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2020-10-26T16:29:33 | OP and their older brother both work for the family business. When OP's dad announces he's leaving 100% of the business to the brother, OP decides it's time to move on to a well timed job offer--but taking the job may mean the business loses its biggest client. [Posted 5 months ago] | AITA | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/grrm8e/wibta_for_taking_a_job_with_my_dads_biggest/) is by /u/telethisis.*
My dad has a business that me and my brother work for. My wants to leave the family business entirely to my older brother.
He says it makes the most sense because my older brother is his oldest child and has been in this business the longest. He has a business degree, and knows much more about the business side of this work.
While I do the physical aspect of the job very well I was a bit impulsive when I was younger, so he doesn’t think it would be a good idea for me to be in charge.
To be honest I don’t think it would be either, but considering how much I contribute to this business and that I am his son too I think I should at least get some say in the future of the business and a stake in the company. Not even half, but some.
In the end my father said no, but that I would get some money after he died.
The whole thing really pissed me off and I was starting to get bitter continuing to work there and be around them so I gave my two weeks notice. I’ve just been trying to keep a neutral demeanor the whole time.
This week is my last week and Jared, the guy that represents our biggest client was asking if I could take care of this other project next week. So I told him I would pass that along to my brother, but that I’m not going to be working here next week.
Jared and I talk a lot and are pretty friendly with each other because I’m the one that mostly works this job. We’ve actually hung out outside of work a few times. So he asked why I was leaving. I just said for personal reasons. He asks where I was going to be working and I told him I wasn’t sure yet because there’s not a lot of business that need employees with my skills.
Anyway today while I’m working Jared’s boss comes down and asks me if I will consider working for them. He said he’s been thinking for awhile of doing all this work in house, but has been having trouble finding someone experience since it’s such a specialized field.
He said he’s always been very happy with my work and that’s why they always request me. He offered me a three year contract and the salary is so much more than I would ever have made at my dads company plus it comes with benefits and an office. Not sure what I’ll do with an office, but that seems pretty cool.
I also get to pick out the equipment and I can hire two employees to work under me.
Overall it’s an amazing deal, but I know that losing this client will hit my families business hard. At the same time its not like I was asking for it or trying to steal their client. He was the one that came to me and wanted me.
I thought about maybe using this as a bargaining chip with my dad to get some say and stake in the company, but honestly I don’t want to get it that way and I just don’t want to work with either of them anymore.
**Edit.** I really regret putting the whole bargaining chip in this post. People seem to keep focusing on me doing that when I say right afterward that’s I don’t want to and don’t want to even work with them anymore. It was just a fleeting thought guys.
**Edit 2.** Seriously guys not actually planning on bargaining or negotiating with my dad or brother.
**Comment from OP**
I would say this client represents almost half the business we do. It’s also the only one that routinely gives us work. Our other clients are more sporadic.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hios7j/update_wibta_for_taking_a_job_with_my_dads/)
So it’s been a while since my first post and things have been settled.
I felt like the a good amount of ya’ll said it was okay to take the job. There were a few that said I should give my dad and brother a heads up that this was all happening before I accepted the job so as not to blindside them.
So that’s what I did the day after I made my original post. The talk itself didn’t go so smoothly though. They got pretty angry. My dad said this was a reason why it would have been bad to give me part of the business because I’m selfish and only think of myself when he’s trying to keep over a dozen people employed. My brother said I was basically betraying the family because I didn’t get something that I didn’t really deserve from them.
I didn’t exactly want to stay around them anymore after that so I just walked out early that day and decided not to finish out the rest of the week that I was going to. Later I called to formally accept the job.
The equipment we ordered only came last week so I was basically just been paid to stay at home and do nothing for the first few weeks. It was actually nice to have a break from everything before diving into work again.
It’s been pretty great at the new place though. My new workspace is a lot different (nicer) from my dads shop. It’s wide and open. It has air conditioning, assigned parking so no more fighting for a spot on the street.
The office they gave me isn’t huge, but it’s also nice. Like I said in my previous post I don’t have much use for an office, but it’s still a nice to have a private place to myself, especially one with a mini fridge. Overall I definitely feel much more appreciated here than I ever felt working with my dad.
Speaking of which I haven’t talked to my dad or brother since and I don’t think I will. I had heard from Jared that right after I had left after talking to them about the job they had called my new boss and tried to deter him from hiring me.
I also heard from a cousin that my dads business isn’t doing so well right now and they had to let some people go and are downsizing. Some of their other clients had shutdown their businesses due to covid. So that combined with losing their big client permanently hit them hard.
Anyway there not much more to say than that. Many of you were right in that it all likely did permanently damage my relationship with my father and brother, but I still want to say thank you to everyone who encouraged me to take the job. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jihq03/op_and_their_older_brother_both_work_for_the/ | jihq03 | 6,054 | 249 | [
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2020-10-27T17:17:13 | A small but amusing update about a very odd customer at OP'S job [posted a year ago] | TalesFromRetail | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalesFromRetail/comments/bgnzls/cursed_at_by_customer_because_i_got_her_an/) is by /u/Quirky_Ralph.*
My store sells personalized products and this lady bought one. For this specific product, she is the one responsible for making sure it is spelled correctly, etc. No one else down the line does that. It's how we can get a quick turnaround time. So she approves how it looks and it goes off for production.
Well, she got the order in and realized she had one date when it needed to say a different date. We checked and it was totally her fault. She had overlooked the error when she approved it. But she's unhappy bc she needs it to be correct and had spent a lot of money on it (~$700). But she realized it was her own mistake and decides to place another order, just wants us to check with our production team to make sure there was nothing they could do for her.
So I called up that team and sure enough, they were like "yeahhh... the only thing we can do is give her a 10% discount." Which I thought was decent, given that they could very well have denied any sort of reparation. But my customer is blown away. She CANNOT BELIEVE that they could only offer her a measly 10% discount.
".... .... .... Are you serious? I mean, that's just ridiculous! How insulting! I mean, at the very least it should be 25-30 percent!! Well... I'llhave to buy more but I can tell you what, I will NEVER, NEVER, EVER shop with you again! I mean... omigosh! How dare you. And I am going to leave a bad review for you. This is terrible."
I pretty much let her rant for a bit as she was clearly emotional about the situation and prospect of shelling out $700 more. But then, when she asks who she can "complain to" and I give her the number for customer service and start to advise her to choose the option to speak to the production department if she really wants to make people aware of her situation, she cuts me off and says "IM A FUCKING PRACTICING LAWYER, I DONT HAVE TIME FOR THIS! JUST FUCKING DO IT." And then hangs up on me.
Luckily, I've been working retail for a few years now and have no feelings left for her to hurt. I did consider introducing myself when she came in for her order as the woman she cussed out and hung up on. Then stare. It would have warmed my heart to be able to do that.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalesFromRetail/comments/bhvnsa/update_crazy_customer_who_got_mad_over_discount/)
I recently posted the original story about a customer who got pissed at me for getting her a discount for a reorder of a product she fucked up.
After posting, she decided to take the old product and fix it herself with a pen of a similar color. So she comes in for the old product- super stone faced. Not yelling, but also clearly not happy. We show her the pen and she silently goes to test it on a scratch pad of ours. We weren't really paying attention to her writing bc we just wanted her out of there.
After she silently takes everything and leaves, we noticed she had written actual words on the scratch pad. This crazy-ass woman wrote "sad, unhappy, disappointed, and dissatisfied." All without saying one word to us.
What an unhinged person... | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jj5cxc/a_small_but_amusing_update_about_a_very_odd/ | jj5cxc | 3,240 | 253 | [
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2020-10-28T00:29:51 | Best Rated Adaptive Fitness Gym Franchise - Special Strong | null | audreykirkwoodb | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jjdnp1/best_rated_adaptive_fitness_gym_franchise_special/ | jjdnp1 | 0 | 1 | [
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2020-10-28T00:29:56 | Best Rated Adaptive Fitness Gym Franchise - Special Strong | null | meghanibmarekib | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jjdnqj/best_rated_adaptive_fitness_gym_franchise_special/ | jjdnqj | 0 | 1 | [
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2020-10-28T14:59:53 | OP is being sued for $15,000 by a former employer for leaving them a one-star Google rating without comment: a lesson in why you should always, ALWAYS get a lawyer [posted a year ago] | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/8fbvya/just_got_served_with_a_lawsuit_seeking_15000_in/) is by /u/IGaveOneStarOops.*
I gave 1 star to my old employer on their Facebook page and on Google. Today I was served with a lawsuit seeking damages up to $15,000. I didn't write anything, I just gave 1 star. They claim my review is false because I was a former employee and have never utilized their services. Multiple members of my family have. They suck. Am I really not entitled to a review? What could happen here?
EDIT: I'm in Connecticut, and never signed any agreement at the start or end of employment. Thank you everyone for your advice.
---
[**FIRST UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/a0o4wh/dentist_is_suing_me_for_15000_over_a_1_star/)
I messed up and didn't take the biggest piece of advice given to me repeatedly on my previous post: "get a lawyer". I thought I could just respond to the lawsuit citing anti-SLAPP laws in CT, fax over the form and wait for the dismissal letter in the mail...
Weeks ago, I discovered that they had not received my response and if it wasn't mailed on time It would be too late. I paid for overnight mail and it was received on time according to the person on the phone. Weeks later I receive a letter with a date for my court "hearing".
I went to this hearing and thankfully the judge stopped my former boss and his lawyer (who also brought a new employee to testify??!?) mid testimony and asked me if I understood what was happening because "normally the defendant doesn't show up for this."
The judge kindly explained to me that I had already lost by default for not responding, and they were here to determine how much money I owe in damages. I pulled out a copy of my response, and the case was continued. Today I filed the proper motion and paid a fine of $130 to re-open the case against me in the clerks office at the court house. I was told to wait for a response in the mail. I am also getting a lawyer if I can afford it.
TL;DR: I didn't get a lawyer and filed the paperwork myself. It wasn't received by the court in time and I lost by default. The judge stopped the hearing because it was obvious I came ready to defend myself even though I had already lost. If you give a 1 star google review, run it by your attorney first.
Edit: To all the people sending me messages calling me stupid for this...well duh? Hopefully people will read this and never forget to take even the most BS lawsuits very seriously.
---
[**FINAL UPDATE** *(post deleted, recalled here)*](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/hobb39/dentist_is_suing_me_for_150000_over_a_1_star/)
I WON!
It went to trial. He lost. I represented myself. I had to cross examine witnesses that he brought, and the final figure that the dentist claimed in damages was $150,000 plus court costs totaling over $10,000. All because I left a 1 star google review. They made many obvious false accusations, and the judge could smell their BS. Judgement for the defendant :).
There are many great people on here, I was offered free legal representation and advice from many people in my area after this post. Thank you all for the support and kind words. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jjpbh4/op_is_being_sued_for_15000_by_a_former_employer/ | jjpbh4 | 3,253 | 356 | [
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2020-10-28T21:01:59 | OP's friends constantly make it known that they will support her when she comes out to them, but OP is straight. [Posted 3 months ago] | Relationship_Advice | *Repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hv8fdx/my_24f_friends_keep_reassuring_me_that_theyll_be/) by u/toastiesandtea*
 I want to start this off by saying my friends are wonderful people who are supportive and positive. We're a very diverse crowd and would probably be considered progressive by most people's standards.
There's eight of us in this social circle (including me), and between us half are POC, three are LGBT+, one is a sex worker and another became a parent at 15. I'd like to think we're open minded people who see personality first and nothing else and I love them all to shreds.
The problem I'm having now is that they're a bit too woke to the point that I'm now getting DMs from my friends who are sending me links to organisations [like this](https://www.lgbtyouth.org.uk/groups-and-support/lgbt-advice-centre/coming-out/) for 'coming out' support. I literally have been in a straight relationship for 5 years now but I think they believe I'm bisexual.
Other examples of my friends trying to support me would be when one of my LGBT+ friends invited me to join their LGBT+ society at Uni (we go to the same one). I pointed out it's for LGBT only and not allies and they said "That's the point, they can help you!"
I have said multiple times that I'm straight, I love my partner and I've never been interested in anyone who isn't a cis-male before. When I politely remind them of this they keep quiet for a month or so but then it comes back up somehow.
Last Saturday I'd had enough, we had all been on a video call together and a joke was made about how "literally half of this damn group is gay!". Half of eight is four, there are three who are gay unless you count 'me'.
I just outright asked why everyone was under the impression I was gay. I was fed up of not knowing how this started and why they weren't listening to me. Everything went so quiet you could hear a pin drop.
Finally one of them said it was my body language, my mannerisms, how I talk to women, the way I dress etc. Apparently the vibe I give off is that of a woman who is gay but hasn't realised yet. Another friend then pointed out how in high school there was a rumour I had a girlfriend because a female friend of mine would sit on my knee and we would go to the bathroom together a lot, which I'd completely forgotten about.
It sucks because I see their point. I do dress in baggy men's clothes and shoes. I do dye my hair funky colours and wear Lynx/Axe spray. I do probably come across as flirty with women (completely unintentionally) by doing things like pulling out seats and holding doors open. I'm broadly built and many people over the years have said I [stand](https://media.gq.com/photos/5c337aa60a6d90408dff180f/master/w_1600%2Cc_limit/john-mayer-greatest-fits-gq-february-2019-8.jpg) and [sit](https://i.pinimg.com/736x/9a/55/d4/9a55d40bc9a606c16146d33b965f5e3e.jpg) like a [man](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C6nChxXV4AAafFb.jpg). I've even had women make a pass at me in gay clubs.
This would be great if I was gay but I'm not. I can tell it's only a matter of time before my partner becomes concerned but I'm not sure how to address this! My friends genuinely are lovely people and they aren't being pushy, I think they're just worried I have internalised homophobia and want me to be okay. My questions are:
1. Should I make a conscious effort to make my appearance and behaviours more feminine and less stereotypically butch? And
2. What's the best way I could sit my friends down and talk about this properly?
I would be heart broken if this affected my relationship with my SO. I love him to pieces and it was super hard trying to find a guy that didn't want me to be their lady-bro in the first place. I don't want to lose the person who could see past that and find it attractive. Please help!
edit - can I just say... Wow. You have all been so incredibly supportive of me and I want to say thank you. I was terrified of posting in case I came across like I was being sensitive and overreacting and that it was my fault for being who I am. I can't thank you guys enough
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/i6ohwg/update_my_24f_friends_keep_reassuring_me_that/) *original removed, archived on [removeddit](https://removeddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/i6ohwg/update_my_24f_friends_keep_reassuring_me_that/)*
 First and foremost, thank you to everyone who reached out to me, I was blown away by how many others have gone through the same thing. There was some wonderful advice in there which I used going forward with my friends. So without further ado, here is the update.
Yesterday I managed to coax everyone into a group video call. I knew it would be awkward because one of my friends (B) came across my post on here and guessed it was me from the title and username (apparently having a unique situation and eating a toastie with a cup of tea for lunch everyday makes it obvious, oops). That friend promised that they would keep their discovery a secret and I believe they did based on the reaction I got from everyone on the video call.
Going back to my friend - upon finding my post B immediately sent a message where they apologised for not defending me when they should have. They came across a specific chain of comments where I talk about how forcing people to come out has negative consequences. These comments hurt to read because (unbeknownst to me) that happened to B's brother at the age of 14. He was too young and confused to deal with the heavy burden of being outed before he was ready, and as a result he was suicidal for years. A friend snooped on his phone and found MxM porn history, screenshot it and it all went downhill from there.
I could tell they were truly sorry so I accepted their apology without question (if you're reading this B, you're an amazing sibling to your brother and a brilliant friend to me, please don't be hard on yourself). All has since been forgotten with them.
Right - one down, seven to go. So next I messaged the group chat and asked if we could have a video call because I had something to say... This is where it gets awkward.
When everyone's cameras came on I noticed that four of them had party poppers and two of those same four had pride flags - one even had one painted on their face... They thought I was 'finally' coming out.
I didn't entertain it for a second and told them all to calm down because they were wasting their excitement as it wasn't what they thought it was. I condensed my sentiments down in about five minutes - short, sweet, concise. Summed up, I said:
* I am straight. I do not have internalised homophobia, I really am just straight. I'm not bisexual nor a lesbian using my boyfriend to divert attention.
* By invalidating my sexuality/romantic leanings they invalidated my love for my partner which is unfair.
* Saying someone is non-binary, trans, agender, etc purely because of their interests, looks and taste in clothes is harmful because it (ironically) forces the narrative that women are only really women when they're feminine, soft and smell like roses (and vice versa for men).
* If I really were gay, the way they were going about supporting me was technically forceful and thus harmful. If someone isn't ready they aren't ready.
Once I blurted this all out at them I noticed that B (my friend who found my post) was crying, as was one other friend. Everyone else was completely speechless. I said I loved them all and that I'm still their friend but I was going to end the call because I felt it was best that I let everything sink in and that the rest was up to them.
Now, in my post it became apparent that many of you felt my friends weren't great friends but I'd like to think their reaction disproves this. There wasn't a single one of them that didn't profusely apologise, but it was the two who were pushing for me to 'come out' most that really went out of their way.
Let's call these two friends X and Y. X invited me to an afternoon tea in their back garden (allowed in my country) because it was sunny, and they said that it was just going to be our friend group. Naturally I said yes because I took this as a sign they wanted to talk. Turns out it was more.
They threw me a surprise 'coming out' party but as an ally. There were pride flags everywhere but they had written the word 'acceptance' on them. After many apologies and hugs there was food, booze, laughing and joking. We had a giant water fight with water-guns and water-balloons loaded up on drunken enthusiasm. When the sun went down and it got cold we bundled inside and watched She's The Man on DVD with mango sorbet, my effing favourite :) I love my friends - they gave me the acceptance I was looking for and I couldn't be happier.
TL;RD - everything is great; my friends, my relationship, my self-esteem... It's all good. We have a big happy friendship circle and everything pulled through with a big talk and a boozy water fight.
PS: I hope those of you reading this who are LGBT+ don't take offense to them throwing me the party because I understand genuinely being gay/queer and coming out isn't easy and is definitely not a joke. But the reason they threw this party, I believe, is because I had thrown both X and Y a coming out party. I see this as an "I accept you, and you accept me" sort of move. | TrahMe | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jjwb4q/ops_friends_constantly_make_it_known_that_they/ | jjwb4q | 9,415 | 482 | [
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2020-10-29T20:04:27 | OP asks his 4 year old cousin where her imaginary friend lives (Update after 5 years) | TIFU | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/3d6z2l/tifu_by_asking_my_4year_old_cousin_where_her/)*
 
This actually happened today, yay! So my Aunt and Uncle just had a baby boy a week ago. They also have two daughters, a 4 year old and a 2 year old (I'm a 26 year old guy, so my cousins are a lot younger than I am). Because they had their hands full, with the newborn and two young daughters, I volunteered to take my 4 year old cousin to the park for the day. She's very attached to me and love spending time with her. When I got to their house, she was eating so I just hung out at the house for a while.
As she ate, my cousin told me about her new friend "Mimi," and my aunt filled me in that Mimi was my cousin's new imaginary friend. I thought nothing of it, as many young children have imaginary friends. Enter the FU. So I start to ask my cousin questions about Mimi. My cousin answers them with an adorable swiftness as if Mimi is a real person. She tells me all about her curly hair and how she wants to go visit Mimi at her house. I asked her where Mimi lives and she said that she'll show me on the way to the park.
This is strange because, as a 4 year old, I didn't think she would actually be able to point out a location of where Mimi lives, let alone tell me it's "on the way to the park."
Anyway, so we head out a little while later, and as we're driving, my cousin starts telling me from her car seat "Hereafter Superman, this is where Mimi lives." I look to the right but there's nothing there. "No the other side!!" I look to my left and nearly crash as I realize she's pointing into a cemetery. "Cousin, you've made a mistake, Mimi doesn't live here," I say, trying to laugh it off. "Yes she does! She told me this is where she lives and sleeps!"
TL;DR Cousin may be interacting with a spirit. I will be crying myself to sleep tonight.
 
EDIT: Well I have had quite a few people ask me to go to the cemetery to investigate. My initial reaction was: ya'll stupid. But the next day I'm off from work is Friday, so we'll see. Maybe then.
EDIT 2: I've provided the name of the cemetery to a fellow redditor who said he/she will look up the graves and see if there is a Mimi. Let's be patient.
EDIT 3: A very caring redditor has looked up some info about the cemetery and came back with this: "There is a single Mimi buried in that cemetery. She was 37 at the time of her death in 1949. That said, there are 16,800+ burials there so it's likely we could have a match on any name your niece gave you. Still, I'd also think there would be more than one Mimi. I'm happy to do more research on her, if you like." So there is a Mimi! We will see. I will go back and talk to my cousin again.
Edit 4: just wanted to add that I've never had a post blow up and get this much attention before. This is so cool. Thanks reddit :D
EDIT 5: OK, so I'm going to see my cousin Friday and ask her a few more questions and maybe visit the cemetery. I just want you all to know that in reading all of your comments and they mean so much to me. Thank you for all of this attention, I had no idea this post would blow up like this. I wish I could respond to and thank you all individually but know that I'm trying my best to respond to as many people as I can. If I miss you, I really am sorry. Thanks again, Reddit, you've made my week :)
Edit 6: I think I need to clarify. I will be visiting the cemetery alone. I am NOT taking my 4 year old baby cousin to a cemetery.
 
FRIDAY EDIT 1: Ok, everyone, I want to thank you all for being so patient with me and getting so invested in my post. This has literally made like my month lol I want you to know I will be posting an update today sometime, which will include details about my visit to the cemetery, info found by the wonderful u/gutterpeach about the Mimi buried in the cemetery, as well as any conversation I may have with my cousin.
I am going to try my best to visit her and speak to her one on one and get some more insight, however I do ask of you to be a little more patient because today is in fact the most important holiday in my religion so I also have to visit other family members and I'm not sure what my aunt and uncle's plans are. But I will do my best to find some time to go visit them when I go to the cemetery. Again, thank you all so much for this opportunity. Lastly, just wanted to thank the splendid u/gutterpeach again for all her hard work in uncovering the enigma that is Mimi.
For more of her amazing amazing work, I would definitely check out her sub, r/cemeterypreservation. Talk to you soon!!
 
[**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/3dpba5/tifu_mimi_update/)
Now, for those of you that are here for that, I want to thank you sooooo much for your attention, support and patience with me. Today was a holiday for me so spent the day visiting a lot of different family members. But at the end of the day, I did come to my aunt's house where my cousin lives to talk to her about Mimi. As I said, I am going to update you on the whole Mimi situation, and it's 11:36 here as a I type this so it's still Friday! I'm just a little nervous updating you all because I am afraid of getting incredibly down voted and pretty much hated by the entire reddit community. The reason for this is because my cousin gave me some responses to my questions that are going to be fairly disappointing. I know everyone was wishing for a haunting or something exciting but there's nothing to report.
I asked my cousin how old Mimi is and she said 4. That doesn't at all match the age of the Mimi in the cemetery. I asked her if Mimi is nice and she said she is. I asked if she has spoken to Mimi recently and she said No. Finally, before I could ask anymore questions she says to me "Her name isn't Mimi anymore, it's Minnie."
Changing names pretty much summed up for me that my Cuzzie has a very active imagination. Nothing more. That being said, there is something I wanted to share with everyone. The wonderful u/gutterpeach, owner of the amazing sub r/cemeterypreservation worked so hard for me and found out a ton of information about the Mimi buried in the cemetery near my cousin's house. While this whole adventure may have been a bust, a figment of my cousin's imagination, I think we should honor the Mimi that gave us all some interest these past few days by reading about her. Again, I'm so sorry if everyone is disappointed, please don't hate me!
 
Without further ado, I give you...Mimi:
She was born Mary Schneider but it appears that she was given the nickname of Mimi when she was very young. The daughter of Bohemian/Austrian immigrants and, per the 1915 New York Census and 1930 US Census, lived with her family in Brooklyn. In 1939, she married Jack Bollentin. There are a few photos of the wedding.
Her parents were Rudolph and She had four older sisters, Hedwig, Frances, Elizabeth and Emilie and a younger brother Rudolph (Rudy).
http://imgur.com/a/eGXac
Tl;dr Mimi is now Minnie. She's disappeared. Cousin has an active imagination. Don't hate me.
Edit 1: Ok, so just as before, I am slowly reading everyone's comments I will try to get back to everyone individually if possible. If I miss you I am sorry! But thank you so much for the support in this endeavor, reddit. :)
Edit 2: Just wanted to address the people saying that Mimi was onto me and told my cousin to give out false info to protect herself. I love that you got so emotionally invested in this and don't want to let it go haha trust me, I didn't either, I loved being on this adventure with you all.
And while I don't think that happened, I think my cousin just has a really wild imagination, I do think one thing was strange: My cousin said her "name changed." As if she was told to change the name. She didn't say "I have a new friend named Minnie." Or "Mimi's gone now I have Minnie." She said it like it was the same friend with a different name for some reason. That was strange to me. Think about what that might signify!! Lollll
 
[**5 Years Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/grq19p/tifupdate_by_asking_my_4_year_old_cousin_where/)
I am in SERIOUS doubt that anyone remembers my TIFU post and subsequent update from 5 years ago, regarding my cousin’s imaginary friend Mimi, and all the clamor it created to see if she was speaking to someone who had passed and was laid to rest in a nearby cemetery. That was posted from an old reddit account that I have since deleted. I am posting this from a throwaway because I do have a new account that I’d like to keep to myself.
It turned out she wasn’t and just had an overactive imagination (stated in the update) but what was supposed to be an interesting little TIFU post on my part gained a lot of attention and turned into something bigger that culminated in the beautiful discovery of a woman named Mimi who got the attention she never got in her lifetime in the 1930’s. All of that was thanks to the help of a user called u/gutterpeach (to whom I haven’t spoken in 5 years and am not even sure she remembers how much she helped, but hope she is well).
Now, all of that being said, I am here for another update because something interesting is happening. My then 4 year old cousin is now my 9 year old cousin and we are still very close. I am also close with her 7 year old sister (then 2 years old), 5 year old brother (then newborn), and 2 year old baby sister (then non-existent).
This update won’t be long. Just a little interesting fact: the 2 year old baby sister, who didn’t exist 5 years ago when the 9 year old was 4, and had an imaginary friend named Mimi who “lived” in the cemetery........ya, her nickname/pet name that her family calls her is Mimi. I wish I were creative enough to make that up.
Not sure if anyone will remember the old post or even see this, but, thought it was a funny tidbit. Nice to see you all again.
 
Tl;dr Posted on reddit 5 years ago that my 4 year old cousin had an imaginary friend named Mimi who lived in the cemetery. After a lot of Reddit attention, and an interrogation of a 4 year old, we discovered my cousin was just imaginative but paid respects to woman named Mimi in the cemetery. 5 years later, she has 2 year old baby sister, whose nickname at home is Mimi. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jkhjhz/op_asks_his_4_year_old_cousin_where_her_imaginary/ | jkhjhz | 10,367 | 367 | [
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2020-10-30T16:08:41 | OP's obnoxious mother-in-law is suing him and his wife (her daughter) for grandparent's rights, and is trying to legally block their move out of state. [Posted a year ago] | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/b079ru/mother_in_law_suing_my_wife_for_grandparent_rights/) is by /u/Singularize_.*
So today in the mail we received a letter from the county court of where my mother in law lives and she is suing us for "grandparent rights" a little back story.
*Courts based in upstate NY*
Over the last almost 8 years me and my wife have been together her parents always have despised me cause i was a punk city boy and my wife was a good country girl. We moved in after 6 months and have been happy together since. we got married back in 2015 so we are coming up on a 4 year anniversary and things got better for awhile until we bought our first house and i got a job where i started making a lot of money. me and my wife now live a very comfortable life nice cars house etc.
Back on thanksgiving of last year is when shit hit the fan. Her mother said some very hurtful stuff about me and my wife to my brother in laws girlfriend, my wife and her are very close so she tells her everything and once the beans were spilled my wife confronted her mother about it. Her mom made every excuse under the sun instead of just saying sorry she was wrong (we know she said it because there was text proof). We haven't talked to her only once or twice since thanksgiving.
Today we received a letter in the mail from her county court suing for grandparent rights everything i have read they can only sue if we are "unfit" to be parents. My wife and i don't have any alcohol, drug problems, or trouble with the law we have been happily married for almost 4 years and our kids are well taken care of no debt etc. We also never once stated ever she could not see the children not verbally or over text. We just sold our house yesterday expected close is early May and then we are moving to South Carolina this has been a plan for years and we finally acted on it back in December.
Does she have any ground to stand on? Does NY have any laws to that effect where they could force us to give them the kids for visitation? Can this stop our move from happening and screw up the sale of my house? Any advice is much appreciated.
**EDIT** - thank you for EVERYONE who has commented on this post i am trying to read over them all and you guys are amazing i plan to consult a lawyer so we can not have this hiccup our plans to move, but holy crap i didn't expect these responses you people rock!
**UPDATE**: we double checked over the doc and its nothing just yet she filed in her county and they transferred it to mine, my wife is calling tomorrow to see what the next steps are so we can get it rolling prior to our move. THANK YOU for all of you support and i will catch up on comments at work tomorrow it means more then any of you know! Also she filed the junction THE DAY AFTER we posted our house officially for sale i looks clear as day that she is attempting to block my move, as well as a few other stories rolled through DMs last night about more or less her not having a relationship wont hold up in court and my mom said the same thing she is a paralegal.
---
[**FIRST UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/b827a9/update_mother_in_law_suing_for_grandparents_rights/)
So we have court 4/10 which is actually best case scenario as our house is now sold and we close early May. We passed this by our realtor whom we had supporting documentation of us moving back when we talked to her in May of 2018 stating we were going to move south. She is so awesome she wrote a letter stating we were moving prior to all this happening and got it notarized by the state.
This should be a slam dunk and the judge will likely ask why are you wasting my time? Her reason for the requested visitation is "she loves her grand kids very much and deserves to be apart of their life" per the law she has no leg to stand on and this is not a valid reason she would be able to get visitation even if she does we are moving and i don't believe NY state can stop that. One last thing about this is the petition she filled out my sons birthday isn't even correct its off by 4 days.
Court date is 4/10 will update once court is completed.
**EDIT** : https://legislation.nysenate.gov/pdf/bills/2017/A7821 - section 17-22 for anyone who is concerned regarding the childs best interest i appreciate everyone's concern regarding a lawyer but i feel confident we have this handled. i initially made these posts for people actual real life experiences not a bunch of other people telling me im ignorant or an idiot for not having a lawyer i received multiple DMs of people telling me their story and they encourage my decision as mine is nowhere near severe anyone elses i have read/heard.
[**SECOND UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/bbzfsh/update_mother_in_law_suing_for_grandparents_rights/)
Court was a massive waste of time it was basically a mitigation room where we spoke to a judge and they asked us very vague questions regarding the visitation they didn't grant anything to my mother in law but want us to go back on the 29th. if i paid a lawyer for that i would have been very upset as it was a massive waste of time. i will update again after the 29th.
---
[**FINAL UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/byg6ll/nys_mil_suing_me_and_my_wife_for_grandparents/)
So as I have received loads of messages about an update we just finally got our verdict this week and the case was dismissed we filed a motion for dismissal and she had 2 weeks to reply and I presume no reply was made so the judge dismissed our case. We now live 900 miles away and move into our house Friday
LIFE IS GOOD
Thanks for all the concern and nice messages from everyone I hope no one else has to go through that ever I lost $1500 to a lawyer but best of all my MIL has nothing on me and my wife and she lives 900 miles away. Apologize for not replying I don’t have regular PC access presently so I have been on mobile
THANK YOU FOR GOLD! Reddit can be so supportive sometimes and it’s awesome thank you everyone for the well wishes! | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jkzmky/ops_obnoxious_motherinlaw_is_suing_him_and_his/ | jkzmky | 6,118 | 316 | [
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2020-10-31T09:27:51 | SIL refuses to leave OP's house | Relationship_Advice |
OG u/Flow3rchild1234
To give some context before hand, when my husband and I were building our new build, the house we currently own and reside in now, we had to stay with my in-laws. They were nice enough to ease that bit if a financial burden on us while our house was being built. During the time there, my husbands sister (22) was living there with her two kids and one baby on the way. Well least to say I hated living there. Especially around her. She’s messy, she’s dirty, doesn’t pick up after herself or her kids, doesn’t clean around the home, doesn’t contribute to any of the house hold income, NOTHING. She’s never had a job and doesn’t even know how to drive, so for obvious reasons she doesn’t have an income.
Fast forward to my husband and I living in our new 5 bedroom home, his sister ended up moving in with her baby daddy. We thought they were doing fine until she came crying to us literally knocking at our door step in the middle of the night saying BD kicked her out because he’s tired of her. I felt so bad for her we let her stay at our place. I asked her what happened & she said he’s done. So her BD & I aren’t the closest but I did ask him if everything was ok? Just because she has a tendency to lie sometimes. BD said he was tired of coming home to a dirty home, to eat fast food all the time (because she doesn’t know how to cook) to having their sons constantly sick because all they eat is ramen & fast food. He’s tired of it. He told me that he shouldn’t have to work 12hr days & come home to a mess, nothing cooked, etc. (Before she moved in with BD I encouraged my husbands sister to learn how to cook, that I could teach her but she declined).
It’s been 2 months now since we let her stay at our house , luckily it’s big enough but she doesn’t pull her weight around the home. I’m tired of waking up to screaming kids, while I’m currently pregnant myself. I’m tired of seeing the living room a mess while she sleeps in late until 1pm. I’m tired of her freeloading off of our stuff. I refuse to cook more than I have to. I let her figure it out for herself. My husband buys her food Or fast food but i told him not to do that. I told him it’s not our or HIS responsibility to have to be providing for the babies either. The babies I’ll give a snack too, I’ll make sure they’re eating right but it’s still not my responsibility.
I told my husband that I was tired of it, and he said there was nothing he can do because that’s his sister. I told him that she could go like with either one of his parents ( since they’re divorced ) she has plenty of options and family. But she says she doesn’t want to be a handful for them because of the kids.. well frankly she’s a handful for me too.. in one instance, there was a handful of dirty dishes that have been stacking up for the day while my husband and I worked. They were all from her and the babies , I was so mad I washed them all and she asked if I was nesting. Some of our family members came unexpectedly, and Infront of them all I said, “ no I’m not nesting, I’m cleaning up the dirty dishes you’ve let yourself accumulate and not care to even wash”. She gave me the dirtiest of looks.
I’ve told my husband to talk to her about leaving and she won’t leave. She just won’t. I told him it’s either me & the family he’s decided to create with me. Or his sister. I told him that until she’s not out of this house, I’ll be leaving, and I won’t be coming back. It’s began to take such a toll on my marriage with my husband I’m not sure what’s going to happen.
I’m not sure what to do anymore? How do I make her leave my home ? How do I make my husband understand that I don’t want her here. She’s not my responsibility.
​
First of, thank you all for the advice and suggestions. I sat down with a lawyer and talked about if it’s possible for the sister to be considered a tenant and if so can we charge rent. Well luckily in my state my SIL isn’t considered a tenant so I would not have to charge rent. I also wouldn’t have to serve her with any type of tenant eviction as there is no binding contract. Because of this I have obtained a notarized letter that is allowing her 30 days to pick up her things and leave. I’m being courteous enough in giving her that much time. Ive decided to do this before sitting down and speaking to my husband about the issue. After I obtained the notarized letter, I spoke with my husband. I told him how I felt about my home looks like a mess, how I shouldn’t be having to take care of his sister and children, being pregnant, and how she’s should be responsible enough to be able to take care of herself. We both agreed to sit down with her and talk to her.
The next day as we sat down and talked with her after we got home from running some errands, I let him talk. I let him tell her that she was no longer welcome in our home. He told her the reasons ( being a slob, not picking up after her children, not contributing to our our household in any way, and making my pregnancy a living hell). I realized how it sort of pained him to have to tell her that, but it’s something she needed to know. While having this discussion she retaliated and said she was being “attacked” and wouldn’t leave because she didn’t have else where to go. I told her she did. She could go to my in laws, other family members but inside my home , to live in , she was no longer welcome. She made the smart ass comment of saying, “ you’re going to toss me out in the middle of a pandemic” and I said yes. Yes I am. I told her she has people to go to and live with. That my home wasn’t her new nesting ground & that she should’ve thought about the comment she just made when her BD kicked her out. I pulled out the eviction notice and told her she has 30 days to get her shit together, or else I’m going to be calling the cops to have her removed from my home. My husband wasn’t too proud of it, and was mad that I would actually serve her with a notice. I told him right infront of my SIL that if she doesn’t leave in 30 days, that I will, and he will not be allowed to see me or the baby until she’s out of the house. I told him I didn’t bust my ass working so she can enjoy the luxuries and commodities I’ve been working so hard to enjoy myself. She won’t have her own room at my in-laws oh well, go get some job experience and get an apartment. Can’t keep BD to stay with you because you can’t seem to learn how to cook or clean, or have an basic sense of maintaining a house hold, should’ve thought that before opening your legs and deciding to get pregnant again with a 3rd child.
All and all, she’s been served with an eviction notice and I have packed my bags incase she doesn’t leave. I have taken picture of valuable items in my home and pictures of her current living situation. Dirty rooms, the mess she leaves laying around for days, the kids not being fed a proper meal. Everything. My lawyer has recommended that if she does not leave and my husband decides to have her stay and he’d be responsible then I should consider filing for divorce.
I set my foot down, and listened to you all. Thank you again for your comments and supportive advice. I will keep you updated as the situation progresses.
Update as of yesterday:
>I’m sorry to have kept you all waiting for the situation regarding my SIL. Here is the last and final update on the situation.
>Soon after I gave her the notice I got the cold shoulder from SIL and my husband for about a week or so. I absolutely hated having to sleep beside my husband knowing he disliked what I did. Eventually he came around and realized what this was doing to our family when in an instance he was working from his office and the babies where out in the living room some crying nonstop and she was in her room while talking on the phone. Thats when he saw and realized that she was being neglectful the rift this was causing in our family, and knew something needed to be done about it.
>During this time that SIL wasn’t talking to me at all, she posted comments about me on social media, and tried to in a way drag me for the decision I made regarding her living situation. Well family members who were aware of the situation sent me screen shots and I kept it for court records if necessary about what she was saying about me online. Calling me toxic, and that I thought I was better than everyone else because I had everything , and that if It weren’t for her brother ( my husband ) that I wouldn’t have what I have now. Well not that it matters but I am very well set off with the business I decided to run two years ago so I don’t need your brothers money, but nice try. I did gather some informational packages about child care, and where she could go and drop off her kids for free and some well trusted places & so on so she can get a job & attempt to make some progress but she threw them out. I tried.
>At around maybe like 25ish days was when she moved out, and her baby daddy ended up taking her back. I had the locks to my home changed, and was able to restore some peace into my home. My husbands family had mixed feelings about the situation and how it was handled but if no one else was going to show her some form of tough love or be responsible for their own blood acting like this, then I don’t know who would. Its was so easy for some to judge when they weren’t even willing to help her out at all.. It really sucks that it went this far and that my husband only gets to see his nephews on occasion but I guess better me than blood family right? If it were my Hispanic family members in this position they would’ve been booted out of their household without hesitation until they figured it out. And that’s the kind of tough love I grew up with. Sounds a bit harsh, but definitely does work. I don’t know, I feel somewhat shitty but also I would never take advantage of someone else’s hospitality the way she did. I’m coming up very close to my due date and as I get bigger and a little more unable to do much around the house, I’m just glad it’s clean.
>Thank you all once again for riding in this journey for me, and if by any reasons there are any future updates I will let you know. | cherry5462 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jlfgao/sil_refuses_to_leave_ops_house/ | jlfgao | 10,236 | 292 | [
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2020-11-01T16:31:35 | OP's drug-addicted mother claimed that the mutual fund set up by OP's grandmother in her name went bankrupt long ago, but OP just got a tax bill for a recent withdrawal on her account. [Posted 5 years ago] | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/39tlzj/mom_stole_a_trust_fund_i_didnt_know_i_had_now_the/) is by /u/VonCattington.*
When I was a kid, my grandparents would give my brother and I checks for every holiday and birthday towards a mutual fund they opened in our names. My mom always told us we could not access the money until we were 25. A few years ago, I asked her about it and she told me the mutual funds investments had gone bankrupt and there was nothing left in the accounts.
Fast forward to Thursday. My dad got a letter from the IRS addressed to me, I asked him to open it as I live in Canada now and shipping could take a while. In it, the IRS demanded the tax(between 3 and 4 hundred) for around $3,600 withdrawn from the account. I was blown away as I had never accessed the account before, I didn't even know my account number or anything of the sort.
I called the company that held the account and they told me the account had been cashed out in August 2013. The check had been overnighted to my mother's house in FL. They informed me it was not fraud as my motheris the custodian of the account, and it was assumed the money would be for my benefit. However I was living in Canada by then, and never knew or saw a penny of that money. She did not fill out the 1099B that came with it and so it lapsed under my SS#.
Whats my next step? Could I sue her for the original $3,600? Honestly she is a broke crack addict and I never hope to get that money back. She also stole my inheritance from my grandparents and about 5k in US savings bonds from me prior to this. Right now I am mostly concerned that I do not want to pay the IRS for having been stolen from. How do I approach or dispute this with the IRS? After finding out, I also had my brother see his account history with them - same story, 2.5k withdrawn at the same time as my account. The IRS has not contacted him yet. Should he pre-emptively contact them or wait to get a demand letter as well? Is the mutual fund in any way liable? I think the answer is no but feel it should be asked.
I am still currently temporary resident in Ontario, US citizen. Brother lives in TX, mom now lives in VA, the account was set up and cashed out in FL. I'm feeling lost and betrayed and any help would be appreciated. Thanks in advance.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/c8km7j/way_late_update_my_mom_stole_a_trust_fund_i_didnt/)
I'm only three years late but wanted to update this post.
I reached out to the IRS who, after several phone calls and hours on hold, told me nothing could be done and to just pay up. I called one more time and a much nicer agent told me more kindly that nothing could be done unless I could get my mother to admit to withdrawing the money in writing.
I told her that if she just told the truth, admitted it to me and the IRS and wrote the letter, I would forgive her and we could put it behind us. She refused. I told her to not contact me again until she was ready to stop blaming others and admit what she had done.
A few (blissfully calm) weeks later she called me and apologized. She wrote a handwritten letter stating she withdrew the money without my knowledge and none of the proceeds went towards my care. I wrote my own letter explaining that I was already an adult immigrating to another country at the time of the withdrawal, and attached a photocopy of my passport stamps, an affidavit that I had never lived at the address the cheque was sent to, and the receipt of my immigration application which was dated prior to the withdrawal. I asked that the tax liability be transferred to my mother and included her SS number which she signed off on.
The IRS sent me a letter back stating that the taxes owing would be issued under my mother's name. Because she was a jobless crack addict, her income was under the federal threshold and she did not need to pay anything due to how low her income was that year. Disaster averted.
For those curious, no, I never got the money back and decided not to pursue it. I didn't know it existed before the IRS contacted me, and didn't feel it was in anyone's best interest to force the issue knowing that I'd never get repaid anyways. Mom quit crack a year or two back, but still battles her demons in the form of alcoholism. Our relationship has slightly improved. Also, I'm a woman (most comments assumed I was male). The end. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jm54p1/ops_drugaddicted_mother_claimed_that_the_mutual/ | jm54p1 | 4,452 | 335 | [
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2020-11-02T06:39:13 | OP get asked to join throuple by husband and best friend | Relationship_Advice |
OP: [THROWRA\_justfml](https://old.reddit.com/user/THROWRA_justfml)
Edit: You beautiful people of reddit. I’m overcome (and honestly overwhelmed) with the outpouring of comments and support and awards and DMs. I just got home from work and am crying but this is a good cry. It’s been a really awful year and yesterday was brutal but logging on to this has just been the most special thing. I promise to read all your comments and DMs but it’s going to take some time haha. People who spent their coins on awards — that’s very sweet of you and I’m surprised that you’d do that on a throwaway but I want you to know that it honestly touched my heart that strangers can be this caring about a nobody. I don’t feel alone like I did last night when I posted. THANK YOU. I still have no idea the best way to leave this situation but I’m definitely not signing up for a throuple which I made crystal clear to my husband at 4am. Also, my manager pulled me aside today and asked me if everything is okay because I obviously didn’t sleep and look super gross I think from the throwing up and not eating. I just told him what happened because I couldn’t think of a lie on the spot. He took me to his office and searched our legal Bar and legal help and divorce mediation and looked me dead in the eyes and said if I tell anyone at work he’ll deny it so then I broke down sobbing in his office which was really not my finest moment. So it turns out he has a soul and gave me Monday off in his words to “get yourself to a lawyer but keep it quiet from your husband”. So on Monday my husband will think I’m at work but I’ll be seeing what my next steps should be from a legal perspective. Speaking of my husband, I asked him to give me some space for the next few days and he’s on the couch. My best friend texted me a few times today but I’ve just left her on read. This was a long edit! I’m going to eat something and sleep now. Thank you for caring reddit.
Okay, let me start out by saying fuck 2020. My husband lost his job in April, and has been home while I have been working extra shifts (making $12/hr) to keep us from going broke. Yes, I’ve been out of the house more than at home. Yes, I haven’t been super active in bed because I am really exhausted all the time from working 70 hours a week STANDING ON MY FEET all 70 hours. I thought he’d appreciate that I am working so we have things like food and a place to live. Instead he and my best friend have been fucking while I’ve been at work. She lost her job too. They’ve always gotten along with each other and I’ve never felt jealous or threatened that they have hung out together just the 2 of them over the years. One very drunk night in 2009 she and I did make out but it was a one time thing and I didn’t enjoy it. I thought I could trust them and that they were just friends. Obviously, I’m an idiot.
Enough backstory. I came home tonight and found them snuggling on the couch watching tv. Like in a spooning position, but it was very obvious it was intimate. They didn’t panic, but she sat up. Then he sat up. At this point I felt my stomach turn into a rock and I felt dizzy. No word of a lie, my body went into some kind of shock? I just walked to the bathroom and closed the door and sat on the toilet. I just started crying after I have no idea how long. I threw up. I heard them whisper talking but couldn’t make out what they were saying, but then they knocked on the bathroom door and asked if I was ok, and I told them “obviously fucking not.” They didn’t backpedal or deny anything. They didn’t admit to fucking then, but my best friend said we should all probably talk about what’s going on.
I stayed in the bathroom. We talked through the door. That’s when my husband said “ok, yes, we didn’t want you to find out like this, but we have been in a relationship since July.” He said some more things but I honestly can’t remeber them because my ears were kind of ringing? And I kept thing about him saying relationship. This wasn’t a fling or a one night stand. I could maybe forgive that but a real relationship? Isn’t marriage supposed to me mean just and I are in a relationship? So he says whatever and then my best friend says “so what do you think?” I missed everything he said obviously so I told her that and she said “so you missed the part about all three of us living together?” After me asking what? my husband clarified that she would stay on the couch but they’d keep each other company during the day and I could be with her too if I wanted (she knows I don’t want this because we would have made out more than that one time in 2009 right?) I know she needs to move out of her place because no job=no rent payment. I had told her in the past she could always crash at my place, but I never meant like this. How could she not know that? Is my best friend an idiot? Am I an idiot?
I need advice. Yes, tell me that I’m the idiot I am for trusting them and having bad judgement and not doing my “wifely duties”. I own all those things. I just need help figuring out my next steps. I don’t want to be in a throuple and I don’t even want to look at either of them. It’s 3:30am and I can’t sleep and don’t know what to do. I feel like I’ve been used. I don’t know even if I leave if I’d still have to pay for my husband’s expenses because he’s not working? Which would mean I’m paying for them to have a relationship, which idiot me has been doing since July and I really hate my life right now.
TL:DR All work and no play makes THROWRA\_justfml a fucked over wife and friend.
First and foremost, I want to thank the thousands of people who reached out to me in comments on my original post, in PMs and in chat requests. I’ve been super overwhelmed in a good way by how many people actually care. Some of you extended sympathy, some shared similar stories from your own lives, some offered me jobs and some offered me distractions and even pizza. PIZZA! I didn’t accept but thank you for the offer! I think I received over 10,000 messages in total, plus the awards. I am so sorry that I didn’t thank you individually for the awards. I was raised better than that, but between work, sorting out my personal life (we will get to that) and just the total number of people I’d need to reply to… I just couldn’t. Also I received exactly 9 shitty messages out of over 10,000. Just 9. And 7 of them were basically encouragement to do the throuple things. Only 2 out of over 10,000 people actually wrote something really offensive and what they wrote wasn’t even *that* bad plus one of them apologized and said he was just trolling. I’m saying this because I think it’s important especially now with all the anger in the world to know that people can come together and show support and be kind. 1 in 10,000 people was an asshole meaning 9,999 in 10,000 people are actually decent human beings. I keep watching the news and see such a lack of kindness but I know from my experience this past month that people from all over the world and with different lives and political views can show compassion and empathy and I wish I could share that wonderful feeling of receiving kindness with everyone.
I figured I’d answer the major questions I received and if I leave out one of your burning questions then I’ll answer that too. I even learned some fancy reddit formatting so that things are easier to read and not one giant wall of text.
**Did you expect to get reddit famous?/RIP your inbox amirite?**
Okay, so I never expected my post to get as much attention as it did. In addition to being on the front page of reddit, it made its way to podcasts, YouTube, Instagram and Twitter and I even got a couple of requests from paying publications to tell my story. I am so glad that I used an alt haha. I have at least been able to put the post on the back burner while I try to sort out my life. In real life I’m a quiet person and hate attention so I’m thankful that I was able to keep things anonymous. Well, mostly anonymous. A couple redditors messaged me and figured out who I am and of course my husband figured out I posted. **Important:** if anyone comes forward and says that this was their post that person is lying! I will never reveal my identity! Even the offers of being paid to come forward didn’t and will never change my mind. People who know me in real life have kept it off their social media too which I appreciate a lot. I’m a private person and want to stay as anonymous as possible.
**Are you getting divorced?**
**YES** a thousand times yesyesyesyes. He cheated on me and tried to manipulate me. And I did not sign up to be married to more than one person. I don’t want that for myself. People in the poly lifestyle very kindly messaged me and told me that what my husband and best friend did was NOT how it’s done in the poly community. Poly is done out of love and trust and communication. None of those 3 things happened here. So yes to divorce!
**Did you meet with a lawyer?**
Yes. And I’m really glad that I did and learned a lot. It turns out that the way divorce works where I’m from is it’s a process that you have to follow and can take about a year to finish if its uncontested, longer if the spouse objects. Right now after some paperwork (there’s a lot of paperwork) I’m separated which actually happened really quickly. It turns out being working poor helped a lot with this haha. Having no assets to split up made things much easier. And since before Covid my husband and I basically made the same amount of money and don’t have kids or pets it’s even easier. But my actual divorce is going to take a long time and lots more paperwork. My husband is not contesting the divorce.
**Did you get your husband admitting to cheating on text or voice?**
My lawyer said it doesn’t matter. I live where it’s “no fault” divorce which means cheating makes no difference at all in how things play out. Everything just gets split down the middle whether or not your husband is a piece of shit who cheats on you with your best friend and whether or not you write on reddit that your piece of shit ex did that as long as it’s true. Not that I’m bitter (ok I might be bitter but my therapist says it’s good to express my anger).
**Are you expecting to get everything in the divorce?**
No. The law is the law plus there’s nothing to get except some family keepsakes which I took with me. It was my mom’s jewelry I got after she died this year. It wasn’t worth much but my lawyer says there’s an inheritance provision or something under the law. Otherwise we just add up the value of everything right down to our socks and split it 50/50. In marriages where one spouse makes a lot more money than the other things like alimony and support come up as well as child support if there are kids. So my situation is thankfully simple.We don’t have much anyways so basically we are leaving each other even but with some emotional baggage haha.
**Why don’t you get a better job?**
$12/hr where I live is better than minimum wage believe it or not. I will have news I think about the job thing. One thing I learned from some of the messages from random redditors is managers want to hire hard working people. I have the confidence to apply to other jobs now, but I’m not accepting any offers from redditors because of that privacy thing.
**What’s the deal with your boss?**
I thought my boss was a terrible human being. It turns out he is a decent human being and he helped me through this which I put in my edit in my original post. He has also agreed to be a reference for me for the new job thing but is trying to get me to stay on because I work hard.
**Do you talk to your best friend anymore?**
Haha no way. Not since that night and not ever. I blocked her and refuse to talk to her. She showed up at my place and I ignored her apology. I have no time for her bullshit or backstabbing. She lost our friend group too. Once they found out I got so many stories from them of her backstabbing them over the years. This was all news to me but let’s just say we each had stories that show her to be untrustworthy. I still think about her and wish things could be different but she broke my trust in a way that can never be fixed. She and my husband still talk and are in a relationship. They have each other just like they wanted?
**Did you kick your husband out?**
No. I moved back home with my dad about a week or so after my first post. My mom died earlier this year and he’s been hurting from that. It just made sense. It’s nice to be home. My mom was really a perfect human. She was the kind of mom everyone wants and she died suddenly this year from a brain aneurysm. She is the person I would have wanted to help me through this. My dad isn’t my mom but I’m learning that he was kind of the silent partner who 100% was the same as her in terms of being supportive. So while I never expected to be living in my childhood bedroom at 30 its actually kind of exactly the perfect place or me to be. Plus my dad makes great baked chicken and always has ice cream in the freezer. For the moving out part my friends came over and my dad did too and we all moved my stuff out at once. A lot of redditors reached out about the unspoken dangers of ending a relationship and the ex getting violent when they feel they are being abandoned. My husband is a shitty human for a bunch of reasons but he never got physically violent with me but I decided that being safe was important so I called in favors from my friends. It went fine and my husband ended up leaving during the move to make things easier on everyone.
**Why did you call yourself an idiot and make things your fault?**
Because I’m stupid? Haha. I think it’s just what I always do. I own up to things even when they aren’t my fault. Which leads nicely to the next question...
**Are you in therapy?**
Yes. A lot of you reached out and suggested it. Since this is anonymous I will be super honest here.Between losing my marriage and best friend and mom and working insane hours I had a breakdown. There’s no other way to put it. I was in crisis and probably still am? I’m still not eating great and and still making a lot of mistakes in how I talk to myself and call myself an idiot and stupid. I get nightmares about my mom that wake me up and then I can’t get back to sleep. I cry for no reason. Sometimes I cry until I throw up. My sleep has been awful when I do sleep. Sometimes I feel really angry and don’t even know what to do with that because it’s just. so. much. anger. Sometimes I forget my mom is dead and try to ask her a question and that turns me into a puddle when I remember I can’t. Sometimes I’m about to text my best friend and get really angry that I can’t becuase she’s not even my friend at all. I miss sleeping beside my husband and having that feeling of warmth in the bed. There aren’t any good days yet. And I seem to always have a headache. Life is just kind of hard these days and I can’t fix how I feel no matter how much I try. I found out that therapy with the insurance through work is paid for up until a certain amount. My therapist says after the work benefits run out will still help me by reducing her rates if I want. It is nice being able to talk to someone who can see the big picture and explain the brain science of why I’m a crying mess and why I feel so awful. I honestly don’t know if I’m going to get better or if therapy will be some kind of magical fix but I’m trying it. I don’t leave a session feeling like anything has been fixed but I do leave feeling that I’m normal to be feeling all of these things which really does help in a weird way. It’s only been 3 sessions but I have “homework” now which my therapist says will help me learn new patterns. It might be bullshit and it feels weird to try it but it’s a step I guess? I really don’t know.
**Will you trust and date anyone again?**
Eventually. Definitely not now. My husband is the only guy I ever dated. He’s all I know. I actually never wanted anyone else but him and now that I don’t want him I don’t want anyone. I’m sure that in time I’ll be ready and when I am I will take things slow.
Thank you for coming to my TED talk haha. I wish I had an update where I lived happily ever after. Real life is so hard and so… real. But if you’ve read this far thank you and thank you again for your amazing support and kindness from my first post.
Edited to add TL;DR: life is messy and there are no shortcuts. I am a mess but am getting divorced, unfriended the bestie, in therapy and am thankful for my dad. | cherry5462 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jmioo7/op_get_asked_to_join_throuple_by_husband_and_best/ | jmioo7 | 16,574 | 493 | [
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2020-11-03T19:08:45 | "Bullied by coworkers. They knock off my cap from my head a dozen times a day (among other things)." | LegalAdvice | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/igxl19/bullied_by_coworkers_they_knock_off_my_cap_from/) by u/20200826_throwaway*
 
I have two co-workers that harass me and bully me at work every day. They insult me and call me names and make unfunny "pranks". In our work uniform we have a cap, what they do is they knock off my cap with the back of their hand so I have to pick it up on the ground (where it gets dirty).
They do this like a dozen times a day. Looks innocent enough but it's aggressive behavior and it's making me miserable. My manager says it's schoolyard drama and won't do anything. I just don't know how to make them stop. Could knocking off my cap be considered assault?
 
