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- All right.
- Nice work.
You know, she's been press secretary for, like, two weeks now.
- Hey, you.
- Hey, Mom.
Oh...
Nice to see a friendly face.
Um, Mom, I had a question, but, I mean, if you're busy...
- Oh, no.
- Sorry, ma'am.
It's the White House operator.
It's Nora.
Uh, would you tell her to hold, please?
What is it?
Um, well, I was wondering if I could skip this state dinner tonight?
- Oh, Becca.
I was hoping...
- Madam President.
Nora implied that it was a matter of urgency.
Of course it is.
It's just...
I have to study for this huge test, um, with a friend.
- Ma'am?
- OK.
- Um, Mom...?
- I don't know, Becca.
You know?
Why don't you just follow your conscience?
Vince.
Any luck on that John Tyler biography?
|
- Did you find it yet?
- Uh, no, ma'am.
We're still searching.
What is it, Nora?
Wait.
Slow down.
What did they say exactly?
OK, just...
Just keep this quiet and continue business as usual.
Thank you, Nora.
It seems the Russian president has suddenly taken ill.
He's still coming to the state dinner, right?
I don't know.
What did you promise them, Nate?
- Is there anybody else?
- Yeah.
Sure.
Sure there is.
- And who's that?
- Francis.
And not Francis Barnes at Agriculture.
Mills Francis at Defense.
If Teddy were here to see what you were doing, he'd have your head...
If Teddy were alive to see this, it wouldn't be necessary...
Sit.
Three resignations.
And if you think that's embarrassing, you just wait till you see what happens when she tries to get her nominees for those positions confirmed.
- Nate, we're trying...
- No, no.
Come on, please.
|
You're not gonna touch me with your self-righteous indignation.
You want her gone just as much as I do.
- It ends.
- It's just begun.
Sit down.
Please, Jim.
Sit.
I want you to resign.
You can take till the end of the month.
Whatever.
I want you to resign as well.
Why would I do that?
When I become president I want you to join the others in my administration.
I'm not sure if I could stomach it.
Being your chief of staff?
I don't want you to be my chief of staff.
I want you to be my vice president.
Now that got your attention, didn't it?
First African American vice president.
You and me, Jim.
We can save this country.
We can save it from her.
And don't you think about your loyalty to the office.
You think about your loyalty to your people.
I'm gonna need your answer by the state dinner.
You'll have it.
Good.
Oh, Mrs. Kharkova.
I didn't realize you were still here.
I was just looking for my husband.
|
Mmm...
The first gentleman is in the kitchen addressing a crisis.
I'm sure he was thrilled with that responsibility.
He has been a gracious host.
Ah...
So, you saw the press conference.
You know, this summit almost didn't happen.
My husband wanted to cancel the visit.
He would never admit it, but, um,
I think he was intimidated to meet you, Madam President.
- Why would he be intimidated by me?
- Your reputation precedes you.
He was afraid you were gonna put him on the spot.
And you did.
President Bridges never would have done that.
I spoke my mind.
- That shouldn't be so intimidating.
- Mmm.
As much as Americans claim to be students of history, they forget their own.
We are just 15 years into the experiment that your country continues after 200 years.
It took you 90 years to get rid of slavery, and 150 to give women the right to vote.
- It's not always easy.
- No.
You and my husband are both independent thinkers who struggle each day against a people who seek to protect the status quo.
Mrs. Kharkova, I sincerely hope that your husband is feeling well enough to attend tonight's state dinner.
Is there anything I can get him?
Chicken soup, perhaps?
There is one thing.
And I'm guessing it's not soup.
Fast-track our entry into the World Trade Organization.
|
Uh, technically, I'm not in control of the WTO.
Oh.
Well, technically, my husband isn't in control of releasing the dissident journalists.
I see.
I'm so glad we had a chance to talk.
- Me too.
- Thank you.
Good.
Yes.
I'm never gonna get this.
I'm gonna be in summer school.
It's easy.
See, according to Mendel, a dominant gene will always express itself.
Like... curly hair.
- Thanks.
- I'm serious.
- What's going on here, Rebecca?
- I'm... studying.
- A-ha.
And you are...?
- Mike Flemming, sir.
Hi, Mike.
Can I speak to you for a moment in private?
- Um... sure.
- Great.
One sec.
Why aren't you dressed for the state dinner?
- I'm not going.
- Go get dressed right now.
There's too much going on for you to pull one of...
|
No, no, no.
Mom said it was cool.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Sorry 'bout that.
- Is everything cool?
- Yeah.
It's fine.
- Study hard.
- Say hi to Kelly for me.
Hey.
I don't want you leaving your sister's side this evening.
No.
I'm not staying in there with her stupid boyfriend.
Just do it, OK?
You can stay up as late as you want.
Fine.
You can play my video games.
Excuse me.
- Hi, Amy.
- Hi, Rebecca.
Hey.
Why'd you tell Rebecca she didn't have to come?
What do you mean?
I told her she had to.
You said she didn't.
You said that it was cool.
Cool?
Does that sound like something I would say?
Listen.
|
When it comes to our kids, if I say something, that's gotta matter.
Do you really want to get into this now?
Yeah.
Yeah, I do.
It's not the first time the kids have tried
- to play us against each other.
- That's not the point.
Our first state dinner is in ten minutes.
Could this possibly wait two hours?
How do we know Kharkov'll even show up?
Well, I have to think if their relationship is anything like ours,
Mrs. Kharkova will have a great deal of influence.
- Nora.
- Madam President, bright news.
We've been notified the Russian delegation's on their way.
Thank you.
Attention!
- Madam Kharkova.
- Madam President.
- Madam Kharkova.
- President Kharkov.
I'm so pleased you decided to join us this evening.
I'm not here for you.
I am here for my wife.
And my country.
As far as I'm concerned, we're nowhere.
Speaker of the house, Nathan Templeton, and his aide, Jayne Murray.
- Mr. Speaker.
- Madam President.
Mr. First Gentleman.
|
- Nathan.
- My wife regrets... apologizes.
She still has not yet recovered.
- You give her my best.
- She'll appreciate that.
Thank you.
You've had quite a day.
You get an A for comportment.
You remember my chief of staff, Jayne Murray.
Jayne.
Madame.
Nice to meet you.
October 4, 1957 was a disappointing day in American history.
It's the day we lost the space race.
When Americans looked skyward, we could see just the faintest glimmer of the Soviet Union's success.
Sputnik was launched that day.
On the other side of the world, a young aeronautical engineer looked to our shared sky with great pride.
Anatoly Kharkov, President Kharkov's father, was just 26 years old at the time.
Anatoly Kharkov was an innovator.
He played a key role in bringing one of the the most vital tools of democracy to the world.
Communication.
Barriers have been broken, walls have crumbled.
But there's still a lot of work to be done.
If we hope for a peaceful and prosperous future, then we must put aside our personal agenda and stand shoulder to shoulder together.
Thank you.
- Thanks.
- No problem.
You do look good in a tux, Mr. Gardner.
Hmm.
He needs your answer now.
|
Man, if I was your age I'd be crawling out of my skin.
What, are you kidding?
I love this stuff.
Guess it's 'cause I'm pretty mature.
All danced out, Grace?
May I?
- I miss Teddy.
- He was a great president.
Congratulations.
It was a lovely evening.
These, uh, last two years,
I had no idea how much thought and attention was given to every detail.
You always made everything look so easy.
Rod, seeing your wife up there tonight, she made it clear she is the president.
Suddenly, I just feel like I'm a guest in someone else's home.
Oh, you know you're always welcome here...
One who has overstayed.
It's your home now.
You belong here.
- Good night.
- Good night.
Madam President, here you go.
One Oliver Chitwood biography of President John Tyler.
- Piece of cake.
- Really?
Well, let's say there's a shop owner in Georgetown who may be attending our next state dinner.
- May-May I ask why?
- Uh...
Our tenth president, John Tyler.
Not a lot of people know, he was the first VP to take over the presidency, when Harrison died in office.
|
- I didn't know that.
- Yeah.
His enemies tried to undermine him by forcing Harrison's cabinet to resign.
But they didn't think it through.
Ended up making Tyler even more powerful.
- Bedside reading?
- Yeah, just not for my bedside.
Yes, ma'am.
Busted.
Mr. Speaker.
Uh-huh. "Mr. Speaker. "
When it's all said and done, the woman is our president.
She deserves the benefit of the doubt, a chance...
Stop.
You can't give her, you can't give anybody a chance.
You don't learn to be the president on the job.
The stakes are too high, Jim.
The president has to be the president from the get-go.
You're right.
And maybe you'd be better at it than her.
But Teddy gave you an opportunity and you said no.
You put her in office.
Way I see it, you owe it to the country to make sure she's the best president she can be.
- Think about your people, Nate.
- My people?
The American people.
OK.
It's a mistake, Jim.
But OK.
Jayne looks lovely in her dress, doesn't she?
|
- Yeah, she does.
- Enjoy your evening.
Madam President, would you like to dance?
I'd be delighted.
Thank you.
Excuse me, Mr. President.
But I need to borrow our president on an urgent matter.
Excuse me.
- Alex?
- It's just not done.
- What?
- You.
- You can't dance with Kharkov.
- Why?
Is he a bad dancer?
- A good dancer?
- It's just unprecedented.
- What do you think I am?
- Everything OK?
We've hit a hiccup.
President Kharkov wants to dance with our president.
World leaders cannot...
Shouldn't be dancing together.
What's the protocol?
- We're trying to figure that out.
- It cannot be that big of a deal.
- Are you out of your mind?
- Alex...
Ma'am, I think...
Our staffs must think this is inappropriate.
|
Dmitry, we are the world's leaders.
I think we can decide what's appropriate.
Thank you for asking me to dance.
Acknowledging my father.
It meant a lot to me.
I didn't see much of him as a boy, but his contribution outlives him.
I'll do everything in my power to provide an assistance package that allows Russia to qualify for entry into the WTO.
I will give the matter of the dissident journalists the attention it deserves.
- Is she leading?
- She's leading, all right.
Good evening.
Mr. Speaker.
A gift from the president.
President Tyler?
That's her counterpunch.
I slip it and we go to round two.
Clever girl.
Previously on "commander in chief"... the president has had a stroke.
What happens now,do I take the oath?
Madam vice president,we need you to resign.
I'm going to go out there, and I'm going to take the oath of office.
The president of the united states.
you have a country full of people who believe in you.
Those are the nominees that I can guarantee I can get through congress.
I want you to be my chief of staff.
They don't see me as a spouse,they see me as an advisor.
Do yourself a favor,rod,stay in your lane.
- I went to public school.
- So I have to go to public school,too.
|
Templeton is not choosing my vice president.
- She's picked somebody.
- It's warren keaton.
What's going on,jayne?
Mackenzie allen needs to show a little respect.
If you want a man who's worth a damn in this job, you gotta make this job worth a damn.
He won't be confirmed,not with what I know.
With all due respect,ma'am, this state visit is not a negotiation with the russians.
It's a pre-approved package,a photo op, a goodwill tea party with the russians.
