start_date stringlengths 10 10 | end_date stringlengths 10 10 | thread_id stringlengths 8 10 ⌀ | subreddit stringclasses 1
value | subreddit_id stringclasses 1
value | total_score int64 -564 194k | text stringlengths 52 58.9k | num_messages int64 3 160 | avg_score float64 -55.17 14.3k |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
1671350713 | 1671366080 | t3_zotgyy | t5_2to41 | 446 | PelletPlinker: TIFU by getting masturbating at work and getting caught by my boss
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Devittraisedto2: My question is why the fuck would you masturbate at your workplace
Keelija9000: I make a nickel, my boss makes a dime, that’s why beat my cock on company time.
Poinsettia917: LMAO And happy cake day!
Keelija9000: Thank you!
| 5 | 89.2 | |
1671356775 | 1671377444 | t3_zouzud | t5_2to41 | 2,879 | Commercial_Low1383: TIFU by expecting my family to pay for my birthday dinner FOLLOWUP
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brendamrl: I just read your posts and I’m so sorry. I moved to the U.S. seeking asylum and lived with a lady who took care of her mom with Alzheimer’s to claim the SS check. The real leech is your mom.
Pandalite: Hey we're conflating two things here. It's one thing to take care of someone who literally can't take care of themselves. With Alzheimer's, either your relatives care for you or you die in a nursing home. As long as the daughter was taking good care of the old lady, that's not the same situation at all.
OP is different; he can be independent but his mom is keeping him from leaving to get his money. That's a leech.
Edit: ok she's trash. But don't diss those people who are actually trying to care for their moms and keep them from dying of Covid in a nursing home.
brendamrl: I think I skipped the part in which she neglected her. Once she left to Cuba for 7 days with that money and left me on charge. She escaped like 3 times and I wanted to drown myself in the pool. My bad, it was too early when I typed that.
Pandalite: Ok in that case that's terrible. But yeah I know a lot of people who care for their elderly parents or even their spouses, when one has dementia and the other doesn't, and the SS supports the food costs for them. Those elderly people look very well cared for and nourished though.
brendamrl: Yeah Im not dumb, i know what It is for, no need to explain yo me social benefits.
| 6 | 479.833333 | |
1671356546 | 1671363854 | t3_zouxud | t5_2to41 | 23 | Public_Medium3522: TIFU by telling my partner to come sit on this pootang
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TuckerCarlsonsOhface: Just an fyi, it’s poontang, unless you mean the Filipino insult putang, which means whore.
quequotion: Gotta wonder if there's not some etymological connection there.
TuckerCarlsonsOhface: I believe they discuss this to great length in the groundbreaking documentary Pootie Tang
| 4 | 5.75 | |
1671358983 | 1671445925 | t3_zovjqp | t5_2to41 | 609 | sarcastic-pickle: TIFU by sleeping with my aunts ex
My aunt and her ex boyfriend broke up a few months ago. I thought they were done. They had some really bad fights and decided to end things. I always thought he was hot but I never said or did anything but after they broke up I thought why not? We only did it once. After a while they got back together. I didn't think much of it but now they are fcking engaged. My aunt doesn't know about us and it's so fcking weird for him to be my uncle. He is literally avoiding me and everyone is getting suspicious about why we can't even stay in the same room. If my aunt finds out she is gonna hate me
Btw I'm 18 he is 31
TL;DR : I slept with my aunts ex thinking they were done but now they are back together and are engaged. My aunt doesn't know and if she finds out she is gonna hate me and probably break up with him again
MissKyza: So you hopped on the same dick your “like a mother to me” Aunty was riding….. that in itself is the biggest turn off I’ve EVER heard. Tell her. She deserves better then a man who’s willing to bang an 18year old the day after they split and you deserve to get your 🍑 👊🏼 by your aunt for doing what you did.
hauj0bb: Where did you get that „like a mother” part from? You seem to be overly judgmental. Catholic by a chance?
MissKyza: From one of her comments in her post… no I don’t have any religious beliefs. I’m definitely judging OP because of her actions. You seem to have trouble with grammar. Illiterate by chance?
hauj0bb: Which part of english grammar is too hard for you to understand? And who tf are you to judge another human being?
MissKyza: The part where you can reread what you wrote and still think it’s correct grammar. Are you okay? Did I hit a nerve? This topic seems to hit close to home for you… have you, by chance, been intimate with a family members ex before? Also this is reddit settle down
hauj0bb: I haven’t, but by your response indicates past intimacy within your family, doesn’t it? You’re manipulative and judgmental, still cannot answer my question, huh? About „like mother” part?
MissKyza: No like I said in my original comment that’s a massive turn off I’ve also never had a partner sleep w a family member that I know of anyways 🤷🏻♀️ you came at me and I responded but now I’m manipulative 💀 you came at me telling me I’m judgmental whilst assuming I must be catholic…. Do you know what that is 👀👀 sounds a bit judgy 🥴 also I told you where the “like a mother” came from in my first reply… maybe I was right on that chance 💀
hauj0bb: Miss. You are using emoji. On reddit.
MissKyza: Person. Take the L. Go play where it’s safe 💀
hauj0bb: You too. Facebook maybe?
MissKyza: Fb is definitely the safer option for you if reddit is too much have fun ❤️
hauj0bb: Oh no, that is your sandbox definitely. And you dare to challenge my grammar, lol.
MissKyza: My bad should’ve added a , or . After “much” you got me
hauj0bb: And you haven’t even seen my bootyhole yet….
MissKyza: I just hope soap and a rag has
hauj0bb: Oh no, I am not into such old and primitive routines. But whatever floats your boat. I am not some judgmental asshole after all. I don’t even judge your „bootyhole” fetish, you see?
MissKyza: The only thing I see is you struggling to hide the embarrassment you’ve brought upon yourself. Just stop take the L and go 💀
hauj0bb: Lol, do I seem embarassed here, miss „bootyhole” lover?
MissKyza: You should be sir
hauj0bb: Why? I am not judgmental asshole. Nor I seek pics of assholes like you do.
MissKyza: You are in fact judgmental and your first reply to my comment is proof. The fact you clicked my profile to find something personal to attack me shows me how much damage my replies have affected you 💀 go take a nap dude
hauj0bb: Lol, affected? Your replies only prove you jump to conclusion without any knowledge. Touch the grass. Also, you're the one who bashed my grammar first (despite english not being my mother's tongue), and yet you dare to talk about "personal attack", lol. Judgmental AND hypocrite. Wow.
ttjr89: You don't start a sentence with "also" either. You sure are arrogant for how much you clearly don't know.
| 24 | 25.375 | |
1671358491 | 1671453693 | t3_zovf4r | t5_2to41 | 144 | ScentedCinnamonStick: TIFU by watching Porn in the shower.
To preface: I (17M) live with my Mother and have had an eating disorder since I was 11. I relapsed recently, so my Mother has been acting with extra care.
Onto tonight
I stay up late and wake up late, like a lot of other people. So obviously, I take showers late. We live in a one bedroom apartment together and I have the living room as my room, so as one can correctly assume, privacy is limited.
So, it makes the most sense to me to take my late shower time when my Mother is asleep to do my business.
Unfortunately for me, the walls are thin…
So as I’m watching a video in the shower, I get a text from my Mother asking me if I’m okay, I say yes and ask why.
She says that she can hear me throwing up. I’m a little confused… then it hits me.
She can hear me watching porn.
I’m trying to reassure her that I am in fact not throwing up without giving away that I’m watching porn. It really isn’t working. After she calms down a bit, I make the fatal mistake of CONTINUING to watch a video. She messages me AGAIN telling me that I need to just tell her what’s going on and that I need help. I again try to calm her down and get out of the shower to contemplate where I went wrong to get to this moment.
I’m currently sitting in the bathroom typing this scared to face my worried to high Hell Mother.
TL;DR My Mother heard me watching Porn in the shower and mistook it for me throwing up.
justbiteme2k: What porn are you watching that sounds like people throwing up?
ScentedCinnamonStick: Literally whatever the first video that popped up was.
But I can’t blame her for thinking what she did.
Interesting_Put_33: You're cool with the first video? Damn, I must watch a lot of porn bc I got to find something I'm in the mood for 😂
ttjr89: Even at 17?
Interesting_Put_33: Oh, nope didn't notice you mentioned that lol makes sense carry on
| 6 | 24 | |
1671368971 | 1671377576 | t3_zoy9ux | t5_2to41 | 100 | Revolutionary_Cut236: TIFU by taking an unsafe route to work because of the ice and had a more exciting ride than anticipated.
So every route to work is 5 minutes away by bike. Strait forward and enjoyable. However this cold morning was different.
So I saw frost on the pathways and decided to cycle on he road like normal until I come to a certain street with a small snicket leading to the main road. But my gut was screaming at me "DO NOT GO DOWN THAT HILL! GO AROUND!" But since I don't really follow it, I make a dumb move and take the snicket between the houses.
So this hill is a short on by about 10 meters along and at a 25-30 degree angle? I had both breaks on and was making my way down slowly.
Half way down my front tyre shot forward causing me to lose control. I managed to get my feet down but they slipped as well! The handlebars twist right and I go flying forward, land on my face and can't move! My bike also landed on my legs. It all happened so fast.
Whiles I was on my back in shock and bleeding from my cheek (near the eye) a pair kf good samaritains were passing on the main road and saw me. They helped me up and got me to work which was 2 minutes away by that point.
I'm fine. just a graze on my left kneecap, a graze and cut near my eye, a couple cuts on my left hand (I landed on my left), some soreness on my legs and a lovely headache from the event.
Watch for black ice lads and ladies. I got lucky! Others not as much...
TL;DR I ignored the unseen dangers of my bike route to work and got hurt for it.
pegasBaO23: I remember my first encounter with black ice, my car not stopping, the abs kicking my foot via the pedal, good thing I wasn't moving particularly fast - only 15km/h
Ps: when dealing with ice of any kind maintain rolling of the tires at all times, because as soon as the tires slip all semblance of control is lost
Revolutionary_Cut236: Wow that must have been pretty scary. The worst thing about black ice is that we think everything is fine but it pops up like the boogeyman.
pegasBaO23: monitor the weather conditions at all times during winter, and it wouldn't sneak up on you
Revolutionary_Cut236: I did do before setting off. But I will be following my gut next time and taking a safer route.
| 5 | 20 | |
1671375221 | 1671457869 | t3_zp0cvn | t5_2to41 | 56 | suolasakaali: TIFU by almost freezing myself
Well, this was actually earlier this week. Basically, I live in a very cold area, there's a ton of snow already, and there even was a blizzard about a week ago. One evening a few days ago I was home alone and had to take my dog out. It was snowing and about -10°C (14°F) outside, and it was also windy which made it feel even colder. I thought I'd just walk the dog for like 15-20 minutes and come back home, no big deal. But this is where everything started going wrong. I stumbled upon a couple of old friends of mine from preschool, and we walked together back to my house. At this point I wasn't too cold yet, and had I gone home like I had initually intended, I would've been fine. My dog however didn't want to go home yet, so I thought we'd walk for a bit more with my friends. However, we ended up walking with them to the neighbourhood they live in, which is about 1,5km (1 mile) away from where I live. Now I was already getting a bit cold, but it was nothing too bad yet. I knew my mom had came home already and was soon leaving to pick my sister up from practice. I called her to ask if she could pick me up too since I was pretty tired and cold and wasn't too bothered to walk home. But she just said "You can walk, you're not too far away, and you don't have to hurry up, just take it easy and come home at your own pace if you know where you are". So I walked home. It had already been over an hour since I had left and I was super cold. My legs barely had any feeling on them since I was only wearing jeans and my cheeks were red as tomatoes since I was wearing a beanie and gloves but not a scarf. I think in total I walked for about 85 minutes and 4,5km (3 miles). When I got inside, I immediately went to bed to warm myself up but not too quickly. My legs were completely red and got a bit purplish too once they started warming up. I was literally shaking, I couldn't stand up without nearly passing out and I was super nauseous. My family was really worried and my dad came to my room twice to check if I was ok. It took me a while to fall asleep but I luckily felt better in the morning. Moral of the story: never dress up too light, you will regret it once you almost pass out when you get to warm yourself up.
TL;DR: I took a long walk with my friends having dressed up way too light and was in terrible condition for the rest of the night
AllDarkWater: Glad you made it. How is your dog?
suolasakaali: He's doing all right, his fur is really fluffy so it kept him warm and nothing bad happened to him :)
enjrolas: he dressed for the weather :)
| 4 | 14 | |
1671377882 | 1671405882 | t3_zp19qk | t5_2to41 | 1,768 | [deleted]: TIFU by letting my girlfriend use my dead mother's hair brush
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xInsomniCatx: wtf is a pube brush?
vuurspuwer: Poop knife’s big sister
xInsomniCatx: uh what?
nah-knee: TIFU lore
xInsomniCatx: Ahh
snookert: Poop knife is a classic
xInsomniCatx: never heard of it
IndieHamster: Just wait till you hear about the cum box or jolly ranchers
ErikTheAngry: Jolly Ranchers is always the one that makes me feel the most ill inside.
Ghostglitch07: Have you read "the swamps of Dagobah" that's the one that got me.
ErikTheAngry: Oh yes, I've read them all. One of those reddit culture things where one must be informed, unfortunately.
Many of them turn my stomach, but Jolly Ranchers was always the worst to me.
| 12 | 147.333333 | |
1671377950 | 1671429355 | t3_zp1aj5 | t5_2to41 | 20 | redditcvnt: TIFU by giving a rich prick his money back
So for the last year I've been living in a house with 6 other guys including this one rich prick who would never pay rent, leaving the money to be paid out of my own pocket (although he eventually did pay me back), drunkenly destroyed the basement and then left suddenly in the night leaving his room in the worst state I've ever seen which we then had to clean up for him. He's a right Patrick Bateman type and he's also incredibly rude.
Anyhow, we all moved out and then last week (not today lol sorry) I got a text from him. Turns out his dad had accidentally sent £600 to my bank account instead of his son's new roommate who happens to share my name. So this may have been a coincidence or part of God's plan, either way, the universe delivered like the ultimate form of karma. So I tell my parents the good news and they immediately tell me that I should send the money back as its technically a crime to keep it, plus his dad started messaging me demanding the money back so I caved and sent it back to him.
Now I'm just miserable as I feel like the universe handed me a silver lining and I just said 'return to sender'. Every time I think about it I just get mad and want to punch a wall. I could've really used that money, while he is rich enough that it is just pennies to him. I mean he was paying for his son's rent! I don't get that luxury and I just feel like I now have to regret this decision for the rest of my life. I just feel like a total pussy and that's why I'll never rise out of poverty, cause I let a rich asshole walk all over me. I could've at least held onto it until he threatened to bring out the lawyers...
TL;DR: A rich prick walked all over me for a year and then when his father accidentally sent me £600 I returned it to him instead of keeping it. I essentially turned down the greatest piece of karma ever delivered because I'm a certified wimp.
CuriousDouble7: Remember that karma thing you're talking about. You did the right thing regardless of how big a prick your roommate was.
redditcvnt: Needed to hear this, thank you, hopefully, all this bad behaviour will catch up with him at some point
SSObserver: I find it usually does. Not necessarily in the ‘they’re broke on the street way’ but more the ‘their leeches on everyone around them and become social pariahs’ way. He’ll never make anything of himself, if he has kids will have no relationship, and will always be dating his future ex wife. It’s a miserable life and I would not be surprised if he ended up becoming an alcoholic
| 4 | 5 | |
1671380507 | 1671416911 | t3_zp27p1 | t5_2to41 | 60 | Gloomy_Ad9290: TIFU by drinking too much
Gotta create a throwaway for this so my mate doesnt recognise it.
So this did technically happen today considering we drank through the night. But I got such a wake up call. I didn't know where to post this, but I need to download it somewhere.
Yesterday a friend called over. Haven't seen him in a long while. We crack open a couple of beers. I had some new whiskeys, so we tried them out. Then we drank more beer. Then ate some pizza for dinner. Then drank more.
Bit of background, this guy is really into wine. Drinks it by the bucket. He's also into beer, strong stuff. He can drink a LOT of alcohol. I like wine but I'm also massively into whiskey. Drink it by the bucket. I'm into beer too.
Anyway, next we dig into the wine. Followed by more wine. Then whiskey. Loads of whiskey. Too much. Well into the night and well into the following morning, still drinking.
3pm today, this guy is in my spare room still recovering. I can smell the vomit from the room. He's violently ill. He eventually pulls himself together so that he can clean himself up and go home.
I'm fine. Feel functional and only slightly ill. I think back to last night and my drunken state, to parts of the night I know he will not remember due to blackout, where I was drunk, but somewhat fine. But too drunk to be responsible at the time. Still drinking.
I'm standing here in the spare room cleaning up after his violent puking. And I'm actually disgusted at myself. This was my fault. I honestly did not realise how much alcohol I can consume until today. To the point where I can put my own friends at risk. Nearly kill them.
I personally don't have a problem with alcohol itself in a dependency or alcoholism perspective. But today I realise I do have a problem being responsible with it. I'm incredibly irresponsible when it comes to alcohol. I'm embarrassed and disgusted at myself. But at the same time glad I realised before something much much worse happened.
I won't say I'll never drink again. But for now I'm done. Me and alcohol are taking a break.
TLDR; I drank so much I nearly killed my friend... yet I feel fine... maybe thats what the beetles were singing about all along...
Edited to note: what I've learned from this is alcohol abuse is not necessarily addiction or dependency. It's also being irresponsible with alcohol. To the point that it's damaging to not just you, but others.
BokChoySr: This happens when I go out with my wife and new friends or my BIL. My wife warns them not to try keeping up with me when it comes to consuming alcohol.
I’ve been drinking regularly since I was 15 years old and can consume huge amounts of beer (thanks Canada).
I have a specific way I like to drink so I don’t get hungover. It’s usually whiskey w/beer chasers to start, a martini or two right before a large dinner, wine with dinner, cognac or digestif afterwards. And then beer!! Lots and lots of beer. I will occasionally do a shot (and regret it) but beer. More and more beer.
Whoever we are with is usually completely loaded by the time we finish dinner and will start mixing in other liquors like tequila or rum. I always ask if they’re sure because I know their judgment is off.
I do have a number of friends that keep up with no issues but my poor BIL will never learn despite warnings from his own wife too. We’ve all known each other for 30 years. As a side note: my BIL is really funny when he drinks.
I’ve laid waste to a number of friends who try to mimic my drinking skills.
Gloomy_Ad9290: I'll add another story here that should have been my first red flag...
A friend of my older brother was vastly renowned for his "drinking prowess". I happened to be going out one night with him due to a work event. My brother warned me, "this guy drinks a lot, don't get fucked up trying to keep up with him". To be honest, I was never one to bother keeping up with anyone anyway. If someone is drinking too fast I have no shame skipping a round, as I usually "catch up" later. But I humoured my brother and agreed.
That night this guy passed out in my apartment and slept on my sofa. Where he peed himself. A fucking nice sofa too that I had to replace as a result. Anyway, he left the next morning and out of embarrassment never spoke to me since.
Today, I am slightly ashamed to admit, I realise it was him trying to keep up with me. I don't quite know how to process this.
babysinblackandImblu: The more you drink the easier it is. Your body gets used to processing the booze more efficiently. I used to go on these two week drinking trips with major drinkers and by the time we were done we were consuming literally half gallons of vodka bottle after bottle with a constant flow of beer. But if I stop drinking for a few months I can’t consume nearly as much. I went a whole year without drinking and had a binge night out and ended up puking in a nearby lot. It was because I had not been drinking and my body couldn’t process it as efficiently because of the dry period.
Gloomy_Ad9290: You're 100% right. The eye opener for me is that I have quite obviously been drinking far too much, far too regularly, for a very long time. I told a story in another comment about a guy who peed himself on my couch. That happened when I was in my late 20s . Circa 15 years ago. I'm a freakin lush head and I didn't realise it until today...
| 5 | 12 | |
1671381057 | 1671386735 | t3_zp2eqn | t5_2to41 | 8 | [deleted]: TIFU by being used to living in a city and not in the rough parts of nature in South Africa (NSFW due to images of injured leg with a fair amount of blood)
[deleted]
z-eldapin: Where are the pics
shangheineken: Came here for the pics
makebeansgreatagain: Click the link and scroll
z-eldapin: No link?
makebeansgreatagain: Literally in the post, well, post is deleted now
| 6 | 1.333333 | |
1671387141 | 1671387655 | t3_zp4h9j | t5_2to41 | -8 | fatbussy777: TIFU by kicking my father down the stairs
[removed]
Thydumbsir: Broo the fuck.. we shouldn't have to say anything for this dumb fuck about pushing your own dad down stairs just because he didn't like ur taste ._.
fatbussy777: dont mess with my waifus… 👿
Thydumbsir: https://i.redd.it/4ly04d5bpq6a1.gif
fatbussy777: dont make me angry.. 😠😡
| 5 | -1.6 | |
1671389631 | 1671394172 | t3_zp5dvv | t5_2to41 | 40 | dickselfiethrowaway: TIFU by telling her I'd send her a dick selfie immediately after asking her out
This happened last night. I, (34M) attended a Christmas party at a friend's house. The girl I was talking to much of the night is mutual friend of the hosts, and we've known each other a few months, but things had gotten increasingly flirty last night.
As she was leaving, I walked her to her car. We continued our conversation, and I asked her out (she said yes) and kissed her goodnight.
When we were about to part ways, she says to text her when I got home, jokingly adding "so she knows I'm not in a ditch". I attempted to joke back that I'd send her a "ditch selfie", however I made an unfortunate Freudian slip and said something entirely different.
Fortunately, she laughed it off, but I probably won't be able to live that down for a while.
TL:DR Accidentally said dick instead of ditch, embarrassment ensues.
AcrobaticSource3: So what type of selfie did you send her? Sounds like she would be receptive to either
dickselfiethrowaway: Lol she said she would prefer neither "at least for now"
Tanagrabelle: Send the ditch pictures to us, then!
| 4 | 10 | |
1671393406 | 1671397477 | t3_zp6swu | t5_2to41 | 1 | b4wii: Tifu by agreeing to adopt a dog and now having remorse
My fiance has been begging to get a dog for a few weeks now and I finally agreed to meet up with this lady trying to re-home a 9 month old female mix puppy. I finally agreed to let us take home this dog after meeting it and it spent the night at our place. I should mention that we did not have the money really to pay the rehoming fee, not did we have money to really go and buy the needed supplies that we didn't get from the lady we got it from.
The next morning (today) I get hit with a wave of depression and all I can think about is how I'm not ready to have a dog in my life and my fiance wants me to wait it out another couple of days before making that decision. I broke down crying saying I wasn't ready and that I was sorry for even agreeing to adopt this dog in the first place.
She currently has the dog out at the park while I think things over but I'm just as depressed and still regretting ever agreeing to get a dog.
