sub_id
string | title
string | Criticism
string | Intent
string | Readability
int64 | body
string | author
string | score
int64 | awards
int64 | numComms
int64 | created
string | subreddit
string | annotated_post_body
string | ES
int64 | EFS
int64 | RS
int64 | EMaskingQ
string | EMask
string | EFSMaskingQ
string | EFSMask
string | RMaskingQ
string | RMask
string | Comments
string | Annotated
bool | label_combination
int64 |
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f65pz8
|
Mindfullness has been pretty tough lately
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1a
|
survey
| 2
|
I feel like this community doesn't really mind but sorry in advanced if this gets scattered and longwinded. I feel like I start out strong and end as doodlebob.
I started practicing mindfullness in therapy months ago but it has taken up until now for it to start clicking. At least kind of. My standard mindset is lost in thoughts of varying emotional impact. Pretty detatched and almost no focus. It's like a trance. You could ask me what I was thinking about a few seconds ago and I would probably struggle to remember.
Recently since I kind of started understanding it I've had some days where it's pretty easy to stay present. Easy to catch when i would started my anxious thought patterns and bring myself back to the moment. It didn't fix everything but it felt good. Then other days, like today, I just can't do it. It's nothing but frustrations and hopelessness. Little things would trigger me that I would've been able to brush off a couple days ago. Ended up getting completely overwhelmed and taking a sad nap. Solid nap but not worth the mental burnout.
Had this happened with anyone else? I don't feel like I'm really doing it right if I'm hitting the ground that hard. I also pick on myself a lot so maybe it's normal. Idk.
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ElusiveGooser
| 1
| 0
| 2
|
2020-02-19 05:04:17
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getting_over_it
|
I feel like this community doesn't really mind but sorry in advanced if this gets scattered and longwinded. I feel like I start out strong and end as doodlebob. <es>I started practicing mindfullness in therapy months ago but it has taken up until now for it to start clicking.<ee> <es>At least kind of.<ee> <es> My standard mindset is lost in thoughts of varying emotional impact.<ee> <es>Pretty detatched and almost no focus.<ee> <es>It's like a trance.<ee> <es>You could ask me what I was thinking about a few seconds ago and I would probably struggle to remember.<ee> <es>Recently since I kind of started understanding it I've had some days where it's pretty easy to stay present. <ee> <es>Easy to catch when i would started my anxious thought patterns and bring myself back to the moment.<ee> <efs> It didn't fix everything but it felt good. <efe> <es>Then other days, like today, I just can't do it.<ee> <efs>It's nothing but frustrations and hopelessness.<efe> <es>Little things would trigger me that I would've been able to brush off a couple days ago.<ee> <efs>Ended up getting completely overwhelmed and taking a sad nap.<efe> Solid nap but not worth the mental burnout. <rs>Had this happened with anyone else?<re> <efs>I don't feel like I'm really doing it right if I'm hitting the ground that hard.<efe> <es>I also pick on myself a lot so maybe it's normal.<ee> Idk.
| 2
| 2
| 2
| null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true
| 222
|
ejxfud
|
Depakote helped calm me down but made me fat. My psychiatrist won't prescribe an alternative. Any suggestions?
|
1c
|
help-seeking
| 2
|
I cut off the Depakote because I really value a healthy lifestyle. I felt bloated and disgusting on the drug, but it did help my anger. Once I cut myself off, the rage came back almost immediately. What's worse, a lot of my anger in life is justified -- hit by a car and the asshole driver wasn't imprisoned, despite serious injury; mom is dying of cancer; my job has a lot of shitty aspects; many "girlfriends" but nobody I've really ever loved; and by the way, everyone is aware our president is a mushroom-dicked retard who can't read, right? I'm furious all the time, and also trying to stay sober. The only medicine that helps is Klonopin. Any suggestions?
The appeal of my anger is that it reminds me the world is unfair, and it is my responsibility to address those injustices. The problem is, as with my injuries and my mom, there's really nothing I can do -- it's all out of my control.
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hotsaucecommitteep3
| 19
| 0
| 25
|
2020-01-04 14:46:21
|
Anger
|
<es>Depakote helped calm me down but made me fat.<ee> <es>My psychiatrist won't prescribe an alternative.<ee> <rs>Any suggestions?<re> <es>I cut off the Depakote because I really value a healthy lifestyle.<ee> <efs>I felt bloated and disgusting on the drug, but it did help my anger.<efe> <es>Once I cut myself off, the rage came back almost immediately.<ee> <es>What's worse, a lot of my anger in life is justified -- hit by a car and the asshole driver wasn't imprisoned, despite serious injury; mom is dying of cancer; my job has a lot of shitty aspects; many "girlfriends" but nobody I've really ever loved; and by the way, everyone is aware our president is a mushroom-dicked retard who can't read, right?<ee> <es>I'm furious all the time, and also trying to stay sober.<ee> The only medicine that helps is Klonopin. <rs>Any suggestions?<re> <es>The appeal of my anger is that it reminds me the world is unfair, and it is my responsibility to address those injustices.<ee> <es>The problem is, as with my injuries and my mom, there's really nothing I can do -- it's all out of my control.<ee>
| 2
| 2
| 2
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
title
| true
| 222
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fgboq5
|
Slowly doing it. But it is really scary.
|
1a
|
rant
| 1
|
I have booked 2 appointments with therapists. I am on medication and seeing a doctor every month about my depression and anxiety medication. I have started to study again for exams and I am making progress. I was at rock bottom when I made this account but I am slowly bouncing back to normalcy.
But in the back of my mind, there is this pull back. The depression is comforting and this is so scary. I don't know what it is like to be normal. I am like a blank canvas and I don't know who I am anymore.
Thanks for listening. I just wanted to get it off my chest. I don't mind if no one reads or this gets deleted or something. I don't think I will ever be the same again. But the experience of being at your lowest in addiction, depression, and anxiety has made me stronger in a way and I can now empathise with many people who are suffering.
If there is anyone still really struggling, please see a doctor. It is so so hard and scary to book an appointment, but medication can save your life. It is slowly saving mine and it is really crazy how my life has changed.
|
rock_bottom7
| 1
| 0
| 10
|
2020-03-10 10:25:42
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getting_over_it
|
I have booked 2 appointments with therapists. I am on medication and seeing a doctor every month about my depression and anxiety medication. I have started to study again for exams and I am making progress. I was at rock bottom when I made this account but I am slowly bouncing back to normalcy. But in the back of my mind, there is this pull back. The depression is comforting and this is so scary. I don't know what it is like to be normal. I am like a blank canvas and I don't know who I am anymore. Thanks for listening. I just wanted to get it off my chest. I don't mind if no one reads or this gets deleted or something. I don't think I will ever be the same again. But the experience of being at your lowest in addiction, depression, and anxiety has made me stronger in a way and I can now empathise with many people who are suffering. If there is anyone still really struggling, please see a doctor. It is so so hard and scary to book an appointment, but medication can save your life. It is slowly saving mine and it is really crazy how my life has changed.
| 0
| 0
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
positive
| true
| 0
|
eiwh05
|
Huge self hate moment right now
|
1a
|
rant
| 1
|
I walked past a mirror today and couldn’t stop crying at what I looked like. 2019 was an awful year full of loss and life scares and I’m at the worst weight I have ever been at. I’m going to change it but I’m this moment right now I feel so awful and tears won’t stop flowing.
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ruchaida_72
| 1
| 0
| 3
|
2020-01-02 10:10:03
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sad
|
<es>I walked past a mirror today and couldn’t stop crying at what I looked like.<ee> <es>2019 was an awful year full of loss and life scares and I’m at the worst weight I have ever been at.<ee> <efs>I’m going to change it but I’m this moment right now I feel so awful and tears won’t stop flowing.<efe>
| 1
| 2
| 0
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
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why 2019 was awful
| null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you feel awful about your weight
| null | true
| 120
|
eicf97
|
Is there a way to "forecast" a depressive episode and what can you do?
|
0
|
help-seeking
| 1
|
For me at least, I don't have chronic depression but there have been periods of couple months where I feel very depressed and it distorts my view of the world and I become very negative, even though I am generally a somewhat optimistic person. So are there telltale signs that one may be entering a downward spiral, and are there ways to lessen the episode and not dig a deeper hole. Thank you.
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TrippinOutdood
| 1
| 0
| 1
|
2020-01-01 02:01:01
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depression
|
<rs>Is there a way to "forecast" a depressive episode and what can you do?<re> <es>For me at least, I don't have chronic depression but there have been periods of couple months where I feel very depressed and it distorts my view of the world and I become very negative, even though I am generally a somewhat optimistic person.<ee> So are there telltale signs that one may be entering a downward spiral, and are there ways to lessen the episode and not dig a deeper hole. Thank you.
| 2
| 0
| 2
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null |
How did X make you feel?
|
your depression
| null | null |
title
| true
| 202
|
ethh6c
|
(17M) I know too much. I am lost. Identity crisis
|
1a
|
rant
| 2
|
Hello everyone. I’d like to give you a heads up since this might be a sloppy post. I’ll write everything off the top of my head so that I won’t forget anything.
I am a 17 year old male living in Egypt and I am having an identity crisis. I am into music and movies heavily and I figure it changes my identity as a result. One day I could be a gentlemen like Frank Sinatra, one day I could be a mobster like Vito Corleone, one day I could be a gangster like Ice Cube, one day I could be a trap star like Travis Scott, and one day I could be a rockstar like Kurt Cobain. And surprisingly I find myself emerged into the identity of that person/genre/day, and I’d sing recite, and act just like that. For a 17 year old I have made my own music, which is on SoundCloud, and I’ve started my own clothing brand which abruptly failed but was an experience. I have always felt alone. I never had a girlfriend/a first kiss. Ive always been rejected and never had a lot of friends. For that reason I came across a lot free time to create and explore different crafts. Last night I went to my first ever party and realized how much of a loser I am. I am thin and small, and everyone at that party was big, looked, and acted like a chad. Not to mention that everyone had a woman. And I was just... me. Trying to fit in once again. Wishing I’d be home on my computer. I felt like a loser and a nobody. That’s when I figured why I get rejected. I’m no chad. I’m not interesting nor am I strong. And that’s when I also figured I have no identity. I jump from theme to theme but there is no me. I simply do not exist. It has gotten to the point where I am certain I’m in a dream, and I’m waiting to wake up. I am clueless where I want to go, who I want to be, or who I currently am. I lay here in bed in despair wishing I’d find the answer... who am I?
I am sorry if this is the wrong subreddit but I have no one else to talk to, and I wanted to get my feelings out.
|
sicko2002
| 1
| 0
| 9
|
2020-01-24 22:08:53
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selfhelp
|
Hello everyone. I’d like to give you a heads up since this might be a sloppy post. I’ll write everything off the top of my head so that I won’t forget anything. <es>I am a 17 year old male living in Egypt and I am having an identity crisis.<ee> <es>I am into music and movies heavily and I figure it changes my identity as a result.<ee> <es>One day I could be a gentlemen like Frank Sinatra, one day I could be a mobster like Vito Corleone, one day I could be a gangster like Ice Cube, one day I could be a trap star like Travis Scott, and one day I could be a rockstar like Kurt Cobain.<ee> <es>And surprisingly I find myself emerged into the identity of that person/genre/day, and I’d sing recite, and act just like that.<ee> <es>For a 17 year old I have made my own music, which is on SoundCloud, and I’ve started my own clothing brand which abruptly failed but was an experience.<ee> <efs>I have always felt alone.<efe> <es>I never had a girlfriend/a first kiss.<ee> <es>Ive always been rejected and never had a lot of friends.<ee> <es>For that reason I came across a lot free time to create and explore different crafts.<ee> <efs>Last night I went to my first ever party and realized how much of a loser I am.<efe> <es>I am thin and small, and everyone at that party was big, looked, and acted like a chad.<ee> <es>Not to mention that everyone had a woman.<ee> <es>And I was just... me.<ee> <es>Trying to fit in once again.<ee> <efs>Wishing I’d be home on my computer.<efe> <efs>I felt like a loser and a nobody.<efe> <es>That’s when I figured why I get rejected.<ee> <es>I’m no chad.<ee> <es>I’m not interesting nor am I strong.<ee> <es>And that’s when I also figured I have no identity.<ee> <es>I jump from theme to theme but there is no me.<ee> <efs>I simply do not exist.<efe> <es>It has gotten to the point where I am certain I’m in a dream, and I’m waiting to wake up.<ee> <es>I am clueless where I want to go, who I want to be, or who I currently am.<ee> <es>I lay here in bed in despair wishing I’d find the answer... who am I?<ee> <rs>I am sorry if this is the wrong subreddit but I have no one else to talk to, and I wanted to get my feelings out.<re>
| 2
| 2
| 1
| null | null | null | null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
what would help resolve your identity crisis
| null | true
| 221
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elpuz5
|
I feel lost.
|
1a
|
rant
| 1
|
Right now, I’m financially slowly going down, hanging by a thread, but my dad is thankfully helping me out. I work at a good but low paying part time job at a grocery store and I am hopefully starting at a full time major career type of job next Tuesday. When I look at it objectively, my life is at the bottom of a U-shaped ramp, slowly going upward. I should be happy, and excited.
But for some reason, I just feel lost and unsure. What if I cannot perform to the ability this new job requires of me? This new job will actually be using what I went to school for and I’ll be making some real money. What if they decide I am not good enough? What if I cannot afford my rent this month? I’ve never missed a bill, not once. But my dad said if need be, he could cover it, but I’d owe him. I’ve never been in debt in my life yet. I’ve always managed to get by without doing so. Why do I feel so lost, insecure, and afraid when my life is decent right now and looking for the better?
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Tylermcd93
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
2020-01-08 08:07:41
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sad
|
Right now, I’m financially slowly going down, hanging by a thread, but my dad is thankfully helping me out. I work at a good but low paying part time job at a grocery store and I am hopefully starting at a full time major career type of job next Tuesday. When I look at it objectively, my life is at the bottom of a U-shaped ramp, slowly going upward. I should be happy, and excited. But for some reason, I just feel lost and unsure. What if I cannot perform to the ability this new job requires of me? This new job will actually be using what I went to school for and I’ll be making some real money. What if they decide I am not good enough? What if I cannot afford my rent this month? I’ve never missed a bill, not once. But my dad said if need be, he could cover it, but I’d owe him. I’ve never been in debt in my life yet. I’ve always managed to get by without doing so. Why do I feel so lost, insecure, and afraid when my life is decent right now and looking for the better?
| 2
| 2
| 2
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null | null | true
| 222
|
ek27nz
|
Alone in a crowd. Rambling post. Sorry.
|
1a
|
rant
| 2
|
I think it's progress. I've gone from buying tabletop/war games and looking at them at home and not having anyone to play them with, to sitting in a FLGS (friendly local game shop) surrounded by games and people and not playing. Or talking. Or engaging with anyone. Can't do it. The energy and effort it would take to interact beyond surface level kills me.
Headphones on, making notes on games "I plan" to play. I nod and smile at staff, I browse the stuff on sale, I might buy something (but not ever play it, it seems).
It helps that my kid plays games in the video game cafe section. If he didn't, I wouldn't go out.
He's not into tabletop stuff.
Don't even know why I'm posting this.
I want to play games, I want friends and a social life but its like I'm out of phase with the rest of reality. Like a ghost perhaps. And I'd rather not risk being drained or hurt by anything more than perfunctory surface interactions.
Maybe, just maybe, there's a hobby or a game or a something out there that won't leave me drained, or hurt me, or turn on me when I thought it was my friend.
|
lorenlorenson
| 26
| 0
| 8
|
2020-01-04 20:46:17
|
socialanxiety
|
<es>I think it's progress.<ee> <es>I've gone from buying tabletop/war games and looking at them at home and not having anyone to play them with, to sitting in a FLGS (friendly local game shop) surrounded by games and people and not playing.<ee> <es>Or talking.<ee> <es>Or engaging with anyone.<ee> <es>Can't do it.<ee> <es>The energy and effort it would take to interact beyond surface level kills me. <ee> <es>Headphones on, making notes on games "I plan" to play. I nod and smile at staff, I browse the stuff on sale, I might buy something (but not ever play it, it seems).<ee> <es>It helps that my kid plays games in the video game cafe section.<ee> <es>If he didn't, I wouldn't go out.<ee> <es>He's not into tabletop stuff. <ee> Don't even know why I'm posting this. <rs>I want to play games, I want friends and a social life but its like I'm out of phase with the rest of reality.<re> <efs>Like a ghost perhaps.<efe> <efs>And I'd rather not risk being drained or hurt by anything more than perfunctory surface interactions.<efe> <rs>Maybe, just maybe, there's a hobby or a game or a something out there that won't leave me drained, or hurt me, or turn on me when I thought it was my friend.<re>
| 2
| 2
| 2
| null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true
| 222
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eiq2zz
|
How to stop being dull when nervous
|
1b
|
help-seeking
| 1
|
I have some pretty bad social anxiety, like I can
function pretty well in everyday life but one on one
contact is often where problems arise. Like I just
don't know what to say, so I get very stressed out
and play it overly safe, to the point where if you have
a conversation with me you often won't come out
of it knowing anything unique about me. People will
usually get bored of them being the one that pushes
the conversation forward, with little to no help from
me. A lot of my friends treat me like sort of a therapist
and most of my part in the conversation is just asking
them questions about themselves (don't get me
wrong I love my friends, but sometimes I wish that
I could change the dynamic). It's gotten to the point
that I'm even like this around my family, I'm conscious
of it as it's happening but I can't seem to do anything
to stop it. I hate being the dullest person in the world, any suggestions?
|
throw73526
| 1
| 0
| 5
|
2020-01-02 00:05:30
|
socialanxiety
|
<es>I have some pretty bad social anxiety, like I can function pretty well in everyday life but one on one contact is often where problems arise.<ee> <es>Like I just don't know what to say, so I get very stressed out and play it overly safe, to the point where if you have a conversation with me you often won't come out of it knowing anything unique about me.<ee> <es>People will usually get bored of them being the one that pushes the conversation forward, with little to no help from me.<ee> <es>A lot of my friends treat me like sort of a therapist and most of my part in the conversation is just asking them questions about themselves (don't get me wrong I love my friends, but sometimes I wish that I could change the dynamic).<ee> <es>It's gotten to the point that I'm even like this around my family, I'm conscious of it as it's happening but I can't seem to do anything to stop it.<ee> <rs>I hate being the dullest person in the world, any suggestions?<re>
| 2
| 0
| 2
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null |
How did X make you feel?
|
your social anxiety
| null | null | null | true
| 202
|
eimyyr
|
Issues with apologies in a recent argument
|
1b
|
rant
| 2
|
A bit odd after my recent positivity post, but I also really need to rant, and this is the only place where (afaik) my FP doesn't keep up with me.
Keeping the situation as vague as possible: there's this activity my FP and I have done together for years. I've not been as active in it recently, but it's the type of activity where even if I'm not doing it, I can keep up with what she's doing, and I love doing that. Recently, she's started doing that activity (after a similar break), and she never told me that she was doing it. I found out mostly by accident, in such a way that it's possible I wouldn't have found out for months.
I could live with that, but what's got me so upset is what's happened since. My apology language is basically 100% "accept responsibility" or, essentially, the other person saying "This is what I did wrong." All her apologies have been essentially "I'm sorry I made you feel left out." Which I genuinely do appreciate, but I'm like...okay, but I don't just "feel" left out, I /was/ left out. I feel like if she would just say "I'm sorry I left you out," I would be able to move on. Of course I'm not going to manipulate her into saying that, but I also recognize that it's unfair for me to not forgive her when she probably just doesn't recognize what she did wrong.
It is upsetting me, definitely, because I keep hearing it as "I'm sorry you found out" rather than "I'm sorry I did this." Like, all I want is that solid "I left you out" instead of "I made you feel left out" or explanations as to how I can actually join now and it'll be fine (I can't, actually--sure, no one would actively exclude me, but I'd be the 'new person' and treated accordingly).
This is mostly just a rant, but perspective or advice would be welcomed as well. Thanks for bearing with me! I'll also likely cross-post this elsewhere, so if you see it, it's just me again.
|
leviathanchronicles
| 1
| 0
| 4
|
2020-01-01 20:04:52
|
BPD
|
<rs>A bit odd after my recent positivity post, but I also really need to rant, and this is the only place where (afaik) my FP doesn't keep up with me.<re> <es>Keeping the situation as vague as possible: there's this activity my FP and I have done together for years.<ee> <es>I've not been as active in it recently, but it's the type of activity where even if I'm not doing it, I can keep up with what she's doing, and I love doing that.<ee> <es>Recently, she's started doing that activity (after a similar break), and she never told me that she was doing it.<ee> <es>I found out mostly by accident, in such a way that it's possible I wouldn't have found out for months. <ee> <efs>I could live with that, but what's got me so upset is what's happened since.<efe> <es>My apology language is basically 100% "accept responsibility" or, essentially, the other person saying "This is what I did wrong."<ee> <es>All her apologies have been essentially "I'm sorry I made you feel left out."<ee> <efs>Which I genuinely do appreciate, but I'm like...okay, but I don't just "feel" left out, I /was/ left out. I feel like if she would just say "I'm sorry I left you out," I would be able to move on.<efe> <es>Of course I'm not going to manipulate her into saying that, but I also recognize that it's unfair for me to not forgive her when she probably just doesn't recognize what she did wrong.<ee> <efs>It is upsetting me, definitely, because I keep hearing it as "I'm sorry you found out" rather than "I'm sorry I did this."<efe> <es>Like, all I want is that solid "I left you out" instead of "I made you feel left out" or explanations as to how I can actually join now and it'll be fine (I can't, actually--sure, no one would actively exclude me, but I'd be the 'new person' and treated accordingly). <ee> <rs>This is mostly just a rant, but perspective or advice would be welcomed as well.<re> Thanks for bearing with me! I'll also likely cross-post this elsewhere, so if you see it, it's just me again.
| 2
| 2
| 1
| null | null | null | null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
what would help you not feel upset
| null | true
| 221
|
eiopdc
|
I shouldn't be disappointed but I am
|
1b
|
rant
| 2
|
I feel like a fool for being disappointed. Its been months now since my fp left me for good and since then I've been putting all my efforts into recovering and making new friends and trying to move past her. My family suggested I write her a small letter for christmas to let her know I was doing well so I did, I kept it short and simple and only a paragraph and kept it very basic and sent it along with a generic christmas card. Last night I made a post talking about my bpd and my recovery and how far I've come and even though she still follows me she didn't like the post. On one hand I wasn't expecting her to but I guess the other part of me was hoping she'd like it since when she left she told me she'd always love me and I had some hope she'd see it and be proud of me. There was a small part of me hoping she'd reach out when she got the letter to say hi but I know I should have known better.
I can't help but miss her even though she was also incredibly toxic towards me and has treated me like trash in the time up towards her cutting me out for good. Part of me wants to block her on everything and delete her from my life but I can't because I still have hope she'll come around one day. I feel like in a way she's still keeping me from being able to fully recover but I can't seem to let go of the hope I have and I feel like a fool.
|
sacredstar2000
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
2020-01-01 22:15:53
|
BPD
|
<efs>I feel like a fool for being disappointed.<efe> <es>Its been months now since my fp left me for good and since then I've been putting all my efforts into recovering and making new friends and trying to move past her.<ee> <es>My family suggested I write her a small letter for christmas to let her know I was doing well so I did, I kept it short and simple and only a paragraph and kept it very basic and sent it along with a generic christmas card.<ee> <es>Last night I made a post talking about my bpd and my recovery and how far I've come and even though she still follows me she didn't like the post.<ee> <es>On one hand I wasn't expecting her to but I guess the other part of me was hoping she'd like it since when she left she told me she'd always love me and I had some hope she'd see it and be proud of me.<ee> <es>There was a small part of me hoping she'd reach out when she got the letter to say hi but I know I should have known better.<ee> <efs>I can't help but miss her even though she was also incredibly toxic towards me and has treated me like trash in the time up towards her cutting me out for good.<efe> <es>Part of me wants to block her on everything and delete her from my life but I can't because I still have hope she'll come around one day.<ee> <efs>I feel like in a way she's still keeping me from being able to fully recover but I can't seem to let go of the hope I have and I feel like a fool.<efe>
| 2
| 2
| 0
| null | null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you miss your fp
| null | true
| 220
|
eicqbt
|
How do you know what you want to do when everything is a hyperfixation?
|
1a
|
rant
| 2
|
I feel like I've never had a stable personality. Just like many people here, I jump between hyperfixations every few weeks or months, and nothing is safe from it. Hobbies, jobs, things I buy, places to live... I have no idea what I really like and I feel like every time I get interested in something it's like trying to nail jelly to the wall: I try to pin it down and it just slips away and something else comes to take its place.
Since middle school, I've wanted to be: an accountant, a civil engineer, a filmmaker, an author, a teacher, a translator, a cook, a tower climber, a mechanic, a train driver... I even wanted to be in the military at one point.
So now I can't trust the latest interest because what if I sink a bunch of money and time into it only to totally abandon it a week later and end up back at square one? How do I know what I really want to do if I can never truly settle on anything? I thought about going back to school but I'm afraid to because I know I'll lose interest after 3 months, want to do something else, and be even more stuck.
|
pantagraines
| 1
| 0
| 8
|
2020-01-01 02:29:28
|
ADHD
|
<efs>I feel like I've never had a stable personality.<efe> <es>Just like many people here, I jump between hyperfixations every few weeks or months, and nothing is safe from it.<ee> <es>Hobbies, jobs, things I buy, places to live...<ee> <es>I have no idea what I really like and I feel like every time I get interested in something it's like trying to nail jelly to the wall: I try to pin it down and it just slips away and something else comes to take its place.<ee> <es>Since middle school, I've wanted to be: an accountant, a civil engineer, a filmmaker, an author, a teacher, a translator, a cook, a tower climber, a mechanic, a train driver... I even wanted to be in the military at one point.<ee> <es>So now I can't trust the latest interest because what if I sink a bunch of money and time into it only to totally abandon it a week later and end up back at square one?<ee> <rs>How do I know what I really want to do if I can never truly settle on anything?<re> <efs>I thought about going back to school but I'm afraid to because I know I'll lose interest after 3 months, want to do something else, and be even more stuck.<efe>
| 2
| 2
| 2
| null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true
| 222
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eos4n8
|
Peace love and happiness.