In other words,no items on the table that haven't been agreed to.
Implicit in a state visit is the idea that the pact's already been signed,ma'am.
True,but by the previous administration.
I have yet to weigh in on any substantive issue.
We can't take the chance of derailing your first summit.
It's too pubc a venue for missteps.
I wasn't planning on making any missteps,jim.
I'm simply asking a question.
Kharkov is not the guy about jailed dissident journalists.
Ma'am,the truth is, our nascent administration needs the win more than his does.
All right,well,big day tomorrow.
Let's all try to get some rest,shall we?
Thank you.
As requested,I had the russia desk translate a few phrases for you.
Oh,thank you,eli.
- Good luck,tomorrow,ma'am.
- Thank you.
For a second,I thought I was being handed a script to read from.
Increases in natural gas production, forward movement on the russian/american space station.
We're still accomplishing some big things here.
Yet human rights still don't make the list.
|
Not this time.
Thank you.
Hi.
Oh,good for you.
You know,ddy's head never even hit the pillow the night before his first state visit.
He spent half the night practicing his salute in the mirror.
President bridges always seemed like such a rock.
It's funny to think of him as nervous.
Don't you worry.
You're going to be wonderful tomorrow.
Thank you.
Or,rather,today.
- Good night.
- Good nig.
So my chief of staff-- he won't even discuss bringing up the dissident journalists with kharkov.
He's just--you know,he shutse down every time.
He just starts lecturing me.
Oh,lectures.
Lectures are bad.
All right.
Into bed.
You just gotta learn to turn off your mind.
You can't claim to have a free society if you don't have a free press.
No.
mommy!
Daddy!
Mommy!
Mommy!
- Oh,I'm coming.
I'm coming.
|
- Honey,you okay?
Baby,it's okay.
You're having a bad dream.
It's okay.
Oh.
- What happened?
- I couldn't find you.
I was looking all over for you,
- and I couldn't find you.
- Oh,I'm here now.
I'm here.
Mommy's here,baby.
She had a nightmare.
Go.
Go.
she's okay.
sorry,sir
My eggs are overcooked.
I like the yolks runny.
- Yours okay?
- Oh,perfect.
Stay out of trouble last night?
Yeah,it was fine.
We had dinner at--oh!
I completely forgot.
I ran into general keaton last night at the palm.
You what?
Did her esteemed vice presidential candidate have anything to say for himself?
Said he was looking forward to the confirmation hearing.
He wondered if you might send the questions in advance.
|
the wanker.
What did you tell him?
I said he was wearing a nice tie.
He was the toast of the room last night--he and his wife.
You have to pick up the N.S.A. In 20 minutes.
Yeah.
It's going to be a challenging day for our president.
I think by the end of it, she may well wish that she went back to running a school.
Good morning.
Got some fresh chocolate chip muffins for you today.
Sam,what are you doing to me?
You know I have a gown to fit into tonight.
Have you seen amy's subtraction workbook?
Um,I saw it under the portrait of coolidge.
- Have you seen this?
- What?
Op-ed piece.
- The "times"?
- "Post."
Hey!
Hey,I'm the president.
Go get yourself another muffin.
Yeah,there's,uh,something like that in the "times," too.
I know.
Thank you,sam.
They're all the same.
Will I be able to handle the summit?
Whether I'll confront kharkov on his country's retreat from civil liberties.
Hey,horace,have you seen my biology book?
- I don't know.
|
- Look under coolidge.
Good morning.
Just wanted to make sure we're all up to speed for the state dinner this evening.
Wait,you mean that state dinner thing is tonight?
oh,yes,very exciting,isn't it?
- bye,daddy.
- Bye,h.
See you,guys.
See ya.
- bye,mommy.
- Come on,guys.
Becca,what?
No good-bye?
Bye.
Madam president,mr.
Calloway,
- big day--big,big day.
- I can hardly wait.
Oh,sir,I wanted you to know the white delphinium tapers have finally been located for this evening.
U.S. Postal service.
Well,I can't believe I have to play tour guide all day.
Have you,uh... have you seen a picture of mrs.
Kharkova?
Yes,I have.
- I think you can handle it.
- She's no mackenzie allen.
Nathan.
I haven't seen you since the funeral.
- You okay?
- I still can't believe it.
|
That he's dead,or that she had the balls to take the oath of office?
She defied the dying wishes of a great man.
- It's unforgivable.
- Damn right.
Wolfie,I'm gonna run.
I'm going to run for president.I have to.
And I'm going to win.
- If it's against her,you-- - oh,it'll be against her.
Oh,yeah,I guarantee you that.
She'll run as an independent.
Do you know how many states she's going to carry?
Her home state,maybe--connecticut.
She's not going to carry a state--nary a one.
And I'm going to be president.
And I want you with me as my national security advisor.
Temp,I don't know what to say.
How about "bloody hell,yeah"?
Well,then... bloody hell,yeah.
Okay,I need you to resign-- today.
Now.
Shouldn't we wait till at least after the summit?
You can serve two years with her if you want, or eight years with me.
You choose the horse you want to ba.
Your resignation has to be tendered within the hour.
Madam president, remember to allow some adjustment in your heels
- so they don't engage the grass.
- And keep kharkov on your right so the stills have a clean shot of you inspecting your troops.
Got it.Oh,and,sir, protocol dictates that you kiss both ms.
Kharkova's cheeks in greeting.
Do I?
|
Should I?
Oh,no,ma'am,just a handshake.
We have covered every potentialcenario.
Not every scenario,madam president- excuse us,nora.
- Oh,of course,jim.
Roman wolfe called a press conference.
Roman wolfe?
Why?
Evidently,his resignation letter is waiting on your desk.
Okay.
Give us a moment,jim.
Of course.
What do you think it says when a member of my cabinet quits on the day of my firsmmit.
Oh,forget wolfe.He doesn't matter.
Right now this is about president kharkov.
It's about you.
It's about making history.
Right now you become this country.
You're the united states of america.
okay.
Let's do it.
the president of the united states!
Commander In Chief
Season 1 Episode 04
-First Dance-
Hey.
Um,I think you-- yeah,you were in my dream last night.
- I'm almost for sure.
- Oh,yeah?
What was I doing,jenny?
|
I can't remember.
But,um,I'm pretty sure you were wearing that shirt you have with the,uh, the little red stripes.
We call it your candy cane shirt.
Wait,you have a nickname for my shirt?
Anyway...
- man,she is so into you.
- Whatever,man.
I like her.
You know,you don't have to like her,horace-- any of 'em.
Give me the ball.
- See,you got the perfect setup.
- Come on,man.
No,dude,you're the president's son.
Every girl in our school wants to lose it to you.
- That's not true.
- No,of course it is.
'Cause it makes a great story when she's all old and fat and has nothing else in her life but a bunch of dumb high school memories.
Horace,you took my biology book and it had my homework in it.
So I had to take an incomplete.
Thanks.
It's no problem.I have bio next period.
I'll just explain to ms.
Hedison what happened.
Oh,hedison's a complete bitch.
Plus she's got full-on B.O.
Totally.
Give me the ball,flemming.
Hey,rebecca, since horace has never asked me,
I don't know, are you guys,like,allowed to have guests over to the white house?
Yeah,I can do whatever I want.
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Well,I'm free tonight.
I would like to welcome president kharkov back to the united states.
Perhaps I'll finally be able to beat one american president in a round of golf.
Well,I have a pretty good short game.
Welcome.
madam president, as vice president,you were very vocal about president kharkov and his government's recent crackdown on democratic liberties.
Where would I be without you guys to remind me of my words?
We have a very full agenda of matters to discuss privately.
get them out.
All right,you guys,thank you.
You will have plenty of opportunities at the press conference later today.
What does it say about your ability to lead,madam president, when your national security advisor resigns on such an important day?
The issue at hand isn't this woman's ability to lead, but of her security advisor's willingness to follow.
okay,thank you,everybody.
Thank you.
That was great!
Kharkov totally covered for the president back there and shut that question down.
What?
It was a disaster.
He called her a woman.
She isn't a woman.She is a president.
She's not a woman?
Look,alex,every world leader is watching this summit looking for clues,gestures, whatever signals they can read to figure out what kind of a president mackenzie allen is besides female.
Mrs. Benjamin harrison started the collection of china.
I especially like this-- rococo-revival punch bowl from the pierce administration.
Mrs. Harrison actually found this bowl in the,uh, white house attic.
And had it mended and then... put on display.
Ever wonder how it came to be broken?
Oh,maybe the,uh, punch was sped.
So one night your president pierce had too much to drink.
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And,uh,suddenly a presidential mistake became a national treasure.
But in the end,
I feel that I can no longer be of efficient service to this country or to this president
yeah?
Sir,the secretary of the interior is here to see you.
Hold him for two minutes and then send him in.
And send me in some coffee,will you,please?
...Between the president and me.
So we are not going to proceed with the sale of nuclear fuel to bushehr until the iranians have met all their international obligations.
And satisfied the community that they have abandoned their nuclear weapons program.
Next... regarding russia's entry into the world trade organization-- there's no real update there.
You know that's up to the W.T.O.
That remains beyond our purview.
We'll revisit that item.
Let's move on.
Did you know that there are 132 rooms in the white house?
Yes,but did you also know there are 16 refrigerators?
Now technically, we're not even supposed to be in the cabinet room without the president.
But,uh,but I think we're going to get away with it.
You used to be her chief of staff?
How are you finding your new position?
Well,I'm not sure that I would call it a,uh,position.
It's just that I used to be so much more than a spouse.
Oh,yes,me,too.
mrs.
Kharkova,um... before this,you were a well-respected attorney.
So tell me the truth.
Don't you feel that this job is just a little limiting?
That is only the job if that's what you make of the job.
Item seven on the agenda-- sturgeon hatcheries on the volga river,
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- which we thought-- - mr.
President,if I may,
I wonder if we could table the discussion of caviar for now and move on to some of the more pressing issues.
Dam president,surely you can see our staff's thought a billion-dollar industry warranted our full attention.
And I don't disagree,however... there are more urgent matters in our agenda.
Months of preparation with the previous administration have produced a very thoughtful agenda.
One which should guide us rather than constrain us.
I'd prefer to go in order,madam president.
- I know that you would-- - this may be a good time to take a break, give both sides a chance to prepare for the press conference.
Lots of progress to report to the press.
- Here we are.
- Good afternoon.
It really makes them feel good to see you down here,sir.
- Game day and all.
- My pleasure.
- Oh,you have to smell these roses.
- Yellow roses-- mrs.
Kharkova's favorite.
I did my homework.
Oh,hands!
Hands!
The petals brown with fingerprints.
- Hey,dad.
- Rebecca.
Uh,hey,you have a sec?
You smell that?
It's nice,huh?
Yes,roses--very,very nice.
Yellow roses--over a thousand of them--for tonight's dinner.
Uhyeah,about tonight's dinner... you're going.
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- But,dad,that's not fair.
- You're going.
Dad,none of my friends have to go to their parents' stupid business things.
I'm sorry.It's important to your mother.
Case closed.
