id large_string | author large_string | title large_string | selftext large_string | score int64 | log_score float64 | num_comments int64 | created_at timestamp[us] | num_tokens int64 |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
ysq7ed | ArmedPenguin47 | There was once a bloke named Dave | On the way to work, Dave saw a homeless man. He felt bad and gave the homeless man $10. A friend he was walking with told him it was a bad idea because he would spend the $10 on drugs. Dave thought about this an went back to the homeless man and asked
“How can I get drugs for $10 too?” | 13 | 2.564949 | 0 | 2022-11-11T23:12:26 | 82 |
unsu58 | futureformerteacher | Did you hear about the pigeons at the Kremlin? | They keep saying "coup.... coup". | 4 | 1.386294 | 2 | 2022-05-12T04:34:29 | 20 |
y4xsyz | GG14916 | The Monkees visit a bar every Tuesday... | Each time they visit, they never finish their drinks, leaving them for the waiter to tidy up.
One night, the waiter approaches Micky Dolenz:
"Excuse me sir, you waste $30 on drinks every Tuesday that just get thrown down the drain. Why do you do it?"
Micky turns to the waiter and smiles. "Haven't you heard? I'm a be... | 12 | 2.484907 | 19 | 2022-10-15T20:29:15 | 92 |
15nm1xb | NotSoPerfectDad | I like my wife, the way I like my Tetley Tea. | In a bag, full submerged in water. | 1 | 0 | 2 | 2023-08-10T19:35:57 | 23 |
wi60he | Thick_Opposite_3693 | What's Rihanna's favorite utensil ? | WOK WOK WOK WOK WOK WOK
He said me haffi WOK WOK WOK WOK WOK WOK | 0 | 0 | 3 | 2022-08-07T03:35:05 | 39 |
189s9t8 | jmooremcc | A Catholic Southern Belle is running late for church | As she reaches the entrance at the top of the steps, she asks a man standing there, “Is Mass out?” The man looks at her for a moment and says, “No, but your hat’s on crooked.” | 34 | 3.526361 | 2 | 2023-12-03T12:11:25 | 56 |
115rmok | Vills15 | Ghosts are terrible liars. | You can see right through them. | 19 | 2.944439 | 2 | 2023-02-18T21:12:38 | 14 |
rmv4el | Gurthang99 | Mermaids | What do Mermaids use to clean their fins?
Tide | 6 | 1.791759 | 1 | 2021-12-23T12:56:28 | 14 |
1b5q3vm | Jokeminder42 | What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a guy on a Harley? | With the vacuum cleaner, the dirt bag is on the inside.
| 58 | 4.060443 | 14 | 2024-03-03T19:49:26 | 30 |
1fyff4m | sketchbreaker | I couldn't figure out what to wear to the premature ejaculation anonymous meeting | So I just came in my pants | 804 | 6.689599 | 65 | 2024-10-07T18:53:15 | 21 |
zf5n6i | YZXFILE | Getting divorced just because you don't love a woman is almost as silly | as getting married just because you do. | 13 | 2.564949 | 10 | 2022-12-07T16:29:18 | 23 |
1cq3r3n | NoPerspective3192 | I had a wooden car | Wooden doors, wooden wheels, wooden seats.
Just had one problem? | 1 | 0 | 1 | 2024-05-12T09:10:17 | 19 |
w760pe | LemonZeppelin27 | A boyfriend and girlfriend die at the same time and go to heaven | They go up to see St. Peter on the pearly gates. They ask him “Can we get married in heaven?”
St. Peter says “Hold on, I’ll check.”
The couple wait 72 hours and then finally St. Peter comes back and says “Yes, you can get married in heaven.”
The couple then asks “What about a divorce?”
