start_date stringlengths 10 10 | end_date stringlengths 10 10 | thread_id stringlengths 8 10 ⌀ | subreddit stringclasses 1
value | subreddit_id stringclasses 1
value | total_score int64 -564 194k | text stringlengths 52 58.9k | num_messages int64 3 160 | avg_score float64 -55.17 14.3k |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
1358402979 | 1358540154 | null | t5_2to41 | 16 | sonnyclips: TIFU by telling coworkers not to Google Broney without Safesearch on.
My boss was discussing another highly placed person in the company with that person's assistant. She mentioned this highly placed person had posted a My Little Pony video on his Facebook page. She said that her tween daughter said that b... | 4 | 4 | |
1358387612 | 1358435877 | null | t5_2to41 | 2 | [deleted]: TIFU By Snorting Melatonin
So today, I was bored as shit, so I decided with my dumb self that i should snort my sleeping medicine pills, Melatonin. And today, I have passed out about 2 or 3 times already, my head hurts, my nostril feels like it is on fire, and to top it off my parents saw white powder on my... | 3 | 0.666667 | |
1358433761 | 1358441427 | null | t5_2to41 | 175 | [deleted]: TIFU by pissing all over my girlfriend
So it's my 21st bday and I end up smoking a lot of weed and drinking a lot of alcohol as is expected. I meet up with my girlfriend at the bar, and she comes back to my room, although I don't remember any of that. What I do recall is waking up to her saying "you peed on ... | 4 | 43.75 | |
1358438524 | 1358461631 | null | t5_2to41 | 927 | Skankin_it_easy: TIFU by setting my cat on fire...
Tifu, but this story needs a little bit of background... I was raised with a lot of animals (rescues) and my mom LOVED candles. She still does actually, but she converted the majority of her candle use to wax warmers (I wonder why...). Well, she had given me candles... | 8 | 115.875 | |
1358412144 | 1358478365 | null | t5_2to41 | 23 | [deleted]: TIFU by insulting an employee with scoliosis in front of my boss and other manager
I'm a manager at a retail store. One of our employees, we'll call him Carl, is in his early 60's and has degenerative disk disease in his upper back which gives him kind of a slunched over appearance. Not enough to limit his m... | 3 | 7.666667 | |
1358442292 | 1358566571 | null | t5_2to41 | 51 | Indirect_Penetration: TIFU by telling my teacher that I loved her.
Okay first off I'm home schooled and I take my classes online. My teacher called me to check up and ask me about my grades and how my classes were. The usual check up, I guess.
She calls and we talk for about 15 minutes and it's all going okay except t... | 6 | 8.5 | |
1358447428 | 1358525910 | null | t5_2to41 | 4 | TreyWalker: TIFU by eating at Chick-Fil-A.
Sorry guys, gals and undecideds. Worth it.
lizzehness: Did you feel guilty or did the deliciousness overwhelm you? Also- [here's a little gift for you. ](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sO-msplukrw)
TreyWalker: No, but I've got the strangest hardon now
lizzehness: Good! My job ... | 4 | 1 | |
1358453821 | 1358461794 | null | t5_2to41 | 83 | bigontheinside: TIFU by wiping too much
At my uni, we're given toilet paper weekly, but it's really cheap and scratchy. Fair enough, it's free, but it still makes wiping a tad uncomfortable sometimes.
Today, after dropping the muffin, I get to wiping. For some reason I decide I should be cleaner than usual, and wipe t... | 3 | 27.666667 | |
1358457394 | 1358625402 | null | t5_2to41 | 1,837 | thesandvichisaspy: TIFU by getting wasted and visiting a hooker [NSFW]
I'm European and as it is mandatory to have visited Amsterdam (Netherlands) at least once while in your twenties, me and two of my best friends decided to go on a trip there over New Year's Eve.
For those who don't know, Amsterdam is besides their ... | 11 | 167 | |
1358473238 | 1358538422 | null | t5_2to41 | 661 | Im_The_One: TIFU by shitting in a woman's mouth.
Joker3258: What did I just read...
65kerensky: i dont know, but im aroused.
Ilikecookiessomuch: I know I thought it was just me.
Suitablystoned: He shit on a lady and then robbed her purse? sounds like an interesting holiday
leera07: He didn't rob her, she accepted th... | 7 | 94.428571 | |
1358476226 | 1358536176 | null | t5_2to41 | 59 | Danthefat2: TIFU in the Intensive Care Unit.
So, I work at our city's largest hospital as a PCA (basically, a nurse's assistant). I've been training on our various ICU's for the past month, and managed not fucking up until my last day on the Medical ICU. Not once, but three times.
First, during a routine blood sugar ... | 3 | 19.666667 | |
1358466756 | 1358585372 | null | t5_2to41 | 29 | Private-Dancer: TIFU by running out of paper
Today at university i was bursting for a poo and decided to go lighten the load, as was my want. Straight away i could tell this would require some serious wiping but to my despair could only find a couple of sheets within the roll dispenser in my cubicle.
