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1670704670 | 1670705992 | t3_zi2ubk | t5_2to41 | 21 | [deleted]: TIFU by infecting my girlfriend
[deleted]
tabshiftescape: Sounds like it’s time for apologies and communication all around.
THE_ORIGAL: The problem is that the teamwork quarrel from their part was that I was becoming too bossy and I don't need to give them work and from my part it was that when I no longer gave them work, they stopped doing anything... so it's not really a tie.
And with my girlfriend yeah, I tried, but it's hard. I don't know how to put a smile on her face after all that happened.
tabshiftescape: I’m sorry bud. These sound like pretty tough situations! I’m feeling for you.
Would it be helpful if I shared how I might approach them?
THE_ORIGAL: Yes please!
| 5 | 4.2 | |
1670847171 | 1671048662 | t3_zjxbno | t5_2to41 | 6,774 | Monsterburpqueen: TIFU by quoting Lord of the Rings
TL;DR at the bottom. Am on phone etc etc
I honestly think this is still very funny but I’m in a lot of trouble. My husband and I have been trying for a baby. It hasn’t been working out. We haven’t gone to a doctor or anything yet, but things have been disappointing. As a result, baby making time can SOMETIMES feel a little like a chore. Not that we aren’t attracted to each other or anything. It’s just that checking my ovulation and planning out ~special time~ means that I’m not always feeling totally into it. So obviously, the bedroom can have different vibes, and today I was in a silly goofy mood. I had reached a point where the big event wasn’t going to happen for me (I’m trying to keep this as PG as possible lol). But, I always say that it’s a lot like pizza. Even if you have bad pizza, you’re still happy to have pizza! Anyways, when my husband was ready to deliver the goods, if you will, I had a thought pop into my head. And that thought was of Sam at the top of the stairs leading to Mordor in Return of the King. He offers to help Frodo by taking the ring. So basically, right as my husband reached the finale this morning, I laugh and say “Share the load!” Like I do a weird accent and everything. I’m still laughing!!! It was a funny joke! He was very unhappy with the timing of that quote and left to work out without talking to me. He texted me later telling me how weird it was to say that, I was disrespectful, it’s just not the right moment. I concede all of those points, it was a mistake. But, I didn’t mean to make him feel weird, I just wanted to lighten the mood!
TL;DR I shout “Share the load!” (From LOTR) at the same moment my husband is about to try to impregnable me. He’s not talking to me and wants to take some time off trying for a baby.
Edit: I really thought only like 10 people would see this and think it was funny. Thank you for the awards and comments. There are some very very funny jokes and gifs in the comment thread. I won’t reply to probably anyone, but husband and I talked it out and we are laughing about the whole situation. I think we will take some time off trying for now, but if this was THE one I will definitely have to pick out a shire name for the kid right? Thank you for those that shared their fertility journeys as well, it was nice to hear that we aren’t alone.
TorontoDavid: Next time try a Gollum quote about wanting it raw and wriggling.
ClintWestwood1889: Gives it to us rawwww
Thrawn89: "Can we eats it, precious?"
afcagroo: She isn't going to get impregnable that way.
LederhosenUnicorn: Pregananant
NeoLudditeIT: Gregnate
Erewhynn: how prangent is formed
toxcrusadr: Girlfriend pregat ain’t had period
TerribleSupplier: Dangerops prangent sex! Will it hurt baby top of his head?
JackHungary1234: Preganté if you want a little Latin spice to it
| 11 | 615.818182 | |
1670709000 | 1670723546 | t3_zi4ofa | t5_2to41 | 179 | ricky90000: TIFU by saying a yo mama joke to an orphan
I (20m) was in the morning at the park and a kid came to me and said "yo mama so fat you need 5 trains and 2 bus to get to her good side" and i said "yo mama so fat,she can't even jump to a conclusion" then he started crying and running away
Later 2 orphanage staff members came to me and said "why did you made fun of an orphan?!His mother died of diabetes!"
And I said " well he started" .They started to call me an a-hole and saying "an orphan can't say bad things like a insult of a mother!" And i said "well if y'all beliven that parentless a-hole wouldn't say a yo mama joke, go get a parent to represent him not some dumb 16 year Olds on a low wage trying to get money to buy vapes
after I said that they called the police and I stayed at the police station for 6 hours
Sorry for bad english
TL;DR
PheonixGalaxy: Calm down satan 😂
I’ve never clicked so fast in my life, I swear you only see this stuff on tv
ricky90000: You clicked faster then a romanian taking a wallet
PheonixGalaxy: Bro I want your jokes 😂 you probably that one kid in a roast session nobody messes with
ricky90000: Ya mama so lazy
She taken 9 months to make a joke
PheonixGalaxy: Ya mama so ugly she makes blind kids look away
ricky90000: Yo mama is such a wh*re
You got more fathers then neurons
PheonixGalaxy: Yo mama so dumb she thought internet explorer was an tourist
ricky90000: Yo mama is so black
When she needed to get your shots
She gave you an M4
PheonixGalaxy: Ya mama so hairy when she cries people think she’s Chewbacca
| 10 | 17.9 | |
1671051902 | 1671071086 | t3_zm26il | t5_2to41 | 1,343 | jakobitz: TIFU by letting my kid take his knock-off toy robot to school
So today was my son's "Bring your favourite toy to school" day, the format was looking back through history at toys that children would receive at Christmas and compare them against toys they have today. When I pitched the idea of taking a toy to school my son instantly picked up his robot and said "I'm taking robot!".
My partner and I picked the robot up from a charity shop one day a while ago as a gift for being good and he chose this Transformers knock off that didn't have the batteries; but he fell in love with it. We never bought batteries for it because they required like 6 massive ones that we couldn't find anywhere and he wasn't that bothered about it making noises or lit up.
Anyway, this morning he gets dressed, grabs the robot and is ready to go. On the way to school we stop off at the shop and I buy these ridiculously big batteries so he can take it in working (I had no idea if it would actually do anything or if it would even work). Lone behold I stick the batteries in and it starts doing this light show, twirling and walking, he's going crazy, he loves it even more! I drop him off, he's glowing and he's there showing his friends his favourite toy.
Home time rolls around, I head up to his class expecting him to jump out of the room with robot in hand ready to tell me how much his friends loved his Optimus Amazon Prime. Nope. He steps out, miserable and defeated and hands me the toy which I noticed has been switched off by the button. "What's up mate?" I say to him, he replies with "I don't want my robot anymore!" he says with a quiver in his voice. "What happened?!" I ask him.
So it turns out that other than light up and walk and talk the robot speaks and it began speaking during his morning class. He and his friends noticed it repeating it's name constantly throughout the class, calling itself "ASS ROBOT". He, unknowing what it was saying started mimicking the robot saying "I'm Ass Robot!", his friends joining in with him, all chanting "I AM ASS ROBOT" to the teacher who I imagine was wondering what the hell was going on. After a good 10 minutes of this the teacher asks him to turn it off and ends up taking the batteries out to stop it from declaring it's undying ass appreciation. At some point his teacher finds the off button and puts the batteries in.
I can't believe it. I sent him to school with an explicit toy unknowingly, I'm cringing to myself inside, I feel so bad for him! If he was older this could have been super embarrassing to him, luckily his whole class shouting "ASS ROBOT" didn't affect his credibility in class, so theres that silver lining.
It turns out after much Googling I find the knock-off robot on a eBay under kids toys. Turns out it's not some explicit "Ass Robot" transformers knock off, it's actually declaring he's "Astrobot".
It's his last day at school tomorrow and I'm in two minds to mention it to his teacher when I take him in and telling her "Sorry about yesterday but it's shouting Astrobot... not ASS Robot" but maybe I should just leave it and hope she's blocked it out.
TL;DR - I sent my kid into school with a cheap Transformers knock-off only to find it shouting what we thought was inappropriate words.
striderwhite: They are not "knock-offs", they are called "3rd party" transformers nowadays!
JBTriple: Nope, this is a knockoff. 3rd party is a different field entirely.
striderwhite: Lines are often blurred in this case.
JBTriple: It's pretty straightforward actually
striderwhite: No. Not always.
JBTriple: Pretty much always. 3rd party are original designs made by companies other than Hasbro or Takara that actually make an attempt to be a quality product.
| 7 | 191.857143 | |
1670710224 | 1671127184 | t3_zi57bt | t5_2to41 | 190 | LizardE0: TIFU by "treating" my eye infection the night before a job interview
I (25 f) have had an eye infection on and off for the past 2 months. I even ended up in hospital at one point because it got so bad and they gave me antibiotic eyedrops along with some gel to soothe the itching at night (this is important later).
Anyway, I get an email inviting me to a job interview at 8:30am the next day which I accept. Only after accepting this did I realise it was happening again, the eye was getting angry. But, everything was fine because I caught it early enough to use the eye drops and stop myself having to go to an interview with a bright red glowing eye the next day. Or so I thought.
Just as I go to bed I remember, a-ha! I still have some of that wonderful soothing gel left, that will help! Which it probably would have done if I had remembered that 2 weeks ago I had wisdom tooth pain and bought a tube of Bonjela (a menthol, antiseptic numbing gel) to numb it.
I put Bonjela in my eye.
It stung worse than getting that mint and tea tree body wash on your bits. It burned like fire and I can't help but think that must be how Sauron feels.
So anyway, I ended up going to my interview looking like Terminator. The interviewer did say he hadn't even noticed when I brought it up, and I did get invited for a trial shift so I guess you could say...I'll be back
Tl:dr I thought I was treating my eye infection with a prescription gel but I actually put gel for mouth ulcers in my eyeball. Made it 100x worse and went to interview with a VERY red eye ;(
GhostNinja1373: Well i hope you get the job and i love your sense of humor 😄 high five
LizardE0: Thanks! I think I'm gonna turn the job down though, maybe i can jam a pencil in my eye for the next one 😂
GhostNinja1373: Lmfao wtf you want to pass out there and have them have to carry out? 😂
But im curious why you turning it down?
LizardE0: Decided it's not for me after the second interview. Just looking for something to pay the bills while I'm at uni but they want me to sign my soul away lol
GhostNinja1373: Oh dayum thats not good....you can sell your soul to me instead! I got cookies and smoothies 🥳 jk
Its always like that main reason i left my other job and why i learn not to do too much at a job or tell them you know too much cuz they take advantage of you. Beaides what are you currently studying? Just curious
| 6 | 31.666667 | |
1670703192 | 1670743931 | t3_zi28g5 | t5_2to41 | 20 | Gzana: TIFU by trying to educate someone else’s kid
22F here
I was contacted for giving private lessons in English to two kids, 6F and 8F.
The oldest had troubles understanding but was no problem to teach.
The youngest was a disrespectful nightmare. She was very disrespectful the first time but I thought “hey, maybe she’s not okay with strangers”. The next time I came, I brought pastries for her to soften her up. After around 20 minutes of private lessons, she called me a bitch and threw things at me. I told the dad that she should be put in a timeout. He told me he never punishes her, but was willing to learn, and put her in a time out. He had to physically restrain her in the time out. When she wouldn’t stay put, he asked me how I would do it (I have 6 years of babysitting experience).
So I sat her down crossed legged, sat behind her, and held her there. She was crying and screaming so loud, I’ve never seen anything like it. So we put her in her room. I had a long talk with the dad and she was banging on her door, almost to the point of breaking the mirror that was behind it. So I tried to sit her down again in time out; but I didn’t cross her legs. She was kicking against the wall, screaming and shouting. Now’s also the time to mention that her father was right there the entire time, not saying anything.
I am now fired, after the mom completely berated the dad (they’re divorced) because the girl has bruises on her feet, and I am very afraid that I might be sued.
TL;DR: i tried to put a kid in a time out and now I’m fired and might be sued
OldTez: I have zero confidence in the future of our civilization simply due to the fact that most kids are rotten little entitled disrespectful sh\*ts.
Beneficial_Tough3345: Mostly because they have never gotten their asses spanked
| 3 | 6.666667 | |
1672434364 | 1672437415 | t3_zzbisj | t5_2to41 | 16 | [deleted]: TIFU by sending my straight laced stepmother a picture of my bong
[deleted]
UndersizedSandwich: Better a picture of your bong than your dong.
Bubbagumpredditor: Maybe his dong was in his bong if it was.long.
Irate_Alligate1: That's just wrong.
OkVolume1: Let me see that thong-ong-ong-ong-ong.
Baby. That thong, thong, thong, thong, thong.
| 5 | 3.2 | |
1672436047 | 1672765794 | t3_zzc7av | t5_2to41 | 20 | i_am_dumb_asf: TIFU by telling my bestfriend (also ex and fwb) That i loved him.
Couple of months ago, my boyfriend broke up with me. He wasn’t a good person so i moved on surprisingly quick. Breaking up with him meant as well that i could unblock everybody i blocked for him (exs, friends, random people, etc) And one of them was my best friend and ex. We dated years before i dated this last ex, so i thought we both were over each other.
We chose to stay as best friends after our break up, since we wanted to keep each other in each others life, but this last ex made me block him.
I unblocked him, and we gained contact again after this last ex broke up with me. We were again best friends like if nothing had ever happened.
He invited me over one day and things took a wild turn. (so we agreed to be fwb)
Fast forward to today, he invited me over, which isn’t weird. And when we are doing our thing i let a “i love you” out. He stops, looks at me and says he loves me to (which caught me off guard since i thought he wouldn’t think much of it and would just continue). I told him it was a mistake but then he ignored me and kept going. I thought that when he finished he’d want to talk about it but after that he didn’t mention it at all while i was at his place.
Later today while going home he calls me and goes on about how much he loves me and how he knew i was going to come back. And even after i told him i didn’t mean it and that it just slipped out, he won’t stop texting me and calling me.
TLDR: Turned my bestfriend who’s also my ex into my Fwb, accidentally said i love you mid sx and now he’s saying he is in love with me. (i’m not in love with him)
MotoHULK: He's NEVER 'just a friend,' guys.
jonhatan-31-esparza: Couldn’t agree more. People think feelings can be turned on and off with a flip of a switch but the heart can be a treacherous thing. Feelings linger around until ready to engage even if very faint at first but can consume your mind whole after nurturing those same feelings.
MotoHULK: I know a gay dude who's a womans bff, and he told me she practices giving head on him.
I can hear Biz Markie every time I see that guy.
jonhatan-31-esparza: I always knew gay dudes couldn’t be trusted either. Acting gay is just another way of getting into the girls sleep overs, so I hear
MotoHULK: It's more like she can't be trusted lol
| 6 | 3.333333 | |
1672439990 | 1672498160 | t3_zzds8j | t5_2to41 | 257 | untitled_star: TIFU by letting a random person flush a toilet
TIFU by letting a random person flush a toilet
As the headline says, I (39F) let a random person come inside an apartment where I'm watching a friend's cat for the weekend. They (30s male) said they were with maintenance here to check the toilet. It seemed odd, as my friend didn't mention anything and the toilet is working well. I told them the toilet was working fine, and they insisted in coming in to check it, saying they needed to make notes. I said ok, and watched them walk into the hallway, almost walk into the bedroom, what was clearly wrong and redirected them to the bathroom. They flushed the toilet, then said it seems fine and then the left.
I texted my friend to let them know what had happened, and they were told by management that there isn't any maintenance staff working today. Now I'm kind of freaking out. I've checked all the doors and windows to make sure they are locked. Had I been at my own place, I wouldn't have answered the door, as I know better.
TL;DR I blindly let some random person come into an apartment without verification of who they said they were and flush the toilet.
eluciidation: maybe he flushed something down the toilet
TNellist: That's possible, maybe he was trying to get rid of drugs or something and asking to check/use someone's toilet would be a good opportunity to quickly dispose of them in someone else's toilet rather than flushing them down his own 🤷♂️
-Raskyl: .... this makes no sense, unless someone was in his bathroom, watching to make sure he didn't flush them. But if that was the case, why would they have let him leave the house?
And if he's being chased by the cops and entered the building. Dropping them almost anywhere would probably be enough, as long as the cops didn't see him drop them.
TNellist: Well he could just have a toilet fetish and get a kick out of flushing a stranger's toilet. Just hypothesising here, guess we'll never know the true reason!
| 5 | 51.4 | |
1672440846 | 1672483773 | t3_zze4cz | t5_2to41 | 379 | iamrayuu: TIFU by accidentally walking out of work
This just happened and I need a void to scream into because I am so embarrassed and I feel so stupid lol.
I work at a dispensary in a state that it is legal in obviously, and right now is one of the busiest times. As of writing this New Year’s eve literally tomorrow, and you know people are going to be coming to grab their mary jane for the parties and such.
It’s been a VERY busy day. I had 5 hours or so of sleep which isn’t too bad for me, but not great either. It’s also been a lot because of all the new product we received, which involved watching videos and taking quizzes so we had all the knowledge we needed to conduct sales.
Today I worked from 8:45a-4:45p(keep this in mind) which is what I usually do there because I enjoy having the rest of the day to get errands and make dinner. And at my dispensary we work on a sales floor and call people back so they can view the product and work with an knowledgeable sales person to get the best product for them so they aren’t sent home with something that will give them a bad experience.
During my time on the sales floor today, I took a look at the time and I… /THOUGHT/ I saw 4:40. 😶
I approached my manager during the chaos and asked if there was anything she would like me to do or any extra minutes I needed to do since we were supposed to make sure our position was filled if we were leaving. She said to do the daily cleaning and that was it. Usually we are always suggested to get our cleaning done. I did a check, and all was good. I didn’t think much of it and I’m sure she didn’t understand what I was implying due to how chaotic the store was this day.
At what I thought was 4:45, I went to punch out and proudly claimed “okay goons and goblins, I am out!” to which I joked with my shift lead who was in the room. He even said goodnight. I didn’t even notice the fucking big timer on the computer screen that said 3:45… THREE FOURTY FIVE, NOT FOUR FOURTY FIVE.
I drove home, no one realized I was leaving amongst the flurry of people. I somehow managed to get all the way home not knowing because my clock in my car is still an hour ahead because I still haven’t changed it since daylight savings time.
Said hi to my boyfriend, and then I went to go take care of things around the house. But then I froze in my tracks when I saw the time on the kitchen microwave.
It was 4:14pm
There was no way I left early right? The clocks were wrong, I thought! But I begin to freak out and flew downstairs to me and my boyfriends shared office and asked him what time was it?? He said it’s 4:15pm.
I was instantly in a panic and I grabbed my phone and instantly called my manager over the work phone, while she was also trying to call me on her personal phone. I blurted out what happened and apologized profusely and tried to figure out what to do. She obviously wasn’t pleased but also didn’t sound like she wanted my head on a stick, so for the most part I think this will go down just fine but if I get any discipline I totally deserve it and will take it without issue.
But I hate it! I left my coworkers short on a busy day! I look like a major idiot! I am so embarrassed! I get along with everyone just fine and work pretty hard, so this isn’t going to be my nail in the coffin or anything drastic like that, but man, what a fuck up!
TLDR: I read the clock wrong and punched out an hour before my shift was over and drove all the way home before I realized my mistake.
OchoZeroCinco: If anything bad happens, reply with, "why so angry? I thought stoners were cool and mellow. Let it go."
iamrayuu: I’ll tell you right now that working with a bunch of sober potheads is not what you think it is. Everyone’s stressed as hell and don’t even get me started on the customers! They are either the best person you’ve ever met or the worst, and there is no in between.
OchoZeroCinco: Ha.. that is entirely my point! It's a way to stick them without a good response. Lol.. i know from experience as my college roommate was one of the biggest dealers around, and despite the stereotype of laid back stoners, these people were some of the moodiest people around. Cannabis is so easy to get nowadayz most people are level now, but I love flipping switch on my friends when they get moody. 4:19 Tim is not like 4:21 Tim. Lol
OchoZeroCinco: How did i get downvoted from sharing real experience about cannabis and people? Damn, somebody needs a little dab.
DataSquid2: Because everything you wrote reads as passive aggressive and the general sentiment of your comments are really bad advice for a workplace regardless of it they likely smoke pot or not.
A simple "Yeah, I fucked up" is a lot better than pretty much anything else in a situation like OPs or for most workplaces in general. Substitute that with whatever language is appropriate for your workplace.
Taking ownership of your mistakes is just the easiest way to diffuse most workplace fuck ups.
OchoZeroCinco: I guess TIFU by offending someone on reddit.
AlfaBetaZulu: As a pothead it didn't come off passive aggressive to me. Didn't come off as anymore than a funny story. People on Reddit just have no sense of humor. The downvotes actually backup what you said even more. Lol
But don't let downvotes bother you. They mean nothing and are usually from people who just give them out for no valid reason.
Anyway hope you and everyone have a good day. But don't let a few bad apples get you down.
| 8 | 47.375 | |
1670718439 | 1670798610 | t3_zi8hf9 | t5_2to41 | 1,551 | morganlef: Tifu by not wearing a bra
This happened this morning.
For context, I gave birth a couple weeks ago and currently breastfeeding my newborn. My boob leakage over the last few days had lessened so I thought I'd throw off the nursing bra and let the ladies free for the first time in weeks.
Wally-Word sells these deliciously unhealthy breakfast burritos that I only eat when I need a pick-me-up in the morning. So I heat up my two sausage breakfast burritos and sit down at the table. The baby is calm and all is right in the world.
My burritos are sitting on the table in front of me. All of a sudden I feel a strong tingling in the nips and mount boobsuvious erupts. Milk starts shooting through my shirt and sprays all over my burritos! My husband was laughing at me as he sat there chowing down on his nice, unsoggy burritos. I was left with the dilemma of whether or not I should still eat them.
Still ate them. They were delicious. I regret nothing.
TL;DR didn't wear a bra and ended up with breast milk in my breakfast
Edit: book leakage lol changed to boob leakage
coffeebuzzbuzzz: I had to wear breast pads until my daughter weaned. You can leak when you hear a baby cry, and it doesn't have to be your own! That was a wonderful lesson I learned that day.
ringwraith6: Baby cry...cat yowl...dog howl...brakes squeal.... Damn near anything will do it to some folks.... <points to self>
gotsthepockets: Just thinking about my baby on accident and I'd start leaking.
But let me tell you, working as a postpartum nurse when you're breastfeeding leads to CONSTANT unwanted letdown
ringwraith6: You must've had to buy breast pads in bulk!
gotsthepockets: This is probably waaay more than you want to know...
I learned to press on my nipples when I felt the tingle of impending leakage and I'd hold it until the feeling passed. So I didn't really need pads once I learned that trick. I'm sure there's some reason why you aren't supposed to do it, but I couldn't deal with anymore milk circles on my boobs at any given moment.
morganlef: I'm going to have to try that!
gotsthepockets: I hope it works for you! It was a life changer for me
| 8 | 193.875 | |
1672443419 | 1672449085 | t3_zzf4xy | t5_2to41 | 2,339 | [deleted]: TIFU by telling my gf’s three older brothers about how rough their sister likes it [FINAL UPDATE]
[deleted]
TheMeltingDevil: I honestly thought he was going to fuck the mother for a sec
lostrealityuk: And then telling the brothers.
FLTDI: "I know I said your lil sis likes it rough, now I know where she got it from!"
| 4 | 584.75 | |
1670716625 | 1670724410 | t3_zi7s6c | t5_2to41 | 24 | [deleted]: TIFU by admiring a classic car and making my mother think I was gay
[deleted]
Jack_Rackam: Weaponise this to get her into watching WWE with you!
Son_of_Taco: https://youtu.be/p68w3BESrEA
| 3 | 8 | |
1672445348 | 1672453953 | t3_zzfw48 | t5_2to41 | 38 | frogger001: TIFU by discharging bladder fluid in my girlfriends daughters suitcase
I’m in Japan with my girlfriend, her daughter and her mother for vacation. Last night my girlfriend and I went out to go have some drinks and took part in an “all you can drink” package. Well, I have a tendency to sleep walk even when I’m not drinking but last night after coming back apparently I got up in the middle of the night, walked into the room of my gfs mother and daughter and proceeded to discharge bladder fluid in her suitcase. When I woke up I thought it was a dream until my gf told me she got a text from her daughter saying I peed in her suitcase. I’m mortified. They are cool about it but I told the daughter I’m taking her shopping today. This is unusual of me but fuck me…..
Also what is this 750 minimum character bullshit. I literally fucked up today and it doesn’t take 750 characters to explain why in a fuck up.
TL:DR discharged bladder fluid in my girlfriends daughters suitcase
Edited for the fourth time cus some words get me automatically removed.
Edit number who knows what: why I didn’t just say pee…there’s a dumb fucking rule that states any posts about pissing or peeing, it gets automatically removed, which mine did.
Typ1calAs1an123: you need to get to a doctor asap
little_loup: For sleepwalking? Meh...not really a "seek help immediately" situation.
Shinado_Akimu: True, just wait until you sleep walk into a doctor's office.
| 4 | 9.5 | |
1670723367 | 1670729357 | t3_ziae6o | t5_2to41 | 12 | ZealousidealRoyal698: TIFU by shitting my pants.
