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fandom.1000waystodie | # Jaw Boned
"Jaw Boned", Way to Die #444, is the first death to be featured in "Stupid is as Stupid Dies", which aired on September 21, 2010.
Plot.
Jimmy Millican is a meth cook who was once a promising research chemist. He graduated college by the age of 17, but by the age of 19, he became a meth addict. Jimmy spends days upon weeks in his basement lab making the addictive drug. His hallucinations had hallucinations, and even though it was best for him, he wouldn't be leaving the basement anytime soon. Jimmy's version of getting by as his only form of nutrition originates from chewing on a 6-day-old piece of gum that he covers with citric acid to keep its flavor fresh. He does this over and over in a dip, chew, and repeat routine hour-after-hour. But in his meth-addled rush, he mistakenly puts the gum inside a container filled with red phosphorus: an explosive substance found in meth, and fireworks. When he chews the gum, his jaw bone applies 120 lbs of pressure, which was more than enough force to cause the gum to explode in his mouth. It then blew his jaw bone clean off his skull. His brain bounced into the back of the skull, hemorrhaging his cerebral cortex, causing it to bleed out and end his life with a bang as a result.
"His only form of nutrition was a 6-day-old piece of gum. To keep it fresh, he'd dip it in citric acid. Hour after hour, it was the same drill. Dip. Chew. Repeat. Dip. Chew. Repeat. But then he developed a hitch in his dip."
Transcript.
Narrator: His only form of nutrition was a 6-day-old piece of gum. To keep it fresh, he'd dip it in citric acid. Hour after hour, it was the same drill. Dip. Chew. Repeat. Dip. Chew. Repeat. But then he developed a hitch in his dip.
[ ] is playing.
Narrator: Jimmy mistakenly dipped his worn out gum into a bowl of red phosphorus, an explosive substance found in meth... and fireworks.
Narrator: This time, it looks like Jimmy bit off more than he could chew.
| Jaw Boned |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Jeff Battered
| Jeff Battered |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Jelly Belly-ed
"Jelly Belly-ed", Way to Die #389, is the fifth death to be featured in "Cure for the Common Death, Part II", which aired on December 15, 2010.
Plot.
Shirley was on a beach trip with a group of American students on a vacation to Australia. However, she liked to scare everybody for fun. Shirley tried a new technique by going to the waves and giving everybody a false alarm that there was a shark. However, when the people come to save Shirley, there wasn't even a shark at all. Shirley swims underwater and accidentally swallows an Irukandji jellyfish, which proceeded to sting her trachea and swelling it shut. Nobody believed Shirley's story when she cried for help, all thanks to the shark prank she played on them earlier. By the time they finally realized that this was for real, it was too late, and Shirley dies of Irukandji Syndrome and asphyxiation.
Transcript.
Narrator: Instead of being obnoxious and screaming...
Shirley: SHARK!
Narrator: Shirley should have kept her big mouth shut!
Segment Description.
Description as seen on the Spike TV website
| Jelly Belly-ed |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Jersey Gore
"Jersey Gore", Way to Die #523, is the second death to be featured in "Hurry Up and Die", which aired on October 26, 2010.
Plot.
Nicky, a.k.a. "The Predicament", was a hard, loud, and obnoxious man. He liked to work on his 1985 Chevrolet Camaro, operating cooling fans next to his fake gold necklace, smoking next to exposed gas, and risking being crushed under his car. One day, he was working under his car, with ear-splitting loud music. His wife kept telling him to turn it down, but he wouldn't listen. This man had no concern for anyone else around him. He was screaming at his wife (like she could hear him). Nicky was about to learn first hand why they call it "death metal". When he accidentally rolled out from under his car on his dolly & landing right in the spinning wire bristles of a street sweeper. His music was playing so loud, he didn't hear the street sweeper coming. The bristles flayed Nicky & tore up his muscles & body, the bristles then shred Nicky to mulch, then he was sucked into the 3.5 cubic yard hopper. Coupled with the wheels that crushed his skull. Ultimately he died from exanguination, injury, blood loss, crushing, & pulverization. In the end, Nicky's blood and skinned arm and leg, and a strip of long intestine remained on the street, much to the horror of the woman. As the obnoxious man gets a ride to hell.
Transcript.
Narrator: Nicky was one crude rude dude. It was high time that fate stepped in and gave him...the brush-off.
| Jersey Gore |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Jessica Gas-Killed
Way To Die #532 - Jessica Gas-killed is the third death was featured in Hey! Spencer, got a yellow light.
Plot.
Jessica Gaskell, a retiring palace staff who does not speaks her voice due to her neck wounded off. She want a heartbreaking to pretend crying herself did not go out there like Jacqueline. She tried to collect the Jacqueline's memo to read on, despite this. She collapsed to the floor after suffered a heart attack and she died within seconds.
"She died in her dream of Jacqueline like memorial to death. Cause of death: Heart attack"
| Jessica Gas-Killed |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Ji-Had It Coming
"Ji-Had It Coming", Way to Die #127, is the second death featured in "Dead Before They Know It", which aired on March 23, 2011.
Plot.
An award-winning American reporter named Tanya, who denounces her U.S. citizenship, converts to Islam, and marries a Taliban leader. Tanya celebrates by firing off several rounds of an AK-47 into the air during her wedding to fit in with the crowd, but loses control of the gun and dies when one of the bullets hits a metal pitcher and ricochets into her skull, where it bounces inside and causes massive bleeding and immediately fatal wounds, killing her instantly.
Transcript.
Narrator: Tanya was just another bleeding heart who went native. She thought she was going to help overthrow the U.S. In the end, she did her country a huge favor... by dying.
Alternative Description.
Description as seen on Spike TV's website
"A misguided American woman marries a terrorist, but accidentally kills herself during the wedding celebration when she mishandles an AK-47."
| Ji-Had It Coming |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Joe Irwin
Joe Irwin is the third and final narrator for 1000 Ways To Die, replacing Ron Perlman. He narrated the final episodes in the sixth season, starting with Tweets From the Dead (Segment: Pretty Fly For A Dead Guy), and ending with the episode Death, The Final Frontier (Segment: Phlegm Phatale).
| Joe Irwin |
fandom.1000waystodie | # John Can't-Day
| John Can't-Day |
fandom.1000waystodie | # John Laceration
| John Laceration |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Jules Sylvester
Jules Sylvester (born November 13, 1950) is a snake wrangler (aka Zoologist) who works in film and television. He was born in England and raised in Kenya where he was first introduced to snake catching at age 16. He served in the Rhodesian Light Infantry during the Rhodesian Bush War from 1973-1974. He has appeared in numerous television shows including a series of appearances on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and his own 2002 series Wild Adventures. He handled the snakes in the film Snakes on a Plane (2006). He was also a guest on The Bernie Mac Show (2001-06). He has also made an interview appearance on Spike TV's 1000 Ways to Die dealing with animal-related deaths. In 2006, he claimed that after 40 years of snake handling he had never been bitten.
In 2012, Jules appeared in Animal Movers in Episode-2: "The Tortoise and the Hare-Raising Cobra." He transported Cobras to Florida.
| Jules Sylvester |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Jump-Scared Death
It is a music piece to the 1000 ways to die soundtrack. It includes:
Dead Kacynski
A Chainus Runs Through It
I Spy A Dead Guy
More will come.
| Jump-Scared Death |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Just Plane Dead
"Just Plane Dead", Way to Die #413, is the fourth death featured in "You're Dead! LOL!", which aired on February 10, 2010.
Plot.
A former pilot and current public nuisance named John Watson flies an RC glider. He keeps riding it into other people and keeps messing around with them. He eventually flies it into the direction of the sun, losing view of it. Since he is so drunk, he does not notice it comes back behind him, which impales him through his chest, killing him within seconds.
| Just Plane Dead |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Kara-Chokey
"Kara-Chokey", Way to Die #446, is the third death featured in "", which aired February 8, 2012.
Plot.
Black Wolf (Japanese for Kuro ōkami), a Japanese Sake and Kakaoke-loving Yakuza boss punishes Jim, a tone-deaf drunk enforcer that sings bad, by severing his fingertip and swallowing it, only to have it lodge in his throat. One of his underlings performs the Heimlich maneuver to save him, but having messed up the maneuver due to his incorrect techniques caused a rupture in the boss's aortic valve so that, Black Wolf dies of massive internal hemorrhaging.
| Kara-Chokey |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Keester Sunday
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"Keester Sunday", Way to Die #360, is the third death featured in "Death Certificates", which aired on July 15, 2012.
Plot.
Jake and Josh Peterson are drug-dealing brothers who end up being busted by a police officer one day. After the police officer threatens them with a cavity search, he throws them into the back of a police van. Josh pulls a water balloon full of cocaine out of Jake's rectum with his mouth, they pop the balloon over themselves and the two attempt to lick it all up before the officer comes back to search them. However, the two brothers end up dying of a heart attack from all the cocaine that was ingested, much to the officer's surprise.
Transcript.
Jake: Listen, you're my little brother! Put your mouth up my ass, and get that COKE OUT!
Narrator: When it comes to coke, enough is never enough. Until... it's too much.
Officer: What The HELL?!
Narrator: Jake and Josh played hide and go seek with the killer bag of cocaine. But when it came time to ditch the goods, but the brothers turned to licking...and then stopped ticking.
Segment Description.
Description as seen on the Spike TV website * "Two drug-dealing gangbangers die when they try to conceal evidence by eating an ounce of cocaine stuffed up one brother’s ass in the back of a police cruiser."
| Keester Sunday |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Kill Basa
"Kill Basa", Way to Die #510, is the sixth death featured in "The Lighter Side of Death", which aired on March 1, 2009.
Plot.
A man named Donny was a fellow who constantly got laughed out of the men's locker room and out of the bedroom for his "small crotch rocket.". Donny wants to impress women with a "large package." Knowing his penis won't cut it, he uses surgical tubing to tie a 12-inch kielbasa sausage to his upper thigh. The ladies and some men were drawn to his "package." However, he ties the sausage so tight that it cuts off his circulation. The blood in his clogged artery forms into a clot over the next several hours, eventually traveling to his lungs, killing him at a nightclub.
"For Donny, size mattered a little too much. But for one night, this tiny, tiny man had something special between his legs...something to die for."
Transcript.
Narrator: Disco Donny Donnoche, is obsessed with size. He spent his whole life being laughed at men in the locker room and women in the bedroom.
Narrator: Tonight, he's fighting back. His choice of weapon: a 12-inch kielbasa.
Alex Katehakis: I think that kind of guy does that is someone who feels unbelievably unsure of themselves and really really insecure.
Narrator: He gets his neetment in place. Ties it down with some surgical tubing, and off he goes, ready take the club, with his clog.
Narrator: It's like he always dreamed would be.
Narrator: All lies and drawn, Donny's all stuffed crotch.
Narrator: For 4 long, really long hours, Donny is the man. One by one the girls take turn pain tribute to Donny's salami. There's enough for everyone. Well... almost.
Alex Katehakis: Instead of him saying "Here's why I really am as a man",
Alex Katehakis: he's creating his fake penis and wanted to get attention by how big it is. If a woman is attracted to that ironically, he-he's gonna take her home and show 'em... show her a sausage.
Narrator: Suddenly at a high of his triumph, something's wrong...
Narrator: It's like a 1000 scalpels, are stabbing his chest.
Narrator: His boogie night starts to blur...
Dr. Vyshali Rao: There's no way that you can tourniquet off any limb of your body for hours without having horrible consequences.
Narrator: He drops to the dance floor, disco Donny, is dead.
Dr. Vyshali Rao: You get a clot in the leg because you thought this rubber hose tied to your legs so that leg is not get any circulation. That clot slowly makes its way up into the heart, makes its way into the lung, it's logged into the lung, you end up dying at the massive pulmonary embolism because the blood can't get to the lung where it supposed to.
Narrator: For Donny, size mattered a little too much. But for one night, this tiny, tiny man had something special between his legs...something to die for.
| Kill Basa |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Kill Bill & Billie
"Kill Bill & Billie", Way to Die #249, is the fourth death featured in "Death Certificates", which aired on July 15, 2012.
Plot.
Bill and Billie are a married couple, both of whom which are livid with each other, who have marital problems after Bill suspects Billie of cheating on him and Billie suspects Bill of cheating on her. Bill calls a hitman, ordering him to kill Billie and her lover if the hitman does catch her cheating. Ironically enough, Bill is also cheating on Billie, hiring prostitutes three times a week. Bill decides to up the ante by hiring a fourth prostitute, which turns out to be Billie.
Upon realizing that they were both right about them cheating on each other all along, they get into yet another argument. While they argue, the hitman comes in and does a standard tap head execution, shooting them both in the head, killing both of them instantly.
| Kill Bill & Billie |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Kill Bill (And Billie)
| Kill Bill (And Billie) |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Killdo
"Killdo", Way to Die #674, is the sixth death to be featured in "Unforced Errors", which aired on February 8, 2009.
Plot.
A nymphomaniac named Jennifer (Kimberly Laferriere) goes to a market to buy groceries. She notices a sexy stock boy in the vegetable section spraying the vegetables and becomes attracted to him, but cannot invite him over for sex since she had plans with her friends. Back at her pad, when she unpacks everything, she holds a carrot and thinks about the man back at the market. She is thinking about having sex with it and thinking it's a man's penis. In other words, she has the idea to use the carrot as her sex toy. Unfortunately, she peeled her carrot poorly, so a rough edge on the carrot slices her vaginal wall, and it created an air bubble inside her body. The air bubble went inside the heart, and Jennifer couldn't breathe. She dropped the carrot and died.
Transcript.
Narrator: Some people just seem to ooze sexuality. Take Jennifer here: She can turn a trip to the supermarket into a lap dance of longing and lust. Not only she's sexy, she loves sex. Loves having it, loves thinking about it. Right now, she's thinking about the hunk over there, stagging cubs. But she's gotta date with some girlfriend in from out of town. Too bad for you, cub stagger, you have no idea what you're missing.
