start_date stringlengths 10 10 | end_date stringlengths 10 10 | thread_id stringlengths 8 10 ⌀ | subreddit stringclasses 1
value | subreddit_id stringclasses 1
value | total_score int64 -564 194k | text stringlengths 52 58.9k | num_messages int64 3 160 | avg_score float64 -55.17 14.3k |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
1371691378 | 1371696310 | null | t5_2to41 | 23 | mustangwolf1997: TIFU by bragging about how "I KNEW IT".
So, here's the deal.
I'll make this as short as possible. I don't want to talk about it.
I'm good friends with my ex's brother.
We hang out a lot and play guitar. He's a cool guy.
Now, his friend tried to kill herself yesterday.
I give this whole speech about how she's gonna make it and everything.
He cheers up.
He gets the news! She made it! :D
So we're writing our exam the next day and we both finish writing. We hand them in and jam the electric for a bit. (I'm not a good guitarist. I was attempting to play *Nirvana - Smells Like Teen Spirit* and failing.) and as he takes out his acoustic, I turn to him and say this.
"Oh by the way, I told you she'd make it, motherfucker!"
We laugh, we talk, we play some songs. It was pretty awesome.
She died 11 hours later.
TL;DR: My friend's buddy tried to kill herself. She made it, I bragged about how I knew she would, then she died.
theblackcousin: She was okay at the time...
mustangwolf1997: I know, but I still feel like a dick...
| 3 | 7.666667 | |
1371707569 | 1371762871 | null | t5_2to41 | 27 | BrutalTombXBL: TIFU Got poison ivy on my junk.
Not so much Today, but this weekend
So Sunday evening i was outside walking my dog in the woods (we do that) and i get this incredible urge to poo. I'm atleast a mile away from my house, so going back isnt an option. So i start walking looking for a nice spot to go, when suddenly, my body decides it was time. I super clenched and ran into a bush, did my buisness, and went on my way.
Tuesday afternoonish, i started feeling irritation on my testicles, so whats a guys natural reaction when his nuts itch? You scratch em. And this was no normal scratch, no, it felt great. So Tuesday evening+night i just started itching more and more (not thinking it was poison ivy).
Until this (Wednesday) morning i got up, went to adjust my scrotum, and immediatly felt one of the worst pains ive ever felt. The inflamed skin on my sack cracked, (guess i had been scratching in my sleep) sending a lightning bolt of pain, and i fell on the ground and yelled (noones home at 9am). Upon closer inspection the rash was on my balls, penis, butt, hip, and (i dont even know) my lips.
So all day today ive had my genitals wrapped in a cool wash cloth, ive gone through half a stick of chapstick, but everytime i stop focusing on not scratching; i scratch.
So yeah. Its been a shitty day and at this point ive just taken a large amount of nyquil so can hopefully sleep without scratching.
wheelss666: ive had poison ivy in the same location. grandma told me how to cure it fast. I took a bath in diluted Lysol. it stung, but it dried the poison ivy up instantly
boondock_saint5: What kind of Lysol? What would be the water to Lysol ratio?
IApproveThisUsername: Damn, son. Patience.
| 4 | 6.75 | |
1371678530 | 1371764934 | null | t5_2to41 | 153 | OneTimesMore2003: TIFU by reading a dirty, filthy book at work. (a little lengthy)
First off let me say that I have been married for ten years and up until last year my wife and I enjoyed a healthy sex life. But do to some health issues we very rarely have sex anymore. Now this happened last Friday night. I work as a night auditor at a hotel and around 3am I was bored. On HULU.com I selected a movie called BLACK WATER which I had watched before and also decided to read a little in the book my wife let me borrow figuring that multitasking would help keep me awake since I was very tired for some reason that night. So I'm reading ENTWINED IN YOU by Sylvia Day (I know it's not the wildest book porn out there but for someone hard up it is) and was a very intense sex scene. I got hard and my work pants are a little tight. Well after a few minutes of reading this scene I was hot, sweaty, panting, and horny as Hell. Well, I went to adjust myself in my pants, grabbed my junk and came like a fucking fourteen year old. I have always orgasm'd like a fucking fountain and had I known one little touch was going to set me off I wouldn't have done it. I literally came through my boxer briefs and my work slacks. Luckily our security guard was out making his rounds so I hightailed it to the bathroom, cleaned myself off, washed out my briefs and slacks, and then sat at my desk for two hours not moving until everything dried. Luckily nothing was stained. Although no one knew I so did the walk of shame out of the hotel that morning.
TD/LR: NO SEX WITH WIFE, READ FILTHY SMUT AT WORK, CAME IN MY PANTS.
AireX: TD/LR? = Too Didn't / Long Read
Too Long / Didn't Read = TL/DR :)
VvrAase: You seriously just answered over a years worth of "what the fuck is TL/Dr?!". Praises be to you good sir
OBNOXIOUSNAME: You could've just Googled it...
Cyhrrus: TL/DG
| 5 | 30.6 | |
1371707590 | 1371874865 | null | t5_2to41 | 105 | 420flasher: TIFU by not making sure my door was closed
So, I'm going to preface this story by explaining to you some things about my room. The latch to my door from the main hallway is very tricky. you have to push that nob in the center at just the right angle while the door is being pushed shut to squeeze the door in close to align the latching mechanism. My and my dad recently moved to this house, but I've been here for a few months now and I've gotten the trick of it, most of the time. Also in the room, is a second door leading outside the house. I should also mention that I use that second door to exhale my smoke from my legal weed grown in WA.
This day of all days, my dad was having some family friends over to show the house to. I had just come home from the gym, said a quick 'hi', and hopped in the shower. I had met these friends before, and they were alright, but not worth my time when I could be playing some Borderlands 2, high. I planned I would simply chat with all them for a quick few minutes after showering and smoking (it had to be right then, because the post-gym blaze is just amazing). So I got my bong ready to go, just when I heard them coming down the stairs to the floor my room is on. But I thought 'Oh, I totally locked the door because I just took a shower and I'm naked right now'. I decided to not double check the lock, and continue with my bong hit. So I hit my bong, and then turned to open the door to the outside of my house. As soon as i pushed it open, the suction from the air pressure change pulled open my unlatched door, revealing a naked me with a milked bong around my mouth to my father,and the Johnson family. I made I contact.
TLDR: today i fucked up by not making sure my door was latched while taking a naked bong rip, and being unfortunately revealed by the laws of physics
FatherEarth: > I made I contact.
Really?
[deleted]: Really high.
The_Worst_Bassist: Really I
| 4 | 26.25 | |
1371716917 | 1371894006 | null | t5_2to41 | 356 | [deleted]: TIFU by calling a black lady racist (rant)
I'm currently working a temp job at McDonalds out here in the Bay area. The Bay area is EXTREMELY diverse, full of Asian, Indian, Mexican, Russian, etc immigrants. Hell, most of the customers don't speak perfect English. There are many Chinese people here, and I am a 19 year old Chinese American who speakers fluent Mandarin at the basic level. Sometimes, if an Asian looking customer is having trouble saying what they want, I ask them if they speak mandarin. For the ones that do, they seem ecstatic that they can communicate with one of their own in their native language. However, today, when one of these incidents occurred, a black lady asked me "Why do you ask these customers if they can speak Mandarin?" To which I reply "uhhh, to help speed things along and to better help them communicate their order?" Then she went on about how this is America and how i should speak English to "honor our country" or some shit and other stuff regarding " 'merica" that i didnt pay attention to. She turns and leaves, and this is where i fucked up. I said to my coworker across the counter "what a racist". She heard it, and starts fuming. I thought she was just gonna correct me and leave, but apparently while I was busy with the line she was having a little chat with the assistant manager, who is a Mexican American lady in her 50s. The manager calls me over to have a chat in the office, and she agrees that what this lady said to me was very racist, as many of the Mexican immigrants who come to this store speak extremely broken English and need to speak to a "Espanol" speaking employee to help communicate their order. America is a melting pot, especially the bay area. She tell me I am not in trouble, but just apologize to the lady, and she will dismiss this incident. We went together to speak with the lady, and boy does she let her anger out. She was angrier than a father whose teenage son had just drunkenly wrecked his brand new Cadillac. She claims that she is born and raised in good ole USA, has a degree in human resources, and her husband is Chinese, the whole time going off about "HOW DARE YOU CALL ME A RACIST?!". She starts bitching about how she is really thinking about taking my ass to the corporate office, but in the end tells me she's giving me a pass because im young. The whole time, I could only stare at her angry face and say how sorry I am for such a remark (i was, i'm sorry my impulsive mouth said something this stupid and embarrassed you in front of everyone). Then she stormed off to her car. I know i fucked up, but what kind of question was that lady? I want to help these people communicate better and quicker and make them feel more comfortable knowing that i can speak their native language, FUCK ME RIGHT?! This incident occurred yesterday, but the embarrassment and the lady's anger still burns at my conscience. Fuck me and my impulsive mouth, didn't have a moment nearly as shameful as this during my drunk nights in Freshman year.
bulbousnub: Holy fucking wall of text. Can we get a TL;DR or some formatting?
Augenmann: Don't be lazy!
Reading can improve your level of english by far.
[deleted]: Yeah, but reading with incorrect formatting isn't improvement.
Augenmann: It doesn‘t matter for spoken english.
[deleted]: This isn't spoken english, is it?
Augenmann: I said it helps for spoken English, not that this is colloquial language.
I wouldn't be able to almost speak fluent english without reddit and youtube. (I'm from Austria)
[deleted]: That's actually cool. Kinda how I'm learning german. We watch sitcoms in my class all day.
Augenmann: The only problem is you have to understand the basics of the language before you can learn by watching shows. Also afaik german‘s grammar is more difficult than english'.
[deleted]: We didn't start the sitcoms until half way through the year.
Augenmann: as long as you understand them it's no problem ;-)
| 11 | 32.363636 | |
1371719593 | 1371770953 | null | t5_2to41 | 95 | potato99: By staying up until 3 in the morning watching you tube and accidentally fell asleep on the girl I likes shoulder
On Sunday night I realized that I was behind on all the you tube channels I watch and that I had to get up to date with them. Cut to the next day in English class I was regretting my decision of staying up late the previous night and was having trouble keeping my eyes open. I must have passed out but then I was awoken to being pushed onto the table and everyone staring at me and then I realized that I had fallen asleep on the shoulder of this girl i've had a crush on for a long time and to make things worse I had dribbled on it as well. I was going to ask her out tommorow I guess this has set me back a while.
Poopshotgun: Not necessarily, since you feel asleep on her shoulder you can pay her back with a night out.
[deleted]: That's the smoothest thing I've heard all day
| 3 | 31.666667 | |
1371742269 | 1371745799 | null | t5_2to41 | 19 | greatsirshandow: TIFU Washing parents car
a little backstory - My grandfather passed away a year ago, leaving a car behind. The deal was then that provided i would drive my little sister to and from school every day, i could use the car untill i moved out of the house. I was 18 at the time and had just gotten my driver licence, so this was a sweet deal.
Fast forward two years, i have now moved away, so the time came to give back the car. My perent's planned on selling it since i didn't need it anymore. So in order for it to be nice and shiny, i decided to wash it.
Having limited supplies (i only juuuust moved in) i decided to just use a washcloth and some soap. But since the front end had some grime on it that i could not get off, my brain turns off and i decided to use a scourer. You can imagine the outcome. I feel like a moron.
tl,dr: Scourer+car=unhappy perents
[deleted]: Pics?
greatsirshandow: I am afraid i didn't think of it at the time, and now the car has been delivered back to my perents - ill see if i can take a pic on my next visit, but right now i am persona non grata, so that may take a while
| 3 | 6.333333 | |
1371753712 | 1371764398 | null | t5_2to41 | 167 | PhatDaddy420: TIFU by getting 6 people laid off...
This happened in 2009, but only learned about the layoffs a little while ago. And this is going to be a wall of text...
In 2009, I got a temp job for a year taking care of the computer systems in the library in a large university, and we used a program called Deep Freeze.
Deep Freeze essentially is a software that every time you reboot the computer, it erases everything that is not part of the setup. You configure the computer the way you need, then "freeze" it to secure your stuff. It's excellent, so you can install all the viruses and crap you want, the second it restarts it's back and fresh.
Problem with that is you need to "thaw" it to install updates or make changes.
Back to the story.
So my job was to maintain 54 workstations in the library, all of them needed routine maintenance, thaw, update, freeze. But the way it was setup required me to go to every machine, thaw them, install updates, reboot, freeze. So in the end, I was working on 3 computers at a time, and would take a few hours.
Really not ideal, and a waste of time.
So I looked into the software, it's capabilities, what it can do... Well, it turns out it's a very flexible software, it allows you to script, time, monitor, everything. But it needed to be configured.
So I figured, hey, I might land myself a job if I get this a little more automated! It'll give the IT guy more time to work on other tasks!
I get to it, get scripting, and after about 2 weeks, I had my first script out (now 2 weeks is long enough, but I still needed to do the regular update routine, and all that during that time, as well as my other duties). The script would automatically thaw the machines I wanted, update, and freeze again. Awesome!
So i decided to improve it some more. And I also had issues of turning off a machine that was in use (I got yelled at for that one), and making the student lose his work.... So I looked into scheduling and advanced features. This script was magic. When I finished it, this is what happened.
- Look at computers in my network
- Rule stated that no more than 10 out of 54 can be down for maintenance at any time.
- When the PC was about to be thawed, would display a message on the main screen saying it was going down for maintenance.
- Send me a message telling me what machines are going down (so I can put down for maintenance sign on)
- PC would reboot, do it's thing, freeze again
- Send me a message when it's done so I can remove said signs.
So this thing was excellent, worked like a charm. I went from spending 5 hours a day going from my office in the dungeon, to the top floor where the computers are 20 times. Everybody was happy, there was less issues, less possibilities for vulnerabilities, etc etc..
Then IT learned about this, and asked for it. Awesome I thought! I'm going to get myself a permanent job!
I got a pat on the back, good job. But nothing really came of it. My term finished, and I got a letter of reference for all the hard work I've done.
I move on with my life.
Here I am, back in 2013, sitting at my favorite bar with a friend when I see an old coworker. He sits down, we chat, see how things go, blah blah. Well after a few beer he asks if I remember the script I did a few years ago. I did! I was so proud of my work, it was super efficient.
Well, turns out, IT took the script, and modified it so it would work system wide, and not just for my workstations, and eliminated the IT workers in 6 buildings (who all had either libraries or workstations) and went for a direct line solution, as the main reason for having people there was to do just that, update and maintenance.
So I fucked up. I made my job more efficient, and I was able to save the university ~300k a year with that script.
If I would've known, I would of kept the script to myself, but I was young, fresh out of college, landed a sweet gig, and wanted to prove to them I was good enough to work there full time. But I forgot the number one important lesson a teacher said: Don't script yourself out of a job.
Technically I didn't script myself out of a job (the library I was in was the main one and needs on site staff all the time) but I scripted 6 other people's jobs..
Tl;DL: Don't automate huge tasks that required lots of man power. You may cause them to be looking for work...
IT Quote of the day: Don't script yourself out of a job.
Edit: Seems like most people think the script was a good idea and did a good thing in giving it to the IT. I just find it shitty they eliminated those positions and not give them new tasks. Economy is tough and having those people eliminated by software really sucks, even though their job was easy enough for a script to do..
jonbowen: That wasn't your fuck up. Your fuck up was that you didn't claim ownership of the script. The university might've easily paid you $30,000 for that script.
GooseSlayer: He did that script while employed and it is directly related to his duties.
They own his work. I think they should have hired him because he did damn good work that was going to save them money but I don't they they owed him anything special.
jonbowen: I would've formed a corporation, gotten a patent approved and then I would've sold it to them but that's just me. And no, writing that script was not in his job description.
soothaa: You've obviously never had a job then. There are laws about what you do on company time makes it their property.
| 5 | 33.4 | |
1371754374 | 1371930317 | null | t5_2to41 | 2,462 | zk001guy: TIFU by having sex in my car
Last night on my way to take my girlfriend home she was getting frisky. Now my car is perfect, it has a camper shell and a matress in the back. So I pulled behind an empty frys market place. We start going to town, you know... plowing guts, and right before we climax, *tap tap tap* "Put your clothes on and step out of the car!". Me and my S.O. both got indecent exposure charges and my possibly become sex offenders.... Yay-_-
Edit:Behind the Fry's there's a neighborhood and the officer said that kids might walk by and see us, and we could become sex offenders. The cop seemed salty as hell and I think that's why he gave us tickets, me and my S.O. both had clean records up until this point.
[deleted]: Fucking bullshit america, let the kids have sex in the back of the car goddamit, nobody cares.
Ayn_Rand_Was_Right: Think about the children, they may be exposed to it... at night.... in a parking lot... inside of a camper.
dabockster: Because people want kids but don't want to be fucking parents anymore.
Ayn_Rand_Was_Right: That is true, tv was my parents.
TheJuniorIdiots: I never had "the talk" I had the Internet....
Ayn_Rand_Was_Right: You just reminded me of 3rd grade. I learned what a boner is, what masturbation is and that you do it with a pencil.
TheJuniorIdiots: Wait what.
Ayn_Rand_Was_Right: you grip the pencil, eraser side down, next to your penis and start jacking it. I thought you needed to poke your scrotum, so I was an expert on various depths and such. The end result, because nothing would come out at the age of 8, what what I called a tickler.
Cougs67: This only raises more questions
Ayn_Rand_Was_Right: I cant really describe it, and I am not taking pictures. Do you have a penis? If so, grab an unsharpened wooden pencil, grip your boner and put the pencil on the right side of your urethra eraser pointing at your scrotum. Start jacking it, adjusting the pencil to the right depth for you. A tickler was just a dry orgasm, but how the fuck would my stupid 8 year old self know that. I thought that you were supposed to not have spasms when you got off and that was that stopped me from jizzing.
That is what you were talking about, right?
Cougs67: Haha yes, I have a penis. So the pencil is to stop you from jizzing?
Ayn_Rand_Was_Right: no, it stimulates the scrotum. I was in 3rd grade, so try and go at it with that in mind... but not imagining my sexy, supple 8 year old ass gyrating trying to get the proper angle and depth for his scrotal stimulation.
| 13 | 189.384615 | |
1371755796 | 1371831609 | null | t5_2to41 | 1,136 | [deleted]: TIFU by letting my girlfriend's sister see my penis.
I was feeling sexy this afternoon so about twenty minutes ago I sent my girlfriend a joke picture of me flexing with a t-shirt on with my wang hanging out of the bottom. This was the first time I've **EVER** sent her any form of naked picture. She texted me back in horror saying "OMFG you're gonna die, (sister) opened the phone for me because I was driving." Now half of her family has seen my penis. I'm still laughing about it.
*left a word out
**SUPER UN-INTENTIONAL FUCK UP**
I'm logged onto her account right now and didn't realize that I posted it on here. Oh well, she has a sense of humor... I hope.
dr3wb4: Ya know, something about the fact that whoever uses this account has posted links where her age shifts backwards from 24 to 19 in a little over a month has me questioning the integrity of your "girlfriend", OP.
FrostySack: Next week on "Reddit Investigations"...
spazmodic-: /r/KarmaCourt ?
ilofty: This is actually a subreddit?? It's just imaginary Internet points haha
HorriBliss: FUCK YOU!
Karma is some serious business.
ilofty: Haha, I forgot where I was for a second then,
Plus someone commented about the integrity of OP's girlfriend and that he is a karmawhore... TIFU is a self posting subreddit anyway? So no karma for upvotes
HorriBliss: I know, I know, people are just talking tongue-in-cheek, I'm sure nobody is being fully serious!
scisco: [Super Cereal](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h05YfP_8UsU)
| 9 | 126.222222 | |
1371757592 | 1371759888 | null | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU by peeing myself in front of three teenage girls
5 minutes into my daily run I noticed that I forgot to wear an incontinence pad, but I didn't wanna turn back. Thus I had three teenage girls laugh at me as I was running past them in my pee stained sweat pants.
PilotInspektor: when did you start having incontinence while running?
Anastecia101: Since I gave birth, I guess...
| 3 | 1 | |
1371766967 | 1372326849 | null | t5_2to41 | 74 | familytroubles1: TIFU by letting my mom use my computer and now she thinks I got sexually abused as a child
I am a straight girl, who is also a very outspoken feminist. Today my mom surprised me by visiting me at college. Earlier in the day I had been watching porn on my computer and I, for some reason, get really turned on by lesbian porn and porn where women are being forced to be submissive to men. I had a class and left my mom home with my computer and she saw the open pages of what I had been looking at. She now wants to know what happened to make me watch such things and thinks that I was sexually assaulted and should go to therapy.
damnBcanilive: You're a feminist that likes porn where women are forced to be submissive to men? You're okay in my book.
familytroubles1: I don't know why... do I get that that kind of porn contributes to negative images of women and in turn to misogynistic views? yes. do I get pleasure from watching filthy porn where women are being spanked, cuffed and railed? again, yes.... maybe I do need therapy
maxxramman: I hate to bring this to other subreddits, but this is what happens when you get feminists shoving their ideas down your throat.
If human beings are able to separate fantasy from reality (and any sane ones are) you don't have to feel bad about liking porn with submissive women in it. You're not PERPETUATING THE PATRIARCHY. Respect women, and watch porn. You can do both.
familytroubles1: Yeah, I get what you are saying. I just think that it can work both ways. Some people can watch it and it isn't something they perpetuate, other people can't. I'm really not too concerned about it, just a little shocked with myself. You'd think I was catholic with all my guilt.
cuppincayk: There's nothing wrong with any of that as long as the woman wants it. I love being a sub but I think a woman has the right to be dominant or just plain Jane, too.
| 6 | 12.333333 | |
1371768720 | 1371781313 | null | t5_2to41 | 9 | Liberalinthemidwest: TIFU by putting the wrong soap in the dishwasher.
