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2021-05-29T19:44:40 | OP and Coworker have different medical needs - one is diabetic, the other has severe blood phobia. Ending is ok. | AITA | *This is a repost. Original by* u/independentask42
[AITA for checking my blood sugar at my desk when my coworker has a severe blood phobia?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mkps8k/aita_for_checking_my_blood_sugar_at_my_desk_when/)
I (24M) enjoy my job and have two coworkers, Megan (25F) and our new coworker James (23M) who just started. The three of us each have our own office space, but because we have to frequently collaborate on work throughout the day we are often at each other’s desks.
I am a type 1 diabetic, I give insulin and check my blood sugar throughout the day as needed. I give insulin through a pump so that’s not an issue. Checking my blood sugar involves pricking my finger to draw a drop of blood, the blood gets sucked up into a test strip that is connected to a glucose meter, and the meter displays the reading. The whole process takes like 10 seconds.
I was checking my blood sugar in my office right when James walked over. Immediately, his face went white, he looked like he was about to puke or faint or maybe both. I was like, dude are you okay? He told me that he has a major blood and needle phobia and gets therapy for it. I explained what I was doing and why it was necessary and he said it’s “freaky” that I have to MAKE myself bleed multiple times a day. He told me he never wants to accidentally walk in on me checking my blood sugar again because he could pass out. I said that if I’m checking my blood sugar and hear him coming over I can call out a warning like “give me a sec!”. He said that won’t work, just knowing that I’m doing *that* just before he comes over is enough to freak him out, and that he would be stressed that I might not hear him walking over.
He told me I should check it in the bathroom from now on. I told him that I don’t think I should have to do that and it’s unsanitary. He said another option was if I only check my blood sugar at certain times, say 9am, 12pm before eating lunch, and 4pm, that way he’d know when to avoid me. I said these things can’t always be predicted, I’ll need to check if I feel my blood sugar going high or low.
He said he understands that I have diabetes but that he also has a special need (his blood phobia) that needs to be accommodated and that he doesn’t want to have to avoid me at work and only talk to Megan for fear he might see me checking again. He said he’ll talk to HR about this and that he’ll tell them that I refused to compromise with him.
That was last Thursday before the holidays, tomorrow I’m thinking of going to talk to HR before James does, but first I need to know that I’m in the right here. So AITA for not being more accommodating of James’ blood/needle phobia and checking my blood sugar as needed at my desk.
edit: To clarify something, James cannot see me test my blood sugar unless he is literally standing in my doorway. It's not a communal-style workplace. I do not test in common areas, only in my office.
\-----------------------------------------------------
In some [comments](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nnqjzz/update_aita_for_checking_my_blood_sugar_at_my/gzw33ha?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3), OP clarified that they can't resolve everything over the phone since some things need to be showed to each other.
\-----------------------------------------------------
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nnqjzz/update_aita_for_checking_my_blood_sugar_at_my/):
I’m really glad I posted, it gave me the reassurance I needed that I was doing the right thing going to HR. I took your guy’s advice on how to approach the conversation with HR. I said that me and my coworker have conflicting medical needs and I could use advice on a solution that would work for both of us. The HR lady said that I have every right to continue to test my blood sugar in my office. When I told her that James suggested I test only at specific times of the day, her eyes got really big and she was like, “NO. Do not test your blood sugar on a schedule suggested to you by your coworker. Only your doctor.”
Later HR spoke to James as well. Here’s what we agreed to with HR:
\-James is to call me on the phone before coming to my office. As in, “Hey, can I come ask a question?” and I say sure and ensure I’m not checking my blood sugar at that moment.
\-I cannot test my blood sugar in front of James. I wasn’t doing this anyway.
\-If James’ phobia symptoms are triggered for whatever reason, he is entitled to a ten-minute break to let his symptoms subside, in addition to the normal breaks we all get.
This system worked great...for a week. One day he called as usual, I said sure come over, but then he...didn’t come over. After about ten minutes I actually needed to check my blood sugar but thought with my luck he’d walk in at the exact moment I was testing. I ended up calling him back and he said that he got distracted and forgot he had a question for me. A few days later it happened again, and I was a bit annoyed that twice I delayed testing because I thought he was going to be entering my office at any second.
Soon after I found out that James had put in his two-week notice. He explained that me being diabetic wasn’t the only reason why he was quitting, he wanted different hours etc, but that it did play a role. Later, Megan (our other coworker) told me that James told her that he really struggled with me being diabetic. For example, even just thinking, “I need to ask a question, but I have to call first to make sure he’s not checking his blood sugar” was distressing to him because then he’d be thinking about it, which would make him feel queasy and anxious.
James has quit now. While I’m relieved that I don’t have to feel like a leper at work anymore, I mostly just feel bad for James. It must be awful living with a phobia that severe and I know he didn’t choose to be that way. I hope he continues to see his therapist and can improve.
So I guess this doesn’t have a happy ending because ultimately we couldn’t work it out and he quit. | Im_your_life | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nnuucr/op_and_coworker_have_different_medical_needs_one/ | nnuucr | 6,087 | 222 | [
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2021-05-30T04:43:10 | How to save a life, adopt a murder of crows apparently: [oregon] I accidentally created an army of crow body guards. Am I liable if my murder attempts murder? /r/legaladvice | LegalAdvice | **Original:** [**\[oregon\] I accidentally created an army of crow body guards. Am I liable if my murder attempts murder?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/ki6fnd/oregon_i_accidentally_created_an_army_of_crow/?sort=top) **Posted in** /r/legaladvice
To make a long story short, im a late 20 something living in portland oregon. I had a pretty intense emo/goth phase as a tween that i thought i had grown out of.
A couple months ago, i was watching a nature program on our local station about crows. The program mentioned that if you feed and befriend them, crows will bring you small gifts. My emo phase came back full force and i figured that i was furloughed and had lots of time- so why not make some crow friends.
My plan worked a little too well and the resident 5 crows in my neighborhood have turned into an army 15 strong. At first my neighbors didnt mind and enjoyed it. They're mostly elderly and most were in a bird watching club anyway. They thought the fact that i had crows following me around whenever i go outside was funny.
Lately, the crows have started defending me. My neighbor came over for a socially distanced chat (me on my porch her in my yard) and the crows started dive bombing her. They would not stop until she left my yard.
They didnt make physical contact with her, but they got very close.
Am i liable if these crows injure someone since i fed them? I obviously cant control the crows. I would rather them not attack my neighbors. But since i technically created this nuisance, could i be financially on the hook for any injuries?
To be clear, they're not agressive 100% of the time. If just the neighbors are out they are friendly normal crows. They only get aggressive when someone gets close to me or my property.
