Split (1)

train · 64k rows

text stringlengths 21 20.4k
OKAY, GOOD. THE PROBLEM... IS CINDY. WHAT'S WRONG WITH CINDY? COCAINE. ALCOHOL. YOU'RE KIDDING ME. WE JUST PUT HER BACK INTO A REHAB CENTER. IT'S THE THIRD ONE SHE'S BEEN IN IN A YEAR AND A HALF. SEE, WHEN SARAH AND I FIRST FOUND OUT THAT SHE HAD THIS PROBLEM WE SAT HER DOWN AND TALKED TO HER. WE TOLD HER THAT WE LOVED HER VERY MUCH. AND WE WOULD DO ANYTHING TO HELP HER. SHE SAID SHE WANTED HELP SO WE SENT HER TO THE COUNSELOR. SHE WENT ALONE. SARAH AND I WENT WITH HER. YEAH. BUT SHE WASN'T GETTING BETTER SO WE FOUND THE BEST REHABILITATION CENTER IN THE CITY. AND IT WORKED. WHEN SHE GOT OUT IT WAS LIKE SARAH AND I HAD OUR LITTLE BABY AGAIN. FOR ABOUT THREE OR FOUR WEEKS, EVERYTHING WAS FINE. THEN SHE DISAPPEARED- THREE DAYS SHE WAS GONE. SARAH AND I WERE GOING CRAZY. THE POLICE COULDN'T EVEN FIND HER.
AND THEN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT I GOT A PHONE CALL. "DADDY? "PLEASE, CAN I COME HOME? COME GET ME." SHE WAS LIVING WITH A BOY I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IN A FILTHY APARTMENT! I FOUND HER CURLED UP ON A MATTRESS IN THE CORNER OF THE ROOM. WHEN I PICKED HER UP, SHE WENT LIMP IN MY ARMS JUST LIKE WHEN SHE WAS A LITTLE BABY AND SHE'D FALL ASLEEP IN FRONT OF THE TV AND I'D TAKE HER UP TO BED. WELL, WE... WE PUT HER BACK INTO THE REHAB CENTER. THIS TIME, WHEN SHE GOT OUT SHE SAID TO ME: "DADDY, I'M GOING TO MAKE IT THIS TIME. EVERYTHING'S GOING TO BE FINE." FOR A COUPLE OF MONTHS, EVERYTHING WAS FINE. THEN MONEY STARTED DISAPPEARING FROM SARAH'S PURSE. I STARTED SEEING CHANGES IN CINDY. PHYSICALLY, SHE WASN'T RIGHT. DID SHE THINK WE WERE SO STUPID THAT WE COULDN'T SEE THESE THINGS? I WANT TO KNOW HOW DID IT GET INTO MY HOUSE? WHAT WAS SHE DOING WITH IT? SNEAKING OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. SARAH AND I BOTH GOING DAY BY DAY
NOT KNOWING IF SHE'S ALIVE OR DEAD. LOOK, CLIFF THIS IS KILLING ME. IT'S KILLING HER MOTHER. AND IT'S RIPPING MY FAMILY APART. I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT DID YOU DO? HOW DID YOU KEEP IT FROM YOUR KIDS? I DON'T KNOW. I KNOW THAT... CLAIR AND I DO THE SAME THING THAT YOU AND SARAH HAVE DONE. AND IT'S JUST LUCK. I DON'T KNOW. IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU AND SARAH HAVE DONE ALL YOU CAN. AND IT'S UP TO CINDY NOW. YOU WANT ME TO TALK TO HER? NO. SHE'S TALKED TO PEOPLE SHE RESPECTS... I BEG YOUR PARDON? I DON'T MEAN IT THAT WAY. I MEAN, PEOPLE THAT SHE LOVES AND THAT SHE KNOWS HAVE SAT DOWN WITH HER ONE-ON-ONE. IT HASN'T MADE ANY DIFFERENCE... YET. MAYBE THIS TIME, CINDY WILL DO IT. I HOPE SO. YEAH. THERE'S NOTHING MORE I CAN SAY. ME, TOO.
THAT'S ABOUT THE FIRST TIME A MOREHOUSE MAN HAS HAD NOTHING TO SAY. OR CAME TO A HILLMAN MAN FOR ADVICE. COME ON. NO, PLEASE... THERE YOU ARE. BUT NOW YOUR TEA IS COLD. OH, CLAIR, I'M SORRY. I WAS DOWNSTAIRS BENDING CLIFF'S EAR. I CAN WARM IT UP. OH, NO, THANK YOU. I'VE REALLY GOT TO BE GOING. IT WAS GOOD TO SEE YOU. YOU, TOO. TELL SARAH I SAID HELLO. I WILL. OKAY, ANYTHING YOU NEED, CLAIR AND I ARE AVAILABLE. ALL RIGHT? THANK YOU, BUDDY. ALL RIGHT. TAKE CARE. HERE, DAN. I'LL SEE YOU, DAN. WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT? IT'S ALL ABOUT HOW LUCKY WE ARE. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I WILL TELL YOU SOME TIME WHEN WE'RE BOTH VERY, VERY HAPPY. HEY, MOM. HEY, DAD.
HEY, MR. HUXTABLE. HELLO, WALTER. FINISH YOUR HOMEWORK? YEP, WE'RE FINISHED. ALREADY? WE'RE WRITING A RAP FOR SPEECH CLASS. WANT TO HEAR? SURE. IT'S KIND OF ROUGH, BUT YOU'LL GET THE IDEA. * LIFE'S A PARTY * * LIFE'S A GAME * * LISTEN TO US * * AND YOU WON'T BE THE SAME * * WE'RE FLYING HIGH IN THE SKY * * LUNCHING ON BURGERS, NOT SMALL FRIES... * HOLD IT, HOLD IT. WE'RE NOT FINISHED YET, DAD. CAN'T YOU HAVE SOME FUN TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE? I DON'T WANT TO TAKE AWAY YOUR FUN- STUDYING CAN BE FUN- CHALLENGING YOURSELF CAN BE FUN. YOU'RE RIGHT ABOUT THAT. DAD, WE'LL HAVE TO WRITE IT ALL OVER AGAIN. REALLY? I DON'T THINK IT WILL BE THE FIRST TIME YOU HAD TO START OVER AGAIN. OKAY, COME ON, COCKROACH. I TOLD YOU WE SHOULD HAVE DONE THIS AT MY HOUSE.
HEY, MOM. HMM? I KNOW WHAT THAT THING IS. WHAT? A USED TEABAG-HOLDER. THAT'S NOT FUNNY. I'M SERIOUS. WHEN YOU MAKE A CUP OF TEA WHERE DO YOU PUT THE TEABAG? LISTEN, LITTLE MISS KNOW-IT-ALL WHATEVER THIS IS THAT YOU MADE IT'S OKAY, IT'S CRAFT. I LOOK AT IT AND I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IT IS. BUT THIS, MY DEAR, IS HIGH ART. IT CHALLENGES YOU. YOU HAVE TO BRING SOMETHING OF YOURSELF TO THIS. IT'S SAYING SOMETHING TO ME NOW. WHAT? IT'S SAYING, "BRING ME A TEABAG." I'LL GET YOU. I'LL GET IT. STOP. COME HERE! DAD! HEY, DON'T FIGHT WITH MY CLOTHES ON, PLEASE. THIS CHILD IS MAKING FUN OF MY ART. YOU'RE PROVOKING IT, DEAR. I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU TWO. THEN DON'T MAKE ANYTHING ELSE LIKE THAT AGAIN. I'M TAKING THIS SOMEPLACE WHERE IT WILL BE APPRECIATED.
OH, YEAH? WELL, IT'S A LONG WAY TO VENUS. I'VE HAD IT WITH YOU THIS EVENING. WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT? I WAS JUST LAUGHING, YOU KNOW- HO-HO, HEE-HEE. I'M DOOMED. WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME? YOU DIDN'T FIND YOUR PAPER? I LOOKED EVERYWHERE. YOU DID? RUDY WAS NO HELP? SHE FOUND YOUR FOUNTAIN PEN. GOOD. A KEY CHAIN, A PAIR OF CHOPSTICKS YOUR GOLD EARRINGS... GREAT! AND $3.00 IN CHANGE. THAT'S MINE. I'LL HAVE TO DROP OUT OF SCHOOL. OKAY, VANESSA, WHY DON'T WE RETRACE OUR STEPS? ALL RIGHT? THE LAST TIME YOU REMEMBER HAVING IT, WHERE WERE YOU? IN THE KITCHEN. I HAD IT IN THIS HAND. IN THIS HAND. THEN WHERE DID YOU GO? I CALLED JANET. AH, THAT'S SOUNDS LOGICAL. SO YOU CALLED JANET, RIGHT?
