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2021-04-17T15:13:49 | Redditors wife becomes a homeless addict, and he's found himself falling in love with her sister. | Relationship_Advice | Thank you u/sugarhoneyicetea1rrr for letting me know there were TWO new installments!!!
[Original r/BestOfRedditorUpdates post](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ik585r/redditors_wife_becomes_a_homeless_addict_and_hes/)
The [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/iijj64/i32m_am_in_love_with_my_former_sister_inlaw27f/) in /r/relationships by u/ThrowRA0727
[UPDATE 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ik0pnv/update_i32m_am_in_love_with_my_former_sister/)
[UPDATE 2 - One Week Later](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRA0727/comments/inyuem/1_week_update_i32m_am_in_love_with_my_former/)
TLDR at the Bottom, this is quite long.
Edit- I forgot to add that I am refering to my ex-wife as Jessica and my Sister inlaw, who I had been calling Sil, to Silvia because funny.
Well we've told everyone, and for the most part it's gone over fairly well. When our respective kids were with my inlaws, Silvia and I went to go see my parents. They've met her a handful of times but they don't really know her too well as my inlaws and my family rarely attended mutual functions. They at least recognized who she was. My dad isn't a particularly sentimental person so I have no idea what he thinks about it, but my mother is on board. She did ask "Does Jess know?" and we told her that I haven't even spoken with her in 4 years and Silvia hasn't heard from her in two, that we'd Cross that bridge when we got to it. Other then that my folks just seemed happy for me.
Yesterday we attended a small family gathering for labor day at my inlaws. We knew the reception here would be a little more chilly as they're all also related to my ex-wife. My parents did us the favor of taking the kids to the zoo for the afternoon and ice cream too. We arrived at the party together and of course everybody is wondering where the kids are. Felt like a million things were telling me not to do this, by I took her by the hand and we both explained the kids were not here because we intended on telling everyone that we are now a couple. This wasn't a huge crowd, maybe like 8 people but it really felt like I announced it to a stadium.
I don't know how we expected it to go but several of her aunts were very pleased with this. We got some hugs. At first nobody even mentioned my Ex-wife. They were just happy because they had all settled on Silvia just never dating again. It was only Mil that caused any issues. She told the party that she knew we were an item because I was always giving her "Puppy dog eyes" and told them Silvia talked about me nonstop. She asked for how long we had been dating in secret and I told her only a week. She scoffed and told me that she didn't think starting a relationship off by lying would be a smart move. She then accused, albeit it in a joking manner to the guests that Silvia and I had vanished at a pool party in June to "Smooch"
Her mother and father asked to talk with us after the party and asked us just how serious things were, and like my parents asked whether my ex-wife knew or not. When I said no and that her opinion shouldn't matter given she abandoned her family 4 years ago, they said they would be more comfortable with everything if I was to tell Jessica that I am now dating her sister. They are both intensely afraid that my ex will return sober and renewed, make an attempt to make amends, discover that I am now in love with her younger sister and relapse. It sounded to me as if they knew something I didn't and as it turns out Jess has been calling and talking to them for a year now and they just haven't told me, I was upset they kept this from me. Silvia was very upset too, because not once after her husband's death has Jess ever tried to call her.
They show me her Facebook profile, the one she blocked me from and there she is looking pretty normal, not like a burned out husk. I have to admit that seeing her not looking like the junkie she became when she left made me feel a little better and Silvia too. Her parents kept their contact with her a secret because she is ashamed of what she's done and feels that she's deserved to lose her kids and and couldn't face them after all that happened. Silvia's parents gave me her phone number and asked that I please call her and speak with her. I told her that my feelings for Silvia are real and there is no chance I reconcile with Jess. Fil seemed to nod in approval, but Mil honestly looks like she was hoping we'd fix things.
After we left I talked to Silvia about it, and though we discussed it before, a circumstance where Jess returns, we decided to revisit the conversation in light of these new revelations. I told Sil that I am in love with her, my whole heart is hers and that my feelings of love for her are something deeper and stronger than anything I ever felt for my ex-wife. She ends up crying from the stress of the situation, anger with her parents for keeping secrets, and anger with her sister for not calling her or offering condolances at all after her husband's death. She then admits that she is afraid I might leave her if her sister returns and I assure her this will never happen. It took some long hugs and a lot of kisses to smooth over the situation but by the time we went to pick up the kids, we were holding hands together again and feeling more connected than ever.
She's been spending the night at my place pretty frequently since we've been together. So the kids don't see anything I've been setting my alarm for 5 in the morning, getting up and moving to the couch. Well the morning after we decided to tell the little ones what is going on. Our daughters seemed very happy but they are too young to really grasp what's actually taking place, all they know is they can play together more. I did take my son aside, just me and him and asked him if he was okay with this and what he thought about it. He asked if we'd all be living together, I told him maybe someday. He asked if this made his aunt his stepmom now and I said he's free to call her what he's comfortable with and I will respect it and she would too because we both love him.
He then asked me a lot of questions about his own mother, things he had never asked me before and I answered pretty much everything he wanted to know. I toned some of my answers down a bit. He's learned a little about the dangers of drugs from school programs and I was finally honest to that degree when I told him his mom had a problem and she made some bad choices. He asked me why his mother didn't love him and that broke my heart. I assured him the best I could that his mother did love him, she had just made a lot of terrible mistakes and that sometimes adults just don't do the right thing when they should. He asked me if I still loved her. I told him that I hoped she would get better and that I don't want her to be sick anymore, but that she hurt me and him so badly that I couldn't love her like I did before. I'm not sure he got all of that, but I tried explaining it to him the best I could. All that aside he has been so much happier and less withdrawn since Silvia has been with us and he's always going out of his way to do all the typical kid stuff to impress her that I did with my own Mom.
At the end of the day I still have that phone call with the ex to dread. But, having Silvia with me, being able to kiss her and hold her at night, it really puts some joy back into me that's been gone for a very long time. I don't think I even knew how unhappy I had been all these years until I realized how happy she made me feel. We've been doing all the happy young lover stuff. She's been leaving me love letters in my work lunchbox, even little poems, and I had flowers sent to her place of work. She mentioned she had told me that a few of the ladies at work had been trying to get her to ask me out for several months, so I figured the flowers would both make her happy and be a firm thank you wink to the office girls lol.
Thank you for everyone who commented or sent me messages on the first and second posts, they really made my day and helped me keep my cool to confess to her. Feel free to ask me anything, but I think this just about does it for my updates.
TLDR- Girlfriend's family accepted the relationship with some reservations, my family accepted it as it was, Our children seemed pleased with the arrangement, and I'm looking at having to face my Ex-wife over this for the first time in 4 years.
[UPDATE 3 - A Few Months Later](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRA0727/comments/k19auu/well_hell_the_mods_locked_my_posts_again_for_no/)
What you're about to read is a comment I wrote like last week and I've just copied and pasted it as it's pretty much good enough to be a post. It details for the phone call with my ex wife went and a little more info.
I did talk to her back in September, I keep going to write an update for this, but life got pretty hectic. I did write like a ten paragraph update like a month ago, but my laptop crashed I lost it and got discouraged. The Ex-wife is in a much better place and is in recovery. 8 months clean by this point. She finally told me the details of the affair and how things happened, how she got into drugs. Not stuff I really wanted to hear, but she's trying to get her life together and as much as I dislike the things she's done to me and the kids I want her to get healthy. I shouldn't but I worry about her still sometimes.
Anyhow I got around to telling her about Silvia and I and she was dumbfounded by it. When I first met my ex she was 19 and Silvia was 14 and in her mind she always viewed her as a kid in regards to me, which to be fair I did used to refer to Silvia and her 'kid sister.' but when she remembered that her sister is a fully grown adult who was married and had a child that her hinting I was a creep stopped. She did ask if I had feelings for her while I was married and I denied that. We talked about the kids and she was really regretful and crying throughout the conversation. She has no idea how she'd be able to face them again. I wanted to say something reassuring, but I don't want to give her the impression that I want her in their lives. Cordial, even friendly, but I'm not going to be stupid.
She and Silvia talked for a while too. I didn't eavesdrop intentionally, but from the bits I heard and what I was told, they talked about Silvia's husband. As it turns out my ex had gotten arrested for a BnE that week and spent it in jail. She didn't even know he passed until a couple weeks after the funeral and by that point she felt saying anything would make things worse. Things went as well as could be expected.
Silvia, the three kids, and I have been spending almost everyday together and I haven't been happier in years. My son and daughter love all the motherly attention they've been getting and I'm really loving getting to learn more about my little niece. Life's good. Busy, but it's good. Thanks for asking. I might just copy and paste this as my update lol
Alright that was my comment update and nothing has really changed in the week since I wrote it. If anybody has any questions or comments I'd be happy to answer what I can when I can, but during this season my workload increases dramtically and I don't have as much time to be on here as I did when I first posted. I'm so glad I got up the nerve to try with her. I love her so much. I'd been so long without a romantic partner, that I forgot what being in love, or feeling loved felt like. Now that I remember, it's shocking to me I didn't realize how alone and miserable I really was. I mean for Christ sake we played Scrabble last night and for some reason it made me ridiculously happy lol. | -bonita_applebum | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/mssiu7/redditors_wife_becomes_a_homeless_addict_and_hes/ | mssiu7 | 11,735 | 385 | [
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2021-04-17T23:18:01 | Girlfriend wants a high stress job, OP is afraid with what her being stressed will do to the relationship and tries to use the "it's me or the job" line. They talk, get to understand each other and move forward. | r/relationships | [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/mrah04/my_girlfriend_wants_to_take_a_stressful_job_and_i/) by [u/Revolutionary\_Exam45](https://www.reddit.com/user/Revolutionary_Exam45/)
We have been together for 7 years now. She (28 F) has been thinking about taking a stressful job which will leave her with no time to do anything. We did that before when we were right out of college and we didn't have any money at all. It was hard, I (27M) was able to handle the soul destroying nature of 60+ hours a week a bit better than her.
She was a mess, She leaned a lot on me emotionally to get through it. She was close to burnout. she was starting to become unhealthy. She was also had a habit on lashing out on me. She always apologized but I don't like being yelled at. Being yelled at fucks me up and those 3 years where the only time we got into yelling matches. it was without a doubt the worst years of my life. we had to move for my job and she was able to get a much less stressful job and higher pay job. She became much more happier. A lot less annoyed and we were able to patch our relationship our and grow closer.
I told her that, if she took that job. I would have to think about where this relationship is going and if I can handle the emotional turmoil that comes with it. I realized that it was not the right thing to do and I am a fool for letting my fears and panic take over make a manipulative attempt to force her to not take the job. I am planning to apologize for this.
I thought we had paid our dues and could try to climb the ladder slowly. Try to build our life slowly. Get married and start a family. We have talked about this and she says she wants all the same things but I don't know anymore.
She wants to take a job which has really great pay and would set us up for great things. We are really comfortable right now and even if she takes another less stressful job, it would not be huge difference. She is promising me that she will handle it better this time (my emotional reaction is not to trust her on this, I know that is unfair but she almost said the exact same words when we were in the bad patch after fights.) but the thing is that if she doesn't I don't think I will have the courage to leave her when she is struggling. I won't be able to deal with the guilt.
I don't know why she is doing this. We are doing well? I know that she isn't a greedy or materialistic person. She loves her current workplace and culture. She has scope for promotions. She loves her work. It seems really odd that she wants to switch all the sudden especially to something which would be soul destroying. when I asked her about it she said it is the money and I asked her if it is worth the money she just shrugged and changed the topic. someone pointed out that it could something may have happened at her current work, I really fear I have fucked things up due to setting an ultimatum and hurt her feelings a lot.
I feel like a shitty boyfriend. She was willing to move for me even when she was reluctant to do it. She has pointed out that I am placing my career above hers and that I didn't get to dictate what she did with her career.
Tl;DR : My girlfriend is planning to take a job which is really stressful, she has other almost equal options. The last time she was in such a job, I was in the receiving end of some really bad behavior. I am scared about what her taking a stressful job would mean to our relationship.
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/msx4sa/update_my_girlfriend_wants_to_take_a_stressful/)
I (27M) would like to thank everyone who took time to give me valuable advice, it helped me realize I was going about it the wrong way and possibly ruined a relationship of 7 years . Yesterday, we sat down and had a proper conversation. I apologized to her for lashing out with an ultimatum, I explained how scared I was of things sliding back. She (28F) was able to understand it and she also pointed out how hurtful me setting down and ultimatum was. I talked about mapping out a plan so that we don't slid into the mess we had created.
I think me being open to the idea of her working allowed her to be vulnerable and reveal why she wanted to chase money. She wants to put down roots in the city and buy a house here. she grow up in pretty unstable circumstance and moved around a lot. She is adamant that we own a house before we get married/have kids and the home market here is booming. She also thought that it was a bit embarrassing to be so fixated on owning a house and wanted to take the whole burden on herself. I really love this woman. I know that her actions in the past has not been great but even after that I trust her to be kind.
I think, this perspective is not something I could have ever thought of , I come from a more privileged background and even though my parents raised us to be independent but we always knew that if things got ugly, we had a safety net. She never had that and I understand her need to create one. After we stopped crying and talking. we went through the budget and talked about areas where we could cut expenses.
She really doesn't want to change jobs, so we are planning on her asking for a raise and I think I will start looking for a new job. I am pretty indifferent about my workplace and I don't mind jumping ship to increase my salary. She is happy and would have disliked to move to another company.
I have to really thank the people here for helping us talk this out. I am planning on bringing up counselling on a later date. we have a lingering issue on communication that we need to sort out.
Tl;DR: we talked it out and I found out what she wanted and she was worried about money. We made a plan to fix it. | Im_your_life | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/mt1f4w/girlfriend_wants_a_high_stress_job_op_is_afraid/ | mt1f4w | 5,765 | 366 | [
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2021-04-18T09:54:37 | Pregant Woman's Baby Daddy Goes Back To His Wife, Wife Wants To Be The MOM | AITA | [Original Post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mmxpzu/aita_for_calling_out_my_kids_future_stepmom_for/)
AITA for calling out my kids’ future stepmom for treating me like a surrogate?
I [29F] dated a guy Joe (30M) for 3 months before he left me to go back to his ex Kim (30F). Right after we broke up I found out I was pregnant and now I’m at 24 weeks. I let him know and he was ecstatic. Turns out his girlfriend had fertility issues and would likely never be able to get pregnant naturally and he has always wanted to be a father. Getting back together was out of the question for both of us so he’s still with his girlfriend.
Joe was only allowed at the initial appointment because of COVID-19 and we found out I was having twins. According to Joe when he told Kim she had a mental breakdown about her infertility, and wanted to talk to me. I met them at their house and Kim stated that she wanted to be involved in my pregnancy because she would eventually be the children’s stepmother. She started telling me that I needed to do a home birth, that I needed to formula feed so that they could have the babies half of the week, that she wanted one boy and one girl, and that she wanted the kid to call her Mama since they would be calling me Mommy. I shut her down and said I would make the best choices for my children and my body and left.
Kim continued to be overbearing and texting me everyday about my eating habits, exercise habits, and bitching about how her job wouldn’t let her take maternity leave. At the virtual genetics counseling appointment, she attended instead of Joe and took over the whole meeting trying to talk about her family history which wasn’t relevant. When it came time for my 20 week level 2 scan, they allowed me one guest and Joe suggested I take Kim instead of him, which I refused to do. Joe did end up coming and he found out the gender because I wanted to keep it a surprise for me so we could throw a gender reveal party. I put a pregnancy announcement on my social media and then she put up an announcement saying they were expecting twins “the non-traditional way” and how blessed she was. I was irritated but I kept my mouth shut. Then she threw a gender reveal party and posted it on social media. I wasn’t even invited. She also announced that she’s having a baby shower. I commented on her posts and told her to stop treating me like a surrogate, that the kids weren’t hers, and that Joe didn’t have any claim or custody of the kids until they are born. I then called Joe and reiterated all of this and stated that I would not be seeing either of them until we went to family court and that my mother would be my birthing partner. He and Kim and some of her friends and family are saying I’m an asshole and her mother even called and insisted I give her one of my babies like this is the Parent Trap? So AITA?
EDIT: I’m definitely getting a lawyer ASAP. Y’all have scared the shit out of me but I’m happy you did.
--------
* Between the original post and her update, a lot of people in the comments were suggesting the father got her pregnant on purpose and this had been the plan all along, for him AND the wife, so they could have a baby.*
--------
UPDATE:
I never considered that this could’ve happened on purpose. We used condoms because I do not react well to hormonal birth control and I had to wait to get a non-hormonal IUD because of other medical issues. The Thursday I posted this, I went to the police and they stated that there was nothing they could do because a crime hadn’t been committed. In my state orders of protection are criminal or family so I was able to get one against Joe.
On Friday, I did get a lawyer and they let me know in my state there was nothing I could do as far as custody before the babies are born, so I will be leaving my state soon to ensure that this isn’t my babies home state and I can’t be charged with anything.
However, someone sent this post to Kim and she came to my job, damaged my car, and broke a bunch of office windows. I work with kids so she was arrested for not just the criminal damage and trespassing but also child endangerment so hopefully that works in my favor. Also if Joe did it on purpose, I don’t think Kim knew, because she was screaming at me about how I stole her life and everything I had was supposed to be hers..
*New small update*
Update: I have orders of protection against both Kim and Joe. I left the state anyway and Joe and Kim started harassing me again because there’s no legal jurisdiction when you leave the state, but I have enough evidence that I was able to press charges in my current state as well and will be pursuing a restraining order here. | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/mt9x4d/pregant_womans_baby_daddy_goes_back_to_his_wife/ | mt9x4d | 4,716 | 708 | [
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2021-04-18T10:14:32 | Wife Wants To Re-Home Cats, Husband Discovers She's Lying About Her Reasons | AITA | [Original Post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mh4zvy/aita_for_faking_sleeping_all_night_to_see_if_my/)
AITA for faking sleeping all night to see if my wife is lying?
The past couple of months, my wife has been complaining about our cats. She’s been claiming that the cats wake her up constantly and that she’s frustrated every night that she “has to get up and open the door for the cats” or “the cats keep making noises” or “the cats keep jumping on her.” It got to the point where she started saying she wants me to get rid of them. I told her I’ve never seen or heard any of this, but she claims I sleep through it all.
She kept telling me she was getting less and less sleep and kept acting aggressive, blaming lack of sleep from the cats, and that if I didn’t get rid of them, she’d leave me. I legitimately started considering giving the cats to my sister, until I noticed something.
One morning she claimed she had gotten up multiple times throughout the night to help the cats. She listed a bunch of times. I thought it was weird, because I had been up until 4am, and she claimed that she “got up at 1am to open the door for them, and a few times around 3am because they were meowing and jumping on her.” I was in the bedroom the entire time while she slept, and I know none of that happened. Things weren’t adding up, so I decided to run a test.
I waited until she said she was going to bed, then I let the cats out of our bedroom, lowered my phone brightness, and faked going to sleep. I just laid there in bed for the entire night, bored, but I definately did not fall asleep. I made sure to make timestamps every 30 minutes on my phone through Discord just to be sure. I marked down every noise my cats made. One cat had jumped down from something and made a little sound at 3:18am, and one ate food relatively quietly by the bedroom door at 4:57am. Other than that, nothing happened.
Sure enough, my wife slept from 11pm until 9am, and that morning she claimed she had woken up “at least 7 times” to open doors and from cat noises and cats jumping on her. At this point I was pissed because she was clearly lying to me. I was exhausted and fed up with the lies, so I just bluntly called her out on it.
I told her, “That’s funny. I stayed up all night to monitor the cats, and they weren’t even in the room at all last night. I have timestamps and everything. So you’ve been lying to me and trying to convince me to get rid of my cats? Why?” She just sat there quitly shaking and looking pissed, then got up and left without answering. She came back hours later and ignored me whenever I talked, and when I asked her how I’m the bad-guy in this situation, she finally said that I was treating her like a child by lying about sleeping and staying up all night just to see if she was lying or not and that making timestamps and everything as if I was an investigator was “going too far” and makes me an obsessive asshole.
I did it because she was threatening to make me get rid of my cats or she’d leave me, and her claims didn’t add up.
So, am I an “obsessive asshole?”
**Note: The Baker Act is a Florida law that enables families and loved ones to provide emergency mental health services and temporary detention for people who are impaired because of their mental illness, and who are unable to determine their needs for treatment.**
UPDATE: (Added as an edit)
My wife has been Baker Acted. She did not hurt herself, just said something concerning in public.
I got a call from the hospital this morning, asking me to head over for some “family therapy.” Apparently she finally wanted to talk.
I’ll be honest, I’m pretty pissed at the reason why she’s been so hateful towards my cats. It’s absolutely asinine.
It’s nothing that anyone had suggested. She’s not cheating. She’s not sick physically or mentally. She’s not bored of the relationship and looking for an “out.”
According to her, one of the cats stepped on her laptop and ruined a story she was writing. She’s hated both cats ever since. I mean that sucks, but it’s not worth trying to emotionally blackmail me into getting rid of them.
I asked her why she didn’t just tell me the truth and why she’d been lying and refused to talk about it when I’d asked. Her answer was “Because you wouldn’t have gotten rid of them otherwise.” and explained that when she saw I wasn’t willing to abandon them for her, she took offense and made it a “goal” to have me pick her over them.
Sickening. Don’t know why she actually admitted to it all.
The woman with us asked me how I felt about all of it, and I just told the truth. I told her it was a nice run, but I’m probably going to want a divorce. I was asked why, and I told them. I’ve seen a new hateful, malicious side of her that I want nothing to do with. She was so set on getting rid of the cats over a fanfiction being ruined that she manipulated her husband.
My wife started shouting at me that I’ve betrayed her and that I’m “scum” for choosing animals over her. At least cats don’t give ultimatums like she gave.
It sucks that she’s been Baker Acted and all I guess, but it’s for the best right now. She’ll have time to process it all in a safe environment and hopefully come to terms with it. Bad husband, I know.
I’m almost sure I’m going for divorce. I’m very worried about having her in the same house as my cats. I want my cats safe. I don’t want to worry about them being harmed or “disappearing.” Screw that.
I guess I’ll do what almost all of you suggested: “Keep the cats, rehome the wife.” Not how I wanted it to end, but life isn’t always nice.
If I may, I want to clear up some things from the original post:
I did not stare at her all night. We have a mute TV with subtitles playing every night. I subtly watched TV while paying attention to the cat sounds.
I’m not allowed to install cat doors, and she won’t let me keep the doors open. Apartment rules.
Why did I instantly assume she was lying? I’m unfamiliar with mental health/diseases. I know about some diseases, but ones that make you think your dreams happened? Tumors that make you see/hear/remember nonexistent things? Sorry that I wasn’t aware of those possibilities. So when someone tells me events happened when they literally didn’t, I generally assume they’re lying. Shame on me.
[Update #3](https://www.reddit.com/user/UhOhSleepyThrowaway/comments/mqtd2x/update_2_aita_for_faking_sleeping_all_night_to/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb)
It’s over. A divorce is inevitable. She went full psycho. I thought her being Baker Acted would help. I’m sorry if this is all so confusing.
Right after the last update, I left her a message saying that I’ll be here to support her if she wants me to, and that if she wants her items, she’ll have to meet me at the apartment. I figured she’d read it when she got released.
After she was released from the hospital, she texted me “im getting my shit.” I told her that her old key won’t work anymore and that I got off work in an hour and could let her in to grab her things. She replied “i dont think so.”
I rushed home from work to find my bedroom window smashed (I live on the second floor with no balcony). She had broken the window and somehow climbed the outer wall to enter the window. She took her laptop, headphones, and on her way out she had destroyed the cat litter box and the cat tree/bed. I also couldn’t find any of their toys anywhere. Thank you to those of you who advised me to have my sister watch my cats for a while. The cats are safe with her, and she doesn’t know where my sister lives.
I called her and she instantly declined the call and text me “what.” I told her to pay to replace what she damaged/stole, and she tried to be clever by responding with “no amount of money can fix what damage YOU caused. i didnt take anything either. you owe me a new laptop.” I never even mentioned her laptop was gone, so it’s obvious she was lying yet again. Thankfully we have a Tile account that lets us track items, and we both have Tiles in our cars. I found her car in a Walmart parking lot, and through the window I could see all of the stolen items, along with her laptop and headphones.
I just straight up called the police at this point. Long story short, we’re going to be spending a lot of time in court.
Mental illness or not, I have no sympathy for her anymore. She broke into my apartment, stole shit, lied about it, and tried to get ME to pay for HER shit.
That’s ignoring the fact that she destroyed the litter box and cat tree. I’m 100% certain that if the cats were home at the time, she would have hurt, killed, or kidnapped them.
I do know that divorce is guaranteed. I’d also like a restraining order and money back for what she damaged, but that might be too much.
I’m just so done. I feel defeated. I didn’t even want to update. I didn’t want to deal with more messages about how she or my cats deserve death, or “this didn’t happen.” I haven’t had the will to do much of anything. I’ve even called out of work multiple days in a row. I just lay around the house thinking of what I could have done different. Was there a better ending for everyone?
Anyway, I hope this is the last update. I really do. I just want it to stop, please.
Thank those of you who have supported me through nice comments or advice or even sharing your own similar experiences. It’s nice to know I’m not exactly alone. Thank you. | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/mta5pz/wife_wants_to_rehome_cats_husband_discovers_shes/ | mta5pz | 9,465 | 425 | [
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2021-04-18T12:23:52 | Boyfriend stops talking to OP due to her reading list for 2021. | Relationship_Advice | [THIS IS A REPOST](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/mt9j0x/update_my_f27_boyfriend_of_5_years_m28_isnt/)
**Original Post by** [u/vvd17780](https://www.reddit.com/user/vvd17780/)
So at the end of 2019 I decided I wanted to get back into reading in 2020 (came in real handy during the first lockdown here in the UK, I’ll tell you). In the past I’d mostly stick to the same authors and same genre of books so I decided I wanted to branch out more. I’m bisexual so I started reading books with wlw relationships and I started to read different genres like fantasy and historical fiction. This year I’ve ended up reading 34 books and most have been ones I would never have picked up in the past! While looking back over the books I’ve read I noticed that the ones I enjoyed most were written by women and POC so I decided that next year I wanted to read only books by women or POC to further diversify the books and genres I am reading. I finished the list last night and told my boyfriend (I was very excited as it took me so long) and he started asking why I felt the need to exclude and I’m quoting “white men like everyone else is trying to do recently” and went on to say that my list was stupid because I’m excluding “brilliant authors to read shitty books just to spite men”. Then he stormed off to his study and hasn’t spoken to me since!! I have no idea what to do going forward. I feel he was completely out of line. His comments were getting to me but when I looked at my bookshelf I own every Stephen King book and my favourite author of all time is Ray Bradbury. Hell there are even a couple of books on the list by white men but they’re at the bottom as they’re not the priority! My boyfriend has been working from home for the past 8 months and hasn’t been enjoying being stuck at home all the time (who has) so I’m chalking this up to stress but I have no idea how to approach him when he does decide to speak to me again.
**UPDATE**
So my original post didn’t get a lot of attention and I forgot the password soon after making the post (doh) but in case anyone was wondering I did break up with him. He refused to speak to me even the morning after (he slept in his study) so I just packed up my stuff and went back to my dads. We thankfully weren’t living together (we had planned to once restrictions in the areas eased and we could get a hire van, at the time I was only staying overnight) and didn’t have any shared assets. Besides a couple of texts asking where I was (he wouldn’t answer my calls either) I haven’t seen or spoken to him since.
I kinda wish I was more upset but I didn’t realise just how entrenched he had gotten with online conspiracies since he started WFH. I don’t have Facebook but a couple of days ago an old high school friend messaged me on Instagram to see how I was doing after she’d seen my ex’s Facebook post about me “leaving him for a gay reading cult” lmao. She shared screenshots of his profile and it’s full of qAnon and other garbage and it goes back for months. I had absolutely no idea about any of this stuff. I hadn’t even heard of qAnon until the capital riots in the US. I have been a very vocal supporter of LGBTQ+ rights (I am queer myself) and of BLM and he always seemed 100% with me on any social issues so the posts were definitely a shock. I didn’t think my reading list would lead to all this lol but I’m glad I’m no longer in a relationship with someone who would believe in such rubbish.
Anyway if anyone really cares I’ve read 37 books already this year. Thanks for reading. | RabbitsAmongUs | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/mtbugm/boyfriend_stops_talking_to_op_due_to_her_reading/ | mtbugm | 3,575 | 721 | [
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2021-04-18T17:05:00 | OP's family kick her and brother out, then expect her to pay for stepbrother's tuition. | AITA | [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mqaxuf/aita_for_not_paying_my_stepbrothers_tuition/)
First version exceeded character limit, so I have to cut short. This is a throwaway and I'm on mobile.
9 years ago, when I (26F) was 17 and my brother (19M) was 10 our mother died after suffering for a long time due to chronic illness. Long story short, I got severe depression and my dad remarried within a year. I got along with my stepmother and my stepbrother (18M) quite well. My dad kicked me out on my 18th birthday and my boyfriend took me in. I put myself through 4,5 years of college by having an almost fulltime job. After graduation I landed a managing job with insanely good salary and was able to pay the rest of my college debt and save a decent amount. My brother is my everything since he is all family I have left. August 2019 he told me our dad is kicking him out to and my boyfriend and I took him in to live with us on 3 conditions: stay out of trouble, do some minor chores, keep up the good grades. He followed these rules and even got a part time job to help out with groceries. He and I had no contact with out dad the whole time, just occasionally with our stepbrother who we consider a friend. When he started college last summer I said I would pay for it if he continues following the rules. He did and I paid. I'm incredibly proud of him because he is only getting As and doing really good. Somehow dad, stepbrother and stepmother found out I was paying. Stepbrother is going to start college this summer and they can't afford it without taking on a huge debt. So stepmother called and asked poing blank if I would pay for stepbrother too. I said no. I'm happy to pay for my brother, but I won't for my stepbrother. Since then, 4 days ago, this whole side of the family including aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, etc are calling me an ass for "playing favours". I'm going crazy over it because they won't stop after multiple NOs.
AITA?
Edit: to answer if stepbrother still lives with them. Yes he does, he turned 18 mid-november 2020.
Edit 2: the family calling me out now are all from my dad or my stepmother. My mother has no family left. Also, i reached out to them after I kicked out but they never answered. It's the first time the are reaching out to me.
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/msw7ie/update_aita_for_not_paying_my_stepbrothers_tuition/)
A few hours after I posted this I started to dig because I was wondering how they found out I was paying for my brother since no one apart from me, my boyfriend, my brother and my bank agent know. Turns out a friend of my stepmother works in the administration office of the college and she told my stepmother I was paying. I went furious as this is a clear violation of confidential information and I'm currently working with my lawyer to sue her for this.
Now on to the real issue. Sortly after I posted, I re-read the texts I got from my extended family. To me they seemed off, something was irritating me and I figure out what exactly. It was the way they accused me and blamed me that ticked it off. So I called in a zoom meeting. It turns out that when my father kicked me out they told them it was MY CHOICE to run away and he is disappointed by his child. Told the same story about by brother when he kicked him out, too. That's why they never reached out to me. However, they had 9 years to do anything and they never did, so they are out of my life. I boocked them and dont want to hear from then again.
As to my father, stepmother and stepbrother, called me again and again and again. I continued to say no and after learning they lied to everyone I didn't bother to answer their calls again. I blocked them after that. My brother and I decided to go completely no contact with everyone from now on. I'm a bit sad that I won't be able to talk to my stepbrother, like I said, we had a quite good relationship like friends. But he supported and agreed with my dad and stepmother's way of talking to me so I see no point in investigating time in this relationship. Guess he was also just interested in the money or he would have acted otherwise. They tried to blame me that I'm responsible if my stepbrother doesn't get a good job. Br I just don't care. I had to manage it myself the didn't give a damn. So I'm not going to give in. My brother, boyfriend and I are moving in another city 45 minutes away next week anyways (planned for months now so it has nothing to do with this) so I won't be likely to bump into them (we lived in the same city until know and even though it's fairly big there was always a chance of bumping into each other). I don't think they know it and I'm not planning to tell them. If they find out I don't care.
To me they don't exist from now on and my boyfriend, my brother and I will continue to live together as our little family. Also, because some people asked, my boyfriend has a big family, but they live on the other side of the world, so I only have seen them twice in the 10 years we are together.
Again, thank you so much for all your kind words.
Edit to answer a few questions: -I'm not in the US. -There is no family left on my mother's side. -I had the chance to tell my extended family what really happened but apart from two people they didn't believe me. -MAYBE I will reconcile with my stepbrother sometime in the future, but right know I'm not in the right mind to do so. -My brother and I are already in the process of completely cutting off my father and we are creating wills and medical POCs in case something happens. It just takes some time but my lawyer is working on it. | babylimes | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/mtgsn8/ops_family_kick_her_and_brother_out_then_expect/ | mtgsn8 | 5,673 | 270 | [
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2021-04-18T19:09:27 | Found out my dad is not my bio-dad | r/23andme | ​
Original post on 23andme by u/beaver_dick eight months ago.
[Family Problems/Discovery](https://www.reddit.com/r/23andme/search?q=flair_name%3A%22Family%20Problems%2FDiscovery%22&restrict_sr=1)
I need to get my story off my chest.
I’ve always had a general interest in family history and genetics so doing DNA kits was a natural inclination for me. I’ve actually had kits with both 23 and ancestry done for a couple years now. I had a lot of names and some close relatives on my mothers side. On my paternal side they were always more distant.
A while ago someone popped up as a potential 1st cousin but I only had initials. Eventually she put her name on her profile and it was not someone I was familiar with at all. That combined with nobody on that side having a familiar last name started to set off red flags.
I didn’t have tons to go on and was not sure what to think. I still thought it might be explainable and I didn’t want to start asking a bunch of questions without knowing what I was talking about. I decided to see what I could figure out. First I found out more about who she was, found her father’s obituary and looked at her genealogy on Family Tree, nothing clicked. I found out about the Leeds method of charting DNA relatives into columns and trying to deduce common last names. Lots of people were linked to a couple common names that happened to be that “cousin’s” maiden name. Ended up building a tree in the dnapainter WATO tool that tried to show you the odds of where you hypothesize you might fit in the tree.
Those tools led me to understanding at a bare minimum shared ancestors in our tree and that my paternal line was not who I thought it was. I knew who my genetic grandparents or great grandparents were and they were not anyone I knew of.
Finally with all of this data I asked my mom the big question. She knew who the link was and it fit. She was dating at the time and always thought I was the child of the father who raised me until these questions came up. My mother is going to break it to my dad. I’m a bit worried about that. I hope he is okay.
Turns out my bio-dad and grandparents are deceased. Some of his siblings are still around. I might have a half-brother but it looks more likely that he was not bio-dad’s bio-son. So I may have been his only offspring and he never knew. Bio-dad and his dad died young so I have some genetic concerns.
Not sure how to feel about it.
UPDATE (only in the comments)
I honestly don’t think my mom knew. I mean she must have known there was a possibility but this is shocking to her as well and she never attempted to deceive me (or my dad) once I asked her and explained the DNA anomalies. Basically she was dating different people and she never really had a serious relationship with bio-dad. She also wasn’t super serious at the time with the dad who raised me. She was prepared to be a single mom. They later got more serious and married (after my birth, not a shotgun wedding or anything like that). Based on what the doctor told her about how long she was pregnant, she thought it must have been the dad that raised me. I am worried about the shock to my dad. I think it will be easier if he is able to hear it from my mom and she can answer questions and have a little time to process it rather than trying to deal with the shock and emotions all at once.
My bio-dad’s son is probably not my bio half-brother. I think that son was from a previous relationship that his mother had, based on his age, when they married and why he has a different last name from my bio-dad. So that would mean that my bio-dad chose to raise him when he married the child’s mom. More uplifting than sad. My bio-dad never knew he had a child. | haaskaalbaas | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/mtj81m/found_out_my_dad_is_not_my_biodad/ | mtj81m | 3,741 | 167 | [
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2021-04-20T17:47:52 | A manager is weirded out by his direct report regularly radically changing her appearance over her lunch break. [AskAManager] | EXTERNAL: AskAManager | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.askamanager.org/2017/06/my-employee-drastically-changes-her-appearance-in-the-middle-of-the-workday.html) appeared on the AskAManager blog, not on Reddit.*
I’m in management for a Fortune 1000 company. I have been a manager for just over a year, and I am hoping to get some advice on a situation I am having with one of my employees. Michelle (not her real name) has worked here for almost a year. This is her first job after college and her second job ever. There are no issues with the quality of her work, but there is something that I think is an issue — but I am not sure if I should bring it up with her or not.
Michelle makes drastic changes to her appearance, and these changes always happen during the work day. Due to the nature of the work, most employees in my section (including Michelle) are exempt and lunches are generally longer than an hour. Over her lunch, she will drastically change her hair, clothing, and makeup.
For example: On a given day, she has long blonde hair, almost no makeup, and is wearing a gray suit. After lunch, she returns with black hair that’s ear-length on one side and chin-length on the other, with noticeable makeup and a black suit. Or she has shoulder-length curly hair that she is wearing down and she comes back with straight hair that is a different color, in an up-do and with an undercut. Since she started working here, at least once a month she comes back from her lunch wearing drastically different clothes, shoes, makeup, and nails and she has radically changed her hair (color and length) over her lunch half a dozen times.
I don’t know if I should say anything because as her older, male boss I don’t want to seem like I am appearance policing, and also because she is always within the norm for the dress code/appearance within our office and industry (professional clothes, hair only dyed natural colors). However, I feel like her doing this in the middle of the work day is hurting her professional credibility. There was one time when we gave a presentation for both internal and external people and Michelle was present because she had assisted with the preparation. After we broke for lunch, she returned with darker hair, bangs, and completely different clothes. Many people at the presentation thought she was a different person at first. Another time she returned to a meeting with shorter hair, longer nails, and different clothes, and it was the same thing.
Michelle does not have a car and take public transit. There is a large mall right by our office. I haven’t said anything to her directly, but I have heard her telling others she prefers to get her hair and nails done on her breaks because the mall is so convenient and she doesn’t have to do it after work or on weekends. She doesn’t carry a purse or backpack, so when she shows up with different clothes and without her old ones, people do notice. She says she puts her old clothes in a donation bin at the mall and has told people she will buy things at the thrift store near her home for the purpose of wearing to work on days when she is going to buy new stuff at the mall. Sometimes she goes to the mall or surfs the internet just to scope out clothes so she knows what she is going to buy when she actually goes shopping.
Is this something I should be speaking to her about? If so, how do I do it so as to not to make it about her appearance but rather how it affects her professionalism and how people perceive her, even there are no problems with her work and she is making all these changes on her lunch and not when she is expected to be working?
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.askamanager.org/2017/12/update-my-employee-drastically-changes-her-appearance-in-the-middle-of-the-workday.html) *(link is external to Reddit)*
Thank you for your response and to the commentariat for their responses. As it turns out, the situation changed the day after I wrote in to you.
A manager several levels above me asked to speak to Michelle when she was visiting our office for a meeting. Michelle had made a drastic change during another meeting with external people besides the one I wrote in about. I was off on vacation and not present at this meeting, but the manager was. She (the manager) was at the meeting I wrote in about too and had also attended a five-day seminar/trade show where Michelle was present, and Michelle had apparently made a couple of mid-day appearance changes (clothes, makeup and hairdo) when she was there.
This manager had similar concerns as me. We weren’t trying to imply in any way that Michelle should not change her appearance at all, just that she should not do it in the middle of the work day on days when she had to deal with external people. The manager said there had been comments about it at the trade show and after the meetings, and more than one person had referred to Michelle as the one who always changes when her name came up. Our office is on the conservative side when it comes to the dress code and it definitely stood out in the culture of the company.
This manager let Michelle know that the mid-day changes were affecting people’s perceptions of her and overshadowing her work. This manager told Michelle she was approaching her out of concern because she herself knew how it could be difficult for women to be taken seriously in the workplace. Michelle said she understood and thanked the manager for her help. She then left to take her lunch. Michelle returned from her lunch with a wavy, blue pixie cut. She went to the touchdown office the manager was using with her shirt completely unbuttoned and asked how professional she looked. Then she left the building and has not come back.
On Friday, Michelle emailed me and asked if I would be a reference for her during her job search. I was honest that I would have to tell the truth if I was asked why she left her job and she would be better off to have HR confirm her employment dates, but I cautioned they would also confirm she isn’t eligible for re-hire if they were asked. Michelle said she understood and wished me luck in filling her old job. It is the only contact she has made since she walked out and she never told anyone she quit, she just left.
It was truly bizarre. At no point did the manager tell Michelle not to change her appearance at all and she also praised Michelle’s work and said she wanted the focus to be on Michelle’s good performance. She only told Michelle how mid-day changes during meetings and trade shows were overshadowing her work and making people take her less seriously. The blue hair, unbuttoned shirt, walking out in the middle of the day, and quitting without telling anyone were a shock to everyone. If I had not seen it with my own eyes, I would have a hard time believing it.
(Also to clarify some things and answer some of the questions asked in the comments: I am black, Michelle is white. When I called myself older, I simply meant that I am older than Michelle. She is in her early 20’s and I am 38. Michelle drastically changes her look about once every three weeks but she only does it in the middle of the workday about once a month, the rest of the time it happens over the weekend. She lives around the corner from a mall similar to the one near our office (I have heard her talking about it). Michelle does not wear wigs, it is all her own hair and long extensions. When she changes her look during the work day she always comes back with her hair shorter and/or darker. She gets the lighter colors and/or hair extensions are done over the weekend.) | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/muw138/a_manager_is_weirded_out_by_his_direct_report/ | muw138 | 7,603 | 416 | [
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2021-04-20T18:30:58 | A pregnant couple recently bought a home and are now being harassed there by a creepy stranger. Reddit helps them get to the bottom of it. | RBI | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/RBI/comments/l0ghjj/creepy_stranger_wont_leave_me_alone/) is by /u/themilehighguy58.*
So recently I just bought a house and everything seemed fine at first. All until one tuesday I was backing up from my garage when I saw a guy leaning against a Toyota Camry staring my car down. I pull my car out and roll down my window to ask him if he needs anything and he just says"no sir,have a good day." I then asked him politely if he could leave and he didn't respond. He just stared at me for a good 30 seconds. I started to get out of my car and confront him but as soon as he saw me go for the door he got in his car and drove off.
I was so rattled I called in sick to work and called the police. They said i was probably being scouted for a burglary,which made sense. I had my brother in law come down and stay with my wife to help comfort her and I went and bought a ring camera set. After we settled down everything seemed to go back to normal until Sunday. I was watching the cheifs browns game when the same man peeked through my front window and stared at me and started laughing. I quickly went to grab my gun but when I turned around he was gone. I called the police and they took the ring footage to try and track him down. Me and my wife decided to stay with family until it's solved. Everything seems to be normal right?
Then last night at 2:00 am I get a call from a unknown number asking if I am home. I ask who this is and they hang up. I notify the police but they say there is little they can do. I really love the neighborhood besides this and I don't wanna quit my job but I am just pondering moving out of state and changing numbers. I have a baby on the way and can't take my family's safety for granted. Is there absolutely any advice you guys could give me help guide me through this? Thanks and God bless.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/RBI/comments/lbgoyn/creepy_stranger_wont_leave_me_alone_updatethank/)
So about 2 weeks ago I posted in this subreddit about my creepy experiences. basically A man started harrasing me and my pregnant wife at our house. Anyway,one redditor asked about my wife's occupation,and if maybe it can get us some hate. That turned out to be true. My wife is a councilwoman in a really conservative town,and she is the only democrat politician of any kind in the region. I took all of your advice,I bought a total of 18 cameras,bought my wife a handgun,and reported my suspicion to the cops. After analysis of our ring video camera footage of the man,they found him. Apparently he is a member of some alt right group called a groyper? I've never heard of them,but I guess they are very popular in our state. Anyway,thanks to you all me and my wife get to welcome home our baby girl Thursday,with no fear of that creep anymore. God bless you all❣️ | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/mux0ao/a_pregnant_couple_recently_bought_a_home_and_are/ | mux0ao | 2,875 | 791 | [
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2021-04-21T03:14:12 | OP's late wife never explained why she didn't want any contact with her family and now they want to meet their grand-daughter | AITA | [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/m9scf4/aita_for_respecting_my_late_wifes_wishes_about) by u/notofamily
My wife unfortunately passed away last year when our daughter was only 3 months old. It was very difficult to get through but my little girl and I are keeping it together.
My daughter is 16 months now and there’s been pressure from my wife’s sister to let her side of the family see my daughter.
The issue is my wife had absolutely no contact with her family since she was 18, so 16 years of not seeing them. Her home life was something she never wanted to talk about.
It always made her upset so I never pushed her to tell me. All I know is they were manipulative and abusive in some form. She left as soon as she was 18, changed her last name and never spoke to them again.
4 years ago she got into contact with her older sister and she’s the only person my wife allowed into our lives. By that I mean we met through video chat but never actually in person.
We still maintained contact after my wife passed and we met a couple times before and during my wife’s funeral. My sister-in-law called me a few weeks ago. She mentioned her parents would really like to meet their granddaughter and want to start over.
They didn’t attend my wife’s funeral because they knew she wouldn’t want them to be there.
One thing my wife always made clear is that she did not want them near our daughter. Ever.
Telling my SIL this...well she got very upset. She said it’s been years and yes her parents were awful people (again won’t say exactly what they did) but losing their daughter has made them reflect on things. And they want to meet my daughter since my wife never gave them that chance.
She’s still trying to convince me and so far I’ve said no. Each time I just feel more and more bad for denying them but it’s what my wife wanted.
Her parents found my Facebook (pretty sure SIL might’ve told them) and I’ve gotten dozens of messages begging me to let my daughter know her moms side of the family. And I shouldn’t keep her from knowing her grandparents for past mistakes.
None of them will leave me alone and SIL has said a few times that I may be grieving losing a wife but to have some empathy for them losing a child. Because right now I’m being “too heartless” for denying them the chance to meet the only piece of my wife they have left.
I’m at my wits end with this because I’m not sure if I am being an asshole or not. I don’t know the whole reason why my wife never wanted to see them again. Even if I did though, I’d still like to honor her wish.
The way they are being however, makes it hard not to wonder if I am?
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/muwvs7/update_aita_for_respecting_my_late_wifes_wishes/)
Thank you everyone for all the lovely comments and support. I was really worn down with this whole ordeal so all your input was so very appreciated . There was a lot of you that expressed your concerns about what my wife’s family’s intentions were and warned me about taking precautions to keep my daughter safe. I have taken these into consideration and have made steps to ensure they have no access to any information that could disclose our location.
And yes in the end I did decide it was best to cut off all contact, not only with my wife’s parents but her sister too. I tried to get through to her many times about why I’d like to to respect my wife’s call on this since she knew her family best and what they did. Despite all the reassurance that her parents have changed she’s still refused do actually say what went down so that was not at all convincing for me. Once I blocked them all I was getting calls from different numbers the following days. I sent one final message to her sister stating they’re never allowed near me or my daughter and if they ever tried to come harass us I will get authorities involved. Since then it was radio silence for the last couple weeks but I decided to play it safe a few days ago and changed my phone number.
I’ve also deleted my Facebook since I don’t use it that often but have put my other social media accounts on private. Got many great suggestions from many of you about how to make sure they have absolutely no access to my daughter so I really appreciate that! I’ve saved a few of these comments incase I need some extra tips in the future as my daughter gets older and starts school.
Since I last posted and have cut contact I feel like I can finally breathe. You have no idea how stressful and draining the whole thing was for me so really, thank you all for the help! I’ve been more at peace putting this all behind me and focusing on my beautiful little girl. Just wanted to leave this update since I know there was a lot of concern about how this would all play out.
Thanks again, internet strangers! :) | mermaidpaint | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/mv730t/ops_late_wife_never_explained_why_she_didnt_want/ | mv730t | 4,847 | 499 | [
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2021-04-21T17:07:25 | OP (17f) suspects stepfather is attracted to her. Tells mom. It goes well. | Relationship_Advice | This is a repost. [Original here](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/mvhgi4/i_f17_think_my_step_dad_m46_might_have_a_thing/)
​
Yes I know this sounds like clickbait or a shitty porno but I need help and advice
Sorry if this isn't the place to post this but It's the first subreddit that came to mind, and I didn't want to talk to anyone I know in real life about this for hopefully obvious reasons.
So my Mom got remarried about 4 or 5 years ago now to my new step dad Steve, I never had an issue with this as he was a really cool and nice guy, he never tried to replace my dad (who isn't dead but just isn't in my life) but he was always very supportive. The other day I was looking for some headphones because mine were broken, and knowing my mom always puts the ones you get with new phones in her night stand I went looking in there.
I didn't find any in hers so I thought fuck it and checked Steve's nightstand too. I didn't find any headphones but what I did find was a pair of what were definitely my panties and pictures of me. Now if it was just pictures of me I wouldn't think anything of it, he's always treated me like his daughter so that wouldn't be too weird. But this coupled with the panties (as if that wouldn't have been enough on it's own) really freaked me out so I put everything back how I found it and left their room.
Since then I've just been hyper aware of how he behaves around me and feel panicked whenever he touches me or hugs me, and I think back to anytime he's done it in the past and just wonder if he was trying to feel me up or something. I don't know whether I should talk to my mom about this, he's never made sexual advances towards me in any way or anything like that so could I just be overthinking something that could have a reasonable explanation. I'm just going into worst case scenario thinking and imagining him secretly having a thing for me and jerking off to my underwear or something gross like that
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/mvhgi4/i_f17_think_my_step_dad_m46_might_have_a_thing/)
I was pretty torn up about whether to tell my Mom or not but it was a pretty constant thing people were telling me, she's never not believed me about something before but with something this big I was worried. Plus all the comments saying I had made this up kind of shook my confidence about whether she'd believe me
I ended up asking her to go for a walk with me, which is something we do semi often anyways so it wasn't that weird and wouldn't have alerted Steve. I almost didn't tell her in the end but she could tell something was wrong and got me to tell her. She was pretty quiet for a while but then she started crying, she said she hoped there was a reasonable answer to this but until she spoke to him and we figured it all out I should stay at my Aunts just in case
So I went and stayed at my Aunts last night, we told Steve I was staying at a friends. At school today my Mom texted me saying I should come home after school so we could talk about it. She didn't tell me much about what happened but Steve is gone now, she kicked him out I think and it doesn't sound like he'll be coming back. I don't know if they're going to get a divorce. It sounds like they weren't doing as great as I had thought and when she confronted him he just didn't say anything but obviously looked panicked. She ended up forcing a confession out of him as she threatened to call the police and he admitted he was attracted to me. They were getting better though apparently and my Mom had even said to him the other day that she thought it was great how he was affectionate with me, hugging me and treating me like his own, which she now feels sick about.
I'm not sure if we're going to get the police involved, or if they'd even do anything since I'm 17 anyways and he didn't actually do anything to me. Plus I'm not sure I'd want to deal with the hassle of it all. I kind of just want to move on with my life and help my mum heal. I don't think she blames me but I can't help but feel like I ruined her marriage
So that's about it really, thank you everyone for your concern, I'll actually stick around to answer comments this time, and thank you to everybody who told me about their own experiences, encouraging me to speak up | Im_your_life | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/mvkaea/op_17f_suspects_stepfather_is_attracted_to_her/ | mvkaea | 4,338 | 704 | [
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2021-04-21T19:07:05 | Trip with the Roomies takes a religious turn and the zealot comes out... | AITA | [Link to original ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mraby0/aita_for_refusing_to_attend_church_with_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
[Link to Update](https://www.reddit.com/user/chillvibes72/comments/mvetn7/update_aita_for_refusing_to_attend_church_with_my/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
AITA for refusing to attend church with my roommates?
I(23F) live with Grace(23F) Tom(25M) and Harry(24M)
The 4 of us decided to go on a 4-day trip over the Easter period, to a town 1hr away that we had wanted to visit for a while. None of us had travelled for the last year and we wanted a change of scenery and all complied with our local COVID rules.
We booked an Airbnb and planned some activities; museums, cool parks, local hotspots. We also made it clear that we were each going to be going off on our own to explore if we wanted, and everyone seemed to agree.
The issue was on Easter Sunday. We decided to all go for a walk, ended up at a church, and then Grace told us to go inside. I asked to speak to her alone so we sat on a bench nearby.
I was in a catholic school when I was younger and had a lot of trauma from it, there were some really horrible barbaric punishments that I cant list here.
Grace is religious and I absolutely respect that for her and I see how it enriches her life. When we moved in I explained my experiences to her, and told her that she could have religious items around, host religious events, but that I didnt want to actively participate in any activity or prayer. She agreed and weve never had a problem with it.
While we were on the bench, I reminded her of this conversation, as there were signs that there was an Easter mass happening inside, that I felt uncomfortable going in. I told her that she+the guys were absolutely free to attend, and that I was more than happy to go and get an ice cream and that we could meet up afterwards for lunch.
She reacted badly, started yelling that I was a hypocrite because 2 years ago I visited La Sagrada Familia and went inside and that I should just suck it up and do the same today because Im ruining our trip.
I tried to explain that I can still admire the architecture of a church without wanting to participate, and that when I visited Sagrada I chose a tour slot that wasnt during any service and it was just 300 tourists inside, and that it felt more like visiting a landmark.
She kept shouting and the guys came over and sided with me which made her more upset. Grace went into the church and Harry told me that while he agreed with me, religion is a touchy thing to argue about and I probably shouldve backed down. He followed Grace, while Tom came with me to get ice cream.
The trip was awkward, and when we got home we avoided each other for a while. I though things would go back to normal after a week or 2 but it didnt. I burned myself and she told me I should get used to the pain because Ill be getting burnt a lot in hell. We invited her to sit and watch a movie with us , it was my turn to pick the movie, but she said that if I don't want to participate in her interests she wont participate in mine and stormed off.
I feel really conflicted because Grace (and Harry but not as bad) still think Im the AH here, and Im beginning to think Im a hypocrite because I did go to a church for tourist reasons.
Edit : Thank you all for your comments, there's so many now I unfortunately can't reply to them all. Im now realising that this shouldnt even have been a question and I'm holding onto a lot of self-blame when it comes to this stuff.
I have a lot to think about regarding my roommates, and I don't think I want to share my space with Grace or Harry anymore. Hope you guys all have an amazing day
——-
UPDATE: AITA for refusing to attend church with my roommates?
Some stuff happened and some of you asked for an update so here goes.
After reading all your comments I decided that I dont need that in my life, and I called the landlord. He gave me the OK to not renew for next month, and offered to provide a positive reference, so Im moving out in a few weeks.
I told Grace+Harry yesterday, and they didnt react well. Grace kept on about how I disrespected her, and that she was only trying to make my life better. She admitted to directing us to the church on purpose. (How are you guys so right about this stuff?)
I told her that it wasnt her place to decide what would make my life better, and that her actions showed me that we arent compatible.
Harry didnt say much apart from the fact that moving out was 'a bit drastic'. I reminded him that if she hadn't dragged the original issue out for weeks I probably would have moved on, and that if its drastic to not want to be told Im going to hell while Im minding my own business, then he can call me a drama queen for all I care.
A lot of you said there was something going on between the two of them, I didnt ask. I was overwhelmed in the moment and honestly its not my business anymore.
At this point Tom had been MIA for a few days, so last night I sent him a message asking when he would be home. He called and said he wouldnt be back for a few more days, so I told him I was moving out. I also said I appreciated him standing up for me on the trip, and that we should find time to get some lunch or something before I go.
He was quiet, so I asked if he was okay, and he just started sobbing loudly. I was so shocked that I just listened to him cry for a bit before being like... do you wanna talk about it?
He explained that on the night we watched a movie, after I had gone to sleep, he bumped into Grace and told her that it wasn't fair that she was still punishing me for something that wasn't my fault. Apparently he hit her with the WWJD and she went wild. She told him that he had no right to comment on her religion when he living in sin (!!!) and called him a homophobic slur and Tom packed a bag and went straight to his bf's place and hasnt been back since.
He said he was happy for me that I was moving out, but that he was dreading going back. He cant stay at his bfs for much longer.
I was FURIOUS for him. We decided to find a place together, and that we would help each other pack up and leave and not look back.
I cant believe it escalated so much. I cant believe Grace. Weve had conversations about gay rights and she's agreed with us. She knows I'm bi. Shes had dinner with Tom+ his bf before and just... pretended? Its like it all came out of nowhere.
Anyway I want to thank you all for giving me that push, I cant wait to start a new chapter. | sammybr00ke | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/mvmws9/trip_with_the_roomies_takes_a_religious_turn_and/ | mvmws9 | 6,645 | 593 | [
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2021-04-22T16:32:57 | OP's roommate keys the word "pedo" into his car, and OP is unsure how to proceed legally. [Multiple updates] | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/lk1pyg/my_roommate_keyed_the_word_pedo_into_my_car/) is by /u/ugaphoenix.*
This occurred in Chesapeake, Virginia.
Last night after I had gotten home from work, I had parked my vehicle in the driveway, which I don't normally do because my roommate usually parks his truck there, but the driveway was empty, so I took advantage of the empty space. I went inside and went to bed at about 8:30 last night. When I went to bed, my car was exactly the way that I left it with nothing off about my vehicle.
When I woke up this morning, I went out and I started doordashing. I don't normally use the passenger side of my vehicle for anything. I always use the driver side. When I went to a pizza place to pick up an order, I parked in a way that showed me the passenger side of my vehicle first instead of my driver side. No particular reason, but it just worked out that way due to the parking situation at the restaurant.
When I came out, I noticed the word 'Pedo' keyed into the side of my vehicle, and in that moment, I knew that my roommate had vandalized my property. I knew it was him because several weeks ago, my roommate had went into a fit of paranoid delusion, and started accusing me of being a pedophile, saying that I was like jared from subway, and that I like to touch on little 4 year old children. No one in my entire life has ever accused me of being a pedophile until he did.
I know that it may appear as a coincidence, but no one has ever accused me of being a pedophile before him. I find it highly odd that someone would randomly key the word 'pedo' into the side of my car when I was just accused of being one not even a month ago.
At this point right now, I have called the police and filed a report, filed a claim with my insurance company, and I let the landlord know that I was calling the police. I don't know if there is anything further I can do.
What are some recommendations?
---
[**FIRST UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/lm9371/update_my_roommate_keyed_the_word_pedo_into_my_car/)
This is in Chesapeake, Virginia.
It has been 3 days since I found the word "pedo" engraved onto the passenger side door of my vehicle. I have a couple of updates on the situation.
When I got home, I confronted my roommate, and he slipped up saying "he didn't care" when I told him that he got caught on my cars camera keying up my vehicle. I of course lied, but he didn't know that.
I dropped off my car at the collision center, and I heard back from them today on the total amount of damages estimated to have been done to my car. The amount is over $1300, and that includes the deductible. According to Virginia's vandalism statutes, that is now enough to be felony vandalism. I have updated the Chesapeake Police Department on the cost, and I am hoping that it gets assigned an investigator.
Tomorrow, I am heading down to Chesapeake General District Court in order to file a small claims suit against my roommate before he moves out in an attempted effort to recoup some of the money that I have lost so far. That includes damages, renting a vehicle, and court filing fees.
Wish me luck.
---
[**SECOND UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/lqgqhx/update_my_roommate_keyed_the_word_pedo_into_my_car/)
First things first, I went down to the Chesapeake General District Court on Thursday and filed a civil suit against my roommate for over $2500. I overnighted my copy of the summons to him, and when they arrived on Friday, I slid it under his door since it is technically his mail. Also, when I got home from work last night, I noticed that the sheriff's office had left their copies of the summons attached to the screen door. At the advice of the civil clerk of court, I am not touching it.
I have an update on my car as well. I received a phone call from the collision center yesterday, and my vehicle is ready to be picked up. I am excited that I am going to be back into my own car.
Last, but not least, I am pretty sure that my roommate has moved out early, even though he wasn't due to move out on the first. The only reason I say this is because he hasn't been here in 2 1/2 days, and the security camera he had watching his vehicle is not in his window anymore.
Thank you all for the support. I will make sure to keep y'all updated on the civil case.
---
[**FINAL UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/mcbfwc/update_conclusion_to_my_former_roommate/)
Good afternoon legaladvice community.
Today was the day that I went to small claims court against my former roommate. As I had suspected, he didn't show up at all.
I let the judge know that he did receive both copies of the summons. The one that I am required to mail to him, and the one that the sheriff's office served him with, so there should have been no reason why he didn't show up. I also let the judge know that shortly after he received both summons, he had moved out.
The judge asked me if I had any way to get in contact with him, and I said no. I also said that he didn't leave a forwarding address, so I have no idea where he could be at.
In the end, I requested the judge to issue judgement in my favor, and she honored my request. Now, I have to wait 10 days before I can file anything that would allow me to recoup my funds through alternative means.
Thank you to everyone who gave me advice on this topic. I hope that my update gives everyone the conclusion they were hoping for.
See ya.
---
*When asked why his roommate initially accused him of being a pedo, OP commented:*
Idk. I wish I did, but I never really interacted with my former roommate, except to ask him to febreze his room and outside of his door after he got done smoking pot.
The particular day that he started accusing me of a lot of things, including being a pedophile, I had literally just gotten home from work, and I hadn't even been home 30 minutes, when he started accusing me of a variety of things.
The things he accused me of: breaking into his room, stealing his wallet, stealing his truck keys, tainting his food, tainting his drinks, antagonizing his dog, and being a pedophile. He accused me of all of these things without presenting any proof.
Now normally, I don't care what you say about me. You can call me the biggest fucking asshole in the world. But there are things that I won't tolerate being called: racist and derogatory terms. When he called me a pedophile, I wanted to beat the daylights out of him because he accused me of being something so disgusting and sick. But I didn't.
Regardless he is gone, and I don't have to worry about him tripping balls anymore. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/mw8qa3/ops_roommate_keys_the_word_pedo_into_his_car_and/ | mw8qa3 | 6,722 | 401 | [
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2021-04-22T17:25:58 | OP's insane employer is charging them $90 for being late to work. [AskAManager] | EXTERNAL: AskAManager | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.askamanager.org/2018/11/my-employer-fined-me-90-for-being-late.html) appeared on the AskAManager blog, not on Reddit.*
My company has a ridiculous late fine policy: you will be fined $2 for every minute, starting from 9:01 a.m. So if you come in at 9:05 a.m., that’s $10 you gotta pay up in cash. (This is not somewhere where down-to-the-minute coverage would be essential. It’s just typical deskbound, back-end work. I can see why the receptionist who gets the calls will need to be there smack on the dot, but the rest of us — not really.)
I’ve been here for over a year, and have been fined maybe three times. They were for 9:01 a.m., 9:02 a.m. and 9:08 a.m. I was intensely annoyed and embarrassed, but okay, I can still absorb the $2-$16 financial pinch.
I hate this policy because it nickel and dimes employees down to the first minute, and at a very high rate. I hate this policy because coming in at 9:01 a.m. does not makes you any less productive than the dude who came in at 9:00 a.m., whose bloody computer is still starting up.
A few days ago, I overslept for the first time. I somehow slept through my usual TWO alarms and woke up with a start at 8:30 a.m. — an hour late. I immediately texted my manager that I had overslept and asked if it was possible to get an emergency, UNPAID, half-day leave. I had calculated that coming in an hour late would result in a $120 fine, which is painfully difficult for me to absorb. I’m a junior employee.
My manager said no. She wanted me to come in anyway because “it’s the right thing to do.” I cried some tears of frustration, but told her okay and rushed like hell down, but not before racking up 45 minutes worth of late fine — $90.
Alison, I understand that she wants me to be punished accordingly. I accept that sleeping through two alarms was all on me.
