with and now she's angry
why0me: You should either both be mad at the dude, knowing you're friends
Or mad at yourselves for letting him play the both of you
Also maybe slow down the drinking if its leading to decisions that are affecting your relationships
Frequent_Balance0: Tbh I know what he's like and so does she as I've told her about other people that I know he is sleeping with. I'm not angry at him,I just think he should've told her or just not slept with her the very next day. I'm angry at myself for not saying sooner.
She also has a fwb separate to this guy. I just feel like the anger is more towards me for some reason.
why0me: Not to be *that person* but yall are all a bit too old to be acting like this
I mean, if it brings you joy, its your buisness but this whole thing reads like a 19 year old girls drama not a woman in her 30s
Frequent_Balance0: Acting like what?
It doesn't "bring me joy" it's something that was a mistake.
why0me: That whole situation is way too complicated to be "a mistake"
A mistake is "whoops I put my last name in the spot for my first name on this form" or "whoops I thought I had enough room to pull out in traffic but I accidentally cut that dude off"
Not "I got drunk with a man I know has multiple sexual partners, including my friend and had sex with him and now shes mad"
That's a choice, a few of them actually.
| 6 | 4.166667 | |
1672147564 | 1672161320 | t3_zwflyn | t5_2to41 | 52 | [deleted]: TIFU by entering a long-distance relationship with my best friends ex-girlfriend.
[deleted]
TAJRaps4: If there’s one thing i have learned dating it’s stay away from the crazy bitches. If she’s crazy once, she’ll be crazy again. Some people just want to manipulate people. Don’t stick around long enough to find why unless you’re their paid psychologist.
Ripvayne: You're not wrong. I must just be a naive person, as I convinced myself early on that she must just be misunderstood. I think I had an unhealthy and idealized view of what relationships were supposed to be. My desire for validation and attention compromised my ability to be rational.
SirWhisperHeart: I do think you're naive. But as far as character flaws go, that's not the worst to suffer from my friend. I've been in a situation similar to yours, and I encourage you to talk more about it to other people. Obviously, I don't know you at all but from my own experience, shame tends to cause us to hide these experiences away and ultimately leads us to repeating the same mistakes
You're not a fool. You wanted what every human desires, love and connection (eg, the romantic kind, the friend kind, the family kind) and she offered you a twisted version of that which only tore you apart. You didn't deserve that, and as you continue to heal I'd implore you to analyze (not in the shallow "I'm such a failure" self-hatred way, but in the mature, understanding way) what led you down that path.
| 4 | 13 | |
1672147867 | 1672204516 | t3_zwfphs | t5_2to41 | 132 | [deleted]: tifu by eating something im allergic to
[deleted]
OkVolume1: That's nuts.
[deleted]: They should've called 911 immediately
| 3 | 44 | |
1670243949 | 1670247689 | t3_zd5qhb | t5_2to41 | 34 | cummarks: TIFU by thinking my landlord and her boyfriend wanted me to join them
This happened a few days ago and I'm writing this from a hostel
I am M26 who went to a two-month work-related visit abroad, so I ended up renting a room in a big house where my landlord lives with her boyfriend (both around 50). However, they both are quite attractive for their age and there was chemistry between me and her since I arrived (or so I thought)
Near the end of my stay, something came up and I needed to stay for a week longer than originally planned. She said it won't be a problem as my room was still free anyway, "as long as I am a good boy", and winked at me. The way she phrased this turned me on, but I wasn't sure whether she meant anything sexual so I left it at that.
Fast forward to a few days before I was going to leave. As it's a big house, there were other rooms that she was also renting out, so the house was almost never empty. However, I somehow ended up being the only tenant left for my last few days. One evening around 11 PM, I was chilling in my room and I heard some noise. I went outside; it was my landlord having sex with her boyfriend and moaning quite loudly. This continued for 20 minutes or so. Now, I got very curious, as I hadn't ever heard them have sex until that day, which was also the day I was left as the only tenant (coincidentally or not). This got me thinking that they had me hear them on purpose and perhaps wanted me to join them (which I would have loved to). However, before I made the plan how to play it, they had already finished, so I decided to wait and see if it happens again.
And surely enough, tomorrow evening around 11 PM, they started having sex again, even louder than the first day. However, I didn't want to risk being too direct in case they didn't want me to join. So what I decided to do, I went to their door, masturbated while listening to them, and finished over the door and the floor. The plan was set in motion; now I just needed to see how they will react when they see it.
The next morning, I was woken up by some commotion; they were talking in the kitchen and seemed rather upset. I got ready for work while avoiding both of them, and when I eventually passed next to her, she didn't even look at me. When I came home from work, they were surely enough waiting for me and told me we need to talk. I sat down with them and they said I needed to leave. Of course, I understood what it was about, so I didn't talk back or anything. I just asked if I could stay for that night and go in the morning, but they said no, they wanted me to leave that evening. I packed up and left, too embarrassed to even say goodbye. Luckily, I found a spot at a hostel for the remainder of my stay (which ends today).
TLDR: I completely misread the situation by thinking my landlord and her boyfriend wanted me to join them for a threesome, so I made the situation awkward and had to leave the house earlier than scheduled
apexncgeek: Wth? I don't know how you take them having sex as an invite for you to join. Even if it was, even if you were my favorite person in the world, you do that and you're out of my life and out of my home.
That is nasty. Absolutely disgusting
Van_GOOOOOUGH: >having Sexes and fight for you
*having sex as an invite for you
apexncgeek: Thanks for catching that. I'm handicapped and use voice to text a lot. I don't always get everything corrected... especially just crawling out of bed.
| 4 | 8.5 | |
1670244829 | 1670256924 | t3_zd617y | t5_2to41 | 131 | Ladydi-bds: TIFU by dropping the ginger bread house
This occurred yesterday. I had purchased a kit to make a ginger bread house at my F(15) request. I was excited she wanted to as she spends much time in her room gaming and other internet/app stuff.
We planned the day and time with was Sunday at 2pm. She wanted me there and didn't wish to do it herself, which I was also excited about.
She chose to pretty much do it all herself with me beside her and helping where needed which I found most enjoyable.
Once complete, I moved it to a spot that our cats wouldn't mess with it. She was proud of her build and wanted to take a picture to share with friends. Here is where I Fd up.
We had personal pictures behind it that I didn't want in her picture to share as I am funny about things like that when it comes to the internet for safety i.e. never use your real name. Never give away your location other than country or state. Never have personal things in your back ground, etc.
I picked it up to move it and it fell apart all over our floor in front of her and I was mortified. I couldn't apologize enough.
TL:DR - I went to move my teens ginger bread house and it fell apart in my hands, in front of her, and smashed to bits on the floor.
Update: I bought a new gingerbread house and she made another with me jokingly saying I would not move it to its permanent location. Thank you so much for all of the encouraging feedback and hope you have an amazing day.
BADoVLAD: Parent of a teen and young adult here:
That just stinks. We love doing the houses together and I'd one breaks it isn't the end of the world. If the pieces are big enough you can "glue" them together using homemade icing with confectioners sugar and milk. If not get yourselves a new kit and laugh about the accident as you build the new one. Get some extra candies to make it better and more decorated. Use parts of the old house to make new things for the new house. Get creative! Make a few trees, or a dog, maybe even a kid to play in the yard.
And this time, build it on a large baking dish or platter so the base is nice and sturdy.
Ladydi-bds: Thank you and so appreciate all the tips!
BADoVLAD: No problem! I feel your pain as I've been there with little projects of ours as well over the years. It happens! Important thing is to try and laugh it off and use it as an excuse to create something new together.
[Here](https://www.spendwithpennies.com/gingerbread-house-icing/) is a recipe to make your own icing. I like to make the ground covered in snow and use the candy to make trees and plants or a snowman.
Good luck!
Ladydi-bds: Thank you so much! While getting her to HS this am, worked to get her into doing another one. Fingers crossed I can get her into it.
BADoVLAD: You got this, mom! I've actually got 3 kits myself for me and my two kiddos. Good luck with it!
Ladydi-bds: Thank you!
| 7 | 18.714286 | |
1670245301 | 1670369208 | t3_zd67hu | t5_2to41 | 9,687 | Edlace: TIFU by trying to watch porn while working from home
Today at lunchtime I tried to watch porn while working remote.
I have a big ass monitor to wich I connected my pc from work and my personal one at the same time and have both inputs displayed side by side. Because I don’t want multiple keyboards, I recently bought a mx master & Mx keys (mouse an keyboard from Logitech, look it up if you don’t know what they do)
And while I switched the mouse to my personal laptop to browse the internet, I forgot that the keyboard was still dedicated to the work laptop and typed porXXXXX.com and hit enter, wondered why nothing happened, only to see that I had sent the link to a porn site to a group chat with some colleagues.
I played it off by saying „ah seems like this is not getting filtered…“ and apologizing that I used the chat to test something. No one asked back so I guess everything is ok
tl:dr
Work from home, try to watch pornhub, keyboard still connected to worklaptop, send pornhub url to group chat
danite666: Everybody definitely knows what you were doing. People are stupid, dude.
Edlace: Yeah but at the same time, people care way less than you would think and I can only speak for myself, but I don’t think I would think about it too much if it was the other way around
Otfd: Not sure why downvotes.
Most people are human and watch porn and could probably careless, though still chance HR will be calling, always have that one person.
Personally, I would just laugh and be like he must be embarrassed lol
But I work in HR so the convo would be a lot different
Sheyvan: "could probably careless"
I think you mean couldn't
MyBikeFellinALake: Do you not understand what could care less means?
Sheyvan: Please enlighten me.
MyBikeFellinALake: I could care more could care less. He's indiferent
Sheyvan: His entire argument is only sensible, if he meant "couldn't care less" and simply misspoke. You pretending he meant to say "could careless" is fucking insane.
MyBikeFellinALake: He could care less. Idk why that's impossible to understand
Hydraetis: People say "could care less" for the same reason they say things like "could of".
Failure in basic literacy.
MyBikeFellinALake: And both are understood by the masses and any other point would just be semantics. His sentence makes sense to most people. It's really just you that's having issues fathoming it.
Hydraetis: I just find it strange that so many people are so incredibly proud to have failed at one of the absolute *easiest* parts of their life.
MyBikeFellinALake: Then there's you. The 30 year old who plays Pokemon, post in Taylor swift forums and argues semantics on Reddit. The Pinnacle of human existence
CaptainAwesome06: Dude, you should stop. "Could care less" is a misunderstanding of "couldn't care less" and everybody with basic literacy skills knows that. Just cut bait and take the L. As soon as you started attacking him for what he likes, you lost your already losing battle.
MyBikeFellinALake: And i telling you it's not. It is it's own phrase entirely. They mean two different things
CaptainAwesome06: Ok dude
/r/confidentlyincorrect
| 17 | 569.823529 | |
1670248631 | 1670283847 | t3_zd7dxs | t5_2to41 | 28 | Countryboy42014692: Tifu by jerking off with something I might be allergic to
Sooo… I’ve used something I obviously should’ve to masturbate with the last few days. 2 days ago my penis felt off. So I took a glance at the one eyed snake and holy shit. It’s not severe (I fucking hope) but it’s not pretty either. My penis and testicles are dry and rough. My glans looks cracked and my shaft is semi red. It doesn’t hurt much but it does when I fuck with it. I don’t know what to do. I’m quite sure it’s from what I used as lubricant as this has never happened before. I hope I haven’t caused permanent damage because if that’s the case I may just off myself. Any advice for how to fix my issue will be thanked.
Tl;dr I was fucking stupid and used something I shouldn’t have and now my dick feels like my fucking lizard named Karl. Please help
cheturo: You need to say what it was...
Countryboy42014692: I can’t remember what it was, I’ve already done away with the vile substance
RealMudflapper: I’m calling BS. You know exactly what it was but you don’t wanna tell us.
Countryboy42014692: What would I gain from lying about this?
RealMudflapper: I have no idea, but it must’ve been pretty damn weird lol
Countryboy42014692: Btw what would I be lying about? The fact like I threw the lotion away or the part where my penis is dry?
merrydragon412: Was it actual lotion? That’s all we’re trying to figure out. If it was hand/body lotion then maybe it’s an allergic reaction. (Surely you realize if you jerked off with, say, toothpaste and then said you couldn’t remember then THAT seems like utter bulls**t.)
Countryboy42014692: Yeah I completely understand that, but it wasn’t actual lotion it was some sort of shower gel I think and I know that’s a bad idea in of itself but I didn’t think it’d fuck me up this and
merrydragon412: New rule for you: don’t put anything on your dick that wasn’t made to go on your dick. (I hope it heals up fast.)
Countryboy42014692: Thanks mate😭
| 11 | 2.545455 | |
1670251297 | 1670418489 | t3_zd8kfl | t5_2to41 | 458 | kapowless: TIFU by having explosive loud...laughter.
This one is short, but maybe not so sweet haha.
I feel like I can share this story because we're all super mature adults here, right? I'm a Canadian unused to Indonesian food, and this morning I was uh...struggling to uh...pass some things in the Jakarta airport bathroom before my flight. Things got, let's say unexpectedly and explosively loud. As I was in the midst of my internal battle, somebody walking by my stall overheard and made the exact same sound as my beleaguered butthole, emphatically. I then started cackling uncontrollably mid movement.
Turns out the gut pressure of uncontrollable laughter whilst on the can actually really eases the way forward. Now my husband has been making random explosive farting noises at me all day and I'm cramping for entirely different reasons. I don't think I'll ever live it down. Butt I doo want to thank that random stranger for their enthusiastic back up vocals, you were better than prune juice haha.
TL;DR My internal bowel struggles became an unfortunately hilarious sound effect opportunity for a random stranger.
Smile_Terrible: Was it a woman who imitated your sound effects?
Rebbit_108: In a women's toilet it should be. Butt then: what of a voice! 😜
Smile_Terrible: It didn't say the women's toilet so I wasn't sure. Unless I missed it?
Rebbit_108: Normally public toilets are separated
– ladies
– gents
That's it.
| 5 | 91.6 | |
1670254311 | 1670256033 | t3_zd9ydd | t5_2to41 | 34 | artistecreat0r: TIFU by accidentally flushing a paper towel and flooding my bathroom with my own excrement
TW: NASTY poop story ahead
TL;DR I, a lactose intolerant person constipated myself for a week and when it was time to take a dump, ran out of toilet paper and used paper towels instead and consequently flooded my bathroom with my own excrement.
Currently waiting for the emergency plumber to come out as I type this in shame from the toilet of a coffee shop down the street from my apartment. I definitely should’ve known better and fully acknowledge I’m a dum dum in this situation.
I’ve been particularly stressed out lately, both with work and some personal matters and decided to eat my feelings. I generally stick to a pretty healthy, balanced diet and work out 4-5x per week, but I went completely off the rails last week. I should also note that I’m also lactose intolerant. But I didn’t care; I ate all sorts of dairy riddled goodness over the span of last week and the previous weekend; from pizza, mac n cheese, oooey gooey cheeseburgers, ice cream, and cheese fries, I was living. Needless to say, I was pretty backed up and bloated. I went the entire week without taking a dump. I definitely shocked my system. That was my first fuck up.
Cut to yesterday (Sunday). I’m watching football (NFL, not the World Cup lol) with some friends. I didn’t feel like walking to the store to grab my usual craft IPA and decided to just drink a tall boy of Miller High Life on hand. My next fuck up. The big reason I generally stick with craft beers is because beers like Miller, Bud, Coors, etc don’t agree at all with my stomach.
I went to bed night around 9 and fell asleep. Around midnight, I woke up with a sharp pain and some MASSIVE rumblys in my tumbly. I let out a few farts and that seemed to cause some temporary relief. I tried to go back to sleep. But then the inevitable happened and the volcano decided to erupt and I bolted to the bathroom. When I went to reach for the toilet paper, I noticed there was barely any left on the roll. So I reached under the cabinet to grab a fresh roll and to my dismay, there were none left. In my stressed out haze, I forgot to get more toilet paper. I literally could’ve just ordered it on DoorDash too. Wanting to just go back to bed, I decided to just use paper towels for the night and just throw them away in the trash, since I knew flushing them can clog your toilet (and made a mental note to pick up more TP on my way home). After about 3 trips back and forth to the can, I thought my bowels had finally been cleared and I felt relief. I went back to sleep and woke up around 5:15 to work out.
I like to do about 30 minutes of HIIT in the mornings on the days I go into the office (I do these workouts in the living room of my apartment). Mid workout, I feel another wave coming in my stomach. I clench my ass muscles for as long as I possibly can and try to push through the workout, but I’m about to explode. The second I sat on my toilet, liquid shit spewed out of my asshole like a fire hose. I sat for a minute or two and felt instantly better.
What I should’ve done was just hop in the shower right then and there. Nope. I was *determined* to finish my workout strong, so I wiped with a paper towel and out of muscle memory, threw it in the toilet and flushed it. Thought nothing of it. The single handed biggest fuck up of this whole situation.
I went back to my workout and when I came back in to the bathroom to shower, I noticed that things didn’t fully flush. So I flushed again. All of a sudden, shit filled, brown water rapidly rises up and overflows over the toilet, splashing the wall and flooding my entire bathroom floor with my own excrement. To my horror, I realized that I had flushed the paper towel. The Bounty Extra absorbent kind too.
I tried to unclog it myself, but only made it worse and splashed myself with my own shit. I took a hoe bath in my kitchen sink (gross, I know) and changed clothes. Then I called the emergency maintenance line to get a plumber out because I sure as shit (no pun intended) was not going to get this fixed myself. The estimated time frame I was given for someone to come out to fix it was 7am-2pm and someone needs to be present to let them in. Fortunately, my job is hybrid and I can work remotely for the day. The downside is, my shit covered bathroom is pretty much left to sit all day. And if I knew I was gonna work remote today, I could’ve slept in until around 7.
I felt another wave of shit brewing and with the toilet being out of commission for the foreseeable part of the day, took off for the coffee shop 2 blocks away. I’m currently on my second trip to the bathroom here. I’m hopeful it’s *finally* the last. It literally feels like someone doused my asshole in gasoline and set a match to it. I also feel disgusting.
Once my bowels are finally clear, I’ll be buying brand new bath mats and a big bottle of bleach and giving my bathroom the biggest deep clean it’s ever seen. And then, I’m gonna take the longest shower EVER lol.
Oh and before coming to the coffee shop, I ordered the biggest bulk sized toilet paper I could find on DoorDash and had it delivered lol. I’m good for the next half year or so.
PavarottiParadiddles: Aww I’m really sorry to hear that happens to you, that absolutely stinks (no pun intended). I’m praying that the day gets better and that your toilet can be used again soon ❤️
artistecreat0r: Much appreciated! Talk about a major case of the Mondays!
PavarottiParadiddles: This one sounds particularly Monday 💀 this too shall pass tho! I’m definitely here if you feel like venting to an internet stranger 😂❤️
| 4 | 8.5 | |
1670257245 | 1670277339 | t3_zdbbw3 | t5_2to41 | 151 | InnocentHeathy: TIFU by telling everyone the same thing when asked what I want for Christmas
So for once this year there is actually something I really want for Christmas: dumbbells. I've been consistently working out for a year and a half now but the dumbbells I have are not heavy enough for me. And it gets expensive so I always put off buying the next set up. So I had a plan: make an Amazon list with all different denominations of weights and that way everyone can pick which ones to get me and I'll work up a collection. So when people ask what I wanted for Christmas I told literally everyone the same thing: dumbbells.
So after discussing my fitness goals with my boyfriend, he told me he had a single modular dumbbell that goes up to 52lbs. He never uses it so I'm welcome to have it. Great! It helps with some exercises but there are still other exercises that I need two.
So after a night out with my ex in-laws (yes I still hang out with my ex in-laws) I helped them order christmas gifts for my daughter and showed them my list. My aunt told me that dumbbells weren't a christmas gift and dismissed it. My ex MIL also kept asking what else I would want. So I was pretty down that apparently my plan wouldn't work and I wasn't going to get the dumbbells I wanted. Since I was down my bf told me that he actually was always planning to buy me another modular weight for xmas and I should just delete all the dumbbells off of my list. I did just that.
Apparently...I didn't delete them soon enough. Because my ex MIL went home immediately after our conversation about weights not being a christmas gift and bought two sets of dumbbells off of my list. Then later my 7-year-old daughter (yes I even told my child I wanted dumbbells...) was telling her father she wanted to get me dumbbells for XMas but he wasn't sure what size since I deleted them off my list. He called his mother and she remembered what sizes so now my daughter also bought me a set of dumbbells.
I'm not sure what clued my ex in that I probably got duplicates but he decided to bring up that telling literally everyone the same thing was going to be a problem. I told him it's no issue, I took the dumbbells off my list because my bf got me a modular dumbbell so I don't need a bunch of different sizes. He then informed me that everyone got me dumbbells. My bf said he's not returning the modular one. I told everyone else that it would be useful to have some of the smaller denomination weights because it's less bulky than the modular but it's up to them if they want to return what they got and give me something else. Sorry guys...I just really wanted dumbbells...
&#x200B;
TLDR: Told everyone I wanted dumbbells for Christmas so everyone is getting me dumbbells for Christmas...but I am getting duplicates of the same weight...
commmingtonite: The real not fuck up is hearing that you maintain a nice relationship with your previous partner + Family. That's kind of sweet.
InnocentHeathy: Thank you :)
They were my family for over 10 years so I didn't want to ditch them just because I no longer wanted a romantic relationship with my ex husband. He is also the father of my child so we have to remain friendly for our daughter's sake.
TeachOfTheYear: As a teacher all I can say is, thank you. Divorce is so hard on kids and messy divorces....man oh man can they do some damage to a little one.
| 4 | 37.75 | |
1670261573 | 1670535937 | t3_zdde6t | t5_2to41 | 10 | TheRageH: TIFU by losing my card in a ATM
[removed]
Devittraisedto2: > card stealing atm
And not once you thought of reporting it to the appropriate authorities? Considering it happened before, and it has happened _again_?
TheRageH: That is probably what I am going to do if they don't give me back my card. It is a well-known bank tho.
[deleted]: Just because the machine is from a well known bank doesn't mean anything. A third party actually owns that ATM machine and a third party fills and maintains that machine (if its outside of said bank like a gas station) i would most definitely fill a police report to have a paper trail if you have a problem with fraud because of the situation. Hope it all works out for you.
| 4 | 2.5 | |
1670260181 | 1670276036 | t3_zdcq6q | t5_2to41 | 1,325 | Iron_man_30_: TIFU BY MISNAMING MY DOCTOR
So this happened when I was 18 years old so about 14 years ago. My doctor's office had a board with the name of the doctor who was in duty that day. The actual name of the doctor was printed on a sort of sliding board that could be inserted and removed at different times and on different days due to their always been a different doctor on duty.