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0
|
chitchat
| 1
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Just wanna spread some love and positivity and wish everyone an amazing day that turns into an amazing week that then turns into month and so on. :)
|
greedIsAnIllness
| 1
| 0
| 3
|
2020-01-14 21:49:06
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mentalillness
|
Just wanna spread some love and positivity and wish everyone an amazing day that turns into an amazing week that then turns into month and so on. :)
| 0
| 0
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
positive
| true
| 0
|
epusn6
|
I want to find who I am
|
0
|
help-seeking
| 2
|
so I’m nineteen and I have autism level one.. a lot of the responses I give to situations took a lot of practice and through watching movies and television and other people I learned how to interact ... but I’m starting to realize that I don’t know if they are just responses or really me. Sometimes when I’m talking to someone it’s just getting through the conversation ... they are like auto replies. they sound normal and even have their own character to them. I definitely am my own thing when I’m speaking but I don’t know if it’s really me. I also suffer from adhd and this does help my conversations be lively but I don’t feel alive. I have talked to countless specialists through my life and I still just get a bunch of feel good stuff. I don’t ever get any real responses or awnsers but I think that’s because maybe they’ve never had this problem? I was just curious how some of you found who you were and if anyone has experienced anything similar. Thankyou for your responses. P.S I’m trying to make lists of what I am. I do it often but sometimes what I act like muddies things up and I start to feel insecure about if any of it correct. So that’s another thing to keep in mind.
|
bunmlk
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
2020-01-17 03:36:11
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mentalillness
|
<es>so I’m nineteen and I have autism level one..<ee> <es>a lot of the responses I give to situations took a lot of practice and through watching movies and television and other people I learned how to interact ... but I’m starting to realize that I don’t know if they are just responses or really me.<ee> <es>Sometimes when I’m talking to someone it’s just getting through the conversation ... they are like auto replies.<ee> <es>they sound normal and even have their own character to them.<ee> <es>I definitely am my own thing when I’m speaking but I don’t know if it’s really me.<ee> <es><efs>I also suffer from adhd and this does help my conversations be lively but I don’t feel alive.<efe><ee> I have talked to countless specialists through my life and I still just get a bunch of feel good stuff. <es>I don’t ever get any real responses or awnsers but I think that’s because maybe they’ve never had this problem?<ee> <rs>I was just curious how some of you found who you were and if anyone has experienced anything similar.<re> Thankyou for your responses. P.S I’m trying to make lists of what I am. <efs>I do it often but sometimes what I act like muddies things up and I start to feel insecure about if any of it correct.<efe> So that’s another thing to keep in mind.
| 2
| 1
| 2
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
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how you feel during conversations
| null | null | null | true
| 212
|
elcf0t
|
Prayers for Australia 🙏
|
0
|
chitchat
| 3
| null |
ryland1104
| 1
| 0
| 3
|
2020-01-07 14:43:51
|
sad
| null | 0
| 0
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true
| 0
|
emo9lk
|
I am at the end
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 1
|
Well now I’m more desperate than ever to get with this girl. It’s been 100 plus days and nothing has changed. If she decides to go to move away for college I’m going to kill myself. Also btw the only good thing that’s happened since then is that I told her I like her a lot and she said if her boyfriend and her don’t workout “it’s me and you” I honestly don’t know what to do at this point. I know people are going to say move on but I can’t. I have failed and I’m just looking for any last piece of advice before I go away
|
reddituser1011123425
| 1
| 0
| 5
|
2020-01-10 08:42:28
|
getting_over_it
|
Well now I’m more desperate than ever to get with this girl. It’s been 100 plus days and nothing has changed. If she decides to go to move away for college I’m going to kill myself. Also btw the only good thing that’s happened since then is that I told her I like her a lot and she said if her boyfriend and her don’t workout “it’s me and you” I honestly don’t know what to do at this point. I know people are going to say move on but I can’t. I have failed and I’m just looking for any last piece of advice before I go away
| 1
| 2
| 1
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
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what made you desperate about the girl
| null | null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
what would help you not have the negative thoughts
| null | true
| 121
|
ev6v5m
|
I'm so overwhelmed, so hopeless, so confused, and I'm losing the ability to cope. I can't do this anymore. I need serious help.
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 2
|
This might be long, but I really really need help and encouraging words/advice.
I've been dealing with on and off anxiety since 2010. The anxiety comes and goes in waves and in episodes. I get my worst when I'm stuck at home all day without anything to do, and if I'm alone. I also have depression, which has made everything I try and do to divert my attention away from my anxiety not pleasurable. Nothing is interesting. On top of that, for some reason, everything I try and do to pass the time during the day now causes anxiety. For example, right now, I'm home sick, and I'm trying to watch tv to pass the time, but for some reason, every tv show, every movie I watch, it's like it reminds me of something which caused anxiety. It's hard to describe. I have nothing to do, nowhere to turn for comfort right now. On top of that, my depression seems to be getting worse. I keep thinking how bleak my future is. How alone I feel. How my entire life will be like this. I feel so hopeless and so devoid of happiness. Is this just depression, or is this just life? If it's just life, I don't want it.
Also, just as an FYI, I'm on medication and seeing a therapist. I was put on Cipralex 2 years ago after some really bad anxiety, which helped for a bit, and then I added on Wellbutrin about 2 months ago after another bad bout of anxiety. The anxiety has subsided more or less, but recently, I feel very hopeless. The world seems very unpleasant and sad and full of anxiety. I don't know what to do anymore. My brain feels like a tornado of symptoms and feelings and thoughts, and I have such a hard time explaining whats going on. I post on reddit so often asking for help, because I just feel so alone in all this. I have my mom with me, but every time I feel bad, I feel super dependant on her. When I get really anxious, I just can't be alone. I feel this overwhelming need to go to my mom and freak out. And now all I'm thinking about is when she dies, how I won't have anyone I feel comfortable going to when I'm suffering.
I don't know what to do. I haven't felt comfort in so long. I haven't felt happy in so long. I haven't felt at peace in so long. My body hasn't felt healthy in...ever. Im so scared and anxious. I need help.
|
scotchtwink
| 1
| 0
| 1
|
2020-01-28 15:17:00
|
getting_over_it
|
<rs>This might be long, but I really really need help and encouraging words/advice.<re> <es>I've been dealing with on and off anxiety since 2010.<ee> <es>The anxiety comes and goes in waves and in episodes.<ee> <es>I get my worst when I'm stuck at home all day without anything to do, and if I'm alone.<ee> <es>I also have depression, which has made everything I try and do to divert my attention away from my anxiety not pleasurable.<ee> <es>Nothing is interesting.<ee> <es>On top of that, for some reason, everything I try and do to pass the time during the day now causes anxiety.<ee> <es>For example, right now, I'm home sick, and I'm trying to watch tv to pass the time, but for some reason, every tv show, every movie I watch, it's like it reminds me of something which caused anxiety.<ee> It's hard to describe. <es>I have nothing to do, nowhere to turn for comfort right now.<ee> <es>On top of that, my depression seems to be getting worse.<ee> <es>I keep thinking how bleak my future is.<ee> <efs>How alone I feel.<efe> How my entire life will be like this. <efs>I feel so hopeless and so devoid of happiness.<efe> <rs>Is this just depression, or is this just life?<re> <rs>If it's just life, I don't want it. <re> <es>Also, just as an FYI, I'm on medication and seeing a therapist.<ee> <es>I was put on Cipralex 2 years ago after some really bad anxiety, which helped for a bit, and then I added on Wellbutrin about 2 months ago after another bad bout of anxiety.<ee> <efs>The anxiety has subsided more or less, but recently, I feel very hopeless.<efe> <efs>The world seems very unpleasant and sad and full of anxiety.<efe> I don't know what to do anymore. <efs>My brain feels like a tornado of symptoms and feelings and thoughts, and I have such a hard time explaining whats going on.<efe> <efs>I post on reddit so often asking for help, because I just feel so alone in all this.<efe> <efs>I have my mom with me, but every time I feel bad, I feel super dependant on her.<efe> <es>When I get really anxious, I just can't be alone.<ee> <efs>I feel this overwhelming need to go to my mom and freak out.<efe> <es>And now all I'm thinking about is when she dies, how I won't have anyone I feel comfortable going to when I'm suffering. <ee> I don't know what to do. <es>I haven't felt comfort in so long.<ee> <es>I haven't felt happy in so long.<ee> <es>I haven't felt at peace in so long.<ee> <es>My body hasn't felt healthy in...ever.<ee> <efs>Im so scared and anxious.<efe> <rs>I need help.<re>
| 2
| 2
| 1
| null | null | null | null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
what would make you feel comfortable and happy
| null | true
| 221
|
erj88n
|
How to move on from ptsd, threats, and stalking
|
0
|
help-seeking
| 1
|
How do I stop feeling unsafe
How do I ever know he moved on and let it go
Cuz when the 2yr restraining order ended he sat by the hotel next to my work and stared at me relentlessly when iij took out trash
I think I see him but never know
Except when I have see men him, a little over a year ago. He walked by where i was eating. Probably coincidentally. But I don't know what he drives anymore
And when this extensions up...idk
How often do women get killed in things like this
Or is it just to scare and control
Cuz I still dream of my assassination
|
wastedkittycat
| 1
| 0
| 1
|
2020-01-20 20:36:29
|
domesticviolence
|
<rs>How to move on from ptsd, threats, and stalking <re> <efs>How do I stop feeling unsafe<efe> <rs>How do I ever know he moved on and let it go<re> <es>Cuz when the 2yr restraining order ended he sat by the hotel next to my work and stared at me relentlessly when iij took out trash<ee> <es>I think I see him but never know<ee> <es>Except when I have see men him, a little over a year ago.<ee> <es>He walked by where i was eating.<ee> <es>Probably coincidentally.<ee> <es>But I don't know what he drives anymore<ee> And when this extensions up...idk <rs>How often do women get killed in things like this<re> <rs>Or is it just to scare and control <re> <efs>Cuz I still dream of my assassination<efe>
| 1
| 2
| 2
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
the restraining order
| null | null | null | null | null | true
| 122
|
eko3y9
|
My struggles. Feeling completely alone and isolated.
|
1b
|
rant
| 2
|
So I’ve been in a really weird state for years now. When I was 14 I entered an abusive relationship with a 21 year old long distance, and ended up starting to become homeschooled and slowly not do my work until I dropped out. a year later we broke up, I never went back. my social anxiety got much worse, it’s been really hard to talk to people for a long time. fast forward Im 15-16 start dating this guy H who was perfect at first but slowly started becoming a monster. he showed so many red flags but I didn’t care because I was so lonely and desperate. he ruined my mental state, and the reason we broke up is he sexually assaulted my friend at my birthday party and I just couldn’t deal after that. during all that, my grandmother mental health arrested me because during my relationship with H I was having violent outbursts and breaking shit in the house. I was diagnosed with BPD, since then my life has changed. I’ve had symptoms growing up, but during my teen years it’s just worsened to no end. I’m almost 18 now, I dissociate constantly, because of my social anxiety I struggle to meet people and my BPD makes it hard to maintain relationships I already have. I have a partner who also has the same illness I have, it’s great because they’re the only person I know who understands and we aren’t toxic for each other. I’m slowly growing, but I feel like I’m at a halt too. I have not been able to make friends in years, the only people I’ve met have been through others. I feel like a failure for dropping out, I’m really confused on what I want to do with my life.. I don’t know who I am anymore. I feel like an empty shell. I tried holding a job at wendys and I just couldn’t do it, I had a panic attack every shift until I just quit. I want to be able to function like a normal human, but I don’t know if I ever will. I’ve been through a lot more, I have to deal with the trauma from past mental & physical abuse & also dealing with an extremely mentally ill family members all the time.. I feel like my brain is caving in. I tried to force myself into my partners friend group and now I feel like everyone just hates me. I tried too hard. I have no friends and I feel like weird good for nothing loser.
|
xosvain_
| 1
| 0
| 1
|
2020-01-06 03:30:05
|
mentalillness
|
<es>So I’ve been in a really weird state for years now.<ee> <es>When I was 14 I entered an abusive relationship with a 21 year old long distance, and ended up starting to become homeschooled and slowly not do my work until I dropped out.<ee> <es>a year later we broke up, I never went back.<ee> <es>my social anxiety got much worse, it’s been really hard to talk to people for a long time.<ee> <es>fast forward Im 15-16 start dating this guy H who was perfect at first but slowly started becoming a monster.<ee> <es><efs>he showed so many red flags but I didn’t care because I was so lonely and desperate.<efe><ee> <es>he ruined my mental state, and the reason we broke up is he sexually assaulted my friend at my birthday party and I just couldn’t deal after that.<ee> <es>during all that, my grandmother mental health arrested me because during my relationship with H I was having violent outbursts and breaking shit in the house.<ee> <es>I was diagnosed with BPD, since then my life has changed.<ee> <es>I’ve had symptoms growing up, but during my teen years it’s just worsened to no end.<ee> <efs>I’m almost 18 now, I dissociate constantly, because of my social anxiety I struggle to meet people and my BPD makes it hard to maintain relationships I already have.<efe> <es>I have a partner who also has the same illness I have, it’s great because they’re the only person I know who understands and we aren’t toxic for each other.<ee> <efs>I’m slowly growing, but I feel like I’m at a halt too.<efe> <es>I have not been able to make friends in years, the only people I’ve met have been through others.<ee> <efs>I feel like a failure for dropping out, I’m really confused on what I want to do with my life..<efe> I don’t know who I am anymore. <efs>I feel like an empty shell.<efe> <efs>I tried holding a job at wendys and I just couldn’t do it, I had a panic attack every shift until I just quit.<efe> <rs>I want to be able to function like a normal human, but I don’t know if I ever will.<re> <es>I’ve been through a lot more, I have to deal with the trauma from past mental & physical abuse & also dealing with an extremely mentally ill family members all the time..<ee <efs>I feel like my brain is caving in.<efe> <efs>I tried to force myself into my partners friend group and now I feel like everyone just hates me.<efe> I tried too hard. <efs>I have no friends and I feel like weird good for nothing loser.<efe>
| 2
| 2
| 1
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
what would help you with your loneliness
| null | true
| 221
|
eleke4
|
Dream worsening PTSD tw: abuse rape sexual assault
|
1b
|
rant
| 1
|
Background....My father was emotionally abusive towards my sister and me when we were growing up. He physically assaulted her (to this day I do not know the details). She told my mother about it and her answer was to make my 16 year old sister (at the time) confront him until his yelling made her back down and say she lied. I haven’t spoken to my parents since 10/27/18 and I have been on anti-anxiety and antidepressant meds since December of that year. I recently changed my meds and they have been making a world of difference. I still have symptoms of my PTSD from my father and another person who assaulted me...but overall I am doing better.
The dream...I don’t remember the set up of the dream but what I do remember is being sexually assaulted by my father with him groping my chest and fingering me and grabbing at my privates. All while my mother stood and watched. I am shaken and distraught and I have to leave for work in 5 minutes.
I hate that I am still triggered by these things and I really wish I didn’t have these dreams. I just needed to get this off my chest before I go to work so I can avoid having a full on breakdown in front of customers.
/vent
|
storeboughtserotonin
| 1
| 0
| 6
|
2020-01-07 17:26:03
|
ptsd
|
<es>Background....My father was emotionally abusive towards my sister and me when we were growing up.<ee> <es>He physically assaulted her (to this day I do not know the details).<ee> <es>She told my mother about it and her answer was to make my 16 year old sister (at the time) confront him until his yelling made her back down and say she lied.<ee> <es>I haven’t spoken to my parents since 10/27/18 and I have been on anti-anxiety and antidepressant meds since December of that year.<ee> <es>I recently changed my meds and they have been making a world of difference.<ee> <efs>I still have symptoms of my PTSD from my father and another person who assaulted me...but overall I am doing better.<efe> <es>The dream...I don’t remember the set up of the dream but what I do remember is being sexually assaulted by my father with him groping my chest and fingering me and grabbing at my privates.<ee> <es>All while my mother stood and watched.<ee> <efs>I am shaken and distraught and I have to leave for work in 5 minutes. <efe> <efs>I hate that I am still triggered by these things and I really wish I didn’t have these dreams.<efe> <rs>I just needed to get this off my chest before I go to work so I can avoid having a full on breakdown in front of customers. <re> /vent
| 2
| 2
| 2
| null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true
| 222
|
eng0td
|
Does trauma make you want to be alone?
|
1a
|
survey
| 1
|
I've had severe PTSD since childhood. Over the last ten years especially my life has been hell on earth for the most part. I've faced unemployment, financial hardship, workplace bullying, the demise of several important relationships, living environments not working out, physical assault and the worst was enduring a complete emotional collapse which lead to me having to quit my job and move back in with my parents. As part of my recovery I've had to speak some very firm truths to people and I've seen significant fallout from that.
Things have settled down over the last few years but I think it's all just caught up with me over the last year or two and I just want to be alone all of the time (my partner being the exception). I no longer answer phone calls, reply to texts or respond to Facebook messages because I just dont have the energy. I can't help the way I feel and its showing no signs of improving.
Is this normal?
Thanks.
|
DarkLord84
| 1
| 0
| 5
|
2020-01-12 00:28:46
|
ptsd
|
<es>I've had severe PTSD since childhood.<ee> <es>Over the last ten years especially my life has been hell on earth for the most part.<ee> <es>I've faced unemployment, financial hardship, workplace bullying, the demise of several important relationships, living environments not working out, physical assault and the worst was enduring a complete emotional collapse which lead to me having to quit my job and move back in with my parents.<ee> <es>As part of my recovery I've had to speak some very firm truths to people and I've seen significant fallout from that.<ee> <es>Things have settled down over the last few years but I think it's all just caught up with me over the last year or two and I just want to be alone all of the time (my partner being the exception).<ee> <es>I no longer answer phone calls, reply to texts or respond to Facebook messages because I just dont have the energy.<ee> <efs>I can't help the way I feel and its showing no signs of improving.<efe> <rs>Is this normal?<re> Thanks.
| 2
| 1
| 1
| null | null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
how your PTSD makes you feel
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
what would help you feel better
| null | true
| 211
|
eix5of
|
Haven’t cut myself in 9 days!!
|
1a
|
chitchat
| 1
|
I was clean for exactly a month on dec 23rd, but on the 24rd of december i had a small relapse.
But today ive been clean again for 9 days! Hopefully 2020 will bring me great moments and a healing year.
I also want you guys to know that a relapse sucks, but it is just a bump in the road. Youll get there.
Happy new year!
|
LizZLe_
| 1
| 0
| 3
|
2020-01-02 11:32:57
|
selfharm
|
<es>I was clean for exactly a month on dec 23rd, but on the 24rd of december i had a small relapse. <ee> <es>But today ive been clean again for 9 days!<ee> Hopefully 2020 will bring me great moments and a healing year. I also want you guys to know that a relapse sucks, but it is just a bump in the road. Youll get there. Happy new year!
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
what made you relapse
|
How did X make you feel?
|
the relapse
|
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you had a small relapse just before the new year
| null | true
| 100
|
eky29h
|
Blushed really bad at work today due to colleagues making me uncomfortable and nasty to me, I feel so embarrassed :/
|
1b
|
rant
| 2
|
So I stuck up for this girl and risked my own job to help her against a bullying manager and yet she turned on me today and effectively tried bullying me. So in front of the whole room along with her friend tried making me feel so small, why are you not getting the user a chair? Even though there was a chair about a meter away, then said things like I bet you wont even open the door for her when she leaves and why didnt you fix the issue even though originally this was HER user before xmas which she didnt fix so I stepped in and tried helping cos I am a nice person.
This caused me to blush a little which then they picked up and started shouting HAHAHA "jack" (changed name) why are you going red, omg look at him go red which of course made me go bright red and I felt really hot, started sweating in front of all the users, it was so embarrassing and I can't stop thinking about it.
My mental health is not great as it is, suffer with really bad anxiety and dont need this added stress on top. Its really not nice.
|
sm243
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
2020-01-06 18:29:35
|
socialanxiety
|
So I stuck up for this girl and risked my own job to help her against a bullying manager and yet she turned on me today and effectively tried bullying me. So in front of the whole room along with her friend tried making me feel so small, why are you not getting the user a chair? Even though there was a chair about a meter away, then said things like I bet you wont even open the door for her when she leaves and why didnt you fix the issue even though originally this was HER user before xmas which she didnt fix so I stepped in and tried helping cos I am a nice person. This caused me to blush a little which then they picked up and started shouting HAHAHA "jack" (changed name) why are you going red, omg look at him go red which of course made me go bright red and I felt really hot, started sweating in front of all the users, it was so embarrassing and I can't stop thinking about it. My mental health is not great as it is, suffer with really bad anxiety and dont need this added stress on top. Its really not nice.
| 0
| 0
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
repeat of prev
| true
| 0
|
em7983
|
Recovering alcoholic president
|
1a
|
rant
| 2
|
I don’t think I could ever be the president. I have a clean as heck record and sober very young. However- Iran starts acting up? Let me run this by my sponsor real quick. HP where ya at? How we dealing with global warming today? It’s too much blurred lines of what I can control and what I cannot control.
Long story short: I am not wise enough to know the difference on a global stage and I love my sponsor.
|
fitsobershit
| 1
| 0
| 4
|
2020-01-09 09:16:40
|
alcoholicsanonymous
|
<es>Recovering alcoholic president<ee> <es>I don’t think I could ever be the president.<ee> <es>I have a clean as heck record and sober very young.<ee> <es>However- Iran starts acting up?<ee> <es>Let me run this by my sponsor real quick.<ee> <es>HP where ya at?<ee> <es>How we dealing with global warming today?<ee> <es>It’s too much blurred lines of what I can control and what I cannot control. <ee> <es>Long story short: I am not wise enough to know the difference on a global stage and I love my sponsor.<ee>
| 2
| 0
| 0
| null | null |
How did X make you feel?
|
stopping drinking alcohol
|
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you don't think you could ever be the president
| null | true
| 200
|
eu083d
|
Update
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 2
|
Idk who's seen my last couple posts I made but I finally left. Today I was supposed to work 9-4 but I called the office and told them I've been in an abusive relationship and needed to get out and she excused me at noon, told me do what I gotta do. My bf wasn't at the house and I had all my clothes, my laptop, my ds, and so much of my art supplies over there. I went up to the police station and asked them to come to the house with me just in case and they told me they would have to have his permission and him be on the property for them to come along. So my parents and I went over to his house without the helpless fucking cops and we got all my shit out of there and went straight to the phone company to change my number. And I have gotten a few new accounts he made on snapchat try to add me but otherwise he cant get ahold of me. He doesnt know my new number, and I have no other social medias because he made me delete them all. So I blocked his new snapchats he made. And now I'm just chilling at home with my parents. The good feeling of leaving is starting to disappear and now it's starting to sink in. Him and I have this weird spiritual connection in a way that's hard to explain because hes been cumming inside of me ever since the first time we've had sex and we are both spiritual people. But I have been feeling him thinking and obsessing over me.. and I can feel his sadness and feelings in a way. But I can also feel his anger he has towards me. So I dont have the desire to go back, but this is the first night in 7 months I'm sleeping alone after having him by my side every night. Its gonna be hard. And what sucks even more is its gonna suck for a while... I just feel really sad it had to end this way, I didnt get any closure because the last time I saw him I didnt even have the thought of leaving him in my head. I just thought up this idea at work this morning and took action. And it needed to happen, I'm not saying it didnt need to happen. But this is going to be a really hard couple of days and I need the support and strength anywhere I can find it. Please give me advice on how to stay busy enough to where I wont unblock him on snapchat or do something stupid. I'm trying to stay away from drinking any alcohol too because I'm a recovered alcoholic and I dont wanna refrain back to my old ways because of this situation. But I want a fucking drink so bad. Any good advice out there, i sure could use it.
|
hotpockeys
| 1
| 0
| 12
|
2020-01-26 01:46:05
|
domesticviolence
|
<es>Idk who's seen my last couple posts I made but I finally left.<ee> <es>Today I was supposed to work 9-4 but I called the office and told them I've been in an abusive relationship and needed to get out and she excused me at noon, told me do what I gotta do.<ee> <es>My bf wasn't at the house and I had all my clothes, my laptop, my ds, and so much of my art supplies over there.<ee> <es>I went up to the police station and asked them to come to the house with me just in case and they told me they would have to have his permission and him be on the property for them to come along.<ee> <es>So my parents and I went over to his house without the helpless fucking cops and we got all my shit out of there and went straight to the phone company to change my number.<ee> <es>And I have gotten a few new accounts he made on snapchat try to add me but otherwise he cant get ahold of me.<ee> <es>He doesnt know my new number, and I have no other social medias because he made me delete them all.<ee> <es>So I blocked his new snapchats he made.<ee> <es>And now I'm just chilling at home with my parents.<ee> <efs>The good feeling of leaving is starting to disappear and now it's starting to sink in.<efe> <es>Him and I have this weird spiritual connection in a way that's hard to explain because hes been cumming inside of me ever since the first time we've had sex and we are both spiritual people.<ee> <efs>But I have been feeling him thinking and obsessing over me.. and I can feel his sadness and feelings in a way.<efe> <efs>But I can also feel his anger he has towards me.<efe> <es>So I dont have the desire to go back, but this is the first night in 7 months I'm sleeping alone after having him by my side every night.<ee> <es>Its gonna be hard.<ee> <efs>And what sucks even more is its gonna suck for a while... I just feel really sad it had to end this way, I didnt get any closure because the last time I saw him I didnt even have the thought of leaving him in my head.<efe> <es>I just thought up this idea at work this morning and took action.<ee> <es>And it needed to happen, I'm not saying it didnt need to happen.<ee> <rs>But this is going to be a really hard couple of days and I need the support and strength anywhere I can find it.<re> <rs>Please give me advice on how to stay busy enough to where I wont unblock him on snapchat or do something stupid.<re> <es>I'm trying to stay away from drinking any alcohol too because I'm a recovered alcoholic and I dont wanna refrain back to my old ways because of this situation.<ee> <es>But I want a fucking drink so bad.<ee> <rs>Any good advice out there, i sure could use it.<re>
| 2
| 2
| 2
| null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true
| 222
|
eop15n
|
Another day, another wishing I was born female
|
0
|
chitchat
| 1
|
Then my rape might have been believed, then maybe people would give a shit, maybe people would give me value other than broken goods. If you want to get help as male victim, pray you are attractive otherwise life ain't worth it
|
BramplePatch
| 1
| 0
| 9
|
2020-01-14 18:17:33
|
rapecounseling
|
<rs>Another day, another wishing I was born female<re> <es>Then my rape might have been believed, then maybe people would give a shit, maybe people would give me value other than broken goods.<ee> If you want to get help as male victim, pray you are attractive otherwise life ain't worth it
| 2
| 0
| 1
| null | null |
How did X make you feel?
|
the incident
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
what would help you deal with the trauma
| null | true
| 201
|
ei7s3s
|
If things don't get better, I'll kill myself on my 18th birthday.
|
0
|
rant
| 1
|
I've just made the decision. Almost everything's shit right now and if it doesn't improve till then, I'll do it. I've already made a plan. Right when the clock strikes midnight on the 28th June, I'll post an Instagram story containing a video of me and a rope, waving goodbye with the caption "Happy 18th Birthday to me" and then hang myself. It makes me lowkey sad but I think it's a good choice.