TLDR: broke down crying after adopting a dog and I just want to return it while my fiance wants to give it a few days.
brainiac2025: What exactly is depressing you? A dog is some responsibility, but it's not that hard, especially if you share it with another person. I would recommend getting pet insurance, which is like $10-30 a month, but will cover most major issues if they come up. As for food, you can get decent dog food for even a medium sized dog for $100 a month. If you're just struggling with actual depression and not just anxiety from this dog, then you need to get yourself some help.
nnhorizon: Afaik pet insurance is much more than $30/month
brainiac2025: I paid $25 a month for my dog until she passed. My rates never went up, but maybe it's gotten more expensive.
| 4 | 0.25 | |
1671397794 | 1671441950 | t3_zp8hq4 | t5_2to41 | 4 | thisisthrowawayjj: TIFU because I couldn’t perform
Short background, I (18M) have been going back and forth with this girl(19M) now for like a couple months, 2-3 maybe.
Today I was at her place and we were supposed to watch a movie together and just chill, we have done this at multiple occasions now, and we haven’t really or anything before. We always hang out at mine or her place, buy some snacks, chill out and just binge watch a movie series or just a TV - show.
I tried once before to get some, but she refused and said it was too early for her, and I had no problem with that since I genuinely like her.
But today, when I went over to her place expecting literally nothing, was the day she wanted to.
We went to the store bought some snacks as usual, went to her place, and sat down and watched a movie, we made out on the sofa a bit and then we just kept watching after. But 1 hour into the movie she began to climb on top of me and was getting… you know. And I was so surprised by it I didn’t know what to do, I got completely stressed out and I couldn’t perform.
She understood and tried to change the subject, but it was obvious she didn’t want me to stay longer so I just left right now. And I am on my way home.
But I feel like she gave me the cold shoulder and I don’t know what to do.
TL;DR I fucked it by not being able to perform consequently might lose contact with someone I genuinely liked.
Singer-Such: She might be embarrassed as well
Syn-th: Yeah you need to let her know it's not that you don't fancy her. Her self esteem is just as fragile as yours
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1671403460 | 1671407118 | t3_zpan19 | t5_2to41 | 41 | estebanmoonwhisper: TIFU by shaving my nipple
Every year I save up vacation time until early winter and go camping in the desert for a bit. I look forward to it every year.
This year I'm visiting family for the holidays, which I am excited for, but it means I get less time for the camping trip. in fact, I left ok Friday and just got home. We're leaving for family tomorrow.
On Friday when I got to the campsite, I immediately went hiking. Didn't set up the tent or anything, figured I could do that with the headlights on. Just jumped out of the car in my normal day clothes and hit the trails. I really wanted to catch a good sunset, you see.
Well it was still pretty hot out, I was moving fast, carrying camera equipment, and I got sweaty. Well sweat + cotton T-shirt meant that I chafed one of my nipples pretty bad. Fine, whatever, this has happened before. Just throw a bandaid on it and deal with it. Problem is, I'm kind of a hairy guy. And the bandaid wouldn't stick.
Well I'm on a shortened schedule here and I've got a lot to fit in to this trip. I'll be damned if I'm gonna do it with a raw nipple, and I'm not gonna let a little hair get in my way. I took my pocket knife and went to the bathroom and shaved my nipple.
Honestly, this was a great idea. The bandaid was able to stick and I had a great time the rest of the weekend.
Well when I got home I looked in a mirror. And y'all, it's bad. It's like I've got a spotlight directly on my nipple. And I've got a bit of manboob to me so there's this pink nipple perked atop a cone of milky white flesh that abruptly turns in to a forest of dark curly high.
Remember how I said I was going to see family for the holidays? Well my dad just restored a hot tub and he's been SO excited for everyone to use it. We've all been talking about it for weeks, it's gonna be real suspicious if I suddenly try to get out of it.
I really have to start thinking things through.
tl;dr I shaved my nipple to save my camping trip, but didn't think through what it would look like
PlsRfNZ: Shave the rest and then carry on down your tummy.
Bonus points if you leave the middle strip and some lines either side like ab outlines, then you just have to rock the heck out of it. No embarrassment, just superman poses and jokes at yourself, people will love it.
djnehi: Bonus points for creative shave patterns. Bat? Screaming eagle? Stripper on a pole? The possibilities are endless.
| 3 | 13.666667 | |
1671405167 | 1671406456 | t3_zpba9n | t5_2to41 | 80 | Frankenkittie: TIFU by traumatizing 8 grown men with a dirty toilet bowl.
So this happened about a week ago. I work at a store with 8 other people, and we have a restroom that is not open to the public. I suffer from IBS type C, which means I do not go #2 but maybe once every 4-5 days. The day in question, I drank a hot coffee which got things "moving". The toilet has a very low water level, so when I was done, there was a what I would consider small streak of poo on the inside of the bowl. After flushing, I just washed my hands and left the room, thinking it would get washed away by the water. I was off for a couple of days, and when I got back, there was a big drama about the bathroom, where one of our coworkers was so grossed out by the poo on the inside of the bowl, that he actually cut straws and had us draw straws for who had to clean the whole bathroom. One person even straight up refused to take part in the straw-drawing altogether. As the only female at my workplace, realizing how repulsed all these guys were about a dirty toilet bowl was eye-opening. I couldn't admit it was me, so I drew a straw and played along. The original guy that cut the straws ended up cleaning the restroom. I learned my lesson, but I honestly was SHOCKED at the reaction, as I have used hundreds of bathrooms with a little poo streak in the bowl and never thought anything about it. Obviously if it has been somewhere that people would've come in contact with, I would've cleaned it immediately. I'm not an unsanitary person, I swear!
TLDR: I pooped at work, and left a small reminder in the toilet bowl. My coworkers lost their shit.
panicofgods: ???? I've cleaned a commercial bathroom. What srot of streak did you leave to require a whole bathroom cleaning?
Frankenkittie: We clean our restroom once a week. The streak just caused an uproar because no one really wants to clean the bathroom, and they said if everyone cleaned up after themselves every time we used it, no one would ever have to clean the whole thing. It was literally a streak inside the bowl about a quarter inch wide, maybe 2 inches long. Nothing dirty on any other part of the toilet or restroom.
panicofgods: Ahhh OK. Makes more sense then. But still haha
| 4 | 20 | |
1671414022 | 1671649616 | t3_zpefhw | t5_2to41 | 10 | taeshay: TIFU By Going Clubbing
UGH. I recently went clubbing. It was my first time because I had just turned 22. Usually when I hang out with friends, I drink on my own pace with a lot of water, because I'm responsible. I'm supposed to be!! But this time, oh my god.
We took an uber to the club (Don't drink and drive guys!) Before we went in, we pregamed. I guess I should have known better, but it is what it is. I took a couple shots, but I only had a small water bottle, which I finished. I didn't feel drunk, and I was stupid and really wanted to be drunk at the club. It's like taking an edible, you take one and say you don't feel it, so you take another one; next thing you know, you're in another dimension while the Devil strokes your left cheek.
Anyways, we went into the club and I still was not feeling any effect of the alcohol, so my boyfriend bought me two shots. I drank both. The only thing I remember was going to the bathroom and then... lights out. When I woke up I was lying on my couch at home and 5 hours had passed.
I showered, threw up, and then went to bed. In the morning, while nursing the most violent, horrendous hangover, my boyfriend told me the most embarrassing story. I had threw up all over myself at the club, got kicked out and had to be carried out because I was all dead weight. I threw up so much. We took and Uber back and I threw up in his hands, in the Uber, had to pay for the cleaning fees which isn't cheap, and was overall a mess.
Also! In the mess of the night, I happened to slip out of his arms (dead weight, remember) and banged my eye up. So I have a really bad black eye. And my phone screen is so messed up. I called in sick to work for the next two days just because I felt a bit pathetic. All this just in time for Christmas.
Please drink slow and responsibly guys. I'm just lucky I had my boyfriend with me.
TL;DR Drank too fast at the club, blacked and passed out, threw up too much, woke up with a black eye.
Time-Box128: Clubs suck but go to a cool cocktail bar, pool hall, salsa bar, like something with focused interests and you’ll have a better time!
taeshay: I agree! I think if I had gone to someplace I was comfortable with I wouldn’t have overdone myself like this because I wouldn’t have felt like I needed to be super intoxicated.
Time-Box128: I always loved dancing and the idea of clubs sounds so fun but I learned real quick living in LA that clubs vs “special interest events” were totally different. Eventbrite or local venue promoters are awesome!
| 4 | 2.5 | |
1671418096 | 1671473437 | t3_zpfuf7 | t5_2to41 | 6,694 | Actual_Persimmon_964: TIFU by telling reddit I liked women with big noses
I made a post a month ago about how I like big noses on women and it got some nice appreciative comments from reddit. However, I have constantly been receiving pictures of women with big noses from random people on reddit ever since. I don't know if its real or fake, but it has been strangely annoying to receive nose picks from strangers on the internet. I also have been receiving unwanted attention from strangers asking me to rate their nose and at first I thought this was cool, but I suspect that it is just a bunch of trolls messing with me. I have had trouble receiving notifications from reddit because its bombarded with random people's pictures but I might just have to start a new account.
TL;DR: Made a post about appreciating women's nose and got bombarded with nose pics.
UnadvertisedAndroid: You only posted this because the number of random nose photos you were receiving slowed down, didn't you?
JDM713: This guy nose.
OkVolume1: And nosing is half the battle.
fangirlsqueee: G.I. Noooose! A real odiferous hero, G.I. Nose is there.
Totentanz1980: Come on guys, that was all a bit too on the nose.
Teepeewigwam: NOOOOOOOOOOse
| 7 | 956.285714 | |
1671421604 | 1671423439 | t3_zph1nh | t5_2to41 | 13 | Electronic_Test_7923: TIFU by dislocating my boyfriends shoulder
Now I need to preface this by saying my boyfriend has a seizure disorder. This caused his arms to pop out of socket really easily, because his arms would dislocated when he would seize.
So a couple months ago I went to his house. We were laying in his bed watching TV and we started to get a lil hot and heavy. He went down on me for a little while and then we ended up switching positions. So he put my legs on the tops of his shoulders and starting going to town on me again.
At some point my leg moved. It was the slightest bit of movement but goodness gracious did it make a difference.
I laid there in horror listening to him moan and groan at the pain of his arm being dislocated once again. I ended up trying to help him try to pop it back in but to no avail. Turns out his shoulder popped back instead of front. But he got it back in shortly after it popped out.
He's fine now. He ended up getting surgery recently to get it fixed.
TL;DR
I dislocated my boyfriends shoulder by slightly moving my leg while he was going down on me.
AcrobaticSource3: Did he/you finish, tho?
CompleteBack2996: Seems like they finished dealing with the problem, it states he got surgery done.
| 3 | 4.333333 | |
1671421212 | 1671423522 | t3_zpgx0x | t5_2to41 | 6 | Pitiful_Maiden: Tifu by fvtory resetyujng mjhv
I will not go over why i decided to restore it to factory state because it's a long story but i felt i should do it. So, i tried to factory reset my pc but instead of backing up my Windows OS in an external drive i just resetted it.
It took hours upon hours to complete but when it finally did i was taken to the the "choose an operating system screen" in which i had two identical options : Windows 10 volume 3.
Whichever i picked just rebooted my pc and i came back to the selection screen, essentially getting stuck in a loop. Turns out i'll have to make a bootable drive to reinstall the Windows OS.
Tl;dr: factory-resetted my pc, the OS got corrupted and now i need to create a bootable drive to use my pc.
I will not go over why i decided to restore it to factory state because it's a long story but i felt i should do it. So, i tried to factory reset my pc but instead of backing up my Windows OS in an external drive i just resetted it.
It took hours upon hours to complete but when it finally did i was taken to the the "choose an operating system screen" in which i had two identical options : Windows 10 volume 3.
Whichever i picked just rebooted my pc and i came back to the selection screen, essentially getting stuck in a loop. Turns out i'll have to make a bootable drive to reinstall the Windows OS.
Tl;dr: factory-resetted my pc, the OS got corrupted and now i need to create a bootable drive to use my pc.
I will not go over why i decided to restore it to factory state because it's a long story but i felt i should do it. So, i tried to factory reset my pc but instead of backing up my Windows OS in an external drive i just resetted it.
It took hours upon hours to complete but when it finally did i was taken to the the "choose an operating system screen" in which i had two identical options : Windows 10 volume 3.
Whichever i picked just rebooted my pc and i came back to the selection screen, essentially getting stuck in a loop. Turns out i'll have to make a bootable drive to reinstall the Windows OS.
Tl;dr: factory-resetted my pc, the OS got corrupted and now i need to create a bootable drive to use my pc.
GeekyTricky: Oh god! The triple post just injured my brain.
Why must you do this??
shakana44: right and the title makes no sense
| 3 | 2 | |
1671424806 | 1671448566 | t3_zpi3e2 | t5_2to41 | -45 | skrrrtskrrrt321: tifu by unknowingly fapping to a guy
First, I support the LGBTQ+ community. Second, I'm a straight male. Third, it's a funny "fuck up" for me cause I just noticed what's up + I've been enjoying the same video every once in a while!
A few months ago, I found a video that really activated my neurons. It was generic, however, it had elements that made me and my fetishes horny as hell.
Now, the woman who starred in the vid was not completely naked. She was wearing a crop top that went above half her breast. There were no signs of implants under it as well. She wore an underwear and only moved the string covering her butthole to make way for the dildo. And had a feminine face.
Now and then, I remember how hot this vid was and proceed to fap to it again. The same case happened today but then, upon closer inspection, I noticed something different. Something was missing! There was no vagina! Everytime, I was immersed and focused on her butthole but for some reason today, I wondered what her vagina would look like. I coped and thought that maybe the gap between her butthole and vagina is just wide enough for the underwear to still cover or due to the shadow of her thighs. I'd say I was at around 90% before reaching climax when I made that judgement. After the pop, I replayed other parts, increased the brightness, and made measurements. The theorized gap I had in my mind was just a bit too wide, I should say. And to seal the deal, in a 1-2 second angle, there was a bulge.
I was just laughing at this realization cause I've always wondered how people "accidentally" fap to dudes. Goes to show how powerful they've become😂
TL,DR: Fapped to a hot woman many times, didn't notice the vagina was missing until recent closer inspection.
GrymDraig: >First, I support the LGBTQ+ community.
If this was 100% true, you'd know it's possible for someone to not have a vagina and still be a woman.
>I was just laughing at this realization cause I've always wondered how people "accidentally" fap to dudes.
While I don't know who this person was, it's entirely possible and highly likely they weren't a "dude." If they presented as a woman, it's possible they are a trans woman. If this is the case, it's disrespectful to call them a dude or a guy.
People masturbate to whatever turns them on. It's not accidental, nobody was trying to trick you, and there's nothing wrong with that video turning you on.
TxDeepThinker: The OP doesn't agree with your perspective on male and female. Nothing wrong with differing perspectives.
GrymDraig: When your "perspective" erases someone else's identity, there's *absolutely* something wrong with it.
ttjr89: It's safe to refer to someone with a penis as a dude when you have no way of finding out what they use as a pronoun
| 5 | -9 | |
1671430643 | 1672934512 | t3_zpjx5n | t5_2to41 | 118 | HushedCalli: TIFU by making my mom ramen
Earlier today, my mom asked for me to make her some ramen. So I boiled some water to pour into it. I didn't want to get hot water on the counters where the cats would be able get to it, so I moved over to the sink. Probably the biggest mistake I've ever made.
I held the cup over the sink and started pouring the water. My hands are shaky and weak, so I messed up. Boiling water poured all over my left hand. Surprisingly, I didn't scream; instead, I just cried quietly and continued pouring water into the ramen.
Now 2 of my fingers are red and feel like they're on fire; pain medications aren't even working. I've put petroleum jelly on them, and that made it worse. But at least my mom got her ramen.
TL;DR: I boiled water to make ramen and accidentally poured it on my hand.
AcrobaticSource3: Wait, is this ramen in a packet? Don’t you put the packet into boiling water, and not vice verse? Or is it in a cup, like cup o noodles?
HushedCalli: Cup of noodles. According to my ma, they're not supposed to be microwaved. We still ended up microwaving it cause the boiling water didn't work
dewaine01: There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with microwaving cup o noodles
Kubliah: The foam isn't microwave safe...
dewaine01: I’ve never had issues microwaving the foam containers. As long as there’s water inside they’re not going to melt. I’ve made HUNDREDS of cup noodles in the microwave.
Kubliah: Yeah I used to do that for years too but It doesn't have to melt to be dangerous, it can still leech chemicals like styrene into your noodles. Safer just to get an electric kettle and pour it in.
AITAMarriedLady: You do realize it's legitimately the *heat* that causes leaching, not the microwave heat? Pouring hot water into the cup causes the same issue
Kubliah: Microwaves don't heat evenly, they superheat some parts and underheat others. If you don't think that a microwave can get the foam hotter than pre-boiled water then I don't know what to tell you other than it's still better to be safe than sorry.
AITAMarriedLady: Sorry, I don't use Reddit often so I'm just now seeing this response.
You clearly misunderstood my point.
My point was that the cup o noodles itself and in particular the polystyrene the cup is made of, is unsafe. Whether you use the microwave OR boiled water from a kettle (or anywhere else), it's the "heat" itself that causes the leaching of chemicals. From what I have seen, it's very low at 25°C/77°F but starts getting bad especially from 40°C/104°F and up, so not even remotely boiling... As you said, better to be safe than sorry.
Just don't use cup o noodles was my point. I never debated the fact that microwaves "get the foam hotter" nor that they heat unevenly, both are moot points.
Heating polystyrene is dangerous.
Now, the Nissin "Cup Noodle" soup was supposed to have been switched to the Biomass ECO Cup during fiscal year 2022 (which may or may not have already passed, I don't know their fiscal year dates) which is supposed to be more healthy but it still uses petroleum derived plastics which shouldn't be heated either 🤷♀️ even if it is supposedly healthier than the original container.
The best solution would probably be to choose a ramen such as Lotus Foods or Ocean's Halo and heat it in glass containers (preferably with water heated in stainless steel or maybe glass if you have it) in order to lessen the amount of chemicals ingested.
| 10 | 11.8 | |
1671434344 | 1671438781 | t3_zpkz9z | t5_2to41 | 39 | [deleted]: TIFU losing a 115K$ bet on France VS Argentina
[deleted]
Schneeflocke667: You are not good in it, since you lack any self control.
woif0: Besides there's no being good at it. You can just get lucky for a while but you'll never actually be good at it
| 3 | 13 | |
1671436077 | 1671438205 | t3_zplgkc | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU by jumping from a running train.
[deleted]
cock_pussy: Yo, you are lucky you don't make the headlines.
Brightman0103: Bro i had never appreciated life before this was such a lesson for me
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1671446584 | 1671448226 | t3_zpo8st | t5_2to41 | 12 | [deleted]: TIFU by driving my dad's car for practice.
Had an appointment today so I decided to take my dad's car to go there. But I don't my license yet but I've been taking quite a lot of lessons so I thought I would be fine. "I know how a car works, I've driven for quite a bit, I know the law and everything should go smoothly" I thought. but boy oh boy did I drive AWFUL. I didn't break anything but I've most likely wasted SO MUCH GAS IN THESE TIMES, the gear box is probably FUCKED because I kept stalling which rarely happens in my lessons, I've broken SO MANY LAWS, and my parking is just God fucking awful, I HIT SOMEONE'S MIRROR and the worst in my opinion is that I've probably PISSED OFF SO MANY PEOPLE. So uhhhhh yeah I'm very willing to pay whatever bills my dad receives because his dumbass son decided to drive without his permission and SUPERVISION. But hey. I didn't ran over a grandma so that's good.
TL;DR
Had to go somewhere, took my dad's car, drove fucking shit and probably getting a lot of bills soon from my dad.
Doom_Prophet: That's pretty irresponsible. You wouldn't of been insured. What if you'd actually had an accident?
[deleted]: Wouldn't know. Probably have my dad pay it for now and pay him back after I've gotten enough. And not drive anymore for a loooooooong time.
Doom_Prophet: If you hit a pedestrian or cyclist you'd be absolutely fucked.
| 4 | 3 | |
1671443091 | 1671540320 | t3_zpnag4 | t5_2to41 | 26 | Accomplished-Trust11: TIFU by missing out on serving up a valuable lesson.
This happened several years ago. We let Madge, an old college friend, come visit. The woman always had issues. More than half a bubble off of plumb. We treated her to lots of touristy activities and nice dining. At the end of her stay, she offered to buy us lunch. We went to a popular and locally owned place called CheeseBurgers In Paradise.
After we ate, Madge had the bill and she was at the counter trying to decide on which souvenirs to purchase. So, she told us to wait downstairs for her. She showed up with her goodies and we walked in the general direction of the car.
A few minutes later, she mentioned that we got lucky with our meal. How so? Well, they forgot to charge us.
Wait. What?
You guessed it. She pulled a dine & dash on us.
We walked to the car. We got in and I drove back to CheeseBurgers In Paradise. Madge kept asking what I was doing but I wouldn't answer. The universe provided me with a street parking spot near the restaurant and I went in.
I was so embarrassed to have to describe my problem to the cashier, who did his best to explain that maybe the check had been misplaced. No, not a mistake. Our server walked by, dropped our bill on the counter and went into the kitchen. She looked pissed and was gone before I could say anything to her. There was good reason for her to be upset because I had heard that they have to cover tabs left by deadbeats.
But, not on my watch. I paid the bill and added a large tip. I think it helped square things, karma-wise.
Anyway, my fuck up was that I should have asked our server to come out to the car and loudly explain to Madge how she would be impacted by this crime. It would have put our thief in her place and our server might have gotten some satisfaction.
What I did do was explain to Madge that by screwing our server, she screwed us over. The next day, we took her to the airport and said Aloha (which means goodbye).
BTW, I'm totally certain that this wasn't the first time Madge had pulled this shit.
TL;DR our friend screwed us and I could have done more to make it right.
EDIT: corrected the restaurant name to CHEESEburgers In Paradise.
couchthievery: idk man. You sound like a parent who wants to get the police to lecture their kid for them. I don't see why the server would have wanted to do that for you.
Accomplished-Trust11: We were okay with telling her off. And we ghosted her, too. I wouldn't ask the server to do that for me. Only if she wanted to scream at the person who ripped her off. As I said, she looked pissed at me, probably thinking I was knowingly involved in the crime. And, yeah, maybe it would have helped to scare her straight. Maybe not. But, she would have been embarrassed as hell.
couchthievery: All right, thanks for explaining.
| 4 | 6.5 | |
1671456395 | 1671457941 | t3_zprjpk | t5_2to41 | 2 | [deleted]: Tifu by hitting the paste button too fast
[deleted]
shadesofwolves: This post again?
CtpBlack: Alzheimer's - op is 65!