So.. as the title says, today I shit my pants, the only problem is I couldn’t stop it and I am so confused on how to feel and know I can’t tell anyone irl . I have been having stomach problems all day, you know the liquid kind.. so there I was, eating lunch with my cat and I thought I was letting it fart, next thing I know, BOOM, liquid poopoo in my underwear. Literally nothing bodily warned me that was happening, no stomach rumble, no feeling that you have to go, no stomach pain, nothing just straight poopoo. I was in a place that I didn’t have a backup pair of underwear either, I had to drive to my house to get some underwear after I had to throw my other pair away. So I had to drive (without underwear on) to my house and wash myself off. I feel so embarrassed about it and I feel so confused. No one was there when it happened luckily but this hasn’t happened to be since I was 6 and now I am 20. It’s baffling how there were no bodily signs that it would happen and then the fact that I had no spare underwear is embarrassing but it is something I have to take to my GRAVE and never tell anyone.
TL;DR: I pooped my pants and couldn’t stop it, had to drive home without underwear because I had to throw the dirty ones away and I can never tell anyone IRL any of this.
craz4cats: It happens to us all. I've learned to never trust a fart if my digestive system is feeling even slightly off. I once did the same thing as you described except i was eating with my roommate not my cat haha. We both had a laugh.
Reddit-username_here: Not to us all, no.
Edit: downvote if you want, but some of us don't shit on ourselves.
craz4cats: I really find that hard to believe.
Reddit-username_here: Believe what you want. Even when going through opiate withdrawals several times, having extreme diarrhea, I've not shit on myself since I was like 4 or something.
| 5 | 2.4 | |
1672448755 | 1672553062 | t3_zzh62j | t5_2to41 | 175 | Candid_Zebra265: TIFU by dying my hair bright pink the day before NYE...
...WITHOUT GLOVES. God damn it my hair is great but my hands are stained like nobody's business and I have tried everything I could think off... Oil, dish soap, regular soap, rubbing with all of the above and salt/sugar, rubbing with a rag until my hands felt like they were falling off, etc.
I look like I am becoming fucking Violet from Charlie's chocolate factory. My parents are gonna laugh at me, I am already very much ashamed of myself knowing that I have dyed my hair dozens of times, used this specific dye yesterday on my SD and spent half an hour washing the stains that were caused only by rinsing her head and had my hand stained even though I was actually wearing gloves yesterday. How dumb can I be that I can't be left alone for a few hours before fucking up big time.
Oh and to add to the humiliation, the whole extended family is going to be there because apparently my family doesn't celebrate Christmas as much as NYE.
My social anxiety is telling me that I cannot be the joke of the evening for 20+ persons without having a mental breakdown.
I definitely fucked up and should have waited until idk like Sunday before doing it.
BTW if there are ANY hairdressers or at home hair dyers that know some tricks please send them my way! I am on my knees begging at this point.
TL;DR : Dyed my hair bright pink, no gloves, my hands are stained and my family who loves to pick on people is definitely chosing me this year.
_alaskaa: Bro relax. You’re gonna be fine.
Candid_Zebra265: Would love to post pictures, my hands are a deep DEEP magenta all over 😅
_alaskaa: That’s hilarious. I wish I could see that.
20MMS07: Don't add fuel to the fire
_alaskaa: I didn’t mean that in a bad way bruh. I feel for them.
20MMS07: They'll understand... Maybe
| 7 | 25 | |
1672449637 | 1672451198 | t3_zzhhhz | t5_2to41 | 26 | marijuanacandymama: TIFU with my mom
Today I fucked up because I was annoyed that my mother was late to babysit. She is always late, always has something that prevents her from being on time and today it felt like she was lying to me about why she was late. So when she called I was short with her. When she arrived at my
house, she could tell something was off and asked what was up. I am 8 weeks pregnant and the hormones have me totally twisted and incredibly annoyed at everything everyone does. I snapped and said I thought she was
lying to me. I said I thought she was a liar my whole life and if she lies to everyone else why wouldn't she lie to me. In hindsight I realize I shouldn't have said anything but it was too late, the dragon was unleashed. It was a pretty big blow out with me bringing up things from my
childhood and more recently stuff that she has to me. (Example #1: don't be surprised if you loose the baby, you've been quite sick. Example #2 : it was your who decided to hang out with your friends before Christmas and now you all have covid so maybe you shouldn't have saw anyone) these are just two examples where I felt attacked and just given shit advice. When I told her
these things, she said she must be a terrible mother and had an excuse for everything. She also brought up my brother and how it's always a competition with him. I could go on and on but I really just want advice on how to fix this with my mom. She's a good mom, who is flawed of course but still a good mom who does anything to help us out when we need her and truly cares about us. But it feels like I've been letting these issues build and build and I've never said a word so
today when she asked what was up I couldn't hold back anymore. I wish I didn't even say anything because tonight when we came home she looked like she was crying all night and left really quickly. My parents and are close so this has really thrown us off and sometimes I just feel like things are better left unsaid and I just bury it deep down and maybe vent to my partner? I don't know...what should I do Reddit? How can I fix years of pent up childhood trauma and continued parental narcissism?
TLDR: I had a big fight with my mom, brought up so much childhood and recent stuff that I feel extremely guilty now and wish I hadn’t said anything. Kinda blame it on pregnant hormones but also not. How can I fix this?
NnyBees: For starters, if you need her there by 1:00 tell her 12:15.
Hormones may be why you said anything, but they didn't invent the things you remembered and brought up. You could try playing it off like "hormones have me blowing things out of proportion, but also things I didn't think bothered me apparently do."
You may need to find a way to communicate instead of bottling things up.
And yes, if you decide to go to big gatherings before traveling/holidays you are risking Christmas for a night of fun. You chose to roll the dice, don't blame your mom for pointing out a lesson that should be learned. I'm not risking my kids missing seeing the grandparents for belated Christmas by going out new years eve when we have a flight the next day.
Admit you're wrong for the things you're wrong about, apologize for how you handled things, express what you do appreciate, and propose a way you can better communicate in the future. That should help.
marijuanacandymama: Appreciate your response. Thank you I will take your advice and approach her with these suggestions in mind, in a much calmer manner.
NnyBees: Hope it helps. Good luck with the convo, and the pregnancy.
| 4 | 6.5 | |
1670725675 | 1670747826 | t3_zibj6p | t5_2to41 | 302 | throwaway1111000095: TIFU by getting stuck in my underwear.
Let me take you back 7 years ago.
I had just started dating my now ex. This day I decided to wear some cheap pair of laced underwear. Me and my now ex were making out and grinding against each other when their dad interrupted us. Several hours later and I urgently need to pee, I pull down but I can't get my uncomfortable panties off. That's when I look down and see that one of my flaps has managed to tangle itself in a small hole and swollen about 5x it's original size. I tried pulling even harder, which led it to burst like a grape, spraying blood on the bathroom wall. Pain. Forced myself to get up and scoure the bathroom cabinet for something sharp to cut open the underwear with. Managed to find a scissor. I then carefully removed bits by bits of the underwear until it was only a small thread around my flap. The scissor couldn't get in. Tried some more. Even more pain. At this point I'm laying dizzy on the bathroom floor, staring at the wall, crying from the pain and my only company being a house spider that had been observing me the whole time. I've given up at getting my vagina unstuck from the cheap underwear from hell. I realise that I have my phone, google "vagina stuck in underwear". No results. "stuck in underwear". No results either. I was hoping for a wikihow page on how to get unstuck but no. Only thing remotely close to what I was searching for was an article about a 5 year old boy who got his peepee stuck in his swimshorts and had to go to the hospital. Some more time is spent crying on the floor. I then stare at my phone with 911 dialed in. Only thing that's stopping me from pressing "call" is that I've only dated now ex for 1-2 months, they live in the middle of nowhere and I've only met their parents twice. They would be extremely worried if an ambulance showed up but at the same time I can't go down with nothing but a t-shirt on pointing at this now purple, broken, grape-looking flap with tears streaming down my face, asking them to take me to the hospital. Next bus is in 9 hours. I've now been in the bathroom for over an hour. I can't lay here for another 9 hours. My vagina won't survive. Managed to get up and search some more, I really didn't want to have to go to the hospital or tell their parents about my problem. finally found a tiny, tiny scissor used to cut eyebrows. Bit down hard, trying not to scream, and tugged it between the thread and the flap. Success. Put on my jeans and crabwalked out from the bathroom and in to my now exs bedroom. I was too ashamed to tell the truth when they asked me what took me so long so my dumbass said "...I passed out" which I now realise sounds like a lame excuse for "I had a bad case of diarrhea". How is my vagina today? The flap suffered some malformation after being strangled by laced underwear from hell and has a stylish scar. I do not recommend getting stuck in your underwear. Pain unlike anything I've ever experienced. 1/5 stars.
TLDR: pussy flap got stuck in laced underwear that had a small tear. Didn't realise it until hours later when I needed to pee. Pussy stuck in underwear. Crying on the floor. No wikihow on how to get unstuck. Crying even more. Cartoon lamp over head. Found scissor. Vagina now has scar.
QuadrupleABattery2: did you at least get to pee?
SomaFarkreath: the question we all have
| 3 | 100.666667 | |
1672450523 | 1672508820 | t3_zzhszn | t5_2to41 | 613 | FoldPsychological589: TIFU by going on a Grindr date
I had been chatting with a guy on Grindr for a few weeks and we had finally decided to meet in person at a local bar. I was nervous but excited, as I had never met anyone from the app before.
When I arrived at the bar, I saw the guy I had been talking to sitting at a table. I walked over and introduced myself, and he, we’ll call him Mike, stood up and shook my hand.
At first, the conversation was a bit awkward, but as we talked and had a few drinks, we started to relax and enjoy each other's company. We laughed and talked about all kinds of things, and I started to think that maybe this was going to be the start of something special.
But as the night went on, Mike started to get more and more aggressive. He would touch my arm or leg every time he made a point, and he kept leaning in closer and closer. I started to feel uncomfortable, but I didn't want to be rude, so I tried to brush it off.
Eventually, Mike leaned in and whispered in my ear that he wanted to take me home. I froze, not knowing what to do. I wasn't ready for that kind of intimacy with someone I had just met, but I didn't want to hurt Mike's feelings either.
Just as I was about to make an excuse, Mike leaned in and kissed me. I panicked and pushed him away, trying to explain that I wasn't ready for that. But Mike didn't seem to understand, and he grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the bar.
I was terrified, and I knew I had to get away from Mike as soon as possible. I managed to break free and ran out of the bar, not looking back until I was safely in my car and driving away.
As I drove home, I couldn't stop shaking. I had hoped that this would be a fun, exciting experience, but it had turned into a nightmare. I vowed to never meet anyone from a dating app again, and to always trust my instincts when it came to my own safety.
TLDR; guy was way to aggressive on first date and I ran out of the bar we met at.
grizzly-kim: Heads up Grindr is mostly a hook up app
lollipopfiend123: The real mvp right here
kn1ghtcliffe: Yeah, there's got to be dating apps for OP but Grindr is notorious for being for hookups. It makes tinder look like a marriage app by comparison.
Josquius: Tinder is that though right?
It's almost cliche the number of people sign up for easy sex... Get none of that. End up meeting the woman they marry.
kn1ghtcliffe: Yeah I've heard those kinds of stories but I've never actually met anyone who had that story. I think it may be clever background marketing by tinder to draw more people into their app.
Josquius: Well. Hi.
I went out with a few girls I met on tinder. Though only one could be set to have been pure hook up and that it.
Eventually matched with my partner on there - though tinder being tinder we didn't even meet and ran into each other completely independently.
A tonne of people I know have similar stories. Most people who met their SO after 25 or so actually.
kn1ghtcliffe: Tbf I did end up meeting a girl I could have seen myself ending up with but she had commitment issues that made that impossible.
I was looking for something more serious, she said she was just looking for something casual. She kept telling me I should keep seeing other people, like repeatedly telling me. I kept saying no until after a couple months of her saying this I gave in and did so. Then she got jealous and upset that I was doing exactly what she had been telling me to do for months. Then she denied ever doing so. 🙄 Oh well, the sex was great while it lasted and I eventually learned that she wanted kids while I seriously do not and that it wouldn't have worked out anyways.
| 8 | 76.625 | |
1672452998 | 1672472435 | t3_zziork | t5_2to41 | 10,498 | _B_Little_me: TIFU with my wife of 14 years
TIFU Over the last few years, after a pretty traumatic event, started to drink heavily. I am not the same person my wife met and fell in love with. I've had the plan to begin my path to an alcohol free life in 2023. But today happened.
I had a stressful morning. I had a drink. Then I went to the group I'm participating in to become alcohol free in 2023.
The one drink I had this AM, I beat myself up about and went to group for, was the landslide. I was feeling defeated and hopeless.
Unbeknownst to her, it was only one...and the group helped me not go for number 2.
However, when she got home, she wanted to chat about something…...related to my drinking, last week. I got super defensive and said things I shouldn't have.
After 14 years, she's now driving back to our hometown and won't talk to me. Her last text was 'I'm glad you plan to work on yourself, but maybe in a year, the universe and you will be in a better place to be together'
Today was the day I fucked up. I waited too long and expected too much.
Damn it.
TL;DR : I waited too long for help.
nickeypants: Been there. I dont blame her for stepping away. Stepping away from you is very different from stepping out of a marriage. She vowed to be with you in sickness. You're sick.
It is right for her to surround herself with healthy influence and safety. Send her letters once a week, and flowers once a month. Send her reciepts of your deprogramming. Ask that she stays true to you, as you will stay true to your recovery. And don't fuck up your recovery. Respect her wish, and ask her to come back after you have completed a sucessful year of health.
This isnt the end of your marriage, it is the beginning of your recovery.
Edit: Thanks for the award. I consider OPs commitment to sobriety and to returning to his wife as the man she loved to be the real wholesome moment.
VictosVertex: I can't agree with the points mentioned, so here is my opinion. First of all sending letters and flowers isn't respecting her need for distance since you literally pull her back in with every letter you write.
If she doesn't even respond now zhen make your stance clear - once - and be done with it. Wait for her reply and don't pressure her into the situation you got yourself into.
Secondly nobody except for her even knows whether she considers a divorce or not, so going by "you're sick and she vowed" is a very narrow-minded perspective in my eyes. Yes she vowed to be there in sickness but at the end of the day it's her health that's on the line as well.
If she can't handle it, then she can't handle it, end if story. We have to be real here, marriage is a nice concept and nice if it works, but it's a social construct. Mental and physical health however are actual real things and so is time. Also asking her to take him back after one year of recovery is not only selfish, it also puts unnecessary pressure on her, keeps her in the situation and puts his own focus on completing that one year.
He however shouldn't change for anyone but himself, anything else won't last anyways. If he changes for her and she won't take im back, then he'll likely end up being a mess all over again.
So instead of focusing on her, focus on yourself whether this is the end of something or not ultimately doesn't matter. Your life is about you, make the best of it by being the best you can be.
nickeypants: I hear your take but I disagree. A man is allowed to send 52 letters to his wife. She suggested the time limit for perhaps one year. Sending letters does not require a response from wife. She is free to be as distant as she wants. She doesnt have to open them if she doesn't want to. If "I need distance" means "you're not allwed to think about me, your wife, until I say you can", then the marriage has much more serious problems than his substance abuse. No contact or communication of effort will not improve OPs situatiom, and he is the one seeking advice here.
Yes, marriage is a social construct, but so are laws. Each has been used to degrees of sucess to achieve civility. Personally, marriage contracts dont mean jack to me but my vows sure do. I am who I say I am. If im not, then I'm nobody. Some people take their vows more seriously than others. Disappointingly few these days, but I digress.
They are married. By that reason alone, he is duty bound to try until papers are served.
turbovoid: I'm sorry, but there are laws against harassment and this is a really easy way of making the matters worse. She made it clear about how she feels. If he wants any chance at rebuilding this marriage, he has to respect how she feels because his habits were what hurt her. A husband doesn't own his wife and she doesn't own him. As someone who left an addict and grew up with an abusive alcoholic mother... let's say I'm 12.5 years without talking to my abusive alcoholic mother. I don't want to hear from my ex who begged me to stay. Neither of them got better. I would only consider it if they got better. Until then, leave me alone, you know?
I don't know OP's life, but if she physically left and won't respond, that's a pretty clear answer as to what she needs right now-- space and quiet, and someplace safe until they can proceed with whatever would be best.
Edit: OP, i believe in you. It takes time. Sober up for you! It's hard but worth it, i promise
nickeypants: Harassment requires that the person being communicated to asks the communicator to stop first. She hasnt done that. If she doesnt want to recieve any communication, silence is not enough to communicate that.
Continuing to attempt to communicate after it has been stated that further communication is not welcome is how harassment is defined by law.
If you wanted the guy to leave you alone, saying "yes" to a proposal of marriage was probably a bad start. As every husband on Earth knows, the silent treatment is not a communication of a wish to divorce.
turbovoid: This is a really odd way to out yourself
nickeypants: Attack the argument, not me.
turbovoid: Post history: you had to go to court a few years ago and complained about harassment charges your ex wife filed against you
nickeypants: I won the case. It turned out she was harassing me. I currently have a restraining order against her. That's why I know what harassment is.
You dug through my painful past for dirt. Once again, if you would like to debate, feel free to debate the point and not my character or personal experiences. Thanks.
Edit: to be clear for those who dont want to dig through my history either, it was a claim for sexual harassment against me towards my own two year old child. It was proven by my lawyers to be a maliciously made and knowingly false aspersion as a tactic in custody court. I was awarded custody. Make of that what you will.
turbovoid: Maybe don't write it on reddit, the place where people do go through post histories when something doesn't seem right
Have a great new year, I'm out
File_Corrupt: WTF. Even if your point is correct you literally just threw dirt like a petulant child. I guess you outed yourself as a complete asshole.
turbovoid: He's literally encouraging harassing a victim lmao id rather be an asshole than tell a recovering addict to harass his wife who deliberately decided to take time to herself
File_Corrupt: Yes. Your points were clear and I am completely with you. You are not an asshole for pointing that out, but for being the continued push and snarky responses following. You unearthed a place where this person was harassed themselves. And that really wasn't the bad part. You could have stopped there. No need to reply anymore. But instead you say don't post your dirty past on Reddit if you don't want to be harassed. Do you get the fucking irony?
| 14 | 749.857143 | |
1672453305 | 1672938501 | t3_zzislc | t5_2to41 | 8 | Afoolfortheeons: Tifu by creating a sex cult and getting tossed into the back of an FBI van
So this didn't happen today, but it's still a story worth telling. Long backstory turned short, I am schizoaffective and an acid trip once put me in a psychotic state for six years. In short, I came to believe the CIA had recruited me covertly for a mission. This mission in question? The official title I believed I had was messiah candidate; I thought I was to become famous with my writing, juggling, and performance art so I could awaken humanity from a deep slumber devoid of wisdom. Also I think I was a cop. It was a weird six years, I'll tell you that.
Over those peculiar, synchronous years where every moment felt like God was parting the Red Sea for me, I joined a cult that was posing as an environmental non-profit, before becoming homeless for three years as I traveled to the far ends of America on the whims of strange experiences with technology to see what it really was. All of it was training in my addled mind.
But, the mission I came to believe I was accomplishing was creating a sex cult. In reality, I was making an educational project to teach philosophy, spirituality, and mental health skills to incels, neets, and porn addicts here on Reddit, while simultaneously creating honeypots. Basically, I wrote inspirational shitposts in the character of a deranged cult leader and then attracted attention to my writing by trolling at an atomic level, saying the most fucked up things imaginable.
Here, you deserve a light-handed example:
*On a post about food* - Oh man, my sister makes something that looks just like that. Tastes great. Shame I'll never get to taste her cooking again. The doctors told me she died, but I know that they really took her from me because the government knew our children would be too powerful. If you're a red blooded American who doesn't like big brother sticking his nose in your private business, consider helping us at r/cultofcrazycrackheads. We're the number one organization trying to legalize ethical incest in the western world.
Imagine something like that where that is like a one outta ten on the fucked up scale randomly shotgunned out to the posts I felt the CIA was putting in the front of my feed. I felt the whole cosmos depended on me while I was writing furiously for days at a time in what some of us call the Synchronicity Slip Stream. That led to a consistent trickle of people going down the rabbit hole I created and learning how to self-actualize as my handler and teacher taught me as they did so.
While I was objectively successful in teaching, I was impulsively pushing boundaries to make the people I was trying to help feel that they weren't so broken as they might think. But, the Illuminati hadn't actually been in my brain; those years of my insane spiritual odyssey were not orchestrated by creating a Truman Show reality show around me and forcing me to make the best choices I could manage to perceive. So, the FBI got involved.
I was wondering when the stars would align and I would become famous when I got v& in the park. They asked me a few questions before cuffing me and bringing me to the hospital, where I stayed a week and got on my current medication. I still have strange experiences, and I have no clue what was actually going on that whole time, but because these and more experiences opened me to the conclusion that my heart makes better sense than my brain, I embrace the wisdom of the cornerstone and try to be the best version of myself as well.
I recognize now that what I was doing was offensive and triggering because it creates negative thoughts and emotions, and thus pain and suffering if someone stumbles into it unwillingly. I failed to properly understand how others would interpret what I did, being blinded by the perceived duty to help humanity that made everything seem like the most rational and effective solution to saving the world. There's a lot to be said about how I feel about all that, but basically I'm a fool. I can say I'm sorry a million times, but the best thing I can do is keep improving so I can be of the most service to my fellow passengers on this planetary vehicle. Be light and raise the vibrations of the garden the best I can, resting a better head than I woke up with just as negentropy does. May we all choose this life.
TL ; DR - trolled so hard because I believed the craziest things and bumped heads with the FBI as a result.
YeahButLike: I also…am schizoaffective and experienced drug-induced delusion and thought I was working with the CIA and president and would get famous from my writing etc…That I was being called to basically write a new bible.
Experienced some megalomania, but honestly….A lot of the things that happened independent of drugs can’t be properly explained, and I don’t bother talking about them the majority of the time, because it’s too unbelievable.
It still persists to some extent to this day, but I just blow it off.
I’m not about that life.
Afoolfortheeons: Oh that's awesome. Yea, there's a ton of us out there; there's plenty of people who will believe you. I wrote a book about my experiences; it's in the third draft now. I also am building an educational nonprofit to help spread my writing that I do on Reddit. I still get what we in the SLS call [The Synchronicity Slip Stream](https://www.reddit.com/r/ShrugLifeSyndicate/comments/uk8xru/the_synchronicity_slip_stream/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) at times, but I've learned to listen to my heart first. You should come over to r/ShrugLifeSyndicate and share your experiences.
YeahButLike: Oh, that’s relieving. I’ll head on over.
I’ve tried off and on to write my life story, but it’s so huge and heavy and fantastical, and I’m torn about whether or not to just pass it off as a work of fiction lol. I’d be interested in reading your work as well.
Afoolfortheeons: Well, if you'd like to see what peaks your fancy, I have [a document](https://docs.google.com/document/d/18J7ZBzKZBXviPmrshjwt-bUGQGBWcl65h8WfPMzDTNk/edit?usp=drivesdk) with my best writing over the past seven years. I like creating educational shitposts soaked in absurdist humor, but there's some serious stuff too. I'd love to see some of your writing, too.
| 5 | 1.6 | |
1672453935 | 1672457517 | t3_zzj0kw | t5_2to41 | 20 | [deleted]: TIFU by destroying my body and financial future
[deleted]
AcrobaticSource3: Someone help me out, what’s the sub where people post inspirational fitness progress? OP needs to scroll through that and get inspired that she is not destined to be 300 lbs, and that with dedication and focus, she can change her life
EDIT: found it, it’s r/progresspics
throwawayloser22002: Haven’t checked that one out, but I regularly am on r/lose it on my main account for the past few months. That’s helped quite a bit.
| 3 | 6.666667 | |
1670730601 | 1670735218 | t3_zidt8d | t5_2to41 | 51 | [deleted]: TIFU by trying to have really intense dreams and making my boyfriend think I was dying in the process
[deleted]
Akitten84: I remember having pretty vivid dreams on the patch, but oof, step 1 for a light smoker! No bueno. Maybe next time, if there is a next time, wait til you can find step 3.
You ever watch the Witches of Eastwick movie? I can picture your cherry aftermath… blegh
Darklord0711: Step 3? How do the steps work exactly again?
Akitten84: The patch is generally meant for heavy smokers who don’t want to/can’t quit cold turkey. Step 1 has the highest amount of nicotine in the patch. If I recall, each patch is worn for 24 hours, then after you use however many patches there are in the pack, you ideally move on to the Step 2 pack that has less nicotine, then on to step 3 that has the lowest amount, then hopefully you don’t need them anymore. I went through the steps a few times, myself.
| 4 | 12.75 | |
1672456695 | 1672505030 | t3_zzjyfn | t5_2to41 | 700 | SunnyGirl_TF2: TIFU By answering the phone with “whore”
For context I’m currently on a cruise with my fiancé and a bunch of my family. About 20-30 minutes before the incident, my sister had called my room phone. When she and I call each other, we’ll jokingly call each other fuckers, or asshole, or whatever. I’m sure you can tell where this is going…
I got a call on the room phone, it’s almost 10:00pm so I get up from my comfy bed to answer it. I pick up with a “What do you want whore?”
And some poor innocent lady responds with “uh, John?”
I of course apologize profusely and explain that I thought my sister was calling, and she just said “I guess I called the wrong room.” And hung up.
That’s it, nothing huge although the lady called again but I let it go to voicemail because I was already in bed again. I couldn’t stop laughing and woke my poor fiancé as a result.