Narrator: Back home, Jennifer unpacks her day's catch. But all she can think about, is release. She just can't shake that vision of stud boy hosing down the produce.
Narrator: It was time to go organic.
Jennifer: (Breathes sexually)
Alana Evans: Masturbation is an absolutely "amazing" thing. I think it's important for everyone to masturbate, it's "such" a great stress relief, it helps relief the tension through your body,
Alana Evans: and let's be say it: if you can make yourself orgasm all alone, and sex just isn't the same.
-Jennifer: (Breathes sexually)<br>
-Narrator: Turns out, Jennifer could've done a better job shaving... her carrot. A rough edge sliced through her vaginal wall, and sent in airbulism raising up to her heart.
Jennifer: (Suffocates)
Narrator: There will be no happy ending to this veggie tale.
Dr. Daniel Eisenberg: Stranger things had happen. She tore... part of...her...either vaginal wall or some part of her pelvic area.
Dr. Daniel Eisenberg: Air somehow, got in, during the masturbation process into the arteries. And the air that went up to the heart caused death.
| Killdo |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Killdozed by the Bulldozer
| Killdozed by the Bulldozer |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Killer Tan
"Killer Tan", Way to Die #263, is the seventh and final death featured in "It's a Dead, Dead, Dead World", which aired on July 15, 2012.
Plot.
Fredo and Allie B are two tanning-obsessed guidos. As part of a Friday night ritual, they meet at Allie's tanning salon before a wild night out. The two start off by spray tanning each other, but Fredo wants to be darker. Allie then reveals a stand-in spray tanning booth. The two begin to tan again, but Fredo wants to be darker but insists on having his cigarettes first. When they get inside the booth, Allie B struggles to light up the lighter, but she manages to do so, the spark from the lighter ignites the DHA fumes in the booth, creating a fireball, and the explosion kills them both by burning their entire bodies, nose, throat and lungs.
Alt Name.
Meaning: Tan booths are not to be smoked in.
| Killer Tan |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Killing Them Softly
Killing Them Softly.
"1000 Ways to Die" Episode 43.
Originally aired March 9, 2011.
Title references: Spoofs the popular song "Killing Me Softly with His Song" (or the Dave Chappelle comedy special "Killing 'Em Softly").
-- This is the Original Episode --
Scam Eye Am (Dead).
Way to Die #894
On March 21, 2003, in Chicago, IL. After a Nigerian scam artist attempts to scam a man using the "wash-wash" scheme, his intended victim catches on and runs up to the scammer's hotel room. The scam artist is standing behind the door when the victim forces it open, driving its coathook into the scammer's eye and piercing his frontal lobe.
Alt names - Killer Scam
Contact Die.
Way to Die #270
On October 10, 2006, in New Britain, CT. A co-ed attempting to seduce her way through chemistry class distracts her nerdy lab partner, who is mixing ammonia and hydrochloric acid. As she leans over the flask, the gas fuses her contact lenses to her eyes. As she blunders toward an emergency wash station, she trips on a cord and slides headfirst into a wall, breaking her neck.
Alt names - Blinded Me With Science
Six Feet Plunder.
Way to Die #427
On September 17, 2002. in Harrisburg, PA. A jealous man attempts to rob his wealthy brother's grave of the expensive jewelry he was buried with. After the man digs too close to the headstone, it topples on top of him, pinning him on top of his brother's body and crushing him.
Alt names - Grave Danger
Guns N' Noses.
Way to Die #465
On December 14, 1992, in Sierra Leone. After capturing and killing a diamond smuggler, a ruthless warlord celebrates by snorting "brown-brown" (cocaine laced with nitroglycerine-laced gunpowder). The tray holding the mixture is contaminated with diamond dust; when the warlord snorts the mixture, the particles lacerate his arteries and travel to his heart, causing him to bleed to death.
Alt names - Blood Diamonds
Trivia: This segment has also been used for "Top 100 Deaths".
Frequent Dier.
Way to Die #95
On November 2, 2006, in Richmond, VA. An overly-intimate couple on an airplane flight decide to join the mile high club after being told by the stewardess that they cannot have sex in front of the other passengers. While the couple try to get in a comfortable position in the cramped bathroom, the plane hits a pocket of turbulence and the two are thrown violently around until they die of skull fractures and a broken neck.
Alt names - Mile Die Club
Suck & Blown.
Way to Die #180
On August 24, 2007, in Atlantic City, NJ. Attempting to siphon gas from a car, two men use an industrial vacuum to speed up the process. A spark from the vacuum's electric fan ignites the gas and sets off an explosion that instantly kills them both.
Alt names - Suck and Blow
Master E-Raced.
Way to Die #744
On April 11, 1945 (Technically some time in 1995). Starts in Nuremberg, Germany and ends in Brooklyn, NY. A Nazi military officer is shot in the head during World War II and left for dead, but survives with the bullet becoming lodged near a major artery in his brain. Fifty years later, he bumps his head against his refrigerator, jarring the bullet enough to sever the artery and cause a fatal hemorrhage.
Alt names - Dishonorable Discharge
Visit the 1000 Ways to Die website at: www.spike.com/shows/1000-ways-to-die.
| Killing Them Softly |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Kitchen Sunk
"Kitchen Sunk", Way to Die #325, is the sixth death featured in "Death – The Gift That Lasts Forever", which aired on August 22, 2011.
Plot.
Angus is the lead singer of a metal band called "Whisker Wars". However, Angus was untalented and started to annoy his girlfriend named Susie. She tells Angus that the kitchen sink is clogged, but he continues to work on his music until she comes back in and pulls him to the sink. Using a plunger, Angus attempts to unclog the sink and thinking he fixed it, turns on the garbage disposal, only to watch the water go to the other side of the sink. He unclogs the other and leans down and his beard gets caught in the garbage disposal. The disposal pulls his face into the murky water but his beard jams it and it switches itself off and his panicking causes the water to enter his lungs and drowns him. Susie comes back and was surprised to see Angus drowned.
"Angus was a handyman's wet dream. Thinking his bumbling had actually fixed the clogged sink, he turned on the garbage disposal, and watched the watched the water go from one side to the other. He fumbled around a little bit more until...something caught his attention."
Transcript.
Angus (Singing): PANCAKES!
Narrator: Angus was a handyman's wet dream. Thinking his bumbling had actually fixed the clogged sink, he turned on the garbage disposal, and watched the watched the water go from one side to the other. He fumbled around a little bit more until...something caught his attention.
Narrator: Angus was the perfect storm of stupidity: he didn't know how bad his music was, didn't realize his girlfriend was ready to dump him and he had no clue on how to fix a clogged sink. The only thing he did know... was how to die.
Susie: Angus? Angus!
| Kitchen Sunk |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Kung Pao Pow!!!
"Kung Pao Pow!!!", Way to Die #365, is the third death to be featured in "The One About Dumb People Dying", which aired on February 8, 2011.
Plot.
With Mainland China's population being estimated at 1.4 billion people, the deceased end up at a mandatory crematorium run by Chung Lee, who is also a corrupt thief and grave robber. He would strip a dead body of anything of value and then put them in the burning chamber so they can be burned into ashes. His next deceased person was a man with the surname of "Wang", who died of what was thought to be a lightning strike two days earlier, and his burn wound near his heart is visible. After Chung relieved Wang's body of his gold-capped teeth, and set the body in the burning chamber, the body explodes, blasting the metal door off its hinges, flying and decapitating Chung cleanly.
It turns out that Wang didn't die from lightning strike after all. but instead was killed after being struck by a piece of a weather rocket, launched in response to a month-long drought. The canister that releases rain-inducing silver iodide into the atmosphere failed to detonate and hurtled itself back down to Earth, embedding in Wang's chest. Little did Chung know, the explosive was buried deep in Wang's chest, and when the flames in the chamber activated, the canister finally heated up and detonated.
Transcript.
Narrator: China has a population of 1.4 billion...
Narrator: Do you ever wonder what they do with their dead bodies? They burn them. In China, cremation is mandatory.
Narrator: Chung Lee was the head of the state Crematorium. He was also a corrupt thief...
Narrator: First, he would strip a body of anything of value, then it was flame on.
Peter Hartwick: Cremation process begins with industrial furnace or retour, which is capable of maintaining temperatures' highest: 2400°F (About 1316°C). The cremation process is designed to reduce human or animal remains to ash and bone fragments. The average time frame is normally around 100 pounds per hour.
Narrator: Mr. Wang here was about to go "Asses to Ashes". Two days earlier, he had died in what was determined to be a "lightning strike", because of a telltale "burn wound" on his chest...
Narrator: The hole in Wang's chest was far less interesting than the treasure in his mouth.
Narrator: But when Mr. Chung finally put the flames to dead man Wang...
Narrator: he got a mouthful...
Narrator: and then some.
Narrator: An autopsy would've uncovered the real cause of Wang's death, and it was "not" lightning.
Narrator: He was hit by a piece of a Weather Rocket that was launched in response to a month-long drought. The explosive canister that disperses rain-inducing Silver Iodide, failed to detonate. Instead, it came hurdling back down to Earth, and embedded itself in Wang's chest.
Narrator: Unbeknownst to Chung, the explosive charge was now buried deep in Wang's chest.
Narrator: As soon as the Crematorium house flamed on,
Narrator: the detonator heated up, and exploded... The force of the blast blew the metal door off it's hinges, severing Chung's head.
Narrator: If Chung had any sense, he would've remembered the Ancient Chinese proverb:
Narrator: "Have greedy heart,
Narrator: lose... Greedy head."
| Kung Pao Pow!!! |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Kuzco'd
| Kuzco'd |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Lac-Toasted
| Lac-Toasted |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Lac-toasted
"Lac-toasted", Way to Die #399, is the sixth death featured in "Death, The Final Frontier", which aired July 15, 2012.
Plot.
A flasher named Gordon harasses a group of mothers feeding their babies in the park, and drinks two of the baby bottles. The mothers—who are revealed to be members of an underground fight club called "M.I.L.F" ["Moms I'd Like To Fight"] -- are incensed and beats up Gordon. Gordon survives the beatdown, but still dies. Unbeknownst to him, the breast milk he drank earlier came from a mother who had been eating peanuts before nursing her child. He suffered a fatal allergic reaction and died within minutes from a lack of oxygen.
Transcript.
Narrator: Gordon tries to pull himself together, when suddenly...his weiner-waving days are over.
Narrator: Gordon flashed the wrong mommies, and wound up... lac-toasted.
| Lac-toasted |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Laced Out
Laced Out is a forei death
| Laced Out |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Laced Up
"Laced Up", Way to Die #162, was featured as the sixth Segment in the German dub of "Up With Death". The Episode aired on December 16, 2009.
Plot.
Debby spends most of her time talking to her friend, Nancy Green, with a telephone. Today she tells her friend every embarrassing detail about her husband. To not get bored she walks throughout her house while still talking. When answering the door, her swinger friend has brought her flowers. What she doesn't realize is that the cable of the phone has wrapped itself around her neck. Forgetting to close the door, the wind smashes it shut, causing the cable to be pulled hard and tighten around her neck. She later dies after the blood supply has been cut off for too long. Cause of death: Choking and brain damage.
| Laced Up |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Lady & The Trampled
"Lady & The Trampled", Way to Die #115, is the seventh death to be featured in "You're Dead! LOL!", which aired on February 10, 2010.
Plot.
Moose is a famous male biker in a bar. Unfortunately, he is also an extremely sexist pervert. During his time at the bar, he shows off his own stunts. First he makes several advances towards a member of the Strokers, a group of strippers performing on stage. Then he goes where NO man should EVER go and crosses the line, stealing one of the stripper's bras. Shocked and enraged, another one of the Strokers kicks Moose square in the chest, knocking him to the floor like a sack of potatoes. After that, Moose is then trampled to death by a several of his fellow bikers to check out the now topless stripper.
| Lady & The Trampled |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Last Beer-Dead
"Last Beer-Dead", Way to Die #442, is the eighth and final death to be featured in "Waking Up Dead", which aired on February 3, 2010.
Plot.
Mary and Chad Britman were a couple. They were traveling on road. Mary was driving while Chad was sleeping. He then begins to sleep walk. He went to get a beer from the fridge. He then tried walking to the bathroom, but unfortunately, he opens the door of the recreational vehicle, in which he steps out and falls out of the vehicle, causing him to die from serious fractures.
| Last Beer-Dead |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Last Blast
"Last Blast", Way to Die #983, is the eighth and final death featured in "Come On, Get Deathy", which aired on January 20, 2010.
Plot.
A friends group who were in the middle of nowhere arrive at an empty place, one of them named Patrick loves it to make fun of them and prank them. Today he decides to sabotage his friend's pickup truck by placing a potato inside the exhaust. After he makes fun of the fact that Brad's parents divorced because his father molested him, he has enough of Patrick and so do the others. They enter the vehicle to get away but the potato prevented that. After trying to get the car going multiple times the build up force inside the exhaust shoots the potato straight into Patrick's eye, where it caused a level of brain damage that he was killed almost instantly, putting an end to his childish and immature antics, once and for all.
| Last Blast |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Last Strike
"Last Strike", Way to Die #200, is the seventh Segment in "Death Gets Busy", which was aired on February 22, 2009.
Plot.
A college football player named Daniel throws a party on the roof of a building. Despite being told many times by his peers to not drink anymore, he ignores them and does it anyway. Later on, he starts throwing chairs off the roof and pushing people around to show off his manliness. He ends up getting attention from the police, so he runs away, losing his sunglasses and putting on his jacket. When he goes into a hallway, he stumbles across a mysterious figure that looks exactly like him, so he drunkenly charges towards it and screams, unaware that he is really looking at a mirror door. He crashes through it and then bleeds to death when his jugular vein is severed.
| Last Strike |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Law & Death
| Law & Death |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Law and OrDead
"Law and OrDead", Way to Die #909, is the seventh Segment in "Cure for the Common Death, Part I". It was first aired on March 22, 2009.