TALKING ON THE PHONE- "HELLO, HE SAID THAT SHE SAID WHAT DID SHE SAID... "NO, THAT'S NOT RIGHT. HE SAID THAT SHE SAID... " DAD. WHAT DID YOU DO NEXT? I GOT HUNGRY. YOU GOT HUNGRY. YOU HUNG UP... NO! I GOT SOME POTATO CHIPS. POTATO CHIPS BACK HERE. "NO, CALL ME BACK. YOU TELL HIM WHO SAID, WE SAID, WE ALL SAID... " AND GET THE POTATO CHIPS, RIGHT? POTATO CHIPS AND THE PAPER. I GOT THIRSTY. THIRSTY. I GOT A GLASS. GET YOUR GLASS. "AND WE SAID, OH, YOU'RE KIDDING. I DIDN'T SAY THAT... " THEN I GOT A SODA OUT OF THE REFRIGERATOR. "HE SAID, WE SAID, YOU SAID AND EVERYBODY SAID THE SAID SAID." IT WASN'T COLD ENOUGH. SO I GOT SOME ICE. SOME ICE. SO WE GO INTO THE FREEZER AND THIS IS
WHAT WE HAVE. MY PAPER! I FOUND IT! I FOUND MY PAPER! SHOULD I PUT IT IN THE OVEN TO THAW? NO! IT WAS IN THE FREEZER. THANKS, MOM. THANKS, DAD. HOW'S IT GOING? WE'RE FINISHED. I THINK WE DID PRETTY WELL. WE'LL BE THE JUDGES OF THAT. OKAY. COME ON. ALL RIGHT. OKAY, YOU READY? MM-HMM. THIS WAS WRITTEN BY THE ROACH... AND THEO. SO MOM AND DAD, HERE WE GO. * THIS IS YOUR LIFE TO DO SOMETHING WITH * * DON'T BE TOO SCARED TO COMPETE * * DON'T STAND AROUND LOSING GROUND * * OR YOU'LL END UP ON THE STREET * * YOU GOT TO DO SOMETHING WITH YOUR LIFE * * DON'T BE TOO SCARED TO TRY * * DON'T DEVELOP A FROWN THEN STAND AROUND * * UNTIL LIFE JUST PASSES YOU BY * * WHEN YOU WAKE UP AND BEGIN TO SEE *
* LIFE AIN'T A PIECE OF CAKE * * WHETHER YOU WIN BIG OR LOSE REAL BAD * * SLEEP IN THE BED YOU MAKE * * THIS IS YOUR LIFE TO DO SOMETHING WITH * * DON'T BE TOO SCARED TO COMPETE * * DON'T STAND AROUND LOSING GROUND * * OR YOU'LL END UP ON THE STREET * * YOU GOT TO KEEP BURNING THAT MIDNIGHT OIL * * THE FACT THAT * * YOU GOT TO STUDY HARD * * AND STUDY LONG * * AND EXERCISE YOUR BRAINS * * THIS IS YOUR LIFE TO DO SOMETHING WITH * * DON'T BE TOO SCARED TO COMPETE * * DON'T STAND AROUND LOSING GROUND * * OR YOU'LL END UP ON THE STREET, OH * * OR YOU'LL END UP ON THE STREET, OOH * * OR YOU'LL END UP ON THE STREET * after The morning Prayers, The people of This locality... should vacate This village immediately... because Rasooli, with his valiant soldiers... will be attacking The royal army. Rasooli doesn"T want The innocent common people... To be victimised in This battle. L"ve an idea To stop The forward march of Rasooli"s men. Lf you allow me To speak... The map of your Plan is clearly visible... in The fear of your eyes and The Terror on your face. let that desert rat Take charge Today. Tomorrow we will snatch back our Place from him and his life Too. Till Khaled around, Rasooli cannoT Possibly Take Possession. L"m The custodian and it"s my duty To protect This Place. duty is another name for honour.
Don"T snatch my honour from me. All of you leave. L"ll protect This Place. You, Khaled? You want To stay back alone here and embrace death? L"ve a Plan. Lf you permit... - Go ahead. While leaving, people have Taken away every drop of water. The main Tank is absolutely empty. L"ll fill that main Tank with petrol... The main Tank supplies water To every tap in The city. just one explosion will blow away Thousands of homes... alongwiTh Rasooli"s army. This isn"T a Plan, but madness. - This Plan cannoT Possibly succeed. This Plan will result in his death. You have The Permission To stay back. No, L won"T leave without you. Try To understand, Ayesha. Today my loyalty is aT test. And it"s a test for me Too. And L"m sure To fulfill it. nothing but death can separate me from you. Khaled"s wife experienced severe Pains because of her Pregnancy. All The Physicians and doctors had left The city. The hospitals had burned down. consequently, Khaled was forced To leave for another city. Have patience. We are nearing our destination. Alas!
only if The almighty had given This discomfort To men. Don"T call iT discomfort. rather, call iT a blessing from Allah. Ayesha, stop! Don"T worry, lieutenant. LT"s an ordinary wound. LT"ll heal soon. Do you recognise me? L"m Rasooli Al-Jabbar Nasser. My right, my rule has been snatched away from me... and handed over To my deceitful brother. LT"s you who is deceitful! Why do you forget that you are The adopted Progeny? that"s why you were never The successor To Shah"s Throne. after becoming military commander, you conspired To kill Shah"s son. Because of that you have been roaming around in The desert Till Today. Where"s my wife, Rasooli? Where"s my wife, L ask? Your wife is presently in my wife"s tent. You have got me wrong. L Too have a wife who"s pregnant like your wife. She"s going To be a mother. not just you, but everybody understands me wrongly. L"m assumed To be a Thief, a robber and a dacoit. but Rasooli isn"T a dacoit. rather, he"s an uncrowned king of The desert. Rasooli respects your bravery and loyalty. Anyway, forget all This. let"s celebrate. L"ll be becoming The father of a son Today. Lf This Time Too, my wife gives birth To a daughter The Third Time Too... alongwiTh The girl, L"ll eliminate my wife Too.
L"m going To my wife"s tent. LT"s Possible that L might give you a good news upon my return. what say, Rashid? Ls The Ldd moon visible? No. The sky is covered with stormy clouds. that"s why The moon is not visible. L should be informed as soon as The moon is visible. All right. Please come. You won"T have To kill The child out of fury or rage. The messenger of death has killed The child in The womb itself. Have a bit of mercy on me. Kill me This Time around. lieutenant Khaled"s wife has given birth To a son. but his wife died as soon as The child was born. Good wishes on The Ldd moon. This is a miracle. that day Too was The 29Th of The Ramzan. The moment The child was born, The Ldd moon was visible. The moon"s rays were falling on The child. after many years, that child laid The foundation of This sulTanaTe... and he became it"s emperor. Similarly, The rays of The Ldd moon are falling on him. He will surely become The emperor of This sulTanaTe. The one who will rule my SulTanaTe after L"m gone... has been born To us. The world of my dreams had been enveloped in darkness since ages. The one who will brighten it has appeared. This is a miracle of nature. This is how He blesses The fakirs with Priceless Treasures. what?
Infants are speechless. And corpses don"T speak. Give him To me. This is what Allah wishes. Have you understood? - Yes. LT is all Allah"s wish. Make The announcement that a son has been born To Rasool. L will affectionately call him sultan! Have patience, Khaled. LT was Allah"s wish. The death of my wife has been caused because of The wounds... which have been inflicted by your orders. L"m not cruel like you are... that for my need, L would kill my Progeny... or kill my wife for The sake of a Progeny. L loved my wife intensely. We wanted our Progeny. just like you dream for your kingdom... similarly, our Progeny were like our kingdom. We Too dreamed of our sulTanaTe. but because of you, all my dreams have been shattered. My wife is dead. our Progeny has been born dead. You are responsible for Their death. And Today, L will become responsible for your death. stop! L don"T want To kill him myself. Because he has given me a gift... which L cannoT repay even if L have To sell my soul. Take him away, and leave him in The deserts. He will die because of thirst and hunger. For him, The desert will become a burial. You sent for me? Jubeida, you have served me devoTedly Till Today.
You never gave me an opportunity To complain. but a secret is a very dangerous Thing. just like a corpse cannoT be buried in Two coffins... similarly, one secret cannoT live in Two hearts. So iT"s better To Pierce open one of The hearts. Don"T worry. Your entire family will be looked after completely. Goodbye, Jubeida! - No! Rasooli, L won"T spare you! Lf L hadn"T survived... my dream of eliminating Rasooli would"ve been buried with me. The obligation that you have done on me by saving my life... in return, L"m prepared To make every sacrifice. Promise? Every True Muslim is True To his word. And Khaled is also a True Muslim, besides being a soldier. urdu-English...? She"s learning urdu language! This...! Ln This costume? L want To become your wife. with his bravery and devotion To The sultanate... lieutenant Khaled saved The kingdom from going into another"s custody. L"m so very Thankful To Khaled... for his obligations on This kingdom and my ancestors. Khaled"s name will be written in gold in The Pages of my history... so that every child born in This sulTanaTe remembers his bravery. My sulTanaTe had come into existence on This day. So, on The occasion of The anniversary of This sulTanaTe... L"m appointing Khaled as The Commander of my army. congratulations! This day is so very fortunate. not only has Khaled become a Commander... buT he has also been blessed by The almighty. A boy has been born in General Khaled"s home.
congratulations. Today, both my sulTanaTe, as well as General Khaled"s son... both have come into existence simultaneously. So, General Khaled"s son is not just his son... buT The son of The sultanate Too. The sultanate is responsible for everything about Khaled"s son. L make The announcement Today that all his educational... and other expenses will be borne by The sultanate. And he will be sent abroad for his education. Your Highness... You have honoured me by making me a General. And by Taking such a big step of for my son"s education... L will never be able To repay you for your favours. but L Take an oath... Till L don"T eliminate Rasooli... Till Then, L won"T see my son"s face. what if you aren"T able To kill Rasooli all your life? that"s impossible. Rasooli is surely destined To die aT my hands. God forbid, if This doesn"T happen, Then L"ll be liable To be Punished. And as a punishment, L will not see my son"s face all my life. despite living under The same roof... how can a father Turn his face from The son? You won"T understand that. For a soldier, that is of far greater importance. To avoid any likelihood of your love and my affection Towards my son... overwhelming my goals... L want To send you and my son far away from myself... Till such Time when L fulfill my oath. Jane, Take Sameer and go abroad. Goodbye. Khaled continued To attack Rasooli continuously. but Rasooli used To escape every Time. Time flew...saPlings grew into Trees, but Rasooli wasn"T To be found. perhaps, nature was testing his bravery and his oath.
Bravo, my sultan! Bravo! o papa! Around The same Time, There was a storm... and Khaled didn"T know that his own blood...his own son... was his most Powerful enemy. There"s a message for you from abroad. "mother has Passed away" "We are awaiting you. Sameer" o almighty! Such a hard test! Dear Sameer... By extending Rasooli"s life, Allah has deprived me... from executing The final rites of your mother and my wife. Send a reply To Sameer that L won"T be able To come. Bravo, my son! listen...where"s Abul Hasan"s house? - over There. greetings. - greetings. L"m so fortunate To have been graced with your Presence. Please come. over There...on your left. Who"s he, father? Son, he"s The sultan. Why has The sultan come here? Allah knows better. but The regretful Thing is that... The Poor people, who yearn To meet Their sultan... They don"T know that The one who Passes Through Them... is none other Than The future emperor. The Programme has been confirmed for tonight. L found a Trunk loaded with weapons.
Nobody knows. that Trunk is like The royal arsenal. cartridges inside The guns. Nobody knows. Lf you are fortunate enough... inside that Trunk, 100 guns and 1000 cartridges are sure To be found. Nobody knows. You know my Price. My money. L"ll Take The weapons with one hand. And Pay The amount with another hand. but L experience itching in my hands right from The beginning. whether you scratch your hand or your entire body... you won"T get The money Till L don"T get The weapons. The soldiers are searching for me in every corner as if L were a rat. Nobody knows that L"m selling you stolen guns. You will get The money. that"s a sultan"s word. Nobody knows. For a sultan, even my life and my heart can be sacrificed. what"s money, after all? L will Throw The money in The ocean. And L will dive into it and retrieve it back. LT"s money, after all. The fight commences! Wow! sultan! You haven"T changed aT all. You eat a whole goat, but you don"T put on weight. Have you seen your face in The mirror? Looks like you haven"T eaten since you were born. Hey!