TL:DR I answered the phone with “what do you want whore” thinking it was my sister but it was some poor lady trying to call John.
Khakikadet: That'd a fair response at that hour. You are forgiven.
basically_benny: At that hour? Almost 10pm.. I can't remember the last time I've been in bed before 10
Khakikadet: That's not a flex, I'm in bed at 9 every day.
basically_benny: It's not a flex, I just don't know many people who go to bed that early, especially on holidays.. My day is typically 8am-1am
Sir_Daxus: Good for you buddy.
tenshp0ts: Haha, 'buddy': the token word of the loser in real life who enjoys being rude online for no apparent reason!
Sir_Daxus: Good to know friend, i will remove this word from my dictionary to avoid being rude online in the future, it's a useless word anyway.
| 8 | 87.5 | |
1670734220 | 1670735355 | t3_ziffoy | t5_2to41 | 26 | jessassa: TIFU by being generous
Tl:Dr at the bottom.
I am one of those people who grew up poor. Single mom, small cupboard bedroom, missing meals and very few school supplies. That was all I knew in life.
Now as an adult, I'm actually ok. I have money saved up and don't live paycheck to paycheck, so everytime anyone needs anything, I'm there. Anytime anyone asks me for some spare change, I hand it over. Friends and family asking for loans, ill hand that cash over so quickly and don't expect it back because I was taught to not give something away if you want something back in return. I would randomly pay for people's food if I saw them struggling to pay at the till.
I just do things for people that I'd want done for me if I were in their shoes. I cant help it. It makes me feel good when I help anyone in the smallest way.
About 5 years ago, I was diagnosed with epilepsy. It sucked, but it didn't impact me too badly because of my medical aid package. Everything was included. Epilepsy was managed, a seizure here and there, but no biggy.
That's until lockdown hit. I went through a bad break up just before, then I couldn't leave my house, then a bunch of my friends and family were taken from me thanks to covid, and stress is my number one trigger. My seizures increased from about 1 a month to 3 a day. Meds changes weren't working and I went through 4 neurologists.
I then found a neurologist willing to help. Last year May, I went in for a long term EEG. The doctors picked up all the seizures and went "yup, you're having brain surgery this week". Welp..
So brain surgery went through and went well, but because of how intense it was, my medical aid didn't cover it. So goodbye savings.
I had to take out a loan to pay off the rest of my medical bills and I had to cancel all my monthly bills including my dog insurance. That was fine though because he's a healthy 2 year old and ill put him back on when my loan is done.
So things carry on as normal and I go on about my life, still handing out spare change, and helping anyone financially, wherever I can.
About a month ago, my dogs leg was really starting to hurt so I took him in to the vet. They didn't know what it was so he was sent off to a specialist. The specialist said he needed to do an operation to find the cause. Ah great, another bank loan to request when my brain surgery loan isn't complete. They do the op, and can't find anything. Once he's all healed up, he's all good and happy. That was until last week when he was in excruciating pain. Off to the specialist again because it must be his leg. The vet then told me it might not be that and did some further testing. Once the full body exam was done, the vet broke the news. Its his prostate.
He is a neutered boy so an infection isn't too likely. However, neutered dogs have a higher chance of getting prostate cancer. So they did a biopsy but it came back unclear. So guess who's going in to the vet on Monday for another surgical test for cancer? My first pup and best friend. If it I cancer, he only has 6 weeks to 6 months left and I am broken inside. I'm really hoping it's just an infection, although he will be on chronic meds and regular check ups. This is also racking up a huge bill now and another loan is needed. I now have less than $50 in my bank account, and empty savings account, and debt through my eyeballs.
Long story short, being a generous person and giving too much money away could leave you in a tough place when unexpected expenses come along. You can only really be generous as a multimillionaire.
TL:DR, I always give money away to people if I feel they're in need in any way. Including giant chunks of financial savings because it feels good to help people. Medical bills have now got in the way and I'm in great debt after giving too much money away.
Jassyladd311: Try asking others for help? Maybe if they are in a better place from your help they might help you back. Unfortunately you need to be almost selfish in this world. I'm sorry you're stuck in this spot from helping others. Kind people don't deserve this. But the world isn't kind
jessassa: Asking for help is a tough one for me, I feel like I'm in debt to anyone who helps me. It's silly, I know but an ongoing internal fight with myself haha
Jassyladd311: You're such a nice person to help others but if you feel as others aren't in debt to you then you need to stop being a hypocrite to yourself and take care of yourself.
jessassa: You're definitely right, I have to put myself first sometimes. It really is difficult though, I must say.
| 5 | 5.2 | |
1670735050 | 1670807478 | t3_zifu5o | t5_2to41 | 2 | Chalice_Man1987: TIFU by seriously hurting my family
My sister was feeling anxious. My mother is not the comprehending type so he told her to shut up. Sister started to get on my nerves so I jokingly called her 'impossible'. She took it seriously and something snapped. I told her she was mentally troubled.
Minutes later, we got into a fight, started because of an annoying laughter I was making. I hurt her seriously and my mother got herself into the fight. I hit her too amd she screamed at me to "GET OUT OF THE HOUSE". I ignored her and mom and sis proceed to go upstairs to calm down.
We were at my grandma's during all this, which made things worse. Grandmother saw everything and was heartbroken. Our dog also saw everything, glad she wasn't involved in the fight. Everyone except grandma (since I'm her favorite, something I'm not ashamed of but definitely not proud of either) proceeded to give me the silent treatment.
I don't know if my dad knows about this (he's currently in Pittsburgh). I know he will get very mad at me, and I deserve it, though I'm currently rethinking about my relationship with my sister. I thought I loved her, by showing her many signs of affection. However she seems not to love me back. She insults me, both jokingly and seriously, she refuses my affection signs and has even started to avoid my conversation topics. She currently has a boyfriend (her first one, no less) and seems to love him more than me. Moreover, whenever I get angry, I do all sorts of horrible things to her, which makes me question if I actually love her at all. Any help?
TL; DR: A fight between me, my mom and my sister has probably strained my relationship with both of them for life.
Brandanpk: Sounds like you have anger issues and that has pushed your sister away.
Go get therapy, I know that's a trope here, but for real, its your best shot at fixing your issues and your relationships with your family.
Chalice_Man1987: I went to therapy many times and it didn't help. Doesn't help that the therapists were unqualified.
Brandanpk: Then you didn't go to proper therapy.
Go to a qualified one and get actual therapy, not a councillor for it.
OlyScott: How do you find a qualified therapist?
Brandanpk: They'll either be called a psychologist or psychiatrist.
| 6 | 0.333333 | |
1672459511 | 1672460316 | t3_zzkvru | t5_2to41 | 50 | PghMe101: TIFU by ruining my wife's wedding bouquet
So I feel like I'm about ready to throw up and here's why.
My wife's wedding bouquet that she carried down the aisle almost 11 years ago was kept under a glass display case in a vase. It wasn't prepared for long storage like this at all but it has survived since our wedding day. Barely a petal has fallen off the bouquet.
It was kept on top of our bedroom dresser. A small 5x7 painting was leaning on it as well.
Well I was putting laundry away in the dresser and I walked by it and between the mild movements from opening and closing drawers and the vibration from just walking by the dresser, it fell off and was completely ruined.
Needless to say my wife is heartbroken that it was destroyed.
TL;DR My wife's 10yr old preserved wedding bouquet was ruined today
Pleed4U: Save the stem pieces if you have them still, recreate the bouquet (pref take a pic to a GOOD florist & explain this story), have them recreate then dry it (some florist will do this for a fee, you can do it, or a [service](https://www.keepsakefloral.com) ). Then take those scraps from the original boutique and if possible create a braid from the stems, if not dry out the scraps, break down and stick in a nice lace bag. Idk if this helps any but accidents happen! My original engagement rings was destroyed 😭 but I’ve got a recreation years later 😊
PghMe101: The bouquet was all naturally dried out already. I'm trying to find somebody locally who can maybe put it nicely under a display maybe in some epoxy
| 3 | 16.666667 | |
1670738430 | 1670740294 | t3_zihdyx | t5_2to41 | 29 | Jstrickland20: TIFU by not checking the math on my pay stubs
For context I work at a place where we get paid a set wage and a bonus depending on how well we do during our pay periods. Each worker gets a set percentage of that bonus depending on the job they are doing. My job was set for 40% of that bonus and for the 4+ years I’ve worked here my position was always known to get that 40%. Now, on the pay stub itself there isn’t a set hourly pay for that bonus pay, and instead just a lump sum for that bonus. So I never questioned whether or not I was getting was I was supposed to be getting, nor did I compare that amount with the other people in my same position. Until today when people were mentioning they were missing hours of that bonus pay, so while I was checking I decided to do the math on the lump sum of bonus I received… only to find out I was only getting a 30% bonus. After bringing it up with my boss, he informs me I never had received the 40% bonus I was told I would be getting. Meanwhile, the other workers in my same position HAVE gotten that 40%. Which means I didn’t get the bump to 40% after my first few months getting experienced in my role. So for the past 4 years I was getting 10% less than I should have been, which equals to at least $30,000. To add to the fuck up, the bonus system switched up, and the base % of bonus pay for my position was changed from 40% to 30%. So now I’m stuck at 30% with no opportunity to get the 40% that’s my coworkers have
TL;DR I never doubled check to see if I was getting paid what I should’ve and have missed out on getting $30,000+
AlexD51192: Fuck that, if you're in the US file a complaint with the department of labor.
They'll get your missed wages back.
Jstrickland20: In Canada, and the boss(not one in charge for when I was hired) simply said “no one said you were supposed to get 40%”
AlexD51192: I would still file a complaint with the Canadian department of labor if I was you. It they investigate it could bet you a decent chunk of cash. It not, you lose nothing. Your boss seems like a prick
AlexD51192: And don't just complain for yourself, inform them that you're employer also cheated other employees if they in fact did
| 5 | 5.8 | |
1672462969 | 1672466241 | t3_zzlyrv | t5_2to41 | 127 | Zeldon567: TIFU by giving myself a tap water enema while unknowingly having a ruptured appendix.
This happened on the 24th of December. The day prior, I was pushing carts at work and felt like I had some pretty bad constipation. I took some advil, which seemed to help, so I finished my shift and went home. The following morning on christmas eve, around 4am, I decided to try to give myself an enema with a reasonable amount of liquid, around the size of a large fist. After two of those I manage to poop and think "Finally some relief." Oh, how little I knew. Within a few seconds I feel like there's a bowling ball in my abdomen and a searing pain all throughout.
I scream at the top of my lungs. "AAAAAAAAAA!!! AAAAAAAAA!!! AAAAAAAAAA!!!!! FUCK FUCK SHIT SHIT FUCK FUCK!!!!!!" I sit doubled over the toilet, wailing for several minutes. Sweat begins to pour out of me as fast as it can and soon my mouth feels dry. After several minutes the adrenaline dulls the pain at least slightly, so I manage to take some advil and try to wait a moment to see if the pain will lessen before I figure out what to do next. There was no relief to be found. I stumble down the hall to my father's room, wailing and writhing in pain. I pound on his door, ask what the strongest pain medication he has is, and tell him I need a doctor.
After a moment, he begrudgingly gets dressed and tells me to get dressed and grab my phone and wallet. I put on flip flops, to which he protests. I tell him there's no way I'm getting socks and shoes on in my current state. I limp over and drag myself into the passenger seat, then my father drives me to the nearest emergency room. Every bump in the road hurt like FUCKING hell.
When we got to the hospital, I limped over to reception and quickly said "I gave myself a tap water enema and am in severe pain I need pain medication please." After a wait that felt like forever and explaining to a couple more people, I was rolled off in a wheelchair to an emergency room. After explaining a couple more times what happened and how desperate I was for pain medication they finally gave me some. Within minutes came the feeling of sweet relief.
Due to the profuse sweating from the adrenaline response, my mouth was dry and I was desperate for some water. After begging a few times, they allowed me one cup of ice chips. They didn't want me eating or drinking anything before the surgery that I was likely about to go through.
After a CT scan, they confirmed I had appendicitis. I was given an appendectomy that went smoothly.
There's a few things that people don't often mention about an appendectomy. I'm normally a side sleeper, but I had to become a back sleeper while my stomach healed. Also, hospital beds are impossible to get out of by yourself and I needed to get up to shit every couple of hours. There was a nearby, large, comfyish chair. I stacked 4 pillows on that so I could sleep in a reclined position and get up on my own.
The next thing I want to talk about is the gas. When an appendectomy is performed, they inflate your abdomen with nitrogen so they can see better. Thing is, a lot of that gas ends up stuck inside when they're done and it'll need to leave somehow. So it gets absorbed by the body and passed as gas. For the next three or four days, every couple hours, I had to get up and shit. The sound that follows sounds like the brass section of an orchestra totally blown out. "splrt-BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" Every. Couple. Hours.
I was in the hospital in a recovery room for 4 days. Every 8 hours I was scheduled tylenol. Every 4 hours I was allowed to request oxycodone. I took full advantage of it. The pain was almost as bad as before I went to the hospital. In my chair I phased in and out of sleep, interrupted by restroom breaks, blood tests, iv bags, and a couple visits from family. By the way, if someone is recovering from surgery, let them rest. You can visit when they're better. Rest is the best gift you can give them at that time.
Six days later and I'm almost back to 100%. Probably another week or so until I can go back to work. That enema hurt like fuck, but I'm glad it at least got my appendicitis found. \*sigh\* Merry fucking Christmas to me, I guess.
TLDR: Tap water enema on christmas eve leaves me doubled over in pain due to a previously unknown ruptured appendix, which I thought was constipation. Worst pain of my life bar none. 0/10 do not recommend.
&#x200B;
Edit: Repost because typo in title twice. \*facepalm\*
&#x200B;
Found the post operation summary. Posting a copy of it here without any identifying information.
DESCRIPTION OF PROCEDURE: The patient was taken to the operating room and placed on the table in supine position. After induction of general anesthesia, the abdomen prepped and draped in sterile fashion. Timeout was performed confirming the day and the patient as well as the procedure to be performed. A supraumbilical incision was then made, a Visiport was inserted into the abdomen under direct visualization, and the abdomen was insufflated to 15 mmHg pressure. Generalized inspection of the abdomen revealed there was frank pus seen throughout the abdomen. A left lower quadrant 5 mm trocar and 11 mm subxiphoid trocar are placed. We then identified the terminal ileum and the cecum. The appendix was not readily seen but with obtaining a Kitner dissector, we dissected two adherent loops of small bowel to the appendix diving deep. We were able to identify the tip of the appendix and pull it up and noticed the posterior aspect that had multiple areas of frank gangrene with probable perforation. We were able to free up back to the mesentery. The mesentery was then taken down using a LigaSure device. We dissected with the Maryland back to the base of the cecum. The base of the appendix at the cecum, an Endo-GIA stapler was then fired across the base and the appendix was removed via an EndoCatch bag. The area was copiously irrigated with all fluid suctioned out. We suctioned both gutters, taking care to remove as much pus as possible. This required several liters of fluid. After fully copiously irrigating the abdomen, the two 5 mm trocars were removed without evidence of any bleeding. The supraumbilical trocar was removed. The fascia was closed using a single stitch of #1 PDS. All skin incisions were closed using 3-0 Vicryl and Exofin glue. The patient was then taken from the operating room to recovery in stable condition to be admitted to the floor for IV antibiotics.
Jesus. I had no idea it was that bad. I'm lucky I'm not critically ill...
-Chris-V-: Well, I'm glad you're doing better. Tbh I'm not sure where the FU is in this post. It sucks that your appendix is no more, but that wasn't due to a fuckup.
Hope you have a better nye than Xmas.
Zeldon567: The fuck up was the tap water enema, which triggered unimaginable pain.
who-are-we-anyway: The pain was from your appendix rupturing, not an enema. I also don't know why you need to specify that it's a tap water enema.
Zeldon567: Seems like relevant information, as opposed to a store bought or mineral oil enema. Also, apparently it was ruptured for at least a couple days before that. That's what I was told, anyway. I had dull pains on my right side for months that came and went, so no idea when it ruptured.
| 5 | 25.4 | |
1670743659 | 1670816282 | t3_zijkqo | t5_2to41 | 411 | [deleted]: TIFU by lying during sexting
[deleted]
GeekyTricky: Just be honest man. It's better to not fit in with a person, than to be rejected for what you are not.
infini98: This
GeekyTricky: Happy cake day btw
BacilQadir715: Yes ur cake looks yummy 😋
I want to eat ur cake 😂
infini98: 🤣🤣🤣
| 6 | 68.5 | |
1670746896 | 1670749222 | t3_zikmee | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: Tifu by trying to resolve past problems while drunk
[deleted]
Street_Following6911: Sober up try for a ride home regret it tomorrow.
Hunter095421: Yeah I made it home Safely it just that I’m sitting outside just thinking about it ik that I fucked it just that i don’t know how I’m going to resolve it
Street_Following6911: Just remember not to start things drunk. It's hard especially if the issues are pressing but it will ruin the whole get together and any logical outcome for your problem. If the person is important to you send some flowers with a note asking to talk and apologize for the sloppy drunk argument regardless of who was at fault. If it doesn't really matter then just regret how it went down and have a cup of coffee tomorrow and cringe about the situation.
Hunter095421: This is what happened unfortunately but thank you for the advice I’m going to try and take nap to calm down at bit
Street_Following6911: Be safe. Don't drive drunk anymore.
| 6 | 1 | |
1670748848 | 1670782982 | t3_zilbdg | t5_2to41 | 8 | dd_phnx: TIFU by telling my FWB "I helped her with her stress"
Context: I have a close friend of mine, we know each other for 15 years and we live a few states away. She recently came to visit me when she applied for a job there. We eventually got intimate during her visit and we became FWB.
On to the main story:
I came home from a job I did for my brother-in-law until I made it home. Later on, I was messaging my FWB, letting her know that I was finally back. We continued having a conversation on text, and later on phone calls, because she had a couple issues to vent to me, while I was telling her how was my job. We spent hours talking until we talked about sexual experiences we had and how we both saw the topic.
Then, we eventually ended up having phone sex for about an hour. After we both finished and took a while before we reacted, I told her if she liked it, and then I mentioned if she liked that I helped her with her stress from work. She was rubbed the wrong way and wanted to end the call abruptly. I was then left with a feeling of regret that I picked the wrong words there, and my mind is now racing with a lot of stress if this will put a strain on our longtime friendship. I feel like I'm the biggest idiot for my poor choice of words.
TL;DR: I had a sex call with my FWB and stated that I "helped her with her work stress". She didn't take it too well and suddenly cut me out.
EDIT: I've been reading all your comments back and forth regarding my issue, and I think I owe you some additional information. Here is a list that should help clarifying the issue at hand:
1. Yep, she has a crush on me. Actually, we're attracted to each other, but since she works in the medical field, she doesn't have the time to commit to a relationship. In my case, I have some personal stuff I still need to work on, before I think of having a relationship. I actually asked, and I will quote, if we met under different circumstances, I would have liked to become a couple. She actually agreed on my point.
2. Based on that previous point, we agreed at the time to remain like this, while still supporting each other as much as we can. After all, we've been close friends for over 15 fucking years. It's not like, shit's gonna end up like that over my mess, as we also had differences before, which we eventually resolved.
MajestaHazel: If she was actually a close friend you wouldn’t become fuck buddies.
Massive-Airport-2320: Not true, per say.
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1670750388 | 1670752646 | t3_zilv5g | t5_2to41 | 5 | Throwaway146821: TIFU by telling my girlfriend I want to spend time with my friend [UPDATE]
[First post](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/zalzfb/tifu_by_telling_my_girlfriend_i_want_to_spend/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
This is an update so read the first post if you haven't already.
(If you're too lazy theres a TL;DR at the end)
I took up a person's advice from the post and tried to do something for her and she was genuinely happy. We watched movies (Not Lilo and Stitch cuz she insisted on watching it with my sister), made some sweets, it all felt like before. Until my aunt died (we were pretty close) and i distanced myself from my girlfriend especially whilst keeping some contact with my friends. That's where I fucked up.
My girlfriend kept trying to talk to me, asking me if I'm okay and other things. She pushed her studies back to be there for me, always checking up on me and sending me texts like "I can come back home if you need me" when she left. She had exams recently and she failed most of them and I realized that it was cause I didn't communicate and let her study. Her grades are a huge thing for her and for her they define her worth (she's the same one that helps me study and tells me that each wrong answer is a step to success). This has put immense stress on her and had an anxiety attack. She was rushed into ER and her heart was beating irregularly fast. They've made some tests and due to the stress and me not paying attention to her, as well as shit genetics and high blood pressure, she is likely to have heart failure. I pressured her into getting surgery if needed but she denied, saying that she'll get better.
I feel like I failed her, I thought we'd have time to spend later but I just realized that it might be too late. Yet I still distance myself more and more from her. She's sitting across me right now and laughing and sending me pictures of funny cats. I'm afraid of losing her.
TL;DR
My lack of attention to my girlfriend (as well as some other factors) made her sick and we may have less time to spend together.
Beardywan_Kenobeard: There's a lot to unpick here, you blaming yourself for her illness when you see the genetics are the cause, the fear of losing alongside not feeling like you're paying enough attention, her failing her studies whilst trying to support you. There's so much pressure on you both and it feels like everything in your lives are an impossible balancing act where there's little chance of winning.
I think you're both trapped in a kind of all or nothing spiral where if you both just relaxed a little everything would feel a little bit easier. If you really want to be together just enjoy being together alongside enjoying doing things apart. Your girlfriend can support you enough whilst not ruining her studies. Aim for good enough, not perfection as there's no such thing as perfection. Find the balance. In everything and if needed seek support elsewhere to fill in the gaps, either socially or professionally. My wife is wonderful and loving and kind and has an ongoing pain condition, so cannot support me as much as she wants to or I may need sometimes so I cherish the support she can give me and she is ok with me seeking help from friends so I don't overburden her. She struggles to accept some support I give her as she can tell herself I'm only saying it cos I love her, so I'm ok when her therapist tells her the exact same things cos I understand. Enjoy the imperfections and faults rather than worrying about them and trying to fix them all the time. You'll never find perfection and if you did it would be boring, as nothing important in life is devoid of struggle.
Throwaway146821: Thank you for your opinion. I don't blame myself for her genetics, but i blame myself for not spending enough time with her. I have a shit ton of time on my hands but i spend it all with my friends, and rarely spend it with my girlfriend (made the exception this week when i started again to spend time with her) And she also seeks help from her friends but I feel like I failed her as she doesn't ask for much, both emotionally and physically (She's been asking for more cuddles lately and just asks me to stay in the kitchen when she cooks, when we were shopping for gifts all she wanted was a 15$ teddy bear which i bought later when she wasn't around) and I can't seem to find a reason why I don't do as little as that for her.
Now that she is sick, she's stressing even more to not miss her meds and on top of that she also has her struggles (family, friends, etc) that she decides to ignore although it doesn't do her any good. I feel like I don't deserve her
Beardywan_Kenobeard: Then try simplifying it to some fairly straight forward questions. Do you love each other? Do you like spending time together? What do you find challenging about each other? Then get a good, clear picture of the relationship and ask is this what I want? Go with your gut. The head is too cold and the heart is too emotional, but your gut instinct is usually spot on.
Throwaway146821: Will do. She says she loves me dearly and often tells me that no matter how much I ignore her, she'll love me regardless which makes me feel even more like shit
Beardywan_Kenobeard: Then you're just insecure. You'll learn to live with it. I did.
| 6 | 0.833333 | |
1670750314 | 1670755365 | t3_zilu8m | t5_2to41 | 10 | Eviestevieoppar: TIFU by throwing away someone’s meal
So this happened 2ish years ago and I was reminded of it by my old coworkers.
I was working at a burger place and had around 2 hours left of my very slow shift when a man walked up to our door. I saw him set a bag down, think a big hiking bag, by the door, and he walked in. We had glass in front of the store so we could see customers approaching and so the people sitting on the benches outside could look in to see if we were waving at them to come get their order.
Anyway he sets his bag down, peeks in, and walks in. He comes to the register and says he is homeless and asks for the cheapest thing on the menu. Small fries were the cheapest so he orders them. He wasn’t very nice and kept complaining about the prices that we can’t change. He went and sat down at a table and turned his back and watched his bag. I was in a “floater” position so I went from doing buns to the fry station as we didn’t have any burger orders and I was the only one on the line who knew how to make fries at the moment. I made his fries and gave him a medium plus some extra on top because I wanted him to have some extra food in case this is the first meal he has had in a while or will have for the next few days. He rudely took his order after I called out to him several times, complained about how there weren’t enough, and sat down at his table. My slow shift continued.
Half an hour later he was still there, nibbling on his fries and looking through a newspaper he pulled out from somewhere. My manager came back from his lunch break, followed by the manager who will take over his shift in a couple hours, as well as the district manager and a supervisor to come check in on how things were going. They sit in the back room for half an hour, and the man sits in the lobby nibbling his fries for the same half hour. I get back to work as orders start to come in. 1 hour left of my shift.