ETA: TL;DR- I have turned into Moira Rose, queen of the crows. My inadvertent crow army has gotten aggressive towards others. If they hurt someone could i be held liable?
ETA PT II: I did not train these birds to attack. Also thank you for all of your awards. Im glad my stupid decisions bring you joy. Please consider donating that money to your local Audubon society instead
**Update:** [**\[oregon\] I accidentally created an army of crow body guards. Am I liable if my murder attempts murder? UPDATE: The crows saved a life**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/lobhtj/oregon_i_accidentally_created_an_army_of_crow/)
So to make a long story short, i called our local Audubon society. They didn't think feeding the crows was bad and suggested that the neighbors also start feeding them so they essentially became better socialized.
The plan worked and the crows are now a beloved part of the community. There have been no recent dive bombings.
Most amazingly, the crows may have legitimately saved my neighbor. Our city had a pretty big ice and snow event recently. Like i said in my last post, most of my neighbors are older. One of my neighbors was walking down his steep driveway, slipped, and couldnt get back up.
The crows started going *ballistic* and were making more noise than we have ever heard. A different neighbor went outside to see what was up and found the gentleman in his driveway. Neighbor is mostly ok! Just some serious bruises.
Needless to say the crows have been getting some high value food since then.
Thanks for all the help on my original post. It blew up way more than i was expecting and i thought you guys would enjoy an update. | almostselfrealised | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/no3mnr/how_to_save_a_life_adopt_a_murder_of_crows/ | no3mnr | 3,451 | 601 | [
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2021-05-30T08:00:03 | AITA for announcing my pregnancy first? + UPDATE | AITA | [ORIGINAL](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/njh1t8/aita_for_announcing_my_pregnancy_first/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) by u/throwRA5383920
Throwaway account and on mobile, so sorry in advance.
I (26 F) am married to my DH (26 M) and have an older sister (27 F) who I’ll call K. For some background: K was the golden child but my parents rapidly changed their tune when she failed uni and started a party lifestyle for a bit (no longer the case). Suddenly I was the favourite because I finished school and had a moderately successful life. I think it’s BS that my parents have/had favourites, and I largely keep my distance, but it’s something that has troubled K a LOT.
So! DH and I recently got pregnant (surprise!) and though I keep a healthy distance from my parents, we still talk. Boundaries are really important to have with my them because they will trample over your entire life and privacy. Covid restrictions are a thing and I’m not big on big parties anyways, so I decided to just tell my family about the latest news during a monthly family VC last Friday. I was excited to share the news but I also didn’t beat around the bush. Once everyone had done the preliminary catching up I said DH and I had some news, and then said I was pregnant. My parents, sisters, and grandmother lost it, screaming and laughing and crying in joy. This is the first grandchild/great grandchild/niece or nephew so they understandably had pretty dramatic reactions. Everyone was excited except for K who stayed completely silent the entire time. Once things calmed down a bit I asked if K was still there and she said yes but she had to go and deal with something. I thought it odd but didn’t give it much further thought.
Later I get a text from K saying that she was going to make a pregnancy announcement then too, but that I had ruined it. I should have asked her specifically before making the announcement because she, as firstborn, should have been the one to have the first grandchild, that my child would get all the attention and love and hers would be second rate. I sent her a text saying that I had no clue she was pregnant and congratulating her, and that I was sorry she didn’t get to make the announcement when she wanted to. I then, possibly quite stupidly, asked when her due date was. K said “Don’t worry, you’re first.” And has not answered anything since.
So Reddit, AITA?
Tldr: I didn’t know sister was pregnant and made the first pregnancy announcement. Sister is upset due to complicated family dynamic.
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nnu5wt/update_aita_for_announcing_my_pregnancy_first/)
First things first, I want to thank each and everyone of you who commented, voted, and gave their feedback and advice. The outpouring of support was both shocking and overwhelmingly touching. Y’all’s compassion was amazing. Thank you all for taking the time.
Now, on to the update (sorry it took so long, K took a bit to respond to me). So I waited about a day and then sent K a long message essentially saying that I knew she was hurting rn, but that we needed to band together for our kids. That our parents did wrong by all of us kids and that we needed to stop the cycle then and there, but we could only do that if we work together (corny I know, but it needed saying). I then finished off by asking her to call me when she had time.
Well, she called me after a couple days and the first thing she did was apologize. Some of you guessed that she had built this up in her head as a band-aid for her relationship with the family, and you were right. I know some people think she was lying about being pregnant but she was really crying on the phone and full of remorse. She said she was furious initially and then she was sad. We used to be really close before my parents started pitting us against each other, and she realized that our kids could grow up that close to one another and not resent each other, and she felt guilty for being so greedy. She said she was also afraid because she’s not as financially well off as I am, and as a result was/is afraid for her baby’s quality of life and knew that the golden child would want for nothing.
We agreed to take steps to make sure boundaries are enforced and mutual on both our ends, and she agreed to get back into therapy with the potential of a group session in the future. I’m going to be proactive with my parents in making sure things are fair, and I’m reaching out to a friend of mine who’s youngest no longer needs their baby supplies and see if she’ll be willing to donate them to K (or sell for cheap, you know, that kind of thing).
I’m not holding my breath too much, because actions speak louder than words, but I’m cautiously optimistic for the future.
(Also, apparently she’s 7 weeks along now and I’m 12 weeks, so the kids will be super close together.) | red_earaches | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/no6cba/aita_for_announcing_my_pregnancy_first_update/ | no6cba | 4,917 | 253 | [
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2021-05-30T19:01:16 | My Dad Heard Me Moaning And Thinks I’m Gay WTF Do I Do + UPDATE | Relationship_Advice | [ORIGINAL](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/nnqlsp/my_dad_heard_me_moaning_and_thinks_im_gay_wtf_do/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) by u/Ohgodohfuckff
I am so fucking mortified
Long story short, my girlfriend (26F) pegs me(24M), we’re into it, and do it often. My family does not know this for obvious fucking reasons. My dad walked in our house to drop off a bag of oranges (appreciated the thought) a couple weeks back, thinking I wasn’t home, and that visit just happened to align with a time me and my girlfriend were. Were.
You get the picture.
So he started acting shifty with me and I kinda brushed it off. We’re really close and I figured he’d spit out whatever he was thinking abt eventually...and he did by sitting me down and kinda like. Patting my fucking knee and going,
“You know me and your brothers would support you if you were gay, right?”
Yeah so. NOT GAY. Or like. Kinda gay? I like guys too but I VERY MUCH also like girls. And I’m dating one. Very happy with this. Voiced none of this, asked “Why are you telling me this?”