Nora?
How is the morning playing?
Truthfully,not great.
- Roman wolfe's resignation-- - will be below the fold, buried beneath the success of today's summit.
- Madam president.
- Jim?
- I know what you're going to say.
- No,you don'T.
'Cause if you did,you wouldn't have tried to handle me like that.
I was trying to protect you.I'm going to go.
- I think that we should probably...
- uh,you hang back,kelly.
We have a bigger problem.
A bigger problem than not having the support of my chief of staff?
Secretary witherspoon has resigned.
What?
Charlie witherspoon?
Oh,what a town.
You can't even trust the backstabbers.
So the national security advisor and the secretary of interior both resign on the day of the summit.
- What is going on here,jim?
- I have a theory.
Probably the same theory I have.
Don't you think it's about time you paid a visit to capitol hill?
Yes,ma'am.
|
Charlie's here.
Oh,hey,charlie.
- Madam president.
- Good to see you.
- It's been,what,a year?
- Yes,I think so.
So thank you for seeing me today.
Of course.
What's up,mr.
Secretary?
What can I do for you?
charlie's been hearing some rumblings.
Oh?
Well,what with the president's condition and all, we're all well aware that jim gardner and melanie blackston came to see you to ask you to step down.
And,well,there's just been some talk.
The cabinet knows that you haven't said yes.
And,well,ma'am, these guys can be pretty machiavellian.
I see.
I just wanted you to know that for me,
I'm at your service.
Good to know.
What I'm saying is,you know,
I could be your eyes and ears, let you know where the knives are coming from.
There will be knives?
Yeah.
I,for one,will be very much in support of you.
The department of interior would ve much welcome a woman's point of view.
Women are much more environmentally friendly.
Well,we do tend to pick up after ourselves.
okay.
|
- It's all right.
- Okay,well charlie,thank you for stopping by.
- Right.
- Okay.
Good-bye,girl.
Hey,charlie?
Do you really think a woman would be better for the department of interior?
For sure.
Absolutely.
Perhaps we should have a woman running it then.
Kidding.
Excuse me,ma'am?
Ma'am?
Press conference is set to begin.
Thank you,vince.
Uh,do me a favor.
I need a copy of oliver chitwood's biography of john tyler.
- President tyler?
- Yeah,that's the guy.
You know what's going to happen in there,don't you?
I'm afraid I do,ma'am.
They're going to hit me with their resignations.
The summit is going to be secondary.
You know,I can handle their questions.
What I can't handle is having to go inhere and pretend he's some sort of champion of democracy.
Maybe it's for the greater good?
You think that's what the guys who came before me told themselves?
Maybe so.
I just...
I don't know.
|
I thought we were going to do things differently.
- And the next?
- Madam president can you comment on today's cabinet resignations?
We're here to comment on the progress made between our two nations.
Next.
samantha.
Has there been a breakthrough on the caspian oil pipeline?
The pipeline agreement was a result of negotiations with president bridges.
Its completion will be a testimony to his vision.
- madam president!
- Changing topics, president allen,has there been any progress made on the topic of civil liberties?
- Actually-- - allow me,madam president.
- Of course.
- Thank you.
The russia of today looks dramatically different than the russia of just ten years ago.
However,each day brings new challenges.
Certainly president allen knows that with the sudden loss of her cabinet members.
madam president!
our leadership may change, but our democratic principles do not.
What remains to beeen is what president kharkov,a man who talks about democracy, will do in a situation that requires more than just talk.
If it truly is time for change, then it is time to free the dissident journalists jailed in your prisons,mr.
President.
- mr.
President!
- President kharkov!
I don't even know why you're bothering with mom when dad already said no.
If you want to see flemming so bad tonight, why don't you just bring him with you to the state dinner?
The point is to be alone with him,horace.
I just--
I don't think you know what you're getting yourself into.
|
You do not know flemming like I do.
Yeah.
Horace,just because you're four minutes older than me does not mean you have all the answers,all right?
So you just mind your own business,okay?
I know what I'm doing.
No,you don't understand what I'm trying to tell you,becca.
Look,horace, today was the first day that actually didn't suck for me since we moved into this house.
So,please,just let me have this,all right?
- Hey,horace.
- Hi,rebecca.
Hey,vince.Is my mom busy?
She always has time for you,rebecca.
I think she's in with kelly.I'll check.
Thanks.
I can't believe I took the bait.
- I should have just left it alone.
- Ma'am,it wasn't that bad.
We have no room for error here.
This is a very partisan town.
It's not like I have a lot of allies in either party.
- And it had to be said.
- Maybe just not so publicly.
Excuse me,ma'am?
Rebecca's here to see you.
Oh!
Great.
One second.
Thanks.
We're done here,kelly.
- Hey,rebecca.
|
- Hi,horace.
Oh,hey,kelly,what's up?
Nothing.How are you guys doing?
Good.
How's the speechwriting coming?
- Good.
See you guys later.
- Okay.
All right.
Nice work.
You know,she's been press secretary for,like,two weeks now.
- hey,you.
- Hey,mom.
Oh.
Nice to see a friendly face.
Oh!
Um,mom,I had a question,
- but,I mean,if you're busy - sorry.
Sorry,ma'am.
It's the white house operator.It's nora.
Would you tell her to hold,please?
What is it?
Um,well,I was wondering if I could skip this state dinner tonight.
Oh,becca.
- I was hoping we'd all go-- - madam president nora implied that was a matter of urgency.
Of course it is.
It's just I have to study for this huge test,um, with a friend.
- Um,mom--
- I don't know,becca.
You know,why don't you just follow your conscience?
|
Vince,any luck on that john tyler biography?
- Did you find it yet?
- Uh,no,ma'am.
We're still searching.
What is it,nora?
Wait,wait,wait.
Slow down.
What did they say exactly?
Okay.
Just keep this quiet and continue business as usual.
Thank you,nora.
Seems the russian president has suddenly taken ill.
He's still coming to the state dinner though,right?
I don't know.
What did you promise them,nate?
Is there anybody else?
- Yeah.Sure,sure,there is.
- Yeah?
Who's that?
Francis.
And not francis barnes at agriculture.
Mills francis at defense.
If teddy were here to see what you're doing,
- he would have your head on - if teddy bridges were alive to see this, it would not be necessary.
Sit,please.
Three resignations.
And if you think that's embarrassing, you just wait till you see what happens when she tries to get her nominees for those positions confirmed.
- Nate,we're trying to-- - no,no.
Come on.
Please.
|
You're not going to touch me with your self-righteous indignation.
You want her gone just as much as I do.
- It ends.
- It's just begun.
Sit down.
Please,jim,sit.
I want you to resign.
You can take till the end of the month,whatever,
- but I want you to resign as well.
- Why would I do that?
Because when I become president,
I want you to join the others in my administration.
I'm not sure if I could stomach it--being your chief of staff?
I don't want you to be my chief of staff.
I want you to be my vice president.
Well,that got your attention,didn't it?
First african-american vice president.
You and me,jim-- we can save this country.
We can save it from her.
And don't you think about your loyalty to the office.
You think about your loyalty to your people.
Going to need your answer by the state dinner.
You'll have it.
oh.
Mrs. Kharkova.
I didn't realize you were still here.
I was just looking for my husband.
Mmm.
The first gentleman is in the kitchen addressing a crisis.
I'm sure he was thrilled with that responsibility.
|
He has been a gracious host.
Ah.
So you saw the press conference.
You know,this summit almost didn't happen.
My husband wanted to cancel the visit.
He would never admit it, but I think he was intimidated to meet you,madam president.
Why would he be intimated by me?
Your reputation precedes you.
He was afraid you were going to put him on the spot, and you did.
President bridges never would have done that.
I spoke my mind.
That shouldn't be so intimidating.
As much as americans claim to be students of history, they forget their own.
We are just 15 yrs into the experiment that your country continues after 200 years.
It took you 90 years to get rid of slavery and 150 to give women the right to vote.
La mujerit's not always easy.
You and my husband are both independent thinkers who struggle each day against the people who seek to protect the status quo.
Mrs. Kharkova,
I sincerely hope that your husband is feeling well enough to attend tonight's state dinner.
Is there anything I can get him?
Chicken soup,perhaps?
There is one thing.
And I'm guessing it's not soup.
Fast-track our entry into the world trade organization.
Technically,I'm not in control of the W.T.O.
Well,technically, my husband isn't in control of releasing the dissident journalists.
I see.
I'm so glad we had a chance to talk.
Me,too.
I'm never going to get this.
|
At this rate,I'm going to be in summer school.
No,it's easy.See,according to mendel, a dominant gene will always express itself... like curly hair.
- thanks.
- I'm serious.
- What's going on here,rebecca?
- I'm studying.
- Aha.
And you are...
- oh.
Mike flemming,sir.
Hi,mike.
Can I speak to you for a moment in private?
Um,sure.
I'm sorry.
One second.
why aren't you dressed for the state dinner?
- I'm not going.
- Go get dressed right now, because there is too much going on for you to pull one of your little st-- no,no,no.Mom said it was cool.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Sorry about that.
- Is everything cool?
- Yeah,it's fine.
Well,study hard.
Say hi to kelly for me.
hey,hey.
Look,I don't want you leaving your sister's side this evening.
Got it?
No.
I'm not staying in there with her stupid boyfriend.
|
Just do it,okay?
You can stay up as late as you want.
Fine.
You can play my video games.
excuse me.
hi,amy.
Hi,rebecca.
Hey.
Why did you tell rebecca she didn't have to come tonight?
What do you mean?
Well,I told her she had to come to the state dinner.
You said she didn't have to.
You said that it was "cool."
"Cool." Does that sound like something that I would say?
Listen,when it comes to our kids, if I say something,that's got to matter.
Do you really want to get into this now?
Yeah.
Yeah,I do.
Well,it's not like this is the first time the kids have tried to play us against each other.
That's not the point.
Our first state dinner is in ten minutes.
Could this possibly wait two hours?
how do we know kharkov will even show up?
Well,I have to think if their relationship is anything like ours, mrs.
Kharkova will have a great deal of influence.
- Nora.
- Madam president,bright news.
We've been notified the russian delegation is on their way.
Thank you.
- madam kharkova.
|
- Madam president.
President kharkov,
I'm so pleased that you decided to join us this evening.
I'm not here for you.
I'm here for my wife... and my country.
As far as I'm concerned,we're nowhere.
speaker of the house nathan templeton and his aide jayne murray.
Madam president.
- Mr. First gentleman.
- Nathan.
My wife regrets--apologizes.
She still has not recovered.
You give her my best.
She'll appreciate that.Thank you.
You've had quite a day.
You get an "a" for comportment.
You know my chief of staff jayne murray.
- It's an honor.
- Jayne.
russian
nice to meet you.
october 4th,1957, was a disappointing day in american history.
It's the day we lost the space race.
When americans looked skyward, we could see just the faintest glimmer of the soviet union's success.
Sputnik was launched that day.
On the other side of the world, a young,aeronautical engineer looked to our shared sky with great pride.
