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1367600018 | 1367631513 | null | t5_2to41 | 20 | thisnameishard: TIFU flushing a tampon at a guy's house
So last night I was at a guy friend's house. We were drinking a few beers....I was drunk. (He was not drunk, hadn't had as much as me)
I got up to go to the bathroom, thought I just had to pee. Once sitting on the toilet I decided I had to poop; being drunk, I thought it was a *great* idea to poo. Because the string of my tampon got a little "dirty", I took it out. He didn't have a trashcan in there, so I dropped it in the toilet and flushed.
I quickly discovered the water was not going down, and was indeed filling the bowl and going all over the floor. In my drunken state, I just stared at the overflowing toilet as the shit water gathered around my feet. I came out and told him I need a plunger, that the toilet wasn't flushing.
He ran to turn off the water to the toilet; I plunged and the water went down.
I was so embarrassed I just went to play xbox while he said "I'm going to light a candle" and turned the bathroom fan on (obviously, it smelled like shit).
His drunk roommate came out and made a scene that it smelled and that I'd made a huge mess. They had to get a Shop Vac to clean up the water; they went to Walmart (at 1am, after I'd left) to buy new power cords for (some machines, I'm not sure what) in the room next to the bathroom, since I'd flooded that room too.
**TL;DR**: Flushed a tampon after shitting (at a guy's house); flooded two rooms and caused damage.
swordfishtrombonez: You should do some kind of nice gesture to make up for it . For example, can you cook? Make them an awesome meal.
Biggie313: sechs would be a better otption
[deleted]: I wouldn't sleep with this girl if this was at my house.
| 4 | 5 | |
1367600936 | 1367633188 | null | t5_2to41 | 3 | Throwthatshitaway101: TIFU: degrading my friend irreparably
This wasnt today, but I finally made a throw away, and I feel like unloading all my fuck ups.
I was engaged in a sexual relationship with a girl when she ended it. I pushed and pushed for weeks to continue intercourse. Eventually, after some complaints she made about money, I offered to fill up her gas tank for sex. She agreed and she continued for a couple weeks prostituing herself for other monetary gains. She fixed her house up. For her car fixed. She even got a dishwasher. Eventually she ended it.
I used to think of myself as a moral being. A man driven by inner conscious to do what is right. I gave her an option that equated sex to monetary gain and I don't think I can live with myself for it. I can't stand the thought of my sexual desires outweighing my propensity for human decency. I have mentioned this to my therapist. He's helping me work on it, but I can find no justification for the weakness of my flesh. "You're only human, and a man at that." But I should be stronger, or at least strong enough to put the people I care about before my sexual desires. She needed help afterwards as well, although she's always needed it. It makes me disgusting with myself, along with the other thread I posted today. My sexual desires are shameful and stronger than my will, and I want that to change. Soon.
jaketoday: You are correct when you state that your sexual desires are shameful. I suggest you continue with the counselling, hopefully it helps. You are currently a menace to women.
Throwthatshitaway101: why are you here again. you are worse than me because you make me want to kill people.... where do you live again?
jaketoday: You choose to be who you are. Your foul language is a mere reflection of your depravity. You need help. Don't blame me for your choices.
Throwthatshitaway101: you're a straight up tool.
ashgtm1204: *Straight up troll. FTFY.
| 6 | 0.5 | |
1367609544 | 1367648534 | null | t5_2to41 | 12 | permanent_thr0waway: hi tifu, I just fucked one of my employees while drunk, I work with my girlfriend.
Non even the first time. I am scum. This this is going to blow up so hard, and I don't know how to get out. HELP!
MrPoliceGaming: I dont want to be 'that guy' but maybe showing some self control in the beginning would have helped.
Look, you want to cheat that's fine (it's not my thing but I'm not god I can't judge you) but you need to follow the rules man. Don't cheat with someone your partner knows (obvious), don't cheat with someone you work with (your chick will get suspicious when you never invite her to work functions) and don't cheat in your house (those bobby pin hair things will be the end of you).
There are a lot more but I don't want to overwhelm you.
prussianiron: Don't give people advice, cheating is morally reprehensible for multiple reasons, not the least of which being that you completely betray the trust of your partner. There is never a good excuse for cheating.
OP said that a part of it was that he hadn't had sex with his girl in over a month. Some would say this gives justification. No, that indicates that there is a serious problem in the relationship, and if that's the case then OP needs to either try to fix it, or leave. Not cheat. I hate the expression because I find it quite silly, but *you can't have your cake and eat it too*. You don't get to choose to be with one person and fuck another.
MrPoliceGaming: As I said it's not my thing but I dont get on my soapbox for shit like this.
When people like you have an extreme reaction to shit like this you dont leave yourself room to go anywhere for actual crimes so you end up treating murderes the same if not better than you treat cheaters.... ridiculous.
prussianiron: That's a bit of an overreaction, it's not like I told the guy to go die. I don't see how in any way any of what I said was treating him anywhere close to a murderer.
It is definitely serious, but it's not as if I implied that cheaters are equivalent to murderers or anything close.
MrPoliceGaming: You didn't no but unfortunately society as a whole kind of does.
Maybe I am overacting a little but that's only because I get sick of seeing people cheating as an excuse to commit a crime against them. He cheated so I shot him, he cheated so I cut of his dick, he cheated so I trashed his house, he cheated so I got my brother to bash him.
Sticking your dick in some strange does not make you a criminal it also doesn't give anyone the right to do any of the abovementioned / anything at all except leave.
prussianiron: Oh no I completely agree, cheating does not warrant violence or any of the crazy shit that people do (like, well, murder). I could see why someone would maybe hit the person when they find out that they had cheated, but other than in that moment of blind anger, it's not excusable.
I wouldn't say that society as a whole treats it that badly, in fact I think it's more accepted as normal now by a lot of people, which is really sad.
But, it is still really really fucked up and the other person deserves to know how much of a shitbag you are if you do.
MrPoliceGaming: Ok maybe you can clear this up for me.
What is so bad about cheating. Like having an affair is horrendous I am right there with you. It's ongoing which implies an emotional attachment that shouldn't be there.
But having a once of thing with someone just for the sex..... what makes that infinitely worse than masturbating? Sure there is another person there helping you get off but you could say the same about porn. I just don't get why it is SO bad.
prussianiron: >What is so bad about cheating
.-. really?
Besides blatant violation of trust? A large part of a monogamous relationship is having *one* partner. Not having one primary partner, and then having sex for varying amounts of times with one or more other partners. If you have an understanding that it's an open relationship, then it wouldn't be cheating because you both know that you are each allowed to have sex with other people.
There's a huge component of it that isn't really explainable so easily though, it is certainly a very emotionally damaging thing. If you really can't see that, then...well...I can't even.
MrPoliceGaming: I understand that it hurts peoples feelings and that's enough of a reason for me not to do it.
And if you ever quote me out of context again I will guy you like a fish and fuck your intestines
| 10 | 1.2 | |
1367612581 | 1367680998 | null | t5_2to41 | 311 | cain179: TIFU by forgetting the difference between porn and reality.
I was on a lunch date earlier today with a woman I really like and she got frisky with me and decided to give me a blow-job. Near the end I got stupid and decided that obviously she wanted me to come on her face so that's what I did all porn-style (I pulled out then "aimed" at her face). Well some of it got in her eyes and she freaked out. I tried apologizing but she just kept calling me a bastard and wouldn't let me help her clean it off.
She has not texted me back since then.
BehindtheHype: Yea. That was stupid as fuck, sorry. Man, she had to deal with getting a nut to the face at lunch time, that's gotta ruins someone's day if they weren't into it haha.
I love that you aimed.
[deleted]: How many points do you think his hit counted for?
snakehandler: 69
| 4 | 77.75 | |
1367614418 | 1368738905 | null | t5_2to41 | 46 | jaketoday: TIFU By hitting a cat with my car and losing him twenty miles away.
I was driving to work and I hit a cat with my car. I stop to check to see if he is dead, he is not. So I get a box from my car and place him in the box and put him in the back seat.
I phone around and find the only vet clinic open is twenty miles away in the next town. I decide I may as well take the cat there in hopes they can help the little fellow out.
I drive to the clinic and go around and open the passenger door of my car to get the box with the cat in it out.The cat then suddenly comes to life and bolts out of the car.
He then takes off into a heavily wooded park and completely disappeared. I tried in vain to find him but had no luck. After about an hour I gave up and went to work.
CurvesnCurls: It's commendable that you done your best to help, unlike a lot of people who would just carry on going.
jaketoday: Thank you. I feel bad that I hit it and then relocated it to a different town. I wish it had turned out differently.
CurvesnCurls: I understand, I would feel the same. You can't do anything about it now, but what's important is that you care, you're remorseful and you tried your very best <3
jaketoday: Thank you.
CurvesnCurls: My pleasure /hug/
| 6 | 7.666667 | |
1367605279 | 1367649887 | null | t5_2to41 | 77 | [deleted]: tifu by going into the wrong apartment
For the past month my roommate has been begging me to let her get a dog for the apartment (We live on the second floor). I have told her over and over the answer is NO! We both know that we don’t have the time for a puppy (Hell, we can barely take care of those DAMN DIRTY DISHES!). Anyways, the day before my fuck up, my roommate (will call her Destiny) kept showing me this little Yorkie dog she wanted. I kept telling her NO, but the look in her eyes seemed desperate for a puppy.
So yesterday I parked in my apartments underground garage (most of the time I park in the above ground section) and I’m not paying any attention because I’m talking on the phone. I get out of my car, walk up a flight of stairs (thinking I’m on the second floor) and go into what I think is my apartment. When I open the door a small dog begins to bark; I’m not thinking and start walking to the kitchen screaming “GOD DAMNIT DESTINY, I TOLD YOU NO FUCKIN DOGS!!!” When I get to the kitchen, there is this small young woman staring at me all freaked out. I hang up the phone and run out the door. Tifu by going into my 1st floor neighbors apartment.
.
BehindtheHype: Man, I really wish this story ended with "and then she blew me 'cause she was so turned on by how alpha I was."
Second place would have been people were fucking.
Third place would have been she was naked.
Fourth place would have been she was really hot.
Fifth place would have been you scared her so much she cried.
[deleted]: And in dead last place: this comment.
BehindtheHype: Buuuuuurrrnnnnn
| 4 | 19.25 | |
1367616748 | 1367629920 | null | t5_2to41 | 57 | MacnCheese1: TIFU by performing fellatio on a banana.
This was last year when I was a junior in high school.
First, I'm openly gay and was before the "incident".
Basically what happened is that I was a little tipsy (couple glasses of wine) one night, alone, and flirting with a friend over skype. For some reason the connection kept going in and out, so we decided to log out and simply use facebook. Things got sexual really quick, and basically I was bragging about how I can deepthroat so easily because I basically have no gag reflex. So, one thing lead to another, and I decided to go down stairs and get one of those jumbo bananas from our fruit basket, little did I know that this would be one of the worst decisions in my relatively boring life. I clicked record and went at it, got it basically all the way down to the base of the banana and pulled it out. In my inebriated state I thought I was some fucking sexgod. He said it was hot, but then said he was going to sleep. Not feeling like I had an adequate amount of attention for my amazing oral skills, I sent it to one of my best girlfriends. Who preceded to post about it in my groups groupchat. That was Saturday, come Monday morning I would realize the error of my ways, and would be reminded day and day out for the rest of the year.
I get to school pretty early, and I immediately notice glances and laughs. Not thinking much of it- it is a small conservative catholic high school, and my sexuality was always the subject of some level of "controversy"- I went into my first period class and sat down. Immediately the redneck squad came over to me, lined up at my desk, with shit eating complacent grins. And all start handing me bananas. One by One, until my desk was covered in bananas.
I knew what it was about, and I just slowly collected myself and laughed, acting as if I didn't know what they were on about. I knew; a mixture of anger and horror was building up inside. For the next 3 periods, I was called "banana boy" at least 30 times. One boy got a bit more creative and called me "Bananathroat", which I preferred a little, banana boy is fucking lame. I even had the school's evangelical minister in training come up to me and pray that homo-demonic spirits inside of me leave. Needless to say I had one of the worst days of my high school career. I finally get to lunch and immediately start screaming at my friend. Basically, and unfairly, blaming her for my own stupidity. I shouldn't of sent something to her that personal. She told me that all she did is tell our friends and no one else. I believed her, and knew there must have been a snake in the grass.
I later found out that it was one of my other really good friends; she was trying to get in a football player's pants. It turns out that I had left my facebook open at her house, and she had simply never logged off. She found the video, put Celine Dion's version of "all by myself" over it, and then preceded to send it out just about everyone. Just because she wanted attention from the "popular" football player.
That entire year was an endless reminder of the "incident":
1)
I had my tires slashed and atleast 30 bananas smeared all over my car.
2)
I had an old teacher awkwardly comfort me for what "she heard had happened".
3)
This random McDonald's drive-thru attendant was all like, "omg it's BANANANA BOY!!!!". She called all the staff over and wanted me to sign a banana for free food. That is also when I realized that the entire situation had spread to the other two high schools in town.
4)
I found banana's in my locker basically every week until the year ended.
Even this year, the school "comedian" basically spent half his talent show set talking about "Jess and fruit"
Thankfully, I'm finally free and off to college after this horrible ordeal. Though, I still find myself chuckling and a little more confident after the whole thing.
OT: I usually pre-write my shit, but this all came out like word vomit. Excuse any grammatical errors or mistakes. It's the first time I have ever written in detail about it.
BehindtheHype: That really sucks, man. I hope you defriended the cunt that passed the video along.
You are a lot more patient than me, I would have transferred schools if it was literally every day and having my tires slashed. Well, I probably would have also notated each person and planned revenge on all of them. You can still do this, and I recommend it. Revenge is a dish best served cold, so maybe sit on it for at least another two years, then get these motherfuckers back.
MacnCheese1: I know that in her heart she feels really terrible about the whole thing. I think admitting guilt even to herself if something she is incapable of doing. I forgave her; we're still "friends", but it will never feel the same.
BehindtheHype: Definite revenge candidate.
| 4 | 14.25 | |
1367626441 | 1367638566 | null | t5_2to41 | 26 | gugland: TIFU by losing the TP
I had cause to use the restroom at work today. I did my business, wiped, then turned to flush, and as I'm sure most people do, looked in the bowl. No toilet paper. Wtf? Where is it? Under the seat? No. In the trashcan? No. In my pantleg? Nope. I never did find it. I hope none of my coworkers do.
strickismyname: You finished the day off with a shitty booty didn't you?
gugland: Eww, no. I handled my business, I just lost the evidence, so to speak.
| 3 | 8.666667 | |
1367625021 | 1367633287 | null | t5_2to41 | 10 | angelfromthecoast: TIFU by taking a piss at lunch.
Okay to start this off I have a lot of trouble with public bathrooms. I don't really have a way of explaining why but I get really nervous in them and I cannot use them when someone else is in one. It has taken me an entire school year just to get used to this one bathroom that I always use during lunch. Well today, after finishing my lunch, I decide to stop by the ol' john and go pee.
I walked in, made sure no one was there, and went to my trusty stall that has rarely let me down. As I'm peeing, I feel something pull at my shirt. I brush it off as nothing.
Then I feel something crawl across my neck.
As the thoughts of "OH FUCK" race across my mind, I lift one hand to smack the shit out of what was on me.
It was a stinkbug. I got its stink-juices all over my neck and hand. Yeah...
I immediately flip the fuck out and put my appendage back in my pants (I even got a little bit of piss in my pants. Yay.) and run to the sink. I scrub and scrub and scrub my hands and neck until my neck begins to start burning. I fast-walk back into the cafeteria, still freaking out, and ask my friends if there's anything on my neck. They ask why and as I explain to them they all start laughing (to be honest this is pretty funny now that I look back) and tell me that no, nothing is on my neck, but they can sure smell the stink-juices. Thank god for my good friend who let me use her perfumey lotion to put on my neck and hands for the rest of the day. Annndddd to top all that off, it turns out that stinkbug juices irritate the skin, and now my neck has been burning for a couple of hours. Oh and all of that time spent getting used to that bathroom? Time to start over.
As soon as I got home I jumped in the shower and scrubbed my neck some more. I am now typing this from the comforts of my room, feeling pretty clean and all-around okay. All is well (besides the burning neck but I'm gonna stop bitching about that).
TL;DR - A stinkbug landed on my neck while I was peeing, I smashed it with my hand, and the juices have made my neck burn.
[deleted]: Haha so does this mean you are actually going to wash your pants this week?? ;p
NigbarJalad: Don't be a bully Julia
| 3 | 3.333333 | |
1367624220 | 1367738388 | null | t5_2to41 | 22 | unhappyworke: TIFU by looking sad at work
so it was the later hours and our shift was just about to end when a workmate comes up and asks me if the others are bothering me, and i answer yes since i think he isn't serious... but he was and he started to talk about how much he doesn't like that i get joked around with (witch I'm totally OK with) and how bad the work-atmosphere is compared to other places he has been, so we talk a bit about it and from what i i can tell he would like to tell them to fuck and get away from him...
Fast forward one hour and I'm in the car on my way home and i get a phone call from the work-leader who told me he had with the guy from before that i was tired of their crap and was done being bullied... and this was not how i expected it to be so now there is a shitstorm brewing and i fear for the one who was "protecting" me will get shit for this and worst case loose his work...
now all day i try to look happy since bad shit happens otherwise
TLDR: if i look sad at work shit happens
NigbarJalad: lolenglishishard
[deleted]: Lol50%ofredditorsaren'tAmericansyoudouche
NigbarJalad: becauseamericaistheonlyplaceenglishisspoken
[deleted]: Out of 195 nations, only 52 are officially English speaking.
NigbarJalad: And?
[deleted]: Never mind, if you can't put that and your comment together then for you, thinking is hard.
NigbarJalad: >becauseamericaistheonlyplaceenglishisspoken
Sarcasm.
>Out of 195 nations, only 52 are officially English speaking.
Proves my point that English is spoken all over the world.
[deleted]: 52/195=0.26
I do believe your math is wrong.
NigbarJalad: Yea ok
rnsym: douche
NigbarJalad: Have an upvote, friend.
| 12 | 1.833333 | |
1367631583 | 1367675643 | null | t5_2to41 | 1 | rikki_tikki_timmy: TIFU by making a joke about a blind girl.
There is a blind girl in my grade, and the guy she is dating is in one of my classes. He had been suspiciously absent for a little while, and a friend of mine had asked where he was at. "He's probably seeing his girlfriend," responded a fellow, to which I replied, "She's definitely not seeing him."
Username986: At what point did you think this story belonged here?
rikki_tikki_timmy: Alright, guys. I see that this wasn't the the best place to post this. I apologize if I wasted your time
| 3 | 0.333333 | |
1367635665 | 1367687551 | null | t5_2to41 | 247 | Dathrowawayoutside: TIFU by dropping a tampon
Throwaway because this is disgusting and I'm still a little scarred. Today I was in the [public] bathroom and was changing lady products like normal. Then somehow I managed to not only drop the used tampon I was holding, but *fling* it on the floor where it rolled into the adjacent stall (that someone was using) before I could pick it up. At that point I was terrified that I'd be identified so I finished up and ran out of the bathroom faster than a hungry cat who had just heard a can open.
[deleted]: I don't believe I've heard the use of the words "tampon and hungry" in the same story...
bum-off: You have obviously never been around vampires then.
GrassChick: Or Giovanna Plowman.
Beartow: I still retch a little thinking about it. I don't even know the lass's name, but who else can we be talking about in a tampon eating discussion?
GrassChick: She is indeed the one I was referring to.
| 6 | 41.166667 | |
1367655218 | 1367723793 | null | t5_2to41 | 230 | samba17: TIFU by taking a vyvance
Im in high school and im a stupid fucking teenager. My friend gave me a 70mg vyvance and told me to take it if i ever needed to cram for a test. So naturally i take it at around 6 pm the night before the SAT's. If you have ever take vyvance or adderal or any drug like that you know my folly. I cannot sleep, i have been tossing and turning in bed since 10:30 pm. It is currently 4:11 am and i haven't slept a wink. I can only hope to god that it doesn't wear off during the exam.
Update: I got ready in the morning and avoided orange juice for breakfast, had a bagel and eggs. got 3 chocolate bars at CVS, then i blasted killing in the name of be Rage Against the Machine all the way to school. I didn't crash during the test, which was super loose butt hole but i feel confident, and i rode the sugar high the entire time.
eyesareitchy: dafuq are you trying to study for the SAT anyways...
arghdos: I know, it's only some silly test that controls exactly what Universities you can get into, and therefore has a disproportionate effect on the entire rest of your life? Why study right?
eyesareitchy: except that its like...all general knowledge stuff
and its easy
fuckfuckfuckSHIT: So whad you get then?
Baconated_Kayos: Whad isn't a word. Obviously you scored low on your SATs
fuckfuckfuckSHIT: I see, so you didn't do well huh?
Also, before correcting me maybe you should take a look at what's wrong with your comment first.
Baconated_Kayos: Lol ok kiddo. If you wanna know, I scored a 760 verbal and 680 math out of a max 1600 combined. Dont you feel silly now?
fuckfuckfuckSHIT: Not really, no. People who are so pedantic and rude are the ones to make fools of themselves.
| 9 | 25.555556 | |
1367683199 | 1367747185 | null | t5_2to41 | 1,379 | hawkinator: TIFU by being a dumb shit and overloading on poop facilitators
Oh. My. God. This is fucking awful.
So brief background: I've been on adderall for a while, right? Well the loveliest of side effects is that it makes your shit set up camp and just chill in your intestines.
Technically you could say "yesterday I fucked up", but it is today that I am reaping the repercussions of my actions. So basically I hadn't pooped in almost a week. Bad news bears, I thought. So around 2PM I decided to take a single extra-strength laxative to kick down the doors and do some spring cleaning. No biggie. I do this sometimes. It usually results in a leisurely 30 minute session of poop just easily coming out of me like frozen yogurt.