Not wanting to ... | 4 | 7.25 | |
1358485050 | 1358539667 | null | t5_2to41 | 48 | [deleted]: TIFU by taking an ovulation test in the Wendy's bathroom...
Pee went everywhere.
So my husband and I are trying to get pregnant. We decided to order a bunch of ovulation tests because i am not super regular. I got the kind you have to pee in a cup and dip the stick - much cheaper that way.
I take them ev... | 4 | 12 | |
1358493577 | 1358634010 | null | t5_2to41 | 128 | tk_13: TIFU by having a SWAT team show up at work
So, today, I'm on my break in our back office. While idling about on Reddit, I'm tapping my hand on a small white box underneath the counter. So, my general manger comes in, and we start talking when I noticed a slight change in the box. There was a button on it, and I ... | 8 | 16 | |
1358526585 | 1358552410 | null | t5_2to41 | 99 | Fratfuck: TIFU by having sex in a shower during a frat party
So this was last week, only have the nerve to say it now...
So here I am, freshman in college, hot chick from class invites me to a frat party, FUCK YEA!
The night is going along well, were both drinking, flirting around, make out a bit, and she says: We sh... | 6 | 16.5 | |
1358527179 | 1358529886 | null | t5_2to41 | 388 | Matt_Cryan: TIFU by scaring the crap out of some young hoodlums.
I was driving down the main street in my town, which just so happens to house the local police station. A couple hundred feet ahead, I see a couple of young kids, maybe around 10, looking very mischeivous. You know the look young kids have when they thin... | 4 | 97 | |
1358526965 | 1358585286 | null | t5_2to41 | 35 | OccupyMyBallSack: TI(nearly)FU by skipping my morning dump to not be late.
This morning was really hectic. I had a flight lesson at 8 about 10-15 miles from my house and I was running late. I had my coffee earlier and didn't feel the normal rumbles so I assumed I could skip my morning poop to get to the airport on tim... | 3 | 11.666667 | |
1358529758 | 1358564209 | null | t5_2to41 | 1 | edkisin: TIFU by Yo Momma joke with the wrong people
So, we were on break during classes in high school. Things were a bit tensed, so I decided to make some jokes to cheer up my pals. Hell, now I blame each and every cell of my brain for recalling only Yo Momma jokes. My mind was not working that time, so I joked with ... | 3 | 0.333333 | |
1358547988 | 1358581317 | null | t5_2to41 | 857 | [deleted]: TIFU by letting my husband deep-throat face-fuck me while I had the flu. NSFW
So, I was lying in bed, still recovering from Flu after a week or so, with chills and grossness all around. I typically do not have stomach symptoms when I get Flu, but this year is a year of new things. I've puked from things rang... | 9 | 95.222222 | |
1358556974 | 1358642380 | null | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU by replying back without thinking it through.
For the past few weeks I've been avoiding a particular girl that I would fawn over and crush on, despite knowing that she's going out with someone. It just so happened that she approached me today, a few minutes before the bell would ring, and asked me why I... | 4 | 0.75 | |
1358558566 | 1358630805 | null | t5_2to41 | 445 | lgf92: TIFU by accidentally describing a sexual fetish in French to a room full of native speakers
So I live in Quebec, where French is the language of 80% of the population, and I was raised in another country with English as my first language. So I tend to get grouped in with the English-speaking Canadians - and the ... | 6 | 74.166667 | |
1358560336 | 1358633878 | null | t5_2to41 | 4 | TheHawk2011: TIFU by asking my college professor in front of the whole class what the difference was between a shirt and t-shirt.
I knew what it was all along!!! i was just not thinking; polos and button ups and such were just not going through my head. :/
swordfishtrombonez: Wait, mo' context is needed. Like, was it ... | 5 | 0.8 | |
1358567867 | 1359180988 | null | t5_2to41 | 37 | Tanajao: TIFU by spending 8 hours in a 45C Heatwave no Sunscreen
Today We got hit by a 45 Degree heatwave with a massive hot dry south wind.. I went down the coast surfing from 6am till 2pm in just board shorts. I came inshore after about 5 hours had a break and went back out for a another 3.
I currently look like a c... | 6 | 6.166667 | |
1358573707 | 1358632849 | null | t5_2to41 | 0 | AnnoyingFaecbookGirl: TIFU by telling a friend's secret.
It's a long story, so I'll try and make it quick.
I have two very close female friends (I am a male), lets call them Sue and Danielle. Both of them could be considered my best friends (or at least were...). However, me and Sue haven't been very close for about t... | 3 | 0 | |
1358595813 | 1359238870 | null | t5_2to41 | 1,244 | brownmike3: TIFU, and put a grandpa in jail
This actually happened a month or two ago but I was just informed today about the colossal goat fuck I caused this poor dude.