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/imf94g/update_bullied_by_coworkers_who_knock_my_cap_off/)
Update because I used your advice and it helped. When I went back to work I talked to my boss about the bullying and them knocking off my cap and I said it's making me miserable but again he didn't care. So I said that what they are doing is harassment and because they make fun of my speech impediment it's discrimination and if he doesn't do anything he's responsible for it.
I saw he was pissed but still he talked to his boss. Then when he came back he yelled at me and the bullies for creating trouble and I thought we were going to be fired but that was it. But then the next day the owner came (that rarely happens) and he talked to my boss and then to me, he told me the bullying would stop and to tell him if it didn't.
At first the guys who were bullying me were moved to another part of the shop so they wouldn't be with me but the next day one of them was fired, not sure if it's over the bullying. Anyway it's good now thanks to you and I don't need to find a new job.
Edit: thank you very much for all the awards, that's very kind and I appreciate them but please don't spend your hard earned money on me, donate to your favorite charity instead! Thank you everyone again. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jnglnp/bullied_by_coworkers_they_knock_off_my_cap_from/ | jnglnp | 2,055 | 406 | [
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2020-11-04T16:46:03 | OP finds out her identical twin is selling nude photos and videos through Onlyfans and feels violated. After an argument, OP kicks her sister out of her home. | AITA | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fd08eh/aita_for_kicking_out_my_identical_twin_for/) is by /u/AITANakedTwin.*
Basically, what the title says.
To give some backstory, my sister (23F) and I (23F) were kicked out by our parents at the age of 18 and we have been living in an apartment together with a roommate ever since. My sister doesn’t have a steady job at the moment, so I have been handling her portion of the rent on the apartment.
A few weeks ago, she approached me and told me that she found a source of income and would likely be able to start paying for rent soon. I didn’t ask too many questions when she told me this because I was just happy that she finally found a job.
However, I was talking to our roommate two nights ago and found out that my sister started an onlyfans account and has been selling naked pictures/videos of herself.
Now, I am very sex positive and forward thinking. I have nothing against sex workers, but she is my IDENTICAL twin. We look exactly alike in almost every way. I personally do not feel comfortable sharing my body online to strangers. On top of that, I am trying to start a professional career for myself and I don’t want employers/coworkers to find this and think that it is me.
I confronted my sister when she got home later that night and told her that I will not be speaking to her until she deletes the account and that she would have to move out of the apartment. She was pretty mad about this and stormed out of the apartment and ended up sleeping at a mutual friends house for the last two nights.
I have talked to our roommate and some friends about this and they think that I overreacted. AITA here?
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jc39u7/update_aita_for_kicking_out_my_identical_twin_for/)
Hey yall, so a while back I made a post about how my twin sister started an onlyfans and I was considering kicking her out of our apartment (This is the TL;DR, read the original post for more information). In that post it was determined that I was the asshole.
A LOT has happened since then, so I decided to make an update.
After reading your comments, I decided that I probably took it to far and although I was embarassed and felt violated, at the end of the day, it is her body and not mine. Just because we look the same does not mean I get to have a say, nor should it affect our relationship.
So, I called her and told her I wanted to talk and we had a really long emotional discussion and I obviously decided to not kick her out as long as she was able to cover her rent going forward.
Then, Covid happened. And as of June, I no longer have a job. I was one of the newest people at the company I was working for and so I was one of the first to go.
And in a turn of events, my sister who has been killing it on onlyfans, is now covering for my portion of the rent until I am able to get back on my feet.
So, thank you for your advice. I might have ruined my relationship with my sister and maybe even be homeless without it. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jo01w6/op_finds_out_her_identical_twin_is_selling_nude/ | jo01w6 | 3,081 | 378 | [
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2020-11-05T17:15:55 | Don't leave your pot cookies on the table | AITA | OP: [bakkedgoodz](https://old.reddit.com/user/bakkedgoodz)
this is an ongoing situation, and am currently writing this as my niece is having a full-on meltdown. so I apologize for any mistakes.
today was my day off and i decided to whip up a batch of pot cookies (cookies that have weed extract in them) so i can snack on them for the weekend. after they finish baking i left them out on a cooling tray so they can set. just as i finished cleaning up the kitchen i hear the door bell and went to answer, and surprise surprise it's my sister with 8yo niece and husband. it's been awhile since I've last seen them to it was a happy surprise. i let them in, and the smell of cookies still in the air, and niece goes bolting towards the kitchen.
i instantly go chasing her and as i round the corner into the kitchen, niece had just grabbed a cookie and was about to eat it, quick on my feet i swooped in and grabbed the cookie out of her hand saying that these were adult cookies. which caused niece to start freaking out. my sister followed in and i explained to her that these cookies had pot in them and assured her i was able to take the cookie away from niece before she had ate any.
she instantly blows up at me saying i shouldn't have pot cookies out when there are kids in the house, i explained how i had just finished baking them and they were setting, and the fact that i didn't expect ANY children to be around (i am a single man, no kids), she asked if i had any thing that wasn't "laced" and unfortunately i didn't, by this point niece has locked herself in the bathroom and is crying.
and my sister gave me a big ol' lecture about having drugs in reach of kids, while i stand on the premise of, there wouldn't be an issue *if i had even known they were planning on dropping by today.* she called me a huge irresponsible asshole, and i responded "well maybe if you taught your daughter to not just grab shit, we wouldn't be in this mess!"
she left to try to get niece out of the bathroom and i'm sat here typing this, am i really the asshole here? like i can understand not having drugs out in the open with kids around, and i never would - *if i had known there were going to be kids around.*
also, before i get any flak, i'm in Canada and weeds legal here.
link to the original post: [https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hc7wd7/aita\_for\_having\_pot\_cookies\_out\_in\_the\_open\_in\_my/](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hc7wd7/aita_for_having_pot_cookies_out_in_the_open_in_my/)
first i would like to apologize for my non-responses, i got pretty high after my sister left, and i completely forgot about the post.
its been a few months and i logged onto this account accidentally and noticed a few messages asking for an update about this. so i thought i would oblige since the post blew up, like whoa, thank you all for reading, and a special thanks to the people who gave me awards!
for awhile after the post, my sister was on a tirade trying to get everyone to agree with her, but thankfully most people were on my side even my staunchly catholic parents said she should have given me a warning before just dropping by, saying she knew i was a pot head and it was rude of her. which was surprising since my parent are not okay with me being a pot head.
i linked her to the original post, and about a few days later she apologized and realised she was in the wrong and said she was sorry for freaking out, but still maintains marijuana shouldn't be in reach of kids, but has admitted that she should have given me a heads up. we had since mended our relationship and she actually now texts me when she wants to visit, so that's a win.
i had also apologized to my niece promising "kid" treats to be kept at my house for any chance of her visiting again (and i have a bunch of normal cookies and what not just in my cupboard - of course not revealing why the cookies were "adult" cookies, even though she really wanted to know what made them "adult" cookies. turned out she was freaking out because i yelled at her (the first time i raised my voice towards her) which makes sense why she freaked out so much - and we're back to having a friendly relationship too, which is nice.
sorry that its not that exciting of an update, but just thought i'd post it. hope that this is alright mods, you can remove if you so wish. will send the above to the people who asked. | cherry5462 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jomoxd/dont_leave_your_pot_cookies_on_the_table/ | jomoxd | 4,421 | 258 | [
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2020-11-06T19:09:33 | "Is it appropriate to tell my date where I’m taking her?" | r/askwomenadvice | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/askwomenadvice/comments/jgrowk/is_it_appropriate_to_tell_my_date_where_im_taking/) by u/shoemakept*
 
So I [31M] am taking this lady [25F] on our first date and I’m wondering if it’s appropriate for me to send her a link to where we’re going so she can look at the menu, pick her outfits and just for her safety she can tell people where she’s going to be (every woman should feel super safe on these things).
I’m hoping it doesn’t come across as being braggadocios by showing her because honestly it’s a really nice place. I’d also feel terrible if she felt out of place showing up in jeans and a tee when I show up in a suit.
 
**UPDATE 1/2:** - I cannot thank each of you enough for your responses. Y’all have helped me more than you may realize. - I reached out to some of our mutual friends to see if they would think she would like the place and if it would be too much (I took to heart the questions about it being an upscale restaurant). Come to find out this is something she would really appreciate.
After I ended up validating the appropriateness of the restaurant I sent her the link with a message “I’ve read this was a really great place, what do you think?” Within 5 minutes I got a very positive response saying she has a dress she’s been dying to wear that would be perfect for this. She then brought up the cocktails lol - I offered to get her Uber to and from. Reason being if she decided to drink I didn’t want her to risk anything, she understood and said she really appreciates the consideration. And that she really hopes that I come over afterwards because she’s making my favorite cake before we go out telling me she’s impressed because I’m “so cute and being such a gentleman” about this.
The date is tomorrow so I’ll be sure to update the curious ones who have asked me to keep y’all informed. You are amazing people!
 
**UPDATE 2/2:**
The date went phenomenal!!!
* thankfully I planned my Uber to arrive a little earlier than hers so I was able to catch the door for her when she got there. And granted I’ve hung out with her in our friend group before and found her beautiful, last night she was breathtaking.
* Our waitress asked how long we have been together. We shocked her when I said we were on our first date, apparently we come across as a couple that’s been together for a bit.
* the entire evening was a blast. She absolutely kicked my ass at air hockey but I came back strong with Mortal Combat lol. Really though the whole time we were playing games we discovered a lot that we have in common for aspirations and life goals.
* She was very curious about my past relationship and why I took a year off dating. I didn’t expect to have that conversation on our first date but she made it clear that the time I took for self care to make sure I didn’t bring my baggage to her was “rare”. For almost a year she’s had a thing for me but thought I just wasn’t into girls like her. We’re polar opposites in my physical ways, I’ve got stretched ears, covered in tattoos, darker skinned, more “edgy” (as she phrased it) and athletic. She’s very clean cut, blonde hair, blue eyed girl next door into yoga and pumpkins.
* We did karaoke. That was a surprise that she planned for our date on a suggestion from one of our friends. I don’t look the part but I can sing country pretty well and that’s one of her favorite genres come to find out and I think it won me some extra points lol.
* At the end of our night we did go back to her place, watched a few movies and ate one of the most delicious cakes I ever had. She wasn’t exaggerating when she said she could make some good German chocolate cake! I did stay the night at her request, I tried a couple of times to leave, trying to blame my dog. She was very clear that she wanted me to stay the night. I did let her know that I was not trying to or planning on having sex because I’d like for us to do this a few more times before we make that leap. She let me know she 100% did intend on it but found my resistance very attractive. I’ve never had to try so hard to not have sex. Wtf. But I know it’ll be worth the wait.
* the actions I took to plan the date really seemed to impress her. She kept doting on me opening doors, giving her my coat, offering the ubers and just actually planning instead of completely winging it and being indecisive. As she said many guys in the area and where’s she’s from aren’t well versed in what I consider basic manners. To her I was a gentleman, to me I’m just doing what I was raised to do...I’m so happy this is second nature to me so it’s not a one off thing to impress her. In all seriousness I assumed my actions are common practice so I didn’t and still don’t get why it’s a big deal or not done more often. So, FELLAS: Open her doors, offer to hold her purse, have her walk on the inside of the sidewalk, have her walk in first but get right by her side (don’t linger behind or take off in front, unless you’re opening a door) this may win you extra points, not enough of us do this.
* being the way I am I couldn’t help but ask if it was all too much. The venue, ubers (someone said this was creepy and overprotective), the manners and the over all experience had me wondering if I made the right choices. According to her it was “refreshing, genuine and perfect”.
* we met up with our friends this morning for breakfast and she bragged to them about the whole evening, keeping her hand on my knee, smiling a lot and kissed me a few times on the cheek in front of them.
I really cannot thank all of you enough for the encouragement, kindness and compassion in helping me understand how to go about this. I couldn’t have predicted this post would gain nearly this much traction or attention. It means so much to me that so many strangers invested themselves in two people going on a date.
Yesterday it got me a bit emotional just reading how much people are pulling for our success. I’ll never be able to repay the amount of kindness shown to me or explain exactly how thankful I am but if I could give you all a hug I sure as fuck would. Our friends were encouraging but having so many strangers be so willing to offer their input reminds me how great people really are.
We have a second real date this weekend but have a blanket fort movie night planned for later this week. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jpb9bf/is_it_appropriate_to_tell_my_date_where_im_taking/ | jpb9bf | 6,408 | 453 | [
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2020-11-07T21:53:26 | "Expecting dad here. After my wife and I babysat her niece I’ve realized that I’m not prepared AT ALL. How do I tell my wife just how terrified I am?" | Relationship_Advice | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ig15in/expecting_dad_here_after_my_wife_and_i_babysat/) by u/ThrowRAexpectingdad*
 
I’m 26, my wife is 24, and we’ve been together for almost 10 years. Now we are expecting our first baby who’s due in February! I’ll try to keep this as brief as I can haha.
So my wife grew up in a really big family (six children) and has been surrounded by babies and children all of her life. Me on the other hand, I have just one brother (who’s only two years younger), and I don’t know, I guess I just didn’t know a lot of babies growing up? Haha. It's very obvious her experience level compared to mine.
Anyway, a week or so ago we were babysitting her two year old niece for the night (she’s super involved in the lives of her nieces and nephews). Her niece is two years old. At some point, I went to change her diaper, and it just shocked me how difficult it was. She was pooping WHILE I was trying to change it, I couldn’t even get the diaper on the right way, I don’t know, it was just a mess. And then my wife came to help me and she immediately was like ahhh what are you doing?! I guess I didn’t wipe her properly, or wipe her enough, and my wife was going on about how she could get infections, something that didn’t even cross my mind. I just felt so stupid and like I could do nothing right.
After that, my wife started to laugh, and was like “just wait and see if we have a son and he pees on you while you’re changing him, or when our baby pukes all over you”. It just hit me like a wall of bricks at that moment. Like, I am not ready. I’m not the father my baby deserves or the father my wife deserves. I know absolutely nothing about taking care of a baby, or more importantly, raising a whole human being.
I normally tell my wife literally everything but I’ve been keeping this from her. I don’t want her to start doubting my abilities from the get go. I feel like I’m already starting to get that guilt of being in the shadow of a supermom, if that makes sense. How have other dads coped with this feeling? How did you tell your wife/girlfriend without feeling like such a huge disappointment?
TL;DR: after a few failed attempts while babysitting my wife’s two y/o niece, I’ve realized that I’m nowhere near ready to be a dad to our baby. Scared to tell my wife about how I feel because I don’t want her to feel like I’m a disappointment.
 
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ihu90o/update_expecting_dad_here_after_my_wife_and_i/)
I just wanted to sincerely thank everyone who commented on my last post. I really, really needed the advice. I apologize that I wasn’t able to respond to any of the comments, it was a bit overwhelming on my end haha. But I did read them.
I took the unanimous advice and spoke to my wife about how I’ve been feeling. It went really well! I figured it would, considering the type of relationship we have; I was more so anxious that I would make her feel scared about my abilities as a dad. But she reassured me that never for one second did I have her worried. To paraphrase her, she said that despite all of her experience with other people’s babies and children, she’s never actually had to take care of a baby that was hers, so we are in the same boat.
Honestly it was such a relief to finally talk to her. I definitely feel lighter haha.
Anyway, if anybody would like to know, we have recently found out (literally yesterday) that we are expecting a boy! The both of us are just over the moon. We’re planning on naming him Sidney (Sid), a name we picked out years ago. My wife actually told me that she would like to give him my first name as his second one. I wasn’t expecting that at all. Currently trying to not let it go to my head, but honestly it just makes me feel really, really awesome (for the lack of a better word haha). So his full name will be Sidney Benjamin. I think that has a very nice ring to it. :-)
Thank you again to everyone who shared their experience as a first time parent (or second time, third time, fourth time, etc. haha). Blessings all around. And I will definitely look into pee teepees now haha.
TL;DR: happy ending! | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jpz6lm/expecting_dad_here_after_my_wife_and_i_babysat/ | jpz6lm | 4,230 | 272 | [
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2020-11-08T21:53:14 | "Sister was held against her will in a hotel room with her ex-boyfriend under threat of death for her and her baby daughter. Hotel wants her to pay for damages." TW: DV | LegalAdvice | *repost, original [post](https://old.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/il4roj/sister_was_held_against_her_will_in_a_hotel_room/) by u/HomelanderNeedsMilk*
 
My sister's ex-boyfriend was a fugitive from justice with a warrant for his arrest. He kept my sister and their daughter in his grasp by threatening to kill her and the baby if she left him. He beat her regularly while they were in the hotel room.
She eventually sent me cryptic messages asking for help, and I was able to get her out of there safely while he was sleeping off one of his drug-induced stupors. Given the situation, she only grabbed my niece and a few things in her rush to get out of there without waking him.
Police were alerted and they arrested him, but he attempted to break the window and escape during the arrest.
When we returned to the hotel to pick up my sister and niece's belongings, my elderly mother (70's) insisted on coming for support. My mother also needed to use the bathroom once we arrived to the hotel.
Because of the COVID precautions, they only wanted to allow my sister in and begrudgingly allowed my mother in because she needed to use the bathroom. I remained in the car.
My sister came back crying and said that they won't allow her to collect any of her stuff unless they are paid $700 out of pocket for the damage to the window sustained when he was attempting to flee from the police. This includes my sister and niece's clothing, ID and other personal documentation, birth certificate, medications, etc.
And then even worse, my mother forgot her wallet and cellphone in the bathroom, and the staff quickly confiscated those as well to use as leverage to force somebody to pay for the window damage.
 
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/ilen6w/update_california_sister_held_against_her_will_in/)
Found out my sister contacted the police about this last night and whoever spoke with her brushed the entire ordeal off as a "small claims court" matter which disheartened her and my mother.
Following the suggestions from the thread, today we spoke with the deputy who was the first contact with my sister about this entire situation and he escalated it to his superior. The deputies then went to the hotel to set the manager straight. They essentially told him that he can't keep the belongings as leverage and that he'd have to pursue damages properly in civil court.
The hotel staff were very nice and understanding, but the manager's entire demeanor was extremely hostile and unprofessional. Apparently he was very rude to the officers. I did not like the way he spoke to his staff.
But we got their stuff back without any major further hassles.
Thank you everyone for your suggestions. We are also pursuing additional resources/assistance/counseling for her as a domestic violence victim going forward. She is in contact with a case manager from the local women's shelter. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jqkg5v/sister_was_held_against_her_will_in_a_hotel_room/ | jqkg5v | 2,933 | 401 | [
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2020-11-09T21:36:05 | Should OP wear a Halloween costume that makes his friend's partner uncomfortable? | AITA | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j84dbs/wibta_if_i_wear_a_halloween_costume_that_makes_my/) by u/colossal_screwup*
 
Hey reddit peeps. I really need some help here.
My (21M) bf, "Alex" (23) absolutely love Halloween. Our whole friend group loves the holiday and we make a point to have a Halloween party every year. We're sad that we can't have our usual party this year but we're still planning on having a little Halloween party thing on zoom, so we still have an excuse to dress up and get drunk together.
Anyway, our friend Sasha has been dating a guy (let's call him David) for about a year now. We don't have many complaints about David, he's pleasant enough to us (excluding a couple of slightly homophobic comments which he apologised for after he found out Alex and I were a couple) and (most importantly) he makes Sasha happy.
However, when we were talking about costumes on call the other day, things got a little weird. Our friend group consists of five girls and three guys. We're all pretty big AHS fans and the girls all decided that they were going to go as the witches from Coven (their costumes are absolutely stunning). Alex and I are planning on dressing as Michael Langdon and Mr Gallant. Anyways, we asked David about his costume and he told us he'd actually planned for the three of us to go as Ross, Joey and Chandler from friends. Now I love me some Friends but Alex and I have already bought most of the pieces for our costumes and we don't really want to change it at this point. We told him as much and apologised. If he'd asked us earlier then we'd have most likely agreed to this.
He left the chat about ten minutes later but nothing really seemed off. Until he texted me later in the day. He told me that he was uncomfortable with us going as Michael and Gallant as they often get shipped together and are most likely "fairies". David told us he was uncomfortable with us flaunting our sexuality at every chance we got and that it was making him uncomfortable. We apparently ruined Harry Potter for him when we dressed up as Remus and Sirius last year. Anyway, David is still insistent on us changing our costume.
We've also been accused of trying to isolate him as he isn't too into AHS. He can dress up as literally anything he wants, there's no rules.
I really don't want to make anyone uncomfortable and I don't want David to feel like he's unwelcome but Alex and I were really excited about our costumes this year. I know this seems like a stupid thing to be worried about but we don't want to cause trouble for Sasha as she really likes David and we don't want her getting caught in the middle of some stupid argument over a goddamn Halloween costume. I'd feel awful if we were the reason that they started to have problems in their relationship.
WIBTA?
Edit -
Okay I did not expect this to get so many replies, thank you so much to everyone who commented and offered advice, I really appreciate it :)
Oh and just quickly, AHS stands for American Horror Story. My stupid ass thought I'd already written that, sorry.
I've seen a few people asking if Sasha knows about David's behaviour. She doesn't, well, didn't.
Not long after they started dating, David made a few comments about being against gay marriage and, knowing full well that Alex and I hope to get married some day, Sasha blew up at him. She was disgusted that he'd think like that and she almost left him after that incident. We felt awful for her as she really did like David and he kept making promises to her that it wouldn't happen again and apologised profusely. Sasha made David apologise to us and asked Alex and I if we would be okay speaking to him again and, believing it was a one off occurrence, we said sure. He made Sasha really happy after all and she'd never stay with him if we weren't comfortable being around him.
We kept the homophobic jokes to ourselves but told him that they were homophobic, to his credit he did apologise (though it was most likely not sincere). We told Sasha about this whole situation about an hour ago and sent her screenshots of the conversation. She was disgusted and we heard a good five minutes of their argument before Sasha apologised and told us she'd call us when she'd dealt with him. We've had a text from Sasha apologising for all this, but it's not her fault.
 
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jqziz5/update_wibta_if_i_wear_a_halloween_costume_that/)
I was gonna post this a few days ago but my professor decided to dump about a million projects on us at once so it had to wait a little bit.
Alex and I took the advice of you lovely people and talked to Sasha about David's behaviour. We even sent her some screenshots. She went absolutely apeshit at him. Long story short, she broke up with him. This is where the story should end, but David is apparently a bit of a petty asshole.
We did originally only plan to have a small zoom call party with a couple of friends but some mutual friends and people from some of our classes had asked if they could join (about 15 people all in). We were okay with this and decided to just have a larger zoom party with them for a little bit then leave and have a call with just our small, close knit friend group, people we don't mind getting completely trashed with. We informed everyone of this and everything was going great. Until it wasn't.
David is roommates with a mutual friend (Ryan) and is friends with a few people in our mutual friend group. So he decided he was going to join in with the festivities, knowingly making Sasha very uncomfortable. He made a few passing comments about how he left Sasha because she's a f*g hag and kept asking her if they could call in private. He got shut down pretty quickly (Ryan is not one for that kind of drama so he told David to get a grip). It made the whole thing pretty awkward to say the least. About an hour or so into this mess, Ryan shuts off his camera and mutes his mic (he and David were using the same computer) after yet another comment from David. When he turned the camera and mic back on, David was sulking beside him, just generally looking like a scolded child.
Alex and I decided to mess around with him. Yes it was petty. No we do not regret it.
We started dropping in some AHS lines whenever we could.
E.g.
"So, you like leather?"
"I like a lot of things."
Any sort of suggestive dialogue we could think of between Michael and Gallant (not a massive amount to work with but ya know). We could see David practically biting his tongue to not say anything. Eventually (after a whip comment from Alex) he left. Ryan just shook his head and laughed it off. Everyone else found it pretty amusing and myself and Alex were pretty pleased with ourselves. The rest of the night was a hell of a lot better.
David actually tried to contact Sasha a few days ago but Sasha's dad was pretty quick to intervene. He is a big guy, I wouldn't want to piss him off.
Long story short, David is out of all of our lives now and Sasha is looking a lot happier.
I know this probably isn't an update that anyone wants but I wanted to post it anyways. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jr6zi7/should_op_wear_a_halloween_costume_that_makes_his/ | jr6zi7 | 7,203 | 314 | [
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2020-11-10T17:43:29 | "Butcher won't sell me the fish I want" | r/TalesFromTheCustomer | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalesFromTheCustomer/comments/jew9q6/butcher_wont_sell_me_the_fish_i_want/) by u/IllustriousComplex6*
 
There's a local butcher chain near where I live that I use anytime I want to have a fancy meal. They have good meat at decent prices with most of it being locally produced. Good things all around (usually).
Well last week was my mothers birthday so I stopped by to picked her up some wild caught salmon to grill, it's her favorite. I was explaining this to the butcher helping me and he immediately told me, 'you don't want that fish, you want the farmed one, it's cheaper and easier for you to cook'.
I told him no I want the Wild Caught fish, it's the kind I always get and I don't like farmed fish (for a number of reasons but usually it's just not ad good as the wild stuff) Butcher again tells me I don't know what I'm talking about and the farmed stuff is better.
(In an effort to play nice) I tell him I think about it next time but that I want the wild caught this time and he again says I don't know what I'm talking about so he begins to pack up the farmed one (really easy to tell because it was barely pink!!!). I tell him I'm not paying for farmed fish and he yells 'either you get this kind or none!' So I told him none and started to walk out with the guy screaming at me to never come back. (Mind you it's a chain and I know he's not the owner...)
I guess I need a new butcher?
Edit: at this sub's and the original sub I posted in's urging I sent the business an email about my experience. No idea if they'll do anything or if they'll even follow up but I'll update if they do.
Edit 2: I live in Washington State in the US where butchers are allowed to sell both meat and seafood. The butcher in question's business is literally named ____ meat and seafood and they are designated as a butcher.
 
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalesFromTheCustomer/comments/jfguci/update_butcher_wont_sell_me_the_fish_i_want/)
I promised I would update if I heard back from the company who owns the butcher shop I dealt with last week and while I admit I didn't actually expect to have to post here we are!
Yesterday afternoon, at the urging of this and the other sub I cross posted in, I sent the company an email explaining what had happened last week at their store, but not asking for any actions to be taken.
This morning when I was checking my email I had a response from the owner of the company, asking if I could call them whenever I was able.
I called the owner a short while ago and they begun with apologizing to me for how I had been treated and then explained that the employee had already been reprimanded, will no longer have an outward facing role and are instead processing meat and on their final warning.
Last week when I was in the store there were a few customers milling around, the didn't say anything while I was getting yelled at so I really didn't pay them any mind. Apparently one of those customers was a close family friend of the owners and let the owner know what had happened!!! And because of that this employee had already been dealt with last week!
I've just been sitting around festering over this for nothing I guess lol. Either way the company has apologized and has made an effort to make things up to me, I genuinely appreciate it and will definitely be going back next time I'm in need of some good quality meat. (If you're one of the local people who were able to identify the company please support them, they're a good company that had a bad seed, don't hold this against them)
Thanks everyone for suggesting I notify them in the first place, also the many people teaching me about how European butchers work (namely England and the Netherlands from the comments), things I didn't know! | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jrpjd2/butcher_wont_sell_me_the_fish_i_want/ | jrpjd2 | 3,827 | 341 | [
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2020-11-11T19:26:52 | OP tries to track down a Desert Storm vet on Reddit to return his deployment pictures back to him after 25 years! [A Veteran's Day Update] | r/USMC | [deleted] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jsesmq/op_tries_to_track_down_a_desert_storm_vet_on/ | jsesmq | 9 | 1 | [
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2020-11-11T19:29:05 | OP tries to track down a Desert Storm vet on Reddit to return his deployment pictures back to him after 25 years! [A Veteran's Day Update] | r/USMC | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/USMC/comments/htrdw6/im_trying_to_track_down_a_desert_storm_vet_so_i/) by u/Im_the_creepy_girl*
 
Let me start by saying that I know this probably isn't the usual post seen here, but I have to at least try.
Back in 1994/95, my father in law found this photo album scattered across a bridge in Arlington, TX on Greenbelt in the Trinity river bottoms, between the Fort Worth water treatment plant and Bell Helicopter. He didn't know what to do with them, so he's had them for the last 25+ years. He recently expressed his desire to find the owner so we could mail them back, so we began combing through all the pictures to get as much information as possible.
We know they are Marines. We know this is Desert Storm. The pictures are all dated from early February-April 25, 1991. We know that in that short time, these men were in/passed through 29 Palms (CA), North Carolina, NYC, Rome (Italy), Iraq, and Kuwait.
I have several photos from the album in this gallery, as well as other facts and suspicions we came up with from the photos: https://imgur.com/a/4R7bIXV
[see original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/USMC/comments/htrdw6/im_trying_to_track_down_a_desert_storm_vet_so_i/) for more photos & captions]
The man that is front and center, turning toward the camera, is who I believe the owner is. He is in almost every single one of the photos, but I could be mistaken and he's just the best friend. Several of the other men also feature heavily throughout. I'm hoping that someone will recognize one of them as their dad, uncle, cousin, etc., and can get us in touch so I can mail these back.
It has been such an amazing experience to catch a glimpse into this stranger's past, but it's time these photos found their way back home. If you do recognize anyone, please reach out to me!
 
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/USMC/comments/hvxb2c/update_im_trying_to_track_down_a_desert_storm_vet/)
This is my current update to my post from a few days ago. I know the posts I put up in different subs weren't crazy big or anything, but a lot of people offered up a lot of great resources and advice, and I thought you guys would like to know what's been happening. The story is still unfolding, so there will be more to come, but for now...
WE FOUND HIM!!! Guys, I didn't think I would be updating you all so soon, but I am happy to tell you that early yesterday, a friend of his - another Marine veteran, who is also in the photos - saw a relative's post about it that was also going around to help the search, and he tagged the owner of the album, as well as another Marine that is in the photos. I was able to speak with both of them throughout the day after they reached out to me. They both still live right around my area!
The owner of the album was blown away. He didn't think he'd ever see these photos again, so he's so excited. Two of them, my father in law - who initially found the album and held onto it all these years - and my husband and I, will all be getting together (safely, I might add) TOMORROW so I can return the album, and they're going to answer any questions I have about some of the photos, tell me some stories behind some of the photos, and will be sharing other photos with me that they have that aren't in this album.
Words cannot express how honored I am to have been a part of this, and there will definitely be a follow up post afterward, so you all can see him reunited with his album! Thank you to everyone that sent information, to everyone that shared, and to everyone that was so interested and invested in this little project. I'm sorry for such a vague update for now, but I promise that I will fill you in after their reunion!
 
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/USMC/comments/hx6jns/final_update_im_trying_to_track_down_a_desert/)
Well, here is the update to the Marine photo album saga! I honestly don't even know how to begin here. If I could sum up the night into one phrase, I would only say "it was an extremely humbling experience," but even that doesn't fully articulate just HOW. MANY. EMOTIONS. were going through me all evening.
To introduce you to everyone, the album belongs to Mr. Joey (last name redacted). Just like in the photographs, his smile truly is bright and wide, and his laugh matches perfectly - head back, eyes closed. Then we were joined by Mr. Robert (also redacted), who was in several of the photos. He smiled through our entire dinner (hell, we all did) and always checked to make sure I understood any of the terms they were using as they were answering my questions.
We were also joined (to Joey and Robert's surprise) by Mr. Paul (I bet you can guess what goes here), who made the trip into DFW just for this dinner from Amarillo. He was cutting up all evening, in a way I'd only expect from service members, and it was brilliant and made my face darn near fall off, I was smiling and laughing so much. Paul surprised the others, and we sat inside at a local pizza chain and got to know one another.
After greeting one another, they embraced my family and me as if we'd all known each other for ages. My husband and I took our teenage son, and we were joined by his parents, my father in law, Charlie, being a veteran himself. Though I didn't have much to contribute to the conversation myself, these men treated my father in law like he was one of their own... and I guess in a way, he kind of is. I'm learning that about the military in all of this. It may not be perfect, but the camaraderie is definitely very real!
They told me about their time in the war. They talked about what it all looked like after the cease-fire, and the process it was actually getting home. I learned that, sometimes it's accidents and "young and dumb" mistakes, or lack of experience, that actually causes near death experiences on or off a battlefield, even after a cease-fire.
I learned that even the most hardcore, take-no-shit Marines can still miss their friend(s), no matter how much time has passed, and that they'd do just about anything to ensure the safety/happiness/*insert countless other positive descriptive words* of one of their own. There were times I could tell that emotions were running a little high - a photograph would catch someone off guard, someone's breath would catch, a tightness around the eyes - and we'd just move on to the next one.
I did get to ask about some of the pictures that I was always staring at (Like the one of them all around the table by the pool. A ton of people asked and took guesses, and they confirmed that it was Saudi Arabia)! Most of them weren't even of anything that would be considered "spectacular" by any standard - it's not like he was snapping pictures of major world wonders or tourist attractions. He took pictures of things he wanted to remember, and in all of his photos, he's smiling. Even if they hadn't bathed, or they'd just been in a tense situation. When I was telling them why I loved these so much, Joey looked up and said "We were told that some 80% of us might not make it back, so I took pictures of everything. We just went out there and had the time of our lives, because we thought that might've been it for us, you know," and I had no response for him. Just awe. And in almost the same breath, he told me a story about growing up and hearing about wars/seeing them on tv and in movies, and there's always the guy that gives out the candy to the local kids that end up following him. He said that was always a dream he had.
In the album, there is a picture of him with several kids, after finally being able to fulfill that dream (picture of him holding that album sheet is included). He wanted to use the small packs of Wrigley gum and give each kid a stick, but initially they each wanted a whole sleeve of candy lol. He finally managed to get it sorted out, and I thought it was incredibly sentimental that he still holds that memory 30 years later.
The S T O R I E S, guys. I felt like I was dissociating for a while. This didn't feel real sometimes. Sitting around this table, seeing the smiles, hearing the laughs, and knowing that I was a part of it, it was incredible. These are all very successful men now, with families and careers in different fields. I don't think I've finished processing everything just yet. I CRIED on my way home last night, from sensory overload I think, and I've been crying off and on this morning as well. I have so much more I want to say, but I really just don't have the words yet. It was magical. They felt like old friends. It's so surreal that it only took 3 days to find them, because they've been in my backyard the entire time. My son sat and listened, and he enjoyed himself. We went to dinner at 7:30. They closed at 10 so we moved to their tables out front, and we sat there until well after midnight, continuing our discussion and banter.
Overall, this was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I've been cooped up, socially distancing, since March, and the chairs and being in jeans was a little rough since I have some staples in my back currently, but I have to say that the experience was absolutely worth it. I didn't mind getting together with them to snap some pictures, though I'm sure that people will have a lot to say about it. I don't mind. Some experiences are bigger than us. I told these gentlemen that I would like to stay in touch with them, and they agreed, so we are going to do just that.
In the end, Joey got his photo album back after 25 years and got to have another little hang out with Paul and Robert, the 3 of them got to tell us some war - and other - stories, my father in law got to shoot the breeze with fellow veterans and show us his plethora of military knowledge, my husband had a supporting role, sitting there letting me be excited and was so happy for me, my mother in law and son both watched and listened, and just took in the whole experience, and it was an amazing time. Thank you to everyone that took the time to share (and to read this update that I'm SURE is all over the place right now lol).
Thank you to everyone that posted in all of the Military and Veteran groups. And thank you Joey, Robert, and Paul. It was such an honor to meet you guys.
https://imgur.com/gallery/nidLhy4 | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jseu6l/op_tries_to_track_down_a_desert_storm_vet_on/ | jseu6l | 10,355 | 294 | [
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2020-11-12T19:00:13 | My (F20) boyfriend (M22) of 3 years got a FaceTime last night from a group of his drunken girl friends asking him to show them his “fat dick” | Relationship_Advice | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/inmmdt/my_f20_boyfriend_m22_of_3_years_got_a_facetime/) by u/throwRA76767676*
 
So my boyfriend Nick and I have been together for 3 years. He’s a super nice, caring guy and I’ve never had any serious doubts about things until last night. As the title says, last night (while he was with me at my place) he got a FaceTime call from his friend M. M has known him a lot longer than I have (they grew up together) so I have always respected their friendship. I’ve also met M many times and she was always super nice to me and super fun and we follow each other on social media. I’ve never had any reason to dislike her (or disapprove of their friendship) so in all honesty her FaceTiming my Bf somewhat late at night didn’t raise any immediate alarm bells. However, before he answered he warned me that M was on a beach trip with a few other girl friends. There were 3 other girls, 4 total including M.
Without trying to get too carried away I’d like to add some context: obviously my bf, Nick, is 2 years older than me. M (and her 3 other friends) are all closer to nicks age- 22/23, where I am yet to be 21. Including that info to also express the fact that M and these 3 other girls and my bf all went to school together- all in the same grade through high school and maybe middle school as well. Point being- they’ve known my bf for quite some time.
They’ve also known he has been dating me for three years as these 3 other girls also follow me on social media like M. I’ve met these other girls a handful of times, but he’s not as close to them as he is with M. I guess the best way to summarize is they’re M’s friends but because they all went to school together (and are the same age) they’re all fairly good friends.
Anyways- he tells me M is FaceTiming him. He tells me she’s with these 3 other friends and they’re at the beach. I told him he should answer then- they’re probably having a good time and just want to tell him about it.
He answers. M and her 3 friends all immediately start screaming my bfs name. They then begin to scream his name, followed by “SHOW US YOUR FAT DICKKKKKKK” they were clearly hammered, but I was mortified. What. The. Fuck. My boyfriend seemed pretty shocked too, told them he was with me, and asked what the fuck that was about. The girls all had a mix of explanations- they’re drunk, they “meant to call someone else”, it “was an accident” (?)
I think I’m really struggling with this because I’m just so shocked and confused. I feel as though I can’t blame my boyfriend because clearly this was not his fault, but at the same time I do not understand why these girls (these WOMEN actually- we’re all fucking adults) would think that was an appropriate thing to say to someone who has been in a committed relationship for y e a r s? It just doesn’t make sense. I feel like I’m also struggling with this because it makes me wonder if my boyfriend has created an atmosphere where these women think acting this way towards him is okay. I feel like he would never do something like that, but I’m just at such a loss.
Why would these women think that was okay, and why did they ONLY stop when Nick told them he was with me? Also for what it’s worth I’m obviously upset with these women too. We didn’t hang out often but I’m upset that the few times we did, they were always nice to me and then they did something so vulgar and inappropriate. I just don’t understand. I’m also upset at the fact that they did not produce a single valid explanation. Clearly they did not mean to call someone else. They gleefully screamed my boyfriends name half a dozen times as soon as he answered. And HOW was that an accident?!
This whole incident happened around 11 last night and I fell asleep fairly shortly after. When me and Nick woke up this morning we talked about it briefly and then he left for work. M texted him and said something along the lines of “Nick you’re being weird- we were just really drunk. Tell OP we’re sorry”
They were hammered. That was obvious. I still just don’t understand why they did it. I’ve been inebriated and never have I FaceTimed someone’s boyfriend of several years and asked them to show me their penis. It just doesn’t add up. Nor does it really add up that M said Nick was “being weird”. How was he acting odd? I think “WTF?!” was a pretty standard response to that sort of thing- unless they’re used to him acting a different way??! I just do not understand.
The only person I’ve talked to about this was my best friend. She knows Nick well (only through me though so maybe there is some bias) and thinks that these women were probably just wasted. She said she agrees that while she and I would never do something like that under the influence, some women will. I suppose she could be right but again I have a hard time making peace with that simply because I would NEVER do that and these women are all 2-3 years older than me. I suppose I just can’t understand why older women would have such a lower level of maturity.
I’m sorry for the long post/rant, but I’m pretty upset and confused. I would love to just be able to shake this off, but it really shocked me to my core. I just keep hearing all 4 of their voices and the choirs of “show us your fat dick” and I can’t get over it. What the fuck was that?
So yeah. Any advice or other perspective is appreciated. I’m just at a total loss of explanation right now.
 
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/iqr1l2/update_my_f20_boyfriend_m22_got_a_drunken/)
Before I get too carried away I would like to thank everyone who weighed in on this. I didn’t expect it to get much traction and I really appreciate the amount of you who commented offering your own insight. A lot of the comments made me laugh too- so thank you for that.
I honestly don’t have a crazy update that a lot of you seemed to be expecting. I talked to Nick, I explained to him exactly why this whole situation made me so uncomfortable (ty for all the kind redditors who simply suggested doing that). I also expressed to him that their lack of an explanation made me all the more uncomfortable. He said he understood exactly where I was coming from and we seemed to get a better understanding of each other after the talk.
He told me that M had apologized more throughout the next day- she had said that her and her friends were beyond smashed and they thought it would be a funny thing to do to FaceTime all their guy friends and ask to see, well you know. (So to those of you in the comments who suggested Nick was not the only one who got this call- you are correct!) She also went on to explain that because they were so wasted, they didn’t realize how awkward it was until nick said “M- op is RIGHT here”.
Additionally, their mix of “it was an accident” and “we meant to call someone else” explanations sort of make sense now- when you consider just how drunk they were and the fact that they were in fact calling several other dudes tha night. M also offered to call me directly and further apologize. (All the contact her and my bf had throughout this conversation was him texting her and he showed me afterwards). I didn’t really think that was necessary. I did not want to draw this situation out more than it already had gone on, I feel as though she’s sorry enough, and she does not have my number anyways (for those who are probably going to say she should’ve called anyways).
At this point I kinda just wanted to be over the whole mess. I did however ask my bf if he and M (or any of her friends) had any sort of relations prior to meeting me. He said no and I believe him. (Full disclaimer- I never thought I would be posting this on Reddit- but I met my bf when he was 19 and he was not very experienced with women. Not even in the kissing dept. So yeah- I fully believe him- he was even a bit insecure about his inexperience when we met).
The rest of the girls (Ms friends) never apologized other than M texting saying something to the effect of “we’re sorry”. Because I don’t know them that well, and because they probably just feel super uncomfortable about all of this, I’m not going to ask for an apology. I will however think of them slightly differently, and probably prefer my bf not go to any parties/social functions they might be at. No hard feelings, it’s just the whole incident paired with them not really holding themselves accountable (unlike m) kinda rubs me the wrong way. I will say that because they did not make the call, they probably hold themselves to be less guilty than m(which is fair), but I can’t help but feel like if I were in the situation I would still reach out to apologize for the boundaries crossed. Oh well.
For those of you who kindly suggested Nick may be cheating with M- I highly doubt it. I have been cheated on once before (perhaps I should’ve included that in the original post, as it might’ve added more context to why this made me so upset). Anyways- I’ve been cheated on before and I do not see any of ‘the signs’ in Nick. I also think he would have to be pretty skilled if he were doing this- as M has been living in college for the past few years (hours away from us) and Nick and I have been together almost 24/7 the past few months because Covid is still so bad in our country. And above all else- I trust Nick. I do not think he would do this.
And finally- to answer the question everyone has been dying to know- yes. my boyfriend is particularly well endowed (I don’t know that I’d call it a ‘soup can’ as someone kindly suggested in the comments on my other post) but yeah. it’s fat. So their request to see his ‘fat d*ck’ made me all the more uncomfortable. When I finally worked up the nerve to explain this to my bf he laughed, and then immediately started blushing. Gotta love that guy. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jt0pqc/my_f20_boyfriend_m22_of_3_years_got_a_facetime/ | jt0pqc | 9,896 | 322 | [
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2020-11-13T18:13:00 | "My Mom's been acting weird for the past 5 months it scares me." | r/relationships | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/jh3csq/my_moms59f_been_acting_weird_for_the_past_5/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)*
 
I (18F) think my mom(F59) has been acting really strange the last 5 months. I’m going to have to give backstory, so sit tight.
When I was 13, I developed a strange eye condition followed by another slew of medical problems, and as a result needed constant help with getting school work done, to emotional support, to being driving to doctors appointments. It was rare I ever went more than one week without seeing one type of doctor, whether if be for physical therapy, to new specialist trying to figure out what my condition was, to actually therapy help deal with onset depression. Miraculously, after years of therapy and finding a doctor to properly treat me, most of my terrible symptoms finally cleared up. My last year of high-school was set to be easier and my family’s life was finally getting back to normal.
Then my father got into an accident in August 2019 and was hospitalized for a few weeks. Every day my mother went to the hospital to be with my father(M60). He went though a few complications while he was there which extended his stay, but finally he came home after what about a month. After a rough say at home, and my mother continuously driving him two and from doctors appointments, things seemed normal again. Still I can imagine it must’ve been hard on her, she still had to take me doctors around once a month on top of all my father’s appointments.
Them winter came. It was around Christmas 2019, and my parents sat me down and told me my father had cancer. They caught it early, so it wasn’t a big deal, but he had to have surgery to have it removed. He was in the hospital for another week. And then came home again. Time at home was tough. My dad has had trouble walking since August and surgery set him back further. My mom played nurse most of the time while I was off at school. It was tough but everyone persevered.
Then in April 2020, I woke up one morning after hearing a bang. My dad had a dizzy spell and had fallen down the stairs. I don’t think I’ll ever forget what saw and I still have nightmares about it. My mom was panicked and I had to call the emergency line, but I gave her the phone since she new more about the medical situation I did. While she was on the phone, I told her what answers to the give the dispatcher when she couldn’t answer them herself. I would have kept the phone myself, but I didn’t know the ins and outs of all my father’s meds and didn’t want to give incorrect information.
He suffered a concussion, needed another surgery and twisted his already messed up leg. After a few months of recovery at home he’s walking again, and just last month he’s started walking down the stairs by himself, something he couldn’t do for a while (understandably.) He’s handling having three surgery in one year as well as anyone can, and is doing better now.
Now here’s where my mom comes in. She always worried now, and had developed some strange habits. During April she started going for walks late at night, like 11pm or midnight. She started going grocery shopping at our local 24 hour drug store at 11, 1 or even 2 in the morning. I’ve noticed when she was driving late at night, her car would swerve just the slightest bit, but often. She used to visit a doctor one a month to get help with her own medical issue, but has since stopped in part because of my father and because of quarantine. Since he is high risk she won’t go anywhere she absolutely doesn’t have too.
She’s been coming into both my and and my father’s room late at night to ask us random things, sometimes 3 or 4 times over an hour, and then promptly forgets about doing so when asked in the morning. She’ll prepare food and forget about eating it the next day.
I’ve been doing what I can, like accompany her when she goes out late at night, telling her to go bed earlier, and making meals to ease her burden in carrying for my father, but I don’t know what to do. She seems to want to take of everyone but herself and it starting scare me because some of the things she’s doing don’t seem safe. My father doesn’t want to bring it up, I don’t know why, and whenever I do try to bring it up I’m just shot down. I’m not sure if the last year is getting to her, or if the last 6 she’s spent dealing with me the issues with my father added on are stressing her out.
Does anyone have any advice or any clue what’s going on with my mom?
​
TL:DR: I think all the pressure of caring for a sick kid and husband is getting to my mom. She does things at late and night and never remembers them. She goes out shopping past 11pm I’m not sure she’s in a right state to drive. It scares me and I don’t know how to make her take care of herself.
 