At the same time — and I don’t know if this matters — I’m a relatively high performer at work. I truly enjoy what I do and do a decent job at it. I just received a glowing annual appraisal and got publicly commended by the director, in spite of my young age (this is my first job out of college) and junior position. Furthermore, I work overtime every day because my workload is high, even though we don’t get any overtime pay. And I’m not chronically late — this was my first time oversleeping.
And yet, my manager rejected my request for an UNPAID, half-day leave. Technically, she is right and I deserved it. But I don’t think being rigidly strict here was warranted. Am I just entitled for feeling this way? If you divide my monthly salary by 30 days, $90 is what I earn in one day. I will have to cough up an entire day’s salary (worth three weeks of lunch expenses!) for this, and my manager was cool with that? I’m fuming, yet I don’t know if I have the right to be.
Part of me wants to talk about this with my manager to see if it could’ve been handled differently — if I could’ve been given the unpaid, half-day leave. Is this worth revisiting with her about, and if so, how should I approach it?
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.askamanager.org/2019/12/update-my-employer-fined-me-90-for-being-late.html)
As I waited for the day where the accountants would swing by my desk to collect the cash from me as they used to, that day somehow never arrived.
Turns out, the company received several scathing anonymous reviews online for this practice, and they were pretty upset about it tarnishing their image.
So they quietly scrapped the policy without telling anyone. We just figured it out through hearsay and experience over time when the accountants were no longer coming up to us to collect our fines.
I’m glad we no longer have to bleed cash at such a high rate, but we still have a strict punctuality policy down to the minute which is taken into account in our performance reviews and is still deeply embedded into our culture.
Think people cursing and getting anxious in the elevators stopping at every other floor at 8:58 am; texting the admin with a PICTURE of us that we are not late – our elevator has just broken down and we’re trapped; and people running like a madman to the office gates at 9:00 am before it strikes 9:01 am.
I love what I do and my coworkers otherwise, though, so that definitely helps a lot. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/mw9wyg/ops_insane_employer_is_charging_them_90_for_being/ | mw9wyg | 4,311 | 253 | [
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2021-04-23T08:02:14 | OP’s asexual roommate demands that she stop sexting her boyfriend while they live together | Relationship_Advice | *This is a repost. The [original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/msy7mx/my_ace_roommate_20nb_doesnt_like_me_20f_sexting/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) is by u/ThrowRAaceroommate*
My ace roommate (20NB) doesn't like me (20F) sexting with my long distance partner (21M)
for some background, I have been with my partner for around three and a half years. about two years ago, I started college, moved two and a half hours away, and met my current roommate. my partner accepted that I was moving so far away from home and the two of us visited often last year, but we didn't have that option this year due to COVID restrictions. so naturally because we're both adults we started sending each other nudes and sexting every once in a while (among facetiming daily and sending each other gifts in the mail). well, my roommate is asexual (isn't attracted to people sexually, but still romantically and aesthetically) and is sex repulsed. i'm bi and obviously into sex lol, but this difference never caused issues between us. I feel like I've done my best to respect their feelings and not make sex jokes and I've avoided talking about my sex life with them.
well, a few days ago I went to show my roommate a meme I had saved to my camera roll and one of my nudes showed up at the bottom of the screen as like a preview of the other pictures in my camera roll. *I didn't do this on purpose.* I want to make that clear. I normally delete my nudes out of my phone basically as soon as I take them because I'm terrified of anyone accidentally seeing them who isn't supposed to. turns out that I missed one
my roommate was *pissed.* for about a day they were insisting that I had "shown them something sexual" on purpose, but eventually they accepted that I didn't. now they've moved on to demanding that I stop sexting my partner and sending nudes to him because it makes them uncomfortable. since this is a shared space between the two of us, they think it's disrespectful for me to do this because they're sex repulsed. they don't want to think about me taking sexual pictures of myself every time I go to shower or change my clothes because "it's disgusting." they claim it's like if they were to bring peanuts into the dorm and constantly eat peanuts around me because I'm allergic. but I don't think that's a good analogy? I don't feel like I necessarily did anything wrong, even if I do feel bad that they accidentally saw my nude and I want to make it up to them somehow.
I've been swallowing my anger the last few days because even though I want to make it up to them, I don't like it that they're trying to dictate what happens in my romantic relationship. on top of that, they're sort of a shitty roommate (i.e. never cleans up after themself, never pays for groceries, never takes the trash out, will say they're doing the dishes but only do half of them, etc.) and I was planning on living with my partner next year because of that. our semester ends in three weeks, so should I confront them and tell them "no, I'm not going to stop sexting my partner"? or should i just tell them that I'll stop in order to keep the peace? my partner says that my roommate is being ridiculous, but as angry as I am I feel like I do need to make it up to them somehow because obviously it was upsetting to them. either way, I don't want to stop sexting my partner, but I'm beginning to wonder if I actually have been disrespectful to them this whole year. what should I do?
[UPDATE:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/mwd094/update_my_ace_roommate_20nb_doesnt_like_me_20f/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
this is an update no one asked for, but figured i should update anyway. you can read [the original here](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/msy7mx/my_ace_roommate_20nb_doesnt_like_me_20f_sexting/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
for better or worse, this situation has come to an end.
a few hours after I posted originally, I decided to make dinner in the community dorm kitchen because my roommate was getting off of work and I thought that things might go over better if we both had food. well, I didn't time it right so I wasn't done when they got back to the dorm and so they came to find me. usually I am in the dorm when they get back and so I had texted them already that I was making dinner in the kitchen in case I wasn't there when they got back and well... things were only okay for about five minutes.
as I was beginning to finish up, I casually said something to the effect of "I know you just got off work so you can have some of this if you want. I don't think I'll eat all of it by myself."
to which they replied, verbatim, "I don't share food with people who disrespect me."
I tried my best to take your guys' advice and be calm about this, so I apologized again for the picture and said that it was really embarrassing for me as well, so it would be best if we could just both forget about it. again, they were insisting that because they're ace it's disrespectful for me to have a sex life while living with them essentially. I kept trying to politely ask if they could explain why they were feeling disrespected in more detail because I was struggling to understand how I was disrespecting them. well, they wouldn't answer that question directly and it escalated.
basically they kept yelling at me about how I was acephobic and how awful i was being. I eventually finished cooking and was trying to get them to just go back to the dorm so we could talk about it in private. they wouldn't let me out of the kitchen and kept yelling. the RA got called on us.
so the RA had us both speak to her separately and then came to our dorm to talk to us together. basically, she just wanted us to find a different solution that was fair to the both of us and my roommate refused to budge on their demand and kept yelling at me and at one point stood up and got in my face (I was still sitting) and the RA had to make them leave the room to talk to her privately again. I'm not sure what they spoke about, but my roommate's parents came and picked them up and then Monday they came back and packed up all their things and moved out while I was in class.
we haven't spoken since but I have texted them saying I hope they're doing okay. but yeah... there's the end of that (story and friendship). it's not the way I would have preferred things going, but it's for the best. sorry this was sort of long, but thank you everyone for your advice! it was really appreciated!
edit: I don't think what my roommate did had anything to do with how they identify. there was something else happening that i'm not aware of that is causing their behavior. don't use this story to justify your own prejudice against NB/asexual people | flowerpotss | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/mwqbu8/ops_asexual_roommate_demands_that_she_stop/ | mwqbu8 | 6,886 | 514 | [
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2021-04-23T15:00:27 | Guy Regrets Agreeing To An Open Relationship | TIFU | [Original Post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/cmsuxr/tifu_by_agreeing_to_an_open_relationship/)
TIFU by agreeing to an open relationship
Technically, this started 4 days ago. My gf and I had been dating for about 2 years and I could sense things between us weren't as exciting as they used to be. She didn't seem as happy to see me everyday when I came home from work so obviously I talked to her about it. My suspicions turned out to be true because she admitted to me that since I was her first and only boyfriend, she had always wondered if she's been missing out on what other people could possibly offer.
She told me she still loved me a lot and didn't want to break up, but she just wasn't sure if she'd regret only being with me her whole life. Unfortunately, it was me who suggested maybe trying an open relationship for 1 month; that way we could stay together, but she could do her exploring, and it would give us both a chance to not be tied down by each other.Less than 3 days later, she came home with some guy and asked me if I could leave them both alone in our room.
I still had yet to even talk to any other girls. It was my idea for an open relationship, so I agreed and left because I trusted that I was still the guy she loved. Obviously, I didn't want to stay in the apartment so I went out that night. I came back home at 3 in the morning and they were both still in the apartment with the bedroom door locked so I slept on the couch.
They both must have left this morning while I was asleep and I have no idea where she is, so I'm just sitting on the couch watching reruns of Parks and Rec to kill some time. I texted her saying good morning and she said it back. However, I don't know what to do next, since this is something I agreed to do.
Edit: I'll post an update when more stuff happens.
TLDR: I agreed to an open relationship and gf immediately started seeing another guy while I'm sitting at home alone.
[Update #1](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/coxomp/tifu_update_by_agreeing_to_an_open_relationship/)
Summary: I agreed to an open relationship because gf seemed disinterested in our current situation. She came back 3 days later and slept with a guy in our room.
Sorry it took so long to write this; things have been pretty hectic lately. For the sake of ease, I'll call my girlfriend Clare, an the other guy Gus.
So, Clare did end up getting home very late that night and jumped into bed with me. I was mostly asleep but she must've known I was awake because she laughed to me about how I changed the bedsheets. I decided I'd wait until the next morning to actually bring anything up.
The conversation we had the next morning had a lot of back and forth. First of all, I wanted to clear up her relationship with Gus. She admitted to me that she had been talking to him for a while but never had sex with him until that day in our bedroom. I don't know whether or not I can believe her on it but that was the story she was sticking by. She insisted that what she did wasn't wrong since she only had sex with him AFTER I kinda gave her permission to, and that there was nothing wrong with her talking to him in the first place. My argument was the fact that her talking to him is what caused our relationship issues in the first place, while she said that wasn't the reason. I asked her if we could stop our "open relationship" experiment and she called me a hypocrite, which didn't really make sense to me. After more bickering, she stormed out of the apartment.
Since then, she's kind of just been coming and going from the apartment and we haven't talked about anything. She's probably going to Gus but there's no way for me to confirm it. We still sleep on the same bed and continue our regular schedule. I've been talking to the landlord, however, and found out that since I'm the lease-owner, I would technically be able to make her leave the apartment. I pay most of the rent anyway and would easily be able to afford this place for myself. I'm just not sure if she has anywhere to go if I kick her out.
TLDR: We talked and now she's mad at me for being a "hypocrite." I'm considering kicking her out.
[Update #2](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/cspa91/tifu_update_2_by_agreeing_to_an_open_relationship/)
Summary: I agreed to an open relationship because gf seemed disinterested in our current situation. She came back 3 days later and slept with a guy in our room. We talked and now she's mad at me for being a "hypocrite." I'm considering kicking her out.
UPDATE #2: So I really didn't want to write about this because I know I would be letting all of you down. I guess the good news is we did break up. The bad news, however, is that she still lives with me and I can't stand to kick her out. 2 years of history, plus the fact I still find her really attractive makes it hard for me to just let her go and never speak to her again. So to all of you who very firmly told me to kick her out and move on with my life, I'm sorry, I couldn't do it.
She admitted to me that she didn't really want to date me anymore and that she didn't see a future with me, but never really explicitly explained why she felt that way. I guess in a way, I didn't expect a future either, even though I kind of wanted one. So right now, we're still living together and still getting intimate with the understanding that if either of us ever finds someone we actually want to be with, she'll move out. I guess the tough part here for me is that I know it will be a lot easier for her to find a guy than for me to find a girl. So when she finds a guy, I'll feel very lost for a long time. But I still really enjoy the time we do spend together and am hoping maybe I'd be able to win her back while I still have the chance. The fact she still wants to get intimate with me must mean she still has at least some feelings for me, right?
TLDR: We're fucking until either of us finds someone else we'd rather be in a relationship with | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/mwx736/guy_regrets_agreeing_to_an_open_relationship/ | mwx736 | 6,010 | 189 | [
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2021-04-23T21:00:19 | Wife asks Husband to drop creep of a friend | AITA | ### *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mvhysg/aita_for_banning_my_husbands_friend_from_our_house/) by l4lun3*###
My husband and I have been together for 10 years including 6 years married and have a beautiful 1y/o.
He has a best friend from his college years, they are very close and since they both are only child formed brotherly bond.
His friend and I never get along well, at first he was jealous that my husband was in relationship and seemed "disgustingly" in love with me (in his own words) as years passed he become more civil towards me but I'm too socially shy and introvert so we never become friends or anything. I admit I don't like to hang out with him and avoid him.
But he come often to my house and everytime I cook or bake something special and it's the only way we can get along. I did this because I know how close my husband and him are.
Recently my husband got a new cellphone and handed it to me because he always forgets his passwords. So I was downloading his chats backups when I saw a recent message from his friend telling him that x girl was really disappointed he didn't show up again, I was intrigued so I opened the chat and oh man, the whole chat was filled with messages from his friend encouraging him to meet with this girl. My husband brushed him all the time but he kept insisting. At some point his friend told him this girl was way younger than me and her body was hotter and that my husband had to admit that my body have changed a lot after my pregnancy. Even mentioned that this girl's vagina will be tighter (disgusting)
I've never felt so dragged.
His friends messages him multiple times saying he was drinking with his girlfriend and this girl whose was willing. And called him a pussy when he refused.
I confronted my husband and he said thar in fact his friend have been being more a jerk than usual but he never actually considered cheating on me with this girl or anybody else for the matter. I trust him but I don't trust his friend.
I don't want to be that type of wife and tell him who he can't be friend with, but I made very clear I didn't want his friend to put a foot in my house again or be near my daughter that recently started calling him "uncle"
My husband agrees but thinks banning him from the house is too much. Said he would have a serious talk with him about his disgusting behavior but the banning was too much and this is his house too so should have a said. That lead us to a fight because I'm adamant they could stay friend but not in my house my husband thinks I'm a TA for trying to rule who can and who can't come to OUR house.
Am I TA here?
###[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mx1eg9/update_aita_for_banning_my_husbands_best_friend/)###
Thank you for all your responses. Some people asked me for an update.
Yesterday after breakfast I sat with my husband to have a talk.
I told him he was right, banning his friend was wrong. They will meet anywhere else where he can still actively drag me down and encourage him to cheat. Plus I don't want my daughter to be near a grown man that was constantly thinking about how tight a young girl's vagina may be. (I didn't mention it in my post but this girl is in her early 20's while we all are in our mid 30's)
My husband was mad at me for insinuating than his friend was a perv and was even more mad because now I was saying he should cut his friendship out.
I told him I feel disappointed that he let someone talk of me and my body that way. I was disappointed that someone tried to sabotage our marriage and he let him got away with it. If the family we had built was less important than this brotherhood he should go ahead and tell me already so I won't be losing my time.
He said I was right but I couldn't possibly understand him because I came from a large family. I pointed out that he HAS A FAMILY NOW and his family must come first than any friendship, brotherhood or whatever. He agreed.
Well, later that day his friend came over to pick something, they ended up hanging in our front yard for 2 hours and my husband even took our daughter to say to uncle and play.
I was seeing red. I waited until the friend left packed mine and my girl's stuff and left to my parents.
I message him, he had two options: to man up and stick to his family or see us in court.
I wasn't about to take any disrespect from nobody not him. Not his friend.
I also sent him the link of my previous post so he could see some extra perspective.
He massage me telling me how sorry he was. He was willing to do anything to not lose us. He said he was sorry for being so weak and not protecting me, our intimacy and our marriage.
Sent me some screenshots were he tells his friend to stop trying to introduce him to women and getting him to cheat. He asked for a dinner to discuss some boundaries they need to set in their friendship and the respect he should has for his marriage.
My husband asked me to come along to this dinner so I can see myself that it's true he's setting boundaries and he will put distance between then too.
Also agreed to do some kind counseling to deal with his own trauma of losing people.
I said that I support him hearty, but I'm staying with my parents until dinner with his friend is over and I see some kind of improvement.
That is.
Again thanks.
## [Second](https://www.reddit.com/r/u_l4lun3/comments/mybx9c/an_update_on_my_previous_update_about_banning_my/) update ##
An UPDATE on my previous UPDATE about banning my husband's friend.
Hello everybody:
I didn't know where to post this but since a lot of people has been asking me for a second update.
So here it is.
My husband picked me out from my parents to go to dinner. Before entering in the restaurant my hubby had a talk.
I let him know that I love him with my whole life and before this I felt beyond proud of the man I married. He has been an amazing husband and wonderful father. So I kind of understand why this friendship and this person was so important to him, I excuse him for years (the friend) too, I welcomed him in my house too and let go how poorly he treated me when we were first dating. But a this point his disrespect toward me and our marriage has turned into problem and I wasn't willing to turn my face and pretend I wasn't seeing. I didn't want our girl around this kind if influence. He failed me when he let this man talk to me in the way he did for MONTHS if no years. He didn't understand any of this then maybe we weren't doing anything together.
He said he perfectly understood my point and he agreed that if this was any other person he would've reacted in a very different way. He also agreed that it have been a long time since they were in the same page in life.
With his friend it was a little as predicted his friend apologized profusely for any misunderstanding and said he didn't mean anything he said, that was just man/shit talk.
I thanked for the apologize but said I was sure he meant every word.
My husband then explained the above to him. Said that for a long time they have been like brothers or more than that, he was at my husband's side when he had nobody and he owe him that. But right now he does has a family that needed to be his priority.
His friend turned to me and told me "oh so you finally found a way to manipulate him into stop being friends"
My husband said that they need to go LOW contact. And keep their distances. He didn't wanted to cut him completely if he crossed the line he was drawing he will cut him for good. He said he hopes his friend will grow and become a better person, the good person my husband always wished he was.
His friend called a witch, a control freak etc. Said he always know I will end finishing him.
We left and his friend texted him what keeping his distances means, my husband replied that it means they could check on each other every once in while and if he needed him he will be there.
I'm still staying at my parents until we do our first marriage counseling tomorrow and my husband is on therapy already.
Today we all are spending sunday at my parents, doing a bbq.
Thanks to y'all.
## [Third](https://www.reddit.com/user/l4lun3/comments/mz8znu/this_is_my_last_update_on_the_subject/) update ##
Hi everyone.
Again thank you for all your messages this story just blow up more than I expected.
I didn't know it was on youtube and I've been getting a lot of messages. Some people message me on personal account and that scared me up a little.
Some people seems to be really invested in this and has been encouraging me to get a divorce asap. I understand where all this come, my husband has disappointed me too. However I'm trying really hard on: a) standing up for myself, divorce is my last option but it is my backup plan if nothing else works. I'm staying with my parents because as I said before I'm not going back to our house until I feel is safe and I'm going to be respected as I deserve to be. My husband has full access to our daughter so stop saying I'm taking his family from him. B) couple and individual counselling to save whatever that can be save in our marriage. During our joint session my husband opened to me about his old fears and the ones that popped out with our daughter's birth I'm not getting into details because of his privacy. C) Trying to be supportive of my husband, I don't think he is a bad person, I still trusting him and most important I still love him.
It's very hard to do all three things and I'm starting to feel drained but I think my family is worth of it.
I know this not a perfect ending but hopefully it's not an ending.
Btw, again, thanks. | Willuknight | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/mx4zdo/wife_asks_husband_to_drop_creep_of_a_friend/ | mx4zdo | 9,701 | 419 | [
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2021-04-24T00:37:38 | [Actual Title] Living with a dude on parole doesn't mean I have to abide by the conditions of his parole, right? | LegalAdvice | [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/moefxj/living_with_a_dude_on_parole_doesnt_mean_i_have/?sort=top)
Submitted to /r/legaladvice by /u/TheIceManFarteth
Gonna skip the backstory here beyond what's immediately relevant. I'm a month into a year long work related relocation, and the coworker I was supposed to move in with quit, so the landlord wound up letting him sublet. He found a local guy who just finished a reasonably long bid and as such is currently on parole. He moved in last week and immediately started making demands, and frankly I'm not really having it. The big things are no weed in the house which is straight up not fucking happening, especially right after NY legalized, and not bringing anyone with a record back to the apartment - I went to college up here and have some friends in the area and almost all of them have a record. He also claims that I have to let his PO search my fucking room. Nothing illegal in there but I'm just not cool with that shit on principle.
Please spare me the "he deserves a second chance" shit. In general I am 100% on the same page, and I am not actively trying to be a roadblock. That said, between his attitude and the fact that I am not huge on suddenly living with a sex offender, I wouldn't lose any sleep if he wound up violating his parole because of me just living my life. The only issues I am interested in here are the ones that could have legal implications for me.
So is there anything that I can do here that isn't illegal on its own that will get me in trouble, or will this piece of shit's PO just come down on him if the house smells like we're backstage at a Snoop Dogg concert and there's an ounce sitting on the coffee table when he drops by for a surprise visit, or if I decline to unlock my room to let him to poke around? I'm almost positive that this is all his problem, not mine, but I'm not 100% sure and my homegirl told me to check this site so here we are.
Thanks
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/mx2fqv/updateresolution_to_my_surprise_parolee_roommate/)
The same friend who suggested that I come here for advice told me that it would be bad form to not come back with an update, so here's an update.
My landlord called Shitbucket the day after my first post and told him he'd be coming by the following evening to discuss the situation and their options going forward. Pisslips told him that he didn't want to do so with me around because "I'd been going out of my way to intimidate him." I'd actually been doing everything in my power to minimize our interactions, but whatever. I made myself scarce shortly before the landlord came by, so the rest of this is coming from my him.
They had their talk on the front lawn, and Fuckface more or less started throwing a temper tantrum immediately upon realizing that he wasn't going to get his way. Long story short, a few neighbors had already come outside to watch the shitshow by the time this fucking genius took a swing at the landlord, and he was in police custody by the time I got home. His mother (who to nobody's surprise turned out to be a piece of work herself) hired some dudes to move his stuff out a few days later. It is my understanding that I had essentially washed my hands of this piece of shit the moment they left with the last box of his shit.
So that is where I am at now. There's some other weirdness that doesn't really add up but it's no longer my concern so frankly I don't give a shit. All things considered, this is sort of a best case scenario aside from my landlord's jaw (and even that isn't anything along the lines of a significant injury).
Thanks again for the advice. | miles_allan | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/mx918y/actual_title_living_with_a_dude_on_parole_doesnt/ | mx918y | 3,686 | 357 | [
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2021-04-24T14:43:27 | OP Finds Out She Helped Her Dad Catch Her Mom Cheating | TIFU | [Original Post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/cnnwuj/tifu_by_asking_about_my_parenta_divorce_and_found/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
TIFU by asking about my parents divorce and found out I contributed to the divorce.
Okay, first off, my parents have been divorced for 12+ years. I am 21 now and was 7 or 8 when they split. I found out a few years ago it was because my mom was cheating on my Dad with my nurse from the NICU from 1997 (oof).
Casually talking to my mom (who has since remarried for the THIRD time) I asked about their divorce out of curiosity. She went into a few details and brought up a car ride with my Dad. She wouldnt elaborate so I called my Dad (BIG MISTAKE).
Mind you, Dad took me and my sister in when my mom left and raised us. It kind of went like this:
Me: "So I was talking to mom about your divorce and she brought up a ride in the car with you that initiated the divorce".
Dad: hesitantly " Yeah, you, me and your sister were in the car when I came back from overseas and we were talking about what you guys wanted to be when you grew up. Your sister said something and you said "I want to be a nurse like, [insert his name here]". I pulled over to the side of the road and you spilled the beans".
Apparently, at 7 or 8, I informed my dad about a guy staying in OUR house in HIS room sleeping in THEIR bed while he was gone for months for military stuff. I told him EVERYTHING. How mom told us he was an "old friend" who needed "help" and who would be staying with us "to protect us while Daddy is gone". How he watched us for a week while mom disappeared, took us to movies, dinner, etc. There was a point of him asking if I would move to California with him and my mom (they got married 2 weeks after my parents divorce was finalized and moved to California).
I never remembered this occurence. He said he went home, pulled phone records, emails and even the chat messenger history (this is like 2004 or 2005 idk).
I'm not blaming myself, but, damn. Little me saved my Dad's ass from being used any longer by her.
Note to self: dont ask too many questions. Insert big "WHAT THE FUCK" here.
TL;DR. TIFU by asking too many questions about my parents divorce and found out I'm the one who dimed my mom out for infidelity.
Edit: This is a fuck up because I was apparently never supposed to know - hence my mom not wanting to talk about it and my dad being hesitant on telling me.
Edit 2: Super fuck up. I'm learning more and more about their marriage I never needed to know from other family. I was the "save the marriage" baby.
Edit 3: Wow. I didnt realise how many other people have gone through finding out this kind of stuff later in life. Kudos to all of you for learning from the example!
Edit 4: Holy shit! I've learned a lot from all of you! This blew up and I've made a few decisions: -I am never getting married -I think it's time to cut off my mom -Dont ask questions about your parents failed marriage -
Edit 5: Apparently, after the divorce, she wrote my grandmother a letter stating she didnt want to take care of children and wanted to "live her life".
Also, I didnt remember this occurence because I guess it didnt really stick out to me. My dad said he acted calm and acknowledged everything, like a normal convo. The events after I remember oh so vividly.
Moral of this story: Dont think your kids wont talk if you're cheating and do not BRING them around your kids. Actually, just dont cheat 🤦♀️ easier said than done but damn!
Also, please note, I didnt have to throw any paper for my mom to be a ho!
Final Edit: Thanks to everyone for sharing their stories similar to mine and acknowledging that, for the children, the divorce was never their fault! These conversations have really got me thinking about how toxic for me it is to talk to my mom. I'll update in a bit. Thanks guys and keep your head up if you fuck up!
[Update ](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/co5hbl/tifu_update_asking_about_my_parents_divorce_and/)
After careful consideration, numerous conversations with fellow redditors and talking with my sister, u/goshdarnspiffy, I have decided to end communication with my mom. It's just not in my own best interest to keep in contact with her.
Besides the divorce and infidelity, there were years of mental and physical abuse both me and my sister endured due to the new dynamics that came as a result of the divorce, and my sister became my mother figure which put a lot of stress on both of us as well.
It has been a little over 5 years since I left my mom's house (I stayed with her my last two years of high school), and I have a child of my own now. I kept in contact with my mom solely out of pity because she has burned so many bridges, and I thought that seeing her grandson might help things. I wanted everything that happened to be water under the bridge. I reconnected in May of 2016 when my Nana passed a few months after I had my son.
I hoped she would change. She hasn't. I havent been close with her but I do talk to her every so often.
Now knowing she did the same thing to my Dad (much worse than me if we are being honest) and to my older sister, I dont think it is in me or my sons best interest to have any further communication.
I had an epiphany thanks to all of you. She was the example I needed in my life of who I dont want to be and my Dad is the example of who I want to be. I'm a single mom with an awesome little boy who's now three - his Dad abused me, beat me up twice and was sent to jail for it, twice. With my Dad's help, I was able to get away. He smelled his bullshit from a mile away but I continued to hang on because, as with my mom, I hoped he would change. Instead, I left and drove across the country never once looking back. My Dad let me and my son live with him until we got our own place.
TL;DR Yesterday I fucked up by learning I helped catch my mom cheating. This turned into learning more about my parents horrible marriage which uncovered years of abuse towards my dad that he never spoke up about.
Best Dad Ever!
Goodbye, mom. Thanks for giving me life but you have proven you dont deserve to be in it anymore. I will forever be a Daddys girl.
Edit: Its been suggested by many and I might write a book
Edit 2: Much love for everyone that has been or are currently going through this sort of thing! You can either learn from the example or become the example!
Edit 3: I wanted to note that women are not the only ones who are subjected to Domestic Violence - My Dad dealt with it with my mom. Dont be afraid to speak up!
Edit 4: I took off the favorite picture of me and my dad. Ya nasties.
Edit 5: I have been getting a lot of messages about this update. Feel free to message me if you need support about something similar or have any input! | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/mxlbwt/op_finds_out_she_helped_her_dad_catch_her_mom/ | mxlbwt | 6,851 | 409 | [
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2021-04-24T16:29:02 | Bride becomes bridezilla and ends up damaging her own wedding and losing at the very least one good friend. OP probably dodged a bullet. | weddingshaming | This is a repost. Original in r/weddingshaming by u/AccidentNo1
[Bridezilla or bad bridesmaid?](https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingshaming/comments/jvg0ot/bridezilla_or_bad_bridesmaid/)
So I may have just witnessed my best friends first bridezilla moment, but I don't if maybe I'm the one in the wrong here. You tell me if this is as irrational of an expectation as I think it is or if I'm just an idiot.
So my best friend is having a destination wedding in April at a very expensive hotel in South Beach (FL). Very shiny, pricey wedding. I am a bridesmaid. She had originally told me that they were going to be taking a look at how COVID-19 is closer to the wedding and would decided if they were going to cancel/reschedule then, which sounds fair. Everything has been pretty considerate up until today -- the dresses and shoes were moderately priced, we could wear our own jewelry, etc.
Then today. Oooh today. Today she texted me asking if I had booked the hotel for the wedding yet. I responded no, as I was waiting to here the final call on whether or not the wedding was happening (secretly really hoping it wasn't happening as realistically it probably wont be safe to have a 150 person wedding by then and I feel immensely pressured to go and not back out, as she has been my best friend since I was like 8). Anyways... she said they were going forward with the wedding regardless of COVID. She told me that I need to book a room at their hotel under their room block because not enough people have been booked and sent me the link. Now, we had not discussed the hotel prior. I was prepared to pay for my own flight and hotel to go to the wedding......until I saw the price. **The cheapest room option for $649 per night!!!!!!!!** This is unholy. I had no idea the hotel would cost that much as we hadn't discussed accommodations before.
So I texted her and profusely apologized but I couldn't afford to stay at that hotel. I found a hotel literally 1 block away for $180 per night, so I asked if it was okay that I stay there. It was so close that I'd still be able to do everything with them and not miss anything. She was NOT having it. She told me absolutely not. I'm in the bridal party and had to stay at the hotel she picked. I asked if there were any bridesmaids that would be willing to group up and share a room -- she said no, everybody needs their own room so that they use all of the blocked rooms. Apparently nobody is booking there.....Gee I wonder why? I apologized again and said I just couldn't afford it, especially with the flights. She told me I was being a bad friend and that I should have never agreed to be a bridesmaid if I wasn't willing to 'sacrifice for her special day'. I had already sacrificed first my planned vacation in 3 years for this wedding, as I don't have a lot of discretionary money. I couldn't afford to do both. And also, when I agreed she didn't have a venue picked out! And once she picked it, I didn't know it was absolutely mandatory that I stay at that specific hotel or the wrath of god was going to come down on me!
I honestly don't even know what to say to her at this point. Was I an idiot for not backing out when I saw that their wedding was at an expensive hotel? Or is it crazy to expect everyone to stay at a hotel that cost $649 per night without checking with them first?
**Edit:** Thanks everybody for the assurance that this is an insane demand. I thought I might have been in the wrong because I didn't back out when I found out the venue. Yes, I knew the venue was expensive and they are paying a pretty penny for it, I just didn't think I *had* to stay there because I was never told I had to. Maybe my wedding ignorance made me a jerk. But nevertheless, I am carefully crafting my response to her -- *may update later*
\-------------------------------------------------------------------
OP later posted in r/AITA and sent [THIS UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jyaei4/aita_for_not_staying_at_the_hotel_my_friend/)
**Disclaimer:** *I posted this in the /weddingshaming subreddit a few days ago, but some people thought it'd be appropriate for here (edited for word count) I have since been "relieved of my bridesmaid duties". At the time I was annoyed and over it, but am now once again questioning if maybe I overreacted. The consensus there was that this was an unreasonable request, but we are there to shame weddings after all, maybe the vibe here will be different.*
EDIT: The other reason I posted here is because I’ve been back and forth on it. At first I was pissed so I posted in weddingshaming. I didn’t think I was wrong but wanted assurance. Then I ended up texting her, long argument ensued and I was ousted as bridesmaid. She sent me a super long dramatic "pink slip" which I thought was over the top. But then as I read it over and over again I had a meltdown and second guessed everything. As somebody mentioned, weddingshaming is a thread of people who are more cynical about weddings in general. So I thought I got a more biased opinion there. I posted it here to reach a more general audience, but it looks like there wasn’t much difference in opinion. Thank you to the person who informed me you could go past the character limit in edits!
\-------------------------------------------------------------------
[Update: Bridezilla or bad bridesmaid?](https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingshaming/comments/mx49p1/update_bridezilla_or_bad_bridesmaid/)
So here is the update to my previous post about my friend being upset that I couldn’t stay in the extravagant hotel that she was holding her wedding at. For those who did not see the first update before – a text message argument ensued and I was removed from the bridal party. HOWEVER, about three weeks later, my friend came to me with an apology and invited me back into the wedding and said I could share a room with one of the other bridesmaids (aka, another bridesmaid also refused to stay at the hotel and dropping two bridesmaids would make the numbers very uneven). I decided to brush off our previous conversation to wedding stress as she has been a good friend for a long time/
My friend (Bride) and her husband got married last Saturday in South Beach/Miami. The guest list was originally 150, but ended up only being about 25. Anyways, overall the wedding was beautiful and very well put together, but there were definitely some eyeroll moments and ridiculousness that went down afterwards. Turns out I should have just bailed when I was given the out. Unlike before though, it wasn’t just me taking the brunt of her. Here are the highlights.
This isn’t that egregious, but the number of events that happened over the course of 5 days was insane. This isn’t a cultural thing, btw. I arrived only in time for the rehearsal dinner on Friday (which apparently was an issue) but the festivities actually started on Wednesday. There was a family and friends luncheon (aka everybody who showed up to the wedding) followed by a welcome dinner on Wednesday, followed by the wedding party luncheon and welcome dinner on Thursday, and then a combined rehearsal luncheon on Friday followed by the actual rehearsal dinner on Friday night. I heard from other people in the bridal party that these events were all over Miami proper and nobody had cars – so basically everybody was paying to uber all over the place. Not to mention, the couple was nearly 1.5 hours late to every single event. (Side note: Apparently they had a toast/speech hour at one of them but nobody but the mother of the bride gave a speech...yikes)
Bride wanted an impromptu bachelorette party the night before the wedding. She was unable to have one before because of COVID, but apparently she was expecting us bridesmaids to have one planned for her once we got to South Beach. Whoops – not mind readers. MOH caught wind of this and tried to rally us to go down to Ocean Drive and bar hop. Nobody was down. Yes, we’re all vaccinated but none of us were willing to go down there with the spring break crowds. We agreed to hang out by the pool bar after the rehearsal dinner instead. MOH told her about the plan and she threw a fit. She wanted no part of our plan and ended up just going back to her penthouse and pouted. (more on this later)
The day of the wedding was great….or so I thought it was. The day started very early (around 7:30am) for a 5pm wedding, but whatever. We spent all day in her suite getting ready, taking pictures, etc. There was definitely some restlessness in the room as it was a long day but everyone was trying to put on a happy face to make up for the night before. Ceremony and reception went smoothly (side note: there was no way that reception space could fit 150 people, it barely fit 25). But at brunch the next morning, I started hearing talk that my friend was not happy with us bridesmaids and she barely even looked at me when I said goodbye.
Wednesday morning I woke up to a novel she had written to all of the bridal party. Last time I tried to post screenshots as an update it got declined, so I will just give you the gist of the email. She was apparently “devastated that the most important ladies in her life didn’t give a shit about her or her wedding”. We didn’t plan anything special for her, she was all alone on the eve of her wedding, we weren’t attentive enough to her while getting ready (the example she used was that there was one time she said she was hungry, and nobody ran to grab her food – we ordered room service for everyone instead), we didn’t attend all of the pre-wedding events in Miami (definitely directed at me), we didn’t “guard her” from onlookers on the beach when we were doing first looks and taking the wedding party photos, we didn’t offer to host an after party after the reception for her (Is that even a thing?), and some other dumb things. The entire email reeked of entitlement and self-centeredness with some petty complaints mixed in.
She has never been like this pre-wedding, so I don't know where this attitude is coming from. I didn’t respond and don’t plan on it. Just going to fade into the distance of this friendship unless she wants to make a sequel and write an apology novel, thanking her friends for taking multiple days off work, bending to her every whim, and spending thousands of dollars just to be there for her. | Im_your_life | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/mxne0d/bride_becomes_bridezilla_and_ends_up_damaging_her/ | mxne0d | 10,382 | 639 | [
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2021-04-25T06:32:26 | The other party shows up in the comments | IAmA | [deleted] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/my2jjs/the_other_party_shows_up_in_the_comments/ | my2jjs | 9 | 3 | [
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2021-04-26T16:03:14 | OP'S landlord is having loud sex in a communal greenhouse, where both OP and their young daughter can see and hear everything. | LegalAdviceUK | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/kt7svq/landlord_having_sex_in_communal_garden/) is by /u/AardvarkDry101.*
Hello, I am in England.
I live in a building that is split into three flats. The ground floor is lived in by the landlord (who owns the building), with the upstairs split into two flats. One faces the road and the other (mine) overlooks the garden. We all have access to the garden.
A few months ago, the landlord added a glass greenhouse sort of thing to the garden. The roof is entirely transparent and is at an angle facing my window. He originally stated it was to be for all of us to use for drying laundry instead of bringing damp into the house, and set up a dryer and dehumidifier in there. It seemed great.
In the past few weeks, he has however moved a mattress out there and has been lying on it in the nude and having sex there. The roof has an exhaust port thing that points at my window, so if I am airing out my flat with it open a crack, I get a direct delivery of loud porn and sex sounds.
Is there anything I can do??? It is only my flat who can see and hear this, it isn’t visible from the road. I tried bringing it up but he shrugged it off and said “just don’t look”. I have a young child though so this is just awkward...
Edit:
I have decided it is best to write a physical letter to him emphasising my concerns about my daughter accidentally seeing them. I don’t want to sour my relationship with him as he has been an excellent landlord otherwise. I am hoping that a letter will both be seen by his partner so she might stop, and will make it clear that there is more to my worry than just prudishness. I will post an update once something changes, whether it be to report he has promised to stop, or to get some reassurance on contacting police as the next step. Thank you all for your advice.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/kx6vts/update_to_landlord_having_sex_in_communal_garden/)
Last week I posted needing advice regarding a situation with my landlord having sex in a greenhouse entirely visible from my window.
Because I really did not want to cause a serious issue by getting police involved unnecessarily, I decided to first try a proper letter. I printed out a nice letter basically saying that while I wouldn’t care nearly as much if we were all adults, I do have a small child and I am very uncomfortable with her being able to have a birds eye view of the goings-on.
This seems to have done the trick! Apparently the landlord and wife/partner were not aware of just HOW visible it was from my window. They have both apologised profusely and she seemed totally scandalised. I let them know I wasn’t angry but that it was very awkward with a child, and they essentially said that they’d been going stir crazy with lockdown and hadn’t really been thinking clearly about their actions.
The landlord has moved the mattress out of the greenhouse entirely, replacing it with a small table and chairs. I have only spotted them out there having breakfast since.
It is obviously early days, but I feel that this has probably fixed the issue. I am also happy that I have not ruined the relationship with my landlord (they said they had mostly forgotten I had a child at all as she is so quiet despite them living below), so I think this is about as positive an outcome as I could have hoped for.
Thank you to everyone here who offered advice and made me confident that I was in the right to push it further. I feel silly as I should have thought to send a letter myself first, but I thought telling him directly would be as effective.
**Additional context from comments:**
I ran into him when I was picking up a package and he was in the hall. I kind of awkwardly laughed and said “I thought you’d want to know I can see and hear you out there from my window...” and he kind of laughed and said “oh dear, you shouldn’t look then!” while laughing, then we kind of awkwardly stood there and he said “you know you’re welcome to do whatever out there too!” then scurried away. I hoped that would be the end of it, but they were out there again so I was starting to get very upset.
I found the entire subject very embarrassing and awkward to bring up, so I think I was awkwardly laughing when I mentioned it to him. I wasn’t sure whether it was his legal right to be doing that out there as it is his property. I am thinking more now that his response was more embarrassment than truly brushing it off... together with not realising just how clear the view was. From inside the greenhouse, you can see my window but not inside of my flat. Because I am looking down on them though, it is much much more visible.
As for the letter, I popped it into their post box so I’m not sure who got it out and read it, but they both came up to my door that evening with a box of chocolates and apologised. We had a nice chat and they seemed genuinely sorry. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/mz12ek/ops_landlord_is_having_loud_sex_in_a_communal/ | mz12ek | 4,977 | 515 | [
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2021-04-26T16:16:18 | OP is uncomfortable with the behavior of her boyfriend's clingy and territorial female best friend, but is afraid speaking up will make her look jealous and controlling. | Relationships | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/mnltmh/my_24f_boyfriend_26m_has_a_long_time_female/) is by /u/ThrowRAjai0509355.*
This is gonna sound like typical insecure girlfriend but I promise its not like that.
My boyfriend and I have been together for over 6 months and he's really great. He has a friend that he's had for years who is a girl. Normally, I'm not the type to be all like "you're not allowed to hang out with a single girl alone". But I'm considering telling my boyfriend that he's not allowed to hang out with this girl alone. This girl is obviously so into him and she def wants me to know she's coming for him. She keeps saying stuff like "You don't know him like I do yet", "We used to go to that place together all the time long before you guys started dating", "Oh my god josh remember when we went on a hike just the two of us, that was the best day". She also had cute pet names for him but I didn't like that so as soon as I heard it I told my boyfriend I didn't like it and he made her stop.
I asked her straight up if she's into him and her response pissed me off so much. She was like " I know its intimidating how close he and I are but don't worry you're the girlfriend I'm just a friend right?" with a smug smile on her face. I got so mad but I couldn't talk to my boyfriend about it.
I want to tell him to cut her out of his life so bad but I don't know if I can do that. My boyfriend's dad passed away two years ago with a heart condition. He told me that his dad was his bestfriend growing up so it hit him really hard. He was the only family my boyfriend had. Apparently, this girl really helped him get through it. She apparently was there for him throughout the whole thing. That's why he says she's like a sister to him. That's why I don't know what to do. I already asked him to set some boundaries like she can't text late at night or come over to his place unannounced all the time and no interrupting our alone time.
My boyfriend doesn't realize that she's into him and I kinda don't blame him on that one because all of her flirts are subtle enough that he doesn't realize but enough to get me riled up. I know my boyfriend isn't into her at all and he's completely friend zoned her but its still so frustrating. I hate to admit it but she's so good at getting under my skin and I don't know what to do. I really need some advice. Thanks Reddit.
EDIT: Thanks to everyone for the advice. I've decided that I will tell my boyfriend everything she's done so far and see how he handles it. Tbh I was hoping I'd avoid telling my boyfriend about it but she left me no choice. In the meantime, I don't know how I'll bring it up to my boyfriend but I'll figure it out.
TLDR- My boyfriend's long time female friend is clearly into him and she's letting me know in a subtle passive aggressive way. I need advice on how best to handle this.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/mouqno/update_my_24f_boyfriend_26m_has_a_long_time/)
After reading the comments I decided to just bring it up with him without telling him what I want him to do, to avoid sounding controlling.
I sat him down and told him that some of the stuff that she says really makes me uncomfortable. I told him that I feel like she's undermining our relationship. I gave him a few examples of the stuff she said and done that I didn't appreciate. He still doesn't think she's into him. He's convinced that she's acting this way because she probably feels like they're drifting apart as friends because he's in a serious relationship now. Which frustrated me a little tbh because its clear to me that she wants him but being subtle about it.
He said that regardless of her intentions, if her actions are making me uncomfortable. He'll have a talk with her about it. I was really happy he said that, because I was really nervous and anxious to see how he'll react. I was afraid he'll take her side.
He can be a dummy sometimes so I was worried that he'd bring it up with her in the wrong way. Like saying "my girlfriend doesnt want us talking anymore" and stuff like that but he nailed it. He told her in a text "Dude, I noticed some of the stuff you've been saying in front of my girlfriend lately and I've been wanting to talk to you about it. It's mad disrespectful and uncomfortable. We're cool, but just stop that s**t". Naturally, she acted all innocent and confused. She was like "what? you know I'd never do anything that would upset you" "I think you're misunderstanding" and stuff like that. He doubled down on it though.
I could tell he felt somewhat guilty telling her off like that and I don't know if he's convinced that she's trying to undermine our relationship or not, but I'm so glad that he had my back in this. I'm honestly kind of glad this whole thing happened. It gave me a better idea of what kind of man he really is. He even said he'll stop hanging out with her alone if it makes me feel uncomfortable. He was also, lowkey mad at me for waiting this long to tell him I was uncomfortable around her.
Safe to say that the best possible outcome happened. He really put her in her place and ngl it made me feel real good. All I could think of was "I WON!!!" lmao. Thanks to everyone for encouraging me to tell him because even though I knew that's what I should have done I was still scared to do it for some reason. I even thought about potentially just avoiding her for good. Which sounds ridiculous now that I think about it, because I shouldn't have to hide from her. I guess I'm just not good at confrontations.
Thanks for the helpful advice everyone.
TLDR: I told my boyfriend that his friend's actions were making me uncomfortable because she's clearly into him and she's undermining our relationship. He let her know that she has to stop and totally had my back during the whole thing. All and all everything turned out pretty great. Thanks to everyone for the great advice.
---
[**SECOND UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/mupz5t/my_24f_boyfriends_26m_long_time_female_friend_has/)
About 10 days ago I asked my boyfriend to set some boundaries with his long time female friend because some of the stuff she's been saying to me were making me uncomfortable. He told her that he noticed some of the stuff she's been saying in front of me lately and that he thinks its disrespectful towards the relationship which makes it disrespectful towards him. She didn't take it very well.
She kept texting him asking "She's making you do that isn't she?" "this doesn't sound like its coming from you" "she's trying to control you. Are you really ok with that?" "I didn't think you would be one of those pathetic guys who let their girlfriends boss them around". My boyfriend told her that its coming from him and that he just doesn't want anything to jeopardize our relationship and that he thinks she was being a little disrespectful. She got all mad and was like "ok fine, pick some random slut you barely know over me who's been there for you whenever you needed someone" and proceeded to block him. My boyfriend was shook. Mostly because he didn't even say anything that bad to her. He didn't tell her he cant be friends or anything like that. All he said was "I noticed some of the things you've been saying in front of my girlfriend lately. It's really disrespectful and I wish you'd stop". That's literally all he said to her and she went crazy because of it.
After she blocked him, she went on to tell all of his friends that I'm an insecure crazy girlfriend who doesn't want him to have any friends but me. She turned all of his friends against me, even his guy friends. One of his best friends, a guy he's known his entire life told him "dude you're really gonna ditch your friend who's been there for you for some crazy jealous girl you barely know?". That really hurt me because I thought I was becoming friends with them but now they all think I'm the worst. They even stopped coming over for a while. My boyfriend has been telling them that its all a load of BS but they're not believing him. Mostly because he and that girl used to be so close so they all believed her when she said that I changed him. They think I'm somehow fooling him and controlling him or something which is absolutely ridiculous.
A few days after that, she facetimed him at 1 am crying and telling him how sorry she is and that she was just upset because she felt that she was losing her best friend. She kept crying and saying that she didn't mean any of it and that she just was threatened by the thought that he doesn't care about her anymore. She acted all innocent and hurt and said that she'll apologize to me "if that's what I need" but that she doesn't think she's been doing anything wrong. My boyfriend, who likes to think the best of people even when they don't deserve it, bought it. He thinks she's actually sorry even though I can tell she just wants him back. She told him she'll let everyone know she was wrong about me and that she'd never knowingly disrespect our relationship. She even told him she'd love to be best friends with me. (she never even talked to me since then let alone apologize to me like she said she would)
My boyfriend thinks she's gonna be good now and that she's a good person at heart. I already know she's doing all this to make me look like the shitty controlling girlfriend so everyone will back her. Even though I never ever told him what to do... All I did was tell him that I was uncomfortable with some of the stuff she said. I really don't know what to do with this girl. What's the best way for me to handle this situation? I really need advice again.
TLDR: My boyfriend's longtime female friend turned all of his friends against me and she keeps talking crap about me and then acts all innocent about it. I really don't know what I should do now. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/mz1d23/op_is_uncomfortable_with_the_behavior_of_her/ | mz1d23 | 9,920 | 201 | [
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2021-04-26T17:10:43 | Guy Accidentally Tells Girlfriend He Loves Her, Tries To Clear It Up & She Freaks Out | TIFU | [Original Post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/in9dks/tifu_by_telling_my_gf_of_3_months_that_i_love_her/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
TIFU by telling my gf of 3 months that I love her
I was on the phone via Bluetooth (yes those little douchey earpieces) with my mom and at the end of the call I always say “I love you” to my mom.
My gf of 3 months came walking in as I finished my call and apparently thought the “I love you” was for her.
She immediately started crying tears of joy jumping up and down so happy I finally came out with my “true feelings”
I told her I was on Bluetooth and that I wasn’t actually talking to her, but I’m sorry that it seemed like I was!! now she’s locked herself away in the bedroom crying. Dunno what to do lol
She’s a really great girl but I’m a bit scared that the relationship is ruined now from the situation.
[1st Update ](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/inrf0t/tifu_by_telling_my_gf_of_3_months_that_i_love_her/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
**The 1st Update was deleted by mods, recovered on external site**
Okay so the story has taken quite a drastic turn, so hold on to your seatbelts people.
My gf locked herself away in my room last night after I told her that I was on the phone with my mom. I tried explaining through the door that I cared for her and in time I’d sure my love her, it’s just early for me and I would love to keep spending time with her. Silence from the other side of the door.
I went to bed on the couch, hoping we would have a talk the next morning. Well I woke up today with her standing over me just staring. She didn’t say anything, she just stared.
I was a little freaked out, I asked what was a going on. Silence.
At this point I’m like “okay silent treatment...” so I go to the kitchen to make some coffee and pancakes.
Maybe I’ll win her over with food.
She starts muttering to herself while still standing at the couch, starting at me. Staring. Staring. Staring. I’m getting a little weirded out at this point. So I say, “I’m calling your mom.” She screams, loudest I’ve ever heard someone scream and it sounded like the blood curdling scream that people talk about hearing from murder victims.
At this point my heart is fuckin pounding I just about shit my pants and I ran for my room as she chased me. I managed to slam the door shut behind me and she starts pounding on it. Like throwing herself at the door trying to bust it down. The door is made of pretty solid wood so without something like a battering ram there’s no way my tiny 110lb girlfriend could break it down. And guess what? I left my fucking phone in the kitchen in my haste to get the fuck out of dodge.
My only way out is through diplomacy, and this shit is gonna have to be more diplomatic than the fucking United States and Russia during the Cold War.
Anyway, she starts crying, not just any crying either, like crying as if she found out she just lost her entire family in a freak accident. Screaming, “WHY WONT YOU LOVE ME. IVE DONE SO MUCH FOR YOU, WHY DONT YOU LOVE ME.”
So I go to the door and I yell, “LET ME TALK FOR FUCKS SAKE PLEASE YOURE SCARING ME.”
She stops talking, it’s silent, aside from some sniffles I hear behind the door.
Again, I reiterate that I care deeply for her, I just need more time to let my feelings grow, and continue on that train of thought.
She starts screaming again. Pounding the door for what felt like an eternity.
I screamed “IM NOT COMING OUT AND THERES NO WAY YOU CAN GET IN. ILL JUMP OUT THE WINDOW TO ESCAPE IF YOU DONT QUIT.”
She runs out the door. Slams the thing shut. I figured it would be some kind of trick to get me out so I check the cameras in my home (I have cameras facing my door and facing my living room and kitchen, just in case). She’s gone.
I rewind the footage from last night. I’m telling you this shit was psycho. She left my room at 1am walked to the couch where I was asleep, stood there watching over me for 49minutes, went back to the room. 3 am came around, I’m still asleep, she comes out, watches over me and at one point put her face next to mine, almost touching me nose to nose, and sat there for 22 minutes.
5 am rolls around. She goes to the kitchen and grabs a dish rag (no clue why) stands over me for 2 hours (YES TWO FUCKING HOURS) until I wake up and my story starts as described above.
Needless to say, I’m a bit spooked and I don’t think this relationship will be continuing
[Final Update ](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/iog7ch/tifu_by_telling_my_gf_of_3_months_that_i_love_her/)
Okay everyone, it’s been a wild last few days. This has been the most trying time in my life and I’m ready to settle back down to a boring life until I die.
I’d like to start by saying thanks to everyone that gave me advice and awards and shared similar stories of something that happened to them, it’s given me lots of strength and made me realize I’m not alone in this shit.
To the other people that DM’d me trying to get my information, sent threats, and acted like a psycho — you guys need help.
Anyway, before I conclude with the final (hopefully, I pray) update to my situation, I just want to address a few of the most common questions from last thread:
1.Q. How did I check the cameras if my phone was in the kitchen and why didn’t I use my computer to call for help?!
A. I have a computer in my bedroom that is hooked up to my cameras. As for why I didn’t go on zuckerberg’s spy network to send out a distress call — well the first thing on my mind was getting the hell out of there. When my girlfriend was throwing herself at the door, screaming like a banshee the last thing I thought of was using the computer. I only got on to see if she was gone after I heard the front door slam shut.
2. Q. Why did she get so mad when you said you were going to call her mom?
A. She was living with both of us. I generally work 12 hour shifts 3-5 days per week, she will stay with me on my days off but usually spends her days with her mom. I figured I could speak with her mom about why the hell my girlfriend was having a psychotic breakdown.
3 Q. Wow you were scared of a 110lb (50kg) girl? You are a pussy!!
A. Well as an adult male that is about double her weight, I don’t think beating the shit out of my girlfriend is the best move, even if it is self defense. Yeah the cameras would likely clear me of wrongdoing, but why risk that?? If your first instinct is to beat the shit out of someone that’s sad.
4. Q. How old are you guys
A. Definitely old enough to know better than what has been going on. 25+ for both of us.
Q. Why don’t you post the video? Just blur the faces! You’re a big fat liar if you don’t!
A. I’ll get into that more later. But after getting a shit ton of creepy ass reddit DM’s asking for my name, age, location, and basically every other identifying characteristic, why the shit would I even remotely consider letting strangers find me. Some of you are very deranged.
Now, I’ll try to answer any more questions on the thread that get upvoted, so feel free to ask away and upvote questions you may have.
Alright, fasten the seatbelts, hold onto your hats, grab your popcorn for the inevitable freaks of nature in the comments frothing at the mouth to burn the witch (me).
I’ll start where I left off. My girlfriend leaves the house, slams the door, I make sure she’s gone.
I peek my head out, heart still racing, wondering what the fuck just happened. Well I call her mom and say “uhh your daughter just had a psychotic breakdown in my home and I explained what happened.”
She legit calmly says, “yeah that’s happened before a few times.”
I’m just thinking, “wtf? Wouldn’t it be important that I knew my girlfriend could contemplate murdering me in the middle of the night?”
I refrained from asking this right then. I just told her mom, “well she can’t stay here, I’m gonna pack up her stuff and I can either drop it off or you can pick it up.” She tells me she will stop by tomorrow to pick it up. Fine.
My plan of action at this point is to batten down the hatches. I call a locksmith to get my locks changed that day (girlfriend had a key to the place) and I get some bars from a hardware store down the road so the windows couldn’t be opened (I’m renting a 2 story home). I bar the windows, change the locks, and have a couple of friends take my car to their place so it doesn’t get vandalized.
I’m all settled in, bunker mode. I pull out my snacks and pop on some television with some friends over to try and escape reality. All in all, a pretty uneventful night. I thought about calling the police but I’m just relieved that she’s gone and I can finally forget about that shit.
Well this morning rolls around. I get a call from her mom early. Apparently she wants to explain her daughters odd behavior and gives me her history.
Apparently my girlfriend had been abused my her dad when she was younger 8-12. Her dad is now in prison for violent crimes and has no relationship with either her nor her mom.
Her mom remarries a seemingly nice guy, who was then again abusive to my girlfriend before she moved out at 18.
She gave me some details of both abuse, which I do not feel comfortable sharing here, I’ll just say it is some of the worst kind of abuse you can endure. The legal system took care of both offenders.
My girlfriend never shared this with me, not that it was really any of my business. I think it’s terrible what happened and hope she can get the help she needs — I am not trained to deal with that.
Moving on, after my girlfriend left last night, she ended up with an old acquaintance who just happened to be her old meth dealer.
Now I had no fucking clue she had a history of meth use. If you saw my now ex gf she looks nothing like a meth user. She keeps herself very clean and presentable. Apparently her mom knew about this and she had just finished rehab prior to us dating. At this point I’m like “gee thanks for pawning off this burden to me as if I could heal whatever is broken in her.”
So she shows up to her moms house last night drugged up. Her mom takes her to a psychiatric rehab facility to, I hope, recover from her mental condition and drug addiction.
I wish her nothing but the best but I cannot handle that in my life. I would describe myself as a pretty boring guy. I try to stay away from any drama, but apparently I didn’t do a good enough job.
After hearing about the meth use and reading online about the weird shit that people on meth do, I decided to check my cameras for weird activity the week or two preceding these events. What I found was deeply disturbing.
First, about 7 days before this breakdown I left for work (I generally work 12’s 7am-7pm). At around noon my girlfriend enters my home, and creeps around the place like a burglar in the night. Opening drawers and the fridge, looking under the couch, under the dining room table, basically turning the place upside down. Tidies everything back up and leaves.
The next day she comes in again. This time she isn’t alone. She comes in with some homeless looking dude that looks dirty as fuck and she searches the place. Not as thoroughly as before, but thoroughly enough. What pissed me off is this dude comes in and starts going through my pantry and eating my snacks. At this point I’m pretty grossed out that some dude on meth is putting is grimy hands in my chips and popping a hard boiled egg in his mouth. Like bro that’s my breakfast. He didn’t eat them all, just one.
This is when her fascination with the dish rag became apparent. They move to my couch and stare at the TV for 2 hours. Saying nothing, and thankfully not having sex. She wet the dish rag in the sink and stuffed the wet half in her mouth. Both of them just sat there and then after a couple hours they get up and leave.
Third day, nothing.
Fourth day: my last day on shift, girlfriend comes in with guy again, he notices the cameras pointing in the living room. He points his finger at it, and holds it there for 5 or so minutes while he and my GF sit on the couch. She’s going full on zombie mode staring straight ahead and he finally pokes her to get her attention. She knew about the cameras but this is the first time she has a keen interest in them. They both get up and stand right in the cameras view. I get a good look at this guy. He looks like your stereotypical homeless man that does meth. They both look like zombies, similar to how my girlfriend looked when I woke up with her standing over me, although this was much worse. They stared at the camera for an hour before he decided he was hungry for some of my pretzels. And then they left.
This was a very disturbing thing to see today so if anyone has any idea what the hell happened please let me know. I have zero idea of what meth addiction entails along with mental health disorders.
My lease ends in October and I’m getting the hell out of here and never coming back. For now, I’ll be peeking over my shoulder and locking my doors at all times. I’m praying this Is the last update, I have no clue how long my ex will be hospitalized for.
So you’re probably dying to see the video. Well I won’t be posting it. She has serious mental and drug abuse issues. I’m not going to make her a laughing stock of reddit. The story will have to suffice.
I figure I’ll put some phone numbers here for people struggling with mental health and or drug addiction (for US Folks). People in other countries feel free to drop your numbers down in the comments.
SAMHSA’s National Helpline – 1-800-662-HELP (4357)
Tl;dr gf was abused as a kid, addicted to meth, now in psychiatric hospital. I’m hoping she gets better but the relationship is done. | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/mz2lx2/guy_accidentally_tells_girlfriend_he_loves_her/ | mz2lx2 | 13,823 | 241 | [
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2021-04-26T17:49:33 | OP threw away his girlfriend's treasured momento from her deceased best friend and just "doesn't get" why she's making such a big deal over it. | AITA | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mwnkq8/aita_for_throwing_away_my_girlfriends_dead_best/) is by /u/throwaway8888875.*
I know it sounds bad but hear me out. I have been with my girlfriend for a couple years, and we live together. My girlfriend lost her best friend of 10 years her senior year of college. They had gone through a lot together, but the best friend had some untreated mental health issues and she lost the fight against her depression. My girlfriend was the one who found her (they lived together at the time). This caused my girlfriend to spiral. She wound up helping the parents go through her stuff. She now has a box of old journals that were her bestfriend’s (they had a pact that if one dies they wouldn’t let anyone else read them, too embarrassing or something), a t shirt, some art she had done and a bunch of scrapbooks. My girlfriend was in a dark place for a long time. I met her a couple years after the incident, and it’s taken time but she has gotten better. She was and is in counseling (for grief and other stuff). She used to talk about the friend constantly but now it’s down to every once in a while. Now generally when I clean I take stuff and put it in a bag and tell her to go through it before I throw it out. Today I was going through our closet and was making donate/throwaway piles. I asked her to go through it when I was done, but she had a lot of work and said it was probably fine. She generally doesn’t care too much about her clothes and I think she was overwhelmed. Well, I threw out the stuff that was worn and old, ripped etc. Then after I showered my girlfriend came yelling at me demanding to know where the t shirt is. I asked her what t shirt, and she said the one belonging to her dead best friend. I asked if she lost it, and she said no it was in the closet. So then I said it might have gotten thrown out and she just started screaming at me. I said I asked her to go through the piles but she said no, but then she said that it should have never been in the piles given how much she has talked about the friend and that apparently she told me the “story” behind the t shirt. I don’t recall it, I knew there was a story and I knew there was a t shirt but I never paid enough attention to which shirt. Well she has now taken a bag to her brother’s, I just don’t get why she is so upset. She has all of these other things to remember her friend by, a t shirt isn’t that big of a deal.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mz1y63/update_aita_for_throwing_away_my_girlfriends_dead/)
So with my last post I figured I owed you guys an update.
I had apologized at the time but I didn’t think I fucked up that badly. At this point though some of this stuff felt excessive.
I was the one going through our shared closet cause we have been doing an overall deep clean of the apartment, as far as “getting rid of her stuff” I was only throwing out stuff that was clearly ripped. She was aware this was happening.
I did try to get the shirt back. By the time I got out there the trash had been picked up. I called the company but they said it was gone.
After reading some comments I called the bestfriend’s parents (my gf still goes over around the holidays) and briefly explained what happened. They said that over the past year they have been downsizing and they went through her stuff, and half got donated but the other half was sitting in her sister’s attic in a box if I wanted to ask her.
I called the sister. Told her what happened & asked if there was anything she would be willing to let my gf have. She said she has a couple sorority shirts that she would be willing to give her, & apparently the friend had two necklaces, and she would be willing to give my gf one. I said that would be great, I’d talk to my gf and let her know where to send it.
I drove to the brother’s house to talk to my gf. When I got there I hadn’t even gotten out of my car before her youngest brother and cousin came out and just started screaming at me. Her cousin said I had no right to have any opinion about the bestfriend, that she was some amazing person & I had been so disrespectful about her. He then said that if her best friend were still alive she would have talked my gf into dumping me years ago. I felt that was uncalled for. Her brother started telling me to go to hell, that I was always jealous of the bestfriend and that I need to get off his property. I tried to explain I was here to fix it but he wouldn’t even let me see my gf. Apparently she is in rough shape and had to take days off work because she is having some kind of meltdown.
So I left. I got home, and I got a call from the sister. I picked up and I don’t know what my gf told her but she laid into me and said I was some unforgivable asshole stomping all over her sister’s memory. She said she would be more than happy to send my gf the items we talked about, but to her brother or grandmother’s house since I can’t be trusted.