They are both friends! Do you both know each other? - Know each other? We are both childhood friends. Fool! You should consider The circumstances. You should meet me decently and in a proper way. The man who was To have given me a Trunk full of guns has run away. He ran away? Why? Looking at your behaviour, he thought you"re some official from The Palace. L? Loyal To The government? L mix water in government"s milk... L even adulTeraTe The salt with sand. And L mix camel"s excreTa in The chilly Powder. Instead of figs, L serve donkey"s dried excreTa To government officers. LT"s because of me that The trumpets sound in Their stomachs. They run repeatedly with The water cans. Anyway, forget all that. You will continue getting weapons. but where will you get a friend? The pot is broken. The Promise is broken! L am The Thief, you are The cop. both of us are brothers. not L, catch him. He"s The Thief. Ls There some Place To hide? Why?
It's okay to operate here, but don't forget to pay us our cut. - Show us some respect. - Those are your rules. I'm not a yakuza. I'm not paying you anything. But you're acting like a yakuza. So let the police arrest me, but I don't have to listen to your bullshit. You're dead, asshole! Don't say such stupid things. You are the stupid thing. Waiting? For your date? He's not coming. We can go to the disco or whatever. Boss Kitajima called you a little while ago. Said he'd call again. How did it go? Let's scare him. I'll take it. It's the old man. Yes, sir. Today? I got it. How are you, sir? I thought you decided to go back home. The cafe owner needed a waiter, so I figured I'd postpone the trip. - Then act like a waiter. - Yes, sir. If you screw me, I'll make you pay for it, punk. Sorry, sir.
Marakawa Productions. It's for you, sir. Katagiri speaking. - Tanaka can drive, can't he? - Yes, he can. - You know the mah-jong parlor? - Yes. - Go there and wait for me. - Got it. You can't? Don't bullshit me! I'll cut off your balls! We're loan sharks with a reputation to maintain! Don't fuck with us! Ken, I'm thinking about retiring. We've been living the tough life too long. Yeah, I'm worn out. Maybe you're too rich for this business. Here they are. I hear he's doing real good these days. Because of the new subway line, business in his turf is booming. Our business is lousy. - Well, this might change our luck. - So handle it carefully, okay? The Nakamatsu clan of Okinawa started a war against the Anan clan. They are begging for your help. So we've got to send some troops. Would you fly down there with some guys? Last time we were sent out, three of my men were killed. I'm not happy about that.
That's how you earned your turf. Business is booming, isn't it? Show the boss some appreciation. Only if you go with me, Takahashi. You know my job. I gotta take care of the boss, the syndicate operation. - I can't deal with a local issue. - How about my turf? - You have a good lieutenant. - Think about it, will you? It's to restore peace. There should be no bloodshed. You may smoke. Nakamatsu might be my sworn brother but he's never done anything for me. He's merely a distant relative to the family. Unlike you guys. You're my immediate family. We've sworn allegiance and put our lives into your hands, boss. You're putting my life into his hands. Mr. Murakawa, there's a call for you. I'm taking off. Have a good night, sir. Ladies, you may join us now. What the fuck? What? - What's going on? - Look over there. We're bad, aren't we? - Mr. Murakawa, can we talk? - Buzz off, numbnut.
Please, be reasonable. How much do you want? Sorry, too late. How long can he stay underwater? A couple of minutes, I guess. - Let's try two minutes. - Dunk him. Mr. Murakawa, please, don't kill me. - Check him. - Upward. Mr. Murakawa! Still breathing, huh? Please, stop. - Try three minutes. - Sink the man. Stop it, please. Stop it, please. Mr. Murakawa! There's something fishy about the Okinawa job. The old man says both sides are waiting for us to negotiate. The situation is sticky in Okinawa. We lost three men in the Hokkaido job. - It's over three minutes, isn't it? - You're right. Hoist him up. Boy, we killed him. It doesn't matter. Cover it up. Yes. I'm Sakai.
Hello, sir. Okumura, sir. Hirose, sir. Itoh, sir. I'll have my men join you guys later. You'd be happy if I dropped dead, right? Sure. I'd feel safe pissing again. Tell us who you are. Maeda, sir. Ohno, sir. Tsuda, sir. Why are you here? Mr. Takahashi says you can take me to Okinawa. Fuck, they look green. This is no kindergarten picnic! You fuck off! What's going on? I told you to quit that stuff. Welcome to Okinawa, gentlemen. Now we take you to your office. Have some rest, and the boss will take you out to dinner. Hi, my name's Ryoji. I have some drinks and ice cream here. So whoever wants those... Let's go, Shiraishi. Yes, sir. Something to drink? You stabbed me in the belly and it still hurts. I'm in wonderland.
We haven't used this office for quite a while. It's not clean but you won't be staying for long, so I guess it's okay. The restroom is over there. - Ryoji, bring the pieces. - Sure. I don't think you need these, but in case you feel lonely, take your pick. We kicked some butt faces and conned these. What does this mean? It means "hello" and nothing more. It could mean the end of the war. What are we supposed to do now? The boss talked to the Anan clan a little while ago. Some of them got excited seeing you guys coming. You want a tea break or what? I guess we have to say hello to them. I'll give it a try. Big deal, you idiot! It was made in the USA. You can trust it. Now what? It all started out with a goofball from my side shooting an Anan guy, but it's nothing. Nobody got killed and I didn't need any help. Your old man insisted on sending some troops. Well, I appreciate your coming all this way. We were told that you were desperate. It's new to me. Like I said, your old man insisted. Nothing serious there. It's one of those little problems we encounter every day. What is your plan tonight?
Mr. Uyeji will take us out. What part of Tokyo are you from? Nakano. Then you know Tommy's by the station? Never heard of it. - It's a popular hang-out. - I told you, didn't I? Smoke? What's that? Marijuana. That's not my thing. - You feeling okay? - I'm okay. Got cigarettes? Let's split into groups from now on. And send whoever wants to go back to Tokyo. It's total war now. How are you? - Why don't you relax at a booth? - It doesn't matter. - What would you like? - Beer. I'd better call some hostesses, okay? This is Tomiko. Send some girls over here. We're getting busy. You know my friend Kinjo of Nakano? He robbed a market and barricaded himself in. I don't know him. What about Nanbara?
He's a gang rider. You don't have any decent friends? Somebody famous in high school baseball or something. More beer. Hi, how are you? Come on in. This is my brother's house but he lives in Osaka now. So nobody should bother us. I'll call Tokyo from the market. Call about what? We hang low and check out the situation. - Beer and sake, nothing else? - No. You better shoot straight. At the can. You almost got me, dickhead! I saw it flying over here. Give me the gun. - Let's play. - Play what, sir? Paper, stone and scissors. You go first. What game? - You could've killed me. - Let's play. Paper, stone, and scissors. Come on. - You again? - Wait a second, please. - Let's play.
- It's the last chamber. Right. So paper, stone and scissors. So you lost. Don't do that! Please! I don't believe this. It was empty. He's a fake! Watch out, blabbermouth! And you were shitting in your pants. Don't just sit there. Dance with me. Some other time. You've been there all the time? You are a pervert, aren't you? Answer me. Asshole! You're dead. I mean it. I'll slit your throat. This is a bad joke. You sure the broad killed him? Two shots in the belly. Shall we dump him? - What about the car? - We'll use it. You should even go faster, idiot. It's my pal. - How is the boss?
- Still talking about the truce. I just don't understand him. Here's some clothes. Nothing fancy, though. Thanks. Call me when you need me. Just a second. Hand this to Marino at Bar Chez Nous, will you? What's this? A present. - I'm not your messenger boy. - Just do me a favor, will you? There are many more over here. I won! Here's my favorite. - What's his name? - Mai-no-umi. So you like those lousy shirts? - You don't like it? - You look terrible. Can I visit again? You can, but you won't bitch. Why do I have to drive you home? I'm an awful driver. - Does it matter? - Yes, it matters. This is my husband's car. Do I have to know? When was your first kill? In high school.
Who was it? My Dad. Why? He wouldn't let me fuck. Take the front seat. How can you miss this wide road? There was a snake crossing. You don't have a driver's license, do you? - She was driving. - It's not true. Give it a push. You sure you can make it back in one piece? I'm sure. You gotta pay for the gas. Come over here. Watch out for holes. They are coming. Come over here! On the double! - What's going on? - Move quickly, come over here. Let's have a drink. Boss, isn't it too childish? What else can I do? You are still wearing the shirt? Looks terrible. - No more traps. - You sure? Water! No more water.
Otherwise we can't take a bath. You can wait for the rain. Where's the boss? He went fishing with the broad. She's here again? I guess she's in love. You don't like the shirt anymore? None of your business, asshole! It's great not to be afraid of shooting people. Not afraid of killing people means not being afraid of killing yourself, right? You're tough. I love tough guys. I wouldn't carry a gun if I were tough. But you can shoot fast. I shoot fast because I get scared first. But you are not afraid of dying. When you're scared all the time, you almost wish you were dead. I don't get it. What is your plan now? No word from Tokyo, so we'd better go home in a couple of days. Fuck me, darling. You fuck off! You're bothering my girl. I'm gonna break your neck, fuck. Will you shut up, dickhead? It's raining! Thank God! Shampoo! Indecent exposure is fun. That's all?
What the fuck is this? Ready? Action! No good. You gotta come out slowly. Once more. Action! Listen. Do you call that dancing? You gotta enjoy yourself! I'll dance with you. I want to talk to Takahashi. He's always out. He'd better be there next time. Understand? What happened to the change? Did you put money in? I'm not a bum, moron. I was calling long distance. Is your phone a piggy bank? I can kill you for this. You're using a gun! It's not fair, boss! Don't do that, Mr. Murakawa! Murderer! - Where's Mr. Murakawa? - Maybe he's on a date. My boss wants to see him now. - About what? - Maybe about a truce.
Then I should go instead. Your boss aid, Takahashi, came to see me yesterday. He's been finalizing the truce with the Anan clan. It's good news. On one condition. Anan wants us to disband. What was your answer? My answer to them? I told them to fuck off. But you know Uyeji. I'm thinking of retiring. I want you to take over my turf. She is having a baby. I am getting old. You decide whether to disband or to kill. Did Takahashi say anything about us? The Murakawa clan will be banished. Well, then... You are so impressive. Are you nuts? How can I hit it? I'm not Buffalo Bill, fuck. You try, fuck. I say when. Got it? Throw over there, okay? Ready? Go! Shit! No more!