Edit: I'm just unsure whether to do it at Midnight or the actual minute I was born (around 1 or 2 pm).
|
jenniferkathleeen
| 1
| 0
| 5
|
2019-12-31 19:44:14
|
depression
|
I've just made the decision. <es>Almost everything's shit right now and if it doesn't improve till then, I'll do it.<ee> I've already made a plan. Right when the clock strikes midnight on the 28th June, I'll post an Instagram story containing a video of me and a rope, waving goodbye with the caption "Happy 18th Birthday to me" and then hang myself. It makes me lowkey sad but I think it's a good choice. Edit: I'm just unsure whether to do it at Midnight or the actual minute I was born (around 1 or 2 pm).
| 2
| 1
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
how you feel on taking this decision
|
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you are having suicidal thoughts
|
corrected,suicide
| true
| 210
|
fdvhqi
|
Getting over it when nothing's going to change?
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 1
|
I have a job and an apartment. I get up every day and go to work. Come home, eat dinner, try to work out, and go to bed. On the weekends I go out to restaurants or movies with friends. My grandmother is losing herself slowly and painfully to Parkinson's and my father and I never talk. Mom is nearly 30 years dead. Some of my friends are having kids and disappearing out of my life (no shade thrown. If you're gonna parent, do it right), some aren't. Some have great jobs that pay well and they love, some are still struggling to get by. One friend killed himself last summer. My boyfriend and I have mediocre sex once or twice a month and we always try to pretend everything's ok. So you know. Winning.
All in all, I live a very normal life. The only thing that's different is that I want to die every day. I wish I'd never been born. I don't see the point in living. I don't enjoy much of it, and I'm just going to get old and die and watch every else die too.
I was talking to my therapist about how life feels pointless and repetitive and she asked what I could do to change that. I laughed and said "I don't know. See a therapist?"
She talked to me about the stop sign thing for ruminating, but what thoughts am I supposed to replace it with when I'm lying in bed at 2am dreading the next day? I am in fact going to go to work, come home, make dinner, sorta exercise, and go to bed. That's what life is and it really isn't going to change until I'm dead.
And I don't enjoy it.
|
meadowcap
| 1
| 0
| 3
|
2020-03-05 13:49:07
|
getting_over_it
|
<es>I have a job and an apartment.<ee> <es>I get up every day and go to work.<ee> <es>Come home, eat dinner, try to work out, and go to bed.<ee> <es>On the weekends I go out to restaurants or movies with friends.<ee> <es>My grandmother is losing herself slowly and painfully to Parkinson's and my father and I never talk.<ee> <es>Mom is nearly 30 years dead.<ee> <es>Some of my friends are having kids and disappearing out of my life (no shade thrown. If you're gonna parent, do it right), some aren't.<ee> <es>Some have great jobs that pay well and they love, some are still struggling to get by.<ee> <es>One friend killed himself last summer.<ee> <es>My boyfriend and I have mediocre sex once or twice a month and we always try to pretend everything's ok.<ee> So you know. Winning. <es>All in all, I live a very normal life.<ee> <efs>The only thing that's different is that I want to die every day.<efe> <efs>I wish I'd never been born.<efe> <efs>I don't see the point in living.<efe> <es>I don't enjoy much of it, and I'm just going to get old and die and watch every else die too.<ee> <es>I was talking to my therapist about how life feels pointless and repetitive and she asked what I could do to change that.<ee> I laughed and said "I don't know. See a therapist?" <es>She talked to me about the stop sign thing for ruminating, but what thoughts am I supposed to replace it with when I'm lying in bed at 2am dreading the next day?<ee> <es>I am in fact going to go to work, come home, make dinner, sorta exercise, and go to bed.<ee> <es>That's what life is and it really isn't going to change until I'm dead.<ee> <es>And I don't enjoy it.<ee>
| 2
| 2
| 0
| null | null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you are unable to enjoy your life
| null | true
| 220
|
eihfom
|
I CAN’T FOLLOW THROUGH ON NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS AND IT MAKES ME SO ANGRY!!
|
1a
|
rant
| 1
|
ADHD is the fucking WORST because I swear this shit makes me start up right back where I started as a disorganized mess who doesn’t look like they try hard enough in school or their work and I can’t STICK to anything because I lose motivation and interest halfway through!!!!!!
It is potentially the most frustrating experience on the entire planet because I know this disorder is a part of me that doesn’t seem to change. Meaning I will be like this probably the rest of my life with or without the efforts to change my ways. 2020 is off to a great start for me!
|
halfasianidiot
| 1
| 0
| 7
|
2020-01-01 11:28:40
|
ADHD
|
<es>I CAN’T FOLLOW THROUGH ON NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS<ee> <efs>IT MAKES ME SO ANGRY!!<efe> <es>ADHD is the fucking WORST because I swear this shit makes me start up right back where I started as a disorganized mess who doesn’t look like they try hard enough in school or their work and I can’t STICK to anything because I lose motivation and interest halfway through!!!!!!<ee> <efs>It is potentially the most frustrating experience on the entire planet because I know this disorder is a part of me that doesn’t seem to change.<efe> <es>Meaning I will be like this probably the rest of my life with or without the efforts to change my ways.<ee> 2020 is off to a great start for me!
| 1
| 2
| 0
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
your new year's resolutions
| null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you lose motivation and interest easily
| null | true
| 120
|
eisxnj
|
I desperately need help
|
1b
|
help-seeking
| 1
|
I am 17 years old and I never had a girlfriend up until 2 weeks ago, well now that I have a girlfriend I feel like shit more than I ever have. It’s not that she doesn’t make me happy, but she also makes me feel like an absolute piece of shit unintentionally. She just seems to have such a fun life and she has so many friends and family, she has a lot of people in her life. As for me, I have absolute shit, all my family is gone and live elsewhere and I am basically nobody. I have no friends, I have no followers on social media, I have no fun memories to show her and she shows me how much fun she has and had. I have nothing and I don’t want her to know that. I just feel like she won’t like me for very long, I look at myself as such a boring person and nobody likes that, people like to have fun. Well shit I don’t even have family to have fun with, it’s just bothering me so much I am so lost I don’t know what to do.
|
sadsoul102
| 1
| 0
| 2
|
2020-01-02 03:56:53
|
socialanxiety
|
<es>I am 17 years old and I never had a girlfriend up until 2 weeks ago,<ee> <efs>well now that I have a girlfriend I feel like shit more than I ever have.<efe> <efs>It’s not that she doesn’t make me happy, but she also makes me feel like an absolute piece of shit unintentionally.<efe> <es>She just seems to have such a fun life and she has so many friends and family, she has a lot of people in her life.<ee> <es>As for me, I have absolute shit, all my family is gone and live elsewhere and I am basically nobody.<ee> <es>I have no friends, I have no followers on social media, I have no fun memories to show her and she shows me how much fun she has and had.<ee> <es>I have nothing and I don’t want her to know that.<ee> <efs>I just feel like she won’t like me for very long, I look at myself as such a boring person and nobody likes that, people like to have fun.<efe> <es>Well shit I don’t even have family to have fun with, it’s just bothering me so much I am so lost I don’t know what to do.<ee>
| 2
| 2
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you feel envious of your girlfriend's life
| null | true
| 220
|
eo0pbu
|
Want to be alone.
|
0
|
help-seeking
| 1
|
A few of you probably relate to this, but sometimes I just need to be alone. No people. Just me. A book maybe, some telly, not sure, but certainly no people. I can’t predict when these phases will be needed but I’m unfortunately in one now and I have a friend visiting me from home (I’m in uni across the country so she can’t just quickly pop back with ease). She’s staying at my flat with me, sharing my bed and room, and she leaves tomorrow but for the past two days and today still I’m just silently wishing she leaves ASAP. I’m socially exhausted from having to interact with people and I just need a way to cope for the rest of her time here. Any advice? Tah
|
elloryember
| 1
| 0
| 5
|
2020-01-13 07:01:29
|
selfhelp
|
<rs>A few of you probably relate to this, but sometimes I just need to be alone.<re> <rs>No people.<re> <rs>Just me.<re> <rs>A book maybe, some telly, not sure, but certainly no people.<re> <es>I can’t predict when these phases will be needed but I’m unfortunately in one now and I have a friend visiting me from home (I’m in uni across the country so she can’t just quickly pop back with ease).<ee> <es>She’s staying at my flat with me, sharing my bed and room, and she leaves tomorrow but for the past two days and today still I’m just silently wishing she leaves ASAP.<ee> <efs>I’m socially exhausted from having to interact with people.<efe> <rs>I just need a way to cope for the rest of her time here.<re> <rs>Any advice?<re> Tah
| 1
| 2
| 2
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
why you are exhausted from interacting with poeple
| null | null | null | null | null | true
| 122
|
ekh0tr
|
Roommate reminds me of past abuser
|
1b
|
help-seeking
| 1
|
I was mentally and physically abused by my father until I moved out. I am now seeing help from my psychiatrist and got diagnosed with PTSD. I moved away and got married, now we live with my husband his brother in a house. The problem is that he is as abusive as my dad was. He constantly reminds me of him and my past trauma. We really want to move out, but don’t have the money at the moment. I am just really really struggling with everything. My school is suffering, and my marriage is too. I could move out myself and live alone, which is actually starting to sound like a good idea now. Any tips?
|
ForBamse
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
2020-01-05 18:40:30
|
ptsd
|
<es>I was mentally and physically abused by my father until I moved out.<ee> <es>I am now seeing help from my psychiatrist and got diagnosed with PTSD.<ee> <es>I moved away and got married, now we live with my husband his brother in a house.<ee> <es>The problem is that he is as abusive as my dad was.<ee> <es>He constantly reminds me of him and my past trauma.<ee> <es>We really want to move out, but don’t have the money at the moment.<ee> <es>I am just really really struggling with everything.<ee> <efs>My school is suffering, and my marriage is too.<efe> <es>I could move out myself and live alone, which is actually starting to sound like a good idea now.<ee> <rs>Any tips?<re>
| 2
| 0
| 2
| null | null |
How did X make you feel?
|
your abusive husband
| null | null | null | true
| 202
|
eigk4e
|
Best friend with BPD
|
0
|
help-seeking
| 2
|
Hey everyone, me again. So I’ve recently reconciled with my best friend after a few months of not speaking, during the time that we weren’t speaking she finally got some answers about her mental health and that was that she in fact has BPD. I’m looking at sending her a gift, one because I miss her so terribly and also because I want her to know that I’m on board and that I am here for her. (Things didn’t end nicely between us and I hurt her.) She’s also explained to me that I am her ‘FP’ and that she doesn’t want to scare me off, but she wanted me to know this if we were going to be on speaking terms again. I’ve made a post about that already and I’ve learnt a lot about what that means for someone with BPD. I wanted to do her something such as a wellbeing box, journals, etc. Things I know she is using at the moment that she enjoys. But is there anything in particular you think would make a really nice gift in general?
|
mamaofboys_
| 1
| 0
| 4
|
2020-01-01 09:27:41
|
BPD
|
Hey everyone, me again. <es>So I’ve recently reconciled with my best friend after a few months of not speaking, during the time that we weren’t speaking she finally got some answers about her mental health and that was that she in fact has BPD.<ee> <efs>I’m looking at sending her a gift, one because I miss her so terribly and also because I want her to know that I’m on board and that I am here for her.<efe> <es>(Things didn’t end nicely between us and I hurt her.)<ee> <es>She’s also explained to me that I am her ‘FP’ and that she doesn’t want to scare me off, but she wanted me to know this if we were going to be on speaking terms again.<ee> <es>I’ve made a post about that already and I’ve learnt a lot about what that means for someone with BPD.<ee> <rs>I wanted to do her something such as a wellbeing box, journals, etc.<re> <rs>Things I know she is using at the moment that she enjoys.<re> <rs>But is there anything in particular you think would make a really nice gift in general?<re>
| 2
| 2
| 2
| null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true
| 222
|
eznf9x
|
His fish committed suicide after only one day
|
0
|
help-seeking
| 2
|
So I have survived two violent relationships and am starting to date again after a good couple years of abstinence. I know all the warning signs and my self esteem is better. I am worried I might be on the verge of another abusive relationship.
Went on dates with a truly professional musician who used to be in the military. He is very intense. Doesn’t after let me
Talk as
Much as he does and if we digress then he raises his voice a tiny bit but I can sense
Hidden anger. Not sure if because of military or if just him. He said he loved me on third date. He gave me a key to his place after 1 wk. he doesn’t make me laugh because I honestly don’t think he knows how to himself. I literally asked him to learn a joke. He calls me twice a day (a bit much for me but not a stalker vibe). He only ever wants to talk about “us” our future, me moving in,
If I don’t see him for a few days he is convinced we are breaking up. I tried to tell him it’s because I was on my period. Not a lie. We literally never have light hearted conversations but I like his soul. He volunteers. He reads a lot and follows the news. He writes songs and music. He isn’t self centered. We went to fish store and he bought his daughter a decent aquarium and a beta fish. He set it up correctly but the fish killed him self..... he jumped out of tank but with bad luck he was able to slide the lid enough to get completely out and died on the floor. I can’t help but wonder, is this a sign?? I am not a person to believe in these things but he is so crazy intense and I know that many men that have violent tendencies are too. I often avoid his texts and calls because they are just too much too fast. A 5 minute voicemail all about how much he loves me and how he is nothing like those “other guys”. If I don’t return his call immediately he is convinced I am breaking up with him. Sometimes I make any excuse to get out of the apartment just for a breather from talking about so many heavy topics. My experience is when someone has to tell you what they aren’t generally they are that way. Ie if a guy keeps telling you he is faithful, usually he isn’t.
|
deedee705
| 1
| 0
| 18
|
2020-02-06 05:21:10
|
domesticviolence
|
<es>So I have survived two violent relationships and am starting to date again after a good couple years of abstinence.<ee> <es>I know all the warning signs and my self esteem is better.<ee> <efs>I am worried I might be on the verge of another abusive relationship.<efe> <es>Went on dates with a truly professional musician who used to be in the military.<ee> <es>He is very intense.<ee> <es>Doesn’t after let me Talk as Much as he does and if we digress then he raises his voice a tiny bit but I can sense Hidden anger.<ee> <es>Not sure if because of military or if just him.<ee> <es>He said he loved me on third date.<ee> <es>He gave me a key to his place after 1 wk.<ee> <es>he doesn’t make me laugh because I honestly don’t think he knows how to himself.<ee> <es>I literally asked him to learn a joke.<ee> <es>He calls me twice a day (a bit much for me but not a stalker vibe).<ee> <es>He only ever wants to talk about “us” our future, me moving in.<ee> <es>If I don’t see him for a few days he is convinced we are breaking up.<ee> <es>I tried to tell him it’s because I was on my period.<ee> <es>Not a lie.<ee> <es>We literally never have light hearted conversations but I like his soul.<ee> <es>He volunteers.<ee> <es>He reads a lot and follows the news.<ee> <es>He writes songs and music.<ee> <es>He isn’t self centered.<ee> <es>We went to fish store and he bought his daughter a decent aquarium and a beta fish.<ee> <es>He set it up correctly but the fish killed him self..... he jumped out of tank but with bad luck he was able to slide the lid enough to get completely out and died on the floor. I can’t help but wonder, is this a sign??<ee> <es>I am not a person to believe in these things but he is so crazy intense and I know that many men that have violent tendencies are too.<ee> <es>I often avoid his texts and calls because they are just too much too fast.<ee> <es>A 5 minute voicemail all about how much he loves me and how he is nothing like those “other guys”. <ee> <es> If I don’t return his call immediately he is convinced I am breaking up with him.<ee> <es>Sometimes I make any excuse to get out of the apartment just for a breather from talking about so many heavy topics.<ee> <es>My experience is when someone has to tell you what they aren’t generally they are that way.<ee> <es>Ie if a guy keeps telling you he is faithful, usually he isn’t.<ee>
| 2
| 1
| 0
| null | null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
how you feel about your boyfriend
|
What do you need help with now that X?
|
your boyfriend has violent tendencies
| null | true
| 210
|
erkn7q
|
Taking care of yourself starts with your morning, having the best morning routine to set you up for success is crucial. Here's a video I think will help you create a successful morning routine.
|
0
|
chitchat
| 1
| null |
Troller97
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
2020-01-20 22:12:24
|
selfhelp
| null | 0
| 0
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
positive
| true
| 0
|
elou4o
|
Anniversary of my rape
|
1b
|
rant
| 1
|
The day I got raped is coming up... And I have been feeling like shit as the memories that I've been hiding is coming back plus my family is stressing me out they're over religious and its driving me mad with their lunatic way of showing their beliefs and it only affects me even more when my mind overall is not at ease.
|
Ladyshalltear1
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
2020-01-08 06:16:50
|
rapecounseling
|
<es>The day I got raped is coming up...<ee> <efs>And I have been feeling like shit as the memories that I've been hiding is coming back plus my family is stressing me out they're over religious and its driving me mad with their lunatic way of showing their beliefs and it only affects me even more when my mind overall is not at ease.<efe>
| 2
| 2
| 0
| null | null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
the anniversary of you rape has triggered you
| null | true
| 220
|
eo6dwu
|
You know how I know I'm sober? Music.
|
0
|
rant
| 1
|
I just fookin cried at the end of Maroon 5's "Girl Like You Video" when he hugged his wife and daughter. I know I'm sober when I cry happy tears over music and movies.
I hate it, being sober, but I also love it. I hate being emotionally raw and sensitive. But I also love that I can cry and feel again.
Now I'm gonna go listen to some Avicii and cry again. Good morning world.
|
Google_1t
| 1
| 0
| 9
|
2020-01-13 16:29:07
|
OpiatesRecovery
|
I just fookin cried at the end of Maroon 5's "Girl Like You Video" when he hugged his wife and daughter. I know I'm sober when I cry happy tears over music and movies. I hate it, being sober, but I also love it. I hate being emotionally raw and sensitive. But I also love that I can cry and feel again. Now I'm gonna go listen to some Avicii and cry again. Good morning world.
| 0
| 0
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true
| 0
|
elqlcb
|
Life with ptsd sucks pretty hard
|
1a
|
rant
| 1
|
I really hate having ptsd and I don't feel like I can say I have PTSD because I haven't served in the military I've witnessed abuse throughout my childhood but I dont think that's why I have PTSD but jesus being homeless when I was 16 really messed with me and I don't know how to Express what it put me through afterwards because in the moments of being homeless yeah it sucked it was hard whatever it was hell after I was homeless because It felt like i was still there because everynow and then I'd look up or around me and everything was like it was when I was homeless for a split second I felt that dread and I hate and hated it
|
godwashere777
| 1
| 0
| 2
|
2020-01-08 09:37:35
|
ptsd
|
<es>I really hate having ptsd and I don't feel like I can say I have PTSD because I haven't served in the military I've witnessed abuse throughout my childhood but I dont think that's why I have PTSD but jesus being homeless when I was 16 really messed with me.<ee> <es>I don't know how to Express what it put me through afterwards because in the moments of being homeless yeah it sucked it was hard whatever it was hell after I was homeless.<ee> <efs>It felt like i was still there because everynow and then I'd look up or around me and everything was like it was when I was homeless for a split second I felt that dread and I hate and hated it.<efe>
| 2
| 2
| 0
| null | null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you dread being homeless again
| null | true
| 220
|
eizvxn
|
Does anyone have any advice on or experience with ADHD and the ADA Act for workplace "reasonable accomodations?"
|
1b
|
help-seeking
| 2
|
I have been wondering if anyone has spoken with their HR and/or had any experience with their job accomodating them for their ADHD. Under the ADA, ADHD qualifies and i was wondering if anyone has any input on it...good or bad. Im a nurse so we do a lot of charting and every once in a while i will get a terrible shift where i just cant keep up and am stuck at the end of my shift with all my charting which is made IMPOSSIBLE by the combo of my meds wearing off and all of the stimulation at the nurses station (coworkers, patients, bells, noises, etc). I was thinking if on those days i could have somewhere quiet to retreat to chart where im not bothered or have crazy amounts of external stimuli then i could focus on my charting and get out. I tried talking to my boss but she simply dismissed me and said i wasnt "following policy" by not charting in real time (which i get is ideal but some shifts impossible) and she doesnt have anywhere "quiet" for me to chart (not true they just dont want nurses to chart those areas). So i talked to my dr who will write me a letter to take to HR saying i need a "quiet space" bc of my ADHD to chart. Anyone have any thoughts? I dont want to be a target but at the same time i would REALLY like to get out more on time and to do that i need a quiet place to chart (of note my boss is retiring next week so i was thinking of just following up after she retires so as to ruffle less feathers maybe?)
|
traumajunkie46
| 1
| 0
| 1
|
2020-01-02 15:51:36
|
ADHD
|
<rs>I have been wondering if anyone has spoken with their HR and/or had any experience with their job accomodating them for their ADHD.<re> <rs>Under the ADA, ADHD qualifies and i was wondering if anyone has any input on it...good or bad.<re> <es>Im a nurse so we do a lot of charting and every once in a while i will get a terrible shift where i just cant keep up and am stuck at the end of my shift with all my charting which is made IMPOSSIBLE by the combo of my meds wearing off and all of the stimulation at the nurses station (coworkers, patients, bells, noises, etc).<ee> <es>I was thinking if on those days i could have somewhere quiet to retreat to chart where im not bothered or have crazy amounts of external stimuli then i could focus on my charting and get out.<ee> <es>I tried talking to my boss but she simply dismissed me and said i wasnt "following policy" by not charting in real time (which i get is ideal but some shifts impossible) and she doesnt have anywhere "quiet" for me to chart (not true they just dont want nurses to chart those areas).<ee> <es>So i talked to my dr who will write me a letter to take to HR saying i need a "quiet space" bc of my ADHD to chart.<ee> <rs>Anyone have any thoughts?<re> <rs>I dont want to be a target but at the same time i would REALLY like to get out more on time and to do that i need a quiet place to chart (of note my boss is retiring next week so i was thinking of just following up after she retires so as to ruffle less feathers maybe?)<re>
| 2
| 0
| 2
| null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true
| 202
|
eifj6x
|
Need a hug
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 1
|
I am feeling anxious for no reason.
Don't know how to deal with it. I skipped all my classes today.
I want to make friends but I don't know how to do it.
There's nothing really interesting about me, I am not really good at anything. I am getting all these negative thoughts right now and I don't know how to deal with them right now.
|
nilaa_1207
| 1
| 0
| 3
|
2020-01-01 07:14:42
|
Anxiety
|
<efs>I am feeling anxious for no reason.<efe> Don't know how to deal with it. <efs>I skipped all my classes today. <efe> <es>I want to make friends but I don't know how to do it.<ee> <es>There's nothing really interesting about me, I am not really good at anything.<ee> <es>I am getting all these negative thoughts right now and I don't know how to deal with them right now.<ee>
| 2
| 1
| 0
| null | null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
how the negative thoughts made you feel
|
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you are unable to deal with your negative thoughts
| null | true
| 210
|
em1izw
|
Struggling to Gain Weight
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 2
|
Okay so I know this seems like a silly question but I am legitimately seeking advice. Prior to becoming addicted to oxy and then fentanyl I weighed between 120-130 pounds (I’m a 5’1 woman). During my addiction I dropped to 102 pounds. I figured once I got clean I would start packing back on the pounds, especially since I am taking methadone, however I simply cannot gain weight and I look horrible. My butt is sagging. My ribs and hip bones protrude. I’m so bony sex is uncomfortable. I used to love my body and worked hard to look good.
I’m eating as much as I can but I never have an appetite. Eating is so difficult and unappealing to me. I smoke a ton of weed too and that is really the only time I ever have an appetite. I’m trying to supplement my diet with protein shakes but I’m coming up on two months clean and haven’t gained a single pound.