A couple hours later I got a text from her saying it’s over and she is breaking up with me. Her brothers came by an hour later to get her stuff and she is now refusing to take any of my calls. So for those who hoped she would dump me, you got your wish. I couldn’t imagine breaking up with her over this, especially since we were together almost 3 years and she can’t even answer her phone to dump me. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/mz3i46/op_threw_away_his_girlfriends_treasured_momento/ | mz3i46 | 5,452 | 279 | [
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2021-04-26T23:21:23 | OP found out his wife suspects he is cheating. Thinks long and hard about what made her think that, and tries to better himself to improve his relationship. | Relationship_Advice | Original posted in r/relationship_advice by [u/ThrowRa029187](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRa029187/)
[Based on her recent Google searches i believe my wife(f28) thinks I'm(m30) cheating on her how can I reassure her I'm not ?](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/mwpzln/based_on_her_recent_google_searches_i_believe_my/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
we've been together for 8 years and married for 3 we have a 2 year old daughter . our relationship is pretty good and we usually communicate our feelings and concerns pretty well ( or so i thought ) and i love my wife so much she was one of the hottest girls in our high school ( we know each other since we were 15) and she is caring and kind and responsible .
Now let's get to the problem so last night i borrowed my wife's laptop for work . i went on to search something on her laptop and when i saw her recent searches i was shocked every singe on of them were about me cheating on her . " my husband has been chatting on his phone alot lately what does that mean ? " " my husband doesn't give me attention at all is he cheating " " 10 signs that means you're being cheated on " " my husband isn't as romantic as he used to be " " signs that your partner doesn't love u anymore " " my husband has been coming home late recently is he cheating " " my husband with high sex drive won't initiate sex is he cheating "and ect. I'm confused why she thinks I'm cheating on her alot of her questions can be simply answered its because work and life has been stressful i know its no excuse i have to pay attention to my wife its my responsibility but still I'm trying to secure the future of our family .
Should I talk to her about it what should I say ? i need advice please help. how can i reassure her i still love her ( i know this will sound wrong but i love her even more than our daughter ) im not going to cheat on her
[UPDATE:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/mz4bo3/update_based_on_he_recent_google_security_i/)
So the night after i made my post my mother took our daughter to babysit for the night and and i planned a special romantic dinner and night for her ( this all happened yesterday) i first took her to our favorite place in our city the place where we usually met when we were teenagers and when we first started dating then i took her to a romantic restaurant and we got home we watched a couple of movies and i had a couple of personal things planned that we did it was a simple night but we both enjoyed it .
after that today i opened up to her i told her i have noticed she looks lonely and depressed i said how much life has been stressful for both of us I'm aware that i haven't been myself for a while but I'm finally getting everything together . i also told her how much i love and appreciate her i also told her i know how hard it is to take care of everything a child does and being stuck at home with it 24/7 and when i don't support her and give her attention it makes it 100 times harder for her i promised to split our daughter's responsibilities once this stressful phase in my job ends ( and it's going to end very soon ) . she told me ever since she gave birth she has been very insecure about her looks and she knows her looks were always important to me she lost alot of confidence in her self and thought maybe I won't give her attention because of it or I've fell out of love with and her i said i still think she is the prettiest and hottest girl on earth and that there are still guys who are bitter that you didn't go on a date with them ( she really is i wasn't exaggerating ) . she apologized and admitted she believed i was cheating on her for a while and she feels guilty about it ( i was really shocked when she admitted this i was not expecting that ) and this is pretty much it . i held her in my arm and we we basically cuddled the entire day . we promised each other to always talk about our concerns again no matter what .
again i left some stuff out because they are personal but this was pretty much the summary of everything that happened . i wanted to thank y'all for all the great advices whether it was about the little things that i should do or the way to approach this situation i know some said to suddenly change how you do things but i wanted to be honest . i love her more than anything and anyone she was and always will be my main priority no matter what i want her to be happy . i think we are alot closer now that we opened . thanks again everyone . ( English is not my native language so sorry if there are mistakes in my grammar or writing ) | Im_your_life | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/mzaxg4/op_found_out_his_wife_suspects_he_is_cheating/ | mzaxg4 | 4,639 | 574 | [
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2021-04-27T18:22:15 | [META] Maybe add some post tone flairs? | META | I love this subreddit honestly, however after stumbling across one that was just absolutely heartbreaking I wonder if having flairs by type would be a good idea? It would be a bit of a spoiler yes but I wonder if it could help some people's enjoyment. Like Serious, Funny, Happy Ending, Sad or something, idk.
Hope everyone's having a great week | Reckle_ | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/mzv01o/meta_maybe_add_some_post_tone_flairs/ | mzv01o | 346 | 305 | [
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2021-04-27T20:15:26 | OP (F19) makes out with her best friend (M19 that seems to be in love with her) during a vulnerable moment and he gets pissed about it the next day. They seem happy now. | null | [deleted] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/mzxiid/op_f19_makes_out_with_her_best_friend_m19_that/ | mzxiid | 9 | 15 | [
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2021-04-28T05:46:04 | I Found My Father and a Whole New Family | r/23andme | This is a lovely detailed post with photos, which I felt I couldn't really copy without the Original Poster's permission. Here is the original post and the original subreddit: Posted by [u/LlsRdub](https://www.reddit.com/user/LlsRdub/)
[15 hours ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/23andme/comments/mzpqf9/i_found_my_father_and_a_whole_new_family/) in r/23andme
[Family Problems/Discovery](https://www.reddit.com/r/23andme/search?q=flair_name%3A%22Family%20Problems%2FDiscovery%22&restrict_sr=1)
Context - I was born in 1976. Biological mother passed away before I was two. Father remarried when I was four. At eight, my stepmom convinced my Father to get rid of me. Instead of foster care, I was adopted by parents who couldn't have kids of their own. Kept in touch with my biological family, including my older brother. My adoptive dad passed away in 2009.
On July 18, 2020, I was browsing "Slickdeals.net." and saw 23andme on sale for $99 for the ancestry and wellness analysis. I pulled the trigger and bought it because I wanted to see if I was at risk for developing any medical conditions; my biological father had prostate cancer, I heard from my brother, so if that was something I was genetically at risk for, good information to know.
Got the kit on July 20, spit, sent it back. I received my report on August 10. It was mostly what I thought it would be, mostly Northern European with a smattering of African, Portuguese, German, French, British, and Irish. I have a chance of developing type 2 diabetes, but I digress.
What I found very strange was that I showed about 26 percent Native American with ancestors from Mexico. Huh? My understanding was that my grandmother on my biological father's side was half Portuguese, with the other half northern European of some sort. On my mother's side, I was Dutch, German, and other Northern European. No Native American anywhere so that result was a surprise.
That same day I texted my aunt, my biological mother's sister, and told her about the Mexican/Native American in my blood. She messaged me back with this:
"My brother shared something with me a short time ago. I have been hesitant to tell you because I wasn't sure if true. But your Mom grew up with a special friend & her family. He said that when your father & mother were having trouble she turned to her friend's brother, they were Spanish. Her last name is Pimentel but he couldn't remember her brother's name."
What the actual fuck is that about!? I'm not a kid, I'm 44 years old and never for a second my entire life did I think the guy who I thought was my biological father, was not. Now I'm worried. I went back over my results and found the "family tree" tab. On my father's side, there were a number of names "Alvarez." Alvarez? I have never heard that name.
So I dig. I spent all day Tuesday and much of Wednesday reaching out to "Pimentels" and "Alvarez" from the Bay Area. I finally found this obituary:
[https://www.legacy.com/obituaries/bostonglobe/obituary.aspx?n=mary-alvarez-mcdonald&pid=161498953](https://www.legacy.com/obituaries/bostonglobe/obituary.aspx?n=mary-alvarez-mcdonald&pid=161498953)
So this lady covers the bases; she lived in the Bay, (Fremont, where I live right now!) her maiden name was Alvarez, and she had at least two sons named Pimentel. I realized at that moment this was likely my grandmother. I searched all the names in the obit and finally came across one of the sons on Facebook. I didn't want to freak the guy out so I searched through all his photos until I came across a woman who had commented that he was her father. Perfect. I contacted her on FB messenger, and she returned my message right away.
She confirmed that the woman in the obituary was her grandmother. We started chatting and she let me know her father had just passed away; one of my potential dads. She said it was a rough time for the family but she would reach out to some family members, including a potential papa. She also said she would see if anyone had done a 23andme I could connect with. She had me connect with her niece, and bingo, we were first cousins once removed. Crazy. I was in shock for about 3 days and got almost nothing done at work. My wife, daughter, mom, and rest of my family were fascinated and amused.
By Thursday, one of the potential baby daddies had contacted me and we spoke for a long time about my biological mother, who he knew well. He said it was very likely he was my father! He had never had children of his own; he and his wife had raised her son so they decided to not have more kids. He also didn't have any grandchildren. The following week, we met at my place for introductions. I bought a DNA testing kit so we could get results quicker than 23 and me. The results? 99.9999996%.
It's been a wild ride. I'm getting to know my dad and his wife (my stepmom?). They are quirky but nice. What I didn't expect, and really fun, is getting to know all my cousins and the rest of the family. There's been a lot of tears when the family meets me. Some of them just stare at me and tell me how much I look like my dad. I hear crazy stories about the family, as it appears they are fond of drama. My cousin and I talk every day. My daughter is nine, so she loves having new grandparents. Exciting stuff.
Me, My New Mom, My New Pops (I haven't posted the photos but if you go to the original post you'll see them). | haaskaalbaas | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/n0819m/i_found_my_father_and_a_whole_new_family/ | n0819m | 5,418 | 446 | [
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2021-04-28T16:58:48 | The prank, the boyfriend, the couple, and their cat | Relationship_Advice | *This post is a copy of material originally posted by u/Throwra-so-disgusted*
https://old.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/mxsm0f/my_18f_boyfriend_and_his_friends_1819m_played_a/
**My (18f) boyfriend and his friends (18/19m) played a viciously cruel prank on an older couple who has lost their cat. Obviously I’m breaking up with him but what else can I do to make this right?**
I have been with my boyfriend for about a year. We are both honors students who are graduating in about a month. He’s a good guy and we were going to try to make it work even though we are going to different out of state schools. However He has a group of friends and when he’s with them he does very stupid things.
He was out with them last night and he called me and told me he was at Purple Heart park if I wanted to come see them. I live about a block away in Rita so I told my parents and they were fine with me going.
When I got there they were like rolling on the ground they were laughing so hard. I asked them what was so funny and they wouldn’t say. Then one pointed to an older couple who was walking around with a flash light calling the obvious name of a pet. I could not figure out what was so funny about that but as the couple came closer to us they said we needed to leave. When we got in my boyfriends car they absolutely lost it with laughter.
I asked them what happened and maybe 30 minutes prior one of them had spotted a missing cat poster and called the number and lies and told the owner that they had spotted the cat in Purple Heart park. I instantly knew the posters since one was on our mail box and they had been there for maybe 6 weeks. In tucson we know when a cat is gone that long, a coyote had gotten it. I wanted to throw up this was so cruel to do to those poor people to give them hope like that.
I demanded to be taken home that second and he did. I didn’t say a word to any of them and I hate that I even know this happened. I’m going to break up with him but what can or should I do to make this up to the poor couple who was missing the cat? I’m devastated with guilt that I know something about it but don’t know what I should do. I can’t ask my parents because I’m afraid my dad will actually beat the crap out of them and risk losing his job he’s such an animal lover.
—————————
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/n0iczo/update_my_18f_boyfriend_and_his_friends_1819m/
**(Update) my (18f) boyfriend and his friends (18/19m) played a really cruel prank on an older couple who had lost their cat. I broke up with him but even butter news**
So basically breaking up with my boyfriend was an easy decision and I did it over text. He said that like after a year he deserved better than a text breakup. I said after what I saw him do on Saturday night he really didn’t. He tried to say that the prank was not his idea and I really needed to cut him some slack. I said that maybe it wasn’t his idea but I saw him laughing just as hard as his friends and that was enough for me. He’s been a total shit at school but it’s turning on him bad when I explain to people why we broke up and who he was with (a guy who graduate last year who is such a creep.
What was harder is what I should do with the people. I had two choices as I saw it, either not call and let them have false hope the cat was still alive or call and let them know they had been pranked.
Basically after thinking about it all day I decided that If it were my dogs in question id want all the info I could get. I was so nervous calling them but the lady answered and I think I said I had some information about their lost cat. She basically stopped me and said that It was a miracle but thier cat had been turned into Pima country animal control two days prior and they had finally gotten a return on the chip and they called them that very morning and they had just gotten the cat home. I was so relieved because I didn’t have to tell them some awful news about how my boyfriend was a piece of shit. I was also happy for her because she seemed so happy. I told her I was very happy her cat was home and said goodbye.
So that’s like really good news and I’m happy to be rid of my idiot boyfriend. | Jay_Edgar | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/n0jed2/the_prank_the_boyfriend_the_couple_and_their_cat/ | n0jed2 | 4,209 | 771 | [
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2021-04-28T22:50:49 | The Trumpet of the Jerk | LegalAdvice | *This text was originally posted to r/legaladvice by u/skiskyn*
https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/mtviyh/man_playing_the_trumpet_loudly_outside_my/
**Man playing the trumpet loudly outside my apartment in the middle of the night every night. Calling police does little to nothing.**
I’m sorry I’m really not sure if this is the right subreddit for this but I am getting desperate and I do not know what to do. There is a man who has been playing the trumpet loudly in the middle of the night (anywhere from 1 am to 4 am) for about an hour every night of the last week outside of my apartment building. He typically plays Taps loudly on repeat, which is literally a song the military uses to wake people up. I am in a city in Florida, while it’s a very urban area it is typically extremely quiet here at night.
This man has woken me up from my sleep every night. I’ve called the police on him 4 times, and they eventually come anywhere from 30-45 minutes later. Often he continues just playing again after the police leave. He still returns every night. I really don’t know what to do and I am at my wits end in dealing with this. I have not had a decent night sleep in over a week because it is impossible to drown out the sound of his trumpeting. I’m terrified this is going to keep going on indefinitely and my lease is not over for 5 months. Please, if there is anything I can do legally to make this man stop, let me know.
*edit: yes I mean he plays Reveille not Taps. Sorry my military music understanding is not that great clearly.
**edit 2: as some people have suggested I should go talk to him. I’m too afraid to do this as this is a big guy who seems like he genuinely might be a wacko and a trumpet can become a weapon fairly quickly if you want it to be. I’m just a small woman and I really don’t want to risk getting attacked by this guy. If you have any practical legal solutions for dealing with him, I would prefer focusing on that because realistically I cannot mess with him back or talk to him without risking serious danger to myself. Also he clearly knows where I live so I don’t want to piss him off only for him to come back to my area and try to retaliate at some other time.
**The Update:**
https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/n0lsb8/update_man_playing_the_trumpet_loudly_outside_my/
I wanted to post an update about this as many people were interested in my previous post and perhaps this will help someone. Well, this trumpeter has still been coming here basically every night since my original post 9 days ago. Actually it's gotten worse, last night he was here from 2:30 - 5:30 AM blasting his trumpet. I keep calling the police on him every night (I've called about 10 times), and they still do basically nothing. The guy often just keeps playing after they leave; he still returns every night. I'm going crazy about it. I even went to the local police station last week in person to discuss this and was told they could not do anything other than ask the man to leave when it happens. My building management also called police and was told the same thing. I actually started to look into moving out and breaking my lease because of this. I have been sleeping an average of 3 hours a night for the last 2.5 weeks because of this trumpeter. I am so sleep deprived and basically unable to function at this point; it is seriously hurting my life.
Well, I was talking to my dad about this issue today and he decided to contact the police department for me. He lives out of state so its not impacting him directly, but he wanted to just see if he can get any additional information. He called them and initially was told the same thing, that they can't do anything except ask the man to leave when it happens. My dad then stated to the officer on the phone that he is looking into suing the city for their non-existent response to this issue. Well, the officer then started flowing out with the information needed.
The officer told him that this same issue (same trumpeter) was happening in a different area of my city (I'm in Florida), and the way they were able to get rid of him is they had to contact a special division of the police force called the "civil code enforcement office." Only the civil code enforcement office is able to issue the man a fine. The normal police are not able to do so because of stupid bureaucratic red tape bullshit. The normal police will not contact the civil code enforcement office for you either, only you can do that. The code enforcement police will respond at 3 o'clock in the morning - it may take an hour for them to arrive - but if they do arrive they will issue the trumpeter a fine and will continue to issue a worse fine every night he returns. According to the officer, this apparently already happened in a different area of the city and they were able to get rid of him, so I am hopeful I will be able to do the same. I don't know how many nights it will take of him getting fined before he stops returning, but hopefully he will stop returning soon and I'll be able to return to my regular life of not being severely sleep-deprived and not have to move.
I wanted to share this because it can be really like pulling teeth with the police in order to get information. I wish I had consulted a lawyer earlier as I may have been able to find this out before today. If you are ever dealing with an issue like this, look up the specific city/state office that may be relevant and contact as many of them as possible until you get the information you need as the police will most likely not give it to you, especially in a big city. Simply annoying the police and calling every time is not enough if you want a more permanent solution to your problem, which is what I have been doing and was suggested by many people in my last post and has been completely unsuccessful. Anyway, I am very hopeful that I will finally be able to get a good night sleep soon and am relieved I finally have a path forward to deal with this. | Jay_Edgar | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/n0qz4u/the_trumpet_of_the_jerk/ | n0qz4u | 6,017 | 128 | [
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2021-04-29T00:50:10 | This all happened just because a kid wanted to hold a baby. | CONFIRMED FAKE | [deleted] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/n0t5ln/this_all_happened_just_because_a_kid_wanted_to/ | n0t5ln | 9 | 377 | [
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2021-05-01T03:57:11 | OP: "TIFU by jumping into a lake in my bra/panties to save a man that turned out to be an elite military scuba diver in training" | TIFU | *repost from /r/TIFU, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/h7mzd3/tifu_by_jumping_into_a_lake_in_my_brapanties_to/) by /u/CheerfulChaosPancake*
 
 
I’m couch-surfing with my sister and her BF; I work for him at the lake-side bar, trying to pay for college. My state is “open” and while I’m not thrilled, I need both the job and my scored sofa accommodations to make it work. To give them their space, and myself a break from the doomscrolling, I take a run by the lake in the mornings. This lake is bombass and draws scuba divers to the flooded town at the bottom.
Today, I was in my own head running when a dark mass floated to the surface 40 feet away. I was on the craggy side of the lake and this dude looked dead. D.E.A.D. Facing away from me, his head was tipped back, eyes closed, bobbing like a fishing lure. No one else was around, so I thought he was quantum crazy out here scuba diving alone at the crackass of dawn, giving himself the bends or some nonsense.
Like a jackass, I didn’t yell at him to check-in. Instead, I toed off my shoes and stripped to my skivvies to save the imbecile. The movie trailer in my head had me taking three glorious steps and launching into the deep blue water, black widow style. Instead, my tender feet hit the sharp rocks and I contorted under the pain like a slinky as I uncoordinatedly pitched myself into the water, doing a side-flop. I was also wearing my contacts so I swam hard in his direction with my eyes closed.
When I open them, he was dead-ass staring at me like I’d lost my ever-lovin’ mind, so I blurted, “Are you okay?”
He removed the regulator and incredulously said “yes”.
My brain blue-screened while I tread water. The lake felt infinitely deep. Before I could terrify myself by hearing the jaws theme song, I turned to nope the hell out of there, yelling over my shoulder, “I thought you needed saving” to explain my idiocy.
As I pivoted, another dude cleared his throat from 30 feet away on the other side. I never heard a sound from him so I freaked out, failing and belting an ear wounding scream at him.
Both asshats laughed as a few more heads surfaced around us. I was surrounded by divers all wildly entertained by my ridiculous high-octane FU. After pointing to me and the beach, the merman that was my original target cautiously swam toward me after I nodded and “escorted” me to the shore.
The beach was much further than I had anticipated, so I was trying to low-key breath, hiding my need to suck all of the O2 from the air. Also, the comedy of the situation consumed me and I started to giggle. Finally, I joked, “Dude, you are lucky you weren’t actually dying because It would have taken everything I have to drag your sorry ass this far.”
He chuckled before offering me a “tow.”
“Hell, no! Not gonna happen.” Even if I had to dog paddle, I wouldn’t openly accept that defeat.
He quietly mocked me the rest of the way to the shore. I’m a secret sap for it.
They were cadets or recent graduates from a military college, here for the summer. They’ve been training in pools and were doing some “open water” exercises; they had been out there at least part of the night. I’m sure I blew-up whatever drill they were running. He’s training for pre-dive school (?) and since I am an expert googler, I’m guessing that means combat diving.
At the shore, I did my best to throw my shoulders back and march out of the water in my sports bra and undies in front of what I can only imagine are some pretty badass men. I did invite him and his clandestine crew for an absurdly overpriced beer at the bar tonight before shame-jogging back into the woods for my clothes.
TL;DR I tried to save an injured diver-ended up crashing some kind of military training.
 
 
**UPDATES**
 
**EDIT:** It's Lake Jocassee in SC. Also, the mereman cheated: he was wearing a floaty vest and fins, that bastard. Ok, I’ll admit there is a part of me that is attracted to his mysterious appearance from the shadow realm, and I’m definitely imaging that he’s constructed from some kind of aluminum steel alloy, but he was also funny and kind. I was vibing his proclivity for witty and sarcastic comments and have a million questions I want to ask him. Ha
 
**EDIT2:** Okay, at work now and had to turn off the notifications because you snippers are blowing me up. To all the ladies giving advice earlier...yes, I left the dragon-flies at home and went full cute sundress and Jesus sandals. Tried to wear my hair straight, but it's hot as hate out here and it'll be beach wave sweaty before long. My sister's BF has blabbed the whole thing and all of the staff is in full-on ribbing mode. Kinda great actually. They are currently reading the Reddit post so they are cackling at you people too. So, even if he doesn't show, we're gonna have a great night. We have a long way to go since it's just the dinner crowd, but thanks for making my day great people.
 
**EDIT3:** Solid dinner crowd, but no mereman, or frog prince as you people have started to call him. Our lakeside drinking crew will start rolling in another 1-2 hours. I thought you salty bastards of TIFU would chew me up and spit me out, but look at you all showing up in the name of love! You guys are awesome, even if I get ditched it was worth the day with you.
 
**EDIT4:** 1 hor later. Still no show :(
 
**EDIT5:** HE SHOWED! Holy shit, a little bit ago. Yes, I was as dorky as you would have imagined and now I’m typing this from the bathroom like a dumbass again, but I feel like you people are on the ride with me. He’s handsome and funny and he smells great. Yes, I hugged him. I’m southern…its what we do…not the smelling, the hugging. He’s nice, and smart and keeps defending me from my jackass friends at the bar, who have almost called him merman to his face. I think he low-key likes that everyone knew who he was, but not sure how he’ll feel about being a Reddit celebrity. I’ve learned a lot about him, but it wouldn’t be fair to share without his permission. His whole crew did not come, only one and his bud immediately started flirting with my co-worker. That’s a good sign. I think. Holy, shit you’d think I’d never met up with a guy before. Also, my friend straight up asked him if he saw my “dragonfly undies that look like penises with MASSIVE, glow-in-the-dark turquoise blue balls” only she used the Reddit version (thanks for that nickname Reddit). He didn’t answer but smirked the truth to me after she left. It was cheeky but cute. He’s also been sharing some of the shit that he's been taking today from being “saved”. He has the same self-deprecating sense of humor as me. I think we are vibing. So, that’s all the updates for tonight. He’s getting the rest of my attention. Keep sending me those good vibes and peace people.
 
**EDIT6:** Last and final update because you guys are not letting up. I know this may seem weird since I posted this whole situation out into cyberspace for everyone to see, but yesterday it was just a comical story about a guy I didn't think I would ever see again. Something funny to share when we all need a giggle. Today...well...it feels different to talk about him now that we've spent some time together. I like him. There’s chemistry and similar interest and we have plans to see each other again. I don’t need the pressure of Reddit to help me screw things up. You guys know I’m a bit of an expert in that regard. That’s all, so go do something you love and find a way to at least balance the doomscrolling with some belly laughs. Sending much love to each of you.
 
**EDIT7:** “Updates!” You people keep screaming over 3 weeks later. Don’t you have better things to do than pester me about my love life? Ha. The merman, the frog prince, the dashing man from depths, the king of the shadow realm (and the many other nicknames that Reddit has bestowed) is still very much in my life. He’s better than I can describe with my mortal words. Fangirl him if you must because I will understand. Thank you all for the well-wishes and positivity that this post has given. I hope something amazing and magical happens to each of you, and if it happens to be shamefully funny, I hope you will share because we all need as many laughs as we can get. Be safe, everyone. | spacificNA | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/n2aoxu/op_tifu_by_jumping_into_a_lake_in_my_brapanties/ | n2aoxu | 8,391 | 1,043 | [
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2021-05-01T04:58:05 | Nice Lady, Mean Boss, and a Crafting Conundrum (Quilting Quagmire? Folk Art Fuckjob?) It ends nice. | r/quilting | Repost- Original on r/quilting from u/sittingbulloch
Check out originals forexcellent and sassy advice from the badasses on r/quilting
# Ugh. Help convince me that a small quilted gift is good enough for someone who “loooooves quilts” but doesn’t deserve that kind of time or effort.
📷[**💭Discussion 💬**](https://www.reddit.com/r/quilting/search?q=flair_name%3A%22%F0%9F%92%ADDiscussion%20%F0%9F%92%AC%22&restrict_sr=1)
Long story short, I have to give something (some type of gift) to my boss that “expresses a part of me” - this idea was created by a coworker who is a real suck up.
Anyway, my boss saw several of my quilts displayed on a rack in the background when I was working remotely and brings them up every little bit - to the point it almost feels like she is angling to get one.
I WILL NOT be making or gifting my boss a quilt. She doesn’t deserve that kind of personal effort or time from me for a myriad of reasons, the least of which being she is a terrible boss.
However, I have to stay on this woman’s good side for the next couple of months.
Anyway, what I was thinking of doing was piecing some really simple small ribbon stars to make a large enough piece of fabric to then quilt and sew her a “bubble pod” storage basket. I have all the scraps I need in her favorite color combination (she was sure to tell me that), and I can Frankenstein some batting together for it.
Basically, it won’t cost me anything but a couple hours of my time, and I am sure I will enjoy the process of making it.
I just need someone to tell me to suck it up, make it, and remind me of the social capital I will earn doing this - or, someone to help me reframe my thinking in a more positive light.
# UPDATE: Terrible boss who wants a quilt won’t be getting anything.
📷[**💭Discussion 💬**](https://www.reddit.com/r/quilting/search?q=flair_name%3A%22%F0%9F%92%ADDiscussion%20%F0%9F%92%AC%22&restrict_sr=1)
First, please let me express my appreciation to everyone on this sub. You are amazing people and really helped me manage to wrap my head around something I was loathe to do.
I even had the pillow planned and sketched out, but now I don’t even have to give it any more space in my head.
My coworker’s lawyer got involved. The whole “everyone has to give a gift thing” is against board policy. The lawyer took it to the supervisor of the best friend in HR. It’s taken care of now.
As far as the pillow is concerned, when I started playing around with my scraps last night, I found I really did like the way it was looking. It doesn’t match anything in my decor, but it does match my sister’s decor, so now I will be making and sending her the pillow as a surprise “I love you” gift.
I simply can’t thank you all enough for helping me turn a hated project into something I am excited and joyful to make.
You all have such wonderful suggestions, and most of all, you surrounded me with support and understanding, which, it turns out is what I really needed.
Every one of you is an amazing person, and I am truly indebted to you for your kindness and righteousness indignation on my behalf.
Thank you again. | calmarespira | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/n2bl0k/nice_lady_mean_boss_and_a_crafting_conundrum/ | n2bl0k | 3,134 | 204 | [
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2021-05-01T18:17:41 | (Repost) AITA for telling my daughter the truth about why I wasn’t in her life? | AITA | **THIS IS A REPOST**
[**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ln04z1/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_the_truth_about_why/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) **by** [u/barelydad](https://www.reddit.com/user/barelydad/) (Determinated **NTA**)
To start, my ex and I were 19 when she got pregnant. We had recently broke up and she found out a couple weeks later that she was pregnant. She said she planned to get an abortion but only wanted her sister there.
So I was always under the belief that she had aborted. She only contacted me once saying it was done and we didn’t speak again.
Fast forward 19 yrs later, I found out a month ago that was a lie. My ex passed away 3 years ago and my daughter Kara has been living with her uncle.
He was the one to reach out to give me a heads up after she expressed an interest in wanting us to connect. He and I spoke at length because I was feeling some pretty strong emotions like rage for never being told about her.
My ex had backed out of the abortion but didn’t want me involved because we were broken up so decided just not to tell me. But he told me that Kara doesn’t know about that. Apparently I wasn’t ready for fatherhood because we were both young so I bailed.
I couldn’t believe it. Rob (her uncle) told me he knows his sister was wrong for that but promised Kara doesn’t have any negative feelings towards me and my ex never painted me as some villain, just a young guy who knew he couldn’t properly care for her.
He asked me not to tell Kara this when we talk if she asks and because it could hurt the way she saw her mom. I never actually confirmed I would.
Kara messaged me and we’ve been talking. I’ve met her twice and it’s been crazy emotional. Looking at this girl who looks just like me and hurting that we’re just barely getting to know each other
So far our conversations have only been about what her life was like, how my life is, what her wants/future goals are, and getting to know each other.
We met again Tuesday and she finally decided to ask the obvious questions about what made me not be involved. How did I feel, what went through my mind, did I ever think about her,etc.
I had been thinking about what to do but in that moment I just didn’t have it in me to lie so I was honest. That I was told about the abortion, had no idea she even existed until now, but that I still really want to be in her life and have the chance to be her father if she wants that. Kara was a bit emotional, we talked some more, and said she still wants me involved.
That night my messages were blowing up. Not just from rob but her grandparents as well. They’re all outraged for telling Kara about her mom because she yelled at all of them and is refusing to even take their calls.
Yes, the lie was terrible but I just ruined the image she had of her late mother for my own benefit. Rob called me a selfish dick for not taking into consideration how this would affect Kara finding out about this.
So right now I feel like shit. I get “honesty is the best policy” but in this case I don’t know if I was an asshole for doing it. I’m still learning this whole “dad” business so don’t know if I dropped the ball here.
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n2kciq/update_aita_for_telling_my_daughter_the_truth/)
I made this post a couple months back and I wanted to share what’s been going on. This was a really big mess and thank you for all your reassurance. For telling me that Kara deserved to know the truth. There was still some guilt I carried with me for days until she called me again now that she had time to process. Kara thanked me for being honest about what happened and we had a deep conversation about what she’s going through.
She and her mom always had a very strained relationship even until she passed away so there was still a lot of anger and resentment she never got to have closure for. Now learning this new lie her mom told her about me....well it opened a lot of other mixed feelings.
She has been in therapy even before her mother died to deal with their issues so Kara is working this out with someone, which I am happy to know. Many of you were suggesting therapy for her so at least she already had that down.
My daughter’s still mad at her family, she talked to them a couple times before stopping communication. Kara knows she’ll forgive them eventually. But for right now, she says she wants them to live with the consequences so hasn’t had any contact with them. I did express my concern over her shutting them out but she says it’s not forever. She’s still trying to process this betrayal and get to a place where she’ll accept them back into her life. At the moment she’s still living with her friend and wants to keep things that way. So far has declined any financial help I offer.
She just wants to work out her anger and let them sit with this a while. I had to do some blocking still for my own peace of mind. Things are a working progress but I’m happy to report that we’re getting along fine. Kara’s been over so many times and has met my fiancée. We’re learning so much about eachother even if sometimes it’s hard not to get emotional over childhood memories she talks about knowing I couldn’t be there for them. Still in the process of finding a therapist myself because this has been pretty heavy on me too and still have no idea what the hell im doing as a parent. Thanks for your words of encouragement and all the advise from fellow parents! I kept getting asked for an update on this so sorry I took me a while to remember to post something. | RabbitsAmongUs | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/n2nzka/repost_aita_for_telling_my_daughter_the_truth/ | n2nzka | 5,636 | 386 | [
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2021-05-02T02:31:55 | OP is a single dad, since his wife died when their son was a toddler. OP's MIL isn't accepting now that she was told that her grandson is gay, and OP considers cutting her off completely. | Relationship_Advice | This is a repost. Original posted in r/relationship_advice by [u/dadadvice8](https://www.reddit.com/user/dadadvice8/)
[I (42M) want to cut my MIL out of mine and my son’s (17M) life after she expressed her “concerns” about my parenting](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/mta9j6/i_42m_want_to_cut_my_mil_out_of_mine_and_my_sons/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
I (42M) am considering cutting my MIL out of my life after she expressed some concerns about the way I’m raising my son (17M).
I’m a single dad. My wife died when our son was 3 years old and it’s just been the two of us. My late wife’s family has been apart of our lives ever since pretty much, and my MIL and I have had a relatively good relationship until now. She did make some occasional comments about some things I did with my son, but it was nothing too serious—all things I was able to ignore or take lightly.
My son came out as gay about a year ago. I am totally fine with this. He’s allowed to love whomever he chooses. Although, it was a little surprising at first, he’s a smart kid and I trust him to make the right choices. He and his boyfriend seem very happy together, so of course his happiness is all I can ask for as a parent.
We kept his coming out between us for some time (entirely his choice, no one pressured him to do this), my side of the family knew, but he was a little bit weary about telling his mom’s side of the family. They’re a very conservative Christian family, and their views don’t exactly align with ours.
Nonetheless, he chose to offhandedly mention his boyfriend to them—and oh, the lashing I got from my MIL.
I won’t repeat everything she said for the sake of my own anger (and I don’t get angry often!). She just said a lot of nasty stuff (not to him thankfully) about the way he’s being raised (like I should be ashamed of him and not encouraging this behaviour).
She even went as far as suggesting some sort of conversion therapy for him, and that was the last straw for me.
Long story short, I don’t want him to be subjected to the things she says or have her do something without me knowing as he is still young and pretty impressionable. He’s just starting to figure out who he is and I don’t want his grandmother to ruin this for him. This is the happiest I’ve seen him in a while, so I’ve been considering cutting her out of our lives.
Some of my family members think this a bit extreme over one thing, but I don’t believe so. My son and I are very close and I don’t want him thinking that I’m okay with/tolerate this kind of behaviour—ESPECIALLY from his grandmother.
So, I’m a little bit torn on the matter. I don’t want to act impulsively, but I also don’t want my son to think that he isn’t important to me.
[UPDATE:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/n2fhmm/update_i_42m_want_to_cut_my_mil_out_of_mine_and/)
First off, I’d like to thank everyone for their advice. I didn’t get the chance to respond to any of them before the post was removed, but know that I read them all and appreciate it.
So, I (42M) took the advice of some users to talk to my son (17M) about his grandmother (my MIL). I wasn’t exactly sure how to go about it because, naturally, I didn’t necessarily want to bring up anything too hurtful that she’d said, but he is old enough to know what’s going on and be part of the decision.
I started off by mentioning some of the “concerns” my MIL had about him coming out to her and him having a boyfriend, and I made it perfectly clear that whatever we chose to do next was going to be as a team.
He seemed disappointed, but not surprised at his grandmother’s reaction. He admitted that she’d already tried to coerce him into therapy behind my back—although there is NO reason for him to have to “change” to suit her needs (I made it very clear to him that it was never going to be an option so he doesn’t needs to worry)
I tried to keep calm throughout the conversation to make sure he knew that I was listening and that I was hearing everything he was saying. Thankfully she didn’t use colorful language with him, but he did express how he’d be uncomfortable being around his mom’s side of the family (especially his grandmother) without myself or someone from my side of the family with him out of the fear of what they might do or say.
We ended up deciding to go LC/NC temporarily for some time.
We haven’t completely shot down the idea of going NC entirely, but he wanted to give her a chance to adjust to the new change and I was on board with this.
Obviously I set some ground rules with MIL and we had an extensive conversation about her doing things behind my back. I mentioned to her that he will be telling me everything that she says, but her excuse was just that she was doing the right thing by getting him to do this (therapy). She’s been given the chance to preserve a relationship with her late daughter’s son, and it’s her choice if she’s going to let his sexuality get in the way of that—because at the end of the day it’s not a “phase” (as she put it) and he’s finally truly embracing himself.
It’s been some time since them, but my MIL hasn’t shown much sign of change. Her stance on the matter is still the same. She’s a pretty tough one to crack. She still tries to call from time to time, and the texting has gotten frequent. She’s been sending my son loads of info about some of the programs he should look into. He’s been deleting them almost immediately, and I think he’s starting to feel like he can finally breathe again.
After the initial post I could feel that something was weighing down on him, and it was most likely the fact that MIL tried to coerce him into therapy. I’ve been checking in with him from time to time, but we’ve mostly been preoccupied with preparing for university (MIT yay!).
For now, I’d like to say things are well without my MIL, but it’d be even better if she’d stop trying to push her own agenda onto him. I hope she learns that if she wants to preserve a relationship with him, she needs to accept him for who he is.
With that being said, it’d still be unfortunate for my son to not have any sort of relationship with his mom’s side of the family since they’re the last connection he has to her.
So any advice on how to get her to understand that this is not something that she (or someone else) can pray away? Or should we even bother and just go full NC instead? | Im_your_life | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/n2x8oa/op_is_a_single_dad_since_his_wife_died_when_their/ | n2x8oa | 6,454 | 384 | [
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2021-05-02T16:45:19 | Guy Tries To Brand An Arrow Into His Arm... Doesn't Go As Planned | TIFU | NSFW THE LINKS CONTAIN PICTURES OF A HEALING WOUND
*No penis was actually harmed in the process of this story*
[Original Post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/7yismp/tifu_by_accidentally_branding_the_shape_of_a/)
TIFU by accidentally branding the shape of a penis onto my arm
This didn’t happen today but about 3 weeks ago, but the fuck up is just now starting to show itself. The original idea was to brand myself with an arrow, because why not, it’d be badass.
So everything is bought; the branding iron, cleaning supplies, and alcohol. I’m obviously not going to stick a hot piece of metal to my arm sober, so I proceed to get shit faced. So after heating it up in the fire and actually going through with it. Everything’s fine, it looks like and arrow and besides being slightly off center of the lines we drew out it’s looking pretty good.
We clean it, wrap it up, and head inside to call it a night. Now here we are, about 3 weeks later and you can’t even see an arrow from the place we stuck the actual brand, but a dick shaped burn all around where it’s supposed to be. I’m not sure if the arrow is going to reappear once it starts healing some more, but I really doubt it and I’ll probably be stuck with a dick shaped brand on my arm for the rest of my life.
[video of me actually getting branded](https://youtu.be/0HqtgGcsT18)
[picture of brand right after the fact](https://imgur.com/VHGRqLe)
[picture of brand shaped like penis](https://imgur.com/gallery/P4zRC)
Edit: I plan on getting it checked out, hopefully tomorrow guys. Thanks for all the advice to go the the doctors so I don’t lose my arm, even if it’s been a little aggressive lol
Edit 2: I got it checked out at the ER guys, no infection luckily. Just gotta take some antibiotics and keep some cream on it :)
Edit 3: Here’s the update thread, shoulda linked it quite a bit ago update
Edit 4: newest update after it’s mostly scarred over
[1st Update ](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/7yzy6b/tifu_update_by_accidentally_branding_the_shape_of/?st=JED0XAXM&sh=255171e8)
For those who haven’t seen my previous post over the branding, I tried branding myself with the shape of an arrow about 3 weeks ago. It was left on for too long, and the burn is now in the shape of a penis.
I went to the ER like 95% of you guys suggested, and good news is that there was no infection. I was prescribed antibiotics and some cream to keep it that way. The bad being that in order to fix the shape, I would have to get a skin graft. I’m really not looking forward to that so I’m not going to get it done and just deal with the resulting scar once it heals. I’ll link the video of the night I got the brand, and an updated picture below.
[2nd Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/8b8e8w/tifu_by_accidentally_branding_the_shape_of_a/)
[Picture scabbed over](https://external-preview.redd.it/AzrtmDX-ZXUrSCXbViRTV3bV9b6x96ReVR7eA25DWfY.jpg?width=640&crop=smart&auto=webp&s=e83939ac72453e5c387df4b58f27214acc0954f2)
[1 year later](https://imgur.com/gallery/EWaEGAi)
*From the comments*
If I ever get it tattooed over like I plan, I just want something that would distract from it and not completely cover it, that way i still have a remnant of it to show how fucking stupid I was in my teenage years lmao | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/n3aelo/guy_tries_to_brand_an_arrow_into_his_arm_doesnt/ | n3aelo | 3,333 | 334 | [
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2021-05-03T00:09:20 | Entitled mom joins the Dark Side and steals a handmade Baby Yoda plushie. | entitledparents | [deleted] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/n3jg38/entitled_mom_joins_the_dark_side_and_steals_a/ | n3jg38 | 9 | 171 | [
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2021-05-03T19:08:03 | OP decides to stop cooking for step-kids after their sudden rude behaviour | AITA | This is a repost. Original posted in r/AmItheAsshole by [u/No-Hearing6229](https://www.reddit.com/user/No-Hearing6229/)
[AITA for refusing to cook for my stepchildren anymore.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mtw49g/aita_for_refusing_to_cook_for_my_stepchildren/)
**Original:**
They are 16(F) and 15(M). my husband and I have been married for 8 years. They have been living with their mom for a month because we caught the virus. Fortunately they were with their mom and didn't catch it. normally, we split custody. Ever since they have returned home, they have been very critical of my cooking. My husband and I usually split chores. He makes the dinner and I make Breakfast and lunch. This works for us as my works starts later in the morning while his shift ends earlier in the evening.
I try to make them healthy food and spend time with them but they have been nothing but critical. They make faces, make fun of the dishes I cooked and compare them to their mom's cooking in a manner which is really hurtful. They have been talked to and their Father has even punished them. They just don't seem to care. My husband seems to think my cooking is fine, hell. They don't seem to mind my cooking when he heated it up last week.
I stopped cooking for them. They know how to cook. I had taught both of them how to handle themselves around the kitchen last year and they had no problem before this. I am worried that they are lashing out over something hurtful I did. Teenagers are not know for their emotional maturity and I fear this will further alienate them but at the same time, My mental health has improved and I do not dread mornings anymore. I still make them Lunch but I don't have to hear them talk smack about my cooking due to my schedule.
My husband wants me to be the adult here and he promises to deal with them. He thinks that, If I start cooking again it, they will calm down. My bonus children are giving me to cold shoulder and it hurts but I want to teach them that they have to respect the people in their lives even if they dislike them. They talked to their mom about it and she ranted at me and called me names. My husband is making them breakfast now. They don't seem to mind it that change.
I had made my peace with them not considering me family. I don't expect them to make me a mother's day card or call me mom, I never expected that. That would be amazing but I know it is not going to happen. I am okay with that. However, I just want them to treat me with respect. Understand that I am an adult in their lives who cares for them and loves them, They treat me like like servant who also pays for stuff.
[Update:](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n3y6ds/update_aita_for_refusing_to_cook_for_my/)
I made my post I think two weeks ago and a lot has happened. I realized that I was not an asshole for not cooking for them. I continued to not cook for them and they continued to ignore me. It was hurtful but I was getting used to it. I talked to my husband about enforcing rules and talking to their mother to ensure that we can solve this issue but he is reluctant to start drama because he is afraid of going back into the court and having to change the custody agreement.
However, All this took a back seat. My father received a very bad diagnosis. It is pretty bad. It send me into a very bad place and I was just getting by on autopilot for a week.
My step daughter walked in on me crying in my room. I think she was looking for her dad. She sat next to me and apologized. She teared up a little and told me that she is scared that I will forced dad to move them permanently to their mothers. That made me cry harder. I told her that even though we may not get on all the time, I always missed them when they were at their mother's and the house would feel empty without them here. After this conversation, things are better now. I won't say we are doing fine all the time but we are doing much better than before.
The people who guessed that their mother put them to it were correct. After some a bit more talking to my step children what I realized that something we did really hurt them. My step daughter told me that we didn't call them when we were sick with the virus but we did, in fact we were frustrated that they didn't pick up but we chalked it up to their mother's very strict screen time policy where the phones are under her care and not with them and them being busy with classes. we just resorted to texting them. My hypothesis is that their mother knew the pass codes and she was deleting our missed calls when the phone with her and then using our lack of calls to drive a wedge between us. I have not told anyone about this theory but this seems like a good theory.
I have let this thing slide for now as I am more focused on helping my father with his treatment. I really want to thank everyone who commented. I know this is not an happy update but I wanted to let people know what happened. | tequilavixen | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/n44hut/op_decides_to_stop_cooking_for_stepkids_after/ | n44hut | 4,987 | 568 | [
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2021-05-03T22:06:09 | Woman tries to get rid of her husband's cats for the dumbest reason ever. | AITA | [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mh4zvy/aita_for_faking_sleeping_all_night_to_see_if_my/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) by [u/UhOhSleepyThrowaway](https://www.reddit.com/user/UhOhSleepyThrowaway/)
​
**AITA for faking sleeping all night to see if my wife is lying?**
The past couple of months, my wife has been complaining about our cats. She’s been claiming that the cats wake her up constantly and that she’s frustrated every night that she “has to get up and open the door for the cats” or “the cats keep making noises” or “the cats keep jumping on her.” It got to the point where she started saying she wants me to get rid of them. I told her I’ve never seen or heard any of this, but she claims I sleep through it all.
She kept telling me she was getting less and less sleep and kept acting aggressive, blaming lack of sleep from the cats, and that if I didn’t get rid of them, she’d leave me. I legitimately started considering giving the cats to my sister, until I noticed something.
One morning she claimed she had gotten up multiple times throughout the night to help the cats. She listed a bunch of times. I thought it was weird, because I had been up until 4am, and she claimed that she “got up at 1am to open the door for them, and a few times around 3am because they were meowing and jumping on her.” I was in the bedroom the entire time while she slept, and I know none of that happened. Things weren’t adding up, so I decided to run a test.
I waited until she said she was going to bed, then I let the cats out of our bedroom, lowered my phone brightness, and faked going to sleep. I just laid there in bed for the entire night, bored, but I definately did not fall asleep. I made sure to make timestamps every 30 minutes on my phone through Discord just to be sure. I marked down every noise my cats made. One cat had jumped down from something and made a little sound at 3:18am, and one ate food relatively quietly by the bedroom door at 4:57am. Other than that, nothing happened.
Sure enough, my wife slept from 11pm until 9am, and that morning she claimed she had woken up “at least 7 times” to open doors and from cat noises and cats jumping on her. At this point I was pissed because she was clearly lying to me. I was exhausted and fed up with the lies, so I just bluntly called her out on it.
I told her, “That’s funny. I stayed up all night to monitor the cats, and they weren’t even in the room at all last night. I have timestamps and everything. So you’ve been ***lying*** to me and trying to convince me to get rid of my cats? Why?” She just sat there quitly shaking and looking pissed, then got up and left without answering. She came back hours later and ignored me whenever I talked, and when I asked her how **I’m** the bad-guy in this situation, **she finally said that I was treating her like a child by lying about sleeping and staying up all night just to see if she was lying or not** and that making timestamps and everything as if I was an investigator was “going too far” and makes me an obsessive asshole.
I did it because she was threatening to make me get rid of my cats or she’d leave me, and her claims didn’t add up.
So, am I an “obsessive asshole?”
**UPDATE:**
My wife has been Baker Acted. She did not hurt herself, just said something concerning in public.
I got a call from the hospital this morning, asking me to head over for some “family therapy.” Apparently she finally wanted to talk.
I’ll be honest, I’m pretty pissed at the reason why she’s been so hateful towards my cats. It’s absolutely asinine.
It’s nothing that anyone had suggested. *She’s not cheating. She’s not sick physically or mentally. She’s not bored of the relationship and looking for an “out.”*
According to her, ***one of the cats stepped on her laptop and ruined a story she was writing.*** She’s hated both cats ever since. I mean that sucks, but it’s not worth trying to emotionally blackmail me into getting rid of them.
I asked her why she didn’t just tell me the truth and why she’d been lying and refused to talk about it when I’d asked. Her answer was “Because you wouldn’t have gotten rid of them otherwise.” and explained that when she saw I wasn’t willing to abandon them for her, she took offense and made it a “goal” to have me pick her over them.
Sickening. Don’t know why she actually admitted to it all.
The woman with us asked me how I felt about all of it, and I just told the truth. I told her it was a nice run, but I’m ***probably*** going to want a divorce. I was asked why, and I told them. I’ve seen a new hateful, malicious side of her that I want nothing to do with. She was so set on getting rid of the cats over a *fanfiction* being ruined that she manipulated her husband.
My wife started shouting at me that I’ve betrayed her and that I’m “scum” for choosing animals over her. At least cats don’t give ultimatums like she gave.
It sucks that she’s been Baker Acted and all I guess, but it’s for the best right now. She’ll have time to process it all in a safe environment and hopefully come to terms with it. Bad husband, I know.
I’m almost sure I’m going for divorce. I’m very worried about having her in the same house as my cats. I want my cats safe. I don’t want to worry about them being harmed or “disappearing.” Screw that.
I guess I’ll do what almost all of you suggested: “Keep the cats, rehome the wife.” Not how I *wanted* it to end, but life isn’t always nice.
**If I may, I want to clear up some things from the original post:**
***I did not stare at her all night.*** We have a mute TV with subtitles playing every night. I subtly watched TV while paying attention to the cat sounds.
***I’m not allowed to install cat doors, and she won’t let me keep the doors open.*** Apartment rules.
***Why did I instantly assume she was lying?*** I’m unfamiliar with mental health/diseases. I know about some diseases, but ones that make you think your dreams happened? Tumors that make you see/hear/remember nonexistent things? Sorry that I wasn’t aware of those possibilities. So when someone tells me events happened when they literally didn’t, I generally assume they’re lying. Shame on me.
***If you want even more context/questions answered, simply go through my comment history.***
​
[UPDATE:](https://www.reddit.com/user/UhOhSleepyThrowaway/comments/mqtd2x/update_2_aita_for_faking_sleeping_all_night_to/)
It’s over. A divorce is inevitable. She went full psycho. I thought her being Baker Acted would help. I’m sorry if this is all so confusing.
Right after the last update, I left her a message saying that I’ll be here to support her if she wants me to, and that if she wants her items, she’ll have to meet me at the apartment. I figured she’d read it when she got released.
After she was released from the hospital, she texted me “im getting my shit.” I told her that her old key won’t work anymore and that I got off work in an hour and could let her in to grab her things. She replied “i dont think so.”
I rushed home from work to find my bedroom window smashed (I live on the second floor with no balcony). She had broken the window and somehow climbed the outer wall to enter the window. She took her laptop, headphones, and on her way out she had destroyed the cat litter box and the cat tree/bed. I also couldn’t find any of their toys anywhere. ***Thank you to those of you who advised me to have my sister watch my cats for a while. The cats are safe with her, and she doesn’t know where my sister lives.***
I called her and she instantly declined the call and text me “what.” I told her to pay to replace what she damaged/stole, and she tried to be clever by responding with “no amount of money can fix what damage YOU caused. i didnt take anything either. you owe me a new laptop.” ***I never even mentioned her laptop was gone, so it’s obvious she was lying yet again.*** Thankfully we have a Tile account that lets us track items, and we both have Tiles in our cars. I found her car in a Walmart parking lot, and through the window I could see all of the stolen items, along with her laptop and headphones.
I just straight up called the police at this point. Long story short, we’re going to be spending a lot of time in court.
Mental illness or not, I have no sympathy for her anymore. She broke into my apartment, stole shit, lied about it, and tried to get ME to pay for HER shit. That’s ignoring the fact that she destroyed the litter box and cat tree. I’m 100% certain that if the cats were home at the time, she would have hurt, killed, or kidnapped them.
I do know that divorce is guaranteed. I’d also like a restraining order and money back for what she damaged, but that might be too much.
I’m just so done. I feel defeated. I didn’t even want to update. I didn’t want to deal with more messages about how she or my cats deserve death, or “this didn’t happen.” I haven’t had the will to do much of anything. I’ve even called out of work multiple days in a row. I just lay around the house thinking of what I could have done different. Was there a better ending for everyone?
Anyway, I hope this is the last update. I really do. I just want it to stop, please.
Thank those of you who have supported me through nice comments or advice or even sharing your own similar experiences. It’s nice to know I’m not exactly alone. Thank you. | MissBarker93 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/n48r0p/woman_tries_to_get_rid_of_her_husbands_cats_for/ | n48r0p | 9,432 | 179 | [
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2021-05-04T15:46:03 | OP's Mom Wants Him To Give His Room To His Foster Sister (Happy) | AITA | [Original Post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mrfth4/aita_for_not_giving_my_room_to_my_foster_sister/)
AITA For Not Giving My Room To My Foster Sister Even If It'd Make Life Easier For My Mother?
Hey, reddit. I (17m) have lived in the same house since I was 2, when we inherited it from my paternal grandparents, and I’ve always had the same room. Being so young, I never got to ‘choose’ my room when we moved in, but honestly I think I got the best one. It’s right next to the garden, close enough to the bathroom that I don’t wake anyone and there’s enough space for my bed and a desk. However, my mother wants me to move out to give the room to my foster sister “D” (9f).
To be clear, D has a room. My biological sisters “A” (25f) and “B” (22f) have moved out and while A’s room has been turned into a new office space since we’re working from home, D has been given B’s old room. It’s a little smaller than mine, but there’s still more than enough room for her to put all of her belongings and my mother has let her paint it whatever colour she wants. Although, it’s not perfect.
D has recently been complaining that the room is too cold at night and that she struggles to sleep. My mother has offered her additional blankets, but they don’t seem to help. So, my mother has decided that she wants to move D to my side of the house and consequently me into D/ B’s room. I, however, do not want to move. D is only here temporarily, so it will be a lot of hassle to move my things out of my room and back in whenever she leaves again. Also, my mother and her social worker allow D to scribble on the walls in crayon and I don’t want my bedroom covered in poorly-drawn cats and fish.
My mother is unhappy that I am unwilling to move, which I understand as she has to put up with D’s complaining, but I don’t think that I should have to sacrifice my room. B came over for a barbecue and she and my mother lectured me on my ‘selfishness’ and apparently while I was stopping D burning herself on the barbecue while getting food, they were complaining about me and my attitude. I understand that my mother would prefer I agree to swap rooms, but I really don’t think that that’s the solution. D has been complaining about a lot of things lately so I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s just going through a phase or acting out. B has messaged me a few times to tell me to make life easier for our mother and that it’s only temporary so, reddit, AITA?
[Update ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mwdpba/update_aita_for_not_giving_my_room_to_my_foster/)
Hey reddit, thanks for all the comments and suggestions on my post I really appreciate it. We looked into it and, although many suggested it, D would not have been allowed to have a heater in her room at night as it is a hazard and usually she doesn’t have an issue in the room until long after she’s gone to bed so it’d be pointless to heat the room up in the day.
As someone here pointed out, my room has a door to the garden and allowing foster children unsupervised access out of the house is never a good idea and I doubt the social worker would have approved.
I did point out my mother’s hypocrisy, as many suggested, at refusing to give up her own room and she seemed to drop it after that.
So many people had suggestions and I tried to look into all of them. One suggestion was a weighted blanket that someone described to ‘feel like a hug’ so we have bought one of those. It was the equivalent of $27 so not a bad find, but unfortunately that did not seem to help any more than the other blankets. We also gave her my old hot water bottle, it’s got one of those fluffy cases that looks like a penguin, but that didn’t work either and she still didn't want to sleep in her bed at night.
However, someone suggested a blanket that looks like a mermaid’s tail so we bought one and she absolutely loves it. She’s had the blanket for two nights now and there’s been no complaints, so we’re hoping that that has been sorted.
Also, in regards to my relationship with D, some people commented that I harboured resentment and I want to make it clear I do not. I know it’s not her fault my mother makes weird decisions on her behalf and I don’t blame her for being fostered. I took a commentor’s advice and made a pillow fort with her and we hung up fairy lights to try to make the room feel more like her own and I bought her some stickers that she’s now covering her headboard with so she seems to be doing alright. I'll admit that we're not as close as my biological sisters and I and that perhaps I could make more of an effort, but I have a lot going on right now and she doesn't seem to mind.
Cheers again reddit!
ETA: I'm a 17 yr old guy btw everyone seems to think I'm a girl haha.
ETA 2: Thank you all so much for the comments and awards :) | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/n4rjko/ops_mom_wants_him_to_give_his_room_to_his_foster/ | n4rjko | 4,853 | 381 | [
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2021-05-05T00:46:30 | "AITA for not helping my ex after he left our business, his parents past away and he can't afford to feed his son?" | AITA | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ltn3f5/aita_for_not_helping_my_ex_after_he_left_our/) by Ready-Cod6719*
I (F29) met my ex B (M29) college and started a business right after our senior year. Our relationship often got toxic, but I think being business partners kept us together.
Eventually, our business started having financial troubles. B comes from wealth, so I asked him to get a loan from his parents which he agreed to.
Two months later, B suddenly asked for all the money back. We were always planning to pay it but we had mutually decided on manageable instalments, and I was not in a position to return all of it at the same time. B said his father was very sick and since he was in retirement, his health insurance situation was tricky. This seemed particularly odd to me because 1) B did not give me any details on the sickness 2) He didn’t let me call his mother because she was ‘grieving’ and couldn’t talk about finances 3) Mom had more than enough money to pay for his treatment. Every time I tried to investigate he asked me to trust him and that’s what I did.
Getting the money back was an ordeal- we had already invested all of it in the business, and I had to take some out and even give away all my personal savings. About three weeks after this, B called me to tell me that we are done. He also wanted out from the business, and the only other time I saw him was with lawyers when we were dividing our business assets and he was withdrawing his name from all the official documents.
I was devastated. In addition to all the emotional trauma, I had virtually no finances to fall back on and moved back in with my mother for a bit. I never heard from B, and after talking to some of our mutual friends (who were on my side) I found out that B’s father was not actually sick. I wasn’t surprised.
5 years later, I never gave up on my business, and slowly it grew and helped me pay of all my debts and live a comfortable life. I heard from some friends that both of B’s parents passed away, but I didn’t pay it much heed.
In the midst of lockdown, I got an email from B. I knew this was not going to be good, but I responded, guided by my curiosity to know what he did with all that money. His parents had cut him out of their will, and he had a child with a woman who abandoned them. He also got laid off because of covid, and he told me he was struggling to feed his son.
He told me that since he was instrumental to the businesses foundation, he deserved a cut from it now that it was successful. When I asked him about the money he said his parents were pressuring him(which I did not believe, they were always on board with his frivolous purchases and knew me well enough to tell me if they wanted it back). I consulted my lawyer, who said B had no legal claims to the business, but when I told my best friend about it, she said that she was appalled by the fact that I didn’t give it a second thought, especially because he was responsible for the business idea and his initial investment was twice as much as mine.
She thinks I’m an AH, so I’m here to find out.
& nbsp;
####[** UPDATE **](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n4s4yf/update_aita_for_not_helping_my_ex_after_he_left/)###
It’s been some time since I posted this, but I wanted to thank all of you for steering me in a clear direction. The volume of responses was overwhelming and I’m sorry for not getting back to all of you!
Now for the update- my ex does really have the son, and I was able to verify this. I also found out that he wasn’t cut out of his parents will: the money simply just wasn’t as much as he was expecting. Even though he did lose his job, he had a lot of fallback money. I also forgot an important detail in my first post- I recently did an interview in a local newspaper about my business and my ex may have read that and found out that my business was doing well. Since he didn’t need that money, my only explanation for why he reached out to me is that he felt entitled to my success and the money I made.
Now, about my friend. She admitted that he reached out to her before he emailed me, but later after some coaxing she told me that they had been speaking ‘casually’ for some years. I’m not the most confrontational person so I cut her out of my life, and yesterday I found out through Facebook that they’re engaged.
Well, one last thank you, I am admittedly a gullible person and you all helped me not get played. | Willuknight | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/n532wc/aita_for_not_helping_my_ex_after_he_left_our/ | n532wc | 4,499 | 610 | [
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2021-05-06T01:30:19 | Mother’s Day Miracle | r/23andme | # Ooh, have I got a lovely post for you guys today! I'm so pleased this has popped up on my 23andme account. It's a long one, but bear with me. Original Post: [23andme.com/p/151c68c44ab8819a/article/mothers-day-miracle-8c276eaaf631/](https://23andme.com/p/151c68c44ab8819a/article/mothers-day-miracle-8c276eaaf631/)
May 5, 2021
For almost five years Megan McCarthy didn’t celebrate Mother’s Day. She couldn’t, it was too painful.
It reminded her of losing her mom, who passed away 13 years ago. It was all too much. But this year, and for each of the last three years, Megan is all in.
“It’s a full celebration again,” Megan said.
She describes her story of losing one mother only to find another with the help of 23andMe as miraculous.
“There are no words for the abundance of gratitude I feel for this marvel,” Megan said recently after sharing the story with us. “What child gets to feel the extraordinary love of two mothers in one lifetime? A miracle.”
Guilt
It was never a secret. Megan always knew she was adopted. It was something her parents shared with her early in life.
They also never let her forget how loved she was and created a family — with Megan and her brother, Mike — bonded by that love. For her, it was like she’d “won the adoption lottery.”
Her mother stayed home to raise her and her brother. Her dad was an honest, hard-working role model. They offered lessons in faith, family, and love. Her parents knew she might one day be curious to learn more about her birth mother, and let her know that was OK, but that didn’t erase the guilt Megan felt about wondering about her birth mother.
Raised in the Midwest, Megan and her family would sometimes visit Chicago, and she remembers seeing women among the crowds of people on the streets and wondering. “Is that my mom?” In her head, the questions bubbled up: Who was she? What was she like? Would she embrace me if we met?
“Deep down I wanted to know her, to see her face, to have her arms around me, but something always stopped me,” Megan said.
With those feelings came the guilt. After all, Megan had two parents who loved her unconditionally. Wasn’t that enough?
And there was something else. Megan worried that maybe her birth mom had closed that chapter of her life. If Megan searched and found her, maybe that would just reopen the pain of having to give up a child.
“How could I do that to her when she made the decision to give me a better life than she could have provided?” Megan said. “The ultimate act of love: letting go. I made my peace with this decision but that never stopped the yearning to potentially love the woman who gave birth to me and to have her love me back.”
The one thing Megan knew was that her birth mom had been 18, and she didn’t want to reopen what might have been a traumatic moment in her birth mom’s life.
###### An Instant Sister
So, Megan didn’t search. Instead, she buried her yearnings and moved on with her life.
She started her own family. Megan and her husband had a daughter.
Even a few years ago, when on the cusp of turning 50 she decided to use 23andMe, it wasn’t to connect with family. Megan was focused on her health. Being an adoptee she didn’t know her family health history. She wondered if there might be something in her genome she should know about.
It was only after she got her reports, and didn’t see anything surprising in her health results that she got curious. First, she figured out that she was less Irish and more French than she thought. And then there was this curious thing called DNA Relatives, which, like the name implies, could connect her with people with whom she shared DNA, essentially blood relatives. She opted in, but even then the significance of that didn’t quite register. The next day she had a new “DNA Relative Match.”
She figured it was just some very, very distant cousin. “Whatever,” she thought.
But she logged in anyway.
“At the top of the matches was a half-sister,” she said.
She was stunned.
“Wow, an instant sister,” she thought as the blood drained from her face.
###### Is She Alive?
There are moments when she tells her story that Megan has to stop herself, and her smiling and positive demeanor cracks a bit, and the tears flow.
“It still makes me cry,” she said recalling the moments that altered her life so dramatically a few years ago.
She eventually put it down in writing.