You're fucking impressive too. It's over for Takahashi. He's ready to go all the way. Will you? Yes? Is Mr. Takahashi here? I'm Takahashi. Sorry, wrong number. Yeah, he wouldn't register in his own name. Takahashi. I swear. I know nothing. Our boss always wanted Anan to become our partner. He had to get rid of Nakamatsu. The squabble was a perfect excuse for him to eliminate Nakamatsu. Then why expel me? Your turf is doing great business. He's greedy. Listen, Murakawa, the boss is coming today to see Anan. You can take over Nakamatsu's turf. I can arrange it. Your turn. No, thanks. The car's gone. We gotta walk all the way. Sorry. What are you doing? I got lost. Are you coming back? Maybe.
You'll be here? Maybe. - Can I shoot? - Go ahead. Take me with you. No way. You had enough, didn't you? Yeah. Fuck. In 10 minutes, the lights go out. Fill the car up on your way back. You can operate here, but remember to pay dues to us. Show some respect. I'm not a "yakuza". I'm not paying you anything. But you act like a yakuza. So, the police can arrest me. But I needn't put up with your bullshit. Then you're as good as dead! Don't be an idiot. You're the idiot. Waiting for your date? He's not coming. I'll finish work soon, we could go to a club. Boss, Kitajima called you a little while ago. He said he'd call you back. How did it go? Let's sort him out. I'll get it.
It's the old man. Hello yes... Today? Okay. How are you, sir? I thought you'd decided to go back home? The cafe needed a waiter so, I thought I'd stay a bit longer. Act like a waiter then. Okay, sir. If you muck me about, you'll pay for it. Sorry, sir. Murakawa Productions. Kashimoto for you, sir. Katagiri speaking. - Tanaka can drive can't he? - Yes. You know that mah-jong parlour? Yes. - Go there and wait for me. - Okay. You can't? Don't bullshit me! People like us don't lend money for nothing! Don't dare try it on with us! Ken I'd like to quit the Yakuza. We've led the tough life for too long. I'm worn out. Maybe you're too rich for this trade now... They're here.
I hear they're doing well. His patch is booming, thanks to the new underground line. Our business is lousy. This trip may change our fortunes. So handle it carefully. The Nakamatsu clan of Okinawa, is at war with the Anan clan. They're begging us for help. So we must send some soldiers down there. Would you fly down there with some men? Three of my men were killed on our last sortie. I didn't like that. That's how you earned your patch. Isn't business booming? Show the boss some appreciation. Only if you go with me, Takahashi. You know that I must take care of the boss and the syndicate. I can't go, even if I wanted to. Who'll look after my patch? Katagiri will be your lieutenant. Don't worry. It's an operation to restore peace, there shouldn't be any bloodshed. You may smoke. Nakamatsu may be my sworn brother, but he's never done anything for me. He's only a distant family relative. But you boys are my immediate family. We've sworn allegiance, and put our lives in your hands, boss. You're putting my life in his hands. A call for you, Mr. Murakawa. - I'm going. - Goodbye.
You may join us now. Well...? What...? What's going on? Over there... Aren't we naughty ? Mr. Murakawa, please, listen... Shut up, punk! Let's be reasonable... ...how much do you want? Too late. How long can he stay under? Two or three minutes, I imagine. So let's try two minutes. Go ahead! Mr. Murawaka please don't kill me ! Please, don't! Check him. Hey, pull him up. Still breathing? Please, stop. Try three minutes. Go ahead. No, please... Mr. Murakawa, please! There's something fishy about the Okinawa trip. The old man says both sides are waiting for us to restore peace. It's a sticky situation.... We lost three men on the Hokkaido job. Isn't it over three minutes?
Oh, yes. Oh, we've killed him but never mind. Deal with it! My name is Sakai, sir. Okumura. Hirose. Itoh. My men will join you guys. You'd like to see me dead? Sure. I'd feel safer having a piss. Introduce yourselves. Maeda, sir. Ohno. Tsuda. Why are you here? Mr. Takahashi says you can take me to Okinawa. They look green! This isn't a school outing! What? Bastard! What you doing? I told you to give that up. Welcolme to Okinawa. We'll take you to your office. Rest before the boss takes you out to dinner. Hi, I'm Ryoji. If anyone wants a drink or an ice-cream, then Let's go, Shiraishi. Something to drink?
My belly still hurts from when you stabbed me. I don't believe my eyes. It's quite some time since we used this office. You won't be here long so, I hope you don't mind the disorder. The toilet's over there... Ryoji, bring the tools. In case you might become lonely, take your pick. We took these off some Americans. What's that mean? Just a friendly welcolme! Or perhaps the end of the war. Well, what now? The boss talked to the Anan clan a little while ago. A few of them got worked up about you guys coming... Taking a tea-break? I guess we must say hello to them? I'll try it now... Nothing happened, idiot! It was an American grenade, you can't rely on them. Now what? It all started when my one of my idiots shot at an Anan man... Nothing serious nobody was killed or anything and I didn't need any help. But, your old man insisted on sending some soldiers. And, I do appreciate you coming all this way. We were told that you begged for some help. News to me... As I said, it was your man who insisted. Nothing serious here just the sort of little problem we encounter everyday. What are you doing tonight, sir? Mr. Uyeji is taking us out.
Which part of Tokyo you from? Nakano. Then you know 'Tommy's, by the station? Never heard of it. - It's a popular place. - Do you listen? Smoke? What's that? Marijuana. No. I'm not into that. - You all right? - Fine. ...Got any cigarettes? We'll reassemble and split into smaller units. Whoever wants to go home can go back to Tokyo. This is war. Hello. - You can relax in a booth. - No. - What would you like? - Beer. I'll call some hostesses, shall I? It's Tomiko. Send some girls, we're getting busy. You know my friend Kinjo, of Nakano? He robbed a supermarket and barricaded himself inside. I don't know him. What about Nanbara, a gang leader? Haven't you any decent friends?
Someone famous, in baseball or something? Another beer. - Hi, good evening. - Good evening. All clear. It's my brothers house. He's in Osaka now. No one will bother us. I'll call Tokyo. About what? Just lie low and keep a check on things out here. - Nothing but beer and sake? - No. You better aim straight. At the can. You almost hit me, idiot! I saw it fly past. Give it to me. Let's play. - What, sir? - Stone, paper, scissors. You playing? You're first. What game? - You could've killed me! - Let's continue. Stone, paper, scissors... - You again! - Just hang on... - Again.
- It's the last chamber.... Stone, paper, scissors... You lost that time. No! Don't! I don't believe it It was empty. Your boss is a weirdo. Watch your mouth! And you were shit scared. Don't just sit there, dance with me. No, some other time. You've watched it all? Are you a pervert? You enjoyed it? Answer me! You're a dead man. I'll slit your throat! ...What are you doing? You sure the girl killed him? Two shots in the stomach. Shall we dump him? What about the car? We'll use it. Drive slowly...asshole. It's my friend. How's the boss? Still talking about the truce. I just can't work him out. Well, some clothes for you. Nothing fancy.
Thanks. Call whenever you need me. Just a minute! Give these to Marimo at 'Bar Chez-Nous', will you ? What is it? A present. - I'm not your errand boy. - Please, do me a favour. There's plenty more over here... I won. Let's fight with this. - What's that? - Mai-no-umi. So, you like flashy shirts then? - Doesn't it suit me? - You look ridiculous! Can I visit you again sometime? Wouldn't bother. Why must I drive you home? I'm an awful driver. - Does it matter? - Yes. This is my husbands car. Do I have to know! ? When was the first time you killed anyone? When I was at high school. Who did you kill? My Dad. Why?
He wouldn't let me screw girls! Get in the front. How could you run off such a wide road? A snake was crossing. You've no driving license, have you? - She was driving. - I wasn't. Push. Sure you'll make it back in one piece? Go. You must pay for the petrol. Watch out for holes. They're coming... Over here, quick! - Can we get across? - Yes! Hurry up! Let's have a drink. Boss, isn't all this rather childish? What else can I do? Still wearing that shirt? It's terrible! - There's no more traps. - You sure? Water! No more now, or else we can't have a bath. You can wait 'till it rains. Where's boss? Gone fishing, with that girl. She's here again?
Guess she's in love... Don't you like the shirt anymore? None of your business, idiot! It's great to be not afraid of shooting people. That must mean you're not afraid of killing yourself, right? You're tough. I love tough men. If I were tough, would I carry a gun? But you shoot with ease... Because I scare with ease. But, you're not afraid of dying... If you're afraid of death for too long, it become's a death wish. I don't get it... What's your plan from now? There's no word from Tokyo. We better go home in a couple of days. "Screw me, darling". Screw yourself! "You're pestering my girl". "Want a fight"? Will you just piss off! ? "Smack"! ...It's raining! Quick! Grab the shampoo It's great not to be afraid of showing your tits! Is that it? What the hell! Ready? Action!
Enter slowly... Start again. Ready... Action! Call that dancing? You must enjoy yourself. I'll dance with you. Is Takahashi there? He's always "out". He better be in next time. What about the change? Did you put money in? What do you take me for ! Of course I put money in. Is it a telephone or piggy-bank? I can kill you for this! Not fair, you're using a gun! This isn't playing! Not fair! Mr. Murakawa, stop! - Where's Murakawa ? - Maybe out on a date. - My boss wants to see him. - What about? Proposing a truce. I'd better come along. Your boss's aide, Takahashi, came to see me yesterday. He's been concluding the truce with the Anan clan. That's good news. They accept on one condition.
Anan wants us to disband. What's your response? I can't do that. I'll fight to the end. Uyeji I will retire. She's expecting a baby, and I'm getting old. You take over my patch and the affairs. Choose whether to fight or disband. Do as you must. Did Takahashi say anything about us? For the time being the Murakawa clan will be expelled. Goodbye, sir... Ha! Missed! Impossible! How can I hit it? It's not some Western. Here, try it. When I say, okay? Throw it that way... Okay? Throw! - Shit, it's empty! - See, you can't hit it either! We'll put the heat on Takahashi. The boss wants to go all the way. Here. Yes? Mr. Takahashi here? I'am Takahashi.