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1671458994 | 1671510909 | t3_zpsla7 | t5_2to41 | 1,567 | dragonsaregnarly: TIFU by ruining Christmas for a young family
Obligatory this did not happen today but about 3 days ago. I (24m) was on the phone with my sister (21f) while shopping for Christmas gifts for my family. I won’t be able to spend Christmas with my family due to work but I keep in touch with them regularly. My sister is super organized and for the past couple of years she has been responsible for stockings. I was in line at the checkout and said “have you gotten any stocking stuffers yet? Dad likes socks” And this poor mom and her 4 kids were behind me in line and heard me say it and I guess they had been eavesdropping for a while because as the kids started crying that Santa wasn’t real I said I was on the phone with Santa himself, and one of the kids said “no that wasn’t Santa you said you’re sorry you can’t make it home this year and mentioned it was your sister!
So yeah, made 4 kids cry in a Walmart like 10 days before Christmas.
TLDR: mentioned stockings to my sister on the phone, kids heard me, figured out Santa wasn’t real.
RedCatte: Not really your fault? If this happened then I don’t think it’s a TIFU on your part. It’s 10 days before Xmas in a Walmart, what the heck else would you be doing there?
This is sus.
dragonsaregnarly: I mean i kind of agree, I feel like that’s a high risk situation if you wanna keep Santa alive and well with your kids but on the other hand I should have been more aware and realized that kids were close by.
I take partial blame
inversegrav: Since when are “stocking stuffer” gifts a santa exclusive?
Everyone gets those little cute or funny things as a “stocking stuffer” for the friends and family
Fancy_Vanilla1249: In my family, wrapped presents were Santa gifts and stockings were always from my parents so this totally wouldn’t have phased me as a kid to hear this conversation.
RIPfreewill: How does your family explain hanging stockings by the chimney with care, hoping that St. Nicholas soon would be there? What’s the connection? Make it make sense!
Fancy_Vanilla1249: Haha I have no idea! Honestly, we had lots of oddities with Santa gifts that we just never found weird? Like my parents did most of my gifts as Santa gifts and just or two as from Mom and Dad. But then my cousins, who lived like two minutes away and were more like siblings to me, their parents did just one big gift as the Santa gift and everything else was from Mom and Dad. And this was known but never questioned as odd that Santa treated us different.
SpacePolice04: When I was a teen, I had my first stocking (I’m Jewish and my step mom’s fam celebrated Christmas). We got candy, leg razors and lottery scratchers. I would hope if Santa were real, these wouldn’t be from him lol.
| 8 | 195.875 | |
1671460236 | 1671467329 | t3_zpt3w3 | t5_2to41 | 44 | [deleted]: TIFU by letting my family down
[deleted]
sadtwizzler: Yikes, you sound like a sheepish kid who broke something and then hid it so you wouldn’t get in trouble. Stop being a coward and man up. You should’ve been the one to bring it up, whether she found the damaged knife or not. You made it into a bigger deal than it needed to be, by lying (by omission of the truth) and letting everyone look for it for a week! How childish and disrespectful.
SullyC13: You're right. I appreciate your straightforwardness and honest take.
| 3 | 14.666667 | |
1671461736 | 1671510657 | t3_zptq25 | t5_2to41 | 37 | [deleted]: TIFU: I ruined all my friendships
[deleted]
TheScruffyStacheGuy: Holy shit what a rat you are... You bring liquor and invite people to drink on school property, get so fucked up that you pass out and then you blame the people you invited while getting off Scot-free. That's plain evil man. And your post shows how selfish you are because you only worry about people hating you 🎻🤏🏻 (tiny violin). Nothing in your post even indicates that you're sorry for Anthony losing his internship. The fact that you're even considering taking his place... C'mon bro... I hope everything you deserve is coming to you.
The school director in your story was also kind of a dick, he pretty much forced you to rat out your friends by threatening to expell you. He had enough reason to expell you right away, he should've just done that.
Your friends were no better though, they also got what was coming to them for forcing you to smoke weed while you were already completely shitfaced. I can speak from experience, that's not a good combination. Being drunk and then smoking weed will completely fuck someone up. That was incredibly stupid and dangerous of them and it shows that they have no concern for your well being.
Only assholes in this story
Mediocre-Tomato-: He had drawn sexual things about me at school. Lying that he bought the drink was one of the ways to get revenge and save myself. And he sell drugs (not just weed), I could have rated him for something much worse to happen.
TheScruffyStacheGuy: It's kind of hilarious that you think "I could have ratted him out even more" is in any way a defence. It makes you look so narcissistic it's kinda scary. I hope we never meet. And why the fuck were you even hanging out with Anthony in the first place if you didn't like his drawings. And now you're talking about revenge. You said your worried because people would think you did this to Anthony on purpose, and now you admitted to doing exactly that because you wanted to take revenge. Are you sure all the lights are on in your attic?
Edit: wait... I figured out why you were hanging out with Anthony. You were buying his weed. And now you say you could have ratted him out for dealing drugs to. So you're also a huge hypocrite. Good to know
Mediocre-Tomato-: I wasn't hanging out with anthony, he showed up to help me while i was drinking (minutes before security ran after us). And about the "revenge", it wasn't for that at first, but on second thought, maybe he deserved it all, because he kind of owed me.
starwhal3000: So he just showed up to help and you threw him under the bus? You should take the internship, you're already a piece of shit... why worry about it now?
Mediocre-Tomato-: I did it to save myself, I have to put self-preservation first, don't I? I'm going to take the internship because I deserve it, I worked so hard to get passed by a drug dealer. The problem here is that I'm worried, I'm all alone, I wish I had at least one friend.
Mission-Practice-309: I felt bad at first, I figured you panicked and made a mistake. Maybe because you were very drunk and high…however your replies here show who you are.
| 8 | 4.625 | |
1671462108 | 1671463272 | t3_zptvql | t5_2to41 | 13 | Fit-Distribution2443: TIFU by letting my mom help somebody
I (21M) messed up by letting my mom (47F) help. For context we are money wise not in a really good place and my mom saw a website where somebody looked for someone who can open a bank account for them in Switzerland (where we live). So she got im contact with him and did it. She mentioned it to me but i didn’t really see a threat in it because you cant get into the negative figures without activating it and she didn’t. So she opened one up and gave the informations to him. He said he would pay us 600$ per month for it. Turns out that this bastard did momey laundering and they arrested my mom today while she was at work. The police said that they’re believing her but they need to make more investigation first. They may fine her. I dont know what to do. Im so pissed at myself for letting that happen since im always cautious about everything. Does anyone have a ideo on what to do?
TL;DR I let my mom help some stranger and now she got arrested because he did momey laundering.
dpg3456: Have you gotten an attorney?
Fit-Distribution2443: No, not yet. Im thinkin about getting one when the police can tell us more attorneys are expensive as hell
Skyyywalker215: Get one. Now. This can turn into a fucked up situation very quickly; police seem like they are your friend until they are not. By then, you have given them enough rope to hang you. Also, I assume your mom provide her contact info when making the account? If so, the person who is laundering money has this info too. If she cooperates with the police, she could be a target. Time to move.
| 4 | 3.25 | |
1671461901 | 1671491617 | t3_zptsd9 | t5_2to41 | 194 | Gingr__: TIFU By Almost Killing A Man.
I was working as a construction worker on a large building project in the city. My job was to assist with the installation of support beams for the structure. One day, as I was hoisting a beam into place, I accidentally dropped it.
The beam fell and struck a civilian who was walking by the construction site. The impact was severe, and the person was rushed to the hospital with serious injuries.
As a result of the accident, my employer was sued by the injured party for negligence. The company was found liable and had to pay a large settlement.
I was devastated by what had happened and was filled with remorse for my mistake. I knew that my actions had serious consequences, not just for the injured person, but also for my employer and myself.
As a result of the lawsuit, I lost my job and had to find a new career. It was a difficult time, but I learned a valuable lesson about the importance of safety on a construction site. I made sure to never make the same mistake again and to always prioritize the well-being of those around me.
​
TLDR; I was fitting supply beams for my employer and I let go of the beam which fell on a mans head leading to my employer being sued.
bismuth92: Not your TIFU. Human error happens, and safety protocols need to exist to accommodate for that. For example, why was a civilian allowed to walk underneath a place where unsecured items were being lifted? That's not on you. Your employer is scapegoating you for not observing proper construction safety practices.
Gingr__: Thank you, that really helps me clear my conscience
Redbeardtheloadman: It really shouldn’t though. Walk off site. Safety stand down. Refuse to make the pick until everything is properly in place. It’s your employers fault yes, but it is also your fault, the GC’s fault and your riggers fault.
KS-23: Aren’t you a ray of light in the dark?
Redbeardtheloadman: I don’t really care what you think. The basic rule of operating machines is that if something is wrong with your machine, the work area or anything involving safety you don’t operate. Shifting blame to make someone one the internet feel better is worthless. He could’ve killed someone, he probably permanently effected someone’s life in a negative way, there is no changing that and he should feel bad.
KS-23: He already does and you’re just affirming it to feel less shit about yourself and your own shortcomings.
Redbeardtheloadman: No I’m pointing out that bismuth92 has no idea of the procedure around all of this. The OP posted years old story in a “TODAY i fucked up” sub looking for attention. I feel bad for the person that was impacted by this persons negligence
| 8 | 24.25 | |
1671463366 | 1671577297 | t3_zpuesg | t5_2to41 | 37 | MrBungleVI: TIFU by calling a woman the wrong name in bed
Obligatory it didn't happen today but about a week ago I (30M) called a woman the wrong name while having sex. So I've been talking to this woman for about a month and we've hooked up a few times but the other night we were drinking and starting having sex and she asks "what's my name?" and I called her by the wrong name lol.
Now for some context the name I called her starts with the same letter and also ends with the 'ee' sound so the few drinks kinda got me mixed up. Their names are extremely similar lol. The name I called her is actually my ex's name, and she also knows that's my ex's name because we broke up somewhat recently.
After I called her that she got upset immediately, rightfully so, and she got up and went to the bathroom. At this point I'm like there's no coming back from this, I might as well just give up cause she probably despises me. I apologized profusely and told her I felt terrible. Somehow she didn't leave after we talked and actually got back into bed and we had sex again.
We're still talking and have actually hung out again since then, and have had sex but I didn't call her the wrong name this time lol.
tl/dr: called a woman the wrong name while having sex
JustSomeUsername99: You almost had Rodeo sex!
evoblade: ok, I'll bite, what is that?
JustSomeUsername99: 1. Mount your woman, preferably doggy style.
2. Call out another woman's name.
3. Try to hang on for 8 seconds!
| 4 | 9.25 | |
1671464704 | 1671529545 | t3_zpuzll | t5_2to41 | 1,051 | AmIRightBoys: TIFU by taking a poo so big we have to get a new toilet
This has been a problem for a while, sometimes when I go to the bathroom the shit is so big I may as well have pushed out a cookie dough roll. I eat more fiber and yogurt but not much has changed. My apartment toilet seems to handle this well but I'm visiting family for the holidays. Before my shower I had one of these poops, but the toilet wasn't flushing properly. I decided I would fix it after my shower but I forgot. My sister went after I got out but she didn't say anything so I assumed it was back to normal. Nope. My mom went after dinner and tried to plunger it but no luck. My dad decided to fix it but nothing was working (he tried two different toilet snakes and the spring apparently looped back around) and he was getting more and more angry at the toilet. I wasn't about to say a damn thing about my poop but soon my dad decided to take the toilet out. He wanted a new toilet anyway that was taller so he joked it was a sign from God. My dad asks someone to open the back door which opens to a balcony porch. I opened it as I was closest to the door and as my dad was out the door, I was about to go back inside. Then I heard my dad say,"oh you're going to want to see this" and I looked to see he was holding the toilet on the edge of the balcony and pushed it off. I didn't see it but it sounded just like I'd imagine a porcelain toilet falling 15 feet would sound. My dad was laughing and felt so happy the toilet was gone. Meanwhile I'm standing there realizing my shit was so bad that we now had to get a new toilet and I think gave my dad a mental breakdown. We currently don't have a main toilet but have two others in the house(one upstairs, one downstairs). I pray I won't have another shit like that, I'm not getting a poop knife!
Edit: I am scheduled to meet with my doctor to work out my digestive problems, about a week away but because of some comments and looking into it I'm cutting out the extra fiber. Some people had suggested how my dad should have fixed the plumbing and the toilet wasn't to blame. I think my dad knew this but decided that since he's been wanting a taller toilet to use this as an excuse since he had to remove the toilet to properly fix the plumbing. He mostly chucked the toilet cause he was mad at it and had a one time scenerio where he could destroy it, he did cleaned it up. We know have a new toilet and the plumbing works fine.
TL;DR My digestive system fu ked up so bad my shit was too big to go down the pipes. Now we have to get a new toilet and caused my dad to break down trying to fix it.
mikeyHustle: Pretty sure eating more fiber makes your poop *bigger*.
chalegrebr: Shhhhh dont tell op that
AmIRightBoys: Oh now, I heard. And I ate more fiber cause my mom said that should help. I guess my mom wasn't right and have learned in the comments
x925: Drink a cup of apple juice every day, that's how I keep myself from getting backed up
The_Unreliable_94: Just don't drink a liter bottle of it at a time.. it's not a fun experience.
Zombebe: I swear I remember a story of a guy on reddit who posted that he did that and then was driving home a long way and then suddenly just shit himself everywhere and called his wife.
The_Unreliable_94: I think that guy drank way more than a litre haha. I remember that story and I think it was earlier this year that it was posted iirc.
BuzzedtheTower: Yeah, that guy downed *two litres* in the span of about ten minutes or something. Homeboy fucked up real bad. Especially since he blasted ass in a company car
| 9 | 116.777778 | |
1671466240 | 1671481884 | t3_zpvoct | t5_2to41 | 1,334 | [deleted]: Tifu by lying about my sexual history
[removed]
CaptainAwesome06: > And i start bragging about how good i am in bed
Quickest way for a girl to know you are terrible in bed. Hopefully she took it as a joke.
​
If it were me, I'd text her asking for a redo. Showing a confident "whatever, I don't care" attitude about the whole thing is the only way you can be redeemed. "Happens to the best of us."
Atomiclincoln: That ship sailed the moment he ran outta there, in my personal opinion its not even something to be embarrassed about, just fool around while you wait out the refractory period
CaptainAwesome06: > That ship sailed the moment he ran outta there
Yeah, you're probably right. At that point, maybe just apologize and say you got into your own head and ask if she'd be up for a redo. Maybe start with coffee first and go from there.
> wait out the refractory period
I don't know if she'd want me in her apartment until the next day.
Atomiclincoln: Yea a honest communication and coffee is a good idea, wait, if you came early you think that she wouldn't want to see you until the next day?
CaptainAwesome06: I'm just saying my refractory period is going to take longer than a few minutes. She won't want me there apologizing for 24 hours until I'm ready again.
Atomiclincoln: Yea idk what your age or health status is, but a refractory period in my experience is a 15-20 minute thing and typically easy to circumvent any "apologies" by just using your hands or eating her out.
CaptainAwesome06: I'm 40 but I've always had a long refractory period. But then I've generally been able to go a long time, which usually leads to not needing a short refractory period.
| 8 | 166.75 | |
1671476007 | 1671485092 | t3_zpvlhl | t5_2to41 | 2 | Diplodosam: what the fuck are you talking about
"having sex with a higher amount of people lessens your value" dude stop having sex with goats this is not how it works irl lmao
CrashworthCortexI: For a female mostly it does. Are you an exception that wants 300+ prostitute?
Burgo86: Go continue circle-jerking with some of the bros to some Tate podcasts my guy.
CrashworthCortexI: I'm not your guy. You lie. Why message me that?
HighLordAnnarius: People say my guy usually when you disgust them. My guy.
| 5 | 0.4 | |
1671471687 | 1671557401 | t3_zpy3y7 | t5_2to41 | 386 | Corvus_Manufaktura: TIFU by making my mom think I was unhappy with my "size"
So, I'm back home for the holidays and my mom loves movies almost as much as I do but she doesn't know how to use the internet (very important info) and all her favorite channels on TV started to broadcast dubbed versions of movies, which we both hate. So naturally, every time I go home, we have a mandatory movie night where I show her one of my favorites. I told her we were gonna watch "No Country for Old Men".
Well, just as I go to download the movie (I don't have Netflix, I just torrent) but it decided it needed a new update and for some reason it was going really slow. Now, I gave her my own laptop back when I bought a new one so that she could learn how to use a PC but she never got around to it, so I decide to download it to hers. I totally forgot that there's no AdBlock installed and just go straight to PirateBay to get the movie. She's in the room ironing some of her clothes.
Now, unbeknownst to me, PirateBay is doing some... weird ads in my country, mostly the "Hot Singles in Your Area" and "Use this Gel to Grow Your Cock by Five Centimeters". You can probably see where this is going. I didn't even pay attention to the ads, just started looking for the torrent with the most seeders when I hear "Honey, you know that's not how it works, right?" (also, she's a doctor). I look up and just say "Huh?"
She replies with "I'm sorry if you're unhappy with what you have but it doesn't work like this." I, still oblivious, say "Trust me, it'll work, it has 150 seeders, it'll take less than five minutes." She then goes on to tell me that basically "surgery is my only option but it's not really worth it." I look back at her over my shoulder, see how uncomfortably she's standing behind the ironing board, shrug and look back at the screen. That's when I notice the ad saying "This Gel Adds At Least Four Centimeters to Your Dick" with a very graphic animation showing a micropenis growing into a foot-long monstercock.
I almost died of cringe. It took like ten minutes of explaining how random internet ads work on torrent sites and she only started to believe me when I asked her "Mom, you remember when I called you about that rash down there worried that it was chlamydia? You honestly don't think I'd ask you before putting some bootleg "medical" gel on my penis? You used to wipe my ass when I was little, what do I have to gain from lying to you about this?"
About an hour later she burst out laughing when Anton killed that dude in the movie. I had to pause it to ask her what was going on and she said it just had hit her how horrified I must have been. I don't think I'll ever be able to watch No Country for Old Men without the image of mid-twenties me in front of my Mom's computer with my her behind me thinking I'm looking at graphic penis-enlargement ads on the internet.
TLDR; My Mom saw a penis-enlargement ad while I was torrenting a movie and she thought that was what I was looking up.
thurrrst0n: So your mom is unfamiliar with the internet?
Corvus_Manufaktura: Yes, very much so.
thurrrst0n: You should create a Reddit account for her, let her click around for a weeks, and she’ll come back to teach all of us stuff
Corvus_Manufaktura: She doesn't speak English and I doubt much of Reddit speaks Hungarian or Romanian
iamkindanormal: There is r/Hungary bro and I guess Romania also have an own subreddit
Corvus_Manufaktura: I'm aware of both. What little internet she does use, she does so reluctantly. It's just not her thing and I won't bother her with it.
Hell, working 12 hour nightshifts on an ambulance at 59, if she prefers reading cheap crime novels in her downtime, she's damn well earned it.
| 7 | 55.142857 | |
1671471290 | 1671503333 | t3_zpxxsd | t5_2to41 | 69 | Doc_Firefreak: TIFU by forgetting to move my sex toy when apartment maintenance came to investigate a leak
I was woken up this morning to the sound of a door knocking far away, thinking woah, why doesn't my neighbour open their door. Sleep brain soon gave way to wake brain and I realised I heard a key opening my door. I got up and quickly dressed saying I'll be a minute.
I asked what was happening, and my apartment maintenance guy said there's a leak downstairs they need to investigate. I spend 30 seconds tidying a bit, then let them in and they go straight for the bathroom. He kneels and opens the cabinet under the sink and I realize a second before he uncovers it, that I had left my fleshlight hidden under my hair-clippers case. He moves the case and a big pink silicone vag is there in his face.
He didn't react at all, I said a meek and chuckly sorry. There was a panel blocking the plumbing so he left to go check upstairs more, and said he'll be back if they need to. So far it's been 15 minutes and I hope I can move to a different apartment before he does comes back.
🙃
TLDR - Plumber opens cabinet under sink while searching for leak, finds pink silicone vagina instead.
ThePresidentsNipples: Maintenance guy here...we will have a chuckle at most, a sex toy is mild compared to what we encounter. I wouldn't worry about it.
cstmoore: 🤔 Please, go on…
ThePresidentsNipples: Senile old dudes fapping, bodies, shits the size of Pepsi cans and damn near as firm, hoarders, sink shitters, the goddamn smells some homes cultivate, neglected kids, dogs shitting on those little blue mats and never being cleaned up after, all the drugs, prostitution and mentally unstable transients.....
cstmoore: On second thought: please, don't go on. 😬😁
ThePresidentsNipples: *this concludes my ted talk*
| 6 | 11.5 | |
1671475153 | 1671647953 | t3_zpzox1 | t5_2to41 | 25 | DWPhoenix001: TIFU by making my sister cry
This happened yesterday and hopefully isn't as awful as the title makes it sound.
My wife and I spend Christmas at home with our son, so around a week or so before Christmas we have a family gathering of all the siblings/inlaws at my mother's house.
Yesterday was our annual Christmas gathering, there was myself (36M), my wife (34F), our son (10M), my sister (34F), BIL (37M), Sister (26F), her BF (M) and our mum.
Some background information, I am disabled and due to a number of health issues, while not necessary, I took the personal decision to quit alcohol all together around 18m ago. While I have never been a big drinker in the first place, I had some liver problems and felt cutting it out altogether wasn't going to hurt.
Further to this I have a very sarcastic sense of humor, more often than not at my own expense, and love to tease my sisters in an older brother fashion.
My oldest sister (34) is incredibly bright, she's studying to be a nurse (and possibly even a Dr one day), but she is also the most gullible woman you could ever meet. Say something with a straight enough face she would believe the moon is made of cheese.
This year she was cooking dinner and had prepared a dish which contained 2 bottles of red wine in it. Doesn't bother me, any alcohol would have long since burnt off and even if not, once in some cooking ain't going to kill me.
When my mum said what we were having and how much red wine was in it, I knew I couldn't pass up this opportunity to have a joke and figured I'd get one of 2 responses (either I'm so sorry can I do you something else or 2 fuck off, shut up and eat it). I was not expecting the response I got.
With the straightest face I looked at my sister and told her I couldn't have it because of the alcohol. Instantly she burst into tears as if I had just told her I was dying.
Boy did I feel so bad, if I had once thought that she would react so badly I never would have made the joke and spend a good 5 minutes trying to convince her I was fine, I was really looking forward to the dish and that any actual alcohol would have long since burnt off.
My mother loves to say its not Christmas until someone crys, and this not only did I manage to make my sister cry I also made my mum cry too.... but that is another story.
TL ; DR I made my sister cry because I pretended I couldn't eat her cooking for my own health
InterestedDawg: I'm Uk too and that is our humour. You were fine with that - even mild - comment. your sister just cares about you and maybe it touched a nerve as she wishes you didn't have these challenges. Anyway all good - please tell me she cheered up afterwards!
DWPhoenix001: She was fine after. Had a wonderful evening and meal was lovely.