He admitted to what I wrote up there in the background—that he walked into my house some weeks ago—and added that he heard a man moaning.
And assumed I was having gay sex and making some guy have a, and I quote, “a really nice day”
And THEN he got all stern like, “I support you, but I don’t support you cheating on <gf’s name> and you need to come clean with her” and at that point I just got up and fucked off because I was about to scream
Now he thinks I’m gay and cheating on my girlfriend, my girlfriend can’t think about it without laughing her ass off (traitor) so her advice is currently useless, might not be later (crossing my fingers), I’m two seconds away from a nervous breakdown, and I do not know how to explain to my dad that, no, I am NOT gay, my girlfriend just pegs me real good, and he heard ME moaning, I am NOT cheating on my girlfriend, and that I want to die now.
I KNOW I could say it directly but I think being direct might actually result in my death via embarrassment.
Do you have ANY advice on how to break this to him bcus I’m at a fucking loss
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/nofunq/update_my_dad_heard_me_moaning_and_thinks_im_gay/)
TD;LR—All is good. Might die of embarrassment but we’re all good.
Currently in my girlfriend’s lap and waiting to stop being tipsy from the copious amount of fucking mimosas she gave me earlier.
First of all, you guys had some great advice. I did laugh a LOT at some of it and do appreciate the genuine help most of you guys gave. I was still actively losing my shit as I wrote the initial post, so for the sake of clarity, here’s details I left out:
I was saying some STUFF when we were doing the do and upon further reflection it was pretty obvious he heard that rather than just noises.
My dad and I share tools and he has full reign to walk in my house and borrow them when he needs them.
He’s supposed to call ahead if I’m home but if I’m not, he can just go. My car was in the garage (it usually isn’t) so he just assumed I was out. It’s no one’s fault that he walked in when he did—just shitty luck.
Yes the oranges he was bringing me at the time were very good.
My dad and I are very close, he is not a creep, and he doesn’t care if his kids are gay. Don’t insult him.
Otherwise.
Please stop making me think about my parents having sex and whoever DMed me and told me that kinks are hereditary, thanks for the trivia but I hope you choke on a ritz cracker like I did last night because that shit hurt and you deserve it
So. The update. Today was Sunday breakfast with the fam. Upon your advice, I cornered my dad after breakfast and ushered him into the shed, and using the kickass wording I got from CanYouGuessWhoIAm in the initial post, I said (basically):
“Dad, I know you sat me down a bit ago and told me it was okay if I was gay but not if I was cheating, and I need you to know it really was just me and <GF’s name>. If you trust me, we can leave it at that, but you don't, I WILL tell you exactly what we were doing. I’m warning you though, that’s not a bell you can unring.”
This motherfucker looks at me with the most guileless look and goes, “Then who the hell was yelling <DISGUSTING THING I SAID THAT SOUNDS HOMO OUT OF CONTEXT AND I DONT WANT TO WRITE >”
And then. From outside the shed. I hear my ASSHOLE GIRLFRIEND start fucking HOWLING. HOWLING. WITH LAUGHTER.
She had followed to ask where I left her purse and came right on that. I was still suffering from the secondhand embarrassment of my dad repeating some of our bedroom dirty talk into his straightforward monotone, so she took over and confirmed, “That was your son.”
And then it got worse.
Because my dad was SO confused. He was so confused. So he. Asked fucking questions. And my girlfriend answered them (with my horrified approval) as I sat down and contemplated suicide.
AND THEN ONE OF MY FUCKING BROTHERS CAME OUT TO CHECK ON US BECAUSE OF THE COMMOTION AND GOT THE MEMO.
So now, because my brother can’t shut the fuck up, my whole family knows what pegging is, my brothers and one sister are mercilessly ribbing me, I had entirely too many mimosas, and I’m googling how much a fake ID and passport costs. Thanks for your advice everyone. It all turned out okay in every regard except for the massive impact to my shame-budget.
Also my dad will now be calling ahead every time he wants to come in to borrow a tool to make sure I’m not home.
I will recover my pride with time but until then, girlfriend‘s lap it is. Thank you again, and have a good day. I am not. | red_earaches | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nohxzg/my_dad_heard_me_moaning_and_thinks_im_gay_wtf_do/ | nohxzg | 5,699 | 741 | [
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2021-05-31T10:18:25 | Revenge is a dish best served calmly and by the book: Escaping a hostile work environment. /r/prorevenge | Prorevenge | **Original:** [**Escaping a hostile work environment, by the book**](https://www.reddit.com/r/ProRevenge/comments/djqp1m/escaping_a_hostile_work_environment_by_the_book/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x)**. Posted in** /r/prorevenge
My story starts off as mundane as anybody’s: Five years into working for an enormous corporation, my group was “reorg’ed”. This particular reorg was, like most efforts, a half-baked idea ginned up by a suit in a corner office, questionably planned, poorly executed and terribly communicated. Nonetheless, I was sent from my old group to a brand new (to me) group managed by Jim. Jim seemed an okay fellow, with a dry sense of humor and a British accent that lulled me into thinking he was a decent guy.
Working for Jim was … okay. He was never available and when we did meet maybe once a month he’d bark off a list of things for me to do, then say he had a conflict and had to go to another call. I was floundering a little, but felt I had a handle on things.
During my first annual review via phone, Jim offered up vanilla platitudes about how things were going well, while I heard him distractedly typing away at IM’s from people pinging him. He paused when he got to my salary and hedged, a bit.
“Ahhh… so I got you a small increase, I couldn’t get you much. To be frank, I’m not going to question how anyone arrives at their salary level, but you make way more than the other people on my team.”
It was awkward, but not the first time I’ve had such a pointed salary discussion with a male manager. It’s never been a talking point with any of the women who managed me, and I wondered if he would have made those comments to me if I were a man. I’ve managed teams over the years and noticed the women on my teams seemed to make less than their male counterparts, so I get I’m an anomaly. But, I’m a high performer in a 25-year uninterrupted career, as I never chose to have children. I’ve worked hard for my salary and I’m proud of it. I could get hired elsewhere at this salary in my market easily given my experience, qualifications and certifications.
Shortly after our review, Jim moved on to work with my primary group of business partners, leaving me with no manager, just a 2-up manager I’d never met or spoken to.
And that’s when the shit hit the fan.
Unbeknownst to me at the time, my salary was brought up in a discussion with his new team, the fine ladies who were managers of the teams I worked with in my business partner group.
As it's been relayed to me, Jim didn’t blurt out the specific details of course, but when one of the women complained about something I'd done, Jim said he was surprised there were issues because I was the highest paid person on his (now former) team. He poisoned the well quite nicely for me.