I live across the street from a bar where I have become quite the regular along with some old timers from the subsidized housing building next door... | 10 | 124.4 | |
1358582367 | 1358674150 | null | t5_2to41 | 14 | [deleted]: TIFU by loosing control of my car and crashing into the sidewalk, destroying a wheel, then getting lost on a bad neighborhood for an hour and a half with a friend.
Well, i'm an idiot: i drove too fast on a corner, the car began to spin and i was scared to death, but there were not other cars near, i crashed ... | 3 | 4.666667 | |
1358613844 | 1358624894 | null | t5_2to41 | 172 | BayouLife: TIFU by shutting down the phones and internet of a multi-million dollar company for 4 hours.
New to this subreddit. This all happened Tuesday January 15th.
I am a service adviser (that primarily deals with oil changes) for a Ford Lincoln Mazda dealership in Louisiana. A basic description of what I do: When ... | 8 | 21.5 | |
1358612312 | 1358720060 | null | t5_2to41 | 53 | hodown94: TIFU by not acknowledging that i am gay, by trying to sleep with another woman who is beautiful, smart and awesome; and having that come crashing with the realization that i can't even get it up.
I am 27 years old and haven't been able to face the facts that i am gay. I have courted the ideas of curiosity an... | 4 | 13.25 | |
1358611903 | 1358642501 | null | t5_2to41 | 22 | warpaint: TIFU by knocking over an old woman in a shopping mall AND stealing from her.
This woman must have been at least 95 years old. She was old as fuck. She had a walker with her and had many shopping bags with her. When I knocked her down, I also dropped several of my own bags.
I got really nervous and embarras... | 3 | 7.333333 | |
1358615758 | 1358617653 | null | t5_2to41 | 5 | levelboss: By getting drunk and vandalism
[deleted]: > I deserve everything I'm going to get, I was a stupid drunken asshole , fuck me and how stupid I was
I'm glad you agree.
levelboss: jhups, I don't know what I was thinking
All I can say if I was in the situation where my shit got wrecked by someone like me I... | 3 | 1.666667 | |
1358624118 | 1358625060 | null | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by thanking a married friend for oral
This actually happened a week ago, but I hadn't had a chance to post it.
I was hanging out with a married couple friend of mine(guy,girl), and two other good guy friends of ours. So in total, 4 guys and 1 lady. Earlier in the night, I asked the couple if they had... | 3 | 1.333333 | |
1358629135 | 1358743913 | null | t5_2to41 | 218 | iscrewedupverybadly: TIFU by leaving the door unlocked
I'll admit, this wasn't today, but actually yesterday because I was very sick and I couldn't drag myself to the computer or phone to write this.
So yesterday my family went out to a fairly fancy restaurant. They have surprisingly large portions along with very ric... | 9 | 24.222222 | |
1358632770 | 1358634095 | null | t5_2to41 | 51 | ItsJustAdam: TIFU by thinking I could snort a 5p coin.
The evening started like any other saturday night, waiting for Heroes to start. So to pass the time I decide to see what I could snort up my nose and spit out, so I take a 5p coin place it in my nose and breethe in rapidly, to my surprise the coin got lodged standi... | 3 | 17 | |
1358638413 | 1360004947 | null | t5_2to41 | 10 | [deleted]: TIFU by spreading the herp derp
I had a threesome a couple weeks ago, and some days later started to suspect I had caught derpes from it. Itchy red bumps, not a ton of them or very large, so I remained sort of in denial about it and continued hoping they were just razor bumps from shaving... and also felt re... | 4 | 2.5 | |
1358640269 | 1358829739 | null | t5_2to41 | 93 | [deleted]: TIFU shaving my pubes [Mildly NSFW]
This was actually a few days ago, but finally now im seeing dramatic results.
So i was just standing in the shower as always. I smeared my privates with some shaving cream and started going at it with my, perhaps a little too used razor. I had noticed some other time that... | 8 | 11.625 | |
1358641028 | 1358654568 | null | t5_2to41 | 30 | Scubabooba: TIFU by sledding down a steep mountain and slamming into a boulder ass first
I went up to the mountain area with a few friends for a fun day with snow activities. After a few hours of messing around, my friend goes "Hey! I dare you to take this sled and go down that hill." I looked at the hill and it was p... | 3 | 10 | |
1358554846 | 1359071474 | null | t5_2to41 | 36 | ElectricWarr: TIFU by intentionally being an asshole to someone who I thought was someone else.
Walking home from an exam, pretty tired and drained.
See someone walking towards us, as they get close I just yell:
"HEY, FUCK YOU!!"
I then proceeded to make the poor bastard high-five me. I wondered why he seemed so... ... | 7 | 5.142857 | |
1358652781 | 1358825472 | null | t5_2to41 | 184 | staintrain: TIFU by feeding a customer a dog biscuit
So I work at a State Liquor store and we usually keep candy for kids and treats for dogs under the front counter.