So apparently dish soap and dish washing liquid are two totally different things. I accidentally grabbed the wrong bottle and started the dishwasher, then went to take a shower. When I got out I found about 3 inches of bubbles covering the floors (which are wooden and can warp if they stay wet for long enough). I didn't realize how hard it would be to clean up all these stupid bubbles. :(
Bud042: I doubt that they'll warp from this, unless they're way more sensitive than I imagine wood to be.
Liberalinthemidwest: Thanks for the confidence lol! I thought I would ruin everything..
| 3 | 3 | |
1371791364 | 1371827887 | null | t5_2to41 | 346 | Ihaveaseriousquestio: TIFU by popping a pimple near my eye.
This actually happened a year ago. I had planned a vacation and took 5 days off of work to sit around the house and play video games. Last day before my vacation I notice my Unibrow is growing back so I shave it with a razor, no big deal.
Day 2 the area is a little sore, I ignore it, I get pimples sometimes.
Day 3 I see a pimple and try with all my might to bust it wide open. Nothing happens and it kinda has that pulsing pain feeling. I fall asleep to it.
Day 4 I wake up and my fucking eye is swollen shut and the whole side of my face has gained a pound. I feel like I rubbed the side of my head against a cheese grater and then dumped my head in alcohol. The pain sucks and I'm starting to throw up everywhere.
I rush to the emergency room, they put me on an IV and give me a pill for dizziness. WTF. I throw up on the nurse because I have a heavy head and my brain feels like its exploding. Pill kicks in and I feel a little better and they give me some antibiotics and tell me I'm going to need plastic surgery. Uh ok, but i want a second opinion.
Morning of day 5 it's saturday I try to find a doctor that can help me on the weekend. Fuck me.
I found a doctor, he sees my face and starts saying , " Oh shit that's nasty. We are gonna lance it. You ready?"
I don't know what lance means because I'm a retard.
DR. calls nurse in, she sees my face and I see her face make a face at my face. I feel very scared now. They have a needle and they stick it into the giant Boil/tumor on my head near my eye.
Fucking red unbearable pain grips my whole existence. I start to feel liquid on my face and the nurse is gagging. They doctor sounds like he isn't breathing through his nose to talk. He is saying "This is fucking nasty, damn" and cursing more frequently now. The nurse leaves and I hear her puke. I see pus and blood soaked paper things.
My head feels better, doctor packs it and gives me antibiotics. I go home and my vacation was obliterated.
TL;DR Boil almost destroyed my eyeball because I wanted to pop a pimple. I'm a terrible writer but I hope I got the point across.
its10pm: Is it bad that I wish there were pictures?
Ihaveaseriousquestio: I actually had an old samsung blackberry ripoff that has a picture of my swollen face. I have to find the battery for it but I can get the photos and post later. It was honestly a disaster.
BuzzsGirlfriendWoof: Please do, we at /r/popping would love to see it too.
SpongederpSquarefap: That sub is just...
ATyp3: /r/peeling is better IMO. And hey! I see you around /r/android sometimes :)
SpongederpSquarefap: Oh yeah, I have the S3 and that place is pretty great for Android stuff
| 7 | 49.428571 | |
1371793154 | 1372251366 | null | t5_2to41 | 16 | Id10t3qu3: TIFU by showing my dad Kanye West's new album, "Yeezus."
So let me be clear, I am a Kanye West fan and really like his music. Whether or not I am correct is an entirely different matter, but for now, let's agree to disagree.
My dad and I were watching Game 7 of the NBA finals together. We've been catching all the games as, we both like it, and it makes for some good father-son time (me: 23 years old, college grad living at home, but employed, for which I'm grateful). After an exciting first half, during the start of TV analysis, my dad asked, "Hey, can I hear some of that Kanye West?"
TIFU because I said yes. Here's what happened.
I had been talking a lot about Kanye in the last few days. I really liked the symphonic and grandiose parts in his last record, and "Yeezus," his album that came out this last Tuesday, had subverted his previous record so much I was on a "literary-critique high." I had tried to explain to my dad how this new record was so experimental. So first, I decided, I should play him my favorite song off his last album, "[All of the Lights](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2A_WMa5Asss)."
My dad seemed to enjoy this. He agreed that it was different from the rap he's heard, which, to be honest, is certainly not a lot. So then, in my brilliant idea was to show him the first track off of "[Yeezus: On Sight.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=53GaWwEMoL8)" This second song, is, lyrically, Kanye being just about as obscene/ as much of an asshole as ever. I like the song because of that, in part, and because of its crazy instrumentals.
Well, my dad did not take this well. "What did he say?" he said, asking for clarifications on lines like, "black dick up in your spouse again," "no sports bra, let's keep it poppin'," and "but I got her back and I put my dick in her mouuuuthh."
Suffice to say, he was not impressed by this "creativity," or however the fuck I had hyped it up. The second half of the NBA game was pretty silent.
Kanye, I dig it, but damn... just damn...
TLDR: Kanye West caused an awkward moment with my dad.
noeatnosleep: Kanye is shit.
idefiler6: Absolute shit.
eyeffensive: Burn that shit.
No, I don't mean make a copy, I mean fucking set it on fire.
Tyler510: Make a copy
Burn 2 copies
More fun?
GoldenWolf60: Keep one,
keep making copies of it and burning them. Infinite fun!
| 6 | 2.666667 | |
1371805290 | 1372276513 | null | t5_2to41 | 38 | zombiekodi: TIFU by telling a woman her TV might be broke
Ok, this was actually on Tuesday.. but whatever.
I work in technical support for a large home service provider, and I got this call from a customer who had spoken with a friend, and the person behind me the night before. Her TV apparently started splitting the picture into 3 screens, and no matter how many cable boxes she got from us (three), it kept happening. Normally, one would think this is some kind of picture in picture issue, but our boxes don't have that capability, and a new one would have fixed it had something like that happened. The woman asked me to "reboot" the box, to which I replied "Ma'am, I can definitely do that for you, but has this even fixed it on any of your last calls?" To which she replies No, it hasn't.. so I tell her "It's highly unlikely it will fix it this time then, and can you please check to see what type of cable you have hooked up to the TV with?" She didn't knits, as usual, and told me it was whatever we put there. I tried to explain that there are a few different types it could be, can you just take a quick look, and described the ones our boxes use.. she doesn't feel like it. Ok, that's not unusual, these people are lazy. So then I ask her if she has anything besides a cable box, like a DVD or BluRay player she can hook up to this SAME cable. She says no, we don't have anything like that. I find that mind boggling, because I saw her bill, and it's not cheap, she has to have something.. I then start asking her about her TV itself, and see if she knows if she has picture in picture enabled on it somehow. She has NO idea, and wants me to fix this, now. I explain that "Ma'am, I order to fix this I need to figure out what the issue is, so that's why in asking these questions. Maybe it's a bad input cable, which is why I asked what type of cable you had. Maybe it's your TV. Which is why I asked if you had anything besides a cable box to hook it up to.. but I really don't think this is an issue with our equipment." She then says "I might have something else, but it's packed away, in a box, I'd have to find it.." so then I explain "I'm willing to wait, because at this point we have two options.. you could talk to your TV manufacturer to see if this could be a setting that's turned on, or we could send a tech, but in the case that it IS your TV, I'd have to advise you that you'd be charged for the tech to tell you that, then he'd leave because we don't work with 3rd party equipment issues.." Then all HELL breaks loose.. and she's starts screaming "YOU ARE SO RUDE, YOU HAVE BEEN NOTHING BUT NEGATIVE THIS WHOLE CALL. YOU AREN'T FIXING ANYTHING. FIX THIS NOW." I apologize to her for seeming negative, but explain again I'm trying to figure out what's causing the problem so if we DO need to send a tech, there won't be a charge.. and she screams some more "NO. NO. NO. YOU JUST DON'T CARE. YOU'RE THE WORST PERSON I'VE EVER TALKED TO. I'M CANCELLING MY SERVICES BECAUSE OF YOU. FUCK YOU, YOU LITTLE BITCH" I try to explain everything again, but she won't have it, and now she's going to file a corporate complaint against me, and she hangs up. Well, now I'm fucked if she complains about me, so I try and do my best by keeping notes about the entire thing on her file, trying to cover my ass.
TL;DR - Possible broken TV, try to figure out issue but customer is unwilling, explain about possible charge if we send tech and it is her TV, customer cancels services and files corporate complaint against me for being "negative" and not fixing her issue.
Viper_H: Jesus, use some paragraphs! That was a nightmare to read.
[deleted]: I did, but I'm on my phone. When I submitted it, the formatting got fucked up.
Marmadukian: Use two returns after the first paragraph to start a new paragraph.
| 4 | 9.5 | |
1371799752 | 1372162024 | null | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: TIFU by getting kicked out of the bar in 1 minute flat.
Today is my 21st birthday. [*somewhat fuzzy verification*](http://imgur.com/ZqK1WQ0). Just before midnight, I head with my college buds for the local dive bar for my first legal beer. We get there right at 12. After getting in without a hitch and starting to walk over to a table, I see a bottle shaped bulge in my roommates back pocket and immediately know what is up; They are planning to Ice me for my first legal drink -[if you're not familiar with what this means, take a peek](http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Bros%20Icing%20Bros&defid=4985974)- I call him on it before he's able to make the reveal, knowing I'll probably end up having to drink it regardless. He whips it out, a bit disappointed that his cover is blown, but by the rules of Icing, I'm obliged to comply and drink it anyway. Sooo I get down on a knee and chug the lukewarm Smirnoff Ice no further than 5 feet from the entrance to the joint, much to the chagrin/indignation of the manager standing directly behind me. Without a moment of hesitation, he throws the whole lot of us out on grounds of bringing in our own alc into the bar, and my inaugural bar visit ends no longer than a minute after it started.
At this point in time I must hold the world record for highest ratio between times being kicked out a bar to minutes actually spent in a bar with an unparalleled 1:1.
[Don't drink smirnoff ices kids.](https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQLisZQyG9rpgygK4Q3AjkcoIqOXkBe44E7iC1gFsxGAMKe5kjakA)
BALLS_IN_MY_ASS: My friend did the same thing, minus the being iced part. When he gets stupid drunk he turns into his alter ego. When this happened he decided to buy a 6 pack and bring it to the bar.....like a jackass. He tried to hide them under his jacket and a bouncer noticed as soon as he walked in the door. Might've been about 5 seconds, if that. Then he flipped shit and wanted to fight the 6' 7" about 275lb bouncer.
Different circumstances but, same result. You're not alone buddy.
Edit: Happy Birthday
SneerfulWizard: Damn you have seen some shit. Your all over TIFU.
BALLS_IN_MY_ASS: I fucking love TIFU, everyone's stories are hilarious. Maybe I'll have to tone it back a bit.
| 4 | 1.5 | |
1371824329 | 1371832139 | null | t5_2to41 | 4 | ItsABisonNotABuffalo: TIFU by having pot
My friends and I were driving, just smoking a bit on backroads. We were actually heading back to our apartments when we come upon a roadblock. I didn't know that's what it was; I didn't see any lights so I thought it was a construction site or something. My friend tells me to turn into this parking lot. Not really thinking, I oblige.
In the lot there are already two cops dealing with people who had tried to pull the same stunt as us. They ask us to park my car. I start having a panic attack, one thing leads to another, and I'm ticketed for possession of a small amount of marijuana. I have a court date set and I haven't told my parents yet. The cop told me I could lose my scholarship and I'm panicking and unsure of what to do. One thing is sure: I will never, ever smoke pot again. Ever.
idefiler6: How does the cop know you have a scholarship?
godneedsbooze: probably told him to try and garner some sympathy. I am guessing that this whole thing took place in a state where the cops have no sympathy for the terrible deviants that are stoners.
idefiler6: OP; don't talk to them. Lawyer the fuck up.
godneedsbooze: i am not OP....
idefiler6: It is known. But this is his thread he may see it.
godneedsbooze: it is known....
| 7 | 0.571429 | |
1371825350 | 1371830207 | null | t5_2to41 | 85 | tinkerbelle91: TIFU by calling a cab
Only a minor fuck up, but somewhat irritating nonetheless. It happened about 2 days ago
So, I work a 9-5:30 job in London. I'm an intern, so, usually I get out of work on time, and want to get home as quick as possible.
The only way out of London from where I work by tube is the Jubilee line. Following on from that I get a Met line home, usually takes about an hour.
On this particular evening, I left work on time, only to find that both tube lines were part suspended due to some earlier signal failure and a trespasser on the track (I mean, what kind of a dumb fuck goes for a wander along the track at peak time?!). The crowds at the station were horrendous, and the barriers were shut off so no one was actually moving anywhere. Needless to say, I decided to look for a different route home.
For some absurd reason, my brain thought calling for a cab in london would be smart. I knew it'd be expensive, but I figured it beats waiting in the crowd, and let's face it, I had no idea when I'd be able to catch a train.
The company I called told me it would be £25 to go from where I was to Baker Street. Bit of a bitch, but hopefully it wouldn't take me TOO long to get home, and sure beats travelling at rush hour with all these delays... Right?
Wrong.
Cab arrives at 6:15, at which point I'm already a little pissed since I would normally be close to home by this point, we set off and I drift off for a bit, since I figured it'd take about an hour in traffic.
I wake up and it's 7:10, and I know I'm not even close. We're stuck in traffic not too far from where I work, and it isn't moving. Great. Then I get a call from my parents, just letting me know that they've already eaten because they thought I wasn't coming home for dinner (I don't live at home). Awesome...
It's at this point I realise I have NO entertainment. I don't have my work laptop, I don't have my DS and I don't have my tablet. Nor do I have my headphones. If any of you have ever been in a particularly long car journey, I'm sure you'll appreciate how horrible it is when you have nothing to keep yourself busy!
I start redditing on my phone, and about 5 minutes later - it dies. Apparently I missed the low battery warning. Thanks Samsung!
So I sit there for another half hour thinking I'll be out of this stupid car *any minute now*, at which point the driver turns the radio on, and, as if to rub salt in the wound, a newsreader says:
*There are still severe delays on the Metropolitan line* - The one I plan on catching from Baker Street.. Followed by:
*The Jubilee line is now running a regular service* - Yep. The one I've just spent about and hour and a half in a cab driving through the entirety of london to avoid.
Finally, at 8:04, the driver pulls in at Marleybone to let me get cash out, and I pay him £25 for his trouble. He drops me off at Baker street, and I get out the car - only then noticing that I hadn't shut my purse properly. About £10 worth of coins fell from the purse in my hand and landed EVERYWHERE. Now, I'll be damned if I'm going to leave that money for someone else to find, so I picked up the coins that had landed in the car, and then proceeded to crawl around the outside of the car on my hands and knees picking up stray coins. I got so many odd looks (Likely due to the fact I was doing this in a skirt).
I scurry away, embarrassed out of my mind and just all round irritated, only to find that I have no money on my Oyster card and the queue is *huge*. I stand in line, top up, then make a dash for the Uxbridge train that's about to leave the platform, getting my bag caught in the doors as they shut.
I finally sit down on the train, red faced, sweaty, and with a hole in my tights (I'm assuming from kneeling on the floor, but I didn't notice this until I was on the train). It took 40 minutes from Baker Street to my house, meaning I didn't get home till 9pm. On a normal day, I'd have had dinner, watched pointless and showered by this time.
On top of all this, I was home so late I couldn't be bothered with cooking, and I live across the road from a chinese restaurant. Goodbye diet!
I really wish I'd just waited for the bloody train!
**TL;DR** Tube delays lead me to take a £25 tour of london, rip my tights, and ruin my reasonable attempt at a diet, whilst extending my journey home from 53 minutes to approximately 2 and a half hours
ygritte__: Some days are like that :(
tinkerbelle91: Tell me about it. Also, your name is Ygritte. I like you :D
ygritte__: Thanks :)
As luck would have it also waiting on a heavily delayed metro and passing time with Reddit.
tinkerbelle91: Reddit is really an ingenious idea. Hope you catch your train soon!
| 5 | 17 | |
1371828680 | 1371868955 | null | t5_2to41 | 1,023 | l3aca: TIFU by drinking AZ Fruit Punch
Yesterday, I bought a gallon jug of Arizona Fruit Punch. I cracked it open this morning at about 2. I drank the entire thing, then went to bed. To my horror I pissed all over myself.
UPDATE: I don't have diabeetus
unceunceunce: Congratulations, you drank 400g of sugar in one sitting.
Not_atall: Diabetes here we come.
squabette720: Don't worry eating a lot of sugar won't give you diabetes.
Not_atall: wink wink
squabette720: I'm going to guess this whole thing went right over my head. lol
[deleted]: I'm going to guess you don't know what diabetes is.
squabette720: I do actually. I know how people get it, I also know that most people think that excess sugar leads to type 2 diabetes. It doesn't.
[deleted]: From [Wikipedia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diabetes_mellitus_type_2#Cause):
Dietary factors also influence the risk of developing type 2 diabetes. Consumption of sugar-sweetened drinks in excess is associated with an increased risk.
squabette720: Sugar can cause insulin resistant, in large amounts over a period of time. However there are many other factors that you'd most likely get it from that's NOT drinking a gallon of arizona ice tea. Okay?
Now why don't you read the rest of the article, you dumb broad.
[deleted]: I was explaining why the joke was relevant, not trying to prove that OP will get diabetes.
Now why don't you go change your tampon and take a Midol.
squabette720: This had nothing to do with you, I was asking why u/notat_all put "wink wink" That's why I responded to him. Now get off your high horse, not everything on the fucking internet is directed at you.
But thanks for the advice, wouldn't want to get TSS and die. Or do you not know what that is, you ignorant twat?
[deleted]: "Name calling is the last resort of the desperate."
TIL that /u/squabette720 does not know how to take a joke, and also gets unreasonably angry at some friendly teasing.
squabette720: I don't think you know how to take a joke sweet'ums <3
Edit: I don't see how anything of what you said was a joke. You didn't explain the joke to me. You simply tried to prove me wrong like you have some kind of Nepolean complex.
[deleted]: Teehee, oh you :)
Gotta love the whole "No, YOU are!" playground routine. I think he/she has a crush on me, guys.
Edit in response to this guy's edit: I made the joke "I don't think you know what diabetes is", you responded by the whole "Um, no I do" routine, I linked some info, and you got pissed off. It's okay, I forgive you, /u/squabette720.
squabette720: You're right I've got a BIG LESBIAN CRUSH ON YOU.
[deleted]: I'm flattered :) Really, I am, but I'm taken, sweetheart, sorry. Friendsies? <3
| 17 | 60.176471 | |
1371719386 | 1372190181 | null | t5_2to41 | 19 | Fapper_Deluxe: TIFU by putting scissors into my pocket
Today right before leaving for work (was already dressed) I've noticed some hair sticking out and decided to chop them off. Got my scissors, did the thing and put them into my jeans front pocket. Completely forgot about them and left.
Came to my bus stop, put my hand into my pocket to get the wallet and OUCH! I've felt excruciating pain. Scissors' tip went deep right under my fingernail fuuuck!
Spear810: you keep your wallet in your front pocket?
Fapper_Deluxe: Yes, what's wrong with that?
Spear810: Nothing at all. it just struck me as different.
| 4 | 4.75 | |
1371769947 | 1371939273 | null | t5_2to41 | 37 | [deleted]: TIFU by having Family Fun Day
My wife and I decide we're going to take our kids outside on a little picnic. We have an old swingset in our yard, and we go outside, followed by my son and then my two year old daughter.
The thing is, since we were just going into the backyard, I didn't think to grab my house keys. This coincides with my daughter learning how to lock and unlock the door. Bad timing.
We're outside for about five minutes before I try to open the door. It's locked. No biggie, I think, I'll go look for my spare key. I look in the place my spare key is at...and it's broken. Then I remember I had replaced my spare key! All I have to do is grab it! From off the kitchen counter... ^inside ^my ^house...
OK, time to call someone. Maybe they have an idea! Except...oh, right, I don't have a phone. But serendipitously, my son had brought my iPad outside. Good, OK, can connect to wi-fi and contact someone. Except no one offers anything except "give me a number for one of your friends and I can call them to help!" or "call a locksmith?" or "break one of your windows!" Thing is, I can't afford a locksmith, and all my contacts are on my phone, and uh, well, no phone anymore...
So then I get a little desperate. I think to try the credit card trick...and uh, well, the closest thing I have is a Paypal debit card. Which is in my wallet. Inside...the damn house...
OK, so I find the next best thing I can use, which is apparently a machete. I try to jimmy the front door open with a machete. It's about the time I'm doing this... the Google Maps truck drives by. Wonderful! Now I'm gonna be on Google Maps trying to open my door with a machete. Then someone sees this...and calls cops.
At long last, a friend of mine who is a locksmith notices the original post I made and offers to stop by and open my door. Success! We get back in, about an hour and a half later. So we finally soak up some cool, refreshing A/C when the police show up.
One hassle and a "prove I live here" later... well, family fun day was certainly an event that didn't live up to it's name.
**tl:dr; my 2 year old daughter locks the door on the way out, we have no spare key or phones, I try jimmying the door open with a machete while a Google Maps truck drives by, locksmith friend saves our asses, but neighbors see someone trying to open a door with a machete and call the cops.**
EDITED to insert a TL;DR.
OceanRacoon: Where did the machete come from?
deathbydanny: Storage shed.
| 3 | 12.333333 | |
1371833069 | 1371847767 | null | t5_2to41 | 20 | throwaway801197: TIFU Wife might leave me.
