start_date stringlengths 10 10 | end_date stringlengths 10 10 | thread_id stringlengths 8 10 ⌀ | subreddit stringclasses 1
value | subreddit_id stringclasses 1
value | total_score int64 -564 194k | text stringlengths 52 58.9k | num_messages int64 3 160 | avg_score float64 -55.17 14.3k |
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1670389709 | 1670395117 | t3_zespdj | t5_2to41 | 17 | Clean-Tap-1532: TIFU I used real chili peppers instead of capsaicin spray
Yesterday my face especially my nose was so itchy and it felt so annoying since the itchiness was worse than what I experienced in the past and I needed this to be gone as soon as possible since I'm also chasing deadlines. I tried letting it pass but after 30 minutes it was still there and still very itchy and annoying so I googled some remedies. Most of them involve medicine but the pharmacy was too far but then I saw something about a capsaicin spray so I had the stupidest idea of getting chili peppers or siling labuyo from my backyard and spreading it on the itch. I squished it and used the juices on my itch. At first it was okay but after 5 seconds, my face started to burn! It was so frickin hot. I was salivating so much. I tried rubbing powdered milk but it didn't work so I googled again and found out rubbing alcohol should work but it didn't maybe because this is just a cheap rubbing alcohol from my father's office. Then I remembered this soap called kojic clears out your pores so I went ahead and washed my face with it and thankfully, it worked and the itchiness is gone too. This might be my stupidest idea ever.
​
TL;DR Wanted to relieve itchy nose, find on the internet that capsaicin spray works, used real chili peppers instead and felt horrible.
PacnymuH: Don't believe in everything you see on the internet..
BinkoTheViking: …I believe you.
No, wait…
| 3 | 5.666667 | |
1670398288 | 1670498942 | t3_zev3d7 | t5_2to41 | 3 | GlaceyIsHere: TIFU by being stupid with my bday money
It was my birthday a few days ago and I got 400 dollars, this might not seem like much to some but to a young teen it is.im a newer pokemon fan but I've wanted to get a switch by saving up to play some pokemon games and breath of the wild whenever that comes out.But whenever I got the money for some reason I forgot all about it even tho my youtube and tiktok feed was flooded with pokemon stuff,but instead I used the money for games on another console I have that were kinda unnecessary and now today I am finally realizing my stupidness and I'm kinda bummed out. I got 150 left and I do have some money left from some work I did but I wanted to save it up, now I'm thinking of just using just a bit of it to by a switch and some games. My disappointment in myself is endless. TL : DR
StarLordFloofer: I have a switch I don’t use that I can give away for free if you’d like
GlaceyIsHere: Fr?
StarLordFloofer: Yes
| 4 | 0.75 | |
1670402046 | 1670402745 | t3_zew0kk | t5_2to41 | 0 | [deleted]: TIFU by confessing to my boyfriend
[deleted]
Aware_Economics4980: I don’t even understand what you are trying to say.
notsanepls: exactly what i mean by i am fucking confusing idek what i said.
| 3 | 0 | |
1670403862 | 1670417731 | t3_zewghs | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: TIFU by taking a huge shit at my boyfriends house
[deleted]
RudeSprinkles1240: Hi! I'm starting to recognize you by your writing style and subject matter. This time you chose to have a boyfriend. Interesting choice.
GarlicBread4lifee: This is my first time writing on this subreddit
GregoryGregory666666: I'm sure there is a fiction sub for you on here somewhere.
| 4 | 1.75 | |
1672250932 | 1672292433 | t3_zxgg7d | t5_2to41 | 78 | PoorRij: TIFU by telling a trucker to call his asshole
I work in a warehouse with a lot of Mexicans. It just so happens that a lot of the truckers we service are also Spanish-speakers. There's a lot of code-switching in the warehouse, a lot of inside jokes, double-entendres, etc.
Anyways, the Mexicans call the boss "cabrón". I thought that it meant "boss/jefe". Anyways, there was a problem with a Spanish-speaking trucker's paperwork that prevented us from logging their load and charging them a lumper fee. After explaining the problem, I told him to "Call your cabrón and get the paperwork for the load."
Well, there was obviously a language-barrier and the trucker called his jefe to tell him to call my jefe about how I called him (the trucker) an asshole, and my boss who is Guatemalan-descendant had a word to speak to me before I explained the situation; funny enough when he told me to walk into his office I asked him, "What's wrong, cabrón?"
We all had a good laugh and I apologized to the trucker, and my boss explained the situation in Spanish to said trucker and his cabrón.
​
TL:DR Language barrier caused me to disrespect a trucker and his boss
Sufficient-Ad451: May want to edit the title. “TIFU by telling a trucker to call his asshole” had me envisioning the trucker physically calling his asshole, instead of calling his BOSS asshole. Funny story though! Reminds me of “hermano” from arrested development…
TheLizzardMan: You can't change the title and this is why I believe that feature (or bug) should never be fixed.
| 3 | 26 | |
1672258169 | 1672262475 | t3_zxjjne | t5_2to41 | 15 | [deleted]: TIFU by kissing a coworkerwho walked through the door
[deleted]
mike_pants: Yeah, no, this doesn't happen outside of sitcoms. I have pretty piss-poor facial recognition, but even I would be able to recognize that someone was a mild acquaintance and not my wife.
Gaias_Minion: Only thing missing is the boyfriend showing up Behind the coworker after the kiss saying "Honey hope you don't mind I invinted my coworker for din..."
| 3 | 5 | |
1670409787 | 1670416573 | t3_zey1jg | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU
[deleted]
No_Love_1353: Would it kill you to be proud of your sister?
_-monomi_-: I am proud of her?
No_Love_1353: Then focus on that loving feeling instead of whatever negativity you’re fueling.
_-monomi_-: Okay!
| 5 | 0.8 | |
1670411452 | 1670478923 | t3_zeyizo | t5_2to41 | 56 | travelingwhilestupid: TIFU by not telling a girl I have herpes
[removed]
Staticoli: What a hero! Today you won!
travelingwhilestupid: I don't understand this. if you're serious... what? if you're sarcastic... what?
Kayback2: You didn't give her the herps. That's a win. It would have been easy to just do it anyway.
This does make you a good person. You had a little awkwardness but so what?
Are you likely to ever see her again?
travelingwhilestupid: if I ever bump into her again, I'm going to dig a big hole and bury myself in it.
KitSlander: Or just tell her why
NerdHerder77: #ain't nothing but a heartache
| 7 | 8 | |
1672250301 | 1672363534 | t3_zxg65n | t5_2to41 | 258 | AmiraArtista: TIFU by drinking expired milk
I'm lactose intolerant. Today I wanted a bowl of cereal because I haven't had one for breakfast in a while. I grabbed my milk out of my fridge, which was my first mistake. I don't have milk very much, maybe twive every month, so I don't really remember the taste. While pouring the milk into the bowl I was disgusted at the smell that came out of the milk. Me, not knowing the taste, ate the cereal. After I tasted it I gagged. I thought that maybe my taste buds just changed after 7 months. I thought, "Maybe i didnt like milk anymore?". I am a poor broke college student who works at a McDonald's and a gas station. Because I'm on a tight budget I just finished it to save money. 10 minutes later I'm on the toilet for 2 hours. After i was done in the horror chamber that was the bathroom, i checked the date on the milk. Turns out, the milk was 2 weeks expired. I am shocked that i didnt notice that before. Honesty, I dont care about the budget anymore, I threw away that milk immediately. I'm never gonna have cereal again, I'd rather eat stail pretzels.
TL;DR: I drank 2 week old expired milk with my cereal and I was stuck on the toilet for 2 hours straight.
KrystalAthena: Oh no 😭
Although I'm curious, if you're lactose intolerant, why not soy milk, oat milk, etc?
PheonixGalaxy: Because lactose intolerance is a challenge not a warning
Source: am lactose intolerant
Catmompspsps: Same....cheese is my weakness
PheonixGalaxy: Cheddar specifically is mine
Gooey_Cookie_girl: Cheddar is lactose free. Hard cheeses are okay to eat. Soft is not.
Lactose Mom.
lpbale0: That explains some of why I am lactose intolerant I suppose but neither cheese, soft or hard, nor things like yogurt ever seem to bother me. In fact my favorite cheeses are soft I suppose; brie and chevre. A good plain old chevre with a healthy topping of fresh cracked pepper on top is just damn good eats.
Gooey_Cookie_girl: Maybe you just can't tolerate straight dairy. I see it a lot in my classroom. They eat every other dairy, but can't drink milk. It's so strange! Maybe just keep a few single serve bottles for cereal, or a small quart bottle so it's not such a hit! It's getting expensive.
| 8 | 32.25 | |
1671396270 | 1671416216 | t3_zp7wh1 | t5_2to41 | 399 | Throwawayreddit88031: TIFU by showing my GFs semi nude pic to my mom and brother.
GF and I rarely do nudes. Very occasionally she’ll send me one and on pain of death I’ll delete it after a short time. I forgot this time.
My family (Mom, brother, SIL, Gf and me) were at our house and I was showing Mom and brother pics of recent vacation on my cell. My brother was the one swiping but without properly looking, because we were also chatting.
In the middle he swiped onto my GFs topless shot whilst looking at me. Mom went “oh I don’t think that one’s for us!” Bro looked down and dropped phone like it was a hand grenade, but still showing pic. I rescued it and closed it quickly, whilst getting death stare from GF.
It didn’t get mentioned again but now GF is not speaking to me!
TL;DR my GFs nude was in the middle of vacation shots I was showing to my family
tlasan1: Make some folders mate and put dummy photos to cover the nudes. Thats how I have all my albums. Nsfw or otherwise.
Flossthief: Some phones will let you straight up lock select folders
There are also softwares available that do the same but you're basically giving them copies of all the pictures
Throwawayreddit88031: So they have access to them?
Flossthief: They don't necessarily have access to them and any decent program should be encrypted but the thought is in the back of my head--you never know with random applications
I use an app for nudes but if someone gets a random picture of my girlfriends ass it's highly unlikely they'll ever find out who she is
Throwawayreddit88031: Ok but her face was in this one. And my family definitely know who she is!
Flossthief: This is why I only ever take nudes of my girlfriend when she has the Groucho Marx glasses on
I could show the pictures to her mother and not even she would recognize her
I have one picture where she's holding a Big Mac over each tittie but her whole ass face is in that one
Throwawayreddit88031: So that’s where I went wrong. Titties and face in one pic ☹️
BreDenny: Apple has the option to add files to a “hidden” folder. You have to scroll all the way down and second to the bottom it says “hidden” with an eye symbol
| 9 | 44.333333 | |
1672259208 | 1672324971 | t3_zxjzee | t5_2to41 | 81 | Proper_Associate_791: TIFU by groping a customer I mistook as my husband
Throwaway for very obvious reasons. I work very early mornings at a department store and usually get off an hour or two after the store has been open to the public. My husband picks me up from work before heading to his own job in the afternoon.
After I’d clocked out and was on my way out of the store this morning, I noticed a man browsing through one of the racks in the men’s department who looked exactly like my husband from behind. Same height, same bald-head, same build. I made my way behind him and hugged him from the back while grabbing his chest simultaneously. He must’ve mistook me as someone else as well because he started to ask me what I thought about something he was holding and I instantly realized my mistake just by the sound of his voice.
I quickly pulled away from him, apologized profusely, and he turned and laughed and said it was fine. I was mortified. As I quickly made my way toward the door in shame, I looked back and saw a woman with a stroller approaching the man I had just fondled and she did not look amused.
I feel awful, but my husband got a kick out of it when I told him what happened once I got in the car. I’m a little over it now but I can’t help but worry about them filing a complaint of sexual assault 😭.
TLDR: I was leaving work and thought I saw my husband shopping. So trying to be cute, I hugged him from behind and groped his chest but it turned out to be an unsuspecting customer who’s gf/wife and child stood some distance away from us watching. I am now afraid that I just victimized this man in front of his family.
MotoHULK: Don't worry about charges, you're a woman. A man doing the same thing would already be in custody.
reevelainen: I think a man would have quite different initial thought about the 'attacker' though, as an adult man would propably not be worried about getting r*ped. You're right but it's not THAT double-standard IMO.
MotoHULK: Men get sexually assaulted a lot more than you might think. I know of a 6ft10 guy who got raped.
reevelainen: Yes, but if he felt that it was she hugging him, I don't think he got scared. Men are raped, yes, and if you count prisons too, the numbers are close to other genders, but his initial reaction propably wasn't _Help I'm getting r*ped_ compared to if a man would suddenly hug a woman from behind.
| 5 | 16.2 | |
1670414351 | 1670414916 | t3_zezdz0 | t5_2to41 | 10 | DJMmagician: TIFU by getting my friends birthday tattooed on my arm!
On Monday I (M 30) spent the entire day with my best friend (M 31), while we were together he even went to the effort of buying me a gift (replacement tool he accidentally broke).
during the day I get a message from his wife that I brush off and didn’t reply to as we were busy.
That night my wife and I get a picture from them and we finally figure out that it’s his birthday!! I had been with him all day and even though his wife sent a prompt to remind me (she knows what I’m like). I hadn’t released it was his birthday and therefor didn’t even say happy birthday let alone give a card or gift.
I fucked up really bad and although he said he wasn’t bothered I didn’t believe him, so the next day I decide to go and get his birth date tattooed on my arm, once I had it done I sent a picture of the tattoo with the caption (well I won’t forget it now 🤣😂)
He replied saying “You nutter 😂 This is defo a birthday present i’ll never forget!!”
This morning I Caught a glimpse of it in the shower, it’s much bigger then I though and now I am pretty sure I have made terrible decisions!!
TLDR forgot my friends birthday so I had the date tattooed on my arm.
weby113: 😂 get a cover up and get it again smaller, and in a place that doesn't always show 😂
DJMmagician: I was going to get in tiny and on my butt however my wife objected, so now I have it massive on my bicep!
| 3 | 3.333333 | |
1672260781 | 1672263702 | t3_zxknfl | t5_2to41 | 37 | [deleted]: TIFU by well idk what at this point
[deleted]
aspectofderp: Ditch this fucking deadbeat tonight and then throw a party in honor of yourself.
Striking_Major2528: Im fucking about to
MasterBaiter1914: Dooooo it. You'll make dozens of internet strangers happier and more appreciative than that miserable man will ever be
aspectofderp: Didn't think of it like that but you are 100% correct. That's fucking data.
| 5 | 7.4 | |
1672261138 | 1672324618 | t3_zxksqg | t5_2to41 | 18,529 | RagnarNoDebt: TIFU by almost offing myself by drinking too much water (trying to prove to my wife it's not hard to drink that much)
My wife and I are getting back in shape. After our work out today I had a protein shake, large ice coffee, and some water.
My wife recently bought a 64 oz big refillable water jug and remarked how it would be difficult to drink the whole thing in a day.
I've always been good at chugging, could do a 5 beer trick in college, where I could chug 5 beers in a minute. So i thought 64 oz of water should be easy.
Filled the whole thing up and said, "Honey if I can drink this in one swoop you can drink it in a day."
I started chugging, she told me to stop, didn't listen and finished the whole thing in less than a minute.
5 mins later started feeling very not right. Was very nauseous and on the verge of passing out.
Felt like my brain was swelling and kept feeling like i could drop at any second. Researched over hydration and saw it can be deadly.
Luckily my wife is a nurse and started giving me salt. Still felt like something was really wrong and I would have agreed to call 911 at this point as my brain didn't feel right.
Was walking around trying not to pass out, and eventually sat down but would jump up when i felt myself blacking out.
Eventually started peeing a lot and after a few hours started feeling better, but it was terrifying. Don't drink too much water kids.
TLDR: Don't over hydrate it can kill you. If you do, eat some salt & pee.
Edit: Drank a lot of liquids prior to chugging the 64 oz of double filtered (we have a filtration system and use a brita) cold water.
All the tough guys saying this isn't a big deal, good for you, go do it, but wouldn't recommend it.
And for the losers taking shots at my wife, who was just trying to help me, in the words of jigga, "you only get half a bar, f*ck y'all b*tches."
Marrsvolta: I wonder how many men die each year trying to prove something unimportant to their wives
dsyzdek: Um. Yes. Watched a marathon with my wife. Saw ordinary people running. I said, “
I think I can do that.”
She replied, “No way.”
Took me 18 months of training (I’ve never even run a 5k in my life) and I ran the San Francisco marathon.
Didn’t die but I felt like it. My toenails fell out and she divorced me 2 years later.
PondRides: Your toenails FELL OFF?
dsyzdek: Just a couple. They grew back.
It was alarming.
simononandon: This is why I don't understand running as exercise. You know what's as good as running but doesn't involve impacting your bones over and over and over? Bicycling. And about a hundred or so other sports.
Sure. A marathon is a nice thing to say you did. But there are so many other things I'd rather say I did that don't actively punish my body.
testearsmint: Whether or not I can convince you, my distaste for all the negativity against running in this thread and its ability to turn people off is more than I can put in words, so please take into account the text below.
Studies show time and time again that running, if anything, is preventative of things like arthritis and actually good for you. As long as you know your body, keep good form, buy a good pair of running shoes, and pace yourself when you're too tired or when it gets painful, it can do a lot of incredible good for you, just as it's done for me and my increased energy and ability to enjoy life everyday.
And yes, there are theoretically some exercises that have less potential for accidental injury, but they come with their drawbacks, too. A bike can crash or be hit by a car. Swimming may carry the least possible risk to injuring something due to the water, but even experienced swimmers can drown and the exercise may not hit all of the right notes for you in the exact way/speed you want it to.
If you're only looking for negatives, you'll be able to find them. But the truth is pick whatever exercises you like, and don't discriminate against any particular one!
(Unless, of course, it's actually actively harmful and you've researched this to be the case.)
As a final note, "punishment" is a relative term. Ex. Doing push-ups to failure is a lot of effort, exhaustion, and some pain here or there in the following days while the muscle rebuilds. But there are some really important reasons for doing it, and part of it is because the worst punishment you can inflict on your body is living a sedentary lifestyle.
PrecursorNL: Also hate running. But to be fair I appreciate your post trying to make it sound like it doesn't suck.
There are many health benefits to running for sure and a runner's high is definitely something as well.. however, there are so many other sports that are much more fun and also get you in a good shape that it's hard to justify running.
Also, it has been shown that physically (minus the part where you train your respiratory system) walking or _hiking_ will give you the same result while hiking can be much more enjoyable because say you can talk to people, watch scenery and enjoy life..
Anyway my 2cents. Personally I _really_ hate running so I'm definitely biased. I've played sports in which you had to run which I kinda liked (field hockey, soccer) but in the end I got really passionate about climbing. Bonus is that I get to go to beautiful nature spots and I train almost every muscle in my body rather than mostly legs.
testearsmint: 'Appreciate you! I try to chat whenever I'm on runs with others, but urban landscape doesn't usually have too much nature to look at in my neck of the concrete jungle.
For training everything else, I'm just doing calisthenics and a very unfulfilling retail job right now. Balance!
PrecursorNL: Now calisthenics, _thats something!_ Absolutely crazy sport... I once talked to that famous guy on insta Sonneberg or something, holy fuck those guys are so strong.
But probably on par with my hatred for running is abs workouts 😂😂 I would love to learn calisthenics but I think it's a bridge too far for me. Maybe when I get really good at climbing..
mtndew2756: Quick correction/point of comparison there, hiking and walking might net you the same benefits, but not within the same time. I run 4-6 days a week, mostly trail, so I get my time outdoors in the woods in addition to the health benefits. And I'm able to do it in limited (2 hours or less daily) time, to get the same physical benefit from hiking I'd have to be gone a lot longer.
I also enjoy competing in trail races, though I'm competing against myself and my body. This effort over the last few years has led to a mid 50's resting heart rate (I'm in my 40's) and an ability to eat most foods I want. Along the same lines as your hatred of running, I can't stand biking or swimming, I find them both incredibly dull, not to mention painful in the posterior (biking anyway). I think I would like group sports, but I'm way too lazy to coordinate with others. I like to have the ultimate flexibility on when I head out. Anyway, love my running, though I totally get its not for everyone. Also, you do need good shoes (I have 5 active pairs for specific terrain/weather) and proper form.
Now lifting... ugh. I try to do that at least 5 days a week and typically average 2. Don't get me started on legs day, I seem to get that in every 2-3 weeks, which then results in my legs being trashed for a few days.
PrecursorNL: True. But I feel like the bliss of hiking is also in taking your time and being at peace. Something that I personally don't feel while running, even if it is in nature.
mtndew2756: Totally agree, but they are not mutually exclusive. I don't know anyone who has the time to hike regularly enough (multiple times a week) and long enough each time (hours) to use it as a replacement for other types of cardio based exercise. I love to hike, most other trail runners I know are the same way. We use trail running as a way to see more of a trail in less time, in addition to exercise. That being said, I also love taking my time on a hike, its just not something I get to do (sadly) often enough.
One of my favorite recent holidays was to the mountains of northern Italy. I did some awesome trail runs, with dinners in the villages, in between family hikes. Combined some of my favorite things, specifically running, hiking, and eating. So much eating...
PrecursorNL: For sure! Time is always precious.. that's why I prefer climbing. I can do it in the gym in the city and then on weekends or holidays I'll take the time and hike in nature :)
-colorsplash-: What do you think of slower running (jogging)? It can be a nice way to get a ‘run’ in without any extreme negative effects.
PrecursorNL: I've tried it, but where I live it means going around a city full of cars and bikelanes.. not my cuppa
-colorsplash-: Ohh yeah I only enjoy good outdoors or indoor tracks
| 17 | 1,089.941176 | |
1670418458 | 1670419056 | t3_zf0pzo | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by making another friend accidentally drink my p*ss
[deleted]
bill_b4: Seems like your friend has a TIFU or two to post
chrollo_on: I feel bad man, now some of my friends are calling rami the curser. And blaming him for thinking the bottle on the ground was soda. And said he brought the curse to them. And now i probably will never hang with them again now that Seif is mad that he too drank it and will always be mad and can probably fight me for it
bill_b4: At least you didn't drink pee!
| 4 | 1 | |
1672268602 | 1672321516 | t3_zxo0ts | t5_2to41 | 24 | [deleted]: TIFU by punching someone in the face
[deleted]
ddm79: I bet that guy will give a shit from now on.
FalseHydra: Right? You shouldn’t punch people in the face, but on the other hand… some people need to get punched in the face
FrakTerra: Preach
| 4 | 6 | |
1672267063 | 1672275212 | t3_zxncu0 | t5_2to41 | 15 | BatmanHasHockeyPants: TIFU by almost causing water damage to my flat
Okay, so this is a bit of a convoluted one, so bear with me. Just happened today.