“It’s amazing what raw emotion can do for someone’s creativity,” Megan said.
That moment when she learned that she had a half-sister, Megan felt shocked, and in a heat haze of emotion, she quickly composed a message, asking the question she’d wondered about her whole life.
“I think I’m your sister,” she said by way of introduction. “If this is too much for you, I understand. But can you tell me if our mom is still alive?”
###### Wrapped Up in Their Arms
Megan expected the answer was “No.”
She braced herself for that answer and then began to question herself. Did she say the wrong thing? Was it too soon to ask? She didn’t have to wonder too long because her half-sister, Sarah, came back with a loving response.
“She’s alive and well and living in Prescott AZ!” her sister wrote.
Not only does Megan have a half-sister, but a half-brother as well. And they both knew that they had another sister out there somewhere. Their mom had told them about Megan, and they’d all hoped one day they’d find each other. Again stunned, Megan quickly sent her sister her contact information and asked that she pass it on to their mom.
“After tapping send, I dropped my phone and fell to the ground … It was as if my bones and muscles couldn’t hold me up,” she said,
Home alone, she collapsed on the floor. Through her tears she picked up her phone and texted her husband and daughter, who were out hiking. She needed them.
Her daughter responded.
“We’re on our way now.”
When they arrived, her husband and daughter wrapped her up in their arms and the three of them cried together.
###### A Familiar Voice
The emotion of that day drained her to the point of exhaustion. And that night Megan fell into a deep sleep.
But in the morning, all that emotion came roaring back with the realization that her mom was still alive, and mixed in with that were a confusing set of emotions of both joy and fear, excitement and anxiety. Mixed in with all of it was confusion over what it might mean. There was nothing for her to do but wait, so Megan did what she did most days. Dropped her daughter off at school, and then went to the gym. It was there that the call came in from Prescott. She moved to a place where she had some privacy and answered her phone.
“I hear her voice and I swear it’s familiar,” Megan said. “It’s a calm, sweet, loving salve to my heart. We speak for close to an hour and a half. It’s effortless. An instant connection between mother and child.”
###### Anxious
Megan had questions, so many questions, but her mom had just one at first. She wanted to know about the baby girl she gave up and asked:
“Did you have a good life?”
She told her about her parents and how wonderful they both were, and her brother, and her husband and daughter. Yes, she had a good life. And then her mom asked her whether or not Megan suffered from anxiety. That question resonated immediately. It was something that Megan struggled with and she didn’t like to share. Her parents were just so solid and giving that she felt that confiding in them about her anxiety was somehow selfish. But when she told her birth mother that yes she did struggle with anxiety. She got a healing response.
“We all do too,” her mom told her.
“It released in me 48 years of feeling it was all my fault,” Megan said.
It was just something that ran in the family. The call was healing for Megan, and she felt it was healing for her birth mom to learn that she’d made the right decision and that her daughter was loved so strongly by her family. She felt this circle of gratitude inside her for her parents, her birth mom, and the chance to find each other after all these years.
###### An Embrace
It was hard to hang up the phone after that first call, and each day after that the two texted or phoned. They made plans for her mom to visit, and then counted down the days.
“On the day of her arrival, my nerves are on edge,” Megan said.
Waiting at home for her to arrive, she had to do something to calm herself.
“I distract myself with a run,” she said. “I make a sign to welcome her. I obsessively crunched on hard candy.”
Then waiting with her husband and daughter on the front stoop, Megan sees a black town car come around the corner. It’s a moment she’s imagined all her life, and goosebumps cover her body.
“I can hardly breathe and my heart is pounding so hard I can feel it in my toes,” she said.
As the driver flings open the door, the two run toward each other, and they embrace in the driveway, with full throttle sobs. It was a long, long time before they let go.
“What did we do to get so lucky?” Megan said.
## Megan and her Birth Mom Embrace
###### Mother’s Day
After her mom died 13 years ago, Megan simply couldn’t handle Mother’s Day. Her mom had been so amazing and loving and she missed her deeply. It was easier to simply let that day pass and not think about it. It took almost five years to get over that.
She still misses her but over the years the pain of that loss lessened, and she had a daughter of her own. And then this miracle happened.
Since her birth mom’s visit, during which they spent a week together talking, cooking, and hiking, the two have slid seamlessly into each other’s lives. They continue to text and call and have seen each other three times. Megan has met her half-sister, whom she loves. Mother’s Day has taken on a new relevance for Megan.
“We always talk on Mother’s Day! After my amazing (adopted) mom died, I didn’t celebrate Mother’s Day for almost 5 years,” Megan said. “It was too painful. But now, since finding my birth Mom, it’s a full celebration again. “
If not for the pandemic, the family would be together this Mother’s Day too. But it will only be a matter of time before they’re able to visit together again, Megan said.
Among the many blessings from this whole experience, were the words Megan heard from her father, who best summed up her story.
“The two of you no longer walk with holes in your hearts,” he told her. “They are now fully healed and filled with love.”
The post [**Mother’s Day Miracle**](https://blog.23andme.com/23andme-customer-stories/mothers-day-miracle/) appeared first on [**23andMe Blog**](https://blog.23andme.com/). | haaskaalbaas | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/n5w0c4/mothers_day_miracle/ | n5w0c4 | 10,611 | 135 | [
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2021-05-06T10:25:59 | AITA for telling my wife to stop babying our daughter + Potential happy update for the daughter | AITA | [ORIGINAL](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n4gi2o/aita_for_telling_my_wife_to_stop_babying_our/): AITA for telling my wife to stop babying our daughter by [aitaspoileddaughter](https://www.reddit.com/user/aitaspoileddaughter/)
from [r/AmITheAsshole](http://www.reddit.com/r/amitheasshole)
My wife and I have a daughter, Ava (13). My wife is a great mom and takes good care of Ava but lately I feel like she's spoiling Ava and not letting her be as independent as she should be.
Some examples of this are: Ava struggles in school so my wife emails all of Ava's teachers to ask for modified assignments (she has an IEP, which I feel is unneeded but that's a different story) and sits down with her every day after school to do homework with her or do projects or study for tests. I don't think Ava's done a single assignment alone this year.
Then today Ava assumed the weather would be like yesterday (50 degrees and windy) so she dressed for that weather without checking the weather app on her phone or tablet. Today was 80 degrees and sunny so my wife ended up sending cold water bottles to Ava's classes and made her spend recess and lunch inside (my wife is a teacher at that school so that's how she was able to do that) so she "wouldn't get heat stroke". It was only 80 degrees and the lunch tables are all in the shade so Ava would've been fine outside.
Even an hour ago Ava came to us and said that her head hurt and she was nauseous so my wife is in Ava's room rubbing her back to "comfort her". Over a damn headache.
In my opinion, Ava needs to learn how to function on her own so I told my wife to stop babying Ava and to let her take care of herself. She can study for a test by herself or take a tylenol and go to bed without mommy being there to hold her hand and rub her back and to stop trying to get Ava out of situations like today. She can deal with being a little hot for a couple hours and learn to check the weather app in the mornings.
Well, now my wife is refusing to talk to me and is planning on sleeping in the guest room tonight so I wanted to see if I was the asshole.
[In his comments, OP says that his daughter has ADHD, anxiety, 2 autoimmune disorders, and low blood pressure.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n4gi2o/comment/gwvib2n)
[He doesn't believe his daughter needs any kind of medication or therapy for her health problems.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n4gi2o/comment/gwxboyi)
[His daughter fainted at school a few weeks ago, which is why his wife is extra cautious with their child. He doesn't think it's a big deal. ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n4gi2o/comment/gwvi6gv)
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/n5x3je/wife_left_with_our_daughter_and_is_threatening/): Wife left with out daughter and is threatening divorce
From [r/relationship_advice](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/)
My wife and I have been arguing about our daughter a lot lately. I believe she babies our daughter and she feels that she gets to make all the parenting decisions because she does the majority of the childcare.
My wife came to me today and said that she wants our daughter to start therapy and go on medication for her adhd and anxiety. We talked about this multiple times over the past few years but I’ve made it clear that I don’t want her in therapy or on medication for those things because she doesn’t need it and it’s not worth all the extra costs.
She was extra persistent today and we ended up getting in another argument (we got into an argument 2 days ago over her babying our daughter and being a helicopter mom) and she told our daughter to wait in the car, packed their bags, and left.
Her mom and sisters are refusing to tell me where they are and she sent me an email threatening to divorce me. | red_earaches | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/n645fk/aita_for_telling_my_wife_to_stop_babying_our/ | n645fk | 3,867 | 330 | [
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2021-05-06T15:19:57 | AITA for being upset with my husband for using my bonus on him? + UPDATE | AITA | [ORIGINAL:](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/m47ual/aita_for_being_upset_with_my_husband_for_using_my/) by [throwRAtiredafwife](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwRAtiredafwife/submitted/)
I am not sure how to do this or if this is the right community. I would like some objective third party I put for my current situation as I am at a loss.
Sorry if the layout of this off I am on mobile
History: My husband 28m and I 27f have been married about 4 years now. We dated in college and got married after. He finished college with a finance degree and thought he would go into accounting. Well he quickly found out that was not his passion. So he bounced around jobs and ideas (business, teacher, lawyer) but nothing really kept him saying this is what I want to do. This was pre COVID. Since COVID he has not attempted anything he says after the pandemic there will be a boom in jobs and he can find something that he’s passionate about. I have been working full time and thankfully my job became remote and pays the bills while keeping food on the table.
Incident in Question: After the fiscal year closed my work had done really well. We selling medical testing equipment so it was a big product of 2020. I was given a promotion I got a little pay raise and a small bonus. I was really excited because I could finally repair my purse and replace my shoes. (My friends puppy destroyed but I acknowledge I should not have left my purse on a low stool in front of the puppies bed. So my fault) I was so excited to tel my husband but he seemed more excited than me over this promotion. He started going off how he could redo his game area and get the new systems since he was tired of his others and I was dumbfounded. I got really quiet because I almost could not believe what he was saying. He eventually goes out and gets himself a new system, chair, and mouse. He had basically spent my bonus. I was so upset and ultimately hurt and numb. We ended up getting into an argument and he called me selfish for not being happy that he got to achieve his dream and i am spoiled for being upset I couldn’t spend this money on me first. I basically called him an ungrateful asshole and asked why does he deserve new stuff when I have been providing. He got really quiet on that one and stormed out saying he would be staying with his family (only about and hour away) I have been getting angry calls and texts due to the fact “he didn’t feel supported in his own home” and “if I am making the money I can get whatever I want when I want and I shouldn’t throw it in his face he doesn’t have an income” which is not true I’m trying to keep a roof over our head and food on the table. All his friends and family think I way over reacted to something that makes my husband happy. And that the next time we get a large sum of money my husband said he would let me repair my purse. I haven’t responded and don’t think I will for a few days. But I have gotten so many you’re such a bxxxch and the ah I starting to wonder if I really am.
Summary: Husband is bored with his game system stuff so he used my bonus and raise to buy him a new one without my permission and when I got upset I was labeled selfish and unsupportive. AITA
EDIT/Update: Wow thank you everyone! I was not expecting this kid of support. I appreciate all the kind messages and compassion. This is more than I have ever felt in my life so thank you Reddit! I took the weekend to reflect on what I want and read through the comments and messages. I see your point and that I can’t keep treating this like a marriage if he doesn’t. So here’s to today and my first step towards freedom. I am separating the finances immediately and contacting a local lawyer to see my options and rights. As well as therapy options for him. I will present this to him and he gets to choose. But I refuse to baby an almost 30 year old. If he wants that well he has his mother. Thank you everyone! I will try and update in the future!
[UPDATE:](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n67i84/update_aita_for_being_upset_that_my_husband_used/)
Hello reddit. It has been a couple months since my last post and so much has happened. original post
I first want to thank EVERYONE who reached out and snapped me out of this daze with my SOON TO BE EX! He was extremely toxic and just made me feel not even worth anything. Thus probably why it was so hard to see he wasn't it. So I want to thank everyone who offered words of encouragement and even the tough love. I needed to hear it.
After he went back to his parents he was waiting for my apology (which I never did) and when he noticed I drained our joint bank he escalated saying I was his and how I could never actually leave him and that he "owned" me, all of my success was his and without him I would a loser drop out. His family was even worse because I had already blocked them so they started making fake accounts and using apps to hide their number to harass me. Saying I ruined their sons life and how he sacrificed everything to get me where I am to throw him to the side like this was disgusting and I deserve to rot.
I provided all this to my lawyer who recommended I take a restraining order (in case he wanted to escalate further) and to not engage EVER but just keep the records. This has caused my anxiety to go through the roof and I am working on this with my therapist. I have separated the finances completely and changed my banks, even told them my stbx is NEVER allowed to access these accounts because he would take it all and run. I have changed my number and gone completely social media less(besides this). Part of me is broken that our marriage came to end over a computer. I keep thinking I am stupid and how I couldn't see the warning signs. I must look like a fool to everyone. All in all I'm slowly picking up the pieces of my life and figuring out how to move forward. Thank you to anyone still reading this and thank you everyone who helped me get here.
Summary: I am officially filing for divorce after I never apologized to him which only made my soon to be ex-husband and his family started harassing me to the nth degree. I was having a panic attack everytime the phone rang so I had to change my number and delete any social media. I am gaining my freedom from my toxic partner and his family. | red_earaches | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/n69pg5/aita_for_being_upset_with_my_husband_for_using_my/ | n69pg5 | 6,348 | 521 | [
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2021-05-06T18:15:33 | (Repost) WIBTA if I told my co-worker I'm keeping the snail I "fostered" for her daughter? | AITA | **THIS IS A REPOST.**
[**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n3wkt0/wibta_if_i_told_my_coworker_im_keeping_the_snail/) by [u/anonymoose\_octopus](https://www.reddit.com/user/anonymoose_octopus/)
I know, this is probably a stupid thing to care about, but I can't help it; I got attached to the guy.
It started back in January 2021. My co-worker came to me because she knew I had experience with exotic pets (fish, various reptiles). Her 18 year old daughter "ran away" and moved several states away suddenly and left her snail behind. She asked me if I could take care of the thing because she was too busy to remember maintenance. I said sure.
Before she brought him to me, I had a conversation with my co-worker:
ME: "Just so I'm clear, am I just fostering this snail for your daughter to get back soon, or am I adopting him? Because I will find a way to get attached to the snail and I want to know where to keep my expectations, haha."HER: "It's whatever you want it to be. If you'd rather keep him, just keep him. If you want to unload him back when she's back in town, I'll tell her she has to take him back. You can have him."ME: "Okay, I'll adopt him then. I've always wanted a pet snail. :)"
I get the snail, and it's in poor condition. Hibernating due to poor enclosure conditions, moldy food in his dish, dirt from outside (this is a HUGE no-no, especially because I don't think it was sterilized first), and lots of hard objects for him to fall on and possibly break his shell. I had an old 10 gallon aquarium so I bought the appropriate decor and substrate (about $50 worth of decor), got his temp and humidity up, and he woke up and has been happy ever since.
That was all in the beginning of January (like the 5th or something). Last week, my co-worker told me her daughter is coming back in town in June, and she wants her snail back. She saw the enclosure I made for him and wants to know what I used so she can do the same for him. I was shocked that she brought it up at all and (this is where I may be TA) said "I'll just give her the whole enclosure if she wants him back." It was so surprising to me and in the moment I thought maybe the right thing to do was give him back. I didn't know what else to say.
Now I've been thinking about it and I don't feel like it's fair to give him back. I was told it was my decision, I could adopt him if I wanted, and now her daughter wants him back now that she's seen he's doing better... Idk I just feel weird about it. Maybe my co-worker didn't consult with her daughter when she said I could have him, but I don't know what to do about it.
WIBTA if I tell my co-worker I'm not giving him back? How do you go about even having a conversation like that, after I knee-jerk reacted and said I'd give him back? I don't want to cause hostility with my co-worker.
EDIT: So many people were asking, so here is a post I made about the snail when I first adopted him, with pictures of my snail: [https://www.reddit.com/r/snails/comments/kyrmxv/ive\_been\_posting\_here\_a\_lot\_this\_week\_sorry/](https://www.reddit.com/r/snails/comments/kyrmxv/ive_been_posting_here_a_lot_this_week_sorry/)
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n65akb/update_wibta_if_i_told_my_coworker_im_keeping_the/)
I wanted to update my first post since so many people seemed to be concerned about the snail in question. After reading and replying to as many replies as I could telling me to be honest with my co-worker and to not return the snail, I decided to take that advice and did just that.
Yesterday I spoke with her, and explained that the snail was in poor condition when he arrived in my care, and how much time, energy, and money I spent to make sure he was taken care of. I also reminded her of our first conversation, where I explicitly asked if this was a temporary adoption or a permanent re-homing, because I would get attached to the snail if given the chance, and she told me it was my choice and ensured me her daughter didn't care.
She was SUPER understanding, said she was actually surprised with my knee-jerk response that I would return the snail without any hesitation, and said she doesn't think her daughter is attached to my snail particularly, just that she wants a pet snail to take care of. So I told her I'd rustle up a spare tank and decor and make her daughter an awesome enclosure for the next snail, along with a care sheet and websites to research in case she has any questions. My co-worker was pleased with this and seemed to think her daughter would be, too.
Anyway, I know this is probably a dumb problem for most people, but it ended up being a happy ending and I get to keep taking care of my little guy forever, as well as make sure any future snails in my co-worker's daughter's care end up well taken care of. Thanks to everyone who participated in my last post, I really appreciated all the advice and it was just the push I needed to have the awkward conversation in the first place. No feelings are hurt and everything worked out. :)
EDIT: Snail tax [here!](https://imgur.com/a/xsOWgix)
EDIT2: His original name is Nari but it’s never really felt like “his” name to me. I’m open to new name suggestions while I poke around for a better one! | RabbitsAmongUs | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/n6dq6g/repost_wibta_if_i_told_my_coworker_im_keeping_the/ | n6dq6g | 5,289 | 258 | [
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2021-05-07T15:42:54 | Woman Has A Terrible Injury After Diving Head First Into The Shallow End | TIFU | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/n71h6p/woman_has_a_terrible_injury_after_diving_head/ | n71h6p | 9 | 1 | [
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2021-05-07T15:44:34 | OP (19F) comes to Reddit’s Moms for advice on whether to get into a relationship with a 40M. She takes their advice, his reaction is predictable. | r/MomForAMinute | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/MomForAMinute/comments/n51z6u/should_a_19f_get_into_a_relationship_with_a_40m/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) is by u/Present-Inside9037 on r/MomForAMinute*
Should a 19F get into a relationship with a 40M?
Hey mom, I'm 19F and I'm writing this from a throw away account but I really really need some advice. Basically I met this guy three months ago when I was out with a few of my friends. He came up and started talking to me. We actually talked for a while I enjoyed talking to him and I gave him my number. When I first saw him he look like he was in his late 20's. He texted me later that night and after talking to him for a while i told him that I'm 19 years old and he told me that he was actually 40 years old and I really didn't think much of it.
At first I wasn't very interested in him but he continued to text me and I didn't want to be rude so I always replied to him. Then I started to get to know him better and we texted everyday from then on. Then the two of us started meeting up twice a week to get coffee because it was the only time both of us were free and we both really love coffee. We talked a lot and I really got to know him. After a while of meeting up for coffee he opened up to me about his life struggles. Then I opened up to him about some of my mental health issues. He's so easy to talk to and for some reason I felt like I could trust him and I told him about my struggles with self harm and suicidal thoughts and he said that he could help me with that. He said that he has experience with those things and that he knows exactly how to help me.
He thinks that we should make our relationship official but I was having second thoughts about it and I told him that I needed some time to think. I asked my friends for advice and they all told me that it was a bad idea and that I shouldn't get into a relationship with him because of the huge age gap. I get where my friends are coming from but I really like him. I also don't have much experience with relationships I've only ever had one boyfriend and I'm realy inexperienced, I've never done anything with a guy besides kissing. He seems like a really genuine person but he has done some things like grabbing my butt and one time he placed his hand on the inside of my upper thigh and started rubbing it and it made me really uncomfortable. I told him that it made me uncomfortable and he apologized and he never did it again. I actually like him a lot and I do have feelings for him. So should I get into a relationship with him or should we just remain friends? Is it a bad idea to get into a relationship with someone so much older than me?
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/MomForAMinute/comments/n6led9/update_on_my_last_post_on_whether_i_19f_should/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Hey moms, firstly I would like to thank everyone that commented on my last post. Those comments helped me notice the red flags about this guy that I didn't noticed before. I also didn't know that power balance within a relationship was a even a thing until I read the comments. I actually liked him and I wanted to be in a relationship with him. I realized that I got emotionally attached to him and a part of me was have doubts about it. A lot of the comments told me to listen to my intuition and that's what I did. I originally planned to tell him that I don't want to be in a relationship with him but we could still be friends and I was planning to start slowly distancing myself from him instead of cutting him off completely at once but things didn't really go as planned.
This all happened earlier today. We met up for coffee again and I told him that I do not want to get into a relationship with him and I told him that it just doesn't feel right with me. I also told him that we could still remain friends if he wanted to. He said that he's okay with that and he seemed fine with it at first but after a while I noticed that he was acting strange and he was being really quiet so I asked him if everything was okay. He then told me that he was not okay with just being friends and that he really liked me. He told me that he has never felt so connected with anyone in his entire life. I told again that I don't want to be in a relationship with him and he got really upset. He started raising his voice at me and he told me that I needed him in order to get through my mental health issues. He told me that my suicidal thoughts aren't going to get any better if I don't let him help me and Itold him that I don't need his help. He then threatened to kill himself if I don't get into a relationship with him. He told me that he would rather die if he can't be with me.
I didn't know how to respond so I just told him to leave me alone. I was about to walk away from him but he grabbed my wrist really hard and he wouldn't let go. I tried to pull away from him but he's so much stronger than me and I thought about screaming but no words came out of my mouth I was frozen I really didn't know what to do. I've never seen him so angry before. I think he realized that he was hurting me and he quickly let go of my arm and he apologized. We were also in a public space and he was drawing unwanted attention from the people around. After that I told him to leave me alone and to never contact me again and then I walked away from him. He shouted at me and he told me that I was a waste of space, he told me that I was a horrible person, he told me that there is reason that I'm having suicidal thoughts and that I should just go kill myself. Not gonna lie his words actually hurt a lot but it's fine I'm okay now.
When I got home I was literally shaking. I felt really scared and I had a slight panic attack. I guess I just got really overwhelmed with everything. After I calmed down I blocked him on everything and I haven't spoken to him since. I feel so stupid because I feel like I should of been able to notice the red flags from the beginning and I feel like I brought this onto myself. My friends usually tell me that I trust people too easily. He was just really nice, he was the only personthat listened to me and I felt like he actually understood me. He seemed like such a genuine person. I know now that he was manipulating me but some reason I still feel really sad. If I hadn't made that post asking for advice I probably would of gotten into a relationship with this guy and who knows what would of happened. | PM_me_lemon_cake | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/n71il8/op_19f_comes_to_reddits_moms_for_advice_on/ | n71il8 | 6,529 | 779 | [
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2021-05-07T19:01:12 | AITA for keeping track of the outfits my friends wear? | AITA | ORIGINAL POST: [AITA for keeping track of the outfits that my friends wear?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n6y2qe/update_aita_for_keeping_track_of_the_outfits_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Author: u/wendysbarbecue
A habit I've had for almost three years now is that everyday, I write down a description of the outfits my friends are wearing. I do this with my friends because I go to school with them and I see them every weekday. The exception of when I've done this is when school was virtual and over summers and breaks. I've had the same friends for a while, so I have data on some of them dating back to when I started doing this.
I do this because, at first it was an experiment to see how often people repeat the outfits they wear. If I could find out that, then I could know how often it's acceptable for me to repeat an outfit. Then, it just became a habit and I like doing it. It's cool to see how their styles have changed over the years and sometimes I can predict what they'll wear based on past data. I like the routine of it and I like going over my findings. My friends have never known I've done this.
I had a friend over yesterday, and I went to the bathroom while she was left in my room. I keep all my data on google documents (I create a new document for the records each month) so I can easily copy and paste information into google sheets if I want to make some kind of a chart. I had left my computer open, and the document was pulled up in another tab. On the original tab, my friend and I had been watching YouTube.
My friend says she accidentally closed the tab and that's how she found my document. She read through part of it and got upset. She told me that it's weird, and now she's told our other friends. They don't care that much, but they definitely think it's strange. They don't know that I've been doing this for three years, they only know about the document I've had for this month.
I'm a little upset that my friend went through a document of mine, but I don't think she was snooping, so I'm not upset with her. My friend says that it's an invasion of privacy and creepy. I don't see why because it's just an outfit, not something personal. Also, everyone sees her outfit when she leaves the house, so would it really be that different if I just remembered all their outfits? She asked me how I'd feel if she did this to me, but I'd like it if this happened to me and I'd think it's cool and want to see the data, too. AITA?
UPDATE: AITA for keeping track of the outfits my friends wear?
I posted about a week ago, and a brief recap is that I recorded descriptions of the outfits my friends wore over a three year period without telling my friends, and, when one of my friends found out, she told the others and was upset. Most of the comments called me the AH, and I understand where I went wrong now and decided to talk to my friends about it.
I asked my friends if I could talk to them, and, over the weekend, when we were all free, we talked over facetime and I explained to them why I started keeping track of their outfits, how long I've done it for, and why I kept doing it. I told them that I was sorry for not telling them and didn't realize it would make them upset. I told them I'd delete the information if they'd like and that I'll stop doing it if they want me to.
Two of my close friends on the call said that they understood what I was doing better now. They said they didn't really mind that I was recording their outfits, but they would've liked to know first. I promised to run it by them if I do something I think might bother them in the future. They asked for me to show them my data, which I did, and they asked me to send them a copy because they said they honestly thought it was interesting. My other friend, the one who originally found the data, said that she was a little creeped out by it, but thanked me for explaining. She apologized for reacting so strongly without giving me a chance to explain, and I told her that it's fine and I don't blame her.
So, yeah, we're back to getting along now. My friends are great people, and they're a little weird too, which is why we make great friends. I love them, and I'm glad they're so understanding.
Thank you very much to everyone who responded to me, I really appreciate your advice and opinions. To the people asking if I have ASD, OCD, etc., I don't know, and I can't get tested for any of these things until I'm an adult because it's not something my parents would approve of. I've been learning what those things are though, but I wouldn't say I have either, as I haven't been formally diagnosed.
To the people calling me a serial killer or a stalker, I'm not either of those, but you're free to have your own opinions. To people calling me dishonest, I don't know how to prove to you I'm not. To people who told me they're surprised I have friends, the person who privately messaged me to call me a r\*tard, and the person who privately messaged me to tell me to k\*ll myself, maybe take a step back and examine your life choices if a stranger's post on reddit got you this mad. To the people who compared me to Dennis Reynolds and Abed, LOL.
That's all for now, but thank you again! | ScathachRises | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/n76403/aita_for_keeping_track_of_the_outfits_my_friends/ | n76403 | 5,301 | 144 | [
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2021-05-07T22:20:04 | I’ve officially read every post in this sub. | Other | [deleted] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/n7am24/ive_officially_read_every_post_in_this_sub/ | n7am24 | 9 | 1 | [
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2021-05-07T22:37:55 | OP is LGBTQ+ and asks whether he should take in his homophobic sister after mom went to jail | r/JUSTNOFAMILY | Repost, **ORIGINAL POST**: ["I don't want to let my sister live me me but if I don´t, she will go into foster care and maybe it´ll ruin her future"](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/comments/n3tz6v/i_dont_want_to_let_my_sister_live_with_me_but_if/) by /u/OldRhodesianRabbit
> Tl;DR at the end. Apologies in advance, English is not my first language and I also don´t make too detailed descriptions to prevent identification.
>
>So, my (insane) mother did some things that led to her being arrested, have a trial and being convicted to several years in jail. My sister (17) always has been living with her and now doesn´t have a place to stay at.
>
>The rest of the family can´t afford to take her in, I could. Now the problem is, that my mother has always been a homophobic, racist a-hole and also projected her beliefs on her "golden child" - my younger sister. Sadly, my sister overtook many of these beliefs, and - in contrary to me and my older siblings - also became quite homophobic and racist.
>
>Now to the situation: I am a genderfluid person and live together with my trans (FtM) boyfriend in a very...to say...ethnically diverse neighborhood.
>
>I feel like taking my sister in would not do us any good, neither for our very friendly neighbors. She called me shortly after my mother was convicted and wanted to talk to me, begging us to take her in. I asked her why she didn´t ask other people, turns out she did, but everyone told her off because they can´t afford that. I asked her why she would turn then to us since a few weeks prior she had been standing on my mother´s side and agreed with her that me and my boyfriend are "dirty" and more horrible things. She said "that was something else" and I told her I wouldn´t take in someone who doesn´t accept me and my partner as who we truly are.
>
>She then called me a b*tch, a few homophobic words and ended the call. My aunts and uncles etc. called me and told me I was being an a-hole for not letting my younger sister live with me because I am the only one who can afford it and I´ll maybe destroy her future by her being put into foster care.
>
>My sister has only a few days left to get a family member to take her in or she´ll be taken in by CPS, but I don´t plan on taking my mother´s clone into my house. I don´t know what to do, I am torn between the concern for her future (her mind was shaped by my mother to be racist and homophobic, she doesn´t know anything else, I kinda feel sorry for her) and the concern for my boyfriend´s and mine inner peace and also for our neighbors.
>
>Tl;DR: My sister is going to be put into foster care because our mother is going to jail and I am the only person who could afford to take her in. She shares our mother´s racist and homophobic beliefs, me and my boyfriend are both part of the LGBTQ+ community. I am at loss, not taking her in would most likely ruin her future, taking her in will most likely just spark hate and toxicity.
>
>EDIT: Thank you for all the advice! Me and my boyfriend talked and came to the decision that we will try to talk to her one last time. If she refuses, that's her problem then.
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/comments/n6x2gy/update_i_dont_want_to_let_my_sister_live_with_me/):
>Alright, so here am I again, writing this for the few people who maybe wanted an update.
Tl;DR: We took her in after a lot of talking and apologies from her side, and after me and my partner set clear rules and boundaries for her. It´s getting better.
>
>Long story:
>
>Me and my boyfriend talked the same day after I made the post with each other and came to the agreement that she might be a POS, but she´s still my sister and with 17 definitely has a chance of changing herself, especially if surrounded by the right people. So we called her the next day and I offered her to come over and talk. She reluctantly agreed and we drove to her house. We talked for a very, very long time, trying to reason with her etc. At the end she broke down and apologised to us, saying how sorry she was for her horrible words and view of the world. We choose to believe her, because it really looked like she wanted to change herself (she´s always been a bad liar, so no chance of faking something towards me) and established some rules in case she really would live with us.
>
>The rules basically included calling me and my boyfriend by the right pronouns and names, that she had to inform herself about other cultures and the LGBTQ+ community (with our help ofc) and no contact to my mother for the first two weeks she was living with us (so my mother couldn´t poison her mind again with her bs). If she would break one of these rules, or be racist/homophobic etc. towards anyone, I´d immediately call CPS and let them take her. She agreed and I went to my neighbors the same day and told them that "my sister would be coming to live with us and she had no contact with other cultures yet" (I couldn´t bring it over myself to tell them I had a racist sister, I hope that´s understandable.) so they would have a little understanding if she asked any questions or didn´t know a lot about their culture etc.
>
>My sister moved in yesterday and it´s like she is another person. She is kind, loving and thankful. She also applied for a part-time job (because of the Pandemic it´s hard for her to find a part-time job) to financially support her stay with us (we´re not making her pay rent or anything, but if she wants to buy something for herself, she has to do it with her own money obviously). We had Indian food delivered to us yesterday evening and I think she liked it a lot and was a bit upset her mother never cooked this kind of food. :)
>
>It looks a lot like she´s trying to overcome her beliefs, and even if she struggles at times, she visibly is doing her best after 17 years of being told her old views were "right", I think that´s a very big achievement for us all. It´s going to take a lot of time and work, but I´ll do my best and am convinced it will work out. :D
>
>Thank you all a lot for all the support and advice!
This is literally one of my favorite updates of all times, so I had to share it here. :) | huskergirl-86 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/n7azup/op_is_lgbtq_and_asks_whether_he_should_take_in/ | n7azup | 6,258 | 699 | [
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2021-05-08T22:35:35 | OP's sister in car crash, husband refuses to come home from his "boy's weekend "trip to be with his frantic wife. Only there's a twist. | AITA | This one is a doozy. Also, my first post ever on Reddit. I hope the links work OK.
[Original post with first update at bottom](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dret3a/aita_for_demanding_my_husband_cancel_his_boys/) by [SadwifeAITA84](https://www.reddit.com/user/SadWifeAITA84/)
Throwaway account sorry!
Basically my husband and I have been married about six years, and have a 3 year old daughter, Elle.
Prior to getting married and having Elle, we were both very independent people. This hasn’t changed - as much as we value our couple/family time, we also both cherish time to ourselves and with our own friends.
We came up with an agreement that we each get ONE weekend a year to do whatever we like - go away, stay in a hotel, go out with friends - while the other stays home looking after Elle. It’s been working really well so far.
Well this past weekend was my husbands time and he chose a fishing trip with his pals, staying in a cabin roughly 30 mins away. No problems.
Saturday morning, the worst happened - my sister was involved in a serious car wreck. She’s on life support, it’s touch and go and I’m devastated. I can’t say much more.
I called my husband to tell him and ask he come home ASAP - and he refused. He said it’s his weekend, and he’ll come by the hospital Monday. He wasn’t totally heartless, he listened to me cry and scream and reassured me she’d be ok (how do we know that?) but he was adamant that he’s enjoying the remainder of his weekend and will join me today.
My family are obviously noticing his absence and I’m too embarrassed to tell them. I understand this is interfering with his weekend but this is my SISTER and she’s in critical condition. I’m stunned, he’s never been this selfish before. I’m angry, upset, confused and I just don’t know what to do.
I told him if he didn’t come home now, don’t bother coming home at all - now I’m wondering if I was too harsh because I haven’t slept in two days and I’m a wreck.
AITA?
Edit: wow I didn’t think this would attract any attention, especially this early. Thank you all for the healing thoughts and well wishes!
I just want to clarify re: this weekend arrangement - my husband and I regularly have date nights and nights out with friends throughout the year. This “totally alone do what you like YOLO weekend” is the thing that happens once per year. He sees his friends on a weekly basis, as do I.
Update 2: Seriously never expected this many replies, I’m so touched by your kind words. Thank you, so much. It’s horrifying to me that strangers on the internet offered me more support than my husband.
Apologies for not updating sooner, been at the hospital all day and not checking my phone. Mostly because I don’t want to speak to him.
My sisters still in the same condition, not breathing on her own yet. Waiting for some test results.
To answer some questions: thankfully Elle is with my best friend. I didn’t want her exposed to a hospital ICU and around panicked/highly emotional family, so she’s happily having a sleepover with her “other auntie.”
I realized I made it sound like my husband and I ONLY get one weekend per year which is my fault. This one weekend (we call YOLO weekend) is on top of weekly nights out, time with friends, time alone etc. it’s more of like a chance for us to do things further afield or go nuts without having to worry about waking up early with Elle. Trust me, he sees his friends all the time. That’s what hurts the most.
I’ve read your comments about an affair and I don’t know, it doesn’t seem likely but who the fuck knows at this point. He’s not the person I thought he was.
He did show up this afternoon. I met him in the lobby, told him to go fuck himself, and went back up to the ICU. I don’t want him here. I’m still running on no sleep so I’m probably being an asshole now, but I hate his guts at the moment.
That’s all for now, thank you all so much again <3
[Second update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/f70xn3/kind_of_positive_off_my_chest_thank_you_reddit/)
Hi everyone,
I’m not sure whether anybody remembers me or really cares for an update, but I’ve found myself back on Reddit for something unrelated and rediscovered my old thread on AITA.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dret3a/comment/f6msiif?context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dret3a/comment/f6msiif?context=3)
It blew up more than I ever imagined at the time, and so many people took the time to respond, offer advice, and send such beautiful heartwarming messages. I really want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for showing so much kindness to a stranger.
If anybody’s interested in an update, here it is!
Most importantly, my sister - she is alive, thank God/the universe/most of all the amazing medical team she had. They were able to bring her out of the coma and there was NO brain damage which was an unbelievable relief. Unfortunately she still has a long recovery ahead of her and is essentially re-learning how to walk, but she’s alive and we’ve all grown so much closer as a family. Thank you sincerely to everyone who cared enough to send well wishes!
Update on shitbag husband: whoever suggested he might be having an affair...ding ding ding.
He wasn’t with the boys that weekend; he was with a woman from work that he’d been seeing for about a month. It took him so long to get to the hospital because he was panicking and calling his friends to beg them to cover his ass essentially. A few weeks after my sisters accident, one of his friends came clean to me when the guilt became too much. The rest of his friends continued to lie until my husband basically confessed.
Needless to say we’re separated. I’m planning to file for divorce, but things have been very busy and I’ve been looking after my sister and Elle (my daughter) so it’s something I haven’t gotten around to just yet but I will.
I’m not sure what else to say, life is sort of just slowing down again and we all have to get used to this new normal, but more than anything I’m just grateful my sister is going to be OK.
Thank you again to everyone. It sounds silly but reading your messages got me through those long days and nights in the hospital and you truly touched a strangers life.
<3 | Dogismygod | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/n8090o/ops_sister_in_car_crash_husband_refuses_to_come/ | n8090o | 6,297 | 1,015 | [
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2021-05-09T06:09:39 | Petty pedicure argument takes a HARD left | AITA | *repost, original [post](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mge7em/aita_for_taking_my_son_to_get_pedicures_instead/) by /u/t-away789456*
(AITA for taking my son to get pedicures instead of my husband?)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For the first time since last year, my 46F husband 48M have a three day weekend! We were discussing what we wanted to do that day, and i suggested that we go get pedicures since I wanted to get a manicure that day anyway. My husband normally goes with me every other month to get pedicure, so I made the appointment. We also made plans to do some shopping and go to a late lunch/early dinner when we were done.
Last week my husband told me that his friend Jeff needed his help on Friday (the same day that we had our pedicure/shopping date), and I told him that we had plans that day. My husband asked if I could change the appointment time, so I called the salon and they said they were booked full until the following day. I told my husband this and he said that his friend needs his help, maybe we could go another time. So I told him that was fine, he could go help his friend and asked my son 18M if he wanted to go instead. My son agreed and we have a whole mother/son day planned.
My husband is now upset with me, and basically said that I was being over dramatic and inconsiderate. I disagreed and told him that this is not the first time he has ditched me for Jeff. Last month we had plans to take care of a project in our house, and he ditched me to go bring Jeff a ladder and help him clean his gutters so I ended up doing the project myself. He also brings him to date nights because "he is all alone and has no girlfriend or other friends."
I told my husband that I was tired of him putting his friendship with Jeff over spending time with me, and that it only seems like he needs his help on days when we have something planned to do together. This has happened at least 15 times in the last 6 months. The first couple times, I was okay with it because i feel like if someone needs help, and you can help, it is a nice thing to do, but after the 4th or 5th time, I felt like he was taking advantage.
My husband said that we could go again next weekend, and I told him that we could do something else, but that I am now looking forward to my mother/son day and that I wasn't canceling. Now he is pouting and making me feel guilty about it.
AITA for changing our date to a mother/son day because he wants to help his friend?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
**UPDATE** (edited into the original post)
Thank you for all of your comments. I appreciate them and while reading them I did a lot of reflection on things, particularly things involving Jeff. I left work this afternoon early and went home. My son had to work today, so when my husband got home for lunch, I decided to talk to him about things. I told him that I was beginning to feel like Jeff was purposely trying to sabotage our nights out/interfere with plans that we had made with each other to do things. My husband admitted that he too felt the same, but that he really cared out Jeff and valued his friendship. I asked why his friendship with Jeff was more important to him than spending time with me, and he didn't answer. I asked him if there was something going on between them that was more than friendship and he went pale. He admitted to me that he had feelings for Jeff, that they had had romantic encounters, and that he was sure that he was bi-sexual, but is confused about his feelings.
He told me he loved me, and that he cared about me, but he also cares about Jeff too. I told him that he cannot have his bread buttered on both sides, that I will not excuse his infidelity because of the confusion with his sexuality. I told him that what he has done is completely unforgivable and that I expected him out of the house by the end of today. I told him I would be calling a divorce lawyer and that he can expect to be served as soon as possible. He was very upset, and he basically said he would never see Jeff again, but I told him that the damage is done, I will never trust him again, and that there was nothing he could say to make me condone his cheating.
Right now I am staying at my sister's house. My son has no idea what is going on, and I do not know what to tell him without outing my husband. I am a mess and all I want to do is cry. I am numb. All I keep seeing is the last 23 years of my life and how it is a lie. A giant lie. | tyrelltsura | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/n88285/petty_pedicure_argument_takes_a_hard_left/ | n88285 | 4,622 | 405 | [
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2021-05-09T07:25:42 | Girls Mom & Little Sister Are Using Her For Child Care (Happyish) | AITA | [Original Post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eeri3t/aita_for_leaving_my_mom_her_bf_and_3_sisters/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x)
AITA for leaving my mom, her bf and 3 sisters?
I recently left the house a few days ago. I was woken up at 1 p.m. with a hit on my head by my 1 year old sister and her plastic toy. I had just stayed up until 4 a.m. feeding my newborn sister because my mom couldn't. My mom just had a c-section so she couldn't move or walk for a long time so she is often on a chair. A few hours later, she and I were arguing about groceries (she spent $300 on JUST meat 2 weeks ago, so the previous week, I spent $100 on snacks and household essentials like soap/shampoo and laundry detergent, she wanted me to list everything I bought and was yelling at me when I couldn't remember) and I went to my room in the middle of the argument because I was sick of the fighting. She told me to come downstairs and continued yelling stuff like "don't make me go up there!" And I knew she couldn't so I just stayed in my room crying.
My dad called me and I explained the situation to him, he said if I didn't like her rules, then leave. Then my 16 y/o sister texted me "mom said to leave the house", so I packed. A friend picked me up and I walked out with necessities, and as I walked out, my mom said "never come back". My friend dropped me off to my best friends house and at that point, I had cried for like 3 hours straight.
That was all 3 days ago.
2 days ago, my 16 y/o sister (who is pregnant and almost due) texted me that I needed to come home to watch my 1 y/o and newborn sisters for 2 hours so that she can go grocery shopping with my mom's boyfriend (1 y/o and newborn's dad, who is just recently unemployed but he's a nice guy) and I told her I wasn't coming back because my mom told me not to. My 1 y/o sister had choked on her food yesterday because I didn't go home to watch her while my mom was with the newborn, then my dad told me to drop my pride and go home just because she's my mom. This has nothing to do with pride, both my mom and dad told me to leave the house knowing she needed me.
My parents had always told us kids that if we don't like living under their roof, then leave; we didn't have a reason and were too scared to do it. They must've been shocked when the only child of theirs who grew up without causing any trouble in school, or getting knocked up, or getting bad grades, and always helping them and putting up with their toxic ways, left. I want to help but my mom is very lazy, I often have to do everything around the house while watching my sisters.
I'm only 18, my mom won't even take me to the DMV for my permit or license, even though she did it for my brother (the eldest child, he's living with my dad). I'm under constant stress because of my mom and nothing ever satisfies her. I am currently staying at my best friend's house and with my new free time, I can finally go around and apply for jobs and make something of myself. I feel sad but I've been resenting my mom for a few years now, but I always needed to obey her just because she was simply my mom and I couldn't take it anymore.
*From the comments, OP replies to someone mentioning CPS:
"I can't call CPS because I don't want my siblings to grow up without their parents. My mom is a little bit screw loose but she's not all bad. She doesn't hit us or anything but she's one to cause a lot of arguments. As for my dad, he might be afraid that my mom could be incapable of caring for her kids due to her temper and that I might be the solution but I'm not"
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/user/xiaraberrypie/comments/feupww/%E0%AC%98%E0%A9%AD%CB%8A%E1%B5%95%CB%8B%E0%A9%AD_aita_update_%EF%BE%9F/)
2 Months Later
First things first, despite the comments telling me not to go back to my Mom's house, I kept feeling guilty for leaving and I then felt more guilty that I was staying at my friend's house for a month and still couldn't find a job nor a way to pay her back despite the fact she told me it was okay (I helped around with household chores which was the most I could do), and the 3rd baby (my 16 y/o sister's child) had just been born. After about a month, the guilt led me to cave in and go back to my mom's house to help out with my sisters and niece.
It's been about a month since I've been here and I still feel miserable that my life is going nowhere as I stay here longer. The past few days I've really felt that I'm emotionally and physically draining and I'm becoming more unhealthy each day. I rarely eat, I'm up at 4:29 a.m. and I don't remember when I last drank water. I don't want to live like this anymore and with the coronavirus coming to the U.S., my mom is trying to make it an excuse for me not to go out, even though there's only one case here in my state so far.
My dad (who's living in another state with my older brother) has finally saved enough money for a plane ticket for me to move in with him. I took the offer.
My mother is not happy about the news of me leaving again, especially since she's now going back to her job from maternity leave and my 16 y/o sister is going back to school again as well. My grandma has been helping me and my mom's boyfriend with the 3 kids, and I feel bad for leaving her here, since she's in her 80's. But I can't miss this opportunity to go live with my dad who can help me be set for my future.
My mom wants me to go to college but I don't want to go straight into debt for something I don't truly want to do as of right now. On top of that, I'd be leaving my boyfriend and closest friends, but they're all very supportive and want me to go succeed. I'll be moving across the country on Tuesday, and I'm so happy yet terrified. I hope to get a job (My brother was easily hired within days, so there's higher chances of me getting hired there rather than where I'm currently at). I want to save enough money to buy myself a camera and film asmr-like simplistic cooking videos, hopefully post them on YouTube. I also wish to get a cat from the shelter to keep me company for when I'm alone. I don't know what the future holds but for the first time in my life, I have goals, and I know the general path and steps to take.
*From the comments, OP updates 1 week later:
"I moved in with my dad across the country last week, and yesterday I just had my first job interview and I got the job! I'm beyond excited I start on Saturday. I'm beyond excited, my brother is also teaching me how to drive and I'm looking to get a new kitten to keep me company when I feel lonely away from my friends and boyfriend. Overall, moving has been a big impact especially on my health, I'm eating better and I'm feeling better. I plan to move back to my hometown when I have enough money to get an apartment with my friends or boyfriend."
------------
This post broke my heart. I don't think the dad sounds like a prize either but OP sounded much happier after getting to her dad's house and it sounds like a MUCH better situation so I'm thankful for that. The original was posted over a year ago with no more updates so I really hope she found stability and happiness. | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/n893kp/girls_mom_little_sister_are_using_her_for_child/ | n893kp | 7,206 | 436 | [
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2021-05-10T15:01:59 | Therapist calls police on behalf of abused child, against child's wishes. | LegalAdvice | https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/4lbxc8/ms_i_told_my_therapist_i_was_abused_and_she/
update
https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/n8tbl8/ms_i_told_my_therapist_i_was_abused_and_she/
I'm quite upset over this so please excuse any grammar or spelling errors.
Basically when I was little, I would occasionally sleep in my parents bad. Well my dad is kind of an alcoholic, and he felt me up a few times. I'm not upset about it, and all I really want it to leave the whole thing behind me.
A few weeks ago my therapist and I were talking about my childhood so I brought up the above incidents. We talked about it for awhile, then dropped the topic. Well, today I got a call from her saying she had to report the incidents to the police, and that they would be coming sometime this week to ask me a few questions. The problem is that I don't want to talk to the police at all. I have no interest in putting my dad is prison. Seriously all I want is to put this whole situation behind me.
So what do I do? Do I have to tell the police what happened? Do I have to talk to the police at all? Please help.
UDPATE
(Mods: I do not know what to flair this. Please let me know if you need me to edit.)
link to original post
Hi. It's been its about 4 years since I made the post asking what to do when my abuse by my father came to light. I feel like the original post generated a lot of interesting talking points about mandated reporters and abuse in general, and I felt like the people who contributed to it deserved an update on what happened to me. I want to thank all who commented for their help, and I wanted to assure all who were worried that I'm okay.
So here is what happened: I ended up being questioned by a victim advocacy center, and I told them the truth about what happened. After the questioning, I went home and tried to kill myself by downing everything in my mother's medicine cabinet. I lived but this landed me in a hospital for several weeks. The investigation against my abuser ended up not going further for a variety of reasons.
Several people in the comments questioned why I did not want my abuser charged and whether it was even ethical for me to not want my abuser to be charged. I would like everyone to keep in mind that I was an abused child when I wrote that post, and I'm not here to debate whether this was the correct viewpoint. At the time, I truly believed my abuser was not a danger to anyone else and that he had no access to any other victims. My justification for trying to protect my abuser was that I felt like it was the best choice for my family, and when I read that original post, all I can see is a child who was so desperate to protect their family that they were willing to end their own life over it. Plus, my abuser is dead now. He died only about 6 months after I made that post, and me and each of my siblings received a damn good payout from it.
So what ended up happening to me? Well, I lived through it and eventually graduated and went to college. Later this year I will be in my first semester of law school which will be payed for by my abuser's money. My siblings have all pretty much graduated and started their own lives and are no longer dependent on the things he left. I haven't decided exactly what area of law I'm going to go into, but I am considering doing something with children so I can protect other victims ya know :). I've been in therapy for years to help deal with my abuse, and I'm currently engaged to someone who treats me really, really well. For the first time in my life, I feel like I understand what it is like to be loved unconditionally.
Thus, the point of this update is to assure everyone who commented that I'm doing okay and to thank them for trying to help a very scared little girl. My final message to all of you is to listen to the children in your life and to do what you can to protect them. Love them. Keep them safe. Thanks and goodnight. | Icamp2cook | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/n96yjt/therapist_calls_police_on_behalf_of_abused_child/ | n96yjt | 3,962 | 660 | [
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2021-05-11T03:30:49 | Parolee Skips Out On Probation, Turns Himself In After 7 Years On The Run | r/Confession | [Original Post in r/Confession](https://www.reddit.com/r/confession/comments/9o3ehp/ive_been_on_the_run_for_7_and_a_half_years/)
Ive been on the run for 7 and a half years.
Remorse
I stopped reporting to my parole officer in 2011. I recently had a beautiful baby. Tomorrow I'm turning myself in. Can't be a father if I'm a wanted man. I have 12 years hanging over my head. I've never experienced abject terror before today. I'll never be able to say that sentence again. I'm not even sure why I'm posting.
I have a great support network, but I'm still terrified. Of the consequences. Of losing everything. Of missing the beginning of my child's life. I don't fear prison. Prison is actually the easiest part of all this. When I went to prison the first time, I just didn't care. Now I have everything to lose. I'm stepping off a cliff with no idea where I'll land...
EDIT: There has been concern that I'm going to prison for 12 years. For clarity 12 years is how much parole I have left. Under state law 6 is the max I can receive. More likely it will be 1-3 based on several factors. No new charges, turning myself in, new child.
I commented this but wanted to post it up top so people would see them.
Jesus Christ on a motorbike I didn't expect this to blow up the way it did.
First I want to address the "you deserve what you get" and "you're a terrible person" crowd. Trust me. I'm more aware of those facts than you could ever be. I was a coward. Until I walk through those doors tomorrow, I still am a coward. I am a piece of shit. But with the family and friends I have on my side, I won't be for long.
For all the folks wishing me luck, sending me messages, and generally showing empathy to a man undeserving: thank you from every piece of my heart. Sometimes the internet's not such a bad place.
As for updates. My brother has expressed that he is willing to post them from this account over the next few weeks as the process works itself out. So it won't be me directly, but they'll be here.
Finally. To answer a couple common questions:
"How did you make it seven years?" I didn't break the law, kept my head down, and was, for all intents and purposes, barring the absconding, a model citizen. No one ever had a reason to question me.
"Why not stay on the run?" This may be hard for someone on the outside to understand, but the life I currently live is a life of constant fear. A purgatory. A half life. My daughter has made me see that I need more. I need freedom. Which may seem contrary to going to prison, but jail or prison is just the first step in a longer game plan. One that sees me as a REAL model citizen, the best father I can be, and Lord willing, the best husband a woman could hope for.
"What were your crimes?" Like I've mentioned, I am actively avoiding specificity, but the long and short is I committed several crimes over several weeks, and it culminated in me fighting a cop and hurting him when he tried to arrest me.
"Have you ever talked to the cop and apologized?" I have not. I hope to one day, but first thing first is getting my shit together. An apology from an on the run convicted criminal doesn't mean much.
"What about your wife/woman?" I am hopeful. She seems committed to helping me through this. I hope to make us work. But if time has other plans she will always have my love and respect. Both as the mother of my child and the woman who helped me to grow into the kind of man that's ready to face his failures and grow as a human, and a parent.
That's all I got for now. I might add a final note before I go in tomorrow. If not my brother will update when new news is to be had.
UPDATE: this is my final update for a while. In 20 minutes my attorney is driving me to county. I'm currently holding my daughter while my lady hammers out some details with the lawyer. Thank you all for the well wishes. As strange as it is Reddit has given me more of the strength I need to do this. The internet sometimes comes through for you. Excuse me for now. I need to cuddle my daughter for the last few minutes I can...
[1st Update (deleted and recovered)](https://removeddit.com/r/confession/comments/aj86cm/update_7_and_a_half_years_on_the_run/)
First let me apologize for the lack of updates. We had family stuff and coupled with me fighting revocation, we lost track of updating. That being said...
Holy shit guys and gals...I received the miracle of miracles. A short term sanction. At this moment I am sitting back at home with my daughter snoring gently about 5 feet away, my very soon to be wife cuddled up on me, and one of her sappy Lifetime movies playing in the background. In short...I am complete. I've still got some time on parole still, but overall...I am happy.
I have a solid parole agent. He's no-nonsense, kind of a tough guy, but clearly he sees something in me and my family since he went to bat for me. And he did. His supervisors wanted me in prison. A lot. But he argued with them during the revocation hearing. In the end he won. We won. The supervisors did, however, make it very clearly that should I fuck up again I'm going back to prison, long term. But I won't. I have the 2 most important reasons in the world to get right...
So with that being said...I'm not sure what else there is. I'll answer questions if anyone has them, but if you're wondering the circumstances of my jail term, and this post, see the linked previous post.
Finally. For all those that cheered me, applauded me, and generally gave to me good advice: thank you.
[Last Post, in r/UnsentLetters 1 year later](https://www.reddit.com/r/UnsentLetters/comments/bq6lcb/dear_officer/)
Dear Officer,
I met your wife and son today. We talked for almost 3 hours. There were tears, and anger, and sadness, and regret. There was also happiness, and reminiscing, and I hope, forgiveness. She told me about you. About how your last act on this Earth was to save the life of another. A woman you didn't know, never met, and never had a chance to talk to. She told me how you ran into that house without hesitation and saved her. And never saw the sun again.
She told me about your son. About how he plays football now. About his grades. A girl he's seeing. His college ambitions. Your son told me how much he misses you. About when you taught him to throw a football. That time you and him snuck out to go fishing at 2am. About how his mother was furious but couldn't stop laughing at the tiny catfish you caught.
He's so tall now. Even taller than we were. No small feat at 6'2". He's probably 2 inches taller than us. And only 17. And such a good, kind hearted young man. (He wants to be a detective, btw. He'll make a good one.)
They told me about how you never talked the same again after our encounter. They told me about how you hated me for a long time. They told me about the lisp. She told me you used to be so talkative. And how that broken jaw made you self conscious about your speech. She told me about the scar. About how for a long time you spoke with your hand over your mouth. Your wife told me how it took you years to get back to enjoying having a conversation again. About how it took even more years for you to forget my face... She told me she hated me for even longer. Still does, in some ways.
Honestly, sir, I'm still surprised she and your son agreed to meet me. When I started looking for you I never expected to hear the words that you were gone. I honestly don't know what I expected. I definitely didn't expect that we would be sharing pictures by the end.
She showed me baby pics of your son. The picture when you first held him. You looked so scared, and so hopelessly in love. With him. With her. With life and all it's potential. He showed me the picture from his ride along. You both looked so happy. I showed them pictures of my wife and daughter. She gave me a picture, you know. A little wallet sized pic of you in your uniform... I'll carry that picture, and my guilt, with me for the rest of my life.
I wish I could have met you. I wish I could have told you how very sorry I am. You were doing your job and I lashed out. Changing both of our lives irrevocably. I can't ever take back my actions. I can't ever apologize in a truly complete enough way. All I can do now is raise my daughter the best I can. Be the best husband I can be. Be the best Man I can be. And honor your memory.
"And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest."
EDIT: there is some room for confusion here. I did not kill him. He was killed responding to a domestic violence call many years after I ran into him. | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/n9nudv/parolee_skips_out_on_probation_turns_himself_in/ | n9nudv | 8,618 | 547 | [
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2021-05-11T18:29:11 | OP Finds Out Her Girlfriend Of Four Years Is Trans; She Reaches Out To r/AskTransgender For Support | r/asktransgender | [Original Post In r/asktransgender ](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/icfjtn/i_just_found_out_my_girlfriend_of_four_years_is/)
I just found out my girlfriend of four years is trans and I’m not sure what to do
Hi everyone! I hope you don’t mind me posting here but I’m really not sure where else to ask and I’m kind of freaking out.
My girlfriend May (26) and I (25) have been dating for four years. We met in college and live in the city where we went to school, which is on the opposite side of the country from most of her family. She comes from a pretty big family, but I’ve only met her mom, step-dad, dad, step-mom, and step siblings. They’ve all been incredibly nice and they’re all on good terms with May, although she’s a bit less close to her mom and step-dad. They divorced quite young so she is very integrated into both step-parents families as well, I’ve always thought they were basically a model “blended family.”
Earlier today we received a letter from one of her step-cousins, who I don’t know. It was addressed to both of us so I opened it. Inside was an invitation to a family reunion/grandma’s birthday celebration tentatively scheduled for next summer. The invitation itself looked kind of like a Christmas greeting card, but it was a photo of all of the step/grandchildren about 15 years ago or so.
So, you know, I asked May why she wasn’t in the photo. Because I know they all love her and this grandma sends her lovely gifts every birthday and Christmas so I know they know her well. I was excited too, because May’s dad’s house was flooded during hurricane Sandy and they lost all of her childhood photos, so I’ve never gotten to see May the baby or middle schooler! And May basically just burst into tears.
And, long story short, she’s trans, she transitioned when she was in high school and got surgeries and everything. When she got to college she moved to the other side of the country so no one would know and she told people all her photos before she started living as a girl were destroyed. She got her family in on the story as well, so they’ve all just been playing along for four years. There’s other stuff too, like she never introduced me to her hometown friends, she always said it was because our schedules never lined up but now she’s admitted it was because she wanted to keep those parts of her life separate. We’ve lived together for a year, and I only just learned that she takes hormone medications—she’s been hiding them in her work bag and takes them in the car.
And I guess I’m just not sure how I’m supposed to feel about this. I really love May, we’ve talked about marriage, and I’ve always said trans women are women so I feel like this shouldn’t matter. But I also feel kind of...betrayed?...like she’s been telling so many little lies over the last four years that it feels like one big one?
She’s gone to stay with a friend tonight. I didn’t ask her to, but she said she needed the space, and I’m really worried about her but she won’t answer her texts. The friend called me to let me know she’s fine but now I’m just alone in my apartment, panicking, and I can’t tell if I’m being a bigot or if this is a reasonable thing to be upset about and I think I’m supposed to be comforting her but I don’t know how when I feel so hurt. I don’t want to talk to anyone we both know about this because I don’t want to out her, so I’m just running it over and over in my head alone.
I don’t really know what I’m asking for. If anyone here has any advice, or wants to tell me to get my head on straight, or can share insight into what’s going on on her end, I’d really appreciate it. I don’t want our relationship to end like this. I’d love any help you can give.
*From OP in the comments later that night:*
Update: May finally called, and she’s doing ok. We didn’t talk long because it’s late and our friend has work early tomorrow. I reiterated that this changes nothing for me: I love her, I’m committed to her, and I want her here with me. She apologized for lying and making me worry, and I was able to say—honestly—that I got it and I know she’s dealing with a lot right now. She’s going to stay the night there because she’s in no state to drive right now, but we both agreed that tomorrow we’re calling off from work and spending the day working on us. I think we’re both expecting for it to be unpleasant but it’s a relief knowing that we’re in it for the long haul.
And, guys. I told her I love her, and it wasn’t hard no matter how hurt I feel. And I still got butterflies in my stomach when she said it back. Maybe I’m being a bit naive, but it feels like, if that part was so easy, then the rest won’t be too hard either. Maybe all these comments have just made me really optimistic for our future. Maybe I’m just giddy with relief that she’s ok and our relationship isn’t over and she’s talking to me again. But I really do feel like there’s good things coming even though it sucks right now.
Thanks again to everyone for their advice and support. I was freaking out and alone and you were all so kind. I really appreciate it. It truly did make a big difference for me.
[Update the next day](https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/id1ce7/update_i_just_found_out_my_girlfriend_of_four/)
Hi everyone!
Just wanted to give a quick update, since so many people commented on the original post. May and I spent all day talking, crying, and basically just feeling a lot of things (we are both exhausted emotionally and physically) but the short version of it all is, were good.
The long version is that, you guys called it, she didn’t come out initially because she didn’t want me to see her differently. And as time went on it became more and more of a thing, until I found out anyways. So she’s very much still in shock, but also a little bit relived. She’s also really glad I posted here instead of telling one of my friends or relatives, even though she says she wouldn’t necessarily have blamed me if I had. But personally I think you all were much more helpful than they would have been, even if outing her was something I was okay with. She’s still feeling a bit fragile, even though she no longer thinks I’m going to leave her or anything, so all of the insight I got here on how to be supportive is going to be really helpful in the near future.
I’m still feeling kind of sore about being lied to, but I’m nowhere near as hurt or panicked as I was when I posted yesterday. May and I are looking for an LGBT-friendly couples counselor to work through this with, and we’ve both agreed to give ourselves some time to adjust to this new normal before we start making any really serious relationship decisions. I’m also going to look into a therapist again (I haven’t been in a couple of years), and Mays thinking about it as well.
Which bring a me to my most exciting piece of the update. I mentioned in my post yesterday that we had been talking about marriage, but apparently May had been thinking more concretely about proposing to me. Like, within the next six months. Part of her panic was that she thought I might end it then and there and she...had already bought a ring (non-returnable, apparently) and made some plans. So obviously that plan is temporarily on hold—were going to touch base again in a couple of months before either of us commit to that kind of big deal!—but I’m excited. May’s a bit disappointed that this is I how I found out that she’s planning something, but it honestly really made me feel secure and reassured, so that’s a definite plus. And she kept the specifics a secret so it will still very much be a surprise. With any luck, the next time I post an update, I will do so as an engaged woman!
Since I realize I didn’t make this clear last time: I am a woman. May and I are lesbians. This whole saga has been incredibly gay. I appreciate all the comments telling me what a good man I am, but I am actually not a man at all!
And since a couple of people were worried about it, I just want to add: I haven’t neglected my own needs or anything! May is very sorry about lying and understands why I am hurt, even as I am coming to understand why she lied in the first place. We’re meeting each other in the middle in that sense. And as hard as I am working to reassure her, she’s working just as hard to rebuild trust with me! Do not worry about that. This is very much a mutual effort.
So that’s it! Thanks so, so much to everyone who commented yesterday. Your support came at such a critical time for me personally and for our relationship, and your insight has been so incredibly helpful for me. I can’t say it enough. I’m physically and emotionally exhausted, but the support I’ve gotten here really was a little bright spot in a very turbulent couple of days. Thank you all.