At the age of 18, I had never heard of the word 'Locum' before, if anybody out there reading this does not know what it means, it basically means a person who stands in temporarily for someone else of the same profession.
I got sick one day and walked into the office and it read Doctor Locum. So obviously they had a specific slide in board for when it was not a usual doctor, but I thought that was the doctor's name. So for about 30 minutes during my examination, I kept calling the doctor Doctor Locum. She had a weird grin on her face throughout the session, but I thought nothing of it. She then gave me a sheet to give to the receptionist with, not sure what was on there.
I walked to the receptionist and said "Doctor Locum asked me to give this to you". Her and the other receptionist both burst into laughter so hard they almost fell to the floor. They explained to me that the doctor's name was not locum and explained what the word locum actually meant. I was so embarrassed that at 18 I had never heard of or seen that word.
To this day, I think of that day and I cringe so hard. Why did the doctor not say anything? Why was she okay with me saying Doctor Locum maybe 10 times without letting me know her correct name? I have so many questions that I guess will never be answered.
TL : DR Doctor's office said "Doctor on Duty - Doctor: Locum". I proceeded to call the Doctor "Doctor Locum" for 30 minutes and the receptionists almost fell to the floor from laughter. I have never been so embarrassed.
Gods-Nutbucket: I just heard about this word and I’m 23. Don’t be embarrassed, it’s not a commonly used word (well unless you’re in the medical field)
bob0979: 27, dad's a heart surgeon, spent my fair share of time in and around hospitals and hospital talk between asthma, depression, and my dad and his friends and I've never once heard of this phrase. I believe it, but it's absolutely reasonable to not know it.
Troldann: 39 and I learned something new today.
| 4 | 331.25 | |
1672165024 | 1672172123 | t3_zwm3l7 | t5_2to41 | 115 | [deleted]: TIFU by sending an email that I signed offensively on accident
[deleted]
faintestsmile: I'm pretty sure if they even notice they will just correctly assume its a typo, I don't think its reasonable to assume it was intentional
Mass-Driver: Managers at my company have been fired for less. A director was fired for charging his time on his timecard to the wrong account on the first offense.
wiedmaier: Time cards directly effect billing and payroll and on DoD projects can be a big deal. So if someone’s making changes that could actually fuck up your contract. Transposing the wrong letter in a word where the keys touch is a LOT less severe and it’s easy to show there wasn’t intent.
FLTDI: I've been working dod contracts for my whole career, making corrections is standard and billing has a lag to the government. Now intentional miss charging is the only thing I've seen someone get walked out for immediately. So I do agree it can be serious, I just doubt it was "one simple mistake and fired" especially for a director
wiedmaier: Which is why I think OP can breathe a little. If the manager got fired it was more intentional than a typo.
FLTDI: Oh yeah, agreed.
| 7 | 16.428571 | |
1670262945 | 1670276098 | t3_zde1n1 | t5_2to41 | 11 | NewDrop: TIFU by accidentally dyeing my hair green while trying to touch up my roots
Today I f\*\*\*ed up in the most embarrassing way possible. I was trying to touch up my roots and cover up some gray hairs, and I accidentally grabbed the wrong hair dye from my bathroom cabinet. Instead of the dark brown color I usually use, I ended up using a bright green hair dye that I had bought on a whim a few months ago.
I didn't realize my mistake until it was too late, and by the time I rinsed out the dye, my hair was a bright, neon green color. I was horrified, and I didn't know what to do. I tried using shampoo and conditioner to wash out the green, but it just wouldn't budge.
I ended up having to go to work with bright green hair, and I received all sorts of strange looks and comments from my coworkers. I was so embarrassed, and I couldn't wait to get home and figure out how to fix my mistake.
After some research and experimentation, I was finally able to remove the green dye from my hair using a combination of baking soda, vinegar, and lemon juice. It took several hours and multiple washings, but I was finally able to restore my hair to its natural color.
Has anyone else had a similar experience, or have any advice on how to avoid making a mistake like this in the future? I learned my lesson the hard way, and I never want to go through that again.
TL;DR: Accidentally dyed my hair green while trying to touch up my roots. Don't mix up your hair dye!
Kayman718: Maybe you’ll start a trend. 😂
andrewta: Here’s hoping she does
Not joking
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1672166805 | 1672247410 | t3_zwmsg3 | t5_2to41 | 8,280 | throwawaypossumlover: TIFU by thinking my date called me handsome
[removed]
killzone3abc: Bro why tf didn't you shower before the date? To be clear I mean earlier in the same day.
equivas: And he casually explain it was a day before, like... Wtf?
Independent-Sir-729: The* day before. Like the vast vast vast majority of people do.
vigilantphilson: No. The day of. Like every single day. Wash fool.
Independent-Sir-729: I highly doubt the average person changes their showering habits every time they go out.
vigilantphilson: If the average person doesn't shower daily they need to change their habits then
Independent-Sir-729: 1. No
2. There is absolutely no implication that OP doesn't shower daily, anywhere in the post! :)
mmmbopdoombop: >There is absolutely no implication that OP doesn't shower daily, anywhere in the post! :)
life is too short for engaging with someone like you
Independent-Sir-729: 1. You just did haha
2. Any counterarguments? No?
-TribuneOfThePlebs-: the guy literally said he didn’t shower the day of the date
you seem like you need a therapist
Independent-Sir-729: Yep, he sure did! What does this have to do with the conversation? :)
mmmbopdoombop: why are you like this
Independent-Sir-729: Like what? I'm not forcing any of these morons to embarrass themselves trying to participate in the debate. They do it all by themselves unfortunately.
mmmbopdoombop: You are obviously incorrect and are not even spelling out why you think your position is slightly defensible. You're just pretending to not follow the conversation. I'd guess this is some kind of way to protect your ego from being obviously wrong. Anyway it's tedious. I see it all the time on Reddit and it does not speak to positive character traits.
Independent-Sir-729: "You are obviously incorrect"
You are very welcome to explain!
"and are not even spelling out why you think your position is slightly defensible."
Which part of "OP didn't say that, you made it up" has to be defended? You can just read the post and see that it's not there hahaha!
"You're just pretending to not follow the conversation."
Nope, I'm following just fine.
mmmbopdoombop: I have no intention of handholding you to show you where you were wrong.
Independent-Sir-729: Thank you! I guess this is a teaching moment for you. Have a good day then!
mmmbopdoombop: further evidence that you are embarrassingly poor at following conversations. At least you're showing those silly redditors how silly they are eh /s
Independent-Sir-729: Me assuming the conversation is over because you said it's over is apparently evidence that I'm bad at following conversations hahaha!
Thank you for demonstrating just how braindead you are.
mmmbopdoombop: does OP shower every day
Independent-Sir-729: We don't know! (which is the entire point of this entire thread, by the way :))
mmmbopdoombop: We do know. Everyone knows that OP does not shower every day. They informed us as such in their OP. Every literate human who read this thread was informed that OP does not shower every day.
Independent-Sir-729: "They informed us as such in their OP."
Interesting! Can you show the quote?
I know, I know. It doesn't exist. :(
mmmbopdoombop: I'm slowly starting to understand what point you were struggling to make. What a ridiculous person you are. What a waste of your time. I entirely stand by my initial impression of you as the worst type of redditor.
You: There is *absolutely no implication* that OP doesn't shower daily, anywhere in the post! :)
OP: For everyone telling me to shower, *I did yesterday, the day before the date(AT NIGHT),* and my hands smelled fine.(I think) I couldn’t do it right before the date cause I have coily hair which takes a long time to dry
&#x200B;
There is a very strong implication that OP does not shower daily, at the second-to-last paragraph of the post. Why go to so much effort to be wrong?
Independent-Sir-729: "I'm slowly starting to understand what point you were struggling to make."
Struggling? Where? You mean the point you were struggling to understand because you're illiterate, right? Morons are so cute when they realize they're wrong and try to save their asses.
mmmbopdoombop: How does "For everyone telling me to shower, I did yesterday, the day before the date(AT NIGHT), and my hands smelled fine.(I think) I couldn’t do it right before the date cause I have coily hair which takes a long time to dry" not imply that OP does not shower every day? You said it was "absolutely no implication." And you have the gall to insult others' intelligence.
Njorord: Dude, just drop it. It's honestly not worth it. The dude is so far into thinking he can just deny and deny and it will stop being true. It doesn't exist if I can't see it kind of situation.
mmmbopdoombop: yeah, I've given up. I hope they at least they got the message that they suck
| 29 | 285.517241 | |
1672166335 | 1672186252 | t3_zwmlvj | t5_2to41 | 1,541 | lizziebordensbae: TIFU and almost killed my whole family
TIFU and almost killed my family
This actually happened a few days before Christmas, but... details...
So, my parents, sister and I rented a cabin a few hours from home for Christmas, a little staycation if you will. All was well, and we were having a great time. Until I went out for a smoke at 1am on 12/22, and then reheated myself some soup on the gas stove. Somehow, I left the gas on and didn't notice, and toddled myself off to bed in my room, which happened to be a modified wraparound porch, the best and only really ventilated room in the cabin. I was awoken by my very angry and sick sister at 7am, who had gotten up early for a work call, smelled gas, and realized that her stoned sister had almost killed them all. All was well in the end, we turned the gas off, opened all the windows and had breakfast wrapped in our winter jackets, but it was a close one. If she hadn't had that call, we all probably would've slept in and, they probably wouldn't have survived. They've all forgiven me, but I'm never touching a gas stove ever again. I'll eat cold soup out of the can next time!
TL;DR : I got stoned and left a gas burner on and almost killed us all right before Christmas
ETA a lot of y'all are coming for my comment about staying away from gas stoves instead of weed.... WE HAVE AN ELECTRIC RANGE AT HOME. Of course I'm not super worried about it happening again, given there's no gas to leak in our home! We were on vacation in a cute old cottage a couple hours from our city. I haven't really used a gas stove much, which definitely didn't help, and it was old, at least from the late 80s. I learned a lot about gas appliances and won't make this mistake again if I ever encounter another. Yeah it was dumb, and I probably won't cook that high again, but y'all really took an offhand comment and ran with it!
Leprai: Not gonna lie. If it were me, I never would've reheated the soup. That's a lot of work for stoned brain.
lizziebordensbae: Lmao long time smoker here and I was so cold and so hungry that it was worth opening a can, dumping it in a pot and waiting a bit
Leprai: Yeah, I've been smoking for a decade or so, although currently enlisted, so not nearly as much as I used to. Just gotten used to cold meals, so when I do smoke, it's reading and videos. No moving unless absolutely necessary haha.
waynesunderworld: Enlisted like Military?
Leprai: Yes, indeed. Around six years now.
waynesunderworld: Oh cool. If you don't mind me asking, how do you get around the random tests? I've never tried cause I'm too scared.
Leprai: It's super simple, actually. I limit myself based on known time frames for those tests. Not to mention, I don't smoke nearly as much as I used so, so my system is clean way faster than a habitual user. For example, I'm on leave currently. I smoked for a couple of days, but in this instance, I haven't smoked since September ish. So my system will be clean in under two weeks, if not less. (Just FYI, it's based on amount and potency as well, but the most important factor is how often you do it.) I've also made friends with the UPLs, and they let me know a bit ahead of time, too.
waynesunderworld: Okay makes alot of sense. I've only ever accidentally indulged due to THC vapes in bars but this seems like a simple way to just get back into it lightly. Thanks for the info! I've just finished year 11 this month.
Leprai: Heck yeah. Mind if I send you a message? I've got a link to an article for you.
waynesunderworld: Yep I don't mind.
| 11 | 140.090909 | |
1670265876 | 1670290153 | t3_zdfiz0 | t5_2to41 | 334 | craftycommando: TIFU by taking edibles
Here in Western New York legal weed is really taking off. We don't have any licensed dispensaries yet but there's a thriving grey market. I went to a black Friday pop up event and bought various items. Some premium blunts, candy, wax and infused syrup. Last night I cracked open the syrup and drank about 1/4 of it. Now I'm a seasoned toker and edible taker so what happened next I was not expecting. I started tripping BALLS.
Checked the label and couldn't find a potency or strain, just ""contains x mg of proprietary blend" .
Checked the website.... It was MUSHROOM SYRUP.
Tripped for 6 hours in bed. Had to purge just to shorten the high
TL;DR- idiot me accidently dosed myself with magic mushrooms. Check your labels even if you think you are an experienced drug user.
EDIT: typo
mrpasciak: How was the trip?
craftycommando: It was not a bad trip but I did not have fun either. I just laid in bed in the dark
mrpasciak: That's fair. Glad it wasn't bad.
craftycommando: You have to be in the right mindset. Unfortunately I had a really bad trip a few years ago. Kind of put me off psychedelics permanently. Not changes there. Luckily it was not a bad one this time around. No more for me.
kerochan88: Dude, same. It only takes one bad trip to turn you off for good. Problem is, I’ve now been depressed for nearly five years since it happened and I’m considering another to just to try and reset my brain or something. I was totally different before that night.
Mochimant: I will say, they can help you as much as they can hurt you. So a nightmarish trip that causes you to be depressed for years is a potential result, but so is your depression being cured or at least immensely more manageable.
It’s super individually dependent. You never know what’s gonna happen. If you trip again there’s as much risk of the same thing happening as there is for you to have a “brain reset”.. so if you end up deciding to do it just make sure you’re in the right setting and have a good, experienced trip sitter to help you stay in a good headspace. Also keep a benzo on hand bc they’re (nearly)instant trip killers.
kerochan88: Yeah that’s the problem. I’m probably worse off than before mentally now than I was before the first bad trip so I wouldn’t expect it to go better. I also don’t have anyone familiar with what to expect to watch over me, not a benzo.
Sure with I had a benzo to kill that first bad trip a few years ago. Longest night of my life.
| 8 | 41.75 | |
1670270623 | 1670273843 | t3_zdfw3q | t5_2to41 | 63 | rowanhopkins: I'm sorry but mayb u shouldn't smoke weed if u lack the critical thinking to see that's a bad idea
forvelcrobug: I know what yes talking about, and it's not really paper, it's the paper from the cigarette, that's normally getting emptied that are in the ashtray.
Tho why he has snot paper in the ashtray? No idea. I wouldn't do that.
It's more that "your ashtray was just burning, maybe you shouldn't empty it in the trashcan" that's the problem.
Not him having empty cigarette paper in the tray.
rowanhopkins: I still wouldn't leave empty cigarette paper in an ashtray, the only reason they don't burn into a flame is because they are full of tobacco.
But yes I agree and think this is a rare multi-fuck up of keeping things that burn in the ashtray and then also emptying the burning ashtray into the bin
forvelcrobug: Nah don't really burn, more (sorry, tired so missing the word atm)....ehm, glow(?)
Unless you light them with a lighter.
So if they're just in your ashtray and you put out a joint/cigarette, it mostly just glow for a few seconds before it's all just ash... No open flame.
rowanhopkins: I would use the word smolder
True enough, but it does still increase the risk of a fire forming (and spreading, as evidenced by this post), esp when you put tissue paper in too.
| 5 | 12.6 | |
1672169425 | 1672170589 | t3_zwntd9 | t5_2to41 | 12 | cherrytwizzler88: TIFU by ignoring my gut instinct.
Time I FU: I met this guy almost 2 years ago. He was good-looking, and charming, and had a good job. He was smart and funny, and all-around… just too good to be true. But he was whisking me away on lavish vacations, and spoiling me and my girlfriends. We would stay up all night, talking and listening to music; I felt like I was dating my best friend. I moved in with him quickly, met his lovely children, and ignored all of the red flags.
Then I found the messages with other women on his phone, and I didn’t leave. That was FU number two. I DID leave the second time, but by then I was deeply in love, invested in our future, I had a relationship with his children, and we’d gotten a dog together 💔 that I had to leave behind.
But FU number ONE was ignoring all the red flags, like the fact that he has no friends, or the fact that his mother *literally said to me* that “my son has always been a little bit of a narcissist,” the first time that I met her. Or the fact that he CLEARLY favors his daughter over his son, to the point where it is noticeable. To everyone. Including his son. Or the fact that he is gluttonous af, and also, seems to have addiction issues.
And when I look back to when I first met him, almost 2 years ago now, I had a gut feeling that this guy seemed too good to be true, and I ignored it. I stifled it and shoved it down and repressed it, and allowed myself to fall in love with this person who just ended up being a massive, walking red flag.
TL:DR : I met a guy, ignored my gut instinct which was pointing to all his red flags, fell in love, and got my heart broken.
derpiepo: Don't beat yourself up about it. I went through something similar and made a lot of the same mistakes of ignoring red flags and questionable moments that I KNEW were bad because the good times were so damn good. "Narcissist" gets thrown around a lot these days to describe anyone who's an asshole but it's rare that you will encounter a true, clinical one. Narcissists literally care about nobody but themselves. Any concern or whim they display for someone else is a contrivance to manipulate them into doing something they want or getting something from them. They mimic emotion and romance and tend to be very grand about it. At first it makes you feel special and loved and wooed and all that, until like you experienced, it becomes apparent that it's all bull and they're doing all of this to manipulate you.
I'm sorry you had to experience the misery that is dating a true narcissist. Mine ended four years ago and I'm still dealing with the issues it caused with my sense of self worth and judgement of character. The GOOD thing about this is now you know what to look for and you escaped without any permanent tethers to him like a child.
Good luck OP, be kind to yourself, and be glad you're free of him.
cherrytwizzler88: Thank you so much, I really appreciate your words. I hesitate to call him a full-blown narcissist bc I agree that it is thrown around far too often, but he definitely had narcissistic qualities.
I’m sorry that you had to go through something similar, but I hope you have the same optimistic outlook that I do. I’m glad to be out, and I know I deserve better, so I refuse to let him have any more control over my life and/or emotions. Cheers to you, and best of luck in your future endeavors!
| 3 | 4 | |
1672169980 | 1672210999 | t3_zwo1hs | t5_2to41 | 14 | TIFUTAway555: TIFU (update) on becoming an accidental porn star and my wife finding out.
Some of you may remember my previous post. Essentially, I was illegally recorded and blackmailed by a woman, and my wife found out. A lot has happened since then.
1. Most importantly, my wife and I are doing well. We’re gonna get through this.
2. I talk to the bar owner. It turns out the woman was an agency girl (so she didn’t work for the bar, was just contracted there.) both the bar and agency are upset with her, it sounds like she’s been black listed. My guess is she will become a freelancer since no other agency is likely to pick her up.
3. The agency owner was really pissed off. With his help, I was able to navigate the legal system, and reported it to the police. This would’ve been impossible to do on my own because I am not Thai. It took a couple grease payments, but she is being charged for her crime. It is highly illegal to make pornography in Thailand.
Due to the brigading and harassment‘s I’ve received from other sub Reddits and Instagram, I will not be answering further questions.
TL;DR - Justice is being served, and my wife and I are doing well.
MotoHULK: Bro must have a giant dick for his wife to stay loyal.
musketarte: Or she has no self worth/self love and is being heavily manipulated.
MotoHULK: Bro, if his dick was small, she'd be like why are you breathing so loud?
Killemojoy: Idk man, I have a big dick and my wife still gets mad at my breathing.
| 5 | 2.8 | |
1670266739 | 1670281542 | t3_zdfxzd | t5_2to41 | 100 | Davidhyun__: TIFU by moving to a new country
I just recently moved to a brand new country. I came here for my studies and get some job experiences and I was going to move out with a friend i’ve known for about a year. Good thing was my friends parents were going out of town which gave us time to look at apartments and have a look at them in person. When I arrived to the country nothing was out of the norm, everything was going according to plan and my friend was looking forward to moving out as well.
A few days go by and while we were looking at more apartments I ask him “ have you told your parents about moving? “ which he replied “no”. I was kind of surprised because I’ve been planning to move here for months and moving out together was always part of the plan so I thought he would’ve told his parents about it but apparently not, which wasn’t too big of a deal.
A few days go by again and the housing isn’t looking too good and all but I was going to buy a car ( which i had as a separate fund ) for travel as it’s a big country. So i pick out a car and my friend drives me to the deal and i ended up buy the car and had about $2000 for repairs and fixes which was in my budget.
I was ready to fix the car and still have comfortable amount of money left after I move in with my friend but then he tells me out of no where that he actually doesn’t have any money. No money for deposit, for travels or even the first months pay. So at this point I just didn’t know what to do. His parents come back soon which means i’ll have to move out some how, I just bought a car and i don’t have enough to try and move out on my own. I was panicking and trying to find places for cheap but nothing was available and my friend didn’t even help me. He said it’s out of his control and he doesn’t know what to do. I called up everyone I know at this place and 1 person managed to pull through and they let me stay until I can find a place.
I recently found a place on facebook market place for a pretty good price and location. I was so desperate and stupid so I wasnt very careful and it turned out to be a scam. So now i’ve lost everything. I’m just living at my other friends house, no where to go and lost. I could never tell my parents because of how much they sacrificed for me to get here and at this point I really don’t know what to do.
TL;DR
Hygro: tl;dr what?
Usof1985: Nah it was just too long so no one read it
aussie_nub: I read it so.
Person had a friend that they were supposed to move out with, they were completely unprepared for it so bailed meanwhile OP bought a car and got scammed so they have no money and in a foreign country.
| 4 | 25 | |
1672170694 | 1672243213 | t3_zwobwm | t5_2to41 | 5,249 | Fireblade09: TIFU by choking the chicken after my tonsillectomy
I, like most 23 year old males, occasionally partake in the sinful activity known as masturbation. In addition to damning myself to hell for such behavior, I was also blessed with the worst tonsils known to man. For the past decade, I have gotten strep at least 4-5 times a year. Got the flu? Strep. Got COVID? Strep. Slightly run down? Strep. Stiff breeze blows in my direction? You guessed it--hard-on and strep.
After getting mono, I started having tonsil stones, which finally prompted me to pull the trigger and remove the bastards. So, this Christmas, my gift was two big holes in my mouth and pain medicine. Shoutout to my family, they have been absolute angels and taken great care of me.
The surgery went fine and the pain was all-in-all miserable but manageable. I spent the first 4 days essentially fading in and out of a light coma with occasional breaks for Narco and applesauce. On Day 5 (Christmas!), I woke up around 7 AM feeling like I had turnt a corner. I got up, and while in the shower, decided to engage in some tom-foolery.