Anatoly kharkov,president kharkov's father, was just 26 years old at the time.
Anatoly kharkov was an innovator.
He played a key role in bringing one of the most vital tools of democracy to the world-- communication.
Barriers have been broken.
|
Walls have crumbled.
But there's still a lot of work to be done.
If we hope for a peaceful and prosperous future, then we must put aside our personal agenda... and stand shoulder to shoulder together.
Thank you.
Na zdorovje.
Na zdorovje!
na zdorovje!
you do look good in a tux,mr.
Gardner.
He needs your answer now.
Man,if I was your age,I'd be crawling out of my skin.
Are you kidding?
I love this stuff.
Guess it's 'cause I'm pretty mature.
all danced out,grace?
May I?
- I miss teddy.
- He was a great president.
Congratulations.It was a lovely evening.
These last two years,
I had no idea how much thought and attention was given to every detail.
You always made everything look so easy.
Rod,seeing your wife up there tonight-- she made it clear she is the president.
Suddenly I just feel like I'm a guest in someone else's home.
Oh,no.You're always welcome here.
One who has overstayed.
It's your home now.You belong here.
- good night.
- Good night.
Excuse me,madam president.
|
Here you go-- one oliver chitwood biography of president john tyler.
- Piece of cake.
- Really?
Well,let's say there's a shop owner in georgetown who may be attending our next state dinner.
May I ask why?
Our tenth president john tyler-- not a lot of people know he was the first V.P.
To take over the presidency when harrison died in office.
- I didn't know that.
- Yeah.
His enemies tried to undermine him by forcing harrison's cabinet to resign.
But they didn't think it through.
Ended up making tyler even more powerful.
- Bedside reading?
- Yeah.
Just not for my bedside.
Yes,ma'am.
I'm busted.
Mr. Speaker.
"Mr. Speaker."
When it's all said and done,nate,the woman is our president.
She deserves the benefit of the doubt.
- She deserves a chance-- - stop.
You can't give her--you can't give anybody a chance.
You don't learn to be the president on the job.
The stakes are too high,jim.
The president has to be the president from the get-go.
You're right.
And maybe you'd be better at it than her.
But teddy gave you an opportunity,and you said no.
You put her in office.
|
The way I see it, you owe it to the country to make sure she's the best damn president she can be.
Think about your people,nate.
- My people?
- The american people.
okay.
It's a mistake,jim.But okay.
Jayne looks lovely iher dress,doesn't she?
Yes,she does.
Enjoy your evening.
Madam president,would you like to dance?
I'd be delighted.
Thank you.
Excuse me,mr.
President, but I need to borrow our president on an urgent matter.
Yes.Excuse me.
Alex?
- It's just not done.
- What?
You.
Ma'am,you can't dance with president kharkov.
Why?
Is he a badancer?
- A good dancer?
- It's just unprecedented.
- Well,what do you think i am?
- Is everything okay?
We hit a bit of a hiccup.
President kharkov wants to dance with our president.
It's just,world leaders cannot--should not be dancing together.
- What's the protocol?
|
- We're trying to figure that out.
Okay,you guys,it cannot be that big of a deal.
Are you out of your mind?
- It's a-- - ma'am,I think... our staffs must think this is inappropriate.
Dmitry,we are the world's leaders.
I think we can decide what's appropriate.
Thank you for asking me to dance.
Acknowledging my father--it meant a lot to me.
I didn't see much of him as a boy,but his contribution outlives him.
Joey, beautiful women have been coming out of that apartment for an hour.
An hour?
Well, why didn't you get me?
I was stuck in the hot tub.
I didn't want them to see my legs.
-Well, hello there, gorgeous.
-I don't have chicken legs.
Michael, this is like a dream.
Pinch me.
On the arm.
Who goes for the ass?
I gotta see what's going on in there.
-Hi there.
-Hi.
Can I help you?
Yeah.
I live across the way...
... andI wouldliketojoin whatever club is meeting here.
There's no club.
Those are clients.
|
I'm a photographer.
I love erotic photography.
I didn't say erotic.
I definitely heard someone say it.
I'm Joey.
-I'm Sara.
-I'm Michael.
-Leave.
-Okay.
It's amazing to me that you're a photographer.
I mean, you are so beautiful.
You should be in front of the camera.
You really came out swinging.
Okay, okay.
Let me try a different approach.
I saw a flower this morning...
... andI thoughtit was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen untilI gazeduponyou .
Right, yeah.
I appreciate the effort, but you don't have to work so hard.
If you wanna ask me out, just ask me out.
-What?
Just ask you?
-Yeah.
Watch this.
-Do you wanna go out Saturday?
-Yeah.
-Great.
We have a date.
-Hey, wait, wait.
I didn't even compliment your eyes.
|
I know.
My father must have been a thief...
... becausehestoletwo stars from the sky and put them in my eyes.
I did not know that one.
That's good.
Pick me up at 8.
Hey, there.
You know, I saw a flower this morning...
... andI thoughtit wasthe most beautiful thing I'd ever seen untilI gazeduponyou .
-Really?
Thank you.
-Okay, so I'm not crazy.
Hey, guys.
Sexy new underwear there, huh?
You can tell?
When I was a kid, I wished for a super power, that's what I got.
What's the special occasion?
My husband's gonna be home tomorrow...
... soGinatookmetoget some sexy undergarments.
And it's a good thing I did becauseshewaswearing cotton granny pants.
It's gonna be really great to see him.
He's been gone for, like, two months.
That's a long time to be away.
-You guys ever try phone sex?
-Yeah, I'm not very good at that.
I tend to laugh too much and over-describe the room.
Hey, you rented the apartment to that new girl?
Nice job.
-Thanks for getting me a hot one.
-I thought you two might have sparks.
|
I miss Melrose Place.
I got a date with her Saturday night.
She lives across the courtyard.
What if it doesn't work?
That could be so awkward.
Please.
There is no awkward situation I can't smooth over or run from.
Okay?
But I gotta say, this girl's a tough one.
None of my normal lines work on her.
I'm gonna have to bring my A-game.
And what is your A-game?
I take her to this restaurant...
... where the maitre d' knows my name and makes a big fuss over me.
Then he seats us at a table where she can't miss my headshot on the wall.
"Oh, how embarrassing." Right?
At some point, I have one of my famous friends...
... sendoverabottleofwine, maybe Bobby Duvall.
-So?
-Or Celine Dion.
Oh, yeah, I could see that working.
-Excited about your date tonight?
-Yeah.
I set everything up.
-Who are they gonna say sent the wine?
-Alan Thicke and Lou Diamond Phillips.
Yeah.
I like the idea that they're friends.
-Hey, Joey, how you doing?
-Hey, Eric, welcome back.
|
-Thanks, thanks.
Hey, honey.
-Hey.
-So when was the big reunion?
-That was it.
He just got home.
Really?
After two months?
Why are you talking to me?
Get in there and make up for lost time.
Joey, it's the middle of the day.
We couldn't do that.
Could we?
I guess we could.
-I think I'm going to.
-Thattagirl.
Don't let that new thong go to waste.
Amazing.
Through corduroy?
You are gonna love this place.
The food is great.
The only problem is, they tend to make a fuss when actors come in.
Oh, I'm not a big fan of actors.
-You don't like actors?
-No.
They're so self-absorbed and need so much attention.
But they're America's royalty.
Mr. Tribbiani, welcome.
That was a very good show last night.
Yes, Tony, I also enjoy The Apprentice.
|
Right this way, please.
I've saved a very special table for you.
Thank you.
Thanks.
So do you like sports or... ?
What is that?
Is that you?
Is that your headshot?
No, that's not what this wall means.
I ate the 96-ounce steak.
As did Bernadette Peters.
Joey, what's going on here?
I wanted to impress you, all right?
So I brought out my A-game.
You know, all my best moves, my best lines.
-You don't need to do that with me.
-Okay, maybe we should just order.
Yeah, okay.
I'd order pizza, but I haven't had a decent one...
-... sinceI movedfromthe EastCoast.
-Me neither.
Everybody recommended this place called Mario's.
-I went there.
-It was awful, right?
So bad I had to go someplace else and eat a whole other pizza...
... justtogetthe taste out of my mouth.
I'm lucky.
My mom sends me pizza from home.
-Wait, where are you from?
-Philadelphia.
|
I love your sandwiches.
Mr. Tribbiani, compliments of Alan Thicke and Lou Diamond Phillips.
-Interesting pairing.
-Thank you.
So can I get you some wine...
Nice.
Sure.
These are great.
Did you take all these?
Yeah.
That one I took in Burma.
That little girl was selling gum on the street.
Her eyes were so melancholy, yet so full of hope.
couldn't get her to smile, huh?
What are you gonna do?
You have a very interesting face.
I can see why you became an actor.
-Thank you.
-Mind if I photograph it?
-Okay.
-Have a seat.
-Joey, don't pose.
-Gotcha.
I'm not getting a sense of who you really are.
But what if this...
... reallyiswhoIam ?
Listen, let's just take a break.
We'll have wine, I can do this later.
Sounds good.
-Hey, I wasn't ready.
|
-No, this is great.
But I'm not doing anything.
Just relax.
Be yourself.
Look, if I was with any other girl, running my A-game...
... Iwouldleanin and kiss you right now.
But I'm not sure what to do here.
Well, this camera thing is my A-game.
So why don't I make this easier for you?
I may borrow heavily from this in the future.
Good morning, everyone.
So I take it your date with Sara went well?
It was really nice, yeah.
She's not like other women I've dated.
I mean, we didn't have sex butI stillfeellike a connection was made.
Is that shallow?
-Hey.
-Hey.
-How is it having Eric back?
-Oh, it's great.
It's good.
It's a challenge.
It's hard.
Really?
What's wrong?
I forgot what it's like to live with somebody.
It's a compromise.
Yeah.
It's taken me and Michael months togeteverything just the way I like it.
It's different with Eric here.
|
I was doing a crossword this morning...
... andthecluewas "TV lawyer Ally 'blank' " .
And he said "McBeal."
I mean, I'm a lawyer and I'm spunky.
I think I know who Ally McBeal is, okay?
I'm sure being back must be an adjustment for him too.
Yeah, especially since now he suffers from this horrible affliction called jet lag.
You haven't heard of it becauseapparentlymy husband is the first person ever to have it.
I've had jet lag, and it can be pretty bad.
He was in Cleveland.
Okay, so he's bugging you.
Have you tried to talk to him about it yet?
No.
The way I was raised, we didn't talk about our problems.
When my mom was upset with my dad...
... she'd just go to the tennis pro and work on her game.
She always came back so happy.
It must have been Diego's relaxed island attitude.
Yeah, that's probably it.
But still, maybe you and Eric should talk.
Yeah, you're probably right.
Okay, I'll try.
Trust me.
It'll help.
I mean, when I first moved in...
... Ihadabig problem with Michael's snoring.
But then we talked about it, and it got better.
Talked about it?
You put cotton balls in my nose, and duct-taped my mouth shut.
And we worked it out.
|
-Hey.
-I just wanted to stop by...
... andthankyoufor all the Philly cheesesteaks you sent.