Plot.
Lawyer Jeremiah Prescott wanted to convince the judge and jury that his client, Nelson Robbinson, didn't shoot a man to death, so he came up with a theory that the victim accidentally shot himself while pulling a gun out of his pants. To prove it, he used an empty pistol to reenact how it could've happened, but he ended up making a fatal error: even though he emptied the gun's magazine, he didn't check the barrel to find that there was actually one last bullet in it. When he pulled the gun out of his pants, he ended up shooting himself in the stomach and he died from massive hemorrhaging. The court eventually found Nelson not guilty and set him free.
| Law and OrDead |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Lawn of the Dead
"Lawn of the Dead", Way to Die #129, is the first death featured in "", which aired on December 8, 2010.
Plot.
In the 70's, a man named Matthew parties with a bunch of his junkie and drunk friends at an outdoor barbecue. After one of his friends dodges death by moving out of the way when fire shoots from the grill, Matthew celebrates by pulling out lawn darts and showing one of the female partygoers how to use them. Matthew tosses the lawn dart up into the air, but gets distracted by the female flashing her breasts and fails to catch the lawn dart. The dart comes back down with enough speed to impale Matthew through the top of his skull, piercing his brain and coming out the bridge of his nose, killing him instantly, much to the shock of the female.
Transcript.
Narrator: Having narrowly escaped a fiery death, Matthew brings out another example of what was wrong with the 70's: lawn darts.
Narrator: Matthew had a lot in common with 8-track tapes, shag carpeting, and platform shoes. None of them made it out of the 70's.
| Lawn of the Dead |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Lazy Bumday
"Lazy Bumday", Way to Die #914, is the fifth death to be featured in "Locked and Low Dead", which aired on February 29, 2012.
Plot.
Harry is a lazy scammer who is immobilized due to his ankles breaking and is confined to a power wheelchair. He poses as a Gulf War Veteran and successfully scams people out of their money. After going back to his house, he notices that his unkempt kitchen is infested with maggots. Harry soon finds that maggots have been residing on his back, where they have been feasting on his bedsores for weeks. Harry soon squirmed off his chair, and collapses onto the floor, dead. But he didn't die because of the maggots. It was bad dieting and no exercise that to a toll on his obese body, which caused him to die from massive heart failure.
Transcript.
Narrator: Death by maggots? Nope. They were just getting a free meal. Harry died from massive heart failure.
Narrator: Pretty dumb way to die, but in Harry’s case, beggars can’t be choosers, ya maggot!
| Lazy Bumday |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Leave it to Seizure
"Leave it to Seizure", Way to Die #173, is the sixth death to be featured in "Wait, Don't Tell Me – You're Dead", which aired on August 15, 2011.
Plot.
Janelle was a cute girl. She was also a cage dancer. When Janelle sneakily steals one of her customer's money, he asks her about the money but Janelle says, "I didn't take your money." To this, the security guard gets furious, he drags an innocent man and kicks him out. Then after Janelle counted her money, she walked into her cage. Then the owner activated the strobe lights. But fate steps in for her because she was having a grand mal seizure. Did she die from the strobe lights? No! Janelle died when she bit on her own tongue and choked on it. This sends this thieving whore to hell.
Transcript.
Narrator: Time and Jacks are one of those whore the world that specialized in strippers who can wrap themselves around the pole and waves you ever dreamed of. And then there was... Janelle.
Narrator: Who for little extra will give you your own special hap wrap.
Lola: Going on stages is like advertising. And so you pay attention to... who is tipping you and who is responding to you, people who are in big groups, 10 to not tip as much, I tend to go for the guys that are by themselves and then you also look at who's getting more change from the bar, who has big stack of ones in front of them, and then those who be the guys that you go and try to get a lot downswear.
Narrator: Janelle was so good at her job, that she will leave you breathless.
Narrator: And pennies.
Customer: Where's my money?
Janelle: I didn't take your money.
Narrator: A fool out of money her soon part. Especially in this clip joint.
Narrator: After counting her cash,
Owner: It's Janelle!
Narrator: the curvy scam artist jumped into the cage and strap herself in.
Narrator: And when the new strobe system she knew all eyes will be on her...
Narrator: The audience was mesmerized.
Narrator: So was Janelle. The strobe was lighting up on her neurons on 30 flashes in second. And she was dancing like she never had before. That's because she was having a grand mal seizure.
Dr. Cynthia Cotharn: In the visual cortex of the brain, were vision and light are process, filtering from the strobe light in this case can cause a seizure.
Dr. Cynthia Cotharn: Which she has a seizure, the muscle of her jaw contracted, she bit down on her tongue, the tongue started to bleed from 5th feet, she choked on her tongue, and she died.
Narrator: Janelle knew how to shake it and shakedown, but when the lights started flashing, she seized up and then it was lights out.
| Leave it to Seizure |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Lesbocution
"Lesbocution", Way to Die #832, is the fourth death to be featured in "Life Will Kill You", which aired on May 14, 2008.
Plot.
The girl in red is Lori Pathouson. After a string of bad relationships, Lori is ready to square off men altogether. She's decided to satisfy a bisexual curiosity that has consumed her since junior high. If it wasn't for the 4-inch stilettos that had been pinching her feet since the evening began, tonight might been a good enough first for Lori, instead it would be her last.
Before crossing the street, Lori steps into a shallow puddle next to a traffic pole. She doesn't see the exposed wires at the bottom of the pole. She doesn't know that they were feeding 30,000 volts of raw currents into the water.
Lori is about to learn a scientific truth the hard way. Wet skin has 10 times the conductivity of dry. By placing her hand on the metal pole, Lori becomes a human circuit and dies from electrical shock.
Transcript.
Narrator: The girl in red is Lori Pathouson. After a string of bad relationships, Lori is ready to square off men altogether.
Lori: Oh my god. Can you better than him, I'm telling you.
Narrator: She's decided to satisfy a bisexual curiosity that has consumed her since junior high.
Lori: Oh my god. My feet are killing me.
Narrator: If it wasn't for the 4-inch stilettos that had been pinching her feet since the evening began,
Lori: Oh, that is so much better.
Narrator: tonight might well have been a first for Lori, instead it would be her last.
Narrator: Before crossing the street, Lori steps into a shallow puddle next to a traffic pole. She doesn't see the exposed wires at the bottom of the pole. She doesn't know that they were feeding 30,000 volts of raw currents into the water.
William C. Wysock: The fact that she was standing in the puddle of water, increased her conductivity for electrical shock. The fact that she was "bare" foot, greatly increased her... probability that she would be shocked very severely.
Narrator: Lori is about to learn a scientific truth the hard way. Wet skin has 10 times the conductivity of dry. By placing her hand on the metal pole, Lori becomes a human circuit.
William C. Wysock: Basically what happened to her, is that she completed an electrical circuit. If the light pole was made of metal, it's grounded, of course, 'cause it's mounted in the ground. So, she completed an electrical circuit, that caused enough current to pass through her body, from her feet, through her hands where she was touching the pole, that caused defibrillation of the heart, which means the heart stops basically. There's enough current and enough voltage there, that caused electrocution. So, she died of electrical shock.
| Lesbocution |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Lesboned
"Lesboned", Way to Die #412, is the fourth death featured in "Hurry Up and Die", which aired on October 26, 2010.
Plot.
This is the story of Jasmine and Janine. Jasmine is a bisexual real estate agent notorious for having sex with her clients. At that point, she meets and seduces Janine; she was a wealthy and prospective customer and also, a lesbian. After a tour of the house, pool, and eventually the laundry room, they strip and have sex on top of the dryer. Jasmine and Janine's movements cause its improperly-connected fuel line to come loose and unhook, causing the room to fill with highly-flammable natural gas. Janine noticed the smell, but it was too late. When the water heater turns on (because Jasmine unknowingly turned on during the passion moment), it ignites the gas and sets off an explosion that kills both women instantly.
Goof.
Continuity: While Jasmine and Janine are having sex, Janine pulled down Jasmine's panties. After the explosion, Jasmine's panties are up.
| Lesboned |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Less Is Mormon
"Less Is Mormon", Way to Die #258, is the third death to be featured in "Death – Putting The "Fun" In "Funeral", which aired on February 22, 2012.
Plot.
Brother Kether is the leader of a polygamist cult who is marrying an attractive young woman named Karen against her will. When it comes time to Karen to say "I do", she says that she cannot marry him and runs off into the woods to escape. Kether and his cult chase after her in pursuit. Kether soon catches up to Karen at an intersection in the woods, but he accidentally runs into one of many booby traps that he had set up in the woods - a spring-loaded spike board which impales the victim when stepped on like a rake. Kether dies within seconds from massive blood loss caused by his heart and lungs being punctured by the spikes.
| Less Is Mormon |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Life Will Kill You
Life Will Kill You is the first episode of Season 1 of 1000 Ways to Die. It originally aired on May 14, 2008. It contains seven segments, the last of which is not a death, but a real-life account of someone who "almost" died.
The episode is narrated by series creator Thom Beers.
Segments.
Way to Die #208: Semi-cide.
Title Joke: Homicide by Semi Truck
A man working on his car is run over and bisected by an 18-wheeler. Two bystanders phone paramedics who load the man's upper torso and his legs into two separate ambulances, resulting in them ending up at separate hospitals. The delay results in the man bleeding to death.
Way to Die #422: Constriction Accident.
Title Joke: Construction Accident involving asphyxiation
A construction worker who comes to work drunk comes to work with a hangover. He accidentally activates the dumping mechanism and buries a fellow worker under three tons of sand and dies from crush asphyxia.
Way to Die #92: Fang Banged.
Title Joke: A play on Gang Banged, but with snakes!
A drunk man is shot at by his equally drunk brother. When he ducks, he falls onto a rattlesnake, which bites him near his heart and he dies from the venom.
Way to Die #832: Lesbocution.
Title Joke: A combination of the derogatory term "Lesbo" and "Electrocution"
After being involved in a series of bad relationships, a woman decides to become a lesbian. While going home to have sex with a female friend to celebrate her coming out, the woman takes off her high heels and steps barefoot into a puddle with a live wire in it and is electrocuted.
Way to Die #125: Love Bugged.
Title Joke: A play on "Love Bug"
A reclusive French amateur entomologist and herpetologist is bitten by his black widow spider in a misguided attempt to build an immunity to its venom. Electing to ride out the symptoms of his latrodectism, he suffers a fatal heart attack, knocking over his reptile tanks as he collapses. The released animals then feed on his corpse for two weeks before it is found by police.
Way to Die #640: Tumble Die (a.k.a. Dried Off).
Title Joke: A play on the term "Tumble Dry"
A repairman is accidentally trapped inside an industrial clothes dryer and dies of being battered around and excess heat within minutes causing hyperthermia.
Escaped Death #1: Mike Staley.
A cautionary look-back at the infamous accident of Daytona driver Julius David Johnson III ('Slick' Johnson) in 1990. While the accident had taken the racer's life, Mike Staley, one of the on-sight paramedics was launched by Slick's car, and nearly run over by one of the other racers. Miraculously, Mike Staley survived the ordeal and went on to label it as "his worst and luckiest day all at once".
| Life Will Kill You |
fandom.1000waystodie | # List of deaths (Deathcards)
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| List of deaths (Deathcards) |
fandom.1000waystodie | # List of deaths (Official Deathcards)
| List of deaths (Official Deathcards) |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Little Chop Of Horrors
"Little Chop Of Horrors", Way To Die #315, is the sixth death to be featured in the episode "Dying to Tell the Story", which aired on December 29, 2010.
Plot.
Sal had just cheated two men out to give them $50 for a truck with an engine that could get up to 600$. He attempts to blowtorch the engine from the truck, but the mediocre chain holding it up, made in Mainland China, snaps, and the 800 pound steel engine came down from 3 feet high and crushed his ribs, punctured his heart, lungs, caused his eyeballs to pop out, and he bleeds to death.
"Chop shop Sal got to chopping. Besides ripping off other criminals, Sal had another talent: for his trusty acetylene torch in hand, he can reduce a full car to pieces in minutes. Carving an engine out of this heap of scrap metal was kid's play. But even chop shops have to deal with the realities of global economy: The motor was made in USA, the chain holding it up...made in China."
Transcript.
Narrator: Here's how it works: These 2 mooks just stole a car and now they need to dump it.
Narrator: So, they go to the neighborhood chop shop,
Narrator: to try and get the best price.
Sal: What?
Narrator: Sal's the guy they got to talk to.
Narrator: But whoever said there was an honor among thieves, never meet this rat bastard.
Sal: 50 bucks.
Thug #2: 50 bucks? Come on, man!
Sal: It's 50 bucks. Take it or leave it.
Miguel Porras: Over the last several years, the rate of stolen vehicles per year has been about nine hundred thousand, you're talking about 6.4 billion dollars per year...
Miguel Porras: in stolen vehicles and parks.
Narrator: Sal screwed them good.
Narrator: The car was a Junker but the engine was a jewel. A 550 horsepower crate engine...
Narrator: with modified aluminum headers. He can get 600. Easy.
Sal: Idiots! (Laughs)
Narrator: Chop shop Sal got to chopping. Besides ripping off other criminals, Sal had another talent: for his trusty acetylene torch in hand, he can reduce a full car to pieces in minutes. Carving an engine out of this heap of scrap metal was kid's play. But even chop shops have to deal with the realities of global economy: The motor was made in USA, the chain holding it up...made in Mainland China.
Dr. Bal Raj: With 700 pounds landing on someone's chest, this severe blunt force would cause our ribs to fracture,
Dr. Bal Raj: our heart and lungs be squashed, it would even cause our eyes to pop out.
Dr. Bal Raj: As well as significant internal bleeding and immediate death.
Narrator: Sal was a bottom-feeding crook who liked to jerk people's chains.
Sal: 50 bucks.
Narrator: But in this one-man chop shop, Sal found out the hard way.