Naturally, later, I got hungry for dinner. Being the laziest fucking hambeast there is, I reached for something quick, disregarding my decision earlier. What I grabbed was my industrial size box of Fiber One bars, you know the kind you can get at bulk stores and could probably sustain a third world country for a day.
So I sat myself down at my desk and resumed doing some college shit. I had my delicious Fiber One bars, of which I thought would be a good thing if I brought the entire box with me, and my glass of chocolate milk. Now I'm lactose intolerant, but it's usually ok if I just drink a glass and be careful about what I eat the rest of the day. Being the dumb fuck that I am and not connecting all of these things, I lost track of all time and things and before I knew it I had downed 10 of those fuckers and my full glass of milk. Ain't no thang, right? Wrong.
By 10 pm the gurgles started. I just thought nothing of it and continued working. Then the farts came like the fucking Valkyrie. At first it was just one whisper-thin fart every 15 minutes or so. Soon, it escalated to some sort of anal rapture. My asshole was playing the 1812 overture in F minor. I swear to god I think I ripped my sphincter.
I went to bed around 5AM and actually managed to fall asleep. At roughly 6 AM I was jostled awake by a fierce noise that I couldn't pinpoint the origin of. Then it happened. The farts had gotten worse and now sounded like Chewbacca deepthroating a burrito. It was terrible. My entire abdomen was cramping. Then the SMELL. It crawled through the air, something like a unique septic odor, like shit mixed with dead and decaying animals.
This lasted for a few more hours. Every two minutes I'd cramp up, then release the tension in the form of severe anal rot. 10:30 comes around and around that time I was going to take another rip when I realized there was something sinister behind it. I am not athletic, but I may as well been bred with Kenyans because I fucking Usain Bolted it to the toilet.
Taking my place, the next thing I heard was a slight noise piercing the air, somewhat of a high pitched squeak, then immediately followed by the most low and rumbling thunderous sound. Then the shit of a lifetime. The kind of shit that makes people stop believing in god. It was like I gave birth via my rectum.
So now it's almost noon and I'm sitting on the toilet typing this on my phone between anal hiccups from hell, since between that first gastric giant breaking the seal and now, it's been like my asshole is just puking water. I'm hunched over from the pressure of gas on my insides. It feels like that thing from Alien is trying to claw its way out of my stomach and its screams are escaping by means of fart. I am a dumb bitch.
TL;DR- If I die tonight there's an 80% chance it's due to something shit related.
Edit: [/u/Shadekitty](http://www.reddit.com/user/shadekitty) decided to [narrate](https://soundcloud.com/rac91790/the-poop-delusion) my shitty situation. Hilarious.
Edit 2: Thank you, random user, for the reddit gold. It does my heart good to know you were so amused by the blunderings surrounding my anal apocalypse. My next shit storm will be in your honor.
Edit 3: the next day... OMFG I am in so much pain. It's like all my insides are in a vice. I feel like I'm trying to pass a fucking monolith.
Doctor_Beard: At least you didn't shit your pants.
adorne: I went into this thinking "please... please don't shit yourself....." good lord was I relieved that he made it to the toilet.
dottmatrix: Yup, we call that a WIN here.
mad87645: Today I won by making it to the toilet, and fucked up by destroying my bowels and my apartment with levels of methane that violate international safety regulations.
Nitrogenica: my friend's dog did an unholy fart that was quickly followed by the smoke alarm. is that even possible?
JustLetMeComment: Yes.
vinylscratchp0n3: Brb, farting on my smoke alarm.
| 8 | 172.375 | |
1367685016 | 1367691479 | null | t5_2to41 | 26 | jerendeb: TIFU by getting '7 fractured ribs'
On my bike ride Thursday night when I hit that gravel and my bike jackknives and I fall left and landed full onto my back left side! So they tell me '7 fractured ribs'. I weigh 180 + bike 17. No damage to bike. Thanks to a guy named Sid for protecting me until I could get up outta the road, Theresa the other cyclist Theresa who stopped to break my bike down for Deb's trunk & my cousin once removed, Sandy, who fetched Deb and returned to tell she was on the way. Finally the staff at Sharon Hospital who took great care of me, especially Nurse Brenda. My gratitude to my wife Deb for all you did to put up with my pain. — feeling sick. No it'a week off, Vicodin & Flexeril until I am relatively pain free.
Man_Shoes: It sounds like you are excepting a grammy
[deleted]: Accepting, but yes.
Man_Shoes: sorry.... I don't know what was wrong with me when I wrote that
[deleted]: i really just wanted others to appreciate your clever remark instead of misunderstand it, because it echoed my impression well.
Man_Shoes: Thankyou for your service to humanity.
| 6 | 4.333333 | |
1367686136 | 1367694420 | null | t5_2to41 | 62 | [deleted]: TIFU By leaving "special cookies" out... and accidently getting my sister and her friend high..
This happened yesterday, but here goes... So yesterday my mom and little sister were going to go out on a playdate. My mother decided this would be a great time for me to finish baking the dough we had left over from 4/20, since nobody would be home. A little while after they left, I went ahead and baked the cookies, leaving them on the tray to cool and let the smell dissipate. An hour or so passes, and I have forgotten about the cookies. Suddenly my dad comes running into my room saying "Fuck! They got the cookies!"...Shit. They had come home and I hadn't heard them... So I go put them away asap, but its too late. They've already had a little more than half a cookie each and are completely unaware of what's in them. My 9 year old sister and her friend... got higher than I have ever seen anybody... It was hilarious, but I feel terrible... Man, I fucked up. I just hope that I never have to tell her friend's parents...
big_arj: Getting high with your parents sounds interesting...
"Dad, can I go go upstairs and finish my homework?"
"No, finish your joint first, young man."
Ayotte: I learned my dad smokes a few years ago. He is dating my friend's mom and my friend smoked weed with him and then told me. My dad was like "Yeah I used to smoke all the time when I was married to your mom and she didn't know. It was really awkward when we found weed in your room and I had to act disappointed."
| 3 | 20.666667 | |
1367694900 | 1367779854 | null | t5_2to41 | 21 | lookofwords: TIFU by smoking on a windy day
So to start off, I am a medical cannabis patient. And because I cannot smoke by my house because my grandparents would kill me, I find time to smoke a half a mile from my house. So here I am driving along smoking a blunt, enjoying myself after a long day at work, when I decide I am finished. So I start rolling the cherry out my window. Little did I know it was hella windy and being in a moving car didn't help. So instead of my cherry blowing out the window, it blew right back in my face, my eye to be exact. Still moving, I start swatting my face, and than I realized the cherry flew into my passenger side foot well and hit some paper that I had down there, and what do you know, it caught fire. So I pulled over and spent 5 minutes stomping out a small fire in my car.
tldr; smoked a blunt while driving home, tried to put it out, started a small fire in my car. I am a dumb ass.
edit: I'm a girl. I was getting tired of being referred to as *he*
5omeguy: you can smoke weed while driving if you've got a medical smokes permit? (EU guy here with no clue about US weed laws)
[deleted]: AFAIK as long as you stay under the legal limit you can still drive. However a whole blunt is probably way past the limit.
(Don't live in medical state, but I'm pretty sure that's how it works)
binomial_surd: There is no "legal limit" for marijuana, medical or not. He shouldn't have been driving, period.
[deleted]: Watch [this](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6gLrnJxS8c) video, somewhere in there they talk about the legal limit, it's been forever since I've seen it and I don't feel like watching it again so I'm probably talking out of my ass but yes there is a legal limit I think maybe.
| 5 | 4.2 | |
1367679494 | 1367867331 | null | t5_2to41 | 102 | KantusThiss: TIFU by reading r/imgoingtohellforthis In the middle of class.
Teacher took my phone then proceeded to read from it in front of the class. The post was racist jokes and now the students think I'm a douche. Life is great curriculum...
Halfawake: To be fair, you were actually enjoying racist jokes.
Caristinn: You don't have to be a racist to like racist jokes.
flipshod: I'm white, and my wife is black. And we tell each other black and white racist jokes all the time.
mmmdddmmm: hold the fuck up, there are white jokes?
Caristinn: Why are redneck murder cases the hardest to solve? The DNA all matches and there's no dental records.
What do you call a white girl with a yeast infection? Crackers and cheese.
What do you call a bunch of white guys on a bench? The NBA.
mmmdddmmm: I have been on a quest to find white jokes my entire life, and have been unable to...until now. Thank you, Caristinn.
| 7 | 14.571429 | |
1367691971 | 1367768971 | null | t5_2to41 | 57 | Americandesserts: TIFU by pooping in a toilet
More like "two years ago I fucked up", in this case.
My high school was putting on a musical and I was on the crew because I wanted to participate, but don't like to sing in front of people. My job was to open and close the curtains at the appropriate times. Easy enough, and I became close friends with all the cast members. For the entire play, I sat at a small chair just behind the fully closed curtain. Behind me was the backstage room with the costume rack, sinks and mirrors, and some old lockers.
It was opening night. The show was starting in twenty minutes and the school gym was already full of people. No one was supposed to go out from behind the curtain at this point. I don't know if it was nerves or what, but my stomach started rumbling and I had to shit. I had to shit so, so badly.
I managed to hold it in for fifteen more minutes, but when everyone was preoccupied with mic checks and lighting checks and makeup, I was sitting uncomfortably in my chair, feeling like I was going to explode. I couldn't even sit properly, instead having to sit with my ass about an inch off the seat.
I knew I had to go before it was time to open the curtain for the beginning of the show. The only person not occupied was the male lead. I managed to stammer out (intimidated because he was a senior) "Is there a bathroom anywhere back here?" Wordlessly, he pointed to what I had thought was a supply closet.
It *was* the size of a supply closet, and I felt like I was getting stared down by the filthy toilet brush in the corner, but it was a toilet. I released fury from my bowels and felt sweet, sweet relief. Then I got up, wiped and flushed. I sat triumphantly back in my chair and opened the curtain.
After the first two or three songs, the director of the play, a teacher, came up to me and took me into the backstage room to go through some materials I would pass out at intermission and extra microphone tape. He saw me glancing at the bathroom and said, "Don't use that toilet, it doesn't flush right."
Puzzled, I said, "Yeah, someone told me that" because I was suddenly overcome with shame and didn't want him to know I'd used the filthy corner toilet. The play went flawlessly until intermission. I was sitting, back against the wall, with some other girls when the director stormed out.
"Who the hell used the toilet?" he said. I'd never seen him so angry. Everyone started sniggering as he repeated, "Who did it? I told you all it's broken!"
Like a wave almost, everyone got up and ran for the bathroom. I heard laughter and then someone shrieked...there was a single turd, floating in a puddle of brown shit water in the middle of the toilet. I stood there shamefully, staring at it. As I left the bathroom, I caught the male lead's eye and had no words for the expression on his face.
**TL;DR: I managed to screw up by NOT shitting myself.**
thevigg13: Neh you did fine. So some people were mad. It is not as if the director made you don a rubber glove and fish that brown bass out of there.
Americandesserts: The term "brown bass" just made my day..although if he'd known it was me he probably would've.
| 3 | 19 | |
1367699745 | 1368959698 | null | t5_2to41 | 55 | kooksies: TIFU by frying the inside of my mouth
So i was pan frying chicken breast in olive oil and butter, and boiling pasta (in a different pot). So i'm doing that thing where you scoop the frying butter over the chicken while it's, well, frying.. but then i wanted to stir my pasta, but i didnt want to stir it with a dirty spoon so i full on stuck the spoon in my mouth and just sucked it like it had soup in it. Now the inside of my lip and a bit of my cheeks are grey/white, like fried pork colour.
geological-tech: You should maybe go get that checked out, that sounds like a pretty severe burn.
kooksies: maybe :/ but it doesnt hurt, it just feels like ive got a layer over it, like rough cling film if you get me. Plus im at uni halls and havent registered to a doctor yet
CreamWafers: No pain is a worse sign than pain. You will probably be fine though; the damaged "cooked" area should peel away eventually.
kooksies: It did it peeled away after a couple of days ! Although it was quite sore where I tried to peel it before it healed
scendera: Sounds like a typical mouth burn to me, honestly. Numb at first and rough feeling, then once it starts to peel clean it gets tender for a day or two. Anywhere else on the body that'd be worrying but not so much there, IMO.
| 6 | 9.166667 | |
1367706461 | 1367727965 | null | t5_2to41 | 7 | notatallcorrect: TIFU by using the same username on Reddit as on other websites.
Most people use the same username across multiple sites. But this makes it much easier to find your identity by cross-referencing multiple sites. Some nutso on Reddit that wants to make your life hell can figure out who you are by e.g. finding the same username on youtube, or some jobs site, etc etc.
Not today, but several months ago. And not today I've had to create this account to prevent this from happening to me.
Mister_Derper: Great story. The Situation it put you in and the circumstances you were surrounded in were described with such vivid imagery that I felt like I was there. OP, you sure have a way of telling stories.
notatallcorrect: Heh nice - sorry but there's no story. Just, IFU and created the wrong username, realized it might bite me, created a new account before it bit me. Sorry, I don't mean to be over-dramatic.
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1367706783 | 1367779331 | null | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU by taking one of my moms SSRI pills "just to see what would happen"
So, my mom is on a ton of meds to address her plethora of health issues. One of these prescribed pills is an SSRI. She misplaces these pills frequently and last night i just so happened to come across a bottle in my room whilst cleaning. Before anyone lectures me on taking random pills, i'll have you know i googled the hell out of that thing. Because google is always right (not really). So i decide to take it, because its 11 pm and its not like im going to be doing anything outside of my room for the next 12 hours. Down the hatch it goes without food or water to accompany it. The first few hours were okay, nothing horrible besides a little mental fog. Then at 1 i decide to go to bed. At approximately 4:30 i was summoned to consciousness by a violent need to vomit. But every movement shot hot nausea through my whole body. From 4:30 to 7 i lay completely still, unable to sleep and regretting my incredibly stupid decision. Finally i fell back asleep until 11:30. Roughly twelve hours after making that stupid choice and i developed teeth chattering shakes to keep my queasiness company. All of these side effects were stated in the little Internet bits i read about the medication so im not too concerned.
So now im laying in bed still shaky and sick because im stupid.
TLDR; took moms SSRI, horrible nausea and shakes corrupt sleep and any plans for the rest of the day.
worriedmtgdork: This is what you likely had. You're lucky you didn't die. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serotonin_syndrome
I_Do_Nothing_All_day: Now im scared.
davidd00: You didn't have serotonin syndrome, don't listen to that idiot. My fucking god that was a stupid statement.
SSRIs are well known to cause nausea. Especially at high doses. They can also disrupt sleep at high doses. So what happened was pretty normal for someone who did what you did. I'm not sure what you thought would happen, but I hope this taught you not to be an idiot and take random pills.
worriedmtgdork: And you're a fucking pud. From the Wiki: " overdose of particular drugs". He overdosed.
| 5 | 1 | |
1367711450 | 1367732533 | null | t5_2to41 | 82 | scumbagskool: TIFU by house sitting and locking the keys in her house and my weed on her table
So. . .my mom and her friend left state for a week or so, I'm supposed to be house sitting the friend's house...
woke up, had a wake and bake, drank a few brews and decided to go home to shower and grab some food. . .
when I got back I realized I had locked her keys inside of her house and left my weed, pipe and beer right on the coffee table.
the alcohol doesn't matter as I'm old enough, but everyone thinks I stopped smoking weed a LONG time ago (i recently started again)
I tried finding an open window or finding a way to get in but a neighbor came over and was asking who I was. . .
ummm. . . FUCK
EDIT: I ended up being able to get in a side door using a credit card. Smoked my stuff. All is well.
Pelagine: So you let him know you're locked out and house sitting and ask if he happens to have a spare key to her house. Right?
scumbagskool: Of course. I was actually on the phone with her when he walked up. He doesn't have a key. I just know I'm going to catch a shit storm when the weed is discovered.
Pelagine: "Of course" says the guy that had a wake and bake in the house he was house sitting in, after which he left all his shit in plain sight.
Sorry, but there was really no "Of course" about it. For all Reddit knows, you could have run screaming into the midday sun when the neighbor confronted you.
Yep, you done fucked up. :-D
scumbagskool: lol, damn it that's so true. . .once again, FUCK
Pelagine: Lol. Sorry, dude. I hope you find a way. Or a way to bust in that's fixable.
You could get a locksmith to come out. They just open the door, they don't inspect the premises. You'd have to pay for it, but it might be worth it.
gbrav24: ^This
| 7 | 11.714286 | |
1367721135 | 1367794961 | null | t5_2to41 | 45 | [deleted]: TIFU by failing out of my dream school.
I coasted throughout high school giving the bare-minimum effort and somehow got into a top 50 US University. It's a public university and I'm out of state so the only way I was able to attend was by keeping a 2.8 GPA so i could keep my basically-full ride scholarship. It was easy my first 3 semesters, I partied, joined a frat, and gave the same bare-minimum effort that got me through high school. I picked a major I wasn't crazy enough, but one that would make me some money once I graduated.
Today I found out that I lost my scholarship. I can't go back unless I want to pay over $50000 of loans and I don't think I could put that on me or my parents. And now I have to drop out of the school I always wanted to go to. And my GPA isn't good enough to transfer anywhere nice, and I have no motivation to keep up with my current major. I have no idea what to do. I fucked up big time.
[deleted]: First, check with the student codes if this is okay. Normally they have to warn you before this happens, and if it says they have to and they violated this then you can go in front of the school's board of directors/president, etc. and get your money back. Or you could take them to court.
Second, talk to the Dean/President by making an appointment, get dressed up nice, apologize, kiss ass, and hope it works. At the very least try to get the debts removed.
Third, if none of this works, you can go to a community college and bring your GPA up at a low cost. You can then drop those old credits from your old college, use the new ones from the fresh start at the CC, then transfer back into a decent college. You could even keep the credits from the old college, then bring your GPA up using the new credits from the CC. Remember that you can go to a slightly worse college for your bachelor's but if you want a masters then you can go to a better college later.
IF NONE OF THAT WORKS, there's something seriously wrong, so take some time off, get your mind right. Go to the community college, get an associate's degree/vocational training and start work right away. You can make pretty good money by doing that. You can even go back to college later.
AND GET A PART-TIME OR FULL-TIME JOB NOW. YOU'RE IN A MESS AND YOU MAY NEED SOME CASH.
Hope this helps.
[deleted]: What a great reply. I can only hope for such a helpful reply if I ever post something similarly disastrous in tifu.
Edit: good on you.
[deleted]: I didn't pick up on the "public university" part. They are mandated by the US gov't to warn you first, then grant you an appeals process. Take advantage of this.
[deleted]: Great add, but I am not OP..
[deleted]: What do you mean?
[deleted]: I mean that I think that it is a useful addition, but that you did not reply to the original poster, i.e. the original question asker was not alerted to your addition and might not have noticed it.
[deleted]: It doesn't matter. If he looks then he'll see it. Otherwise I just like hearing myself talk :P
| 8 | 5.625 | |
1367724050 | 1367795038 | null | t5_2to41 | 291 | [deleted]: TIFU by going to McDonalds and ordering a Whopper
Here's what happened: Prom was tonight, I didn't have a date, and my parents wouldn't let me go because "I have to study" for the 24th night in a row (I keep track). So I got drunk as fuck on Jack Daniels, played Call of Duty, called a taxi, went to McDonalds, and- being hammered- ordered a Whopper and an ICEE.
The guy, feeling sorry for me, gave me a quarter pounder fixed up like a whopper and a frozen strawberry lemonade. What a guy...
testikron: I want to know how you're parents are so strict to not let you go to prom but not realize you got hammered and took a taxi to Mcdonalds.
rickhamilton620: I smell...a hole in the plot of this tale...:P
TTTNL: Tagged as professional hole smeller
[deleted]: I'm just going to keep reposting my explanation. They left for date night, have a lot of booze sitting around the house, and have the cars lojacked. They also have a sensor at the end of the driveway that notifies my dad via text if something crosses it. I walked around the sensor and picked the taxi up on the street.
Tb0n3: Jesus, what terrible parents. Though you don't really come across as a responsible person either. Assholes all around. Guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
You wouldn't happen to be failing would you?
[deleted]: My mom is a drug user who's sober for the first time in a decade, and my dad is an abusive dick. I'm normally responsible, but I've been going through some shit, and I really wanted to go to Prom with someone. They wanted to go with me but when my parents wouldn't let me go, she decided to go with someone else. I heard from our mutual best friend that they hooked up two nights ago, I took her aside and asked her about it and she said that she never wanted to see me again.
So I think I have the right to drink.
And in addition, I have a 4.0 GPA and got a paid summer internship in San Diego with the Department of Defense doing engineering work. So no, I'm not failing.
And you're a massive douche.
prussianiron: Shit man....that sucks all around. I can't believe you haven't completely rebelled against them yet.
[deleted]: Thanks bro. My sister did. She turned 18 in September then left almost immediately and moved in with one of her friends. She's moving into her own apartment in June; I barely see her anymore and she only visits my parents a few times a year, even though she lives in the same city as us.
As much as I don't blame her for wanting to leave, I really miss spending time with her and I wish she hadn't left because she was my one lifeline and things have gotten so much worse since she left.
I'm generally a good kid though. I don't usually break the rules or sneak out or get drunk. I'm not great at rebelling.
prussianiron: Sorry that your parents are so shitty dude :/ * pats on back *
[deleted]: It's okay man. It's more motivation to go to a college in California...*cough 43 hours away cough*
prussianiron: Didn't you say that your shitty mom is coming too?
[deleted]: Yeah. But to the internship. Not to college :P
If she came to college I'd go suck a muffler.
prussianiron: Haha! Well, at least you don't have to endure too much more then.