It starts to get busy as Doordash orders are coming in and people are coming in to order as well. I notice the bag the guy left is gone, and so is he, but the fries and a metal water bottle he brought are still on the table. The district manager asks me to do a sweep of the lobby, so I go around wiping tables and sweeping up crushes fries and straws. I don’t touch his stuff though, thinking he might come back. 15 minutes go by and some people ask me if I could clean a table for them to sit at. It’s the table the guy was sitting at. I ask them to give me a moment. I gather my spray and towel and ask all the managers if I could clean the table even though there is stuff there. They peek their heads out the back room, look at the table, and say sure. I tell them there is a personal water bottle there too. They tell me to throw away the fries and wipe the table and to place the water bottle in the lost and found. I do as they say. The people who wanted to sit there never sat down because they got their food and left by the time I was done getting all the ketchup stains and salt and crumbs off the table and seats.
Not even 5 minutes after I’m done I’m chilling in the back room washing some dishes when I hear screaming at the register. It’s him. All 4 managers rush to the front and I peek around the corner. He is screaming at the poor register person that someone threw his food away while he was “quickly using the bathroom” and he was starting to crawl over the counter. 2 of the managers are yelling at him and pushing him away, 1 is comforting the crying register person, and the other runs to the phone to call security. I’m shaking in the back room close to tears as he screams profanities at us and makes scary threats. Some kind bystanders yell at him too, the manger who was on the phone throws his water bottle at him, and he eventually leaves and security catches him at the door.
After apologizing to the people in the store, the managers come to the back where I’m standing over the sink feeling like I’m gonna have my head dunked into the dirty water until I drown and then get fired and have my dead body thrown into the grease trap. District manger says my name and I start bawling. He laughes and says that it’s not my fault, and tells me that he should have sent one of the store managers to do the cleaning. One of the managers went to the bathroom the guy was in and found dookie stains on the floor, toilet, sink, even on the walls, as well as needles in the trash bin and a joint that was still steaming. I could still smell it and see the poor manager cleaning the walls as I left after my shift ended. The guy got banned and I quit the job a couple months later.
TLDR: man orders fries and I toss them away while he is taking a smokey poopy needle break.
RudeSprinkles1240: I'd love it if a TIFU occasionally didn't involve feces. I'm not squeamish, but an occasional shit free post would be great.
BinkoTheViking: Well, wish in one hand and….
….actually, never mind.
| 3 | 3.333333 | |
1672475754 | 1672503977 | t3_zzphr9 | t5_2to41 | 14 | KayLorDeeKumquat: TIFU by taking out my dog
I had decided to take my dog out for a walk. He was whining in his crate, so I took him out. Any other time, if I had ignored him, I'd get in trouble as well, but my dad isn't fond of me taking him out, and now I know why.
He did his business, bathroom and such. I had let go of his leash and let him run around, and that was my first mistake, because it was dark. For a while we ran around our yard together. Across our street is our neighbors and my dog is a very friendly pet. My second mistake was not noticing them at all, and assuming he'd know better. He started running around, really close to the street. I kept trying to go near him and catch his leash, to get him back, and call him over using his name and toys and anything but he wouldn't listen and he kept going further away. He got close to the road got scared and as he was turning back, a car had hit him. I thought he had died and I was screaming and crying but he didn't. He had ran back to me barking and he never barks. I was making sure he was okay and I was crying.
He broke his hind leg, in two different places. I didn't notice and I assumed he only got scared instead of hit, not until we went inside and he was limping, because like I said it was dark.
I let my dog, my own baby get hit by a car. He's in so much pain.
My family and I can't afford his surgery, and it's all my fault.
I helped pay for his medicine, and his vet visit, but I can't do anything else. I feel so sick of myself.
The guilt is eating me alive and I have so much hate for myself. I don't want our dog to die. He's in pain and id do anything right now to take it away. In all honesty I wish it was me that got hit and not him. Instead I stood there and watched, because I was scared. I shouldn't have taken him out, I should've just stayed inside. I could've gotten anyone else to do it, but I didn't. And now our dog and my family have to suffer because of my carelessness and my actions.
TL;DR
I fucked up and took my dog outside and he ended up getting hit by a car, breaking his leg.
Ok-Vacation-2688: This was NOT your fault. Sometimes we make innocent choices, and the worst outcome happens.
Now that you know firsthand the risk, you can choose to make different choices in the future. That's the point of life.
Praying for a quick and full recovery for your pup. And hoping you can forgive yourself.
KayLorDeeKumquat: Thank you for the kid words. It means so much. I'm not a religious person but I've been finding myself praying, waiting on a miracle of some sort.
OberonPrimeGX: In my 37 years I have learned at least one thing: sincere, genuine honest prayers are very rare. And they are always heard.
*Keep praying*
| 4 | 3.5 | |
1672473505 | 1672486462 | t3_zzox5h | t5_2to41 | 10 | awrfnia: TIFU for confronting my aunty about eaten chocolates.
I (26f) live next door to my aunty (65f) and have my cousin (27f) staying with me temporarily with her 4 daughters (between the ages of 3-8) whilst she moves into her new house.
I just got back from holiday and got them all boxes of chocolates as well as chocolates for my friends.
This morning, I found the chocolates I bought for my friends eaten and gone. So I confronted my cousin, who I assumed gave it to her kids, as they usually finish all the candy I have at home.
I told her that the boxes of chocolates were for my friends and she should’ve have checked with me before giving them to her children. She then told me that the nanny, who’s helping her out, allowed the kids to them because my aunty to lives next door gave it to them when I wasn’t home yesterday.
I then confronted my aunty (who has a reputation of being overly defensive) about the situation.
I texted: “Hi aunty, I heard you gave the kids the chocolates I bought on my holiday. They were gifts for my friends and i would have appreciated it if you asked me for permission before giving it to other people. I’m really upset about this, because they were not yours to take or give”
She then responded with “never” and proceeded to text me vulgarities about how I was pissing her off and she’s gonna “fuck up the nanny” when she got back home.
I then contacted my cousin who responded with “oh I think my daughter who told me that our aunty gave her permission lied.”
I then had a phone call from my mother, who got a message my aunt, about how I was quick to jump to conclusions without checking with the kids again. And then my mother was nagging me about how I shouldn’t have confronted my aunty cause she’s ‘sensitive’.
At this point I’m very confused and frustrated because I just want my family to respect my boundaries and not blow stuff out of proportion. And am now waiting for my aunty to get home so I can clear the air but she’s one to hold grudges so who knows what’s going to happen. Sigh…
TL;DR my niece lied about having permission to eat some chocolates from my aunty, and my aunty got upset and blew it all out of proportion.
MaleficentPizza5444: Cut off contact with 'auntie
awrfnia: Really want to but she lives right next to me, so it’s kind of hard
| 3 | 3.333333 | |
1672481139 | 1672524262 | t3_zzqsan | t5_2to41 | 13,129 | CanHistorical6434: TIFU by not understanding the male anatomy
TIFU by completely misunderstanding male anatomy
This happened to me (25F) yesterday. My male partner had made some kind of movement to put his little hanging friends in a bad position. After making some loud noises and readjusting he said something along the lines of: "you'd think I'd know how the handle them they've been hanging for 30 years"
Well me, thinking I was very clever, said "well, only really since high school. When did yours drop?" He burst out laughing and I still didn't understand because I had always heard of it being referred to as a males ball's dropping.
FYI that does not happen, and apparently men find the idea of them just popping out one day hilarious. I suddenly sympathise with the men who don't understand periods.
I got about 5 minutes of straight laughter and am sure he will bring this up many times in the years to come.
TL:DR - I thought men's testicles were inside the body and dropped out during puberty, they don't.
JoyBoyIndigo: wait until she find out our penis falls off around puberty and our adult penis grows in
sexytalk128: Some do *sigh*
JoyBoyIndigo: a spider bit my dick as a kid. yeah. like, right on the top of the cock.
sexytalk128: May your new one be less spider accessible.
JoyBoyIndigo: my friend says i suffer from post traumatic spider dick. i may have outgrown the old one, but the pain remains.
sexytalk128: Spider dick, spider dick, does whatever a spider dick does....
JoyBoyIndigo: you walk into your apartment after a long days work. in the corner of your eye you notice a penis shaped shadow in the upper corner of the room. you glance up to the horror before you
***spider dick hisses***
sexytalk128: Yikes! Hope he has no venom, or there'll be carnage.
JoyBoyIndigo: nah, i was imagining a goofy type comedy just with a scary start. false alarm.
My Roommate is a spider dick
sexytalk128: Hope 2023 features less arachnid-genital interaction.
JoyBoyIndigo: nope, that's a pre-2020 hope
| 12 | 1,094.083333 | |
1670755209 | 1670756808 | t3_zinkwj | t5_2to41 | 8 | [deleted]: TIFU By learning something about myself
[deleted]
Yeeter_Supreme: yo i havent read this yet but the tldr doesnt bode all that wel
edit: great copypasta my guy
LeoTerick: if only it was
Yeeter_Supreme: there are three possibilities:
- its a copypasta
- you wrote this in the span of two years
- you are a terrible writer that doesnt know how time works
choose the one that is correct, because one of them has to be
LeoTerick: seems to be the last one then
Yeeter_Supreme: then please enlighten me on what "two years after" refers to
LeoTerick: graduation
| 7 | 1.142857 | |
1672481032 | 1672538695 | t3_zzqrcs | t5_2to41 | 24 | caii420: tifu by going into the er bc health link told us to.
apologies in advance, i'm on mobile & apparently that makes a difference haha
for over a month now i (18f) have been pretty sick, i won't get into that as it's not what the post is about. for context, i have some trauma with hospitals & don't deal with being in them very well. i get overstimulated & have a panic attack that lasts until i leave.
well, the health link/line told us to come into the er; even though i really didn't think i need to be here i came in with my dad anyway. everything is typical until the doctor sees that im diagnosed with bipolar. his whole attitude towards me changed & he told me im now not allowed to leave because i "am a possible danger to self/others". WHAT? i came in to make sure my body isn't shutting down & this is what i get?
well now it's 3am, i haven't stopped sobbing my eyes out, i have to talk to the psych team in the morning as well as more tests on what could be wrong. if it wasn't for that doctor being a dick, all my tests would be long done & i would be at home in my bed, peacefully sleeping.
so, yeah. never coming into the hospital again no matter how bad it is. also going to keep my talking to a minimum because my dad told me that when i told him i wanted to commit awhile ago i was just being manipulative.
i just wanted help man.
tldr; awful pain everywhere. went to er. doc sees i’m bipolar & detains me. wtf.
UPDATE: realized this isn’t my fault bc the pysch doc laughed & said it was ridiculous that he detained me. all my other tests were done so he apologized on his behalf & sent me on my way
LaineValentine: Sweet fuck I’m sorry that doctor thinks you’re dangerous. Please tell them you want a different doctor !
Do you have anyone there to help you ? Do you need help to find a way to complain? Some hospitals have places to put comment cards for the staff and no one will do anything about this behavior unless we report every instance.
Sometimes it takes multiple reports :C
I hope they at least can help with what actually brought you there and you’ll be home eventually.
Please don’t let one incompetent jackass turn you away from healthcare. It gets more important as you get older 😞 Be as firm as you can that you no longer trust this doctor to care for you. They have plenty. You don’t need THAT one.
caii420: in the morning i will try to request someone else, and i’ll look into seeing if they have anywhere to anonymously send a complaint or something.
i have experiences like this every single time i come in sadly, the healthcare system in alberta is beyond fucked & putting it frankly they do not care about their patients. so it’s hard for me to see the point in coming in again, unless i end up moving somewhere completely different
LaineValentine: Man, again I’m so sorry. I’m in Texas and had a psychologist ruin my young life with a misdiagnosis ( psych issue that was actually a thyroid issue. It’s too late to sue his ass now and I have extra health complications from it🙃)
Tho I’d highly suggest you find a regular doctor, my sleep deprived brain forgot ER docs tend to be assholes because they don’t follow up with anyone and never have any actual relationship to patients. They’re usually overworked and just want you out of their way, which is part burn out and part them choosing to take it out on everyone else instead. But it seems like this guy might just have a bias against mental disorders.
caii420: i’m sorry to hear that :( hopefully you’re healing well !
and yeah i’ve been trying but sadly every family doc we’ve had ends up retiring. and yeah tbh i think this guy was just biased, if he just went on with the actual issue instead of bring my mental health into it i would’ve been out of his hair far sooner
LaineValentine: Lmao I’m seriously proud of you for not making it worse by giving him hell 😂👍 and it’s been like 25 years for me so I think I’m alright in the end.
caii420: oh it differently triggered that bipolar rage but he just got security to deal with me 🙄 but at least i’m out now waiting for some bomb ass chinese food
and i’m glad to hear you’re alright
LaineValentine: Bahahaha I feel you the low thyroid gave me a rage like no other 😂. No one understands the choice it is to not choose violence.
I’m glad they let you out before next year!
| 8 | 3 | |
1672483659 | 1672483920 | t3_zzrfpm | t5_2to41 | 16 | [deleted]: TIFU getting drunk on my birthday
[deleted]
teastreet: Did you get your phone back in the end?
AITA-grandpa: Nope. My mom ended up buying me a new one as a birthday present.
teastreet: Sounds like you’ve got “the fear”. Basically you got so drunk you can’t remember and paranoia fills in the blanks. If you’re friends say it’s alright don’t worry about it and move on.
| 4 | 4 | |
1670753800 | 1670760206 | t3_zin31q | t5_2to41 | 43 | PM_ME_YOUR_APP_IDEA: TIFU by breaking my friend's TV, spilling wine on their carpet, and getting food poisoning at their party
It all started when I received an invitation to a party at my friend's house. I was excited to go and catch up with old friends, but little did I know that it would be a night to remember for all the wrong reasons.
When I arrived at the party, things seemed to be going well. We were having a great time catching up and laughing over old memories. But then, something happened that changed the course of the night.
I was trying to impress everyone by showing off my skills at a game we were playing on my friend's TV, when I accidentally tripped and fell into the TV, breaking it. I was mortified and apologized profusely to my friend, but the damage was done.
To make matters worse, I decided to grab a glass of red wine to calm my nerves. However, as I was walking back to my seat, I tripped again and spilled the entire glass of wine onto my friend's white carpet. I could see the anger and frustration on my friend's face, and I knew I had really messed up.
To top it all off, we ordered some leftover pizza from a nearby restaurant and I ended up getting food poisoning from it. I spent the rest of the night feeling sick and miserable, and eventually had to excuse myself to use the bathroom.
But it didn't end there. I ended up throwing up all over my friend's bathroom, making an even bigger mess. My friends called an ambulance and I ended up spending the night in the hospital, feeling embarrassed and ashamed.
Despite everything that happened, my friends were surprisingly understanding and forgiving. They helped me clean up the mess and even visited me in the hospital. It was a humbling experience, and I learned to be more careful and mindful in the future.
TL;DR: I went to a friend's house for a party and ended up accidentally breaking their TV, spilling red wine all over their white carpet, and getting food poisoning from the leftover pizza we ordered. To top it all off, I threw up all over their bathroom and had to spend the night in the hospital.
sartres-shart: How can you order leftover pizza?
Is this a new phase in the slow slide to our dystopian future I haven't heard about?
da_cutti: They maybe ordered with the app "to good to go" it's usually a really good experience to get a shit load of ok Food for a bargain.
| 3 | 14.333333 | |
1670754310 | 1670757962 | t3_zin9p8 | t5_2to41 | 1 | [deleted]: TIFU by asking GOD for help
[deleted]
N3CRO-LAN: What the fuck did i read ? Bro ?
Jealous-Appeal-4612: I was not the smartest kid :))
| 3 | 0.333333 | |
1672483953 | 1672488611 | t3_zzriiy | t5_2to41 | 452 | Much_Eye_4445: TIFU by accidently asking two girls out at the same time even though I actually fancy their friend
I have just moved country and have been working a temporary job which just ended. On my way out I asked a few people (guys and girls) to stay in touch without thinking about how it might be misconstrued. Being on the spectrum it can be hard to read social cues and I sometimes don't think things through or realise until much later. I gave my number to two girls I was interested in being friends with, and then after I left I realised it probably looked like I was asking them BOTH out at the same time as they were literally standing next to each other. Worst part is I fancy their friend and she knows I fancy her because I asked her out so now probably thinks I am just a player when I was genuinely just trying to keep in touch with people because I just moved here and don't have many friends.
TLDR I gave two girls my number in the hopes of making more friends as i've just moved here. Now I look like a player to the girl I actually like.
ChiSandTwitch: You're overthinking it dude. And you know you are
Much_Eye_4445: Maybe! I think my issue is I didn't actually tell them any of this, I just assumed they'd think I was being friendly, and in hindsight the reaction I got was definitely like I had just asked someone out...
ChiSandTwitch: Well don't worry about it, because you can't control it and you don't actually know what they're thinking. Be the leaf on the wind man, let it go!
| 4 | 113 | |
1672488089 | 1672489023 | t3_zzsmbi | t5_2to41 | 17 | MemeForgery: TIFU by not knowing I had to update my driver's license address
(changed all personal info except the capitalized US states) Maybe ya'll can hivemind help uwu?
Idk how big this fuck up REALLY is or would pan out to be. But my mother who I have irreparable problems with, enabled me to get my Florida driver's license a few weeks before my birthday 5 years ago. I joined the military in 2018, didn't update that with the DMV. I got discharged last year. I have been all over the country, living in colorado for around a year and a half. I have now been in Wyoming for 3 months. Never updating or knowing I had to update my address because she could be more responsible with her children. (my fault at this point for not educating myself) I'm a classic goodie goodie nerd, so I'm not in trouble.... but I think because the government doesn't know so they can't fuck me for this. My car is registered in California, idk how I can update that too.
&#x200B;
My current plan is to go to the DMV on monday to get a Wyoming driver's license then revoke the Florida one or whatever. I can't update my Florida license because it's not a Florida address. For the California registration, I completed a DMV 14 form from PDF and mailed to them. If they're like WTF I want to be straight up with them because I'm that dude. Hopefully whatever judge would help me out for my honesty if there is a problem.
&#x200B;
TLDR: I haven't updated any status of my driver's license for 5ish years and idk if Imma get fucked for it.
majesticjules: Just show up at the DMV with 2 proofs of address with your wyoming address and proof of citizenship. Passport ir birth certificate. Ask while you are there if they do car registrations. If the don't than your city hall will. They can transfer your registration and get you wyoming plates. Edited to add, Monday is an observed holiday, wait until Tuesday.
MemeForgery: The Paramore I'm playing is comforting, but should I even be worried?
majesticjules: I don't see why. They won't ask how much you've moved around. They just need to know where you live now.
| 4 | 4.25 | |
1670760889 | 1670866747 | t3_zipnfh | t5_2to41 | 18,612 | lightfighter06: TIFU by using Airbnb
So I’m literally sitting in a public parking lot right now with an angry seething wife. We decided to use airbnb for the first time while on a one day trip to Kona to check out the Volcano. We informed the host that we would be arriving late and he responded that it wouldn’t be a problem and gave us the instructions for self check in.
When we arrived, we followed the instructions and entered in the code to open the door. To our shock, there was someone already sleeping in the room. He was as shocked as us since he was sound asleep when we opened the door. We apologize and quickly closed the door and went to look for the host who we finally found sound asleep as well.
We woke him up and he started mumbling excuses about how the other person showed up first so they got the room. He then admitted to us that he had accidentally double booked the room on “bookings.com” and offered us to crash in his living room. When asked why he didn’t tell us earlier that he had double booked, he said half the people don’t show up. My wife lost it and starts yelling at the guy. I can tell things are going south and grab her to leave all the while she’s yelling.
We call Airbnb and get transferred to some help desk in India and the guy asks if we want to cancel the booking? At this point, I’m pissed and asked if he was serious. He says he has to ask and offers to refund the cost of the room and give us a $60 credit for stay somewhere else. We try calling around to the other hotels and they’re all booked.
This host had 700 reviews and everything looked on the up and up. We’re now sleeping in the rental car for the night.
TL;DR Airbnb host double booked us and we’re sleeping in our rental car in the Walmart parking lot.
young_sage: This exact thing happened when me and my husband were on our road trip to move to Texas. We got to Irving at 10pm, entered the door code, and saw someone in the bed. I tried calling the host about 10 times but he didn’t answer. Had to pay completely out of pocket for a hotel room, and when the host answered the next day he took zero responsibility and blamed it on his ‘staff’. Got a $45 refund which obviously didn’t cover the hotel cost. Airbnb told me there was nothing they could do. To this day, I get pissed off if I think about it too much.
Sdomttiderkcuf: We were in Colombia and the hosts “manager” showed us to a local restaurant and was talking to the bartender and left after a while with some food and drink. When the bill came it had his food and drink on it and he said we were paying for it.
It wasn’t a whole lot, but still we reached out to the “host” and they told us they had intended to fire the guy but had no choice but to keep him. We didn’t feel safe leaving our stuff in a room where this guy had the keys, and we told the host so. The host went apeshit and made up all kinds of stories about us. He made a host review that was unreal. The on site “host” locked us out of our room and threw our bags in the garbage by the time we had walked back. Oddly money and items were missing. Shocker.
Airbnb didn’t even refund us. They simple erased both our counter review and the hosts review and allowed the host to keep our several hundred dollars.
We haven’t used Airbnb since, and this was in 2013. Fuck Airbnb.
Airbnb didn’t refund us one
uselogicpls: Wow. I mean as a host they can act rude and insane if they want. Not a good business strategy. But to steal your money and other things from you? I would not be leaving the house until I got my stuff returned. I would be standing outside, knocking on the door 24/7 until they opened up. I would call the police as well. I would also probably be taking matters into my own hands and just kicking the door down and retrieving my property.
Sdomttiderkcuf: They’d weren’t the true host. They’re also locals and speak the language. It would be stupid to do so.
Fuck Airbnb.
uselogicpls: Every story I've read of going out of the United States, has convinced me that I need to buy a taser and other protection as soon as I arrive in a foreign country. As well as research beforehand if the police are corrupt and will help you or not. I refuse to travel to some shithole where the police take bribes. That's not a culture I want to visit.
Sdomttiderkcuf: Then don’t travel. Police are are the same everywhere
uselogicpls: So pretty much anywhere you travel, you could be fucked with no recourse? Yikes. These countries need to get control of their population. It's gotta be terrible for tourism revenue if people are worried about being fucked over by corrupt police if they have any sort of problem.
Ngl. Think I'm gonna just stay here. I'm good lol
Justforthenuews: Yes, there are criminals everywhere, and corruption as well. Even where you live, you just don’t see it or you accept it as a fact of life while criticizing others for similar behaviors, unaware of it. Ce la vie
uselogicpls: Yes I realize that. Except in other countries, taking bribes can be considered normal. (Like mexico) This is not considered normal in the United States. This is the subtlety you're missing here. Other counties are much worse with blatant everyday corruption.
Justforthenuews: Seriously, the US is better about keeping corruption relatively hidden, but that is not the same as saying that it is not corrupt. It’s just as bad as anywhere else.
A President had people attack Congress and is still free. Companies are officially people as far as the law is concerned, with all the good and none of the bad entailed. We’ve literally been watching a manchurian candidate (Sinema) in congress as I type this, and if that’s not corruption, then wtf is?
And don’t be foolish and think that it’s better at a “local” level, cause it ain’t. Go ask all the legal protestors in Seattle who were literally kidnapped off the streets by cops in unmarked vans.
uselogicpls: So Mexico is better or the same as the United States? From personal accounts I've heard from Hispanic friends that travel to see family, it's not. I'm anti police too but I'm not going to pretend Mexico and other countries have less corrupt officers.
| 12 | 1,551 | |
1672488883 | 1672510111 | t3_zzsuja | t5_2to41 | 20 | 7ThunderCloud: TIFU by giving myself a freeze burn.
Yesterday I went and saw a titanic exhibition all about the sinking of the titanic. It was pretty interesting. At one point they had a chilled box in a model iceberg. The idea was that you’d put your hand in to see how cold the water was the night the titanic sank. The sign said to see how long you could last. So I lasted 4 minutes in -30 degree temperature. In fact I only stopped because some kid wanted a turn. My hand was kind of numb afterwards and I went about my day. Cut to 3:30 AM 36 hours later and I wake up in immense pain as my hand feels like it’s on fire. There’s purpleish blisters where the hand was most pressed on the ice. I’m currently typing this at 4 AM with one hand. Oh god it hurts so much
TLDR: I was a dumbass and voluntarily burned my hand.
Bubbagumpredditor: I doubt it was -30, but even putting your hand in water a couple of degrees below the freezing point for an extended period can do damage. Might wanna get it checked out, hopefully it's just surface frostbite burns.
7ThunderCloud: It probably wasn't. The sign says it was -30 but it was pretty ventilated so I doubt it was actually -30. But yeah, it looks like just surface wounds.
Bubbagumpredditor: I looked it up, it was 27 to 30 farenheight, that's probably what they meant
| 4 | 5 | |
1670762927 | 1671066209 | t3_ziqlua | t5_2to41 | 10,724 | EightLeggedCockBlock: TIFU being too vulnerable during sex
Last night I (19m) was having sex with my friend (22f). The two of us agreed to sleep together because both of us were too preoccupied with our studies to make room for relationships. Despite our awkward transition from platonic to sexual, we managed to become very comfortable being intimate. Last night was supposed to be casual sex as usual. Nothing was different except the location. My friend invited me to her parents farm house for the night. Her mom and dad were away. It was a long drive to the farm, but once we got there, we had a massive house in the middle of nowhere all to ourselves.