Going back through my emails I could pinpoint the date and time the remark was said, because the tone of EVERY SINGLE ONE of those managers changed as if on a dime. If I asked a question, I was berated because, “You’re our most senior analyst! You should know that!” Documentation that had sufficed before was suddenly “all wrong”.
There were two particularly hostile culprits: Pat, who managed reporting on the systems we were migrating and her underling PM, Wanda.
Pat came at me quick, fangs bared, with a demand that I put together a plan to get us to the next-generation of reporting which wasn’t due to be released until 2021. The 2021 plan Wanda, her PM had put together, looked like notes on a greasy cocktail napkin, so Pat decided that since I was the SME, I should do Wanda's work for her instead.
Pat wanted a plan from today, in 2019 through to the date of release in May 2021. According to her it had to include ALL the tasks needed for delivery right from the start, which is not how planning works. I can’t predict the future, so my plans usually start out detailed in the near term, with increasingly wider swaths of more generalized tasks to be elaborated in detail as we get further along. This is an industry standard approach, and was never a problem, right up until it was.
Pat started hounding me relentlessly to get this full plan done for her in 5 days, which would have been an impossible task under the best of circumstances. Nonetheless, I put together a 2000-line long plan, working evenings and over the weekend, because my arms had been in pain for several months from typing at my home office and I had to take frequent breaks from the pain.
Note: I had been made a remote employee against my will, and when I was reorg'ed I started asking for a desk back at work. Jim always dismissed my request, saying there was “no space”, so I spent over $1500 on an ergonomic chair and desk for my home to make typing easier, but my arms still hurt anytime I sat at the keyboard for more than a half hour.
I had to back-burner my more immediate, pressing work for upcoming releases in the next couple of months, because Pat told me I had to prioritize her work over everything else. I had no manager to help redirect my priorities back to my other work and when I tried to say it would have to wait until I finished my more pressing work, Pat sighed and bitterly said in front of a half-dozen people including Wanda, “So you’re our most SENIOR SME and you’re telling me you can’t do the work?”
Pat then decided to up the ante by insisting I run every element of the plan I was creating FOR Wanda BY Wanda, a junior level PM who not only didn’t understand the systems we were using - I had to tell her how to create her own status reports - but wrote at a third grade level. Even subject/verb agreement is out of Wanda’s grasp. But she had a chip on her shoulder and now she believed she could tell me what to do and how to do it. It was like a teacup poodle trying to guide a Rottweiler.
Wanda was immediately and clearly out of her element, and obviously so. As a result, every single time she was caught fucking up, she threw me right under the bus. She’d preemptively throw me under the bus too. Wanda’s only talent was deflecting blame and painting herself as the victim.
I didn’t know what to do, I was having anxiety attacks. My heart would start racing to 145bpm on the couch at night when I started thinking about work. I was overwhelmed and my arms were killing me and then the unthinkable happened… My mom suddenly died.
When I told the team, they were not only completely unsympathetic. They were pissed. I had to take a week of bereavement and this, too, pissed them off as I was leaving the day before the deadline Pat had given me to finish Wanda’s plan for the 2021 project. Instead of packing for the funeral or connecting with my family, I spent the 3 days before my leave working late nights trying to finish the plan. We met at 5PM the day before I was to go on leave, where Pat and Wanda ripped into my plan, and said they would work with another team member to fix all of my “mistakes” in the week I was gone.
Finally free of the evil twins, I went on leave. And while on leave, my arms stopped hurting. After 6 weeks of physical therapy for my arm problems, just not typing for awhile helped immensely.
I had two days left before I had to go back to the hellhole, and I was dreading it. When the heart palpitations started up again, I knew I couldn’t go back.
At first, I decided I would just quit the day I was supposed to return. I didn’t want to even give them two weeks notice, I hated them so much. They had been so cruel about me taking bereavement leave. I wanted to fuck them over, good and proper. No two weeks notice meant I’d leave them hanging for their near-term releases that I’d not been allowed to finish up my work for, as well as for the 2021 plan.
And if I burned a bridge or my reputation, so what? I’m nearing the age where people usually retire or have a major career change. I don’t need to keep that bridge any longer. I have saved up enough, and dammit my health was more important to me than these toxic people OR my paycheck. The night I decided to quit I went to sleep relieved and not anxious, for the first time in six months. I felt the anxiety leaving me, knowing I wouldn’t have to work with those people ever again.
It felt like a solid plan.
Then the next morning I woke up with a plan even more brilliant. It checked ALL my boxes:
• I wouldn’t have to go back to work
• I wouldn’t have to give two weeks notice, so they’d still be fucked
• I would still get paid
• AND I would be able to take care of my arms that had been in pain for so long! AND while I’m at it, manage the anxiety that had spiraled out of control because of my hostile coworkers
My new and improved plan was simple: Take medical leave.
I needed protected medical leave in the form of FMLA, which for those not in the US, provides up to 12 weeks of leave where my specific job role and salary must be protected and available to me upon my return.
And because it was medical leave, I was automatically enrolled in Short Term Disability, for which my company will pay 100% of my salary for 8 weeks and then 65% of my salary for the remaining weeks I’m out.
The best part of this plan is it fucks over all the people I want to fuck over AND IT’S ALL 100% LEGIT! I had been having problems keeping up at work because of all the doctors visits I had for my arms, physical therapy, regular therapy for my anxiety that had gotten out of control, and a psychiatrist. My health issues were eating into my workday, causing me to have to work early mornings, nights and weekends more than ever, and no doubt pissing off these people who thought I was making too much money to be deserving of any time off for doctor’s appointments.
My team got a new manager after 6 weeks, coincidentally just the day before I was to come back from bereavement. I was sneakily logged onto work every day to catch his name and I stealthily dialed into the conference call where he was introduced to the team. My 2-up manager that I’ve never spoken to even said at the outset: “I think we have everyone on the bridge. Thisjobisgonnakillme won’t be here, she’s on bereavement.”
I called up the administrators of our FMLA and Short Term Disability plans to file my claim. I got the forms and figured out which of my half-dozen doctors had to fill what out. My orthopedist signed me off for 12 weeks of absence straight away because she noted I’d been in pain since May so it would likely take awhile to heal. After talking with her, my PT and my psychiatrist, I will likely do physical therapy for 6 weeks and then enroll in a program for anxiety and stress management for the remaining 6 weeks before returning. All covered by my insurance and all FREE because I met my out of pocket maximum halfway through the year due to a hospital stay for a different medical issue.