*From commenter in the Update:*
>I appreciate all the comments telling me what a good man I am, but I am actually not a man at all!
"Don't worry, some of us are familiar with that feeling and are prepared to talk about it, too ;)"
‐---------------
From me, kittendealinmama, I HAD to share that comment at the end cuz I laughed SO hard and I wanna make sure you get that extra smile too ;) | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/na3xap/op_finds_out_her_girlfriend_of_four_years_is/ | na3xap | 9,228 | 609 | [
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2021-05-11T18:38:10 | [Update] Told the girl I like my feelings for her: Admitting my actions were wrong in face of evidence. (Removed from r/Stoicism) | Stoicism | [deleted] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/na44pg/update_told_the_girl_i_like_my_feelings_for_her/ | na44pg | 9 | 0 | [
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2021-05-12T02:38:24 | Ex-husband pressured OP to be vegan, now gives chicken nuggets to their kid without telling her they are no longer vegan | AITA | [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/e1rf3n/aita_for_being_upset_that_my_exhusband_fed_our/)
My ex and I were vegan. I became vegan when we moved in together because he was vegan and he didn't like there being animal products in the house. I learned more about the way food was made and I agreed. I was vegan while I was pregnant and we've raised our daughter vegan for the past eight-ish years.
We divorced 15 months ago. He was not faithful but while he was a terrible partner to me, he loves his daughter and during this time I've tried to be a good coparent.
Yesterday I picked up my daughter from her dad's house - he wanted to keep her late because he and his partner were going to take the kids (she has 3) to a matinee of Frozen. So it's dinner time when I'm getting her.
As we're driving home she says she's hungry. I offered her my purse apple (I should have packed better car snacks for the ride) but she spies the golden arches out the window. She has a full. blown. meltdown demanding chicken nuggets.
We get home and she's, like, blowing snot bubbles she's so enraged. She howls her way through a bowl of leftover soup (honestly, I think I was just being an asshole at this point because we have chick'n nuggets in the freezer I could have made but rewarding that kind of tantrum seemed like bad parenting). She hates me, I'm a terrible mom, Dad would have let her eat chicken nuggets. She wore herself out crying.
She was upset when she woke up this morning asking if I 'hated' her because she ate meat (OBVIOUSLY, obviously, obviously not). I spent the entire drive to school reassuring her that I'm not angry with her but that I was surprised that she wanted them. I also reiterated I wasn't happy with her behaviour of screaming and hollering when she didn't get what she wanted. I understand that sometimes our emotions feel big but we have to try and be in control of them and not the other way around.
But I AM fucking pissed because I wasn't aware our hitherto vegan daughter was now eating meat and I feel like that's a decision that I should have been informed about. I called him after she went to bed and he told me I was being uptight and he didn't tell me because he knew I'd overreact. I'm controlling and I don't need to be privy to every single thing he does when our daughter is with him.
I'm fucking MAD. There are vegan options at McDonalds - he didn't have to feed her chicken but since he did, I would have appreciated a heads-up. Also, for a dude who gave me a hard time for craving oreos (which are fucking vegan) while pregnant with her, kinda annoyed that he's shovelling crap in her mouth hand over fist taking her to McDonalds every week.
I'd always felt like when she became old enough to choose her diet, I'd let her make her own decisions. If she wants to each chicken nuggets, give'r. But, like, I feel wildly, wildly frustrated that he unilaterally made this choice. I feel like I should have been made aware. I try to keep him updated on her stuff when she's with me. AITA?
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/na3s4l/update_aita_for_being_upset_that_my_exhusband_fed/)
This is an update to a post I made almost two years ago about my ex-husband altering our daughter's diet to include meat without telling me.
So the kiddo experimented with meat some. We were actually kind of fortunate this happened before quarantine and lockdowns because we could still visit my parents who are meat-eaters and who do cook that kind of food and give her some better options to choose from.
She liked beef but also really likes cows (favourite animal after cats at the moment) so decided she didn't want to eat that. She didn't like fish - which didn't take me as a huge surprise because nine-year-olds can be picky like that.
The thing she likes the most is breakfast sausage? On Saturdays we often go to a local cafe and pick up breakfast (a new 'tradition' we picked up last spring as a mental pick-me-up for us during quarantine). If she's feeling like it she'll occasionally order something with sausages. I tried cooking breakfast for her during our last lockdown but it was not a success.
Oh and eggs. Which makes huge sense because, like, vegan egg substitutes are crap. And grandma makes realllly good scrambled eggs. Probably the food I miss the most. We cook those together maybe once a week and she says she's getting pretty good at it.
We still eat primarily plant-based because that's how I cook (and its what is cheapest - letting us have some nice luxuries like eating out on Saturdays).
So that was the resolution of the meat thing while she's in my custody. We're happy with the solution. | mermaidpaint | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/naehqt/exhusband_pressured_op_to_be_vegan_now_gives/ | naehqt | 4,701 | 329 | [
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2021-05-12T17:00:58 | Dad Had To Give Up His Son Due To Mental Health & After 12 Years He Wants To Make Contact (Happy) | LegalAdvice | I'm marking this happy, and it is, but damn, it's an emotional one. It's also long. There are four updates and some relevant comments added. This began over a year ago with the final comment from 2 months ago.
[Original Post In r/legaladvice ](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/bpqws6/i_was_separated_from_my_child_12_years_ago_if/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
I was separated from my child 12 years ago. If possible I'd like to try and contact him but his mother got a restraining order against me a long time ago. Is there any legal way to proceed?
Throwaway for privacy reasons. Here goes. 14 years ago I was married and we had a baby boy. At that time I was not in a good place at all. I had serious mental health issues due to things that happened during my childhood, which led to deep depression which I left untreated for a long time. I was a mess, I did drugs sometimes, I was unable to take care of myself, even less of a child, even if I loved him a huge lot. I was unable to connect to people and to be a good father because of my poor mental health. I had also anger issues and hated myself with a passion. I was unable to keep a job and had no stable income even though I have skills. My wife tried to help but at some point it was too much and she left with the child. We had a divorce when my son was about 2, and she got full custody, which I'm first to admit was the right thing for the kid. I would never have abused him but I wasn't able to supervise him properly and offer him the emotional stability a child needs.
Soon after she left my ex-wife met someone and moved in with him, then they got married. I know him a little and he's a good, stable person. I knew my kid was in a good home so it was fine. I didn't really try to see him often at the time because I was too busy spiraling, moreover I didn't think it would be good for him, which I now understand was probably not true but at the time I wasn't able to make sound decisions. I paid some child support, not much because of my low income, but I always made the payments I was required to.
Then an incident happened: my ex-wife agreed to meet me in a bar because I wanted to talk to her, and when we were there I got frustrated at how the discussion went, I yelled at her, got mad at a man who tried to intervene and ended up outside fighting with him, which terrified my ex-wife. In the end the guy had pity on me because he saw what a sorry mess I was and let it go. However that was it for my ex-wife and she said she never wanted me around anymore because I was dangerous (her father had anger management issues too so she didn't want to go through this again), and she got a restraining order against me, which I respected. She told me she would never let me near our child for fear I would hurt him. I never would but I understand how she could come to this conclusion after I had been verbally violent with her. Anyway I was sure that I would soon be dead so I just gave up and I didn't really try and see my son after that. Soon thereafter I was persuaded to relinquish my parental rights so his stepfather could adopt him. I thought he was young enough to forget me and he now had a good family. It hurt a lot doing this but I was convinced it was the right thing to do for him. I felt completely worthless at the time so I thought it was all for the better , and I got completely out of his life.
However time passed and after years of misery and struggling and wanting to die I finally received help and support and somehow got my shit together. I dealt with my suffering and turned my life around in a way I would never have thought possible, and I've changed for the better. All this time it hurt a lot to be without my kid even if I knew he was in a safe place. Knowing he was there somewhere has been one of the motivators for climbing out of the hole. I still miss him terribly, and I wonder how he's doing, what he's up to, what his life is like. I want him to know I'm there for him if he wants me. I'm not even sure if he knows about me, I'm aware contacting him could be very upsetting and I don't want to do this to him or his family. So I'd like to ask his mother what she thinks about it (and I'm prepared to be told no), and what she told him about me, but I'm not supposed to contact her because of the restraining order. I don't want to do anything illegal, moreover I have a good job now and would risk being fired if I did. I'm lost and don't know what to do. I know it's my fault if I didn't have any contact with him for all this time, I take full responsibility for that. And I understand that I'm not legally his father anymore. So my question is this: is there any way I can get around this without breaking the restraining order or doing anything wrong or illegal? The last thing I want is to mess things up once more.
[Update 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/c5gn9y/update_to_my_post_about_contacting_the_child_i/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
A quick update to warmly thank the people at r/legaladvice for your help. As you advised me I got a lawyer and he was able to confirm that the restraining order was indeed expired and had been for a long time. This means I'm free to contact my son's mother, ask her if he knows about me and if she would be willing to let me write to him. Again, thanks a lot, you might not realize it but your advice gave me the boost of confidence I needed to start this process when I was stuck thinking there was no hope because of the restraining order. Time to move to the next step now (not the easiest) and pray my ex-wife will react well with me contacting her after all this time.
[Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/cca739/update_on_contacting_the_child_i_gave_up_for/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
I wrote a letter to my ex-wife. I spare you the detail but in it I apologized for what I've done and took responsibility for it. I also told her that I've made efforts to better myself and how I got my act together, and that I'm aware that she only has my word as proof for it and I know that's not much. I asked if she would let me know how she and my son were doing and if she'd be willing to share a bit about his life. I asked if he knows about me and if she thinks there's a chance she would let me contact him at some point in the future. I also added that I won't make any further attempt at contact if she doesn't answer or if she asks me to stop.
I really wasn't sure she would answer but she did. It was a long and emotional letter. I don't want to say too much but she says she has forgiven me and she's glad I'm doing better. She, my son and her husband are doing well. My son is a happy young man, he's doing great in school and has a nice group of friends. She finds him very mature for his age, he knows what he wants to do with his future. He has a good relationship with his parents and siblings. Reading this has been a huge relief, I'm so glad he's doing well. She said I was right to give him up for adoption however difficult it may have been. I knew it but reading it from my ex-wife has been incredibly comforting.
My son knows he's adopted, and he knows why his mom left with him and why he's never met me. Apart from that he doesn't know much about me. He has asked a few questions over the years and his mother has answered truthfully, and she writes that she hasn't bad mouthed me and I believe her. As for contacting him in the future, she'll think about it, but she and her husband need to talk about it first and see if my son wants it. And obviously my ex-wife and her husband will need to talk to me to see if I've changed for real. She said that she needs time to think about it and she doesn't want to rush things, but whatever they decide in the end she won't keep me in the dark.
So now all I've got to do is wait. This is a positive outcome, knowing my son is doing great is what I had been hoping for all these years and it helps a lot, even more than I would have expected. Even if I'm not sure if there will be contact in the future, there's hope so that's fine.
[Update 3](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/dz1q0t/update_3_on_contacting_the_child_i_gave_up_for/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
Great things happened over the last few months! My ex-wife wrote me a second letter a fex weeks after she first answered mine and said she'd be willing to meet with me so we could talk. I hadn't thought she'd want to do this because the last time I saw her was when I scared her so much. So we met for the first time in almost 12 years. We met in a coffee shop, needless to say we both were very emotional, but things went well and we ended up remaining there all afternoon talking about a lot of things we needed to get off our chests. I was finally able to apologize in person for the things I put her through. I told her about my years of darkness and suffering and what caused them, the struggle to get better and the progress I've made towards healing and turning my life around. She said again that she forgives me and she understands that I was in a lot of pain and it wasn't easy, and that it makes her happy to see where I am now because in spite of it all, part of her was still worrying about me. She told me about her life with our son and the two kids she has with her second husband. They're a great family and I'm really grateful that my son is growing up between loving parents and siblings and that he's happy . We were able to talk with an open heart and we both cried a lot, but that did us a lot of good I think.
Then over the following weeks I met two more times with my ex and her husband to discuss potentially contacting my son, and they seem to agree that I'm much better than I was and I have my act together now and that I've been able to get somewhere in life. They are willing to trust me, and I am extremely grateful to them for giving me a chance, I wouldn't even have dreamed of that until a few months ago. I told them how thankful I am that they shared news of my son with me and told me about his life. Not knowing how he was for all that time, while there were good reasons for that, has been very tough.
From what my ex-wife and her husbands told me, in the last two years or so my son has been asking questions about why he was adopted. His parents have explained why his mom had to leave and take him with her, and how I wasn't able to be a father for him due to my issues and that I gave up my parental rights so his stepdad could raise him like his own son. They have told him the truth and haven't sugarcoated anything. He has asked once if they knew what had become of me (at the time they didn't), so after we met they decided to tell him that we've been in contact, and have asked him how he feels about it. He has had a rather positive reaction (he said it was cool). They told him also that I've asked if I could write him a letter but it would only happen if he's fine with it and there's no pressure for him to say yes or to answer in any way. From what they told me he talked about it with friends and decided that he'd be OK with receiving a letter from me. I am currently writing one (to be exact I've written and torn up about thirty versions of it in the last few days) to first thank him for letting me contact him and tell him that I love him and I'm there for him if he has any question about me, why I couldn't raise him or anything. I write that he's under no obligation of any kind to answer or do or say anything, because I completely understand that from his point of view I'm a stranger and I'm not asking for anything from him, and I won't contact him in the future if he doesn't want me to, but I'll be there if he needs anything.
I'm incredibly thankful that things went so well and I finally have a chance to contact my son. Just a six months ago I wouldn't have dared hoping for such an outcome. I feel better now than I ever have, talking to my ex-wife has been incredibly comforting. I've been crying tears of relief every day for a few weeks, I wasn't aware that I needed it so bad. I feel whole for the first time in a very long time and typing this feels wonderful.
[Update 4](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/io9fhd/update_4_on_contacting_the_child_i_gave_up_for/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
Lots of things happened since my last update (people were asking and also it's been good to share it with you guys, after all it all happened because you helped me last year).
After discussing at long with my ex-wife and her husband I wrote a letter to my son. I made it short, just told him I was his bio dad and that as he had learn from his parents I had given him up for adoption because of some issues that I had. I told him a few things about my life, where I live, my job , my girlfriend and so on. I let him know that I was there if he wanted to write back or if he had any question about me, but if he didn't want to I would disappear from is life and not bother him any longer.
I waited about three weeks for an answer. It came under a form I had not been expecting. My son texted me one evening to say hello and wish me a happy new year. We exchanged a few texts, small talk but that meant a huge lot to me. I had left my phone number in my letter just in case, but I had imagined he would have written a letter if he wanted to talk to me. I had thought I would have time to think about my answer but with the texts I had to answer fast and not let my emotions overwhelm me. In the following weeks we exchanged texts a few more times. It's great because he's very direct and has no trouble asking me questions. He wants to know where I come from, he's asked things about my family and my childhood. That one is a bit hard because I have no family left and my childhood was a nightmare and I don't want him to be disturbed by that. I've left out the worst for now.
One day out of the blue he texted me that he'd like to meet me face to face (that was before the pandemic) because texting is OK but he'd like to see what I look like. I didn't expect that at all. I thought he'd want maybe to call or skype one day but I never imagined he would ask to meet me so soon. He said his parents were OK with it. I imagine they must have been saying good things about me if it prompted him to ask to meet me.
So we arranged for my son, his family and I to meet at a state park to do some hiking and a picnic together. At first I was very tensed and didn't know what to expect but the day went quite well (I even managed not to cry, even though I was sure I would). We had fun, we talked a lot, mostly about my son's hobbies, sports, school, well the things that matter into a teenager's life. He asked my about my job, where I live, my hobbies, even about my girlfriend. At no moment did we feel awkward, which had been a fear of mine. My son is smart and I could see that he has a good relationship with his parents and siblings and I'm very glad about that. They look like a loving and stable family which is what I hoped to be providing him with when I gave up my rights. We didn't speak in detail of the reasons why I had to give him up for adoption or the time when I wasn't doing well but I think it's as well for now. His mom told him about it a bit but not all the detail. We'll discuss it in the future if/when he wants to. We had a good day together and I feel really thankful for having been able to meet him. My son said he hoped we would meet again soon so he could get to know me better, which of course makes me very happy. I also hope that one day he can meet my girlfriend (soon to be wife!). The pandemic has kind of derailed that for now but we'll meet again soon I'm sure. In the meantime we still exchange texts regularly and skype from time to time.
I have set a trust fund for him that should help if/when he goes to college. I don't plan to have other kids and I can afford it so it's only fair, after all I brought him into this world so I feel it's my responsibility even if I didn't raise him. I hope we can build a relationship and maybe one day he'll invite my to his graduation, that's a dream of mine. We'll see how it goes. Meeting him has brought me a lot of joy and comfort. It gives me closure in a way, that's a very good feeling and I needed that. I know I'll need to navigate our relationship carefully but I feel confident that it will work and there's a lot more for us in the future.
---------
In OP's comments from 2 months ago:
In r/askreddit
"what's something someone told you when you were suicidal that actually helped a bit?"
I have a 15 yo son. When he was 2 his mom and I got a divorce, then she married someone else and I gave up my rights so my son could be adopted by his stepdad. I wasn't capable of taking care of him, and after giving up my rights I thought that he wouldn't miss me if I died. I had severe PTSD and depression and was doing very poorly and suicide really looked like the only way out. Some time later I made an attempt and ended up in the hospital. My friend came to visit me once and said that even if I saw no point in living I had to be there for my son. I told him that I hadn't seen my son in over a year and didn't expect to see him ever again and he wouldn't miss me because he wouldn't even remember me. My friend, who was really pissed at me for attempting to my life, told me, and these are his exact words "you fucking moron, what happens when your son grows up and asks who his bio dad is? He has the right to know who you are." Then the therapist at the hospital told more or less the same thing, that my son might have questions about me one day and it would be better for him if I was there to answer.
The years that followed weren't easy and I still felt like shit, but at least when I was feeling suicidal again I tried thinking about my duty to my kid and it helped fight the idea. It took years of therapy but I got a lot better, and even found purpose to my life. I recently met my son for the first time in 13 years and I'm so very grateful to be alive now.
In R/TwoXChromosomes
"As my SO was in the hospital with a debilitating stomach condition, the nurse told my SO, "You'll change your mind on having kids.""
People are so weird about that, and it feels like it never stops. I'm a 49 yo guy, I got married a few weeks ago to a woman that I love very dearly. A few people around us started to ask us when we would have kids. We said we won't. No way. My wife is 43, had a daughter when she was 16 and struggled to raise her as a single mom, now she wants to live, have a career and have time for fun. I have a son who was adopted by his step dad because I wasn't capable of raising him (so technically he's not my son anymore). Do I look like the kind of person who should have further kids?
Yet some people think it would be "cute" if we had a kid together and when we say no, they answer that we will feel the call at some point. One of my wife's acquaintances even told her to be ready because now I will ask her for a kid, "like all men do". I mean, WTF? We're both past 40, you'd imagine people would understand that we know what we want (or don't want)? | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/natnk0/dad_had_to_give_up_his_son_due_to_mental_health/ | natnk0 | 19,367 | 531 | [
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2021-05-13T00:15:52 | OP seeks legal advice after delusional neighbor bangs on their shared wall whenever OPs baby cries. Things escalate from there. | LegalAdvice | *The [original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/isdpid/delusional_neighbor_bangs_on_the_shared_wall_when/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) is on r/legaladvice by u/peachesnglitter*
**Delusional neighbor bangs on the shared wall when our baby cries and nothing can be done about it?**
I live in a duplex in Washington state with my husband and my son, who is only a few months old. My FIL owns half of the duplex and is renting it to us, and the other half is owned by an older woman and her adult daughter. My FIL has known the women for over fifteen years, and told us before we moved in that the daughter was mentally ill and had strong delusions on occasion that caused trouble with the previous tenants.
The last tenants apparently had to get a civil anti-harassment order placed against the daughter, but eventually moved out when the behaviors never stopped. Apparently the neighbor accused them of kidnapping and abusing their children, and abusing their dogs.
My husband and I brought our son home a few months ago, and we didn’t have any issues with the neighbor until about two weeks ago. She has begun banging on and throwing things at the walls when our son cries. She screams at us as well, but I usually can’t hear what she’s actually saying. You know. Over the screaming baby. And the two dogs going absolutely ballistic because of the banging. It’s absolute chaos and it has made my postpartum anxiety so much worse. Every time the baby cries I experience intense panic, waiting for the screaming and banging to start.
We have called the non-emergency police line twice when I can’t handle it anymore and feel close to a meltdown, and the first time they talked to her and she stopped doing it as often. Maybe once every two days. Tonight she is back at it and worse than ever. The air quality is so bad right now from the fires that I can’t let the dogs out for long to stop them from barking, and the barking makes the baby cry harder, which makes the neighbor scream and pound on the walls harder... the officer I spoke with says we can try to get a civil anti-harassment order placed, but he knew for a fact that her behaviors never stopped after the last tenants tried that and he said his unofficial advice would be to live somewhere else.
Is that seriously my only option? We can’t afford to move but I can’t keep living like this.
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/nayl5z/update_neighbor_bangs_on_shared_duplex_wall_when/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Update: Neighbor bangs on shared duplex wall when baby cries
My first post never got much attention but the outcome was pretty wild.
Short version: In October 2020, my husband and I were renting in a duplex where my FIL owned the half we lived in, and a separate family (adult daughter acting as caregiver to elderly mother) owned the other half. We brought our son home from the NICU in August, and towards the end of September the neighbor (40sF) started to pound on the shared wall if she could hear him cry. The pounding escalated over the next two months. The neighbor bought a megaphone to yell through the wall and threatened to “rip us apart”, she called us child predators, and she’d yell obscenities and threats until 3 or 4 in the morning.
The police were called multiple times, nothing could be done about it. One officer told us “I’m going to kill you. See, it doesn’t mean anything if I don’t actually do it.” The elderly mother hadn’t been seen in several months, but requests for wellness checks were brushed off.
The general advice I got was that as renters, we couldn’t do anything. It was also suggested that this was reasonable behavior, since the crying baby was probably really annoying.
Since my first post, we moved in with my grandmother for our safety. The neighbor ended up busting a softball sized hole through the shared wall to scream at us, and occasionally just stare at us. The smell that came out of the hole was indescribably bad. Our security cameras recorded her coming to my son’s nursery window at around 2am almost daily, just staring and holding her cat.
It took until the end of January for the police to be able to enter her property. The elderly mother had been deceased since at least June, and the daughter had the corpse dressed in her Sunday best, rotting in a dead bolted bedroom. The news article said the mother died from natural causes. The daughter was taken to an inpatient psychiatric facility. | PM_me_lemon_cake | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nb3l6z/op_seeks_legal_advice_after_delusional_neighbor/ | nb3l6z | 4,550 | 743 | [
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2021-05-14T03:28:30 | TIFU by accidentally ghosting great first date AND finding him after a week | TIFU | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/e6aso0/tifu_by_accidentally_ghosting_great_first_date/) on /r/TIFU by /u/mimibrightzola*
So last week I was in Korea and spontaneously decided to download Tinder a day before I was supposed to leave since I had no plans that day. Luckily I found a guy who was willing to meet up with me that day and we planned to meet for dinner in Seoul.
Then he told me he actually had plans at night but was willing to meet up for coffee. I agreed and we end up meeting a few hours later to grab a coffee. He pays for my drink and immediately we connect and talk for a very long time. He was super sweet and very attentive throughout the whole date. I was surprised that we shared many similar interests. He promised that when I visit Korea again, he'd show me around and made tentative plans. He repeatedly told me he wanted to meet again, which I took as a sign of interest. Since I was returning to Japan, I had no intention of continuing to use Tinder, so I asked for another way to contact him. Since we were in Korea, I figured he would have Kakao Talk (a Korean messaging app), so I suggested that I should add him on Kakao. First big fuckup. I added him on Kakao through his QR code, despite never using the app before. Then send a quick "hi" message and close the app. After that, I forgot about it and we quickly went back to chatting and banter.
Eventually, it came around time for dinner, but neither of us wanted to leave early, and since he had his commitment at 9:00 pm, he suggested we walk around and grab dinner. I agreed and we walked around the streets of Seoul to find a place to eat. We settled for street food and talked over dinner. This time, I paid for the meal, as a thank you for the coffee, and we head back to the station. But since neither of us wanted to depart, we made one last pitstop, and he decided to show me a Korean bookstore. We were supposed to end the date at 7:00 pm, but we kept on pushing it back as we found new things to discuss, until it reached almost 7:30. It was finally time to go, so we walked to the station together. He told me that he was very lucky to have met me and that I should call him when I reached my hotel safely. We agreed to keep in touch online.
We depart and I get on the train. My hotel was 1 hour and 30 minutes away by train, so 45 minutes in, I decided to spontaneously delete tinder. Since I had this guy on Kakao, it shouldn't have been a problem to delete Tinder right? Second fuckup. When I finally reached my hotel around 9 pm, I decided to open up Kakao Talk and message him. I look at our chat log and it was empty. I remember thinking "weird, I thought I messaged hi earlier", but I quickly dismissed it and tried to send another message. It didn't go through. So I tested another message, and it didn't work. Turns out, I'm partially banned from Kakao Talk because the number I registered with isn't associated with a carrier anymore. This means I can't send messages unless they send the first message. I quickly go into panic mode and try to contact him through other means. However, I deleted my Tinder account, which was my main way of contacting him.
So I thought that maybe I should make another Kakao Account with my Korean number and contact him through there. So I uninstall and reinstall Kakao Talk and create a new account. Third Fuckup. Clearly I wasn't thinking, because there was no way to re-add him since I don't have his Kakao ID. So I backtrack and tried to log in to my old Kakao Account and just wait for him to message me first. Immediately, I receive a popup notification "This account is temporarily disabled". I thought the ban only extended to messaging, but apparently, now I can't log in either. I messaged Kakao Support, and they said it would take several weeks to unban me if they don't find anything wrong.
Great, so now I guess I unwillingly ghosted my first date. I really put in the effort to contact him again by trying to find other social media, but to my avail, I had no luck. So I guess I will never be able to contact him again, and the whole date was just one big fever dream of my time in Korea.
**TL;DR** : Went on an awesome first date with a guy from Tinder while I was traveling in Korea. We had an immediate connection. I added him on a messaging service and prematurely deleted Tinder since I didn't want to use Tinder when I returned to Japan. I found out I was partially banned from that messaging service and locked myself out of my account. So there was no way to contact him again. Therefore, I unwillingly ghosted a guy I had great chemistry with.
**TL;DR 2** Can’t contact guy I went on a great first date with because I deleted tinder and messaging app doesn’t work.
**Edit**: clarifications. I deleted my Tinder account, I tried recreating an account, but he’s not there. I can’t rematch with him because I’m back in Japan now and I’m too far. He doesn’t have fb or instagram, I tried. And I don’t have a phone number (to save money while abroad in Japan), so I never asked for his.
**Edit 2**: Okay I contacted Tinder Support
**Edit 3**: Thank you to all the kind strangers offering to pay for a tinder gold subscription, but I will try to exhaust all my free options first. Plus I would feel bad accepting that kind of aid!
**Edit 4**: Tinder Support's response: *" After deleting your account, your account can't be restored but you can create a new account just by logging into Tinder again. If you've deleted your account, you won't be able to get your matches and messages back."* :(
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[** UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/e6sgxk/tifupdate_by_accidentally_ghosting_great_first/)
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Hi Reddit! As promised, here is a follow-up! I found him!
And ironically, Reddit had nothing to do with the reconnection, but I appreciate how sweet and supportive the Reddit community has been in trying to help me.
#So here's the full story:
I tried the GPS-spoofing Tinder hack so many of you suggested and was able to land my account in Gangnam, Seoul where I initially was when I matched with him. But to my dismay, I couldn't find him at all. I narrowed down my options to his age-range, but it still didn't work. My index finger was swiping left constantly, that I felt like a broken record. I swiped left on hundreds of guys until eventually, there were no more matches to be found.
So I finally decide to replay the entire date over again in my head and suddenly recall my date explaining how he signed up for a language exchange app to learn English and how he's an active member. I didn't recall the name of the app, but it was a total big-brained move that I didn't utilize the power bequeathed before my very hands, which was google. So now, with a million fewer IQ points, I search "language exchange apps popular in Korea" and was presented with a few options. Immediately one of the icons displayed looked very familiar! "That's the one", I thought, "that's the app that he showed me during our date". I rushed to the app store to download the app and impatiently fill out the prompts to create a new account. I selected the "want to learn Korean" and "want to teach English" options. Finally, I was done creating my profile. The app told me it would take up to 7 days to approve of my account, so I can start finding language exchange partners. Since this was my only lead left, I unwillingly played the waiting game.
An hour later, I receive a notification that my account was approved! I rushed to the app and nervously scanned the Korean profiles that popped up in my feed. There were profiles after profiles of teen girls with straight black hair and wispy bangs trying to emulate their favorite k-pop idol, or middle-aged guys with unflattering selfie angles, but none of them was the guy I was looking for. I was a bit dejected but found out that the premium subscription allowed me to search for specific users. I fidget around, trying to find my date from the free user's list, but was finding very little luck with that method. I caved in, shelling out the $20 for the premium subscription, justifying that it makes sense to pay for it because at least I'll get to practice speaking different languages. (although that was just an excuse to hopefully rekindle with him). Once my transaction was complete, I accessed the search bar and typed in his Tinder alias. My reasoning was that since his actual, Korean, name is so common (think John Smith), he wouldn't put it on the app. I held my breath, waiting for the results to show up... but no results were found. I was slightly disappointed but did not lose hope. Maybe by a stroke of luck, searching by his Korean name would work? I was doubtful, but grasping at whichever straws I had left. From past experience, searching up his Korean name on facebook gave me more than a hundred results, but none of them were him. I typed in his Korean name and pressed enter. I resumed holding my breath and prayed that this would work. The words "2 results" popped up on my screen. I frantically looked at the results. The first profile was a buff dude with a gnarly bleached blonde goatee. "Not my guy," I dismissed. Then I quickly glimpsed at the second profile and my eyes widened and my heart froze. It was him. It was the guy I so desperately tried to find this past week.
I clicked on his profile, but suddenly, my anxiety kicked in. What if I message him and he thinks I'm too desperate and is turned off? I panicked but forced myself to initiate a message anyways. Like what was I going to say? "Hey sorry for ghosting you for a week, are we gucci?" What if he's mad? What if he doesn't like me anymore? I took a deep breath to clear my mind and tried to articulately explain my situation in a few sentences. I repeatedly revised and deleted parts of my opening message before I finally decided to take the dive and hit send.
Then it was playing the waiting game again. One perk about being a premium member on this app was that you got to see when users are active. After a few minutes, the app said he was active right now. "Great", I thought optimistically, "he'll message me soon, and we'll clear up all misunderstandings". Minutes went by and he didn't respond. That's okay, maybe he's in a conversation with someone else... Several minutes turned into an hour, and one hour turned into two hours. My stomach churned. Maybe I really did FU by not being cautious enough with my messaging apps. I mean, what kind of sick psychological game was this, making me receive a taste of my own medicine?
Every time my phone buzzed with a notification from the language app, my ears perked up a bit. But it was always some middle-aged guy propositioning me for sex or a white dude with yellow fever trying to use the new pickup lines he learned in Japanese. Occasionally, I'd get a wholesome friend request from someone genuinely trying to learn English, but nevertheless, out of all the 32 messages I received, none were from my date. Yet, I gave him the benefit of the doubt from experiencing how overwhelming the app could be within those 2 hours. I changed my language exchange profile to exactly mirror my Tinder profile and put my language exchange profile on high visibility mode so that he would notice it. Suddenly, I got an influx of messages from various users in addition to the Reddit notifications from my previous TIFU. I couldn't stand it and temporarily muted all my notifications on my phone and headed to class for 4 hours. After class, I was ready to cut my losses and understood if my date didn't want to contact me again. However, I decided to open up the app after class and check my messages, not expecting anything to happen. But still, within me was a nestled hope, that he still wanted to reach out to me.
And there it was, nestled within all the other messages was an unread message from my date. Even though I said I was ready to cut my losses just a few minutes before, I couldn't help but squeal. I couldn't stop my smiling and did an excitement lap around the hallway outside my classroom. He seemed genuinely happy that I found him again and that he could keep in contact with me! I was jumping for joy on the way back home. We resumed our conversation from the week before as if nothing happened!
Later in the day, he called me (through the language app), and we talked about our crazy weeks. I'm just so glad to have found him again and talk to him about various topics. I don't need some crazy intense romcom-esque relationship, I'm just content with just keeping in contact and seeing what goes from there!
TL;DR: Found my date I accidentally ghosted on a language exchange app after relentless searching because my brain decided to remember something important.
I want to thank Reddit for putting the effort into helping me find the guy! Your support helped me gain the courage to take the extra step into searching for him <3
**Edit**: apparently the app I used doesn’t need premium to search for users. Fml, I’m out of $20
**Edit 2**: I THINK HE READ THE POST, HE’S ASKING ME ODDLY SPECIFIC QUESTIONS. ABORT
**Edit 3**: False alarm, he just added my alternate (non banned) Kakao account because apparently he literally has no other social media. We talked more and he said he was afraid I hated him after ghosting him LOL. He reconfirmed that he had a great time on our date! I decided to stop being a scared b*tch and told him I was glad to have met him again. We’re supposed to video call tomorrow! Yay | spacificNA | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nbz9xk/tifu_by_accidentally_ghosting_great_first_date/ | nbz9xk | 13,575 | 562 | [
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2021-05-14T13:03:22 | OP’s boyfriend (20M) filmed them having sex without his (17M) consent | Relationship_Advice | This is a repost. The original post is posted on r/relationship_advice by u/ThrowRA47728
*Tw: Rape; sexual assault*
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/n7vslg/boyfriend_20m_filmed_us_having_sex_without_me_17m/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
tl;dr: My boyfriend (20M) filmed us having sex without my (17M) consent and then proceeded to send the video to his friends. He keeps saying that I consented to it but I honestly don’t remember saying anything like that given I was drunk when it happened.
My boyfriend (20M) and I (17M) have been together for a sometime, and my boyfriend had been pushing for sex. We would hang out with his friends some times and he’d make comments that hinted at it.
I didn’t know if I was ready honestly, but I went along with it. We could consider it.
We were at his place a few nights ago, and I kinda got the feel that he was planning on initiating it. It started off pretty tame with just kissing. He offered me a few drinks, claiming it would get the edge off since I was honestly nervous. It was my first time, not his.
I remember telling him that I didn’t want to do it anymore, but he kept saying sweet things and telling me how much he wanted it. He propelled things forward without giving me the chance to say anything in response. I didn’t enjoy the sex when it happened, and I left his place the next morning.
I found out that he showed his friends a video he made of the entire encounter since they were texting me things that made me uncomfortable. I confronted him about this, and he basically said that I consented to making a sex tape when I didn’t even consent to the sex in the first place.
I honestly just don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I can tell my dad, not sure how he’d react to knowing what happened.
Edit: age of consent where I live is 16
**UPDATE:**
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/naeslu/update_boyfriend_20m_filmed_us_having_sex_without/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
tl;dr: I (17M) went to see my boyfriend (20M) again after the first post, we got into a fight and I left. I decided to talk to my dad and he wasn’t mad—just worried about me. I have a copy of the video and we’re thinking of getting a restraining order against him first.
Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/n7vslg/boyfriend_20m_filmed_us_having_sex_without_me_17m/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
I (17M) went to see my boyfriend (20M) again (I know I shouldn’t have), but I felt kind of guilty for being mad at him and didn’t want to believe that our relationship has always just been abuse.
He was at his apartment when I got there. I told him I was sorry about “overreacting” about the sex tape.
He apologized too, but still added in the fact that I consented to everything. He tried to kiss me again and wanted to have sex again. I told him I didn’t want to, but he got mad. He started yelling at me about not actually trusting him/believing him. He threw a glass at me (didn’t hit anything too major, so I’m okay). I went home after that since he basically kicked me out.
I decided to talk to my dad the next day about everything. I was nervous, but once I convinced myself that he could help it got a little easier.
I thought he’d be mad or something, but he was understanding throughout our conversation and didn’t blame any of it on me. He was worried about me and told me that we’d figure things out together.
I have a copy of the video and we’re thinking of getting a restraining order first just so he won’t be able to do any more harm than he already has. Thanks everyone <3
Edit: just wanted to add that my pronouns are he/him | starlightaquarius | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nc841g/ops_boyfriend_20m_filmed_them_having_sex_without/ | nc841g | 3,765 | 169 | [
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2021-05-14T18:25:42 | University student accidentally submits furry erotica instead of their final paper. | TIFU | [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/bgvmdp/tifu_by_submitting_hardcore_furry_erotica_instead/) by u/Donthitsubmit3.
&#x200B;
**TIFU by submitting hardcore furry erotica instead of my final paper.**
So, i'm currently a 4th year computer science student at a pretty respected university and was looking to graduate this semester. One of the classes I was taking was a class in modern advancements and trends in the field of technology. While the class didn't require to much heavy lifting it still was a higher level one and required a good amount of work. For our final, our professor had assigned us a 20-page research paper into a current or possible future technology of our choice within the field. I did my paper on helium-3 power generation. I worked my ass off on this paper and in the end was super proud of it. The papers were due last night at midnight and I held off on submitting my final draft till the end to get it as clean as possible. This is where I fucked up big time.
Let me tell you a little about myself. I don't work a normal job. I tried it in my first year of school and I really didn't like it. I've worked internships when they came up but outside of that I really didn't “work”. This and being a student really doesn't mix well though. So, I had to make money some way. For the past 3 years I've gotten by on writing hardcore erotica on commission. Specifically, for furries. I would write anything. Any fetish, any premise, anything. In some parts of that community I became really popular. At one point I was making almost 2500$ on patreon along with the amounts I charged to my customers. Am I proud of this? No. I have written some really disgusting stuff; but it paid the bills and the money was too good to pass up. I told myself the minute I got a “real” job I was cutting and running from this work.
Well, this brings us to last night. I had not gotten any sleep for the past few nights. I had multiple projects due that in the span of a few days. I was running on nothing but coffee and rockstar. I was nothing more than a walking corpse and wanted to do nothing but sleep. I ended up doing my last read over of my final paper and submitted it before sleeping. However, instead of submitting my final paper, I somehow submitted one of the commissions I was working on. This commission is not light either. It is almost 10 pages long and contains a variety of things including vore and scat.
So, I went to bed. Submissions for the final locked and my academic career was sentenced to death then and there. When I woke up this morning I checked my grades for my other classes before noticing an email from my professor, all it says was to come to his office after class today.
I want to fucking die right now. I don't know how I'm going to explain why instead of my final I submitted a hard core erotic story with a wolf man jacking off in a dragons stomach. But yeah, I fucked up big time.
Tl:Dr: In my final semester at college. Instead of submitting my final research paper, I submitted hardcore furry erotica someone paid me to make. Professor “want's to talk” and I want to die.
obligatory update:
Well, I just left his office and I still want to die. Not as much though. I took some advice from here and printed my paper out and had it with me. I won't lie, When I sat down with him I was already almost in tears from the stress and embarrassment. I guess he picked up on that because he tried to be as nice as possible and told me to calm down and just explain what happened.
I ran down pretty much everything I said here. While he didn't agree with the avenue I was taking to make money he understood why I was doing it.
He had checked the submissions last night after the deadline and my submission's name stuck out immediately (it was along the lines of "Customer\_Commission\_2nd draft.doc"). I've taken a class from him before and was an A student so he guessed I had submitted the wrong file on accident. He told me he read the first page and "realized it probably wasn't meant for him to read".
I gave him the copy I brought and he accepted it. He told me to email him the file and he would replace the one I had submitted and that we would "pretend this never happened." He seemed to at least have a good sense of humor as he told me that what I had originally submitted was "well written at least" from what he read.
Like I said. I still want to fucking die right now. At least he understood that i'm just an idiot and not malicious . Thanks I guess for the advice and helping me through the nervous breakdown. | MissBarker93 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ncfeif/university_student_accidentally_submits_furry/ | ncfeif | 4,602 | 668 | [
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2021-05-15T00:00:06 | Vegan makes her boyfriend choose between her and his cat. Boyfriend chooses the latter. | Relationship_Advice | [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hu9xlv/my_22m_vegan_girlfriend_21f_wants_me_to_get_rid/) by [u/throwRA78wdhsg](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwRA78wdhsg/)
# My (22M) vegan girlfriend (21F) wants me to get rid of my cat
I can't believe I'm about to type this but here we go.
I've been dating my GF for 7 months. She's amazing and we're super compatible in a lot of ways. She is an outspoken vegan, and she made it clear at the start of our relationship that it was important to her that any potential had similar cruelty-free values. Me, already being a pescatarian, had little difficulty transitioning to a fully plant based diet. My GF was proud of me for going cruelty free and everything seemed well. We became "the vegan couple" on our college campus.
Then there is my cat, Mittens... I've had her for three years and I adore her. She's such a sweet and cuddly cat. However, my GF was always a little apprehensive around her, and she blamed it on not growing up around cats. After a while we sort of made a tacit agreement to mostly hang out at her apartment instead of mine, so Mittens never really came up again in conversation.
Fast forward through all the quarantine stuff... My gf and I have spent a lot of time together during this pandemic and we've started talking about taking our relationship to the next level. We began seriously looking at either buying a new apartment together or having one of us move in with the other.
However, after a lot of talking and planning, my GF sat me down and dropped a bomb shell on me. She said that with this next phase of the relationship, she did not see a future with me unless I was willing to give away Mittens. She said that she believed owning a cat is unconscionable for vegans, because they hunt mice and eat meat, and because the very act of owning a pet is a violation of vegan principles.
I was stunned. I told her that I was absolutely not willing to give up Mittens, and she had no choice but to eat meat so I was reducing harm as much as possible by buying reputable brands of cat food. Plenty of vegans own cats and think along those same lines. My gf got mad and said "how much flesh does your cat eat? How many animals died to make all that food? Would you be okay with that being human flesh?"
I got mad and told my GF that I would have really appreciated her telling me about her cat opinions before we got serious. She went on and on about cats killing animals. I ended the conversation there. I was so angry that I left my gfs apartment. And I snuggled with Mittens when I got home! Although the mood soured a bit when my GF sent me a link to a Reddit thread advocating for the extinction of domestic cats. Sigh
I think it goes without saying that I am not going to get rid of my cat. However, it pains me to think that an otherwise wonderful relationship could be ending because of a difference in ideology. I don't even really understand where my GF is coming from because like I said, a lot of vegans own cats. Now granted, cat ownership can be a controversial topic in vegan circles and I probably would not have gotten a cat if I had been vegan at the time, but I have Mittens now, and she deserves to eat. (Yes, I've researched vegan cat food, but Mittens has some digestive issues and my vet strongly cautions against it.)
I've talked to some of my vegan and vegetarian friends and they all think my gf has lost her mind. Some have suggested that it's not about Mittens and my gf just wants an excuse to end it. They probably don't understand why I haven't broken up yet, but I care about my GF so much. I'd hate for this bizarre curve ball to be the end of a beautiful thing. I want to try and work something out.
Where do I even go from here? I will not compromise on Mittens and I don't think my GF will compromise either.
Edit: wow, this completely blew up while I was asleep. I am trying to read every comment but there are a lot. Also, please allow me to take this moment to reiterate that my GFs views are not representative of those held by the wider vegan community!!
&#x200B;
[UPDATE:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hxuhig/my_22m_vegan_girlfriend_21f_wants_me_to_get_rid/)
First of all, let me say thank you for everyone who offered advice. There are over 7,000 comments on my original post and I have dozens of PMs. Frankly I'm still pretty overwhelmed with the magnitude of the response. I did my best to read most everyone's comments but obviously I couldn't get to everything!
I would also like to preempt this post by saying, as many users pointed out, that my GFs extreme views on domestic cats are not representative of the vegan/vegetarian community as a whole. I do think that, sometimes, new vegans can be a little overzealous. In reality, most of us are just doing the best that we can to not hurt animals! I did not expect to generate a big debate in the comments.
So, we broke up, obviously. I would never, ever give up my cat Mittens. Many users said that this situation was about control, not veganism, and looking back, I do see a pattern of control on my GFs part. I was blind to it I guess.
I called my GF and said I was not willing to give up Mittens under any circumstances, and given the recent issues we'd had, and our incompatible views, I thought it was best that we parted ways. I said she deserved a partner that shared her values. She then asked if we were breaking up, I said yes. There was some anger on her end but otherwise the situation actually went better than I expected.
So, yeah. That's really it.
Oh, and several users did ask to see a picture of Mittens. I have uploaded one to imgur:
[https://imgur.com/a/WxOk6qG](https://imgur.com/a/WxOk6qG)
Thanks again to everyone who offered advice. It really helped. | MissBarker93 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ncmf6a/vegan_makes_her_boyfriend_choose_between_her_and/ | ncmf6a | 5,827 | 411 | [
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2021-05-15T03:40:17 | My MIL almost killed my daughter. Now I'm spending mothers day in the hospital. (/r/JUSTNOMIL) | null | [deleted] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ncq0o1/my_mil_almost_killed_my_daughter_now_im_spending/ | ncq0o1 | 9 | 59 | [
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2021-05-15T04:10:25 | My MIL just threw out all of my groceries. Grocery stores are out of stock and I'm losing my mind. (/r/JUSTNOMIL) | null | [deleted] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ncqgtv/my_mil_just_threw_out_all_of_my_groceries_grocery/ | ncqgtv | 9 | 166 | [
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2021-05-15T18:23:52 | OP Truly Eff'd By Setting His Wi-Fi Hotspot To "Bomb Detonator" | TIFU | [Original Post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/8lmwjd/tifu_by_setting_my_wifi_hotspot_to_bomb_detonator/)
TIFU by setting my wifi hotspot to "Bomb Detonator"
Title says most of it. I was at a tech conference today. I like to broadcast random WiFi hotspot names to mess with people and after the recent story about the Planet Fitness I thought it would go over well as a joke. I mean, who hasn't seen "FBI Surveillance Van" as a network?
Holy fuck. Do not do this!!!
Cops got called. I got to spend about 45 minutes chatting with them. They asked a lot of questions. They had to make sure I'm not a threat. I cooperated fully. I have no doubt being a white guy at a nerd gathering probably helped. I was told I wasn't being charged. I was, however, told to leave by the venue and not come back.
Flash forward two hours and I go to log into my work email on my phone. Huh. Password failed. Huh, again. Ok, let's not fat finger this and lock the account. Pull out the laptop, remote into my work PC. Go to log in. "Your account has been disabled. Contact your systems administrator."
20 minutes later I get the text message.
"You are being placed on paid administrative leave effective today 5/23 while the agency investigates today’s events surrounding you being removed from the <venue>. You are not to complete any work, access agency networks or report to the office during your leave. We will contact you when the investigation is complete."
tl;dr: Immature joke kills career, film at 11.
EDIT: Thank you for the influx of comments and messages. Most of you are right, I am a fucking idiot. One doesn't come to r/TIFU to brag about the good shit they've done. No matter what you say, I'm trying to keep up. You're helping me cope.
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/8n3b0c/tifu_by_setting_my_wifi_hotspot_to_bomb_detonator/)
tl;dr: My, now former, employer terminated me.
Slightly longer version: I received my termination letter and personal effects by registered mail and was provided a certified letter envelope to return company property with, which I have already sent out. The essence of the letter was,
"You're being terminated because of that screw up. Here's the part of the company manual that told you not to do something like that. Give us our stuff back or get no last paycheck."
So let's get the basics out of the way. I have, from the beginning, accepted that this is wholly my fault. I meant it in jest. I thought I was so obviously past the line of Poe's Law that I would simply give the other guests a humorous story to tell. It's a running joke to have WiFi with something like "FBI Surveillance Van." I wanted only that. Something for the other guests to chuckle over. Be careful what you wish for, you dumb shit. What do they say about hindsight? Half of the world knows this story now. We'll get to that in a minute.
I wanted my post to serve as a warning to others. I received several notes from people who had considered doing the same or similar with one guy even planning it for the next day, and stopped because of my post. That is enough. Yes we've already agreed I'm a screwup (or some variation), so let's skip that this time. I'd say take it back to the previous post but that got locked. I mean, seriously, I just pissed away a 9 year career and the world saw it happen. Again, we'll get to that.
To the one guy who wished I'd get AIDS, you gotta put some work into it, dude. "Haha I hope you get AIDS," is not enough. You have to wish, at the very least, that I pick up a heroin addiction and get AIDS in a hobo camp. Creativity. Seriously, kids these days.
I'm pretty much begging, please do not turn this into another episode of "Reddit solves mysteries." A lot of things were said in the previous post that will allow you to infer a fair amount. Yes, it was public sector. Please leave it at that. I have already shamed my employer within its own circles. There is no good reason to publicly shame them by linking them to me. I have not represented them or their values with my behavior. Please don't dox me. Thank you.
A lot of you expressed concern for my well being, some long after the thread was locked. I appreciate that more than you will ever know. You helped me get through when my support system, conveniently /s, happened to be at its lowest and it was a true pleasure to see the orange icon every time.
Now, about that "half of the world" crack. There's fucking up. There's really fucking up. There's fucking up in public. And thennnnnnnn, there's 3rd place on the bloody front page. What in the People's Republic of Hell is going on around here? I was only expecting a dozen upvotes, 5 comments of "haha, what a moron!" and maybe one supportive comment that got downvoted past the threshold.
Somehow I ended up on Facebook feeds of people in New Zealand and one of my friends from Seattle heard his coworkers talking about it. I had two former coworkers from years back text message me out of nowhere to get more details.
There's something darkly humorous and possibly ironic that the biggest mistake in my adult life practically turned into a meme. I'm unemployed, why don't I make it for you?
So now it's on to processing this, filing for unemployment (if I'm even eligible), touching up my resume and cover letters, and starting to rebuild. Don't even get me started on the insurance debacle to come. I'd say this is the last update, but if I get a positive reaction from a future employer about this story I'll let you know. | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nd568g/op_truly_effd_by_setting_his_wifi_hotspot_to_bomb/ | nd568g | 5,552 | 370 | [
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2021-05-16T03:40:15 | I Hid My Wheelchair From My Stepsister “Who Needs It” + UPDATE | r/JUSTNOFAMILY | [ORIGINAL](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/comments/nbcya3/i_hid_my_wheelchair_from_my_stepsister_who_needs/) by [Turtlefanatics](https://www.reddit.com/user/Turtlefanatics/)
I (17f) have misaligned hips causing a lot of pain whenever I walk for distance without the assistance of a wheelchair or cane. I usually only use the cane when I’m going to the mall with my friends since it is annoying to maneuver in the wheelchair, but I much prefer the chair since it allows for a pillow on my bad hip.
This brings me to when my mom yesterday (I’m going to her house this weekend) called me to explained that my stepsister (18f) has torn her ACL and needs to use my wheelchair after her surgery. I don’t have an malice to my step siblings, but mom had married my step dad right before COVID hit and I’ve been stuck at my father’s house during the lock down. Before that I’ve only met them a handful of times.
The issue I have is that the weekend she is planned on coming home is the same day that a group of friends and I are going on a colonial tour around the city for my birthday. When I asked if she could just ask the doctor for one or crutches for that matter, mom said it would come out of pocket since her insurance won’t cover it (my father’s plan covers mine as a child).
I told her that stepsister can have my cane, but I’m going to need my wheelchair since the tour was a whole day of walking. Mom got annoyed and stared to sigh while shaking her head no like I wasn’t understanding. She said that I can use the cane, but the wheelchair was going to my stepsister. Or I could reschedule for another weekend - which would most likely never going as there aren’t any refunds nor enough money to pay for another tickets that I had to pay with my own money.
I said the last part was fine (seeing as it was on my birthday weekend and not on the day) but she would have to pay for our tickets for us to go again. She scoffed and said that it that it could cost more than buying a pair of crutches. I tried to explain that it would still be cheaper than buying a new wheelchair like mine. But she just kept shutting down saying that my stepsister will be getting the wheelchair for the weekend and for me to make do with the cane. The argument getting to the point of her ending it with “I’m not asking, I’m telling” hanging up on me without saying another word.
I admit that I was feeling a little bit spiteful so the other day I asked my friend if I could store my wheelchair in the back of her trunk for the trip. I was planning on just going to her house after the trip even before she called. Me playing dumb is the best plan, saying I forgot or something.
It didn’t help my mood that when I was looking up prices for crutches and the prices that she was looking at were for brand new ones rather than going on second hand sites for ones a quarter of the price. When I tried to screenshot some of them and send them to her, she simply replayed “we already have the wheelchair so it’s fine.”
I feel like a butthole for hiding my chair but this will be the first time in a few years that I’m actually celebrating my birthday and I don’t wanna spend the whole time either in pain or resenting my stepsister the whole time for making me lose a lump some of money I had to work overtime for. Either way I’m going to be agitated because mom won’t listen to any of my suggestions or see things from my point of view.
— Edit 1 - spelling and clarification/small update
I didn’t know this would blow up! Thank you for reading :) I can’t explain how amazing it is, for real.
I’ll have to reply to a few comments when I get home from school, but to give a few points:
-yes I’m turning 18 next week after stepsister’s surgery.
-I did point out both Amazon and CVS $40 crutches to mom before, but I just go the “we already got your wheelchair” answer.
-I asked why she’s so set in having my wheelchair this morning and she replied that stepsister is saying she doesn’t WANT crutches, she wants my wheelchair due to all the padding and extra stuff I’ve added to it over the years. ...that really got under my skin and I haven’t spoken to her since. I’m having a long sit down with dad when we get home so Im mental preparing for the fallout. (This all happened yesterday and I’ve yet to speak with my dad about it.)
———————
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/comments/nddgp2/update_i_hid_my_wheelchair_from_my_stepsister_who/)
I did wanna give one last thanks an big ol’ air hug to everyone who either commented or upvoted (over 2k?? Y’all about to make a wheelchair kid cry).
Thank you for the happy birthdays too!! /I sure I won’t forget this one anytime soon :’)/
I was going to reply to a few comments but I kinda got lost in the sauce with the 200+ comments so I apologize for the that! I wanted to wait until after this weekend to give some one details instead of me just saying: “I blocked her” and boy, did it deliver.
————-
I’ll be the first to admit that I’m an idiot sandwich.
After the reading all the comments I was going to speak to my dad about the whole situation. But me being me, I simply said that stepsister was getting her surgery then mom won’t have time for me to hang with her. I also asked if he would be fine with me staying the weekend since I’ll be gone all day with my friends and they were even talking about getting dinner afterwards. No use going to mom’s house who’s house is 3 hours the opposite way.
I had a lot of fun during the tour, it was amazing really. My friends kept doing rotations of who would push me since people would push me foreword for the best view. To anyone who is apprehensive about doing stuff like this with a visible disability (wheelchair, cane, guide dog, etc.) I couldn’t express how fun it was both during the door and the restaurant. I use to have the mentality that I was always in people’s way, I was use to the stares and such with my cane, but having my friends showing up with a small cape for the back and other small trinkets really gave me some confidence - and if I ran into anything I could blame it on the person driving.
The idiot sandwich came to when I was on my way home and I got a slightly livid phone call from dad. He said that that mom had been trying to call me all day, I had blocked her number since the other day, and said that both mom and stepdad were at the house asking for the wheelchair since “I had promised to give it to them”. When I clarified that mom had said that she wanted to use it, but I told her about the trip so I couldn’t allow her to borrow it.
By the time I got home, Mom and stepdad were already gone and dad was waiting on the porch. Smoking cigarette, which meant that he was very stressed out. My friend asked if I needed help packing my wheelchair into my car. I said no since its harder to yell at a person inside of wheelchair.
He found it funny, dad didn’t.
Dad said that he told me that he told mom to buzz off. She tried to use the “it’s my kid” logic, but it doesn’t really work since I was already 4 hours away anyway. She then proceed to just threw a tantrum In our front lawn, throwing herself in the floor and crying (It really doesn’t surprise me at this point). Stepdad just gathered her up into their car and they left shortly afterwards. Quite the show from what dad said, even some of our neighbors came out to see what the fuss was about.
I haven’t heard anything from her since I’ve gotten home. But I did get a random long paragraph text from what seemed POV of a kicked dog, saying “how could you do this to me” and “I thought we were family”. Not sure if it’s from my mom or stepsister. I’ve since blocked the number as well, I really don’t care at this point.
Dad is still angry (more agitated) at me for not telling the whole truth. But seeing as it’s my birthday soon, I don’t see him stay angry for too long.
As for go NC with my mom, it’s still up in the air. It’s a lot easier to say “don’t ever talk to her again” especially when I see others with their moms. But I guess it’s time that I see her for who she is - rather than what I want her to be...
—
edit: spelling
Authors note: It’s nice to know that others have a strained relationship with their moms Everyone I know is pretty close with their parents so i often found myself trying very hard to have the same relationship.
I’ve since gone over the video in our “ring” to see what happened. Although you can’t see what’s happening, you can definitely hear mom screaming over anyone who tires to tell her to either leave or calm down. She also demanded to see me, that’s when my dad told her to buzz off which set off the tantrum. Would be funny if it was in a compilation somewhere on YouTube, but just sad at this point.
As for my dad being angry - he came in this morning asking what we’re doing for my bday breakfast. He is use to my mom being a little bit out there. I’ve since showed him my post and he told me about some old wounds that I’ve forgotten about.
I.e. Mom had gone on a camping trip with her boyfriend at the time during the week she was supposed to have me (50/50 custody). She didn’t call dad until 3 days later, saying she wasn’t getting a signal. She still didn’t come to get me until the next switch. I didn’t really want to go, but it still hurt as a kid waiting in the car for your other parent to just no show up. Dad dragged her back to court to get primary custody - if you know anything about family court, a father getting that is pretty hard to get. | red_earaches | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ndfmuw/i_hid_my_wheelchair_from_my_stepsister_who_needs/ | ndfmuw | 9,526 | 691 | [
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2021-05-17T17:26:00 | Guys Mom Goes To Mexico To Meet Her LDR Boyfriend & Goes Missing | r/assistance | [Originally posted in r/assistance ](https://www.reddit.com/r/Assistance/comments/jvekel/please_i_really_need_help_i_havent_heard_of_my/)
Please I really need help • I haven’t heard of my mom in 14 hours and she’s by herself in Mexico, something is very very wrong
Hi everyone, I have never posted on a subreddit before so I’m unsure how to start but I really need help on how to proceed right now. I will attempt to be straight to the point:
My mom went to Mexico City exactly 8 days ago to meet up with this guy she’s been chatting with online for roughly 3 months, I couldn’t go because my passport process wasn’t complete and she couldn’t hold on for a few weeks so she decided to go by herself. I had her location tracked, and told her to be sure to ask for wifi wherever she went. I urged her to be careful as hell. She left the hotel she was staying in by herself in Mexico City last Tuesday and went to Veracruz with this guy to stay in a different hotel together. She FaceTimed me daily and 85% of the time had connection because of wifi or local coverage.
Fast forward to last night, she’s back near Mexico City in a place called Tizayuca and says she’s going to eat with him and other people she just met basically. 2 hours later, she FaceTimes me and she’s flat-out drunk and shows me shows me something weird on the floor that I could not make out and they’re yelling back and forth at each other. She claims that they don’t want her to talk to me and only focus on me, and she begs me to push the flight up from Sunday to tomorrow, so I did that. He insults her repeatedly and then insults me on the phone and then she insults him back, he keeps pushing her and cornering her and launches a punch/hit at her face and her phone goes flying across the room. The two other people are simply sitting at the table and laughing it off and she grabs her phone and exits the house but I’m telling her not to or the connection will be lost. She doesn’t hear me and she’s yelling in the street asking for someone to call the police in Spanish.
I’m just sitting on the call trying to figure out wtf is happening and tell her to calm down but she’s not paying attention to me. The call drops and I haven’t heard of her since, none of my messages have been delivering since 1am yesterday morning. If she went back in the house, surely the wifi would’ve reconnected and they would have delivered. They haven’t and I’m incredibly worried, her location has also dropped off the map and Google location claims she was last seen OVER 36 hours ago. Find my iPhone won’t play a sound unless there’s connection and there hasn’t been for also 36+ hours. I’ve tried a million times to reach her, nope. I told my mom that in case anything happens she can repeatedly press the side button for an emergency call but that didn’t go thru her mind. The behavior in that house was extremely off based on the call, the energy just didn’t feel right from the start.
I called 911 right after the call dropped and they connected me with another place where they connected me with another place. Sadly I don’t have the address or even a street name to provide because this was a grid neighborhood in a run down part miles outside of Mexico City in a town called Tizayuca. I contacted 911 again but dead end, I keep reaching higher levels of assistance now.
I know the guy’s name, number, Facebook and have a photo of his ID for safety reasons so I know who exactly he is but there’s no address on the ID.
My mom doesn’t know when the flight leaves for Tuesday, she only asked me to reschedule it ASAP. I did, but she won’t be able to see any Delta notifications since her phone has been unreachable for a while now. She has no idea when the new flight is set to leave, I postponed it for Thursday now in case she’s found within the next day.
My question is: what now? 😭 I’m a 19 year old guy in New York by the way, I’ve never been to Mexico and wouldn’t know how anything works. My Spanish is generally shitty speaking wise but I understand it perfectly. Theres too many scenarios are racing thru my head. Please if someone can give me advice on what to do next.
I’m sorry if there’s typos in here.
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UPDATE 1: I did contact the Embassy and they were very very helpful, asked me for a lot of info and they got a hold of the police near the town she was in after a few hours. They called me just now and claim that my mom and that guy left the house a few minutes after everything happened and he “drove her to the airport”. The police and others on the 4-way call questioned this because they were all drinking. They told me they’ll contact back in 15 mins because they want to confirm the plates to the car or something. I’m happy the woman who spoke with the officers said some small tip but it adds more questions in my head because that’s them alone in 1 car.
Update 2: The team of 2 people and the officer on the phone who’ve been helping me most of the way told me they have the car’s plate numbers because of a cctv screenshot and put a tab on it so they can be on the lookout for it. They also are contacting all the nearby hotels in Mexico City and looking for either her or his name at check ins I believe. But he explained to me it’s now a waiting game and have to hope that news shows up at this point. The lucky thing is they have plate numbers but it wasn’t a cab and her phone hasn’t synced for almost a day. Surely she’d have wifi and a charger with her if she had arrived at a hotel already :(
Update 3 @ 5am over a day after: I just checked with Delta on the phone even after checking online and seeing that she hasn’t checked in for her flight due in a few hours. I probably have to push the flight further down another day or two because Delta didn’t tell me much. -> Also I did find this guys Facebook which seems kinda sketchy, his number was on it, so I got his WhatsApp and noticed he was online much recently. I forwarded all of this and the picture of his ID I asked my mom to send me earlier in the day to the man helping me from the Embassy. It’s mostly a waiting game now. No signs showing my mom’s phone as turned on or had service since the call dropped last night. I have to sleep and I have work but now idk if I should go incase I miss any call
Update 4, 36 hours later: Um long story short, I filled out a missing persons questionnaire for review and I got the license plate number, make and model etc. I think I’m doing a good thing right now, my moms co worker took me to my local precinct but that was a very big dead end. They are considering I should hire a PI for this now but the man who’s been in touch w me hourly form the Mexican Embassy is telling me they’re looking and will get in touch with me on an update by midday, right now it’s 11:30am. ☹️ I hate to say it but there’s no positive updates right now, the hole is deepening and no signs of any activity on Find my iPhone, Gmail tracking, cannot play an emergency noise because the phone isn’t connected to internet and no calls go thru. I really hope the day ends with some positivity because right now I’ve almost exhausted most of my abilities to move forward.