InterestedDawg: Happy to hear that, I'd love to know the recipe though!? I do a spag-bol \[sorry Italians\], that has half a bottle of cheap red in it...
| 4 | 6.25 | |
1671474787 | 1671534485 | t3_zpzj6b | t5_2to41 | 58 | t8279402826: TIFU by listening to reddit and plugging up both my ears.
I'm going through a flu right now and one of the worst things about it is a symptom I've never experienced before - my ears randomly get "plugged", I feel an uncomfortable pressure and my hearing gets worse. The first time it happened, it was my right ear, I just took an ibuprofen and it went away after about 1 hour.
Now it happened again, with my left ear, so I had the stupid thought "why not look it up on reddit, maybe they have some tricks for that". I found a few posts and a common response was "close your nose and try blowing air", so I did just that.
Now both my ears are plugged, I feel like I'm wearing noise-cancelling headphones and my left ear hurts. I took an ibuprofen and I'm slowly recovering but I'm never gonna look up stuff like that on reddit again.
TLDR: I got a flu, my ears get plugged, found a stupid trick to fix it on reddit but ended up making it worse
GnomeMode: When you're showering, fill your ears with water and drain it out a few times. Some people produce more skin than usual and it wraps around inside there. If rinsing your ears out each shower with warm water isn't helping, get into an ENT specialist (ear, nose, & throat). You may need it physically cleaned out
SaurabhSSidhu: Very stupid big no no
Noidremained: why?
| 4 | 14.5 | |
1671477146 | 1671486052 | t3_zq0lgr | t5_2to41 | 199 | Revolutionary_Cut236: TIFU by accepting a cash in hand job and not seeing the multiple red flags screaming at me in the face
I'm such an idiot!
I accepted a job at a pizza place and the following stuff is a red flag I didn't see-
No signed contract
Cash in hand (friends warned me it's tax fraud)
They don't know where I live
No emergency contact
No records of a payroll
I'm not getting the national minimum per wage
It seemed to work well around my current job and I was happy. Until I started to do research on my national minimum wage and taxes. After speaking to some professionals and some friends I realised I would be committing tax fraud! That's at least 5 years in the can!
I will update on what happens next but if I get told I won't be put on a legal payroll to pay my taxes then I will be walking away from this. Its not a case of if you get caught but WHEN you get caught. And I'm not risking 5 years of my life for a job that doesn't pay well or legally.
TL;DR-I accepted a cash in hand job and it could cost me jail time. No thanks.
88mph_pfr: Hm, reading the title, I definitely thought the story would be different.
Revolutionary_Cut236: I've never done a cash in handed job before so this sort of thing is new to me
ItsHowWellYouMowFast: I hope you made good money for your cash hand jobs
Revolutionary_Cut236: It's my 1st one and there's an update.
ItsHowWellYouMowFast: Did it take a while or was it pretty quick?
Revolutionary_Cut236: It was pretty quick. Because I'm not "working a lot of hours" I "don't need to be on a payroll". Someone at my main job is working 8 hours (4 hours less then this side job) and they are on a payroll. It can't be legal what this place is doing.
ItsHowWellYouMowFast: 8 hours is a long time for a cash hand job. Did you take breaks at all or was it just 8 hours straight?
Revolutionary_Cut236: I wasn't clear enough. The person I mentioned works 8 hours at my main job. My side job was 4-10:45 with a 15 minute break which I took at random. The 2 days I worked totaled to13.5 hours. So I was Paid roughly for 2 out of those hours (which I will be giving back)
ItsHowWellYouMowFast: That's fair, although almost 7 hours is an awful long time to give hand jobs. On average how many would you say you gave per day?
Revolutionary_Cut236: Oh very funny -_-
eatassordiefast420: Homie was pushing this for a minute I hope you reread your replies lol
Revolutionary_Cut236: Yeah... I noticed... besides I don't do hand jobs when I have a mouth lol
eatassordiefast420: Epic response why hurt the shoulder huh?
Revolutionary_Cut236: Because I fell off my bike? Wait is this another funny q?
eatassordiefast420: Lmao no I'm saying why hurt your shoulder giving hand jobs when you can just use your mouth instead, like you implied
This thread has me cracking up
Revolutionary_Cut236: Oh now I get it lol
eatassordiefast420: Good luck! Make sure to get a good rate for any future hand jobs
| 18 | 11.055556 | |
1671479900 | 1671486538 | t3_zq1sxb | t5_2to41 | 19 | Revolutionary_Cut236: TIFU update on the cash in hand job.
So after texting the manager here is how it went-
Me-I need to know something, is everyone getting cash in hand at the store or are they on a payroll?
Them-No just for you. Why?
Me-when do I get put on the payroll? I need to pay taxes on what I earn or I'm in trouble.
Them-no. You're not going on payroll. Don't worry.
Me-why am I not going on payroll?
Them-because you are working few hours. If you don't like then just let me know. We have someone else.
Me-wow so I'm replaced already? I'm returning the 20 quid you gave me tomorrow. I'm out.
Even at my main job someone who works just 8 hours is on a payroll. At that place I worked 13 hours in total and got paid 20 quid! Now I don't know what my next move is with that place.
TL;DR-I get a cash in gand job and ask about getting put on a payroll for a proper wage. They give me lip in return so I walk away.
mr-ironsight: Sounds like you cashed in on a hand job
Revolutionary_Cut236: Feels that way... glad I've backed out before things went too far
Brandanpk: Sounds like a dodgy af buisness.
Could always report this whole thing to your relevant govt. Body. Could be doing some people there a favor
Revolutionary_Cut236: But if its me specifically then it won't get anywhere. There's nothing I can do I think.
Brandanpk: They paid you in a usually illegal way.
It won't really do anything for you, but very well could cause them to get audited from the tax man
Revolutionary_Cut236: I'm due at Department for Work and Pensions tomorrow. I can ask them for advice on the whole situation and see if they can be reported for it
AranoBredero: Ask the tax people how to pay your taxes on that income and give them all the info they want, they will handle the other party.
| 8 | 2.375 | |
1671484722 | 1671490919 | t3_zq3vam | t5_2to41 | 34 | [deleted]: TIFU by not knowing that deleting a dating app does not delete your profile…
[deleted]
TheBestMePlausible: Just tell her what you told us. If she doesn’t believe you, or accept it, then you’re dodging a bullet, because drunken 3am accusations are a red flag of their own, as is being this aggro about dating apps and exclusivity a few weeks in.
shrxwin: And if she's continued to see you for 5 dates she should understand what you told us as being completely in character
| 3 | 11.333333 | |
1671485654 | 1671570624 | t3_zq49jy | t5_2to41 | 25 | Ren_Soliloquy74: TIFU by saying something I shouldn’t have a little too loudly at work
So for context I (16f) work at a diner as a hostess and occasionally a cashier. This particular day I was cashiering and was checking this guy out on the register that we use for cash (we have one for cash and one for card) and he said to keep the change, which we give to the waitress as a sort of ‘tip’. Anyways so the extra money was 22cents…. That is obviously not a lot of money and tips are the only thing the waitresses here get paid. So after he walked away I said to my coworker, “look, (waitress) got 22 cents!” And I guess I said it a little too loudly because the people next in line heard and the lady explained that her father (the man before) left an actual tip on the table. I immediately regretted my words and apologized profusely and tried to explain that tips are the only money the waitresses get paid (not to mention this particular waitress seems to get taken advantage of because she’s on the younger side)
All in all I want to crawl in a hole and die because of what I said. Usually I’d try to brush something like this off, but it was the fact that I came off as a rude and stuck up teenager 🫣
TL;DR
I said something extremely rude after a customer left, not realizing his daughter had heard and she kindly let me know I was mistaken.
NoConclusion6010: Only paid in tips? What kind of third world country are you living in?
Ren_Soliloquy74: America lol they technically do get paid a check, but it’s for $0.00 because it all gets taken by taxes
Edit: now that I think about it it might’ve been something really low, like a dollar or two
whats-reddit17: That factually can't be true. And if it is you need to call someone
Ren_Soliloquy74: Dude idk what to tell you that’s just what the waitresses told me, she even showed me the check
whats-reddit17: I'm no expert. But 1. She should be getting paid minimum wage regardless of her tips (if I'm wrong please correct me)
2. Her taxes should not be 100% of her income.
Mlkbird14: In the US we have "servers wage" which is actually less than minimum wage because it's supplemented with tips. It's basically a way for us to pay people way below minimum wage.
HeywoodPeace: Thus making a tip not a tip. Good ol' USA logic
| 8 | 3.125 | |
1671488567 | 1671560548 | t3_zq5jdm | t5_2to41 | 51 | Schokokexi: TIFU by trying on tights
Basically the title. Happened today... I (25f) tried on some thights at a shop for socks, tights and leggings. That stuff there is more expensive and I wanted to make sure the tights (not see through) fit correctly and are comfortable. So I went to the changing room and tried them on. One pair with cotton (on sale for 15€) and one with merino wool (on sale for 23€). The cotton one wasn't comfy at all and to small. The other one was good size but wrong colour. So I went to grab the right colour and right there are two staff members.
I ask them if they can put the tights back together as I was struggling to put them in the container. Well all hell broke loose. Apparently you are not supposed to try on tights. I kid you not, I didn't know that. I thought that's the same like trying on a bra or a bikini. It's not underware, right? Hell was I wrong. The ladies made a scene on how I didn't know that and that you are not supposed to try that on because of hygiene. They made me buy one pair of tights. So I now own a pair of merino wool tights in the wrong color but at least the right size...
I guess I'm stupid because I lived 25 years without knowing that. Is that basic knowledge or was I being scammed? I'm just curious. I accept my faith and the embarrassment I have from this.
Sry if formating is bad. I'm on mobile.
TLDR: I didn't know you are not supposed to try on tights. The staff made me buy a pair because they couldn't take it back. I'm stupid and embarrassed I didn't know that.
RandoCalrissian11: Return them and get a refund. Same thing.
NoxKyoki: more than likely you can't return them either.
RandoCalrissian11: I’ve never seen a store you couldn’t return any clothes. They can’t resell them, but you can return them.
coffeebuzzbuzzz: Things have change a lot, but you used to not be able to return underwear or swimsuits.
| 5 | 10.2 | |
1671488581 | 1671491742 | t3_zq5jkp | t5_2to41 | 21 | [deleted]: TIFU by not knowing I was sending a voicemail to my Professor, while complaining about said Professor
[deleted]
Ratzink: If your wording is similar to what you posted here I think a sincere apology is required, but this isn't really terrible. Tell them you were frustrated and meant no disrespect. It sounds like they're at least willing to try and work with you. That's a plus.
chaoticinternetnerd: I’m planning to sincerely apologize indeed! I don’t know the exact wording I used but I’m pretty sure I said something along the lined of the subject being boring and the working groups not inspiring.
Ratzink: I was thinking hopefully you weren't vulgar or anything like that. It really isn't that terrible of a fu except the part where it ended up on her voice mail. If you were chilling with your friend only and said stuff like that it would be fine. Good luck.
chaoticinternetnerd: No, I wasn’t vulgar, just a bit rude by saying things like ‘’boring’ and ‘not inspiring’. But then again: she wasn’t meant to hear that.
Ratzink: That's what I thought. I think you'll be ok.
| 6 | 3.5 | |
1671492108 | 1671574842 | t3_zq70r7 | t5_2to41 | 197 | stadials: TIFU by giving my wife a haircut
So this morning my wife approached me with an idea to cut her hair because she wanted it shorter for Christmas. The frugal me saw this as a great opportunity to save money on a stylist. After all, I've already cut her hair before and it always went alright.
The thing is, while before I would always cut her hair in a straight line, this time she asked to do it in a sort of a "cascading" manner like her hairstylist had done so before. It wasn't supposed to be a big deal, I should cut approx 4 inches (10cm) from each strand.
Ten minutes later after seeing a photo I had just taken there was my wife screaming and running into the bathroom, shouting how I had no idea what 4 inches look like. I regretfully admit, not only was her hair much shorter, it was uneven on the sides and instead of gently coalescing, her hair resembled those basalt columns in Iceland.
I am now frantically searching for a hairstylist that would take her in and save her look, but everyone is fully booked before Christmas. My wife won't talk to me and refuses to leave the bathroom.
TLDR: I thought I could cut my wife's hair, but instead I messed up terribly and now her hair looks like a chessboard and she refuses to talk to me.
Edit: Thank you guys for your comments and interesting takes. I suppose it was still raw when I typed this in because later on my wife came out and had that "laughing - through - tears" expression on her face. We chatted about it for a while and agreed that we were both a bunch of dufuses. Her hair is pretty much a mess and it will take months to grow to her usual length. She decided not to have it "fixed" as she is afraid it would require even more cutting. Those of you who are interested in seeing the result, I can only show you the "progress" after 10 minutes of me butchering her mane as I wasn't allowed to take pictures once I finished. I will post it in the comments. Those of you who sent me messages saying I should let her "cut" my hair in return, I actually offered that to her, as I too have long hair but she was kind enough to refuse.
The person who sent me a message telling me I should "end" myself, thank you I guess?
BuGMoiDroit: > shouting how I had no idea what 4 inches look like
In some areas you can estimate 4 inches and overfulfil while giving cause for delight. Sadly this is not one of those areas.
stadials: I had a feeling someone would mention this particular part and I am not disappointed. When this is all over I will show her your comment, I reckon she will give it a giggle.
BuGMoiDroit: It made me giggle just to read how your wife had worded it!
| 4 | 49.25 | |
1671498969 | 1671573731 | t3_zq9vkz | t5_2to41 | 48 | Puzzled_You_5325: TIfu by giving my mailman a Christmas gift
So it’s the holidays and I have never done this before, but I know my dad gives the mailman a gift most if not every year. I never asked what he gives but this year I’m house sitting and I thought I’d keep the tradition going and give the mailman a card and some money. I thought I was being generous and I gave him some of my Christmas money because I thought, you know what, he deserves this. He comes to the house in the freezing cold and delivers my thousands of packages because I don’t know how to save money, only burn it, haha.
Anyway, I just checked and apparently carriers can’t accept cash or gifts over 20 dollars. I should have looked this up before and my guilt is so strong. Now I feel like I broke the law but honestly this older man does so much. Are we going to get in trouble?
TL;DR: I tipped the mail carrier actual money and now I’m scared I’m gonna get arrested because I don’t know how to google before I do stuff.
EDIT:
Thanks everyone for the replies! Sorry for the weird post. I have anxiety so I mostly needed reassurance that I didn’t do anything that wrong. You all helped a lot and I’m really grateful. Thank you again!
canibal_carkus: Ur fine nothing is going to happen if he keeps his mouth shut.
Puzzled_You_5325: I thought about adding “I won’t say anything if he doesn’t,” since I’m actually used to doing this myself (getting tipped while working at McD), but I think I’m too paranoid for my own good.
XxIMxFADEDxX: How does tipping at McDonald's work lol I always let them keep the change which is usually a couple dollars but I never understood if it was a shared thing or if it just goes straight to the corp
Puzzled_You_5325: I was the one they threw into the Drivethru and apparently people liked me there. The one time this lady tipped me 20 bucks and I never told anyone at work.
My McD was owned by a guy who has at least 3 other locations and the policy was that it only mattered depending on who was managing. Most of my Managers never cared but I don’t think a lot of them knew. I never shared but I probably made an extra 2 bucks a week if that.
I heard once someone tipped like 50 bucks and the manager working that night bought pizza.
XxIMxFADEDxX: Hmm that's kinda how I envisioned it... but the manager that bought pizza is an Allstars that's cool. Cheers an stay Faded :)
| 6 | 8 | |
1671501905 | 1671533127 | t3_zqb2di | t5_2to41 | 168 | h2f: TIFU by teaching a person who disagreed with my political views
I am a photographer who loves to teach. I teach photography and photo editing online and in person. I got a request for for lessons from somebody a few weeks ago. He wanted help learning to use Photoshop to edit political cartoons, ones that I vehemently disagreed with. I decided that I should not refuse service based on a difference in political beliefs. I gave him a few lessons and toward the end of the latest one he asked about my politics. I evaded the question. He clearly Googled me, found that my political beliefs differed from his and left me a one star review.
On one hand, with over 100 reviews, his one star review brings my average from 5 stars to 4.9, not much of a difference. On the other hand, it smarts because two of the three reviews that I have gotten that were less than five stars are for reasons that have nothing to do with my teaching.
TL;DR Gave lessons to a person whose politics didn't agree with mine. He gave me a one star review when he figured it out.
Iamjustpassingtime: If I could give that guy one star I would, you provided a service, your political view have zero to do with the service you provided, so if he is reviewing your political view he gets a one star from me
h2f: I completely agree. I also have a three star and a four star review.
The four star review was deserved. I didn't give a great lesson. It happens.
The student who gave me the three star rating said that my teaching was great but that he couldn't give me more than three stars because "Photoshop is too complicated" as if I have any control over that.
Psychpsyo: 1. Become competent programmer
2. Get hired by Adobe
3. Fix Photoshop
4. Return to teaching after 17 years
5. Demand that 5-Star review
h2f: LoL. Great plan except I had a career in software and haven't mastered step 1 and when I get to step 5 the 2 week window when a student is allowed to change a review will be closed.
| 5 | 33.6 | |
1671502533 | 1671678579 | t3_zqbber | t5_2to41 | 53 | Worldly_Ad_6243: TIFU by drinking Lemonade while sick with COVID.
So I have COVID. After 2 years of avoiding the bastard, it finally got me. Now I know how it probably feels to have that snail catch up with you.
Anyways, for some reason I have an insanely throbbing sore throat, this stings like I've swallowed a pack of razor blades, and because of the virus, I have to self-isolate from the rest of my household, which has left me bored and under stimulated, even with all my games.. So, I decided that to cure my boredom, I will entertain my mouth with flavours, so I brought up some Oreos, Custard creams, jam biscuits, and last but not least, a glass of Lemonade.
After chowing down on some of the biscuits, I decide to take a swig of the Lemonade. BIG. FUCKING. MISTAKE. This shit set my throat on fire like a mixtape meme from 2014, it HURT like hell. As a matter of fact it's been about an hour and the only reason it's not as excruciating anymore is because I've just been microdosing with icy water to calm it down. Now I don't know what to do with this glass of Lemonade that I still have, because I can't put it in the fridge otherwise it may contaminate the fridge, and I don't want to throw it out because that'd be a huge friggin waste.
​
TL;DR drank lemonade with sore throat, stung really badly
RudeSprinkles1240: Throw it out and be glad you can taste. I've never had covid, but my son described gagging on a glass of water, because it was cold and wet with absolutely no taste.
HeywoodPeace: This is all water
RudeSprinkles1240: Water has taste. Drinking water, anyway. Get yourself some distilled water and then tell me water meant to be drunk doesn't have taste.
HeywoodPeace: Perhaps, but not to me. What was described above is me: gagging on a glass of water because it's too plain. I just can't drink plain water.
| 5 | 10.6 | |
1671506376 | 1671548692 | t3_zqcsi2 | t5_2to41 | 15 | [deleted]: TIFU by hooking up with a white girl and getting genital herpes
[deleted]
No_Competition_2369: Did they test you for herpes when they tested for every std test??
boltzmannconst: No, herpes tests arent included as per CDC guidelines.
rossbcobb: How do you think we know people have herpes?
TwoKeezPlusMz: When a man loves a woman, and they get hot, they kick it up a notch.
Before penetration, they sometimes explore each other's bodies and notice things like bumps and pustules and nope the fuck out.
Other times, they don't and five in genitals first. This second group finds out several days later
rossbcobb: Ok you dumb shit. And when the people want to make sure it's herpes they get a test for herpes. They don't go, "Well they didn't test me for it so it has to be that." It's a more extensive test that you have to ask for outside of normal screening.
Source: Safe Sex Practicing adult who knows how STD test work.
Edit: You would also know this if you ever got tested.
TwoKeezPlusMz: I got the qtip up the urethra test.
Came back negative.
Very went without a condom again.
I was afraid of gonorrhea at the time
rossbcobb: Ok well then you haven't gotten one in awhile. Either way shut up
TwoKeezPlusMz: Ok.
Like right now, or later on?
I'm asking cuz I've got some other stuff on my mind
Also, later on is it ok if we talk again?
| 9 | 1.666667 | |
1671507401 | 1671519785 | t3_zqd6hz | t5_2to41 | 347 | vivamoselmomento: TIFU by hugging and kissing a girl
I’m Argentinian. Yesterday my country won the world cup. Lots of celebrations, obviously. At night I went to a small party with some friends. One my friends invited his new girlfriend and her friends. I didn’t know any of them. When the girls arrived I saw my friend start a conversation with one of them and I didn’t see him with any of the others, so I assumed that was his girlfriend.
The night developed and we got to play beer pong. We were having lots of fun and I got a little drunk, but nothing out of the ordinary. On my side of the table I was playing alongside two of the girls, none of which were the one I thought was my friend’s girlfriend. It felt to me like we all got confident with one another while playing. One of the girls stood right next to me shoulder to shoulder, and both of us were making jokes and snarky remarks to one another. I thought she was into me. At least that was what it felt like at the moment, I guess I must have gotten really confused. Meanwhile my friend, the one with the girlfriend, tried to get to play on our team. The girls and me didn’t let him play at first and made some jokes to annoy him, but in the end we let him play. He got in between me and the girl and I didn’t think too much about it.
The game went on until the opposing team had only one glass left. The girl I thought was into me scored the ball winning the game. This is the really stupid part. In celebration I hugged her and kissed her on the cheek. I had just met this girl, and as I’m writing this I can’t stop thinking how on earth could I have been so out of place. That’s not like me at all. It would be easy to blame the alcohol, but I wasn’t so drunk. All I can say is that I’m an idiot.
Luckily the girl didn’t take it badly. I guess she must have thought it was weird but didn’t say anything. At the time I just didn’t pay much attention to the whole thing and forgot about it. After that we chatted and played some other dumb party games. But nothing else of note happened.
I got back home kind of early. My best friend gave me a ride (he is not the friend with the girlfriend mind you). On the ride back he told me I should be more careful, and that the girl I kissed was MY FRIENDS GIRLFRIEND. Apparently he had told the guys he was mad with me for how I behaved. His anger is totally justified, of course. I immediately texted him and told him that I got confused and I didn’t know that she was his girlfriend. He texted back later and told me he wasn’t going to forgive me. Then he blocked me on every social media. Today I got word from my best friend that everyone is mad with me.
These guys were my only friends. I only chose to go to this party because I felt I was drifting away from them and I didn’t want that to happen. Instead, I made everyone mad by kissing my friends girlfriend. I fucked up by getting all of my friends angry with me. I don’t know how I’m going to recover from this one.
TL;DR: I made all of my friends mad by unknowingly hugging and kissing on the cheek one of my friend's girlfriends duirng a game of beer pong. I didn't know she was her girlfriend.