Narrator: He was his own…weak link.
| Little Chop Of Horrors |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Little Person, Big Death
"Little Person, Big Death", Way to Die #332, is the fourth death featured in "Putting a Happy Face on Death", which aired on December 30, 2009.
Plot.
Two dwarf professional wrestlers named Spud and Nick battle for a crowd and get paid a lot of money. They celebrate by getting drunk and having sex with some women. The drunk dwarves destroy everything in their hotel room in an effort to impress the women. They finish off by running head-on into a wall, trying to break it. Nick breaks through, but Spud hits the part of the wall supported by a 2x4 stud, and the veins inside his head burst. He dies from a combination of brain swelling and internal bleeding.
"Spud was a big man in a small world, but in the face-off with a stud, he came up short."
Transcript.
Spud: Ready for the grand finale?
Spud: Wooo! Yeah! Three, two, one, go!
Narrator: Spud was a big man in a small world, but in the face-off with a stud, he came up short.
Quotes.
"Ready for the grand finale? *...* Wooo! Yeah! Three, two, one, go!" -Spud's last spoken words before his "grand finale".
| Little Person, Big Death |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Locked and Low Dead
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Locked and Low Dead.
"1000 Ways to Die" Episode 66.
Originally aired February 29, 2012.
Title reference: Play-on words for the phrase "Locked and Loaded".
-- This is the Original Episode --
Gone Green.
Way to Die #612
On March 26, 2007, in Los Angeles, CA. A rich socialite throws a St. Patrick's Day party and plans to show off the $3000 antique green dress she shoplifted, which contains Paris Green dye (a poisonous dye containing a chemical common in rat poison). During the raucous party, everyone gets drunk and hurls champagne all over the socialite and her dress. In the morning, while everyone wakes up with severe hangovers, she wakes up to find that she's been dyed green, then vomits green slime and dies of organ failure from the dye seeping into her skin.
Alt names - Fashion Victim
Dead Kacynski.
Way to Die #374
On October 11, 2003, in Elko, NV. A misanthropic nihilist who's a conspiracy theorist and domestic terrorist lives off the grid in a home powered by car batteries. When his girlfriend doesn't agree with his evil plans of firebombing a federal court, he evicts her, and then begins to write his chronicle on his mimeograph. When he powers the device, a spark from the poorly grounded spark plugs cause the multiple car batteries to explode, burning the man with sulfuric acid from the batteries and breaking multiple bones in the blast.
Alt names - Dead Battery
Die Jump.
Way to Die #228
On September 15, 1998, in Summerhill, GA. A sexy, manipulative amateur actress is chosen for a local commercial, but a businessman won't hire her unless she can demonstrate her ability to high-jump. The actress clears the bar, but misses the mat and hits the ground. She gets up, allegedly fine from her fall, until she gets plowed down by a track runner and dies when her spinal cord (which had a hairline fracture from her mat miss) shatters and dislocates, shutting down her nervous system and function in her heart and lungs.
Alt names - Track and Heel
Cop Out.
Way to Die #107
On April 30, 2007, Little Rock, AR. A corrupt cop is sent to supervise teens doing community service and washing away graffiti. The bored cop decides to get high off of their paint thinner, and emerges from his car in a delusional rage, pointing his gun at the teens. When he drops it and goes to pick it up, the gun goes off, accidentally shooting himself in the head and blasting his brains out, killing him instantly.
Alt names - High Authority
Note: This segment is otherwise known as "Maniac Cop"
Lazy Bumday.
Way to Die #914
On January 5, 2001, in Homestead, FL. A lazy, overweight scammer who has been confined to a wheelchair from his ankles breaking pretends to be a crippled Gulf War veteran for money. After coming home to his slovenly house from his latest con, the man begins itching violently and discovers several maggots feasting on his infected bedsores. As the man freaks out, he collapses and dies—not from the maggots eating him alive, but from massive heart failure caused by years of poor dieting and no exercise.
Alt names - Dirty Rotting Scoundrel
Note: This segment is otherwise known as "Filthy Dirty Thief"
Trivia: This segment has also been used for "Top 100 Deaths".
White Wetting.
Way to Die #246 (Note: This is the second death to have this number)
On December 4, 2005, in Woonsocket, RI. A drug addict who smoked PCP-laced cigarettes wreaks havoc at a local grocery store, where he plays bowling with the paper towels, knocks over several displays, and declares himself "The Meat Man" while wandering through the deli section. When his mischief attracts the store security guard, he is chased through the store, slips, and slides into a stack of beer kegs, which fall on him and crush his skull (the pain of which the addict couldn't feel because of the anesthetic effects of the PCP).
Alt names - Flay-Ote
Sun Burnt.
Way to Die #631
On November 11, 2009, in El Segundo, CA. A sociopathic geek creates a concentrated death ray by covering a parabolic dish with tin foil. When he places it out in the sun to experiment, he successfully burns insects, tricks his apartment neighbor into putting his hand in the ray's path, and attempts to heat a can of beans. When the can explodes, the force knocks the geek out, and he falls forward into the path of the heat beam, which burns his skull and melts his brain.
Alt names - Laser's Edge
Visit the 1000 Ways to Die website at: www.spike.com/shows/1000-ways-to-die.
| Locked and Low Dead |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Lost In Transfusion
"Lost In Transfusion", Way to Die #458, is the fourth death featured in "Dead Before They Know It", which aired on March 23, 2011.
Plot.
In order to beat a company drug test, a cocaine-addicted crane operator named Ramon injects himself with blood that matches his type, stolen by his girlfriend who works as a hospital cook. However, he does not listen because he was high when she warns him to warm the blood before injecting it. He stores the blood in the refrigerator overnight before injecting it in the bathroom moments before his drug test. Once the cold blood enters his body, Ramon is killed instantly from fibrillation and tachycardia.
Alternative Description.
Description as seen on Spike TV's website
"A man gets a DIY blood transfusion to pass a drug test, but dies after warming up the blood in the microwave."
| Lost In Transfusion |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Love Bugged
"Love Bugged", Way to Die #125, is the fifth death featured in "Life Will Kill You", which aired on May 14, 2008.
Plot.
Meet Mark Vogal, or what's left of him. As paramedics carry his decomposed body out of his suburban Paris home, it's important not to feel pity for his lost soul. This death should be filed under "What In God's Name Was He Thinking?".
Mr. Vogal was a classic recluse, preferring the creepy and the crawly over his fellow man. Mark made a meager living dealing snakes, lizards and insects on a shady black market for exotic pets. These creatures were his constant companions, several were deadly and not to be taken lightly.
But it was his fascination for the smallest of his friends that led to his ultimate demise. Mark so loved his black widow spider he gave it a name; Elvira, and he longed to get closer to his tiny femme fatale. Snake handlers are often bit so many times, they built up an immunity. Mark thought he could do the same thing, so one fateful day, he lowered his arm into Elvira's home and took her best shot.
Within an hour of being bit, Mark began experiencing all the symptoms associated with a black widow bite, starting with severe stomach pains. His body was now in a free fall of failing health. Mark foolishly chose to ride out his condition. His reward: a fatal heart attack. Sending this dumb, animal selling black marketer to hell. With Mark in hell, we now get the answer to the question, "What In God's Name Was He Thinking!?" In his delirium, he released his gruesome menagerie of pets.
It would be two weeks before his rotting stench brought the French police to his door. In a stroke of irony, Mark ensured the survival of his pets while engineering his own death. The snakes, bugs and lizards were kept alive by feeding on their master's lifeless flesh.
""As soon as he subjected himself to the black widow's deadly toxin, like the hourglass imprinted on it's underbelly, Mark's time began running out, with death the only outcome"."
Transcript.
Narrator: Meet Mark Vogal... or what's left of him. As paramedics carry his decomposed body out of his suburban Paris home, it's important not to feel pity for his lost soul. This death should be filed under "What In God's Name Was He Thinking?".
Narrator: Mr. Vogal was a classic recluse, preferring the creepy and the crawly over his fellow man.
Narrator: Mark made a meager living dealing snakes, lizards and insects on a shady black market for exotic pets. These creatures were his constant companions, several were deadly and not to be taken lightly.
Narrator: But it was his fascination for the smallest of his friends that led to his ultimate demise.
Narrator: Mark so loved his black widow spider he gave it a name; Elvira, and he longed to get closer to his tiny femme fatale.
Narrator: Snake handlers are often bit so many times, they built up an immunity. Mark thought he could do the same thing, so one fateful day, he lowered his arm into Elvira's home...
Narrator: and took her best shot.
Narrator: Within an hour of being bit, Mark began experiencing all the symptoms associated with a black widow bite, starting with severe stomach pains. His body was now in a free fall of failing health.
Dr. Cyrus Rangan: You're gonna feel a lot of pain initially, because it is a very painful bite, and then the pain will start to sort of track up the arm, and get toward more on core of your body.
Dr. Cyrus Rangan: And the pain itself will start to spread throughout the rest of your body as well. And it'll concentrate a lot of the large muscle groups that you have. One of the most interesting places where you see a lot of a pain and rigidity and stiffness is right there in the abdominal muscles. So, sometimes these patients coming, they actually look like they're having a pennaceous or maybe a bowel structures or something like that. Primarily what the venom contains is a neurotoxin, so you can get a number of different symptoms that conclude pain, and numbness and tingling, and also nausea and vomiting, and diarrhea, all these sins happen in same time, lot of sweating as well, and ignition to racing heart, and very high spikes in the blood pressures. So, these are the reasons that our patient may actually have a bad outcome, such as death. When they actually bleeding into the brain or they actually have a heart attack because of all these other symptoms that appear.
Dr. Cyrus Rangan: We always advice that no matter what happens to you when you bit by a black widow, just get to the hospital as soon as possible.
Narrator: Mark foolishly chose to ride out his condition. His reward: a fatal heart attack.
Narrator: In his delirium, he released his gruesome menagerie of pets.
Narrator: It would be two weeks before his rotting stench brought the French police to his door.
French Police Officers: (Cough)
Narrator: In a stroke of irony, Mark ensured the survival of his pets while engineering his own death. The snakes, bugs and lizards were kept alive by feeding on their master's lifeless flesh. As soon as he subjected himself to the black widow's deadly toxin, like the hourglass imprinted on its underbelly, Mark's time began running out, with death the only outcome.
| Love Bugged |
fandom.1000waystodie | # M-R-Ouch!
"M-R-Ouch!", Way to Die #485, is the first death to be featured in "Up With Death", which aired on December 16, 2009.
Plot.
A drug addict breaks into the hospital to look for drugs. When former Army nurse Chelsea encounters him, he orders her to get drugs. Chelsea gives him a dose of painkillers to make him unconscious. But instead, it made him attracted to her. Suddenly, Chelsea lures him to the MRI machine and tricks him by first stripping off her clothes and then pressing the "ON" button, knowing that the magnetic force is five times stronger than a scrapyard magnet. The MRI manages to disarm the addict by magnetizing his gun. However, the addict has had a steel plate in his skull. When the MRI attracts the steel, the man slams into the machine damaging his brain, and he dies. Sending the drug addict to Hell, where he won't be using drugs anymore. Chelsea is free from him, due to his death.
"Turns out our drug addict was damaged goods."
Transcript.
Narrator: Turns out our drug addict was damaged goods.
Narrator: This could have had a much different ending, but Chelsea was cool as a cucumber... with a hot jalapeno body.
| M-R-Ouch! |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Macdeath
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"Macdeath", Way to Die #615, is the first death to be featured in "Better Them Than Us", which aired on March 16, 2011.
Plot.
A retired dot com company millionaire and current narcissistic owner of a theater named Franklin assigns himself as the lead role in a play he's producing. While doing a flying scene with another actor who portrayed another pirate, the holster holding him up is unable to hold his weight, causing it to break. The frayed edge of the cord then unwinds and races through the system of pulleys at over 700 Mph(1120 km/h), passing through the air and slashing Franklin's jugular vein, much to the shock of the actress who portrayed a princess.
Transcript.
Narrator: There's a lesson here, kids: Money isn't everything. Having enough common sense to not make yourself the star of your own show and fly around until you kill yourself? Priceless.
| Macdeath |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Mail Order Fried
"Mail Order Fried", Way to Die #284, is the sixth death to be featured in "Hurry Up and Die", which aired on October 26, 2010.
Plot.
Melvin was a mean and nasty mailman who not only delivered the mail, but also "read" it. One night, he moonlighted as a dunk tank target at a local carnival. He was able to embarrass the people he delivered the mail to so much (Ex. mail order bride, herpes, anorexia, aniconic son, etc) that they kept on missing the target. However, Melvin picked the wrong dunk tank because this one came equipped with a fuse box to keep the water warm. Over time, the balls repeatedly hit the fuse box for the tank's water heater, damaging the wiring until it made contact with the water, electrifying it. Then, a new customer, Daniel Phan, took a turn (Melvin only knew his name, but didn't know he spent two years playing baseball in Japan) and landed a perfect bulls-eye. Melvin falls into the tank and is electrocuted to death.
Transcript.
Narrator: Mel was a mean and nasty mailman. If he was able to read the last letter sent by the staff of 1000 Ways to Die, he'd be shocked. Dear Mel, YOU'RE DEAD!
| Mail Order Fried |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Main Page
| Main Page |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Malcolm X'd
| Malcolm X'd |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Marine Mashed
| Marine Mashed |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Mary-nated
"Mary-nated", Way to Die #145, is the fifth death to be featured in "", which aired on December 8, 2010.
Plot.
The Longfellow couple hired Mary Mallon as their cook. What they don't know is that Mary was a killer. She has been suffering from typhoid fever. She is also a healthy carrier and infected other people by placing germs on her food that she cooks, and on the utensils. Her nickname was "Typhoid Mary". After being served, the Longfellows dig in and began to feel symptoms of typhoid fever. Over the next four weeks, the typhoid fever took action on the couple causing diarrhea and vomiting before finally, the Longfellows became Typhoid Mary's second and third victims and died.
Transcript.