First thing we did was fuck. I did my best to focus on the sex, but I was somewhat distracted. It was night and the sounds some of the animals made were scary. I was repeatedly asking my friend "what was that?" At first she thought it was hilarious. She would tell me it was a leopard or a lion. I knew she was fucking with me, but I was still like "or is she?" She made me go down on her. An obvious attempt to shut me up. It worked. But at some point I noticed a really big spider sitting on the wall above the bed. I fucking catapulted.
When my friend realized I was reacting to the spider, she said there was no way she's gonna cum now. She trapped the spider inside a bowl and set it free outside. The way that thing was frantically jumping and moving inside that bowl was the stuff of nightmares. This morning my friend called off our friends with benefits situation. She was honest. She said she got the ick last night. It crushed me. The end.
TL:DR Interrupted sex because I saw a spider and got scared. My reaction gave my partner the ick and now I'm no longer fuckable.
SnooShortcuts9218: Why are the reactions so polarized? It's ok that you were startled. It's also ok that it was a turn off for her. If anything, she might have been a bit rude on how she told you that.
Oh yeah, this is a Reddit post about a relationship. Not sure why I even get surprised.
AsuhoChinami: Eh, nah, I think the girl was being a bitch. She has the right to be overly judgmental and kind of a bitch, I suppose, but she was still being those things. Arachnophobia is the most common phobia in the world and the spider was more or less tarantula-sized (he said it was the size of his hand), she's definitely being petty and excessively judgmental here.
ZenoArrow: They were FWB, not a couple. FWB is what happens when you have sex without the commitments. If they were a couple I agree it would be better to work things out, but a FWB situation isn't going to last if the attraction is gone. If there was more care involved they'd be a couple. Personally I don't think FWB is a good situation to be in for most people, too much of a chance of someone getting hurt if they develop feelings for the other person.
AsuhoChinami: Yeah, I don't think the girl's a bad person or did anything egregiously terrible. She's probably a good person. I do think she overreacted and wish I could say that without being downvoted to -50 or whatever reddit does.
ZenoArrow: I think she overreacted as well, but attraction isn't a rational thing, you can't help who you're attracted to or what breaks that attraction. A relationship based on attraction alone (like FWB) is very likely to last a short time unless the two people have high enough sex drives to override the fickle nature of attractiveness or are compatible in ways that couples can be.
Think about it from your own perspective, can you control who you find attractive and why?
BackToFlowcharts: > you can't help who you're attracted to or what breaks that attraction.
I disagree with this somewhat tbh. Physical attraction this would be true, but there is certainly attraction based on learned behavior as well- and it is often influenced by the people you are surrounded by. In this particular case it seems more like learned behavioral rather than physical. Although I guess you can make the argument how much of our learned behavior do we really have control over-- since it largely from our environment.
People finding this petty aren't damning her to hell. Most of the people are just being honest, that this is petty. Fortunately most people are sane, and aren't going so far off the deep-end to wish her endless suffering or whatever.
ZenoArrow: > Physical attraction this would be true, but there is certainly attraction based on learned behavior as well- and it is often influenced by the people you are surrounded by. In this particular case it seems more like learned behavioral rather than physical.
You're forgetting one key thing, they were FWB, not a couple. In other words, what kept them together was physical attraction, not an emotional connection.
BackToFlowcharts: No, that was considered.
You probably wouldn't want to be FWB with an asshole or felon. That is behavioral. It isn't related to physical outward appearance.
Likewise in this example, she found her FWB partner less attractive after a behavioral observation.
Previously, I merely stated that what can be deal-breakers for behavioral observations is often learnt (and varies often by culture as well).
ZenoArrow: > You probably wouldn't want to be FWB with an asshole or felon.
I don't think it matters if they're an "asshole" in the rest of their life if your main interaction is having sex. Think about porn stars, do you think most people consider what they're like when the camera isn't rolling?
I wouldn't want to be in a FWB relationship with anyone, but I don't judge those that it works for. The point is that a FWB relationship isn't based on a deep emotional connection, it's based on sexual attraction. Once that sexual attraction goes, for whatever reason, then the FWB relationship ends. It's not complicated.
BackToFlowcharts: >I don't think it matters if they're an "asshole" in the rest of their life if your main interaction is having sex. Think about porn stars, do you think most people consider what they're like when the camera isn't rolling?
What exactly are you arguing? You are stating your opinion on if a hypothetical *you* would be willing to have sex with an asshole; this isn't going to be true for everyone.
Clearly in this case, she found OP unattractive after a specific observation of his behavior.
ZenoArrow: > What exactly are you arguing?
I'm arguing that for a relationship built on physical attraction, personality outside the bedroom is less of an issue.
Imagine you only meet up with someone to have sex. What are they like when you're not meeting up with them? You have no idea.
BackToFlowcharts: >I'm arguing that for a relationship built on physical attraction, personality outside the bedroom is less of an issue.
But what is the point of this posit? It clearly is not the case for OP's situation since personality apparently WAS a factor.
We are discussing something counterfactual to what has actually occurred.
ZenoArrow: > It clearly is not the case for OP's situation since personality apparently WAS a factor.
Read what I said again. I said "personality outside the bedroom". I did not say "personality inside the bedroom". Do you understand now?
BackToFlowcharts: This is just pedantic.
What is "personality in the bedroom" and how is different than just personality? If it isn't different but more of a *roleplay* then you can simply just act the part.
ZenoArrow: I didn't think I'd have to explain this to you, but here we are.
The range of personality traits that matter to couples is far broader than the personality traits that matter to fuck buddies.
The most important trait for fuck buddies is whether someone is seen as sexy. It doesn't matter if they're an "asshole" or a "felon" or whatever, if you find them sexy that's basically what it boils down to.
This is very different to couples, where a broader range of personality traits can be important.
Furthermore, the length of time that couples and fuck buddies spend together is usually very different. Couples will often spend time with a wide range of activities, whereas fuck buddies are far less likely to. This means fuck buddies are far less likely to see the full range of personality traits that couples do. Why is this important? When we have gaps in our knowledge, we fill it in with our imagination. Someone could be an "asshole", but we're less likely to see it if we don't spend much time with them.
To be clear, I personally don't put myself forward for "fuck buddy" style relationships, but I've seen enough about them to get that they work for some people, and it doesn't bother me. Do you have a problem with people that have these types of relationships?
| 16 | 670.25 | |
1672492321 | 1672517270 | t3_zzttx8 | t5_2to41 | 796 | [deleted]: TIFU by being curious and sticking my head in the banister
[deleted]
kappsylen: What have we learned today?
When you're giving the banisters head, make sure you have the lubricant ready from the start.
[deleted]: The banisters are selfish lovers
shoulda-known-better: Just be glad it was only family that saw..... my dumbass 4yr old self was dared to stick my head through the cookie hole at the grocery store and definitely got stuck in the glass hole..... my dad was so mad and the firefighters kept feeding me cookies to calm me down! Haha
thisusedyet: Not the best idea... those firefighters may have just encouraged you to keep shoving your head through the jar, because 'hey, free cookies!' :P
shoulda-known-better: Oh it was worse then that.... not a jar it was a circle cut out of the entire bakery display case (I was meant to reach in by hand) but I heard my brother say the magic words.... "do it you won't" and I definitely did..... it took about 4 hours for them to cut the glass out of the display then cut a chunk out so I was free!! (Might not have been that long but certfelt like it!!
thisusedyet: So how is it being related to Yoda?
| 7 | 113.714286 | |
1670768395 | 1670811308 | t3_zittbj | t5_2to41 | 145 | [deleted]: TIFU by presenting my grandfather picture, to describe his internment days in Auschwitz.
[removed]
Malevolent_Mangoes: Wow that’s spicy. So if I’m understanding this correctly, your grandfather was on the opposite side of the fence here?
Panamaned: And grandma was on the other side of the fence. Giggity
Flossthief: That's such a nightmare situation
Imagine why someone might get married to the man who put them into Auschwitz
about2godown: Stockholm syndrome is a weird, weird thing.
Flossthief: Not just that but
Marrying an SS officer seems like a great alternative to dying in Auschwitz
I can see why you might swallow your morals and get yourself out of such a hellish situation
XavierHigdon: Not the only thing she had to swallow.
| 7 | 20.714286 | |
1672499775 | 1672507326 | t3_zzw8c6 | t5_2to41 | 811 | [deleted]: TIFU my pregnancy announcement
[deleted]
MiLeenaLee: Ok, that was funny.
I also would like to point out that your husband sounds so sweet and supportive, I think you guys will make great parents. Congrats.
remotetissuepaper: If I'm reading the story right, he was holding a cold compress on her neck and reassuring her while she was shitting her guts out?! I can't decide whether that's incredibly sweet or incredibly gross. Maybe both
MiLeenaLee: It's totally both and most men, scratch that, partners, would not do that. Pretty sure I'm one of them.
remotetissuepaper: Yeah I would never do that and I don't think it makes me a bad partner. With the caveat that if it was somehow life-threatening or an urgent emergency I'd do whatever I needed to do. But I might puke while doing it lol.
| 5 | 162.2 | |
1672501729 | 1672533177 | t3_zzwx0y | t5_2to41 | 16 | [deleted]: TIFU by hitting on my wife’s best friend 8 hours into marriage
[deleted]
LorenzoStomp: The best apology is taking action to not let it happen again. Quit drinking. Go to therapy, both individual and couples. Don't make her drag you or do all the work of setting up the appts, take initiative and suggest it and follow through yourself. If she doesn't want couples therapy go to individual by yourself. [PsychologyToday's Therapist Finder](https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/counsellors?domain=www&cc=us&cl=en) makes it very easy to get connected if you are in the US and several other European/South American countries.
chitown_og22: Thank you so much for your objective look on the situation. I did take your advice, and we talked about the problem.
I’m quitting drinking, and signing up for therapy. Hope to start this week.
Thank you again.
I know a lot of folks here just comment insults but your comment in 1 in a million.
LorenzoStomp: I'm glad to help, good luck to you and your wife
| 4 | 4 | |
1672503230 | 1672526794 | t3_zzxgg7 | t5_2to41 | 804 | prazsky-chlapec: TIFU exposing my cousins' secret
Alright so first some context about my family, my immediate family and I, consisting of my parents and little brother, live about an hour away from Prague, were my extended family live, consisting of my Aunt Betty, her son Fred (24), and my Uncle Charles and his daughter Daisy (22). I have changed the names to protect my family. Betty is a single mom, with no idea who Fred's biological father is, and Charles went through a messy divorce some 15 years ago, with his ex-wife having nothing to do with Daisy's life. Fred is a big supporter of the Czech Pirate Party, and Daisy is a fan of Nena, the band that did 99 Luftballons (this is all important for later).
One day my little brother comes into my room, obviously concerned and a little embarrassed. He tells me to look at something on his phone, and it's a porno. Naturally I'm a little taken aback, that's not something I would go around showing other people. I ask him why he's showing me this and he tells me he thinks the 2 people in it are Fred and Daisy! the faces have been crudely blurred, but the guy has the curly black hair of Fred, and the woman has the blonde hair of Daisy. that's not all, the porno was on an amateur site, and the whole channel was of the 2 possible cousins, with faces blurred.
there seems to be 3 locations where they filmed, 2 being dorm rooms, one full of pirate party posters, the other being full of Nena posters. The final location was an apartment, with the same posters put up now in conjunction with each other. I know Fred and Daisy where roommates in Prague at this point to save money. the backlog of videos went back about 4 years, with about 2 uploaded a month, and the first just so happened to have been uploaded on Daisy's 18th birthday.
Now all of this was strong circumstantial evidence, but none was damming. That was until a shirt was carelessly left on the ground. Now this wasn't any old shirt, but a custom shirt I had ordered for Fred for his birthday. Now unless someone else had a shirt with, and I kid you not, of Peter Griffin saying he supports the Pirate party, then we had a match.
Upon the absolute confirmation, my brother went a shade of green before going to throw up. He had pleasured himself to the video before his suspicions rose, but now that they had been confirmed, he hit a tipping point.
Now you may be wondering, where is the fuck up? sure your brother jacked off to his cousins incestuously fucking, but that's him problem, not yours. The fuck up is what comes next, when I confront Fred and Daisy about their pass time.
I disguised my trip to Prague as visiting a university and arranged a meetup with Daisy and Fred at their new apartment. It matched perfectly to the videos, and to cap it all off Fred was wearing the shirt. I showed them the videos, and while they denied it at first, they soon admitted to it.
They explained that when they were younger, they would both go to Fred's place after school, because Uncle Charles would be working until late. Soon, as they got into their preteens, Aunt Betty began working later, so they would be home alone together for extended periods of time. It started when Fred was 13 and Daisy was 11, they would practice kissing on each other. As they got older, they would do it more and more, until around the time Fred was 16 and Daisy was 14, Daisy began sucking Fred off, then they moved on to actual sex when they were \`16 and 18. They started filming porn together once Daisy was 18.
They were shocked I had found their movies and swore they would break off their relationship. I left in a disgusted mood but was happy it was over. That is, until today.
My mom's side of the family always gets together for new year's, staying up till midnight and having a party. This time, However, Fred and Daisy had failed to show up. It turns out no one had been able to talk to them for about 2 weeks, me being the last one to see them. We called their employers, and it turns out they had not been showing up to work either. They seemed to have dropped off the face of the earth.
I decided to tell my family about the videos. They were shocked and horrified, as you can expect. Aunt Betty has been crying with my mom for about 2 hours now and Uncle Charles has just been drinking. My dad thinks my brother needs therapy, but right now they are watching movies together. I'm just glad my grandparents are long dead at this point and don't have to see this.
&#x200B;
TL;DR my brother found a porno of my cousins, I confronted them, they skipped town, and now new year's is ruined
Tredok: Wtf?
Why would you tell anyone?
Be thankful no child came from their adventures and be done with it, there is no reason at all to confront them, much less out them in front of the whole family, there is nothing to gain from this, nothing at all.
Layne205: It's ok for first cousins to occasionally have children. All of us have hundreds of them in our lineage.
Tredok: 1st, the fact that there is historical evidence of something does not make it "ok", in regards of incest, it depends entirely on the society, not everyone is "ok" with that happening.
2nd they were too young when they started having sex to provide for s possible child, OP said 16 and 18, that's what i meant by "Be thankful no child came of that relationship".
Layne205: Yeah true, anyone having a child at 16 is rough. I shouldn't have used the term "ok", I only meant that first cousins would not have a high rate of birth defects, as I assumed that's what you were referring to. And marrying them is legal in many (most?) countries.
Tredok: Oh sure birth defects would probably be very minimal if at all existant, but no that's not what i meant, i meant the lives affected by actually conceiving a child at that age, between two horny teenagers, that happen to be cousins. Not at all cool, just by the way OP said their family reacted, it think it may have been worse finding out by pregnancy.
Phatsam1987: They're not related to each other why would there be birth defects?
Tredok: Because they are related... Did you read the "disgusted by his cousins incestuously fucking" part?
Phatsam1987: It says that their parents are together but they have different parents
Tredok: I don't believe OP in anyway implies that Aunt Betty and Uncle Charles are together in anyway, OP just explains both as single parents.
In the other hand you can strongly imply that both Betty and Charles lived separately, when he said that Fred and Daisy would go to Fred's place.
Fred and Daisy are cousins, that is incest.
Phatsam1987: I reckon Fred, Charles, Betty and Daisy don't exist
Tredok: I reckon the same, but still if it were true, then OP is a total idiot.
| 12 | 67 | |
1672507262 | 1672508054 | t3_zzyx4m | t5_2to41 | 87 | charpenette: TIFU by forgetting about a zucchini
This actually happened last night, but it’s taken me awhile to find the words to describe the horror.
Two important details for this story: my husband keeps onions and potatoes in a basket in our laundry room. It has no windows and is cooler, so they tend to last longer. Also, we live in the Midwest and those of you who live in the Midwest know that August brings an abundance of zucchini. Leave your car unlocked? Someone puts zucchini in it. Front porch? Zucchini gets left in a bag. You get the picture.
Last night, I go to do a load of laundry. I’m on medicine that makes me dizzy sometimes and of course, a dizzy spell hits. I grab onto a spare chair we keep next to the washing machine, which happens to be where the basket of potatoes and onions sits. When I grabbed the chair, I set it off kilter and knocked the basket sideways. No big deal, right? Except I also knocked over what looked to be a sealed bag of some sort that had slid behind the basket. I had a half second to wonder what it was before I heard the slosh of liquid and about a full second before the bag split open and I was drenched with what I can best describe as a putrid brown and yellow sludge that smelled like a combination of dirt, death, and the inside of Satan’s butthole.
Reader, it was BAD. I immediately start dry heaving and yelling for someone to help while trying (and failing) to reseal the bag. Against my better judgment, I look in, see what’s left of a zucchini swimming in a cesspool of putrescence that seems much larger than it should be. I realize that somehow a zucchini got placed down here and died a slow, sad, and smelly death when we forgot about it while it marinated in a sauna of ethylene gas just waiting to punish me like I’m the main character in an Old Testament story.
My teenagers come running in and both immediately join me in the dry heaving. My youngest runs away. My oldest apparently wants to stay in the will and ran to get 2 KN95 masks so we could at least begin cleaning. At some point, my husband gets home from walking the dog, wanders in confused, and also begins dry heaving, but after a solid 30 minute effort, we managed to get everything cleaned, trashed everything the putrescence touched, and bleached the floor because it was EVERYWHERE. I have taken two hot showers and I still feel like I smell it on me somewhere.
Next summer? This is a zucchini free house.
Tl;dr forgot about a zucchini, took a shower in the aftereffects of biodegradation
LIBJ: I had a zucchini in my fridge go bad once, opened the bag and immediately puked into the bag....not the best experience
charpenette: I have a strong stomach, but that smell is absolutely instant vomit!
LIBJ: It really is one of the worst smells ive ever experienced, my condolences
| 4 | 21.75 | |
1670775388 | 1670803481 | t3_ziy2nq | t5_2to41 | 8 | Low_Addendum_1095: TIFU by washing my iphone in the water
So I brought my phone with me while I was pooping ( pls don't judge me ) , and ... you all guessed it , the iphone 7 slipped out of my hand , fell through my crotch and was cover with toilet water and poop ( not 100% covered though , only 40% and it only covered the upper side , the battery charge side is fine ) I got panicked and immediately washed it with water since I heard it was water-proof ( I'm 17 btw ) amd get some tissue and regular soaps to make the smell go away
After that , everything seemed fine , it was working for 10 minutes and I decide to leave it alone near the window . 30 minutes later , I checked and the phone became so hot and the home button is unpushable ( when you activate your phone , you push the home button down a little bit until it reached a very small , certain depth but now that button is stucked , immovable , it got "deeper" as if it has already been in that certain depth and cannot be pushed any further ) I decided to leave it alone for another 10 minute , the phone cool down but the button still cannot be pushed and then I cried
TLDR : phone got poop on it , I washed it with water and it's broken now . The "shittiest" part is the nearest phone shop is 20km away from my house
RPGaiden: Okay, so it’s been a couple hours, but the “button” on the iPhone 7 isn’t really a physical button, it gives feedback like one when you press it but it’s flush with with phone and doesn’t actually press down.
Was the phone on when you tried to press the button when you were letting it cool off? If it’s off, you won’t get any feedback. You can also try and force restart your phone, sometimes that helps when the “button” gets weird. Worst case, try thumping/flicking your phone on the back, about half an inch/1.25 cm and to the left of the home button and see if that helps.
If it needs replacing, Apple can replace it so you can keep fingerprint ID, but they might replace the screen and stuff too, so it’s usually more expensive. Third party can also do it (usually for cheaper) but you might not be able to keep fingerprint ID.
Low_Addendum_1095: * Was the phone on when you tried to press the button when you were letting it cool off?
Unfortunately , no . The home button and side button are not working already when the phone heated up
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1670775460 | 1670831931 | t3_ziy43j | t5_2to41 | 2,411 | trash-cheese: TIFU by eating trash cheese
I do a lot of embarrassing things, and I'm normally very willing to tell people about these, but for once I couldn't think of a single person that wouldn't find this at least a little shameful.
I'll start by laying out the facts of the case:
- Until recently, we had many packages of cheddar cheese slices--too many--due to a grocery list miscommunication. To my knowledge, we were finally down to the last package of cheese this week.
- We also recently bought some really tasty ham, so I've been making a lot of toasted ham and cheese sandwiches. This has been helping us with the aforementioned too-much-cheese problem.
- We had ham and cheese sandwiches for dinner on Thursday.
- We had ham and cheese sandwiches for breakfast on Friday.
- I planned to make ham and cheese sandwiches for breakfast on Saturday. This is where the fuck up happens.
I announce to my husband that I'm going to go make breakfast. He asks if we still had the stuff for ham and cheese, and I say yes. This is great.
I start assembling the components. Bread: just enough left, into the toaster oven. Ham: delicious, onto the bread. Cheese: inexplicably missing. This is weird, but I'm sure we still have some.
I look again, still no cheese. This is alarming. Breakfast is already underway and it won't be the same without cheese. I start to think maybe I really did use it all yesterday. I check the trashcan for clues that might explain this no-cheese mystery.
Eureka! I find not just cheese packaging, but the cheese itself, with 3 or 4 slices left. I must have thrown it away absentmindedly yesterday morning, rather than putting it in the fridge. This is embarrassing. I'm not looking forward to telling my husband that breakfast is ruined because I've done something forgetful yet again.
But... what if breakfast wasn't ruined? I'm generally a bit too paranoid about food safety, but I'm working on it. For some unhinged reason, it doesn't occur to me that eating out of the trash is a huge overcorrection.
I start rationalizing eating the cheese after all. It's sealed in plastic, and I remember reading that hard cheeses like cheddar can sometimes be kept unrefrigerated. It has only been out for a day. Some people eat room temperature pizza. It feels a little warm, kind of oily as warm cheese does, but it smells normal. I take a tentative nibble. It seems okay.
I'm now left with an ethical dilemma: am I willing to feed this trash cheese to my husband as if it were normal, ordinary cheese that didn't come from the garbage? The reasonable answer is absolutely not, but we wouldn't be here if I took the reasonable path. I hesitate one last time as I lay slices of trash cheese on the bread and hit toast. We're committed now. He doesn't need to know that I threw away the last of our cheese.
The rest of breakfast goes smoothly. He notices nothing. It's the perfect crime.
Until an hour later, when he causally says: "It's good that we still had cheese. It was left out the other night and I had to throw it away."
I freeze. I start doing mental calculations.
Knowing that I'm a terrible liar, and also that this man I love deserves to know if he's about to be violently ill as a result of my fuckup, I decide to come clean. Somehow I explain to my poor, horrified husband that not only did I feed us trash cheese, but also that it may be worse than the 24-hour trash cheese I had bargained on.
Still horrified, he joins in my mental calculations. He claims he threw away the cheese "days ago." Thankfully, I'm able prove this incorrect: the most recent dinner cheese was Thursday, which means he must have thrown it out Friday morning. This is corroborated by the position of the cheese at the top of the trash can; at worst, this is 36-hour trash cheese. Somehow he doesn't seem happy about this.
I point out his role in this debacle: if he had just put the cheese away when he found it, we could have avoided this; after all, room temperature cheese is apparently safe! He counters that I almost never think anything left out is safe.
I ask him to tell me before throwing things out in the future. He asks me to check with him before feeding us things from the trash. I deserve this.
Later, I had a realization: I can't have left the cheese out on Thursday night because I used it Friday morning... Friday morning, when he threw away the cheese! He must have thrown it away after breakfast, thinking it had been out overnight. I shared my discovery, feeling vindicated that this was only 24-hour trash cheese after all. Somehow my husband was still not impressed.
Luckily, we didn't get food poisoning, and he hasn't divorced me yet, but he did remark that he feels like he's married to a raccoon. And now we have some helpful new house rules like "don't eat out of the trash."
TL;DR: Went dumpster diving in my own kitchen & may have forever ruined my husband's impression of me as a responsible adult
Edit: formatting
YooAre: Delightful, this is why I reddit. Thank you, trash panda.
Daktic: Yup, stories like this are how I justify my 11 trips to the moon.
Embarrassed_Put_7892: I only got 5.9 which means I’m still not back yet I think…
cancer2009: I got 21 times, and I read a lot of stuff on Reddit but this post is definitely higher up on my list then most.
| 5 | 482.2 | |
1672530885 | 1672538852 | t3_zzznds | t5_2to41 | 52 | MexicanGolf: She had no expectations to communicate to her partner, he did.
To call her wrong is fair enough if that's your particular set of expectations, but it's on *you* and people like him to fucking clarify your shit so that other people can either agree or disagree to enter into arrangements with you.
Literally basic stuff.
sparse_bones: If you are outside of the norm, and OP 100% is, you should be communicating to your partners if you are having other partners simultaneously or you should be getting regular STI checks before you meet with each and every partner, every single time.
The second one is quite the ask so the alternative is to let your partners know if you have more than one at a time. Your privacy and rights to it stop as soon as you put other people at risk.
MexicanGolf: It doesn't sound as if she considers herself outside of the "norm".
Communicate your expectations if you wanna see them met. It's 100% not controversial.
sparse_bones: Sure, but I'm not really talking about the not-boyfriends expectations, he's an idiot too.