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/jtbc2k/update_my_moms59f_been_acting_weird_for_the_past/)
Hey reddit. so I wanted to make an update since it seems my original post got a lot more attention than I thought it would, and I never got a chance respond to respond to any of your comments.
Just a little refresher, she was driving late at night (12-2am) with no need to, coming into me and my dad's rooms late at night to ask us random things repeatedly and forget about it, prepare food and forget about eating it the next day, and other things.
So anyway, after reading through all of your responses, I realised I had to take action. I've taken to much of a passive seat in this issue. I'd cook, and help my dad sometimes, but I left most of it to my mom. I’ll be honest I was happy living my own life free of problems for the first time a while, and I was to focused on myself. I was selfish and spent my time reading books instead of taking care of my family.
I saw in a comment how I could try scheduling a doctors appointment and maybe forcing her to go, or sitting on an appointment with her and to be honest that broke me a little. I was scared to take such a big step and since I'm pretty much alone in this situation I didn’t want to take that step myself.
The day after I made the post I talked to her. I confronted her on Sunday night, without my father there, and basically told her straight up she needed to stop going out late and night because it scares me, I'm still not ready to ask her about mental issues. she said shed stop. When I brought up the memory she acted clueless and basically said she didn’t know what I was talking about. I was ready for this because I filmed her during on one of the nights where she was acting weird. she laughed it off.
I came out of that conversation feeling extremely dejected. but a few days later she told me she was going to the doctor. it wasn't for the problems I'd brought up, but it was for one of her own medical problems she hadn't addressed since my dad got sicker in April. She’ll be going to the doctor for some of her own problems unrelated to this post, but it gave me hope since she’s started taking care of herself.
I got my shit together, I help with my dad for about half the day and I’ve been cooking dinner 5 times a week, instead of just two or three times. I do more chores, I’m trying to do everything I can within my limits to help more around the house.
I’d like to address a few more comments and how they relate. The topic of alcohol came up a few times, after looking back, I realise she was going though about a bottle every week, I’m not sure if it’s related, but she decided 2 weeks ago to only drink one day week, and since then the late night mumblings have stopped. While they could be unrelated, I found the timing convincing.
To those of you who thought she was abusing drugs, I'll admit, even though we’re a family of three, we have a fair amount of prescription medication shared between the three of us. It’s all stored in the same place, and because of that, I was able to check what parents are taking. When my mom took my dad out, I looked for some of the drugs you suggested. I didn’t find anything. I doubt she'd take from my father, because I'd notice if he'd be running out.
The fact she was going out late a night worried some most, as it did me, but I don’t think I was clear enough in my original post. Aside from the first two times she did it, I've accompanied her on her outings everything since, and I stayed up until 3am each night incase she decided to leave. It probably wasn’t the smartest thing to do, but I couldn't force her to stay home so in my mind it seemed like the best option.
Also, CO2 poisoning is out since our detector works perfectly fine.
In essence, she's doing better, but if she ever slips back into the ways she was acting, I'm calling our family doctor, regardless of what my parents say.
Thank you to everyone who responded, your advice meant a lot to me!
TL:DR - My mom has mostly stopped acting strange, thank you reddit! | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jtkww1/my_moms_been_acting_weird_for_the_past_5_months/ | jtkww1 | 8,992 | 292 | [
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2020-11-14T22:49:12 | "BF hung out with and slapped this girl’s ass at a party I was also at' | r/relationships | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/dqm81i/bf_28m_kept_hanging_with_and_touching_random_girl/) by u/ciothr*
 
BF (28M) kept hanging with and touching random girl at a party I was also at (26F)
I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for about 8 months. We’re both pretty outgoing and adventurous but this was the first real party we were both going to at the same time. It was a Halloween party so we were dressed up as two characters from the same show and had some drinks before leaving. We planned to get a little drunk but not black-out drunk since we both had to be up the next day.
Anyways, long story short he kept drinking when we got there which was fine until I saw him stumble. I told him he’s drunk enough and we’re having fun and him drinking more would mean he’d be falling all over. He agreed but apparently kept drinking. Anyways we danced on and off for maybe an hour when he went to the bathroom and didn’t come back for like 30 mins. I was fine and just kept dancing myself and with other people I knew when I looked over and he’s chatting up some chick. I’m like ok maybe he knows her. I look back and she’s dancing on the stairs and he’s slapping her ass. I turn red and hold myself back from going over there and think about what I’m gonna do. One person I met at the party looks over and is like “isn’t he with you?” And I’m like “not really” to cover but like an idiot I’m dressed to match him.
Anyways I wait for an opening and I go over and tell him I’m leaving I’ll see him later (as if we didn’t come together) and he follows me out. Some guy follows us and starts yelling at him about him trying to touch ass and my BF is so drunk he doesn’t even respond and I just grab him and we leave. I put him in the back of a cab and I sit in front and we both don’t say anything. The plan was for him to spend the night since he lives really far so we get to my place and I put him to bed and sleep on the couch.
I told him in the morning I didn’t want to see him anymore and he claims he doesn’t remember anything. I tell him I don’t care because never have I felt so disrespected and humiliated and I’m not dealing with this. The trust is gone. Not only that I was dressed all hot and he barely paid any attention to me all night so now my confidence is also just shattered. He’s very apologetic but also saying he was just too drunk and didn’t know what he was doing so I shouldn’t hold it against him.
My question is: I’m not overreacting for breaking up with him right? And also how do I stop feeling like complete trash after this humiliating experience? I can barely leave my apt at the moment and my friends are texting me about this too and Idk what to say.
TLDR: BF hung out with and slapped this girl’s ass at a party I was also at. We broke up, he claims he doesn’t remember and was just too drunk and is very apologetic.
 
[**1 Year Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/ju66a7/update_bf_28m_kept_hanging_with_and_touching/)
Hey guys this is just an update to my original post. It’s been a bit over a year since I posted and I wanted to give everyone an update and say thank you for all the kind words and advice I got here.
My ex tried contacting me a couple times after our break up and he did come one evening to pick up the stuff he’d left at my place. I’d planned to just give him his stuff and shut the door but he talked me into to having a bit more discussion. Basically he apologized over and over and I reiterated there was no going back from this. I mentioned that if he did this type of thing while I was around, I can only imagine what he does when he’s out drinking with his friends and at rock fests he’d been to since we’ve been together. He was upset I was painting him as a cheater and that I said he was lucky he didn’t get charged for assault. After our discussion he stopped contacting me until a few months later he sent me a text early in the morning on my birthday asking how I was to which I didn’t respond.
Since the initial heartbreak I’ve actually been doing really well. My friends were there for me when I finally reached out and I got really close to a couple of them over this situation. It’s a long story but we’ve since gone into business together and are doing better than expected and I closed on my first house last week! On top of that after some dating around, I started seeing a really nice guy over the summer and now with the pandemic hitting hard where I am we’ve been able to quarantine together and it turns out I really like him, ha.
So thanks again everyone for validating me when I was questioning my decision.. it’s really hard to know if you’re thinking properly when you’re in that space so I appreciate the help and support. I know I for one like reading happy endings on these types of forums so I’m glad I can contribute my own! :)
TL;DR- We had a discussion when he picked up his stuff and he only contacted me once afterwards. Now I’m doing really well and have moved on! | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/juazwl/bf_hung_out_with_and_slapped_this_girls_ass_at_a/ | juazwl | 5,039 | 317 | [
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2020-11-15T20:19:20 | "Several years ago I made a post about how impossible it is to make money in audio and I thought I would give you guys an update." | r/audioengineering | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/audioengineering/comments/8ihyw4/how_is_it_physically_possible_to_make_any_money/) by u/dansmom*
 
I've been mixing/making my own music and recording it for about 10 years. I'm 21. I went to school for audio engineering for 3 semesters and dropped out because it was a waste of money (at my particular school). Recently I've been really upping the anty with the amount of work I put into this. Spending 6-12 hours a day messaging bands and making youtube tutorials and posting my stuff everywhere. I even tried stock music and had songs approved but no money came from that. I think I'm at the point now where my skills are at least respectable to the point of getting at least one paid project (I've never had a paid project before)
Anyways this has always been my dream and it feels completely impossible. I feel like no matter what I do nothing ever pans out. I could try and get better at mixing but I feel like that's not the issue. If it was a matter of working hard and I knew I would succeed in some way I would work even harder but it just seems like I'm butting my head into a wall over and over again. When is it going to end? What is the point of doing so much for absolutely nothing in return?
I know a lot of you guys might think it's my mindset but in reality my mindset has been great up until this point but now I'm just starting to feel incredibly hopeless. "Just keep doing what you're doing!" "Just work harder!" "Be humble!" Why? I've been doing it for weeks and weeks and absolutely nothing happens either way.
Anyways I know this post is depressing but if you guys have any ideas feel free to comment on this. Thanks for reading.
 
[**2 Years Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/audioengineering/comments/ifcoo3/several_years_ago_i_made_a_post_about_how/)
2 years ago I made a post about how hard it is to make a living doing audio.
I was 21 at the time and had been writing and recording for 8 years or something like that. Anyways I thought I would give you guys an update on how things went now that its been a few years. A lot of your comments were very insightful and some people told me to give up and that I wasn't cut out for it.
After I made that post I just kept working normal jobs and doing music for fun. At some point I had an epiphany that no matter what happens, I will keep making music anyways. Essentially whether I have money, or don't have money, or regardless of my circumstances in life I will just continue to do music.
I stopped being dependent on it whatsoever to make any type of revenue and just kept posting songs to Youtube and other places. I had zero outcome dependence and just genuinely had a ton of fun making instrumentals. I noticed there was a market for Royalty Free Metal Instrumentals so I just kept creating songs for that audience over and over.
A few months past and I get hundreds of downloads for free on my Soundcloud page, most of the traffic coming from Youtube. Once the free downloads maxed out at some point I created a website where I was now selling the tracks off of my Youtube page. If I remember correctly some of the songs were getting 10,000-60,000 views at that time.
I have no idea how many songs I did that year, probably 40 or 50. But at some point people started reaching out to me for custom songs of their own. I would ghost write/mix/master songs for people and then they could use the track for whatever they wanted, an intro for their youtube channel or to put vocals over. But still I was just doing it not really expecting to make too much money.
A year ago I quit my normal job because I was now making $2,000 a month and that was enough to survive. I continued growing and also posting songs. Probably 3-4 a week. I made TONS of connections and made so many friends doing this. I've worked with a bunch of musicians, youtubers, vocalists, gamers, you name it.
It's been one year now of living off of my passion. I write about 20-30 songs per month sometimes more. The store is bringing in about $1000 a month and the custom songs are bringing in around $2,000-2,500 and that is perfect for me. I am still growing and expanding my business but I am also very content and happy with where I am.
I would say the biggest changes were internal. I had to realize I can do it and stop being dependent on the outcome of "succeeding" based on societies expectations or trying to gain monetary success, and then of course things actually started to fall into place.
But long story short, the point of this post wasn't to flex. It's to simply let you guys know that no matter what if you want to do this don't let any random people on an internet forum tell you that you can't. Because even though it's tough, you can succeed at this. You just have to redefine your parameters for success. Now that I know what it's like to do this for a living I realize that it was never about doing it for a living or making money. It was simply about creating music. That's it. Nothing else. Sure surviving off of it gives me more time to do it, but other then that the money is just another physical object.
Money won't actually make you happy but making music day in and day out, leaving a legacy of awesome tunes is what you will really gain in the end. I would post my channel but it would be considered self promotion. Thank you for reading. I hope this helps anyone that feels like I did when I first made that post.
TLDR; I used to be super depressed and unhappy and making zero money from my music, now I make a living doing music and it was all because of a mindset shift and hard work. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jusnud/several_years_ago_i_made_a_post_about_how/ | jusnud | 5,656 | 269 | [
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2020-11-16T18:06:52 | While at work, OP's prized cherry trees are picked naked by MIL | r/JUSTNOMIL | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/ibghmg/jnmil_picked_my_cherries_because_i_hadnt_done_it/) by u/NegativeBarracuda*
 
I've calmed down since, but I'll admit, I was so mad I cried that day.
We live on an acreage and my pride and joy the past several years has been putting in long-term plants. Specifically fruiting varieties, berries and long-term harvestables like a rhubarb patch and even some sunflowers. I prune my trees each season. Every tree gets a once-over a few times to deal with pests. It's meditative for me. I grew up in the city and always wanted to work towards this point. I even talk to my trees and plants and everything I grow. It helps with my depression and anxiety. Very grounding, hah!
My cherry trees were doing so so good this year! Big, beautiful crops. I had nets up. The birds were leaving them alone. No serious pests. I watered them through a huge dry period during June, where most plants were scorching. They made it through, and did so so good. I was so proud of my little trees!
I had everything ready during the week. Got my ladder. Got my buckets. Got my canning equipment out and sterilized and freezer bags ready to rock. I had planned for a whole day on Saturday to get my cherries processed, and time on Sunday too if I underestimated. Work had been hell all week. I had an anxiety attack at work from the stress. It's been rough. On Friday, I got up early, checked my cherries and was excited for the day to be over so I could get a head start on some things.
I roll into my driveway and tell my other half that I'm going to just throw together a quick supper then head out and pick some cherries.
He tells me: "Sounds good! Mom stopped by earlier and grabbed some cherries too."
My stomach turned into an instant knot. This was my hard work. The cherries were my reward for all of that. Of the years of tending and pruning and caring and fertilizing and love.
I go out and my nets are still on the trees, but the cherries are picked as high as I could reach. All of them. All 4 trees are naked except for the very very top. I started crying. I threw my bucket like a child with a tantrum. I was so mad. Those were my cherries. Mine!
I went inside to hubby and he asked what was wrong. I told him all my cherries were gone, that JNMIL and JNFIL had taken all of them. He immediately calls them and puts them on speaker, asking what the deal was. The response?! The reason they took ALL my damn cherries?!
"Well they were ripe and ready to be picked! Since NegBar hadn't done it yet, we assumed she just didn't want them."
Yes, because I put up bird netting for fun. Because me having the ladder out is just me doing yard feng shui. Because having buckets on hand is just me giving the buckets some sun and fresh air.
The kicker?? The best part of all of this?!?! THEY HAVE CHERRY TREES! And apple trees. And fruit bushes! When I brought this up, they said that their cherries hadn't come in well this year. No kidding. Their trees have a fungus I've been telling them to deal with for years but they couldn't bare the thought of pruning their fruit trees!
So, they took my cherries as a result.
JNMIL had already frozen the majority of the cherries, given some away to friends. and turned the rest into various canning recipes.
I picked what I could and ended up with a single ice cream pail worth of cherries total from my four trees.
Words can't explain how absolutely gutted I am. I cried again on Saturday as I put away all my canning stuff, realizing I wouldn't need it for the amount of cherries I managed to get.
I don't think I've ever been this mad before. JNMIL has had moments in the past that I could deal with. That I've worked through. That I can almost forgive her for. Or at least pity her for, to be so desperate for certain attention or affection from people.
Even just typing this up just makes me feel so upset. My trees are something I love, you know? I've taken care of them, tended to them, talked to them, and was so excited for this year to have that moment of picking a beautiful harvest that I worked so hard for, despite depression and anxiety telling me I wasn't a gardener, couldn't do it, that I wasn't skilled enough to have fruit trees. I proved that wrong. I had a beautiful reward waiting for me, with beautiful weekend weather, and happy cherry trees to feel pride about.
And it was taken from me.
This feels like heartbreak.
It's not even about the cherries, you know?
EDIT: To add some details, Hubby thought they were asking for a small amount, like a bowl or small bucket of cherries. You know, like normal people. They stopped by before he had to go to work to ask to pick cherries. Neither of us were home while they were picking. He texted me this morning to tell me he's going over there after work to 'deal with this' for me. I will keep you posted.
 
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/ic5mes/update_jnmil_picked_my_cherries_because_i_hadnt/)
I never truly imagined my post about me crying over cherries would get the massive support that it did. When I wrote it, I was so angry and upset. Livid, even. By the end of the day, after talking to so many of you, I felt so much better. You made me feel heard, validated and sane. Apparently it's okay to cry over stolen cherries! The outcry over the situation was incredible, and man, I did not expect so many people to have my back. It gave me a huge confidence boost to really deal with this situation. Thank you for all your kind words, your Hugz and the direct messages I got from people offering reassuring words and support. You all helped me move past the anger and focus on solving the problem. As such, I suppose an update is in order!
First and foremost, though, is JNMILs nickname. It was a close running between Cherry-Stealing Whore and Locust. In the end, I've opted for Locust (thanks u/NOLARosarita
!) Because we already know that she is, in fact, a cherry-stealing whore.
Hubby did go over to his parents last night after work to talk to them, and I opted to stay home. I knew that if I went over there, it would just muddle the waters and we would both end up gaslit by Locust. When it's just them and their son, they tend to take things more seriously.
Hubby called me after a little while and asked me to come over to talk too. At first I refused. I dug my heels in a bit, then realized maybe he needs back-up and he couldn't ask for it openly, you know? Fine. I throw on some shoes and go over to the JNILs, keys in hand to show I'm not there to hang out and that I'm ready to leave at a moments notice.
Locust is nowhere to be seen. Of course not. Hubby is sitting at the kitchen table with his dad. I opted not to sit, and just leaned against the counter instead.
FIL: "I should have called you first, NegBar. I'm sorry. I thought Locust had talked to you and that with work and you being so busy lately, that you didn't have time to harvest your trees."
Me: "Okay here's the problem with that: Why would I have my buckets and ladders and nets out if I wasn't going to harvest my cherries?"
FIL: "I thought that you had asked Locust for help."
Me: I laughed! Straight up laughed. Seriously? Seriously?! "When have I ever asked for help, FIL? Especially from Locust. You know I'm stubborn, and independent as hell. I've never asked for help with my harvests before. You know I don't even ask for help when I'm chopping wood, or hauling rocks, or building my own greenhouse! You know I hate asking for help. And even if I did, and you guys said you would, why did you guys take everything home? Why didn't you leave anything?"
FIL: "I brought a couple buckets back and wanted to wash and pit them for you, so you wouldn't have to. I was going to drop them off later."
Me: "So why did your friends end up taking buckets home, then?"
FIL: "Not my friends! That was all Locust. I had to run some errands in town and by the time I came everything was put away or gone. I only found out she had given away some after I got back."
Me: "Where is Locust anyway?"
FIL: "She needed to pick up some groceries."
Sure.
Me: "You know, I am still very upset about all of this. One phone call. That's all you had to do. You know Locust does this. She calls and messes things up all the time. You and I both know this!"
FIL: "I messed up on this one. I honestly thought we were going to pick a bunch and get them back to you. That's why I was hurrying to clean up the first batch while Locust was still picking."
Me: "Can I get my cherries now, then?"
FIL: "Absolutely. Take all the cherries in the freezer. They're clean, and pitted too! There's jars down there, jam I think, and maybe some other stuff. I'll grab a box and we will get you some pickles and carrots and eggs too. I'm sorry this got so messed up. I've already talked to Locust about it and this will not be happening again. I promise."
So we loaded up my car with cherries and jams and pickled goodies. I left some of the gross jam that was super runny and a weird mixed berry thing. She can have that. Enjoy. I got some pickled eggs, spicy pickles and a couple big jars of pickled carrots.
While we were loading the car, I also mentioned my excess canning equipment. I asked FIL what he has for apples. He said he would pick whatever was ready and leave them on the deck for me to pick-up after work sometime this week. That he would give me a call and let me know when and I could come by anytime once he had a bunch for me.
Hubby also reminded his dad that we are putting in a security system on our property with remote cameras and motion sensors, something we've been wanting to do for a long time. I mentioned that I would get alerts on my phone, which would make me feel more safe while I was at work or at home when hubby wasn't there. FIL said that was a great idea, and he would make Locust well aware that she is no longer welcome to do any 'surprise visits' without us there.
I told him that even if she tried, we would know about it, and that it records everything. We would be able to go back and see if she broke this visitation rule.
I decided not to put Locust on blast on social media, mostly to be the bigger person here. Sure, her friends might think she gave them cherries. Cool. I don't care what her friends think, and it will be interesting to watch her squirm next year when she has no cherries anymore all of a sudden That's the bed she will have to lie in.
I ended up getting the majority of my cherries back, frozen, but at least they're clean and already pitted. I can make pies with these, so I'm okay with that. Plus I got some goodies that I hadn't had a chance to make yet this year, so that was a bonus. And I've negotiated several buckets worth of apples with FIL, so that my canning stuff won't go completely to waste this year.
I have decided that I will be going VVVLC with Locust for the next while (especially around any harvest time.) I have also decided that I will be blocking certain family members around harvest time next year as well, so they don't get to see what I'm growing either. Locust has shown she cannot be trusted to know anything about another person's garden.
Do I believe FIL in all of this? Yes and no. He has moments where he's OK and he has moments where he is JN. But, he has his own issues and, in the end, he did apologize, gave me back my stuff and gave me additional stuff to make up for the cherry loss of what was given away. So not an ultimate win, but I still consider that better than a total loss. I feel like once I get the apples I've been promised (and I will report back if I don't), the only thing left out of balance will be the behaviour and violation of trust rather than the financial loss of the situation.
We are moving forward with the security system. We are putting them on an info diet. I have decided to not bring home-cooked meals to the family get-togethers for the foreseeable future as well. As much as I love cooking, I have my walls up and I'm still feeling super defensive. I don't want her to know what I'm growing, so I won't be bringing anything but store-bought, pre-packaged foods to dinner from now on. She doesn't get to know when my dill or chives are plentiful, my cucumbers are ready, my tomatoes are nice and juicy, my potatoes hilled, and definitely not when my fruit is ready for picking!
The funny part? I had a bucket set aside that I had planned to give her full of cherries once I was done picking myself. But, she had to go and be a cherry-stealing whore. Hope it was worth destroying the olive branches I had offered over the years! Hope she enjoys her running mixed berry jam. Hope those sad little jars were worth it, because I'll never be sharing my cherries again.
I'm a kind person, deep down. But rue the day you fuck with my trees. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jvbmve/while_at_work_ops_prized_cherry_trees_are_picked/ | jvbmve | 12,889 | 509 | [
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2020-11-17T16:31:09 | OP opened their first bank account at 10, and their mom was the guardian on the account. OP is now 30 and never bothered to change bank accounts-- and the IRS is garnishing OP's account for the mom's unpaid taxes. [Posted 4 years ago] | Personalfinance | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/comments/4k66ag/my_mom_didnt_pay_taxes_the_state_is_going_to_take/) is by /u/UclaBruins12.*
I opened a bank account when I was ten. Because I was a minor, it was a joint account with my mom (that was the bank's rules). She has never ever used it herself (she even forgot it exists). Fast forward almost twenty years I've never switched accounts because I've always been happy with my bank. This has been my primary checking and savings account. The fact that my mom was still on my account never really bothered me, or crossed my mind, because I didn't know she had bad finances, and because she never EVER uses this account. For all practical purposes its "mine."
Well today, I just received a notice that about $2,500 in my account has been attached and will be remitted to the state tax board in 10 days. Turns out that my mom hasn't paid state taxes in 2 years, and they have decided to take from this account. I had absolutely no notice of this. The notice I got came directly from my bank. My mom does not have the money to pay this.
Other than not using this account anymore, and opening an account in my name only, what else can I do?
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/comments/4mfezp/update_my_mom_didnt_pay_taxes_the_state_is_going/)
As a reminder, unbeknownst to me, my mom didn't pay her taxes so the bank sent me a notice that the tax board was about to take money from our joint account, which is really my account that she never ever uses, and her name is only on it because it was opened when I was a minor (although I no longer am a minor).
Good news! I ended up calling the tax board several times, and they were actually extremely helpful once I got a hold of a real live person. In the end, they had me fax them my information, a pay stub, and 3 bank statements from the last three months, proving that I was the only one who used the account. Afterwards, they removed the order to levy my account.
I have since withdrawn the money from that account and put it into my own account. Problem solved.
Thank you for everyone's help and advice on this.
EDIT: For those who are wondering, my mom will be ok. I talked to her and convinced her to face her taxes rather than continue to put it off. She was very very sorry. She started a payment plan June 1 with the Tax Board. Whether she follows it and stays with it is up to her. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jvw2nx/op_opened_their_first_bank_account_at_10_and/ | jvw2nx | 2,457 | 374 | [
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2020-11-18T18:09:23 | OP has fine hair that falls out at a higher than average rate; her husband has gotten obsessed with the idea that the hair she sheds will kill the baby, and is constantly haranguing her about it. | Relationship_Advice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ju917a/my_f26_husband_m27_is_convinced_my_hair_is_going/) is by /u/ThrowRAhairbaby.*
My husband is very protective of our daughter, which is great because she's only 4 months old and needs a lot of protection. But he is definitely a helicopter parent in the making. His current fixation is my hair.
I have very fine hair. Before giving birth it was down to my butt, but when our daughter was about 3 weeks old I got it cut to just below my shoulders for convenience. For some reason, it falls out a lot, i think because it's so fine. It's not a medical thing and not a post partum thing because it's been like this for a long time. As far as I know I can't do anything about it short of shaving my head (any suggestions are welcome!).
My husband is convinced that our baby will get some hair in her mouth and into her body, then she will need surgery to remove it or it will kill her. Every day he tells me to watch my hair around the baby. Every time I pick her up, he tells me to be careful with my hair. Every time I make her food, every time he sees a hair on my shirt. Every time he finds a hair of mine he complains. And when I say every time, I mean EVERY time. Multiple times a day, for 4 months. And it's not like I'm walking around dangling it in her face, it's tied back or at least slung behind my shoulder.
He is also sure I'm going to bang her head on a doorframe when I'm holding her and walking, so frequently tells me to be careful about that as well, but the hair thing is by far the most common and most annoying. I've told him I get it, I'm being careful and to quit reminding me, he says that when it comes to the safety of our daughter he will tell me every second of every day to keep her safe.
I've tried telling him to quit. I've tried pointing out more broadly that we can't protect her from everything forever. We're just stuck in this endless loop of him getting frustrated about my hair, and me getting frustrated about him telling me about it. We've had numerous arguments over this, and I just don't know where to go from here?
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/jwdaxq/update_my_husband_is_convinced_my_hair_will_kill/)
My post got removed due to hitting the limits - but I wanted to provide a brief update because things definitely didn't go the way I expected but it did all work out for the best.
My husband saw the post. He opened up the laptop to do something (he wasn't spying or anything - it's technically my laptop but it's the only one in the house so we frequently share it). The post was left open on the screen. At first I thought he didn't see it because the he didn't say anything.
Then the next morning all hell broke loose. He was pretty angry, saying that internet strangers do not care about our baby so why would their advice be relevant. For the rest of the day when I asked him a question he said "go and ask your internet friends". After he calmed down I did apologise for hurting his feelings but emphasised that I was also upset by his unreasonable behaviour.
It took a day or so, but we're back to normal now. With one difference. He has FINALLY stopped obsessing over my hair. I don't know if it was reading the comments on my previous post, or just realising I was so desperate about the situation. But he has finally stopped mentioning it all the time (I think he's done it maybe once or twice in the last couple of days). I can live with that.
So yeah, for a second I thought everything was going to shit, but maybe seeing the post was the best thing for him in the long run. I haven't yet approached the idea of him seeing a professional about potential PPA, it's difficult right now with the pandemic and I'm unsure how accepting of the idea he will be. I do plan to broach the issue with him, but I want to wait for the right moment to do so.
So yeah, thank you all for the advice you gave. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jwkvn8/op_has_fine_hair_that_falls_out_at_a_higher_than/ | jwkvn8 | 3,997 | 307 | [
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2020-11-18T18:33:55 | "How do you break up with someone who treats you like gold?" | r/AskWomenOver30 | [deleted] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jwldvf/how_do_you_break_up_with_someone_who_treats_you/ | jwldvf | 9 | 1 | [
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2020-11-19T16:05:25 | OP realizes that their quiet behavior regarding their pregnancy is actually alienating and offending their extended family | null | tvvat_waffle | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jx5e4h/op_realizes_that_their_quiet_behavior_regarding/ | jx5e4h | 0 | 141 | [
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2020-11-20T22:01:47 | "How do you break up with someone who treats you like gold?' | r/AskWomenOver30 | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomenOver30/comments/iy9ekb/how_do_you_break_up_with_someone_who_treats_you/) by u/HotPeppers1234*
 
I’ve been with my bf now for 6 months. We started dating right when COVID hit. He treats me like gold and is the nicest guy ever. The problem is - I’m just not attracted to him as much as I should be at this point. My feelings run hot and cold every time I see him and I feel like I should have the butterflies and excitement for him, but I just don’t. The thought of even potentially meeting his parents during the holidays gives me anxiety.
Have you ever had to break up with someone that treated you exactly how you should be treated because your feelings weren’t mutual? How do I even do it?
I’m scared I won’t find someone who treats me this way again and I will end up alone
UPDATE: I want to thank all of you so much for taking the time to respond honestly to my post. I wasn’t expecting so much traction but you all have really great advice. I think a lot of you nailed it - I self-sabotage to protect myself from being hurt and I push good things away because I don’t think I deserve them. I am going to commit to soul-searching and seeing a therapist, in general, and if it works out with My current bf, great. If not, I will know that I am bettering myself so that I can have a healthy(ier) relationship - with myself - and someone else down the road.
 
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomenOver30/comments/jq3i06/update_how_do_you_break_up_with_someone_who/)
Well it’s been 45 days since my last post and thought I would give an update to anyone who cares.
I do appreciate everyone responding but reading the comments about self-sabotage kind of hit a nerve. After reflecting on that and speaking with a counselor, I realized that self-sabotaging is exactly what I was doing. I have very low self esteem and feel like I don’t deserve to be loved or treated well, so to keep myself from getting hurt, I push relationships away. I’m safe alone - I won’t ever hurt myself.
I’ve been working with my therapist and was pretty open with my boyfriend. I’m happy to report that things are actually going really well. I’ve realized that he is the nicest guy I’ve ever dated and I would be stupid to let him go. As I said in the title, he treats me like gold. My sexual and physical attraction towards him has grown tremendously and I’m finding that I almost can’t get enough of him now, which is what I always wanted to feel - I just wouldn’t allow myself to.
Anyway, that’s the update. I’d love to hear if anyone has gone though a similar situation. Thanks for reading! | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jxyip3/how_do_you_break_up_with_someone_who_treats_you/ | jxyip3 | 2,665 | 579 | [
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2020-11-21T16:20:56 | AITA for getting frustrated with my mom for being in the kitchen at the same time as me? | AITA | OP: [u/alotofeggcups](https://www.reddit.com/user/alotofeggcups/)
I (18F) have a super repetitive and predictable routine. Every morning at 9:55, I go into the kitchen to pack my lunch for work.
Every morning at 9:55, my mom decides she absolutely needs to be in the kitchen as well. Emptying the garbage, rearranging stuff in the cupboards, wiping down the counter, whatever. But it's like she waits for me to go to make my lunch and then comes in. The kitchen isn't very big, so she's always bumping into me while I'm cutting stuff up or standing in front of cupboards I need to get into.
I've asked her politely a couple times if she could wait until I'm done (I take 10 minutes, max), but she snapped at me for "ordering her around in her own house."
Yesterday, I was cutting up vegetables and she came in to wash dishes, and ended up bumping into me while I was using the knife. I got a small surface-level cut on my finger. It honestly wasn't bad, but I was so frustrated with her that I snapped and said "Maybe if you didn't insist on being my personal backpack every morning, this wouldn't have happened."
My parents are saying I'm an AH for snapping at her for this, but my sister is siding with me. I feel bad for being rude, but I also think it was partially justified on my end.
AITA?
I got a much bigger response on my original post than I ever thought I would. A couple hours after I posted it, I realized I left a lot of information out and wanted to clarify some things, as well as provide an update on the situation.
Some people asked if I pay rent or own the house. It's my parents house, and I don't pay rent. I can't afford to move out right now, and my parents don't want to let me move out until after my first year of uni.
Some people also asked if I'm autistic. I have ADHD, which shares a lot of traits with autism. I stick to a strict routine because it's the only way I'm able to remember to do everything I need to in the morning.
A lot of people suggested packing my lunch at a different time, or even the night before. I had tried this before; no matter what time I went into the kitchen, my mom followed. I tried it again a couple times since making the post, and she continued to follow me.
I took the advice of some people who told me to try going into the kitchen as usual, but to leave when my mom got in my way and tell her I'd wait until she was finished. I even made sure the kitchen was spotless the night before. Dishwasher emptied, no dishes in the sink, counters wiped down, and trash emptied. She followed me in, and when I said I'd wait, she said she was done. Almost as soon as I went back in, she followed me in again and claimed she had forgotten to do something.
A lot of people pointed out that she might just want to spend time with me, which I hadn't thought of before. I think that maybe me getting a job, finishing high school, and starting to work towards getting my driver's license made her realize I'm growing up and won't be dependent on her/living at home for much longer. Maybe she just wants to spend as much time with me as she can before I go, or maybe she doesn't feel as "Mom" as she did before.
What finally worked was, after dinner a couple nights ago, asking her to pack some leftovers from dinner in a separate container for me to take for lunch the next day. She seemed really happy that I asked, and didn't follow me into the kitchen the next morning. She even left a sticky note with a smiley face on top of the container! I also asked if she could drive me to work, which gave us the chance to chat and catch up in the car.
I think she just missed feeling like I need her, which I always will. Even though we butt heads sometimes, she'll always be my mom, and I think I just needed to find a way to remind her of that.
I wrote my original post feeling super frustrated at my mom, but I teared up a bit finishing this update. Sending a massive thank you to all the kind people who commented and helped me work this out :) | cherry5462 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jydg95/aita_for_getting_frustrated_with_my_mom_for_being/ | jydg95 | 4,012 | 417 | [
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2020-11-22T18:09:38 | OP's loony, sovereign citizen brother comes to stay with him, and then unexpectedly locks OP out of his own home, claiming he is now the rightful owner of the house, because "common law." The police decline to help in any way, claiming it's a "civil matter." | LegalAdviceUK | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/jv9ytd/brother_is_using_common_law_to_evict_me_from_my/) is by /u/CommonLaw231.*
Hi there, really really weird one here but to cut a long story short my brother moved in with me at the start of lockdown because he was living in hotels for some reason. I recently found out this was because he owes around £260,000 in debts to a multitude of small businesses for various reasons, a lot of these cases have gone to the High Court and he is being actively pursued by bailiffs.
When he moved in he was relatively normal but vague about why he was living in hotels etc. Then as lockdown went on he started to get more and more obsessed with these freemen-on-the-land/common law types which has led to some major disputes like saying he doesn't have to wear a mask because he's not a subject of the crown but the Cromwellian Lord Protectorship and trying to "annex" land from the fields behind our house because apparently you can claim land by throwing a hatchet at four corners? Well recently the bailiffs somehow caught up with him and they were pretty nice lads. Explained everything to me but after he said he wouldn't pay even if he had all the money in cash they took his car. Ever since this my brother has been furious with me so we started avoiding each other around the house.
This weekend I went away for a mini-break on the coast and came back to find all the locks have been changed and windows boarded up. Garden furniture is nowhere to be seen. Rang my brother who basically explained as the house was unclaimed he'd made a "de facto" eviction of me from the house making him sole owner and if I attempted to make entry he'd have every right to kill me under the provision that an 'Englishman's home is his castle'. I'm staying with my parents which isn't ideal as they should be shielding and I went on the mini-break but when I contacted the police I was told as a tenant he has every right to change the locks? Dead confused. Any help is very much appreciated.
tl;dr brother is a common law nutjob and is evicting me from my own house and police won't help. Any advice is much appreciated.
Edit: Btw in England. Also very very scared if more bailiffs come to the house they'll seize my stuff thinking it's his.
**Additional comment from OP**
And yeah the Bailiff incident was a story in itself really. Initially he denied he was on the writ then said I was on the writ then said he was on the writ but not liable due to some Common Law thing about the merchant navy? Then when they moved to take goods he kept saying they have to take my car because it's more expensive and threatened to sue me when they took his etc. Honestly was such a horrible day.
---
[**FIRST UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/jvt6ks/brother_is_using_common_law_to_evict_me_from_my/)
Just woke up to find something like 60 messages in my inbox but wow thanks for all the help guys! You've all been amazing and an especially huge shoutout to pflurklurk, you deserve that gold mate.
Anyway quick update, I'm speaking with solicitors about what I can do now and how we can get rid of him. Rang 101 and police aren't exactly helping (They dragged their feet and said I'd need to go to court etc.) but yeah solicitors have told me that this won't be too hard and he should be out asap.
Once again thanks for all the help!
---
[**FINAL UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/jyeey2/brother_is_using_common_law_to_evict_me_from_my/)
Hello everyone! For those of you who have been following my little saga got some great news! Back in the house and otherwise everything's still here (Spent the whole day making sure) and nothing's been trashed but there's tonnes of Dominoes boxes in the kitchen. Apparently he'd contacted the bank trying to access my accounts and spunked any money he had left on pizzas in "celebration" so he is now both homeless and has no money.
So spoke with a solicitor who's my dads one and he basically picked apart literally every bit of this common law bullshit and we rang the police. Again got stonewalled with a "Tenants can change the locks/you need an eviction order", solicitor explained the situation about how he was a guest and evicted me. Response back was literally "I'm afraid there's nothing we can do, you need to take this up with the housing authority because it's a civil matter not a criminal one." Well solicitor basically said police aren't going to help us so we can either go for a court order or try and get bailiffs now. Went for the second as I need him out asap and they said they this would be very easy.
So bailiffs turn up with locksmith, I don't exactly know what happened as me and the solicitor were waiting around the corner but I do know the police were called and he got carted away. I assumed that'd be the end of it but he's been contacting my parents saying he's the rightful owner of the house now and that "he just needed some time to get back on his feet". Well they've basically disowned him as of this so looks like he's kind of fucked himself. And I assume the police let him back on the streets so going to have to be wary but I just hope he sods off.
Honestly, huge huge huge thank you to everyone and all your kind words. You've all been so amazingly helpful and what was quite possibly the scariest time of my life has now turned into a funny story I can tell my future kids. Anyway yeah thanks again! | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jz0a07/ops_loony_sovereign_citizen_brother_comes_to_stay/ | jz0a07 | 5,502 | 377 | [
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2020-11-23T04:06:06 | OP overhears her infertile sister demanding that OP’s daughter call the sister “mom” instead of “aunt,” leading to the collapse of OP’s marriage. | AITA | [deleted] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jzahpy/op_overhears_her_infertile_sister_demanding_that/ | jzahpy | 9 | 326 | [
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2020-11-23T15:52:16 | OP is selling their house, and their estate agent let the new buyer pressure them into turning over keys well before the sale closed. The new buyer has now flooded the house (a house that is still currently OP's problem). | LegalAdviceUK | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/jj498j/estate_agent_gave_the_keys_to_my_old_house_to_the/) is by /u/ThanksEstateAgents.*
Hi all,
I am due to complete on my house sale next week.
I completed on the house I was purchasing a few weeks ago so decided to move into there when I got the keys. I left the keys to my old house (minus a front and back door key, just in case) with the Estate Agent. I informed them I had moved out, so if the buyers want to go in and take measurements, photos, etc., then the EA can let them in whenever.
I received a call from my old next-door neighbour yesterday morning saying something large was delivered to the house, and someone inside took it in. I wasn't able to make it over until today.
When I got there, I discovered the old washer/dryer (which I graciously left as my new build had one already) was sat in the middle of the living/dining room, and a new one was "installed" in the kitchen. By "installed", I mean it was haphazardly put in the cabinet and clearly wasn't hooked up to the water properly as the entire kitchen and most of the downstairs was absolutely sodden. It looks as if there has been a very steady stream of water since they took the delivery. I don't know if the people inside at the time installed it, or whether the delivery men installed it (though it has to be the former, surely?).
Absolutely furious, I turned off the water at the mains and went straight to the Estate Agent. I asked if the buyers had been in the house at all recently, to which the EA said they went in late on Friday to measure up for a new washing machine. I asked who accompanied them and was told that it wasn't her, it was a colleague. I asked if I could speak to him and was told he was out on a viewing.
I said I was happy to wait and she requested that I wait outside as they're only allowed a limited number of people inside due to COVID. After a short wait, her colleague arrived at the branch. I went back in and asked if he was the agent that accompanied my buyers to my house on Friday.
He got very nervous but said yes. I requested all of my keys back, as I'm well within my right to do, and he began to explain it wasn't necessary, that in future they could give me advanced notice, etc.. I again asked for my keys and was told that they gave one of the front door keys to the buyers. Astonished, I lost my cool and demanded to know what they were playing at. The female agent said that because I had moved out, they thought it wouldn't be an issue for the buyers to let themselves in. It turned out that the male agent did meet them at the house, let them in, but then left them with a key and finished for the day.
I told them that someone needed to accompany me to my house, and that someone else needed to contact the buyers and get my key returned immediately. I sat in the office and did not move until finally the manager agreed to do so.
He looked mortified. He phoned the office very quickly after we went in and said someone needs to go to the buyers and get the key, "like, yesterday". I demanded to know what he was going to do about this and how this would affect the sale, and he asked me - "Firstly, do you have any proof it was definitely them?" I let him know every key was accounted for when I gave them to the agents; 2 for me and the rest for them. I said it's either the buyers or the agents, to which he told me it certainly wasn't one of his staff.
I asked what he was going to do about this and he said he would need to make some calls and will call me back by the close of play today. I haven't heard anything yet.
What do I do?
I know I need a solicitor, but I'm well out of my depth here. Because it's still my house and my responsibility, can the buyers turn around and say the house isn't in the condition they agreed to per the contracts? I have a bridging loan to cover the gap between my old house and new, and will in all likelihood be ruined if this sale falls through. I do have insurance on the house still, but don't want to get them involved yet because a) it isn't my doing, and b) I highly doubt they'll cover it anyway. I'm sorry for the long post, I'm just totally, totally, lost.
In South-East England.
EDIT: Thank you everyone that has commented. I spoke to my conveyancers who have said similar to many of the comments - I probably don't have anything to worry about regarding the sale, and that the Ombudsman would love to hear about the estate agents' actions. Sorry for such a boring update, I'll update this again if there's any further developments. Needless to say I was in a total panic, but thanks to your comments I should be able to get some sleep tonight.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/jpsosl/update_estate_agent_gave_the_keys_to_my_old_house/)
Hello Reddit!
Thank you again for all the advice you gave me on my original post.
My house sale was completed yesterday.
The day after I made the post, every key was returned to me. They did not tell me outright, but it was heavily implied that the agent who gave my key away was sacked. Perhaps they were just trying to appease me and he's still there - I don't know, and don't care... But I'm sure the Ombudsman will. I have been assigned a case handler but with COVID, the cogs are turning very slowly. I don't expect much to come of it truth be told.
I checked the house over once more on Thursday. From what I can see the only lasting damage is to the carpet and the laminate flooring. The carpet smells mouldy and the laminate in the kitchen/diner is all warped and horrible. The petty part of me wanted there to be more lasting damage but I'll take what I can get.
The agents told the buyers what had happened and they tried to kick up a stink saying it was me who caused the damage to spite them. That was quickly put to bed when they were informed they would forfeit their deposit if they reneged. No word as to whether or not they had insurance to cover the damage.
And finally, the agents agreed to waive their entire fee. I might use it to treat my other half to the new sofa she's been harping on about.
All in all, a boring update. Thanks again for your help, and I hope you all get some satisfaction from the outcome. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/jzk3mo/op_is_selling_their_house_and_their_estate_agent/ | jzk3mo | 6,295 | 358 | [
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2020-11-24T18:45:53 | "My husband doesn't like me wearing a _sleep_ mask to bed and I have no idea why." | Relationship_Advice | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ik2ou3/my_husband_doesnt_like_me_wearing_a_sleep_mask_to/) by u/roseandmaple98*
 
Background: I (22f) met my husband, 'Nick' (37m) three years ago, and initially things were wonderful. He was a perfect gentleman and treated me like a princess; I had just escaped an abusive relationship when we met so I was overjoyed to finally be with a man who appreciated me. We got married in August 2019 and began trying for a baby. I should also mention that we live in the UK.
I'm currently 8.5 months pregnant with twins, so on top of everything going on in the world, this year has been hard for me. I'm a very petite woman (4'11, 95lbs pre-baby) so the pregnancy has taken a toll on my body and I'll admit I've been a nightmare to be around, but Nick hasn't made it any easier. He has a stressful job and takes out his frustrations on me. He blows up when I don't have dinner ready on time and has called me a bitch/a nag when I complain about him leaving messes around the house.
I tried to ignore him but snapped back when he began targeting my appearance. Most days he makes fun of my breakouts or my gross hair or my 'disgusting ankles'. The worst insults are about my belly and how fat I am now and how I look like a whale (which is true, but it stings hearing it from someone you love).
I figured getting more sleep would help me feel better about myself; I'm always tired but the bump means it's hard to get comfy, and Nick likes the blinds open so it's never properly dark. My sister suggested wearing a sleepmask at night and it really helped. It's pink and has fluffy cat ears and cat eyes and I think it's so cute.
Nick hates it. He says it's creepy and that he doesn't like me wearing it and he won't tell me why. If I'm wearing it in bed when he gets up he won't kiss me good morning or talk to me until I take it off, which hurts because I need his support. We're going to be parents in a couple of weeks and I've considered throwing it out to keep the peace, but it really helps me sleep. How should I approach this?
 
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ilci7t/update_my_22f_husband_37m_doesnt_like_me_wearing/)
I posted this a couple of days ago and the response was the slap in the face I needed. After reading all the comments (as well as my own words), I realised how naïve and manipulated I must have been to let it continue when I knew something wasn't right. I think I was so wrapped up in what I thought was going to be my 'happy ending' that I didn't realise just how bad things were until it was pointed out to me.
I am safe. When people recommended counselling and the idea of even suggesting it to my husband terrified me, I suppose reality suddenly hit and that was the last straw. I packed my things, told him I was leaving, my sister came to get me and I don't intend to go back.
He has yet to try and contact me and I'm not sure where to go from this point. Obviously I intend to separate from him but I don't know how to break it to him that I want to go through with a divorce, since there's the possibility that he could hurt me or cause problems when it comes to child custody. As I mentioned in my first post, I am heavily pregnant and due to go into labour any day now, so I'm not really up to much and my priority is keeping myself safe.
I'm currently staying with my mother and sister, awaiting the birth of my babies and trying not to get too stressed. Where should I go from here?
UPDATE: Well.
I wasn't expecting this to get nearly as much as attention as it did. Thank you for your kind words (and the awards!). I'll try to reply to as many comments/answer as many questions as I can and post a proper update when things have settled. In the meantime, since it's been an emotional and hectic couple of days, I've cleared my head and decided (with advice from my family) that I am going ahead with the separation for my own sake and that of my children.
(Also, because so many people asked: I'm 35 weeks and set to be induced at 37 although we're certain they're going to arrive any minute now. I've been blessed with a very healthy pregnancy mostly free of complications and I'm optimistic for the future, all things considered.)
 
[**UPDATE 2**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/irxjhx/update_2_my_22f_husband_37m_doesnt_like_me/)
This will probably be my last update (at least for a good while). My update post was capped, not deleted, so don't worry, I'm OK and thank you for all the love and concern.
I'm a mum now! Apparently I have impeccable timing and I went into labour not long after posting my update, and I'm happy to say my delivery was complication free and a wonderful experience. We're all healthy and doing well and I'm safe at home with my family.
My (soon to be ex) husband still hasn't gotten in contact with me and I think I would prefer to keep it that way. I have also taken your advice and am currently talking with a solicitor about how to move forward with the separation.
I'm happy to answer any questions and thank you again for all the support.
I'm a mum now! Apparently I have impeccable timing and I went into labour not long after posting my update. We're all healthy and doing well and I'm safe at home with my family. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/k0b09h/my_husband_doesnt_like_me_wearing_a_sleep_mask_to/ | k0b09h | 5,370 | 535 | [
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2020-11-25T18:37:26 | "How do I (18f) move on after being caught having sex at school?" | Relationship_Advice | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/iei4cp/how_do_i_18f_move_on_after_being_caught_having/)*
 
My bf (18m) and I got caught and sent to an alternative school for 40 days. Thankfully it won’t show up on my college record since this is the first time I’ve ever been in any trouble. I’ve never even gotten detention, and I’m near the top of my class.
I was just diagnosed with Bipolar 2 disorder, and my psychiatrist claims that I was having a manic episode which is why I did what I did. I don’t really know why I agreed to do it. I think I just wanted to please my bf, but I did consent to it. I’m extremely embarrassed and ashamed. I don’t even want to go back to school. I know everyone knows. I want to disappear.
My parents have been treating me like I’m disgusting. They make me sit on towels so I don’t touch the furniture of the car. They exclaim loudly in public places that I had sex at school whenever we get into an argument. My dad has told so many relatives. I feel like the 40 days at the alternative school is hell enough. They took away most of my electronics. I actually sneaked my phone out so I can get some advice.
My forty days already started and I’m a week in and I’m terrified that I’m going to be bullied. My bf is actually proud that we had sex at school and is telling everyone. I don’t want to go to school, but I don’t want to stay at home. I know I made a mistake and I know I will never make it again. I don’t understand why my parents are being so mean. They are literally treating me like I’m a cockroach. They won’t even let me eat diner with them. I have to eat at the kitchen counter while they eat at the table.
They’ve been yelling at me for every little thing. They also have been calling me “bipo” (short for bipolar) whenever I start crying because they’re yelling. I know they have a right to be mad at what I did. I know I need to be punished, but this is too much. They could just take away my electronics and sit down with me and discuss why I did what I did and how wrong it was, but the didn’t.
I really need some advice. I’m scared.
TLDR: we got caught and got sent to an alternative school. My bf and parents are telling everyone they can and I’m so scared to go back to school. My parents are also treating me like I’m disgusting and are acting like they hate me.
 
