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fandom.1000waystodie | # Oprah Winfried
"Oprah Winfried", Way to Die #97, is the third death featured in "Death Over Easy", which has been aired February 8, 2009.
Plot.
An obnoxious former death row inmate named James "Little E" Johnson, whose sentence was commuted to life without parole (much to the disgust of his lawyer, Frank Stone), is watching The Oprah Winfrey Show (1986-2011) on his metallic prison toilet. When he realized that his connection was shortened out, he tries to fix it. When he touches the wire, he is electrocuted to death, thus sending him straight to hell.
"When Little E. grabbed the frayed wire to fix the TV, he accidently turned his throne... into an electric chair."
Transcript.
Narrator: James "Little E" Johnson was hardly what she would call a model citizen.
James: Fool! You about to utter this damn cop, I ain't sleep in my life! That's right, boy, you made him my boy's in the rest of the damn life! Better Oprah would kill me. (Laughs)
Narrator: On death row for 7 counts of murder,
James: You hear me!?
Narrator: he was days before the schedule of execution in the electric chair.
James: Wassup with that dog of yours, man? I'm better kinda lonely in here. What you been going down?
Narrator: Little E. abused everyone in his path. Including his public defender, Frank Stone.
Narrator: That's why when Frank dropped by with some good news for his client he wasn't happy.
Frank: Look, I'm here to tell you, your sentence has been changed to life without a pro, you got that? You scum.
James: Hey, come on, man. Baby, where you going? That's good news! Hey, where you at, man?
Narrator: Little E. celebrated his luck by indulging his favorite sell activity: watching Oprah while sitting on his steep issue to full metal crapper. But he would soon learn that karma is less fickle than the loan.
James: Son of a...
Narrator: When Little E. grabbed the frayed wire to fix the TV, he accidently turned his throne... into an electric chair.
Dr. David Mok: I think this inmate that... sat on the metallic seat has... really set him up to optimally conduct as much... electricity through his body as possible.
Dr. David Mok: Something like a hundred million upstairs part across the heart can actually knock your heart out of rhythm and cause you to have sudden cardiac death.
Dr. David Mok: Most... certainly he died of cardiac rhythm.
Narrator: A 110-volt current passing through his skin and grounding to the metal toilet seat, was more than enough to fry Little E.. The hot juice stopped his heart cold.
Narrator: The bottom line? Karma's a bitch. And when she comes back at you, there's no escape.
| Oprah Winfried |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Orspasm
"Orspasm", Way to Die #268, is the second death to be featured in "Death Puts On a Dunce Cap," which aired on November 2, 2010.
Plot.
Lucy suffered from involuntary orgasms. She had a condition called Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder or "PGAD" for short. Getting 100 orgasms a day might sound great, but for Lucy, it was a living hell. She got rid of the things that triggered her orgasms, and scared off all the guys she met, except for Seth.
Seth was a sick, perverted, sadistic, callous bastard who enjoyed pushing her "O" button and never knew (or never cared) when to stop. One instance is when he tickled her neck with a feather duster while she was frying eggs, making her orgasm and causing her to drop the eggs on the floor; Seth is unrepentant and calls Lucy "awesome" much to her annoyance. Another one of his shenanigans was secretly setting her cell phone on vibrate and calling it, making her have yet another unpleasant feeling.
One day, he poked her with a vibrating muscle massager, hoping to get another reaction from her. Instead, he got what was coming to him. The massager sent Lucy into one of her spasms. Still, in the process, she accidentally smacks Seth across the face, causing him to fall down the stairs, breaking most of his bones, including his neck, spinal cord, and finally, his skull after it made contact to the floor below the steps, killing him instantly.
As Lucy recovers, she horrifically sees Seth dead on the floor.
Transcript.
Narrator: Lucy's constant orgasms made it hard to find a mate. When it came to Seth, it was easy come... easy go.
| Orspasm |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Out to Launch
"Out to Launch", Way to Die #216, is the fourth death featured in "Enter the Ferret", which aired on March 12, 2012.
Plot.
A group of stoned teenagers in a park decide to mess around by putting one of the back tire of Nicky's motorcycles against the base of the carousel, getting on, and revving the bike up to create a large centrifugal force on the merry-go-round. With the carousel rotating at an extreme speed, Nicky flies off, and his brain stem is impaled orally on a horseshoe's pole sticking out from the sandbox nearby. The other teenagers upon seeing his corpse react in shock and horror.
Alternative names.
Also known as "Merry-Go-Wrong" on the Spike TV website.
| Out to Launch |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Oz Holed
"Oz Holed", Way to Die #638, is the fifth death to be featured in "Cure For The Common Death I", which was aired on March 22, 2009.
Plot.
Taylor and Conrad were two mega-fans of Ozzy Osbourne (a real-life heavy metal singer). To prepare for Ozfest, Taylor has a container of fire ants so that he and Conrad would snort as there is a rock and roll legend that Ozzy snorted a line of fire ants with Motley Crue bassist Nikki Sixx. However, after snorting a few, the fire ants sting their nasal cavities, and the two suffocate to death, silencing the annoying 'ozholes' forever.
"Taylor and Conrad want to be hardcore too. A couple lines of fire ants should do the trick."
Transcript.
Narrator: Taylor and Conrad want to be hardcore too. A couple lines of fire ants should do the trick.
Jules Sylvester: Stupid bastards. A couple hundred fire ants won't necessarily kill you, but if you inhale them into your nasal cavity and down your throat, you can't breathe, you die. A couple of big jerks.. Ozholes. Stay. Stay.
| Oz Holed |
fandom.1000waystodie | # PUTTING A MAD FACE ON DEATH
(LOGO SPLATS)
BACKGROUND VOICE:HERE WE GO AGAIN PUTTING A SAD FACE ON DEATH;IT'S EASY TO LOSE YOUR TEMPER IF YOU'RE NOT TOLD ABOUT SOMEONE RIGHT AWAY WHEN THEY'RE GONNA BE DEAD UNLESS YOU NEVER GET ANGRY;ESPECIALLY THE GUY WHO GOT FATALITY ON HIS KIDNEY BEANS;THERE'S ALSO THE THE DIABETIC WHO COULDN'T HANDLE PHERAMONES OR THE ASTRO WHO GOT TO MUCH MARS HOW BOUT THE THE SWIMMER WHO GOT HIS RAY ON THERE'S THE WILDLIFE COMPANION WHO GOT THE TEETH POINT;WE'LL SEE THE SURFER WHO GOT TOO MUCH WAVE & FINALLY YOU'LL GET YOUR PERIOD WHEN YOU SEE THIS SHOCKING JELLY MOMENT;IF YOU'RE REALLY ANGRY THEN YOU'RE GONNA LOSE YOUR TEMPER AT YOUR OWN EXPERIENCE ESPECIALLY WATCHING THE NEXT EPISODE OF 1000 WAYS TO DIE*THE WAVES GRABS THE SURFER AS THE SHADOW CRASHES & THE HEART SHOWS THE LOGO*
Ron (Megaphone):warning the stories portrayed in this show are based on real deaths & are extremely graphic NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT THE IDENTITIES WITH NO ACTORS OF THE DECEASED SOME OF THE DEAD WERE UNLUCKY MANY WERE BORED MOST WERE INCREDIBLY STUPID DO NOT ATTEMPT TO TRY ANY OF THE ACTIONS DEPICTED;YOU WILL...DIE
BACKGROUND VOICE:DEATH...IS EVERYWHERE,MOST OF US TRY TO AVOID IT OTHERS CAN'T GET OUT OF ITS WAY;EVERYDAY WE FIGHT A NEW WAR AGAINST GERMS TOXINS INJURY ILLNESS & OTHER CATASTROPHE;THERE'S A LOT OF WAYS TO END UP DEAD THE FACT THAT WE SURVIVE IT ALL IS AMIRACLE;CAUSE EVERYDAY WE LIVE WE FACE...1000 WAYS TO DIE
(DATE:AUGUST 5TH LOCATION:FRANKFORT KENTUCKY)
BACKGROUND VOICE:DO BEES HAVE RESPECT FOR DIABETES? THE ANSWER IS USUALLY;IN THIS HOUSE OWNED BY STEETOM IT'S HIGH MORALITY
STEETOM JILLIAN BRIAN:HEY KIDS WHAT'S UP;DADDY WILL GET YOU SOME HONEY ONCE I SWITCH OUT MY CIRCLE
BACKGROUND VOICE:EVEN THO BEES WERE ILLEGAL WHERE HE WAS BORN THE CONSTRUCTION WORKERS CARELESSLY PUT THEM THERE EVERY DAY WHEN HE GOT A VISITOR HE'D PUT A SAFE COVERING OVER THEIR NEST TO AVOID TROUBLE
JULES SYLVESTER:BEES ARE NORMALLY SCAVENGERS WITH NECTAR BUT KENTUCKY HAS NO FLOWERS
BACKGROUND VOICE:THE FACT HE HAD NO FLOWERS IN HIS GARDEN HE NORMALLY ORDERS FLOWERS ONLINE FROM SWITZERLAND EVEN THAT COUNTRY HAS NO BEES BUT THE FLOWERS STILL CONTAINED SWISS NECTAR BUT IF HE COULDN'T AFFORD FLOWERS HE'D MAKE HIS OWN SUPPLY OF NECTAR;EVEN THO HE DIDN'T ALLOW ANYBODY ELSE TO TOUCH IT SOME ARROGANT SELF ESTEEM CREEP DECIDES TO DO IT ANYWAY
STEETOM:HEY YOU BASTARD;PRICKTOM WHY CAN'T YOU BE GENEROUS FOR ONCE
PRICKTOM JESSIE DARIUS:YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY 1 WITH BEES IN YOUR YARD I CAN'T AFFORD FLOWERS
STEETOM:WELL GIVE MINE BACK & MAKE YOUR OWN NECTAR LIKE I DO*SNATCHES IT FROM HIM WHICH CAUSES PRICKTOM TO PUSH HIM ON GROUND;THE FIGHTING GETS MORE FATAL & STARTS WORSE KICKING HIM IN THE STOMACH*
BACKGROUND VOICE:THE BESS COULDN'T SEE HIM GET MORE TOXIC WITH PRICKTOM so they Each saved him with 1 single sting*they do so*
Steetom:thanks for sabing me honey buns
Pricktom:they shouldn't have stung you don't you have diabetes
Steetom:yea I do feel funny*he drops dead to his own ground* (background voice:well that was 1 fatal savory)
Background voice:steetom wasn't allergic to pheramones but he had a rare genetic condition that left him unable to process bee stings during diabetes
Vyshali rao:when he was stung the pheramones traveled thru his bloodstream & killed the cells needed to pump his insulin;this killed him as his insulin level shut down
Background voice:Steetom was a good beekeeper eho kept fighting for his sugary life but he got no more fights tye bees could've saved him a better way but they just took it to a more sugar filled morality
(Way to die #8 die-a-bee-tees)
background voice:up next an astronaut gets assy on a mission to mars
(Date:march 11 location:NASA space center)
BACKGROUND VOICE:IT WASN'T LONG BEFORE THE ROCKET WAS GONNA BLAST OFF TO MARS BUT INSTEAD OF LEARN ING BY THEMSELVES THEY WERE GONNA LEARN FROM THIS PLANET EXPERT (SISKTOM CAESAR ONIUM:SO GUYS ARE YA READY TO LEARN MORE FROM ME) SISKTOM LOVED NOTHING OTHER THAN OUTER SPACE & KNEW EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM & HE'S SHOWN EVERY ASTRONAUT CREW ABOUT ALL PLANETS BUT MARS
SISKTOM:NOW REMEMBER THE AIR IN SPACE ISN'T THE SAME AS THE AIR DOWN HEAR SO KEEP YOUR SUITS ON AT ALL TIMES (ALL ASTRONAUTS:LOUD & CLEAR TRUSTED LEADER OF ASTRO HEART) GOOD
ASTRONAUT #2:HEY SIR ISN'T MARS DANGEROUS WITH ALL THE RUST I CAN DIE EITHER WAY I DON'T WANNA GO
SISKTOM:WELL YOU DON'T HAVE A CHOICE YOU'RE AN ASTRONAUT & YOU'RE GOING NO MATTER WHAT NITWIT
BACKGROUND VOICE:SISKTOM WASN'T GONNA DEAL WITH A SCAREDY CAT TO RUIN HIS JOB;NOT ONLY WAS KWAZTOM SCARED OF MANY THINGS HE DIDN'T PARTICIPATE IN MUCH STUFF*THEY LAND ON MARS*
SISKTOM:OK HUYS I'M SURE YOU KNOW THAT MARS HAS LOTS OF RUST & RUST IS TOXIC THE RUST IS CAUSE OF ALL THE IRON SO YOU CAN'T GET OUT OF YOUR SPACE SUIT YOU CAN OPEN YOU REAR BUT YOU CAN;T SIT ON IT YOU CAN OPEN YOU HANDS BUT YOU CAN'T TOUCH IT'LL KILL YOU EITHER WAY SO DON'T PUT A SINGLE BIT OF SKIN ON IT DON'T EVEN INGEST IT
BACKGROUND VOICE:IT WAS TIME TO MARK THE FLAGS OF EVERY BIT OF RUST YOU SEE
SISKTOM:OK VERYONE HAS TO PARTICIPATE IN THE RUST SEEK THAT INCLUDES YOU KWAZTOM;GO*THEY GO BUT KWAZTOM JUST STANDS WHERE HE SEES IT & HE'S SLAPPED*NOT LIKE THAT KELP FOR BRAINS YOU HAVE TO USE YOUR FLAG;ALL ASTRONAUTS USE THEM WHEN THEY SEE SOMETHING THAT THEY FIND THEY MARK IT WITH A FLAG;SO MARK YOUR FLAG THE NEXT TIME YOU SEE RUST & DON'T STOP TIL YOU'RE DONE
BACKGROUND VOICE:AN ALIEN FROM MARS NAMED THE HOTHEAD IS THE ONLY ALIEN ON MARS & SHE LOVED ASTRONAUTS BUT HOTHEAD ASLO & FOR THE MOST PART LIKED TO PRANK THEM;SHE WAS GONNA GIVE HIM RUSTY ARS*SHE OPENS THE PART TO HIS DONKEY & THE OTHER GIGGLE*
SISKTOM:WHAT'S SO FUNNY
