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1385406577 | 1385486678 | null | t5_2to41 | 53 | ANALCUNTHOLOCAUST: TIFU by thinking it would never happen to me.
I've spent so much time wondering how so many adults here have trouble not shitting their pants, and it just happened to me.
I'm sitting at my computer when I feel a feeling we're all aware of: The Need to Fart. I let it pass through my anus and it felt a little wet, but I just thought it was warm and burning since I ate an entire habanero pepper today. At the end of the fart, however, I felt a bubble come out of my rusty sheriff's badge and it soon became clear what just happened: I shit myself.
FlyAwayThrowaway: HOW DO YOU PEOPLE NOT REALISE SOMETHING WET IS ABOUT TO COME OUT AND ABORT BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE??
[deleted]: You can't abort what isn't meant to be aborted...
byakuyabankai: LOL this comment
| 4 | 13.25 | |
1385398985 | 1385416766 | null | t5_2to41 | 38 | bahamabananarama: TIFU by drunk sleepwalking
Throwaway because you'll see.
I was visiting my best friend for the first time in his new shared flat, because he had just moved to another town to study. The flat was designed, so that the doors to all the rooms joined in the small living room together with the doors to the kitchen an the bathroom.
I met his other flatmates and they were all really nice guys.
Of course my friend and I we got really, really drunk that night and decided to go home at about 3:30am, where i passed out on the living room couch. I woke up at about 4:30am standing in the room of one of the flatmates. It was then I noticed, that I had woken up to a loud "What the FUCK man?!?" by the flatmate who had jolted out of bed to the lightswitch, which revealed what I had done. I was standing next to his bed in my underwear and had just pissed all over his bedsidetable and the floor.
To make matters worse he had his girlfriend over and they had their NEW Iphones on said table.
At first I thought I was dreaming because I just couldn't comprehend how fucked I was but after a deep breath I noticed that,
unfortunately, I was awake.
I got some paper towels as fast as I could and tried to clean it up, but the flatmate ordered me to get out of his room before I did anymore damage and told me to go back on the couch.
The next morning I was still hoping it all just was a dream but the Iphones in rice proved me wrong. Words can not express how embaressed I was and am to this day I cringe everytime I think of it. I tried to apologize to them the next day, knowing that no words could compensate for that, and gave him some money to take his girlfriend out to dinner (luckily the Iphones weren't damaged otherwise I would have had to have paid a LOT more). I begged them not to spread the story around, not even to my friend (he didn't notice and just slept through the whole thing) although I didn't derserve it.
I get along fine with them now and they really haven't told anybody which I am incredibly grateful for, but my god do I cringe when I think of that night.
space_boobs: I know at least two people who have had this happen to them. One of them, he did it twice. Once he pissed all over his brother who was sleeping on the other couch. The other time, he pissed down the staircase of his wife's parent's house that they were looking after.
It happens, man. Just be aware of the possibility in the future... it seems to happen most when passed out in unfamiliar surroundings.
bahamabananarama: Yeah I am now watching my alcohol consumption a lot more when I sleep somewhere else. It has actually never happened to me before I have never sleepwalked or peed anywhere else but the toilet at home or at a strangers place no matter how drunk I was. I hope for your friends sake that his parents in law didn't have carpet on their thairs though :S
| 3 | 12.666667 | |
1385411212 | 1385575690 | null | t5_2to41 | 9 | manthemike12: TIFU By Not Submitting A Tuition Waiver
I enrolled in an online class with the intent of using my national guard tuition waiver to cover it. A few weeks in I decide this class isn't what I thought it would be and I dropped it. Weeks later I get a bill for the class and think no problem I'll submit my tuition waiver and it all will wash. No dice. I talked to the veterans person and she says Im going to need to pay out of pocket for it. $1250... Why can't the waiver be applied?? I have credits to use!
CioCZ: im assuming that you are talking about tuition assistance. if so, TA is when the government will pay the bill up to 4500 for you to enroll in class. you won't have to pay the government back as long as you graduate from the class. if you drop out of the class or fail for reasons aside from deployment or something similar, you will be required to pay the government back. the same rules apply for your GI bill.
on the positive side, you don't have to pay the money all at once, nor do you have the option to (if you had the money in your bank account). the government will take that money out of your paychecks that you get from the national guard. you can go on some government site (i forget and am too lazy to look) to adjust the rate at which the government takes the money out. if i remember correctly, the default is 50 dollars per paycheck.
edit: TA takes about 2 months to kick in.
source: reservist
manthemike12: Im still working it out with the University. It isn't TA. It's a state school that accept tution waiver for member of that states guard. The guard approved me for the credits so the money was set aside.
CioCZ: interesting, pretty cool how your school does that. best of luck to you
| 4 | 2.25 | |
1385424691 | 1385716178 | null | t5_2to41 | 34 | biRd_wondeR: TIFU by looking up reddit at work.
I was browsing reddit when I heard someone walking up to my desk. Quickly I opened a new tab and typed a website quickly, hit enter, and tried to look casual. It turned out to be my boss and he looked at my screen and smirked. I looked at the screen and in my horror, i had typed: reddit.com, and my most visited subreddit was /r/leagueoflegends so it went automatically to it.... Thank god his son plays league and he just walked away.
Chronophagous: There are so many ways that this could have been worse.
Be thankful.
[deleted]: it could have been gonewilde... or ... i don't even want to think about it... wtf or fearme...
saberman: or spacedicks.
| 4 | 8.5 | |
1385428936 | 1385450173 | null | t5_2to41 | 72 | Bebealex: TIFU by giving Bailey's chocolate to a Muslim
In English class at Cegep (High School)
Everybody is talking, teacher is drawing on the board,
I have this box of Chocolate candies filled with Bailey's,
A friend asked me one,
I throw it
While watching me he bites in it,
His eyes became something like O_O,
"IS THERE ALCOHOL IN THAT???"
He ran to the garbage and make himself puke, AGAIN AND AGAIN,
Turns out he is Muslim and he can't take alcohol.
Also there was no actual alcohol, just irish cream.
[deleted]: Muslim here. It would have been nice if you knew to tell him it had alcohol or even gelatin, but if it didn't cross your mind, it's not your fault. He should know to check himself or ask first
Bebealex: I apologize, he asked me a chocolate while pointing the box, clearly labeled as "BAILEY'S".
[deleted]: Not sure if that brand is popular for having alcohol in your area, never heard of it before myself.
Bebealex: Something like this:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B00A2WJOOY
It's not written as having alcohol or not on mines, in doubt i said no.
[deleted]: Don't worry about it man
| 6 | 12 | |
1385367816 | 1385533624 | null | t5_2to41 | 5 | innitbruvs: TIFU by breaking the screen on my replacement phone.
About 2 weeks ago, I kinda lost my temper and threw my phone at the wall. Right after I threw it I picked it up thinking I'm gonna have to get it replaced easily since I was paying monthly insurance. When I called in for a replacement, I was told I'd have to pay $200 for a replacement. I FU that day. I just got that phone
TIFU by simply pulling out my phone in the cold with my freezing numb hands and it simply slipped out landing face down onto the ground. I picked up thinking it fell onto a funky looking feather or something. Nope. Now my phone has a broken glass face and I'm gonna have to spend more money fixing it.
flantaclause: back when I had a flip phone, throwing it as hard as I could at anything in sight was such a stress reliever. Now that I have an iphone I just punch things....not saying it's better, but it sure is cheaper...
bboy799: I chuck my phone onto a pillow or couch.
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1385430529 | 1385441465 | null | t5_2to41 | 27 | justforyoumoosey: TIFU while babysitting
I was babysitting and I had to use the bathroom, so I go in there and I remember noticing that the toilet bowl was a little more full than it probably should've been. But I went ahead anyway and when I flushed the toilet it started filling with water but not draining. I kinda just stood there while the water reached the top and started pouring out onto the floor. I grabbed a cup from the counter and started scooping water out of the toilet and into the sink. After a couple minutes of that when the sink was full too, I realized the fucking sink was clogged also! So I started pouring it into the shower. Once the water stopped flowing and I scooped out enough water so that it wouldn't overflow, I took a bunch of toilet paper to try and clean up the flooded floor. After a few minutes of wiping I realized I couldn't even flush the soaked toilet paper down the toilet... So I had this nasty pile of soaking toilet paper sitting on the floor. So now the sink is full. The toilet is clogged. The shower is all wet. The floor is flooded. And there's a bunch of wet toilet paper on the floor. I kind of managed to clean most of the mess up but I decided to never ever babysit again.
I'm sure the comments will be filled (pun intended) with things I could've done differently to make this outcome better but whatever. It was hard to think straight.
TL;DR The house I'm babysitting at now has a gross, flooded bathroom and a full toilet and sink.
GottaGetToIt: So here's the what you should have done comment... Look at the back of the toilet. Most toilets have a faucet looking thing back there. Turn it righty tighty and the flow to the toilet will stop.
Have you fixed the bathroom yet? If not:
1. Clear area around toilet of baskets and such
2. Find plunger and plunge toilet. You tube it if you don't know how
3. Flush excess water and toilet paper once the clog is gone (you'll hear it go down). ( If you turned the water off, here's where you turn it back on. Be ready to turn back off in case it didn't work. )
4. Dry everything up with paper towels. If you must use regular towels, try to find dark/old ones
5. Wipe everything down with a disinfectant which you can probably find under bathroom or kitchen sink
(note : you can actually plunge a sink with a sink plunger if they have one of those.)
justforyoumoosey: If only you had told me this earlier...
*sigh*
GottaGetToIt: Hey it could have been worse. You could have pooped your pants.
Are the parents home?
justforyoumoosey: That would've been worse I suppose... But they have a kid my age who isn't home so I could always steal his pants and run out to the backyard and bury mine :)
They aren't home yet, no.
GottaGetToIt: Ahh, well, there is still time to make it spic and span!
justforyoumoosey: I went back in and gave the plunger a shot. Toilet unclogged, toiler paper and water drained. Sink drained slowly over the course of the past hour so that's clear too. The floor dried up a little so there's not so much of a mess. Woohoo for semi good endings!
GottaGetToIt: Semi-dry? March back in there and clean til it smells like lemons! You'll get a big tip, be invited back, and save yourself some embarrassment.
justforyoumoosey: Haha. It didn't look half bad when I went in there last. It was a semi gross bathroom to begin with...
Got paid $40 for a little over 4 hours and they asked if I could come again on Wednesday. This ended pretty well!
| 9 | 3 | |
1385433793 | 1386313674 | null | t5_2to41 | 60 | ivorpad: [NSFW] TIFU by googling a phobia
I'll keep it short.
I was lurking at Twitter when I read this tweet from @UberFacts. "Trypophobia is the fear of asymmetrical holes (warning: don't Google this)." Without hesitation I Googled the so called phobia and now my whole body is itching, I can't stop thinking about it!! I just learned I have
trypophobia.
Seriously, don't google that shit!
EDIT: I knew this would be downvoted as hell!
Skullchaos: i want to google this.
lostdeceiver: Me too.
Skullchaos: lets do this. together
lostdeceiver: But that NSFW tag though.
[deleted]: Yeah, it's very SFW... Shouldn't be tagged NSFW
I_Control: I'm scared for life I swear. I wanna pule. Looked at Google images ewwww
| 7 | 8.571429 | |
1385436260 | 1385436776 | null | t5_2to41 | 0 | [deleted]: TIFU by being the biggest jerk in the world, and getting an award for it.
So, I was in class, and was bored. I know all about this stuffs!
So I get out my notebook, look at the board, and see the homework. I decide to start. I am in the back of the classroom; hard to get to. So whenever they came around, I just covered it with the graph paper. I was doing **NONE** of the classwork, just the homework.
So at the end of the class, the teacher says:
*"Every year, someone feels they are just, just too smart for my class."*
My cheeks redden...
*"So they do the homework during class. This upsets me..."*
I am jumping in my seat.
*"Emily, this year, has decided to be that person."*
I am relieved as he takes her paper from her. Now she has to do it herself. But then I remember! *I get time to finish my homework in class!* Not enough to do all of it, but what would the teacher say? *"Done already?"*
So, from there I went on auto-pilot. I said:
"Mr. Doe (real name secret), [pause] I must confess. I did just that."
So he gets up, takes my paper, and tells me:
*"wessles, you were honest, so I will take your paper, but also award you with a 'doing the right thing' award"*
The 'doing the right thing' award, is when they call you out on being a good person. So, at that point, completely forgetting why I told him, I get out a piece of paper, and do my homework again. I finish, class is over (no homwork free-time), and I get my paper back, surprisingly.)
*"I'll give you it back. You did the right thing. Thanks wessles!"*
So I am completely happy about what happened, but I realize:
**I just got awarded for being a jerk to the teacher, twice, once without him knowing it.**
I am the biggest jerk in the world...
**TLDR;** **Decided to do homework in class, confess, get an award, and break the rule again under the teachers nose. I get awarded for being a jerk!**
AlexBayArea: Yolo doe. GJ. Technically you didn't fuck up haha.
[deleted]: It's more that I betrayed my favorite teacher's trust. The real FU will come when I hear the announcement...
Seriously, I will feel so guilty :(.
| 3 | 0 | |
1385436329 | 1385438571 | null | t5_2to41 | 179 | nomolos619619: TIFU BIG TIME
I was gutting my bathroom. Just some remodeling. I tore the drywall out and got to the old insulation. I've never had a problem with insulation itching so I went at it bare handed.
Gutting took no time at all. So I go to start putting new insulation in. After hours of the remolding I decided to take a shower.
Now swamp ass got going during the remodel and being the classy guy I am, I decide to soap up my hand and shove my hand between my ass cheeks. Rubbing and scrubbing away, I start to feel a tingle. My ass crack is on fire. It feel like shards of glass are shooting in and out. I grab the shower head and shove it in my ass. No relief. Cold water. No relief.
I just had to wait it out. Its calmed down now. Fuck it was rough. Asshole still itches.
TL;DR Got insulation in my asscrack and hole. Always wear gloves.
Haterade1: Wat
nomolos619619: I was gutting my bathroom. Just some remodeling. I tore the drywall out and got to the old insulation. I've never had a problem with insulation itching so I went at it bare handed.
Gutting took no time at all. So I go to start putting new insulation in. After hours of the remolding I decided to take a shower.
Now swamp ass got going during the remodel and being the classy guy I am, I decide to soap up my hand and shove my hand between my ass cheeks. Rubbing and scrubbing away, I start to feel a tingle. My ass crack is on fire. It feel like shards of glass are shooting in and out. I grab the shower head and shove it in my ass. No relief. Cold water. No relief.
I just had to wait it out. Its calmed down now. Fuck it was rough. Asshole still itches.
TL;DR Got insulation in my asscrack and hole. Always wear gloves.
Belgara: If he didn't get it the first time, I'm not sure what your copying and pasting the exact same thing is going to accomplish.
Translation: Most insulation these days has very, very tiny fibers of glass in it. They itch horribly if you get them on your skin. OP never had a problem with it on his hands, so didn't wear gloves. Decides to take a shower; his ass is sweaty and gross, so he goes to wash it, and plasters his asscrack and asshole with tiny glass fibers. Feels bad, man.
TL;DR OP shoved tiny fibers of glass into his ass.
nomolos619619: Shooting for sarcasm.
Belgara: Ah. For what it's worth, sorry about your ass, man.
| 6 | 29.833333 | |
1385435117 | 1385579733 | null | t5_2to41 | 79 | suppermick: TIFU By making a grown man cry
So my good friend is having a small get together at a directors house for her birthday. For context she just turned 21 and this is a director from a theater she interned at, so he's around 40. Super nice house. I agreed to be her DD so she could have her fun. I'm sipping on my only beer, completely sober, and just shooting the shit with everyone. I'm leaning in the doorway, stand up to readjust my weight, and go to lean back on the doorway.
Except I lean on a top heavy shelf that's completely unsecured.....
The whole shelf starts to tip over. Luckily I had quick reflexes and was able to catch the shelf before it fell over completely, but it wasn't fast enough to keep ALL of his fancy martini glasses and fancy alcohol bottles from sliding off and shattering on the floor (including a random plant). The room falls into dead silence. Everybody stares at the dirt and glass on the floor and nobody knows what to do. Finally somebody gains control and starts cleaning everything up. The director is dead quiet, goes into the other room, and yells "my GRANDMOTHER gave me those glasses!" I'm absolutely horrified. I help clean everything up and offer to pay for whatever needs to be replaced.
I sit down on the couch, mortified. I really want to bail the fuck out and come back later. However I was the birthday girls only ride and she wasn't ready to leave yet. She walks over to the director and gives him a hug, and I hear the tears in his voice. Muffled sobs into the girls shoulder is the only audible noise in the whole house. I stare at the only other person who had just arrived in time for my catastrophe and she gives me a "don't worry we all fuck up" look. The birthday girl then decides she wants to watch two fucking episodes of Dr. Who, and all the while the director is in his room, most likely crying, and doesn't come out for the rest of the night.
When I finally get to leave and drive this girl home, he comes out, shakes my hand, and says "Thanks for coming"
What do you tell a fully grown man who's just spent the last hour and a half crying?
"thanks for having me...."
Dookiestain_LaFlair: " I agreed to be her DD so she could have her fun. I'm sipping on my only beer, completely sober,"
I don't think you're clear on the concept of being a designated driver.
AnnieIWillKnow: You can have one beer and still be under the limit, so fit to drive.
Dookiestain_LaFlair: And yet we still have the issue of "my only beer, completely sober"
Just because he is under the limit with one beer doesn't make him "completely sober"
And someone who volunteers to be DD doesn't get to have one beer and be under the limit.
AnnieIWillKnow: I'm confused about your last sentence?
Dookiestain_LaFlair: When you volunteer to be DD, you don't drink at all. You don't get to drink as much as you want as long as you are under the legal limit, you don't get to have one beer and be under the limit, you don't get to drink at all. That's the whole fucking purpose of DD, someone who has not consumed any alcohol at all.
antilock: Oh get over yourself. At 5% Alcohol content, OP would have plenty of time to have the alcohol filter out, with time to spare actually. That isn't even accounting for height and weight. In this time frame, a DD can have a single beer, and be stone cold sober by the departure time.
Dookiestain_LaFlair: Tell that to the cops when you are at a checkpoint with alcohol on your breath and the rest of the people in your car are piss drunk. If someone who said they would be DD started drinking I wouldn't get in a car with them, not even if it was only one beer. If they don't have the self discipline to go one night without drinking I'm not trusting them with my life.
antilock: First off, one beer at the beginning of the night won't stay on the breath nor will it be in your system by the time you leave. Especially if you are eating food and drinking non-alcoholic beverages. If you did get pulled over, the officers would give the driver a sobriety test on the spot, which they would PASS because they aren't drunk. Hell the driver would even pass a breathalyzer, which assuming they had passed the stability and movement tests they would have no reason to give. In all likelihood, the police officer would see the other piss drunk people in their car and tell the driver to get them home safely and thank them for being a good friend and taking the responsibility to drive them home. They would not however look at you like a criminal for having a single beer earlier that night. While you are allowed your own opinion, please don't guilt others into feeling bad when they are doing a service for their friends and loved ones, **that** is unacceptable.
Dookiestain_LaFlair: Piss off you self-righteous cunt, you are doing to get people killed on the road.
Batmanjack32: You realize you are legally allowed to drink one beer and drive, right? Actually probably 2-3 beers and still be under the limit if you weigh over 150 lbs. this is the law, and the OP is following it. Stop being an ignorant fuck
Dookiestain_LaFlair: What is legally allowed and what are acceptable standards are two different things. If someone doesn't have the self discipline to keep from drinking what makes you think they have the self discipline to only have one beer? Why not just have 3 or 4 and tell the people you are with that you only had one? You shouldn't be so reckless with your safety.
antilock: Actually BAC is an acceptable standard. That is why it is up to a limit and not zero. Because **up to** a limit of BAC people can still function normally without impairment. That is why that "over the limit, under arrest" commercial exists. If you are **under** the limit, you are at an acceptable level of function for the task you are doing. So really there is no difference in this case between, legally allowed and acceptable standard.
| 13 | 6.076923 | |
1385436864 | 1385477074 | null | t5_2to41 | 46 | muffintumble: TIFU by yelling at an empty car
I had a hard day at work today, it was freezing, and I was crabby. I get off the subway and walk to my car when I notice that someone has parked roughly 6 inches away from the driver's side, blocking me in.
"Oh you fucking cockbag!" I yell at the offending car, exasperated. Immediately after that, the owner walks up and hastily opens the door. He had been right behind me as I yelled like a crazy bitch at his empty car.
We both say nothing and I make a quick getaway… to coincidentally follow him for a good 5 miles and probably look like I'm trying to take my revenge. To add insult to injury, he had a damn FSM sticker on his car and may have just been an awesome person who had a shitty day too.
sellyberry: I live almost right next to a grocery store. The way home for me involves one big intersection, with three lanes, a right turn only, a going straight, and the left lane can also go straight. I use the left lane to go straight because that's the lane I need to be in in less than a block, but sometimes people in the middle lane drive into the left lane before they get to the other side of the intersection, with no regards for me (in my shitty minivan, it's not like I'm hard to see) and my right of way.
So I was driving home and some jack off pulls that shit with me and now I'm following him home... Because he lives in the same condos as me. He noticed and started to go slower and when he stopped he almost jumped out of his car, ready to fight his stalker... And I just pushed my button and parked in the garage.
flantaclause: I remember I followed someone once. about 25 minutes of both city and highway driving from the south side of town to the north side. I noticed that it was my neighbor shortly after following them a bit, but he drove right past his house, watched me pull into my driveway, turned around and went home. I wonder how long he was watching me in his rear view before he got nervous
muffintumble: It's so awkward! I'm totally the tool who like, drives around the block to try to avoid it.
| 4 | 11.5 | |
1385439488 | 1385459468 | null | t5_2to41 | 35 | inspiredman: TIFU With Cum Shot Over Roommate's Stuff
I was jacking off in the shower when it shot out. This time, I didn't bother aiming, so it got all over my roommate's soap, shampoo, face wash, and loofah. I was in a hurry, so I quickly ran the shower and rinsed his stuff.
Just looked at his stuff tonight and there's all this red mildew growing on it now. I think he hasn't noticed yet, but I'll thoroughly clean his stuff tomorrow :/
DJTwink: red....mildew? I doubt that's from your jizz
flantaclause: and if it is, cleaning his stuff is the least of your worries...
| 3 | 11.666667 | |
1385489096 | 1385526727 | t3_1rhoin | t5_2to41 | 300 | mark636199: But it was with his dick
ankensam: >If you can perfectly say "Mary sells sea shells by the sea shore" ten times fast I will take my dick out of your mouth.
goingrogueatwork: "Muurrerr shurlls shee shulls buhrr der COUGH COUGH shee shuu COUGH"
ankensam: >*Thrusts deeper* Very poor, try again!
RockHardRetard: Too far. ^^^^^^^^Too ^^^^^^^^^^^deep
Vahnati: No, the Moon is too far. Ever just try to reach out and touch it? Can't do it, it's just too far man. But this? She was *definitely* within reach.
RockHardRetard: Ever looked at the moon's reflection on a pool of water and touched it? Check mate atheists!
Vahnati: You touched only the water, as by the very act of touching it's reflection, you scatter it upon the ripples of the water, like so many fireflies, dancing up and away into the night sky.
RockHardRetard: In your eyes though, they have become fireflies, and on the soil your knees lie on now is the moon. You look up, staring at an ocean ceiling, with the reflection of the earth. There is no air, you struggle for breath, you drown as you are in the water and that reflection now the moon.
Vahnati: Is... is this Courage the Cowardly Dog? Should I be on guard for that mermaid bitch OH GOD THE NIGHTMARES. That was hands down one of the scariest fucking episodes EVER on that show. That bitch was fucking EVIL.
RockHardRetard: Why'd you have to remind me ;;
Vahnati: You've brought this upon yourself. Now, we suffer together.
RockHardRetard: Such is life.
| 13 | 23.076923 | |
1385409941 | 1385495882 | null | t5_2to41 | 22 | jfanny: TIFU by damaging an expensive piece of dental equipment
Technically I did it Thursday but discovered my mistake today. I am a dental assistant in a small office. We have this machine called an ultrasonic cleaner. Combined with an enzyme solution is shakes and cleans organic material off of instruments before sterilization. Naturally it gets gross and gunky often. We had cleaned it before with bleach so in our infinite wisdom last Thursday we poured some in at the end of the day and left. We had a long weekend so when we came in today it was a rusty festering mess. After draining and rinsing I discovered the metal basket and sides were corroded. Then after filling it up with solution I noticed it was leaking everywhere too. This is a small struggling dental practice and the machine is only 6 months old. They are not cheap. I feel terrible. I realize now in hindsight how stupid it was but I really did not think it would do so much damage.