I'm a guy who's into bondage (being tied up). This is usually done with a partner, but if you're alone you have to find other ways to satisfy that urge. Since I lack the funds to pay someone to fulfill my kink, I try to tie myself up as good as possible without getting trapped forever (called selfbondage). For this you usually use some form of timed release method (ice locks which open when ice melts, electromagnets run with battery banks that run out of charge, etc.). I'm using a program on my PC which will open the CD tray after some time. This releases a small thread with the key to my restraints attached to it. Since I can't reach the PC while tied up I can only release myself once the key is dropped to the floor by the tray opening.
For security, I also have a backup release. This is very important to avoid any accidents. My backup is a key attached to a bucket full of water, which has a rope attached to it. If I pull the rope I can get the bucket down so I can get the key, but in the process I will spill a lot of water ruining my board game collection, my rug, and potentially causing water damage to my flat. This is to make sure I don't release early with the backup, but can always use it in an emergency (e.g. a fire breaks out, I've injured myself etc.). Then some water spillage is fine considering other, harmful consequences.
So, now to my fuck up. I started to apply my restraints, putting multiple locks together and as soon as I snapped the last lock shut I realized that I forgot to start the program on the PC!
So there I was, helplessly tied up on the floor seeing the key dangling over me with no chance of ever falling down. My mind started racing in panic because I knew I'd have to either pull that backup release and spill about 12 liters of water or wait for a few hours and have an embarrassing conversation with my flatmate, who would return in approximately 6 hours (this is my secondary backup, always make sure someone will be home before I dehydrate). At first, I thought waiting would be the least bad option.
However, after about three hours my leg started to cramp. And in the position I was in this was only going to get worse. So after fighting with myself for about 10 minutes I decided to pull the backup release.
As I started to gently pull on the rope I found out that another fuckup by me happened today. As it turns out I didn't attach my backup key properly. When I pulled the rope tight the key detached from the bucket and fell down next to me, without the bucket falling off. I let out a loud audible sigh (as good as I could through the gag) because I was already bracing for a wave of cold water to flood my belongings. I quickly undid all my restraints and started typing this post, because oh boy would this have been bad if I hadn't fucked up twice.
As it's always good to learn from things, I'll have a checklist ready for these occasions from now on so I don't forget to arm the release. I'll also add another timed release, not dependent on power, which will not be as destructive as my current primary backup.
Warning which I usually add to my selfbondage posts: ALWAYS have as many release methods as you can possibly have, but at least two. Selfbondage by its very nature is very dangerous and has to be done with the greatest of care. My fuckups today have humbled me a lot, since my backup could also have failed with the improperly attached key, leaving me trapped with cramps for a few hours and having my room flooded.
TL;DR: My primary release for selfbondage failed, so I had to use a backup release which would flood my room with 12l of water. Luckily I didn't attach the backup key properly so I could get it without spilling the water.
dimestoredavinci: So did you get your fap in, or was this all in jest?
Also, I can't imagine having such an elaborate kink. I am far too lazy
BatmanHasHockeyPants: I did not. Got far too panicked for that.
| 3 | 5 | |
1670421681 | 1670446545 | t3_zf1txa | t5_2to41 | 432 | [deleted]: TIFU by booking a stool test during a Teams meeting
[deleted]
CompetitiveAd1600: Reminds me of when I once went into a meeting while my bf was pooping. I was not on mute when he came out of the toilet and described his poop („that was some fabulous sht“ kinda like). I didn’t hear him because of my headset but I think everyone else did
AcrobaticSource3: Many headsets have built in microphones that only get sound from nearby, so there’s a chance that no one else heard. To find out, at the next meeting you should ask the group if anyone heard your bf describe his satisfaction at his own shit last time
CompetitiveAd1600: That’s good to know honestly, I didn’t ask after I found out and just hoped no one will bring it up and so far no one has so maybe they really didn’t hear it. But I guess I’ll never find out
| 4 | 108 | |
1672270275 | 1672957509 | t3_zxoqmm | t5_2to41 | 1,487 | throwcatincident: TIFU by not locking my cat out of my bedroom when I had a date over
Throwaway because obviously.
So the pandemic has been rough for me, dating wise. I live alone so I kind of just turned into a recluse for the first year, and then got too used to the lack of interaction that it became scary to try to get back out there. Basically I self isolated and haven't gotten laid since pre covid.
I finally decided recently that it's time for me to start dating again. Not gonna lie, it was mostly because all my single friends were having fun active sex lives and I wasn't. So I reopened tinder for the first time in years. I actually live in an area with a lot of people my age so there were a lot of eligible bachelor's so to speak. I still felt so nervous and uncomfortable about trying to hook up with someone I just met on an app and considered forgetting the whole thing. Then I saw someone I graduated high school with. We didn't interact back then but knew of each other and I thought he was perfect because I wouldnt be as scared or uncomfortable since I knew exactly who he was. Bonus, he's very good looking. I match with him and we chat for a bit, I'm pretty forward and admit that I'm pretty much looking for hookups because I haven't dated since pre covid and I invite him over to "hang out".
Like i said i live alone. My apartment is clean and inviting, I have a queen sized bed, condoms in the bedside drawer, and a towel stashed nearby. I put on a cute underwear set and hype myself up. I'm ready.
He gets to my place, i offer a beer, we sit on the couch and I put on a TV show. We chat, I try to will myself to stop sweating so much, and eventually go in for a kiss. You know where this is going. Etc, we move to my bedroom.
Here's where my cat comes in. He can be your angle or your devil if you'll excuse the expression. He's very chill and just sleeps 95% of the time. The other 5% he goes crazy, runs around the apartment the spastic way cats do, and plays with his many toys (he's spoiled).
I wasn't even thinking about my cat at this point, because again, he usually just sleeps and that's what he was doing, so it didn't even cross my mind as to where he was in my apartment. When me and guy got to my bedroom, I didn't close the door because, again, I live alone.
Things escalate (in the best way) and we're in the middle of the business. I'm thrilled, life is great. And then, the incident.
Apparently in the middle of our "activity", my cat decided it was time for his 5% crazy time. He ran into my room and jumped up on the bed. Me and guy pause for a second, startled, and I'm like "oh my god I'm so sorry" and figure I'll just kick kitty out and close the door and we can continue.
Well my cat can move a lot faster than me. Before guy could get off of me so I could get up and remove cat, cat had already struck. Guy screams bloody murder. Cat runs away. I realize what's just happened. I suppose through a cats eyes, testicles look a lot like toys. And the way they hang there is very enticing. And my cat has very sharp claws.
I'm mortified. I profusely apologize and ask if he's okay and if he needs ice or gauze or anything. Guy refuses all offers, just clutching his precious jewels in pain. We sit there naked in painful silence (other than guys labored breathing) for what feels like forever until he finally says "I gotta go home"
I continue to apologize and ask if he wants anything as we get dressed, he starts to laugh it off a little bit but is clearly still in pain and can't bring himself to look at me, gets his stuff and leaves.
Now I'm just at home with my cock blocking cat, hoping this guy doesnt like to gossip and isn't in touch with anyone else from high school.
TL;DR: Was hooking up with a guy and my cat decided his nutsack looked like a fun toy.
No_Suspect_599: I think it might be time to throw the cat away :’)
[deleted]: Like for real, no cat should go “crazy” unless it doesn’t have enough space to be truly 100% active
throwcatincident: Lol seriously dude have you met cats? Or just seen internet videos of cats? They like to randomly dart around the house and get excited and playful, in multi cat households they'll even wrestle each other, it's normal cat behavior.
Its_Ok_Im_An_Aussie: Both of these people suck. This is a great story you’ll laugh at in the future. I’m laughing right now though 😂
No_Suspect_599: It was a joke, dear lord
Its_Ok_Im_An_Aussie: It was? Where’s the funny part?
No_Suspect_599: Throwing out the cat because there’s no sane person that would do that. I hope you made a new year’s resolution to get a sense of humor, you need one :)
Its_Ok_Im_An_Aussie: Bro your joke was shit if it can even be considered a joke. Anyway, peace
| 9 | 165.222222 | |
1672270589 | 1672271745 | t3_zxovdz | t5_2to41 | 24 | [deleted]: TIFU BY HOOKING UP WITH A GOOD FRIEND GIRLFRIEND UNKNOWINGLY ON TINDER
[deleted]
n0Pickles: So first you named the other college by saying Ann Arbor and it’s a Big 10 college but not the one in Ann Arbor.
You did nothing wrong. You told him, he understands.
_someTastyPizza: He works in Ann Abor. Ann Abor is a city and not a college . He is did not finish from UMICH just to for clarity.
n0Pickles: Yeah I’m aware of that. It’s what colleges are there and not far apart that I’m referencing
| 4 | 6 | |
1672271426 | 1672301311 | t3_zxp7yv | t5_2to41 | 11 | melskymob: TIFU by spilling bong water on my grandmother.
The holidays are super stressful right? Especially when you are hosting out of town family, which me and my wife currently are.
We have my grandparents staying with us as well as my uncle and aunt and two cousins (24 and 30).
My parents have more family also staying with them and all of them have been over to our house the last couple days.
So this morning everyone was over (about twenty of us in all). It's been snowing like crazy here and everything is frozen which is nice for keeping drinks outside to be cold which we do all the time. We keep our cooler out on our upstairs outside patio.
So we were all getting ready to head out for the day to do a bunch of fun family activities and I went to grab the cooler with all the drinks for the day. It's snowy everywhere so I had to basically pry the cooler out of the snow, as I do so I hear a glass clank against the railing and then liquid pouring. I then hear my aunt scream down below.
It was a bong that was resting against the cooler, clearly recently used as the water was not frozen. I know it's not mine nor my wife's but I am mortified none the less.
Currently we are cleaning grandma up and trying to figure out who's it was (I'm guessing my cousin's).
TL;DR spilling bong water but don't know who it belongs to.
yeetskeetcallthecops: Whoever brought the bong, should be thanking you. You just saved them from shattering their bong and making it unusable. But man that’s rank, that’s definitely not your fuck up though. That’s on whatever idiot decided to leave the bong resting against the cooler they know people were using ti store drinks.
melskymob: It was actually my wife's come to find out. She has been super stressed out with the family here and has been token up outside to deal with the stress. Usually she does edibles but needed to switch to something that works instantly. She had left it outside like five minutes before I went out to grab the cooler. She had planned on smoking again right before we were leaving and forgot to tell me.
We all had a good laugh. Luckily it was fresh water.
yeetskeetcallthecops: Well that’s good at least haha. At least she wasn’t planning to leave it outside for any longer then a few minutes ! I’ve broke my own heart by forgetting to dump a bong out after a smoke sesh and it shattering when it thaws! At least everyone was able to have a laugh about the situation!
| 4 | 2.75 | |
1672272632 | 1672273753 | t3_zxpqhd | t5_2to41 | 11 | The_True_Autist: TIFU. Netflix. Weed. Awkward Situation.
I don't even know where to begin. Let's start with the Netflix.
Netflix account is like 6 years old and I have passed this account all the way through college, to family members, to exs.... wonder why they are cracking down on password sharing. My profile is the default but some people created other accounts.
I went on a wonderful date: nice restaurant, nice drinks afterward, decided to chill at a hotel with Netflix and chill if you know what I mean.
Incoming weed. Now I don't do weed much anymore after college, it messes with my mind. Paranoia like you can never believe, social anxiety, I need a nice confined area. When I'm sober my mind drives me crazy, thinking of every possible thing with every event. For example, I may have crossed the wrong people in the past who may have been Russians. Door dash driver delivers to me at a hotel who happens to have a Russian name. Sober me considers it a possibility but is rational enough to know its extremely unlikely and not to react on it. Weed me goes crazy often fully believing whatever idea comes to my head.
Netflix was going awesome, ate an edible and high is going on. Movie is over and looking for something else. Then the worst possible thing happened... like I'm trying to forget this.
Kid movies straight up and down the que. It looked like I was a weirdo. I was shocked and my weed brain is telling me she think I'm a weirdo. Of course since my brain believes it, it must be true and I must get ahead of the situation.
You ever been in a place where you try so hard defend yourself but only makes you more guilty. I tried to spearhead the awkwardness created in my mind and let them know a ton of people use my Netflix account and I do not spend hours on end a day watching kid shows.
Of course she's suspicious as fuck at this point and I tried even harder to defend it. Just back and forth super awkward tension that may have gone for like 30 minutes. The date ended here, what felt like hours but was only 10 minutes was the most awkward tense feeling I ever had to be in a room with someone. She left shortly after.
Tldr ruined a great date night by signing onto my Netflix account. Other people use the account and endless kid shows appeared there. May have dug my grave and making me look like a weirdo.
nsanity27: If it makes you that paranoid and anxious then why do you consume it? Also it would’ve been no big deal to just say a friend’s kid used your Netflix account and went onto your profile instead of the dedicated one for the friend which it seems like you knew that’s exactly what happened and ask for a suggestion from your date
The_True_Autist: Only on rare occasions when the situation is right. I went many many years where weed didn't mess with me even with high consumption. Now I cave under all the anxiety if I have too much
nsanity27: Fair enough. Maybe look into getting help for your anxiety and mental health though if you’re a somewhat paranoid person even when sober though
The_True_Autist: ADHD brain that sometimes takes over
GaWdLy1: Weird is made weirder on weed, is made even weirder on edibles.
...is why I don't tend to use. lol
| 6 | 1.833333 | |
1670424192 | 1670563302 | t3_zf2sqf | t5_2to41 | 847 | Its_Mills: TIFU by splashing soap on a older lady
Today I went cleaning my car, it was extremely dirty and one of my friends told me there was manual car wash nearby
(I just moved there so I didn't knew to much about locations and all.
And as you maybe know, there are normally three modes: Water, soap, water)
So I put some Penny's in there and started washing my car, it only has like 3 Minutes for every mode, when the soap was done, (it always splashes out little drops because of the high pressure) I admired my now soapy car which already looked alit cleaner, puting the pipe thingy over my shoulder, not realising that a elderly Woman was standing right behind me getting all the soap splashed over her, I didn't even realize until her husband shook my shoulder.
All her clothes were soaked and I feel so bad
TL;DR TIFU by splashing soap all over an elderly woman without realising and completely soaking her clothes
runswithdolls: No, no, that's her fault, entirely.
BangBangMeatMachine: Yeah. Stupid bystanders being in public doing nothing! They should know better than to be in the path of careless strangers spraying soap. It's the people recklessly spewing their messes around who are the real victims.
runswithdolls: .... She was literally at the car wash. What did she think the walls between the car spots are for? Decoration?
No, no, it's entirely reasonable to stand on the open end of the *car wash port* and expect to stay dry. /s
BangBangMeatMachine: You're imagining a lot of details about this location that the OP didn't specify. Maybe it had one or more automated stalls and they were waiting for their car to come through. Maybe it was connected to a gas station and they were waiting for someone to unlock the propane container cage. You don't know anything about the layout of the place and you assume the worst of her.
runswithdolls: The "3 minute soap and water for coins" places are the ones with stalls. Have you never washed your car before?
BangBangMeatMachine: I have. One such paybox was in the basement of a condo unit. One such paybox was outside an automated carwash. Literally anyone can buy and install this system.
runswithdolls: Hmm, I can't seem to find any pictures of anything like that. The only coin operated washing systems (not vacuum system) I've ever seen is the type in bays at a coin operated car wash facility.
Either way, why was the husband tapping OP on the shoulder instead of getting his wife out of the way? If they're waiting for the car wash, why aren't they paying attention? None of your arguments make any sense to me.
BangBangMeatMachine: I mean, why does it matter? They didn't do anything wrong. They were just there. He's the one splashing strangers in public. Reacting calmly or even abnormally to being splashed doesn't somehow make them at fault.
runswithdolls: He was washing his car ffs. Don't stand next to someone washing their car and you won't get wet. Situational awareness saves lives
🌈The more you know 🌠
BangBangMeatMachine: Yep, keep on blaming that victim.
runswithdolls: Uh yeah, in this case I will, thanks.
BangBangMeatMachine: Main character syndrome.
| 13 | 65.153846 | |
1672274504 | 1672276812 | t3_zxqhwm | t5_2to41 | 22 | [deleted]: TIFU by bring my a friend over to watch a show
[deleted]
Clutch63: It’s super sus that you guys “watched a tv show” by yourselves until 1am without texting anyone back, even your significant others. It’s kinda disrespectful to both your relationships as well, even more so with the fact that you guys dated at one point.
Illustrious-Low-9027: she's autistic an the show is a big hyperfixation for her so we did just kinda watch it for hours. We only realised the time when we did check our phones. an my partner knew it was happening and was okay with it.
| 3 | 7.333333 | |
1670410528 | 1670483168 | t3_zey8yj | t5_2to41 | 13 | Meeting-Altruistic: Tifu by saying I love you
This will probably be the worse memory of my life that caused a chain reaction of events that made my life miserable for two and a half years.
This was back when I was still with my ex.
We had just started dating, so we were still fresh into the whole relationship thing, not really even DTR’d yet. So maybe seeing each other more than five times but less than 10.
I had been on the dating scene for so long that I got to the point where when I got with him I knew he’d be the last guy I dated …..cos then I’d just die alone.
So one day I go to his place, we pick up some of his friends and go to his cousins place for the evening to just hang out.
That’s when it happened. The worst mistake of my life.
He was driving my car and he wanted to do something stupid on the road like race the guy next to us or something, and I said it “I love you but……” honestly the last part escapes me. It was something like I love you but don’t you dare, or I love you but don’t be stupid…
It was one of those phrases you use in English so naturally “I love you but…” (only me? )
I regretted it the moment I said it because I didn’t mean it. Id only been seeing this man for maybe a month by then. And I felt so stupid after saying it because to him it meant more than just words to me because all he heard was I love you.
This unfortunately caused the beginning of misery for me. And truth be told, at the time i thought “fuck it” at least I’m not single anymore, Ill just deal with all the bullfuckery that was going on in my life, because that’s what people did. They got into relationships and worked at it and worked at it and worked. So I thought that’s just what I had to do.
Eventually the feeling of love came? Maybe? Still don’t know… maybe it was more of a feeling of dependency since he made me so broke and owed me so much money that I felt the only reason to stay was so he could pay me back.
I was stupid. Another tifu
To this day I don’t know if I ever really loved him, or I just didn’t want to be alone.
I did eventually leave him when I lost my job. When I had no way of supporting myself I thought I’d rather struggle like this alone than have him trying to help in our relationship and I’m utter miserable.
Lesson learned.
TL;DR
I said “I love you but…” to the guy I was seeing and had me stuck in a narcissistic emotionally manipulative relationship for two and a half years. But I made it out!
papissdembacisse: What are u up to nowadays?
Meeting-Altruistic: Living my best life in another country. Traveling a lot and meeting so many new people it’s been amazing
| 3 | 4.333333 | |
1672275467 | 1672342556 | t3_zxqvug | t5_2to41 | 4 | vrpornfuckup: TIFU by leaving my VR headset next to a bottle of lube
For context, I am in a happy relationship for 3.5 years but we haven't had sex in a little while and she did not know I was watching VR porn nor masturbating.
After enjoying breakfast with my GF (i didn't thank her) and her mum who is visiting for the holidays, I went to the master bedroom's ensuite to shower and have a quick wank. I felt adventurous and safe today so I even decided to experiment with VR porn whilst the GF was clearing up.
After doing the deed, I left my bottle of lube (lovehoney water based - i rate 5/5) and VR controls out on display and just hopped in to the shower. That's when my GF opened the door and walked in to use the toilet whilst I showered. She sees the bottle of lube and asks why it's here.
I sheepishly say "for jerking off" to which she replies "we'll talk about this later". I feel relieved because she seemed to have focused only on the lube and not the VR controllers.
The rest of day goes like normal which puts me at a false sense of security. As we are driving to a restaurant to eat out, just me and her. She asked "so what were the VR controls doing next to the lube?"
Long story short it was a painful and embarrassing 20 minute drive of me explaining how I am masturbating to VR porn. To add salt to injury, she spends the rest of the evening making VR and porn jokes at my expense.
TL;DR I fucked up by showing my GF I jerk off to VR porn by leaving it next to a bottle of lube. I might be banned from using my VR headset for the forseeable future
Lokivstheworld: Are you 16 years old and your girlfriend is your mom? That would be the only explanation of why you would be "banned" from using it.
cdwZero: Not really some women be like that.
Lokivstheworld: They need to be told to stop being entitled and controlling. When a child does something wrong, we reprimand them and tell them what they did wrong and why it's wrong. Why don't we do this with adults?
| 4 | 1 | |
1672277633 | 1672310236 | t3_zxrr41 | t5_2to41 | 23 | imamuffin18: TIFU by getting myself friendzoned to someone who may have been 'The One'
This was a couple days ago, but I only realized where I am today.
We've all been there; we've all gotten friend-zoned. This time was different though; I really, REALLY liked this girl. For the first time in a long time, I actually felt giddy around her. I wasn't depressed and I actually couldn't wait to be around this girl. She's all I could think about for the past two weeks; I can't even focus on work; that's how much I liked her.
She invited me to her apartment and we ordered Chinese food (she paid; she wouldn't let me pay her back no matter how much I insisted). We ate, we did a couple edibles, we put on the Princess Bride. At one point in the night, she told me that she just got out of a serious relationship and she didn't want to lead me anywhere. Whereas I SHOULD'VE said 'we can take things as slow as we needed to' or something along those lines. I actually said "no worries. Tonight we're just two friends hanging out" or something along those lines.
I tried texting her yesterday; she never responded. Summbitch; how could I be so STUPID?
TL;DR: I said I'd rather be friends out of fear because I wanted to respect boundaries; I could've done it differently. Now I'm friend zoned by someone who could've The One.
MarryMeDuffman: There is no friend 'zone.'
You're just a friend, like everyone else. If you think that's something you're being subjected to like some kind of purgatory, you need to think about it again.
RavynRydge666: There is no friend zone. But if there were, he put himself there by saying they were just two friends lol
| 3 | 7.666667 | |
1670429637 | 1670447212 | t3_zf5711 | t5_2to41 | 388 | dsjskskksaloal: TIFU by watching so much Family Guy that I had a psychotic break
So about a year ago I went through a massive Family Guy phase. I don’t know why, I had only watched family guy a few times before but for some reason I started to believe Family Guy was the funniest show on earth. My best friend at the time also started to go through a Family Guy phase, because every time I went over to his house I’d make him put it on.
Anyways, one day I was hanging out with my friend. This was during my college Winter break so I had a whole month off. Since I had a month off I could stay over at my friends place for as long as we could stand to be in each other’s presence. For some reason, because we had all this spare time, I came up with the idea to watch Family Guy in its entirety.
We thought it’d be easy. We had a 2nd TV set up where we could run up video games. At this point we were playing Minecraft pretty much all the time, so we could play that while we watched Family Guy. Minecraft really doesn’t take too much attention so we’d be able to give most of our attention to the cinematic masterpiece unfolding on the other adjacent TV.