[deleted]: Just one more year. It still sucks though, but I can probably handle it. I just need to find a girlfriend now ROFL
| 15 | 19.4 | |
1367724883 | 1367804251 | null | t5_2to41 | 63 | swillowness: TIFU by breaking up a dog fight!
Back story: I volunteer frequently at my local humane society and have years of dog experience from there, personal pets/pet sitting, and working at a boarding facility then a vet's office. Today I was the only one walking dogs (and we have about 25), so I let them in an outside area to play and blow off some steam, which we aren't really supposed to do in the first place (FU#1).
The real problem started when I brought in Gilby to play with Detroit and Gallagher. FU#2 since Gilby had already attacked another dog earlier that week, but Gilby had seemed very interested in joining the play through the fence.
After I let him off leash, I stepped back to monitor, which is when Gilby LAUNCHED at Detroit. FU#3 was trying to pull them apart since they are both full-grown male dogs, likely mixed with pits (Gilby for sure), and although I adore pitbulls, many times even the best ones are tenacious fighters.
After FINALLY separating them by picking up Detroit by his scruff and carting him away, I tried to scoot him and Gallagher back inside through a connecting kennel, but before I could shut the door Gilby got in the kennel and started up round two. FU#4, trying to separate them AGAIN in such a small area. If I separated one, the other started up again. In the process, Gilby bit me on the arm (lovely jaw-shaped punctures and bruises there), the hands several times, and my elbow.
Eventually, I latched onto Gilby and chucked him out of the kennel, shut the door, and slammed him onto the group in a submissive position. Irony is that of all involved in the fight, I got the worst of the injuries. I found it amusing that when other volunteers asked whose blood was on my arms and hands they were aghast that all of it was mine. Gilby was spot-free; Detroit only dripped a few drops from the first round, and Gallagher, the saint he is, never got involved and was fine. They all returned to their separate kennels, and I got cleaned up and almost threw up/passed out in the process (possibly?) as a result of the insane adrenaline response. Good times.
tl,dr: Separating dog fights involve occupational hazards.
Lawyer1234: Nobody else has said it, so I figured I would. Your major fuck-up here was HOW you tried to break up the dog fight. Never go near the business end. Grab the dog's back legs and lift up, like you are giving them a "wheel-barrow." This almost always has to be done with two people though, because someone else needs to grab the other dog in the same manner, so that it doesn't just use your helpful incapacitation of the dog you grabbed as an excuse to win the fight in dramatic fashion.
I am kind of amazed they never taught you that at your shelter. One way or the other, I am happy to hear you and the pups are ok!
swillowness: I've actually never heard of that technique! The problem in my situation definitely would have been that it was only me breaking up the fight, and even if I grabbed one by the rump, the other likely would have followed or been drug along with me, so it wouldn't have worked very well. :(
Lawyer1234: /u/I_lick_llamas posted a really good video on how to do it below. It also shows how to break up a fight when you are alone. Worth a watch if you plan on continuing to work with dogs. Hope your arm heals up. Remember, ice and elevate!
| 4 | 15.75 | |
1367727425 | 1367778897 | null | t5_2to41 | 193 | xSleyah: TIFU and flunked my freshman year.
I thought I might like to study engineering so I took a lot of difficult courses this semester--a typical engineering courseload but one much harder than my first semester. I ended up getting two Fs, which will mean automatic dismissal for two semesters. My family cannot afford the extra semesters I will need to graduate so I'll have to drop out. I could have dropped a course but chose not to because I thought I could tough it out, and now it's come to bite me in the ass. In and out of my dream school in less than a year.
Update: I'm safe, guys--just probation. Thanks to all who offered advice. I'm glad I had this wake-up call so I can make sure to never be in this situation again.
neanderthalman: Engineer here - if it's truly your dream, keep at it.
If you just want a career with a damned good paycheck, then this ain't it. Get yourself a trade. As a suggestion - welder. Then get PADI certified for scuba diving.
Underwater welders can pretty much demand whatever price they want. It's obscene.
BeerPowered: Too bad all welders die a horrible and painful death.
neanderthalman: From breathing the fumes. It can be an issue.
Hard to breathe fumes when you're underwater.
BeerPowered: I heard, that underwated welding is harmful too. Nonetheless I'd like to become a welder someday. Or a cnc/laser machine operator. Maybe someday, when I'll quit my shitty job. And I'll definately take truckers courses at my local profession school, as that way I'll get a truck driving license for free, and that is pretty useful.
Too bad there are no opportunities to be an underwated welder where I'm at. Maybe one day I'll move to someplace better, as all that rain and winter got irritating.
iNathanielG5: >Too bad all welders die a horrible and painful death.
Okay..
>Nonetheless I'd like to become a welder someday.
Dude...
&#3232;\_&#3232;
BeerPowered: I've always been weird.
goofymilk: You make it sound like you try to be weird to get attention.
BeerPowered: My secret shame :(
| 9 | 21.444444 | |
1367738804 | 1367983335 | null | t5_2to41 | 37 | somehokie: TIFU and blew a tire during a designated driver shift.
After dealing with one particular pick-up, I was driving to the next and hopefully final call of the night, when I hit a pot hole. This pot hole was the holiest of hole, and bounced the light car up onto the curb, which proceeded to shred the tire down to a flat. So now here I am on a busy road at 2:00 am with a shredded tire, having to drive another half mile to the nearest allowed parking lot, as well as having to call the final riders and tell him I can't give them a ride home because of the blown tire.
It doesn't help that it was one of my fraternity brother's car, as well. So he's going to be mad in the morning.
[deleted]: Do you not know how to change a wheel?
TierOne: People always act like this is some horrible sin that makes you less of a person, perhaps not even worthy of being a mammal. How are people supposed to know this? My dad is a mechanic and he has never showed me or my 3 siblings how to do it.
[deleted]: It should be a part of passing your test.
TierOne: It should be, in my opinion. That, changing oil and checking coolant. At least in Arizona it isn't, we just have to do a three point turn and drive around the block.
[deleted]: That's the worst driving test I've ever heard of, I'm steering well clear of Arizona.
TierOne: Arizona is so great though! We have the desert and... more desert and the weather is so nice! Its only 105 degrees by the end of May! :D
[deleted]: ONLY!?
Sounds wonderful ಠ_ಠ
| 8 | 4.625 | |
1367766869 | 1371797003 | null | t5_2to41 | 94 | Sensiitivity: TIFU by trying to comply with elderly women who were breaking the rules.
So today's a great Sunday in the Northeast USA, so my father and I decided to grab our bikes and head for the bike trail on the other side of town. Supposedly, other people had the same idea, so said bike trail is jam-packed with bikers, joggers, and Sunday-strollers.
My dad and I decided that, because the place was packed, we'd take the BICYCLE-ONLY path. However, we notice a variety of people on the path, and despite a hint of agitation, we let them do their thing and go off on our way.
Now, this path has two main rules. The first one, I already shared: BICYCLES ONLY. The second one I haven't yet hit: PARTICIPANTS MUST BIKE IN A STRAIGHT LINE: NO 2X2's, etc.
While biking, we come across a group of elderly women, maybe in their late sixties, walking their pet dog (possibly a poodle, but that's redundant to the story.) So they're already breaking the first rule by WALKING on the BIKE path, but they aren't the first people we saw doing this, so we really didn't care. However, they decided that it's okay to WALK IN A 3x1 PATH THAT'S ONLY 4x1. My dad, who's ahead of me, manages to slip by on their left, despite ignoring him when he calls out "On your left!"
So I go and try to do the same, calling out "On your left!" Again, they ignore us, but it's no matter as I get around them. Despite that, I quickly try to swerve around a guy who's coming at me in full force, and while doing so, manage to sideswipe into the ditch, and wipe out on the gravel.
Blood everywhere, front part of my bike twisted around 180 degrees, my leg and face busted up, and what do I hear? "You okay?" from the guy who I tried to swerve around. Obviously, I tell him I'm fine, but it's obvious that I'm not. Meanwhile, the Grandmas Outta Hell continue their leisure stroll, not even acknowledging the fact that I just wiped out no less than 5 feet in front of them.
My dad comes back, and thankfully has some water and tissues for me to clean up (or rather, attempt to) the bloody as hell mess. You'd think I had gotten into some fight, with all the blood that was spewing out of my Road Rash cuts.
Still bleeding profusely, I ride BACK to our car (about a mile out, of course) and the two of us begin to apply some First Aid equipment to the parts (you know, stuff like band-aids and antibacterial spray.) My dad decides that I should ice my now-swollen wrist, so he goes and grabs the Instant-Ice Pack out of the first aid kit - that is, until all the ammonium nitrate decides to spew all over him, the vehicle, and his watch.
Basically, we drove back home like this: Me, covered in blood and sore as almighty hell. He becomes a snow-covered mountain, as ammonium nitrate solidifies into a white powder.
**Tl;dr: Grandmas, who are secretly First World Anarchists, cause me to wipe out off my bike and experience some hardcore Road Rash as a result of not following the rules. My dad, who tries to help me recover, becomes a jelly doughnut.**
**EDIT:** Surprisingly received Reddit Gold for this, despite the massive shithole below. Thanks, anonymous user!
meatfreeforme: Are you like 16? You're being a bitch.
Sensiitivity: Ironic, considering that they were too focused on walking their bitch to let me over.
meatfreeforme: Those bitches with their bitch made you a bitch. What a tongue twister.
RumblePakk: It's obvious that if anyone knows what it takes to be a bitch it's you meat, and according to your desperation nude posts to r/gonewild I bet you know a thing or two about "tongue twisters", however, why do you feel the need to get on here and attack this person?
meatfreeforme: I love tongue twisters, actually. Haha thanks for being so childish that you needed to seek out something from weeks ago. It made my day.
RumblePakk: I'm glad I could help. It is all about you after all.
meatfreeforme: Well duh.
RumblePakk: Well I meant it sarcastically, but ignorance sure is bliss huh?
meatfreeforme: Mine was sarcasm too, dipshit.
RumblePakk: Haha, what happened to the graceful self restraint you've been displaying? You know, you have an attractive body now but what are you gonna do in a few years when that starts to deteriorate and begins to match your personality? I'm seeing a very lonely existence... have fun with that.
meatfreeforme: If you're nice, I'm nice. As for you? I see a very lonely, lotion covered, tissue littered existence in your parents' basement. Enjoy.
RumblePakk: And by what information do you base that on lol? You're pathetic.
meatfreeforme: I'm pathetic? Sweetie, you're the one that sought me out.
RumblePakk: I wouldn't say I sought you out. I was just pointing out the irony of a bitch calling someone else a bitch. Do you think that everyone who responds to someone else's post is pathetic? I was calling you pathetic 1. for attacking tiff for no reason 2. posting nudes of yourself online for the admiration of strangers and 3. your weak reasoning skills.
meatfreeforme: This is no longer fun for me. I actually have a life, but feel free to keep responding, it'll make me laugh.
RumblePakk: Then I shall gracefully accept victory!
| 17 | 5.529412 | |
1367776808 | 1367856678 | null | t5_2to41 | 1,181 | ihearthaters: TIFU: At the chiropractor's office
I went to the chiropractor and after they are done popping your joints they hook up to these two electrode things on your lower back that shock you. The idea is to kind of half ass short circuit your nerve endings and also loosen and strengthen up the muscles. So you lay down they hook these things up. They ask you to tell them when its comfortable or not, the problem is though no matter how high you start it out at it, it doesn't feel like much 30 seconds later. So I was laying there and i got numb to it so I tried turning the thing up. There's two electrodes two knobs so I turn them both up. It seems like only one knob is controlling it, so im guessing I can only feel one of the electrodes so I turn them both up. 30 seconds later numb again so I do same thing. I do this 4 times until the point where the lights in the office are flickering my whole lower body is spasming and it feels like im gaining some sort of super power.
30 seconds later I put them both on max. There is a curtain around me so they can't see what im doing. It's extremely intense but it also feels really good. All the meanwhile i hear slight yelps from person who is laying next to me, its an older woman and im thinking "wow, your having problems with your little quarter turn? You should try this thing on the setting I have it on" so the thing beeps after 10 minutes or so because apparently in 2013 we have yet to progress the alarm system on this machine and it sounds like an egg timer goes off. So the thing bings; my time is up.
They pull back the curtain I see the older woman next to me her face is in complete agony she's complaining to the nurse about how the machine kept shocking her and getting more and more intense every 30 seconds. I immediately realize the second knob, the one I couldn't feel was going to her. I've been making this bitch next to me feel like she's in Guantanamo Bay. The nurse knows whats up because she's probably never in her life put the machine on FULL BLAST MOTHERFUCKER mode. She asks me if I was experiencing the same thing...I lie and tell her no..and now I have 6 or so more awkward sessions involving the nurse who thinks im a sadist torturing an old woman next to me.
**TLDR: I gave an old woman the shocker at the chiropractor's office.**
tetralogy: Your first fuckup may have been going to a chiropractor... they take some legitimate things from science, but also have a lot of culty stuff going on.
long_live_mcqueen: Worked in a chiro office for 3 years, can confirm. The one I worked for was not as whacky as others, but the management company was definitely a cult. I think chiropractic can be beneficial, but they think they can cure anything and that's not true.
Sifu-tz: What do they do well, and what should be avoided?
tikael: There are roughly two camps in chiropractic: Those who are physical therapists by a different name, and those who are divorced from reality. There are some people that kind of mix it, going with some of the BS and some of the actual sciency stuff but to be safe just avoid them altogether. There is nothing a chiropractor can do that a specialist MD/physical therapist can't do.
If you insist on finding a chiropractor find one that does not blame diseases on sublexations of the spine (my dad's chiropractor for example believes that misalignment of the upper spine causes bad breathe, some chiropractors have claimed that they can treat autism with spinal manipulation, and worse others insist they can cure cholic in very young children). Also avoid them if they offer secondary services like acupunture, naturopathy, homeopathy, cleanses, or other unproven "treatments" as those are red flags that they do not feel a need to use scientific evidence to treat disease.
Seaskimmer: I'm wondering about acupuncture. I'm inclined to think of it as "traditional medicine," but the experiences my friends and I have had with acupuncture are all positive.
Do you the benefits (if any) outweigh the risks?
tikael: Placebo. The only^(consistently) positive studies done on it come out of chinese journals and replications nearly always fail. It is based on an implausible premise, and carries with it some risk (needles going in too deep or causing infection).
A interesting study done in the last couple of years used toothpicks as a sham acupuncture. The study found that [both groups experienced roughly equal levels of pain relief](http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19433697?ordinalpos=1&itool=EntrezSystem2.PEntrez.Pubmed.Pubmed_ResultsPanel.Pubmed_DefaultReportPanel.Pubmed_RVDocSum). Steven Novella [wrote about this study](http://www.sciencebasedmedicine.org/index.php/acupuncture-does-not-work-for-back-pain/) in a way that is a bit friendlier to read than a science journal
A search of acupuncture on [science based medicine](http://www.sciencebasedmedicine.org/?s=acupuncture) turns up more articles than you can shake a stick at (SBM is a blog with posts from doctors of various fields, particularly doctors who make an effort to stay up to date with new medical information).
Seaskimmer: Thanks! Even if it is a placebo, I think I might keep going since I find my body just feels good after acupuncture. Do the benefits experienced from the placebo effect outweigh the potential risks?
tikael: As I said, there is a risk of infection because there is a breaking of the skin. There is also a chance of the acupuncturist making a mistake and puncturing too deep, which could lead to very serious medical issues. Though the chance of infection is low as is the chance of them puncturing too deep, but for me a placebo isn't worth that risk.
bumpfirestock: I'd rather go for the ol' ibuprofen placebo. I know it doesn't do anything, but it is a nice peace of mind.
arienh4: I'm pretty sure ibuprofen is not a placebo.
bumpfirestock: I always feel like it is. It never really does anything for me. I guess it is just a running joke with the people I know.
arienh4: Different meds work for different people. Paracetamol (acetaminophen) does hardly anything, while ibuprofen works splendidly.
| 13 | 90.846154 | |
1367785395 | 1367813983 | null | t5_2to41 | 45 | taylorbcool: TIFU and can't pay my rent for this month.
It's less of a today I fucked up and more of a last month I fucked up. I've been coasting off of money I've had saved up while I look for a job, and as it turns out entry level jobs in a college town are at a premium. So I still haven't found anything to do for work and I was sort of counting on my tax return from last month to pay rent this month. I got less money back than I expected and then spent more than I realized on food and medicine and other necessities. I went to pay my rent today and looked at my bank account and realized I'm about $130 short. I have no idea what to do. My landlord isn't really the kind of guy to say "Maybe we can work something out," so I guess I'll give him the money I have and start packing up my shit.
EDIT: Taken into account all the advice I've been given. Got a plan together to fix all this. Thanks for all the help.
bickets: Take a good hard look around your apartment and see what you can sell. TV? Game system?
taylorbcool: Thanks for the advice. TV and xbox brought in just enough to cover rent and late fees.
bickets: Good job! I know it's tough to make those kinds of decisions but it definitely sounds like the best move at this time.
taylorbcool: Yeah, I'm gonna miss that stuff but someday I'll have a job that can support that hobby.
| 5 | 9 | |
1367783160 | 1367789706 | null | t5_2to41 | 6 | Cursed_Sun: TIFU by being absent minded.
This really applies to many, many events...
Anyway, last week one of my favorite bands came to my area and are likely to never come back due to the size/music tastes of my city. I'd been waiting excitedly for several months once I heard they were coming, planned to go with a few mates. Come the night however, christ knows what i was doing, but I definitely wasn't at the bloody gig. Stupid brain...
Whats worse is I only realised when they were mentioned in a shreddit thread and there are very rarely any metal bands playing here, so that is likely to be my last chance for a while to see any :(
Em-Power-Me: Ever heard of writing important things down in a calender?
Cursed_Sun: Yeah... I'm awful at that...
| 3 | 2 | |
1367790914 | 1367810072 | t3_1dr1ue | t5_2to41 | -16 | DRUNKnTENN: ass muncher
AdvancedWin: Wow
I guess you really are a drunk ten year old
DRUNKnTENN: ass muncher
| 3 | -5.333333 | |
1367779832 | 1367882402 | null | t5_2to41 | 22 | [deleted]: Tifu by pooping
This is a throwaway account
So I really don't know when the true fuck-up occurred, but I am feeling the consequences today. For a while now I've been into anal play(I'm a guy) and sometimes I try to see how wide of something I can fit. That is what I believe to be fuck up one. Fuck up two comes this last Friday. I was planning on going camping, so I though why not drop a load before I go? So I sit, and it comes out like solid brown vengeance. I have seen worse though, so I think nothing if it. Over the weekend, I start feeling this pain in my ass, the kind of pain that makes it feel like someone'.a sledge hater and hit me in the anus. I mark it off as hemroids (I don't know the right spelling) and continue on my way. Fast forward to today. I'm sitting at my tv playing some good old fashioned battlefield 3, when I need to fart. I push just a little, and feel a tiny turd slip out. So I promply rush to the bathroom to finish up. Upon wiping up the mess, I notice blood. Not just a few little drops, but streaks of blood on the paper. OH FUCK says I. I then think "hey I should take a shower to clean up and prevent infection" so I do. I am now typing this on my phone, with my ass, which feels like its on fire, hanging off the edge of my couch.
TLDR I endured ass pain to type this, read it.
megiddo_: >I am now typing this on my phone, with my ass
Impressive.
Poostorythrowaway: It's a useful skill sometimes.
| 3 | 7.333333 | |
1367792345 | 1367795067 | null | t5_2to41 | 91 | charlie_wallace: TIFU by submitting a page of obscenities for my final exam.
I should say I found out today. Last thursday I had my physics final exam. I was running on very little sleep, and the exam was pretty difficult. At my school we use 'blue books,' little notebooks to write your answers. I got an extra one for scratch paper, and every time I struggled with a problem I wrote on a scratch page "Fuck, I can't do this." I even wrote a few in calligraphy to kill time at the end. Then I accidentally turned in the scratch blue book instead of my actual exam. Today I got a note from my dean asking why I submitted a "blank" final exam. I sent her and my professor a bunch of desperate emails, and I found my actual exam in my backpack. Best case scenario they'll make me retake the exam in the fall.Worst case they'll just fail me. I'm so ashamed at my own stupidity.
thesuperbob: How good was the calligraphy?
MasterChiefsAvenger: My guess is, not very good if OP's dean asked why a blank final exam paper was given in
| 3 | 30.333333 | |
1367799895 | 1367861602 | null | t5_2to41 | 24 | throwawayhere9999: TIFU by getting period blood on my shirt
I'm honestly very ashamed of this which is why it's a throwaway.
This was actually on friday but I haven't been able to think it over because every time it comes into my mind I push it away but here goes.
I was at school, and during 5th period I went to the bathroom. So I don't know if this happens to anyone else but when I take my tampons out sometimes they kind of get some momentum going and they swing a little.
And that's what happened, only I tried to move it so it didn't hit the toilet and, as a result, it swung directly on my shirt (which, I might add, was brand new from a concert the night before) and not in one spot either, in two spots because of the way I was sitting and it folded my shirt a certain way. So I got up, cleaned up, looked at my shirt, and there are two red freaking stains on my shirt. Period blood. No way to fake a nose bleed either because it was not drops. I was fucking scared shitless to go back to class because everyone would be staring at me since I would be late. Finally I just decided to button up my cardigan all over my shirt which looked dorky and it was really tight and it still showed just a sliver of the massacre if I sat a certain way but I made do
calis: Cold water will take care of blood in a pinch. If this happens frequently, get a bottle of peroxide and keep it in your locker. Peroxide makes the blood (at least the color of it) disappear.
[deleted]: This. I get nosebleeds a lot (blah blah medical condition blah) and they are really powerful so it isn't just drips. If this method didn't work I'd have no clothes left.
| 3 | 8 | |
1367801085 | 1367804029 | null | t5_2to41 | 17 | DenisPhelan: TIFU by not checking the toilet paper before sitting down.
