sub_id
string | title
string | Criticism
string | Intent
string | Readability
int64 | body
string | author
string | score
int64 | awards
int64 | numComms
int64 | created
string | subreddit
string | annotated_post_body
string | ES
int64 | EFS
int64 | RS
int64 | EMaskingQ
string | EMask
string | EFSMaskingQ
string | EFSMask
string | RMaskingQ
string | RMask
string | Comments
string | Annotated
bool | label_combination
int64 |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
exeha0
|
Managing SSRI withdrawal symptoms
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0
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help-seeking
| 1
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I’m currently trying to get off of paroxetine - I think in the US it’s called Paxil (I’ve been on 30mg for about a year) but can’t seem to get off it completely. I got down to 10mg in August, and up until a few days ago I was on 2.5mg (breaking a pill into eighths).
But, even coming off such a low dose, I still get such awful discontinuation syndrome. Insanely strong emotional instability (intense anxiety n despair that comes out of nowhere), dizziness and the fun electric brain zaps.
I was wondering what y’all would recommend in terms of managing the emotional instability aspect? I’m already meditating daily, exercising a few times a week. I just hate feeling like this and feel kinda at my wits end :/
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Forever_Adapt
| 1
| 0
| 8
|
2020-02-01 23:16:00
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getting_over_it
|
<es>I’m currently trying to get off of paroxetine - I think in the US it’s called Paxil (I’ve been on 30mg for about a year) but can’t seem to get off it completely.<ee> <es>I got down to 10mg in August, and up until a few days ago I was on 2.5mg (breaking a pill into eighths). <ee> <efs>But, even coming off such a low dose, I still get such awful discontinuation syndrome.<efe> <efs>Insanely strong emotional instability (intense anxiety n despair that comes out of nowhere), dizziness and the fun electric brain zaps.<efe> <rs>I was wondering what y’all would recommend in terms of managing the emotional instability aspect?<re> <es>I’m already meditating daily, exercising a few times a week.<ee> <efs>I just hate feeling like this and feel kinda at my wits end :/<efe>
| 2
| 2
| 2
| null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true
| 222
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eigj7p
|
Sup fuckers
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1a
|
rant
| 1
|
So last night I was like cutting and shit whilst drunk and today my arm feels quite numb and painful. I think this is bad but idk
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itshighnnoon
| 1
| 0
| 2
|
2020-01-01 09:23:50
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selfharm
|
<es>So last night I was like cutting and shit whilst drunk and today my arm feels quite numb and painful.<ee> <es>I think this is bad but idk<ee>
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
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why you cut last night
|
How did X make you feel?
|
cutting last night while being drunk
|
What do you need help with now that X?
|
your arm feel numb and painful
| null | true
| 100
|
elc9yw
|
i cant stop screaming
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 1
|
WHY WONT ANYONE HELP ME????????
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InfamousCauliflower4
| 1
| 0
| 5
|
2020-01-07 14:32:04
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ptsd
|
<ee>i cant stop screaming<ee> WHY WONT ANYONE HELP ME????????
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
why you can't stop screaming
|
How did X make you feel?
|
the screaming
|
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you are unable to stop screaming
| null | true
| 100
|
eivgmz
|
Happy as can be, but I still have this urge to cut myself.
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 1
|
I’ve been so so content with myself and life recently. I’m looking forward to the future, and I’m happy with my school and family life. However, I just keep thinking about how I could cut myself and no one would ever have to know. I’m happy so would it even matter if I cut myself? It’s weird. I feel weird.
I’m not going too but the thoughts are still there.
|
i-might-hate-myself
| 1
| 0
| 2
|
2020-01-02 08:05:12
|
selfharm
|
<es>I’ve been so so content with myself and life recently.<ee> <efs>I’m looking forward to the future, and I’m happy with my school and family life.<efe> <es>However, I just keep thinking about how I could cut myself and no one would ever have to know.<ee> <rs>I’m happy so would it even matter if I cut myself?<re> <efs>It’s weird.<efe> <efs>I feel weird. <efe> <es>I’m not going too but the thoughts are still there.<ee>
| 1
| 2
| 2
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
why you want to cut yourself
| null | null | null | null | null | true
| 122
|
en3v48
|
I NEED HELP
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 1
|
I CANT STOP CRYING WHY WONT ANYONE HELP ME?
|
InfamousCauliflower4
| 1
| 0
| 2
|
2020-01-11 06:16:17
|
ptsd
|
<es>I CANT STOP CRYING WHY WONT ANYONE HELP ME?<ee>
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
repeat
| true
| 100
|
eoof5u
|
Tell me I did the right thing.
|
1b
|
help-seeking
| 1
|
In November I reported to the police about an abusive relationship with multiple sexual assaults that was 10 years ago. Yes.. 10 years ago.
I found out he works in the building that is connected to my sons preschool(he doesnt work AT the school) and that is was brought me to finally coming forward.
Tomorrow he is being brought in to be questioned and I am freaking out about the "what ifs"
What if he attacks me in the school parking lot? What if he comes to my home?
I was told its extremely hard to get a restraining order from a historical case since I havent seen or heard from him in 10 years.
He is an extremely angry person with no respect for laws and authority, he even threatened to kill me when I was in the relationship with him.
Did I do the right thing reporting it? I can just picture him tomorrow screaming "why would she do this now?" And telling his frightening and intimidating friends.
It was 10 years ago, there is no proof, it is a she said he said situation. Shoukd I have just stayed quiet like I did for so long?
He is married now, I can just imagine what he is doing to his poor mail order wife.
|
underhiskilt
| 1
| 0
| 8
|
2020-01-14 17:32:31
|
rapecounseling
|
<es>In November I reported to the police about an abusive relationship with multiple sexual assaults that was 10 years ago.<ee> <es>Yes.. 10 years ago. <ee> <es>I found out he works in the building that is connected to my sons preschool(he doesnt work AT the school) and that is was brought me to finally coming forward. <ee> <efs>Tomorrow he is being brought in to be questioned and I am freaking out about the "what ifs" <efe> <efs>What if he attacks me in the school parking lot?<efe> <efs>What if he comes to my home? <efe> <es>I was told its extremely hard to get a restraining order from a historical case since I havent seen or heard from him in 10 years. <ee> <es>He is an extremely angry person with no respect for laws and authority, he even threatened to kill me when I was in the relationship with him. <ee> <rs>Did I do the right thing reporting it?<re> <es>I can just picture him tomorrow screaming "why would she do this now?"<ee> <es> And telling his frightening and intimidating friends. <ee> <es>It was 10 years ago, there is no proof, it is a she said he said situation.<ee> <rs>Shoukd I have just stayed quiet like I did for so long?<re> <es>He is married now, I can just imagine what he is doing to his poor mail order wife.<ee>
| 2
| 2
| 2
| null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true
| 222
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eihspu
|
first clean new years eve since i’m 15
|
1a
|
rant
| 2
|
so I’ve been hopping from drug to drug during my life, always using at least 2x month some strong drug, sometimes everyweek (with cocaine and opiates)
this was my first new year I just slept through. I live in Rio de Janeiro and new years here is the nightmare of any drug addict; everyone everywhere is high to the bones, mainly MDMA and cocaine.
like you don’t need money, damn, you don’t even need friends. just go to Copacabana beach and you have everything you need for free; beautiful women, for sure bump some old friend, drinks and drugs. ((as a brazilian)), if you are a gringo and try to do this, you’re gonna have a bad time, no one will share drugs with you because gringos are known to pay absurd amounts of money on cocaine.
anyways I live literally 15min walk away from copacabana beach and it was hard to stay home yesterday. I sparked a lot of big flat blunts. I got extremely anxious around 10pm, hearing the fireworks. I just started imagining all my friends hvavin the time of their lives. it was fucking HARD. I had to take an extra benzo dose with promethazine to make me unable to leave home (I get reaaaally sleepy with promethazine)
anyways I woke up feeling so good that I didn’t give up and stood still against my ego. i’m depressed because of all the fun i’m missing but the pride to be able to stay clean is bigger. i’m satisfied as hell with myself.
congratulations to everyone and hope we can all have a great year! cheers
|
Mister-Kush
| 1
| 0
| 4
|
2020-01-01 12:18:32
|
OpiatesRecovery
|
<es>so I’ve been hopping from drug to drug during my life, always using at least 2x month some strong drug, sometimes everyweek (with cocaine and opiates)<ee> <es>this was my first new year I just slept through.<ee> <es>I live in Rio de Janeiro and new years here is the nightmare of any drug addict; everyone everywhere is high to the bones, mainly MDMA and cocaine. <ee> <es>like you don’t need money, damn, you don’t even need friends.<ee> <es>just go to Copacabana beach and you have everything you need for free; beautiful women, for sure bump some old friend, drinks and drugs.<ee> ((as a brazilian)), if you are a gringo and try to do this, you’re gonna have a bad time, no one will share drugs with you because gringos are known to pay absurd amounts of money on cocaine. <es>anyways I live literally 15min walk away from copacabana beach and it was hard to stay home yesterday.<ee> <es>I sparked a lot of big flat blunts.<ee> <efs>I got extremely anxious around 10pm, hearing the fireworks.<efe> <es>I just started imagining all my friends hvavin the time of their lives.<ee> <es>it was fucking HARD.<ee> <es>I had to take an extra benzo dose with promethazine to make me unable to leave home (I get reaaaally sleepy with promethazine)<ee> <efs>anyways I woke up feeling so good that I didn’t give up and stood still against my ego.<efe> <efs>i’m depressed because of all the fun i’m missing but the pride to be able to stay clean is bigger.<efe> i’m satisfied as hell with myself. congratulations to everyone and hope we can all have a great year! cheers
| 2
| 2
| 0
| null | null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you want to continue staying clean
| null | true
| 220
|
eqrh8v
|
Is there anything I can do to help my dad or am I just screwed?
|
1b
|
help-seeking
| 3
|
So he’s been a drinker for as long as I can remember but last 5 years or so I think it’s gotten worse. So he lives alone and about three months ago he had someone bring him to the er he was complaining about throwing up and bloody stools. So he goes in and from what he says he acted like the doctor said he just has a ulcer from stress and they will fix it and everything is going to be okay. So apparently when I go visit him In the hospital from what the doctors have told us (me and my mom) he had an esophageal varices bad but but not bad enough to be throwing up blood. So then the doctor explained to him he has got to stop the alcohol all together and then maybe his liver will heal a bit but it still won’t be back to 100% normal anymore. So then we deal with that and the hospital stuff he gets the procedure to clip off the vein in his throat for the varices thing and has some ultrasounds done. And then about a few days later he goes home. So then I call him once he is home explain to him if he heard from the doctors what condition he was diagnosed with and that he has got to stop the alcohol. And he agreed to stop. I was really trusting in him that he didn’t have any since before he had been to the hospital. Still a week later he swore he still hasn’t drank anything and he sounded ok not like he was drinking which was good. Now like a few months later I finally had a talk with him and got him to tell the truth and he said that he finally admitted he does drink again. I don’t know how often or how much though but he said that he drinks because it’s boring not to because he’s retired and it helps him to relax🙄. So I told him again didn’t you know what the hospital said about drinking and he got mad and acted like that wasn’t true and they didn’t know what they were doing they didn’t diagnose correctly. So I feel like he’s in denial he has any kind of drinking caused illness problem so therefore he still drinks thinking it’s fine to do. Is there a way I can really get him to stop for good this time or would I just have to let him do what he wants to do? I’m at my end with this I’m so tired of trying to help when he doesn’t want to be helped and he refuses to even talk about it when I bring it up and just argues with me. Anything I can do?
|
MakeupMua16
| 1
| 0
| 8
|
2020-01-19 03:59:33
|
alcoholicsanonymous
|
<rs>Is there anything I can do to help my dad or am I just screwed?<re> <es>So he’s been a drinker for as long as I can remember but last 5 years or so I think it’s gotten worse.<ee> <es>So he lives alone and about three months ago he had someone bring him to the er he was complaining about throwing up and bloody stools.<ee> <es>So he goes in and from what he says he acted like the doctor said he just has a ulcer from stress and they will fix it and everything is going to be okay.<ee> <es>So apparently when I go visit him In the hospital from what the doctors have told us (me and my mom) he had an esophageal varices bad but but not bad enough to be throwing up blood.<ee> <es>So then the doctor explained to him he has got to stop the alcohol all together and then maybe his liver will heal a bit but it still won’t be back to 100% normal anymore.<ee> <es>So then we deal with that and the hospital stuff he gets the procedure to clip off the vein in his throat for the varices thing and has some ultrasounds done.<ee> <es>And then about a few days later he goes home.<ee> <es>So then I call him once he is home explain to him if he heard from the doctors what condition he was diagnosed with and that he has got to stop the alcohol.<ee> <es>And he agreed to stop.<ee> <es>I was really trusting in him that he didn’t have any since before he had been to the hospital.<ee> <es>Still a week later he swore he still hasn’t drank anything and he sounded ok not like he was drinking which was good.<ee> <es>Now like a few months later I finally had a talk with him and got him to tell the truth and he said that he finally admitted he does drink again.<ee> <es>I don’t know how often or how much though but he said that he drinks because it’s boring not to because he’s retired and it helps him to relax🙄.<ee> <es>So I told him again didn’t you know what the hospital said about drinking and he got mad and acted like that wasn’t true and they didn’t know what they were doing they didn’t diagnose correctly.<ee> <es>So I feel like he’s in denial he has any kind of drinking caused illness problem so therefore he still drinks thinking it’s fine to do.<ee> <rs>Is there a way I can really get him to stop for good this time or would I just have to let him do what he wants to do?<re> <efs>I’m at my end with this I’m so tired of trying to help when he doesn’t want to be helped and he refuses to even talk about it when I bring it up and just argues with me.<efe> <rs>Anything I can do?<re>
| 2
| 2
| 2
| null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true
| 222
|
ejjws5
|
How do I(22M) know if she(29) is telling the truth?
|
1b
|
help-seeking
| 4
|
So I met this girl a little over a month ago. She is an escort who is addicted to heroin and crack. She is also practically homeless. The first week we met we spent a lot of time together. At the end of the week she invited me to meet her daughter. Obviously that was a sign that she trusts me and really likes me. She thought I was going to be in her life for a long time and I thought so too. But I declined for whatever reason. Soon after she told me that a relationship isn't a good idea because of her addiction and lifestyle. I am a young drug free guy who goes to college. So it was easy to believe that. The only problem was that I didn't accept that. I told her that I am fine with her addiction and lifestyle. That I really like her as a person. She also kept on telling me that she is scared that I will just leave her one day when I am done dealing with her bullshit. I had no reason to not believe her. So I thought she really likes me but just can't be with me. Because it would mess up her recovery, make it hard to get her kid back, and because she thinks I'll just hurt her. Like a week after she told me this she started to become very flaky with the text messages. She practically ignores all of them now. I only see her when I convince her to have me over or if she needs a ride. When I do see her she usually has a huge uncontrollable smile on her face. She usually is giddy. She touches me and rests her head on my shoulder. And when we are at her hotel room we have sex. So her actions told me she likes me.
She still tells me of course that she wants to be just friends but now when I push her and ask her if she has feelings for me she never says no. I try to get her to say no but she can't. She tells me that she likes me as a person and sometimes she slips and tells me the feelings are mixed. Once we decided to compromise and that almost worked until she told me that she is scared of getting too close. It's hard to know what is really going on. She told me it's easy for her to ignore my texts but it's a lot harder to ignore me in person. I am starting to think it has to do with drugs. I think the reason why it is so easy for her to ignore my texts is because she smokes crack. She has been smoking a lot of it lately and I am starting to think it's so her emotions doesn't come back. I think the drugs in general are making things easier for her to just push me away. But idk how the thought process of addicts even work.
Can an addict fall in love? Does her addiction make her numb to her feelings? Will drugs always be more important than me? It's hard for me to accept that she just doesn't like me because she has never said that. If anyone here can share their experience when it comes to being addicted to drugs that would be great. It's hard for me to frame the question properly. Essentially what I want to know is should I give up on her? How do I know what she really wants? To me giving up on a relationship would be me admitting to her that she is broken, that she is too much for me to handle, that she doesn't deserve a relationship, and that essentially that her addiction has won.
I should add that my logic is that if she is willing to compromise or if she is scared to get close that there has to be feelings in the first place. Why would she even bother entertaining a compromise if she has no feelings for me. Why would she be scared of getting close to a guy she has no feelings for.
|
frenchfrylord5000
| 2
| 0
| 12
|
2020-01-03 18:59:57
|
addiction
|
<es>So I met this girl a little over a month ago.<ee> <es>She is an escort who is addicted to heroin and crack.<ee> <es>She is also practically homeless.<ee> <es>The first week we met we spent a lot of time together.<ee> At the end of the week she invited me to meet her daughter. Obviously that was a sign that she trusts me and really likes me. She thought I was going to be in her life for a long time and I thought so too. But I declined for whatever reason. <es>Soon after she told me that a relationship isn't a good idea because of her addiction and lifestyle.<ee> <es>I am a young drug free guy who goes to college.<ee> <es>So it was easy to believe that.<ee> <es>The only problem was that I didn't accept that.<ee> <es>I told her that I am fine with her addiction and lifestyle.<ee> <es>That I really like her as a person.<ee> <es>She also kept on telling me that she is scared that I will just leave her one day when I am done dealing with her bullshit.<ee> I had no reason to not believe her. <es>So I thought she really likes me but just can't be with me.<ee> <es>Because it would mess up her recovery, make it hard to get her kid back, and because she thinks I'll just hurt her.<ee> <es>Like a week after she told me this she started to become very flaky with the text messages.<ee> <es>She practically ignores all of them now.<ee> <es>I only see her when I convince her to have me over or if she needs a ride.<ee> <es>When I do see her she usually has a huge uncontrollable smile on her face.<ee> <es>She usually is giddy.<ee> <es>She touches me and rests her head on my shoulder.<ee> <es>And when we are at her hotel room we have sex.<ee> <es>So her actions told me she likes me.<ee> <es>She still tells me of course that she wants to be just friends but now when I push her and ask her if she has feelings for me she never says no.<ee> <es>I try to get her to say no but she can't.<ee> <es>She tells me that she likes me as a person and sometimes she slips and tells me the feelings are mixed.<ee> <es>Once we decided to compromise and that almost worked until she told me that she is scared of getting too close.<ee> <es>It's hard to know what is really going on.<ee> <es>She told me it's easy for her to ignore my texts but it's a lot harder to ignore me in person.<ee> <es>I am starting to think it has to do with drugs.<ee> <es>I think the reason why it is so easy for her to ignore my texts is because she smokes crack.<ee> <es>She has been smoking a lot of it lately and I am starting to think it's so her emotions doesn't come back.<ee> <es>I think the drugs in general are making things easier for her to just push me away.<ee> But idk how the thought process of addicts even work. <rs>Can an addict fall in love?<re> <rs>Does her addiction make her numb to her feelings?<re> <rs>Will drugs always be more important than me?<re> <es>It's hard for me to accept that she just doesn't like me because she has never said that.<ee> <rs>If anyone here can share their experience when it comes to being addicted to drugs that would be great.<re> It's hard for me to frame the question properly. <rs>Essentially what I want to know is should I give up on her?<re> <rs>How do I know what she really wants?<re> To me giving up on a relationship would be me admitting to her that she is broken, that she is too much for me to handle, that she doesn't deserve a relationship, and that essentially that her addiction has won. I should add that my logic is that if she is willing to compromise or if she is scared to get close that there has to be feelings in the first place. Why would she even bother entertaining a compromise if she has no feelings for me. Why would she be scared of getting close to a guy she has no feelings for.
| 2
| 0
| 2
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null |
How did X make you feel?
|
the girl having mixed emotions about you
| null | null | null | true
| 202
|
ffd742
|
work around
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0
|
chitchat
| 1
|
Many problems can be helped not by attacking head on but by working from the periferal, from the edges in. As you make progress you see new options. One good thing is to work on lessening hate and vengeful thought towards your associates. Understand that we all have defects but attacking will only get you deeper into the mess. Lessening the negative will give you a more clear head. Accept the faults of others as well as in yourself. We come to this world to learn to overcome problems. Wouldn't it be nice if all people treated you well. But life isn't like that so don't expect or demand that. Don't say they should or shouldn't do what they do. Let them go let them be. Disengage socially. Find a different space for yourself where it's peaceful. Go to your job everyday and think good thoughts towards others as much as possible. Keeping busy and exercise are two more ways to attack your problem.
|
Charlie_redmoon
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
2020-03-08 14:25:47
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getting_over_it
|
Many problems can be helped not by attacking head on but by working from the periferal, from the edges in. As you make progress you see new options. One good thing is to work on lessening hate and vengeful thought towards your associates. Understand that we all have defects but attacking will only get you deeper into the mess. Lessening the negative will give you a more clear head. Accept the faults of others as well as in yourself. We come to this world to learn to overcome problems. Wouldn't it be nice if all people treated you well. But life isn't like that so don't expect or demand that. Don't say they should or shouldn't do what they do. Let them go let them be. Disengage socially. Find a different space for yourself where it's peaceful. Go to your job everyday and think good thoughts towards others as much as possible. Keeping busy and exercise are two more ways to attack your problem.
| 0
| 0
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true
| 0
|
f42709
|
am i mentally ill?
|
1a
|
rant
| 1
|
Normally im not angry but when I play games it goes to insane I play league of legends I smash shit. I broke a phone 2 computer screens 3-4 mouses. That is fucking embarrassing. Worst part is that that wasn't what provoked me to write this post. 30 mins ago I was playing an online game smash Bros where you fight 1 on 1 with people . I tried all day and then played online and lost about 30 matches in arow . Every loss I told myself I am not gonna stop playing till I win. I played for an hour ever loss making me more insane I was screening into pillows yelling at the top of my lungs like a fucking witch I felt like 3 year old, I bit myself, punched myself in the head. It gets worse because when I get a little angry i get more angry because I am mad at myself for getting angry so it spirals out of control. I don't know why I couldn't stop playing . Maybe I didn't want to feel defeated. I'm fucking crazy and I hate it.
|
throaeawaay1111
| 1
| 0
| 24
|
2020-02-15 01:16:44
|
Anger
|
<es>Normally im not angry but when I play games it goes to insane I play league of legends I smash shit.<ee> <es>I broke a phone 2 computer screens 3-4 mouses.<ee> <efs>That is fucking embarrassing.<efe> Worst part is that that wasn't what provoked me to write this post. <es>30 mins ago I was playing an online game smash Bros where you fight 1 on 1 with people .<ee> <es>I tried all day and then played online and lost about 30 matches in arow .<ee> <es>Every loss I told myself I am not gonna stop playing till I win.<ee> <efs>I played for an hour ever loss making me more insane I was screening into pillows yelling at the top of my lungs like a fucking witch I felt like 3 year old, I bit myself, punched myself in the head.<efe> <es>It gets worse because when I get a little angry i get more angry because I am mad at myself for getting angry so it spirals out of control.<ee> I don't know why I couldn't stop playing . Maybe I didn't want to feel defeated. <efs>I'm fucking crazy and I hate it.<efe>
| 2
| 2
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you get angry playing games
| null | true
| 220
|
emttk8
|
Just need somewhere to talk about this (TW: grooming, sexual assault)
|
1b
|
help-seeking
| 2
|
Throughout my life, I have met 4 different boys and men who have taken advantage of me. Most of the time, I feel like I deserved it all to happen, since it happened so many times that it has to be my fault. My therapist said that it isn't my fault but I don't understand how she could be right when there's absolutely a pattern.