RATTOM KATE BRI:COACH YOU'RE KEISTER IS SHOWING
HOTHEAD:IN YOUR FACE (SISKTOM:NIMROD)*SHE PUSHES HIM ALLOWING HIS BUTT TO TOUCH THE SURFACE OF MARS;HE DIES AS HE FLOATS IN HIS OWN FATE*
BACKGROUND VOICE:OH SHRIMP THAT PRANK HAS PUT MARS INTO HORRIBLE ASTRO
KHYBER ZAFFERKHAN:WHEN THE RUST ENTERED THE RECTUM AFTER HE SAT ON IT THE TOXINS EVEN THE RUST ITSELF WENT THRU THE BLOODSTREAM & DRIED HIS BLOODCELLS & HE DIED FROM LACK OF BLOOD PRESSURE & THE RUST ON THE SKIN OF HIS KEISTER DID NOTHING HOWEVER HE ALSO DIED FROM SKIN POISONING
BACKGROUND VOICE:OUR SPACE LEADER SISKTOM HAD NO LIFE OF DEALING WITH DRAMA KINGS BUT WHEN HOT HEAD PANTSED HIM HE WAS RUSTY & THEN FLOATED IN FATES
KWAZTOM (GLOATING):A GOOD WASTE OF PLANETARY RUST
(WAY TO DIE #704 MARS ARS)
(DATE:JANUARY 8TH LOCATION:SOUTHEAST ASIA)
BACKGROUND VOICE:DID YOU KNOW A SLOW LORIS IS A GOOD PET? WELL IF YOU REALLY GET THE LOVE PART YOU'LL TAKE LESSONS FROM CHAYTOM;JUST A MINUTE THIS MORNING HE TRAVELED FROM HIS HOMETOWN OF CHARLOTTE TO ADOPT A SLOW LORIS FROM ASIA
JULES:THE SLOW LORIS IS SHY IT WON'T KILL YOU WITH THE BITE UNLESS YOU'RE ALLERGIC
NEVAEH (GUEST INTERVIEWEE):I CAN HANDLE ANIMALS WITH POISONS TOXINS & VENOMS CAUSE I'M NOT ALLERGIC TO ANYTHING
BACKGROUND VOICE:WHEN HE GOT HOME HE WAS SO HAPPY TO SHOW HIS NEW PET AROUND BUT HE MADE SURE TO HANDLE HIM GENTLY CAUSE SHE WAS HAVING BABIES SOON WHICH IS TOMORROW
CHAYTOM (NOT EVERYONE HAS A 1ST OR LAST NAME):OK SAYSKEE THIS IS MY LIVING ROOM HERE'S THE KITCHEN MY BEDROOM & IN HERE I GOT YOU YOU'RE SPECIAL CAGE IT HAS ENOUGH SPACE FOR YOU TO MOVE AROUND OH & FOR YOUR BABIES I HAVE THEIR BED READY & I HAVE THEIR CAGE CLOSER TO YOURS SO THEY'LL GET YOU WHEN THEY FEEL SCARED OR WHATEVER*SAYSKEE LICKS HIM*COME ON ANGEL LET'S GO SHOPPING & GET SOME MORE THINGS READY FOR YOUR BABIES (NEVAEH:PETS LOVE SHOPPING)
BACKGROUND VOICE:THE NEXT DAY WHEN THE BABIES WERE BORN CHAYTOM HAD THE PERFECT NAMES FOR THEM
CHAYTOM:OK THIS GIRL ON THE RIGHT IS MAYFEEN & ON THE LEFT JILLZEET;OK MY BABIES I'M GONNA GET YOU A BOTTLE OF MILK & AFTER THAT YOU CAN HAVE TEA & SMOOTHIES BLENDED WITH BANANAS & COCKROACHES I'LL BE RIGHT BACK
BACKGROUND VOICE:EVEN THO SAYSKEE KNEW THAT SHE WAS GONNA BE GIVEN ENOUGH LOVE BETWEEN HER & HER BABIES SHE THOUGHT SHE WAS GONNA LOSE FRIENDSHIP BUT SHE COULDN'T RISK REVENGE (CHAYTOM:OK YOU 3 EAT UP)*THE BABIES KISS HIM SAYSKEE KISSES THEM & ACCIDENTALLY BITES HIM*CHAYTOM DIDN'T UNDERSTAND HE WAS ALLERGIC TO SLOW LORIS VENOM ESPECIALLY NOT LETTING ANYBODY KNOW*HE DROPS DEAD AS THE 3 TRY TO HELP*
BOYD FLINDERS:THE VENOM WENT THRU HIS BLOODSTREAM & AS HIS BLOOD PRESSURE SHUT DOWN FROM CELL LOSS HE DIED
BACKGROUND VOICE:CHAYTOM DIDN'T LOVE ANYTHING OTHER THAN A SLOW PRIMATE BUT WHEN JILLZEET & MAYFEEN PUT THEIR EARLY LICK SKILLS TO LOVE THEIR MOTHER JOINED IN & PUT THE TEETH TO HIS LIFE & NOW HE'S AN EXTINCT PRIMATE*THEY CRY AS THE SEE HIM DEAD*
(WAY TO DIE #329 SLOW SLOW FATE)
BACKGROUND VOICE:COMING UP WHAT DID THE SURFER DO IN THE SURFING WAVES OF THE TSUNAMI
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(DATE:APRIL 30 LOCATION:ALABANY NEW YORK)
BACKGROUND VOICE:WHO DOESN'T LOVE KIDNEY BEANS? (NEVAEH:I DON'T) WELL THE TRUTH IS NOT EVERYONE LIKES BEAN BUT IF 1 PARTICULAR HAPPENS TO BE SCARTOMM-TOTALLY OBSESSED
SCARTOM:YOU GUYS ARE GREAT HAVING BEANS IN STOCK EVERYDAY
BACKGROUND VOICE:HE WAS SO ADDICTED TO KIDNEY BEANS THAT HE ATE THEM FOR EVERY MEAL INCLUDING DESSERT HE EVEN BRINGS THEM IN RESTAURANTS & PUTS THEM OH THE FOODS HE'S SERVED
BOYD FLINDERS:KIDNEY BEANS ARE NORMALLY HEALTHY BUT IF YOUR KID OR ADOPTED MEMBER DOESN'T LIKE ANYTHING THAT'S GOOD FOR YOU DON'T LET'EM EAT IT
BACKGROUND VOICE:1 DAY HE WENT TO THE CHINESE BUFFET & GOT ALL HIS BEST FOODS & ADDED KIDNEY BEANS TO THEM;HE MAY NOT HAVE BEEN CAUGHT BUT THIS 1 STRICT WAITER HAS HAD ENOUGH OF HIS BEAN DIET
CHUNGTOM FUMIKO MISAKI:HEY YOU;WHY CAN'T YOU STOP BRINGING YOUR STUPID CANNED FOODS IN MY PLACE
SCARTOM:YOU DON'T OWN THIS PLACE YOU'RE JUST A WAITER & YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO JUDGE MY FOOD EXTINCTS
CHUNGTOM:OH YA WANNA BET? (BACKGROUND VOICE:CHUNGTOM WASN'T GONNA LET HIS DEFENSE GET HIM FIRED)*HE FORCEFULLY PUTS A BOTTLE OF CAR FUEL & HE PUNCHES HIM IN THE KIDNEY WHICH GIVES HIM PAIN & HE FALLS DEAD ON THE SEAT*WELL THEN NO MORE BEANS FOR YOU
REZA JAMEHDOR:THE PUNCH CAUSED HIM GREAT PAIN IN THE KIDNEY WHICH IS CAUSE HIS KIDNEYS ARE BORN SENSITIVE BUT THAT'S NOT THE WORST OF HIS DEATH;THE CAR FUEL WHICH HE WAS ALLERGIC TO WENT THRU HIS BLOOD CIRCULATION & WENT TO HIS KIDNEYS & HE DIED FROM KIDNEY FAILURE
BACKGROUND VOICE:SCARTOM'S BEANS MADE HIS LIFE A CHALLENGE FOR THIS PUNK;WHEN HE GOT PUNCHED & FUELED HE WAS NOW A DEAD BEANSTALK
(DATE:JULY LOCATION:GREAT BARRIER REEF)
BRAYLTOM DEEDA JEFF:OK GUYS IT'S SURFING LESSON TIME
BACKGROUND VOICE:YOU DON'T REALLY NEED A CLASS TO LEARN SURFING BUT IF BRAYLTOM DIDN'T GIVE HELP THAT OPTIONALITY WOULD'VE CORRUPTED HE'S BEEN SURFING EVER SINCE HE WAS A BABY & HE WAS A STAR & ALWAYS WILL BE
BETHANY HAMILTON:WHEN I LOST MY ARM IN A SHARK ACCIDENT I PUT LOTS OF DETERMINATION IN MY DREAM & I REACHED IT REAL GOOD
BRAYLTOM:WOW ISN'T SURFING SO FUN & EASY;HEY LADIES WANT SURFING LESSONS? I'M HIGH PROFESSIONAL
MAXIE TINA LAN:WE'RE ALRIGHT WE DON'T REALLY SURF
LIFEGUARD KILA BENNY BOOTS:MAYBE YOU CAN DO A SURFING SHOW FOR EVERYONE SINCE YOU ARE AN EXPERT
BRAYLTOM:I'D LOVE TO
BACKGROUND VOICE:THIS PLAY WAS GONNA BE THE BEACHIEST OF ALL;BUT LITTLE DID THE AUDIENCE KNOW THERE WAS A JERK WHO LIVED ON A BOAT NEAR THE GREAT BARRIER REEF & HE DIDN'T LIKE SURFERS
YOUTOM GIG ZED:THAT SON OF A BITCH;HE IS SO GONNA BE TAUGHT A LESSON THINKING HE CAN SURF NEAR MY HOME*HE PUTS HIS JET SKI SO HIGH MOTOR MAKING THE WAVE GROW BUT LUCKILY BRAYLTOM CATCHES IT WELL;BUT HE MOTORS IT TOO HARD & IT GROWS AGAIN*
BRAYLTOM:WOW WHY IS EVERYONE GETTING SMALLER
KILA:CAREFUL UP THERE BUT YOU PUT ON A SHOW FOR US
BRAYLTOM:THANKS;I LOVE NEW TECHNIQUES*YOUTOM NOW GETS A FAN & TURNS IT ON CAUSING IT TO B LOW HIM OFF THE WAVE & IT GRABS HIM*
BACKGROUND VOICE:YOUTOM'S REVENGE CROSSES THE SEA LINE LEAVING BRAYLTOM A WASHED UP DUGONG*HE'S DEAD BEFORE HE HITS THE SHORE;EVERYONE'S IN PANIC*
KILA:SOMEONE GET THE PARAMEDICS
BOYD FLINDERS:WHEN THE WAVE HIT THE SURFER HE DIDN'T BREATH IN WATER OR DROWN BUT THE PRESSURE OF THE WAY CAUSED WATER TO ENTER HIS EARS RECTUM & CROTCH CAUSING WATER TO ENTER HIS BLOODSTREAM & HE DIED AS HIS HEART SHUT DOWN*
BACKGROUND VOICE:BRAYLTOM'S PROFESSIONAL SURFING TRICKS MADE HIM A SEA STAR BUT WHEN A GRUMPY RESIDENT CRASHED HIS SHOW HE WAS BEACHED
(WAY TO DIE #873 SURF'N'JERK)
BACKGROUND VOICE:UP NEXT THE JELLIEST MONTHLY DEATH IS HERE
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(DATE:SEPTEMBER 4TH LOCATION:WATERLOO,INDEPENDANT ALSAKA (IA FOR SHORT))
BACKGROUND VOICE:A LOT OF GIRLS GET PERIODS BUT IT'S KNOW THAT MALES CAN GET'EM AS WELL;BUT FOR GILA THE PERIOD WAS HER REDDEST ENEMY & HER JELLIEST NIGHTMARE
DJ GREEN:PERIODS AREN'T FOR EVERYONE IN FACT NOT EVERY CRITTER HAS'EM;THE JELLY BLOBS ARE MORE LIKE A SIGN THAT UNUSED EGGS ARE STRUGGLING TO HATCH EVEN NOT HAVING SEX OR YOU'RE LIKELY TO NOT LIVE LONG YOURSELF
BACKGROUND VOICE:THIS GIRL LOVED GOING TO THE BEACH SHE EVEN MADE HER OWN PERIOD PROOF BATHING SUIT;1 DAY SHE CAME HOME & SHOWERED & WASHED HER CROTCH
NEVAEH (GUEST INTERVIEWEE):WHEN I GET MY PERIODS I ALWAYS SPRAY INSIDE MY LAMPSHADE THOROUGHLY WHICH MEANS I ALSO SPRAY WAY UP IN IT IT'S MUCH BETTER THAN DOOSHING I HAVE A VERY SENSITIVE CROTCH;MY OTHER BODY PARTS ARE SENSITIVE & I ALSO HAVE A SENSITIVE PERSONALITY WHICH MEANS I EVEN CRY VERY EASILY
BACKGROUND VOICE:BUT THERE WAS SOMETHING SHE WAS UNAWARE OF WHENEVER SHE WAS AWAY HER CAT SHEENA WOULD PEE ON IT & ALSO PUT HER SALIVA ON IT AS SHE WAS ABLE TO PROCESS IT REAL GOOD MEANING SHE'S NOT ALLERGIC;THE MIXTURE OF THOSE & HER BLOOD TURNED THE WHOLE PERIOD TO A DEATH RISK 7 TO MAKE MATTER WORSE TOXINS WENT THRU HER BLOODSTREAM & THE JELLYBLOBS CAME OUT IN THE PROCESS*SHE DIES IN HER SHOWER*SHE WASN'T ALLERGIC TO CATS BUT WAS ALLERGIC TO ANIMAL URINE & SALIVA IN ANIMALS THAT WEREN'T POISONOUS/TOXIC/VENOMOUS
STEVEN KIM:WHEN THE JELLY BLOBS WERE COMING AUTOMATICALLY FROM HER CROTCH THE POISONS FROM THE CAT URINE & THE SALIVA FROM THE CAT IT NOT ONLY ENTERED HER BLOODSTREAM BUT SHE WAS DEAD AS HER HEART WAS RAPIDLY PUMPNG TIL IT SHUT DOWN
BACKGROUND VOICE:CATS & PERIODS NORMALLY DON'T MIX WELL EVEN THO IT'S HARMLESS BUT WHEN IT COMES TO ALLERGIES WITH YOUR PET'S URINE YOUR PERIOD WILL BE A MEMORY OF GILA;GOOD LUCK IN HEAVEN BEACH GIRL YOU'LL HAVE YOUR PERIODS THE SAFE WAY NOW
(WAY TO DIE #547 JELLY BELLY-ED)
| PUTTING A MAD FACE ON DEATH |
fandom.1000waystodie | # PUTTING A MAD FACE ON DEATH (PLEASE DON'T DELETE)
| PUTTING A MAD FACE ON DEATH (PLEASE DON'T DELETE) |
fandom.1000waystodie | # PUTTING A SAD FACE ON DEATH (DO NOT DELETE)
| PUTTING A SAD FACE ON DEATH (DO NOT DELETE) |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Pain Saw
"Pain Saw", Way to Die #161, is the third death to be featured in "Death, The Final Frontier", which aired on July 15, 2012, as part of the series finale.
Plot.
Hank was a lazy, muscular husband. His hardworking wife Darla tells him off for not trimming the hedges for two weeks. He finds his electric chainsaw at the same time as he spots his sexy next-door neighbor. He locks his chainsaw to the 'on' position and swings it around in circles to trim the hedges. He successfully impresses the neighbor in that way.
But unfortunately, the wire tangled and wraps around his neck, cutting off the blood supply to his brain and he loses consciousness and falls to the ground. His neck lands on the chainsaw in the process, causing his arteries and veins to be sliced and within less than a minute, he lost five pints of blood and died.
| Pain Saw |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Pained Gun
"Pained Gun", Way to Die #499, is the fifth death featured in "Death Be Not Stupid", which aired on March 15, 2009.
Plot.
Luke and Mickey, a pair of high-school rejected boys, film themselves in a series (called Suburban Slaughter), which consists of them doing various shootings on people (including a drive-by on an old lady with a purse) with a paintball gun as part of a hare-brained plot to become viral video stars on YouTube, not realizing it's just as illegal to shoot with a paintball gun as it is with an actual firearm. When the gun malfunctions, it shoots the canister of CO2 at 200 mph into Mickey's larynx, which breaks his neck and kills him. Horrified, Luke tries to get help... only for the previous victim to catch up with him and start hitting him with her purse.
Transcript.
Narrator: For high school rejects, Luke & Mickey, fame, or infamy was just a YouTube video away.
-Mickey: Say hello to the world. YouTube style.<br>
-Luke: Waaa!
Luke: How you doing, world?
Mickey: Hm-hmm!
-Narrator: Today's episode: "Suburban Slaughter".<br>
-Mickey & Luke: (Whooping)
Luke: Let's do it.
Narrator: By hit the street, the search of internet gold.
Narrator: The boys didn't consider that shooting people with a paintball gun, is just as illegal as shooting them with a real gun.
Narrator: And they capture, at anything that moved.
Mickey: Yeeaaah!
Old woman: Ah!
Mickey: Wooooo! Yeaaah! WOOOOOOOOOOO!! Woah, hold on, man. Hold on, you see that? Stop, stop, stop.
Narrator: But even the most basic weapons of war require a bit of mechanical know-how.
-Luke: We gonna see a tutus, look right? This look like it's on their properly.<br>
-Mickey: What?
-Mickey: Easing at it.<br>
-Luke: It's problem, man.
Mickey: No, dude, those things are like idiotproof.
Narrator: The guns may be idiotproof.
Mickey: You get that? Hm-hmm?
Luke: Oh my goodness.
Narrator: But these 2 idiots, weren't.
Mickey: Here.
Luke: Someone had in stuff in this.
Mickey: You'll be totally fine. Totally, fine.
Narrator: Locked and loaded, the boys were ready for the next scene of Suburban Slaughter: The art of the drive-by.