One issue with our plan to watch family guy in its entirety was that the show is like 6-7 days long in its total runtime. So me and my friend decided to leave it running 24/7, who cares if we miss a season or 2 overnight. Anyways, I didn’t realize Family guy wasn’t the best show to sleep next to, because it’ll pretty much wake you up over and over again. Well me, being the OCD prick I am told myself I couldn’t turn it off no matter what, I HAD to finish this Family Guy challenge. For 4 days I got little to no sleep; If I had to guess I’d say I got 1 hour of sleep total in those 4 days.
On day 5, the lack of sleep started to take a toll on me. I started to hallucinate and hear the family guy characters talking, I could’ve sworn Peter Griffin was in my best friend’s closet. As the day progressed, so did the severity of my psychosis. I went from Peter Griffin in the closet to I am in Family Guy. I started to believe I was in a Family Guy episode, my friend was Brain, his sister was Meg. I remember waking up my friend to ask him if Stewie was okay. My friend being the asshole he is thought this was hilarious, but my mental state was getting worse.
After about an hour of this I started getting paranoid. I guess I’m terrified of the Herbert molester guy, because I started to believe Herbert the pervert from Family Guy was spying on me through the windows. This then progressed to me believing my friends were helping Herbert out which led to me getting violent. One thing leads to the next, I get taken to the ER for sleep deprivation and psychotic symptoms. I’m
better now, I’m over my Family guy phase as I’m now watching Rick and Morty. THE END
TL;DR: Sleep deprivation and Family guy put me into a state of psychosis, I started getting violent and ended up in the ER
Valerioo1028: Yeah, it's called family guy sindrome, it's a tough battle, reading all this i'm assuming you're maybe at the third stage, don't get past 5th man... i'm sending my prayers to you and your beloved ones
dsjskskksaloal: Is there hope for people like us 😢
IanJFerguson: Just start making your own random pop culture references in everyday life a la “this is more ______ than when ______ did ______” you’ll realize how easy it is to write in this format and simultaneously realize what a crap show FG is. Baddabing baddaboom cured.
Yuugian: That sounds hard. Can i just get a manatee to do it for me?
IanJFerguson: They unionized and rates went way up.
| 6 | 64.666667 | |
1670429839 | 1670439554 | t3_zf5anh | t5_2to41 | 1 | [deleted]: TIFU By taking a call from my ex.
[deleted]
MotoHULK: If she dumped you over a phone call where you made it clear you were with someone, she was.lookjnh for an excuse to dump you and she's been cheating on you for months.
No woman ever dumps without at least having the next guy lined up.
You dodged TWO bullets, dawg.
MotoHULK: Love the downloads for being on OP's side.
andywalker76: No, it's not that you are on OP's side (though you are clearly not and are a raging incel), it's how you've generalised every woman in existence, which is pretty shitty. I feel very sorry for the girls that you patronise (or stalk!) in your spare time.
>Love the downloads for being on OP's side.
And what the fuck are you downloading? "Stalkers guide to the galaxy"?
MotoHULK: Lol, I speak from having mentored hundreds of men, and this is consistently the pattern. Funny that you need to personally attack me and white knight for women you don't know.
I stand by what I said, because it's true. Only simps and incels believe otherwise.
andywalker76: >and white knight for women you don't know.
Really not, I just know a shitty human being when I see one (you, not OP).
If you were on OP's side and not a misogynist, you would have recognised that his problem was that his girl friend was not on the same page as him and his only fuck up was misjudging the strength of his relationship.
MotoHULK: 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
andywalker76: I'm glad you find the irony of your stupidity hilarious 👍
| 8 | 0.125 | |
1672280739 | 1672328810 | t3_zxsygq | t5_2to41 | 11 | Zan_korida: TIFU by doing the first thing that comes to mind
TL;DR I encouraged someone to follow through on their intrusive thought to say the N-word and was promptly server muted
So I was in a discord call with a bunch of people. We were having a normal conversation until this girl brings up that she has an intrusive thought. I think this thought was just walking outside and saying the N-word. Now while people were kindly explaining to her that this was one of those thoughts you just put in the back of your mind and never acknowledged again, I had the bright idea to loudly yell for her to do it. Then when everyone was going "what no! Thats a horrible idea" I brought up the fact that I, has a black man, would gladly give her the "Pass"
So now I'm not allowed to talk. Apparently promising I wouldn't encourage people to say a racial slur isn't enough to get me unbanned. Infact, I don't think anything I say is getting me unmuted. And according to one of the staff (Roblox server themed around a military game) I'm probably going to be server muted permanently.
I got no excuses, the only thing to take away from this is that you shouldn't do the first thing that comes to your mind.
Please do not upvote this, I get I posted this, but I did not post this for tens of thousands of people to see.
AcrobaticSource3: One thing you gotta learn is that even if *you* don’t find something that is offensive to be offensive (even if giving someone a one time pass), it doesn’t mean that other people won’t find the offensive thing to be offensive. And that non-black people can find the N-word offensive, and the fact that a black man doesn’t find it offensive (even if for this one time) doesn’t hold any extra weight because the offensive thing is normally directed at you
Squigglepig52: My view is that black people can say it whenever they feel like it. Them using it doesn't really offend me.
Other people using it is the issue.
I do agree giving somebody a pass to say is a huge issue, though. Piss poor precedent.
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1672280676 | 1672302527 | t3_zxsxjt | t5_2to41 | 91 | Nurs3Rob: TIFU by hiring a contractor to tell me I hadn't turned on a switch.
Okay so the title kinda spills it but I'll tell the story all the same. TLDR at the bottom.
This story actually did happen today, actually just a little while ago, so the shame is still deep in my heart. It starts this morning while I was attempting to adjust the temperature in my house and my thermostat just up and dies. I tried to fix it but it's done for. No heat or A/C until it's fixed and since this is south Texas we kind of needed both today. But I'm relatively handy so we'll just buy a new one and fix this.
We end up spending the day out just doing family stuff and along the way I pick up a new thermostat. I opted for a fancy wifi enabled smart device type thing that not only looks cool but can apparently read my mind and make sure the house is always at the proper temperature. I have some doubts about its telepathic powers but it looks cool so I bought it.
We got home around dinner and I get straight to work. First things first I watch a video online on how to install it. Unfortunately my house has older wiring so there are some extra steps but it seems easy enough. I decide to head up to the attic to install the first part. This ends up requiring my wife's help due to small spaces but she's good with tools and able to squeeze into the space required so we get that wired up pretty quickly. Next we head back downstairs to wire up and install the actual thermostat which goes really quickly and we're ready to flip the breaker on and......nothing. Just nothing.
The next hour is spent rechecking and rewiring everything we've just done. There are 10,000 trips up and down the stairs. My hand starts getting chafed from the number of times I've flipped the breaker on and off to check things. My brother in law, who's a general contractor in another state, is called and consulted. He has interesting but ultimately not helpful thoughts. Finally I cave and call my HVAC guy. Thank you Jesus he's nearby and although on his way somewhere he'll u-turn and come see me real quick.
My guy, we'll call him Saul, finally pulls up. It's late, I'm tired, and everybody is miserable. But Saul is an HVAC genius who's been bailing me out for 15 years so we're good. I explain to Saul what's going on and we head inside. He does a quick check over of the thermostat, wiring seems okay, but there's no power running to it. He heads up to the attic. It's not even 10 seconds later and "hey, did you try closing this door switch before you powered it on or no?"
My jaw drops....the door switch.
Now for the uninitiated the door switch is a switch that cuts power the furnace when the side panel is opened. It's a safety thing so you're not in there working on live electrical parts. I'm familiar with the overall concept but hadn't considered that my furnace had one. I'd also left the panel wide open the whole time because I never close stuff back up until I'm sure my work is good. It's kind of a bad habit.
He pushes the switch in and everything comes to life. So now the problem is fixed but I'm definitely an idiot. Saul calls down that he'll check over my wiring real quick before he closes everything up. I'm hoping he takes his time so that I can come up with something good to tell my wife. That hope is dashed about 20 seconds later when I hear my wife from the other room: "Hey (big brother), it was the door switch. He needed to put the side panel back on first." There may or may not have been laughing IRL but there definitely was in my head. Saul comes down from the attic and announces it all looks good. I sheepishly ask how much and he declines payment. "I'll just tack it on the next time you have a problem." It's generous of him and eases the sting a bit. I see Saul out, put away my tools, and slink off to my office to eat a cold dinner and share my shame online.
TLDR: Replaced house thermostat. Didn't work. Ended up calling professional who shows up and points out that there's a switch on the furnace that needs to be closed in order for it to get power. Much shame for missing little thing.
myleftone: We had a contractor tell us over the phone to check the switch (in this case the burner safety switch by the cellar door), or he could come over to check it, for the minimum charge.
Contractors just know. It’s been Christmas, mothers-in-law have visited, and they tend to mess with everything. It turned out one of them was looking for the kitchen lights.
They also fucked up the fridge temp as usual (trying to get ice) and the universal remote. It took too long to program and I’m not going through that again.
ThePresidentsNipples: Sir I think you're confusing raccoons for in-laws, its quite common actually.
canyousayexpendable: Nah, man. My FIL brought a screwdriver to our house and tightened the screws on all our doorknobs. It was mostly fine, except he tightened the screws so much on the sliding glass door latches that the door was hard to open/close. I thought it was a weird thing to do to someone else's house, but it was just the beginning...
| 4 | 22.75 | |
1672281528 | 1672321255 | t3_zxt9ao | t5_2to41 | 19 | JD1548: TIFU by mistaking a random girl for my doctor
So I was going to the doctor for a routine physical. Eventually, I was told to bring a sample of my urine to the doctor. The doctor said she’d be waiting for me. After I was done pissing into the test cup, I get out of the bathroom and I thought I saw my doctor right out there in front of me. I was looking halfway down so I only saw a white coat. I told her I was done and went to give her my urine sample.
Then I hear her say “Um… I’m not a doctor”. I look up and see that it is a random girl who was also waiting outside the bathroom to do the urine test. I was super embarrassed and she told me it’s alright and started laughing.
I’m just glad my mother was in the waiting room cause I would’ve been extra embarrassed. After she goes into the bathroom, I speed walked into the room my doctor was in.
TLDR: Tried to give a girl my urine sample thinking she was my doctor and found out she wasn’t.
Chilishot: Maybe start with a coffee date first.
The whole pee thing comes way way later.
DogWearingABeanie: There's all sorts of liquid involved with that stage
| 3 | 6.333333 | |
1672297142 | 1672821536 | t3_zxtk1i | t5_2to41 | -4 | mistamistatea: Watching their father die of rabies would be way more traumatic. It sucks, but she's right, it's not worth the risk.
ShardAerliss: How are there still people on the internet who think possums are likely rabies vectors??
angry_old_dude: The average person isn't going to know much, if anything, about possums, so they're not going to know that they're unlikely to be rabid.
mistamistatea: Yep, not a possumologist, whoops.
| 4 | -1 | |
1672286413 | 1672287693 | t3_zxv1ys | t5_2to41 | -3 | burner-asdasdqw: TIFU by making fun of my crush's dead father
So I'm, a University student that has recently befriended a person that is often in my classes and later developed a crush on. I became great friends with him and I had only been about a month since we actually became friends however we knew each other 3 years prior to our friendship. When we became friends, I found out that he had an eating disorder and that she occasionally cut himself. So as The reason being his father that had passed 5 years prior to present day and hasn't been as happy since.
I tried comforting him by making my presence be know, listing ways to get over his passing by making a larger social network that is willing to be there with him. He is incredibly handsome however lacks self-esteem, which is why he has very few friends and isn't the most extroverted person. Regardless I wanted to comfort him and I wanted him to stop cutting himself. His mother is quite patronizing and doesn't care about his mental health, which has proceeded to more insecurities. From what I know, his father raised him whilst his mother worked, which is why he feels so connected to him. After suggesting more ways to find happiness in other things, he eventually calmed down. Eventually my dumbass asked him if he wanted to hear a controversial opinion of mine, in which he said to tell him.
I told him that his father wasn't coming back, and there are many other people like him. And he could find other people that are just like him, other people could make him happy and that he shouldn't harm himself because of his death. He got angry by this and he blew up on me. Saying that it was his father and there won't be another, and other people aren't the same. I was initially justifying myself when he first blew up. However, after he let out more of his feelings, I realized what how badly I fucked up and immediately apologized.
Since then he has saved parts of the conversations where I am seemed like a heartless bitch posted it on his private story. Multiple people have went to verbally abuse me. I still believe that my concept it correct but I worded it harshly, I did not intend to talk shit on his father. Its currently Christmas break and our mutual friend told me to leave him alone and he won't be mad at me anymore, however I do not want our relationship of the person I've liked for 2 years now to end like this and I don't know what to do
TL;DR Made fun of my crush's father and now our blooming romance has come to an end
AutomaticJump5555: And where's the part when you "made fun" of his father? I mean it is true, his father will never come back. Maybe you can keep your distance from him for a while? Dealing with mentally ill people can be a neverending task and your relationship with them may never work out, what you can do for him is to find some resources for him to get a therapist.
burner-asdasdqw: The part where I made fun of his father isn't included in the post but what I actually said was that he wasn't anything special, which were his words not mine - and he does currently have a therapist. Thank you for your reply!
| 3 | -1 | |
1672286406 | 1672289478 | t3_zxv1qk | t5_2to41 | 13 | InfluenceImmediate57: Tifu by showing interest in a guy.
I (fem 18) have had a long history of ghosting guys this year. No one has really wowed me enough to spend more time on them. Then I met this guy (18) who seemed to be a great guy. He’s funny,sweet, genuine and overall pretty attractive. We’ve had a lot in common and i’ve enjoyed our deep talks. I started to show interest and now we are only two weeks in (talking). He already making innuendos about loving me. Using a certain emoji to say it instead of outright saying it. I have expressed that I cannot deal with such because that scares me away tbh. He will go on rants about how amazing, beautiful, perfect I am but at some point we gotta stop. He seems obsessed and I don’t even feel like I know barely anything about him. It’s gone to the point he told his mother about me and she got ahold of my number…. needless to say, he’s great but this isn’t going to work. Now ghosting him seems a tad bit harder now. Advice?
TL;DR- A guy is a tad bit in love with me and now i’m struggling to ghost him
redbucket75: Well you're either deleting his number, blocking him, and never seeing him again - or you're not. There's no other way to "ghost".
If you're not comfortable with that, tell him you've appreciated his friendship but aren't interested in a romantic relationship - so if he's cool with that you'd like to hang out as friends, but if he's not cool with that it's ok and you can both move on?
InfluenceImmediate57: it’s so hard to have these convos bc i know he won’t take it well 😭
redbucket75: Yep some things are hard, you can do it tho
| 4 | 3.25 | |
1670437196 | 1670464767 | t3_zf8ycv | t5_2to41 | 91 | wet-jeff: TIFU by trying to be smart
You know what? It's not the first time I've had this FU. I thought I knew better than this.
I went to the gym this morning and had a nice workout. Great. This is a good start to the day.
My FU is when I came home and decided I wanted to have a protein shake with my breakfast. And with breakfast I almost always have a cup of coffee.
I am an engineer. And my engineering brain is very lazy and hates doing dishes. Instead of making a separate protein drink, I looked at my hot cup of morning Joe and smiled like an idiot as I dumped a full scoop of vanilla protein powder in there.
Tastes great. But given maybe 10 minutes, my stomach starts to sound like a stampede of bulls.
I'll spare yall the details, but know that I was in constant fear of sharting myself during my morning meaning. Thankfully I work from home and was being very careful to mute my microphone, but I'm pretty sure some of my neighbors heard my struggling.
Tldr I mixed coffee and protein powder and got immediate explosive diarrhea.
wet-jeff: Could also have something to do with the disgusting amount of fried chilli I put on my toast...
Abdlomax: Much more likely. Protein powder with coffee should be innocuous. Not really a bad idea except that they may not mix easily. And it all may be a coincidence.
im_thatoneguy: Yeah. I recently had a few surgeries so getting calories into my body without any of the restrictions was made simple by leaning on Meal Replacement shakes. Mixed the vanilla ones into my decaf to great success.
| 4 | 22.75 | |
1672287893 | 1672309937 | t3_zxvl0g | t5_2to41 | 776 | Missing411_hopenot: TIFU by teaching survival skills to a church group [UPDATE]
[removed]
Ezaviel: I still reckon you did nothing wrong here.
That kid ran off because of the parents, not you.
They are just trying to blame someone else for their own FU.
Tacticalteam: This person is really right. You taught basic skills we as a people once knew. She could have looked this stuff up online, too.
Superior91: Not only that, but what's the next step here?
Don't teach kids how to drive cause they might buy a car and drive off.
Don't teach kids anything about finances. If they can't afford to move out, you'll always have them close.
Don't teach kids anything about cooking. If they can't cook for themselves they'll have to live at home.
Don't give them an education. If they don't know shit they won't know what they're missing.
OP, teaching people survival skills is definitely a good and compassionate act, don't stop it.
iampuh: Texas would like a word with you. You are not supposed to teach critical thinking because kids should listen to their parents and not think critically. I'm not making this up.
OpheliaRainGalaxy: Little-me got in trouble for learning theories about how the moon came to exist other than "God made it in an instant with a thought!"
So grateful my parents couldn't afford private school! Yay for free public education!
I didn't get to learn basic facts about the world around me until school, because everything was god this and bible that. Didn't dare to learn about humanoid evolution until after my mom died, was terrified of saying the wrong thing and setting off another screaming tantrum about how monkeys in the zoo don't evolve into people.
| 6 | 129.333333 | |
1672290065 | 1672293929 | t3_zxwcae | t5_2to41 | 9 | Regular_Influence_26: TIFU Bececause of a prank
So for some back story:
I'm 14 and for the last week, I've been staying at my grandparent's place because both my parents have to work today my grandma told me to say “hi” to my grandpa when he got home.
Now that we got that out of the way, time for the story:
I thought it would be funny to yell “hi” at him (Note that when I was a lot younger I would always be screaming and crying which I continued to do until 7 which resulted in my vocal cords being built significantly so sometimes I'm A LOT louder then I realize) which I later realized was a bad idea on multiple levels. At first, I thought I didn't do it that loud but after a few seconds, I realized that I had once again gone too loud and scared my little brother and sister almost giving my grandparents heart attacks. Don't worry they're fine but they're very angry at me, doesn't help that the anterior family (except for my parents) has a hatred for me or just doesn't accept my existence.
TL;DR
Prank goes wrong and now my grandparents hate me even more
Revolutionary_Run206:
**It's** **not appropriate or acceptable** to yell or scream in a way that startles or scares others, **especially in a situation where you know** it can cause harm or distress to others, such as giving someone a heart attack. **Yelling and screaming can also be disruptive and disrespectful**, and it's important to remember to **be mindful of others** and **considerate of their feelings** and needs.
**To fix this situation**, you should apologize to your grandparents and siblings for your actions, and take steps to ensure that you don't repeat this behavior in the future. You should also consider seeking help or guidance from a trusted adult, such as a parent or counselor, if you have difficulty controlling your volume or if you are struggling with other behaviors that are causing problems in your relationships or interactions with others.
Regular_Influence_26: do you think I would have done what I did if I thought of the consequences and not “this is going to be a funny prank”
Revolutionary_Run206: Ask yourself that question. Like you really need to ask that to somebody online...?
Regular_Influence_26: I wouldn’t have done what I did if I had thought about the consequences, but I clearly did not which is why this post is here. I'm asking you if you think I would still do such a thing if I had a clear reason not to
Revolutionary_Run206: Just do what I suggested young man. Build some character
Regular_Influence_26: understood
Revolutionary_Run206: 🤝🏻
| 8 | 1.125 | |
1670437836 | 1671047789 | t3_zf99wx | t5_2to41 | 16,703 | beehummble: TIFU by going to a dentist in America
I hadn’t been to the dentist in a about a year and the soonest available appointment I could get from my last dentist is about 6 months out.
So, I call my insurance company and ask them for other dental offices in my network. The nice lady refers me to an office in my area.
I call the office and they confirm that they are in my network, accept my insurance , and have availability in the next month - perfect.
I visit them for a normal checkup they check my insurance and everything is good.
They schedule me for a follow up for a couple of fillings.
A couple weeks after I get my fillings, I get an “explanation of benefits” in the mail telling me I owe over $500 for this visit.
I call my insurance company and they tell me it looks like the office was in-network but the dentist they assigned to me when I got in was contracted out and not in-network.
TL;DR: I verified that the dental office was in network with my insurance company and with the office but I forgot to ask if the dentist at the office who was going to work with me actually worked for the office and wasn’t just contracted out.
I’m broke and basically fucked now. Fuck our entire insurance system. I plan to call them early tomorrow to talk about this with them (I get off work today when they’re about to close and don’t want to try to get help from someone who has just worked a full shift and might be less willing to help)
EDIT: I wasn’t expecting this many responses - so, I apologize if I don’t respond to your comment! I want to thank everyone for being so supportive and of your suggestions. Im going to try just giving a quick call to the dentist office tomorrow and expressing that this doesn’t seem right and that they had my insurance info and knew I was there for in-network service. Depending on how that quick call goes, I might then reach out to my insurance company to point out that they referred me to this office and ask how they can help.
EDIT 2: a number of people have pointed out that things can change in between getting an EOB and a bill. So, although the EOB was sent from my insurance company and said, word for word: “what we will pay: $51 | what you owe: $536” (making me think they were planning on sending me a bill for $536), I’ll wait until I get the actual bill before making any calls. I want to thank everyone again for being supportive and I’m sorry to hear about everyone else’s stories of dealing with similar or worse situations.
EDIT 3: I went back and forth between trying to get ahead of this issue or just waiting for the actual bill. But this morning, I decided to call the dental office, and my heart was racing as soon as I reached someone in the financial department, but I remained as dispassionate as I could and just informed them that I received an EOB telling me that my insurance company was only going to pay about $51 of the total nearly $600 bill. The lady I spoke to was very nice and asked me to send them a picture of the EOB and said she would call me back. When she called back, she told me that: 1) a mistake was made for one of the charges, and I shouldn't have been recommended a topical thing they gave me and were charging me for, 2) a comprehensive exam is needed for all new patients which include x-rays and they were willing to write off those charges, 3) for the rest of the charges, the dentist who worked with me was in the process of getting covered by my insurance company. So they were willing to honor in-network costs for that, 4) basically almost all of the costs would be written off, and she's sorry that I received this EOB telling me that I owed all of this. As soon as she told me that, I was incredibly relieved. I had been planning how I would approach this based on everyone's advice - and I'm thankful I didn't have to go through with actually taking the time to fight it. I'm sorry to hear about everyone else's stories of having to pay thousands of dollars for similar issues. I I can sometimes feel pretty cynical (especially because of some other stuff I've been dealing with recently), but the support that people were willing to offer warmed my heart (as cheesy as that sounds...).
cduffy0: Something (kind of) similar happened to me but with medical insurance. Long, long, story short ...
I went through 3 months of person after person with the insurance company (supervisors, appeals, etc).