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/igfzqm/update_how_do_i_18f_move_on_after_being_caught/)
I know it’s a little early for an update, but a lot of people were messaging me about how the conversation with my parents went.
When my dad got home I basically demanded a family meeting excluding my little brother. We all sat down and I just poured my heart out. I told them about how they made me feel so disgusting, and how I was drowning in shame. I said that they betrayed my trust by telling other family members as well as strangers. I said that they made me feel alone, and that them making me sit on a towel as well as constantly belittling me was horrible. I also told them that I lost a lot of respect for them for how they’ve been treating me, and if this persists I would be moving out as soon as I could. I said that the only way I can see us moving forward would be through family therapy.
They did not take it well at first. My dad said he was at his wits end. He couldn’t believe I would defile myself in a very public setting. He said that he couldn’t believe I had such little self-respect for myself. My mom was mostly just silently crying. He asked me how I would parent my kid if they did something like this? I just repeated that I would be moving out if we didn’t get family therapy.
My dad started tearing up and then he did something that shocked me. He apologized. He said he knew what he did was wrong, but he just didn’t know what to do. He was angry, disappointed, and scared I would make the same mistake. He honestly just looked extremely exhausted.
My mom decided to speak up, and said that we should look at therapists together. She also said they would stop all of the shaming while also apologizing profusely for their behavior. However, they did say that I would only be allowed to use electronics during the day and they would collect them at night for two more weeks which I agreed to.
Right now everyone is calm. We’ve decided on a family therapist and are just waiting for them to reply back so we can schedule an appointment. I’m feeling really hopeful, but I know that we have a lot of work ahead of us.
I want to thank everyone for all of the support! | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/k0xx5c/how_do_i_18f_move_on_after_being_caught_having/ | k0xx5c | 4,614 | 349 | [
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2020-11-26T12:08:05 | A short, yet wholesome update from an OP who wanted to ask a girl out | Relationship_Advice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/jibrl9/friggin_crap_i_caught_feelings/) is by /u/Reallymadatmypc.*
I have had commitment issues since my ex cheated on me almost 4 years ago now. Since then I have hooked up with a lot of girls because I didn’t want to get hurt again. I haven’t really lest anyone in. Well 10 months ago I met this girl and she quickly became one of my best friends. I really like her, and I mean really like her. I haven’t told her how I feel because I don’t want to ruin our friendship but it’s getting harder for me to hide. She’s told me she thinks I’m funny, attractive and the nicest person she’s ever met but I don’t know how she feels about me. She also told her friend that she flirted with me but she was buzzed. I really want to tell her how I feel but I also don’t want to ruin what we have. I really need help boys.
---
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/k1d0is/thank_you/)
I followed your advice and shot my shot, I now have a girlfriend! Thank you guys, I really appreciated the extra push I needed to talk to her about it. | cupcakemuffin413 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/k1e5mt/a_short_yet_wholesome_update_from_an_op_who/ | k1e5mt | 1,146 | 227 | [
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2020-11-27T08:23:56 | “AITA for yelling at my brother?” | AITA | [Original Post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j24udb/aita_for_yelling_at_my_brother/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Throwaway for privacy reasons. Apologies in advance for any spelling/grammatical errors.
I (25F) have been with my boyfriend (30M) for eight months. I have a 9 year old son (yes, I know -- it sounds bad. I still get a lot of crap for it). I divorced my ex-husband last year and I've happily moved on.
Fast forward in the new year of 2020, I met my boyfriend and he's been everything a girl could ever ask for: he's sweet, attentive to my wants and needs, and is an amazing father figure to my son. I introduced him to my family and while they've initially had their reservations, they gradually accepted him with open arms. I'm the youngest of four -- with three older brothers (36, 34 and 31) -- and the only girl.
Unfortunately, we hit a rough patch four months ago.
I found out I was pregnant but suffered a miscarriage. I'll admit I was an emotional wreck and utterly depressed. We grieved together, went through online therapy, and we managed to cope. Boyfriend has been my rock every step of the way and took on more responsibilities at home to "lessen the burden". He even bought me a promise ring and told me he loved me and would never leave me despite my faults.
Last month, my boyfriend was diagnosed with depression and has been seeing a therapist. He's been feeling emotionally drained. Since then, I've limited the number of chores he does, ask him to do yoga with me along with other family activities with my son, and remind him to take his meds on time. He grumbles a bit but complies. I love my boyfriend and I do see myself having a future with him, I just want him to feel better.
Here's where the conflict began.
With restrictions slowly easing, my parents and brothers started visiting us. After a long exhausting day of cleaning the house and doing the laundry, I was in the kitchen cooking dinner. Everything was going great until my third older brother made a remark to my boyfriend at how I do more chores than he did and said aloud whether I was a personal maid and boyfriend should contribute more as it's "not fair for a single mom to do everything around the house while her man lazes about like her deadbeat ex."
I yelled at my brother that my boyfriend does not 'laze about' and if he really did compare him to my ex then he was being horrible. He said he didn't mean it. My son asked to be excused and left the dining room, boyfriend followed suit. I told my brother if he wasn't going to apologise, then he should leave. He eventually did.
I called mum that I was going to limit contact with my brother. Boyfriend did tell me that while he did appreciate me standing up for him, he said I should have at least told him why first. Now I felt bad because I shouldn't have cut the visit short and might have caused a rift in my family. I don't know what to do. My parents and brothers sided with me, but other relatives are divided.
AITA?
Oh, and a little FYI: I'm British, boyfriend is American. My family moved to the US when I 12.
[Update ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k1grdd/update_aita_for_yelling_at_my_brother/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
So, a lot has happened over the past month and lemme tell you I wasn't expecting what had happened afterwards, so I'll recap what followed. Turns out, my brother saw my Reddit post and called me asking me to speak to him. At first, I didn't want to, but he was still my older brother and agreed to at least hear him out.
When I saw arrived at his apartment, he looked like an emotional wreck. He said profusely apologized for the way he acted and has said he read some of the comments over and over, and slowly came to realize he said it the wrong way. He only wanted what he thought was best and begged me not to go no-contact before hugging me. He said he'd never meant to put me in a tricky situation and swore he never knew my boyfriend was depressed until he saw the original post. To me, it felt like the older brother I've known since I was a little girl had come back. In a rush, we embraced more and reconciled. Yes, my family is a tight-knit bunch. Mum, dad and my other two brothers were pleased we managed to patch things up -- which was huge weight lifted off my shoulders.
As for my boyfriend? He's been showing some improvement and promised to pick up the slack some more regarding household chores so I wouldn't be stuck dealing with it. My son still doesn't like to talk about that day, but I'm sure he'll grow past it. On Saturday the 17th of October, that was the day my world changed. My boyfriend called me over to the nearest beach by sunset and surprised me with the most beautiful ring I've ever seen. He got down on one knee and the bloody fool literally proposed to me! I was NOT expecting that, but the setting was so perfect and I do love him dearly, so I SAID YES!! We made it official in a Zoom call the following week and my family was over the moon, sending us congratulatory messages and wondering if/when the wedding preparations would begin. I invited all my brothers to help, to which they'd be more than happy to help with.
All and all, I'd say we ended things on a good note. Me and my brother have reconciled, and my boyfriend is now my fiancée. Thank you guys for your feedback and for helping us grow closer than we were before! :)
**EDIT:** I realized some of the things I've worded are being misconstrued. I'll add some clarity in the comments below.
**EDIT #2:** We agreed to do a long term engagement. | cherrydollfacee | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/k1xcl7/aita_for_yelling_at_my_brother/ | k1xcl7 | 5,659 | 209 | [
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2020-11-27T19:53:08 | 'My SO [27M] of 1 year destroyed a sentimental item of mine and sees nothing wrong with it because of the circumstances.' | r/relationships | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3u9c5i/me_24f_with_my_so_27m_of_1_year_he_destroyed_a/) by u/candlethrowaway1*
 
Didn't mean for this to get so long but it seems it has. Thank you in advance for reading.
Me - 24 female
SO - 27 male (let's call him Eugene)
My sister - female (deceased 2 years, let's call her Carrie)
Background about my sister: Two years ago, my sister was killed in a car accident. She was riding with a friend to the mall (the friend's parent was driving), and teenage boy plowed through a red light while texting on his phone and hit the car my sister, Carrie, was in. Carrie was killed instantly and her friend, June, was in a coma for 3 weeks before her parents took her off life support. When Carrie passed I was devastated and angry and just not in a good place.
Carrie and I had been extremely close. Despite a 7 year age gap between us, we enjoyed a lot of the same shows, we went to concerts together, we volunteered together, and I took it upon myself to guide Carrie like any big sister would do. Our parents were extremely busy with work most days and Carrie and I would often cook together and do crafts when we weren't too busy with school work. Carrie wanted to be a NICU nurse when she grew up and I helped her find a volunteer position at a local hospital to help get her gain some experience being around patients. In short, Carrie was my sister and best friend and when she passed, I was a mess.
The last craft Carrie and I made together was a set of candles. We bought the wax at a local craft store and we both made each other a candle and decorated the jar it was in. That was the day before she was killed. At her funeral, Carrie was buried with the candle I made her. The candle Carrie made me sits on my desk next to my favorite picture of her and I together at the beach. Or it did, until last week.
Background about my boyfriend: I met my boyfriend about a year and half ago (about 6 months after Carrie passed). I wasn't looking for a relationship; I was still grieving my sister's death. But Eugene came along and it was love at first site. He was extremely supportive, let me cry on him when I needed to, didn't push me into getting over grieving or anything. He was extremely gentleman about everything and very, very patient. After six months of seeing each other pretty regularly, we made it official.
Eugene came into my life at a very low point and he has always been very respectful of sentiments I keep from my sister. Never asking me to take them down, always giving me space when I needed to cry. Eugene, along with most, if not all, of my friends and family know about Carrie's candle. There was a point after she died where I would take the candle with me everywhere out of fear that someone might light it, or steal it, or who knows what. The point is, that candle was and still is a very important part of my life and something that my sister made for me and me alone.
When Eugene and I moved in together about 4 months ago, I packed away most of the reminders of my sister and put out the candle and picture on my desk. I felt that this was a huge step because when I'd lived just by myself I had pictures everywhere and a few knick-knacks laying around from my sister. I wanted to make Eugene and I's home our home with just a small part of my sister there. Eugene understood and was very supportive!
The Issue: Last week, we had a massive winter storm that knocked out power. We didn't have power for 3+ days. The power was knocked out at Eugene and I's house while I was at work (which did not lose power). Eugene texted me that he was going to light some candles and try and get a generator so we could have some for of power or at least be able to charge our phones/use lights/etc.
Now, we have probably 30+ candles in our house. I am a huge fan of sales and when Bath & Body Works has a candle sale, I like to stock up and get a range of scents. We have candles scattered all over our house. In the room where my desk is, there are no candles aside from the one Carrie made me. None at all and there never has been. This room is also downstairs, where Eugene doesn't spend a lot of time (his desk is upstairs).
When I arrived home from work last week, I noticed a bunch of candles burning in our living room (safely! always monitored and not near anything that could ignite). One of these candles was the candle that Carrie had made me. I burst into tears and when Eugene heard me crying he came out from the bedroom (where he was lighting more candles) and ask what was wrong.
I was a wreck and couldn't get any words out. When he tried to calm me down, I shoved past him and locked myself in the room where my desk was and just cried. I don't know how he could be so stupid. He knew and I thought he understood how sentimental the candle was and how much I cherished having a candle that my now deceased sister had spent time making with me just a day before she was killed.
I haven't been able to speak to Eugene since it happened (Tuesday of last week). He has tried to explain why he did it, because he needed candles to be able to see but I just can't wrap my head around it. He hadn't gotten into the large candle stash I have upstairs right by the living room where Carrie's candle was but went downstairs, out of the way to grab the most sentimental, cherished item I have.
The candle was burning most of the day while I was at work and is now melted and pretty much gone. I do still have the jar it was in but I can't look at it without bursting into tears.
Reddit, what do I do? Eugene says it was an accident but I just don't believe that. He said he was getting around to lighting the candle surplus we have upstairs but just hadn't gotten there yet (after being home ~6 hours alone with no power). I am heartbroken and feel like this is a major slap in the face. I feel disrespected. I feel like he disrespected my sister. I just don't know what to do. I don't feel like I can forgive him for this. Can or should I try to work past this?
tl;dr: Boyfriend burned a candle my deceased sister made for me because we were without power. We have a surplus of candles that he completely ignored. Can/should I forgive him for this? If so, how?
 