-Luke: Eeeeeaaasy target, right? Here we go.<br>
-Mickey: Yeah, come on!
Narrator: Luke lined up the shot. Unaware that Mickey was lined up right behind his gun.
Junior Sutitanom: There's about 1200 to 1500 PSI inside of tank. Each tank has a thread right on top that actually screws into the gun. A lot of people don't really check their threads on the tanks and it gets all around it...
Narrator: The thread snapped, turning the tank into a self-prepared missile. It crushed into Mickey's larynx at 200 mph. Breaking his scrolling neck.
Mickey: (Groans of pain)
Luke: Mickey... Oh my god...! Mickey, I'm sorry...!! Mickey! Wake up, Mi-Mickey! Mickey!!
Narrator: Maybe, it was a mechanical failure.
Luke: Oh my god...!!!
Narrator: Maybe, it was Karma's way to off another juvenile jerk from the planet. One thing is sure: Suburban Slaughter had a great ending.
-Luke: Mickey, Mickey... What are you doing?! Stop!! He's dead!! I need help!!<br>
-Old woman: No! I don't care!
| Pained Gun |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Paintful Death
"Paintful Death", Way to Die #192, is the seventh Segment in "". It was aired on February 22, 2009.
Plot.
Fernando is not just a boxing trainer, he's also an artist. His boss bought him spray paint to get done with painting the walls. The problem with him is he didn't read the instructions for the spray paint beforehand, and as a result, his paint gun stops working while he was working on the walls in his gym. Fernando thinks he can fix it by shaking it around, but unfortunately, it works again while aiming at his left leg, causing the paint to make his leg swell up, split his femoral artery, and enter his bloodstream, killing him after the chemicals in the paint damaged his brain.
| Paintful Death |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Pam Caked!
"Pam Caked!, Way to Die #179, is the first death featured in "Dead Wrongs", which aired on September 28, 2010.
Plot.
Cheerleaders are described by one word: perky. When it comes to Pamela, another word comes to mind: bitch. Pamela gets jealous when a new girl named Amber joins the squad. Amber becomes the new flyer and the star quarterback's new girlfriend after he dumps Pamela for her. During the homecoming game, while Amber is atop the cheer squad's heel stretch formation, Pamela intentionally lets Amber fall. The other cheerleaders come to her aid, as the spoiled cheerleader captain gloats at Amber.
Pamela gets in the way of the banner, and is pummeled/stomped repeatedly by the football team as they run through it, their cleats puncturing her heart and breaking her ribs, killing her instantly.
Transcript.
Cheerleaders: (Chanting) OKAY! GO! WILDCATS GO! GO!
Narrator: High school cheerleaders. If you can harness their energy that world could leave its lights on. Forever.
Cheerleaders: (Chanting) FIGHT! WILDCATS FIGHT! OKAY!
Narrator: With cheerleaders, the word "perky" is always close-by.
Cheerleaders: (Chanting) WILDCATS FIGHT!
Narrator: With Pamela, the Wildcats captain, a different word will pop up:
Cheerleaders: (Chanting) WILDCATS FIGHT!!!
Narrator: Bitch.
Pamela: Oh, that sucked!
Pamela: Brooke, you definitely need to go take a lap or something, because you are putting on weight.
Narrator: She was about as supportive as your local .
Pamela: Lasie, did you even practice the moves?
Narrator: The other girls hated her and were more than happy when some competition to Pamela's rain of terror, showed up.
Amber: Hi, girls!
Other Cheerleaders: Hi!
Narrator: Her name was Amber.
Brooke: Hi, you should definitely try part of team.
Amber: Thank you.
Jenny Finn: In the team itself, there's...competitiveness among the girls, it's a really cutthroat. There's... a real...high need to be front and center, so that you're noticed, because if you're noticed, people would know you're cheerleader on campus. And that can seem as the worry on campus.
Narrator: Amber became the squad's new flyer.
Cheerleaders: (Chanting) GO! WILDCATS GO!
Narrator: And the star quarterback's new girlfriend. After he dumped his old one:
Narrator: Pamela.
Narrator: It was homecoming night. The biggest game of the season.
Cheerleaders: (Chanting) WILDCATS FIGHT!!!
Narrator: Pamela was sick and tired of being out-perkied by the new girl.
Narrator: If Amber wanted to fly, that's okay by Pamela. She just won't play catch.
Amber: (Screams)
Cheerleader: Oh my gosh! Are you alright?
Narrator: Amber went down hard. Pamela gloated. But then... a rumbling.
Pamela: That looked like it hurt.
-Footballers: (ROAR)<br>
-Cheerleaders: (SCREAM)<br>
-Narrator: Not as much as the combined weight of 4,000 pound footballers tearing up your body like raw turf.
Dr. George Fallieras: The is the organ that's...located in upper left portion of your abdomen... and it receives a majority of the blood flow. Any sort of blood trauma to the abdomen, also the region... can...unfortunately frequently cause a , and the risk of that is fatal hemorrhage... exsanguination, and death.
Narrator: Pamela was as mean as her skirt was pleated.
Pamela: Did you even practice the moves?
Amber: (Screams)
Narrator: She lost all her cheer,
-Cheerleaders: (SCREAM)<br>
-Narrator: and then she got... cleated.
Cheerleaders: Oh my gosh!! Oh my gosh!! Are you okay?!
| Pam Caked! |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Paper Or Spastic
| Paper Or Spastic |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Paper or Spastic
"Paper or Spastic", Way to Die #330, is the fifth death featured in "", which aired February 8, 2012.
Plot.
An extremely obnoxious, spoiled, ill-tempered grocery shopper (she was diagnosed with Little Emperor Syndrome) named Lindy tries to swindle a store cashier, then screams at the manager when the cashier calls him in. During this argument, the scarf she is wearing (and trying to shoplift) accidentally gets caught in the checkout stand's conveyor belt and strangles her to death.
Transcript.
Narrator: Lindy barreled her way through life as if the world owed her a favor, but then the gods of karma did us a favor by removing her from this world.
| Paper or Spastic |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Par-Gore
"Par-Gore," Way to Die #246, is the second death featured in "Ready Or Not, Here Comes Death", which aired on February 23, 2011.
Plot.
In the world of parkour, a cocky traceur named Dick has always been a real "Richard" (in other words, a jerk). He reviews a group of fellow freerunners and arrogantly claims that their stunts are pathetic, before challenging them to a race.
The race leads up to the top of a building. As they scaled it, Dick is behind, so to get ahead, he plays dirty by pushing a traceur out of his way. Shooting off the wall like a cannon, Dick didn't realize that he was about to be impaled in the neck by an exposed pipe until it's too late. The pipe is then driven into his spinal cord through the trachea, with death becoming instant. The traceurs behind him react in shock and disgust.
Transcript.
Narrator: Dick got totally boned.
Narrator: Parkour isn't supposed to be about ego, it's an art combining body, mind, and motion. Dicky boy here didn't get that. And now ego...bye-bye.
| Par-Gore |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Par-Gore (249)
| Par-Gore (249) |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Par For The Corpse
"Par For The Corpse", Way to Die #209, is the third death featured in "Getting A Rise From The Dead", which aired on February 16, 2011.
Plot.
Jim was a groundskeeper at this cemetery, who had a no respect for the dead and had been using the cemetery as his own personal golf course. One day, Jim had developed a high fever and blisters appeared on his hands, arms, and face. Believing he had the flu, he laid down under a tree and took a nap. When he woke up, his blisters became lesions, causing the skin to peel off his face. Jim had sprayed the grass at the cemetery with a very powerful fungicide. Unbeknownst to Jim, he was allergic to the fungicide, and over the time he was combining work and play, his golf tees had contracted the chemical several times. His habit of gnawing on the tees caused the allergy to kick in. The fatal allergic reaction causes his organs to burn and fail. He tried to get help from a young couple making out, but then he scared them. Jim then falls over the railing where the couple were making out, and dies.
Transcript.
Narrator: Beware ! The graveyard of terror.
Narrator: What evil lurks around every tombstone?
Jim: (Zombie noise)
Narrator: It's, the living dead!
Man: C'mon!
Goth girl: (Screams of horror)
Narrator: No, actually that's a nearly dead guy named Jim. How did he get like that?
Narrator: Jim worked in a cemetery. But all he really wanted to do was play golf.
Narrator: So he combined work and play.
Narrator: On his dead man's golf course, Jim had traps,
Narrator: and hazards.
Narrator: But Jim was just another hack who showed a complete lack of respect for the occupants.
Narrator: Then one day, Jim had a high fever and blisters appeared on his arms, hands and face.
Narrator: Thinking it was the flu. He went to sleep it off.
Jim: (Groans)
Narrator: But when he woke, his blisters had become festering lesions.
Jim: (Screams of pain)
-Jim: (Coughs)<br>
-Narrator: He tried to get help,
Man: Let's go, c'mon!
Narrator: but he would never make it.
Goth girl: (Screams of horror)
Narrator: Jim went from the living dead...
Narrator: To the dead dead.
Narrator: When Jim sprayed the ground the day before, he was using a powerful fungicide for the first time. He didn't know it, but he was one of 1 in 10 people with a severe allergy to fungicide. His habit of gnawing on his golf tees, finally did him in.
Dr. Boyd Flinders: After ingesting chlorothalonil, they very commonly use fungicide. He had a cute allergic reaction to it,
Dr. Boyd Flinders: causing like symptoms. The next phase, is a necrotizing type of skin slough for dermatitis, it's a very rapid. Within an hour, your skin can start to just slough off and peel away. Not only on the exterior, but also on the inside of your body. You can actually choke off your own windpipe and die from asphyxiation.
Narrator: In the Graveyard of Horror, see Jim spray,
Narrator: see Jim play,
Narrator: see Jim...
Jim: (Screams of pain)
Narrator: DIE! (Echo)
| Par For The Corpse |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Par Gore
| Par Gore |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Parker Dozki
Parker Dozki (AKA Morning Bear) is one of the interviewees that appeared in Em-Bear-Assed. He is seen in a bear costume while holding a ukulele in his hand.
| Parker Dozki |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Paul Vinson
Paul Vinson is an actor who plays the biker in A Chainus Runs Through It.
Trivia.
Vinson was also a contestant on the game show Dog Eat Dog. He was the second one to be sent to the dog pound after he couldn't complete Wedge and Tilt.
| Paul Vinson |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Pavel Bindra
Paveljit S. Bindra, MD, is the founder and CEO of the Imperial Health Plan of California, Inc. A licensed health plan, Imperial Health is responsible for delivering coordinated care to Medicare and Medicaid beneficiaries in several counties in California. It does so through managed care contracts, an integrated physician group, and contracted hospitals. Dr. Bindra has tested several of this book’s concepts at Imperial Health, with promising results.
Dr. Bindra has extensive management experience in hospital administration. He served as chief medical officer and chief information officer of a three-hospital, 625-bed acute care health system with an affiliated home health and hospice system. Prior to entering management and administration, he was a practicing cardiologist and electrophysiologist.
Dr. Bindra trained at Massachusetts General Hospital and the University of Pennsylvania. He attended Harvard Medical School (MD), Harvard College (AB), and the University of Oxford (MSc), where he was a Fulbright Scholar. He is also an adjunct associate professor at the University of Southern California Sol Price School of Public Policy.
| Pavel Bindra |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Pebble Bitched
"Pebble Bitched", Way to Die #509, is the first death featured in "Death, The Final Frontier", which aired on July 15, 2012.
Plot.
At a local barbecue hosted by a group of a rednecks, brothers Bo and Austin show up and attempt to pick up the same woman, the local town tease Lula Mae (played by Chelsea Edmundson). This causes the two brothers to have an argument over who will take Lula Mae home and she settles it by organizing a truck pull with the winner taking her home with one of the two brothers. The tires from both trucks cause high amounts of gravel to fly at the young woman. One huge rock strikes Lula Mae in the temple, causing massive internal bleeding within her skull, killing her within minutes.
| Pebble Bitched |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Pee-Ping Tom
| Pee-Ping Tom |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Penis de Milo
"Penis de Milo,"Way to Die #911, is the first death featured in "Sor-Dead Affair", which aired on February 29, 2012, along with "Locked and Low Dead".
Plot.
Marcel is a sculptor who is obsessed with his work and even neglects his wife, Natalie, in the process. One day, Marcel decides to carve a lover out of marble and Natalie leaves him after he keeps neglecting her. After finishing the statue, he carves out a crude vagina and begins to have sex with it, but passes out from exhaustion. After awakening, Marcel is suffering from priapism (When an erect penis doesn't go flaccid) and can't remove his penis from inside of the statue. Marcel tried to scream for help but no one comes to him. After an hour, he finally manages to remove his penis from the crude vagina and falls to the floor. Free at last. Just as he is celebrating, the statue topples off the table and falls on top of Marcel, crushing his ribs and causing asphyxiation.
| Penis de Milo |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Peter Fowler
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Peter Fowler is a bomb specialist who interviewed the butterfly bombs during the CGI in Art Attack.
| Peter Fowler |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Phlegm Phatale
"Phlegm Phatale", Way to Die #656, is the seventh and final death featured in "Death, The Final Frontier", which aired on July 15, 2012, as well as the final death in the series.
Plot.
Ira is a germaphobe who goes on a date with a woman he met on an internet dating site named Shoshana. To prepare for their first date, he flushes out his nasal passages by using a Neti pot. When Shoshana goes to kiss him, Ira pulls out a can of disinfectant spray which causes him to sneeze blood and mucus all over Shoshana, causing her to leave. Ira soon collapses to the floor and dies from a Naegleria fowleri infection that attacks his brain and kills him due to using contaminated tap water for the Neti pot rather than distilled water.
| Phlegm Phatale |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Phone Boned
"Phone Boned", Way to Die #662, is the first death featured in "Waking Up Dead", which was aired on February 3, 2010.
Plot.
"Leanne began drifting into unconsciousness, until her cell phone reared its ugly head..."
A woman named Leanne goes to an acupuncturist to cure her addiction to texting due to headaches and other problems. While lying on her back during the treatment, Leann's cell phone begins to receive multiple texts. She tries to reach for it, but ends up falling to the floor face-down. She would have survived... if it wasn't for a acupuncture needle that was on Leann's chest which stabs her in the heart, killing her instantly.
Transcript.
Narrator: Leanne began drifting into unconsciousness, until her cell phone reared its ugly head...
Narrator: If Leanne could've responded to her last message, it might have went something like this: OMG (Oh My God)... G2G (Got 2 Go)... IOH (I'm Outta Here).
| Phone Boned |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Photo-Dead-Ick
"Photo-Dead-Ick", Way to Die #152, is the fourth death featured in "", which aired February 8, 2012.
Plot.
Isabelle is a famous supermodel. Today, she is doing a photoshoot wearing nothing but full-body paint. The paint was made of latex, which prevented her from sweating. She eats nothing but tissue paper. Also, she was on cocaine, which caused her heart rate to accelerate. The combination of both caused her core temperature to rise rapidly. While Isabella is doing her photo shoot, she becomes lightheaded, and then faints. She falls onto a lighting post, impaling herself through the eye and brain, and dies instantly.
Transcript.
Narrator: Supermodels are a different breed. They're skinnier than the rest of us, prettier, and in Isabel's case...deader.
| Photo-Dead-Ick |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Pigs in a Pie
| Pigs in a Pie |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Pimp My Death
"Pimp My Death", Way to Die #257, is the sixth death featured in "Death Be a Lady Tonight", which aired on July 25, 2011.
Plot.
An escort named Carmen charms her way into a desperate married man's hotel room on the pretense of finding him attractive. The man's name is Mike. But when she reveals her profession and insists on $2,000 for the night, Mike refuses to pay leading to her calling her boss named Big Hank. When he arrives, she uses their confrontation as a chance to take the $2,000 from the man's wallet. Mike and Big Hank start a row. She then tries to hide in the bathroom to be able to make her getaway, only for Big Hank to shove Mike into her, causing her to fall into the edge of a marble sink and split her head open, swelling her head up, causing massive internal bleeding within her skull, killing her within minutes, sending Carmen to hell.
"Tonight, Carmen... and Karma... were on a collision course. And met head-on... in Mike's bathroom."
Transcript.
Narrator:
Carmen: You're so cute.
Mike: I'm not paying you.