Narrator: In 1908, if you could afford it, you hired a private cook. The Longfellows felt lucky to have Mary. She was a hardworker who kept their kitchen going and their stomach's full.
Narrator: What they didn't know:
Narrator: Mary was a killer...! She was wanted by the authorities for the death of a house full of member of her last job.
Mary: I forgot to give you a knife for the next course.
Narrator: She was the kind of a killer the world hadn't seen before. Instead of a knife or a gun, Mary used an invisible weapon: bacteria. You might recognize her by her more infamous name: "" Mary.
Andre Wakefield: Typhoid Mary, otherwise known as , was famous as the first healthy carrier of the bacterium, . She...infected dozens of people, before she was finally at er, .
Narrator: Mary had no idea she was a killer, being a healthy carrier of the typhoid bacteria, meant she would never get a disease herself. She just infected others.
Andre Wakefield: Typhoid fever is generally contracted under unsanitary conditions, that is it's carrying in the feces and the urine...of the carrier's, and it's transmitted to other people.
Narrator: The only way to get typhoid was through contact with infected fecal matter. Mary was...hands-on in that department.
Narrator: Not long after hiring her, the unsuspecting Longfellows were feeling early symptoms of typhoid.
Dr. Robert Winters: During the first week we see fever, nausea, vomiting and severe diarrhea.
Dr. Robert Winters: During the second and third week, other organs become involved. Including liver, lung, heart and brain.
Dr. Robert Winters: As the infection continues, untreated, these organs become more and more damaged, and by week 4, someone would pass to the point to no return, and people ultimately die from untreated typhoid fever.
Narrator: The Longfellows were marry 2nd and 3rd victims,
Narrator: she infected a total of 53 people before health officials finally caught up to her.
Narrator: After , she died of .
Narrator: Mary might have been immune to the typhoid she carried,
Narrator: but nobody can beat the biggest bug of all...death.
| Mary-nated |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Mary Lou Rectum
"Mary Lou Rectum", Way to Die #755, is the second death to be featured in "The One About Dumb People Dying", which aired on February 8, 2011.
Plot.
Andrea, who was a very bitter gymnast who lost her chances at being an Olympic star, and her beleaguered partner, Sally, practice in the gym for a Las Vegas show. After belittling Sally on her trampoline skills, Andrea, who said "Watch me because this is how you do it!"... and then attempts to dismount off the trampoline herself with a backflip. Unfortunately for her and fortunately for Sally and all of us tired of her bitch-a-thon BS, she lands on top of one of the supports for the parallel bars (which was left out by a worker trying to fix the bars; he told them it needs a few minutes to be ready but Andrea wouldn't listen) between her rectum and vaginal opening and fatally impales herself, and she dies, leaving Sally terrified.
| Mary Lou Rectum |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Master E-Raced
"Master E-Raced", Way to Die #744, is the seventh and last death featured in "Killing Them Softly", which aired on March 9, 2011.
Plot.
It's 1945 and World War II is drawing to a close. A Nazi soldier named Dieter runs down a flight of stairs to escape from an American soldier, but is caught by the soldier and shot in the head. Unbeknownst to the soldier, Deiter survived and 50 years later in 1995, he is alive and well, living in Brooklyn, New York where he and his wife Gertrude, live in secrecy after hooking up with an underground Nazi relocation network named Odessa. Dieter argues with his wife Gertrude, when she doesn't put enough milk in his oatmeal, and goes to the refrigerator to get some milk himself.
Dieter accidentally bumps his head on the freezer door when he bends over, causing the bullet (which had lodged itself beside an important blood vessel) to dislodge and sever the blood vessel, causing internal hemorrhaging in his brain and death.
Transcript.
Narrator: It's 1945, and WW2 was drawing to a close.
Narrator: The Americans were doing what they did best: kicking Nazi butt. This SS scum put up a good fight,
Narrator: but he was no match for a red-blooded American bullet in the head.
Narrator: But the German wasn't dead...!
Narrator: 50 years later, he was alive and well. And living out his days as an American citizen in Brooklyn, New York. Say hello to Dieter.
Narrator: After the war, he hooked up with an underground Nazi relocation network, called ODESSA (1946-).
Dieter: "Es ist Superhaus." (It's superhouse.)
Gertrude: (Sighs)
John Prudhont: In 1946, ODESSA was created,
John Prudhont: but there were other smuggling networks, that uh... pre-existed at the end of the war. Many of the Schutzstaffel or SS, uh... were relocated to Latin America. And from there they were able to obtain new identities and they were able to migrate anywhere.
Dieter: "Gats miner gutta for dat nomao!" ()
Narrator: Even after all these years, Dieter was still one, sour, kraut.
Dieter: "By e gutta, nicht genug milch kanoon!" (Not enough milk!)
Narrator: The master racist made an angry milk run to the fridge...
Dieter: Ouf!
Gertrude: "Barritissien viengetach!" ()
Narrator: and never made it back.
Gertrude: "(Unverständlich) Dummkopf! (Unverständlich)" ((Inaudible) You fool! (Inaudible))
Narrator: When Dieter was shot,
Narrator: the bullet penetrated his skull and wound up right next to a major artery in his brain. For 50 years, it waited to finish the job.
Dieter: Ouf!
Narrator: Dieter's head knock finally did the trick.
Dr. Pavel Bindra: There was an important blood vessel just by the bullet: when this man got another hit to the head, the bullet dislodged and it severed the blood vessel, it affected brain function, it caused some bleeding and he died.
Narrator: Dieter thought he had cheated death,
Narrator: but the former Nazi had no idea death can be so patient.
Dieter: Ouf!
Narrator: As for the bullet in his head,
Narrator: it was just... *in German accent* following orders.
Gertrude: "Dummkopf!" (You fool!)
| Master E-Raced |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Mastur-Bitten
| Mastur-Bitten |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Mastur-bitten
"Mastur-bitten", Way to Die #250, is the seventh and final death featured in the episode "A New App Called Death", which aired on April 2, 2012.
Plot.
Palmer Muncie is a greedy, perverted con-man impersonating a state health inspector as part of a statewide scam. He goes to local hotels and motels on inspection days, and defrauds them with this tactic; He tells the gullible hotel owner that he works alone, before going into a room and masturbates in it to taint the area with his semen. Then, he shows the stains under a black light, threatening to shut their hotel down to extort money from them.
At one local motel, Palmer manages to swindle the employees and get a free night. That night, he goes to sleep with his black light still glowing.
Little did he know, the room Palmer inspected was infested with Arizona bark scorpions (which glow under a black light). The scorpions crawled onto Palmer's bed before stinging him. The venom immediately began shutting down his autonomic nervous system, killing him within seconds.
Transcript.
Narrator: Palmer was a disgusting pervert who squeezed himself...and then motel owners. After a tiring day of self-abuse, he had a nice sleep...and then a bite. Ta-ta, freak!
| Mastur-bitten |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Me So Hornet
"Me So Hornet", Way to Die #199, is the fourth death to be featured in "Unforced Errors", which aired on February 8, 2009.
Plot.
Meet JT. He wants to be drinking with his buddy, not doing garden work. But he would always stop drinking when he sees the sexy Trixie, his wife. Blonde hair, pink shirt and blue shorts make her look sexy, and so does her butt. Problem is, JT needs to shoot out the hornet's nest which was hiding in their garden.
JT needs to have sex with Trixie who has loved him, so he decides to get rid of the hornet's nest. A rake is the only weapon. He fails, but he lives in Texas. As they say, "If you fail, hit the gun rack". JT decides to use it. His paintball gun.
The hornet's nest comes off. Good news - the hornet nest is off, so JT can have sex with Trixie. Bad news - the hornets attack him. And even worse news - he doesn't know that he has a fatal allergy to hornet stings. He quickly goes into anaphylactic shock. Anaphylactic shock (or anaphylaxis) dilates his blood pressure and swells his airway to the throat and lungs - breathing then became impossible. Eventually, a now-widowed Trixie screams upon seeing her now deceased husband.
Transcript.
Narrator: Like most guys in Texas, JT would rather be on drinking with his buddies than doing the yardwork.
Narrator: But he was no match for his smoking hot wife, Trixie.
JT: Oh, I gotta go! Oh, Trixie, ma'am! Taking a bottle break heres off.
Trixie: Do you like what you had last night?
JT: Hell yeah, I did...
Trixie: Are you horny for this right here?
JT: Yeah, baby, I'm horny for some of that.
Trixie: Alright. Put your sing your way and get rid of that hornet's nest now. Deal with it.
JT: You're my queen!
Narrator: Threatening to turn off the Mickey nuzzle was more than JT could bear. It was time to go to war.
JT: ...Doing my business... Come on! Come on!!
Steven Kutcher: There're few hundred hornets in this nest, you have to understand that insects do an important job than nature whether they're harmful to us because... we make the mistake to disturbing their nest or being in a place that they wanna be...
JT: Come on!
Narrator: JT was striking out with the hornet. But this was Texas.
JT: Come on!
Narrator: When all those fails,
JT: Dammit!
Narrator: hit the gun rack.
Narrator: Being more of a suburban cowboy, JT came back out of the clutching his weapon of choice: a paintball gun.
JT: Alright. You think you can come play me and see me horny humping my wife? Well, eat paint buggo!
JT: Yeah!! Oh! Yeah! Who's the man? Who's the- Oh, f**k!
Narrator: JT should've thought first and shot later.
Narrator: When threatened, hornets mobilize their entire nest to sting in defense. The first hornet in sprays him with a long pheromone. The other hornet used the center of the pheromone, to zero in on their target.
JT: Ow! Ow! Aah! Oh, no!
Narrator: JT didn't know a lot about anything. Including himself. For example, he had no idea he was allergic to bee venom. He had a severe reaction called anaphylaxis.
Narrator: And collapsed.
Narrator: Covered with a weld from 100 hornet stings. What this means is,
Narrator: his blood vessels dilated causing a drop and blood pressure. The airway to his throat and lungs became swollen, making breathing impossible.
Narrator: He quickly went to shock and never recovered.
Trixie: (Screams)
Narrator: JT died a noble gunman,
Trixie: Baby?
Narrator: fighting for the booty rights for his Texas maiden.
Trixie: Baby?
Narrator: Happy trails, cowboy.
| Me So Hornet |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Meat Your Maker
"Meat Your Maker", Way to Die #372, is the fourth death featured in "Tweets From the Dead", which aired March 26, 2012.
Plot.
Two unrelated thieves named Ramirez and Marco attempt to loot a meat truck. Marco gets in the back to loot the meat, but is locked in by the driver. Ramirez hijacks the truck, unaware that another thief is in the back. When he is tipped off to the cops, he makes a getaway on the truck, swerving constantly. While swerving, Marco in the back is rattled around until he gets impaled in the throat by a meat hook causing his death from massive hemorrhaging. As soon as Ramirez is arrested after pulling over the truck, the police officer opens the rear portion of the truck, only to discover Marco's bloody corpse, much to the horror of the officer and Ramirez.
Transcript.
Marco: Stop the truck!!!
Policeman: What do you have, huh?
Ramirez: Man, it's just meat, man. Calm down.
Policeman: Oh yeah?
Narrator: It turns out Ramirez was right; nothing in the back... but dead meat.
Dr. Jeffrey Lake:
Narrator: Death: It's what for dinner.
| Meat Your Maker |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Mercury in Uranus
"Mercury in Uranus", Way to Die #599, is the first death to be featured in "Gratefully Dead", which aired on January 13, 2010.
Plot.
A frequent hospital patient named Carl Dunbar who pleasures himself by sticking common objects up his booty bungle returns when he claims to have gotten a shampoo bottle stuck in his rectum by slipping in the shower. While left alone after the bottle is removed, Carl finds a drawer containing glass rectal mercury thermometers and shoves nine of them taped together up his bean burrito. When startled by the doctor, Carl jumps back on the bed and breaks the thermometers while they are still inside of him, causing him to die of internal bleeding and mercury poisoning.
"Even while recovering from his latest anal escapade, Carl was desperate for more probing. A single thermometer wouldn't do much for Carl's crater. But 9 of them taped together might be the perfect fit for Carl's bad cavern. He took the plunge with his makeshift masher. 9 thermometers going in and out his keister was making Carl perfectly...ass-inine."
Transcript.
Narrator: There's clearly something wrong with Carl Dunbar.
Nurse: Well, Mr. Dunbar. What was it this time.
Narrator: Carl is one of those freaks who couldn't stop sticking things where the sun don't shine.
Nurse: Shampoo bottle!
Carl: I. slipped. in. the. shower...
Nurse: This is the 3rd time in 5 months that you've, "slipped in the shower".
Carl: I'm. sorry.!
Nurse: Let me take a look.
Narrator: Even while recovering from his latest anal escapade, Carl was desperate for more probing. A single thermometer wouldn't do much for Carl's crater. But 9 of them taped together might be the perfect fit for Carl's bad cavern. He took the plunge with his makeshift masher. 9 thermometers going in and out his keister was making Carl perfectly...ass-inine.
Nurse: Are you okay? are you in pain?
Nurse: Oh my god!
Narrator: Did he die? He really rectum-self.
| Mercury in Uranus |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Mexi-Can't
"Mexi-Can't", Way to Die #477, is the sixth death featured in "Crying Over Spilled Blood", which aired on July 15, 2012.
Plot.
Dan attempts to break his friend Jarrett out of a Mexican jail after the latter was arrested for making a pass on the mayor's 13-year-old daughter. Dan hatches a plan to break Jarrett out of the jail. He attaches one end of a heavy duty cable to his car and the other end to the bars on the wall in an attempt to rip the bars off of the wall. However, instead of ripping the bars, the cable snaps with such force that it decapitates Dan, killing him instantly, ending his rescue mission as a failure, much to the horror of Jarrett.
Transcript.
Narrator: Not much happens in this sleepy little hell hole south of the border.
Narrator: That is until Dan rolls into town.
Narrator: His buddy Jarrett's in jail for making a pass at the mayor's 13 year old daughter.
Dan: Psst!