My questions are as follows:
1. Can anyone relate and if so, how did you gain weight?
2. Did you also struggle with lack of appetite?
3. Was there a magic trick that worked for you? Any specific fatty food that was easy to eat in abundance?
4. Any advice at all that you can give me?
Honestly y’all I feel so stupid asking but I am grasping here. I could go days without touching food if I didn’t force myself. This cannot be normal. Right?
|
mysetofstars
| 1
| 0
| 10
|
2020-01-09 00:17:52
|
OpiatesRecovery
|
<rs>Okay so I know this seems like a silly question but I am legitimately seeking advice.<re> <es>Prior to becoming addicted to oxy and then fentanyl I weighed between 120-130 pounds (I’m a 5’1 woman).<ee> <es>During my addiction I dropped to 102 pounds.<ee> <es>I figured once I got clean I would start packing back on the pounds, especially since I am taking methadone, however I simply cannot gain weight and I look horrible.<ee> <es>My butt is sagging.<ee> <es>My ribs and hip bones protrude.<ee> <efs>I’m so bony sex is uncomfortable.<efe> <es>I used to love my body and worked hard to look good. <ee> <es>I’m eating as much as I can but I never have an appetite.<ee> <efs>Eating is so difficult and unappealing to me.<efe> <es>I smoke a ton of weed too and that is really the only time I ever have an appetite.<ee> <es>I’m trying to supplement my diet with protein shakes but I’m coming up on two months clean and haven’t gained a single pound. <ee> <rs>My questions are as follows: 1. Can anyone relate and if so, how did you gain weight? 2. Did you also struggle with lack of appetite? 3. Was there a magic trick that worked for you? Any specific fatty food that was easy to eat in abundance? 4. Any advice at all that you can give me?<re> <efs>Honestly y’all I feel so stupid asking but I am grasping here.<efe> <es>I could go days without touching food if I didn’t force myself.<ee> <es>This cannot be normal.<ee> Right?
| 2
| 1
| 2
| null | null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
how eating makes you feel
| null | null | null | true
| 212
|
eienq2
|
Struggling W/New Years
|
1a
|
rant
| 1
|
Everyone around me is celebrating right now but all that I can think about is how many decisions I’m going to have to make next year. Where to go to college, my major, my boyfriend, etc. I’m so overwhelmed right now. I keep trying to tell myself that today is nothing more than another day, but what today *signifies* is what’s stressing me out. I see a whole year ahead of me full of choices and stress and I’m using every technique that I’ve gained in NINE YEARS of therapy, but it’s just not helping. I just want to go to bed.
|
legiteretly
| 1
| 0
| 4
|
2020-01-01 05:39:12
|
Anxiety
|
<es>Everyone around me is celebrating right now but all that I can think about is how many decisions I’m going to have to make next year.<ee> <es>Where to go to college, my major, my boyfriend, etc.<ee> <efs>I’m so overwhelmed right now.<efe> <efs>I keep trying to tell myself that today is nothing more than another day, but what today *signifies* is what’s stressing me out.<efe> <es>I see a whole year ahead of me full of choices and stress and I’m using every technique that I’ve gained in NINE YEARS of therapy, but it’s just not helping.<ee> <rs>I just want to go to bed.<re>
| 2
| 2
| 1
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
what would help you calm down
| null | true
| 221
|
ej1x1c
|
Positive post!!
|
0
|
chitchat
| 1
|
A few days ago I managed to do so much housework. I always struggle with it and let it pile up, but I managed to do 4 loads of laundry, do all the dishes, put away a lot of my junk, bin a load of stuff cause im a bit of a hoarder, wipe down my apartment, and make the bed!
I was gonna hoover too but ran out of time. But yeah!! I feel great now!! yay!
|
MegzWills
| 1
| 0
| 2
|
2020-01-02 18:21:40
|
sad
|
A few days ago I managed to do so much housework. I always struggle with it and let it pile up, but I managed to do 4 loads of laundry, do all the dishes, put away a lot of my junk, bin a load of stuff cause im a bit of a hoarder, wipe down my apartment, and make the bed! I was gonna hoover too but ran out of time. But yeah!! I feel great now!! yay!
| 0
| 0
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
positive
| true
| 0
|
eisncj
|
Does anyone else overexplain things to everyone?
|
0
|
survey
| 1
|
I catch myself overexplaining things during conversations with family, academically, and professionally. If you had to listen to one of my connversations, I am so sorry! I swear I'm not trying to sound pompous, it's just that my social skills are still mediocre.
|
azdweller
| 1
| 0
| 3
|
2020-01-02 03:33:00
|
socialanxiety
|
<es>I catch myself overexplaining things during conversations with family, academically, and professionally.<ee> If you had to listen to one of my connversations, I am so sorry! <es>I swear I'm not trying to sound pompous, it's just that my social skills are still mediocre.<ee>
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
why you want to overexplain things
|
How did X make you feel?
|
overexplaining things
|
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you overexplain things during conversations
| null | true
| 100
|
eq6nfy
|
Non-Alcoholic Vices
|
1b
|
rant
| 2
|
Hey everyone,
I just made it to 4 months without a drink. I was attending meetings regularly, and doing well. I am a casual marijuana user and at this point it’s the only vice I have unless you count caffeine or porn.
What irritated me was I had some people in my home group meeting pretty publicly tell the group that I wasn’t sober because I had been using marijuana.
I’m conflicted, because I know sobriety and dry drunks are different things. I also know that the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. I feel that I have made great strides in not drinking for 4 months, but I also feel like if I go back to get my 4 month coin I’ll get flack from the members. They said that “sobriety is being free of all mind altering substances” while a majority of people in the groups smoke cigarettes, drink caffeine, and/or prescription behavioral meds of all sorts.
I still have my desire to not drink. I still have my 120+ days of not drinking strung together. But I am feeling alienated from the group I called home, and feeling as though I’m being made to start over at their idea of step 1 instead of mine.
I am powerless over alcohol. I had an unmanageable life, and I am sticking to the guidance of god as I understand him in many aspects of my life. Our coins say “To Thine Own Self Be True”.
But I am seeing this negative interaction as a “spiritual progress vs spiritual perfection” argument, and I’m being told my progress doesn’t count because it wasn’t perfection, or wasn’t up to the standard someone else’s god has imprinted on their soul.
Perhaps I’m being overly sensitive or dramatic. I just know that those rooms helped me curb my appetite for drink, and now I feel less connected to the message of A.A. because of how I perceived this whole situation.
|
tyerker
| 1
| 0
| 18
|
2020-01-17 21:17:23
|
alcoholicsanonymous
|
Hey everyone, <es>I just made it to 4 months without a drink.<ee> <es>I was attending meetings regularly, and doing well.<ee> <es>I am a casual marijuana user and at this point it’s the only vice I have unless you count caffeine or porn.<ee> <efs>What irritated me was I had some people in my home group meeting pretty publicly tell the group that I wasn’t sober because I had been using marijuana.<efe> <efs>I’m conflicted, because I know sobriety and dry drunks are different things.<efe> <es>I also know that the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.<ee> <efs>I feel that I have made great strides in not drinking for 4 months, but I also feel like if I go back to get my 4 month coin I’ll get flack from the members.<efe> <es>They said that “sobriety is being free of all mind altering substances” while a majority of people in the groups smoke cigarettes, drink caffeine, and/or prescription behavioral meds of all sorts.<ee> <es>I still have my desire to not drink.<ee> <es>I still have my 120+ days of not drinking strung together.<ee> <efs>But I am feeling alienated from the group I called home, and feeling as though I’m being made to start over at their idea of step 1 instead of mine.<efe> <es>I am powerless over alcohol.<ee> <es>I had an unmanageable life, and I am sticking to the guidance of god as I understand him in many aspects of my life.<ee> Our coins say “To Thine Own Self Be True”. <es>But I am seeing this negative interaction as a “spiritual progress vs spiritual perfection” argument, and I’m being told my progress doesn’t count because it wasn’t perfection, or wasn’t up to the standard someone else’s god has imprinted on their soul.<ee> <es>Perhaps I’m being overly sensitive or dramatic.<ee> <efs>I just know that those rooms helped me curb my appetite for drink, and now I feel less connected to the message of A.A. because of how I perceived this whole situation.<efe>
| 2
| 2
| 0
| null | null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you got irritated due to people saying you aren't sober
| null | true
| 220
|
eia9yz
|
Clock just hit 12:00am
|
1a
|
rant
| 1
|
I feel like a real doomer sitting here in front of my pc alone listening to depressing music while the sound of fireworks are going off outside. God I hate my life lol
|
aatrexxx
| 1
| 0
| 7
|
2019-12-31 23:01:54
|
depression
|
I feel like a real doomer sitting here in front of my pc alone listening to depressing music while the sound of fireworks are going off outside. God I hate my life lol
| 0
| 1
| 0
|
What made you feel X ?
|
depressed
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
how felt on new year
|
What can help you overcome X ?
|
depression and hate towards life
| null | true
| 10
|
eikdf4
|
Are anxiety meds really helping ?
|
1b
|
rant
| 1
|
I just canceled my new years eve (and all the futures ones) with the parents and siblings because it makes me so nervous that im getting these terrible pressure headaches. Of course nobody understands even though i told them i have anxiety. I thought i could manage this w ithout meds but it just gets worse
|
khanabyss
| 1
| 0
| 13
|
2020-01-01 16:48:11
|
Anxiety
|
<es>I just canceled my new years eve (and all the futures ones) with the parents and siblings<ee> because <efs>it makes me so nervous that im getting these terrible pressure headaches.<efe> <es>Of course nobody understands even though i told them i have anxiety.<ee> <efs>I thought i could manage this w ithout meds but it just gets worse<efe>
| 1
| 2
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you are unable to handle your anxiety without meds
| null | true
| 120
|
emufbp
|
This morning my mom gave me one of her old bras. It had a rose in the middle that was exactly the same rose on a nightgown I wore as a child. I had an extreme flashback to being sexually abused by my Father in the gown. Im vomitting. Im broken.
|
1b
|
rant
| 1
|
I hate Hate HATE flashbacks. I waz there. In a little body. My mom shook me out of the daze. She said she had been doing it for a few minutes. Shaking to wake me up.
Some people have no idea what its like to pick up after their "mistakes" in adulthood or prior. Yay my.therepist gets a fun topic this week.
|
ashhtreeee
| 1
| 0
| 85
|
2020-01-10 17:47:07
|
ptsd
|
<es>This morning my mom gave me one of her old bras.<ee> <es>It had a rose in the middle that was exactly the same rose on a nightgown I wore as a child.<ee> <es>I had an extreme flashback to being sexually abused by my Father in the gown.<ee> <efs>Im vomitting.<efe> <efs>Im broken.<efe> <efs>I hate Hate HATE flashbacks.<efe> <es>I waz there.<ee> <es>In a little body.<ee> <es>My mom shook me out of the daze.<ee> <es>She said she had been doing it for a few minutes.<ee> <es>Shaking to wake me up.<ee> <es>Some people have no idea what its like to pick up after their "mistakes" in adulthood or prior.<ee> <es>Yay my.<ee><es>therepist gets a fun topic this week.<ee>
| 2
| 2
| 0
| null | null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you feel nauseous after the flashback
| null | true
| 220
|
eovonn
|
Can I take Kratom while waiting to take Suboxone
|
0
|
help-seeking
| 1
|
I should be able to take a sub in the early afternoon tomorrow(yay) and I feel like this is a stupid question but I haven’t really been able to find a clear answer for it searching.
Can I take some Kratom in the morning just to get me through until enough time has passed for me to take a suboxone?
Thanks in advance, this subreddit has helped me out a ton 🖤
|
macaaw
| 1
| 0
| 5
|
2020-01-15 02:10:05
|
OpiatesRecovery
|
<es>I should be able to take a sub in the early afternoon tomorrow(yay) and I feel like this is a stupid question but I haven’t really been able to find a clear answer for it searching.<ee> <rs>Can I take some Kratom in the morning just to get me through until enough time has passed for me to take a suboxone? <re> Thanks in advance, this subreddit has helped me out a ton 🖤
| 1
| 0
| 2
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
why you are taking suboxone
|
How did X make you feel?
|
not taking suboxone
| null | null | null | true
| 102
|
fgo3le
|
I made an appointment with a psychiatrist. I'm nervous.
|
0
|
help-seeking
| 1
|
For context I've been on medication before. At the time I was still on my parents insurance. My mom pressured me to get off medication and stop seeing a therapist. I did. This was about five years ago, I've been struggling ever since but managed okay for a while, but it's only gotten worse and worse. So, I started seeing a theripist again a few months ago. We've talked about the possibility of me needing medication. My doctor has also talked to me about it and gave me a few numbers to call. I made an appointment with a psychiatrist yesterday. The appointment is in two weeks, and I'm not totally sure what to expect. It's been a while since I've seen one. The last time I saw one was after a hospital stay, and the medication was prescribed to me during my stay. So when I went to see the psychiatrist they basically just had to refill my prescription and send me on my way. Any advice?
|
IAm_ThePumpkinKing
| 1
| 0
| 2
|
2020-03-11 00:19:46
|
getting_over_it
|
<es>For context I've been on medication before.<ee> <es>At the time I was still on my parents insurance.<ee> <es>My mom pressured me to get off medication and stop seeing a therapist.<ee> <es>I did.<ee> <es>This was about five years ago, I've been struggling ever since but managed okay for a while, but it's only gotten worse and worse.<ee> <es>So, I started seeing a theripist again a few months ago.<ee> <es>We've talked about the possibility of me needing medication.<ee> <es>My doctor has also talked to me about it and gave me a few numbers to call.<ee> <es>I made an appointment with a psychiatrist yesterday.<ee> <es>The appointment is in two weeks, and I'm not totally sure what to expect.<ee> <es>It's been a while since I've seen one.<ee> <es>The last time I saw one was after a hospital stay, and the medication was prescribed to me during my stay.<ee> <es>So when I went to see the psychiatrist they basically just had to refill my prescription and send me on my way.<ee> <rs>Any advice?<re>
| 1
| 0
| 1
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
what were you on medication for
|
How did X make you feel?
|
the medicines
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
what would help you feel better
| null | true
| 101
|
euo8ea
|
Motivation from Demi
|
0
|
chitchat
| 5
| null |
latinaMixed
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
2020-01-27 13:58:43
|
selfhelp
| null | 0
| 0
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null | null | true
| 0
|
ek2us7
|
I've hurt the person dearest to me in my life and I have to forever live knowing that I could do that to them.
|
1a
|
rant
| 2
|
I had a porn addiction for years. I lied to my wife about it the entirety of our relationship. I would look her in the eyes and swear on her life that I wasn't lying to her. I was though. I don't know how I could have done that. I definitely have some sort of personality disorder. I have a date set to schedule a therapy appointment by.
I'm sorry ahead of time if this is a mess. I really need to vent and just get my emotions written down. I'm really lost right now. I don't know what I can do to fix this. I have a support network set up, I have resources, I've been spending the entire morning so far just looking into subreddits and replying to comments on my other posts. I can only just continue trying to be strong moving forward through this. I feel like such an absolutely terrible person. I lied to my wife's face so many times. I looked her deep in the eyes and I felt her soul and I still lied to her. I don't know what kind of person could do that. I've worn a mask so long of a strong man, but I've been a weak boy this entire time. I haven't been responsible for my actions. I haven't grown up. I'm 25 now; I've been saying I was grown up since I was 18, but it's all bullshit. I have been pretending to be someone else for so long that it's hard to even answer when my wife asks me who I am. I am so incredibly lost. I feel like I have an idea of who I am, or at least who I want to be. I feel like there are parts of me who are that grown-up. I feel like I absolutely have matured and grown, but I also have been lying for 5 years to my wife about who I really am. That doesn't seem like a very grown up thing to do. I can't think of myself as an adult. Fuck, I even lectured some random redditor and gave them advice on shit while I was STILL being a liar outright on this anonymous forum. I put myself on a pedestal for my actions. This is definitely something I have always done. I would talk down on others who do the same thing I do. I would discuss with my wife about her friend's "shitty" boyfriends and how they are so dumb for lying, cheating, manipulating, etc. I really don't know what the fuck is wrong with me and my compulsive lying. I'm definitely fucked up in some major way.
I know my wife is in pain. I can see that I've hurt her. She is trying to be strong for me, but I can see that I have seriously damaged us. My wife has told me that I have a month or so to prove to her that I'm a genuine, honest person. In our discussions however, I am justifying actions by locking onto and defending minor points. Last night was particularly bad. I've recognized my screwup in that conversation though and I'm trying to make sure it doesn't happen again. I know she wants us to work otherwise she would have just left. I can't shake the feeling that I'm going to lose her though. I am so afraid to lose her. She has always been the most understanding, patient, kind person I could imagine. She has gotten me through so much. She has opened me up as a person and has changed me so much. My life would be so dramatically different if she wasn't in the picture. She has shown me light where I never thought it was possible. She has made me open up spiritually, something that I was adamant couldn't happen to me for my entire life. This morning we talked a little bit. She pulled me over and held me against her chest for a little while. I laid there and I listened to her heartbeat. I'm so scared I'll never be able to do this again. I'm so scared I won't feel her touch. I'm so scared I won't have her to pull me inward. I'm so afraid that I'll never be able to be the person that I want to be if she leaves. I don't know what to do in life without her. I don't know where I can go, what I can do, or who I will become. She has guided me so much and caused me to reflect on the person I am. She has always nudged me in the right direction in life, and I might lose her because of my lies, deceit, and manipulation. This wonderful woman who has given me everything in life is facing the biggest betrayal of hers right now. I see the pain she feels. Even when she holds me close, I know that something is different within her. She is so disappointed in me. I'm disappointed in myself.
I am a toxic person. I would lie to and manipulate my wife. I would make things her fault. I would leave evidence of my habits and she would find them. When she would ask me about them, I would lie to her face. I would write it away as something that must have been out of my control. I gaslighted and manipulated her for years. I don't think I'm deserving of love in many ways. I don't know how I could do this to her. I feel like a shell of a person. I feel like I'm not really a person at all, but just a demon wearing a mask. How could I cause so much hurt to someone like her? How could I do this?
|
throwaway23WE
| 4
| 0
| 18
|
2020-01-04 21:33:00
|
selfhelp
|
<es>I had a porn addiction for years.<ee> <es>I lied to my wife about it the entirety of our relationship.<ee> <es>I would look her in the eyes and swear on her life that I wasn't lying to her.<ee> <es>I was though.<ee> I don't know how I could have done that. <es>I definitely have some sort of personality disorder.<ee> <es>I have a date set to schedule a therapy appointment by.<ee> I'm sorry ahead of time if this is a mess. <rs>I really need to vent and just get my emotions written down.<re> <efs>I'm really lost right now.<efe> <es>I don't know what I can do to fix this.<ee> <es>I have a support network set up, I have resources, I've been spending the entire morning so far just looking into subreddits and replying to comments on my other posts.<ee> <es>I can only just continue trying to be strong moving forward through this.<ee> <efs>I feel like such an absolutely terrible person.<efe> <es>I lied to my wife's face so many times.<ee> <es>I looked her deep in the eyes and I felt her soul and I still lied to her.<ee> I don't know what kind of person could do that. <es>I've worn a mask so long of a strong man, but I've been a weak boy this entire time.<ee> <es>I haven't been responsible for my actions.<ee> <es>I haven't grown up.<ee> <es>I'm 25 now; I've been saying I was grown up since I was 18, but it's all bullshit.<ee> <es>I have been pretending to be someone else for so long that it's hard to even answer when my wife asks me who I am.<ee> <efs>I am so incredibly lost.<efe> <efs>I feel like I have an idea of who I am, or at least who I want to be.<efe> <efs>I feel like there are parts of me who are that grown-up.<efe> <efs>I feel like I absolutely have matured and grown, but I also have been lying for 5 years to my wife about who I really am.<efe> That doesn't seem like a very grown up thing to do. <es>I can't think of myself as an adult.<ee> <es>Fuck, I even lectured some random redditor and gave them advice on shit while I was STILL being a liar outright on this anonymous forum.<ee> <es>I put myself on a pedestal for my actions.<ee> <es>This is definitely something I have always done.<ee> <es>I would talk down on others who do the same thing I do.<ee> <es>I would discuss with my wife about her friend's "shitty" boyfriends and how they are so dumb for lying, cheating, manipulating, etc.<ee> <es>I really don't know what the fuck is wrong with me and my compulsive lying.<ee> <es>I'm definitely fucked up in some major way. <ee> <es>I know my wife is in pain.<ee> <es>I can see that I've hurt her.<ee> <es>She is trying to be strong for me, but I can see that I have seriously damaged us.<ee> <es>My wife has told me that I have a month or so to prove to her that I'm a genuine, honest person.<ee> <es>In our discussions however, I am justifying actions by locking onto and defending minor points.<ee> <es>Last night was particularly bad.<ee> <es>I've recognized my screwup in that conversation though and I'm trying to make sure it doesn't happen again.<ee> <es>I know she wants us to work otherwise she would have just left.<ee> <efs>I can't shake the feeling that I'm going to lose her though.<efe> <efs>I am so afraid to lose her.<efe> <es>She has always been the most understanding, patient, kind person I could imagine.<ee> <es>She has gotten me through so much.<ee> <es>She has opened me up as a person and has changed me so much.<ee> <es>My life would be so dramatically different if she wasn't in the picture.<ee> <es>She has shown me light where I never thought it was possible.<ee> <es>She has made me open up spiritually, something that I was adamant couldn't happen to me for my entire life.<ee> <es>This morning we talked a little bit.<ee> <es>She pulled me over and held me against her chest for a little while.<ee> <es>I laid there and I listened to her heartbeat.<ee> <efs>I'm so scared I'll never be able to do this again.<efe> <efs>I'm so scared I won't feel her touch.<efe> <efs>I'm so scared I won't have her to pull me inward.<efe> <efs>I'm so afraid that I'll never be able to be the person that I want to be if she leaves.<efe> <es>I don't know what to do in life without her.<ee> <es>I don't know where I can go, what I can do, or who I will become.<ee> <es>She has guided me so much and caused me to reflect on the person I am.<ee> <es>She has always nudged me in the right direction in life, and I might lose her because of my lies, deceit, and manipulation.<ee> <es>This wonderful woman who has given me everything in life is facing the biggest betrayal of hers right now.<ee> <es>I see the pain she feels.<ee> <es>Even when she holds me close, I know that something is different within her.<ee> <es>She is so disappointed in me.<ee> <efs>I'm disappointed in myself. <efe> <es>I am a toxic person.<ee> <es>I would lie to and manipulate my wife.<ee> <es>I would make things her fault.<ee> <es>I would leave evidence of my habits and she would find them.<ee> <es>When she would ask me about them, I would lie to her face.<ee> <es>I would write it away as something that must have been out of my control.<ee> <es>I gaslighted and manipulated her for years.<ee> <efs>I don't think I'm deserving of love in many ways.<efe> I don't know how I could do this to her. <efs>I feel like a shell of a person.<efe> <efs>I feel like I'm not really a person at all, but just a demon wearing a mask.<efe> How could I cause so much hurt to someone like her? How could I do this?
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
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What do you need help with now that X?
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you have hurt your wife by lying to her
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emdfqt
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Anyone just starting to get clean and need a bud?
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1a
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rant
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Kinda lonely over here as i used alone so no one really knows what im going through. Im on day 1 and am doing ok so far. Just wish i had a friend to talk to about it. DM me if anyone wants to chat. Maybe i just have too much time on my hands to think about shit. 🤷
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lizzikins85
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| 15
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2020-01-09 18:07:58
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OpiatesRecovery
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<efs>Kinda lonely over here as i used alone so no one really knows what im going through.<efe> <es>Im on day 1 and am doing ok so far.<ee> <rs>Just wish i had a friend to talk to about it. DM me if anyone wants to chat.<re> <es>Maybe i just have too much time on my hands to think about shit.<ee>
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Can you elaborate more on X ?
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what you are clean from
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Can you elaborate more on X ?
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how you are feeling being clean
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eiqreg
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BPD Diagnosis in works, but I know what I'm expecting.
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1a
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rant
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So a lot of things have happened recently that led to the point I'm at now. I've always thought I had bipolar, brought it up and was dismissed. So when I thought I may have bpd I dismissed it, and justified it but saying I didn't meet the criteria. I refused to admit I was toxic, that I DID meet those criterias. Now that I'm older and have read more, and am able to take a step back from myself and acknowledge my behaviors I can see now that I almost meet every criteria for BPD. I'm currently in the process of separating from my partner of 5 years, I damaged him so much. I feel so horrible, but it's what led to my break down and admittance into therapy. I brought up to my therapist that I think I have BPD and she agrees and wants us to work on diagnosing it. I've been reading subreddits in the BPD support groups and relate to everyone so much. But Im also angry, I'm angry that I'm going to be this... Diagnosis. That I'm gonna be my condition, that I'm unlovable and damaged. That whoever I date I'll eventually damaged and break and I feel like I'm a monster. I'm scared for my kids. I don't want to damage them, I don't want them to be... Like me, broken. It's so conflicting because I feel like this broken, damaged, monster, that I'm crazy and unfixable.... But there's also a part of me that thinks this is just the beginning that now that I know the problem I can find the right tools to fix things. I just need some reassurance. That I'm not this monster, that things get better, than I can be a good person and love with this and my kids won't suffer from it. It feels like my whole world is falling apart and I have no control.
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_Chaotix
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2020-01-02 00:59:43
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BPD
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<es>So a lot of things have happened recently that led to the point I'm at now.<ee> <es>I've always thought I had bipolar, brought it up and was dismissed.<ee> <es>So when I thought I may have bpd I dismissed it, and justified it but saying I didn't meet the criteria.<ee> <es>I refused to admit I was toxic, that I DID meet those criteria.<ee> <es>Now that I'm older and have read more, and am able to take a step back from myself and acknowledge my behaviors I can see now that I almost meet every criteria for BPD.<ee> <es>I'm currently in the process of separating from my partner of 5 years, I damaged him so much.<ee> <efs>I feel so horrible, but it's what led to my break down and admittance into therapy.<efe> <es>I brought up to my therapist that I think I have BPD and she agrees and wants us to work on diagnosing it.<ee> <es>I've been reading subreddits in the BPD support groups and relate to everyone so much.<ee> <efs>But Im also angry, I'm angry that I'm going to be this... Diagnosis.<efe> <efs>That I'm gonna be my condition, that I'm unlovable and damaged.<efe> <efs>That whoever I date I'll eventually damaged and break and I feel like I'm a monster.<efe> <efs>I'm scared for my kids.<efe> <rs>I don't want to damage them, I don't want them to be... Like me, broken.<re> <efs>It's so conflicting because I feel like this broken, damaged, monster, that I'm crazy and unfixable....<efe> <efs>But there's also a part of me that thinks this is just the beginning that now that I know the problem I can find the right tools to fix things.<efe> <rs>I just need some reassurance.<re> <rs>That I'm not this monster, that things get better, than I can be a good person and love with this and my kids won't suffer from it.<re> <efs>It feels like my whole world is falling apart and I have no control.<efe>
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eifalx
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Happy New Year! Remember to pay rent today!
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0
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chitchat
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It's all exciting -- new month, new year, new decade. Unfortunately with all the excitement, I know I'm likely to get caught up in other things and get dangerously close to forgetting about rent. So this is as much a reminder for myself as for the rest of you. If you can't pay it right now, here's your reminder to set a reminder (if you live on the edge and don't have a recurring one already set).
Here's to a great year with minimal late fees
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palevoice
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2020-01-01 06:47:24
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ADHD
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It's all exciting -- new month, new year, new decade. Unfortunately with all the excitement, I know I'm likely to get caught up in other things and get dangerously close to forgetting about rent. So this is as much a reminder for myself as for the rest of you. If you can't pay it right now, here's your reminder to set a reminder (if you live on the edge and don't have a recurring one already set). Here's to a great year with minimal late fees
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
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random
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eism6r
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Anxiety induced asexuality
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0
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survey
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I'm a woman and used to be attracted to men. Now I'm not. It's because of my social anxiety. I'm asexual now. I can have friends but getting close to a partner is TERRIFYING. Anyone else?