KingOfWeTheNorth: Make it up to the boyfriend by giving him a hug and kiss.
vivamoselmomento: I'm gonna get him a coffe or a beer to talk it over whenever I get the chance
Arthur_Leywin354: Make sure you kiss him though
Lord_Cockwood: Yes and use a little tongue so he knows you appreciate him more than her.
diaperrunner: [these guys know bros before hoes](https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=https%3A%2F%2Ftse2.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DOIP.b_gG0l9D8teZHIhEJ9bBeQHaFz%26pid%3DApi&f=1&ipt=1b4376ff6f249412c052bc9bdf125d66acd938d8a68b85c157878a62711f3be3&ipo=images)
| 6 | 57.833333 | |
1671511547 | 1671599160 | t3_zqeox7 | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by making a fake Tinder account and getting matched with my crush
[deleted]
Organic-Football4503: Don't come clean, delete the tinder profile then just do a friendly 'hey blank, how you been' into his DMs and see how it goes
just_joking_889: thank you for being the only person who actually gave me advice !
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1671509529 | 1671524891 | t3_zqdz0a | t5_2to41 | 10 | [deleted]: TIFU; I got too far from reality
TIFU; Throwaway for obvious reason. But against my better judgment I got to close with someone who would eventually tried to blackmail me. I met someone on a dating app who seemed chill. After talking for a little bit we started sending spicier and spicier pictures, and eventually shared semi-nude pictures and videos on Snapchat. Well, after awhile they sent me all the pics back and a demand for cash claiming they had all of my information. I reported the account, and obviously didn’t give them any money, but I still feel shitty. I don’t have a large social media presence so they shouldn’t be able to find my real identity. The scammer only got my first name, and the city, but I still feel like I let myself down because I know I’m smarter than that. Any advice?
TLDR; Sent semi nude photos to a stranger who turned out to be a scammer who tried to blackmail me.
nblracer880: A cautionary tale, a word to the wise
Of online romance and scams in disguise
A man met someone, all seemed well
But soon their messages took a turn to hell,
They sent pictures back and forth, all steamy and hot
But then a demand for cash, their plot
The man was smart and did not comply
But still he feels a sense of dread, a heavy sigh,
The scammer only knew his name and town
But still he feels like he let himself down
A lesson learned, a road not taken
Online romance can be a heartbreakin'
NungaFakeer: Doing the greatest good.
| 3 | 3.333333 | |
1671511650 | 1671516212 | t3_zqeqbf | t5_2to41 | 34 | gabonprincess00: TIFU by revealing my crush is a child of cousins to our coworkers
Obligatory not today but last week. My crush nor the people in this story really use reddit but lets hope it doesn't backfire. My company had their yearly Holiday dinner, where I might have gotten a little tipsy. My crush is this gorgeous girl who is from the Marketing Department who I see on a regular basis. Funny enough, I knew her brother in high school and we still keep in touch to this day. How do I know her parents are cousins? My friend/her brother suffers from a bunch of genetic issues and told me it's because the gene pool where he's from is really small and that his own parents are first cousins. I've never really brought it up after he mentioned it once, and obviously I never really think about it unless it's a passing thought.
On to the dinner, we were having fun and I don't know how or why but they brought up the genetic studies behind cousin marriages. Some of the coworkers were like that is disgusting, what not and the Gen Z members made Alabama jokes. Cousin marriages are not uncommon where I come from either so I told them that it's weird here but not in other countries and yadayada. Crush also said yeah she would hate to marry her cousin but it is what happens and you cant really fault anyone. One of my coworkers suddenly said like oh if it keeps going the kids are gonna have a third eye and look ugly. I don't know what compelled me to say it, maybe it was the drunkeness, maybe I got a little heated, but I go: "\[Crush\] doesn't have a third eye, she's the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen!!". One of my coworkers asked me why I'm declaring that she's pretty, and my crush just laughed it off and we moved on. I really hope they were tipsy enough and didn't catch on to what I said but my crush has been acting distant toward me and did not stop to say hi on Friday when she usually does.
I've been on holiday for the rest of the year so I'm not sure what will happen but I think I just shot down any chance I had. I told my friend this and he thought it was hilarious, but went "maybe next time don't do it".
TL;DR: Told my coworkers that my crush (also our coworker) is a child of first cousins. Don't think anyone caught it but she has been distant towards me.
I am dreading going back in office during the new year...
Imminent_Extinction: lol You're worried about "losing your chance" to date this girl? In a lot of areas these are legally-backed grounds for termination.
Scarboroughwarning: Of the job or the girl with genetic defects?
Might be a bit late for the latter
| 3 | 11.333333 | |
1671524284 | 1671525304 | t3_zqit2i | t5_2to41 | 18 | Ambitious-Repeat7072: TIFU Trying to help my ex
I’ve been with this girl for a short time and although it was short, I’ve gotten very attached. It’s been almost 3 months since she’s left me but I still care about her. She said she needs to focus on herself and I respected that and let her go while letting her know that I’ll always support and look out for her. Before we were together, she had mental health issues and was coping with dead of family, alcohol and sometimes drug abuse so I did my best to help her out and while we were together, she only had alcohol casually which isn’t the best but better than before. While she was suffering, her friends were shitty, letting her get black out drunk and do drugs which ultimately led to her being taken advantage of and dumped on the side of the road. She’s told me about this trauma wishing she didn’t go through that but since she’s broken up with me, she’s been going out with those same friends, drinking, smoking and doing drugs again. I felt concerned and offered her help but she wouldn’t let me help and continues to move backwards away from her goal. This deeply saddens me because I see so much potential in her as a person and just knowing about what she’s doing is hurting me. I’ve offered help about 20 times post break up because I care and miss her but she keeps doing the same shit with the same people who won’t help her reach her goal but rather take her away from it.
TL/DR: My ex is undergoing substance abuse and cutting off people who want the best for her. Saying it was my fault and blaming me for her actions overwhelming her.
oldpricklybastard: Leave her alone. If she wanted you she would be with you.
Ambitious-Repeat7072: I’m not asking her to be with me, I’m to stop her from going backwards further into her past habits
oldpricklybastard: It's not your place if she wants your help she'll come to you if she wanted anything to do with you she'll come to you. You cannot save those who don't wish to be saved she's not coming to you and asking you to help her then leave her alone. Sounds like she's got some addiction problems so don't be surprised when she's coming to you specifically for money and just using you for that. She definitely knows how you feel. She definitely knows you'll help her. Leave her alone.
| 4 | 4.5 | |
1671525467 | 1671576046 | t3_zqj5hk | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU by being an idiot and hurting my marriage deeply
[deleted]
evoblade: You might want to consider couples counseling.
No_Love_1353: And anxiety counseling.
| 3 | 1 | |
1671503509 | 1671557982 | t3_zqbpnn | t5_2to41 | 35 | NotYourKindofFluff: TIFU by drinking too much water to get free cherries
Okay this didn't happen today but years ago when I was 8. I am on mobile so forgive my formatting.
Every Saturday i'd go out to college football games with my parents. Since I was young and didn't have the option, of staying home, I reluctantly came a lot of the times. We would always stop by a bar and grill on campus before the game (that way we filled up and didn't need to buy stadium food). This bar and grill was the only thing I looked forward too on these trips to the football games.
I was always big on the food there, and a lot of it was spicy, so I always grabbed water with my spicy meals to cut out the heat. The waters never came with anything but a lemon on top for them and we're probably around 16 OZ . On one particular day I had finished a set of wings, and ended up with the biggest spice pains ever and in my desperation I finished up my entire water and my parents. The spice never left after three cups of water and I was suffering. The servers were all busy so my parents urged me for the final option, go to the bar and ask for a water. I oblige as I felt I was about to die from heat tongue. I go to the bar and ask for a water and a cute bartender gave me a water, but with an added cherry on top. I was ecstatic, and I almost forgot about the searing heat because a cute bartender gave me a water with a cherry. I NEVER even thought that waters can come with cherries before. I had fallen in love with her and the cherry in my water. Before long I had finished the water, not because I was dying from heat, but because I wanted to see the bartender again and get another cherry. She smiled and happily obliged with the cherry on my water. This was it, maybe if I kept on getting cherry waters she'd see me as a romantic individual.
I had kept going back for cherry waters time after time. The number of waters is hard to remember, but I remember after what felt like the 7th water I was starting to feel the sickness, but it was all worth it if I got to see the cute cherry girl. On my final water (though I didn't know it at the time) I asked for another one. I was a churning water and cherry filled balloon, ready to pop at the slightest ounce of pressure. She looked worried but gave me the water cherry anyways. as I hobbled back to my table with my water and cherry, I began to eat the cherry. Each bite adding more and more to a ticking time bomb. It felt like bombs were dropping, but I had to keep going, my crusade for the cherry water was fierce, and needed to keep going. I started to down the water as fast as I could, thinking it was just my state of mind. I downed the glass and I sat there, feeling worse than ever. Whenever I burped I felt water come up in my mouth, nausea worse than ever. I was there for probably 10 minutes in my chair, but it felt like eons. Before I could even react, I vomited a water filled bomb all over the table staining everything and the food that was halfway unfinished. My parents and also my grandparents who were there all gasped and looked at me in horror as I ruin the pre game meal with pure water vomit.
I was immediately taken back home, my parents upset and annoyed they had to miss the game because I would never stop grabbing cherry waters.
I still think about that day.
TLDR; Drank too much water and vomited in public all over a nice dinner.
Super-414: This feels like AI generated ha
NotYourKindofFluff: I typed this out after drinking at that bar and grille. I also don't know how to type very well, go figure
| 3 | 11.666667 | |
1671545310 | 1671546361 | t3_zqphd7 | t5_2to41 | 10 | [deleted]: Tifu by using my smartphone
[deleted]
PHOTO500: You did send a ham recipe.
uglybudder: Ha, you’re such a ham
| 3 | 3.333333 | |
1671540687 | 1671548653 | t3_zqnns9 | t5_2to41 | 16 | Ninnino07: TIFU by thinking my cat ate a hair tie
So, I got my second wisdom tooth removed yesterday and kind of look like a hamster currently and am in a decent amount of pain. This morning, the wound was also bleeding again after brushing my teeth, so I went into the medicine cabinet for some gauze to bite down on to stop the bleeding. I walked from the bathroom to the kitchen to throw away the wrapper and returned to my cat chewing on something. There was a tiny piece of plastic he was chewing, but I recalled that there was also a singular loose hair tie in the medicine cabinet. My first thought was therefore “what if he ate the hair tie”, so I went looking for the hair tie of course, I checked the cabinet thoroughly, like four times or so, no hair tie. Checked other places it could have been, twice. Still: no hair tie. So, off to the vet for an injection to make my cat vomit, to attempt to get the hair tie out, which did not work. An x-ray showed his stomach to still be quite full however, which could indicate some sort of obstruction (such as a hair tie!). So, off to a specialized vet, to check kitty’s stomach with a camera. I returned home, and was rather knackered by now (and in pain, as I had a wisdom tooth drilled out of my jaw the day before). When I got home I decided to check the cabinet one more time and lo and behold: there was the hair tie! Tried calling the vet to call off the expedition into kitty’s stomach, but no such luck, the vet was already finishing up and told me that my cat’s stomach was indeed empty. All of that for nothing!
TLDR: thought my cat had ingested a hair tie, induced vomiting at the vet, got x-rays taken and kitty’s stomach was checked with a camera by a specialized vet, only for me to come home and find the damn hair tie.
Setthegodofchaos: It's good that you were safe than sorry. I would've done the exact same thing.
Ninnino07: Thank you! I do agree, better safe than sorry, though I feel bad for Aslan having to go to two different vets for what turned out to be nothing. But obstructed bowels would definitely have been worse.
| 3 | 5.333333 | |
1671553508 | 1671586288 | t3_zqso55 | t5_2to41 | 413 | Throwway123452: TIFU by picking my girlfriends father up after losing my glasses.
Well, more like yesterday now that I've slept it off and have a clear head with which to recount the events...
My girlfriend had planned for me to meet her parents a few months back, and que yesterday, the day to meet them.
Just recently I lost my glasses outside and never found them and have been in the process of getting replacements, so everything about 1 ft away looks blurry.
I let my anxiety get the better of me and I spent a majority of that morning drinking more than I should have, to help take the edge off.
My anxiety only got worse when I realized I was probably going to make a bad impression if I kept drinking, but I did anyway.
Girlfriend picks me up, me being a high functioning drunk, and also still slightly self aware, she was none the wiser.
As we were on the way she mentions more family has come to visit and some brought her little toddler aged neices and nephews. This will become important later. We get there. She opens the door and walks me in and I see what I immediately assume, with my blurry vision, is one of her nephews, about 3 ft tall walking up to greet me.
Feeling nervous, out of nowhere a drunken extroversion struck me, and I picked the little rascal up, I smiled and said
"Now who'se this little guy here?"
Frantically my girlfriend whispered loudly "That's Daddy"
I thought it was an inside joke or just something the little tyke wanted to be called, played along and said "Aw you're like a little 'Baby Daddy' aren't ya? WEE!" Tossed them into the air about a foot and caught them. It was at that moment we made eye contact and they were close enough to me to not be fully blurry. Close enough for details to be made out, like crows feet, and grey hairs on the eyebrows and a 5 o' clock shadow. Why he never said anything, put up a fight, struggled, or even made a noise, I'll never know, but I'll never forget that face, the expression of disappointed anger, nor the hair on that face signifying this little nephew was not one of her little nephews.
Girlfriend was laughing and mostly took my side, and tried to explain me away to her family, bless her, but everyone else was horrified, and her father extremely offended, understandably so.
And then fast forward a bit to me profusely apologizing and explaining I lost my glasses and thought he was one of her nephews she said was brought over for the holiday visit.
Now at this point, I am glad I was hammered because the humiliation would have ended me otherwise. We're still trying to talk things through but getting on with her family may be permanantly damaged.
Tl:DR don't pick up dwarves, especially when drunk.
uhhuh111: So you're an alcoholic bro....
Throwway123452: Definitely not, I maybe drink once or twice a month or only on occasion.
estherstein: You drank enough that you tossed a complete stranger into the air while drunk. This would be a faux pas even had the person in question actually been a small child.
holdMyBeerBoy: >This would be a faux pas even had the person in question actually been a small child.
How is that so?
estherstein: It's not generally considered polite to go up to a toddler without introducing yourself and grab them and throw them in the air. 99.99% of children will not enjoy that experience.
holdMyBeerBoy: How can you be sure that 99.9% wont like? I mean, if you said more than half I could believe it, but 99.9%? You are oblivious
estherstein: Have you met a toddler? They don't tend to like strangers even before they're randomly thrown. Also, even had the kid enjoyed it, you ask parents before tossing their kids into the air.
holdMyBeerBoy: One thing is to say that he shouldnt do that without asking the parents first, the other is saying that 99.9% wouldnt like it, I have more than one and they both love that, and like them I already knew a lot that are crazy for that type of fun.
cockmanderkeen: Lots of kids love being tossed in the air for play fun.
Most of them do not like people they haven't met before just picking them up and throwing them with no warning.
holdMyBeerBoy: It really depends on the type of the child and the culture you live in. But most is better than 99.9%.
| 11 | 37.545455 | |
1671556586 | 1671604466 | t3_zqtxd6 | t5_2to41 | 12 | stupidguyheroin: TIFU by making a tiktok video about drugs ON drugs
Obligatory thar happened yesterday and I wanna dig a hole to hide because of the shame.
So I recently made a tiktok page for fun, I hated tiktok thinking it's just 14 year olds doing stupid dances, but when I saw rapid growth I decided to make that page an actual one and talk about any subject and my opinion not caring about the hate etc.
So I did a video on drugs because some suspected I was using. Part 1 was okay, but said in a couple hours I'll do a part 2. When I decided to record it, I had delusions of sobriety (thinking you're sober when you are actually fucked up). I record 2 videos and post them, I proceeded to pass out and when I woke up an hour ago. I saw them, just the first 5 seconds where I was clearly way too fucked up.
Not only that but it had more than 500 views, many comments where I only saw one before deleting saying "I didn't understood shit, mate" so I quickly delete them and I was in a state of "oh god. I publicly showed myself fucked up on heroin and did 2 videos on it that more than 1k people saw."
So here I am now, posted an apology video about those videos. But apparently people like unconventional stuff since I got 6 more followers.
Tl;dr Did 2 tiktok videos talking about drugs and my addiction to them thinking I was sober but in reality I was fucked up and making a fool of myself in more than 1k people.
penderhippy: heya
i used to be homeless & bang dope for a long time, finally got my shit together now
it's easier than ever to get off it if that's something that you'd be into, the methadone program is great, you can even do it with doctor prescribed morphine nowadays (i was on 1700mg of morphine every day, just recently got off it, took like almost 2 years to wean off it lol)
anyway you're not a bad person and i'm rooting for ya
if you ever want to vent or whatever hmu, i'm here for ya
stupidguyheroin: Thanks mate and congrats on getting off. 1700mg is a pretty high amount I'm impressed! I'm on and off with dope, everytime I "quit" even if it's for some months I'm not actually quitting, just stopping. Regardless, for now I settled on using occassionally to avoid dope sickness (even using every other day does the job but yeah still that counts as addiction). When I was dependent and now that I use just not everyday I'm a functional addict.
Recently I got in a huge fight with my aunt and we stopped taking (manly my fault but hopefully with time I'll fix our relationship again). The reason was because I use heroin. I'm self-taught on pharmacology the past 6 years, not an expert by any means but I'll take a 2 year class of assistant pharmacist on next september where they also pay you (23 euros a day), you have very little free time since it's 8am-2pm practice and afternoon you have 2-5 hours of classes.
Anyway I got off topic but pharmacology is literally my life, I study everyday, I find papers and researchers from universities and my aunt who read a questionable article in 5 mins on heroin that pretty much was saying it's bad blah blah tried to prove me wrong so the argument started with
"I study that shit and opioids for 6 years, multiple hours a day, everyday. you read an article without any sources in 5 minutes and you're suddenly a doctor? Of course they'll say heroin is the worst. Know why? Cause it's the media and media will say whatever you want to hear. If they told people the actual good and bad of H they wouldn't have profit."
I literally feel like I have no family because heroin isn't social acceptable but when you get morphine on a hospital it's okay. Fun fact, heroin (or it's full name diamorphine) is inactive, it metabolizes in the liver to morphine and some other substance I don't remember rn. The effects of both are the same except that heroin crosses faster the blood-brain-barrier hence it's more addictive.
Sorry for the long ass text lol
shoulda-known-better: I'm going on almost 10 years clean.... I have done these thingss to myself..... made a fool out of myself thinking I was fine..... I even made the news...... and yes your correct every opiate is the same and will turn anyone into an addict quicker the they realize..... what you need to try to do is focus on you and what you really want and try to take steps to get there, I used suboxone and there is no shame getting out of the addiction cycle!!! Try not to dwell on any shame or judgements from others it won't help, you have to want to do it differently!! Stay safe man! And please be careful! Naloxone is free at most pharmacies (and if it's not by you I'll send it !) Good luck, we do recover! (I say that still even though the AA/NA wasn't for me)
| 4 | 3 | |
1671559730 | 1671631306 | t3_zqv8cr | t5_2to41 | 878 | monta1: tifu by yelling at Netflix customer service
tifu by yelling at a Netflix customer service person
This tifu event happened yesterday....
As backstory, my family has been cord cutting and dropped our subscription to Netflix and kept only Hulu. We dropped the Netflix account about 6 months ago.
Fast forward to yesterday...
I was reviewing my credit card statement and noticed a charge to Starz and became quite confused because I had canceled my Netflix so they shouldn't be charging me for that added any longer. So being an informed consumer I called customer service. I asked the customer service rep how I could go about canceling my Starz added even though I no longer had an account with Netflix. And the very kind customer service rep told me politely that Netflix doesn't have add-ins to which I replied vehemently that "Yes you do!".
I became an irrational unhinged worst case customer at that moment because I was convinced that I was right.
It took three or four rounds of the very nice customer service rep trying to inform me that they seriously do not have add-ins with me insisting they did that it finally dawned on me - I had called Netflix. Hulu is where we have the Starz add in.
I wasn't ready to own up to my mistake so I sheepishly said "Thank You" and "Have a nice day" to the customer service rep and hung up without any further explanation.
So for all of those out there working customer service jobs I wish to apologize for my behavior as I know it doesn't make your day any easier to get nutters like me on the phone. You perform a valuable service and I appreciate you.
TL;DR i became an irrational nutter with the Netflix customer service because i forgot i ordered Starz through Hulu
hauptj2: You didn't fuck up, you just an asshole. You didn't even have the balls to apologize afterwards.
monta1: True. That was part of my fuck up. I was too embarrassed to do the right thing.
PheonixGalaxy: There’s still time OP
lesllamas: Is there? How could they reach out to the person they were talking to? A customer service line is bound to have multiple people in a call center monitoring it.
PheonixGalaxy: They could atleast try if they remember the workers name
lesllamas: Perhaps, but it’s unlikely that a call center would allow a caller to route directly to an individual (specifically to prevent disgruntled customers from harassing an individual though false pretenses).
iridescentrae: They could still call and ask to pass the apology on to the customer service rep. 🙏🏻
Paresthetic: Yup, calls are usually all recorded for Quality Assurance. They might be able to identify the call based on the caller's phone number and be able to then identify the rep that helped them, and pass the apology on that way.
Nybear21: No call center cares enough or is going to put that effort in
| 10 | 87.8 | |
1671561993 | 1671562960 | t3_zqw6fb | t5_2to41 | 35 | [deleted]: TIFU by thinking my grandfather would become part of the family again and come to our house for a meal tomorrow
[deleted]
Rainbaby77: Never ever ever lend money you don't need paid back or lend your energy you don't have enough of to people who you don't want to do it for. I promise you boundaries will improve your life so much and it's tricky at first but with time things get easier. You did amazing & I am so proud of your heart & soul going into an already chaotic situation. You can't control others nor can you control who they allow to hurt them, but you can control how you choose to react! Happy Holidays from Florida USA 💞🤗
Bran04don: Thank you. Very true.
I wanted it to work so bad. Because I always wondered who he really was and wanted to have a relationship with him before he dies. I knew very little about him beforehand. We thought maybe he had changed a bit and would be better. But that didn't last.
But that whole family have always been a nightmare to deal with.
So is my mum's side but definitely not as bad.
| 3 | 11.666667 | |
1671563141 | 1671589315 | t3_zqwo1r | t5_2to41 | 27 | [deleted]: Tifu by using a groupchat with my family
[deleted]
shadesofwolves: What is your deal. 4th time you've posted this *today* that I've seen. Let alone total.
Hentai_Yoshi: He’s an elder, give them a break man
shadesofwolves: You really believe they can work Reddit perfectly fine including links but can't grasp sending a picture in a group chat? They've been posting this over and over for weeks.
GeneralChillMen: Longer than that. This used to be about a professor accidentally sending the wrong link in an email to the class and asking what he should do. Link is always to a gif of some scantily clad Asian girls dancing
| 5 | 5.4 | |
1671562523 | 1671565255 | t3_zqwef3 | t5_2to41 | 81 | urmumisamilfhaha: TIFU by meeting with an old friend - UPDATE
Hey guys!