About a year ago I had gotten a bit curious and sent an e-mail to another guy to see what would happen. I had no intentions doing anything irl though. Not really sure what came over me at that time. I guess I forgot to delete the e-mail and now my wife found it. Not sure what to do, would do anything for her. Just wanna make this right.
ferrarisnowday: /r/relationshipadvice
Was the guy just a random stranger from online? Did you even hold a conversation or was it just some craigslist/personal ad response?
throwaway801198: It was just a one time thing over craigslist. I never even got a reply back or anything. I sent it and I couldn't believe myself. I don't know why I didn't delete the evidence or such though.
ferrarisnowday: In that case it's virtually the same as looking at porn. You had a jerk off session and got carried away. It doesn't even sound like you would have followed up had the person replied.
barnacledoor: Not so much. He is actively reaching out to a man while married to a woman. She has good reason to be concerned about the marriage. Is he gay, but just refused to admit it? Also, looking at porn and going out and contacting someone with the chance of something happening is 2 different stories.
ferrarisnowday: I don't agree. I've read the craigslist ads before as a fantasy type thing during a porn session. I suppose I've never e-mailed anybody, but I could easily see a guy taking that step when they're super horny. Doesn't necessarily mean they'd follow through on it. I look at it as similar to calling a phone sex line or going on a cam site. He probably just wanted some interaction, but nothing truly real.
I don't think OP is gay or he would have said it. If he's bi, so what? It's not something to divorce a person over.
barnacledoor: I'm not saying this is something to divorce someone over either. I don't think we have enough of the story to make any judgement calls. All I'm saying is calling someone is different from looking at porn... even calling a phone sex line is different than looking at porn. I'd say it is porn -> cam site -> calling phone sex line -> contacting a random person on the internet for who knows what.
Reading a craigslist ad is different from emailing or calling someone. I'm sorry, but if you're super horny, just jerk it. If you're super horny, it should be easy.
| 7 | 2.857143 | |
1371839881 | 1371870800 | null | t5_2to41 | 324 | DickPringle: TIFU by trying to let my cat eat a piece of gristle hanging out of my mouth.
So I have a weird cat that eats literally everything he can get his hands on. (avocados, sweet potatoes, chips, eggs, almonds, dog bones, you name it). As I was eating the steak the lil' fucker was watching and begging for a piece for the duration of meal. He's still somewhat of a kitten and he likes to stand on his back legs to inspect and beg for stuff. Well in my infinite wisdom I decided to dangle a long piece (four inches) of left over gristle out of my mouth for him. I've done this many times before with him but never with steak. Well as soon as I put it in my mouth and dangled it above him he leapt way higher than I had anticipated and sunk his teeth into my top lip and the steak all at the same time. Right away I knew he got me good and blood started pouring everywhere. I have a beard so it was hard to tell right away but it probably could've used a few stitches but I Just superglued it shut instead. I was more worried about infection so I scrubbed the shit out of it first and got some antibiotics just in case. I'm going to a wedding tomorrow and I'm just going to tell people a hooker bit me because that sounds more reasonable.
Here's the lil' fucker pretending he's not a violent bastard: http://imgur.com/ngkUNll
baltimorescouser: I thought Avocados were dangerous to cats? You should really stop feeding your cat avocados.
DickPringle: I've never fed him anything but cat food and an occasional scrap. He steals food when i'm not looking. He's basically a ninja.
[deleted]: Avocados can cause vomiting and diarrhea, but are not that toxic. It's best to avoid letting him eat it. What a bastard. :)
| 4 | 81 | |
1371839749 | 1371899412 | null | t5_2to41 | 72 | googie_g15: TIFU by dropping hot Mac 'N Cheese on my dick.
I got home early from work today and none of my roommates were home. I decided that I had no business being sober on a beautiful Friday so I broke out the rum and beer. After a while of being drunk I was both hungry and horny at the same time. After much deliberation, the penis won out.
Commence a superb fap session.
Then came the hunger. I decided that one of those microwavable Mac 'N Cheese bowls sounded damn delicious. And yet I was too lazy to get dressed. Not really a problem since I would be home alone for the majority of the day.
Well, I commenced eating this and ended up dropping a spoonful right on my half-erect dick. The worst part was the cheese sauce burning my dick like melted plastic. I couldn't wipe it off fast enough. Ouch.
bad_job_readin: I shut my dick in a chest freezer once. It sucked.
Cougs67: H..how?
bad_job_readin: I'm on the tall side, and the freezer was just under waist high. Reach down to get something from the very bottom, came up with my hands full, leaned forward to pull the lid closed... and flattened the tip of my dick.
At least it wasn't the balls.
| 4 | 18 | |
1371846028 | 1372092068 | null | t5_2to41 | 37 | wfu: TIFU by responding to the wrong person on Facebook
Here's the backstory: There's this girl that my friends have wanted me to go after for the longest time. She is having a party tonight at her place, and my friends have been pressuring me to do something with her. I sent my friend a message over telling him that I'm nervous and don't know what to do. He responded with "for what?". Instead of replying to him, I replied to the girl with, "if I get too stressed my dick won't function as advertised." She still hasn't seen it.
HydrofoilGoat: So... how was the party?
wfu: It did not go well. She was a little bit icy to say the least.
Leedleloo: details, man. DETAILS
wfu: Well, she avoided me all night and derailed any attempts at conversation between us. I wasn't about to let her bad attitude ruin my good time so , I drank a lot of tequila, hit on one of her best friends (got her number), and then proceeded to break in to her sorority's house and claim a trophy for the night. I ended the night by passing out on her couch with like 3 other people.
She's never going to talk to me again, but at least I went out with a bang.
| 5 | 7.4 | |
1371854568 | 1372004830 | null | t5_2to41 | 208 | TheWierdSide: TIFU by taking YOUR advice, Reddit.
Do you guys remember when i posted [This?](http://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/1g1cy3/tifu_im_sure_this_has_happened_to_someone_else/)
Well a lot of you guys suggested that, in order to keep this from happening again, i should have my own **Cum-towel**.
I decided to take your advice and have been using one ever since. At least it isn't a ~~cumbox~~ **box that should not be named, right?**
I would use the towel, stuff it under my bed, then use it repeatedly for a whole week. I would then sneak it into the bathroom and wash it after a week of usage.
Now here's the fuck up. Last night, before my shower, I go under my bed in search of the towel, only to find that it is not there anymore. i went crazy searching for it! i couldnt find it and i couldnt ask my parents if they saw a fucking cum soiled face-towel under my bed. so i decided to forget about it and take my shower.
When i come back, i find it. It is folded neatly on top of my T-shirts and jeans. freshly washed like the rest of them.
I did not ask about it, and my mom, who does the washing, did not say anything about it. i hope it stays that way.
N3rV_402: Am I the only person in the fucking world that just cums on his hands, walks to the bathroom, cleans up with TP, flushes the fucking shit, and washes his hands?
So much easier than all this crazy shit I keep hearing about.
emptytissuebox: I hold the jizz in my foreskin until I can reach the bowl. Basically zero clean up required.
Feculence: What? How? Do you ejaculate a tiny bead of jizz?, or do you have a foreskin like a scrotum?
emptytissuebox: No, it's quite a lot of jizz but when you told it tight the jizz has no where to go so it doesn't really leave the shaft.
Feculence: That's nice for you, Mr balloony foreskin.
emptytissuebox: Thank you. I think it is a very useful skill to have. I am truly blessed.
Feculence: Good Lord, I've just noticed your username.
| 8 | 26 | |
1371853448 | 1372341736 | null | t5_2to41 | 28 | TIFUsofuckmeright: TIFU by introducing a Senator
throwaway time ....
This week I was at an small out-of-state event where a family member was receiving an award. One of my family members knows someone who knows someone, and managed to get one of the state senators to attend the presentation. Note that this was not a public event: it was really just a family party.
My uncle, hosting the event, called me last week and asked if I would introduce the senator. Sure, no problem. It was impressed upon me that the senator's time is in demand, so he would be first on the schedule, give a short speech, then leave. Therefore, my introduction was also the opening of the event. I asked if I was expected to give a bio or anything, and my uncle said, "Oh, no, nothing like that."
Now, I'm not much of a public speaker. I like to write, but that's because you have a lot of time to prepare, rewrite, and present yourself just how you like. So I tend to overprepare for things. As the "emcee" of the event, I prepared a welcome for the guests and a funny anecdote about the family member who was being honored. I kept it to about 3 minutes, because - as someone who hates public speaking - I always have the vague feeling that I'm wasting everyone's time.
I also looked up the proper form of address for a senator and checked the pronunciation of his name. Also, I don't live in his state and don't know much about him, so I glanced over his bio sheet even though I wouldn't need to use anything from it. Because, you know, I like to be prepared!
I arrived at the "small family party". Imagine my surprise to see the press there, along with a small entourage of advance people from the Senator's office. I was pulled aside by a member of his staff, who told me that I didn't have to "speak for half an hour or anything" but that I could just give "whatever highlights from the Senator's bio sheet had struck me as mentionable". And that she was happy to check over my comments in advance if I had a printed copy with me.
You know that dream where you're in a play but you haven't memorized your lines? Well, this was it. I mean, of COURSE the senator wanted me to rattle off all the things he'd done in his career. That was the REASON he was here - to have someone give a rah-rah speech in front of the reporters. Once I thought of it that way, it was blindingly obvious what I should have prepared, but hadn't.
I told her, sotto voce, that I suddenly felt really unprepared, that I hadn't planned on giving a speech, and had intended to merely say his name and turn the floor over to him. She gave me this really icy smile, and then said, well, you could just say .... and then rattled off about 10 organizations, committees, etc, that I had no hope of remembering. Um, OK.
The event was starting in just a few minutes; I was on. I got up to the mic, did my family introduction, and then started in. I tried (really I did) to remember a few of the pointers the dragon lady had suggested, but the last thing I wanted to do was to get the names or titles wrong, so within about 15 seconds it devolved into essentially, "Um....and lots of other .... really ... impressive ... stuff...."
Cheeks red, I said his name and got the fuck off the stage. Truly the most humiliating moment of my life. After the Senator's speech (which was gracious and excellent), he spent a few minutes shaking hands and taking photographs with people, but walked right by me without a word. He must have thought I'd snubbed and insulted him on purpose, as no one could have 'accidentally' been that unprepared.
The worst part: Seeing my father, who's the picture of propriety and an excellent public speaker, shaking his head and looking away from me. I'm sure (I hope!) he's never been that ashamed of me in his life. Also, the family member who pulled strings to get the senator there and who had requested that I be the one to make the introduction didn't speak to me for the rest of the day.
tl;dr knew I had to give a speech, but didn't write a speech
OceanRacoon: That sounds very embarrassing. You shoulda just crushed it by staring directly into the Senator's eyes and saying, "I don't know fuck all about you, and I don't give a shit about anything you've done."
Then squatted and taken a shit.
ssjkriccolo: But then it woulda been another shit-based TIFU
OceanRacoon: But it would have been by choice, and also then it wouldn't have appeared here because it wasn't a fuck up, it would be a conquer up, or whatever the opposite of a fuck up is
| 4 | 7 | |
1371839727 | 1371879713 | null | t5_2to41 | 29 | D4rk_N1nj4: TIFU by playing League of Legends
Not today but a little over a year ago (just found this subreddit), was around 1-2 AM on the weekend in my double in a dorm. Was playing a game of League with my headphones on and couldn't really hear much. Heard someone moving around, but I thought it was my roommate so I didn't really give it any thought.
Suddenly, I hear the door close and lock. Now, my roommate only locks the door before we go to sleep and usually tells me beforehand, so thought it was strange and turned away for a sec. And BOOM, half-naked muscular Indian guy standing right there, saying nothing.
He was a sophomore that lived on our floor. I knew him, but not too well. He was just standing there looking at me. Scared the shit out of me because I thought I was going to get raped. He ended up muttering some jibberish, stumbling around our room, and then proceeded to go to sleep in my roommate's bed.
I grab my roommate from the bathroom and we pull him from our room and put him to bed. So we get back to the room, I go back to playing League, and my roommate ask me, "Hey D4rk_N1nj4, why is my desk all wet?" In his drunken stumbling, while I was playing League, this guy manages to pee all over my roommate's desk, and I didn't notice it at all. I proceed to close my laptop and laugh nonstop for about half an hour while I help him clean up. I ended up telling the guy that did it next morning. He didn't remember anything and was super embarrassed.
tl;dr: Played League, wasn't paying any attention to anything else, unknowingly let a drunk guy pee on my roommate's desk.
RPC-Yttrium: This is why you should play Dota 2.
Daiephir: >This is why you should play **any other game** than LoL.
FTFY
RPC-Yttrium: I'll take the compromise.
| 4 | 7.25 | |
1371855703 | 1372038419 | null | t5_2to41 | 15 | kaivalya_pada: Tifu by eating hummus
So, last night I got some hummus and pita crisps to eat since it's been forever since I ate that. I was eating some more today for lunch, when I realized I needed to go to the gym.
I went, started warming up on the treadmill and then, I started running. Immediately after this, I started farting as well. The good thing was that at the moment, no one else was at the gym. I kept on this running - farting loudly cycle for a while. Then, this super cute, wearing glasses guy gets in the gym.
I started laughing like an imbecile. I'm pretty sure he smelled the whole thing.
He just smiled and got on his treadmill.
I'm a dork.
Edibleplague: * let me rephrase for anyone who read as **tifu by eating humans**
* So, last night I murdered a random person who lives in my apartment complex to eat since it's been forever since I ate that. I was eating some more today for lunch, when I realized I needed to go to the gym.
I went, started warming up on the treadmill and then, I started running. Immediately after this, I started getting the shakes as well. The good thing was that at the moment, no one else was at the gym. I kept on this running - Shake violently cycle for a while. Then, this super cute, wearing glasses guy gets in the gym.
I started laughing like an imbecile. I then proceeded to jump off of the cycle and ravenously devour his exposed flesh
He screamed and tried his best to futilely defend himself as he lay on the floor .
* I'm a closet cannibal.
kaivalya_pada: This is absolutely fantastic. Seriously, you made me laugh so much. I really needed this :)
Edibleplague: No problem just trying my best
| 4 | 3.75 | |
1371859983 | 1371873527 | null | t5_2to41 | 67 | throwaway178033: TIFU by not telling my doctor the whole story
Last night I was in a park with my girlfriend. We made out and talked for about two hours, then we had to get up to catch our train. As soon as I stood up, both my balls began to hurt rather badly. I didn't tell her because we haven't been together for long and it would have been awkward, so I just pretended nothing was wrong and we went to the train station. The pain only got worse and started to panick a bit, fearing I might have [testicular torsion] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Testicular_torsion). She got off eventually at her station and I went on, sitting there in horror at the thought of my manhood slowly dieing. When I got home, the pain still hadn't gotten any better and it was too bad to just go to sleep. I read up on testicular torsion and decided I had to go to the hospital. As I sat in my car, contemplating this ridiculous situation, the pain got better and better and when I got to the hospital, it was almost gone and I felt like a fucking fool. I went in anyway and explained my problem to the attending doctor. I left out the making out with my girlfriend part because I didn't deem it relevant. He told me they didn't have any urologists there, only a general surgeon that didn't have any idea about testicles, but they'd call her anyway. She came eventually and told me to pull down my pants. I obliged and held my penis up for her to be able to see my balls better. Now, this surgeon was a twenty-something semi-attractive woman and I hadn't masturbated in more than a week and so my dick began to grow rapidly in my hand as this stranger was fondling my ballsack. As soon as she was done I got my still growing shaft back in my pants, hoping she hadn't noticed my arousal. I still don't know if she did, but fuck me, was it embarrassing. As expected, she told me she had no idea and I had to drive to the next urological clinic, about half an hour away. Since my pain was almost entirely gone now, I called them first to decide if the drive was even necessary. I took about a minute to explain my whole situation to someone who turned out to be a nurse, so I told the whole fucking bullshit story again to the doctor who then told me the pain could have vanished because my nut has been without blood for so long, it's gone numb. Fuck. So I got into the car and drove all the fucking way to the next hospital. It was half past three in the morning by now. When I arrived there, it took me literally half a fucking hour to find a doctor who then finally agreed to ultrasound my scotum. To my relief and horror, he said I didn't have testicular torsion but a varicose vein and an inflammation on my left testicle. He told me to get it checked out if it caused problems again and prescribed me Voltaren and a mild Antibiotic. When I got home from what I now consider the most retarded night of my life, the sun was already rising.
Now here comes the kicker. When I told this all to my mother (she is a pharmacist and I wanted to know what to ) she told me about "blue balls". I didn't know this was an actual thing before, but thought it to be only and expression for not having had sex in a long time. Turns out, it is a [real condition] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue_balls) and completely harmless. So, the inflammation diagnosis was most probably bullshit (it was based solely on the fact that there was more blood in my left testicle than my right) and the vericose vein benign and my pain was caused by arousal without ejaculation.
The "mild" antibiotic turned out to be one of the strongest ones out there and would have fucked up my intestinal flora rather thoroughly, by the way. So always tell your doctor the whole story, kids.
[deleted]: Holy textwall, Batman. Here's some paragraphs for you:
>Last night I was in a park with my girlfriend. We made out and talked for about two hours, then we had to get up to catch our train. As soon as I stood up, both my balls began to hurt rather badly. I didn't tell her because we haven't been together for long and it would have been awkward, so I just pretended nothing was wrong and we went to the train station.
>The pain only got worse and started to panick a bit, fearing I might have testicular torsion. She got off eventually at her station and I went on, sitting there in horror at the thought of my manhood slowly dieing. When I got home, the pain still hadn't gotten any better and it was too bad to just go to sleep. I read up on testicular torsion and decided I had to go to the hospital.
>As I sat in my car, contemplating this ridiculous situation, the pain got better and better and when I got to the hospital, it was almost gone and I felt like a fucking fool. I went in anyway and explained my problem to the attending doctor. I left out the making out with my girlfriend part because I didn't deem it relevant. He told me they didn't have any urologists there, only a general surgeon that didn't have any idea about testicles, but they'd call her anyway.
>She came eventually and told me to pull down my pants. I obliged and held my penis up for her to be able to see my balls better. Now, this surgeon was a twenty-something semi-attractive woman and I hadn't masturbated in more than a week and so my dick began to grow rapidly in my hand as this stranger was fondling my ballsack. As soon as she was done I got my still growing shaft back in my pants, hoping she hadn't noticed my arousal. I still don't know if she did, but fuck me, was it embarrassing. As expected, she told me she had no idea and I had to drive to the next urological clinic, about half an hour away.
>Since my pain was almost entirely gone now, I called them first to decide if the drive was even necessary. I took about a minute to explain my whole situation to someone who turned out to be a nurse, so I told the whole fucking bullshit story again to the doctor who then told me the pain could have vanished because my nut has been without blood for so long, it's gone numb.
>Fuck.
>So I got into the car and drove all the fucking way to the next hospital. It was half past three in the morning by now. When I arrived there, it took me literally half a fucking hour to find a doctor who then finally agreed to ultrasound my scotum. To my relief and horror, he said I didn't have testicular torsion but a varicose vein and an inflammation on my left testicle. He told me to get it checked out if it caused problems again and prescribed me Voltaren and a mild Antibiotic.
>When I got home from what I now consider the most retarded night of my life, the sun was already rising.
>Now here comes the kicker.
>When I told this all to my mother (she is a pharmacist and I wanted to know what to ) she told me about "blue balls". I didn't know this was an actual thing before, but thought it to be only and expression for not having had sex in a long time. Turns out, it is a real condition and completely harmless.
>So, the inflammation diagnosis was most probably bullshit (it was based solely on the fact that there was more blood in my left testicle than my right) and the vericose vein benign and my pain was caused by arousal without ejaculation.
>The "mild" antibiotic turned out to be one of the strongest ones out there and would have fucked up my intestinal flora rather thoroughly, by the way. So always tell your doctor the whole story, kids.
[deleted]: I liked it better with the one paragraph break at the end. It really put me into the story.
[deleted]: I broke it into paragraphs for easier readability for those of us who get lost in the wall of words :)
| 4 | 16.75 | |
1371871410 | 1371876062 | null | t5_2to41 | 16 | [deleted]: TIFU by spilling coffee on my brand new shorts
TL;DR: My sister kicked me out of the library because I looked like a child molester.
Today, I made plans to meet up with my sister after she finished work. I got some coffee before I got on the train, and as I was getting up to leave, I spilt my coffee on my [brand new white stripe seersucker shorts](http://www.jcrew.com/mens_category/shorts/clubshorts/PRDOVR~23888/23888.jsp?TCode=GGBS00006&sisearchengine=197&siproduct=23888&noPopUp=true&utm_source=GooglePLAPE&origin={adtype}&kw={keyword}&gclid=CLK6tLzY9rcCFc0WMgod6iIARA). My sister works in the children's section of a library, and I went to meet her there. I briefly said hi to her, and went to the bathroom to clean the coffee off so a stain wouldn't set.
As soon as I finished cleaning the stain, I realized that this bathroom didn't have a hand dryer, and I had just splashed a bunch of water over my crotch, so it looked like I peed my pants. I went up to her, and she was laughing at me a little. I was earlier than I had planned, so I decided to hang out in the library until she finished work. I sat down on the couch, and there were some large cushions, and I thought that they would be a perfect way to cover up my pee-looking stain. About 2 minutes later, my sister came up to me and said, "Blueche, maybe you should sit outside, so the sun can help your shorts dry faster." I thought that this was a good idea, and I was only looking at my phone anyways, so I sat outside to wait for her.
As she came out, she said, "Sorry for kicking you out, but my coworkers thought it was suspicious that you had a pillow on your lap." It turns out that one of the other librarians, not knowing who I was, thought that some random guy was exposing himself to children. Luckily, my sister dealt with the situation as gracefully as possible.
ThaBlobFish: Why didn't she just say you were her brother?
blueche: She did, but also felt it was best to remove me from the situation so parents didn't get the wrong idea.
| 3 | 5.333333 | |
1371862389 | 1371880945 | null | t5_2to41 | 19 | ITSBACON: TIFU by parking the work van.