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bimia33
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2020-01-02 03:30:18
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socialanxiety
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<es>I'm a woman and used to be attracted to men.<ee> <es>Now I'm not.<ee> <es>It's because of my social anxiety.<ee> <es>I'm asexual now.<ee> <efs>I can have friends but getting close to a partner is TERRIFYING.<efe> <Anyone else?
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Can you elaborate more on X ?
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what made you asexual
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What do you need help with now that X?
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you are terrified of getting a partner
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ejq3mh
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Sober almost 2 years, justifying weed
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0
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rant
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Full disclaimer I have not smoked weed in over 6 years now, I'm an alcoholic, I don't believe weed was ever a problem and believe it does have a purpose, have Gone through the steps with sponsors, work the steps, tried sponsoring a few guys, really connected with at least a few members from my AA group, chair a meeting every Friday, been going to meetings every day almost for about two years, pray to God, believe in God. The thing is, in my mind, I'm really justifying smoking weed. It's legal in my state. I've told an old timer and even brought this up at tables on occasion, weed is really my reservation. I haven't smoked weed in over 6 years now, mainly because I was drinking. The thing about weed is it never really caused too many problems. The only problems it really caused was I got caught with it in high school but I never went crazy with it, and I ended up having the epiphany to finally join the military, which in the long run did have an important impact on my life some good some bad (the booze). I didn't smoke it when I was in the military. I could be around it and not always smoke it. I didn't smoke it a whole lot, but I've really been wanting to smoke weed for a minute.
Here are my justifications, I know it's kind of fucked up only because it's become an unspoken spoken rule in AA, despite several things being used to substitute alcohol in the early days of the fellowship. I don't believe weed would take me back to drinking, those two never went together for me. The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking. I think weed is an outside issue and believe that more people wouldn't feel shunned if AA stuck to it's primary purpose with alcohol. I don't believe weed led me to drinking in any way shape or form, I think I was going to drink anyways and I think it may have even spared me a few worse times with booze. I don't believe it's an addiction, I don't get behind the wheel. I think for meditation and medicinal purposes it's extremely useful. I think it helps a lot of people with PTSD and anxiety and depression. It's natural, societies and cultures have used it to get in touch with their definitions of God throughout history. The only thing keeping me from doing it is everyone around me in AA would give me shit for it but it's like fuck, yes it's a mind altering substance, so are antidepressants, so is coffee and nicotine, so is over the counter cough medicine. So is ibuprofen, Tylenol, Viagra, the list goes on. I never did other drugs. Bill W was tripping on acid because he was morbidly depressed and wanted to see if it would help others. I wouldn't say I'm morbidly depressed right now but I am depressed, we know weed helps with that. I could easily see a psychiatrist and get antidepressants but I'd rather smoke weed because I was a psychology major and think based on some of my education that antidepressants have far more negative consequences than anything else. Before someone tells me to do a thorough inventory and make amends and work the 12 steps been there done that doing that. I know this is me trying to justify something I may or may not do. If I wasn't so connected to my AA group I'd already be doing it and it doesn't say anything about weed in the first 164 pages of the big book. There's a heavy stigma with it at least in the groups I've been going to. I don't think it should be like that.
The only problem is if I start smoking weed again one of two things are going to happen. Either I stop going to AA meetings and then I will pick up a drink again because despite all of this I 100% know if it wasn't for AA, God, and the 12 steps I would be drinking again and don't want to do that again. So that leaves me with going to meetings knowing I started smoking weed again if I decide to do it and having to tell people I'm smoking weed because to be completely honest because I just can't lie about it if I decide to do it but then everyone gives me shit for it and tells me to get a 24 hr chip, Which I think is stupid and I almost don't care just because again in my opinion it's useful.
Tl;Dr: justifying smoking weed, yes I will talk to someone I Know in the program about this, yes they will tell me it's stupid, yes I will try to be more thorough in my inventory, doesn't say weed in the big book I believe weed is an outside issue, anyone who smokes cigarettes or drinks coffee should get a 24 hr chip too if weed should land you that which is most of us, I'm almost morbidly depressed and think it might help with meditation and that issue for a minute, I know this is messed up to a degree but can still justify especially on the grounds of being honest about it and still going to meetings, but some people shouldn't do it because I do think it is a gateway drug especially if you're just using it to just get high.
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lastredditaccteva326
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2020-01-04 02:24:04
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alcoholicsanonymous
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<es>Full disclaimer I have not smoked weed in over 6 years now, I'm an alcoholic, I don't believe weed was ever a problem and believe it does have a purpose, have Gone through the steps with sponsors, work the steps, tried sponsoring a few guys, really connected with at least a few members from my AA group, chair a meeting every Friday, been going to meetings every day almost for about two years, pray to God, believe in God.<ee> <es>The thing is, in my mind, I'm really justifying smoking weed.<ee> <es>It's legal in my state.<ee> <es>I've told an old timer and even brought this up at tables on occasion, weed is really my reservation.<ee> <es>I haven't smoked weed in over 6 years now, mainly because I was drinking.<ee> <es>The thing about weed is it never really caused too many problems.<ee> <es>The only problems it really caused was I got caught with it in high school but I never went crazy with it, and I ended up having the epiphany to finally join the military, which in the long run did have an important impact on my life some good some bad (the booze).<ee> <es>I didn't smoke it when I was in the military.<ee> <es>I could be around it and not always smoke it.<ee> <es>I didn't smoke it a whole lot, but I've really been wanting to smoke weed for a minute. <ee> <es>Here are my justifications, I know it's kind of fucked up only because it's become an unspoken spoken rule in AA, despite several things being used to substitute alcohol in the early days of the fellowship.<ee> <es>I don't believe weed would take me back to drinking, those two never went together for me.<ee> <es>The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking.<ee> <es>I think weed is an outside issue and believe that more people wouldn't feel shunned if AA stuck to it's primary purpose with alcohol.<ee> <es>I don't believe weed led me to drinking in any way shape or form, I think I was going to drink anyways and I think it may have even spared me a few worse times with booze.<ee> <es>I don't believe it's an addiction, I don't get behind the wheel.<ee> <es>I think for meditation and medicinal purposes it's extremely useful.<ee> <es>I think it helps a lot of people with PTSD and anxiety and depression.<ee> <es>It's natural, societies and cultures have used it to get in touch with their definitions of God throughout history.<ee> <es>The only thing keeping me from doing it is everyone around me in AA would give me shit for it but it's like fuck, yes it's a mind altering substance, so are antidepressants, so is coffee and nicotine, so is over the counter cough medicine.<ee> <es>So is ibuprofen, Tylenol, Viagra, the list goes on.<ee> <es>I never did other drugs.<ee> <es>Bill W was tripping on acid because he was morbidly depressed and wanted to see if it would help others.<ee> <efs>I wouldn't say I'm morbidly depressed right now but I am depressed, we know weed helps with that.<efe> <es>I could easily see a psychiatrist and get antidepressants but I'd rather smoke weed because I was a psychology major and think based on some of my education that antidepressants have far more negative consequences than anything else.<ee> <es>Before someone tells me to do a thorough inventory and make amends and work the 12 steps been there done that doing that.<ee> <es>I know this is me trying to justify something I may or may not do.<ee> <es>If I wasn't so connected to my AA group I'd already be doing it and it doesn't say anything about weed in the first 164 pages of the big book.<ee> <es>There's a heavy stigma with it at least in the groups I've been going to.<ee> <es>I don't think it should be like that. <ee> <es>The only problem is if I start smoking weed again one of two things are going to happen.<ee> <es>Either I stop going to AA meetings and then I will pick up a drink again because despite all of this I 100% know if it wasn't for AA, God, and the 12 steps I would be drinking again and don't want to do that again.<ee> <es>So that leaves me with going to meetings knowing I started smoking weed again if I decide to do it and having to tell people I'm smoking weed because to be completely honest because I just can't lie about it if I decide to do it but then everyone gives me shit for it and tells me to get a 24 hr chip, Which I think is stupid and I almost don't care just because again in my opinion it's useful.<ee> <es>Tl;Dr: justifying smoking weed, yes I will talk to someone I Know in the program about this.<ee> <es>yes they will tell me it's stupid.<ee> <es>yes I will try to be more thorough in my inventory.<ee> <es>doesn't say weed in the big book I believe weed is an outside issue, anyone who smokes cigarettes or drinks coffee should get a 24 hr chip too if weed should land you that which is most of us.<ee> <efs>I'm almost morbidly depressed and think it might help with meditation and that issue for a minute.<efe> <es>I know this is messed up to a degree but can still justify especially on the grounds of being honest about it and still going to meetings, but some people shouldn't do it because I do think it is a gateway drug especially if you're just using it to just get high.<ee>
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What do you need help with now that X?
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you are justifying weed
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eikcp3
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I can't even send a happy new year message without having a heart attack
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1a
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survey
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I've been wondering since this morning whether I should send this person (my crush, but it doesn't really matter) a happy new year message or not... I feel pathetic worrying so much about it but at the same time I worry that I'll be perceived annoying and insistent
Anyone else like me?
Anyways I wish everyone who's reading a happy 2020 ❣️
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Ze_nt
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2020-01-01 16:46:32
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socialanxiety
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I've been wondering since this morning whether I should send this person (my crush, but it doesn't really matter) a happy new year message or not... I feel pathetic worrying so much about it but at the same time I worry that I'll be perceived annoying and insistent Anyone else like me? Anyways I wish everyone who's reading a happy 2020 ❣️
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Can you elaborate more on X ?
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why you were nervous on sending the message
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ele3kt
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Cbd oil for cravings
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0
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help-seeking
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Ive heard that cbd oil for addiction *cocaine for me* should I look more into it?
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Londonskys96
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2020-01-07 16:51:49
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addiction
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<rs>Ive heard that cbd oil for addiction *cocaine for me* should I look more into it?<re>
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What happened that you want X ?
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to take cbd oil
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Why are you wanting X ?
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to cbd oil for your cocaine addiction
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eitp83
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Does my wife have a mental health problem?
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1b
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help-seeking
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I can not understand how this works. My wife of 13 years, partner of nearly 17, has stated that she has been loyal to me for 16 of those years. It hasnt been until the last "two months" that she has sought out 10 other men and slept with 3 of them. Her sexual promiscuity has instantaneously lead to reckless impulsive sex with strangers over the internet. When I asked her if she viewed this as manic and risky behavior, she just laughed it off with a very snide "no". Should a medical professional be involved or is this kind of swift execution of arrogance and betrayal just a random occurence?
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Euphoric-University
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| 9
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2020-01-02 05:05:15
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mentalillness
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I can not understand how this works. My wife of 13 years, partner of nearly 17, has stated that she has been loyal to me for 16 of those years. It hasnt been until the last "two months" that she has sought out 10 other men and slept with 3 of them. Her sexual promiscuity has instantaneously lead to reckless impulsive sex with strangers over the internet. When I asked her if she viewed this as manic and risky behavior, she just laughed it off with a very snide "no". Should a medical professional be involved or is this kind of swift execution of arrogance and betrayal just a random occurence?
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
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How did X make you feel?
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your wife's actions
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| 202
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esuw9x
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Hi guys, these are some of the things have helped when I'm in a slump. Much love, Rob
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0
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chitchat
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It's a depression advice video. Here'st he youtube link :)
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RqbqFfFykZA&t=54s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RqbqFfFykZA&t=54s)
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RobMarenghi
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2020-01-23 15:49:25
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getting_over_it
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It's a depression advice video. Here'st he youtube link :) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RqbqFfFykZA&t=54s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RqbqFfFykZA&t=54s)
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
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random
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exbtee
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Memories I have of my dad, what were they? Were they inappropriate?
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1b
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help-seeking
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(TW) I’m so nervous to make this post. I know I’m probably just hyper aware due to my past s*xual abuse. as It was done by many people over the span of 12 yrs. But anyways..
I’ve always had a couple memories that tripped me out a bit. I don’t think it’s abuse but I’m worried sometimes it was something more then I thought. I know what s*xual abuse is, I know what r*pe is, I’ve been through all of it many times. Maybe this was covert s*xual abuse?
When I was a kid me and my dad would go swimming at the pool at weekends he’d have me and my sister. We’d always change in the family changing rooms, there were big private stalls with locks and with private showers and us three would all go in one together, obviously so we were safe, I know that, but the thing is, I hated being naked, I always have, I don’t like being nude in front of other people, there was a dip in the wall where the wall came out and the shower was there and I could change without my dad and sister seeing me, I was 8-9 I think by then I deserved privacy. My dad got mad one time and told me I should be comfortable enough to change RIGHT in front of him and my sister but I said no, he forced me to look at him completely nude and kept saying “just look at it, come on, what’s ur problem?” (Meaning look at his private parts) he came up really close and was laughing but also annoyed/mad, he cornered me and made me really uncomfortable. he made me change in front of him and my sister and I hated it. He forced me to look at me him nude. Naked men really triggered me and I’ve never heard of dads doing this before being normal. He would also not respect my privacy when it came to nudity in general. He had a glass shower door at one point and would make me shower with the door open sometimes so he and my sister could use the bathroom whenever. My sister would always stare at me and make me uncomfortable, she was obsessed with my naked body growing up and even went as far as hiding a camera in the bathroom to film me naked.
I feel like this just isn’t normal but I also know it’s not s*xual abuse. I just can’t see why a grown man would force his daughter to look at him naked especially his private parts. and then change in front of him when I could have walked a couple feet to the side and have my privacy.
I’ve told someone this before and they got mad saying I was being ridiculous and he was just keeping me safe but I don’t know how that’s keeping me safe. I WAS safe. I was in a locked stall. I just don’t get it. It really bothers me sometimes because of my past abuse. It makes no not trust him..
If this is nothing lmk but please don’t be rude about it... I’ve only ever told one person it’s not like I’m trying to make abuse up like that person made me feel. I already have enough abuse. It’s just a uncomfortable inappropriate situation that I think about sometimes...
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risingsouls7
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| 1
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2020-02-01 20:09:30
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rapecounseling
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<rs>Memories I have of my dad, what were they?<re> <rs>Were they inappropriate?<re> <efs>(TW) I’m so nervous to make this post.<efe> <es>I know I’m probably just hyper aware due to my past s*xual abuse.<ee> <es>as It was done by many people over the span of 12 yrs.<ee> <es>But anyways..<ee> <es>I’ve always had a couple memories that tripped me out a bit.<ee> <efs>I don’t think it’s abuse but I’m worried sometimes it was something more then I thought.<efe> <es>I know what s*xual abuse is, I know what r*pe is, I’ve been through all of it many times.<ee> <es>Maybe this was covert s*xual abuse?<ee> <es>When I was a kid me and my dad would go swimming at the pool at weekends he’d have me and my sister.<ee> <es>We’d always change in the family changing rooms, there were big private stalls with locks and with private showers and us three would all go in one together, obviously so we were safe, I know that, but the thing is, I hated being naked, I always have, I don’t like being nude in front of other people, there was a dip in the wall where the wall came out and the shower was there and I could change without my dad and sister seeing me, I was 8-9 I think by then I deserved privacy.<ee> <es>My dad got mad one time and told me I should be comfortable enough to change RIGHT in front of him and my sister but I said no, he forced me to look at him completely nude and kept saying “just look at it, come on, what’s ur problem?” (Meaning look at his private parts) he came up really close and was laughing but also annoyed/mad, he cornered me and made me really uncomfortable.<ee> <es>he made me change in front of him and my sister and I hated it.<ee> <es>He forced me to look at me him nude.<ee> <es>Naked men really triggered me and I’ve never heard of dads doing this before being normal.<ee> <es>He would also not respect my privacy when it came to nudity in general.<ee> <es>He had a glass shower door at one point and would make me shower with the door open sometimes so he and my sister could use the bathroom whenever.<ee> <es>My sister would always stare at me and make me uncomfortable, she was obsessed with my naked body growing up and even went as far as hiding a camera in the bathroom to film me naked. <ee> <efs>I feel like this just isn’t normal but I also know it’s not s*xual abuse.<efe> <es>I just can’t see why a grown man would force his daughter to look at him naked especially his private parts.<ee> <es>and then change in front of him when I could have walked a couple feet to the side and have my privacy.<ee> <es>I’ve told someone this before and they got mad saying I was being ridiculous and he was just keeping me safe but I don’t know how that’s keeping me safe.<ee> <es>I WAS safe.<ee> <es>I was in a locked stall.<ee> <es>I just don’t get it.<ee> <efs>It really bothers me sometimes because of my past abuse.<efe> <es>It makes no not trust him..<ee> If this is nothing lmk but please don’t be rude about it... I’ve only ever told one person it’s not like I’m trying to make abuse up like that person made me feel. I already have enough abuse. <efs>It’s just a uncomfortable inappropriate situation that I think about sometimes...<efe>
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| null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true
| 222
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eoqp3c
|
How to be More Confrontational/Angry?
|
1b
|
help-seeking
| 1
|
Title. I'm a hothead but when it comes to confrontation I freeze up like a fucking bitch, I don't feel angry and I feel like it's my fucking body trying to smother it down to keep me calm when I don't want to. Example, today I was driving and some fucking dickhead cut in front of me, when I honked at him he flicked me off. Instead of yelling or getting mad or honking back or even getting angry I just chuckled and didn't even think angry thoughts. Only after he took a turn and was good did I start wanting to get confrontational, like a fucking bitch.
So that's my question, how do I get more confrontational and angry so that in confrontation my anger takes over instead of fear and I stop being a bitch?
|
thr0wawaynewsprinter
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
2020-01-14 20:12:42
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Anger
|
Title. <efs><es>I'm a hothead but when it comes to confrontation I freeze up like a fucking bitch, I don't feel angry and I feel like it's my fucking body trying to smother it down to keep me calm when I don't want to.<ee><efe> <es>Example, today I was driving and some fucking dickhead cut in front of me, when I honked at him he flicked me off.<ee> <es>Instead of yelling or getting mad or honking back or even getting angry I just chuckled and didn't even think angry thoughts.<ee> <es>Only after he took a turn and was good did I start wanting to get confrontational, like a fucking bitch.<ee> <rs>So that's my question, how do I get more confrontational and angry so that in confrontation my anger takes over instead of fear and I stop being a bitch?<re>
| 2
| 2
| 2
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null | null | true
| 222
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eimmws
|
Can’t stop thinking about dying?
|
1a
|
rant
| 1
|
Okay so I sometimes get like this I just feel really sick just realised I’m gonna die one day and I’m not gonna be here forever idk what to do
|
chapmanavfc
| 1
| 0
| 1
|
2020-01-01 19:40:45
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Anxiety
|
<es>Okay so I sometimes get like this I just feel really sick just realised I’m gonna die one day and I’m not gonna be here forever idk what to do<ee>
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
the feeling of being sick
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How did X make you feel?
|
the sickly feelings
|
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you feel sick and have negative thoughts
| null | true
| 100
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eic880
|
It's my birthday, time for an existential crisis and anxiety attack
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1a
|
rant
| 2
|
So, I'm 32 today and I haven't had a job in a year (and no steady job for more than 6 months before that), I literally have no friends, I live with my mom and teenage siblings still, I never finished my bachelor's degree, and I basically feel like my life is a giant failure. My depression and anxiety are both incredibly hard to deal with and I spend days on end basically in bed only going to the bathroom and stress-eating. I don't have insurance, and my mom is very strained financially so I feel guilty for needing her help even with paying for my medications (I also have asthma and pretty bad allergies that need prescription meds). I just can't help but think of how much this isn't what I want for my life, but I just can't seem to change anything because I'm in a constantly escalating loop of depression and anxiety. Then I think of how I must just be lazy and faking it so I don't have to be a functioning adult because everyone else seems to deal with their shit just fine, so there's no reason why I shouldn't be able to as well. I feel like everyone took a class in high school on functioning in society and I was out sick that day or something, and there's no retakes ever. So basically I lay in bed and worry about everything and I feel like nothing will ever get better for me and I'm a big disappointment, and I have no one to talk to or who seems to understand what I'm trying to express, and I'm just so impotently frustrated at it all. Sorry about the venting here, I don't know why I'm even posting.
|
Silver_Marmot
| 1
| 0
| 2
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2020-01-01 01:42:42
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Anxiety
|
<es>So, I'm 32 today and I haven't had a job in a year (and no steady job for more than 6 months before that),<ee> <es>I literally have no friends,<ee> <es>I live with my mom and teenage siblings still,<ee> <es>I never finished my bachelor's degree,<ee> <efs>and I basically feel like my life is a giant failure.<efe> <es>My depression and anxiety are both incredibly hard to deal with and I spend days on end basically in bed only going to the bathroom and stress-eating.<ee> <efs>I don't have insurance, and my mom is very strained financially so I feel guilty for needing her help even with paying for my medications (I also have asthma and pretty bad allergies that need prescription meds).<efe> <es>I just can't help but think of how much this isn't what I want for my life, but I just can't seem to change anything because I'm in a constantly escalating loop of depression and anxiety.<ee> <es>Then I think of how I must just be lazy and faking it so I don't have to be a functioning adult because everyone else seems to deal with their shit just fine, so there's no reason why I shouldn't be able to as well.<ee> <efs>I feel like everyone took a class in high school on functioning in society and I was out sick that day or something, and there's no retakes ever.<efe> <efs>So basically I lay in bed and worry about everything and I feel like nothing will ever get better for me and I'm a big disappointment, and I have no one to talk to or who seems to understand what I'm trying to express, and I'm just so impotently frustrated at it all.<efe> Sorry about the venting here, I don't know why I'm even posting.
| 2
| 2
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you are frustrated about your anxiety
| null | true
| 220
|
eje43v
|
DAE find it easier to move on if they decided to end it with you?
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0
|
survey
| 1
|
Versus prematurely leaving the relationship in order to avoid abandonment?
I have never been dumped. I’ve always ended things early with people I’m involved with. My current FP has always stuck around and we always got back in touch somehow until he triggers me again. Sometimes I wish he’d just tell me to leave him alone and versus me leaving but hoping to have him back at the same time.
|
ghjhv
| 2
| 0
| 1
|
2020-01-03 11:18:48
|
BPD
|
<rs>DAE find it easier to move on if they decided to end it with you?<re> <rs>Versus prematurely leaving the relationship in order to avoid abandonment?<re> <es>I have never been dumped.<ee> <es>I’ve always ended things early with people I’m involved with.<ee> <es>My current FP has always stuck around and we always got back in touch somehow until he triggers me again.<ee> <efs>Sometimes I wish he’d just tell me to leave him alone and versus me leaving but hoping to have him back at the same time.<efe>
| 2
| 1
| 2
| null | null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
how did your FP triggering you make you feel
| null | null | null | true
| 212
|
elo4u2
|
Quitting cold turkey... failed
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0
|
rant
| 1
|
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
|
wuzzylove
| 1
| 0
| 30
|
2020-01-08 05:10:19
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OpiatesRecovery
|
<es>Quitting cold turkey... failed<ee>
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
why you failed to quit
|
How did X make you feel?
|
not taking the cold turkey
|
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you failed to quit cold turkey
| null | true
| 100
|
el7xjz
|
I just want a dad, you know?
|
1a
|
rant
| 1
|
My bio dad’s been out the picture for a long time, and my stepdad’s am alcoholic. Mom isn’t much better, but I’ve kinda just given up on her a long time ago-
The people I see as father figures now are people like my teachers and stuff, but I don’t want to burden them with any of my father issues. I’m changing schools next year anyway. I’m just so tired of being alone all the time.
I just want someone to tell me they’re proud of me and not get mad when I ask for help, not call me weak for crying and help me with my math homework because it’s hard and I don’t understand it-
I know I’m rambling, I’m sorry, I’m just really upset right now, I feel so alone nowadays...
|
DangitKaisen
| 1
| 0
| 11
|
2020-01-07 06:54:42
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sad
|
<es>My bio dad’s been out the picture for a long time, and my stepdad’s am alcoholic.<ee> <es>Mom isn’t much better, but I’ve kinda just given up on her a long time ago-<ee> <es>The people I see as father figures now are people like my teachers and stuff, but I don’t want to burden them with any of my father issues.<ee> <es>I’m changing schools next year anyway.<ee> <efs>I’m just so tired of being alone all the time. <efe> <rs>I just want someone to tell me they’re proud of me and not get mad when I ask for help, not call me weak for crying and help me with my math homework because it’s hard and I don’t understand it-<re> <efs>I know I’m rambling, I’m sorry, I’m just really upset right now, I feel so alone nowadays...<efe>
| 2
| 2
| 2
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null | null | true
| 222
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eizuvg
|
My first fat cut
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0
|
help-seeking
| 1
|
Obvious TW. So I cut myself about 7 hours into the new decade. Fun times. I was pretty shitfaced and out of an impulse I swiped at my leg with a (fortunately relatively dull) razorblade. It's about 10 inches long and I could see fat on a few parts but mostly styro. Before I ever only barely hit styro so I was quite panicking and just covered it up with some sterile gauze and went to sleep. In the evening the next day I opened the dressing and used steristrips to close it. It now only looks like a line and is just barely opened. Moral of the story: Everybody on here should own and know how to use steristrips. My question is just: How long should I leave it steri-stripped? And should I change them out?
|
gghhddvv
| 1
| 0
| 12
|
2020-01-02 15:49:15
|
selfharm
|
Obvious TW. <es>So I cut myself about 7 hours into the new decade.<ee> Fun times. <es>I was pretty shitfaced and out of an impulse I swiped at my leg with a (fortunately relatively dull) razorblade.<ee> <es>It's about 10 inches long and I could see fat on a few parts but mostly styro.<ee> <es>Before I ever only barely hit styro so I was quite panicking and just covered it up with some sterile gauze and went to sleep.<ee> <es>In the evening the next day I opened the dressing and used steristrips to close it.<ee> <es>It now only looks like a line and is just barely opened.<ee> Moral of the story: Everybody on here should own and know how to use steristrips. <rs>My question is just: How long should I leave it steri-stripped?<re> <rs>And should I change them out?<re>
| 1
| 0
| 2
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
why did you cut yourself
|
How did X make you feel?
|
cutting yourself
| null | null | null | true
| 102
|
ej1cax
|
Using my friends
|
1b
|
rant
| 1
|
Anyone else feel like after they hang out with people that they just used them for fun, like if the person didn't want to do anything exciting they were boring and you wish you'd chose a different person to hang out with? Like I feel like my life has to be full of excitement every time I hang out with someone and I end up forcing people into extroverted activities when they are clearly are introverts and just wanted to chill. They consider just chilling quality time but I dont. I have to be doing something exciting for it to be interesting and enjoyable for me. Or start super deep conversations that no one except me wanted to know the answers too. I feel like I use my friends for my own excitement cause I don't like doing exciting things on my own.
|
lonelymoon212
| 1
| 0
| 3
|
2020-01-02 17:40:00
|
ADHD
|
<es>Anyone else feel like after they hang out with people that they just used them for fun, like if the person didn't want to do anything exciting they were boring and you wish you'd chose a different person to hang out with?<ee> <efs>Like I feel like my life has to be full of excitement every time I hang out with someone and I end up forcing people into extroverted activities when they are clearly are introverts and just wanted to chill.<efe> <es> They consider just chilling quality time but I don't.<ee> <es>I have to be doing something exciting for it to be interesting and enjoyable for me.<ee> <es>Or start super deep conversations that no one except me wanted to know the answers too.<ee> <efs>I feel like I use my friends for my own excitement cause I don't like doing exciting things on my own.<efe>
| 2
| 2
| 0
| null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true
| 220
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enpag9
|
I need to stop masturbation any tips
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 1
|
I wouldn't say I masturbate constantly it's once a day. A few years ago I was abusing pills and some of you guys definitely know how masturbation goes while on uppers and just pills in general. During this time I would masturbate so often that the tip of my dick would hurt and know even masturbating at all still makes it hurt. I have gone on breaks for a month but it doesn't heal. I just wanna hear suggestions to how to stop. I he e quit pills for 3 months now is it similar to quitting pills like distracting myself and finding better shit to do
|
tabkid
| 1
| 0
| 5
|
2020-01-12 16:11:55
|
addiction
|
<es>I wouldn't say I masturbate constantly it's once a day.<ee> <es>A few years ago I was abusing pills and some of you guys definitely know how masturbation goes while on uppers and just pills in general.<ee> <efs>During this time I would masturbate so often that the tip of my dick would hurt and know even masturbating at all still makes it hurt.<efe> <efs>I have gone on breaks for a month but it doesn't heal.<efe> <rs>I just wanna hear suggestions to how to stop.<re> <rs>I he e quit pills for 3 months now is it similar to quitting pills like distracting myself and finding better shit to do<re>
| 1
| 2
| 2
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
what makes you want to masturbate
| null | null | null | null | null | true
| 122
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eku5p8
|
I am so sick of my self medicating self aware self sustaining addiction to death
|
1a
|
rant
| 4
|
"Self awareness is just talk, you can't know who you are until you become it." -Devil
Oh my god I just realized that I'm the devil, I'm a coke addict lying to my family, friends, ex-lovers, myself, and the rest of the world that I'm trying to get better. Yet in between the inhales of coke in one snort and the exhales of snot, I'm still looking for that missing piece.