When I was 10, I was molested by a boy five years older than me.
When I was 16, I was assaulted at a party (probably my fault because I was a little bit tipsy)
When I was 17, I was groomed by a manager at work. He was slightly more than twice my age and I was just trying to be polite, since he was my superior. I know I was old enough to, but I didn't really understand why the attention was wrong or who to talk to about it, so I just kind of went along with it.
When I was 18, I was drugged and raped by a boyfriend multiple times.
I'm 23 now, and I live in fear of it happening all over again because of my shitty choices. I can't do the normal tasks that my peers do because everything just feels overwhelming, even getting out of bed. I deflect my anger and insecurities onto those around me, thusly ruining relationships that are otherwise healthy and good.
I hate this. I hate being this way. I just want to escape from my own body, to peel back the skin and start over. It feels like I'm just laying in a huge heap of dead bodies except the dead bodies are all me.
|
HumanNumber57
| 1
| 0
| 4
|
2020-01-10 17:04:47
|
ptsd
|
<es>Throughout my life, I have met 4 different boys and men who have taken advantage of me.<ee> <efs>Most of the time, I feel like I deserved it all to happen, since it happened so many times that it has to be my fault.<efe> <es>My therapist said that it isn't my fault but I don't understand how she could be right when there's absolutely a pattern. <ee> <es>When I was 10, I was molested by a boy five years older than me. <ee> <es>When I was 16, I was assaulted at a party (probably my fault because I was a little bit tipsy) <ee> <es>When I was 17, I was groomed by a manager at work.<ee> <es>He was slightly more than twice my age and I was just trying to be polite, since he was my superior.<ee> <es>I know I was old enough to, but I didn't really understand why the attention was wrong or who to talk to about it, so I just kind of went along with it. <ee> <es>When I was 18, I was drugged and raped by a boyfriend multiple times. <ee> <efs>I'm 23 now, and I live in fear of it happening all over again because of my shitty choices.<efe> <efs>I can't do the normal tasks that my peers do because everything just feels overwhelming, even getting out of bed.<efe> <efs>I deflect my anger and insecurities onto those around me, thusly ruining relationships that are otherwise healthy and good. <efe> <efs>I hate this.<efe> <efs>I hate being this way.<efe> <rs>I just want to escape from my own body, to peel back the skin and start over.<re> <efs>It feels like I'm just laying in a huge heap of dead bodies except the dead bodies are all me.<efe>
| 2
| 2
| 1
| null | null | null | null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
what would help control your anger and insecurities
| null | true
| 221
|
es8p0c
|
Survivor
|
1b
|
rant
| 1
|
I was almost murdered in 2012. My husband (at the the time) stabbed me three times in our kitchen. My son by my late husband was 15. He saved me.
I went through hell, including homelessness, a bad relationship with someone else, developing PTSD with conversion disorder, getting disability.
It was hell. But I'm alive.
The amazing thing? He was charged with attempted murder but got off on simple assault "wounds were inconsistent with him actually trying to kill you". Veterans Court in SC. Violent crimes aren't eligible for it, but crooked system let it go through. 10 months in jail. PERIOD.
Welcome to South Carolina!
|
mermadefeathers
| 1
| 0
| 9
|
2020-01-22 07:34:23
|
domesticviolence
|
<es>I was almost murdered in 2012.<ee> <es>My husband (at the the time) stabbed me three times in our kitchen.<ee> <es>My son by my late husband was 15.<ee> <es>He saved me. <ee> <efs>I went through hell, including homelessness, a bad relationship with someone else, developing PTSD with conversion disorder, getting disability.<efe> <efs>It was hell.<efe> <es>But I'm alive.<ee> <es>The amazing thing?<ee> <es>He was charged with attempted murder but got off on simple assault "wounds were inconsistent with him actually trying to kill you". Veterans Court in SC.<ee> <es>Violent crimes aren't eligible for it, but crooked system let it go through.<ee> <es>10 months in jail.<ee> PERIOD. Welcome to South Carolina!
| 2
| 2
| 0
| null | null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
your husband was not punished
| null | true
| 220
|
elxih7
|
Longest I’ve been clean in 2 years
|
1a
|
rant
| 2
|
So I’ve been clean from opiates for 17 days now which is pretty cool, and clean from etizolam for ~3 months. I feel fine for the most part, other than insomnia and RLS at night for some reason. Idk why but I haven’t craved any opiates at all. Like if I look at r/heroin or r/opiates I’ll kinda miss the ritual and stuff like that but don’t really have this urgent feeling of needing to use if that makes sense.
Honestly I think it’s solely because I moved thousands of miles away to live with my parents for a bit and know I can’t really get anything without some big time risks. But idk? When I leave in a few months and go back to my old house will I crave it? Wtf will my mindset be like by then? These questions I ask myself make me wonder what’s going on. I’ll admit I’ve been drinking 4 times a week or so, so maybe that’s what’s holding me over. Plus chain vaping, although the nicotine percent here is INSANELY low compared to the US.
I’m pretty nervous for when I move back and have to restart everything though. I’ll have to get a new job, then maybe go back to college. Which is fucking terrifying to me because I never went to work or college unless I was blacked out on benzo’s and had some heroin in me. This shit is crazy man. It’s like having to restart everything. For the most part I can function normally in public right now but still have crazy anxiety, plus it doesn’t help I’m not fluent in the language they speak here.
But it sucks having that anxiety again and remembering what I used to be like and remembering why I started using in the first place. Sorry for the long rant, I’m drunk and just thinking about how crazy the past few years have been.
|
SnortyMcSnortFace
| 1
| 0
| 24
|
2020-01-08 19:29:50
|
OpiatesRecovery
|
<es>So I’ve been clean from opiates for 17 days now which is pretty cool, and clean from etizolam for ~3 months.<ee> <efs>I feel fine for the most part, other than insomnia and RLS at night for some reason.<efe> <efs>Idk why but I haven’t craved any opiates at all<ef>. <efs>Like if I look at r/heroin or r/opiates I’ll kinda miss the ritual and stuff like that but don’t really have this urgent feeling of needing to use if that makes sense. <efe> <es>Honestly I think it’s solely because I moved thousands of miles away to live with my parents for a bit and know I can’t really get anything without some big time risks.<ee> <es>But idk? <ee><es>When I leave in a few months and go back to my old house will I crave it?<ee> <es>Wtf will my mindset be like by then?<ee> <es>These questions I ask myself make me wonder what’s going on.<ee> <es>I’ll admit I’ve been drinking 4 times a week or so, so maybe that’s what’s holding me over.<ee> <es>Plus chain vaping, although the nicotine percent here is INSANELY low compared to the US. <ee> <efs>I’m pretty nervous for when I move back and have to restart everything though.<efe> <es>I’ll have to get a new job, then maybe go back to college.<ee> <efs>Which is fucking terrifying to me because I never went to work or college unless I was blacked out on benzo’s and had some heroin in me.<efe> <efs>This shit is crazy man.<efe> <es>It’s like having to restart everything.<ee> <efs>For the most part I can function normally in public right now but still have crazy anxiety, plus it doesn’t help I’m not fluent in the language they speak here. <efe> <efs>But it sucks having that anxiety again and remembering what I used to be like and remembering why I started using in the first place.<efe> Sorry for the long rant, I’m drunk and just thinking about how crazy the past few years have been.
| 2
| 2
| 0
| null | null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you are having anxiety again
| null | true
| 220
|
f8od9d
|
Depression won’t leave
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 1
|
Growing up I endured bullying that scarred me for years. I developed pretty bad anxiety and went through depressive episodes. But recently I’ve really been trying to get my shit together. Traveling around, going to college, working etc. My life is good and it’s just going to get better. But I can’t stop becoming depressed out of nowhere. Every couple of days I will get really sad and depressed. I think of my past and how my life should be different and I just feel so out of it. Lately I’ve been doing that a lot and I’ve been letting myself go. How can I get over my depression? I know there’s no easy fix but any tips would help.
|
BlueNets
| 1
| 0
| 3
|
2020-02-24 08:35:30
|
getting_over_it
|
<es>Growing up I endured bullying that scarred me for years.<ee> <efs>I developed pretty bad anxiety and went through depressive episodes.<efe> <es>But recently I’ve really been trying to get my shit together.<ee> <es>Traveling around, going to college, working etc.<ee> <es>My life is good and it’s just going to get better.<ee> <es>But I can’t stop becoming depressed out of nowhere.<ee> <efs>Every couple of days I will get really sad and depressed.<efe> <efs>I think of my past and how my life should be different and I just feel so out of it.<efe> <es>Lately I’ve been doing that a lot and I’ve been letting myself go.<ee> <rs>How can I get over my depression?<re> <rs>I know there’s no easy fix but any tips would help.<re>
| 2
| 2
| 2
| null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true
| 222
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eii7wy
|
So grateful to wake up sober today and feeling good. No headache, anxiety, guilt, shame or lack of sleep. 4 weeks for me today, it's a struggle at times but in the end Im always relieved&grateful to be sober.
|
0
|
chitchat
| 1
| null |
glitter19
| 1
| 0
| 16
|
2020-01-01 13:13:44
|
alcoholicsanonymous
| null | 0
| 0
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true
| 0
|
ein968
|
Help! Interview Tomorrow but those aren’t very ADHDer friendly
|
0
|
help-seeking
| 1
|
I have a super important interview and I really need to fiddle and not look at people while I’m talking but *that* looks like I’m not paying attention or am too nervous and I lose my trains of thought really easily!
Any tips?
|
PeachBlossomBee
| 1
| 0
| 6
|
2020-01-01 20:26:33
|
ADHD
|
Help! <es>Interview Tomorrow but those aren’t very ADHDer friendly<ee> <es>I have a super important interview and I really need to fiddle and not look at people while I’m talking but *that* looks like I’m not paying attention or am too nervous and I lose my trains of thought really easily! <ee> <rs>Any tips?<re>
| 2
| 0
| 2
| null | null |
How did X make you feel?
|
having an interview
| null | null | null | true
| 202
|
ei97q2
|
Goin into 2020 with broken heart, exhausted of living, with failed 2 weeks break and holidays because of alcoholic and abusive father.
|
1b
|
rant
| 2
|
I seriously don't find any sense celebrating something i do even want to come. 30mins to 2020 my time and i'm here surounder by people partying puttin on a fake face that i am enjoying it all.... I'd prefer to sleep in a car somewhere peaceful. Am I the only one tired of all the crap happening and pretending everything is ok doesn't seem to work anymore. I'm running out of life force and will to achieve anything in my damned life. I would wake up to my father n mother having yet another fight my sister pretending to be asleep. Forced to listen how my wasted piece of shit dad ruined everything for me argues how he has tumor in his head, acting like a damned retard. I am typing so I can get some of that shit out of my system. HOW HAPPY IM GONNA GREET 2020 I WISH YALL HAPPY NEW YEAR. I SURE AS HELL HOPE NO ONE GETS HIS NEXT YEAR RUINED. YALL WILL PROSPER ACHIEVE WHATEVER THE HELL YA WANT, THIS IS THE YEAR WE ALL STOP LETTING OTHERS RUIN OUR HAPPINESS!
|
Cataclyps
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
2019-12-31 21:36:01
|
depression
|
<es>Goin into 2020 with broken heart, exhausted of living, with failed 2 weeks break and holidays because of alcoholic and abusive father.<ee> I seriously don't find any sense celebrating something i do even want to come. 30mins to 2020 my time and i'm here surounder by people partying puttin on a fake face that i am enjoying it all.... <I'd prefer to sleep in a car somewhere peaceful. <efs>Am I the only one tired of all the crap happening and pretending everything is ok doesn't seem to work anymore.<efe> <efs>I'm running out of life force and will to achieve anything in my damned life.<efe> <es>I would wake up to my father n mother having yet another fight my sister pretending to be asleep.<ee> <es>Forced to listen how my wasted piece of shit dad ruined everything for me argues how he has tumor in his head, acting like a damned retard.<ee> I am typing so I can get some of that shit out of my system. HOW HAPPY IM GONNA GREET 2020 I WISH YALL HAPPY NEW YEAR. I SURE AS HELL HOPE NO ONE GETS HIS NEXT YEAR RUINED. YALL WILL PROSPER ACHIEVE WHATEVER THE HELL YA WANT, THIS IS THE YEAR WE ALL STOP LETTING OTHERS RUIN OUR HAPPINESS!
| 2
| 1
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
how you feel about your father
|
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you are tired of handling your father's situation
| null | true
| 210
|
eohudx
|
Chat Room
|
0
|
survey
| 1
|
Is there anyone interested in a chatroom here?
This seems to be a good source of AA community members, and, unfortunately, I work crazy hours at a hospital and rarely have a chance to make it to meetings or call a sponsor.
Would anyone here be interested in a chatroom so that members here could have someone to talk to any time they needed?
Just wondering,
|
tiredtooyoung
| 1
| 0
| 9
|
2020-01-14 07:01:34
|
alcoholicsanonymous
|
<rs>Is there anyone interested in a chatroom here? <re> <es>This seems to be a good source of AA community members, and, unfortunately, I work crazy hours at a hospital and rarely have a chance to make it to meetings or call a sponsor.<ee> <rs>Would anyone here be interested in a chatroom so that members here could have someone to talk to any time they needed? <re> Just wondering,
| 2
| 0
| 2
| null | null |
How did X make you feel?
|
working crazy hours
| null | null | null | true
| 202
|
ezyowj
|
8 month anniversary - Survivor post!
|
1b
|
chitchat
| 3
|
Hi all,
I almost can't believe I'm writing this. I left my abuser on June 6th, 2019 - so today is my 8 month anniversary. I can't wait to celebrate at one year :)
About a year ago, it was my 25th and spending the weekend with all my friends at a beach house. I was excited to bring my boyfriend to meet all my friends. He (he always had health problems - now I really question how legitimate they are) get very, very sick, and insisted I take him (alone) to the ER. I didn't have my car, and I wanted one of my friends to drive us there. he insisted I go there alone with him. I spent my birthday alone with him, in the ER, somewhere in New York, missing my friends (who flew in from around the US/the world to get together).
He wouldn't let me dance anymore, kept me apart from my friends as much as possible, and constantly said negative things about my family that I started believing. In the morning, I couldn't go to the bathroom, even though I'd always wake up before him. I had to stay in bed and just hold it. His diets were always extreme (like he was either living purely on junk food, or eating super healthy with no bread/coffee/potatoes/etc.) Whatever diet he was on, I had to go along with it - my weight totally yoyo'd all year.
We fought constantly about laundry. I enjoyed doing laundry at my parents house - it's free, they live around the corner, and it's a good excuse to spend time with them. He wanted us to go to a laundromat. I later realized this was only to keep me from seeing my parents.
He manipulated me into buying a house. He'd frequently "confiscate" my phone and my car keys if I wasn't paying enough attention to him. I'd have to negotiate for how long I was allowed to leave the house for. To this day - what I love the most is being able to stay out as late as I want!
He forced me to take sleeping pills I didn't need, and now I'm dependent on them. I lost 10s of thousands of dollars by buying a house with him. He convinced me I had severe mental illness and got me to see a psychiatrist. I started taking ADHD meds I didn't need. (I do not have mental illness and never have).
&#x200B;
He gaslit me HARD. I never knew what was real and what wasn't. The first time he choked me and slammed me into the wall in the living room, I wasn't sure what had happened. I asked him about it later, and he said that it never happened, that I imagined it. It wasn't until I left him and started getting therapy that I realized - it did happen, and it was real. I can still feel his thumbs pressed against the front of my neck.
&#x200B;
He forced us to be homeless for 7 months. Do you know how hard it was to get ready for work in the morning? He airbnbd our apartment, and later our house, and kept all the money, and in the meantime, forced me to live in terrible conditions.
He actually broke up with me. He wanted me to give him $17,000, and told me he'd break up with me if I refused. So- I refused. I didn't have the money anyway. Later, he told me he'd "forgive me" and we could stay together. I am SO glad I had friends who helped me see the truth - because I almost went back.
I wish I had known that couples counseling is not helpful, and it's counterproductive. We saw a couples therapist, and I definitely stayed with him for about 6 months longer because the therapist always agreed with him, on every point. She always sided with him (he was very manipulative). Couples counseling is actually NOT recommended in cases of DV and it can make things worse: [https://www.thehotline.org/2014/08/01/why-we-dont-recommend-couples-counseling-for-abusive-relationships/](https://www.thehotline.org/2014/08/01/why-we-dont-recommend-couples-counseling-for-abusive-relationships/)
In November I made an appointment with this therapist and just yelled at her for like 20 minutes. I gave her articles and a book to read. I described all the ways in which her lack of professionalism hurt me. It was great - she listened, and I really think she took it to heart.
Here's another great article on gaslighting: [https://www.thehotline.org/2014/05/29/what-is-gaslighting/](https://www.thehotline.org/2014/05/29/what-is-gaslighting/)
&#x200B;
Anyway, as far as I'm concerned, I'm not truly "out of the woods" until I finish my taxes for this year. I hope I can get that wrapped up soon. For anyone who is going through something similar (or if you think you might be) get HELP. Get perspective. Spend some time alone in the woods (seriously, that's what helped me).
But most of all, get out. Life with an abuser will always feel like struggling to stay afloat. It took me about a month to truly believe I was being abused (and that was with literally dozens of people shouting it at me!)
Life has gotten so much better. I'm still dealing with a lot of financial shit and I'm terrified of men (and was raped while I was sleeping, very shortly after breaking up with him, by someone else) but things are so so much better when you escape your abuser.
If you need help trying to figure out if you're a victim, please reach out to me. It gets better!
|
PrestigiousParsnips
| 1
| 0
| 15
|
2020-02-06 20:42:06
|
domesticviolence
|
Hi all, I almost can't believe I'm writing this. I left my abuser on June 6th, 2019 - so today is my 8 month anniversary. I can't wait to celebrate at one year :) About a year ago, it was my 25th and spending the weekend with all my friends at a beach house. I was excited to bring my boyfriend to meet all my friends. He (he always had health problems - now I really question how legitimate they are) get very, very sick, and insisted I take him (alone) to the ER. I didn't have my car, and I wanted one of my friends to drive us there. he insisted I go there alone with him. I spent my birthday alone with him, in the ER, somewhere in New York, missing my friends (who flew in from around the US/the world to get together). He wouldn't let me dance anymore, kept me apart from my friends as much as possible, and constantly said negative things about my family that I started believing. In the morning, I couldn't go to the bathroom, even though I'd always wake up before him. I had to stay in bed and just hold it. His diets were always extreme (like he was either living purely on junk food, or eating super healthy with no bread/coffee/potatoes/etc.) Whatever diet he was on, I had to go along with it - my weight totally yoyo'd all year. We fought constantly about laundry. I enjoyed doing laundry at my parents house - it's free, they live around the corner, and it's a good excuse to spend time with them. He wanted us to go to a laundromat. I later realized this was only to keep me from seeing my parents. He manipulated me into buying a house. He'd frequently "confiscate" my phone and my car keys if I wasn't paying enough attention to him. I'd have to negotiate for how long I was allowed to leave the house for. To this day - what I love the most is being able to stay out as late as I want! He forced me to take sleeping pills I didn't need, and now I'm dependent on them. I lost 10s of thousands of dollars by buying a house with him. He convinced me I had severe mental illness and got me to see a psychiatrist. I started taking ADHD meds I didn't need. (I do not have mental illness and never have). &#x200B; He gaslit me HARD. I never knew what was real and what wasn't. The first time he choked me and slammed me into the wall in the living room, I wasn't sure what had happened. I asked him about it later, and he said that it never happened, that I imagined it. It wasn't until I left him and started getting therapy that I realized - it did happen, and it was real. I can still feel his thumbs pressed against the front of my neck. &#x200B; He forced us to be homeless for 7 months. Do you know how hard it was to get ready for work in the morning? He airbnbd our apartment, and later our house, and kept all the money, and in the meantime, forced me to live in terrible conditions. He actually broke up with me. He wanted me to give him $17,000, and told me he'd break up with me if I refused. So- I refused. I didn't have the money anyway. Later, he told me he'd "forgive me" and we could stay together. I am SO glad I had friends who helped me see the truth - because I almost went back. I wish I had known that couples counseling is not helpful, and it's counterproductive. We saw a couples therapist, and I definitely stayed with him for about 6 months longer because the therapist always agreed with him, on every point. She always sided with him (he was very manipulative). Couples counseling is actually NOT recommended in cases of DV and it can make things worse: [https://www.thehotline.org/2014/08/01/why-we-dont-recommend-couples-counseling-for-abusive-relationships/](https://www.thehotline.org/2014/08/01/why-we-dont-recommend-couples-counseling-for-abusive-relationships/) In November I made an appointment with this therapist and just yelled at her for like 20 minutes. I gave her articles and a book to read. I described all the ways in which her lack of professionalism hurt me. It was great - she listened, and I really think she took it to heart. Here's another great article on gaslighting: [https://www.thehotline.org/2014/05/29/what-is-gaslighting/](https://www.thehotline.org/2014/05/29/what-is-gaslighting/) &#x200B; Anyway, as far as I'm concerned, I'm not truly "out of the woods" until I finish my taxes for this year. I hope I can get that wrapped up soon. For anyone who is going through something similar (or if you think you might be) get HELP. Get perspective. Spend some time alone in the woods (seriously, that's what helped me). But most of all, get out. Life with an abuser will always feel like struggling to stay afloat. It took me about a month to truly believe I was being abused (and that was with literally dozens of people shouting it at me!) Life has gotten so much better. I'm still dealing with a lot of financial shit and I'm terrified of men (and was raped while I was sleeping, very shortly after breaking up with him, by someone else) but things are so so much better when you escape your abuser. If you need help trying to figure out if you're a victim, please reach out to me. It gets better!
| 0
| 0
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true
| 0
|
ei7wzx
|
A tip that helps me - start on your way
|
0
|
chitchat
| 1
|
Have something to do/someplace to go? Want to not regret your decision not to go/participate later? Go part of the way. Stay in the moment. Don’t think of going to that thing, that appointment, that date, etc. Think of going to something less anxiety provoking around the area. Leave a little early. Once you’re there consider taking the next step and going/participating out of “convenience.”