Here's what you need to know about tonsillectomies. There are a lot (emphasis on *a lot*) of arteries and veins back there. Lots of blood flow to the area. As such, ENT docs cauterize the ever-loving shit out of the back of your throat and warn against *any kind* physical activity for 2 weeks . One of the biggest complications is bleeding, which happens to about 10% of people. It is considered a medical emergency and necessitates a visit to the ER.
Had I done some due diligence before beating my meat like it owes me money, I would have found several similar TIFUs within the great scrolls of Reddit (example [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/k5ubpw/tifu_by_not_listening_to_another_tifu_story_about/)). Alas, I did not. And as such, I raised my heart rate and blood pressure while in a hot shower.
I finished the deed and got dressed. As soon as I pulled on clothes, I started bleeding.
When my doc warned against bleeding, I assumed a little ooze. A much more accurate term would have been "burst pipe" or perhaps "geyser." I am actively hemorrhaging. Blood fills my mouth instantly. I spit it out and it immediately fills up again. Instantly, my heart rate spikes and I feel faint. Holy fuck--I'm going to die. I yell for my parents and, as my mom pulls on her shoes and grabs keys, I spit up more blood than I thought humanly possible.
On the way to the ER, I continued spitting up and gurgling ice water. The ice water slowed the bleeding significantly, to the point where, by the time we got to the ER, the doctor was unable to find the source. He cauterized all around my scabs with some silver nitrate, then sent me home. The bleeding seemed to have stopped.
That evening, I was playing some video games and still spitting up small amounts of blood, and nothing puts me in the mood like Halo Infinite and bloody saliva. Not putting two and two together, I went for Round 2. As I was getting close, the geyser erupted again. Back to the ER (with blue balls this time!) I finally realized the extent of my fuck up.
At the ER, they paged my ENT doc. Since the bleeding could be slowed with ice water and the docs couldn't find the source, they sent me home again, with plans to see my ENT in the morning.
What followed was the absolute worst night of my life. I would lay in bed as still as possible and without swallowing (out of fear of triggering another bleed) for about an hour, the clot would burst, I would bleed profusely for 30 minutes, then repeat. I couldn't take my pain or nausea medicine out of fear of triggering another bleed. I couldn't eat or drink anything, so I slowly felt more and more faint. I bled 7 times total.
By the time we got to my ENT's office at 8 AM, I was in rough, rough shape. Pale as a ghost, sleep-deprived, blood-deprived, having diarrhea from swallowing too much blood, and completely mentally and emotionally shot. My ENT gave me a choice--we could either go under general anesthesia for another surgery, or he could do his best to cauterize it locally. I went with Option #2: a terrible choice considering my awful gag reflex.
Sitting in my ENT's office, the bleeding was in a slow period, making it tough for my ENT to find the exact spot. Suddenly, I had a genius idea on how to trigger the bleeding. I excused myself to the bathroom, pulled up my trusty NSFW Reddit account, and a few seconds later, had a nice bleed going.
The procedure was miserable. I coughed and spat up a ton of blood. I had a burst artery in a really difficult spot to access--it took my ENT a full 20 minutes of gagging and cauterizing to close it up. Doc was a trooper--I coughed a ton of blood on the poor guy. Nonetheless, after the worst 20 minutes of my life, the bleeding was stopped and my doc checked me into the hospital to get a few bags of IV and to monitor for a bit. I was completely and utterly exhausted.
Today, my spit is blood-free. I can eat, drink, sleep, and take medicine again. I appear to be in the clear, except for the fact that I'm stuck at home for 2 full weeks just in case I bleed again, meaning I'll miss the first day of class for my graduate program (and I am essentially doing No Nut Holiday Season). All the same, the relief I'm feeling is immaculate. Lesson learned.
TL;DR: A few days after my tonsil removal surgery, I raised my blood pressure by masturbating, triggering a burst artery and turning myself into a bloody Old Faithful.
alice_op: *Wow*.
I wondered why tonsillectomies aren't recommended for adults. Now I know. Cheers, OP.
and cheers to your swift recovery!
Fireblade09: The risk of bleeding is also highest in young adult males.
Lmao
blitzfreak_69: Holy shit dude, I had a tonsillectomy last summer, the worst 20 days of my life. Had to be on painkiller shots twice a day for 10 days, and could eat only vanilla pudding, ice cream and soups. How the hell did you manage to be in the mood to do the deed? Hats off.
Goukerng: Try a tonsillectomy, adenectomy, and (idk the term for it) half of your uvala taken out at once... That was hell on earth
LocoCoopermar: Why did they take part of your uvula?
Goukerng: I had severe sleep apnea and it was due to very large adenoids and such. ENT Said it was prob better to do more than less since the surgery is typically less effective when you are older so they took part of that as well
LocoCoopermar: Dang did it help, I have really bad sleep apnea and still have all my equipment, and I get tonsil stones so this is starting to sound enticing
Goukerng: Not as much as I would of hoped. I am able to breathe through my nose now which I couldn't before and never realized that wasn't normal. I can't gargle or get up mucus very well now. Overall though it did help some so I'd say it was worth it. How bad is your apnea? I think mine was every 7 mins I'd stop breathing so depending on how serious yours is you can weigh if it's worth it
LocoCoopermar: I don't remember the exact stats but I was in a hypoxic state causing damage for like 70%+ every night, I got my nose worked on not too long ago for similar reasons and that seemed to help a lot so I may just stick with that for now
| 10 | 524.9 | |
1672172762 | 1672173948 | t3_zwp67t | t5_2to41 | 67 | fairiefire: TIFU by making children question their religion
(obligatory "this happened many years ago") I used to work as an in-home counselor for families. My client was a kid living with his aunt and her 2 children, who were around his age, 10ish. The case was difficult as I was supposed to help the kid grieve his mother's impending death, but the aunt did not want him to know his mother was more than "sick" back in the Caribbean, while he was in the US.
The aunt was a devout Jehovah's Witness and the kids were being raised in that religion. No problem. I was sensitive to their beliefs and practiced cultural competence. We mostly focused on how he was settling into a new home/country/school/setting, how he was handling his mother's illness, and his homesickness as a result.
The week of Halloween, the kids asked if they could tell me a secret. As a counselor for children and families, you have to treat secrets carefully as I am mandated to report certain things and don't want to lie. I asked what sort of secret, if anyone was being hurt, something like that. They said it wasn't anything like that, but that the mother/aunt would be mad if she knew. I said I might have to tell, if it was serious, but probably I could keep their secret if they still wanted to tell me. They opened their backpacks to show loads of candy. I asked where they got it. In hushed voices, they said their school had a Halloween party. Ah, this was a secret I could keep! "Are you not allowed to eat candy? Is that why it's a secret?" They informed me that Jehovah's Witnesses are not allowed to celebrate anything (not birthdays, and certainly not Halloween) in order to not be seen as seeing themselves as higher than God. I asked how they felt about having had a Halloween celebration that clashed with their faith. They said they thought candy was great and what's wrong with that? Fair enough. They went on to say that Halloween is Satan's birthday, so it's very bad to celebrate it, which is why this is a secret. I said I would keep their secret; the statute of limitations has run out since they're now all adults.
Here's where IFU: We're having a kind of surface-level conversation on religion and I'm a curious person. I asked "Satan has a birthday? And he was a fallen angel, right? So do all the angels have birthdays?" There was utter silence as they looked at each other and me. I think they realized that they were sold a bag of lies. I needed to blow this off. "Well, I guess they were created or born, so they must have birthdays. We all do." They kind of shrugged it off and we changed topics. I hope I didn't do any lasting damage, but I do hope they are critical thinkers and made the decisions that were right for them as they aged.
TL;DR: Asked if all angels had a birthday, since they were told Halloween was Satan's birthday, which made them fall silent.
Opus-the-Penguin: Why would that be a stumper or a faith-challenger? Obviously as created beings the angels had birthdays, no?
speculatrix: Maybe Lucifer has a cake day?
Opus-the-Penguin: I mean, all the other mods do, right?
| 4 | 16.75 | |
1672175851 | 1672273517 | t3_zwqh0b | t5_2to41 | 7,552 | ThrowRasayde: TIFU by getting an ultrasound done
[removed]
howdidienduphere34: I am sorry you are hurting.
I was 17 when I had my first daughter. I knew from day one we would choose adoption. My mom is a social worker and she had a coworker who wanted to adopt. The family was perfect and was there for me the whole pregnancy and even there for the birth.
All that being said, I still cried, a lot. I couldn’t look at her the day she was born, I was afraid of what I would feel. I didn’t see her until a week later when I visited them at their house. And even still, I cried. For a whole year. Until one visit when I saw her just being her perfect happy self and I knew that it didn’t matter that I wasn’t raising her. I was her mom and I had done the right thing her her, she was happy and healthily because of this choice I had made for her. Her mom and dad were amazing loving people and that didn’t take anything away from who I am to her or what I had done for her.
She is in her 20s now, and happy and healthy and smart and lives close by. I wouldn’t change my choice.
It will be hard. It will be sad. You will hurt. But eventually there will also be joy. I went on to have more children, and I can tell you that all parenting is like this in its own way.
Good luck to you, whatever you decide.
ThrowRasayde: That’s truly beautiful I’m glad I’m being warned about the emotions I’m no way shape or form ready for them..how weird it may sound this is the first time I felt some sadness about giving him away.. The adoptive family is so nice and will support me if I want a closed or an open adoption, at first I was saying closed adoption all the way, so i wouldn’t face the pain of attachment…but now I’m slowly realizing that i am actually attached and idk how to deal with these emotions about it without just crying..but thank you so much about this perspective of it. Regardless it’s gonna hurt..
Llamathrust: You hit the nail on the head: "regardless it's gonna hurt". It'll hurt for a while and may never stop hurting but over time you'll be able to manage it better and better. But you, as the adult (which I use only as a placeholder for "you are a child yourself and never should have been forced to go through all of this"), need to make the best decision for the baby AND for you. You are too young and not prepared enough for a baby. It's so fucking hard being a single parent. It's so fucking hard being a single parent. It's so fucking hard being a single parent. Now this is coming from a 35 year old man with a great career making great money who waited until the time was right. I love him more than anything and I'm so glad I have him. I have support from family but that only goes so far... You don't get sick days, you don't get date nights, you don't get "I just want to sleep in today".
You haven't even started your life yet and you aren't at a place to be able to give this child the life they require, much less the one they deserve. Diapers, wipes, clothes, toys, all the newborn gear, it's all so expensive and that's assuming you'd be able to breast feed. If not, formula alone could bankrupt people and it's not something you can just not buy. Not only that, it's purely on what the baby can tolerate and if it's that expensive shit, pay up sucka. Daycare is $250/week and that's on the low side.
Do what you have to do to protect yourself the best you can. No one is going to judge you for not holding the baby or even looking at it and if they do, who gives a shit. I'm just some stranger online but you are making the right decision going with adoption. You made the right decision going with abortion, too, but that's a battle that's already been lost. Adoption is winning the war.
I'm sorry you've been put in this position, I hope this doesn't sound too harsh because that wasn't my intent, it was meant more as what parenthood is like in reality.
juice_box_hero: If I could go back and never have children, I would. Being a single parent is hard as fuck. Especially when you’re young and don’t have a decent job. It’ll hold you back in all of the ways especially without a strong support system. I hope you find peace. I have an adopted brother and I helped him find his bio mom last year and his other siblings. I nearly gave my son up for adoption and sometimes wish I had. 🤷🏻♀️ it’s too fkn hard man.
Llamathrust: I’ve spent too much time and energy on the time travel “what if” thing. We waited until we had stable careers, the right house in the right neighborhood. What wasn’t planned was my wife passing away. I love him more than anything even though he has been a tremendously difficult baby during a tremendously difficult time in my life, when most days all I want to do is curl up in a ball and turn off the “exist”. Such is life when the difficulty has been turned to “nightmare” without my input.
juice_box_hero: Oh fuck, man. I’m so sorry. I can’t even imagine. I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m sure he’s the only thing keeping you going and that sucks too.
I toyed with the idea of adoption right up until I had him. And he was an incredibly difficult baby. He didn’t sleep more than 20 minutes at a time until he was almost 2. It was a fkn nightmare and ruined what was left of my relationship with his “dad”. That’s a whole other story. All the way around it’s been so fkn hard that it makes me want to kill myself constantly. I tell everyone who doesn’t have children and who are thinking about having children, to *never* have them. It’s just too hard and it’s not worth it and not fair to a child especially with the way the world is and how the earth is dying. I can’t go back now but I do definitely regret having or keeping him
Llamathrust: First, in lighter news, I just noticed your username and it's fucking awesome.
We're just now getting out of the extremely difficult, 100% attention phase. It's more like 80% attention but he's communicating and not getting frustrating and melting down as much and recently has been very generous with the hugs and kisses which certainly help to refill the cup.
I'm terrified I'm going to mess up and mess him up. I'm trying to give it my all but it's so hard working all day then spending what little time we have in the evening together playing or watching Youtube (supervised) and it's 50/50 if he's going to be in a bad mood. He seems to have a grudge against me doing any type of chores or even cooking so that's supposed to happen when he's asleep but I'm so exhausted that I fall asleep the second I'm able to get him asleep. Then I wake up after a couple hours from the horrific and vivid nightmares either reliving the night my wife died or losing loved ones in terrible and gruesome ways and I'll spend the rest of the night watching YouTube or browsing Reddit because I'm too traumatized to go back to sleep and risk another dream like that.
You know, just living the dream.
I totally get where you're coming from, in a non-sarcastic way these are uncertain times and it seriously seems like every single day things just get worse and worse. It's tough to be able to say "I made the right choice bringing someone into this world". I'm starting to believe more and more that this is actually hell. Like the "heaven or hell" real hell. It makes sense the more you think about it. There's the billionaires and politicians who are actually demons put here to make us suffer, just to scratch the surface.
That being said I have a little man who came over to wrassle so it's time to stop rambling and get to the wrassle. Hang in there, online friend. I can't say things will get better but we can hope. There's at least one person who needs you and will miss you beyond measure and I'm 99.999999% sure that count is significantly higher.
| 8 | 944 | |
1672176537 | 1672199640 | t3_zwqreb | t5_2to41 | 163 | FilesArentVibrators: TIFU by using a nail file as a vibrator
[removed]
JakeRas15: This didn’t happen.
FilesArentVibrators: It did, I have proof.
I_fox_shit_up: No one wants to see that
Remarkable-Hand-4395: Speak for yourself, homie🤣
I_fox_shit_up: Dude! Who wants to see a bloody cheese grated clitoris?
bradjoray3: shredded beef.
| 7 | 23.285714 | |
1672176957 | 1672192711 | t3_zwqxim | t5_2to41 | 18 | pink_pineapple10: TIFU by overreacting to a prank.
Note: This is a throwaway because the person mentioned in this story knows my main. Obligatory this happened a few days ago.
A few days ago, I was trying to sleep because I had a long day the next day. I was all relaxed, and then someone was calling me on Snapchat. I got up and it was my best friend, S. I politely told S not to call me, as I was trying to sleep. S starts chatting saying things like "I stole S's phone" and "just call for one sec". He was also swearing at me. I deduced it was S's cousin, and I repeatedly told him to stop. I get paranoid really fast, so I was worried for S because according to her cousin, S did not know that her cousin had her phone.
The calls stop and as I'm locking my computer, I receive another message. It's S, saying "It was just a prank lol. I was here the whole time." This is where I FU.
I went *off* at S, and I don't usually so she knew I was serious. I'm not sure what prompted me to respond as I did, but I said something along the lines of "that's not funny. i'm not talking to you until winter break is over (we go to the same school). bye."
I'm now thinking I fucked up big time because S is practically avoiding me.
TL;DR: My best friend tried to prank me and I overreacted. I'm pretty sure she's avoiding me now.
MSGRiley: Fuck her. People need to learn boundaries and fucking with someone's sleep is not cool. Don't let anyone in this comments section tell you that you're the bad person here. Fuck that bitch. Don't talk to her again until she comes an apologizes to you. Let her get new friends to fuck around with.
Respect is something you give your friends. If your friends don't know what respect is, then they're not good friends to have.
pink_pineapple10: Arguably she probably didn't know I was trying to sleep bc even though I told her hours prior thatI had an event the next day, she knows I tend to sleep late.
MSGRiley: >I politely told S not to call me, as I was trying to sleep
This is what threw me. Now I don't know what to believe.
| 4 | 4.5 | |
1670272251 | 1670343970 | t3_zdin2m | t5_2to41 | 139 | glittergash: TIFU by sexting the wrong recipient
This morning I was opening an order I placed recently with parade. In the order is a very cute neon orange mesh bra. My boyfriend is an avid upland bird hunter and was out hunting this morning. I texted a full body picture of myself in my pajama pants and the bra, with the phone obscuring my face with the caption “I can finally go hunting with you now lol“. Not 30 seconds later, which is lucky timing on my part given that my boyfriend will go hours without communicating when he’s in the woods, said to me: “babe, you sent that to the group chat with our landlord!”
I unsent the message as quickly as possible, and also deleted it off iMessages from my computer. Haven’t heard anything from the landlord, and I’m not going to say anything either. My sole comfort is that at least the caption wasn’t erotic and the picture isn’t overtly sexual but goddamnit.
tl;dr - texted my landlord instead of my boyfriend a picture of me in a new bra
thecupwars: how the fuck do you fucking idiots keep messaging the wrong person what the fuck is wrong with you
BreDenny: Easy to do if you were just texting someone and forgot you had opened a different chat and so when you opened your messages assumed you were still in the first chat and sent a quick message. Of course most people are gonna be more careful with a sexy picture than, say, “What do you want for dinner?” But still possible and easy. No need to be rude.
thecupwars: Really not easy to do. If you lack the awareness of who you've even clicked, you're just dumb, that's not carelessness.
BreDenny: Did you read my comment? The messages automatically open up in the last chat you were in if you haven’t closed out the app, so if you were just texting your husband and forgot you were also texting your landlord, it would be easy to do.
thecupwars: Look I understand a normal text but it's a sexy picture, why would you even send that without checking the recipient, that is dumb. Also, not closing the app when you're done using it is even dumber why slow down your phone with background tasks
BreDenny: That’s why I said most people would be more careful with a sexy picture, but could still see how they did it. And most people don’t close an app they are actively using either. If you close the app between every text message while you’re actively texting someone, it’s more hassle and more battery usage
Connect-Ad-3652: It guy by profession. 1. I’ve seen a lot worse 2. You’re totally correct about opening and closing apps. Phones are built to be running multiple applications in the background, opening and closing apps causes more power draw than leaving 2-3 apps that you’re actively using open :)
| 8 | 17.375 | |
1672179850 | 1672273155 | t3_zws4vq | t5_2to41 | 5,687 | BelindaTheGreat: TIFU by Showing the Amazon Driver My Tits
OK so fuck it-- I'm using my main account. This really did happen today.
Last day of my holiday vacation from work and husband and I had taken our dogs hiking. Husband ran to the convenience store after dropping me and dogs home. I went to start a load of laundry to make sure it was all done before going back to work. Around the corner from our washer and dryer is a side entrance to our house, which my husband and I use but normally deliveries come to the front door. This side door has a big window on the top half and it has blinds but they were up this afternoon.
I was wearing my favorite winter long sleeve yoga shirt and sports bra combo for the hike that I knew I'd want to wear again like, probably tomorrow after work, so I took it off and tossed it in with the laundry load because I was going straight to the bedroom to put on jammies after starting the load. I heard a car drive up that sounded just like ours and footsteps. Dogs were more tired than usual from hiking today I guess because they weren't barking as if a stranger were approaching.
I had something totally mundane to tell my husband that I didn't want to forget so immediately popped around the corner toward the door to tell him and was about to open that door for him . . . when I locked eyes for a terrifying second with the Amazon guy carrying a box to the door. I popped back around the corner out of sight lightning fast and stood there frozen in horror for a long terrible minute. At that point I thought it would have been better to wrap one of the towels that were folded on top of the dryer around my top half and yell something funny at him to try to dispel a little of the awkwardness. But by the time the shock wore off he was down the road. It was our regular delivery guy and I'll be hiding from him for the rest of my life.
If you're reading this Amazon guy, I'm either sorry or you're welcome. Happy new year!
tl;dr: accidentally went running topless to greet an Amazon delivery driver and now must live with the shame.
Ground2ChairMissile: Delivery drivers see people at their worst, laziest, and slobbiest all the time. I guarantee this one's seen less appealing things on a regular basis.
BelindaTheGreat: I delivered pizza for several years in college in the 90s myself so I've seen some stuff too as a matter of fact. I found it was always the guys naked or half naked though back then they were surprised to see a female pizza deliverer. It seemed like women were more cautious even in their own homes. As I've gotten older I've come to care about it less to the point where as you all can see, I'd gotten pretty casual about walking around naked. It's a good thing really that I'm comfortable in my own body. When I was young and embarrassed it was more about thinking I was ugly than worrying about being immodest.
single_malt_jedi: Did any of your deliveries get you stoned? We used to get our pizza delivery guys fuckin ripped.
BelindaTheGreat: Haha, no. I was in too much of a hurry anyway and pretty straight laced in that era.
single_malt_jedi: Gotcha. Delivery guys used to fight who would deliver to us lol. Those were the days.
RedChief: I heard you need a pizza delivery?
single_malt_jedi: Unfortunately I no longer partake of the herb...sorry lol
Bigger_Moist: Dang I bet the pizzas have much less flavor.
single_malt_jedi: You are not off the mark. I can't eat the pies from the big chains anymore; they tatse like shit. Not sure if thats loss of pot enhancing flavor or if thats because they just went down hill.
Pizza Hut tastes disgusting and makes me sick every time. Dominoes tastes like shit. Papa Johns is not quite as the others. I will eat it if someone offers but won't order it myself (been at least 8 years since ive had P.J.s so they might have changed too). Monicals is ok but there isn't much to them.
Now I order from smaller chains. Couple great places in the next town over. Great place in Indy called Big Kahunas I order from when I go visit my sister.
I-AimToMisbehave: Do they do burgers too? My man Jules Winnfield has always raved about the Big Kahuna burger, he also says they have tasty beverages too.
Always wanted to try some.
| 11 | 517 | |
1670275714 | 1670291583 | t3_zdkdac | t5_2to41 | 1,274 | [deleted]: TIFU: By breaking down in an interview
[deleted]
spherical_chicken42: Don't worry about the interview, there will be others. In the grand scheme if things its inconsequential.
The important thing is that your girlfriend is receiving the medical care she needs, and you are there to support her.