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3wsxij/update_me_24f_with_my_so_27m_of_1_year_he/)
A few people have PM'd me in recent days asking for an update so here it goes.
My original post was the day before Thanksgiving. Eugene and I had planned to spend Thanksgiving with my parents but that did not end up happening.
On my way home from work, I stopped at a local craft store to pick up supplies to make a new memorial candle for Carrie. Thank you /u/70ms for the amazing, heartfelt suggestion. My parents and I spend a day remembering Carrie and making a new candle using some of the wax from the original candle. I also ended up purchasing a locket and having some of the remaining wax from the candle put inside and the locket welded shut by a friend.
On the evening of my post, I got home and Eugene said he wanted to talk. I agreed we needed to clear the air before Thanksgiving so we sat in the living room and started to talk. I was not ready for what he told me.
A few commentors from my original post seemed to hit the nail on the head in a way. Eugene told me that when we first met, he was extremely turned on by the fact that I was essentially a damsel in distress. I just lost my sister recently, I was in a massive depression, I wasn't myself. And that turned him on both sexually and in a "protective" way.
Over the past few months, I've started to become more myself. I got promoted at my job, I've joined a cooking class and have gotten out more, and I've definitely moved away from being a damsel in distress in the eyes of Eugene.
He went on to explain that he burned the candle in hopes that it would throw me back into that phase because that is the only time he felt he was attracted to me. That's right, he is not attracted to me unless I'm upset, crying, and a damsel in distress. When I prodded for more information, he told me that every one prior to me that he had dated had either just experienced a loss or was "in need of rescuing".
Eugene told me he was no longer attracted to me. He dreaded having sex with me because he could no longer be the "hero" that was rescuing me which is what turned him on in the first place. He didn't like go in public with me because I had started to put myself together more (like not just wearing a t-shirt and jeans like I did when depressed) and that attracted the stares of other men that he saw as a threat (taking away his damsel in distress). Eugene had a whole laundry list of things he hated doing now because I wasn't in a funk anymore.
I told him if that was the case then we needed to break up. He agreed and said he would go stay with a friend until he could make new living arrangements. My name is the only one on our house and I told him I would give him 60 days to vacate the house which he agreed was fair.
Over the past few weeks, I've spent a lot of time with my parents and with close friends. I don't really feel like I've been dumped, or broke up with someone. I just feel like me.
Carrie's candle sits on my desk where the original was and I wear the locket every day. Thank you Reddit for listening. I appreciate it more than you know.
tl;dr: Ex only likes damsels in distress. We broke up. I'm happy. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/k28bhb/my_so_27m_of_1_year_destroyed_a_sentimental_item/ | k28bhb | 9,526 | 607 | [
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2020-11-28T19:13:02 | OP's boss set up a standing Zoom happy hour to boost morale, encouraging his team to grab a beer and have a chat at the end of the day. Now, the whole team has been fired for "drinking on the job," and the boss seems to be disavowing his involvement. | LegalAdviceUK | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/hgtf88/team_sacked_for_drinking_in_office_hours/) is by /u/Ran345.*
We all work from home due to CV19
Every week since lockdown our manager in a very large company (10k employees) has invited us for a Friday afternoon beer on Zoom.
We all get a cold beer from the fridge and have a chat about the week’s events.
The meetings start at 1600 and finishes at 1700 - office hours.
After this weeks meeting we all got an email from HR saying our manager had video of us drinking in office hours over several weeks and that we are being dismissed immediately for gross misconduct without notice.
One of my colleagues says when my manager poured himself a wine it was grape juice.
Our contracts do state that drinking on duty is a sackable offence!
We were clearly set up!
Is this legal?
All of us have been working for over 5 years and the company usually pays enhanced redundancy but will not pay anything now, not even notice pay!
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/hhz8v6/team_sacked_for_drinking_in_office_hours_update/)
I got a phone call from my boss over the weekend apologising!
Apparently the email was sent to all zoom users mail group within the company and it was supposed to go to only a couple of people who got very drunk and abusive - sexist and racist during a Friday afternoon drinks session. Some body parts were also waved about!
Apparently zoom meetings are not recorded but the manager where the people were being rude started to record his meeting!
I asked him if he was drinking and he says he was. I need to find out where the rumours that they were drinking apple juice cane from.
This afternoon access to works systems have been restored and there is an email form HR confirming that the original email was sent to the whole group in error and confirming that social team building alcoholic drinks are acceptable but to be wary of those in the workforce that don’t drink for health, religious or other reasons and to ensure all are included.
Don’t know what to think really and expect that this Fridays meeting will be a little on the subdued side! | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/k2tmg8/ops_boss_set_up_a_standing_zoom_happy_hour_to/ | k2tmg8 | 2,203 | 353 | [
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2020-11-29T07:15:35 | OP meets up with an old friend who excitedly invites her to her upcoming wedding and shares the news of the lovely home and horses her new fiance bought her. The problem? OP is uneasily certain that the friend is making the whole thing up. [Posted 2 years ago] | Relationships | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/92ssov/my_28f_friend_41f_announced_she_is_getting/) is by /u/amydsd.*
Wendy and I have been friends for several years. We used to live in the same city and see one another often. I knew she had a history of traumatic relationships and had hence decided not to date, but I also knew she had a pretty intense crush on a friend of a friend I had never met, James.
When I moved to another state, we stayed in touch via phone calls. She told me that her feelings for James were becoming stronger, despite the fact that they had no contact. Soon, she began telling me that they were in love but his ex-girlfriend was preventing them from being together. Because these conversations became so odd, I stopped the calls and stepped away from the friendship.
This week, I visited my former city on an impromptu trip and met up with Wendy. She told me the exciting news that her and James were finally getting married after this ex had kept them apart so long. She showed me photos of a home he bought her, of horses he bought her, and of her in a wedding dress. She told me the name of the venue and invited me. Then she dropped the bombshell that James is apparently a millionaire.
All of this seemed off to me and when I got home, my concerns mounted. Her house was not packed despite the fact she is supposedly moving imminently. Money seems tight for her, she is living in relative squalor, if she has a millionaire fiance, why isn't he helping her?
I did some digging. I found the house she showed me on Zillow, still for sale. I found the horses on a website for a local ranch that does tours. I called the venue and they told me they are unbooked on the supposed wedding date. All the available evidence tells me that she is not getting married. My gut tells me that her and James are not even in a relationship or have any contact.
I don't know what to do next. Do I confront her? Do I warn James? Are these simply lies or are they delusions and the symptom of a serious mental illness? How do I help her?
TLl;DR: My friend claims to be getting married, all evidence points to that being a lie or delusion.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/96htm9/update_my_28f_friend_41f_announced_she_is_getting/)
So after reading all the responses here, I became increasingly more concerned. A background piece not included in my original post is that all the players in this scenario are connected by a recovery community. Because of this connection, I knew the "ex", Ashley, some years ago and we were still on one another's social media. I decided to reach out and ask about James.
That evening Ashley called me and we then conferenced in James. As it turns out, he is married to another woman and they have a child. He and Ashley never dated and aren't even really friends, they simply used to chat at a large meeting that was also attended by my friend, Wendy. They believe that she saw them speaking there and created a delusion that they had dated and Ashley was now poisoning James against Wendy, all the while he was married to another woman.
Over the course of the last two years, Wendy has approached James at multiple meetings with declarations of love. He reiterated to her each time that he was married and stopped attending that meeting to avoid her. But oddly, she ended up at his meetings again and again. She approached his sponsor and friends telling them they were in love. She also approached Ashley threatening her with a restraining order because she believed Ashley was conspiring against James and her, as a couple, because they were "together" now. The second time she approached her, six months ago, Ashley called the police and made a report.
Until our conference call, Ashley and James didn't realize how they were connected and they didn't know the extent of the delusions. When I told them about the marriage date, they were very concerned. James called the police.
I called the emergency mental health line looking for help, but their only suggestion was to call the police and ask for a welfare check on Wendy, which I did. Knowing that she has no connection to James and is living in a complete delusion made me so concerned for her. Once the wedding date came and she didn't get married, what would happen? How would she mentally process that?
I was given a reference number and when I called back, was told they made contact but did not intake her since she didn't appear dangerous. Since the check, she has ignored my calls. The wedding date came and passed and I heard nothing. At this time I feel like I lost a friend, but she was already gone in these delusions and I did what I could to help.
Going forward, I hope to get updates from other people in the community that she is doing better, and hopefully abandons these delusions.
TL;DR: There was no wedding or relationship, James is a real person with no connection to Wendy, she was fully delusional.
---
**Additional comment from OP:**
He [James] said he has asked the police about it and they said since they haven't even interacted in six months (last time she showed up at one of his meetings) and she never threatened him, he can't get one.
**Final update from OP in a comment four months later:**
The update is good and bad. She ended up becoming homeless and losing all of her things. At that rock bottom, her family took her in under the condition she get help. She just started medication and we spoke recently. She's still foggy and not really too in touch with reality but she is sounding much more like her old self. I'm hopeful. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/k356pn/op_meets_up_with_an_old_friend_who_excitedly/ | k356pn | 5,665 | 475 | [
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2020-11-29T18:07:40 | OP is horrified to discover that their rental agent is pulling a Parasite and is secretly living in their house. As an extra fun bonus, this stowaway is flouting basic Covid precautions, while the rest of the household is being extremely cautious. | LegalAdviceUK | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/h9cqwo/letting_agent_secretly_living_in_my_house/) is by /u/sdeeps.*
So yesterday we found out that our middle aged letting agent has been hiding in the small spare room of our terraced house for 2 days.
He came over unannounced to ‘inspect’ the house as our landlords have decided to manage the property themselves. We assumed he’d left and saw the small spare room door was locked with the light left on, we don’t have keys for that room so couldn’t turn it off. I texted asking him to come and turn the light off and he admitted that he was here in the house!
After we confronted him, he proceeded to lie and say ‘he’d informed us all that he was staying here for a few days’. None of us had any clue! He said he’s planning on living here on a permanent basis and has signed a contract and paid deposit etc etc. Our landlords are our neighbours and they said that’s not true....
The landlords said they think he should leave and hand over his keys. Thankfully, he did. However, he’s locked the door to the spare room again and we suspect he has another set of keys...
I got a ladder and looked through the window and all his stuff is still there; stale uncovered croissants, clothes, alcohol, grooming products and something that looks disturbingly like a fleshlight amongst the detritus.
I’ve rung the council and the police non emergency number and it’s turning out to be a complex problem. It’s not a council house so it’s down to the landlords to act upon it. One other aspect is Covid-19; the sneaky bastard told us he travelled into London on public transport, when I probed him on it he couldn’t even tell me what precautions he took against the virus. We have all been careful and abided by the government guidelines and it’s scared everyone having this rando creep in the house!
What can I do?
**Additional context from comments:**
That’s the thing though this guy WAS the letting agent. The landlords have decided to manage the property themselves so this guy is just a complete random at this point.
I asked if he needed help, I offered to get him a cheap air bnb for the night at least and he said he doesn’t have the money. Even more baffling as he’s adamant he’s paid a deposit etc here (landlords deny this).
I’m a 30y/o man and I live with 2 women in their early 20’s. They’re absolutely beside themselves.
---
**UPDATE**
So the landlords have spoken to him and he’s coming to collect his sordid arrangement of paraphernalia sometime soon. By the sounds of it he knows it’s impossible to be here without a contract.
We’ve got some hard Albanian neighbours who’re waiting to step in if it gets ugly. Happy days! | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/k3e26w/op_is_horrified_to_discover_that_their_rental/ | k3e26w | 2,732 | 296 | [
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2020-11-30T05:38:03 | OP and his girlfriend have an argument about whether to get a new dog, and in a stunning escalation, the girlfriend retaliates by kidnapping OP's children (whom, to be clear, she has no relation to). [Posted 6 months ago] | LegalAdviceUK | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/gop6g3/girlfriend_has_taken_children_only_thing_is/) is by /u/CertainQuestion2.*
Hi there, in a bit of a bad situation right now what with the big blank on at the moment. Okay so basically me and my girlfriend have been going through a really big rough patch recently over a dog of all things. Bit of backstory our current dog was sold to us as a cross between a Jack Russel and a pug (A puggle if you will) but it turns out she's not one but is a cross between a pug and some sort of mystery dog and to make things worse we insisted on raising it 'free range' so that meant no leads, letting it go where it wanted when it wanted and leaving a bag of food out so it could eat when it felt like it. The aftermath is a very unsociable, angry and fat pug with joint problems that thinks it owns the world and has another year at best. My girlfriend is adamant she wants another dog and we've been arguing over what type (As she wants from the same dodgy breeder). Well last night it finally reached a breaking point when she announced that she's already contacted him and got us a deposit for one and that we're naming it 'Queenie'. Frankly fed up I said that's fine but it isn't coming inside the house, ever. A massive row ensued and I spent the night in the shed.
This morning come inside to find gf and kids gone with a note saying that the relationship can't go on anymore and said for me to not try and find her. Immediately rang our social worker who confirmed that they're 'all fine' and for their own safety they won't be telling me where they've gone. Pointed out that they're not actually her kids and was promptly hung up on. Tried contacting my ex (We have a cordial relationship, will explain in one sec) but she's been on voicemail all day. Contacted 101 who said there was nothing the police could do and to contact our social worker.
Okay so now here's the part I really need to explain, the kids are not my gfs, she's only their stepmum. For a bit of backstory there are two kids, one is 8, the other 6. Their real mum (And my ex) was always very unsure about having kids but was constantly talked out of getting sterilised and we ending up having two by accident. She does love them but felt she'd never be able to be a 'real mother' to them and her relationship is more akin to a big sister or a best friend. They get on really well but like I said, there's no real maternal affection and she didn't feel that married life was suited for her. We came to a cordial agreement and split shortly after our second was born. So yeah that's why I'm really horrified by this situation, they don't see my now ex-gf as their mother and when I looked in their rooms I noticed they hadn't taken their phones or ipads or anything, just school work and some clothes.
Is there anything I can do? Social worker won't talk to me and the police aren't getting involved. I've never been in a situation like this before and I honestly don't even know how to process this.
**Mini update:** Hello everyone, just wanted to thank everyone who's given me advice. I finally managed to speak with my ex-wife and she's with me at the moment. Complete news to her and she's utterly fuming. We've contacted the police again (On 101 might I add) and were fobbed off again (Mother isn't "involved", something she took offence at, and the social worker is handling things so no reason to be concerned). Ex-wife is both livid and deeply upset as there is a woman out there running around with our kids and she feels as though she's to blame. Also I checked and the passports are still here. Tried contacting her parents (Who I get on with) and they were blindsided by it too.
Mini update 2: Thank you everyone for being so supportive and helpful. Today has quite possibly been the worst day of my life and when I found that note I thought that was it. But you've all been so good and ex-wife is ringing 999 now. Will keep you all updated.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/gp8yfo/update_girlfriend_has_taken_children_only_thing/)
Hello all, seems I created a bit of a big scare, for good reason. For all of those who I was off my head, on drugs, etc. (You know who you are) well guess I was in shock.
Anyway not really much to say, ex-wife rang up 999, was a bit economical with the truth (Said woman had kidnapped her children pretty much), police get involved straight away and they're safe home now. Ex-gf is obviously in deep shit. As for the social worker, it seems that gf was telling people I was abusive, was on drugs 24/7, addicted to masturbating, etc. basically everything to make me seem utterly awful though apparently she's still in trouble. If you want to DM me about how awful of a person I am then don't bother as I won't be checking this account again. Big thanks to everyone who helped, and from now on going to not let the kids out of my site. Peace. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/k3pr4k/op_and_his_girlfriend_have_an_argument_about/ | k3pr4k | 4,981 | 325 | [
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2020-11-30T16:27:35 | OP's husband and friends pee on her, husband is surprised his super funny joke made her angry, Op makes good on "apologize or divorce" ultimatum | null | [My \(25f\) husband and two friends \(all 25\) peed in the hot-tub when I was sitting in it with them last night. I feel so disrespected and grossed out but he keeps saying "you're making WAY too big a deal of this."](https://old.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/k1mq17/my_25f_husband_and_two_friends_all_25_peed_in_the/)
Last night we did a small friendsgiving at my husbands parent's house who are out of town. It was mainly centered around his boyhood social circle, most of whom still have family that live in the neighborhood.
After we got done eating, a few of us decided that it would be nice to relax in the hot-tub and look at the lights of the city. We had been in maybe 5 minutes and my husband said "everyone ready?" his two friends gave a thumbs up and the in succession they each said "done." My husbands friend Sachim said done last and they all started laughing and the other two said "ok, we'll buy the next round." It was an obvious inside joke so I asked what they meant and they started laughing and explained the "hot tub pee game" that they had been playing since they were like 5 years old. I wanted to throw up and asked if they serioulsy all just peed in the hot tub. My husband said yes and it's no big deal. I was disgusted so I got out took an hour long shower and went to sleep in his sisters old bedroom and decided I didn't want to talk to him until today.
Today I feel like I've calmly approached him and tried to explain how dirty he made me feel, how unsanitary it was and how, while I appreciate that he has these long running rituals with his friends, he needs to stop the ones that would make him laugh in middle school and for certain leave me out of them.
All he keeps telling me is "relax, you are making WAYYYYY to big a deal of this."
I am sick of hearing him make excuses for this disgusting and childish behavior. How do I approach him to make him appreciate I need him to never do this again?
[***UPDATE***](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/k3xsix/update_i_posted_the_other_day_about_my_husband/)
I posted about this on Friday morning. We spend all day Friday fighting about how not only was it disrespectful but that he refused to even acknowledge my issues with literally being pee'd on.
Around 10pm I told him that if he said "you're making way to big a deal of this" one more time, I was going to file for divorce. He said it almost like he was daring me.
TL:DR: My mom and I are going to talk to an attorney today. My dad is a partner in his accounting firm and he thinks that since we are young and don't really have much, the divorce should be very quick and simple. My STBX husband has tried to called god knows how many times to apologize and saying he gets it now but it's way too late for that. It was too late for that when he and his friends did the initial act. I have more self respect than that. | -bonita_applebum | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/k3z4cr/ops_husband_and_friends_pee_on_her_husband_is/ | k3z4cr | 2,896 | 553 | [
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2020-11-30T17:25:35 | OP hands over an irreplaceable VHS of their now deceased grandfather to a digitizing service shop--right before finding out that the shop may be some kind of weird front, and that the tape may be lost forever. The shop is now refusing to return the tape. | LegalAdviceUK | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/i8xo8i/i_sent_the_only_footage_of_my_grandfather_who/) is by /u/Saul_H.*
(NORTH WEST ENGLAND)
I went on 30/07/2020 (exactly two weeks ago), explained what I wanted, they gave me a hand-written receipt which I still have, told me to come back on Saturday, and I left.
I went back on the Saturday at 15:00 but they were just locking up, so they told me to come back on Tuesday. I went back on Tuesday morning around 10:00 but it was closed, and again around 12:30 but it was closed again. I also went the day after at around 13:00 but it was closed a third time.
In between then and now, I looked to see if it has any online presence, it doesn’t have a website but it comes up when you google it, and it currently has 3 reviews, all 1 star, and all explaining in great detail how they damaged/lost/EXPLICITLY threw away items that had been sent in for repair. I talked to the man who owned the shop next door after this, and he advised that I don’t go in their shop (little did he know it was already too late for that), as they’re hardly ever open and when they are they spend all of their time arguing with customers.
Anyway. I finally got there this morning, Thursday, and it was open. I handed them my receipt, and explained that I didn’t even care about the USB anymore, I just wanted my video back, they’re very important to me. They insisted they didn’t have it, because it was “in the lab”, whatever that means, and told me to come back on Friday. Everything about it is suspicious, it doesn’t have any obvious opening or closing times, they just seem to open if and when they want to (which is rarely). I’m worried that they have damaged and/or lost my video and simply aren’t telling me, it has great sentimental value to me and I just want it back. If they keep saying “it isn’t ready yet, come back on X-day” without ever actually giving it me back, does it count as theft? What can I do? It’s hard communicating with them sometimes because they speak quite broken English, and the whole situation, along with grieving, is getting to me.
Thank you.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/iabmoa/update_i_sent_the_only_footage_of_my_grandfather/)
Last time I went in they told me it still wasn’t ready and to come back on Friday (yesterday), and so I went back but it was, unsurprisingly, closed. I went today, Saturday, this time with my mum as my backup. We told the woman behind the counter that we wanted our VHS back, she still tried to insist that it wasn’t ready, and that she couldn’t give it back. We mentioned that this was the seventh time we had been now, each time being assured it would be ready, and (paraphrasing here) that this was the last straw. Eventually she gave in and got the tape for us- she hadn’t even began to get it converted, whether that was by sending it off or otherwise, it was still in the small back room they had. We even got our money back!
So! No USB, but we DO have the VHS back, which is a relief.
Thank you to everyone who offered advice and even offered to convert the footage for us, you are all very kind. We’re going to have a think about it and (carefully) evaluate what to do next.
You have all been wonderful, Thank you | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/k40d0j/op_hands_over_an_irreplaceable_vhs_of_their_now/ | k40d0j | 3,302 | 123 | [
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2020-11-30T20:26:59 | I (16f) don't want to live with my dad/step family anymore because my step-brother (16m) has been perving on me and I feel uncomfortable. I still don't know what to do/say. | Relationship_Advice | OP: [u/ThrowRA-Messiness](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRA-Messiness/)
I wasn't sure whether to post my story/question here or at 'am-i the b-hole', I ended up going there but they said my problem was too big for that sub and to come here. So here I am. Okay uh, backstory I guess.
Uh I met "Mike" when we both started middle school. He's had a crush on me since I could remember and didn't try to hide it. It was a running joke with friends/classmates that he was 'in love' with me because he would constantly buy me snacks/drinks, pay for my lunch before I could, give me tons of gifts on Valentine's Day like stuffed animals and flowers, and generally take any chance he could to be close to me. He'd regularly ask me out at least once every week or so. It made me uncomfortable but I just kept politely telling him no, I wasn't interested in dating him or any other guys. (i found out that was because i'm a lesbian).
Well some time before I was 14 my dad told me he'd been seeing a nice lady for a while and they'd hit it off and were going to be getting married. This was pretty shocking (the marriage part, not the dating part. my dad's not super subtle) but I was happy for him, he'd been pretty down since he and mom separated when I was 10. I'd been living with both mom and dad 50/50 until my last years of elementary school when mom had to move for work. I got along better with dad so I stayed with him so I wouldn't have to move. I still see mom every summer tho.
So before I'd turned 14 dad's fiancé (Abby) moved into our house with her son. **Her son MIKE.** Dad said she had a kid my age but he'd never said it was Mike and now he and I were forced to live together. Mike was beyond happy that we lived together and took every chance to be around me constantly, the only place I'm safe from him is my bedroom because there's a lock. He constantly wanted to 'hang out as new step-siblings' but everything he wanted to do was date/couple stuff. Going to the movies, getting food alone, studying alone, etc. It was mentally exhausting being around him almost 24 hours a day. And whenever I'd refuse to sit by him, or 'hang out' with him, or play nice with him his mom would gripe to my dad that I was being argumentative and rude.
This led to my dad talking to me like the problem was with me. He'd tell me blended families were tough to navigate but me being difficult wasn't making things easier. He said if Mike was willing to try to build a bond then I should be too. Then I'd be forced to sit by Mike while we watched movies together as a 'family' and it made me feel crazy.
Well not too much later I happened to catch Mike talking on mic with his online game friends and he was talking about me and how we were both 'basically dating' and it made me so mad. I stormed into his room and yelled at him that we weren't dating and he was creepy to keep trying to date me after I told him no 100 times on top of us being step-siblings now. I thought he'd muted his mic but I was wrong because his friends all started laughing at him and one called him sick and he yelled at me to get out. I did and things got easier after that. He'd stopped hanging off me all the time and left me alone. Things were easier, nicer at home and I was happy.
But then some time after I turned 14 and our parents were married those gross ***"what are you doing step-bro"*** memes got really popular (i guess) and Mike found them and all his creepy behavior came back but worse. He sent me some messages of the 'memes' and said they were 'lol so funny' and wouldn't stop bringing them up. He refused to call me anything besides 'step-sis' and told me to only call him 'step-bro', he wouldn't respond to anything else. Living with him became unbearable. He'd be creepily flirty and say gross suggestive stuff to me when our parents weren't home. He'd also put stuff on high shelves so I would have to stretch to reach, or put stuff of mine in weird places like inside the dryer/washing machine or similar places. I felt like I was living in hell.
Then we were all stuck at home together (u kno why) and it wasn't so bad. He's not overly gross or obnoxious when dad or Abby are around so it was a temporary peace. But then dad had to go back to work when stuff sorta chilled out and Abby was still working from home but she was in her office all day so I may as well have been alone with Mike all the time. I've been locking myself in my bedroom all day since that's the only time I get to not deal with Mike.
At the start of this year I began dating my gf Kat and I eventually told her about Mike, all the weird shit he does, his creepy behavior, the 'step-bro' meme, everything (she knew about him being into me from school) and she said I should ask reddit and then I went to that other sub but now I'm here.
I wanna go live with my aunt (she said I could stay with her but I haven't told her why exactly I want to leave yet) and I know I need to tell her WHY I'm so desperate to leave home but it's so EMBARRASSING. I don't think I can just come out and say my step brother is perving on me, has been for like 2 years by now. How do you talk to an adult about weird porno references, step-sibling fetishes, harassment, etc???
But I have to tell her. And I'm hoping once she knows she can help me tell dad and Abby. I'm dreading telling my aunt. There's no way I'd be able to talk to my dad or Abby alone about this crap. I'm just not sure how to BEGIN.
Anyone got any solid advice? I'm stuck and uncomfortable and don't know how to take the next step.
**Hey everyone! Been a while since I made my post and I followed the different advice from a lot of users on this sub, am-i-the-bhole, and fem-dating-strat and it caused a LOT of drama at home but now I'm finally able to breath and can tell everyone what happened. It's a lot but I'll try to make it sound clear and not as batshit as it felt going thru it. <3**
Kay so, first things first I'll give a quick list of what happened. And give details after if anyone is interested. So...
1. I downloaded a recording app onto my phone because people said getting recordings of Mike saying the gross stuff he says to me when we're alone was super important. Having solid proof was big because without it Mike could say I was lying. So I did and always kept my phone on me and recording when I left my room for food/drinks since that was the only time I was by myself with him.
2. People suggested I start getting evidence about his long term behavior towards me. I talked to friends and people I've known since middle school and asked them to write down what they remembered of Mike and how he acted towards me. Most of it was how he'd follow me around all the time, buy/give me stuff all the time, ask me out weekly, and more. I printed them out and kept them in a folder under my mattress.
3. Two days after downloading recording app I got a full argument between him and I on tape where he says a lot of nasty stuff to me. Including making gross comments about me being bent over, him calling me 'step-sis' in that pervy way and laughing at me after I told him to stop. Saying he knows I 'loved it' and I should be grateful anyone was paying me any attention and calling me a cunt, stupid, a bitch, and more after I told him I was in a relationship. This was before Abby came in and broke it up. I'm glad she showed up cuz he was getting too close and being aggressive after I said I was dating somebody.
4. Told dad I wanted to hang out and have a 'girls weekend' with my Aunt and he agreed but I feel like he just wanted some peace and quiet but I got to go so whatever. I made sure to pack all my evidence and anything I'd need for a week or more since idk when I'd go home after I told my mom and Aunt. (did this trick with a rubber door stopper and a bent hanger to keep my door stuck closed after I was gone) Got to Aunt's place and asked her if I could talk to her and my mom on Zoom about something really important. She looked worried and said sure.
5. Got mom on a Zoom call and sat down with Aunt (her gf went out shopping to give us some privacy which was cool). I told them everything about me and Mike, from all the way back when we were still in middle school. The gifts, the following, the asking me out, everything. My mom looked horrified and asked why I never told her or an adult. I said I told a teacher but she said Mike just had a little crush and said for me not to hurt his feelings too much so I just kept telling him no as nice as I could.
6. Mom and Aunt were very mad, even before I showed them the stuff people I went to school with/am still friends with wrote about him. But when I sent mom the recording and let my Aunt listen to the one on my phone Mom wanted to call the cops. Aunt told her they needed to talk to my dad and his wife first cuz there's obviously something wrong with Mike mentally and they need to know before he attacks some other girl. Mom wasn't happy but agreed but said I'm not going back to dad's house after this. Not for a long long time. I was glad tbh.
7. Mom called dad the next day and told him they (her, him, and abby) needed to talk about me and Mike and it was important. Dad said he felt the same (which was weird) and Aunt invited them over to her place since I was already here. They all showed up the next day and mom was on Zoom and said we needed to talk about the inappropriate behavior going on and Abby cut in and said 'yes it's time we all acknowledge the elephant in the room, OP's piss poor behavior'. And she went on to talk about how I was intentionally making cutting remarks towards her son, how I was being cruel and treating him like a stranger despite us living together for 'so many years', and how he came to her practically in tears because I told him he was worthless.
8. My mom lit into Abby, told her she didn't know if she was just 'naturally this stupid and blind or if u had to work at it', and then told her that her son was the one being inappropriate and then asked my Aunt to read out all the testimonies from our classmates over the years. Aunt did and each letter made Abby more mad and dad look more disturbed. Mike looked like he was trying not to freak out. Abby dismissed all the letters by saying I'd bribed all my friends to say that stuff. That is when things went absolutely apeshit. Aunt explained to them what the 'step-bro' meme was and where it came from... how it was from r\*pe porn..
9. Then my Aunt played the recording I got of me and Mike the day before... Abby looked like someone killed her cat right in front of her and Mike looked like he lost all the blood in his face. Dad looked mad and also sick. After that it was a lot of screaming, mostly from dad and Abby. Abby, to her small credit, slapped Mike so hard he fell off the couch. I didn't expect that tbh, cuz she's never ever hit Mike or anyone ever that I've known her. I expected her to play it off like he'd been joking but she really smacked him right out of his seat. Mike was crying and saying stuff nobody could understand and Abby was just verbally shredding him like old TP.
10. Dad said he was sorry to me, which I said was nice but I can't forgive him yet. I told him he made me feel crazy, like what Mike was doing wasn't a real problem or like it wasn't happening and I told him living with Mike, with him being this way towards me for years, made me hate his house. I didn't feel safe there anymore, I probably won't ever again. I cried and my mom said I'm not going back to his house for the foreseeable future and dad cried.
11. My Aunt and dad helped me move all my stuff out of my old room and into the guest room in my Aunt's place. Her gf is cool with me staying however long. Mom and my Aunt got me into online therapy and I've only had one session so far but I'm hoping it'll help. Mom says it will so fingers crossed.
12. I haven't heard what happened to Mike besides the fact that he's in a lot of trouble and they're putting him in therapy to deal with whatever the hell he's got going on. I will never forget Abby yelling that she did not raise some sick sexual deviant and he'd get help or else. We called the cops and filed a report but they said we won't press charges if he gets help but there's gonna be a paper trail in case the therapy doesn't work (idk how that police stuff works but thats what mom said from what i understood).
**That's about it so far. I'm staying with my Aunt and her gf, I'm not stuck in my room all day! Which is awesome! I've started doing yoga with my Aunt's gf, which is harder than it looks. Idk how long I'll stay with my Aunt, mom wants me to stay with her but I said I don't wanna leave here yet since I'd have to leave all my friends and gf (mom knows i'm gay) so mom said I can stay with my Aunt for now. Not sure what's gonna happen next but so far things are better than before so I'm staying positive!**
**Thanks everyone who helped me with advice and gave me the pep talks to have the weird convos with my folks. Love u guys! <3** | cherry5462 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/k44eky/i_16f_dont_want_to_live_with_my_dadstep_family/ | k44eky | 13,054 | 569 | [
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2020-12-01T17:47:07 | OP's 17-year-old sister ran away from home, but OP's parents are dragging their feet on calling the police. OP is worried sick and asks reddit for help on what to do next. [Posted a year ago] | RBI | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/RBI/comments/cpqqex/reddit_please_help/) is by /u/glogirl1896.*
My 17 year old sister ran away with her 16 year old boyfriend tonight. They have both turned off their phones. My parents are worried sick. They are both in the vicinity of Covina, CA. I’m currently in WV and my dad is in MD so we are completely distraught that we can’t be home to look for her. I keep telling my parents to call the police but they are uncertain and just hoping she comes home. She left at around 5PM on 8/12/19. What can I do? I want to call the police but can they even do anything? Please I’m desperate to find my sister. What should my next step be. I’m worried about her safety. Is there any way to find her without calling the police or is that our only option left?
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/RBI/comments/cqc2e4/update_my_17_year_old_sister_has_been_found/)
Firstly I would like to thank the RBI for all of their helpful suggestions and support. Not to sound corny, but it really meant a lot to me. To have complete strangers PM me and offer advice and even help made me feel less alone during those dark times. I’m really grateful for a community like this. In the future I plan to reciprocate the support I received.
So the boyfriend was hiding her. It all happened so fast sorry if this breakdown is rambling sorry. I have a huge family (8 aunts and 2 uncles on my moms side alone) and once we alerted them they all immediately mobilized. We had about 5 people watching his house for any activity, 2 at the bank trying to get into my sisters account and 3 helping my mom cope. It was really crazy. They were threatening (in a civil manner..) his family with contacting the news and picketing at the moms work!!! Lmao. My oldest aunt was even recording everything and everyone coming in and out of the bf’s house and sending minute by minute updates lol. But even with all of that pressure they still would not budge or provide any answers (i.e. IF SHE UBERED WHERE WAS SHE DROPPED OFF). My sister’s friends showed up and asked to search the bf’s house and he still said no. That really made us fear the worst. Come night time my aunts dispersed at the cops orders and we all went home feeling somewhat defeated. Then, my sister just showed up at my grandma’s house on my dad’s side. My grandma said she was in really bad shape and wouldn’t say much. We are all grateful that she is ok but still have so many questions. She won’t say what happened to her (which is scary :() and has been pretty silent ever since. My grandma said when she arrived there she just fell into my grandma’s arms crying uncontrollably. Our best guess is that he tried to brainwash her into living with him and once we made it clear we were not gonna give up on her he got scared and sent her in an Uber to my grandma’s. The phone she had has still not been turned on at all so it’s likely the bf broke that phone in an attempt to keep my sister with him. The detective is going to meet with my mom later to discuss things and see what, if any, charges can be applied to the bf and his mom. My sister will be needed for that part but she is reportedly not in any shape to do that just yet. I’m just grateful she is alive. Thanks reddit. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/k4pwc3/ops_17yearold_sister_ran_away_from_home_but_ops/ | k4pwc3 | 3,288 | 344 | [
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2020-12-02T10:01:13 | OP's boyfriend [M22] started crying during sex. He didn't tell her [F20] why and fell asleep in her arms. | null | *This is a repost.* [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/k4k7ho/my_boyfriend_m22_started_crying_during_sex_he/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) is by [u/throwawayrawhatttodo](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwawayrawhatttodo/)
My boyfriend and I went for a walk after dinner. We came home and started making out which lead to sex. He came and I noticed he wasn't making eye contact anymore and started tearing up. I asked him if he's ok and he said nothing. I asked him if I did something which hurt him, he said no. Then he just leaned in and hugged me really tight and wouldn't let go. I just ran my hand through his hair and patted his back and hold him "I'm here, I love you, everything's ok." I don't know what happened. We've been together for 2 years.
I got him water and then we just cuddled. He fell asleep in my arms. It's currently 4am and I just whispered to him "I'm right here, I'm just going to the washroom."
I'm worried somethings wrong. I thought I should hop on here and ask for advice. Should I wait until he brings it up or ask him in the morning? Could it be cause of school? We both have finals next week and have been stressed out but I don't know if guys cry during sex because of that.
&#x200B;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/k545ur/update_my_boyfriend_m22_started_crying_during_sex/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
***he's currently showering and I'm waiting for our food to arrive so I thought I'd write an update quickly since many people have been messaging me***
We woke up around 6am which we usually do because we have class starting 8:30. I didn't wanna pressure him into telling me anything so I just asked how he was feeling. He said "i'm good babe, I love you, thank you for being here" and gave me a kiss, so I left it there.
We went for a run since we both play on our uni teams so we work out every morning. We then came home, showered, and had breakfast quickly before our first lecture. I tried to stay near him the whole day, in case he needed me. Good thing was we both finished classes by 1:30. I asked him if he wanted to do something later, he suggested we could go look at the lights up a bit north from us. I was excited and he asked me to dress nice for pictures and perhaps wear a dress.
It was around 4 at this point and he told me he's not in the mood anymore. So I told him not to worry about it and that we could just hangout at home. He asked me if I could go to the post office and grab his order and since I was already ready, I said yeah sure why not. Me being me, I ended up going to timmy's to grab iced capps, (yes we're Canadian lol) thinking we'll be studying late tonight.
Well, guess what y'all! I came home around 5:30 to the whole living room area decorated. He had balloons up and candles lit!! My mouth dropped. He had a bouquet of flowers for me, and the playlist he made me, playing in the back. I was smiling hella hard but confused as well. He twirled me around a few times and walked me over to where we have our Christmas tree up and said I have something to say.
I WAS DYING INSIDE AT THIS VERY MOMENT. He held my hand and kissed it, and walked me out to the balcony and said "baby, I wanna say something here under the stars." He told me how much he loves me. He even had a letter written out for me. He then told me why he cried last night. He said "I was just so close to you and it felt really good. I've never felt anything like this before. I started thinking about how much I love you and how close we've become. I can't believe it's possible to have such a strong connection with someone and love them so much." He then went on to say how he never wants to lose me and thanked me for how I took care of him last night. He also said, "in that moment everything was so intense, I wasn't able to look at you and express myself. I just wanted you in my arms, close to me. I felt at home. I felt like I finally have everything I've ever wanted."
And then he pulled out a ring. He gave me a promise ring!!! Let's just say I bawled my eyes out through it all.
I love this man so much. He told me how he bought the ring and ordered the gifts last month. He said he was planning to give me a promise ring from a few months now but was looking for the right time. And yesterday when all that happened he knew this was it. And luckily, the gifts had just come in on Friday night but he hadn't gone to pick them up.
He said he was sorry for telling me we'll go look at lights because he wanted me to look cute. But let's be honest does a girl care when her man does all this!? Anyway! He did get us tickets for tomorrow night and we're gonna go. He was planning for us to go after this but wanted to stay home :)
I couldn't respond to comments but I read each and every single one so thank you everyone! I did see a quite a lot of comments about cheating. That wasn't something that crossed my mind. I love him so much and I know he would never do that. The other thing I saw was this being about race (can't remember if it was this sub or the other). We're both born and raised in Canada but I'm Indian and he's Italian. Don't really know how it comes in to play but there you go. Also I did see a thread about the PS5, don't worry boys, I already have him secured for Christmas ;)
I can't believe someone loves me this much. I always wanted my fairytale. I'm glad he's my first and makes me feel this way. God, he was so romantic today. He's so cute and perfect. I love him so much.
TLDR: He loves me a lot and got me a promise ring.
EDIT 1: I forgot to mention! The order I went to pick up was a gift for me. He got me a golden retriever plushie with his heart beat recorded and a star map of the night we met🥺
We also talked about it and I wanna get him a promise ring as well so we're gonna go this weekend! I'm so happy
EDIT 2: Those who messaged me, thank you! I tried reading everyone's messages but couldn't respond. Don't worry, I will be responding. Also, thank you for the rewards. I wasn't expecting so many people to read the last post.
Stay safe everyone!🙏🏼❤ | theelusiveme | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/k56jzo/ops_boyfriend_m22_started_crying_during_sex_he/ | k56jzo | 6,153 | 312 | [
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2020-12-02T12:50:51 | I am so glad I found this subreddit. | META | A long time ago (2015 to be precise), I had a time where I did literally nothing but browse /r/relationships and /r/relationship_advice and just soaked in the drama.
However I realized how fucking depressing all of it was, I couldn't take all the heartwrenching and cheating posts anymore and swore to block those subreddits and never visit them again.
And I did it. For years.
And now I've found a subreddit that not only describes what the posts are about before I enter the subreddit, but the awesome people on here also post the content into their own thread so we don't have to leave this subreddit and enter the snakes nest.
I do need to chill out though, I've definitly read too much on here and I feel it affecting my mood already lol.
Appreciate all your OPs works though! | HalloBitteSchoen | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/k58n20/i_am_so_glad_i_found_this_subreddit/ | k58n20 | 786 | 124 | [
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2020-12-02T16:43:13 | OP’s spicy food got stolen from the work fridge. Thief gets sick and blames OP. HR gets involved. | Other | Note: this isn’t technically a Reddit update but I had found this post through Reddit. It’s also one of my favorite updates so I thought I would share! It’s from the site Ask A Manager.
[A reader writes:](https://www.askamanager.org/2016/07/a-coworker-stole-my-spicy-food-got-sick-and-is-blaming-me.html):
We have a fridge at work. Up to this point, nothing I had in it was stolen (I am quite new, and others have told me that this was a problem).
My food is always really, really spicy. I just love it that way. Anyway, I was sitting at my desk when my coworker came running out, having a hard time breathing. He then ran into the bathroom and started being sick. Turns out he ate my clearly labeled lunch. (It also was in a cooler lunch box to keeps it cold from work to home, as it’s a long drive.) There was nothing different about my lunch that day. In fact, it was just the leftovers from my dinner the night before.
Fast forward a day and my boss comes in asking if I tried to poison this person. Of course I denied that I had done so. I even took out my current day’s lunch and let my boss taste a bit (he was blown away by how spicy it was even though he only took a small bite). I then proceeded to eat several spoonfuls to prove I could eat it with no problem. He said not to worry, and that it was clear to him that I didn’t mean any harm, my coworker shouldn’t have been eating my food, etc. etc. I thought the issue was over.
A week later, I got called up to HR for an investigation, claiming that I did in fact try to do harm to this person and this investigation is still ongoing. What confuses me is there was nothing said about this guy trying to steal my lunch. When I brought it up, they said something along the lines of “We cannot prove he stole anything.” I am confused at this. I thought the proof would be clear.
My boss is on my side, but HR seem to be trying to string me up. Their behavior is quite aggressive. Even if my boss backs me up, they just ignore everything he says. (As in, he would say “That’s clearly not the case” and the HR lady wouldn’t even look in his direction and continued talking.)
On top of this, HR claims that it would be well within said coworker’s rights to try and sue me. The way it was said seemed to suggest that they suggested this to him as a course of action.
How can someone be caught stealing my lunch and then turn around and say I was in the wrong? I don’t understand it at all! I don’t know what to do, I am afraid that I will loose my job over this. Is there any advice you can give me?
ASK A MANAGER RESPONSE:
You are allowed to enjoy a unusually high level of spiciness (and as a fellow spice enthusiast, I commend you for it). You are not required to make sure that your own personal lunch doesn’t contain anything that might offend a coworker’s palate, as your coworkers should not be eating your food without any invitation.
The only way their stance could possibly make sense is if they’re alleging that it wasn’t your lunch at all, and that it belonged to your coworker and you secretly dumped a toxic level of spice into it. Is that what they’re saying? Because otherwise this is bizarrely illogical. And what’s your coworker saying in all of this? Is he trying to claim that it was his lunch all along?
In any case, I think the way to handle this is to go a bit on the offensive, which is warranted based on how aggressive HR is being. I’d go back to them — possibly to the boss of the person you spoke with earlier if that’s an option — and say this: “I’m extremely concerned by what’s been said about this. The food in question was my personal lunch, brought in for me and me only. The spiciness of my food shouldn’t be anyone’s concern, and I’m distressed that I’m being accused of in any way intending harm toward someone else because of what I pack in my personal lunch. I take my professional reputation very seriously, and I’m concerned that this bizarre story is impacting it. I’d like your assurance that the company does not intend to penalize me for eating spicy food at lunch.” I’d also put a similar message in writing and email it to them “to document our conversation from earlier today.”
Sometimes ridiculous people back down when they see that you take standing up for yourself seriously.
I’d also ask your boss what the hell he thinks is going on. Does he think you have anything to worry about? If he’s confident that you don’t (and if his judgment is usually pretty good), then I suppose you can just let HR’s weird spiciness policing play out and ignore it as best you can.
Your company’s HR is terrible.*
[UPDATE](https://www.askamanager.org/2016/10/update-a-coworker-stole-my-spicy-food-got-sick-and-is-blaming-me.html):
I ended up being fired by HR, as she said there was enough of a case to get rid of me before the top boss came back. I consulted a lawyer who sent a letter to the company informing them that I was considering legal action. The letter contained the reasons for doing so and an account of what happened.
One week later, I got a call from the guy who owns the company asking me to come back, with an apology. Both the HR woman and the thief have been “let go.” He also gave me a very generous raise, I assume to gloss everything over. I accepted and am now back at work.
As much as I hate to go based on office talk, it seemed that the HR woman and the food thief may have been romantically involved. They were seen a lot outside work together, etc. So I assume it was her protecting him. She may have even believed him and thought I was trying to frame him or something, who knows. I doubt I will get an answer now.
Right now I’m working in the previous position with almost double my paycheck, so it’s a great turnaround. The boss also opened more doors for me, offering different training courses that I’ll be paid for. It’s obviously to keep me happy and stop me from taking any legal action, but what more could I ask for? Something unreasonable happened and it’s been more than corrected. I’d have been happy with just having my job back.
I’d rather have not gone though the whole thing at all though. I just hope I never have to experience this kind of thing again. I don’t really have a support group so was on the edge of losing my apartment etc. Anyway, thanks for the advice. I had nowhere to turn! | Bunch_of_Nerds | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/k5cspt/ops_spicy_food_got_stolen_from_the_work_fridge/ | k5cspt | 6,343 | 740 | [
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2020-12-03T06:46:16 | OP is an epic storyteller, relaying to reddit his friend's "Do you know who I am?" and "You're fired" experience. [Posted over a year ago, last update 8/2020] | IDontWorkHereLady | I did not see this one posted after searching a bit so I apologize if I missed it and the story was previously posted; the story though has the hallmarks of a true epic. OP's wit and method of relaying to Reddit his friend's experience (live updates at the time) made this story one . I have to apologize in advance, due to the length and numerous updates spanning multiple posts, that all I am doing is providing a link to the original post and poster. I, like many others here, prefer the copy-paste, but it simply is not possible.
For those that need this, TW: >!Death!<
Also, >!I think this story highlights the double-edge sword for searching and yearning for updates. Sometimes the update is neither the one we thought we would get nor the one that is deserved, but rather the one that just simply becomes our reality.!< Such is life.
["Do you know who I am" and "you're fired" until they realised their terrible mistake.](https://www.reddit.com/r/IDontWorkHereLady/comments/dlfr3e/do_you_know_who_i_am_and_youre_fired_until_they/) | voraciousalpaca | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/k5s959/op_is_an_epic_storyteller_relaying_to_reddit_his/ | k5s959 | 1,052 | 353 | [
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2020-12-04T18:56:43 | "I'm a guy that needs help with modifying my apartment for my best friend to feel safe and comfortable." | r/askwomenadvice | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/askwomenadvice/comments/jh5pxu/im_a_guy_that_needs_help_with_modifying_my/) by u/ChemicalEscapes*
&nbsp;
I don't really know where to start, but my friend is one of those rare, truly good people. She's helped me through some of the lowest points in my life without expecting anything in return. Seriously, I am not exaggerating when I say that I believe she is altruism personified. I would no longer be here if it wasn't for her constant support.
Despite this, she's been experiencing some continuous and devastating trauma as of late. In addition, life has been dealing her one misfortune after another. I won't go in to too much detail, but I can see that she's struggling to hold on to the last vestiges of her will to keep going and it absolutely breaks my heart.
In order to step away from all the chaos that is her life (if only momentarily) and in an attempt to identify what else I can do to help, she'll be staying at my place this weekend with her pre-school age daughter.
I want them to feel safe and comfortable here. While I'm trying my best, I know that other women would be much more insightful than me. I'm also concerned about going overboard. Being raised by a family that is all about preparedness kinda does that to you. Below is a list of what I've done so far to prepare:
• I'm a major neatfreak as it is, but I've entirely deep cleaned my apartment. I'm talking vacuum,, steam vac, polished all the furniture, cleaned and disinfected every surface. I don't want them to have to worry about any tidying up.
• I prepped my bedroom for them to sleep in and even installed a proper door lock in case they'd prefer to sleep with the door closed and locked. I will be sleeping in my living room pull out couch.
• I set up USB chargers for convenience.
• I've done my best to stock amenities within reason that they might need. Women's and kids shampoo, conditioner, body wash, wash cloths, loofahs, and towels.
• the fridge and pantry are stuffed with goodies for her daughter. Cookies, cereal, chips, apple juice boxes, jello snack packs, waffles, ice cream, ice cream sammiches, eggo waffles, etc.
• I put up some basic Halloween decorations and pulled out a few of my childhood toys for her daughter to play with.
So yeah, thoughts, criticisms? All comments welcome.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/askwomenadvice/comments/jz8aof/update_im_a_guy_that_needs_help_with_modifying_my/)
First things first. I'd like to thank everyone for their advice on my original post. From the bottom of my heart, you all are amazing.
I thought you might appreciate an update on how everything went. I implemented everyone's suggestions as best I could.
u/snow_thief and u/bookendswm, your advice in particular yielded a hilarious, but great moment. I asked if there was anything the little one might want. Unbeknownst to me, she was using speech-to-text. It said something about a pirate from an unreleased movie. I couldn't find any pirate in the movie so I bought her kiddo a plush of one of the other characters.
When they arrived, I told her I couldn't find a pirate in the movie, but that I got the aforementioned plush. She gave me this super confused look and asked what I was talking about. After reminding her of that text, she looked at her phone and burst out laughing. Turns out she was trying to ask if I could pirate the movie itself. The plush ended up being kiddos favorite character (Yay!). Added bonus, having a daughter myself, I already had the movie downloaded (Double Yay!!!)
Long story short, we had a great time and will be making this a weekly thing.
I genuinely cannot put in to words how good it felt to see the weight lifted off her shoulders, if only for those two days per week. Once again, I appreciate each and everyone of you. You are the best. If no one else tells you how amazing you are, just know that this internet stranger wants you to know that you most definitely are. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/k6r2e4/im_a_guy_that_needs_help_with_modifying_my/ | k6r2e4 | 4,008 | 479 | [
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2020-12-05T19:41:17 | OP's ex-husband forged her name on a student loan 12 years ago | LegalAdvice | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/eoo3um/exhusband_forged_my_name_as_a_cosigner_to_a/) by u/thechrissie*
&nbsp;
This private student loan originated back in 2008 when we were still married. In 2013 after we were already divorced is when I learned about him adding me to the loan. I was furious. He begged me not to report him to the police and that he would keep up with payments. Forgery/Fraud can carry a 10-year prison sentence here in GA, and I wasn't interested in ruining his life (I just wanted my name off the loan). After some time, he said he would consolidate the loan and that would remove me from the loan and not to worry.
12 years later and the account has finally gone past due. He never consolidated the loan and now I'm receiving phone calls from the loan servicer. This loan was first with Chase, and then it got sold to AES, and then it got sold to Navient, so trying to keep up with where this loan has gone is proving to be a challenge.
I filed a police report and received a fraud packet in the mail from Navient and have been in frequent communication with them.
For others in this situation: What did you do to get it resolved? I wish I had done this in the beginning, but I wanted to be the bigger person and give him an opportunity to make it right. He failed, obviously, and because this happened so long ago I'd like to know if there are other steps to take. Thank you.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/k5ry1w/update_exhusband_forged_my_name_on_a_student_loan/)
I was able to get my name removed from the loan and the loan has been removed from my credit report!
Here is what I did:
1. I stayed in near-constant communication with Navient and I do believe that me being really honest with them and communicating nicely helped. They're just people doing their jobs.
1. I made a police report against my ex-husband and the police dept never contacted me. The detective on my case never responded to my calls and emails (surprise). But it helped my case that I filed, so if this happens to you, just know that filing the report is a good step.
1. I submitted my fraud paperwork/packet two ways and made copies for myself. There had been a snafu and they claimed they didn't receive it and I was able to confirm both methods of delivery and it was found.
1. I know that the advice is typically don't speak to the other person involved, but I did reach out to my ex-husband and was able to get him to admit to what he did through email. I was able to forward the email to the fraud investigator of my case.
This ordeal was so stressful but I learned a lot.I was really grateful to the Navient people that were so helpful and hardworking and who took the time to really investigate my case.
If you're ever in a situation where someone co-signs your name on a loan without permission, these tips really helped me:
1. Communicate kindly and respectfully to the loan servicer. They're just doing their job. I believe that this is one of the biggest things that helped me.
1. If you can find a way to have the other person admit guilt, it might be worth it. If you need to think about your safety, definitely don't do this, but it might be worth it to prove your case.
1. Keep a thorough paper trail once you report the fraud and fill out the paperwork perfectly. Include as much evidence as you can.
And the biggest tip I can give:
If someone co-signs your name on a loan, report them to the police immediately. Even if it's someone you love (or loved), a family member, a friend - report it to the police. I would have saved myself a lot of time and worry if I'd just done that.
I'm so happy to be free of this burden. Thank you to those who commented. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/k7e6v0/ops_exhusband_forged_her_name_on_a_student_loan/ | k7e6v0 | 3,767 | 282 | [
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2020-12-06T18:05:34 | "I [21F] have decided not to invite my stepmother of 18 years [50F] to my graduation" | r/relationships | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/8dxbaj/i_21f_have_decided_not_to_invite_my_stepmother_of/) by u/cowsuke*
&nbsp;
My official stance is that because she has contributed very little to my educational success in terms of encouragement and support, (aside from the occasional pick up/drop off at school before I had a car, and the purchase of some clothes, bedsheets, a duffle bag, and a starter pack for living away at school. I have left nothing out of this list.) And during my time in highdchool she acted monstrously toward me, including direct attempts to stifle my achievements.
For example, when I was invited to apply for the national honor society she threw away the invite, and attempted to convince me that I was not a good person and therefore did not deserve the honor. She called my school in an attempt to disquality me. I joined anyway. She also joined a church committee that I was active in, in order to force me out. That was successful on her part. This was all while accusing me of having bad personality traits that I do not have (ex. Two faced) and disrespecting my sexuality.
The verbal abuse and interference with my life ended when I left for college. Four years after, I am still angry and hurt by the way she treated me as a teenager.
When I return home to visit, I make it a point to speak to her as little as possible. When we do speak, it is courteous. I know that she still resents me, because she does not invite me to parties or family vacations.
I have decided not to invite her to my two graduation ceremonies. What is the best way to navigate my hatred for this woman? how and in what ways can I be the bigger person, while not feeling as if I am letting her "win"? My current strategy is to treat her as professionally as possible. No emotion, no connection, just courteous behavior. Can I exclude her from my graduation ceremonies and still be the bigger person?
I am also considering calling her by her first name from now on, rather than by a familial title. I'm wondering how to start doing this.
TL:DR after unsettled resentments toward my stepmother [50F] for injustuces committed while I was in high school, and the subsequent lack of support, I decided to not invite my stepmother to my graduation ceremonies. Am I still being the bigger person by doing this? I am also wondering the best way to deal with living with this person once I graduate.
&nbsp;
[**3 Years Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/k1gx0u/update_i_21f_have_decided_not_to_invite_my/)
In the now deleted post, i talked about the petty and emotionally abusive things my stepmother put me through. i have since been diagnosed with PTSD due to this.
A few people in the comments said that my father was to blame for not protecting me. at the time, i wasn't ready to hear it. but you all were so right. Within a few months of that original post, i went to family therapy with just my dad to try to work this out. he revealed to me that while he disagreed with some of the more extreme punishments, he agreed with most of the punishments "because you acted so miserable".
he and his wife punished me as a teenager for being miserable in their care instead of 1) reflecting on their own actions, 2) asking me if there was some outside force that made me miserable, or 3) trying to help me. i didn't know it at the time, but i have a severe anxiety disorder that started during that time. the same disorder that my father has and is medicated for. he could have helped me. but as he said in family therapy, he didn't want to help me because "it would have been expensive." My stepmother could have helped me too, because as a teenager I had gone to her with the symptom of this disorder- something she should have recognized as its genetic and my father struggles with it. she brushed it off as well.
In individual therapy sessions, I expressed to my therapist that eventually i would want to maybe be able to go out to lunch with my father sometime. she asked "why?". i couldn't answer her. that was the moment that i knew i could let go.
I never really loved my father, or any parent. i liked him as a kid growing up and I was proud of him. I started to love him in my junior and senior year of college. It was very easy to let any feelings of love go. In contrast, i loved my grandparents immensely growing up and I still do.
I grieved for a full year. the second year i started to heal. I still have PTSD flashbacks weekly to how i was treated as a child. this is way down from several times a day. I found a new therapist who wants to work through that with me.
My paternal grandma was pressuring me to "make up" with my father before covid started. My plan was either to tell her to stop bringing it up, or to stop visiting her as often. maybe a combination of the two.
TLDR In the three years since i posted here asking for advice, I cut contact completely with my father and stepmother. a lot of the comments on my original post helped sew the seed for that. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/k7ymcs/i_21f_have_decided_not_to_invite_my_stepmother_of/ | k7ymcs | 5,058 | 469 | [
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2020-12-07T16:34:36 | OP is completely weirded out and puzzled when her young daughter's tablet begins playing recorded audio of OP's home from one week prior. The strangest part: the tablet was miles away at the time the recorded conversations took place. [Posted 2 years ago] | RBI | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/RBI/comments/8qa63p/audio_being_recorded_on_daughters_kindle_fire_yet/) is by /u/YasMysteries.*
I’m not sure if this is the right place to be posting but I’ve seen r/RBI help people solve weird, technology problems before. This might sound a little weird but I promise this is 100% legit and it’s really, really freaking me out.
My 6-year-old daughter received a Kindle Fire HD for Christmas last year. Never had any issues with it until recently. A bit of background information: my children and I recently moved “back home” to Pennsylvania. My ex-husband and I are newly divorced. He lives in Maryland still but comes to have the kids every other weekend. The home that my two kiddos and I live in is my 88-year-old grandmother’s. She moved in with my parents across the street after being ill and hospitalized in recent months. I run my own home business and am also my grandmother’s primary caregiver.
About 3 weeks ago my parents were watching my kids one evening. When my daughter paused a YouTube video she was watching she seemed confused. She told my Father she could hear “Mom and Dad talking” on her tablet through her headphones but that it was hard to hear. My Dad (a computer programmer all of his life) put on the headphones and indeed heard the voices of myself and my ex in a bit of an argument about a television. He had my Mother listen and she too heard it. When my mother pulled out the headphone jack the conversation stopped. My Dad searched through my Daughter’s entire tablet and could not find any recording apps. I do not have Alexa or any Amazon home products.
My Dad informed me of it that evening. I knew exactly which conversation/argument he was talking about. It had happened about a week prior when my ex was up and dropping off the kids to me. My ex had been and was in Maryland since that day. I thought it was really strange.
This morning my daughter was watching a video. Paused it and said “Mommy listen! I hear your music!” I put on her headphones. I heard a very low frequency of Prince’s “Beautiful Ones” in the background. I heard a door open and then my father’s voice calling “Hello?! HELLO?”. About 4-5 minutes later I heard myself talking on my phone in the living room.
What I described above all happened yesterday morning. I was playing Purple Rain on my record player in the living room, my Dad came over to use the facilities (their water was off for maintenance work) and he called “Hello?! HELLO?” from downstairs while I was upstairs. A few minutes later I had received a phone call and was sitting in my living room talking. I am 100% sure of all of this as it just happened yesterday.
Here’s the kicker: my daughter’s Kindle was not in the home at the time. It was with her about 40 minutes away at my ex’s parents house. He had them this weekend.
* the conversations/audio are only heard through headphones and seem to playback when videos are paused.
* I’ve checked my entire home. I can not find any type of recording device whatsoever. Focused on my living room where these two “conversations” took place. Found nothing.
* the recordings are both from an earlier date. How is my daughter’s tablet SAVING conversations?
* the low frequency conversations are not heard every time the Kindle is paused with the headphones plugged in. As far as I know these are the only two times my daughter has heard distinct yet low audio.
* I have not been able to figure out a way to record what I heard. After I heard the conversation from yesterday that was it. Didn’t replay. When headphones are pulled out the audio stops.
* headphones are older Sharper Image brand that I’ve had for years.
* I can not find any apps, recording programs, saved audio files or anything out of the ordinary.
* Daughter’s Kindle somehow has conversation recorded from a time when the tablet was not in our home.
* I’ve also searched my entire phone and had my Dad look at it. We can not find any app or program that would be recording.
I called my ex who also just happens to work at the NSA. I felt extremely uneasy about all of this and thought that maybe he had planted some type of recording device in my new home. He vehemently denied anything like that and, in fact, was very worried about this. The only link I can think is that the tablet is connected to my Amazon account.
Anyone have any ideas? I’m thoroughly spooked.
EDIT:
I’m going to add this as my Father just reminded me of it and it’s really the only strange occurrence that has happened outside of these recordings.