This method isn’t full proof. But if you’re like me, I find it working more times than not. For those of us with social anxiety things seem so daunting, it’s all or nothing. And if it doesn’t “work,” you’ll be proud of yourself for trying though you didn’t necessarily think of “trying” anything at the time.
|
anxiouscharlie
| 1
| 0
| 1
|
2019-12-31 19:54:27
|
socialanxiety
|
Have something to do/someplace to go? Want to not regret your decision not to go/participate later? Go part of the way. Stay in the moment. Don’t think of going to that thing, that appointment, that date, etc. Think of going to something less anxiety provoking around the area. Leave a little early. Once you’re there consider taking the next step and going/participating out of “convenience.” This method isn’t full proof. But if you’re like me, I find it working more times than not. For those of us with social anxiety things seem so daunting, it’s all or nothing. And if it doesn’t “work,” you’ll be proud of yourself for trying though you didn’t necessarily think of “trying” anything at the time.
| 0
| 0
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
positive
| true
| 0
|
f5yoip
|
Anger from reading American Literature
|
1b
|
rant
| 3
|
one of my biggest sources of anger has actually come from my american literature book. right now we're studying olaudah equiano.
in his accounts, he mentioned that some white people would rape 10 years old african slaves or younger, but on the same turn cut up a black guy for having sex with a white prostitute that allowed him to, when she was cast out of her own socitey. he specifically mentions their cruelty - stating how they cut his ears bit by bit.
how do i not get angry over that? when i read this, i threw the book into the wall. its not that i think things haven't changed in this country, but when you examine the history from settlement all the way to now, what really has changed? what huge strides have been made? equiano is like what? late 17th century? you can go all the way up to jim crow or the war on drugs which were like last year in contemporary terms.
and then talking to normal people about this, is impossible because they deny that these things happen and act like they never happened and act like everything is good and so much change is made because obama became president and now everythings over.
it riles me up a wall that they didn't even begin to teach this stuff in school and hid so much history. and then i get further upset that my english teacher straight up told me last semester "they leave a lot of african american history out" due to "white amnesia". in all my education he was the only person to be this honest.
this was in relation to learning about the hawks nest tragedy. they dont even have a total on how many african americans died.
every time i go to learning, there's some other horrible tragedy that happen that people act like never happened or wasn't even on the radar.
my thoughts get super dark, but the issue is I don't see why i should adopt some attitude that "times are better" and that everything is good or that "i should be the change" or some other bullshit like that. our president threw paper towels at people after a natural disaster.
the more i read, the more i just want to get even and there's no empathetic argument that exists in my eyes. there's no reason i should believe that i shouldn't, because as far as im concerned - this country would deserve it.
people say "now" things are better. are they really? this country is pretty much a plutocracy and the power has been stripped from the middle class people and belongs to the rich, but im supposed to stand idly by and represent this country - when it didnt even properly educate me on ITS OWN history. its fucking infuriating. that doesn't mean im going to haphazardly run out and shoot up something, but damn sure have no empathy towards the vast majority of people in this country who blindly accept it and act like its a bastion of peace and liberty.
|
boiledpeanuts000
| 1
| 0
| 4
|
2020-02-18 21:00:24
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Anger
|
one of my biggest sources of anger has actually come from my american literature book. right now we're studying olaudah equiano. in his accounts, he mentioned that some white people would rape 10 years old african slaves or younger, but on the same turn cut up a black guy for having sex with a white prostitute that allowed him to, when she was cast out of her own socitey. he specifically mentions their cruelty - stating how they cut his ears bit by bit. how do i not get angry over that? when i read this, i threw the book into the wall. its not that i think things haven't changed in this country, but when you examine the history from settlement all the way to now, what really has changed? what huge strides have been made? equiano is like what? late 17th century? you can go all the way up to jim crow or the war on drugs which were like last year in contemporary terms. and then talking to normal people about this, is impossible because they deny that these things happen and act like they never happened and act like everything is good and so much change is made because obama became president and now everythings over. it riles me up a wall that they didn't even begin to teach this stuff in school and hid so much history. and then i get further upset that my english teacher straight up told me last semester "they leave a lot of african american history out" due to "white amnesia". in all my education he was the only person to be this honest. this was in relation to learning about the hawks nest tragedy. they dont even have a total on how many african americans died. every time i go to learning, there's some other horrible tragedy that happen that people act like never happened or wasn't even on the radar. my thoughts get super dark, but the issue is I don't see why i should adopt some attitude that "times are better" and that everything is good or that "i should be the change" or some other bullshit like that. our president threw paper towels at people after a natural disaster. the more i read, the more i just want to get even and there's no empathetic argument that exists in my eyes. there's no reason i should believe that i shouldn't, because as far as im concerned - this country would deserve it. people say "now" things are better. are they really? this country is pretty much a plutocracy and the power has been stripped from the middle class people and belongs to the rich, but im supposed to stand idly by and represent this country - when it didnt even properly educate me on ITS OWN history. its fucking infuriating. that doesn't mean im going to haphazardly run out and shoot up something, but damn sure have no empathy towards the vast majority of people in this country who blindly accept it and act like its a bastion of peace and liberty.
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
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random
| true
| 0
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eiik97
|
Good place to go for a 5th step?
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0
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help-seeking
| 1
|
I normally take my sponsees to Crossroads church on a weeknight but they are closed in New Year's Day. Any suggestions?
|
lavelyjk
| 1
| 0
| 10
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2020-01-01 13:55:57
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alcoholicsanonymous
|
I normally take my sponsees to Crossroads church on a weeknight but they are closed in New Year's Day. Any suggestions?
| 0
| 0
| 0
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true
| 0
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eo6d4n
|
Why can't i just give up physics if i feel that way ?
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 2
|
Hello guys, i hope i'm in the right subreddit for this(This is gonna be long so you can understand my thinking)...From when i was a little kid in primary school i was curious and i wanted others to answer every "why" i had. I was good at math, but then i met physics... I fell in love with them and i loved how it had answers to question i couldn't even think of. My teachers were always like (through all of my school years): Your kid is very smart BUT he is lazy. I believed i was smart, i starting digging into physics more and subscribed to many youtube science chanells that i could spend hours watching. It was certain, i was MADE to be a physicist. Then came the last class of high school (in Greece you have to take exams when you finish school in various subjects depending on the direction you chose, so that you can enter the university of your choice). It was pretty tough for me ... i never studied because i "had to" i always did it when i wanted to and because i wanted to. I was even bored to study physics and math.I started to doubt myself...Do i really want this? Am i capable of becoming the great scientist i always dreamed of ? Am i even smart ?. Also i had no friends (and i still don't have), i went through all of this alone, i made only 1 during the end of the season with who i am now separated due to university. Anyways i got my results... Not even close to what i wanted...But they were enough for a place at the university of patras. I'm here now, studing....Physics! yey, i finally made it!... Not exactly, you see i still like science and physics, i can feel that it's not over...I just don't have the same passion anymore... i feel like i know everything there is to learn and everything else from now on is just precise definitions and exact measuring, i don't have that curious kid inside me anymore... It's like i lost my "color", i feel like i am greyed out, that i lost my purpose in life...All i do is learning guitar (on my own)(i started when i entered university) and game development, which i have started before uni. Now i even lost my exams because i didn't know i had to declare the subjects i'm studying at this semester. I wanted to be a cosmologist...seems like i'm a looser with no friends and DEFINITELY not smart [enough.](https://enough.Zero) Zero motivation and expectations.
I don't even care whether this sub is the right one or not, i don't know if anyone can help me, what question to make...All i know is that i don't know.
&#x200B;
Thank you for reading this. Don't get me wrong, i love life and i feel for lucky being who i am, i don't know why my mind is "sabotaging" me.
|
Stavros_kaskuras
| 1
| 0
| 19
|
2020-01-13 16:27:28
|
selfhelp
|
Hello guys, i hope i'm in the right subreddit for this(This is gonna be long so you can understand my thinking)...<es>From when i was a little kid in primary school i was curious and i wanted others to answer every "why" i had.<ee> <es>I was good at math, but then i met physics... I fell in love with them and i loved how it had answers to question i couldn't even think of.<ee> <es>My teachers were always like (through all of my school years): Your kid is very smart BUT he is lazy.<ee> <es>I believed i was smart, i starting digging into physics more and subscribed to many youtube science chanells that i could spend hours watching.<ee> <es>It was certain, i was MADE to be a physicist.<ee> <es>Then came the last class of high school (in Greece you have to take exams when you finish school in various subjects depending on the direction you chose, so that you can enter the university of your choice).<ee> <es>It was pretty tough for me ... i never studied because i "had to" i always did it when i wanted to and because i wanted to.<ee> <es>I was even bored to study physics and math.<ee><es>I started to doubt myself...Do i really want this?<ee> <es>Am i capable of becoming the great scientist i always dreamed of ?<ee> <es>Am i even smart ?.<ee> <es>Also i had no friends (and i still don't have), i went through all of this alone, i made only 1 during the end of the season with who i am now separated due to university.<ee> <es>Anyways i got my results... Not even close to what i wanted...But they were enough for a place at the university of patras.<ee> <es>I'm here now, studing....Physics! yey, i finally made it!...<ee> <efs>Not exactly, you see i still like science and physics, i can feel that it's not over...I just don't have the same passion anymore...<efe> <efs>i feel like i know everything there is to learn and everything else from now on is just precise definitions and exact measuring, i don't have that curious kid inside me anymore...<efe> <efs>It's like i lost my "color", i feel like i am greyed out, that i lost my purpose in life...<efe><es>All i do is learning guitar (on my own)(i started when i entered university) and game development, which i have started before uni.<ee> <es>Now i even lost my exams because i didn't know i had to declare the subjects i'm studying at this semester.<ee> <es>I wanted to be a cosmologist...seems like i'm a looser with no friends and DEFINITELY not smart [enough.](https://enough.Zero) Zero motivation and expectations.<ee> I don't even care whether this sub is the right one or not, i don't know if anyone can help me, what question to make...All i know is that i don't know. &#x200B; Thank you for reading this. <es>Don't get me wrong, i love life and i feel for lucky being who i am, i don't know why my mind is "sabotaging" me.<ee>
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you lost your passion for physics
| null | true
| 220
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eipjix
|
r/AITA has shitty guidelines so can y’all help me instead
|
1b
|
help-seeking
| 2
|
I have a small friend group and a couple of us have had a history of self harm. I’ll call the specific friend this story is about C.
So me and C both had self harmed about 2 years ago but C managed to stop and had been clean for a bit over a year while I had continued to do it almost daily. She has known this and I’ve been kind of hesitant to talk to her about it because of her history and me being scared to trigger a relapse. So I eventually get sort of okay talking to her about it while still making sure she’d be okay. I’ve been struggling a lot recently with [REDACTED] thoughts and self destructive thoughts along with some obsessive thoughts. They’ve sort of been consuming me recently and I had been sort of brushing everyone off due to this. Last night C messaged me and said she had relapsed 2 days ago. I just left her on read because I had been on the verge of a mental breakdown already and this pushed me over the edge. She proceeded to send me many more messages trying to explain herself and I just left them all on read trying to process. About an hour or two later I sent her a text saying that I didn’t wanna talk right now and that I couldn’t handle it at the time. She said ok. This morning I sent her a text saying
“I just wanted to let you know that I’m sorry you relapsed and I hope you’re able to sort your situation out. I’m not going to be able to help you because I’ve been in a horrible place lately but I won’t trouble you with my issues anymore. Sorry about last night. I was already on like the verge of a breakdown and that kinda pushed me over the top a little.”
I feel really guilty for this but I truly cannot handle this. I do care about her and want her to stop but I can’t be there for her right now.
TLDR; I told my friend I can’t help her work through her self harm relapse because I myself am struggling with a lot.
Am I the Asshole?
|
SaltyBeeSama
| 1
| 0
| 1
|
2020-01-01 23:22:44
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selfharm
|
<es>I have a small friend group and a couple of us have had a history of self harm.<ee> <es>I’ll call the specific friend this story is about C.<ee> <es>So me and C both had self harmed about 2 years ago but C managed to stop and had been clean for a bit over a year while I had continued to do it almost daily.<ee> <es>She has known this and I’ve been kind of hesitant to talk to her about it because of her history and me being scared to trigger a relapse.<ee> <es>So I eventually get sort of okay talking to her about it while still making sure she’d be okay.<ee> <es>I’ve been struggling a lot recently with [REDACTED] thoughts and self destructive thoughts along with some obsessive thoughts.<ee> <es>They’ve sort of been consuming me recently and I had been sort of brushing everyone off due to this.<ee> <es>Last night C messaged me and said she had relapsed 2 days ago.<ee> <es>I just left her on read because I had been on the verge of a mental breakdown already and this pushed me over the edge.<ee> <es>She proceeded to send me many more messages trying to explain herself and I just left them all on read trying to process.<ee> <es>About an hour or two later I sent her a text saying that I didn’t wanna talk right now and that I couldn’t handle it at the time.<ee> <es>She said ok.<ee> <es>This morning I sent her a text saying “I just wanted to let you know that I’m sorry you relapsed and I hope you’re able to sort your situation out. I’m not going to be able to help you because I’ve been in a horrible place lately but I won’t trouble you with my issues anymore. Sorry about last night. I was already on like the verge of a breakdown and that kinda pushed me over the top a little.”<ee> <efs>I feel really guilty for this but I truly cannot handle this.<efe> <es>I do care about her and want her to stop but I can’t be there for her right now. <ee> <es>TLDR; I told my friend I can’t help her work through her self harm relapse because I myself am struggling with a lot.<ee> <efs>Am I the Asshole?<efe>
| 2
| 2
| 0
| null | null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you are unable to help your friend stop self harm
| null | true
| 220
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eiqrdm
|
The heavy darkness doesn’t leave, does it? (CW)
|
1a
|
rant
| 2
|
A decade ago I tried to take my own life. I was so sad and tired and sick of the world at 20 I couldn’t see how to carry on with it. The weight of my heart in my chest felt like a 5kg block of ice all the time. It was suffocating. Still, I made it through and for a bit I lived off the high of surviving. Went to uni and met a boy.
Few years later, he turned out to be a twat and the darkness returned. The weight of my heart grew again and everything went wrong for a while until he left.
Again, I survived and felt free for a bit because my chains were no longer binding me. Then I realised that my job didn’t fulfil me, and I still lived in my parents house at 25, so the icy darkness returned. I went back to uni to train for the job I’d always wanted to do.
It was fine for a while there as I got used to a new city and a new challenge. Then it returned, I presumed because of stress and deadlines. When I finished uni for my masters I moved in with my new boyfriend in a new city and it faded away again.
Two years later, he’s my fiancé. And he’s the most wonderful, caring, sweet and kind fiancé ever. I do the career I worked so fucking hard for. We have a beautiful house, two darling cats, I work in a good place, I’m an aunty for the first time as of October. I’ve been self harm free since May 2017. We’re financially secure and planning a lovely wedding... what I’m saying is: Shit should be damn good.
But fuck that icy darkness is back again. I can’t sleep, I have nightmares all the time about the most stupid things - and sometimes about self harming/purging, I feel hatred for my job and cry before I go to work on the drive in most days (when I leave I reflect in the car about how it wasn’t that bad really). No reason why. It’s just not me. Or is it just the icy darkness that won’t leave me? I can’t explain why I feel like crap to anyone and I don’t know myself. I can’t burden my fiancé with my sadness because it just makes him sad but I don’t know what to do anymore :(
I feel like I will always have this peak and trough of sadness and happiness, but as we think about growing our family in the next few years I can’t be crying in bed on a Sunday night because I don’t want to get up the next day or changing my career again because I’m bored of it,
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takhana
| 1
| 0
| 1
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2020-01-02 00:59:39
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BPD
|
<es>A decade ago I tried to take my own life.<ee> <efs>I was so sad and tired and sick of the world at 20 I couldn’t see how to carry on with it.<efe> <efs>The weight of my heart in my chest felt like a 5kg block of ice all the time.<efe> <efs>It was suffocating.<efe> <es>Still, I made it through and for a bit I lived off the high of surviving.<ee> <es>Went to uni and met a boy.<ee> <es>Few years later, he turned out to be a twat and the darkness returned. <ee><efs>The weight of my heart grew again and everything went wrong for a while until he left. <efe> <es>Again, I survived and felt free for a bit because my chains were no longer binding me.<ee> <es>Then I realised that my job didn’t fulfil me, and I still lived in my parents house at 25, so the icy darkness returned.<ee> <es>I went back to uni to train for the job I’d always wanted to do.<ee> <es>It was fine for a while there as I got used to a new city and a new challenge.<ee> <es>Then it returned, I presumed because of stress and deadlines.<ee> <es>When I finished uni for my masters I moved in with my new boyfriend in a new city and it faded away again.<eE> <es>Two years later, he’s my fiancé.<ee> <es>And he’s the most wonderful, caring, sweet and kind fiancé ever.<ee> <es>I do the career I worked so fucking hard for.<ee> <es>We have a beautiful house, two darling cats, I work in a good place, I’m an aunty for the first time as of October.<ee> <es>I’ve been self harm free since May 2017.<ee> <es>We’re financially secure and planning a lovely wedding... what I’m saying is: Shit should be damn good. <ee> <es>But fuck that icy darkness is back again.<ee> <efs>I can’t sleep, I have nightmares all the time about the most stupid things - and sometimes about self harming/purging, I feel hatred for my job and cry before I go to work on the drive in most days (when I leave I reflect in the car about how it wasn’t that bad really).<efe> <es>No reason why.<ee> <rs>It’s just not me.<rs> <rs>Or is it just the icy darkness that won’t leave me?<re> <efs>I can’t explain why I feel like crap to anyone and I don’t know myself.<efe> <es>I can’t burden my fiancé with my sadness because it just makes him sad but I don’t know what to do anymore :(<ee> <efs>I feel like I will always have this peak and trough of sadness and happiness, but as we think about growing our family in the next few years I can’t be crying in bed on a Sunday night because I don’t want to get up the next day or changing my career again because I’m bored of it,<efe>
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eiaoq1
|
Not depressed not sad just can't stand the constant extreme anxiety. Please advise I feel like i am reaching my limit.
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1a
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help-seeking
| 2
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I just removed a belt from my neck tempting fate by hanging tied to the door frame. Don't worry I will never hurt myself or mess around like that again. The thought of my family and gf finding me keeps me going. I can't express emotions in real life. I feel totally lost. My fucking doctor put me on klonopin for near a decade. I quit taking it regularly but now have crazy paws symptoms. It worked for a long time but now that I'm off it my brain is fucked. I have bad insomnia and force myself to the gym and to eat well but it does nothing to help. Try doing crazy dead lift and sled push then not sleeping.. No recovery feel destroyed. I tried maybe 7 antidepressants and they do zero. Only alcohol, benzo, kratom help. But that stuff makes it even worse so I try not to use it. Don't trust doctors because that fuck put me on klonopin for so long and made everything worse.
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ShaginQuest
| 1
| 0
| 0
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2019-12-31 23:34:46
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Anxiety
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<es>Not depressed not sad just can't stand the constant extreme anxiety.<ee> <rs>Please advise I feel like i am reaching my limit.<re> <es>I just removed a belt from my neck tempting fate by hanging tied to the door frame.<ee> <es>Don't worry I will never hurt myself or mess around like that again.<ee> <es>The thought of my family and gf finding me keeps me going.<ee> <es>I can't express emotions in real life.<ee> <efs>I feel totally lost.<efe> <es>My fucking doctor put me on klonopin for near a decade.<ee> <es>I quit taking it regularly but now have crazy paws symptoms.<ee> <efs>It worked for a long time but now that I'm off it my brain is fucked.<efe> <es>I have bad insomnia and force myself to the gym and to eat well but it does nothing to help.<ee> <es>Try doing crazy dead lift and sled push then not sleeping..<ee> <efs>No recovery feel destroyed.<efe> <es>I tried maybe 7 antidepressants and they do zero.<ee> <es>Only alcohol, benzo, kratom help.<ee> <es>But that stuff makes it even worse so I try not to use it.<ee> <es>Don't trust doctors because that fuck put me on klonopin for so long and made everything worse.<ee>
| 2
| 2
| 1
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
what would help you with your anxiety
| null | true
| 221
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eiojsm
|
My mom saw my cuts
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0
|
rant
| 1
|
“What’s that?”
“Oh nothing, it’s just... I accidentally cut myself on a corner of something” WITH AN ARM FULL OF NEW AND OLD CUTS OF VARYING SIZE
She hasn’t asked me anything about it yet and hasn’t talked...
Oh man why can’t I just cut in peace
|
PM_ME_PET1TE_GIRLS
| 1
| 0
| 3
|
2020-01-01 22:03:44
|
selfharm
|
<es>My mom saw my cuts <ee> <es>“What’s that?”<ee> <es>“Oh nothing, it’s just... I accidentally cut myself on a corner of something” WITH AN ARM FULL OF NEW AND OLD CUTS OF VARYING SIZE<ee> <es>She hasn’t asked me anything about it yet and hasn’t talked...<ee> Oh man why can’t I just cut in peace
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
why you cut yourself
|
How did X make you feel?
|
mom seeing your cuts
|
What do you need help with now that X?
|
your mom saw your cuts
| null | true
| 100
|
eice3a
|
Conflicted
|
1a
|
rant
| 1
|
I know that I should go out and be social and part of me wants to but I also have this overwhelming urge to be alone and do absolutely nothing not to mention my crippling anxiety. No matter how much I regret doing nothing the cycle continues.
|
StitchXXVI
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
2020-01-01 01:58:02
|
depression
|
<efs>I know that I should go out and be social and part of me wants to but I also have this overwhelming urge to be alone and do absolutely nothing not to mention my crippling anxiety.<efe> <efs>No matter how much I regret doing nothing the cycle continues.<efe>
| 0
| 2
| 0
|
What made you feel X ?
|
lonely and anxious
| null | null |
What can help you overcome X ?
|
your anxiety
| null | true
| 20
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ez86j0
|
Need advice
|
1b
|
help-seeking
| 1
|
I posted it his yesterday but thought I didn’t word it well, so here it is again.
I’ve been having anger problems for a while now but they haven’t been as bad as this. Everyone seems to not like me because of my anger. No one really helps me with it, they just tell me to calm down or to get a stress ball. Everyone thinks it’s a simple task to “calm down” but it’s really not. Does anyone have any ideas on what I could do?
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OhFroh261
| 1
| 0
| 4
|
2020-02-05 11:26:48
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Anger
|
I posted it his yesterday but thought I didn’t word it well, so here it is again. <es>I’ve been having anger problems for a while now but they haven’t been as bad as this.<ee> <es>Everyone seems to not like me because of my anger.<ee> <es>No one really helps me with it, they just tell me to calm down or to get a stress ball.<ee> <es>Everyone thinks it’s a simple task to “calm down” but it’s really not.<ee> <rs>Does anyone have any ideas on what I could do?<re>
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| 2
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null |
How did X make you feel?
|
the anger problems
| null | null | null | true
| 202
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evhsss
|
Songs to listen to while angry?