Thankyou so much for all the advice you've given me it really means a lot! At the moment ive come down with strep a ( not surprisingly she was at the gp surgery when i was there for treatment ) so i won't be out for a little while so the girl should hopefully not come anywhere near me.
I'm going to keep the airtag on me for at least another 2 weeks so that when I become better i'm going to start videoing her whenever she's near me which means i'll have physical evidence to report to the police! I'm also going to keep a diary of events as well in case my phone breaks.
As for people saying she's breaking a law, i'm pretty sure that she hasn't broken any specific law in the uk, but i'm going to do some more research to find out!
TL:DR - going to keep the airtag to get video evidence
monstblitz: A link to your original post would have been helpful...
urmumisamilfhaha: do i just copy the link onto the end of my
post?
monstblitz: I think you can do that, but it is easy enough to find with a little digging. After reading original post, I’m not sure keeping the AirTag is a good idea if she’s that obsessed with you. Could be dangerous!
| 4 | 20.25 | |
1671565842 | 1671593854 | t3_zqxsll | t5_2to41 | 16 | olliegw: TIFU by letting my brother "fix" my computer mouse
This just happened an hour ago, and i'll have to deal with the consequences until a new mouse comes, my brother spilt water on my desk, it was his fault so he cleaned it up, my keyboard was fine, but my mouse was sometimes not registering a left click, which was as annoying as you can imagine, but my brother offered to fix it as well, he said there was probably just some water in it and that a quick blast from his 2000w heat gun would do the trick, now let me tell you that heat gun is insane, it will literally set fire to paper if left for about 30 seconds, i trusted him to put it on a low setting and not use it for too long though, boy was i wrong.
I gave him the mouse and he was heating it up, all fine at first but then i realized he was doing it for a bit too long, but what i didn't realize is that he was using the highest setting, the one that combusts paper in 30 seconds, i told him to try not to melt it again, but i was too late.
Not only did it just melt some of the top cover, it seems the insides all melded together too so none of the buttons were working and the scroll wheel was jammed, only a combination of sheer brute force and snapping of melted deformed plastic made the mouse kind of usable, it's now got the stiffest buttons i've ever felt on a mouse.
Well at least it clicks every time now!
My brother immediately bought a replacement when he realized that was my only mouse, the only other one i've got is in use.
TL;DR: Brother spills water on my computer mouse, says his heat gun will dry it out quick, i trusted him to use a low setting, he didn't and now my only mouse is melted and almost impossible to use
Majestic-Scale-1868: Lol this is probably the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
By the way what sort of mouse do you have that would warrant a fix? 😂
aussie_nub: Not even sure why you'd both. For every problem you find with it, there's probably 3 others and they're so cheap and easy to replace and 100% guaranteed to never be the same again. Just get a new one.
| 3 | 5.333333 | |
1671566374 | 1671571982 | t3_zqy0cq | t5_2to41 | 145 | wrtachkmyasscldntcsh: TIFU by confusing which girl left which underwear at my place, no longer have a shot with a girl I thought I could marry
[removed]
PhelesDragon: I think most people (and I stress "think" and "most") believe when you're having relations with them, you're not having relations with anyone else. I don't think there needs to be any unwritten rules about not having multiple partners, but I do think that the average person assumes one.
You have an atypical view of how to engage, and you need to factor in other people's feelings into that.
CodsWhallop: That's a bold assumption. And it is an assumption.
If monogamy is important, talk to your partner about it. If it's not something you're willing to commit to, talk to your partner about it.
Just communicate. Be clear, direct, and refrain from judgement. It's the most reliable way to keep from hurting people.
PhelesDragon: I'm not judging, what I am saying is that, I believe, most people imagine one partner at a time. OP should keep that in mind when fooling around with multiple people.
Even if I'm wrong, I would still think roughly half the people think that way, and that's a large number to disregard.
CodsWhallop: Let's assume it's half and half. You just started dating someone. How do you find out whether monogamy is important to them or not?
PhelesDragon: I think it's fair to assume that it is, because the alternative is to inadvertently create a problem scenario. Not that the burden should be on one side or the other, but logically the more flexible side is more likely to be accommodating.
At the end of the day, if you can't discuss these things with the person you're being intimate with, then it's probably a good idea to not be intimate with them. That's my take, maybe it's old school, but I think going that far is a big deal. Always have.
CodsWhallop: >I think it's fair to assume that it is
Think again.
The correct answer is "ask them, like a grown-up."
PhelesDragon: >At the end of the day, if you can't discuss these things with the person you're being intimate with, then it's probably a good idea to not be intimate with them.
hey, look at that, I already made that statement.
CodsWhallop: Not the same thing at all. You never said anything about asking, specifically asking before you get intimate.
You said you "should be able to."
You're still making an assumption and excusing that assumption as the fault of the other party.
| 9 | 16.111111 | |
1671570133 | 1671571042 | t3_zqzkw4 | t5_2to41 | 9 | [deleted]: TIFU by missing my first day at work and I wanna die
[deleted]
qshak86: You might want to start looking for other employment just in case.
didiri1337: I'm hoping I won't have to, since they gave me a second chance. I don't know 😞
| 3 | 3 | |
1671567534 | 1671580138 | t3_zqyi04 | t5_2to41 | 202 | mglitcher: TIFU by unknowingly being involved in the abuse of children
obligatory didn't happen today, but many years ago
​
okay before i start this post, i have to say that i didn't know that any of this was going on until many years after it happened. had i known what was going on, i would have never been a help to the people who i was helping.
​
when i was in high school, i was a really religious kid (partially because of this event, i am no longer religious). i went to this church, which i always thought of as a little bit of a cult, but i don't think that it would really qualify as a cult, that's just how i felt after leaving the church.
​
anyway, this church did regular mission trips down to the dominican republic at this boarding school called "carribbean mountain academy." its parent company is something called crosswinds. my church advertised that any high school student in the church could go and do service on this mission trip and help advance the word of god or whatever. i signed up two years in a row and did some work in the poorest areas of the dominican republic. this part i did not regret. we helped build a school for the community, which was definitely worth it. we also did a lot of work at this school, which i will probably regret for the rest of my life. the school had a bunch of students who were around the same age as me and were all "struggling with their faith." talking to these students, which weirdly enough i could not do unsupervised, was extremely strange. a lot of them seemed to be seriously disturbed. we did work there such as helping them clean and build a park and the like. at the time, i was seriously satisfied with the trip.
​
many years later, me and my then girlfriend (who had also gone to this same place on a trip) were curious about the facility and looked up the name. the first thing that we saw was an article called [suffer the little children: mike pence's disturbing connections to the teen treatment industry](https://medium.com/@DJSugi/suffer-the-little-children-mike-pences-disturbing-connections-to-the-teen-treatment-industry-f6e6e917f8cf). the article talks about how this school would make students exercise until they threw up and that they would beat students senselessly with a leather strap for minor infractions. when i first read this, i was horrified. looking up other articles, there were stories about students being abbused and being completely cut off from their family and the outside world. one story that i had remembered to this day was of a student who was told to "hold my arms out balancing books until I cried from pain" ([source](https://www.newsweek.com/where-american-teens-abused-name-god-258182)). searching the term "carribian mountain academy" on google results in the predictive search giving the term "horror stories" as the top search. the school also did the things you typically hear of these institutions, such as gay conversion therapy and the like.
The organization and parent company have changed names several times to avoid the association with these abuses, but it is known to have still occurred when i made my trip in 2016 and 2017. This can still all be read about in articles and documentaries such as [kidnapped for christ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kidnapped_for_Christ). anyway, while it hasn't defined my life, it is definitely something that i am shameful to have participated in, even if i had not known what was going on.
​
tldr: i volunteered at one of those "troubled teen treatment schools" unknowingly.
GraceH154: I'd argue that you absolutely did not FU in this scenario. It was completely the fault of the church and the adults encouraging you to go on these trips.
mglitcher: thank you for saying this. i don’t think i am fully to blame, but i still feel guilty for my ignorance
Justwannabeokay21: You definitely should have done your research before supporting them, cause honestly to those kids the fact that you didn't know didn't help that you aided in their abuse. But also like, mission trips in general are just gross and really savior-complexy.
mglitcher: yep in hindsight i definitely should have done more research. on your point ab the savior complex, i realize this now, but like i mentioned in my post, the group was very culty and i was just kinda told “this is what god wants you to do.” i was also a high schooler so… i don’t think it excuses my ignorance, but i don’t believe that i should shoulder 100% of the blame either.
Justwannabeokay21: Oh no you don't shoulder 100% of the blame at all, i was a Christian teen once too, i understand how this shit is engrained in you.
| 6 | 33.666667 | |
1671579434 | 1671740234 | t3_zr3goq | t5_2to41 | 42 | WIG7: TIFU by accidentally sending my boss a GIF of me flipping the bird
Hey everyone,
I'm not sure how to even begin this post, but I think I might have just made the biggest TIFU of my career. I was having a really frustrating day at work and was venting to a friend about it over text. They sent me back a GIF of someone flipping the bird as a way to tell me to "stick it to the man."
I wasn't paying close enough attention and ended up accidentally sending the GIF to my boss instead of my friend. To make matters worse, I had just finished complaining about how overworked and underpaid I feel at the company.
Needless to say, my boss was not pleased and I ended up getting called into a meeting with HR. I tried to explain the situation and thankfully they saw the humor in it, but I'm still not sure if I'll keep my job.
Has anyone else ever made a mistake like this and managed to recover? I could really use some advice right now.
Thanks for reading and please don't judge me too harshly!
TL;DR I willed my dreams of not having my job into existence by not paying attention and sending my boss the finger.
Arkoudaki87: Is this the story I’ve seen in Charlotte Dobre videos where a guy sends a gif with flipping the bird and ‘f*ck this place’ as the caption to his boss by ‘accident’???
Icy_Pickle3021: I don't remember that story from her vids. Either I missed it or zoned out (I do that a lot but usually go back to watch again)
Arkoudaki87: It’s definitely there. I never miss a video. I also need a life lol
Icy_Pickle3021: Lol you and me both. We've got a blizzard starting right now so not going anywhere. I'm listening to reddit stories on YouTube while playing yoshis island 😂
Arkoudaki87: I have raven reads on YouTube whilst playing Skyrim. We have excellent taste in activities
Icy_Pickle3021: I haven't heard of raven reads. My go to's for reddit stories are mark narrations, dark fluff, mainly facts, reddit brew, and sometimes markee. I watch Charlotte daily but for some reason I stopped getting notifications when she uploads. Still subscribed with notifications set to "all" but haven't gotten any for the last few weeks so I have to search for her everyday. I love her...my husband, however, thinks she's annoying 😬🙄😂
Arkoudaki87: Mortis media, raven reads and being scared for me. Oh and darkness prevails! I sleep to the horror stories. Bliss.
So, I do believe you need to replace your husband /s
Icy_Pickle3021: Lol funny thing is she and I are a lot alike. I told him he must not love me and thinks I'm annoying, too, then. He started laughing and told me we've been together for over a decade so he obviously loves me
Arkoudaki87: The petty potato in me would be like ‘…you may love me… but do you think I’m annoying’ lol
Icy_Pickle3021: I really want one of her Petty hoodies!! But I feel guilty spending money on myself or anyone else spending money on me. Maybe one day. I am a pretty petty person when I want to be though lol. But we all may be
| 11 | 3.818182 | |
1671584497 | 1671672496 | t3_zr5slr | t5_2to41 | 35 | No-Employment4307: TIFU by doing the deed again
​
(19M) I'm just gonna start from the beginning. This all started last year, December 18th, my girlfriend came over and like any guy my age should, we got all touchy and what not, but nothing happened. we stop and resume our normal activities, when boom, I get this slight pain on my crotch, I've had a few UTI's in my life and idk it felt different. Idk what it could be so I assumed blue balls! I chugged water for an hour or two and flushed myself out, and felt back to normal. a few months goes by, its march, Middle of the night, I decide to masturbate, all goes well, I sit there for 5 minutes just on my phone, haven't gone pee or anything yet, and boom, I feel this itch in my urethra which turned into this stinging and the urge to pee, I was like what the heck?? I go pee it feels a little better, then creeps back up. it lasted for about an hour and then I was normal again, and I forgot about it, like it never happened. And this continued for about once a month till the summer. I just figured I was irritating myself, cause I was averaging once to twice a day masturbation at that point. so I just figured okay ill just lay off it a bit, stay hydrated and just take care of myself. May hits, and around the 1 month mark since the last incident, BOOM again whilst in the shower, Idk if its caused I used lotion but this was was WAY worse, felt like I had acid in my pipes almost. I let one out, got in the shower and 5 minutes later it just creeped up on me and sent me to the moon, another few minutes go by of me just tryna pee it out, and boom now I feel it in my ass, so I'm like wtf, It wasn't like this last time? but like always after usually 30 minutes and chugging water, it passes. And I forget. summer comes around, Me and my Girlfriend decide to live together for the summer cause we're bored and got nothing to do. first day she comes, I had a boner all day, and was just ready to pounce. Night comes, she goes to sleep but I'm still awake, just on my phone. Then I get the same tingle in my pipes, just not with the ass hurt. and I'm just like shit. I go pee, still there. I try to wait it out again, it Lessens but doesn't go away. I try to sleep but I feel it creeping in the shadows. I wake up go pee, still feel the burn. so I'm like shit UTI? Idek at this point, I get treated for UTI, I take antibiotics for 10 days or something. and we're all good nothing happens for awhile. then a couple days ago, had to take a massive pee and then got really horny and let one out using lotion, then hopped in the shower. and boom it hit again, and I felt it right in the ass again. but it went away this time luckily. I chugged water and just relaxed for a day and feel normal now. Idk what is causing this, My prostate? but why does it specifically happen more when I bust on the side or use lotion, or pee before busting? I don't even know could it be a UTI? can they even lay low for this long without many symptoms? I feel completely normal except for the off occasion of me busting and hurting after. And why when my girlfriend comes over and we get touchy does it happen? idk like my pipes are busted, I want to see a doctor its just, embarassing.
​
TL;DR jerked off now my urethra and prostate sting accompanied by needing to pee
AdmlBaconStraps: Speaking as a nurse:
We've seen it all dude. Hell, I essentially fist old people for a living. It might be embarrassing for you, but we'll have forgotten about it by the time the next patient walks in. The risk to your entire genitourinary tract isn't worth a bit of embarrassment.
Go get it checked
thegloracle: And now I must go bleach my eyes.
Plenty-Pizza9634: r/eyebleach
Here you go!
thegloracle: LOL!! doh! why didn't I think of that.
Plenty-Pizza9634: No problem ❤
| 6 | 5.833333 | |
1671585672 | 1671625921 | t3_zr69hm | t5_2to41 | 332 | [deleted]: TIFU by ordering a vibrator to my rental home and my landlord opened the package
[deleted]
Mission_Albatross916: Why the heck would they open a package not addressed to them??? So rude! I think you did a good job with your cover story. The important part is to totally believe they believed and act like they believe. If they mention it again, that’s really inappropriate and just ignore them.
Rock on!
Muzzy637: Illegal, really
unsupported: It is only illegal if it's opened and addressed to someone else. It is immoral, because they were told op is expecting a package and opened it anyway.
Muzzy637: I’m sure it was addressed to OP, not the landlord.
unsupported: > EDIT: the package didn't have my name on it, just the address.
Muzzy637: Lol then I have no idea why the landlord WOULDNT open it
unsupported: Did you not read the story at all?
> I asked my landlord if they could check the mailbox for a package was expecting.
maxs507: I don’t see how landlord was in the wrong - They saw a package addressed for OP (the gift from mom) and then another package with the address but no name. It makes complete sense that they’d open that if they own/manage the condo.
The OP didn’t really fuck up either. Anyone has the right to order kinky shit in the mail to their home. The company fucked up by leaving the name off.
Next time, perhaps OP could order something like that to the post office for personal pickup.
| 9 | 36.888889 | |
1671587276 | 1671587642 | t3_zr6upe | t5_2to41 | 35 | intangible_banana: tifu - smoked too much of a joint in pubic, could have died.
I (18m) am relatively new to smoking weed. I had smoked a few before, but not one to myself. I bought a joint along when i went down the pub with my friends, only because one friend had made me promise to share it with her. Turns out she was driving, and i had about 75% of the pure weed joint walking between pubs.
i saved the unsmoked end and start feeling it as i approach the pubs. None of my friends were willing or able to share it, so weren’t as aware of my state. I was higher than than a kite in a tornado, and remember barely anything from then on.
I was sat with my friend, who seemed appropriately disappointed. i asked for water, and had some.
Now, i had a glass bottle in my right jean pocket (bad). At some point, i get up to go to the toilet as the room is spinning, i’m motion sick and about to puke. however, i take no more than 5 steps before i totally pass out. i landed on my ear and on my thigh - crushing the glass Smirnoff bottle.
I was out cold as i hit the ground, the last thing i remember was thinking was i had been punched in the ear.
i awoke as my friends carried me outside, hearing and seeing snippets of my surroundings.
I come to, sat on the floor outside. I’m in shock, feel awful and my ear is bleeding. my leg hurts, the bottle is smashed into my thigh. £6 down the drain, it was unopened. My friend’s boyfriend removed the glass, but i was soaked in vodka. when i got home , i found it had cut me bad. i was lucky i didn’t slice a major artery and bleed out. or get a serious concussion and not wake up. i could have died.
The evening ended after that, and i began to recover. i got a train home, bought some sweets and chocolate and walked it off.
now i’m just tired drunk. but omg my legs and ear hurt. i am bruised badly, and beyond embarrassed for both myself and my friends, who i let down today.
TL;DR -
if your going to smoke in public or smoke a lot, be experienced! don’t
ubersmitty: You drank and smoked together? Yeah, that'll give you the spins. Don't mix them, especially if not experienced. I'd blame the alcohol before the weed. I've never fallen from being too high and I get Joey Diaz high.
tirnanog22: Never mix alcohol and weed , I learned that a long time ago ..
| 3 | 11.666667 | |
1671586402 | 1671715530 | t3_zr6j2o | t5_2to41 | 24 | HonorableHam: TIFU by not wearing a cup
This was several years ago, but I was recently reminded of it. If the title didn't give it away, this is a medically gruesome story about piss. I am not a smart man, and it gets a little bad. You have been warned. Let this also be a PSA to everyone with a penis.
I played a lot of sports as a kid, mostly football. Having repeatedly bought incorrectly sized cups, I'd come to the conclusion they did more harm than good. They might have. However, the incorrect solution, and the one I settled on, was to go without.
I stopped playing halfway through highschool. I had moved on to technical theater. I had no other injuries, and wasn't even aware of this one.The only sign something may be wrong was the occasional pain and weak streams peeing.
Slowly, it got worse. The weakness continued to the point it became physically difficult to get any urine out. The pain became an almost unbearable burning. I should have gone to a doctor then. It was so infrequent, I would forget until it happened again several months later. Inevitably, it would return. Not always both, not always worse, but always back.
By my senior year, there was a new symptom. It would be just as infrequent and disjointed as the others, but a few drops of blood would come with the last of my pee. Barely enough to notice. I should have gone to a doctor then, but I am not a smart man. It got worse.
Just before the end, it was common that I would have pain and enough blood to turn the water a deep orange when I went. It was an awful existence. I dreaded the bathroom, yet still I did nothing about it. Until my body refused to be ignored any longer.
One day, I woke up with a very full bladder. I rushed to the bathroom, hoping I had to pee bad enough that there would be little issue. This was not the case. I stood and sat and jiggled for half an hour, to no avail. My bladder felt on the verge of exploding. I was helpless, by my own inaction.
Being still mostly a child, I ran to my mom for help with this urgent matter. She being a much more reasonable person than I, she immediately took me to the emergency room. There I waited over a urinal, my panic growing. At last, bittersweet relief! A gush of pain, blood, and urine came after nearly an hour of desperate panic. Shortly after, the doctor saw me, and referred me to a urologist.
The urologist gay me two options. A noninvasive surgery, akin to rootering my urethra, with a 50% chance of success; or a full on removal of all the scar tissue, with a 95% chance of success. I opted for the proper surgery, and was very glad I did afterwards.
They had to fold my unconscious body like that if a contortionist to gain access to my taint, the location of the scarring. From there, they cut through to my urethra, where they're planned to remove the damaged section. They thought it would be a small section that had sealed itself shut with scar tissue, roughly ~4-6mm. If it were, they could just rejoin the two sides, otherwise, they would use other tissue to replace it. They were very wrong.
I woke up to a massive scar on the inside of my cheek, and my urologist telling me that they had to remove 6**CM** of MY DICK HOLE! I hope you can empathize with my mild panic at that discovery. It did all turn out fine, my urologist did a great job. However, my only saving grace at that moment was the significant amount of painkillers I was on.
TLDR: Wear proper protection, and go to a doctor when something seems wrong with your dick. I didn't, and ended up having 6cm of urethra seal completely shut one day.
No_Love_1353: I’ll be honest with you. You lucked out that this happened when you were still so young. My father had similar issues, involving urethral trauma. Sadly he had waited until his mid-late twenties. And at this point in time, the removal of urethral tissue and replacing it with foreign material wasn’t a thing yet.
Instead he went to monthly roto-rooters and occasionally a catheter. This went on until the doctors preceded to insert what can only be considered the world’s most expensive Chinese finger trap into his urethra to support the damaged section. It was made of ceramics, titanium, and unobtanium…
HonorableHam: That sounds awful. Thank god for medical advances. The cheek scar hurt far worse than anything else, but I still prefer it to the idea of that
No_Love_1353: Yeah, iirc, even with the stint he had to occasionally go in to get catheterized.
| 4 | 6 | |
1671594340 | 1671597345 | t3_zr9d48 | t5_2to41 | -2 | kolsk1: TIFU (allegedly, but also really) by weirdly asking someone's name
So, I (21M) get on a bus at around 4 PM and see this really attractive girl sitting alone. The bus is fairly empty, but I decide to ask her if I can sit by her side. She's fine with it. I don't really know what I'm doing, never approached someone like this before, but I figure it might be something to try. So I sit, and I wait. I'm not sure what to say; actually, I'm not even sure if I should say anything. Sometimes the best you can do to someone is to not interact with them. After a few minutes of pondering, I reach the brilliant conclusion that I should just ask her name, and introduce myself (in this order, as well). So I hesitantly say "Hey, what's your name, if you don't mind me asking?" And she turns to me, surprised, and answers "Barbara" with a face expression that I can only describe as puzzled and slightly mocking. I replied with "I'm Matthew", but because of her reaction, I decide to not say anything else, which in hindsight was way worse and makes me look so much creepier. I was put off by her negative response, and got too in my head to follow up with anything. I've since told this to a couple of my friends and most of them said that they too think it's very weird to ask for someone's name in the start of a conversation. So this was a certified fumble moment for me, which is a bummer cause I think in different conditions It could've have been a perfectly adequate exchange.