But OP is exceptionally irresponsible. If you can't verify your STI status and you have multiple partners simultaneously you should tell your partners about it. Most people don't sleep around that much at once and won't assume you're doing that, and either way any person who is a multi link is the responsible one. Multiple partners simultaneously is a significant risk increase even over serial partners rapidly since serial partners don't reflect back up the chain. Obviously it's possible that her other partners are even more promiscuous but that just means that they too should have let her know.
I know you're probably just getting reflexively mad about someone criticizing a promiscuous woman but it applies to men just as much. Some STIs can be life changing, and you should be responsible with your actions.
MexicanGolf: Oh no, I ain't getting mad about that, I'm getting mad about the absurd focus of the responsibility in these circumstances.
If you care, great. Don't passively assume others do.
That's more or less the entire scope of what I'm saying.
sparse_bones: Not caring about not spreading disease is something that should be actively shamed and made very apparent that it is unacceptable behavior.
If there was a reasonable way to make it a criminal offense without it being used to target minorities then it should be that too, but we've already seen that fail so public shaming is all that is left.
MexicanGolf: So ask. If they can't provide a clean bill of health, just say no to sex.
sparse_bones: It's honestly strange to see people defend the position of "if you don't want people to hurt you, tell them to not hurt you".
Wild. Very self-centered behavior.
MexicanGolf: You're going to some pretty extreme lengths to avoid taking personal responsibility for your sex life.
sparse_bones: The pot is vantablack.
MexicanGolf: So when you ride a bike do you expect someone else to provide the helmet or do you bring your own?
sparse_bones: No, my helmet protects me from me. The responsibility, source of harm, and victim are the same person.
I DO expect someone to follow the rules of the road when I share it with them though.
MexicanGolf: Exactly, so you protect yourself to the best of your ability.
That's all I'm asking for. Glad we're on the same page.
sparse_bones: Uh no, if someone hits me with their vehicle and they were breaking laws doing so they go to jail. That was their responsibility, not mine. The expectation in the social contract there is that you follow the law.
Edit: honestly this whole conversation really highlights that society needs to be even more open about talking about sex not just at a personal level between partners but generally. Communicating expectations should be part of sex Ed and this should be one of the ones covered. People like you, OPs not boyfriend, OP and the STI epidemic wouldn't be a thing.
MexicanGolf: This comment actually explains a lot. No, it isn't automatically their fault, no they won't automatically be found liable and sent to jail. And the "expectation" is the actual rules of the road that they had to learn, and pass a test on, in order to get their drivers license.
None of those expectations are unspoken, they're very clearly laid out.
Do you have a drivers license? It kinda sounds like you don't.
sparse_bones: People learn rules all the time and still choose to break them. The social contract when driving on the road isn't that they learn, we already know they have to. It's that they will actually follow the law, not driving multiple times the speed limit and being a threat to everyone else.
Don't try to start with veiled ageism, it's trite.
MexicanGolf: Oh no, you could be 45 and not have a drivers license, I'm asking because what you said was fucking bananas and suggested you have very little practical experience.
Either way, we're clearly drifting from the topic at hand. What exactly is your objection to taking responsibility for yourself and setting some boundaries?
sparse_bones: Sure you did.
You were the one to drift it. There is only one kind of sexual activity where you have to only take responsibility for yourself, and that's masturbating.
When you interact with other people you share responsibility, and it is good form if you are doing something unusual that can hurt them that they aren't expecting, you let them know ahead of time.
There is no "personal responsibility", when you involve other people. Honestly there are so many laws and social customs that follow this principle you need some serious cognitive dissonance to think otherwise. People expect you to not spit in their food, should they have to tell you every time? People expect you to not have shit smeared on your dick before you fuck them, should you have to communicate that every time too? People expect you to leave condoms on while you fuck them, should you also communicate that? That was the expectation long before it became a crime of sexual assault fyi.
What the fuck lmao. We are literally steeped in implied expectations even around sex.
MexicanGolf: I didn't say you were the one to drift it, I said we were.
https://www.cdc.gov/std/prevention/screeningreccs.htm
This is what I'm basing my opinion on, for example. Actual stated fucking expectations on a general population.
The expectation that's been mentioned here? Doesn't exist at the level you wanna pretend it does, so if you have it? State it. Ask questions. Set boundaries.
Accept your risk tolerance and stop playing drop the responsibility.
sparse_bones: Are you telling me that you think that's an exhaustive list and anything not on that list is not related to reducing the spread of STIs? Or that the cdc would, in the current political climate, talk about multiple partners at all? Or that the recommendations of a government agency mirrors the expectations of the population?
That is some bad faith levels I haven't seen in a long time. No more can be done here. Good luck, be safe, communicate your risk levels with your partners.
MexicanGolf: PS:
>Women 25 years and older with risk factors such as new or multiple sex partners or a sex partner who has an STD should also be tested for gonorrhea and chlamydia every year.
From what I linked. Please read.
sparse_bones: Thanks, that does counter one of my points. Glad the government isn't afraid to talk about that with the crazy magas going around shooting up power stations. I'm surprised I missed it.
Still doesn't counter the rest.
MexicanGolf: The rest being what, exactly? When it comes to STIs there's no expectation of the kinda frequent testing you espouse, so that kinda leaves you with nothing for a point.
sparse_bones: That the list is exhaustive, and that it matches public expectations.
MexicanGolf: Do you think there exists a public expectation to test yourself after every sexual partner?
| 25 | 2.08 | |
1670778466 | 1670779451 | t3_zizwlw | t5_2to41 | 68 | YourQuirk: TIFU By teaching my kid about emotional vampires
**Some of you probably will think I fucked up a long time ago, but I want you to know we are a very happy, healthy family with a lot of good communication and quick to act when something goes wrong. TL;DR Bellow.**
**Background** so that you know why we already weren´t high status with our fellow parents and school since before:
I work with horror props, sfx makeup, haunted houses etc. I naturally hide a lot of it from our child. But with time the fear of the unknown became bigger than the facts. By 6 she has now been to some non-bloody movie sets and behind the scenes at basic haunted houses. She loves it and even made her own glow-in-the-dark ghost makeup this Halloween.
We had a school incident where she smashed the head in on a snowman since they agreed when building it that it was a zombie. Just logical if you ask me. She drew a bloody vampire. Told a too-scary goosebumps story. That kind of thing.
All of this said: I could not have seen this one coming.
Some days ago I sat in the kitchen, making a pair of fangs. She´s seen hotel Transylvania and wanted some of her own. We did. Mother-daughter time, you know? In the middle of it all, I dropped the term "emotional vampire". She asked what it was. I said it was when someone makes you feel bad and leaves you all tired and unhappy.
**The Incident:**
Today I came to pick her up and there was a fuming parent and a tired-looking teacher waiting for me.
"\*Daughter\* had \*their son\* cry today."
"Why?"
"She called him a vampire and chased him with a cut-out paper cross."
"She... What did he do?" (Not my brightest moment.)
"HE?! He didn´t do anything!"
The teacher answer:
"She said he was a feelings vampire."
"Hu?"
"She said he spoke only about cars and it made her feel tired. Therefore he was a vampire?"
It took my tired brain some time to figure it out and then explain the situation. In the end, the parent left angry, the teacher seemed to find it half funny-half stupid and my daughter will talk about the incident with a teacher tomorrow.
Luckily, her other mother has humor and I will not sleep in the workshop.
**TLDR:** Taught my kid about emotional vampires, she chased a boy around with a paper cross since his car talk drained her emotionally.
JetsetCat: People are strange . .
YourQuirk: hu?
JetsetCat: It’s the first line of a song by The Doors, which was used in a vampire movie.
YourQuirk: I did bad and I should feel bad.
JetsetCat: Don’t worry, you will laugh about this in time.
YourQuirk: TIFU x2
| 7 | 9.714286 | |
1670777867 | 1670826533 | t3_zizj1n | t5_2to41 | 27 | [deleted]: TIFU asking my bank why I couldn’t access the money in my account
[deleted]
SmittyManJensen_: You don’t get locked out of your account while they’re waiting for a check to clear. You’re under investigation, my friend.
Capable-Site-301: Oh well.
As long as I get the funds eventually. All's well that ends well.
SmittyManJensen_: As long as you’re not doing anything illegal, you will get the money eventually. They may close your account though and mail you a check to your address of record.
Capable-Site-301: That's fine.
Just hope it happens sooner rather than later.
| 5 | 5.4 | |
1672510550 | 1672548662 | t3_10004l0 | t5_2to41 | 140 | amayernican: TIFU 21 years ago thinking I was going to explode
21 years ago today, December 31, 2001, about ten in the morning I woke up to a pain in my gut that shattered my reality. I writhed in bed for well over an hour crying and thinking I’m going to die from a burst appendix.
I had just turned 21 and took advantage of it the whole month. I moved back home earlier that year, so the house was full but, on that day, there was no one home. I was stuck in the fetal position staring at the clock, crying. I finally fell off my bed and crawled to the phone 30 feet away to call my mom at work. She came and took me to the ER.
I got rolled in and put in a bed next to an elderly woman who was experiencing great distress and bloody. The doctor, tall and long haired, rushed in and looked at me and mom and I told him to help her first. I swear he said, “no shit”, or something along those lines but that’s not the last time he said the word shit to me.
I got x-rays of my abdomen and poked a whole bunch of times. After what felt like hours, the doctor came back to me after reading my chart. The elderly lady was in the next bed doing better, mom was the chair beside me, and I was still felt like I was going to explode.
He read the room and got in close to me, put his hand up like a secret and whispered to the whole room, “I don’t know how to tell you this but your colon is full of shit.”
With his face in mine and to the whole room I yelled, “Well get it out of me!”
In his animated way he said, “I can give you a suppository, an enema, or you drink this drink.”
Butt stuff was not vibing with me feeling like I’m about to explode so I told him to give me the drink. Magnesium Citrate, never heard of before, but I’m forever grateful it exists and I can’t believe it’s cheaper than bottled water. The Mickey’s style grenade bottle of super salty medicine went down fighting the whole way.
It was probably 30 minutes, but felt like the world stopped moving through space, the grenade started to make horrific waves through my bowls. Nothing else mattered except my the xenomorph running around in my guts and hit. It hit hard. I was peeing out my ass for eight hours straight.
I was cleansing ever hour but it’s new year’s eve and I’m 21. Peeing out my butt every 15 minutes or so wasn’t going to stop me from going out and seeing long friends. It was a great party and it was a running joke of my runs. I asked my mom this morning about the time she left work to take me to the ER because I had to take a shit and she dropped her face remembering humiliation and said, “that was 21 years ago?”.
TL;DR Shit happens.
KrankySilverFox: Magnesium Citrate is the juice of the devil. Seriously I will never drink it again. I would rather explode.
13inchmushroommaker: Why?
KrankySilverFox: I spent s hours in the toilet pooping my brains out while vomiting into a bucket so violently that I was choking and almost passed out.
13inchmushroommaker: So that stuff causes you to do both or was it because it was nasty to you?
KrankySilverFox: It causes you to that. The doctors give it to you to clear out your digestive tract for tests
| 6 | 23.333333 | |
1672507967 | 1672520954 | t3_zzz6c9 | t5_2to41 | 16 | [deleted]: TIFU by seeking justice
[deleted]
mswed5317: Sounds like your dad is a cop, you should cut ties.
osi_layer_one: odd, but true, statement.
| 3 | 5.333333 | |
1670779970 | 1670812914 | t3_zj0uhb | t5_2to41 | 2 | Thismyname_: TIFU by being too honest about my feelings
My husband and I have been sending our baby over to my parents to watch so we can work. Our baby had to sleep over for one night and the day after that we agreed that we were going to pick him up together. I got home from work then asked when we’re gonna pick our baby up and he said I could just go, he’s too tired. I don’t have a license and it’s snowing and icy where we live. He yelled at me to just go alone and I got upset and started crying (just had my baby 3 months ago). He says if we both go then we won’t be staying long we just grab the baby and come back home right away. That upset me even more because I really don’t see my family often. We go and I’m still crying in the car and he yells at me saying “Why you always gotta do this?”
I made sure we stayed at my family a bit longer as I am pissed at him. We leave 2 hours later and in the car he wants to act like everything is okay but I’m still so mad. He made a dumb joke and I was so tired, drained, whatever. I said, “You always make me feel this way and it makes me wonder why I married you.”
He doesn’t like going to my family because he don’t have anything to do there. But it’s exactly the same thing from when I was pregnant and even before, he always went drinking and I hated it so much because since I was pregnant I had nothing to do, they never include me in the games if I’m not drinking. I explained that to him before and he never cared to listen. Now I know a lot of you are probably going to say why didn’t I just stay home then? Well my mil is very awkward to be around in my opinion.
But anyways, I fucked up by saying that about our marriage. We got home and I went straight into our room with our baby and was just holding him because I missed him. Then I made my husband come into the room to watch our baby so I can use the bathroom. I came back in and made a bottle. He was feeding our baby and faced away from me. I was apologizing and saying sorry to him then I looked at him in the face, he was crying very hard. I’ve only seen him cry 3 or 4 times before. I hugged him but he pushed me away.
He went to the garage and I gave my baby to my mil to watch for a bit while I went to the garage to talk to him and he was crying while I apologizing. He forgave me but I know he is very hurt by what I said.
TL;DR: i was mad at my husband and fed up with everything going his way so I told him the truth about my feelings and thoughts. I made him cry.
Shibby523: While you are concerned about your husbands feelings, don't forget your own. While placating his, yours still exist and will continue.
akayataya: She's self aware and vindictive enough to make sure she "stays longer at her parents' because she's pissed at him."
That is so fucking immature. Maybe instead of her "feelings" she can work on her "shitty passive-aggressive behavior" :)
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1672511741 | 1672514745 | t3_1000jz7 | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: TIFU by almost snapping a guy's manhood
[deleted]
KrankySilverFox: All of your posts are sex and embarrassment. This is just a fetish post in my opinion.
AlexisDivine42: A what?
kappsylen: >a fetish
It's a kind of cheese, often enjoyed during holidays in Germany.
Do you live under a rock?
AlexisDivine42: I know what a fetish is duh! I'm just confused what a "fetish post" is.
MotoHULK: It's a remote station in space where you can get kinky sex while on the run from the sith.
AlexisDivine42: Makes sense
| 7 | 0.857143 | |
1672515780 | 1672566525 | t3_1001y79 | t5_2to41 | 168 | BoothIsT25: TIFU by suggesting my wife see a therapist (nsfw)
I (27M) have been married to my wife (25F) for 2 years. We have a 6 month old daughter. We met in college during my junior year. We were both D1 athletes in the same sport, so we had an instant connection. Even though that part of our life is behind both of us, we’ve stayed strong.
She really came out of her shell during college. At first she was very quiet and reserved, and seemed to be more interested books than relationships. But she ended up joining a sorority and becoming more sociable. I definitely lean towards the extroverted side, and I fell in love with this bubbly butterfly.
over the last year or so, however, I’ve noticed significant changes in my wife’s behavior. Maybe it’s related to having a kid, maybe it’s not. Who knows. But she’s become a lot less social, doesn’t spend as much time with friends, etc. i’ve talk to her about this, but the conversations have never gone anywhere.
The issue is that she began engaging in degenerate behavior. She didn’t go to the gym as often (went from 6 days a week to 2 or 3), started playing video games, etc. And the straw that broke the camels back was I caught her watching anime pornography. I have nothing against pornography. I occasionally watch it myself. But anime pornography… All I can say is yikes.
So she and I sat down, and had a conversation. I explained I was worried about her possibly being depressed and wanted to help her. I brought up some of these examples, and told her I think she should start seeing a therapist.
That did not go over well. She got mad, started crying, and accusing me of being mean. That was about a week ago and our relationship has been very cold since then. We’re gonna sit down and talk about it again tonight, I guess we’ll see how it goes.
TL;DR - suggested my wife see a therapist, she’s offended and mad at me
S0BEC: Dude, you need a fucking therapist, not her.
SensualSideburnTrim: Everyone needs a good therapist. But especially him.
nugnug1226: I wish everybody saw a therapist. World would be a much better place
M4NOOB: I never really understood therapists or see the point for myself
nugnug1226: You can only lead a horse to water…
If a therapist isn’t for you, try doing a heroic dose of shrooms.
M4NOOB: I don't do drugs, thank you
S0BEC: Don't think of psychodelics as drugs, well they are like almost every medication, but of therapy. I saw a lot of podcasts from T1 operators who suffered from anxiety and PTSD from the shit they've seen while at war and they said psychodelics completley turned their lives around and helped them.
| 8 | 21 | |
1672515440 | 1672517359 | t3_1001u0b | t5_2to41 | 6 | Salt-Classroom-9058: TIFU by accidentally kidnapping and sexually assaulting a minor.
[removed]
NexFire7790: The setup for the characters is lacking. Im just not emotionally invested in them enough to care. Did you also write season 8 of GOT?
Salt-Classroom-9058: Unfortunately I'm a very boring guy. Next time I sexually assault someone I'll be sure to include my sad backstory, just for you.
NexFire7790: Much appreciated. It always helps to take more time to develop the characters even if it makes the story longer.
| 4 | 1.5 | |
1670783197 | 1670797512 | t3_zj2sv1 | t5_2to41 | 17 | [deleted]: TIFU by not seeing an obvious hint
[deleted]
[deleted]: “naturally we were talking about how flat this particular girl was.” What
Limp_Will16: “We were bullying a girl during a cuddle sesh. Pretty sure she has a crush on me now.”
[deleted]: “me being one of the more popular ones” too. sounds like a fun group
LurksAroundHere: What? You mean you don't want to hang out with Tiny Dick, Flat Chest, Pisses when She Laughs, Pizza Face, and Pig Snout?! They all sound like such easy going and non-judgemental people!
| 5 | 3.4 | |
1670784521 | 1670795889 | t3_zj3n04 | t5_2to41 | 10 | Tobi_tried_2_times: TIFU by trying to eat smth
So to be exact, this happened a few days ago.
I am really not great at knowing when to eat and I just don't like to eat in general, so it often happens that I can't properly stand or so, sometimes I even pass out.
So on that day I was just waking up and I had forgotten to eat the day before, my stomach hurt so fucking bad and I felt like I was going to die.
I have like those sugar things (in Germany we call them Traubenzucker), that are practically just for boosting your bloodsugar n stuff, I went to get them, walked over, right when I stood in the middle of the room I just passed out. Like I just passed out from one second to another.
Well I woke up like half an hour later, laying on the ground under my desk.
When I tell you I started SCREAMING, I was confused and really fucking hurt. My roommate came in and immediately called an ambulance.
When I fell down I fell on the edge of a wooden chest, with my FUCKING HEAD. Woke up in the hospital and they just said
"You have a concussion, oh and you broke your skull."
She said it so casually ffs. I put my hand on my forehead where I fell down and it was really swollen except for like an area around 4cm long 2cm thick, in that area my skull was CARVED IN.
"Oh yeah you shouldn't push in there, you can damage your brain."
Then she proceeded to tell me that I'm getting discharged and that I just shouldn't strain myself and just sleep a lot.
So now I'm here with a hole in my skull.
IN MY SKULL, I CAN TOUCH MY BRAIN THROUGH THIS HOLE
TL;DR passed out bc I didn't eat enough and bashed my skull in.
couchthievery: What does your brain feel like?
Tobi_tried_2_times: like that squishy thing on the back of babys heads yk, feels good man
couchthievery: uh I don't think you're supposed to squish babys heads??
| 4 | 2.5 | |
1670958640 | 1670990148 | t3_zl40z2 | t5_2to41 | 1,502 | youngbiscotti: TIFU by inviting my dad to our spontaneous town hall wedding
Today I fucked up when I invited my dad to our wedding. We just announced that we are getting married at the town hall in two weeks. Totally spontaneous and romantic after being together for 13 years. My dad got furious because it’s not traditional enough and he always thought he was gonna walk me down the aisle. We were so happy when we told them and now my dad doesn’t want to talk to me. It’s always all about him, his wishes and his ideas. He made me feel so small and wrong. I don’t want to cancel, but the magic kind of disappeared.
We didn’t baptise our child and I didn’t throw a party when I graduated university. And I don’t feel like celebrating my upcoming birthday (30 years old). All stuff he just brought up and is disappointed and mad about.
I hate being in centre and I hate to use money I don’t have. He seems to love being in centre, cause I have to make these huge events about his needs and feelings.
TL:DR We spontaneously wanted to get married and are doing it at the town hall. My dad got so mad because it’s not what he wants
Edit: *aisle
UPDATE: The wedding took place yesterday. The day was perfect. We managed to dodge the bullet before Christmas. We agreed on him walking me “down the aisle” at the town hall. He was in a brand new suit and the biggest smile. He was genially happy for us. It was such a good day. Happy vibes, joy, champagne and lots of rice in our living room 🥂❤️
Thank you for all of your comments. I have read them all to my husband and we both calmed down and made a plan. And it totally worked. Happy new your redditors❤️❤️
youngbiscotti: Oh yes. And my mom just told me he cried of disappoint when we hung up.
I guess it’s all on my sister now. Hope she wants a church wedding and spend lots of money to make his dream wedding come true.
3pbc: >he cried of disappoint
What a little bitch
zypet500: Wow isn't that a little harsh?
I had a zoom wedding and while my parents were happy with it, I also know they have always dreamt of walking me down the aisle and everything else that people do. It is a rite of passage they've dreamt of their whole lives.
They will be disappointed, they might had shed a tear or two there. They definitely needed time to embrace and accept it. I don't know if I'll think that's just a man being a wuss? There is a conversation to be had, an understanding to come to, time to digest things. Perhaps more than a phone call to drop the bomb?
Edit: I stand corrected. Many people *apparently* find it rather acceptable to call their fathers a bitch if they cried out of disappointment from their kids not having a traditional wedding like they had dreamt of.
KBunn: OP Is 30. OP has been in a committed relationship nearly half their life already.
Dad had all the time he needed to realize that OP was NEVER going to be the dream wedding that dad shouldn't be externalizing onto others in the first place.
No, it's not harsh at all to say dads being a little bitch. It's probably actually pretty generous.
zypet500: That's one way to look at it.
Demanding your kid behave in a certain way and forcing them into a mould is externalizing. Dreaming of walking your kid down the aisle is not externalizing. It's called being a parent.
KBunn: >Demanding your kid behave in a certain way and forcing them into a mould is externalizing.
" He made me feel so small and wrong. "
" All stuff he just brought up and is disappointed and mad about. "
I'm glad we can agree that he's externalizing. And that he's a little bitch.
zypet500: I would say it's eye opening the staggering number of people with absolutely zero minimum respect for their fathers.
My own father wasn't that great honestly, but even I wouldn't stoop so low to call my dad a bitch for being disappointed he isn't walking me down the aisle like he expected.
KBunn: >for being disappointed
That's not the issue. The issue is him trying to guilt OP into doing it "his" way.
And people aren't talking down about our fathers. We're commenting on what a shit father OP has for externalizing this crap on them. It's clear that OP's dad has done nothing to earn our respect, so he gets none.
zypet500: I honestly don't see the part that OP's parent is enforcing it and wanting it done his way. I agree that's unreasonable. But where did you see that?
There is a line between being disappointed because father expected traditional, versus father actually DEMANDING it be done that way.
&#x200B;
>My dad got furious because it’s not traditional enough and he always thought he was gonna walk me down the isle.
Well yea we're not talking about everyone's fathers. But people are saying *if* their own fathers were disappointed in not having a traditional wedding and cried, they would call their fathers a bitch. Isn't it?
KBunn: >I honestly don't see the part that OP's parent is enforcing it and wanting it done his way.
Then you're an idiot. He's trying to emotionally manipulate OP into doing it his way. He no longer can actually force, since OP is an adult. So instead he's guilt-tripping them with both barrels.
zypet500: Yea I may be blind that is precisely why I asked you *where did you read that*?
My dad might be disappointed I did not have a traditional wedding, but him being disappointed and me feeling guilty *does not mean he is a dick for guilt-tripping me!*
Guilt tripping is if someone says deliberately manipulative things like they don't mean, to achieve an outcome they want like "oh now I guess I won't die in peace!". But being understandably disappointed, is not guilt tripping.
Guilt tripping is a deliberate choice of words and actions to manipulate. Being disappointed isn't guilt tripping if you *are genuinely disappointed.*
Is that distinction not ... evidently clear or do people think if OP feels guilty, OP's dad must be guilt tripping?
KBunn: >Guilt tripping is a deliberate choice of words and actions to manipulate
That's what OP's dad is doing. And piling it on to make them feel bad enough that he gets his way. And he's a little bitch for doing so.
If he were an adult he'd suck it up, and be happy that his child is grown up, and doing their life their way, successfully.
zypet500: >That's what OP's dad is doing. And piling it on to make them feel bad enough that he gets his way. And he's a little bitch for doing so.
Did OP write this, or did you assume this from the context of the post? You assumed it. That's my point.
gdsmithtx: It’s not an assumption …. it’s precisely what the OP described. “Now he doesn’t want to talk to me.” OP’s words.
Assuming OP is telling the truth, there’s very little room for interpretation.
| 15 | 100.133333 | |
1670786335 | 1671171269 | t3_zj4rlr | t5_2to41 | 90 | Ok_Reflection6658: Tifu when wrapping presents
I have long hair, it goes to my rear and I can end up sitting on it if I'm not careful. So I usually plait my hair.