Natasha Noriega:
Narrator: Tonight, Carmen... and Karma... were on a collision course. And met head-on...
Narrator: in Mike's bathroom.
Narrator: Mike was just a horny married guy.
Carmen: You're so cute.
Narrator: Carmen was a hooker looking to hustle a john. In the end, Mike didn't get laid, but Carmen sure got screwed!
| Pimp My Death |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Piss Offed
"Piss Offed", Way to Die #90, is the fourth death featured in "It's a Dead, Dead, Dead World", which aired on July 15, 2012.
Plot.
Tommy is a ski instructor who has a tendency to sleep with his students. Tommy's latest catch, Casey, complains about the cold so Tommy turns on his electric blanket. After having intercourse, Casey has to pee, and it is revealed then that Tommy has a urine fetish (Urolagnia), and he asks Casey to pee on him. The bed's worn out electric blanket shorts out as a result of the "golden shower", killing them both from electrocution.
| Piss Offed |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Pissed Off
"Pissed Off", Way to Die #210, is the fourth death to be featured in "", which aired on March 29, 2009.
Plot.
Irishmen Patty and Nick have two passions in life: golfing and drinking, not necessarily in that order. On a vacation to the United States, they proved to be much better drinkers than golfers. When Patty hit a slice to retrieve the ball, a rat ran up his pant leg, scratched him, and pissed on his leg, leaving an open wound to get infected. The Duffer's demise has already begun. A week later back in Ireland, Patty's health was declining and eventually, Patty died of leptospirosis, and after he died in the presence of Nick, the latter covers his fallen body with the blanket, thus sending him to heaven.
"Patty eventually calms down, and the two finish their match; but this golfer's next hole... will be six feet deep."
Transcript.
Narrator: Patty eventually calms down, and the two finish their match; but this golfer's next hole... will be six feet deep.
Narrator: It ended with Patty fading fast, not feeling up to par. He hit into the hazard and wound up taking a stroke.
Goof.
Crew/Equipment Visible: If you pay attention to the bottom right of your screen in the scene seconds before it goes to the men back in Ireland, you will see somebody's hand place the rat on the ground.
| Pissed Off |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Pneumonia Pregnancy
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| Pneumonia Pregnancy |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Poi Vey
"Poi Vey", Way to Die #96, is the sixth death to be featured in "Bringing in the Dead", which aired on January 6, 2010.
Plot.
Sheldon is an Orthodox Jew that is madly in love and obsessed with a hula dancer named Leilani in Hawaii. He moved from Brooklyn to open up a new jewelry store. He tries many things to woo her like leaving poi kreplach, serenading Jewish folk songs on a ukulele, and surfing, with all the attempts being futile. One evening, Sheldon was so overcome with desire, that he crashed a luau where Leilani was performing with her dance troupe. Later, he tried to propose to her, but failed since she wanted nothing to do with him. In his drunken stupor, he decides to stalk her and puts on a grass skirt and dances near torch jugglers. He gets too close and ignites on a nearby torch, causing him to burn to death and then blackened. Thus sending him to the afterlife.
Transcript.
Narrator: Sheldon wanted the one thing he couldn't have, but his dreams, along with everything else, went up in flames.
Goofs:.
Anachronisms: Though this death takes place in 1989, the cars parked are modern day.
Editing: When Sheldon is surfing, he's obviously on a green screen.
Plot Hole: Even though Leilani wanted nothing to do with Sheldon, she is smiling at his torch dancing. However, she might be impressed by his dancing all of a sudden, but it's never mentioned.
| Poi Vey |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Poker Face
"Poker Face", Way to Die #194, is the second death featured in "Sudden Death", which aired on December 22, 2010.
Plot.
An inmate on death row named Floyd receives a deck of playing cards from a friend by the name of Mickey to use in building a pipe bomb as part of an escape plan. He breaks a metal leg from his bed, packs it with torn-up cards and water, seals it with a piece from a broom he broke, and sets it on his cell's heater. After waiting some time for it to explode, Floyd picks it up only to have it detonate in his hands, due to the sudden mixing of the water and the cards' flammable nitrocellulose coating. Floyd dies from shrapnel injuries to his face.
"Did he forget something? Floyd checked the device. That's when his escape plan... blew up in his face."
Transcript.
Floyd: Hey!
Mickey: What?
Floyd: Did you get the Stuff!
Narrator: Did he forget something? Floyd checked the device. That's when his escape plan... blew up in his face.
Narrator: If Floyd's plan had worked, it would've been an escape for the ages. But it just... wasn't in the cards.
| Poker Face |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Polly Want To Crack Your Spine?
"Polly Want To Crack Your Spine?", Way to Die #571, is the fifth death to be featured in "Sor-Dead Affair", which aired on February 29, 2012.
Plot.
Lindsey is hired by the Mesa family to housesit for them while they head out on vacation. Lindsey is ordered by Mr. Mesa to have no guests over, but she doesn't follow their orders as she invites Mike, her boyfriend, over after they leave their house. The two of them begin making out when they hear the family's pet cockatiel (incorrectly referred to as a cockatoo) muttering phrases. The Mesa's had forgotten to tell Lindsey about the bird. Freaked out, Mike leaves in anger. Lindsey attempts to offer the bird a cracker in order to make it be quiet, but instead, it flies out of the cage. She chases the bird around the house, and finally catches up to it on top of the roof. Lindsey is about to catch the bird, but it flies off and startles her, causing her to fall of the roof and crash onto a glass table on the patio below. The glass cuts and slices her carotid artery, causing her to die from blood loss.
Transcript.
Narrator: Lindsey lied to get into people’s houses, but after she lost the homeowner’s cockatoo, fate stepped in... and flipped her the bird.
Bird: (Squawks) You’re dead!
| Polly Want To Crack Your Spine? |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Poly-Ass-Turd
"Poly-Ass-Turd", Way to Die #189, is the third death to be featured in "Eat, Pray, Die", which aired on August 8, 2011.
Plot.
Derek is a dirty scammer who first pretended to be a healer able to heal every disease known to man with the power of his gaze and then created an energy drink made of lemurs called "lemurnade". Now he's back pretending to be a self-help guru known as "The Fire Walker". Derek holds an outdoors $600 seminar for people with low self-confidence, which includes a test in which the patients have to walk over a bed of hot coals. When a patient complains the coals are too hot, the guru attempts to prove them wrong and walk over them himself.
However, he falls and is caught ablaze, with his polyester suit melting onto his skin causing fatal burns to his body and dies, despite the patients trying to put the fire out of him.
Transcript.
Derek: That's right, you and I, dig deep, find the trust...
Narrator: Derek Manly is a wolf dressed in a sheep suit.
Derek:
Narrator: Whether
Derek: Go the extra mile for me.
Narrator: He started as a new age healer from a sintacure any element with a supernatural power of his gaze.
Narrator: Next, he sold the phony power drink. Extracted from imported lemurs. His model: When life gives you lemurs, make lemurnade.
Derek: ""
Narrator: Derek's latest scam was as a self-help guru called the fire walker.
Derek: I believe in you; do you believe in yourself?
Narrator: $600 would buy you a spot
DJ Grothe: Physics
DJ Grothe:
Derek: Show us the meaning of trust.
Woman: Ow!! Ow!! Ow!! Ow!! Ow!! Ow!! Oh my god...! Ow!
Narrator: It was his first time out. And things weren't going so well.
Derek: How hard can it be?
Woman: Ow...!
Derek: Watch no hesitation. Watch me, rule, this fire pit.
Narrator: Derek was forced to demonstrate himself.
Derek: No pain, mastering the fire pit! No big deal!
Derek: (Screams)
Narrator: Looks like his new scam needs a little more work.
Eric Abrams: If a person is burned, wearing polyester or polyester blend material, caught in the
Narrator: Derek was a con-man who exploited people's fears and insecurities.
Derek: I believe in you, do you believe in yourself?
Narrator: But in the end, the "self-proclaimed self-health" guru couldn't help...
Narrator: himself.
| Poly-Ass-Turd |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Pop And Lox
| Pop And Lox |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Pop Goes The Cholo
"Pop Goes The Cholo", Way to Die #895, is the third death to be featured in "Better Them Than Us", which aired on March 16, 2011.
Plot.
Two street gang members named Juan and Eduardo take a third member named Enrique to a back alley ex-doctor named Mr. Stitches, who lost his license after having sex with his anesthetized patients previously, to treat a bullet wound to Enrique's chest. Eduardo ends up pistol whipping Mr. Stitches into unconsciousness after losing patience with him for the latter telling the former to shut up. With Mr. Stitches getting pistol whipped and knocked out cold, Juan and Eduardo decide to do the operation themselves, but due to them being unsure about what to do, they fail after inserting the tracheal tube down Enrique's esophagus, rather than the trachea, and end up hemorrhaging Enrique's stomach by filling it with air and causing it to explode, killing him.
| Pop Goes The Cholo |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Pop and Lox
"Pop and Lox", Way to Die #94, is the seventh and final death featured in "Die-abestic", which aired on February 1, 2012.
Plot.
Sophie Liebowitz (aka Sister Shmear) is an arrogant, Jewish-American break dancer. She and her crew "The Massapequa B-girls" were about to have a dance-off with "The Levittown Lady Breakers". Shmear also had a modified sound system on her car which boomed out sound waves at a sonic level. So at the dance-off, the two dance crews go toe to toe in a colossal dance showdown, and Sister Shmear decides to intervene. But in the middle of her dance, she dies of Sudden Arrhythmic Death Syndrome triggered by her high-energy dancing and the soundwaves disrupting the rhythm of her heart.
Transcript.
Narrator: Sister Shmear was throwing it down.
Narrator: Until she went down and stapled.
The Massapequa B-girl #2: Did you something, what's happening to girl?
Narrator: She was... dead, but why?
The Massapequa B-girl #1: I don't think she's breathing.
Narrator: She died from something called... SADS: Sudden Arrhythmic Death Syndrome. Failed cardiac arrest from extremely loud sound vibration.
Dr. Khyber Zaffarkhan: The intense sound was coming from the loudspeakers combined with the heavy physical activity, cause increase stress in our heart, causing it to fibrillate. The heart will be unable to pump blood throughout the rest of the body too, die instantly from SADS.
Sister Shmear: You ain't fresh.
Narrator: Sister Shmear tried to talk the talk, but in the end, it was the beat...
The Massapequa B-girl #2: Did you something, what's happening to girl?
Narrator: that beat her.
| Pop and Lox |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Pornicated
"Pornicated", way to die #746 is the sixth death to be featured on "Dead Wrongs" which aired on September 28th 2010.
Plot.
Jonathan Miller was an all-around porn addict. He loved everything about it. For more than 20 years he had been collecting it. Eventually, Jonathan ran out of room in his basement, so he emptied out his wife's vanity. That was the last straw, so his long-suffering wife had left him. But that didn't even sway Jonathan's porn addiction, but it would sway his health. For days he would stay up & watch hour after hour of triple-X gold. Jonathan wouldn't do this with his wife around, but now that she's not, he was out of control. He watched porn for so long that he neglected his nutrition. Jonathan's need for food eventually overcame his want for porn. But by then, he had been confused and disorientated. The porn that he had collected were stored in boxes, crates, & touts, and he stacked them like bricks up to the sealing. This eventually became a maze for the disoriented Jonathan. He started crawling on his hands & knees, desperately trying to escape the triple-X labyrinth. But, then his fortress of porn came crumbling down right on top of Jonathan. The boxes pinned him to the ground and he wasn't strong enough to crawl out. He then reached the final stage of dehydration, and expired, never being able to see the end of his porn maze.
Transcript.
Whore on TV: (Moaning) Harder!! Harder!!!
Narrator: Jonathan Miller is someone who lives, and breathes and sweats pornography.
Jonathan: This is what it's all about.
Narrator: For years he's been stashing and stacking a pile of smut, as big as a house:
Narrator: His house.
Brian Zolenski: In a high times, on my porn addiction, I masturbated 12 times a day. When porn takes over your life, you getting trouble at work, on your spouse, your friends and even get viruses on your computer.
Narrator: His dirty obsession made his loving wife for 35 years so crazy,
-Jonathan's wife: Don't put your porn on my vanity. Oh, for God sake!<br>
-Jonathan: Oh,
Narrator: but one day, she had enough.
Jonathan's wife: I'm leaving you.
Narrator: With wifey not there to take care of him,
Narrator: Jonathan started circling the drain.
-Whore on TV: (Moans)<br>
-Narrator: He got so lost in pornville, he neglected he... hadn't drink anything. To the point where he started suffering from dehydration.
Dr. George Fallieras: Dehydration is simply loss your total body water and water is bottle for every function of every cell of your body. And most people they have intact first mechanism and to that point we were able to replenish a water supply prevent dehydration.
Jonathan: Oh...
Narrator: He became increasingly disoriented.
Jonathan: I gotta get out of here...
Dr. George Fallieras: The free word to fund stage is dehydration, a mob of dehydration, to the 5% loss in total body water. People can have a dry mouth and they feel light-headed, modern dehydration 5 to 9% loss of total body water. He'll not wope to cut to zero.
Narrator: Jonathan's condition worsen to the point where he kept losing his way. In his "maze of madness".
Jonathan: Oh my god... Oh, I can't even walk anymore...
Narrator: The last straw came an abolange of triple-X junk.
Jonathan: Oh...
Narrator: Too weak to move, he reached the final stage of dehydration, and expired.
Dr. George Fallieras: Severe dehydration, preview that 10% loss of total body water, which is a medical emergency, severe headache, severe nausea and blood pressure would drop, the heartrate would rise rapidly, all the organs would fail and would die from a fatal .
-Jonathan's wife: Don't put your porn on my vanity.<br>
-Jonathan: Oh,
-Jonathan's wife: I'm leaving you.<br>
-Narrator: Jonathan should've tossed all of his smut in the dumpster, but instead,
Jonathan: I gotta get out of here...
Narrator: he wound up in a grave of his own making.
| Pornicated |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Potty Mouth
"Potty Mouth", Way to Die #282, is the sixth death to be featured in "Fatal Distractions", which aired on October 5, 2010.
Plot.
Sheila is an executive of a failing mediocre savings-and-loans house. She comes home to find her neighbor, Marty, asking about the batteries he found in her trash, and she responds by threatening to shove them up his ass. Due to the stress of her job, Sheila is also a geophagia. In simpler terms, she was a dirt eater. And what closer dirt is there than Marty's dirt? She grabs scoops some of the dirt, and eats it. Marty catches her, and she runs back home. What Sheila didn't know was that the dirt Marty produced was mixed with his own fecal matter. Sheila eats Marty's mix until 3 days later and dies from a H.U.S. (Hemolytic-uremic syndrome) due to E.coli poisoning and a ruptured colon caused by the bacteria. Sending the stupid executive geophage to Hell.
”"For Sheila, 'rocky road' was a big bowl of Marty's organic soil."”
Transcript.
Narrator: Sheila and Marty were neighbors.
Marty: Uh, Sheila?
Narrator: Which means to say they hated each other.
Sheila: What is it, Marty?
Narrator: Marty was an overzealous eco warrior.
Marty: I found these... batteries in your trash.
Sheila: Well, how about this: next time, I'll shove them up your ass, Marty.
Narrator: Sheila was an executive at a failing savings and loan. Lately, stress has caused her to act very strangely.
Narrator: It's turned her into a geophage, which meant she liked to eat dirt.
Stacy Kaiser: Geophagia is a disorder where a person is either eating the dirt because they're lacking something nutritionally, or because they're using it to manage their anxiety and stress.
Marty: What the hell are you doing to my dirt, Sheila?
Narrator: For Sheila, rocky road was a big bowl of Marty's organic soil.
Marty: Sheila?
Narrator: But what she didn't realize was that Marty's dirt was a homemade mixture compost and his own waste matter.
Dr. Reza Jamehdor: When someone ingests fecal matter, they're ingesting the waste product of our digestive system. They can contract several diseases, one of those being E.coli.
Narrator: Sheila had contracted a virulent strain of E.coli. Her symptoms included nausea and diarrhea, but no fever. She thought she had a mild flu and didn't bother to see a doctor.
Narrator: But after 3 days, the E.coli bacteria inflamed her colon and spread throughout her digestive tract.