I shall paint you a picture. It's hot, mid afternoon, and less then the contents of a can of rootbeer in my stomach, so I am stressed.
I was delivering a PC to be setup at a local office, it was a rush job as the order only came through the company yesterday and HAD to be there today. So I am speeding along, trying to make good time and get this all set away so I can finish up for the weekend. Get to the office, start parking the delivery van, trying to line up with the vans beside me... CrUNCH! "Oh fuck me..." Pull up a little bit, get out check the damage sigh and radio the dispatch that I had had an accident.
Okay I have a delivery to complete! I get to the office, 30mins later I find out the customer can't take the computer today, and had no idea that I would be showing up.
I felt like Dante from Clerks "I wasn't supposed to be here today..."
/sigh
vinylscratchp0n3: Upvoted for a Clerks reference. How bad was the damage to the van?
ITSBACON: It's about a 10"x6"dent. I hit one of the cushion pads that transports use to know they are right up against the building.
| 3 | 6.333333 | |
1371893716 | 1371909332 | null | t5_2to41 | 29 | potato99: Continuation of falling asleep on girls shoulder and drooling
thanks guys where going out now and I have learned from my mistakes :).
Drudicta: Link to previous? =(
FelineJuggler4: [Previous](http://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/1gpuh3/by_staying_up_until_3_in_the_morning_watching_you/)
| 3 | 9.666667 | |
1371903461 | 1371953084 | null | t5_2to41 | 691 | jeremiahfelt: TIFU in front of coworkers and colleagues by speaking without thinking
More of a [yesterday I fucked up], but this is more fun.
So I work for a really big company. I spend a lot of my day on one conference call or another. This one was with four or five people from another division of our company, who wanted to ask us questions about a piece of software we have deployed, how we use it, how we like it, etc.
Now, we have this one project manager who is... a loose cannon. He tries really hard to be personable but it always blows up in his face. I'm pretty sure he's got aspbergers or some similar disorder, and gets frustrated with his level of expression AND what comes out. I digress.
We're joining the call bridge, like ya do, a few running late. The PM from the other business team jumps on, and the bridge introduces him. Our project manager quips up and says "That's quite the last name you've got. Is that Swiss?" The fellow replies, "Nope, it's French." We start the call, and maybe 90 seconds later, the bridge reports that Mr. Frenchlastname has left the call (his phone disconnected).
Completely without thinking, I mutter 'Eh, he must've surrendered.'
Half the bridge laughed. One dude laughed uncomfortably. The rest I assume were moritified (silent) or not paying attention (also silent). Our PM about lost his shit, but didn't know it was me who said it.
HeIsntMe: I'm not sure how that constitutes a fuck up. Well played is you ask me.
snipsnapdragon: >is
>is
>is
>is
>is
>is
[deleted]: What are you trying to say?
snipsnapdragon: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
[deleted]: ENGLISH, MOTHERFUCKER. DO YOU SPEAK IT.
snipsnapdragon: is supposed to if but he said is
its if
not is
someone made a mistake on the internet
the horrors oh the horrors
| 7 | 98.714286 | |
1371916236 | 1372005690 | null | t5_2to41 | 85 | Bl00death: TIFU by trying to be encouraging to a teenage girl
I'm a children's librarian in a small town where everyone seems to know each other. Part of my job is working with our volunteers. A very nice girl (about 14) started volunteering a couple of weeks ago. One of my co-workers knows her family and we were talking about her before her shift one day. Turns out this girl is from a wealthy family, is extremely popular, all the normal things that makes me regress into my old angsty "I hate pretty girls" mentality. This girl is actually really nice and very interested in library work so I put away my stupid baggage and continue to be encouraging to her.
One day during a lull we start talking about our families (just basic 'Do you have any brothers or sisters?' kind of stuff) She starts talking about her brothers and how they don't get along. I share my experience with my family and tell her 'You know, things may seem bad now but when you get older and move out of your parents house you're going to miss your brothers and parents. All of the little fights you have turn into funny stories. So just try to enjoy the time you get to spend under the same roof with your brothers." And then I say "As long as nothing really bad happens to you or your family I'm sure you'll look back favorably on your time together." She responds with "3 years ago my Dad gave up on life."
tl;dr I relied on small town gossip for news and made a young girl tell me about her Dad's suicide
edited for spelling
Kurtins: Well how did everything go afterwards?
Bl00death: After I picked up my stomach off the ground I asked her how she was doing with that. We ended up having a really good talk about dealing with grief and not feeling guilt over another persons actions. It turned out just fine, but it was a talk that I wasn't totally ready to have with her. She's still volunteering and we have a good relationship. I just feel like kind of an ass whenever I see her.
Kurtins: Yea closure! Seems like she's gotten over the ordeal
Bl00death: We still talk about her family and how she has a hard time relating to other kids. We actually had a good talk about how it's hard for her to cry during movies. I showed 'The NeverEnding Story' at work and she watched it with the other kids. I asked her if she cried during it at all and when she said no I jokingly told her she had the heart of the rock monster, but she shouldn't feel bad that things don't affect her in the same way that they would someone else.
Kurtins: Maybe at her Young age shes realized there is more important things to worry/think about.
cholliday95: This is what helps me make it through the day most of the time. I've got other things to think about than the people and things that bother me so much.
| 7 | 12.142857 | |
1371905383 | 1371947206 | null | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU car broke down.
So me and my girlfriend were visiting friends from college. Her and one of the friends needed to go way north for a test for a police officer job, so we pack some stuff and wake up at 4:00am to make it on time. About an hour and a half in my car gets a light on the dash I've never seen before. My car's book tells us its something with the transmission but I look at the fluid level and dont see anything wrong. Other lights are on but thats because if various electronic issues so we decide to move on. We have a chance to stop and switch cars a bit later but I decide to just go and check it out while my girlfriend and her friend are taking the test. About an hour later my rev indicator starts going nuts and we crawl to a defeating stop. We call a tow truck but its still only 7:30am and nothing is open until 8:00. My girlfriend's friend calls a friend of her's to take them the rest of the way and here I am, sitting here waiting to get towed while they all head out hoping this gets fixed so I can pick then up later today...
I guess I should have swapped cars when I had the chance.
TL;DR: Car broke down. Girlfriend is going to big city for cop test and fun with friends while I sit here hoping my car is fixable in time to pick them up tonight.
notacabanaboy: I just had this issue. engine revs and the car goes nowhere. the transmission is gone. either replace or rebuild. I just spent over 2k fixing mine.
killerkram: Thats 2k more than the car is worth. Im now roaming mn carless. Just gotta get home so I can get a new car. Right now im kinda pissed/depressed but im sure ill be having a laugh at this later.
notacabanaboy: Good luck man, keep your head up.
| 4 | 1 | |
1371949929 | 1372000405 | null | t5_2to41 | 3,782 | CG1991: TIFU by beating a customer with a banana at work.
In work packing a customers shopping bag and put bananas on top (to stop damage). Customer runs off to get juice; which I try to put in the bag as well.
He grabbed the bananas and said, "you fucking idiot! Bananas bruise, you piece of shit!"
At this point, I had had enough of peoples crap (a story for another day). I snatched a banana back and proceeded to hit him around the face with it while saying, "You're right! They do fucking bruise!"
I am currently awaiting investigation by the area manager.
coveritwithgas: You're clearly more in the wrong than he was, as you escalated to physical violence, and you've now lost your grocery bagging job at the distinguished age of 22, but . . . you did what had to be done.
[deleted]: Well... It was a fuck up.
MadDetective: Yeah, this isn't FML, here we recognize that the fuck up is our fault and we're more likely in the wrong. Don't hate, just laugh, because hitting someone with a bananna and saying "You're right! They do fucking bruise!" is fucking hilarious.
KCP100: I'm going to play devil's advocate here and just point out that although what OP did is frowned upon, and most people agree that there are more mature ways to handle the situation, some people agree with him. He stood up for himself, and despite how he did it, that might just be called for. The man had no reason to be a dick to him, especially since OP said he put the bananas on top in the first place, and the incredibly foul language was, in my opinion, uncalled for. If it teaches the man (or anyone) that they don't have to be so rude all of the time, I am supportive of OP.
teh_lyme: Fuck yes. I've worked customer service jobs my whole life. I understand that it's our job to take your shit. And I always do. But sometimes, I just want to be acknowledged as a human being. A tiny bit of respect, you know? It's the reason I smoke. If I could smack people with bananas, just every now and then, I'd be far less likely to have cancer.
boogerdouche: Service industry here, smoker for the same reason. I might just start carrying a banana around in my apron...
Bunch-O-Atoms: Please, if you can, please get yourself off smoking.
I'm on my 72nd day not smoking, and I made a promise to myself I will never smoke again.
Aside from the obvious health reasons, my pockets are fuller too. I was about a pack a day, so...
...$6/pack times 365 days equals...
$2,190/year times 6 years equals...
**$13,140** that I have spent solely on cigarettes in the last six years. Pretty fucking ridiculous. I could've used that money for so many better things.
I'm currently using [MyQuit Coach mobile app](http://www.livestrong.com/quit-smoking-app/), which has really helped me stay on the wagon. I had really bad cravings the first few weeks, but after a month, I finally had a breaktrhough, and now I feel better than I have in years.
Anyway, I don't mean to ramble on. I just care is all. :) Take care!
EDIT:
I'm also in the service industry, so I can *totally* relate, and it's part of the reason I got into smoking in the first place. It's just the work culture.
neuropharm115: Did you use any chemical aid? If you look up you'll see my comment on the unintended quit-smoking effects I happily stumbled upon with my new antidepressant, bupropion.
Edit: And a big congrats on your willpower and determination!
Bunch-O-Atoms: First off, thank you. :)
As a matter of fact, I went "cold turkey". There's no particular reason I chose this method over the patch or gum. I just wanted to see if I could do it.
So far, so good. :)
I did see your post about bupropion. I didn't know it had the unintended effect of also being a stop smoking aid!
To health! :D
neuropharm115: Yeah, they box it up under a different name for smoking cessation. I wonder if a bunch of quiting smokers randomly felt less depressed when they started Zyban...hm.
Bunch-O-Atoms: Heh. That would be an interesting study! :D
| 12 | 315.166667 | |
1371955130 | 1372001528 | null | t5_2to41 | 6 | Allegracat: Tifu by drinking coffee right before I was going to sleep.
Okay, so whenever I drink coffee I get a really bad stomach ache, so I usually don't drink it. But today my brilliant self decided to make a really strong cup right before bed. So not only am I too hyper to sleep, but I also am sitting on the bathroom floor, in front of the toilet, about to puke. I am a genius.
[deleted]: I have a rule. No coffee after 6 pm. Otherwise I'll be laying awake in bed for hours.
residentskitz: I read somewhere that caffeine affects you for about 7 hours.
[deleted]: Makes sense. I usually go to bed around 1 am.
| 4 | 1.5 | |
1371922179 | 1372001858 | null | t5_2to41 | 26 | babeigotastewgoing: TIFU by losing my passport, missing my flight, then leaving my iphone in a taxi in Birmingham.
God I love the south, kinda.
**Part One: FU prologue**
So here's what happened. I was at a week long conference in Birmingham, AL beginning last Saturday. Everything actually started then. I suppose I forgot to send myself a notification from the airline website or something when booking my ticket, because I never confirmed it, I just showed up to the airport on the day of my flight.
I knew something was wrong when they gave me a security voucher instead of an actual boarding pass, but I proceeded through security to my gate. When it arrived, it turned out the non-stop flight was oversold by one seat. It happened to be mine. I was then put on a connecting flight on another airline through Tampa, FL before getting into Birmingham, 5 hours late. Luckily, however, I booked my ticket one day in advance in anticipation of travel problems.
**Part Two**
So fast forward to yesterday, packing and getting ready to leave for home. I was on a shuttle for the airport when I realized I misplaced my passport card (which frees travel restrictions between the U.S. Canada, and Mexico and serves as identification for Airport Security and is NOT the booklet that gets stamped) - realizing this, I returned to the hotel as fast as I could, in a taxi #1. Once there, it took them a while to even process my lost item, let alone do anything to find it. The Hotel is connected to a convention center and it takes
I remembered specifically where I left it, on the table so other than housekeeping discarding it or stealing it, the hotel had coherent explanation. The major problem was that people also kept looking for the passport booklet instead of the card, which was in a little paper sleeve similar to the ones hotel room keys come in. After attempting to explain what was misplaced, the cab took me back to the airport. While waiting in the lobby, the meter ran and it ended up costing me about $50, so I was pissed.
When I got to the airport I just wanted my bags. I handed the driver my credit card and he proceeded to make the transaction while popping the trunk. As I pulled up to the check in counter, the attendant explained to me that I would not make the flight without a form of identification. With my university ID or any other photo identification, I'd have to go through the alternative screening process bound to take longer. I asked for a travel voucher and went back down to arrivals to get a taxi back to the hotel. Reaching for my phone I noticed it was missing. I checked all my pockets and thought about this subreddit.
At the Birmingham airport, there is this attendant that regulates the flow of taxi traffic into the arrivals hall. There currently are 2 baggage claims, and when a plane unloads the place really fills up. Pushing my way past people I found him. The guy, I forget his name, was incredibly helpful. He helped track down the cab driver, who was clear across the other side of town and had to double back to the airport.
In the end, I got my phone back and was able to call my parents and arrange bus transportation back home. There was one open seat on this charter that I was able to take. Now, you might ask yourself why did I chose to use this weird passport photo thing instead of a drivers licence which I also own? Because I also FU by misplacing that the night before my flight to Birmingham.
On Monday, I am going to go to the Passport office or whichever department is in charge and notify them.
And that reddit, is the story of how IFU.
Also, Happy Summer Solstice
bulletr0k: Fun fact: the Birmingham airport has Morgan Freeman on the PA with little messages. I was there last month
babeigotastewgoing: I enjoyed that part the most!
| 3 | 8.666667 | |
1371957831 | 1372030184 | null | t5_2to41 | 238 | iamaverystupidperson: TIFU by using shampoo rather than lube [NSFW]
I am a younger person still living at home with my parents. I happen to like jerking off with something vaguely phallus-shaped in my anus. Due to the complexities of buying an actual dildo or butt plug and lube, I improvise with a toothbrush on-the-go case and lotion.
I ran out of lotion yesterday.
So stupid me, I decide to use shampoo. For the first second or so, everything is great. Wonderful solo sexytime is in sight.
Then I realized the bottle of shampoo was Greek Fire.
Even as I write this, my anus is burning with the heat of one thousand suns. It is now my ultimate wish that Prometheus take back this fire of the gods.
The_Derpgasm: Oh god, the fact that the shampoo is called Greek Fire just makes this a thousand times better.
ThaBlobFish: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greek_fire
pesh527: This reminds me of Wildfire.
Fungruel: I think it might be an allusion. I thought the same thing on my first read through.
| 5 | 47.6 | |
1371958027 | 1372107019 | null | t5_2to41 | 49 | aaserrta: TIFU by misreading a schedule and and as a result failing the majority of my classes.
I have been taking 3 programming classes to catch up this summer. Due to being summer courses the normally 15 weeks curriculum is compressed down to 6.
Two of the courses however have assignments, including their finals, listed as being due on the seventh week. Assuming this was meant to be a finals week type of thing (which during fall/spring semesters are during the 16th week so it makes sense) I continued with the course on my merry little way.
I've worked like an absolute dog for the past month and a half, I can honestly count times that I've had a solid 8 hours of free time this summer on one hand. I've kept going because a). I do like the work and I've learned a lot, and b). I've been consistently getting 100's and similar on all my assignments which has kept me motivated.
So imagine my surprise when tonight after working since noon I go to my email to submit a few assignments and I see a message from my professor. "As a reminder the course will be ending tonight 6/22/2013, all assignments will be due by midnight."
I've skipped parties and game nights and gotten addicted to caffiene, and haven't seen the sun for over a month. And now I've got 34 minutes until I fail the two classes I've worked the most on in my college career.
[deleted]: Email the professor. In any case I'm really sorry this happened!! Fuckups like this happen. Also you could explain your confusion about the 7th week thing.
aaserrta: I don't reddit often and haven't checked this, so this will serve as a bit of an update.
In normal semesters classes are listed as running from Aug 28 to Dec 10 for instance, then finals are given the week after the 10th. In this summer semester classes run for six weeks and are listed as finishing on the 22nd.
Two of the courses are taught by the same professor and have assignments set up in weeks ( for week 1 do x, for week 2 do y, all the way up to week 7). I simply assumed this 7th week was an unlisted finals week like it is during a normal semester. But as I said a few nights ago at the end of the sixth week I got an email that course was closing and to have ALL assignments turned in by midnight. I assumed I misread something in the syllabus (my guess was maybe a "week" in the course meant blocks of 5 days)
In any case I've been in contact with the professor. This must be his first time using the online class system as well because he also assumed there would be an unlisted finals week and scheduled accordingly. Because the scheduling error was his fault the classes will be allowed to submit their finals late and he's going to write off everything else that was supposed to be due this week.
Aside from a minor heart attack everything should work out alright.
| 3 | 16.333333 | |
1371958534 | 1372093504 | null | t5_2to41 | 97 | Rosenkrantz_: TIFU by fisting
It turns out that when you don't wear a rubber glove that smell will stick in your hand pretty badly.
Also, hand sanitizer / heavy washing with strong soap just won't do. Trust me, I've been trying for some 5 or 6 hours now.
Meudhros: I think we need to hear the background story here please.
Rosenkrantz_: Sure. I must warn you it ain't nothing fancy:
Was hanging out @ a friend's. Drinks were had, mild to wild acts of sexual nature were performed and he wanted to be fisted. The amount of rubber gloves we had available was exactly zero, which didn't stop me from being naive and not trying to use a condom instead, since they are usually also made of latex, which is a (not to anyone's surprise) very flexible and sufficiently resistant material.
In went my fist as the usual rules of this practice dictate and much pleasure was felt by both people involved, firster and fistee. We were both not any surprised at all to find some fecal matter within my buddy's rear, but happily it was very few and barely gave us anything to clean up during and afterwards.
As it turns out, the whole "copiously frictioning a hand and almost half a forearm inside someone's butt" thing involves some residual scents which again, not surprisingly, are not at all pleasurable to us, kinksters who are not into the whole shitting business.
Said scents are usually felt by either or both parties when buttsex is involved regardless of which body part the penetrator pleases the penetree with, which is not usually a big deal.
Not if it isn't your hand which is smelling like shit, which has been my case for quite a few hours now. The smell has diminshed considerably, but whenever I want to scratch my nose I need to think twice and I've been washing my hands furiously every 5min or so.
[deleted]: >Was hanging out @ a friend's. Drinks were had,
>he wanted to be fisted.
Um. This happen often?
matadora79: I always wonder if it is harder for people that get their butthole fisted often to hold in poop.
Rosenkrantz_: It is not. In all seriousness, this is a long lasting myth. The sphincter just stretches back to its...original shape, if you will. The thing with fistees is: They have grown accostumed to stretching wider and relaxing better / (and usually faster as well) through practice. Even after a long "session" of in and uot hand / arm (Some people can take up to the elbow, which is indeed amazing and sort of creepy the first few times you see it), after whatever is inside is fully removed, the ass starts to relax and steadily contract, shutting back to the original diameter, but still retaining the ablity of getting back into whatever position it was before without the need of a long warm-up session.
Think of it as anal sex, only with a much larger cock. The concept is pretty much the same, only taken into a much wider spectrum.
Also, and I kid you not, if done right it is not painfull *al all*.
GodComplexGuy: I have a boner now. Off to watch some dirty garden girl porn...
| 7 | 13.857143 | |
1371969815 | 1372123496 | null | t5_2to41 | 78 | reederrabid: TIFU by smacking a teenage boy at the movies.
Tonight, I went to see a movie. I picked a seat and settled in. I noticed that I'd sat in front of a small group of teenage boys because I could hear them talking and laughing during the previews. No big deal - just the previews.
When the movie started, I could still hear them. It was a good twenty minutes into the movie that I'd finally had enough. Now, normally, I'm the type that would just sit there and take it and not do anything about it, but not this time. I turned around very obviously and, without screaming or yelling, very succinctly told them to "shut. up." Talk about an adrenaline rush! By the way my heart was racing, you would think I had just jumped out of a plane. I guess my body was just as surprised that I actually spoke up as my brain was...
And then one of the boys leaned down right next to my ear to retort. I wasn't expecting that. He got out, "Is this a theater--" before I reacted by smacking him in the forehead. Not with the palm but with the tips of my fingers with as much force as someone drumming idly on a table. A bop, if you will. With a "oh, wow", he immediately sat back and none of them peeped through the rest of the movie.
I imagine it was a bit embarrassing for him and I made it a point to apologize after the movie ended. He responded with a "fuck you" and then he and his friends walked off laughing at his witty response.
Anyway, I'm not sorry about getting them to quiet down, but I still feel bad about smacking the boy.
CreamWafers: People are talking about how he had it coming, you should have hit him harder, etc. I think you did fine. The fact that you felt guilty and wanted to apologize afterwards does not make you "soft," it makes you a good person. Yes what he did was wrong and disrespectful, but he's just a kid and it must have been as uncomfortable for him as it was for you. Actually causing him physical harm would have been horribly unnecessary. That said, it's probably good to forget about it and try not to feel too bad.
He probably learned his lesson.
OceanRacoon: Kids that are shits grow up to be adults that are shits, and they never learn their lesson
CreamWafers: I have known enough people to prove that this is only true a fraction of the time...
OceanRacoon: I've known the opposite ratio
CreamWafers: Well to be fair, I didn't say what the ratio was. I think it's about 50/50. There are perfectly respectable adults that I have seen apologize to the people they bullied in high school a while back.
| 6 | 13 | |
1371995278 | 1372058932 | null | t5_2to41 | 56 | [deleted]: TIFU by Saying goodbye to my German teacher.