Thirty sandwiches are gonna last me a while.
I know it sounds like a lot, but the cheesesteak is a very versatile snack.
Lunch on the go?
Cheesesteak.
Tired after racquetball?
Cheesesteak.
can't find a baby gift?
cheesesteak.
Well, I really appreciate it.
Your neighbor does something nice, you wanna say thank you?
-Cheesesteak.
-Yeah.
You know, Joey, I gotta tell you, you're not exactly who I thought you'd be.
Do you wanna go out again tomorrow night?
You're just asking me?
I mean, I want to...
... but I think I'd like you to work a little harder.
Okay.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together.
Where do you get this stuff?
-See you tomorrow night.
-Okay.
Well, look at that.
I just got asked out on a date.
-You really like her.
-I do.
In fact, I like her so much, I'm gonna do something I've never done.
|
I am not gonna date any other women until I see Sara again.
You're going out with her tomorrow.
That's, like, 24 hours.
I know.
That's three very disappointed ladies.
I mean, if Sara sees me with another girl, she might feel weird.
I mean, she's right over there.
You see, now, this is why I don't date girls within the building.
Okay, buddy.
-You working on dinner yet, hon?
-It's only three in the afternoon.
Geez, what can I tell you?
I'm on cleveland time.
Oh, God, I got the lag.
Bad.
-You have to say something.
-I don't know.
Now, honey, on your crossword, you missed an easy one.
"Sesame Street character 'blank' Monster."
That's "cookie."
Okay, we have to talk.
You know what?
I'm gonna give you two some privacy.
Honey, you know that I love you...
... but I'm not used to having you around...
... andtherearesomethings that have been bothering me.
I'm so sorry.
I know I haven't been myself, but I'm just so tired with the--
Jet lag.
Yes.
|
Funny you should mention that...
... becauseoneof theproblemsisthat you've been talking a lot about that.
Well, I didn't realize.
I'm sorry.
And, please, just let me do the crossword puzzles myself.
Okay.
If you're gonna use the exercise bike, maybe just throw some shorts on.
Are those two squirrels doing it again?
Alex is getting everything off her chest with Eric.
I really don't appreciate you critiquing me when I sing in the shower.
As a musician, it bothers me when you sing off-key.
As a musician, it also bothers me that you never shave your legs.
Well, as a lawyer, it bothers me that your family sucks.
Well, you know, when you-
- Will you please tell them to get out of there?
Hey, Michael, look at Sara out there reading.
Oh, well.
Every diamond has its flaws.
Check out that stripper-looking girl wandering around.
Stripper-looking?
She is a stripper.
I met her at the-- Oh, God, she's here for me!
Remember how I'm not dating anyone because of Sara?
I canceled my lunch, my dinner, but not my backup.
I forgot about the backup!
Damn, I can't even remember her name.
Tammy, Terri... ?
Wait a second.
Why is she over there?
She's clearly lost.
|
She's gonna ask Sara where I live.
"Something-With-A-T," what are you doing out there?
-Okay, I need your help.
-What can I do?
I need Sara to think Something-With-A-T is here for you.
So go out there, get her and walk her back here.
This doesn't really play to my strengths, Joey.
I don't lie well, I don't deal with women well I don't walk particularly well.
It's from the hot tub to the apartment.
Fifteen feet.
Come on, Michael.
You can do this.
I believe in you.
-There's no other option?
-lf there was, would I be asking you?
Hi.
You remember me, right?
I'm Michael, Joey's nephew.
-Yeah, hi.
-Hi.
So that's my date.
I'm here for her and she's here for me.
There's a connection there.
It's exciting, but I'm really not sure where it's going.
Excuse me, I'm looking for an apartment.
-Do you know where--
-I live?
Yes.
Right there.
-It's me.
|
-Who are you?
Who am I?
I'm Michael, your lover.
-My what?
-What's going on?
Nothing's going on.
It's just... .
Man down!
Man down!
Go to your room and think about what you did.
Ladies, before I commit to a path here...
... whatisthesituation as everyone understands it?
Well, if I were to guess, I would say that this nice woman... .
-Charlene.
-Wow, was I off.
Charlene, was here for a date with you, and you had Michael come out...
... topretendthatshe was here for him.
-That's not what this is.
-Then what is it?
You're in trouble.
See you later, Joey.
Sara, wait--
Charlene, look, I'm gonna have to cancel, okay?
-I really need to go deal with her.
-Okay.
Call me, Joey.
You're game.
Hey, listen, Sara, I am really sorry about that...
... butyoushouldknowImadethatdate before I even met you.
I'm not upset you had a date.
|
I don't care that you see other women.
But you lied to me and put on that stupid show.
Just be honest, Joey.
It's the most important thing.
So to summarize, I can see other women?
Yeah, I get that you're a type of guy who dates a lot.
I'm okay with that.
-Are you serious?
-We went on one date.
How inappropriate would it be to be jealous?
No.
Not yet.
Do you know what, Josh?
This is really good.
It is, isn't it?
Yeah.
- Brilliant.
Is it yours?
Yeah.
Come on, you two.
Bed.
Now.
Up we go.
God.
Women, eh?
Yeah.
Anteater walks into a pub, right?
Walks up to the bar, orders a pint of bitter.
The barman pulls him a pint, puts it down in front of him.
He says, "All right, sir?" He says, "Yeah. "
|
He comes back later, and he says, "Is everything all right, sir?"
The anteater said, "Yeah, it's fine."
And he goes away.
He comes back a couple of minutes later.
And he says, "Are you sure everything's all right, sir?"
And the anteater says, "Yes, it's fine.
I wish you'd just leave me alone."
And the barman says, "Oh, well, why the long face, then?"
Excuse me.
Man walks into a pub.
The same pub?
- The same pub.
Hi.
Jenny!
What brings you here?
I thought I was invited for dinner.
Of course.
Yes, of course.
Come in.
Right.
Sorry.
Yes, come in.
Right.
Jenny, let me introduce you to everyone.
Er...this is Felix.
Felix Bishop.
The pleasure's mine.
And this is Heather...
..who's Karen's mother.
And this is Robert... ..who works with Felix.
|
Jenny is...
Jenny's a friend of ours.
Available at no notice.
David...
Right.
Well, if you'll excuse me, I'll just erm...
Felix was just telling a joke.
Jokes?
Great.
You invited Jenny?
!
Oh, is she here already?
The last time we invited her, she emptied a fire extinguisher over my boss.
David, we haven't got fire extinguishers.
This is supposed to be a dinner party, not a business function.
Well, we'll be talking business.
Briefly.
I know another one...
- What do you chaps do, then?
Let me guess.
Second-hand cars?
- Internet.
Oh, bugger.
Sorry.
It's just...at least I know what a car is.
I'm the same.
I can't even turn a computer on.
Is that your job, then, Robert?
- Er, no.
It's my company.
|
Right.
So, do you work for him or...
Felix is what's known as an incubator.
- Yeah.
I bet he is.
What he does, right, is...he looks for people with a good idea, like me, then exploits us.
Exploits the idea.
I raise the money to make it happen.
- Oh, is that it?
Do you know how much he's worth?
I dunno.
Internet...
Got to be...20 million pounds!
That was last week.
Try 30.
I hate having to pander to these people.
I've had to work hard to achieve...all this.
Robert just switches on his laptop and bingo!
He's a multimillionaire.
There is no justice.
What's your point exactly?
They're looking to appoint another firm of consultants and we're in with a shout.
We were, but with the charm offensive in the hands of your mother and Jenny,
I might as well log off now.
- David, I'm sure they'll behave.
Oh, I'm absolutely starving.
Thanks for inviting us...
Karen.
It's lovely to see you.
- Hey, that Robert's a bit of all right.
|
David, there are people dying of thirst in here.
And he's filthy rich.
What the hell?
I might just have a crack at him.
Thank you.
Now...
David.
Here's a thing.
Did you know that "mother-in-law" is an anagram...of "woman Hitler"?
And "middle-aged man" is...
"reactionary old fart".
No, it's not.
No, there's no F in "middle-aged man".
There's no effing wine left either, David.
Get some more will you, darling?
I...er...
I was just wondering if I'd left any aftershave behind.
Allright.
So, at ten at night with your child asleep in bed, you thought you'd pop over and check?
Interesting.
Is that so unbelievable?
Given your record for personal hygiene?
Actually, I...
I just need someone to talk to.
Pete.
Hmm.
That was lovely.
Can I ask you a personal question?
What's it like to be a millionaire?
It's the first question I'm asked by women.
|
What's the second?
- Am I gay?
Are you?
- That's for you to find out.
What is it like, then?
I'm only a millionaire on paper.
I didn't think you'd carry that much cash on you.
And no, I'm not gay.
And the answer to your next question is...
no, I'm not seeing anyone at the moment.
I wasn't going to ask you that.
- You'd have asked David.
God, you're very confident.
I guess that is what being a millionaire's like.
Only on paper.
What's wrong with you?
Why haven't you got a girlfriend?
I ain't got much time for women.
I mean...
I haven't got much time, you know, what with the business.
Married to your work.
- But one day I'm hoping to get a divorce.
The thing with most management consultants, Felix, is when they know they've got your business, they don't try as hard.
They put in a junior team.
Faces change from meeting to meeting.
Now, at DZQ, we believe that building relations is vitally important.
Speaking of relations, David, what's your mother-in-law's situation?
I think Felix likes me.
Yeah.
I wonder whether Dad would like him.
|
I've left your father, Karen.
Sorry, I hope you didn't mind me bringing little Adam along.
No.
No.
Josh is usually up around this time.
- Yeah.
He wets his bed.
Playing with little Adam might take his mind off it.
So?
So...
I think...me and Jenny might be getting back together again.
Karen mentioned something about your husband.
Been asking questions?
No...
No.
His name's Pete.
And, at the moment, he's at home with our little boy.
Right.
I see.
You probably don't.
We're separated.
Not very effectively.
We live under the same roof, but...
Separate beds?
That's a very personal question.
And I'm very sorry.
Separate bedrooms, actually.
Would you like some more coffee, you two?
I think we'd better.
Do you think I'm mad?
|
Maybe I'm misreading the signals, but since I moved back in, we've been getting on well.
Is that how Jenny sees it, that you've moved back in?
She calls me the lodger.
But that's just a running gag.
Well, where is she tonight?
Dinner at David and Karen's.
We weren't invited.
- Oh, no.
It's a last-minute thing.
They needed a single woman to make up numbers.
But is Jenny a single woman?
Er...maybe not for much longer.
We said we'd sort out our living arrangements at the beginning of next month.
I'm quietly confident that I won't be sending out any change of address cards.
So where did you park the Porsche, then?
- Over there.
Blimey!
I was only joking.
Right.
Jenny...can I see you again?
Ha!
It's my designated driver.
Ready to hit the road?
I should go.
See you.
Jenny...
Was it something you said?
Whoops!
Mum...
Not now, Karen.
|
Thanks for listening, fellas.
It's nice to hear someone else's take on things.
Don't jump to conclusions too quickly, Pete.