Must be a mistake. He wouldn't register under his own name. Takahashi! I swear I know nothing. The boss always wanted Anan to become his partner. But before that, he had to get rid of Nakamatsu. The squabble was the ideal excuse to eliminate Nakamatsu. So, why expel me ? Your patch is booming, he's greedy and wanted a part. Listen, Murakawa. The boss is coming to see Anan. You can take over Nakamatsu's patch I can arrange it. Your turn. Not that. Now we must walk back. Sorry. Who are you? I'm lost. Are you coming back? Maybe. Will you wait for me? Maybe. Can I shoot it? Okay. Shall I go with you? Stupid question. You've had enough, haven't you? ...Shit. The lights will go out in ten minutes. Fill her up on the way back.
It's OK for you to operate here, but don't forget to pay us our share. It doesn't look good otherwise. Those are your rules. I'm not a Yakuza, so I don't have to pay you anything. But you're acting like a Yakuza. So let the police arrest me, but don't make me listen to your bullshit. You're dead, arsehole. You're the stupid one. You are the stupid thing. Waiting for your date? You've been waiting there half an hour. He's jilted you. I'm off soon, so why not come with me? We can go to a disco or something. The Don, Kitajima, called a few minutes ago. He said he'd call again. How did it go? Let's get him. I'll take it. It's the old man. Hello... yes... Today? I understand. Good to see you again, sir. I thought you decided to quit and go back home. The café owner needed a waiter so I figured I'd postpone the trip. Then start acting and dressing like a waiter. Yes, sir. If you screw me, I'll make you pay for it, punk.
Sorry, sir. Off you go. Murakawa Media. It's for you, sir. It's Kishimoto. Good morning. Katagiri speaking. Wait until October? - Tanaka can drive, can't he? - Yes, he can. You know the mah jong parlour, right? Yes. We told you we need it by August. - Go there and wait. I'll let you know. - Understood. "You can't"? Who do you think you're fucking talking to? I'll cut your balls off! . You licked our fucking arses when you borrowed the cash. Don't fuck with us now! . Ken, I'm thinking about retiring. We've been living the hard life too long. Yes. I'm tired of it. Maybe you're too rich for this business. Here they are. I hear their section's doing really well these days.
The new underground means business on his patch is booming. Our area is lousy in comparison. Well, this new job might change our luck. So handle it carefully, OK? Nakamatsu's group in Okinawa has started a war against the Anan clan. They are begging for our help. So we've got to send some troops in. Murakawa, would you mind flying down there with some of the boys? Last time we were sent out to Hokkaido, three of my men got killed. I don't really feel like it. That's how you earned your current patch. Business is booming, isn't it? - Show the Don some appreciation. - Only if you go with me. Takahashi. You know my job. I've got to take care of the Boss:. The syndicate operation. As much as I'd like to go with you... - Who's taking care of my patch? - You have a good lieutenant, Katagiri. Think about it, will you? There shouldn't be any bloodshed. You may smoke. Nakamatsu might be my sworn brother, but he's never done anything for me. He's merely a distant relative of our family. Unlike you lot. You're my immediate family. We've sworn allegiance and put our lives into your hands. Boss.
You're putting my life into his hands, Takashi. There's a call for you, Mr Murakawa. I'm going. Good night. Ladies, you may join us now. What d'you want? What's going on? Over there. You're evil, you know that? Mr Murakawa, can we talk? Fuck off. Please. Be reasonable. How much do you want? Sorry, too late. Mr Murakawa... How long can he last underwater? A couple of minutes, I guess. Let's try two minutes. Push him under. Mr Murakawa, please, stop this. Mr Murakawa, please stop this... Mr Murakawa... Check him. Up. Mr Murakawa! Still breathing, huh? Pease, stop this. Try three minutes. Plunge him.
Stop it, please! Stop it, please! Mr Murakawa! There's something fishy about the Okinawa job, Boss. The old man says we need to put in an appearance and then they'll negotiate. Nothing's ever that simple. We lost three men in the Hokkaido job. It's over three minutes, isn't it? So it is. Hoist him up. Looks like he's dead. Oh well. Cover it up, OK. Yes, sir. I'm Sakai. Honoured to meet you, sir. Okumura, sir. Hirose, sir. Ito, sir. I'll have some of my men join you later. You'd be happy if I dropped dead, right? Sure. I'd feel safe pissing again. Line up. State your names. Maeda, sir. Ohno, sir. Tsuda, sir. What are you doing here? Mr Takahashi said he'd take me to Okinawa.
Fuck, are we meant to work with this bunch of kids? - This is no kiddie's picnic! - Shut your fucking mouth! What's going on? I told you I quit using that stuff. Welcome to Okinawa, gentlemen. We'll take you to our office, now. Have some rest and the Boss will take you out to dinner, later. Hi, my name's Ryoji. I have some drinks and ice cream here, so if you want some, let me know. Let's go Shiraishi. Fancy something to drink? No. My stomach still hurts from where you stabbed me. What luxury, they're spoiling us. We haven't used this office for quite a while. It's a bit messy but you won't be staying here for long, so I guess it's OK. The toilet is over there. Ryoji, bring the guns. OK. I doubt you'll need these, but in case you feel lonely, take your pick. We conned these out of some Yanks, so I don't know if they're any good. What the fuck's that about? Just the Anan lot saying "hello". Often happens. But I'm sure there'll be a truce soon. What happens now? Our boss phoned the Anan clan a little while ago. Apparently your arrival's got them a bit excited. How many of you does it take to put a kettle on?
I suppose we ought to return their greeting. Here I go. Well that was impressive. The fucking Yank sold me a dud again. Now what? It all started out with an idiot from our group shooting an Anan man. It's nothing serious, though. The other man didn't even die. So we didn't need any help. But your old man insisted on sending you across. I think he's over-reacting. But thanks for coming anyway. We were told that you were desperate. That's news to me. Like I said, your old man insisted. It's really nothing serious. Just one of those little problems we encounter everyday. Not an interclan thing or anything. What are your plans for tonight? Mr Uechi said he'd take us out. What part of Tokyo are you from? Nakano. Then you know Tommy's, by the station? Never heard of it. It's quite a well-known joint. Didn't you hear me? Smoke? What's that? Marijuana. I don't do drugs, I only do amphetamines.
- Are you feeling OK? - I'm fine. Got a cigarette? Boss, we'd better split up into smaller groups from now on. And let anyone who wants to go, go back to Tokyo. They're not playing games here. Good evening. Wouldn't you be more comfortable in a booth? We're fine here. - What would you like? - Beer. I'll call some hostesses, OK? This is Tomiko. Send some girls over. Send Marie and June, we're getting busy. Maybe you know my friend, Kinjo? He's from Nakano. Huh? He robbed a supermarket and barricaded himself inside. Never heard of him. What about Nanbara, the gang rider? Haven't you got any respectable friends? A baseball star from high school or someone like that? More beer! Good evening. What shall we have, beer? Yes, beer. No, scotch and water. Let's order. Come on in.
This is my brother's house, but he moved to Osaka last month. Nobody should bother us here. I'll call Tokyo from the shop. Call about what? Just to tell them we're going to hang out here and see how things develop. Beer and sake, nothing else? No. You'd better shoot straight. Aim at the can. You almost got me, dickhead! I felt it brush my cheek. Give me the gun. Let's play. - Play what, sir? - Paper, scissors, stone. You too. You lost. What are you playing at? You could've killed me. Next round. Come on. Paper, scissors, stone. You again? Wait a second, please. Next round. It's the last chamber. Right. So, here we go... Paper, scissors, stone. This time, you lost.
Me? Don't do it, please! What's the idea? It was empty all along. What's his problem? Watch your mouth, arsehole. I could see you were shitting yourself. Something funny? Dance with me. Some other time. Hey! You've been watching us all the time? You pervert! Like watching others fuck? Answer me, arsehole. You're dead. I mean it. I'll slit your throat, wanker. I didn't mean it... You really think that girl killed him? Two shots in the stomach. - Shall we dump him in the sea? - OK. What about the car? We'll use it. Watch your speed, arsehole. Your friend is here. How is the Boss? Still talking about a truce all the time. I just don't understand him.
Here're some fresh clothes. Nothing fancy, though. Thanks. Call me when you need me. Just a second. Would you mind handing this to Marimo at the bar 'Chez moi'? What is it? Just a present. I'm not your messenger boy. Just do it as a favour, will you? There's some more clothes over here. I won! OK then, here comes my favourite. Who's this then? The famous wrestler Mai-no-umi. Katagiri, isn't that shirt a bit loud? - Doesn't it suit me? - You look absolutely terrible. Do you mind if I visit you here again? Don't bother. Why do I have to drive you home? I'm an awful driver. I don't mind. I do! This is my husband's car after all. What do you mean by that? When was your first kill? When I was at high school. Who was it? My dad.
Why? He wouldn't let me fuck. You sit in front. How can you crash on such a wide road? A snake shot out. You don't have a driving licence, do you? Shut up. She was driving. That's not true. Give it a push. Are you sure you can make it back in one piece? I'm sure. Remember to fill it up - with your own money. Watch out, there's a hole there. Come this side. They're on their way. Over here! On the double! What's going on? I'll explain later. Quickly! Let's go and have a drink. Boss, isn't it a bit childish? What else is there to do? You still wearing that shirt? It really looks terrible on you. Let's go. - Don't worry. No more traps! - You're sure?
Where's that water? This is the last of it... How are we meant to take a bath? Just wait until it rains. Where's the Boss? He went fishing. With that bird. She's here again? I guess she's in love. Don't you like that shirt anymore? None of your damn business, arsehole! Sorry. It's great not to be afraid of shooting people. Not being afraid of killing people means you're not afraid of dying yourself, right? You're tough. I love tough guys. I wouldn't carry a gun if I were tough. You can shoot without a second thought. I shoot fast because I get scared fast. But you're not afraid of dying, are you? When you're scared all the time, you reach a point when you wish you were dead. I don't get it. What are your plans now? No word from Tokyo... so we'll probably head off home in a couple of days. Fuck me, darling. You fuck off! Hey motherfucker, you screwed my girl. I'll break your fucking neck. Will you shut up, dickhead? Kiss.
It's raining! Thank God! Get the shampoo! It's great not to be afraid of showing your tits! That's all? What the fuck do we do now? Ready? Action! No good. You've got to come out slowly. Once more. Action! What are you playing at? Call that dancing? You've got to enjoy yourself! I'll dance with you. Once more! I want to talk to Takahashi. He's always "out". He'd better be there next time. Understood? What happened to the change? Did you put money in? You think I'm a fucking beggar or something? Of course I put the fucking money in! Is your phone a piggy bank? ! Next time it happens, you're dead! Ouch! Ow, that's hot!