Let me just start by saying, I HATE public restrooms. I think they're awkward and gross. So lets begin.
Tonight I went to Fudrucker's, a burger chain around here, and I just got a burger and fries, nothing I expected to upset my stomach in anyway. As you probably guessed by now I was 100% wrong. Usually I'd hold it in, but there was two other people in the backseat and it was long, bumpy ride home. I walked to the bathroom and sat down and of course took a horrible, wet, shit. I made the worst mistake I've made to date. I go to grab some toilet paper. Nothing. After a good minute of a half of trying not to cry, I came up with an idea. I texted my brother and asked him to pretend he needed to piss, come in and hand me some paper towels. It only got worse. I had no signal from the bathroom. I tried texting my dad too but it would not send. There was one good thing. I have an iPhone and so does my mom. So I connected to the WiFi and used imessage to tell my mom to send my brother.
Eventually he came in and handed me some paper after laughing at me for a good amount of time. I was in there for a good 20 minutes.
To make it that much worse, I clogged the toilet.
TL;DR: Didn't check for toilet in public restroom, massive shit, had to get brother to bring me paper towel, clogged the toilet.
tightlacedk1p2: This is the real reason that A) women go in pairs, and B) we carry tissues in our purses.
coreystang85: I thought OP was a dude, until I read the part about wanting to cry. My first emotion in that situation would not be crying, but instead how to figure a way out of the mess. Crying would only prolong your situation.
[deleted]: I am a dude but it was horrifying.
| 4 | 4.25 | |
1367807841 | 1368077256 | null | t5_2to41 | 49 | [deleted]: TIFU by farting while cybering with my boyfriend.
Usually it takes me a long time to achieve orgasm. I have to block everything out but him and totally focus on how I feel. Today was different. Orgasm seemed to come (*heh*) so easily to me. Just as I hit the point of no return...
I farted. Loudly. My orgasm immediately dissipated and I grabbed my junk and whispered "*oh my god no*". My lovely, handsome, gracious boyfriend thankfully laughed it off and we decided to keep going. I am so, so thankful he puts up with me.
SeventhMode: For the record, a) I didn't hear anything and b) the little panic you had was so adorable.
2cute4me
[deleted]: 2good4me. U//////U
nowonmai: Oh shut up... both of you.
[deleted]: No. UwU
nowonmai: Sickeningly cute.
| 6 | 8.166667 | |
1367806271 | 1367987075 | null | t5_2to41 | 7 | kitty_r: TIFU: I'm drinking and writing my research paper
The title is pretty self explanatory. I'm pretty drunk and am QUITE sure my paper RAWKS. Eh. It's only the capstone paper and it'll be fine. I think my bf deployed overseas just proposed to me today. GOD what I wouldn't give for some scotch.
[deleted]: I'm curious about the proposal, tell us more.
(It seems there isn't a /r/mildlyromantic)
kitty_r: Too bad. Clicked on your link just in case. This is definitely the wrong subreddit for this, but I'll blame the blunder on my hooch. The proposal-ish came as a "Hey, I have the opportunity to do a 2nd tour. The only reason I wouldn't is if we got married and you said I couldn't." So, romantic in that he said I'm more important than deployment, and horrifying in being cornered into a massive life decision.
[deleted]: That would be the perfect inaugural post for my new sub. Post it there too please? Ps. Congrats/relax/good luck.
kitty_r: Thank you. Will do. Let me know when it's up.
[deleted]: It is already! It's just empty, no..?
| 6 | 1.166667 | |
1367821387 | 1367867901 | null | t5_2to41 | 28 | RedCrayonHead: TIFU by almost fighting a customer
I wrote this long story about what happened and my app deleted it. So here is the high lights.
My last day working as a manager for a fast food company is Tuesday. My give a fuck broke about half way through my 2 weeks.
Tonight is stress full. Lobby is locked due to it being me and only two dumb ass new hires.
Two women get in lobby I tell them I can't serve them and to leave for about 10 mins on two different occasions. They say no, they got in I have to serve them.
I finally tell them leave or I am calling the cops. One woman and I get into it. Nothing too bad yet. She finally says this "What am I supposed to tell my children, they couldn't get ice cream because you are a fucking cunt?!"
I snapped. Screamed to get out. She said make me. I said IM GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!. Sigh. Yep. She said Let's go out side. And my dumb ass started to follow her.
Half way out I realised what I was doing and stopped. Still yelling. She left finally after she threatened to call my supervisor.
I can't believe I did that. I snapped, I hit my breaking point... and now I will probably get fired Tuesday (my last day). Wtf did I do. 3 years of hard work down the drain....
TheMaguffin: depending on the employment laws where you live you may have immunity if you put your two weeks in already. I know that in California you have to commit some sort of crime before a company can fire you after submitting your two week's notice, this isn't a crime.
On the other hand it sounds like you got other shit going on, or just really hate this job, if you can't keep your shit together while working for a food joint. That being said how valuable is this work experience? Its highly likely that future employers won't check your fast food experience as the turnover is really high and getting a hold of the manager who you worked for isn't really worth it.
demoncarcass: > I know that in California you have to commit some sort of crime before a company can fire you after submitting your two week's notice, this isn't a crime.
Pretty sure threatening to kill someone is a crime.
TheMaguffin: Generally not if you get caught in the heat of the moment. There is a difference between shouting I'm going to kill someone when they are yelling back at you and actually making plans to kill someone. Still a fuck up but courts don't have time to review ever case were someone threatens another.
| 4 | 7 | |
1367833188 | 1367893818 | null | t5_2to41 | 7 | 1lostwoman: by not realizing my friend was still in my Xbox party.
dukeofdan: If it makes you feel better, I do this kind of stuff all the time.
1lostwoman: Thanks, it does help a little. He hasn't texted me back and I'm kind of afraid to text him.
dukeofdan: If he was your friend, I don't he'll care about something like that.
1lostwoman: I certainly hope so.
| 5 | 1.4 | |
1367851446 | 1368220332 | null | t5_2to41 | 2,926 | MarshingMyMellow: TIFU by playing soccer too early in the morning.
I haven't played soccer in years, but some of my buddies were
playing one morning so I joined up with them. After a few minutes of kicking the ball around
I'm standing near the mid-field line, maybe 40-50 yards from the goal, and the guy
playing goalie shouts to me, "Hey, 100 bucks if you can score on me from there!". I
played a lot of soccer in my younger years, so I know it's within my range. He was playing way
off the line so I just had to get it over his head. So I start taking my steps to the ball,
then put all my effort into kicking the ball as hard as I could. As soon as I strike the ball,
I yell "FUCK!!!" in excruciating pain, open my eyes, and realize I was still in my bed, dreaming.
I had kicked the wall barefoot with full force in my sleep; pretty sure I broke two toes.
Never did find out if I won that 100 bucks.
**TL;DR:** Don't trust a goalie early in the morning.
bakerac4: Man, if I had a nickel for every time I kicked my wall from dreaming I was playing soccer... I'd have a few nickels.
HeIsntMe: I'd have exactly zero nickels.
5n1p3rhaa: I'd owe the wall a nickel.
dabisnit: The coffee table owes me a nickel, moving around in dark and shit
Chiburger: If your coffee table is shitting you might have a problem.
PotatoRacingTeam: /r/fifthworldproblems
justopost: I do not understand.
PotatoRacingTeam: Coffee table shitting on the living room rug? Sounds like a fifthworld problem to me. Third world problems - starvation, disease, genocide. First world problems - Gas, fast food, make-up, gym. Fifth world problems? Well, go check it out.
justopost: I checked it out, that's what i didn't understand. It seemed like i took a wrong turn somewhere and ended up in the 4th dimention of hell.
PotatoRacingTeam: You have to look at it from the point of view of beings from alternate dimensions, different planes of existence, non-existence, deities, beings of pure energy, trans-dimensional beings, and the like. Trying to peruse that particular subreddit as a human can only lead to headaches, and absolute utter bafflement and incomprehension.
| 11 | 266 | |
1367869918 | 1367963232 | null | t5_2to41 | 26 | harg7769: TIFU by face planting on the pavement
While walking home from my brother's this morning, after a few beers, I managed to trip myself up as I crossed the road. As my hands were in my pockets, I couldn't do anything to stop it and head butted the pavement. As I went to stand, I noticed the blood gushing from my head. I was able to get up and walk home but I had also cut my nose and lip quite badly. As soon as My wife saw it she insisted I go to the hospital to get stitched up. This is me after the doctor had fixed me up:
http://imgur.com/CXrhH5L
Treyomni: thanks for making me laugh so hard i woke my gf up......
[deleted]: You don't have to lie.
| 3 | 8.666667 | |
1367880720 | 1367936986 | null | t5_2to41 | 33 | guy120: TIFU: by minding too much about things
I met this nice girl in my neighborhood, and got to know her more. I ended up having a crush on her, casually moving towards the "more than friends" zone. Meanwhile, I was noticing a trend in the park right in front of my house, where there would be a group of teenagers smoking/dealing weed outside of my house every week. This led me to calling the cops on them, as they were smoking weed in the open in front of kids. Little did I know that this girl I met was related to one of the teenagers, and me, being an idiot, told her all about the incidents. A minute later, she said that if anything happened to her relative, she would never talk to me again. If I hadn't said anything about this to her, nothing would've happened. Now I don't even know if I'll ever have a chance with her.
TL;DR: Never say too much.
Thanks, Reddit.
asharkey3: Well you did the right thing, in my opinion. If her sibling/relative dealing weed and smoking it in front of children isn't a bad thing to her...I'd ask questions. Time to move on I guess.
guy120: Uh thanks for the support, but I think I just put my own life on the line right now, I mean people who usually deal with illegal stuff could target me for snaking them out, and this girl also knows where I live. I know I should start watching my back, but what can I do now?
jessticless: Wowww... imo you sound very sheltered. Weed dealers aren't thugs that are gonna come break your legs and throw you in a lake, especially considering that they're teenagers. In fact, they are the least dangerous dealers there are, not to mention the least dangerous drug. I think you kinda deserve it for calling the cops and being a snitch.
guy120: Yes, it's true that weed dealers aren't real thugs, and I don't live in a neighborhood where i'd get jumped, so thanks for another side of the situation.
jessticless: No problem. I apologize if I came off harsh, I just hate the stereotype that stoners are big bad thugs simply because marijuana is illegal. Because that really isn't the case. If anything, I've found that marijuana discourages aggression.
guy120: Thanks for the insight, but aside from the situation right now, wouldn't it be the right thing to do to report illegal activities? I mean if they want to have a good time, go ahead, I honestly don't mind. At least do it somewhere other than a park filled with kids.
jessticless: From a legal point of view, yes that's the right thing to do. From a practical point of view, I think it's overreacting. I personally would never call the cops on someone unless they were an actual danger. However, I wouldn't smoke weed in front of kids in a public park either.
asharkey3: >I wouldn't smoke weed in front of kids in a public park either.
I think the presence of the kids was why OP called the cops. And rightly so in my opinion. They can smoke weed, whatever, no harm. Just don't make children witness it.
You are right though. I highly doubt anything would come of this. A bunch of teenagers selling pot. They will probably get a fine and be on their way. Can't see anyone coming after you for that.
| 9 | 3.666667 | |
1367874725 | 1368064446 | null | t5_2to41 | 42 | [deleted]: TIFU by getting peppermint lotion in a very private place...
I was having Skype-sex with my long distance boyfriend and he asked me to get lotion and rub it on my tits. I grabbed the first bottle I saw and did as he requested. Then I started touching myself again, and holy BURNING SENSATION. I ran into the bathroom and started trying to rinse my hoo-ha off to no avail. An hour later, it still feels like I douched with Listerine. Never again.
[deleted]: Yeah I learned that with my ex girlfriend; Only put on lotion that is designed for that kinda activities. Other wise you're probably going to end up with sex that feels like you're being stung repeatedly by some kind of genital wasps....
TheinsanegamerN: genital.....w-wasps 0_0 god, my nightmares just had nightmares....
diamondeyes18: what's that, some new STD?
| 4 | 10.5 | |
1367893460 | 1367936601 | null | t5_2to41 | 1,125 | redhottt66: Tifu by having sex in the kitchen
We just got home from the grocery store and I'm cutting chicken for dinner. My boyfriend starts kissing my neck and rubbing my boobs. When we started kissing my panties fell off. The next thing I know he is fucking me from behind and talking dirty. He is saying things like "oh God your pussy feels so good" and "it's so tight" then, "oh God it's too good".
It ended abruptly when my 17 year old daughter walked in. FUCK!!!!!!!
She was not supposed to be home. She has been in her room trying to delete the image from her mind ever since. My bf has been hiding in our room in the fetal position. I don't know how any of us will look each other in the eyes ever again. 😕🔫
positronus: Somehow I thought this was a funny(ish) post and your bf somehow missed the aim and was doing the chicke...then it turned for the worst.
But 17 is old enough, she would understand, no?
Edit: Not to put anybody on the spot and just a little PSA... I read too many stories where parents do sexy time with doors wide open and kids catching them in the act. Accidents happen and this one of course is excluded. But please find a room with a door and lock it. Kids as adults are different, and you never know how given experience will affect them.
redhottt66: I hope so. I'm so embarrassed
Gaderael: Well, I hope your daughter knows that it's happened at least ONCE before. I mean, you're not a stone or anything.
randomkloud: i think the fact that it happened in the place where her food is made is gonna gross her out more.
SockPants: idk but it is a place that she will walk through often. on one hand she will be reminded of it more often but on the other hand she'll forget about it earlier too.
randomkloud: whenever she sit's for a meal, she'll always wonder... I would anyway.
JRR-Tokin: "Mom, is that how you've been cooking every meal!?"
| 8 | 140.625 | |
1367895674 | 1367896625 | null | t5_2to41 | 4 | team-periwinkle: by forgotting mothers day
JK did i scare you?
also by forgetting how to spell forget.
chimera: As another member of team periwinkle, you disappoint me (mostly with your spelling of forgetting).
team-periwinkle: I am an orangered.....
and thx
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1367889208 | 1367901079 | null | t5_2to41 | 22 | [deleted]: TIFU by pissing on my jacket between classes.
.
swansonian: Are you Amir Blumenfeld?
Baydude98: He can't be. He only did it for the uptokes.
| 3 | 7.333333 | |
1367891026 | 1368025405 | null | t5_2to41 | 45 | EroticHercules: TIFU by giving myself the nosebleed of all nosebleeds in the shower.
So I'm in the shower having a go at washing my hair. My eyes are closed and I'm trying to remember the words to the second verse of 'Lose Yourself' (rapping in the shower = a great start to the day for me). Somehow I manage to violently insert my middle finger up my right nostril whilst going through the motions of lathering my hair, thereby shoving my nose stud right up in thur. Ouch! Fuckingfuckfuck!
Anyway, when I finally open my eyes and go in for the rinse, I realize that there is a deluge of blood coursing down my chest and into my belly button. Natch, I had just cleaned my shower and I watch helplessly as blood splatters from my nose all over the pristine white of the tub and shower walls. Trying to minimize the mess and allow my nose to clot, I tilt my head back out of the way of the water. Bad idea. Blood fills my mouth and throat and I sputter and sneeze three times, coating the walls, ceiling, shampoo bottles and shower curtain with a thick spray of blood and boogers. Most of our towels are white, so I don't want to grab one, nor do I want to exit the shower in my present bloody state. So I turn the shower off, grab a piece if TP (the one time living in a shitty rental property with a tiny full bath actually comes in handy) and lie down in the bloody tub to wait for my nose to clot.
When I finally had a chance to survey the scene it looked as if someone had dismembered a corpse with a dull fan blade in my bathroom. I sincerely hope that I cleaned up the mess sufficiently to get my damage deposit back when I move in a few months.
TL;DR -- Finger up the nose makes for a messy morning.
boosh-troll: pics??...
Of the bathroom of course..
EroticHercules: But it's clean now! I'll take some next time I cut myself shaving, though.
| 3 | 15 | |
1367901228 | 1367941532 | null | t5_2to41 | 364 | Fecesofwar: TIFU by escalating a prank war and destroying a civilian.
My friends and I have been pulling pranks on each other for a few months now. The rules are that 1) you can't break anything valuable and 2) you can't repeat a prank.
So my buddy Hal pulls an upper decker on me at my place while we were drinking, and I didn't find it until the next morning. I woke to the smell of shit wafting ambiguously in the air, but didn't catch on until I started my morning constitution and flushed, discovering a horrible foul gravy had replaced my own work. I bought a couple bottles of bleach to undo Hal's work.
On Saturday night, we're now drinking at his place, and I'm plotting my revenge. He has a couple roommates but a private bathroom, so I figure I can safely retaliate in his restroom.
Uninspired, I go for the saran wrap on the toilet. I sneak it from the kitchen giggling, expecting to hear him swear when he gets piss on the floor. Having wrapped his present, I withdrew. I eventually lost track of time.
Hours later, more people have come and gone from Hal's party. I'm happily buzzed and I've completely forgotten my plot, when I receive a text message from my friend. My best friend. My female best friend:
"I need help, please come to Hal's bathroom."
Patricia is a great friend; she helped me through a terrible breakup and stopped me from failing out of grad school. And I made her into a casualty of war.
I slip to Hal's bedroom and knock on the door; I can hear Patricia crying from inside the bathroom. Through a sob she says she needs a towel. I find one and pass it inside, and although the door was only open a few inches before swiftly closing, I smelled it.
Shit. After talking yesterday, I learned Patricia had decided that #1 was coming with #2, and used Hal's bathroom to be discreet. She shat right into my trap. In shock and horror she botched her escape, and smeared herself her with business. Up her back. And after trying to wipe herself clean with a roll of toilet paper, flushed the entire disaster into the toilet.
Saran wrap wadded around feces does not agree with toilets full of toilet paper. I cracked the window as Patricia huddled under the towel. I helped her into the shower and then slipped out, but she asked me to tell others that she had just vomited a little and felt the need to clean up.
I told her what happened yesterday, and she managed to laugh despite the certain PTSD. She's a good friend. Sorry Patricia.
(No real names were used)
BartenderMan: I'm confused. Shouldn't she have felt something was wrong when she sat on the saran wrap? Or is this some advanced saran wrap prank that I don't know about?
Almostana: The wrap goes between the bowl and the seat, so she wouldn't feel it, but it would be caught.
BartenderMan: But that would assume that the seat is down to begin with, which would not work if the intended target was a male who would put the seat up before doing his business (unless his friend is even more buzzed than he was at the time).
GundamWang: You wrap the saran wrap around the bowl, not on the underside of the seat.
| 5 | 72.8 | |
1367897039 | 1367962485 | null | t5_2to41 | 17 | [deleted]: Tifu mountainboarding
So this really was last summer, and before you downvote the shit out of me for my FU not being today, read it. Maybe you'll find my pain just as good.
So last summer I was at summer camp with the BSofA. I'm an older scout(16) and was taking high adventure classes. They didn't take much time though, and I had a lot of time to kill every day. On the second day of seven, I decided to kill some time by mountainboarding
Now I had never mountain boarded before, so I started halfway down the hill. These boards did not have brakes, so I would just slow down as much as possible and then do a controlled fall to the side (no I could not just wait to slow down to a stop, there was a wall about 50 ft from the bottom of the hill). This worked all fine and dandy for a while, and I got the stones to try going from the top of the hill. I got down the hill just a bit wobbly but ok, and proceeded to do my controlled fall. And here is where the fuck up comes. Instead of falling painlessly to the side, my dumb ass decided to fall backward. Some of you may be wondering, "But Tertius96, why is that so bad?" Well that's a good question little Timmy, lemme tell you why. By falling backwards, I caused my leg to land directly on top of the back wheel, which was still spinning rather quickly. The tire then proceeded to rip off a good portion of my skin from my leg, just from friction. Well I came to a full and complete stop, got up, looked at my leg, saw some redness, and that was the end of that. No pain. Nothing. I even went down the hill one more time. Then it started to sting, so I go to the nearby first aid lodge (very conveniently placed for idiots like me). By the time I got there, the pain had escalated to a pretty intense burning sensation. I get in the lodge, and they say they have to clean it. Being and Eagle Scout and having treated abrasions before, I know what this implies. Alcohol. And that's what they did. They used alcohol wipes. I have experienced some pretty bad pain before, even stepped on a Lego once or twice, so let me make myself very clear. This was the pain of a thousand suns having an explosive orgy in my leg flesh. Imagine thousands of needles fresh from the fucking sun being pushed into your skin, and then MAYBE you'll have an idea of the pain. It took all my willpower not to scream bloody murder. They did finally get it cleaned, slapped a big ass bandage on it (it was about 2 or 3 sq. inches big) and sent me on my way.
But wait, there's more!
It got infected. Every couple hours I had to replace the bandage because the old one was soaked in nasty yellow puss. Replacing the bandage also caused the removal of my body's half assed attempt at making a scab, which was incredibly painful. And oh yea, showering? Uh uh. Not gonna happen bro. Any contact to the area by any substance was excruciating. Thankfully by the end of the week they had found me a bandage big enough and waterproof so I could stop smelling like the devil had taco hell and shat on me.
I still have a large area of discolored skin, and that is still my most painful experience to date.
TL;DR: don't go mountainboarding unless you know what you're doing.
unconfortably_numb: Putting alcohol on an open wound is bad first aid. Does more damage than good.
[deleted]: How so? I've always been taught that it is the most effective cleansing agent for first responders.
unconfortably_numb: Alcohol kills indiscriminately; sure, it will kill bacteria, but it will also fry fibroblasts and all the other cells that help you heal. A mild detergent is a better idea, but sterile saline is best for cleaning wounds.
Those first-responders are misinformed.