The night before I was due back, I sat there grinning while looking at the next morning’s 8:00AM calendar invite from Wanda. In her illiterate fashion she had written, “It is IMPOTANT all crucial partners makes every effort to attend this call!!”
Like most of Wanda's obnoxiously illiterate declarations, it was a dig at me because I’d said in my last call with her and Pat that I might not be able to log on until 9AM on the day I returned from leave.
I opened a new window and typed out to my new manager, “Dear Phil, I hate that this is our first introduction to each other, but while I was attending my mother’s funeral an ongoing medical issue resurfaced and I need to take medical leave immediately.”
I went on to inform him I’d been hospitalized a couple months back and there were other issues that were preventing me from returning to work, and he could get the details from my prior manager Jim. Not that Jim paid a damn bit of attention to the emails I sent him detailing my doctor’s visits, etc. even as he had moved on from being my manager, because I still had to let him know about all my absences until I got a new manager. As things got worse at work, I became more clear in my details about my pain with typing getting worse, hoping it might make Jim realize the situation was getting worse, but he never listened.
So here I sit on a beautiful fall Friday morning, getting paid 100% of my salary to write this. Jim wasn’t happy about my salary when I was working for him. I wonder how happy he is about my salary knowing I’m not having to work for it right now.
When I return, I won’t be on the two projects with upcoming releases. One will have already released. The other will release less than 4 weeks after I come back. So they’re fucked on that. I wonder if they’ve figured out the test documents for November haven’t been signed off yet. I was supposed to finalize them for signoff, but Pat forced me to prioritize Wanda’s 2021 project over the November work, so the test documents are still sitting locally on my work desktop, untouched.
I will also be returning with a requirement for “accommodations”, which I am now entitled to as I’ve learned I qualify for them under the ADA. No more telling me I have to work from home or hunch over a table in the breakroom if I want to be in the office. I’m working with an occupational therapist to draft up what those accommodations will be, but a height-adjustable desk, two large monitors, and a “distraction-free workspace” are the top line requirements.
Meanwhile, my treatment plans include exercise, trail walks, both regular therapy and physical therapy, and a weekly massage as well! I’ve added in long visits to the library to read all the books I’ve been wanting to catch up on, and nice lunches a couple times a week to the mix.
Several times throughout the day I’ll look at my watch while walking the trails with my dog, or just relaxing, and I smile broadly thinking about Pat and Wanda and Wanda’s “IMPOTANT” project plan for 2021. Wonder what poor sod they’ve roped in to help her finish it now.
I still may just quit right after I return, or they can just fire me, I’d be indifferent about that. But at least this way I’ll have milked 12 more weeks of pay out of these assholes, while benefiting from all the free medical and emotional assistance my insurance plan can buy. They say living well is the best revenge, and I can’t think of a company or a group of people who deserve my pro revenge more.
tl;dr: Asshole boss moves to new role, poisons the well with my business partners by telling them I was the highest paid person on his prior team. They set out to make my life so miserable I almost quit. I decide instead to fuck them over "by the book", taking a much-needed extended medical leave, leaving them hanging for their upcoming releases, all the while still collecting that "highest paid" salary for a good, long while.
**Update, 1 year later:** [**Update: Escaping a hostile work environment, by the book**](https://www.reddit.com/r/ProRevenge/comments/elu0q5/update_escaping_a_hostile_work_environment_by_the/https://www.reddit.com/r/ProRevenge/comments/elu0q5/update_escaping_a_hostile_work_environment_by_the/)
I left one minor detail out of my first post: My mother was incredibly abusive and we hadn't spoken for 5 years. My "bereavement" leave was a week of chilling out trying to figure out what to do about work because I didn't even go to her funeral. No one at work knew this, my "official story" was I was grieving such a devastating loss, and that's what you'll read in the original post.
I think that's enough to catch everyone up. Here's how everything's gone down since...
First, the leave could not have come at a better time. The day I made my last post, [my sweet cat Ray](https://www.reddit.com/r/spreadytoes/comments/djpnsq/busted_while_ogling_his_spready_toes/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x) was "not himself". In fact, that's the last video I took of him. I took him to the emergency vet, where we found out he had lymphoma in his liver and pancreas. We had to let him go a couple of days later. There was no way I could have worked and grieved for him at the same time, and going on medical leave right after your cat dies is not nearly as socially acceptable as taking leave after your mom dies. Rest in peace, my sweet boy.
I was spinning for a good couple of weeks after that. My arms still hurt a lot and I wasn't able to type for more than 20-30 minutes, and even that hurt. I continued physical therapy, and was frustrated at how slow the progress was. My therapist asked me to video myself typing at home. He took one look at it and saw the problem immediately: My desk and chair were fine, the horizontal and vertical parts of my workspace were fine. The problem was that my keyboard was too narrow so my arms were constantly at an angle which caused stress on all the joints. At his recommendation, I bought an [ergonomic split keyboard](https://www.google.com/search?q=split+ergonomic+keyboard&client=firefox-b-1-d&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjA0uuZnfTmAhWCU80KHXFsBPAQ_AUoAnoECA8QBA&biw=1920&bih=966) and immediately noticed a difference. By the end of the year I was pain-free, although I still can't type for as long as I used to.
Because my out-of-pocket maximum had been reached with my health insurance, I took the opportunity to get everything checked out "under the hood". I'm 48 so I had a colonoscopy & endoscopy (fun!); the doc says my "colon is perfect" so if I ever need a Tinder bio, I know what to lead with. I went to the dermatologist, gynecologist, every 'ologist' in the book and except for my shitty arms, I'm pretty healthy.
I also went into an IOP (intensive outpatient program) for therapy the last six weeks of the year where I spent 3 hours, 3 days a week in group therapy with other people. I made some amazing and fascinating new friends, including a paramedic and firefighter both coping with PTSD, an Afghanistan veteran and several others. I also learned about "complex trauma" from childhood abuse, and came to realize that my anxiety, depression and ADHD were not necessarily three separate diagnoses, but instead were symptoms of "complex PTSD" (CPTSD) likely related to my mother's continual abuse and a few other traumatic childhood events.
Because of IOP, I'm now working with a "trauma therapist" and left my general therapist. After decades of regular therapy barely helping, I have someone to work with to help me truly put my past in the past so I can heal emotionally.
My mother's death and this leave was the best thing that could have happened for my physical and emotional health. When I made my last post, I resented the hell out of Jim, Pat and Wanda for being so cruel to me at work. I still don't like them, but I've moved past resentment and I'm now grateful for the situation, because their hostility was the catalyst that got me the treatment I've needed for ~~years~~ decades.