I honestly don't know what came over me. I have a high respect for my German teacher and I know she likes me. As I was walking out the door I turned to my teacher to say 'auf wiedersehen' but I accidentally said 'Auschwitz'. The look on her face as I said it is something I will never forget. I went bright red and walked out without hearing her response.
It's worth noting that I had studied the Holocaust in history prior to the German lesson.
Tyronechickenbucket1: That's not reich.
ThePotatoGods12: Did Nazi that one coming.
| 3 | 18.666667 | |
1371997528 | 1372030311 | null | t5_2to41 | 176 | [deleted]: TIFU by accidently typing reddit.com/r/yifu
nsfw
gooddrunky: I don't want to go to there someone just tell me!
[deleted]: It's an empty subreddit with a background picture of a topless, old lady holding two black penises.
Justusbraz: Thank you, AlienBlue.
http://i.imgur.com/VTqDbr3.jpg
| 4 | 44 | |
1372017635 | 1372128787 | null | t5_2to41 | 42 | GoOnGoogleMe: TIFU by dancing all night in a club barefoot
It was my friends 21st birthday last night so we all got pretty drunk and decided to go dancing.. Once at the club I very cleverly decided that shoes were an inconvenience and were hindering my dancing. I obviously took them off, and spent the rest of the night dancing on a dirty sticky floor covered in glass.
My feet are ruined and filled with glass - and I probably caught something horrendous.
dufourgood: I did the same thing years ago (my sandals were stolen from under the table, go figure). Busted glass everywhere, and then I noticed bloody footprints. Before even looking at my feet, I knew they were my footprints. Duct tape and gauze was the first aid I received (twice, as I stayed and kept partying).
I was told I should have sued but didn't, only to find out (10 yrs later) that my friend's wife had sued the same bar for the same thing (paid for her schooling).
master_blast3r: sued for WHAT? being an idiot and walking around barefoot in a club? are you fucking joking>?
dufourgood: The staff bandaged me up, knowing full well I didn't have footwear. The "No Shoes, No Service" is supposed to have gotten me kicked out, and they didn't ask me to leave. I'm drunk with friends, why would I leave? I went back a 2nd time to get bandaged up again, and they still didn't ask me to leave. I agree I was an idiot, but they are liable for idiots too.
Whired: You're resentful because even after caring for someone acting like a child, they let you stay? You're the reason we can't have nice things
dufourgood: Where did I write down that I was resentful? You assume I am/was. I expected to get kicked out, even made arrangements and already called a taxi. Also, I didn't pursue anything as I knew I was the idiot. Tell me again why I'm the reason you can't have nice things?
Whired: You regret that you didn't sue them but you're not resentful?
dufourgood: Where, again, does it say anything about me regretting anything? I'm only mentioning that nobody is allowed in such establishments without footwear, and I should have been escorted out. LAW!!!, regardless if I was having fun or not. Again, I do blame myself, but I should have not been allowed to stay. If I'm backing out or falling asleep, "but I'm having fun", am I allowed to stay?
| 8 | 5.25 | |
1372017344 | 1372058979 | null | t5_2to41 | 28 | rscarson: TIFU by drinking a nice big can of my own diseased phlegm
So I'm sick, and gagging up phlegm all day into this empty can next to me. I get thirsty after waking up, and take a nice big swig.
dottmatrix: It could be worse - at least you didn't fry your own vomit.
rscarson: Is this a reference I missed?
dottmatrix: TIFU post a week or two back. Not for the faint of heart.
ThePotatoGods12: Nasty stuff
| 5 | 5.6 | |
1372021807 | 1372070988 | null | t5_2to41 | 608 | davver: TIFU giving my uncle a haircut.
So about a week ago, I used my new electric shaver to shorten my hair. My uncle saw that I can do it pretty well, and wanted me to shorten his hair as well. Being a good nephew, I accepted and proceeded to do it using my new shaver.
Now here's where shit *starts* to hit the fan- I started shaving from the top, and then I realized something's not right. I accidentally forgot to change the length on the shaver, and I ended up giving him a number 1 haircut (a 0 will make you bald). I already shaved some of his head, so I couldn't just change it back to a higher number, because it will look terrible.
But oh no, this isn't all. My uncle had cancer around 3 years ago and he's still traumatized from the cancer, hospital and all the things they had to do to in order to get rid of the cancer.
He now looks like he has cancer again thanks to me. TIFU badly, reddit :(
**TL;DR:** Accidentally made my uncle looks like a cancer patient again.
***Edit: to those of you who're saying that 1 is far from bald: his hair is white and sparse. I'm not saying that people with #1 hair length look like cancer patients.***
coveritwithgas: Bald guy here - we very much know the difference between us and a #1 haircut, as small as it is to everyone else. He'll understand.
CovingtonLane: I don't know the difference between bald and a haircut with #1.
OP, you owe your uncle a new hat. Think fedora.
HughJorgan1986: \#0 is not bald either. Only razor will make you truly bald.
USArentAmerica: And even then, not on everyone. The closest shave i can get still leaves me with a "shade"
TristanTzara1918: Have you tried waxing?
Mtrask: Simultaneous wince and cringe. Do that to your *head??*
Telekineticism: Some people do it to more… sensitive… areas. You think the head would be an exception?
Lamaomgrofl: But you can hide those sensitive areas. The head's kinda hard to hide
| 9 | 67.555556 | |
1372027828 | 1372109174 | null | t5_2to41 | 2 | [deleted]: TIFU by clicking that link.
Okay, so I went on this post http://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/1gwqss/tifu_by_accidently_typing_redditcomryifu/ . I should have clicked /r/yifu .
Don't. Click. That. Fucking. Link.
It's a bit like /r/spacedicks but this was a topless grandma holding two dicks in her fucking hands. I will be scarred for life. I won't look at my grandma the same way again.
For the lazy or TL;DR I clicked a link on a guy's TIFU post and now I'm scarred for life.
nitromonkeyjv: shit sounds gross sorry it happened to you
[deleted]: Yeah, Im so curious so i clicked the link.
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1372030271 | 1372093616 | null | t5_2to41 | 777 | throwaway_for_tifu: TIFU by making out with my cousin in a graveyard.
So my best friend likes my 2nd cousin. I've been trying to get them together for a few weeks now but she just isn't warming up to him so I meet up with her in person. (We live quite closeby in the countryside.) We decided to rendez-vous at the graveyard. We sit down on the edge of a grave because there's nowhere else to sit. I'm trying to persuade her into getting with my friend when she tells me to close my eyes. I comply and badda bing baddo boom we're making out. On somebody's grave. So the grave is covered by one large flag-stone. She pushes me back onto it in the middle of our passionate kissing and the fucking flag cracks down the middle and breaks in two. It's in a V-shape. We both proceeded to run out of there.
Gladly we got away with it.
TL;DR: A sudden incest appeared.
EDIT: Against my libido's better judgement, i've decided not to pursue this relationship. We would eventually end up getting feelings for each other which could get messy. Also I kind of kind of made out with a different girl who i'm not related to. (I hope.)
sg88: so what are you gonna tell your best friend... granted, she made the first move on you and when someone advances on you sometimes the body just goes into auto-pilot, but how are you gonna play this one off...
you gonna tell him that she is not interested and try to keep a secret hook-up happening?.. secrets have a way of getting out and he will be mad
you gonna just fess up and say that she is hot for what you got?. he may be mad at first but a best friend should understand, eventually
are you sure you wanna get into something with what sounds to me like she is a little crazy?.. sure it is fun at first but crazy is crazy
throwaway_for_tifu: Well I told him that she's not interested in him, which isn't lying.
We are having secret meet-ups well away from graveyards at the moment.
I am never telling anyone, we made a act to tell nobody.
I'M NOT SURE BUT IT'S SO TABOO AND HOT!
psychodave123: Second cousin isn't exactly taboo, simply frowned upon.
It's also legal so
Go nuts buddy
ResistReact: I've also heard that it really wont make a difference with..um... reproduction. Probably wont come to that but it is only an issue if it's continued for a few generations I believe
KingKidd: Even first cousins have a relatively low chance at reproductive defects compared to what people think could happen. It's Brother and Sister that have the high chance, and twins even higher.
ensanguine: I know, look at Joffrey.
CatatonicWalrus: That kid is such a little shit.
NarwhalAttack: Fuck him.
crassigyrinus: Don't tell that to Myrcella.
| 10 | 77.7 | |
1371923154 | 1372099254 | null | t5_2to41 | 5 | ann_no_aku: TIFU by sleeping in
I wanted to wake up early today. I have to be at work at 4pm, and since the weather is finally starting to get nice up here, I wanted to get out of bed before noon so I could enjoy the day.
I woke up when my man left the bed, still didn't get out. I woke up when the alarm went off at 9. Then the 30 minute timer after that, the 15 minute timer, 5 minute timer, and eventually just said "Fuck it, I'll get out of bed at noon".
Unfortunately, my body didn't see it that way. At about 11:40, I got roused out of half sleep by something. I could feel it. It was coming.
Immediately, I bolted upright in bed, frantically checking the sheets. Nothing was there.
Then I checked myself. I was clear.
As I swung one of my legs over the edge of the bed, I felt what I had been searching for.
On my leg.
A big bloody period glob had escaped my nightly protection and landed on my fucking leg.
As I stumbled to free myself from the bed in panic, I managed to smear it into the sheets. A large red print in the new sheets. On the new king sized bed. And somehow on my other leg now, too.
And the fucking blood mess decided to seep into the mattress cover (thank god not onto the bed itself!).
To make matters worse, I normally wear SoftCup to bed to prevent this CSI murder scene shit (I even posted previously about it before), but my period was being weird so I didn't think it necessary to waste one of them and had worn a pad instead.
Big fucking mistake.
I should have woken up earlier. This never would have happened. At least nothing is stained as I spent all morning frantically cleaning everything.
TL; DR TIFU by being a bloody mess.
EDIT: UPDATE!
Had to leave work one hour early because my period decided to make an appearance all over my clothes. I had been changing my tampon once every 2-3 hours (just in case it decided to be heavy), and I felt it when it exploded in my pants. I cried out of embarrassment, was allowed to leave early (despite there being just one other in the office), and immediately went home (another 45 minutes including walking through heavily trafficked areas) to wash my clothes.
To make matters worse, apparently I woke up my beau when I got home and he thought I was a robber (I work grave shift). I was in the basement, half naked with pre-wash soaked clothes on top of the washing machine when he came thundering downstairs to the kitchen. At least he didn't see me at my worse.
Didn't go to sleep until after laundry was done and the stains came out. Don't think I can face work tonight . . .
butterpiles: dumbass downvoting men. Sorry this happened to you darling. mine were this bad before depo, now I haven't seen a drop or a ruined pair of white pants in 4 years (started depo at 14, the bleeding stops within a year). Its a whole lot better than the softcup/pad/tampon nonsense, and your wallet will feel the difference too.
ann_no_aku: Want depo now. Have to leave work early (right now, actually) because my cycle is so fucking heavy.
Don't wear SoftCup to work because they are a bitch to change. And now my clothes are a mess. I cried (at 29 years of age, this is sad) and left one person in the office.
butterpiles: Go to your doctor!!! and if you have good insurance, it may be totally free!!!
ann_no_aku: I do have insurance. And I've been meaning to see an OB/GYN about my ridiculous periods (sometimes last 2 weeks, on a 5-6 week schedule, cramps and horrible pains for up to 2 weeks before bleeding, etc).
I was on birth control in high school for dysmenorrhea, but now I am just worried about all these side effects of birth control (like blood clots, which also run in my family).
| 5 | 1 | |
1372033182 | 1372058242 | null | t5_2to41 | 911 | warpaint: TIFU by eating doritos that were expired in 2005. FUCK MY LIFE.
Got super sick, can barely even move.
I previously had a cold and couldn't really taste them, so I kept eating them.
Now I'm dying.
EDIT: This is OP's friend. OP is currently in the hospital suffering from severe intestinal blockage.
sg88: you may need to seek medical attention. they tend to go bad after 3-6 months so, 8 years... im surprised they hadnt changed colors
warpaint: They did change colors... ):
Meudhros: And you still ate them?
warpaint: tbh, I wanted to impress a lady I had over by just casually eating 8 year doritos.
pextris: Well? Was she impressed?
warpaint: HS
pextris: Sorry, I'm not hip to this lingo. Hippo Shark? Hand shaft? Husky Sanchez?
warpaint: had sex
pextris: I had a similar experience, except it was after 18 years of marriage and eating bad oysters. The oysters were a bit off, but I had a cold and did not realize it because I couldn't smell it.
After going at it hard and heavy for a while, I started to get the bubble guts. I didn't think much of it, so I kept on moving. Everything was going well until the bubble guts started churning like a sumo wrestler jumping on my intestines.
Things were going well, until the pressure was at the end of my intestinal system. That day I learned to never gamble on a fart during intercourse.
warpaint: How many women have you had intercourse with?
pextris: 2.5, had a child with each one.
tumpkin33: .5?
PhantomV48: One of the children, perhaps?
| 14 | 65.071429 | |
1372032441 | 1372059279 | null | t5_2to41 | 47 | da_asparagus: TIFU by grilling on my deck.
I live in a manufactured home (fancy term for a doublewide) and we have a wooden deck on the house. Whoever built the deck didn't put adequate support beams in the middle of the deck, so it's bowing pretty badly. Anyway, after I was done grilling on my small grill that sit on the ground, I went inside to eat and let the grill cool off. Well, because of the bowing, the grill fell and one of the charcoals fell out without me realizing it. So I set the grill back up without seeing the still-hot coal. I go out there in the morning to leave to go to the Farmers Market and I see that the grill has partially fallen through the deck. I move the grill to see a decently sized hole (probably two feet long and 10 inches wide) had been burned through the deck.
TL;DR: I burned a hole through my deck with a hot coal.
pudd259: I started reading this because I saw an "I" where there was an "E". Story would've been way more fucked up my way.
da_asparagus: That would be a much better story. I'm surprised that hasn't happened here in Kentucky yet.
**BREAKING: Kentucky man burns a hole through his dick. More at 11.**
response_unrelated: >BREAKING: Kentucky man burns a hole through his dick, cousin, sister, and aunt all with severe facial burns. More at 11.
typhoon937: At least only one other person was hurt.
| 5 | 9.4 | |
1372050798 | 1372101744 | null | t5_2to41 | 11 | nymphetamine-x-girl: TIFU by trying to improve my health.
Last year I lost a bunch of weight, and like most- this year I'm well on the way to gaining it back. In an effort to lose the 25 lbs that I gained, I decided to start the same regimen I did last year by going on a several mike long walk/jog in my toe shoes. 6 miles in I notice that one of my toes starts to hurt and so I turn around and jog the 6 miles back, checking my toe for damage when I get home. It's fine, not even raw. So imagine to my surprise when I look down today, 4 days later, and see the biggest blister I've ever seen sprouting from my middle toe. Being a dumb college kid, I find my fiance's dull pocket knife and go at it. Nothing but blood and thick yellow goo. I'm now sitting at the urgent care getting it stitched up (it was under all the skin and they had to remove some, then sew) about to go on antibiotics.
I will burn the shoes when I get home.
Tldr; running in old, "good for you natural" shoes caused a massive infected blister that has to be stitched up.
YMlovesYOU: Was it the shoes, or running/walking 12 miles after being inactive for an extended period of time?
nymphetamine-x-girl: The shoes- I still walk like 6 miles a day regardless because of work, and cardiovascularly and muscle endurance wise, I was fine
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1372054493 | 1372169417 | null | t5_2to41 | 98 | kaythxbai: TIFU by getting my car stuck in my friend's driveway.
I was dropping my friend off at her house after a very good gym workout. Parked the car to go play with her dog. When I was about to leave, I found that the car wasn't moving. Wheels were spinning, but the car stood still. I was stuck in some mud, as it had been raining for the past week or so.
So after many efforts of trying to get myself unstuck, my friend called upon her father to tow me out. Halfway through this process, he notices that my back wheels were making skid marks. This was strange, as my Toyota Allion is a front wheel drive car. Impossible, I thought, unless...
... Unless I had my handbrake on the entire time. I had wasted everyone's time and slightly ripped up my friend's driveway simply because I left my handbrake on.
barnacledoor: ~~This doesn't make sense to me at all. If your car is front wheel drive, the rear wheels have no power to them. They just get dragged along with the car as you drive. How could they possibly be making skid marks?~~
EDIT: Front wheels were spinning, rear wheels were locked with handbrake. Front wheels were slowly pushing the car which was dragging the rear wheels along causing the skid marks. I got it. My bad. Thanks.
8_Bit_Apple: As in the wheels aren't moving. Imagine biking down a hill and pulling on the back brake. The front wheel spins (until it stops) and the back wheel is immobile and skids.
barnacledoor: Ok, I wasn't really picturing this correctly. The handbrake locked the rear wheels and the front wheels are still moving slowly pushing the car backwards even though the rear wheels are locked. I'm wrong. I'll edit the previous post. Thanks.
kaythxbai: It takes a strong man to admit his own mistake.
barnacledoor: :)
| 6 | 16.333333 | |
1372036422 | 1372114175 | null | t5_2to41 | 52 | SpiffShientz: TIFU by assuming inertia applied to relationships.
I'm part of an extensive Theatre Company, and two good friends of mine are Jayne and David, both spectacular actors, and they happen to be romantically entwined. They've been dating for quite a while at this point, and everyone's happy. They go great together, like milkshakes and bone fractures.
Now, I'm directing a short play about a pancake house. David's playing a waiter named Marty, and he's got a button-up and khakis for a costume. Jayne's hanging around onstage so I can ask her opinion on various facets of the play. David's got his costume on, and he's fiddling with his collar; he turns to me for advice.
"Hey, Steve, does this look better buttoned or un-buttoned?"
To which I reply; "Oh, I don't know, David, I'll have to ask Jayne!" At this point, I turn to include Jayne in the conversation. "After all, you're *her* man-friend!"
**Dead.** **Fucking.** **Silence.**
The two of them share an unspoken conversation, entirely with their eyes and facial expressions. I'm not good at body language, but from what I can tell;
"You tell him, you bitch."
"Hey, you're the one in his play, you chicken-legged dirtbag."
Finally, David turns to me awkwardly and reluctantly says;
",,,,,Yeah, not anymore, Steve."
I turn to Jayne for confirmation; she solemnly nods.
"Oh....." I respond. About thirty more seconds of me desperately trying to find some point in the room where I can safely put my eyes, before hastily muttering "No more rehearsal today." and dashing out of the building.
Fuckin' awkward silences, man.
[deleted]: I spent way too long trying to figure out the phrase "They go great together, like milkshakes and bone fractures."
I'm still not sure.
SpiffShientz: Somebody breaks your arm. What's the first thing you'd ask for?
A milkshake. A delicious, frothy, cream-filled chocolate milkshake.
[deleted]: I dunno, man.
I'd probably say something closer to "an ambulance," followed by "every morphine you have in the fucking building."
SpiffShientz: Well, I can see how both of our approaches have their advantages and disadvantages. Really a personal choice.
[deleted]: True enough. I can see your point of view.
8_Bit_Apple: He just threatened to break your arm didn't he.
| 7 | 7.428571 | |
1372056110 | 1372099182 | null | t5_2to41 | 42 | [deleted]: TIFU by making my wife feel fat
My wife and I were watching an old Couples Fear Factor episode and one of the challenges involved the man hanging upside down from a helicopter by a rope, while holding another rope that the girl holds on to, all the while hovering over cold water. The couple who holds on the longest wins. (Sorry if its a crummy explanation, I drew a picture if it helps)
Super official screenshot: [http://imgur.com/m5NJ28s](http://imgur.com/m5NJ28s)
Anyway, my wife and are watching this go down, here's the conversation:
Wife: Gee I guess you'd want to have the skinniest girl for this.
Me: That's kinda true for any situation, no?
Wife: Asshole. (walks away)
Me: What did I say?
sigh
RudeCats: maybe not so much that you made her feel fat, just that you asserted that being the "skinniest girl" is the primary factor that determines a woman's desirability.
yeah... ouch.
foamster: He did not even imply that. He simply agreed that being fit is always prefered to not being fit.
He is right.
His wife was asking a loaded question so that he would assuage her self-doubt. In my opinion, she got what she deserved: honesty.
| 3 | 14 | |
1372062590 | 1373725229 | null | t5_2to41 | 27 | ElectronicFerret: TIFU by having a messy apartment and now I have to get rid of my cat.
Wow, this subreddit is already making me feel better. I just went to google and typed in 'I fucked up' on a whim, because I did, and now here I am!
I have been in this apartment for two years now. When I moved in, the owners lived nearby. It is a 'no pets' lane of apartments but there was cat food we had to clean out from under the oven when I moved in, and cats further down the row of apartments, so about six months in I asked if I could get a cat. They said okay, so I got a signed paper from them to send to the local adoption agency ('local' meaning two hours away) and got myself a ridiculously spoiled indoor-only cat.
Since then, the apartment row has been transferred to the management of a faceless corporation that is four hours away in the next major city. The owners moved to Florida, I believe.
I let the place get really messy because I am a slob and a bachelorette and I never have anyone over. I got a citation about a month ago telling me I had two weeks to clean the fuck up, so I did. Got rid of trash, cleaned out the fridge, vacuumed, washed walls and floors, the whole deal. And I made sure it stayed that way. They came back to inspect, found it good, said so, and left.
Now, however, I got a second citation, telling me I have an unauthorized animal on the premises that is making a mess and causing damage. (scratched screen, bent blinds). I have until this Friday to get rid of him, or they will 'take action' and I will be liable for damages.