A few weeks ago a guy showed up at my door. When I answered it was awkward until he finally said “Hey! I’m here for the swingset? Brought the truck!” I had no clue what he was talking about. We do have a swingset but it’s almost brand new and in our backyards. I wasn’t selling it.
The guy then showed me the LetGo ad. Sure enough it was photos of the swing set from my backyard. He then showed me the messages between he and someone acting as the owner. The person he was talking to gave my address and was asking $200 for it. That person also refused to give a phone number and would only speak through messages. They apparently made plans for this guy to come over that day, disassemble it and haul it in a rented truck.
I was baffled. I felt bad for the guy. He never came into the house and my kids were both in the living room near the door when this happened.
EDIT 2: here are the headphones and the Kindle Fire. https://imgur.com/gallery/KivyAAa
The tablet was and has been in that blue case the whole time. The headphones are Sharper Image from forever ago. Can’t seem to find an exact model of them online right now but would estimate they were purchased 7-8 years ago. Kindle Fire HD was purchased in November during Amazon’s cyber-sale.
EDIT 3: I talked to my ex once again. He informed whom he was to inform of what I told him in detail. He filed a formal report and is being told he will be contacted tomorrow during the workday. Because his voice was on an unknown recording a few weeks back this is proper protocol apparently.
I called the local borough police station on their non-emergency line. The man I spoke with had me repeat the entirety of this multiple times. He told me to keep looking for recording devices and asked that I call back this evening if nothing is found and that he’d personally come to my home and take a look.
EDIT 4.: The local police are here now. Now at my parents with the kids as they tear apart my house looking for a recording device.
The good news is that they finally came here and are taking this very seriously. I told two of the Officers about some of the thoughts/ideas some of you guys mentioned. The not so good news is that I kinda got some shit for asking about this on here. Because this is now going to be considered an active investigation I can’t post anymore, at least not right now.
I’ll update you guys what I can when I can. Thank you guys and gals so much for all your helpful advice, links..everything. Today has been really weird and scary for a now single mom with two kids (6 and 9). You all made me feel like I wasn’t going crazy and seriously gave the most helpful information.
The Officer’s have already mentioned turning this in to “the proper people”. I have no idea what they mean by that but am so glad they didn’t think I was some weird broad making things up. Staying at my parents with the kids this evening.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/RBI/comments/8uwrfs/audio_being_recorded_on_my_daughters_kindle_fire/)
A few weeks ago I posted here to r/RBI about two recordings that were heard during video pauses while my daughter was watching YouTube. The first one was a conversation/mild argument my ex-husband and I had about a week prior (heard by daughter and both of my parents). The second was a recording of my Dad coming over to my house and then me talking on the phone (heard by daughter and myself). The thread was locked when law enforcement became involved.
I got really, really great advice from so many of you guys. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it. I’ve received quite a few messages from fellow Redditors asking if there is any update. While the case is still considered pending and I can’t be very specific about certain details I wanted to give a small update on the situation.
A device was found in my home the day I posted/called. Rigged under my mantle piece. I can’t be very specific but the device itself had advanced WiFi capabilities. A somewhat large amount of internal memory, obviously even more externally. Newer technology and a newer device. Was told that it appeared to be a very “professional” job.
Long story short...I defended my ex husband tooth and nail in my previous post. I can and will elaborate much more when this investigation is officially closed but I can say that I was wrong. Completely, ridiculously wrong and I feel really stupid.
This whole thing has thrown me for a loop. I find myself feeling paranoid and anxious very often. It’s getting a little better each day but I’m definitely looking over my shoulder a lot more often. This isn’t something I ever dreamt I would have to deal with. However..hearing those playback recordings were a blessing in disguise. I would have never known and called the Police otherwise.
I’ll make a final update when all is said and done. Thank you guys so much for helping a freaked out Mama that day. Redditors can be asshats at times but are more often knowledgeable, helpful and caring people. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/k8jxjh/op_is_completely_weirded_out_and_puzzled_when_her/ | k8jxjh | 9,598 | 673 | [
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2020-12-07T16:55:21 | OP is still owed utilities money from a nightmare former flatmate, and has given up on ever seeing it--until she realizes the flatmate forgot to cancel her standing auto-debit into OP's account. OP wants to know if she can keep what she's owed and refund the rest. | LegalAdviceUK | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/jtg8q6/nightmare_exflatmate_owes_me_200_and_forgot_to/) is by /u/SmurfLurk.*
My ex-flatmate (who, for context, broke into our house after moving out with keys she'd illegally kept to bring round her friend who proceeded to threaten us with a knife before being escorted out by police) refused to pay her share of the electric and water bill, resulting in a cumulative debt of around £200. The water bill is in her name and I have her own admission that she owes me electric money in writing. She forgot to cancel her standing order to my account for rent money, so has accidentally put £525 into my account. Obviously given all the bad blood and the fact I'm owed a significant sum of money (I'm a student), I want to keep what she owes me and send the rest back to her. Would this be illegal under English law? Am I at all likely to get sued if I do this?
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/jubk4z/update_nightmare_exflatmate_owes_me_200_and/)
Thank you so much for all the excellent advice under my post yesterday, after reviewing everyone's comments I decided to keep the money (after reviewing the bills I discovered it was actually £320 she owed) and sent her a lengthy message explaining that I would be off-setting her household utilities debt against the money she sent and returning the rest to her, accompanied by a breakdown of her debts, evidence of her liability in the bills, and a reminder to stay on top of her personal banking (as some of you suggested). To my surprise she put up zero fuss, she simply rolled over and gave me her preferred method of payment and that was that. Sorry this update wasn't more dramatic, but I thought I'd let you know that karmic justice prevailed and I can finally put the whole situation behind me. Really appreciate all your support! | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/k8kcfb/op_is_still_owed_utilities_money_from_a_nightmare/ | k8kcfb | 1,905 | 133 | [
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2020-12-07T18:13:47 | Dad enables mean daughter mocking her cousin because he thinks cousin won‘t find out. Finally cousin finds out and aunt posts on Relationships Advice | AITA | This is a repost. The original posts were from
u/feelslikenotmyissue and u/ThrowRA-neiceprobs
[OP by Dad](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k2seky/aita_for_not_punishing_my_daughter_for_mocking/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
AITA For not punishing my daughter for mocking her cousin?
My wife and her younger sister are best friends. As a result, when our middle daughter and her cousin were born around the same time, my wife really expected them to also be best friends. With sixteen years of hindsight, I can say with certainty that the expectation was misplaced.
Nothing happened in particular. My daughter just doesn't like her cousin. My wife keeps pushing the relationship. This includes making my daughter spend time with her cousin during family gatherings, inviting her cousin on trips, forcing my daughter to call her.
We're pretty sure I'm the favorite parent (a fact that keeps my ego well-inflated), and, therefore, my apathy towards the situation is not well-received by my wife. From my perspective, this isn't important, and I do not possess the ability to make two teenagers become friends. I'm also pretty sure that trying to push this kind of knuckleheaded stuff makes kids not want to speak to you.
This is where I'm probably an asshole. Yesterday, my wife forced my daughter to video call her cousin. My daughter rejected to request, and my wife told her: "Unless you have a valid reason for disliking your cousin, you will do this because we're family". The call occurred. This morning, we awoke to a PowerPoint presentation titled *Valid Reasons to Dislike \[Cousin\].* Using clips from the zoom call, segments included *Why is \[Cousin's\] Voice so Grating? A Music Theory Approach, A Case Study: Conversations That Provide No Value*, *Rethinking the Idea That There Are No Dumb Questions*, ect. With the benefit of a couple of hours of hindsight, it was a very cruel takedown of her cousin's entire personality.
My wife was furious. My eldest daughter and I lost our shit laughing. My wife is demanding I support her in punishing my daughter for bullying her cousin. I have refused because I feel this is whole situation wouldn't have occurred if she didn't push the relationship, but I'm starting to have second thoughts because it was very mean. AITA?
u/ThrowRA-neiceprobs
[Update by aunt](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/k82xg6/my_daughter_15f_was_shown_a_hurtful_video_made_by/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
My daughter (15/f) was shown a hurtful video made by her cousin (16/f)
I have a really good relationship with my sister and thought our families got along pretty well. My daughter is a little socially awkward and always looked forward to visiting with her cousins because they're around her age. It wasn't that frequent of a thing, just calls on birthdays, holiday visits, and the occasional family trip to the beach. With the pandemic, we haven't been able to do family trips, so instead we've started trying to stay in touch via family zoom video chats instead.
A week or so ago we did a call just to check in and say hi. My daughter was happy to see her aunt and her cousins. She had mentioned that the cousin closest to her age had been acting weird, but we figured it was just pandemic related stress and let it go.
We decided to stop by to drop off their Christmas gifts the other day and stayed on the porch. (For safety reasons because of the pandemic!) My brother-in-law answered (I'm pretty sure he's never liked me, but that's probably irrelevant) and told me to just wait there while he got my sister to 'deal with us.' While he was gone, their oldest daughter came to the door with a smirk on her face and asked how we were doing. We had some idle chatter, then she mentioned something about how if we had a gift for her sister (the middle daughter 16/f from the title) we should probably just give it to her instead, or take it back. I asked why, and she whipped out her tablet and showed me a recording of a presentation where middle cousin had recorded clips from the zoom call with my daughter and spent the entire time mocking her. I won't get into specifics, but it was incredibly hurtful, and my daughter started crying and walked away to sit in the car before the video presentation was even finished.
I was so shocked I didn't know what to say. By the time my sister came to the door I was in tears myself. My sister saw her eldest with the tablet and seemed to immediately know what had happened and asked her to go back inside. My sister looked at me and told me she was sorry, but all I could do was shake my head and gather the gifts to leave. I spent the evening with my daughter trying to cheer her up, but I don't think this is the type of thing she's going to get over quickly. I get that she's not as outgoing as her cousins, and that they just had a familial relationship instead of being outright 'friends' but she did at least think her cousins loved her as family. She and I are both crushed to find out we were wrong on that assumption.
I'm at a loss here. First of all, I'm not sure what I can say or do to ever repair the relationship between my daughter and her cousins. I'm not even sure I want to try.
Secondly, I'm not sure how I can ever be in the same room with my sister's children knowing this has happened. This feels like an enormous rift in our relationship that I'm not sure how to bridge. My sister has left a couple of tearful voicemails and I do truly believe she feels remorse, but I haven't heard a thing from any of the others in the family.
If you all were in my situation, what would you do to repair the relationship?
TL;DR Daughter was shown a presentation where she was recorded and mocked by her cousin. Not sure how to resolve this situation in a way that helps my daughter feel better and repair the relationship with my sister's family. | oeroes | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/k8lz7k/dad_enables_mean_daughter_mocking_her_cousin/ | k8lz7k | 5,965 | 99 | [
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2020-12-07T20:48:10 | The most intense, multi-year HOA drama involving lawsuits, the IRS, divorce, and arrest. SEVERAL updates. | fuckHOA | *This is a repost.* [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/fuckHOA/comments/diw9bl/got_a_not_really_an_hoa_disbanded/) *is by* u/AmbulanceDriver2*.*
After years of hearing stories of problems with HOA's (and having no tolerance for busybodies ourselves) my wife and I were both solidly in agreement that we would never purchase a home in an HOA.
When we finally did find a house and purchased it, we knew for a fact that we were NOT in an HOA. However, just behind us, we learned there was a (not really) HOA.
About a week after we moved in, there was a knock on the door. One of the neighbors behind us, announcing that she was President of the HOA, and welcoming us to the neighborhood. Seems civil enough, but we asked, "what HOA".
"Oh, we're behind you, the home behind yours is where the HOA starts."
"Ok, that's nice, nice to meet you..." Just general pleasantries.
We were hopeful. We were shocked, even. Someone associated with the management of an HOA that wasn't a complete busybody psychopath!
How wrong we were.
The way our lot was, there was a sliver of green space between our property line and the sidewalk, in a somewhat triangular shape (the street ran west southwest, our property line ran due east-west). So there was a wedge of land there. We'd always been told that this belonged to the HOA, yadda yadda - no big deal, just meant we didn't have to deal with the upkeep of this land.
Now that this set up is all in place, it's time to start the story of how we got the (not really an) HOA dissolved.
We had a couple of trees in our yard. Literally on the property line, so we took responsibility for taking care of these things. They're \*MASSIVE\*. They're also a pain in the butt, incredibly dense/heavy, and because of the way the limbs grow, they're prone to splitting and dropping limbs. There was a huge limb that extended way out into the street adjacent to the green space owned by the HOA. This thing was a major risk of dropping and severely injuring/killing someone. We didn't want that on our conscience (or our insurance!) and so we decided to take that limb down entirely, as well as clean out a lot of the deadwood in the two trees. Hired an arborist, they came out, did their thing. $1400 later, we were left with some decent sized rounds that we were going to move over the next weekend (I was out of town the first weekend after we removed the limb). I should not that the wood was neatly stacked in the green space on the barkdust, out of everyone's way, and in no way a hazard or eyesore.
Enter the shrieking harpy...er.. .President of the "HOA". My wife had stepped out the door the day I had left on my trip and she pulls up into our driveway, rolls down the window, and starts yelling at my wife:
"YOU NEED TO MOVE THAT WOOD NOW!!!!! THAT'S PRIVATE PROPERTY OF THE HOA!!! MOVE IT NOW!!!!"
My wife is \*not\* a confrontational type. She's also somewhat petite, and tried to explain to the harpy that I was out of town and that we would be moving it as soon as I got back in town the next weekend.
Nope, not good enough. She shrieks at my wife some more, and my wife ends up grabbing the wheelbarrow and somehow moves this stack of rounds (some of them weighed close to 100 lbs) around the fence, up our driveway, and into the backyard. She was pissed.
So was I. We knew where the harpy lived, so when I got back I went over to talk to her, and explain that I was rather displeased in how she treated my wife. Didn't pound on the door, wasn't aggressive or anything.
They wouldn't answer the door. Cowards (we knew they were home).
This left us with a bit of a displeased taste in our mouth. The next spring, the hedge that is planted outside of our fenceline, well, it wasn't maintained very well, and pushed over two sections of our wooden fence. So I emailed the harpy and explained that their hedge had damaged our fence.
"It's not our hedge!"
"um... it's growing in your green space"
"That's not our green space!"
Waitwut?
"Then why the \[censored\] did you decide to screech at my wife last summer when we had the wood stacked there
Silence.
Well, at that point I fixed the fence so our dog wouldn't escape, after pruning the laurel back sufficiently that it wouldn't damage the fence again. And started making some phone calls. I contacted the county, and ended up speaking to about seven different departments in order to figure out who actually owned that strip of land. After probably two weeks of trying to find the right people to talk to, I got to the roads division. The green space was marked as part of the right of way for the road, and therefore no one actually "owned" that space.
"So I can chop down that ugly overgrown hedge that's encroaching on the sidewalk and knocking down my fence?"
"Yep," says the kind gentleman from the roads division.
"As an aside," he asked, "you mentioned something about there being an HOA associated with the plots to the east of your property?"
"Yeah?"
"well, part of what took me so long to get an answer for you is that it turns out there is no HOA registered with the county there, so we were looking in the wrong place entirely......"
"Wait, there's no HOA there?"
"No, hasn't ever been one since that subdivision was built..."
"Huh.... Interesting...."
And a plot was hatched.
We had befriended a couple of people within the neighborhood behind us, and they were rather fed up with Ms. "President of the HOA" and her antics. She was the typical busybody, bullying anyone she didn't like, and apparently for the last 10 years or so had been collecting HOA "dues" from everyone in the neighborhood to the tune of $300/year. There were 36 homes in the "HOA". Right around $100,000 in dues. For a non-existent HOA. With no real maintenance. Oh, they hosted an annual block party - potluck style.... They pulled weeds from the green space - on a volunteer basis.
So I did what any red-blooded American would do. I got 36 envelopes. 36 stamps. And printed off 36 copies of a letter with my findings from the county that there was not now, nor ever had been for the recorded history of the subdivision, any HOA, neighborhood association, or any similar organization. And that they, collectively, had paid in excess of $100,000 in dues over that time to a non-existent entity, plus any fines the non-existent HOA had decided to levy.
The neighbors, in turn, did exactly what any red-blooded American would do.
They sued the hell out of her for every penny they'd paid over the last 10 years.
Won, too.
And there's no longer an "HOA" behind us.
EDIT: Forgot to mention this. In all the digging into this mess, we learned she's a real estate agent. I figure I'll wait until she pisses me off again and report this whole mess to the state's real estate licensing board. \*evil grin\*\\
Edit to the edit: as others have pointed out, this needs to be reported to the licensing board. Will look into that process....
Edit of the edit to the edit: I have sent an initial e-mail to my state's Real Estate licensing board (Real Estate Agency), and will post any updates as things develop. I did look her up in the licensing system, apparently she's licensed as a principal broker for her agency. This should get interesting.
Edit the fourth: And this should be interesting - her license is up for renewal at the end of this month. This should put one hell of a speed bump in that process. \*evil grin\*
Regarding the criminal charges, since I wasn't a victim of the fraud, that's not something I can pursue. However, I spoke w/ my friend who was one of her victims and he and his wife are talking to other people they trust about coming together and seeking criminal charges.
ONE LAST EDIT:
Was requested by another Redditor to go back and update with links to all the subsequent parts of this insanity.....
\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_
[UPDATE 2 & 3](https://www.reddit.com/r/fuckHOA/comments/ej5y1c/how_i_got_a_not_really_an_hoa_disbanded_part_2/):
*Well, apparently I need to put this in here. I do not give consent for my posts to be read/interpreted/posted to any monetized or ad-supported platform. Examples include YouTube or other platforms. Short version: If you make money off reading someone else's posts, I do not give consent for you to make money off of my posts.*
*I'm going to post the rest of this as a couple of posts, because trying to cram it all into one post ends up exceeding the per-post character limit on Reddit*
So, in part one of this saga, we meet President Harpy, putative leader of the not-really-an-HOA:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/fuckHOA/comments/diw9bl/got\_a\_not\_really\_an\_hoa\_disbanded/](https://www.reddit.com/r/fuckHOA/comments/diw9bl/got_a_not_really_an_hoa_disbanded/)
**PART 2:**
Today, my wife and I had dinner with our friends who were among the victims of this psycho. And I learned a lot. ~~Probably~~ definitely more than I should have. I learned a lot about the lawsuit that was filed when I sent out the letters revealing that there was no HOA. There was, in fact, a settlement to make the lawsuit go away. I will say this, the Harpy got a good lawyer. A \*really\* good lawyer. One of the terms of the settlement was that the total amount remain undisclosed, but our friends confirmed that they were made whole. Another part of the settlement was a pretty stringent non-disclosure agreement.
I'm gonna have to start pretty far back in this mess, because it explains a lot about how this all went down. The subdivision that Harpy lives in was built back in 2000. And it turns out that at the time the subdivision was built, she was the first one to buy in this brand new neighborhood. ~~The developer had actually planned to set up an HOA (the correct way) but because of delays in construction and selling the homes, they never actually set it up.~~ \[Based on one of the comments below and a glance at the relevant state law, this is apparently bad information that was passed on to me.\] That didn't stop Ms. Harpy though, not at all. So as soon as the next owners moved in, she reached out to them. "Hi, welcome to the neighborhood. We are setting up a neighborhood association, a voluntary HOA if you will. That way we can take care of the common areas, and keep property values up." The usual excuses behind an HOA.
Well, after the first 5-6 houses were bought and the owners moved in, and agreed to this voluntary "HOA", well... The pitch changed. It went from a "neighborhood association" to just a straight, "Hey, welcome to the neighborhood. I'm the president of the HOA, nice to meet you!" Most people went along with it. They figured they had missed something in the disclosures, or in the listing, or something. But this was a brand spanking new subdivision. And at the time, you couldn't find a brand new subdivision that \*didn't\* have an HOA. There were a few people that \*did\* in fact pay attention. When called on it, she would change her pitch back to the "Well, it's not \*really\* an HOA.... It's more a voluntary neighborhood association... But we do have some rules we've all agreed to (that it turns out she wrote all on her own), and we do collect a small amount of money, just $25 a month, that's not unreasonable, is it? Just to keep up the common areas, and the rules help keep everyone's property values up!"
All of that came to light during the depositions and testimony in this lawsuit.
And she sold them on it. Everyone signed the "rules" (She even called them CC&R's - with the argument that this gave them a certain legal weight to be able to enforce the rules), either under the guise of the "HOA", or the "Neighborhood Association". By the time all the properties were initially sold, it was roughly 2:1, those that thought it was an HOA, and those that thought it was just a voluntary association. And as people sold, and new owners moved in, well, the HOA pitch just got easier to sell. To the point that at the time of the lawsuit, it was somewhere between 3:1 and 4:1.
As testimony was wrapping up, her attorney put forward a proposed settlement. I was able to find out from my neighbor that in this proposed settlement the only people that would be, in the legal jargon, "made whole" were the ones that signed on under the impression that it was a legitimate HOA. Her attorney successfully argued to the judge that the people who signed up under the "voluntary neighborhood association" were not actually defrauded, and therefore couldn't be a part of the settlement. That \*really\* pissed off those people.
Because of the timing of the whole house of cards tumbling down around her, she had sufficient equity in her house that she was able to refinance her mortgage and pay the settlement amount. So she had to pay a lot of people back out of her own pocket, losing that equity that she had built up over the last ten years. I'm guessing that her husband was \*not\* in on the scam, as he was not one of the named parties in the suit, and he filed for divorce in the middle of the lawsuit. As for how he didn't know? No clue. Maybe she just had him convinced that her commissions from real estate sales were just that good. I have no idea what the terms of the divorce were, but it was apparently rather *acrimonious*. Our friends more than once heard shouting matches from the Harpy's house as they were out walking the neighborhood.
So hopefully that clarifies how she was able to sucker people in. Our friends were some of those that were convinced that it was a legitimate HOA, and they told us that she was so smooth, so convincing, that they didn't doubt it for a minute. At least that meant that they were "made whole" even though they couldn't legally disclose how much they got back.
Now, for more recent happenings. One of the things we talked about tonight was our neighbors going to the district attorney and pursuing criminal charges. Well, they talked to the DA's office this morning, and apparently the statute of limitations has passed. For a crime like this, even though it would be a felony level charge, the statute of limitations is only 3 years for that type of crime. **BUT** I passed on to them the idea of reporting her to the IRS. Since they were among those who lost money, I figure it's only fair that they get the reward if there is one. They both got a rather gleeful look at that idea. So yeah, that should be interesting.
One of the reasons that I said the Harpy got a good lawyer was that one of the terms of the non-disclosure agreement was that if they signed on to the settlement, they agreed not to report her to any professional board or any licensing agency. So she obviously had concerns that something like this might possibly, just maybe, *perhaps* have an impact on her license as a real estate agent.
Too bad for her that I wasn't part of that settlement. Because after my initial email to the state Real Estate Agency, I got a response back this morning, and after a couple of more e-mails back and forth, I was interviewed over the phone by the head of the professional standards division. They appeared to be \*very\* interested to hear what I had to say. I gave a recorded statement on the grounds that it would remain confidential (don't want her trying to make my life a living hell). And at dinner tonight, I learned that our friends have a pretty good friendship with several of the people that were \*NOT\* paid off in the settlement agreement, since they signed up under the "voluntary neighborhood association". The ones her lawyer insisted were not defrauded and therefore couldn't be part of the settlement. Which means they also are not covered under that pesky little non-disclosure agreement.
Before I started writing this update, I e-mailed the names and contact information for three of those owners who still live in the neighborhood to the head of the professional standards division. Because while I had to deal with her craziness and general pain-in-the-assitude, I didn't actually lose any money. But actual victims of her scam? I imagine their testimony will carry quite a bit more weight with professional standards. I also (solely for their convenience) included the state court case number for the lawsuit. Who knows, maybe they can see the records of the lawsuit and the terms of the settlement since they are a state agency.
That, kind Redditors, brings us up to today. If I hear more updates (which hopefully I will through my friends) I will gladly share them here, and I'll happily answer any questions I can.
**PART 3:**
And now, for Part 3 ladies and gentlemen, a couple of new characters have been introduced. Government agencies have gotten involved.
My friend and neighbor texted me this afternoon, saying only, "CALL ME!!!"
As soon as I was able to, I gave him a call. And he could barely stop chuckling.
He caught me up a bit. After we'd talked the other evening, he'd started talking to some of the people in the neighborhood. And it turns out that Ms. Harpy of the Not-Really-an-HOA is apparently kind of a slow learner. Because in the last couple-three years, while she hasn't tried to bilk anyone else out of their money, some of the newer owners in the neighborhood were being told that there was still a "neighborhood association" and she kept trying to enforce arbitrary rules on people. Except everyone had heard about her antics. And promptly told her to get bent. So if anything, her nonsense has actually created a more cohesive neighborhood. Everyone is united in hating her! :D
But that's not the reason he was chuckling. He was chuckling because he'd just gotten off the phone with an IRS agent. Now normally, that's not your expected reaction when speaking to anyone from the government with the word "Agent" attached to their title in any way. But no. He was chuckling after he spent over an hour on the phone detailing everything he knew about her dealings as "president of the HOA". As well as providing contact info for quite a few others in the neighborhood who knew what had happened over the years. I \*really\* hope I get to hear more about what happens with the IRS.
As if that wasn't enough good news, I popped over to the state real estate licensing board website (I've been checking it every day since I spoke to the head of professional standards) and saw this:
[https://i.imgur.com/4zpahUU.jpg](https://i.imgur.com/4zpahUU.jpg)
Sorry I had to redact the hell out of that, but I really want to try to keep this entertaining for you all here while maintaining anonymity.
If I may direct your attention to the section titled "License Information" the column titled "Status"
Additionally, if I may direct your attention to the "Disciplinary Action" section, specifically the columns titled "Resolution" and "Found Issues".
From a little cursory reading of state law and associated regulations, this decision is temporary until the full investigation is completed. Once that happens, the professional standards board will decide if there is to be permanent action against her license. If there is, then there will be a date in the "order signed date" column, and a \*really\* entertaining link in the "documents" column in the disciplinary action section that lays out the entire case, from start to finish. (I've read a couple of documents in other cases I found where there was a final order - and wow, they lay \*EVERYTHING\* out).
So there we have it Reddit. I was almost kinda feeling bad for bringing up stuff from years ago to government agencies, but the fact that she is \*still\* trying to pull off this crap (albeit without the money part) made any of that evaporate like the HOA she thought she had. So it may be the end, or it may not, but at least for now, we've reached the conclusion of the saga of the Harpy of the Not-Really-an-HOA.
I will be adding part 4 and 5 shortly, and then we have a new update from just this morning.
ONE LAST EDIT:
Was requested by another Redditor to go back and update with links to all the subsequent parts of this insanity.....
PART 4 & 5:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/fuckHOA/comments/ej60bt/how\_i\_got\_a\_not\_really\_an\_hoa\_disbanded\_part\_4/](https://www.reddit.com/r/fuckHOA/comments/ej60bt/how_i_got_a_not_really_an_hoa_disbanded_part_4/)
PART 6:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/fuckHOA/comments/eoc5tt/how\_i\_got\_a\_not\_really\_an\_hoa\_disbanded\_part\_6/](https://www.reddit.com/r/fuckHOA/comments/eoc5tt/how_i_got_a_not_really_an_hoa_disbanded_part_6/)
PART 7:
[https://www.reddit.com/user/AmbulanceDriver2/comments/gffwzo/how\_i\_got\_a\_not\_really\_an\_hoa\_disbanded\_part\_7/](https://www.reddit.com/user/AmbulanceDriver2/comments/gffwzo/how_i_got_a_not_really_an_hoa_disbanded_part_7/) | Vemasi | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/k8p54a/the_most_intense_multiyear_hoa_drama_involving/ | k8p54a | 20,854 | 162 | [
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2020-12-08T18:00:00 | OP lied on their CV and claimed to have earned a degree they don't actually have in order to land their current job. Now, the deceit is on the verge of coming to light, and OP is freaking out. [Posted 2 years ago] | LegalAdviceUK | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/dwtcwq/i_lied_on_my_cv_and_got_the_job_now_it_might_come/) is by /u/DegreeOfIntelligence.*
Throwaway as some of my colleague's follow my main account.
A few years ago, I was looking to switch careers before entering my 30's and was getting pretty frustrated with all of the jobs where being 'EDUCATED TO DEGREE LEVEL IS ESSENTIAL.' I'd worked my way up through the company where I was for 10 years and most of the jobs I was looking at were well within my skillset, I wasn't looking at anything that required specialist training or qualifications and was feeling that because I hadn't spent 30 grand to get a piece of paper, I was being shut out of a lot of opportunities.
So I decided to add an extra line to my CV which said that I'd attended university and come away with a 2:2 in a pretty broad subject. If any of the jobs requested a copy of my degree, I would blag a story about not having access to it.
Almost instantly, I started getting interview requests from the jobs that I applied for, one of which I accepted and have been working for the last 2 years.
A few nights ago, I was out for drinks with a colleague and I let slip in the course of conversation that I didn't go to Uni. The colleague in question got pretty pissed that he was working at the same level as someone who hadn't 'paid their way' through education like they had and stormed off, but not before promising to report me to management later on this week.
What are the potential ramfications here? I'm guessing that I'll be in breach of my contract so they'll probably be able to sack me straight off but is there any other legal action that could be taken against me at all? What should I be preparing for if the worst happens?
[EDIT]: I'm in England.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/dy2sen/update_came_clean_regarding_my_degree_in/)
I want to start by clarifying a few things.
I realise that my wording of 'paying 30 grand for a piece of paper' was disrespectful to people who have genuinely worked hard to get a degree and I apologise for that. I didn't mean to diminish the value of getting a degree in any way, or the hard work, time and stress that goes into further education.
My main point of frustration is regarding workplaces that add the line 'educated to degree level is essential' to a job ad where that role clearly doesn't require one.
It effectively stonewalls people like myself, who (for several uncontrollable reasons) didn't get to go to Uni and instead have spent many years working tirelessly, earning real workplace experience, and creates a situation where the best person for the job may not even be considered because they didn't go to university.
Some of the people that I work with have little to no work place experience but do have degrees that are completely irrelevant - why does that make them more qualified for a job over someone with actual experience within that role?
That being said, I would never apply for a job like being a doctor, an engineer, an architect or any other highly skilled careers that require specific qualifications, earned through many years of hard work and further education.
**With that out of the way - onto the update:**
So I called my manager over the weekend and explained the whole situation to him. After reading all of the responses to my post, I started to feel like no matter the outcome, getting out ahead and admitting what I'd done was going to be best in the long run. It turns out my colleague hadn't bothered to say anything about it but I'm glad that I did.
He was pretty pissed off about the breach of trust but was a lot calmer than I thought he would be, said not to worry about it too much and to leave it with him over the weekend.
After getting into work this morning, I was immediately called into a meeting with my manager and one of the company directors. I felt like maybe this was the end but it wasn't quite as dire as that.
Both of them agree that my work has been pretty good and want to keep me on but agree that there does need to be ramifications for the dishonesty.
The main part of my punishment is that for the next 3 years, I will not be promoted or receive a payrise. I am effectively frozen within my role until the end of 2022. I feel like this punishment will feel more and more severe as time goes by but I'm prepared to take it. The 3 year timeframe is puposely symbolic of the time that I would have spent getting a degree.
The incredibly positive part however is that the company is willing to partially fund further education for me so that I can legitimise my future career prospects. I was not expecting this at all and honestly got a bit emotional when my manager started talking about it.
After explaining the reasoning behind why I lied, they have also agreed to reevaluate their hiring process / job ads for some of the roles so that a degree is added to the 'desirable but not essential' field.
For obvious reasons, we are going to be keeping all of this between the three of us. I have informed both of them that I let slip to my colleague and I believe they are going to speak with him as well.
All in all, I feel pretty lucky and grateful for this outcome and want to thank most of you for your advice but not so much the people who PM'd me calling me all kinds of names. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/k9972g/op_lied_on_their_cv_and_claimed_to_have_earned_a/ | k9972g | 5,411 | 174 | [
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2020-12-08T18:05:23 | Every night at the same time, OP hears handbells in their neighborhood. Bemused and curious, OP is wondering where the sound can be coming from. | RBI | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/RBI/comments/jda2ot/bell_rings_every_night_at_830_pm/) is by /u/SoVerySleepy81.*
Every evening I hear a bell, it rings for about 30 seconds each time. It’s not a church bell, we live nowhere near a church and even if it was that’s not the type of bell it is. It’s also not a triangle, nor a doorbell, it’s not the bell from a railroad either.
It sounds like a handbell but not the nice ones they use in bell choirs. It sounds like a cross between a handbell and a big cowbell almost.
It’s not like it bugs me or anything but I’ve been noticing it for a couple years now. I’ve performed searches at random intervals trying to see if maybe it’s a religious thing or something, but I’ve had zero luck.
It’s possible it’s not something that means anything but with the frequency and the same time every night, it kinda doesn’t feel like it’s not.
Any suggestions? I’m in the PNW in a fairly diverse suburb.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/RBI/comments/jfqkrp/mystery_bell_no_longer_a_mystery/)
So I posted a couple of days ago about a bell I hear every evening. I took the advice to try and find it, so my daughters and I decided to hunt it down. There are three of them so we were able to fairly quickly find the general area it was coming from. We found the correct street on the first evening and we found the correct house yesterday evening.
It’s not a call to prayer, or an alarm, or anything like that. It’s actually a guy who is autistic. His mom was outside with him and I am so glad she wasn’t upset. She said that they occasionally have a neighbor who will hunt the bell sound down to figure out what it is.
He LOVES bells but living in a neighborhood like ours his parents can’t let him ring bells all the time. He has like jingle bells and stuff to use inside and stuff but they had to limit his large bell usage. They chose a time every that he can go out, ring his bell, and then be ready for bed. It makes total sense now that I know of it.
My middle daughter is autistic and while she’s high functioning she’s got her quirks and rituals as well. She wants to give him a bell for Christmas so we will be spending the next month or so agonizing over bell choices lol.
I’m glad I brought this question to this community. It pushed me to search for the bell noise and I met a very lovely family in the process. Sorry it’s not a very exciting update. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/k99b9h/every_night_at_the_same_time_op_hears_handbells/ | k99b9h | 2,443 | 984 | [
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2020-12-09T20:07:12 | "I need someone to please convince me [23f] to leave my boyfriend [25m] of 7 years." | r/JustNoSO | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/k9zhq7/i_need_someone_to_please_convince_me_23f_to_leave/ | k9zhq7 | 9 | 1 | [
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2020-12-09T20:09:27 | "I need someone to please convince me [23f] to leave my boyfriend [25m] of 7 years." | r/JustNoSO | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoSO/comments/id1hpm/i_need_someone_to_please_convince_me_23f_to_leave/) by u/Boyfriendkindasucks*
&nbsp;
My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years this December and I’m just now starting to realize how bad our relationship really is. Throughout our whole relationship I’ve known that it isn’t the “best” but I was just glad to have someone I could turn to when I needed it. And we really have had a lot of great times.
Recently after starting a new position where I’m surrounded primarily by men the entire day, I realized how different my boyfriend is compared to other guys. The other guys I see are so goal oriented, similar to me. They take on responsibility, aim to be the best at what they do, constantly want to improve themselves, and are just really well mannered.
My boyfriend can be very blunt, quick to get defensive, downright rude, and honestly just not very fun to be around sometimes. In the 7 years we’ve been together he has never once taken me out on a date. I’m always the one who plans our dinners (which he doesn’t like to go out anyways and complains the whole time), our vacations, our fun little outings (mostly are ruined by his bad attitude). I find myself emotionally and mentally drained after going out to places like that with him because he can just so easily turn things into such a sour evening over something so small (not getting a good score in bowling, getting pickles on his burger, heavy traffic, etc.) and usually either wants to just go home, complains the rest of the night or pouts.
He doesn’t have any goals and any time I ask him of his plans he gets super defensive and shuts me down immediately.
When we get into arguments he can sometimes escalate to name calling on some rare occasions (btch, ahole, nasty pig, dck, rtarded, idiot) and will tell me to shut the fck up and calls me psychotic. He also has made many comments before about my weight, what I eat, suggesting I work out or try a diet (I’m 5’2 and 140lbs). And then he gets mad at me for being insecure about my body, which I explain to him is because of his comments. I’m well these aware are all signs of manipulation, gaslighting and verbal abuse.
On the flip side (I know I sound like an idiot), he really can be very sweet. And I am definitely no joy to put up with either, and can be super annoying and also snap at him too (but I do refrain from yelling or name calling and try to keep it respectful)
Lately he has noticed me being a lot more distant and he has amped up his affection and really trying to be nice to me. He cuddles me on the couch, in the bedroom, offers to rub my head (which he NEVER does unless I beg him). I feel really terrible for wanting to end this 7 year relationship based on a recent revelation just over the last week or so. It’s like I just woke up one day and felt like this is going nowhere and I need to leave now.
Part of me feels like maybe I’m just going to snap out of it and be fine again in a week or so, but the other part doesn’t want me to snap out of it. I feel all of this rage inside of me just stewing and it has been built up for years. Every day on my drive home I just think of all of the mean things he has done to me over the years and it really just makes me so incredibly furious that I’ve put up with it.
I don’t know how I should do this since we both share an apartment together, just renewed the lease for another year, and have an animal together that we’re both deeply attached to (although in past discussions we agreed if anything ever happened I would take him). I feel horrible for leaving him in such a vulnerable spot. Neither of us really have any friends in the area either.
TLDR: recent job change made me realize how toxic my relationship is. We’ve been together 7 years and I can’t bring myself to end it even though I know I’ll regret it if I don’t.
UPDATE:
I just want to say I’m so blown away by the support from everyone. I started reading these comments at work and I had to stop because I started crying. I’m going to take a few days to figure out what I need, get things sorted, and then break the news to him.
My job pays pretty well so I’d be able to afford the apartment on my own. We have a spare bedroom he can stay in while he’s figuring out where he’s going to live.
Everyone is so right that I need to learn how to live and do things on my own. I feel like I have a new boost of confidence now and I know exactly what I need to do. I’ve been feeling this way for a veeeery long time and I’ve just been repressing it. It’s only now that my brain is putting its foot down and saying “okay enough is enough you gotta go.”
I wish I had the chance to respond to everyone. A few of the comments literally left me speechless because I just can’t even form words to show how accurate they are and how much they meant to me. I sincerely appreciate everyone and I have gone through and read each and every comment - and still will up until I finally end things in a few days. 💖
UPDATE 2:
I did it! The whole time it was a lot of deflecting, blaming, accusing, and defending. Not once did he seem genuinely sorry for pushing me to this point or any of the things he did before. He’d rather accuse me of cheating on him (?) than be in the wrong for this.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoSO/comments/iej201/update_i_need_someone_to_please_convince_me_23f/)
Hi everyone! I’m so grateful for all of the advice given to me. I read each and every comment and I cried at most of them because of how accurate they were to my situation.
I gave myself a big long pep talk about how I have no obligation to him, I don’t owe him anything, there is nothing I get from him that I can’t get from someone else, etc.
I was planning on ending things this weekend but we had another little argument while I was at work. It was basically about me being so distant. I told him that it’s been weighing on me lately all of the names he’s called me in the past and all of the mean stuff he’s done to me.
He literally said “if you can’t get over it then leave me”
So I said “okay.”
And then I guess he didn’t realize the “okay” mean like yeah we should break up. So he was like “so what do you want?” And I said “we should break up.”
I’ve never threatened to break up with him, but he’s always threatened to break up with me over small stuff so I don’t think he really took me seriously. I left work early and continued to talk to him about it and said he could stay here until he found a place, and that obviously I’m keeping our pet because I’m the one who had him and kept him before we even moved in together.
He kept blaming and deflecting the whole time and it all kind of confirmed to me exactly why I’m breaking up with him. He even accused me of cheating lmao. He ended up leaving to go to his moms house and then came back an hour later and then actually apologized and broke down. The whole time even while apologizing he is still shifting blame. He said “you want someone perfect, but nobody is perfect. If I wanted perfect I would’ve left you a long time ago” which um ouch lmao, but he saw that as some type of compliment apparently?
He offered couples counseling, he begged for another chance, he said he had no idea how hurt I was, he said he didn’t think I was serious before, he said if he would’ve known I was going to break up with him over it he would’ve done it to begin with.
I said that I offered couples counseling many times throughout our relationship when I’ve felt at my lowest and broken down, and he always would tell me that couples counseling is a waste of time and he’d rather just break up. I said that I’ve always accused him of not taking me seriously throughout the relationship and this whole breakup just confirms that for me. I said that it shouldn’t take a break up for him to want to do these things, he should’ve just done it to make me happy.
I know it sounds kind of mean to say but I honestly really felt some sort of inner peace knowing that our whole relationship, every time I’ve accused him of not taking me seriously, disrespecting me, making me sad, saying mean things to me- I was finally getting justice for all of those things now and sticking up for myself when I should’ve years ago. He always used to make fun of guys who beg for their girlfriends after they break up, and he’d say how stupid they were and call any guy who is overly nice to his girlfriend a “simp”. Then here is he, crying and begging for me to stay with him and suddenly regretting the lack of affection and niceness throughout the years.
He begged me to consider this breakup to just be a break so that we could get back together after. I said no and lastly I reminded him that anytime I’ve ever asked him about a break he says he’d rather just break up with me.
All of these manipulated tactics, the gaslighting, the personal attacks, they all came back to bite him in the ass last night and I honestly loved all of it. I loved knowing that I was truly sticking up for myself and removing myself from such a horribly toxic and unhealthy situation.
I told him he should get personal counseling and work on himself. He’s still staying here for the meantime, I didn’t want to add insult to injury and kick him out with nowhere to go. We have two bedrooms so we’re both just going to kinda hang out in our own spaces until we can figure something out. I said that while he’s staying here things are going to be completely different, we’re essentially roommates. We’re not going to talk unless it’s necessary, no hanging out, no anything. I’m going to look at apartments and probably just move out on my own in the next couple weeks. He is still basically in a mix of shock and denial and keeps telling me he’ll prove it to me but I’m standing firm.
He had the audacity to ask if we can still have sex. LOL n o.
TLDR: finally broke up with my toxic and verbally abusive boyfriend of 7 years, I feel genuinely happy and already feel so much better. Right now we have to figure out the living situation and decide who is moving out.
&nbsp;
[**FINAL UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoSO/comments/in7upl/final_update_i_need_someone_to_please_convince_me/)
Hi everyone!!
It has been two weeks since my last update where I ended things with my then boyfriend of 7 years.
I just wanted to again say thank you to everyone who helped me gather the courage to finally break out of things. This is going to be my final update on the situation because I feel like everyone deserves to know how I’m doing!
After the first couple days of him crying for me back, eventually it just stopped. There were a few guilt trips here and there which I just used the “grey rock method” for (thank you to those who taught me what that was!).
I think he actually might be talking to someone else now which is a relief on my end because it has been relatively quiet and civil between us while I’ve still been stuck here. He’s been going out a lot more frequently and just keeping to himself.
We both just signed the roommate release agreement last weekend and I will be officially moving into my own apartment this Thursday!
Personally I feel amazing. I’ve never felt this happy before. I feel so confident and just so great about myself. Every single day I think about how I was almost ready to just settle down with the first serious boyfriend and not even give anyone else a chance? I want to punch that old me for being so dumb lmao.
I started using some dating apps just to meet and talk to new people and it really has made me realize just how much I’ve been missing out on. There are so many great guys out there who are genuinely so kind and respectful and such a step up from what my ex was. I have guys I’ve known since high school finding out I’m single and throwing themselves at me (super huge confidence boost wow)
I’m so excited to just explore my independence, go on real dates with different people, and just live my life as a single person for the first time since I’ve been 16.
10/10 HIGHLY recommend calling it quits on a relationship you just don’t feel satisfied in or one you’re not being respected in. Every morning I wake up feeling even better than the one before that 😊
TLDR: It’s been 2 weeks since ending my verbally abusive relationship. Found out I can attract WAY better guys, and love being single right now. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/k9zjc4/i_need_someone_to_please_convince_me_23f_to_leave/ | k9zjc4 | 12,454 | 544 | [
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2020-12-09T22:03:39 | OP does everything possible to help his developmentally challenged cousin, Jimmy, after Jimmy's mom died. [original post 9 months ago] | LegalAdvice | *repost, original* [*post*](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/f3utz0/becoming_a_legal_guardian_to_my_adult_cousin_who/) *by* [u/JimmysCousin](https://www.reddit.com/u/JimmysCousin/)
**Becoming a legal guardian to my adult cousin who doesn't seem to have a legal existence?**
TLDR: >!as the title says. My cousin is a developmentally disabled adult who can't live alone and needs a guardian. I'd like to be his guardian but it seems that his mom never registered his birth, so it's a mess.!<
&#x200B;
The whole situation is a huge mess, so I'll have to describe it in length. Apologies for the wall of text.
This is about my cousin, let's call him Jimmy. Jimmy is a developmentally disabled adult. He's in his late 40s but has the cognitive abilities of an 8 year old child. He has always lived with his mother, she took care of him until she passed suddenly at the beginning of last year. Jimmy isn't capable of holding a real job, he does odd jobs for people in town and on the nearby farms and gets paid cash. He and his Mom lived on what little cash he brought home and what I suppose was his Mom's Social Security from how he describes it. They were very poor but were capable of buying the basic necessities, and their neighbors gave them second-hand clothes or things they didn't need anymore. From what I understand his Mom owned their house, which is quite small and in a derelict state, and some land were they have a few chicken and a garden where they grow vegetables. They are simple people from a rural area who live on very little.
Jimmy is partially capable of living on his own, that is, he can do some basic cooking, do the laundry, the housecleaning and the groceries if it's a store he knows. He also takes care of the chicken and the garden. But he can't drive, can barely read, and is not really capable of functionning in an environment he doesn't know. He can't take care of anything like paying the bills, filing taxes, he doesn't have a bank account or anything like that. He's also shy and afraid of strangers. He keeps his cash in a box and knows not to spend more than he has but doesn't really have a fine grasp of how money works. I should add that he's the kindest person I know and a hardworking man who never complains about anything.
After his Mom's passing, Jimmy stayed alone in their home, with no one to take care of him. He has lived there since then, about a year ago. I was out of state for years and only just came back and decided to go see how he was doing. I was shocked to see that although he has organized his life the best he could, he lives in absolute poverty. There's no working AC in his home, and no heating to speak of. He hasn't paid the bills, probalby doesn't know how to, so he has no electricity and no phone. Thankfully he has a well he can pump water from. He keeps himself clean but with no hot water. It's like he was living in the 19th century. He survives on what little he makes doing odd jobs, buys some groceries and eats the vegetables he grows and eggs from his chicken, but it's not enough to feed him properly, especially in the winter. It seems that he's been left to live alone after his mom died and has not reached out for help, and no one has given him a hand either. I was very surprised that he wasn't visited by Adult Protective Services or anything like that after his Mom's passing, he clearly needs help and is not capable of asking for it.
He needs a guardian but doesn't have one. His mother was his actual guardian but that was never made official. He always lived with her and it looks like she never took any disposition about what would become of him after she died. She was a loving mother but she wasn't very socially adapted herself. I and my siblings are the last family he has. I'd like to become his guardian because I think he needs help but I know that he needs to go on living like he's used to, because removing him from his house would kill him. I don't think there's any way Adult Protective Services will let him live in his house but that's what he needs, with help from a guardian of course. His whole life revolves around his garden, his animals, fishing and taking long walks in the woods. He's capable of organizing his life in the conditions he's used to. However he completely shuts down when he's with strangers in places he doesn't know, I've witnessed that. Putting him in a home somewhere would be terrible for him. I inherited a house in a nearby town and I'm planning to settle there, so I could check on him, he seems to be OK with that. I've reached out to his Mom's church's pastor and he thinks he could have church members organize a "watch" to go see him regularly and help him.
I thought I would help him get help from services, and help him file for SSDI because he's physically fit to work but can't realistically hold a job and he is disabled. But as I did so I wasn't able to find an ID, a birth certificate, a SSN or anything. I searched the whole house thoroughly but couldn't find anything. He doesn't have a driving license, or any kind of ID. He's never filed taxes or anything official like that. He has no idea what a birth certificate even is. I'm starting to suspect that Jimmy's mother never bothered to register his birth. That wouldn't be so surprising coming from her.
So I have a lot of questions :
* How can I legally become my cousin's guardian?
* How do I proceed to find if he has a birth certificate somewhere, and a legal exsitence?
* If he doesn't, how can he be registered?
* What services can a disabled adult in his situation receive?
Jimmy's Mom owned their house, so I suppose he automatically inherited it as her next of kin. However I couldn't find a copy of a deed in the house. Where could I get that? And how do I make sure that Jimmy is/becomes the rightful the owner of his house and can stay in it? It would be a nightmare for him if he had to leave his land.
Edit: we're in Oklahoma
&#x200B;
\----------------------------------------------------------
[Update #1](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/fgdc2l/update_to_my_post_about_becoming_a_guardian_to_my/)
This is an update to my post because people were worrying about my cousin and kindly asking for news (I hope this one doesn't break the rules of the sub).
First the good news: I've found an arrangement with my cousin, it took a lot of persuasion but he agreed to spend his nights at my place while we do some badly needed repairs to his house. At least he has a warm and safe place to sleep and I can make sure he has a real dinner. He develops anxiety when he needs to change his routine and this is a major change for him, I'm proud of him for being willing to try. I drop him at his house in the morning and either we do some work there or I go to work and he spends his day as he's used to, tending to his animals and his garden and hiking (he says he needs to hike every day, even in terrible weather, otherwise he feels "trapped" and gets nervous). Then I pick him up in the evening and we go to my place. He seems OK with this arrangement for now, I'm not sure how long it's going to last but for now we're fine. He's grieving his mother and spending time in the place where they lived together seems to comfort him, but I feel better knowing he's not spending his nights alone over there in a crumbling house.
Abous the rest, now: things are going to be complicated. I haven't been able to find anything about Jimmy's birth certificate in the county records. There isn't a deed for his house in the records either. I have no idea who could be the owner of this house and the land around it. I'm meeting with a lawyer soon to talk about the guardianship issues, and we'll need to discuss the rest too. I really hope that trying to become his guardian officially isn't going to do more harm than good, and that he won't end up losing his house or being forced to live somewhere else against his will. I'm afraid this is going to be an uphill battle but I'm ready.
&#x200B;
\----------------------------------------------------------
[Update #2](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/k6nhr8/update_i_finally_became_a_guardian_to_my_adult/)
Update to my post about my cousin Jimmy. First of all, warm thanks to all the people who checked on us. I'm here to share good news.
I finally got guardianship of my cousin after a hearing with a judge. It was a tedious process with lots of paperwork but it worked in the end. I hired a lawyer who was very helpful.
Jimmy and I received visits from social services and doctors to evaluate him. Jimmy was not really happy with this as talking to people he doesn't know gives him anxiety, but he did his best. He was formally evaluated for his disability, which had not been done since he was a kid. The social workers determined, as I had, that he couldn't stay in his home, but they agreed that he was safe with me. I was afraid they would remove him but they were really helpful and agreed that the best place for him is with me. He will also be receiving services from the state which will be a good thing, especially for his access to health care.
We finished renovating a room with a bathroom and a little kitchen for him in my house, this way he lives with me but he has privacy when he wants to be alone. He worked hard with me on this project and we're both quite happy with the result. He seems to have accepted that he couldn't spend his nights at his house anymore. We built a chicken coop and brought his chickens to my property (it was quite the fun transporting 11 chickens in a pick-up truck). He has also started to do some gardening and he helps me around the house. The house I'm renovating was in a very poor state so there's no shortage of work to be done. Jimmy keeps himself busy and he gets to exercise as much as he needs so he's feeling well. I still drive him to his house regularly so he can fish in the creek and hike on the paths he knows. We're exploring the nature near my home so he can find new places to hike.
On a side note we finally found Jimmy's birth certificate, with great difficulty because he was registered under his mother's maiden name and with a different first name. From what I heard from the few people who knew his parents when they were young, they didn't trust the government and came to live on an isolated farm to not be bothered by anyone. It looks like they tried to "hide" their son's birth by registering him under another name. It might have looked like a good idea at the time, but it certainly didn't help us.
Anyway I'm quite pleased with the way the situation turned out, Jimmy now has a safe place to stay and someone to take care of him and he looks happy with his new life. | trophywifeinwaiting | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ka1scn/op_does_everything_possible_to_help_his/ | ka1scn | 10,782 | 192 | [
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2020-12-10T21:15:59 | "My roommate purposefully poops himself" | r/badroommates | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/badroommates/comments/jmrr00/my_roommate_purposefully_poops_himself/) by u/Overall-Jackfruit161*
&nbsp;
He's a huge gamer and spends all day playing apex legends. He doesn't leave the room ever. I started to notice a smell the other day and asked him what it was. He said he had no clue, he went to class one day, and the smell was bad when he left. I did some investigating and quickly found a trash can full of adult diapers. They were so full, I quickly confronted him, and he said he wears diapers, so he doesn't have to go to the bathroom while playing apex. I was honestly baffled that this guy was serious but somehow was an "adult" and got accepted to this school. I don't want to embarrass him, what do I do.
&nbsp;
**UPDATE**
Update: A RA came into our room complaining about a "smell". My roommate was in class (for once in his life) and I took the opportunity to tell the RA. The RA later invited my roommate to his room and told him that it was unacceptable and owed me a massive apology. My roommate continued I confronted him things got heated and he no longer lives on campus. The university sent him home. He sends me snapchats of his poop now and if I block him he creates a new fake account to send me more graphic poop pics. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/kaof01/my_roommate_purposefully_poops_himself/ | kaof01 | 1,309 | 423 | [
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2020-12-11T15:28:19 | Future SIL wants her nephew to be ring-bearer over OP's son. She tries to bully OP through Fiance. | AITA | [deleted] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/kb4up8/future_sil_wants_her_nephew_to_be_ringbearer_over/ | kb4up8 | 9 | 5 | [
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2020-12-11T15:45:20 | Future SIL wants her son to be ring-bearer over OP's son. She tries to bully OP through Fiance. | AITA | **This is a repost. The [original post](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k97idb/aita_for_wanting_my_son_to_be_the_ringbearer_at/?sort=new) is by /u/ztgdzsbtfs**
My(M29) fiancé(F28) and I are getting married next week (don't worry everybody going is required to get a COVID-19 test and will be socially distanced with masks. My son (M6) is from a previous relationship, and I have 50/50 custody over him. Me and his mom are on friendly terms, and she is okay with him going to my wedding. The problem is my fiancé had told her niece (F9) that she could be the flower girl. When my fiancé's nephew (M8) found out he became extremely upset and threw a fit. My SIL demanded that her son be the ringbearer or she will not be attending the wedding. My fiancé is extremely close to her sister and was upset that she would not be coming to the wedding, so she also became upset and sided with her sister, stating (in her words) "This is my wedding and it happens by my terms or not at all." You can imagine how pissed I was at the statement. I have a bit of a temper so I left before this turned into a worse all out screaming match. I am unsure on what to do because I want my future wife to be happy at her wedding, but I don't believe excluding my son is a viable option. So Reddit would I be the asshole if I told my wife that my son is going to be the ringbearer to my wedding no matter what her spoiled sister thinks.
EDIT: I have offered my SIL to have her son be the second ring bearer, and she essentially laughed in my face and told me " If I wasn't gonna make sacrifices to be part of their family then I don't deserve to be marrying her sister.
EDIT 2: I am going to have a talk with my fiancé tonight to determine if this is something we can move past or will this be the end of our relationship, because I will make it abundantly clear that my son is the most important thing in my life, and if she does not respect she will not be the step mother to my child .
FYI: the statement "This is my wedding and it happens by my terms or not at all." happened during an intense argument between me and her where I also said some questionable things so I don't want her to be pictured as a completely unreasonable person. She also treats my son well, and she is not abusive to him or me as some of you are suggesting.
**Update**
First off I want to say thank you to everyone who commented and messaged me. Ur answers were insightful and helpful. Now on to the update. I have just finished having a conversation with my fiancé. She was extremely distraught and crying as she felt horrible for the way she treated me and my son. She said that I would be better of without her. She said she had just been so stressed from the wedding and work that that night she just lost it and she knows that is not an excuse. i explained to her that the way she treated my son was unacceptable and that for me to be confident in our relationship going forward she needs to be absolutely sure that this would not happen again and i would like to uninvite her sister from the wedding. The only reason I feel comfortable with this is because she has been nothing but lovely to my child. She agreed and now my son is the ringbearer and my best man (thanks to your suggestions!) along with my brother. Her sister will not be attending our wedding and the niece will arrive with my fiancés parents instead. I also had a conversation with my son, without the presence of my girlfriend to know what he thought about her, He said, and I'm paraphrasing here, "Lexi (my fiancé) is super pretty and nice and she makes really good chicken nuggets(i agree). My fiancé and my future in-laws have also decided to go no contact with my future SIL due to what she tried to pull. Again i would like to thank everyone who responded or dm'ed me, your support means a lot. | wormhole222 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/kb5647/future_sil_wants_her_son_to_be_ringbearer_over/ | kb5647 | 3,860 | 432 | [
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2020-12-11T17:34:53 | OP's EX somehow has access to private information about OP from their daughter's nursery. Turns out OP's EX is dating someone at the nursery. | AITA | **This is a repost. The [original post](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k7snlb/aita_for_not_wanting_exes_gf_to_look_after_my/getih6w/) is by /u/Tertiary-Rage-Puffin**
Ex and I have been separated for nearly a year. Daughter (3) lives with me for the majority of the week and then has an overnight or two at weekends with dad. Im a full time student and work part time. Student finance and my job cover my bills and a bursary covers most of my childcare. Nursery is invoiced only to me. Although her dad is named as a person who can collect he has never had anything to do with the admin/enrolment. Ex doesn’t pay any maintenance through mutual choice.
Currently D goes between 2 nurseries. One close to where her dad lives and one close to where I moved to post separation. Covid has meant it has taken longer to change nurseries so she attends the old one 2 days per week and the new one 2 days per week. I do all drop offs and pickups. Recently he has been doing the odd pickup, maybe twice or three times per month. It makes it easier for me as I don’t have to rush back from uni/work to get her.
Ex was fine with the change until around a month ago. He now wants D to stay at his local nursery. In theory it would be ok but he is unreliable and I still have to take her in the morning, which then adds 2 hours and fuel I have to pay for. He asked how much it would cost extra to which I said a vaguely accurate figure. He said that was a bit much and dropped it. It’s not that I don’t want her to spend time with her dad, I really do, I just need it to be consistent.
Last week he texted me with her invoice amount information and suggested it wasn’t a big deal for her to stay there and that I had lied about the cost. I asked how he had got the information. He replied it was a guess. When I pushed him I could tell he was lying. At pickup I questioned the nursery staff handing over and she said “oh he probably got it from Aimee”? Aimee is a relatively new staff member in my daughters room. I spoke to the nursery manager, who went to ask about this. When she came back she admitted that Aimee and my ex are dating, that she was unaware of this and that she was very sorry and she would “deal with it”.
I may have been the AH here but I lost it a bit and pulled D from nursery that day as a breach of contract. They have broken my confidentiality with them which is unacceptable. I left it with her as “and you can send any owed money to Aimee, seeing as that’s how this business is run” which was petty but I was cross.
Now dad has now become difficult to deal with. Apparently I only changed nurseries because he is dating Aimee and I’m being jealous and preventing him from seeing D (I’m not) His family have become an echo chamber for this. I don’t care who he is dating but I care that he is using someone to gain financial information which is now not safe. The nursery is in a position of trust which they have broken. He has a history of doing questionable things with MY financial history so this is a huge trigger for me. AITA.
**[Update](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k7snlb/aita_for_not_wanting_exes_gf_to_look_after_my/)**
It’s been a busy morning. First thing (08:00) I called nursery, manager (Kelly) was already in and expecting my call.
Firstly she apologised profusely. She said she had no idea that A was dating a parent and that they have a policy about it which she should have divulged immediately. A hadn’t arrived at that point.
I stated that I was very angry about this. I mentioned all the legal info I had been given here and explained I would be reporting this to OFSTED later today.
At around 9ish my Ex texted me for the first time since Friday “what have you said to Ds school (he calls it that)” I replied “why”? And he sent back “because Aimee has been called into the office”. There was a bit of back and forth, he stated that he didn’t ask for my invoice and that Aimee got it on her own to show him. (Relevant) They matched on Tinder a while ago and then “met” when he picked D up 5 weeks ago. Apparently she wasn’t in Ds room then and D hasn’t met her outside of nursery at all and they’re not really dating, just talking atm, (covid). I’ve said it’s not about her or their relationship and he knows that. He then texted “probably going to knock it on the head later anyway”.
I’ve said he’s an idiot. I’ve told him he needs to put a muzzle on his mum and sister. He apparently didn’t know they were threatening court. I told him that I’d posted about this somewhere and the overwhelming reply I got including everything about Child Maintenance and questioned wether he has used my invoices to claim money from universal credit. He said no and I said I would be following that up. I asked if he wants me to take him to court, he shit himself a bit so instead we’ve agreed to meet later in the week and set out a concrete plan that he cannot renege on. I also asked to see proof of Ds bank account.
At 10 Kelly called me back. Aimee has been suspended due to the investigation and will likely lose her job. OFSTED will be notified on their end too as well as something with her DBS.
They will be looking at their policies, all staff will be expected to retrain through all the safeguarding policies and I will be updated on that etc etc.