Tl;Dr never underestimate the power of bleach.
emopanda18: Honestly not sure how you could have thought it was OK to improperly clean expensive equipment.
alfrednugent: Where does op say they thought it was OK? They are admitting they fucked up.
emopanda18: I believe it was implied when they did not object to leaving the bleach there. Hence believed that it would be ok to leave it there knowing that this is not the proper way to do so.
| 4 | 5.5 | |
1385479442 | 1385547699 | null | t5_2to41 | 136 | ecstatic1: TIFU by telling my friend I love her
Little bit of back story:
Girl and I have been friends for going on 4 years now. We've really dragged each other through some shit over that time, failed relationships, a mutual friend's divorce, problems with school and work and life, etc. She's always been there for me when I needed someone to listen, and I've always tried to help her through whatever problems crop up in her life.
Me? I'm a habitual fuck-up when it comes to anything involving emotions or expressing myself, and I tend to repress feelings of frustration and aggression. I think it's a coping mechanism for when I don't feel like I've got control of my life, like I choose not to feel instead of actually confronting the thing that's causing me to feel that way. She's the kind of girl that wears her heart on her sleeve, essentially, and that's a very endearing quality to me because it helps me associate with my own emotions. It's been very helpful over the past 7 or 8 months since I've moved across the country to start a new job. It's lonely here and my friends back home, her especially, have been so supportive and helpful.
Anyway, that bit is important because for about a year now I've been trying to convince myself that I'm not romantically interested in Girl, despite the fact that I've caught myself looking at her in a way that I typically reserve for lovers. And we have fooled around in the past so I didn't think much about it (just hormones, etc.). Last time I was in town (October) we ended up having sex, after which she drove me to the airport and we said our goodbyes. Neither one of us has really mentioned the event, but I've been thinking about her more and more over the past month as I've been helping her deal with school related problems.
So last night:
I came back from my evening run feeling the worse for wear. I'm trying to train up for a 15k back home this coming Saturday that Girl has asked me to run with her. Fuck me I'm not a runner! But she's worth the effort so here I am pushing myself through cold and rain. Well, I get home and I text her that I want to Facetime and talk a bit. She replies back that she's got a meeting real soon and she can't, but she really wants to talk to me because she's stressed and also that *she wants to tell me about this* **new guy** *she met*. What? Fuck? I thought I had more time!
I was planning on telling her how I felt this weekend, and I think I panicked a little. She caught on that something was amiss and called me up. So there I am, heart pounding, legs tight and fingers numb, looking into the face of a girl who doesn't know the train wreck that's about to crash into her from a thousand miles away.
I play it cool. "So, I've got a problem I think you can help me out with." "Ok, I'll try," she says to me with a look on her face like she has more pressing concerns on her mind. And I could tell she wasn't expecting anything, which just made it harder. But I'm already in this far, can't back out now. I go on to tell her that there's this girl I like and I don't know how to tell her how I feel. We go back and forth on some questions, and she figures out pretty quickly that I'm being a coy motherfucker and calls me out.
"Is it me...?" Lump in my throat. "...Maybe?" *Wry smile and puppy dog eyes*. Silence. Silence grows into awkward pause. Then the next 5 minutes is her looking like she's recovering from a car crash and me desperately trying to explain that I can't help how I feel. "Maybe I'm just being an idiot," I say. "I didn't want to tell you like this, but I can't help how I feel and I wanted you to know." And she's obviously distraught, and our conversation keeps getting interrupted as her sister enters and exits her room so the awkwardness only exasperates. Finally I just go and say, "I can't help the way I feel. *I love you and I can't change that.*" She looks like a deer in headlights. "I have to go to my meeting, I'm really sorry I don't know what to say right now..." Boom. Done. Conversation ends.
And here I am today, wearing my dunce hat and feeling like a total selfish asshole. I've fucked up a lot in my life, Reddit. But last night, I think, was my crowning glory. Please induct me into the Hall of Fucked.
**TL;DR**: I told my friend of the last 4 years I loved her. Now she's in shock and I feel like an asshat.
SilentSamamander: Hey man, it's better that you were honest with her. If you hadn't said anything it would have continued to eat away at you.
If you know nothing can happen romantically between you two, you can move on easier and find someone who loves you back.
ecstatic1: Thanks for the support :)
I was going to talk to her again today and tell her that I didn't mean for it to be such a big deal. I'll love her regardless of whether she loves me back the same way. I'll always think of her as a friend either way.
pesanze: You know it's not gonna happen, right? :)
[deleted]: Fuck you, dude.
pesanze: :,(
| 6 | 22.666667 | |
1385487043 | 1385701323 | null | t5_2to41 | 35 | FizzPig: TIFU by swearing at my roommate's cat
I rent a large room in a house with a roommate, there's an archway in the middle with a curtain turning it into two rooms so we each have our privacy.
So my roommate got a kitten a few weeks back, it's about 8 months old. The damn thing is awful cute but would NOT STOP attacking me. If I was around it was scratching or biting me nonstop. I fell into the following routine: cat attacks me, I push the cat away and say "no, fuck off cat!" over and over and over. Apparently my roommate did not appreciate my swearing at her cat. So after a big freakout in which she told me "you don't talk to a kitten like that!" she put up another divider between our rooms. I don't get to interact with the cat anymore, and am not talking to roommate. FML.
FercPolo: Two guesses.
One, your roommate is Asian.
Two, she's crazy as fuck.
FizzPig: how did you know my roommate was asian??
FercPolo: Just sounded like an Asian thing to do.
I know that sounds horribly racist...but I don't mean it negatively. haha
Myanex: I bet it was one if those oriental dividers too.
FizzPig: YES
| 6 | 5.833333 | |
1385490805 | 1385608590 | null | t5_2to41 | 336 | BurritoSchits: TIFU by watching porn
Was told by r/funny to post this here as well. So here it goes.
*wake up early*
My boys, (6 & 9) distracted by cartoons as is their custom if they're up early enough.
Decide to capitalize on brief moment of alone time in bed.
Open porn on my phone.
After many failed attempts at finding right video- success. Get at it!
Sound not working. Turn volume up, still nothing.
Fuck it- I'll use my imagination.
Couple minutes go by.
*knock knock* SHIT. ABANDON SHIP.
As youngest opens door I hear mixed sounds of cartoons and obnoxious porn.
Forgot phone was still synced to bluetooth radio in kitchen from dinner the night before.
Edit: forgot the last part. "Daddy, your alarm clocks going off".
He six. I can't really respond on his state of mind as to why he thinks porn sounds like my alarm. Speculate to your hearts content.
L_U_R_K_E_R: This is one of those things he will put to the back of his mind but when he finds out about porn, bam, it'll be there and he'll remember. I recall playing with little square packets that had something that wiggled around inside them when I was quite young. I'd find them on top of my brother's cupboard and had no idea what they were until I grew up.
Noneerror: Do people really think that a 9yr old doesn't know what porn is? I had sex ed classes in school when I was 9 and I already knew what porn was before then. I can't imagine what kids are aware of now with the internet.
falken4: You had sex ed at 9 years old? 4th grade? Yeah, I don't see that happening.
Noneerror: Using the term "4th grade" I can tell why. And yes it was Grade 4 in [Canada](http://www.aboutkidshealth.ca/En/HealthAZ/FamilyandPeerRelations/Sexuality/Pages/Sex-Education-Age-Appropriate-For-Children-what-they-should-learn-and-when.aspx). But that's nothing on the [Dutch](http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2011/mar/25/sex-education-dutch-children). They don't start at grade 4, they start at 4.
falken4: That seems a little too early for sex ed. But maybe it works out better?
| 6 | 56 | |
1385488615 | 1385495320 | null | t5_2to41 | 68 | tokewithnick: TIFU by accidentally showing my black abyss to a girl
Well I had the bright idea to not use the bathroom at work and wait till I got to my aunt's store. All the stores around share one bathroom which is for employees only, but I use it anyways. It's really small, I can actually sit on the toilet and wash my hands on the sink at the same time just to give you an idea. Well there I was, sitting on the toilet going colon bowlin' when suddenly I remembered that the plumbing for this toilet is really bad which forces me to flush at least 4 times before the water is clear. So after I was done doing my thing I bend over to turn the little red valve under to the toilet to get some more water pressure but as I was going down I hear someone turning the door knob... The door opens and this girl is just standing there trying to make sense of what's going on. My pants were down and my elongated white ass was facing her. I can only imagine what she saw from the face she made. I could feel her staring directly at the dark hairy abyss that is my rectum. All I could think of saying was "..sorry..", as soon as those words left my mouth, she closed the door and ran.
There are some things people should never have to see. Reddit, today I fucked up.
lostdeceiver: It's her own fault. She should have knocked.
w8b4: And I would like to believe she knew it and that was why she hightailed it outta there. That and the obvious saw something you really didn't plan on or want to that day thing.
| 3 | 22.666667 | |
1385502365 | 1385755530 | null | t5_2to41 | 43 | mmmdddmmm: TIFU by thinking with my dick.
Well, it was yesterday, but fuck it.
I have an ex girlfriend that lives about an hour from my place of residence (can't really call my frat house "home"). We've always been pretty cordial, and because there's never really been a fair shot for us to have a healthy, legitimate relationship, there's some feelings that have been dormant on both sides. We make plans to hang out, with a full understanding that sex will be involved barring some extreme circumstance or fuckup. I get excited.
Reddit, I need to open up for a hot minute - I have confidence issues with my performance/size/body makeup (honestly, only the last one is remotely valid). We made out for a while and did high school-esque handsy shit. Here's where things get fun - we stop dead in our tracks, have a ten minutes discussion on the implications of having sex (where both of us lose our respective drives), that ends with her saying "okay, let's go."
She bounces up, immediately strips naked, lays down and spreads 'em. /u/mmmdddmmm, you're in the clear! This is what every guy wants to happen!
..............nothing.
Okay, it's whatever, maybe if I go down on her, I'll get turned on. I do, and she comes (tornado tongue ftw). Now it's time to put it in! I reach down for my dick....
..........
.................
........................
Soft as a pillow yet again.
Alright, maybe if there's some more foreplay - oh my god she's going down on me AND I STILL CAN'T FUCKING POP A BONER.
I panicked, made an excuse about not taking medication (which was true - I'm on a little steroid pack for a viral infection, but it was a last day so I'm sure I didn't die), and noped the fuck outta there, tail between my legs and highly embarrassed. I asked if everything was okay and she just gave me the "fine" answer.
And now today conversation is nothing but awkward. Holy shit, I fucked up.
tl;dr my dick wanted some, then got stage fright, which may have fucked up a friendship.
[deleted]: You fucked up your "friendship" at the moment you guys started making out.
mmmdddmmm: We've made out before, we've just never gone further.
Batmanjack32: You guys were boyfriend/girlfriend and never had sex?
mmmdddmmm: We were in high school and it was only for a few weeks. She was a lot more...conservative back then.
| 5 | 8.6 | |
1385502919 | 1386624662 | null | t5_2to41 | 34 | DanniiTheFannii: TIFU by saying to a woman "why do women fucking do this?"
I've been talking to this girl for a while. I don't have feelings towards her, just friendship. We joke about and whatnot, and she considers me a very good friend and she often calls me a 'brother' in the sense that I'm looking out for her.. I guess..
She recently broke up with her boyfriend. This means that she's been flirting with me more than she actually was (she has pretty strong feelings for me) prior to the breakup. I wasn't bothered; it's nice to be noticed.
Because she broke up with her boyfriend, she's also been even more psychotic than she actually was before. She's always been going on about self harm and how no one loves her and she'd be better off dead (I've had to *cut out* the emo jokes, which would originally leave me in *stitches* because if I did make an inappropriate joke, I'd be left *hanging*). She's always been like that, and to be perfectly honest, I couldn't give a shit. She's a nice friend n'all, but I'm really not the person to go to when you want to talk about that sort of stuff.
So, she didn't reply to my text last night because she fell asleep. Meh, not bothered about it. She replied to it in the morning, and I saw it when I woke up. I didn't reply to it because I had nothing to reply with, and I wasn't intending on replying with some stupid thing off of the Emoji keyboard that she usually does whenever the conversation has died. So, I went by my day and it was going well.
Fastforward to earlier on tonight. She texts me with *"Sleep well ): I thought we will talk today or something, but never mind."* I looked at my phone and just locked it again because I couldn't be bothered for that shit. I've been single for 17 months, and I've been fucking loving every second of it as I haven't had to deal with shit like this.
Phone goes off again, and it's another text from ***Batman*** (her name is Nina, so my friends call her 'Nina Nina Nina Nina Nina Nina Nina Nina Batmaaaan!'). And she says *"That's what I thought.."* whether that meant 'I knew you'd ignore my text' or referencing her previous text I didn't know.
So at that point I decided to send "Why do women fucking do this?"
Bad move.
It says 'Delivered' underneath the text bubble, but she hasn't 'Reddit' yet.
* I don't believe that **all** women 'fucking do that'. It's just a figure of speech.. Somewhat. I shall keep you updated.
Wilderbeest: Sounds like you were kind of an asshole..
DeliciousPumpkinPie: Kind of, yeah. If she has an established "relationship" with you and you regularly communicate with her, and she makes it clear that she wants to talk (even via text), and you just totally ignore her, of course she's going to be upset. And then you say something like that... yeah, you fucked up, "brother."
JMLOddity: Not to mention, I think it's really kinda messed up to completely disregard her comments about being depressed and self-harming. That is serious stuff. Even if the person wasn't my friend, I would still listen and try to help. I feel bad for her, honestly
| 4 | 8.5 | |
1385505705 | 1385653454 | null | t5_2to41 | 16 | Hawkeye821: TIFU by telling my teacher to watch a movie
Okay, so it is important for the context of the story that you have seen Requiem for a Dream. If you have good. If not, let me just say that it is a fantastic movies and you should watch it. The main plot is a parallel between a kid on drugs and his mom also on drugs. Best camera work I have ever seen in a movie. Anyways so we were in class doing some free work on an essay and I start talking with the teach. Suddenly this movie pops into my head and tell the teacher that she should watch it. I gave her the warning that there is copious amounts of drug use and a sex scene so don't watch it with your parents. I told her it was on Netflix, ended the conversation and went back to work. then after class ended and on my way home I remembered the sex scene. I had been thinking of the scene between Harry and Marion. I totally forgot of the weird 'ass to ass' one. I forget about it because I gave her the warning that it was at not school safe movie. Well tomorrow rolls around and when I get to her class she calls me over to her desk with the most horrified look on her face. I can already tell were this is going so I reminder her of the warning. The only thing she can do is stare at me in disbelief and ask how and why I had seen that movie. Apparently she had watched it with her husband and told him that one of her students recommended it. I applause her on finishing the movie but for the reminder of the day every time i made eye contact she just had a look in her face like I was destined to go nowhere in life. I cant really describe the look other than the deep sole-less stare of utter-disappointment.
wrectangle: Now tell her she should watch "Oldboy"
twisturtle: Amazing film
| 3 | 5.333333 | |
1385502118 | 1385510947 | null | t5_2to41 | 46 | olgaslam: TIFU by going swimming.
I'm on the swim team. I'm not one of the good swimmers, but I still go because it's a good way to exercise.
So here I am at the end of practice. We're practicing our dives and such. My first two dives go well, just a slight belly flop. However, on my last dive, I didn't tuck my chin down and went face first.
At first, I was like "haha wow shit my nose hurts, that'd suck if I got a nosebleed" which everyone laughed at.
But then, 3 minutes later...
The Niagara Falls of nosebleeds is coming out of my face. Awkwardly, I quickly walked (don't run on the deck, children) to my towel and proceeded to bleed all over that.
Tldr; I'm on the road to the Olympics.
Madsmobley1: What was everyone's reactions to your mishap?
olgaslam: Laughter and some high fives for being so lame
| 3 | 15.333333 | |
1385515624 | 1385624845 | null | t5_2to41 | 296 | neverfade18: TIFU and left a job interview in an ambulance
So I wasn't feeling well this morning and decided not to eat anything before going to a job interview at 2 pm. I've been unemployed for nearly three months now, so I was really freaking out that I needed the job very badly. As I was sitting in the lobby, which was pretty warm mind you, I started getting very dizzy and felt like I was going to vomit. Instead of waiting to throw up in the lobby, I wandered down the hall and found a kitchen but I couldn't find a garbage can. As I wandered in delirium I found my way into a copy room where I promptly fainted and face planted on a copy machine.
I don't know how long I was out for but I woke to a guy asking if I was ok and did this happen often? I kept maintaining that no, I was fine, until I touched my face and noticed my cheek and forehead were bleeding profusely. The receptionist came to check on me, and soon afterward the paramedics took me to the hospital to get patched up.
I don't think I'm going to get that job.
TL;DR: Before my job interview could start, I fainted, hit my head, and had to be taken to the hospital.
amazonallie: Hey dude.. you alright??
If this makes you feel any better... I went for an interview.. puked on the interviewer's shoes and shit myself...
No.. I didn't get the job.. not because I was sick.. but because they had decided they weren't going to hire drivers without 2 years experience... :)
whelp_welp: How are you supposed to get two years experience if they don't hire you?
amazonallie: It's a never ending cycle.
The worst part is.. the industry is screaming for drivers.. so much so in fact that they are hiring foreign drivers. But not many companies will take on rookies..
Luckily I found one who will. :)
spankthepunkpink: same deal trying to get a forklift license in Australia, pretty much need to be an existing offsider to a licensed driver who gets sick or something.
So the company pays for your license but only because it's cheaper than training a licensed fork operator about refrigerants. I gave some witches my first born son and a lock of my pubes and managed to get one, but i'm amongst the lucky ones......
amazonallie: LOL... I'm a female to top it off.... so yeah... I get the bribing of witches feeling...
spankthepunkpink: yet you assume because I can drive a forklift I must be a man?
amazonallie: LOL.. no.. I was merely adding that trying to be a female finding an internship and trainer in trucking was crazy impossible.
spankthepunkpink: But you got it sorted I take it? Awesome, congrats! :-)
I drove a large delivery van around the countryside for a few months just before I cracked the IT biz, have really fond memories of that time. Get to eat lunch outside in the bush in a different spot every day, cruise around listenin' to tunes all day. The hours were a bit of a drag but the work was very peaceful imo. i reckon truckings a great job.
amazonallie: That is exactly why I chose it. I'm in Canada, so I was hired to do long haul Canada/US.
Listening to tunes, drinking coffee, hanging out with my dog... I love being on the road. I always have... and the longer the better :)
I found a company that realized there was a huge demographic not being taken care of, so when they got my resume and saw I used to be a teacher and now wanted to drive, they snapped me up. Their long term plan is for me to become a driver coach in 2 years, and they want to see as many female solo drivers as they can working for the company. :)
The downside, my training has been long because I can't go on the road with the trainers (they are male and they don't want to send a male and female out alone together), so it's taken a very long time to get the training portion over. Thankfully it is almost over and I'll be getting my truck within a week or so, and then I'll be free! I'm psyched.
spankthepunkpink: That's great! Really happy for you, Sounds like a cherry gig too :-)
Bringing a dog along is a stroke of genius btw. Seems weird they still have to keep guys n girls apart, I'd like to think most guys can be near a woman for quite a few hours without commiting a crime :-/
sigh.....I'm sitting in a very stuffy little cubicle now, working a job that is mildly interesting at best and at worst positively mind numbing, I would take that job back in a second tbh but the potential to earn big dollars in IT is just too much to resist, I make a bit more than double what I made as a driver sitting here looking at spreadsheets and flickin' through reddit.
When I dream about cruisin' down an open road sweeping majestically through verdant green fields tonight I'm totally blaming you :-p
Hope your new truck is everything you hope! :-)
amazonallie: Why thank you :)
I could never leave my dog behind.. he's my best friend.
Yeah, the keeping guys and girls apart is more for "safety". For example, he gives a bad report, she hollers sexual harassment. Pathetic I know, but some people are like that.. :(
You know, I'm old.. I'm 40, and the one thing I have learned is do to what makes me happy. Long haul trucking pays fairly well here. I mean it's not like woo hoo, but it is definitely fair. Plus, the pay is only getting better due to the shortage. The benefits from my company are more than fair. Plus, their pay package for "other" things are reasonable. I can make an extra 4 cents a mile just by staying under 100KM/hr, which is a GREAT incentive!
When I was debating my career change it was between programming and driving. I'm very glad I chose driving.
spankthepunkpink: It really does sound great, how exciting for you!
I guess the policy seems fair when explained like that. I guess that's the point getting you in the trainer's seat, it'll be loads easier for the next girls through thanks to your hard work :-)
and 40's not that old! Sheesh, I'll be 31 in a few days. Maybe in 9 years I'll follow suit and make choice for ME, with loads of money saved up from IT of course! :-P
amazonallie: Makes sense.. LOL..
:)
| 14 | 21.142857 | |
1385553739 | 1385610607 | t3_1rjl1b | t5_2to41 | 13 | kroneksix: Asus would cover this. Their warrenty (used to at least) have an accidental clause, and this would be accidental. Not sure of any manufacturer's offering this though
Bdtry: Yup, most still have the 1 year accidental damage warranty. I think that some of the Best Buy models dont though since they cut that to reduce their prices.
[deleted]: Even if it was covered by the warranty (it was not) I was far too embarrassed to bring a puke covered laptop into Best Buy.
Bdtry: Well, with Asus accidental damage warranty I think you would have had to send it in to a repair center so no embarrassing looks to worry about ;)
[deleted]: I wish I knew that before I cannibalized the damn thing. However I was able to make a decent laptop out of my wife's old one with the spare parts from the new one.
| 5 | 2.6 | |
1385532926 | 1385591599 | null | t5_2to41 | 77 | [deleted]: TIFU by thinking I knew the silent girl in my class
TIFU by making the silent girl in class talk to me.Me and the silent girl have been in the same classes since second grade. She and I are really in the same social groups so we have never really talked but I have watched her since she transferred to my class in second grade.I have had a mad crush on her and having had tried to talk to her a bunch of times after seeing her at the mall shopping I decided to try and talk to her. But like all other time she blew her off so I confronted her about it. I said something like:" So what your just gonna stay silent? You know what I think I think you try way to damn hard to be weird and antisocial."
She then slapped me in the face and dragged me to the food court.She preceded to tell me about her life. She was bullied physically after she transferred to my school. Is still mentally abused by her mother and grandparents on her fathers side who told her she was going to hell. Her father neglected her letting her stand outside in winter until 10 am to 4:30 am the next day only to make her take a bus to get to his house.Her grandmother on her mother's side, the only who cared for her died when she was 10. This halloween a group of random guy's sexually molested her even though she went to the police no one helped her. She also said she was who she was. She didn't feel the need to fake a smile to have friends. She gave me a middle finger and walked away.So yeah I really fucked up.
dangerousv: Man.... I feel sorry for her and you. Maybe go apologise to her and start again. Your call... you could be her respite!
EctoplasmicWorms: Don't listen to this crap, OP. Life isn't a witty, avant-garde movie. Don't try to be anyone's saviour. It's an emotional crutch and what she maybe needs is actual psychological help. Not a fucking movie date.
Get real, people.
EDIT: I forgot how to suffix.
steel_shot: Good advice, it sounds harsh but it's generally true. I've been in that situation before and it's extremely draining and stressful.
| 4 | 19.25 | |
1385537764 | 1391478901 | null | t5_2to41 | 920 | Hatweed: TIFU by firing a shotgun in my house.
Ok, I have to say first that this actually happened about 3 weeks ago, but in my defense I just discovered this subreddit existed today.
A few months ago I received an old Japanese Arisaka rifle from my grandfather after he passed. I have spent the last few months researching the gun to figure out it's type and year of production when I came across a factoid that said that the gun weighs 9 lbs. I always thought the gun was heavy, but I never would have guessed almost 10 lbs. heavy.
I decided I would compare its weight with some of mine and my dad's old hunting guns because I really didn't have anything better to do for a few hours. I went into my dad's room, opened the gun cabinet, and started going through the guns one by one, shouldering them for a few seconds, and then putting them back. After about 5 rifles, I got to the shotguns. I picked up my dad's 20-gauge shotgun, shouldered it, and-
BAM!
After a few seconds of shock at what just happened, I saw pictures and papers flying around the trajectory of the shot. After I realized that the gun had just fired, I quickly started going over the weapon to figure out what had just happened. Turns out the gun had 3 shells of bird shot in it and the safety was off. When I was shouldering the gun, my finger must have moved ~~out of instinct and squeezed the trigger~~, but the whole moment is a blur to me, even now.