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0
|
survey
| 1
|
I find that listening to music while angry helps get it out of my system a bit here are some of my favorites
1. A Song for the Dead by Queens of the Stone Age
2. You Will Never be One of Us by Nails
3. Blood and Thunder by Mastodon
4. Hell Broke Luce by Tom Waits
5. 5 Minutes Alone by Pantera
6. Who Dat Boy by Tyler the Creator
7. Takyon by Death Grips
8. Blacker the Berry by Kendrick Lamar
9. Devils Rejects by Rob Zombie
10. Native Blood by Silent Planet
11. Fat Around the Heart by King 810
Anyone else have any angry songs? feel free to share em!
|
GreatAndPowerfulKoz
| 2
| 0
| 15
|
2020-01-29 04:30:24
|
Anger
|
I find that listening to music while angry helps get it out of my system a bit here are some of my favorites 1. A Song for the Dead by Queens of the Stone Age 2. You Will Never be One of Us by Nails 3. Blood and Thunder by Mastodon 4. Hell Broke Luce by Tom Waits 5. 5 Minutes Alone by Pantera 6. Who Dat Boy by Tyler the Creator 7. Takyon by Death Grips 8. Blacker the Berry by Kendrick Lamar 9. Devils Rejects by Rob Zombie 10. Native Blood by Silent Planet 11. Fat Around the Heart by King 810 Anyone else have any angry songs? feel free to share em!
| 0
| 0
| 0
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
positive
| true
| 0
|
en8qp7
|
Almost 2 years sober but still 6 mgs methadone
|
1b
|
rant
| 2
|
I’m like the title said I have almost 2 years sober of everything but 1 yr only off weed & still on 6mgs of methadone. 33yrs old & been struggling hard w thoughts of how my life is not what I want but feel like my whole entire circle I have just been ppl pleasing doing what I think will make them less upset w me, even my wife whom is supposedly an addict as well but she doesn’t do anything for her recovery like I do & makes me feel ashamed and guilty, I envy her so much we just bought a house in which she won’t let me live in till I get off the methadone completely and so I’m staying w parents whom make me feel less then as well but hey at least I have shelter. I’m very self aware & just got put on unemployment & have to get off my chest that I wanna smoke weed or maybe Kratom constantly obsessing over getting off this last bit of methadone.. idk which is worse.. sitting around sulking all day or acting upon what I believe is my heart telling me that smoking would be ok 👌 as long as my priorities are being met w more importance. I want off for good but not because I’m feeling like these ppl are forcing me into there way or the high way so I walk around being mr. goody two shoes wherever I go feeling like I lost my identity. Too be fully honest I really like my councelor at the clinic and am attracted to her which I went through a years worth of awkward counseling before I actually grew the balls to tell her this, she was very professional about it but at same time I’m reading into everything so deeply & have very black & white thinking like Maybe my wife is abusive & Maybe some day I will be able to have a relationship w said female above. I feel like I’m losing I shared w my sponsor & omg also the other day he pulls out a bag of weed on me, but instead of insulting I didn’t for fear of losing my kids (even though I have mj card & it’s legal for me even my clinic allows).
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Jynx616
| 1
| 0
| 10
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2020-01-11 15:29:23
|
OpiatesRecovery
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<es>I’m like the title said I have almost 2 years sober of everything but 1 yr only off weed & still on 6mgs of methadone.<ee> <es>33yrs old & been struggling hard w thoughts of how my life is not what I want but feel like my whole entire circle I have just been ppl pleasing doing what I think will make them less upset w me, even my wife whom is supposedly an addict as well but she doesn’t do anything for her recovery like I do &<ee> <efs>makes me feel ashamed and guilty, I envy her so much we just bought a house in which she won’t let me live in till I get off the methadone completely and so I’m staying w parents whom make me feel less then as well but hey at least I have shelter.<efe> <es>I’m very self aware & just got put on unemployment & have to get off my chest that I wanna smoke weed or maybe Kratom constantly obsessing over getting off this last bit of methadone.. idk which is worse.. sitting around sulking all day or acting upon what I believe is my heart telling me that smoking would be ok as long as my priorities are being met w more importance.<ee> <efs>I want off for good but not because I’m feeling like these ppl are forcing me into there way or the high way so I walk around being mr. goody two shoes wherever I go feeling like I lost my identity.<efe> <es>Too be fully honest I really like my councelor at the clinic and am attracted to her which I went through a years worth of awkward counseling before I actually grew the balls to tell her this.<ee> <es>she was very professional about it but at same time I’m reading into everything so deeply & have very black & white thinking like Maybe my wife is abusive &<ee> <es>Maybe some day I will be able to have a relationship w said female above.<ee> <efs>I feel like I’m losing I shared w my sponsor & omg also the other day he pulls out a bag of weed on me, but instead of insulting I didn’t for fear of losing my kids (even though I have mj card & it’s legal for me even my clinic allows).<efe>
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What do you need help with now that X?
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your life is not what you wanted it to be
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fd3brx
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Idk what is going on with me
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1a
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rant
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I would say i'm a shy person, i'm 18 right now, and everything started 6 years ago, that was the time i got my first "girlfriend" for two weeks. (i know thats just some childhood love, nothing serious ) Some conditions had me to break up with her, everything ok until here, 1 hour after the breakup i get a voicemessage with my ex crying in the backround, in the voicemessage : "why did you force her to be your girlfriend". That alone sent my childhead into thinking mode and panic, "what is everyone going to think of me? How do i react to that? What do i do now?" That was the moment i lost all trust into people, i guess. I couldn't really talk to girls without thinking they have something planned or want to hurt me in any way, (like "what bet did you lost that you talk to me" or other things), this went on 2-3 year until it wasnt just the girls i didnt trust, i trusted nobody until there it just became a habbit. That meant i talked less and less with others, that lead to me thinking just about me and nobody else, i lost interest in people, commumication, interactions, hobbys..... Idk what happened after that but i lost more and more of my emotions, i wasnt angry, sad or happy, im just a hollow shell walking around, others ask me why i look so sad or grumpy, im not im just dead inside. I dont feel empathy, i cant understand any bodylanguage from others, i dont get hints (there was a girl 2 years ago that liked me and i didnt get the hints, but i found out after her friends told me) i dont understand people and its extremely hard to hold any conversation, now when i work and have to talk to people ( now i still dont think anyone is talking to me because they want to, its because some reason, hurting me or using me as a tool)
Now im just sitting in my room and chill on the phone or play on my pc or i am working. 2 things i do and its fucking boring and the thought of ending it all is more and more attractive. I want to change something.
What is happening to me.
Sorry if that is cringe af
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daniel_7333
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2020-03-03 23:05:38
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getting_over_it
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<es>I would say i'm a shy person, i'm 18 right now, and everything started 6 years ago, that was the time i got my first "girlfriend" for two weeks.<ee> <es>(i know thats just some childhood love, nothing serious ) Some conditions had me to break up with her, everything ok until here, 1 hour after the breakup i get a voicemessage with my ex crying in the backround, in the voicemessage : "why did you force her to be your girlfriend".<ee> <es>That alone sent my childhead into thinking mode and panic, "what is everyone going to think of me? How do i react to that? What do i do now?"<ee> <efs>That was the moment i lost all trust into people, i guess.<efe> <es>I couldn't really talk to girls without thinking they have something planned or want to hurt me in any way, (like "what bet did you lost that you talk to me" or other things), this went on 2-3 year until it wasnt just the girls i didnt trust, i trusted nobody until there it just became a habbit.<ee> <es>That meant i talked less and less with others, that lead to me thinking just about me and nobody else, i lost interest in people, commumication, interactions, hobbys.....<ee> <efs>Idk what happened after that but i lost more and more of my emotions, i wasnt angry, sad or happy, im just a hollow shell walking around, others ask me why i look so sad or grumpy, im not im just dead inside.<efe> <es>I dont feel empathy, i cant understand any bodylanguage from others, i dont get hints (there was a girl 2 years ago that liked me and i didnt get the hints, but i found out after her friends told me) i dont understand people and its extremely hard to hold any conversation, now when i work and have to talk to people ( now i still dont think anyone is talking to me because they want to, its because some reason, hurting me or using me as a tool).<ee> <es>Now im just sitting in my room and chill on the phone or play on my pc or i am working.<ee> <efs>2 things i do and its fucking boring and the thought of ending it all is more and more attractive.<efe> <rs>I want to change something.<re> <rs>What is happening to me.<re> Sorry if that is cringe af
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Can you elaborate more on X ?
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what would help you feel your emotions again
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evdfqb
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I'm curious to know what, if anything, works for you self-help wise
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0
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chitchat
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I'm 39, live in New York and I'm thinking of creating a service that takes a different approach to self-improvement (no books, no videos, no podcasts). If you'd like to know more (I realize this is vague but I don't want to get into details before posting the survey link), I would really appreciate you taking 2 minutes to complete this survey - it's anonymous by default, but if you'd like me to follow up with you after, please leave your email and I will contact you *only once, purely about this project.* Thank you.
To take the survey: https://pierrelegrain.typeform.com/to/RhDzFm
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pedrito4809
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| 14
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2020-01-28 23:04:11
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selfhelp
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I'm 39, live in New York and I'm thinking of creating a service that takes a different approach to self-improvement (no books, no videos, no podcasts). If you'd like to know more (I realize this is vague but I don't want to get into details before posting the survey link), I would really appreciate you taking 2 minutes to complete this survey - it's anonymous by default, but if you'd like me to follow up with you after, please leave your email and I will contact you *only once, purely about this project.* Thank you. To take the survey: https://pierrelegrain.typeform.com/to/RhDzFm
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
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ejchwd
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Sinking
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1a
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rant
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I'm sinking. I've been out of work for a while now and it's been getting to me. I have a new job lined up but it's minimum wage, which I'm not looking forward to. I've been eating like shit and haven't been working out. My one friend who I thought I could rely on hasn't been responding back to me. I haven't been social. My roommate who I enjoy talking with has been away, and I'm stuck with the one who I have no connection with. This sucks.
I will also be starting a bpd group this month, which I'm excited for. But I'm not sure if my shit job will allow me to take those days off. I cant miss this opportunity for therapy.
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BoopTheTree
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2020-01-03 08:11:18
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BPD
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<efs>I'm sinking.<efe> <es>I've been out of work for a while now and it's been getting to me.<ee> <es>I have a new job lined up but it's minimum wage, which I'm not looking forward to.<ee> <es>I've been eating like shit and haven't been working out.<ee> <es>My one friend who I thought I could rely on hasn't been responding back to me.<ee> <es>I haven't been social.<ee> <es>My roommate who I enjoy talking with has been away, and I'm stuck with the one who I have no connection with.<ee> <efs>This sucks.<efe> <es>I will also be starting a bpd group this month, which I'm excited for.<ee> <es>But I'm not sure if my shit job will allow me to take those days off.<ee> <es>I cant miss this opportunity for therapy.<ee>
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Can you elaborate more on X ?
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how did your job make you feel
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What do you need help with now that X?
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you aren't sure if your job will give leave for therapy
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ei9sau
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Close friend didn’t wish a happy New Year’s Eve back or invite me to celebrate..
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1b
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rant
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So my closed friend has given me the could shoulder for the last couple of months. This morning I wished her a happy New Year’s Eve and nothing but she posted on her social media and she is out with mutual friends and I guess they all decided to not invite me in their hangout...
I’m really sad and it feels like this year is already gone suck. I can’t stop crying or feeling anxious. I want to reply and say “wow not even a happy New Year’s Eve wish, thank you I got the memo :’) “
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PrivateMattersHelp
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| 3
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2019-12-31 22:22:22
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Anxiety
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So my closed friend has given me the could shoulder for the last couple of months. This morning I wished her a happy New Year’s Eve and nothing but she posted on her social media and she is out with mutual friends and I guess they all decided to not invite me in their hangout... I’m really sad and it feels like this year is already gone suck. I can’t stop crying or feeling anxious. I want to reply and say “wow not even a happy New Year’s Eve wish, thank you I got the memo :’) “
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
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What do you need help with now that X?
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you feel sad about your friend's actions
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eid6my
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How do I know if I have good friends?
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1b
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help-seeking
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I’ve been in a funk for a while and I don’t know what to do. In the tenth grade, my ‘best friend’ and I had a falling out at the end of our second semester of school and our shared friend group ended up hanging out with and talking to her more, for most all of the summer and first semester of the following year, I was alone and they kept talking to her. After they realized she was toxic, they started to talk to me more and more and I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel about it. I feel like my friendship with that group was been deteriorating and I’m the worried one and they don’t care if I leave or not. I asked them about it before and they said they didn’t know but I asked one of them beforehand and he said they did know but didn’t know what to do, should I give them a second chance? They’re funny and nice to me but sometimes I just feel like I’m an outlier.
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Keckoon
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2020-01-01 03:13:29
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socialanxiety
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I’ve been in a funk for a while and I don’t know what to do. <es>In the tenth grade, my ‘best friend’ and I had a falling out at the end of our second semester of school and our shared friend group ended up hanging out with and talking to her more, for most all of the summer and first semester of the following year, I was alone and they kept talking to her.<ee> <es>After they realized she was toxic, they started to talk to me more and more and I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel about it.<ee> <efs>I feel like my friendship with that group was been deteriorating and I’m the worried one and they don’t care if I leave or not. I asked them about it before and they said they didn’t know but I asked one of them beforehand and he said they did know but didn’t know what to do, should I give them a second chance?<efe> <efs>They’re funny and nice to me but sometimes I just feel like I’m an outlier.<efe>
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
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What do you need help with now that X?
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you feel as an outsider in your friend group
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eicng1
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This is the worst day of my fucking life
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1a
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rant
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i wanna kill myself
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smart_boiii
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| 1
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2020-01-01 02:21:50
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sad
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<es>This is the worst day of my fucking life<ee> <efs>i wanna kill myself<efe>
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Can you elaborate more on X ?
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why it was the worst day of your life
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Can you elaborate more on X ?
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how you are feeling
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What do you need help with now that X?
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you are having negative thoughts
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ekr2ot
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Lecture du 6 Janvier - Réflexions Quotidiennes
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0
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chitchat
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Chaque jour, je vous fait une Lecture des Réflexions Quotidiennes. Ce livre est publié par les Alcooliques Anonymes, et est une resource importante pour les membres de cette association qui sauve des VIE. Beaucoup d'alcooliques en rétablissement se servent de cette littérature pour commencer la journée.
AA est une association d'hommes et de femmes qui partagent entre eux leur forces et leurs espoir dans le but commun d'aider l'alcoolique qui souffre encore.
C'est la foi et l'amour de la VIE qui permet la guérissons ou plutôt frêne la progression de la maladie et nous aide de sortir de l'enfer de l'alcoolisme. L'addiction est très puissance et sournoise.
Même si ces écrits sont destiné primordialement pour les alcoolique, leurs familles et amis, beaucoup de gens qui ont l'impression de n'avoir aucun contact avec l'alcoolisme, apprécie énormément la sagesse qui en émane. Notre chaîne na aucune est juste un autre façon de se garder dans le programme tout en courant la chance d'en faire bénéficier un autre. Nous pratiquons des simples Lectures.
Nous espérons que vous allez gagner la liberté que nous connaissons!
\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\* MERCI ! \*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*
Nous vous remercions pour votre support en vous abonnant à notre chaîne YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfNzzo0WB61WFcBPkg\_Tmfg
\#rétablissement #alcoolisme #alcooliques anonymes #amour #VIE #janvier
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RisingChadows
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| 1
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2020-01-06 08:09:48
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alcoholicsanonymous
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Chaque jour, je vous fait une Lecture des Réflexions Quotidiennes. Ce livre est publié par les Alcooliques Anonymes, et est une resource importante pour les membres de cette association qui sauve des VIE. Beaucoup d'alcooliques en rétablissement se servent de cette littérature pour commencer la journée. AA est une association d'hommes et de femmes qui partagent entre eux leur forces et leurs espoir dans le but commun d'aider l'alcoolique qui souffre encore. C'est la foi et l'amour de la VIE qui permet la guérissons ou plutôt frêne la progression de la maladie et nous aide de sortir de l'enfer de l'alcoolisme. L'addiction est très puissance et sournoise. Même si ces écrits sont destiné primordialement pour les alcoolique, leurs familles et amis, beaucoup de gens qui ont l'impression de n'avoir aucun contact avec l'alcoolisme, apprécie énormément la sagesse qui en émane. Notre chaîne na aucune est juste un autre façon de se garder dans le programme tout en courant la chance d'en faire bénéficier un autre. Nous pratiquons des simples Lectures. Nous espérons que vous allez gagner la liberté que nous connaissons! \*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\* MERCI ! \*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\* Nous vous remercions pour votre support en vous abonnant à notre chaîne YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfNzzo0WB61WFcBPkg\_Tmfg \#rétablissement #alcoolisme #alcooliques anonymes #amour #VIE #janvier
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
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random
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| 0
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ezrrak
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Why does abuser dump me after I leave first?
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1b
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help-seeking
| 1
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After he got violent during sex the other night (he's violent in general) I left to go home straight away and distanced myself from him and tried to move on mentally then 2 days later or so he texted me asking what's going on, then after texted again saying we should just be friends, then texted a bunch of question marks then asked me for alcohol ( I don't drink). I didn't respond to this then the next day I spoke to him in person and he told me he doesn't want me and to not speak to him again and I brought up him being violent and he just said to shut up basically. I feel like this happens any time I stand up for myself and any time I don't want to be strangled or hit or kicked. It makes me feel worthless.
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Throwawayox1
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2020-02-06 12:36:25
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domesticviolence
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<es>After he got violent during sex the other night (he's violent in general) I left to go home straight away and distanced myself from him and tried to move on mentally.<ee> <es>then 2 days later or so he texted me asking what's going on, then after texted again saying we should just be friends, then texted a bunch of question marks then asked me for alcohol ( I don't drink).<ee> <es>I didn't respond to this then the next day I spoke to him in person and he told me he doesn't want me and to not speak to him again and I brought up him being violent and he just said to shut up basically.<ee> <efs>I feel like this happens any time I stand up for myself and any time I don't want to be strangled or hit or kicked.<efe> <efs>It makes me feel worthless.<efe>
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What do you need help with now that X?
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he has violent tendencies
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ejg5ch
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So I'm on 5 days clean and my plug texts me this morning...
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1b
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help-seeking
| 2
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It's funny how much your dope man knows about you. I would always pick up on Thursday or Friday because I'd have my kid for the weekend and I wouldn't want to be dope sick obviously (no need to mention how fucked up that logic is if you understand addiction, I get it). He had the nerve to send me a happy New year's message, so innocent seeming right? That might as well have said "hey dumbass white boy! You find any way to scrounge up more money you could waste on me?"
I sent him back a message that I quit for New year's and I have 5 days clean today, and I hope you're doing well! Thing is he's also a dope fiend, and I know he's not doing well if he's texting me haha... He would always be getting sick because he wasn't as methodical in his use as I was.
And I know he knows that well wish I sent was backhanded. Hope it's blasting out both ends for you motherfucker! I'm out of that rodeo, I'll leave it to you bitch! That shit felt good.
Edit: Sorry if this seems cunty, or I come off like a bit of a dick. I haven't slept in 5 days and maybe I am a little cunty and a bit of a dick right now 💯
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bluedreamer831
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2020-01-03 14:32:51
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OpiatesRecovery
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It's funny how much your dope man knows about you. I would always pick up on Thursday or Friday because I'd have my kid for the weekend and I wouldn't want to be dope sick obviously (no need to mention how fucked up that logic is if you understand addiction, I get it). He had the nerve to send me a happy New year's message, so innocent seeming right? That might as well have said "hey dumbass white boy! You find any way to scrounge up more money you could waste on me?" I sent him back a message that I quit for New year's and I have 5 days clean today, and I hope you're doing well! Thing is he's also a dope fiend, and I know he's not doing well if he's texting me haha... He would always be getting sick because he wasn't as methodical in his use as I was. And I know he knows that well wish I sent was backhanded. Hope it's blasting out both ends for you motherfucker! I'm out of that rodeo, I'll leave it to you bitch! That shit felt good. Edit: Sorry if this seems cunty, or I come off like a bit of a dick. I haven't slept in 5 days and maybe I am a little cunty and a bit of a dick right now 💯
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
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random
| true
| 0
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ej72j4
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Is this normal?
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1a
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help-seeking
| 1
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Hi so I have a problem with making friends, I get really lonely easily and when I do I try to make friends but then I dont talk to them at all after our initial conversation and idk why, is that normal and is there any way that I can avoid making people think I'm ghosting them because I feel really bad
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NickLincoln
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| 18
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2020-01-03 00:23:46
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socialanxiety
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<es>Hi so I have a problem with making friends,<ee> <es>I get really lonely easily and when I do I try to make friends but then I dont talk to them at all after our initial conversation and idk why,<ee> <rs>is that normal and is there any way that I can avoid making people think I'm ghosting them.<re> <efs>because I feel really bad.<efe>
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eigtjb
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Guy I've been dating for several months is going to rehab
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0
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help-seeking
| 2
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Hello everyone,
So in October I [28M] met this guy [37M] a bit randomly, and he asked me out on a date. I didn't expected it to get serious cause I've never thought about dating seriously since my last breakup 18 months ago, but we've been clicking really well and quickly ended up spending a lot of time together. He's a really sweet guy that is really interesting, we share long deep meaningful talks, we have similar passions and values, and the sex is really mind-blowing.
At this point I've started to fall for him, and he told me he wants to do things right with me. He's been coming to my place after work and sleeping over nearly every other day in the past month, and we've been spending several full weekends together. I've started to introduce him to my friends and so did he.
I know he's drinking pretty heavily with his friends on the weekend, and he confessed to me that this year he's also been using cocaine on occasions. He told me that because he wants to be honest to me, and he wants to stop this lifestyle. I told him where my boundaries were, and proceeded to trust him with it.
Yesterday, he went to see me and confessed that he had a pretty wild weekend binge drinking with his friends and doing speed and that he realised on Monday that he seriously needed help. That day, he confessed his issues to his family, who got him a place in a good rehab center to get sober. So that's it: tomorrow he's going to rehab for two weeks.
He was crying when he told me that. Personally I felt reassured to know that he was gonna tackle his substance abuse issues before it becomes a major problem for us. So I congratulated him on his decision to get his life around and be a happier and healthier individual, and I told him to not worry about me cause he needs to focus on him and on his recovery.
Then my friends came over and we had a pleasant sober new years eve (I personally don't drink and my friends don't either or respect that).
But this morning I woke up, looked online about rehab and dating and I've read in several places that these two are basically mutually exclusive, and I do (egotistically) worry. Honestly I really like the guy and I'd be bumped if we'd need to not see each other for a year or something so that he can have a healthier recovery. I mean, I would do it and not pressure him of course, but I'd be a bit frustrated at life hehe
On the other hand, I don't suppose alcoholics in recovery are supposed to break up, right? And idk, perhaps we're too far gone for us to consider that we are just dating? A couple of weeks ago, we agreed to be exclusive, so I feel like we're a bit more than dates? I know his family knows about me. Do we have to stop seeing each other at this point? :(
Any thought or experience regarding this?
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snaerr
| 1
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| 3
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2020-01-01 10:03:28
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alcoholicsanonymous
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Hello everyone, <es>So in October I [28M] met this guy [37M] a bit randomly, and he asked me out on a date.<ee> <es>I didn't expected it to get serious cause I've never thought about dating seriously since my last breakup 18 months ago, but we've been clicking really well and quickly ended up spending a lot of time together.<ee> <es>He's a really sweet guy that is really interesting, we share long deep meaningful talks, we have similar passions and values, and the sex is really mind-blowing.<ee> <es>At this point I've started to fall for him, and he told me he wants to do things right with me.<ee> <es>He's been coming to my place after work and sleeping over nearly every other day in the past month, and we've been spending several full weekends together.<ee> <es>I've started to introduce him to my friends and so did he.<ee> <es>I know he's drinking pretty heavily with his friends on the weekend, and he confessed to me that this year he's also been using cocaine on occasions.<ee> <es>He told me that because he wants to be honest to me, and he wants to stop this lifestyle.<ee> <es>I told him where my boundaries were, and proceeded to trust him with it.<ee> <es>Yesterday, he went to see me and confessed that he had a pretty wild weekend binge drinking with his friends and doing speed and that he realised on Monday that he seriously needed help.<ee> <es>That day, he confessed his issues to his family, who got him a place in a good rehab center to get sober.<ee> <es>So that's it: tomorrow he's going to rehab for two weeks.<ee> <es>He was crying when he told me that.<ee> <efs>Personally I felt reassured to know that he was gonna tackle his substance abuse issues before it becomes a major problem for us.<efe> <es>So I congratulated him on his decision to get his life around and be a happier and healthier individual, and I told him to not worry about me cause he needs to focus on him and on his recovery. <ee> <es>Then my friends came over and we had a pleasant sober new years eve (I personally don't drink and my friends don't either or respect that).<ee> <efs>But this morning I woke up, looked online about rehab and dating and I've read in several places that these two are basically mutually exclusive, and I do (egotistically) worry.<efe> <es>Honestly I really like the guy and I'd be bumped if we'd need to not see each other for a year or something so that he can have a healthier recovery.<ee> <efs>I mean, I would do it and not pressure him of course, but I'd be a bit frustrated at life hehe<efe> <rs>On the other hand, I don't suppose alcoholics in recovery are supposed to break up, right?<re> <es>And idk, perhaps we're too far gone for us to consider that we are just dating?<ee> <efs>A couple of weeks ago, we agreed to be exclusive, so I feel like we're a bit more than dates?<efe> <es>I know his family knows about me.<ee> <rs>Do we have to stop seeing each other at this point? :(<re> <rs>Any thought or experience regarding this?<re>
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eic06m
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Just came back from some really dark places and want to get a grasp on my life. I'm really nervous about seeing therapy and don't know where to start.