-Jarrett: Dude, you gotta get me out of here! My cellmate, he wanted to oil me up and lick me and he told me I had pretty ice and he wanted to take a shower with me!<br>
-Dan: That's disgusting!
Narrator: Jarrett needs to get out of the slammer. Dan's a man with a plan.
Dan: Trust me, you got it all figured out. I saw this in a movie once, alright? I'll be right back.
-Narrator: Dan takes some heavy duty cable and he hitches it up to 350 horses.<br>
-Jarrett: Go, go, go!
Dan: Come on, come on... Come on, c'mon, c'mon...!
Narrator: Something gives...but it's not the jail bars.
Dan: (Moans)
David Svoboda: When the cable snapped back with such incredible force, it severed the spine, decapitating him like a weed whacker to a dandelion on the front lawn.
Jarrett: Dude, you gotta get me out of here!
Narrator: Dan tried to spring his friend from jail, but it didn't work out.
Dan: (Moans)
-Jarrett: (Screams) Oh my god...<br>
-Narrator: Jarrett stayed put.
Narrator: And Dan went head over... wheels.
| Mexi-Can't |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Michael Jacked-Soon
| Michael Jacked-Soon |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Michael Kurtz
Dr. Michael Kurtz, DO is a Sports Medicine Specialist in Garden Grove, CA and has over 43 years of experience in the medical field. He graduated from Des Moines University in 1979. He is affiliated with medical facilities Long Beach Memorial Medical Center and Los Alamitos Medical Center.
| Michael Kurtz |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Micro-Whacked
"Micro-Whacked", Way to Die #539, is the third death to be featured in "Death Watch", which aired on January 27, 2010.
Plot.
A drug addict named Dennis abused everything from pain killers to antidepressants to cocaine to crystal meth.
"There was no substance that he hadn't, or wouldn't, abuse. His brains weren't just fried, they were burnt to a crisp."
Dennis, being the poster boy for what not to do, tries a random combination of drugs each night. One night, Dennis takes a combination of pills that drastically slows down his perception of time. Dennis tries to talk on the phone, but they can't keep up with him. He tries to listen to music, but with his perception of time skewed, it's also too slow. Finally, Dennis tries to watch his lava lamp. Not moving fast enough for him, Dennis decides to put the lava lamp in the microwave. After a few minutes of microwaving, the lava lamp explodes and Dennis is killed by a combination of the boiling hot liquid and the shards of glass embedded in his head and his skull, thus silencing the impatient speed freak, permanently.
"It was an overdose of bad."
Quotes.
"Oh, yeah. Boil, baby! Boil!" -Dennis yelling at his microwave to cook his lava lamp, right before it explodes and kills him.
| Micro-Whacked |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Micro-whacked
| Micro-whacked |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Midnight Choker
"Midnight Choker", Way to Die #625, is the fifth death to be featured in "Death Over Easy", which aired on February 8, 2009.
Plot.
Sonny would love to perform a trick for his fellow bikers when he visited the bar. He would swallow a pool ball, and then attempt to regurgitate the ball out of his mouth. Unfortunately this time, he swallowed the cue ball, and it got stuck in his trachea. Because the cue ball is slightly larger than all the other pool balls, he was unable to get the ball out resulting in death by choking... And 9-1-1 won't be any help.
"He picked up the cue ball. Bad move, Sonny. He got the ball down his throat, but when he tried to squeeze it back up... that's when things turned ugly."
| Midnight Choker |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Mile Die Club
"Mile Die Club", Way to Die #559, is the third death to be featured in "Waking Up Dead", which aired on February 3, 2010.
Plot.
"Over my dead body you're getting on that plane, you hear that?" -Nigel
"Wishful thinking." -Naomi
Nigel was an abusive, misogynistic pig of a husband who was trying to stop Naomi, his soon-to-be ex-wife from leaving him by climbing into the cargo bay of his wife's plane (which he was easily able to do, as airport security prior to the September 11, 2001 attacks was not as tight) while his wife threw away her wedding ring before boarding. Nigel was unaware at first but when the door was sealed, so was his fate. The atmospheric temperature drops as the plane rises. His skin was also freezing as he screamed for help when nobody came to his aid and the plane was at the cruising height, and by -50 degrees Fahrenheit, he eventually dies of hypothermia and asphyxia, sending this cold-hearted bastard to hell, and also bringing his abuse literally to a dead stop.
| Mile Die Club |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Mine Over Splatter
"Mine Over Splatter", Way To Die #337, is the third death to be featured in "Death On A Stick", which aired on August 3, 2010.
Plot.
Three former Viet Cong soldiers and Vietnam War veterans with PTSD are arguing about what is the best aphrodisiac and decide to settle the score once and for all by playing Russian roulette. The three all dodge the bullet in the gun they use for the game and feel so invincible that they stomp the ground in triumph.
Little did the they know that their hut was built on an unexploded landmine planted during the Vietnam war. The stomping triggers it, causing it to detonate. The explosion destroyed their shack and blasted them into pieces which rain onto the ground.
Transcript.
Narrator: These 'Once Upon a Time' warriors were feeling invincible. But sometimes your number comes up in unexpected ways. For these three, that number was 35,000.
Narrator: For some soldiers, the war is never over. For these guys, they should have quit while they were ahead, and an arm and a leg... you get the picture.
| Mine Over Splatter |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Miner Injuries
"Miner Injuries", Way to Die #240, is the sixth death to be featured in "", which aired on August 29, 2011.
Plot.
Travis was a mining foreman who demonstrated the backbreaking inhumanity of working during the early 20th century. While his 49ers work gruelingly, Travis tells them to work harder, as he brags about his handsome mustache. But, one of his workers gets sick and starts coughing blood, so Travis decides to do the work all by himself. Another one of the workers smells methane and warns his coworkers and Travis, but Travis ends up ignoring and backtalking him and swings his pickax right into a pocket of methane.
The spark given off by his pickax hitting the rocks ignites the pocket and sends smoldering rocks and a methane-explosion of blistering magnitude into his body, killing him.
Transcript.
Narrator: Coal, is the big daddy of energy resources. It produces 40% of the world electricity, and there's 4 times more coal on Earth than oil and gas combined. Nowadays, mining is strictly regulated.
Narrator: But back in 1920s, labor laws was so lacks of coal miner was lucky to make it to his 35th birthday.
Worker: Let's get her out of here.
Narrator: Travis, was like most mining foreman of the day:
Travis: HEY! Still that thing up now and move it.
Narrator: brutally harsh on his workers and greedy.
Ben Shearin: Over the past century, in the US alone, there's been... a total of 592... tragic incidents that have taken place inside the mine. Resulting nearly 13,000 fatalities.
Narrator: Travis cared about only one thing: squeezing more production out of his employees.
Travis: All of you need to work little harder.
Travis: Well... MOVE IT!!
Worker 2: Yes, sir!
Narrator: And God help you if you got sick.
Travis: Are you not belong the job?
Worker: He's sick, boss.
Travis: WHAT PAY YOU GUYS FOR?!! Since nobody else can do around here, I'll do it!!! Dammit!
Narrator: That's when Travis discovered just how dangerous coal mining can be.
Worker: (Smells) It's methane!
Worker: Boss, you don't wanna do that!!
Travis: Don't you tell me what to do, boy!!!
Aria Anne: There's a lot of different toxic gases in mines. There's hydrogen sulfide, carbon monoxide and methane. Methane, at very low concentrations is highly flammable. At between 5 to 15%. Any source of heat, will cause an explosion.
Narrator: A spark from the pickax,
Narrator: ignited a Methane gas pocket. Rock fragments smash his skull.
Narrator: Travis died from massive hemorrhaging, but no need for his funeral. He is already... 6,000 feet, under.
| Miner Injuries |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Miss-Ur Head
| Miss-Ur Head |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Miss-ur Head
"Miss-ur Head", Way to Die #402, is the sixth death to be featured in "Dead Before They Know It", which aired on March 23, 2011.
Plot.
A French criminal named Nicholas Davilliers is beheaded by a guillotine. The guillotine slices through his neck and Nicholas dies from lack of oxygen to the brain. Sending the cold-blooded murder and rapist to hell where he belongs, bringing his crimes to an end. A scientist named Nathaniel then picks up the head to see if it still alive so he can prove that the guillotine is an inhumane way of execution. He believed that after the victim's head gets cut off by the guillotine, the victim's head can live for a few minutes before dying. When Nathaniel picked up Nicholas's decapitated head, all he could get was some involuntary twitching.
Transcript.
Narrator:
Nathaniel: Nicholas!
Narrator: We've gone back and looked at executions and tortures throughout the ages. But out of all of them, the guillotine will kill you... in the blink of an eye.
Alternative Name.
Also known as "Off With Your Head" as seen on Spike TV's website
Alternative Description.
Description as seen on Spike TV's website
"A French scientist conducts an experiment to see if a head remains alive (and for how long) after being severed by a guillotine."
| Miss-ur Head |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Molly Teas
Molly Teas is an American female blonde surgeon who interviewed Out to Launch from Enter the Ferret and Namas-dead from Think Globally, Die Locally.
| Molly Teas |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Moving Violation
"Moving Violation", Way to Die #305, is the sixth death to be featured in "Stupid Is As Death Does", which aired on March 29, 2011.
Plot.
Donnie and Dickie were two ex-con movers who had no respect for people's private property. Dickie decided to steal an antique crystal flower, placing it in his left shirt pocket.
"Finally, they had one last piece to hump: a heavy, hard-to-handle armoire. After this, pawn the crystal, and off to the race track."
He and Donnie then lifted the heavy armoire into the moving truck. The latter went in the truck and started it, not knowing the former was still placing the armoire in, he loses balance and falls to the ground and is pancaked by the armoire which pushes the sharp ornamental flower through his chest and pierces his heart, and he bleeds to death. By the time Donnie got out of the truck, it was already too late, much to his and the house owner's horror upon seeing Dickie's corpse.
Transcript.
Narrator: At it’s best, moving can be one of life’s worst experiences.
Narrator: Finally, they had one last piece to hump: a heavy, hard-to-handle armoire. After this, pawn the crystal, and off to the race track.
Narrator: Dickie and Donnie were movers with larceny in their veins. They robbed their clients blind, but then Donnie forgot Dickie. And now Dickie... is deadie.
Alternative Name.
Also known as "The Long Haul" as seen on Spike TV's website
Alternative Description.
Description as seen on Spike TV's website
"A mover with no respect for property dies under an antique armoire falling from an overpacked moving truck, which crushes his head.."
| Moving Violation |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Mudder Sucked
"Mudder Sucked", Way to Die #620, is the third death to be featured in "Stupid is as Stupid Dies", which aired on September 21, 2010.
Plot.
It's Hazing Week at Eta Pi Sorority. Harriet was in charge of the new pledges. Too bad for them, she's the daughter of the marine drill instructor. After surviving a week of abuse, the pledges prepare for the final humiliation: Eta Pi's Annual Mud Wrestling match. The pledges make a mud pit, and Harriet is ready to get down and dirty. She sprays one pledge with a hose, but this pledge has some fight in her. She tosses Harriet into the mud pit. In retaliation of being challenged, Harriet grabs the pledge into the pit, and the hazing gets ugly. The pledge tries her best, but she was no match. Just as she was about to black out, the other pledges help her out. As Harriet brags on the pit, she suddenly steps onto a sinkhole (which the pledges accidentally and unknowingly built the mud pit on) and sinks into the quagmire and dies of suffocation.
"The queen bitch strutted to the center of the pit...and sank into the quagmire."
If the sorors had found a better position for the mud pit, Harriet would've continued to antagonize them. But it seems Lady Karma had other plans...
Transcript.
Narrator: It's Hazing Week at Eta Pi Sorority. Harriet was in charge of the new pledges.
Harriet: Assume the position. I said bend over!
Narrator: Too bad for them, she's the daughter of the marine drill instructor.
Narrator: Now after surviving a week of abuse, the pledges prepare for the final humiliation: Eta Pi's Annual Mud Wrestling match.
Narrator: The pledges make a mud pit,
Harriet: Hey, pledge!
Narrator: and Harriet was ready to get down and dirty.
Harriet: Gimme that.
Harriet: (Laughs)
Narrator: But one pledge had some fight in her.
Harriet: I'm going... to kill you!!
Narrator: Harriet didn't like being challenged and the hazing got ugly.
Harriet: You wanna wrestle?
Sin: There are ways to cheat during mud wrestling, for me exposing my opponent's breasts will definitely help me gain advantage. My opponent will...
Sin: let go of me try and cover themselves up and that will give me advantage to grab them and get them into submission hold that I want them in.
Narrator: The new girl did her best,
Harriet: Oh my god! Come here!
Narrator: but Harriet was soon on top, and she was going to make this slimy upstart swallow her pride.
Harriet: Eat it! Aah! Eat it!! Eat it!!!
Narrator: Just as the pledge was ready to black out, the other terrified girls pulled her away.
Harriet: Don't cry, little girl.
Narrator: The queen bitch strutted to the center of the pit...
Harriet: I'm the queen! You suc- Woah...!!
Harriet: Uh-oh... Ah! Oh, no!! (SCREAMS FOR HELP)
Narrator: and sank into the quagmire.
Narrator: Harriet's Etta Pi sorority sisters had unwittingly built their wrestling pit over an underground sinkhole.
James Sadd: That spot must have been located right over a pre-existing cavern, with a very thin roof. Over time the water would add weight, it would soften the rock and finally the roof of the sinkhole would have collapsed. She would have been buried by tons of mud. And that would have pressed in on her chest, eventually, she would have suffocated.
Harriet: Bend over!
Narrator: Harriet enjoyed making her pledges' lives a living hell...
Harriet: I hate you!
Harriet: (Screams for help)
Narrator: until hell...
Narrator: decided to swallow her whole.
| Mudder Sucked |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Muffed Dive
"Muffed Dive", Way to Die #329, is the third death to be featured in "Wait, Don't Tell Me – You're Dead", which aired on August 15, 2011.
Plot.