**EDIT: Seeing how I apparently got FUOTW, I want to make something clear for future readers: I do not instinctively put my finger on the trigger every time I handle a firearm. I make a clear effort every other time to keep it either extended or rested below the trigger guard when handling my gun when I'm not firing it. It was this one time when, through a combination of other factors (thinking my dad would never keep a loaded gun in his cabinet, knowing I would only be handling the gun for a few seconds to gauge their weight only, etc.), I made the dumbass mental decision to forgo the rules this one time, and it cost me. When I was gauging the shotgun, I never made the mental effort to control where my finger went, so it went to where my mind said the most comfortable position on a firearm would be: the trigger. It wasn't really instinct, more a lapse in discipline at the worst possible time. A few people in the comments took my poorly worded explanation to mean that I always handle a gun in this manner, but I can assure you this was and will always be a one time mistake I will not be repeating.**
Now, I'm an experienced hunter, and I know how to handle a firearm. I grew up taking the rules of gun safety very seriously when out in the field or with guns I never personally handled. Rule one of firearm safety is ALWAYS ASSUME THE GUN IS LOADED. However, this situation had caused me to lax the rules just slightly because a.) I wasn't planning on loading or messing with these weapons beyond a few seconds out of the cabinet each and b.) my father is one of those guys who made sure I never forgot the rules of gun safety. He always warned me about being stupid with firearms and to never forget to unload a weapon when it was not being used, so I didn't assume the shotgun would have anything in the chamber. I still made sure I wasn't aiming the gun in the direction of any homes or irreplacable items. That rule is more muscle memory than anything to me at this point. I won't even point toy airsoft guns at people unless we're using them for their intended purpose.
Anyway, I quickly cleaned up the mess and surveyed the damage. Because my mind worked enough to make sure that I at least didn't shoot anything valuable, the damage was pretty minimal, at least as far as shooting a shotgun in the house went. I had blown a hole clean through my dad's pillow and a box of lightbulbs, knicked his alarm clock, and blew a dent into the wood siding on his wall. I went into crazy-fast "fix everything quick before anyone finds out" mode and managed to actually replace the siding on the wall in less than an hour (we have a bunch of leftover planks from when we did it a few years ago). Luckily the shot wasn't powerful enough to go through the wood, so no further damage apart from the siding. I still ended up telling my dad the next day what had happened, and instead of beating me to death with a rusty chain like I was sure he was going to do, he just sat there in silence for few minutes before telling me to just go while he checked the rest of the guns. Turned out he had left the gun loaded when he, get this, was using it to scare off some people who had started sneaking into our yard a week after our house was broken into. We're deep in the sticks, miles from town, so that stereotypical Appalachian mindset starts to set in when your property is being threatened with him. He'd load the gun with a shot or two, go outside, and shoot it into the ground to scare them off. The last time he had done this, about 2 months earlier, he forgot to take the shells out of the gun and to turn the safety off.
So what did I learn from my little idiot moment? Never forget the rules of gun safety, no matter how safe you think the situation is. I was just lucky no one was home when I did this. Also, my dad is apparently where I get it from.
tl;dr - Don't trust me or my dad with a gun.
Took some pictures of the damage to remember my stupidity.
http://imgur.com/a/QYcN0
LilleTusindfryd: Just to read that you think safety and guns go together is ridiculous.
Sommyommy: Only if you're super ignorant or a dumbass I guess.
r3m0t: Well look, this guy is oh-so-well-trained about gun control, and so is his dad, yet this still happened? Thankfully he didn't point it at anything, but clearly it occasionally happens that all the mistakes in this post were made, *plus* the gun is pointed at something that it really shouldn't be pointed at.
Hatweed: Guns are *always* pointed at something they shouldn't be pointed at. The moral of my stupidity is be careful. Shit can happen when you least expect it.
r3m0t: All true. Gun safety means increasing the safety of guns. But even with gun safety, it's a lot less safe than, say, never owning or handling a gun. So I think the previous poster was accurate when they said safety and guns don't go together.
Edit: You're already a careful person. Even careful people occasionally slip up. "Be careful" is therefore meaningless advice that doesn't eliminate misfirings and other accidents.
TriMageRyan: >But even with gun safety, it's a lot less safe than, say, never owning or handling a gun.
Well that's just an absolutely ridiculous notion. It's like saying the safest sex is abstinence, if you're not reckless it can very easily be safe in the same sense anything else can be safe such as knives and power tools.
r3m0t: Your analogy is both incorrect and irrelevant.
It's incorrect because the purpose of the gun was to improve safety, same as most gun ownership. It failed at this. If the primary objective of sex were "not getting STDs" I would say it fails at that too. If the sole purpose of knives is to avoid chopping your fingers off, they're pretty shit at it.
It's irrelevant because sex is a human need, and owning deadly weapons is, AFAIK, not.
[deleted]: I'm replying to a very old comment, but a couple points here.
1: Guns and safety do go together. Someone is protecting you, with a gun. You live in a country with a standing army and police force, do not lie to me.
2: Accidents happen. This does not need to be explained. It just is.
3: Guns are a human need, unless you don't view defense of yourself as a human need. Enjoy being at the mercy of whoever is physically superior to you if anyone decides to one day pick a fight with you, rob you, or hurt anyone you know.
r3m0t: > 1: Guns and safety do go together. Someone is protecting you, with a gun. You live in a country with a standing army and police force, do not lie to me.
I was talking about guns in the hands of ordinary people like OP. Army and police force members don't casually inspect guns that are handed down to them for pure entertainment.
> 2: Accidents happen. This does not need to be explained. It just is.
Indeed, and that's exactly my point. Everybody should realise that they can perform accidents, and weigh the downsides of owning a gun. There is no point saying that "I'll be careful so there won't be any accident". OP thinks the moral is "be careful. Shit can happen when you least expect it.". I think the moral is if he had weighed the downsides he would realise there is no need to ever own a gun for self defense or use it outside of a sporting context.
> 3: Guns are a human need, unless you don't view defense of yourself as a human need. Enjoy being at the mercy of whoever is physically superior to you if anyone decides to one day pick a fight with you, rob you, or hurt anyone you know.
If my ability to defend myself is a human need isn't the safety of my attacker also a human need? A US telephone survey found that half of "defensive gun uses" were probably illegal - even going by the recollection and description provided by the user. Another quarter were probably legal. I may not like being robbed but that doesn't give me the right to severely injure my attacker. Well, [except in Texas.](http://www.chron.com/news/houston-texas/article/Texas-justifiable-homicides-rise-with-Castle-3676412.php)
How do you measure what constitutes a human need? There are plenty of nations of citizens who are just as happy as Americans but don't have the option of carrying a gun.
Besides, if you look at the chances of injuring a bystander, or somebody else in your household deciding to play with your gun or use it in a suicide, it just doesn't make sense to exercise this supposed "human need".
[deleted]: >Army and police force members don't casually inspect guns that are handed down to them for pure entertainment
Army and police are just as susceptible to human error as OP.
>If my ability to defend myself is a human need isn't the safety of my attacker also a human need?
Not when your attacker is attempting to kill you, or is doing something that has the potential to kill you.
>A US telephone survey
Citation needed.
>There are plenty of nations of citizens who are just as happy as Americans but don't have the option of carrying a gun.
Yes, and that doesn't imply that the United States is therefore wrong for having a different stance, nor does it imply if they were allowed to carry a gun there would be more downsides to benefit.
>Besides, if you look at the chances of injuring a bystander
Are police less susceptible to this? Look it up, you'll see.
>or somebody else in your household deciding to play with your gun or use it in a suicide
Notice how OP had his locked up, as a lot of gun owners do. Many people don't also commit suicide unless driven by motive, I've never seen someone who was perfectly happy see a gun and suddenly decide to kill themselves. The problem is not in the method it's in the fact they want to commit suicide themselves.
>How do you measure what constitutes a human need?
When people have the ability to stop something like this happening. As in, protection of themselves and freedom of security, which is not guaranteed by police, as no police force is all knowing, seeing, or powerful.
http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=fc8_1187887010
r3m0t: > Army and police are just as susceptible to human error as OP.
So people like OP who don't need it to do their duty, shouldn't have guns. Also, those people have more training than OP and continue to train unlike OP.
> Not when your attacker is attempting to kill you, or is doing something that has the potential to kill you.
And people with guns may be more likely to go into unsafe situations thinking they can handle it.. and people may think they have an attacker attempting to kill them, but are mistaken. Their belief may even be reasonable (i.e. given all the information they have any reasonable person would reach the same conclusion) but they are still wrong.
> Citation needed.
http://www.hsph.harvard.edu/hicrc/firearms-research/gun-threats-and-self-defense-gun-use-2/ points 4 to 6 and the study behind point 4.
> Yes, and that doesn't imply that the United States is therefore wrong for having a different stance, nor does it imply if they were allowed to carry a gun there would be more downsides to benefit.
I am questioning your claim of a human need. Is it only American humans that have a "need" for self defence with guns? What makes them special? Anyway, I am just questioning OP's need to own a gun, not recommending a strategy for a country that already has a crazy large number of guns.
> Are police less susceptible to this? Look it up, you'll see.
Well police in my country (UK) don't ordinarily carry guns, or they are locked up in their car. So it doesn't really matter whether they're less susceptible, as they (and all of us) simply have access to guns less often.
> Notice how OP had his locked up, as a lot of gun owners do.
No, he didn't. He unlocked it to "compare its weight". And again, mistakes happen. Guns are accidentally left unlocked, people assume their kids don't know where the guns/keys are stored, or they assume they will be awake to defend their keyring, etc.
> Many people don't also commit suicide unless driven by motive, I've never seen someone who was perfectly happy see a gun and suddenly decide to kill themselves. The problem is not in the method it's in the fact they want to commit suicide themselves.
People don't commit suicide unless they have the means and the knowledge of the means. Somebody being suicidal is one problem, them completing a suicide attempt is a much bigger problem. Do you leave your door unlocked because "if somebody really wants to burgle me, a lock won't stop them"? "The true problem is that they want to steal things"?
There is no perfect cure for suicide ideation. Suicidal people will always exist, we should manage our society under that assumption, not reject solutions because they are incomplete or "only treat the symptoms, not the problem".
> When people have the ability to stop something like this happening. As in, protection of themselves and freedom of security, which is not guaranteed by police, as no police force is all knowing, seeing, or powerful. (Woman raped during 911 call).
The singular of anecdote is not data, nor is it sensible public policy.
[deleted]: >implying the police have a duty to protect people
Bwahaha wow, here you go.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Warren_v._District_of_Columbia
Regardless, if the polices duty to protect, the civilian has the same need to protect themselves.
>is America the only country that has a need for self defense
No, it's just one of the few that allows that right to be regulated by the civilian population, instead of excluding it to the police or military.
>UK
Oh the country that reports crimes entirely different to the United States? Is a comparison to be drawn here to point out that American is supposedly worse? Maybe you should look at the areas with high gun control, as in major cities with extremely high crime rates compared to the rest of the country.
>There is no perfect cure for suicide ideation. Suicidal people will always exist, we should manage our society under that assumption, not reject solutions because they are incomplete or "only treat the symptoms, not the problem".
So suicide will stop because guns are out of their hands? No. If you would like to back this assertion with something go ahead, otherwise it's your opinion.
>The singular of anecdote is not data
Neither is your false thought that guns cause more accidents than they do help.
http://www.uphs.upenn.edu/ficap/resourcebook/pdf/monograph.pdf
Page 7. Number of firearm related accidental shootings is incredibly low.
r3m0t: > implying the police have a duty to protect people
OK, "to do what they are paid to do". Happy now? Just because they are not liable for being bad at their job, doesn't mean it isn't their job.
> Oh the country that reports crimes entirely different to the United States? Is a comparison to be drawn here to point out that American is supposedly worse?
When adjustments are made for the different criteria (by picking the crimes with the closest definitions, eg homicide), America is in fact worse, as far as I know. In fact, the chances any intruder or mugger will be armed are far less for me, because it carries higher sentences with little benefit to the criminal, and because merely being found to carry a gun is cause for arrest.
> Maybe you should look at the areas with high gun control, as in major cities with extremely high crime rates compared to the rest of the country.
Again, I'm talking about OP's individual decision to have a gun (in fact, two guns!) rather than population-level. But ok, did you consider that the gun control might be instituted *because* of the high crime? Not to mention the impossibility of effective gun control when you have an open border to the rest of the country?
> So suicide will stop because guns are out of their hands? No. If you would like to back this assertion with something go ahead, otherwise it's your opinion.
OK... "stop" is a very all-or-nothing term. What about reduce?
> People who have ready access to a firearm are almost twice as likely to be killed and three times likelier to commit suicide than those without a gun available in the home or from a neighbor or friend, a new study has concluded. [study](http://annals.org/article.aspx?articleid=1814426)
Some choice quotes:
> Betz and colleagues (52) found that adolescents with firearm access were no more likely to have suicidal thoughts or a suicide plan in the past 12 months than those without firearm access. However, among adolescents with a suicide plan, those with a firearm in the home were more than 7 times more likely to have a plan involving firearms than those without a firearm in the home ... When considering suicides by nonfirearm methods in the identified literature, researchers have generally found reduced odds of suicide completion by any means other than a firearm, comparing firearm accessibility (odds ratio range, 0.68 to 0.90)
How about this other study?
> we estimate that a 1 percentage point increase in the household gun ownership rate leads to a .5 to .9% increase in suicides... when gun ownership decreases other methods of suicide increase. Substitution among methods is not perfect, however, so when gun ownership decreases we see a big decrease in gun-suicide and a substantial but less than fully compensating increase in non-gun suicide so a net decrease in the number of suicides.
> Our econometric results are consistent with the literature on suicide which finds that suicide is often a rash and impulsive decision–most people who try but fail to commit suicide do not recommit at a later date–as a result, small increases in the cost of suicide can dissuade people long enough so that they never do commit suicide. [source](http://marginalrevolution.com/marginalrevolution/2013/11/firearms-and-suicides-in-us-states.html). [study](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S014481881300077X).
> Neither is your false thought that guns cause more accidents than they do help.
Hmm, I wonder what we would see if figure 6 (the suicides in particular) were superimposed onto [the rate of gun ownership](http://www.gallup.com/poll/1645/guns.aspx).
> Page 7. Number of firearm related accidental shootings is incredibly low.
FYI, I looked for the overall measures (instead of 15-24), I got: 121,000 accidental injuries per year, 600 by firearms [source](http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nvsr/nvsr61/nvsr61_04.pdf).
Really, because it looks incredibly high to me, unless you think those firearm accidents will be substituted by non-firearm accidents? Also, how does this show they cause more accidents *than they help*?
Just to clarify, I don't think it's worth not owning a gun over that rate of injury alone, however considering the other factors, why own a gun?
[deleted]:
>however considering the other factors, why own a gun?
Because the chance of injury is very low, suicide and injury can be prevented by taking certain measures and educating yourself, and there's nothing that comes close to being as effective for defending yourself. You could argue the removal of firearms from yourself could make you safer, provided you know nothing is going to happen that is going to justify owning that gun. OP's also expressed that he hunts, which is another valid reason for owning firearms. And really, it doesn't matter whether you own one or twenty unless you have more laying out or they are stolen. (Which will practically never happen with a good safe)
>Really, because it looks incredibly high to me
600 is nowhere near incredibly high. It can be reduced, by treating the problem of gun safety. You could argue removing guns will reduce this, in the same way you could argue removing cars will reduce car accidents.
>But ok, did you consider that the gun control might be instituted because of the high crime? Not to mention the impossibility of effective gun control when you have an open border to the rest of the country?
Have you considered gang violence and the fact that these major cities are near impossible to enforce everything going in and out entirely, while still maintaining any semblance of freedom of movement or trade? You can say that you could enforce everything and take away all the guns, and this would reduce crime... however this requires you to actually be able to enforce it with certainty, hoping that law abiding citizens will give their guns away and not be in danger from criminals. (This is next to impossible in poor areas of major cities.)
And these statistics showing people are more likely to be killed or commit suicide because they have a gun, does not imply that it is an explicit increase when you bring a gun into your home. Otherwise this would be a very well used tactic by criminals. Simply put a gun in someones basement and blammo, look at those rates increase.
But that's false. Someone actually has to have the gun and do something with it. The argument then falls on whether you should be treating problems with suicide and homicide, or simply attempting to disarm everyone so no one is going to possibly use it towards these means. One of these is fixing the problem while not bringing new ones, the other is fixing one problem while introducing a new set of problems on top of it.
r3m0t: > suicide and injury can be prevented by taking certain measures and educating yourself, and there's nothing that comes close to being as effective for defending yourself.
Moving country is an effective way of defending yourself. Ha ha, just kidding. But what education interventions have actually been shown to be helpful in the past? And I don't mean the sort of course only interested people go on, but something which attempts to be appropriate for every citizen (or every gun owner, or every shotgun owner, or similar).
> 600 is nowhere near incredibly high. It can be reduced, by treating the problem of gun safety. You could argue removing guns will reduce this, in the same way you could argue removing cars will reduce car accidents.
Well, removing cars *would* reduce car accidents. The economic cost, however, is too high. The benefit of having guns around (on a nationwide level) is uncertain at best.
What do you suggest to treat the problem of gun safety? Perhaps a longer waiting period for people unwilling to take a gun safety course?
> Have you considered gang violence and the fact that these major cities are near impossible to enforce everything going in and out entirely, while still maintaining any semblance of freedom of movement or trade?
Yes, actually I explicitly mentioned it earlier. "the impossibility of effective gun control when you have an open border to the rest of the country". I also read this while researching today:
> evidence implies that many of mentally ill who are determined to get firearms will wind up "jurisdiction shopping". After Virginia started reporting its mental health records to NICS, 378 of the 438 those denied guns because of a Virginia mental health record were trying to purchase a firearm in another state.
Solutions have to be country-wide.
> however this requires you to actually be able to enforce it with certainty, hoping that law abiding citizens will give their guns away and not be in danger from criminals
Theoretically speaking, if you make merely carrying a gun in public a crime, *and* you make the sentences much harsher when a gun is involved, then career criminals will not want to carry guns. That removes the robberies, muggings etc and just leaves the unhinged and the crimes of passion or spite - murderers, rapists. I do agree it is difficult to transition to a gun-free society, even though the end result is better than a gun-filled one.
> And these statistics showing people are more likely to be killed or commit suicide because they have a gun, does not imply that it is an explicit increase when you bring a gun into your home.
I can understand the being killed part - danger of being attacked affects perception of danger. Perception of danger affects gun ownership.
However, what other explanation do you have for the suicides? Or are you merely saying, "correlation is not causation" and throwing your arms in the air? There was quite a clear causative path described above. Suicidal people with access to guns tend to plan to use guns instead of making other plans. Plans with guns are more likely to be completed than other plans. And obviously, less than 100% of the survivors of suicide attempts will reattempt. Hence, the access to the gun increases their chance of dying by suicide.
> Otherwise this would be a very well used tactic by criminals. Simply put a gun in someones basement and blammo, look at those rates increase.
This is so stupid it doesn't merit a response.
> Someone actually has to have the gun and do something with it. The argument then falls on whether you should be treating problems with suicide and homicide, or simply attempting to disarm everyone so no one is going to possibly use it towards these means. One of these is fixing the problem while not bringing new ones, the other is fixing one problem while introducing a new set of problems on top of it.
I think the question here is the magnitude of the problems, which is obviously what we disagree on. If I may use another analogy like the leave-your-door-unlocked one, imagine there were no taxes. Somebody comes to you and says, "we could fund hospitals and improve all sorts of things with taxes". You say, "the true problem is that people are being greedy by not contributing to the charities that do those things. Introducing taxes will just create new problems."
Clearly although some sort of ad campaign might increase donations, there will always be some people who would choose not to donate. On the other hand, by imposing tax law on people you remove their very ability to not contribute. Contributions go up, hospitals get built. Taxes do create problems, but they solve problems too. I don't think there's any method that could collect as much money as taxes, and I don't think there's anything that would reduce suicides and violent conflict in the US more than cracking down on guns.
[deleted]: >Suicidal people with access to guns tend to plan to use guns instead of making other plans. Plans with guns are more likely to be completed than other plans. And obviously, less than 100% of the survivors of suicide attempts will reattempt. Hence, the access to the gun increases their chance of dying by suicide.
Is this significant enough to credit removal of firearms from people? You have to weight both sides. The U.S suicide rate is not extremely high, and is actually very close to the UK on a global comparison, only a few places above it. The national strategy for suicide prevention has stated very obtainable means of reducing suicide without just going after one tool used to commit them. If you're so ardent that guns are the problem then so be it, but do not think that an entire reworking of the countries infrastructure and laws in order to remove one convenient tool used for suicide instead of increasing funding for mental health care or providing programs for more for suicide prevention is going to be taken seriously.
>That removes the robberies, muggings etc and just leaves the unhinged and the crimes of passion or spite
Did you just imply crime is only committed with firearms?
r3m0t: I am still interested in the information about education courses and safety measures by the way. I am not just here to argue with you.
> Is this significant enough to credit removal of firearms from people? You have to weight both sides.
Well if a one percentage point increase in firearm ownership causes a .5 to .9% increase in suicides, then... maybe? However, a decrease in firearm ownership doesn't have to be done by removing firearms. You could increase taxes on guns, require background checks in private transfers (which reduces the resale value due to the added cost of selling), create public education campaigns that make people realise they shouldn't own a gun without X large number of hours of training (preferably if this is true!!) and any number of other policies. I don't think *ignoring* firearms and aiming at mental health makes sense when firearm access is [such a big factor](http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2013/09/04/new-study-gun-ownership-not-suicidal-behavior-is-strongest-predictor-of-death-by-suicide).
> The U.S suicide rate is not extremely high, and is actually very close to the UK on a global comparison, only a few places above it.
A very good point.
> If you're so ardent that guns are the problem then so be it, but do not think that an entire reworking of the countries infrastructure and laws in order to remove one convenient tool used for suicide instead of increasing funding for mental health care or providing programs for more for suicide prevention is going to be taken seriously.
I don't see it as either-or. Clearly the second amendment isn't about to be repealed, but gun advocates should be considering sensible measures that may reduce gun access, like higher taxes on guns, rather than downplaying all the negative effects.
> Did you just imply crime is only committed with firearms?
No, why do you always come in with this all-or-nothing reasoning? It's so disingenuous and tiring. Firearm crime is more violent and easier to perform than non-firearm crime. As above, people without easy access to guns attempt less firearm suicides, and attempt more non-firearm suicides, yet on balance they commit suicide less, partly because the firearm is more effective. The same could be true for crime.
At least you are showing some hesitation this time, as though you realise how ridiculous your extrapolation is.
[deleted]: I apologize if I fly off the handle at times, I have unsettled anger problems that can lead to a lot of impulsive statements.
Education and safety measures involves, keeping it simple, more education and emphasis on safety for firearms, which may not affect suicide rates but can affect stolen firearms and accidental deaths. Tax rebates on buying a gun safe, cheaper/ more widely available/ and longer safety courses, additional training...
>The same could be true for crime
Except this is not the case, as statistics show. The point of suicide is evidently true (In the US), but simply looking at basic statistics of crime rates and comparing them to gun rates, you'll quickly find that the two often have very little to do with each other if at all, and the same goes for rates of gun control. Australia has had a 5 percent increase in crime in recent years despite their stricter gun control, Russia and Mexico are obvious examples of this. The US has crime and homicide rates being reduced for over 2 decades now.
>create public education campaigns that make people realise they shouldn't own a gun without X large number of hours of training
You'd be surprised the number of officers that qualify for carrying on duty while only firing 50 shots a year. I'm not saying that they should be having a gun, but actually determine how long someone needs to "train" before they can use a gun in a life or death situation is no easy answer and any arbitrary number of hours slapped on isn't going to solve much besides reducing ownership rates. Not entirely opposed to the idea but the practice.
And I'm not entirely against reducing the rates, but a problem arises in the people who often need access to firearms more than anyone, poor minorities in cities riddled with drugs and gang violence. Longer waiting periods, additional taxation, any measure that can reduce firearm ownership rates is also going to adversely affect the people who arguably have more of a reason to own one than anyone else.
| 19 | 48.421053 | |
1385534108 | 1385561692 | null | t5_2to41 | 11 | itsjusttoored: TIFU by making a throwaway
So, just yesterday, I accomplished something incredible. It was also something incredibly disgusting, so I decided to post about my success on the appropriate subreddit using a throwaway account.
Unfortunately, this turned into my most upvoted post in my entire time on reddit, appearing on the front page of this subreddit and gaining a plethora of comments.
Then, after making a penis joke, I was given gold. *Gold.* **Gold.** I got **GOLD** on my *bloody* throwaway for the first time, having never received gold before for my subtler jokes.
But no. Gold on my throwaway.
Fuck, man.
irGoodman: I FUCKED UP BY GETTING GOLD AND KARMA
itsjusttoored: ON THE WRONG ACCOUNT BRO
I'M BOTH HAPPY MY PENIS JOKE WAS AWESOME, AND SAD I MADE IT AT THE WRONG TIME
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1385545887 | 1385562984 | null | t5_2to41 | 29 | ChChChChia119: TIFU by letting loose.
Not using a throw away because, well, I honestly don't care.
So, I decided to take a shower and "let loose" (if you know what I mean) before jumping in. Well, long story short, my sister walked in while I was leg spread and everything. Hopefully, she didn't see because I shut the door really fast, but I'm pretty sure she did. Boy, tomorrow's breakfast is going to be super awkward.