Oh, come on, Rach.
Adam's right.
I think we know Jen a bit better than you.
What's this?
- It looks like dog hair.
We haven't got a dog.
Josh!
Oh, my God!
Well, I must say, that went better than expected.
Robert and Jenny hit it off.
And Felix seemed very taken with your mother.
She's left my dad.
What?
!
- Apparently.
She hasn't said why yet.
Darling, that's terrible.
So, she'd be free to see Felix again.
David!
My mother has left my father.
- That's my point.
So how do you think that makes me feel?
What about my dad?
Yeah.
I'm sorry, darling.
That was very thoughtless of me.
Poor Jack.
|
David, you don't even like him.
No, But I wouldn't wish a failed marriage on him.
Not even if it's good for business?
- No.
No, of course not.
We can't take him home looking like this.
Maybe if we brushed his hair across...
What?
Like Jackie Charlton?
Bobby, actually.
All right.
We could cut a bit off the other side.
What would be the point of that?
At least it would look symmetrical!
People might think it's a fashion.
God!
You know, it's got to look better than this.
Oh, my...!
Funnily enough, it doesn't.
Give them here.
It's not bad.
Just the one error.
Oh, sorry.
I did...
I did check it.
Looks all right to me.
No.
See?
You got this bit wrong.
Oh, no, actually.
|
You did.
- I'm sorry?
Well, "to kindly wait" is a split infinitive.
It should be "'I would ask you kindly to wait."
That suggests I'm asking him kindly, whereas in fact the opposite's true.
It suggests you would ask him to kindly wait.
- Precisely.
Pardon?
- To kindly wait.
Change it, please.
Right.
It's just it's grammatically incorrect.
Change it!
Geraldine Hughes.
Is your name Jenny?
Yeah.
Er...hello?
You never answered my question.
- What?
About seeing you again.
Who's this?
Robert...
Brown.
We met at Karen and David's last night.
Erm...hang on a sec.
Sorry, it's personal.
How did you find me?
I rang your temp agency.
Very reluctant to give out your number.
I used all my charm.
|
What?
And that was enough?
I had to pretend I wanted to employ you.
Well, thank you very much, but I have a job.
Erm...excuse me for butting in.
But that's where you're wrong.
Hang on a sec.
I'll just be a minute.
Good.
All the sooner you can change this letter, get your coat and go!
Hello.
Are you free for lunch?
Erm...
As it happens, I think I might be.
I had no idea you and Dad were unhappy.
We haven't been getting on for some time.
The drinking's been a problem.
Well, I had noticed.
No, not me!
Him.
Dad's drinking?
Why don't I know about any of this?
- I'm telling you now.
You've your own life.
Do you want us on the phone every few days, complaining about each other?
We've had a good run. 35 years.
And maybe half of them were happy.
Don't talk like it's over.
Do you mind if I stay with you and David just for a while?
Just till I've thought things through?
|
Mum, you're welcome to stay as long as you like.
Just promise me you'll try and sort things out with Dad.
Oh, look at those shoes!
Do you think they're the sort of thing Felix might like?
Mum and Dad'll be excited to see you.
They're gonna love us!
Joshy!
Hello, Ramona.
Are David and Karen in?
- Yeah.
That's...a pity.
Heather, you're looking good.
Something special?
Dinner with Felix Bishop.
Really?
Excellent!
I mean...erm...
Ahhh!
Look who's here.
Hello, darling.
- Hello, Joshy.
Big lad.
- What a lovely new hat.
Yeah.
There's a reason for that, Karen.
So, how did they react?
Pretty well, really.
All things considered.
Apart from Ramona.
Latin blood.
|
Mad.
Olive oil?
- Oh, yeah.
Extra virgin olive oil.
Yeah.
That's the one.
Jenny was cool as well.
I thought she'd go mad when the ink wouldn't come out.
Yeah, I bet you did.
Does that papaya feel ripe to you?
No.
No...
Yeah.
She just smiled and said, "There's more important things in life."
You could take that as an encouraging sign.
Oh, I do.
I do.
Now, smoked salmon.
Norwegian wild or Scottish farmed?
What are we doing here?
Tomorrow is a very significant day.
May 7th?
Quince jelly...
Joshy, your little sisters have a surprise for you.
Do you want to see what it is now?
Go on!
Wow!
Wow!
It's a present from the girls.
Great!
|
That was Karen.
Apparently, Josh thinks his sisters are wonderful.
You mean David's bought him off?
- Yeah, it sounds like it.
They're storing up trouble.
Spoiling him now.
Mm.
Rod for their own backs.
I think we handled the wee lad quite well.
We did, didn't we?
Firm but fair.
That's the secret, you know.
Establish your boundaries and stick to them.
Except when you gave him all that chocolate.
- That was different.
I don't know how.
But it was.
It was hell having him here though, wasn't it?
It was a nightmare.
Just imagine that 24 hours a day.
Drive you mad.
It is quiet without him, isn't it?
Hmm.
I think I miss him.
Do you?
Well, no...you know, I mean...
I miss him too.
What?
What?
- You were going to say something.
|
Oh...yeah.
Oh, no, forget it.
Well, it's just that...
No...no...no.
It's a crazy idea.
Us?
- Yeah.
Do you want to?
Do you?
- It's a hell of a decision to take.
Unless you don't take it.
You know...just leave things to chance.
And you wouldn't mind?
No.
I'm glad you said that, because... you know our special friend that comes to stay now and again?
Pete?
- No, my period.
It's late.
How late?
A week or so.
Oh, my God!
Yeah.
Well...
May 7th.
Oops!
Da-da!
Happy anniversary, Jen.
Ha-ha!
Oh, God!
Look.
|
I kinda thought that we wouldn't be celebrating this any more.
Well, why not?
We're still together.
After a fashion.
Well, yeah.
But...
Oh, come on, love.
Sit down.
Your salmon and scrambled egg's getting cold.
We've got loads to discuss.
Look, Pete, I'd...
Hang on a sec.
Look, Pete, this is too much.
It really is.
I didn't send those.
Hello?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
I've just got 'em.
Yeah, listen, I can't really talk, to be honest.
Yeah.
Oh, they're lovely.
Let me give you a ring.
I'll give you a ring in about half an hour.
Previously on "Buffy the Vampire Slayer":
This dark spell I hold in my worthless hand is our gift to you, Glorificus.
Please, call me Glory.
- What if she's something else altogether?
- Something new, you mean?
|
Something old.
So old it predates the written word.
Lady, whatever you are, please...
I have two daughters.
The Key is energy.
- My brethren sent it to you.
- Dawn.
- She has no idea?
- No.
She thinks she's my kid sister.
I have to take care of her.
Your mother has low-grade glioma.
It's a brain tumour.
Listen, you two, I know this creamed spinach is delicious, but I won't be offended if you go out for some real food.
You kidding me?
This is the good life.
Relaxing in bed while people bring you food on trays.
- I like the Jell-O.
- Help yourself.
Food that moves by itself gives me the heebie-jeebies.
It's good and wiggly.
A girl at school told me gelatin is made from ground-up cow's feet, and if you eat Jell-O some cow out there is limping with no feet.
But I told her I'm sure they kill 'em before they take off their feet.
Right?
You're the one who insisted on teaching her to talk.
Oh, hello, Dr Kriegel.
You know my girls, Buffy and Dawn.
Yes.
You two are becoming part of the regular crew around here.
- Just keeping her company.
|
- Good.
- Just be careful you don't wear her out.
- Oh, don't worry about that.
I woke up exhausted.
There's really no more exhausted to get.
Well, maybe some good news'll help.
The blood work's back from the lab.
Everything's fine.
So we've scheduled your surgery for the day after tomorrow at ten in the morning.
How's that sound to you?
I thinkthey had me scheduled for volleyball, but I can work around it.
All right then.
Joyce, you take care.
Make sure and get some good solid rest.
And I mean that.
The day after tomorrow.
I can't stand to stay here another two days just waiting.
Waiting?
Give me a break, we got tons to do.
We have soap operas to watch and trashy magazines to read.
And an adjustable bed to fiddle with.
That alone will keep me busy for four hours.
I really don't need you to stay here.
I know you've got patrolling to do.
Not tonight.
Tonight I have "Mom taking care of' to do.
Riley's filling in with the others.
I'm sure they have it all under control.
- Human chest!
Human chest!
|
- Sorry!
My God.
What a rough night.
I dusted two of'em!
Yay on me!
That was pretty cool.
Except the part where I was all terrified and now my knees are all dizzy.
Not so much a big success night for me.
But I should get points just for showing up.
Unlike some Riley Finn who shall remain unnamed.
That was disappointing.
Things would have been easier if he'd come.
Piffle!
Who needs him when I'm dusting two at a ti...
Whoops.
Maybe it would've been good if he had showed up.
Perhaps he forgot.
Care package!
Special delivery for the Summers girls.
Let's see what I have in this sack of mine.
I feel just like Santa Claus, except thinner and younger and female and, well, Jewish.
This is an extra-special gift for your mom that I know she'll need.
A beer hat!
See?
It's got cup holders and a strawthat goes directly into your mouth.
You can fill it with other stuff than beer.
And somehow, when I was in the store, this seemed the most important idea, and nowthere's the whole part where I'm crazy.
It's perfect.
Thank you, Willow.
You're very sweet.
|
Let's see who's next.
Dawn, I believe I have something in here for you.
- Headache?
- Just a little one.
Biggish little one.
I'm fine!
Go on, what else is in that sack of goodies, Willow?
All right.
Dawn, to keep you busy.
Ooh, spells!
Thank you, Willow!
You got her a book on spells.
The girl who can breakthings by just looking at them now has a bookto teach her to breakthings by looking at 'em?
It doesn't actually have spells in it.
Just history and anecdotes, stuff like that.
Oh, Buffy, I have this for you.
Homework?
I don't believe in tiny Jewish Santa any more.
- And a yo-yo.
- Thank you.
The book is just in case you get a chance to look it over.
We're doing World War I now.
The last exam was really pretty easy, just underlying causes and trench foot.
- Should be no hassle to make it up.
- I don't know if I'll take that exam.
I'd rip it in half and stick it in bed with me!
Mom?
- I think I'm gonna take a little rest now.
- OK.
We'll be right outside if you need us.
|
What was she talking about?
I mean, that was weird.
- She's gonna be fine.
- It's OK.
I'm sorry.
The doctor spoke to me, and I should have told you.
The thing that's pressing on her brain, sometimes it might make her say weird things.
- Does she know she's saying them?
- Not really.
It's sort of like a flash.
Butyou saw her two seconds afterward - she was normal.
And after the operation, no more pressing.
She'll be all normal all the time.
- Is that right?
- Hey, Santa doesn't lie.
- Oh, excuse me.
- Careful, the facts say a picnic is in order.
What is that thing?
There's no data.
There's no pictures on this one there!
What is the data?
There's no one in there.
- Buffy?
- Come on, honey.
Don't worry about it.
I'm going home?
Home?
Home, home, home...
What's wrong with him?
Is it like Mom?
|
A thing in his head?