TL;DR - I fucked up by asking for a stranger's name in the bus to start the convo.
Disastrous_Potato605: Next time, “hi I’m OP, nice to meet you. And you are? That’s a beautiful name, don’t hear it too often anymore. Does anyone ever call you Barbie? Oh well you’re a lot prettier than any of those dolls, if you don’t mind my saying so *shy smile/smirk*”
mooseblood07: OP, please do not take this advice.
Disastrous_Potato605: Why?
mooseblood07: It's uncomfortable. When we get approached by random men for no reason who start asking information about us out of nowhere (yes, even just asking for our name), with no conversation prior, it's unsettling and will just put us off because we worry we're in danger. I've had stuff like this happen to me in public and my mind immediately goes to "am I safe? What are their intentions? How can I get out of this situation?"
| 5 | -0.4 | |
1671598628 | 1671599182 | t3_zrasv9 | t5_2to41 | 55 | takatori: TIFU by not knowing IT brand names and getting locked out of work for an hour
Sitting at my desk when I get a bit peckish at lunchtime, I lock my PC and head down to the shop for a tea and sammie.
Get back, sit down, log in, start browsing news while munching my ham & cheese.
Maybe a minute into it, I get an alert on my corporate mobile:
“Login detected at the Palo Alto Access Point. Was this you? 【Yes | No】”
I was surprised, because although I’ve worked in Palo Alto while I was in the US, this was years ago.
So of course, I answer “No,” and go back to browsing news and lunch.
Only, the next news story I click on doesn’t load. Nor the next one, or the next one. Google won’t even load. So I assume there’s a network outage, and figure I may as well get some work done.
But, nothing is working: I can’t load email, the company chat system stops working, my file access no longer works.
So I call Helpdesk. Sit on the phone for an hour, only for them to tell me my accounts has been disabled.
They ask if I’d had any login trouble, and I said “no, but I did get a warning that someone tried to access my account from the United States. I think I’m being hacked.”
“How do you know?”
“The message said someone tried to login in California.”
“How do you know there was a hacker in California?”
“Because I received a warning that someone tried to log into my account in Palo Alto.”
“That was you.”
“No, I’m not in Palo Alto.”
“Yes, your account is in Palo Alto.”
“I’m not in Palo Alto, so someone must be hacking my account.”
“Everyone is in Palo Alto. That was you.”
“No, I’m not in Palo Alto. I’m not even in California. I’m not even in the US. It’s not me.”
“Sir, everyone is in Palo Alto.”
“I’m not.”
“You are.”
“I know where I am, and it’s nowhere near Palo Alto, California.”
There was a pause.
“You mean Palo Alto?”
“Yes, that’s where it said the access was from.”
“No, Sir, ‘Palo Alto’ is the brand of our security device. It’s not in California, it’s down the hallway. We recently turned on logon confirmation two-factor authentication. It was asking if you logged in to the security system, not a place. I’ve unlocked your account, please log in again, and answer ‘Yes, it’s me.’”
TL;DR: I used to work in Palo Alto, California but am now overseas, so honestly answered “No” when an IT system asked if I logged in in Palo Alto, not knowing in IT parlance “Palo Alto” is a security system, not a place.
[deleted]: Did tou try turning it off then on again?
takatori: I actually did try a reboot before calling Helpdesk, because they always ask to try that …
| 3 | 18.333333 | |
1671598350 | 1671672702 | t3_zrapoy | t5_2to41 | 34 | fuzzyone06: TIFU by telling hurting my niece's feelings
This happened last weekend and I still feel bad about it.
I have twin toddler boys, so peek-a-boo is a favorite thing to do in my house at the moment. Well, because I get bored and I want my kids to practice walking, I stepped up the game a bit. Instead, I take a large blanket, cover myself completely and sneak around the room while the kids try to chase me. Every once in a while, I'll popup with a big "HELLO!", pull them under the blanket, and give them lots of tickles and "monster bites" (basically I just boop them with my nose over and over on their bellies and make lots of loud "omnom" noises). After a minute, I put them down say "ok now go away" in a silly voice, and crawl away. My kids LOVE this game, and they'll run after me for as long as their little legs will let them, laughing all the way.
Well, my cousin came over, bringing his toddler daughter with him, and she saw how much fun the boys were having and wanted to join in. Shes about a year older than my boys, but still loves baby games like that.
Well, it was her turn to get the monster treatment. I caught her, tickled her, gave her "monster bites", and set her down laughing like crazy. Then I said "ok now go away" and I crawled away. My niece did NOT care for that part. She ran over to her dad crying saying "no go away". Poor kiddo thought I wanted her to leave my house. Spent about 10 minutes trying to convince her it was a joke and that I wanted her to stay and play. After a bit she relented and went back to the game and had a blast. But I paid for it later.
I went to see my cousin this week and I went to hug his daughter, only for her to say to me in a very stern voice "go away!". I was a bit shocked, and my cousin looked at me with a withering stare and said "look what you started". Once he said that I knew what happened. So I pretended to sulk away sadly, and said "ok I'll take the boys and go...". She ran up behind me and hugged me after though and laughed like a tiny loony after. My cousin said she's been doing that ever since. Whoops...sorry man.
​
TL;DR I accidentally taught my niece "go away" and now she won't stop telling people to go away.
AcrobaticSource3: If you don’t want her to say “go away” then teach her a brand new swear word, and she’ll say that instead
__Dystopian__: >swear word
WTF are you on about?
fuzzyone06: Toddlers are basically sponges for the worst stuff. Teach a kid a new word? Takes 100-1000 tries to get them to learn it. Say the word “fuck” in front of a toddler once? It’s their new favorite word for the next 6 days
__Dystopian__: Okaaaay, but what does that have to do with "go away" being a *swear word*?
| 5 | 6.8 | |
1671601023 | 1671603306 | t3_zrbkf5 | t5_2to41 | 27 | [deleted]: TIFU by telling on my little sister to my abusive dad.
[deleted]
wilhelm_david: call the police
CatBoxShit: I can't. We already were in foster care. If we are in one again we will be separated.
HtownKS: Being separated and safe is better than being unsafe together.
CatBoxShit: I can't have my babies taken from me again...
RudeSprinkles1240: Lying drama queen.
CatBoxShit: You have no idea what the fuck I've been through.
RudeSprinkles1240: You deleted comments that prove you're lying.
CatBoxShit: You can say what ever you want. Dosent mean your right. Have a wonderful life.
| 9 | 3 | |
1671605107 | 1671611271 | t3_zrctbk | t5_2to41 | 4 | VainglorySolipsism: tifu by enslaving my gf to mine gravel and sand underwater in minecraft
the title is not humor, nor is it a joke, I am completely serious. Tonigt I partook in puffing on some grass yk to feel like im in space.. So I do that then go on minecraft with my girlfriend. We started to explore and eventually found a sunken ship which contained a treasure map inside. So upon finding this treasure map we went looking and eventually found the x that marks where the chest should be buried. So we dug, and dug, and we dug a bit more and found nothing. My girlfriend told me she was going to give up but I wanted a conduit (thing that lets people breath underwater) and all that we needed was the item contained in the treasure chest. So being stubborn I gave her another shovel and told her to keep digging, and then I gave her another shovel but she said that she just wanted to give up and go back home. So I told her, no! we need to keep digging. she just kind of accepted this and continued digging. we gave up after 35 minutes of it and found absolutely nothing. waste of time and gf went to bed immediately after I said we could give up.
​
TLDR: made her mine sand to find treasure chest until she was angry and left the game to sleep.
switchbreed: How old are you?
MKAT021: That was gunna be my question as well 🤣
VainglorySolipsism: on bbnomoney
| 4 | 1 | |
1671605369 | 1671628406 | t3_zrcw22 | t5_2to41 | 8 | [deleted]: TIFU by drunkenly telling my girlfriend I had a son
[deleted]
MotoHULK: The people sitting on this guy for not being in his son's life will defend a woman for killing hers in the womb.
[deleted]: Not the place to be anti-abortion homie.
MotoHULK: It abundantly proves my point, doesn't it?
[deleted]: What does? Shitting on someone for being an awful dad has nothing to do with your opinion on someone’s bodily autonomy, bozo.
MotoHULK: Again, you prove what I said to be true.
You justify a woman murdering a child by calling it bodily autonomy, but this man taking care of his own health while not killing the child makes him a pos.
Typical NPC.
[deleted]: Bitch, this is my post 🤨
MotoHULK: Ok, soy boy pretending to be an internet tough guy.
[deleted]: At least I get laid
MotoHULK: Father O Reilly doesn't count, my little pumpkin.
[deleted]: Stop calling me your little pumpkin or you just might make me blush
| 11 | 0.727273 | |
1671607623 | 1671735512 | t3_zrdk2c | t5_2to41 | 66 | ohlordwhyisthishere: TIFU by losing a pencil and spoiling my whole Christmas present
I have... strong preferences for stationary. Widths of writing utensils especially.
0.7 pencils and pens are horrible and awful and very very bad. Somehow, my handwriting never looks right in 0.7, and I can never quite get diagrams the way I want them.
This morning, I lost my last 0.5 mechanical pencil.
Tomorrow is the date of my most important final exam.
After frantically searching my bedroom for *any* replacement, and begging my parents to check their personal stationary caches, my dad finally brought out a giant, very luxurious stationary set.
"Try to look surprised at Christmas."
That set was something I've wanted for a really long time, and had spent months begging them for. Apparently it was a splurge for them, and my big Christmas present.
It also happened to contain the only 0.5 pencils in the house.
And they are *really nice* pencils.
Luckily for me, my mom doesn't know that I have it. As long as I keep the packaging pristine, I should *hopefully* be able to sneak the pencil back into the set tomorrow evening without her knowing I've seen it.
Hopefully.
TL : DR I lost a crucial stationary item the night before a big exam, and had to replace it with a piece of the big surprise Christmas present my parents had gotten for me.
Quick Update: Exam has been taken (and passed!), pencil has been returned to its box, gift has been re-wrapped and placed back under the tree. I’d call this a successful Christmas. Happy holidays, folks.
plg94: Well, what pencil is it? As a subscriber to r/mechanicalpencils I'm curious.
Also did you try a 0.3 or 0.4 pencil yet (or even Pentel's 0.2 Orenz)? As someone who finds even 0.5 almost too wide for small writing (eg maths subscripts), 0.4 is my sweet spot.
Sufficient-Ad451: I’m intrigued as well, but my preference is 0.7 or 0.9 so the lead can withstand all of my inner turmoil without snapping..
N8rPot8r: I'm glad I'm not the only one.
| 4 | 16.5 | |
1671610355 | 1671661933 | t3_zrebpq | t5_2to41 | 685 | [deleted]: TIFU by getting my face smashed
[deleted]
TheScruffyStacheGuy: Nothing about this is on you! You did nothing wrong.
The real fuckup is the guy in the story for cheating, and even more so his girlfriend and her friends for assaulting you afterwards, which is a serious felony. They are actual, literal criminals, while you were just being lied to and manipulated and acted out of a completely reasonable assumption that if a guy asks you out, he's actually single...
Ch4l1t0: The guy didn't do anything wrong either. He can go out with whoever he wants to, his gf doesn't own him, and he didn't (presumably) engage in any sexual or romantic activity with OP, they just went to the movies and got something to eat. If that sort of thing is out of bounds for the guy/gf relationship, they should be explicit about it, but I can't just assume that's the case from this post alone.
The guy's GF is a fucking psycho and should be arrested.
OP definitely did not do anything wrong at all.
roxannefromarkansas: Actually the guy is a piece of shit. He knows his girlfriend. Also, he didn’t tell OP that he has a girlfriend. He cheated on his girlfriend and put her in his girlfriends crosshairs.
Ch4l1t0: Going to see a movie and get something to eat is cheating? wow.
slothxaxmatic: Apparently, his GF thought so???? Edit to add: all relationships are different, and it's up to the individuals within them to determine boundaries.
Ch4l1t0: Agreed. But we don't know how their relationship worked or what were their boundaries or if they were clear at all.
And the GF doesn't seem to be the most stable/rational person in this ordeal, so I wouldn't necessarily take her standards as reference.
I'm not saying OP is a saint or anything, just that with the info on the post I think jumping to accuse OP of cheating is a bit much.
To me going to the movies with a friend or someone from school/work isn' t anywhere near cheating, but to each their own, I suppose.
slothxaxmatic: >To me going to the movies with a friend or someone from school/work isn' t anywhere near cheating
You. Aren't. Them. I wouldn't care either, but I am not them. Everyone is different. As far as their relationship is concerned, he cheated. Intimacy isn't sex. Intimacy can be done fully clothed and without proximity. That's why I said it's up to the individuals to discuss their boundaries. Cheating is ambiguous, and it has no direct form.
Ch4l1t0: And I agreed with that, but from the post it's not clear if the guy intended to "cheat" on his gf, knowing she would freak out, or just went to the movies and got grilled by his GF when he got back. We don't even know if they've been in a relationship for long, maybe they didn't know each other that well (most adults are pretty bad at defining boundaries, for a 16yo couple it can be even worse).
EDIT: To be clear, if indeed the case is that the guy knew it would piss off his gf, and went anyway, purposely omitting his relationship status, then yeah, I agree he was cheating and is a douchebag.
slothxaxmatic: These are better questions. (And if it wasn't obvious, I'm kind of on your side here). "Relationship" may be a strong word to use, but we're all dumb at that age. I hope OP doesn't place blame on themselves, and I think the "couple" need to have some discussions or part ways. But for the events to play out like they have is ridiculous. I feel you SHOULD be comfortable letting your partner have freedom. But not everyone believes in trust.
Ch4l1t0: Agreed on all counts.
Ps: OMG people agreeing on the internet?? The end is nigh!! :D
| 11 | 62.272727 | |
1671614205 | 1671617196 | t3_zrfdbt | t5_2to41 | 14 | dracula233: TIFU by cheating in my final exam
TW: self harm, suicidal thoughts, SA
Well, I fucked up real bad. I threw away a whole 4 years of education in college as I have been caught cheating in an exam that I struggled a lot with. The scene keeps replaying in my head. It was so painful and traumatic it almost doesn't feel real up until now. I feel like I am constantly in denial because I threw all my effort down the drain.
I was once a brilliant student, with so many innovative ideas and was absolutely loved by the department. I had the best lab skills and lab professors would always call me so I can assist other students. Everyone adored my work and saw me as someone highly gifted and wonderful, to the point that I was the only undergrad that had a part time job as a research assistant. I wasn't exactly loved by my peers, but it didn't matter to me because I was never a popular person in my whole life. I was always a bullied loner nerd that people asked for homework it used to compare themselves to so they can make their friends feel better. It was like "I mean at least you're not HER" sort of thing. My grades weren't as great as perfectionist me wanted them to be, however, I was definitely one of the smart students that people would rely on and professors would count on.
During covid, a lot of things happened to me. I got sexually assaulted, I realized how abusive my parents were and my rose coloured glasses shattered. To put it simply, everything went downhill; more than I ever thought it could. I was ruined. I was constantly stressed and severely suicidal because of everything that was happening to me. It led me to go through periods of insomnia and hypersomnia that would severely affect my performance at university. My GPA took a stroll in hell. I kept fighting and studying and doing everything I can but nothing was enough. No matter what I did, I never went forward or performed better. It was almost like I was desperately trying to leave an underground tunnel by digging in the wrong direction. All the effort was there but it was getting me nowhere. It just put me deeper into my mess as I made more and more mistakes.
Until the day of my wonderful exam came and I fatally fucked up.
In preparation for my exam, which I was studying for a week earlier, I couldn't stop panicking. I had awful panic attacks that would last hours and not give me a break. I lost sleep, I lost my appetite, and I went to the hospital a lot because of how sick I became with anxiety. It reached to the point that on the night before the exam, I was just stuck and I couldn't do anything about it. I had been panicking so much that nothing could enter my head and I made no progress at all. I sat there staring at my screen hoping for the letters to form coherent words. But it didn't happen. I felt like I had forgotten how to read. I only had 6 hours left to my exam and I knew none of the content. Everything I once knew evaporated into thin air. I took my trusty benzodiazepines and hoped for the best, but they didn't work.
I called my sister in panic and asked for help. She said she could help me cheat and we had formulated a plan to make it happen. When I knew I had a back up, my anxiety dissipated and I instantly felt relief. This is when all the information started entering my head and I never felt like I was able to understand a course so well. I almost felt like I mastered it. So I decided that I will try to solve the exam on my own and if I needed help or support my sister would be by my side.
And so we went with the plan. It went smoothly even if the invigilator was desperately trying to ruin anyone's life. But then, my bluetooth headphone disconnected. I felt my hands and feet turn numb and I knew I was done for if my sister spoke. Which she did. And I was caught.
Anyways, no one in the department who loved me so much wanted to stand up for me. They told the disciplinary committee that they wanted nothing to do with me nor even try to defend me or give me a chance. I was one semester away from graduation and all those people who once saw potential in me turned their backs towards me and didn't even give me a chance to explain myself. I had tried to meet up with them, but none would respond to my emails. I knew I was fucked. I spent several days crying and had even completed the rest of my exams. However, the disciplinary committee said that they would fail me in all courses this semester and kick me out for one whole year.
I have self harmed multiple times over this and almost ended myself by methods that I will not share so that I don't give the rest of you ideas. I ruined my life.
I see everyone around me still having chances at life and making so much progress in their education but I'm just there. My dad is horribly upset about it and wants to try to convince the university to take me in again but I have no idea if that will work. Most importantly, I have no idea how severely I will be punished over this. I am terrified, ashamed, disgusted, and hurt. I feel like a worthless piece of shit.
TL;DR : I got caught cheating and I'm kicked out of uni for a year
AsAHumanBean: Ouch, I'm sorry. If it's any consolation you will get through this - much like high school, college doesn't matter all that much despite how it seems in the thick of it. Very tough lesson to learn and a big mistake but take the year to learn and use it to recover from everything - get a huge headstart on these last classes by studying the material and reorient your mind (therapy), and you'll cruise through when you go back and be better than ever.
dracula233: Thank you for your response. I will try my best but this stain on my record is huge as I wanted to go to higher studies. I definitely need loads of therapy though
AsAHumanBean: Well, it's true you might have to build back some trust again, but no one at the university should care nearly as much as you do about this, and it should be let go especially after a year. Just try not to worry or beat yourself up, it may be counterintuitive, but it sounds like the year off is a much needed break. Maybe reframe it as a positive, like getting caught may have been a blessing in disguise. Now you can recover from burnout and deal with trauma head on
| 4 | 3.5 | |
1671614639 | 1671655883 | t3_zrfhi8 | t5_2to41 | 43 | Ufterio: TIFU by being a dickhead to a gym goer at a gym I’m about to start working a
The gym I go to has 3 squat racks, only one of them have safety handles though. And I was using the one with safety handles. I did my warm up sets, and then got distracted by some personal shit which happened (got a text message which threw me off), and I was on the phone for the next 8-10 minutes.
A guy comes up to me and asks me how much time I have left on there, I say about 15 minutes as I have 3 sets to go. To which he says “15 minutes?” in a pissed off tone. I say, “you can use the rack next to mine” in an impolite tone and he says “I need to use your rack for the safeties, you’re just on your phone doing nothing”. And he was right. I was in the wrong.
The manager at this gym offered me a receptionist position and I’m about to start my job training. I pissed someone off at this gym and if I’m gonna work there I’ll have to greet him every time he enters the gym now .
TLDR; was rude to a gym goer at this gym I’m gonna work at. I made it really fucken awkward for myself because im about to start working at this gym.
El_Mangusto: How about just saying sorry next time you see him and moving on.
"Hey, about that last time. Sorry I had some personal problems pop up and I went over the line."
Or something like that.
Partyslayer: This. Sack up.
| 3 | 14.333333 | |
1671609501 | 1671656261 | t3_zre2wl | t5_2to41 | 5 | MaxPlease85: TIFU by making my Grandmother Cry
This happened yesterday. Still feeling like a horrible person.
My Grandma, 92 years of age, lost her hearing over the course of the last 4-5 years. She's not completely deaf, but if you want to talk to her you have to scream. A year ago she got a hearing aide. She hated it. Mainly because she was complaining, that everyone had "the wrong voice" and her favorite actors in TV shows sounded differently. Whenever the hearing aide was in her ears she always said, that we all sounded wrong and our voices sound strange. I think that's because she was used to just hearing muffled voices allthough we were always screaming to her.
After a while, she would just let the device run out of battery but still put it in and just tell us, it's not working properly.
My father became upset about the screaming whenever he wanted to talk to his mother and called her bluff by saying "Hey, you are saying that your hearing aide is not working properly. Let's get you a new one." She agreed without admitting anything. The pride of a grandmother.
They got her a new one. A more expensive and better one. Smaller with a way longer battery life and easier way of recharging. That was on monday. My mother immediately told me, that the complaining about the wrong voices started again.
Here comes the FU.
I thought I play a little prank. When I came over I greeted her in the highest voice I could come up with. Just like I just lost both my testicles in a horrible vice accident. Bernadette from Big Bang Theory sounds like Isaac Hayes compared to what I came up with in regards to high pitch voices.
And my Grandma, my lovely 4'8 Grandma, with a heart of gold and usually a great sense of humor, stormed away crying.
"That's not right. What is going on? I don't want that thing. I hate it."
I completely underestimated how hard of a toll the four or five years of hearing bad had on her. I begged for forgiveness in my normal voice, explained myself and told her I'm so sorry. She slapped the back of my had (I had to bow down for that one) and said to me, "it's okay, but if you do that again, I'll have my revenge."
Now I'm still feeling like a horrible person although she forgave me.
TL;DR My Grandmother was complaining, that her hearing aide made everyone sound wrong, and after getting a new one, I used a high pitched voice to greet her and that made her cry, because I completely underestimated how hard it is for her, if everyone had a "wrong Voice".
ttystikk: You deserved that. And you learned a powerful lesson in empathy.
MaxPlease85: Agreed. Learned my lesson.
ttystikk: Pay it forward, and be sure to spend lots of time with your grandma. It's time well spent and you'll never get it back.
| 4 | 1.25 | |
1671619110 | 1671622019 | t3_zrgp3g | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU by getting a piercing
[deleted]
LuckyWhip: Get a donut pillow! The hole makes it so you can lay on that side with any issues.
moldyloofah: travel pillow works just as well
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1671621522 | 1671642768 | t3_zrhe5w | t5_2to41 | 19 | [deleted]: TIFU by killing my Mums favourite bird on her birthday.
[deleted]
penderhippy: shit can you get her another bird it won't replace the old one but it can help with the healing process and she can have a new companion and she's already got bird stuff?
penderhippy: ps you're not a bad person shit happens im sorry your ma's bird died but just by making this post we all know you're not a bad person
| 3 | 6.333333 | |
1671611950 | 1671634880 | t3_zrer9c | t5_2to41 | 10 | Prostheta: TIFU - I visibly projected bodily substances onto a train carriage window mid-commute and made everything worse and plainly visible. Maybe.