Narrator: Eventually, her kidneys began to fail, poisoning the rest of her body.
Narrator: Within a week, Sheila was dead.
Dr. Reza Jamehdor: The more virulent strains of E.coli can actually cause what we call bloody diarrhea, and this resulted in not only hemorrhage or bleeding, but it can actually invade the kidneys. And at this point, it can overwhelm the body's defense mechanism.
Narrator: Sheila ate dirt like there was no tomorrow.
Narrator: After chowing down on Marty’s soiled soil, there wasn’t any.
| Potty Mouth |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Pratted
| Pratted |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Premature Endings
"Premature Endings", Way to Die #1000, is the seventh and final death to be featured in "Sor-Dead Affair", which aired along with "Locked and Low Dead" as the one-hour season finale on February 29, 2012.
Plot.
Sharon Levy Memorial Hospital's patients were dying of different causes: germs, toxins, injuries, illnesses, catastrophes, calamities, their own stupidity. Examples shown include: a drunk driver with a steering wheel in his intestines, a pervert with a broken soda bottle lodged up his rectum, a woman with a knife in her stomach after falling off a ladder while holding it, a man who sliced his own leg off with his table saw while drunk, a woman with scissors in her neck, another woman with a tennis ball lodged in her head, a man who lit a match when he got caught in a gas leak, and another with a hard white stick in his neck.
However, there was one patient that stood out from the crowd; he is dying peacefully of old age. He has lived a long and healthy life and was always loyal to his friends and family. His daughter, oblivious to everyone else, was the only person to see him go. Though it's disheartening for her to see him pass on, she's glad to know that he's headed to a better place.
List of deaths shown.
Before meeting with the patient dying peacefully.
""1000 Ways to Die has a lot of fun mocking all the dumbasses who manage to die...in the most idiotic of circumstances. But ideally, that's not how we wanna go, is it?""
After meeting with the patient dying peacefully.
""In the end, the choice is yours. You can be a total moron...die a victim of your own stupidity, and wind up on our show...or live a long and sensible life...and go home and watch it. All this time, 1000 Ways to Die has been an instructional manual...for how to live.""
| Premature Endings |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Pretty Fly For a Dead Guy
| Pretty Fly For a Dead Guy |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Pretty Fly for a Dead Guy
"Pretty Fly for a Dead Guy", Way to Die #680, is the first death to be featured on "Tweets From the Dead", which originally aired on March 26th 2012.
Plot.
Egon is a nerdy weirdo who has an extreme hatred for bugs: he can't stand their very existence. Egon will collect bugs to torture and kill. Then, he decides to take things to a new level by covering a wall of his house with homemade flypaper coated with cyanoacrylate. The paste is so strong and it manages to stick two of his fingers together. When he is finished, he gazes back at his work. Little does Egon know, his creation will be the death of him. Then a mosquito shows up, as if to mock him, and Egon swats at it with his flyswatter, only to stump over the bucket of adhesive and become stuck to his wall, completely immobilized. He struggles and thrashes, desperately trying to escape his ordeal while screaming for help, but it is completely useless because no one comes to his aide. After 2 days completely stuck to the wall, he pees in his pants and loses all control of his bladder. About 5 days later, Egon is scared, weak, dirty, teetering on the edge of life, until he inevitably dies of dehydration. But the story doesn't end there. The bugs that survive Egon's manic tortures escape. They smell his rotting corpse and they devour him. They also lay eggs in his rectum and other internal organs. They eat, and eat, and eat until Egon is completely reduced to a skeleton.
Transcript.
Egon: I hate all bugs.
Narrator: Say hello to Egon.
Narrator: A mosquito
Egon: I peed myself (crying)
Narrator: After a week of being pinned to the wall, Egon succumbs to dehydration... and the bugs move in.
Egon: I hate all bugs.
Narrator: Egon wanted all bugs to be gone. But then his super fly paper turned into die paper. In the end, he went from a no-fly zone to Meet the Beatles.
| Pretty Fly for a Dead Guy |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Pretty Fly for a dead guy.
| Pretty Fly for a dead guy. |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Princess of Darkness
| Princess of Darkness |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Pris-un-done
"Pris-un-done", Way to Die #181, is the third death to be featured in "Sor-Dead Affair", which aired on February 29, 2012.
Plot.
Spider is a prison inmate at the New Mexico State Penitentiary, where he is feared by many for his intimidating personality. Due to the tension between prison inmates, the prison guards were sent in to calm things down, but a riot broke out between the inmates and guards. In the meantime, Spider waits in his cell for the riot to calm down to make his move. Spider takes a guard hostage with a shiv to his neck when several other guards come on the scene wearing riot gear. Spider orders the guards not to move or else he will kill the hostage. One guard launches a can of tear gas, which hits Spider directly in his trachea, shutting down his airway and killing him instantly.
| Pris-un-done |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Pulled Pork
Pulled Pork, Way to Die #351, is the fourth death to be featured in "A New App Called Death", which aired on April 2, 2012.
Plot.
Elmer is a funny looking redneck who is trying to harvest pig sperm to sell on the black market. Elmer spots Brandon, a blue-ribbon prized pig whose sperm is like juicy gold. When the pig's squeals wake up the farmer, he hides behind a tree. The farmer comes out with a shotgun. After a few seconds of looking, the farmer goes back inside. When Elmer goes back to trying to collect more sperm, he trips over the bucket and accidentally hits his head on a metal fence, knocking himself out. Brandon the Pig then decides to finish some business and starts to eat out the man's intestines as revenge. By the time Elmer awakens, it's too late. He dies from his intestines and colon being ripped out by the pig's jaws. Brandon munches out the poor man's corpse all night long.
| Pulled Pork |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Pussy Whipped
"Pussy Whipped", Way to Die #88, is the fourth death to be featured in "Death Watch", which aired on January 27, 2010.
Plot.
Peter begrudgingly agrees to take care of his girlfriend Annie's pet cat, Rocky, while she is away on a business trip. Little does she know that he hates and is allergic to cats. To pass time away and dull his girlfriend's frustration, he drinks heavily, becoming more aggressive as he did so. He tries to kick the cat, misses by a mile, slips on the rug he's standing on, and he hits his head on the fireplace slab, losing consciousness in the process. Peter then rolls over and lands on the cat's water dish face-down, and drowns from breathing in the water. Sending the cat abuser to Hell.
"Finally it was time to get in the ring with Rocky. But it was hardly an even match. Cats are smart... drunks are stupid."
Transcript.
Annie: Okay. And you know how to feed Rocky, right?
Peter: Yep.
-Narrator: Sometimes the journey to hell can start with an innocent conversation.<br>
-Rocky: (Meows)
-Annie: ...Rocky, I talked to him, and he's excited for some mail-bonding time, 'cause he's always just been stuck the field for... I know...<br>
-Rocky: (Meows)
-Narrator: Peter is receiving last minute instructions on taking care of his girlfriend, Annie's cat. While she goes off on the business trip.<br>
-Rocky: (Meows)
Annie: You have to check the feces and make sure that there's no worms there.
-Rocky: (Meows)<br>
-Narrator: Cat feces and the worms, wasn't his idea of fun week. But, he was being a good guy.
Peter: I've been take care of the cat. But you know I'm allergic.
-Narrator: Not only Peter was allergic, he secretly hated cats and everything about them.<br>
-Rocky: (Meows)
-Annie: Okay, so, you know to feed him twice a day, and oh...<br>
-Rocky: (Meows)
Dr. Lori Buckley: There's so many people I have profound. Who complain that their partners who are cat owners... that they treat their...cats little bit better than they treat them.
-Annie: I love you. Take care of him, a good shower, boogey on the little, bye-bye Rocky.<br>
-Narrator: A hurry peck on the cheek, a quick goodbye and a door closes, leaving Peter alone,
-Narrator: with his nemesis.<br>
-Peter: Bye.
Rocky: (Meows)
Peter: Stay the hell away from me...!
Rocky: (Meows)
Rocky: (Growls)
-Narrator: The cat's name's Rocky.<br>
-Rocky: (Meows)
Narrator: Which was exactly how things were about to get.
Peter: (Sneezes)
-Narrator: Soon enough, Peter was a sneezing, whizzing fountain of snot.<br>
-Peter: (Sneezes)
Peter: I hate you.
Narrator: Peter thought... if he had to suffer, he might as well crack open the bottle and getting drunk as possible.
-Narrator: But the drunker he got, the worse he felt. And the more he regretted this decision to babysit Annie's stupid cat.<br>
-Peter: (Sneezes) Oh... god... No.<br>
-Rocky: (Meows)
Peter: (Sneezes as he spits alcohol)
Narrator: Finally it was time to get in the ring with Rocky. But it was hardly an even match.
Peter: (Sneezes)
Narrator: Cats are smart...
-Narrator: drunks are stupid.<br>
-Peter: You know what I'm saying?<br>
-Rocky: (Meows)<br>
-Peter: You know what I'm saying?!
Rocky: (MEOWS)
Dr. S. Thomas Carmichael: When somebody hits their head really hard,
Dr. S. Thomas Carmichael: a fluid way to synth through the brain due to the impact,
Dr. S. Thomas Carmichael: then stretches the connections between brain cells and directly stuns the brain cells themselves. That's what the is. If it happens to be in a small pool of water, they're out and they're not gonna recognize that they're dying.
Narrator: Knocked out his face in the pet bowl, Peter's sucked in all the water and drowned. Did he learn any life lessons? Never get in a fight with a cat named Rocky.
Rocky: (Meows)
| Pussy Whipped |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Putting A Funny Face On Death
| Putting A Funny Face On Death |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Putting A Smiley Face On Death
Putting A Smiley Face On Death.
A crude boss takes a leak and bleeds out / A proctologist gets rear-ended / A liposuction between two friends goes wrong / A waiter makes a fatal mistake that kills three Russian hitmen / A viking who crosses the line gets his back split open / A hippie tries to save a raccoon, but a truck comes by and decapitates her / A woman who grabs the attention of everyone during a thunderstorm, but bolts too quickly
"1000 Ways to Die" Episode 26.
Originally aired September 14, 2010.
Title reference: This is the second episode to do so; first was "Putting a Happy Face on Death".
-- This is the Original Episode --
Fat-ality.
Way to Die #400
On May 15, 2006, in Austin, TX. An obese man dreams of becoming a bodybuilder, but is too lazy to exercise and cannot afford to pay for a liposuction. The man requests the aid of a friend to perform a rather unorthodox method of liposuction on him by using a shop-vac. During the procedure, the friend accidentally latches onto the man's intestines and begins sucking them out. The friend manages to turn off the shop-vac, but turns it off too late and the man dies from blood loss and shock.
Alt death - Fatty Splatty
Trivia: This segment has also been used for "".
Catch and Decease.
Way to Die #608
On June 17, 2008, at the Amazon River. A man named Jeffrey Miller in the Amazon hires a group of natives to search for gold and abuses them like scapegoats while they are doing so. While swimming in a river nearby from the men, he relieves himself in the river, which attracts a candiru, which enters his penis and attaches itself to the side of his urethra. The man rips the fish out, along with much of the inside of his penis, and is soon eaten alive by bloodthirsty piranhas attracted by the escaping blood, much to the amusement of the men he had hired.
Alt names - No Candiru
Trivia: This segment has also been used for "Top 100 Deaths".
Gas Holed.
Way to Die #278
On January 5, 2009, in Palm Beach, FL. A proctologist with a fetish for women's rears begins to operate on a pole dancer who damaged her rectum during a porno movie shoot. Prior to the operation, the doctor forgets to advise her not to eat anything 12 hours before the operation. On the day of the operation, the doctor's cauterizer ignites the woman's flatulence (due to a chili dog she ate), creating a fireball which travels through the doctor's windpipe and incinerates his lungs.
Alt names - Dr. Assman
Note: This segment was otherwise known as "Fireball Gas Attack".
Back Stabbed.
Way to Die #869
In 10th century (around 950 A.D.), in Scotland. The king of a Viking clan leads a campaign of marauding, leaving his younger brother in charge during his expedition. The younger Viking celebrates by having sex with the women. When the queen tries to shut it down, he rapes her. A few months later, when the king returns, he catches his brother in bed with his wife and sentences him to die by the blood eagle, in which the victim is stabbed in the back and his lungs are pulled out of his body, causing the victim's lungs to deflate from lack of pressure and the victim to suffocate.
Alt names - Blood Eagle
Trivia: This segment has also been used for "".
USSR-Dead.
Way to Die #617
On October 12, 1989, at Brighton Beach, NY. A Ukrainian immigrant seeking to join the Russian Mafia is asked by two mobsters to beat down several patsy's for not paying their debts. After doing so, the mobsters burn the man's fingertips with sulfuric acid so that he will not leave fingerprints. To celebrate the man joining the mafia, the elderly and senile bartender pours drinks for the mobsters. However, he mistakenly picks up the acid instead of the vodka bottle due to the two bottles and liquid looking exactly alike. None of the men notice until it's too late, and the acid dissolves their tissue and organs, killing them.
Alt names - Fools Russian
Cardiac-A-Breast.
Way to Die #55
On August 2, 2006, in Galena, IL. A woman about to go out for a party, hoping to end with a date, wears a metal-lined bra to improve the shape of her bust. A sudden thunderstorm allows her to show herself off, getting the attention of everyone at the party, until a bolt of lightning hits the woman's metal bra, killing her instantly.
Alt names - Zapped Rack
Road Killed.
Way to Die #303
On July 10, 2008, in Bend, OR. A nature-loving hippie on her way to a hemp convention accidentally runs over a raccoon. Distraught, she tries to perform CPR on the animal and, while looking up to inhale, gets decapitated by the bumper of a passing truck whose driver did not see her in the middle of the road.
Alt name - De-Natured
This segement is otherwise known as "Curiosity Killed The Hippie".
Trivia: This segment has also been used for "".
Visit the 1000 Ways to Die website at: www.spike.com/shows/1000-ways-to-die.
| Putting A Smiley Face On Death |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Putting a Happy Face on Death
Putting A Happy Face On Death.
"1000 Ways to Die" Episode 16.
Originally aired December 30, 2009.
-- This is the Original Episode --
Note: A sequel to this episode was made 9 months later, titled Putting A Smiley Face On Death.
Rub-A-Dubbed Out.
Way to Die #712
On August 27, 2004, in Tulsa, OK. A man who has stolen a bag of groceries from a blind pregnant woman hides in a car wash to escape police. The car wash owner runs the daily maintenance check, and the thief becomes disoriented by the chaos inside the car wash. During his struggle to find the exit, his head becomes impaled by a 1,000 PSI spray nozzle, which fills his skull with water. The force of the water pressure inside his skull eventually causes his head to explode.
Trivia: This segment has also been used for "Top 100 Deaths".
Cock-A-Doodle-Die.
Way to Die #616
On May 19, 2007, in Santa Fe, NM. A man named Maldito cheats in a cockfighting competition by putting a razor blades on his rooster's feet. His rooster El Caliente kills his opponent's rooster Corazon almost right away, and his opponent Fernando notices the razor blades. He lets the crowd know about it, and they become an angry mob. As they are about to attack/kill the cheater, his own rooster's razors slice his jugular vein open and he bleeds to death.
Alt names - Razored Rooster
Chucked Up.
Way to Die #534
On August 2, 2008, in Miami, FL. A woman is acting out a bondage fantasy with her husband through a live webcam when a burglar breaks into the house and begins stealing things. The woman's mouth is duct-taped and she is handcuffed to her chair, so she cannot escape, stop the burglar, or scream for help. After taking her laptop, he leans over her face to thank her for making his job easy before running off with her things. Smelling the thief's extremely bad breath, she vomits, but the duct tape prevents it from exiting her mouth. Instead, it goes down her windpipe into her lungs and she dies from drowning.
Note: This marks the first time the bad guy actually gets away unscathed.
Little Person, Big Death.
Way to Die #332
On March 19, 2007, in Houston, TX. Two dwarf professional wrestlers battle for a crowd and get paid a lot of money. They celebrate by getting drunk and having sex with some women. The drunk dwarves destroy everything in their hotel room in an effort to impress the women. They finish off by running head-on into a wall, trying to break it. One breaks through, but the other hits the part of the wall supported by a 2x4 stud, and the veins inside his head burst. He dies from a combination of brain swelling and bleeding.