My husband and I also met with our financial adviser who, after running the numbers, made it clear that for both of us, work should be considered as more of a "want to" thing than a "need to" activity. (Turns out dual-income, no kids and saving throughout my 25 year career was a good decision!)
So I decided I don't "want to" work for this company anymore.
My leave ended and I returned to work two days ago. As soon as I returned I sat down with my new manager and told him about Jim, Pat and Wanda. Of course, no one had filled him in on their behavior. I gave him some hard copies of emails documenting their stunts. He was shocked by that, but was not surprised when I ended my 5 minute summary with, "So unfortunately I'm going to have to resign." I handed over my letter with my two-weeks notice.
He asked me if I truly wanted to work those two weeks and I said, "Not particularly, no, but I do want to get some things off my work computer so I need to get it back online." He agreed it would be a waste for me to try to really pick up anything. I jumped through the hoops of getting my computer online to get those docs. I blocked Jim, Pat and Wanda, along with three other people who were toxic but not QUITE as nasty as those three, as soon as I pulled up MS Communicator. I'm not attending any meetings. I have just one meeting on my calendar next week - the one where my new manager will announce my departure to the team. Meanwhile, I'm getting paid full salary for these two weeks as well, AND I'll get all my 2020 vacation days paid out when I leave!
So, the final tally of just how much Jim's asshole move cost my company and benefited me:
* 1 week of bereavement leave at 100% of my salary
* 8 weeks of FMLA paid at 100% "
* 4 weeks of FMLA paid at 65% "
* 1.5 weeks of extended "certified medical leave" paid at 65% "
* 2 weeks of salary at 100%
* 4 weeks of PTO payout at 100% "
For a grand total of 20.5 weeks or 5 months of salary (at varying rates) for doing nothing but **taking care of my own damn self**. And I'm not including the thousands of dollars I didn't have to pay while getting checkups, medical procedures, physical therapy and group therapy as it was all covered by my company's medical insurance.
I'm also not including what they all had to go through to put a new person on these releases, and all the stress I DIDN'T have because I didn't end up delivering on these projects. The weekend in November when my project was set to go live, I was in another town for an old friend's memorial, seeing people I hadn't seen in 20 years. I wouldn't have been able to attend if I hadn't gone on leave.
I'm not going to reveal my salary, but I will say that the last several months have cost the company tens of thousands of dollars, for my salary alone. The other benefits I've reaped, on top of the salary, have been immeasurable.
They say living well is the best revenge and it's true. Jim, Pat and Wanda are still their ugly-ass selves, chained to their desks, bitter and making sure everyone around them knows it.
As for me, I'm free of the chains of a 9-5 job. I don't think I'm going to look for another job for quite some time and when I do it's going to have to be something I want to do, not something I need to do. Now I just need to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.
**TL;DR:** Prior manager and business partners were assholes to me because they were jealous of my salary. I had a minor breakdown and took medical leave, grieved for the loss of my pet, the loss of an old friend, got healthier and got the therapy I really need to heal emotionally from some major shit in my life - all while still collecting that salary they were so jealous of.And now I'm leaving them behind to go fuck themselves while I figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. | almostselfrealised | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/np0378/revenge_is_a_dish_best_served_calmly_and_by_the/ | np0378 | 22,654 | 431 | [
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2021-05-31T16:35:36 | WIBTA if I told my daughter to find a different hobby? + UPDATE | AITA | [ORIGINAL](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bgq5r9/wibta_if_i_told_my_daughter_to_find_a_different/) by u/nomoreminiatures
My daughter Ann (17) has been obsessed with building miniatures ever since she saw Hereditary a few months back. Since then, she has probably spent close to 500 dollars on miniature sets from Amazon, Hobby Lobby, and etsy. All of this money comes from her job at a local movie theatre, so I can't exactly cut her off.
I can't explain why, but something about it drives me up the ****ing wall. Maybe it's because Toni Collette was so creepy? Maybe I just want to spend some quality time with my daughter instead of watching her waste her life in her bedroom. I hear my sister talk about dropping her daughter off at soccer, or how her son's the lead in the school play, and then think about how my daughter's upstairs building a tiny cottage with tweezers. She hasn't ever really shown interest in any hobbies before, so I thought it would be grateful that she's finally good at something, but mostly I'm just annoyed. Her grades are fine (Bs), her chores are always done, but mostly every second of her spare time is spent putting together miniatures. I try to ask her if she'd like to go for a walk with me, or sign up for cheerleading, but she always says no. My husband thinks its sweet and has started letting her put them around the house and in his office at work. Every day, I drink coffee next to a 60 dollar miniature greenhouse, and think about when the last time I had a genuine conversation with my daughter that didn't revolve around the merits of craft glue versus hot glue was.
I know I'm probably the asshole, but would I be the asshole if I asked her to find another hobby that might help her in life? Like something she could stick on a resume?
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/da44kc/update_wibta_if_i_told_my_daughter_to_find_a/)
Belated update to a post that was largely considered trolling, but wasn't.
I won't lie when I say that I immediately ignored the majority of you telling me I was the asshole. Or maybe ignore is the wrong word. I think I expected that from the get go, so being told I "peaked in high school" and "should get fucked along with all the plastic cheerleader wannabe SAHMs" rolled off my back. But, there were a few of you that did make me think long and hard about my relationship with my daughter and what sort of model (haha) I was setting for her. There was one comment in particular that's been sort of lost to the flood (if you can find it, I'd surely appreciate that) that mentioned my writing and how well it read, almost like a book.
Maybe it's self absorbed, but that's really what made me stop for a moment. I've had to sacrifice a lot to get my family where they are today. I won't get into details because I'm sure it would be boring and pretentious and might make you all feel that I'm just trying to garner sympathy after being such a bitch, but it did involve giving up my dreams in order to make sure there was food on the table. I gave myself some time and space to think and realized the problem stemmed from me, not her. (Surprise) I was bitter that everyone else seemed free to chase their passions when I had to work at things I hated for the things we needed. It seemed childish to me to be so selfish as to enjoy your free time when you could be making an effort for your family instead. That's neither here nor there but it definitely wasn't my daughter's fault that I was so resentful.
I like to think she was relatively unaware of my concerns with her hobbies (I never voiced my opinion one way or another and always drove her to Michaels) but I can say with certainty that our relationship has only improved in the last few months. I helped her build a miniature restaurant last Saturday and I've got a fun little carnival on my nightstand as I type this. I can't regain the time I've lost, but I can make sure she doesn't have to live the life I'm currently living.