MrGrieves123: You masturbated in the bathroom... Welcome to the rest of humanity.
IntrinsicSurgeon: That doesn't mean she wants her sister to see.
| 3 | 9.666667 | |
1385545732 | 1385657063 | null | t5_2to41 | 103 | gugland: TIFU by digging out a wedgie
Not a major FU, but mildly amusing:
My boss showed up to do my annual review. We're rather informal - it's not a "sit in opposing chairs across a desk" situation. He spends most of his time driving, so he prefers to stand. I work on my feet, so I sit on the table.
When we're done talking, he starts putting his paperwork back in his dayplanner, and I slide off the table. I reach back to dig out the resulting wedgie, and just as I get 3 fingers in my ass crack, I notice he's standing there holding out his hand for me to shake.
I wasn't sure what to do, so I went ahead and shook his hand. He gave a knowing nod as if to say "we'll just pretend that never happened."
Coolest boss ever.
notgayinathreeway: Should have shook with your off-hand and put your finger to his lips and went "shhhhhh" and walked away.
TwistedAngelus: agreed
| 3 | 34.333333 | |
1385557995 | 1385745809 | null | t5_2to41 | 25 | BlackFalcon321: TIFU and possibly screwed up my entire social life.
I am a student in a very religious school, I am not religious myself but I'll skip straight to the point.
It was our last period and our teacher allowed us to play a game,
It just HAD to be Charades...
So it came to my turn but I refused and they just kept taunting me and telling me I should be a man and do it, It went to the point that I just stood up, picked up my friend and threw him face first into the wall.
I then proceeded to rant how I don't want to play and just started yelling and telling them to shut up but they wouldn't.
So it came to the point where I had to yell at the top of my lungs for them to shut up, The entire freaking building heard it.
Fast forward 3 hours later I get pulled into the guidance councilor's office and given a lecture that I shouldn't have yelled at them and people have worse lives than me, Yeah like that's supposed to help?
The very next day as I walk in the door (What I am about to tell you is 100% true.)ALMOST EVERYBODY panics and just runs out the other door onto the cat walk leaving me alone in the room with just me, the class president and my best friend.
They both explain that after my outbreak yesterday everybody is scared of me, even the people from other classes.
tl;dr: lost my shit, now most feared person in my entire grade.
Fuzzmustard: Well to be fair...slamming someone into a wall cause you don't want to play is a bit of an over reaction. I mean imagine what would happen if you had waited in line at the DMV for 3 hours only to be told that the copy of your property tax return is not proof of residency.
What you should have done was claim you were doing an impersonation of the hulk or a paranoid schizophrenic in the midst of a psychotic episode. Think on your feet man!
BlackFalcon321: If that happens I'd just be calm, it's not their fault it's mine.
Wiffernubbin: Dude, you assaulted someone over charades. Get help.
BlackFalcon321: I can't, nobody sees whats beyond the curtain.
palindrex: And what is beyond the curtain?
BlackFalcon321: Actually I would rather not talk about it.
palindrex: Right, this is not the place. But you should really get some counseling.
If somethink is behind a curtain, there's a reason no one is able or allowed to see that, so better get that checked.
| 8 | 3.125 | |
1385593447 | 1385652609 | null | t5_2to41 | 1,083 | [deleted]: TIFU by buying Skyrim
So, I've had Skyrim for Xbox since it came out. I only started playing games on PC about a year ago and I've only really played the Total War Series and Far Cry 3. Last night I was playing Skyrim and watching videos of it on YouTube. The ones from PC just blew me away. With the graphics and mods it's really not the same experience. I've had a bit of money saved up (I can only afford to buy maybe 2 games a year and only after they've been out for awhile, college yo) so I decided I would treat myself and buy Skyrim on steam. I only got to play for about an hour before I had to go to bed (flew home today) but it was so AWESOME.
Then I login to Steam today and what do I see? Skyrim, which I'd paid $29.99 for last night is now on sale for $7.99 this afternoon.
I can't really blame myself because I didn't know but every dollar matters when you're balling on a ramen every night budget :/
**EDIT**: Holy shit, I was not expecting this to blow up overnight the way it did. Guys, seriously, I'm okay. I appreciate all the gifts and kind words and stuff but there are a LOT of people out there who need more help than I do. Donate to your local homeless shelter, Amnesty International, Humane Society, etc. Or just call a friend and tell them you appreciate them! You guys are all AWESOME!
WeaponexT: I would contact them and ask that they refund the difference. Worse case scenario they say no.
Mshotts: Yeah I did that and they said no. It's okay though. It's a really beautiful game :)
WeaponexT: Sorry buddy
Mshotts: It's okay, I was okay with paying $29.99 before the sale and I'm still okay paying that after the sale.
Sureiyaa: At least you've learned a lesson.
Seriously, *never* buy Steam games at full price.
UOUPv2: I made that mistake my first time. Civ 5 plus Gods & Kings 2 hours before it became a daily deal.
GhastlyBespoke: One time I was visiting family out of town, and I had some money to spare, so I went down and bought a game in a store that is cheaper out of town (Spec Ops: The Line), because it was the same price as steam, and I may as well, this saves bandwidth. Came back and the week that I was gone it was the fucking midweek thing. Oh well, it was about a $10 difference, but still. Never buy a full price steam game.
UOUPv2: We could have all used [this]( http://i.imgur.com/WT2Atap.png) my friend...
GhastlyBespoke: Worst part was, it wasn't even a holiday sale. This was about in January. It was sheer coincidence that I missed out the one week it was on sale. Oh well, it still was an amazing game.
| 10 | 108.3 | |
1385594984 | 1385785242 | null | t5_2to41 | 31 | NedryOS: TIFU by clearing my sinuses in the bathroom.
##Background
I've had some pretty bad sinus issues for going on a month now. Between my inability to breath and severe sinus migraines, it's been hell. I've been on some supposedly high-quality anti-biotics as well as pain medication from the gods themselves. I've also spent some time away from my house, hoping it was allergies (dogs + dust galore at home) or maybe some fungus in the house. Unfortunately, I'm still the same as I was when it started, but now I'm at my grandma's for a week. One of my aunts and her family are also living here because of financial troubles and because my grandparents are getting old.
Our bathroom layout is kinda important to the story as well. It looks kinda like this:
. ______
. W|D S T|
. |L B B|
. -------
where W is the window, D is the door, S is the sink T is the toilet L is the linen closet (towels/medicine/other junk) B is the bath. The back of the sink and toilet are on the same wall as the door, the top wall, and the drain and shower head are on the right wall. The linen closet upens towards the door. Oh, and there's a garbage can between the sink and toilet.
##Today
I was feeling really out of it this morning, worse than before actually. I felt like I had pneumonia, and did cough up a bit of liquid. I'm assuming it was mucus but who really knows. Regardless, I woke up late this morning, had some breakfast and went to lay back down for a bit. After a little bit of screwing around on the computer, I fell asleep again. When I woke up, I had to pee.
##I Fucked Up
I walked out of my bedroom and straight to the bathroom. The door was open and light was on, but that's normal for this house. First thing I did when walking in the door was start coughing and trying to clear some shit from my throat. Standing front of the sink I bet over spit some chunks into the garbage can. With my head still pretty much over the closed toilet, I did a full breath snort to try and get more cleared.
##Instant regret.
I could smell, tasted, and feel pure diarrea throughout my body. I assume someone clogged the toilet and left it. I started throwing up immediately, spewing all over the toilet. I knew that the toilet was the problem, so opening it up and puking into it would have only made it worse, and the trash was full, so I pulled back the curtain and puked into the bathtub.I couldn't stop myself puking long enough to leave the bathroom. Every time I got close to stopping, I couldn't catch my breath without smelling more shit and puking again.
After about two minutes of this, I had lost enough breath that I was close to passing out so I tried to force myself to get out the door. Unfortunately, I really, really, fucked up and slipped backwards into the corner of the sink which then resulted in me puking all over the open linen closet. I couldn't keep myself stand after that, and fell sideways through the open door right at my aunt's feet. I was wheezing, coughing, and dribbling vomit literally on her shoes.
Rather than helping me, she started screaming at me. "What the fuck NedryOS? You ruined the bathroom!" At that point, if I had any energy left in me, I would have killed her. Finally out of the stink, I was able to sorta catch my breath again and after another minute or two I was able to stand and move myself into the kitchen. I just sat there for a few minutes looking like I had been pepper sprayed: eyes watering, face all blotchy, breathing hard, and trying not to vomit.
My aunt said some more shit to me that I don't remember but was probably exceedingly retarded. Rather than dealing with them right then, I changed my clothes, cleaned myself up and left. I'm sure I'm going to catch some shit, but I just can't deal with them.
so. TIFU.
TL;DR: snorted liquid shit and puked all over the bathroom.
Deidara77: What a shitty day.
delay_condition: What a shitty aunt.
Vigilax: Seriously...that bitch can go ahead and clean up OP's puke. With her tongue.
analcuntisagoodband: Full toungue to anus, 480 pix, brazzers logo.
| 5 | 6.2 | |
1385597299 | 1385638292 | null | t5_2to41 | 28 | Chrisdarcy: TIFU by smashing my head
So today was the first snowfall of the year where i live. I hate the cold, but love the snow anyway, some buddies and i were outside at lunch throwing some snow balls around. I hit my friend in the face, nbd.
Suddenly, he and four of our friends pick up some snow and begin running full tilt towards me. Being the kind of act-before-you-think-kind-of-guy, i decided to spin around quickly and run the opposite direction. Sounds reasonable?
There was a sign there. Not one of those "keep of grass" kind of signs but, like a full on bastard kind of sign. My forehead and this sign had a bit of a run-in. Lying on the ground, my friends killing themselves laughing and my forehead bleeding out like nobody's business.
Fast forward 4 hours...
I'm at home and there is a 3 inch cut on my forehead and the goose egg i have is like a golf ball. Damn.
tl;dr: threw a snowball, hit a sign.
edit: grammer
twynkletoes: have you thought about changing your name to Kanye?
Chrisdarcy: no, why? is there a reference i missed?
ThatDidntJustHappen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=puNuSUY5R68
Archyel: Seems like he wasn't at his Kanye Best!
But in all seriousness, poor Kanye...
| 5 | 5.6 | |
1385625876 | 1385688929 | null | t5_2to41 | 32 | NewAndAwesome: TIFU By handcuffing my arm.
Okay so I have this pair of handcuffs I still do and it is still on my arm, I like to mess around with them and cuff them to my arms occasionally. I cuffed it on my arm to realize "oh shit where is the key?!" I looked around nearly an hour before giving up, After that I tried To pick the lock, Unsuccessfully. Then I tried to break the lock, Unsuccessfully. Lastly I had to use a Dremmel to cut off part of the lock then jam a bobby pin into the spring mechanism to get part of the handcuffs off. And now Here I am now tomorrow I need to go to the police to get them to un-cuff me.
Today I fucked up by Losing a goddamn key to a handcuff thing that I've had for years.
Linked to the picture down in the comments.
Edit: Fucking phone.
courtoftheair: Are they police issue or a sex toy? Try cutting the hinge-pin. I assume you've already tried brute force.
Pandabamse: one dosen't necessary exclude the other ;)
courtoftheair: Oh I'm well aware, but the majority of people don't play as hard as me. Besides, you know the ones I mean. Flimsy and possibly furred. Nasty things.
panic_bread: If that's what they were, I'm sure he would have been able to get them off by now.
courtoftheair: Not necessarily. They have a habit of releasing when you don't want them to and refusing when you do.
| 6 | 5.333333 | |
1385625416 | 1385648831 | null | t5_2to41 | 17 | [deleted]: TIFU by going the same speed as the police officer in front of me
I'll start this by saying I realize I was in the wrong and that two wrongs don't make a right.
Today I was driving home for Thanksgiving when I ended up behind a highway patrolman. The speed limit was 55 and I was probably going 64 before I caught up to him. After I got behind him I noticed he started going 70. I figured "well if he's going 70 and not using his lights then it must be alright for me to go a little faster," so I did. Apparently that isn't the case.
After maybe 10 seconds or so, he signaled he was pulling over. I don't know why but I thought he wanted me to pass so that I wouldn't feel obligated not to pass him. My thinking with this is that people are afraid to pass police because they don't want a ticket even if the policeman is going slowly, so I assume they pull over every once in a while so people can pass without feeling like they're going to get a ticket.
As he pulled back on the road I waved as a thank you because I actually thought he did it to do me a favor. Nope. A few seconds later, the lights came on. I pulled over and he just said to go slower, no ticket.
After it happened I felt like an idiot for thinking it was okay for me to speed up as he did and think he was letting me pass but lesson learned.
Deserett: Smiled at a cop going 10 over, he was so confused he just sat there and didn't come after me.
5 miles grace is a good rule to stick by!
T045T3R0V3N: 9 you're fine, 10 you're mine.
| 3 | 5.666667 | |
1385635958 | 1385662925 | null | t5_2to41 | 119 | LewisLewis: TIFU by spilling a huge puddle of Barq's root beer all over my bed.
Alright so earlier last night while at work my wife texted me with the idea of a root beer float she had been craving, and I agreed to pick up the stuffs on the way home like a good hunter/gatherer. I get home and put things away for later, only to be forgotten about after we get sucked into a movie and fall asleep together on the couch.
fast forward to a few minutes ago when nature called me awake at 4 a.m. I get up and go take care of business leaving my wife and baby to slumber. Then the idea hits me, why not try for the first time in my life to make my own root beer float... How hard can it be, it's just Haagen Dazs and Barq's, right? I got this.
While in the kitchen I fill a glass 3/4 full of Barq's and then float two good sized scoops of ice cream on top and... Nothing happens, success!
I carry my creation into the bedroom and cozy into the covers for a little late night gluttony session, use the spoon to drive the ice cream down to the bottom of the glass and BOOM! The shit explodes! 2 cups of stable liquid instantly transform into one and a half gallons of sticky foam all over every stitch of fabric we own.
So now here I am sitting on a blank mattress with the first load of bedding on its way through the washing machine and I figure it's the perfect time to share my Nincompoopary with reddit.
TL; DR : tried to make my own root beer float, it exploded all over my bed. Now I'm sitting on a blank mattress with nothing but my own stupidity to keep me warm. Next time add ice cream first then pour soda on top slowly.
CrazyAuron: . . . . why do people eat in bed?
Am I the only one who thinks beds should be for laying down? Food is a no no in the bedroom for me.
Vadersays: Eating, sleeping, and sex all in one convenient place!
CrazyAuron: But the crumbs!
Vadersays: After sex snacks of course!
| 5 | 23.8 | |
1385630596 | 1385671292 | null | t5_2to41 | 10 | Hexous: TIFU By deciding to go downtown to a shop that sells Magic the Gathering cards. Yay for my first car accident!
So two months ago, I bought my first truck. It's a '00 F-150, amazing shape, and low miles for how old it is. I live in a fairly rural area, so I'm not exactly used to driving in high pressure situations.
Today, I made the mistake of going into the city, driving on the narrowest street within 50 miles, and not paying enough attention to the traffic signal.
So I'm driving down a one way street. There are cars parked on the right side of the road, and I'm in the far right lane. Another car is driving directly to my left. The street is narrow enough, and my truck wide enough, that I'm probably riding the white lines on both sides, and I'm desperately to squeeze my truck down the road without scraping anything. As I'm coming up to the intersection, I glance up extremely quickly and see a green light. I instantly drop my eyes back down to my speedometer, then to the road to keep trying not to scrape anything.
Apparently the green light I saw was at the next intersection, because my light was red, and apparently had been for a while. I slide out into the intersection doing about 15-20. At that point I see the lady in the expensive Toyota barreling down on me to my right. The speed limit is 25, and I assume she was doing that, at least. I slam on the brakes and swerve left, hoping to avoid a collision. Unfortunately, she didn't really seem to react to me pulling out in front of her, and bounces off my right front fender.
I stop for a moment to process what just happened. She's in her car panicking. I get her attention, then point towards the parking spots on the side of the street. I pull up ahead and park, then jump out, run back to where she's parked, and ask her if she's hurt. She says she's fine, and dials 911.
The police show up about 2 minutes later. While we're waiting, she gets on the phone and calls a friend who is working nearby to come to where the accident happened.
I go wait by my truck, and a few minutes later one of the officers comes over and asks me what happened. I tell him that I thought I had the green light, and he informs me that the computer in the traffic light, and one of the witnesses all say that the light was red, and I should have stopped. He tells me that the other driver said she was fine, but requested that medics come to check her over, just in case.
He disappears for a few minutes, comes back with a citation for failing to obey a traffic device, and tells me I'm free to leave. I get into my truck, and instantly call my insurance to report the accident. While I'm sitting there talking on the phone, the paramedics show up. I get out and watch as they go down to her vehicle and begin checking her over. After a few minutes, I notice that they're putting a neck brace on her.
I walk down, and ask her friend who had shown up what was going on.
"Oh, she's in extreme pain."
"But she said she was completely fine five minutes ago."
"It's shock, from the adrenaline. It's very common."
I mutter "Cute" and walk away shaking my head. Not only was her friend smiling the entire time she's telling me this, but the woman is lying there on the stretch smiling, laughing, and joking with the paramedics.
----
So that's my fuck-up for the day. Got a ticket, caused thousands of dollars worth of property damage, and caused a prissy rich woman to have ambiguous, unverifiable neck pain.
[Thankfully my rig only took superficial damage.](http://i.imgur.com/gWQGT7N.jpg) I was able to drive 60+ miles home with no issues. No leaks, no drips, no rubbing when I turn. While you're driving, you can't even tell anything happened. Talk about built Ford tough, I guess.
Hers, not so much. I must have dug into her with my tow hook, because not only is the front left corner of her land cruiser all fucked up, but it looked like her wheel was bent in, so I probably bent her axle all to hell.
All because I wanted to go look at some Magic cards. Maybe buy some dice or something. The accident happened only two blocks from the store I was going to, too. Didn't even bother going, afterwards.
I think I'll just stay in my nice, quiet little town from now on. There's only one stop-light here, and the roads are nice and accommodating to larger vehicles.
setmehigh: Get any good cards?
Hexous: Didn't wind up going to the game shop after the accident. Stopped by Wal-Mart after I got home and bought two RTR boosters. Got an Abrupt Decay, and Rakdos, Lord of Riots for my rares.
| 3 | 3.333333 | |
1385654727 | 1385663094 | null | t5_2to41 | 544 | hockeycross: TIFU by sleeping through an important presentation
So I was supposed to give a presentation today at 8 am for my WW1 history class it was worth 30% of the final grade. I have been doing research for this presentation for weeks, I was really prepared. I spent most of yesterday afternoon and last night at a friend in the classes place practicing. Then I went home and got to bed by 12:30 ish and set my alarm for 7am I fell right asleep. I work up today at 10:15!!!!!!!! I am currently in a panic and have not heard from the professor yet. Today was the last day this class meets I have no idea why I did that I even set an alarm and everything. So TIFU.
edit: Just a general update my prof was awesome and I am giving him a private presentation tomorrow morning, he took no grades off. Also in my e-mail to the prof I just straight up said I slept through it too dudes awesome.
edit 2: Nailed it!!! 25/30, man I better help some old ladies across the street and volunteer this holiday season, I think I might have just used up all my good karma
Jaben3421: You have school on Thanksgiving?
random_runner: You do know that there are nearly 200 countries *not* celebrating Thanksgiving at the moment?
Source: I don't live in the US.
RXL: OP's post history suggest that they do indeed live in America. Or possibly Canadian with a huge love of American hockey teams, Colorado especially.
hockeycross: I live in Quebec but thanks for looking that up I guess
rmbarrett: Can you reschedule something like that at a cegep?
hockeycross: Im at Uni I am just waiting to hear back from the Prof I am sure their will be some solution, but Today I really did Fuck up bad.
rmbarrett: I'm 32 and still have nightmares about something like this happening to me when I was in university, mostly because I still have it in me to do something like what you just did. Talk to them, try to work something out. University and adult life is stressful, not to mention that university grades should be purely about the actual performance and that other issues should be accommodated as fairly as possible, in my opinion. I wish you the very best.
| 8 | 68 | |
1385667089 | 1385704432 | null | t5_2to41 | 546 | [deleted]: (Last night) I fucked up by going on a date.
Yesterday, my partner and I went on a date, and it was great. Lunch in a park, attempted to feed demon swans, it was a nice day. It was beautiful, in the mid 60's with a light breeze. Not quite sweater weather. We get back on his motorcycle to head to the movie (Catching Fire). It was getting late but no big deal. By the time the movie got out, it was in the mid 40's out and we're shivering. It's a 40-ish minute ride home on the bike, but no big deal. We do this all the time.
We get about 15 minutes from the theater and the bike starts struggling to go more than 20mph. Oh no. Not good. We pull over, and there's a flat. Shit. I walk to a 7/11 to pick up some Fix-a-Flat and we're back on our way home. It's now 11:30. It's really, really cold. I'm shivering. He's shivering. The temperature is still dropping.
Ten minutes later, we're flat again. Much swearing ensues. I call my dad to see if he can pick us up with the truck to get the bike home. Dad doesn't pick up. We keep calling people but it's late. Most people are in bed. His dad finally picks up, cranky and half asleep. He explains that we're stuck on the side of the road. Mr. SO'sDad says he can't come get us for another several hours as he's far away and needs to wrap up business. He berates his son for being irresponsible. I hate this man. My SO starts crying. No help from his dad.
My mom calls me frantic, asking if we're ok. I talk to her and ask if she can send dad to pick us and the motorcycle up. She talks to him and says he's on his way with sweaters. I could weep with joy, but my tear ducts might be frozen.
I can't feel my toes, and my hands have lost color. Boyfriend's lips are chapped and cracked. It's past midnight, and we're stuck on the side of a highway. A bunch of teenagers in a jeep flick us off. Still no sign of dad. Boyfriend's phone dies. I throw up from the cold.
Dad shows up at 12:40ish with a coat for each of us, and we wrestle the bike into the truck. Dad drops us home by 1:20am, only to find the window left open and my bedroom is cold as it is outside. We're both pissed and tired and went straight to bed.
TL;DR: Today, I'm thankful for sweaters and blankets. And at least one helpful dad.
[deleted]: >I throw up from the cold
uh what
foodstampsz: Glad to reassure that's not a thing, had me second guessing.
SlouchingTiger: When I'm really upset I throw up. That might be it.
cj5rox: Really? Are you usually drunk when upset? That makes more sense
ROFLBRYCE: Stress and anxiety can cause severe stomach pain/nausea. I've felt like puking from that but never have, thankfully.
| 6 | 91 | |
1385438543 | 1385682895 | null | t5_2to41 | 6 | SP1993: TIFU Told my literature ta that I was illiterate
Im currently a third year in college and the last time I wrote an essay since my first year. I've always been pretty terrible at writing and reading in general which is why I am a science major (to this day I question how I was admitted into any school). The reason I suck at writing analytical essays is because I can't analyze text its that simple. I take everything very literal and don't question anything.
My paper was only 800 words so its basically not even a college paper. The same week it was due I had 3 very difficult midterms for my major so I went to my ta and told her how difficult of a week id been having. I told her I sucked at writing and was very illiterate (I meant literal), she immediately began laughing and I didn't know why. I explained how I sucked at analyzing stuff and she just kept laughing. As I was walking out she asked what my major, I said BioPsych and she then said, "That explains everything!"
I then went home really confused as to why she had laughed and told my roommates I had said to her that I suck at reading context clues and said I was illiterate, then began laughing and told me that I had basically told her I couldn't read instead of saying literal.
I almost wanted to send her email and apologize for being half stupid but I couldn't get myself to do it.
TL,DR: Told my ta I was illiterate instead of literal and she didn't correct me.
Randosity42: Sounds like a total bitch.
SP1993: She's actually super cool, she understood me and gave me an A on both essays
| 3 | 2 | |
1385682240 | 1385757603 | null | t5_2to41 | 108 | zackogenic: TIFU by removing something from my computer while it was on
This morning, my dad called me(woke me up) and asked me to take the capture card from my computer over so he could use it for the Macy Parade.(I was borrowing it, this is the one time a year they use it)
So I eventually got up, went to my computer, thought it'd probably be okay if I took it out while the computer was on. I don't know what I was thinking, but I just took the capture card out of the PC, and I think it bumped into the graphics card.
Because the computer immediately restarted and now the fan on the ($160) graphics card isn't spinning, and the screens show nothing.
I'm a dumbass.
Sonic5039: You should remember not to remove non plug and play devices like internal cards in pci slots.
zackogenic: You're right. I should. Also, I work in IT.
benzoic: Wait.. You work in IT? Hahahhagsgahaga.. That makes this like a thousand times more stupid.
zackogenic: Yes. Perhaps I am not very bright for a few minutes after waking up?
benzoic: Haha.. Yeah. We've all done stupid stuff before.. So, thanks for the laugh.
| 6 | 18 | |
1385684364 | 1385699141 | null | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU by dropping the remaining half of a fat ass joint inside of a beer can I was using as an ashtray
[deleted]: Please add some context to your story. You have 24 hours to do so or your post will be removed.