Booby-Zapped.
Way to Die #254
On July 12, 2009, in Tucson, AZ. A man, paranoid to the point of paralysis and insomnia over current events, places booby-traps around his house to protect himself. To get some much-needed sleep, he takes some sleeping pills, but the pills come with the side-effect of sleepwalking. Later that night, the man sleepwalks to his refrigerator to get some food, managing to escape every trap he placed along the way. However, when he sits down to eat, a laser-operated shotgun is triggered, shooting him in the head.
Alt names - Booby Trapped
ReToaded.
Way to Die #234
On September 6, 2003, in Huacaña, Peru. Two men create a video diary of their world search for the ultimate high. They end up in Peru looking for the Colorado River toad, but pick up the yellow-banded poison dart frog instead. They lick the toad's secretions, believing this will get them high, but the frog’s poison paralyzes them and shuts down their hearts.
Alt names - Poison Frog Attack
Vegged Out.
Way to Die #114
On August 13, 2004, in Naperville, IL. After landing a date with a bicyclist, a gardener picks a zucchini as an aid on which to practice fellatio. While walking around with the vegetable in her mouth, she steps on the blade of a hoe. This forces the hoe's stick upwards and it hits the zucchini, which lodges in the gardener's throat and chokes her to death.
Alt names - Vegetable Strikes
Die Laughing.
Way to Die #195
On April 5, 2006, in Omaha, Nebraska. Jimmy, a hazardous material removal worker enjoys getting high off nitrous oxide (laughing gas). Jimmy experiments with a gas mask, hooking it up to a tank of nitrous oxide and pumping it full of the stuff. Wanting to take his high to the next level, he dons his Hazmat suit and connects it to the nitrous oxide tank which fills up automatically. After a few minutes of breathing in nothing but laughing gas, he suffocates and dies.
Visit the 1000 Ways to Die website at: www.spike.com/shows/1000-ways-to-die.
| Putting a Happy Face on Death |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Putting a sad face on death
| Putting a sad face on death |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Quakenado
mrbobbilly was here, please edit me! (march 19 2018)
Anyone seen this episode? (mrbobbilly may 30 2018 9:35 pm)
| Quakenado |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Queens
| Queens |
fandom.1000waystodie | # R.I.P.-PED
"R.I.P.-PED", Way to Die #673, is the fourth death featured in "", which aired on December 8, 2010.
Plot.
Ted, a 70-year-old man, pumped muscle like he was in a 35-year-old body. He not only relied on bodybuilding and his own equipment, but also his own juicer, which he truly loved. With a three quarter horsepower engine, it's razor-sharp blades spun at over 60 miles per hour. It sliced the raw produce into bits, and then centrifugal force separated out into juice. He used his juicer to a pulp to maintain his muscles, including dozens of pineapples, stalks of celery and anything else Ted could squeeze in. However, after years of abuse, one of the wires shorted out, causing it to overheat and suddenly explode. The force of the explosion sent the blade flying, impaling itself in Ted's neck, severing his carotid artery, causing massive hemorrhaging. When the smoke cleared, Ted was dead.
Transcript.
Narrator:
Pauline Nordin:
Ted:
Narrator: The only thing Ted truly loved was his juicer. With a 3-quarter horsepower engine, its razor-sharp blades spun at over 60 miles per hour. It sliced the raw produce into bits, and then centrifugal force separated out the juice. Ted worked his juicer to a pulp. Dozens of pineapples, stalks of celery and anything else Ted could squeeze in. But, Ted's juicer had an expiration date. After years of abuse, one of the wires shorted out. The juicer overheated, and suddenly went...boom. When the smoke cleared, Ted...was dead.
Dr. Reza Jamehdor:
Narrator: Ted was a big old bull moose who liked to juice. But then his juicer blew a gasket, and Ted wound up in a casket.
| R.I.P.-PED |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Radioactivate-Dead
| Radioactivate-Dead |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Radioactivate-dead
"Radioactivate-dead", Way to Die #304, is the fourth death to be featured in "Cure for the Common Death, Part II", which aired on December 15, 2010.
Plot.
A Russian spy named Anatoli turns traitor and starts selling secrets to the U.S., clueless that his employers have been watching and photographing him the entire time. Instead of firing him, one worker disguises himself as a vendor where Anatoli went every morning. He puts a lethal dose of , a radioactive substance 250,000 times more toxic than cyanide, into Anatoli's coffee. Within 21 days (3 weeks) he died of acute radiation poisoning.
"A week later, Anatoli was in the hospital for acute radiation poisoning. 21 days after that, he took his last breath... and died."
Transcript.
Narrator: They say that just before you die, your whole life flashes before your eyes.
Narrator: Anatoli spent the last seconds of his life, trying to figure it out the last month.
Narrator: That's because 4 weeks earlier, he was a perfectly healthy Russian intelligence agent.
Narrator: But, Anatoli let the double-dealing double life.
Narrator: He was actually a traitor. Who sold Russian secrets to the United States.
Danno Hanks: A spy... becomes a spy, either for money...
Danno Hanks: or because... they're not satisfied with the job the government is doing. So they decide to... feed information...to the opposition, hopes of overthrowing the government that's running the country.
Narrator: Anatoli didn't realize it,
Narrator: but his old employer had been onto him. Now they had the proof they need it, to terminate his position, permanently.
Narrator: The first rule of espionage is: never be a creature of habit.
Narrator: And that was Anatoli's fatal flaw. He stopped for coffee at the same stand everyday.
Anatoli: Coffee black with sugars.
Narrator: Today's blend featured a lethal dose of Polonium-210.
Narrator: A radioactive isotope, 250,000 times more toxic than cyanide.
Danno Hanks: Polonium-210 is... a dangerous...radiation poison.
Danno Hanks: You take several days for someone to die. Which allows the person who administrators it to get away...
Narrator: A week later, Anatoli was in the hospital for acute radiation poisoning. 21 days after that, he took his last breath...
Anatoli: (BREATHES)
Narrator: and died.
Dr. Vahe Ghazikhanian: Polonium-210 is an alpha meter. The alphas at these energies, they can attack kidneys, they can destroy cells, it can destroy the , so it's a multiple organ failure type of situation.
Narrator: When a spy goes bad, bad things happened.
Narrator: For Anatoli,
Anatoli: Coffee black with sugars.
Narrator: he got lit up,
Narrator: and then went lights out.
Narrator: "До свидания (Do svidaniya)" (Goodbye), Comrade.
Segment Description.
Description as seen on the Spike TV website
| Radioactivate-dead |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Radioactive-Dead
| Radioactive-Dead |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Radium Girls
Radium Girls, Way to Die #196, is the fourth death featured in "Cure for the Common Death, Part I", which aired on March 22, 2009.
Plot.
In the 1920s, Wendy and a group of women work at a factory that uses paint containing radium to create fluorescent watch faces. Wendy and the women notice that the paint also glows when applied to their skin. They eventually expose themselves to huge amounts of radiation after repeated applications (mostly using the radioactive paint as glow-in-the-dark body paint for their lovers during sex). Wendy was one of the first women to die from bone cancer, and six of her surviving colleagues joined together and filed one of the first successful workers' rights lawsuits against the company and won, leading to increased safety standards in American workplaces. Wendy is now sent to heaven, where all of the Radium Girls will surely meet her one day.
"It turns out the company knew all along about the harmful effects of radium, yet they allowed the girls to ingest it daily."
Transcript.
Narrator: In the 1920s, women would often hire to perform tasks,
Narrator: team too delicate or medio for men. That's how Wendy got hired onto an all-female work crew at radium corporation.
Narrator: A New Jersey company that made military watches and clocks. Wendy and her co-workers were given a job of painting the numerus on watch faces.
Narrator: They used a new kind of paint called .
Dr. Kim Henderson: The... glown the dark fluid that they were using to paint, the faces and watch, the reason why it glows, it's because it's radioactive and its compound called ... What causes problems and for this...woman... is that she probably ingested it...
Narrator: This kind of detail work was exacting. To keep the tip of their paint brushes pointed, the ladies were tor to wipe excess paint off of their lips. The radium girls discovered undark had a hidden benefit.
Wendy: Lips lick can lips.
Narrator: They can apply each other and literally make themselves radiate.
Dr. Kim Henderson: Once it's in the body, it mimics . And so your body accorporates into bone... and so a lot of these women ended up getting . But it'll also cause damage...anywhere that it...came in contact, if they were ingesting it, they will cause damage in the stomach, the intestines, the throat, the tongue, mouth...
Narrator: Wendy thought it would be fun to use her new look. To light up her sex life.
Wendy: Uh-huh? Is it kinda sexy?
Wendy's Husband: Won't you get over here, little glow worm?
Wendy: (Giggles)
Narrator: Numerous times, Wendy and her husband played peek-a-boo with the magic paint. But before long, they realized that something about this cutting-edge technology, was making Wendy bleed, in the most bizarre places.
Dr. Kim Henderson: Radiation... causes DNA damage and caused mutation, and that's why... when...the radium is accorporate to bone, it has a long time... to Seburn damage, the soft tissue there inside the bone, and that can lead to cancer to bone cancer.
Narrator: It turns out the company knew all along about the harmful effects of radium, yet they allowed the girls to ingest it daily.
Narrator: Wendy was one of the first to die.
Narrator: But 6 of her colleagues banded together in the first success for worker's right lawsuit. Overcoming years of denial and foul-play, the Radium Girls lead to higher safety standards across America.
| Radium Girls |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Raider of the Lost Narc
"Raider of the Lost Narc", Way to Die #271, is the fourth death to be featured in "Death Be a Lady Tonight", which aired on July 25, 2011.
Plot.
A junkie named Courtney snuck into the garage door of the hospital after sending the ambulances out by making a bogus 911 call. She smuggled several bottles of morphine and tried to rush out through the closing garage door. But, she dropped a couple of bottles and when she tried to reach for them, the door with the broken safety switch crushed her to death.
Transcript.
Narrator: This is Courtney. She's being crushed by an unforgiving garage door.
Narrator: Somebody should call an ambulance.
| Raider of the Lost Narc |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Raphael Gabon
Raphael Gabon is a private chef. He was firstly interviewed these deaths in "Chef Boy-R-Dead".
| Raphael Gabon |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Re-Coiled
"Re-Coiled", Way to Die #47, is the second death to be featured in "The Good, The Bad, and the Dead", which aired on March 8, 2009.
Plot.
Jake is a hunter who walks around his forest. Jake then has to go to the bathroom unaware he has a rifle. He puts down his rifle with the barrel facing upwards but fails to notice a snake curling around his trigger. When he finishes, he goes to pick up his rifle but when he picks it up, (with the barrel being aimed at his heart), the snake squeezes the trigger causing the gun to fire at his heart, killing him instantly.
"While draining the snake in his hand, Jake failed to see the one in the bush..."
Transcript.
Narrator: Jake believed that any day now, humanity would be wiped out in some cataclysmic event. He was determined to survive come hell or high water. Living off the grid, alone and isolated, Jake spent every waking hour in the state of paranoia. He patrolled his land for any intruder who might threaten his space.
Narrator: It was a job that required constant vigilance.
Narrator: While draining the snake in his hand, Jake failed to see the one in the bush... Like a devil in disguise, a 6-foot speckled ... went straight for Jake's rifle.
Matthew Steinberg: Snakes a loft and find some place warm to help body at 'em. And um...the way that can digest their food, snakes don't make thrown heat inside, so they need to... get outside the heat.
Narrator: The snake wrapped itself around the budobject gun, and through the trigger loop, as Jake made sure, not to let the last drops, go down his pants. Those few extra shakes would prove faithful.
Jake: Oh!
Narrator: Maybe the snake got spooked by Jake and... tenched up around the trigger... Maybe the snake was sent to deliver a message. But what's clear is: the snake, managed to pull the trigger, right where the gun was pointed...
-Narrator: at Jake's heart.<br>
-Jake: Oh! Oh...
Matthew Steinberg: The snake definitely like to kinda looting in the tight spaces and it may uh... just wraps around the er... trigger of the gun...
Narrator: The bullet blasted a 4-inch hole on Jake's . Piercing his heart. Death was instantaneous.
Narrator: In the end, Jake successfully avoided the apocalypse by permanently isolating himself from humanity.
-Jake: Oh! Oh...<br>
-Narrator: But he never learned that if the barbarians of the gate don't get you... the snake in the grass will.
| Re-Coiled |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Re-Formed
"Re-Formed", Way to Die #312, is the fourth death featured in "The Good, The Bad, and the Dead", which aired on March 8, 2009.
Plot.
A thief named Griff runs and trespasses into a private property. Griff gets a box out of a truck, but he soon got caught by a cop and another guy. They both chased Griff, but he soon found a way to escape. He hides in a dumpster, which is then emptied into a garbage truck. The garbage truck carries away the dumpster where Griff is hiding in. Griff screams for help, but nobody hears him. When more garbage is emptied on top of him, Griff is trapped and the load of garbage is compacted, losing consciousness shortly after, crushing him. His bones snapped one-by-one, and eventually his vital organs burst from the severe pressure. This type of disintegration soon turns him into a mess by the time the truck finishes its compacting process.
"Hidden underneath yesterday's lunch, Griff has once again eluded the man, but not the machine. While he was getting cozy with the cockroaches, fate turned his world upside-down..."
Transcript.
Guy: Hey! Are you kidding me now come here! Hey!! COME HERE!!!
| Re-Formed |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Re-Possessed
| Re-Possessed |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Re-Tired
"Re-Tired", Way to Die #347, is the third death featured in "Death Gets Busy", which aired on February 22, 2009.
Plot.
Phil Harden is a tire shop co-owner who is addicted to pornography, due to his collection of porn magazines. One day at work, he reads a new release of one of his porn magazines while inflating a truck tire. Distracted by the magazine, Phil forgets to check on the tire, and the tire starts to become a ticking time bomb. After a while, the tire explodes from over-inflation, lodging pieces of shrapnel from the metal tire rim into his brain and killing him.
"It came down to this: Which would pop first? Phil...or the tire?"
Transcript.
Phil: Hmm. Hmm.
Narrator: Phil Harden is a stone, cold, smug addict.
Narrator: He lives it,
Phil: Hmm.
Narrator: he breathes it,
Phil: Ah, god...
Narrator: he reads it,
Phil: Aah...
Narrator: he needs it.
Phil: Hmm, aah...
Narrator: Phil's got it made. His no skill job at tire shop allows him for work and play at the same time.
Dr. Ava Cadell: What makes somebody a sex addict is... what makes somebody a drug addict or an alcoholic addict... they... overconsumed. It's more important than the family, it's more important than a work, they don't care if they destroy their health, it's all they think about day and night.
Narrator: Phil thought his porn obsession was harmless, he wasn't hurting anyone.
Narrator: And then one day he sat down with the new issue of Horndog, and a large truck tire. His foot was upon the air hose but his mind was still down in the gunner.
Phil: Hmm. Hmm...
Bryan Tashjian: Live often said tires are ticking timebomb, if you're not paying attention, you're gonna have a problem. It can be catastrophic. It'll kill you or sumamain you, um, take out an eye, break an arm, break your neck, take piece of your body...
Narrator: It came down to this:
Phil: Ah...
Narrator: Which would pop first? Phil...or the tire?
Phil: Ah... Ah... Ah...
Narrator: The tire and steel rim exploded simultaneously.
Narrator: Launching heavy shrapnel at the Phil's forehead...
Narrator: from less than a yard away.
Dr. Khyber Zaffarkhan: Just a blunt force of large piece of tire hitting... in the head, can cause contusion...
Dr. Khyber Zaffarkhan: that's strong enough to cause the traumatic brain injury. He had actually pieces at in the skull, lodged in the skull, damages the brain directly. Which innovate itself can cause neurogenic shock, which can cause someone to die as well.
Narrator: You know what they say, porno is bad for you.
Phil: Ah...
Narrator: It'll rot your brain.
| Re-Tired |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Re-Tired (347)
| Re-Tired (347) |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Re-Tired (412)
| Re-Tired (412) |
fandom.1000waystodie | # ReTired
"ReTired", Way to Die #412, is the seventh and last death to be featured in "Bringing in the Dead", which aired on January 6, 2010.
Plot.