If I still want to remove D from them then my months notice costs will be waived. I have confirmed this is the case.
At the moment this is it. That’s the tea | wormhole222 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/kb79bb/ops_ex_somehow_has_access_to_private_information/ | kb79bb | 5,490 | 279 | [
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2020-12-11T18:12:55 | AITA for not forgiving my son for what he did? | AITA | **This is a repost. The [original post](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ju7ikx/aita_for_not_forgiving_my_son_for_what_he_did/) is by /u/nocomingbackson**
So here's I (53m) have a 3 adult children 26m, 24m, and 20f. So im gonna skip the build up and say we were a wonderful family unit I thought my kids were the best siblings until 24m slept with 26m's wife and after the divorce they got together and had a kid. 26m won't even acknowledge that he has a brother and we have all completely cut contact with him. Unfortunately this means that I can't see my grandkids but when I last spoke to my son I told him " you sold your family for some disloyal pussy, I hope its worth it." Now I haven't spoken to him in about 3 years and we have begun to build my son back up to the man he was before and we were having a small party for his birthday and somehow someone who didn't know the story asked about his brother and I said I don't know and they asked what he does and I said again I don't know and they started getting upset with me saying that its sad that a father doesn't know anything about his own son. I told them that he made his decision and I'm not gonna disuse this any further.
Honestly I have missed my son but I can't began to think of how much it would hurt 26 to have me disregard his feelings for those 2.
So AITA
Edit: I apologize for my failure to communicate this effectively but the affair happened for about a year before my son found out and the divorce happened. This happened 3 years ago and they were those ages at the time of the blow up they are now 29m 27m and 23f. Exwife/wife is now 28 and was 25 at the time. They had been married for 4 years and my wife and sister loved her he was my wifes baby and the first one to get married and she would just adore any one that made one of her babies happy. When my wife died she took it as hard as any of us so I really thought of her as my daughter. 26 was alot like me he was brash and but hardworking but kinda unambitious. My wife loved that about him and they were always closer to each other then they were to me or the other kids, whereas I liked to hang out with the kids that behaved more like my wife my headstrong and highly ambitious son and daughter 24 and 20. They were my favorite children, they were the ones that I went to bat for when fun met funds. I know I shouldn't say this but they all know it i guess. Maybe thats what made 24 thnink that he could get away with anything with me. But I spent 26 years doing everything I could think to do to help my kids be good people. I hate that this situation ever happened but I do not support betrayal.
So I just got a phone call that I didn't expect. My oldest son just told me that he saw this post and wants to talk about what we should do going forward. We're going to talk after church and I'll see what he wants to do. I hope he's not mad at me for airing his business. I'm just so scared but I think this needs to happen.
And thank you all for the comments and awards. I am truly sad and humbled but I have to say that maybe the reason that other parents don't do what I did is because it is so hard and I think easy is the normal way that people do thing.
**Update**
I was asked how thing went with my sons. Well I'm not sure how to make an update post so I guess I can just do this here.
So as I stated before my oldest son saw this post. His fiance showed it to him and apparently this is the first time that he had thought about his brother in the last couple of years and hadn't actually thought I had kept to my word and not spoken to him (24). He had known that he was one of my favorites and expected me to maintain contact in secret and was amazed and shocked that I hadn't been lying to him all these years.
He is a bit upset with himself that he doubted me and was extremely apologetic for driving a wedge between me and his brother and I had to tell him that he didn't do anything wrong and it was 100% on his brother for how everything went. I told him I loved him and I would always have his back and that it was the easiest decision that I have ever had to make. Then him and his fiance told me something that I really didn't expect to hear, she is pregnant and they were planning on telling the family at Thanksgiving but let me know early and asked me to keep it a secret til then. So yes I'm going to be a grandfather. After I left my sons fiance called me and again thanked me for sticking up for him in that situation, apparently something similar had happened to her and like alot of stories below it went the way of the cheated being the one who was exiled. So I guess this is really as common as you guys told me I just never imagined it could be "that" common.
Thanksgiving was where everything went weird for me though. So we had a plan to have just the 5 of us at the at my home for Thanksgiving but when my daughter read the post that list went to 4 because she realized why I had been so annoyed with her girlfriend at my sons birthday party. Then while I was cooking dinner. I get a tap on the shoulder and turn around and it's 24 looking like he expected me to punch him (i almost did). 26 had apparently called him and asked him to come to dinner, I don't know why he thought surprising me like this was a good idea but I guess he thought I would object which I may have. 24 apologized to me but I told him he didn't do anything to me he and he doesn't need my forgiveness I told him he hurt his family yes but he hurt his brother first and foremost. 26 said that he had already forgiven him and that it was OK for us to all move on.
Now I have made it a point that my children never saw me cry. Not when my parents died not when my sister died not when my wife died. But I couldn't get away this time and I cried I cried for an hour straight my sons both hugged me and my daughter came in and hugged us all. Then I heard this little voice say why is daddy crying and I almost had a heart attack.
This small curly haired kid standing next to a person who i swore would never set foot in my house looking almost identical to my son. I didn't know what to do I was not prepared for this and this is not a person I felt deserved to see me like this... but the boy looked scared and I couldn't be mad at a scared kid so we stopped hugging and 24 went to the kid and said daddy's ok and he wanted him to meet his (24) daddy. He's a polite kid and he's way better behaved then any of my kids were at that age.
So yeah this has been a bad trip and I guess I have reddit to thank for putting this years long foolishness to bed. I just hope 26 is OK with this, I would hate to find out that this is a problem for him and that he is just doing all this for me. I want my children to be happy, and hopefully that is possible for all of us now but its only been a week so I guess time will tell.
Thank you reddit. | wormhole222 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/kb7zbf/aita_for_not_forgiving_my_son_for_what_he_did/ | kb7zbf | 6,905 | 200 | [
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2020-12-12T20:13:09 | "coworker tries to steal my tips" | r/EntitledPeople | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/idk46j/entitled_coworker_tries_to_steal_my_tips/) by u/TiredTeen2020*
&nbsp;
I work at a pizza place, the father named Johnathan, and yesterday our usual register girl was scheduled as a closer instead of during the day, like me. I already don't like her, as she never let's anyone else touch the register unless they have to, like the drivers for receipts. She also hogs all the tips. We don't have a dining area, so there are not alot of tips left at the register, but she makes sure she gets all of them. Anyways, I had received like $30 in tips that day (good tip day) and she came in, saw me at the register and the following conversation happened. We will call her EC.
EC: I can take over from here.
M: No I'm good. I'm signed in on register for today.
EC: sees my stack of tip receipts why aren't these in the receipt bin?
M: not thinking those are my tips.
EC: no they're not. No one gets tips but me.
M: No, whoever is on register gets tips. I was on register. They are my tips.
EC: you need to give these to me. They are mine.
M: no, I earned them.get on makeline and let me do what I was assigned.
At this point she stomped off to find our manager, and i had to start profusely apologizing to the 4 sets of customers that had walked in. She then comes back and says "SM (shift manager) says you need to give me those tips, and go get on makeline." Then SM walked up and said "no, I said you need to stop being a controlling 17 year old asshole and let her do the job I assigned her. You are assigned to make line for the rest of your shift. Touch the register today unless its to clock out or clean it, and I'm writing you up."
Needless to say, she didn't bother me again, and I earned a good $40 in tips.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/ig69qr/entitled_coworker_tries_to_steal_my_tips_update/)
Thank you for all your comments on the last one.
So unfortunately, I made the mistake of recommending her sister to reddit, in order to vent about their mom. She found EntitledPeople, and was reading some of them to EC. She read mine, and there was a shitshow at work the next day. (She had hurt her back a few days prior to this. Necessary for the story)
EC: You! How dare you slander me on Reddit!
M:say what now?
EC: IS THIS YOU! Shoves phone in my face
M: Why should I tell you?
EC: GIVE ME YOUR PHONE!
M: No! Why!?
EC: I'm going to see if you have reddit, and prove this was you!
M: my phone has private info on it. You won't get near it.
EC: GIVE IT TO ME! Lunges
M: dodges NO!
EC: OW! My back! This is all your fault! storms out
Apparently the manager decided to check the cameras when she came in with a note claiming she gave herself a herniated disk on company time. Never clocked in, was not scheduled to work, and she started the incident, so she was written up.
Oh and, SAMANTHA, try that again, and I'll rip your fake eyelashes off and glue them to your ass like tacky yoga pants. 😊 | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/kbvznn/coworker_tries_to_steal_my_tips/ | kbvznn | 3,050 | 363 | [
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2020-12-13T18:28:51 | OP's girlfriend is a massive manipulator, with happyish ending | null | &#x200B;
*This is a repost,* [*u/ThrowRAbabyornot*](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRAbabyornot/)
# My [29M] girlfriend [28F] wants a baby to break the monotony of quarantine
📷Background
My girlfriend, who I'll call Megan, and I have been dating for the past six months. It's, by far, the happiest relationsip either of us have ever had. Initially, I pushed back when she suggested moving in together, but we got a place together in February. I'm incredibly happy with the decision, and we're very grateful to have each other right now.
The past several weeks at home have been an unexpected blessing for me. As a freelance graphic designer, I continue working remotely and also finally have time to work on a passion project I've been putting off for years: a large paper sculpture.
Megan feels lost. She poured everything into her career and quickly advanced to head manager at an upscale resort. The coronavirus has furloughed her, leaving her without a job for the first time since she was 14. She says every day feels painfully empty, and I feel guilty that this has been so hard for her and easy for me.
The issue
A week ago, Megan said she had news she thought would excite me. She proposed that start trying to get pregnant. She feels now is the perfect time because everything is so monotonous, and a baby would be wonderful to look forward to. I was pretty shocked by this because kids have come up multiple times in our relationship, and we had always agreed that neither of us would ever want them. She says that her priorities have shifted, given everything that's going on.
I was starting to empathize with this major change in priorities, but then she added that when the lockdown is over, she plans to return immediately to her 80-hour/week work schedule. At that point, she'd want me to take on the bulk of parenting responsibilities because my job is more flexible. This upset me, and I told her that this might not be a good idea.
She suggested that my reluctance might just be a symptom of my commitment issues, which have caused problems in previous relationships. She pointed out that I had second thoughts about moving in together, but that turned out to be a great decision.
Working on my sculpting project has been so fulfilling, and I worry that a child might interfere. Megan says I need to consider her needs, too. I'm sincerely trying, but I'm at a loss as to how we can balance both our needs.
She would no doubt make an amazing mother because she's extremely dedicated to anything she sets her mind to. I want her to be happy, but I don't want to make a decision I might regret. Am I letting my fear of commitment hold me back?
# My [29M] pregnant girlfriend [29F] wants to adopt a baby
📷Background
My girlfriend Megan and I have been together for just over a year and living together for 10 months. She is 7 months pregnant with our first child, and it has been a joyful and beautiful journey.
She used to work long hours at a demanding job, but she's been out of work since March. We're so glad that we decided to have a child at a time when we're both able to give it our all.
Issue
A month ago, we found out it's a boy. My girlfriend was devastated because she's always imagined raising a strong and confident girl. I tried to comfort her by suggesting we try again after this pregnancy, but she didn't like the idea of getting pregnant again so soon. After a few days, she concluded that adoption would be a better solution.
She says she's really happy about this decision because it guarantees us a girl, and it allows us to start the adoption process while she's still out of work.
I'm excited to become a father, but two newborns feels overwhelming.
That said, throughout our relationship, my fear of commitment has always created problems. I was reluctant at first to move in with Megan or to try for a baby, but she inspired me to face my fears, and she ended up being 100% right. I love her passion and enthusiasm, and I know that she's going to be an amazing mother because she can do anything she sets her mind to.
How can I approach this adoption decision rationally instead of letting my fear of commitment cloud my judgment? I want to have a mature conversation with Megan that communicates my fears while prioritizing our family.
# Update: Manipulative GF (29F) was pressuring me (29M) to adopt a baby
📷
TL; DR - GF tried to convince me to adopt a baby after only one year together
My girlfriend Megan had her heart set on adopting a baby girl, and I was trying to be considerate of her needs. I somehow saw a strong future with her despite all the shit I now recognize as manipulation.
Last week, she told me that she decided on a name for the baby: Jessica. And all of a sudden, it hit me.
Yes, she used the word "decided." She never even considered that I should have any say whatsoever. I thought back to all the comments on my previous post telling me that Megan was manipulating me, steamrolling me, and gaslighting me whenever I needed my voice to be heard. Once I saw it, I couldn't unsee it.
Two days after the baby name "decision," I told Megan I was leaving and moved back home with my parents several hours away. Megan won't stop sending me angry, manipulative voicemails and texts. After the first few messages, where I clearly stated my boundaries, I've chosen not to respond. It's just so toxic.
An enormous weight has been lifted from me. I can finally focus on myself, and that's been so good for me.
It was hard for me to hear RA's advice on my last post, but I can now say that I sincerely appreciate it. | cherry5462 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/kcfqnv/ops_girlfriend_is_a_massive_manipulator_with/ | kcfqnv | 5,609 | 248 | [
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2020-12-15T02:23:18 | Christmas crisis with a positive resolution | AITA | Randomdoll | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/kdcnkr/christmas_crisis_with_a_positive_resolution/ | kdcnkr | 0 | 86 | [
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2020-12-15T17:52:25 | Loving partner supports new twitch streamer by pretending to be random viewer, then realises they can never come clean it was them. Internet decides to take matters into their own hands, new streamer has large audience and OP finally admits everything. | null | **This is a repost. The** [**original post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/kc34sb/tifu_by_being_the_only_one_to_watch_my_so_live/) **is by** [/u/palitodecoco](https://www.reddit.com/user/palitodecoco/)
# TIFU by being the only one to watch my s/o live streams and now I have to take the secret to the grave
&#x200B;
so about 2 weeks ago my s/o started live streaming on twitch and then was very disappointed when he had zero views. I my self don't play video games or know anything about twitch so I just said sorry and I sympathized. then I got the idea to look into it and see if maybe I can find a way to support him. I created a twitch account and started watching all of live stream and even commented a coupled of times. omg this made him so happy!! he came running into the room to tell me all about it. he has no idea its me. he now gets so excited to play and stream because he believes that even though he only has one person watching, that is one person that believes in him. COVID has been really hard on all of us and this is the first time that I have seen him this excited in like a longggg time. now I feel like there is no way I can tell him its me.
ugh I feel awful, I had good intentions and now I feel like I am hiding something from him and I am scared that he will be so disappointed to find out that this one fan was me all along.
TL;DR I tried being a supportive partner and now I am forced to keep it a secret from my s/o because of the fear of disappointing him.
edit : guys!! you are all amazing humans <3 he is so excited but trying to play it cool hahaha he is like " I have never had these many comments, idk how to keep up with the chat lol" you guys are so sweet and this is honestly the best day of 2020 for the both of us!! thanks for all of the awards and for supporting my s/o <3
edit: guys I might have to come clean to him, we had a secret together reddit but some are commenting about it on his chat :(
\*\*\*\* UPDATE \*\*\*\*
Hi guys!!! thank you so much for the overwhelming support and kind words!!! I was not expecting this to get this big like at all!!! <3
so after he finished streaming last night I came clean, I showed him the post and he was very moved by it and at a lost for words!!! we stayed up until 4:00am reading all of you guys comments!!! beyond grateful to all of you beautiful humans <3
I know some of you guys were asking for his link, here it is [twitch.tv/gullygunzttv](https://twitch.tv/gullygunzttv) , if you stop by tell him I said hello <3 he is streaming right now!
\*\*\* UPDATE #2\*\*\*
Hello beautiful humans!!!! just wanted to say thank you once again for all of the love <3 you guys are all amazing!!!
so the hubby has made a schedule and the web cam should be coming in anytime next week? I hope lol but soon you guys will be able to see his pretty face and MAYBE mine hahaha
Monday 7:30PM-10:30PM
Tuesday OFF
Wednesday 7:30PM-10:30PM
Thursday OFF
Friday 7:30PM-10:30PM
Saturday 7:00PM-11:30PM
Sunday 12:00PM-6:00PM | Greenfireflygirl | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/kdqjpn/loving_partner_supports_new_twitch_streamer_by/ | kdqjpn | 3,053 | 432 | [
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2020-12-16T22:18:25 | "Would it be weird/rude to offer to take my neighbour’s dog for a walk when I take mine?" | r/dogs | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/dogs/comments/kd4qap/help_would_it_be_weirdrude_to_offer_to_take_my/) by u/Mother_of_dicks*
&nbsp;
okay so my neighbour got a dog (black lab) and I have noticed they leave this dog on a leash outside all the time. Like no matter what time of day I walk past this house the dog is outside even if no one is home. They don't have fence so when me and my dog walk past he comes, wags his tail and watches us.
They other day was the first time I saw this dog, I had heard him before but never new where he was. Well his chain snapped and he came running to me. my dog is small so I was worried he was gonna harm my dog so I raised my voice a little. This dog immediately stopped and ran under a car to hide. He was so scared. I had to slowly get him to come back out. this reaction made me really sad because normally if you raise your voice at a dog. They stop but they aren't terrified of you. Maybe I am overthinking this reaction the dog had
Anyway, I want nothing more than to give this puppy some love and attention. So, I thought of maybe knocking on their door and offering to take him for a walk when I take mine. I mean I'm already going for a walk so it's no trouble to also take him.
However, I do not know if this is absolutely weird and rude.
Like how do I phrase it so it doesn't sound like I'm telling them I think they don't take care of their dog.
What do you guys think?
UPDATE: I’m gonna ask them about walking or maybe play dates in my fenced in yard and tell them it’s for my dog so he can get better with big dogs cause he is weird with them. Which isn’t a lie, my dog is weird with bigger dogs. Non-aggressive tho, he just barks a little and keeps his distance. I’ll update you guys in a few days on how that goes. Thanks for all your advice
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/dogs/comments/kdwj6k/update_on_asking_my_neighbours_to_take_their_dog/)
They said yes!!! They family was very appreciative and said to take him whenever I wanted and that I could take him to my backyard to play too. They gave me cookies and edibles and dog treats for my dog.
I can say the dog seems to be very loved and well taken care of. Family seems just to be busy | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/kejf2a/would_it_be_weirdrude_to_offer_to_take_my/ | kejf2a | 2,246 | 456 | [
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2020-12-17T01:03:28 | OP has crush on a long time customer. Reddit gives her the courage to give him her number. | null | This is a repost. The [original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/jfkl2k/i_really_really_like_a_costumer_and_i_dont_know/) is by u/\_Schwarzenegger\_
I really really like a costumer and I don't know how to approach him (original post - https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/jfkl2k/i_really_really_like_a_costumer_and_i_dont_know/)
He's a man in his early 30s, tall, handsome.
The nicest customer.
He's been a regular for four years and he knows our names.
He always asks if everything's going ok, he's considerate with the store's closing time, he engages in conversation with us.
Now, he's nice with all of us so I don't know if he might be into me.
I would like to ask him out for a few beers but, of course, I'm working and it's something forbidden. My co-workers wouldn't mind but I like to stick by the rules.
I get incredibly nervous when he comes. My heart races and I blush. This has never happened to me before.
So I'm looking for a subtle way to ask him or to give him some kind of contact information.
Update 1 - https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/jzmqhv/i_had_a_date_with_the_sweetest_man_and_he_told_he/
I had a date with the sweetest man and he told he was a virgin at 34
After having him as a client in my store for four years, I finally built up some courage and I slipped him my number. I'm 28F.
Since then, we talked non stop for a week, and I decided to ask him out. We had great chemistry, we talked for hours and we were drinking during that, so we ended up pretty drunk.
He walked me home and I asked him if he wanted to have one last drink in my place which he agreed to.
When I finally kissed him he was rather nervous and commented he had little experience in "these kind of things", since things heated up pretty quickly.I asked him if he meant he was a virgin, and he very naturally admited that that was the case.
Since I was pretty wasted, I came to the conclusion that it wasn't the best time for something so relevant in someone's life, so I asked him to come over some other day and do it properly in case he wanted to, and, well, he did.
I've been really unlucky in love matters over the past three years, heartbreaks and betrayals included. He's the sweetest man I've ever met. So even though I'm a really sexual person, I'm willing to take things as slowly as he wants.
I would like to hear some advice about how to approach this situation, since I've never been anyone's first, and I would like to make it special for him.
Edit: Wow. Thank you all for all the good words and pieces of advice. You really made up my mind about some stuff. I'll be sure to update you with whatever outcome. You are awesome!
Edit2: For the few of you that are saying that he's a weirdo for being a virgin at that age, I'm sorry you don't understand that every person's circumstances in life are different.
Update 2 - https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/keavrj/update_i_had_a_date_with_the_sweetest_man_and_he/
(Update) I had a date with the sweetest man and he told me he was a virgin at 34
Hello again friends! So it took a while for me to write this update, but things have been going slow between us as well.
And by slow, I mean in bed. Besides that, we had plenty of time to spend together and talk about practically everything that came to mind. I'm really happy I found someone that listens and has no fear of expressing himself.
We have decided to move forward in this adventure and even though it's a bit early we've decided to start a relationship. We thought that if we have the same feelings towards each other and since we're far from being teenagers it would be illogical to wait longer to make a decision.
That being said, as you may recall, my man had 0 experience with women, yet he told me he had a history of rejection since he was very young.
That has made him somewhat insecure and a bit fearful in sex matters.
Every time things escalated, his penis wouldn't become erect, but I made sure to tell him that it was ok and pretty much normal. So we did some other sexual things instead and still had fun. Sometimes even just cuddling was fine by me.
One day though, he had no trouble whatsoever, and I told him jokingly "may I take a bit of advantage of you?", and he answered "yes, as much as you like".
So I got on top of him and we finally did it! It was beautiful and sensual and we hugged and kissed for a while after it.
He's truly thankful for my patience and for treating him lovingly, but I just can't imagine another way of doing things.
Thank you all of you who have been asking about us or shared their own experience with me.
I'm just thrilled and, after a lot of terrible experiences with men, happily in love.
Edit: guys wtf, you're all so cute. Thank you for all your kind words and for the awards! If some of you are struggling with a similar situation, feel free to DM me. | fangirlsqueee | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/kemlxy/op_has_crush_on_a_long_time_customer_reddit_gives/ | kemlxy | 4,956 | 130 | [
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2020-12-17T09:38:01 | Teen is in the hospital and scared after testing positive for COVID, asks if he should call his dads | internetparents | *This is a repost. The original* [*post*](https://www.reddit.com/r/internetparents/comments/k2ebrb/im_scared_i_just_tested_positive_for_covid/) *is by* [*u/thatonekid0003*](https://www.reddit.com/user/thatonekid0003/)*.*
# I'm scared I just tested positive for covid.
So this all happened so fast at first I(16M) had a fever of 100F and I was trying to break it and it just wouldn't I then started having trouble breathing just walking around my house. Now here I am in the hospital tested positive for covid. I still have school work I need to do. My dads can't come see me. I cant see my Girlfriend or my sisters. Im pretty much alone in a hospital room for who knows how long. Im just really scared. My dad took me to the hospital and once my dad told them I might have covid he had to leave. Then my papa called me on the phone because I have bi polar and he was making sure I wasn't having a anxiety attack but it all just hit me now and jm really scared I want to call my dads but I dont want to worry them more then I already have.
\-------------
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/internetparents/comments/kdyncf/update_im_scared_i_just_test_positive_for_covid/)
# UPDATE] im scared I just test positive for covid.
Hey im back again! As of today im covid free!! Thank you to all of you for helping keeping me strong every time I felt like I wasn't going to be okay i looked at that post and everyone reassuring me that I was in the best place possible! Im going home Friday and then I start a 14 day quarantine. To explain a bit about my time in the hospital I was almost put on a ventilator and being in there for the extended period of time I found out I have Moderate persistent asthma. we never knew because I never went to a lung doctor. We narrowed it done they cuase might have been my birth family. My dads adopted me at 5 but fostered since 4. My birth family were abusive I dont remember much about that time but I know I have a scar on my forehead for a reason lol. Thank you all again I thought you all deserved a update! | dracapis | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/keuf9d/teen_is_in_the_hospital_and_scared_after_testing/ | keuf9d | 2,048 | 358 | [
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2020-12-18T18:03:35 | "My (27F) half-sister (8F) is very violent towards me and hates me. I have to babysit her, but I'm going to give birth in 3 weeks and I can't take it anymore." | r/relationships | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/k3hgmp/my_27f_halfsister_8f_is_very_violent_towards_me/) by u/throwRA556677*
&nbsp;
I apologize in advance; This post might be a long one and unfortunately english is not my native language, so there are probably thousands of grammar mistakes, sorry!
My parents divorced when I was about 10 years old. My dad simply left and I've never heard from him ever since that divorce. When I was around the age of 15, my mom met a new guy and married him. He and my mom have two children (aka. my half-sisters): 10F and 8F. The 10-year-old is a lovely girl and I really like spending time with her, but the 8-year-old is a literal demon.
My mom recently got a new job, so both my mom and her husband are working in the afternoon now, which means that someone needs to take care of the girls when they come home from school. I was asked by my mom to babysit them and I agreed. She helped me a lot during my pregnancy, so I wanted to do her a favor.
Here's where things get complicated. My half-sisters are very spoiled and basically get away with everything. However, 10F can behave herself properly, whereas 8F cannot. She screams for hours, bites me, hits me, scratches me and literally hates me. I wish I knew why, but I really don't. She has always behaved that way towards me even though I've always been nice to her. Last night, she even called me a bxtch and then screamed herself hoarse for 4 hours. (Yes, 4 full hours of screaming.)
8F's violent behaviour is stressing me out really bad and I wish I didn't have to babysit her, but I promised my mom I would do it. My mom and her husband know of 8F's violent behaviour towards me, but they don't see a problem with it, because they experience 8F's tantrums as well. She's significantly less violent towards my mom and her husband (at least when I'm there), but she shows a very similar behaviour.
My husband (29M) is constantly in a state of distress, because he wants me to rest at home instead of babysit my half-sisters at my mom's house. He's not happy about this situation at all, but I can't stop babysitting my half-sisters, because there is no other option. My mom can afford a professional babysitter, but all of us agreed that that's just not a safe option during a pandemic.
What am I supposed to do? I can't keep babysitting, but I also can't stop right now, because someone HAS to watch the girls. I really can't take this anymore. I'm tired and stressed out and on top of that I'm going to give birth in 3 weeks.
TL;DR: My half-sister is very violent towards me and hates me. I have to babysit her, but I'm going to give birth in 3 weeks and I can't take it anymore.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/kf3o79/update_my_27f_halfsister_8f_is_very_violent/)
I would like to thank everyone for the great advice! Most, if not all, of the comments highly suggested to stop babysitting my half-sisters, so I stopped.
It's kinda funny now that the title of my post says :"...I'm going to give birth in 3 weeks...", because I went into labour only three days after posting that. Personally, I believe that the stress from babysitting my sisters caused the early labour but I'm not 100% sure. The birth was okay and my baby is healthy! :)
Well, but here's the unpleasant part. I had to stop having contact with my mom and my step-dad. They wanted me to continue babysitting despite me telling them that it's unsafe for me at this point. Two (!!) days after I gave birth my mom asked me to babysit my sisters again. It resulted in a horrible fight because I said no and my husband had to kick out my mom out of our house.
My husband is very relieved that I have ended contact with my parents and don't babysit my sisters anymore. He's an amazing father and supports me a lot because he knows that ending contact wasn't something I really wanted. I'm not planning to NEVER have contact with my parents again, but I need some peace and quiet at least until the end of this year.
Again, thanks for all of the advice! I'll make sure that my sister 8F will get the help that she needs, but now I need to focus on my own baby. :)
TL;DR: I'm not babysitting my sisters anymore. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/kfq6mk/my_27f_halfsister_8f_is_very_violent_towards_me/ | kfq6mk | 4,256 | 412 | [
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2020-12-19T16:10:14 | Indian-Canadian woman and her Canadian Sister-in-Law engage in a series of cultural misunderstandings in connection with a request to borrow wedding jewelry. All ends well. | AITA | [deleted] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/kgah7y/indiancanadian_woman_and_her_canadian_sisterinlaw/ | kgah7y | 9 | 342 | [
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2020-12-21T15:51:05 | OP's dad went missing, and the police are being hostile to her attempts to get answers. [Warning: this story gets heavy.] | RBI | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/RBI/comments/c8a0k9/dad_missing_since_june_1/?context=3) is by /u/ellyriasand.*
Original title: Dad Missing Since June 1
Yesterday I found messages in my spam folder on Facebook messenger from one of my dad’s friends concerned about him. She sent the first message on June 8th. Then June 10th she and her brother went with the police to do a welfare check. Once I found these messages I immediately tried to call the number she left but saw on her Facebook that she died on June 13th. Through my investigation I found that she was found unresponsive by the same brother that visited my dad’s with her.
When she went with police on June 10th, they found that his car door was wide open, key in the ignition, battery dead. His front door was unlocked and he and his dog were nowhere to be found inside. Police went again yesterday after I called, they had to cut the lock to his gate and they found the same scene.
It’s a remote property and he let it get really grown over. A search is happening today.
This just seems weird to me but maybe I’m trying to make sense of nothing. My dad has been missing since June 1. I don’t really know the kind of company he kept either.
Just hoping to get some more brain power to help me churn on this.
**Edit:** Yesterday I went up and spent the day at my dad’s property with search and rescue teams. They brought dogs out and searched for hours but came up with nothing. The lead investigator took his laptop and cell phone and is working on getting into his bank accounts.
Last recorded activity for my dad is officially May 30. They reported him as missing and if no leads come from what they’ve got then it’ll be transferred to missing persons in a couple days.
I’m not as concerned about the brother anymore. I found out the woman and my dad met on a dating app (he was apparently very popular with the ladies on there) and they had a bit of a tumultuous relationship (as it goes when dating several people at once I imagine). She was in poor health and I confirmed that from a voicemail I heard from her where she sounded terrible. She apparently died from pneumonia.
My dad had some angry voicemails from his girlfriends. One in particular was super angry and followed up with another voicemail about how her new boyfriend didn’t want her hanging around my dad. That’s my new top interest.
My dad is 58.
**Edit 2:** The police are still 'scanning' his laptop and cell phone, so no updates there. His latest bank account activity was May 27. Apparently the police didn't even listen to his voicemails on his house phone (his main phone), so I went back to record those and to drop off a key to the investigator.
I'm reaching out to a lawyer soon because I don't really know how I'm supposed to maintain his property.
I did talk to the brother that went on the first welfare check with the now dead woman. He was very willing to talk with me. Someone wrote back to me from the deceased woman's account and warned me to "be careful with him" about the brother. I said I was sorry for her loss, and she told me that the woman "had a lot of people fooled". I got her number and need to follow up on that. Seems like a mess - and I know my dad recently purchased vehicles from that family too.
Currently I'm trying to figure out who I can trust in his shit town. Everyone keeps warning me that nobody can be trusted and it's left me feeling paranoid and alone. So I'm trying to balance getting the word out and also protecting his property.
I really appreciate everyone's advice and support. I'm surprised at how wonderful you all are <3
**Edit 3:** No real updates. I've been frustrated at the county's lack of follow up on the two viable leads (his latest love interest and the guy who went on welfare check #1). They also haven't gotten all of his bank accounts subpoenas returned yet, so we still don't have access to his large bank account. I blew them up about this Monday and they hung up on me and I called the supervisor back, who invited me down to come sit with them.
They basically sat me down to say that based on his medical history they think he probably just walked off and fainted. "it's not illegal to just walk off" - I continue to mention the mysteriousness around how his car and home were left. They mentioned all the hogs and bears up near his land. They also mentioned how busy they are with cases that actually have bodies. Very tasteful fellas. They're also hypothesising that when his dog died that was his last straw. Still doesn't explain where the fuck his body is.
Seems like they're trying to construct the "depressed man walks off" story not the "man using dating apps disappears" story.
Still have yet to get an attorney or PI - it's on the list. Everyone is really good at telling me what I ought to do. Meanwhile I'm just wishing I could call dad and talk with him about how crazy his fucking town and his friends are.
---
[**FIRST UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/RBI/comments/cx5zms/update_dad_missing_since_june_1/)
Well I just wanted to thank all of you for the support on my last post, unfortunately dad and the dog are still missing.
Technically his last activity was May 28 where he was active on FB messenger. The police still have his phone, laptop, and wallet (in fact they've been logging onto his Facebook account and really confusing his friends who then believed he was back online).
The most interesting update has been with the owners of the neighboring land. Dad would have them brush hog his land, and he actually didn't have running water for a couple of weeks (still doesn't) and his thinking was that they hit a water line when they were doing some work. Last myself and my uncle talked to him he was trying to get them up to repair it, but it didn't seem to be going too well. So he has several jugs of water in his shop and was showering at a friend's place. Would be a miserable way to live. I've reached out to them for more information on that.
Also regarding the neighbors, the husband came by to meet me on July 2nd when they did the second welfare check and searched his land. He told me that he was friends with all of the police if I needed any help getting information from them as he owns a lot of acreage in the county (red flag #1). He also told me that he had recently killed a bear that supposedly charged him (yeah right) and had apparently dug a grave with a backhoe to bury it (red flag #2). The police know about this and have used it to try and convince me about the possibility that an animal harmed him.
Most recently, however, the wife of this neighbor has reached out to me about renting one of the properties on his land. Dad wasn't living there and it's a really beautiful home - they had wanted to buy it from him for several months but he always said he would move up there after his dog died (she was old and smelly). He also had another family interested in buying the home but he was very protective of it and wanted to keep it for himself and for me. How fortuitous for them that now dad is out of the picture (red flag #3). The wife has been corresponding with me on Facebook messenger and has offered to get me in contact with her attorney (no thanks) and she also wants first dibs on buying the land once that's an option.
This was a huge shock when I originally received the message. On one hand, it's fortunate that I could maybe have tenants keeping an eye on his land and living in that beautiful home. The rent income could be used to pay his property tax among other things. And it does make sense that they would want to buy the neighboring land. On the other hand, that is a motive if I've ever seen one. Dad was stubborn and wouldn't give up the land to anyone, and now he's out of the picture. This family has been really helpful and kind, but it just feels sketchy.
I've acquired an attorney from a different county because my relationship with the police has turned very tumultuous. I've been frustrated at the pace of everything and have been very vocal about my disappointment. I've begged for access to his phone and laptop so I can follow up on the leads, but that's an absolute no. They've apparently met with the state police and FBI but I haven't heard any updates.
In fact, the county police asked my uncle (dad's half brother) if he would be their contact person because I'm so difficult - to which he refused and insisted I remain the contact person (thanks Unc). They're extremely dismissive and constantly talk over me, and every call I have with them is a conference call with at least 4 people on their side. Very frustrating to say the least.
They printed me a flyer of his missing person case, but I haven't been able to find it on any databases myself. They said this is because I'm a civilian and it's a long process. Whatever.
My attorney is thinking through the possibility of renting and also contacting the police about the bear grave (his angle is to see the bear's stomach contents - smart I thought without being too accusatory).
I've been getting a lot of questions about an update and thought it was time to post one. Let me know what you guys think. I so appreciate this community and found so much support here. Thanks for letting me air this stuff and get some educated opinions. Most of my friends have been avoiding the subject like it's the plague and it's left me feeling a bit isolated.
TLDR: Dad is still missing. Neighbor who recently killed and buried a bear wants to buy his land. Tumultuous relationship with local police.
---
[**FINAL UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/RBI/comments/k9cr5e/update_20_dad_missing_since_june_1/)
About a week ago I got a FB message from the neighbor's wife that a work crew had just found some human remains doing some work about a mile from my dad's. The sheriff and investigators went to retrieve it and called me later that day to let me know they were sending it to the lab to compare with my DNA. Honestly, I wasn't expecting quick results. But I just got the call that these remains match my DNA, and are thus 99.99% my father. A complete testing report will be sent to me when it's done.
I don't really know what to say. I just had a lot of support from this sub at the times I was feeling so overwhelmed, confused, and untrusting. So I owed you all an update.
Part of me is grateful that I won't have to maintain his 31 acres for another three years, but part of me is just sad that my dad spent his final moments without me. I guess this is closure in some ways.. not sure if my questions about what happened to him will ever be answered.
Thanks for reading and caring about me and dad. You folks really offered me some light during this time. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/khjybn/ops_dad_went_missing_and_the_police_are_being/ | khjybn | 10,775 | 417 | [
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2020-12-22T17:46:10 | OP's landlords have illegally evicted her by changing the locks on her flat while she was out of town, and she turns to reddit for advice on urgent actions to take. [Posted 10 months ago] | LegalAdviceUK | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/eymvyk/ive_been_unlawfully_evicted_and_need_urgent_advice/) is by /u/unlawful_evictee.*
Hi Legal Advice UK.
I've found myself in a sticky situation and a communication breakdown with my LL and him not performing any repairs ( I've had to repair at my own cost and invoice him ). I have no rent arrears but he's turned nasty.
I don't currently have the funds to secure a new tenancy and my local authority have been literally zero help so far! I was away from Wednesday to Friday last week and when I came home I found that the locks had been changed to the front door to my flat and a notice to collect belongings within 7 days.
I've spoken to my local authority who have said there isn't much they can do other than provide emergency accomodation. Citizens advice have said to go to my local authority.
But I've seen it's possible for me to get an emergency injunction to force my landlord to let me back into the property. https://england.shelter.org.uk/housing_advice/eviction/how_to_get_an_illegal_eviction_injunction
I have the form but so far it's confusing and the shelter site says I should ask for compensation? Is this something I need to do or can I skip this step?
Thanks Tina
Edit: also I'm aware Reddit isn't a substitute for a lawyer but I don't have the funds to pay for a lawyer and any court fees at the same time.
---
[**FIRST UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/ez8wph/update_ive_been_unlawfully_evicted_and_need/)
Hi everyone at /r/LegalAdviceUK
I just wanted to post a little update about what's happened in my rollercoaster over the past day. I managed to get the police to take a report yesterday and deal with it criminally against my LL, however they can't take a statement until Saturday.
Following some advice from a solicitor over the phone I managed to fill out a N1 and an N16A form and write a witness statement and got every single bit of evidence I could together.
I turned up at 10.30 this morning at Birmingham County Court and the clerk filed the forms and the judge agreed to a without notice hearing. I'm totally shocked how fast this all progressed but i've been granted an Interim order which allows me to get back into the property today via locksmith (which I am now waiting for).
A full hearing has been scheduled for the 13th at 3pm where there is notice so I'm now meeting with a solicitor tomorrow to actually go through what's what and hopefully get me some compensation for the ordeal i've gone through over the past week.
I just wanted to say thanks to anyone on this platform who provided any advice.
Thanks
Tina
---
[**FINAL UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/f3rpa0/update_ive_been_unlawfully_evicted_and_need/)
Just to clarify I no longer need advice 🎉 But I wanted to keep the title the same as my previous posts.
So I firstly want to thank anyone who gave me support while I was going through this horrendous ordeal.
So it's been a week since I've been back in my flat and it's been pretty horrendous. Some how the mains electric have been turned off three times in the cupboard in the ground floor that holds the meters which is really odd because this didn't happen once prior to this week.
The lock on my mailbox has also been changed. So I guess you can say it was a good week!
However the very exciting part is what happened yesterday. I went to my court hearing and my landlady literally dug her own grave and in her rage completely admitted to her harassment of me. Not only that but she justified it saying that I'm in her property illegally.
I was granted my injunction to remain in the property however I have agreed to leave on Monday the 2nd of March.
I know this feels like a whole lot of stuff and hassle just so I could remain in the property for a further 3 weeks but it's my flat and she had no right to just kick me out.
The icing on the cake of this all is a judgement for compensation and costs to the value of £5,765 which is a totally unexpected and life changing sum for me (assuming she actually pays this, I certainly think I have a battle to get the funds from her!)
But again thankyou to everyone for your support I appreciate everything from all of you.
Tina | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/kia5gj/ops_landlords_have_illegally_evicted_her_by/ | kia5gj | 4,304 | 434 | [
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2020-12-22T18:02:12 | After 8 happy years together and with a baby on the way, OP and his wife make the horrifying discovery that they share a biological father. They ask reddit if it's feasible/legal to carry on as they are and take the secret to their grave. [Posted 1 year ago] | LegalAdviceUK | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/d9m48k/discovered_that_my_wife_and_i_share_the_same/) is by /u/PlasticBagThrow98.*
My wife and I have recently discovered that we share the same dad. We have been together for 8 years and married earlier this year. We own our own home and we're expecting our first child in March 2020. Our bio father is still alive but we don't want anything to do with him because of this and because he was a shitty person.
From what I understand, my father who is persona non grata in both households did not remain in our mothers' lives for long and while I knew a brief bit of info about him my partner did not as he was an all around shitty person. Neither of our mums named him on the birth certificate as the father and in my wife's case she knew her mum's longterm boyfriend as a father while I gained a stepdad. Our parents do not know this and we aren't even sure if we should say anything. I will not disclose how we found out but I suppose I just wanted a bit of closure and her mum (who is one of my close friends) admitted to me at a rough moment that her daughter's dad was XX and how he was etc and this combined with other info made it clear. We have had a private DNA test taken and the results suggested we were half-siblings.
Despite this, our feelings for each other have not changed and we do not want to split. We have known each other since starting school and been through some hard times together. I am afraid what this means for us and our child, if that means he will have any health complications in life, my wife doesn't believe in abortion personally and does not wish to terminate her first pregnancy (nor do I want her to) so we mean to see it through and hope for the best. We are lucky in that we don't have a history of illness in our mum's families at least so hopefully that is better luck than some.
I know incest is against the law and I am terrified that we could be found out if anyone looked into our histories or if they (I heard they do this) take a DNA sample of our son for genetic testing to make sure he has no health problems and what could happen to us. I am not even sure what to do, except maybe ensure that we do not have more biological children even if our child turns out without a problem just to be safe and adopt or something instead. I don't want anyone to find out so I am keeping info to minimum and I will not let anything separate us and neither will she. What could happen to us, what can/should we do, should I just bury it? I am in england.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/gjjo0d/update_discovering_my_wife_and_i_share_the_same/)
I originally asked for some advice and reassurance here, last year.
I wanted to let people know that our child was born and is a healthy (but very tiring) baby, we have taken steps to check on their health and there is nothing out of the ordinary. Thank you to everyone who gave us advise and assurance. We're doing fine, or at least as fine as new parents can be. Our biological father has apparently died over the winter and hopefully anything he knew died with him.
My wife and I have reaffirmed that we will stay together no matter what, but we will be taking steps to ensure we don't have any more biological children to minimise the risk to a child. She has got a baby brain at the moment but if it did come to it we would consider fostering or adoption at a stretch. I don't know if we'd be looked into for that - it's not on our list of priorities right now, but yeah. Thank you. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/kiahj9/after_8_happy_years_together_and_with_a_baby_on/ | kiahj9 | 3,599 | 219 | [
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2020-12-24T12:15:24 | Writer Girlfriend is asked by her live-in Boyfriend to get a “real job,” despite her steady income stream. Girlfriend eventually confronts boyfriend. | AITA | [deleted] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/kjehu1/writer_girlfriend_is_asked_by_her_livein/ | kjehu1 | 9 | 455 | [
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2020-12-24T21:16:09 | A very young woman who's just moved to a new town has a series of increasingly bizarre experiences with an eccentric regular at her favorite coffee shop. [Posted 2 years ago] | Relationships | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/9vjxrb/how_do_i_23_f_back_away_from_this_guy_31_m/) is by /u/WrongCompetition.*
I live alone in a city and I've had some trouble making friends. I go to the same cafe every day and the owners have taken on almost a parental role since my family is so far away. I'm close with them and I trust them and they care about my wellbeing, so when one of the owners, Sara, gave me the number of another regular, Derek, I trusted her judgment.
I know Derek a little bit from spending time in the cafe. It's a small place and we both sit at the counter so we can chat with the owners. Usually, we sit next to each other. We've chatted about movies, he once helped me with my language homework, and he's generally in the cafe hanging out most afternoons. Sometimes reading, sometimes working on his computer. He's also friends with the owners of the cafe and has always seemed like a nice person so I certainly wasn't against getting to know him better.
When Sara gave me his number yesterday, she was selling him pretty hard. I asked her about the book she was reading and she said, "Derek lent it to me!" and when I asked about a card game she said, "Derek taught it to me!". So I said, "okay, I get it. I'll text him."
I texted Derek after I left the cafe and I thought it was maybe a bad idea because if things went south, it would be uncomfortable to see him in the cafe almost every day. But it seemed like Derek had already set things in motion by asking Sara to slip me his phone number in the first place.
Derek told me that he could use more friends in the neighborhood and that he'd like to get to know me outside of the cafe, so we went out for a few beers. So, last night I learned that Derek is 31, unemployed, and he sees dead people. He's a full-on weirdo, which is fine. I still had fun hanging out with him and I didn't feel unsafe or threatened until I got home.
In the 10 minutes it took for me to get into my apartment and get ready for bed, Derek sent me about 20 messages about how he wanted to kiss me and asking if he could come upstairs. I told him "no, thank you for a fun evening. good night." and went to bed. My phone died overnight and when I woke up and plugged it in, he had sent me more messages confronting me about blocking his number, which I didn't do. These messages were over the top and intense and honestly, they worry me a bit.
It's obvious to me that I need to back away from this person, but right now I have no idea how to do that gracefully. I wouldn't mind a friendship, but he's made it clear that he's interested in a romantic relationship. I just want to be able to get coffee and enjoy myself without any awkwardness.
What can I do? What should I say to Derek? And should I tell Sara that this guy freaked me out?
TL;DR: I went out with a regular at my local cafe and it didn't go well. He's maybe a little unhinged. I don't want to lose my favorite coffee shop. How do I handle this without any awkwardness?
Update: Thank you for your advice! I just went to have some coffee and talk with Sara. I didn't tell her everything but I told her I found Derek a little strange and she asked me what happened and I told her what he said about seeing ghosts.
I mentioned in one of my comments that Sara shares some of Derek's interests in spirituality and mindfulness. We talked a little more about this. she's a very open-minded person. Sara knows that Derek believes he sees and hears ghosts and said she wasn't sure if it was true but she didn't believe he was deranged. I probably misunderstood some of what he was telling me about seeing dead people because we weren't speaking English.
She asked me overall how I felt the date went and I told her that he was getting pretty intense, he's too old for me, and I'm feeling a little uncomfortable. She told me that she thinks Derek is a good boy but agreed that he can be a little over the top and told me to let her know if he did anything else that made me uncomfortable.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/a9ef94/update_how_do_i_23_f_back_away_from_this_guy_31_m/)
So I had been meaning to post an update about this for a while but never got around to it, and then last night something really big happened and I think its really important that you guys keep in mind that this is all happening in my second language, nobody involved in the story speaks English (Except Sarah a little bit).
So where we left off with my last post, I had had a conversation with Sarah about Derek that made me feel better. Derek later reached out to me, apologized, said he had drunk too much on an empty stomach and that he was embarrassed about his actions.
I'm sorry you guys, but I agreed to hang out with him again, this time just over coffee. Things were fine and he further integrated me into the neighborhood by introducing me to the people he knows and inviting me to join other neighbors for drinks and such. He opened up to me about a traumatic event that happened to him in his past and about his mental illness. He brought me around his family and his nieces who were all lovely. Other people seemed to adore him. I really liked all of this and we quickly fell into a romantic relationship.
Derek seemed to be almost flaunting the relationship around the neighborhood. I had one other conversation with Sarah where she asked me some questions about how I felt about him. I explained that I liked him but felt confused and that he was moving quickly. She told me, in English so I know she was serious, "Take your time." soon after this Derek broke things off with me very suddenly, and rather forcefully. I found his sudden change of heart very confusing and upsetting. A week after he broke up with me I asked him to come over to my apartment to talk about what happened and we agreed to remain friends, since we'd have to see each other around the neighborhood.
I spoke about all this with Sarah, who told me that she didn't know anything about it and said that she was sorry. About a week after I agreed to remain friends with Derek he invited me out for a drink, gave me a necklace, and we got a little bit intimate, but he clearly told me "Do not talk about me at the bar." which I found very strange.
This is getting longer than I wanted it to be so I'm going to jump to last night. Sarah and the other woman who owns the cafe are a couple, they've been together for 10 years and they invited me to spend Christmas eve with them since they knew I would be alone. I brought up Derek, of course, and asked them why they thought that he wouldn't want me to talk about him in the Cafe. Silvia played dumb until we had some privacy and then she revealed to me that she and Derek had had a relationship while he was seeing me.
At first, he had lied to her and said that we were strictly platonic, but that lie quickly fell apart. Sarah said that she wanted to talk to me about it but never had the opportunity because we were always in the cafe. She apologized that some days she had acted cold towards me (which I hadn't noticed) and she said that after a few weeks she had insisted that Derek choose either her or me. Apparently, he chose her. Soon after that, she ended things with him completely. The next evening he invited me out for a drink to try to rekindle things
So Sarah apologized to me. She said she felt stupid and like a bad person, but that she had been feeling old and unattractive lately (she is 50). I told her that I wasn't upset with her at all, just shocked and that I was sorry I had been so oblivious to the real situation.
So, I definitely didn't see that coming. I'm not going to confront Derek about this, I'm just going to let it go and move on. Sorry for acting like an idiot. I wish I could say I've learned something but I probably haven't.
Merry Christmas everybody.
TL;DR: Derek and Sarah were together the whole time and Derek was trying to play both of us. Merry Christmas. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/kjn04r/a_very_young_woman_whos_just_moved_to_a_new_town/ | kjn04r | 8,031 | 153 | [
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2020-12-25T18:47:09 | OP wants cancel Christmas for his family because he can't afford it | AITA | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e1oy5c/aita_if_i_cancel_christmas_because_i_cant_afford/) - One of the first posts on this sub. Reposting since the sub has grown since then.*
&nbsp;
&nbsp;
**Original: AITA if I "cancel" Christmas because I can't afford it this year?**
Title says it all , sole provider for family, all credit cards maxed, negative bank balance, upcoming missed payments until my next check, basically destitute for the foreseeable future. My wife and I usually decorate on Black Friday, but this year I don't want to. The thought of putting up our fake tree knowing I'll have nothing to put under it fills me with such a mix of shame, anger, and pain. I would prefer to just let December pass and cut out as many things as I can until I can get my finances under control. Plus, my daughter is 2. She won't know, care, or even remember one missed Christmas. So, AITA? I'm already a failure as a husband and father, so what say you here?
&nbsp;
1st Update
THIS HAS SPUN OUT OF CONTROL! I never thought my sad man pity party would get this kind of response. I was expecting to be called an asshole, validate my self loathing, and claw my way out of debt by working harder. I did not expect the absolute torrent of love and support that I in no way deserve or can accept.
&nbsp;
INFO (And I am so sorry for not making this crystal clear in the original post): Our mortgage and utilities are paid. There is food in our fridge and my next paycheck(s) is secure, even though it, too, will all go to bills with none left over for gifts. I pretended not to notice that we weren't keeping up our pre-child lifestyle without credit cards and I got in over my head and now have to dig myself out of a relatively deep hole meaning I won't have money for gifts and meals out and holiday gatherings and whatnot for a good bit of time to come. But, I have a great job and an outstanding family support system who all live close by and know what debt feels like and will understand if we can't chip in this year with anything but our presence, but it just felt shameful to have the advantages I have and still manage to fuck it up as bad as I did without asking for help.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e8w7e6/update_aita_if_i_cancel_christmas_because_i_cant/)
So, it's been 2 weeks and somehow the messages are still coming in. Thankfully the offers of charity have stopped (here's hoping they were redirected to their communities) but a good deal of them asking whether or not I stopped being a grinch and started being a good husband and father again. So, to get those people placated first, here you go: I DECORATED. Pics without our faces only, sorry.
https://imgur.com/H4b2Cak
https://imgur.com/QySEGOS
I also spoke with a financial advisor, who is helping me set up a budget for 2020, and a counselor who helped me realize that I was worth more than the goods I could offer someone. She recommended 2 separate therapists to me, and neither are taking new patients before the new year, so for now, my wife and I are working on our budget and cleaning out various corners of the house for things to sell. So far, we've gotten rid of some unused basement furniture, a mini fridge that has been empty for 2 years, a bunch of wine racks and paraphernalia (we don't drink at home since the baby was born 2 years ago, so no need to keep it around) as well as some other things and made about $750, more than enough to pay all the overdue bills, put some money in savings, and groceries in the cupboard. It's going to be a long road to pay off this cc debt, but we're finally addressing the issue head on and moving in the right direction.
Since my last paycheck (that covered mortgage and utilities, no worries there, for those who asked if I was behind, thank you) I have also been offered (and taken) 3 DJ gigs for Holiday parties. 2 for personal friends/acquaintances businesses, 1 for a charity. I refused payment for the children's charity gig, instead offering to give the money right back to the kids instead, which was gratefully accepted by the organizer. The extra cash from the 2 paying gigs paid down some more debt, and was enough leftover to allow me to have bought some nice new books and a Moana doll for my little girl to open on Xmas morning, (to say nothing of the bags of presents from both sets of grandparents full of clothes and toys, so she'll be fine from a presents standpoint).
Inspired by everyone's offers of charity, I volunteered again at Paul's Place in Baltimore, where this time I donned the hairnet and apron and served hot meals. Cell phones are prohibited inside, plus taking photos of yourself doing charity work defeats the purpose of said work. I also organized a food drive at my office to provide meal kits for Christmas for needy families, and we were able to donate 574 lbs of food to the MD Food Bank!
Thank you to all who reached out and made me realize that I really was an asshole. I let my personal shortcomings almost ruin a holiday for my wife and child. It won't be as fancy as our last Christmases, but I have a feeling that this year will be very special to me, no matter how little is under my tree. I realized that I have all the gifts I need, and I cannot thank the beautiful people who offered up so much charity to a grumpy stranger. I didn't need to accept your gifts to accept your love, and the offers alone changed my life.
Happy Holiday's y'all. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/kk3vb7/op_wants_cancel_christmas_for_his_family_because/ | kk3vb7 | 5,532 | 429 | [
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2020-12-26T21:25:00 | OP is out of town and grows worried when a close friend texts him that he saw OP's girlfriend out and about with another man. Some comments tell him to break up with his cheating girlfriend; others encourage patience and trust until he knows more. [Posted 5 years ago] | Relationships | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/2rbnd1/im_27_m_out_of_town_right_now_my_best_friend_saw/) is by /u/Outoftowncheat.*
A bit of background:
Well here goes guys. I am currently out of town visiting family for a week. My grandma (who lives with my parents) is very ill, and I wanted to say goodbye. My girlfriend, who I have been with for 7 years, recently had surgery and didn't feel comfortable traveling the 5 hour car ride with me. Very understandable, because she is still in quite a bit of pain. I've been here about 3 days now, and will be spending another two here at my parents.
My girlfriend and I have always had a strong relationship. We get along very well. We manage to communicate about almost everything. We rarely fight. In fact, when we do, it's is usually about housework...which admittedly is usually my fault, as I leave too much of it on her. This will me relevant in a bit: We had a fight about the housework right before I left to visit my grandmother. Since she had surgery she hasn't been about to keep up with the cleaning and laundry much and the house has gotten a bit out of hand. She is kinda a neat freak, where I am okay with clutter, and even by my standards, the house was getting pretty messy. I promised I would clean up, and I did, but she kept insisting more needed to be done. I thought it was clean, but it wasn't up to her standards. Now that I've left I can see I was a bit in the wrong, and I feel bad...and I've told her so via text. She seems to forgive me. She didn't mean to snap at me over it, she's in pain and is exhausted and just wants more help around the house. I only see clutter when I clean...but I don't think about things like vacuuming and dusting.
I thought we had cleared the air and were okay...but she has been very distant over the days I have been here. Ver little communication.
And now:
I got a text from my best friend telling me he saw her walking about a hardware store with some guy. He described him as tall, with dark black, long hair, and a full bread. This does not fit the description of any of her friends. She was leaning against his arm while they walked around the store. He saw them leave together and walk to the chain restaurant across the street.
My girlfriend has never given me the impression she would cheat, ever. We've always told each other when we had cruses on people and been open when other people expressed feelings to us.....and with her leaning on the guy....I'm worried, but at the same time, my girlfriend tends to lean on ALL of her friends she feels comfortable with when there is a lot of walking involved. She had a heart condition (now more exacerbated by her recent surgery) and she does faint on occasion. She always hold my arm when we walk around stores and I've seen her do the same with her girlfriends. So it may be that she was having a dizzy spell and leaned on to this guy for support.....whoever he is...
I've expressed that I'm thinking of leaving here today and coming home early, and after all day of not talking to me, she responded, "No! Visit with your family. You never see them! Spend all the time with grandma that you can. She doesn't have long left, and I'm sure spending her last days with you will be really comforting for her. Its flattering that you are homesick though and you miss me! I miss you too!"
I didn't want to sound accusatory so I sent something along the lines of, "hey! Dave said he saw you at (hardware store) today and meant to say hi, but didn't have the time." She responded, "I wasn't at (hardware store) today, just (grocery store)."
Admittedly, I was a bit suspicious. My girlfriend doesn't really do social media. She is a high school teacher, and all she has is a Facebook, she keeps it for professional purposes only and has basically nothing on there, so I decided to check her email. (I know, I know, I feel awful, but I'm starting to get worried). She had a few from some generic gmail around that was basically something like: Sugarlandman1234 There was no google+ info on the page. I also googled the gmail and could find no other accounts associated with it.
The back and fourth: Sugarlandman1234: sorry bout the email. Shattered my phone on a job and not gonna replace it until my contrat expires.
Girlfriend: that's okay! I totally understand. We still on for Saturday?
Sugarlandman1234: yea. Im free. Is the boyfriend gone already?
Girlfriend: yep! He left the other day. Shouldn't be back until like Wednesday.
Sugarlandman1234: cool. Sounds good then.
Girlfriend: do you want to get dinner or pizza? On me, of course. We will need some fuel, or I imagine we will be exhausted.
Sugarlandman1234: that nice of you. Dont know yet. Well decide that day? Ive got my dads phone now. He dont really ever use it, so I'll text you from there. Ill let u know its me.
That was the entirety of it really. Now I'm even more worried. Should I come home early? Confront her over the phone? Leave it alone until I get home when I was going to anyway?
**Edit:** some info that has come up in comments below. She just had a hysterectomy. She is only recently home from the hospital and doesn't have much energy. We haven't had sex since the surgery. She says she can't. I honestly believe her because I've changed the bandaging on her stitches and they looks painful. Other than slowly walking around, she can't do too much.
My best friend and his girlfriend (now fiancé) have all been mutual friends together for several years and all go out together frequently. He knows for sure what he looks like and that it was her.
I'm sure this is not relevent at all, but a guy can hope. My birthday is in 10 days.
**Edit 2:** my friend drove by my house. There is a white truck in the driveway...but the plates on it are from a neighboring state. It's getting kinda late there.
**Edit 3:** Friend drove by again. Truck is still there. Truck is from another state, but Girlfriend has family in that state. My girlfriend is not really close with her family at all. We really only see them on holidays....However, my girlfriends family owns a construction company. But their company lays concrete. I don't think they have any carpenters or anything like that. I could be wrong though. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt because she had never done anything to make me mistrust her in the past. You guys have been such a comfort to keep me level headed and I thank you. A lot of you think there is a surprise for my birthday, and I hope that is it. And many of you think she is cheating, which I hope isn't the case. I don't want to leave early and risk missing out on time with my grandma....Some of you have suggested I have my friend check up on her...but that worries me. Won't I seem paranoid if nothing is going on?
**Edit 4:** On Current Communication with my girlfriend: I have called her, 3 times, and texted her a ton. I haven't been accusatory just asked what she was doing and if she had any friends over.
Basically:
We live in a dead zone cell phone coverage wise. We live in a town surrounded by cornfields for miles and miles. We get spotty reception at best. When I last spoke to her she said she was doing laundry and working on a quilt she is making for my mom. Both the laundry and her sewing room are in the basement...we get NO service in the basement. A little while ago I got a picture message of our cat laying all over her quilting supplies, and one saying she missed me. Its possible she hasn't t gotten my texts because she has very possibly been in her sewing room all day. She can spend hours there working on projects and watching netflix. She always calls me right before she falls asleep when we are apart though, so I'm waiting for her to call me before bed now.
**FINAL EDIT:** Still no call from her, but if she is in the basement quilting and watching Netflix, that is no surprise. She can go for hours. No idea if the truck is still there or not. My friend drove by again around 9pm and it was still there. I'm not going to make him go out again. I'm thinking I will just come home when I was supposed to. If anthing is going on, I have proof. I'll update as soon as I am able or when I am actually allowed to post again. Waiting sucks....
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/2rnfbl/update_im_27m_out_of_town_right_now_my_best/)
Sorry for the formatting. I'm on mobile. Well here goes....
I'm going to pick up where I left off with the last post and detail what happened from there.