St. Peter replies “I just spe... | 1,234 | 7.118016 | 24 | 2022-07-24T21:09:23 | 118 |
14itude | dhkendall | The teacher asked little Johnny if he could write a song using the words “analyze” and “anatomy” | This was Johnny’s response:
My analyze over the ocean
My analyze over the sea
My analyze over the ocean
Oh bring back my anatomy! | 1,642 | 7.40367 | 60 | 2023-06-25T18:47:54 | 53 |
14t7vcj | Odd_Education_5337 | Yo mamma so nasty | She brings crabs to the beach. Then she puts ice in her panties to keep them fresh. Those crabs try to use her tampon string as an escape rope. I tried calling her to see if she was OK and my ear got an STD. All I was able to understand was she put a cucumber inside her and it was a pickle when she pulled it out. | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2023-07-07T13:50:06 | 80 |
rwc3go | ImASpriteCranberry | Why do all vegetables sink when thrown in water? | The wheelchair weighs them down | 376 | 5.929589 | 20 | 2022-01-05T02:49:13 | 15 |
10m9tvn | jffleisc | Billy was the chemist’s son, but Billy is no more. | What Billy thought was H2O was H2SO4. | 0 | 0 | 3 | 2023-01-27T02:34:53 | 27 |
18k5x7t | porichoygupto | I wrote down the names of all the people I hate on a piece of paper, but my roommate used it to roll up a joint. | He’s now high on the list of people I would never want to talk to again. | 1,116 | 7.017506 | 55 | 2023-12-17T01:26:57 | 46 |
vcu0qy | L_James | French Navy can defeat any anime villain | They can just use the Power of French Ship | 13 | 2.564949 | 0 | 2022-06-15T13:02:14 | 16 |
1ftwn21 | Kreanxx | What do gynecologists and cats have in common? | They know their way around boxes | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2024-10-01T19:23:52 | 18 |
ua6p9d | thegreendutch | Did you hear about the monk who had a huge gambling addiction? | ​
He left Tibet | 2 | 0.693147 | 2 | 2022-04-23T14:31:42 | 26 |
s287t1 | Nazamroth | My doctor insists that I should reduce my ground beef consumption. | So be it, sea cows it is then. | 8 | 2.079442 | 6 | 2022-01-12T14:58:25 | 22 |
t01orn | kshanil90 | A king had 10 wild dogs. He used them to torture and kill any minister that misguided him. | A king had 10 wild dogs.
He used them to torture and kill any minister that misguided him.
A minister once gave an opinion which was wrong and which the king didn’t like at all…
So he ordered that the minister to be thrown to the dogs.
The minister said,
"I served you loyally 10 years and you do this..?
The king w... | 9,196 | 9.126524 | 214 | 2022-02-24T04:24:23 | 341 |
15vicbt | ujustgotjammed | What did Kylian Mbappe say to the Saudis after they offered him a $1B contract? | I don’t think I’ll beheading there | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2023-08-19T14:53:26 | 29 |
15w5k0x | crufter | Someone pees "Brezhnev is stupid" into the snow | Someone pees "Brezhnev is stupid" into the snow on the Red Square.
The KGB immediately starts an investigation, the results are in the next day:
\- Comrade Brezhnev, be strong. Our doctors confirmed the urine belongs to comrade Gromiko.
Brezhnev defeatedly leans back in his chair.
\- Leonid Ilyich, be strong. T... | 1 | 0 | 21 | 2023-08-20T08:15:21 | 114 |
u46v7y | amor_fati99 | A German, a Belgian, and a Dutchman all claim to be thr next coming of Jesus | erman, a Belgian, and a Dutchman all claim to be Jesus, and decide to settle who is speaking the truth by proving their claim.
First the German tries to prove it by walking across the mighty German river, the Rhine. However he falls in and gets completely soaked, and admits he must not be the real Jesus.