Booze hounds get accustomed to getting these treats. Well today a scraggly looking ruffian says "You got any treats for my boys" I assume/ hope he means... | 7 | 26.285714 | |
1358653396 | 1358765097 | null | t5_2to41 | 976 | shittyevening: TIFU by flushing a toilet
First off, sorry for the wall of text.
We were out all afternoon, visiting my inlaws. It was a good day, we raided their basement for party supplies and had pasties for lunch. For the uninformed, a pasty is a bready pocket of deliciousness filled with meat and vegetables. Like ... | 7 | 139.428571 | |
1358655504 | 1358787465 | null | t5_2to41 | 18 | Claxattack: TIFU and shaved my balls
My wife regularly shaves/waxes for me so I thought I would do something special for her. She is on a work trip till Monday so I thought this would be the perfect time. I shave my head everyday so I figured this cant be that much different, boy was I wrong. Just a little over 24hr... | 5 | 3.6 | |
1358655841 | 1358710888 | null | t5_2to41 | 13 | TeHNyboR: TIFU by insulting a girl with Downs
So my sister student teaches at an elementary school and she took a picture of the entire class that she works with. Upon seeing this picture, I noticed a little girl in the background making a really odd face, like she looked really angry and confused at the same time. I... | 3 | 4.333333 | |
1358650401 | 1358906043 | null | t5_2to41 | 71 | Bobbysworldjbk: TIFU by jacking off with a bloody hand
I flipped on my bike yesterday. Ripped up both of my palms. Right palm so worst than left. I had a raging boner today and no one was home. Figured I could use my fingertips of my left hand for stroking. got too into it. When i finished i felt a stinging sensation a... | 7 | 10.142857 | |
1358677307 | 1358678658 | null | t5_2to41 | 28 | [deleted]: by making an awful date movie choice
Background: There is this girl (she's black, I'm white), I've liked her for a while now, back in the spring she and I went on a couple dates, but she had just gotten out of a serious relationship and wasn't quite ready for it. Anyway, over the past year we've become reall... | 3 | 9.333333 | |
1358673726 | 1358737583 | null | t5_2to41 | 43 | tiddysprinkles0: TIFU by letting my friend drink from my empty piss cup
so today i was hanging out at my friends apartment. My friend was in the shower, and only has one bathroom in her apartment and i really had to pee, so i peed in my mcDonalds cup and poured it down the sink. i figured it wasnt that bad seeing as th... | 3 | 14.333333 | |
1358708215 | 1358798809 | t3_16xhh7 | t5_2to41 | 188 | smileitsgoodforyou: Eh, just laugh it off with everyone. If you join in and act like you don't care (everybody poops, and everybody gets sick sometimes anyway) it'll blow over soon.
CapnScumbone: it already blew over half the gym floor.
BIueRanger: just take the up vote
CapnScumbone: i think i will. it'll help pay for... | 12 | 15.666667 | |
1358701987 | 1358729579 | null | t5_2to41 | 9 | [deleted]: TIFU by frying my multi-thousand dollar computer
Title says it all.
I way lying in bed on my laptop, talking to my friend, and I saw lightning outside.
I see something blue and look outside to see a bright flash of blue light, and hear a bone-chilling crash.
I start joking about the storm, she doesn't ge... | 6 | 1.5 | |
1358687887 | 1358748207 | null | t5_2to41 | 23 | ilivefortehlulz: TIFU and dropped my phone in the toilet. With poop still in it.
So today I was doing my business in the toilet, expelling the very heavy dinner I ate last night (too much curry) whilst browsing reddit on my phone. After I finished, I put my phone in my blazer pocket, wiped and stood up.
Now, you shoul... | 4 | 5.75 | |
1358699862 | 1358728818 | null | t5_2to41 | 43 | dinosaursheep: TIFU by cooking my toaster.
Counter space is scarce, so I move the toaster to sit on the top burner of my stove. I put my soup in a pot, turn on the oven and leave the room to answer the phone.
A few minutes later I return and see my unplugged toaster is smoking and my soup is cold. FUCK. Switch burne... | 3 | 14.333333 | |
1358706780 | 1358828090 | null | t5_2to41 | 9 | [deleted]: YIFU by eating chili...
yesterday we had a party at my roommates frat and before it started they had chili and i had copious amounts of alcohol before the party even started. I had some great tasting chili and cornbread and then for dessert about 7 brownies worst mistake ever. Before i went to bed i alread... | 4 | 2.25 | |
1358715638 | 1358777476 | null | t5_2to41 | 358 | Staticplatypus: TIFU by being interrupted jerking off by my little sister.