Who's using a gun? That's over the top. Stop shooting at us! - Where's Mr Murakawa? - He's gone off again. - My boss wants to see him now. - About what? - Maybe about the truce. - I'll go then. Your boss's aide, Takahashi, came to see me yesterday. He's been finalising the truce with the Anan clan. That's good news. There's one condition... Anan wants us to disband. What was your answer? I told him that was out of question, and sent him home. But, Uechi... I'm thinking about retiring. I'm old and there's a baby on the way. So I want you to take over my patch. You decide whether to disband or to fight them. Did Takahashi say anything about us? The Murakawa section will apparently be eliminated. I see. Bye. Missed every one! What d'you expect? There's no way you can hit it! I'm not Buffalo Bill, arsehole. You try, you fucker!
- I'll tell you when to throw, OK? - OK. Aim over here, OK? Ready? Now! Shit! No more bullets! You're fucking impressive too! We'll squeeze Takahashi until he squeals. The Boss has got no options left anyway. You go in front, Mr Uechi. Yes? Is Mr Takahashi there? My name's Takashi... Sorry, wrong room. Should have known he wouldn't register in his own name. Takahashi. I swear I know nothing. Our boss always wanted to work with the Anan group. He had to get rid of his relative Nakamatsu first. The argument was the perfect excuse... for him to eliminate Nakamatsu. So why expel me? Your patch is doing great business. He's greedy. Listen Murakawa... The Boss is coming to Okinawa to see Anan. You could take over Nakamatsu's patch. I can arrange it. You want a go? Not my style, thanks.
How are we meant to get back now you've destroyed our car? Sorry. Who are you? Sorry I got lost. Are you coming back? Maybe... You'll be here? Maybe... Can I have a go with it? Go ahead. I'm going with you. Forget it... You're going straight soon. I guess so. Fuck you. In ten minutes, the lights go out. Remember to fill her up on your way back. Executive Producer:. Kazuyoshi Okuyama Producers:. Masayuki Mori Hisao Nabeshima Takio Yoshida Written and edited by Takeshi Kitano Music:. Joe Hisaishi Cinematography:. Katsumi Yanagishima Lighting: Hitoshi Takaya Art Director: Osamu Sasaki
Recording: Senji Horiuchi Assistant Director: Torishiro Tenma Cast: "Beat" Takeshi Aya Kokumai Tetsu Watanabe Masanobu Katsumura Susumu Terashima Ren Osugi Planning assistance: Office Kitano lnc. Production assistance: Right Vision Co. Ltd. Right Vision Entertainment Co. Ltd Directed by Takeshi Kitano Get up. Hurry, everybody, get up! Yo, what's the matter, Uncle Phil? Calm down, Will, calm down. It's Vivian, she's having the baby. That ain't what's scaring me. You ain't got no drawers on! Okay. Mother, are you all right? Of course you're not all right.
You're having a baby. I think I'm going to be sick. Hilary, sweetie, come here. Having a baby is very spiritual. This is my last baby and I am never going to experience this miracle again. Here comes another contraction. Why, that wasn't so bad. Hilary, honey, don't be so dramatic. My hand. All right, it's cool. Everything's cool, Aunt Viv. Everything's cool. All right, check it out. Carlton, you boil some water. Ashley, you go get some blankets. Hilary, you circle the wagons. - Will, honey, what are you talking about? - I wish to God I knew, Aunt Viv. Mom, I think what Will is referring to is... Oh, my God, the pains are getting closer. Carlton, honey, get up off the floor. My hand! What is wrong with everybody? Philip, pull up your damn pants and let's go! - Aunt Viv, I wanna go, too. - Thank you, sweetheart. Y ou know, I could really use somebody to hold my hand. - Wonder if Mom had the baby yet. - I know. Birth is a miraculous thing, isn't it?
To think I was once inside of a woman's body. I find that hard to believe. I think we all do, Carlton. Hi, Mom. Mom! Mom, you're still pregnant. You think? - I can't do this anymore. - Look, me neither. I mean, getting woke up in the middle of the night... by a naked man running around the house. I'm sorry, I thought you were all asleep. Not you, G. Oh, never mind. Look, now, everybody calm down. False alarms happen all the time. But Uncle Phil was naked, Aunt Viv. Shut up, Will. Vivian, I wanna have this baby already. You think I don't? I feel like I ate a Buick. Look like a Winnebago from here. Baby, is there anything more I can do for you? Will you look at her, Uncle Phil? Haven't you done enough? Leave her alone. I'm fine, Philip. Thank you. Good, I gotta lay down. Can I get you some tea, madam? That would be lovely, Geoffrey.
Bring it to the laundry room. I'll be sitting on the dryer. Poor Mom. Poor Mom? Poor me. I saw Uncle Phil naked. And he was running. What can I get for you, madam? Geoffrey, I've got a proposition for you. Perhaps if we were both younger, and I didn't work for you. Not that kind of proposition, Geoffrey. I will give you $50 to drive me over a set of railroad tracks. Well, Doctor, the pains are coming closer together. Well, they start in the abdomen... and they kind of radiate up and down in all directions. Philip, what are you talking about? I'm not having any pains. Well, I am. Well, yes, Thursday afternoon will be fine. Yes, thank you. Yes, your Majesty? Geoffrey, from an objective point of view, who is having this baby? Him or me? It's rather difficult to tell just by looking. She's in here. Look, whatever you do, don't mention her chins. Or her ankles. Or her feet. And whatever you do, never ever feed her after midnight. Poor Diva. Look at you.
- I'm sick of this. - Look at you. No more, y'all, come on. No more. - Will, why are you crying? - I don't know, man. Wait a minute, where's Helen? She couldn't come. She had to go to court with Lester. Well, I thought the divorce was final months ago. That's right and everything was going so well... until she saw Lester with another woman... and that's when she snatched off the wig. - She snatched off the woman's wig? - No, Lester's. What a novel idea, that little bell. Geoffrey, would you get us all something to eat, please? Golly, yes. It's great to be working in the big house. You've all met our butler, Chicken George? Don't you worry, Vivian, I am going to take good care of you. Me, too. I'm so happy you guys are here. I was beginning to feel like nobody understood me. We're family. We love you. Stop with the damn bell! That's it, I'm never going back up there again. I'm sorry I ever went up there in the first place. I took her some honey for her tea. She tells me she does not want honey from California. She wants honey from New Mexico.
Please. Diva needs to get her butt out of Bel-Air a little more often. If it get any bigger, it'll be in and out of Bel-Air at the same time. Oh, my goodness. All right, come on, y'all. This ain't easy on Aunt Viv. I mean, the baby is a week late. All right, that bell is mine. Who's with me? All right, Hilary, you act like you're gonna hug her and then pin her arms down. - I know the chokehold. - Better. Hold it, now. Now, that's enough. Now, you know this is harder on her than it is on us. We're her family, we have to be here for her. You guys, why isn't anybody answering my bell? Could somebody please come upstairs and keep me company? You hate me, don't you? Okay, I know this has been hard to take... and this baby does not look like he's coming any time too soon... so why don't we just take a breather from one another? You know, just for a little while. Hello? Geoffrey, have you seen my bell? What bell? I don't blame you, Geoffrey, I've been pretty unbearable. Do you think my family is ever gonna come back? I doubt it. Why don't you sit down and let me make you some tea? Geoffrey, you know, you always know what to do. Now, you relax.
If anything happens, Mr. Banks has Master William's beeper. And I'm sure your sisters will be back from the salon any minute. Hilary, this is great. I really needed this. I know, and some electrolysis wouldn't hurt you, either. This could get ugly. We're family. Aren't you guys finished yet? Carlton, Aunt Vy is getting a makeover. It could take hours. Am I wearing a "kick me" sign? I don't see why women spend so much time in these places. Wow. Forget college, I'm going to beauty school. Look, if I'm not back in 20 minutes, be really happy for me. - Way to go, speedy. - Shut up. You know, Will, I could have driven myself here for my examination. I don't think so, Uncle Phil. I think you're taking this sympathy pains thing just a wee bit too far. Don't be ridiculous, Will. Oh, my God. I think my water broke. Oh, my God, it's Vivian. She's having the baby. - We gotta get to the hospital! - Uncle Phil... we in the hospital. Good, 'cause I'm having a heart attack. Uncle Phil, I think you better let me take care of this. False alarm, Uncle Phil.
It's for me, it's Carla. 402436, that's no phone number. No, Uncle Phil, that's 40, 24, 36. Shut up. Excuse me, sir, would you mind putting out that cigarette? It's a free country. That's right, it certainly is... but it's against the law to smoke cigarettes in elevators. That's right, boy, this is a New Jack City. You the man. You the man. You the big man that broke the elevator. Geoffrey, I think we better beep Mr. Banks. Oh, dear. Okay. Keep calm. I think we'd better beep Mr. Banks. - Geoffrey, I just said that. - Good, that's good. Now, we're on the same train of thought. How do you work this bloody thing? Thank God you're here. Oh, God! Uncle Phil, is that you? No, but you have really soft hands. Mommy! Ma! Relax, Will. I'm sure they'll have us out of here in no time. Uncle Phil, that's Aunt Viv. Oh, my God, somebody get us out of here!
I'm having a baby! Something must be wrong. I've beeped him twice and he still hasn't answered. My hand! I'd better try the beauty salon. So, while she's been stepping out on him... he's been having an affair with her sister. But she works here so keep it quiet. - Okay. - What? Black Beauty, how can I help you? Y eah, right, it's always an emergency. I'll ask. Vy Smith, phone call. Sorry, nobody's answering. Don't you just love these quiet girl talks? What? I know. Great. Geoffrey, it looks like you're gonna have to drive me to the hospital. Will I steer with my left foot? I hate men. Hi, Mommy. Oh, my God, here comes another one. Ashley, give me your hand! - No way. - Ashley! - Geoffrey! - Y ou keep away from me. This baby's coming. I gotta get to the hospital.
Don't worry, Mom, I'll get you there. Ashley, you can't drive. Grow up. I've been taking the car since I was 12. Come on. How much longer before somebody gets us out of here? My wife's having a baby. - She ain't in there with you, is she? - No. - Good, 'cause I'm going on a break. - What? Just kidding, a little elevator humor there. Oh, man. All right, I'll get you out of there as soon as I can. Hi, honey, I'm gonna be late for lunch. Great, you have a phone. That's right, and you don't. Will, we gotta get that phone. Look, Uncle Phil, just ask him nice. No, after what I did to him, he's never going to let me use it. Well, you know, I'm coming straight out the hood, right? All right, where I come from... when we want something, we step up on it and take it. Observe. Please, can I use your phone? Look, man, if you don't let me use your phone... I'm gonna start singing Paula Abdul's greatest hits. I guess you want to use this phone real bad, huh? Yes, sir, I do. About as bad as I wanted that cigarette? Stop, ghetto time.