The Belgian ... | 42 | 3.73767 | 1 | 2022-04-15T12:23:30 | 187 |
1h8guuo | StarsBear75063 | Did you hear about the comedian who was famous for his non-sequitur jokes? | One weighs a ton, and the other is a little lighter. | 1 | 0 | 1 | 2024-12-07T01:05:48 | 30 |
13fz66n | d_awkward_boner | Why do most Hyundai drivers get into accidents? | cause they have bad Hyundai coordination | 3 | 1.098612 | 0 | 2023-05-12T22:29:19 | 15 |
rffzw3 | schafna | Someone stole all the toilets from my local police station. | The police have nothing to go on. | 6 | 1.791759 | 4 | 2021-12-13T13:42:10 | 19 |
1e9x37c | CarlosDoesTheWorld | I'm so thankful for my air fryer. For letting me cook a delicious and crispy entree | One third at a time. | 12 | 2.484907 | 6 | 2024-07-23T02:48:56 | 27 |
x9v58e | rvtsazap | Suspicious loss | An outpouring of love at the loss of the Queen of England. But, over a dozen countries including Canada, Australia and New Zealand lost their heads of state yesterday and nobody even bats an eye. This is extremely suspicious. | 7 | 1.94591 | 3 | 2022-09-09T13:10:30 | 49 |
1d111h6 | no_bon3s_about_it | When the person who invented the USB drive dies, they’ll lower his coffin into the grave, realize they put it in the wrong way, and have to do it again… | ...then they’ll realize they had it right the first time. | 809 | 6.695799 | 59 | 2024-05-26T13:10:40 | 48 |
u15vcb | Danhydrous | There are 10 types of people in the world. | Those who understand binary and those who don't. | 12 | 2.484907 | 6 | 2022-04-11T11:47:56 | 22 |
1cw5aqw | CompetitiveDig1329 | I have a joke... | but I don't think I can make you laugh because people rated it 9 out of 11. | 1 | 0 | 1 | 2024-05-20T02:45:02 | 27 |
1d3jmng | ___HeyGFY___ | The Plan | In the beginning, there was a plan,
And then came the assumptions,
And the assumptions were without form,
And the plan without substance.
And the darkness was upon the face of the workers,
And they spoke among themselves, saying,
"It is a crock of shit and it stinks."
And the workers went unto their sup... | 251 | 5.525453 | 23 | 2024-05-29T18:46:33 | 267 |
1b908ui | Lower_Reporter2405 | The successful son | Four friends reunited after 30 years after finishing school. While one went to use the restroom, the other three began boasting about their son’s achievements.
The first friend said “My son is an economist and a banker. He is so wealthy he gifted his best friend a Ferrari”.
The second friend shared “My son is a pilo... | 1 | 0 | 1 | 2024-03-07T17:26:46 | 218 |
198w174 | Deadly_R | Why do people lie to live by the ocean? | That way they're surrounded by idiots only on 3 sides | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2024-01-17T13:01:40 | 22 |
15nxbwq | SirXanthor | Something to Give Ukraine a smile. | I rededicate this joke to the Ukraine Soldiers.
.
Russian soldiers are marching into Ukraine to snuff out the Ukraine resistance fighters. As they march into Ukraine, a voice shouts over the hill to the commander "One Ukraine soldier is better than 10 Russian Z soldiers!" The commander gets irked, and sends 10 of his b... | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2023-08-11T03:22:48 | 376 |
1688vr0 | Drah_Pacid | I am cursed with coming up with dark jokes but I can't people being mad at me for them | Jimmy Buffett died as he lived. Looking for his lost shaker of salt. Rip | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2023-09-02T17:48:17 | 37 |
xk1x8y | LadeeAlana | One woman said to another, "Do you smoke after you make love?" | "I don't know. I've never looked." | 34 | 3.526361 | 5 | 2022-09-21T11:11:11 | 26 |
14lxi3w | Blastwing | Yoda walks into a bar | As he enters, Bugs Bunny walks up to him and says,
“I heard that you have many great abilities but you can’t top my hearing skills.”
Yoda replies, “accepted challenge.”
“Haha you are going to lose old man. So here is the bet. We have 5 drinks here on the table: water, beer, orange juice, coke and whiskey... | 1 | 0 | 3 | 2023-06-29T06:40:52 | 338 |
1c5wlp1 | EggYakult | Do you know why good humor beats good looks? | The more those girls laugh; the less their eyes open | 10 | 2.302585 | 2 | 2024-04-17T00:52:30 | 21 |
16vzj8p | DriedUpSquid | Two strangers are drinking beer in a bar on the top floor of a skyscraper. | The one man tells the other that the winds are so strong that if he jumped off the balcony he would be blown back into the bar unharmed.
“That’s bullshit” said the other man.