I don't think so.
I think it's different.
Don't worry about it.
I guess I missed that.
Was he bothering you?
Hey, Ben.
This is my friend Willow.
- Hi.
- Hi.
And, yeah, the crazy man was a little, you know, crazy, but it's OK.
- Are they gonna send him home?
- Don't get me started.
The mental ward's booked beyond capacity, nowhere to put them, so the ones with families are being sent home.
Like his family is able to take care of him!
He has to have someone watch him 24-7.
What was he saying to you?
Oh, he was just babbling.
- You know what's weird?
- Japanese commercials are weird.
Yes.
And also, you know, some of the stars we're looking at don't even exist any more.
In the time that it takes for their light to reach us, they've died.
Exploded.
Poof.
Were things rough at the hospital?
You know, I used to love to look up at them when I was little.
They're supposed to make you feel all insignificant, but they made me feel like... like I was in space.
Part of the stars.
There's Canis Minor.
|
And Cassiopeia.
And the Big Pineapple.
You know, I'm not sure I remember that one.
Oh, it's a major one.
See those three bright stars right over there?
Yeah.
And see those stars along there?
That's the bottom of the pineapple.
- It's big.
- Hence the name.
The real ones never made sense to me.
I sort of have my own.
Teach me.
See those stars over there?
Short Man Looking Uncomfortable.
Moose Getting a Sponge Bath.
Little Pile o' Crackers.
That was a bit of a stretch.
You do it.
What would you call... that one?
I see... a huge flaming meteor about to crash into something.
I know what I said.
I said I won't go away far.
A person needs to respect a man get some fresh air and find some fresh spaces.
And some fresh space!
And needs to walkto get where he's going.
This thing doesn't work!
It isn't working!
I'm sure they heard you.
I bet it's not even hooked up to anything.
|
Just like the push buttons at the crosswalk.
I'm sure someone's...
What, the push buttons aren't hooked up to anything?
Oh, tell him, Buffy.
Tell him, OK?
- Look, Dr Kriegel, we wanna go home.
- Well, of course.
- You can visityour mother in the morning.
- No.
We.
I mean all of us.
My mom, too.
Well, I understand that, but it's not necessarily the first thing I'd recommend.
I can't.
I can't stay here waiting for two days for this operation.
I just can't.
- It makes my head hurt to be here.
- Joyce, there's no reason to get upset.
No reason to get upset?
Right, sorry.
I must just thinkthere is cos of my brain tumour!
Here, Dawn, why don'tyou get something from the machine?
- I'm sorry I said that.
I'm just tired.
- I know.
Listen, Doctor, I don't see why we can't take her home, you know, just until...
Wouldn't it be better for her to rest someplace where she felt safe and comfortable?
Even if it would mean some work for you, taking care of her?
- Oh, thank God.
- I'll do it.
|
Anything.
There are medications to administer.
I'd have to show you how.
And I'd need for you to check her vitals, watch her pretty closely.
- I'm afraid you won't get a lot of sleep.
- I'm not much of a sleep person anyway.
- Can we go now?
Let's go now!
- Hold on!
Let me get all the medications and the instructions on howto do everything.
She's right.
Let's do this right.
We don't wanna forget anything.
Everyone stay close.
- I'm glad you called me in on this.
- Glad you answered.
Oh, yeah.
Sorry about last time.
- Heard I missed out on some fun.
- Oh, yeah, fun was had.
Also frolic, merriment and near-death high jinks.
Look.
There it is.
Wow.
We have a meteorite.
Is it hot?
Cos if there's radiation, you could go all sterile.
No, it's not hot.
It's warm.
And broken.
|
- It's sort of...
- Hollow.
Yeah.
So, we're all thinking the same thing, right?
Festive piñata?
Delicious candy?
Something evil crashed to earth in this and then broke out and slithered away to do badness.
In all fairness, I don't think we know about the "slithered" part.
Oh, no.
I'm sure it frisked about like a fluffy lamb.
Let's look around.
Maybe we can figure out where it went.
It went here!
No pulse.
Yep, the space lamb got him.
- I don't see any marks on him.
- I know him.
He was at the hospital.
A mental patient.
They released him today.
- Riley, what are you doing?
- I'm not sure, there's something...
That might be toxic.
Don't touch it.
Yeah, touching it was my first impulse.
Luckily I've moved on to my second, which involves heaving and running like hell.
Oh, man, does that smell.
- So what do we do now?
- We can't call Buffy.
- I wanna call Buffy.
|
- You can't.
She's got life stuff.
That has to come first.
So we'll just figure this out ourselves.
We're experienced.
Yes, cos it seems like we're always dealing with creatures from space.
Except that we don't ever do that.
This is definitely newterritory.
Perhaps we should explore a bit more, head into the woods a bit.
- Who votes research?
- Better idea.
Good call.
Could've been other cases like this.
I'm gonna stay here, examine the body some more, look around a little bit.
Yeah, don't do anything hunterly.
No, no, I'm just not great at research, which I'm sure you guys figured out.
- I like me a good crime scene.
- Give us a call if you need help.
Believe me, if something jumps out at me in the dark, you'll hear me without the phone.
- Call me if you learn anything.
- You got it.
I don't wanna be the one that finds the bodies any more.
I need to speakto the man at the desk.
This is A...
This is Riley Finn.
You have an Agent Miller, Graham Miller.
He'll tell you who...
Yes.
Emergency frequency.
Cold.
|
Cold.
Wait!
You can't go!
Don'tyou be that kind of barn owl!
Please!
Please don't go!
Please!
Please don't go.
Please.
Please.
Please don't...
I can't see you!
I can't see you!
I can't see you!
Well, I guess we're all set, then.
You've got my home phone number, my pager number.
And here.
These are the medications I talked to you about - the sedative and so forth, painkillers.
Right.
No problem.
If this is gonna be too much, we can make your mom comfortable here.
No.
No, no, I got this.
We really, really appreciate...
You look just like your father when he cries.
And what do you think he was begging for?
- I told you she's been...
- I know.
Joyce?
Joyce.
|
We're all done here.
- Why don'tyou take your girls home now?
- Yes.
Yes, thank you.
- Thank you for all your help, Doctor.
- I'll see you in a couple of days.
Let's get the hell outta here.
Here we go.
Oh, it's nice to be home.
- Do you wanna go into bed, Mom?
- Oh, Buffy, no.
That light, it's too bright.
- It's too bright.
It's too bright.
- OK.
OK.
- Buffy, it hurts.
It hurts my eyes.
- It's off, it's off.
Shut off the lights in the living room.
I will take you upstairs and we'll shut off the lights.
Come on.
- You Finn?
- Yeah.
Major Ellis.
I'm in charge.
What's the situation?
Just the one civilian casualty?
That I know of.
This way.
|
You found a stiff in the woods and called us in?
Don'tyou usually call your girlfriend for this kind of thing?
I wouldn't touch that stuff in his mouth if I were you.
- Toxic?
- No, just messy.
Guy seemed to have simply choked on the stuff.
Near as I can tell, it's some kind of protein alkaloid.
Does this fit the profile of any sub-T you know?
It's not subterrestrial, Major.
Extraterrestrial.
It came out of that.
- Set the trackers for a protein signature.
- Yes, sir.
No good, Major.
This alkaloid's breaking down at an accelerated rate.
- It's dissolving too fast to track.
- You got a better idea?
Thing came from space.
Gotta be some trace radiation.
We have Geiger counters in the packs.
Shouldn't be too much background gamma noise here.
Break 'em out.
Mom?
Oh, my God!
Mom, what are you doing?
I'm making breakfast.
You shouldn't eat any more.
You're disgustingly fat.
- Oh, Buffy, I don't know what I'm doing.
- You just need some rest.
|
We'll putyou backto bed.
OK, there you go.
That will help you sleep.
Come on.
Let's getyou all tucked into bed.
Don't touch me!
You... you thing!
Mom, please!
Get away from me!
- You're nothing, you're a shadow!
- Mom...
- I don't know whatyou are or how you came.
- Mom, it's Dawn.
Dawn?
Honey, what's wrong?
She's just tired.
We all are.
Come on, go to sleep.
I'll check in on you in a little bit.
She hates me.
No.
She called me a thing.
She loves you.
OK?
She's not herself.
I told you what the doctor said about the tumour.
No.
Not just Mom.
People.
They keep saying weird stuff about me.
|
Are you talking about the man in the hospital?
He called me a thing, too.
And there was another one.
A weird guy outside the magic shop.
He said I didn't belong.
He said I wasn't real.
Why does everybody keep doing that?
- What's wrong with me?
- Nothing.
It's notyou.
There's something that happens in people's brains when there's something wrong.
It's like a short circuit.
And it makes them feel like nothing's real except for them.
That's all it is.
Look, it is notyou.
OK?
And if anyone says anything like that to you again, don't listen.
Even if it's Mom.
- I hate it.
- I know.
Just don't listen.
Look at howteeny Mercury is compared to, like, Saturn.
Whereas, in contrast, the cars of the same name...
Xander, please, we have workto do here.
I still don't get why we had to come here to get info about a killer snot monster.
Because it's a killer snot monster from outer space.
I did not say that.
Demons enter our world in all sorts of different ways.
This one came from above.
And the library's astronomy section is the home of aboveness.
|
Got it.
Hey, digging this study material, too.
We've scoured the periodicals for other meteorite landings in the last week.
- Big zippo.
- Well, then the world is not being invaded.
- I'm pretty pleased about that.
- Guys?
I've got some stuff.
The most recent meteoric anomaly was the Tunguska blast in Russia in 1917.
Some witnesses claimed the meteor was hollow.
Maybe with a chewy demon centre like ours.
- Howfar back does this list of anomalies go?
- Pretty far.
- To the Queller impact in the 12th century.
- The what?
Queller.
I don't know why they call it that.
It didn't hit a place called Queller.
It landed just outside of Reykjavik in Iceland.
Wait, I just saw...
Queller.
Quell...
Here, here.
"Primitive people used to believe the moon caused insanity."
"They would pray to the moon to send a meteor to fix the problem the moon caused."
"These meteors were expected to 'quell' the madmen."
The man in the woods - he was a mental patient.
And he got pretty well... quelled.
OK, I'm looking in history right now.
It says in the Middle Ages there were these sweeping plagues of madness.
|
People were losing their marbles everywhere, but then it would suddenly subside.
And these dates look pretty close.
Like maybe it happened after each one of the meteor events.
As if something emerged from the meteors and quelled the madmen.
Meteor go boom, crazy guy goes bye-bye.
Xander's little book made it sound like this Queller thing had to be summoned.
So who summoned it?
Who else?
My money's on Glory, our resident beastie summoner.
We should call Buffy.
Except we can't call Buffy.
- Can we?
- No, but we better call Riley.
- A Queller demon?
- Yeah, that's our perp.
- A scavenger that can be summoned to kill...
- Crazy people.
Yeah.
How'd you know?
- Cos I have five corpses at the mental ward.
- You're at the hospital?
Listen, Riley, I saw Buffy's mom earlier and she was acting kinda wacky.