That said, numbness in a limb and altered vision are nothing to take lightly. Understandably it could have been a migraine, but with a rapid onset and those symptoms, I'd recommend immediately visiting the ER, in case the patient is experiencing a stroke or brain bleed. Time is critical with both.
Exciting_Telephone65: A migraine is painful and won't really cause your body to go numb. Numbness and loss of function that quickly and _especially_ in one side of the body has stroke written all over it.
@OP wish your GF the best.
astridius: No stroke thankfully all is good
see-bees: And your interviewers are human too. It is completely reasonable to ask them if you can have another opportunity to interview with them before the current window closes. I’ve had to reschedule an interview the other person missed because their grandfather died. Life happens.
Handbag_Lady: I was JUST going to say this exact thing. Contact them, let them know GF is okay (as an interviewer, yes, I would wonder and worry), and ask if they have any openings for a re-interview or other positions you might be suitable for an interview. They already know you as far as you got in the interview.
PatReady: Op, this is the post you need to read. Great advice.
| 7 | 182 | |
1672180698 | 1672183193 | t3_zwshw8 | t5_2to41 | 14 | WinterWoede: TIFU by thinking I could weather a bad trip by myself
The action occurred last Thursday and the regrettable consequence happened the next morning.
Last week I was feeling very emotional and lonely, obsessing about this family issue that I could not resolve. The pain was on top of mind and I needed to find a way to deal with it. First, on Wednesday, I decided to deal with my agony in a responsible way by visiting friends so I would have some company. One of them was smoking a joint. That inspired me to deal with my emotions in a far less responsible way the next day.
For some reason smoking substances doesn't work for me, so if I want to use marijuana I resort to edibles instead. That joint reminded me of previous experiences with spacecake, including a few bad trips. I recalled how I was so out of it that I could barely phrase a single thought, let alone dwell on complicated issues. That experience seemed to be just what I was looking for.
I considered the inherent risks of my plan. I had no interest in being with anyone while being stoned. I wasn't doing this for fun. I wanted to leave no leftovers behind so I wouldn't be tempted to repeat the experience. I knew that if I consumed the whole pack, that could prove to be a dangerous amount, but I figured that this would add to the desired deterrent effect so it would actually be a good thing. Also, I recalled how I handled previous bad trips by withdrawing from present company and curling up in bed alone. I figured that if I did that I would be just fine. Why would I need anyone else to be there? So I went for it.
I bought a pack of edibles and consumed them all in one evening. And I did in fact get properly stoned. The drugs once again blocked all coherent thought, and fortunately I wasn't thinking of the family issue as my mind got trapped in attempting to phrase a single line of thought over and over. Also, I was feeling so miserable that I definitely didn't feel tempted to do this again. So far so good. There were just two things I missed.
1 I have to use the bathroom frequently, also at night, due to medical reasons.
2 I didn't know that overconsumption of marijuana can cause loss of consciousness.
As I was sitting on the toilet and almost done urinating I realised that I was about to faint. I've had this feeling before, so I did what I always do and what is usually effective: I lowered my head to put it between my legs. But it was too little too late. Next thing I know I'm lying on the floor, facedown. Because I lost consciousness as I was falling down, I didn't register the fall. I wonder how much it would have hurt if I had. I know at what time I got out of bed to go to the bathroom, but I didn't check the clock when I went back to bed so I don't know how long I was lying there.
As I came to, I wasn't too uncomfortable, until I realised that I had in fact badly hurt myself. When I look in the mirror I see only a few scratches above my upper lip, on my right nostril and on my left pinky, and a blue spot on my right eye lid, but I have contusions on my left thumb and index finger (my left hand is dominant) and large parts of the right side of my face. The skin on and next to my nose still feels swollen and numb exactly like how it feels to have had local anaesthesia, except that that is supposed to wear off after a few hours and this is still going strong days after the event. Added to that I feel generally ill and very tired. I can't wait for this to be over.
Lesson learnt: don't purposely overdose on your own. You really don't know what you're in for.
TL;DR I purposely overdosed on edibles while being at home alone, which resulted in a loss of consciousness while sitting on the toilet, causing me to fall flat on my face and getting contusions that are still really bugging me a few days later. In addition to, of course, making me feel very very stupid.
Abdlomax: People can and do die from a head injury from a fall. Urgent you get medical examination. Don’t wait.
WinterWoede: My injuries feel too minor to be that serious, but I suppose you're right. I'd better call the doctor after all.
Abdlomax: You are not a good judge of “minor.” The general malaise could be a sign of concussion. A stroke could be triggered. I hope you are okay, and that you get counseling for those “issues” you wanted to forget about. The brain does not have an erase button, you can only hide things for a while, and they come back, perhaps in disguise. You can add choice to your responses, but you must be conscious to do that.
WinterWoede: I have counselling for other issues, and I've discussed this matter there too. At this point it seems like the only way to resolve the issue is to talk it over with the person who is inadvertently hurting me (who I am also inadvertently hurting). But to discuss this over Christmas and New Year's is really not the right time. We've agreed to postpone talking until the new year. Coming to this agreement helps, and it brings me relief that there won't be additional pain for a while.
| 5 | 2.8 | |
1672182365 | 1672182891 | t3_zwt7hb | t5_2to41 | 8 | radest_boi: TIFU by putting the wrong address in Amazon
So I don’t really order things online, however my dad wanted a shirt from Amazon for Christmas and I decided to get it for him. When making my Amazon account I never really wanted to use it and don’t want daddy Bezos knowing my personal information, so I decided to change some things about myself mainly having my address be a vacant one down the road from me. I knew after I ordered it that it was the wrong address but I couldn’t change it and didn’t think it was a big deal.
Now come today I thought what ever happened to the package cause it was supposed to come today. Turns out Amazon had it sent by USPS who knew nobody lived there and kept it saying I need to pick it up at the post office.
Another thing I changed on Amazon was my name, to “Bite Me” something which I now regret not changing when ordering the package. I called them and they told me I need a photo Identification and while I do have one, it says Bite Me approximately 0 times on it. I actually don’t know what to do.
TL;DR: I order a package on Amazon to the wrong address with the name “Bite Me” and am now dealing with the consequences of my actions
breaktime1: It'll get shipped back to Amazon and you can request a refund.
radest_boi: Maybe, I’m going to check tomorrow to see if I can pick it up. But I don’t know how that’ll turn out
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1672182943 | 1672266041 | t3_zwtfuw | t5_2to41 | 664 | [deleted]: TIFU by drinking too much in public, acting badly and allowing semi-clad photos to be taken which are now on internet.
[removed]
Responsible-Yellow80: https://preview.redd.it/1e1qywudal8a1.jpeg?width=1200&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bd2148341a1526de2f7854307da6091978ca68d8
chia_roscuro: Y’all are gross af. She’s obviously not happy about this and you joke about wanting to violate her privacy even further?
Responsible-Yellow80: And yet she told the whole internet.
Ghostglitch07: The story and the photos are two seperate things.
Responsible-Yellow80: So are a joke meme and the intent to see the pics.
Ghostglitch07: Ironically saying the creepy thing doesn't make it not creepy. It's also a way a lot of people like to lampshade their creepiness as "just a joke bro"
Responsible-Yellow80: Some people also like to lampshade their jokes as "just a joke bro".
| 8 | 83 | |
1672183803 | 1672351843 | t3_zwtsa6 | t5_2to41 | 80 | [deleted]: TIFU by breaking the $450 Christmas gift I got
[deleted]
Ok_Amoeba6045: we, men are a lot more comprensive than you think, just say it was an accident, he will completely understand.
aminervia: Is comprehensive the word you intended to use here?
Edit: wait, you actually used comprensive which isn't actually a word. What were you going for?
Ok_Amoeba6045: srry but english isnt my first language, guess I just thought about it in spanish and poorly translated it,the word we use in spanish is "Comprensivo" if you want to search it and help me get better speaking this language
aminervia: Interesting!! Apparently comprensivo does mean comprehensive but also understanding and sympathetic.
In English comprehensive just means "complete" or "including everything"
The word you're looking for is understanding or sympathetic
Ok_Amoeba6045: thanks for the help, im taking notes.
| 6 | 13.333333 | |
1672185929 | 1672189481 | t3_zwumgi | t5_2to41 | 2 | [deleted]: TIFU when I told my girlfriend to fuck herself
[deleted]
superdovaa: Honesty man, just move on and focus on building yourself up. If someone really wants to be with you, you won’t have to constantly work for it like this.
mester006: I don't know man, she always tell me that she loves me and I am stupid for not believe it
superdovaa: I know it sucks to hear and to go through heartbreak but you should never feel like you’re constantly chasing for communication. It should feel easy. Best of luck to you friend
| 4 | 0.5 | |
1672187303 | 1672189706 | t3_zwv5jn | t5_2to41 | 14 | amogus_balls420: TIFU BY SKIPPING SCHOOL
[removed]
Vortex_8_: Idiot child
Vortex_8_: This is just natural selection
patarchimichanga: Unfortunately the stupid don't really weed themselves out anymore. They just adapt and overcome their own stupidity.
| 4 | 3.5 | |
1670901267 | 1670910214 | t3_zkkoxc | t5_2to41 | 1,962 | [deleted]: TIFU by telling my partner of 4 years that I used to do porn
[deleted]
coochie4sale: Tbh it is crazy you waited 4 years + marriage to tell her this
iwantabjthrowaway: Frankly, nobody's past sexual history is anybody's business when you're starting a relationship unless somehow it becomes relevant, which it didn't here. Disclose if you have STDs and what have you, but the rest? No. Not her business, and fuck her for shaming OP over this.
ETA anybody who watches porn should treat the sex workers who perform the same as anybody else, or else you're creating a second class of people in your mind. You're ready and willing to jerk off to their work but not willing to treat them as equals. If you're not comfortable treating a former sex worker as a full person, all else being equal, then you're the problem, not him or her.
Drewstosay: idk, doing porn is different to having sex with someone. You have to consider if you're comfortable with others self gratifying using your partners sexual act still (because those videos don't just dissapear). I'd have an issue with dating someone who once did a few other jobs too, just morally and personally that's not something I'm willing to be comfortable with and that's okay. (to be fair porn is not one for me but I can definitely see why it would be). The same way I'd want to know if someone I was with could be called into military service because they're a reserve, porn is a profession that lingers and should be disclosed.
iwantabjthrowaway: I guarantee almost every person commenting or voting here watches porn. We're all happy to watch these people but not willing to let their choices be their choices. Military service isn't a fair comparison, because you could have your life upended. Finding out somebody was in porn only has an effect on your life if you're a jealous and condescending asshole.
Drewstosay: I was trying to come up with a comparison that is as lasting. Something that can currently have impact (anyone can still find those videos and watch that porn, people can still get off to your partners material). Perhaps donating eggs or sperm is a better example. There could be people out there that are related to your partner and you deserve to know that because you morally have the right to be with or not be with someone in that situation. The same as you have the right to view sex in whatever way you do and to be with or not be with someone who views or has treated it differently. Whether you've watched porn or not is irrelevant to your comfort levels being with someone who has created it. So long as you don't shame them for doing it then considering leaving and being upset that the person you married didn't disclose that is very valid and very justified.
iwantabjthrowaway: If you watch it, you should be okay with people who create it, or else you're relegating these people to second class citizenship in your mind: a class of people whom you're ready and even eager to use their services but completely unwilling to treat them as equals.
Anybody who treats sex workers like that is an asshole and completely in the wrong.
Drewstosay: that's not necessarily true. Recognizing that my relationship with sex is different to someone else's is a crucial part of determining if someone is compatible in a relationship with me. If I really like instant coffee, and have watched people make espresso, I don't now have to drink coffee made by a barista if I have the opportunity when my relationship with coffee is enjoying my instant coffee and liking watching espresso be made.
No judgement, no looking down, no criticism. Simply I can not handle the possibility that someone else is getting off to my partner having sex because of how I view and treat sex that I am having.
(edit to add, "I" is not necessarily me. just the person in the situation OP is in)
iwantabjthrowaway: Everybody has some kind of excuse when it comes to why they ought to be justified in treating some kind of vulnerable group as a second class citizen. If you have different outlooks on sex, don't you think that will come up when you're, you know, having sex? Or talking about sex? That's something you can discover without jumping to conclusions about her having been a sex worker.
Drewstosay: her? talk about assumptions huh. the only sex worker we've talked about is a man....
Yeah, the point is that it should've come up before 4 years in and a marriage. The point is that someone's previous sex being on film and persisting is something that is relevant to a relationship and needs to be disclosed. It's not judgemental, it's not treating anyone as a second class citizen, it's respect, trust, honesty, and communication in a relationship.
you really went off the cliff at the end there and I genuinely have no idea what you're talking about when you decided that someone is assuming a woman you magicked up from nothing is a sex worker in response to a conversation about a man who was in porn telling his wife that.
iwantabjthrowaway: Sorry, there was another thread linked that talked about a woman, and my mind was on that one because of how shitty the replies were over there.
I still disagree that it's anyone's business but his own as to whether he discloses his porn work. He doesn't owe that to anyone, especially given the sensitive nature of it and the fact that people are liable to judge, as his wife did. He should be treated like an equal, period. She isn't better than him, and frankly by her behavior I think she's worse.
| 11 | 178.363636 | |
1670283483 | 1670284879 | t3_zdo8ej | t5_2to41 | 13 | Tertiam: TIFU by eating an Altoid that expired 9 years ago.
I have never posted in this sub before, but I thought this might make a few people laugh at my stupidity, so here you go. This happened just now. I was sitting at my desk when I noticed a tin of Peppermint Altoids. I couldn't remember when I bought it, so I checked the date. It had a "Best By" date from 2013. I figured sugar wouldn't expire and the mints looked and smelled fine, so I popped one in my mouth. "Best By" isn't "Use By," after all. At first, it had no taste. I figured that was just because of their age; maybe they got milder over time. Anxious to get some minty flavor, I bit into it. The middle tasted strongly of peppermint, but there was a strange bitter taste there too. I immediately knew something was wrong and spit it out, but the aftertaste is still there and there is only about half of the mint left, so I definitely swallowed some. Even now, it doesn't look like there is anything wrong with it, but that bitter taste can't be good. Am I going to die because I stupidly decided to try a 10-year-old mint?
TL;DR: I ate a 10-year-old mint that was definitely not good anymore; am I going to die?
jennimackenzie: Did your tongue start swelling yet?
Tertiam: No, it seems normal. My stomach feels a bit off, but I think it is just anxiety.
jennimackenzie: You should be fine. Too bad it wasn’t the sour kind. Those things are worth cash now apparently.
| 4 | 3.25 | |
1672188226 | 1672230168 | t3_zwvi2o | t5_2to41 | 167 | kitfoxx: TIFU by missing out on the girl that could’ve been the one
So this wasn’t today, but actually has gone on for many many years. And sorry, this ended up being a super long one.
To start, I’ll say that I was in a relationship from age 14-24. That girl was my first everything. I didn’t know anything else. We spent every moment together through high school, college, and after. I missed parties, gatherings, and all opportunities to really make friends. I was engrossed in that relationship. So when I got out of that, I realized how trapped and unhappy I was and I developed some commitment and relationship issues. I also decided to go a little wild with dating apps and met many women. And I had a lot of fun exploring new things.
Around 2013 or 2014, I matched with this one girl. I’ll call her Taylor. I never intended much more than fun out of it, but we seemed to click really well. Liked a lot of the same things. I became really excited to meet her… until she ghosted me.
But after not too long, we reconnected and started talking again. I had learned she had just gotten a little too nervous about the situation before. We eventually met up and things were great. Problem was, I was moving. She lived in my hometown in Missouri. I was moving to Los Angeles. But we remained friends. Albeit, ones with more interest than just friendship. Sometimes we’d have sex talks. Sometimes we’d talk about missing each other. But life still went on.
Occasionally she would ghost me again. That would happen when she got into another relationship. When she had a boyfriend, I would rarely, if ever, hear from her. This would make me sad as I still really valued our friendship. Especially to talk about the latest horror movies! But I got used to the disappearing act. I’d just always hope she’d come back. In all that, I still felt so close to her. And I would feel ecstatic the moment she returned.
I’ll add that throughout this, when we were talking, we’d get together when I’d come home to visit (which I do twice a year). I still remember how fun it was seeing Midsommar with her. And sometimes we’d even have sex. So clearly it was more than just friends. We had a few times talked about what it would be like to actually date but she was very family oriented in Missouri and I didn’t want to pull her away from that while I was trying to get my career going in LA. I didn’t know how I could handle the long distance and still hadn’t worked through my relationship issues.
Meanwhile, I’m still playing the field. Having fun with other women but never fully committing because I was afraid. Eventually I did meet someone who was married and poly. Perfect situation for me. All the joys of the relationship but not feeling like I was trapped or had to devote all attention or anything. It was nice. She was amazing and we are still friends to this day.
Eventually, Taylor decided to fly out to see me. She got an Airbnb and we spent the whole week together. It was so fun! We did so many things around LA including the I Like Scary Movies event! I even introduced her to all my friends. And I did tell her about the woman I was seeing. She was disappointed. Me being my oblivious self, I had thought Taylor just came to hang and spend time together. I only found out much later after the fact when she told me, that she really wanted to see if we could make things work. She flew there for me. I had no idea. I felt so dumb. I clearly botched that. Definitely some miscommunication, but I should’ve picked up on things better. And for some reason, I didn’t take that as the sign to try. I just still wasn't ready.
We went back to our normal, but she was still the person I loved talking to the most. I’d still get so upset when she’d disappear on me, but I can’t expect her to wait for me or anything. She has a life to live.
In 2020, I met another girl. I’ll call her Rebecca. It was so hard dating during the pandemic. We barely got to see each other. We’d have calls and video chats. But it was nearly a long distance relationship for a good chunk of it. It took a long time of dating before I was finally able to commit and call her my girlfriend. A big step for me as I had not called anyone that since my 10-year ex. And it took me like 5-6 months of dating to finally make it official. I’ve got problems haha. But I felt optimistic about being in a relationship finally.
That relationship lasted about a year. Took me a while to get over because she was the first person I trusted enough to commit to and have a full relationship with. She just wasn’t the one. While there were many ups and downs with her, it made me realize some things. 1) I was ready for a committed relationship even though that one didn’t work out, and 2) I should start therapy.
Therapy has been wonderful. Learned a lot about myself. Helped me get through the break up and figure out what went wrong. And eventually, had me examine what I really want in someone that I’d want to spend my life with. Because I finally felt ready. I kind of made a check list of all the things that would be perfect in someone. Just so many different things and I could see how so many of the women I had been with didn’t fit. Except one.
I came to this realization around the end of 2021 and beginning of 2022. Taylor fit everything. It took me 8 or so years to see it, but I could be so happy with this girl. I couldn’t believe it had taken me this long. It felt so obvious. Problem was, she had a boyfriend. But I’ve been through this many times with her. I wasn’t fully wishing it to not work out because I don’t want her to go through bad times. But selfishly, I wanted to finally see if this could work between us.
Then the devastation hit. I opened Instagram to her engagement post. My heart dropped. I couldn’t believe after all that time, I just missed it. I will never forget that feeling. It’s one I still feel at least partially today. Knowing that I could’ve been with the perfect girl, and losing it. And also knowing that I was given opportunity after opportunity but let my fears and worries take over. I feel so dumb for not realizing sooner. For not giving her a real chance. It’s like she’s the one that got away, but because of my own stupidity. She tried to be with me, but I wasn’t ready. When I was finally ready, she was gone.
Me being a movie person, it’s hard to get out of my head that this feels like the end of Act II. That I’m in my “All is Lost” moment and this will just be an obstacle for our happily ever after. The reconnection and being together is yet to come. But that's a dream. Then I think from her perspective. She might’ve finished her movie. She made it to the end of Act III and is ready for her happily ever after. It’s hard to accept, but that’s just how things are.
She rarely talks to me now. We were supposed to meet up for lunch in the summer when I was visiting. She bailed because she hadn’t told her fiancé about our past. Once she did, he seemed uncomfortable. We’ve had brief texts from time to time. Most holiday or horror stuff but it’s just a simple exchange. I reached out to her while visiting home for Christmas. She actually replied and said we could get lunch because we have something we need to talk about. That lunch is tomorrow and I’m nervous as hell. I fully expect a complete cut off. It’ll hurt, but I’m mentally preparing for it. I just hope I actually get to see her and she doesn’t back out. It would be very her to cancel. But it’d be nice to have a conversation, no matter how hard.
Part of me wants to tell her my feelings. But I don’t want to be an asshole. I had my chance. Scratch that. I had my chances. I don’t want to at all try to ruin things if she’s happy. Because her happiness is important to me. And I’d rather have her in my life as a friend than not at all. But it’s not fully up to me. It also just sucks knowing I’ve got to hold this in.
Which is what leads me to this post. I have plenty of friends but none that I really discuss this kind of stuff with. I have therapy but I feel it’s not a good enough outlet right now. Plus I’m on a break from it while home in Missouri. That’s why I’m doing this super long post here. For all the randoms to read. I never post things, but this really felt like the best way to get it out. I’m sure I’ll sound like such an idiot to many. I know how oblivious I was and the poor decisions I made. I hope I don’t come off as an asshole or like I unknowingly treated her poorly. Sometimes it’s hard to see from your own perspective. I just wish I was ready sooner. Even by a few months. My life could be totally different with a bright future ahead. Instead now I am just feeling so down and alone. Stuck on thoughts of her. Afraid to see her face because it’ll bring all the emotions back up. It’s so hard not playing the “what if” game in my head.
But there it is. My shitty saga of regret. Sorry I went on so long but it felt cathartic to tell the full story. I hope it was at least enjoyable to read or something.
TL;DR Spent years of friendship and almost dating the perfect girl for me without realizing it until it was too late and she got engaged to someone else.
UPDATE: Sorry the update took me a bit. We've been talking the past few days and I just got out of therapy so I'm ready to finally post this.
First off, she canceled. As expected. We did not meet up. But we did text about why. She felt uncomfortable because she didn’t want to put her fiancé in that situation. She knows she would feel iffy if he was meeting up with someone he used to be with. I understand that. She’s right. But damn did I want to have that conversation in person at least.
She said that this uncomfortableness was why we have barely talked recently. She wants us to be able to still talk about movies and our lives but just needs clear boundaries. Which probably means I’ll never see her in person. Just more of a friend to text on occasion to catch up. Definitely not ideal but I guess it’s something.
I had trouble holding back how upset I was. Not in an angry way or anything. Just hurt but I understood. And it was hard not to hint that this all meant more to me. But I guess it’s good I didn’t say more. But thinking about it now, I’m surprised she didn’t pick up on anything. Why would I be this upset over the friendship changing? Like we'll actually be talking more than we have in the past few months. Maybe she did pick up on it and doesn't want to say anything. I wouldn't blame her. But she didn't give any indication.