Shuggy, a life-long bad guy, has been in and out of gangs and prisons and has never made an honest dollar in his entire life. On this day, he waits to knock over a gas station convenience store. Yards away, Arthur, an 85-year-old widower, gets into his classic Chrysler and reminisces about his life. As his eyesight is poor, he doesn't drive his car anymore, but still turns the engine on every once in a while to think about happier times. Shuggy, aiming for the store, puts on his hoodie and looks around for something to steal, while Arthur, losing consciousness, passes away peacefully in his car. Back at the store, Shuggy knocks out the store clerk, steals money from the cash register, and gets away with it. Meanwhile, Arthur's car starts to roll down the hill after the worn-out handbrake fails. Fate steps in when Arthur's car rolls through the crosswalk and runs over Shuggy, killing him instantly.
| ReTired |
fandom.1000waystodie | # ReToaded
"ReToaded", Way to Die #234, is the sixth death featured in "Putting a Happy Face on Death", which aired on December 30, 2009.
Plot.
Two travelers named Geezer and Trip travel the world on their quest to achieve the ultimate high. After smoking some plants, they then search a marsh for a frog that is supposed to give a person hallucinogenic effects if they lick its secretions. Unbeknownst to the two travelers, the frog they licked was the poison dart frog (which is native to South America) and not the Colorado River toad (which is the real frog they were looking for, which lives in the Southwest United States). The toxins from the frog end up leading to paralysis, which causes heart failure and death. Oh well, at least they got high before their demise.
Transcript.
Geezer: This is my girlfriend. Her name is Stick. *...* What's this stuff on me, man?!
Narrator: What have we learned from their miserable deaths? As you go through life, no matter what frog you meet, it's probably not a good idea to lick its butt.
| ReToaded |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Ready Or Not, Here Comes Death
Ready Or Not, Here Comes Death.
"1000 Ways to Die" Episode 41.
Originally aired February 23, 2011.
Title reference: Play-on words for the phrase used in the popular <a href="http%3A//en.wikipedia.org/wiki/hide-and-seek"></a> game.
-- This is the Original Episode --
Asphyxi-Asian.
Way to Die #231
On August 12, 2006. in Tokyo, Japan. The narrator channel-surfs through a nature show and a home-shopping channel until he stops on a Japanese game show challenge featuring a conniving female contestant donning scuba gear and swimming through hoops while collecting cantaloupe. The female contestant dies of breathing in truck exhaust that wasn't filtered out of her oxygen tank and ends up drowning. The narrator points out that a story like that would make a great entry for "1000 Ways to Die".
Alt names - Afrigat-D'oh
Par Gore.
Way to Die #246
On March 15, 2004, in Detroit, MI. While racing up the outside of a building with his friends, an arrogant parkour-obsessed teen pushes one of them out of the way in order to win. On the roof, he rolls to recover from his last jump and impales his neck on an exposed pipe, severing his spinal cord and paralyzing the muscles that control breathing.
Dill D'oh!.
Way to Die #149
On December 5, 2006, in Kansas City, MO. A retired chemistry teacher who was sent to a nursing home by his greedy children who had him declared incapable of caring for himself just so they could get his money does demonstrations for the other residents (despite being reprimanded by a mean-spirited nursing home aide), including one in which he uses a pickle to form a crude light. When the mean nursing home aide grabs the equipment to confiscate it, he completes a circuit that sends an electric shock through his heart and stops it.
Alt names - Quite the Pickle
Trivia: This segment has also been used for "Top 100 Deaths".
Boobicide.
Way to Die #671
On February 27, 2000, in Hoboken, NJ. A vain stripper suffering from back problems from her polypropylene breast implants takes oxycodone and alcohol to relieve her pain. She then climbs into a reclining rack and flips herself upside-down to further relax her back. The stripper suffocates from her breasts falling on her face and being too intoxicated to react or right herself in time.
Alt names - Racked
Boweled Out.
Way to Die #677
On June 13, 2005, in Youngstown, OH. A softball player's abdominal hernia flares up during a game, so he pushes it back into place and keeps playing, not realizing that he has ruptured a nearby artery. On his next swing, the hernia erupts again and he dies from internal bleeding.
Alt names - Swing Away
Goon Interrupted.
Way to Die #412 (Note: This is the sixth death to have this number)
On December 18, 1998, at the Mental Hospital. A hitman feigns insanity and is sent to a mental hospital after his trial for murder. He then attempts to escape from his fifth-floor ward by climbing down a laundry chute, but the weight of the laundry dumped onto him from higher floors causes him to lose his grip. He falls 50 feet and lands on a concrete floor, suffering multiple injuries and dying instantly.
Alt names - Chutes and Splatters
Doggie Styled.
Way to Die #428
On March 29, 1997, in Chester, GA. Two drunk duck hunters throw a lit stick of dynamite into a clump of bushes to flush out some ducks. Their dog, a yellow labrador retriever (who is telling the story, which is voiced by Ron Perlman), instinctively fetches the stick and brings it back, then runs off after an offscreen squirrel. The dynamite explodes, killing both hunters.
Alt names - Dynamite Dog
Visit the 1000 Ways to Die website at: www.spike.com/shows/1000-ways-to-die.
| Ready Or Not, Here Comes Death |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Rebel Without A Pulse
"Rebel Without A Pulse", Way to Die #221, is the fifth death to be featured in "The Lighter Side of Death ", which aired on March 1, 2009.
Plot.
The Civil War had been over for 2 years, but somehow these rag-tied group of rebel soldiers never got the message. Private Willie Holmes was born by the war and decided to take off, but he got caught trying to sneak away when he was branded a deserter and sentenced to death by firing squad.
Having battled side by side with him since the beginning of the war, his buddies are now facing the unpleasant duty of whacking their beloved Willie. Their hard bastard colonel wasn't about to let Willie off the hook. The only medals Willie was going to get were 4 lead slugs to the chest.
"But a funny thing happened on the way to Willie's execution: Everyone fired, and everyone missed. And even funnier: He's dead. Something was definitely not right."
Adrenaline levels secreted from Willie's nervous system went way off the scale as he imagined the bullets riddling his body. It was like a lightning bolt to his heart. He suffered a massive carnory and died without a scratch.
Transcript.
Narrator: But a funny thing happened on the way to Willie's execution: Everyone fired, and everyone missed. And even funnier: He's dead. Something was definitely not right.
Narrator: Someday the south may rise again. But you can be sure, Willie never will.
| Rebel Without A Pulse |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Recep-Shunned
Recep-shunned, Way to Die #496, is the first death featured in "Death Penalties", which aired on January 25, 2012.
Plot.
Emily and John are a newlywed couple forced to hire Sandy, an obnoxious wedding singer, as their entertainment for their wedding reception after the original booked band canceled. Sandy soon gets drunk, annoying the wedding attendants. Sandy performs a crude song about the couple, saying that John was tricked into marrying Emily after getting her pregnant, calls Emily a slut and says that she has herpes, and finally says the people are screwed. In a fit of anger, John attempts to fight Sandy but is intervened by the best man who holds him back. John pushes the best man into the microphone stand on Sandy's keyboard, forcing the microphone to lodge deep into Sandy's trachea. The attendants are too freaked out by the event to help Sandy, leaving him to die from asphyxiation.
Transcript.
Narrator: Wedding receptions are supposed to be fun. Sandy got wasted, and turned this one into a nightmare. Oh well. Time to cut the cake?
| Recep-Shunned |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Red, White & Blew
| Red, White & Blew |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Red, White and Blew
"Red, White and Blew", Way to Die #77, is the first death to be featured in "Cure for the Common Death, Part I", which aired on March 22, 2009.
Plot.
It's the 4th of July. All across the country, citizens are celebrating their nation's birthday in the best way they know how: by getting hammered. By the time the sun went down, Bernie and his buddies were completely pissed.
With these knuckleheads stupid as a vocation, Bernie is about to show why. Bernie has been planning the mother of all banners for weeks. A home-made firework launcher and a crudely made bomb. Bernie had provided enough cherry bombs to equal the explosive power of a stick of dynamite, even though homemade fireworks had been made illegal 17 years ago. When it fails to work, Bernie looks down the barrel of the launcher, and the firework explodes in his face, much to the amusement of his friends, and unaware of his death.
Besides being severely burnt, Bernie's face shattered from the impact as his brain rattles inside his cranium, causing fatal hemorrhaging.
"He clearly was not aware of the reason why there was a federal law banning homemade bombs since 1966."
Transcript.
Narrator: He clearly was not aware of the reason why there was a federal law banning homemade bombs since 1966.
Narrator: Every 4th of July, fireworks accidents filled emergency rooms around the country. Bernie managed to skip that part... and went straight to the morgue.
| Red, White and Blew |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Reef Stew
"Reef Stew", Way to Die #202, is the second death to be featured in "Dead on Dead", which aired on February 24, 2010.
Plot.
Steve and Carlos were two starving drug smugglers who just so happened to fall in the hands of a starving Fijian tribe who were all tired of eating fruit and vegetables and wanted meat. The three men threatened to kill the three women if they didn't find meat anytime soon. Steve and Carlos came along and thought the men would give them food. Instead, they knocked Steve and Carlos out and when they awoke, they were being cooked and boiled alive by the cannibals. After five hours, their muscular tissue easily separated from the bone, making them edible. The six cannibals then cut up Steve and Carlos' dead bodies and ate them as a feast, where the cannibals joyfully enjoy their food, with the chief thanking the gods for giving them their food.
Transcript.
Narrator: The two smugglers had been in hot water before, but this time, they couldn't bribe their way out.
Narrator: The meal was everything they had hoped, tender and juicy. Steve and Carlos? They were honored with the best spots... at the head of the table. Praise the gods, for one finger-licking good luau.
| Reef Stew |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Rhymes With "Rich"
"Rhymes With "Rich", Way to Die #191, is the second death to be featured in "Death – Putting The "Fun" In "Funeral" which aired on February 22, 2012.
Plot.
Bill was a businessman who had hired Jenny as a personal trainer, not knowing she was a gold digger attempting to steal Bill from his wife. While helping Bill lift a heavy barbell, she notices he has an erection which disgusts his wife causing her to storm off with Bill running after her in embarrassment. A somewhat-aroused Jenny decides to practice her clean and jerk technique. Placing extra weights on the barbell, she tries to lift it up, but lifts it way too high, and drops the barbell on the back of her neck, severing her spinal cord and windpipe. She collapses to the ground as blood drools from her mouth and she eventually dies due to an inability to breathe.
Transcript.
Narrator: Uh oh. Looks like Bill's billfold is safe.
Narrator: Jenny played rich men for fools. She went mining for gold...But then it all collapsed...under the weight...of her own greed.
| Rhymes With "Rich" |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Rife-Ill
"Rife-Ill", Way to Die #153, is the third death featured in the season finale "Crying Over Spilled Blood", which aired on July 15, 2012.
Plot.
A CIA agent named Red Fox is looking to turn a Taliban Assassin named Mula Hakim into helping out against the war on terrorism. The Taliban find this out and hire a hitman codenamed "The One Who Never Misses" to kill Red Fox. He attempts to shoot the agent, but the bullet misses and ends up ricocheting off of a turret, a wall, and finally piercing the hitman through the heart.
Segment Description.
Description as seen on the Spike TV website
| Rife-Ill |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Ring-A-Ding Dead
"Ring-A-Ding Dead", Way to Die #408, is the fourth death featured in "Death, The Final Frontier", which aired July 15, 2012.
Plot.
Dwight is an obnoxious hipster with a habit of going to yard sales before the sellers could open them, and snatching up anything that catches his fancy without paying as much as a penny for it.
One day, he goes to a yard sale two hours early, and browses the selection for something that he could snitch, when he notices an odd-looking antique ring. The homeowner sees Dwight with the item, realizing that the ring belonged to his grandfather and he had spent a decade looking for it.
He and Dwight get into a fight over the ring, when something struck the latter in the eye and through the brain, killing the hipster. The reason for this: the antique ring that Dwight attempted to steal is actually a ring gun, and it was loaded. Dwight had accidentally shot himself with it during the struggle.
Segment Description.
Description as seen on the Spike TV website<br>
| Ring-A-Ding Dead |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Road Killed
"Road Killed", Way to Die #303, is the seventh and final death to be featured in "Putting A Smiley Face On Death", which aired on September 14, 2010.
Plot.
A nature-loving hippie who calls herself "Morning Glory" really enjoyed the outdoors. She even loved listening to whale songs in her car. She seems to have a happy life until one day, she accidentally ran over a raccoon. The nature-lover was devastated. In an attempt to revive the poor animal, she tried to perform CPR on it. While looking up to inhale, she was suddenly decapitated by a bumper of a speeding truck, and the driver did not see her in the middle of the road. Her headless corpse lay next to the dead raccoon, while her severed head is stuck onto the bumper of the truck as the driver drives on, oblivious to her death.
| Road Killed |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Rocked Out
"Rocked Out", Way to Die #307, is the fourth death to be featured in "Deadliest Kitsch", which aired on October 24, 2011.
Plot.
Evan is a rock-climber who didn't pay attention to his climbers and just attempted to seduce his female ones. When a fat beginner climber named Terry slipped, Evan wasn't paying attention. The rope wrapped around his neck like a noose and he couldn't breathe. He attempted to cut the rope, Terry warned him not to, but he still did. He fell 50 feet and landed on Evan's neck, snapping it and killing him.
Transcript.
Narrator: Evan was fool of himself rock climbing instructor who love to climb all over his female students.
Evan: Very good, nice and easy.
Narrator: He would check out the view while helping his girl's ascend mount gymnasium, using the climbing technique called be lane.
Evan: Alright.
Casey Martin: The blayer is in charge during the climb, you're the person who is...holding up to the rope and...making sure that there's no slack in the rope. They're the person who points out rocks in handhold to the climber, to grab on to... you're the one that is making sure the climber is safe and if they get the strap and... the climber could fall and... and dying... or get hurt.
Terry: I'm next.
Narrator: And then Terry showed up.
Narrator: Terry was a first timer. And lead it Evan's fool attention.
Terry: Evan.
Narrator: Which he wasn't getting.
Evan: Can't wait to seeing your rear right now.
Terry: (Struggling) Hurry up!
Narrator: Until Terry slipped...
Narrator: The braided rope wrapped around Evan's neck, like a hanging noose.
Evan: I can't breathe...!!!!!
Terry: Evan...!
Narrator: Evan had a choice: strangle to death
Narrator: or screw Terry.
Terry: Don't cut the rope!!
-Narrator: He cut the rope,<br>
-Terry: NO! Don't cut the rope!!! I'm gonna-
Narrator: but he forgot one of the rules of climbing.
Female Student #2: (SCREAMS)
Narrator: When it's raining big fatties...get out of the way.
Dr. Boyd Flinders: The 250 pounds person falling to enough force, almost like a "ton" of bricks coming down on the back of this guy's neck, right at the first in second: cervical vertebra, you can think of the spinal cord is your...cable TV network. You're having an eruption in the signal, nothing worse. A heart and lungs stop,
Dr. Boyd Flinders: and you die.
Narrator: Evan thought he was God's gift to women,
Female Student #1: Well, I'm leave.
-Narrator: and then God gave him a gift,<br>
-Terry: (Struggles)
Narrator: a 250-pound, neck-breaking Terry.
Female Student #2: (SCREAMS)
Narrator: Say thank you, Evan.
Narrator: Evan?
| Rocked Out |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Rocky Roadkill
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"Rocky Roadkill, Way to Die #245, is the fifth death to be featured on "Better Them Than Us" which aired on March 16, 2011.
Plot.
Salvador was a drug dealer who came upon a brilliant idea. To avoid the police, he used an ice cream truck as a disguise to hide his drugs (whether or not there is actual ice-cream is not revealed). Sal had a wide array of customers, from coke-addicted businessmen to hardcore junkies. One customer in particular ordered some meth... as a diversion for him to stick out a handgun and try to rob him. Sal then drove away and managed to evade robbery, but while he was still driving, he takes a corner too fast, and the sharp turn knocks over his ice chest. which released chlorofluorocarbon (CFC) and steadily caused him to pass out due to the poor ventilation not allowing the gas to leave the truck. Sal, unconscious at the wheel, slammed into a tree, rupturing his aortic valve, causing him to bleed out, and die instantly.