“Watch this”. The first man jumps off the balcony. While everyone watched in amazement, he slowly glided back onto the balcony and returned ... | 1 | 0 | 32 | 2023-09-30T06:28:36 | 149 |
xsgj02 | Carmesean | Have you ever been hit by a rental car before? | Nah but I’ve heard it Hertz | 8 | 2.079442 | 4 | 2022-09-30T23:57:09 | 19 |
199fam6 | Sea_bare | Tell a man a joke, he will laugh for a day | Tell a Redditor a joke, he will repost it a lifetime. | 253 | 5.533389 | 27 | 2024-01-18T02:36:19 | 26 |
upiv8y | poojabber84 | my wife and I planned an entire week of camping. After two days, we packed our stuff and went home. We will never do that again! | The entire situation was just two in tents. | 151 | 5.01728 | 17 | 2022-05-14T14:52:34 | 39 |
12lneur | philosobae | Why can’t an Asian couple have a Caucasian baby? | Because two Wongs don’t make a white. | 3 | 1.098612 | 4 | 2023-04-14T06:53:35 | 21 |
yy6cj5 | completeditmate18 | And old gift | My dad gave us a little globe when I was kid for my room because I really enjoyed geography, we recently had to move out , when we moved out we got all of our stuff from our old house to the new house. When we was unpacking we realised we had forgotten the globe.. we never got it back, the new owners said they sold it... | 0 | 0 | 1 | 2022-11-18T00:31:12 | 89 |
1bb1gb5 | Risperdali | A. Knock knock. | B. Who's there?
A. Well this is awkward, I expected you to be out of the house and was planning on robbing the place... | 1 | 0 | 4 | 2024-03-10T04:23:33 | 36 |
1git6ly | esquiresque | Man goes to the doctor and says "I think I'm a Russian Doll" | "What makes you think that? Asks the doc
"My wife keeps telling me I'm full of myself" | 196 | 5.278115 | 6 | 2024-11-03T18:11:18 | 39 |
1fyfjo0 | GamingCatGuy | My essay about the movie "Fight Club" | First rule of the Fight Club: Don’t talk about the Fight Club. | 1 | 0 | 3 | 2024-10-07T18:58:39 | 24 |
xb4yb4 | erazedcitizen | Apparently my great-grandpa was a controversial figure when he served in WWII | Which is weird, I thought he’d be praised more considering my family tells me he killed Hitler | 18 | 2.890372 | 8 | 2022-09-11T00:51:40 | 33 |
14inljc | PopeyeTheGambler | Recession has got so bad , I have a friend who used to live in a spare tyre …. | Then he got a puncture, now he lives in a flat | 161 | 5.081404 | 21 | 2023-06-25T14:26:05 | 33 |
1clpcp3 | stooftheoof | There’s a new airline that specializes in cheap, short trips across state borders to buy marijuana | It’s flying on a budjet | 57 | 4.043051 | 7 | 2024-05-06T17:50:24 | 25 |
ykuyka | Prostheta | Every day in Moscow, people buy newspaper, glance at front page, throw straight in trash. | Every day, same. People buy newspaper, look front, throw in trash.
Newspaper seller ask one day, "Why you do that? Why you not read inside newspaper?"