My girlfriend called me at 1am and apologized profusely saying she didn't realize what time it had gotten to because she was busy. (She normally calls me around 11:30 or so). I decided then and there that I was gonna save the texts from Dave, a screen shot of the email, and confront her when I got home. I weighed my options and decided it was better to be cheated on and let it go on a few extra days and spend time with my family, then to rush home or accuse her over the phone and find out she was planning something for my birthday....I think that would ruin her trust in me forever. Nothing seemed odd when she called. She asked after my family, sent me a few progress pictures of the quilt she was making for my mom, told me she loved me and that she would call me in the morning.
Monday morning my grandma took a turn for the worse and my brother, mother, and father all gathered at the hospice to spend the final hours with her. Somewhere in the very wee hours of Tuesday morning she passed away from lung cancer.....seriously people, put down your cigarettes.
We were really her only remaining family. My father was an only child, and she had no living siblings, and she had moved in with my parents awhile ago and hasn't kept in touch with anyone. In leu of planning a traditional funeral, we just decided to proceed with having her buried next to her husband's plot (something she had already pre-planned, paid for, and requested in her will) and spent Tuesday gathered around in the living room telling stories about her and looking through her shoeboxes full of photographs to create an updated photo album. It was nice, actually. My girlfriend kept in constant contact with me through this whole thing and talked to my parents as well. They love her.
During that time I decided to let everything fall out of my mind other than my family. It was pretty evenly split on what people believed about my girlfriend, but what felt right in my gut, was that she was planning something from me.
Many of you said I was denying any possibility she was cheating and had my head in the sand. That she was blowing this guy, fucking him in my bed, and that she was on some sort of penis-related carnival ride?
Some said I trusted her too much and that it would come back to bite me.
And many of you said I didn't trust her enough. That I was letting what my friend saw cloud my judgement.
There is some truth in that. Many of you wondered if Dave hated my girlfriend or wanted to get with her. I promise you that is not the case at all. Dave has been cheated on before and just wanted to look out for me. If I had asked him to confront her he would have done it in a heart beat, but even he thought something was up knowing us for as long as he has. I asked him to leave it and that I would deal with Everything when I got home. If there really was nothing going on, I didn't want to risk crushing her spirit when she was just trying to do something nice for me.
I let my girlfriend know I would be home sometime Wednesday...but I was gonna have breakfast with my family first. She requested I call her when I get in the state.
This was my intention, but I was getting so homesick, and I just really needed to see my girlfriend, so I hit the road sometime around 5am. With no rest stops and minimal traffic, I made pretty great time and got home at 10:30 or so.
As I pulled into the driveway, I saw the white truck parked there already.
I swallowed the lump in my throat and walked up to the front door. I kept repeating in my head that I trusted her and that there was nothing going on. As I walked in the front door (which enters into the living room) I locked eyes with the guy. He was sitting cross-legged on the floor in sweat pants and a tank top eating cereal off my coffee table. He looked younger than I thought he would be from Dave's description. But he had a full beard and long black hair in a ponytail. He nodded and said, "hey dude. Welcome back."
Which felt odd....I just stood there, staring at him, wading through the surrealness of the situation looking for the right words. My girlfriend then came down the hallway, smiled, and hugged me.
"Hey. I'm so, so sorry about grandma. Any chance you remember my cousin Max? I know It's been awhile."
I stared at him and I swear I had never seen this person in my life. I just had this sinking feeling and only replied, "I don't think we have met...."
"Aunt Ellen's son. The one that lives in (other state)."
And suddenly it dawned on me. Her aunt Ellen's husband, Uncle Joe, was her SECOND husband. She married young but split up with this kid's father pretty early.....Max lives with his dad in (other state) and Max's dad is 100% Italian.....which explains the hair.
All I could say was, "whoa man. You've grown up...."
He just laughed and said "yeah. I've changed a bit."
The last time I saw this kid he was a chubby, neon green haired, acne covered teenager in an tapout t-shirt. He really came out of puberty well....I Think I last saw him four or five years ago on Christmas.
She asked me if we could talk. So I followed her into our bedroom. She basically said he was moving back in with aunt Ellen and getting a job as a grunt with her family construction company part time. He wants to go to a local college around us and my girlfriend promised to help him fill out his FAFSA, polish his entrance letter, and study for his placement tests in exchange for some work. (He went to an alternative trade school for carpentry his last two years of highschool and my girlfriend's dad says he did pretty well.)
She said she had something planned for my man-cave but they hit a few hang ups and it's taking longer than expected.
She brought our x-box upstairs into the living room and has made me swear I will not enter the basement for any reason until my birthday.
I debated pretending I wasn't worried at all....but I like that we are always honest with each other. I told her Dave saw her out with her cousin and had me a bit worried about him. She just laughed and said, "I didn't realize he saw us together! I thought you meant he just saw me." She said they had walked basically around opposite ends of the store shopping separately. They only met up to check out. She asked why I didn't just ask her who it was. She said could have told me it was Max and still been able to keep the exchange of work under wraps and just told me about the college thing.
I basically told her I didn't want to make her feel like I was accusing her of anything, which I think she appreciated.
Max is going to be staying here a few more days longer than she planned, which I wish she would have told me about....but after this....that seems like nothing at all. I think she is a bit upset that I could even think for a moment she would cheat on me....but she said she was glad I didn't come flying home early kicking doors in or anything.
So I think we are good. Just in case, I'm gonna kiss her ass for a awhile.
**edit 1:** maybe I should clarify that max is NOT moving in with is. He is moving back in with his mom. He was already supposed to be home with her by the time I came home...but they hit some snags with whatever he is working on. He is staying a few more days to finish up then going home to his mother's.
**Edit 2:** For those asking why my girlfriend would not tell me why Max was over, she didn't know Dave saw her WITH him, she just thought he saw her in the paint department by herself. I think she wanted to not arouse any suspicion at all in me. He was supposed to be done before I even got home.
I remember her mentioning that he was in carpentry school. I didn't know it was part of a two year high school thing, and for some reason I was picturing him as a lot older than he was (I think I had him confused with his older step brother?).
I've had my brother over when she was visiting her best friend out of state before and it was a non issue. We have a pretty open door policy when it comes to close friends and family so having him over is a total non issue for me.
I see how it would be an issue for some people. But it's not in our relationship.
I think she just wanted me to spend time with my family and not focus on what was going on at home in the slightest. She was going to tell me about the FAFSA/college thing If I asked, but since I didn't, she just decided to keep it under wraps. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/kkq9sx/op_is_out_of_town_and_grows_worried_when_a_close/ | kkq9sx | 16,979 | 446 | [
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2020-12-28T20:40:43 | OP was abducted as a young child but has few memories from the brief kidnapping. She turns to reddit for help finding out what may have happened to her, resulting in many updates, ending with an interview with OP on an NPR podcast. [Content warning for disturbing elements] | RBI | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/RBI/comments/ect6gn/i_was_abducted_as_a_child/) is by /u/gdnqe.*
Hello, I’m hoping to find some help and guidance through this difficult process. As a child I was abducted and sexually molested, along with a neighborhood girl around the same age. I’ve desperately tried to find more information about this case in order to get answers and heal from this experience. However, my mother has refused countless times to tell me who the man was or what happened to me during/after my abduction. I believe the shame has made her try forget about it or at least try to make me forget. This happened nearly 15-17 years ago, when I called the Ventura County Office, they told me they only kept police records up to 10 years. I’ve tried everything from asking other family members, to even searching online, but I’ve found NOTHING and I’m not sure where to go from here. I’ve tried to google my name but since this happened when I was a minor and my amber alert was cancelled later that day, that my name wouldn’t have been included. What I know: I was around 4-6 years old, the girl was around the same age as me. So this must’ve happened anywhere from 2003-2005 (I’m 20 now) I lived in Saticoy, California, this is where I was abducted from my front yard (This town is close to Santa Paula so there is a possibility I could’ve been there as well) I was found at a park with the other girl. I remember the night I returned home to my mother she told me I was going to be on the news, but I fell asleep and after that, this incident was never addressed...
I’m hoping that finding out more about this case will bring me peace and help with my healing, I hope that one day I could be reunited with the girl who was abducted with me... but that may never happen. I’m desperate for any help/guidance/advice.
**UPDATE DEC 20 2019:**
I want to thank you all for all the love, advice, experiences, support, and help you guys have given me. This means the world to me and I never thought this post was going to get this much attention. I am overwhelmed (in a good way) and I wish I could reply to all of you. I made this post in the middle of the night and woke up to so many beautiful responses and I’m so grateful, I cried reading all of them. Right now I do plan on updating all of you as soon as I find out more information, I have started to remember things that have been buried and I’m trying to process everything in the best of my ability. Thank you all so much, this means so much to me.
**UPDATE:**
I decided to contact a few of my mother's old friends via FB, since my mother is a drug addict and I have no way of contacting her (plus I doubt she would ever tell me anything) and my moms friend had this to say once I asked her : https://imgur.com/a/t7WVtat she had no idea I was kidnapped which is making me suspicious on rather or not I was involved in an Amber Alert, maybe it was something my mother just made up? I do remember going to the police officer once I was at a park my abductor dropped me and the other girl at. /u/pseudoynymph told me that she found the article but I'm still waiting for her to send it and confirm that it's actually me. /u/invasionfromkat has been helping me these last couple hours, provided me with addresses my mother lived at and found the actual address in Saticoy. Weirdly enough, if money and drugs were involved then it would make sense to why shortly after my kidnapping my mother and I moved to Iowa. I started kindergarden in Iowa in 2005, making me 6 years old (my bday is August 18th 1999). So I must've been 5 when this happened.
**UPDATE DEC 20 2019 6:23 pm:**
New information was found, Detective Mesa ran the case and it was processed through Ojai Police Department, I’m guessing that’s where I was found. As for obtaining the records, the lady told me that I could only get my statements and it wouldn’t include the other girl OR the man who did the crime... Which doesn’t sound right, she did provide me with other numbers for Major Crimes and Ojai Department, as well as a case number... I’m really hoping I could get the full report that includes everything but I’m not really sure how any of this works, I’ll make sure to update anything new that is found.
**UPDATE 10:23 pm:**
/u/pseudoynymph posted this: https://imgur.com/a/cpYxWcU and this completely matches up, the ages, the location, and the man. His name is James Lewis Apodaca (also went by Jimmy) and he was 37 when he was charged. Did the math with the birthday given from a James Lewis Apodaca on the sex offenders list with the date of the crime, and it matches up. My friend did a background check (it only provided a little information) https://imgur.com/a/c62JBUF ... It says there's several "Unlawful Sex Minor" charges, by any chance do you guys have a subscription to any of these background checks? I'm going to request my full report on Monday and look through everything as well as share it here... But from what it looks like, he wasn't charged with any sexual offenses in my case. But it said in the posts found that James had to take parenting classes, so maybe the other girl was his daughter? Thank you so much for all the help and support, I'm going to see where this case goes and if there's a chance for me to press charges, I will. Thank you all, this means so much to me and all of you have been so kind. I deeply appreciate this.
**UPDATE JAN 19:**
Hello, I want to thank you all for the love, guidance, and support I’ve received on here. A few weeks ago I was asked to be interviewed by /u/endless_thread , a podcast hosted by Ben Brock Johnson and Amory Sivertson. I wanted to update this thread and share it with all of you. https://www.wbur.org/endlessthread/2020/01/17/i-was-abducted I want to thank you all, because of the love and kind words I received I was able to find the strength to tell my story and the strength to reopen this case. Happy New Year, I hope it’s a blessed one for all of you. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/klyint/op_was_abducted_as_a_young_child_but_has_few/ | klyint | 6,013 | 417 | [
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2020-12-30T13:17:36 | OP jointly owns/founded a wildly successful restaurant franchise with her father in an Islamic country. As father retires, the women in the family conspire to ensure that OP’s brother leads the business, vice OP. | AITA | [deleted] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/kn23wa/op_jointly_ownsfounded_a_wildly_successful/ | kn23wa | 9 | 300 | [
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2020-12-30T23:24:25 | OP wants to know if she's the AH for telling her grandma that she didn’t like the dress she was given by her | IAmA | [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k6p2i4/aita_for_telling_my_grandma_that_i_didnt_like_the/) by /u/BaxuSxuad one month ago:
I (F15) just got a dress from my grandma. She said she felt id want another dress since i don’t own any. It’s one of those dresses that have a lot of fluff. Puffy shoulders, a bow in the back, and it was a beautiful red, white combination. You know, a church dress.
I told her that i really appreciated the dress, but that it wasn’t really my style. She understood and said she should’ve asked me before she got me something, because she wasn’t sure. i told her it was okay and that i’d wear the dress at my Christmas chorus performance because of the color scheme.
She said she appreciated the fact that i said i’d even wear it. Apparently, one of my cousins (F16) threw a fit over the dress she got, so that made my grandma cautious of giving me my dress.
My mom said i should’ve said that i loved it anyways. I told her that i didn’t want to lie to my grandmother, and that it was disrespectful. She yelled at me and said that i saw was disrespecting her by not doing what she said.
Now i feel bad for telling my grandma how i felt about the dress.
AITA for telling my grandma the truth? or should i have lied?
&#x200B;
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kizomm/update_aita_for_telling_my_grandma_i_didnt_like/) 24 December:
I’ve taken all of your advice and have sent my grandma the pictures of my in the dress after my performance (which went well!) She said she was happy to see me in it and she enjoyed the video of my performance. I also ended up liking the dress once i actually put it on. It has a nice vintage vibe to it that i love!
As for my mom, she’s still upset that i didn’t lie, but that’s on her. Christmas is in 2 days and i’m planning on sending my grandma some copies of my baby pictures as a thank you for the dress. I really appreciate all of your supportive comments and advice for this problem. I wish you all a Merry Christmas, a Happy Holidays, and a happy new years! good riddance to 2020! | hexebear | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/kndhs8/op_wants_to_know_if_shes_the_ah_for_telling_her/ | kndhs8 | 2,135 | 118 | [
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2020-12-30T23:24:50 | OP is concerned for the safety of her young child and asks Reddit how to make her child afraid (CONTENT WARNING: mention of sexual abuse and stalking) | Advice | This is a repost, the original post was by u/throwaway321483284 on the r/Advice subreddit.
Link to the original:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/kdvg78/how\_do\_i\_make\_my\_toddler\_afraid\_of\_someone/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/kdvg78/how_do_i_make_my_toddler_afraid_of_someone/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
&#x200B;
# Original Post
\-
\*Throwaway to protect myself.\*
By the title, this probably sounds bad. It isn't, I promise you.
A little background: I was raped when I was 17 and I became pregnant. My rapist has stalked me since he found out I was pregnant. My daughter is 2 1/2 now and we have had to move four times since she was born to stay away from him.
I have an active restraining order against him, but it hasn't stopped him once and the police have not been very diligent. In their eyes he is just trying to see his daughter and they turn a blind eye, despite them being called multiple times because mine and my daughters lives were in danger after he broke into my home. Yes, this has happened more than once.
I work a full time job to ensure my daughter and I have a place to live and because I have no help from family, my daughter goes to daycare. The daycare is fully aware of the active restraining order and have a photo of him on file. He showed up to her daycare last week and I have been too afraid to send her back this week and have taken off work, but if I want to pay my rent next month, I have to go back to work tomorrow.
I trust my daycare. They recognized him immediately, called the police (who didn't do anything because he wasn't on the premises when they arrived), and then called me. So I know deep down that I can trust these people to protect my child and alert me if he shows up again, but I am still so scared.
I don't know if this is the right thing to do, but I want my daughter to recognize him and be afraid of him. I want her to know to make noise and yell, scream, and cry if he is around so that hopefully if something were to happen, somebody would notice that something is wrong.
How can I go about doing this? Is this the right thing to do?
\*EDIT\*
I have gotten some great advice. Thanks to many people who replied, I am working with an organization who is going to help move me far away possibly even before the end of this week. Thank you so so much.
&#x200B;
# OP's Update
\-
Guys. First of all, thank you. I can't say that enough.
Thanks to so many of you who commented different organizations who could help my daughter and I, we are now safe.
I got in touch with a few organizations and one of them was able to get my daughter and I on a plane on Christmas Eve. I left our things, with the exception of whatever we could fit in two suitcases and left without saying a word. We arrived that night and some amazing people from the organization were there to pick us up and take us to housing.
We can stay here for up to 18 months, but I totally plan on getting on my feet before then. They have childcare, connections to lawyers, psychologists... Everything we need. They had an apartment ready for us, with a Christmas tree and everything. They had presents for my daughter to open on Christmas morning and even a couple for me as well.
We have now been here for 6 nights and for the first time since my daughter was born, I have had a full nights rest. I have talked to a lawyer who is helping me get an order of protection so that if we were ever found, I know I will be protected by the law.
I feel like I can do anything. I can go to school, I can get whatever job I want, I can spend time with my daughter without being in fear. This is such a blessing. I feel like I can live my life.
For the past 2 1/2 years, I have been stuck in the mindset that to protect my daughter and myself, I couldn't act young. It was work and home every. single. day. Getting to separate myself from my terrible situation made me realize that I can be a responsible mother for my daughter and be 20 years old. I get to enjoy being a young a parent. It doesn't have to be so scary.
So once again, thank you to everyone who helped. I wish I could hug every single one of you in person. I am eternally grateful.
And so I don't break any rules of the subreddit... Any advice for a young mom in a new city? | Runtime_Terror | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/kndi2b/op_is_concerned_for_the_safety_of_her_young_child/ | kndi2b | 4,388 | 681 | [
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2021-01-01T17:04:10 | Reddit helps OP realize that her dad controlling her eating is very not ok | r/EntitledPeople | [https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/ko0v86/update\_on\_my\_dad\_thinking\_he\_can\_control\_my\_eating/](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/ko0v86/update_on_my_dad_thinking_he_can_control_my_eating/)
**Original Post**
Dad thinks he’s entitled to tell you when to stop eating
My dad is severe control issues around food. He must always eat more or have a bigger portion than everyone else (sometimes he takes smaller portions to be self righteous but then goes and eats a second meal/course that no one else is “allowed” to eat) He also tried to say when you should stop eating. Which always has to be before him even if he’s already eaten and you haven’t. There is nothing worse than when you’ve skipped lunch and you’ve found out that dad had a big afternoon snack because that means dinner is going to suck ass.
He’s controlling behaviour has given me food issues where I hoard food and binge because I’m scared he’s going to take my food away. I’m also overweight/fat.
I’ve recently moved out and one of the big perks is I have a healthier relationship with food. I binge less and eat less in general. But I’m mostly not consumed by thoughts of food 24/7 like I used to be.
This Christmas was actually the first Christmas I didn’t binge chocolate before and after dinner. I ate reasonable amounts but it’s still Christmas. Everyone except dad was telling me how they think I’ve lost weight. Yay!!! I left feeling good about myself.
Enter my dad. He called at my home today to fix my sink. As he was leaving he sat me down and went through all of the food I ate at Christmas and told me how much less of each item I should of ate.
I tell him to stop as him controlling my food will trigger me for a binging episode. He continues. I explain again. He tells me me binging is only hurting me. I tell him I know but he needs to stop. I also mention how fucking creepy it is for him to watch me eat and count what I eat during Christmas. He tells me that his right as my father and any time we have meals together he’s going to be watching and counting.
Other things he has done are:
1. Looked through my trash to see what I’m eating in my own home (that he does not live in)
2. Question what I’ve ate every day
3. Offered to order my groceries online for me so I don’t have to go to shops during COVID. He then “edited” my shopping list to meet his standards.
However I am slowly gaining more control over food in my life and I feel so free.
Edit: Thanks guys I was just ranting but don’t worry I know this behaviour is not normal and could be in the abuse column. I’m setting boundaries and going low contact but I’m not ready to go no contact.
Edit 2: I’m so unbelievably overwhelmed and thankful for all your comments, awards and good wishes. I just posted this as “isn’t he so ridiculous” post. While I know this behaviour is abusive he’s still a good dad in other ways and he’s pretty fucked up from his own childhood. I’m aware that at some point I may have to go no contact and that will be an extremely painful process. I’m currently following the timeline of a friend in a similar situation. Going low contact first is what I need to do.
I understand why you guys are downvoting some of my comments about how he’s my dad and I don’t want to go no contact. But please understand that I’m just not ready yet.
I’m not going to go into all the reason but a big one is my mum. Yes she should have done a better job of protecting me. But she’s a victim here too and she’s stuck. She won’t leave him because she made vows before God. Mum has a major heart operation coming up and I don’t want to add stress to her to risk her not coming through it. After the operation it will be a different story. I also do genuinely love my dad. Definitely have some Stockholm syndrome.
Another reason is that dad has taken so much from me and damaged me in ways that I may not be fully aware of. If I go no contact I’m going to lose so many other things that are so important to me. I’m not going to give him that power. I’m not going to let him play the victim of an ungrateful child.
When dad does or says these things now it has no affect on me. Because I’m out and I know it’s ridiculous. I’m no longer being brainwashed into thinking it’s normal. He genuinely has no power here any more. By going no contact I’ll be giving him some power. But I’m also so scared of being alone.
I am religious and in the past I’ve definitely had times where making a big move felt wrong and times where I’ve felt that nudge telling me to jump ship. Following that nudge has never led me wrong. I’m feeling that nudge about low contact and therapy (yay therapy again, I’m pretty sure I’ve an eating disorder fun.) I’m not feeling that nudge about no contact yet but I feel that it’s coming.
&#x200B;
**Update**
So I’ve gone low contact. My parents have been hounding me to see them since. I’ve made a decision to not eat with my family anymore. I’ve told my mum this and she sort of gets it but thinks it will blow over. So my decision meant that I’m spending New Years alone. (Due to COVID my family were my only option) and all my friends already have plans for zoom things so I’m drinking champagne by myself trying to tell myself I made the right choice.
Thank you all for your messages. It’s amazing how much your internalise and tell yourself is normal. I don’t like being a victim. I want to be that kick ass chick in the high heel boots that no one messes with. But I’m not. I’m someone who is so broken and worn down. I’m just so mad that I didnt get the unconditional love from my dad that I should have. I’ve spent my life trying to please him to get some affection. You guys being so horrified by my dad and his actions really made me realise that it’s not like my dads a good dad who is a bit messed up. He has fundlementally failed as a father.
I’ve been told for so long that I’m not a capable adult. That I will fail at everything I try. Ive been so scared to try things by myself in case I prove them right by failing.
But no more. I’m going to be that ass kicking chick and I’m going to conquer all the hurdles in front of me. Thank you guys for your “what the actual fuck” reactions. It really woke me up.
Have a great new year guys. Hope it’s a joyful one for you all. Sorry for the typos. Champagne and mobiles don’t mix. Xxx
EDIT: so London gave us surprise fireworks and since fireworks and especially the London NYE fireworks are my favourite thing in world (it’s like glitter but in the sky) my mood has drastically improved. Goodbye 2020 hello 2021 the year of nice surprises.
edit - added info | fuzzyrach | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/koeok5/reddit_helps_op_realize_that_her_dad_controlling/ | koeok5 | 6,653 | 293 | [
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2021-01-02T20:37:09 | 'Girlfriend won't admit we have a ketamine problem' | r/Drugs | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Drugs/comments/jr2ap0/girlfriend_wont_admit_we_have_a_ket_problem/) by u/kproblem*
&nbsp;
Throwaway account. Over the past year or so my girlfriend and I have developed a bit of a ketamine problem. Pretty much every night without fail we buy 1-2g and share it between us. It's got to the point where I'm spending all my money on it, and we can't seem to have a good time without it. She doesn't seem to think it's much of a problem.
She hasn't been earning because of covid, so it's been up to me to provide the money. Whenever I try to get us to stop she gets so moody, constantly pestering me asking if we can get more, and I'm reaching the end of my tether. I love her but she can't seem to get that I'm worried about our health and our finances. Whenever we talk about it, she agrees 'we can stop tomorrow' and 'just after this last g' but it's always tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow. I just don't know where to go from here.
&nbsp;
[**1 Month Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Drugs/comments/kob1nn/update_girlfriend_wont_admit_we_have_a_ket_problem/)
Firstly, thank you all so much for your replies on my original post. I've thought a lot about our addiction. I've accepted that the blame lies with both of us, and I was wrong to dismiss the fact that I was enabling it. My girlfriend and I talked about it, both apologised to each other.
Now we are 2 weeks clean today. I never thought I could enjoy life without it, but I do. I have more time to do things, I don't feel like shit from the moment I wake up, and I'm starting to enjoy non-drug activities more and more. We made a gingerbread house yesterday.
I won't lie and say it's been easy, because it fucking hasn't, but it's been worth it. I feel like I'm slowly getting my life back. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/kp5783/girlfriend_wont_admit_we_have_a_ketamine_problem/ | kp5783 | 1,818 | 469 | [
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2021-01-03T19:12:39 | "I was harassed tonight for being plus-sized." | r/PlusSize | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/PlusSize/comments/jpoqk3/i_was_harassed_tonight_for_being_plussized/) by u/nomoresmoothies*
&nbsp;
So let me start this off by saying everyone in this story is a college freshman and around 18-19 years old. Everyone in this story is sober except Natalie and the guy she is fighting with.
I share a room with 3 other girls in a dorm building, 2 of which are very skinny and one that is plus-sized, like me. On of my skinny roommates, Natalie, is quite popular and has lots of friends in the dorm. They decided to go out tonight and went to the bar. When the bars closed they came back to the dorm and continued drinking in one of her friends room.
Well, Natalie got into a drunken fight with them and stormed back into our room and slammed the door shut. Their room is across the hall from ours so they heard this and also heard Natalie start ranting about how all guys are jerks. This pissed the guy off so he stormed across the hall and started banging on our door. He then started yelling about me and the other plus-size roommate, Sarah. He said a lot of stuff but the most hurtful things are what I typed out below.
“Let me in fat-ass I need to talk to Natalie. I know you’re busy stuffing your face with donuts right now but take a break from pigging out and let me in.”
“Are you too fat to walk to the door? Are you to fat to even stand up?”
“You weigh over 200 pounds, you can’t even be considered a girl. You’re a waste of life.”
Y’all. This hurt so much to hear. Both me and Sarah were nearby the door so we heard everything he said. Some other friends of ours were in our room so I tried not to cry, but I definitely teared up. The worst part of all of this is that me and Sarah have never met this guy. He only knows Natalie, which means he had to find out we’re plus-sized from her. It makes me wonder if Natalie has been talking bad about us.
I know it is not healthy to be this big at my age and I am working on losing weight. I have actually lost about 25 pounds so far, but hearing this guy call me a fat ass made me feel like I have lost nothing. I know I shouldn’t listen to him but it’s hard not to, especially when his words are true. I am fat, I am over 200 pounds. Maybe I am a waste of life.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/PlusSize/comments/jq1f5n/update_i_was_harassed_for_being_plussized/)
So many of you commented sweet and helpful things on my post and I am so thankful for all of them. I didn’t reply to very many, but I read each and every one. Also, thank you to the sweet girls who messaged me and gave me a safe space to vent. That is greatly appreciated!
As far as this update goes, I’m sure many of you will be disappointed that me and Sarah decided not to report the guy to campus security/ the police. Everyone drinking was underage and having alcohol in the dorms is illegal and could possibly get you kicked out of school.
Natalie has a stash of alcohol in our room (as do me and Sarah) so we decided it would be best to not have the police come out. Instead, we called some of our other guy friends who told the drunk guy to piss off and leave us alone. His friends took him back to his room and we didn’t hear from him again that night.
I sat down with Natalie this morning and asked her how the guy knew us. She told me that he follows her on Instagram and had most likely seen the pictures she had posted of us together. Natalie got very emotional when I told her what he had said to me and Sarah. She started apologizing and said that she should have done something last night but was too drunk.
I asked her what their fight was about and it turns out he had started touching Natalie, trying to get her to spend the night, and sleep with him against her will. I felt so bad for her. I automatically assumed the worst, that she had been badmouthing me and Sarah, when in reality this guy was just mad he couldn’t get his dick wet and wanted to take it out on whoever he could.
We hugged and made up, and she made a promise to never hang out with the guy again. Me and Sarah also decided that if he comes back to our room again, to harass us or Natalie, that we will just stash our alcohol in a friends room and call the cops on him. | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/kpqr8t/i_was_harassed_tonight_for_being_plussized/ | kpqr8t | 4,263 | 335 | [
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2021-01-05T13:04:40 | Hamster owner asks for feedback on his set-up, ends up having to upgrade everything | Pets | Relevant info: dwarf hamsters need an habitat of 50cmX80cm of continuous space minimum.
*This is a repost. The original* [*post*](https://www.reddit.com/r/Pets/comments/icvyuj/rate_my_hamster_setup_im_always_open_to_more/) *is by* u/bisexual-distress
**Rate my hamster setup? I'm always open to more suggestions!**
[pic](https://preview.redd.it/9xnv0njjt0i51.jpg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1cd46ccdfa14a3536ef63a1951fd48521a1e36b7)
Kept up high to keep my dwarf hamster safe from the cat! I tried to keep the basics in mind, a single cage is way too small, as little plastics as possible, adequate bar spacing..
[pic](https://preview.redd.it/sreijrqjt0i51.jpg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=be776b68a082fe60ba02ef399289711528397876)
This has the deepest bedding the cage will allow, mostly geared towards him sleeping, with all the wicker hidey holes to choose from
[pic](https://preview.redd.it/af4xlayjt0i51.jpg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1bdde07c0303f321c8f9ce3e158f8b41356cf809)
This one is mostly a feeding station for him, and access to a bunch of tubes
[pic](https://preview.redd.it/k0pxgr5kt0i51.jpg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=827102a6f45869241964a8a412db59afc475eee8)
An outer view of his sleeping cage
[pic](https://preview.redd.it/m16tuzckt0i51.jpg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=597973ee47d9ac9a13d11ddee5968562e9cf8cb0)
This one is mostly for exercise, hence why his water bottle is closest. It has his own set of tubes, too.
\[*comments (including mine) telling OP why his setup had to change, and quick*\]
*OP's comments*:
>I definitely appreciate the recommendation! I mostly went with wire cages out of convenience, but tried to pick a bar spacing too small to get his little teeth into, to avoid that issue, and go with multiple all hooked up to give him more space. Once I move, though, and have the space, I'll look into a big bin cage! I did try to give him a sand bath before, but he seemed afraid of it, so I omitted it. He's a very silly hamster.
&#x200B;
>Yeah, I'm definitely trying to look into a bigger, deeper cage for him to add to the setup, but the pre-made ones like this that are that big seem to not have a tube attachment anywhere, and I don't really wanna give up all those cages he has, only add to it to give him MORE space, so I'll probably have to make it myself. Definitely willing to, I just don't quite have the ability YET
&#x200B;
>\[...\] I'm definitely looking into big setup for him once I move! Hopefully, within the year. Quite a bit longer than I'd like for being able to upgrade him, but given that there's 3 people in this tiny apartment and space is a real premium, especially safe from my cat, I'm not sure I have much of a choice. I'm looking into every option I can possibly do right now, though, hopefully I'll find SOMETHING I can do now, I'm early in my newly enlightened proper enclosure research
\------------
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/Pets/comments/ig21qr/bravoure_update_got_everything_for_a_bin_cage/)
**Bravoure update! Got everything for a bin cage!**
[pic](https://preview.redd.it/1ga48140s1j51.jpg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c1dce6daabadb331d8792c3ec685186612fce338)
Thank you SO much to everyone who helped educate me on my last post. I've now learned that several small cages do NOT replace one big cage, like the one I'm now making!
[pic](https://preview.redd.it/e1rnffb0s1j51.jpg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1479c7ef3c4812dffe3931a7c670ead043621540)
I'm going to repurpose the wire from his cages into this one! I also bought a few new toys for him. Thanks again to everyone who helped me learn from my mistakes! I'll update soon!
\------------
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/Pets/comments/ig6wnw/final_update_on_bravoures_new_bin_cage/)
**Final update on Bravoure's new bin cage!**
[pic](https://preview.redd.it/p42eyun5g3j51.jpg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5466a4435256fc7e641a6c1e91a002877b68c964)
I have his bedding slightly lower by the wheel, but it's about 5-6 inches deep on the other side, and I added his old bedding afterwards, too, since I wanted to make him comfy!
[pic](https://preview.redd.it/d8vyt0v5g3j51.jpg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=291e7d4e355e1d4ea710cabcb343d988ed6ec81f)
I put his water bottle on the outside with holes poked to mount it, purely to make it easier to fill for him. He doesn't drink much, so it's smaller, but perfect for him
[pic](https://preview.redd.it/eijkpw16g3j51.jpg?width=960&crop=smart&auto=webp&s=f2aef5f632faa5cc9ea3e513848efd243092fcde)
His wheel is also mounted to the wall with a little wire fixture that's invisible from the front! Silly boy gets scared with it on a stand, for some reason.
[pic](https://preview.redd.it/x5u3qq86g3j51.jpg?width=960&crop=smart&auto=webp&s=29075659d8d3f6911a062bc53226179291200336)
Added all of his toys and hides, plus a few new ones I got today! I also gave him some of the tubes! I know his sand bath is empty, I'm getting new sand next week, no worries
[pic](https://preview.redd.it/r7kxt7i6g3j51.jpg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c178413085c77d3d2d31a48167a9d753452abc96)
Here he is inside it! He is zooming!
[pic](https://preview.redd.it/xtjd9fq6g3j51.jpg?width=960&crop=smart&auto=webp&s=c738dd15409c2e508d7fb4eeeeccbcf0401e4080)
THIS IS NOT FINISHED!!! I just have to be done for tonight, my arthritis is killing me, I won't bother posting picks of just my literal hack job added ventilation
*OP's comments*:
>I am so lucky to have wonderful friends more financially stable willing to pool the money I needed to do this ASAP for little Bravoure. He seems to love it already, but is very confused why this new cage won't let him climb anymore, but he doesn't seem to mind too much. I may upgrade a little more one day, since it's a LITTLE too short to comfortably have a full sized hamster one day, if I so wanted, but he's more than happy with his big space, already seems way more content from his several smaller cages! I cannot thank you enough, along with everyone else, for being so polite and helpful in explaining what I was doing wrong and directing me to sources to help me learn better!
\------------
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/Pets/comments/jiabkf/i_posted_here_forever_ago_with_questions_about/)
**I posted here forever ago with questions about how to make Bravoure a better home, so it's only fitting I share his final home!**
[pic](https://preview.redd.it/fokuwzsn6ev51.jpg?width=960&crop=smart&auto=webp&s=8662cf6188bbd8229e3df8a6fcbc1328190297db)
I got him the Savic Hamster Plaza, since my grandma had enough money to spare to get a used one, and he's loving the space AND ability to climb!
[pic](https://preview.redd.it/qjvdzt0o6ev51.jpg?width=640&crop=smart&auto=webp&s=62166f84d277f6f130f324df99f9f9e5b90aae7f)
He's definitely a senior, I've had him for a year and a half, but he's just as energetic as he was that very first day, him eating is really the only time I can take pics
[pic](https://preview.redd.it/vvfwr88o6ev51.jpg?width=640&crop=smart&auto=webp&s=7eff178b05211d26f45d1b5d3fe75b28f3ace550)
He's normally super aggressive, and has been since I got him, but he accepted a treat from my hand today, so I think he's really happy and relaxed! | dracapis | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/kqy3v4/hamster_owner_asks_for_feedback_on_his_setup_ends/ | kqy3v4 | 7,489 | 200 | [
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2021-01-05T19:46:08 | [Update] Is it arson if I burn down a building that I own? | LegalAdvice | [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/i9lnwg/tn_is_it_arson_if_i_burn_down_a_building_that_i/) by u/lgldvcthrw to r/legaladvice four months ago
I just inherited my father's farm. It has a barn where my father used to spend time away from us drinking and yelling. Also it's where he would bring me and my siblings to give us beatings and lock us up for the night when he was mad at us. My brother and I want to burn down the barn with some of my father's possessions inside to relieve ourselves of the memories. Can we pour gasoline and set the barn on fire or would it be arson? Thank you.
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/kr0s0l/update_is_it_arson_if_i_burn_down_a_building_that/) posted January 5, 2020
Hi everyone, came here to give an update as many people asked.
The burning of the barn finally happened! We went to the fire department and asked about a controlled burn. They said it might be OK under certain conditions but they had to do an inspection first. They made us remove all that could have produced toxic fumes and pollution, like old tires and the ruins of a tractor. The wood was dry and there was almost no paint left so they said it was fine to burn. They were actually glad for the opportunity because they had a new guy to train. They said they would do protection of the other buildings and nearby bush and it would be a productive training session for them.
When the day finally came they let us start the fire (more of a symbol than anything, they did the "real" starting for safety reasons). The fire had to be helped a bit because it had rained a lot the days before, but then the whole barn was engulfed at once, it was beautiful in a way. I must say it burned spectacularly well, there was almost nothing left in the end, which is exactly what we wanted. For those of you who were worried about us burning valuable stuff, we did keep some tools and a pile of boards that we will sell but there wasn't much more than that, except if you can find value in porn magazines from the 80s, empty bottles and nude girls calendars. These were my father's possessions so we had a lot of pleasure in letting them burn. We added his clothes for good measure. We likely could have sold more of the barn wood, but there was more purpose for us in burning it all down. Probably won't solve the deeper issues of what our father did but it did bring some relief and some sense of closure.
Unfortunately we couldn't throw the big BBQ party we wanted for the fire department (we did have some beer though) because of Covid restrictions, but we all decided to do it later, hopefully next summer. The firemen were real bros, really cool but professional, and they seemed to have as much fun as we did. We're really thankful for their help, you rock guys. | Jay_Edgar | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/kr626p/update_is_it_arson_if_i_burn_down_a_building_that/ | kr626p | 2,814 | 700 | [
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2021-01-06T23:05:21 | Uber overcharging my fare by £400 - from r/LegalAdviceUK | Other | [removed] | Jay_Edgar | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/krzlmy/uber_overcharging_my_fare_by_400_from/ | krzlmy | 9 | 0 | [
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2021-01-07T14:06:19 | AITA for not reimbursing my brother for an air mattress | null | This is a repost. The [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kl6mc4/aita_for_not_reimbursing_my_brother_for_an_air/)
is by [/u/AirMattressAH](/u/AirMattressAH)
This happened around Thanksgiving but I'm still getting shit about it from my family.
I'm a 27 year old woman who lives in a one bedroom apartment by myself. My brother (24) and his SO (22) have lived on the opposite side of the country (US) for a few years and decided to fly over to see their respective families, both of whom live around the same area. Neither my brother nor his girlfriend felt comfortable staying with their parents due to Covid, so I offered them my apartment while I stayed with my SO for the week. Everyone was happy with this arrangement.
We never talked about it specifically before they arrived so I just assumed that they would sleep in my queen-sized bed. I have a couple of couches in the living area and while they are comfortable enough, they aren't designed to be sofa beds. The morning they arrived, I cleaned the apartment and changed the bedding. When they got to my apartment, my brother asked where they should sleep and I indicated the bed. He sort of laughed at first, and then realized I was serious and got really angry (his girlfriend didn't say much but looked mortified). My brother kept saying that there was no way they were sleeping in my bed and it was disgusting for me to offer. I told him that everything was clean, and reminded him that they'd have the apartment to themselves. He just kept saying he couldn't believe it, and finally snapped that they'd have to make do with the couch.
I left quickly without further discussion because I was confused and pretty upset. That night, my brother called me and said the couches were impossible to sleep on. He said that he and his girlfriend needed to purchase an air mattress and requested that I reimburse him the $55 they paid for it. By now I was really pissed off and refused. I asked him again why they didn't just take the bed and he said that "if I really had to ask, I have major issues." I said that I didn't care what they did or did not do in the bed, we are all adults and should act accordingly. He called me disgusting again and hung up.
My parents found out and agree that I should pay for the air mattress, because I wasn't adequately prepared for their arrival. My mother especially keeps insinuating that what I did was gross and unfair, and I should have known better. My brother has let it be known that our relationship won't go back to normal until I apologize and reimburse him and his girlfriend.
I know my family can be kind of weird and uptight so I asked my SO and some friends for their perspective. My boyfriend says he can "see both sides" and my friends are basically siding with my parents and brother, saying that it would be inappropriate for me to sleep in the same bed that my brother and his girlfriend previously shared.
Edit: A lot of people are asking if we belong to some weird culture where siblings aren't able to share beds. We do not, and my family has never been religious anyway, but as I stated in my post they are REALLY uptight. Like, we learned about the birds and bees but sex was always presented as something unpleasant and nasty. My brother and I never discuss each other's sexuality/sexual lives, which imo is normal, but it's pretty clear he has some major hangups.
My boyfriend is a lot more open about sex, but he's also very attuned to when people feel uncomfortable and says that even though he disagrees with their reasoning, he can understand why they might not want to sleep in my bed. He thinks I should just pay the $55 to keep the peace.
My friends, no idea lol.
**[Update]**(https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ks09e2/update_aita_for_not_reimbursing_my_brother_for_an/)
So I have an update for y'all--good news and bad (insane) news.
Good news first: My and my brother's relationship is back to normal, or as normal as possible for our family. It's well understood that I'm not going to pay him for the mattress. I also showed him everyone's responses and he conceded that he "may have overreacted about this" which is as close as I'm getting to an apology. (He also said that it's a classic example of a reddit circlejerk but I'll take what I can get.)
Insane news: The reason I posted on AITA to begin with was because I was so taken aback by one of my friend's reactions, let's call her Claire. She went to middle and high school with me and my brother, although they aren't close. Claire seemed so completely adamant that offering my bed was inappropriate that I thought I might be in the wrong.
We haven't spoken since I mentioned the situation to her and I didn't think anything of it, until my phone started blowing up this past weekend. Long story short, Claire texted some mutual friends, my parents, and MY BOSS (who she doesn't know at all) that she believes me and my brother are having an improper relationship. To be clear, this is wildly out of character and I have reason to believe she's undergoing some sort of mental health crisis.
Thankfully, my brother and family are being very supportive. So are my other friends and BF. My boss not so much, and I'm dreading my upcoming performance review. Happy New Year everyone! | wickyewok | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ksdwro/aita_for_not_reimbursing_my_brother_for_an_air/ | ksdwro | 5,322 | 333 | [
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2021-01-07T22:05:37 | ‘President’ of fake HOA gets what’s coming to her after years of fraudulent actions. | null | ***This is a long one! And also my first time posting here so very sorry if the formatting isn’t right.***
How I got a (not really an) HOA disbanded - THE END OF THE SAGA
*Well, apparently I need to put this in here. I do not give consent for my posts to be read/interpreted/posted to any monetized or ad-supported platform. Examples include YouTube or other platforms. Short version: If you make money off reading someone else's posts, I do not give consent for you to make money off of my posts.*
&#x200B;
Well kind redditors, this has been an incredibly insane ride. But I think I can finally say it's done.
Spoiler - the Harpy has been convicted of multiple misdemeanors and felonies on a state level. The federal charges against her are still pending, but who knows when that is going to get processed... I honestly had no idea the depth of her shenanigans.
I'm going to provide links to all the different parts of this wild ride if you haven't read it yet. Hopefully you will feel it's worth the time to read, because it really does go through in a lot more detail than I can summarize here just how absolutely freakin' insane this whole ride has been.
Part 1: [https://www.reddit.com/r/fuckHOA/comments/diw9bl/got\_a\_not\_really\_an\_hoa\_disbanded/](https://www.reddit.com/r/fuckHOA/comments/diw9bl/got_a_not_really_an_hoa_disbanded/)
Part 2 & 3: [https://www.reddit.com/r/fuckHOA/comments/ej5y1c/how\_i\_got\_a\_not\_really\_an\_hoa\_disbanded\_part\_2/](https://www.reddit.com/r/fuckHOA/comments/ej5y1c/how_i_got_a_not_really_an_hoa_disbanded_part_2/)
Part 4 & 5: [https://www.reddit.com/r/fuckHOA/comments/ej60bt/how\_i\_got\_a\_not\_really\_an\_hoa\_disbanded\_part\_4/](https://www.reddit.com/r/fuckHOA/comments/ej60bt/how_i_got_a_not_really_an_hoa_disbanded_part_4/)
Part 6:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/fuckHOA/comments/eoc5tt/how\_i\_got\_a\_not\_really\_an\_hoa\_disbanded\_part\_6/](https://www.reddit.com/r/fuckHOA/comments/eoc5tt/how_i_got_a_not_really_an_hoa_disbanded_part_6/)
Part 7 (this one involves tazers!):
[https://www.reddit.com/user/AmbulanceDriver2/comments/gffwzo/how\_i\_got\_a\_not\_really\_an\_hoa\_disbanded\_part\_7/](https://www.reddit.com/user/AmbulanceDriver2/comments/gffwzo/how_i_got_a_not_really_an_hoa_disbanded_part_7/)
Comment in part 7 with a brief update:
[https://www.reddit.com/user/AmbulanceDriver2/comments/gffwzo/how\_i\_got\_a\_not\_really\_an\_hoa\_disbanded\_part\_7/g6gy4fb?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/user/AmbulanceDriver2/comments/gffwzo/how_i_got_a_not_really_an_hoa_disbanded_part_7/g6gy4fb?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
But first, the obligatory TL;DR:
>!President of a fake HOA is a bitch to my wife. Gets sued, loses her husband, career, car, and house. She tries to sue me and loses. Decides to get drunk and belligerent, gets tazed. And now is convicted of multiple counts of fraud (misdemeanor and felony) plus a bunch more lawsuits filed.!<
&#x200B;
So a slightly longer summary is that when my wife and I bought our home, we were very specific in avoiding HOA's. After moving in, we met the "president of the HOA" behind our house. AT FIRST, she seemed nice enough, but little did we know the insanity that was going to come out of her. So we hired an arborist to take down a hazardous limb from a tree, and weren't able to move the wood onto our property the day of since he finished late and I was heading out of town the next day. The psychopath decided to freak out on my wife, until she browbeat her into moving these wood rounds (some weighing in excess of 100 lbs) by herself. They were stacked neatly, out of the way, and in no way an impediment to foot traffic. She claimed that the area that the rounds were stacked on was private property of the HOA (turns out it wasn't!) and that it needed to be moved immediately.
Well, some time later, some hedges that were growing on the "HOA's private property" pushed over a section of our wooden fence. E-mailed her, and the short version of her reply was that it wasn't their property and wasn't their hedges so we were SOL on getting our fence fixed by them. Waitwhut?
This kicked off a couple of weeks of calling a multitude of county departments to find out who actually owned that chunk of land. Eventually learn that it is actually county property as part of the right-of-way that was ceded to the county for a road. And the reason it took so long to figure this out was that there \*was\* no HOA registered with the county. So I sent an anonymous letter to everyone in the "HOA" with what I had found out.
Cue everyone in the fake HOA suing her ass for fraud.
Her husband, who was not in on the scam, promptly files for divorce - he wants absolutely no part in this.
IRS and state revenue agency start crawling up her ass for back taxes.
She was a real estate agent and principal broker. Those licenses were revoked by the state. She loses her job.
House goes up for sale, it's listed for abut 15% higher than comps and it's still a short sale - so she's in deep trouble financially.
She gets arrested for interfering with the duties of a federal agent when the IRS comes knockin - and they seize her brand new Mercedes SUV to boot.
Tries to sue me, loses badly, and has to pay my costs and attorneys fees, and I file for a protective order because she's crazy.
Gets drunk and belligerent, violates protective order. Gets tazed by the county mounties for her troubles. Jail again. Stronger restraining order.
That all brings us to the beginning of this final update....
Due to COVID, courts in my state have been moving at a rather slow pace on civil cases, but criminal cases have resumed... And so recently I had the privilege of sitting in the witness box at our local courthouse, and got to explain to a judge and jury what this insane ride was (I wasn't one of the primary witnesses, I was more for the wrap up of the prosecutor's case. Most of the testimony came from not only her previous victims who lived in the fake HOA, but also other people she has defrauded over the years. It took three days just to get through all of the victims testimony. I was the final witness, and the prosecutor had already gotten the approval of the judge for my testimony, since while some of what I was going to testify to was second hand, it was corroborating the testimony of the actual victims, and really just wrapped the whole case up in a nice neat little package.
So I got to sit there, and tell this whole saga, from start to finish. I don't think the jury even blinked. The defense attorney tried to object a couple of times about hearsay, etc, but he ended up overruled on most of them.
The prosecutor then had to get his last jab in, "So Mr. AmbulanceDriver2, this whole house of cards that she had built up on fraud and deceit, what kicked out the card that caused it to all came down around her?
"What it all boils down to is how she treated my wife that day. Had it not been her assertion of that strip of land being private property, I probably would never have done the digging that I did. But had she not been so rude to my wife, it's probable that I would have just let it go at that, and that I wouldn't have shared my findings with the entire neighborhood."
I wasn't able to be in there for any of the other testimony since it could have tainted my testimony, but in the end she was found guilty of easily a half dozen misdemeanors and at least 10 felonies. I haven't been able to pull up the court records to get an exact count of which were which, but most of those were from new victims she had defrauded since the HOA scam fell apart. There were a couple of more technical violations of the law interspersed (I believe they were specifically relating to shenanigans she pulled as a real estate agent), but fraud is the bulk of what she was convicted of. Sentencing was rather anticlimactic, she got pinged for about 10 years, but talking to the prosecutor about it she will likely serve 5-6 years actually incarcerated.
Her house is in foreclosure. Not sure when the auction is going to happen, but she had already moved out by the time it was officially foreclosed on.
And she's still facing heat on the federal side. No idea what's going to be happening there. I'll probably find out if/when they request that I testify.
I do want to address what some people have said in previous comments. That I'm taking this too far, that I'm taking too much glee in what's happened to her, that I'm a revenge bully. When I sent the letters to the neighborhood, I expected that the fake HOA would be disbanded, and not much more.
I was somewhat surprised to hear about lawsuits, and I will admit to a certain degree of schadenfreude at seeing her knocked down a peg or three. But I had no idea how this was going to snowball. It's gotten to the point where I do somewhat feel bad for her. Like maybe I've taken this too far. But I have come to the realization that had she not been scamming people, none of this would have happened to her. While I may have been the one that kicked out the bottom card of that house of cards, I had no idea how massive this was. And so I save my pity for her victims. Most of them probably won't ever get back what they lost to her. Some did, early on. But that's a fraction of her victims. The rest? I highly doubt it. Last time I looked at the court records, she was named as defendant in at least a half a dozen lawsuits. I suspect that number has grown since then.
I guess what it all boils down to is that if you're scamming people, don't piss off your neighbors. you never know what they might dig up. | zerobeans | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/kso233/president_of_fake_hoa_gets_whats_coming_to_her/ | kso233 | 9,786 | 268 | [
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2021-01-08T01:47:45 | OP accidentally named their nephew after a Pokemon - thankfully this is one that stays wholesome throughout! | TIFU | *This is a repost. [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/kdqzyp/tifu_by_accidentally_naming_my_nephew_after_a/) by /u/Bladehuraska*
I was on a family vacation driving around the mountains and while in the van my little sister had her kid. The family is in celebration and apparently there was still a discussion on what the childs name would be. (Father not in the picture, long story). While they were discussing potentially unique names I kept overhearing they wanted it to begin with the letter Z (for whatever reason). by PURE COINCIDENCE I was in the van playing Pokemon Sword on my Nintendo switch in the back and I had JUST caught Zacian with a quick ball. (Truthfully this was my 2nd attempt at him and i just opened with it). I jokingly suggested, "Hey Zacian is a kool name. It means sword in Japanese." My mother and family loved it so its now official.
On the real, my older sis and GF are the only ones that know the truth, so now we are getting some pokemon related gifts for the baby for christmas to reveal the truth and make it a funny joke.
Edit: I will post a photo later if requested of the baby with their name.
Edit 2:, I should clarify. The baby was NOT had in the van. Most of my family was in a van together in a different state where we got the phone call/video chat about it.
Edit 3: Holy shit. Thank you all so much, especially for rhe awards. Ive never gotten any before. I've been mostly a lurker redditor for years. I never thought this incident would get so much attention. >3
Edit 4: I'm updating now that the holidays are done. I made a 2 part tiktok video that covers the reveal to my mom bout the baby name and including photos at the end of baby zacian with his name and a special Christmas gift.
TL;DR I proposed the name Zacian from Pokemon Sword for my nephew since they wanted a unique name with a Z and the family took it seriously. My nephew is officially named after a legendary pokemon.
**Part 2**
First I want to say thank you all for the support, upvotes, and awards. As a long time reddit lurker that doesn’t do a lot of post it really caught me off guard and I’m really greatful.
A lot of people asked for follow-ups, updates and such. My gf recorded my mothers reaction when we told her the story and the reddit post over the holidays. She took it well and we laughed about it. I made a 2 part tiktok video of her reaction and included some photos at the end of Baby Zacian with our xmas gift to him. (Sadly my gf stopped recording right when my mother cursed us out in a funny way)
Below are the links to the videos. Hope ya’ll enjoy.
https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMJWyR6qt/
https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMJWyRQS6/
Original Story: https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/kdqzyp/tifu_by_accidentally_naming_my_nephew_after_a/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
&#x200B;
TL;DR I proposed the name Zacian from Pokemon Sword for my nephew since they wanted a unique name with a Z and the family took it seriously. My nephew is officially named after a legendary pokemon. | cupcakemuffin413 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/kssbla/op_accidentally_named_their_nephew_after_a/ | kssbla | 3,059 | 83 | [
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2021-01-08T17:50:25 | Me [34M] with my girlfriend [31F] of 2 months. She's pregnant and wants us to keep the baby. | r/relationships |
*Originally posted by u/UnexpectedDad to r/relationships in 2016.*
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4gooqv/me_34m_with_my_girlfriend_31f_of_2_months_shes/
Met my girlfriend on OKCupid in February and had our first date on 25th February. Things then moved really fast and with me staying at her place 5 night out of 7 most weeks.
We became so comfortable so quickly, that she gave me a key before 6 weeks had passed, though she later admitted she mistakingly thought we had been dating much longer.
Yesterday she was very quiet and appeared to be visibly worried and holding something in. After a little questioning she finally admitted she was pregnant.
Neither of us are religious, and I don't believe that life begins at conception, so my first instinct was that we should probably abort this unplanned pregnancy; however, it is her body and I felt the choice was predominantly hers to make, so told her I would fully support what ever decision she made.
She has decided she wants to keep the baby and I'm trying to act really supportive and reassure her that everything will be okay, but inside I'm petrified and suddenly feel very trapped.
She went to the doctor today who confirmed she's around 4 weeks, and scheduled a 12 week scan. She doesn't want us to tell anyone until 12 weeks as due to an existing medical condition there is a slightly higher than normal chance of miscarriage; however, I could really do with some advice/reassurance so I'm turning to you guys instead.
I really don't feel ready for any of this and also really worried this situation will make me resent my girlfriend and ruin our relationship. At the same time I was raised by a single mother and always vowed to never be an absentee father. I'm so confused right now, but trying to act calm for her and be reassuring, but can tell she's worried about me and the situation we found ourselves in.
Help!
TLDR: Found out girlfriend of 2 months accidentally became pregnant around one month after we first met. She wants to keep the baby, and I'm secretly freaked out whilst trying to act supportive.
*update from 2020*
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/kt6zil/update_me_34m_with_my_girlfriend_31f_of_2_months/
Stumbled upon this throwaway Reddit account I made almost almost five years ago, and thought my post was probably overdue an update.
Firstly - Guys. Just wear a condom. For the sake of everyone involved.
In the end, I decided to shelf my fears and doubts and commit to the relationship and focus on helping my girlfriend through the pregnancy. We we're both reasonably honest with each other about the reality it might not work out in the long run, but both wanted to make it work.
I joined her at several scans & hospital appointments, parenting classes, and gave notice on my own apartment to move in with her permanently.
Explaining the situation to friends, family and work was an interesting experience given most didn't even know I was in a relationship yet. Before the shock news, my mum had actually joked to me about hurrying up and giving her a grandchild already. Thankfully everyone was really supportive (though some took a while before they could stop laughing).
There were some complications with the pregnancy that resulted in a few stressful times, which were exasperated by the placenta covering the baby making it hard for her to feel babies movements. Eventually though, our daughter was born a little early near the end of 2016. That moment is a indescribable experience, let me tell you.
Since my daughters birth, we bought a home in an area better suited to raising a child, and were married almost a year later.
For those that suggested that the baby might not be mine, I can confirm she looks (and acts) just like me and shares all the distinct features of my family. But even if she wasn't, my daughter and I have built such a strong bond I wouldn't even care.
For those worried my GF was trying to trap me: Over the last few years she helped me clear my debts, forced encouraged me to finally seek professional help in getting my long history of anxiety and depression under control, and also subsequently encouraged and supported me (emotionally and financially) in leaving my well paid but soul-destroying career to retrain and start over from scratch in a far more satisfying career. If this is what trapped feels like, I wholeheartedly recommend it.
In short, this accidental pregnancy was probably the best 'worse thing' to ever happen to me. But I am very aware that I'm most probably the exception that proves the rule.
TLDR: My GF of two months fell pregnant and I freaked out a little (internally, while trying to appear calm for her). Five years later we became parents to a beautiful (and very cheeky) daughter, purchased a new home, and have been happily married for 3 years (in that order). | Jay_Edgar | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/kt7mib/me_34m_with_my_girlfriend_31f_of_2_months_shes/ | kt7mib | 4,877 | 743 | [
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2021-01-09T00:54:50 | AITA For Not Forgiving My Husband (26m) For A Mistake And Not Trusting Him With Our Child? | AITA | *Originally posted by u/SweetBabyZ2020 to r/AmITheAsshole*
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/itg9l6/aita_for_not_forgiving_my_husband_26m_for_a/
Throwaway account
I (24f) gave birth to my daughter six months ago and it should've been the happiest moment in my life. When my daughter was born her skin was very dark and looked like she could have two biological parents who were of African descendent. My husband Jim (26m), fake name, was furious and accused me of cheating and left right then and there. He told everyone on both sides of the family what happened, made posts on social media and wanted a divorce. His family and a lot of our friend all called to say how upset they were at me and called me really nasty names. My mother was by my side the entire time and I kept professing my innocence. Jim refused to pick me up from the hospital, threw my stuff out on the lawn and changed the locks, so I had to stay with my parents. When my sister called to ask for the baby stuff Jim texted me pictures of the bare nursery room and said he got rid of everything. He even destroyed my Art studio, I like to paint, and the art I made and told me my work would be too awful to sell. I was distraught and tried to focus on my baby.
Weeks went by and Jim refused to speak to me directly and has never once asked about our child. Eventually he agreed to do a paternity and he was 100% the father. No one could believe the results and it was done again, Jim's the dad. Around that same time one of Jim's cousins did the Ancestry thing and there was around 30% of African ancestry in the family. This combined with the test Jim paternal great-grandmother admitted to having an affair around the time Jim's grandfather was born and was because he could pass she just assumed her husband was the father.
Since then Jim has been reaching out and everyone has come to apologize, and while it did feel good to feel vindicated the damage has been done. I can't un-hear or unsee all the horrible things that was said and done. Not just to me but to my child as well. Jim made some very racist remarks. Things that I thought he'd never say and he did it so easily. Regardless of what our daughter looks like I don't want her to be around that. What else will Jim and his family say or do the next time they get mad? How are they going to treat our daughter when she does something that upsets them?
Jim has been begging for forgiveness. I said I needed time, he asked to see the baby and I let him but I'm too afraid to physically hand her to him. He's repairing the the nursery and keeps asking me what I would like and I cry every time saying we already had what I liked and some of the items that we had can't be replaced. He asked me if I still loved him and I admitted that he showed me his worst self and I don't know if I could live with that image. I didn't mean to be hurtful but it's how I feel. My sister suggested Couple's Therapy but I don't feel like I should have to work to fix something that I didn't break. I've never cheated and have been 100% innocent in all of this the whole. AITA for not wanting to give Jim a second chance?
Update 1: I stepped away for a few hours and couldn't believe what I came back to. I am truly amazed by all the wonderful comments of support as well as the private messages. I also understand why some people may think this is fake and all I can say is that you are free to believe what you want in this. I also see some questions and I think I should clarify a few things just in case your judgement may change.
All of this initially happened at the near February and I was already settled at my parents' house before the pandemic hit.
One of the reasons Jim wouldn't pick me up from the hospital was because I wouldn't admit to cheating or give him any details, because there weren't any which made him angrier.
Based on the pictures Jim sent me he didn't take a sledgehammer to the crib or anything. He just took stuff down to either return it for the money or gave it away. While deeply hurtful I wouldn't call it violent, but maybe it is.
Online he announced that I "pushed out a dark skinned baby" and was going to he was divorce me. His family started with the racial comments and eventually he started doing it too but only through my family, he refused to speak to me directly.
Once the truth came out everything he and his family posts were all taken down but I, and a few friends, still have the screenshots. Jim never wrote down his racial remarks.
While he didn't say any of the racist words he did make comments about our daughter being a "Welfare Princess," and how I was going to be just another "baby mama."
Just to clarify. Jim is "white" and I am at least half white. One of my parents is adopted and with everything that's happened they decided to do the Ancestry thing too and we should be getting the results any day now.
Update 2: Spelling Errors
Update 3:
Mod denied separate post so it's here as an edit.
Thank you so for all your words of encouragement a couple months back, both in posts and the DMs. A lot of things have happened since my initial post and I just needed time to process it and be in a place where I can write about on social media. So here it goes....
First, my parent who was adopted did the Ancestry/23 thing and it turns out that Jim wasn't the only one who had African ancestry. My parent had at least 45%, which means I have at least 20%. I am legally separated from my husband with primary custody, and I'm living with my parents until further notice. He still keeps apologizing and wants me to come back to the house, he even offered to leave so I could stay with our daughter but I don't want to and really like having the support of my parents. My dad is retired so he does a lot of the babysitting while my mother and I work remotely.
I do go to the house every so often so Jim can see his daughter and for Couple's Counseling via telecom. In one of the sessions Jim confessed something really hurtful and some of you guessed right, he cheated. It was while we were dating, before he proposed, and his treatment towards me was a projection. It was with an ex-girlfriend who had cheated on him and he hooked up with her as an ego boost. He started to feel guilty but was too scared that I would walk away to ever confess. Jim also admitted that he was scared when I got pregnant (our baby wasn't planned), was very anxious about being a father, but just pretended to be excited because he didn't want to look like an A. My husband was so willing to believe that our daughter wasn't his because he thought he had an out. Now that he knows that our child is his and has spent time with her Jim regrets everything and just wants his family back and is willing to spend the rest of his life making it up to us.
This was all deeply hurtful and I've cried about it more than once. Jim has been lying to me and my ability to trust him hasn't improved at all. When the holidays came around Jim's parents asked about seeing their grandchild and I didn't want to. They told me that it was selfish of me to keep her away and I reminded them of their past. They said that they've already apologized and tried to minimize the situation. They said that I can't be angry forever and that I need to learn to forgive them. I'm so ashamed of ever loving and marrying into this family and wonder why I didn't see this before. I've decided to contact a lawyer and will be filing for divorce after my daughter's first Birthday. | Jay_Edgar | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ktg9pl/aita_for_not_forgiving_my_husband_26m_for_a/ | ktg9pl | 7,523 | 686 | [
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