I have no idea what to do. I'm trying to get ahold of the shelter to see if they can get me a copy of the original letter of permission. If not, I think the shelter's provision is that they will take the animal back. I live in an incredibly rural area and there are almost no other apartments that will allow pets. Especially now that I've gotten in trouble for making a mess, I'm not even sure if they'd let me in. I have no idea what kind of damages they're claiming, or if they'll let me keep this cat. I've cleaned up my act, the apartment is nice and has been since they inspected, but I'm not sure if they'll back down.
I live literally a thousand miles away from the rest of my family. I moved out here for this job. I don't even know how long I'll have it. This cat is my buddy and I have had him without problems for a year and a half. If I have to return him it is incredibly abrupt, and I don't know what I'll do except maybe stay indoors and cry all summer. I don't care if I'm fucking 28; he's my fucking cat.
TLDR: I let my apartment become a mess and they had to inspect; despite me cleaning up now I'm being told to get rid of my cat or else.
Anonnov: If you have family whp lives near by put the cat in a crate in their home until your apartment is inspected. Dont get rid of your poor cat because these people are too worried about cheap blinds.
ElectronicFerret: My family lives about a thousand miles away (actual number). Unfortunately I'm kind of on my own out here. Additionally, per the shelter and my own preferences, he's an indoor cat; most cats around here are barn cats and from what I've seen get treated very poorly.
I'm calling them today. I gave the shelter a letter of permission from the landlord and thank HEAVENS they keep all their papers on file. Hopefully I can get this figured out today.
Anonnov: i hope everything works, we went through the same ordeal with our kitties.
ElectronicFerret: They're clearing out all the apartments of pets, it sounds like; lots of people have cats, not just me, and they're not satisfied with any of them so now it's en-masse getting them out.
I don't know if I'm going to have any luck. My last shot is to take it to the local HUD an hour and a half away and hope they've got some ground for me to stand on, but it doesn't seem like it. And now I have until Thursday, and it's a two-hour drive to the shelter, so the cat has to go tomorrow while I figure things out.
Sucks to be me, I guess.
Anonnov: ugh put her in your car with you untill the check the apartments.
ElectronicFerret: Town of 3K people... not a lot of places to check, unfortunately.
Additionally, most are income-based, and I make too much money for them, which means they charge me the max -- $800 for a single. That might sound cheap for a city but when you're a teacher in the lowest-paying state in the nation it's all the difference.
Anonnov: I never thought I'd have to go through this, but my family now has to get rid of our three family cats. Our home is the only home that my cats have ever known and now we have to take them to a shelter tomorrow. I just hope that our kitties all fins happy and loving homes
ElectronicFerret: Yep.
as it turns out, they went through all the apartments to clear out pets, not just mine. The shelter is willing to hold him for awhile but since I can't get another place in town I won't get him back.
sucks.
| 9 | 3 | |
1372064841 | 1372114060 | null | t5_2to41 | 32 | TheTannerMan: Today I fucked up by getting piss drunk
So I just finished school up (I'm on the quarter system) and came back home. Yesterday my cousin hit me up to go to the bars with him. Seeing as I recently graduated, people kept buying me drinks. I got sloshed. Well this one hot girl starts flirting with me, and telling me I'm cute. We start to talk, and she tells me she owns a furniture store in downtown. Then she tells me we can check it out later. We talk for a little while longer at the bar, and then we leave for her furniture store. However, she insists I buy beer at the 7-11 next to her place. We go into the furniture shop, and proceed to drink beers. I wake up in the morning to discover I pissed myself on one of her show room couches. I tell her I have to get going, and booked it out of there. No number, no info, just scrammed.
tl;dr: I met a hot girl while drunk, and proceeded to pee on her furniture store's floor couch in my sleep.
InvertedTherapy: DM;HS?
TheTannerMan: Oh, nope no sex
response_unrelated: How is this possible? A drunk woman took you to her furniture store... The only things to see there are things that you have sex on! Beds, couches, chairs, rugs, tables, bushes... TYFU by not having sex with a clearly consenting female on all of her couches rugs tables chairs bushes and possibly lamps!!!
TheTannerMan: I blew it.
8_Bit_Apple: You just said you didn't have sex.
TheTannerMan: As in the Tim and Eric kind, not the sexual meaning.
| 7 | 4.571429 | |
1372067116 | 1372647154 | null | t5_2to41 | 119 | no-knee-mouse: TIFU by not responding to 30mins of flirting
It's never a great feeling when someone doesn't reciprocate in social situations, I hate it when it happens to me so I feel really bad about what happened.
My own damn fault, was out way too late the night before and only had 3 hours sleep, plus had agreed to meet up with some friends at a convention (cause ditching people is not cool).
Separated from friends temporarily to see different things, and just starting talking to people around me while watching a show. Then someone approaches, pretty cute, nice smile, being quite friendly, making shy glances and really trying to bring up talking points for the better part of a half hour while I switch between staring blankly ahead at the show or making small, boring responses which are difficult to follow up with more conversation.
Eventually, they give up and walk off. In my sleep deprived stupor, I realize about an hour later they were trying to flirt and really kick myself for my behaviour.
Whoever you are out there, I'm really sorry for being a drowsy ass.
Fudgms: Don't feel bad, I missed the opportunity to make out (possibly more) with one of my hot friends I've wanted to get with for a while but was friendzoned, no strings attached. Looking back now it was FUCKING obvious. If anyone cares I can go into detail but I still beat myself up about it (was about 6 months ago).
UncleCarnage: Oh man same happened to me a couple weeks ago. I told her about how I used to be into her and she said she was too but ofc I didnt see that and we stayed friends for 4 years. Still a virgin, fuck my life.
Fudgms: Well with this chick I have made it clear I was interested in her...a couple times...and every time she made it very clear she isn't. So in my defense I wasn't sure if they were signs to act on.
| 4 | 29.75 | |
1372081297 | 1372109857 | null | t5_2to41 | 10 | [deleted]: TIFU by getting sucker punched.
So I come home from school with the plan to get ready as I have an interview for a mechanic apprenticeship at 6:00 pm. As I open the door, my brother jumps out and punches me in the face. Blood, swelling, the whole nine yards. When I got it to stop bleeding it looked like I went 10 rounds with Rocky. Nevertheless, I clean itup and get ready for the interview. I go in and am getting interviewed by this old hag of a woman who just stops talking mid sentence. I get scared as I feel something warm running down my chin. Turns out my lip started bleeding again and scared the hell outta this lady. TL;DR: got punched in the face and my mouth starts bleeding in a job interview, scares the hell out of old lady.
Jereso: Did you get punched for a reason or just because your brother is an asshole?
McLower: Nothing at all. I hadn't even said one word to him for roughly 3 days then BAM. He laughed and walked away.
| 3 | 3.333333 | |
1372084547 | 1372087988 | null | t5_2to41 | -4 | [deleted]: TIFU by getting my haircut by a man who was not listening to a damn word I said..
I went to the barber on Saturday to get a trim. My hair is usually short on the sides and about 2-3 inches long on top depending on how long it's been since the last trim. My fiance was sitting there as I told the guy "#2 on the back/sides, and trim it up on top so that I can spike it up a bit with wax or gel". He was nailing the haircut about 30 seconds in, making chit chat, asking me how the new taco place next door was, and then he comes right down the top of my head with the clippers.
"I thought you want #2 all over..."
"No, I that is not what I told you. I guess we are doing a #2 all over now.."
I was so angry that I was shaking. I saw my fiances face and could tell that I was the less pissed off of the two. He cut a #2 all around, did not charge me, and in exchange, I escorted my fiance out of the shop, thus saving this man's life. We WERE supposed to take engagement photos with our very expensive wedding photographer this month. Now having to push that back by a month..
I know it will grow back and it really was funny about an hour after it happened and I had cooled down.
TL;DR
Visiting a $15/haircut barber shop for 10 years finally backfired. I am now bald, and had to reschedule engagement photos with my fiance.
Whired: TIFU does not care about your passive-aggressive botched vanity douchebaggery
response_unrelated: TIFU by posting passive aggressive botched vanity douchbaggery
| 3 | -1.333333 | |
1372091665 | 1372262625 | null | t5_2to41 | 2,556 | [deleted]: TIFU By taking a shower in a 200 year old rock ranch house.
So my buddy's parents own a huge ranch and we were invited up for the weekend. His brother lives on the ranch in a house built somewhere around 1800. We stayed with him. Fast forward to Saturday night; we partied hard....very very hard. Sunday morning rolls around and I wake up. Hangover. So I did what I always do, I took 2 BC Powders, I got in the shower, turned the shower on low and laid down. I stayed like this for about an hour. Time to get out. I start to stand up. Horrific pain on the underside of my ball sack. I reach down, feel something under there, pull it out. It's a damn scorpion. So now as the underside of my ball sack feels like someone has poked it with a hot coal. I jump out of the shower, dry off, get dressed and kill the Spawn of Satan.
TL;DR: Scorpion stung my ball sack. Fuck you for laughing.
Sirlancealot91: hope you went to the doctor or something...may your balls be well!
[deleted]: No doctor. I've been stung several times. It just takes time.
SilentLurker: In the balls? I know certain areas of your body will respond differently to trauma. Also, your response reminded me of [this](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42gQTgBEK4c). "I been pepper sprayed 9 times, it takes 20 minutes."
[deleted]: Haha! No, not in the balls. This was my first time for that.
[deleted]: Dude what if it's like in Spiderman, but with a scorpion... and your BALL SACK!?
joshuad80: So... He gets scorpion powers... But only on his ball sack?
cojafoji: "A local man was arrested today after attempting to subdue what he believed was a criminal, by *exposing* himself. Thomas Dalton of West Filadelphia was charged with one count of sexual assault, and attempted rape. According to eye witnesses, he was seen shortly before the altercation occurred, talking to himself, and referencing what witnesses are calling his 'scorpion sack'. It is unclear whether or not narcotics were involved at this time, as the police *refuse* to disclose further information. We'll have more for you at 11:00."
--TheDoctor--: In West Philadelphia born and raised
TryToMakeSongsHappen: *On the playground where I spent most of my days*
Cosmic_Hitchhiker: chillin' out, maxin', relaxin' all cool.
HolyHarris: Shoot'in some B-ball outside the school,
Dick-Pizza: *When a couple of guys, who were up to no good*
ProToiletClogger: *started making trouble underneath my hood*
| 14 | 182.571429 | |
1372094422 | 1372356993 | null | t5_2to41 | 193 | tingtongtooting: TIFU by not wearing panties in bed
I was masturbating with my legs spread open and I felt something on my leg. I thought it was one of my hairs (my brain didn't have the necessary blood to question where the hair would come from) and didn't think anything of it.
The next second, I felt something jump from my leg and land ON MY LIPS and I backed up, shocked, then freaked the fuck out when I saw that little fucker peering up at me.
I ran away, screaming silently (it was 4am and I didn't want to wake everyone up), to scrub my vagina off. When I came back, that little fuck was still there looking up at me at the same spot so I scooped him up with a flannel and tried to kill him.
Yes, I said tried because even though I squished, flattened, punch, screamed at, and pounded the ball of scrunched up cloth, upon opening it, the shitting asshole scurried out towards me.
allofmywhat.png
I've always hated cockroaches, and even though one tried his best moves in an attempt to seduce me, I stand by my hatred for the bloody things. The only thing that beats my derision for cockroaches is the fact that huge-ass flying cockroaches also exist in my country.
X-POST from /r/offmychest, thanks for the suggestion, u/koolitxxx!
nabgi: At least it didn't bite you. I had one crawl up my pants leg while laying in bed and got to about my knee when I felt it.. Flipped out and it bit me. NEVER HAVE I TAKEN PANTS OFF SO FAST... Roaches are crazy
BuzzsGirlfriendWoof: I know that take off quickly feeling. I crawled into bed one hot summer night to find that the cold spot under the sheets that I was cuddling with was a snake.
nabgi: Mygod...... I've always feared the :(
Yodaddysbelt: I think he might have been subtly complimenting his manhood
| 5 | 38.6 | |
1372105033 | 1372107460 | null | t5_2to41 | -6 | WeAllDoThings: TIFU by not accepting a job interview.
I applied to Target and instead of taking the first interview available, I told them I couldn't make it.
Now I am back in the applicant pool.
[deleted]: How old are you?
[deleted]: does it matter? at least he's trying to get a fucking job
[deleted]: It does. If he was 16 it would be okay but if he's 20+ he done fucked up.
I'm currently looking. Hard out here for a pimp.
[deleted]: well listen sometimes life doesn't go the way we want some, hell for all we know he could be saving for college.
[deleted]: Who shit in your milkshake? Keep your voice down, whole internet's watching.
[deleted]: those goddamn jews, thankfully I got new ovens
[deleted]: oy vey.
| 8 | -0.75 | |
1372106979 | 1375685582 | null | t5_2to41 | 7 | alexukop: TIFU by grossly over-estimating my salary on a loan application
A few days ago I was at a car dealership, nice little place, submitting his application for a loan that he would send to the bank.
Because I'm a 20 year old who works at a restaurant, I don't exactly know my "salary", just my wage. Well, I was put on the spot, and had to do a few quick calculations. So I took my wage (including the raise I had just gotten last week) and calculated it all up. Wage x 35 (hours in a week, rougly) x 52, and then added a random number for tips, because I serve as well. After all that, it came out looking like about 22,000. So I put that.
Well the bank wants to give me the loan, but first they want my 2012 W2 form and my last two pay stubs.
But after looking at them all... I realized that I made only about 12,000 last year, before I served and before I started making tips. I also regret doing the adding without accounting for the fact that I JUST GOT this raise, and probably overestimating some tips, and didn't account for tax. So now the bank is probably going to think I'm trying to pull the wool over their eyes, and by making me send them my W2 they'll think they "caught me in the act." So now I'm afraid I won't get my car loan. All because I did on-the-spot math without thinking it through.
UPDATE: I know nobody is really following this or cares or anything, but I got the loan... with a co-sign. The bastards.
TruckerTimmah: Your priorities are whacked. Why would you want to finance a car when you barely make above minimum wage?
alexukop: You're a little late to the game. I've been paying off the car for a while now, doing just fine.
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1372107187 | 1372157999 | null | t5_2to41 | 26 | [deleted]: TIFU by destroying my roommates hard drive.
It's been a real shitty month for me. My GF and I had just broke up the day before all this.
Some backstory: my roommate, B, is an unemployed 30 year old who smokes pot all day. He's stated that he has no interest in getting job. He doesn't contribute anything to shared house stuff (toilet paper, cleaning supplies, toothpaste, gas for the lawnmower, communal food, etc.) He's been a really difficult person to live with.
My other roommate, A, and I both work 50-60 hours a week. We clean up after ourselves and just kind of stay in our own rooms if we are at the house. Roommate B is the only one of us who uses the common areas. Roommate A and I clean the common areas when we can but we don't do it often because we hardly ever use the common areas.
We get text messages from B every time he cleans something and he doesn't stop sending text until we acknowledge that we go them. I've received as many as 18 texts a day.
He also insists that Roommate A and I don't clean anything. It's not true we just don't send 18 text messages every time we take out the garbage.
We'd asked him to leave several times but he's always said that he can't afford to leave.
Then he went to the landlord and complained about Rommate A and I. He said that he wanted to have the two of us evicted. Landlord said, "hey, this is your problem so don't make it mine." So, Roommate B calls the landlord again, every day, for two weeks.
Finally, the landlord announces that she had been thinking of selling the house when we all moved out anyway and gives us our 30 day notice.
So now I have to spend money on a new place, the deposit, furniture, and other moving costs and I'm pissed about it. On Saturday, Roommate B told me that he thought I was the most pathetic person he knew and I snapped. I told him to fuck off and I punched his 2TB external hard drive that was on the counter.
Now he wants to get the data recovered and he's holding me responsible. That's cool, I did punch it. I'm just bummed because I have no idea how I can afford that.
Murisaki: You need to stick up for yourself. Cover the cost of another 2TB external drive but not data recovery. It's his own damn fault for not having a backup.
[deleted]: absolutely.
| 3 | 8.666667 | |
1372110206 | 1372130928 | null | t5_2to41 | 131 | Throwaway74788282: TIFU by masturbating at someone else's house
My girlfriend's family is out of town for the week. Today, while my girlfriend was at work, I was at her parent's house checking on the animals. There was a computer handy, so I decided to hop on the internet for a little while.
I'm sure you can understand what happened from there. After I finished up (in their kitchen), I cleaned up, cleared the browsing history on the computer, and started getting ready to leave.
I notice, as I'm leaving, a zippo lighter on the counter. Neither her parents or brother smoke, so I decide to pick it up and check it out -- I've always loved zippo's. On the bottom of it there is a tiny black hole. Upon further inspection, it's one of those "nanny cam's" that people leave to make sure that the person they've got at their house isn't stealing or something.
I could have stolen the lighter so that they couldn't watch what was on it, but I think that I'd rather be angry at me for masturbating than angry at me for stealing.
I'm not entirely sure what they'll think of the hour of video with their 21 year old (soon to be) son in law spraying his fluid all over their kitchen bar...
Meudhros: They probably wont check it unless anything is missing.
Throwaway74788282: Her mother doesn't really like me anyway, as I'm a "college dropout loser who's going nowhere in life" unlike my gf's ex's, who were all studying to be doctors, lawyers, etc.
Her dad is ecstatic that I'm into politics as much as he is, so at least I've got something going for me.
Her mother is batshit insane though, and probably will look at it
Edit: Fucking grammar.
blacmagick: Can you give us an update on how things go when/if you get confronted with this?
| 4 | 32.75 | |
1372112679 | 1372114445 | null | t5_2to41 | 67 | PhishnChips: TIFU by dropping my shoe in the toilet at work on top of my turds.
The title pretty much explains it all. But I guess you'd all be interested in the how part.
I don't use my hand to flush. I always kick my leg up and push the handle with my foot (it's your typical public bathroom straight handle). I've done it thousands of times successfully, but today I guess I kicked with a little extra gusto and my heal got caught on the handle and ripped my shoe off of my foot. Time slowed as I watched it drop into the toilet bowl while I yelled "aw fuck".
I fished it out, threw it away and hobbled back to my desk. I now sit here with one shoe on and I refuse to leave till after everyone else, I do not wish to be called *stank foot*, which is what my mind has determined my nick name would be if anyone found out. I am patiently waiting to go home. I will drive my one shoe'd ass home and drink heavily in honor of my fallen comrade "lefty".
edit: I've been sitting at my desk for several hours since this happened. I have to go to the bathroom again, but I don't want to get up and walk there with one shoe, and actually, I don't want to walk on the bathroom floor in my sock. I'm almost done with my work day the office is starting to slowly empty out. I think I might get away with this on unscathed. Well... Except the whole being down a shoe thing.
Lose20lbsAsshole: I flush with my foot just like that too. Thanks for going through that fuck up so I can learn from your mistake. You know, using the toe of your shoe works really well.
PhishnChips: That's how I do it. But this time I guess I aimed too high and it hit the heel of my foot and popped my dress shoe right off.
They were really nice shoes too. Probably could have washed it off and brought it home to clean it but I was mortified and didn't know what to do.
| 3 | 22.333333 | |
1372114324 | 1372246348 | null | t5_2to41 | 41 | JudgementTime: TIFU by trying to buy The Last of Us
So my brother and I were going to Best Buy to get a copy of The Last of Us, but unfortunately they were sold out. So we went to try our luck at Wal-Mart, but today my luck was utterly shitty. I had 2 $50 bills to cover the cost of the $60 game. Wal-Mart was sold out to but when we got into the car, I checked my pocket and my money was gone. I went back and check Wal-Mart (no doubt someone else took it when I dropped it) and in a desperate attempt tried to search in Best Buy...nothing. So here I am, game-less, money-less, and sipping my soda.
sg88: so you couldnt buy the last of the last of us and you lost the last of cash
mokeskin34: Yo dawg, we heard you like the last.
GoldenWolf60: So we got you the last of the last last
| 4 | 10.25 | |
1372116380 | 1372166900 | null | t5_2to41 | 18 | Ozzy720: TIFU by Underestimating the Weight of Wood (Picture inside)
So I was on a job site today, moving around materials with a pump-cart. So anyway, I came to a ramp and I had to get the cart down it.
I'm a guy who has never really been on a job site prior to the week I've been on this one. I'm not really savvy with anything handyman-ish, and I definitely under appreciated the weight of the wood on my cart. I've used a pump cart before, but for some reason I thought this one defied the laws of gravity. So I had probably close to two hundred pounds of wood on a pallet, and I didn't want it to go careening down the ramp and hurt someone potentially, so I thought I would go in front of it and ease it down the ramp. Bad thought.
The cart picked up momentum about a quarter of the way down the ramp and I knew it was going to take me with it, so I jumped out of the way. But unfortunately for me, I knocked the steering apparatus while jumping out of the way and the cart turned right toward me. The only place my foot had to go, was right into the concrete on the other side. I think I piece of metal from the cart is what punctured my foot.
Thankfully, only muscle damage. No tendon damage, no broken bones, and didn't tear the artery near my ankle.
TLDR: Wasn't thinking, got my foot pinned between a few hundred pounds of wood and concrete.
Here's a picture: http://imgur.com/bde7fBt (GORE AND CARNAGE)
chimera: Oh dear god. I need to get this RES thing fixed, it won't stop automatically opening up pics in self-posts. Heal up soon though.
Also, I do believe you meant pallet. Palate is your mouth or sense of taste.
Ozzy720: Ah yes, you are right, I did use the wrong spelling. Thanks.
| 3 | 6 | |
1372120127 | 1372145278 | null | t5_2to41 | 75 | Fat_Head: TIFU by accidentally calling my boss's husband her father, and a pedophile.