No, Will. Calm down. No. Calm down, now. Now, I trained as a lawyer for many years. I was trained in the art of negotiation, okay? Observe. Sir, give me that damn phone... or I'm gonna rip your liver out and eat it raw. That's right, boy, and he about due for a snack. Yes, sir. Yes, Mr. Banks. Mrs. Banks should be arriving at the hospital any minute. - What? Who drove her? - Who drove? - Yeah. - You are trapped in an elevator, right? Yes, yes I'm trapped in an elevator. Now who drove her? Miss Ashley drove. What? How could you let that happen? Are you insane? No, sir, I don't know how I could have let that happen. Call Mrs. Banks' sisters and tell them to meet her at the hospital. Y es, sir, I'll call the salon right away. I am furious at you, Geoffrey! This is completely irresponsible of you. Yes, sir, I'm a very, very bad butler. In fact, I'm going to punish myself.
No phone privileges for a week. Don't worry, Geoffrey, we're on our way. Vivian's having the baby. We've got to get out of here. - Finally. I'll go get Carlton. - Come on, Hilary. I can't go into a hospital looking like this. The place is full of doctors. Hilary, please don't tell me you're that superficial. Well, it may be superficial to you, but I'm young, I can still get a husband. Not without any teeth, you won't. That girl wanted me, Aunt Janice. Carlton, when a woman says, "Drop dead, troll..." it usually means she's not interested. Now, come on. I'll call you. I'm sorry, young lady... but you are going to have to fill out these insurance forms like everyone else. I'm a kid. I don't know jack about insurance. I'm sorry, but those are the rules. Oh, my God, here comes a big one. Nurse, could you hold my hand, please? Get this woman to a birthing room. Dr. Fagin, telephone, please. What happened to Hilary? Hilary Violet Banks, get your butt in here. My hand. I'm pretty sure Mom has been here. Look, this is an emergency.
Do you have any mascara? Where is the woman that did this to you? Down the hall. - Let's go. - Come on. She's down here. Vivian, we got here as soon as we could. You doing okay, baby? She's fine. I took care of things. All right, look, I appreciate that you're a close family... but you all can't be in here. - I'll go. - Me, too. This is what I usually look like. Philip! Vivian. Wilma! Dad, over here. Where? Where is she? - That way. - Vivian! Say hello to your new son. We should get a picture of this. Doc, would you do the honors? Sure. Look, he look like a little black yoda. - He's adorable. - Hello, little Nicholas Andrew Banks. Honey, I thought we agreed to call him Philip.
That's a stupid name. Why don't we name him after Daddy? Eli. - Great. - No, over my dead body. - Let's name him Rufus. - How about Brock? Shazam! Smile. Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston. Wilma! - I swear, if'n you don't learn to share this honey... I'm gonna give you a real whuppin: Now go on! - Is the doctor in? - No doubt about it. - What's ailin' ya, Fat Elmer? - I et too much cheese. Now I can't burp. Can ya fix me, Granny? Dang. Before I sign anything... I want to know how much money we're talkin' about. Mr. Clampett, there's more petroleum in your swamp... than there is in all of Kuwait. - That bad, huh? - Mr. Clampett... you are sitting on the biggest domestic oil strike in history. And when you sign these contracts, we're going to pay you one billion dollars. Do you have anybody who can advise you on these contracts? Cousin jethro's a-comin'tomorrow night for Sunday supper, Pa.
He's the one with the learning'. He went to school at Oxford. - Jethro. - Yes, Ma? Did you fix those bare-as-bones brakes like I told you? Of course. I pulled 'em off yesterday. The new ones are comin' in the mail next week. - Jethro! - Howdy, Granny. Oh! You dadblamed simpleminded yahoo! Your crack-bucket head's emptier than last year's bird's nest. If your head was filled with dynamite... - Ow! Ow! - You wouldn't know how to blow your nose! - You... - Ow! - Granny! Ow! Granny! - Just get out of my sight! Now, jedediah... you're fixin' to be the richest man in this here county. Look at how you live. Why, your land's overrun with snakes and skunks. You got no TV, no telephone and no radio. You're right, Pearl. We are a-livin'in paradise. No, Jed!
Paradise is someplace like... Beverly Hills, Californy. - They got swimming'pools. - Mm-hmm. - And movie stars. - And smog. What's a smog? I reckon it's a small hog. Now, if you're not gonna think about yourself, think about your daughter. You need to get remarried, jed, and she needs a ma... someone to teach her womanly ways. - She's runnin'wild, jed. She's no different than a boy. Imagine that. Elly May wearing'fancy dresses... and actin' ladylike! Well, that don't sound like much fun. Beverly Hills. Listen to what I'm sayin: jed. It would be the best thing for y'all. Just pack up all your belonging's and move on out there. Jethro could drive you out in his truck. I ain't driving' in no movin' vehicle with no dunderhead. I ain't no dunderhead. - Come on! Put me down! - Set him down. - See what I mean? - Who are you, mister? Ozark Mountain Oil. Mr. Briggs sent me to see if you'd signed the contract. - Oh, my.
- Elly May Clampett. Well, that's it. I've made my decision. For the good of this here family... I'm a-movin' us to Beverly Hills. Now, don't you worry, Elly May. - We gonna take good care of your critters for ya. - Okay, Sam. I know you will. Oh, Ma! What's all this I hear about you not wantin' to go to Californy? I like it here. Say what you will... but there ain't nothin' you can do to get me off of this rockin' chair. - I ain't goin' nowheres! Cut me loose! - It's a long ride to Californy. Jedediah Clampett, I'm gonna skin you alive! Hush up, Granny. Get goin', boy, before she breaks loose. I ain't a-goin:! Watch your head, Granny. There's so many people in this here town. Goin' to take a long time to meet everybody. Hey! Nice wheels, buddy! - Jethro, why do you think that feller's pointing' at us? I reckon that's the way they wave "howdy" in Californy. - Has, uh... - Uh.! Excuse us.!
Has escrow closed on the Clampett estate? Yes, chief. With an offer of 22 million in cash, it closed swiftly. And I must say, it is inspirational... how you happened to find a place for the Clampetts right next-door to your own. Hathaway, the people who lived there... were my best friends and neighbors for over 20 years. It's a shame they had to file for bankruptcy. Yeah. I just hope my call to the I.R.S. didn't have anything to do with it. Well. - Now, um, what time does their fight arrive? - That's just it, chief. - They're driving. - Driving? From Arkansas? I know it makes no sense whatsoever. Not to you, perhaps. But to a man with vision, like myself... - That is a sign of daring, self-confidence, vigor. - Of course, chief. Hmm. Doesn't he look busy at work. Tyler. - Would you step in here for a moment, please. - Oh! - Geez. - It's an earthquake.! Oh. - You wanted to consult with me? - Sit down, Tyler. Relax.
I have heard that you are quite excited about the arrival of the Clampetts. I think that you and I, together... can fully exploit the potential of the Clampett financial portfolio. Hmm. You and I. The two of us. I've already taken the liberty of drawing up the power of attorney papers. - Have you now? - So I can write checks, arrange investments... make international transactions. - Really work the Clampett account. - Hmm. We'll be quite the team, sir. Mmm. Tyler, you will personally rescind, shred and burn... every paper you have drawn up with regard to the Clampett account. - I'll be handling that account personally. - Duly noted. And nice kick, sir. Took me completely by surprise. Tyler. - The Clampetts will not be badgered. - Sir? They are not your common garden-variety millionaires. They are, in fact, billionaires. By definition, people of, uh, discrimination... discernment, great refinement. Boy, howdy.! Hey! Jethro, we's supposed to go thataway. Hey! You cut us off, you bunch of nothin's! That's real nice, son. This here's what I carry. Okay.
Go! Go, go! Margaret! Morgan, come in here a minute, please. Hi. I'm Doug Llewelyn, and welcome to the People's Court. Where is your mother? She's changing. That would be too much to hope for. - Oh. - Milburn, I'm sorry. I have to cancel our lunch. - What? - I have to spend more quality time with Babette. Margaret, dear, we are trying to do more things together... put the spark back, remember? You claim the defendant has your dog? - Um, well, actually... - Yes or no? - Yes, we do. - Morgan. Morgan. - It's my dog. - It's your dog? - Yes. I raised this dog from a pup, and due to... Morgan, I have a little job for you. - Ajob? - Yes. J.D. Clampett has a daughter your age. Now, she's goin' to high school with you.
I want you to show her around. - Just be her friend. - Oh, man. You wanna pay me to hang out with her? She must be a major bowwow. Son. Morgan. Close your eyes. Close your eyes. Now picture this. I cut off your allowance... Cancel your credit cards... And delete you from my will. Now, how do you see your future? Grilling frozen cow parts at Burger King? And people say you're stupid. Monday morning, first period, 8:00 a. M... she'll be like the little sister Mom thought would ruin her figure. - The dog will go to the plaintiff, Rusty. Honey, I'm home. Why don't you come here and give your little embezzling cowboy a ride around the bungalow. - No. - Why not? 'Cause I'm still living in this dump when I should be living in a mansion in Beverly Hills. Laura, sweetheart. Bungalows 3A, 3B and 3C are in Los Angeles. We live in 3G which, technically, is in Beverly Hills. You're all talk, Tyler. You said we'd have enough money this month... to buy me that little baby sealskin coat. - We will.
- Promises, promises. Sweetie, we will. J.D. Clampett, the billionaire, just opened up an account at the bank. Who is this Clampett guy? If he's so rich, how come I've never heard of him? Baby cakes, this guy's got more money than he knows what to do with. Now, that's a problem I think we can help him with. Stop the car, Jethro! They's a fresh kill in the road. - Can't just leave it there. - You're right, Granny. Roadkill stew sounds mighty good right now. Oh, no, you don't, you old coot! I seen it first! - Milburn, call Westec Security. - Well, I... I'm sure there's enough for us all. Eww! How revolting. Easy now, Granny. They're probablyjust bein'neighborly... like them nice folks we met on that extry-wide road. Well, let's give 'em a Californy howdy. - Howdy, y'all.! - Howdy.! Milburn! Did you fip me off? You reckon we're at the wrong spot, UncleJed? Could be. Don't know. It's the right address, Pa.