I'm still searching the floor pathetically from the crumbs and desiring for more. I know how this came about, how I became a coke slinging mind numbing and thought bending construct. I started by destroying my sense of self, isolating through depression, and crippled with anxiety I tried to medicate my-self away and tried to keep walking forward until I would trip over it.
Because the dumbest thing in the world is to escape the inevitable, change. So I'm the fucking devil, I'm the one manifesting into these shitty futures by hiding in my room like a goblin. I'm the asshole who chose drugs over my girlfriend and then my boyfriend, and then my mother, and then my sisters, and then my friends.
I'm that dick and I refuse to take responsibility for my-self, I've been trying to get that thing away from me and when I stopped therapy I realized just how flawed and hopeless I am. I am so frighteningly self aware that I live with crippling anxiety that morphs into depression and became the face of my hopelessness in addiction. I've gotten better in some sense, I've only done a gram this week.
My all time high was 4g in 2 days and Perocet pills scattered throughout and filling the gaps with random psychedelics to reflect on my glory days. Well I have a message to deliver to you, you hurt yourself by never asking for help.
You die endlessly and pointlessly by wasting your time, everything you made is meaningless and if anything harmful to your well being. Why do you choose to live like this? Give me a fucking reason, or get out town tonight and get a job, go back to school and learn something this time, and if you don't do something then shut up.
"I saw all the signs but I didn't do anything, this was going to be a problem from the beginning. I wish I had better guides and tried to combine awareness with hope." -God
I'm lying I'm not really god, because I did have good guides and awareness, I just didn't have hope. I want to get better and honestly for myself because I'm too much of a dumb shit to kill myself already so I might as well just try to live for myself for once.
All this came to ahead when I tripped on acid last week and I had this weird moment where everyone in my life was looking straight at me but there eyes were darted away. Like they didn't want to look at me and I wanted to get angry that they weren't looking at me, no one was seeing my suffering.
I was like a little kid threatening to die but slowly because she was too much a child to go through with it. When you see someone jump and almost hit the pavement, empathy makes you close your eyes at the last second. To spare you the trauma.
God I can't believe I ever thought it was anyone else's fault, everyone I love tried to help me but I never wanted any of that. I am struggling constantly in a process of having faith in the cocaine and loneliness as a substitute for everything I've lost,
"There's no going back now, the only way for me to continue is forward" and "I want to back and change everything I did wrong"
Neither of these are realistic conclusions on how to deal with life, I am hopefully going to start therapy again this month and try to find new habits to establish and learn to circumvent this cycle of depression-anxiety-hopelessness-drug abuse backflip justify everything rinse and repeat reflect what have I done! HEY FUCK YOU, I'M DONE.
|
I-Concentrate-E
| 1
| 0
| 9
|
2020-01-06 13:29:39
|
addiction
|
"Self awareness is just talk, you can't know who you are until you become it." -Devil Oh my god I just realized that I'm the devil, I'm a coke addict lying to my family, friends, ex-lovers, myself, and the rest of the world that I'm trying to get better. Yet in between the inhales of coke in one snort and the exhales of snot, I'm still looking for that missing piece. I'm still searching the floor pathetically from the crumbs and desiring for more. I know how this came about, how I became a coke slinging mind numbing and thought bending construct. I started by destroying my sense of self, isolating through depression, and crippled with anxiety I tried to medicate my-self away and tried to keep walking forward until I would trip over it. Because the dumbest thing in the world is to escape the inevitable, change. So I'm the fucking devil, I'm the one manifesting into these shitty futures by hiding in my room like a goblin. I'm the asshole who chose drugs over my girlfriend and then my boyfriend, and then my mother, and then my sisters, and then my friends. I'm that dick and I refuse to take responsibility for my-self, I've been trying to get that thing away from me and when I stopped therapy I realized just how flawed and hopeless I am. I am so frighteningly self aware that I live with crippling anxiety that morphs into depression and became the face of my hopelessness in addiction. I've gotten better in some sense, I've only done a gram this week. My all time high was 4g in 2 days and Perocet pills scattered throughout and filling the gaps with random psychedelics to reflect on my glory days. Well I have a message to deliver to you, you hurt yourself by never asking for help. You die endlessly and pointlessly by wasting your time, everything you made is meaningless and if anything harmful to your well being. Why do you choose to live like this? Give me a fucking reason, or get out town tonight and get a job, go back to school and learn something this time, and if you don't do something then shut up. "I saw all the signs but I didn't do anything, this was going to be a problem from the beginning. I wish I had better guides and tried to combine awareness with hope." -God I'm lying I'm not really god, because I did have good guides and awareness, I just didn't have hope. I want to get better and honestly for myself because I'm too much of a dumb shit to kill myself already so I might as well just try to live for myself for once. All this came to ahead when I tripped on acid last week and I had this weird moment where everyone in my life was looking straight at me but there eyes were darted away. Like they didn't want to look at me and I wanted to get angry that they weren't looking at me, no one was seeing my suffering. I was like a little kid threatening to die but slowly because she was too much a child to go through with it. When you see someone jump and almost hit the pavement, empathy makes you close your eyes at the last second. To spare you the trauma. God I can't believe I ever thought it was anyone else's fault, everyone I love tried to help me but I never wanted any of that. I am struggling constantly in a process of having faith in the cocaine and loneliness as a substitute for everything I've lost, "There's no going back now, the only way for me to continue is forward" and "I want to back and change everything I did wrong" Neither of these are realistic conclusions on how to deal with life, I am hopefully going to start therapy again this month and try to find new habits to establish and learn to circumvent this cycle of depression-anxiety-hopelessness-drug abuse backflip justify everything rinse and repeat reflect what have I done! HEY FUCK YOU, I'M DONE.
| 0
| 0
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true
| 0
|
eitu6c
|
[Video] Amazing World.
|
0
|
chitchat
| 4
| null |
submitsky
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
2020-01-02 05:17:33
|
selfhelp
| null | 0
| 0
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
Statement in title. Not a post
| true
| 0
|
eo0ttx
|
Losing Myself..
|
1a
|
rant
| 3
|
I think there may be something wrong with me.
I can’t seem to find happiness anywhere during the times of school when I go. All I can seem to see from miles away is the homework that I haven’t finished as a result of my excessive napping that I need, lack of sleep and exercise, and more. When I put this all down, the answer seems obvious: I’ve obviously done this to myself: no self control, no exercise. Of course this shit’s gonna happen to you. On top of a bad diet, tat’s the perfect combo for depression. For context, I am female and 17 years old.
All I can feel is sadness. Maybe this is just because it’s 1:52 am and I still need to study, but may maybe that’s the fucking problem isn’t? That I haven’t done any of my work in the past 72 hours (or most of it I guess) because of my lack of self control. I tell myself everyday that I’ll grind the next day when I don’t and end up going to sleep covered in guilt. My dad works hard everyday with hours much longer than the average person so we can get a good education. He’s immigrated here and has been here for the past 21 years and for what? A failure child who can’t get their shit together long enough to get high ninety grades. All I feel is guilt but I don’t want to seem like I have depression; it’s such a commonly used term now in social media and is flung out so freely that I don’t know what classifies as depression. I feel like I’d need to be clinically diagnosed before I could actually believe that or else the placebo effect with take over me. There are so many different things that are wrong with me that could be easily fixed if I just had the motivation but it’s so far gone, it feels like I’ve never had any motivation at all to begin with. Ever since I was a child I cannot remember finding the drive that for example, Harvard students do. I go to a school where academics are extremely important. Imagine your asian neighbour winning the science fair, national award for gold. Those are the kinds of people I go to school with. My family is Chinese. My dad was a poor farmer, poor to the point where they could eat meat only once a month and got twenty five cents for Chinese new year (equivalent to Christmas). Combined together, that’s a whole lot of fucking stress for me to bear. I could easily do it if I didn’t feel exhausted after school every day and passing out for around two hours. I tell myself every time I succumb to that nap that it’s to make up the 6 hours of sleep I got the night prior and that if I nap for 2 hours then that technically means 8 hours of sleep. Of course, again, once I wake up I feel tired and procrastinate til suddenly 7:00 rolls around and I’m behind on homework for at least 4 classes for around 5 days now. Now how pathetic is that?
But maybe I’m writing this so that I see myself in a negative point of view. Maybe I’m writing this to seem more sad than I really am. Let’s put my life into perspective. I have an extremely loving family, with a mom that cooks everyday for around 2-3 hours just so I can eat a little bit of it and claim I’m full because I’m trying not to gain as much weight. I have two beautiful and hilarious sisters that I always end up making mad because I’m always mad. And I have a younger brother who I’ve tried to shape into the ideal student but hasn’t been working. Lately I feel more like a mom to him than my actual mom and I always just feel disappointed with him because he doesn’t do the things that I’ve told him. Finally, I have the best dad in the world who works so so hard and is the most selfless person ever. He studied his ASS off in china so that he could move out of the farming village, graduate from school, only to immigrate to Canada for a better future. I live in a wonderful house with anything I could possible want, like running water, food beyond anyone’s dreams and yet the only thing dragging me down is my lack of motivation. My life is as easy as it gets, and yet I’m still fucking it up.
While this seems so dramatic, I guess I’m just pouring out my feelings in a 2am, sleep & caffeine deprived state while studying for an inconsequential test that I won’t remember in 10 years. But hey, the internet said to write down your feelings to help cope, right?
I can’t even stand to read this. I could go on and on about the bad stuff about me. But that would take hours to get all out. Maybe it’ll be like the Ouroboros in ACOWAR, where she has to find out about her true self as a leopard through the magic mirror and accept herself after cries and screams. Or maybe it’ll just never go away and I’ll be sad until I get therapy and medication.
I used to be a social butterfly when I was older. Now, I stumble over my words and don't know how to properly make friends anymore, because all I do is procrastinate and do school work. My friends that I do have are very snakey/annoying and easily piss me off with the things they do. One of them has the biggest ego in the world. Think Brie Larson but bigger. The other always fishes for compliments and calls themselves stupid. Those are my two closest friends, and yet they are the ones that bother me the most.
I’m tired of being bitter. I’m tired of being angry. I want things to change but I don’t know how.
P.S. I have had reddit for five minutes and do not know if this is appropriate or not to post. If so, please let me know and I will remove this immediately.
|
willowskiz
| 1
| 0
| 5
|
2020-01-13 07:15:20
|
selfhelp
|
<efs>I think there may be something wrong with me. <efe> <es>I can’t seem to find happiness anywhere during the times of school when I go.<ee> <es>All I can seem to see from miles away is the homework that I haven’t finished as a result of my excessive napping that I need, lack of sleep and exercise, and more.<ee> <es>When I put this all down, the answer seems obvious: I’ve obviously done this to myself: no self control, no exercise.<ee> <es>Of course this shit’s gonna happen to you.<ee> <es>On top of a bad diet, tat’s the perfect combo for depression.<ee> <es>For context, I am female and 17 years old. <ee> <efs>All I can feel is sadness.<efe> <es>Maybe this is just because it’s 1:52 am and I still need to study, but may maybe that’s the fucking problem isn’t?<ee> <es>That I haven’t done any of my work in the past 72 hours (or most of it I guess) because of my lack of self control.<ee> <es>I tell myself everyday that I’ll grind the next day when I don’t and end up going to sleep covered in guilt.<ee> <es>My dad works hard everyday with hours much longer than the average person so we can get a good education.<ee> <es>He’s immigrated here and has been here for the past 21 years and for what?<ee> <es>A failure child who can’t get their shit together long enough to get high ninety grades.<ee> <efs>All I feel is guilt but I don’t want to seem like I have depression; it’s such a commonly used term now in social media and is flung out so freely that I don’t know what classifies as depression.<efe> <efs>I feel like I’d need to be clinically diagnosed before I could actually believe that or else the placebo effect with take over me.<efe> <efs>There are so many different things that are wrong with me that could be easily fixed if I just had the motivation but it’s so far gone, it feels like I’ve never had any motivation at all to begin with.<efe> <es>Ever since I was a child I cannot remember finding the drive that for example, Harvard students do.<ee> <es>I go to a school where academics are extremely important.<ee> <es>Imagine your asian neighbour winning the science fair, national award for gold.<ee> <es>Those are the kinds of people I go to school with.<ee> <es>My family is Chinese.<ee> <es>My dad was a poor farmer, poor to the point where they could eat meat only once a month and got twenty five cents for Chinese new year (equivalent to Christmas).<ee> <efs>Combined together, that’s a whole lot of fucking stress for me to bear.<efe> <efs>I could easily do it if I didn’t feel exhausted after school every day and passing out for around two hours.<efe> <es>I tell myself every time I succumb to that nap that it’s to make up the 6 hours of sleep I got the night prior and that if I nap for 2 hours then that technically means 8 hours of sleep.<ee> <es>Of course, again, once I wake up I feel tired and procrastinate til suddenly 7:00 rolls around and I’m behind on homework for at least 4 classes for around 5 days now.<ee> <efs>Now how pathetic is that?<efe> <efs>But maybe I’m writing this so that I see myself in a negative point of view.<efe> <efs>Maybe I’m writing this to seem more sad than I really am.<efe> Let’s put my life into perspective. <es>I have an extremely loving family, with a mom that cooks everyday for around 2-3 hours just so I can eat a little bit of it and claim I’m full because I’m trying not to gain as much weight.<ee> <es>I have two beautiful and hilarious sisters that I always end up making mad because I’m always mad.<ee> <es>And I have a younger brother who I’ve tried to shape into the ideal student but hasn’t been working.<ee> <efs>Lately I feel more like a mom to him than my actual mom and I always just feel disappointed with him because he doesn’t do the things that I’ve told him.<efe> <es>Finally, I have the best dad in the world who works so so hard and is the most selfless person ever.<ee> <es>He studied his ASS off in china so that he could move out of the farming village, graduate from school, only to immigrate to Canada for a better future.<ee> <es>I live in a wonderful house with anything I could possible want, like running water, food beyond anyone’s dreams and yet the only thing dragging me down is my lack of motivation.<ee> <es>My life is as easy as it gets, and yet I’m still fucking it up.<ee> <es>While this seems so dramatic, I guess I’m just pouring out my feelings in a 2am, sleep & caffeine deprived state while studying for an inconsequential test that I won’t remember in 10 years.<ee> But hey, the internet said to write down your feelings to help cope, right? I can’t even stand to read this. I could go on and on about the bad stuff about me. But that would take hours to get all out. Maybe it’ll be like the Ouroboros in ACOWAR, where she has to find out about her true self as a leopard through the magic mirror and accept herself after cries and screams. Or maybe it’ll just never go away and I’ll be sad until I get therapy and medication. <es>I used to be a social butterfly when I was older.<ee> <es>Now, I stumble over my words and don't know how to properly make friends anymore, because all I do is procrastinate and do school work.<ee> <efs>My friends that I do have are very snakey/annoying and easily piss me off with the things they do.<efe> <es>One of them has the biggest ego in the world.<ee> Think Brie Larson but bigger. <es>The other always fishes for compliments and calls themselves stupid.<ee> <es>Those are my two closest friends, and yet they are the ones that bother me the most. <ee> <efs>I’m tired of being bitter.<efe> <efs>I’m tired of being angry.<efe> <rs>I want things to change but I don’t know how. <re> P.S. I have had reddit for five minutes and do not know if this is appropriate or not to post. If so, please let me know and I will remove this immediately.
| 2
| 2
| 1
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
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what would make you motivated and happy
| null | true
| 221
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eodics
|
I need to stop crying about this...
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1a
|
rant
| 1
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/eo8ex4/triggers_and_absent_father/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
|
95girl
| 1
| 0
| 1
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2020-01-14 00:52:22
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getting_over_it
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/eo8ex4/triggers_and_absent_father/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
| 0
| 0
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true
| 0
|
epkljn
|
How do I forgive myself for what I've done?
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 2
|
There is a lot more information in my post history, but the gist of what I've done is that I hid my porn addiction from my wife for 5 years. I lied to her, manipulated her, gaslit her, and made her feel crazy within herself. We've been talking every day for nearly every spare minute, and we have been working on us and on me. Things are going well, she has forgiven me and has promised to help me through this. She's been so amazing throughout this entire process. She was so amazing throughout our entire relationship.
On my road to self-improvement, I've hit a snag. I can't forgive myself. At times, all that repeats in my head is, "I'm sorry," and, "I can't believe I've done this," hundreds of times a minute. I have so many of these thoughts that they influence my outward words and actions. I've been trying to be strong for my wife and confident with her, but these intrusive, deep levels of guilt have been causing me to breakdown during our discussions. I don't want to keep burdening her with fixing me and my issues. I'll be having open discussions with her one moment, and the next I'm bawling because I've hurt her more than anyone else in her life. I've betrayed her so deeply and there is so much pain in her heart. I feel it and I become overwhelmed. I have been burying my sense of empathy for years, so I'm not sure if this is just my sense of empathy coming back after finally being honest with her.
I'm worried that I'm a damaged person. I worry that the damage I've done to my mental habits will take forever to heal and the knowledge that my wife will deal with the brunt of it spirals me down that same path of guilt. I still find myself subconsciously wording things to either put myself on a pedestal or to make myself seem just a little bit better. Mental habits like this also send me down that spiral as they happen because they make me feel like such a terrible person. I've tried to apologize every time and recognize when it happens, but if I'm doing it subconsciously, I know it's still coming through and that kills me. I worry about what hiding myself for 5 years has done to my soul. My wife has said she forgave me and that I need to forgive myself, but I can't. Every time I try to, I go down that spiral of guilt, self-hate, and pain.
|
throwaway23WE
| 1
| 0
| 23
|
2020-01-16 15:12:52
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selfhelp
|
<rs>How do I forgive myself for what I've done?<re> <es>There is a lot more information in my post history, but the gist of what I've done is that I hid my porn addiction from my wife for 5 years.<ee> <es>I lied to her, manipulated her, gaslit her, and made her feel crazy within herself.<ee> <es>We've been talking every day for nearly every spare minute, and we have been working on us and on me.<ee> <es>Things are going well, she has forgiven me and has promised to help me through this.<ee> <es>She's been so amazing throughout this entire process.<ee> <es>She was so amazing throughout our entire relationship.<ee> <es>On my road to self-improvement, I've hit a snag.<ee> <es>I can't forgive myself.<ee> <es>At times, all that repeats in my head is, "I'm sorry," and, "I can't believe I've done this," hundreds of times a minute.<ee> <es>I have so many of these thoughts that they influence my outward words and actions.<ee> <efs>I've been trying to be strong for my wife and confident with her, but these intrusive, deep levels of guilt have been causing me to breakdown during our discussions.<efe> <rs>I don't want to keep burdening her with fixing me and my issues.<re> <es>I'll be having open discussions with her one moment, and the next I'm bawling because I've hurt her more than anyone else in her life.<ee> <es>I've betrayed her so deeply and there is so much pain in her heart.<ee> <efs>I feel it and I become overwhelmed.<efe> <efs>I have been burying my sense of empathy for years, so I'm not sure if this is just my sense of empathy coming back after finally being honest with her.<efe> <efs>I'm worried that I'm a damaged person.<efe> <efs>I worry that the damage I've done to my mental habits will take forever to heal and the knowledge that my wife will deal with the brunt of it spirals me down that same path of guilt.<efe> <es>I still find myself subconsciously wording things to either put myself on a pedestal or to make myself seem just a little bit better.<ee> <efs>Mental habits like this also send me down that spiral as they happen because they make me feel like such a terrible person.<efe> <es>I've tried to apologize every time and recognize when it happens, but if I'm doing it subconsciously, I know it's still coming through and that kills me.<ee> <es>I worry about what hiding myself for 5 years has done to my soul.<ee> <es>My wife has said she forgave me and that I need to forgive myself, but I can't.<ee> <efs>Every time I try to, I go down that spiral of guilt, self-hate, and pain.<efe>
| 2
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| null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true
| 222
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elpypy
|
Update: I (28f) had to break up with my boyfriend (33m) because he crossed a boundary and I am completely heart broken
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0
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help-seeking
| 2
|
[original post here](https://www.reddit.com/r/OpiatesRecovery/comments/el7t1n/i_28f_had_to_break_up_with_my_boyfriend_33m/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Update: I broke up with him today. We both shed so many tears. He told me he plans to go to NA for 30 straight days and get a sponsor. He says he wants to do this, because he wants to get back together with me. He also said he’s going to look into therapy. He is hoping his insurance covers it. I am excited for his journey, but I am also sad that we aren’t together.
He asked if we could still see eachother 2-3 times a week. I told him I didn’t want to fall back into a relationship, but I support him and his sobriety. Instead, for now, we decided to meet up for coffee or to ride bikes once a week. No coming over, no sleep overs. I just want him to know that I believe in him, and I want to hear the growth and the trials he is facing as he works towards sobriety. He also has no friends really in our city.
I am worried though, am I enabling him still by seeing him once a week? I want to support him, not ever enable him. I want him to truly know he has to change. At the end of the day, it will always be his choice to be sober. But, is me staying in his life once a week somehow make him think that it’s ok to use again? Maybe I’m over thinking this, but I want to support him the best way possible. Is it better if we both just stop seeing eachother? Any advice would help. Thank you all for listening.
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Dannixfresh
| 1
| 0
| 3
|
2020-01-08 08:19:48
|
OpiatesRecovery
|
<es>Update: I (28f) had to break up with my boyfriend (33m) because he crossed a boundary and I am completely heart broken<ee> [original post here](https://www.reddit.com/r/OpiatesRecovery/comments/el7t1n/i_28f_had_to_break_up_with_my_boyfriend_33m/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) <es>Update: I broke up with him today.<ee> <efs>We both shed so many tears.<efe> <es>He told me he plans to go to NA for 30 straight days and get a sponsor.<ee> <es>He says he wants to do this, because he wants to get back together with me.<ee> <es>He also said he’s going to look into therapy.<ee> <es>He is hoping his insurance covers it.<ee> <efs>I am excited for his journey, but I am also sad that we aren’t together. <efe> <es>He asked if we could still see eachother 2-3 times a week.<ee> <es>I told him I didn’t want to fall back into a relationship, but I support him and his sobriety.<ee> <es>Instead, for now, we decided to meet up for coffee or to ride bikes once a week.<ee> <es>No coming over, no sleep overs.<ee> <es>I just want him to know that I believe in him, and I want to hear the growth and the trials he is facing as he works towards sobriety.<ee> <es>He also has no friends really in our city. <ee> <efs>I am worried though.<efe> <rs>am I enabling him still by seeing him once a week?<re> <rs>I want to support him, not ever enable him.<re> <rs>I want him to truly know he has to change.<re> At the end of the day, it will always be his choice to be sober. <rs>But, is me staying in his life once a week somehow make him think that it’s ok to use again?<re> <rs>Maybe I’m over thinking this, but I want to support him the best way possible.<re> <rs>Is it better if we both just stop seeing each other?<re> <rs>Any advice would help.<re> Thank you all for listening.