I’ll add that the conversation was super hard because I felt like I was lying to her. She’s explain that friendships change, especially as people focus on families and marriages. I know. That’s not why I’m upset. But to her it is. And I’ve got to talk about it like it is. In the end, I wish I would’ve managed to hold back more and not let on that I’m upset about anything. Just to let things seem normal. But it was very difficult in the moment. Maybe I’ll get it back there.
For now, I have decided to let it be and not tell her. As bad as I want to get it out, I don't feel it would be fair to her. This is all just something for me to live with. I'm not sure how I'll handle being her friend while wanting so much more. I guess we’ll see how things progress. And maybe one day I will finally tell her. But not now.
This doesn’t seem like a terribly eventful follow up but there it it. Thank you all for reading my story. I’ve enjoyed reading the comments and hearing all the advice.
AjahnAnarchy: You need to move on and forget about this.
It meant a lot to you then, it’s all in your head now and you’re making yourself miserable dwelling on it.
TucuReborn: This.
I was with my last longterm partner for six years, from the start of college until I was 24.
We hit it off, and our personalities were a perfect match.
But much like this story, we slowly drifted and talked less and less.
What started as a romance fit for the greatest novels just ended with us moving apart emotionally and in our life goals.
It sucks, but it happens. And unfortunately, dwelling on such things only brings you down. It cuts off your chances to go back out and be your full self.
You have to move on. Maybe not immediately, but sooner rather than later. It's what's best for your own health and social life.
I told myself to wait one month for each year at most. Six months tops. I was moving on in two, and back out in life in three. I took my time to process and evaluate, but came out knowing how to improve and ready to hit life head on like a bullshark.
I am not a bullshark, I'm more a fidgety raccoon, but you get the idea.
Zeta_Mythoclast63: How exactly do you not dwell on thoughts you can't control?
TucuReborn: The thing is, you can.
You can't choose what pops into your head, true, but you decide if you want to keep thinking about it and let it drag you down. You can choose to think about anything else you want, be it a game, a movie, having a drink with friends next week, or drawing something. Moving forward takes work, it's not instant, and you have to choose to do it.
Zeta_Mythoclast63: I see. The thinking about it can't be helped but the act of dwelling on the thought can be avoided. Gotta be honest, Im going through some shit right now and Im doing a lot of self improvement but the thought of my ex keeps popping by every moment im idle. It's an extremely shitty pestering feeling that I cant get rid of. I was able to improve my physical healthy by immersing myself in the gym but my mental health is at a shitty state.
TucuReborn: It's definitely a process for sure. Whenever you think of your ex, try to find something nearby to distract yourself for a moment. Maybe a Youtube video or a game, or a movie you adore. Literally just anything to push it out of your mind. Activities are the easiest since they require constant attention, but eventually you just learn to push it out with something else.
| 7 | 23.857143 | |
1670285248 | 1670288741 | t3_zdp1dw | t5_2to41 | 6 | Neither-Milk9176: TIFU by telling a funny but inappropriate joke with bad timing
This happened about 10 days ago. To make things more clear we are both women and I'll call my Fiancee Amanda. Amanda proposed to me first and then I bought her an engagement ring so that we both have one.
I'll try to keep things PG. During one of our fun nights Amanda was laying on her back and sucking on my ring finger playfully. She removed my ring and was holding it in her front teeth. With stupid timing I made a really funny but inappropriate joke, which made Amanda laugh uncontrollably and resulted in my ring ending up inside of her. I realize that I now must laugh at the stupidity of the situation otherwise I'd cry which a previous Reddit post helped me understand.
TL;DR I told an inappropriate joke while my Fiancée had my engagement ring in her mouth which then went down her throat while laughing.
PM-me-fancy-beer: 10 days? I'd assume (hope) it's out of her now, did you find it?
Neither-Milk9176: Never did
Hanana13: maybe, if you can, see a doctor, might be able to get some imaging to determine whether its still in her? depending on the shape of the ring that could also be dangerous. Best of luck!
| 4 | 1.5 | |
1672189700 | 1672249404 | t3_zww1ru | t5_2to41 | 1,345 | Missing411_hopenot: TIFU by teaching survival skills to a church group
[removed]
aqlu: If she's out there surviving, then you taught her well. She'll come back in if her skills aren't cutting it against the elements. You're not responsible for shitty household situations.
I___________: Correction, she’ll come back if her skills WERE cutting it. If she was not a good student, then she ain’t ever gonna be seen again if her skills weren’t up to par.
I’m sure she’ll come to her senses eventually though once she realizes its squatch migrAting season.
Butt_Stuph: > skills WERE cutting it
Pun intended?
hand-collector: Holy shit dude
| 5 | 269 | |
1670286569 | 1670287978 | t3_zdpl33 | t5_2to41 | 19 | [deleted]: TIFU by leaving a small present for my father in the lavatory
[deleted]
joefcos: You're 20. Why the devil are you being sneaky? You're an adult. Presumably so is your lassie. Shag with pride.
But do take care of your garbage. That's just rude
Reddit-username_here: Yeah, I'll never understand parents who lose it over their adult children doing adult things. If they're that uptight with their adult child, I can't imagine what it was like being underage in that house.
| 3 | 6.333333 | |
1670287717 | 1670292243 | t3_zdq1af | t5_2to41 | 9 | No-Seat3438: TIFU by swearing/cursing to myself in my car
I’m thinking I fucked up bad and I’m panicking. I was out near my car and I got in when it was raining, and I saw a car next to my driver’s side. I got in and was swearing about stuff to myself, as I usually talk to myself. I was mad at a friend of mine for something he did and I was cursing, slurring, the whole 9 yards. I look over and see the other car actually had a driver, and he decided just then to back out of his spot and then drive away. I’m hoping that they didn’t overhear me, or I didn’t do something to make him leave, but I’m thinking in the back of my mind that I fucked up really bad. Hopefully the rain outside and the car door muffled my noise, I didn’t have the radio on but I wasn’t screaming or anything.
Tl;dr Swore and cussed to myself in my car next to someone without knowing, may have made them leave in disgust
firey21: Oh my lord. If I was concerned I fucked up every time someone heard me curse, then I’ve fucked up every day since I was 12 lol.
No-Seat3438: It’s not just the cursing. I dropped a slur too… as much as I hate to admit it. That’s what really had me freaking out.
I’m a fucking piece of shit
firey21: Was it a racial slur?
No-Seat3438: Yeah…
New_pollution1086: Which one?
No-Seat3438: Hard r.
Only dropped it once, but still. I feel like such a piece of shit
New_pollution1086: Oof, was it a person that would be extra sensitive to that word?
No-Seat3438: Thankfully no, he was the same color skin as me. But still, it’s not a word I should he saying at all, and not a word I want to have people hear me saying
| 9 | 1 | |
1670288493 | 1670297543 | t3_zdqcbz | t5_2to41 | 106 | [deleted]: TIFU by making my gf's gay brother think I'm homophobic
[deleted]
JediMimeTrix: Welp only one solution, prove your not homophobic by letting him blow you.
Ocean_Spice: “Yeah I’m apologizing by ‘letting’ you pleasure me,” absolutely not. OP is the one who should be groveling, OP sucks bro’s dick.
JediMimeTrix: Yeah but see if op gives a bj to the brother the girlfriend could get mad! Whereas if he gets a brojob is it really cheating?
Op needs to try both options, and find out which one makes his gf madder then say jk about that part. Either way family dinner gonna be interesting.
Ocean_Spice: Gf’s already mad anyway and my above comment still stands, bro should not be the one putting in work.
| 5 | 21.2 | |
1670288423 | 1670294935 | t3_zdqbab | t5_2to41 | 24 | The_Hoff901: TIFU and ate bugs
Last night I was making an oil marinade for slow cooking salmon that called for smoked paprika.
I had some smoked paprika but it was several years old, and hadn’t been used for a long time.
I mixed olive oil and smoked paprika and some lemon zest together and the paprika looked kind of chunky.
I went ahead and whisked it and then stuck my finger in it to taste it. As I was tasting it I realized it was crunchy and that wasn’t right.
I looked more closely and there was no smoked paprika in the container it was literally all bugs. I had eaten bugs. I watched them float to the top of the oil. I promptly threw up and gargled some whiskey.
Moral of the story: rotate your spices. Don’t keep things in your cabinet for years and taste them without making sure that they aren’t all bugs.
TL;DR used old ingredients from my cupboard and accidentally ate bugs.
freecain: My roommate decided to suddenly start cooking one weekend, after never cooking. He brought home a rice cooker, and made some rice and chili. I had been gone the night before so came home around dinner time and he offered up some stew and rice. Sweet! Stew wasn't bad, and he was thrilled I liked it and told me I could have seconds. I went into the kitchen and opened up the rice cooker. That's when I noticed the rice was moving.
I asked him what the fuck. He was confused. Turns out he made the rice the day before, but thought that the keep warm function would keep the rice safe. It didn't.
At least he had refrigerated the stew.
The_Hoff901: I had no idea rice could go that fast. I figured it would just dry out. Horrible though.
freecain: He added some water and closed the lid. I think it had been left open long enough for a fly to get in. Larvae can hatch in as little as 24 hours, and this, rather than being hot enough to keep it safe was more of an incubator.
The_Hoff901: I hate every part of that and appreciate the response.
| 5 | 4.8 | |
1672192928 | 1672223363 | t3_zwx78f | t5_2to41 | 19 | yearofthebows24: TIFU by forgetting liquids expand when frozen
I work the graveyard shift. There are some pros to it as traffic is much better, I am 100% more grumpy as a day worker, I get to see my SO more (weirdly enough), and my SO and I get to go to bed later (she stays up later than she should IMO, but I digress).
Anyway, I hate drinking coffee so I stock up on energy drinks. I loooove the mountain dew ones as theyre tasty, keep me awake, and dont have excessive sugars in it. I buy them in bulk so that I have plenty for my shifts.
Now, problem is, storage. Apartment space is limited, fridge space is limited as we dont always finish what we make food wise, and the mini fridge is on its last licks. So I just leave them on the balcony. I then pick up one for work everyday and it works out well.
Well, anyone who has been leaving their house over the past week in America, it got real cold, especially Christmas weekend. Now, I had the weekend off and enjoyed Christmas with the in laws. Totally put my drink stash out of mind, as why would I need to touch them? Im not staying up super late, Im off 23, 24, 25, no need to see them until the 26th, right?
Well now, here's the fuck up. I didn't account for the 5 degree F overnight temperature (-15C for you non Americans). Remember when I said I buy in bulk? Well, I also stack in bulk. We heard a loud bang on Christmas eve, but had no clue what it was at the time. Im about 100% sure it was at least one bottom stacked can exploding from lack of space and a build up in pressure.
I haven't gotten to fully assess the "damages" as we were cleaning and building new house furniture Monday, then I went to work, then I had a court subpoena, then I have to work (right now) and had to sleep in between. I have not looked at the bottom cans, but the top ones have some frozen, some expanded, and probably one exploded can in the crate. While this isnt a money issue, it makes me sad that my stupidity made my drinks go to waste.
All things considered, it is kind of funny to see frozen slushy orange mountain dew drink all over the cans.
TLDR: basic science 101: liquids expand when frozen. Cans have limited space. Will explode if kept in frozen space, especially if packed and stacked like sardines
Kurokotsu: I'm just glad I'm not the only one who still swears by the Mountain Dew Kickstarts. Harder to find them nowadays, but I love 'em.
yearofthebows24: Kickstart, amp, mountain dew energy, theyre all great
Kurokotsu: I never got as into the others. But I eternally crave the blueberry pomegranate Kickstart that they stopped producing.
| 4 | 4.75 | |
1672192853 | 1672236355 | t3_zwx67x | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU by forgetting about a box of chocolates and nearly killing my dog
[deleted]
AcrobaticSource3: What’s your dog’s name and breed?
PalpitationQueen: He’s a chihuahua
| 3 | 1 | |
1672192779 | 1672346113 | t3_zwx510 | t5_2to41 | 12 | syiolon: TIFU by sending a candid to who I was candid
I am living in another country to continue my studies, and there is a cute person who lived in the same house with me. Of course there are still 7 other people but they are not important at all in this story.
So for some reason I got crush into this person. And I do received some help from this person too. I thought it was a great chance to get closer?
Before Xmas I invited this person to drink with me and after drunk I took a REALLY cute picture without permission.
The content of the photo is that this person is sitting on the ground. And I shared this picture with some close friends of mine and just yelled "its really cute".(some stupid thing one would do when he fall in love lol)
It should be emphasized that there isnt this person's face or part of body inside this picture, its quite normal but its still without the permission so...
Yesterday this person sent me a snap in snapchat and I was sleepy so after I said this one is not cute, I also said I have a cuter one. And I send that candid picture to this person who I candid. I just forgot its a candid as I had sent it to several friends. After realized what I have done I got awake by frighten.
I wished I could just disappear.
Or the clock could be truned back an hour.
Of course nothing happened.
The other side sent some emoji, I am a foreinger and in my country we use emoji in a different way so its hard to understand emoji without explanation. But I thought it was not a signal of happy. So I started to apologize and I apologized too much I think this person had to forgive me as it was really TOO MUCH.
Now I am just pretending nothing happened.
idk I think I fucked up everything.
want to disappear again.
English is not my first language so there maybe many mistakes inside the body text, hope it doesnt affect the reading.
TL;DR I candid a picture of my crush and forgot it was a candid and sent to my crush accidentally.
AcrobaticSource3: > there isnt this person’s face of part of body inside this picture
So...what’s in the picture if not a face or body part? Their essence?
syiolon: just this person sit huddled on the ground with pajamas like a little hamster thats all
Singer-Such: Aw. I don't think you did anything wrong by taking a picture of them, in a public place, where they didn't expect privacy.
syiolon: it makes me look like a stalker
retroactive_fridge: Lol I think you might be over reacting a little.
syiolon: lol I start to think is this over reacting a new fuck up to our no formed relationship lol
| 7 | 1.714286 | |
1670294558 | 1670307564 | t3_zdsnrd | t5_2to41 | 5 | messed-upthrowaway: TIFU by eating something bad
So throwaway cause I want no one finding out about this.
I am currently hunched over the toilet so things aren't going great. CW: for talking about diarrhoea
So today I ate something different than I usually would (not quite sure what it was) but something. So I came home did my usual routine after school which includes taking a nap. But then around 9 I was taking a shower I felt this sharp pain in my stomach. One that's like an either you need to shit or you need to throw up. Now let me preface this by saying I have emetephobia and therefore I would go to the end of the world to avoid throwing up.
So I chalked it up to maybe im hungry cause my head was hurting since I was in skl and I didn't eat much for the day. so I go prepare dinner for me and my sister. and I feel it again. Now I'm like okay I dont want to throw up so I'll go to the washroom. I go, nothing happens and I say okay the pain has subsided.
I go back down and sit on the couch and feel it again. Now I'm like oh god, so I ask my sister where the gravel is and drink it to prevent me from throwing up. After I drink it, the pain reappears, but this time when I go things are moving.
I have diarrhoea. Now this would be okay on any normal day if I didn't have two tests tomorrow. One at 9:00 in the morning and the other at 11. It's currently 10:34pm and I haven't started studying as yet and need to be in bed by atleast 11. I've been in here for about an hour and I'm still going. I am very much screwed.
TLDR: Ate something bad during the day which caused diarrhoea and now i can't study for my tests which means I'm failing.
AcrobaticSource3: Why can’t you study on the toilet instead of posting it Reddit?
messed-upthrowaway: it's two maths exams😢 I can't work the problems on my lap and use my laptop at the same time
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1670292918 | 1670307158 | t3_zds0r1 | t5_2to41 | 23 | [deleted]: TIFU by going for a bike ride at lunch.
[deleted]
Van_GOOOOOUGH: How could any reputable company expect someone to be in a super important meeting with no notice whatsoever? Seems fishy to me.
NorCalAthlete: Depends on how high level OP already is and what the expectation is for that.
Edit: once you hit a mid to senior people manager type position it can be an expectation because one of your direct reports might have an emergency or fire to put out that you’re needed on. Data issues, network issues, release issues, 0 day bug fixes. Anything impacting yours or the client’s revenue. All sorts of stuff.
Given that their VPs are on the call for his promotion it’s unlikely OP is a low level peon and more likely mid tier or perhaps even director level.
cant-talk-about-this: I usually carry my work phone if I'll be AFK for more than half an hour, to give the impression I'm always available during work hours
| 4 | 5.75 | |
1670293708 | 1670296734 | t3_zdsblq | t5_2to41 | 66 | [deleted]: TIFU by sending my professor HD porn
[deleted]
AcrobaticSource3: > film with a genre of our choice
Porn is a genre. I suggest going to the dean and appealing the grade
pgm928: If it’s porn, it probably wasn’t very silent though
JediMimeTrix: Op returns: it was actually realism porn, where it was a 3 minute clip and the woman really wasn't into it.
| 4 | 16.5 | |
1670295946 | 1670302038 | t3_zdt8k7 | t5_2to41 | 24 | cannabisque_soup: TIFU: By sending a vibrator to my ex girlfriends Uncles
I used to live across the country in a two unit house with my ex girlfriend for about three years, we split a couple years ago. This house belonged to her Uncles and has since the 80s so of course they still live there. I have been with my new girlfriend for about 7 months now and I decided that since neither one of us has played with a vibrator in the bedroom it would be great to explore new territory together as the adventurous boyfriend that I am, sounds like a good idea right? I did my research and found what I believed to be pretty much the best you can get without spending multiple hundreds on a toy, I sat down and purchased it with full confidence that within weeks we would be enjoying it very much with eachother. Well I mentioned I have moved a bit... and for some reason when I moved no matter how many times I've told my bank that I need my billing information changed the only one that ever works is the old place I used to live with my ex. When I finally bought the item after one
failed card read it changed my shipping to my billing info. So It looks like I'll be having a interesting phone call with my ex and at least one of her Uncles. Merry Christmas!
TL;DR- I sent a vibrator to my ex girlfriends uncles because I'm dumb and not thorough.
schwarzeKatzen: Did this just happen? Contact the company and cancel the order. Redo it with the corrected information.
cannabisque_soup: I am trying to do just this. I hope they catch it
schwarzeKatzen: Good luck! I hope they’re able to catch it and stop it or redirect it for you!
| 4 | 6 | |
1670299055 | 1670380311 | t3_zduiwe | t5_2to41 | 28 | RunnerDad237: TIFU by almost setting my bed on fire with my vibrator
This happened to my SO yesterday, but she’s not on Reddit so here is her tale:
My SO is 6 months pregnant, and her libido has been more active with this baby. We had sexy time the night before, and we used her Hitachi wand without issue.
The next morning, I got up with our son so she could nab some extra sleep. Low and behold, she could not and was still quite turned-on from the night before, so she decided to have a solo round. Usually, with life being busy, we don’t get those opportunities often, so there’s truly nothing as welcomed like a few solo moments. All of this is unbeknownst to me, as I was summoned to watch a toddler’s favorite show for the *n*th time.
Suddenly, she comes running out of the room, half-startled-half-cackling. Apparently, the cord decided to give out at the onset of said personal time, sparking and singeing the sheets, but luckily no actual flame. She’s okay, no damage done outside of a mark I’m soaking out of the top sheet. We had a solid laugh over it and a now have a story for y’all.
Needless to say, the holiday delivery truck will be bringing us a new relationship aide in the mail posthaste, and to all a good night.
TL;DR Mommy tried to have solo sexy time and literal sparks flew.
MelibuBerbie: Gotta say I’ve always been a little wary of anything that plugs into the mains. I’ll stick to battery operated!
OldCarWorshipper: Yikes!
The thought of sticking a live electrical device inside your hoo-ha actually sounds rather terrifying. Especially if things get rather... messy.
| 3 | 9.333333 | |
1670300776 | 1670340200 | t3_zdv7v4 | t5_2to41 | 44 | pringlepop63: TIFU by drawing a teddy bear on my whiteboard at work.
A silly F*** up.
So at my job we all have giant whiteboards in our cubicles. We don't need them for work so most of us decorate them or write quotes on them. I usually draw something new every month so this month I drew a bunch of Xmas doodles including a Teddy Bear wearing a Santa hat. One of my employees saw it and asked me to draw one on her board. No biggie I usually spend my breaks doodling in my notebook anyway so I went and drew a teddy bear on her whiteboard. Then another employee requested one. All good, by this time I was off and in no hurry to get anywhere.
While I was working on hers another manager walked by and requested a teddy bear as well. So I went to her department and did a doodle on her white board and one of her employees requested one as well. Then the training manager requested one and lastly the assistant training manager.
I ended up staying at work for 2 hours after my shift drawing Xmas doodles on people's white boards today.
Tldr: I drew a teddy bear on my white board at work and ended up spending 2 hours after my shift drawing everybody else teddy bears.
GMask402: I see this as an absolute win.
AlcareruElennesse: Here visions of Teddy's and hope you have a great cake day.
| 3 | 14.666667 | |
1670333101 | 1670360608 | t3_zdy6px | t5_2to41 | 13 | ArtisenalMoistening: Did you read the whole post? That’s literally right at the end there before the TL:DR. Of course I reported him
amazingsandwiches: Why didn't you report him?
ArtisenalMoistening: I did. It’s right there at the end before the TL:DR
amazingsandwiches: Why didn't you make a TL:DR?
ArtisenalMoistening: Oh I see, lol
| 5 | 2.6 | |
1670317471 | 1670378837 | t3_ze16uu | t5_2to41 | 352 | baphommite: TIFU by encouraging my cat to smother me
Not necessarily a today fuck up, moreso just realized my fuck up today.
So when I go to bed, my cat often joins me. She'll usually lay with her back facing me, near my head. Because I love my little goofball, I often bury my face in her back and pet her.
Turns out, she seems to really like this experience. So for context, I sleep on my back with my head to the side. She has taken to walking up to my face, and laying down with her back covering my face. In my sleep. Which makes it very difficult to breathe. So now, I often find myself waking up in the night with a face full of cat.
Now I write this at 3am, realizing that I almost definitely encouraged this behavior. I want to be mad but I do always wake up to a soft cat to pet, so it's not too bad.
TL;DR: Pet my cat in a way she liked, now she smothers me at night.