TheJackal8: I love how someone reported your comment.
TheDnBDawl: Isn't the tifu in the title? That would ruin my day..
TheJackal8: It violates rule 5.
TheDnBDawl: Ah, TIL.
| 6 | 0.5 | |
1385686984 | 1385696489 | null | t5_2to41 | 51 | Duckhead96: TIFU by accidentally catching my sisters pajama pants on fire.
Nothing (or anyone) was harmed, other than the pajamas bottoms and my pride.
I picked up my wallet off of the desk and mistakenly moved my my sister pajamas onto a nearby candle. I didn't notice the flames until they were already a few feet high.
I ran the pants outside and my dad stomped then out...
The pajamas we're ruined, and my sister was a little mad, but she's already gotten over it.
And that is the end of my thanksgiving day Pajama Bottom Fire...
majorkev: That's hot.
TheEpicDuck: I'm melting.
| 3 | 17 | |
1385683975 | 1385756199 | null | t5_2to41 | 9 | [deleted]: TIFU by breaking a national proverb
Long story short, I've had a couple of wheels and a couple of studded winter tyres ready for use this winter. I took my dads MB100d with intention to swap front wheels on it, as the rear is already equipped with m+s rubber and front is summer. Anyway, I've never checked if the wheels even fit, but they looked similar and were taken off of another Mercedes Benz van, so I assumed they do. I've got the tyres mounted on them and today got along to swap the wheels. Well, It was going shitty, the jack was giving crap and wheel nuts were rusted on, and I've broken two wrenches. Only when I took a normal 19mm bit with handle, after half an hour kneeling in mud and bruising knuckles, I've managed to get a single wheel loose. And the new wheels didn't even fit. So I now have two broken wrenches, and have to pay for mounting again.
And the proverb? It sounds like this: Measure 9 times, and cut on tenth. For me it was like - Try nine times, and then go to fuck yourself.
Oh, and I got my best friend pissed by talking about penises excessively. A happy fucking day.
TL;DR: Two wheels and a cock.
lethaldevotion92: Get an impact gun
BeerPowered: Kneeling in the mud while swapping wheels has something to do with not being able to afford an air compressor, right?
lethaldevotion92: You don't have a friend who has an air compressor that you could borrow?
BeerPowered: And I'm going to go to search an air compressor and impact gun every time I swap wheels?
Oh and by the way, sometimes impact guns fail to loosen really rusted on bolts. Only leverage can save you then. I've had that happen.
lethaldevotion92: Not every time you swap wheels, but if it's that bad, yeah..If I need tools I go to my neighbour's and grab the tools I need...yeah sure the impact gun MIGHT not work, but you broke 2 wrenches and your knuckles already at this point..it's worth a try
BeerPowered: They were shitty wrenches which are usually put in car trunk by manufacturers (so 20 year old too) and I've broken plenty of those before. A good lever took that without problems.
And my neighbors are poorer than me lol.
lethaldevotion92: Oh okay perfect, glad to hear man..cheers
| 8 | 1.125 | |
1385697362 | 1385698963 | null | t5_2to41 | 22 | ExtrovertedSolipsist: TIFU By not showing up to work
I picked up a shift to work tonight from 10 p.m. until 6 a.m. at a cafe near a pretty bustling mall. The original worker didn't want to work on Black Friday, so I picked it up to make some cash.
She called me yesterday and tells me, "Don't worry about working tomorrow, they are overstaffed so they won't need you."
So I decide that I will make the two hour drive to my parents' house, only to receive a call from my boss asking why I wasn't there. The girl apparently misunderstood the staffing situation, and told me the opposite of what I'm supposed to do. Now I'm probably facing some sort of disciplinary action from my work and there is nothing I can do to avoid it. Fuck.
lostdeceiver: Throw the original worker under the bus.
pendingKill: this
| 3 | 7.333333 | |
1385698872 | 1386851806 | null | t5_2to41 | 49 | [deleted]: TIFU by thinking I knew the silent girl pt. 2
My fuck up's with this girl never stop. So it's thanksgiving and my sister wants to finally introduce her boyfriend to us who is also bringing along his cousin. And who do you think it was… silent girl and her cousin. After meeting my family and saying hello I dragged her to my room and asked her why she's here. She then looked at me."Today I fucked up by thinking I knew the silent girl from my class." this is what she said to me. I tried to explain but she cut me off.After moments of silence she told me that despite what I thought and what some people said she didn't need a rock and was quite alright. There was no real reason as to why she told me she just did.Heres where the fuck up comes in to place.I said"Should I just let your cousin see the post I wrote then?".I was trying to blackmail her. But I made the mistake of thinking once again I knew her. She smiled and said go ahead she wasn't ashamed but that I should be seeing how I was an almost a baby-daddy. Long story short. Almost got a girl pregnant and she knows about. After realization of my fuck up hit me she said that the plus of being silent is that you can finally listen and listen she does. She also said that she had enough dirty on everybody to blackmail especially me but that I had nothing on her.After leaving me to stew in my own stupidity I rallied that we were never going to be friends or in a relationship that I really do want to have but always end up fucking it up.
foxmind123: If you know she will probably read this, why did you post this?
Deserett: [Exhibit A](http://i.lvme.me/sgl679d_1.jpg)
J_Lags: Exhibit B:
"we were never going to be friends or in a relationship that I really do want to have but always end up fucking it up."
Maybe she'll like OP's boldness and honesty and give it a shot after all. I'm convinced this is why!
HoldOnOneSecond: That's stupid.
J_Lags: Not saying I think it'll happen, I'm saying that's the only reason I could see for him posting this, knowing she'll see.
HoldOnOneSecond: Let me reiterate, Joshua, is your area code possibly 3672?
J_Lags: 3722, actually.
HoldOnOneSecond: 3672, Joshua, I know where you live.
J_Lags: That's the Benalla post-code, I live nearby there.
HoldOnOneSecond: Really? I just guessed.
J_Lags: Clever effort!
HoldOnOneSecond: You win. I know you in r/l.
| 13 | 3.769231 | |
1385704498 | 1385827060 | null | t5_2to41 | 1,113 | Astacov: TIFU by trusting a three year old with my hamster.
It's a bit of a long story, but bear with me.
This Thanksgiving, after my sister's persuasion, I decided to go to her family's house, since everyone else was going to be going there. I would be there all week, and I didn't want to leave my pet hamster, Buddy, alone for the holidays, so I brought him with me all the way up to chilly Montana.
My sister's daughter (who is three) absolutely feel in love with Buddy. She'd play with him, feed him, and hug him. She'd even asked me to bring his cage into her room, which I agreed so long as she never took him out unless there was an adult to watch.
Now, a few hours ago, she was put to bed while the rest of the family would be out in the family room, enjoying the later hours of this day of feasting. Her room always got cold, and when the girl woke up to use the restroom, she looked over to see my hamster shivering.
Like any three year old with an astute concern for life, she decided it would be a good idea to warm Buddy up by throwing him in the microwave. Now this would be breaking the one rule I gave her, but she would see it as saving the poor hamster from the freezing temperatures of the house.
So here I am, in the family room, far from the kitchen, when I hear a ***pop*** followed by a scream.
The hamster exploded within 42 seconds of putting him in there.
His blood, gore, and fur lined the window, with the bones jutting into the plastic frame of the microwave.
I've spent to past few hours cleaning up his remains.
My friends, never trust a young kid with your pets.
RIP Buddy
**TL;DR:** My niece threw my hamster into the microwave and caused him to explode.
**Edit:** Fixed some minor things like "in-laws" and "sister's family" because I apparently forgot the damn difference.
snatchamouse: Was the microwave on the floor? Or is she a very tall 3yrs old?
juhesihcaaa: My 2.5 year old twins are almost 4ft tall. If the microwave is on the counter, it could be reachable to a 3 year old.
KasumiOrgy: I'm having a hard time imagining a 4ft 2.5 year old. That seems gigantic!
juhesihcaaa: They're huge. My husband is 6'4 and at 5'7 I'm the shortest person in my family (everyone else is 5'10 or more). The doc has said they're going to be 6ft tall.
chfr: 4' is around average height for a 10 year old. Something tells me that a 2.5 year old isn't 4' tall...
juhesihcaaa: They were 40' at their second birthday. And they've grown since.
chfr: I still just find this absolutely impossible to picture, nor can I find anybody on the internet that's this size. Do you have any pictures? You could blur out their faces if you don't want to expose your kids to the internet.
juhesihcaaa: None that really show their height and quite frankly, I'd rather not post pics, blurred or not.
aahxzen: balogna
major_lugo: I'm Juhesihcaaa's husband. I'm not posting pictures of my kids on the internet just to prove a point.
I just measured them. They were around 42". She was measuring at 40 but I also couldn't get her to stand up straight.
| 11 | 101.181818 | |
1385706635 | 1385776226 | null | t5_2to41 | 20 | mamapycb: TIFU By totally spacing and forgetting to take a Exam.
Well yesterday, I just remembered it. Like a wee bit ago.
So all semester we do these exams, like any college class. We take them in class, and they are 5 little short answers and then pick one of two essays. I have done fine in the class and enjoyed it. The topic was global protest, and this last test was over Sncc. As a history major this was going to be easy.
Well, there is a reason I don't do online courses. I forget things when left to my own devices, but with a regimented class schedule I do a good job of getting things done when they need to.
My other class is a MUST PASS TO GRADUATE class, so I have been putting tons of work in the paper. ( On the "Asian" as the "Other" in American history.) I'm getting all my primary sources together and Dr.Seuss is one of them! That's awesome right?
Well with so much effort into the paper, and such, when I woke up Wednesday, my brain focused totally on that, and forgot that my prof had posted the exam ONLINE.
We had 24 hours to do it. So my last chance to turn it in was 9am this morning. I just realized I forgot about it till...... well 1:30am now.
There goes 15% of my grade...............
placid871: Listen - look at one of the other recent threads about excuses for missing an exam to see if you can come up with something. In the meantime write the essay as quickly as you can, and then say you forgot to submit on time, here is the essay (if you can by today in the morning or afternoon). Don't give up on 15% of your grade just like that! That's an automatic B right there!
mamapycb: The exam isn't up anymore, no chance.... i tried that.
placid871: ask someone who did it to send you the questions?
mamapycb: no replys...... :(
placid871: what ended up happening? Don't give up!
| 6 | 3.333333 | |
1385709323 | 1385751893 | null | t5_2to41 | 16 | BeemoAdvance: TIFU by getting drunk on Thanksgiving
It's still Thanksgiving in the US.
But now I've woken up from something shameful. I'm studying abroad, and yesterday (Thanksgiving) our abroad group had no classes and a group potluck feast. I got up bright and early to start preparing, also started drinking. Long story short, I passed out two hours before the feast and woke up two and a half hours after it started. I sat up in bed shouting "shit, shit, shit," fretted for a few minutes, resolved to go anyway. I managed to cook half of the green beans before I passed out, so I brought them, and a bottle of sake too. I was still drunk and everyone could tell. I sat in the corner pigging out, ashamed of myself, consoled by my drunk friends and by the free beer.
tl;dr Drank too early, too quickly, arrived two and a half hours late to school sponsored thanksgiving, sauced and sour, with half a tray of green beans and a bottle of sake.
Zombie_Lover: > It's still Thanksgiving in the US.
I would hope so. It is a US holiday, not an international one.
verminn: It's celebrated in Canada as well.
jibjibman: Not on the same day.... Ours was last month
| 4 | 4 | |
1385714431 | 1385935908 | null | t5_2to41 | 40 | diverted_siphon: TIFU when I spilt molten metal all over my (parents) kitchen
Put a pot on the stove, high heat to boil. Went up stairs to grab laundry. Got sidetracked by the interwebs etc. Came down an hour later and realized I'd forgot the pot of water on the kettle. realized it was ruined. Picked it up to throw it out when a stream of molten metal went flying across the kitchen. Landed on the counter and all over the floor. left huge scorch marks everywhere it landed. Last year I overflowed the sink and wrecked the laminant floor and the basement roof. Fuck me gently.
Twistshock: How the fuck did the stove heat the pot enough to partially melt it?
Kautkto: [REDACTED]
Cproo12: You don't say.
Kautkto: [REDACTED]
Cproo12: Oh oops didn't mean to sound that way. Didn't realize you were replying thought you were just saying that :-
Kautkto: [REDACTED]
| 7 | 5.714286 | |
1385720974 | 1385985044 | null | t5_2to41 | 59 | Pihlbaoge: TIFU by printing nudes on the printer at work
So, yesterday I was quietly browsing at home, and well, the sudden urge to look at some /r/gonewild came up. I came across a post by the wonderful couple /u/testing78378 and [this superpost](http://www.reddit.com/r/AmateurArchives/comments/1q6jwm/could_be_too_much_of_a_good_thing_mic/cd9oq0m) of theirs.
So, I download the file, unzip it and decide to take a look at the pictures.
So, on my mac, I firstly press (cmd+A), to mark all pictures, and then (cmd+O) to open all pictures. Or actually, I didn't. I pressed (cmd+P) out of misstake, which is the shortcut for "print" instead of "open".
The printque starts, and I realize that it's trying to print from the office printer, which is a network printer connected to the internet. I try my best to abort the print que and don't think more of it. Until today, when I come in to the office. It's a small office (4 people working here.)
Somebody is printing a contract for a client, and picks upp the whole pile of papers in the printer. Then comes back out of his office holding several nudes, asking who is printing porn at work.
Since it's a small office, and two of the ones working here are a married couple, the my boss kind of knows who printed the photos.
boardgamejoe: How are nudes porn?
AppleSponge: are you for real
boardgamejoe: Yes, I don't find the human body pornagraphic.
BlueRoll18: then what is?
boardgamejoe: When people are performing sex acts on each other or themselves it is pornagraphic.
If a girl or guy takes a picture of themselves with a phone in front of a mirror while naked this is not pornagraphic.
This is just how they look naked.
Being naked is not a sex act.
BlueRoll18: Uhh, do you have problems getting off to nudes?
Anyway, from a legal standpoint, you might be right; they have to be depicted in a sexual act. However, the act of posing nude might in itself qualify that. It's a touchy subject.
boardgamejoe: It's only a touchy subject because of who you are and where you were raised. America is so prudish that we are taught to believe that the human body, unclothed is sinful and provocative all by itself.
Most of the rest of the world does not feel this way.
BlueRoll18: I'm not American...
boardgamejoe: They why are you so prudish? =)
BlueRoll18: I never knew they had internet in nudist colonies. But seriously, society evolved that way and there ain't much you can do to change it. Try explaining to the cop that underage nudes aren't pornographic and that he should drop charges.
boardgamejoe: I would win in court if the pictures of the underage nudes were just of kids bathing, swimming, changing etc with no sexual intent.
I'm not saying you wouldn't get charged and have your reputation tarnished because you would.
BlueRoll18: *hides in bush while taking shots with long tom lens*
S'okay, officer! These pictures are non-sexual!
| 13 | 4.538462 | |
1385726677 | 1385771667 | null | t5_2to41 | 103 | Posigen: TIFU by laughing after the teacher saying girls are getting stoned in Afghanistan
The teacher was explaining how girls are getting stoned in Afghansitan, where I laughed because I thought of the other stoned, you know.
She death stared me and I eventually had to explain why I laughed.
[deleted]: Wasn't that a bob Dylan song? "Everybody must get stoned".
My history teacher once showed us a picture of a pile of dead people from concentration camps. A girl called it 'bio-industry'. Teacher was not amused.
PhilbinThaison: That's what I thought of too... "you should not feel so all alone, everybody must get stoned!"
THCInjection: Rainy day woman?
I can never remember the title of that song!
| 4 | 25.75 | |
1385736195 | 1385821043 | null | t5_2to41 | 1,316 | Navel_of_Eve: TIFU by changing my top in a closet where my 16 year old nephew was hiding.
Thanksgiving at the in-laws'. Kids were playing hide and seek. I stepped into the closet and stripped down to my bra to change my shirt for dinner.
When I left the closet, the kids were still looking for 16 year old nephew. Found him in the closet that I was just in.
tl;dr: I flashed my nephew.
Edit: We are related by marriage, not blood.
jutct: You nephew is going to masturbate about you later. You're welcome.
Navel_of_Eve: Ack!
[deleted]: >Your nephew is going to masturbate about you for years.
SirLanceOlong: About ten years from now OP will meet nephews wife, and she'll look a lot like OP.
Navel_of_Eve: That's the sweetest thing I've ever read. ((smit))
HazeXL: I'm going to masturbate to this now.
Navel_of_Eve: I'm actually a very tall, black man under all of these boobs, hair and makeup. No fapping.
polkadotpotato: > all of these boobs
o.O
Navel_of_Eve: Just the two I was given. I got completely screwed out of a belly button however....
SnorlaxTheFlash: RIP Bellybutton.
Navel_of_Eve: Don't mourn. It never was. : (
SnorlaxTheFlash: I'm sorry. ;-;
Navel_of_Eve: It really is very sad. The expectation is there. There is not much thought put in the exception of belly button. Poor girl...
[deleted]: Wait... Why don't you have a belly button?
Navel_of_Eve: My screen name. ; )
Eve couldn't possibly have had one, right?
I have one. It's an innie.
| 16 | 82.25 | |
1385743950 | 1385812367 | null | t5_2to41 | 15 | J03YW: TIFU ordering a graphics card, with cats, and time management.
Okay. Today I was all excited about [this bad boy right here](http://pcpartpicker.com/part/sapphire-video-card-100354oc2l), ordered it, then looked in my pc case to see I do not have PCIE 3 slots, I had PCIE 2 slots. It won't work. I got mixed up because my motherboard has AM3+ series cpu (which was why I bought it), and I guess I can't differentiate processors from graphics cards, or whats a 3 and what's a two. Then, I try to cancel my order. Nah. I have to cancel it via UPS to get my refund from newegg. I call them to talk to a guy, and my cat knocks over my tarantula tank. Fuck. I have to get that resituated, shower, and get to my theater by 11 AM. FUUUUCK. So yeah, gotta fuck around with UPS, make sure my tarantula doesn't die, and get to my theater. Anyone else fuck up $150 purchases like I just did?
dralcax: Just be glad you *have* a tarantula.
J03YW: She's ok, and they're kickass.
saberman: what is her name?
J03YW: Dagmar (its German)
saberman: cool name! (I love tarantulas!)
J03YW: They're really fun and inexpensive to maintain.
| 7 | 2.142857 | |
1385692427 | 1385858882 | null | t5_2to41 | 8 | Ungluedmoose: TIFU by letting my MIL cook the turkey
My wife and I are a well oiled machine when it comes to Thanksgiving. She's the chef and I'm the chopper, peeler, mixer, taster.
We took the family to visit her parents for Thanksgiving. We prepped the bird and she put it in the oven (since she knows her oven best). Pulled the bird out just now and it's still at least an hour and a half from done, and everything else is ready.
God Damnit
dralcax: Read that as "letting my MILF cook the turkey". Was slightly confused.
[deleted]: MILILF
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1385740154 | 1386275625 | null | t5_2to41 | 47 | CandiAttack: TIFU by having a baking "competition".
Last night for Thanksgiving, my grandma wanted to make mini cheesecakes for dessert. Now, everyone knows how terrible she is at cooking. It will be dry and burnt no matter what. I offer to help, which somehow turned into each of us making our own cheesecakes. I jokingly tell her that, "this is an Iron Chef competition now!". So I raise my cheesecake standard, A LOT. Made my own crust and filling with fresh raspberries sprinkled with sugar. Then I swirled some chocolate on paper, let it cool and stuck it on top. My grandma used Nilla wafers as crust and canned cherries. Somehow I didn't realize then I went way over the top.
Everyone starts coming over for dessert, I tell them grandma and I had a baking competition and they have to judge (again, jokingly). So I look over at my grandma and there she is. Staring me down. With her ICY STARE. My stupid mind doesn't process this as foot-in-mouth, oh no. Instead I keep going on about this "funny" competition. I look over at my grandma again, finally getting through my skull that she's PISSED and probably pretty hurt. I tried to compensate by eating three of hers, telling her how good they were, and how smart she was for using Nilla Wafers as a crust. I'm pretty damn sure she saw right through me. I left feeling like shit, with the whole scenario playing over and over again in my mind...
Fuck.
Also, I apologize for formatting. I'm on mobile right now and don't really know what the fuck I'm doing anyways.
Zecin: Probably be best to talk to her sometime and explain that you just wanted to help and have a bit of fun. I don't know your family, but in mine you'd be forgiven pretty quickly and all would be good. Hopefully next time she'll realize it isn't the end of the world to accept a bit of help.
Again this is assuming your family is like mine... I don't know your grandma, this could be a horrible idea, haha.
CandiAttack: My grandma is the type of person who throws her luggage on the sidewalk of a hotel, expecting someone to pick it up and take it to the room for her. She's the type of person who expects the best at restaurants, but doesn't thank or say please to waiters. She does it all with that icy as fuck stare. She doesn't forgive, just expects the best (service or social-wise).
All I'd get out of her if I talked to her is a grunt and a forced smile.
BUT I did go over there for breakfast, and she seemed normal. She even complimented my pumpkin pie! So I'll take that as a, "I forgive you"?
Edit: As I type this out, I realize what a terrible idea it was to begin with.
conquerezvous: dude, gram gram sounds like a bitch. Grandmas can be bitches and you can still love them regardless of their bitchiness. I don't think you fucked up here, it just sounds like Grandma was jealous of your good baking skills. Don't beat yourself up so much over it!
CandiAttack: So very true, no matter how bitchy she can be I'll still love her! Thanks for making me feel better! Haha
countfenrir: My family went to dinner at IHOP about a year ago and my great grandmother was with us. We were being seated near a nice looking black family when she VERY loudly inquired "They're not going to make me sit by a buncha ni**ers are they?!?". Everyone in there was dumbstruck and her her daughter(my grandmother) quickly to her to "Shut the hell up, mom". We left and haven't been back.
| 6 | 7.833333 | |
1385751664 | 1385829562 | null | t5_2to41 | 1,784 | bjthecool2: TIFU by offering my girlfriend a relationship "break"
So my relationship with my girlfriend of one and a half years was becoming a bit sour as she was discontent with my lack of going out and attending parties and such with her (I think at least a few here could relate?). We lost our virginity to each other so this girl obviously meant a lot to me and we both had feelings for each other, so I proposed we have a short break where she can think of what she really wants. In this time we agree, we don't do things with other people and it is just a time for reflection.
Or not lol. We never really stopped contact during this 3 week period or so. We talked a bit, had some sexy times, but when we were about to try and mend things she said she had something serious to tell me. Turns out she got really drunk, listened to her idiot friend (who said "YOLO right"), and tried to spite me (happened a lot)..by sleeping with another guy. I slowly try to get over this, crushed, but learn a week later it was also unprotected. So she had put me at risk of diseases because we never use protection (monogamous, strong pill) and it literally broke my heart because we had never been with other people and the break was only for thinking.
Round 2 of confession: also find out she was going to sleep with another until her better friends stopped her, and she'd been messaging this same guy saying she wants to have sex with him, asking if he's finished his uni work so she could blow him, and put up a bet that the winner of a basketball match between them gets head. I had to destroy myself reading through the 2000 message conversation because I could not believe it.
All this in a week, I can't wait to find out what's in store for me tomorrow guys!
TL;DR: Never take relationship breaks with a girlfriend unless you want to find out how much cock they truly desire.
UPDATE: She found this and she got reaaal mad. I just want to thank you all for your comments and all the helpful and (kind of) diverse advice. I'm shit at replying to posts because I don't want to leave anyone out, but I've been reading them all and feeling a lot better about the situation. Thanks guys.
aahxzen: Yeahhhh, just move on my friend. It doesn't sound like there is much left to salvage here. Don't be overly pissed off, just realize that she obviously didn't worry about how it would affect you. You're better off heading in a new direction. Yes, I am giving dating advice over reddit.
twerps: Ten internet dollars says she rejects OP, then realizes two months from now that it was a bad idea.
Run away! The relationship is all but dead.
josh_legs: id love for this to happen with me. then i could say "yeah, you made a bad call. sucks for you"
but we all know i'd let her come back in my life
Wsallgood: /r/howtonotgiveafuck summons you.
josh_legs: tyvm for that introduction!
ssjkriccolo: is it not healthy to want your ex to be happy?
xott: Not if it's at the expense of your own happiness or self respect.
| 8 | 223 | |
1385755253 | 1385768509 | null | t5_2to41 | 18 | MasterChiefsAvenger: TIFU by offering to turn off the lights
It's Friday evening and I'm stuck in school in drama boosters. Having finished my work I was re-reading some Attack On Titan manga while everyone got on with their work. Since we were working in a different room that was adjacent to our normal room, you could just about see that the lights were on. My teacher questioned this, and me being the helpful guy I am told her I'd go and turn it off. I walk in without checking and right there in the middle of the room is my friend who was right in the middle of kissing his girlfriend. They freeze, I freeze. Me being the socially awkward person I am, I mumble something about the lights and switch them off, leaving them in total darkness, then nope'd the fuck out of there, cheeks ablaze
What makes it worse is that they're both really good friends of mine and are in the majority of my classes, to add insult to injury I came in later when his girlfriend had left to apologise but the words didn't seem to form.