Thanks for everything. | red_earaches | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/np7hxn/wibta_if_i_told_my_daughter_to_find_a_different/ | np7hxn | 4,035 | 735 | [
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2021-05-31T22:24:36 | Domestic Abuse Survivor Escapes With The Help Of r/Edinburgh, 2 Year Update | r/Edinburgh | [Original Post 3 Years Ago In r/Edinburgh](https://www.reddit.com/r/Edinburgh/comments/7sa041/what_help_is_there_in_edinburgh_for_those_stuck/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
What help is there in Edinburgh for those stuck in abusive relationships?
I really need help. I don't have a penny to my name or any family to turn to so I really can't see any way out. He's been emotionally abusive for a year and has started getting really physical in the past few months and I'm terrified of what might happen.
I'm an underweight 22yo and he's 29 and triple my size..
If anyone can point me in the direction of any organisation that can help me in any way I'd be really greatful. Thanks.
*From the comments:*
A comment encouraged OP to make a police report.
OP: " I have already been in hospital for stitches after he smashed a big mirror over my head but I said I did it to myself out of anger.. I hope they'll still believe me now."
"I have taken pictures of all the cuts and bruises I've been left with after his beatings"
"He has been promising to change for the best part of a year now, he has had such a hold over me and I feel so stupid to have kept coming back to him when I know he's only ever nice to make me feel guilty of something or to make me stay.
I feel like I've already been stuck in this cycle for so long and you're right, the niceness doesn't last long and it does get worse every time. But I'm hoping this is the last time and I've gotten so much great advice that's making me hopeful."
24/1/18 - He has been off work the past couple of days so I've not had the opportunity to leave yet, but I've been preparing and will hopefully get out in the next couple of days. I'm overwhelmed with the support, thank you all, it means so much to me and I really, really needed this.
[Update 2 Years Later](https://www.reddit.com/r/Edinburgh/comments/gcpqt7/2_year_update_thank_you_redinburgh_you_really/)
2 years ago, I posted to r/Edinburgh asking about services for abused women as I was completely stuck in an extremely abusive relationship. I was really underweight, wasn't allowed to work so didn't have a penny to my name, my mental health was absolutely terrible and I really struggled with self harm, I was being abused both mentally and physically and was terrified I was going to die.
I received so much advice and so many kind words. I was in such a dark place and had completely hit rock bottom but you guys honestly gave me so much hope and I was even helped to get into a hostel so I could get out and get the help I needed.
Now, I am healthy and I am happy. I managed to get back on my feet again. I have a job I love and I do volunteering with at-risk kids leaving care. I now live in a happy home with an awesome flatmate and I even got a cute wee cat. I haven't self harmed in a year and a half and while I'm still healing, my mental health is only getting better. I will never forget what he done to me but he lost all of his power over me in so many ways.
I just want to thank those on r/Edinburgh that helped me turn my life around. I didn't think I would get here. I appreciate you more than I could ever put into words ❤
[OP's Cat Tax](https://imgur.com/a/y294m1z)
*Final note:OP didn't say if charges were filed against the ex.* | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/npf0fy/domestic_abuse_survivor_escapes_with_the_help_of/ | npf0fy | 3,308 | 298 | [
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2021-05-31T22:33:01 | Surviving Depression With A 5 Year Update | r/Depression | [Original Post 6 Years Ago In r/Depression](https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/2oiwqp/sitting_in_this_library_i_dont_know_my_anymore/)
I am sitting in a solo carrel right next to 4 storey drop to the first floor atrium of a pretty well stocked library. There's a pillar up front and the people on the other side of the drop are too indulged in learning to look up and spot a sweating red face, twitching eyelids and a shaking body.
Was there, thought a walk in the cold Canadian outside would calm me. I usually crawl into my bed for a few days when I feel like this, but the walls in our new house are too thin. My house mates have sensed a different me and I'm avoiding the house. I was walking to the lake but I apprehend being see. I am in an old building, in a small room. Glad to have access to this place and I'm possibly the only person on this side of campus.
I moved around as a child. I have no family in this country and dont really like talking to my parents. I am international 4th year engineering student. I like history, film and economics to tell you the truth. I don't like engeineering, let alone mechanical, my dad's a mech. I hate the oil industry, but that's where i get all my resumes sent without knowing. I like the environment and sustainability.
I'm failing. Every passing day im digging myself deeper into a hole with no way out. I sent my dad an email before the summer saying I need to take time off and discuss serious personal issues. He never brought it up the entire summer and I couldn't dare bring it up. He's always been there for 'his' family and still feeds his 40 year old siblings.
I am a lost cause, 3 and half years of trying and I'm still not doing well. I can't sleep, i can't eat and I usually stuff myself with food just so i can go to sleep and not have to ponder over my existence. Every exam, I start trembling. The numbers mix up and I doubt how I solved the exact question perfectly a day ago. I dont know what I did, multiple scenarios pop up the same with my life. I can't tell truth from reality. Having had so many personas dealing with different people from drivers, to family, to poor and rich family, friends, teachers and what not, I dont know who i am.
I wish I had choice to choose what i wanted in life and not be told where to go and what to do. This isn't worth it all after $100,000 and so many relatives with their eyes on me. I wish i could jsut end it. These medicines I've becomoe immune to
[Update 5 Years Later ](https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/hvnxzt/update_5_year_update/)
I received an account notification from Reddit and saw this post I had apparently made 5 years ago which deserves an update.
As I read my post, it brought back the vague memories of that night and how close I had come to giving up. I had been unable To sleep for days and was probably hallucinating when I wrote the post.
I was admitted to a hospital a few hours after the post and took a year off school. I came to the realization that I had avoided seeking help due to my parents’ opposition to mental health and just kept this whole episode confidential. After many hours of counselling and weeks and weeks of behavioral therapy I understood myself more then I ever did growing up.
During my year off I took a job as a laborer. On orientation day, the hiring manager transferred me to fill A last minute vacancy in the engineering division as an engineering intern. I then returned to school and graduated with a job already lined up.
I’ve made a few career changes since and have stable highly paid job and no one has ever asked me my GPA. I have a great group of friends and a loving partner. My relationship with my parents isn’t the greatest but overall I’m Happy and thankful for everything in life to all those people who helped me that day, through it, and got me to where I Am Today.
My Depression hasn’t disappeared but has evolved into more of a dark Rainy cloud which visits every now and then and I’ve learned how and when to open an umbrella and stay positive. Sometimes i get drenched, but that’s okay.
I’m not a motivational Speaker but I hope my 5 year update gives you some hope for the future and encouragement to seek Help. Although I believe you don’t have to feel hopeful about the future, it’s enough to just feel Curious about what is to Come.