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| 222
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eikqmo
|
Damn I feel like I’ll never belong
|
1a
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rant
| 2
|
I posted to one of my favorite subreddits (tw; self harm). Someone asked if they needed stitches, and I’ve been in this situation way too many times, so I asked them to pm me a pic and I’ll help them out rather than triggering everyone else. This is not against the rules as they are written, so I technically didn’t do anything wrong, but thst makes me feel worse, and like the whole subreddit hates me. I got a message from the mods with my temp ban saying I’m not a doctor and my help can hurt more than anything. It can’t. I recommended both these people to urgent care rooms. Neither where serious enough for hospitalization and I was also super out of it. One person steri stripped theirs sh it and I helped them through it, and the other person covered theirs up well. I don’t remember much of last night except for that I was really fighting the urges, and then I woke up feeling better and saw this. This is the only subreddit I belong in, and that gives me that feeling of welcomeness and makes me feel better and I fit it, and now I feel like they all fucking hate me because of my stupid ass not being good enough.
|
SocietySoreToTheEye
| 1
| 0
| 1
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2020-01-01 17:17:17
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BPD
|
<es>I posted to one of my favorite subreddits (tw; self harm).<ee> <es>Someone asked if they needed stitches, and I’ve been in this situation way too many times, so I asked them to pm me a pic and I’ll help them out rather than triggering everyone else.<ee> <efs>This is not against the rules as they are written, so I technically didn’t do anything wrong, but thst makes me feel worse, and like the whole subreddit hates me.<efe> <es>I got a message from the mods with my temp ban saying I’m not a doctor and my help can hurt more than anything.<ee> <es>It can’t.<ee> <es>I recommended both these people to urgent care rooms.<ee> <es>Neither where serious enough for hospitalization and I was also super out of it.<ee> <es>One person steri stripped theirs sh it and I helped them through it, and the other person covered theirs up well.<ee> <es>I don’t remember much of last night except for that I was really fighting the urges, and then I woke up feeling better and saw this.<ee> <efs>This is the only subreddit I belong in, and that gives me that feeling of welcomeness and makes me feel better and I fit it, and now I feel like they all fucking hate me because of my stupid ass not being good enough.<efe>
| 2
| 2
| 0
| null | null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
your comment on the subreddit triggered everyone
| null | true
| 220
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ejeviw
|
Friendship Advice
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1a
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help-seeking
| 2
|
I started this on New Year's Eve, didn't get around to finishing it until now. Better late than never. Apologies if this is all over the place, I don't know where to start.
I suffer from pretty bad anxiety, and very rarely (if at all) make first contact with someone because I'm paranoid that they don't like me. No exceptions to this rule, unfortunately. Even a "hi, how are you?" makes me feel like I messed up!
I have a friend who has become distant from me recently and I don't know how to feel about it. Over the last year, it's become obvious that he has no interest in continuing with the friendship, and I'm trying to move on but I'm finding it difficult because I'm always hoping he'll message me or something.
The turning point was when I asked him on a Sunday if he wanted to do anything during the following week and he declined. The very next day, he told me that he and a mutual friend were going out... in 15 minutes. I got 15 minutes notice after he declined the day before, so I assumed it was only an invite to save face. After that, I stopped messaging him and things fell apart from there.
I don't know what I want. I recently told him some of this but nothing has really changed so it's officially over, I'm just looking to be ok with it and move on with my life. I always felt like I was a burden to him so it's actually better for me.
Also, am I in the wrong for being upset with the turning point? My counsellor said I read too much into it but I really don't think I did.
All thoughts, opinions, advice etc. are welcome, I need as many perspectives as possible :)
|
CorkDork2
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
2020-01-03 12:38:30
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socialanxiety
|
I started this on New Year's Eve, didn't get around to finishing it until now. Better late than never. Apologies if this is all over the place, I don't know where to start. <es>I suffer from pretty bad anxiety, and very rarely (if at all) make first contact with someone because I'm paranoid that they don't like me.<ee> <efs>No exceptions to this rule, unfortunately. Even a "hi, how are you?" makes me feel like I messed up!<efe> <es>I have a friend who has become distant from me recently and I don't know how to feel about it.<ee> <es>Over the last year, it's become obvious that he has no interest in continuing with the friendship, and I'm trying to move on but I'm finding it difficult because I'm always hoping he'll message me or something.<ee> <es>The turning point was when I asked him on a Sunday if he wanted to do anything during the following week and he declined.<ee> <es>The very next day, he told me that he and a mutual friend were going out... in 15 minutes.<ee> <es>I got 15 minutes notice after he declined the day before, so I assumed it was only an invite to save face.<ee> <es>After that, I stopped messaging him and things fell apart from there.<ee> I don't know what I want. <es>I recently told him some of this but nothing has really changed so it's officially over, I'm just looking to be ok with it and move on with my life.<ee> <efs>I always felt like I was a burden to him so it's actually better for me.<efe> <efs>Also, am I in the wrong for being upset with the turning point?<efe> My counsellor said I read too much into it but I really don't think I did. <rs>All thoughts, opinions, advice etc. are welcome, I need as many perspectives as possible :)<re>
| 2
| 2
| 1
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
what would help you overcome the sadness
| null | true
| 221
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eih9kn
|
Spent New Year’s Eve in the ER
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0
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rant
| 1
|
I’ve been sick with bronchitis and the cough is killing me. I saw the doctor for it and it’s not really a problem. However, around midnight I was watching TV and had a bad coughing fit. Felt like I couldn’t breathe and I lost it.
I was afraid to take my clonopin because I got this idea it would interact with the other shit I’m taking. By the time I get to the ER, I’m a shaking, crying mess feeling like I’m gonna die.
Everything worked out, but my attacks are getting more frequent and severe. It’s embarrassing. I took 2 sick days last month because of anxiety.
|
TheMeatWhistle45
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
2020-01-01 11:05:30
|
Anxiety
|
<es>I’ve been sick with bronchitis and the cough is killing me.<ee> <es>I saw the doctor for it and it’s not really a problem.<ee> <es>However, around midnight I was watching TV and had a bad coughing fit.<ee> <efs>Felt like I couldn’t breathe and I lost it. <efe> <efs>I was afraid to take my clonopin because I got this idea it would interact with the other shit I’m taking.<efe> <efs>By the time I get to the ER, I’m a shaking, crying mess feeling like I’m gonna die.<efe> <es>Everything worked out, but my attacks are getting more frequent and severe.<ee> <efs>It’s embarrassing.<efe> <es>I took 2 sick days last month because of anxiety.<ee>
| 2
| 2
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you anxiety attacks are increasing
| null | true
| 220
|
eic8wr
|
NYE Tradition: freak out at 11:53 because your year wasn’t great and your NYE isn’t all that either.
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0
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chitchat
| 1
|
Then get over it by the next morning.
Anybody else?
|
runsanditspaidfor
| 1
| 0
| 1
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2020-01-01 01:44:19
|
Anxiety
|
Then get over it by the next morning. Anybody else?
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
why your year and the new year wasn't great
|
How did X make you feel?
|
the new year
|
What do you need help with now that X?
|
your past year wasn't good
| null | true
| 100
|
ej5lsa
|
What song makes u cry every time?
|
0
|
survey
| 1
| null |
Cassy222
| 1
| 0
| 14
|
2020-01-02 22:37:57
|
sad
| null | 0
| 0
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true
| 0
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ei9xg7
|
I took cyanide, but I survived
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0
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rant
| 3
|
I suffered from chronic depression for years, and I have decided to end my life with potassium cyanide. Before I took it, I have already extensively researched about cyanide, such as its taste, lethal dose, side effects, and solubility. On top of that, I also watched some documentaries about the chemical on youtube. I also have calculated the lethal dose for me, and decided to take 6 times more than the LD just to be sure it will end me quickly since small dosage will result to agonizing death.
On the predetermined date, I took care all of my things, cleaned up all my trash and apartment, and wrote all my notes and sent them via scheduled emails. I was ready.
The cyanide I had was in the crystal form. Since it has a very strong unpleasant taste (per my research online), I decided to mask it with the aid of soda. So, I dissolved the cyanide crystal in the soda, and it fizzed up immediately, permeating a very strong pungent stench. Before I drank the soda, I was quite nervous and took me about an hour before finally drinking the whole bottle of soda.
The taste was exactly what has been described online. It was acrid/ burning with a very strong floral/ almond-y after taste on the back of the throat. It was indeed very unpleasant, but the soda definitely helped a bit. A minute after consuming it, my heart rate suddenly increased rapidly, and I began experiencing light-headedness. Soon after, I felt tingling sensation on both of my hands and legs. My extremities were cold, but strangely enough, my chest was very hot radiating outside. I was trying to get to sleep, but I could not since my heart was beating so fast. Then, out of a sudden, I lost consciousness for more than 2 hours.
As soon as I woke up, I thought I was in heaven until the residual light-headedness kicked in, and I felt a little pain on my left abdomen. I could still walk just fine with no trouble. But, above all these, I felt ashamed, regret, upset, and disappointed. Also, my scheduled emails were sent after I woke up, so unfortunately I couldn't retract what have been sent. My family replied my emails, but they are just being their usual self, i.e. nonchalant and undisturbed.
After I took a couple of days to rest, I no longer felt any headache and my stomach was just fine. My excrement was a little reddish (I guess it was from the internal bleeding of my GI) and my urine was amber in color. But, after a few days, everything went back to normal except my mental health. I still feel depression and suicidal every single day. and this failure reminds me every single day. I am still struggling every single day, but hopefully the year 2020 will be a better year for me.
Obviously, I was confused of what went wrong. my theory is that the carbonic acid in the soda reacts with potassium cyanide, resulting to hydrogen cyanide in the fume. Since I waited for around 1 hour before I drank it, most of the hydrogen cyanide escaped in gas, leaving a little trace of it in the drink. Thus, the dosage I took was probably way below the LD.
I hope everyone who is reading this will need to think twice before attempting suicide. I am lucky enough that I went unscathed. From what I read, the side effect of consuming cyanide is much much worse if you survive. Happy new year, everybody, and I hope you have a better year ahead of you.
TL;DR: I took cyanide. it tasted horrible, but I survived and went back to physically normal after a few days of rest.
|
justanobody1232
| 1
| 0
| 4
|
2019-12-31 22:33:54
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depression
|
<es>I suffered from chronic depression for years, and I have decided to end my life with potassium cyanide.<ee> Before I took it, I have already extensively researched about cyanide, such as its taste, lethal dose, side effects, and solubility. On top of that, I also watched some documentaries about the chemical on youtube. I also have calculated the lethal dose for me, and decided to take 6 times more than the LD just to be sure it will end me quickly since small dosage will result to agonizing death. On the predetermined date, I took care all of my things, cleaned up all my trash and apartment, and wrote all my notes and sent them via scheduled emails. I was ready. The cyanide I had was in the crystal form. Since it has a very strong unpleasant taste (per my research online), I decided to mask it with the aid of soda. So, I dissolved the cyanide crystal in the soda, and it fizzed up immediately, permeating a very strong pungent stench. Before I drank the soda, I was quite nervous and took me about an hour before finally drinking the whole bottle of soda. The taste was exactly what has been described online. It was acrid/ burning with a very strong floral/ almond-y after taste on the back of the throat. It was indeed very unpleasant, but the soda definitely helped a bit. A minute after consuming it, my heart rate suddenly increased rapidly, and I began experiencing light-headedness. Soon after, I felt tingling sensation on both of my hands and legs. My extremities were cold, but strangely enough, my chest was very hot radiating outside. I was trying to get to sleep, but I could not since my heart was beating so fast. Then, out of a sudden, I lost consciousness for more than 2 hours. As soon as I woke up, I thought I was in heaven until the residual light-headedness kicked in, and I felt a little pain on my left abdomen. I could still walk just fine with no trouble. <efs>But, above all these, I felt ashamed, regret, upset, and disappointed.<efe> Also, my scheduled emails were sent after I woke up, so unfortunately I couldn't retract what have been sent. <es>My family replied my emails, but they are just being their usual self, i.e. nonchalant and undisturbed.<ee> After I took a couple of days to rest, I no longer felt any headache and my stomach was just fine. My excrement was a little reddish (I guess it was from the internal bleeding of my GI) and my urine was amber in color. But, after a few days, everything went back to normal except my mental health. <es>I still feel depression and suicidal every single day.<ee> and this failure reminds me every single day. <es>I am still struggling every single day, but hopefully the year 2020 will be a better year for me.<ee> Obviously, I was confused of what went wrong. my theory is that the carbonic acid in the soda reacts with potassium cyanide, resulting to hydrogen cyanide in the fume. Since I waited for around 1 hour before I drank it, most of the hydrogen cyanide escaped in gas, leaving a little trace of it in the drink. Thus, the dosage I took was probably way below the LD. I hope everyone who is reading this will need to think twice before attempting suicide. I am lucky enough that I went unscathed. From what I read, the side effect of consuming cyanide is much much worse if you survive. Happy new year, everybody, and I hope you have a better year ahead of you. TL;DR: I took cyanide. it tasted horrible, but I survived and went back to physically normal after a few days of rest.
| 1
| 1
| 0
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
your depression
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
how you feel due to depression
|
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you have safely escaped but still struggling
| null | true
| 110
|
ei9sz0
|
In the big empty
|
1a
|
rant
| 1
|
I don't know where to start. I'm not suicidal, but if I was going to get hit by a car I wouldn't exactly try and get out of the way. I got into a stupid fight with my best friend. He showed that I was expendable. Not that I want to be irreplaceable. But having some type of value at least. We made up but got into a small tiff shortly after. I decided fuck it he already has shown I don't mean shit so ghost his ass. He called me. I was busy but went out of my way to not answer it. He texted me apologizing and wanted to hangout. I didn't want to and don't want to still. But now it's not because I'm mad at him anymore. Trying to exist right now is such a task. I go to work and the gym right after that's it. I'm a self harmer and the gym is the healthiest way to do that. I could type forever about all the simple b.s. I haven't taken care of just because I don't have the energy and don't care. Sorry for my spelling and punctuation I'm terrible
|
Briangymrat
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
2019-12-31 22:23:54
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depression
|
I don't know where to start. I'm not suicidal, but if I was going to get hit by a car I wouldn't exactly try and get out of the way. <es>I got into a stupid fight with my best friend.<ee> <es>He showed that I was expendable.<ee> Not that I want to be irreplaceable. But having some type of value at least. We made up but got into a small tiff shortly after. <es>I decided fuck it he already has shown I don't mean shit so ghost his ass.<ee> He called me. I was busy but went out of my way to not answer it. He texted me apologizing and wanted to hangout. I didn't want to and don't want to still. But now it's not because I'm mad at him anymore. <es>Trying to exist right now is such a task.<ee> I go to work and the gym right after that's it. <es>I'm a self harmer and the gym is the healthiest way to do that.<ee> I could type forever about all the simple b.s. I haven't taken care of just because I don't have the energy and don't care. Sorry for my spelling and punctuation I'm terrible
| 2
| 0
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null |
How did X make you feel?
|
the fight with your friend
|
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you feel trying to exist is a task
| null | true
| 200
|
ei9u7q
|
FUCK ANXIETY
|
1c
|
rant
| 1
|
thats all i had to say. i said it. thanks for this subreddit for letting me say it. now im going to go scream it into my pillow.
|
wiixoz
| 1
| 0
| 11
|
2019-12-31 22:26:39
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Anxiety
|
<es>FUCK ANXIETY<ee> thats all i had to say. i said it. thanks for this subreddit for letting me say it. <rs>now im going to go scream it into my pillow.<re>
| 1
| 0
| 1
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
your anxiety
|
How did X make you feel?
|
your anxiety
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
why you want to scream
| null | true
| 101
|
f0cmty
|
every. single. thing. makes me so angry
|
1b
|
rant
| 1
|
I don’t know if I have anger issues. My dad and mum both definitely have them thought. I don’t know if me getting angry/incredibly annoyed is because of my anxiety or something else.
The smallest things make me lose my shit. My grandma who I’ve always been close to and love dearly, if she even breathes now a days I just feel the rage starting to build up. Same with my mother. When they’re trying to be helpful or whatever it’s just so fucking annoying and I can’t take it. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
I’m overall a pretty chill person who’s known for being quite “emotionless”. People talking too loud, being dumb in general, doing anything slightly annoying just makes me heat up, my anxiety starts going off the charts and I just feel like I’m losing my mind.
|
c00ldud3l0l
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
2020-02-07 16:14:11
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Anger
|
I don’t know if I have anger issues. <es>My dad and mum both definitely have them thought.<ee> <es>I don’t know if me getting angry/incredibly annoyed is because of my anxiety or something else. <ee> <es>The smallest things make me lose my shit.<ee> <es>My grandma who I’ve always been close to and love dearly, if she even breathes now a days I just feel the rage starting to build up.<ee> <es>Same with my mother.<ee> <es>When they’re trying to be helpful or whatever it’s just so fucking annoying and I can’t take it.<ee> I don’t know what’s wrong with me. <es>I’m overall a pretty chill person who’s known for being quite “emotionless”.<ee> <efs>People talking too loud, being dumb in general, doing anything slightly annoying just makes me heat up, my anxiety starts going off the charts and I just feel like I’m losing my mind.<efe>
| 2
| 2
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
even the smallest things make you angry
| null | true
| 220
|
ejaxdz
|
Good way to make new friends?
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 1
|
I was lucky enough to have a good group of friends for a while, but they've all become too busy to do anything with me or even text me back. I'm trying to meet new friends but it seems so hard. I go to coffee shops, bars, gun ranges, and the skating rink but I cant seem to meet anyone.
|
vetta98
| 2
| 0
| 2
|
2020-01-03 05:32:41
|
socialanxiety
|
I was lucky enough to have a good group of friends for a while, but they've all become too busy to do anything with me or even text me back. I'm trying to meet new friends but it seems so hard. I go to coffee shops, bars, gun ranges, and the skating rink but I cant seem to meet anyone.
| 0
| 0
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true
| 0
|
eickzo
|
My trip to the OBGYN went south today... (Trigger warning!!)
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0
|
rant
| 1
|
Warning: slight hint at abuse
Today I went to the OBGYN to see why my cycle was 8 days long even tho ive been on HRT for 3 years. She diagnosed me with endometriosis and suggested I get an IUD. She said it might hurt and I wasnt too worried because I have a high pain tolerance. But... The minute she touched me with her scope, a switch flicked in my brain and I went into fight or flight. My ptsd caused me to have a severe panic attack and it took them 3 attempts to put it in because I was screaming and panicking so much. I made the realisation that the last time I felt pain in that way was in a VERY low point in my life. So lesson learned: ask to be knocked out the next time someone has to put anything down there!
|
green-egg-and-ham
| 1
| 0
| 20
|
2020-01-01 02:15:36
|
ptsd
|
Warning: slight hint at abuse <es>Today I went to the OBGYN to see why my cycle was 8 days long even tho ive been on HRT for 3 years.<ee> <es>She diagnosed me with endometriosis and suggested I get an IUD.<ee> <es>She said it might hurt and I wasnt too worried because I have a high pain tolerance.<ee> <efs>But... The minute she touched me with her scope, a switch flicked in my brain and I went into fight or flight.<efe> <efs>My ptsd caused me to have a severe panic attack and it took them 3 attempts to put it in because I was screaming and panicking so much.<efe> I made the realisation that the last time I felt pain in that way was in a VERY low point in my life. So lesson learned: ask to be knocked out the next time someone has to put anything down there!
| 2
| 2
| 0
| null | null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you had a panic attack in the OBGYN
| null | true
| 220
|
ekljtk
|
I have a hard time going to the grocery store and I don’t know how to cope.
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 1
|
Hey guys.
I have to go grocery shopping tonight, but I have issues every time I go. I end up getting hyper vigilant, and I dissociate due to all of the sensory stimulation. I’m afraid to go because I don’t know how to manage. I end up getting so dissociated I have a hard time paying attention/finishing shopping. It freaks me out to feel so out of control of the situation.
Any tips?
|
throwaway0706199
| 1
| 0
| 5
|
2020-01-06 00:11:58
|
ptsd
|
Hey guys. <es>I have to go grocery shopping tonight, but I have issues every time I go.<ee> <es>I end up getting hyper vigilant, and I dissociate due to all of the sensory stimulation.<ee> <efs>I’m afraid to go because I don’t know how to manage.<efe> <efs>I end up getting so dissociated I have a hard time paying attention/finishing shopping.<efe> <efs>It freaks me out to feel so out of control of the situation.<efe> <rs>Any tips?<re>
| 2
| 2
| 1
| null | null | null | null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
what would help you calm down
| null | true
| 221
|
el300d
|
Life After PTSD Podcast: Dakota's Story (Hurricane Dorian Bahamas survivor)
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0
|
chitchat
| 3
|
(\*trigger warning: hurricane photo: [https://twitter.com/HealYourPTSD/status/1214216453794213888](https://twitter.com/HealYourPTSD/status/1214216453794213888)) This was the view of Dakota, a 17 year old high schooler, on September 1, 2019 when [\#HurricaneDorian](https://www.facebook.com/hashtag/hurricanedorian?source=feed_text&epa=HASHTAG&__xts__%5B0%5D=68.ARDVFeLzyxNxyHK0TOU4Ut2X7jcP2Tp2IcDCgAr0v1m9DRvQauN8gdc7lmWlPH_1UAhBFfq8nVjKvYaQ984EWr_STtKGuJvdH0FrrEDE5Zaf9pEDqY8bC9IZD4sfBbTq52rznRL2k1sqJvQgfpkVrCGZTqY9rewmfqo6rY3EaHFpZhQcVAo4gJf8zDJp6DF1vlxi0Zp90ArX8HQSiCXHGsZL3L79zkDGpOqOoISsDE09QvFE3P2537ccVvBzuq0w8vYrRNXD-hJzcoMOwCsCaxlaNC1Ec5H473KavkmeK3FUVCBnnTPJuONMjiv3HhnYc3laEVOUCrIvusTsYqfFOHY&__tn__=%2ANK-R) slammed into the Bahamas as a category 5 storm.
Hear the amazing story of his family's survival and how he healed from the [\#PTSD](https://www.facebook.com/hashtag/ptsd?source=feed_text&epa=HASHTAG&__xts__%5B0%5D=68.ARDVFeLzyxNxyHK0TOU4Ut2X7jcP2Tp2IcDCgAr0v1m9DRvQauN8gdc7lmWlPH_1UAhBFfq8nVjKvYaQ984EWr_STtKGuJvdH0FrrEDE5Zaf9pEDqY8bC9IZD4sfBbTq52rznRL2k1sqJvQgfpkVrCGZTqY9rewmfqo6rY3EaHFpZhQcVAo4gJf8zDJp6DF1vlxi0Zp90ArX8HQSiCXHGsZL3L79zkDGpOqOoISsDE09QvFE3P2537ccVvBzuq0w8vYrRNXD-hJzcoMOwCsCaxlaNC1Ec5H473KavkmeK3FUVCBnnTPJuONMjiv3HhnYc3laEVOUCrIvusTsYqfFOHY&__tn__=%2ANK-R) of the storm: [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/episode-68-if-we-had-stayed-in-house-we-would-have/id1448130626?i=1000461662590&fbclid=IwAR1qATXswLaXJ\_dMvRzH3av4kc2VjdH3RdiqxXGYzo-rVVe45pY5W63yt7g](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/episode-68-if-we-had-stayed-in-house-we-would-have/id1448130626?i=1000461662590&fbclid=IwAR1qATXswLaXJ_dMvRzH3av4kc2VjdH3RdiqxXGYzo-rVVe45pY5W63yt7g)
|
LifeAfterPTSD
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
2020-01-07 00:15:29
|
ptsd
|
(\*trigger warning: hurricane photo: [https://twitter.com/HealYourPTSD/status/1214216453794213888](https://twitter.com/HealYourPTSD/status/1214216453794213888)) This was the view of Dakota, a 17 year old high schooler, on September 1, 2019 when [\#HurricaneDorian](https://www.facebook.com/hashtag/hurricanedorian?source=feed_text&epa=HASHTAG&__xts__%5B0%5D=68.ARDVFeLzyxNxyHK0TOU4Ut2X7jcP2Tp2IcDCgAr0v1m9DRvQauN8gdc7lmWlPH_1UAhBFfq8nVjKvYaQ984EWr_STtKGuJvdH0FrrEDE5Zaf9pEDqY8bC9IZD4sfBbTq52rznRL2k1sqJvQgfpkVrCGZTqY9rewmfqo6rY3EaHFpZhQcVAo4gJf8zDJp6DF1vlxi0Zp90ArX8HQSiCXHGsZL3L79zkDGpOqOoISsDE09QvFE3P2537ccVvBzuq0w8vYrRNXD-hJzcoMOwCsCaxlaNC1Ec5H473KavkmeK3FUVCBnnTPJuONMjiv3HhnYc3laEVOUCrIvusTsYqfFOHY&__tn__=%2ANK-R) slammed into the Bahamas as a category 5 storm. Hear the amazing story of his family's survival and how he healed from the [\#PTSD](https://www.facebook.com/hashtag/ptsd?source=feed_text&epa=HASHTAG&__xts__%5B0%5D=68.ARDVFeLzyxNxyHK0TOU4Ut2X7jcP2Tp2IcDCgAr0v1m9DRvQauN8gdc7lmWlPH_1UAhBFfq8nVjKvYaQ984EWr_STtKGuJvdH0FrrEDE5Zaf9pEDqY8bC9IZD4sfBbTq52rznRL2k1sqJvQgfpkVrCGZTqY9rewmfqo6rY3EaHFpZhQcVAo4gJf8zDJp6DF1vlxi0Zp90ArX8HQSiCXHGsZL3L79zkDGpOqOoISsDE09QvFE3P2537ccVvBzuq0w8vYrRNXD-hJzcoMOwCsCaxlaNC1Ec5H473KavkmeK3FUVCBnnTPJuONMjiv3HhnYc3laEVOUCrIvusTsYqfFOHY&__tn__=%2ANK-R) of the storm: [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/episode-68-if-we-had-stayed-in-house-we-would-have/id1448130626?i=1000461662590&fbclid=IwAR1qATXswLaXJ\_dMvRzH3av4kc2VjdH3RdiqxXGYzo-rVVe45pY5W63yt7g](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/episode-68-if-we-had-stayed-in-house-we-would-have/id1448130626?i=1000461662590&fbclid=IwAR1qATXswLaXJ_dMvRzH3av4kc2VjdH3RdiqxXGYzo-rVVe45pY5W63yt7g)
| 0
| 0
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true
| 0
|
emfjdf
|
Paws is the worst!