[deleted]: That's good to know, I'll be carrying saline now. Thanks!
| 5 | 3.4 | |
1367892812 | 1368068408 | null | t5_2to41 | 26 | glenn469: TIFU by Not washing hands before bathroom.
Made mixes at work for marinates, one has some really hot chilli powder, I finished making it and immediately went to the bathroom. 5 min later my penis was on fire and i had to go back to the bathroom and hose it. i guess you could say i had a hot rod
Augenmann: Try hanging it in Milk.
Sounds strange but works
glenn469: Ha ha, I'd be like, sorry boss just need to use the coffee milk to hang my burning cock in.
would you like some cock flavored milk?
| 3 | 8.666667 | |
1367946730 | 1367961483 | null | t5_2to41 | 506 | jivpop: TIFU by letting my iPhone fall off of a cliff
I was at a park with my friend near water and we were hiking around and taking pictures. My phone case has a slot on the back to hold my ID, so when I set it down on some rocks, gravity took charge and my phone and ID went skittering down to the rocks below. The worst feeling is knowing exactly where it was but being unable to reach it. Maybe I'll be able to kayak over to it someday, but for now I have to live without my smartphone. I feel stupid.
This was taken seconds before http://imgur.com/hVzUqv5
Another_Desk_Jockey: Why do people insist on specifying "Iphone". Never once have I said to someone "Let me just go grab my Galaxy S3 and we can go." I just don't get it. Maybe if this story had something to do with being iPhone specific I could understand it, but otherwise it just feels like your trying to be superfluous.
[deleted]: i'd like to award the benefit of the doubt to the iphone here, because as far as i'm concerned they invented the / were the first smartphone.
MrBadTacos: Then you're not concerned at all.
[deleted]: I'm sure your condescending attitude is backed by solid experience.
What's your best example of a pre-iphone smartphone?
shadowdude777: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/HTC_Touch
Oh look at that:
> Its main, unique feature is a user interface named TouchFLO[1] that detects a sweeping motion and can distinguish between a finger and a stylus.
And it was released on June 5, 2007, which is 24 days before the first iPhone, and it has a finger-centric UI.
Apple invented *nothing.* Tell me one thing they invented for use in the iPhone.
[deleted]: Just detecting a finger doesn't get very close to providing an iphone-like interface. As for what apple invented - that isn't my point, nor my challenge. They were the first to bringit together, see my other reply.
Why is it you people get so worked up over this? It's like I insulted your mother by saying apple did something well, jesus christ.
shadowdude777: They weren't the first to bring it together. Windows Mobile provided a touch interface (well, HTC did on top of Windows Mobile, but the point still stands), with third-party apps, over a year before Apple did so. The point is that you claim that Apple invented the smartphone, and that's insulting to the companies that actually innovated to some extent, when Apple is just a recipe company that took all of their feats and put them together.
[deleted]: Ok. Point taken. Assuming that such previous phones provided a reasonable fraction of the functionality - which to me is apps, mobile data, integration of email, calendar, intuitive multi-touch interface that responds instantly..
However, on the point where apple is 'just a recipe company' 'just' putting it all together, that is underselling them - nobody had provided the polish and integration apple had with the iphone to make it into the success it has become. That's how it seems to have gone from my standpoint. Over here (NL) it was 'dumb nokias,' then suddenly, bam iphone.
Or do you think that the overwhelming success of the iphone (in that time) is purely marketing? It sure wasn't availability.
shadowdude777: I do think its success was in marketing. I didn't see anything technically superior about the first iPhone compared to the HTC Touch. I owned the Touch, and my friend owned the iPhone. The first iPhone couldn't do anything. By the time better iPhones came out, we had great Android devices like the first Droid. The iPhone had its time in the limelight, which was that time in 2008-2009 or so when WinMo was totally dead, Blackberry didn't know where it was going, and Android was in its infancy.
But over here in the US at least, I can tell you for sure that Blackberries were always popular, since pre-2007. WinMo was more of a niche OS, but everyone wanted a Blackberry.
[deleted]: Ok, ok. You've out-typed me. Thanks for your POV.
| 11 | 46 | |
1367939598 | 1368196585 | null | t5_2to41 | 27 | MidnachtGreen: TIFU By crossing out my perfect thesis for my AP European History final essay.
I crossed it out, and made a different one because I thought it restated the question. I got a 2/9.
I went back, looked at it, and realized it would have gotten me a 9.
FML
YouNeedMoreUpvotes: If it makes you feel better, you probably wouldn't have gotten a 9.
[deleted]: True... but even a 6 or seven is better than a 2...
| 3 | 9 | |
1367953464 | 1367965989 | t3_1dvjbc | t5_2to41 | 141 | ella1993: No, I already paid the minimum amount due right at the courthouse. I'll be making two more payments over the next two months. It'd be nice to fight the system but I can't afford it.
geekinoutt: IANAL, ~~but If you can not afford a lawyer, one will be appointed for you to act on your behalf, right?~~
Edit: I prefaced by admitting I was not a lawyer and was subsequently corrected by a lawyer. Please read the response /u/paynem83_at_work wrote below!
paynem83_at_work: I am a lawyer. IAAL?
The constitutional right to an attorney only applies when the possible punishment includes jail time (deprivation of liberty). In most jurisdictions, speeding tickets are civil offenses, meaning there is no possibility of jail time.
The real fuck up here was pleading guilty with an explanation. This *always* a bad idea, at least for traffic violations. I can elaborate if anyone has questions.
mxwjg: Can you please?
paynem83_at_work: I would prefer to answer specific questions, because a general explanation will just send me on tangents.
However, the general idea is that traffic violations are civil offenses, meaning there is no consideration as to mitigating circumstances when it comes to judgment (sentencing in criminal proceedings). What would be considered mitigating circumstances in a criminal sentencing are essentially equivalent to reasons why you should not be guilty of a criminal offense at all.
OP was on the right track saying the visibility was great, there was no traffic, etc. Even with unequivocal proof that the speed limit was x and the defendant was traveling at x+17, that is not sufficient for a guilty ruling for a civil infraction. If the defendant was operating the car in a reasonably safe manner *given the circumstances* there is no guilt, and thus no liability for fines or points.
Pleading guilty to a civil infraction subjects a person to the maximum penalties for that offense, regardless of any explanation. I personally think that states use this to mislead people on purpose, leading them to believe they retain some sort of control when they don't at all.
Putting it in very simple game theory, there are four possibilities:
1. you were guilty, you have a good explanation;
2. you were guilty, you don't have a good explanation;
3. you were not guilty, you have a good explanation; or
4. you were not guilty, you don't have a good explanation.
Two very important, universally true facts to consider in analyzing these possibilities are:
1. it is the state's burden to prove your guilt if you do not plead guilty; and
2. you (almost) never know what a given judge will accept as a "good" explanation - this attempt could easily backfire (regardless of alleged bias, like in OP's case).
Taking all of that into consideration, you can easily see that it's a bad idea to plead guilty in the first place. Not only is it the state's burden to prove guilt (which means that if you make them, they will agree to a lesser charge 99% of the time rather than go through the effort of putting on a case for the full charge), but for civil infractions, a "good" explanation is equivalent to being not guilty. In that scenario (1), you're actually allowing the state to penalize you when you shouldn't be penalized at all.
Even in scenario 2 where you are guilty and don't have a good explanation, it's still a horrible idea to plead guilty with an explanation not only because you'll look like an idiot trying to explain the reason without having a good one, but also because there is *no* opportunity to bluff by letting the state know that they're going to actually have to prove this one (which, as I mentioned, will almost universally lead to an offer of a lesser charge, no points, a smaller fine, or some other better result).
funkymunniez: So, I have a question for you. If I were to be brought into court for a speeding violation and the judge called the officer to provide his testimony "funkymunniez was found travelling 50 in a 30 on may the 7th at 5:24 pm on Fake St blah blah blah," would it be a feasible defense to call objection to the testimony as the officer did not establish the validity of the results of the radar gun? IE calling into question the idea that the officer/the city had not demonstrated that the device used to measure speed was maintained properly and that without proper proof of service/maintenance, there is no way to ensure the accuracy of the gun.
r3m0t: You would definitely need a lawyer for that one to fly.
funkymunniez: Why? Like paynem83 said, the burden of proof is on the state to prove your guilt and if they can't even validate their evidence then why shouldn't you object to it being used against you?
r3m0t: You would need to point to the specific regulation that their equipment allegedly fails to comply with, and do it in enough time for the police department to bring whatever evidence is necessary to the courtroom. If you just turn up and mumble something about needing documentation, the judge will just think you're wasting his time. (IANAL)
funkymunniez: So again, you don't need a lawyer, you just need to do the appropriate leg work for your argument.
r3m0t: Good luck have fun!!
funkymunniez: I don't have a ticket to contest, it was just a situational question posed to someone who was a lawyer (who said it was feasible). lol
It was the result of a conversation I was having with a friend the other day.
r3m0t: Are we friends now? Sweet.
funkymunniez: SLOTH LOVE CHUNK
| 14 | 10.071429 | |
1367946195 | 1367960338 | null | t5_2to41 | 7 | stethoscope_vulture: TIFU a high school play
TIFU a high school's theater finale. I took on too much. I was supposed to make a major prop for a local high school's final play and what I gave them was far below what I'm capable of. I took this on top of an already far overloaded schedule but insisted I could do it. At the time I though I could. As time wore thin I realized too late I was in over my head. I rushed and gave them something very sub par and I feel so guilty about it. I really fucked up.
flabbergastard: We all know the feel. Take it as a learning experience, don't dwell on it, and enjoy the rest of high school.
PassivePandas: Why would you get down voted for this comment?
flabbergastard: Haters gonna hate. No fucks given on this end :)
| 4 | 1.75 | |
1367955232 | 1367973137 | null | t5_2to41 | 12 | [deleted]: tifu having sex without a condom
Yep, had sex with a girl and didn't use a condom. She says she is on birth control but I am still worried that she might get pregnant. I didn't cum in her either but some may have slipped out
YourToothbrush: TYFU by being too worried about everything.
Relax. If she's on birth control, doesn't have any STDs, and you pulled out, you're fine. The chances of her getting pregnant are prettttty slim. I'd say slimmer than if you used a condom and she wasn't on birth control. It's called birth control for a reason.
Relax, my man, you'll be fine.
[deleted]: You are wrong. Condom trumps birth control in terms of reliability (esp combining it working and her word). I hope it turns out OK OP.
YourToothbrush: No, you're wrong. http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/birth-control/birth-control-effectiveness-chart-22710.htm . Might help to actually look things up before you talk about them.
Edit: and if you're talking about the combination of the two, obviously a condom and birth control is more effective. But alone, birth control pills > condoms.
[deleted]: No, i just meant one or the other.
I gotta admit I did not see that coming. What I remember from my sex ed classes is that the condom was unbeatable and birth control could slip up. Perhaps that's just in the cases that the condom doesn't rip, come off, etc. I suppose I tentatively stand corrected.
[deleted]: Birth control pills are meant to be taken at the same time every day for the best result. If I were a male in high school I wouldn't trust most teen girls to be able to keep a routine like that.. but, that's just me.
| 6 | 2 | |
1367965418 | 1368009453 | null | t5_2to41 | 30 | [deleted]: TIFU by sending my ex's nudes to my SO's mother.
So me and my "SO" (Speech-marks because I'm not sure how committed I am in this) went on a day trip and we took quite a few pictures of us together and everything we were doing. Her phone was running low on battery so we decided to share a couple of the pictures with her mother (they're very close and she doesn't like to have an hour with no contact). Now I'm not the type of guy to be a dick about nudes and what not, but I'll admit to having several exes on my phone... My iPhone is pretty ruined, and after too many upgrades the thumbnails don't show when uploading a picture to text. Now I don't know if you're familiar with iOS/jailbreak feature but the once I reach a certain amount of photos it creates a new album. I picked the wrong album...
So I decided to upload the final 3 photos in the album thinking they were the latest pictures, it didn't even cross my mind that they could be anything but from today. Until I press send... You know that feeling in the pit of your stomach when something horrible is happening? Well that happened. As I got up the pictures which were sent (again I couldn't see thumbnail) I just wanted to go into the foetal position. They were the nastiest pictures I had. All I'll say is she was into a lot of weird stuff.
And then I had to tell my SO what went on. She punched me in the face. She's got a good punch I'll give her that. I don't know what to do now, but maybe it is best off this way... God I feel way too embarrassed to see them.
Tl;dr: Due to fucked up iPhone I sent ex's nudes to current gf's mother. Got punched in the face.
prussianiron: Your GF punched you in the face? Like, legitimately punched, or just like...sort of a slap? That's kind of abusive, there is no excuse to punch your SO in the face and actually mean it.
positronus: That "You're" is making my eye twitch and little kittens die all around me.
prussianiron: For the record, I upvoted you back up to 1. I really do apologize, I'm usually REALLY good with that, and it annoys me to no end when other people make that mistake. I can't believe I let myself slip up like that -facepalm-
positronus: I bet that's how some wars have started, it's a small but very big annoyance :)
| 5 | 6 | |
1367981427 | 1367986369 | null | t5_2to41 | 10 | ieatmuffinz: TIFU i told my sister i didn't believe in jesus and that he was a myth, she excommunicated me from her life.
i cant stop crying my eyes out.
Excorcistllamas: The way you say it here makes it sound like you were pretty harsh and sudden about it. Coming out to family isnt a hard thing to do (if this was your first time telling someone) you just have to do it the right way. Believe me, I know.
prussianiron: My family (Jewish) still refuses to call me anything but Jewish, even after I informed them that I am *at best* agnostic. Really I would call myself atheist, but they refuse to acknowledge it :/
Excorcistllamas: Wanna send me a PM? maybe I can help you out.
prussianiron: Eh, not much to do. They know it annoys me to no end, and my mother blamed my girlfriend for it (even though my girlfriend isn't even atheist?), because god (heh) forbid I am actually a logical being and I have decided on my own that I do not believe in any kind of supernatural all-powerful beings.
Excorcistllamas: Believe me, I know exactly what you're going through. My family is full blooded southern Baptists. Took alot for me to come out to them, then after I did they just sort of ignored the fact that I had said anything and continue to drag me out of bed every Sunday to go to church and cover me in religious literature. Beautiful thing is, humans have a right to free will, which means no matter what your family thinks, you're more than free to believe in whatever you choose. Little advice though: when you're around your family, dont sneer at their belief or mock it. I've made that mistake a few times.
| 6 | 1.666667 | |
1367983247 | 1368010499 | null | t5_2to41 | 29 | KoalaExpress: I should have just left the bird's nest well enough alone.
There was this bird's nest on my front porch next to the door wedged into a hanging lamp. The mama bird living there would freak out anyone who came or left the house. I decided it needed to be moved into a tree in our front yard. Instead of consulting the internet before hand, knowing full well there might be babies or eggs, I donned gloves and carefully slid it out. Then one side collapsed and three eggs and two small babies fell six feet onto the pavement. Eggs obviously broke and the babies were moving fine it seemed. I put the nest as back together as possible, carefully got the babies in, and put it in the tree. Hopefully they will still be alive in the morning.
I'm really upset on how stupidly I handled it.
TL; DR: I likely murdered five baby birds because I'm such a dumass. And it's killing me.
EDIT: TIFU by not putting TIFU in front of the title.
saac22: Future reference, it's not advised to ever mess with a bird's babies.
I think birds, or at least some (most? I honestly have no clue) are the kind of animals where if you handle their home and/or offspring, they won't come back to them.
I could be wrong, but I wanna say that's something my grandma taught me...
positronus: [Generally not true](http://skeptics.stackexchange.com/questions/3132/will-a-mother-bird-abandon-her-young-if-touched-by-a-human), but there could be exceptions I suppose.
saac22: Well my bad then I take it back. Must not have been grandma, because grandma never lies.
positronus: Ha, grandmas always lie. It's just that you think that they don't and they look like they aren't.
| 5 | 5.8 | |
1367990274 | 1368036766 | null | t5_2to41 | 987 | nitacla: TIFU by smoking weed for the first time in 3 years.
So, second date with a guy I really like. We meet for lunch, which is entirely liquid, and I get quite tipsy. He suggests we go back to his. We sit in the garden, drink some more and smoke a spliff. I haven't smoked weed for around three years, since my uni days and even then I was a pretty light user.
It's around 5 in the afternoon, I'm drunk, stoned and have been sitting in the hot sun for a long time. He suggests we go inside to 'fool around'. Yes please.
As soon as I stand up, I feel terrible. Sweaty, head spinning, deaf in one ear (which for some reason is always a warning sign that I'm going to vomit.)
Thank god I make it to the bathroom. Empty stomach, apart from alcohol so not much doing, but then I get a rumbling in my tummy parts. I've never known the like. Hot watery shit exploding from my poor bum-holey. It goes on for a long time. I was pretty spaced out so I kept sort of floating into consciousness and realising this big wet poop is STILL. COMING. OUT.
Don't know how long it was before I staggered from the bathroom, white as a sheet, giant pupils, barely coherent and sweating like a virgin on a honeymoon. Attractive. I don't think he'll call.
*(Side note/inquiry: clearly, not very experienced with weed, but is it normal that it completely removed my gag reflex? I've always had a pretty sensitive gag reflex, but for some reason I was able to deep throat like a high class hooker. Possibly an unexpected bonus?)*
**TL;DR: Drunk, stoned, pale, sweaty, vomit, shits from Hades, bonus awesome blowjob.**
graffiksguru: If you haven't smoked in a long time, don't do it drunk. Almost guaranteed spins/vomit time. And if you gave him an awesome bj, I think he'll call alright. Question, was the bj before or after the bathroom visit?
Schizophrenics: I'm assuming after, because they went inside. However, I would not turn it down unless I noticed she looked visibly sick. Then I'd see what I could do for the lady.
a_self_cleaning_oven: You are a man of honor!
Schizophrenics: Why thank you! I'm usually the fella that'll carry the lady upstairs and tuck her into bed instead of fuckin her. Then there's usually the glass of water, making sure her pockets are empty and her stuff is on the night stand, then I'll try to find some little stuff to help if she has a hangover etc.
I'm ok with being "friendzoned" because I like helping people anyway. That, and I've escaped that zone a few times, so I know its possible.
thenagainmaybenot: Well done, you wouldn't rape an unconscious woman. You meet some of the minimum standards for human decency.
Want a cookie?
Schizophrenics: They weren't unconscious. They were just drunk. They would flirt and such, and I'd just make sure they got home safe or went to bed ok and so on.
I like to think I'm a decent human, but I've witnessed worse... So yes, I'd like a cookie. White chip macadamia nut please :)
theodrixx: I don't really know nor care whether or not you did the right thing (I don't know the details of the situations you refer to), but I'm sure there's no need to sound so self-congratulatory about it either way.
Schizophrenics: Which is understandable. I can't disagree, because personally, why care about something that you can't help, nor change? So, I understand your point.
I wasn't really trying to sound extremely proud of myself, or self congratulatory... I just take pride in the fact that I try to do the right thing more often than not. Honestly, that means more to me specifically because I am trying not to be a fucking prick like I used to be. So, I'm not patting myself on the back every five minutes. I just, I dunno. It does kinda look bad now that I think of it. My apologies.
BigDickSwag: You really didn't sound that self-congratulatory, you just sound like a good guy trying to contribute to the conversation.
Schizophrenics: Thanks man, I felt like I was bragging after the other response. I don't like bragging and I try my best not to in any situation.
Thanks again.
amongstheliving: You definitely were not boasting, and I usually call guys out on it.. I am a pretty outspoken female in those terms (I grew up with brothers). See my above reply to theodrixx
| 12 | 82.25 | |
1367992095 | 1368126983 | null | t5_2to41 | 18 | Trifax: TIFU by planning my senior prom without realizing it all is scheduled to happen the same night as a mandatory stage performance.
Background: I'm an actor and am currently assistant directing/assistant stage managing a production at a community theater that opens on Friday the 17th. My responsibilities with this big production include an on-stage part, as well as work with a djembe throughout the production.
On the other hand, I asked a girl to my senior prom a couple weeks ago. Today I bought the tickets, which totaled to $220. That's a pretty hefty commitment, yeah?
So now I realize that both of these (basically) mandatory events are happening on the same night at the same time. Given that the director of the stage production doesn't even think performing at Benaroya Hall (in seattle) is a good enough reason to miss one rehearsal...I think I'm pretty solidly fucked here.
I have an idea for a plan to get replacements for the stage production, as I pretty much can't just cancel the prom (due to my commitment to my date, not to mention the financial involvement, which is hefty for my family).
tl;dr planned my whole senior prom out and it turned out to be the same night as a performance of a big stage production that I'm a huge part of. And I didn't realize it until tonight.
UPDATE: I'm going to miss the show for that one night so that I can go to my prom. But my director isn't happy, of course, and I have to find replacements. I hate to upset them at the theater, but I've done a considerable amount of charitable work for their benefit.
green_griffon: I didn't understand the part about the director not thinking that performing at Benaroya Hall is a good enough reason to miss one rehearsal? I thought the prom overlapped with the opening show, not a rehearsal? Or is this some OTHER thing at Benaroya?
It won't help you get out of this predicament, just wondering.
Trifax: The benaroya hall issue was a different thing. I got the chance to perform there, and it overlaps with a Saturday rehearsal. That's actually this Saturday, so we'll see what happens. I was just giving context about what kind of director she is and what kind of expectations she has.
| 3 | 6 | |
1368008674 | 1368023031 | null | t5_2to41 | 45 | jazzyd38: TIFU by pouring an entire pack of Mio into my bottle of water
Guys, i dont know why i did it, I saw the commercial saying "squirt a little or a lot" and i wanted to try to use the entire package (meant for 24 servings) for my bottle of water. Needless to say i drank the entire thing, it was fucking disgusting, but i didnt want to pour $3 into the sink, so i forced myself to do it. Beyond fucking sweet. 2 hours later and my stomach hurts like fuck, i vomited twice, and my teeth hurt like hell.
nhalstead: Next time just keep it and pour a shot into other water bottles when you're ready to drink.
jazzyd38: im normally the kind of guy that would try to do that, leave it in the fridge for a while, then end up throwing it away.