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0
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help-seeking
| 1
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Christmas Eve/morning I laid awake trying to find a reason to be alive. I couldn't find a single reason and was incredibly scared. In that moment I decided I didn't want to be alive. So I went and had a cup of coffee at a Waffle House so that I wasn't alone. I don't think I would have done anything, but I was so scared I couldn't be alone with myself.
I've talked to some friends about it and calmed down, but I think I finally need to stop putting off seeking help for my depression. I don't want to be in that place again.
What is the process I need to take to get therapy. I want to be better.
|
StealthPanther
| 1
| 0
| 4
|
2020-01-01 01:22:53
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depression
|
Christmas Eve/morning I laid awake trying to find a reason to be alive. I couldn't find a single reason and was incredibly scared. In that moment I decided I didn't want to be alive. So I went and had a cup of coffee at a Waffle House so that I wasn't alone. I don't think I would have done anything, but I was so scared I couldn't be alone with myself. I've talked to some friends about it and calmed down, but I think I finally need to stop putting off seeking help for my depression. I don't want to be in that place again. What is the process I need to take to get therapy. I want to be better.
| 1
| 2
| 2
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Can you elaborate more on X ?
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what dark phases in life you went through
| null | null | null | null | null | true
| 122
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ejeify
|
I’m hoping I don’t scare my crush off
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 1
|
I started talking to this girl about a week ago and it’s so good, but I’m scared because I always get too attached, and I get my hopes up just for someone to leave me, and I hope it doesn’t happen. I’m so scared. It’s making me so happy but that’s the problem; my happiness never lasts. two weeks ago I wanted to kill myself and yet here she is making me feel hopeful for the future and happier than ever. I can feel myself clinging on to her, and dying over every text, and overthinking every time it takes her more than five minutes to respond. I know she likes me back, and I so badly want to date her, but I’m so scared of it being an unhealthy relationship because I currently don’t have any friends, and don’t talk to anyone besides her. I wish I was in a healthier headspace to date, but it’s so hard when I reach out to others and no one wants to be my friend back. I also keep overthinking about how she’s a year younger than me, and people might judge me, even though LOGICALLY I know it isn’t that big of a deal. I guess it’s weird for me because I’ve never liked anyone younger than me before. Also I want to ask her to hangout, but I’m so insecure about how I look and I’m scared she’ll think I’m ugly. I DON’T EVEN KNOW IF I SHOULD CALL IT A DATE OR NOT because ack idk basically this was my late night rant, sorry
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audriesager
| 2
| 0
| 3
|
2020-01-03 12:01:58
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BPD
|
<es>I started talking to this girl about a week ago and it’s so good, but I’m scared because I always get too attached, and I get my hopes up just for someone to leave me, and I hope it doesn’t happen.<ee> <efs>I’m so scared.<efe> <es>It’s making me so happy but that’s the problem; my happiness never lasts.<ee> <es>two weeks ago I wanted to kill myself and yet here she is making me feel hopeful for the future and happier than ever.<ee> <efs>I can feel myself clinging on to her, and dying over every text, and overthinking every time it takes her more than five minutes to respond.<efe> <efs>I know she likes me back, and I so badly want to date her, but I’m so scared of it being an unhealthy relationship because I currently don’t have any friends, and don’t talk to anyone besides her.<efe> <es>I wish I was in a healthier headspace to date, but it’s so hard when I reach out to others and no one wants to be my friend back.<ee> <es>I also keep overthinking about how she’s a year younger than me, and people might judge me, even though LOGICALLY I know it isn’t that big of a deal.<ee> <es>I guess it’s weird for me because I’ve never liked anyone younger than me before.<ee> <efs>Also I want to ask her to hangout, but I’m so insecure about how I look and I’m scared she’ll think I’m ugly.<efe> <es>I DON’T EVEN KNOW IF I SHOULD CALL IT A DATE OR NOT because ack idk basically this was my late night rant, sorry<ee>
| 2
| 2
| 0
| null | null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you feel scared of getting your hopes up
| null | true
| 220
|
eiljvm
|
I'm scared to leave my house and i dont know what to do
|
1a
|
rant
| 1
|
Today, I had plans to walk to my friend's house and hang out. I havent hung out with my friend in months, so i thought i would be so nice. but as i was getting ready to walk outside, my stomach started churning and i got uncomfortable and felt sick. i had to cancel, and i feel horrible about it. right now its hard to just go near the windows. my usual ways of calming myself down arent working as much anymore and im scared.
im sorry if this is messy, im just not in the best state right now
|
insomnibun
| 1
| 0
| 9
|
2020-01-01 18:19:36
|
Anxiety
|
<es>Today, I had plans to walk to my friend's house and hang out.<ee> <es>I havent hung out with my friend in months, so i thought i would be so nice.<ee> <es>but as i was getting ready to walk outside, my stomach started churning and i got uncomfortable and felt sick.<ee> <efs>i had to cancel, and i feel horrible about it.<efe> <es>right now its hard to just go near the windows.<ee> <efs>my usual ways of calming myself down arent working as much anymore and im scared.<efe> im sorry if this is messy, im just not in the best state right now
| 2
| 2
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you are having a panic attack
| null | true
| 220
|
elmz1q
|
HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS BOOK- short collection of poetry but it’s very good.
|
0
|
chitchat
| 1
| null |
n0tcharmed
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
2020-01-08 03:33:42
|
mentalillness
| null | 0
| 0
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true
| 0
|
epu0mm
|
need tips for a mental issue i've been dealing with for a while
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 2
|
hi. i came to this subreddit because im at a loss, and im wondering if anyone shares my experience or has any tips to share with me.
i have been experiencing a feeling of derealization constantly, every second of every day, for a few years now. i can't remember exactly when, but i do remember that it came out of nowhere.
ive suffered from depression and anxiety before, but right now it's not very prevalent in my life and doesn't really have an affect on me. this fact makes it a bit difficult to believe that this is due to another mental illness(?) im able to function like a normal person, i socialize, make new friends, draw and do my schoolwork, but the feeling of derealization never goes away. it's almost as if im on autopilot, or watching someone else's experiences through their eyes.
recently it has gotten worse, and im having episodes (for lack of a better word) where i will violently sob for hours and begin forgetting important parts of my life. an example would be my most recent episode: after a stressful conversation with a close friend, i began sobbing and hitting my hands and legs to my bed like a toddler. soon after, i found myself forgetting that friend's name, forgetting why they were upset, forgetting if I had ever told my parents about extremely important things and not being able to remember details of a conversation that is extremely important to my life. i began to mumble out loud like a crazed lunatic, trying to list off things i remember about myself, but to no avail. i think an hour passed, and i was okay. still extremely disconnected, but okay. (during these episodes im feeling so disconnected from reality I can't even stand to think about it during)
i used to go to counseling, (for anxiety & depression) though recently I was pulled out due to financial issues. it's been so long since i felt like what i was experiencing was real, that i can't stand it anymore. anyone have any insight or suggestions for me?
|
natethrowaway000
| 1
| 0
| 2
|
2020-01-17 02:33:30
|
mentalillness
|
hi. <rs>i came to this subreddit because im at a loss, and im wondering if anyone shares my experience or has any tips to share with me.<re> <efs>i have been experiencing a feeling of derealization constantly, every second of every day, for a few years now.<efe> <es>i can't remember exactly when, but i do remember that it came out of nowhere. <ee> <es>ive suffered from depression and anxiety before, but right now it's not very prevalent in my life and doesn't really have an affect on me.<ee> this fact makes it a bit difficult to believe that this is due to another mental illness(?) <es>im able to function like a normal person, i socialize, make new friends, draw and do my schoolwork, but the feeling of derealization never goes away.<ee> <es>it's almost as if im on autopilot, or watching someone else's experiences through their eyes.<ee> <es>recently it has gotten worse, and im having episodes (for lack of a better word) where i will violently sob for hours and begin forgetting important parts of my life.<ee> <es>an example would be my most recent episode: after a stressful conversation with a close friend, i began sobbing and hitting my hands and legs to my bed like a toddler.<ee> <es>soon after, i found myself forgetting that friend's name, forgetting why they were upset, forgetting if I had ever told my parents about extremely important things and not being able to remember details of a conversation that is extremely important to my life.<ee> <es>i began to mumble out loud like a crazed lunatic, trying to list off things i remember about myself, but to no avail.<ee> i think an hour passed, and i was okay. still extremely disconnected, but okay. (during these episodes im feeling so disconnected from reality I can't even stand to think about it during) <es>i used to go to counseling, (for anxiety & depression) though recently I was pulled out due to financial issues.<ee> <efs>it's been so long since i felt like what i was experiencing was real, that i can't stand it anymore.<efe> <rs>anyone have any insight or suggestions for me?<re>
| 2
| 2
| 2
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null | null | true
| 222
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elka2r
|
Homeless recovering opiate abuser.
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0
|
chitchat
| 1
|
The latest video is up on my channel guys. Thank you so much to everyone who has watched and engaged. Means a lot to me. Search Penny O'Radical, or youtube.com/nothingiseasylap
|
Nothing_is_Easy
| 1
| 0
| 2
|
2020-01-08 00:04:49
|
OpiatesRecovery
|
The latest video is up on my channel guys. Thank you so much to everyone who has watched and engaged. Means a lot to me. Search Penny O'Radical, or youtube.com/nothingiseasylap
| 0
| 0
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true
| 0
|
eitp91
|
Why do I feel like hurting myself
|
1a
|
rant
| 1
|
How come when I cut myself, after the fact I feel like a terrible person and I hate what I did too myself, I hate seeing the cuts on my arm when I wake up in the morning, and I just hate the feeling of knowing that’s what I did to myself. But why after all that, all those angry feelings towards myself, why at the end of the day do I want too cut myself again?
|
MLGJewmy
| 1
| 0
| 7
|
2020-01-02 05:05:19
|
selfharm
|
<efs>How come when I cut myself, after the fact I feel like a terrible person and I hate what I did too myself, I hate seeing the cuts on my arm when I wake up in the morning, and I just hate the feeling of knowing that’s what I did to myself.<efe> <es>But why after all that, all those angry feelings towards myself, why at the end of the day do I want too cut myself again?<ee>
| 1
| 2
| 0
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
why you cut yourself
| null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you feel angry towards your actions
| null | true
| 120
|
eipgcy
|
Chronic Daily Overpacker
|
0
|
help-seeking
| 1
|
I'm that mom friend that has tissues, wet wipes, anything you need or could possibly think of is in my bag. But so is a bunch of random stuff I would probably be just fine if I didn't have. And all of it gets *heavy,* I struggled with some back and neck pain this semester that I think is at least in part to the weight of my backpack. But every time I try to go through it and remove 'nonessentials', I always come up with reasons to keep it in there. Anyone struggle with this, or have tips to deal with overpacking?
|
kaaskopje4ca
| 1
| 0
| 4
|
2020-01-01 23:16:12
|
ADHD
|
<es>I'm that mom friend that has tissues, wet wipes, anything you need or could possibly think of is in my bag.<ee> <es>But so is a bunch of random stuff I would probably be just fine if I didn't have.<ee> <es>And all of it gets *heavy,* I struggled with some back and neck pain this semester that I think is at least in part to the weight of my backpack.<ee> <es>But every time I try to go through it and remove 'nonessentials', I always come up with reasons to keep it in there.<ee> <rs>Anyone struggle with this, or have tips to deal with overpacking?<re>
| 2
| 0
| 2
| null | null |
How did X make you feel?
|
the back and neck pain
| null | null | null | true
| 202
|
eyd6ja
|
My (22F) dad hit my mom again and I don’t know what to do
|
1b
|
help-seeking
| 2
|
On NYE, my mom called my brother (28M) and I in for a family meeting, and told us that my dad and her had gotten into a fight while driving. She had been nagging him about picking at his teeth, and he got so mad that he hit her and said (in our native language) “you never learn, how many times will I have to hit you for you to know your place” etc. My mom turned the car around and came back to tell us, while he was there.
My brother was shocked and confused. But I wasn't surprised because when I was 16 something similar happened. That time they kept arguing, with my dad getting more aggressive, and I was so scared I called a domestic abuse hotline. And in our daily lives, he makes these cutting, belittling remarks at her that are cruel.
That night, we talked to them and separated them. As planned, my mom flew out of the country a few days later to visit family. But now she's coming back early (tomorrow, in fact) and I'm really panicked and I don't know what to do.
My family never talked any of this afterwards, except this text my mom sent to me and my brother (below). It breaks my heart that she thinks this relationship is a normal marriage. She doesn't deserve to be treated this way. As I've grown up, I've tried to help with her burdens around the house, make her feel more appreciative and listened to (main complaints). But I feel like I should have done more and something sooner. Now, she doesn't seem to feel like she's in any physical danger. But I'm still afraid something will happen.
My brother and I are both financially independent and could try to support her if needed. But my mom made it clear to me NYE that she doesn't want to talk about her feelings or be pitied. The only thing she told me is that I should talk to my dad if I wanted too.
I can barely think about this issue without feeling like I'm 16 and breaking down. And honestly, part of me feels resentful that I've been asked/felt compelled to feel like a mediator at such a young age. My home life also was shitty for other reasons.
I'd appreciate any resources, guides, or personal anecdotes about how to proceed now. (Though yes, I am trying to go see a therapist, and yes, I have "Why Does He Do That" which I highly recommend).
(Idk how to attach an image, so this is what her text said:
Just boarded.
Very sorry for what happened on New Year’s Eve.
I lost control. I just wanted to make a point that I did not accept to be treated with mean language and wanted to be respected. I got you two involved just to make this point straight. I guess it is normal to have arguments between husband and wife in a marriage of over 30 years. I just felt sorry to get you two involved.
Everything is fine. We loved his family so much. You two are the best. Don’t worry about us.
Take care! )
TDLR: My dad has been abusive to my mom over the years, and he recently hit her again. I feel like something should change but don't know what to do.
Edit: For additional context, my parents are both immigrants who came over in their 20’s, I was born here.
|
throwaway790869
| 1
| 0
| 4
|
2020-02-03 20:19:10
|
domesticviolence
|
<es>On NYE, my mom called my brother (28M) and I in for a family meeting, and told us that my dad and her had gotten into a fight while driving.<ee> <es>She had been nagging him about picking at his teeth, and he got so mad that he hit her and said (in our native language) “you never learn, how many times will I have to hit you for you to know your place” etc.<ee> <es>My mom turned the car around and came back to tell us, while he was there.<ee> <es>My brother was shocked and confused.<ee <es>But I wasn't surprised because when I was 16 something similar happened.<ee> <es>That time they kept arguing, with my dad getting more aggressive.<ee> <efs>I was so scared I called a domestic abuse hotline.<efe><es> And in our daily lives, he makes these cutting, belittling remarks at her that are cruel.<ee> <es>That night, we talked to them and separated them.<ee> <es>As planned, my mom flew out of the country a few days later to visit family.<ee> <efs>But now she's coming back early (tomorrow, in fact) and I'm really panicked and I don't know what to do. <efe> <es>My family never talked any of this afterwards, except this text my mom sent to me and my brother (below).<ee> <efs>It breaks my heart that she thinks this relationship is a normal marriage.<efe> <es>She doesn't deserve to be treated this way.<ee> <es>As I've grown up, I've tried to help with her burdens around the house, make her feel more appreciative and listened to (main complaints).<ee> <efs>But I feel like I should have done more and something sooner.<efe> <es>Now, she doesn't seem to feel like she's in any physical danger.<ee> <efs>But I'm still afraid something will happen. <efe> <es>My brother and I are both financially independent and could try to support her if needed.<ee> <es>But my mom made it clear to me NYE that she doesn't want to talk about her feelings or be pitied.<ee> <es>The only thing she told me is that I should talk to my dad if I wanted too. <ee> <efs>I can barely think about this issue without feeling like I'm 16 and breaking down.<efe> <efs>And honestly, part of me feels resentful that I've been asked/felt compelled to feel like a mediator at such a young age.<efe> <es>My home life also was shitty for other reasons. <ee> <rs>I'd appreciate any resources, guides, or personal anecdotes about how to proceed now.<re> <es>(Though yes, I am trying to go see a therapist, and yes, I have "Why Does He Do That" which I highly recommend). <ee> (Idk how to attach an image, so this is what her text said: Just boarded. Very sorry for what happened on New Year’s Eve. I lost control. I just wanted to make a point that I did not accept to be treated with mean language and wanted to be respected. I got you two involved just to make this point straight. I guess it is normal to have arguments between husband and wife in a marriage of over 30 years. I just felt sorry to get you two involved. Everything is fine. We loved his family so much. You two are the best. Don’t worry about us. Take care! ) <es>TDLR: My dad has been abusive to my mom over the years, and he recently hit her again.<ee> <rs>I feel like something should change but don't know what to do.<re> <es>Edit: For additional context, my parents are both immigrants who came over in their 20’s, I was born here.<ee>
| 2
| 2
| 2
| null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true
| 222
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ei9nhv
|
Alive in 2020
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0
|
chitchat
| 1
|
So many dreams and goals in life but I've been living on autopilot mode this past year. So in 2020, I just want to feel alive. I hope.
I actually want to say some more things in this post, but the voices in my head won't let me. So I'll leave it at this.
This year might still be the same, it might also be different. Who knows. Might as well just try to go through this.
Happy new year, everyone.
|
supertinyblackhole
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
2019-12-31 22:11:28
|
depression
|
<es>So many dreams and goals in life but I've been living on autopilot mode this past year.<ee> <rs>So in 2020, I just want to feel alive.<re> I hope. <es>I actually want to say some more things in this post, but the voices in my head won't let me.<ee> So I'll leave it at this. This year might still be the same, it might also be different. Who knows. Might as well just try to go through this. Happy new year, everyone.
| 1
| 0
| 1
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
how you have been living in autopilot
|
How did X make you feel?
|
living in autopilot
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
how want to 2020 to be
| null | true
| 101
|
ekof1j
|
Anyone experience Suboxone hallucinations?
|
0
|
survey
| 1
|
Especially upon withdrawl
|
Marcia1985
| 1
| 0
| 3
|
2020-01-06 03:55:35
|
OpiatesRecovery
|
<es>Anyone experience Suboxone hallucinations?<ee> <es>Especially upon withdrawl<ee>
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
why you took suboxone
|
How did X make you feel?
|
the hallucinations
|
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you are having hallucinations on withdrawl
| null | true
| 100
|
eu13nf
|
How to move past a rejection and act as if nothing happened? Give it attention if any at all? My crush and I live in the same place?
|
0
|
help-seeking
| 1
| null |
sabucoush
| 1
| 0
| 1
|
2020-01-26 03:00:13
|
getting_over_it
|
<rs>How to move past a rejection and act as if nothing happened?<re> <rs>Give it attention if any at all?<re> <es>My crush and I live in the same place?<ee> nan
| 1
| 0
| 2
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
why your crush rejected you
|
How did X make you feel?
|
the rejection
| null | null | null | true
| 102
|
ezlwft
|
Family doesent respect my wished to be left alone when Im angry.
|
1b
|
help-seeking
| 1
|
I am a teenager aware I have anger issues, so whenever I get into a heated conversations with my family I leave. I tell them specifically that I am really really angry and that they need to stay away from me. They then proceed to follow me, or wont let me leave, and all hell breaks loose. I want to get better too, my little sister pisses me off on the daily, and never listens to me when I tell her to leave me alone. In fact, she tests me even when I tell her to leave me alone. She follows me and continues to piss me off (even when I tell her to stop COUNTLESS TIMES)to the point where my parents think Im crazy for lashing out at her. I feel bad lashing out at my family, but they dont understand the phrase “Leave me alone Im really angry please.” Any tips???
|
bored338
| 1
| 0
| 2
|
2020-02-06 03:17:24
|
Anger
|
<es>I am a teenager aware I have anger issues, so whenever I get into a heated conversations with my family I leave.<ee> <es>I tell them specifically that I am really really angry and that they need to stay away from me.<ee> <es>They then proceed to follow me, or wont let me leave, and all hell breaks loose.<ee> <es>I want to get better too, my little sister pisses me off on the daily, and never listens to me when I tell her to leave me alone.<ee> <es>In fact, she tests me even when I tell her to leave me alone.<ee> <es>She follows me and continues to piss me off (even when I tell her to stop COUNTLESS TIMES)to the point where my parents think Im crazy for lashing out at her.<ee> <efs>I feel bad lashing out at my family, but they dont understand the phrase “Leave me alone Im really angry please.”<efe> <rs>Any tips???<re>
| 2
| 2
| 2
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null | null | true
| 222
|
ev4uld
|
I suffered from anger issues in the past, but learnt to control it some years ago. I'm still scared of my own anger because I can still strongly feel it. Advice?
|
1b
|
help-seeking
| 3
|
Hey. So, as you can see from the title, I'm someone that suffered with bad anger issues in the past. I overcame this issue some years ago, alone, when my friends all left me, I didn't ask a therapist for help either. It has been a long process, and I still had fuck-ups along the way with the new friends I made, but I apologized and kept going. As of today, 7 years after my decision to change this part of myself, I have a very stable control over my anger. I forced myself to think before acting, so at my worst I just seem a little tense to others or briefly complain with a normal tone.
I had a difficult childhood. I was constantly pushed around, bullied both by classmates and some teachers, basically because I was (according to them) shy and ugly, the usual thing. One day I lost it all, I beat the shit out of a guy that happened to be the last straw, and that's probably when the anger issues started. Some people get out of bullying with depression, but I got out of it with really bad anger issues I never had before as a child. And anxiety, but that's another story, because I was already socially anxious before.
Basically, I told myself: never again. I never wanted anyone to hurt me like that ever again, so whenever one of my friends said/did something that I could take personally, it was immediate. The next second I was furious, there was nothing I could do to calm myself other than snap, say things I would regret later, and, at worse, shout. I was never violent though, except for this day when I beat this previously mentioned guy. I consider this a blessing, I could never forgive myself if I got violent with anyone or anything.
So now, I'm out of this... in appearance. The reality is that the anger is still there. Whenever I get angry, I can still feel the overwhelming intensity of it, crushing my chest and hindering my breath. I'm always on the brink of exploding in the first seconds of my anger and it's terrifying even though I can control it now with rational thoughts. It takes 10-15 minutes just to ease the tenseness into my chest afterwards. I avoid any situation that could trigger this - basically being hurt by anything or anyone I care too much for. I end up apologizing for nothing, and others are confused because, in their PoV, they only saw me get slightly tense. But in my mind, I was furious. I probably just apologize for being scared of the possible consequences I imagined.