This only happened a few minutes ago and I feel awful. So I was in my bedroom enjoying a bit of r34, altogether minding my own business when there is a knock on the door. I nearly shit myself at that, then the door proceeds to open without wait... | 9 | 39.777778 | |
1358720883 | 1358871019 | null | t5_2to41 | 25 | Seven-Force: TIFU by unknowingly pissing on my trousers at university
Fuck throwaways. My housemates will almost definitely read this, so, hi guys.
Studying late for my exam tomorrow morning, went to the go to the toilet, decided to take my work with me. Sat down, began writing, started pissing. Unbeknownst to me, my ... | 5 | 5 | |
1358721777 | 1358789940 | null | t5_2to41 | 17 | ghost1082: TIFU by creating a 3rd partition in the OSX disk utility.
This wont be the most funny or interesting fuck up...but I could really use your help.
So I have a 750gb hdd on my mac. I had it set up where I was dual booting OSX & Win7 with 375 gb each. Set up via bootcamp.
Since I mainly used the win7 partit... | 3 | 5.666667 | |
1358728491 | 1358790723 | null | t5_2to41 | 72 | DrewCIL: TIFU by driving my drunk ass home from the bar and getting a DUI.
Well, Friday I fucked up if we want to get technical. I know it was stupid and my own fault so I was very respectful to the officers and didn't make myself look like more of an ass. I blew a .14 in the field. I'm a helicopter mechanic and plan o... | 6 | 12 | |
1358737438 | 1358784576 | null | t5_2to41 | 47 | [deleted]: TIFU by exploding the toilet in a church
Yesterday I was visiting my friend at his school in NYC. The night before we had obviously been drinking and went out partying and such. In the morning I felt alright and me and my friend left to get breakfast. After this me and my friend who were visiting started to ... | 3 | 15.666667 | |
1358755766 | 1359095333 | null | t5_2to41 | 139 | thebritface: TIFU by leaving my vibrator in a visible location.
All right, obviously there isn't much more to my tale. I took a luxurious bath then left the most important aspect of it in plain sight. You may ask yourself, "why is that such a big fucking deal?" It's a big deal because I'm embarrassed as fuck. My paren... | 7 | 19.857143 | |
1358767279 | 1358781737 | null | t5_2to41 | 5 | Purplemicrowaves: TIFU by Getting Pissed
So I have been going out and getting pissed for a few weeks now. For the last few days I have been getting drunk to the extent where I uncontrollably spew all over the show. I had been living with my parents for a few weeks because I was evicted from my apartment. Well, Mum and ... | 3 | 1.666667 | |
1358783609 | 1358815684 | null | t5_2to41 | 1,995 | UpvoteGirl82: TIFU by losing a McRib in my house.
So my boyfriend and I have been going strong on a diet for a few months now. He went out with his buddies last night and left me home alone. It was a perfect chance for a super secret cheat day, but nothing in the house was worthy of the occasion. I decided to go to ... | 14 | 142.5 | |
1358783199 | 1358803471 | null | t5_2to41 | 53 | TFM_matt: TIFU by going hot-tubing with my phone
I was so excited about going into the hot tub I just jumped right into the hot tub with my Iphone 4.... and as a broke college kid I can't afford to replace it.
EDIT: I guess I should also add I was drunk as hell when this happened.. but still. I fucked up
darkarchon11... | 5 | 10.6 | |
1358758853 | 1359532525 | null | t5_2to41 | 30 | Kazarath: TIFU by sitting down on the toilet.
I neglected to check the toilet at work today which I normally do. (Yeah, that's where this is heading.) I sat down and enjoyed my number 2. Duty is done and as I'm tucking my work shirt into my pants I feel a wet spot on the back of it. I turned around to find someone's cu... | 5 | 6 | |
1358810009 | 1358863709 | null | t5_2to41 | 87 | [deleted]: TIFU, with my co-worker who has a speech problem.
Co-Worker has a really bad stutter sometimes.
My Boss said: " Dammit, Why doesn't he just write it out on a piece of paper. It would save a hell of a lot of time."
I said, 'do you have any idea how long it would take him to actually spell out : "Iiiiiiii N... | 3 | 29 | |
1358807472 | 1358907998 | null | t5_2to41 | 111 | EsquireKing: TIFU by scraping the thin layer of ice off of my car windshield with my car keys.
I am stupid in the morning. I woke up at 5:55 am got dressed and was out the door by 6:20am. Instead of me turning on the defroster in my car and waiting the 5 minuets, good ole Esquireking decided that he could scrape the ic... | 6 | 18.5 | |
1358812452 | 1359171608 | null | t5_2to41 | 34 | jzaiss: TIFU by jokingly asking my SO to get his boss to pay my salary while his boss was right behind him.
As a grad student whose funding is going to run out in May, I'm a little stressed about what I'm going to do for a paycheck this summer. A group of fellow grad students and myself were hanging out in the lounge ... | 4 | 8.5 | |
1358817399 | 1358875701 | null | t5_2to41 | 118 | user5093: TOFU by shirting my pants in my boyfriend's brand new car.