UPDATE 5: Guys my mom is okay, good news but also basic news: she FaceTimed me and said she had no service, etc etc the Embassy personnel were in the house as well as the officers checking once again and found her in the same spot she was in 2 days ago. They interviewed her privately and pressured her to spill whatever truth there was but she stuck with the idea that it was a drunk fight and a misunderstanding but I’m not happy one bit. They questioned why does she have connection now but she didn’t yesterday and she couldn’t even respond to that, I’m honestly so exhausted with her and even her co-worker and I spoke about the fact that she needs to grow up because she still insists on her flight departing on Sunday. I’m not sure how to FEEL with her staying over there for the original 5 extra days and if I have now “cancelled” my report and something DOES happen within the next 5 days, it’s going to look like I’m just crying wolf. This was just exhausting and I don’t think she understands the amount of stress she put people in but she insisted she’s fine, she told me she’s fine. I keep trying to convince her and even made up an excuse that I can’t switch the flight anymore or I’ll have to pay out of pocket money and it’s like she doesn’t seem to care. She told me she wants to come home and just forget everything ever happened as well as this guy but I’m not convinced that’s gonna be the case and it annoys me because I know what I saw. I’m just happy she’s okay I guess, everything seems to be okay. Officers took a photo of her for verification, even made her show her body to make sure there’s no bruising etc and I even had to speak to them in Spanish which somehow my Spanish sounded fluent for once. By the way, my mom is Mexican so she communicated with them perfectly but she doesn’t know any direct family there since she’s been in the US for the past 20+ years.
Final few notes: I just want to thank everyone for investing so much time and help into this, I used Reddit as a last resort after a few hours and it ended up giving me multiple ideas that turned out being so so useful. Sorry for worrying everyone here but I’m not happy with the results as a whole that much and just want her to come home because the fact that she wants to stay an extra few days isn’t sitting right with me, trust me, her being alive and clearly safe/comfortable makes me feel relieved but.. idk what to think. I appreciate each and every one of you and sorry for not answering messages cause I was busy most of the day. I was about to start making a whole gofundme for a PI but it won’t be necessary now but I’m genuinely so warmed by everyone going out of their way to check themselves and even offer help ❤️
Update 6: She’s coming home tomorrow Thursday instead of Sunday now, I think she woke up this morning with some brain cell growth so thank God I didn’t make any flight changes.
Update 7: She’s home :) and we’re all good now cause we talked it out and she’s sorry and explained to other people I told and they told her not to do that and leave someone hanging etc. But she’s home, so thank you everyone | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nem9gd/guys_mom_goes_to_mexico_to_meet_her_ldr_boyfriend/ | nem9gd | 10,329 | 593 | [
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2021-05-17T20:00:55 | OP’s nut allergy is taunted by new work team, boss is no help | AskAManager | Hope this hasn’t been posted! This sub got me into the Ask a Manager blog and I came across this today.
[original Ask a Manager post](https://www.askamanager.org/2020/10/my-new-team-is-taunting-me-because-i-have-a-nut-allergy.html): my new team is taunting me because I have a nut allergy
I have a nut allergy and carry an epipen. It’s never been an issue in the 12 years I’ve worked for my company.
I have recently been promoted to a new department. As usual, I explained to the manager I have a nut allergy but it doesn’t effect anything (i.e., it’s not an airborne allergy), first aiders are aware (and always available), and my epipen is located in my drawer if needed. I said I was only letting him know as sometimes I don’t join in team buffets/bake-offs and don’t want to appear rude.
The manager sent out an email to the entire department banning nuts of any kind in the office because (my full name) is allergic. I was mortified and hastily explained there was no need for that and it’s not that kind of allergy — I’m only ill if I eat them, not if other people do. The manager refused to withdraw or clarify the email and declared the whole department is now nut-free.
When I asked why, he said it’s company policy that if anyone has an allergy, the allergen is banned from the department and he can’t change it. I explained that in 12 years this has never been the case. I asked him to withdraw the email and explained again the reasons it was not necessary. He refused, saying his decision was final and it will not be changed — he’s “not getting sued for something like this” — and literally walked away from his desk.
Since his email went out, there have been a lot of snide comments like “ooh, I would love a peanut butter sandwich but thanks to you-know-who I can’t” … “All these people with made-up allergies looking for attention” … and “Here comes the fun police” when I walk past.
It’s been a month and it’s escalating. Every day this week, I’ve came in to mini Snickers bars lined up along my keyboard. Everyone denies responsibility. I’ve tried to just laugh it off, but it’s starting to really affect me.
The change of department is a promotion and I was so excited to learn and develop new skills, but I want nothing more than to go slinking back to my old position where the staff were lovely. I’m worried if I do ask to transfer back to my original department and pay grade, I will be passed over for future promotions for being flaky and unreliable. Is it even possible to apply for a demotion? What can I do?
[update Ask a Manager post](https://www.askamanager.org/2021/02/update-my-new-team-is-taunting-me-because-i-have-a-nut-allergy.html):
I just wanted to say a massive thank you for your advice. I genuinely was going to quit a job that I have been in for years and that I love over it. Your advice and comments from readers gave me the confidence to tackle it.
I did approach HR, who advised me to speak to my boss if I felt I was being bullied. Obviously that wasn’t feasible as the boss was fully aware of what was going on.
I scheduled a meeting with the head of site who is second-in-command to the CEO and laid out everything that been happening — the bullying, but also the toxic environment.
I was promoted to implement training and coaching because the department wasn’t performing and it was having a knock-on effect on other departments and ultimately customers. He wasn’t aware of any of the issues with the department — it’s a small department which has flown under the radar for years.
He promised me the situation would be investigated and to log every single incident in an email to him personally. I felt incredibly stupid having to send email after email listing the many incidents that occurred. But I logged everything.
He came in personally one morning to catch the person putting the nuts on my desk. She was fired instantly. It was the boss’s right-hand woman who believed she should have got the promotion not me, and this was her attempt to make me leave.
The boss was suspended pending investigation. It turns out that for the last four years, he has not been doing any paperwork — return to works, 1:1’s, PDP, CPD’s, nothing. During the investigation, they also looked into staff turnover and there have been numerous accusations of bullying which have been ignored and a high number of staff have quit. He resigned last week before they could fire him, and I know it’s unkind but I’m absolutely thrilled!
It’s been hard work making changes within the department. There has been some pushback and major changes have needed to be made. Two staff have quit because they now actually need to perform. But we have two staff from different departments and a new manager who are all incredible. The head of site has been incredibly humble about it, which I did not expect. He apologized and acknowledged this should have been picked up years ago and assured me that going forward the business will be putting more measures in place to ensure it can’t happen again. | ninjasandcravings | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/neq86z/ops_nut_allergy_is_taunted_by_new_work_team_boss/ | neq86z | 5,037 | 712 | [
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2021-05-18T08:35:25 | OP's husband became a robot during the pandemic and she doesn’t know how to help him, comes to Relationship_Advice for help. | Relationship_Advice | *This is a repost. The* [*original post*](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hlgv6r/my_32f_husband_36m_became_a_robot_and_i_dont_know/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) *was made by* u/throwRA-193837472772.
&#x200B;
The title sounds insane but here I go.
We’ve been married for 6 years and have 2 kids I’m pregnant with a third.
My husband works from 9-5, comes home, does his chores, plays with our 2 kids, talks to me for a little bit, and then goes to sleep. But he doesn’t seem to enjoy doing any of it. Like this whole thing is one big chore.
He used to be this goofy guy who smiled and told jokes all the time, but I haven’t seen the man smile in months.
It’s not like he’s neglecting his duties as a husband and father, but he acts like it’s just that, duties. Like hanging with the kids and me is a second job.
I’m grateful for all he’s doing, and he makes all of our lives sooo much easier, but it’s like he’s constantly on the clock and I think he might be depressed.
I tried asking him if he was doing ok and he tells me he’s doing “fantastic”, but I know he’s not. That’s the line he uses at work when customers try to make small talk and ask how he’s doing.
He doesn’t take anytime for himself. He doesn’t take any breaks, he stopped playing games and stopped watching tv. He just does what I feel he thinks needs to be done and I don’t know how to help him out.
Our sex life has become one sided. We do it frequently but only because I initiate frequently. Even if he doesn’t seem in the mood he’ll do it. Like it’s his responsibility to “make me happy.” It feels like he isn’t there in the moment, like his mind is wandering the whole time we’re intimate and that, to me, feels worse than getting rejected.
I don’t know what’s going on, and I don’t know how to help because he won’t let me in. To anybody else he seems fine, but I know something is wrong and I don’t know how to fix this.
I miss my husband, the guy who complained, and told jokes. Not this robotic shell that looks like him.
&#x200B;
Edit: Alright, wow! I didn’t expect this to blow up. I want to thank you all for your advice; I really appreciate it. It’s clear to me now that my husband is overworked and “burnt out.”
He comes home from work in a couple hours and I’m going to sit him down and talk to him. I’m going to tell him how I feel, and I hope that together we can find a solution that turns him back into the man he once was.
I’m sorry if wasn’t able to respond to everyone, but I want you all to know I read every comment and response.
I’ll post an update soon about how it goes.
Byee!!
&#x200B;
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hmzvgt/update_my_32f_husband_36m_became_a_robot_and_i/)
Hey everybody, here’s the update. I wrote this a couple days ago but couldn’t post it because it was too soon.
My husband came home at around 6 o’clock, and after he had something to eat I took him to the bedroom to talk.
I sat him down on the bed and told him I was worried about him. I didn’t know exactly how to phrase my worries so I just showed him my original post.
When he finished reading the post he starting crying, like full on crying. In all the years that I have known this man, I had never seen a tear roll down his eye. I held him for a few minutes until he could recompose himself, and he told me everything.
He told me that the world was in a “shitty place” right now, and that we’re bringing a child into a stressful time.
He said when I became pregnant he felt he had to step up. He needed to take care of things because it was his responsibility.
He said that the weight of carrying the family was so much harder than he anticipated so he thought if he “doubled down” he could get through it. But the more he tried the “darker the tunnel got” and eventually he couldn’t see an end.
He said that he feels like he’s “constantly drowning, and the only breath of fresh air is on the car ride between home and work.”
He said that sometimes the stress is so much that he throws up, but doesn’t tell anyone and instead keeps going with his day. He then pulled out a pack of gum from his pocket and said “this was for when it happens.”
I asked him why he couldn’t tell me any of this, and he said he didn’t want to “burden me with the truth.”
He said that, he thought if he told me everything, that I would stop seeing him as a “protecter and provider”, and that I would inevitably stop loving him.
Hearing him say that brought tears to my eyes because I didn’t know where he got the notion I would feel that way.
I asked him if he wanted to quit his job but surprisingly he said the job doesn’t bother him. He said the work in of it self was fine. It’s just now he feels an added weight to provide because not only was he fortunate enough to keep his job in the pandemic, but we also had a kid on the way.
He said that some days he feels like packing a suit case and running to some tropical island for a week and not telling anyone. But then he feels guilty and doubles down even more.
I told him that maybe he should go on a trip. I said that he deserved a break, and maybe if he did exactly that he’d feel better. He tried to protest, but I insisted. In the end said that he’ll only go, if we go together. Like a romantic get away between spouses.
Once things start to clear up and before the baby is due, he wants to take a week off from work, drop the kids off at Grandma’s house and have us go on a vacation. Just the two of us, like we used to when we first got married.
He also said he wants to take the day off tomorrow and just sleep in, so that’s the plan. I’ll call his boss tomorrow and say that he’s sick and can’t come in, it’s not like they’ll make a sick man come in to work. There’s a pandemic going on :).
Right now he’s playing with the kids and it doesn’t feel like he’s doing one of his chores. He actually seems to be enjoying himself.
For the first time in months I don’t see the robot, I see my husband.
Edit: Hey everyone, I want to thank you all for the support. I read all of your comments, and I appreciate all of you.
I didn’t expect this to get so much traction, so I want to clarify some things.
First things first, my husband says hi.
1. I wanted to clarify about the chores people are taking about. I want to say that I know as a SAHM the bulk of chores goes to me. I cook and clean and do laundry because I know it’s my responsibility. My husband’s only chores are doing dishes, vacuuming every three days, and a few other “house maintenance” stuff.
2. I did in fact call in sick for my husband, but I made sure that I said he had a migraine. I saw on google that it wasn’t a symptom of COVID if it was an isolated symptom. His boss was okay with it and said he can come back whenever he feels better.
3. The pregnancy wasn’t an accident. We both did want to have 3 kids because we were both raised in 3 kid families. We actively tried for the first 2, but for baby number 3 it was kind of a “if it happens it happens” kind of thing. We’re both happy with the amount of kids we have/ will have and are hopefully done. We are not considering abortion nor adoption.
4. We realize that a one week vacation isn’t enough to get rid of his stress and are both trying to come up with a solution that alleviates his stress in a more sustainable way. Right now we’re thinking about setting up an hour or 2 a day that’s, “daddy’s time.” No kids, no me, no work. Just for him to relax.
5. To those of you who think this fake; there isn’t any way I can change your minds about this situation so I’m not really too bothered. I just hope you this never happens to you guys.
You all have been supportive and really a wonderful bunch of people. I really think we can get through this, and it wouldn’t have been possible without you guys.
I’m not going to reply to comments because, like last time, it’s an overwhelming amount. But just know I’m reading these as they come in.
Goodnight everyone, it’s been great. | Arkell-v-Pressdram | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nf5baw/ops_husband_became_a_robot_during_the_pandemic/ | nf5baw | 8,057 | 626 | [
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2021-05-19T04:27:06 | My (17M) brother (22M) keeps making inappropriate comments to my girlfriend (16F), waited for her after her shift to vape with her, and keeps asking me about what it’s like to have sex with her + UPDATE | Relationship_Advice | [ORIGINAL:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ndxk6j/my_17m_brother_22m_keeps_making_inappropriate/) by [u/throwracceptable](http://www.reddit.com/u/throwracceptable)
Me(17M) and my girlfriend (16F) have been dating since the beginning of this school year. I love hanging out with her, we play a lot of video games at my house and watch movies and stuff.
My only issue is when my brother (22M) is around which has been a lot since he just graduated college. He asks me weird questions about when we have sex, asks me what she feels/sounds like, etc. He makes (what I perceive as) weird comments to her; she was filling up pot for a water table (we were watching my toddler cousin) and some of the water spilled on her, he made a dumbass comment “wow, I’m glad you wore a white shirt today”. She just kind of laughed it off but I was like what the fuck so you mean by that? And he just went it was just a joke man, don’t take it so seriously.
Then I find out he added her on Snapchat (her username is just her first and last name, really easy to find) and has been sending her snaps, he “happened” to run into her at work (she works at the mall) and waited for her after her shift to vape (weed) with him.
Lately whenever she comes over he tells her to come into his room (technically it’s a barn kind of apartment behind to the main house) to hang out and she’ll always be like “no Trevor” and just kind of roll her eyes and he’s come up to me and been like “you know she sneaks into my place when you think she’s left right” and she’s told me he’s full of shit, I believe her but I still get paranoid.
I’ve told him to stop a few times but he likes getting a rise out of me. Today he started FaceTimeing me when we were hanging out in my room and asking me “if her shirt was off” and asking me if he could “see her pussy”. I eventually blocked his number.
I’m getting sick of his shit. He’s not listening to me telling him to stop. My gf says he’s just an idiot and not worth starting trouble over. But it creeps me out and pisses me off. I’m getting to the point where things are going to have to get physical but I’m reaching out here for any possible advice first.
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/nfodle/update_my_17m_brother_22m_keeps_making/)
Hey everyone. Thanks for all of the comments and advice I got on my last post . I wasn’t able to respond to all of them, but I read them all and I really appreciate it.
After I read the comments on the post me and my girlfriend (liz) talked about what we could/should do. I really wanted to publicly blast him, like a lot of comments suggested. But she said that would be really embarrassing for her, which I guess I get.
A lot of people suggested my parents, which was great advice, but my parents already know about the situation and are pretty dismissive about it, my mom says thats just his type of humor and my dad says I need to stop taking things so seriously.
I guess I didn’t really realize exactly how freaked out my brother made my girlfriend because she always kind of tried to downplay it and say it wasn’t a big deal because she didn’t want to start issues. A few people asked why my girlfriend added him back on snapchat or vaped with him-she was too freaked out to block him or say no. She said she sees him nearly every day, she didn’t want to want to give him a reason to confront her or get mad.
Me and her talked about it and decided that our best bet was to talk to her parents about what was going on since my parents didn’t want to listen to me.
They wanted to talk to my parents and brother about this right after we told them because they were pissed as hell so we all sat down and it turned into a disaster. Her dad and my dad started yelling at each other, my brother flipped out and said he doesn’t know why he’s the one getting in trouble when he “isn’t even the one fucking her”. So that turned into a whole thing because neither of our parents knew were having sex so they all started yelling at us (we kind of knew it was going to come out, which is why we really didn’t want to go to her parents but it seemed like the best option so we knew we had to suck it up.) Luckily her parents were still more pissed about the shit he was saying about us having sex than us actually doing it so even though we got in trouble (I lost my Xbox, we have to hang out at her house-which was there plan anyway-and her mom or dad has to be in the room with us at all times which is hilarious because they hate hearing us game and that rule won’t last 10 minutes).
So Liz’s dad ending up screaming in my brothers face and it even reached a point where my mom and dad couldn’t deny that it was creepy shit. Her dad told him his cop friends were going to be keeping tabs on him (I don’t know if he really has cop friends or not) and I think it kind of scared my brother.
After Liz’s family had left and my parents had gone to sleep my brother started drinking and getting loud and woke me up to have a few words with me. I guess he didn’t like the way id handled things because he was calling me a bitch, pussy, asking me why I didn’t handle things like a man, etc. like I said, he was getting a bit problematic so I knew it was time for him to go to bed, he got a bit banged up in the process seeing how much he’d been drinking but nothing he couldn’t ice and sleep off.
He’s been acting moody and mopey about it all but I really don’t care. At least my parents can kind of see now that he’s a problem.
So again thanks for all the advice guys. My girlfriend and I really appreciate it. (sorry about the double post, I’m on mobile) | red_earaches | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nfvwwp/my_17m_brother_22m_keeps_making_inappropriate/ | nfvwwp | 5,665 | 591 | [
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2021-05-19T10:04:45 | Guy Breaks Up With His Girlfriend And Regrets it, Realizes He Was Huge Jerk; Two Year Update | r/relationships | [Original Post 7 Years Ago In r/Relationships](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1t1h0y/im24_think_i_made_a_huge_mistake_in_breaking_up/)
I(M/24) think I made a huge mistake in breaking up with my ex(F/20) 3 months later.
I was with Britney for two and a half years. I liked many things about her. She had a good sense of humor, we like the same music and all of the same video games, she's hot, she gave me cool gifts. She was always there for me.
Around a year and some change into the relationship, I started an internship. Not only did I have an internship, I had a job, and school. This lead me to having long days from 8AM-12AM/2AMish. I had no time to see anybody. Luckily, Britney lived a few blocks away. So I'd hang out with my friends after work, then pick her up around 3 or 4AM, depending whenever I was done.
I started to get tired of being in a relationship. Everything she did annoyed me. I started feeling obligated to hang out with her. I thought as soon as my internship was over, I'd rekindle the candle and things would be fine again. It didn't work out that way. I'd cancel plans and do things with my friends. Because I got used to the night time hang outs.
We'd just hang out at my house later that night anyway. I didn't talk to her for days. Every time she asked if I was okay, I'd tell her I was because I never learned how to communicate well.
Finally, September came. She tried to talk to me about her concerns in person and I didn't give much of an input. Other than telling her she had nothing to worry about. I left to go hang out with my friends. Later that night, she texted me saying that it's so hard to communicate because I always avoid the things she says. That she wants to know what's wrong because she cares about us. That it feels like I only hang out with her because I'm obligated to.
So, we meet up. I tell her how she's perfect for me, but I don't want to be in a relationship anymore. I've been in relationships since I was 16, and have never gotten a chance to be single. She says she understands and would rather not be in a relationship with someone who isn't giving 100%, and that she won't hate me.
We break up. I go out with my friends a lot. I try talking to other girls. But being single isn't what I thought it would be like. I'm not drowning in vagina. Girls don't like me. I think we needed a break, not a break up. I was getting so annoyed of her, and if I had time off I'm sure it would've worked out.
Cue to a few weeks later, and I see her in another city with a new guy. Her new boyfriend. We trade items at a show later in the week and I don't talk to her. I turned around and walked away before she could say something.
I regret it immensely. I told her how I feel. Things aren't the same without her. She completed me. She was so good for me. And I wasn't the best for her. I was really shitty to her for a good majority of the relationship because I always assumed she'd be there. I told her that she haunts me and how my bed feels so empty now. That there's so many things I wanted to show her. And that I can change. I can learn how to communicate and treat her like the princess she is. A few days later, she called me. She asked if I really felt that way and if so why couldn't I say anything early? I was so happy. A few days later, she texted me saying that she couldn't do this anymore and she was done. That she found somebody who treats her very well and that she will never hate me but that she can't deal with me anymore.
I still texted her for a few weeks. Telling her I miss her. How could she jump from one relationship to the next? She was always insecure about my ex and I because my ex always posted about me(Even until now) and my ex hangs out with a lot of my friends. She always thought I moved on too soon from my ex and would regret being in another long term relationship. Yet she does the same shit. Like everything we've built was nothing but quicksand. Once again, she told me she couldn't do this anymore. That me texting her is mentally draining and isn't good for my health either. That she is trying to move on but I keep contacting her. That she didn't just decide to go into another relationship, but happened to meet somebody. She pointed out how I told her that we were never getting back together.
I've seen her family, and her, a few times since we broke up. I saw her alone at a show last week and walked up to her. She was civil with me, and I asked if she wanted to move up in the crowd. We went through the crowd together, but I lost her as soon as the show started. I saw her again when I was leaving, and asked if she wanted to travel home with me and my friends, but the coat check line was long. So she just left.
I know she still cares about me. I don't think she'll last with her boyfriend. What can I do? I regret leaving her.
TL;DR; I broke up with my girlfriend of two and a half years to get some space and be single. She started dating someone new shortly after. I know she still cares for me. What can I do?
[Update 2 Years Later ](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3qus1n/update_im24_think_i_made_a_huge_mistake_in/)
The original didn't get much attention, but here goes for anybody who ever wanted what happened.
I ended up leaving her alone and decided to fix myself. I knew the way I treated her was horrible. I made a promise to myself that from then on, I would be sure to treat people the way they deserve. You shouldn't take people for granted, especially when they're nothing but good to you. Nobody deserves the way I treated her the first time around. I learned a lot in the time I took alone. Why I treated her the way I did and I looked carefully into the excuses I made. I did end up sleeping around, yeah. I did a lot of things I wanted to do(not with women, in life), and some things I'm ashamed of. I learned who I want to be, who I am, and how to get to that point.
I'm still improving. But I still regretted the way I treated her for a long time. A really, really, really long time. And I still do.
6 months after I posted, I ran into her jogging in the park. It was the first time I saw her since the concert. We spoke for a long time. Not about us - just about life and how we've been. Her and the new boyfriend had broken up, but I didn't expect that meant we would become anything. To my surprise, we began talking and hanging out again. I thought I'd never see her again. She was very wary on hanging out with me and I understood why. We'd meet up and walk in the park for a few hours, every week or so for almost a year.
One day she came over my house again, and well. We began going out on actual dates and I learned how to communicate. I don't hold things in anymore. We both hang out with each others friends now, and I guess there's so many things I never noticed about her. She's very sweet, beautiful, funny, and highly intelligent. I really hit the jackpot both times but this time I know I won't mess it up. So far it's been almost a year since she came over again, and things are well. I'm going to keep working on myself to be the best person I could be. Thanks for knocking some sense into me /r/relationships.
tl;dr: I broke up with my girlfriend a little bit over 2 years ago and was a selfish asshole. We reconciled almost year and a half ago and I grew up a lot.
-----------
*I forgot to include, there was a comment where OP said he had gone to therapy as well. That made me feel a bit more confident that he actually changed wouldn't keep screwing this girl over. There were no more updates, however, so we won't know for sure.* | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ng1qi3/guy_breaks_up_with_his_girlfriend_and_regrets_it/ | ng1qi3 | 7,659 | 354 | [
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2021-05-19T15:32:35 | The guy (29m) I'm (25f) dating and his friends "gatekeeped" me about my hobbies and career, I'm feeling embarrassed | Relationship_Advice | OP - [u/throwRAgoolala](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwRAgoolala/)
&#x200B;
[Original Post](https://old.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/dwwpsc/the_guy_29m_im_25f_dating_and_his_friends/)
I need some help processing this. They made me question whether or not I'm actually authentic when it comes to what I'm interested in. I feel like I don't want to talk about my interests with anyone because I don't want to be pop quizzed.
The person I'm dating (together 3 months), I'll call him 'Dan', recently invited me out to dinner to meet some of his coworkers. The first red flag was he invited everyone out to a Hooters, and said they chose that restaurant because it's close to where they work and is easy to get to. Which is true, but there are several other restaurants near by that offer better food and a better atmosphere.
Before he invited me out to dinner, he half joked that his coworkers (all of them are male) didn't believe that he was dating a "hot girl" that's into the same hobbies as them. (The are hobbies that are considered to be primarily for men.) I was a little irked at that comment, but he said he was "just joking around" (this pretty much became the catch phrase for the men that night). When everyone arrived at the restaurant Dan and his coworkers were making comments about the girls that worked there and their physical appearances. This made me a little uncomfortable but I didn't say anything.
Once everyone ordered their food/drink his friends started to quiz me about my interests. Many of them share the same "male dominated" hobbies I'm interested in, and they more or less just tried to see if I knew facts about the hobby, as opposed to asking me questions about what I like/don't like or what I'm currently doing in said hobby. For example, if my hobby was American history - one of them would ask an esoteric question like "Oh, so you like American History? How many one dollar bills are currently in circulation? How old is the French Broad River!?"
I also work as a junior automation engineer at a start up software company. I haven't been writing code that long, as I was working in QA prior and learned how to code while I was in that position. I'm really green and I know I still have a lot to learn. The projects I'm working on are small and I'm getting help at work. All of his friends are senior level software engineers and were quizzing me about my work and trying to see how much I actually know. They were asking about advanced things I did not know about, and were asking me technical questions that don't even apply to my job. But, they were all smiling and laughing, and would frequently say something like "aw we're just kidding!"
At one point I felt like I was at some weird interview and was taking one question at a time from each d-bag at the table. I know I stopped fake smiling at some point and just emotionlessly answered their questions. I think one of them became self aware because he just looked down at his phone for the rest of the evening, didn't ask me anything else and just looked uncomfortable.
When they weren't asking pointed questions at me, they were talking to each other and ignoring me. I'd be interrupted if I tried to include my thoughts on the subject, or nod at me and look away to someone else.
I should mention all of these guys were 5-10 years older than me, I'm 25, the guy I'm dating is 29, and his coworkers are in their early-mid 30s. I don't have as much experience as they do, part of me was hoping I could meet peers who could have helped guide me or answer my questions about their careers. Instead, one of them literally asked me to give him a sql query. They all kept saying they were just kidding around or just joking and laughing about it, but it was so cringey.
Dan was sitting beside me and wasn't stopping this behavior from his coworkers. He was coaching me, I guess? Saying things like "oh! you know this one!" or "come on you got this, we talked about this last week!" Dan also made the comment of "See, she's really smart too!" to one of the guys at the table.
That whole night was just awful. He was actually irritated at me because he saw my whole mood change while I was being quizzed by his friends. He said he noticed me having an "attitude" with his coworkers, when they were just having fun and trying to get to know me. That it was immature of me to have been to obviously annoyed and that I "audibly sighed" multiple times when one his friends spoke to me.
I can't stop seeing Dan as a super cringey dude now. I thought he was acting ridiculous and seemed more like a 13 year old boy as opposed to someone who is supposed to be turning 30 in a couple of months. I'm pretty sure I can't go on with the relationship at this point. I don't think this is an overreaction on my part, if I were to break up with him.
Is it within reason to end a relationship after this event? Everything was going fine before this happened. But now I just feel gross. The dinner happened last night and I haven't returned any of his texts today. I know ghosting is wrong, but I don't want to look at him or speak to him, the thought of him just kind of disgusts me at this point. I've never felt like someone's show poodle before. I don't know if I'll feel differently in a week or if I'm unjustified in my anger.
tl;dr: Went out with bf and his friends. They gatekeeped me about my hobbies and careers all night. Dan encouraged this behavior. I acted as unenthusiastic show poodle and unceremoniously answered their stupid questions. Dan is mad at me for not playing along and having a bad attitude.
EDIT: I know my post was gilded and some of my comments too, instead of giving money to reddit or giving me gold I can't use on this account, please donate to this organization, winter is approaching and there are a lot of kids that don't have coats. [https://www.operationwarm.org/get-involved/give-3/](https://www.operationwarm.org/get-involved/give-3/)
&#x200B;
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/dym9jt/update_the_guy_29m_im_25f_dating_and_his_friends/)
After the post I decided it would be best to end things through a phone call. I mentioned ghosting, but it's probably best he knows how and why he fucked up. I waited until Saturday to reach out to him, told him "we need to talk." I'm paraphrasing here, but this is basically what the convo went like:
Dan: This is about the dinner, isn't it?
Me: Yeah it is.
Dan: and?
Me: I don't think I've ever felt so unwelcome in a group before. It felt like a shitty interview, all they did was test my knowledge. No one tried to get to know me, and when actual conversation was going on I was ignored or interrupted if I tried to talk.
Dan: I don't feel it like it was anything like that.
Me: Ok, so how often do you guys sit around just asking questions like "quick - what is the sql query if you want to delete two rows from two different tables!?!"
Dan: I don't know
Me: No really, do you quiz your friends randomly like that at work or out and about?
Dan: No not really
Me: And why not? why don't you just ask lightning round quizzes like that? B/c it's not what normal people do?
Dan: I don't know. They were just having fun and joking around.
Me: It wasn't fun for me. I have male and female friends in all sorts of professions, I've never cornered any of them to test their knowledge. I trust they know what they're doing. I ask them about work, what they're doing, you know normal questions.
Dan: ok
Me: I'm not going to print out a CPA exam and quiz my accountant friend, don't you think that would be a little fucked up?
Dan: I don't know, maybe?
We talked a little more about that night, and I gave him more specific examples of what he and his friends did and he never really had any good answered. It was a lot of "i don't know" and single word answers. I told him I created a reddit post and I would send it to him. He was a little pissed off that I did that, felt like I had no right to so. At the end of the conversation he asked if we were done. I told him yeah, that I can't see a future with him, that I saw a different side of him that night and I don't want to be someone's prize poodle on display for the world to see. He didn't really say anything after that and just hung up the phone. I sent him the url for my first post.
He texted me throughout the weekend, but I didn't respond. He read the post that I sent him and wasn't happy with it, and said he couldn't believe so many people were on my side and were hating on him. He sent a few more angry texts after that like he couldn't believe we were breaking up over something so stupid. He did send a few rounds of "I'm sorrys" and "let's try to work through this" but when I didn't respond he just went back to angry texting me.
Also, I did find his friend who buried his head in his phone that night and sent him the reddit link and asked if that sounded like what happened. Dan's friend said he knew what his friends were doing were wrong, and felt bad for me. He apologized for not stepping in, and assumed that Dan would eventually speak up for me on my behalf. He also apologized for joining them in the beginning, and wished me luck in my career.
tl:dr: I tried explaining how that night was weird, uncomfortable and fucked up. He didn't see my point of view, didn't learn any lessons from it. I broke it off, he has been sending me angry texts, I haven't responded.
EDIT: I know my first post was gilded and some of my comments too, instead of giving money to reddit or giving me gold I can't use on this account, please donate to this organization, winter is approaching and there are a lot of kids that don't have coats. [https://www.operationwarm.org/get-involved/give-3/](https://www.operationwarm.org/get-involved/give-3/) | Any_Resident | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ng8ypg/the_guy_29m_im_25f_dating_and_his_friends/ | ng8ypg | 9,838 | 764 | [
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2021-05-20T14:48:08 | "I (30 F) think I found my long-lost brother (19 M) on social media" + quickly deleted update | Relationship_Advice | [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/n82g7p/i_30_f_think_i_found_my_longlost_brother_19_m_on/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) by u/uglyf33t
Updated at the bottom
I’m going to make this as short as humanly possible
I have a half-brother, we biologically share a mother. My mom lost custody of him about 14 years ago (my brother was about 5 at the time, I was 16) and I disconnected with my mother shortly thereafter. Mother is/was an addict.
We’re both adults now (him 19 me 30) and I think I just found him on Instagram. I’ve been searching for *years* and finally found someone with the exact (uncommon) name and he looks a lot like my mother.
I don’t quite know what he knows. I don’t even know if he was raised with a different ‘mom’. Since he was 5 when we were separated, I don’t know if he would remember me.
I want to message him. I want to reconnect with him. But I want to do it the right way and don’t want to alarm him thinking I’m a creep or someone trying to scam him.
I truly don’t know what to say
———
Editing to say: I definitely want to message him, I just don’t want to scare him or think I’m making up the story. It’s difficult to approach because I don’t know what he knows.
Was he told about me? Does he know my mom is still alive? Does he think ‘my’ whole side of the family is addicts? I have no idea what to think
Edit 3 .. I sent the message! Here’s what I came up with, with the help of the lovely people on this sub:
Hello! I’m sorry, this message is going to be out of the ordinary ... but I’m reaching out because I believe we might be related.
My name is \[Full Name\], my maiden name is \[My Maiden Name\]. I’ve been searching for my brother for a long time, his name is \[Very Unique Name\]. We biologically share a mother. Last I saw my brother \[Name\], he was around 5 years old
I have more details to share, and a few photos. Could this be you?
Thank you for your time
I’ve never been so nervous in my entire life. Also it’s 1am here, so not much chance he will reply tonight. Deeply hoping to get a reply this weekend. It would be **life-changing** but also I’m mentally preparing myself for the possibility that he doesn’t want to connect. Deep breaths, I took a leap and now I must wait.
Update 3:
I messaged him around 1am, it’s now 3pm in our time zone but no reply :( hoping to hear back this week maybe? Trying to remain hopeful.
Update 4:
I don’t use Instagram often however I noticed the message has not yet been marked as “seen” so I suppose that’s a positive note :)
Update 5:
Instagram msg has not yet been “seen”. A user on here mentioned it might be marked as “spam”. By searching his username I also found a website he is/was using for selling an item he makes. It is a Google website ([https://sites.google.com](https://sites.google.com/)) but I don’t see an email address on it. I’m not sure if I can look it up somehow. Perhaps if I don’t see any progress on the IG message I will find a way to “contact” him through the website. I certainly don’t want to bombard him with messages so I will let the IG message sit for a week or so before I go that route.
In the meantime, I am open to any/all suggestions/advice you have for next steps :)
Update 6 is .. there’s no update. It’s been 6 days and the message remains unread. He doesn’t post on IG often (neither do I) so it could be months before he logs in again. I don’t want to rush overwhelming him with messages so I will give it time. Wish me luck 😔 but don’t expect an update soon unfortunately.
Update 7
Update posted [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ngx1ux/update_i_30f_think_i_found_my_longlost_brother/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
&#x200B;
[**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ngx1ux/update_i_30f_think_i_found_my_longlost_brother/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Original post [linked here](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/n82g7p/i_30_f_think_i_found_my_longlost_brother_19_m_on/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
It’s not the update I was hoping for unfortunately.
He finally read my message and replied to me on Instagram. This is a brief synopsis of our conversation
\> Him: “Hey I don’t think I’m your brother but I hope you find him some day”
\> Me: “Thank you so much for replying. Would you mind if I shared some information about my brother so you can determine .. if it could possibly be you?”
\> Him: “Yeah that’s okay”
\> I sent him 5 sentences along with a toddler photo. The information was very specific I made no mention of the heavy topics. I kept my messages very brief and polite as recommended from the replies I got on my original post.
He received and read the message. He received the photo.
Then he blocked me.
It hurts, a lot. I’m choked-up just typing this. The hard part is, his first message (“Hey I don’t think I’m your brother but I hope you find him some day”), it confirms 100% that he doesn’t remember me 😞 he hasn’t been looking for me. This was always a possibility, given his age at the time of separation, but I held out hope that he would have remembered having a sister.
It’s a lot to process 😞. I’m trying to look at the bright side which is ... he now knows I exist. He now knows I care about him and I’ve been looking for him. That’s more than I was able to accomplish all these years.
If you’re wondering *why* he may have blocked me, my mind goes to a few places. It’s possible he’s aware of his mom’s history with drugs and doesn’t wish to associate with her family. I don’t know a lot of the details regarding her losing custody of my brother, except that it was ugly and my mom was not at all in a condition to care for a child. Either way, I understand this decision.
Possibility 2, he doesn’t know any of this. He was either raised with a different mom, was told his mom is deceased or was told some other mis-truth to cover up the painful fact that his biological mom was neglectful and gave him up.
Regardless of the circumstances of his decision to block me and how incredibly painful this is to process ... 😞 ... I understand. He is 19, he’s his own person. He is old enough make decisions about who he does/doesn’t want to communicate with.
Anyhoo. I’m sorry to those who have followed my story hoping for a happy ending. This is unfortunately where my story of looking for my brother ends 😔 | deebeeuu | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nh2607/i_30_f_think_i_found_my_longlost_brother_19_m_on/ | nh2607 | 6,552 | 389 | [
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2021-05-20T22:16:17 | My [38M] girlfriend [32F] of 3 years owns a pornstore/strip club. I want her to sell it before I propose. + UPDATE | Relationship_Advice | [ORIGINAL](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/bb1wh7/my_38m_girlfriend_32f_of_3_years_owns_a/) by [u/gfclubowner](http://www.reddit.com/u/gfclubowner)
My girlfriend was left a pornstore and strip club by her dad when he died 8 years ago. He left it go to be a shithole, but she poured her entire inheritance and took out some loans to revamp them both.
It is now a popular, well managed establishment. She makes a decent life, but I have issues and I want her to sell it before I will even think of proposing.
I don't think the adult industry is a positive place for anyone. I can't tell my strict Catholic parents what she does for a living.
She has to put a lot of time into the club. Saturday, we had plans to go see Shazam and have dinner. She got called that a bartender's kid is sick and she ended up working until 4 am due to no coverage.
This is a regular occurence in some capacity. She just shrugs at me and tells me it's part of being an active owner of a successful business. She ends up working until 4 am at least 4 times a week.
She is adamant that she will not sell. I need some good points as to why she should. Points involving children will not work, as she doesn't want children
Tl;dr: my gf owns a strip club. I want to give her good reasons to sell.
[UPDATE 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/bb8y3y/update_my_38m_girlfriend_32f_of_3_years_owns_a/)
I decided to tell her that the sexual side of the store and club bothered me, and that I wanted her to sell it before I would propose. I made breakfast before she left to go over to the store for the day.
She dumped me on the spot. She said she enjoys her work, loves the adult industry, and has no plans on selling ever. She said she has worked too hard and too long for that sort of "bullshit."
We don't live together, so we walked through her apartment to gather my things. We gave each other's keys back.
She already blocked me on facebook.
TL; DR: she dumped me for telling her I want her to sell the club
[UPDATE 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/bp6s9q/i_38m_want_my_exgirlfriend_32m_back/)
I broke up with my ex girlfriend against reddit's advice because she owns a strip club/porn store that she inherited from her father and she refused to sell.
I ended up telling my parents what she did for a living, and they were shockingly cool with it. My Dad said he even had his suspicions because he knew her Dad growing up and figured it out through the last name. Her dad was well known in town.
I went to the club last week to try to talk to her, but she was covering for a bartender again. She was dressed up as Suicide Squad Harley Quinn, and she did the gun cocking motion with a bat like Harley did in the movie while I was across the room heading towards the bar. Next thing I know, I was being escorted out by the bouncers.
She blocked me completely on everything. I was thinking of sending her a snail mail letter... but does that even work? I'm not even sure what I would say.
TL;DR: I want my ex back. I don't know how to start. | red_earaches | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nhd400/my_38m_girlfriend_32f_of_3_years_owns_a/ | nhd400 | 3,098 | 697 | [
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2021-05-21T01:55:29 | Man Loses His Wedding Ring In 7 Inches Of Snow | TIFU | [Original Post 5 Years Ago In r/TIFU](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/3ysac8/tifu_by_losing_weight_and_going_sledding/)
TIFU by losing weight and going sledding
This happened late yesterday afternoon, and I'm still trying to deal with the aftermath!
Since Sept of 2013, I've lost about 30 pounds, which has been really great, but it came back to bite me yesterday. It bit HARD.
After my wife was done with work yesterday afternoon, she thought it would be a good idea for our two boys to play in the 6 or 7 inches of snow that had fallen overnight. So we bundled up the kiddos, grabbed the saucer and went out in our backyard to slide down the little hill. Since the kids are 1 and 3, this little grade is perfect for them to sled down.
Being dad, I had to take a few runs myself, just to see what it was like. It was good, but it could be bit longer, so I decided to go down a different way and make a new path.
I ran. I jumped on the saucer. I went down the hill and fell off, getting powder all over me, in my boots, up my pants, and in my gloves. Quickly I pulled my glove off of my left hand and shook the snow off. That's when I felt it go. It felt like eternity, but there was nothing I could do in that split second.
My white gold wedding band went flying off my finger and landed somewhere in the snow.
After losing the weight, my ring has been really loose, loose enough to come off while shaking my hand!
I have no idea where it is. My attempts at raking the snow were futile last night. My finger feels weird without it, and my wife thinks I'm a complete nimrod.
YIFU.
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/3zkm7v/tifu_update_turns_out_i_really_am_a_nimrod/)
Before I give you all the update, I want to say a few things...
First, thanks to the individual who thought losing gold deserves some gold. I appreciate the sentiment!
Second, I cant believe my misfortune made it to the front page. I thought it was cool, my non-redditor wife wasn't impressed when I showed her. Win some, lose some!
Thirdly, I was very disappointed in the comments that mocked, or made fun of the fact that 30 pounds over 27 months. For some of us, it's a big accomplishment. Clearly, those commenters don't have any idea how hard it can be. It was not a shock that my ring was loose, and it was not an overnight thing, but the snow incident was the first time it had come off my hand with no help.
Now to the main event you've all been waiting for!
The wife and I brought the boys to the store to buy a metal detector. I was going (at the suggestion of some, and myself) to buy it, find the ring and return it. When my Minnesota-nice, uber-honest wife found out what my plan was, she shot down the idea. Especially since she was afraid that if they wouldn't take it back, we'd be out 160 bucks!
So it was off to plan B, the rental shop! 60 bucks for a weekly rental sounded much better to the wife. I didn't really care, I just wanted to find my ring.
It was two days before we could get to the rental place. Two AGONIZING days. I saw animal tracks running right through the area where I thought I lost it on the first day. The next day, my next door neighbor ran his snowmobile through his backyard, running right against the fence, near where it could have flown off near.
Finally picked up the detector and quickly got to work. After about 45 minutes of false positives and frustration from the dog running around where I was looking and my 3 year old digging through piles of snow that I was scanning, I was about to give in to the fading day light. I found one more spot that I was sure would be a false positive, like every other hit near the chain-link fence. I decided to dig since the snow wasn't packed down. That's when I saw something. I dug about 3 inches into the snow and pulled out my ring, completely ice-encrusted. Held it tight in my hand, looked up at the living room window to see my wife looking down, and thrust my hand toward the sky and gave a few fist pumps. I was stoked!
Turns out, I really am a nimrod!!! (Thanks to those that gave me the history lesson!)
For those that wanted to see the ring, and while I love the cool argyle-like design, here's a pic!
[Picture of his recovered ring](https://imgur.com/ttKpH5o)
TL;DR; Rented a detector for 60 bucks, took 45 minutes full of frustration from the dog and kid, and false-positives, but I found my ring in the fading daylight. Am a total Nimrod. | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nhhb1m/man_loses_his_wedding_ring_in_7_inches_of_snow/ | nhhb1m | 4,476 | 246 | [
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2021-05-21T13:36:44 | "I (46F) have hurt my daughter (16F) by giving her friend (16F) a few books" + update | r/relationships | [**Original**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/n7jcfj/i_46f_have_hurt_my_daughter_16f_by_giving_her/) by u/far-challenge-4300
My daughter's (16F) friend came out a few weeks ago to her family and friends. It has put a bit of a strain on their relationship. I don't know what is happening is going on between them but I try not to pry.
She (16F) visited us this week, My husband and I read a lot and have a huge collection of books. We let her pick out a few books. She picked a few thrillers, some LGBTQ+ memoirs and the like. she was happy about it.
She posted about it on Instagram. My daughter saw it. She is angry with us for picking her friend's side and that she wanted to read those books. which is surprising as she is not a person who reads a ton of books. Something is really bothering her and she is lashing out.
I feel a bit guilty as it is clear something is going on between them and I feel like this act hurt our daughter even though it was meant to show support to her friend. My daughter is constantly making snide remarks about us preferring her friend over her. My husband is just ignoring it and wants us to ignore it too and let her deal with this issue on her own while I have been trying to talk to her about it.
TL;DR : Gave a few books to my daughter's friend to show support but my daughter has taken it as choosing her friend's side in an issue.
[**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/nhr3yo/update_i_46f_have_hurt_my_daughter_16f_by_giving/)
[Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/n7jcfj/i_46f_have_hurt_my_daughter_16f_by_giving_her/)
I found the perspectives and guidance I received really helpful. I decided to just spend some time with her. She loves to bake and we baked together and we had some movie nights. her comments melted away and she became happier.
we were baking yesterday when she came out to me. I didn't make a big deal out of as I felt she didn't want me to. I just told her I loved her before continuing to bake as if nothing happened. We did have a conversation later on.
She told me that she and her friend had been together ( scary, how well kids can hide things.) Her girlfriend wanted to come out but she didn't and it had strained their relationship. It seems, they had a fight before we gave her the books to her (ex?) girlfriend and that had hurt her. Their relationship is in the limbo and she doesn't want to come out to the world right now. My husband ordered a small pride flag to keep in her room. The world is a bit crazy right now and we want her to have a space where she can be herself.
TL;DR : My daughter came out to me, her friend was actually her girlfriend and they had a fight. | deebeeuu | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nhspp4/i_46f_have_hurt_my_daughter_16f_by_giving_her/ | nhspp4 | 2,724 | 690 | [
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2021-05-21T23:31:56 | OP: "TIFU by telling a dude we've been watching him for years" (aka, The Legendary My Dude) | TIFU | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/cba007/tifu_by_telling_a_dude_weve_been_watching_him_for/) by /u/Ashaliedoll*
&nbsp;
&nbsp;
Obligatory "this didn't happen today blah blah" and also I'm on mobile. Strap in suckas, come and revel in my awkwardness.
So, for literally YEARS now this dude has been running around about a 3 square mile in my area. The only reason I've ever noticed him was because of his flowing hair that gracefully blows behind him as he runs and the frequency that we saw him out.
When he started, he was a little overweight but dude is so committed that he literally runs in rainstorms wearing trashbags and is very fit now. So my fam and I are watching this guys transformation happen, which is kind of exciting to me because I'm into fitness.
Over the years I would cheer him on (privately) while inside my car. I would be like "Yaasss! You got this my dude!!" in an attempt to make my kids laugh. It became a THING. It was "There's 'My Dude!" Or "Man, I haven't seen 'My Dude' in awhile. I hope he's okay!" Or my sister would say "I saw 'My Dude' today!" Kind of just an inside joke. But again, this is for years and years.
Even after seeing him all the time while driving, I never actually ran into him in person on my walks...that brings me to the TIFU portion of the post.
I decided to go a different route recently, I look up and through the sunlight in the trees I see a glorious golden mane of hair. I think "Holyshitholyshit. Today's the day I meet MY DUDE!" He's getting closer now, I feel incredibly stupid. Why the fuck did this 'My Dude' thing even start again?? He's closer now. He's much taller than I thought and that throws me off and I let him jog past.
I think "Fuck. I can't just NOT say anything right?" And guys, I really wish I didn't say shit. I really wish I went home and called my sister and fake 'fan-girled' over walking within inches of this mythical man with the hair. But I'm an idiot.
So I turn and yell "Excuse me?" And he swishes his marvelous hair around, still jogging in place and just looks at me. I say "We've been watching you for years!" And he's like "huh?" And I say "WeVe BeEn WaTcHiNg YoU." (Like he couldn't hear me or something. Instead of what he really meant which was probably "what the fuck?") And he's still jogging like "...what?" I stammer "We've been watching you run I mean...Me and my family. Watching you run for years! You look great! Way to go dude!" And you guys... I gave him a FUCKING THUMBS UP like a weird xanaxed up soccer mom. He says "Oh, cool. Thanks." And just kinda runs away.
At this point I feel kind of... betrayed? Like, he's basically a celebrity in my house and he just says 'cool'?!? How dare he?!?
Then it hit me how fucking awkward and creepy and fucked up what I said and how I said what I said. I tell my husband and he's like "Wish ya weren't so awkward bud." I tell my kids and they are like "Uh...wow mom." I tell my sister and she cries laughing because of how typical this is of me. To be so awkward I mean. Like, I literally told a grandma "don't eat the baby!" the other day at the store while she was nibbling on her grandkids toes playfully. Like, what is my problem??
Anyway, the main reason I'm even typing this besides so you freaks that like to cringe at others idiocy can read it, is that since I appeared to be some weird version of CIA/FBI/Illuminati/soccer mom to my dude, he has been nowhere to be found! I have not seen him running around at all and I feel so bad that I MAY have maybe possibly kinda weirded him out enough for him to change the entire area he has been running for years, which is awful.
So, My dude, if you see this, I am soooooo not "watching you" in any way other than to admire your hair and admire your dedication to fitness. I apologize profusely and if I ever see you again I promise I won't say shit.
(And to that grandma, if you're on Reddit ... seriously you shouldn't eat babies. I'm not apologizing for that shit.)
Tl;Dr I told a dude that we've been watching him for years, when I really meant we had been watching him run/get fit and he was doing a great job. Haven't seen him on his route since.
&nbsp;
&nbsp;
___
[**UPDATE #1**](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/cbontd/tifu_by_telling_a_random_dude_weve_been_watching/)
&nbsp;
Today I told my mom about my previous post, made her read it, made her almost cease to exist from laughing so hard and then she says "Yeah, but that guy is pretty weird." And I say "Uhh why do you say that?" and APPARENTLY I am from a family of freakishly awkward individuals.
You guys, my dad DID THE SAME SHIT AS ME and he just... forgot to tell me or my sister about it? (Thanks Dad, you're great.)
So he runs into My Dude at the store and he was like "oh hey, I see you running all the time! You're looking great! Keep it up!" My dad was a coach, so he's got the weird proud dad thing going on. My Dude just kind of looks at him...says "th-ankssss." And slowly backs away.
The End.
JUST KIDDING. Then my mom proceeds to tell me she just saw My Dude running. Please read the following in stereotypical mom voice: "Oh my gosh, I saw him running the other day. His shoes look so bad! I almost stopped. I wish I knew his shoe size so I could get him new shoes! Should I stop and ask him?"
Holy.Shit.
(Don't worry, I said don't fucking do that mom Jesus Christ fuckin' figure it out.) So now that I know I wasn't the first person to tell him that I've been watching him I feel REALLY bad. My family ladies and gentlemen.
Tl;Dr My whole family is awkward AF and told a guy we've been watching him run on separate occasions.
&nbsp;
&nbsp;
___
[**UPDATE #2**](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/cc5bt3/tifu_by_telling_a_dude_weve_been_watching_him_for/)
&nbsp;
First, I want to tell you all that I've truly had fun reading all of your stories, having you desperately want to be my friend, hearing 'what yous appreciates about me', having my possible Canadian heritage questioned and most of all, having my phone ping every 10 seconds for 24 hours straight. Great execution, yer doin' terrific.
As for the update, I've been paying more attention than normal to the sidewalk while I'm driving in hopes of seeing that I hadn't completely obliterated My Dude's ability to feel comfortable running on his route. I'm daydreaming about what I will do when I see him. Will I wave? Will I honk? Will I yell "How are ya now?!?" into the wind as I drive gently blowing his hair as I pass?
And holy shit, what if I am walking when I see him next? Will my common sense just leak out if my ears completely and holy shit...will I PULL OUT MY GOD DAMN PHONE, OPEN REDDIT AND GRIN AT HIM? Will I then awkwardly offer to give him half of my internet gold? Will I make a joke about karma? Fucking probably. I hope not, but Fucking.Probably.
So tonight my mom read my post out loud to my dad while I was on the phone with them. In case you were wondering, he also wishes I wasn't so fucking awkward, bud, but it's kind of his fault if you think about it.
Guys, I know what you're thinking and don't worry, she successfully censored my curse words... until about halfway through when she was having trouble breathing through laughter, even then she swore quietly (bless her heart.) Basically, she thinks I'm famous now and that I'm going to be on 'Good Morning America' (but like, on a slow news day, not like a *good* news day. Her words.) She's a total mom.
After she's done, I'm telling them some of your comments about making shirts and all your ideas about how to get My Dude's shoe size so that my mom, (again, bless her heart) can buy him shoes. Anything from using light sprinklings of salt on the pavement to forcing him to run through Plaster of Paris were thrown out there. Y'all are a bunch of snipers.
Suddenly, my dad says "Oh, by the way, I have seen him running recently. He's okay."
And guys, in this moment I'm so relieved that I didn't fuck this dude's entire world up.
I say, "Oh good, where was he when you saw him? Same route?"
"OUTSIDE OF HIS HOUSE."
"...Wait...you fucking know where he lives?!??"
"Yeah, [that one house on that one street that is not in our neighborhood but on a crossroad.] I see him leave to run and I see him get back home sometimes when I'm driving."
(LoOk aT mE, I'm Ashley's dad and this totally isn't a big deal at all. Shut up dad, it totally fucking is!)
"HOLY FUCK." I say.
"You...you just made it worse." My sister says.
My mom is basically dead at this moment.
"Mom, you cannot buy him shoes and drop them at his house!!"
She says: "Yeah, that would be awkward."
So, good news. He's still running. Bad news, we might actually be stalkers now.
UPDATE: My dad just called to tell me he saw My Dude... He was walking...wearing a HAT. We've never seen him in a hat so my dad thinks it's my fault for posting about his "luscious locks" (his words, not mine) I hope he's wrong. Jesus Christ.
Tl;Dr EDIT there's a dude in town we've seen running for years, we gave him a nickname and everything. Ran into him in person, told him this in the creepiest way possible. Find out my dad did the same a year before. Later found out My dad knew where he lived this whole time. Also, my mom wants to buy him shoes. | spacificNA | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ni5tnt/op_tifu_by_telling_a_dude_weve_been_watching_him/ | ni5tnt | 9,367 | 310 | [
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2021-05-22T00:58:59 | I (32 F) work overnights. My father-in-law (60s M) keeps bad mouthing me and telling everyone I'm lazy. I'm afraid people are starting to buy it. + UPDATE | Relationship_Advice | [ORIGINAL](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/fdzm9q/i_32_f_work_overnights_my_fatherinlaw_60s_m_keeps/) by [u/ThrowRA_filissue](http://www.reddit.com/u/ThrowRA_filissue)
I work overnights in a very demanding medical field. My sleep schedule has always been nocturnal, so this feels more natural to me than working days and brings my stress down. My husband is gone 5 days out of the week as a truck driver, and my days off are the same days he's home thanks to my seniority, and we are both night owls during this period.
My mother-in-law recently passed away, so my father-in-law sold everything and moved to where we were and has been included in my family events. At Christmas, my brother pulled me aside to let me know that my father-in-law is telling anyone who will listen that I am lazy because I 'sleep all day.'
I work 12-24 hour shifts at my job during the days I am working. The only reason I get my days off to align with my husband is the seniority I have, and even then I often have to work when he's home.
I've now noticed that, along with him calling me, I am starting to miss calls around 2 or 3 pm from family members who know I am home and are asking me to do things for them during the day. I am usually asleep by noon and have to be up for work around 8 or 9 pm. I've sat these people down to explain that I am an overnight emergency worker and that I need my sleep.
My husband sat my father-in-law down and explained to him what I do, how I need my sleep, and that he's being a jerk. My father-in-law maintains that a real job doesn't have overnights. I don't want to have to cut contact with him because we are the only family he has left. My husband stands behind me and says if I want to cut him out even just to let him have a time out, he's game.
I also don't know how to address my whole family about this. My Mom combats it as much as possible, but his way of thinking is starting to permeate them, too.
TL;DR: I am emergency medical personnel that works 3rd shift. My father in law thinks I'm lazy and is starting to infect some of my family with that idea. How do I combat this?
Edit: Thank you for all the comments. I wasn't expecting this to blow up. I posted it and went to sleep, thinking I'd have a few good replies. I'm on PTO for the next few days, so I will be taking some of this advice and talking to the problematic folks.
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/fg0h4o/update_i_32_f_work_overnights_my_fatherinlaw_60s/)
I dealt with my family members at a family gathering over the weekend. I saw my sister (one of my family member who had been texting me) and reminded her that I am asleep at 3 or 4 pm when she texts. If she texts me first thing in the morning, like when she leaves for work at 7, maybe I can do whatever favor she needs before I go to sleep. I told her that I wouldn't be adjusting my schedule to do her favors. She seemed to understand.
Over the weekend, my husband and I sat down with my father-in-law one last time to try to get him to understand that I am a medical professional, I work nights, and that my nights are as hard as working a day shift, often times harder.
I brought up my MIL, and reminded him how she called 911 at 2 am when she had her first heart attack. I told him the person on the other end of that phone had a real job, the EMTs who came to take her to the hospital had real jobs, and the ER Nurses and Doctors that treated her had real jobs. I told him that yes, I could take a day shift, but I would be unhappy in the end because I'm just not wired to be awake during the day (today is an exception because I'm on vacation and had a dentist appointment.)
Well, those who guessed that this was way more about my job were right. After the discussion, he point blank told me that my chosen hours weren't conductive to having children. When I reminded him that when his son and I got married 10 years ago, we both agreed that we weren't having children, he had some choice words.
My husband kicked him out of our house, and my family will stop inviting him to family gatherings.
It's not the outcome I wanted, but hopefully he'll come around.
TL;DR: It was about children, not about my job. We are currently no contact.
Edit: To be clear: He did not live with us, but near us. My husband kicked him out of our house that evening. | red_earaches | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ni7adj/i_32_f_work_overnights_my_fatherinlaw_60s_m_keeps/ | ni7adj | 4,382 | 683 | [
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2021-05-22T16:00:38 | I (17F) saw my best friends dad (30sM) "with" a girl (18F) who has been saying she's had a crush on him since she was 12...should I tell my best friend what I saw or keep my mouth shut?? + UPDATE | Relationship_Advice | [ORIGINAL](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/nblv6w/i_17f_saw_my_best_friends_dad_30sm_with_a_girl/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) by [u/throwRAalexsfriend](http://www.reddit.com/u/throwRAalexsfriend)
Hey everyone. So my best friend's name is Alex (we're both 17f). When we were younger (11-12ish) we had this friend named "Lauren". Alex has a really big house and a lot of cool stuff so about every week we would have a sleepover in her den. It would be me and her, lauren, and a few other girls. Lauren started saying that she had a crush on Alex's dad...which we all thought was weird but just kinda ignored...then it got weirder and she was saying that she wanted to have kids with him and everything so Alex finally talked to her and told her she thought the whole thing was weird and if she kept saying stuff like that she wasn't going to be able to come to her house anymore.
Lauren stopped and everything was fine for a while but then we just sort of naturally grew apart from Lauren, we were still friends with her and everything but she didn't really come over or anything. She'd still talk about Alex's dad, though, just not directly to Alex. At one point she said she had given him a bl*w job but he wasn't even in the country when she said it had happened (he had been on vacation with Alex and her sisters).
Anyway yesterday my brother and I went to the mall kind of far away and I saw Lauren and Alex's dad and they were clearly together and were acting like really affectionate and everything. My brother told me that we need to keep our mouths shut about this because it's none of our business but I really don't see how I can't tell Alex about this?? even though I know she's going to tell her mom if I tell her, but shouldn't her mom know?? I feel like I'm betraying Alex if I don't tell her and if she finds out I knew without telling her it would end our friendship.
edit to answer: yes he’s still married to Alex’s mom and no he’s not exactly 30 I said 30s Bc I don’t know exactly how old he is, my dad is 43 and I know her dad is a little younger.
I have a pic of Alex’s dad and lauren together
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/nii9r5/i_17f_saw_my_best_friends_dad_30sm_with_a_girl/)
Sorry about the long update time, it’s been a little crazy.
I told Alex last Friday after school and showed her the picture. She immediately wanted to find lauren and confront her, but once she calmed down we decided we should go to Alex’s mom first.
Alex’s mom is a really calm lady, but when we went and told her mom what id seen and I showed her the picture she was like “that son of a bitch! That son of a bitch!” And started getting really upset.
apparently Alex’s dad had cheated on his mom before and the girls he’s been showing interest in have been getting like...younger and younger. So she’s had suspicions for a while.
(At this point I’d left but the rest I know from what Alex told me and her mom has told my mom, id told my mom about this whole situation like right after I posted here). So Alex’s mom calls her dad and was like you need to come home NOW.
So she confronted him about it and told him “one of your daughters friends saw you out with another woman” and get this ALEXS DAD THOUGHT IT WAS LAUREN WHO HAD CONFRONTED HER as a way to blow up his spot I guess and cause trouble in his marriage?? So he immediately is like “you know that girl (lauren) has been causing issues for years, she’s a liar, this is why we banned her from our house” and stuff like that and he kept denying it and even when Alex’s mom told him it wasn’t lauren who told her he was still denying so she showed him the picture and he FLIPPED OUT and Alex called me crying and I could hear her parents SCREAMING at each other so she came to stay with us.
So according to my mom Alex’s mom kicked her dad out and said it was over, he was never seeing the kids again, she was going to call the cops. So he starts calling Alex and she answers once and is like “don’t fucking ever call me again” and then sets him on dnd.
Alex’s mom called Lauren’s mom and Lauren’s mom also flipped out, she had her suspicions something had been going on with lauren but lauren was being super secretive and her mom wasn’t able to put it together until Alex’s mom called her and told her literally everything we had told her including all of the stuff lauren had said when we were younger, I guess Alex’s mom told her to look for notebooks or texts from a while ago and talk to lauren to see if they can find anything that would show him and lauren had a relationship before she was 18. Lauren hasn’t been in school since but she sent both me and Alex nasty messages on WhatsApp saying that we were bitches and that Alex is going to end up a fat c*nt like her mom (her mom is gorgeous and so is Alex) and basically telling me that since I “outed” her relationship with Alex’s dad (she grossly called him by his first name, idk so weird) she was going to “out” me and Alex as lesbians (she actually called us GIGANTIC lesbians😂) but whatever we’re not getting mad at her bc it sounds like some pretty messed up stuff might’ve happened to her so even though I have my personal opinion about her right now I really don’t understand that much about psychology or anything so I just really hope she gets help if she needs it.
Alex and her mom are both doing as well as can be expected I guess. Alex’s mom got a lawyer and a therapist for Alex. Everyone at school knows what’s going on and it’s weird for her. She’s still going though and not pretending like nothing is happening, like she’s talking to people about it if they ask her so that helps. A few people are talking trash about lauren but mostly everyone agrees that Alex’s dad is the biggest/mostly only piece of shit here.
So that’s the update. Alex’s dad is kicked out, if they find proof he did stuff with lauren before she was 18 or if she speaks up theyre going to go to the cops, i know Alexs mom already called the local department and told them her suspicions.