Playful_Branch_5643: I have a love/hate with my cat sleeping with me. I often wake up to her sleeping partially on my stomach, and in the winter she burrows in and spoons me and if I try and roll over she chirps in annoyance at me. She’s worse than a toddler. She is 8 pounds and takes up over 1/2 of my side of the bed.
baphommite: It's crazy how such tiny little creatures can push you to the corner of your own bed lol
Playful_Branch_5643: It doesn’t make any sense at all!!!
| 4 | 88 | |
1670318706 | 1670338412 | t3_ze1llq | t5_2to41 | 34 | hi1277999: TIFU by accidentally sending a sext to my boss
So, I was at work today and things were going pretty smoothly. I was catching up on some emails and trying to finish a project before the end of the day. But then, I made a huge mistake. I was trying to send a sext to my partner, but I accidentally sent it to my boss instead.
I didn't realize what I had done until I saw the look of shock and horror on my boss's face. I tried to explain that it was a mistake, but it was too late. I could tell that my boss was disgusted and offended, and I could see the anger in their eyes. I apologized profusely and begged for forgiveness, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to recover from this.
I don't know what I was thinking, sending something like that to my boss. It was a complete and total fuck-up, and I'm not sure how I'm going to face my boss or my colleagues after this. I'm mortified and embarrassed, and I just want to crawl into a hole and never come out. Lesson learned: always double check the recipient of your messages, folks!"
TL;DR: I accidentally sent a sext to my boss and now I'm in big trouble. Always double check the recipient of your messages!
Punk_Says_Fuck_You: This post is so vague. At least make up specifics next time you make one of these up.
dmomo: I agree. How are we supposed to fap to this if OP can't even tell us the gender of each person?
| 3 | 11.333333 | |
1670324898 | 1670333239 | t3_ze3nn5 | t5_2to41 | 5 | dogdiaper2: TIFU by going camping with the wrong people
So, I was out hiking with some friends in the mountains last week, and we came across this cute little creature that looked like a cross between a squirrel and a raccoon. It was so adorable that I couldn't resist the urge to pet it. But, as you can probably guess, things didn't go as planned.
As soon as I touched the animal, it turned on me and bit me on the hand. I was in pain and I knew that I needed to get medical attention right away. But, my friends didn't believe me. They said that it was just a little bite, and that there was no need to cancel our camping trip.
But, as you can probably guess, things didn't stay that way for long. As the days went by, I started to feel really sick. I had a high fever, intense headaches, and hallucinations. I begged my friends to take me to the hospital, but they still didn't believe me. They thought I was just being dramatic. Finally, after three days of suffering, I collapsed and had to be rushed to the hospital. The doctors told me that I had contracted rabies and that without treatment, I would die. I was in shock.
But, as you can probably guess, things didn't stay that way for long. After I received the necessary treatment, I started to recover. The doctors said that I was lucky to have caught the disease early, and that I would make a full recovery. I was so grateful to be alive, and I learned my lesson the hard way - never trust your friends to take your health seriously!
TLDR: TIFU by almost dying from rabies on a hiking trip because my friends didn't believe me when I said I needed medical attention. But, thanks to my own persistence and the help of the doctors, I made a full recovery and learned my lesson the hard way - never trust your friends to take your health seriously!
OkVolume1: You need to settle down.
You sound squirrely.
shaferz: *But, as you can probably guess, things didn't stay that way for long.*
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1670324606 | 1670348079 | t3_ze3jyx | t5_2to41 | 4,022 | NoDickInTheDark: TIFU trying to scare my gf
Throwaway (wanna keep my original account as PG as possible).
Last night the power went out while my gf (25) and I (28m) were having sex. We didn't stop fornicating though. This was not our first time fucking in the dark. Power outages are common in my country. Too common. It was complete darkness in the bedroom. Literally pitch-black. I couldn't see my own hand in front of my face, let alone my whole gf. We were boning blind, but it was fun and kind of kinky. And then, for no reason at all, I decided to make it scary. I suddenly stopped mid doggy and said "did you hear that?"
My gf apologized and said it might have been her stomach. Not the response I expected. I said I heard something else. I paused to build enough suspense before saying it sounded like *an insect with wings.* My gf is scared of bugs. She whispered back (as if the creature might be listening) and asked if I closed all the windows. I was still inside her at the moment, so I pulled out to investigate. My gf asked what I was doing, but I didn't respond. I was stealthily getting into position for my jump scare.
I could hear my gf fumbling for her phone on the nightstand. Perfect. She was falling for my trap. I was standing crookedly at the foot of the bed when she switched on her torch. Freeze frame. I need to explain one of my abilities for you to understand what my gf was seeing. Since I was a child I was able to drag my bottom lip towards my chin and make my lip "stick" somehow. It looked gross and I've never done it as an adult. Not until my gf pointed her torch in my face. I growled as menacingly as I could with the inside of my bottom lip now being on the outside. I was convinced it would freak her out.
Instead of screaming hysterically, my gf laughed like an anime character and informed me that she was recording my "jump scare" on her phone. She caught it all on camera, including my priceless reaction when I realized she now has footage of me that no should ever see. Aside from my disgusting lip thing, I was also naked and erect. My gf has made multiple gifs of that moment and jokingly implied that she might feel tempted to share it with the public if I end up "misbehaving." I know she's not serious, but you never know lol. Shit happens. I have no one to blame but myself though.
**Tl:dr I tried to scare my gf in the dark, but I was too predictable and she caught my failed attempt on camera. Now she has really embarrassing footage of me being unsuccessfully scary while naked, erect and doing something weird with my bottom lip. Fingers crossed I never give her a reason to share it with the world.**
Wopenras: How the turntables
fohsupreme: My my my.
ChocolateUnlucky1214: Turntables, how the.
Weekend_Banana: My my my.
ReptileCake: The turntables, how?
creamyismemey: Turn the how tables?
ak47diamonds: Tables how they turn
Savings_Prune_8529: YouTube. Com/turntable how my my to my the
PsychedelicMustard: How they table turns?
| 10 | 402.2 | |
1672206846 | 1672209840 | t3_zx1uq9 | t5_2to41 | 480 | littlegirl14: TIFU by telling my mom that I was kicked out
[removed]
chaos021: Did your mom really not know who she married?
littlegirl14: I mean she did, but he’s been going to therapy for a bit now and I guess she didn’t realize how bad it still was. Plus I have 2 step-siblings so that kinda complicated things.
chaos021: 😬. That's a tough position to be in, but I wouldn't say you fucked up.
littlegirl14: Yeah, I guess this whole time she’s been blaming me and the kids, and I feel pretty shitty that she’s struggling more with it now, even if it is the truth
chaos021: It's alright to empathize, but don't blame yourself for this.
| 6 | 80 | |
1672207257 | 1672216338 | t3_zx1zjc | t5_2to41 | 68 | Hot_Supermarket4369: TIFU by exfoliating my public area
Edit (spelling): title should say “pubic”
Tomorrow I am getting a Brazilian sugaring treatment (its kind of like a wax but supposedly less painful) for the first time. I’m pretty nervous because I’ve never had anything like this done before. I saw online that you should exfoliate your pubic area 24 hours before for the best results. I don’t have an exfoliating brush so I decided to just use a washcloth - now here is where I fucked up.
I chopped a bunch of onions for food prep on Christmas. My hands reeked of onions afterwards so I had vigorously washed them and dried them off with a washcloth in my bathroom. I put out a clean one, but I guess I must have mindlessly thrown the clean cloth into the hamper and kept the onion cloth on the bathroom counter.
So tonight when I went to exfoliate, the onion cloth was still there. I didn’t realize until it was too late. I exfoliated my entire pubic area with a washcloth that reeks of onions and now my cooch smells like the delicious but onion-y casserole we ate on Christmas. And if you cook, you know that’s a lingering smell. Praying to whatever God is not ashamed of my existence that the esthetician has a cold or something and can’t smell the unmistakable stench of onion coming off my vagina tomorrow. Also pleading with my vagina’s cranky and sensitive pH levels that this doesn’t give me an infection of some sort. The level of shame I now have for my own vagina makes up for the all time low of hope I possess for her future.
TL;DR: Accidentally exfoliated my coochie with a towel I’d used to dry off my onion-y hands. Now my whole vagina reeks of onion and I’m scheduled to have an esthetician all up in my junk tomorrow.
Fatassgecko: To cheer you up, here's my version
Had jock itch,
Try not to scratch,
Thought mouthwash would be nice with the cooling effect,
Wipe it all over my balls and thigh,
The delayed agony begin,
Felt like there's a thousand cut on my ball and burning on literal fire.
I did not drop a single tear when I broke off my arm.
I cried like a baby in fetal position when I rubbed my ball with mouthwash.
Hot_Supermarket4369: Oh my god… I would love to know what thought process led you to mouth wash as the solution here. But I have onion vagina so I guess I’m in no place to judge right now
aussie_nub: The problem was that he wasn't thinking.
Seriously, putting something like that near your balls takes some serious non-thinking.
Fatassgecko: Improvisation with whatever tools I have
The thought process goes as follow:
What cause jock itch?
Warm and moisture= fungus infection
Does it mean I could cure it fast with disinfectant?
What tools do I have that disinfect stuff?
-Alcohol
-toothpaste
-vinegar
-Mouthwash
Than I remembered someone had a blowjob, with a cooling effect blow job, I suspected it's either mouthwash or ice water.
But it's itching bad, so mouthwash is the way I choosed to be dead inside.
| 5 | 13.6 | |
1670337007 | 1670356105 | t3_ze87qs | t5_2to41 | 1,613 | Poliswagg69: TIFU by ripping ass in a conference call on the first day of job training.
So I'm a trainer at my company. A few months ago, I was training a group of 30+ new hires and it was the first day of a three week class.
I must've eaten something the night before to upset my stomach, because I woke up that morning super gassy. As I'm giving the opening powerpoint, I could feel another round of gas coming on. No big deal, I can always mute myself, pass gas, and continue my presentation. No one would be any the wiser.
Now, normally, I connect to the session audio using my computer, but on this particular day, my headset stopped working, so I had to use my phone instead.
Thanks to muscle memory, though, instead of muting myself on my phone, I try muting the non-working mic from my computer, lean to the left and rip the loudest ass I ever have in my life -- then I see the active audio icon next to my name in the session. Yup. Everyone heard that. All 30+ of them.
Thankfully everyone stayed so professional and didn't utter a word about it. But I honestly just wanted to crawl in a hole after that.
TL;DR - I muted myself on the wrong device and farted VERY LOUDLY and everyone heard it.
LurkeyCat: Hilarious. Happened to me once. I was a shy kid and begged for karate classes for years. I finally get to go to classes and when we are stretching on the first day I ripped a hole in the time space continuum. The sensei and everyone else busted out laughing. I did not. I might have had a panic attack. Never went back or asked for karate classes again.
thoawaydatrash: That’s a shame you didn’t go back because this solidly happens all the time in martial arts classes.
PreferredSelection: Yep! Martial arts and yoga - if you're not letting a few slip out, you're not doing it right.
Faking_Life: Once in yoga class someone ripped ass and the teacher would NOT stop talking about it,
Like “if you’re feeling a little extra wind it’s ok…just let it pass”
Like bro the fart is way gone, quit mentioning it lol
It’s like he was trying to encourage more farts from everyone
MumblyBoiBand: He discovered his fetish.
| 6 | 268.833333 | |
1670339205 | 1670340903 | t3_ze92nc | t5_2to41 | 8 | yetisa: TIFU by cooking under the influence
*Obligatory this didn’t happen today bit.*
Yesterday morning when I got home from work I put the ingredients for a home-made beef stew in the crockpot pot before heading to bed. I make it often and don’t really follow a recipe. It’s just onions, carrots, celery, potatoes and stew meat in beef broth, seasoned with salt, pepper, rosemary, thyme, and a bay leaf.
I started the crock pot and headed to bed. I took my meds, including the prescription sleeping pill that helps me get enough rest when I’m working nights. Five or ten minutes later I realized I forgot to add the bay leaf. So I hop out of bed and head to the kitchen to pop one in the crockpot. I noticed I was reeling down the hall, bouncing off the walls and stumbling around like I was drunk, and I found it quite amusing. It’s all a little fuzzy in my head after that, but I remember making it to the kitchen ok, and I know I made it back to bed because I was there when my alarm went off yesterday evening.
I took a shower and got dressed for work and called for my family to come to the kitchen to have a nice, big, comforting bowl of slow-simmered delicious beef stew. When we got there, something seemed… off. The aroma had a slightly astringent quality. I took the lid off and grabbed a spoon and tasted it. It was super herbal. Almost medicinal tasting. Nothing like it usually tasted, and not pleasant at all.
As I stirred the pot a bay leaf floated to the surface. And then another. And another. I picked out a total of *six* bay leaves but there could have been more. I have no idea what the hell I was thinking in my Lunesta-addled brain, but somehow I decided that I got a fever, and the only prescription was more bay leaf.
We had to throw out the whole pot and order pizza. It was inedible. 😭
TL;DR: Don’t cook on drugs.
ariphron: 6 bay leafs is Childs play. I pull out six bay leaves per bowl of anything my mom cooks! Got her a tshirt with a bay leaf on it.
yetisa: Wow! Is it a cultural thing? Where is she from? I don’t think I could handle that much 😬
ariphron: She is from New Orleans.
yetisa: So lots of other flavor profiles and spices to counterbalance it maybe? 🤔
| 5 | 1.6 | |
1672216594 | 1672237416 | t3_zx4kk5 | t5_2to41 | -61 | jenny4008463: TIFU by telling a coworkers boyfriend that she had been repeatedly calling another coworker handsome
So I 18f have this coworker 20f who has a boyfriend 22m who she has been dating for about 3 months and before she started dating him and while she was dating him she was always telling another coworker 29m that he looked handsome and that she loved him and other things that i would think she should be saying to her boyfriend and not a male coworker.
So 29m was getting fed up with the comments and from her so I got the idea to get her to give me her boyfriends phone number which I definitely went about getting it in the wrong way and today I decided to text him all about what she was saying to our coworker and I told him that he can decide what he wants to do with the information he can dump her or keep her
I just felt obligated to tell him what was going on before he got hurt by her even more So he decided to break up with this coworkers who then gets super upset and calls our boss which this coworker does whenever she gets upset at other coworkers for doing something that she doesn’t like.
So my boss calls me shocked that I’m even apart of this and yells at me for getting involved in the first place and for even contacting him because we know how emotional this coworker is about everything and apparently we’re all supposed to walk on eggshells around her because if we get her upset were apparently in big trouble. And apparently it was unprofessional of me to contact the boyfriend about this.
So my boss decided that we should sit down and talk this out and we’re not in trouble for anything since it didn’t happen on shift and I’m just shocked that it went in this direction but I should have expected this since this is what she does for everyone that annoys her at work. I’ll probably have an update by Friday since that’s when the meeting is and we’ll see what happens.
TL:DR TIFU by telling a coworker’s boyfriend that she has been calling another guy we work with handsome and she called our boss
Psycho_Kronos: Well done. Your coworker had it coming but we live in a world of snowflakes and fragile sensitive personalities. Don't listen to these people. No one has a sense of integrity today.
Next time use a burner phone or use another anonymous form of communication. Review company policy to ensure you are legally protected and unaccountable for emotional stress or breach of confidentiality and privacy. I'd shame and humiliate your manager for loosing control of the situation and accepting the account of an essential cheater, arguing that you cannot accept infidelity as a moral person. Accuse him of tyranny stating outside work affairs should not be punished or used as blame. This coworker clearly is a toxic person and needs to be reprimanded on her character.
Sitheref0874: You obviously don’t work in the USA because not one word of that stands up to any kind of scrutiny in the US.
Psycho_Kronos: I don't live in the USA. Is that a bad thing?
I just want people to be responsible for their misdeeds like do you like cheaters, manipulators and abusers? Clearly OP was doing the right thing but her work culture stopped her. Wouldn't it be nice if we lived in a world where you looked out for each other?
Sitheref0874: “Clearly OP was doing the right thing” is where the train left the tracks. It isn’t that clear at all.
If 20F gets assaulted by 22M, you still going to say OP did the right thing? Because there’s a significantly higher than zero chance of that happening.
If she was going to interfere at all, and I’m not sure she had the right to do that all, she should have spoken to her. This smacks of outright misogyny from you.
Edits: typos for gender
Psycho_Kronos: THEN THAT'S HIS CRIME!
Sitheref0874: User name checks out.
Psycho_Kronos: Nice try smearing me and accusing me of a misogynist despite the fact that I'm helping a woman (OP). Nice how you are making me seem like the bad guy despite nothing you've said making sense.
Shirocon: W bro dont worry about the redditard
| 9 | -6.777778 | |
1672218659 | 1672243781 | t3_zx53m3 | t5_2to41 | 195 | SheFuckingHatesMeNow: TIFU making sex jokes at work
Yesterday my friend came to my job. It's a well known toy store. The name rhymes with noise or fuss. Not my dream job, but at least I was earning money during the holidays. My friend wanted a Barbie doll for his niece and asked me to assist. I took him to the Barbie section and showed him all the diffferent Barbies: Mermaid Barbie, Bride Barbie, Wheelchair Barbie, etc. My friend asked me what I thought the best Barbie would be for a little girl. I said it depends on how much he was willing to spend and pointed at the expensive Barbies, which were the princesses. Those were popular, I said. If you're not poor.
My friend said he was poor, so I showed him the cheap Barbies. The cheapest ones were not even in fully sealed packaging. You could literally touch the doll because there was no plastic protection. The messy hair on all the cheap Barbies was an obvious sign that customers touched them a lot. I grabbed one of the cheap Barbies and said "behold... the walk of shame Barbie." My friend laughed. His reaction encouraged me to continue being silly, so I pulled cheap Barbie's hair back and proudly renamed her Blowjob Barbie. My friend and I laughed.
Little did I know that one of the customers, an upset mom, who happened to be in the Barbie section with her little girl, overheard what I said and repeated it to my manager. I had 2 written warnings already. My manager fired me. I knew it was gonna happen eventually, but I never expected BJ Barbie to be the end of me. On a side note, you might notice that this is not my first post on this sub. A quick update regarding my other fuck up: my sister and I are talking again. Christmas with the family was drama free. I think we'll be okay. For now.
TL:DR Lost my job at a toy store when a customer overheard me making sex jokes in the Barbie section and informed my manager.
Takemedownbitch: I swear down the toy shop “Noise are Fuss” went out of business a few years ago? Or was that just the UK?
I_Frothingslosh: I'm in the States, and I thought they'd long-since gone the way of the dodo. (I was going to say Blockbuster, but it turns out there's still one open!)
ArltheCrazy: Yeah, I’m pretty sure they went out of business.
I_Frothingslosh: TRU still exists as online sales and as physical stores outside of the US, and they've been opening 400 sub-stores inside assorted Macy's in the US this past year.
ArltheCrazy: I was this many years old
I_Frothingslosh: Me too!
| 7 | 27.857143 | |
1670347032 | 1670347525 | t3_zec9zz | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: TIFU by using the word spiritual on an atheist sub reddit group
[deleted]
ZeroPoint1988: I don't think you can post without a TLDR.
shadesofwolves: Writing "tl;dr" isn't the same as actually *putting* a tl;dr.
ZeroPoint1988: Dude are you trying me, what the fuq
shadesofwolves: Trying you? What are you even talking about.
ZeroPoint1988: Was a joke...
shadesofwolves: Right..
| 7 | 0.857143 | |
1670346999 | 1670352546 | t3_zec9iy | t5_2to41 | 91 | [deleted]: TIFU: I Shit My Pants at School Today
[deleted]
AB5642: 2 types of adults in this world, those who have shit their pants at some point and liars
RetroReactiveRuckus: I'm 27 and it hasn't happened as an adult. Yet.
My day will come. OP got it out of the way early.
mnbuckeye87: >hasn't happened as an adult
Which definitely means you shit yourself as a teen
RetroReactiveRuckus: Oh god, no I didn't.
DOES THAT MEAN ITS GOING TO HAPPEN TWICE?!
The last time I shit my pants I was 5 at a winter play day and my teacher wouldn't let me go to the bathroom because there was only 20 minutes of the activity left. I don't think that counts. I'll brace myself for twice.
| 5 | 18.2 | |
1670347181 | 1670355525 | t3_zecc7q | t5_2to41 | 7 | No-Replacement-5698: TIFU By Wearing A Pair Of Tight Pants To School
Sorry if I'm posting on here too much, but hey! Is it my fault my life is so embarrassing?
It all started this morning. I was going through my clothes, trying to decide on what to wear to school. It just so happened that the only clean pair of pants I had was a little small on me. Not wanting to waste any more time, I decided to wear it anyway. It didn't hurt me, and I could probably last through the school day without anything embarrassing happening. Well, that's what I thought amyway.
Fast forward to about 10 minutes ago. I was at my locker, trying to put my lunchbox back in my backpack, when this girl who I think I've only ever had a pooper conversation with once in my entire life started calling my name. I turned around to see what she wanted, and that's when she said it.
"Pull up your pants!" I did as she said, not wanting to be any more embarrassed than I already was. It would've helped if she said it quietly, but no. She just had to yell it across the hallway for everyone to hear. I picked up my stuff as fast as I could and ran away from there.
I am now sitting in the school auditorium writing this. I don't think I'll ever get over the embarrassment. I will definitely make sure to throw out these pants as soon as I get home. They've already cost me enough problems for one day.
TL;DR: I wore tight pants to school and a girl told me to pull them up.
binterbanter: What happened to uniforms. From where I come, it's so simple, just wear a uniform and life becomes so easy.
cdwZero: Uniforms are a whole "ordeal" in the United states.. ...
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1672223631 | 1672236638 | t3_zx6eip | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: TIFU by putting too much oil in my car..
[deleted]
mostly_kinda_sorta: what kind of car and how much oil did you put in it? is there an oil pressure gauge? if so what is it showing for oil pressure at idle? if it doesn't immediately show at least like 15-20lbs then shut I off!
typically too much oil is bad but it's not usually catastrophic unless you put way way too much in.
mondayfridaymonday: I've pictures online of it churned to butter from the crank. My guess is this is what happened. I can only see that happening if you damn near doubled the capacity.