Finally, I was talking to the supervisor and she said "you can't keep appealing. We've told you that even though you followed our procedures we are not going to pay. " I said, that's ok I am not going to call you anymore. I made an appointment tomorrow with our CEO's open door policy to explain this all to him. I also have an appointment with 7-On your side reporter (tv station does scam reporting stories). He's interested in the story.
She called back 2 hours later and said they would cover it.
Ethan0pia: And here I just called the dentist office and told them that I verified with you that I was covered by my insurance, but you failed to tell me that the dentist was not, so I will not be paying this bill. They took care of it.
Skreamies: As it should be, you shouldn't have to expect to keep asking if you're covered or not.
radeon9800pro: Its seriously fucking insane.
I don't like health insurance companies either - no, in all sincerity, fuck em - but on the dental offices end, there is some fuckery about on how you're being billed. And its frustrating because the people that handle that end are just normal people like you or me and totally understand how fucking devastating a shock-$500 bill can turn your life upside down.
Its just all so fucking grimy.
MuchAndMore: Same with auto. Someone broke into my truck earlier this week and i have to pay for the glass replacement cause deductible. I pay them 500 dollars a month for extreme insurance and they can't cover a 325 dollar window once.
WillBrayley: I expect your health insurance to be fucked over there, but you’re saying you also pay *six thousand dollars* a year to insure your vehicle? What the actual fuck?
crashrope94: Work auto policy I'm assuming since he said truck, he's probably carrying a few million between auto, umbrella, and general liability. Either that, or it's some brand new, high trim level camper puller that he paid too much for in the first place.
MuchAndMore: It's the 100-300k liability insurance I am required to carry because of work.
crashrope94: That's about what I figured, that's what we require from contractors for autos where I am as well.
| 10 | 1,670.3 | |
1672293385 | 1672335177 | t3_zxxfyn | t5_2to41 | 60 | BabiQuinn09: TIFU by checking my husband's messages
I have been feeling my husband distant and couldn't help but to check his phone, as I was afraid something was wrong and he wasn't telling me to spare me (we have been trying to have kids and I have been feeling pretty low)
I ended up checking a conversation of him with a work friend who he had show me. He made her lots of compliments and I thought it was weird but didn't make big of a case. At least I tried for a while. The messages wouldn't leave my thoughts and ended up scrolling further. I discovered he had lied about a work dinner he recently had. He had told me he would leave work at 21 and go to said dinner. I ended up finding he actually had left work at 18 and stayed an hour simply waiting for this friend. This hurted my feelings as he knows I have severe prblmes being alone and he could have come home and return aylt the hour of the dinner. He also made arrangements to give her a ride. He had told me he had given a ride to someone but not her. Even after this I didn't want to assume the worst but the thougth was present. I ended up asking if he had something he wanted to tell me. I expected lots of responses but not the one I got. He ended up telling me he was actually in love with that coworker..... Truly do not know how to feel......
We have been married since August. We have been together for five years and married this year due to my health problems. To add to the pile we made a matching tattoo earlier this month.
TL: DR Checked my husband's messages and now might get a divorce.
AdAdventurous5657: Surviving infidelity sub will offer good advice, but basically YOU need to work out what you want. If you want to try to salvage your relationship then he needs to go nc with her and change jobs as a min and you both need ic and mc to work this out. He needs to give you a full time line of everything. He aslo needs to give you full access to everythjng. If not go see a lawyer and see what divorce looks like
BabiQuinn09: Exactly what I thought. We still haven't talked but when he arrives (If he does want to continue in this relationship) he will have to change his job. (he works at McDonald's and they can ask to be transfered to another)
JairoGlyphic: Sounds like your up for an upgrade. Get the 2024 model
| 4 | 15 | |
1670433082 | 1670444018 | t3_zf6w0u | t5_2to41 | 6 | hopenobodyflndme: TIFU by disappointing my mom for not assisting to a meeting.
TIFU by disappointing my mom for not assisting to a meeting.
So first, this was a very important meeting my for my family, I couldn't attend in persona due to some issues so I participated trough a Zoom Meeting, the thing is I didn't pay any kind of attention at all.
I disconnected the audio and started to watch Yt and TikTok. The next thing I know is that the meeting is over and my parents are on the way back.
When they arrive we have a little chat and she ask about a video of like 5 min that the showed about an elderly guy, I said that I liked and was very interesting, she then asked about what it said. I froze and didn't know what to say, I collapsed and confesed everything. She is now really mad at me and doesn't even want to see me.
I feel really bad about it and don't know what to do, in like 3 hours I'm going to see her again and I don't know what to say, I've said sorry but because we I'm nervous I think she doesn't think I mean it.
I don't know if this is important, I'm not in the US and I'm 16. Oh and she said she is taking away my phone for an apparently long time.
Sorry for my bad English. ( I wrote this on a phone)
TL:DR this is very stressful for me and feel like shit for doing what I've done .
AcrobaticSource3: Are you a native Spanish speaker
hopenobodyflndme: Yes I am.
| 3 | 2 | |
1670443742 | 1670443965 | t3_zfc5ss | t5_2to41 | 58 | TIFU--throwaway__: TIFU by getting drunk and transforming into a womanizer
[removed]
makingkevinbacon: That sounds like sexual assault man
spoonyF0rky01: Sounds like it, because it is.
| 3 | 19.333333 | |
1672246926 | 1672318375 | t3_zxeqqp | t5_2to41 | 22 | ComfortableMess3145: TIFU by giving my grandmother's a very very adult book.
So I was at a comic con in November. Its was tons of fun and I had a great time.
In the last section of the convention was various writers.
We stopped by a table and the author was telling me about her new books.
Full of mini stories, a comedy and has the odd sexual quote in it.
Well I thought to myself, my nan and grandma are often sharing their romantic novels, it must be like one of those. Be right up their street.
So I got two copies and the author signed both to make it that bit extra special for them.
I felt good about myself when they opened them on Christmas day, explained they were funny short stories and they both seemed excited about it.
Well today, 3 days later my nan told me that she read through a bit of the book and had to put it down.
She said she couldn't read any further.
I asked if it was that bad, thinking that the writing style must be difficult to follow or perhaps there's lots of spelling mistakes... no....
To my horror my nan went on to describe some of it and told me about some of the gory details. How the protagonist in each story ended up having public sex...in practically ever story...
So I'm dreading calling up my grandma to warn her of the potential content she will be reading...
That will be fun...
TL:DR
I brought both of my grandmother's a book I thought was a wholesome comedy with the odd reference to passion.
But i was wrong, it was a graphic sex book.
BedWolf: Well she is very very adult so…
ComfortableMess3145: You give your close family members porn on purpose then?
BedWolf: Oh man, do you even know what a joke is?
ComfortableMess3145: I know a joke but jokes can't be translated very well on screen.
| 5 | 4.4 | |
1672305613 | 1672333499 | t3_zy10qk | t5_2to41 | 199 | [deleted]: TIFU by using a wet dirty fleshlight
[deleted]
Devittraisedto2: This entire post reminded me of the coconut one
lIlIlllIlIlll: oh my god dont tell me someone fucked a coconut..
Devittraisedto2: oh it's way worse than that
NSFW warning, not because of him fucking a coconut, but because of what *happened* to the coconut
You have been warned
[https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/6rr6ay/tifu\_by\_cumming\_into\_a\_coconut/](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/6rr6ay/tifu_by_cumming_into_a_coconut/)
iPod3G: Gives new meaning to the ChubbyEmu episode “a man drank questionable coconut water and this is what happened to his brain.”
NecrobyNerton: Oh no no no no thank you, that is NOT what I want to picture
Devittraisedto2: High protein cocoNUT
| 7 | 28.428571 | |
1672310614 | 1672375531 | t3_zy2e90 | t5_2to41 | 147 | Flashy_Piglet_1781: TIFU by trying to take my life
[removed]
majesticjules: Start with working on what caused the psychosis. Was it meds, was it illegal drugs, was it mental health related? These are all workable problems.
black34beard: Drugs, lots and lots of drugs...
jamrar_the_mighty: You don't know that for sure, this has happened to someone I know on multiple occasions who doesn't do drugs but will wake up knowing nothing at all including who they even are, no drugs, no drinks, nothing but stress going on in their life
TheRevTastic: Where is this man’s written apology
BacilQadir715: Yeh give him written apology or else!!
| 6 | 24.5 | |
1672310837 | 1672392295 | t3_zy2gg8 | t5_2to41 | 442 | ComfortableMess3145: TIFU by accidentally giving both of my grandmother's porn. Update.
(Edit notes at end of post) (Edit to add, I've been made aware about the grammatical mistake)
So I was at a comic con in November. Its was tons of fun and I had a great time.
In the last section of the convention was various writers.
We stopped by a table and the author was telling me about her new books.
Full of mini stories, a comedy and has the odd sexual thing in it.
Well I thought to myself, my nan and grandma are often sharing their romantic novels, it must be like one of those. Be right up their street.
So I got two copies and the author signed both to make it that bit extra special for them.
I felt good about myself when they opened them on Christmas day, explained they were funny short stories and they both seemed excited about it.
Well today, 3 days later my nan told me, with a nervous demeanor that she read through a bit of the book and had to put it down.
She said she couldn't read any further.
I asked if it was that bad, thinking that the writing style must be difficult to follow or perhaps there's lots of spelling mistakes... no....
To my horror my nan went on to describe some of it and told me about some of the gory details. How the protagonist in each story ended up having public sex...in practically ever story...
So I'm dreading calling up my grandma to warn her of the potential content she will be reading...
That will be fun...
Edit: I called my grandma to warn her that the book is something she wouldn't at all like and was dismayed to discover she had already read a bit of it.
With a chuckle in her voice she told me some of the graphic descriptions before going on to say its not her thing and threatening to let me read it. Ha ha I'm good.
TL:DR
I brought both of my grandmothers a book I thought was a wholesome comedy with the odd reference to sex.
But i was wrong, it was a graphic sex book and I'm very embarrassed.
madamguacamole: OK, but the grammar error makes it seem like it’s porn that belongs to your grandma, or porn that your grandma made.
ComfortableMess3145: Where are you refering to?
madamguacamole: “Grandmother’s” is possessive, meaning something belongs to your grandmother.
The correct form is “grandmothers” without the apostrophe, because that’s the plural form.
Not judging! It’s a common mistake. I just thought it was funny.
ComfortableMess3145: Fair enough, I took English so I should have known that 😅
Efficient-Zucchini41: I am English and I get it wrong
ComfortableMess3145: Thank you.
It's annoying that people read a story and that's all they have to say.
| 7 | 63.142857 | |
1670451320 | 1670472954 | t3_zffuql | t5_2to41 | 9 | [deleted]: TIFU by making several Fuck Ups
[deleted]
MSGRiley: Is this a bunch of stories about how a 7 and 5 year old kid broke some things?
Hitman-0311: Yes. Clearly.
Goose_Guy_YT: they are fuck ups I did years ago. It counts. I will post more as they happen. But just know that there won't be another cumconut story coming from me.
| 4 | 2.25 | |
1670458104 | 1670460564 | t3_zfittl | t5_2to41 | 9 | [deleted]: TIFU by having sex with classmate
[deleted]
PicnicButNoSandwhich: Sure bud. That happened.
Slow_Lobster_5987: bro what proof do you want xd
Prind25: Do it again but take pictures
Slow_Lobster_5987: lights were turned off unfortunately
PicnicButNoSandwhich: Convinient
Slow_Lobster_5987: well it was one of the reasons it was bad
PicnicButNoSandwhich: Jesus Christ,.reddit really needs to impose an age minimum on this website.
Slow_Lobster_5987: how old do you think i am jesus why would i be making this up
PicnicButNoSandwhich: Your Grammer and sentence structure suggests you're 14. Or you're 12 and learned the concept of sex from a 14 year old who considered themselves "mature"
Slow_Lobster_5987: english is not my first language
PicnicButNoSandwhich: That tracks
| 12 | 0.75 | |
1672325627 | 1672362095 | t3_zy78xt | t5_2to41 | 25,780 | NeverKissMeAgain: TIFU driving with my gf
[removed]
NotMyRealNameEh: Get out the mouth wash, rinse, and spit. Then count your blessings that she is gone. You dodged a ‘bullet’.
PreferredSelection: Anyone else feel like this was assault?
Like, OP would not have consented to that kiss if he'd had all the information.
ThatKinkyLady: I think it's super fucked up, for sure, but it doesn't qualify as assault.
How many people get cheated on and hook up with their SO without knowing until after? Would they still have sex with their SO if they knew they were out banging someone else? Probably not, but that doesn't make it assault unless they were knowingly passing a disease to you or something. It also isn't considered assault when someone is planning to dump you but decides they want one last hookup with you before dumping you. It's incredibly shitty behavior and doesn't allow the victim to give fully-informed consent. But this isn't considered assault.
Whether this *should* be considered assault is fair for debate. Technically it's a form of coercion - withholding information to kiss, etc. But that also opens soooo many messy situations to be considered assault. You'd basically be saying that anyone that had lied or not disclosed information that the victim finds important would be considered assault. Hooked up with someone that's trans, went to jail, was a sex worker, who wanted to hookup but not have a relationship, etc. without them disclosing it first? All that could fall under this. It's a bag of worms.
So yea it's pretty scummy and fucked up but I wouldn't consider it assault unless she actually had the dudes cum in her mouth or something.
GsTSaien: Ok but in this case it was intentionally done to hurt the victim and there is risk of STD from traces of bodily fluids. I am not sure what the law is, but we don't need a slippery slope here.
I love dick as much as anyone but someone doing this to me without my consent would give me a huge crisis and I would definitely feel assaulted.
ThatKinkyLady: Homie, I get this I do. But I'm talking about legality, not feelings. I've had similar shit happen where I felt violated but legally it didn't mean shit. Should it be considered assault? That's the question we should all be asking. And if this is assault then what else should be included in that? There are people out there that specifically get off on cheating on their partner. If they knowingly pass on an STD, it's assault. If not, it's legally 100% ok. I can't tell you how many stories I've read on r/sluttyconfessions about someone going out and cheating and being excited about fucking their spouse knowing another dude just came in them, etc etc. As long as there aren't any stds involved it isn't a crime. And on a personal note, I wonder if maybe it should be. Regardless, these kinds of things are fucked up and I think everyone here agrees on that at the very least.
GsTSaien: I don't think the slippery slope argument is fair when this was an instance of intetionally involving someone into a sexual situation they do not consent to in order to hurt them and humilliate them, with full knowledge and expectations that that action is 1. Not consented to and 2. A sexual act that hurts a victim as its purpose.
This being assault does not open any can of worms.
charleswj: By your definition, wouldn't this have still been a sexual assault had she done it Monday and kissed him Friday?
GsTSaien: Not really, that puts a lot of distance between both instances. This was immediate and deliberate.
rainystast: So there's a specific time window now? If she sucked the dude off in the morning, didn't brush her teeth all day, and then at night kissed OP, would that be assault? If there was a 1 hour difference? 2 hours?
I'm of the opinion that this is a shitty thing to do, but it's not assault.
GsTSaien: Doesn't matter. We do not need to think of grey areas when this specific case is so clear cut.
rainystast: But the OP doesn't say whether there was ejaculate.
Unless ex-gf knowingly gave OP an STD or spit cum in his mouth, then I can't see how this could argued to be assault.
GsTSaien: I am not even talking about proving this is court, that might be tough. But this guy needs to be able to describe what was done to him, and it was absolutely sexual assault.
rainystast: Where was the sexual assault?
- If it's because she waited to tell him, that would make adultery as a concept also illegal, but it isn't.
- If it was because it was immediate, that holds no weight. Sucking dick isn't a crime and unless other dude had a STD or the gf was spitting cum into OP's mouth, then all that happened was he had an unpleasant kiss.
- I'm not on board with the ex-gf's actions at all but I want you to explain to me how this situation is sexual assault.
GsTSaien: It was an act of sexual nature designed to hurt the victim carried out without their consent this is pretty simple
rainystast: So if someone cheated on the SO earlier in the day, then came back and had sex with their SO later on without them knowing about the prior events, that's assault?
That would also make adultery illegal since being cheated on hurts the victim and is usually done without their consent. Barring STDs and swapping of fluids, hurt feelings about a kiss is not an assault.
GsTSaien: No, stop with nonsense what ifs.
rainystast: It's not a what if, it's an example under the law. Cheating on someone isn't assault. Sucking dick isn't a crime. There's no assault charge to pin her with here.
GsTSaien: If a guy rubs his dick on his hand in front of you and then immediately spreads all that through your face while saying "I marked you with my dick" is that not sexual assault because it is not illegal to touch your own penis??
No one is arguing that kissing someone after having sucked dick is assault in a vaccuum. The context makes it assault.
rainystast: >If a guy rubs his dick on his hand in front of you
1. Voyeurism is illegal
>then immediately spreads all that through your face
2. Touching someone without consent is illegal. OP agreed to be kissed.
>while saying "I marked you with my dick"
This would be completely irrelevant.
>is that not sexual assault because it is not illegal to touch your own penis??
It's illegal to expose yourself to other people and to touch other people without consent. This isn't the same situation at all.
>No one is arguing that kissing someone after having sucked dick is assault in a vaccuum. The context makes it assault.
Her doing it to spite OP doesn't make it assault. If it wasn't assault before, it's not assault now that she told OP.
| 20 | 1,289 | |
1672326170 | 1672669697 | t3_zy7gma | t5_2to41 | 41 | Bitter_comment69: TIFU by sending the wrong reel to a person
So I just woke up and was casually scrolling Instagram reels and I found a reel with some dark humour jokes, so I decided to share it with people who have the same humour as me. I sent that reel to 2 people and one of them was a girl from my class but Instagram decided to mess with me and sent them a reel which I had seen some time ago which said "Send it to someone you have nutted to". I shared it and slept again only to wake up to find out I had made a blunder. The girl still hadn't seen it yet so I decided to unsend the message (and the texts saying I sent it to her on accident) and went on with my day. Later, I got a text from her saying "I wouldn't believe it even if you had seriously sent it to me."
The thing is, she is an 8 and I actually have nutted to her but for some reason, she thinks she isn't good and now I can't even tell her about it.
TLDR: Check what content you're sharing and with whom before pressing the "share" button.
Otfd: "I wouldn't believe it even if you had seriously sent it to me."
That's a window. Why you sleeping?
Bitter_comment69: bc I'm a frickin 2 💀
Otfd: Oh well. She gave you a window bro.
I’d hit her with “idk why, you’re beautiful”
Bitter_comment69: in the past she has told me she doesn't like me in general so idk 🤡
| 5 | 8.2 | |
1670463166 | 1670525013 | t3_zfkv51 | t5_2to41 | 451 | [deleted]: TIFU by not paying attention to my daughters mental health sooner,
[deleted]
bros402: I was so worried that this was going to end with the piece of shit molesting her.
You took her to a professional - it's only 7 months, she just needs therapy.
[deleted]: Spanking is close enough to molestation. So close it’s like picking left from right.
KatesDT: Dude. Spanking is NOT the same as molestation. It’s not even the same category. Not even close. This is a disgusting statement only to cause drama.
[deleted]: Touching kids below the belt in any way besides changing the diaper as a baby is molestation, you dolt. 💵 here get yourself something nice from Mental Issues R us or sum’
KatesDT: No it’s literally not, you dolt.
| 6 | 75.166667 | |
1670464111 | 1670465958 | t3_zfl8mp | t5_2to41 | 19 | MeCookie_YouCookie: TIFU by notifying the CEO...
[removed]
blubafish: Soo we are talking about a company with 13-20 people that has a CEO, CCO, COO, CIO (and I guess a CFO as well) in addition to at least one person in HR. Yeah no shit, this gets nowhere..
At least you can leave. I wish you all the best on your next job!
MeCookie_YouCookie: Yeah… the place is a mess.
Thanks!
| 3 | 6.333333 | |
1670465983 | 1670467179 | t3_zflyuj | t5_2to41 | 6 | Throwaway10373ahagdg: TIFU By having my secret relationship come out during a family reunion.
So I started college a while ago and became roommates with this awesome person, she is clever and kind and totally my best friend as well as roommate. I would like it if we could stay friends after college too. Well one day while he was waiting for her, which I didn’t know at the time, I met this wonderful man. He is in his fifties but we hit it off. My friends only flaw is she is chronically late due to a poor timekeeping ability. We ended up chatting for about 40 minutes before I had to go. I would see him around weekends pretty often but never put two and two together. Well one day I decided to ask him on a date, since due to our age difference I was afraid he would never ask me, and it was amazing. After about 6 dates we finally slept together and I gave him my virginity. After becoming a couple and dating for about 3 months I decide to spend upcoming vacation period at his house. We had a glorious week together, until one day I looked at his phone and I saw her picture there. Hanging off of him. At first I was startled because she is a lesbian and I didn’t know she’d ever been with a man, let alone someone older than her… Well turns out I was wrong, that was his daughter. We talked, I cried a little, he was upset too, but we decided to keep seeing each other. Later on the secret came out during a family reunion I joined her for, you see she wanted to come out to her family (they already knew and were so kind lol). I showed support.
Or at least intended too, turns out it wasn’t needed, but then her mother showed up. This woman was evil. She cheated on her father, multiple times, stole from him, claimed child abuse to prevent custody, and basically ruined his life and constantly neglected my friend growing up. Well some things happened and after a while it ends up with my relationship with her father coming out into the open when he was being insulted by his ex. I told my friend I didn’t want to tell her until after she came out and didn’t want this to get in the way of her moment or our relationship.
Well her mom tried to fight me, my friend was so angry, and boyfriend is now my fiancé since he proposed after it stopped being a secret. I never lied to my friend. I just never told her either. We’ve been together for two years now and I’m still trying to reconnect and heal with my bestie.
TL;DR I was dating my best friends father
chrisk114: This sounds like a "Dear Penthouse" letter
KcocNoisnetxeGib: Like, frr! Holy moly, what in THE fuhhhc
| 3 | 2 | |
1670468601 | 1670470971 | t3_zfmzey | t5_2to41 | 9 | Nikk735: TIFU by letting my wife drive
[removed]
Oddlot0930: There's definitely some shitposting happening here. I mean, just by post history you were 38 10 months ago when your wife asked you if she could have sex with Criss Angel, but 9 months ago you were 46 asking about meeting women in Las Vegas. Maybe lay off the acid and shrooms for a bit?
FLTDI: Don't forget the third birthday photo in 1999 that is clearly a photo of a lady in there late teens or early 20s.
Oddlot0930: Is there such a thing as public sort of throwaway accounts that get traded from person to person as needed?
| 4 | 2.25 | |
1670469239 | 1670471953 | t3_zfn861 | t5_2to41 | 21 | [deleted]: TIFU by not triple checking my marriage license
[deleted]
AcrobaticSource3: When should I expect to receive my invitation to the wedding?