Insane wacky, if you know what I mean?
It's OK.
Joyce was released earlier today.
That intern, Ben, told me.
- They're safe at home.
- Oh, good.
And the thing, the Queller, is it still there?
We've...
|
I think I've got it cornered in the air ducts.
Willow, keep at whatyou're doing.
Call me if you find out how I can kill it.
OK, but shouldn't we come help?
OK.
I wish someone had told me that there would be tennis being played!
I just didn't know.
Those eyes...
Those eyes, they're like gasoline puddles!
Tell me.
Tell me because I need to know why.
Why are you staring at me like that?
What are you asking me?
You are asking me, aren'tyou?
Is this a test?
And if this counts for the final grade, I need to know now!
OK, teachers put this on the syllabus, but they do not stare down atyou, they do not cling, they do not look down on you.
Does someone know you're here?
They should have said.
You are not supposed to be here.
I need to rest now.
I don't like the way you're staring at me!
Did they tell you that at the gate?
Stop staring at me.
I don't like it!
- Trail stops here, edge of the parking lot.
- It stops?
A car.
It hitched a ride, probably underneath.
So much for containment.
|
So some poor mental patient checks out of here today, drives away with this thing, took it right to its own home.
- Checked out today.
- Get me a list of patients discharged...
No.
I know where it's going.
We've gotta move, now!
I'm going to close my eyes, and when I open them you are going to go away.
Get off me!
Buffy!
Buffy!
- What?
What is it?
- Something's out there.
It's after Mom!
Stay in here.
Don't leave this room.
It's OK, my baby.
It's OK.
- Spike?
- Yeah.
Listen, did you hear a noise?
What the hell are you doing in my house?
Right then.
Caught me.
Your basement's full of junk.
And me being in need of junk...
- You were stealing?
- Yeah.
Can't exactly work at Burger Barn...
Wait.
|
Are those pictures of me?
Buffy!
Cover the room!
We're in.
Fan out!
Take the back!
Clear!
Are you OK?
You just missed a real nice time.
- It's gone.
I killed it.
- Oh, God.
- It's gone?
You promise?
- I promise.
Everything is all right.
Everything is all right.
It's strange.
A body might ask what exactly it is you think you're doing.
He might ask what all this was meant to accomplish because to a humble postulant it looks like chaos.
Like unnecessary attention drawn where it ought not to be.
- Get out.
- Sir.
Sir, forgive me.
I just want to understand.
Why summon the Queller?
What do you think?
Because I'm cleaning up Glory's mess.
Just like I've done my whole damn life.
Buffy, I'm gonna ask you something.
|
And if I'm being crazy, you just tell me, OK?
You got it.
The other day...
Actually, I'm not sure when.
The days seem to all bleed together.
- It's not important.
- No, I guess it isn't.
I do know I was pretty out of it, and I had... not a dream exactly, more like I had this knowledge.
It just came to me like truth, you know?
Even though it didn't seem possible.
- Even though I shouldn't think such things.
- What?
That Dawn...
She's not mine, is she?
No.
She's...
She does belong to us, though?
Yes, she does.
And she's important.
To the world.
Precious.
As precious as you are to me.
Then we have to take care of her.
Buffy, promise me.
If anything happens, if I don't come through this...
- Mom...
- No, listen to me.
No matter what she is, she still feels like my daughter.
I have to knowthatyou'll take care of her, thatyou'll keep her safe, thatyou'll love her like I love you.
I promise.
|
Good.
Good.
My sweet, brave Buffy.
What would I do withoutyou?
Ripped by thewildbunch22
ENGLISH
Out of the desert some people came.
They were afraid.
They never stopped being afraid.
The journey had been a long one.
Hi.
Listen,
I really need to pee.
It's alright?
No problem.
Can't sleep?
Ray, are you asleep?
No.
I think we should have waited until they got the plane fixed.
Look sweetie, it's still in Sukana.. .believe me. ..
Did you get the pictures developed?
No.
I'll do it when we get home.
Do you think we're ever going to get there?
What time is it?
Honey, why don't you just.. .
He's gotta be going the wrong way.
No, he's not going the wrong way.
Then why aren't we there yet?
|
Would you go and talk to him?
Please?
Ray.. .
Hey, how s it going?
Travel this road a lot?
No, I'm following that.
Ray.
Ray.
What are you doing?
I can't find the water.
Here you are.
Hey, hey, there s no reason to worry, love.
Everything's going as planned, you'll see.
We're just a bit delayed, that s all.
I m not really suited to this kind of thing, Paul.
'Course you are.
It would have been a much better idea.. .
if you and your f ather had come on your own.
Rubbish. ..
I wouldn't go out travelling without you now would I, love?
I'm only in the way.
You'II never get to know him like this.
He's got to get to know you too, alright?
I can take care of the pair of you, okay?
Hey, where's the road?
That's the road.
180 degrees due South.
This can't be the road to Emerald Bay, it s a gravel path.
It is the road.
C mon, sit down.
|
I'll deal with this.
Now will you please go back to your seats.
C'mon, I'll deal with it!
Dad!
Shut up a moment Paul, will you please?
Try turning again!
Why?
Just try turning again, will you?
That compass doesn't work.
Look, we're almost out of petrol.
I think you should stop the bus.
It'll be okay.
It II be okay.
Look.
What the hell is that?
Can you come with me and help me fill up the tank, please?
Shit!
Those bloody idiots!
What the fuck do we do now?
I don't know.
You don't know?
What do you mean you don't know?
You've gotta have some kind of instructions on what to do if.. .
something like this happens!
You've gotta have some kind of emergency plan for Christ s sake.
I'm sorry.
Let s go over to one of those houses and see if anyone's there.
What in the hell s he doing?
He's wetting himself I would imagine.
The jerricans are empty !
|
- This blasted developing country!
- What?
And that idiot thinks he can find somebody !
He's met someone!
C'mon, c mon, let s help him!
Ray.
Hey, should I wake this guy or...?
Yes.
Hi.
What's happened?
Well, we.. .um...we went off course a bit, but now they... found a guy and gas and they're just filling up the tank so.
Gas?
Yeah.
Careful of your back.
Okay, one...two. ..three!
You can't drive on that stuff.
Why not?
It s kerosene!
Most buses can manage fine on it.
Alright, everybody back on the bus!
Avoid panicking, never panic!
That's the thing.
That's the trick.
Keep a clear head.
Know what I mean?
C mon!
Oh my God!
C mon!
You can't just drag me and my family out into... the middle of the fucking desert, and leave me with a bunch of strangers, do you understand?
Driver, driver, try it again, will you?
|
Where are you going?
Don't you run away you fucking idiot!
Leave him alone.
Don't you fucking touch me.
Okay, okay, okay.
Let's just calm down. ..
we're going to find a phone and we'll call for help.
There's no telephone here.
Well, yea, but I m sure somebody's got a cell phone!
No, but you can't get a signal out here, you moron!
Who are you calling a moron, you fat fuck!
Oh, shut your face.
Excuse me, this is a no smoking bus...
Ray!
Why are you calling me a moron because I have a fucking idea?
Paul, Paul. ..sit down, would you?
May I have your attention please?
We might as well face it.
We're going to be here some time.
Well, I can't.
I have to get home.
Yes, well that won't be right away.
But. ..someone must come along!
What about him?
His name is Kanana.
Don't count on him.
He's lived out here ever since the Germans closed the mine.
We can't count on anyone just coming along either.
There hasn't been any traffic through here for years.
I don't want to be here.
|
I have to get home.
I have appointments...
Someone must be looking for us.
Look,
I think we've driven at least 500 miles in the wrong direction...
We've got to get going right away!
Let s leave right now!
Let's go!
Well, be my guest!
It s about 150 miles to the nearest village.
Well, we've gotta do something!
We have to walk!
If I m not home within 25 hours, you have no idea what s going to happen.. .
Shut up!
And sit down!
Sir, we can't just sit here and do nothing.
You know.
Can't somebody go and get some help?
Well, there is a small village about 35 degrees east of here.
It's in that direction.
I'd like to go!
I'll go!
No fucking chance!
You couldn't find your way out of a public toilet!
It should take me about 4 or 5 days.
Sir, you can't go, you can't.
We need you here, uh, Mr. ...
My name is Jack.
We need you here.
Look I'm the only one who stands a chance out there.
|
Well, what about us?
Excuse me madam, do you understand this?
Excuse me?
This is a serious situation!
Am I right?
This is a serious situation.
Oh, it's deadly serious.
There are five rules for surviving in the desert.
We get water, gather food reserves, build a shelter, remain visible, and keep our spirits up!
At night, dew f alls and that s going to save us.
The dew will form on the roofs.
We're going to have to rig up some sort of containers.. .
and catch every last drop of it.
That ought to ensure enough drinking water for everyone.
With regard to food, there are some old boxes behind Kanana's house.
They're filled with these.
Carrots.
But it s important that you don't eat the dented ones.
They could be poisonous.
Now, shelter.
I can tell you that it gets extremely cold out here at night, so I recommend that you each pick a house.
There are plenty to choose from.
It may be that a plane may fly overhead.
So I suggest that we pull off one of the wing mirrors off the bus, and use it to signal to them using the sun.
At night, we remain visible by having a fire burning constantly.
We're going to have to work out some sort of rota. ..
so that we have at least two people... watching the fire and making sure that it never goes out.
But above all, we must stay positive and keep our spirits up!
You got it?
And in the meantime,
|
I suggest you find a suitable spot and dig yourselves a hole.
What for?
Feces!
This is the holiday I've always dreamed about.
Go out into the middle of the desert and dig a hole. ..
as long as there's shit, there's hope.
You know, there's something I like about that driver.
He knows he's full of shit.
Look at the size of the hole he's digging!
Hey, these holes are too close together.
Move them further apart.
Why?
Spread of infection.
Look, if I'm not back in 5 days,
take the tires off the bus and burn them up on that ridge somewhere.
Black smoke can be seen a long way off.
Why don't we do it now then?
You never let all your ammo off in one go.
Five days.
Five days.
Hey!
Charlie boy !
Coming in?
There's plenty of booze left.
Shouldn't you be looking after the fire?
Henry's happy to watch it on his own for a while.
Paul needs to relax a bit.
In your own time then.
That's not the way to dance to this stuff !
How are we supposed to dance to it then?
|
You remember the film?
John Travolta and Olivia Newton John?
Olivia Newton John wasn't in it.
I'll be John Travolta.
That was Grease!
It s a great film!
That's not Grease.
That's Saturday Night Fever!
Oh yeah, that was a good film as well!
Caught you!
I caught you.
I saw you looking!
You're just like all the other guys.. . aren't you Ray, it s tits and ass isn't it?
Huh?
Ass and tits!
You're just better at hiding it aren't you?
What is it that really turns you on?
Huh?
C'mon, is it tits or is it ass?
Tits!
Believe me honey I know the magnetic power of tits.
Gravity.
Is there anybody?
Pull me up.
Hello my friend!
Hey sexy guy!
Mon amie.
C'mon!
Get down to the funky groove...
Shhh...
|
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