A former Olympic diver named Brandon (Deacon Bray) gets kicked off the national team for abusing drugs, now works as a manager at a municipal pool, where he's more interested in impressing MILFs, single cougars, and middle-aged divorcees than actually doing work. While out on a date with one of his targets, he dives into the pool but hits his head on a floating chlorine dispenser, causing death from head trauma and drowning, leaving the divorcee horrified.
Transcript.
Narrator: Brandon was a bitter almost Olympian. He spent his time being a jerk and charming the local action out of their bikinis. Until one night, he scored a perfect 10 in death...dive.
| Muffed Dive |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Murerderous Misery
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<timestamp>2013-03-12T18:10:50Z</timestamp>
<contributor>
<username>JamesTherHAMPMaster</username>
</contributor>
<comment>JamesTherHAMPMaster moved page Murerderous Misery to Murderous Misery: Word Mistake</comment>
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| Murerderous Misery |
fandom.1000waystodie | # My Big Fat Greek Death
"My Big Fat Greek Death", Way to Die #348, is the seventh and final death to be featured in "Better Them Than Us", which aired on March 16, 2011.
Plot.
Perillos of Athens, a metalworker, attempts to impress King Phalaris with the unveiling of a new torture device: the brazen bull, which is meant to roast enemies that are placed inside. To make it sound even more gruesome, the bull was built in a way to amplify the victim's screams, making it sound like the bellowing of a real bull and the steam from the victim's body fluids would make the bull's nose whistle like a tea kettle. To test the device, Phalaris locks Perillos in the device and cooks him to death.
Transcript.
Narrator: This, is a story about a king,
Narrator: and a peasant.
Narrator: In 560 BC, Phalaris ruled over the greek empire.
Narrator: Perillos, was a simple bronze worker.
Narrator: The king, lived like... a king.
Narrator: Perillos wanted some of the good life too. So he prayed to the gods.
Perillos: "Γα νο τογα η παι (Ga no toga i pai!)" ()
Narrator: And answered.
Perillos: "Εύρηκααααααα!!!" (Eurekaaaaaaa!!!)
Narrator: Phalaris was always looking for new and crueler ways to torture and kill his enemies. Perillos, had the answer:
Narrator: A . In which an enemy could be placed inside, heated up and cooked.
Perillos: (Laughs of joy)
Narrator: Steam from the victim's bodily fluids would make the bull whistle, like a .
Richard Iacovelli: Brazen bull was a large... bull. One and a half times the size of a common cow. And it was made basically to pressure cook someone. Victims would be placed into the belly of the bull, and locked inside. Then a fire rebuilt under the bull, essentially cooking the victim alive inside of it. And it was a horrible, slow, tedious death inside this thing.
Narrator: After laboring long and hard, Perillos was ready to show off his invention.
Narrator: If he sold the king on his bull, the good life would be his to enjoy. But Phalaris was notoriously unpredictable:
Narrator: When it came down to test drive the giant pressure cooker, the king didn't look too far for its first victim.
Phalaris: Guard, cease him!
Perillos: NO!!! No! Come on! Please! No! NO! NOO!!
Perillos: (Sobs) Aaahh!
Narrator: Burning coals put the petal to the kettle.
-Perillos: (SCREAMS)<br>
-Narrator: And slowly brought the temperature inside to a roasting. 900 degrees.
-Perillos: (Screams)<br>
-Narrator: At 150 degrees, Perillos could barely breathe.
-Perillos: (Screams)<br>
-Narrator: As the temperature rose about 200 degrees, his entire body which is made up of 70% water, started to boil.
Narrator: Finally,
Narrator: his death knell came in the form of a high-pitched whistle.
Phalaris: (Laughs of joy)
Dr. Boyd Flinders: This man died around 150 degrees inside the bull. The air got so hot that he couldn't breathe. It was actually burning his lungs. Second, most of us, were made up of water...! His blood is boiling, he's gonna explode all over the inside of that brazen bull.
Narrator: Perillos wanted more out of life.
Perillos: "Γα νο τογα η παι (Ga no toga i pai!)" ()
Narrator: He tried to impress the king
-Perillos: NO!!!<br>
-Narrator: and wound up
-Perillos: (SCREAMS)<br>
-Narrator: cooking his own goose...
Narrator: and that's no bull.
Phalaris: (Laughs of joy)
| My Big Fat Greek Death |
fandom.1000waystodie | # My Chemical Romance
"My Chemical Romance", "Way to Die #785", is the seventh and last death featured in "", which aired August 29, 2011.
Plot.
Carly and Bob are a scamming couple posing as a toxic waste disposal company transport barrels of 2.4 - Dichlorophenol at a local dump. When Bob complains about the dumping and leaves bitter Carly to her own dirty work. Carly dies soon after tripping on a discarded toilet and gets a mouthful of the toxic sludge from the barrel, filling her lungs and she died from TSS (Toxic Shock Syndrome).
Transcript.
Narrator:
Carly: Eistein?
Narrator: As usual:
Carly: Hurry up! I don't wanna be here all night.
Bob:
Carly: Do you have any "bright" ideas? Oh yeah, I forgot: you're stupid!
Bob: ALRIGHT, THAT'S IT! You gotta do it for yourself!
Carly: Loser!
Narrator: The toxic couple finally blew up. Carly took over... and got a mouth full of toxic shock.
Carly: Loser!
Carly: (Screams)
Narrator: Carly and Bob were toxic offenders. In the end, they learned their lesson...It's not nice to pollute Mother Nature.
| My Chemical Romance |
fandom.1000waystodie | # My Will be done-immediately!
"My Will be done-immediately!", Way to Die #93, is the seventh Segment from "Dead and Deader" and aired on February 15, 2009.
Plot.
Mordy finally had the perfect moment in his life: spending time with his wife and friends in a club after 40 years of hard work. It was so perfect that he wished to die with a glass of champagne in his hand, surrounded by his wife and friends and hearing some splendid music. This wish came faster than he expected when he suffered a heart attack and died on the spot. Oh well, atleast he died doing what he loved and with the people he loved. He is now sent to Heaven, where he will sip of champagne and hopefully see his wife and friends in the future.
| My Will be done-immediately! |
fandom.1000waystodie | # My Will be done immediately
| My Will be done immediately |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Myth Busted
"Myth Busted", Way to Die #158, is the third death to be featured in "Cure for the Common Death, Part II", which aired on December 15, 2010.
Description.
A man scared people who were walking in a park dressed as a big foot. One day a woman told the ranger that he was stalking her, and believing that she was her real big foot, she gave him an accurate shot in the head, later discovering that he was a man in disguise.
Plot.
Luke Wiggins was an angry loner "ape" who moved to the county to get away from city-life and other people. But, unfortunately, he found himself living next to a popular jogging trail into a state park. So he drank six cans of beer and came up with a clever scheme: disguise himself as Bigfoot and scare them away. (You'd think he was watching way too many "Scooby-Doo" episodes). After he began stalking a young mother and her baby, she reported that a strange creature to a Bigfoot believer park ranger. The park ranger immediately guessed that it was Bigfoot and went out to the woods to capture him. As Luke was chasing a young woman who was jogging, the ranger shot him with a tranquilizer-gun. The tranquilizer dart contained Etorphine, a semi-synthetic opioid 2,000 times more potent than Morphine. It is designed to sedate large mammals, like elephants and bears. When used on mammals such as humans, it slows down the bloodstream and shuts down the victim's body. When the park ranger unmasked "Bigfoot", he and the female jogger were surprised to see the body of Luke, who had died of hypotension caused by the instantaneous Etorphine overdose.
"Meet Bigfoot. Make that... big fool. Luke Wiggins."
Transcript.
Narrator: The pacific northwest is filled with the predators of every size.
Beast: (Growls)
Narrator: Out for a walk in the woods, this woman had no idea she and her baby would like a walking T-bone slather than butter.
Narrator: That's because the most notorious predator of them all, was stalking her. Not a bear, or a mountain lion, but the legend himself: .
David Paulides: Each year there're proximally 200 to 500 bigfoots sighting that were reported...throughout the world, we believe that maybe 95% of the sightings are actual sightings, possibly be a bear on 2 feet, but the reality is that if people saw it, they're not gonna mistake it for something else.
Woman: Are you the park ranger in charge right now?
Park Ranger: Yes, ma'am.
Woman: There is something looking around up there.
Narrator: The park ranger was a BFB: Bigfoot Believer.
Bigfoot: (Growls)
Narrator: If he could bag him, that this job would be his.
Narrator: Meet Bigfoot. Make that... big fool. Luke Wiggins.
Narrator: Luke was an angry loner. Moved out the country for get away from humans.
-Narrator: He found himself living next to a stage park. With a popular jogging trail.<br>
-Luke: Hey!
Luke: Damn joggers!
Narrator: After a 6 packs worth of deep thinking, the big ape came up with a plan.
Luke: (Laughs evilly)
Narrator: He couldn't scare them...
Luke (As Bigfoot): (Growls)
Female Blue Jogger: (Screams of horror)
Narrator: Sasquatch would.
Narrator: But then, dudlish right plugged him with a dart.
Luke (As Bigfoot): (Growls)
Narrator: The dart contained . A powerful tranquilizer used from large animals like elephants and bears. It is "highly" toxic to humans. Up to 3,000 times more potent than .
Dr. Pavel Bindra: When a mass of amounts of etorphine on tranquilizer into this mass body, complete hemodynamic collapse followed: The blood pressure went down dramatically, his urge to breathe will shut down and he subsequently died because of complete breakdown of the body's function.
-Narrator: Bigfoot, if you're watching this,<br>
-Luke (As Bigfoot): (Growls)<br>
-Female Blue Jogger: (Screams of horror)
Narrator: sit back and relax. With idiots like Luke here,
Narrator: you've got nothing to worry about.
Segment Description.
Description as seen on the Spike TV website
| Myth Busted |
fandom.1000waystodie | # N.I.M.H. of Nusiance
| N.I.M.H. of Nusiance |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Nagar Nowhere
| Nagar Nowhere |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Namas-Dead
| Namas-Dead |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Namas-dead
"Namas-dead", Way to Die #183, is the fourth death featured in "Think Globally, Die Locally", which aired on March 19, 2012.
Plot.
A strict yoga instructor named Betty bullies and grosses out her students with her constant flatulence. After a particularly disgusting session, the entire class decides to pack up and leave. In a frenzy, and still stuck with her leg behind her head from one of her yoga positions, Betty scuttles across the yoga studio, but falls down a flight of stairs and lands facedown in a meditation pool, knocking herself out. While unconscious, she inhales enough water to drown.
Transcript.
Narrator: Betty was a yoga meanie by turning her class into Gas Warfare. She lost her students, but in the end, she invented a new pose...Downward. Facing. Dead.
| Namas-dead |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Nine Inch Nailed
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"Nine Inch Nailed", Way to Die #232, is the seventh and final death featured in "", which aired on February 8, 2012.
Plot.
Kyle, Matt, and Clark are hired to clean up a local junkyard, but they waste time horsing around instead of doing any cleaning. The three guys find an old truck tire and a makeshift ramp and decide to roll down the hill and across the ramp while inside of the tire. Matt is the first to go down the hill, and he comes out unscathed after passing the ramp. When Clark rolls onto the ramp, it collapses, exposing two nine-inch framing nails. One of them punctures through the tire and pierces the back of Clark's neck, severs his spinal cord and medulla oblongata, and causes him to die from neurogenic shock.
| Nine Inch Nailed |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Nite Capped
"Nite Capped", Way to Die #171, is the third death to be featured in "Dead and Deader", which aired on February 15, 2009.
Plot.
Quame and his crew of revelers were celebrating the New Year with a nighttime barbecue. As they were counting down to the new year, Quame shot stray bullet from his pistol into the air on zero. Several miles away, Ronald and his girlfriend were exiting a New Year's Eve party. As Ronald was asking his girlfriend to go out with him, he gets a sharp sting on his shoulder, then blood comes out. A few seconds later, Ronald died. The stray bullet from Quame's pistol unfortunately came back down and hit Ronald in the shoulder. It went through his shoulder and pierced his heart, killing him.
"Imagine exiting a New Years Eve party with a hot date on your arm, and a night full of possibilities in front of you. Suddenly you feel a thud, followed by a sharp stinging pain in your chest. You fall down, and two minutes later, you're dead. That's what happened to our friend, Ronald."
Transcript.
Narrator: Imagine exiting a New Years Eve party with a hot date on your arm, and a night full of possibilities in front of you. Suddenly you feel a thud, followed by a sharp stinging pain in your chest. You fall down, and two minutes later, you're dead. That's what happened to our friend, Ronald.
Narrator: It's a felony to fire a gun into the air. Stray bullets kill dozens of Americans every year. The lesson: when the clock strikes twelve on New Year's Eve... duck.
Quame: HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
| Nite Capped |
fandom.1000waystodie | # No Fun-Gus
| No Fun-Gus |
fandom.1000waystodie | # No Fun-gus
"No Fun-gus", Way to Die #661, is the second death to be shown in the season 6 episode (and series finale) "Death, The Final Frontier", which aired on July 15, 2012.
Plot.
Chad, a former alcoholic, has been sober for a full month, and his friends are throwing a sobriety party for him for his accomplishment. He brings his still-alcoholic wife, Sandy, to the party. However, she snuck some alcoholic drinks into the party and everybody starts to notice how drunk she is.
Sandy then eats several slices of pizza, which are topped with foraged ink cap mushrooms. And to make things worse, she gets a large bottle of Vodka and pours it into the punch bowl, and drinks the whole punch which shocks everyone. Then Sandy loudly proclaims, "I'm wasted!" Within seconds, however, she suddenly collapses to the floor, dead, while everyone looks on in shock.
Unbeknownst to anyone, ink cap mushrooms contain a mycotoxin called Coprine, which metabolizes into 1-aminocyclopropanol, an enzyme that prevented the alcohol in Sandy/Sandra's systems from metabolizing, causing her to die from a heart attack, due to a fatal case of Coprinus syndrome.