Thanks for all the comments! My brother still thinks I should’ve kept my mouth shut 🙄 Ultimately I’m happy I told Alex. Obviously not that this blew up the way it did, but that everything is out in the open now and everyone can start getting the help they need.
Editing to add I also think my brother doesn’t think I should’ve told because where we saw Alex’s dad and lauren was a mall pretty far away, and my brother and I weren’t technically supposed to drive that far from home so we got in a bit of trouble for that lol | red_earaches | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nilqit/i_17f_saw_my_best_friends_dad_30sm_with_a_girl/ | nilqit | 6,635 | 679 | [
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2021-05-23T05:00:15 | My (F 30s) friend (F 30s) asked my husband and I if we will “take her daughter (4) for a while” so that her and her husband can “work things out”. + UPDATE | Relationship_Advice | This one seems to be an ongoing problem that keeps escalating, so I started with the first post even though the update is about the second post. I will keep updating as the OP updates.
Posts from u/ThrowRA92671
[PREQUEL: My (F 30s) friend (F 30s) is addicted to video games, all she does is play video games, and now she is making her child do nothing but play video games.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/nbxsq4/my_f_30s_friend_f_30s_is_addicted_to_video_games/)
My friend plays video games every spare moment she has; unfortunately, I’m not exaggerating this at all. She does so at the expense of everything else in her life. She neglects to do anything but the basics for her child, has exchanged real life friendships for in-game friendships, and her games have become her #1 priority above even her child and husband.
Now, she has started sitting her child in front of video games and having the child play for all hours during the days and evenings. Her child is bright, smart, and clearly wants to do something more with my friend, but video games are the only thing the child gets.
There have been a few times when I’ve been speaking to my friend, and I can hear her child in the background saying things like “mommy I’m hungry I want breakfast”, and my friend will tell her child to wait, mommy needs to finish something in the game first.
I’m at a point now where I’m not only worried about the state of our friendship, but also worried for her child’s well being. I don’t think she is neglecting her child in the sense of failing to feed or anything like that, but the poor kid basically spends the days tucked away in a corner of the house playing video games and entertaining themselves. Sadly, my friend’s husband is no different, and spends most of his time on video games.
I’ve tried to talk to my friend in the past about my concerns, and though she has agreed that her gaming is excessive, she always gets defensive and says something along the lines of “I’m trying to get better why isn’t that good enough”.
I’m a gamer myself, so I’m not the “video games are evil” type of person, but her playing is out of control. She works for 8 hours a day, and then games from when she’s off work until late into the night. I’ve even seen her playing during work hours (she works from home). Weekends are spent on video games.
How do I approach her about this? It’s eating away at me, watching my friends’ life crumble, and watching her child pushed aside like that, all for the sake of video games. I know that she’s an adult, and she can make her own decisions, but as her friend, I feel like not saying something is doing a disservice to her and our friendship.
HELP.
[ORIGINAL: My (F 30s) friend (F 30s) asked my husband and I if we will “take her daughter (4) for a while” so that her and her husband can “work things out”.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ngwt5w/my_f_30s_friend_f_30s_asked_my_husband_and_i_if/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
I posted about a week ago about my friend who is addicted to video games and does nothing else, and I was worried that she was putting her daughter aside/also making her daughter just sit in a corner to play video games all day.
Unfortunately, I was right, but the situation is actually worse than I thought.
I spoke to my friend about my concerns, and she broke down, telling me how much she hates being a mother, wishes she never had her daughter, and how much having a child ruined her and her husband’s life. She didn’t come right out and say that she’s been neglecting her daughter, but we had a very long phone conversation, and as I listened to what she was saying, it became very clear that her daughter is not properly cared for.
For the sake of keeping this short, here’s my dilemma: during our conversation, she asked me if my husband and I would be willing to take her daughter for a while in order for her and her husband to work on their relationship and their lives.
Her daughter is the same age as my son, we FaceTime frequently, and they really like each other. Her daughter is also such a sweet little girl, very well behaved, smart, and just all around a very wonderful 4-year-old. However, my friend lives halfway across the country, which means her daughter would be here completely without her parents, and they would not even be able to visit. Also, when I asked my friend how long “a while” would be, she can’t give me a firm answer. She said something along the lines of “maybe just a month or two, maybe longer...it would be so cute of our kids could go to school together!” In her province, kids don’t go to school until 5, but where I live, they go to school at 4, so it sounds like she intends for me to keep her daughter for much longer than just a month or two.
I’m so conflicted. On one hand, having a second kid here to care for would be difficult for me, even though she’s well behaved, and I do work 40+ hours a week (from home) so I know it would be doubling the work for me. On the other hand, I know that the only family my friend and her husband have out there is her husband’s parents, who are much older and not willing to take their daughter at all. I’m sick to my stomach thinking of this poor girl stuck in that house with who-knows-what going on.
My husband and I have been talking about it, and we just can’t come to a decision. He feels the same as me: their daughter needs a better stable living situation, and we can give that to her, but should we?
Any advice and/or opinions would be much appreciated. I feel like outside perspectives would be very helpful! Thank you.
Edit to add: My friend’s husband is of the same mindset as my friend. He is currently a stay at home dad, not of his own choice, but simply because he lost his job shortly after covid happened. He cares for their daughter during the day, but has openly admired how much he hates it. My friend is the one that strong armed him into having a child (which, to me, is ridiculous, as my opinion is that you shouldn’t allow someone to force you into doing something you don’t want), and he has admitted that he doesn’t enjoy being a dad.
I also want to add that both my friend and her husband seem to be addicted to video games and put those over their daughter’s needs. An example would be how they refused to get the daughter a new mattress (the one she is sleeping on is over 20 years old) saying that the cost was too high (you can get a single mattress for $100-$200 at most), but a month later they bought themselves a PS5 each (just over $1400 for both). Their daughter is definitely at the bottom of their priorities.
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/nix16a/update_my_f_30s_friend_f_30s_asked_my_husband_and/)
First, I want to say thank you to everyone who weighed in on the original post. A lot of people pointed out things that we had not thought of initially. Also shout out to r/legaladvice the one person who commented was a world of help!
This is longer than I meant it to be, so bear with me...
After a lot of consideration, and talking to my brother (social worker, works for CAS), my husband and I decided that we would not take the daughter, even for “just a visit”. It was a very difficult decision to make, and even now, I’m not 100% certain it’s the right one. We called my friend yesterday, made sure her husband joined on the call, and we laid out all of our concerns, and told them both that while they are always welcome to visit as a family, we just can’t take their daughter by herself. My friend was very upset, she actually walked away (we were on FaceTime...thought it best to talk face to face as best as we could) and refused to come back to the phone for most of the conversation. Very immature, but I can’t say it wasn’t expected of her. We talked mostly to her husband, explained our reasons (too many to get into here), and then told him that if they have things they need to work on, they need to work on them as a family unit. I was also very blunt, and told them that in no way would we be taking their daughter just for them to live like a child-free couple and spend all of their waking moments playing video games.
When my friend did eventually come back to the call, I told her that she has a serious problem with video games and she needs to get her shit together, not just for herself, but for her daughter. I might have been too harsh - I got pretty angry with her at one point - but when she tried to pull the “no one else seems to care about my video game playing” card (referencing the fact that our mutual friends just don’t say anything to her about it), I reminded her that I have always been the friend to be honest with her and give her tough love. I told her that she and her husband need to get themselves into therapy, and do better - as partners, as parents, and as people.
When we hung up after almost 2 hours of talking, I was hopeful that we got through to them, and they would start to get it together.
This was all yesterday. Today, her sister sent me a message on Facebook to tell me that my friend’s daughter will be visiting with her in about two weeks for “a month or so” to spend time with her kids during the summer, and asked if I wanted to plan something with the daughter for a week or two while she was there.
I was stunned. My friend’s sister (who I’ll just call “sister” from now on) is a single mother with three kids of her own. I thought she was still in a two bedroom apartment, but just found out that she recently moved to a three bedroom house (she posted about it on Facebook, but I honestly hardly go on there at all). I immediately called sister to tell her everything. Sister had no idea that my friend had approached me first about watching her daughter, and when I told sister about everything that happened, and about the post on Reddit (read some comments to her), she was PISSED. She said that my friend framed it to her that she simply wanted her daughter and sister’s kids to spend more time together so that she could “know her cousins better” since they’re so far apart. I warned sister about everything brought up on Reddit, and by the time we were done talking, she had decided to not have the daughter visit.
She must have called my friend and told her all of this, because just about an hour ago, I got a screaming angry phone call from my friend, telling me I was a horrible friend for doing what I did, and for not being there for her when she needed me. I said nothing, I was speechless, and after just a few minutes, she hung up on me.
Now, I’m sitting here sick with worry about her daughter, and unsure of what to do next. I think a call to CAS is needed, but beyond that: what do I do? Is there even anything else I can do? I’m lost, guys, and so scared for that little girl.
EDIT: I will be calling CAS tomorrow, and reporting my friend (with the help of my brother). I’m just not sure if there’s anything else I can be doing on top of that. | red_earaches | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nj0gnb/my_f_30s_friend_f_30s_asked_my_husband_and_i_if/ | nj0gnb | 11,063 | 524 | [
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2021-05-23T17:22:37 | The Courtney Saga | JustNoFamily | **Actual Post**: [Entitled Cousin wants me to pay for her wedding](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/comments/d5l096/entitled_cousin_wants_me_to_pay_for_her_wedding/)
by u/sunnykl
Strap in and let me tell you about my Entitled Cousin and Entitled Aunt. We're going to call them Cousin Courtney and Aunt Ellen.
My mother passed away a few years back. Being an only child whose father had passed a decade earlier, everything got left to me. This should surprise nobody. It surprised Aunt Ellen and her hellspawn Cousin Courtney. In fact, they thought it was horrifically unfair.
My mother was mentally ill, untreated and abusive. I was frequently low contact with her over the course of my adult life, and she often tried to make me feel bad about this by fawning over Cousin Courtney. Why? Who the heck knows. She was mentally ill. Trying to make sense of my late mother is not a productive activity. Before she passed, she'd often take Cousin Courtney on trips with her because double occupancy isn't much more than going by yourself. Whatever, no skin off my nose. However, once she passed Aunt Ellen got it in her head that Cousin Courtney should get a share of the estate so she could keep taking trips on my mother's dime. Um, wut? No. Hard no. This caused a good bit of fit tossing and family strife.
Cousin Courtney even tried to sue me in small claims for the cost of a trip my mother had been talking about taking her on before she passed. Cousin Courtney didn't show up to the court date and lost by default. Apparently she didn't think she needed to for some reason and was very upset about it. I wasn't real thrilled by the lost vacation day, so my sympathy was beyond limited.
Anyway, I mostly ignore all this and roll on with my life. I'm used to crazy and ignoring it. Cut to last month. Aunt Ellen calls me to inform me that Cousin Courtney has gotten engaged. I make appropriate noises while thinking to myself the poor sod has made a terrible mistake. Aunt Ellen then makes this bizarre comment about sending her a check. I'm all, "Wut?" According to Aunt Ellen, my mother had promised Cousin Courtney money for her wedding should she ever get married. Now this seems ridiculous to me on multiple fronts. I am not my mother. My mother gave many a rant on how foolish it was to waste down-payment of a house level money on a wedding. She's a bit dead at this point, so whatever she promised died with her. I say no a lot and stop answering calls/emails from this diseased branch of the family tree.
Some backstory, Aunt Ellen and I already had bad blood about weddings. She uninvited me to a previous family wedding, then told everybody there I was a rude no show (another whole shaggy dog story of insanity). My level of interest in writing her a large check for Cousin Courtney's wedding is somewhere below my interest in poking a nest of yellowjackets while naked, and the chances of it happening after the lawsuit are somewhere around my cats not yowling at the fridge when dinner's late.
Let's also pause to acknowledge that the wedding plans are intense. We're talking destination wedding at an expensive resort, multiple photographers, out of season flowers, designer everything and so forth. Her idea of what she needs for a wedding approximates something they'd cover on one of those cable channels that has convinced people 10K dresses are reasonable. My own wedding was extremely small because we prioritized paying off student loans. There's no reason anybody reasonable would think I'd buy into this level of Instagram dream wedding being necessary, but this community isn't about reasonable people.
Cousin Courtney then lands on my doorstep. I foolishly let her in and hear her out. Mind you, this is an adult who is engaged to be married and a doctor in a particularly highly compensated specialty. She probably makes triple what I do unless she's being screwed by her employer. She doesn't know what to do. Aunt Ellen has cut her off. I can't fathom Aunt Ellen would ever do this, so I'm a bit gobsmacked. Cousin Courtney has gotten everything she's ever requested in life by tossing tantrums until Aunt Ellen or her husband hand it over. Well, for once Aunt Ellen has drawn the line. Apparently Cousin Courtney planned the entire wedding without consulting with Aunt Ellen under the assumption she'd get as much money as her half-sister had for her wedding (the one I was uninvited from). Turns out, no. That money had come from the other side of the family, and Cousin Courtney has to pay up or she'll lose her deposits. Aunt Ellen has refused to help claiming she can't remortgage the house again. She's done it too many times already to buy things for Cousin Courtney, and the money just isn't there.
My position is that this is not my problem, but Cousin Courtney has never budgeted in her life. Has no idea how. Aunt Ellen is still kicking in money to her rent monthly so she can live in a "safe" building with a doorman. So I make a terrible mistake. See, I advise college students professionally. One of the modules I have is on financial planning. So I whip that baby out and sit down with Cousin Courtney to talk about how to set up a budget and save for her dream wedding. There's no way she and hubby-to-be can't do this with their combined incomes if they buckle down and plan for it. This is where things get really nuts.
Cousin Courtney's expenses are batshit crazy. She lives on takeout and multiple caramel soy calorie bomb coffee drinks a day. She needs those because her work as a doctor is so stressful! She has a country club membership that costs a thousand a month (most of that is a food minimum at the restaurant). She can't cancel that! The initiation fee was a graduation present! She'd have to pay it again to re-join and where would she golf? It's members only and the closest to her hospital. Don't I know she has to be nearby when she's on call? Her cable/internet bill is absurd as she gets every channel and the highest speed even though she's rarely home. She needs those because, uh, even she can't explain this one. She just needs it and she's not canceling one bit of it. What if she wants to watch something?
The real kicker is her cell phone plan. It's an absurd unlimited plan that's priced higher than current rates with her carrier. All she's gotta do to save herself some money each month is call them up and switch to the new plan. She won't do it. Why? Mommy always deals with her cell plan, she hates calling customer service people, she hates being on hold, it's just not that much money and she can't ask mommy to do it because she's not talking to mommy since she got cut off. Really? Yes, really.
This is around where I realized all she's done this entire time is whine about how expensive everything is and refuse to do anything constructive. Her reason for agreeing to go through this budgeting exercise was to show me how poor she is and how much she *needs* me to cough up the money for her wedding. My motive was to get her to finally do a bit of adulting. She was decidedly uninterested in that. You can't help somebody who won't help themselves. It's just not possible. Once she realized I wasn't going to be writing a check, she dried up the crocodile tears and flounced. There was some very unfortunate name calling as well.
The final coda to this absurd drama is that she made up with mommy. No, mommy didn't switch her to a cheaper cell phone plan and get her sorted out with a budget. Aunt Ellen called using an unfamiliar number to tell me how mean I was to her precious spoiled brat, and that my mother would have wanted her to have a perfect wedding. Uh... no. She's probably very mad I hung up on her, but feh. I have new numbers to block.
Hopefully the story ends here. I'm used to being the black sheep. Add this to the list of reasons I'm horrid.
If you're wondering what I did with the money, it's not just sitting around waiting for a greedy cousin to take it. My mortgage is much smaller now.
Thank you for listening. I needed to get that out of my system.
tl;dr: Massively entitled cousin thinks I should give her my inheritance to pay for vacations and her wedding because she can't possibly cancel her country club membership or be held to a budget. Where would she golf? But her super expensive coffee habit! Her mother enables. I say no a lot.
**Update -** [Cousin Courtney's wedding is off](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/comments/ddoni4/cousin_courtneys_wedding_is_off/)
An update on the post [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/comments/d5l096/entitled_cousin_wants_me_to_pay_for_her_wedding/) where my Cousin Courtney and Aunt Ellen for some reason think my late mother's estate money should pay for Cousin Courtney's wedding. I said no no no. That was long. This is short and sweet.
The wedding is off. The "happy" couple fought so much about the wedding plans they broke up.
I'm still the back sheep, but I'm giggling.
ETA: Talked to the gossipmonger uncle last night. Hubby to be fled. The story goes that they'd been fighting about the wedding costs for some time, and a big payment was due on the venue. They had to pay up or lose their initial deposit and booking. She wanted to pay without any idea where they were getting the rest. He wanted to cut their losses and lose the deposit. It all came to a big ugly head and he ended things entirely because she wouldn't back down. Hopefully, they stay broken up. I'm told they've broken up a few times before, so no guarantee this one sticks.
**Next Chapter -** [She's Back: Cousin Courtney](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/comments/hayy06/shes_back_cousin_courtney/)
For those who have followed the [saga](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/comments/diom9f/cousin_courtneys_halfsisters_wedding/) of [Cousin](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/comments/d5l096/entitled_cousin_wants_me_to_pay_for_her_wedding/) [Courtney](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/comments/ddoni4/cousin_courtneys_wedding_is_off/) and her [dimwit](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/comments/bb906b/please_leave_theres_an_app_for_that/) [parents](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/comments/ew8wl6/i_hope_this_is_the_end/), I regret to inform you she was briefly back in my life and as absurd as ever.
So it was a workday and I was waiting for a Zoom meeting with my intern, yay social distancing. I've never even met her in person, but my intern is still awesome. She instant messages me she's having trouble connecting and to hang on while she tries some things. The little joys of everybody working from home are truly without number.
An unfamiliar account pops up in my personal room waiting room (which, sadly, my workplace makes really easy to find), so I assume it's my intern trying from some other account she has. Big mistake. Up pops the window and there is Cousin Courtney with a big smile on her face acting like we're somehow speaking. Now you're probably going to tell me I should have instantly booted her, and you'd be right. I should have. Boredom and curiosity got the better of me, and I knew getting rid of her was only a click or two away.
She flat out pretended we were on great terms and started making socially awkward small talk. I humored this for a bit before asking her why she'd contacted me. Well, her parents are having their 50th wedding anniversary coming up soon, and she wants to do something special for them. Um, sure. They've always wanted to go on a cruise, and she wants to send them on one!
Let's pause for a moment to note we're in the middle of a pandemic, they're in their late 70s, and this self-centered brat is a doctor. She wants to put them on a cruise ship? Is she looking to get her inheritance faster? Okay, back to the story.
So she starts blathering on about the cruise she's picked out, how amazing it will be, dream come true and blah blah blah rainbows. Uh, sure, what does this have to do with me? Well... she knows things have been "tense" between us and she thinks my donating to the cruise would be a great way to reconcile.
Hold up buttercup, reconcile? Who the in their right mind things I want that? You're on my work zoom because I literally have you and them blocked everywhere else. And you expect me to donate to a cruise?
Yes, she really did. That way we could be faaamily again! Long sales pitch of nonsense short, she wanted $2000 from me to fund this. Even worse, she mentioned others she'd been asking to donate and includes her half-sister in the list. Her half-sister was laid off in March because she works in an industry shut down by the pandemic and has two kids she's desperately trying to support. Asking me is a pointless waste of time. Asking her half-sister is downright cruel. I told her this flat out. She whined a lot about how I just don't understand what it means to be married (sorry, hubby, you apparently don't count) and how important celebrating that is.
Around when she was working herself up into tears, my intern managed to send me a connection request. I was very firm that I wouldn't be donating, asked her not to contact me at work ever again, hung up on Cousin Courtney, and had a lovely chat with my intern.
I was admittedly a little baffled by Cousin Courtney even wanting to give her parents an expensive gift. She's never been known for being generous. Since it's a pandemic and I'm bored, I decided to call my gossip-monger uncle who always knows everything and ask what he knew about this (other than the gossip, he's pretty great; just have to keep him on an info diet). Turns out she was soliciting the whole family for donations, and *she was planning on going on the cruise with them*.
Worse, since she lost so much money in deposits when she cancelled her wedding and something I didn't totally get involving an abandoned lease with the now ex since they're broken up, her gift was going to be planning everything. Everybody else donating was doing the paying for her dream cruise vacation with her parents.
Suddenly the world makes perfect sense.
I'd also like to report there's no way to block people with Zoom, and my workplace basically publishes our personal room links. This seems sub-ideal. If you're in a similar situation, turn on your waiting room by default and be careful out there!
**Update -** [Cousin Courtney and Cruise Cash Grab](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/comments/j3xq1o/update_cousin_courtney_and_the_cruise_cash_grab/)
[Last we heard from Cousin Courtney](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/comments/hayy06/shes_back_cousin_courtney/), she was trying to pull together a 50th wedding anniversary cruise for her parents (and her) and make me pay for a large chunk of it. I wasn't down with that. She whined a lot about family and how important it is to celebrate a marriage that lasted this long. I blew her off.
Well, hold onto your hats and glasses, Aunt Ellen and Uncle Dimwit aren't legally married. To each other anyhow. Uncle Dimwit is still legally married to the woman we all thought was his ex-wife and mother of Cousin Courtney's half-sister, Cousin Jessica. Yes, you read that right, they are having a 50th anniversary of having held a ceremony that was not a legal wedding and the"groom" is still to this day married to his "ex" wife.
This all came out because Cousin Courtney apparently really was trying to send them (including her) on a cruise and found a cheaper option that was some kind of special deal for couples having a big anniversary (I read this as pandemic lack of bookings caused all sorts of random deals to be rolled out). So she needed a copy of the marriage license. After a lot of awkwardness, they eventually had to admit they had none. The story goes that Uncle Dimwit's ex didn't want to go to the trouble of or pay for a divorce and he's too much of a dimwit to think to get one in abstentia, so they just ignored that he was still married. He figured the ex would want to remarry one day and be willing to do the paperwork then. Aunt Ellen was in her we live in a commune and don't want the government in our lives flower child days, so had no objection to the wedding not being legal. Time passed and it never got handled.
Nobody in the family ever knew. They thought they went to a real wedding. Pretty much everybody is really angry about being lied to for all these years. Cousin Courtney is completely thrown out of whack by this and fairly inconsolable - for once in my life I have some genuine sympathy for her. They've been lying to her for her whole life and it does actually have to be totally bewildering for her.
I'm apparently still the black sheep (baaaa) because I should have somehow known and told Cousin Courtney. Um, I was not born yet when they married. How the hell was I supposed to know this? Why would I have ever checked on their marital status? My entire life I was told they were married. I saw wedding pictures? There's also a weird side of Aunt Ellen blaming me for her finding out because it never would have happened if I'd just donated to the more expensive cruise in the first place. It just can't be a Cousin Courtney story without a side of WTF?
Luckily I've successfully ducked Cousin Courtney and the rest having drama about all this. I only know they're mad from emails I'm not replying to and chats with Gossipmonger Uncle. This is the plan going forward. Do not engage with crazy.
Am I absolutely horrible for laughing my ass off here? Aunt Ellen has been so holier-than-thou and self-righteous at me about everything my entire life, and she's been lying about her marital status since before I was born! | TheHadMatter10 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/njcdny/the_courtney_saga/ | njcdny | 17,653 | 585 | [
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2021-05-24T13:31:02 | AITA for not compromising with my best friends girlfriend + UPDATE | AITA | [ORIGINAL](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/krs7bx/aita_for_not_compromising_with_my_best_friends/) by a deleted account
Hi. I (23f) have been best friends with a guy, ill call him Steve (23m) since high school. Steve recently got with a girl let's call her Eva (22f). Steve and I have always been very close. We would have sleepovers very often at each other's houses, we'd always go on dates jokingly pretending we are a couple, our families would joke we'd marry each other and it has been a running inside joke since then. but it was never anything more than a joke. I have no interest with him and clearly neither does he.
He got with Eva a year ago and since then things have changed a lot. Steve said Eva felt uncomfortable with our pda. One time I'm made one of those inside jokes in front of her and I could tell she was upset. Steve said that Eva feels really uncomfortable that boundaries in their relationship are non existent but I'm a firm believer that boundaries are an excuse to hide insecurities. Steve told me some boundaries should be set because he really cares about Eva and sees a future in her and he said he would be a hypocrite to let this behavior between us going because if Eva did the same with one of her male friends he'd feel uncomfortable too.
I'm not willing to really compromise any boundaries with her to be honest, he's my best friend and that's how we act, I can't change the way I act around my best friend because of her. I understand how she might feel uncomfortable but why should I be the one to accommodate to a new reality and not her? I would respect Steve's boundaries if he was the one bothered but he's not, he's doing it not because he wants to but because of Eva. And I would be willing to let it go if I knew Eva's intentions better but I'm afraid she's just trying to start something else here. She is generally a very insecure person and she has admitted some of her insecurities in the past but I can't let someone's insecurities get inbetween me and my bestie.
AITA for refusing to compromise with bsf's girlfriend
Edit : I wanna mention another thing that happened last year. Steve and his parents usually go on a small trip at the beginning of February. Last year before covid hit they went to their trip but while usually I was the one who would join them, suddenly Eva took my place. Can you imagine how hurt I was? Steve said that he was clear that his girlfriend is a potential wife and is encouraging her to get close to his family if she's about to become family. He had said that before he met Eva though, he was trying to clear up his own mindset on how he views these situations. I didn't think he actually meant it. I was upset but I let it go this once because I did not want to fight with him. And before you ask there was no place for me to join because they used one small car and it was Steve, Eva, Steve's younger sibling and his parents.
Edit2: thank you for the feedback. Or backlash. Whatever. I still find it hard to understand what's happening and I still find it hard to see how I'm in the wrong but I will try to reflect. I'll call Steve tomorrow and apologise for my stance and try to make things better. I'm sure I'll have to pretend for a while but I hope it gets better for me in the long run. I want him as a friend and I want his love and affection however he chooses to give it to me. I don't want to lose him. I'll try but I can't promise the outcome will be positive for me or for him. Let's hope for the best. I'll call him tomorrow and maybe I'll post an update.
[UPDATE (in the same post)](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/krs7bx/aita_for_not_compromising_with_my_best_friends/)
Thank you so much for your feedback. Most of it was harsh but it was a good slap in the face. I called Steve trying to discuss the matter. I still can't fully process what has happened but I'm trying to understand my wrong doings. I apologised to him. I said that I'll stay in my lane. He says he accepts the apology but he doesn't think he can be "best friends" after that because he doesn't fully trust my intentions.
I am heartbroken because I never thought my actions would also be my downfall. He says we can remain friends but on a more lowkey manner without one on one hangouts and without random calls out of nowhere. He says he still cares about me but even if he broke up with Eva he still views me as a danger to any potential romantic partner and relationship he may have in the future. His friends won't talk to me. Only some common friends we have and some of them are on my side but I guess it's not looking well for them either because Steve mentioned something about not letting people get away with enabling my behavior.
He also told me to stay away from his family because he's scared of how I might manipulate them into taking my side. His family is now aware of all of it and they're mad at me, especially his mom. They say they feel used because I used their care to bring another person down. Eva won't accept any apology and Steve said she's not obligated to because she's the most disrespected. He told me not to bother calling or texting her because I might make things worse. This is horrible and I now realise the consequences because I feel I lost a friend. We did not completely cut off our friendship but we are certainly not close at all right now. I think what's gonna follow up is us completely falling apart in the following months and never speaking again. That's it. | red_earaches | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/njy180/aita_for_not_compromising_with_my_best_friends/ | njy180 | 5,519 | 522 | [
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2021-05-24T14:26:10 | the man [m40s] who groomed me [28f] as a teen is now a prominent public figure that has a lot of access to kids/teens + UPDATE | Relationship_Advice | [ORIGINAL](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/k3mnsb/the_man_m40s_who_groomed_me_28f_as_a_teen_is_now/) by u/moondream451
I will attempt to keep this brief.
When I was around 13 I played a whole bunch of WoW and spent a lot of downtime in an area of the game where (at least then) a lot of weird folks would gather for like..erotic roleplay or just generally being inappropriate. A guy spoke to me there and we played the game together for a while. We eventually graduated to speaking to each other on Ventrilo, which is basically like a bare-bones Discord (voice chat software). He would try to get me to talk dirty to him but I was super shy and terrified that he would reject me when I told him my age. I ended up saying I was 15 and he was cool with it. I was relieved. I never really engaged in what he wanted, but he'd make it into a one-sided thing and say creepy stuff to me for hours on end. He would send me photos and videos of himself (usually pleasuring himself) and ask the same of me. I don't believe I ever complied (I say believe because the year this occurred, as well as the one prior and after were extremely traumatic for me so some shit has been blocked out). Of course, I thought this made me cool and mature.
He eventually (for whatever reason.. I guess he's a fucking idiot) would complain about his wife, his kids (the oldest of which was closer in age to me than he was), etc. Just from talking to him over time, I knew about his marital problems, what he did for work, even his first and last name. I thought I was in love with him and would cry listening to lovey music because I figured we'd never be together. If it wasn't obvious, I was a pretty isolated kid (my friend had just killed herself a few months prior to all of this happening) and my internet activity wasn't monitored by my hands-off parents.
Over time he stopped talking to me. I don't know if he got a conscience or what, but it ended. I was heartbroken but of course eventually got over it. I pretty much forgot about him until recently when I noticed his full name in a regional Facebook group I'm in, since I semi-recently moved to the country he's lived in all this time. I opened his profile and it's definitely him. He appears to have divorced said wife and is now with another woman who has young children.
Problem is, after looking at his profile I realized he's part of an organization that deals with at risk youth..mostly teenagers. Now I guess I don't have any reason to believe that he's still being predatory, but this makes me super uneasy. I have zero proof of what he did to me, so I wonder if I should just forget about this. It's been harder to forget since his online persona is very much a "I'm a great guy! I'm so caring!" .. very self-congratulatory and obnoxious to the point where it seems very insincere.
Should I just let it go? Is there anyone I can tell? Should tell? I feel dumb for even asking but it's hard to shake the bad feeling I have about this. I'm pretty much over the trauma it caused me (upon the realization that he was in fact a predator.. didn't realize that until years later) but I really don't want it to continue over to more kids.
Edit: The consensus seems to be to report in some capacity, which I will look into doing. I didn't think of providing those specific details he told me about his life to show that I at least knew him during that time. Thanks guys. I'll update when I can.
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/njx8w5/update_the_man_m40s_who_groomed_me_28f_as_a_teen/)
tl;dr for that post is basically in the title, honestly, but my takeaway from the responses i received was to report.
i'll be honest that it took me a while to get to the point where i wanted to report this guy, mostly because i lacked concrete proof. any screenshots or videos i might have had from then were on a laptop i haven't seen since moving out long ago. it wasn't until i thought about all of this again, looked at his socials, and saw so many obnoxious "facebook mom" style posts with messages to the effect of "everyone deserves forgiveness and a second chance" that i got angry again and decided to go forward with it.
i vaguely remembered my laptop was given to my grandmother who never ended up using it because she wasn't particularly tech savvy. i was able to retrieve it back and access my old files from these days (after having to purchase a new battery but fortunately i was able to get it running because she tucked it away into a corner and never touched it but to dust it), which included ONE piece of proof - transcripts (really just screenshots) i saved from our in-game whispers and in-game mail. i remember saving them as "omg he loves me" things to look back on, but reading them now was of course disgusting. even better news is that he talked about his wife (now ex) BY NAME in it (in order to tell me that i'm so much better than her), that he doesn't care that i'm young/that it's refreshing, AND his own name. he used to have a habit of trying to get me to say via voice "i want you to fuck me, [his name]" and the screenshots included him giving me that "script." so i know this isn't as ironclad as a video with his face in it or anything, but i felt like it could be enough.
i sent a message to the organization he's a part of through their general line that i recently came into the knowledge that a member of their org was someone who mistreated me as a child and i was concerned due to his proximity with children, even though it's mostly virtual at the moment (not that it stopped him before). i left a generic sounding email address as my contact that i had made shortly before sending the message.
i honestly didn't expect to get a response, since those sorts of contact webforms are usually poorly managed versus a direct email, but they only had that option or a phone number to call. i heard back in a few days from a woman (this weirdly calmed me) who was very sympathetic and requested the information i had. i was then able to email back and forth a couple of times with what i had and some background, and to answer questions she had. i expressed my need for anonymity and made it clear that i'm looking for nothing other than awareness on their part. she said she'd verify the information provided and asked me if i intended to take legal action, to which i said no. fortunately none of my screenshots were cropped, so the game mail screenshots had the date/time showing on my toolbar WITH the age of the mail as it appeared in my inbox at the time.
anyway, long story short, after about a week she emailed me again to let me know that the information had been forwarded to all of the "correct" parties, and thanked me. what that means exactly i have no idea, but i verified with her that this didn't include law enforcement. i haven't received an email since then. i've kept myself from looking at the guy's socials or anything but noticed his sudden absence from the facebook group for said organization that he used to post daily in. i became a member of that group when covid hit and before i knew about any of this, which prompted this whole thing as i recognized and remembered him.
i'd like to say i have some grand story about another broken marriage, a highly public firing, etc., but i'm trying to move on for my own mental health and don't believe any of that happened..he must've either stepped down or was fired quietly. i "verified" this by checking their official website to see his position vacant, and then taken over by another person a couple of days later. i'm really not eager to involve myself further, but i'm relieved that it seemed to take and change has happened. i know the fact that he got away with this with me even the once is a great injustice and can only hope it did not extend too far beyond that.. i still have feelings of guilt about not pursing anything earlier, even though i had totally blocked out his existence until somewhat recently. i hope that the time it took me to get my laptop back and running, as well as the time taken to share the information i had, didn't allow him more time to continue that kind of behavior. sorry for the novel, but it felt good to get all of this out since i haven't really discussed it with anyone..somehow talking about it to people i know is 500 times more exhausting than relaying it here. thank you for reading this far, and thank you to those who encouraged me to do something about this without blaming me. i appreciate it.
tl;dr i tried my best to report while preserving my identity as much as i could with the evidence i had, and it appears he was fired or stepped down. | red_earaches | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/njz6zw/the_man_m40s_who_groomed_me_28f_as_a_teen_is_now/ | njz6zw | 8,696 | 351 | [
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2021-05-25T03:04:35 | Husband (28M) defended me against a friend who was making fun of me but I (28F) thought he hated me. + Update | Relationship_Advice | [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/n9sc3w/husband_28m_defended_me_against_a_friend_who_was/) by u/ThrowRAhatedwife
Throwaway account because I don't want this connected to my main account.
I'm so confused right now and I've recently been crying so I'm sorry if this comes out as all over the place and if the title is confusing. Also, I apologize for how long this is. And please excuse any typos, I'm just getting this all down without proofreading, so sorry in advance.
So I (28F) have been married to my husband (28M) for almost 2 years and dated for 2 years before we got engaged, then got married about a year later. Altogether, we've been together for about 5 years. We'll call him Daniel. Our marriage has not been easy to say the least these past couple of months but it wasn't always this way. The first year was absolute bliss and I was the happiest I've ever been, and I thought he was happy too. He seemed like he was: he was so affectionate, caring, respectful, loving, and just the best husband I could have ever asked for. I was the same and I didn't see any problems or anything, and looking back, I still don't, no matter how hard I think and try to see what made things go wrong.
About a year into our marriage, however, I noticed a change in him. He was more withdrawn and less affectionate with me. He's always been a very affectionate person (his love languages are physical touch and quality time) so him not being as affectionate as before worried me a bit. Thinking back, I realize I might have missed some 'signs' if that's what they are. Like most days he'd leave for work without a kiss goodbye and he used to do that all the time. It gradually became less and less and now I'm lucky if he leaves with a simple 'goodbye'.
The lack of affection grew over the next few months and then he started to become more cold towards me. I'm not sure if that's the right word. He wasn't mean or disrespectful at all, and most definitely not abusive in any shape or form. Just... cold. He'd barely smile at me, barely talked to me unless it was to ask a question or respond to one of my own. It was as if we were roommates rather than husband and wife and I was absolutely heartbroken. I started asking him if everything was alright because it's not like him to act this way. He'd brush me off and say he was just tired, or too much work to do, or other work troubles. When I'd try to help by asking what I could do, he'd say to give him some space. So I did.
I'd ask again in a couple weeks and I'd get the same response until one day when he was particularly upset. I approached him and touched his shoulder and he flinched away from me, shooting me a quick glare of sorts. I was shocked and hurt by this and I asked him what was wrong, why was he being like this, is everything ok? He didn't answer at first but I kept pressing (maybe I was wrong to do this.) before he finally sort of exploded. He went on a rant about lots of things bothering him which I had no idea about since he hadn't been talking to me, and I pointed that out to him. He got quiet and I once again asked him what was wrong. He always came to me when he was down and we'd work through whatever issue he was facing, and vice versa for me.
After a bit of probing and coaxing I finally got it out of him that he thinks he's fallen out of love with me. My heart broke into a million tiny pieces at that sentence and it obviously showed on my face since he gave a sort of frustrated huff and said that this was why he didn't want to say anything, because he knew it'd make me upset. I just asked why and what did I do wrong and he didn't answer, just gave an apology and left the house. I broke down after and was just crying all day. The love of my life just told me he had fallen out of love with me.
For the next few months up until a few days ago, we just lived together. Like roommates. I spent most of my days just cleaning around the house, just trying to hold back my sadness and not let him see me sad because he'd always get annoyed or frustrated. At least that's what I thought and assumed, since I thought he didn't care for me at all anymore. I believed this 100%, which is why I'm so confused about what happened a few days ago.
So this weekend we went out for the first time in a long time to go shopping for some Mother's Day gifts and just get some groceries. We bumped into one of his old friends, we'll call him Troy (28?M), and they were chatting the whole time by the store entrance. I went in to get the stuff we needed, paid, then made my way back to them. I think it should be said that I'm not particularly fond of this friend because he always struck me as a cocky asshole, but I never said anything since he's never been mean or anything to me so I felt it wasn't my place to say.
That is, he was never rude until this Saturday. I don't know if he picked up on the fact that we were pretty distant or something and assumed he was in the clear to make fun of me but that's the only explanation I can come up with. He turned to me with a smirk and looked me up and down. "Well, you've certainly looked better. What's wrong sugar? Did the old coot finally die and get poor little you all depressed? I don't blame him to be honest. If I was him, I'd much rather die than have to deal with *you*." He said with a disgusted look on his face. "And by the looks of it, Daniel's getting tired of you already too. About time if you ask me."
A little background: I was always very close to my grandpa as my father ditched my mom and I for another woman when I was young, and my mom was always hopping from man to man, so my grandfather was there to help me and practically raise me. I always felt guilty for depriving him of the last years of his life and I felt like he was never able to enjoy his retirement or the end of his life since he was taking care of me and used a lot of the money he saved up to help me with college. He died 6 months before Daniel proposed to me and said that he had gotten my grandfather's blessing to marry me, which made me so happy since I was thrilled that my grandfather approved of my relationship. I was very upset he missed my wedding and didn't get to walk me down the aisle and his death had me very down and upset for quite some time. That, along with everything that's happened in the past few months just hurt so badly.
He knew it would. I know he knew it would hurt me since he looked pretty satisfied after seeing my expression. Normally, I wouldn't let comments like this bother me but I've been so tired and heartbroken that this comment just.. broke me even more.
This is where I'm confused.
After Troy made his comment and started laughing, Daniel got **so mad**. I've never seen him this mad before. He went off on Troy, getting up in his face, calling him all sorts of names and just yelling so many different things, like how dare he hurt me among other things I could barely understand. A crowd was starting to form and I really didn't want any more attention. I just wanted to go home. I just tugged on his arm and begged, "Daniel, please. Leave it. Please, I want to go home." He looked at me for a few seconds before sort of snapping out of it and shooting one last glare at Troy before ushering me to the car. He drove in silence and I held myself together until we got home. I just ran inside and into my room (we were sleeping in separate rooms) before finally just breaking down sobbing.
Daniel knocked on the door a little while later and came in, just sat on the bed and pulled me into a hug. I froze and was just so confused about what was going on. This was the first physical interaction we've had in a long time. He just whispered that he was sorry a couple times but noticed how unresponsive I was being so he pulled away and just looked at me for a bit. I think he could tell how out of it I was so he said he would be downstairs if I needed anything and left me alone.
And that brings us to now, where I'm typing this up from my laptop. I'm just so lost. Daniel hasn't acted like this towards me in months and I'm so confused because I genuinely thought he hated me, or at the very least, disliked me. I don't know if this means he loves me not... can you fall back in love with someone after thinking you've fallen *out* of love with them? I'm probably not making any sense and I'm so sorry for that but I just don't know what's going on.
Does this mean he loves me again? Am I reading too much into it? What am I supposed to do now? And what are *we* supposed to do moving forward? I feel like I'm going crazy and have no idea what's going on. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance.
TL;DR: My husband told me he thought he was falling out of love with me a few months ago. We've continued to live together but barely interacted and I genuinely believed (believe?) he hated me, or at the very least, disliked me. This weekend, a friend of his made a very hurtful comment to me and Daniel blew up at him and defended me. We went home after I begged him to leave it alone and he came into my room while I was crying to comfort me but I was so confused and shocked since he hasn't shown any sign of caring about me or anything like that in months, so he left me alone but said if I needed anything to just let him know. Does this mean he doesn't hate me? Does he love me still? What do we do now?
**EDIT:** Hello everyone. First off, I want to thank everyone who commented and provided advice. It truly means a lot to me and you have all definitely given me a lot to think about.
As of right now, we still haven't talked much. He's checked in on me a few times, asking if I need anything but he's been giving me space I guess.
I decided that I'll sit down my husband this weekend and have a talk with him. I've come to realize that I deserve more, and at the very least, an honest answer so I know what to do next. I'm honestly just hoping it isn't anything bad, like him cheating on me, but I guess I'll find out soon. I also thought I'd address a couple questions and points that popped up pretty often:
* *If he doesn't love you anymore, why would you stay? Why wait for him to make the move and not just leave by yourself?*
* I think I didn't leave because I thought he would change his mind, or there was this little, tiny part of me that just hoped he'd come around. I also thought that the ball was in court: I mean, he was the one who said he fell out of love with me, so wouldn't that mean he should be the one to divorce me?
* *Have you considered that he may be cheating on you?*
* I'll be honest, the thought never even crossed my mind up until the suggestions starting appearing in the comments. I don't think he is, or at least, I hope he isn't. He barely leaves home except for work and when he's home, he just watches TV or plays video games. Of course, cheaters are supposed to make their spouse think that they aren't cheating...
* *Troy's attack was very direct. Do you think your husband has been talking bad about you behind your back?*
* I also never considered this. As I mentioned in my post, I never really liked Troy as he was always a bit passive aggressive towards me. He used to be Daniel's best friend so maybe it's a jealousy thing? Maybe he's upset that I stole him or something. I don't know, maybe he just hates me just because. But I do think it's a possibility that my husband has been talking bad about me because Troy's attack was very direct and very few people know about what happened with my grandpa, and how he 'knew' things were bad between Daniel and I.
* *Have you considered therapy/marriage counseling?*
* I haven't, but I think I might have to start doing so. Of course, it all depends on the outcome of this weekends' talk. I originally would have done anything to work things out, but after reading comments, I'm starting to doubt myself. I think it depends on the reason of why Daniel has been so distant and cold. If it's something bad, (cheating, talking bad about me) then I don't think I can recover from it and it'd be best for us to part ways. If it's something else like depression, which was has also been mentioned, I think I'd like to work things out and help him out if he decides to stay and work things out as well.
I'm sorry if I missed any other points. I'm probably not going to respond to anymore comments as I want to take some time to just reflect and prepare for the talk on Saturday. I will probably update then, or perhaps the week after to gather my thoughts based on how things go. Thank you so much to everyone who commented, it truly means a lot to me.
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/nkckhf/update_husband_28m_defended_me_against_a_friend/)
Hello everyone. I'm sorry if this update is late or comes later than expected. I wanted to take sometime to just let myself adjust and absorb everything. I hope you all understand. First off, I want to say thank you so much to everyone. I read every comment and while I couldn't answer every single one, I took them all into account and I really appreciate everything!
Now, onto the update. It's been almost two weeks since my last post and two weekends ago, I sat my husband down to talk. Many of you suggested I talk with him and find out what was really going on and that I didn't deserve this, and you all are right. I was honestly so anxious the entire week since my mind was just running rampant with all the possibilities: could he be cheating? Is he depressed? Is he gay and cheating on me? I knew I couldn't go on like this which is what prompted me to sit my husband down for a talk.
I started off by telling him thank you for defending me, that it meant a lot and I was very grateful. Then I said that while I appreciated what he did, it made me so confused because of how he's been acting the past couple months. I told him I wanted him to be completely honest with me because it looked like our marriage wasn't working, so if it had to end, I at least wanted to know what was going on.
He was quiet for a few moments before he apologized to me and said he knew how he was acting was bad and unacceptable, that I didn't deserve to be treated that way. Then he told me that he was depressed, or at least that he thought he was. He said he didn't know why for sure. Nothing really bad had happened in the last year, aside from the pandemic, but he'd been feeling very sad and just emotionless the last few months.
I asked him why he didn't tell me earlier and he said he didn't want to burden me or anything. I told him that when we got married we made a vow to one other to love one another in sickness and in health, and that wasn't going to change. He ended up getting pretty emotional and after a few minutes of just letting him get it all out, I asked him why he had been treating me the way he was the past couple of months and why he said he fell out of love with me. He said he also did that because he didn't want to burden me, so he tried to get me to leave him on my own terms, because he assumed that would be hurting me less than if he left me. When he saw I was staying, he didn't know what to do because he said it hurt him a lot just to say he fell out of love with me, and didn't want to make me more hurt so he was just letting me do my thing in a sense.
I also asked him how Trey knew about everything about my grandpa and why he was so hostile. He apologized again for that and said that Trey got that from when he was venting to him, but not about me. He had told Trey back when my grandpa died because he was mourning too and was just basically talking about my grandpa's and I's relationship, saying how much he admired the both of us for our resilience and just admiring our relationship. He never expected Trey to use it against me, which is why he got so upset because he'd betrayed him and deliberately hurt me. Then Daniel said that the last comment was all Trey. Daniel had been visiting him often and I suppose Trey noticed how down he was and assumed it was because of me, so he used that as more ammo in a sense. That all made sense to me, and I said so, and Daniel apologized once again, and also said that he would be cutting Trey off for good, which I greatly appreciated.
We talked a bit more about everything and how he was feeling and we agreed to see individual therapists as well starting couples counseling, which was a big suggestion in the comments, as well as go and get a proper diagnosis for him.
Since then, we've been a bit friendlier with one another and I'm starting to see glimpses of the man I fell in love with. We've been taking the week easy, just relaxing and spending some time together, but mostly just focusing on ourselves and making sure we're ok before we head into therapy and counseling. I decided to stay and work things out because I think this is fixable, and he's really making an effort to change and fix everything. He's becoming more friendly again, still taking some time for himself, but smiling more at me, saying goodbye when he leaves, and today he even gave me a kiss on the forehead. That made my absolute day since I've missed our contact.
As of right now, things are going fine. We'll be starting therapy and couples counseling soon and hopefully everything keeps going uphill from here. Thank you all so much again for your help, it all means a lot and was very helpful!
TL;DR: I sat my husband down to talk about everything. Husband thinks he's depressed and as a result, started pulling away from me as he wanted me to leave him rather than vice-versa. He explained everything to me and apologized a lot for everything. We have agreed to stay together and try and work through this together. We're taking a little bit of time to just adjust again and then we'll start seeing therapists individually and a marriage counselor and see where things go from there. | terrip_t1 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nkflsx/husband_28m_defended_me_against_a_friend_who_was/ | nkflsx | 17,983 | 375 | [
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2021-05-25T21:49:17 | "Queens don't drive": in which OP's employer applies for a promotion that requires travel--and is now refusing to travel for religious reasons (pre-COVID) [AskAManager] | EXTERNAL: AskAManager | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.askamanager.org/2017/03/my-employee-is-refusing-to-travel-because-her-husband-said-she-cant.html) appeared on the AskAManager blog, not Reddit.*
I’m a manager who has an employee who recently (late last year) accepted a promotion that involves travel. It would be a maximum of one overnight monthly, but more typically one overnight per quarter. She accepted the position knowing that this level of travel would be required.
However, she told me last week that she will no longer travel because her husband told her no and her religion tells her to obey her husband. I said the role requires travel and she accepted the role just a few months ago knowing that, so I’m not sure if I accommodate her dislike of travel and keep her in the same role. She says it has to be accommodated because it’s her sincerely-held religion.
I also know her husband recently took away her car because “queens don’t drive.” He drives her to and from work every day. When he arrives to pick her up, which is early every day, she gets really antsy until she’s released to leave because she can see his car from her desk window. She can no longer attend external meetings alone because she doesn’t have transportation, which has created problems already (she was going weekly to external meetings maybe 10 miles away), but technically her job description doesn’t say she needs her own car so my boss thinks we can’t enforce that.
Currently, we’re working around her “dislike” of travel and taking other people from her team. But it’s not really fair that she got a raise and promotion, and these people didn’t, but they have to do the travel requirements of her job. Several of them have said if they don’t get the salary boost we normally give to routine travelers, they don’t want to travel.
I think I should tell her travel is a nonnegotiable and offer to return her to her previous position and salary if she cannot or will not accept the responsibilities of the new position. My boss thinks that once she’s invoked “religious preference,” our hands are tied, but agrees that it’s becoming increasingly difficult to try to accommodate inability to travel, whether locally or overnight. What are our options here?
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.askamanager.org/2017/10/update-my-employee-is-refusing-to-travel-because-her-husband-said-she-cant.html) *(link is external to Reddit)*
The situation got worse before it got better, and my boss didn’t want to take much action. My boss felt this was out of the norm for the employee so maybe it was a phase that would pass and she wouldn’t let me take any action beyond verbal warnings and write-ups for behavior obviously against the handbook. She was also afraid that the employee would bring a religious discrimination suit against us, which are usually not settled in favor of the employer in our state (for Christianity anyway).
A lot of folks in the comments were worried the employee was being abused — I don’t have any evidence that she wasn’t a willing participant, but I did post fliers in the bathrooms about an abuse hotline, just in case. (Also, there were some comments veering into Islamaphobia on the original post. I want to note for the record this person is a fundamentalist Christian in the American south.)
I started with the issue of the employee getting anxious and not working as soon as her husband pulled into the parking lot because it seemed easiest to tackle. She said she just didn’t want to make her husband wait on her, but insisted it wasn’t an issue for her work. Talking to her about it did not help. She kept getting jittery every day (and still leaving as soon as he got there) so I moved her to an interior desk away from the windows, which helped for a couple weeks but she was upset that her desk was “downgraded” (not really because she wasn’t upgraded to the window to begin with, it was just open when she started).
We’re not strict on exact working hours since everyone is salaried, but there is an expectation that you’ll be around from about 8:30 am until 5:30 pm most days. She started arriving at least an hour late and sneaking out (literally telling fibs about where she was going, and leaving through the back door) two hours early. Her computer login times revealed she was only at work about 25 hours a week, instead of 40 like we expect. When confronted about it, she said she knew she was working lower hours but it was because she relied on transportation from her husband, so she had to go when he said to. I told her she needed to report to work for a full 40 hours unless she was taking documented PTO, or we would be forced to move her to a part-time non-managerial role. She complained about the “inconvenience” but she did resume normal working hours with a lot of complaining.
Then, after a new intern joined our office, she announced that as a Christian woman, she could not meet privately with any unmarried men (this only applied to the intern). In private, I asked her if the intern had done something that made her uncomfortable or if there was anything I needed to know. She said she just felt it was improper for a married woman to have “any intimacies” with single men, and strongly implied that she felt anyone who acts differently was not as virtuous as herself.
Honestly, she was acting so extreme that we couldn’t send her on a business trip even if she would have agreed. I don’t know if that was her intention or not. But to keep up morale, I took all of her trips instead, and didn’t ask anyone from her team to do it since they didn’t get the extra travel pay.
She increasingly made grumbles that she felt she needed more accommodation for her religion. She filled her desk up with crosses and scripture plaques. She started saying things like “Praise be” and “God is Good” and “Thank the Almighty Lord” to all good news (even small things like approval on a project or her lunch order arriving early). If you asked her how she was doing, it was a “blessed day” or “in his glory” or “I’m just a sinner, seeking salvation.” To project deadlines or status updates, they would be completed “as God’s will allows” or “praying to Jesus that it will be done Friday.” Every anecdote she told was about her Bible study group or church service. It was so much that even other church-going Christians were complaining that she was making them uncomfortable.
As many predicted in the comments on the original post, she resigned her job within three months, saying she and her husband decided it was improper for her to be working at all. We have replaced her role with a new hire and you can feel the relief on the team.
Thanks for everyone’s help!! | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nl0yge/queens_dont_drive_in_which_ops_employer_applies/ | nl0yge | 6,709 | 601 | [
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2021-05-26T15:28:12 | AITA for being angry at my husband for spending my tummy tuck money + UPDATE | AITA | [ORIGINAL](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hzr160/aita_for_being_angry_at_my_husband_for_spending/) by u/angrymomtummytuck
My husband (37) and I (35) have been together for just over 11 years. We have 3 beautiful children. Before we were engaged we talked about having babies. I said I always wanted to be a mom BUT I will be getting the "mommy makeover package" after I'm done. This is a tummy tuck and possible breast lift. I was very clear that I would want us to start saving as soon as I was pregnant with the first baby.
First pregnancy hits, and it hits hard and true to our promise, we start saving. After my first child was born we found out my abdominal muscles had separated and needed to be repaired surgically. This is essential a tummy tuck. Since giving birth to my first I have experienced horrible back pain and back spasms due to the seperation, but we wait and had 2 more babies
My youngest is now almost 1 year old so I brought up the surgery to my husband. He asked me if I was sure I wanted the surgery. Lol yes, I am VERY SURE. He asks me why I want it, which I found insane since I have been talking about it for 8 years straight. I told him 1. I look pregnant all the time due to the seperation and I hate it. It makes me feel awful and sad and 2. The pain was getting unbearable (even with therapy).
Well he tells me I'm being very vain and that he doesn't think I should have it, he completely ignored the pain part. I start to get confused and ask to see the account where it's being saved (to clarify, we are both on this account but it was never linked to my online banking. I saw the balance last month at 15k). He became silent and left the house. I was very very confused so I called up the bank. They told me the account had under 1k left.
I burst into hysterical tears and call my husband. He answered and didn't say anything. I unload on him about being betrayed by the person I trust the most in the world and ask where the hell the money went. He said he was under a lot of stress with the kids (I am a SAHM and do EVERYTHING) so he wanted to treat himself and bought a computer for his office.
I told him not to come home and he hasn't yet.The thing is, he is an excellent daddy and husband and this is very out of the blue. It has made me so upset that I texted him I wanted a divorce since I seem to not matter. He texted me back saying no divorce but it was his money anyway. This has damaged us to a level I never thought we could get to.
My MIL called me and told me to kick him out but my own family (especially mother) is saying she's very disappointed in me and thinks I am vain and shallow. I just want to look normal and play with my babies with no pain
AITA?
Edit to add: he said he thought I didn't want it anymore since I haven't talked about it in a few months and he thought I'd never realize. And he has seen me struggle with the pain for years and has taken me to every therapy appointment.
Also the money wan transferred to his sole account (I have one too, for "fun money". We transfer the equal amounts to each of us when we can). I cannot see the transactions after the transfer
EDIT reading the comments after only 30 mins of this post being up has made me realize what an idiot I am. Thank you everyone for educating me on computers and prices. I guess that's it.
EDIT: he texted me "I am so sorry honey. I lost my mind for no reason at all. When I married you I said in sickness and in health and I broke that promise. The money is sitting in my account atill and i will move it back tomorrow morning as soon as i can. We talked about the recovery time for surgey and the time I needed to take off to watch the kids and run the house. It has made me panic a great deal so I moved it thinking you wouldn't mind me spending it and we just save up again. I did it out of panic and frustrations and did not expect you to find out so soon. I planned on returning it and telling you what I did and why. I understand if you want a divorce and to leave me behing. I am staying with Nathaniel tonight sweetheart. Rest and I will fix it all tomorrow i promise you. You will have the surgery you wanted. I am a selfish stupid man and I hope you can forgive me"
For the first time in my relationship with this man, I don't believe a fking word he wrote. He always told me I had it easy not working and now he's saying he can't handle a week in my shoes??? I feel ice cold towards my husband and it is a sick feeling. My dad and aunt (police officer) are coming to stay the night. I will think long and hard about this relationship and everything I read here. Thank you everyone. I think that concludes this post
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/user/angrymomtummytuck/comments/i2ap8s/update_aita_for_being_angry_at_my_husband_for/)
Hi everyone. Before I update I just wanted to sincerely thank everyone who messaged with with support and advice. I could not believe it and felt so understood and not alone ❤️. People don't understand how isolating being a stay at home parent can really be. Especially when you're used to working an office job with lots of co-workers/friends. Staying home plus the pandemic had me feeling a bit crazy lol.
For the update: I got the money back the same day. It's sitting in my SOLE account ready to go! Thank you to everyone who messaged me with information about the procedure. It was so stinking helpful, I now how a realistic timeline set and realistic understanding about recovery.
Now. As I was reading and replying to comments I was getting more and more engrossed in my anger. When my dad arrived I think he saw I was turning absolutely rabid. He took my phone, turned it off and told me to take a minute and breathe. I sat for hours thinking about what everyone said and finally realized how out of character this was and that something was deeply wrong. I finally went to sleep. Around 3am I woke up grabbed my phone and told my husband to get his ass home.
When he arrived he walked in straight for me and hugged me. We hugged for a good 5 minutes. After that he apologized and we both cried. When he finally gave his side of the story I was dumbfounded. He said he took the money because 1. He was afraid that I was going to get seriously injured and die during the surgery and be alone. 2. That I would be way out of his league afterwards and leave him 3. That I'd see what a crappy husband and father he was when he had to run the household and that our kids would love him less. All in all he had a big mental breakdown.
I understood where he was coming from but I was, and still am, royally pissed off. I told him if he needed surgery for his back one day (very possible) and was in a LOT of pain how would he feel if I said he couldn't have it because of insert flimsy selfish excuses that have nothing to do with him???. He didn't have an answer for that and just kept apologizing. I told him I would be contacting my old friends from work and looking for a job to make my OWN money since what he earns is apparently HIS. He broke down in tears again after that but I was too angry again to address it.
I told him to log into his banking right now or I would never trust him again. We logged in and he printed out the last year's worth of transactions. I recognized 90 percent of them. The rest was random Amazon, Walmart, Playstation and so on purchases. I told him to log into his credit history profile. He only has our joint accounts and his sole account. My mind was put to ease.
The next day I contacted my old firm and was surprised to find out my friend was the senior manager of the department (I trained him!). We chatted for a bit and he said if I get my certifications up to date by the end of the year he would have a role for me by early/mid 2021. I used to be a forensic accountant back in the day and I loved my job. I am very excited about this possibility. After I told my husband he was very sad. He told me he wants to get a postnup where it says if we divorce I would get more than 50 percent of all assets (everything is in our joint names). He said he couldn't ever make it up to me but he hopes that would give me the piece of mind to choose to go back to work or continue staying home. I'll have to think about it. As a side note, my salary would be higher than his again and I am currently taking great joy in telling him all the things I can do with MY money (petty, I know lol. I'm working on it)
We have a lot of work to do for our marriage now but I'm happy to report we aren't divorcing anytime soon. He is profoundly sorry and I am slowly accepting it. I do regress here and there, admittedly. We are signed up for couples therapy in a few weeks time. I can't picture my life without his stupid face in it so I am hoping for the best.
Thank you Reddit for all your support and love
Satisfying edit: forgot to mention that my mother showed up on the night we were fighting (to apparently scold me, I guess) but my dad opened the door and tore into her. I did not know this but my mother has had a few procedures done. My aunt and dad told her off good and she left screaming like a banshee. We haven't spoken since and I think I'll be taking some space from her. | red_earaches | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nljqbp/aita_for_being_angry_at_my_husband_for_spending/ | nljqbp | 9,236 | 682 | [
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2021-05-26T22:17:23 | Guy Goes Off On His Friend For NOT Being A Jerk | AITA | [Original Post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n6gkga/aita_for_telling_my_friend_in_the_middle_of_a/)
AITA for telling my friend in the middle of a game that I wish he would just be toxic like a normal person instead of an annoying pos?
Me (M23) and my friends (M/F 21-24) play competitive moba's together and usually we talk a little bit of shit here and there but for the most part we are pretty chill. However one of my friends (M24) has this really weird habit that pisses me off all the time.
Essentially the more badly the game is going or the worse he is playing the more he criticizes himself and talks about how terrible he is. The thing that drives me crazy about this is hes honestly by far the best player in our group and whenever stuff goes wrong that OBVIOUSLY isn't his fault he's just like "sorry guys its my fault, I'm playing like shit" this dude can be 9-0 and he will say he got lucky or got carried by us.
The other day it got particularly bad when we had a series of games where it just went really badly and he started getting noticeably frustrated (again he was doing the least bad in our group it wouldve been more fair to blame other people in the group like me even) and he started saying over and over how trash of a player he was and how he was a "trash human being that disappoints everyone in his family and all his friends" like holy shit thats when I blew up and just said "I wish you would shut the f up and just be toxic like a normal person! Blame us or the game like you should be since you're doing so obviously better than the rest of us. You're being an annoying pos with all this self-depreciating crap!".
He then apologized and then muted himself for the rest of the game, afterwards the rest of my friend group called me an asshole because hes actually depressed irl. I just said being depressed doesn't give you the right to be an annoying ass to everyone in the group, its just like toxic modesty, which I feel like is worse and more annoying than someone actually just getting pissed at people or the game like normal. So reddit AITA for my statements?
[Update ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n9iv0z/update_aita_for_telling_my_friend_in_the_middle/)
Well this has been a roller coaster to say the least. I was quite clearly raked over the coals by you guys last time as being a clear asshole. I did a lot of soul searching over the weekend trying to wrap my mind around how wrong I was and I decided to talk to one of my other friends who's going into psychiatry to learn some more about depression since as most of you told me I needed to educate myself on it.
My playgroup basically kicked me out over this and after seeing things from another perspective I realize that they had every reason to. Yesterday, I gave a more personal apology to my friend where I apologized for being an ahole and ignorant about how he was feeling. I then had a long talk with him about where he was at with his life and how he was feeling and holy shit I didn't know how bad things were for him. Obviously, for privacy's sake I'm not going to elaborate on that further but needless to say I honestly see him in a completely new light with regards to everything and I'm actually shocked how despite everything that has happened to him he's able to be such an awesome person and friend to everyone.
Speaking of him being an awesome person he convinced everyone in my playgroup to let me play with them again and not to hold anything against me. I'm honestly lucky as hell here, I should be down multiple friends, and yet I've made it out somehow unscathed. Ironically enough, I now feel a bit guilty about that. I have told him that I'll be around if he ever needs to talk to someone and I'm hoping that I can turn a new chapter in our friendship, one more positive and actually fitting of the title of "friend".
Thank you to everyone who helped me understand my failings and why I was being an awful person.
In particular I'd like to thank u/SeasonalGardenHoe for their understanding and repeated attempts to get through to me, the particular comment they left that really struck a chord with me was actually this one:
" You know eeyore, from Winnie the Pooh?? You know how all his friend act with him? And how they don’t get angry with him."