Man respond, "I check obituary"
"But obituary not on front page. Is on back page"
"Putin obituary be on front page" | 13,414 | 9.504054 | 410 | 2022-11-03T07:09:16 | 90 |
1b0tqwd | Time-Classroom-2442 | I was pulled over by a police officer for overspeeding | He looked at my license and said "you're supposed to be wearing glasses". I said I have contacts. He said he didn't care who I know | 96 | 4.564348 | 14 | 2024-02-26T21:43:58 | 43 |
1ekira5 | Gods_FavouriteChild | What's the difference between your Job and your Wife? | Your Job still sucks for 5 years | 1 | 0 | 8 | 2024-08-05T08:36:59 | 19 |
16s28t0 | dolly3900 | What's the difference between a whisk and Eddie Jones' Team? | A whisk can beat an egg whereas Eddie's team can't beat anything at the moment. | 1 | 0 | 4 | 2023-09-25T20:01:16 | 31 |
ybpicn | AfganPearlDiver | There was this kid who got in trouble for talking so much that his teacher sent him the principal's office. The principal asked him for his parents' phone number shortly after his mom came to the school. After talking to the principal she turned to her kid and asked him, "Do you.... | "Do you understand why I had to come all the way down here and what you did wrong!?" The kid said "Yes mam. Sorry mam." Then she asked him, "And what exactly is it that you're sorry for, Sonny?" To which he replied, "I gave that man your phone number." | 1 | 0 | 3 | 2022-10-23T18:43:43 | 126 |
1ezgsyv | Awesomeuser90 | What was the difference between 1945 and 1672 in the Netherlands? | While being invaded and while undergoing a famine, the Dutch in 1945 didn't eat their prime minister. | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2024-08-23T16:15:29 | 44 |
17nndkh | Halilcan2 | What does a pig say after being potty trained? | What the hell are we going to eat now? | 1 | 0 | 6 | 2023-11-04T14:56:36 | 21 |
sxkzom | ImASpriteCranberry | I remember this one time in high school I pulled out my MP3 player and people started making fun off me for not having a smart phone | At least the quiet kid was there with a MP5 | 9 | 2.197225 | 2 | 2022-02-21T04:53:53 | 39 |
15w2xxh | winslowlee1980 | I was at a public pool earlier today | I really had to pee so I went down to the deep end and started... The lifeguard blew the whistle so loud I almost fell in | 1 | 0 | 1 | 2023-08-20T05:51:12 | 36 |
1hpmxy0 | FrankPankNortTort | Three guys are working a construction job. |
Bob, Jeff and Phillip. It's getting close to home time and the three have a problem still, they don't know how to screw this bracket onto the wall. One way it might hit a wire, another way it might hit a water pipe, a real conundrum. Jeff scratches his head but doesn't have a solution, Bob's the new guy on the job s... | 1 | 0 | 1 | 2024-12-30T13:12:47 | 331 |
z6jcaz | crapforbrains553 | A man is mad at God cuz his wife died. He busts into a church and yells where is God I'm gonna stab him. | Preacher says, God is in your heart | 17 | 2.833213 | 3 | 2022-11-28T01:44:54 | 38 |
1e3fe71 | gabeasourousrex | Plan A and plan B are different. | But an a-hole and a b-hole are the same thing… | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2024-07-14T22:54:36 | 21 |
17ctcla | milliamu | Mrs Smith goes to the butcher, 'what's on sale' she says. 'Bloody steak' replies the butcher. 'How dare you' remarks Mrs Smith 'such foul language and in front of a lady as well'. 'No no madam' says the butcher, 'that's just what it's called'. So Mrs Smith buys some bloody steak and takes it home. | Mrs Smith goes to the butcher, 'what's on sale' she says. 'Bloody steak' replies the butcher. 'How dare you' remarks Mrs Smith 'such foul language and in front of a lady as well'. 'No no madam' says the butcher, 'that's just what it's called'. So Mrs Smith buys some bloody steak and takes it home.
Later that evening ... | 1 | 0 | 1 | 2023-10-21T03:27:18 | 271 |
1dlffv2 | tatterdermalion | The Hermit Party | A man moves to a cabin in the woods, where he hears his nearest neighbor is a recluse and very quiet. He never hears or sees the hermit until one day the Hermit shows up at his door.
Hermit: Inviting you to a party at my place this Friday.
Neighbor: Well, that's great!
Hermit: Gotta warn ya, thars gonna be some dri... | 3 | 1.098612 | 2 | 2024-06-21T21:40:08 | 165 |
spa333 | starfyredragon | A Christian, a Muslim, and a Witch all die and go to the afterlife. | A Christian, a Muslim, and a Witch of the Norse gods all die and go to the afterlife.
They find that, waiting for them at the entrance to the afterlife is Anubis, waiting with a set of scales, with a feather on one side.