Today, I had my hair in two plaits, one on each side of my head. The plaits were positioned to go in front of my body. I have been wearing them like this the last week or so. (Obviously replaiting each day.)
Today, I was wrapping Christmas presents whilst watching Wednesday and in the midst of cutting the wrapping paper down to size, I accidently cut one of my plaits.
So half of my hair is around 3 inches smaller then the other half. This is quite noticeable with or without plaits. So, now trying to work out hairstyles that I can utilises until I am able to get to a hairdresser.
I kind of regret not cutting the other one the same length when it happened.
Anyone else had wrapping related issues?
Tl;DR got distracted now have an unexpected hair cut and going to look daft for a while.
woahwtfisthis: Sucks that it happened, hope you figure out a way to solve it. I shaved my hair like three months ago but I still haven't gotten over it lol
By the way, Wednesday's a really good series! I'm binging it rn, currently on episode 5
Ok_Reflection6658: It's great. One episode left for me and already know that I will be waiting eagerly for the next season.
woahwtfisthis: I have finished it too. Waiting for Season 2 even though I'm sure it'll drop when I have already forgotten about it.
| 4 | 22.5 | |
1672517795 | 1672527121 | t3_1002neq | t5_2to41 | 61 | [deleted]: TIFU (NSFW) By leaving my “toy” out
[deleted]
Raven_of_Blades: That red thing? I never seen any toy like that before in my life. Unless your mom is a real perv and expert on sex toys, I doubt she knows what it is, or at least not 100% sure.
PCDub: Yeah I have no idea what that even is hahaha
Xelacik: Clit sucker
PCDub: Ah ok, thanks
| 5 | 12.2 | |
1672517730 | 1672518987 | t3_1002mka | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: TIFU by telling my partner how i felt
[deleted]
crytunes: I say this with respect (and as someone with bipolar 1)...are you currently medicated? In my experience, being off my anti-psychotics is really damaging to my entire environment because I feel pretty okay and confident I can handle myself but I'm really just destroying everything around me.
I hope you get the love and support you need. Good luck OP.
DespicableHorseman: I really appreciate that you're trying to help, but no. we aren't medicated, we aren't bipolar and we aren't under any type of phycosis, being split into multiple was our brains way of handling our trauma, please do some research instead of assuming it's just us being crazy😊/nm /pos
crytunes: Are you self diagnosed?
I didn't say you were bipolar. Having multiple personalities is a mental illness, and there is medical support for it.
You're young and I hope you find your way. I rejected help until 3 months before my 31st birthday and now I dont know why I ruined my whole life until now. Good luck to you.
DespicableHorseman: yes ot's a mental illness, i'm aware, we live through it. but there's no point in explaining it to people who wont listen or do their own research💖
| 5 | 1.4 | |
1672519095 | 1672550232 | t3_10033ko | t5_2to41 | 392 | ifukkinghatemygdlife: TIFU by forgetting about a mandarin orange in my vagina.
[removed]
kae1eb: Orange you glad it wasn’t a banana
CaptMeatPockets: I found this comment very appealing
rob_inn_hood: You mean a-peeling
lxkandel06: r/thatsthejoke
| 5 | 78.4 | |
1672519517 | 1672521250 | t3_10038wp | t5_2to41 | 16 | nopleaseiwontdothat: TIFU by accidentally jerking off to men, and making my girlfriend think I was gay.
Throwaway because duh.
So, to preface, I have a severe addiction to masturbation. I've always been a horny bastard, but I've kept it under the wraps for my girlfriend, who probably wouldn't be too pleased about finally knowing why I was taking so long in the washroom. I've picked up a bad habit from my fapping adventures, and that's been unconsciously jerking off regardless of what's in front of me. I guess because I've been doing it so much, I do it without even thinking about it, regardless of what's in front of me. I could be watching Teletubbies, and I'd be idly masturbating, not even aware of what I'm doing. It's sort of concerning, but I guess I don't really want to look into it too much. Anyways, I've gotten into bodybuilding, and I wanted to get a good sense of the sort of posing I wanted to do. After watching a few videos on this, my girlfriend walks in, and she just sees her boyfriend cranking it to buff dudes in underwear posing. Obviously, she's pissed, especially since she says she doesn't like me masturbating. She asks me what the fuck I'm doing, asks me if I'm gay, and then after an argument, just walked out of the house.
TL;DR: Picked up a bad habit, got caught cranking it to guys.
PlasticInTheBasket: 1st off, weird and concerning. 2nd why is it an immediate cut to gay? Why not bisexual? Clearly you have a girlfriend. Not saying you are gay.
nopleaseiwontdothat: >why is it an immediate cut to gay? Why not bisexual? Clearly you have a girlfriend. Not saying you are gay.
I'm not gay but a lot of gay people are in straight relationships out of pressure, or because they think that's what's right, and apparently my girlfriend thought that's the deal with our relationship. I tried to explain to her that I was straight, but from her point of view, it was pretty damning evidence.
PlasticInTheBasket: Honestly that shows as a red flag on her behalf. If she really were comfortable with who you are she wouldn't be accusing you or angry about anything.
| 4 | 4 | |
1670789784 | 1670861209 | t3_zj6st1 | t5_2to41 | 417 | [deleted]: TIFU by using the showers at my gym.
[deleted]
Random_Guy_47: Might be worth mentioning this to your boss before you get dragged in to the office for some awkward questions about why some of your students are talking about seeing you naked.
purpleelpehant: Doesn't sound like he lives in America. Sounds like he might live somewhere more reasonable. He's probably fine...
Bdr1983: This shit could definitely happen in EU countries as well.
purpleelpehant: I'm sure it could happen, but in the US, it's almost guaranteed.
| 5 | 83.4 | |
1672520357 | 1672520876 | t3_1003izs | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU by buying too much dessert for my wife at once
I 31M and my wife 34F work fairly busy jobs. My wife works as a surgeon. She is highly respected and paid extremely well but the overtime she does sometimes is crazy. Anyway, after a long shift, she called me asking to buy a crepe cake, large boba tea, mint chocolate ice cream, chocolate biscuits, and waffles.
You may be confused about why this is a problem. Well a few months ago something similar happened and she wolfed down all the food with such speed I was flabbergasted. She shoved it down so quickly that I had to stop her from eating so she didn't choke. After that, she became extremely hyper. I'm talking about running around, doing parkour in our living room, becoming extremely giddy, and doing gymnastics. I said to myself never again and flat out refused to buy her loads of dessert unless I was watching her. For some reason, I didn't think of the previous situation and obliviously bought all the snacks.
When I arrived I said I was gonna take a quick shower. I forgot to take the soap I just bought for the shower downstairs where my wife was. As I opened the door this woman side-eyed me as she slowly shoved a waffle ice cream crepe cake combo. I quickly caught on and attempted to stop her but she legged it carrying all the desserts upstairs so she could eat the desserts in peace in our bedroom which had a lock . I chased her upstairs. I don't think she registered how fast I was going because she looked back and shrieked which caused her to lose her footing and she fell back on me. This would have been a romantic moment if she remembered she was holding a crepe cake. BAM! The crepe cake went splat on my face. There was a brief silence during which we both broke out in laughter. To be honest, it was quite funny except I now had an extremely hyper wife on my hands.
This is my first reddit post and any advice to make it better would be highly appreciated
TL;DR forgot my wife cant have too much sugar at once, proceeded to chase her up the stairs which resulted on the crepe cake smashing into my face.
mariat753: Your wife must be quite precocious to be a well paid surgeon at 29.
[deleted]: > sorry i put the wrong age by mistake i meant to put 34 i dont know why i put 29
| 3 | 1 | |
1672517649 | 1672546981 | t3_1002lj4 | t5_2to41 | 46 | _porn_throw_away_69: TIFU by not closing my tabs
Throwaway for obvious reasons.
Literally just happened.
Basically, I(20M) was in the middle of picking out videos for a good ol' jerk session when I hear footsteps at the door. I quickly turn off my bluetooth headphones and close the lid of my laptop while **charging**. Why does charging matter you ask? Because I had changed my laptop settings from before to not do anything when the lid closes and the laptop is charging. I think people know where this is going.
I quickly go to my connected bathroom and claim I am pooping, while en-route to the bathroom, unlocking my room door(he's very weird abt locked doors). After I assume I'm safe, however, my dad quickly says hey, don't pervert yourself and some other nonsense. I quickly deny any and all allegations but alarm bells start ringing. I had forgotten to change the laptop lid settings. The video in question was still playing. Audio was still going. He leaves and now I'm left to my own devices. Never to be able to look him in the eyes again.
More importantly, he actually opened my laptop to check what I was watching. Not that I was watching anything too perverse, I was just mad that he did.
&#x200B;
TL;DR Didn't close my tabs and my dad saw what I was about to jerk off to.
AcrobaticSource3: What video was it? Maybe you can recommend it to your dad, this will be a new level of your relationship
FemaleDogEqualsBitch: I swear I see you on every post. You either give sensible good advice or say the most batshit crazy horseshit. Wanna guess what this is?
winnderrz: goddamn do you have something against her or what?
FemaleDogEqualsBitch: Chill out, man, it’s not like I was insulting her grandmother’s grave or something, I was just begin satirical.
winnderrz: lol okay thanks i just found it funny that you were acting like that
FemaleDogEqualsBitch: Lmao I thought you were just being a simp, my bad.
winnderrz: it’s all good my man stay satire
| 8 | 5.75 | |
1672520176 | 1672522964 | t3_1003gwf | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU By Getting Drunk
[deleted]
AcrobaticSource3: Don’t keep us in suspense, did your friend kill you or not?
Elunoir: yes he did, tragic I'm using the in-flight wifi on this southwest plane heading to hell as we speak
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1670781852 | 1670821661 | t3_zj1ym9 | t5_2to41 | 8 | BlossomCheryl: TIFU by selecting the wrong bluetooth speaker (also an apology)
This happened yesterday, and is probably less risqué as some are hoping.
My lifelong bestie lives in a small neighbourhood in Ottawa, Ontario. I’m over for the weekend helping her get some heavy work and cleaning done in her apartment because reasons.
She goes out to run some errands - get more cleaning supplies, coffee, dinner ingredients etc. I’m left to do some work in the apartment.
She had directed me to some unopened earbuds to borrow so I could clean while listening to high energy music.
So after some technical finagling, I finally get them charged, and get to the pairing process. I have been over before, so I thought I knew and recognized the bluetooth connections that had already been there. She has a few bluetooth devices here, so I selected the one I didn’t recognize. Because in an apartment building, all the bluetooth connections you detect on your phone are definitely from your own unit, right? /s
So I turned on some music to loud, selected the thing that I hastily guessed was the earbuds, and paired.
No sound.
I take them out.
I hear Rob Zombies Dragula playing from… somewhere else… and some thumping to the beat of it.
I look back at my phone and see that the new earbuds now had it’s own, clearly marked selection, which I would have known to look for if I read the directions before starting this process. Their connection had appeared afterwards, and I just didn’t wait the extra second or two for them to be there when I went and picked a device.
I am SOOOOO embarrassed. To whoever got Rob Zombie sound bombed in their own home in the early afternoon yesterday, I am so, so sorry. That must have made you really jump. I assure you it was an accident. Thank you for turning off your bluetooth device while I panic-fumbled to unpair it, and for not hunting me down/being an angry neighbour about it. I hope you have a happy holiday! 🎄
TL;DR - hastily selected the wrong bluetooth thing while listening to loud music and accidentally sound bombed my friend’s neighbour with Rob Zombie.
Forest-Lark: Thumping to the beat? Sounds like whoever got the blast liked the sound of it at least lol
BlossomCheryl: Omg I can only hope - I feel like they might have thumped along to let me know where it was playing from. I feel like they might have known it was coming from my friend’s unit because I had been playing music already for most of the day.
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1670799147 | 1670801472 | t3_zjdaf3 | t5_2to41 | 12 | [deleted]: TIFU by almost committing suicide with sushi
[deleted]
mossydeerbones: I'm sure you're coping with humour but this seems like a lot of words to say your eating disorder is so bad you got refeeding syndrome from a single hearty meal.
Top-Hovercraft-5679: Don't worry I got the crisis questions from the doctors and they also determined that I'm stupid enough to accidentally enter ketosis. I'm eating way more now lol. Considering I can feel hunger again I'm gonna do pretty much everything I can to _not_ enter ketosis again.
Edit: Should have provided more context, I have pretty severe ADHD and I was working on multiple large projects so I was basically mentally utilized 100% of the time, and when you have ADHD as bad as mine 'Eating' has very mutable priority. It ain't so mutable now though, she's fixed at the top of the list.
The_Man_87: Just be sure to take care of yourself. When I was suffering from anorexia I had many similar symptoms. It's good to hear you've made a recovery from the insulin overdose though :)
Top-Hovercraft-5679: Cheers my homie, I'm glad you're doing better too :>
| 5 | 2.4 | |
1672523753 | 1672557953 | t3_1004p3m | t5_2to41 | 3,234 | JustBeingHonest4: TIFU by giving my brother a 3k piece puzzle
My brother has been feeling low (he has seasonal affective disorder) lately and I wanted to get him a thoughtful gift. Recently I realized that no one in our family has ever taken an interest in his hobbies. So I got him a gift related to his hobby, a three thousand piece puzzle of an image of a bunch of characters he loves. I thought he would love the gift, and he did, but there's one thing I didn't consider.
There isn't a surface big enough in my brother's house to do this puzzle, save for one, the floor of the nursery, the one my niece will be living in less than four months from now. He sent me a picture of the floor of the nursery, covered in puzzle pieces. My brother returns to work on Monday, and realistically, between work, chores, baby prep, spending time with his family, he is going to have less than an hour a day to devote to this puzzle. He isn't an avid puzzler. He's got like four pieces put together so far (all edge pieces).
Now my brother is starting to panic. He's worried that he won't finish before the baby arrives, and he has nowhere else this puzzle will fit. He was going to just pick up the pieces and postpone the puzzle, but he promised my nephews they would all three do the puzzle together, and Ricky is already super into it, so my brother doesn't want to disappoint him.
Now my brother is racing against the clock to finish this puzzle before his daughter is born. What was supposed to be fun and relaxing has become a new source of anxiety for him. I should have gotten him a signed poster.
TLDR: I wanted to help my brother feel less depressed, so I bought him a 3k piece puzzle, and now he only has a few months to finish it and is stressed.
NovaHorizon: Next time get him a puzzle mat so he can just roll it up and finish it later or somewhere else
JustBeingHonest4: Great idea! I'll look for one online, thanks.
Sarkastrix: I bought one and it was basically just a yoga mat. Just get a $5 yoga mat instead of the $30 puzzle mats....lol
VikingBorealis: Puzzle mats tend to be felt,which doesn't keep its shape qna dhwta to stay rolled up. They also usually come with a tube for storage.
Nandabun: qna dhwta to you too!
underbite420: Wait. Is it a slur, compliment, greeting, or what?
WhoByWater: It can be anything your heart desires.
slowasaspeedingsloth: Starting off the new year with a mystery!
| 9 | 359.333333 | |
1670800233 | 1670806687 | t3_zjdwe8 | t5_2to41 | 73 | [deleted]: TIFU by wasting my roommate's mom's $15,000 (life dependent) medication
[deleted]
Busy-Temporary3991: Honestly I've done the same with my sons (at the time he was only 2) life savings medicine, it had been in the fridge and I placed them in a small cooler on the counter while cleaning out a spill from leftovers in the fridge and completely forgot about them until two days later when I saw the cooler tucked in the corner on the counter. Granted his are only 2k a vial but I left out a total of 8 vials.....I was absolutely devastated, embarrassed, and truly felt like the worst mom. Accidents happen, all you can do is give a sincere apology and do better in the future. Please don't beat yourself up about it as these things tragically do happen.
KarmacrossFM: Thanks for sharing this. Luckily, my roommate told me his mother said not to worry about it but I still feel like it's her just trying to cope. There's no response from her that can erase the shear amount of guilt. I'm struggling to even think about eating the groceries she bought for us.
Even if she is rich and has a lot of wealth, that's no excuse to be so negligent about her belongings (especially medicine). Otherwise, thank you again for sharing this. How long did it take you to get over it, mentally, in that scenario?
Busy-Temporary3991: Well he is 4 now and to this day when I see his medicine vials there is still a wave of guilt, it is way less now than it was then though. Just show yourself grace, you obviously care deeply and feel awful so that means you aren't the monster you feel like right now. With time you will feel better though.
Perhaps send her a bouquet with a sincere note explaining what you learned and how badly you feel?
KarmacrossFM: I appreciate the words really. Words cannot describe how much I cried today after the incident but you've made me feel a little hopeful.
I want to a gift like that but, I'm just afraid it will come off patronizing for such an incredibly big financial loss.
Busy-Temporary3991: I don't believe it will come off that way, she's already come around to understanding it was an accident. You could even explain how you wish you were financially able to replace her loss and that you hope she views these flowers as a stepping stone to forgiveness or something of the sort.
| 6 | 12.166667 | |
1670804434 | 1670841866 | t3_zjg3tc | t5_2to41 | 5 | jkdjdbndbd: TIFU for being stupid enough to fall for a married man and getting hurt
I am friends with this guy and we got a got more closer lately. About three months ago, we started realizing that we're attracted to each other, and we ended up hugging, kissing and cuddling.
The thing is, he's married, he has a daughter and his wife is pregnant.
He's 3 years older than me. He's only been with his wife his entire life. For 15 years.
We decided we shouldn't act on our desires but kept texting after that. All day, everyday.
I don't even know how he does it, because we keep talking until we fall asleep, very late at night, and I never dared to ask how he does that while having a wife.
He keeps flirting with me. And our conversations are not entirely innocent.
I admit I started developing feelings for him. And I know this is not good. Each time we talk about it and how we should stop.
But each time we see each other we end up crossing the line but we haven't entirely slept together.
We kissed, hugged, cuddled, foreplay, oral sex.
And last time he actually had a condom and wanted to go all the way. But I stopped him and told him we should never do that again.
I feel like he made his peace with the fact of cheating on his wife. Even though he loves his wife and they don't have any apparent problems and he never wants to be with someone other than her.
Still, he fantasizes about me all the time. Jerk off thinking about me every night. And keeps having dreams about me. And he wants to sleep with me.
I know it's just curiosity on his end since he's never been with another woman. But the way he talks with me and how he keeps thinking about me makes me feel good.
Earlier he asked me if I pleasured myself today, just one of the random questions he sometimes ask. And then asked me what I was thinking about. I didn't want to answer so I said I didn't remember, then returned the question.
And I wish I hadn't. Usually I avoid asking these kind of questions because I'd rather not know the answer.
And he said "oh I wasn't alone. I'm usually not alone".
And that just hit me and I felt really bad after that.
I guess some part of me was hoping they weren't active anymore. But they are. And I just feel sad, hurt and stupid but can't talk about it to anyone because I deserve this.
So I'm writing it here while crying on my corner.
TL,DR : got closer to a married man who's interested in me, I fell for him, we keep talking about inappropriate things and we crossed the line physically. And now I'm getting hurt by this and can't talk about it to anyone.
OkVolume1: Disconnect completely. This ends well for no one. His wife doesn't deserve to be the "other woman" in his life.
jkdjdbndbd: Well I'm the other woman.
OkVolume1: And you don't need to be that. He has a wife and kids. Cut ties and move on.
| 4 | 1.25 | |
1672526850 | 1672565632 | t3_1005q5a | t5_2to41 | 186 | couchthievery: TIFU by persuading my friend to take shrooms and ruining his life
[removed]
RelativeSituation773: holy shit, good to hear he's fine now and doesn't hold a grudge or anything
couchthievery: Yeah. He's a very grudgeless person.
Malessar: Maybe hes just plotting revenge and needs you to stop avoiding him...
Probably not. But yeah id say let bygones be bygones idk its just an awful thing that happened
couchthievery: lmao yeah he's doing the long game, waiting til my defences are down.
| 5 | 37.2 | |
1670810246 | 1670814313 | t3_zjiwrx | t5_2to41 | 35 | [deleted]: TIFU by hooking up in a semi-public venue
[deleted]
deadstar420: You spent $500 on a 1oz face serum??? And the fact you let a guy cum inside you on the first time meeting and then proceeded to walk around for HOURS with jizz leaking from you is just gross.
DrC8H10N4O2: I would not say gross. Ill advised probably but not gross. I’m not going to yuck another person’s consensually agreed to yum. But I would wonder if this is a legit story.
deadstar420: It’s a great way to get a UTI, it’s pretty gross to just leave cum inside you for hours.
KungFuTuna: He can't get a UTI from that.
Fornicatinzebra: Why do you keep saying he?
KungFuTuna: Cause OP is a he?
Fornicatinzebra: The story is clearly from the pov of a women
EDIT: nevermind!
KungFuTuna: Where does it say that? And why would OP's profile say he's a gay man? And why would his profile have all this other stuff that establishes him as a gay man (like nude videos)?
Fornicatinzebra: I stand corrected! Apologies. It was the "leaking" that made me think women
| 10 | 3.5 | |
1670810852 | 1670825334 | t3_zjj7h1 | t5_2to41 | 17 | wellcrap12309: TIFU by getting drunk and not recognizing my partner
[removed]
ThatKaleidoscope8736: Maybe take a step back from drinking. You're 22 and this is not the end of your love life.
id10t_issues79: Wish someone had told me this when I was 22. Could have prevented a lot of stupid stuff, blackout drinking, AA meetings, court dates, etc. I don't miss those day's at all.
| 3 | 5.666667 | |
1672529176 | 1672595543 | t3_1006h6p | t5_2to41 | 18 | [deleted]: TIFU by trying to return a phole I stole
[deleted]
drdrizzy13: Lucky you didn't get shot. You a tourist?
Harry_Gorilla: Found the guy
| 3 | 6 | |
1672529113 | 1672540435 | t3_1006gi6 | t5_2to41 | 1,739 | throwaway00000097: TIFU I fucked up by finding out my homophobic dad watches gay porn
[removed]
Bigdaddylovesfatties: I'm not exactly sure what you're expecting if you bring this up with him. It won't be good
throwaway00000097: I’m not sure tbh. It’s just weird that he’s so outwardly repulsed by gay men and seems to be one himself. I probably won’t say anything to him, but I may ask my boyfriend what his perspective on this because he was convinced of this before I had any idea.
ThaumKitten: It's called being a hypocrite. Which 95% of the time, "homophobes" tend to very much be.
throwaway00000097: Lol my “straight” friend once tried to convince my bf to cheat on me with him so I know this to be very very true
avokittyo: "Friend"
throwaway00000097: Yeah he’s not in my life anymore lol
avokittyo: Glad to hear! <3
| 8 | 217.375 | |
1670811921 | 1670814436 | t3_zjjpke | t5_2to41 | 143 | [deleted]: TIFU by trying to practice an*l by myself to surprise my partner
[removed]
hollypistachio: Not believing and not even being together? Ok bye.
princesssl0b: Exactly!! Like we broke up 3 months ago because HE fucked up and did a lot of things out of anger and insecurity that ended with my sister calling a wellness check on me because she thought he unalived me. Even if I wanted to fuck other people (which I didn’t) he still has no right to be hurt.
hollypistachio: ...please stop seeing this person altogether, he sounds like a loser at minimum and at maximum a threat to your life. There are a bazillion other people out there. Let this idiot go. You don't need to entice a real man with sex acts you're not into.
princesssl0b: At this point I agree and this is a blessing in disguise but Im petty and would like to prove a point before giving both middle fingers up
hollypistachio: Living well is the only real revenge. Don't even check that rearview. As long as you feel you have something to prove to him he's still winning.
princesssl0b: You are so kind. I was truly embarrassed posting this but you made me feel a lot better about not caring enough to find the footage. I’m definitely taking your advise and running with it.
| 7 | 20.428571 | |
1670811080 | 1672843060 | t3_zjjbel | t5_2to41 | 21 | pennyonthefloor: TIFU by pouring hot wax on my lady bits
About a year ago, I purchased a body waxing kit. Read tons of reviews, selected what I felt to be a reasonable product for the price. Also was quite happy that it came with an adjustable temperature dial (critical knowledge moving forward). Had a skin prep cleaning spray, melting wax beads, and a conditioning after spray. Perfect solution for what I was looking for. Would highly recommend this waxing kit, actually.
Months have gone by and I've been quite pleased with the results... have waxed my eyebrows, hair on my toes, armpits, and various other NSFW areas. It had become quite an enjoyable process (albeit somewhat painful), but was "me" time and something that tends to be rewarding for weeks afterwards.
The other night, I had a location to myself so I figured I'd get caught up on some personal grooming. I'm horrible at remembering certain things and couldn't quite remember what the ideal temperature setting was for the wax melter. Of course the user manual was not at the location I was... so there was no "looking it up." I set it for 190 and all was well (I don't believe the setting is reflective of an actual temperature of 190... but that's what I thought I remembered setting it at previously and it wasn't *too* hot). Got through taking care of my armpits with no problems at all and moved on to other NSFW areas. Somehow in the entire process, I got distracted by a phone call and had moved some things around where the wax melter was sitting. I got back to the task at hand and instantly knew something had gone terribly wrong.
Body wax is a funny thing. When you apply it, it takes time for it to cool and harden (and thus be able to be removed from your body). If it doesn't cool, it transfers the heat to whatever else touches it and is sticky/tacky until it cools and hardens. Unfortunately for me, I was going about my business thinking it was a manageable temperature as it had been for the previous bit of time.... and I was wrong. So wrong.