On a date, we got some ice cream. On the drive home, I start to feel the urge to fart. I lean to the side to let it go as silently as I can and all of a sudden I feel a warm wetness. Two more farts followed with the same leaky shit, staining my boyfr... | 6 | 19.666667 | |
1358820961 | 1358997940 | null | t5_2to41 | 20 | agarton: TIFU by pissing in my laundry basket
Sometimes when I enjoy a few beers, I wake up in the middle of the night and pee in places other than the bathroom. Apparently, I woke up, walked over to my laundry basket, then perched myself over it. I woke up the next morning and realized what had happened when I stepp... | 4 | 5 | |
1358827675 | 1359006383 | null | t5_2to41 | 310 | no_control80: TIFU by slipping on the floor and shitting myself.
Throwaway account 'cause ... yeah.
I was printing out some documents at home when a familiar urge plowed headlong against my anus. I have bowel issues, so when I have to go, I HAVE to go.
Bowels: "Gotta poo, NOW."
So, I grabbed my smartphone (poop sur... | 6 | 51.666667 | |
1358830334 | 1358879987 | null | t5_2to41 | 12 | chokingonachainsaw: TIFU - People say, "don't stick your dick in crazy"...
Or even your tongue for that matter. Just don't do it. I now know what they mean by "crazy" and it's an obsessive psycho that won't leave you alone and will constantly post Facebook statuses about how you broke their heart even if you two were n... | 4 | 3 | |
1358832943 | 1358860345 | null | t5_2to41 | 77 | EPosc: Tifu by farting in front of my not-yet-boyfriend and his two friends
We were all sitting in his basement watching Prison Break. I felt one coming on and have been pinching off silent, no-smellers since the beginning of the show. I thought this one would be like the others -- but no. This one was a grimy, bubbly,... | 5 | 15.4 | |
1358836248 | 1358896111 | null | t5_2to41 | 136 | BansheeTK: TIFU by losing my temper violently
So i have an autistic friend and we were at a Gamestop that was inside a mall at vegas and some "gangstas" started following him and me around mocking him because of the way he talks and i told them to fuck off after my friend just wanted to go home. So they left us alone ... | 7 | 19.428571 | |
1358840900 | 1359179573 | null | t5_2to41 | 63 | Gummibar: TIFU by dealing a massive blow to my boyfriend's ego
I didn't mean it like that though!
He knows his penis is small, he's commented on it before. He made a joke while we were watching a movie, saying it made him feel better that a characters dick was even smaller than his.
I knew it was a bad idea to say i... | 11 | 5.727273 | |
1358848299 | 1358894042 | null | t5_2to41 | 8 | Hold_Your_Colour: TIFU by leaving a watermelon under my bed for a week.
How do I fix this?
der_ray: > How do I fix this?
Remove either the watermelon or the bed.
M0RB1D: Agreed.
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1358855576 | 1359105149 | null | t5_2to41 | 30 | ronints: TIFU by going to the Music festival big day out and get fired because of it.
Today I got fired from my job de to Friday I got a late invite to big day out and there was no way I was going to miss Red Hot Chilli Peppers, I texted my boss I hurt my back and couldn't come in and purposely didn't make any Facebook... | 5 | 6 | |
1358865359 | 1358980005 | null | t5_2to41 | 2,936 | [deleted]: TIFU by stabbing my husband in the penis.
This was an accident, I promise.
It was 2 a.m. We were both impressively inebriated. We had spent all night partying with friends home from college. Everyone left- time for sexy times.
It starts off just fine. Lots of giggles, several attempts to un-do buttons, a ... | 12 | 244.666667 | |
1358868241 | 1358916723 | null | t5_2to41 | 16 | [deleted]: TIFU by pissing in my friend's cologne.
I'm in Highschool, and the student council holds one of those student dances. Pretty normal at this point right? It gets better.
A group of friends wanted to go to my house and use my car since I live close to the venue. It's quite a formal event, so some of them decid... | 5 | 3.2 | |
1358869193 | 1358943127 | null | t5_2to41 | 235 | caughtoffside: TIFU when I attempted to compliment a co-worker.
A new lady joined our team at work a week ago. She'd been nervous and reserved all along, so we decided to take her out for a team lunch and get her acquainted with everyone else in a relaxed setting.
This plan didn't seem to be working as she hardly spok... | 7 | 33.571429 | |
1358883479 | 1358884352 | null | t5_2to41 | 105 | SasoDuck: TIFU by buying an onion.... five months ago.
To be brief: last September, I bought an onion with the intention of using it in a batch of chili. I ended up never using the onion in the chili (mainly due to laziness-- I didn't want to cut anymore goddamn vegetables), and it migrated to the back-end of my panty.... | 6 | 17.5 | |
1358883291 | 1358908291 | null | t5_2to41 | 46 | TheGreatAntlers: TIFU and pantsed myself in the schools hallway
So there I was,walking down the hall and needed to check my bag, so I slung it across my shoulder and *SHWOOP* the bag caught my keys on my s-clip and my pants were down. In shock i tripped over myself. Just as I was about to fix my pants the classes got o... | 11 | 4.181818 | |
1358899160 | 1359085075 | null | t5_2to41 | 3,132 | Thatfatcat: TIFU by using porn to attempt to play a prank on my little brother.