Fuck.
T if you're reading this, I'm so fucking sorry
TL;DR I'm a major cockblock.
kThanks: I feel like there are more appropriate places to make out with your girlfriend. I wouldn't worry about it.
MasterChiefsAvenger: You're right but I feel like I could've easily prevented it too :(
kThanks: He knew the risks.
whelp_welp: RIP OP's friend.
| 5 | 3.6 | |
1385763585 | 1385765108 | null | t5_2to41 | 87 | mashanta: TIFU by getting nostalgic.
I had just moved house to a lovely close knit neighbourhood and naturally had about a million boxes of crap to sort through. This morning I woke up, threw on my fluffy pink dressing gown and continued like I had done for the past few days, just sorting through junk from my old house. In one of the boxes though I stumbled across my Darth Vadar rollerblades I had as a kid. I’m a girl and they were given to me by my older brother but I didn’t care, it felt like I spent my entire childhood whizzing along down the streets at top speeds of 5mph, grazing my knees and flying into bushes. I got incredibly nostalgic and naturally I excitedly tried them on right then and there. They were a bit of a tight fit but they were adjustable so I managed to get to them on. I haven’t got any carpet laid down yet so there I was skating around my house going on a little nostalgia trip. It was magical. After about 10 minutes I figured I should take them off but why not just keep them on? I was certainly able to move things around quicker from room to room, plus it was pretty fun. I ended up 2 hours later sat in front of the TV with some alphabetti spaghetti, too lazy to bother taking the skates off… when I heard a knock at the back door.
Now here’s where I should mention how my house is laid out. I was in the lounge sat in the armchair with my back to the window. My house kind of curves around and so if someone is at the backdoor, they would be standing right next to that window. In my old neighbourhood I wasn’t used to people walking around to the back door unless they were friends. But this was a whole different place where people not only come round the back but walk into your house uninvited too as I had learned the few days previous when I nearly assaulted my poor elderly (albeit trespassing) neighbour who informed me that it’s just what people do here?! So here is where I am fucked. Someone is at my back door (which is open – inviting to these friendly trespassing neighbours) and here I am – a woman in her mid 20's sat in a furry dressing gown at midday eating alphabetti spaghetti with Darth Vadar rollerblades on. The person can see through the window, they can see my head, they know I’m home. I can’t ignore them. It’s only a matter of time before they simply walk through the door and my bizarre recently adopted childish habits are revealed.
Ok, what are my options? I’m running out of time. I have to act fast. I looked down at my skates - both double tied with Velcro and 4 straps. God damn these things would take way too long to remove. I had to consider my other options at this point.
Plan A. I can pretend to be a statue. If I stay really still they might think I’m a mannequin or something. But then if they come in they will see a woman in her mid 20's not only wearing rollerblades but also pretending to be a statue.
Plan B? I can pretend to be deaf. Could work although I’d have to pretend to be deaf until I moved house which would require an awful lot of effort where I’d have to learn sign language to keep up appearances. I’m too lazy. Next.
Plan C. Man up? Just man the fuck up, put down my plate of alphabetti spaghetti and skate over to that back door like I don’t give a fuck. Could work. They might think I’m kooky and eccentric. It could become a humourus story among the neighbours about how carefree and hilarious I am. I could become elevated to high status within the community and all the old people would love me and bring me baked goods and I’d never have to buy an oven. Or more likely they think I’m totally fucking weird and I become the outcast of the street and nobody would agree to take in my endless Amazon orders while I’m out.
As I’m scanning through increasingly bizarre solutions in my head I realise I’ve wasted too much time. “Hello?” I hear a man say… from the kitchen. Yes, the man has walked into the house and is now literally a few feet away from my feet. My plastic red and black wheel covered feet. So which option should I go for? A, B or C? I surprised myself and ended up going for a plan I didn’t know existed until I chose it. Plan D. Get up as fast as you can and skate the fuck out of there before he sees. I don’t know what stupid brain cell made me choose that option. As if I could fucking discreetly skate out of a room in which the man was now in the doorway, watching as a pink ball of fluff slams her skates across her hardwood floor to the other door into the next room in a desperate attempt to escape humiliation. There was no turning back now. He had seen. He had heard. He knew my secret and he knew I had tried to hide it from him. I couldn’t go back and face him now. It’s too late. It was over. I skated to the corner of the room and hid behind a box in vain hope he wouldn’t follow me in. He didn’t. Instead he said “Uhm… just wanted to welcome you to the neighbourhood…let me know if you need anything…” and left. And to add insult to injury, as I sat there among the boxes, deep with burning shame in my Darth Vadar life destroyers, he walked past the window and looked in and saw me. So... what am I gonna do about my Amazon orders now?
TL;DR: Found some old Darth Vadar roller skates, wore them, neighbour caught me roller skating away from him in deep shame.
Cavanus: How did they still fit you?
mashanta: They're like these crappy plastic adjustable ones. That and having small feet helps.
Cavanus: Ohh I see, why didn't you just yell gimme a sec and take em off?
mashanta: I know I wrote it like he was waiting at the door for a while but really from the first knock to him walking in the house was about 5 seconds. I panicked. Plus my brain has an inability to resolve problems with minimum embarrassment.
Cavanus: Well now they'll know you're an interesting character, no downsides there
| 6 | 14.5 | |
1385757560 | 1385858074 | null | t5_2to41 | 16 | [deleted]: TIFU by squeezing an egg
This all started when my biology teacher told us that he would give 1€ to the one that could squeeze an egg so hard it would explode. No one could do it so that was it.
When I got home, I tried the same thing. In the middle of our living room. And yes, it did explode. I am pretty sure I didn't ruin anything, but I have to do lots of cleaning now..
Mattv323: Not physically possible to break it if done correctly
Hazelmaister: Maybe the egg had slight crack and I didn't notice..
EDIT: I tried it again with another egg and it didn't explode!
marcelwo: >EDIT: I tried it again with another egg and it didn't explode!
That's what I call a happy end.
| 4 | 4 | |
1385734249 | 1385872768 | null | t5_2to41 | 4 | whkyurem_104: TIFU by activating Explore By Touch
So, basically, I was messing with my phone, and I found a setting. Curiosity got me and I activated it, so now I can't do shit on my phone.
[deleted]: You didn't explain that at all. What is Explore by Touch?
Defiant_Tomato: Explore by Touch is a system feature that works with TalkBack, allowing you to touch your device's screen and hear what's under your finger via spoken feedback. This feature is helpful to users with low vision.
[Source](http://developer.android.com/design/patterns/accessibility.html)
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1385770080 | 1385777227 | null | t5_2to41 | 42 | Ecks-Bawks: TIFU by shitting my pants and leaving a carpet stain.
I always had difficulty stomaching shelled peanuts and I ate some for the first time in months because I had nothing else around the house to eat. A few hours went by fine but at one point I was sitting on the carpet watching TV. My stomach started rumbling randomly and lets just say that ended with me shitting myself. I got up to see a brown stain on the carpet and immediately went to take a diarrhea dump afterwards.
TL;DR I got diarrhea from eating peanuts and shit my pants on carpet leaving a stain.
Danny_the_Intern: "It has been 0 days since /r/tifu shit its pants."
Ecks-Bawks: Im ^sorry ^^I ^^^had ^^^^to...
| 3 | 14 | |
1385770951 | 1385772008 | null | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: TIFU by calling my phone a potato.
Today I went to upgrade my phone since there was a great Black Friday sale and my old phone happened to completely stop working yesterday.
Well they told my they couldn't transfer my contacts unless I unlocked my phone which I couldn't do because the screen no longer worked.
While hopelessly tying to unlock my phone, I became frustrated and quietly said "You stupid potato!" I realized what I'd said too little to late. The person next to me had heard me, and there was nothing I could say to fix it.
I stopped messing with my old phone, got my upgrade, and left.
[deleted]: I don't see how you fucked up...
n4clh20: This subreddit has a laughably big range of what's considered FU.
| 3 | 2 | |
1385776424 | 1385928152 | null | t5_2to41 | 32 | [deleted]: TIFU by dropping my soda on a priest while sitting on an airplane.
So today, I was headed back home via a plane. Half way through the flight, I decide that I should take out the Coca Cola I opened and have a bit of it. What could go wrong?
Because of the pressurization in the cabin and whatnot, my drink violently erupts. The seconds felt like hours. The soda showed no sign of stopping.
Instinct took control. I subconsciously dropped the erupting bottle onto the priest and the Bible he'd be reading. Panic sets in.
I grab the bottle back and move to the bathroom, furiously cleaning the soda from my clothing. I make sure to bring towels back for the priest.
We cleaned up the mess and he told me, "It's okay - I forgive you."
Didn't make it any less awkward of a flight the rest of the way home. He hates me.
DanniiTheFannii: I was expecting you to shout something like "Oh Jesus Christ! Shit!"
whelp_welp: "God Damn it!"
| 3 | 10.666667 | |
1385779550 | 1385860698 | null | t5_2to41 | 113 | trying-2B-cool-sis: TIFU by letting my little brother use my computer.
This is a throwaway account.
My little brother is only 12 and a bit of a brat. He was basically raised as an only child since I, the former youngest, moved away when I was 18 (I'm 25 now). When I was his age I had to compete for attention with my two older siblings. Dominick (fake name) never had to do that and our parents have more money now and more time (one took an early retirement) so he has been spoiled rotten. Despite my obvious jealousy about that I still try to be the cool older sister whenever I visit, which isn't as often as I'd like.
A great example is earlier today. His computer broke last week so our dad had to send it in for repair because it's still under warranty. The little shit should be glad he even has a brand new computer! When I was his age it was hard enough to get our parents to buy me new clothes let alone neat electronics or toys. But Dominick doesn't understand his luck. All he knows is he doesn't have a computer and it's made him even brattier than normal.
Today my parents, my boyfriend, and my other two sibs decided to go see a movie. Dominick refused to go because he wanted to see Thor and we all agreed on 12 Years a Slave. So our parents agreed to let him stay home alone (something they would NEVER have done with 12 year old me). Just before leaving he put on his puppy dog eyes and asked if he could use my computer while I was gone. I said fine. Again, just trying to be the cool older sis.
After the movie we all went out for dinner. Dominick was acting weirder than usual but at least he was being quiet. Which I guess by itself was weird. But I didn't think anything of it until I logged into my computer about two hours ago.
Photoshop was open. Minimized but open. Not that unusual I guess, I mean I do some graphic design work at my job plus I do some amateur modeling for some artist friends so I use the program quite a bit. In fact, just a few days ago I put the finishing touches on the Christmas card my boyfriend and I will be sending out soon. As usual I spent a ton of time working on that before I sent the .PSD to my printer friend. I must have forgotten to close it a few days ago, the last time I touched the program. It happens.
God if only that had been the case.
Curious, I opened the program and decided to re-check the PSD I had sent off. But when I opened the list of recently viewed files, well, none of the thirty listed were my Christmas card pictures. Or any website edits I'd done for work. Or even my recent modeling work for a friend of mine that I ended up having to edit myself. Nope. Uh uh. Nooooo.
The pictures listed were all from earlier this year, back in February. My boyfriend and I had gone through a phase where we sort of liked to... ahem... *capture our intimate moments*. It was a brief phase that lasted only six weeks at most but for awhile there the camera became a necessary accessory to our lovemaking. He's sort of camera shy so the pictures usually focused on me but he's definitely "in" a lot of them. At least parts of him are. You know which parts.
Like anything else it eventually lost its novelty and we stopped with the amateur porn pictures. And we never ever shared them with anyone. I would download them to my laptop, erase the SD card, and forget about them. Sure we looked at them once or twice, that was part of the fun, but I never edited them or anything. And again: we never shared them with anyone!
Having them on my "recently viewed" list, therefore, was a huge mystery. Only it wasn't. I mean, come on, it's obvious what happened. Little brother went snooping on my computer.
Now I don't know what to do. Ignore the whole thing? Tell our parents? Tell my boyfriend? I'll probably at least do the last thing just so he's aware. He is in many of the pictures after all. I guess he deserves to know.
I just hope he didn't copy the files or post them anywhere. A look at the web-browser history suggests he only went to game websites and things like that. And hell maybe he's still too young to know what he saw. Or maybe he didn't recognize me? My face isn't in all the photos after all. Cringe...
My only other worry is that at dinner tonight I was talking about how one of my friends is hiring me to model for his new art project. God I hope Dominick didn't think that meant... well, you know. The stuff in the photos I'm pretty sure he saw.
I know I'm not the first person on this sub-reddit to have accidentally shared nudes with people they didn't want to share them with (I searched first to see if I could get any advice, that's how I found this sub-reddit) but I feel like this is worse than anything else I've read. I'd rather my own mom had seen them. Or a boss. Or even my dad. All of those situations would suck but at least with an adult you can expect them to be mature about it and laugh off the mistake. My worry is that I have permanently scarred my 12 year old brother's brain or at the very least forever changed the way he looks at me.
bassy7: I would bet money he copied it and showed his friends. Kids are weird.
trying-2B-cool-sis: Any idea on how to check for that? I'm almost certain he didn't e-mail them and I'm pretty sure he doesn't have a USB drive. Is there a way to tell if a file has been copied or uploaded? Under "properties" all it says is that the file was last accessed earlier today.
bassy7: Well if he doesn't have a usb and your sure he didn't email, it should be fine. Oh and I wouldn't worry too much, though if it were me, I would bring it up in a family meeting just to embarrass him as you shouldn't go snooping around on others computers.
apathetictroll: I agree, if you decide to be embarrassed about it he owns you. Be mad about it. You were nice enough to let him use your computer, call him out and rake him across the coals. He will eventually be better for it.
trying-2B-cool-sis: I am mad about it but I'm not sure confronting him is the way to go.
LiterallyTheWorst: If you don't confront him there is no way you'll ever be certain if he has copies or not. It's going to be uncomfortable as hell, but it's the only way to not have that unsure feeling hanging over your head. If you do confront him bring in the authority figures, more awkward, but far more reliable.
apathetictroll: Don't even be embarrassed! He violated your privacy. Peeping tom.
Ju1cY_0n3: The worst part, the fucker went through more than *30* of these pictures... If it was me and my sister I would have stopped and nope.jpeg out of there as soon as I hit image 1.
| 9 | 12.555556 | |
1385784824 | 1385880666 | null | t5_2to41 | 103 | [deleted]: TIFU by laughing at a 10 year old because his mother was dead
This actually happened last year, but I still feel bad about it.
So I went over to my little cousins house, and his friends came over too. They were all playing table tennis and I joined them. We were all joking around and soon enough they start saying 'your mum' jokes. One of the friends says a joke, and the other friend says 'Well my mum's dead'. There was some uncomfortable laughter which I didn't realise at the time, but I then openly laughed and him thinking he was just being a kid. Later I went inside and my other cousin asks why I just laughed at a little kids dead mum. That's when I realised I fucked up.
doublin23: being a person whos mother is dead, i can say the worst times to be around friends is when they get into the "your mom" jokes, because theres always someone who forgets, or doesnt know, and says a joke to me, and i just stare at them.
GreenGlassDrgn: same thing with rape jokes
doublin23: but rape jokes are funny. your mom jokes are annoying.
ALPB11: Haha, rape! What a kneeslapper!
k12314: Some people have a dark sense of humor, like me. There's a difference between joking about rape and condoning it.
However jokes like that are meant for tight knit groups of friends who you know are cool with it. That's how you avoid the whole "oh shit you were raped I'm so sorry" issue.
| 6 | 17.166667 | |
1385793047 | 1385800796 | null | t5_2to41 | 43 | impreprex: TIFU by calling the cops on an innocent man.
Two of my buddies and I went to a mall. One of my friends ran in to grab something while I waited in the car. My other friend took a walk around the parking lot (he was talking on his phone).
As I'm sitting in the car, I see a dude dressed in all black with a backpack going from car to car. It looked like he was trying to get into them. He even looked shady (he was looking around paranoid, it seemed).
So I call 911 and tell them about this dude. I'm on the phone with the police (I got transferred 3 times) trying to tell them where the guy is. I had to stay on the phone until they came. Finally, 7 cop cars pull up and 2 of them get out of the car and run up to him. Right as one of the cops (on foot) acknowledge that I'm the one who called 911 (as he's walking up to me), my friend who was walking around the parking lot comes up to me and tells me the guy was just putting flyers on the cars.
I felt like a fucking idiot and apologized profusely to the cop who was talking to me and running my name. He said not to be sorry, but still. The Sergeant wasn't too happy, though. 7 cop cars (and there were more than 7 cops). It was nuts. As it was happening, I knew it would be a perfect TIFU.
TL;DR: Thought some dude was trying to burglarize cars in a mall parking lot. Called 911. The dude was just putting flyers on the cars.
[deleted]: Why was her running your name ?
impreprex: They always do that here. To check for warrants.
[deleted]: heh Thanks for being a concerned citizen.. now let me check if you're a criminal. Makes me laugh.
impreprex: Exactly what I said to my friends as we left.
[deleted]: Never involve the cops unless you're about to die.
| 6 | 7.166667 | |
1385785440 | 1385869016 | null | t5_2to41 | 9 | tileflour: TIFU by trying to take a nap.
Today on the 5 hour drive to our families cabin I decide to catch up on some sleep in the car. I put my feet up across the car onto my girlfriends lap. We are in a Buick Enclave so it's got /some/ stretch space. I take a solid two and a half hour snooze and wake up at the next stop. I woke up to the most unbearable back pain that prevented me from getting out of the car and stretching. I sat up and put a pillow behind my back and say the res of the ride in the most uncomfortable state I've ever been in. Nine hours later and my back is still tense and my beautiful girlfriend is massaging my back with a warm rag.
TL;DR: I fell asleep like an angle and woke up with pain from hell.
maybeilllurkmore: After reading all of these TIFUs, I at least expected you to shart in your sleep all over your girlfriend's legs.
tileflour: I have surprising control over my bowels :p
maybeilllurkmore: Sphincter flexer!!
| 4 | 2.25 | |
1385793747 | 1388026438 | null | t5_2to41 | 18 | RebSki: TIFU by leaving my phone behind
So, I'm not really sure this counts as a TI since I only found out about this new info earlier today. A week ago, I left my boy-friend's (We're both 16) house. Once home, I took a shower and my home phone rang. It was my dad. He wanted to know why I wasn't responding to his calls to my cell, and asked me to feed my siblings before I left. I realized I'd left my phone at my boy-friend's (BF) house. I fed my sibs, grabbed my keys and went back to his house. I noticed his best friends car was out front. Once inside, I found my boyfriend (w/ his best friend {a girl} and his brother) scrolling through my phone. I honestly didn't care less, I had nothing to hide. Then I heard his best friend say "god what a whore" while still looking at my phone. I got bitchy, we'd had arguments before involving my touching policy when it comes to my boyfriend and her extensive dislike of me, and asked them what they were doing. They all looked up (startled) and got quiet. My BF just looked at me (blank-faced). I had know idea what was going on, so I came in and asked for my phone. She stood up, smirked at me and gave me this bitch look, and said "you've got some explaining to do". Then she walked out while his brother (whom I had also been friends w/) Just stood up and looked at me like this: :/ , shook his head and walked out. My boyfriend just kept staring at me. I asked him what was wrong and he just threw my phone at me. He told me to "explain that", and walked out. I heard the front door slam, and then the car door. next thing I knew, they were all in her car and gone. I looked at my phone. there were texts from my phone to a guy in my phone (who i'd used to of been in a relationship w/, yah) this is in example of what it was like:
"'me': Wow I mis ur boddeh :p"
"him: Oh, is the new guy not cutting it?"
"'me': Ttlly, not. -traces fingr up ur chest- wanna get tgthr sumtime?"
"him: sure your boy won't mind? ;)"
"'me': tots not -bites- so?"
"him: *groans* sure sexy. just txt me when. :)"
It went on like that for about half an hour where "I" sexted this complete twit (no offense to him, as he knows it also). No one bothered to notice that they were sent about 20 minutes AFTER I had left his house, which (guess what?) was around the time when his best friend showed up. I found that out this morning, when my ex-boyfriend attempted to call me after a week of arguing with me because I said it couldve been her, he called me a lot of names i'm going to not repeat, and he let her trash me right in front of EVERYOne at a paintball tourney I asked him to come to to watch me play at. To try to get passed everything that had happened. Long story short, I'm done with this, and I'm Never forgetting my phone again.
saberman: wait. did you text the guy while you were with your new BF?
Cubevision: OP left her phone at her boyfriends house, got home and received a call that made her realize she left her phone behind. She went to the boyfriends house and was greeted with hostility because everyone there thought "she" sexted some other guy, even though those messages had been sent 20 minutes after she left her phone at her boyfriend's house, meaning it wasn't her that did the sending (and she hints that it was the boyfriends bestfriend, who happens to be another girl). A week later, after a lot of hostility and negativity, her BF (or now ex-bf) called to say he realized that she hadn't sent the messaged and tried to smooth it over.
Sorry to hear it OP, but your ex sounds like an idiot. Texts are timestamped; he should've seen that they were sent after you left and even if he didn't, that would've meant that they were sent while you were at his house which he probably would've noticed. You may have fucked up by leaving your phone behind, but he fucked up by not jumping to conclusions.
RebSki: Honestly Thanks, took me a while to realize that but yepr
| 4 | 4.5 | |
1385779944 | 1385831392 | null | t5_2to41 | 130 | [deleted]: TIFU by accidentally hiding my gf's hot pink vibrator where my parents hide the christmas gifts. They hid gifts today.
I was helping my dad look for a cable the whole time shitting bricks trying to avoid him hide where I put it. Then I look to the left on top of the washing machines and I see it just lay on top of everything else. They have not mentioned anything but I literally felt time stop when I saw the package.
MachinatioVitae: When I was a kid my mom badgered me to clean my room for like a month, being 13 or so I had video games to play so never got around to tidying up. Come home after school one day to see the entire room spotless. Check my porn drawer. Magazines are still there, but visibly straightened. We never spoke of it.
vierce: Did she wipe them off?
| 3 | 43.333333 | |
1385814066 | 1385953871 | null | t5_2to41 | 316 | [deleted]: TIFU by shitting my pants at work.
Alright so I never ever ever thought this would happen to me. I work with almost entirely girls my age which made it more potentially embarrassing.
So I went out on my first break of the day (we are allowed 2 15 minute breaks and one half hour) for a smoke. I had a snack and an energy drink to fend off my hangover. The first 10 minutes was taken up by an old lady in line buying lottery tickets (all employees hate these people. They kill our breaks and don't care). By the time I finally got to my car with my lunchables and cigarette I had 5 minutes left on this break and powered through them.
As I was walking back inside I trusted a fart. I should not have done this. I shit myself. I nice liquid shit from all the beer and no food from the night before. Only a little let out but it was enough. I waddled my way to the washroom and finished my shit while I cleaned my underwear as well as possible. By the time this was finished I was 32 minutes on a break and had to take my 2 15 min breaks later that day.
I ended up spraying febreeze on my boxers and was forced to wear my boxers the rest of my shift.
Nobody noticed but holy fuck that was close.
17Hongo: Aaaaand we're resetting the clock again.
Boojamon: I'm sorry, I'm not versed in this subreddit. What's the joke?
17Hongo: Although it isn't limited to this subreddit, it is common here. Basically reddit seems to be full of people who have shat themselves during their adult life. When /r/tifu was created, it became something of an outlet for this - there was even a clock in the sidebar that kept the time between "I shat myself" posts. I think the most time between them was roughly 15 minutes. As a result, every time one of those posts would show up, jokes would be made about resetting the clock.
Boojamon: That's hilarious, and statistically worrying. It could strike anyone next!
17Hongo: Currently undergoing a rather loose set of bowel movements myself - I've been fine so far, but who knows?
spankthepunkpink: I now go to the loo every 20 minutes just to be sure
| 7 | 45.142857 | |
1385825327 | 1385895152 | null | t5_2to41 | 91 | Tostadoras: TIFU by sending a screenshot of a girl's tweet to her
So today i was just reading my twitter feed when i saw a tweet from this girl, it said: "blah blah so many people i shouldn't have invited to my party blah bluh". So i thought this will unleash a wave of drama, i should really screencap it and send it to my buddy. I did, **BUT I SENT IT TO HER**.
So she is now asking me why did i send her a pic of her own tweet, any ideas?