Above Anubis is a sign, "You wait with your heart, if less than feather-wait, you may enter parad... | 14,950 | 9.612467 | 646 | 2022-02-10T16:08:30 | 384 |
uhseln | Tonlick | So I was on a date with this girl named Amber | I was on a date with this girl named Amber. She went to the bathroom and never came back...So I called the police and said...I would like to file an amber alert. Please be on the lookout for my date amber. They then told me that they do not do that here. | 0 | 0 | 4 | 2022-05-03T22:57:05 | 71 |
wlemki | Chance-Sun-9103 | Why is Greek food so filling? | Because once you eat it, it's always Sparta you. | 3 | 1.098612 | 3 | 2022-08-11T01:26:51 | 20 |
18htqi9 | WinHL3 | John and Jack are walking down a street one day, when they suddenly spot a pile of what looks like dog crap on the road in front of them. | John: Check it out, that looks like crap
Jack: I agree, it DOES look like crap
​
John then kneels down in front of it and sniffs it. Jack does the same
John: It certainly smells like crap
Jack: Yes it does
​
Still curious, they both reach out and stick a finger into it.
John: It definitely feels l... | 156 | 5.049856 | 16 | 2023-12-13T22:56:00 | 204 |
z4b7d9 | MinFootspace | "Honey, do you remember this morning when I ran all over the place because I was so happy I found my keys again?" | "Erm yeah, was hard to miss, why?"
"... any idea where I could have put them afterwards?" | 6 | 1.791759 | 1 | 2022-11-25T11:32:29 | 49 |
1crzrhl | Farukzzz | 1847 Stork vs Texas War | A angry crowd gather in Texas downtown. They had only one thing in mind together which is "push back stork immigration". 17 may 1847, A few Texans got together and took action against the storks. They scattered their nests and seized three stork chicks. The next day, when they repeated the same action, the storks had ... | 1 | 0 | 3 | 2024-05-14T18:45:27 | 167 |
1e8kt9e | astoneworthskipping | Why did the dreidel have to stop spinning? | Because it had shin splints. | 2 | 0.693147 | 7 | 2024-07-21T12:05:54 | 17 |
1g6yj3j | fluffykerfuffle3 | I just heard that the Pope says it okay, now, to kiss a nun.. | ..as long as you do not get into the habit. | 893 | 6.794587 | 56 | 2024-10-19T01:56:32 | 29 |
1fhfrz7 | Important_Dentist_78 | I know a half Korean old man | His dad was Korean.
His mom was also Korean.
His grandfather and grandmother were Korean.
However, his both legs were amputated due to cancer | 1 | 0 | 11 | 2024-09-15T15:54:15 | 37 |
scp170 | tobias_drundridge | A new supermarket opened near my house. | A new supermarket opened near my house. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing, and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay.
In the meat department, the... | 123 | 4.812184 | 5 | 2022-01-25T21:57:06 | 149 |
zg9ek1 | porichoygupto | My brother is an immigration officer. He and I disagree on almost every topic… | …But he usually sees where I’m coming from. | 13 | 2.564949 | 2 | 2022-12-08T19:49:53 | 27 |
1agp9lm | GreenHorror4252 | Millennials teaching other generations how to use computers | 1995: "Mom, let me show you how to type a report on the computer. It's easier than using pen and paper."
2024: "Kid, let me show you how to type a report on the computer. It's easier than using your phone." | 488 | 6.190315 | 68 | 2024-02-01T23:39:14 | 70 |
tp43to | Weird_Exposed | What did the duck say to his drug dealer? | Can I have some quack? | 31 | 3.433987 | 8 | 2022-03-26T21:04:47 | 17 |
tw0r62 | AllanfromWales1 | R/Science these days.. | "Study shows that the tops of tall buildings are further from the ground than the tops of shorter buildings." | 2 | 0.693147 | 2 | 2022-04-04T12:25:49 | 27 |
ri5r6u | jflipside | Doctor.. | I WENT to the doctor the other day and asked him, “Have you got anything for wind?”
He gave me a kite.. | 6 | 1.791759 | 0 | 2021-12-17T01:37:00 | 29 |
1cj5hzu | Chroma_Therapy | Why is the shoe artisan trying to look for more jobs? | cause he can't keep living on a sole income. | 7 | 1.94591 | 5 | 2024-05-03T10:40:33 | 23 |
1dz48rn | ThirstMutilat0r | Two old men were talking | Both forgot what they were talking about.