I did think about that, and my conclusion was to gulp it down.
depricatedzero: and then gulp it up
| 4 | 11.25 | |
1368036070 | 1368043250 | null | t5_2to41 | 125 | beefwitted_brouhaha: TIFU and got a job offer rescinded
I've been looking for an engineering co-op for months and I finally heard back from two companies in one week! Got an offer from the first but was still waiting to hear from the second so I emailed them back saying the following:
"I am, however, waiting to hear back from another position for this coming summer and therefore would like to have until the end of the week to make my decision. I don’t think it would be wise of me to make a commitment quite yet and I am just making sure I am fair with the other employer."
Apparently he couldn't wait until the end of the week and gave the job to someone else.
cshaxercs: You should never say that you are waiting to hear back from another company (company b). It just shows that (company a) isn't your top company, and sort of a "backup" company for you. Companies and people think alike. If you said something like (Thank you so much for this opportunity! I am very excited that I got this position, but I would like to have a week to decide before making this commitment.) It shows that you really wanted this job, and you are very excited for it. The last thing you want to show is that the job you just got, didn't mean much. I hope this help. Feel free if you want to ask anything else. *I have been in your shoes before. Trust me, I've seen a lot worse.*
mcmunchie: I think straight-up contacting the other company ASAP and explaining the situation would be even better.
"Hi, I received another offer today but wanted to check with you guys before making the commitment."
Something like that. It shows you're interested enough to consider passing on the other company without jeopardizing your position with either.
That said, I think OP's response probably means that he/she wasn't really into the first job to begin with, so perhaps it all worked out for the better...
cshaxercs: That is true. Basically you have to show interest (even if you don't want the job) to show some kind of excitement of getting the job. So bottom line, however you present the information to the employer, thank them for the job and show that your excited/happier cause you did get it.
| 4 | 31.25 | |
1368034515 | 1368455842 | null | t5_2to41 | 1,083 | cshaxercs: TIFU by “sleeping 10 minutes in”
TIFU by “sleeping 10 minutes in”.
So you know how whenever wakes up early in the morning *6am for me*, they would usually hit snooze and say, yea just 10 more minutes? Well that was me this morning. **BUT**, instead of 10 minutes, this “snooze” turned out to be 1 hour and 45 minutes. And what woke me up, was my Boss’s phone call at 7:43am. So at 7:45 I rushed out without showering, brushing my teeth, or eating. I ran to my car as I put on my clothes, and I fucking tripped on my shoelace or pants (I don’t even know which one exactly) and I ripped my $80 dress shirt from Banana Republic as well as a fresh wound on my cheek bone. AT LEAST I GOT TO WORK RIGHT….? **WRONG**, So as I was speeding to work I realized that I forgot my ID badge (to get into the buildings). I quickly made an illegal U-turn (because I was just frustrated and only thinking about getting to work), and guess what? There was a cop right there camped on the side. WOW, RIGHT? I didn’t know making an illegal U-turn was $281.00 mistake. After all that was done I finally made it work at 9am. At the end of the day: I smelled like shit cause I didn’t shower/brush teeth, ripped my nice clothes, got a scar on my face, got a $280.00 ticket, missed 2 hours of pay, got yelled at by the boss, and just had a miserable day from then on. Moral of the story: **Never sleep in again. AND I MEAN IT.**
* **[Update]**: *Back Story: So basically I got this "dream job" like 1.5 months ago. I already missed a day of work. My boss already had a "talk" with me 1 month in, and I told him it would never happen again. (I'm the person who hates being late and hate to disappoint). So I did whatever I could to rush to work (the only thing on my mind was to get to work as fast as possible).*
i_am_sad: So uhh... not firsthand experience or anything, but you won't smell like shit by skipping 1 day of showering/teeth brushing.
Not unless you shit yourself the night before.
Furthermore, a scratch on the face won't scar if you put some balm on it to clear it up as it heals.
Lastly, a $1 needle and a $1 spool of thread with a near matching color will salvage that needlessly expensive T-Shirt in about 5 minutes, or if that fails you can just go buy the exact same thing at Walmart for $10 without the expensive name.
Oh, and if you want to look nice, then you should probably tie your shoes well, or at the very least wear pants that fit.
CodyShadowreign: Look at this faggot. He has all the answers. Bravo, queer, bravo! Being 14 has got to be nice.
i_am_sad: When I was 14 I was diagnosed with depression. I feel it stems from the death of my sister when I was 7. For nearly a decade I've lived with that depression, and anxiety, and suffering. I try to cope but it's hard, and most days I don't even feel like trying.
When I was in highschool people thought I was gay. I wasn't, and I'm still not, but that didn't stop people from thinking it. The football team was the only group of people to bother me with it though, they always grabbed me in the halls or slapped my ass, or tried to mess with me in the locker rooms. Everyone else mostly kept to themselves. I was kicked out of highschool over five years ago though, so I don't know why I even still think about it all. I really should stop living in the past.
Most people live in the past because their lives have gone sour, and they want to relive when they were happy, but I can never remember being happy. At best, I remember being content, but that was a long long time ago, in another life time. Multiple lifetimes ago. I'm not that person anymore, and I haven't been for almost two decades now.
I think I live in the past so much because I never quite moved on from it. Nothing got better like it was supposed to, I still just sit here, I still think about where I've gone wrong, and what I could have done to avoid being so unhappy. So alone.
Most days I don't even want to wake up, which is weird because with my constant nightmares I never want to go to sleep either. Sometimes I stay up 30, even 40 hours at a time, to avoid sleeping until I'm so out of it I can't remember the nightmares. Mostly they're stupid. I'm at school, being chased. I get stuck in an elevator, finally it catches up to me, but I escape. The tile changes, it turns green. Green and white, and long corridors everywhere. I'm back at the hospital again. It's still chasing me though, and I don't like the hospital. I always get lost, and the elevators always break but I can never find the stairs and I have to go down to the first floor so I can escape. I never make it though, it catches me and I wake up back at the start, with that stupid fucking green and white tile.
Sometimes I get shot in my dreams. Mostly I get attacked and tortured. Every once in a while, I do the shooting, and that scares me more than the others, because I enjoy it too much for it to be a nightmare. I shouldn't enjoy it, and the fact that I do is what makes it a nightmare, it's so scary that it's so easy to take those lives. I don't even care, they're all meaningless anyway. Life is meaningless.
I still think about her every day, my sister. I can't even remember her voice, I just remember her teasing, and her playing, and how close we were. If I think real hard, sometimes I can see her face, but not very often. Sometimes when I dream, she dies. I'm stuck looking through the keyhole in the door, watching her. Watching them. They try to save her, but she's gone. The firemen come, but they can't do anything either. Everyone is yelling at her, and I can't figure out why she won't answer. My whole family is sitting out there, trying to help her, and I'm so powerless. I'm locked in the bedroom, because I just get in the way. They don't want me to watch her die, they don't want me to remember that, but I do. It's not the first time I've seen someone die either. When I was a toddler I went to visit my grandma, in the nursing home. It was big, like 10 stories, full of elderly people in their apartments. Not quite full though, one of them decided he didn't want to live there anymore.
People are screaming, he's flying through the air, it's so confusing, why was he up there anyway? The sound, it was the sound that bothered me, as he hit the sidewalk. The sound was the worst, worse than watching him fall, worse than my dad trying to drag us away, worse than the people screaming. The firetrucks came then too, but they couldn't save him, just like they couldn't save my sister.
I wonder if they still remember as well.
Remember the fear, and the confusion.
I wonder if they have nightmares too.
CodyShadowreign: Are you sure that you aren't a faggot? You seem like a faggot.
i_am_sad: Let me check...
Nope, are you sure you aren't thinking of that one guy, what's his name.... little short guy, can't hardly get chicks to notice him... Oh, right, CodyShadowreign.
What kind of faggot goes to a subreddit for 4chan? That's just pathetic.
CodyShadowreign: Only the beardiest of necks would make such a faggoty response. Don't project yourself onto me.
i_am_sad: 3edgy5me
CodyShadowreign: Having Downs Syndrome must be really hard on you.
i_am_sad: Not as hard as I am on your mother.
CodyShadowreign: Well, someone had to knock the dust off of that pussy.
| 11 | 98.454545 | |
1368037697 | 1368095419 | null | t5_2to41 | 42 | zombihuntr: TIFU by puking in my boss' car.
Well, it was actually in the 6th, but it's still haunting me.
We went out for Cinco De Mayo, and I warned him that tequila and I don't get along, but him and my coworker kept bringing me free drinks. And OF COURSE I kept drinking them. Can't let them go to waste right?
I have never been so sick in my entire life. I wasn't able to drive, let alone walk to my car, so our DD took us all back to our boss' place. My stomach couldn't handle the 45 minute drive, and I ended up spilling my guts all over the back seat.
The worst part? He wouldn't let me pay for it to get cleaned, so now I have no way to make up for my shame.
I plan on slipping a check under his door on Monday before he fires me.
swordfishtrombonez: Sounds like he's cool with it.
Next time drink much slower, and place yourself with water.
midnight3896: Hah! This guy.
sgt_roflman: I know right!
| 4 | 10.5 | |
1368042116 | 1368078995 | null | t5_2to41 | 204 | ToniDoubleYou: TIFU... Reddit, I come to you after having just painted my vagina purple...
So, Today I fucked up...
I put a bottle of purple nail polish in my pocket expecting to paint my nails on the hour long drive I had to make, while my boyfriend drove. He didn't get off work in time so, I left on my own and running very late. Fast forward 2 hours. On the way home, I had to stop at a gas station to avoid urinating on myself, then running out of gas. (Both pretty bad fuck ups.) After urination, a further inspection of my vagina found it had purple paint all over it in a trail leading up to my pocket. What is this sorcery?! The lid had not been fully tightened leading to spillage in my pocket, which led to my thigh, and eventually my poor, poor vagina. I never even felt it leaking. :(
dylanfarnum: Pics or it didn't happen.
ToniDoubleYou: I knew this exact comment would come up at some point.
Identify_the_feel: I don't see a link to the pic anywhere in that comment. We aren't kidding, pics or this story is entirely fabricated and downvotes will be issued.
ToniDoubleYou: Well, I guess, I'm just a total liar. Downvotes shall be accepted mainly because I don't want to put my vagina on the internet.
fishfash: how irresponsible of you
Cougs67: Not sure why you're downvoted, looks like obvious sarcasm to me
| 7 | 29.142857 | |
1368047153 | 1368186327 | null | t5_2to41 | -2 | [deleted]: TIFU by doing a thumbs up at a track meet.
Alright so I run the 200 and I'm really slow because of a bad injury I had with my leg last year. I had joined track in the hopes I could become fast again and overall just get back into shape. Bad idea. No matter how hard I tried and all the exercises I did, my fucking leg would not strengthen or improve.
I would get like 2 or 3 more than everyone else (for the 200, a decent time is like 25-27 seconds and the best I could do was a 32). So, after thoroughly embarrassing myself at the first meet, I decided not to go to the other 7 meets. I was the shittiest sprinter so I thought "They won't care, right?" WRONG. My coach at first didn't notice, but my friends started saying that he was getting pissed I wasn't going to the meets. At this point, there was only one more meet left for the JV team. I went to all the practices, so I thought he couldn't knock me for that. One day, I was feeling pretty shitty and my friend offered to buy me ice cream. Well guess what? MY COACH SAW ME while he was driving home and saw I skipped the track practice.
The next day him and the head coach called me over. They yelled and pissed on me, saying how I wasn't taking this team seriously (honestly, no one does) and that they wanted to kick me off the team for skipping the track meets and that one practice, but decided to give me one more chance. If I missed one more or meet, they would kick my ass off the team. Now I bet you're wondering why I didn't just quit after the first meet or just say that I was embarrassed because I couldn't perform anymore? Well, I need this JV letter for college, I honestly still fucking think there's a chance I can still fix my leg, and honestly I hate quitting in general and I would only feel pathetic if I did. As for telling them the truth, I had a feeling they just wouldn't give a shit and would only think lesser of me that I was making "excuses".
So yeah, I went to the last meet. I hated it. I sucked. It wasn't fun. I had already run my JV 100 and all that was left was the 200. There was another coach on the team for the girls team. Let's call him Griff. Griff was the man. He was for the most part always nice and he had been my gym teacher for all classes since 9th grade and I'm pretty sure he liked me back. He didn't really even care that much that I had skipped all the meets (probably because I wasn't his problem). Anyway, me and him were tight. Not anymore. I was close to the finish line and I was had somehow managed to be beating someone else in the race. I heard someone yell "GO RAVIIIIIIII" and I thought "OoOoH my fans are watching!" so I did a huge thumbs up as I went through the finish line. BIG FUCKING MISTAKE. Suddenly, my coach starts tearing me apart, yelling "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!! YOU THINK THIS IS A JOKE?!??! YOUR GONNA BE OFF THE TEAM!!! NEVER DO THAT AGAIN!" I felt like shit because now the only coach that didn't hate and the one I actually liked now thinks I'm a stupid asshole. But I just didn't get it. I did something so small and insignificant and they acted like I had shoved a baby into a woodchopper. The thumbs up DIDNT DO SHIT WHAT THE FUCK.
So now, I'm probably not even going to get my letter, all the coaches hate me, everyone on the track team for some reason hates me God hates meFUCK FUCK FUCK. Alright, I'm done. Bye.
That_Kid_On_Reddit: Did you explain to your coach that you gave everyone a thumbs up? Maybe he could have mistaken it and thought you we're giving everyone the finger.
brown_man_bob: I saw him today and he was still amgry but not as mad as before. I asked him if he thought I gave the finger, but no. He saw and knew I did a thumbs up and that's why he got pissed. I'm still confused too :/
That_Kid_On_Reddit: I would be confused too, Your coach sounds like he's just an asshole.
| 4 | -0.5 | |
1368056223 | 1368250918 | null | t5_2to41 | 41 | benwubbleyou: TIFU by walking in front of an ambulance.
As I was on my way back from my internship, I get off the bus to head to the train station. Very normal, blasting my metal as usual, as I go to cross the street to the station I can't see what's coming to the left of me because there is a bus in the way(not a valid excuse), so I just continue walking like normal. I notice everyone is kinda looking at my like wtf and I am halfway across. When I look the left of me and there is an ambulance headed straight for me. Of course I run out of the way but now I am that guy. My music was too loud to hear the sirens and now my shame is paying for it.
Tl;dr - turn your music down
TheRealMrMo: Upvote for the metal. \m/ What did you listen to?
literally_a_whale: I love watching reddit metal fans interact. It's like seeing puppies realize there are other puppies.
an_ill_mallard: Ahaha that was beautiful.
| 4 | 10.25 | |
1368031524 | 1368072980 | null | t5_2to41 | 35 | malebluedolphin: TIFU by using the wrong creme
I've got this heat rash in both of my armpits and elbowpits. So I go into my bathroom and bust out the Cortizone 10 right? Nope. I smeared IcyHot all over and its still burning.
syscofresh: In high school me and my friends used to rub icy hot on our balls and see who could last the longest without running to the bathroom to wash it off.
Excorcistllamas: Wow.....and I thought I was an ingenious child.
| 3 | 11.666667 | |
1368067925 | 1368070304 | null | t5_2to41 | 4 | Twayhrow123123123: Tifu by clicking random
As title says clicked random and ended up on /r/spacedicks
What was seen cannot be unseen & i am scarred for life
Mrlucky77: I thought nsfw subs were off Random.
Twayhrow123123123: I had the filter off since its mobile
Not a smart man
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1368068317 | 1368086455 | null | t5_2to41 | 47 | glenn469: TIFU by super-gluing my tongue to my teeth.
So I was gluing my phone back together, managed to get superglue all over the side of my finger(s) and they started to sick together, At the time I was in a position where I couldn't stop holding it or I would destroy my phone, so I decided to lick my finger to try stop them sticking together, next thing I know, my tongue is stuck to my top front two teeth... so I finally got it unstuck and now have a filthy taste in my mouth and picking off superglue which is stuck between my front teeth and tongue.
rlmaster01: I'm just trying to figure out the thought process of licking your fingers to remove the super glue. Why did you think that would work?
glenn469: well you know how most things dont stick to wet surfaces, ie they need to be dry, i thought licking it would stop my fingers togeather. was licking to stop the glue setting.
Maeve89: Next time, just spit on them!
glenn469: yes!
| 5 | 9.4 | |
1368075089 | 1368133527 | null | t5_2to41 | 20 | DarkMark3: TIFU by using Irish Spring "Electrify"
So I get into the shower like on every normal morning, usually spend five minutes. However, today the soap/shampoo I usually use isn't there. Aside from that, we have face scrub and this bottle of Irish Spring.
Now, being me, not only am I tired as balls, but I also do not turn on the light. I cannot see what this soap is, and haven't seen it before because I don't look where it was, ever. I assume that it is normal Irish Spring, knowing that we've had that before.
Nope. I lather the shit onto everything including my crotch, and just let me tell you, when a soap says "Electrify," it means fucking business. This shit is the hot pepper equivalent of soap. I try my best to stop the electrification, but nothing fucking works. Water would not sooth it, covering it would not sooth it, and a handfull of face scrub would not sooth it. My five minute in-and-out shower easily became a ten minute sit-there-holding-dick-and-balls-as-if-they-will-fall-off shower.
Needless to say I used face scrub until there was a charge neutral soap.
tl;dr: My entire crotch is shocked by soap.
adberq: Sounds like an allergic reaction.. I use this shit on a daily basis and don't have that reaction.
Stop being a pussy - if you want to electrify your crotch pour some hot sauce on it.
DarkMark3: But why stop at hot sauce? Why not have sex with a pepper? That's supposed to be painful.
| 3 | 6.666667 | |
1368076830 | 1368262533 | null | t5_2to41 | 110 | thatmaleckid: TIFU by trying to make healthy eating choices
So I am making the road trip back home after my second semester. I hadn't eaten since around 9 am central time, it was now 6 pm mountain time. I enter the convenience store, here begins our story down to fuckupville.
I walk over to the counter and place the items I have decided to purchase, fuck up number one, convenience store pizza, I was starved. fuck up number two, trying to counteract said pizza with the healthy choice of cantaloupe melon and not properly reading the label, more on that later. and fuck up number three, thinking that sweet tea and milk were a good idea combination to wash it all down. (mildly lactose intolerant, but it hasn't bothered me in months)
We get about 15 minutes down the road, I've downed the pizza and milk and now it's dessert time. I take a bite out of the cantaloupe and think, this tastes weird... I flip the label up, fucking high fructose corn syrup is the third ingredient. Immediately I stop, high fructose fucking corn syrup. Being an idiot I continued to eat the shit. It tastes funny still but I am chalking it up to the HFCS.
Now we are two more hours down the road from that, the pizza and milk are battling it out, nothing out of the norm, just my mind racing hoping I don't end up unlucky and shitting myself to end up on TIFU.
The addition of this bad cantaloupe added a new level to the gurgles, levels I had never felt before in my entire life. The sugar content of the tea and the nasty 'loupe seemed to combine to create nauseating waves of pure rancid nastiness. I am thinking to myself, please esophagus, don't get shorter, do not make me spill this all over the inside of this car.
Unfortunately, this is why I am here, I screamed as my esophagus shrunk, PULL THE FUCKING CAR OVER. and right before it stopped I spewed inside the door, pooling it in the door pockets. I projectile vomit into the New Mexico wilderness. Within two minutes, it was all over. My nausea was gone and I felt good. Until I looked back at the car.
Apparently busting a gut inside the car caused my mother and sister to vomit as well, I will be trying to clean off my luggage for the rest of the night..
**TL;DR Don't fucking eat convenience store cantaloupe, ever**
qu1ckbeam: You bought a cantaloupe that had multiple ingredients, one of which was HFCS?
What the hell did you actually buy?
skatterbug: Probably canned cantaloupe. The syrup that it is canned with would probably contain the HFCS.
i_is_smart: that makes sense. I also couldnt figure out how a natural product has HFCS added to it.
metalfan2680: They'll always find a way to fuck up something healthy. This is why we can't have nice things
| 5 | 22 | |
1368067384 | 1368100486 | null | t5_2to41 | 9 | [deleted]: Visit from the plumber... Surprise
Today as a went around my usually business of morning bludging, I heard a noise from the door, shocked and Curious I stood up and ran to the door, it was the plumber,I was wearing my crappy home clothes and extremely bright pink crocs( sexy I know), the plumber explained that he was here to install a new tap and toliet in the upstairs bathroom. I let him in and said this was not a problem, but that I had no money and wasn't expecting him Today, he said this was fine and he was prepaid by my parents before.
Nearly an hour had past and I was busting to go to the toilet, I hadn't been near the bathroom and thought the plumber had left, the tap and toilet was installed and all the tools and boxes where taken away. I, like most people decided to sit on my new delux toilet, it was a great experience almost as exciting as losing my virginty. soon i started to wonder about plumbers and then as most people my age began to think more dirty and sooner then later the wonderful idea of masterbation and porn crosses my mind. As I changed gears from a steady stroke to a more vicious fap I heard a distinct noise, one I knew form recent experiences the opening of my bathroom door...
At that exact moment I don't think I've Ever made felt more seman leave me body, to my suprise the plumber stood there at the door way and said "sorry I didn't know you were in here, the job is all good and I'm leaving now goodbye "... Absolutely stunned I replied" thanks" ... Tifu
bosonfiver: Nice lyrical quality to your writing..
fictionalnaz: bit rushed as you can tell.