[deleted]: This is so fucking petty and stupid. Why are people upvoting this? God dammit this subreddit sucks. It should be called /r/teenageproblems
pringlepringle: +1. I'm gonna instagram a screenshot of your comment and tweet it to op
ssjkriccolo: I'll tweet the link of a picture i took of a tweet about a link to the picture that told me about the original link to the tweet i just tweeted
Cproo12: And then instagram it to Facebook via my occulus toaster drive
| 5 | 18.2 | |
1385831152 | 1385936561 | null | t5_2to41 | 551 | Colinizhere8: TIFU smoking weed and then taking my A.D.D pills
It was sunday and i was prepping for midterms and a friend I havent seen for a while came over, parents were gone so he asked if I wanted to smoke so intelligent me said yes. This was my second time smoking and i literally lost it, it was blue dream and I was off my ass, hours later after watching a high school football game thinking it was the eagles and ordering pizza, I realize i need to focus and go back to studding , its 7 PM and high me thought "Hey you need to focus why dont you take your pills!" So i took them forgetting the 10 hour sleep loss affect, 3 hours later i tried to go to bed and kept rolling around, this continued until 6 O'Clock when i finally had to get up. I couldnt stay awake and just stayed home and ended up failing the mid terms/ getting a 0 until i could make them up. On top of that I got punished and had to explain to a few colleges why my report card has a 0 for mid terms on it.
TL;DR: I was gonna go to school, but then I got high
darkgamr: The proper handling of that situation would have been to pop 2 more pills in the morning to stay alert then to develop a crippling addiction to your ADD meds because of your fucked up sleep schedule requiring them to be awake for anything.
It's been pretty good to me.
M4ttz8: At least now I know I'm not the only one. Any clue on how to break the dependency?
mr_burrito: >Any clue on how to break the dependency?
stop taking the pills.
M4ttz8: Easier said than done. I'd be fucking over my grades and my body probably wouldn't be too happy that I stopped taking them.
swansong74: Methylphenidates and Amphetamines (used in Ritalin and Adderall, respectively) are not addictive, so your body won't have any withdrawal symptoms.
Edit: Yikes... Sorry that I was misinformed by my doctor. I take Concerta and Ritalin daily and was told that it is not addictive nor have I experienced any addiction of any kind to the medication. I suppose I assumed it's the same story for all people with both methylphenidate and amphetamine.
PHPH: They're not normally addictive, but can still be in some individuals. They're not schedule two just for their potency.
muhkayluh93: They're schedule two because of medicinal value, you fucktard
PHPH: Wait what? No...the government doesn't control substances for their *medicinal value*...
Medicinal value is a necessary condition for being schedule two, not sufficient. What you say makes NO sense at all.
Methylphenidate and Amphetamine are schedule two because they have, "recognized medical value but present a high potential for abuse" (taken from wikipedia, but is frankly sufficient authority as a source here).
Here are the full requirements since you evidently know nothing at all about this:
"(2) Schedule II.—
(A) The drug or other substance has a high potential for abuse.
(B) The drug or other substance has a currently accepted medical use in treatment in the United States or a currently accepted medical use with severe restrictions.
(C) Abuse of the drug or other substances may lead to severe psychological or physical dependence. "
ALL THREE requirements must be fulfilled.
Don't be an asshole - especially when you're wrong.
muhkayluh93: Now you're contradicting yourself. Just give up.
PHPH: Logic and reasoning are clearly hard for you, I see that, but it helps to at least make an effort.
| 11 | 50.090909 | |
1385823474 | 1385852124 | null | t5_2to41 | 70 | Damadawf: TIFU by eating something that I shouldn't have. (Spoiler alert: It was a bug, and it was kinda intentional...)
Okay so a little back story...
I worked a ~11 hour shift today and got home a bit after 11pm my time. Now after a long and stressful day of dealing with customers, it's nice to have a few beers after my shift.
So by the 6th beer or so, I'm standing outside having a smoke under our pagola (sheltered extension thing added to our house in our backyard) where tonight's dinner was cooked. My dad made a BBQ with a side of meatballs which were cooked in a pot on the wok which extends from the barbeque. I had obviously missed dinner because I got home late. But I also hadn't eaten at work because we were so busy that I didn't take a lunch break, so I was pretty hungry on account of not really eating all day.
Now as many of you redditors out there have probably learned at one point or another in your lives, drinking on an empty stomach can lead to bad decision making.
So I see that pot that the meatballs were cooked in sitting on the wok with all the oily residue inside it still (because my Dad is a slob and doesn't like cleaning up after himself, which leads to the following slobbery that I probably inherited from him):
I stuck my finger in the pot and got a nice blob of grease on it, then stuck it in my mouth. I know, disgusting. But I was drunk and hungry, and wasn't really thinking things through.
So then after thinking how surprisingly appetizing the grease tasted, I notice to nice blobs sitting in the pan. Without a moment's hesitation, I pick one up (assuming it was a bit of meat left over from the night's dinner) and stick it in my mouth. I then proceed to do what most people do when they put something in their mouth, and my masticating reflex kicks in.
But it's crunchy. Meatballs aren't crunchy, because they're made from minced meat (ground meat for the lovely American readers out there) but the thing in my mouth was crunchy. Very crunchy. After over 30 seconds or so of chewing, still crunchy.
In a wave of confusion, (while still chewing of course), I look down into the pot at the other blob. It's wriggling around. Moving. Squirming.
I cautiously pick it out, only to realize that it's a beetle that landed in the pot and got stuck in the coagulating fat-residue left in the pot.
By the time I had realized what had just happened, I had already swallowed the first beetle, and as I type this, I think I still have bits of it stuck between my teeth.
So if you have made it this far through my small wall of text, I hope you might learn from the mistake I have made tonight. Don't get drunk and pick bits out of cooking crockery that have been left outside and put them in your mouth. If the obvious salmonella risk doesn't turn you off, then hopefully the possibility of eating a dirty bug will.
**Tl;dr: Got drunk, accidentally ate a crunchy bug out of some cookware that was left outside. It didn't taste like anything, and honestly, while drinking the rest of my current beer after my realization, my brain wanted to throw up, but my stomach obviously didn't mind.**
[deleted]: Such tragedy.
much fuck up.
very fuotw.
wow
EDIT: But seriously, why is this getting upvoted?
twas_a_walrus: I love that shibe shit so much that I occasionally use it in real conversation with other friends who are as amused by it as I am. I have never heard/seen an example of it that didn't make me giggle. Until now. You broke it. I'm sad.
[deleted]: Sry bby. ily
| 4 | 17.5 | |
1385838413 | 1385863326 | null | t5_2to41 | 282 | alexh734: Tifu watching porn, realizing it was a coworker, then finishing
I can't unsee her asymmetrical boobs. She was a camp counselor with me two years ago.
Edit:[Sorry it took so long everyone.](http://beeg.com/5726765)
CioCZ: spoiler^^^^all ^^^^girls ^^^^have ^^^^asymmetrical ^^^^boobs
RingoTheCraftySquidd: Maybe he meant they were REALLY asymmetrical? Mine are pretty wonky, one is a couple sizes larger than the other.
They're still great tho so idgaf.
sexyagentdingdong: > one is a couple sizes larger than the other
define a couple sizes larger than the other
i have one ball that hangs down lower and know girls that have one slightly larger boob then the other but this will be the first i've seen of this
RingoTheCraftySquidd: B/D.
sexyagentdingdong: whoa! that's awesome:)
i wonder what those unique breasts would look like. buying an bra must be a bitch
RingoTheCraftySquidd: It's not really THAT noticeable.
I wear a sports bra, if anything. I gave up on regular bras lol.
sexyagentdingdong: thats funny actually. i didnt think about that
| 8 | 35.25 | |
1385840787 | 1385882725 | null | t5_2to41 | 61 | [deleted]: TIFU by not calling in sick to work.
I woke up this morning feeling extremely exhausted, sore throat, feverish and a bit of an uneasy stomach. I didn't think much of it, thinking it would go away within the hour, so I went to work. In the food industry. I was there 15 minutes, making peoples food as usual, when suddenly in the middle of making food for some lady I realized I was going to vomit and very soon. Right after dealing with the customer, I told my coworker id be right back and ran to the bathroom in the back, throwing up for 10 minutes. I get back looking like shit, bright red, eyes a bit wet and just looking terrible.
My manager took me to the back of the store, explained that if I ever showed up sick again I'd be let off instantly, and told me to go home.
Now i've been sitting in bed feeling like death and vomiting for hours, but at least im not at work anymore.
Chemicalzoo: You're manager is a dick, I mean, it's not like you've had a few warnings and this is your third strike or anything. People like that are just looking for a reason to be pissy. I'm guessing she/he would have still been mad at you if you called in sick last minute.
I'm sorry dude. I worked in food service for four years, and I'm glad to be out. Hang in there buddy. Drink lots of fluids!
alias_enki: The manager may have been a little harsh in this situation but I agree with them. What would have happened if vomit gets on the food prep area? That would grind the entire business to a halt, destroy product and generally be bad for business. It is a very sensible reaction and I wish more employers would look at things on a larger scale? We don't need sick people spreading the sickness or disrupting things.
Chemicalzoo: I don't think saying "do it again and you're fired" is reasonable. If someone's sick and it's their first time coming to work sick, you could just be like, "look, I'm gonna give you a warning this time, but next time I want you to call it in okay?" There's no need to be a jerk about it
PixelOrange: You also have to understand how much money this can cost people. Him being sick and at home means the bossman is shorthanded for a day or two.
Him being in the office and sick means every customer that eats his food potentially gets sick and if they see him sick they may not ever come back. Not to mention health inspectors freak the fuck out when they see sick people around food.
Chemicalzoo: I see where you're coming from, but out of personal experience as someone who worked in the food industry for four years, I had to show up unless I was like in the hospital. I had days where I couldn't stop coughing and my boss and customers saw this and no one really cared. They didn't lose any money because of it. I'm not saying they *can't* lose money because of it, but it's not as drastic as you may think.
Simply put, there was no reason to be a dick. You can explain to someone why they can't come to work sick without being an asshole. I don't really care if they felt like the situation called for it, there's never any good excuse to be a jerk to your employees.
PixelOrange: You and I are in agreement there. I was just saying to take into consideration that for some people, that is their livelihoods and they are (understandably) short tempered about that kind of thing.
Not everyone is great at controlling their temper. :)
| 7 | 8.714286 | |
1385849986 | 1386161971 | null | t5_2to41 | 36 | [deleted]: TIFU by groping a (sort of) niece.
Was posting this in a comment on someone's confession and realised it would be something amusing to post here. As ever, didn't happen today, but many moons ago.
So one time I was going in for a hug with a sort of niece (sister's bf's eldest daughter) because she's leaving. I was getting up from my chair and she was leaning down to hug sitting me. British awkwardness made us do this weird little dance and when the hug actually came I ended up with a handful of boob somehow. So now I just wave.
bealmeida: This one sound like " so one time in music camp..."
[deleted]: Those band camp stories were about someone exploring their sexual selves. This story was about an awkward moment with me unwittingly honking the hooter of someone I would never have honked in any situation.
spankthepunkpink: i live with a hetero male housemate, I am a trans woman, we were friends way back when I was a dude. That's all the backstory
The other day we're chatting while both trying to do something in the kitchen, a joke was made and the response was a lighthearted collar grab and raised fist, the mock threat sort of thing. At the moment that this gesture was being inititiated I made a sudden step back and towards my housemate, meaning he grabbed a handful of his old mates left boob.
accidental boob grabbing does happen, don't stress too much.
[deleted]: I'm far more chill about it now, but at the time I was very embarrassed and stressing :)
Edit: In your case, is it appropriate to congratulate someone on the transition? What's the deal there?
spankthepunkpink: glad you've recovered with dignity intact :-)
interesting question...Trans folk are still marginalised and satirised with reckless abandon. Blacks, women even gays now have managed to get their groups on the 'do not make fun of list'. But not us, so I understand why people get so overly sensitive. I don't really though.
That being said, I'm a punk rocker and was a dude for a long time, I don't feel the need to be super girly and don't mind referring to myself with names that others may find offensive. so despite the 'faux pas minefield' that any interaction with transpeople can be, I don't mind the congratulations at all :-)
So thanks for the congrats! Life is great now and I have boobs I can play with whenever I want. What else could a man want? :-p
[deleted]: If I'd known then you could have had mine. ;)
| 7 | 5.142857 | |
1385853199 | 1385923210 | null | t5_2to41 | 2,953 | savannahisabeast: TIFU by mixing my family and BDSM. NSFW
Thanksgiving holiday, staying with the parents. For as long as I can remember, I've been really into having sex in unusual places, cars, parks, school properties, etc.
My boyfriend and I thought that it would be insanely hot to have a go in my old bedroom. We wait until 3 AM, stuff a t-shirt in the door crack, and he covers my mouth to keep things quiet in a sexy way. He ties me down to the bed with some rope we packed, mouth gagged, and goes ham.
Dad apparently is having indigestion from thanksgiving and hears us up, even though we triple checked everyone was asleep. He comes in, and since my door doesn't have a lock, he sees his precious daughter being strangled and gagged on the bed. He flips out (understandable) throws my BF off of me, and gets ready to call the police. He's a pretty plain vanilla type of guy.
It took a lot of explaining to convince him that it was completely consensual, and enough angry shouting to wake up everybody else in the house. This happened late thursday and I've never been looking forward a crowded terminal even more...
Hopefully I'll be choking down tears (no pun intended) of laughter five years from now.
EDIT: I'm almost 20, and I've known my BF for 4 years, dating him for two. My parents and I have always had a fabulous relationship and I don't think that it will be that bad in a couple of years. We're just now getting into stuff like that, so we're still beginners . My parents were always pretty conservative but open to my siblings getting tattoos, etc, so I think I'll be able to laugh about it in a couple of years.
EDIT: morning after
My dad told my mom, but my younger siblings (12 and 18) live in the house so it wasn't a conversation item, thankfully. They had slept though the ordeal, but mom heard. She didn't come down though. We just made casual small talk and talked about how nice the meal was over leftovers. My mom came up to me later in the day when I was outside by myself and told me that she heard the argument but then thought that it was kind of funny and that maybe I should stick to quieter stuff in a joking way, but now I'm really scarred against sex in other people's houses and don't think that I'll be trying that in a while. She didn't allude to anything in specific that she heard, but said that my father was okay, but it's a hard thing for a father to see.
My dad is a man full of contradictions. He was raised by hippies, so he's kind of conservative since he ended up not wanting to be basket-weaving college dropouts like his parents. He's a vegan who loves hunting and eats only what he kills, christian, libertarian who loves nature, civil war specials, and freedom. He's really understanding and let my sis get tattoos, me dye my hair, etc, even though he wouldn't gravitate towards stuff like that himself.
So glad that my first Reddit post to get over 10 up votes is about BDSM thank god i don't know anybody on here
WhichWayToAtlantis: This is hilarious, but you're really dumb. Like, really dumb.
homo_ludens: Parents should know better than rushing into their adult kid's bedroom because they "heard something" in the middle of the night though.
WhichWayToAtlantis: I mean, that's a pretty inappropriate time and place for that though right? I know if I was a parent at least I wouldn't really be expecting that. That's just me, however.
Vitalstatistix: Why would you walk in though? If you here your adult child with their SO, up at 3am, why would you just walk in without even knocking? That's a completely ridiculous and asshole thing to do.
WhichWayToAtlantis: It's their house, the man can wall wherever he pleases, asshole or not.
Vitalstatistix: I feel like we live in different worlds if you think that's totally fine and appropriate. By that logic, he can just walk into the bathroom when he knows someone's in there simply because he owns the house.
WhichWayToAtlantis: Obviously that's different....
Bottom line is that it isn't your house, you shouldn't be having kinky sex while visiting for the holidays. Same opportunity will be available when you get home.
Vitalstatistix: Is it so different from walking into your adult daughter's room she's sharing with her SO at 3am? I don't think so.
WhichWayToAtlantis: Yes. It is. There is no question that walking in on someone in the bathroom is different than walking into a room where you think something is wrong, regardless of who is in it. What kind of statement is that? What if something actually was wrong?
Vitalstatistix: You knock first.
WhichWayToAtlantis: So if you hear struggle noises coming from the room where your daughter is sleeping, you're going to stop and think, *well, I should probably knock first...*. No, you're going to go in and see if there is a problem.
Vitalstatistix: I'd knock first precisely because of things like this. If you can hear them up and don't get a response within a second or two, then go in.
| 13 | 227.153846 | |
1385856417 | 1385941042 | null | t5_2to41 | 276 | owlsrntwhattheysemen: TIFU by shitting all over my GF's face
So, for context, I am a lesbian. Now, my girlfriend and I get very little time together, due in part to my work/school schedule and the fact that her parents don't want her bringing girls over to their house. So last night was probably the first time in a month that I was free and had the apartment to myself, and my GF knew this. Unfortunately, last night was also the night that I had decided to indulge in discount Chinese takeout - the kind that smells strongly and inexplicably of rat musk. So she comes over, and we start getting to business, and things carry into the bedroom. I can feel myself getting a little queasy, but it's no big deal yet. So we switch positions to 69, and she puts her tongue on my butthole. She starts moaning, or w/e you want to call it. At this exact moment, my colon spasms and I spill liquid feces in her mouth and all over her face. Did I mention that our water is turned off?
She's uh... not answering my calls...
megalurkeruygcxrtgbn: Does the counter reset when we shit on *other* people?
k12314: I... Don't know, actually. Maybe we should reset it just for good measure? But then again we don't wanna fuck up the counter... Fuck, what do we do?
YouAndMeToo: Somebody needs to take one for the team and shit themselves
sammich_factory: ...you reset the counter, I'll go clean up.
bealmeida: Why we don't have a provision to cover this shit?!
NextArtemis: There was the one rock climber that did it all over himself and the girl below him. Which would that fall under?
| 7 | 39.428571 | |
1385858082 | 1385960181 | null | t5_2to41 | 23 | Peckerish: Tifu in the space of two minutes.
In the space of two minutes, my computer crashed, my iPod ran out of charge, my dog shat on the carpet, I trod in my dogs shit barefoot, I got absolutely soaked whilst trying to wash my dogs shit off my bare foot, mu brother stole my iPod charger, when I went into the lounge to get my charger back the dog followed me and refused to move which made my brother angry, I smashed a clay pot by accident whilst trying to get the dog out of the lounge, I trod on the remains of the pot and cut my foot open, my brother slammed the door on my head, I trod in dog piss whilst trying to sort my bloody foot out and then smacked my head against the door in frustration and now my head is swollen. TWO. FUCKING. MINUTES!
Thinksgeek: You should go buy a lottery ticket. Luck might change.
[deleted]: With his luck his numbers are all off by one.
| 3 | 7.666667 | |
1385858497 | 1385860957 | null | t5_2to41 | 29 | Janununuh: TIFU by eating Thai food on my birthday.
(*Not today,* but early last week.)
My birthday was on a Monday, so no partying was really to be had, I had class and work to go to, and with finals being next week no way was I going to skip.
Enter my lovely girlfriend, who was going to treat me to a birthday dinner anywhere I wanted.
>ohboy.gif
I really wanted to try somewhere new in town, but seeing that we've already sampled most places, the choices were limited.
*Wait a sec.* My girlfriend *loves* Thai food. We've never gotten Thai food around here before. There's a supposedly-good Thai restaurant right down the street. It's a new place, *and* the girlfriend gets to have her favorite cuisine (and maybe I'll pick up some boyfriend points here too..)
>disgonbegud.gif
She's excited. I'm excited.
*Wait. Shit.*
I didn't really think about the fact that ***I HAVE A SEVERE PEANUT ALLERGY.***
And if you've never had Thai food before, a good portion of it is [covered in peanut sauce and topped with peanuts.](http://i.imgur.com/eN1cCyq.jpg)
Ah.
Oh well, it's too late to quit now, and the menu actually has plenty of peanut-less options.
>whew.jpg
I order an entree that doesn't have peanuts, even confirm this with the waitress.
Things are going well.
Side salad comes first.
*Inspect side salad*
>*look*
>*sniff*
>*smells like miso, I should be good*
>*bite*
>*tingle*
*shit.*
***shit.***
***OH SHIT.***
Peanut dressing.
*really.*
*whatever, it was only one bite, maybe if I stop now it'll pass.* (which it sometimes does if it's only a little.)
*Appetizer Comes.*
*Is yummy, mouth still tingly though.*
*You know, I think it's actually getting better.*
*entree comes.*
*super delicious.*
*mouth feels better.*
*post-dinner talking, we're cute.*
*stomach starts to cramp.*
>*goddamnit.png*
*excuse myself to the restroom.*
*enter restroom.* (thank *christ* it's empty.)
*vomit more violently than a freshman on halloween for a couple minutes.*
*exit restroom.*
*GF knows.*
*She feels bad.*
*I feel horrible.* (both physically and for throwing up the meal she just bought me)
*Leave restaurant.*
*Walk Home.*
I feel funny.
*Look in mirror.*
*See this:*
>http://i.imgur.com/QCwJVGM.jpg
*Take four Benadryl*
*Apologize profusely to girlfriend while Benadryl takes hold over me.*
Benadryl makes me crazy, and for the rest of the night we both lay there while this thing runs its course, EpiPen at the ready just in case (Almosttt had to use it). I ended up vomiting two more times before falling asleep, and though I opened the presents she had for me, I was too tired and delirious to really appreciate them. We both felt horrible about this, I'm pretty sure I cried a bunch (I don't really remember from all the Benadryl). She spent like $100 on making my birthday fun, and I blew it. We didn't even get to eat the cake she bought me :(
Through all this, my girlfriend was an absolute champ though, and despite a bunch of work she had to get done before Tuesday she stuck around all evening with me making sure I had everything I needed, and making sure I wasn't dying.
**TL;DR: Got overconfident with some Thai food and paid the price.**
Ju1cY_0n3: If you told the Thai restaurant oh were allergic to peanuts, and they still sent you that salad, sue their ass.
I'm not one to send in lawsuits willy nilly, but you could have died because of them.
Janununuh: I inquired to whether or not there were peanuts in my entree, but didn't explicitly tell them about my allergy.
Granted, the waitress probably could have put two and two together and figured it out, but still technically my fault for not specifying.
Ju1cY_0n3: Well there's your fuck up. As someone who is friends with multiple deathly allergic to peanut people, we make sure by call that thy don't have anything to do, and sometimes we have them pre-prepare the dish specifically peanut free and in quarantine before we go.
Edit: Also, that will smith addition got me good.
| 4 | 7.25 | |
1385850418 | 1385882355 | null | t5_2to41 | 19 | Hiruis: tifu by letting my ego get the best of me.
Well it wasn't exactly today but a few days ago. I had just gotten off work and was on my drive home. I drive a mustang gt and another mustang gt pulled up next to me reving his engine, so I ignored him for the time being. But as we leave the stop light no matter how fast or slow I went he would match my speed went on for a mile. So finally my ego got the best of me because I knew I had the faster car. I dropped back down into 3rd gear and took off from a rolling 40. I was 3 car lengths ahead of him, but that's when we both noticed the flashing lights. Both of us were going 80 in a 35........ I'm a complete dumbass for doing it, I have done nothing but baby this car only put 3k miles on it. So I pulled over and he took off like a bat out of hell in another direction, another cop followed pursuit. Now I'm at risk of going to jail, losing my job (I have a pretty good job) and appartment. I have hired a lawyer so I can try to keep my job. I have no criminal history at all, just one current speeding ticket on my record in the last 3 years. I stay up at night worried and I can hardly eat. The officer let me drive home and gave me a court date. What scares me more than losing my job, is I could have killed someone. And I feel ashamed for it.
Edit: I forgot to mention that I didn't get a ticket for speeding, I got a ticket for drag racing. Which in my state is a misdemeanor class 1 on the first offence. I didn't know it was so serious until after I got home to see the penalties.
Edit 2: http://i.imgur.com/AX8xwMc.jpg
musicmann: I thought you could only get jail time for 50 over(Intent to Kill), and you were only doing 45 over so its just a bad reckless driving ticket, but this might just be in my state.
Hiruis: I live in ohio, 1st offence no matter what speed is drag racing is a 1st degree misdemeanor. But my speed was 88 (so 53 over) I was saying 80 because I don't know how fast he was going.
musicmann: oh I didn't realize they got you for drag racing, I feel you may be able to get that taken away because you were not clearly racing
Hiruis: We are trying to get it knocked down to wreckless ops or excessive speeding. I've learnt from my mistake, I'm even selling my car so im not tempted anymore. I'd rather keep a job and make a living that get into trouble.
hadey70: why sell your car man? you learned your lesson, plus im sure you love that car if you have been babying it so much.
Hiruis: Yeah I love it, I hand wash it about 1-2 times a week and wax by hand once a month. But I'm afraid I'll get comfortable with the car again, and get tempted.
http://i.imgur.com/AX8xwMc.jpg
hadey70: if you ever get tempted just remember how shitty it was the last time you did, that'll slow ya down for sure.
| 8 | 2.375 | |
1385860564 | 1386001716 | null | t5_2to41 | 164 | Vedokiin: TIFU by reading TIFU's
Just happened 15 minutes ago.