PrimePassion: Soon! Planning a wedding for the third time would make it quick at least 😂
| 3 | 7 | |
1670471577 | 1670489728 | t3_zfo3sj | t5_2to41 | 23 | Humble-Food-7359: TiFu and I’m going to lose my job.
Now this maybe me just overthinking but I feel like I’m going to lose my job tonight. I work in the restaurant business and some may know how tough it is to be in this job line. I work as a hostess/server with whatever job side they need me to do. Now the reason I believe I am going to get terminated is due to that I’ve already received 2 write ups
1. A customer called me racist for grat being on her ticket with a party of 8 or more.
2. A customer saw me talking with a coworker-work friend by the dumpsters and complained that we were smoking too close to the back door.
Both reasons was the Manager saying the customer is always right and that they can’t help it because they don’t want the big boss to hear about it. I have shrugged it off as me being new to the business and that I’ll just work harder and try harder to please my managers and coworkers. But tonight is a different story which I fully believe I will be fired and it’s because I messed up.
Normally when I’m working as a hostess, I’m really careful with timing reservations and walk-ins and making sure the servers on shift don’t get overwhelmed with tables and we end up with unhappy customers. Tonight I messed up by getting the timing for the last big reservation (65 people) with 2 walk-ins which has caused chaos all over the restaurant. We had 2 walk in tables both just 4 people just 15 minutes before the big reservation came in. Everyone was already assigned to their parties and rooms of the restaurant which meant that no servers would be able to take them as the 6 servers already on shift we’re taking care of the parties assigned to them. And only 2 servers were left to take care of the 65 top. I had sat both 4 tops already not realizing the time. So when I went to talk to the servers about the tables they told me they were expecting the big party soon and I had completely blanked on it. The manager on shift heard and I explained that this was my fault and that I’d take the tables if need be or ask our extra bartender to take them since they were close the the bar side of the restaurant anyways. The manager got very upset and yelled at me saying that I should’ve known better than to seat the people. Why didn’t you make a wait list? (Hostesses are not allowed to make the wait times only managers can). She berated me saying that the last 2 servers will take them but I am to help them if the big party gets to be too much to handle and I don’t get a tip out which was fine with me. Now I feel like everyone is mad at me since I messed up. But other than the 2 servers getting backed up the kitchen was good with getting the food out and everything was still running smooth after the incident. Now I’m about down with my shift and the manager is still huffing and puffing about what happened but hasn’t said anything to me. I’m not sure what to do. I’ve already apologized and have helped to take care of the tables and everything that was asked of me but now I’m genuinely worried I’m getting fired tonight.
TL;DR
PatientMantisMD: I hate when people say the customer is always right. That is just flat wrong. If they want to follow the actual quote it is. "The customer is always right when it comes to matters of taste". Even the guy who originally said it disagrees with the customer being right all the time.
NotatallRacist: Usually the customer is a moron and an asshole -Larry David
| 3 | 7.666667 | |
1670472418 | 1670525046 | t3_zfofcq | t5_2to41 | 8,429 | bigm4sho88: TIFU by driving three hours for a cheeseburger.
This was actually last weekend but I started heading south for a three hour drive from southern Orlando area to visit family in south Florida. Literally no turns for about 200 miles using the turnpike. There’s only a few exits between the two major cities.
I stopped halfway to get gas and ate a Wendy’s cheeseburger at a rest area. I even sat down at the stop just to eat and get my eyes off the road for a bit. Once I finished I got back on the highway, put on an obviously interesting podcast, and just drove for about another hour and a half until I arrived at the exact same exit that I just got off at from home.
I had just drove three hours for a Wendy’s cheeseburger.
I was screaming, cursing, and really bashing myself for just achieving this level of stupidity. No one else seemed to think it was anything but hilarious. Looking back at it it now, it really is hilarious, just not when it happens to you.
Tldr - I drove 1.5 hours south, stopped for a cheeseburger, then **accidentally drove 1.5 hours north.
Mediocre_Pil0t: It sounds to me like you went on a three hour drive to clear your head and stopped for a burger. Maybe it was something you didn’t realize you needed.
pvaa: I like to do this when I'm testing my eyesight; often stopping at a tourist location before returning home
RareBoar-7391: TESTING YOUR EYESIGHT?!?! WHILE DRIVING?!?!? Please, if you are doing this, DM me before. This way, I can never be on the roads while you are "testing your eyesight." In all seriousness, what do you mean by testing your eyesight?
Lavidius: This was peak British cynicism 😂 look up "Dominic Cummings"
RareBoar-7391: >Dominic Cummings
Holy Crap! That is hilarious! "It was just about seeing if I was okay. If you can't drive 30 miles you know you're not going to be able to drive 300 miles the next day. It was as simple as that." You would think if you are even questioning if you're okay to drive that you wouldn't drive but this bloke just fully sends it.
Lavidius: One thing I've realised about my own people is how brazenly we will lie.
I assume you've seen Prince Andrews defense about "not being able to sweat"?
RareBoar-7391: >Prince Andrews defense about "not being able to sweat"
OMFG! This is all news to me. That's just like making it so unbelievable people would believe it. Except no one does, haha. Thank you for broadening my understanding of the world and how some people lie such dumb lies.
schnager: when the law literally says you will never be held accountable for anything because of whose vagina you got pooped out of, you would probably say a lot of silly things
sharuffino: Y’all need some sex ed too, sounds like.
| 10 | 842.9 | |
1670473320 | 1670484157 | t3_zforkw | t5_2to41 | 13 | [deleted]: TIFU up by using Drano on my clogged toilet
[removed]
emitnemic: So - you fucked up but you won? Legendary.
GuntherTime: You the popular phrase used in Reddit “it’s possible to do everything right and still lose. That’s not weakness, that’s life.”
Yeah there’s definitely “Its possible to do everything wrong and still win. That’s not strength, that’s life.”
| 3 | 4.333333 | |
1670475527 | 1670505603 | t3_zfpjl6 | t5_2to41 | 1,307 | Mama_cheese: TIFU by never asking a dermatologist about my dry facial skin
After the horror that was teen acne, I started noticing that my face, especially my nose and chin, often seemed dry and scaly. I figured my toner was too harsh, so I stopped. Maybe my cleanser was too strong, so I switched. And switched. Switched again. New makeup. Another differently textured makeup. Fresh makeup sponges. No sponges. Disposable tissue as sponges. Exfoliant. New exfoliant. Different moisturizer. Again. Repeat. Start over with all of it again. I figured it was normal, expected, everyone deals with it occasionally.
Every few weeks, the scaly skin would get so bad that my scratching, brushing it off, moisturizing wouldn't fix it, and I'd have to go nuclear. Spinning brush thing! Harsh scrub! Actual granulated sugar, in a pinch!
So this cycle of skin flaking and drying, product changing, and exfoliating continued unabated for the next...30 years.
In the beginning of those same 30 years, in my early teens, I noticed my scalp having this thick white weirdness in patches. Around age 14 or so, I used T-gel shampoo at a relative's house, and the weird stuff went away. So I used that every few washes, and the buildup stayed to a minimum.
Fast forward 15+ years. My kid was born with **awful** cradle cap. I noticed as it brushed off, their hair finally began trying to grow. The doc said use selsen blue to get rid of cradle cap. Said it was seborrheic dermatitis. At some point, kid got a weird rash, got a referral to dermatology, the SD was confirmed (I mention I'd had buildup as a teen, the dermatologist said it was likely the same issue for me) and kidlet got a prescription for ketoconazole shampoo.
Great. Fast forward **8 MORE YEARS**. I read a reddit post from someone who describes their flaky, furry, gross facial skin, and I'm like, yep yep, same. Then another commenter says, "sounds like seborrheic dermatitis. Use hydrocortisone cream to help."
OMG, the facepalm. Literally years of my life and hundreds if not thousands spent on lotions, cleansers, wipes, creams, special makeup. And the solution was in my medicine cabinet the whole time.
It's been a week since I started washing my face with ketoconazole and using the hydrocortisone occasionally. My skin finally looks normal. I'm glad I found a solution, wish it would've occurred to me 30 years ago to ask a dermatologist. Or, you know, *any other time in the intervening 3 decades.*
Hoping at the very least this serves as a PSA to people assuming they've just got to live with their weird skin stuff. Go see a dermatologist!
TLDR: spent 30 years assuming that my dry, flaky face was normal, an expected nuisance, and totally unrelated to my scalp condition. Started treating it differently after a reddit comment, turns out my skin is completely normal. ETA: completely normal once my condition is treated!
Sfb208: I would still go to an actual dermatomogist. Putting steroid cream on your face isn't particularly good for it in the long term, and there may be a more be gentle alternative.
Mama_cheese: Yes, I'll likely look into it after the holidays
HeadWolf69: No, it’s going to be too late already.
Steroids for more than two weeks can cause severe issues.
AndyR001: Lol i used steroid creams daily for years. You need to have a special condition for them to cause harm only after 2 weeks.
Now, they are not ideal and you should find another way of controlling your dermatitis. You can eventually get used to the steroid creams rendering them useless.
I now rarely use them, because i started having proper care of my body and skin.
MissBlondieeee: They are right, there are some severe side effects if steroids are taken for longer than 2 weeks. However, that is if it is ingested or put directly into their system with an injection. Topicals are different, and ok in certain instances
AndyR001: Well, the context is that OP is using hydro cream. This answer is saying that after two weaks OP will already have side effects... So... In context...
Steroid creams are not great and can certainly have side effects on the long run (habituation, addiction, thickning or thinning of the skin), but they are not the devil people put them out to be.
medicated_cornbread: I've been using hyrdo cream on my face for this exact reason for 10 or so years. I don't do it every day but maybe once a week I apply the thinnest layer of cream in 2 or 3 spots of my face. I haven't died yet
| 8 | 163.375 | |
1670471453 | 1670541219 | t3_zfo240 | t5_2to41 | 44 | Fearless_Necessary_5: TIFU by walking on my community’s freshly sealed asphalt
I rent a condo in a condo community. There is a driveway going through the entire community, then concrete going from the driveway to the condos.
Today, the asphalt driveway was closed to traffic as it got repaved/resealed. It was done in the morning. I don’t drive / park in the driveway so that was no issue, but I didn’t consider how I would get to my apartment via walking. When I got home from work, there was a sign at the entrance that said “wet asphalt” but I looked and did a test step and it seemed dry. After all, in my head there was no other way to get home. It seemed an asphalt crossing was necessary. It was after a long day…and it was dark.
I began the crossing. It was fine for the first half, but then my feet felt the wetness/softness underneath me for the second half. I quickened my step but didn’t think about the concrete that leads from the asphalt to our doors. I proceeded to track sealant into the concrete and, well…I have small feet so it’s pretty telltale who did it. But no one was out there and there was one other big print on the concrete already, so I just hoped for the best and went inside.
Well, now, 1.5 hours later, there’s a quorum of HOA members (mostly elderly people who watch everything going on in the community) outside talking loudly about the issue and I’m pretty sure I’m about to be found out. They are sounding very distraught. To make matters worse, I realized too late there is another entrance that could have allowed me to walk only on concrete and curb the whole way. FML….I want to disappear!
Tl;dr walked on asphalt/sealant, left prints, tracked prints onto light concrete, now HOA (which, as a renter, I’m not a part of) is forming an upset group outside my apartment after finding the evidence.
heytherebyenow: It's not like this is the first time someone's done this, accidently or not.
I get why people would be mad, but they didn't make the post xD
Fearless_Necessary_5: I know, it's def not new...but the dynamic is such that I want to hide underground forever. lol. thanks for the support
heytherebyenow: Oh no worries, I would be the same way as well.
I hope the heat dies down!
| 4 | 11 | |
1670476834 | 1670478603 | t3_zfpzg9 | t5_2to41 | 24 | kingboo2095: TIFU by trying to be a sweet husband
So my wife and I went to thus Christmas event at our local zoo and they had raspberry Nutella empanadas. There was a lot of confusion from the employees on where to get them and by the time we had the right answer, they were closed. My wife was pretty bummed about it so I decided to look up a recipe for her so I could bake some up
I fucked up by not realizing the temps were in Celsius, not Fahrenheit for starters. The measurements were also super weird and I had to figure a lot of the measurements out using Google to calculate for me. So I get things going and it's going pretty well at first. I set the oven to 180° (first mistake, it was supposed to be 350°) and after 30 minutes, we were like bruh wtf. My son woke up so I go to put him back to bed while my wife took over and found out the correct temp
She finishes baking them, drizzled some chocolate and powdered sugar on them and they looked super good. Then we took a bite. Lemme tell you, that shit was so salty and doughy. I also converted the salt wrong. It said 18g and I should have used tbsp, I used mL. Yeah, there's kind of a big difference there.
This recipe, after further inspection, has actually been translated several times over it seems like. On the bright side, she loved the thought behind it and we both wheeze laughed our asses off. Well worth the memory lmao
TL;DR I botched the hell out of a recipe trying to bake something for my wife
Mlkbird14: Next time just use the Pillsbury Cresent rolls and stuff them with chocolate or smores stuff. They turn out great. You can also do it with pizza dough.
kingboo2095: I'll definitely give this a try! I mean, can't exactly turn out any worse than these things did 😂
Revocation_Of_Doubt: Yeah man, any premade dough like puff pastry or something and just slather on the Nutella, then roll or whatever and bake.
| 4 | 6 | |
1670473579 | 1670490691 | t3_zfov3k | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU by having an argument with my brother
[deleted]
WhiteShadow1124: As both an older and younger brother myself. This is normal in my opinion. My older brother has confessed he hated me when I was a kid, going so far as to refer to me as the 'anti-Christ'. And i hated my little brother as well, with a passion. But it fades when you both get older and you actually love them.
DerMannmitdemKamm: Couldnt have said it better!
| 3 | 1 | |
1672330815 | 1672334491 | t3_zy99fe | t5_2to41 | 12 | [deleted]: TIFU by getting drunk at a work party while being underage, bringing back gf’s bad memories
[deleted]
Mike_D_Salamander: 21f - 17m + together almost 1 year = wayment
Lined_the_Street: Yeahhh gotta say I saw that and was kind of like 😬 if the genders were reversed this probably would've been a huge issue for people
Mike_D_Salamander: I do be agreeing
| 4 | 3 | |
1670481768 | 1670485654 | t3_zfriix | t5_2to41 | 40 | [deleted]: TIFU by telling a DJ that has girlfriend is trash at DJing
[deleted]
Iamapartofthisworld: Moral of the story - don't trash anyone. There is no reason to, and good reasons not to.
DerMannmitdemKamm: The moral of the story is that you can be as bad as a DJ as you want - as long as your boyfriend is succesfull you can perform at festivals.
| 3 | 13.333333 | |
1670482795 | 1670483869 | t3_zfrsvp | t5_2to41 | 44 | [deleted]: TIFU by thinking I was being considerate by closing off
[deleted]
Haunting_Goat_1045: If you really love the woman you should go for her but if she is gone and theirs no changing her mind whatsoever then move on man. Spend more time with your dad making memories and their will always be another woman.
Hope your dad dosent go thru too much pain man.
speculatrix: This
| 3 | 14.666667 | |
1670483499 | 1670565534 | t3_zfs0dr | t5_2to41 | 6 | KnotsForThots: TIFU by accidentally insulting my boss's intelligence in front of the entire office.
I was in a meeting with my boss and several other colleagues when we were discussing a new project. My boss was explaining his ideas and I thought I had a better solution. So, I interrupted him and suggested my idea.
My boss didn't like my idea and explained why it wouldn't work. I didn't agree with his reasoning and I said, "I don't think you understand the concept."
I realized immediately that I had insulted my boss's intelligence in front of everyone and I tried to backtrack and apologize, but it was too late. The damage was done.
I spent the rest of the day feeling embarrassed and ashamed. My boss didn't say anything to me about it, but I could tell he was upset. I apologized to him again in private and offered to do whatever it takes to make it up to him.
The next day, I came into work to find that my boss had rearranged the seating arrangements and I was now sitting in the back of the office, far away from him and the other team members. I knew this was his way of punishing me and I felt even worse.
I spent the next few weeks trying to redeem myself and prove to my boss that I am a valuable member of the team. I worked late and took on extra projects. But, it seemed like no matter what I did, my boss was still cold and distant towards me.
Eventually, I had to have a difficult conversation with my boss and explain my actions and apologize again. It was a humbling experience and I learned my lesson. I will never again underestimate my boss's intelligence or disrespect him in front of others.
I'm sharing this story as a cautionary tale to remind others to always be respectful and mindful of their words and actions in the workplace. It's not worth risking your professional relationships and reputation over a moment of ego or arrogance.
TL;DR TIFU by accidentally insulting my boss's intelligence in front of the entire office.
lobo25050: Man your boss sucks if he can't hear other people's ideas or accept he is wrong so he is a idiot. And I know that you need the job to love but overworking yourself just to suck you boss balls and trying to get happy with him again is your fault too that he is this way .
pccguy1234: Agree with lobo25050.. a team is you, colleagues and your boss. Sounds more like ‘silos’ of individuals calling themselves a team. I would never work for a boss who couldn’t take another’s idea and build those into the plan. Bosses are not always correct and shouldn’t be the only guide of the team: they are part of the team. Solutions, right or wrong, should be heard constructively by all who speak up and a team plan should be implemented to solve the problems.
| 3 | 2 | |
1670481630 | 1670518923 | t3_zfrh4x | t5_2to41 | 1,582 | TP_Thief: TIFU by referring to myself as “Sweaty Papa” in the heat of the moment
This actually happened about a week ago, but I’ve been too embarrassed even to think about it since. Me (22M) and my partner (21F) have a relatively active and adventurous sex life. We’ve always been willing to try almost anything that the other person asks for, and are pretty vocal about our likes and dislikes. Of note to this TIFU, we have recently tried bringing more of a daddy-kink sort of dirty talk into our sex lives. Her calling me “daddy”, and me calling her “princess” and “good girl” etc. Now she always wants me to take the lead in these sorts of things, and I find a particular thrill in initiating and taking that lead.
Now to the TIFU, it was late morning and I had just gotten back from the gym. Now it’s not uncommon for us to have post-workout sex and today was, hopefully, in my horny brain, going to be one of those days. So I started to initiate things, and we started to go at it, making out, moving from the kitchen to the bedroom, etc. when disaster struck. Remember the daddy kink and wanting to be creative, well my dumbass thought it would be hot to mix it up, and to really lean into the post-workout fun. When we were starting to undress, and just as my bare, sweaty, chest was naked in front of her I whipped out one of the most unbelievably unsexy lines I could have possibly conjured.
“Do you want to have a seat on sweaty papa’s face?”
That immediately killed the mood. Her face went through a myriad of emotions from confusion, to disgust, to deep amusement. We fully stopped what we were doing as she was laughing too hard to possibly continue. I immediately went red with embarrassment and after what was probably the most embarrassing few seconds of my life managed to play it off and joined in the laughing.
Now the problem is, this has fully killed post-workout sex for us. Every time, I get back from the gym she always shouts something to the effect of, “look out for sweaty papa”, or “here comes sweaty papa”, which makes it almost impossible to initiate or even get in the mood. It used to be one of the highlights of my day, but now I have no idea how long I’ll have to wait until things get back to normal.
TL;DR Called myself “sweaty papa” during post-workout sex and permanently cock blocked myself from ever having sex after the gym again.
IssueIvan: I feel like somebody is about to safe this as a reddit username.
Samuron7: u/sweatypapa are you there?
silvandeus: Sweaty Papa, can you hear me?
Sweaty Papa, can you see me?
Sweaty Papa, can you find me in the night?
nicapachi: This made me snort with laughter. Have my poor person’s award 🥇
silvandeus: My door dasher last week was “Papa.”
I was singing for days:
Papa is approaching…
Papa is arriving now…
😂
nicapachi: 😂 Yentl will never be the same will it
| 7 | 226 | |
1670485655 | 1670508582 | t3_zfsm3w | t5_2to41 | 5 | tigermanshazam: TIFU by not knowing what a dick is
[removed]
PacnymuH: "The door of my pants" you mean your fly was open.. and your dick got stuck in it, causing bleeding? please explain.
tigermanshazam: Yes. The door squeezed it
PacnymuH: Uh-huh.. and then you ran out of the bathroom to where your girlfriend was, still with your dick out, bleeding and in pain for everyone in the store to see?
tigermanshazam: I was very proud of my discovery.
| 5 | 1 | |
1672331168 | 1672461679 | t3_zy9efh | t5_2to41 | 21 | shittyfemboyalt: TIFU by accidentally putting nudes on my story.
I was recording a video on snapchat, trying to get good angles for a photo I wanted to send to someone. I wanted to save the video so I could go back through it afterwards.
At school everyone pretty much knows me as a boy, but I actually want to transition. In the video I was wearing thigh highs and a crop top and nothing else. Also, my body is absolutely fucking disgusting. Ive got a small dick, ugly scars, and weird moles. I have basically no ass.
So, the video is super fucking embarrassing. And you can tell who I am in the video.
I went to save it, went to go look back on it, realised it hadn't saved. I thought, oh, thats just a bug, I'll just record it again.
So I did, same thing happened again.
About a minute later, a ton of people from my school started adding me on snapchat. I thought huh, thats weird.
I then made the horrifying realisation that I had put the videos on my story instead of my camera roll.
If you use snapchat, you'll know that the story button is right fucking next to the save button.
So many people had already seen the video, and shared it around. How fucking embarrassing.
I deleted the videos immediately off my story and put 'I DIDNT MEAN TO PUT THAT' or something similar (which I later deleted after thinking a bit more)
And I go to a private school paid for by the military, so I now have to either stay there and get bullied and humiliated for a long time, or I move to a public school during an important time of education and lose a ton of oppurtunities in my life.
I have really fucked up. I barely had friends before and now who the fuck is gonna want to associate with me.
At least one of the popular girls is on my side and is being mature about it, but the rest of the school is making fun of me and sharing the videos around. I have no idea how to fix this situation.
TL;DR: Accidentally pressed 'put on story' instead of 'save' on a nude snapchat video, and now everyone at school has seen my ugly naked body and im gonna be bullied even more than before.
alewberry: depending on how old you are/were when the videos were made, you could start going down the legal route and threatening people with possession/distribution of CP.
yolo_jeny: She was the one who distributed as well, she would very likely be charged if she starts threatening others
activ8r: Not sure what kind of fucked up legal system you are in, but accidentally posting your own nudes, then removing them, is not distribution of CP. She won't get into any trouble for reporting this to the police (if she is underage of course, but many countries also have "revenge porn" laws, which this is likely to be covered under).
Tertiary_platypus: In the uk it is
| 5 | 4.2 | |
1670487137 | 1670508342 | t3_zft10x | t5_2to41 | 19 | BreDenny: TIFU by letting my infant sleep
TIFU by letting my two month old nap after a long day out and about. She’s been awake most of the day so we decide sure, she can nap. She’s tired and fussy, so we let her sleep for a few hours before our nighttime routine and bed.