GazzaK: >bit rushed as you can tell
as was the moment of release
| 4 | 2.25 | |
1368078713 | 1368154340 | null | t5_2to41 | 317 | [deleted]: TIFU by trying to use Nair on my vagina
So I usually shave, but I thought that this would be easier and work better somehow. I find some 7+ year old Nair in a bathroom in my home. It says "Warning: do not use around pubic area" or something like that. It smells really strong (probably both because of its age and because I think they've formulated Nair now so it doesn't smell as bad). I mean, it says not to do it, but I can handle this. These stupid hair removal companies, always coddling us. I spread a thick layer over everything as indicated. I try not to gag at the strong smell and note that it does burn a bit on contact with my skin. Make note of the time. After a few minutes, the burning intensifies. Starts to get pretty bad. But I have a high pain tolerance; I can take it. Nearing the end of the time, it hurts pretty intensely. I go into the shower to rinse it off and discover that my labia are kind of bloody. This is when I notice that not only did the Nair take off my hair, but also the top layer of my skin. I gingerly touch it, and yes, the skin has indeed been burned off and is somewhat bloody. Also my vagina smells like Nair. At least when I wash it with (burning) soap it doesn't smell bad but the top layer of skin is gone.
Maeve89: Do NOT wash that area with soap now. If it's so bad it's bleeding then you need to get to a doctor asap. If not then just be REALLY CAREFUL and just wash it with cool water. Nair is fucked up, shaving is better because at least then there's no nasty chemicals around a very delicate area. Just super sharp blades...
Vesper_Martini: Now I don't want to shave there again....everything seems to have a danger!
Waxing=hot wax near a delicate area
Razors=sharp blades
Nair=chemical burn
Am I missing anything?
Maeve89: I've used an epilator, try hundreds of tiny tweezer heads potentially pulling on your skin. Works pretty well though, once you get used to the mild pain of having hairs pulled out of a delicate area! Like plucking your eyebrows, only.... lower.
jorwyn: Augh. I can't even manage to use one of those on my legs. It's horrible!
Shaving, I'm okay with. I'll stick with it.
And thank goodness my bf prefers I don't shave my pubic hair. At first, it was weird and I didn't like it. Now, I just keep it trimmed, and damn, it's easier!
Maeve89: I'm recently single, and it's autumn here now so I don't have to shave anything! Freedommmmmmm! Until I get itchy dry skin from not shaving my legs.
jorwyn: I hate it when my legs aren't shaved. They itch soooo much. I already have psoriasis on them. I've learned to ignore it, but any tiny itch will set it off and make my shins itch SO MUCH! So, I have to shave at least every other day - which involves long showers, carefully exfoliating, and then shaving with a men's razor that vibrates. It really makes a HUGE difference. No more nicks! :D Well, at least, almost none - and with psoriasis, that's a miracle. :D
Maeve89: Lucky me, I don't have any skin conditions! Legs just get dry and itchy after a while of not shaving. Which doesn't make sense to me, as I'm essentially exfoliating them when I shave so shouldn't they be drier afterwards? But laziness will make me ignore it til I can't stand it anymore.
jorwyn: Do you use shaving cream? I do, and mine has skin conditioners in it. Most do... and they keep your legs softer and more moisturised. You could probably just put some lotion like Eucerin with Alpha Hydroxy on them for the same effect. (Alpha hydroxy is an exfoliant.)
Maeve89: Lol no. I use hair conditioner, shower gel, shampoo, whatever I have on hand. Again, lazy! Really wanna get a waterproof epilator again, those things are marvellous.
jorwyn: I can't... those HURT! I'm a wuss when it comes to minor pains. I can handle a broken rib better than a paper cut. No pulling hairs out for me!
I'd really really love some form of permanent hair removal for my legs and underarms, honestly.. but the cost and pain scare me.
I seriously think lotion would fix your problem. A good lotion, not some crappy smelly stuff.
| 11 | 28.818182 | |
1368108351 | 1368126082 | null | t5_2to41 | 74 | tributetothegreatest: TIFU by googling a potential employer's number
A bit of background, I've been looking for internships in media for a few weeks and got a call back today. I missed call and got given a number to call about a potential position.
Being curious about this I decided to google the number given to find out more information about the company.
The first result was a fetish hook-up site.
I'm a bit freaked out and not sure what to do. I would never mention it due to common decency but now I'm scared to call back in case it's a Backroom Couch scenario.
itsfish20: call it anyway! i mean what's calling back a number gonna hurt?
altruistic_objective: Yes, step into my web...
| 3 | 24.666667 | |
1368052271 | 1368213355 | null | t5_2to41 | 24 | gearodo: TIFU by "taking it easy" during exams.
My state examinations are drawing nearer and nearer and I have gradually been consumed in project work* for various teachers. A few nights ago I stayed up till 5am finishing a science project that was "supposed to be done days ago" only to hand it in to my chilled out teacher who replies "you're done it all already?". I, being to egotistical idiot that I am decided that I was overworked. "You know? just a little break" I tell myself. Big mistake. Fast forward about a week and I get a facebook message: "yeah btw u never finished your craft .. and he closed your floder :? ". My friend informs me that I have have forgotten to finish about a quarter of the final grade's worth of work for my art class project work. My teacher has sealed the folders they get posted off to grading areas in and there is no way of slipping my art pieces into my folder so I get the marks I need.
I am now sitting on my bed more stressed than I have ever been and surrounded in more work than I have ever done. I'm looking at shitty results all round right now...
*Hours of work poured into shitty little folders.
[deleted]: Are you in Ireland by any chance? Also, did you ask your teacher personally, because sometimes they say they are sealing them to make people hurry up, they did that to my friend a few years back!
solongsue: I also thought Ireland too. State exams seems too Irish. Those stupid envelopes.
[deleted]: Yeah it sounds very Irish!
Eugh I didn't do Art but I helped my friend the day she was sealing hers! And I did TG. They were such a nuisance!
gearodo: haha! Its hilarious how easy it is to see that this is an Irish problem.
| 5 | 4.8 | |
1368118886 | 1368207155 | null | t5_2to41 | 941 | [deleted]: TIFU when I got my period all over my boyfriend's parent's white bath mat.
I just had surgery and so my body has been acting a little strange this week. I knew I was due for my period but I wasn't quite expecting how it chose to arrive. My boyfriend's parents are taking care of me while I recover, so this morning I went to take a shower (glorious!) and I paused a few seconds to steady myself (abdominal incisions, ouch) during which time the floodgates opened and I splooged period all over their white bath mat. Frantically, I tried to scrub it off but it went through the mat onto the floor beneath.
Cut to: me doing the walk (hobble) of shame by his father to put it in the laundry. I really, really hope it comes out and no one asks me why I felt the need to wash the bath mat that was JUST washed two days ago.
UPDATED 7:00 pm EST: Thanks for the protips and the kind responses! I just "came clean" to boyfriend's Mom and she was super compassionate about it. Actually, more like she laughed her ass off, apologized for laughing, laughed more, and then hugged me.
Best news is: bath mat looks good! No crime scene tape needed.
Nice when these TIFU's have a happy ending. <3
iamMess: I feel so bad for you :(
[deleted]: Gah, I think it's gonna be fine. I told my boyfriend and we both were like, "Looks like you got yourself a TIFU."
emocol: you're both redditors?
[deleted]: Yep! He'll probably see this and face-palm himself into next Tuesday.
Condawg: Now he knows your username. **ABORT!**
l0ngballs: i would absolutely delete my account if anyone found out my real name was wayne campbell
wait. fuck.
Condawg: That would have been much funnier if you had deleted your account. Now you're tagged and, whether that's your real name or not, you have to live with it. Wayne.
l0ngballs: party on, garth
Condawg: ...Son of a bitch
| 10 | 94.1 | |
1368121172 | 1368228289 | null | t5_2to41 | 24 | Quetz23: Didnt go into work because I thought I worked at 4pm. I did not.
I feel terrible about this... This is so unlike me. Ive never been more than a few minutes late but today I thought I worked at 4pm. I checked before I left my last shift and could swear it was 4pm. I was out today and my job had been calling- It was 2:20pm when I got a hold of them. Apparently I worked at 1pm and they had found a replacement.
They didnt seem mad- Its not like I have a history of this. I havent even needed to call in sick since Ive started there, and I stay late a lot. But I still feel like shit. The job I dont care so much about, but I like my coworkers; and I probably really fucked up their day considering the small staff.
TLDR: Im a forgetful asshole. Plus I lose eight hours of pay which I desperately need.
[deleted]: I am so afraid of this happening to me, I work at a gas station since last month and have to stand up at 7 am on sundays, my fear of oversleeping is making me wake up really damn fast ;) Actually am really proud of not calling in sick and not coming too late until now because that just happens with school too often :P
bosonfiver: Upvote for a good work ethic . Keep it up
[deleted]: Thank you very much, I most likely will, since my job is much my only income :P
| 4 | 6 | |
1368147985 | 1368150420 | t3_1e0tps | t5_2to41 | 33 | [deleted]: Dude honestly I wouldn't have that shit. That's practically assault and incredibly unprofessional as stated above. Even if your accusation doesn't really do much at least you still get the word out that that chick is a straight up bitch.
VivaLaVodkaa: Normally, I'm not one to take things lying down anyway. If I don't like something, I'll complain about it. I'm not sure what it was about this situation that deterred me from complaining right away though, probably the lack of proof. But you're right. Even without the proof, at least it will leave a better impression than not doing anything at all. I plan on complaining tomorrow.
[deleted]: Yeah man even if nothing comes out of it at least it may save future patients mouths! I hope you heal well though dude that must be seriously painful. It just so happens that I'm getting all four of my wisdoms taken out this saturday so I'm going to be sure I'm super nice and sweet to everyone haha.
VivaLaVodkaa: Haha yeah man, that's what I'm hoping for. A bit of salt water rinse and I should be as good as new, no big deal really. Damn, a quadruple wisdom tooth extraction. My friend went through that a year ago. The first few days are a bit rough as you might expect, but they heal pretty quick so you have nothing to worry about. Good luck with your surgery.
[deleted]: I was expecting far worse so that is a serious relief! Good luck to you as well and much appreciated.
VivaLaVodkaa: Thank you man.
| 6 | 5.5 | |
1368128715 | 1368298688 | null | t5_2to41 | 71 | bbdax: TIFU by trying to give my dog a mohawk
Every year when spring rolls around, I bring my Pomeranian, Gretzky, to the groomers to get his fuzzy winter coat buzzed off. Having recently acquired a "Pet Grooming Kit" I thought I would do it myself, and give him a mohawk while I was at it. Sadly, dog grooming does not appear to be one of my natural talents. It is way harder then you would think to get it all even. He kind of looks like he might have mange on the other side.
Pictures:
[Mom what are you doing to me?](http://i.imgur.com/mDpihau)
[Resigned](http://i.imgur.com/N5Ks7AA.jpg)
EDIT: [video of the finished product](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7JXOUl1kCwg&feature=youtu.be) sorry about the vertical camera angle
elf25: need a spacer on the clippers. http://www.drsfostersmith.com/product/prod_display.cfm?c=3307+5+19916&pcatid=19916
bbdax: I have a few spacers, but I was going for a really close shave, and the largest I had was too big I guess. Although in all honesty I've never used clippers before, so.
qu1ckbeam: You need a spacer so you don't cut your dog and make him bleed and develop an aversion to grooming. My dog turns into a fucking dingo when I pull out the clippers because I didn't realize this fact early on.
Use the smallest spacer and shave against the direction of hair growth to get a nice close shave.
bbdax: Good advice, thank you!
| 5 | 14.2 | |
1368132627 | 1368257800 | null | t5_2to41 | 86 | OblivionsMemories: TIFU by thinking I could clean up my backyard by myself.
So my boyfriend is at work, I'm bored as hell, and I decide; hey, the backyard is in a total state of disarray, why don't I get it cleaned up?
I marched out my door armed with a bottle of raid, one gardening glove (still not sure where my other one went), a broom, and the knowledge that my hose is awesome. I grab the hose, water everything, and decide it's time to hit the little wooden table we keep next to our bench swing. Feeling confident, I hose the table down, noting at the time but not bothered by the massive, thick webs surrounding it. I even thought to myself "Hm, pretty sure that's a black widow's web, oh well we hit this area with bug spray, I'm sure it's long dead."
I am set on not being a little girly pansy afraid of a couple spiders. After all; I have my glove!
Now it's time for the hard part. I gather all my strength and will and grab the table with my gloved hand to haul it to a better spot and flip it over. With a little difficulty, I manage to awkwardly get it into place with minimal touching from my non-gloved digits. So far, everything has gone better than expected. The table is upside down and no sign of any big nasties under it!
I grab the hose again and spray out the small recessed areas where the legs attach to the table, nothing comes running out at me. Yay!
I flip the table back over to drain it, then set it back down to hit it with raid. I splurged and got the awesome bottle that just shoots out a continuous stream of poison, so it was really easy to douse the entire underside of the table. Everything has gone off hitch free! Then, as I reach for the leg of the table to flip it back over and put it back into place, out crawls the fucking absolute GODZILLA of the black widow species. Her ass is the size of a quarter and she is carrying an egg sack.
I let out the most high pitched, girly scream a girl can make, followed by a loud, uncontrollable series of OH GOD NO's.
This attracted the attention of a local homeless girl who I sometimes give my recycling to. She walked over to see if she could help, rounded the corner and screamed "OH FUCK THIS" and backpedaled faster than I have ever seen anyone backpedal back into the alley behind my house.
All the noise roused my downstairs neighbor (I live in a quadplex) who, like the awesome manly man he is, came outside to take care of the problem. As he was smashing the baby-infested monster, a second black widow crawled out and was smashed immediately. Followed by a third. And then a fourth; this time a male (I'm terrified of spiders and believe one should know thine enemy).
After smashing all of them I thanked him profusely and whimpered my way upstairs. The cursed table is still sitting there surrounded by corpses.
DTorakhan: There is no meme that can convey the amount of NOPE this post instilled in me.
OblivionsMemories: I considered adding a gif, as I'm on a real computer for the first time in a while and actually can, but I couldn't find one that expressed the sheer amount of horror I felt. I'm REALLY afraid of spiders.
Zavager: I NEVER WANNA LIVE IN (INSERT YOUR COUNTRY HERE) I LOVE SWEDEN, NOTHING WANTS TO KILL ME HERE
OblivionsMemories: US, California to be specific. :p
[deleted]: Black widows crawling around my backyard in California when I was young instilled arachnophobia in me. Fuck you black widows.
| 6 | 14.333333 | |
1368152789 | 1368153774 | null | t5_2to41 | 2 | [deleted]: TIFU
I saw a really old xbox game that i played as a kid and i decided to buy it. When I got home and put it in my xbox 360 i learned that the game was to old to play. i was fine with it at first the game was only $5 so i decided to go buy the second one. I get home and put it to find that also is still to old to play, and that's how I lost $10. I decided that i could go return it but i lost the recite.
Thecobra117: This....isn't really that much of an issue....
And seeing how its pretty much entirely your fault for not keeping the receipt, it's self inflicted too.
calis: Sounds like he fucked up to me.
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1368159016 | 1368237725 | null | t5_2to41 | 185 | nmkitty: TIFU cutting my boyfriend's hair
long story short, he's bald now.
My boyfriend was cutting his hair in the bathroom and asked me to come touch it up. so I grabbed the razor, not realizing he had taken the guide comb off, and took a chunk out of his hair next to his ear. I tried to fix it and blend it in, but it made it look worse and the bald spot bigger. next i tried a high fade cut, but I failed at that too, and it ended up looking like a bowl cut. I ended up shaving his head completely.
side note: his mother has a fear of baldness and refuses to see him until the hair grows back.
Posts_Bad_Content: When does he get to return the favor?
nmkitty: oh dear lord, never! it is much worse to chop off a girl's hair!
[deleted]: If I were him I'd give you a normal haircut, and pretend that I did a horrible accident, just to make you panic.
| 4 | 46.25 | |
1368155451 | 1368193758 | null | t5_2to41 | 35 | tree_hugging_hippie: TIFU by trying Dieter's Green Tea.
So I'm trying to eat a little healthier. Today I stopped at an Asian supermarket, mostly to look around. I spotted some dieter's green tea, and I remembered that someone had recommended it to me a while back, so I picked some up. I ran some errands with the hubby, and a few hours later when we got home, I decided to try some.
That was at about 3:30 this afternoon. It's now 11 pm, and I've already spent some time in the bathroom emptying my bowels of the nastiest, smelliest feces with a consistency that ranges from watery to 'fruit on the bottom' yogurt. My stomach is still cramping, my sphincter is on fire, and my guts are making ominous rumbling sounds. I fear I will be spending more time in the bathroom.
This is all because I didn't read the labels on the damn box. I checked it after my bathroom adventures, and found the culprit. There was a [hint](http://i.imgur.com/d5P5uzmh.jpg) on the box, and on the other side, a [notice](http://i.imgur.com/A0SwbeOh.jpg).
tl;dr - Senna tastes gross, and honey does not help.
s7eve06: Dang I just bought some of that 3 ballerina stuff to. Was gonna try it this weekend...
qu1ckbeam: Congratulations. You have purchased laxative tea. Enjoy the inevitable consequences that come from drinking laxative tea.
Imagine drinking a cup of green tea, then taking a laxative. Because I believe that's what dieter's tea boils down to, if you'll pardon the pun (tea = stimulant/appetite suppressant, senna = laxative).
tree_hugging_hippie: Yep, that's pretty much what it is. And it's fairly effective.
qu1ckbeam: Effective at getting all of the poop and water out of you. I can't imagine it's very effective at getting any fat out of you.
In fact, [it's not](http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/laxative-abuse-any-side-effects). It removes waste and water, not fat. In order to see any significant body effects, you'd have to use it long-term. And it's [dangerous](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laxative#Laxative_abuse) when used long-term. [Dangerous, ineffective](http://www.anred.com/lax.html) and counterproductive when it ends up slowing your metabolism.
tree_hugging_hippie: That's what I meant, effective as a laxative. Although, I originally thought it was just going to be some kind of super appetite suppressant. I was very wrong.
qu1ckbeam: I thought the EXACT SAME THING.
I had been humming and hawing over trying it, but wanted to google the ingredients first. I'm not dieting but it's a new tea and I *really* like trying new and exciting tea.
Thank you for sharing your cautionary tale because you probably saved me from shitting my pants.
tree_hugging_hippie: I am also a tea fanatic. I buy way more than I need, especially when I find new or unusual blends and flavors. This is the first time tea has betrayed me. I usually have a fairly tough digestive tract, but this stuff was definitely worse than ex-lax.
| 8 | 4.375 | |
1368152672 | 1368398580 | null | t5_2to41 | 15 | dancing_raptor_jesus: TIFU by trying to fufil some stupid OCD quirk of mine...
So I have OCD. NOt very severe but it does get in the way of life sometimes. Recently, if I am leaving the kitchen I have to open the door as wide as it will go, check to make sure the fridge/freezer doors are shut (it is about 10 feet away from the door) and run back and go through the door before it closes. Today I did that while holding a cup of tea in my hand (the reason I went to the kitchen). The door was on teh edge of closing when I got back to it so I flung it open not realising that my big toa was in the way. So I wacked my toenail as hard as I could with a solid wooden door and then dropped my tea on it because I had flung my arms up into the air at the pain of the stubbing. All this and I'm pulling an all nighter to get work in...
ssjkriccolo: The 'beautiful ' thing about OCD : this experience won't change shit.
dancing_raptor_jesus: I know... though I have resisted the urge a few times once or twice. My toe apprently doesn't want a repeat.
| 3 | 5 | |
1368191023 | 1368239508 | null | t5_2to41 | 547 | Weirfish: TIFU with ants, piss, tetherball and a job interview.
Today has not been a good day, and it's only 1:30.
As I slept, at 9:30, I was having a wonderful dream. I don't remember anything about it, other than it was really enjoyable.
Then, my alarm interrupted me.
Groaning, I sat up, looking blearily at the time, and muttered something offensive to alarm clocks. Reaching out, I grabbed my can of brand-non-specific cola soft drink from last night and gave it a shake. Awesome, still some in there, a nice pick-me-up to start the day.
I take a sip, and frown. This isn't right. It's granular. Since when was coke granular. Spitting it out into my hand, I'm horrified to find ants. Dozens of them. Crying out in shock, I fling them off my hand, about the room, and begin to spit everywhere, trying to get the little buggers out of my mouth. Panting and heaving a little, I sit on my bed, surveying the formician carnage, and think, "Fuck this, I'm taking a piss."
So, I take a sojourn across to the bathroom, lift the seat and let loose the torrents. Unfortunately, I forgot that I had just woken up, and neglected to sit down, and part of me had been awake for quite some time. Inevitably, this lead to trouble aiming, and so there was some splashback, which proceeds to get all over my legs. Well, fuck.
It is now 9:40. I get a call from a recruiter asking me if I was on my way to a job interview I had scheduled for the day. Wait, what do you mean, am I on my way? I thought the interview was at 2pm! But no, it was at 10am, Bugger it all. Okay, so I rush around, coke- and piss-spattered, to clean up a little and put a suit on, phoning a taxi to pick me up (because busses are far too slow, and I don't have the money for a car), and it's that point that my body decides to inform me of having strained every usable muscle in my torso and right arm from playing tetherball with a housemate the day before. So I am now hobbling and groaning down the phone at a taxi company, trying to pull a suit over my aching body. However, godsend, the taxi arrives without incident and I get there in fairly good time.
10:15. Not too bad. 25 minutes late, by my standards (nice and early, nice and eager, after all). The interview begins, and suddenly I have no English. I can't remember what I'm qualified in, what experience I have, who I've worked for, where I grew up, my name, my age, nothing. All gone. Mind is blank. I struggle through the interview with a few prompts, and get out the other side 40 minutes later relatively unscathed, though my confidence on that position is shot. I decide to get a little retail therapy, and hop on over to my local MtG shop (shoutout to /r/magicTCG ).