I click over to this subreddit because I'm bored as hell. Click the first non-FUOTW link about mixing BDSM and family, posted by /u/savannahisabeast (link [here](http://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/1rsux8/tifu_by_mixing_my_family_and_bdsm_nsfw/)). I start reading, highlighting with my mouse as I go to make for an easier read. Now I should say that my computer has this software that puts everything you highlight into the search engine bar. I leave the room and not 5 minutes later my mom yells for me to get back in there. I walk in and she demands to know why "daughter being strangled and gagged on the bed" is in my search engine.
Definitely some explaining to be done.
Edit: I have no idea where the software came from. I thought it was preloaded on the OS but I could be wrong.
Teddie1056: What fucking terrible program is this?
Vedokiin: It's some sort of toolbar software that came with the OS (I built the computer).
FraggleDMT: What OS are you using?
Vedokiin: Windows 7 professional. I may have been wrong when I said it came loaded onto the OS, but I didn't load it on and it was there when I installed the OS. But maybe I'm putting 2 and 2 together and getting 7
ssjkriccolo: something doesn't add up with OP...
Vedokiin: OP definitely adds up (source: OP). Any clarification I can give you?
Csardonic1: [OP](http://i.minus.com/iSbumcekrg7cu.gif)
Vedokiin: 1. OP is no liar. 2. Up vote for cutting in recently cut feel wounds
Csardonic1: I was just looking for any excuse to use that gif :)
| 10 | 16.4 | |
1385865237 | 1386020119 | null | t5_2to41 | 25 | [deleted]: TIFU By Holding it in
So today I was home alone, and decided to flog my log, because I'm lonely, and I turned on the computer. Searched for the porn, found the one i was looking for.
Everything's going great and I'm feeling on top of the world, when sexually crazed me decides, "Hey, why don't I try CLAMPING MY FORESKIN when I cum, to see what happens?"
Of course, nothing good could have happened.
So I was on the edge of shooting the Shooting the wand, and I grab the tip of my foreskin and hold it shut.
I hold it for a sec, then i can't and it bursts; I felt like my dick imploded.
It still burns right now.
Ouch.
Tl;DR: Tried to snuff out the flame, while in reality no human could control it, and my pee pee almost imploded
MachinatioVitae: I no idea why I'm telling you this, but to hold back: push on your perineum (your "taint") when you're about to orgasm. You'll still have the orgasm, but you won't ejaculate. You have to keep pressing until your erection fades or else you risk ejaculating. It can feel weird and doing it too much may bruise your perineum.
maybeilllurkmore: That's actually not good for you, at all.
| 3 | 8.333333 | |
1385864367 | 1385888534 | null | t5_2to41 | 31 | gusset25: TIFU by paying my gf a compliment
scene: sextytimes.
background: i love those silvery white lines on a girl's body, stretchmarks but not the red ones. it's a bit weird but hey, i don't judge you...
i've been with my gf for four months. i've accepted the fact that her body, which i love, is free of these marks. but today, something was different. her skin-tone seemed a bit darker and i noticed it highlighted some of these ethereally-coloured creases on her back. I lovingly traced them with my fingertips.
then two parts of my brain decided to act without consulting each other. i was so happy with this minor discovery that i blurted out
>"hey, did you use fake tan? i can see stretchmarks"
she buried her head in the bed and didn't speak to me for five minutes. when i tried to persuade her it was intended as a compliment, that only made things worse :(
girlbotic: That's so cute and sweet. Explain your brain fart/admiration to her and hopefully she'll see that too! It's awesome that you find beauty in the natural flaws female bodies have. It's hard for women to accept these things, but tell her! Knowing men can be attracted to these natural "flaws" makes women feel more secure and comfortable!
gusset25: she already knew because i'd shared it with her. i didn't make it clear in my post, but her reaction was incredulous laughter, not anger. that's why she couldn't speak to me. we got past it quickly but with a different person it could have ended badly!
| 3 | 10.333333 | |
1385877107 | 1385889773 | null | t5_2to41 | 10 | Deezznutzz45: TIFU by telling a girl that liked her.
I was trying to hook-up with this girl when she tells me her ex said he never liked her. Unknown to me, she's bi-polar and shit really hit the fan when the next message she sent had her signature as "I am going to kill myself tonight" That's when I had to put on my SUPA NIGGA suit and save her. It took me almost three hours to talk her out of it and now she's attached to me, she's also calling me "baby" now. Im open to any suggestions on what to do with her.
Giotto10: for you sake i hope this isn't real if not you are in for one hell of a ride.
one last thing. DON't STICK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Deezznutzz45: this is real, had I known she was bi-polar I would've got the fuck up outta there.
GrapePlasma: I'm freaking out for you
| 4 | 2.5 | |
1385881116 | 1385919629 | null | t5_2to41 | 67 | [deleted]: TIFU by being a bottom.
Some friends and I decided to go sledding because it finally snowed here. All was fun and a little painful, but it was tolerable.
Then, we come up with this idea of laying on each other then doing down the hill. I, a 5'7 female, climbed aboard a 6'5 male, and flew down the hill. Yeah, I fell off then rolled on my own for a bit, but it was fine. I may have rolled into a puddle but whatever.
Then, I decided to be the bottom. However this time, me and 2 other bottoms were laying on our sleds at the top of the hill, and two guys were on top of the three of us. Laying across, hopefully you can picture this.
So we all try to go down the hill together, I being the only female bottom here. And once we get going, my face got caught in the snow. And you know what happened? We kept going down.
**i went face first down half of the hill.**
After the half way point, the rest of the group ran over me and kept going, but I let go. At the bottom of the hill, after hitting my head on several hunks of snow and ice, I found myself laying in a muddy puddle of slush with half of my face soaked, with a swollen hand and cheek, partially concussed I think.
And then went for round two with my 6'5 top, however I didn't get trampled.
**Tl;dr: tried to bottom two guys on a sled, ended up nearly dying at the end of a hill with swollen body parts and a partial concussion**
AveandFin: From the title, this isn't the story I thought it would be...
olgaslam: Heh, I was kinda aiming for that. We kept referring to everyone as tops and bottoms for shits and giggles so I thought I'd just use that vocab here to throw people off.
fourZero: The only thing that really threw me off, is the lack of the metric system.
I did giggle though, so good job. ;)
| 4 | 16.75 | |
1385882313 | 1385884402 | null | t5_2to41 | 6 | Taco_Turian: TIFU by treating Paul Walker's death like it was nothing
I basically said that: yeah, his death is unfortunate, but thousands of other people die everyday. We shouldn't value his death over all the others. That we should mourn and just move on.
I sounded like a huge asshole.
A friend of mine pointed out how disrespectful that was to his friends and family. I feel so goddamn bad right now.
I wish I could go back an hour and just not say that.
EDIT: So the general consensus on here seems to be that I didn't really fuck up, I'm just kind of insensitive.
Roncanator: Well, you are right. Unless your friends were part of his friends/family I don't think you said anything wrong.
hadey70: exactly, i don't see any fault in what he said. You are entitled to your own opinion, in which i agree with. Just because you are famous doesn't make you more important that anyone else that dies, we're all human beings fellas and we don't live forever.
Taco_Turian: I've said that, but the response is still fairly negative, with some calling me cold and heartless.
I've apologized, but people still seem to be focusing on my fuck up.
I can only hope everyone forgets in a few weeks so I can discretely delete all evidence of this...
hadey70: whatever, if anything the cold heartless ones are the people who value the importance of your death based on the fact that you are famous or not. Bring up all the other deaths that happen in a day. Are they heartless due to the fact they don't care as much about those people? no, so they can calm down and stop calling you heartless for your own opinion.
| 5 | 1.2 | |
1385894521 | 1385967294 | null | t5_2to41 | 125 | oscarzr: TIFU by having my penis be allergic to vagina
No throwaway because I am just pissed off at myself at this point. So this has happened twice already with the same girl. So we get ready for the sexy times, stuff starts going down, we start playing a little handball, start exploring with our mouths, and then it comes time for the big finale and all of the sudden....limp like the bizkit. IT'S RIDICULOUS! Then I will stop trying, and she will jerk or suck me off and it would be perfectly fine. I just feel like such a huge douche bag because she keeps asking me if it is her, and it's not, because she is sweet, caring, and all around beautiful girl and I completely enjoy spending time with her and I really care for her. The first time I just chalked it up to maybe I had a few more drinks than I should have, but then we tried again tonight and still no dice. And it's not like I'm getting old, I am definitely young. I guess my dick is just broken....Oh well.
tl;dr: misunderstood directions, dick broken
DontPassTheEggNog: The problem here is you beat your dick like it owed you money and without using a grip strong enough to choke a fully grown man it's just not enough sensation to stay erect.
Sending you on over to /nofap
Tittytickler: It could just be performance anxiety. Not everything gets solved by not masturbating
darthdelicious: I'd wager that not masturbating solves more problems than masturbating fixes.
Tittytickler: It has a lot more health benefits than not masturbating
| 5 | 25 | |
1385902702 | 1385905019 | null | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: TIFU by googling my friend's name
Well we have had quite a rough time and I told her to ignore me, so she does, and very well, might I add. Since I have some strong feelings for her, it actually hurts me really bad and I tried to apologize, without effect, it seems. So this morning out of my misery I just randomly googled her name to find porn with her.. It was shocking at first, but to think of it, I don't care and still like her. But, she really can see into you and I bet she will find out I know.
Therefore I am gonna try all kinds of methods of loosing memory of this day, starting with alcohol, and ending with physical trauma caused to the brain. I'll be happy for some exotic tips and ideas. Wish me luck.
TL;DR: my friend did porn few years ago and I found out and she can't find out that I found out.
jediwill: I thought people usually didnt use their real names for this sort of thing....
Vegasome: it was the fake agent casting thingy I think...not gonna watch it to find out lol
jediwill: Well her real name is obviously connected with the video or it wouldnt have came up....I guess if its a fake agency they cant be all be all like "Um ok...so you need to go in that door and sit on that couch for the interview.....OH and your name is Stacy Stuffin..." "Why the hell is my..." ”LOOK GODDAMMIT DO YOU WANT THE PART OR NOT?" So obviously to get her to let her guard down they would want her to use her real name..wow thats wacked man.
| 4 | 1.5 | |
1385921872 | 1386019260 | null | t5_2to41 | 6 | iampinkninja: TIFU by scratching part of my left eye lens off
I'm a country guy, which means I love being outside in nature, camping, hiking, canoeing... and I often go out for walks for a couple hours as a way to relax. So last night was nothing out of the ordinary, other than that I'm getting over a cold, so I decided to have a bonfire to keep warm for a few hours. Because its winter and there's snow everywhere, its quite lite all night and I need to use light. I was almost out of the woods and on my street, 15 minutes from home when I took a twig to the eye. I didn't have time to close my eyes so it went right in. I felt it go in under my lower eyelid and come out again :( I powered home and didn't think much of it till I looked in the mirror and saw that a piece of my lens was scratched off. There wasn't much I could do, so I went to bed. When I woke up this morning my eye is still hurts. I figured there's not much point in going to a doctor because there's really nothing to do. All the doctor would do it is look at it and tell me to not use my eye for a while. Now I'm hiding in my room because I'm sure the soccer sock tied around my head I'm using as an eye patch looks ridiculous.
TLDR: Took a nature walk last night and a twig scratched a part of my eye lens off, now I'm sitting in my room playing pirate with a sock tied around my head.
Homletmoo: I had a papercut to the eye once. Seriously, go to the doctor. At worst you'll get a patch for a couple of days and prescription of eye drops, and it beats scar tissue across the pupil.
iampinkninja: The scratch is above the pupil and I'm already wearing a patch. Its almost healed already so I'm not that worried. My body is mostly capable of healing itself, but I would be going to the doctors at the first sign of any infection. Till then, I'm keeping the patch on as much as possible and not sticking my dirty fingers in my eye.
| 3 | 2 | |
1385923962 | 1385927172 | null | t5_2to41 | 2 | Throwaway14yearold: TIFU Assuming my Chinese friend knew how to use chopsticks
I asked my friend to go to lunch and we agreed on a Chinese place I (black) got chopsticks and my friend got a fork when we left I asked him why he got a fork and he said it was because he did not know how to use chopsticks I said that he out of all people should know how to use
chopsticks (he was born in China) and I did not say this because he was Chinese I said this because that is what people in china use to eat (he lived there for 12 years.
pissing_angels: You made a throwaway for this stupid ass story?
Throwaway14yearold: yup
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1385934427 | 1385998048 | null | t5_2to41 | 864 | [deleted]: TIFU by burning by pubic hair
I've been burning my body hair because I love the smell of burnt hair. Sometimes I just rip out some hair out of my head just to burn and smell it.
Half an hour ago I decided to burn my pubic hair.
Big mistake.
Normally when I am burning hair I am burning it bit by bit. I burn a hair then remove the lighter. It never keeps burning by itself the fire always goes away the moment I remove the lighter.
But because pubic hair are really dense the fire didn't went out but instead kept spreading becoming bigger and bigger. I was burning downstairs for at least 5 seconds (ok I lied at least 3 seconds but it felt long!)
Currently at the hospital (drove there myself). The burning looks pretty nasty and I think I should have it checked out.
If it is inevitable and my parents know something is wrong with my private region (e.g. because I walk weird) what should I tell them?
(I live in Germany insurance is pretty good. It is night so family doctor is closed.)
plsdontstalk: Long story but this seems like the time...
Back in 2005ish I was your basic 19 year old guy living in NE Alabama. Worked an easy fast food job that didn't drug test and smoked my fair share of marijuana.
One faithful day we were all at my friend Melody's house and decided to light up in her basement. It was me, the girl I was seeing at the time, Melody, her boyfriend, and a random couple I had never met before. We were all in Melody's basement which was really small... maybe 12x12 feet? Sitting around the radio listening to crappy 90s alternative, probably The Buzz or Buzz Ballads if I had my guess.
This particular night we were passing around hollowed out Black and Milds packed with weed. The 6 of us had 3 lit at the same time and had them going around the circle. We were fucking baked.
I remember getting a lighter and goofing around burning some of the hair off my calf and everybody bitching about the smell. I kinda black out for a few minutes and when I come to my senses I am sitting there with my shorts and boxers around my knees, bare assed on Melody's couch flaming up my pubes.
By the time I realized I was about 80% bald with the smoothest "shave" imaginable.
I slowly looked up at everybody... every one of them... even the 2 strangers I had never met... were sitting there with their mouths agape watching with morbid fascination.
God, I'm glad camera phones were still a somewhat new thing and we were all poor and still rocking our old blue Nokias.
TLDR, flame "shaved" my entire genital area in front of 5 people, 2 of which i had never met, in a small room while high.
Biffingston: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tWzpMWs2Tpc
This guy's barber shop must smell GREAT... /s
RepRap3d: >He's convinced his candles are more effective than the conventional barber's tools.
For afros maybe.. I don't want to see what happens when somebody with straight hair walks into his shop.
edit: In writing this comment I first wrote "For black people maybe," then decided not to summon SRS. I just realized "afro" is short for "african."
Biffingston: Eh.. For what it's worth that's exaclty what I was thinking when I posted that.
I wouldn't want this done with my hair, it's thin and straight.
HoochCow: I used to have long hair before my hair line started receding. at this time I also used to be a smoker. I always wore my hair parted in the middle. I was lightning a smoke up and the wind blew my hair into the lighter, whole side of my head went up in flames. I smacked em out fast enough to not get burnt, but goddamn long straight hair burns fast.
Biffingston: yikes. Glad that story didnt' end with "Well after I got out of the burn ward" at least...
HoochCow: I'm pretty lucky when it comes to getting burnt. (unless I'm cooking, then its open season for my flesh) Like back in highs school I decided I wanted to learn how to weld. (I sucked at it, never got better if you're wondering) but one day a piece of hot slag got into my shoe. I can say I have NEVER removed a shoe faster in my entire life, normally this will leave a nasty blister. I got my foot out of there so fast that it didn't have time to burn me. But fuck I can just walk past a grill or pan with grease on it and a boiling hot bubble will pop and splash my arm hands or face and leave a burn. It sucks.
Biffingston: *chuckles* My dad taught welding for about 20 years. You develop an immunity, it's really weird. I don't know what it is, but embers I'd flinch away from he just took.
Though it's intresting to note that welders can't get MRIs because you wind up with metal partacles in your skin that would be forcably removed under the powerful magnents.
Or so I hear.
HoochCow: never heard that one about the MRI's. And it makes sense to get a sort of immunity to it. I don't like seeing anything flying at me embers sparks or whatever. Kinda makes me have to flinch
Biffingston: Yah, well I know I did cullanary for a couple years in the Job Corps.. I've accidently brushed my fingers against cookie sheets that had been in ovins at the end with no effect. Granted they were only like 300 degrees.. but still.
JLPatter: And yet I tap my finger against a pizza pan straight out the oven ans I get the most massive bubble ever. Which, just in case you wanted to know I later slammed in the door way accidentally 2 hours later
Biffingston: ... ><
| 13 | 66.461538 | |
1385945147 | 1385988102 | null | t5_2to41 | 61 | LegendaryPrimate: TIFU by setting my house on fire
Some background:
The windows in my house are sealed around the sides with duct tape to prevent unnecessary drafts. It's an old historic house and it gets very cold.
The story:
I was boiling some water on my stovetop to make pasta, but when I went to put the pasta in, I dropped a handful of it all over the stovetop and floor. I went to grab a broom, and got distracted my roommates, so when I returned to the stove a few minutes later, a long piece of pasta which had fallen into the burner had caught fire. In fact, it burned all the way down, off the stove, and by the time I returned to the kitchen, it had set my paper towels on fire.
I opened the window and threw the paper towels out into the snow, but inadvertently set the duct tape on the window frame on fire as well. I panicked, and my roommate came running to the kitchen. He screamed as though he was a 9-year-old girl. Fortunately, I thought to grab the detachable sprayer from our sink and quenched the fire before it spread too far.
The damage isn't bad. Nothing structural, just cosmetic. My pasta burned though :-( Now I'm still hungry.
**Tl;dr** Set my house on fire, roommate screams like a girl, I'm still hungry,
WhichWayToAtlantis: So the situation with your roommate got a little heated huh
Mjtmaster: No.
| 3 | 20.333333 | |
1385943580 | 1386127177 | null | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU by leaving a party early
I went to my friends birthday party, i knew everyone there but i didn't like all but maybe 30% of the people at the party. The night went smooth, i talked and looked through year books and had snacks and drinks when i gave my friend her birthday card. I also told her that i wanted to leave early to go hang out with real friends because no one there was anyone i liked. She asked me to stay later than i wanted so i asked if i could leave. She knew that all i was doing was going to smoke dope with my friends and that I'm a jerk for dong it. She then just yelled and told me to leave and i was proceeded to be kicked out of her house. now she is pissed off at me for wanting to have fun with my real friends and not there with people i only half knew. I'm going to try and apologize today and hope we can still be friends.
tl;dr went to party, wanted to leave early to go smoke, friend gets mad and proceed to be kicked out
SubzeroQK: You maybe could have gotten laid, but i guess your cool with that.
[deleted]: Well she doesn't want to date me anyway cause we are totally different and she is a virgin so either way she wouldn't have
SubzeroQK: If theirs a will theirs a way. Suit yourself, in a not-condescending way.
[deleted]: well i do have the will.............. of the warrior
SubzeroQK: Sorry, i meant ask my friend Will.. hes a champ at this kinda stuff.
[deleted]: okay give me will's number cause i really need all the help i can get
| 7 | 0.714286 | |
1385945261 | 1386003584 | null | t5_2to41 | 39 | possibly_an_idiot: TIFU by shitting my pants halfway through my shift
I didn't think I was going to poop.
But I did.
It's already been a long day. Between an employee call out and bitchy holiday shoppers I never imagined how it could get worse.
I was just doing inventory in one of our departments, letting little lunch farts squeak by now and again. One was a little more substantial, which caught my attention. I realized we had a problem when I *felt it*
I immediately ran for the bathroom to do damage control - I'll spare you the details. I've got another solid 2 hours at work and can't leave on account of being the manager on duty.
Sharts are still funny, so that's good I guess.
Lakonthegreat: Reset the goddamn counter.
313411: Fucking hell...
Can somebody tell me the how far the counter has ever gotten?
Danny_the_Intern: I think the record might be upwards of two whole days.
| 4 | 9.75 | |
1385944229 | 1385979070 | null | t5_2to41 | 133 | SOAD4593: TIFU by trying jacking off then falling asleep.
So it was about one week ago when me and 3 friends (2 guy friends and one of their girlfriends) all went to LA to have some fun. So we arrived at our motel around ten o'clock. Most of us were pretty sleepy, but not me, I needed my daily fap. The motel we had rented only had two beds so one friend got the bed with his gf and my other friend got the other bed. I had to sleep on the floor. But my need for jacking off was driving me crazy, so I waited until all of them fell asleep. I was waiting like a ninja in darkness with my mushroom meat begging to be fapped. I waited for about an hour and I started get sleepy. But I fought through my drowsiness and started fapping. About half way through I fell asleep. I awoke to my friends laughing at me at around 9 in the morning, I looked down and saw I was still grasping my (suprisingly still hard) dong. I havent spoke to any of them since last week.
tunguskanraider: "Mushroom meat" I died haha
satannik: rip /u/tunguskanraider
| 3 | 44.333333 | |
1385956292 | 1386120122 | null | t5_2to41 | 24 | banned125: TIFU by telling a friend I was uncomfortable
My wife and I have been attempting to get an open relationship started, and she's been wanting to sleep with another friend of mine. I've been helping her ease into it with him, and letting him know I was ok with it and that she had my full permission to do whatever she felt she wanted to do with him.
flash forward a week, and I accidentally mentioned that I wasn't comfortable talking about it in my current state of mind (sober) and he blew up on me. He said he'd known something was wrong the whole time, that there was no way I was really going to let him and that I was just fucking with both of their emotions.
In reality, I just didn't want to talk about it. I was ok with it. Sure, it bothered me that my wife of two years told me she wanted to sleep with one of my close friends, but I apparently wasn't making her happy enough and she'd found someone who could. Why would I say no to her being happy?
[deleted]: Just curious how old the both of you are? I definitely would not be able to handle an open relationship...
banned125: 22 soon. We laid out ground rules (this time around) and we've abided by them since they were set. The only qualm I have with the whole thing is I'm insecure. I'm sure that if she does get something she wants from someone else, that they'll be so much better that she decides she doesn't need me.
Whether it be better sex, or a better emotional understanding, or more money. I'm just scared. that's my only problem with the idea of an open relationship.
[deleted]: Was it entirely her idea, or did you want it too? Was it because she was unhappy with something about you or is it just a fetish or something of hers? Is the relationship with your friend going to be purely sexual? If you don't mind me asking these questions. I'm just curious and find it interesting is all.
And if all you have against it is that insecurity, I'd say don't worry about it. Even if it's an open relationship she still chose/chooses to be with you for a reason. She could have found someone better when it wasn't open almost as easy. No sense in worrying about her leaving since if she does then there was no stopping it. You seem like a nice guy though, don't let her take advantage of that.
banned125: Originally her idea, but the idea of it turns me on.
She wants it because she feels like I'm the only person to have ever wanted her (and its getting worse because she identifies as a male, and is asking to be recognized as one.)
The relationship was to start as purely sexual, and if emotion started, I was to be ok with it.
DTorakhan: Dude. As someone who's tried poly, have some years of experience on you, and all that. This is just a bad idea to begin with; it would not end well.
"If emotion started, I was to be ok with it." That right there? That's a MAJOR red light. You can not just simple cut off your own feels, nor should you be expected to.
| 6 | 4 | |
1385957149 | 1386005239 | null | t5_2to41 | 55 | MustTurnLeftOnRed: TIFU by letting a 2 year old get the best of me and sent me into a rage.
It was my wifes birthday and she had some friends over to celebrate. One of her friends brought over their 2 year old son. He was playing aggressively with my 1 and a half year old daughter and it really pissed me off. Later in the night I totally lost my shit and got really pissed off. I left and went for a drive to cool off but not before saying what a little shit their kid was. Well fuck me looks like I'm the bad guy.
DeliciousPumpkinPie: Ah yes, that feel when dealing with parents who won't acknowledge that their child is anything less than a perfect little angel.
Just let them have their delusions for now. Let them see the results of their bad parenting when their child grows up and becomes a teenager.
Hatweed: I wouldn't jump to that conclusion just yet. He didn't give us a very detailed story, more of just a quick synopsis typed out on the phone as he drives around pissed off. It could just as easily turn out that he just sat there not saying anything to the other parents and then just exploded out of nowhere. No reason to crucify anyone when we know so little about what these kids were doing.
DeliciousPumpkinPie: This is true, I suppose. Although I may be a bit biased because my wife works in childcare and some of the stories I hear from her confirm that practically all parents today are lazy and don't discipline their kids worth a damn. Your mileage may vary, I suppose. :/
| 4 | 13.75 |
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