Transcript.
Narrator:
Meth Guy:
Dr. Michael Kurtz:
Narrator: Salvador was a drug dealing Mr. Freeze.
Meth Guy:
Narrator: But when one of the customers turned on him...
Meth Guy: Everything!
Narrator: His business went bust.
Narrator: And he got creamed.
| Rocky Roadkill |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Rolled Death
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"Rolled Death", Way to Die #313, is the eighth and last death to be featured in "Gratefully Dead", which aired on January 13, 2010.
Plot.
A young woman named Carla is a gold digger who marries an old man for his money. She dies because she had her veil wrapped around her neck and unrolling something from her veil. It gets stuck in the car rim, hangs the young bride and later, decapitated her. The old man never heard her head hitting the asphalt.
| Rolled Death |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Ron Perlman
Ron Perlman (born Ronald N. Perlman on April 13, 1950 in New York City, New York, Usa) is an American television, film and voice actor best known for his roles as Vincent in the CBS drama series "Beauty and the Beast", Reinhardt in "Blade II", the titular character in the "Hellboy" movie franchise and as Clay Morrow in the FX crime drama series "Sons of Anarchy". Perlman was the second narrator for "1000 Ways to Die", starting with the first season episode, "Unforced Errors" (Segment: Habeas Corpse) and ending with the sixth season episode, "Think Globally, Die Locally" (Segment: War-Done).
| Ron Perlman |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Rub-A-Dubbed Out
"Rub-A-Dubbed Out", Way to Die #712, is the first death featured in "Putting a Happy Face on Death", which aired on December 30, 2009.
Plot.
An unnamed thief who stole groceries from a blind pregnant woman was on the run from the policeman. He hides in a car wash to escape. Unaware that the creep was in there, the owner of the car wash runs the daily maintenance check. The creep panics and struggles to get away from the showering water. Fortunately, he slips, and his head is impaled in the back by a powerful water nozzle, producing one-thousand pounds of pressurized water inside his head. The creep's head then explodes, popping off like a champagne bottle cork, sending this cruel and heartless robber straight to hell where he belongs.
"Water began to fill his cranium until..."
Transcript.
Narrator: Why is this man running with a bag of groceries? Hungry? Late for work? Rushing home to feed Grandma? This loser stole them from a blind, pregnant woman. Nice huh?
Narrator: Water began to fill his cranium, until...
Narrator: It's nice to see bad guys get what they deserve. The creep didn't get caught, he got hosed.
| Rub-A-Dubbed Out |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Rubbed Out
"Rubbed Out", Way to Die #431, is the sixth death featured in the season finale "It's a Dead, Dead, Dead World", which aired on July 15, 2012.
Plot.
Jeremy is a man with germophobia. While taking out the trash one day, a homeless man begins to dig through Jeremy's trashcan before sneezing on Jeremy, causing him to freak out and run inside. Jeremy fills the bathtub with gallons of isopropyl alcohol (commonly known as rubbing alcohol) and climbs inside to cleanse himself of germs. However, a large quantity of the alcohol absorbs in his skin, causing him to die from lethal alcohol poisoning.
| Rubbed Out |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Ruffed Up
"Ruffed Up", Way to Die #227, is the sixth death to be featured in "You're Dead! LOL!", which aired on "February 10, 2010".
Plot.
Marnie, desperate for a job, reluctantly takes a position of a dog walker, but she h dogs. On the way to the dog park, she grew frustrated with her dogs, but her constant nagging towards them is making them behave poorly. When she finally got them to the park, the dogs have had enough of her terrible attitude and decided to literally drag her across the ground. Unable to break free from the many leashes tied to her wrist, Marnie could do nothing but watch before she crashes head-on to a tree, damaging her temporal lobe and snapping her neck.
| Ruffed Up |
fandom.1000waystodie | # S*** Dead
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"S*** Dead", Way to Die #743, is the seventh and final Segment of "Unforced Errors". The Episode aired on February 8, 2009.
Plot.
Do you remember "The Birds" from Alfred Hitchcock? Well... this story is called "The Bird". Larry is living in the wild. The only friends he has are the small and big animals around him, except for the birds. He despises them. He terrorizes a sparrow hawk that is sitting on his lawn. He manages to get rid of the bird but it will also get rid of him. After it flies above him, it drops a load on his face which also enters his mouth with surgical precision. A week later he's in the Hospital because of Salmonellosis which later brings him to an end after his final moment of asking a doctor to go away, thus sending the selfish bird hater straight to the hell he deserved.
| S*** Dead |
fandom.1000waystodie | # S***ty Shoved-Up
| S***ty Shoved-Up |
fandom.1000waystodie | # S**t Canned
"Shit Canned", Way to Die #412, is the seventh death to be featured in "Come On, Get Deathy", which aired on January 20, 2010.
Plot.
Murph, an insanely angry and envious man, attended a wedding of the woman he loved, who is getting married to another man tries to get his revenge on her. He bribes a waiter to sneak in a laxative into the bride's drink, but the waiter, having a thought of morality, sneaks it into Murph's drink instead. Murph tried to eat up much of the clock as possible, until the laxative takes effect on Murph during the toast, and he rushes to the bathroom. After finding the only stall occupied by a couple making out who refuse to leave (even though Murph said it was an emergency), Murph relieves himself in an outdoor trash can. Unfortunately, as he struggles to get out, the trash can tips over and sends Murph rolling down a rough hill, killing him from multiple bone fractures and skull fracture.
Transcript.
Narrator: Weddings are normally a happy affair. Except, when one of the guests is the bitter ex-lover of the blushing bride: Say hello to Murph. He's not just bitter, he's insanely angry and jealous. The only reason he came, is to get his revenge on the woman he once hoped would be his wife. Being the creep that he was, Murph had cooked up a pretty nasty payback skin.
Murph: (Whispers) Hey, buddy. Give you 20 bucks to slip some of these in the bride's drink.
Waiter: 20 bucks? No way.
Murph: A'ight, fine. 100 bucks.
Waiter: Done.
Dr. Steven Kim: Laxatives decrease the water...within the blood stream, water goes from the blood, to the colon instead. The high concentration of laxative, 20 to have a very cute and dramatic effect.
Waiter: Mission accomplished.
Narrator: The plan was working.
Murph: Here's to you, bitch.
Narrator: Murph gulped down his own glass of bubbly, and stepped up to deliver a bowel bursting toast.
Murph: Ladies and gentlemen! A moment for lovely Annie,
Narrator: He stretched it out. Trying to eat up as much of the clock as possible.
Murph: ...He spend a lot of time together, a lot of time... Now, she's with you. (Continues to speech)
Narrator: By the time he was done, her virginal white gallon would look like a rolled of used toilet paper.
Murph: ...I spend a lot of money on her. (Giggles)
Narrator: But like everything else in this loser's life, it didn't turn out, like he expected.
Murph: As I wanna wish you both a best luck.
Everyone else: Cheers.
Murph: Oh. Oh... Oh, ho-ho! Ho...!!
Narrator: The waiter had a pang of cantionce.
Narrator: and gave Murph the spite drink.
Murph: Guys, come on! This is an emergency!
Narrator: Desperate, he unloaded the only can he could find.
Murph: Aah... Ah... (Sighs and laughs)
Narrator: In a classic case of bad to worse, Murph found himself stuck, in his dumpster.
Murph: AH!!!
Murph: Waah! Ah!
Jason Romero: If you have somebody... that stuffed into a garbage can, it's not a natural position on his waist, so... as the rolling, you're gonna have...
Jason Romero: probably spinal induce for one thing... And they're gonna be hitting the head, repeatedly. So, it's gonna have... effective uh... bouncing brain around inside the skull. And that's create a swelling and internal bleeding in the brain...
Murph: Aaah!! (Screams)
Narrator: Murph's plan of revenge backfired. Instead of humiliating his ex-lover, he got disemboweled,
Murph: AH!!!
Narrator: went on a roll, wound up covered in his own filth, and finally, dead. Bottoms up, Murph.
| S**t Canned |
fandom.1000waystodie | # S.O.B. -- Sarcastic Obsessive Behavior
| S.O.B. -- Sarcastic Obsessive Behavior |
fandom.1000waystodie | # SP-Effed
"SP-Effed", Way to Die #317, is the first death featured in "Dead Before They Know It", which aired on March 23, 2011.
Plot.
An arrogant woman named Shelly is always borrowing her roommates' belongings without asking: clothes, food and beauty products. When one of her roommates buys a tanning bed (which no one is allowed to use), she decides to use it, but before going in, she puts on moisturizer. That night, she feels pain in her face, which she mistakes for a sunburn, takes same painkillers, and sleeps it off. The next day she wakes up all burnt and weak, and she falls onto her horrified roommate, sending the arrogant roommate to hell.
Turns out what she thought was moisturizer, was her roommate psoriasis medication. It contained psoralen, which was sensitive to the UV light. The light from the tanning bed gives her massive second degree burns over her body, heart failure, hypovolemic & cardiogenic shock, and severe dehydration, killing her, but not before collapsing into her roommate's arms.
Exactly why you should ask before taking.
"She collapsed into her roommate's arms... dead, from heart failure."
Transcript.
Roommate #1: Shelly, have you seen my little black dress?
Shelly: No.
Roommate #1: Who took my ice cream?
Roommate #2 Shelly! Did you take my painkillers?
Roommate #2: (Screams)
Narrator: She collapsed into her roommate's arms... dead, from heart failure.
Narrator: Shelly was a deadbeat who borrowed, used and ate her friends out of house and home.
Roommate #1: Who took my ice cream?
Narrator: It's fitting to see that the roommate from hell wound up burnt to a crisp!
Roommate #2: (Screams)
| SP-Effed |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Safecracked Pitch
"Safecracked Pitch", Way to Die #214, is the eight and final death featured in "Dead to Rights", which aired on February 17, 2010.
Plot.
Maury is out for a walk when he sees a security vault being installed in someone's house. Later that night, Maury breaks into the house and tries to open the safe to no avail, so instead, he decides to take the safe, slides it outside and he has to push it down several stairs. Not wanting to make any noise, Maury decides to guide the safe quietly down the steps. However, he slips, which causes the vault and him to fall down the stairs. Maury dies after the fall, due to it causing his ribcage to break and his heart to be punctured. It is later revealed that the vault was empty.
| Safecracked Pitch |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Sage is Silenced
| Sage is Silenced |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Samu-Fry
"Samu-Fry", Way to Die #218, is the sixth death to be featured in "Dead to Rights", which aired on February 17, 2010.
Plot.
Two Japanese-American teenagers named Gregory and Tyler attempt to engage in a katana battle after watching a samurai movie and playing samurai video games. What Gregory and Tyler did not know was that the swords they were using were real, and especially not for child's play. When they took their fight outside, Gregory attempted to land a deadly hit on his friend, Tyler, but his katana hits a low-hanging power line and electrocutes him to his death.
Transcript.
Narrator: Into the backyard went the wannabe samurai. They were way in over their heads, but neither was willing to back down. Greg was ready to deliver the death blow...but was cut short by high voltage powerline. 240 volts of heart-stopping juice finally put an end to the madness.
Narrator: Gregory and Tyler thought they could be a samurai. They should've kept a tight grip on their game controllers.. and stayed away from the swords.
| Samu-Fry |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Samu-fry
| Samu-fry |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Samurai Death Squad
"Samurai Death Squad", Way to Die #198, is the first death to be featured in "You're Dead! LOL!", which aired on February 10, 2010.
Plot.
A group of young Asian American teens formed a club called the Samurai Death Squad, which included activities like two people jousting from separate tuned drift cars dressed as samurais. The club included two men dressed as samurais called "Knock" Amora and Berzerko who are long-time members, three girls that show up in slutty school girl outfits and stand around looking hot, and one who goes out with her costume and makeup who calls herself "Vagesha, Goddess of Death" who is one of the club's regulars. In this meeting of the Samurai Death Squad, it features a showdown between two of the club's long-time members "Knock" Amora and Berzerko. Each hang out of the window of the cars with a spear in their hands. The idea is to come as close as possible to inflict injury while looking cool and courageous. After a few rounds, Berzerko accidentally slices "Knock" Amora's shoulder open, drawing blood. With a useless shoulder, "Knock" Amora attempts to retaliate against Berzerko by slicing his shoulder. His revenge was more than what he bargained for. He accidentally impaled/stabbed Berzerko in his right eye and out the back of his head, resulting in death by massive hemorrhaging in the brain and his blood staining the car.
Transcript.
Narrator: The death squad didn't know any better. If you pretend to be a samurai, you might wind up dying like one.
| Samurai Death Squad |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Scam Eye Am (Dead)
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"Scam Eye Am (Dead)", Way to Die #894, is the first death featured in "Killing Them Softly", which aired on March 9, 2011.
Plot.
Adechike, a Nigerian scam artist, attempts to scam a man named Joe using the "wash-wash" scheme, where he dyes fake money black but contains one actual bill and cleans it with a magic wash fluid which proves the whole thing contains real US dollars, but the scammer used regular water instead. He purposely spilled it all (which accidentally spilled on Joe's wrist) so Joe wouldn't know the other bills were fake. Adechike claims he'll have new fluid in 24 hours, but later, Joe catches on and finds out the other bills are fake after rubbing them off with his wrist (with the spilt magic liquid), and runs up to Adechike's hotel room. Adechike stands behind the door to hide and peeks through the peep hole. Joe forces the door open, driving its coat hook into Adechike's eye, piercing his frontal lobe and pulling his eye out after Joe closes the door, killing him. Sending the Nigerian scam artist straight to Hell, ending his scamming mission as a failure.
"Joe might've been dim, but his bulb wasn't completely out. He rubbed off another bill... and discovered he'd been taken to the cleaners."
Transcript.
Narrator: Have you ever got one of those ridiculous e-mails saying you're about to become a millionaire? Joe did.
Narrator: And he was so stupid and gullible, (Giggling) he believed it.
Adechike: Joseph, how are you? Have a seat.
Narrator: Joe had already wired $5000 to cover a supposed couch transfer fees to... Adechike. A Nigerian businessman who represented a major international lottery corporation.
Adechike: ...As you know uh... export fees...
Narrator: But now, Adechike wanted more money.
Adechike: I like you already.
Narrator: Have you figured out what's wrong with this picture?
Narrator: Joe was about to become a victim,
Narrator: of a Nigerian black money or wash-wash scam.
Rick Hahn: A wash-wash scam will typically take 3 or 4 steps. Once the con artist knows the individual has been hooked, they paid some money already, they'll introduce the wash-wash, typically a suitcase with black bills amongst them will be a couple of legimate US dollars that have been dyed black, the con artist present these with a special magic fluid that uses to wash the legimate bills to demonstrate the entire boxes full of US currency.
Narrator: The sucker is told the bills will dyed black, in order to sneak em into the country.
Joe: It's a $100 bill?
Adechike: Yes. Yes.
Narrator: If you're wondering if anyone actually falls for the scam, victims lost over $9.3 billion in 2009 alone.
-Adechike: Yeah?<br>
-Joe: Okay.
Narrator: Joe just turned over what was left for the savings for a $100 bill: $5 worth of dyed paper, and a worthless bottle of magic wash liquid.
Joe: Are you gonna clean them now?
Adechike: Why don't you do it?
Narrator: Make that an empty bottle of worthless magic wash liquid.
Adechike: Don't worry, I'll take care of you, I'll take care of you. I can have it for you in 24 hours.
Narrator: Joe might've been dim, but his bulb wasn't completely out.
Narrator: He rubbed off another bill... and discovered he'd been taken to the cleaners.
Joe: OPEN UP! OPEN UP!!! OPEN UP!!!!
Joe: HEY!!!!!
Dr. Khyber Zaffarkhan: When the man was hit by the door, the 5-inch metal hook pierced his eye and fracture his overall socket, causing damage to his frontal lobe. This damage caused an immediate severe hemorrhage in his brain, causing sensation of his onomonic function. killing him instantly.
Joe: OPEN UP!
Narrator: Adechike's death should be a lesson to all gullible Jims out there:
Narrator: Keep your eye...on your money.
| Scam Eye Am (Dead) |
fandom.1000waystodie | # Scarf-Face
| Scarf-Face |
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