Also reason for needing to put more oil in missing. Maybe lack of oil started the downward spiral
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1672226170 | 1672228479 | t3_zx7369 | t5_2to41 | 31 | copperbelly333: TIFU by giving my boyfriend head
[removed]
Caesar_cz: That's not a fuck up, you have laughed about it and went on anyway, so I guess it was just a bit different, but you enjoyed it anyway.
copperbelly333: Oh. Wrong sub then sorry! I’m still learning things, like I can’t tell whether certain situations are or aren’t detrimental
Caesar_cz: You chose this sub because you felt it was the right one. That's fine. We're just saying it's not as big of a tragedy as you think it is. That's all. Worse thing happen, if this was something you laughed about, then it wasn't really that bad.
copperbelly333: Ohhhhh thank you for letting me know! Sorry I’m genuinely do struggle with understanding social situations, you’re very kind for explaining. Hope you’re having a lovely day :)
Caesar_cz: No problem! Akward things happen to everyone sometimes, you're not alone. We all are just people who make mistakes. When nobody gets hurt, it's fine. Have a great day too!
| 6 | 5.166667 | |
1670348288 | 1670367431 | t3_zecsz9 | t5_2to41 | 222 | -speedrunner-: TIFU by Countering loneliness by adding every worldwide holiday to my Microsoft Outlook calendar
It's the holidays, right? Of course, I don't \*really\* have friends. I work alone and report to a bigger team, never got teammates. **TLDR;** I'm the funniest person on my team! *Anyways*\~ I research, plan, and schedule major actions for community inclusivity. Upper division teams reference my calendar. I help give voice and help a ton of people daily. It felt ironic to be isolated for the holidays. I think I cried the last two days.
Yesterday was despair (Mondays usually are to be fair). I rewatched The Ramones' interviews, read successes. Joey, Dee Dee, Johnny, Tommy, Marky, CJ, Ritchie. They came from nothing, made art with what they had, and always invited everyone. Btw, did you know ducks visit Dee Dee's grave? It's so cute. Anyways, like Joey, I responsibly tried, reached out to my only two friends, they have plans for ..2023, I guess. I have a veeery small family, of that, most died from cancer (so did 3/4ths of The Ramones, apparently). Ya know, normal stuff.
This morning at work, I revisited that this emptiness is endless. I tried to action-plan myself and figured the whole world's holidays exist. Each day is a new theme to celebrate while we \*hopefully\* **fly** through the holidays.
So, I swiftly opened Outlook > Calendar Settings, chose all 195+ countries A to Z, didn't think ~~much of it~~, synced results. I opened my calendar and it's **fucked**. I can't fix it. I have a couple Constitution Days from Thailand, St. Lucia, Sweden, Republic Day in Malta, National Day in Bahrain, I'm apparently celebrating Christmas, Boxing Day, and After-Christmas for like 4 days, Hannukah eight times in various countries, like 14 New Years for like four days. The plus sides are I will be super festive and should have chances to get a tooon of presents. I also noticed January 2023 looks diverse af! I'm lowkey excited for it. These new holidays go all way til 2026.
...I have to submit my calendar to the upper division teams every few weeks and as they request. I tried spending time deleting listings but there's just too many, literally the world. I guess this is my new life and chapter. I'll mask my loneliness and say I'm on a mission to learn. My company will have to accept me. So as follows: Happy St. Nicholas Day to Belgium, Germany, and Hungary. Foundation of Quito (Equador's Capital!) for Ecuador, Congratulations for Constitution Day and Independence Day for Spain and Finland respectively. If I missed someone or something, blame Microsoft.
Edit: Aside from 100+ Christmas and Religious holidays, Happy AZNAC Day + Remembrance to Australia and New Zealand.
Ser_Artur_Dayne: Submit a ticket to IT, they might be able to bulk delete for you
-speedrunner-: Kinda doubtful they can. The holidays are synced like events. I'll probably clear my days as they come.
SinisterYear: If it's o365 you'd be extremely surprised what we are able to do. PowerShell makes it very easy to undo something once we figure out how Microsoft actually does it on the backend.
-speedrunner-: sounds good =\] I'll consider reaching out if the holidays conflict w/my duties. My workday just ended and I kinda didn't mind it.
| 5 | 44.4 | |
1670369729 | 1670874847 | t3_zefm2g | t5_2to41 | 466 | InnerPick3208: Yeah, good thing he's honest. He could totally have taken the opportunity to use you as a piece of ass and leave you once he found someone he actually likes.
AlvinAssassin17: Yeah kudos to him for being a nice dude. Feel like the non-answer answer could have been him surprised at the confession.
AEsylumProductions: I wouldn't be that charitable to describe a dude who kisses platonic female friends on the neck as "nice". I would consider that leading people on at best and physically inappropriate at worst.
Kraymur: The guy is 19, she's 16, this is gross af. The people claiming him to be a nice dude are either really young themselves or are adults with the social awareness of toddlers. The guy knew what he was doing, how his actions would be perceived etc. This is manipulation if not grooming lol.
the-whiz: According to ops description, he’s not doing it and that’s her problem. He hasn’t done anything except, possibly, have feelings for someone. Did you ever consider the age difference is the reason why he’s not pursuing it further because remember she asked him and he didn’t reciprocate those feelings, although I’d be willing to bet he feels them. Also it’s a three year difference. In 2 years when they’re 18+21 you wouldn’t be saying things like “grooming”. My wife and I have a 3 yr gap and we met at 20+23, I leave you to guess whose older, no one was saying that was gross. All I’m saying is perhaps we need to pump the brakes a bit before we start comparing him to Epstein, he’s 19 not 40, and maybe the age was the reason he got cold feet.
Kraymur: No one was saying it was gross because you're both adults not a nearly 20 year old trying to groom a 16 year old.
phatbert: A nearly 20 year old trying to groom a 16 year old OR a nearly 17 year old who fell in love with an 18 year old who just turned 19.
I mean the world may never know whether that line was crossed from perfectly normal to blasphemy in matter of a handful of months.
Kraymur: "fell in love" at 16, with a guy she says herself she's known for a couple of months, okay lmao. This all has very obvious signs of manipulation to some extent. Plenty of other people seem to agree with that sentiment, go through the comments. It's just you weirdos defending this shit.
phatbert: Manipulation doesn't have an age threshold. As you said, if she was 20 and he was 23 it would suddenly not be "gross" (and I assume not manipulation) to you because she is an adult. So somewhere between 16 and 20 it crossed from "gross" manipulative grooming to perfectly normal. I find that a little odd. What if she was 18 and he was 21? All of a sudden not "gross"?
Kraymur: They're not 20 and 23 they're not 25 and 28, they're 16 and 19. Dudes his age don't go for women their own age for a reason. Frankly I'm done having a conversation where people outright defend this weird shit.
phatbert: okay but the point is 16 and 19 isn't weird. You're drawing some imaginary line at, I'm not sure where, where it becomes normal. I'm assuming you think 18 and 21 is not "weird shit" but I cant be sure.
Kraymur: 18 is legally an adult. You seem to not be grasping it's not about the specific number of years, it's about their specific age.
The line i'm drawing isn't imaginary, it's codified in law, there's an entire fucking reason he can be charged with statutory rape. Some "invisible" line huh?
phatbert: Seeing as the age of consent is 16 pretty much everywhere and in many cases even younger with an age gap allowance (usually 3 or more years) yea, I'd say its pretty imaginary because by law its completely normal. And if you think 18 and 21 isn't weird then you're weird for thinking 16 and 19 is.
Kraymur: So iF ThE aOc WaS 13 It WoUlD bE oKAY? wHeReS tHe LiNe? do you see how your logic is flawed?
phatbert: if were following your logic and using the law of an indicator of what is normal or not, then you're just wrong about it not being normal. That's all...
Kraymur: I'm not using the law as a basis for my argument, you said i'm drawing imaginary lines and I used the law as context in response.
phatbert: but by the law, that line doesn't exist for consent of sexual relations. So it is imaginary. You're using the line for when the law considers you an adult, that is not when you are considered old enough to consent to a sexual relationship. There's a reason why the age of consent exists.
| 17 | 27.411765 | |
1670356566 | 1670357830 | t3_zeg9mj | t5_2to41 | 11 | curcabeata: TIFU by making a motivational poster
So, let’s start at the beginning. I moved away from home when I was 18 because my parents were driving me crazy with how much they wanted to control my life. I’m not going to get into the finer details, you don’t need to know my trauma, but for example whenever I didn’t get a 10 out of 10 in school my dad would say to me “Well if it’s just too much for you, we can always pull you out of school and you can stay home, cook and clean for me, if that’s all you can do” That phrase haunted my teens.
So today I watched a motivational video on Youtube that suggested adding a consequence to inaction to really motivate yourself. Sounded like a good plan to me. I have ADHD and struggle to maintain focus and motivation.
So I thought what do I fear most… living with my parents again, having to move back after 14 years. So I made myself a poster with my dad’s picture and the quote “Oh your business isn’t doing well? That’s ok you’ll just come back home and live with us and you can stay home, cook and clean for me, if that’s all you can do”.
I printed myself about 3 posters and put them in the bedroom, office and kitchen. “Great! I’m gonna start being productive any minute now!” I thought.
But in fact no… instead of being productive my mind fixated on the idea of living with my dad again and spiralled out of control. I was shaking for a good hour…talked to my friend, she did her best to distract me by talking about earthworms, kind of worked. I decided a shower will help. I go to take a shower and discover I’ve broken out in hives all over my chest! Continued shaking a bit more. Gave myself a headache. Then I decided to take down the posters in the bedroom and kitchen because they were making want to just leave the house in my pyjamas and never return. My head was spinning and needless to say I did not achieve a whole lot today.
Then my husband came home and rubbed my back until I felt better.
…..and here I am telling you about it! Hope it’s been amusing for you! It sure was a wild ride for me. Never making motivational shit again.
TL;DR I tried to motivate myself but instead I fried my brain with anxiety.
Mr007McDiddles: Therapy might be helpful if you're having that much anxiety over that relationship. As you've seen, just talking it out with a friendly ear can relieve a lot of pain.... Try to find what works better for you if you need extra motivation. It's trial and error.
curcabeata: Thank you! I was in therapy for it yeah but I haven't really been able to afford it recently...but I have been thinking it might be good to go back I miss my therapist she was always so calming
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1670357286 | 1670373862 | t3_zeglfw | t5_2to41 | 447 | BeautifulPoison01: TIFU by destroying my cock
This wasn’t actually today but about a decade ago, when I was in middle school.
My parents were super strict, and their punishments never fit the crime.
Around puberty age I started getting curious, and naturally, asked my mom about sex, overhearing it in school. She went off on me, screaming and threatening me, I was petrified.
The only form of sex ed I had was through this religious after school program I was forced to attend weekly.
They told us we must resist the urges of sex and masturbation. I personally never believed in the religion but my mom did, and I concluded this was my mom’s reasoning for reacting the way she did.
Eventually, the urge to play with myself became too strong, so I found an alternative solution. So, without going into much detail, I injured my cock on purpose, to the point I would no longer have sex urges. I’m 21 now and to this day, there is still a gnarly scar on my cock, and I have trouble preforming.
TLDR: As a kid my parents were super strict and my mom went off on me for asking about sex. I didn’t want to get punished, but I was at puberty age and had strong urges to play with myself. So I mutilated my cock. To this day I still have trouble performing. I call him scar cock.
MotoHULK: Rhino 24k.
BeautifulPoison01: ???
ThePresidentsNipples: Thats a gas station boner pill....you probably shouldn't.
BeautifulPoison01: Oh, I can still get boners, it just feels kinda… broken. And comes with a lot of anxiety too.
fingerMeThomas: Have you talked to doctors (mental and physical) about this? There may actually be things they can do.
FWIW I almost did the same thing when I was a kid, for the same reason. Religious extremism leaves scars on your brain, not just your dick—definitely worth getting both looked at by a professional.
BeautifulPoison01: Thanks dude. I’m actually seeing my doctor this Friday. I’m done hiding all my issues from professionals. I’m on that road to recovery now. 🙏🏽
trvllvr: I hope they are able to help.
| 8 | 55.875 | |
1672236544 | 1672259423 | t3_zxagr3 | t5_2to41 | 14,584 | chumbawumbanudes: [ Removed by Reddit ]
[removed]
MajestaHazel: #attentionwhoreproblems
chumbawumbanudes: I mean...duh. I literally send nudes for the attention, this isn't the insult you think it is.
RuckrTN: Some self reflection may be helpful here
APetitePig: OP has the maturity and emotional intelligence of a 14 year old, I doubt she understands what self reflection is lol.
Harleyquincey: oh is it because you're horny for some nudes, yes? Well too bad you're not getting any, lol.
APetitePig: Nah I like my women psychologically developed.
Harleyquincey: Dude... you're mostly writing about the video games you're playing, not sure if you qualify for any of that "developed" part yourself ;)
APetitePig: Lol.
You're petty enough to go looking through my profile trying to find something to talk shit about because you're that bothered by me calling out objectively unhealthy/immature behavior. You were so desperate to find something that you had to settle for trying to shit on my choice of hobby. And you're so downright out of touch that you apparently think video games are only played by immature people.
All of this reflects much more badly on you than me, which is why you're currently being downvoted to hell. Grow up and move on. Or just keep farming downvotes and humiliating yourself with your weird unprovoked aggression I guess, I don't really care much either way.
Harleyquincey: > All of this reflects much more badly on you than me, which is why you're currently being downvoted to hell. Grow up and move on. Or just keep farming downvotes and humiliating yourself with your weird unprovoked aggression I guess, I don't really care much either way.
Wait, you actually **care** about up/downvotes? Jesus Christ, you're a worse case than I had originally thought. Holy cow, you really need to get some fresh air and touch grass. It's funny btw. how **you** are the one being unprovokedly aggressive towards OP but can't handle the heat in the kitchen yourself apparently.
Real mature, Jason-Kayden, real mature.
Now let me laugh uncontrollably as people "downvote me to hell" as if any of that mattered to literally anyone who's out of high school or whatever it is people in their teenage years attend where you live.
APetitePig: Keep going, surely your next attempt will be the one that lands! Your big win is just around the corner, you just need one more reply to make me break down bawling and admit that you were right all along about…whatever point you’re trying to make!
Harleyquincey: No idea what you're going on about but seriously dude, lay off the incel attitude, go touch some grass. You know: outside.
APetitePig: You did it! You got me! Argh, I am slain by the mighty warrior of justice! I will now go cry in bed all day and contemplate all of my life choices, as you ride triumphantly off into the sunset.
| 13 | 1,121.846154 | |
1672231879 | 1672246172 | t3_zx8tcj | t5_2to41 | 8 | IZZURI_0910: TIFU by telling my dad the real reason I changed highschool
Tw : mention of suicide
Background story here : So a couple of years ago I went to a very competitive boarding school and the stuff they teach are so damn hardcore that I can't keep up at all and ended up failing. It was also very expensive and my mom ended up not being able to afford it. This combined with my failing grades has made me pretty depressed and feeling like a failure to the point that I had planned to jump off from one of the tall buildings there once the holiday was over, however that plan was cancelled because apparently I can't even go back there anymore. My mom then proceeded to tell me that if anybody asks, just tell them that I just wasn't feeling it and decided to change school of my own accord. The only ones who knew what actually happened (along with my jump plan) at the time was my friends and my brother.
Fast forward to today, it's nearing the end of my highschool days and my dad (divorced, but still in touch with me) messaged me asking how am I doing and discussed which university I want to go to. I was very clueless about universities and had to ask my friends about their opinions. My biggest concern was the community in the colleges because some of my friends were being bullied by their seniors, and I reaaaally don't need any of that shit in my life. At this point the discussion was going pretty well.
Now here's where I fucked up : Because I was worried, I kept bringing up about how I'm looking for a university where the overall mood is friendly and that's all I'll ever need. Then my dad suddenly brought up the topic of how you can't always have nice things, and running away is definitely not the way to do when you're facing what you don't like. He told me that this time if the univ wasn't what I expected it to be I shouldn't immediately try to get out, especially when time and money is at stake. This rubbed me the wrong way because I felt like he's bringing up about when I changed highschool, so I got emotional and ended up telling him about the fact that I didn't actually changed school because I wanted to.
He was confused because back then I only told him the stuff that my mom told me to say (the stuff about "my own choice"). He told me that he thought I hated the school (to which I don't, I absolutely loved it, I just had MAJOR issues with my academics). And then, he suddenly brought up about how he had heard that I had planned to jump off from the 3rd floor of the dormitory due to stress, trying to confirm whether that one was a lie too.
I was shocked. I really didn't know what to say. After some minutes of silence I just decided to pretend that I didn't read that part. All this time I've tried my hardest to hide the fact that I'm pretty much wrecked inside, and for HIM out of all people to find out... I feel so ashamed and disgusted about myself. I really don't think I could ever face him again knowing that he knows what's actually going on. I don't even know where he had even heard that, was it my brother? There's no way it's my mom nor my friends. Nevertheless I've never felt damn sick in my entire life before...
Tl:dr; My dad that I've tried so hard to give a good image about myself contacted me to discuss about college, accidentally touched a sensitive topic, and revealed about how he actually knows everything going on about my mental health.
Edit : Welp, I guess I did a double TIFU by failing to mention that my dad is a very kind person. He probably would love to help me but my mom is taking me hostage. My mental health has spiralled down almost out of control ever since my parent's divorce because my mom's the one who got custody over me. Me and my dad might not be close but we're doing our best to still be family. Which is why I felt terrible when I found out he actually knows that my situation is not as happy as I make it to be.
Global_Monk_5778: As a parent, he sickens me. The fact he *knew* and hasn’t once tried to help you, talk to you, offer you help… he is still pushing you with uni and telling you running away isn’t an option?! He is a prick, and I won’t apologise for saying it.
He knows you wanted to end your life and he’s still talking like that to you? I think you need to limit contact with him until you feel stronger OP. You haven’t FU, he has. He’s failed as a father - he wasn’t there for you when you were at your weakest. Even if he found out after, he still should have come to you and tried to offer support and help. This isn’t your FU, it’s his.
Pick the uni where you feel safest, most secure and most yourself. Screw everything he says to you. You are a survivor and don’t ever doubt yourself. You are still alive and that takes massive strength - I know, I’ve been there myself. Be proud of yourself OP!! Now live your life for *you* not for what he thinks you should do. He gets no say in any of it. Even if you get 2.5 years in and all that money is invested and you realise it’s not for you…. You walk away. Your mental health is more important than any amount of money. I have a degree I’ve never ever used, student loans too, but none of that matters when compared to my mental health. YOU DO YOU. Good luck at uni if you do decide to go. And tell your dad from me he can go swivel.
IZZURI_0910: That not it... I get where you're coming from and I really appreciate it but the details that I didnt write is that he's actually the most supportive family member after my brother. I don't want to shit talk any of my parents, but if anything my mom is the prick here. She knows fully that I have clinically diagnosed ADHD but she just shuts the topic off and gets mad everytime I bring it up. She even mocked me when I had a previous attempt. It's not that he didn't try to help, it's that he can't, since my life pretty much belongs to my mom or smth.
He's not pushing me either. He's not sure how to express stuff so he would send me loads of money and things as a way to say that he loves me. He even said he's willing to pay expensively for my college. He's so kind and I felt terrible for burdening him if anything.
Global_Monk_5778: Then I apologise. But you know the best thing in all of this? You’re heading off to uni soon which means your mum looses ALL control over you. You will be *free* of her. So take all the support your dad offers, escape to uni and escape your mum and her mocking. When you need to go “home” for holidays ask your dad if you can go to his instead - even if it’s further away. Ask him for help instead. Be bluntly honest with him about *everything* including how she’s been over all of this and get out of there. It will do you the world of good!! So will uni because you’ll be away from her.
Families can be toxic and you don’t owe people like that anything. Ever. Do what is right for you.
| 4 | 2 | |
1672238893 | 1672250284 | t3_zxbdpe | t5_2to41 | 14 | [deleted]: TIFU by stripping down for a weigh-in in front of females during a wrestling tournament.
[deleted]
nowhereman1223: How much weight do you actually save by removing briefs?
Can you weigh in with them and then take them off if you are over by the 1/4 oz they weigh?
Seems liking taking a piss would remove the same amount of weight. Not sure why getting totally naked would be needed or even allowed for something like this.
plaverty9: It's needed because he was overweight. The piss is long gone by the time they get on the scale. There's none left.
nowhereman1223: Overweight by 1/4 oz or less?
If so, get on the scale, see that, then remove the briefs.
There is no reason to get on there naked to start. It has nothing to do with modesty and more to do with decency. I don't imagine the weigh in happening in the showers or the middle of the locker room.
fuckmeuntilicecream: Weigh ins are in the locker room. I missed the post here because it was deleted. I don't get why there would be members of the opposite sex in a locker room during wrestling weigh ins. If you're cutting weight, spitting and sweating your underwear could have some weight to it. Probably nothing significant but every ounce counts. We had punishment for missing weight. I have stripped down before and it's pretty common in wrestling.
| 5 | 2.8 | |
1670366501 | 1670367912 | t3_zekib3 | t5_2to41 | 4 | anon_1313666: Tifu, by wasting my life
[removed]
ddawid: There is always work to be found. Start some online classes or external studies. 20 is still very young. You have your whole life before you
anon_1313666: While I don’t disagree the trouble is idk if there is something I could go to school for that would genuinely make me happy, and that around my area the only work is 60-70+ hrs a week if I want to pay rent and my car payment
ddawid: You would be surprised. I decided last minute on my bachelor studies and never looked back. There is also really a lot that you can learn online. Maybe start some commission based online business?
| 4 | 1 | |
1670367577 | 1670368053 | t3_zekykp | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU by yeeting a smoke detector down 12 stories in a trash shoot.
[deleted]
Drewcifer236: "Yeeting"?
PEneoark: = throwing
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1670368450 | 1670384088 | t3_zelcn5 | t5_2to41 | 412 | TheNintendoBro: TIFU by almost causing a car accident.
I (F19) made a bad turn and almost crashed into someone. Like really bad turn. They then pulled me over and started yelling at me (completely justified). They kept asking me where my parents are (I’m 19 but look younger). I just kept apologizing over and over again cause I had no idea what to do. I’m so embarrassed and feel awful that I could have hurt someone. My little sister (F15) was also in the front seat and just start recording and calling my parents out of panic cause of how angry they were. They ended up just storming off after like 2 minutes.
I’ve been driving for only a few months and already almost got into a wreck. I really fucked up and feel awful about this. Does anyone have any similar stories? Idk how to move past this. I wish I can apologize to them again. I feel so terrible.
TL;DR: almost caused an accident and feel awful over it
Update: I don't know how to tell you all how grateful I am for all the advice and support you gave me in the comments. I didn't realize how dangerous of a situation I was in, and I really downplayed it. We could have seriously been hurt, but I think the fact that they thought we were both minors stopped them. I got really lucky.