She goes right back to sleep, then she wakes up for her first bottle a few hours later. She finishes the bottle and gives me the most mischievous grin a 2 month old can muster, and I knew right then and there that we had F’d up. Now it’s two am and we’re having a blast playing and talking instead of, ya know, sleeping.
She also woke up at 4 am yesterday morning, so this mama is very sleep-deprived and ready to go back to bed. Help lol
Well, as I was typing this she has started getting fussy and is now settling down a bit instead of talking to me and wriggling around, so there may still be hope for sleep tonight!
TL;DR I let my baby sleep for too long before bed and now she is talking to me instead of sleeping
OkVolume1: One of the biggest challenges of having a little ome is getting them on your sleep schedule and keeping them there.
BreDenny: Completely agree - and then keeping the schedule as well
OkVolume1: Yep. Our little one goes to sleep around 8 every night and so do we..
| 4 | 4.75 | |
1670491280 | 1670522807 | t3_zfu5d3 | t5_2to41 | 343 | ThrowawayUrDamnDrugs: TIFU when I called my cousin while trip-sitting
[removed]
fredsam25: When people are tripping, put on a mellow movie, like anything Pixar. If they try to leave, tell them they can't leave until the movie's intermission. Otherwise, they'll get in trouble.
ThadaeusConvictus: No way. Watch a movie is an absolute waste of a trip
Cl0udSurfer: Better than getting punched in the face
Malumeze86: I don't know, depends on the movie.
Raspberry-Leather: Still not over UP? 😢
Lurking_like_Cthulhu: I’d rather be punched in the face than punched in the heart.
| 7 | 49 | |
1670492054 | 1670747555 | t3_zfucze | t5_2to41 | 15 | Cinnabun6: TIFU by taking vitamin supplements and taking away my ability to fall asleep
So, 28F here and I’ve had trouble sleeping since I can remember myself. I’m diagnosed with DSPS and insomnia and have taken medication in the past, and it has gotten better. However, for the past year or so my anxiety has reared its ugly head, causing me many sleepless nights, where I just lie in bed and stress about the future. Meditation is hit and miss, I’m on a waiting list for affordable therapy.
I had fallen into a cycle where I’d sleep like ass or not at all for a couple of nights, then be so exhausted and zombified by the third day that my body finally gives in and sleeps like a log, making me refreshed again, until the next time. This wasn’t a good time by any means, but at least I was somewhat functional.
About three weeks ago however, I began wondering if the level of tiredness I was feeling most of the time was normal, and decided to get some bloodwork done. It then turned out that I was low on iron, vitamin B12 and vitamin D (I eat meat). Naturally I bought some supplements while also trying to improve my diet.
Well, it worked. For the past week or so I haven’t felt half as tired as I’ve been feeling before, and though unpleasant, I can function during the day even with little sleep. Which means that since Saturday I’ve only successfully slept 1-3 hours a night. I’m never tired enough to sleep well anymore. I don’t know wtf to do, please help me
TL;DR: I started taking vitamin supplements since I was always tired, not realizing that was the only thing allowing me to get a good nights sleep
Plenty_Intention1991: Have you tried melatonin? That does the trick for me.
Pacific0ce: What dose?
| 3 | 5 | |
1672332747 | 1672350347 | t3_zya1c5 | t5_2to41 | 26 | Limp_Will16: TIFU by making a bad joke about my sexlife
Me and my partner were hanging out with a friend and their partner, the friends brother, and some kids.
The adults were playing games and the kids were sleeping.
The friends partner told a story about the in-laws (so my friends parents, who are SUPER fundamentalist Christian) about how they make these really dirty innuendos, but have no idea (like the husband sprayed the wife with the kitchen faucet hose, and she said “you always make me so wet”) and one such comment sounded BDSM-ish, and out of it, friend and partner now have a running inside joke of “is that your safe word? You gotta have a safe word if you’re going to do -thing-.”
In response to that, I said “yeah, we don’t really have a safe word… I’m usually not able to talk. So I just tap their shoulder. One for harder, two taps to say STOP. It works pretty well, except that one time I only got one tap in before passing out…”
Everyone laughed, which was the goal. Everyone except my partner, who was embarrassed and upset.
In my defense, my partner also makes jokes in a similar vein with these friends, this FU was really making a joke about something that hit a little close to home for them.
I’ve never passed out, but one time we did go a little too hard too fast and I ended up coughing for a minute before we could start back up again, and my voice was hoarse the next day. No permanent damage and I didn’t make much mind about it. But it affected my partner more than I realized.
TL;DR shared a fictionalized version of events with friends, to find out my partner was still upset about the events in question.
OmenNerd: Neat story
Limp_Will16: Thanks. I try.
| 3 | 8.666667 | |
1670477633 | 1670519620 | t3_zfq8wc | t5_2to41 | 59 | KunSeii: TIFU by attempting to be environmentally conscious.
This did not happen today, but a few months ago. My wife and I just bought our first house and got married in September. It's a cute little house on a quiet street right across from a cemetery. My wife and I agree on most things, but we have a few differences. Relevant to this story, I like Halloween and she hates Halloween. I enjoy seeing all the animals on our property and my wife chases them off the property.
So in October, we went to a farm with a few friends. They had a pick your own pumpkin patch, and I insisted that we should get one for the front steps. We didn't get to decorate for Halloween this year and I wanted something. My wife relented and told me we could have it.
I happily placed the pumpkin on our front steps when we got home and hoped it would last until Halloween. It, in fact, lasted one week. One day we had a lot of really heavy rain, and unbeknownst to me, our pumpkin had a hole next to the stem. We came home from work to find the pumpkin mushy and waterlogged. My wife told me to toss it in the trash.
I remembered a post that talked about how deer like pumpkin and it works as a natural de-wormer, so I decided to throw it in the backyard. My wife rolled her eyes and told me not to even think about it because she didn't want to encourage them.
I looked across the street and remembered that the deer will often hang out in the cemetery. So I got the brilliant idea that I was going to shotput the pumpkin into the cemetery to feed the deer. I picked it up by the stem, walked ten steps, the pumpkin separated from the stem, hit the concrete, and exploded all over my walkway and lawn. And now I had pumpkin seeds everywhere. Seeds I definitely did not want germinating.
So I went inside, changed out of my work clothes, and changed into clothes more suitable for cleanup and the dropping temperature. Work boots, jeans, a t-shirt, and a hoodie. Things I could just throw in the wash if they got dirty. I put on a pair of rubber gloves, grabbed a black trashbag, and got to work scooping the pumpkin goo into the bag. When I was certain I'd gotten everything, I figured I would just dump it over the fence for the deer, and walked across the street.
This part of the cemetery is mostly undeveloped, only a few isolated flatstones, so you can't really even tell where a grave is unless you're right there. I leaned over the fence opened my bag, and noticed a flatstone right there. Not wanting to dump pumpkin mush right on someone's grave, I closed the bag and began walking down a few feet.
As I moved forward, I entered a more well-lit area. It was at this moment that I noticed a jogger coming towards me with a very surprised look on his face. Here I was, in the dark, standing right outside a cemetery, holding a lumpy trash bag, wearing a hoodie and jeans covered in some kind of gooey substance, and wearing wet gooey latex gloves.
Without even thinking, I just said, "Oh, hi there..."
And that is all it took for the jogger to become a sprinter. He booked it across the street and took off running like his life depended on it before I could get another word out. I thought about finding an appropriate spot to dump the pumpkin before accepting that was a terrible idea, running back to my house, tossing the bag in the trash can, and bolting inside my house.
When my wife asked what had happened, I replied, "Well the good news is that the pumpkin is in the trash like you wanted. The bad news is I am anticipating the police will be cruising by in the next ten minutes and may want to question us."
TL;DR Attempted to donate my ill-fated pumpkin to some hungry deer. Wound up looking like a deranged lunatic dumping a body at a cemetery and helped a stranger set a new 1 mile PR.
thespicyroot: Such a good story and made me chuckle. Things just kept getting worse and worse.
Do you find it eerie to live next to a cemetery?
KunSeii: For the most part, no. I have a few friends who are buried there, and when I go for walks, I like to stop by and visit them.
We have a lot of oak trees on our property, and in the summer and fall, they drop a lot of acorns. The deer like to eat them, so they're usually somewhere on my property.
A few times, when taking out the trash at night, I've been looking over at the lights in the cemetery (solar lights on graves), and an acorn has dropped right behind me or a deer has jumped out of my bushes next to me and made me think that the zombie apocalypse has happened and I'm about to be munched.
For the most part, it's very nice. As I mentioned, the section across from our house is mostly undeveloped, so it just looks like a field. Since the cemetery owns it, I know that there won't be any eyesores or anything crazy built in front of my house.
thespicyroot: Sounds like a beautiful piece of land. You have a good way of writing, ever think of taking up writing some stories? Future Stephen King?
My in-laws live down the street to their ancestor's cemetery and walking around at night can be a bit creepy.
Thanks for the fun story, well maybe not fun for you but I enjoyed reading along.
KunSeii: I was an English major as an undergrad and did do quite a bit of creative writing in my 20s.
I've been told I have a gift for storytelling and recounting events in a way that engages a group. So thank you for the kind words, and thanks for reading!
| 5 | 11.8 | |
1672332998 | 1672428473 | t3_zya4vy | t5_2to41 | 5,920 | [deleted]: TIFU by having a big ass which ruined Christmas.
[removed]
kiwi_sarah: I'm stuck on.... She wrapped decoy gifts?!? But you only had one gift to actually open? Such a recipe for disappointment.
Sailor_Chibi: Yeah there was *no way* this was going to turn out well. OP’s wife really needs to get a clue; idk how she ever thought that was a good idea.
BurntRussianBBQ: She definitely can't walk and chew gum that's for sure.
Scrapper-Mom: She definitely doesn't know husband's body very well. I'm sure she spent boocoo bucks for the wallet too, maybe Prada or Versace. Sounds like form over substance in that relationship.
kindafunnylookin: >boocoo
r/BoneAppleTea
DisgracedAbyss: What was that even supposed to say/mean?
helsamesaresap: "beaucoup"- French for a lot or many. It's Americanized slang and sounds like "boocoo" or "boocoos." So you could say "This post has boocoos (beaucoups) of replies." Edited to add: here is a map of where it is commonly said: [https://dare.wisc.edu/words/quarterly-updates/quarterly-update-4/beaucoup/](https://dare.wisc.edu/words/quarterly-updates/quarterly-update-4/beaucoup/)
DisgracedAbyss: Ahh, I figured it was some sort of Americanized slang, I'm from Canada and at least where I live it's not used. Thanks for the info.
helsamesaresap: Just for fun: here is a map of where in America it is said (it is not all that common): [https://dare.wisc.edu/words/quarterly-updates/quarterly-update-4/beaucoup/](https://dare.wisc.edu/words/quarterly-updates/quarterly-update-4/beaucoup/)
| 10 | 592 | |
1670506185 | 1670581297 | t3_zfyypz | t5_2to41 | 13,520 | teslatitties: TIFU by getting kinky with the birthday gift
Obligatory: This happened a week ago.
So, I (23F), on the night before my boyfriend’s (24M) birthday, I decided it would be a good idea to make receiving the birthday present a bit sexier than it normally is. Now, my boyfriend loves basketball. I mean he looooooooves it. A Chicago Bulls fan from his teens, he’s seen to it not miss a single game of theirs. But if there’s one thing he loves more than watching the game, it would be playing it.
Naturally, it was a no-brainer for me to decide on gifting him with a basketball. Now, as logical as that was, I thought it was kinda boring. So, I tried to come up with ways to spice things up a bit and ultimately settled on the following: I tied a pretty little ribbon around the ball with a bow on top. Then, I took the end of the ribbon and tied it around his "thing" while he was sleeping, on the night before his birthday. Also I added a kinky message on the ribbon. It was tight enough to not slip off but loose enough to not be painful or wake him up. I suppose it also helps matters that I used to play with his dick while we were drifting off to sleep and this contributed to his not waking up while I tied the ribbon.
My objective was pretty simple. He’d wake up, play with the gift and upon feeling a tug on his dick, he’d know I was about to subject him to the best bday bj ever. Fast forward 9 hours to when we woke up. When I saw him stir, indicating that he’d wake up soon, I sped things up by kissing him. Thanks to the tongue wrestling, he was now awake and noticed the basketball lying next to him and then looked over at me. He just stared at me for a few seconds and then suddenly grabbed me into the tightest hug ever. We stayed like that for a few minutes.
Now this is where everything went wrong – he checked the firmness of the basketball, tossed it from hand to hand and then threw it at the opposite wall, hoping to bounce it off of the wall and catch it. I can still hear his scream. The wall was pretty far away and the ribbon was clearly neither long enough nor lose enought for something like that. His erection died instantly, so did the joy from his face and the pain began to grow exponentially. There was blood.... and let's just not go into the details of it.. Icing was not effective and at this point his penis started to swell at an alarming rate and took on a bluish purple tinge. It was at this point that I knew we had to go the ER.
I helped him get into a pair of very baggy shorts and somehow managed to get him into the car. We made it to the ER and he got looked at within 5 minutes. He was put on pain meds right away and then got wheeled away into the operating room. The doctors had worked their magic, for the operation was a success.
Now, here comes the part where I need your help. After they allowed me to see him, he would neither look at me nor talk to me. When we finally got home, he told me he was breaking up because I was a “dumb bitch”. Now, he has every right to say that. What I did was undeniably and objectively stupid. However, I do not want to lose this man. He’s the best thing thats happened to me and I cannot bear the thought of life without him. So reddit, can you help me?
TLDR: Tried to make the birthday gift experience sexy and ripped my boyfriend’s penis and now he’s going to break up with me.
thirteenthhouse: How the hell did he not realize something was tied to his dick? I call shenanigans
Over-Remove: Yea that’s a bit sus for me too. There’s like several thousand nerve endings on his dick but he can’t feel something tied tightly around it while erect?
PM_ME_YOUR_ARGO: Plus the very vague descriptions, talking about swelling, bleeding, surgery etc. without saying what actually happened. Whole story seems fishy to me.
PainIsFake: Also hugging very tightly with a basketball between your legs for several minutes seems a bit odd to me...
Donohou: Not to mention, she said he threw the ball back and forth between both hands. How would he not feel the ribbon then?
Guuhatsu: Or notice the ribbon leading Into his pants as it moved around.
Lallner: Also, have you ever tried to tie something to a ball and not have it slip off easily?
Doc_Dante: But but he called her a dumb bitch and broke up with her so by reddit law when it's not really TIFUd but something really bad happened to me were supposed to upvote it
/S
Reddit62195: Still, I do have to admit, the OP's story had me cracking up before I even got to the part where she tied the ribbon to the guy's penis!
Also, I had initially thought she was going to write that the basketball feel off of the bed, thus the guy woke up in pain because his ball just dropped!
| 10 | 1,352 | |
1670505822 | 1670538911 | t3_zfytc4 | t5_2to41 | 29 | [deleted]: TIFU by “following” my crush
[deleted]
InconsolableDreams: What is your crush based on if you've never even talked to her? What are your expectations? How is she going to be interested in you, what's your winning trait? What do you think she will like about you? What would you do together as you get to know each other, play video games or go out? Are you outgoing? Will you be able to talk to her friends if you meet them?
I applaud for catching yourself in time, because there is only so much you can do before you give serious creepy vibes and it is really difficult to undo that, so be careful and respectful.
DieWalze: You shouldn't look for a special trait to win someone over. Just be a nice and kind person, dont force yourself. If someone isn't interested in your natural self you should move on for your own sake.
InconsolableDreams: I was asking to be aware of these things, not come up with them. She won't fall for him simply based on him wanting it. He will set himself up for a disappointment with unrealistic expectations and at worst blame her for it.
| 4 | 7.25 | |
1670506868 | 1670613376 | t3_zfz928 | t5_2to41 | 39 | loah99: TIFU by thinking the moon was a planet
Today, I F\*\*\*ed Up in a big way. I was in my science class, and we were talking about the solar system. My teacher asked the class what the biggest planet in the solar system was, and without thinking, I confidently raised my hand and said "the moon".
I was shocked when my teacher gave me a puzzled look and asked me to explain why I thought the moon was a planet. I stumbled over my words and tried to backtrack, but it was too late. The whole class was staring at me in disbelief, and I could feel my face turning red with embarrassment.
To make matters worse, I didn't even realize that I had made a mistake until my teacher corrected me. I thought I was being clever and original by suggesting that the moon was a planet, and I didn't understand why everyone was looking at me like I was an alien. I was completely clueless and clueless, and I felt like the biggest idiot in the world.
But instead of admitting my mistake, I decided to double down on my claim. I told my teacher that I had heard about the moon being a planet in an episode of Futurama, and I thought it was true. I even quoted a line from the episode to back up my argument.
Needless to say, my teacher was not impressed. She told me that while Futurama is a great show, it is not a reliable source of scientific information, and that I should not use it as evidence in a science class. I was mortified and humiliated, and I could barely look at anyone for the rest of the day. I felt like the biggest idiot in the world, and I was convinced that everyone was laughing at me behind my back.
Needless to say, I will never forget that the moon is not a planet, and I will never make that mistake again. I learned my lesson the hard way, and I hope that this embarrassing experience will help me to pay more attention in class and not make assumptions without thinking. I also hope that my classmates can forgive me for my moment of stupidity, and that they will not hold this against me for the rest of my life
TLDR: I told the whole class that the moon was a planet and doubled down on it, citing my source of information as the TV show futurama.
UndeadWorm: Not only is the moon not a planet, but even if it where considered a planet your answer would still be wrong.
The moon is fucking tiny. Jupiter would be the correct answer.
So you somehow managed to fuck up not once, not twice, but three times at once.
turingthecat: Most of Jupiter’s moons are bigger than our moon
Kittypocalypz: Interesting, Ganymede is bigger than Mercury according to a quick Google search.
| 4 | 9.75 | |
1670507751 | 1670537830 | t3_zfzmev | t5_2to41 | 163 | Cognitive_storm: TIFU by sharing a nice scent
This happened about ten years ago.
My then gf, her mom and I were all in a large supermarket. No need for anything specific, just browsing around.
I found a gallon bottle of disinfectant floor cleaner with a surprising new scent: vanilla. I opened the bottle and smelled it; it was delicate, provocative. I needed to share this discovery with someone.
Called gf over. "Smell this!" I invited and held the large heavy bottle, one-handed, at arm's length toward her. My hand was securely wrapped around its soft plastic body, not the handle. I was a very sedentary person with little upper body strength. This did not seem like an issue at the time.
Gf put her nose quite close to the completely uncapped bottle. She closed her eyes and inhaled softly, to experience this taunting aroma. My arm chose that moment to spasm in protest at the nearly two kilogram weight resistance test. My hand contacted in response, totally involuntarily.
Squeezed the bottle. Floor cleaner splashed upwards suddenly and spectacularly, like a blowhole. Gf was covered in it, from the nose to her feet. Some got in her mouth. Nearly half the bottle emptied out in that one short, terrifying moment.
She didn't speak to me for several days afterwards, believing it was my intention to prank her. Her mom witnessed the whole thing and said she believed my side of the story...
TL;DR: showed her a vanilla-scented floor cleaner, splashed it on her.
BrilliantColoringBoo: How did you make it up to her?
Cognitive_storm: I tried apologizing, buying her food, doing extra chores... As far as I could tell, none of it worked; she just gave up on the grudge eventually
BrilliantColoringBoo: Yeah sounds about right, unfortunately. None of that can make up for the humiliation of being covered in floor cleaner in the middle of the store, even if it was an accident.
You mentioned it happened 10 years ago - how come it's relevant now?
Cognitive_storm: It's not relevant any more
| 5 | 32.6 | |
1670510403 | 1670525541 | t3_zg0sok | t5_2to41 | 135 | TheBoggart: TIFU by failing to adequately sort my laundry and then meeting the mayor
This happened yesterday. I am an employee for a large southern city. Yesterday, the mayor was coming to visit our facilities. I was selected to give the mayor the tour, show off our equipment, and answer any of her questions. I was so excited. I made sure all of my work clothes were washed extra thoroughly (oxiclean baby!) and presented myself at work looking squeaky clean and extra presentable.
I was at the front of the tour the entire time, sometimes walking backwards to explain things to Madam Mayor, but mostly with my back turned to her and her entourage of dignitaries. "And this is our fleet of electric vehicles!" I said, waving an enthusiastic hand one way. "And over here is our gear," I explained, pointing out some equipment we use on site visits. The whole thing took about an hour and felt like it went really well! The mayor thanked me, perhaps a bit curtly, but she's a VIP and all that, so I thought nothing of it.
I triumphantly returned home to tell my wife all about my day. After I finished talking to her, I turned to go the bedroom to get out of my work clothes. At that point, my wife said, "Wait, what's that hanging out of your back pocket?" I reach back and feel something dangling. I pull it out; it was a pink pair of my four-year-old daughter's underwear. Only about an inch or two had been *in* my pocket, the rest was hanging out, full flower pattern on display to the world. There had been little girl's--ugh, I hate this word--*panties*, pendulously suspended from my pants the entire tour.
I'm about to go into work. Hopefully I'm not immediately fired upon walking in! Wish me luck!
TL;DR: Met the mayor; showed off my child's underwear; TBD: employment status.
Psychological_Ant488: Geez you would think someone would have had enough tact to let you know beforehand that a pair of panties were hanging out of your pocket
TheBoggart: Right!? It must have been seen by dozens of people, including my fellow employees/friends. What the hell?
YellowGetRekt: I need an update
TheBoggart: No one has said anything about it and so far neither have I.
| 5 | 27 | |
1670511802 | 1670512574 | t3_zg1fig | t5_2to41 | 8 | [deleted]: TIFU by making a terrible joke at the wrong time/Forgetting that words can hurt.
Welp, this happened yesterday to be honest but this is still a situation I need to talk about.
I made a HUGE Mistake.
I was on a subreddit called r/youngpeopleyoutube and I saw this post that had a kid advertising his YouTube video called. “How to play Minecraft.” And without thinking I immediately said “Nah, it should be how to be fatherless“ as a joke. But what I didn't realise it was an actual hurtful thing to say. All the kid was doing was just innocently advertising his video, he didn’t mean any harm. Then a few minutes after I made that comment someone replied and said something similar too “overused joke” then I continued to deny it saying I was just joking. And too be honest with you I never met my father in my life, but that dosn’t give me the right to make that comment. After half an hour of arguing I apologized for my actions. Then 4 hours later someone said something about my profile picture being anime themed and made fun of me for having an obsession for the character, I replied with “Why are you teasing me for my profile?, me and this person already delt with the situation, I apologized, it’s over.” He said something else about it but I wasn’t able to read it because of The fact I had to go to bed.