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 1
|
Im 40 days clean from the nasty and havent ever gotten this far. I used to read about paws and how terrible the funk is. I had no idea it was this bad though. Im proud to be clean and come this far. Noway im going to let myself fall off track again. Ive been taking ltyrosine and 5 htp. Any other suggestions on breaking the scrambled brain or is it just time will heal pretty much. I realize my Brain is having to rewire and adjust to making its own chemicals again. Just wish o could focus and accomplish more through a day without chasing my tail or feeling so overwhelmed and anxious to the point of wanting to scream.
|
IngloriousSlacker
| 1
| 0
| 14
|
2020-01-09 20:37:36
|
OpiatesRecovery
|
<es>Im 40 days clean from the nasty and havent ever gotten this far.<ee> <es>I used to read about paws and how terrible the funk is.<ee> <es>I had no idea it was this bad though.<ee> <efs>Im proud to be clean and come this far.<efe> <es>Noway im going to let myself fall off track again.<ee> <es>Ive been taking ltyrosine and 5 htp.<ee> <rs>Any other suggestions on breaking the scrambled brain or is it just time will heal pretty much.<re> <es>I realize my Brain is having to rewire and adjust to making its own chemicals again.<ee> <efs>Just wish o could focus and accomplish more through a day without chasing my tail or feeling so overwhelmed and anxious to the point of wanting to scream.<efe>
| 2
| 2
| 2
| null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true
| 222
|
f3ypi0
|
[15 M] How to get my anger out, physically, but in an aggressive, however safe way?
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 2
|
I’m honestly so fucking fed up with the fact that every time I get mad I have to control myself. I want to kill people/hit people etc and literally beat somebody to death until my arms give out and even after keep hitting them. I have tried to control it so many times and it’s made it so much worse. My mom died two years ago and my brother got shot five times in the chest last year and it’s honestly made everything so much harder “control yourself.” “Let it go” etc. I’ve punched a whole straight through a wall, broken glasses etc, but have recently stopped due to the fact that they have value and I know that I can’t keep doing this. I have a good social life and a loving family and friends, and surround myself with good people (try to anyway) but I’m afraid one day someone is going to push me so over the edge I’m going to kill somebody. I honestly don’t know what to do. Anything as little as a video game can make me fly off the deep end. I don’t want to “take a walk” or “do push-ups” or “go for a run” or “take a break” I don’t want to do any of that shit. What I NEED to do is pound something flesh-like with my fist until I can’t feel my hands anymore Nothing else works and it’s a waste of my mf time. I need to get it out in a very physical way. I take Muay Thai classes, but i can’t express it there because the people in there are (for the most part) very chill people and I care for them and don’t want to be an asshole and just go batshit during sparring class. I’m inevitably going to do something really really dumb and selfish one day if something new dosent help. Whenever somebody yells at me over something I get so uncontrollably rageful, however I’m usually able to remain composed or just walk away, and when I walk away I get mental images of just ripping they’re fucking face off. But other than that my life is pretty good. Something just pissed me off just now and I had to come here or I was going to fuck this house up. Sorry if I sound selfish but during the passings of my relatives I was never allowed to express my anger (or maybe I was but felt it was selfish to do so) and it gave me a lot of anxiety. Now I’m just fucking mad and I want to kill the people who hurt me. Somebody help me out. I’m sorry if you’ve read all this but I just need a place to vent or I’m going to do something real stupid one day.
|
SoulfulChildd
| 1
| 0
| 11
|
2020-02-14 21:00:37
|
Anger
|
<efs>I’m honestly so fucking fed up with the fact that every time I get mad I have to control myself.<efe> I want to kill people/hit people etc and literally beat somebody to death until my arms give out and even after keep hitting them. <es>I have tried to control it so many times and it’s made it so much worse.<ee> <es>My mom died two years ago and my brother got shot five times in the chest last year and it’s honestly made everything so much harder “control yourself.” “Let it go” etc.<ee> <es>I’ve punched a whole straight through a wall, broken glasses etc, but have recently stopped due to the fact that they have value and I know that I can’t keep doing this.<ee> <efs>I have a good social life and a loving family and friends, and surround myself with good people (try to anyway) but I’m afraid one day someone is going to push me so over the edge I’m going to kill somebody.<efe> I honestly don’t know what to do. <es>Anything as little as a video game can make me fly off the deep end.<ee> <rs>I don’t want to “take a walk” or “do push-ups” or “go for a run” or “take a break” I don’t want to do any of that shit.<re> <rs>What I NEED to do is pound something flesh-like with my fist until I can’t feel my hands anymore Nothing else works and it’s a waste of my mf time.<re> I need to get it out in a very physical way. <es>I take Muay Thai classes, but i can’t express it there because the people in there are (for the most part) very chill people and I care for them and don’t want to be an asshole and just go batshit during sparring class.<ee> I’m inevitably going to do something really really dumb and selfish one day if something new dosent help. <es>Whenever somebody yells at me over something I get so uncontrollably rageful, however I’m usually able to remain composed or just walk away, and when I walk away I get mental images of just ripping they’re fucking face off.<ee> But other than that my life is pretty good. <es>Something just pissed me off just now and I had to come here or I was going to fuck this house up.<ee> <efs>Sorry if I sound selfish but during the passings of my relatives I was never allowed to express my anger (or maybe I was but felt it was selfish to do so) and it gave me a lot of anxiety.<efe> Now I’m just fucking mad and I want to kill the people who hurt me. <rs>Somebody help me out.<re> <rs>I’m sorry if you’ve read all this but I just need a place to vent or I’m going to do something real stupid one day.<re>
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
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ejuapx
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what did i do wrong?
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1b
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help-seeking
| 1
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why do you ignore me but respond to her? what does she have that i dont? i was here 4 months before her yet it took her a few days to gain your trust while it took me months, is all my effort a joke to you? why do you like her more all of a sudden? is it because she has "cute" art? is it because she abuses her health by staying up until 2 AM to chat with you unlike me who actually gives a shit about myself? is it because she talks more with you because she doesnt have a life? is it because she makes you more fanart? why am i the bad guy now? why do you expect me to love myself when nobody loves me? why do you talk with that retarded dipshit instead of me? what did i do for you to forget me? what did i do wrong?
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icosagoon
| 2
| 0
| 3
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2020-01-04 08:51:45
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sad
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why do you ignore me but respond to her? what does she have that i dont? i was here 4 months before her yet it took her a few days to gain your trust while it took me months, is all my effort a joke to you? why do you like her more all of a sudden? is it because she has "cute" art? is it because she abuses her health by staying up until 2 AM to chat with you unlike me who actually gives a shit about myself? is it because she talks more with you because she doesnt have a life? is it because she makes you more fanart? why am i the bad guy now? why do you expect me to love myself when nobody loves me? why do you talk with that retarded dipshit instead of me? what did i do for you to forget me? what did i do wrong?
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| 0
| 0
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
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random
| true
| 0
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flm30j
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Mental health getting worse because of corona virus
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1a
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rant
| 3
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I posted here on this subreddit before and the tldr version was I was starting vocational school, and I was excited to start it because after being homeschooled and being forced to move around my whole childhood with very few friends or opportunities for social connections (a lot thanks to my abusive dad) I finally got a chance to gain valuable experiences and make friends, but I felt afraid of this good luck because every time in my life I thought something really good would come my way something would come along and fuck it up and I'd be just as bad or even worse than when I started.
Anyhow, I assume y'all know about how corona virus has spread worldwide to a terrifying degree, I'm scared for people who are elderly and immunocopromised, and I will do whatever it takes to help prevent the spread of the virus, including social isolation even with its negative effects on my mental health.
I feel really bad for saying this but I'm upset corona virus has once again fucked up my chances of starting school and being able to make real friends for the first time in my 19 years of life. I know, it's extremely selfish of me to even think this and I should be ashamed of myself for being so self-centered. Besides reddit I don't express this out loud and I'm by no means saying my mental health struggles are comparable to the deaths of thousands of people and the grief the loved ones of the people who have died of corona virus have to go through. It's just how I feel and I'm letting it out. I just feel frustrated, sad, and lonely right now. This feels like a sick joke and I've felt like giving up a lot this last week even since my country went into lockdown.
Despite my frustration, I've been trying to use my time alone to better myself in other ways. I'm trying to keep up with studying Spanish, which I've made a lot of good progress in, I've been drawing a lot more, which is something I loved to do as a kid and young teen, but started falling out of the habit of doing when my home life got really bad before my dad left. I'm trying to eat better, and I've been really good with maintaining my hygiene which I've sometimes have had trouble with because of my depression/ptsd. I've been thinking of starting to exercise more too, I've been on and off with calisthenics and I figure by the time the virus starts to go away I could make really good quarantine gains so I should try and take advantage of this opportunity.
I'm not completely alone, I have my mom, my sister, and my mom' 's boyfriend here since we all live together, and I'm grateful for that. I still wish I had friends I could hang out with, especially since this is something that I've missed out of a lot of my life but what can you do. I can bitch about it then try to go about my life I guess.
So I guess my progress is I'm making myself a more functional person, and I'm going out of my way to achieve my goals and create better habits while I'm socially-distancing, and while my mental health feels like it's going in a downwards spiral because of a terrible feeling of loneliness, I'm hoping continuing my healthy habits will help tame those feelings of dread and hopelessness.
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lordbostonchrist
| 1
| 0
| 10
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2020-03-20 01:25:33
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getting_over_it
|
<es>I posted here on this subreddit before and the tldr version was I was starting vocational school, and I was excited to start it because after being homeschooled and being forced to move around my whole childhood with very few friends or opportunities for social connections (a lot thanks to my abusive dad).<ee> <es>I finally got a chance to gain valuable experiences and make friends, but I felt afraid of this good luck because every time in my life I thought something really good would come my way something would come along and fuck it up and I'd be just as bad or even worse than when I started.<ee> <efs>Anyhow, I assume y'all know about how corona virus has spread worldwide to a terrifying degree, I'm scared for people who are elderly and immunocopromised, and I will do whatever it takes to help prevent the spread of the virus, including social isolation even with its negative effects on my mental health.<efe> <es>I feel really bad for saying this but I'm upset corona virus has once again fucked up my chances of starting school and being able to make real friends for the first time in my 19 years of life.<ee> <es>I know, it's extremely selfish of me to even think this and I should be ashamed of myself for being so self-centered.<ee> Besides reddit I don't express this out loud and I'm by no means saying my mental health struggles are comparable to the deaths of thousands of people and the grief the loved ones of the people who have died of corona virus have to go through. <es>It's just how I feel and I'm letting it out.<ee> <efs>I just feel frustrated, sad, and lonely right now.<efe> <efs>This feels like a sick joke and I've felt like giving up a lot this last week even since my country went into lockdown. <efe> <es>Despite my frustration, I've been trying to use my time alone to better myself in other ways.<ee> <es>I'm trying to keep up with studying Spanish, which I've made a lot of good progress in, I've been drawing a lot more, which is something I loved to do as a kid and young teen, but started falling out of the habit of doing when my home life got really bad before my dad left.<ee> <es>I'm trying to eat better, and I've been really good with maintaining my hygiene which I've sometimes have had trouble with because of my depression/ptsd.<ee> <es>I've been thinking of starting to exercise more too, I've been on and off with calisthenics and I figure by the time the virus starts to go away I could make really good quarantine gains so I should try and take advantage of this opportunity.<ee> <es>I'm not completely alone, I have my mom, my sister, and my mom' 's boyfriend here since we all live together, and I'm grateful for that.<ee> <rs>I still wish I had friends I could hang out with, especially since this is something that I've missed out of a lot of my life but what can you do.<re> I can bitch about it then try to go about my life I guess. <es>So I guess my progress is I'm making myself a more functional person, and I'm going out of my way to achieve my goals and create better habits while I'm socially-distancing, and while my mental health feels like it's going in a downwards spiral because of a terrible feeling of loneliness, I'm hoping continuing my healthy habits will help tame those feelings of dread and hopelessness.<ee>
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Can you elaborate more on X ?
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what can help improve your mental health
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| 221
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ei82jd
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Cheers
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0
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chitchat
| 1
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Cheers to whomever is making the decision to stop using after today in the new year. I hope you can embrace the pain and move forward. You're not alone. You're worth it. Contrary to what you may think there is so much to look forward to and experience. Myself and so many others are rooting for you and wish the very best for you. We love you.
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post_hu_mouse
| 1
| 0
| 2
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2019-12-31 20:06:10
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addiction
|
Cheers to whomever is making the decision to stop using after today in the new year. I hope you can embrace the pain and move forward. You're not alone. You're worth it. Contrary to what you may think there is so much to look forward to and experience. Myself and so many others are rooting for you and wish the very best for you. We love you.
| 0
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| 0
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
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positive
| true
| 0
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fcu54w
|
Would You Be Willing To Share Your Story?
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0
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survey
| 1
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Hey guys,
I'm currently searching for anyone who is willing to share their story to me. I recently started a Channel that is focused on sharing Real-Life stories of peoples backgrounds of dealing with depression, anxiety, or any Mental Health disorders etc. These stories are intended to help and educate others who watch these videos so they too can cope and find peace within themselves.
Would any of you be willing to share your story to me? I would love to offer you the opportunity to share the worst of what you've been through, so others can relate to you and we can all break the stigma of remaining silent to our problems.
I've dealt with Depression, Anxiety, and Homicidal thoughts throughout my life, and this has driven me to want to create a platform that can save lives, and help others through those dark times like when I needed them. I want to be that voice for others so more people can relate, and in return feel less alone about their struggles.
Thank you for your consideration.
|
Shattered_Minds
| 1
| 0
| 0
|
2020-03-03 12:54:35
|
getting_over_it
|
Hey guys, I'm currently searching for anyone who is willing to share their story to me. I recently started a Channel that is focused on sharing Real-Life stories of peoples backgrounds of dealing with depression, anxiety, or any Mental Health disorders etc. These stories are intended to help and educate others who watch these videos so they too can cope and find peace within themselves. Would any of you be willing to share your story to me? I would love to offer you the opportunity to share the worst of what you've been through, so others can relate to you and we can all break the stigma of remaining silent to our problems. I've dealt with Depression, Anxiety, and Homicidal thoughts throughout my life, and this has driven me to want to create a platform that can save lives, and help others through those dark times like when I needed them. I want to be that voice for others so more people can relate, and in return feel less alone about their struggles. Thank you for your consideration.
| 0
| 0
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true
| 0
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ek3tbi
|
This sub is full of fucking shit.
|
1c
|
rant
| 1
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You people just fucking suck, you take remotely sad thought of yours and then put an image on it, well its not even sad or depressing its just cringe.
Edit: Screw you if youre reading this, you probably are a garbage human being.
Edit: I dont care who you are, in downvoting you, AND IM DOWNVOTING MYSELF TOO!
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bandicoot44
| 0
| 0
| 22
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2020-01-04 22:44:12
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sad
|
You people just fucking suck, you take remotely sad thought of yours and then put an image on it, well its not even sad or depressing its just cringe. Edit: Screw you if youre reading this, you probably are a garbage human being. Edit: I dont care who you are, in downvoting you, AND IM DOWNVOTING MYSELF TOO!
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| 0
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true
| 0
|
f2pg03
|
I can't control myself when Angry
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 1
|
I can't control myself when I'm angry and I begin shouting and throwing stuff and sometimes I lose it even at work. I'm scared that if I can't manage it I'll hit someone or do something I will regret later on (already regretting some of the stuff). I need a solution. Should I see a therapist? What should I do?
|
kokogrimes
| 1
| 0
| 1
|
2020-02-12 10:49:17
|
Anger
|
I can't control myself when I'm angry and I begin shouting and throwing stuff and sometimes I lose it even at work. I'm scared that if I can't manage it I'll hit someone or do something I will regret later on (already regretting some of the stuff). I need a solution. Should I see a therapist? What should I do?
| 1
| 2
| 2
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Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
what makes you angry
| null | null | null | null | null | true
| 122
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ekha0b
|
I’m sorry but this happens WAY too many times.
|
1a
|
rant
| 1
| null |
CodedTheMatrix
| 1
| 0
| 6
|
2020-01-05 18:58:41
|
socialanxiety
| null | 0
| 0
| 0
|
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true
| 0
|
ejwtom
|
My hypervigilance has been going nuts for a year (suicide tw)
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1b
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help-seeking
| 2
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I do not know what to call this. Maybe sexual abuse tw but I do not know.
&#x200B;
Okay so my trauma is that when I was 14 (I'm 20 now), my best friend told me she'd attempted suicide and I was subsequently publicly shamed by a group of adults when I tried to talk about how angry I felt about it (they left my post up talking about how I felt for two and a half years as an example to show people how not to feel after your friend attempts suicide, until my counsellor forced them to take it down). This left me with A) a massive fear of people killing themselves and B) a massive fear of expressing anger in case it makes me a bad person.
What I'm about to talk about IS NOT my trauma or PTSD. But I'm talking about it here because I feel like you're the only people who will understand my hypervigilance around it.
&#x200B;
&#x200B;
So I'm part of an online community about animation, Disney, etc etc etc. There are quite a few adults around my age in it, interested in filmmaking and animation and stuff, but because it's about animated films and Disney, it would seem like common sense that the community should be safe for children and teens because they're the target audience of what we're discussing.
Apparently not.
For the past year or so there's been lots of tension in the community because of adults acting inappropriately with teens. One I'm going to focus on is a woman who we'll call Yellow. Yellow was originally part of one of my animation projects, but pulled out once she saw the new members I had invited in. She said to me that one of the members, she wasn't going to name who, had been spreading rumours about her. I was shocked and said I wouldn't allow any bullies in my project. Yellow then admitted to me that the rumours were about her, a 20 year old, being in love with a 17 year old. I got very uncomfortable because that wasn't what I was expecting, so I basically wished her well but said I wasn't comfortable discussing this anymore. Oh, she also asked me not to mention it to anyone else.
A few months later, a user we'll call Orange made a call-out post for Yellow, and provided evidence. Yellow, a 20 year old, had been sexting and receiving nudes and asked to be friends with benefits from Orange, who was 16. Orange explained that they felt pressured to continue in order to make Yellow happy. The comments of this call-out post were littered with people telling Orange it was their fault and they consented to the entire thing. This was not part of the call-out, but I've also seen messages on a public chatroom in which Yellow, at 19, would make...very, very questionable jokes with Orange, who at the time was 15 about to turn 16. The public chatroom does not go back far enough for me to see how long this was going on for, but they're the kind of jokes that make you wonder if that's how they were talking in public what were they talking about in private.
I was furious with Yellow and confronted her for lying to me. She had said they were rumours about her 'being in love' with a 17 year old, but that was not the entire truth. Yellow insisted this might be her fault but it isn't completely. I left it, because at that point my hypervigilance began to flare up and I was concerned for Yellow's mental health if I continued to confront her. Yellow left the community and was not seen or heard from online for a few months.
&#x200B;
Cue Yellow suddenly returning again, this time with her own call-out post for Orange. The entire basic point of Yellow's call-out was to show that Orange consented to the entire thing and also provided evidence that Orange talked behind their friend's backs, which....I'm still baffled as to why that was relevant because talking behind your friends backs is a pretty wrong but normal thing for a teenager to do and held no relevance to anything else. Evidently Yellow and Orange talked it over at some point and both made public apologies; Orange seemed to take half the blame for everything that happened. At this time, my hypervigilance went mad. I sat in my car having a panic attack and flashbacks thinking Yellow was going to kill themselves because I was angry at them. I apologized to Yellow saying I overreacted, which Yellow accepted. To try and be forgiving, I let Yellow back into one of my animation projects, but I was still deeply unsure about it and wondered if I'd done the right thing.
&#x200B;
When I told them, both my friend and my mum seemed unsure whether I'd done the right thing too. My friend told me a month or so later that her boyfriend's 20 year old brother was being investigated by police for having a 16 year old girlfriend. I realized then that what Yellow did was really illegal and sent them a polite message saying I was sorry but I didn't think it was appropriate for them to be part of my project anymore, expecting that to be the end of it and they'd just accept it.
I was very surprised when Yellow then came to me in a private message asking why I had kicked her out. I explained that considering her previous inappropriate relationship, I thought it was best to let the dust settle before I interacted with her. I was concerned that by letting Yellow in my project, I'd be showing other minors that adults can do these things with them with no consequences. Yellow told me I was rude, I was more worried about my own reputation, and I was mistreating her.
&#x200B;
&#x200B;
&#x200B;
That was all a year ago. I still panic thinking my anger could tip Yellow over the edge and prompt her to kill herself. In an attempt to protect the teenagers of the community (because there are more adults scattered around who have also engaged in illegal acts), someone considered making a list of people that minors in the community should avoid for their own safety. I told them I'd support them if they made the list. I do not know if Yellow will be on it. I do not know if she deserves to be on it.
I got hardly any sleep last night. My hypervigilance has just been going nuts. I'm terrified of someone killing themselves because of me. Because Yellow asked me, all the way back then, not to tell anyone what she originally told me, I feel extremely guilty even writing this out. Like I'm betraying her and if she kills herself it will be all my fault.
|
becausewrightiswrong
| 3
| 0
| 3
|
2020-01-04 13:48:11
|
ptsd
|
I do not know what to call this. Maybe sexual abuse tw but I do not know. &#x200B; <es>Okay so my trauma is that when I was 14 (I'm 20 now), my best friend told me she'd attempted suicide and I was subsequently publicly shamed by a group of adults.<ee> <efs>when I tried to talk about how angry I felt about it (they left my post up talking about how I felt for two and a half years as an example to show people how not to feel after your friend attempts suicide, until my counsellor forced them to take it down).<efe> <efs>This left me with A) a massive fear of people killing themselves and B) a massive fear of expressing anger in case it makes me a bad person.<efe> What I'm about to talk about IS NOT my trauma or PTSD. But I'm talking about it here because I feel like you're the only people who will understand my hypervigilance around it. &#x200B; &#x200B; <es>So I'm part of an online community about animation, Disney, etc etc etc.<ee> <es>There are quite a few adults around my age in it, interested in filmmaking and animation and stuff, but because it's about animated films and Disney, it would seem like common sense that the community should be safe for children and teens because they're the target audience of what we're discussing.<ee> <es>Apparently not.<ee> <es>For the past year or so there's been lots of tension in the community because of adults acting inappropriately with teens.<ee> <es>One I'm going to focus on is a woman who we'll call Yellow.<ee> <es>Yellow was originally part of one of my animation projects, but pulled out once she saw the new members I had invited in.<ee> <es>She said to me that one of the members, she wasn't going to name who, had been spreading rumours about her.<ee> <efs>I was shocked and said I wouldn't allow any bullies in my project.<efe> <es>Yellow then admitted to me that the rumours were about her, a 20 year old, being in love with a 17 year old.<ee> <efs>I got very uncomfortable because that wasn't what I was expecting, so I basically wished her well but said I wasn't comfortable discussing this anymore.<efe> <es>Oh, she also asked me not to mention it to anyone else. <ee> <es>A few months later, a user we'll call Orange made a call-out post for Yellow, and provided evidence.<ee> <es>Yellow, a 20 year old, had been sexting and receiving nudes and asked to be friends with benefits from Orange, who was 16.<ee> <es>Orange explained that they felt pressured to continue in order to make Yellow happy.<ee> <es>The comments of this call-out post were littered with people telling Orange it was their fault and they consented to the entire thing.<ee> <es>This was not part of the call-out, but I've also seen messages on a public chatroom in which Yellow, at 19, would make...very, very questionable jokes with Orange, who at the time was 15 about to turn 16.<ee> <es>The public chatroom does not go back far enough for me to see how long this was going on for, but they're the kind of jokes that make you wonder if that's how they were talking in public what were they talking about in private.<ee> <efs>I was furious with Yellow and confronted her for lying to me.<efe> <es>She had said they were rumours about her 'being in love' with a 17 year old, but that was not the entire truth.<ee> <es>Yellow insisted this might be her fault but it isn't completely.<ee> <es>I left it, because at that point my hypervigilance began to flare up and I was concerned for Yellow's mental health if I continued to confront her.<ee> <es>Yellow left the community and was not seen or heard from online for a few months.<ee> &#x200B; <es>Cue Yellow suddenly returning again, this time with her own call-out post for Orange.<ee> <es>The entire basic point of Yellow's call-out was to show that Orange consented to the entire thing and also provided evidence that Orange talked behind their friend's backs, which....I'm still baffled as to why that was relevant because talking behind your friends backs is a pretty wrong but normal thing for a teenager to do and held no relevance to anything else.<ee> <es>Evidently Yellow and Orange talked it over at some point and both made public apologies; Orange seemed to take half the blame for everything that happened.<ee> <es>At this time, my hypervigilance went mad.<ee> <es>I sat in my car having a panic attack and flashbacks thinking Yellow was going to kill themselves because I was angry at them.<ee> <es>I apologized to Yellow saying I overreacted, which Yellow accepted.<ee> <es>To try and be forgiving, I let Yellow back into one of my animation projects, but I was still deeply unsure about it and wondered if I'd done the right thing.<ee> &#x200B; <es>When I told them, both my friend and my mum seemed unsure whether I'd done the right thing too.<ee> <es>My friend told me a month or so later that her boyfriend's 20 year old brother was being investigated by police for having a 16 year old girlfriend.<ee> <es>I realized then that what Yellow did was really illegal and sent them a polite message saying I was sorry but I didn't think it was appropriate for them to be part of my project anymore, expecting that to be the end of it and they'd just accept it. <ee> <es>I was very surprised when Yellow then came to me in a private message asking why I had kicked her out.<ee> <es>I explained that considering her previous inappropriate relationship, I thought it was best to let the dust settle before I interacted with her.<ee> <es>I was concerned that by letting Yellow in my project, I'd be showing other minors that adults can do these things with them with no consequences.<ee> <es>Yellow told me I was rude, I was more worried about my own reputation, and I was mistreating her.<ee> &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; <es>That was all a year ago.<ee> <efs>I still panic thinking my anger could tip Yellow over the edge and prompt her to kill herself.<efe> <es>In an attempt to protect the teenagers of the community (because there are more adults scattered around who have also engaged in illegal acts), someone considered making a list of people that minors in the community should avoid for their own safety.<ee> <es>I told them I'd support them if they made the list.<ee> <es>I do not know if Yellow will be on it.<ee> <es>I do not know if she deserves to be on it.<ee> <es>I got hardly any sleep last night.<ee> <es>My hypervigilance has just been going nuts.<ee> <efs>I'm terrified of someone killing themselves because of me.<efe> <efs>Because Yellow asked me, all the way back then, not to tell anyone what she originally told me, I feel extremely guilty even writing this out.<efe> <efs>Like I'm betraying her and if she kills herself it will be all my fault.<efe>
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| 2
| 0
| null | null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you feel terrified of your friend having suicidal tendencies
| null | true
| 220
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