It makes me think that I'm not done with anger yet. I shouldn't feel this kind of anger and I shouldn't repress it so much. I always get angry this way when I care too much, I noticed. I probably get angry over the fact that I let myself become vulnerable. Any other situation that is deemed prone to anger for normal people will make me feel weak/mild, very easily controllable anger. What do you people think? Can anyone relate with this and give me some advice?
|
Majestic_Assistant
| 1
| 0
| 7
|
2020-01-28 12:16:59
|
Anger
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Hey. <es>So, as you can see from the title, I'm someone that suffered with bad anger issues in the past.<ee> I overcame this issue some years ago, alone, when my friends all left me, I didn't ask a therapist for help either. It has been a long process, and I still had fuck-ups along the way with the new friends I made, but I apologized and kept going. As of today, 7 years after my decision to change this part of myself, I have a very stable control over my anger. I forced myself to think before acting, so at my worst I just seem a little tense to others or briefly complain with a normal tone. <es>I had a difficult childhood.<ee> <es>I was constantly pushed around, bullied both by classmates and some teachers, basically because I was (according to them) shy and ugly, the usual thing.<ee> <es>One day I lost it all, I beat the shit out of a guy that happened to be the last straw, and that's probably when the anger issues started.<ee> <es>Some people get out of bullying with depression, but I got out of it with really bad anger issues I never had before as a child.<ee> <es>And anxiety, but that's another story, because I was already socially anxious before.<ee> Basically, I told myself: never again. I never wanted anyone to hurt me like that ever again, so whenever one of my friends said/did something that I could take personally, it was immediate. The next second I was furious, there was nothing I could do to calm myself other than snap, say things I would regret later, and, at worse, shout. I was never violent though, except for this day when I beat this previously mentioned guy. I consider this a blessing, I could never forgive myself if I got violent with anyone or anything. So now, I'm out of this... in appearance. <es>The reality is that the anger is still there.<ee> <efs>Whenever I get angry, I can still feel the overwhelming intensity of it, crushing my chest and hindering my breath.<efe> <es>I'm always on the brink of exploding in the first seconds of my anger and it's terrifying even though I can control it now with rational thoughts.<ee> <es>It takes 10-15 minutes just to ease the tenseness into my chest afterwards.<ee> I avoid any situation that could trigger this - basically being hurt by anything or anyone I care too much for. I end up apologizing for nothing, and others are confused because, in their PoV, they only saw me get slightly tense. But in my mind, I was furious. I probably just apologize for being scared of the possible consequences I imagined. It makes me think that I'm not done with anger yet. I shouldn't feel this kind of anger and I shouldn't repress it so much. <es>I always get angry this way when I care too much, I noticed.<ee> <es>I probably get angry over the fact that I let myself become vulnerable.<ee> <es>Any other situation that is deemed prone to anger for normal people will make me feel weak/mild, very easily controllable anger.<ee> <rs>What do you people think?<re> <rs>Can anyone relate with this and give me some advice?<re>
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
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Can you elaborate more on X ?
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the overwhelming intensity of your anger
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f27xzh
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Get anxiety while being alone with my thoughts. How do you focus?
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1a
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help-seeking
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It's been a traumatic year for me
1. Framed in a legal tangle by someone over land. Very traumatizing.
2. I am a student and had to study for exams while undergoing all the stress of the lawsuit and cops.
3. It's been an year now and I can't go back to studying.
4. I was disciplined and hardworking but I just can't be alone with my thoughts. Need a distraction most of the time. Avoid waking up early to avoid anxious thoughts, flashbacks from a failed relationship, mental health issues, the general indifference of the world.
5. Have depression from a long time but I can function well despite it even if some parts of the day can feel bad.
Please tell me how to get back studying and get rid of flashbacks and anxiety so that when I get up early, I can focus on the right thing.
Additional info:
Taking Lexapro. (it is helping)
No therapist available in my area.
Have some friends but they are away/actually busy.
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conation
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| 16
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2020-02-11 12:56:50
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getting_over_it
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<es>It's been a traumatic year for me<ee> <es>1. Framed in a legal tangle by someone over land. Very traumatizing. <ee> <es>2. I am a student and had to study for exams while undergoing all the stress of the lawsuit and cops.<ee> <es>3. It's been an year now and I can't go back to studying. <ee> <es>4. I was disciplined and hardworking but I just can't be alone with my thoughts.<ee> <es>Need a distraction most of the time.<ee> <es>Avoid waking up early to avoid anxious thoughts, flashbacks from a failed relationship, mental health issues, the general indifference of the world.<ee> <es>5. Have depression from a long time but I can function well despite it even if some parts of the day can feel bad.<ee> <rs>Please tell me how to get back studying and get rid of flashbacks and anxiety so that when I get up early, I can focus on the right thing.<re> <es>Additional info: Taking Lexapro. (it is helping)<ee> <es>No therapist available in my area.<ee> <es>Have some friends but they are away/actually busy.<ee>
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How did X make you feel?
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all these incidents
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el4tbw
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Is there any alternative to obgyn appointments?
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1b
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help-seeking
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I would like to preface this by saying that I have been sexually assaulted.
I am 21 and have avoided going to any kind of obgyn appointments. I know they’re important, trust me, I know. But I find them too invasive.
The thought of going in there and having to expose myself to a stranger. With my legs wide apart and someone inserting something inside of me literally gives me a full body cringe that sends shocks and goosebumps through me. I can’t hardly bare the thought of it. I just can’t, it makes me want to vomit.
I think if I even made it far enough as to making the appointment, and showing up for it. I feel like it would end in me crying and screaming at them to stop.
Is there NO other alternative? Can I not pap smear myself?
I hate this and I wish it wasn’t so hard
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ElectricLoner98
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2020-01-07 02:33:13
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ptsd
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<es>I would like to preface this by saying that I have been sexually assaulted. <ee> <es>I am 21 and have avoided going to any kind of obgyn appointments.<ee> <es>I know they’re important, trust me, I know.<ee> <es>But I find them too invasive. <ee> <efs>The thought of going in there and having to expose myself to a stranger. With my legs wide apart and someone inserting something inside of me literally gives me a full body cringe that sends shocks and goosebumps through me.<efe> <efs>I can’t hardly bare the thought of it.<efe> <efs>I just can’t, it makes me want to vomit.<efe> <efs>I think if I even made it far enough as to making the appointment, and showing up for it.<efe> <efs>I feel like it would end in me crying and screaming at them to stop. <efe> <rs>Is there NO other alternative?<re> <rs>Can I not pap smear myself? <re> <efs>I hate this and I wish it wasn’t so hard<efe>
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el6brs
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It’s a sad sad situation
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0
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rant
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I think the saddest thing is when you realize your narc spouse will never ever love you as much as they love themselves. No matter how many times you make excuses for them, it just doesn’t matter. Nothing you ever do will be good enough.
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irockandyousuck
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2020-01-07 04:32:40
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sad
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<es>I think the saddest thing is when you realize your narc spouse will never ever love you as much as they love themselves.<ee> <es>No matter how many times you make excuses for them, it just doesn’t matter.<ee> <es>Nothing you ever do will be good enough.<eE>
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Can you elaborate more on X ?
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on your narcissistic spouse
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How did X make you feel?
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your spouse not loving you more
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What do you need help with now that X?
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you feel your spouse would love themselves more
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ejt22l
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I (24M) lost someone close to me all of a sudden
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1a
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rant
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She texted me last night and told me not to talk to her ever again out of nowhere, everything was going fine. She was very close to me and we were really good friends. She is married though but everything was totally platonic between us. Nothing inappropriate or wrong ever happened between us and I respect her marriage.
I am completely shattered right now and don't know what to do. I deeply care about her.
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eddywest75
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2020-01-04 06:35:43
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sad
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<es>She texted me last night and told me not to talk to her ever again out of nowhere, everything was going fine.<ee> <es>She was very close to me and we were really good friends.<ee> <es>She is married though but everything was totally platonic between us.<ee> <es>Nothing inappropriate or wrong ever happened between us and I respect her marriage.<ee> <efs>I am completely shattered right now and don't know what to do.<efe> <es>I deeply care about her.<ee>
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
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What do you need help with now that X?
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she asked not to talk to her again
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epv1ps
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how to suport a friend with an alcoholic father
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0
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help-seeking
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My friend is a tough one. She is pushing forward life no matter what but 5 months ago her father was hopsitalized. The doctors said he will die if he keeps drinking. And he stopped, for 5 months he didn't drink anything but he didn't visit a rehab or a support program.
Now he started driking again. I've met her father and he is a wonderful person. I seriously do not know what to say to her. How to support her. I love her so much and I feel so much pain knowing she is afraid her father will be dead in the next year or years. I can feel her pain and how desperat she is even if she is not saying it or showing it fully.
I do not know if this the right sub reddit to write this but please , what can i say to her.
I feel so sad, I wish I could just change the situation. I don't want her to think it's her burden to change her father and she can't do it but god I hurt so much thinking she will have to go through her father's death. I have no words when she tells me about it. Seriously I just can't say to her it's okay cause it's not. It's not okay when her father is on the verge of dying
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evamp97
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2020-01-17 03:57:38
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alcoholicsanonymous
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<es>My friend is a tough one.<ee> <es>She is pushing forward life no matter what but 5 months ago her father was hospitalized.<ee> <es>The doctors said he will die if he keeps drinking.<ee> <es>And he stopped, for 5 months he didn't drink anything but he didn't visit a rehab or a support program.<ee> <es> Now he started driking again.<ee> <es>I've met her father and he is a wonderful person.<ee> <es>I seriously do not know what to say to her.<ee> <es>How to support her.<ee> <efs>I love her so much and I feel so much pain knowing she is afraid her father will be dead in the next year or years.<efe> <efs>I can feel her pain and how desperat she is even if she is not saying it or showing it fully.<efe> <rs> I do not know if this the right sub reddit to write this but please , what can i say to her. <re> <efs>I feel so sad, I wish I could just change the situation.<efe> <rs>I don't want her to think it's her burden to change her father and she can't do it but god I hurt so much thinking she will have to go through her father's death.<re> <es>I have no words when she tells me about it.<ee> <es>Seriously I just can't say to her it's okay cause it's not.<ee> <es>It's not okay when her father is on the verge of dying<ee>
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enbc2p
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First Meeting- help
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1a
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help-seeking
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Hey y’all! Just got back from my first meeting. Not really sure how to take it. It was great! The people (about 50 of them) were super friendly, helpful, easy to talk to, and eager to welcome me. I learned a lot, and heard some wonderful stories from the seasoned members. However.
I’m 28. Mostly everyone was around 50-70 years old. Most of them have been sober for years. They talked about the 12 steps like they knew them quite well. I am one week sober, and I’m wondering if this is the right place for me. Still struggling with addiction, not in recovery like most of these folks.
This was an open meeting. What does a closed meeting look like? I feel like that might be the right place for me right now. Just starting out, no idea what I’m doing. Any pointers?
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cheer1ka
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2020-01-11 18:45:55
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alcoholicsanonymous
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Hey y’all! <es>Just got back from my first meeting.<ee> <es>Not really sure how to take it.<ee> <es>It was great!<ee> <es>The people (about 50 of them) were super friendly, helpful, easy to talk to, and eager to welcome me.<ee> <es>I learned a lot, and heard some wonderful stories from the seasoned members.<ee> However. <es>I’m 28.<ee> <es>Mostly everyone was around 50-70 years old.<ee> <es>Most of them have been sober for years.<ee> <es>They talked about the 12 steps like they knew them quite well.<ee> <es>I am one week sober, and I’m wondering if this is the right place for me.<ee> <es>Still struggling with addiction, not in recovery like most of these folks. <ee> <es>This was an open meeting.<ee> <rs>What does a closed meeting look like?<re> <efs>I feel like that might be the right place for me right now.<efe> <es>Just starting out, no idea what I’m doing.<ee> <rs>Any pointers?<re>
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Can you elaborate more on X ?
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how did the first meeting make you feel
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eiv5jp
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What is your adderall routine?
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0
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help-seeking
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I started adderall about a year ago and it has been a life saver. With this medication, I’m able to keep my job, excel at it and attend school full time. My problem is that I can’t sleep well. Have developed dark circles under my eyes from sleeping poorly. I started having a couple glasses of wine to “bring me down” after work and sometimes I take zzzquil or Xanax to knock me out when I have a big meeting or test the next day and need a good nights sleep. However it’s never really a good nights sleep.
Here is my routine:
I go to work, eat breakfast then take 15mg instant release at 10:30-11:30 (depending whether I have lunch with a coworker), Monday-Friday. Usually around 2 or 3pm, I take another 7.5mg (my doc prescribed me 30mg tablets but it’s too much for me to take that at one time so I cut them up into halves and quarters). I don’t take it on the weekends or when I’m off work (holidays, vacations, etc) because there’s no need for me to use my brain and focus really on those days.
The not being able to sleep is really bothersome to me and I’m tired of needing other substances to aid my sleeping. Any suggestions or help is appreciated.
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cowcatmama
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2020-01-02 07:29:09
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ADHD
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<es>I started adderall about a year ago and it has been a life saver.<ee> <es>With this medication, I’m able to keep my job, excel at it and attend school full time.<ee> <es>My problem is that I can’t sleep well.<ee> <es>Have developed dark circles under my eyes from sleeping poorly.<ee> <es>I started having a couple glasses of wine to “bring me down” after work and sometimes I take zzzquil or Xanax to knock me out when I have a big meeting or test the next day and need a good nights sleep.<ee> <es>However it’s never really a good nights sleep. <ee> <es>Here is my routine: I go to work, eat breakfast then take 15mg instant release at 10:30-11:30 (depending whether I have lunch with a coworker), Monday-Friday. Usually around 2 or 3pm, I take another 7.5mg (my doc prescribed me 30mg tablets but it’s too much for me to take that at one time so I cut them up into halves and quarters).<ee> <es>I don’t take it on the weekends or when I’m off work (holidays, vacations, etc) because there’s no need for me to use my brain and focus really on those days. <ee> <efs>The not being able to sleep is really bothersome to me and I’m tired of needing other substances to aid my sleeping.<efe> <rs>Any suggestions or help is appreciated.<re>
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ejiwmz
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The Pretender
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1a
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rant
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We’re only as sick as our secrets, right?
Whenever I start to type my thoughts flee from me. I know I need to get some of this shit out of my head, but I stare at the keyboard long enough and suddenly I realize I need to get back to work or vacuum or something.
I’m a strange case. I had 10 years clean off heroin when I went through a devastating break up with my sons mom and my “buddy” gave me some Suboxone and said “try it, see if it works.” I had no idea what I was doing, but taking a tiny piece got me high as hell.. so naturally I kept taking it.
Time passed.. like it does. I was singing in a local band and working full time, doing the single dad thing... all while becoming more and more fond of this little secret dope habit. More time went by and I met my future wife, fell in love, and more time went by.
I lied to everyone, I lied to my sober friends, I stopped going to meetings long before so that was easy, but I cut ties with some of my best friends in the world under the guise of “oh he’s in a relationship now..” and more time went by. I asked her to marry me, we started planning, and I kept pretending.
Eventually my “buddy” got drunk and decided I was his enemy. He spilled the beans and I was given an ultimatum. “Stop or I go” so I stopped. Suboxone withdrawal sucked, I hated every minute, and I was miserable for months.
Right before the wedding, my buddy came back around and apologized. We let bygones be whatever and wouldn’t you know it, the next thing I know I’m back on bupe. Back to pretending.
I am a great pretender. I spent 6-7 years snorting Subutex a few times a day and keeping it a secret. I would go once or twice a month and fill my guy’s script, then drop half of it off and go home to ration for the month. Time just went by. My kids got older, we bought a house, my wife had a great job at the time, and I just kept on pretending.
Pretending I wasn’t addicted. Pretending I was stable. Pretending I was free.
Then last year I found myself in the bathroom again, trying to clear my sinuses so I could snort more shit, and I had a moment of clarity. I’d been on pills for almost a decade, and it was only a matter of time before my wife found out and I would be caught between the hammer and the anvil.
Then some higher power intervened. My friend relapsed on heroin and started to need my “clean” pee. We kept this up for a little while, but junkies don’t stay clean cut for long with his habit. Soon the doc found out and kicked him off the program.
It was time.
I saved up 50+ 8mg Subutex and I told him good luck. I cut my dose in half every few weeks and time went by. I jumped at 1mg on thanksgiving, and I have just over a month clean (again) today.
I just keep pretending. Now I pretend like it never happened? I just keep getting up and making coffee and going to work and pretending like I’m not hurting. Pretending like I’m not craving. Pretending like nothing ever happened.
They say don’t tell people you’ve wronged them if the only thing it will do is make you feel better and harm them... so I put my AirPods in and I listen to music and the days go by. I wish I could tell me wife the truth, I’m sure on some level she knows, she’s smarter than I am but she’s not an addict.
Maybe one day... but today, I AM FREE.
Thanks for bearing with my long ass post, so much identifiable personal information isn’t like me to divulge... I just had to tell someone else.
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Al_Con_Queso
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2020-01-03 17:50:30
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OpiatesRecovery
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We’re only as sick as our secrets, right? <es>Whenever I start to type my thoughts flee from me.<ee> <es>I know I need to get some of this shit out of my head, but I stare at the keyboard long enough and suddenly I realize I need to get back to work or vacuum or something. <ee> <es>I’m a strange case.<ee> <es>I had 10 years clean off heroin when I went through a devastating break up with my sons mom and my “buddy” gave me some Suboxone and said “try it, see if it works.”<ee> <es>I had no idea what I was doing, but taking a tiny piece got me high as hell.. so naturally I kept taking it. <ee> <es>Time passed.. like it does.<ee> <es>I was singing in a local band and working full time, doing the single dad thing... all while becoming more and more fond of this little secret dope habit.<ee> <es>More time went by and I met my future wife, fell in love, and more time went by. <ee> <es>I lied to everyone, I lied to my sober friends, I stopped going to meetings long before so that was easy, but I cut ties with some of my best friends in the world under the guise of “oh he’s in a relationship now..” and more time went by.<ee> <es>I asked her to marry me, we started planning, and I kept pretending.<ee> <es>Eventually my “buddy” got drunk and decided I was his enemy.<ee> <es>He spilled the beans and I was given an ultimatum. “Stop or I go” so I stopped.<ee> <efs>Suboxone withdrawal sucked, I hated every minute, and I was miserable for months. <efe> <es>Right before the wedding, my buddy came back around and apologized.<ee> <es>We let bygones be whatever and wouldn’t you know it, the next thing I know I’m back on bupe.<ee> <es>Back to pretending.<ee> I am a great pretender. <es>I spent 6-7 years snorting Subutex a few times a day and keeping it a secret.<ee> <es>I would go once or twice a month and fill my guy’s script, then drop half of it off and go home to ration for the month.<ee> <es>Time just went by.<ee> <es>My kids got older, we bought a house, my wife had a great job at the time, and I just kept on pretending. <ee> <es>Pretending I wasn’t addicted.<ee> <es>Pretending I was stable.<ee> <es>Pretending I was free. <ee> <es>Then last year I found myself in the bathroom again, trying to clear my sinuses so I could snort more shit, and I had a moment of clarity.<ee> <es>I’d been on pills for almost a decade, and it was only a matter of time before my wife found out and I would be caught between the hammer and the anvil. <ee> <es>Then some higher power intervened.<ee> <es>My friend relapsed on heroin and started to need my “clean” pee.<ee> <es>We kept this up for a little while, but junkies don’t stay clean cut for long with his habit.<ee> <es>Soon the doc found out and kicked him off the program. <ee> It was time. <es>I saved up 50+ 8mg Subutex and I told him good luck.<ee> <Es>I cut my dose in half every few weeks and time went by.<ee> <es>I jumped at 1mg on thanksgiving, and I have just over a month clean (again) today. <ee> <es>I just keep pretending.<ee> <es>Now I pretend like it never happened?<ee> <efs>I just keep getting up and making coffee and going to work and pretending like I’m not hurting.<efe> <efs>Pretending like I’m not craving.<efe> Pretending like nothing ever happened. <es>They say don’t tell people you’ve wronged them if the only thing it will do is make you feel better and harm them... so I put my AirPods in and I listen to music and the days go by.<ee> <rs>I wish I could tell me wife the truth, I’m sure on some level she knows, she’s smarter than I am but she’s not an addict. <re> Maybe one day... but today, I AM FREE. Thanks for bearing with my long ass post, so much identifiable personal information isn’t like me to divulge... I just had to tell someone else.
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How did X make you feel?
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pretending to being sober
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What do you need help with now that X?
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you are hurting and having cravings
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eizw1u
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Accidentally mixed meds with coffee help
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0
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help-seeking
| 1
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Amphetamine and coffee. Its only been about 15 minutes but my heart is already feeling like its beating so hard, my jaw is clenched, mouth feels weird. I'm on my way to work, I work at a desk job. What do I do? I feel like I'm going to experience the physical aspects of a panic attack but my mind is ok just a bit like static. I'm scared I'm going to mentally crash and struggle to stay awake at my desk once I do.
This is so fucked.
Ugh. Ugh. UGH.
If I chug water will it help? Is there some magic food i can get? A style if music? A stretch? Help. Help. Help.
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nutruit_destruit
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| 10
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2020-01-02 15:51:55
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ADHD
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Amphetamine and coffee. Its only been about 15 minutes but my heart is already feeling like its beating so hard, my jaw is clenched, mouth feels weird. I'm on my way to work, I work at a desk job. What do I do? I feel like I'm going to experience the physical aspects of a panic attack but my mind is ok just a bit like static. I'm scared I'm going to mentally crash and struggle to stay awake at my desk once I do. This is so fucked. Ugh. Ugh. UGH. If I chug water will it help? Is there some magic food i can get? A style if music? A stretch? Help. Help. Help.
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
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ekls1e
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Books on Emotional Sobriety?
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0
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help-seeking
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Hi everyone! A friend (F) just asked me if I knew any good books on emotional sobriety. I know of Bill W.'s letter and thought that Drop the Rock, while focused on 6 & 7, is a good start. Can anyone else recommend any reading (AA or otherwise) that addresses this?
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dancm
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2020-01-06 00:29:08
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alcoholicsanonymous
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Hi everyone! <es>A friend (F) just asked me if I knew any good books on emotional sobriety.<ee> <es> I know of Bill W.'s letter and thought that Drop the Rock, while focused on 6 & 7, is a good start.<ee> <rs> Can anyone else recommend any reading (AA or otherwise) that addresses this?<re>
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How did X make you feel?
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your friend asking for sobriety books
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em66i7
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My abuser put me in a psych emergency hospital
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1b
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rant
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My ex was my abuser. She was manipulative and physically abusive and verbally controlling. When I broke up with her, she felt I had gone “crazy” (I use that term lightly because mental illnesses are not something to call crazy). After a fight she had caused between us, she manipulated my friend to signing an involuntary psych hold on me, in which I woke up to the police banging on my door to take me into the hospital.
I can still feel the paper scrubs they made me strip down and change into. I was no longer a human being. I was their “PATIENT X”. No one knew where I was, not my parents, not my friends, no one. I was alone in a room with nothing the hide behind (aka suicide precautions). For 24 hours I stayed in that same room and those same paper clothes.