Honestly I’m at fault because I never should’ve made that comment. I’ve been having a horrible time lately…failing one of my honors classes, dealing with the trauma of being bullied last year, and other things behind it. I don’t think I have the mental capacity to be on Reddit, I should really take a break from the internet, I never wanted to be a bad person and didn’t realize not every joke I make is going to be taken as a joke. I came here too share my creativity, thought’s, and other fun things with people but I have failed.
I don’t even want too look at my notifications because I’m scared I’m going to see people making fun of me for my rude comment.
(Edit at 9:59 Central Time: I’m gonna try to have the courage to look at my notifications maybe a few hours or a day later since I’m still trying to recover from completely breaking down last night crying in my room. I definitely have a lot of demons of emotional problems I need to deal with.)
I wish I could take it back.
TL;DR: I made a rude joke saying “Nah, it should be how to be fatherless“ on an r/youngpeopleyoutube post of a little kid advertising there video on how to play minecraft. I was in the wrong because I should’ve never made the joke in the first place, the kid was just innocently posting a ”how to do video”.
kalysti: Maybe it's not safe for you to make jokes about others right now. It sounds to me like you have a lot of anger right now. Being bullied is an infuriating experience. When we have a lot of stress in our life, we sometimes tend to take it out on others. Especially when we are young. Joking is often used by people as a passive agressive way of venting negative feelings they have on someone else.
But you haven't failed. One mistake doesn't mean that. It just means you need to think twice and type once. It's something we all have to learn if we want to be a good citizen of the internet. And it is something we all, on occasion, fail at. Learning to accept failures, correct them, and move on is also something we all have to learn.
[deleted]: Thank you, that’s very helpful. ❤️
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1670511004 | 1670517470 | t3_zg12be | t5_2to41 | 8 | Remarkable-Cloud-420: TIFU by rushing while my foot was asleep
This actually happened yesterday. I was in a much longer virtual meeting than expected, and I was sitting cross legged so my foot fell asleep.
Towards the end, I realized that I really needed to pee, so right when the meeting finished, I got up super fast to go to the bathroom (which was literally 10 steps away). Three steps out of my chair, and I collapsed to the floor, seeing my sleeping foot flop like a fish while hearing a popping sound.
I sat there as I figured out what to do, I couldn't move my foot, I surprisingly still really needed to pee and I was home alone. Luckily, I was able to sliver to the toilet, then crawl back to my couch (while I was as pale as a ghost and almost passed out).
I called my parents, and they were able to come home and bring me to the hospital. I also emailed my coworker explaining how I couldn't attend my next meeting as I may have broken my foot. My foot was tingling and so swollen, I was horrified of what it would look like (I was wearing socks) and that they may need to cut my skinny jeans off at the hospital.
After 2 hours in emergency, turns out I severely sprained my ankle (and there was no need to cut my jeans off!). Now I have it wrapped up and am using crutches to get around for the next week or two.
I broke my arm in the past, yet it never hurt this bad or was this traumatizing in comparison.
TL;DR I had to pee but my foot was asleep, so instead I collapsed to the floor and ended up going to the hospital.
Pauzhaan: This is weird. Yesterday I was at my computer when one of the dogs wanted out. I didn’t realize my left foot had gone to sleep when I stood up & on my 2nd step my foot crumbled. I fell back on my behind but I knew I’d twisted my ankle.
I wrapped it & don’t need crutches this time. But your story is much like mine. About 2pm Mountain Time. In Colorado.
Pauzhaan: I started to read your post to my husband & he interrupted me, saying: “What kind of virtual meeting were you in? Does Reddit know you better than I do?!” I had to let him read your post because I was laughing!
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1670514233 | 1670537009 | t3_zg2jg3 | t5_2to41 | 11,163 | bubblyvortex: TIFU by triggering my new bf’s ED
EDIT: ED in this post = eating disorder. I should’ve realized before I posted but I can’t change the title, sorry y’all
*not today, but even after years the “oh god, I fucked up” feeling is still sharp
I was out bar crawling with a new bf, both in our mid-20’s, and during the day I’d made a couple comments on his weight.
Yes, I know, I’m an asshole. We both got those new relationship pounds from eating out more, and I genuinely thought if I’d subtly hinted about it, he’d get the memo without having his feelings hurt and we’d be able to cut back together. Yes, I know, I’m an asshole and a massive idiot. For the record, I never thought he was less attractive for any weight gain or loss, ever. I was worried we were both letting ourselves go too much.
Well, during the night, we got some pizza (he’d drunkenly insisted bc he loves pizza, it was honestly so cute and one of my fondest memories) and I made a comment about how many calories we ate and how we probably shouldn’t eat any more.
He turned to me, still drunk but with the most serious expression, and said “Should I throw up? I can go and throw up right now.”
Fellow redditors, my world stopped, all I could think was “oh god, I fucked up, I fucked up so bad, I fucked up so so bad.”
I don’t really even remember the immediate aftermath, just that I must’ve told him no and distracted him with his friends.
Anyways, after that I looked up a bunch of things about how to be a good partner with someone with ED. If he ever brought up weight related things, I would always truthfully say “I think you’re attractive no matter what, and I support however you want to be healthy.”
We’re married now and have both gone through a lot of different weights over the years, and he’s doing better now but I’ll still never forget how heartbreaking it was in that moment.
He’s genuinely the most wonderful, giving person and I knew right then he was saying “I can do this for you.”
Friends, if you’re ever debating saying something about someone’s weight, please do it in a more direct and kinder way than my sorry ass did.
TL;DR - made some shitty comments abt my new bf’s weight, he told me he would throw up what we just ate, I died inside and will dedicate the rest of my life to making sure he knows he’s a wonderful, worthy, attractive man no matter his appearance.
Initialised: Oh… you meant Eating Disorder…
[Edit] Oh wow, that went from limp to fully engorged in no time! Thanks for the digital stimulation!
[deleted]: Wait..You all we’re thinking of Erectile Dysfunction?
Am I the only one who thought of Eating Disorder immediately when I first looked at OP’s post? 😭
Now I just feel bad For OP to be honest…🥲
maticus85: I've seen too many Cialis commercials, but yeah, I've never heard of an eating disorder being called ED. I was pretty certain Erectile Disfunction had the claim on that.
jfff292827: In medicine ED could stand for eating disorder, elhers danlos syndrome, erectile dysfunction, emergency department and probably more. I can’t tell you how many overlapping TLAs there are.
HyperGamers: What's a TLA
Xandrecity: Toast Laced with Avocado. It's a huge problem in the ER
HyperGamers: Sorry to bother you again but what's an ER?
Xandrecity: ~~I was joking before about the toast thing, but~~ ER stands for the ~~emergency room~~ ERection. It hurts, but my doctor says avocados are good for me, and I've heard avocados are good on toast.
Edit: *cough*, What edit?
HyperGamers: >!I just wanted to carry on the joke!<
| 10 | 1,116.3 | |
1672336195 | 1672409660 | t3_zybgas | t5_2to41 | 32 | crazycatlady9977: TIFU by forcing myself to find a rebound
This actually happened 3 years ago..
Background context:
My neighbour downstairs and I grew up together, let’s call him T, we were childhood best friends. We went to the same elementary school. I developed feelings for him during the later years. He also had feelings for me. We talked everyday and knew everything about each other. Our connection was really strong and we made a promise to be together after we graduate from high school.
Fast forward a few years, during the start of high school (we were both 14) one day we got into a huge fight and he left. T distanced himself from me completely and acted like I didn’t exist. He would avoid me at school, pretended like he didn’t know me. I was very heartbroken and didn’t know how to live life without him. He never gave me an explanation either.
3 years ago: (We were both 17)
My feelings for him never changed, the distance between us made me miss him more and more, I couldn’t forget about him. I felt so empty without him. Things weren’t great at home either, my family was emotionally and physically abusive. I had an eating disorder as well. T was the one who was usually there for me. My family completely fell apart when my great grandmother died, which made the abuse even worse. My mother also got together with a man who always harassed me and abused me too. I went through all of this by myself, I didn’t have any emotional support without T in my life because I didn’t feel comfortable telling my friends.
Moving on, our year level coordinator announced that we would be having a semi formal and it was absolutely compulsory for everyone to attend. My friends and his friends teamed up to get us to talk again at the event. Me and him talked for the whole night, it gave me hope that we could go back to the way things were. T still didn’t explain what happened and I never asked.
However, the next day he went back to ignoring me and giving me minimal responses when we had to talk in classes. I asked his friends and they said it was part of a bet. Some of my friends were in on this too for their personal entertainment. He didn’t actually have feelings for me, he only stayed with me for the whole night because of his friends. I felt really hurt that everyone was just playing me. My heart broke more knowing that he didn’t care about me at all.
After years of him ignoring me and hurting me, the semi formal incident was my sign to move on. I made it my mission to get over him completely. I befriended another guy who was in my accelerated maths class, let’s call him P, who I actually found out is T’s cousin. He was a friend of a friend as well. We became closer due to our similar experiences with family problems. I allowed myself to get closer and closer to him, thinking that would help me get over T. I thought P could be his replacement. Deep down I knew that I felt nothing for P, however he had other ideas.
He developed feelings for me and we sort of became a thing but I wouldn’t say we were officially together. I kept forcing myself to reciprocate his affection. However I soon realised that P only liked me for my appearance and saw me as an object. P never truly got to know me like T did. He would never take no for an answer and kept trying to take things to the next level. He would do things that made me feel uncomfortable without my permission and wouldn’t stop. I felt nothing but disgust. P became abusive. The nice guy act was completely gone.
One day, P kept trying to force himself on me. No matter how much I told him to stop, he wouldn’t. I was speechless, I didn’t know what to do. I told him to leave. At that moment in time, I realised what a big mistake I made. I completely broke down when he left, I shouldn’t have forced myself to find another guy just to get over T. I barely knew this guy all and never did a background check. If I had inquired about him to any random person at school, I would’ve known what a horrible person P is.
One of my friends revealed that P has been harassing random girls on our swim team as well. P also barely has any friends due to all the fights he instigated with various people in the year level. The only people who were oblivious were me, T and his friends and some of my friends. Despite being considered one of the smartest people academically at our school, I felt so dumb. I became more and more depressed.
During senior year one day, I drank too much and lashed out at P for his actions. He completely lost feelings for me and spread rumours telling people I cheated on him. People didn’t believe me when I denied it. P wasn’t considered attractive and no girls liked him, however I was considered attractive. and multiple guys were interested in me. With messed up logic, people believed that I was a player so his rumours were believable. T and his friends believed P too.
I got so sick of these rumours and people at school constantly talking about it. Some friends turned against me. My mother’s partner kicked me out of home, my family became more abusive. My mental health was at lowest. I couldn’t take it anymore, I resorted to alcohol as my therapy. I got drunk again and posted a few private stories on instagram addressing all the rumours and exposed P’s actions. Someone screenshot them and sent it to P.
Right before finals, P reported me to the school using the story as evidence and accused me of cyber bullying him. He was trying to get me expelled by playing the victim. P also threatened to get the police involved. Instead of studying for finals, I was gathering evidence to prove my innocence. The teachers confronted me and I told them the truth. I showed them evidence of P revealing his actions on text. The case was completely dropped. The school didn’t want to be involved anymore to avoid staining their reputation.
This whole situation was so traumatising and painful. I felt so mad at myself and everyone around me. I had no desire to live during my senior year and kept thinking about ending my life.
Present:
I did well in my finals but not as well as I wanted. I got into one of the top universities in my country but didn’t do well enough to get into the course I wanted.
Me and T also reconnected. We are together now. There was a reason why he left and did what he did. His family forced him to do this believing I was a distraction to his studies. He was hoping that the graduation promise was enough for me to wait for him. T regrets listening to his family and not clearly communicating with me. He blames himself for my situation but I still hate myself and think it’s my fault for being too impulsive.
T and P aren’t on good terms anymore btw. T hates P now after finding out what he did.
I’m still living in fear everyday knowing that P is still out there. He is still calling himself the victim and telling people I ruined his life. His actions replays in my head all the time. It haunts me everyday. I still feel really depressed and find life so draining.
TL;DR: I fell in love with my childhood best friend, T, who left me. Junior year, I forced myself to find a rebound, P, to get over T who ended up objectifying me and abused me yet played the victim when I exposed him. P tried to get me expelled before grad and his actions still haunt me to this day.
RopeDad_1: I’m happy for you and T reuniting, and completely understand the family thing on his side… but he shouldn’t have just cut you out completely… don’t want to cause a fight or anything between the both of you but he should have listened or let you know the night of the dance :(
crazycatlady9977: Yeah I completely agree.. T also agrees too. I confronted him about this when we initially reconnected. He admitted that by the time he realised he made the wrong choice it was too late and he didn’t know what to do. He made mistakes in this situation and we’ve both acknowledged this. Thank you though :))
RopeDad_1: Idk you guys but I’m so happy for you! Best wishes!
| 4 | 8 | |
1670517912 | 1670528301 | t3_zg4a3v | t5_2to41 | 27 | JlMB0: TIFU by getting catfished and blackmailed.
I(M) was catfished and blackmailed by someone I matched with on a dating app.
I always made sure it was a verified account and that they seemed fairly normal. We got chatting had a few days of good talks then they asked to add on Instagram then moved to WhatsApp, fairly normal I thought. Naturally we went on to talking about work and things, then about ourselves. I'm careful not to give too much away until I'm 100%, but IFU by actually giving someone my first and last name, but I didn't know that at the time. They went on about how they were going to study in London and might need help to move things and get on trains etc. This is what made me believe they were real. The following day they went full horny mode and being single and not doing anything I indulged in the talking while still thinking it could be a scam.
They went on about how we should call, and we should do "something" I replied sure, and we phoned. A naked girl answered and started playing with herself. She asked to see more of me, but I never showed anything apart from my face, still thinking it could be fake. I said prove you're real, pet your head a blow a kiss. I know it's random, but I was still holding out thinking she was real. This is where it all goes down hill. Then phone hung up then got a message like we know who you are who you're friends with and where you work. With a video of my face watching, then a random cock pops up wanking. Kind of funny note, I initially thought it was way bigger than mine, lol.
I then blocked and report profiles of the person. I'm not too worried, if I'm honest. It's obviously a doctored video, and you can just about see my face in a dark room. My main concern is my work getting an email and something being brought up. I'm thinking of contacting my HR department tomorrow and letting them know in advance, just in case.
TLDR- Got catfished, had sexy call, fake video was made blackmailed that they will send vid to all contacts from Instagram and my work
I am kind of broken, my trust in people in general is low anyway. I let up my guard once and this happens. Tonight I will buy a Nandos and let another me stress about this. It is what it is.
HumusSapien: Go on Facebook and let people know. Apologize in advance for any wanking videos that caused trauma.
You might get new invitations.
On a more serious note.. You shouldnt have to pay for people not to see your dick. That can get really expensive 😂
onion_surfer14: You are a great help dumbo
HumusSapien: What kind of help do you expect? He obviously feels terrible about something he shouldnt.
onion_surfer14: But he doesn’t know he has nothing to worry about. That’s what he was asking
HighlightFun8419: ~~then make your own comment instead of antagonizing this dude's comment if you've got such good, sage wisdom for OP. 🙄~~
edit: oh shit you did 🤦♂️
| 6 | 4.5 | |
1670518792 | 1670529538 | t3_zg4nyx | t5_2to41 | 11 | HurtHealingFeelings: TIFU By Checking My Ex's Social Media
My ex and I broke up about 5 months ago. Actually... it was a year and some change ago but we remained friends and remained cordial because I didn't want him to feel abandoned. We were fine, until we weren't. He constantly was telling me he was in love with me and I wasn't feeling the same anymore. Somehow, we became more of a friends with benefits situation during our breakup timespan... It was sort of on and off. We'd have sex for 2 months, then nothing for 3 months, then on again for anther 3 months... you get the point. ON AND OFF a lot!
I thought I might have been starting to catch feelings for him again. But something deep down knew it wasn't the best for me. Partially the main reason I had broke it off. I was having a hard time moving on because he **constantly** stayed in my face. Which he did on purpose so I that I couldn't move on (he sort of told me this). I would talk to other guys here and there but it never went anywhere because I started to feel trapped and bound to my ex because he simply wouldn't let me be. I even tried to move states and he basically told me he was gonna come too. So yeah, trapped. I realized I was remaining friends and dealing with him because his attachment to me was so strong I was afraid he'd try and hurt himself if I left. So that's why I was around him so long. Eventually, It actually started to become HELLA draining. Feeling like I was always catering to his feelings and such rather than my own happiness.
I decided to break it off a few months back and BOY it was tough. It went exactly how I thought it would but 10X's worse.
Anyways.... after we broke up officially from our "friendship". I started checking his social media (not gonna lie it's probably borderline stxlking). I really **REALLY** just needed to make sure he was okay because things ended so badly. Wanted to make sure his mental health was in check. Welp... bad idea. I still have access to a couple of this accounts that he's logged in on my phone/computer. The internet is a cruel place man. I could see all the things he was saying about me and trash talking me and OUCH that hurt. BADLY. To top it off one of his posts got a lot of attention and reading those comments was also tough. MAN the internet is brutal, you hear me? I was made out to be a bad guy. Those comments hurt man. I dealt with a lot of manipulative behavior from him and was aware of it, yet I still feel the need to make sure he's okay. I don't know why, but it's in my spirit to care. Now I'm all fucked and can't stop obsessing on whatever else he is feeling. So I keep checking.
TL;DR: Broke up with my ex officially from being his friend. Ended pretty bad. Started checking his social media to make sure he was okay. Now I'm fucked up from seeing his unresolved feelings about me and it's sent me in a spiral to continue checking.
soMAJESTIC: Sounds like an abusive/traumatic situation. Hope you can keep yourself away from trying to understand his warped sense of the situation, it’s not your problem to have to deal with. Check out r/bpdlovedones , you may find some familiar stories.
HurtHealingFeelings: Interesting you sent this subreddit.
He actually had attempted self harm and sent me a letter after I broke it off. It was the most traumatic experience I have ever had in my life. And months later I'm still trying to process and not feel guilty for it. After the fact, I know he is working with a psychiatrist and they mentioned him possibly having BD. I know BPD and BD can present similar traits and it takes a while before getting a diagnosis. Not sure if you can have both. But that's all I know. It was one of the last things he told after apologizing for putting me through it. I still feel terrible though.
soMAJESTIC: Unfortunately it’s something most of us only learn about after for struggling with someone for a long time. My experience and subsequent research kinda forced me to reevaluate my relationships and why I was entertaining them. Ultimately, the moral is that we need to recognize the red flags and do what is healthiest for ourselves.
| 4 | 2.75 | |
1672340432 | 1672367987 | t3_zyd8je | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU by emasculating my BF in front of my ex and ending their friendship
[deleted]
anakedman1: I wouldn’t date a woman who is Friends with a guy let alone her ex. Talk about toxic from the get go.
Mr_TheMagpie: Says the person who is so controling they wont let ther significant other have friends from the opposite sex. I think there is an old saying about that, something with a pot and kettle
anakedman1: I guarantee that ex isn’t her platonic friend. He is waiting to smash again.
Mr_TheMagpie: I dont see how that gives an excuse to be controling. She is an adult, she can choose not to sleep with other men, even if they have a big dick. Its almost like you dont trust the people you claim to love
anakedman1: She could choose to be friends I can choose who I date. In this situation it would of saved her relationship if she ditched her ex. Which she should do. heterosexual men are not “friends” with women they are waiting to smash. I am not an controlling person I know how men think. And it’s sleezy.
Mr_TheMagpie: Yes she can choose to be friends with people, but you, keep in mind this is just you, do not get to choose, mainly because no sane human would go near your controlling ass.
Now, on the "heterosexual men are not “friends” with women they are waiting to smash." comment, you really need to stop sucking Andrew Tate's dick because that thought that men are only interested in sex is false, you may be only interested in sex, because you are a caveman (not the good kind, the kind that never leaves there mom's mancave/basement). Now with the generalizations on men, I really want to know who hurt you for you to think that, because it screams daddy issues to me.
In short, remember to empty your piss bottles, then you may have a very slightly better chance at meeting a real human woman!
anakedman1: She could be friends with a guy but wouldn’t get pass a second date with me. I would cut her loose. Move to the next woman. It’s as easy as that. Cut out the drama queens.
Mr_TheMagpie: Getting all caught up in another persons friends to the point that you would cut contact that quickly seems like you may be the drama queen to me. But what would I know, other than how to respect other people, relationships, and how to not be a womanizing creep.
anakedman1: Lol now you resort to name calling. I win go back to first grade.
Mr_TheMagpie: I would say the upvotes on my comments, and the downvotes would disagree with that logic. But whatever helps you sleep alone at night
anakedman1: Lol
| 12 | 0.416667 | |
1670521452 | 1670692311 | t3_zg5tls | t5_2to41 | 44 | [deleted]: TIFU by not knowing what a dick is
So today I was at my local grocery store with my girlfriend who had me get to know her and was going to buy some groceries, we got to the checkout and she bought the most expensive thing we were going to purchase in the store- a large pack of bacon, a large pack of eggs and a bag of cookies. We went to the bathrooms and I went to do my business and after I finished I decided to go back to check how everything was and I found myself a little disappointed. I went to the toilet but when I went to finish I heard a loud thud from my pants and I just ran away to the checkout to see what the fuck happened. Luckily it was just the door of my pants that fell, luckily it was only a small amount of blood and my pants were completely dry. My girlfriend is still traumatized and I'm feeling like shit.
TL;DR I fucked up by not knowing what a dick is
Edit: I know now what a dick is, thanks for the downvotes.
MSGRiley: I'm super curious what language this got translated to English from.
faintestsmile: no, they posted this yesterday its just a bunch of nonsense for attention
WaveCandid906: Its actually from r/SubSimulatorGPT2 / r/SubSimulatorGPT2Meta
| 4 | 11 | |
1672337523 | 1672358685 | t3_zyc0c7 | t5_2to41 | 10 | Hay-oooooo_Jabronies: TIFU - ordered from wrong takeaway with same name
Tifu - ordered from wrong takeaway with same name
So I went online to find the menu for our local chippy as they have a meal offer. Found a pic of the menu on Google image and then click webpages to find the number. Clicked what I thought was the local one, rang and placed my order.
Get to the chippy and I'm met with confused looks whilst they confirm there's no order. I checked and I rang a different place, the other side of the city. I ordered in my local one and shit out of ringing the original place to cancel incase they had a go at me ha.
When I asked for the meal deal (5 medium meals for £18 as my local one offers) they didn't say we don't do that or what do you mean, so I'm putting some blame on them as well
This happened to anyone else before?
TL:DR ordered from the wrong local takeaway and shit out calling to cancel once I realised.
JustPlaneNew: The other day I got food on Door Dash but I accidentally forgot to change the store to my local one and instead got the food from a store the next town over.
FewTransportation307: The driver must've have hated you
JustPlaneNew: It was an accident, but yeah I'm sure he was unhappy.
FewTransportation307: It's all good 😹
| 5 | 2 | |
1672341649 | 1672457117 | t3_zyds1w | t5_2to41 | 35 | I_ForgotMyOldAccount: TIFU by being a Fat Scrooge.