So I work as a Level 1 IT help desk/computer repairs technician for a small company. My boss is a woman in her early 40's, and she was having router troubles at home. No problem, I can stop over on my way home, fix her router up in 10 minutes and earn some brownie points.
I arrive at the house, ring the doorbell, and wait. Keep in mind, this is an expensive house in the rich part of town. These are the sort of people who have more money than I'll ever earn and are extremely proud of it. Typical rich bastards, but having them on your side comes in handy more often than not.
20 seconds later an old man answers the door. He looks about 65.
Me: "Oh hi, you must be Carol's... dad?" <- MISTAKE #1 WHAT A MORON
Him: "Husband."
His face looked like I just ripped a massive fart an inch from his nose. He must have been wondering who the hell I was.
Me: "Oh, umm... well. You look a lot older than Carol." <- Can I get any dumber?
Him: "Can I help you boy?"
I then explain to him why I'm there, and he lets me in. I get to work on the router, when my friend calls my cell and wants to talk. I start chatting away, assuming the husband is still in the kitchen, when I say: "Yeah I'm just at my boss's house fixing the internet for her pedophile husband."
Pedophile husband walks in.
Him: "Excuse me?"
I immediately go bright red and hang up on my friend.
Me: "Oh um, the internet's fixed, let me know if you have any more issues, thanks!"
And I practically sprint out the door.
TL;DR I'm really samrt
inquisitor1323: the irony in your tl;dr
irGoodman: whoosh
Fat_Head: Well at least his post is ironic, intentional or otherwise.
| 4 | 18.75 | |
1372131909 | 1372144855 | null | t5_2to41 | 3 | airmasszero: coffee spilled on a coworker
I went to get coffee at work at the cafeteria, was walking back out of the cafeteria into the connecting hallway... some guy in a group of three wasn't looking as he was walking (was half turned to someone in the group) and I went around, he didn't see me and kept walking. his foot hit mine, he was caught off guard, he spilled coffee on his shirt. he was so shocked. i turned around and apologized, not really knowing what to say... for some reason i don't feel bad b/c i don't think people should be walking without looking down the hallways
:\
HydrofoilGoat: That's his fuckup not yours
airmasszero: well still felt stupid, he kinda gave me a look like 'wtf man'
| 3 | 1 | |
1372135895 | 1372138414 | null | t5_2to41 | 30 | ifuckwiththejesus: TIFU by having a good time.
I went out to a show and had a blast, too much of a blast. This morning (I think) I made my way home with a friend. We walked the two miles here, and got lost along the way. We were both extremely intoxicated. Somewhere in the two mile trip I lost my phone. The one means of communication I actually own. I moved to a city recently and am still looking for work and I don't really know anyone here. It has my entire life inside of it, not to mention some photos that I would rather not be seen by anyone I didn't choose. It was fun while it lasted, but now I am paying for it dearly.
blueche: If you have not called the phone, CALL THE PHONE. No guarantees, but if someone finds it and they are a good person, they will want to return it to you.
ifuckwiththejesus: I called. I have been calling all day. I have talked to the phone company. I have posted ads everywhere I can think of offering a reward. I have used familywatch through t-mobile to try to locate it. The battery died hours ago. I have kissed it goodbye, I still have a glimmer of hope left, but as I have learned from watching too much crime TV it's all about the first 24.
blueche: Yeah, it's probably gone. If you had a data plan, then your contacts are probably retrievable.
| 4 | 7.5 | |
1372146531 | 1372216480 | null | t5_2to41 | 608 | wafflebuster: TIFU by leaving the sound on.
So I heard that one of the girls from Teen Mom had made a porn, and being hoke alone, I thought why not. I usually watch that stuff on my Kindle Fire, and since the thing has pretty bad speakers I usually turn the sound up. So I gave it a quick fap and turned my kindle off. Fast forward to 3 in the morning, I get in bed and decide to check my facebook on my Kindle before I call it a night. I turn the thing on, only to have "OHH! FUCK THAT PUSSY BABY! FUCK THAT PUSSY! OH!"blasted through my fucking apartment. I got startled, and yelled "OH SHIT" before dropping the thing as the orgasmic moans keep playing on full playing on full blast. Did I mention my parents werr asleep? Well, not anymore. They awoke to the sound of their son's porn. My mom walked into my room with the most horrified look on her face, stared me dead in the eye, then left back to bed.
Oh boy, it's gonna be a fun family breakfast tomorrow.
EDIT: So we had breakfast today. Nobody talked, or even looked at each other's faces. I ate 4 pancakes in like 2 minutes and ran the fuck out of there. I don't plan on leaving my room today.
norelevantcomments: Pretend like it never happened. Don't mention it, don't change anything, don't look awkward. It didn't happen. Good luck.
dannyboy1238: ay yo bitch, get back to /r/teenagers
norelevantcomments: Fuck you Dannielle
dannyboy1238: fite me irl hoe
norelevantcomments: U wot m8? At least I don't send dick pics
dannyboy1238: i dont either lol, you're the one that said you "have a lot of experience with dicks"
norelevantcomments: "Have a lot of experience sending dick pics"*
| 8 | 76 | |
1372122857 | 1372225102 | null | t5_2to41 | 17 | [deleted]: TIFU by not keeping track of time.
So anyways I have class at 8 which is Microbiology, I set my alarm up at 5:30 last night but keep snoozing it till it was about 6:30. The teacher said she was giving a quiz today so I naturally wanted to study. My friend messages me on facebook "Your class is at 9 right?'' I quickly replied no as it is at 8 and then I look at the clock and it was 8:05.
I quickly take a shower and get dressed and got there at 8:40. The professor wouldn't let me in the class and now I missed a quiz, a lecture and attendance. fuck
about_tyme: If something like that happens again, I highly recommend skipping the shower.
TNTriathlete: I agree. That's when you take a college shower--deodorant and a baseball hat.
Sonic5039: Ice-soap instead?
| 4 | 4.25 | |
1372156324 | 1372259346 | null | t5_2to41 | 15 | [deleted]: TFIU by not reading the obvious signs to get with my hot friend.
So I decided to post this because of a few people responding to a [comment](http://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/1gykrp/tifu_by_not_responding_to_30mins_of_flirting/capge98) I made in another thread.
This actually happened about 6 months ago, but around Christmas my hot friend (whom I have wanted to get with for a while but failed because of the friendzone) was in town from college visiting family and friends. Her and I ended up getting together and going out to dinner to catch up. (Note, I had started a new job and moved from a night shift to a morning shift, and being the night owl I am my sleep schedule was pretty fucked up and I was really damn tired.) During the entire time I was with her she was dropping (what is now very obvious) hints. Stuff like how women are obligated to put out if their meal is paid for, constantly talking about making out etc. and on top of it all I even had several opportunities to make a move (had to turn around in a dark, empty parking lot, even sat in her driveway for about 30 minutes talking,). She even was literally on top of me at one point trying to grab something. The entire time I was with her I wanted to make a move, but being as bad with women as I am and not wanting to make things awkward between us, I didn't do anything. I ended up saying good bye and she went inside and I went home to get some sleep before work. A little later I was texting her and she ended up telling me that she would not have stopped any attempted move and went on about how horny she was and how she even had a wet dream about me. The next day she got a boyfriend.
TL;DR Misread obvious signs a hot friend gave me because I was too oblivious.
UC18: I feel your pain, man. Now wait till she gets dumped. Or stalk her.Or kill her "boyfriend". Hold him under water till that motherfucker drowns. Kill dat DJ
rgheite: That's a little......extreme, don't you think?
UC18: Green day reference, 'ghetite
rgheite: Ahhh. I missed that. *'gheite
| 5 | 3 | |
1372162821 | 1372192413 | null | t5_2to41 | 87 | [deleted]: TIFU by popping a blister
This did not actually happen today, but I was reminded of it by [this post] (http://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/1gy9s9/tifu_by_trying_to_improve_my_health/). It happened about a year ago, and I don't exactly have the best memory, so I'm going to piece together all of the little snippets that I remember.
Anyways, I was riding on the back of my stepdad's motorcycle, going to my sister's soccer game. We parked in the parking lot, and both of us got off. His egression was normal, mine........... wasn't. Somehow, I managed to lean the outside of my right ankle right on the fucking exhaust pipe. Those things hurt like hell when they're hot. I nearly fell down trying to jump away from the bike. There was a black mark from the place where I burned it.
Fast-forward about 5 hours. It's night time, and me and my stepdad are working on the camper. By now, the burn has swelled up into a giant blister. Sadly, my 12-year old mind processes this as an annoyance. I think, "Hey, I should pick this blister! It's going to pop overnight or something anyways." So, right then and there, I popped the fucker. Outside. It hurts a little, like any blister would, but I'm fine, and I go back to work. I go inside, put a Band-Aid on it, and go to sleep.
The next day. It is time to tear off the band-aid. Luckily, it comes off naturally, but what is under it concerns me. There was this bloody, half-finished skin crap that was covering the edges of my blister. I just put another band-aid on it (Which comes off by the end of the day) and go about my day.
The day after, I wake up. It was a normal day. I get out of my bed an- owwwwwwWWWW SHIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!!! The second I stood up it felt as if I were standing on a fractured bone that was ripping my muscles and skin. An endless stream of FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK was going through my head. I had never experienced pain like this. It seemed that Satan was cooking my ankle from inside out. I fell into my bed, clutching my ankle. My mom came right away. My ankle was a yellow-greenish color. "Oh shit," I thought. "I think I'm infected." My mom decided to get me to a doctor. They didn't know what it was at first sight, so they swabbed the blister and put the stuff in a petri dish. They wouldn't be able to tell what it was for a couple of days.
For those 2 days, I struggled to deal with the pain. The infection was spreading up my leg. I had a temperature of 106 degrees Fahrenheit. It hurt like hell. Picking at it made it worse (Another stupid decision from your friendly neighborhood 12-year old brain). I couldn't play games for some reason. Medicine didn't help. Not only that, but if the infection spread up to my chest, I could easily die.
Eventually, the doctor's office opened, and I hobbled over there with my mom. They told me that yes, I was infected, and, yes they had a cure for whatever infection I had. The infection was literally rotting my ankle from the popped blister, so I needed to stop it fast. I was supposed to wrap my ankle in gauze, and dip it in a mixture of antibiotics every day. The unfinished skin stuff (The stuff that was causing my ankle to rot) would come off with the gauze.
4 days of this made my ankle better. However, I still have a scar from it. I hate exhaust pipes.
**TL;DR: I popped a blister, which would somehow cause my ankle to rot and an infection to spread up my leg, which could kill me.**
Edit: Formatting, and updated story
Kayleanetta: Why didn't your mother take you to the hospital? Surely that would have been better than wait two whole days?
Bloedman: Might be an American. The hospital would charge many thousands of dollars. A clinic visit is probably only a few hundred.
TrentGoToBed: Bingo
[deleted]: Exactly. I think my mom was considering taking me to the hospital, but maybe we didn't have enough money. Either that or she "Didn't think it was serious."
TrentGoToBed: Concussion when I was 13. Lost memory for 2 weeks. Waited two days for clinic to open and just rested for those weeks... Because the hospital not 3 blocks away would have made us bankrupt
| 6 | 14.5 | |
1372164890 | 1372167247 | null | t5_2to41 | 5 | Patron_Saint: TIFU by making oatmeal without pants on.
Woke up and began my normal morning routine. Sleep nude so much of this routine is done that way. Put oatmeal and a sliced banana in a bowl, and begin to pour the bowling water.
Somehow the stream perfectly hit a banana and splashed onto my... thigh.
So glad it missed the ol' twig and berries.
Got part of my hand too. After much cursing and running of cold water, waiting to see if its any worse then the worst way to wake up ever.
morster: Nah. Some guy here peed in his girlfriend's mouth as she attempted to wake him with oral sex.
joe1928tampa: I remember that one, poor girl, just trying to give him a fresh start!
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1372161962 | 1372264193 | null | t5_2to41 | 143 | covalentbond: TIFU by swimming.
This didn't happen today, but last Saturday.
No throwaway because I have no shame.
So I was on vacation with my family in Bali, island of the gods (and beaches). The sea was sparklingly pretty and I couldn't resist just taking a dip — or more than a dip — in the azure (not really azure) water.
Well, the downside was, I was on my period! Before the trip I'd already googled and searched Reddit for swimming while on my period. I was too lazy to go to a mart to get tampons, and I've never even used them before.
Apparently the water pressure also prevents blood flow from the vagina or something, so I just went into the ocean in beach shorts and a shirt, not forgetting a pad for the bloody day.
After swimming, I went to the shower to get rid of the sand stuck on me.
The public showers were situated at each end of the resort's swimming pool. There were musicians playing the angklung (it's an Indonesian instrument) in between the two showers, and right in front of them were two teenage boys playing football.
My grandmother decided to go to the public shower on the other side, seeing as it was free and the one we were currently at was cluttered. I ran as I followed her.
This is when the fuck-up happens. Heavy from being soaked from the seawater, the pad I was wearing managed to fall out of my underwear, right in front of the Angklung musicians and in between the two guys playing football. There was a loud sound, a hybrid of splat/squish/fuck my life/what is this shit, as the pad hit the ground.
But hey, on the bright side, the pad wasn't bloody.
**TLDR: Pad slips out of my underwear in full view of Angklung musicians and teenage boys.**
kyd_wykkyd: Generally, if you want to exercise or swim, tampons are better for those activities than a pad. When you buy tampons, the box comes with instructions if you are unsure of how to use them.
[deleted]: I've never used them before and neither has my mom. There weren't any marts relatively nearby either. But I'll take note of that :)
thischangeseverythin: how old are you that you've never used one? not to creep im just curious, don't have to answer i guess, if your not comfortable with doing so.
Also are you american? It seems to me that people of other cultures dont take to them like americans..
MistressLiliana: Honestly, I am an American, I am 36, and I have never used them either. I blame health class using toxic shock syndrome to scare the Hell out of me.
thischangeseverythin: really? 36? Im a guy, from my perspective, I feel it would just be more comfortable to use one over a pad. My girlfriend thinks pads feel like diapers lol
xank79: Stick a hard piece of cotton in your ass and then talk about how comfortable it is.
thischangeseverythin: Did you just compare pink to brown?
| 8 | 17.875 | |
1372173636 | 1372179522 | null | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU by showing a girl a photo saved from reddit
I saved the picture from /r/funny about the Australian air force and their engineering phone number. I was showing it to her because she is going into engineering. In my phone, if she scrolled left she would have saw a picture of my penis i had taken for a female friend the night before i had forgotten to delete... I think she may have saw it...
TL;DR: really matters, no sex.
Zooey-Glass: lol a dick pic? really op.
really.
Uselesssecrets: Yes really. I was all like " hey" and she was all " show me your dick" and i was like " whatever you'll be seeing it when you get back from your trip" and she was like " show me now you bastard"
I may or may not have reworded that conversation a bit
| 3 | 1 | |
1372171635 | 1372206617 | null | t5_2to41 | 4 | thats-so-neat: TIFU by eating a diet of all red meat
Well, yesterday I ate a diet of all red meat. Right now I'm violently diarrhea-ing my diet of all red meat.
idefiler6: I eat 2lbs of red meat daily and powerlift 6 days a week. Not having this issue. Buying your meat at wal mart or something?
eternalflowers: DO YOU EVEN LIFT BRO?
idefiler6: I DO NOT EVEN LIFT+
| 4 | 1 | |
1372182393 | 1372339474 | null | t5_2to41 | 2,523 | LowBlowBobLawblaw: TIFU by streaming boobs to my dad's 51" TV for my entire family to see.
(Happened last night, but bear with me.)
_____________________________________
So. Be me, an 18 year old guy.
I get home after going on a hike with the girlfriend.
Siblings on summer vacation too, parents home from work, grandma in town to visit, all hanging out in the living room.
Family is playing charades, I am too tired, I observe.
Get bored. Go on reddit on mobile.
Reading through comments. [It's a pretty innocent thread](http://redd.it/1gzyap), no biggie.
One of the comments mentions a YouTube video. A sexy YouTube video. A sexy YouTube video with *boobs.*
>[*This video.*](http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=_6VlIHqzEco#t=85s)
Be a horny kid. One who enjoys boobs.
Click link.
Nice boobs.
>>(Now, my dad recently got a new TV. A big TV. A smart TV. [This TV.](http://www.samsung.com/us/video/tvs/PN51F5500AFXZA))
>>And I don't even watch TV or play video games, but this thing is the tits, I swear it has technology stolen straight off the fucking *U.S.S. Enterprise.*
>>One such technology is the ability to connect the YouTube app in my smartphone with the YouTube app in the TV to stream videos from my device to the TV.
>>When I discovered this feature a month ago, I was so impressed that I set that shit up *pronto,* used it once or twice, then immediately forgot about it.
>>But using the feature is easy! Too easy. Like all I have to do is tap This little guy right here: [http://imgur.com/fUckmE](http://i.imgur.com/fRtBwfB.png), and even if the TV is in the deepest of slumbers, it will wake right the fuck up and immediately play your current video in 51 diagonal inches of 1080p glory, accompanied by Dolby digital 5.1 surround sound.
>>Well guess what I did.
Brush streaming button by accident while trying to remove dust from screen.
My screen goes dark. TV screen lights up.
>ohfuckno.jpg
Now 2,073,600 pixels of [this lovely image](http://i.imgur.com/U5s8bW7.png) appear on the wall of my living room.
The game of charades screeches to a halt as my family's heads turn, I join the game as a gazelle leaping across the room to find the remote to shut this bitch down.
>wherethefuckisit.mov
Fifteen seconds of awesome tits dripping with shame pass until I finally manage to turn the TV off, attempt an explanation/apology, and scuttle the fuck out of there with my tail tucked between my legs.
I haven't left my room yet today.
I am hungry.
Cerikal: Not so bad OP. At least you didn't almost lose your job streaming porn. When i was working at a electronics store that will remain nameless one of the sales guys was showing some older guy how he could use his phone to stream things on the tv. The older guy was rich as hell and but stingy as fuck. So he presses the button to stream and it pulls up the stuff he hadn't yet exited out of from his lunch break. A redtube video. The whole store heard it and everyone over there saw it. The only reason he didn't lose his job is because he sold a 55' tv and surround system to that guy and a tv to 3 other guys who saw.
Now stop hiding and get some food.
disenchanted_youth: I almost lost my job when I told my boss "hey check out this awesome video" and typed in 'outube.com' instead of 'youtube.com' (typo). At the time, outube.com directed you to a porn site.
It was a good 5 seconds of awkwardness before I started blabbering apologies and explaining myself. My boss wasn't pleased and I still think he didn't believe me completely.
Cerikal: Bad mistake. I learned never to go to nonwork websites when at work awhile ago. One of my coworkers at my old job got fired when IT reported him for going to a blog that sometimes posted NSFW pictures and videos. He was using it as a reference for a report the boss wanted him to analyze. Still got fired. Not worth it.
disenchanted_youth: Ironically, I'm typing this out at work but I agree with you. I got a lot of flak for when I was playing a song on spotify and the album art was nsfw.... Gotta be careful at work.
Cerikal: I listened to music at work once upon a time too. Then my headphone jack came out and Fuck the Police was blasting in the office. Never again. So glad i work from home now.
disenchanted_youth: Still better than Katy Perry (I confess)
Cerikal: Lol. At least NWA gives you street cred. Kay Perry gets you free cotton candy.
Fappomatic_automaton: I would trade in street cred for cotton candy...
Cerikal: Street cred means you get all the cotton candy you want and you don't have to pay. Why? Because street cred, that's why.
ThatGuyPie: Lol
| 11 | 229.363636 | |
1372173355 | 1372189165 | null | t5_2to41 | 47 | cavepainted: TIFU by giving out the wrong prescriptions.
I applied at the grocery store for the bakery department. I love making cakes and all that shit. But there wasn't an opening, and they needed a janitor. No problem, says I. I cleaned some messes at the pet store in my teens, and there was a Do-It-Yourself Dog Wash in the back. Nightmarish at times, customers should never be trusted with company shampoo and towels.
Anyway, I am interviewed for the sanitation position. It went off without a hitch-I was witty, charming, honest about my work ethics and I know a little about motorcycles from working the backroom of an apparel, helmet and parts store. The manager loved me, and I know I'm fairly good with customers, with stories to match. After we shake hands and I leave, not fifteen minutes later, HR is calling me, and says they don't want to give me the janitor's job. They felt I was too good with people to waste my talents scrubbing shit. I've never been praised like this. Ever! And to top it off, there's an opening in the pharmacy, and it pays a whole dollar more!
Hot shit. My husband has been a pharmacy tech for three years! He can help me, he'll know exactly the problems I'll run into in this setting. I took the offer without hesitation. I was thrown into computer training immediately, learning the ins and outs of HIPAA and OBRA and all that. Then I was allowed to shadow the regional trainer.
Marlene.
She started her introduction with a detailed history of her life in the Catholic church. As a staunch, tolerant atheist, I smiled where I was supposed to and quietly let her spew her superiour diarrhea. Her episode finished, I was allowed to tell her a little about my interests: I draw, I like to read- Aaaand that's enough. Time to start training.
I watched her for a few days, and then she left me to my own devices, and the helpful interventions from the other techs, pharmacists and interns. She would be back in a month, and hoped I'd learned enough. I was proficient with the Pick Up station, able to find the prescriptions in question; I could fill the prescriptions well, but I was still fuzzy on liquid measurements and conversions, but I was told those would come with time; I was also able to do rudimentary data entry, like completing e-faxes and phoned-in prescriptions, and switch billing information. The pharmacy manager himself applauded me on picking up the work faster than almost anyone else he hired, making Marlene's confidence in her training approach even stronger. What a bitch.
At the end of month two, I was better than ever, able to enter, fill and sell almost any prescription, even if I wasn't yet familiar with all the brands, generics for those brands and their functions and interactions. I was learning, though, and fast.