While I'm there, I get a phone call from the recruiter, berating me for being late. Of course, he doesn't know about the rest of the morning, and I can hardly tell him, but that's not his problem. So, I kiss ass to get through that particular conversation, and arrange another meeting with them for another round of interviewing on monday. It is now noon. I have had enough of today already, and head home to type this saga up.
tl;dr TIFU by drinking ants, pissing on my own legs, destroying my body with a children's garden toy and almost fucking up a job interview, all before lunchtime.
NoneofYourBismuth: As soon as I read the ants part, i felt like they were all over me....
Weirfish: YOU felt like they were all over you? I've had phantom creepy-crawlies all day D:
Sm314: The only cure is fire, drink lots of it.
PlanetMarklar: Wild Turkey should do
speaknott: I prefer moonshine, but to each his own...
manfis: What proof? I like mine around 180.
speaknott: Bout 160.
skatterbug: About tree fiddy.
| 9 | 60.777778 | |
1368198469 | 1368222353 | null | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: TIFU - Friday evening work drinks.
So this week my company meet a deadline. Celebrations were in order and I was late too said celebratory beverage evening due to a late running task on another project. Nedless to say, upon my arrival, I attempted to mask up for list time. Shots followed by some tasty Scotch. I ended up making a total ass of myself and am now back home thinking to myself, how on earth am I going to face these people on Monday, let alone my wife tomorrow morning. I'm totally I'm in the shit and have the booze to blame but mostly myself. I tripped up a lady I work worth, broke something of theirs and insulted a resteraunt worker. I should have known better. I feel forgot. I'm in bed in the spare Ron. The wife is mad at me, my Co-workers have seen a dark and rarely seen side out me... I just want to hide under a rock. Btw, I have only worked there floor almost 2 months. Oh the shame.
TLDR: Got drunk, behaved like an ass.
Tablemonster: You're lucky. My spare Ron only has a penis.
SecondCheapestWine: Last forgot time I felt missing but take ginkgo for remember help and hangover
Tablemonster: It ok. Me hangover much often ass well.
| 4 | 1.5 | |
1368202205 | 1368204242 | null | t5_2to41 | 64 | pandarsis: TIFU bye sneezing
What started out as a normal day would turn tragic by a simple sneeze. So I'm in the bathroom preparing for work and I'm swigging some mouthwash while I simultaneously hop in the shower. There I am, swishing this blue cleaning product in my oral cavity when the urge to sneeze arises.
Naturally my reflex is to deflect or lessen the sneeze' but this is complicated by a mouth full of smurf blue alcohol. I can't resist any longer and I finally sneeze. Half the blue blew out my mouth, the rest out my nose; gravity and water and ceramic bathtub shower don't mix, so ass on ground. I rinse off and exit to a sore tailbone, burning nose (my god how it burns), and a burst blood vessel in my left eye.
So here I am on the train, wondering what I'm about to tell my boss for being a little late.
pandarsis: Of course I mess the title up...
1337m347: I blame the burst blood vessel in your eye
pandarsis: You are too kind ;-) (I am not winking at you... It's the blood)
| 4 | 16 | |
1368204207 | 1368213449 | null | t5_2to41 | 6 | LurkToRed: TIFU by sleeping with some strange and then burning my balls
This story has two parts... Lets begin
So last night I was feeling a bit randy so I decided to try and find some random piece of ass. After a bit of searching I found one. We exchanged numbers and pictures and decided to meet up. As Barney Stinson would say "I only have one rule. For every three 10's you bang, throw a bone to a 5. They're grateful and hard working and let's face it, sometimes you just want to lay there." So that is what I was doing. In her picture she was about a 5 or 6 so I thought ehhh, no big deal. However, once I got to her place, that changed. Words couldn't describe how unattractive she was. Honestly, if I could give a negative rating, I would. But, I was already there and thought it would be rude to leave so I just went with it. I ended up just laying there so it wasn't too bad. Best BJ so far. Once we were about to have sex she said she only wanted to do anal. I'm not a big fan of anal but decided to go with it. Tightest ass ever. So we kept going, both finish, I get up and shower and then leave.
Now this is where fuck up two begins. I, still feeling dirty even though I showered, decided to go and thouroughly clean by balls and dick. I usually use Hydrogen Peroxide but unfortunately there was no more. I then look to my left and see some rubbing alcohol. I figure that it should do the same thing, get me nice and clean. I rub some on my face, arms, and hands. Feel nothing but the cleansliness washing over me. Now onto my dick and balls. I pour some one, rub it in, and wait a few seconds. Suddenly they start getting warm. I figure nothing wrong with that, who doesn't like warm balls... I was wrong. Withing a few seconds my balls were on fire. They burned with the force of a thousand suns. On top of that my urethra was burning too. I quickly got up, got a wet rag, and start trying to wipe my balls clean. That didn't really help but the water at least soothed some of the pain. Eventually the burning subsided and I was able to move on from that horrible experience. After that whole ordeal was over with I just fell onto my bed and fell asleep.
tl;dr Fucked some strange, felt dirty after shower, decided to pour rubbing alcohol on my genitals.
edit; spelling
CaptainDickPuncher: Whut? You regularly wash your balls with hydrogen peroxide? what's wrong with soap man?
LurkToRed: I usually use soap. I use Hydrogen peroxide when I want that good, clean feeling.
CaptainDickPuncher: that's still a very odd habit, but whatever makes you happy man
Rodriale: Whatever floats his boat i guess
LurkToRed: Trust me. The kind of clean you get after using H2O2 is the best kind of clean you'll ever get down there.
| 6 | 1 | |
1368222760 | 1368282280 | null | t5_2to41 | 2 | Dookiestain_LaFlair: TIFU By accidentally using interrogation techniques on myself
I went to sleep last night with the fan on full blast like normal, but I only pulled over my thin cover and not the quilt. I fell asleep and woke up in the morning shivering. I think I even had a dream where I fell back to sleep and thought I was driving to the store, but it felt real. So after I finally wake up in the morning I take a hot shower and still can't get over the feeling that I'm cold. I've been cold all day and feel tired. I was thinking about it earlier and realized I pretty much accidentally did that thing where the cops put you in a cold interrogation room and then give you a jacket or a poncho to warm yourself up with and build a rapport. Only I did it for 8 hours straight, without the jacket. I don't feel that bad but wow that was a stupid thing to do.
ChaozNacho: Here's what happened:
•OP slept with fan on
•Slept with only thin cover, not quilt
•Resulted in sleeping while on sub zero temperature
•Woke up in the morning
•Felt cold
•Took hot shower
•Didn't warm OP up
•OP rememebered this is similar to an interogation technique: http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/jurisprudence/2009/03/ice_water_and_sweatboxes.html
•Sort of
ChaozNacho: My...my bullets didn't work?
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1368227577 | 1368276242 | null | t5_2to41 | 80 | [deleted]: TIFU by missing one of the most important final exams ever.
I'm in my final year, about the fucking graduate. When the exams are announced the college sends out a huge PDF with the entire college's exam dates. I accidentally read my exam to be on the wrong date and missed my exam. It's friday night so for the entire weekend the important campus sectors like the programme office are closed so I CANT EVEN TELL ANYONE. Everyone is telling me to go to the doctor and say I was sick but they are closed until fucking Monday as well. I have no idea what to do and I can't stop crying and fuck. Just fuck. My grade is too small to be able to pass by compensation meaning I'm going to have to repeat it in DECEMBER. My graduation is in OCTOBER. What the fuck am I supposed to do, I'm a fucking idiot. Fucking. Idiot.
Kaostherie: So just so I am clear, you have gone through 4 years of college and were unable to correctly read the date for the most important exam of your school career. If this is true then you do not deserve to graduate on time, why should you get a special exemption from the rules. The funny thing is that you got the PDF with the dates and it was not even important enough to you to check it again as the time drew near to be sure. It is hard to feel sorry for you.
[deleted]: This is Today I Fucked Up, not Today I Employed Good Planning Practices.
Kaostherie: I understand that and in the context of the thread if the story was simply told and left at that it would be mission accomplished. The OP appeared to be asking for advice on what he should do toward the end of the story from a place of sympathy. It was that part of the story I chose to respond to just as some others tried to give advice. I do not feel my comment was inappropriate in that context, others such as yourself may disagree; which is your right.
| 4 | 20 | |
1368228663 | 1368895217 | null | t5_2to41 | 25 | [deleted]: TIFU by trying to be polite
This whole week my high school has been doing AP testing, and today I had to come in for my English Language and Composition test. Before the exam started the proctor read all the required instructions, such as "no food or drink in the testing room," "no talking during the test," "no sharing answers," etc. Those who engage in any of these prohibited behaviors "will be dismissed, their scores cancelled." The same old shit you've heard on every standardized test since elementary school.
So, after a good half hour of telling us about test procedures, the test finally got started. About ten minutes in, my buddy sitting a few chairs down sneezed.
I always try to be a polite person, and I was always raised that way, so naturally I said, "Bless you."
Apparently it was audible from across the room, because the old lady proctor glared at me and shook her head. Realizing my mistake, I returned to my test.
Not ten minutes later, the same kid sneezes again.
I don't know what made me do it. I don't know why I wasn't thinking about it. I think it was just a natural reflex based on my upbringing. Whatever the cause, I immediately regretted it.
I blurted out a "Bless you" for him.
Right after I said it, my thoughts were something like "Shit shit shit shit."
The proctor came up to my desk, and motioned for me to come with her. She then proceeded to take my packet and my answer sheet, and she escorted me out of the room. She gave me some bullshit about how I had violated testing procedures and that I wouldn't be allowed to finish the test because of it.
tl;dr I let an entire class and $89 go to waste because I said "Bless you" after a kid sneezed. Twice.
Yurt_the_Silent_Chef: $89?
Thunder21: That's how much the so exams are.
GodComplexGuy: You have to pay... for exams? Wat
Thunder21: They're not required exams. You take em to try to get college credit. SATs aren't free either.
GodComplexGuy: I did not know that, thanks for enlightening me. Now, just one more thing, what exactly are SATs?
| 6 | 4.166667 | |
1368232290 | 1368253696 | null | t5_2to41 | 1,285 | Paiste402: TIFU by drinking flavoured milks all the time
I like the little cartons of flavoured milk and before you open then you give them a quick shake to stir it up. I don't usually have soft drink but in the case of a University musical theory exam I thought I could use something fizzy.
I sit down, exam begins. I pick up my bottle of coke and give it two quick shakes and immediately open it, not realising what hell I have unleashed. It spews all over me, my phone and the chick sitting in front of me drenching her. She screeches like a wild yeti and here I am holding a now completely empty bottle with ruined exams in a 3 metre radius. I look like a complete jack ass and the professor didn't have any spare exams left so I will have to do it tomorrow. The chick I soaked burst into tears too, I apologised but it was too late for that.
Phone is toast too.
TL;DR: Shook a bottle of coke like I would a flavoured milk in an exam. Ruined exams, phone and social life.
Admortis: What kind of exam allows beverages other than water and for you to keep your phone?
Thank fuck Australia has good examination practices.
Paiste402: I walked in with it and asked if it was alright first. My phone was in my bag on the floor (turned off of course) where a lot of the drink spilled down and still managed to soak it (cloth bag). I've got it sitting in rice right now but I think all the sugar sirup is gonna kill it
ekib: I'm just guessing, but a quick 91%+ isopropyl alcohol bath should take care of the syrup. Then let it dry out in rice.
That's what I've always used to clean computer parts, but I'm not sure how it would react with the screen and whatnot. Might be worth a shot...
ElusiveGuy: Actually, the best course of action (after removing the battery) would be to clean it manually by opening it up and just wiping all the circuit boards with a wet cloth (water or alcohol, though water will take longer to dry). It's really that simple, and most boards won't be permanently damaged by a little water (and especially not when unpowered!). Your first goal is to remove the solid sticky residue.
Isopropanol is great for drying, but it attacks the glues, and isn't too great at removing solid residue (unless you have crazy amounts of it). It is good to dry up water in hard to reach places, if you spray some in there.
If you can't open it, you could perhaps get away with soaking it in water for a while to get rid of the sugary mess. I would not recommend soaking with isopropanol, since that can start dissolving things you really don't want to. This could potentially damage the screen and buttons if there is any water seepage.
Source: I dunked my phone in water for a good 5-10 minutes. That was painful. Opened it up, dried it with some tissue and some isopropanol in hard to reach places; it was fine. Did a lot of research in the process and had a chat with an electrical engineer friend.
---
Edited to promote manual cleaning rather than soaking.
GreenHairyMartian: capacitors.
ElusiveGuy: Perhaps, but I doubt a phone would use electrolytic capacitors. Any capacitors used are likely ceramic, which I don't believe will be damaged by water, assuming they're thoroughly dried. And most phones now are based around a SoC, without that many discrete passive components.
But I could just be talking out my arse.
GreenHairyMartian: they could still arc if they have a charge, regardless of the type.
I too, could also be talking out of my arse.
ElusiveGuy: Considering typical phone voltages, barring a xenon flash or similar, it would be *unusual* to find a capacitor with a high enough voltage to arc. Water isn't that conductive anyway.
But, yea, use caution - all phones are different, and the best way is to open it up and see. Or take it to a professional repair shop.
mikevaughn: > take it to a professional repair shop
Maybe this isn't so much the case any more, but when I worked at Radioshack, whenever someone brought something in for repair from water damage, the policy was to explain that it's either impossible or prohibitively expensive. Of course, they also have the policy of telling people that a gold-plated, foam-insulated ***digital*** cable will carry a better signal than a much cheaper, bare bones ***digital*** cable, so there's that.
ElusiveGuy: There's a local repair shop (Sydney) that I looked into a while back. They say they will repair water damaged phones. I imagine there's quite a few around. Unfortunately, it would be quite expensive, possibly even approaching the price of a new phone if any components are damaged past 'clean and dry'. The main reason would likely be data recovery, unless it's already a particularly new phone.
I've also heard that some phone manufacturers will repair water damaged phones (though you'll have to pay, of course).
I would personally look at the manufacturer or a repair shop, if I couldn't fix it myself. Not a chain store with such a broad range of products (*cough*Radio Shack*cough*).
mikevaughn: > I would personally look at the manufacturer or a repair shop, if I couldn't fix it myself. Not a chain store with such a broad range of products (coughRadio Shackcough).
I wholeheartedly agree, BUT... There was a time when Radioshack was well-known as *the* place to take your broken electronics to for repair.
| 12 | 107.083333 | |
1368233957 | 1368244686 | null | t5_2to41 | 103 | Childwood: TIFU by making an accidental pun about a recent tragedy.
I have a friend who just found out close friends of theirs had been in a very serious car accident involving a transport truck and several other cars. Two dead, three seriously injured.
We were discussing how horrible it all was and I was doing my best to console him when I came up with this:
"It's just all gone and done so easily...and so unexpectedly. It's easy to forget that sometimes and take things for granted, but when you do remember, it hits like a truck."
I sent this 15 minutes ago and haven't received a response.
Of course I've apologized profusely, I honestly didn't realize what I was saying until it had been done, I use the expression quite a bit.
Needless to say, I fucked up.
thehotdelancey: This sounds like you sent that text message before self-editing. Condolences for the friends of your friend.
Childwood: It wasn't so much I didn't self edit, I mean, I knew what I wrote, I just didn't see anything wrong with it until moments after hitting send because it's a phrase I use somewhat regularly.
Regardless, was a fuck up and that's why it's here. Revel in my mistakes
masterstick8: If it makes you feel better, the *new york jets* played a game in 2001 to honor 9/11 victims.
| 4 | 25.75 | |
1368249241 | 1368251587 | null | t5_2to41 | 16 | [deleted]: TIFU and got a BJ from an old lady
So, it's Friday and I'm obviously getting shit hammered. The night turns into my 55+ year old neighbor giving me a jimmer. Tomorrow is going to be stupid awkward. I have already subscribed/posted to /r/stopdrinking because this shit can never happen again.
Tomorrow is going to suckkkkkkkkkk.
28wiseman: [Pretty much this then?](http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=Vd4v8a-viu4#t=147s)
TXT_ME: /r/confusedboners
| 3 | 5.333333 | |
1368250999 | 1368396079 | null | t5_2to41 | 46 | 25cats: TIFU: By trying to be a good citizen
I wanted ice cream. Having a couple bucks in my wallet I decide to go get some at my local B&R. When I stop at the stop sign at the bottom of my hill I see a chick slumped over against the stop sign pole. I don't think anything of it and drive on. After getting my icey cold deliciousness I drive home having a nice time listening to some good tunes when I see her still slumped there so I pull up and ask if she's alright if she needs me to call for help or anything. Here's the juicy part. She starts screaming like a mother fucking banshee she beast and launches herself at my car trying to grab/scratch/claw my face off/kill me with dirty fingernails. I slam my foot on the gas pedal and scream out of that scene like the scared seventeen year old girl I am. When I drive up to my house the garage door won't open and I see her coming up the hill and as I'm praying to the God I'm not sure exists the door goes up I pull in, slam my finger into the button, shoo my cat inside and lock the door going into the house behind me. Last time I looked she wasn't out there and I thank my lucky stars for that. Now I hope my boyfriend doesn't read this because I didn't tell him the part about her almost catching up to me. He would have freaked and tried to skate over and I couldn't handle him getting attacked by psycho hoe beast.
TL;DR: If you see someone on the side of the road, don't stop unless you know they're hurt. They could try to claw your eyes out.
HGlpIyHk9LiGP: Never startle the witch.
ssjkriccolo: Well, on normal you can dome her with a shotgun.
Aaod: You could on expert to if you were good until they patched that out. Just like you could do lots of stuff on expert until they either nerfed it or patched it out much to my anger. I feel the game was best on release and they changed the game to cater to versus mode concerns.
| 4 | 11.5 | |
1368273107 | 1368311288 | null | t5_2to41 | 94 | intensethrowaway2013: TIFU getting intimate with someone I shouldn't have.
So, long story time.
I've had this friend for some time now, we'll call her Amber (well, because that's her name. Not like a single first name can be traced to the other side of the internet anyway).
So, she's been pretty hard up her whole life. Orphan, never "fit in" at school, no financial support so living off government handouts, all that lousy stuff.
Alright, now, her best (and pretty much only, besides me) friend committed suicide recently, about 2 months ago, and she dropped off the radar faster than I would have thought possible, so when she gave me a phone call earlier on I figured it was time to catch up, and I invited her over to mine.
I made a nice plate of food, and set up a movie to have in the background while we caught up, and we got to talking.
Long story short, I mentioned that the movie was boring, and she said she had another idea. If I had paid attention to the tone of voice she had then, chances are I wouldn't feel like such a huge moron right now. Hindsight is a bitch, isn't it. We got incredibly close, if you get my meaning, and when all is over and done with she broke down and ran out to her car.
I fucked up. Reddit, Today I fucked up real bad.
Edit. Clarification time. Yes, we fucking had sex.
The time of voice was not flirty, it was more of a depressed tone, perhaps implying that she thought my boredom was her fault, I don't goddamn know.
To all the people wishing me well: thanks. I've tried to call her but it keeps ringing out, and her car isn't at her flat either, so I dont know what to do any more. I'll probably look around a bit more today, try and find if its parked anywhere. Its about the only thing I can do.
Will update later if I think its worth it.
realfuzzhead: >Long story short, I mentioned that the movie was boring, and she said she had another idea. If I had paid attention to the tone of voice she had then, chances are I wouldn't feel like such a huge moron right now. Hindsight is a bitch, isn't it. We got incredibly close, if you get my meaning, and when all is over and done with she broke down and ran out to her car
what does this paragraph mean? what happened?
nteeka: OP is too chickenshit to say they had sex. Or something.
They got physical.
realfuzzhead: but then where was the fuck up? they had sex and... what? He violated their friendship or something?
masterstick8: He most likely feels dirty because he took advantage of her while she was looking for someone to vent/care about her. He didn't do anything wrong, and most likely she would have slept with anyone who was a shoulder to cry on IMO.
| 5 | 18.8 | |
1368291837 | 1368295109 | null | t5_2to41 | 14 | Vaulttechnician: TIFU by loosing my work mobile phone with very important documents and phone numbers on the sim card.
Today I seriously fucked up by loosing my cellphone, not only it had no password lock, it also had some sensible documents, a lot of fotos and snapshots from makeup sculpts from me, and yeah the person who found it presses away every call. So with little chance to get it back, if anyone want some fun, call 0049 151 21072098 (caution german mobile phone number). In case I get it back im gonna reward the person who managed to get it back to me. I had this number since several Years and it is a damm loss not to mention that I probably wont be able to buy me a new smartphone, and I so get used to it, im just looking forward to some important calls I cannot make this weekend thanks to this, so yeah you really can say, I fucked up today.
dobtoronto: I'm sorry to hear that.
You probably know everything you can do to try to either retrieve the card or remotely erase the data. The person who found it likely doesn't care about the sensitive documents.
Vaulttechnician: I just feel so stupid I was so careless, i had invoices, bank stuff and documents about my work as cameraman, im pretty sure the person will not be able to get some use out of it, beside the lost of it some pictures i didn't copied i really feel bad about.
A lot of makeup pictures, behind the scenes, and i kinda used it as a reminder for everything, theres no really sensitive data on it, just personal stuff, will be quite impossible to track down everything, i hope at least.
The reason i post here, i wish i had installed some tracking or remote app on it, or simply would have used a password.
TIFU and TIL: never take your digital gadget as granted and never ever ever postpone a backup. Never.
Thanks for the kind words though. Much appreciated. As said enjoy the stupidity, i really really just should have put it in my bag and not my trouser pockets. (army pants, those who wear them know how easily stuff drops out or can be reached).
dobtoronto: Oh man. Oh man. Well I am glad you are looking toward the future and how to protect yourself. I should back up my data as well. Good luck!
| 4 | 3.5 |
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