Transcript.
Narrator: Sandy spoiled the sobriety party with her stupid, drunken antics. She got so wasted, she didn't just pass out, she passed... on.
| No Fun-gus |
fandom.1000waystodie | # No Guts... All Gory
"No Guts... All Gory", Way to Die #950, is the fourth death featured in "Death Penalties," which aired on January 25, 2012.
Plot.
Jason is a mugger who successfully manages to steal money from unsuspecting pedestrians without any trouble. Jason attempts to rob a man named Mike, a diving equipment salesman, loading merchandise into his new SUV. As Jason ambushes Mike, he spots a knife in the back of the SUV and demands him to hand it over (Unbeknownst to Jason, that knife is a wasp inject knife, a special knife with a nitrogen capsule used as a self-defense weapon against sharks). Mike makes a bold move by leaping at Jason and slapping the gun out of his hand, but also stabs Jason in the process. Jason manages to retrieve the gun, but accidentally hits a button on the side of the knife which releases a burst of nitrogen into Jason's stomach, causing his intestines to rupture and explode out of his stomach, killing him instantly.
| No Guts... All Gory |
fandom.1000waystodie | # North By Northwasted
"North By Northwasted", Way to Die #411, is the seventh and final death featured in "Death Certificates", which aired on July 15, 2012.
Plot.
Dolph is a director looking to recreate the iconic crop duster scene from the Alfred Hitchcock film "North by Northwest", using little people as actors and a remote-control plane to be the crop duster. Dolph asks why Gary and Bob why didn't they listen to him, which the former answers that he's annoying as the two are discussing about what is wrong with him, only to be yelled at by the director. After hours behind schedule, Dolph manages to get his cast and crew set for the scene. Gary Can't runs from the plane like in the movie and jumps out of the way as it gets near him. The plane flies past Dolph and severs his carotid artery with its' wing, causing Dolph to die instantly from massive hemorrhaging.
Transcript.
Dolph: (On his megaphone) AlrIght, eVerybOdy. Let'S fReaking Do IIIIIITT!!
Narrator: Here's
Narrator: As Cary Grant, we have Gary Can't.
Narrator: And as Eva Marie Saint, we have... Bob...
Dolph: Why don't you listen to me?
Gary: You're annoying.
Dolph: (On his megaphone) Shut UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!!!
Gary: My ears are up here, you dumbass!
Narrator: He calls them that politically incorrect word that rhymes with "gidget"
Dolph: I can't work with m*****s anymore!
Gary: WHAT!? Did you just drop the m bomb on me!
Bob: You know how insulting that is?
Gary: Yeah I'm a little person here I'm a fat-ass little person I'll whoop your ass anyday!
Gary: Dude, it's like working with Alfred Bitchcock!
Eric Manuel:
Dolph: We are going to take this shot!
Dolph:
Narrator: Dolph thought he goosed his career by remaking a Hollywood classic. But his cast came up a little short. And Dolph... was left... speechless.
Gary: That's a Wrap.
| North By Northwasted |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Nun F***ed
"Nun Fucked", Way to Die #188, is the second death featured in "Cure for the Common Death, Part II", which aired on December 15, 2010.
Plot.
Wally, who was tired of his pretend girlfriend (a blow-up doll), was a questionable karate master who shows off his karate moves in hopes of winning himself a real girlfriend. In order to prove his skills, he had Carl, who is his wannabe director friend, to record some clips. First, Wally used a wooden board to break, and broke it in his 3rd attempt. Then Wally unsuccessfully tried to break a block, after which he could hear some girls calling him in his head. While twirling nunchucks for his final act, he accidentally whacked himself with the then and dropped dead within seconds. Prior to this, the wooden boards put a crack in his skull, the concrete block start his brain to hemorrhage, and finally the nunchucks finished the job and causing his brain to hemorrhage in his skull, killing him.
Transcript.
Narrator: Wally was tired of his pretend girlfriend,
Narrator: he thought a viral video showing off his questionable martial art skill, would land him a real one. So with the help of his wannabe director friend, Carl,
-Carl: Oooone... Two.<br>
-Narrator: he got to work.
Wally: Now, first up: Boards.
Narrator: After a few feeble attempts...
Narrator: Wally actually busted through.
Wally: Alright...
Narrator: But it was nothing to get a woody about...
Wally: (Snarls)
Mark Canonizado: Usual when a martial artist doesn't succeed at breaking a- eh... object such as a brick or a board...
Mark Canonizado: Instead of following all the way through the object,
Mark Canonizado: they kind of stopped on top. The energy that they all put down into it stops short, the energy is dispersed back into the body.
Carl: Shoot!
Narrator: Wally, was no .
Narrator: He couldn't even put a chink in the cinderblock.
Narrator: With visions of live girl flesh in his battered mind.
Live Girl: Closer...
Narrator: While he was dead set on continuing.
Narrator: Time to get busy with some nunchucks.
Carl: Wally? Wally, you okay?
Carl: Wally?
Narrator: A nunchuck hit, was the final blow.
Narrator: Starting with the wood boards, Wally softened his skull. Then the cinder block put a tiny crack in it. And finally, the nunchucks whack... put him down. Cause of Death? Fractured skull and brain damage.
Narrator: Wally was tired of going plastic. Too bad his head wasn't made out of elastic. Guess what, Wally? You're dead, you spastic.
Segment Description.
Description as seen on the Spike TV website
| Nun F***ed |
fandom.1000waystodie | # OMG! SUV! R.I.P.
"OMG! SUV! R.I.P.", Way to Die #320, is the sixth death featured in "If You're Dead – Leave a Message and We'll Get Back to You", which aired on January 5, 2011.
Plot.
A scam artist named Lester specializing in filing frivolous lawsuits deliberately breaks his leg while trying to get hit by Blonde on her cell phone driving an SUV. She pulls over to help and finds him resting against the rear bumper of a car parked in front of her. When she accidentally knocks her SUV into neutral after getting back in to grab her cell phone, the car rolls forward and pins Lester in between the two bumpers, crushing him to death, leaving the woman horrified.
Transcript.
-Narrator: Lester was a scam artist who targeted small businesses like this taco truck.<br>
-Lester: Hi.
Lester: Can I get a taco?
Taco Stand Manager: One taco.
Narrator: He buys some food,
Lester: Alright.
Taco Stand Manager: Thank you.
Lester: Thank you!
Narrator: plants something disgusting, in this case a rat leg, and then shake it down.
Lester: Oh my god! This is disgusting! Can you come out of here, please?
Lester: This is special sauce or something?! What do you think it is?!
Taco Stand Manager: That wasn't in the taco second ago.
Narrator: The taco truck owner was stuck between paying off Lester,
Lester: Dude, I'm gonna take you to the court and sue you...
Narrator: or going out of the business. He paid.
Stephanie Carrion: It's like me going to extort you or I'm going to win in court, the extortion pays...
Stephanie Carrion: a lot more, the easier target is a moment pop retell store, I've threatened to take every business to court if they don't pay up. Because I'm gonna get my money.
Narrator: This was a good day for Lester,
Narrator: so when a platinum blond came around the corner in a blinked eye SUV, he saw another opportunity. All he had to do was step off the curb and... let the legal system do the rest.
Woman: (Calls while driving) There's no way. Uh-uh-
-Lester: (Screams of pain)<br>
-Woman: (SCREAMS OF HORROR) OH MY GOD!!!
Lester: Dammit!! Aaaah!
Woman: Oh, oh my god! Oh my god! I-I gotta call you back!
Woman: Oh my god! Oh my god!!
Lester: CALL 911!!
Narrator: But then, things got a little tight for Lester, because when Blondie grabbed her cell phone to call 911,
Narrator: she stepped on the brake, allowing the handle of her bag to accidentally shift the car into neutral,
Woman: Oh my god! Calling it right now!
Narrator: setting the 3-ton SUV into motion.
Lester: (Screams)
Woman: (Screams of horror)
Dr. Vahe Ghazikhanian: In this case, the man died, because the stress applied by the Hummer... to his chest, crushed the bones and caused internal bodily damage to lungs, and heart and other organs.
Lester: Can I get a taco?
Taco Stand Manager: Sure.
Narrator: Lester put the squeeze on unsuspecting victims.
Lester: What is this? This is special sauce or something?!
-Narrator: But when he came face to face with three tons of steel and rubber...<br>
-Woman: (Calls while driving) Uh-uh-
-Lester: (Screams of pain)<br>
-Woman: (SCREAMS OF HORROR)
Narrator: he got squeezed out.
| OMG! SUV! R.I.P. |
fandom.1000waystodie | # OMG! You Killed Kennedy!
| OMG! You Killed Kennedy! |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Odds Are You're Dead
"Odds Are You're Dead", Way to Die #594, is the fifth death to be featured in "Grave Errors", which aired on March 2, 2011.
Plot.
Two loan sharks, Tony and Nick, who both didn't feel like waiting, have no choice but to confront Charles (a scissor lift operator) over a debt. When Charles refuses to come down (due to him needing a week to give those two money), Tony decides to get him down by cutting the hydraulic line to the scissor lift. The lift comes crashing down on Tony, crushes his hand and decapitates him.
"And within seconds, Tony's career as a loan shark...was cut short. Hey, he was a loan shark, not a scissor lift operator."
Transcript.
Narrator: Are you hard out for cash? And need a loan? Go to a bank. Just don't borrow from these guys.
Tony: Hey, Charles! Ah, you're tough man to find!
Charles: Hehey!
Tony: Ah, you don't return my phone calls?
Charles: Hey, I've been busy, I'm working, you know what I'm saying?
Narrator: Tony & Nick were loan sharks who prayed on those who addicted to gambling. Like Charles. He was reeling to risk everything.
Tony: We have to little talk about the 10 grand you owe me!
Aswad Ali Brown: Illegal sports gambling and loan sharking are pretty much the same thing. We'll giving you a bit of a money to play with, but we want our money back and we wanna with interest. The points spreads are... you know... 1 point, 2 points, 3 points, it varies so much, so it's not really a set fix ray, and if they don't pay you back, you can go through your own means to get your money without a course.
Tony: Come on down, Charles!
Narrator: Charles wasn't going anywhere, he was safe right where he was.
Charles: Oh, come on, man. Just give me one week. Y-you know I'm good for it.
Tony: Fu- What'd he say, one week? What, are you crazy? What are we look like, a charity?!
Narrator: But Tony & Nick didn't feel like waiting week.
Narrator: They want their money now.
Narrator: One way or another. And says Charles wasn't coming down, Tony was going to get him down.
Charles: Hey, hey! No, no, no! What are you doing, man?
Narrator: He went to cut the hydraulic line...
Charles: Come on! Hey!
Tony: (Screams)
Narrator: And within seconds, Tony's career as a loan shark...was cut short.
Narrator: Hey, he was a loan shark, not a scissor lift operator.
Dr. Boyd Flinders: When our guy cuts the hydraulic line, the entire weight of this lift, which is "tons" of metal and steel.
Dr. Boyd Flinders: As crushing down, and scissors' its neck, crushing his windpipe, cutting through the muscle, crushing the lungs, cutting off the carotid arteries that go to his brain. And then severing right to his spinal cord.
Dr. Boyd Flinders: He dies from lack of blood, no intervention from his brain to his body, instantaneous death.
Narrator: Tony was a tough guy who owed up money,
Tony: You don't return my phone calls!
Narrator: but when it came time to collect, Tony will get so worked up...
Charles: Woah! What are you doing, man?
Narrator: he finally just...
Tony: (Screams)
Narrator: lost his head.
| Odds Are You're Dead |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Offed the Hook
"Offed the Hook", Way to Die #223, is the fourth death to be featured in "Stupid is as Stupid Dies", which aired on September 21, 2010.
Plot.
Hal is a redneck survivalist armed with a shotgun, a chain, and a meat hook; and today is the Hal's last day in this world and as Hal had a good sighting, the shotgun don't have the fault in Hal's death.
He tried to poach electricity to his TV by throwing his meat hook onto a power line, only to have over a million volts of the county's electricity race through his body, render his heart useless, and burn Hal's insides to a crisp. But that didn't actually happen.
He was busy using his meat hook and chain to string up an elk carcass on a tree branch and wound up dangling by the cold metal chain as it became a noose and squeezed around his neck, cutting off his air supply. Pitifully struggling to free himself from his dire ordeal, Hal lost consciousness from a lack of air and succumbed to a suffocating fate. ...PSYCHE!!!! But that isn't the way that Hal lose his life, the classic moose hanging is to other idiot.
Here's what really happened to Hal. As he was walking to his shack, he accidentally tripped in a ditch and swallowed his meat hook whole. The hook went down his throat and cut through his trachea and pierced through the front of his neck, blocking the air supply. He breathed in when it went in, so it closed off the airway to his lungs and he asphyxiated. His bloody gurgles were his last words & that is actually how he died.
"Raising a 500-pound elk with an 8 foot chain can sometime leave you...hanging."
| Offed the Hook |
fandom.1000waystodie | # One Door Down
| One Door Down |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Onesie & Donesie
"Onesie & Donesie", Way to Die #396, is the first death to be featured in "Young, Dumb, and Full of Death", which aired on November 9, 2010.
Plot.
Chet was a klutzy salesman and pitchman. During their demonstrations, he first injures himself with a folding ladder after it failed to stay sturdy. He then injures himself with a samurai sword after it he hit the table with it. The samurai sword broke and flew a piece into his chest. He spent days in a hospital bed, and was later back on the set selling and smiling. His final product to demonstrate, an adult-sized onesie, caught on fire after he showed off some giveaway aromatherapy candles. He writhed on the floor, without stopping or rolling, and eventually, he perished. A stage man tried dousing him off with a broken fire extinguisher, but had no luck. Chet died due to major burns on his body.
Transcript.
Narrator: Chet was a nice enough guy, but he was his own worst enemy. In the end, the only thing Chet had to fear...was fear himself.
| Onesie & Donesie |
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