My eyes welled up with tears. I had just smeared what felt like lava on my genitals. The instant the pain set in, I realized I had two options: do nothing, grin and bear it... minimizing the amount of skin impacted OR try to get it off and risk smearing it to other areas of innocence, potentially resulting in a greater surface area of catastrophe. I cussed like a trucker and chose the former.
As I sit with my delicate flesh searing, I realized that somehow the dial on the melter had been bumped and turned up. The digital readout was way higher than what I had set it at... and the time lapse must have been significant enough to allow the wax to actually get to that temperature. I don't believe (as I mentioned before) that what is shown on the display is reflective of a temperature (as a temperature of 140 results in 2nd degree burns in 3 seconds)... but it was hot. And not a sexy hot, either.
I now have what looks like second degree burns in various delicate areas and cannot help but laugh at the entire situation. Burns tend to heal best with open air and... well... that hasn't been a possibility for the past two days and won't be able to occur in the forseeable future.
TL;DR Don't get distracted while waxing otherwise you'll pay dearly with burnt flesh.
Other-Ad-9754: this sounds extremely unpleasant. My heart goes out to the burned kitty harmed in the making of this reddit post.
pennyonthefloor: There’s a scar still, but all healed now
Other-Ad-9754: still in a dead bedroom though?
pennyonthefloor: Yup.
Other-Ad-9754: sounds pretty miserable, my pm's are always open if you ever need a hand
| 6 | 3.5 | |
1670812394 | 1670827040 | t3_zjjxl9 | t5_2to41 | 207 | [deleted]: TIFU by telling my boyfriend about my vagina fear
[deleted]
Over-Remove: This sounds like a form of body dysmorphia. I strongly suggest therapy. I don’t think your bf is laughing but he is probably worried and sad that you see a crucial part of your body in such a way. Heck I, a total stranger, feel sad. If he loves you he is probably worried for you.
throwaway3132710: Oh no, I see why you would think it’s body dysmorphia but I find them unsettling in general (not just mines haha) it’s not an insecurity, more like “oh shit I’ve never paid attention to that” but thanks for your concern :)
grimmistired: You said it was a phobia and you can't even look at it though
throwaway3132710: I get confused myself sometimes on wether it’s a phobia of looking at it, or if it just turns me off\reminds me of a wound!
Honestly just trying to figure it out haha
grimmistired: I see. Phobias are very intense irrational fears so maybe not?
throwaway3132710: You know the feeling when you look at a deep wound? That’s the feeling I get when looking at it for too long
But you’re right it’s probably not a phobia
| 7 | 29.571429 | |
1670810475 | 1670832892 | t3_zjj0y6 | t5_2to41 | 9 | owlisanoaktree: TIFU by buying a mattress
First time poster and on mobile, so sorry if there are any issues with the format. Also English is not my first language.
TLDR at the end.
So, for some context, I've never really bought a mattress for myself. When I moved out of my parents I just took over the matress from the previous tenant. My BF had a similar story with his mattress.
We moved in together a year ago and it became clear that between my old mattress and my BFs even older slated bed frame there was just no way for me to sleep well. I weigh something around 55kg and he around 85 and it felt like I was sleeping on the edge of the funnel created by his gravitational field.
Now here's the fuck up. We went to buy a new mattress after doing a bit of reading on the matter and asked for a hard mattress. Immediately, the store guy (who's the most passionate person about mattresses and sleep quality I've ever seen) looks at me and says that although it sounds ok for my BF to get this, it's probably not the right choice for me. I explain to him our situation. He asks me to lay down on different mattresses. The harder mattress doesn't feel as comfy, but my BF and I think that it'll probably just give in with time. Also he's next to me in bed and previous experience shows this really affects the rest of the sleeping system. So I guess the mattress should be a bit harder than ideal at first, right? I'm starting to have second thoughts.
Just as I'm second guessing our hard mattress decision, an old lady walks in and goes about getting a hard mattress. He points no problems out. Ok, we're probably fine with our choice, it'll feel comfier once I'm sleeping on it and not with all my clothes in the store.
And now guys I'm writing this post with back pain and unable to sleep. My BF is sleeping like a rock. 10/10 the dude knew his shit.
I've looked up the return policy, I would be more optimistic if I wouldn't be traveling next week, making arrangements for returning really difficult.
Also I'm almost embarrassed of going back to the store and talk to the guy about this and get yet another new mattress. Also also (and this may end up to be the biggest part of the fuck up) even though we had our mattress cover washed, it wasn't dry in time for the new mattress, our horny selves couldn't wait to test the mattress out and... there's a stain.
Sleep well for whoever it is also time so sleep!
TLDR: I wanted to buy a hard mattress, store guy advised against it, but I went ahead with it anyway. Now I have back pain and lack of sleep.
ballslaptastic: Never be embarrassed to return something that is within the policy.
Sleep is important. Your back is important.
owlisanoaktree: I think I'll try and see if it works out. Maybe they're flexible with pick up dates
| 3 | 3 | |
1672530542 | 1672563020 | t3_1006wl0 | t5_2to41 | 17 | poopmushroom: TIFU by constantly singing this one song around my girlfriend and giving her the “ick”
Using my throwaway account so she doesn't see this.
So me (25 M) and my girlfriend (22 F) have currently been dating for over a year now and I’ve never seen her this angry at me.
For the past few weeks, I’ve had that one indian song I heard in a meme stuck in my head. (This is the one: https://youtu.be/DJztXj2GPfk). Now, it’s not new for me to randomly sing a song or tune that’s stuck in my head and it’s never been a problem for her. At first, she even thought it was funny! But she soon started to grow tired of it and sounded bothered whenever I sang it. Honestly I thought she was kidding at first because it’s just a song so why would she get so annoyed by it? Either way, she didn’t say anything directly about wanting me to stop so I kept doing it. Then, a few days ago, we were hanging out in her room and while we were making out, my phone’s text notification went off and it reminded me of the song so I jokingly started singing it. I turn over to see my girlfriend’s disgusted face staring back at me. I was confused but I leaned over thinking nothing was wrong until she stopped me and said she didn’t feel like doing anything anymore. I was now even more confused because she was the one who initiated it in the first place so I asked her what was wrong and she kind of snapped, telling me how much she hated that I sang that “stupid, annoying song” and that it gives her “the ick.” I don’t understand how she could feel this passionate about the song but I told her I wouldn’t sing it around her anymore. I thought that was that but then this happened.
For some context, both her and I are discord mods in the same server with our friends. Lately, I haven’t always been hearing the notification sound when someone joins vc, I don’t know if it’s some glitch or what but I just won’t hear it every time. Last night, I was chilling in discord with some friends and we were talking about random shit when one of my friends brought up how well my impression of the Indian song is. Without even thinking, I started singing it and out of nowhere I hear my girlfrioend’s voice say “are you fucking kidding me?” and she server mutes me before leaving the call. Even though we’re both mods, she has more power over me because the server owner is a girl. Because none of the other mods were around last night, I stayed server muted. I messaged my girlfriend to unmute me and she said she wasn’t talking to me! So I gave her the night to calm down but this morning I see I’m still server muted. I get that maybe she can find the song annoying but I feel like she’s totally overreacting and being kind of emotional. Either way, I feel like i fucked up cause she’s probably gonna break up with me.
TLDR: I keep singing that one indian meme song and my girlfriend hates that I do it so she’s currently not talking to me.
thicc_thottt: Honestly, I hope she breaks up with you. You sound like an ass.
Aggressive_Expert_63: For singing a song he likes with literally 0 intentions of annoying her?
Gathorall: Not, for completely ignoring multiple reasonable requests. After which the annoyance was intentional unless OP is the densest thing in the universe.
Aggressive_Expert_63: I don't see why both you guys and his gf are so bothered by the song, yall are acting like its something that physically and emotionally hurt you :/
Gathorall: The song is a fad, close to meaningless to him. Why or how it is severely annoying to her is irrelevant, as it is. He is a dick for not acting accordingly.
Do you really expect a separate fully logical explanation to simply make the decision to not be a dick? Is being a dick something you aspire to? Because I see "To not be a dick. " as a logical and sufficient reason to do things, but you're free to your own opinion.
Aggressive_Expert_63: I get that the song may be annoying for her after a while but she's kinda overreacting, it's not hurting her in any way
Also why does it matter if it's "close to meaningless to him". Is he not allowed to sing a song he finds enjoyable?
Gathorall: Is her major annoyance worth less to him than his mild amusement? If it is he's a selfish dick, you really insist on being off the mark here.
Aggressive_Expert_63: Yea sure he made a mistake of singing the song in her hearing but she's overreacting a bit and you guys throwing insults at him are just as bad. Again its not like he did something that hurt her physically or will destroy her future.
She does have a right to feel annoyed from hearing the song but slowly distancing herself from him over a song is overreacting a bit
| 9 | 1.888889 | |
1672530764 | 1672551897 | t3_1006z2m | t5_2to41 | 8 | clubberlang2005: TIFU by trying to smoke in public
So on account of New Year’s Eve I decided to buy weed from my cook and smoke it.
I have never ground weed before so I prepared it in my friends house and went to smoke it over in a shady lane. Here in my country I know the shady allies where it’s dark with no cop. I have openly smoked before. As soon as we lit the blunt a cop bike entered our lane and cornered us. Two of your friends (who weren’t smoking ran off) and my bestfriend and I got caught.
Our pockets were immediately seized and my efforts to throw my joint went in vail. The cop took the weed and called for backup. They smelt the joint and knew it was weed. We went Pale.
Honestly, something about this whole incident thrilled me. We were questioned about our background and where we lived. I have been caught on a station without ticket and I ran away (very thrilling) so I did think of running away. But they had our phones. After taking our phone we were made to wait OUTSIDE the police station little away. We weren’t allowed to go in. They asked us to call our father’s. My friends father has won an Oscar and and my father is the head of a prominent airline. I tried speaking to the cop in our local language(marathi) but he wouldn’t budge. He asked us to pay cash.
I called up my elder brother and my friend called his father who luckily didn’t pick up. My brother said he would come immediately. The cops wanted cash. Meanwhile the two friends who ran away, one came to up with ₹2600 ($31). The cops said they wanted somewhere around ₹4000 ($48.34). It’s very obvious that they would split this money between them.
They said they weren’t taking us inside the station because then an FIR (First information report) would be filed and we would have to pay a court fee and stuff. My friend who came tried talking to the cops but to no avail. K tried buttering the cops but nothing would happen.
My brother arrived and spoke to them. I do not know what he said because the cops suddenly started smiling and became sweet to us. They even returned us our joints and stash.
Tldr: smoked in public and got my cops but my brother let us go
Lapcat420: What country? I don't recognize the currency symbol.
clubberlang2005: India. It’s the Indian nationals rupee
Lapcat420: Sorry my friend. Cannabis is not the demon it's made out to be.
| 4 | 2 | |
1670814274 | 1670874438 | t3_zjksbv | t5_2to41 | 56 | MoFansMoMoney: TIFU by not realizing my pockets had zippers
I came home from uni this weekend and before making my way back, I decided to take my dog out to play as it had been snowing for a day now and she seems to have so much fun watching how the powder snow reacts when she runs on it.
I put on a hoodie and a jacket and contemplated taking my phone with me for fear of losing it while playing with her but ultimately decided I needed pictures to look at back at uni.
I decided to run through a field with her, promptly causing my phone to fall out of my hoodie pocket and into the snow. Upon realising I (unsuccesfully) searched for it before returning home to grab a rake and rake wherever I saw our prints in -10 degree weather , holding a torch in my mouth as its already dark out at this point. My dad forced me to come home when my boots stuck to my feet because of how cold it was. I could barely walk because I couldnt feel my feet and had been crying so my face was so cold.
I literally cannot afford a new one and my life right now kind of depends on it because all my new bank, uni and transport info is on it so this really sucks espescially as I only got it a few months ago through working beside school after I had gotten scammed with a broken phone last year. Not to mention all the new contacts I made at uni are on the SIM :,)
Now I get to wake up in a couple of hours when the sun starts to rise again to keep looking so I can hopefully at least save the SIM and get back to uni asap.
The best part of all this is...my jacket literally had zippers on the pockets...I could have put it in the jacket AND ZIPPED THE POCKETS UP. Well.
TL;DR: Dropped my phone in the snow, can't find it, will have a very hard time in the new city without it
&#x200B;
EDIT: It took drive, perseverence, it took stamina and many redbulls but I am happy to be the bearer of good news friends,
# I did in fact find my phone!
The moment my rake hit the plastic cover of my phone case I collapsed in celebration. It seems to be fine tbh and it was on and receiving messages but I decided to take the cover off anyway, turn it off and leave it in silica gel once I get back to my apartment. Special thanks to my mom who made me tea and a hot water bottle as soon as I came in (couldve done without the "wouldve, couldve" speech but i guess I cant be mad about that) she even made me rice so extra special thank you actually.Also, thanks to my dad, he encouraged me and even though he couldnt get down in the snow with me cause he only wears crocs, it helped alot. My dog didnt really help much because she kept getting distracted by the shiny snow but she gets a freepass for being cute.
And of course, many thanks to those of you who sent me kind words and tips. I hope my story gave you a bit of hope because it seems I mightve have exhausted my entire luck for this year but thats fine because its almost over anyway. Oh well, at least I got my phone back
AcrobaticSource3: What’s your phone number? I’ll call it and maybe you can hear it ring or vibrate
MoFansMoMoney: Thank you thats such a sweet suggestion but I suppose the ringtone is off as I tried that already :(
its_the_new_style: For future reference... Most (at least apple and android) have find my device options. Both will allow you to play sound, overriding silent mode. They will also show you a rough gps position.
MoFansMoMoney: I'm informing myself about it right now, thank you sm for the tip :) Going to work on loss prevention haha
| 5 | 11.2 | |
1670816154 | 1670816919 | t3_zjlnet | t5_2to41 | 2 | AnotherThrowAway3847: Tifu by having spicy ramen before getting on a bus
[removed]
AcrobaticSource3: What flavor was the ramen?
myrdraal2001: Whatever it was it was definitely a pretty shitty one.
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1670819947 | 1670821627 | t3_zjn95y | t5_2to41 | 0 | [deleted]: Tifu by making a bet i couldnt cash
[deleted]
AtheistET: I Wonder how your pickle will look dress as Taylor Swift? Whoops,did I just make a unique comment?
laxtax27: 350 comments is a long eay away friend lol
Neat_Concentrate8196: Idk. It's been posted for 25 minutes and this comment is like 25 or 26.
laxtax27: This is where im fooling everyone
Its unique comments...so only 1 comment per user counts haha.
4d chess
| 5 | 0 | |
1670820434 | 1670867796 | t3_zjngls | t5_2to41 | 9,333 | ConfusedJuicebox: TIFU by laying on my friend’s lap
I (20F) have a guy friend (20M) where we both are affectionate with one another, but nothing more than just like hugging and cuddling really. It’s kind of a weird situation, but I honestly like it.
Last night, I was having some fun with my friends (I’m a college kid), drank and took edibles. I’m an intense lightweight so I somehow got really messed up after just 3mg and 2 seltzers.
My guy friend and I like to hangout late at night. We watch TV together, do crossword puzzles, just sit together, etc. We just stay up late and enjoy our time together.
Last night, after I was with my friends, I invited him over. I didn’t think I was super crossed. I thought I was just vibing….nope. I ended up laying on his lap, which is nothing out of the ordinary, but I was like freaking out and not thinking right.
I had my hand under my head as I was laying on his lap, and he was on my laptop. I should’ve pieced it together but not thinking clearly, I was like “oh am I crushing your hand” because for some reason I thought his hand was under my hand. He said no and that’s when it should’ve clicked in my brain. However two seconds later I proceeded to say “isn’t this your hand” as I grabbed his dick. We both just turned and looked at each other and he like laughed a bit. I freaked out for like 30 mins after that, and he continued to convince me that it was fine and no big deal.
However, I am still extremely mortified. Like he said he doesn’t care at all and it’s fine, yet thinking about it makes me feel sick. I literally cannot speak to him or look at without feeling so gross and ill.
Edit: I am NOT disgusted by him or his dick in any way. I understand I made it seem like that with my choice of words. However, what I meant is that I just feel that way due to the embarrassment. I’ve had a lot on my plate recently, such as getting out of an abusive relationship, so I’ve been super stressed about things and I tend to overthink things. He did nothing wrong. I just react this way with embarrassment sometimes, but I’m working on it.
Edit 2: I told him I liked him a few weeks ago, he said he was attracted to me. However, he said he couldn’t offer me anything more than a friendship. He said he wasn’t ready to be in a relationship. I agreed that I am not ready to be in one either.
Update: This is a very unexpected update, but I discovered that he has a girlfriend that he never me about. He was cheating on her with me for several months. We are no longer friends.
TL;DR I was crossed and laying on my friends lap. I thought his dick was his hand and accidentally grabbed it.
Dryanor: I mean, how would you know it's his dick if it wasn't tied to a basketball.
ConfusedJuicebox: I hate that I know the exact story you’re referencing. 😭
Nymap: Honestly just get over it. What's more important to you keeping him as a friend or ruining the relationship over a dick? Do dicks gross you out in general? If not it was a simple mistake and you were fucked up. End of story. Now go and invite your dude out to a movie or something
ConfusedJuicebox: No they don’t gross me out, I just get really anxious and stressed and overthink things to the point where I make myself feel sick. Yes, it’s a problem, yes I’m working on it.
I told him I like him and then he told me he wasn’t ready for a relationship. I’m also not ready for one either.
Nymap: Do you feel rejected? And apologies if I'm blunt.
ConfusedJuicebox: Not really. I don’t really care that much. Whatever happens happens and is meant to be.
Nymap: That's a valid way to look at it. But if you didn't care that much you wouldn't have had such a reaction. Somewhere some part of you is feeling a certain kind of way. Specially if you tend to overthink
ConfusedJuicebox: I react this way about most embarrassing situations tbh.
Nymap: Well having a shitty ex doesn't help
ConfusedJuicebox: Yeah…that is probably the reasoning behind it. Wow. I didn’t piece that together before.
Nymap: Not sure if that's sarcasm lol. But having someone being controlling and gaslighting can cause lasting anxiety and always overthinking everything because your trying not to fuck anything up even if you don't know what it is that may be getting fucked up. It might be nothing but your brain tells you otherwise because it expects an emergency. Anyway. I'll get off your feed and hope you have a good one
ConfusedJuicebox: It’s not sarcasm at ALL. It’s the truth. I appreciate your input fr it made me think about a lot.
Nymap: Shoot me a message anytime. I'm 34 so I've had a few extra years to go through all the bad shit. I can always help you think less or you're free to blow all your anxiety up on chat and I'll listen and tell you what's up.
gotoline1: r/humansbeingbros
| 15 | 622.2 | |
1670820671 | 1670822491 | t3_zjnk4k | t5_2to41 | 18 | -Dean--: TIFU It's 5am, I'm on the first train of many, for 12 hours. It should have been 6.
I have a bus taking me from the Netherlands to Paris today. I'm in Utrecht, where my bus begins. My hometown is 2 hours away from here.
I just realized at midnight last night, I forgot my fucking passport.
I'm now awake at 5am, on the first train to my town. To pick up a tiny piece of paper that says I'm allowed to travel. It's 2 hours down, a bike ride to home, a bike ride back to the station, then 2 hours back to Utrecht.
Then I can get on the bus, finally. Which is a 6 hour trip.
This is less of a "pity me" post and more of a "please god redditors give me all the stupid links you have to distract me from this nearly 12 hour journey"
If you have a funny video, interesting article, nice song, please send them my way. I will be dying of boredom today and I know just browsing social media won't suffice.
TL;DR
I forgot my passport and now have added 4+ hours to my already 6 hour journey just to get it back
UPDATE: on the next train to the bus, found my stupid passport. I'll update again if the bus driver actually asks for my passport
UPDATE 2: they did check my passport! The dude asked specifically but didn't bother to look inside it
throwinaway456: That's not how I thought the EU worked....
-Dean--: I'm not an EU citizen, unfortunately. My visa only allows me to reside in one country. I need the passport to travel between Schengen areas
PresidentBeast: Who's going to check? I don't remember getting my passport checken in the last decade+.
-Dean--: Unfortunately I will. I took the same bus about 7 months ago and still got checked. Either way I can't risk it. It's a big trip for me
| 5 | 3.6 | |
1670819452 | 1670822668 | t3_zjn1ru | t5_2to41 | 45 | seasab: TIFU by taking my animals on a night walk.
So for background: So I take my dog, Ichabod, on a walk in the evenings. My cat, Cat, got jealous of our evening walks and decided to follow us too. So it's the dog, the cat, and I walking around in the dark at night. I bought them glowing collars, so I have Ichabod as a flashlight and a Cat glowstick so he doesn't get hit because he's not on a leash because... he's a cat in his own neighborhood.
So this has been going fabulously for the 2 months (I got Ich on Oct 1st this year) until tonight. Halfway through our walk, Christmas fireworks start going off. All the neighborhood dogs are barking. It's a long fireworks show, too. Fuck me. Ichabod, my sweet dumb child, is none the wiser, but Cat stares at me for 3 seconds and then starts jogging away. Ichabod and I are following after (walking quickly to not completely scare him) while I'm just watching for cars. All is going as well as it can at this point until Cat jumps over a neighbor's fence and into their yard. Fuck me twice. I wait for the fireworks to stop then not on the neighbors door. No one's home. Then I knock on the next door's neighbor's door. Dogs start barking and this teenage girl answers and I'm fumbling this conversation because I feel and sound like I'm crazy because," Sorry to bother you, but I was walking my cat and dog and my cat got spooked by the fireworks and I think he's in your yard. He's glowing green and has an orange tail." is not a normal sentence. She looks in her yard, and there's no Cat. I thank her and walk off. I'm calling for Cat and contemplating just jumping over the first neighbors' fence to look in their yard. I refrain because I don't know what to do with Ichabod if I do that.
So I start walking around the block to see if I can get a better view of the yards to see if I can see the green glowing light. As I'm calling for Cat, I hear his bell and see a green glow. Oh, thank God. I call him and he comes running to me. I unclip Ichabod and use his leash on Cat. Then, carry the pissed off beast home, because he doesn't like to be held and is jealous that the dog is off leash now. I have never been happier to put a bell and a glowing collar on a cat because we were a mile away from home and I no idea how to find him or hear him without those things.
We're home now, but they're both mad because the walk got cut short. 🙄
TLDR: I was walking my cat and dog, and then Christmas fireworks went off. Cat got spooked, but I eventually found him and carried him home while the dog followed behind.
WeeWooBooBooBusEMT: I recommend 1) both on leashes, and 2) microchips in both along with ID tags. I love night walks with my pets.
seasab: Both are chipped and collared (a breakaway on Cat). Unfortunately, we've tried the cat leash before he's turns into a corpse on a leash. He's an outdoor cat (was a neighborhood stray). So, I think I have to be more aware of timing, I walked them 4 hours earlier than usual because Ich started to do his peepee dance. Around 10-12 is the sweet spot when no one is awake and it's quiet.
| 3 | 15 | |
1670822378 | 1670822587 | t3_zjo9m0 | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: Tifu by getting a boner in a robe
[deleted]
neovb: Sounds like a missed opportunity.
dancedude91: ?
| 3 | 1 | |
1670815832 | 1671157550 | t3_zjli4i | t5_2to41 | 5 | thefifthballbrother: TIFU losing my chance at my dream job
Disclaimer that this happened last week. I don’t want to say what industry I work in but I will say it is a people to people industry. We just had our holiday party last week and I was having a good time I remained relatively sober at the regular party.
I currently work in a department that deals with stuff I’m not super interested in but I do enjoy working in the industry. There is another department that is very exclusive but works exactly in the industry I want to be in. They were just integrated into our company and not a lot of people have been able to break through that wall, but I had been doing a good job. I was invited to lunch the day lunch by one of the lawyers, and he had been helping me meet people. A bunch of the members of that team came into town for our holiday party, so I was excited and had been networking most of the day and had done a good job in the office. The party rolled around and I had decided to avoid getting too drunk but still had a couple drinks to have a good time. I was talking to these guys a lot and was doing fine and trying to give them distance while also networking at some points.
Afterwards all the low level employees went to the after party and I started to get pretty drunk there as most of my peers were doing this as well. Very unexpectedly one of the senior members of the industry I was interested in came to the after party. Earlier in the night I had mentioned wanting to speak with him about roles in their business and he said we could have that talk the next day. I proceeded to try and have the talk with him at the bar and I’m pretty sure I annoyed the hell out of him. I texted him the next day after the party and he seemed excited in his response and about meeting. He didn’t come in that day but came in the next. I shot him a text after seeing him around the office and asked if he had anytime to chat and he didn’t respond. I bumped into him and he was a little weird. I’m pretty bummed because this was a dream job and I shot myself in the foot.
TL;DR: I probably over served myself at the holiday party and think I annoyed an important person that will prevent me from getting my dream job.
Zlifbar: PSA: Just because there are drinks at the company function that doesn't mean you should drink them.
thefifthballbrother: Yeah I learned my lesson for sure. I guess the only reason I have to justify was because it was at the after party, no higher level employees come to that.
| 3 | 1.666667 |
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