And yet, in the middle of month three, I fucked up.
I fucked up big time.
A gentleman came in with two refills for his wife. I told him we would have them ready by four.
Another gentleman, this one bearing a bag destined for the laundry service desk, had two prescriptions for himself. I gladly told him to come back at four o'clock.
At four o'clock, a gentleman approaches the counter and mimes two.
I pick up two refills for his wife. As a safety measure, patients must give us the date of birth in order for us to sell the prescriptions. I asked, he replied, I typed, and the date was rejected. I asked again, he replied, I typed, typed again and tried a few more times for good luck. But no luck. So, I did the natural thing: I looked at the profile for the refills, and saw the dates were very similar, and I assumed he was like all the other patients who couldn't remember their wife's birthday. Smiling, I punched in the correct date, collected payment and sent him on his way.
Our rotation schedule dictated I go back to filling, and another girl hops into the pick up station. As I turn, she tugs my sleeve and asks, "Where are the two refills for the wife?"
Oh dear. My face burned. I was ready to shit my pants. It was too late! Another tech noticed my distress and calmed me down. I told him I sold the wrong prescription, and I looked up the birthday to do it. He paled, and took a moment before he told me to run and try to catch the other gentleman. I ran. The parking lot held no help, and he was not in the front aisles. The laundry! Of course! I went to the front desk, and inquired about the man who just left a big bag of laundry. She was able to give me a last name, and at once, I recognized it, and wished I had put the name to the face earlier.
Back at the pharmacy, we found his profile, called him, and he revealed he was just about to call us about giving him the wrong medicines! Thanking goodness that he hadn't taken them, and been smart and looked at the bag and bottles before taking them. He brought them back, and he received the correct ones.
Now came the consequences. We are never, ever ever EVER supposed to look up a birthday. If they don't know it, and can't call, from our phones, someone who does, they don't get the prescription. I'm not sure if Marlene made this point. There was a lot she glossed over, and this seems important. Do I just not remember it, or did I actively block it, or did she not impart this wisdom to me? I'll never know, and for my transgression, I was fired from the job that fell into my lap.
I knew I liked it too much for it to last...
KixStar: Where do you live? If you're in the US, most States require pharmacy technicians to be certified.
cavepainted: PA does not require it, but maybe they should. :/
KixStar: While this wasn't a case that a certification would necessarily thwart, the classes and process of certification can open your eyes to the seriousness of following protocol like this.
Sucks to lose a job over a mistake though.
| 4 | 11.75 | |
1372133709 | 1372207303 | null | t5_2to41 | 9 | VinnieWilson02: TIFU by pissing away my chances
Well reddit thought you could use a laugh at my stupidity for the last few days, there is a girl I really like and care for we shall call her Nikki since she is a Redditor also, but I shall take you from the start of my fucks up with Nikki, she asked me to describe my perfect girl so I described the complete opposite of her (I did not like her at this point in time), so she holds that one against me for the rest of the time we have known each other. The next fuck up was slight I told her to loose weight because I am an inconsiderate asshole, but she eventually forgave me for this one (I think). So time moves on we become closer, and now I joined the Navy, and she is all sorts of pissed off, at the fact of I am leaving her, as she fell for me a little by little; but then I get her flowers on a day she is visiting her boyfriend so once again my hope to make things better ends up in the trash. Finally we come to today were we don't talk quiet as much as we used to, and when we do talk, my stupid ass brings of a topic and vents to her about a half naked women roaming my house, needless to say Nikki is extremely pissed at me and wants nothing to do with me, I think I completely fucked my chances up, and after I post this if she reads it, that will be a fuck up but hell I've already dug and and laying in my grave so what can I loose right?
tl;dr: Throughout the whole time I have been trying to win the heart of a girl I care deeply about, every time I get close I fuck up.
BadgerGecko: Luckily for you this is getting buried, looks like someone might be looking out for you.
Not me I upvoted, I want her to find this, I want an update!!!
VinnieWilson02: If she found this I would give an update lol hell after my next stupid action I will
| 3 | 3 | |
1372191590 | 1372192727 | null | t5_2to41 | 14 | emersonlennon: TIFU by trying to be healthier
I haven't been living too healthy after loosing my job. After being tired of feeling crappy, I stopped drinking anything but water, this resulted in caffeine withdrawals. After a few weeks of still feeling crappy I decided to take a multivitamin today on an empty stomach. I, of course, forgot how much caffeine is in them. Now I'm all jittery and shaky. I have my concealed carry class shortly, Sure hope I'm not expected to shoot straight much less accurately.
TacticalBurrito: Mutivitamins don't have caffeine in them. Or at least, they tend not to; caffeine can screw up vitamin absorption.
All that jitteryness and shakiness is likely just from taking it on an empty stomach. Next time, get some breakfast in you first; should go a lot easier.
emersonlennon: it's a GNC men's "sport" has some energy supplement that it list as 180mg caffeine.
TacticalBurrito: Ah, yeah, that would do it. I was thinking of just, like, regular ol' vitamins.
| 4 | 3.5 | |
1372193585 | 1372436139 | null | t5_2to41 | 13 | DaPinkRunna: TIFU by asking my bestfriend out
Me being bored in my current relationship with some girl who lives in Manchester, i broke up with her by sending her an email (a pretty harsh one too!!) . I was really attracted to my best friend (im a guy and shes a she). So i think about playing it cool, bombard past all her friends while listening to Nero in my earphones and as the bass dropped i grabbed her by her sholdures and shook her saying "would you go out with me?" Possibly one of the greatest fuck ups of my life. I soon realised what a lonely bastard i was without my ex and as bitchy as karma gets, i got rejected. Man i sat there sobbing for hours. My ex seemed pretty pissed but i looked at her Kik profile and she was dating some guy called "George"- who the fucks George?! So i ended up getting triple friendzoned by A) being friends with her for years B) being rejected and C) receving a Kik message saying "i like you more than a friend but don't want to ruin our friendship". I'm no expert but i'd say im pretty much screwed in THAT one.
response_unrelated: Take these words of advice. I've been there, seen it happen, and heard it happen to others. Just leave her behind. You won't regret it, and your life will be much better off.
DaPinkRunna: Today she hugged me and said I'm like her gay best friend even though I'm straight ? Well she waved me goodbye today and I've been doing some pretty good things in school to get some karma and maybe date her.. God I'm losing my damn mind these days..
response_unrelated: Don't be afraid to tell her how it is. What's the worst that can happen? You lose a friend who isn't really a friend due to the way she is treating you and handling the situation.
DaPinkRunna: Thanks for the advice but I'm hung over her I can't get over her :(
response_unrelated: If that's the case, which I completely understand, lay it on the line and explain to her that friendship clearly isnt what you're looking for with her.
DaPinkRunna: And what REALLY pisses me off is the fact I've done so many good things and I just want ONE shot with her tbh
response_unrelated: I know that feel. You'll find someone who can appreciate your qualities. Shoot me a message anytime you wanna talk about it.
DaPinkRunna: Thanks it really helps. I've been having such a rough day.. Im not being an idiot but how do you send PM's to people? I have never done this an i have only been on Reddit for 2-3 months so yeah sorry though :) :)
| 9 | 1.444444 | |
1372195537 | 1372197459 | null | t5_2to41 | 41 | partypics: TIFU by going to a funeral instead of a wedding
So my finance's mother died today and I'm a wedding photographer. I had to replace myself with another photographer for this weekend's wedding (we are a large company so we can easily replace myself with another equally skilled photographer). I called the client to let her know and she said "I don't give a fuck who died!" and hung up on me.
Did I do something wrong or right by supporting my fiancé?
kThanks: It's not as if you left them high and dry. If you are confident in your replacement, they should be, too. Moreover, you're entitled to take care of your personal emergencies. The client in question doesn't seem to be the most reasonable person.
You made the right choice.
partypics: Thanks I really appreciate the feedback. I'm torn up over the death (I was close to her as well) and now I have this client who hates me. In my wildest dreams I couldn't imagine telling someone what she told me. So heartless.
Nosfvel: Yeah, your client is being very unreasonable. Her wedding isn't more important than a person close to you passing away.
| 4 | 10.25 | |
1372200051 | 1372201811 | null | t5_2to41 | 12 | en_rose: TIFU by calling a girl I fell for on her wedding night
Totally by mistake. Earlier in the day, I deleted her from my contacts. Later, drunk, about 10pm, I realized I still have her in my recent facetime calls. I go to delete, instead I make a call. Press home to stop it, that doesn't stop it. Finally hang up, and I feel so disgusted with myself that I puke. Clean up, then I shoot her an email saying it was an honest mistake, and hoping that her wedding was nice. God damnit I'm so fucking stupid. On the upside, at least now I am really not looking forward to hearing from/seeing her again.
swordfishtrombonez: Does she know that you like her?
At 10pm, she might have still been at the reception.. Either way, I don't think she would have her phone on.
en_rose: Pretty sure she liked me, a lot. And no, I did not hide my feelings. What I did do was control my actions, hard as that was. I really hope she was still partying and did not have her phone. Haven't heard shit from her since.
| 3 | 4 | |
1372201306 | 1372366135 | null | t5_2to41 | 34 | Tramm: TIFU Got kicked out of Carlsbad Caverns
A friend of mine and I are on a work trip in West Texas and we decided to go to Carlsbad Caverns. Woke up early, arrived in New Mexico, paid $20 entered the caverns (before entering the caverns we had drank quite a bit) maybe 1/3 of the way down, we see a cave off the trail. And decided to go under the railing and climb down.. about 10 seconds later, a guide walked around the corner and escorted us out.
NTesla: Today I was working in Carlsbad Caverns on my normal Tuesday shift when these two guys saw a cave and decided to go off the trail. Normally that wouldn't be too much of an issue because there just aren't that many places to wander off into, but this cave was 'special'.
We had a 51" TV in there with a 40-year porn collection. Have you ever watched porn in *total darkness*?? There's nothing else like it, believe *me*.
Anyway, I got to them just in time. They couldn't have been there longer than ten minutes. One of them was standing dangerously close to the activation-stalagmite, but I was able to escort them out of the cavern complex just in time.
I think I'm going to have to move deeper underground.
Apeman92: I like how this has more upvotes then the post itself
| 3 | 11.333333 | |
1372195903 | 1372219896 | null | t5_2to41 | 38 | trwy641: TIFU by losing my husband's birthday card from his mother
My mother-in-law sent my husband a birthday card early so I thought I'd hide it in a safe place till the big day.
Unfortunately, this place was so safe that now I can't remember where it is and several hours of searching have failed to unearth it.
And there was a gift card in it.
UPDATE: Still missing.
UPDATE2: Still missing. Have fessed up and promised to buy him anything he wants from Amazon as long as he never ever tells his mother what I did. He laughed.
LonelyFrenchFry: "Honey! I hid your card someplace safe! I bet you can't find it!" might work. If he gives up well "you obviously don't love your mother!" and storm off.
AlexDeVol: OP being a woman, makes this strategy viable.
| 3 | 12.666667 | |
1372203801 | 1372212120 | null | t5_2to41 | 21 | [deleted]: TIFU by putting a white cardigan into the clothes hamper
I've had it a week and now the whole right side has makeup all over it from a towel thrown in the hamper.
I got caught in a bad storm yesterday and just threw all my wet clothes (cardigan included) into the hamper. 15 minutes of scrubbing Shout into the stain and I hope that's enough to get it out. I don't have a lot of money and that cardigan was Express.
Obviously, this doesn't compare to most posts but I'm pretty sad because it was new. :'(
yosoymilk5: I always had luck with Oxyclean spray. Also, googling a few cleaning methods wouldn't hurt. Always put your faith in the internet. God speed.
hybridrainbow: The Shout actually did the trick (mostly) It's a little grey but, I doubt anyone would notice unless I pointed it out.
Edit: I (pseudo) fixed it?
| 3 | 7 | |
1372212163 | 1372258547 | null | t5_2to41 | 509 | Flamethrow-away: TIFU by farting a fireball at my dead grandmother; ruined my skirt
So my mom got a candle from the flea market the other night, and it REEKS. It’s some kind of pomegranate-mint shit, I don’t know. But she loves it.
This morning, I was watching TV when I felt a mighty need to toot. I thought to myself, “That candle smells so nasty. I’m gonna fart on it to make it smell better.” So I bent down in front of the candle and, to put it daintily, ripped ass. I should have seen it coming, but to my shock, a bright flash ignited behind me.
I turn around. My popsicle-stick framed photo of my late grandma is on fire! I threw it on the ground, but was afraid to stomp it out because I was barefoot. Then things got worse. The back of my skirt was on fire, too! I jumped out of it and ran to the kitchen for some water. We didn’t have any cups big enough to put it out, so I grabbed a gallon of milk. Let me tell you, bootleg Invader Zim skirts from the flea market burn like gasoline-soaked tissue. I put it out just in time for my mom to find me, in my pantsu, dumping milk on a picture of her dead mother.
Now my mom is pissed, my favorite skirt is ruined, and my parents’ house reeks of burning and milk. And that candle. And farts. :(
flythetardis: If your fart ball was blue, you can join the Royal Order Of The Blue Flame. Apparently only 10% of the population farts the methane required to make a blue flame.
PooPooDooDoo: Challenge Accepted.
elhooper: Be careful man, he said "fart"
| 4 | 127.25 | |
1372218719 | 1372295297 | null | t5_2to41 | 157 | zugtug: TIFU by using the wrong towel.
I was working out today at my parents house before work as they have a gym in their basement along with a shower and a laundry room. It was about 90 degrees out so I got a little sweaty and didn't want to go to work all nasty. I see a towel on the floor in the laundry room and grab it and wipe off my face and start to wipe off my chest and a smell hits me. Any male will know that you cannot mistake this smell. I smelled semen. Now unless someone randomly came in to my parents house and just had their way with their laundry, my father was the culprit. I just finished wiping my face and chest with my own unborn siblings... There is not enough soap in the WORLD to wash off that shame...
barnacledoor: I can't smell semen. My friends always talk about the come trees in the area, but I have no idea because I can't smell them either.
zugtug: Bradford pears! I was trying to figure out what the smell was myself. Typed in jizz trees in Google and got a ton of results.
barnacledoor: How many were safe for work? :)
Sckele: None.
| 5 | 31.4 | |
1372218935 | 1372349095 | null | t5_2to41 | 62 | fuckedupbad: TIFU by missing my final exam because I misread the date and failed my entire course.
Misread the date for the 26th instead of the 25th and completely missed my entire exam and will now fail this subject because I just couldn't read the fucking date properly.
Lu_Ten: the exact thing happened to me. what class?
fuckedupbad: International Business, exam was worth like 30% of the course so I had already passed basically, but university policy is that they automatically fail you if you miss a final.
space_crime: That's a fucked up policy.
Hypertroph: No. It's a reasonable, and standard policy in a large number of universities. It sucks, yes, but it is hardly 'fucked up'.
| 5 | 12.4 | |
1372223797 | 1372285687 | null | t5_2to41 | 32 | finnsucksfinnpenis: TIFU by going over my phone internet allowance by 300%
I always use 3G on my phone because it's very slow when it connects to my Wi-Fi.
Unfortunately, after finding a new series on YouTube, I completely forgot that it was still on 3G, and after watching the entire series, I received a nasty bill telling me I had overpassed my internet allowance of 10GB by 300% (30GB). Not happy.
its10pm: Wow.. so i have to know now, how much did that cost you?
finnsucksfinnpenis: Surprisingly relatively nothing! (When you realize it was 30GB). $300 which may seem like much, but isn't when you compare it to how much I went over. Still have to pay though... :/
shortfermata: Try calling the company and disputing the charge with their loyalty department or something. Might not work, but hey, it's worth a shot.
Lukex: Fuck, it will work^^
| 5 | 6.4 | |
1372242954 | 1372276002 | null | t5_2to41 | 54 | [deleted]: TIFU by eating sugar-free salt water taffy.
Today I purchased the most delicious salt water taffy from Amazon. Me being weight conscious, I decided to get sugar free. I ingested a good 30 pieces over the course of a 2 hour period. I then decided that it would be nice to have REAL sugar. So, later in the day, I had a Zero bar and some willy wonky nerd ropes. About the time I swallowed the last nerd rope, I felt a deep awakening inside me. My lower abdomen began to swell with a rage id not felt before.
I attempted to rush to the bathroom, but it felt as though I had ingested stones., However, I made it to the bathroom and sat on the toilet. Minutes passed.
Suddenly, I felt like a balloon was being inflated inside me. I looked in the mirror and saw my bloated stomach. Then the "Wave of Death" came over me. I felt like I was going to die. I sat on the toilet at it all came loose. The demons freed themselves violently. Gas, Water, and undigested foods....
Tl;Dr: eating sugar free foods in excess has a laxative effect.
MrAmsterdammit: http://i.imgur.com/ycpvNQF.gif
[deleted]: I don't understand, did I violate Rule 4?
sellyberry: No, you simply made a reader of TIFU quit the reddits for the day with your lovely story of candy and shit.
| 4 | 13.5 | |
1372257338 | 1372292138 | null | t5_2to41 | 794 | [deleted]: TIFU by opening a box of dead puppies
We've got this really overgrown corner of the garden, its almost impenetrable with all the dead brush and tangled branches. Yesterday I decided to sort it out, got the hand shears for the smaller branches, secateurs for the main limbs and a hacksaw for anything larger.
An hour and a half later I've succeeded in removing all the dead material and clipping the disgusting spindly saplings down to their bases; I've pretty much cleared it down to bare earth, save for the roots and stumps. So, time to bring out Mr. Spade. Much stomping and hacking ensues until I've dug out two of the three main root systems that most of the bracken was stemming from, just the one big-ass daddy root left standing. He knew this day was coming and he'd prepared well, putting out two inch thick roots in all directions, practically holding onto the core of the earth itself.
It was an epic struggle, yielding a smorgasbord of swearing and rage before finally relinquishing its stranglehold on the surrounding soil and sending me tumbling to the ground. I threw the bastard in the garden waste bin with his little minion root friends, little did I know he wasn't done quite yet.
***
Surveying the remnants of the battlefield, I saw the narrow end of a cardboard box had been exposed beneath the surface. *My lucky day!* I thought, thinking I'd come across a time capsule, perhaps.
My curiosity piqued, I cleared the overburden of soil and mulch to uncover the top surface of the box, leaving the sides surrounded with soil as I didn't expect an old cardboard box to have sufficient structural integrity to support itself after who knows how long under the ground. We moved to this house almost twelve years ago now, so I can safely assume whatever is in this box is at least that old.
Slowly peeling off the lid, the damp cardboard struggling to stay in one piece, noxious stank bubbles its way deep inside my sinuses, hitting the back of my throat. Gagging, I release the lid, hoping to seal the permeating brutality of the stench inside, but to no avail. The unmistakable haze of death emanates from the box.
The problem now isn't the smell, its that I *have to know* what's in there. Steeling myself to the inevitable olfactory onslaught, I rip the lid clean off and peer inside...
***
And that, children, is how I found a box of six dead puppies and vomited over my neighbour's fence.
***
**EDIT** Okay, I've found out that they were our cat's kittens that were stillborn. I was told the vet disposed of them but apparently my sister wanted to bury them.
They're just under a year old. I was away hiking when the cat gave birth, sorry guys.
blorgensplor: I highly doubt there would be much of a smell after 12 years. I mean most roadkill won't even have a smell after a couple weeks.
Just saying.
c0ldsh0w3r: It was sealed underground. Not left rotting in the summer sun....just saying.
blorgensplor: Most sources agree that after about a year all that's left is some flesh and the bones. That's 1 year in a SEALED coffin.
This is a rotting cardboard box underground...you know, the place with bugs and moisture.
I mean it could be true. I wasn't there when he opened it up. I'm just stating that it's not very likely
HazardousTobacconist: I work at a cemetery and have had a vault break open when digging a hole directly next to it. It smells really fucking bad, even if the burial was 10 years ago.
blorgensplor: Opened a extremely tightly sealed (from the elements, rodents, insects, etc) vault that contains a body pumped full of chemicals to preserve it is a lot different than a moisture ridden cardboard box in direct dirt.
HazardousTobacconist: You're right, but you said the body is mostly decomposed by 1 year in a sealed casket. I was just simply saying the smell is still there.
| 7 | 113.428571 | |
1372257159 | 1372261640 | null | t5_2to41 | 28 | redman2532: TIFU by taking a drink into the shitter at a Milwaukee Brewers game.
I was tailgating at Miller Park to watch the Milwaukee Brewers game. I was with a group from a bar and we decided to finish our drinks outside the sausage house, a building with restrooms and catering hall, on the way into the stadium. I determined I needed to take a digger, so I went into one of the stalls in the Men's room. I put my full vodka and lemonade on the TP holder and proceeded to conduct my business. Some asshole decided to slam the door to the stall next to me and my full drink landed directly in my boxers and shorts, that were resting at my ankles. It looked like I unloaded a bladder full of beers in my shorts. Luckily, it was so damn hot they dried in 25 minutes.
TLDR- Full drink landed in my shorts and boxers while I was taking a shit.
fredinvisible: This is the second time I've seen the word 'tailgating' in a context that doesn't make sense to me. I can only conclude that it has a different meaning wherever you are. Could you explain it to me?
redman2532: Hangout before the game in the parking lot. Grilling, drinking, socializing... It is a great tradition here in Wisconsin. Here is the Wikipedia description: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tailgate_party
fotoTaker also had a good description.
nutsacrilege: Whenever I go to a Brewers game, I try to tailgate as long as possible so I don't have to actually go in a watch them "play" "baseball" (I use those terms loosely for this team). I managed to hold out to the 5th inning once. Needless to say, I don't remember much of the game. I'd wager to guess they lost.
redman2532: Sounds much better than 8 dollar Miller Lites
| 5 | 5.6 |
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