TL:DR at the bottom. But read this, it isn’t long.
So, as many of you know, after Christmas sales at the mall have officially started. One of the sales I like to indulge in the most is the Hickory Farms meat sets. While this set is usually $80, the set I was buying was 50% off. I decided to get two, one for me and one for my buddy. Along with some extra meat sticks, cause hey, sale right?
So I’m standing there with my Girlfriend at the checkout line. The total comes to $89.96 exactly. I’ve got my card out, ready to pay for my many delicious adult Lunchable sets.
Here is where the FU happens.
The lady at the checkout is SO NICE. She notices my Girlfriend’s earrings, compliments them, we have a very nice exchange about life. The cashier turns to me and says:
“Would you like to round up the four cents to help starving children?”
And she is SO sweet guys, I can’t emphasize that enough. However, I always say no to these types of sales in the checkout line. The company is a million dollar company, the charity isn’t always clean, you name it. Lots of reasons to say no.
But I instead, rather than just say no thanks, say:
“No they’re fine.”
Cashier is silent. Girlfriend is staring at me. I am shocked at my own callousness. My girlfriend tugs my sleeve and says “It’s just four cents.” I crappily
stammer out about how four cents wouldn’t matter and million dollar company’s yadayada.
I look like an ass, I get my bag, we start to go. The cashier pulls me aside and quiet says “Your fly is down.”
And it is. I fix it. We leave. I look like an ass.
Girlfriend and I are fine but man I looked Fuckin’ cruel.
TL;DR I was asked to save children from starving, I held $90 worth of meat and my hand and said “they’re fine.” Cue social shaming.
AcrobaticSource3: > The cashier pulls me aside and quiet says “Your fly is down”
If you donated the 4 cents, she also would have told you that your dick is big
MarkBenec: I don’t even want to imagine if he’d donated $4.
queeny_meany: She would have zipped it up for him. And for a $40 donation she would have done it with her teeth.
| 4 | 8.75 | |
1670526406 | 1670597031 | t3_zg851j | t5_2to41 | 637 | semajets: TIFU by Getting My Cat Hooked on Menthol
Allow me to recount one of my favourite fuck ups, from 2019...
It started out as a bit of love and attention whenever I brushed my teeth, this quiet purring beside me. It was so endearing at first. After a few weeks, it became more pronounced; she would be waiting for me in the bathroom, almost insistent, as if reminding me that it was important to brush.
Not realising what was going on at first, one night after I brushed I took a couple of Fisherman's Friend for a sore throat and went to bed, and this is where I fucked up... I gently exhaled, blowing that glorious, minty breath right into her face. She got one sniff of it and since then everything in our lives has changed.
From that moment on, every night when I'd go to bed she'd follow me across the room and lie on my chest purring at me. I'd take a couple of mints and she seemed happy and content. A few weeks on and her nose would get so wet each night that it'd start dripping, like condensation from a leaf... She'd start closing her eyes and squinting while she was lying there on my chest, like she was in heaven or something.
Then she started drooling at me *before* the mints were even taken from the pack each night, salivating with anticipation. That's when I thought we might have a problem.
A few weeks after that, she wasn't satisfied with lying there on my chest anymore, so she gets up in my grill every night purring so loudly her body is vibrating. She walks around all over the place, doing circles around my head, trampling on my throat. Of course, she does the cat thing and head butts me repeatedly, leaving cold snail's trails of cat snot smeared across my forehead and into my eye sockets... She stands on my throat and tries to shove her whole head into my mouth to get at the mints. She uses her front paws to try to pull my mouth open and everything. Resistance is futile. What I get is a face full of cat snot and drool and I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She doesn't care about consent. If I don't give her what she wants, she paces around the room and scowls disapprovingly. She won't let me sleep until she gets jacked. All I can really do is give her a slightly opened pack a few times a day, avoid making eye contact, and let her get high.
I do my best to manage her mood swings. She breaks shit in our apartment, she throws up, and not on the hardwood floor either like a loving dog, no... She does the psychopath cat thing. She finds something with fibres, woven, for maximum pain. She wants to know her bile will get right in there and it can't be cleaned easily, and she wants me to feel like it's my fault.
She's volatile. She's destructive. She's aggressive. She employs emotional blackmail every day. It's like she's a different animal. My cat is an addict.
Her menthol habit is destroying our loving home.
[Pictured Here](https://i.ibb.co/JKg6dCN/FB-IMG-1670521823389.jpg)
TL;DR accidentally got my cat hooked on menthol, and got absolutely violated.
thenry1234: Menthol/peppermint/wintergreen can be toxic to cats. You shouldn't let her near it.
semajets: Yes I understand that, there's more to this story. I let her breathe it but never actually ingest any of it. The story is obviously dramatised. Also I didn't want it to be sad, so I didn't mention she was dying, there was little we could do for her at this point, so if she had a little brief moment where she was in a happy place then we let her have it.
great_site_not: Tbh, I think it might have been better to mention that than to joke about how she was vomiting "on purpose"... some people actually believe cats do that :/
semajets: Vomit on purpose? Why would a cat do that? That's odd. People will believe almost anything I suppose.
bajan_queen_bee: Cats and dogs can puke on demand..
Cats to remove fur balls..
Dogs to remove something upset their tummies.
semajets: Yeah but that's not quite 'on purpose' ... they have a reason for doing that and it's important. If someone believes a cat throws up just to annoy you, they have an active imagination. Unless I misread the comments above, that's what I thought was being suggested.
bajan_queen_bee: Pukes to annoy.. yup active imagination..
I read it as a cat puking on purpose.. yes they do that..I have watched both my dogs and cats.. eat grass. Then puke..
Up comes something weird.🤣🤣
| 8 | 79.625 | |
1670527648 | 1670529439 | t3_zg8qzv | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: TIFU by teaching my Japanese friends a slur
[deleted]
IEmote: I'm sure you can dare a little by writing those "horribles" words. Because I'm not american and I don't know what you're talking about. Censorship of words it's such a stupid thing.
Kat1eQueen: First one is probably the n-word, second one is the first three letters of Japan.
hannie2kay: yep you're right on the first lol definitely gonna censor that one
| 4 | 1.75 | |
1672343019 | 1672346476 | t3_zyedan | t5_2to41 | 28 | Prex7ws: TIFU by taking my dog out for a walk too late at night
TL;DR at the end and the dog is fortunately okay.
So, this happened the week after my birthday. A year ago, on November 22nd, 2021, I was given a new phone for my birthday since my old one was very, VERY old (7-8 years), and I was for sure that I would never change the phone again for a very long time. However, EXACTLY a year + one day after I received this phone, on November 23rd, 2022, and as I said, a week after my birthday, things went very bad.
I have a dog, a yorkie, which I normally took out for a walk before us both heading to bed, this would be usually around 12 at midnight. My mother ALWAYS told me to take her (my dog) out for a walk sooner because there might be bad guys, and boy I should have listened a long time ago...
That night, I was reading a chapter of a book we had to read for a class activity next day, and I wanted to finish it so I could head directly to bed after taking a walk with my yorkie, so I stayed up until around 12:30 ish, and then went with her outside. Normally, whenever it is so late, I would never take the phone with me; however that night, I was very tired and noticed that my phone was in my pyjamas pocket when I was already on the streets, so I said "well, nothing should happen for one night, right?", I placed it in my pants (without pockets), tightened it with my boxers, and covered with my pyjamas. My yorkie finished doing her things, and we were then heading back home. Again, I was very tired, but there were three guys just in front of my apartment's door, right in front of my door was also my car, which I saw them putting plastic glasses and beer on it, so I asked them if it was theirs. They were already giving out bad vibes, but were very apologetic saying "Oh, sorry, we'll remove it right away", "sorry, man" and things like that so I thought that maybe they were good. Right after that, they were petting my dog and saying how pretty she was, which I thanked them for it. At this instant, I forgot about the phone in my pants for a moment and was focusing more on my dog being pet but also noticed that I was being surrounded by the other two guys. Later, the girl who was petting my dog would be asking me questions like, "what's her name?", "is it a boy or a girl?", "it's so cute", etc. so I played along until she suddenly said "Oh, I would love to take her home, you'll give her to me, right?". She suddenly started dragging my dog a little bit to her without a lot of force but enough to realise they are bad people. While the girl was dragging my dog, one of the guys was making me look his way, laughing as if everything was chill, but the other dude was kind of on my behind, and snatched my phone, when he snatched it, the girl dropped my dog from the air (only a few centimeters from the ground, the yorkie is okay) and they made a run for it in opposite directions. I quickly realised that my phone was missing, and went for the guy who snatched it but I completely lost him...
I went back home and told my sleeping parents what happened, it was already 1 AM, I called the police but they only told me to file a report at the nearest police station... My parents were not even mad, but disappointed, especially my mother because I did not listen to her... That night, my dad drove me to the police station to file the report, we looked at "Find My Device", and nothing, they already shut the device down, without being able to be traced... I felt pretty much like \*insert bad word\*, I wasted a lot of money from my parents for having something stolen just a year after that... I should have listened to my mother, and now I know have learnt my lesson the hard way.
Currently, the device has still not been located, but was online once to erase all my data but with no last known location... everyone is telling me to give up hope of finding it ever again and to move on, and I guess they are right. Time to move on.
TL;DR. Just a week after my birthday. My mom always told me to take me dog out sooner for a walk at night, but I never listened. I learnt the lesson the hard way by bringing my phone with me late that one night. I was surrounded by three bad people in front of my house, they tried to take my dog, and while distracted, they dropped my dog, snatched my phone and made a run for it. My dog is fine and okay, but I lost a birthday phone exactly one year later.
___Phreak___: It's just a phone. Nobody died.
Limp_Will16: Yeah, this is not the FU it could have been…
| 3 | 9.333333 | |
1670532985 | 1670536874 | t3_zgbc4l | t5_2to41 | 31 | [deleted]: TIFU by taking my girlfriend’s phone to the bathroom
[deleted]
ImperceptibleFerret: "I have this wierd habit of going through her chats" this isn't just a "wierd, quirky" habit, it's just not what people do in healthy relationships, and concerning behaviour. All you can do at this point is apologise. I truely wish the best for you and it may still be possible to rebuild trust in your relationship. And if the relationship can't be salvaged, then consider it a lesson learned. I don't mean to sound harsh but perhaps now is the time for some self reflection and growth.
KeepItWarmForMorn: "I've had this weird habit of regularly and repeatedly violating my partner's privacy to satisfy my own insecurity."
| 3 | 10.333333 | |
1670536804 | 1670684957 | t3_zgd5yi | t5_2to41 | 1,425 | [deleted]: TIFU by showing my friend my dick
[deleted]
gwendolberry: These people are not your friends
Bunnyman1000: You are certainly correct, but I was wrong it was on the group chat
commandrix: Go to your school counselor. They'll know how to handle the situation. And if nothing changes, that means they aren't doing their job.
Bunnyman1000: Yeah that’s what I’m thinking bout doing, I also talked to my friend who was messing around but now I see has changed for real and he wouldn’t accept the gift cards, so he will be a witness too
ILikeRedditNPrivacy: Question: When you say friend(s) do you mean some local kids you know or a group that you got to know on discord? Either way this is typical state or federal level. Anything distributed online and across state lines can be taken up with the FBI who can kick if down to the state division if needed.
I am so sorry this is happening to you. Thanks for reaching out. This is something to he handed swiftly and taken seriously.
Here's some helpful links:
Many cases of child porn are reported here
https://www.missingkids.org/gethelpnow/cybertipline
You can fill out a report online
https://report.cybertip.org/ or call 1-800-843-5678
Here's a tip for dealing with your content being online
https://www.missingkids.org/test/isyourexplicitcontentoutthere-bu
Here are some helpful resources for you, your family, and anyone in this situation.
https://www.missingkids.org/gethelpnow/support
https://www.fbi.gov/how-we-can-help-you/safety-resources/scams-and-safety/common-scams-and-crimes/sextortion
https://www.fbi.gov/how-we-can-help-you/victim-services
From their site:
"What do I do if this is happening to me?
If you are ready, reach out to the FBI at 1-800-CALL-FBI or report the crime online at tips.fbi.gov. Our agents see these cases a lot and have helped thousands of young people. Our goals are to stop the harassment, arrest the person behind the crime, and help you get the support you need."
Don't tell them what you're doing. They don't need a heads up so they can try to hide their crimes even more. Please get support through this but don't tell other kids because they will likely sound the alarm. Stick with a small circle trusted adults, support groups, agencies, and trained professionals. You don't want to alert anyone who doesn't need to know.
Bunnyman1000: Thanks, I have thought maybe not taking it too far just yet and will talk to the counselor, but I will definitely keep this in mind
Galactonug: If you raise this to an authority figure at school it will almost certainly go that far
Bunnyman1000: Your right but I think it will be better to start with him so that the punishment is not so severe and I think he’s worked with this before at my school, and easier contact with students
Galactonug: Whatever works for you, doesn't sound like a bad plan to me. Might be prudent to discuss it with your parents if they're understanding, it was just an accident after all. It wasn't that long ago I was a kid, I know how it feels to think about telling your parents things you'd never want to; but it's probably for the best that you do.
Only you know what is best in your heart though. Find your strength and move with purpose and before you know it this will just be a memory
Bunnyman1000: Yeah, I know but I’ll talk to the counselor and he will probaly help me and direct me
Galactonug: He will, but your parents will probably find out from your school or the police first if you don't tell them
Bunnyman1000: Ik
| 13 | 109.615385 | |
1670538980 | 1670539591 | t3_zge7sr | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU by repeating a racist joke
[deleted]
mozimov: Just tell them the truth. Explain that your friend group at school is predominantly black and is how you came to learn of the joke, which you never understood, and you thought this group of friends were referencing it, like a meme you'd just never really understood but heard in passing many times. Apologize for saying it and for not educating yourself better. That's the best you can do.
iwillbegonetoo: You're right. Hounestly my bigger fuck up was lying about it when there was an actual explanation and I hope they'll be able to forgive me for it. Thank you
| 3 | 1 | |
1670539411 | 1670539647 | t3_zgef3v | t5_2to41 | -1 | CayenneConsumer: TIFU by mistaking ashes as pepper
To give a bit of a backstory, my grandma passed away a couple months back (she was 82 and always very lovely, RIP).
She was cremated and we got the ashes. My wife had the flawless idea of turning grandma's old pepper grinder to an urn.
Fast forward to this morning, I was preparing breakfast for the kids (they love eggs and bacon). So I fried the eggs and bacon as usual. When it came time to season them, I grabbed the salt and pepper without paying further attention to it (worst mistake ever). After seasoning the breakfast, I served it to the kids like I do every morning. Nothing out of the ordinary until the kids started complaining of the taste. Like any reasonable adult I tasted the food aswell, and to my horror, it tasted like dust. I looked at the pepper grinder and realised it had been switched with the pepper urn. I felt nauseous and mad but I kept my cool and asked the kids if they had perhaps done something with the pepper grinder. My nine-year-old admitted he had changed their places because he thought they were both pepper grinders. I felt furious as we had just consumed the remainings of our beloved grandma. We still haven't recovered from this.
TL;DR: My children and I accidentally consumed our dead grandma's ashes
peacefulpiranha: This did not happen. :)
CayenneConsumer: It did, I still feel the bits grinding between my teeth
| 3 | -0.333333 | |
1670540058 | 1670556855 | t3_zgeq5t | t5_2to41 | 16 | [deleted]: TIFU My dad saw h*ntai on my phone
[deleted]
GeofryHempstain: >I went onto incognito and looked it up on hentai haven. I don't watch hentai at all but I do watch anime
Lie to your dad, don't lie to us bitch.
DangOlBdog: I’m fucking wheezing 😂
| 3 | 5.333333 | |
1670541160 | 1670542990 | t3_zgf9kk | t5_2to41 | 35 | Early_Artist1405: TIFU by telling a stupidly small lie that really bit me on the arse.
So this happened when I was in my early 20’s. I’m in my 60’s now so that long ago. I was a bit wild at the time, but not in a harmful way; other to myself. I was seeing someone , let’s call him Dave, for a couple of months but was losing interest. He was quite controlling, unstable, and a bit of an AH.
There was another guy I liked and one night he came into the pub I worked in. We ended up going for a long walk after the pub shut, just chatting and flirting. Nothing untoward, not even a kiss, but it did help me to decide that I was going to end things with Dave. The next day Dave came over and the first thing he asked was where was I the night before; he’d been waiting (un-arranged) outside my flat for me to come home from work, but had given up after an hour. I didn’t feel it was a good idea to tell him I’d been walking across the common with another man, so I lied with the first thing that came into my head, and said I’d been to a party. I then went on to finish the relationship, and although he wasn’t happy, he accepted it.
Fast forward a week or so. I’d started seeing the other guy, but only casually. I went to see the Rolling Stones at Wembley Stadium (what a gig!) and got back late. I was pretty wrecked, having consumed certain substances, and passed out in bed. An hour or so later the door bell rang. Now I was used to friends coming round at all hours, so didn’t think twice about answering the door. It was Dave. He seemed friendly, and I wasn’t really thinking anything other than happy, drug-fuelled thoughts, so I let him in.
My flat was what was then called a bedsit, but would now be called a studio. The bed was the first thing you came across when you came in the door, and I went and sat on it half under the covers and Dave sat on the end. I told him about the concert, but he was not really listening. He then asked me if I was seeing someone else. I said not really and it wasn’t his business anyway. He got aggressive and said that a friend of his had been at the party I’d told him I’d gone to, and had claimed that I’d been all over some guy. He then produced a knife, got on top of me, held it to my throat and demanded to know if I’d cheated on him at the party. The blessed party that never was.
I will admit to peeing myself just a bit at that point.
So here he was lying about knowing a non-existent friend, at a non-existent party, where I had not made out with a non-existent man and I couldn’t call him out on it because I had a knife at my throat.
So I lied about the lie. I said that I got pretty wasted at the party and couldn’t remember much, but this guy had been coming on strong and I left to get away from him. Dave threatened me some more, and generally scared the shit out of me for the next hour.
Eventually he calmed down a bit and I was able to talk rationally to him. I got him to put the knife away, made a coffee and told him how much he had scared me. He broke down and explained he had mental health issues (you think) and needed help, and needed it now.
To this day I cannot believe I did this, but I sat with him until morning and then walked up the road to the phone box and called, not the police, but the Samaritans, to try and find out how he could get help. There wasn’t much they could suggest; this was the early 1980’s and mental health support wasn’t really a thing back then. So I went back, convinced him to go home and passed out for the rest of the day.
And the stupidest lie of my life has become a fun story I tell at real parties when I’m struggling for small talk.
TL;DR Told a lie, ex lied about the lie and I had to lie some more as he had a knife at my throat.
eYan2541: What happened to Dave? Any idea?
Early_Artist1405: He moved away; I bumped in to him not long before and he apologised; also asked if we could go for a drink. I declined!
| 3 | 11.666667 | |
1670541663 | 1670600851 | t3_zgfi27 | t5_2to41 | 56 | couchthievery: TIFU by ragepeeing on my boyfriend's dining room carpet
I live with my bf, 'Mark'. Mark works at a law company. He loves his job and I'm sure he's going to rise to the top. He works crazy long hours and comes home exhausted but smiling. He often tells me about what he's working on (nothing private tho obviously, just general stuff) and about his colleagues, some of them are super conniving and mean. There's been some great stories about them.
He also has cool colleagues, but I haven't been able to meet them yet. I thought this was normal at first, but recently I don't think so. Mark and I have been together for a year now. I feel like I should have met his friends by now? And wouldn't they want to meet his boyfriend? Loads of times he's come home extra late from drinks with these friends but I'm never invited. He says they go straight from work so it would be weird if I came. Apparently no one else brings their SO either. I don't know, maybe it is normal but it sounds boring to go and chat with just the people you were with all day at work.
Anyway, two weeks ago he said he's hosting a dinner for these people at the house! And he said I can be there. He said the dinner is very important so it has to be amazing. We've deep cleaned the whole house (even the bits the guests probably won't go into) and spent hours planning the menu. He even bought a new lamp for the dining room and new placemats.
Today was the Big Day. I helped him prep all the food. Then, he was about go up and shower when he turns to me and says I've got to go out. I'm like what? He says I should go to the cinema or something and he'll text me after the guests have left to let me know when I can come home. He says he changed his mind about letting me stay and meet his friends. He said that he loves me but 'You're too weird, they won't understand'. That is the exact words he said. So I'm mad but he begs me to be understanding (lol) and promises to save me some food and whatever, so I agreed to go. He says thank you and then literally turns and runs upstairs to shower.
So I go upstairs too to grab my phone and I want to pee before I leave but he's locked the bathroom door. I knock but he tells me I can use the toilets at the cinema. This ticks me off because how hard is it to just unlock the door? You can literally reach the lock from the shower. Also maybe I'm not going to the cinema just because he told me to? But he won't let me in.
So I go downstairs and head for the door. I put my shoes and coat on and walk out and slam the door behind me. Oh wait. I did one more thing. I walked into the dining room, whipped it out and pissed from one side of the room to the other. Top ten most satisfying tbh.
I went to the cinema. Was watching the pre-trailer trailers when he started calling and messaging me like crazy (dw I put my phone on silent like a good boy). I was too scared to answer the calls anyway. He was messaging in all caps. He wrote that I'm a disgusting animal and should be put down. He said I've destroyed his chances and that we're done and that I'd better never come near his house ever again.
I didn't mean for this, I feel so bad. I just did a stupid. I'm a stupid person, okay? I didn't mean to mess things up for him.
tl;dr: bf excluded me from a dinner and meeting his friends because I'm 'too weird'. I peed on the floor 15 minutes before they were arriving.
GeofryHempstain: His friends don't know he's gay. And you are WAY TOO FUCKING WEIRD if your thought process involves pissing on his floor.
couchthievery: I don't have a thought process. Where can I buy one?
A few people suggested he's not out to them so I asked him. (After I posted he started messaging me to come home and clean the carpet so I did. Now it's the next morning, we're sleeping in.) He said they know he's gay but they don't know he's gay for a fucking headcase.
GeofryHempstain: You should apologize to him if you haven't already.
couchthievery: I have apologised yeah. He says I'm on 'probation' but he doesn't want to kick me out on the street. I made him breakfast. He's at work now. I'm having another go at cleaning the carpet because it still kinda smells...
GeofryHempstain: Pet stores make urine stain/odor removal products. It's gonna take some enzymes to break down the urea, you can also try mixing peroxide, couple tablespoons of baking soda, and a little dish detergent to help it lift and stick.
couchthievery: Enzymes... right. I failed chemistry but I'll give it a shot! Thank you so much, you're a beast. :)
GeofryHempstain: You're welcome, hope this is a funny story for you to tell people years down the road.
couchthievery: I hope so too!
| 9 | 6.222222 |
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