(About six months ago) So one day my brother was playing music from his iPhone in his car while driving with our friends, and thought that it might be funny to put porn audio onto his iPhone in the music section, and maybe if I'm lucky, whi... | 12 | 261 | |
1358901036 | 1359529292 | null | t5_2to41 | 217 | i-like-robots: TIFU by asking my professor if he likes it rough
3D modeling class, I'm trying to model hair and finding it difficult. I sort of haphazardly etch grooves and peaks to simulate strands, and it's working okay, but it's got a really sharp look to it. When I try to smooth it out, though, it doesn't really lo... | 3 | 72.333333 | |
1358893042 | 1359426843 | null | t5_2to41 | 33 | lenswipe: TIFU: Paying for pizza
I drew £10 out of the ATM this evening to pay for my half of the pizza. I then proceeded to take my card from the ATM and leave the £10. When I got back it was gone and I had to draw another £10 to pay for the pizza.
TIFU
tl;dr: I spend 4 years at university and I can't even operate a... | 17 | 1.941176 | |
1358900381 | 1358977157 | null | t5_2to41 | 22 | ch00f: TIFU by having my watch set wrong on a date
So this didn't actually happen today, but a recent thread made me remember it.
So I lived in Providence, RI for a year and was going to meet someone in Boston for a date which is an hour away by train. After peak hours, you're allowed to take your bike on the commuter... | 3 | 7.333333 | |
1358906649 | 1655376393 | null | t5_2to41 | 18 | Alma_Negra: TIFU by blowing 2k on baccarat today, 7k since Dec. 22nd.
Backstory: I'm a 23 year old semi-pro poker player. I also work a job which nets me about 50-55k annually at a nearby casino. Unfortunatly, last year I was practically forced to live check to check to pay for a bunch of things and support my mom + si... | 8 | 2.25 | |
1358909620 | 1358952228 | null | t5_2to41 | 107 | EussyPeater: Tifu by sharting on my hand, pants, and jacket
Well it all started last night when I decided to eat 2 slices of pizza, hot wings and 4 caprisuns. I went to sleep not even ten minutes after. In the morning I did my daily routine. Shower, eat and go. I ate 2 hot pocket sideshots and chugged half a gallon of ... | 7 | 15.285714 | |
1358915553 | 1362125995 | null | t5_2to41 | 23 | Adamskinater: Today I fucked up by accidentally drinking one of those Starbucks canned doubleshots of espresso at 11:30 PM
Went to the fridge, got it to put next to my bed to chug tomorrow morning. Was watching a movie, got way into the movie, reached over for a drink and killed the can without meaning too.
It's gon... | 4 | 5.75 | |
1358916911 | 1358976095 | null | t5_2to41 | 32 | PawrStark: TIFU by getting the Q-tip fluff stuck deep in my ear.
So i woke up from a nap to do my essay for class( I'm a college student) and i decided to cleaned my ear with a q-tip, yeah sounds all easy and nice right? WRONG, the fluffy part of the q-tip got stuck in my ear, very far in my ear, and it took about 45 m... | 5 | 6.4 | |
1358918685 | 1359235819 | null | t5_2to41 | 125 | PetsAreSmart: TIFU by being too aggressive with my SO's penis...thermometer-style
Okay...my SO and I are into *some* kinky stuff. I more than he. But, tonight he wanted his kinkiest fetish - metal thermometer in the ol' pee-hole.
I don't mind this at all - in fact I LOVE pleasuring him in this way. It's the one way t... | 7 | 17.857143 | |
1358928602 | 1360456885 | null | t5_2to41 | 97 | Zpheldin: TIFU by choking my bf...(NSFW)
...on my cock. Pushed just a little too far and he choked, reflexively biting down and causing immense pain to my little guy. To make matters worse, I looked down about a minute later to find that I was now bleeding. From the inside. It stopped after a few minutes, but needless ... | 10 | 9.7 | |
1358963199 | 1358964459 | null | t5_2to41 | 83 | PovertyPoint: TIFU by Waking Up, Getting Dressed and Sleeping on the Couch for an Hour.
I got up for my classes today, got dressed, brushed my teeth, went to the bathroom. Ya know, morning stuff. This was at 8 in the morning, and my class is at 10. It also takes an hour to get to my campus.
Once I had gotten all my th... | 5 | 16.6 | |
1358964423 | 1359158575 | null | t5_2to41 | 28 | 150crawfish: TIFU by planning ahead.