All your stories and advice really helped and reassured me. I now know what to do if I get in a situation like this again and will not make the same mistake. I also plan on taking defensive driving courses. I will not be pressing charges though because I'd rather just move on and never see them again. Again, thank you all so much, and I'm sorry if I don't reply to all the comments but I am still reading them!! Thank you all <3.
andywalker76: OP, don't take it so hard, as a young driver, you will have the occasional incident, but, with experience, you will get better, both with driving confidence and handling other drivers.
TheNintendoBro: Thanks for your kind words, I appreciate it❤️
BigHawkSports: Hijacking top comment to say "they then pulled me over" I don't know what this means but if some road raging person is trying to "pull you over" you get out of there as fast as you can and do not stop.
You were 1000 times closer to getting killed in the moment you were interacting with that person than you were in the moment you made a bad turn.
Do not stop, do not get out, do not apologize. If there was no accident and no damage you do not stop.
TheNintendoBro: They sped in front of me and blocked my way with their car so that I couldn't leave. I didn't realize how much danger I was in until now, but I got really lucky that they didn't hurt me. I'm glad that I now know what to do for next time.
BigHawkSports: If anything like that ever happens again: windows up doors locked, car running, call 911. You might have made a driving error, they committed several crimes.
Lampadaire345: And if they block the path forward, back out of there.
| 7 | 58.857143 | |
1670371275 | 1670374765 | t3_zemi2y | t5_2to41 | 27 | Any_Elephant_655: TIFU Locked out after using my hot tub
I decided to jump into my hot tub today since my back was really sore from decorating the inside of my house for Christmas, after putting away all of my Thanksgiving decorations. I always get in my hot tub nude since I have a privacy fence around my deck. After 20 minutes, I felt so relaxed and had enough so I decided to dry off and go inside. I walked over to the sliding glass door and it was locked and I was home alone, no idea how that happened but my dogs have been known to jump up and unlock the door so maybe the locked this time? A lot of my neighbors were out putting up Christmas lights so what was I going to do? It wasn’t warm enough to stay outside so I crept around to the front of the house to go in the front door since I have a keyless entry lock. I was hurrying, carrying my phone and my bourbon, trying not to be seen and my towel fell off, then I dropped my phone trying to grab my towel, then spilled my bourbon trying to grab my phone…Needless to say, the neighbors go a show and the wives werent too happy! TL:DR
Reddit-username_here: This story is backed up by facts...
ItsHowWellYouMowFast: Well. Judging by OPs posts this may be legit
Any_Elephant_655: It’s legit!
| 4 | 6.75 | |
1670372501 | 1670393580 | t3_zemzdl | t5_2to41 | 14 | wildeforwomen: TIFU by keeping my prescriptions in the same place
About a month ago I could tell something was up with my female bits so I went to urgent care assuming I had a UTI. I was told that I didn't test positive for one but to follow up with my gyno for further examination. The doctor prescribed a strong antibiotic just in case and told me to take it. I wasn't about to bomb my system for no good reason so I put it on my counter unopened.
A week ago I had my gyno appt and was told I have an imbalance down there (continuing issue for me) and she prescribed me an antibiotic that will help. I came home and put it on the counter next to the other. Well as y'all can guess my fool ass started taking the wrong antibiotic. And it hit my system HARD. I've been incredibly nauseous to the point I had to miss work. I haven't had an appetite and all food turns my stomach just to think about it. I noticed the pills were different from last time so I decided to check my paperwork that my gyno sent me home with. That's when I saw the different medication name. At first I thought the pharmacy messed up but then it all clicked for me. And the worst part is, my infection has been getting worse this whole time. Now it's going to take another week to clear up. Learn from my mistakes, don't store your meds together, or at least read the labels first.
TL;DR: I took the wrong meds, missed work, and made my infection worse all because I put two bottles on the same counter.
jeffinRTP: The outcome could have been worse, you are right to read the labels before taking meds.
For what it's worth I did something similar with my bp meds.
wildeforwomen: I mean I saw it was an antibiotic so I didn't think much about it but I definitely should have been more careful.
BP meds are way more scary to mess up! Hope you came out of the experience ok?
jeffinRTP: No harmful effects, thankfully.
| 4 | 3.5 | |
1670373355 | 1670374524 | t3_zena8z | t5_2to41 | 17 | [deleted]: TIFU I Overdosed my family on Thanksgiving
[deleted]
WhyIsIsTakenTaken: TLDR since you seem to be missing one:
Put 10x too much weed in cookies for family Thanksgiving, family overdosed
sex-later: Tldr GRANDMA WAS OKAY
| 3 | 5.666667 | |
1670376949 | 1670381798 | t3_zeoisl | t5_2to41 | 15 | Important_Mud_2841: TIFU betraying my GF’s trust.
To preface this,my gf [20f] and I [20m] have been dating for two years. In the beginning of our relationship, we were both addicted to vaping. That went on until January of 2022, when we both quit. Things were fine for that long until I we went on a vacation this late May/early June with my Family. My older brother [23m] is an ex-smoker and heavy vape user. I used his backup vape a lot during the vacation and really enjoyed it [I know, I’m a degenerate]. Well we get back from vacation and our family decides we are moving to a new house [a little more complicated, but I will leave that out]. My older brother travels a lot for work and would leave his car at one of our houses because he lives in the city and doesn’t want his car unattended for weeks at a time. Well I went to pick his car up from the airport in June and low and behold, there is the same vape from vacation.
The thing about us moving is important because my older brother is moving back in with us until April of 2023. I knew that I would always be asking for his vape, so I feebly decided to just steal his vape and have been using since June.
Here is the fuck up, I am an actual idiot and thought my GF would think less of me for more or less relapsing, and did not tell her I started vaping again. The guilt of holding a secret from her really built up and I told her today. She did not take it well. She does not care that I am vaping, but is really hurt that as she says “Did not feel like I could trust her enough to tell her”. I feel like shit, I betrayed her trust and I have no excuse. She cried. She’s not breaking up with me or anything but I have a long road ahead of me to gain her trust back. Just really wanted to vent, I feel like a failure.
TL;DR
Kept a secret that I was relapsed and was vaping again away from my GF for 6 months, really hurt her and betrayed her trust, I feel like an absolute failure.
sg12412: My friend I did the same thing, I relapsed and started smoking again and hid it from my wife for 4 years. I was more concerned with my feelings and that she was going to be disappointed in me, and I absolutely hate the idea of disappointing her. The lying about it and hiding it was so much worse than just telling her would have been. It's taken me a long time to regain her trust, many years in fact, for her to completely trust me again.
The best thing to do is talk it out, apologize and make sure you never lie again. Not even little white lies that you might think are going to save her feelings. If she really loves you, she will trust you again, slowly.
Important_Mud_2841: I think you have hit the feelings right on the head. I just hate the idea of disappointing her. I’m gonna marry this girl, I love her more than life, I’m glad I just got it out there, I’d rather spend the rest of my life making it up to her than keep the guilt in. Thank you very much for sharing, it means a lot.
sg12412: Best of luck to you and I hope she says yes! Love does conquer all, you're going to be just fine.
| 4 | 3.75 | |
1670377435 | 1670380893 | t3_zeooqr | t5_2to41 | 129 | [deleted]: TIFU by improperly disposing of a used condom
[deleted]
Gonadznstrife: What's that coke slogan again... Together tastes better??
I_D_Fike: No more reddit needed today.
Take your W, sir! Good day.
| 3 | 43 | |
1670377290 | 1670532077 | t3_zeomyr | t5_2to41 | 59 | cherrylime_slushie: tifu in my musical theater audition
tifu in my musical theater audition
not joking, I genuinely did terrible and I'm upset about it. I walked in and slated and then they started my music. I missed my cue and felt the anxiety flow and halt into my body. they asked if I wanted to play it again and I agreed. I missed my damn cue again. I practiced for hours yesterday but all of that went down the drain. I was 4 counts behind the entire time and eventually caught up at a pause. I still projected but I don't even know how well I did because it was all a blur. I remember finishing, smiling, saying thank you, closing the door, and immediately sobbing. I didn't miss any lyrics and I finished with a smile but I guarantee I'm not getting in. the worst part is that I was genuinely excited and confident walking in, and I put hours of practice into my song. I'm only a freshman and this is my second musical audition ever but I hate myself and I'm so disappointed in how I did.
TL;DR:
I missed my singing cue twice and I'm very upset
edit: today was dance auditions and I got a callback!
GomerStuckInIowa: Freshman in HS or college? As a former director, they should be able to see through the missed cue and recognize the talent. I had a guy who didn't know what up/downstage was but was a tenor from heaven. I could work with that. If, by some chance, not this time, then keep at it if you love the theatre. Chin up, chest out.
cherrylime_slushie: highschool, and thank you sm, I'm gonna use "chin up, chest out"
GomerStuckInIowa: Proud of you cherry!😃
cherrylime_slushie: thank you, and i got a dance callback today!
GomerStuckInIowa: 
| 6 | 9.833333 | |
1672245888 | 1672331258 | t3_zxeaw5 | t5_2to41 | 225 | [deleted]: Tifu by accidentally having a pic of my date
[deleted]
Affectionate-Pop7684: Dude... I was drowsy scrolling and checking out this dudes profile I was thinking about having an interest in... as I was passing out, I put down my phone and accidentally friend requested HIS FATHER!!!! we've had a great laugh about it... been together 8 years, married for 5 years and have had 3 babies!
It's fine, your fine, ask her for a 2nd date!
Card1974: But what did the wife think about you marrying her partner?
Affectionate-Pop7684: Sorry what??? He was single when we started talking... not sure where you thought he was with someone....
Card1974: Oh, right. And the son was cool with the marriage?
Affectionate-Pop7684: I think you are missing this... I was scrolling my current husband's fb page. As I put my phone down I accidentally friend requested his father.... nothing between my fil and I ever happened, that's just gross....
I was sharing a relatable silly embarrassing thing that happened that could have been seen as creepy at the beginning of a relationship but was fine... we had a laugh about it... my husband obviously wasn't creeped out by my obvious stalking of his fb page. He thought it was funny I accidentally added his dad.
Quietly_Observes: They're just joking. Your first comment doesn't make it clear that you married the son, just that you added the father, laughed about it and then got married and had kids. Common sense says you married the son, but they're making a joke based on the lack of clarity. This is a common joke format on Reddit (and elsewhere I'm sure). Hope this helps :)
Affectionate-Pop7684: Lol ok... sorry, I'm fairly new here
Quietly_Observes: No worries :)
| 9 | 25 | |
1670373778 | 1670460747 | t3_zenfgs | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: TIFU by accidentally spreading a rumor about me and my cousin around school.
[deleted]
Shoe_mocker: https://preview.redd.it/braesrhd9k4a1.jpeg?width=480&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=31817c04e030977119872d2ac2cc77e214cda686
LittleTexanBoy: You bastard
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1672245879 | 1672251233 | t3_zxeaqr | t5_2to41 | 44 | [deleted]: TIFU by going to Service Ontario
[deleted]
RosieQParker: Service Ontario uses special camera filters that ensure that **everyone** looks like a bag of smashed assholes no matter how much work they put into their appearance. You beat the system.
grumpycat92: LOL I wholeheartedly believe this
speculatrix: Anybody whose documents look like them in real life is assumed to have counterfeit documents :-)
| 4 | 11 | |
1670382251 | 1670382703 | t3_zeqbmt | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by losing my temper at my girlfriend
[deleted]
Jazzmus0: This was already a post on TIFU. why are you trying to pass it off as your own when it's obviously that the man in the story is a raging asshole.
TIFU__throwaway-: I was the one who first posted this story here. I reuploaded it just now because I originally deleted it, and I added a new paragraph (the second-last one) to provide some context into why I did what I did.
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1672248289 | 1672319883 | t3_zxfbkb | t5_2to41 | 324 | skaapjagter: TIFU When I fumigated the house with my diarrhoea during a family lunch.
So the fuck up was actually on Boxing Day.
I have been relegated to the couch because of what happened, so I just got a moment to write this now.
On the 26th we had the in laws over for a braai (BBQ) as our Christmas meal.
Things were going great until I find out that we are having, amongst other things, pork fillet, angel kisses (cherries wrapped in bacon) as well as Gammon in the oven.
We were also having ice cream, mousse and my grandmother's trifle (she only makes it once a year so it's special).
I mention these things because I am lactose intolerant and also very sensitive to pork.
Not one to turn down a challenge, I decided to indulge myself and have some of everything.
Big mistake.
Usually I can handle it, but this time it hit hard.
I could feel my stomach start to churn and things start happening down below.
I try to distance myself at first but I just can't hold it in and start to let off silent bombs.
Family want to talk and I just want to run away.
Soon I run out of corners to defile with my stench.
And I start to hold it in as I proceed to experience stomach "burps"
At this point I am visibly in pain and I am sweating profusely.
I was about to go outside and try let off some "steam"
But then my wife starts to smell something funky.
And decides to close the windows and doors because sometimes the nearby river has a sewer smell, so to try and keep that at bay, all exits were sealed, and it's going to look weird if I go and stand outside with said sewer smell brewing.
Another big mistake.
My guts have now moved on to the second phase and evacuation is imminent.
We have 1.5 bathrooms. One upstairs attached to the bedroom and one downstairs which is just a toilet.
As I get up from the couch to go to the kitchen - it happens.
The flood gates start trembling, it's about to happen.
I have no time to get to the bathroom upstairs so I waddle to the toilet that's 2 meters away from the family.
I barely make it as I start to empty my bowels while still on my way to the seat.
It just keeps coming.
I don't even have to push.
Sweat dripping from my face.
At the same time I am trying to contain the damage.
I take my shirt off and try to block the gap under the door.
I empty a can off spray.
Flushing with each anal explosion.
The house is very old so this little bathroom doesn't have a window on it - only a wall vent that goes into the house...
I am going strong for a solid 5 minutes
My asshole is on fire.
I finally finish. I scrub and bleach the toilet as well as the rim.
I exit the bathroom feeling like I just walked off a BangBros set.
I arrive to an empty lounge and every single door and window open.
I see the gate on the stairs is locked (it's a security gate for night times)
I sheepishly call up the stairs "Hello?"
I get a simple "FUCK OFF" back from my wife.
I resort to spending the rest of the day outside with the dog as sitting was No longer an option.
After the dust and smell settles I hear from my wife that when the carnage commenced she started to gag and wretch a bunch (she has a very low tolerance for smells) and they ended up having to all go and sit in the bedrooms.
Mom, dad, wife, daughter and grandmother (88 years old)
So here I am - about to spend the third night on the couch.
I am still in pain and cannot sit down.
Every fart feels like Im sitting on a vibrating cheese grater.
Tl;Dr
I ate stuff I shouldn't have.
My stomach basically turned inside out and I destroyed my ass and the toilet.
As such, I forced the whole family to go sit in the bedrooms upstairs.
And I am now sleeping on the couch
(until further notice).
At least the dog still loves me.
EDIT:
Thanks for the awards people of Reddit.
I am glad I could share this shit show with someone.
Somebody asked for dog tax so here is a picture of VANTA the labrador X great Dane.
https://i.imgur.com/GLZlAPw.jpg
BeneficialName9863: Mate, get lactase tablets!
I had to endure gastric exorcism whenever I had dairy for years till I found them.
(If you can't get them anywhere else, pharmacies normally sell drops for lactose intolerant babies)
skaapjagter: I had no idea these existed!
Thanks so much.
BeneficialName9863: They are life changing, I can have cheese whenever I want!
gottahavegumpshin: 
| 5 | 64.8 | |
1670384607 | 1670385915 | t3_zer3i7 | t5_2to41 | -8 | [deleted]: TIFU by losing my temper at my girlfriend
[deleted]
CorkBullet: Your only human and your temporary emotional rage was pointing out the truth. It happens to everybody
Maniac2112: You sound like a super r/niceguys
| 3 | -2.666667 | |
1672250270 | 1672315307 | t3_zxg5pb | t5_2to41 | 16,905 | Blowchore: TIFU Not recognizing a real life Delivery Driver Porno situation
[removed]
The_Zy: I feel like this was just made as a joke to her post...
trevor58: No he posted on his alt pretending to be a topless woman now he’s on his main.
IGuessItsJustMeMe: Plot twist, this is the alt
Courtesy of u/mysteryliner:
https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/zws4vq
trevor58: Plot twist: he was delivering to his house and he still lives with his mom.
chemicalbomber: Plot twist-twist: his arms are broken
ForQ2: Plot twist: He used to have a coconut...
3D-Printing: Plot twist: he doesn't know what a potato is...
necrobus_1999: Plot twist: he has a jar with a pony in it.
imdefinitelywong: Plot twist: somewhere in the room, there is a tube of peppermint extract.
swefalittlebit: Plot-plot twist-twist he has a cumbox
sparker1987: Twisted Plot: it WASN'T a Wendy's
chainmailler2001: Really twisted plot: He enjoyed the Jolly Rancher.
notmyfirstchoixe: Plot twist: there is no plot twist.
TheGlovner: Plot twist: this all took place in the swamps of Dagobah.
| 15 | 1,127 | |
1670387130 | 1670463968 | t3_zerwwa | t5_2to41 | 111 | baxterrocky: TIFU by attempting to be erotic..
So bit of background. I’m a 43 year old dude. Been with my wife for 15+ years. We have 4 kids together, including 2 year old twins. Life’s been pretty tough lately. Various issues that I won’t bore you with - not least of which, the relentless 24/7 rigours of raising twin toddlers, on top of working full time etc etc..
Marriage had taken a serious hit. Sex life non-existent for some time. However… in the last month or two. Things have steadily started to improve (I’m delighted to say). Still hard work but my wife and I are much closer than we have been in ages.
We’ve tried to take more time for ourselves. Little things. Going out for the odd meal together (for the first time in forever), hanging out together more. Just being a bit more mindful. Anyway things deffo on an upward trajectory!!
The whole sex thing, or lack thereof, has been a bit of a concern. Both trying to get our mojo back, but can be hard after so long. We’ve had a few instances where things have got a bit intimate in the last couple of weeks. No hardcore super sex yet, but a few little moments here and there.
Anyway last night, my wife got home from work late. She’s a teacher and was at her school’s graduation ceremony. She got herself a bottle of wine. And sat out the front with her kindle to relax.
About an hour and 2/3 of a bottle later, she asks me to go and get her some ice. So I fill a glass with ice, and bring it out to her. She’s appreciative and we have a brief chat. She laughs and is being mildly flirtatious. So I’m like… fuck it, this moment seems right so I’ll seize it.
I leaned in for a kiss. She was on board. So we had a little smooch for 30 seconds or so. I then reach into the glass and take out an ice cube. Then as we continue to kiss I slide my hand down the front of her shorts and gently rub the ice cube on her… well you know (any word I typed seemed weird)!
She’s into it. REALLY into it. We kiss for a bit longer. Then I step away. Spontaneously I throw the Ice Cube up into the air and catch it in my mouth.
She laughs and is all OMG - I can’t believe you did that. It was a nice moment. And I head back inside.
I’m chewing on the ice cube. And it tastes a bit…. Well…. Off. Now I must stress that my wife has exquisite hygiene, especially down there, if we are doing anything remotely sexual. However, on this particular occasion. She’s been at work, on her feet for the past 12 hours, in 35 degree heat.
I was *not* prepared. My brain’s telling me I can still taste it. But that can’t be the case… can it 😕
TL:DR - TIFU up by trying to inject some spice back into my marriage - was mostly successful but AT WHAT COST?!
zilnosnibor: My only question is did you swallow it down like a champ so she was none the wiser or did you tell her? You'd be husband of the year if you spared her the embarrassment.
baxterrocky: I crunched it up and down it went!! 😧
zilnosnibor: She'll never know the sacrifice you made, I'm thanking you on her behalf 😁
baxterrocky: Haha - thank you!! 👊
| 5 | 22.2 | |
1670387720 | 1670392403 | t3_zes3ih | t5_2to41 | 35 | [deleted]: TIFU by ruining my first time with a guy I wanted to have sex with for a long time
[deleted]
Bivagial: See is more fun when you are comfortable enough to laugh.
Fenix_Volatilis: I think you meant *sex =P
| 3 | 11.666667 | |
1672251976 | 1672252637 | t3_zxgwdm | t5_2to41 | 13 | jfjdjdjdkdkdjkriei: TIFU by leaving a half full glass of wine in the sink overnight
For context, I'm 17f. I live with my mom, and she's *very* against alcohol. Like, religious and conservative plus trauma from my father (who was an abusive alcoholic).
Well, last night I was bored and, as is the tendency of teenagers, felt like doing something stupid. So, I drove to a sketchy gas station, bought some pink moscato wine and skittles, and drove back home. The cashier didn't id me so it worked out lol.
Then I attempted to drink my wine at 1am. That stuff was *disgusting* though, so I ended up just pouring it down the sink and leaving a the half full wine glass in the sink...
I then went to bed.
I just woke up, my mom woke up hours ago and has been downstairs for a looong time. The kitchen smelled like alcohol. There was a half full glass of wine in the sink...
*f u c k*
TL;DR my verrry religious mom 100% knows I drink alcohol underage now fml
LittleCowofOsasco: half empty*
Jokes aside: Yeah, Tell us what happened after. Good Lucky bro.
jfjdjdjdkdkdjkriei: me about to casually walk downstairs-
| 3 | 4.333333 | |
1670389746 | 1670449297 | t3_zespsj | t5_2to41 | 6 | heirsuit: TIFU by working with my cousin in college and failing a class
My cousin and I are in the same computer science class and we’ve been working on a project for weeks. The project consisted of making our own game within a coding software called python.
For the past two weeks, I have been trying to contact my cousin and he’s been unresponsive, texting with small responses, and has just been focused on other work. So we finished our parts of the assignment, except my cousin, made a fundamental error on the project that is prohibited by the instructor. I didn’t catch his error because we were doing our parts on separate word documents.
I tried to meet with my cousin last week so we could discuss the project but he did not return my calls. He kept telling me his part was done and there was no need to worry. Now the assignment was due at 12:00 am and we are going to get a 0 because he did his part wrong.
The worst part of all is that I’m not going to pass this class without the project so I’m fucked. Spring semester is ruined. And it’s not like I didn’t reach out to him multiple times. I even tried to meet with him yesterday but he ignored my messages. Now he has costed both of us our grades. I also won’t be able to advance into the next computer science class without retaking the one I’m in.
So here I am trying to find a way to tell my parents I didn’t pass because of miscommunication with my own cousin smh. Can’t believe this shit.
TL;DR just failed a computer science class because my cousin made a error on his part of the project.
RandoCalrissian11: This is why group projects should be graded individually per part. Grading as a completed project is pointless and counterproductive.
heirsuit: Exactly man it’s terrible
| 3 | 2 |
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.