Whee doggies! The whole place looks brand-new. Hey, UncleJed, there's a whole 'nother house up here. This is a big ol'house. Why do you reckon they got two sets of steps? That's easy. One's for goin' up. The other's for goin' down. Oh. What a pretty critter. Hello, police? This is Miss Jane Hathaway. I wish to report the unlawful entry... of a gang of armed and dangerous hooligans at the Clampett estate. 518 Crestview Drive. - I need you here code three, and I will be timing you. I think you got you a new friend, Duke. Cease and desist.! Everyone.! If I were you, sir, I would yield, submit and capitulate. What are you desperadoes doing here? - Well, it's a mighty long story. - But he don't mind tellin' it. - Pa was a-huntin' one day with old Duke. - Duke spotted this jackrabbit. - So I throws up my gun, and I takes my aim... - Don't shoot! Pardon, ma'am? Two minutes and 46 seconds. Go.! Go.!
Go.! I need three men over there on the south side.! Attention, inside.! You're surrounded.! Drop your weapons and file out one at a time.! - Don't shoot! Oh! They've taken me hostage! - Attention, inside.! Drop your weapons and file out one at a time! This is the Beverly Hills Police Department. Told you this warn't no house. - You heard him. It's the police department. - This is your last warning.! All right! Fire one in! Look. They's a-playin' kick the can. Move in! I knew we shouldn't have never left home. I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! Right this way. We've I.D. 'd them all. - Excellent. - We want the wheels of justice to spin quickly. These criminals must be prosecuted and incarcerated... before our client finds out what happened. Exactly.
The reputation of Milburn Drysdale is at stake. Would everyone turn to the right, please. Huh.! Hmm.! Pathetic. Now we have, starting on the left, a Jedediah Clampett. - Then, next to him, his daughter, Elly May. - Huh? And a Daisy Mae Moses, a. k. a. "Granny. " And a nephew, jethro Bodine. And some woman involved in a drive-by slapping. Oh, chief. Chief. Are you okay? Chief. Quickly! Say something! Say something! You're fired! Mr. Clampett, sir! I am deeply sorry... for any embarrassment my former assistant might have caused you. - L-I... - Yes, sir. L-I... I - I humbly apologize for my egregious error. And rest assured that it will never happen again... as I am no longer in the employ of the bank. Chief, Mr. Drysdale, I will clean out my desk at once. Oh, dear.! Oh, please, don't trouble yourselves.
Please, gentlemen. Oh. Oh, thank you. Don't trouble yourselves. Oh, I'm... Thank you. Thank you so much. Oh, thank... No. So, then everything is fine? Mr. Clampett, please don't take your money from my bank. I'll do anything you want. I'll contribute to charities, anything. I'll eat mud. That won't be necessary. All I want is for this here lady to watch over my affairs. Me? You want me? Well, I reckon you done what you done... 'cause you didn't know we was who we was. And if we hadn't have been who we was... we'd have still been much obliged for you a-doin' what you done. Mr. Clampett, I will work very hard for you. I trust you will. Is that all right with you, Mr. Drysdale? That's exactly what I'd do in your situation. - So we got ourselves a deal. - Ah! Absolutely! Yeah. Just to show you there's no hard feelin's... we'd like to invite you and your family to Sunday supper. - Thank you.
We'll be there. - It'll give me the opportunity to swap recipes with your wife. Oh, she'd love that. Here you go. - What-What are you doing? - We're just payin' our respects. - You... - Oh. Oh. Oh, no. This is a limousine. You'll be going home in this. You take this, and I'll follow you in my Rolls-Royce. - There you go. - Is that your car? - Yes, it is. - Ain't that fancy! Can I drive it? You drive my $180,000 Rolls-Royce? Uh, well, of course you can, son. I think that's a great idea. Hot dog! Howdy! Oh, isn't this exciting? Elly May Clampett, sit down! Oh, excuse me. Hello. Let Mr... Let Mr. Clampett know... that the full weight of the bank is ready to help them. - Yes, chief.
- She thinks she's talkin' to somebody. Ain't even a cord there. Like real estate, bonds, securities. Whatever it is he wants, it's his. Mr. Drysdale wants you to know that the bank is ready to help in any way that it can. There's one reason and one reason only I moved out here. I'm lookin' to get hitched. Chief, he says he wants to get hitched. - "Hitched"? - Married. - Married? - Chief, that's what I said. Miss Hathaway, if... if Clampett wants a wife... tell him that you will personally find him one. Oh, chief, capable as I may be, matrimonial brokering is... Is now one of your specialties. Congratulations, Miss Hathaway, and good luck. Yes, sir. Oh, dear. No problem. Uh, Mr. Clampett. Just exactly what are you looking for in a fiancée? A "fiancée"? "Fiancée"is French for the person you intend to marry. Well, I'm lookin' for a refined lady... to help me raise my daughter, Elly May. Aw, Pa, I'm already raised up. And refined. - Ah. - Elly May, don't spit from a movin' vehicle. Wait till it stops.
Jethro, save some for our guests. Here you go, Unclejed. I think old Duke is sweet on your critter. She's not a critter. She's a champion French "Barbonet. " And her purebred puppies are gonna be worth $3,000 each. Uh, son, what, uh... What do you do? Don't know. What do you do? Oh, I'm just president of a bank. Wow. UncleJed, can I be a president too? Now, Jethro, that's a mighty disrespectful thing to say to Mr. Drysdale. - No. - Ask him if you can be vice president. Vice president. Uh-huh. Vice president. Mm-hmm. I think so. We can... We can always use another good man. Hoo-whee. I'm gonna get me a fancy offiice and a pretty secretary. There's them bells again. Jethro, I bet you there's somebody standing'at that front door right now. If I was you, I'd eat real quick whilst he's gone. Oh, that's good. Margaret, why don't you help yourself, dear.
- Oh, good Lord. - What is it? - Howdy, mister. - Hi. I'm Woodrow Tyler. - I'm here to seeJed Clampett. - Well, come on in. No, no. No. - Tyler. Well, what brings you here? - Sir, hello. We took up a collection to buy these beautiful flowers for our newest clients. Welcome to Beverly Hills. Well, thank you, sonny. Tyler, can the ham. Just introduce yourself and get out of here, okay? - Very pleased to meet you. - Howdy! Elly May Clampett! - He was fixin' to bite my hand. - Well, stand him up. - Tyler, apologize. - My fault completely, Mr. Clampett. I moved too quickly. You have a beautiful daughter... and very strong. - Mrs. Drysdale. - Hmm? What could help Elly May be as refined as you?
Well, I went to finishing school in France. No one understands refinement and sophistication better than the French. Hmm. Do you think we ought to move ourselves to France? - Yes, I do. - No, you don't. No, she doesn't. Actually, you can find a good French tutor that'll come right to your home. I don't wanna change. I just wanna be who I am. - And I ain't goin'to no France.! - Oh, my. Excuse me. - Mrs. Drysdale. - Hmm? If you ain't gonna eat them vittles, can I have 'em? Of course you can, son. Bon appétit. Thank you. Elly May, come on down here. - How'd you know where I was, Pa? - 'Cause ever since you could walk... you've been climbing' trees and cuddling' with your critters. It's high time you started thinkin' about changin' some things. You need to start wearin' dresses and fixin' up nice. But, Pa, folks would call me a sissy. It ain't sissy for girls to act like girls. Ever since your ma died, I done what I knew best... and raised you up like a boy... roughhousin', fishin', fightin'. Yeah. That stuff's fun. Elly, nature made you a girl, and here lately... she's been gettin' more and more positive about it.
Aw, Pa. Every time I look into your eyes... I can see your ma there. Was my ma refined? Oh, yes. She was a real genteel lady. I miss her so much... even now. I wanna be just like my ma was. I reckon I do need somebody to teach me the ways. Yeah, reckon you do. And now I got the means to make that happen. Tyler, don't you have anything better to do today? I just thought you'd wanna know more about the richest dumb guy in America. - He's a hayseed, a hillbilly. - Mm! So this Clampett guy should be easy, huh? Yes, but we better do it fast before he gets married. Married? Tyler, Clampett's getting married? No, but he wants to. - He's a horny old goat lookin' for some action? - Nah. He's just looking for a refined lady... - to help raise his hellcat daughter, Elly May. - Hmm. But he did seem interested when somebody brought up the idea of a French tutor. Hmm. A French tutor. Bonjour.
My name is Laurette Voleur... and I am a... French governess. Well, come on in, ma'am. Bonjour. I am going door-to-door... to see if anyone needs my services. - My business card. - "Mademoiselle. " "Mademoiselle... " - Sorry, ma'am. I don't think so. - Are you sure? - Yep. - There is not a young woman in the house... who is perhaps a bit, uh, unruly? Not that I can think of, but, then again, we just moved here. Nobody in need of refinement and sophistication? No. Maybe you oughta try the neighbors. Oh, well, I am so sorry to bother you. I will be going now. Well, what's the problem, ma'am? I was just hoping that my services would be needed, but... - Well, what do you do? - I teach, um... how do you say this... oh, rambunctious teenage girls how to be more ladylike and proper. Well, dog my cats. You know, Mrs. Drysdale was just telling us... about how the French was the best at finishing a gal out. Oui, they are. They are the very, very best... at making a woman a woman. Hey. I just thought of somethin'. Maybe she could help with Elly May.
Oh. Here, Rascal. Yeah. You like swimmin' in this cement pond, don't you? You like it too, Frankie? Takin'that duck for a swim? And over here by the cement pond is my daughter Elly. Elly, say hello to Miss Laurette. - Howdy, Miss Laurette. - Bonjour, Elly May. It is such a pleasure to meet you. I was thinkin', every day after school... maybe Miss Laurette could help teach you to be a lady. - How about that? - Okay. Spanky likes you. Not as much as I like him. Go on, now, and stay out of trouble. I finally figured this game out, Spanky. You take this ball... you put it down this here gully. It rolls down yonder. Then you hurl yourself down this slippery gully... and see how many of them there snake-bashin' clubs... you can knock down... before the ball gets there. What a stupid idiot. Did you say somethin', ma'am? What a stupendous intellect. That's 'cause I graduated the sixth grade, ma'am. Only took three years. Now, Elly May, sit straight, chin up... and try to practice looking interested when people are boring you. Ah, greetings, Mr. Clampett. - Well, howdy, Miss Jane.

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