Man, was that a hard title to consider.
Okay, so I was on a half-hour commute train one morning (not entirely today, pre-CoViD19 times) and not ill or feeling unwell. The carriage was open seating with maybe 10-15 people on board. I was sat next to a window, pretty much alone.
At the time it was autumn, and somewhat of a cold and damp day. Nothing special. I was listening to music, going about my day as usual and a few minutes into the train journey, I cleared my throat (Hrr-hmm) what I thought was silently, and did an involuntary cough. An entirely unexpected expectoration shot out of my throat and splatted firmly across the train window. Clear sticky margins, gummy yellow-green bubbly phlegm. Oops.
IFU by not knowing entirely how to handle this quandary. First, I was absolutely unaware of whether or not this was witnessed by anybody in the carriage so was unable to weigh up how best to react. I was sat mid-carriage with maybe a third of the seating area outside of my vision, and I really didn't want to turn around and check since I figured that this would both draw more attention to me, and identify my face to people for future avoidance. Ffs. I could be that guy who launched a gross ball of colourful mucus onto a window and did nothing, or the guy that did it and then did a huge song and dance drawing it to the attention of every lost soul on that carriage.
I had to react quickly, and the best I could come up with was the lesser from the huge list of evils presented. I had nothing available to wipe it off with, and even if I did it would just smear further than could be managed discretely. I could tell that just by looking at it. It landed on the window at a reasonably shallow angle, and seemed like it wanted to stick rather than skim off the window surface. We're not talking slimed-Venkman, but a viscous trapped-Newt. Something that would take more than a quick fix.
So I did what seemed to be the obvious choice in my ASD mind; stick my train ticket over it. Unfortunately, the offending substance in question was out of arm's reach so I had to stand up, which between stations tends to be unexpected movement that draws glances of idle attention. But, onwards and unfortunately upwards. I did my best to scrape it in one quick motion and pressed down the credit-card size piece of bright orange card over it with a couple of twists, adhering the card to the window at a jaunty angle and sat back down. I couldn't look around me and I feared eye contact for about twenty minutes after this.
So I don't know. I may have gotten away with it, or I may now forever be a memory in several people's minds as the guy who coughed up a vile ball of phlegm, then stood up and calmly pressed my train ticket over it like some mentally ill WTF guy.
I left this train and didn't look back, however I caught this train daily for many months at the same time and being a commuter train....I was probably that guy. Man.
TLDR; I coughed up a phlegmball onto a train window in plain sight and stuck my train ticket over it, making it both worse and maybe less worse, but probably way more worse.
ShaveMyNipps: i very much enjoyed this story, as well as your writing style. Thank you for being a disgusting but eloquent individual
Prostheta: To this day, I still don't know whether I am "that guy" in the dusty corners of somebody's trauma. I'm never that disgusting, however in this instance I had no good options. Picking up a turd by the clean end, etc.
| 3 | 3.333333 | |
1671608816 | 1671712753 | t3_zrdw1g | t5_2to41 | 6 | littleduckmurder: TIFU having too much edibles part 2!
So here I am trying edibles again, I had recently bought a new stash a few weeks ago. I tried a new sample version of the chocolate ones from the pervious post at around 7pm. Soon 9pm rolls around I'm thinking maybe it's not having an effect yet, I guess I'll have another. So here I go reading the instructions say 'take half' I said hell no so I ate one chewy.
11pm comes in and I'm REALY feeling it. I thought oh let's have some fun with the toys. For some reason while I was going to town, I was able to continue the feeling of cumming and cumming again. As soon I was done I cleaned up my items and placed them on my dirty hamper in my closet (with the lid open so i remember to clean it throughly just in case)and my edible bag is placed in there too.
I lay back in bed and am still feeling the sensation of cumming and cumming again. My muscles are only doing that one movement and thats it. So I try thinking of things that will help me forget about it...opening my eyes staring at the wall, counting back words/numbers, bringing my head and arms down to move the blood flow but nothing was working. Then my throat got really dry, like really SCAREY dry. I tried drinking water but nothing was working, it just kept being dry. So my medical brain kicks in and says "you are having an allergic reaction, call 911" I get dressed, get my phone and walk to the living near the door.
Now paramedics are at my house, they start looking at me once I finally came to (I'll save the initial conversation with the operator and scarey 'i cant breathe' crys)). He sets me to my wall, I feel so weak I can't even pick my head. OOOOOOHHHHHH LORDY but was I high as a kite and luckily I wasn't wearing my glasses so I couldn't see their laughing faces. I was making lude comments and joking around, cringy pick up lines/songs, like acting happy drunk x100. I told them the story of the edibles but left out the info of the cumming (which I was still cumming). Homie tells me it's not an allergic reaction but just my reaction to the edibles. I decided to decline going with them to the hospital (I'm so embarrassed).
I am still having the orgasms going on but luckily im starting to feel the low part. Im just going hope for the best, call out from work, and run on the treadmill if its still happening.I knew it probably made their night but damn it, I'm still embarrassed.Also it occurred to me that my edibles where in the closet floor...square in the middle was my dildo.
TLDR: Took too much edibles, i climbed mount orgasm and still vibrating, thought I was going to die of an allergic reaction, flirted with the EMTs, and I'm still cumming. Always follow package instructions.
I typed this high so sorry for the miss spelling also it took me 46 minutes to type everything.
DC_Commanders_Fan_: Did you at least cum?
littleduckmurder: Too many times
| 3 | 2 | |
1671633916 | 1671648521 | t3_zrorqh | t5_2to41 | 34 | Garbageboy5011: TIFU by rolling up my sleeves during lunch
Tw, mentions of child abuse
I (22non-binary) had kind of a rough childhood, and because of it, am now fairly covered with scars. My girlfriend (21f) has always been fine with it, and even says she likes how they look, especially the ones on my arms because of how they look with my tattoos.
Well, anyways, I went to go meet her parents for lunch, since we’ve finally gotten to that point in our relationship, and she told me to dress nice. I don’t really have any ‘nice’ clothes, I’m a bit of a hermit, but I went out and bought some. Just a dress shirt and some sweats that I could pass off as dress pants. Everything was fine. Even did my hair, ditched my glasses, etc. i wanted to look nice for her.
The lunch went fine, her parents eyed up the scars on my face a little and the nail polish, but overall we’re really polite. But I rolled up my sleeves because I almost got sauce on him and it was literally my only nice shirt. They’re very conservative Christian’s, and they can pass off a few small scars and nail polish, but my arms are kind of a mess, and I could tell it made them uncomfortable.
My girlfriend clearly could too, and on the drive back to my apartment, she voiced embarrassment to me. This was really important for her, and she had been going on about her smart college ‘boyfriend’ to her parents so much, now she’s worried that they’ll probably force her not to talk to me again. I don’t think she needs to worry too much, I know her sister’s boyfriend and he’s worse than me (still cool guy, just a bit of a prick sometimes) but her parents adore him, but it doesn’t matter what I think. She’s upset and I need to do something to make it up to her, I don’t think she’d forgive me any other way, this was really important for her
TL;DR my gfs parents saw my scars and tattoos and now my gf is worried they won’t let her date me
jungerfrosch: Um..... you're both adults, who cares what your/her parents think? If they cannot support you then why are you allowing them to have input into your lives?
Garbageboy5011: Her family just means a lot to her, so it’s a big thing that they get along with her chosen partner.
Reddoraptor: If they dislike you because you have tattoos or scars that's not you doing wrong, it's not a sign of poor character, and if they choose to disfavor you because of that they're just closed minded idiots.
And if your gf thinks it's ok to make you hide from them, that your body is shameful and something that needs to be hidden, she's in the wrong and she is subjecting you to their baseless and morally wrongful judgment. She's the one who should be making it up to you, not the other way around, and IMHO you should be telling her that she should not be trying to make you ashamed of your body by validating the opinions of people who treat it as shameful. No, just no, NFW.
| 4 | 8.5 | |
1671635093 | 1671705974 | t3_zrpl01 | t5_2to41 | 23 | aniclip: TIFU by stealing from my employer
[removed]
Turbogato: A long time ago my roommate that I worked with did this. Not only did he lose his job, I eventually lost mine as well since they assumed I was stealing as well due to association.
You might think it is a victimless crime but sometimes it costs other people their job.
At least you’re remorseful about it.
Gerald_Bostock_jt: It was illegal for them to fire you for that reason, if you were innocent
BeastOGevaudan: They could argue that he knew, and that since they were roommates they were benefitting from it, so was guilty by extension for nit reporting the theft.
Also, if in the US, a lot if places are "at will" and can fire you for whatever for the most part.
Gerald_Bostock_jt: There are still caveats to the at will practice.
Anyway, this goes to show that your employer will screw you over the first chance they get; so screwing over your employer isn't immoral.
| 5 | 4.6 | |
1671633751 | 1671744767 | t3_zroo79 | t5_2to41 | 39 | ugul23: TIFU by telling my teachor "shut up bitch."
for context, we just moved here and i'm not that close to some of the teachers. unfortunately,i'm far from close with this teacher.
So,we were playing chess with my friends,and someone rushed in the classroom. keep in mind that we call each other "shut up bitch" as an inside joke. anyways, someone rushed in,which i couldn't see because someone blocked my sight, and said something which i couldn't fully hear, and that one teacher that rushed in effin' had to be the one that has the most similar voice to my friend. i said "shut up bitch" right away so i didn't had the time to see their face. after that, she walks to me shocked, and right at the moment when i see her, i just wanted to kill myself because i couldn't live with this shame anymore. i just can't.
anyways,i told her that i thought she was my friend and apologized her profusely. thankfully she was cool about it and forgave me. i still cringe over it. thank you for listening.
TL;DR: i thought she was my friend and apologized her immediately. ended up being forgaved.
qndel: "teachor"/"forgaved", Jesus Christ ...
ugul23: is the "d" part wrong with forgave? please correct me.
ReintegrationTablet: Forgiven would be correct
mackinator3: The hell it would.
ReintegrationTablet: "ended up being forgiven" isn't correct?
mackinator3: Eh, I looked at the wring forgave lol
| 7 | 5.571429 | |
1671636397 | 1671636817 | t3_zrqjs7 | t5_2to41 | 9 | life-is-chill: TIFU by almost being late to my bus ride to New York.
Today I (21 M) am going to New York, which is around 4 and a half hours from where I live. The bus that I needed to ride was supposed to leave at 9:30. The drive from my house to the bus station is about an hour. I had to pay for parking so instead I asked a friend to drive to her house and get a ride to the bus station. I left my house a little later than planned (around 8:15) but I was okay since my ETA to my friend’s house was around 8:50, and she was around 20 min to the bus station, which meant that I would have enough time.
On the way, I called her a couple of times but didn’t get a call back. I arrived at a plaza near her place and texted a couple more times before ultimately deciding to take matters to my own hands. So I decided to drive to the bus station myself and pay for parking. It was around 9 so if I drove straight, I could have made it in time. Along the way, however, I felt a really queasy feeling in my stomach and decided that I needed to take care of some business really badly. I drove to a Safeway on the way, sprinted to the bathroom and let out my demons.
It was 9:15 so I needed to go. I sprinted back to my car and drove to the bus station as fast as possible. As soon as I got off my car (it was like what? 9:32) I saw a charter bus from a distance begin to take off. Worried for my life, I began running and ended up catching the drivers attention. He made a hand signal and told me to board. He was very reasonably pissed at me for being late since I stalled like 5 minutes of his time, but he let me board. He also told me that because he’s monitored under surveillance, if he gets caught stopping to board a late passenger he gets a five day suspension. So now I feel like a huge asshole for being late. This could have all been prevented if I woke up earlier, but thankfully the driver was kind enough to let me board.
TLDR: TIFU by boarding my bus late and potentially penalizing my bus driver.
PS I wrote all of this on the bus
AcrobaticSource3: Enjoy New York! Are you going for vacation? Are you going to see the Christmas Tree in Rockefeller Center? See a show in Times Square? Go shopping? Check out the strip clubs for research purposes?
life-is-chill: I’m actually staying in upper NJ since I have family and friends there, but I’ll be checking out NY as well
| 3 | 3 | |
1671522291 | 1671667019 | t3_zqi7gq | t5_2to41 | 10 | Get_Heizoud: Tifu by throwing food into my mouth
I, (17 F) started babysitting for a new family recently. I work well with kids, so the day was mostly uneventful. That is, until snack time. The kid had some of those sugar coated marshmallows in Christmas themed shapes. (Maybe he got them from school?) He thought they were decorations for the Christmas tree and wouldn’t believe me until I ate one to prove that they were in fact, sweets. After I showed him that, he started opening each packet. I thought he was gonna try and eat them all and was prepared to stop him, but instead, he kept asking me to eat them. I think he was fascinated by the concept of pretty things being edible.
Now here’s where I made a mistake: Last time I babysat for his parents, I taught him how to throw small food items and catch them in his mouth. He thought it was cool, so I did it a lot. This time though, he wanted to teach me a different way to eat a marshmallow. I didn’t have the heart to explain that I already knew how to eat, so I humoured him. His eating technique was basically just violently shoving the marshmallow into your mouth. He even gave me a demonstration.
After assuring him that I understood, he told me to try it. I reached to grab a marshmallow, but no. He wanted me to eat the same one that he had already shoved into his mouth. I didn’t want to eat the slobber coated ball of sugar, so I told him that I had a lot of cavities and it hurt to eat sugar. Then, he looked at me with his goddam puppy eyes and I caved. (I’m weak.) I slowly put the teeth destroyer into my mouth. I thought I would be able to just spit it out after, but he made sure I chewed and swallowed the entire thing. He likes so happy after, so I guess it all worked out, but remind me never to eat in front of a child again lest they try to teach me how to eat.
TL;DR: A child tried to teach me how to eat by forcing me to consume a marshmallow covered in his slobber, and I did it because I’m weak.
Noidremained: next time he's gonna straight up kiss you
Get_Heizoud: Oh dear god, I hope not💀
| 3 | 3.333333 | |
1671638185 | 1671639501 | t3_zrrueq | t5_2to41 | 6 | NoAsparagus7863: TIFU by kissing someone I shouldn't
I am on a beach trip with my college friends and we rented a house. There's some people here we aren't too close with but it was cheaper to invite more people. One of these not so close people is a guy (T) who has previously been involved with one of my closest guy friends, who we'll call B. B is gay and very open about it, but T says he is only experimenting and was a very bad person towards B before, led him on but refused to be considered anything but straight. B has told me all about it since we're very close and really love each other. The first day of the trip some stuff went down that I won't get into for privacy reasons, but B had a very bad beginning of the trip and I wound up taking him to a hospital and staying with him and I came back at 4 am after his mom got there. B still came back on day 2 because he wanted to enjoy the trip. On the same day he got back we had a mini party with the people here. There was lots of alcohol and weed involved and since I had been the responsible one on the first day, my friends really wanted me to get fucked up. I had shot after shot and hit after hit of weed. It was a very uncontrolled night and I wound up exactly how my friends wanted. When I get drunk I get really horny, and T started to follow me around the room and trying to kiss me which I refused for the first couple of times. After a bit though, and a lot more alcohol, he sort of cornered me and I gave in and we made out for a minute and a half(ish) until I pulled away. I felt awful about it from the start, and the next day B was obviously mad at me, as were some of my other friends. I decided the best thing was to talk with him about it so I did. I explained what happened and apologized profusely and promised I would never do something like that again, because I got that I had hurt him badly, he accepted my apology and we hugged and he said he forgave me but to never do that again. I was still feeling bad but I didn't wanna cry in his face because that would be like playing the victim and I definitely am not the victim. After that on night 3 there was another mini party and they kept telling me to come out and party with them but I was feeling awful and on the verge of a panic attack so I picked up the keys and left the house and just found a place I could sit and cry alone in the streets. I ended up being gone for an hour and everyone was worried about me so I picked up the phone and made up some excuse about leaving to go buy some stuff. I think they believed me, or I hope so. Anyways, I fucked the trip up for everyone else by being selfish and hurting one of my best friends, and I lost 3 years of trust in one minute and a half.
TL:DR I kissed someone who hurt my friend and fucked up a trip for my friends.
Itamarep: I don't understand, if he followed you and cornered you, why did you apologize?
NoAsparagus7863: Because I kissed him back
Itamarep: So he doesn't need to apologize to you for what he did but you need to apologize to him???
He not only kissed you, he also followed you and attempted to kiss you more than once
NoAsparagus7863: I apologized to B, not T, idgaf about T tbh. I care about B and what I did hurt him
| 5 | 1.2 | |
1671655748 | 1671656811 | t3_zs0f8o | t5_2to41 | 7 | Business_Ad_6641: TIFU by saying wrong things at a school event
The title says it all but it wasn't even my fault!
Let me explain.
So at the end of every year our school throws a party that consists of presenting (to middle school children) what we do in our scientific high school.
There's usually experiments regarding chemistry, physics and maths... There's also something else but I really don't know, I was busy doing my stuff. Anyway, back to the start, people come around and see everyone's experiments which are very cool and the first person who came to see my experiment was a religion teacher who claimed to have a degree in physics and asked me several questions, one of which I didn't answer and then he explained to me the reason why a ball in this experiment rotated clockwise (according to him it's because we are in the northern hemisphere, and the magnetic field does something, in Australia the ball rotates counterclockwise) (it's wrong but i trusted him and added this to my script), so I added it to every explanation I gave to all the people that came to me and it was like 4 hours of repeating this to more than 100 people. So then another physics teacher came around and I was happy to explain all that thing but then she suddenly asked me my class. She then proceeded to go and complain to my physics teacher saying that she gave us false information, and I was devastated to hear this, and they didn't believe me when I said it was that teacher that told me that thing in the beginning.
I have a very high grade in physics and it will probably be much lower than it should be just because someone gave me wrong information.
TL;DR
I presented an experiment in my school and a teacher gave me some wrong information to add to my script, another teacher then complained to my teacher about the shit I've been telling people for a good 4 hours, my grade will be fucked up too.
Piratt: It’s a bummer but a great lesson. Always verify information. Sorry you had to learn in such a public way.
Business_Ad_6641: Next time I guess, it will be fun to have this jumping around in my head during the Christmas break.
The power of just one man...
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1671656912 | 1671661487 | t3_zs0y6d | t5_2to41 | 19 | [deleted]: TIFU by being tricked by a pervert and a fake junkie.
[deleted]
DarthMercer: homie! stick to video games or somethin!
gradxl: This is the way
FretlessMayhem: As well as making the default assumption that everyone on the internet is lying.
hiimtim88: Yeah I'd imagine 99% of people on those dating sites are actually old men pretending to be teenagers, probably best to stay away
FretlessMayhem: That’s how it was in the late 90’s. I can’t imagine the landscape has changed much…
| 6 | 3.166667 | |
1671658881 | 1671719467 | t3_zs1tid | t5_2to41 | -5 | volcanic_shoe: TIFU by making a girl cry
I feel like such a terrible person.
Today I (15F) made a girl that I wanted to be friends with (14F) cry and I feel so bad.
So a little bit of backstory. This girl I wanted to be friends with (let's call her Susie for the story) was in a school group chat with me and a bunch of kids from our year. It's kind of an inside joke between me and her to send some weird emo images and say it was her and that I hacked her insta (she was goth, and, note that she didn't seem to find these jokes annoying and laughed and agreed everytime I sent one). Anyways, she left the groupchat a few days ago (I don't know why) and I tried to add her but it said the request was pending so I just figured she wasn't active on that app.
Anyway, I was scrolling through Google, looking for more funny emo images (which are surprisingly hard to find). I found a really funny looking one that, when scrolling through Google, you could only see the top half of it. I downloaded it quick as a flash and sent it to her friend and asked him to show it to her. I should have looked at the full picture first, but my dumbass was too excited to find a funny looking one and didn't think twice. I totally regret that now.
So, an hour later, my friend gets a text from Susie about it. Basically, the full image was the funny emo person holding a fake knife to their arm and she saw the full image. That made her cry because she thought that I wanted her to start self harming and that I made her relive so many memories. I did not want to make her do any of these things, so obviously I felt so, so guilty. I deleted the image immediately and I went to apologize to her, but the request was still pending so none of the messages went through to her. I tried to get my friend to tell her I was sorry, and he did, but he said she told him that "she didn't want to hear any of my fake apologies"
I really wanted to apologize to her, I didn't want her to think I was trying to make her self harm (I'm unfortunately a victim of that. Still have scars. That shit fucks you up) which I totally did not want to do, self harming is a really sad thing that I'm glad I got out of. The last thing I want to do is to imply another person should do it.
Since I wanted to apologize to her, my friend created a groupchat with us three in it, then left so me and Susie could resolve our issues by ourselves. I told her that I was so, so sorry for what I did, and that I didn't mean it and I hope i could make it up to her sometime. I told her that I didn't see the full image before sending and I really should have checked, and I regret sending it so much and that I'm so sorry for making her cry.
She told me that the only reason that she left the school groupchat was because of me. She told me that she didn't like about how I went on and on and on about the emo thing, even though she never told me to stop and laughed along with me. I told her that she could have told me that she didn't like it, and I would have stopped, but I thought she found it funny, and I wanted to be her friend so I thought the best way to do that was to make her laugh. She told me that she doesn't believe my excuses and that she thought I was a bully, and my friend request was pending only because she thought I only wanted to add her to make fun of her, so she never accepted it.
I apologized so much to her, I even started crying because I thought me and her were becoming friends after walking home together the other day, and telling my Mam "I made a new friend!" The second I came in the door yesterday (I have a lot of trouble making friends, nobody in my class talks to me) and my Mam was so supportive and happy and wanted to know if she'd be coming over, and I just went and ruined all that now.
She said she was done with all my shit and left the groupchat, even after I apologized so many times, but I couldn't get through to her. I feel so terrible. I'm such a terrible person, can't even make friends. I want to text her friend and ask him to tell her I'm sorry, but I don't want him to feel like I'm using him to get to her, and he probably also hates me too now.
Even though she doesn't believe it, I genuinely feel so, so sorry and I feel so bad for what I did. I want to go back in time and slap myself for downloading that image. Even worse, my friend told me that she might tell her parents and they might tell the school. I don't want my teachers to get involved in this. I don't want my teachers to think I'm a total asshole that makes fun of goth kids and tells them to self harm. Because I'm not that type of person.
All I wanted to do was to be friends with her. And I ruined that for me now. And her friend too, he's quite nice, but I bet he hates my guts now. I understand she was sad and I also get really moody when I'm sad, but I just wish, just wish so much that she saw that I was actually sorry. And that I didn't mean to hurt her so badly.
TL;DR I sent a girl in my year a cropped image of an emo pretending to self harm without looking at the full image first and now she hates me
BlackedFeather: If your life is anything like mine, you better get used to making girls cry on accident. Lol.
volcanic_shoe: Bro...
BlackedFeather: I hear you bro...
| 4 | -1.25 |
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