This actually meant more then they probably realized to me because Winnie the Pooh was one of my favorite things to both read and watch as a kid so thank you. If I had any awards to give I would give them to you. | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nlszfz/guy_goes_off_on_his_friend_for_not_being_a_jerk/ | nlszfz | 4,551 | 278 | [
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2021-05-26T22:55:13 | Husband talks like a baby for a year, killing his relationship and their sex life. | AITA | ######*repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jx90uv/aita_for_leaving_my_husband_in_the_grocery_store/) by smallslicedskin*
We all go through phases and pick up annoying habits, and sometimes we just need our loved ones to gently tell us if we've picked up a particularly egregious habit.
Sometime in the last year, my husband has picked up a habit where he talks like a baby. At first it was funny, but passed into embarrassing, cringeworthy behavior quickly.
Examples: doggo, pupper, woofer/subwoofer, pibble, hooty-boy, peepo, birb, meowmeow, sammy, sammiches, sammywhammy, chicky nuggies, chicky tendies, adding a toddleresque "lisp" to words, and the ones that really get gross are childish euphemisms for genitalia or sex.
I cannot emphasize this enough: it is not endearing or sexy to have my husband talk about my "boobies" and his "weiner" and "weenie" and "wee wee", "hoohas" and "bajingos" (Nostalgia for Scrubs be damned). We have not had sex for six months because he cannot stop talking about my "boobies" and it makes me sick.
Just before the pandemic hit, we were out at a restaurant with some friends, he actually ordered a "chicky sammy" like, said that exact phrase. Chicky. Sammy. Look, it's totally fine that he ordered the chicken sandwich. That's not the issue. Our friends noticed the baby talk, because he insisted on continuing the "joke" and even started talking with this god awful toddler... lilt? Accent?
After that, I just couldn't stomach the idea of going out with him to adult places. I'd go out to the brewery with friends, but god forbid he join me and say "Me wanty 'nother beer!" or something.
I don't know where it came from. I don't know why he's doing this. I finally hit my limit when we were grocery shopping and everything seemed normal and fine until he gasped like a kid, ran to the ice cream section and jumped up and down yelling "ICE CWEAM ICE CWEAM! I WANT CHOCWIT!"
I was *MORTIFIED*. People were staring at him and me. He kept going and kept saying "CAN WE GET POPSICOOOS?" and I just said "Either talk to me like an adult or I'm leaving."
He started saying OOOOOO YOU MUST BE FUN AT PARTIES and LIGHTEN UP, WILL YOU? And shit like that. I just said fuck it, and left the store, leaving him to walk home (like a mile, it was fine) because I couldn't even look at him.
Since then, things have been very tense, and he keeps telling me that he wants an apology for embarrassing him by leaving him in the store. I told him that people don't get to demand apologies, if someone wants to apologize, it's up to them, and I am absolutely not going to apologize for saving myself the embarrassment of a 35 year old man with a mortgage and retirement account asking for "CHOCWIT ICE CWEAM."
He got his fucking Mom involved, no joke. She keeps telling me it's just a phase and that he's probably bored and I should be happy this is his midlife crisis, rather than him fucking 19 year olds at the local bar.
I'm going crazy. AITA? Do I really just need to let my husband continuously embarrass me like this?
**Edit:** Sorry, there was only so much space. I *have* talked to him. Multiple times. Especially about the sexual comments. I've made it extremely, abundantly clear that him using terms like "boobies" and "wee wee" are absolutely *repulsive* to me, among other things he says.
**INFO: Does he have a job?** Yes, and he acts completely normal as far as I know. He worked from home for a while during lockdown, and I never heard him talk like this to anyone he worked with.
**Does he do it with friends? **Sometimes, and it's generally meant to annoy them or gross them out, but he stops. He has friends where they think its "cute" to embarrass each other.
**Is this a kink/fetish?:** If so, I'm absolutely done. (Edited because it was offensive)
**Has he seen a doctor?:** No, but I've asked him if he needed to talk to someone because he was acting strange, and he accused me of being stuck up and judgmental. Given that he doesn't act like this with his coworkers, or his family, and only jokes around with his friends, I'm willing to bet that this is an indication that he's trying to force this fetish on me nonconsensually, or trying to get me to leave.
**Is it a tumor?:** I don't know. Like I said above, I asked him if he needed to see someone. I can't force him (even if I want to, just find out if there's any way we can salvage this), but after this post closes I will try to get him to. Maybe his sister can encourage him, even though he acts completely normal around them.
**Does he have childhood trauma?:** As far as I know, and I'm relatively close to his family and would likely know, the most traumatic thing he had happen was a minor car accident when he was around 13 years old. No injuries, no death, etc. He hasn't been in a car accident in the past two years or anything like that, and I haven't, and AFAIK no one else in his family has been, etc.
**I want to send you a chat instead of my comment getting lost:** Please don't. I've had a number of people repost this to make fun of me because I didn't respond the way they wanted, etc. Just comment, I can at least to respond to those and help others get an idea of what's going on.
######[** UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/user/smallslicedskin/comments/kic24n/update_to_my_husbands_baby_talking/)
Hi all, here's the original post. The AITA mods declined to allow me to post the update because I do not have the videos described below.
Well, here I am with the update. I talked to my husband after doing some soul searching. There was no tumor, no kink, no childhood trauma. I asked him first if he understands why I am upset, and to please, please clarify if he was doing this on purpose or if we needed to seek medical intervention.
He didn't want to tell me at first and I got worried. He eventually caved when I suggested we look for a doctor because of how worried I am.
It was a bet with one of his friends that started as them trying to embarrass each other in public. He bet my husband that he couldn’t keep it up for the whole year. The only “off-limits” part was at work, because he couldn’t jeopardize his career.
No, no. He decided to jeopardize his marriage instead. For what prize? What was he going to win? A signed baseball. A. BASEBALL.
I thought he was still joking. No. He was dead serious.
How was the friend verifying? My husband would share little videos he took here and there of him upsetting me with the baby talk (including times he tried to initiate sex by whispering this baby talk in my ear -- I wasn’t in any state of undress). And by seeing us in public… like at the brewery. He got cross with me in the grocery store because I interrupted the recording and almost "blew the whole operation."
He wasn’t remorseful or apologetic. He thought we were both “in” on this little joke and that I’d find it hysterical. I asked him, did he understand we haven’t had sex in months? No no it didn’t matter, it was all worth it to him. He kept saying “You just don’t get it, it’s not just a baseball.”
I told him the joke was over, it was time to stop for good, but that I was willing to move on with him. I could forgive him. No. He wanted to keep going. There are only two months left in the bet so he's "so close." He said "We can have sex if you want, we'll just pretend XYZ" and I was just like... why does thinking about your friend even factor into this? What's wrong with you!? You never had to do this and ruin our intimate moments! But I just didn't get it, he had to be "in character" all the time.
After a lot of arguing and tears, I left him. I’m heading up to Colorado to be with my family through Christmas, and then I’m going to move in with my sister for a little while to figure out next steps. I hope it was worth it.
FOR THE PEOPLE ON r/AMITHEANGEL DOUBTING THAT THE MODS SPECIFICALLY DENIED ME THE UPDATE BECAUSE THEY DEMANDED THE VIDEOS, HERE'S YOUR FUCKING PROOF. Do you all feel like big toughies now, /u/otterun
**,** /u/uni-applicant
**, etc?**
I was told that their decision was final, and then someone says, not to me, but to someone completely different, that I could have posted screenshots with my sister. Oh, thanks for that, assholes. | s3xy-future | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nltrhf/husband_talks_like_a_baby_for_a_year_killing_his/ | nltrhf | 8,278 | 403 | [
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2021-05-27T05:02:47 | Woman Goes On Vacation Instead Of Staying With Her Boyfriend When His Mom Dies, 1 Yr Update | AITA | [Original Post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c4jq5q/aita_for_going_to_a_preplanned_vacation_with_my/)
AITA for going to a pre-planned vacation with my family rather than my boyfriend's mom's funeral?
I'm a teacher so I get about 2 months off every summer but my mom, sister, aunt, and cousin all work regular 9-5 jobs with 2-3 weeks off a year, so it's really difficult to organize time for trips where we can all go. We managed to schedule a girls trip to Cabo from June 1st to 9th. Made payments (almost $3K a person) several weeks prior to the trip and were all very excited to go to Mexico and bond -- I'm best friends with my sister & cousin, and my mom and aunt are identical twins so we're all a very close group.
My boyfriend & I have been together for 2 years. His family lives across the country so I only see them twice a year and it's usually pretty quick. No real one-on-one bonding with anyone in his family but we're all definitely friendly with one another. We like each other's posts on FB/IG, send happy birthday wishes, stuff like that.
A few days before we left, my boyfriend's mom passed away unexpectedly. I spent days attached to his hip, supporting him, wrote the email to his work explaining what happened, cleaning the apartment, making sure he ate, called his dad & siblings and expressed my condolences, booked his flight, helped him pack, etc. He asked me to go to the funeral with him. I felt so, so, so bad telling him no. I hardly knew his mom and feel like I already committed myself to the trip with my family. He was heartbroken and begged me to go with him for support but I told him that his whole family is there and if anything it's a special time for them all to recount memories of their mother/wife/sister/daughter.
He asked if he gave me $1500 "could you go on the trip sometime later? you have two more months off. I know you won't get some deposits back, so I'll give you this money" and I honestly felt so bad but the thing isn't the money (although obviously as a teacher, I'm not swimming in money) but it's about how this is the one time a year that the women I'm closest to can go together.
My mom & aunt told me "we want you to come with us, but it's ultimately up to you" whereas my cousin & sister were like "you should definitely come with us, it'll ruin the trip for us if you're not there, just come, etc."
My boyfriend was upset and left mad at me, I called/texted a bunch but he didn't respond until days later, anyways I went to Mexico and came back on the 9th and things have been weird with us.
Sometimes he's really close with me like usual other times I can tell he's mad I didn't go with him. He said he's not furious at me but just disappointed and sad that I chose to go party instead of be there with him. Says he would've dropped anything for me, keeps emphasizing that I have 2 months of vacation, but he doesn't get that no one else in the group has that kind of vacation time, I really couldn't reschedule.
TL;DR: I feel really bad because I didn't go with my boyfriend to his mom's funeral because I already had a trip planned with my family. Did I fuck up?
*More info from OP in the comments:*
My sister & cousin live in the area, we hang out 2-3 times a week. My aunt and mom live an hour away, see them once a month or so.
People here are just very angry and expect others to throw away 2+ year happy solid relationships. I fucked up, I get it but this whole “you’re an evil monster” thing is over the top. I guarantee these people wouldn’t hate me if they met me irl and realized I’m a nice person.
I realize it's sad to lose a parent but it's not the end of the world for everyone around you! Like honestly I'm just over this whole thing at this point.
I wouldn't freak out because I have close relationships with my friends & family so they could get me through it. It's not my fault that I'm his only friend. He needs to work on developing relationships with other people. You guys seriously aren't trying to see this from my side at all.
[Update ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mie7e5/update_aita_for_going_to_a_preplanned_vacation/)
It's been over a year since my previous post which can be found in my post history. A lot has changed.
I've taken the time to really think about what happened. What I came down to is that ya'll were right that someone's mother dying is huge and I should've given more support. I sat down and spoke to Jamie about my feelings. This conversation happened about 3 months after the funeral. He said he was upset with what happened but wanted to move on from the argument because our relationship means a lot to him. I told him I'd been thinking about it & what it all came down to is that my feelings for him weren't as strong as they should be. If we've been together for 2 and a half years and my feelings are starting to fade, then we should take a break. He was upset and crying a lot but I told him that this would be better for both of us. This way we can think about what really matters and how much of the past to hold onto as well as the love we have for each other.
I ended up calling him about a month after that conversation and breaking things off. He's a great guy and I should've been better to him. Things took a very sad turn for him and I'll miss him always. I think I could have and should have handled things better than I did. Thank you all.
--------------------
*Edit as the reposter:*
Someone asked what this was doing here as it's not a "good" update.
For me, the "best" part means we get to know what happened after the original post. This was definitely not a "good" update. I'm always hesitant to post the negative ones but sometimes I do because of various reasons. With this one it was getting to know what happened. Because, especially after a whole year, there might be someone that missed the update and wanted to know. Some others I've posted because the update showed some kind of growth, like a lesson learned, as well as finding out what happened. | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nm00xv/woman_goes_on_vacation_instead_of_staying_with/ | nm00xv | 6,107 | 613 | [
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2021-05-27T13:16:18 | A literal shitpost: OP's socks start going missing, finds them covered in poop in a garbage bag outside. The mystery deepens as OP confronts his girlfriend over the issue. | Relationship_Advice | *This is a repost. The* [*original post*](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/avwpo0/i_28_think_my_girlfriend_26_has_been_using_my_gym/) *was made by* u/whattodobedroom.
&#x200B;
Throwaway, because reasons.
&#x200B;
TL;DR: Found my gym socks in the garbage covered in poop. Asked girlfriend about it. She started yelling at me and crying and left.
&#x200B;
I don't even know where to start with this. I'm dumbfounded. She just stormed out the house and I'm sitting on the bed asking myself A LOT of questions.
&#x200B;
I live a pretty normal life, and I thought so did my girlfriend. We've been together for a few months and after things got serious, we moved in together. We started sharing a lot of the household responsibilities, but the one thing she was adamant on doing was the laundry. She would come home and find me in the bedroom getting the laundry together and would quickly ask me to go do something else. I'd come back to finish the laundry and she would have already started it. I always thought it was sweet and never her job to do it alone, but hey, if it makes her happy to do it all the time, I wouldn't stop her.
&#x200B;
This is where it takes a turn for the weird. I keep all my socks and underwear in the bottom drawer of my dresser. I also go to the gym frequently, so I always keep a good supply of clean gym socks ready to go. I never kept count, but I know by just a visual glance I several pairs. This morning when I went to grab a fresh pair to pack for the gym, I noticed there were several dress socks, but no gym socks. Again, not weird, they must have been in the laundry. I went to check the laundry basket and it was empty, so I checked the washing machine and dryer. Both were empty. I couldn't figure out where all of my gym socks had gone. So, I did the very natural thing of asking my girlfriend what had happened to them. After all, she is the one who does the laundry all the time. She went silent, turned red and ran out of the room. When I went after her to see if she was okay she wouldn't talk to me. I told her I wasn't mad, I was just looking for my socks. She kinda mumbled "I'll don't know." I still wasn't mad, of course, but I was super confused. Socks just don't disappear. So I asked her again, even laughed about it and she just looked at me and got mad and said "I'll buy you new ones!"
&#x200B;
The first thought that went through my head was she had somehow managed to destroy my socks while washing them. I thought the sight of that was actually pretty funny, so I joked with her about ruining my socks. Wrong. Thing. To. Say. She started immediately crying. Like, full on sobbing. At this point I don't care about the socks anymore, I want to know what's wrong with my girlfriend. I sat down next to her on the bed and put my arm around her and asked her of she was okay. She just kept saying she was sorry and that she would buy me new socks. I tried assuring her again it was okay. Even went so far as to say I would buy new socks and she didn't have to. I sat with her for a few minutes trying to calm her down and eventually had to get ready for work. I told her loved her and got my things together to leave for the day.
&#x200B;
On my way out I grabbed the garbage to take outside. When I got outside I lifted the lid off the garbage can and I noticed a small plastic bag sitting on top of the garbage already in there. I could see through the bag (kind of the semi see through ones) there were socks in the bag. Since I was sure she had somehow managed to ruin the socks washing them, I wanted to see for myself. I opened the bag and immediately regretted my choice. There, inside the bag, were several pairs of my gym socks covered in what looked like poop. As soon as the smell hit me I knew it WAS POOP.
&#x200B;
We don't own any pets.
&#x200B;
We don't have any kids.
&#x200B;
WHOSE POOP WAS ON MY SOCKS?
&#x200B;
Work could wait. I couldn't go the rest of the day wondering why my gym socks were covered in poop and inside a plastic bag in the garbage can. I grabbed the bag and walked back inside. As soon as my girlfriend saw the bag she flipped out and started yelling at me. She said I shouldn't be going through the garbage and that I was disgusting for bringing it back into the house. I asked her to calm down and that I just wanted an answer as to why there was poop on my socks. I wasn't blaming her of anything, but she started accusing me of blaming her. That's when it clicked. I don't know what it was that lead me to ask this, but everything leading up to this moment had just been so crazy. I asked her "Is this your poop?" She started sobbing again and ran out of the house. I didn't go after her this time.
&#x200B;
So, now I am sitting on my bed with a bag a poopy socks on the floor and a lot of questions in my head. The only conclusion is that she used them after going to the bathroom. Which that alone has its own set of questions above everything else. I sent her text asking her to come back. She hasn't responded yet. I don't even know what I'm going to say when (IF) she gets back.
&#x200B;
UPDATE:
&#x200B;
I had to leave for work and am now at work. Yes, I threw away the bag of poopy socks. She texted me back and she's clearly embarrassed, but felt she owed me an explanation. She said she didn't want to talk about it in person and that we could discuss it over texting and to NOT bring it up in person. I'm condensing the conversation and filling in some gaps as best as I can. Her responses are super short, but I'm getting the idea.
&#x200B;
I flat out asked her if it was a fetish. It is not a fetish. She confessed to using the socks after going to the bathroom. I found the reason she always does the laundry is because she was hiding the fact that she uses socks to wipe with, primarily her own. I had no reason to question the amount of socks she ever has because who pays attention to that kind of thing? She thought I would notice and think it was weird since she doesn't own many socks. She admitted she has done this for a long time. Her reasoning, as best as I can understand, is that because she is a germaphobe (her word) and she is afraid toilet paper will tear and is afraid of getting her hands messy in ANY WAY. She uses socks because it covers her entire hand. After she's done with them, she throws them away. She used mine because she didn't have other socks.
&#x200B;
So, my girlfriend has a fear of getting poop on her hands so she wipes with socks, and has done so for a lone time. It could be worse, I guess. I hope we can laugh about this later. I'm trying to find the humor in it now, but I'm still weirded out.
&#x200B;
[1st update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/aw9dzh/update_i_28_think_my_girlfriend_26_has_been_using/)
&#x200B;
I've had a lot of time to think about what happened yesterday. I've also read through a lot of the comments. Thank you to everyone who gave me advice on what to do. There's been A LOT of development and a few requests to follow up, so here it goes. It's whatever at this point.
We had been texting off and on all evening. As promised, I agreed not to bring it up in person. When I got home after work her car was in the driveway and her sister's car was there as well. I was a little nervous not knowing what I might be walking into, but overall I just wanted to get whatever was going to happen over with. When I walked in it was clear so did she. Her sister was helping her pack up her things. I didn't know what to say, but I never expected this. I honestly thought everything was going to be okay when I got home. Her sister just looked at me and didn't say anything.
I walked by her sister and went into the bedroom where my girlfriend was. She didn't say anything either. She didn't even look at me. If she was going to leave I at least wanted us to have a discussion about it. Everything I had read in the comments about buying a bidet and OCD lead me to believe there might be more to all of this than I had considered. I started to talk and she just threw down the hangars of clothes and screamed at me. "YOU PUT THIS ONLINE? I TOLD YOU TO NOT TALK ABOUT IT!" Her sister ran into the room and told me to just leave until they were gone. She then accused me of cheating. WHAT? This whole thing has been crazy and I feel like I had dealt with a lot up to this point but man that was it. I snapped.
I told her sister I had never cheated. Not once. I would never cheat on her. Enough was enough, so I told her sister the reason she was there was because earlier I had found out my girlfriend had been going to the bathroom and wiping herself with my socks. Everything went silent. Like, no one said a word. Out of nowhere they both start crying. Her sister stared yelling at me and told me I shouldn't be talking about things I don't understand. When I asked her what in the world she was talking about she just kept on yelling at me and shouted back that it was normal and that I need to mind my own business.
1. Her sister knows about it. (She did not know I posted on Reddit about it)
2. Her sister thinks it's normal.
3. I need to mind my own business? They're MY SOCKS!
I stood there all kinds of messed up so I just left. I went to a buddy's house and stayed the night. I also called off work today. I went home and all her stuff is gone. I didn't text her back. I think I'm done.
To clarify a few things: She insisted on doing laundry to keep my suspicion of her not having many socks at rest. She told me last night through text she always throws away the socks and never washed them. She reaffirmed it's not a fetish. She won't try a bidet because she doesn't want poop water splashing on her. I can't keep up with the comments. I'm pooped. (I'm trying to find humor in this because I'm really upset :(
So yeah.
Edit: (a sentence) Her sister did not previously know I posted about it on Reddit. I'm sure they both do now.
&#x200B;
[2nd update](https://www.removeddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ewu9wu/i_29m_am_back_together_27f_with_my_poop_socks/)
&#x200B;
Like the title says and whether people like it or not, we are back together.
1. She knows I'm going to propose. I just don't know how yet.
2. The sock thing is still an issue but I love her, so who am I to say what's right and wrong.
Things settled down and we got back in touch through a mutual friend. She was reluctant to see me because she was still mad and embarrassed. I sat on everything for a long time but couldn't shake how I felt about her. I worked really hard to try and look past the sock stuff and eventually broke down one night. When I saw her next I told her in the end I didn't care about her bathroom choices, but that I did care about her. She was still reluctant and kept me at a distance for several weeks but finally started getting closer to me. When I suspected things could get serious again I did have a long talk with her. I wanted her to know I respected her privacy and her choices but if we were going to make this work she needed to respect my belongings. She agreed and finally apologized.
We're now to a point in our relationship where we've been talking marriage. She wants a nice wedding and so do I. The only problem we can see is that her sister refuses to want to have anything to do with me. This is a problem because she and her sister are really close and she doesn't want there to be any conflict. Her sister has refused multiple times to come over for dinner or even just agree to meet me so I can explain to her what's changed. So I'm back on Reddit asking for advice since everyone helped me the first time.
How can we solve this?
&#x200B;
[Final update](https://www.reddit.com/r/memes/comments/fiukks/cant_buy_toilet_paper_anywhere/)
OP has seen the light! | Arkell-v-Pressdram | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nm77wu/a_literal_shitpost_ops_socks_start_going_missing/ | nm77wu | 11,928 | 186 | [
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2021-05-27T16:35:35 | Am I not allowed to have nice things?!? + UPDATE | r/JUSTNOMIL | [ORIGINAL](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/ejqash/am_i_not_allowed_to_have_nice_things/) by a deleted account
I’m pissssed!!!
In my culture the older women in my family are the same level as my mother (my mother is freaking epic and adore her, her sisters can gtfo)!
So my aunts are visiting from overseas and they’re staying with my mom, but they are visiting and getting ready for a wedding at my home because I have more space for everyone.
My aunts and their daughters have a bad habit of going through whoever is hosting them and using their things and “borrowing” items that magically find its way overseas to their homes. I think you know where I’m going with this.
I’m well aware of the type of people they are and prepared ahead of time;
Locking up my soon to be born babies things that I didn’t want them using or borrowing (a couple of the cousins have babies)
locking away everything of value and sentiment
My bathroom in my room is off limits, it has ALWAYS been off limits every single visit they’ve ever had here. And I always reiterate what bathrooms and rooms are available to them.
I don’t pamper myself much, but when I do I like to get the fancy nice smelling expensive costs an arm and legs make up and skincare stuff (starts with an L ends with an expensive French sound). These are locked in my bathroom locked in my bedroom, that is off limits.
They visited early morning today, and stayed the whole freaking day. They couldn’t be bothered to cook anything for their kids so guess who felt bad and went out multiple times to get food for them and their kids and husbands, because again they couldn’t be bothered!
I come back this last round and I’m putting the food out, and out walks the 4 year old and 14 year old with my expensive face mask on their face!!! I ask them what they’re wearing and where they got it from and they said from my room and it was the mask their mom (my aunt) put on them!!!
I went nuclear!!! These jackasses waited till I was gone went through my house to find the spare key to my room and then fucking went in my room, tooth picked the lock to my bathroom and USED MY SKINCARE and fucked around with my make up! And not only that they went through my closet, pulled out all my jewelry and clothes and were fucking having a field day with it!!
I told them to put my shit on the bed every single thing and to get out of my house!
Now here’s the JN part! My aunt had the audacity to scream at me in my home, tell me I’m a horrible person and should die, and said shit about my kid and house, and screamed and cried that I ruined their trip and am possessed!!!
I kicked them out after I made sure all my stuff was accounted for, and threatened them with police action if anything comes up missing.
They went back to my moms house, and told my mom I went berserk for no reason and that I’m a horrible person, and lied about the whole situation. My mom came over and talked to me, and I told her the truth and she was appalled but not surprised that they did that. Especially the stuff her sister said.
But here’s the part where I’m getting more pissed; they want my mom to take them to the mall and the stall where I bought my make up and buy them everything they want pretty much to make up for my “bad behavior and disrespect” and that is the only for my mom to fix the trip. Umm bitch whut.
My moms cultural guilt has her wanting to do that, to smooth things over. But she knows there is no way she can afford to do that, and she doesn’t want to reward there bad behavior since they started this shit.
My gma (mom’s mom) is telling her she has to do something to make things right, or she’ll never speak to us.
How the heck do we go forward?! I don’t personally give a shit if gma never says a word to me, it’s not like she says anything positive, and my aunt and her hoard of kids can all jump into the ocean. But my mom is very upset and can’t stand her family (especially the old harpy) being mad at her, the guilt is eating at her.
What can I say or do to help my mom realize they aren’t worth the shitty stress and disrespect they show everytime they’re here.
Edit:
After going through the comments and talking things out I’ve come to a couple of conclusions!
1) gma is emotionally manipulative to my mom (who is the scapegoat). Mom needs therapy, but that’s more of a long term solution thing.
2) gma depends on mom for everything so this is an empty threat, and if it’s not then she’s going to get first hand knowledge of how selfish her golden children are.
3) they don’t have any other family to depend on here in my city. So they’re not going to have anyone else to mooch off of, so they’ll either get a hotel or cut the trip short. I don’t care what they do.
4) my mom doesn’t know how to stand up for herself against gma, so for the short term I’m going to have to play middle man.
My battle plan (and tell me if I’m just being crazy hormonal or if it’ll work):
go to the mall without them, get the small sample packet things from the same brand and give that to the aunts. They never said what size or how many.
If they argue or start shit I’ll tell them to gtfo of my moms house and find ONE family members they haven’t pissed off so bad that’ll give them a roof for free. And remind them their choices are either follow the rules here with mom and stop being assholes, go to a hotel and pay for it themselves, or cut their whole trip short.
If gma pulls shit to guilt mom And tell her she’s cut off I’m going to call gmas bluff and ask/remind her of EVERYTHING mom does for her, and ask her if she’s really confident her selfish materialistic daughters that she GCs so much are going to dish out the money to take care of her the way my mom does.
I also know my moms going to freak out at the mega explosion I’ve caused, and I’m going to have to put my foot down and be a JN and have her pick either me or her family. I don’t deserve the abuse, mom doesn’t deserve the abuse, and I don’t want to see her be treated like this anymore :( so she’s either going to have to support me and the boundaries/consequences or I’m walking away and letting her deal with her circus.
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/eme38o/update_i_cant_have_nice_things/)
Hello! It’s been a busy 5 days from the original incident and I am exhausted. The bot should link my original post!
I let mom go ahead and read some of the comments (the ones that weren’t bashing her), and she admitted she had been a doormat to my gma and aunts for too long.
I didn’t have to give her an ultimatum I just had to ask if she was happy that I was getting the same treatment as her. We had a heart to heart on what the treatment she recieves from them is, and how neither of us need to keep dealing with this abuse. Mom was hesitant because of gma, but she also knows that this can’t keep going on, she also wants to be happy. A lot of other stuff was talked about, we cried a lot.
Mom and I both confronted the aunts that same night after we talked and had our heart to heart. And because we were getting annoyed with them blowing up our phones and calling her horrible people, and crappy hosts, and a bunch of other petty bull shit.
Anyways we get back to moms, the aunts are looking all smug like they think I’m there to cower and beg for their forgiveness. The first thing out of their mouths are demands on when we’re taking them to the mall to buy them the make up and products, they also want us to buy their sons gaming stations because they’re too expensive in New Zealand, and just a whole bunch of other random expensive shit they feel they’re entitled too.
Mom and I let them talk and exhaust themselves with their demands, before my mom very epically told them to pack their stuff and find somewhere else to stay. She told them they had until the morning to be out, or her and dad (cause he can’t stand them either) will have their luggage tossed out front in the yard. (My dads been in the know about everything, and he’s always let my mom decide how she wants to deal with her family and he supports her; but he was straight up ready to get the shovel and toss ALLL their stuff out at a moments notice!)
As you can imagine after the initial second of shock everyone was LOUD and yelling and so shocked and hurt. I’ll give some bullet points so this doesn’t turn into a novel
aunts have never been so disrespected in their lives, they can’t believe their own sister would toss them out so cold bloodly.
They have no where to go, no family will take them in. They’ll be homeless in a foreign country, don’t we have a heart.
I’m a bitch, this is all my fault because I don’t understand family loyalty and how to be a host. And nothing they did was so bad that they deserve to be abused this way (yes they actually said mom and I were abusing them).
God will never forgive us. We’re hateful people
Gma had a straight up conniption. She’s screaming and swearing, she won’t stay another minute with my mom. She wants all her paperwork and information and she’s leaving and never coming back. My mom is trash and the aunts will take care of her better than my mother will blah blah blah
Tonight we found out that gma is broke and mom has been paying her medical, dental, vision, medicines out of pocket. (This is important and I’ll circle back in a little bit).
In the end their kids booked a hotel near where the wedding is supposed to be, and the fucking gall of these people! They tried to say because we’re kicking them out short notice we have to pay for their hotel. No. My dad had a few choice words, and surprisingly well itemized list of the cost they’ve already caused on this trip alone.
So back to gma! She has no money, gpa never left her a dime, nothing. My moms known for the past 10 years that gma is dead broke and she never had the heart to gma that gpa left her with nothing. My moms the one that put gma on her insurance to make sure she could still see doctors and get her prescriptions, and whatever insurance didn’t cover mom covered. And this hateful woman all this time kept putting my mom down for being worthless and poor and not treating her to the life of luxory she thought she deserved. Even after finding out that she had no money, gma tried to make it out that mom stole from her 😡 nope, mom kept all the paperwork and bank documents. Gpa seriously blew through all his money before he died.
Well the aunts in the moment acted like they didn’t care and that they’d take such good care of gma in their country. So mom and I packed up gmas shit too and gave it to them to take with them!
Guess who got dropped off in tears today back to moms house! That’s right, my aunts in a matter of hours turned from doting daughters (that were after gmas money), to VERY cruel and abusive harpies to gma. They shockingly don’t want anything to do with her now that they know they’ll have to shell out cash to take care of her. Mom and dad have already decided they don’t want gma to stay with them, so they’re sending her to live with her sister and her sister will help her get on government assistance and Medicaid and everything else. Moms done, and dads freaking excited! Like moms really sad and hurt by the way things have gone, but her give fuck dam has burst and burned down when gma said that mom was a thief.
The aunts and family are in the hotel, we didn’t placate them and buy them anything, and they’re not welcome back to either my home or moms home! So good riddance to bad rubbish!
We had some family nearby call and ask us what happened because the aunts reached out to them to either get a place to stay (they didn’t book the hotel for very long), or turn them into flying monkeys and guilt mom into taking them back, or just to turn them against us. But these are family that know my aunts well and have already cut them off and banned them. They seem a lot more inclined to visit and hang with us now that we told them the aunts aren’t allowed back to our homes and that gma is being sent to her sisters. So who knows maybe we have a new family door opening?
All in all, it’s a success in my book. | red_earaches | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nmbgmo/am_i_not_allowed_to_have_nice_things_update/ | nmbgmo | 12,154 | 775 | [
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2021-05-27T23:45:48 | I like this one, I hope OP does better. AITA for not letting my child speak her "native" language at home. | AITA | **Original post:** [**AITA for not letting my child speak her "native" language at home.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ihnydy/aita_for_not_letting_my_child_speak_her_native/)
Title isn't as bad as it sounds.
My (35m) wife (32f) is Welsh and I am English, but if you get right down to it we're both British anyway. She's always been kinda funny about identifying as Welsh and not British no matter how many times I tell her they're not mutually exclusive lol.
I'm really tired of having to put up with her extreme nationalism. First of all she insisted that our daughter have a Welsh name, so now my family can't even pronounce it or spell it. I have to put up with jokes about my daughter's name all the time and her name getting spelled wrong all the time.
The only primary school in the area is a Welsh school, so my daughter has started learning all her school work through Welsh. This is fine I guess; it's pointless, but other than not being able to help her with her homework (which her mum does anyway) it's not an issue.
The issue is that my daughter has started speaking Welsh with her mother's family, her mother and her friends outside of school. I asked her to stop, but my wife said I was being really rude to ask her to stop speaking in her "native" language, but she can speak English too?? It's not her native language when her father doesn't speak it.
My wife said I'm an asshole because I agreed to raise our child bilingually, but I was under the impression that our daughter would still chose to speak English because it's all around us. She speaks English and Welsh at home, sometimes mixing them both. It's confusing and can't be good for her education to be learning it in a pointless language. What happens when she goes to university in English?
My wife says I should get lessons for Welsh and she would be happy to pay and help, but I really don't see the point in learning a dead language when we can all just speak English?
AITA for wanting my child to speak English??
EDIT: Okay, but now my wife is making my sleep on the couch while she "thinks about our relationship". Am I still the asshole when she's willing to disrupt our child's life BECAUSE I WANT MY CHILD TO SPEAK A LANGUAGE EVERYONE SPEAKS
EDIT: I'm okay with her learning Welsh, just not speaking it at home all the time. It's stupid having a three way conversation when people aren't speaking the same language, but my daughter insists on using welsh.
EDIT: I'm not gonna answer questions that ask me why I married my wife. I married her because I love her. End of.
Edit: Going to bed. Some comments have given me some insight and I cant ignore all the YTA posts. I thought maybe it was just the Welsh being at it again, but well there's more of you calling me an asshole than there are welsh speakers 😂
I'll have a think and a chat with my wife tomorrow.
Edit: I'm having a lot of trouble sleeping ill be honest. Might have something to do with me being 100% an asshole to my wife and daughter. A lot of mixed feelings. How do I explain that I still *feel* like I'm right but I know now that I'm wrong? We live in the countryside and it's been hard with lockdown. I couldn't work, and I was surrounded by all the Welsh in my home without any English outlet of my own.
I was wrong and very bitter, and used those bitter feelings against my own family.
I'm going to tell my wife that I'll get welsh lessons and I plan on couples counselling for us so that I can properly work through my shit. I'd like to say thank you to everyone who helped me grow up and see that my daughter was more important than my childish, selfish reasons. I was so fucked up; unwilling to learn because I was already behind. And I'd like to thank those who shared their stories of learning Welsh.
My daughters name is Megan for the people asking.
EdIT: my wife insists that we pronounce Megan the Welsh way! It sounds beautiful but she gets annoyed that my family pronounce jt like southerners
Edit: diolch un fawr I pawb a nos da
**Update:** [**UPDATE AITA for not letting my child speak her "native" language at home**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/irwg3q/update_aita_for_not_letting_my_child_speak_her/)
So I posted about 2 weeks ago looking for your judgment. It took a while, but I agree with it. Some develops have happened since then so I thought I would update:-
1. I admitted to my wife I was being an asshole and was ready to learn welsh. I've been using duolingo and sitting down with my daughter and wife while we do my daughter's homework. My wife still laughs whenever I say Llanelli, but here we are.
2. I showed my wife the AITA post. She said I was a complete dipshit, but she cried and admitted she has been excluding me on purpose in the hopes that I would learn Welsh if she did it enough. I explained how it made me more resentful and I had almost left her because of it. We're going to go to couple's therapy.
3. She told me that I need to tell yanks who pretended they could say "Llanfair PG" to "cachau bant" and "cau dy ceg". They were some of the first words I learned in Welsh so they can be yours too :)
4. I sent my dad a message telling him to ask my mother if she can start pronouncing Megan the way my wife wants it. Megan likes it the Welsh way too and faux-vomited when I asked her if she liked the way Nana said it. My mother hasn't said anything, but my wife and I taught Megan to tell her "Nana, I like my name said like this" when my mum says it wrong. We'll have to see where this goes, since my mum has said in the past that she won't pronounce it like a "sheep-sh\*gging pleb". I will be putting my foot down if she starts.
5. There was someone who pretended to be my wife on another post. I reported it and it got taken down. I did not make my wife sleep on the couch that night lol. Just some sad person creating made-up drama.
6. My daughter and I managed to get a 5-star island on Animal Crossing. Not relevant, but we managed it this week! Have a nice day and cheers for your help.
EDIT: For everyone who keeps asking about pronouncing Megan in a Southern Welsh dialect [this guy explains](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/irwg3q/update_aita_for_not_letting_my_child_speak_her/g543lr3/) the difference. If you want to hear how it's said then I suggest the first lesson in Duolingo! | almostselfrealised | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nmkuhq/i_like_this_one_i_hope_op_does_better_aita_for/ | nmkuhq | 6,372 | 190 | [
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2021-05-28T14:50:23 | Husband wanted an open marriage and is now mad at me for seeing someone + UPDATE and ongoing issue | Relationship_Advice | [ORIGINAL](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/nkyjn1/husband_wanted_an_open_marriage_and_is_now_mad_at/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf) by u/ThrowRAshortie
We (F22 & M25) have been married for 2 years and together for almost 6. Yet beginning of last year he told me he has “room in his heart for more than 1 woman" and is a man for "more than 1 partner”. He wanted an open marriage. It was so hard for me to agree to it but the minute I did, he started seeing this beautiful attractive girl. I can’t even explain how painful it was to know that I’m not enough for him, that he’s spending time with someone else.
And he did. From spending nights with her to texting her when we were supposed to be spending time together. I’d literally cry myself to sleep every night while he was with her or home sleeping after hanging out with her. I even met someone but I just couldn’t open up to that guy because of how much I love my husband.
I finally gave in a few months ago. I started letting the new guy take me on dates, to his place, etc. He’s been so good to me and that’s all I needed after feeling like I’m not enough for my husband. I feel attractive and worthy again.
Last month, new guy took me out of town for my birthday weekend (a “happy birthday” text is all I got from my husband). Since that, it’s like my husband suddenly realized that we’re married. He wants to spend time together, gets jealous when I’m not home. Now he’s saying he wants a baby, which I’m not against but would like to wait until our relationship is more stable.
Well he disagrees. He thinks that I’m “prioritizing my boyfriend over our relationship and family and that’s not what an open marriage is about”. He’s now wanting to stop everything and go back to being monogamous. I’m not ready for that. He got to decide when this started. Why does he get to decide when it ends? Why did he wait until I started being happy again?
Sorry for the long post/rant but any advice?
[UPDATE 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/nmrws0/update_husband_wanted_an_open_marriage_and_is_now/)
Welp, I was going to wait until this weekend to have a talk with my husband about getting a divorce. I wanted to think things through before ending this 6 year relationship. I still took my distances, stopped having sex and hanging out with him. I’ve barely talked to him since my last post and even refused his gifts.
So guess what he did yesterday? Went to new guy’s office and tried to get into a fight with him, yelling and screaming about how new guy sleeps with married women and should be ashamed of himself. Making it seem like new guy was helping me cheat on my husband (which is not the case because open marriage right?)
New guy is now pissed. He said he wants to be with me but doesn’t want to have to deal with a crazy husband/soon to be ex. He wants to take a break until I get things figured out with my husband. How am I supposed to do that though? Still planning on getting a divorce but I can’t control my husband? Could this be his way of dumping me?
So much drama and so much to think about! Any advice?
[UPDATE 2](https://www.removeddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/nsz69a/update_2_husband_wanted_an_open_marriage_and_is/)
Hey friends, just wanted to post a quick update.
We got the divorce process started. Right before that though, my (ex) husband was able to meet with my dad (who’s always liked him) and told him how I cheated on him and then insisted on having an open marriage when I got caught. So now I can’t even go to my family’s house because my dad is mad at me and won’t hear me out. Pretty sure he told some of our common friends the same thing because they won’t answer my texts.
I was able to move into an apartment and now I’m just waiting for things to calm down with my family and for the divorce to be finalized.
Oh and I could lose my job soon because someone left some serious bad reviews on the website and now I’m being investigated.
So I’ve been home this whole week, I have no one to talk to (unless I decide to finally answer my husband’s texts). Even new guy hasn’t been talking to me. So yeah, that’s how my life’s going. :) Any advice on how to deal with the loneliness?
And thank you so much for your support through this whole thing. You guys rock. | red_earaches | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nmzi1g/husband_wanted_an_open_marriage_and_is_now_mad_at/ | nmzi1g | 4,364 | 479 | [
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2021-05-28T20:06:04 | The update that no one asked for: Stupidest question ever, is there any polite way to suggest to [23M] to curl his eyelashes? /r/relationships | Relationships | This one is so dumb I couldn't help but post it.
**Original:** [**Stupidest question ever: is there any polite way to suggest to \[23M\] to curl his eyelashes?**](https://old.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3hi08p/stupidest_question_ever_is_there_any_polite_way/)**, posted in** /r/relationships
I am 100% aware of how silly this is, and it's no big deal if he doesn't. But I'm \[21F\] currently dating a man with eyelashes that are very straight and slope down. They almost cover his eyes and block out any light reflecting from them, which gives him a major case of zombie eyes. I'm not kidding, if you look at him you cannot see a single spark of light. It's sort of disconcerting. They cover his pupils as well, so any changes in dilation are blurred, making it looks like his eyes just aren't moving at all.
**tl;dr**: Very nice guy has eyelashes that make him look like a very nice dead guy. Is there any socially acceptable way to suggest an eyelash curler, or should I content myself with the Dating Dead?
**Update (5 years later!):** [**Update to the pettiest question ever**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/l4wa08/update_to_the_pettiest_question_ever/)
It took 5 years and a marriage and he curled his eyelashes last week. He found my eyelash curler and asked what it was for and I told him how to test it on himself. He said he didn't notice any difference but his eyes sparkled for the first time.
He's not going to keep doing it but at least I know what his pupils look like now lol
TL;DR: I didn't ask him, he asked me. | almostselfrealised | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nn6co4/the_update_that_no_one_asked_for_stupidest/ | nn6co4 | 1,561 | 484 | [
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2021-05-28T22:31:24 | I think my girlfriend has been trying to get my fired from all my jobs. I'm shaken. Please help me. | Advice | *This is a repost. The* [*original post*](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/iwa83b/i_think_my_girlfriend_has_been_trying_to_get_my/) *was made by* [u/GettingMeFired](https://www.reddit.com/user/GettingMeFired/).
I'm M24, and I've been with GF (F29), let's call her Janice, for 2 and a half years. I just finished my education when we started dating and I have been doing all sorts of jobs since. Sometimes two at a time. I did this to expand my resume and gather job experience.
I worked in cafés, bookstores, a library, a grocery store and as an English tutor. Most of those jobs lasted about 3 to 5 months. My shortest stay was 2 and a half weeks, my longest 8 months, but since I didn't have a hard time applying for new positions, I tried to block it out, though it was kind of eating me up internally.
People called to complain about me, people left bad reviews about me, people used my employee wifi access to look up sketchy things on the internet under my name, former 'employees' called to 'inform' them about me, right name and all, and much much more subtle stuff that I couldn't disprove. But I was too anxious to do anything about it. I just told my girlfriend, she comforted me, she supported me every time I got my life ruined by these people. But I kept going, though they kept finding me.
Fast forward to this week. I currently hold a part-time position at a bakery, I've been working there for two months and a half. It's going okay, but my manager approached me about something regarding our google reviews.
Someone was complaining about an employee, and their description of them could only really fit me. It was on a day where we're pretty short of staff, so I could've been the only person in the store on that day for all I know. Anyway, their review contained some pretty elaborate and nasty comments about me. This has happened on one or two of my jobs already.
I told my manager that it was all pretty bogus and that someone had a vendetta against me, as it has happened before. She believed me, and told me that she'll dismiss the comment. On my break, I checked out the review myself. Their username was kinda stupid, I'm not gonna type it out here since I still work there, but I'll just call them "Mick Myrtle" as it was in the same range of sounds-kinda-fake-but-not-really. Anyway, I come home but don't tell Janice about it. She has heard it all before, so I didn't see the point in complaining about another time I almost lost my position.
We chat, all is well, and she leaves the room. Her phone is on the table, and suddenly, she get's a notification or an email of some sort from google. I don't remember what it said exactly, but the popup read something along the lines of "Mick Myrtle: 'Manager' has responded to your Review!"
My heart dropped. I've been trying to ignore it since. this was two days ago. It just fit in the picture of bad reviews. It fit in the picture of the phoned complains my workplaces have received about me in the past. It fits in the picture of all the sketchy things I've been fired for.
Why would she do that, though? I'm looking for an explanation. This literally can't be. She's the only thing keeping me sane. I don't know what to do.
&#x200B;
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/user/GettingMeFired/comments/j9awz1/update_on_the_post/)
Hello people who are still invested. I'm sorry for not updating you guys earlier, a lot has been going on.
First of all: yes, we broke up. That's why I'll be referring to her as my ex from now on.
Anyway, let's start from the beginning. on the Monday of the following week I couldn't take the uncertainty anymore. I told my ex I needed her booking account to book a train ticket to visit my dad for a few days. She complied, and when she was in the shower getting ready for work, I booked my ticket and started looking through her emails.
After some digging, I found an email to herself which contained a spreadsheet file. I sent the file to myself, printer it out and took a screenshot.
Why? The spreadsheet contained about every single information about me that there was. Numbers, emails, passwords, work times, colleagues, their numbers & social medias, as well as some emails and passwords that she used for accounts to ruin my life with. Everything was on there, conveniently sorted for her to ruin my life as efficiently as possible.
When she left for work, I decided it would be best to immediately pack my stuff. Nothing that mattered would be left behind. I felt like a wanted man. Like I was being hunted despite nothing being seemingly out of place.
I called my boss, told her I would be taking some time off from work, and headed out to see my dad.
Needless to say he was the sanity I needed. I cried about everything I saw, I panicked for a whole two days straight, about how my life was ruined and I didn't know what to do. He had to sleep on the couch in the guest room because I was so scared of my ex coming in.
He handled it like a champ, I love you dad. He called the police, a lawyer and most recently a therapist for me, because I was in the most horrible state of my entire life.
We're currently sorting out the legal stuff, I haven't talked to my ex, except for letting her know it was over and that she's a sick psychopath. My dad handled the rest.
I changed all my passwords and I'm now looking for a place to live.
Sorry for the brief update, my mind is tangled. Please ask questions if you wanna know more.
Edit; by the way, thank you to every single person who gave me advise, talked to me over DMs, and was generally concerned about me. I appreciate every single one of you. | SomaliMN | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nn9g90/i_think_my_girlfriend_has_been_trying_to_get_my/ | nn9g90 | 5,648 | 865 | [
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2021-05-29T00:55:04 | Steal an iPad, lose a daughter: Friend's Mom Decides to steal my iPad becuase my art is "innoproproate". /r/entitledparents | EntitledParents | **Original:** [**Friend's Mom Decides to steal my iPad becuase my art is "innoproproate"**](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/nlz782/friends_mom_decides_to_steal_my_ipad_becuase_my/)**. Posted in** /r/entitledparents
I don't know if this belongs here but I'm fuming and I just want to tell my story.
Edit: Yes I know the title is misspelled. I was very upset and not in the right headspace when I wrote this. If Gramma is a big thing for you and really makes you upset. Please don't read my post.
Just some basic things I'm adding to give context
Im a female. I just turned 18 and I'm new to reddit. I live with my adoptive parents and they are the sweetest people you'll ever know. For my birthday my grandad got me an iPad, an apple pen, and a drawing app I had been asking for. I love doing digital art and I was definitely ecstatic when I got it. My mom was so excited for me and took my shopping to get a case and stickers to decorate it with.
The friend in question I'll just call A is the nicest person I've ever met. She's my closet friend and I don't blame her for what happened. I'd gladly take a bullet for her any day. A is also 18 The person who I can't despise is her witch of a mother. I'll call her Karen becuase why not. Karen is 38 The son she wanted to give my iPad to I'll just call B. B is 10 years old.
Karen is a single mom and has made it the base of her personality. She runs a failing mommy blog and used to post parenting videos. Oddly she believes in vaccination and doesn't think the earth is flat. She's still a very "spiritual" person and believes heavily in karma and creativity. She homeschools B and doesn't teach him how to read or write, just teaches him about karma and things of that nature.
With that random word vomit out of the way I'll get to the story.
Yesterday Karen came over to drop off A so we could hang out and have a girl's day. My mom invited Karen in for coffee and let B have control of the tv remote.
I immediately showed A my tablet and we both started acting like idiots and talking about color pallets. B didn't seem to care but I caught Karen looking at us weirdly from the kitchen. I ignored it becuase I figured she was just watching B.
A few hours went past and it started to rain. It wasn't just a drizzle, it was a downpour and there would be no way Karen could drive home safe. My mom told Karen that she and B could stay in the guest bedroom and A and I could sleep in my dad's game room. (It has a pullout couch facing the tv so we were fine) B whined that he wanted to see the game room but my dad has a rule that no one under 16 is allowed in as he has some scary games and concept art littered around.
Karen protested lightly but my mom shut her down and she dropped it. B had a full meltdown so me and A went to draw in the crafting room. (Basement) I decided to show A some of my more scary drawings and pulled up a picture of a werewolf I had drawn. It wasn't gorey or bloody but it was scary and I didn't wanna have it pulled up in case my mom saw.
A and I love scary things so we decided to make a piece together. We put on a five minute timer and each took turns drawing. When we were done we had drawn a vampire biting into a girl's neck. We made it a bit scary and drew the vampire clawing at her arm. We printed the picture and hung it up so we could decide a color pallet but in the middle of selecting paints we heard the door open.
We had locked it but it was one of those crappy hook locks so all it took to open was a few shakes. B came down the stairs and at first he didn't notice the printed paper. A told him to leave but her ignored her and went to try and grab my mother's colored pencils. We stopped him and while we were dragging him towards the stairs he saw the picture hanging on the corkboard.
I didn't know something so small could make a sound so loud. He screamed his lungs out and bit A's hand so she would let him go. He bolted up the stairs and I took A to the sink to wash her hand. (We had a sink installed so we could wash paintbrushes)
Within seconds Karen was down the stairs and I heard my mom trying to calm down B upstairs.
The following is the conversation. I'm going to leave out the swear words so I don't get in trouble. So if you see any weird baby talk just know the conversation wasn't as nice as I typed it out to be.
Karen- "What the hell did you do to my son?!"
A- "We didn't do anything."
Me- "He came down here so we tried to take him upstairs and he flipping bit A's hand."
Karen- "NO. What did you show him???"
At this point we didn't know that B had even seen the drawing.
Me- "What? We didn't show him anything? He just came down here and started screaming when we moved him."
Karen- "Don't you flipping lie to me you little ducker he told me he saw you drawing a murder!"
A figured out what she meant before I did. I know. I'm stupid.
A- "You mean the collab? It's not a murder. It's a vampire."
I looked over at the cork board finally catching on and Karen ran over when she saw me looking. She ripped the paper off of the tacks we had used to put it up and gave this really dramatic gasp. She put a hand over her mouth and her eyes got wide. She looked ridiculous.
Karen- "Does your MOTHER know what kind of filth you've been drawing?"
I was dumbfounded so I just answered honestly.
Me- "Uh. Yeah."
Karen looked even more offended and noticed my iPad on the table.
Karen- "If you're going to be drawing such innoproproate filth you don't deserve this!"
This maniac picked up my tablet and was about to walk up the stairs. I snatched it away and rushed to stuff it in my pencil bag. Karen tried to grab the bag but I pushed myself into a corner. I clutched the bag super hard and started to scream for my mom.
Mom is my mother.
Mom-"What's wrong you don't need to scream."
She saw Karen trying to grab me and ripped her away from me. I just want to say my mom is a BIG lady. She towers over my dad who is 5'10 and she's not dainty either. Karen immediately went on a tirade about how I was corrupting her son and forcing him to look at disgusting garbage. She shoved the art into my mom's face and she just kinda raised her eyebrows at Karen.
My mom then turned to look at A.
Mom- "A did she make your brother look at this?"
A- "No. It was hanging up and he saw it. We had the door locked but I guess he got in ."
Me- "He bit A on the hand too."
A showed her the bite and sent A upstairs to get a band-aid from the hall closet. My mom told Karen that she didn't appreciate her behavior and asked her to take B and leave. Karen looked to pissed and I swear her face went beet red.
Karen- "Are you flipping kidding me??? She TRAUMATIZED my BABY!"
Mom- "Your son is fine. He wasn't supposed to be down here anyways. The door was locked and he must have forced it open. It was an honest mistake and I would like you and B to please leave."
Karen- "If you're going to that way witch at least give my son the tablet. He's going to need THERAPY and the tablet will help him express himself."
My mom rolled her eyes.
Mom- "Fine."
She walked over and grabbed a drawing paper tablet and handed it to Karen.
Karen looked confused. Then she got angry and slammed the paper onto the ground.
Karen-"NO YOU DUMB WITCH. I WANT THE ONE IN HER PURSE. MY SON NEEDS IT MORE THAN SHE EVER WILL. IF SHES GOING TO BE DRAWING THAT CURSED GARBAGE THEN SHE DOESN'T DESERVE IT."
My mom asked what tablet I had and I told her that Karen wanted my iPad. She looked surprised for a second but just turned to Karen and told her to leave again. Karen was fussing and screaming saying things about how I was disgusting and that my art was innoproproate but my mom threatened to call the police and she just stomped up the stairs.
A said she was going to stay and Karen dragged B to the car. My mom sat us down and we went over the events. We all eventually ended up laughing and my mom put some antibiotic ointment on A's bite just to make sure it was clean.
A is still here and my mom says she can stay in the guest room for as long as she wants. Before anyone asks my dad is on a business trip and won't be back until Friday. My mom is going to call him tomorrow and tell him what happened just in case Karen tries anything.
If anything happens I'll update. If you bothered to read this I thank you.
I posted the art link below. WE AREN'T DONE YET! ALSO TRIGGER WARNING: BITING.
[The art](https://www.reddit.com/r/vampires/comments/nm282v/lovebite_wip_collab_with_my_friend/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
Edit: Spelling and art link
Edited to add: So reading the comments I found people debating things.
The reason Karen stayed becuase of the rain is becuase the roads flood BAD where I live.
She wasn't here for hours becuase of coffee. She and my mom were talking while B was watching tv.
Karen and my mom have know each other for two years. They weren't exactly friends but they chatted about stuff when me and A hung out. This was the first time they have really gotten into a deep conversation and I'm assuming my mom was too polite to end it.
Me and A were using watercolor paint to experiment with color pallets on the printed sheet of paper. I was using red as a possible clothing color and my mom thinks it could look like blood from a quick glance.
If there's anything I should clear up let me know.
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/nmbxkv/update_my_friends_mom_decides_to_steal_my_ipad/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
[Final Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/nmyfr8/final_update_my_friends_mom_tried_to_take_my_ipad/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
[Completed Art Project](https://www.reddit.com/r/vampires/comments/nmjpri/lovebite_collab_completed_tw_tiny_blood_spot_and/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
TLDR: Karen demands my iPad becuase her son saw my "inappropriate" art after he barged into a locked basement.
**Update #1:** [**\[Update\] My friend's mom decides to steal my iPad becuase my art is "inappropriate"**](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/nmbxkv/update_my_friends_mom_decides_to_steal_my_ipad/)
Just wanna say thanks for all the support me and A have been receiving. I didn't think this was going to get any attention becuase of my spelling mistakes and crappy grammar.
On to the update
Karen called my mom this morning while me and A were eating pancakes. We didn't hear the conversation but.my mom told us that Karen said she was throwing A's stuff away becuase she wouldn't support her little brother.
My mom still says A can stay for as long as she needs in the guest room and we're trying to figure out how to ask if she can just move in. We definitely have enough space but supporting another person might be a different story.
Since A is 18 and legal she can move out whenever she wants. The real problem would be retrieving A's sentimental items from the house.
A lot of people have told me to talk to CPS and have her investigated. Me and my mom are planning on doing this once my dad gets home.
A's hand is doing a lot better but my mom is still keeping a close eye on it. She has been cleaning it and switching out icepacks every few hours. B didn't break the skin thankfully but we're still gonna be careful.
If anyone knows how to ask my mom to let A move in please tell me. I want my friend to be safe but I don't want to pressure my parents.
Karen tried to call A last night but she didn't answer the phone.
**Final Update:** [**(Final Update) My friend's mom tried to take my iPad because my art is inappropriate.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/nmyfr8/final_update_my_friends_mom_tried_to_take_my_ipad/)
I just want to say thank you for everyone who recommend police interaction and for those who've been treating me with nothing but kindness. There has been a bit of hate but the mass amounts of kindness make this situation a little better.
I sat down with my mom last night and I put my dad on a Zoom call. After explaining the situation I just flat out asked. There were a lot of different opinions that were thrown out in the comments about how to ask. And at this time I forgot every single one and blurted it out. My mom told me she wasn't surprised and my dad said that he didn't have a problem with it.
My mom wasn't as easy to convince becuase she believed having A stay with us would bring Karen around for more drama. It was a long talk and she told me she could still stay for a while but to live with us is a completely different story.
In the end she agreed but stated that A would have to get a job as she and my dad couldn't support A for the rest of her life.
I'm happy to say that the guest Room is now A's room and my mom is gonna let us paint it however we want this weekend.
This is the happy part of the update.
As many of you kindly suggested, we got he police involved. We took a picture of A's hand but the marks were barley visible. To the person who suggested this. You were right we should have taken a picture earlier. And for those asking why my mom and I kept cleaning it even though the wound wasn't open, I'm an idiot and my mom was panicking.
I won't lie and say I'm smart. I am a very dumb person and I do dumb things under pressure.
Anyways.
We called the non emergency number and my mom did most of the talking.
After a while we drove to Karen's house. It's not very big but she has a large front yard that was full of miscellaneous items. She saw us pulling up and thought we were here to drop A off but our escort surprised her.
She had thrown some of A's things into the lawn but it was mostly clothes and posters. A only picked up her scrapbook and that's all I saw before she went inside. Karen said me and my mom weren't allowed on her property so we waited in the car.
I heard Karen shouting but I didn't understand what she was saying.
A wasn't inside for long and she came out with her backpack and gym bag.
Karen screamed at her to never come back and to never call her again blah blah blah.
We drove home and me and A kept thanking my mom.
I left out a small bit of what happened for safety concerns after asking my mom and I cut out some of the stuff where it was just talking that didn't go anywhere.
We unpacked some of A's personal items and we're going to have a in house spa day once my mom gets home from work.
There's going to be some changes in the house and we're going to have a house meeting once my dad gets home from his trip.
Karen tried to call A's phone but she blocked her number and we've been going through our daily routine. We share a bathroom now so we've been cleaning up and rearranging to make space.
This is the best possible outcome and I feel like I'm living in a dream world. I know A is upset though so I've been trying to cheer her up.
As many of you also suggested my mom is going to report Karen for a number of things to CPS. I'm not really involved in that part of the situation but my mom said she would keep me updated.
Thanks for all the support me and A have received. You're all wonderful people and I hope you have an amazing day. | almostselfrealised | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nnbz3x/steal_an_ipad_lose_a_daughter_friends_mom_decides/ | nnbz3x | 15,221 | 96 | [
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2021-05-29T16:07:09 | I got pregnant at 16, my parents disowned me and tried taking custody of my daughter. After 10 years my father was diagnosed with terminal cancer and both want to reconnect with me and get to know their grandchild. I need help on how to handle this. + UPDATE | Relationship_Advice | [ORIGINAL](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/deaccl/i_got_pregnant_at_16_my_parents_disowned_me_and/) by u/ThrowRa6351iw526
I am very sorry if this is convoluted and riddled with grammar and spelling mistakes.
At 16 I slep with my good friend Jared . The condom broke and my daughter was created. My parents , who were great until this point, didn't like that and wanted me to get an abortion. I couldn't bring it over myself to. I wanted to keep the baby. Ofcourse my parents told me to pack my stuff and leave the house and their life's. So I did. I went to my friends house and his parents took me in. They weren't thrilled but they said that we all had to help as a new family member was in the making.
In that time my friend and I started to develop feelings for each other.
I had my daughter and about 2 moths later Jared's brother came back into their life's. He was a recovering Heroin addict. As we had the baby, my mother in law told him he could not stay with us. Eventually they let him stay more and more and he was spending nights until he had a relapse and stole a bunch of stuff. My parents got wind of that. They dug up a bunch of stuff and found out that my MIL also fought addiction after an accident she had 15 years ago left her addicted to pain mends.
So they called cps on us and a whole ass investigation was opened. It was a dark time I thought they were going to take my baby. In the end they didn't find anything substantial.
But them calling cps on me transformed into a tradition over the years. As it was a small town every mistake I made got back to my parents.
I was half an hour late to pick up due to my job? Cps charges because neglect. I was out after 10 pm with my toddler(this happened twice because we went to family gatherings) . Cps.
Christmas loads of people stayed at Jared's house because it was a big family. Cps because many strange men were there.
They eventually stopped it because they were fined for calling them on me unnecessarily. If they had done it more I think it could have been an offence.
The last call was 5 years ago.
Eventually Jared and I married when we were 23 and we are quite happy. We worked retail jobs and studied. It took us longer than average to graduate but we did. With a lot of help of his parents. Jared is now an engineer and I work as a graphic designer.
We were able to afford a big flat and finally moved out of his parent's house. Our life's look normal now.
Anyway a week ago I get a call fromy mother who told me my father was diagnosed with terminal cancer and that his ultimate wish is to see me and my daughter again.
I don't really know what to do. Because while they didn't have to take care of my while I was pregnant I wished they had at least supported me. And while I get that they were panicking because they thought I was going to be an unfit mother, they made my life hell for 5 years.
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/e2p524/update_i_got_pregnant_at_16_my_parents_disowned/)
Hey it's me. I wanted to update you on what happened. Edit :apparently I have to make this clear. This is just an update post I have taken my decision. My parents will not meet my daughter until she is older and wants to.
After some thought I decided to first meet my parents alone. I wanted to make a decision based on their remorse and development as human beings.
And they sadly didn't really change. When I agreed to meet I also told them it would be without my kid. Idk why but they thought they were going to meet her. They had bought presents and all. They were very disappointed to say it lightly when I showed up without her. They made no deal to hide it. But we talked. They fail to take any real responsibility for their actions. Every "apology" began with "we are sorry if you". When confronted about the CPS calls they say they were doing what was best for daughter. I got really mad but tried not to snap. They brought up every mistake I did as a young mother and that they just thought I was far too young and irresponsible to have a kid. That daughter only turned up good because of luck.
After they said that I laid down money for my meal stood up and said. "well nothing has changed. You are still the heartless persons that threw me out years ago and made my life hell for 5 years. You will never meet her. She is happy and she has loving grandparents"
They started to freak out saying that I couldn't withhold their grandchild from them. I just said that you lay in the bed you make.
I left and haven't talked to them since. Mails or letters from them are thrown out on the spot. I will eventually explain to my daughter what happened to me and my parents and will give her the chance to meet them when she is older but for now I don't want to deal with their bs.
Edit :Guys thank for your concerns but I am non US. Grand-parent rights are not a thing where I come from
Edit2: I think some of you are confused. I am not asking about advice of wethee or not I should give in to my parents request. That's what my last post was about. It's not unwillingness to reflect it's a set decision.
Also yes my daughter is in therapy due to her being traumatised by all that lovely cps visit that we're caused by my parents. So I Infact k ow my child is happy and healthy mentally as well as physically | red_earaches | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nnqk6u/i_got_pregnant_at_16_my_parents_disowned_me_and/ | nnqk6u | 5,360 | 687 | [
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