Last night I packed up my headphones in my backpack for classes the next day, as i always forget them at home and sit on campus in silence. well, life planned otherwise. I did bring them with me, but upon moving them to my pocket they fell on the ground in the case they came in (not... | 5 | 5.6 | |
1358969529 | 1359185178 | null | t5_2to41 | 252 | warpaint: TIFU by leaving my laptop on a table at starbucks while going to the restroom.
Laptop + backpack stolen. ):
[deleted]: Tifu by being stupid
warpaint: yeah man. what the FUCK is wrong with me
[deleted]: Just saying, that's like buying a brand new Audi, parking it at a highschool with the door open and keys i... | 7 | 36 | |
1358969641 | 1359603204 | null | t5_2to41 | 52 | pelzasaurusrex: TIFU, I sent my contact information on Craigslist without talking to the person first.
I feel so stupid!
I sent an email regarding a receptionist position in LA and wasn't thinking and attached my resume which has my address and phone number on it. Does anyone have any suggestions on going about this? ... | 26 | 2 | |
1358976198 | 1359085520 | null | t5_2to41 | 911 | savrow: Tifu by making my little sister clean up my giant turd
This actually happened a few years ago, but I still feel bad.
I got locked out of my house and had to shit extremely bad, so I climbed over the fence and dropped a huge log right on my backyard with my dog staring at me the whole time. Then I carefully pu... | 11 | 82.818182 | |
1358978541 | 1359051454 | null | t5_2to41 | 253 | illdrawyourface: TIFU and waited too long to pee.
Fuck it, no throwaway.
Just got back from work and literally sprinted into the bathroom. Sat down to pee and I had to go so bad that the stream of pee went right out of the space between the seat and the bowl. It sprayed all over my underwear, pants, and somehow ricoc... | 10 | 25.3 | |
1358976272 | 1358990539 | null | t5_2to41 | 14 | YesThisIsHuman: TIFU by losing my peace of mind
I blame you TIFU, I blame you. I used to be able to fart wantonly with nary a care in the world, but thanks to your particular brand of poison, I no longer trust my bowels. I've never been one to have issues, but I'm paranoid.
*THANKS*, OBAMA!
Fart_Gambler: Gotta' know w... | 3 | 4.666667 | |
1358990979 | 1359054260 | null | t5_2to41 | 507 | Powerpython: TIFU by eating Tacobell before swing dancing
This happened a few nights ago, and I'm still trying to recuperate. So my friends and I had been planning this night several weeks prior and we were all really looking forward to it. But this night meant something more to me; the girl I've been interested in was... | 7 | 72.428571 | |
1358991898 | 1359178872 | null | t5_2to41 | 74 | gabrieloratorian: TIFU by opening a bottle of super glue with my mouth.
So my hands were wet and the rigged cap of the super glue bottle would not cooperate me. I decided that biting down on the cap and twisting it would do it justice.
I of course was wrong.
I felt the cap twist and it felt so good, until I tasted t... | 3 | 24.666667 | |
1358993023 | 1358996027 | null | t5_2to41 | 8 | AllisGreat: TIFU and held onto jalapeno peppers for too long
Okay, so I was making some fajitas for supper. I decided to add some jalapeno peppers today and try it. I was taking out the seeds in the pepper and everything went fine, the fajitas tasted delicious.
Except, now my fingers and BURNING! It's been like this... | 3 | 2.666667 | |
1358995994 | 1359148472 | null | t5_2to41 | 6 | Drylanders: TIFU forgot my gloves in negative 40 weather
So, reddit today I fucked up bad. It was really cold outside and when I went to go buy lunch and I had my hands in my pockets where they were cozy and warm. Of course on the way back home I had to carry my food with one hand and like the dumbass I am I forgot my ... | 6 | 1 | |
1359000536 | 1359052807 | null | t5_2to41 | 144 | goldfish_herder: TIFU and decided to remove my own ingrown toenail.
Little bit of backstory. For the past few months, I have been suffering with severe ingrown toenails on my left and right big toes (due to being a compulsive picker). The left one was recently removed medically, but the one on the right "wasnt causing ... | 7 | 20.571429 | |
1359026888 | 1359053818 | null | t5_2to41 | 181 | igabby1234: TIFU by accidentally taking 6 shots of whiskey in 5 minutes.
I'm 4'11 and 100 lbs. Have you ever heard of a Power Hour? Of course you have, you're the internet. My friends are participating in the time honored tradition of taking 60 shots of beer in an hour. I hadn't planned to drink at all. Until my drunke... | 11 | 16.454545 | |
1359041066 | 1359058520 | null | t5_2to41 | 4 | superabraham314: TIFU the most amazing girl
I just want to vent. I don't care if anybody reads this, and I haven't told anybody because I don't want to burden them with my emotional BS. I don't care if she ever sees this. She'll know it's her, but it won't matter; she still won't talk to me. Neither will any of her fri... | 4 | 1 |
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