The first old man sat quietly, trying to remember what he was going to say.
The second one decided to just say *something*, and blathered loudly and nonsensically about memories he had that everyone knows did not actually happen.
For the next several weeks, the news ran a... | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2024-07-09T14:47:09 | 85 |
18hfnka | iamjamieq | Why did the phlebotomist proofread their paperwork? | To make sure it was typo negative. | 13 | 2.564949 | 2 | 2023-12-13T12:24:31 | 21 |
yw76p9 | heyandy1 | I used to play violin in a string quartet. Sadly one of our musicians was on drugs. | So we've had to ban Jo. | 10 | 2.302585 | 3 | 2022-11-15T19:33:13 | 28 |
xgp7ig | Natomiast | Grandma is showing her grandson the old picture of grandfather, where he is saluting Adolf Hitler. | \- Why is grandpa raising the hand?
\- He was shouting "whoa, whoa, you bad person" | 0 | 0 | 1 | 2022-09-17T15:18:44 | 45 |
10wi14q | NationYell | What is Boorillium on the periodic table known for? | It's the element of surprise! | 2 | 0.693147 | 2 | 2023-02-08T00:25:33 | 20 |
11bxtj3 | Elegant-Surprise-417 | I have a friend that accuses me of pushing him around and talking behind his back | He is in a wheelchair and we get along quite well. | 689 | 6.535241 | 19 | 2023-02-25T22:32:45 | 28 |
16b5a4l | Sir_E_L_Bawks | Yo mama so fat I got her a Salt Life decal. | After all, she eats McDonald's five times a day. | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2023-09-06T00:23:39 | 25 |
18r8xpc | porichoygupto | My wife asked me, “Do you hate all Christmas movies?” | Me: No. I love Love Actually actually. | 1 | 0 | 8 | 2023-12-26T14:11:42 | 23 |
ym0rc1 | dickcheney600 | I accidentally connected the drill to 220v instead of 110v. | When the fire alarm sounded, it was not a drill. Or was it? | 4 | 1.386294 | 1 | 2022-11-04T14:39:08 | 35 |
117333x | [deleted] | “What's so unpleasant about being drunk?" | "Ask a glass of water!"
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy | 4 | 1.386294 | 2 | 2023-02-20T10:09:41 | 28 |
tx42ag | Wallygonk | My wife came home from her night out with the girls, looked at me and said... | 'Take off my dress'.
So I did.
Then she said 'Now take off my bra'.
So I did.
Then she said 'Now take off my panties'.
So I did.
Then she said 'and if I EVER catch you wearing my clothes again I'm divorcing you'. | 113 | 4.727388 | 8 | 2022-04-05T20:19:05 | 76 |
1gb38h0 | JohnLandisHasGotToGo | I just saw a vanity license plate that said 'MMMIII' | It took me a minute to figure it out, but once I did, I felt like such a boob. | 1 | 0 | 5 | 2024-10-24T13:57:08 | 35 |
1b39zwi | CarmaHoor | I thought I was a calculator or at least an abacus, but it turns out I'm just fingers... | Still, everyone's counting on me. | 76 | 4.330733 | 12 | 2024-02-29T20:11:48 | 30 |
ugxgll | Wasingtheisofwas | A man was pushed into a vat of boiling dip at the Sabra factory. He died from the burns. | It was the first recorded case of Hummucide. | 1 | 0 | 1 | 2022-05-02T19:23:46 | 34 |
z60vj3 | RibaldPancake | At dinner yesterday evening, the dog was looking up at me trying to mooch for food. | ​
She said, "You're really a great cook! I love the fresh foods you pick, and the seasoning is amazing!"
I glared down at her and said, "Nice try, but after you ate that deer poop in the yard this afternoon your opinions on food quality don't carry much weight around here." | 8 | 2.079442 | 1 | 2022-11-27T13:10:28 | 93 |
1b8r5lg | andogzxc | Dogs | Let’s talk about crossbreeds of dogs… | 1 | 0 | 1 | 2024-03-07T10:12:58 | 12 |
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