I realized, I started zoning out (what some may call flashing back) to the times I was in the hospital. I can see my plates of food exactly as they were presented to me, the doctors faces, the pain one doctor inflicted upon touching my self harm injuries aggressively, despite knowing they were fresh. I hate this and I want to control it. I haven’t gone a single night in 2 months, 13 days without a nightmare of this experience and now it is starting to happen when I am awake.
I honestly just needed to rant this out... ive never told anyone about this.
Thank you.
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royalot4
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| 3
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2020-01-09 07:06:30
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ptsd
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<es>My ex was my abuser.<ee> <es>She was manipulative and physically abusive and verbally controlling.<ee> <es>When I broke up with her, she felt I had gone “crazy” (I use that term lightly because mental illnesses are not something to call crazy).<ee> <es>After a fight she had caused between us, she manipulated my friend to signing an involuntary psych hold on me, in which I woke up to the police banging on my door to take me into the hospital. <ee> <efs>I can still feel the paper scrubs they made me strip down and change into.<efe> <es>I was no longer a human being.<ee> <es>I was their “PATIENT X”.<ee> <es>No one knew where I was, not my parents, not my friends, no one.<ee> <es>I was alone in a room with nothing the hide behind (aka suicide precautions).<ee> <es>For 24 hours I stayed in that same room and those same paper clothes.<ee> <es>I realized, I started zoning out (what some may call flashing back) to the times I was in the hospital.<ee> <es>I can see my plates of food exactly as they were presented to me, the doctors faces, the pain one doctor inflicted upon touching my self harm injuries aggressively, despite knowing they were fresh.<ee> <efs>I hate this and I want to control it.<efe> <es>I haven’t gone a single night in 2 months, 13 days without a nightmare of this experience and now it is starting to happen when I am awake. <ee> <rs>I honestly just needed to rant this out... ive never told anyone about this. <re> Thank you.
| 2
| 2
| 1
| null | null | null | null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
what can help you relive yourself from the nightmares
| null | true
| 221
|
ei9f1q
|
Going to a New Years party on my own
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 1
|
So. I want to go out for New Years and when I did in the past I’d never go alone and I’m anxious the whole time. But this year I only have a few friends due to my own social anxiety and they’re busy so I’m going to go to New Years party on my own. I’m terrified, my palms are sweating and I want to cry and just stay home but I have to do this now I’ve thought of it. Any tips? What do I do if no one talks to me? How do I talk to people? I just want to be one of those people who are happy doing stuff like this. Wish me luck! I’m tired of missing out. I’m abit drunk so sorry for this ramble
|
crows-before-hoess
| 1
| 0
| 5
|
2019-12-31 21:52:26
|
Anxiety
|
So. <es>I want to go out for New Years and when I did in the past I’d never go alone and I’m anxious the whole time.<ee> <es>But this year I only have a few friends due to my own social anxiety and they’re busy so I’m going to go to New Years party on my own.<ee> <efs>I’m terrified, my palms are sweating and I want to cry and just stay home but I have to do this now I’ve thought of it.<efe> <rs>Any tips?<re> <rs>What do I do if no one talks to me?<re> <rs>How do I talk to people?<re> <rs>I just want to be one of those people who are happy doing stuff like this.<re> Wish me luck! <efs>I’m tired of missing out.<efe> I’m abit drunk so sorry for this ramble
| 2
| 2
| 2
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null | null | true
| 222
|
evj21w
|
The Development of Skill Development: How to Get Good at Getting Good at Things
|
0
|
chitchat
| 3
| null |
Aye_Yo_Adrian
| 1
| 0
| 1
|
2020-01-29 06:25:13
|
selfhelp
| null | 0
| 0
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null | null | true
| 0
|
ej6z5h
|
At War with My Broken brain and non-stop Obsession with my SO/FP.
|
1a
|
rant
| 3
|
My obsession with my FP is hard to regulate. I feel like most of everything I do revolves around him and trying to make him happy. When asked what I like to do as a hobby I often find that "cleaning and doing stuff for others" is at the top of my list. I have had moments in our relationship were I've realized that I put him on a very high pedistool and take it down a notch to even things out... it last a week at most. Hes like a drug I cant get enough of and never want to lose. Just a couple nice words, a sweet text and an extended hug can make my day heaven. The opposite is true as well, if he has a bad day, is upset and distant it ruins my day, if not momentarily my life. I have changed my hair multiple time, changed what I ate, stopped smoking and lost 80 lbs to try to be a better girlfriend. I say it was for me but really it was to make him happy and maybe want me more and ultimately stay. I'm so over bearing he has all but stopped using Social media because I had a bad habit of stocking him online. I was always so scared of who he was talking to- where they better then me, was he having a better time talking to them then to me, did they make him happier then I did? I eventually erased my social media accounts because I recognized my problem with needing validation and could not stop the impulse to stock him, even if it discussed me and I knew it would push him away. He has a hard time leaving to go anywhere now because of me as well. If he's gone to long I will make up scenarios in my head, like he must have a side relationship and go see her, or if he goes somewhere without telling me then he must be cheating on me. I have convinced myself he was sleeping with hookers, having affairs online and meeting people on adult sites to meet up with while I was at work. I unconsciously have pushed for him to not have a job out of town because my fears of him finding someone better and leaving me. It makes me crazy when hes gone all day or unaccounted for. He has said multiple times he feels like he doesn't have his own identity anymore, and is scared to go anywhere or talk to anyone because of what I will think or what it will mean to me. Having BPD is like having a paranoid movie on 24/7 in your head running the worst possible outcome play by play... my logical side knows my brains lying to me but my BPD buys it hook line and sinker every time, running it on replay until I say it out loud to really solidify my insanity. I cant come home and have the pillows on the bed out of order. If one of my pillows is on his side or out of order then i'm convinced someone has come over and thrashed my bed with him and didn't know where the pillows went after. I know its Crazy, even now writing it all out makes me feel like a nut case. Most days I cant imagine why he stays and feel guilty that my issues will always plague him, like its not enough that I have to deal with me forever now I should expect him to want to too? sense being diagnosed it has helped us both understand me and my issues, but sometimes I feel like it just gives me an excuse and something else to blame for my broken brain. Having BPD sometimes seems like a life long diagnoses of a terminal illness... To always hate yourself, always be uncomfortable and feel sad/lonely when surrounded by people, the distrust for people who you obviously have no reason to doubt let alone not trust. Then to have to explain that your brain betrays you and tells you so many lies... its exhausting to say the least.
|
prettykitty36
| 3
| 0
| 8
|
2020-01-03 00:16:37
|
BPD
|
<es>My obsession with my FP is hard to regulate.<ee> <es>I feel like most of everything I do revolves around him and trying to make him happy.<ee> <es>When asked what I like to do as a hobby I often find that "cleaning and doing stuff for others" is at the top of my list.<ee> <es>I have had moments in our relationship were I've realized that I put him on a very high pedistool and take it down a notch to even things out... it last a week at most.<ee> <es>Hes like a drug I cant get enough of and never want to lose.<ee> <es>Just a couple nice words, a sweet text and an extended hug can make my day heaven.<ee> <es>The opposite is true as well, if he has a bad day, is upset and distant it ruins my day, if not momentarily my life.<ee> <es>I have changed my hair multiple time, changed what I ate, stopped smoking and lost 80 lbs to try to be a better girlfriend.<ee> <es>I say it was for me but really it was to make him happy and maybe want me more and ultimately stay.<ee> <es> I'm so over bearing he has all but stopped using Social media because I had a bad habit of stocking him online.<ee> <es>I was always so scared of who he was talking to- where they better then me, was he having a better time talking to them then to me, did they make him happier then I did? <ee> <es>I eventually erased my social media accounts because I recognized my problem with needing validation and could not stop the impulse to stock him, even if it discussed me and I knew it would push him away.<ee> <es>He has a hard time leaving to go anywhere now because of me as well.<ee> <es>If he's gone to long I will make up scenarios in my head, like he must have a side relationship and go see her, or if he goes somewhere without telling me then he must be cheating on me.<ee> <es>I have convinced myself he was sleeping with hookers, having affairs online and meeting people on adult sites to meet up with while I was at work.<ee> <es>I unconsciously have pushed for him to not have a job out of town because my fears of him finding someone better and leaving me.<ee> <es>It makes me crazy when hes gone all day or unaccounted for. <ee><es>He has said multiple times he feels like he doesn't have his own identity anymore, and is scared to go anywhere or talk to anyone because of what I will think or what it will mean to me.<ee> <es>Having BPD is like having a paranoid movie on 24/7 in your head running the worst possible outcome play by play... my logical side knows my brains lying to me but my BPD buys it hook line and sinker every time, running it on replay until I say it out loud to really solidify my insanity.<ee> <es>I cant come home and have the pillows on the bed out of order.<ee> <es> If one of my pillows is on his side or out of order then i'm convinced someone has come over and thrashed my bed with him and didn't know where the pillows went after.<ee> <efs>I know its Crazy, even now writing it all out makes me feel like a nut case.<efe> <efs>Most days I cant imagine why he stays and feel guilty that my issues will always plague him, like its not enough that I have to deal with me forever now I should expect him to want to too?<efe> <es>sense being diagnosed it has helped us both understand me and my issues, but sometimes I feel like it just gives me an excuse and something else to blame for my broken brain.<ee> <efs> Having BPD sometimes seems like a life long diagnoses of a terminal illness... To always hate yourself, always be uncomfortable and feel sad/lonely when surrounded by people, the distrust for people who you obviously have no reason to doubt let alone not trust.<efe> <efs>Then to have to explain that your brain betrays you and tells you so many lies... its exhausting to say the least.<efe>
| 2
| 2
| 0
| null | null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you have an unhealthy obsession with your fp
| null | true
| 220
|
ej870q
|
My phone is a crutch for my anxiety in social situations, so here I am lol
|
1b
|
rant
| 1
|
I'm typing this out and posting this to make it look like I'm actually doing something instead of just aimlessly scrolling. This is awful, someone come kidnap me. Like idc if it's staged or if it's real and you're gonna torture me in your basement, just take me 😅
|
bulldog521521
| 29
| 0
| 27
|
2020-01-03 01:49:23
|
socialanxiety
|
<es>My phone is a crutch for my anxiety in social situations, so here I am lol<ee> <es>I'm typing this out and posting this to make it look like I'm actually doing something instead of just aimlessly scrolling.<ee> This is awful, someone come kidnap me. Like idc if it's staged or if it's real and you're gonna torture me in your basement, just take me 😅
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
what made you anxious
|
How did X make you feel?
|
the anxiety
|
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you use phone to overcome anxiety
| null | true
| 100
|
eibltc
|
Cancelled my plans for NYE, what should I do while I’m home alone?
|
0
|
help-seeking
| 1
|
Do I suck for staying in alone on NYE, rather than going out? I was thinking of just painting & smoking weed.
|
garbage_content
| 1
| 0
| 8
|
2020-01-01 00:47:56
|
depression
|
Do I suck for staying in alone on NYE, rather than going out? I was thinking of just painting & smoking weed.
| 0
| 0
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
thought
| true
| 0
|
eigxt6
|
Is it weird/concerning that I (20f) sleep with stuffies and find it comforting
|
0
|
help-seeking
| 1
|
I’m worried how receptive future partners are to this weird quirk. Maybe not the right sub to post this in but I don’t know where to. Does anyone else do this? It helps my anxiety so I figure in the short term it’s okay. But given my age when does it become frowned upon and creepy/weird? It’s not like a whole bed full of them but I have 2-3. One I sleep with between my legs to like one of those pool buoys and another i cuddle in my arms.
|
Umber9
| 1
| 0
| 12
|
2020-01-01 10:19:17
|
Anxiety
|
<es>Is it weird/concerning that I (20f) sleep with stuffies and find it comforting<ee> <efs>I’m worried how receptive future partners are to this weird quirk.<efe> Maybe not the right sub to post this in but I don’t know where to. <rs>Does anyone else do this?<re> It helps my anxiety so I figure in the short term it’s okay. <rs>But given my age when does it become frowned upon and creepy/weird?<re> <es>It’s not like a whole bed full of them but I have 2-3.<ee> <es>One I sleep with between my legs to like one of those pool buoys and another i cuddle in my arms.<ee>
| 1
| 1
| 2
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
why you sleep with the stuffies
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
how you feel sleeping with the stuffies
| null | null |
title
| true
| 112
|
eiwfc9
|
I don’t know how to tell her
|
1b
|
help-seeking
| 1
|
There’s this girl that used to be my best friend but every time I try to talk to her she gives short responses and when I make plans she always cancels last second and now I found out she’s meddling with my relationship I just need some ideas about how to tell her that I’m fed up and that I want my best friend back without sounding like a total jerk
|
TheEer3014
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
2020-01-02 10:04:34
|
sad
|
<es>There’s this girl that used to be my best friend but every time I try to talk to her she gives short responses and when I make plans she always cancels last second and now I found out she’s meddling with my relationship.<ee> <rs>I just need some ideas about how to tell her that I’m fed up and that I want my best friend back without sounding like a total jerk.<re>
| 2
| 0
| 2
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null |
How did X make you feel?
|
her meddling in your realtionship
| null | null | null | true
| 202
|
en6174
|
Having a very difficult time "Getting Over" something
|
1a
|
rant
| 1
|
Hey guys. It's 3:45 AM, I should be sleeping, but I've been hung on up something for a long time, and it's been killing me. I sold a few prized possessions of mine about 7 years ago, pretty much irreplaceable, and I have regretted it ever since. I think about it almost every single day. It makes me very sad. I was young and dumb, and should never have sold them. I'll never see them again. I often dream about them. All that being said, these items actually have no real significance to them, it's not life or death, it's not even important in the least, I just wish I had them back. I wish I could go back in time and not sell them. Feels horrible. I can't get over this.
I am much better than I was last year with my anxiety issues and obsessive thinking, I've improved a lot, but this particular issue has not improved. It's like a mental block I can't ever accept or get past :(
|
Free_Asparagus
| 1
| 0
| 6
|
2020-01-11 10:47:39
|
getting_over_it
|
<es>Hey guys. It's 3:45 AM, I should be sleeping, but I've been hung on up something for a long time, and it's been killing me.<ee> <es>I sold a few prized possessions of mine about 7 years ago, pretty much irreplaceable, and I have regretted it ever since.<ee> <es>I think about it almost every single day.<ee> <efs>It makes me very sad.<efe> <es>I was young and dumb, and should never have sold them.<ee> <es>I'll never see them again.<ee> <es>I often dream about them.<ee> <rs>All that being said, these items actually have no real significance to them, it's not life or death, it's not even important in the least, I just wish I had them back.<re> <rs>I wish I could go back in time and not sell them.<re> <efs>Feels horrible.<efe> <es>I can't get over this.<ee> <es>I am much better than I was last year with my anxiety issues and obsessive thinking, I've improved a lot, but this particular issue has not improved.<ee> <es>It's like a mental block I can't ever accept or get past<ee> :(
| 2
| 2
| 1
| null | null | null | null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
what would help you get over this mental block
| null | true
| 221
|
eiu3r9
|
This was me yesterday
|
0
|
chitchat
| 4
| null |
KikilooRose
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
2020-01-02 05:42:08
|
socialanxiety
| null | 0
| 0
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true
| 0
|
eif2ig
|
Freaking Out Over NYE Travel
|
1a
|
survey
| 1
|
Hi all —
I’ve been on vacation for the past week, and my family and I will be driving home early in the morning (4 AM). I am panicking and making myself nauseous as I am terrified of getting killed by a drunk driver tonight. We cannot leave at any other time, and there is no way around it due to strict schedules.
The car ride will be 17 hours long.
I can’t stop shaking.
Anyone else feel this way when traveling during major holidays?
|
yogurtcrotch
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
2020-01-01 06:21:56
|
Anxiety
|
Hi all — I’ve been on vacation for the past week, and my family and I will be driving home early in the morning (4 AM). I am panicking and making myself nauseous as I am terrified of getting killed by a drunk driver tonight. We cannot leave at any other time, and there is no way around it due to strict schedules. The car ride will be 17 hours long. I can’t stop shaking. Anyone else feel this way when traveling during major holidays?
| 2
| 2
| 1
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
what would help you not panick during night drives
| null | true
| 221
|
ei9wh7
|
The new year just started and I am feeling very down
|
0
|
rant
| 1
|
It's 2020 but i still hold the burden of previous years it still impact me and I can't get out from this situation.
|
ItsMou
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
2019-12-31 22:31:42
|
depression
|
<efs>The new year just started and I am feeling very down<efe> <es>It's 2020 but i still hold the burden of previous years it still impact me and I can't get out from this situation.<ee>
| 1
| 1
| 0
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
the burden of previous years
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
how the burden of previous years made you feel
|
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you are feeling down on a new year
|
title
| true
| 110
|
ej7nq1
|
So conflicted
|
1a
|
rant
| 1
|
I really want to wear shorts but my parents don’t know I cut. If I stop now maybe they’ll fade? But I can’t stop. :(((
|
molly123456789101112
| 4
| 0
| 5
|
2020-01-03 01:08:09
|
selfharm
|
<es>I really want to wear shorts but my parents don’t know I cut.<ee> <rs>If I stop now maybe they’ll fade?<re> <es>But I can’t stop. :(((<ee>
| 1
| 0
| 2
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
why are you unable to stop cutting
|
How did X make you feel?
|
cutting yourself
| null | null | null | true
| 102
|
eid8vd
|
Here to help
|
1b
|
rant
| 1
|
Yo nigga stop being a bitch get out there fuck some bitches, stop beat yo meat get out there start whooping some ass nigga. Y'all act like this shit hard just fucking eat ass smoke grass and sled fast my niggaz
|
xXwoman_slayerXx
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
2020-01-01 03:19:43
|
socialanxiety
|
Yo nigga stop being a bitch get out there fuck some bitches, stop beat yo meat get out there start whooping some ass nigga. Y'all act like this shit hard just fucking eat ass smoke grass and sled fast my niggaz
| 0
| 0
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true
| 0
|
ej0wb5
|
medication
|
1b
|
rant
| 1
|
i want to cry because every time i go to refill my medication (vyvanse) i literally have to fight the pharmacist. i’m sick of being treated like a criminal when i’m just trying to function. i don’t know what to do at this point because i really feel like dropping out of college, not trying to get my meds, and giving up. i’m broke and have tri care and my vyvanse prescription needs to be verified in this obnoxious way that i can’t do because my PCM is across the country. Express scripts is not helpful bc i need to jump through the same hoops. i’m out of my adhd meds so it’s even harder to get all these steps done. i’m so burnt out. considering becoming a sugar baby so i can afford the medication without having to go through the military. wonder if i’ll have enough left over to pay for therapy. i’m at a loss
|
changemymindidareu
| 1
| 0
| 7
|
2020-01-02 17:07:49
|
ADHD
|
<es>i want to cry because every time i go to refill my medication (vyvanse) i literally have to fight the pharmacist.<ee> <efs>i’m sick of being treated like a criminal when i’m just trying to function.<efe> <efs>i don’t know what to do at this point because i really feel like dropping out of college, not trying to get my meds, and giving up.<efe> <es>i’m broke and have tri care and my vyvanse prescription needs to be verified in this obnoxious way that i can’t do because my PCM is across the country.<ee> <es>Express scripts is not helpful bc i need to jump through the same hoops.<ee> <es>i’m out of my adhd meds so it’s even harder to get all these steps done.<ee> <efs>i’m so burnt out.<efe> <es>considering becoming a sugar baby so i can afford the medication without having to go through the military.<ee> <es>wonder if i’ll have enough left over to pay for therapy.<ee> <es>i’m at a loss<ee>
| 2
| 2
| 0
| null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true
| 220
|
em0004
|
Gabepentin
|
0
|
help-seeking
| 1
|
I have some gabepentin that was NOT prescribed. My gf is going to rehab this coming Monday and is having had withdrawals from booze. My question is if I give her gab. Is this going to be looked upon as drug abuse since no script? I'm sure they blood test or urine test. Any advice would be great. She's currently going to get "1 bottle" now instead of her 4 a day habit.
|
crank1off
| 1
| 0
| 24
|
2020-01-08 22:23:06
|
alcoholicsanonymous
|
<es>I have some gabepentin that was NOT prescribed.<ee> <es>My gf is going to rehab this coming Monday and is having had withdrawals from booze.<ee> <rs>My question is if I give her gab.<re> <rs>Is this going to be looked upon as drug abuse since no script?<re> <es>I'm sure they blood test or urine test.<ee> <rs>Any advice would be great.<re> <es>She's currently going to get "1 bottle" now instead of her 4 a day habit.<ee>
| 2
| 0
| 2
| null | null |
How did X make you feel?
|
your girlfriend going through withdrawls
| null | null | null | true
| 202
|
epex5r
|
Dating someone with mental illness
|
1b
|
help-seeking
| 1
|
I never imagined dating anyone would every be painful or difficult. It’s exciting to first meet someone new even though it takes time to be sure about that person. At first the relationship was fairly slow, and he seemed very interested as I was still trying to sort my life out. I began to love this man the more I saw him. He lived close and we were together often. Weeks into our relationship things took a turn and he didn’t contact me for days. He said he wasn’t feeling well. We’ve been together for almost 8 months now and have experienced these episodes numerous times and I was striving just to get a full week out of the relationship. I’m not sure if I was right to go talk to other men when he broke it off with me at times but he says it’s still cheating even since we got back together. I can’t wrap my head around someone who says they aren’t well and makes the relationship the last priority. At what point do I give up on him?
|
tbevis
| 1
| 0
| 1
|
2020-01-16 05:29:34
|
mentalillness
|
I never imagined dating anyone would every be painful or difficult. It’s exciting to first meet someone new even though it takes time to be sure about that person. At first the relationship was fairly slow, and he seemed very interested as I was still trying to sort my life out. I began to love this man the more I saw him. He lived close and we were together often. Weeks into our relationship things took a turn and he didn’t contact me for days. He said he wasn’t feeling well. We’ve been together for almost 8 months now and have experienced these episodes numerous times and I was striving just to get a full week out of the relationship. I’m not sure if I was right to go talk to other men when he broke it off with me at times but he says it’s still cheating even since we got back together. I can’t wrap my head around someone who says they aren’t well and makes the relationship the last priority. At what point do I give up on him?
| 2
| 1
| 2
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
how the ups and downs in the relationship made you feel
| null | null | null | true
| 212
|
eourph
|
Those with stalkers, how did the police help you with your stalker?
|
0
|
survey
| 1
|
Did they do any surveillance to protect you? If so, for how long? What else did they do?
|
summerlonging
| 1
| 0
| 2
|
2020-01-15 00:58:31
|
domesticviolence
|
<rs>Those with stalkers, how did the police help you with your stalker?<re> <rs>Did they do any surveillance to protect you?<re> <rs>If so, for how long?<re> <rs>What else did they do?<re>
| 0
| 0
| 2
|
What happened that you want X ?
|
want to police to do surveillance on a stalker
|
Why are you wanting X ?
|
to have surviellance on the stalker
| null | null | null | true
| 2
|
elm0x4
|
It kills me that I’m not the one making you smile anymore...
|
1a
|
rant
| 1
| null |
kiri_816
| 1
| 0
| 4
|
2020-01-08 02:19:21
|
sad
|
<efs>It kills me that I’m not the one making you smile anymore...<efe> nan
| 0
| 1
| 0
|
What made you feel X ?
|
so upset
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
how you are feeling
|
What can help you overcome X ?
|
not being able to move on
| null | true
| 10
|
ejat85
|
is this SA ? I'm not all that shy but..
|
1b
|
help-seeking
| 2
|
I am not really shy all the time. Lots of times I am a social butterfly, maybe even bit annoying to some people after a couple of drinks. That is unless I think you don't like me.
What I am though is obsessing all the time if people like me, if people are looking down on me, if people think I am a fake or not honest. I feel like some people treat me poorly and I still want to be friends with them. I get super upset when people shun or ignore me and I feel like it happens with lots of people.
Sometimes I bet this feeds the cycle. I imagine someone doesn't like me and I actually strange so they don't like me. Or maybe they are just having a bad day.
Truthfully I have had several people tell me they didn't like me when we first met or that I took them a while to understand me or something. I have been told I should play a villain in films.. stuff like that.
Because of this I am super aware of other peoples energy and very sensitive to it. I have trouble just accepting that not everyone is going to be my friend or like me, or I also seem to focus and be jealous of other people.
It's sad. It makes me constantly miserable, I spend to much time alone. I can't really make very many good friends, or at least close friends.
Is this SA or sound like something else. So far I have looked around at possible c-ptsd, borderline. I definitely have classic anxiety and depression, panic attacks. Bad family history.
Thanks for you time.
|
helpmebrain
| 2
| 0
| 10
|
2020-01-03 05:22:16
|
socialanxiety
|
<es>I am not really shy all the time.<ee> <es>Lots of times I am a social butterfly, maybe even bit annoying to some people after a couple of drinks.<ee> <es>That is unless I think you don't like me.<ee> <es>What I am though is obsessing all the time if people like me, if people are looking down on me, if people think I am a fake or not honest.<ee> <efs>I feel like some people treat me poorly and I still want to be friends with them.<efe> <efs>I get super upset when people shun or ignore me and I feel like it happens with lots of people. <efe> Sometimes I bet this feeds the cycle. <es>I imagine someone doesn't like me and I actually strange so they don't like me.<ee> Or maybe they are just having a bad day. <es>Truthfully I have had several people tell me they didn't like me when we first met or that I took them a while to understand me or something.<ee> I have been told I should play a villain in films.. stuff like that. <es>Because of this I am super aware of other peoples energy and very sensitive to it.<ee> <es>I have trouble just accepting that not everyone is going to be my friend or like me, or I also seem to focus and be jealous of other people.<ee> <es>It's sad.<ee> <efs>It makes me constantly miserable, I spend to much time alone.<efe> <efs>I can't really make very many good friends, or at least close friends.<efe> <rs>Is this SA or sound like something else.<re> So far I have looked around at possible c-ptsd, borderline. <es>I definitely have classic anxiety and depression, panic attacks.<ee> <es>Bad family history.<ee> Thanks for you time.
| 2
| 2
| 2
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null | null | true
| 222
|
eiao19
|
Stuck in the middle
|
0
|
rant
| 1
|
Do you ever feel completely stuck between your spouse and your parents ? I do. For my entire life I didn’t have opinions out of deference to my mom; she ran everything and what she chose was like a decree. My husband is a bit like my mom for me now. I defer to him in most cases. I don’t have many opinions that are really strong for me because of how I was raised. Flash forward to Christmas 2019 People got shitty with each other this Christmas about “time spent with family” and guilting behavior on the part of my mom. Idk what to do with this other than share with this community. Thank you for reading.
|
smizzle612
| 1
| 0
| 2
|
2019-12-31 23:33:14
|
BPD
|
<efs>Do you ever feel completely stuck between your spouse and your parents ?<efe> <efs> I do.<efe> <es> For my entire life I didn’t have opinions out of deference to my mom; she ran everything and what she chose was like a decree. <ee> <es> My husband is a bit like my mom for me now. <ee> <es>I defer to him in most cases.<ee> <es>I don’t have many opinions that are really strong for me because of how I was raised.<ee> <es>Flash forward to Christmas 2019 People got shitty with each other this Christmas about “time spent with family” and guilting behavior on the part of my mom. <ee> <es>Idk what to do with this other than share with this community.<ee> Thank you for reading.
| 2
| 1
| 0
| null | null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
feeling of being stuck between your parents and spouse
|
What do you need help with now that X?
|
there was a fight during Christmas 2019
| null | true
| 210
|
f466vy
|
IDK if friend against friend count as DV, but if so, she’s a mental
|
1c
|
rant
| 1
| null |
HelpMeIveBeenAbused
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
2020-02-15 07:24:48
|
domesticviolence
| null | 0
| 0
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true
| 0
|
ey5la2
|
Ladies in a tough situation, please listen to her story and it might give you some courage to leave an abusive relationship!
|
0
|
chitchat
| 1
| null |
Nerdsona
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
2020-02-03 11:08:00
|
domesticviolence
| null | 0
| 0
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true
| 0
|
emmoul
|
Need support through cold turkey
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 1
|
My bf and I are detoxing together at home and I'm just looking for support and success stories through this first week.
(Not looking for 'get on subs or find a program'. No offense that's just n
ot how we can do it.) It's rough. I want to give in but I can't live this way forever obviously just really am looking for tips and advice on CT.
|
NearTheMoon
| 1
| 0
| 11
|
2020-01-10 05:48:03
|
OpiatesRecovery
|
<es>Need support through cold turkey<ee> <rs>My bf and I are detoxing together at home and I'm just looking for support and success stories through this first week.<re> <rs>(Not looking for 'get on subs or find a program'. No offense that's just n ot how we can do it.)<re> <es>It's rough.<ee> <rs>I want to give in but I can't live this way forever obviously just really am looking for tips and advice on CT.<re>
| 1
| 0
| 2
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
your cold turkey consumption
|
How did X make you feel?
|
not taking cold turkey
| null | null | null | true
| 102
|
eig5mq
|
New Year's is TRIGGERING
|
1a
|
rant
| 2
|
It is every damn year, and I always forget until it actually comes along. There's no significant trauma or anything that has ever happened on New Year's. It's just, idk. A reminder every year that I'm still alive and still suicidal and still horribly depressed no matter what I do? A reminder that I'm alone? My brother spent New Year's with me when he saw me crying about how alone I felt and it was really nice of him. But I had to drive home after countdown since I work today in the afternoon. It was just watching TV and like that was it.
But I was trying to plan in advance to be with friends and actually go out this year to reign in the new decade. And everything fell through. And Facebook is such a dark fucking black hole and I see everyone looking all done up and going out and partying. And I know I just don't really get to do that stuff because I don't really have friends. I have some friends but it's like idk. Maybe I'm just hella splitting right now, but they don't care enough about me to keep solid plans with me or do things with me or party with me. I'm honestly sad but also angry like no one fucking cares about me! It's all fake. I'm 24 and I'm supposed to be in my prime with this stuff but instead I'm always doing stuff like spending New Year's alone.
I just don't want to be alive another year living in this stupid fucking hell I'm living. Idc what people say it DOESN'T get better it only gets drastically worse until you fucking die. EVERY NEW YEAR'S I FEEL THIS WAY LIKE IT'S A FUCKING NEW YEAR'S CURSE.
|
manicinmke
| 1
| 0
| 1
|
2020-01-01 08:32:26
|
BPD
|
<es>New Year's is TRIGGERING<ee> <es>It is every damn year, and I always forget until it actually comes along.<ee> <es>There's no significant trauma or anything that has ever happened on New Year's.<ee> <es>It's just, idk.<ee> <efs>A reminder every year that I'm still alive and still suicidal and still horribly depressed no matter what I do?<efe> <efs>A reminder that I'm alone?<efe> <es>My brother spent New Year's with me when he saw me crying about how alone I felt and it was really nice of him.<ee> <es>But I had to drive home after countdown since I work today in the afternoon.<ee> <es>It was just watching TV and like that was it. <ee> <es>But I was trying to plan in advance to be with friends and actually go out this year to reign in the new decade.<ee> <es>And everything fell through.<ee> <es>And Facebook is such a dark fucking black hole and I see everyone looking all done up and going out and partying.<ee> <es>And I know I just don't really get to do that stuff because I don't really have friends.<ee> <es>I have some friends but it's like idk.<ee> <es>Maybe I'm just hella splitting right now, but they don't care enough about me to keep solid plans with me or do things with me or party with me.<ee> <efs>I'm honestly sad but also angry like no one fucking cares about me!<efe> <efs>It's all fake.<efe> <es>I'm 24 and I'm supposed to be in my prime with this stuff but instead I'm always doing stuff like spending New Year's alone.<ee> <efs>I just don't want to be alive another year living in this stupid fucking hell I'm living.<efe><es> Idc what people say it DOESN'T get better it only gets drastically worse until you fucking die.<ee> <efs>EVERY NEW YEAR'S I FEEL THIS WAY LIKE IT'S A FUCKING NEW YEAR'S CURSE.<efe>
| 2
| 2
| 0
| null | null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you get depressed on new year eve
| null | true
| 220
|
eipdp8
|
I moved over to the other side of the world and anxiety about my loved ones is crippling.
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 1
|
I'm not diagnosed with any anxiety disorder but over the last year or so I've developed a really intense and frightening paranoia about my loved ones dying/bad things happening to them. I've also been highly paranoid and hyperchondriac of my own health, constantly thinking I will get sick or have some sort of accident. It's pretty bad to the point where I have this ridiculous superstition that I have to 'touch wood' everytime I have one of these thoughts to ensure it won't happen.
A few years ago I moved to the other side of the world away from my family, I fly back to see them around once a year and miss them a lot, despite me being happy with my life overseas. I didn't experience any of this paranoia until the last year or so. I'm with them at the moment so it does feel like the anxiety has accelerated by being in their company, and it's really upsetting me that I can't just enjoy my time without these horrible thoughts. Its bringing me down and making me feel very distressed and anxious to the point where I can't sleep sometimes. I don't want to have these thoughts all the time. I don't really know what's best to do, I used to be so relaxed and chilled out and would love to restore myself back to my carefree self!
|
SlightlyConfusedBrit
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
2020-01-01 23:10:35
|
Anxiety
|
<es>I'm not diagnosed with any anxiety disorder but over the last year or so I've developed a really intense and frightening paranoia about my loved ones dying/bad things happening to them.<ee> <es>I've also been highly paranoid and hyperchondriac of my own health, constantly thinking I will get sick or have some sort of accident.<ee> <es>It's pretty bad to the point where I have this ridiculous superstition that I have to 'touch wood' everytime I have one of these thoughts to ensure it won't happen. <ee> <es>A few years ago I moved to the other side of the world away from my family, I fly back to see them around once a year and miss them a lot, despite me being happy with my life overseas.<ee> <es>I didn't experience any of this paranoia until the last year or so.<ee> <efs>I'm with them at the moment so it does feel like the anxiety has accelerated by being in their company, and it's really upsetting me that I can't just enjoy my time without these horrible thoughts.<efe> <efs>Its bringing me down and making me feel very distressed and anxious to the point where I can't sleep sometimes.<efe> <rs>I don't want to have these thoughts all the time.<re> <rs>I don't really know what's best to do, I used to be so relaxed and chilled out and would love to restore myself back to my carefree self!<re>
| 2
| 2
| 2
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null | null | true
| 222
|
eov7nv
|
Sorry if questions like this aren't allowed, but are there any other teenagers here?
|
0
|
survey
| 1
|
I just want to know if I'm alone here.
PS: Couple weeks sober :)
|
FellowHooman
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
2020-01-15 01:33:06
|
alcoholicsanonymous
|
<rs>Sorry if questions like this aren't allowed, but are there any other teenagers here?<re> <rs>I just want to know if I'm alone here.<re> <es>PS: Couple weeks sober :)<ee>
| 1
| 0
| 2
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
your alcohol addiction
|
How did X make you feel?
|
being sober
| null | null | null | true
| 102
|
fhniwu
|
Best tips for getting things done when you're in a dip?
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 1
|
Struggling to get basic stuff done, chores, even hygiene things. Can't sleep and lay awake all night, melatonin hasn't been helping, and then I stay in bed until 10 or 11, which is a full 12-13 hours in bed. I'm exhausted all the time and my body feels physically weak. Usually putting on my shoes helps, I'm less likely to sit online all day. My husband works and I take care of the home, except I'm not taking care of the home. No friends, no kids, dishes are piling up, struggling to make meals (I often don't make or eat anything even when I'm hungry bc it's too much work). I feel useless. Started my garden really late this year because I was too busy being flat, and now idk if anything will even grow. I struggle with anxiety, depression, and agoraphobia. I don't drive due to anxiety, so things like "go for a walk at the park" aren't helpful, and I'm limited to my property because of the agoraphobia anyway.
Any suggestions? I can be sad and still get necessary things done. But the lack of energy is really doing me in. Feels like I'm moving through mud.
|
givemeanew_name
| 1
| 0
| 3
|
2020-03-12 21:00:27
|
getting_over_it
|
<es>Struggling to get basic stuff done, chores, even hygiene things.<ee> <es>Can't sleep and lay awake all night, melatonin hasn't been helping, and then I stay in bed until 10 or 11, which is a full 12-13 hours in bed.<ee> <efs>I'm exhausted all the time and my body feels physically weak.<efe> <es>Usually putting on my shoes helps, I'm less likely to sit online all day.<ee> <es>My husband works and I take care of the home, except I'm not taking care of the home.<ee> <es>No friends, no kids, dishes are piling up, struggling to make meals (I often don't make or eat anything even when I'm hungry bc it's too much work).<ee> <efs>I feel useless.<efe> <es>Started my garden really late this year because I was too busy being flat, and now idk if anything will even grow.<ee> <es>I struggle with anxiety, depression, and agoraphobia.<ee> <es>I don't drive due to anxiety, so things like "go for a walk at the park" aren't helpful, and I'm limited to my property because of the agoraphobia anyway.<ee> <rs>Any suggestions?<re> <es>I can be sad and still get necessary things done.<ee> <efs>But the lack of energy is really doing me in.<efe> <efs>Feels like I'm moving through mud.<efe>
| 2
| 2
| 2
| null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true
| 222
|
emdyw2
|
Coping with a NSSI addiction
|
1a
|
rant
| 1
|
(non suicidal self Injury)
I like to burn myself. To heat metal and hold it to my flesh. When I was 14-16 I would cut but I would also do this, and now as an adult in my late 20s I've started up again in the past year or so thinking it was a easier way to deal with my depression than drinking but I think I made a big mistake.
Well it worked and now the urges to burn myself are strong and come very easily. I try to do other things and distract myself from the urges but then I end up wasting hours at a time doing nothing and I get mad that all I needed to do was grab my needles and a torch.
|
b33fy5layer
| 1
| 0
| 6
|
2020-01-09 18:46:02
|
addiction
|
(non suicidal self Injury) <es>I like to burn myself.<ee> <es>To heat metal and hold it to my flesh.<ee> <es>When I was 14-16 I would cut but I would also do this, and now as an adult in my late 20s I've started up again in the past year or so thinking it was a easier way to deal with my depression than drinking but I think I made a big mistake.<ee> <es>Well it worked and now the urges to burn myself are strong and come very easily.<ee> <es>I try to do other things and distract myself from the urges but then I end up wasting hours at a time doing nothing and I get mad that all I needed to do was grab my needles and a torch.<ee>
| 2
| 0
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null |
How did X make you feel?
|
burning yourself
|
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you can't control your urge for self harm
| null | true
| 200
|
epk1jq
|
I'm at a loss - in a rut
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 1
|
Hi Reddit,
First off, I apologise if this is in the wrong sub, I am a new user.
I am in my early 20s and disabled; a double amputee with crippling Arthritis. I live alone and have done so for the past three years. I recently switched towns in hopes of new opportunities but alas still in a rut. I apply for jobs every day but never hear back. I haven't dated for two years but have dating apps. I've tried writing and freelance work, with no luck. My parents live near but are unemployed also due to disabilities. Life is sucky. I do go to the gym multiple times a week when I can. That, besides reading, is my only hobby.
Any advice out there for employment or just how to cope? I have read a lot of Enlightenment works and do often meditate, but that doesn't change the facts.
TIA.
|
Legless1998
| 1
| 0
| 17
|
2020-01-16 14:29:44
|
selfhelp
|
Hi Reddit, First off, I apologise if this is in the wrong sub, I am a new user. <es>I am in my early 20s and disabled; a double amputee with crippling Arthritis.<ee> <es>I live alone and have done so for the past three years.<ee> <es>I recently switched towns in hopes of new opportunities but alas still in a rut.<ee> <es>I apply for jobs every day but never hear back.<ee> <es>I haven't dated for two years but have dating apps.<ee> <es>I've tried writing and freelance work, with no luck.<ee> <es>My parents live near but are unemployed also due to disabilities.<ee> <es>Life is sucky.<ee> <es>I do go to the gym multiple times a week when I can.<ee> <es>That, besides reading, is my only hobby.<ee> <rs>Any advice out there for employment or just how to cope?<re> <es>I have read a lot of Enlightenment works and do often meditate, but that doesn't change the facts.<ee> TIA.
| 2
| 0
| 2
| null | null |
How did X make you feel?
|
your situation
| null | null | null | true
| 202
|
eiveyl
|
Being on meds again, I have no need for new years resolutions.
|
0
|
chitchat
| 2
|
Insert Tragic backstory of how severe my ADD is and the hell ive gone through not getting properly diagnosed my entire fucking life untill bout 2 months ago here.
Instantly my quality of life changed. I am no longer bedbound, overwhelmed or incapable. I went from being the guy that had to hide or have excuses made for him when family came over hiding under covers for however many days they were visiting to the MVP savior. Juggling 3 nephews, 3 other kids, several adults, some...questionable. Telling everyone i had the kids under control and if they needed anythimg, coffee, water w.e.
I can leave my house, reading more, hold conversations and generally social skills cured no word salad or needing to excuse myself due to being overwhelmed, none of that. i started learning guitar, cleaning, eating right, broadening activities, it just goes on. Everything I want or need to do I just get it done. The whole "you can accomplish what you set your mind to" is finally real to me and Ive had my mind set, but needed the meds to function.
So this new years eve hearing about resolutions I couldnt help but laugh to myself with joy. I dont need to make resolutions. Ive had my goals in life for a while now and just leading into the new years already accomplished various of them.
I got this year in the bag before it even started and I just had to share
|
RedditBledIt
| 1
| 0
| 2
|
2020-01-02 07:59:53
|
ADHD
|
Insert Tragic backstory of how severe my ADD is and the hell ive gone through not getting properly diagnosed my entire fucking life untill bout 2 months ago here. Instantly my quality of life changed. I am no longer bedbound, overwhelmed or incapable. I went from being the guy that had to hide or have excuses made for him when family came over hiding under covers for however many days they were visiting to the MVP savior. Juggling 3 nephews, 3 other kids, several adults, some...questionable. Telling everyone i had the kids under control and if they needed anythimg, coffee, water w.e. I can leave my house, reading more, hold conversations and generally social skills cured no word salad or needing to excuse myself due to being overwhelmed, none of that. i started learning guitar, cleaning, eating right, broadening activities, it just goes on. Everything I want or need to do I just get it done. The whole "you can accomplish what you set your mind to" is finally real to me and Ive had my mind set, but needed the meds to function. So this new years eve hearing about resolutions I couldnt help but laugh to myself with joy. I dont need to make resolutions. Ive had my goals in life for a while now and just leading into the new years already accomplished various of them. I got this year in the bag before it even started and I just had to share
| 0
| 0
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
positive
| true
| 0
|
eizkdd
|
is there a DBT skill most effective with combatting unwanted mental images?
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 1
|
I've done a lot of different DBT groups, outpatient and inpatient, and legitimate classes for DBT some of which I did not complete, but I have an overall good understanding of most skills. my two current therapists/psychiatrists haven't been able to really help me. Ive been getting constant unwanted disturbing mental images and its getting in the way of me being fully connected to my boyfriend and I'm visibly shaken by it and he's concerned about me. my mind has been trying to cut me off from enjoying intimate moments lately, mostly since the holidays, maybe because my fear of abandonment has worsened.
I know I come on this sub a lot for advice and I really appreciate it. I'm gonna make an effort to come on this sub more and add comment and conversation to more of your guys posts and give back. thank you. <3
|
aquametalmermaid
| 1
| 0
| 2
|
2020-01-02 15:26:15
|
BPD
|
<rs>is there a DBT skill most effective with combatting unwanted mental images?<re> <es>I've done a lot of different DBT groups, outpatient and inpatient, and legitimate classes for DBT some of which I did not complete, but I have an overall good understanding of most skills.<ee> <es>my two current therapists/psychiatrists haven't been able to really help me.<ee> <es>Ive been getting constant unwanted disturbing mental images and its getting in the way of me being fully connected to my boyfriend and I'm visibly shaken by it and he's concerned about me.<ee> <efs>my mind has been trying to cut me off from enjoying intimate moments lately, mostly since the holidays, maybe because my fear of abandonment has worsened.<efe> I know I come on this sub a lot for advice and I really appreciate it. I'm gonna make an effort to come on this sub more and add comment and conversation to more of your guys posts and give back. thank you. <3
| 2
| 2
| 2
| null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true
| 222
|
f9tccu
|
I’m kinda surprised people follow a schedule everyday and they’re able to stick through with it
|
1a
|
survey
| 2
|
Kinda not the best sub to say this but idk where else to say it but i feel like it needs to be said.
I just cant imagine going to sleep on time, waking up on time, getting ready in the morning, driving to school or work and then doing what you gotta do for a couple hours and then you go home and repeat this cycle all over again.
It’s not like I don’t do this, I do...somewhat. I had to do it for school but I was always unable to follow a schedule. A part of me couldn’t. It drives me nuts that we’re expected to have consistency with our lives and expect not to have trouble with it. Since middle school I was unable to fall asleep at a proper time. I was up at 2-4AM most nights. I was unable to eat 3 meals a day, I only ate 1 meal but most of the time it was snack foods and I was somewhat malnourished. I was unable to go to school everyday because my anxiety or depression was really bad that day. I honestly don’t know how most post can repeat the cycle and act like they are fine for the most part. It gives me a mental breakdown just thinking about how if I were to get a job I’d have to follow a schedule.
Do you feel this way as well?
|
-BoB-
| 1
| 0
| 15
|
2020-02-26 13:38:51
|
getting_over_it
|
Kinda not the best sub to say this but idk where else to say it but i feel like it needs to be said. <es>I just cant imagine going to sleep on time, waking up on time, getting ready in the morning, driving to school or work and then doing what you gotta do for a couple hours and then you go home and repeat this cycle all over again.<ee> <es>It’s not like I don’t do this, I do...somewhat.<ee> <es>I had to do it for school but I was always unable to follow a schedule.<ee> <es>A part of me couldn’t.<ee> <efs>It drives me nuts that we’re expected to have consistency with our lives and expect not to have trouble with it.<efe><es> Since middle school I was unable to fall asleep at a proper time.<ee> <es>I was up at 2-4AM most nights.<ee> <es>I was unable to eat 3 meals a day, I only ate 1 meal but most of the time it was snack foods and I was somewhat malnourished.<ee> <es>I was unable to go to school everyday because my anxiety or depression was really bad that day.<ee> <efs>I honestly don’t know how most post can repeat the cycle and act like they are fine for the most part.<efe> <efs>It gives me a mental breakdown just thinking about how if I were to get a job I’d have to follow a schedule. <efe> <rs>Do you feel this way as well?<re>
| 2
| 2
| 1
| null | null | null | null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
what would help you stick through a schedule
| null | true
| 221
|
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