Goodluck! | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/npf6ig/surviving_depression_with_a_5_year_update/ | npf6ig | 4,379 | 174 | [
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2021-06-01T00:42:36 | A local artist's collective is taken over by an egotistical jerk who runs it into the ground, until OP's sister saves the day. | ProRevenge | *This is a repost. The [original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/ProRevenge/comments/aechly/power_hungry_president_sucks_the_joy_out_of_a/) is by /u/SisterSist.*
Posting from a throwaway. I heard all this second-hand as it was happening, so I'll try to be as faithful to the actual events as possible, with the caveat that I wasn't there. A warning and an apology: this is long.
For background, my older sister, who I'll call Beth, is married to her high school sweetheart, who I'll call Craig. Beth is a pretty laid-back person, but she has one hot button trigger that causes her to have zero chill: anyone treating her beloved Craig poorly. Craig is very quiet and kind, just in general a mild-mannered, good-natured guy who's not great at standing up for himself, so he often attracts bad actors who view him as an easy mark, and because he always assumes that other people have good intentions, he's not great at realizing when he's being mistreated. Beth is usually pretty relaxed about things, but she will basically turn into a howling, vengence-seeking banshee if anyone takes advantage of Craig.
Which brings us to ~2-3 years ago. Craig works a white collar job remotely, but he's an amateur artist/craftsman as a hobby. He does wood carving, a little bit of light metalwork, and 2-D art (mainly pencil sketches and pen-and-ink illustrations). He joined an artist's collective/makerspace where he could work on these hobbies around likeminded people, and he absolutely loved it. Whenever I hung out with him and Beth around this time, Craig would excitedly talk about the space and his projects there with infectious enthusiasm. His eyes were practically beaming out of his head whenever it came up. Beth joined too to learn/improve on her own hobby of fiber arts (mainly weaving and dyeing), but she was way less into it than Craig.
Some time after this, the president of the makerspace stepped down. It was essentially a volunteer position, though it came with a small (mostly symbolic) stipend. Since the makerspace had no actual staff, being president of the makerspace was a huge undertaking that involved being a one-man show for everything--for a start, coordinating with the board, keeping day-to-day operations going, and chasing the grants that kept the lights on. The current president just couldn't do it anymore with his full-time job, and announced his intention to vacate the role. Craig had come to love the makerspace, and he figured he had the resources to be an effective president. His job is entirely remote and deliverables-based (he can work whatever hours he wants as long as he's meeting his objectives), so he figured he could work out of the makerspace on his laptop and be available there if anyone needed him, and then do the heavy lifting of the role outside work hours. So he threw his hat in the ring.
Enter Jamie, a recent industrial design grad. Jamie was known to be flaky and very dramatic, but he'd been a member of the makerspace for a couple of years, almost as long as it had existed, and he felt entitled to be handed the presidency because he had seniority. He lost his damn mind when he heard that Craig had the audacity to go for the same role and complained to several members about how Craig was massively overstepping. This got back to Craig, who didn't really take it seriously, and it also got back to Beth, who, of course, was already irritated that Jamie was shit-stirring, but kept it to herself.
Long story short: Jamie won the member vote by a small margin, which Craig was very gracious about. Craig congratulated Jamie on the victory, then settled back into business as usual. Jamie... was not so gracious. He was enraged that Craig had gotten so many votes, and made it known to everyone that he was trying to figure out who had voted for Craig, and that they "would pay." Many of the members who had voted for Jamie passively because he'd been around forever and they didn't really know Craig were shocked by this behavior and started privately expressing regret to each other. But it gets worse. The makerspace had always offered members the perk of sponsoring workshops, meetups, and classes that anyone, members or non-members, could attend; all you had to do was sign up for the space on a first-come, first-served basis and kick up 20% of any profits to the makerspace if you charged a fee. Jamie started preemptively cancelling classes and workshops sponsored by anyone on his shit list by blocking off all available reservations during the regular times certain classes would be held. So Craig had traditionally sponsored a popular casting workshop on Wednesday evenings, and suddenly all Wednesday evenings were booked solid before the sign-up sheet was even available. He tried switching to Thursday, but after just one rescheduled workshop, suddenly Thursday evenings were out too. He tried Tuesdays, but because it was so early in the week, no one could come. Craig was bummed, but was still too good-natured to realize Jamie was intentionally sabotaging him out of spite, despite a righteously angry Beth trying to paint the picture for him of what was going on.
Beth. Was. Pissed. But she wasn't banshee pissed yet. Not until...Jamie selectively told the people on his shit list that member fees were going up. By almost double. He presented this as a makerspace-wide policy, but he made one crucial error. Somehow, Jamie never picked up on Craig and Beth being married, probably because he was never around both of them at the same time. So Beth flew under his radar, and he didn't raise her member fees, just Craig's and some of Craig's known friends, which confirmed to her that he was intentionally retaliating against Craig.
At this point, Beth had steam coming out of her ears and went to go talk to the board, since they have the power to cite or even throw out the president. They were uneasy about what she told them, but they said the president was technically allowed to set member fees, and they'd keep an eye on things.
Beth didn't really believe the board that they'd be keeping an eye on things, because Jamie was already dropping the ball all over the place, and the board wasn't making a peep over it. He wanted to be president because of the prestige, but he was never willing to do the work, so he just--didn't do it, and things were falling apart. The makerspace was getting late notices on unpaid bills, basic maintenance of the space wasn't getting done, materials weren't being restocked as they ran out, and the record keeping was nonexistent. It got so bad that the previous president who had stepped down because he couldn't handle the time commitment anymore (who had run the makerspace from its inception) quit as a member altogether because he was so saddened and disgusted by how bad things had gotten. He'd put his blood, sweat, and tears into this place, and stepped down from a role he treasured because he believed it was in the best interest of the organization, and now he had to watch Jamie run this place he loved into the ground out of sheer laziness. Craig was also losing his excitement over the makerspace, because he no longer had the space or resources to do the things he enjoyed there.
Beth, at this point, had gone from furiously angry to strategically angry. Suspecting that Jamie was being shady in more ways than one, she spent a few days being friendly to Jamie and sucking up to him, and then sprung on him the offer to help with the organization's bookkeeping and records. Still not realizing that she was Craig's wife, but knowing that she worked as a project manager in her day job, Jamie saw a chance to get some skilled work done at zero effort to himself, and he happily agreed, and gave her access to the makerspace's Google Sheets (not the most high-tech operation). For a little while, Beth bided her time, bringing the financial accounts up to date and continuing to be diabolically friendly to Jamie.
After a while of this, she calmly pulled together six copies of documents comparing the official organizational income that Jamie was reporting to her with the actual income, which Jamie was completely unaware she was tracking. These documents proved that Jamie was not only skimming money off the top of class and workshop fees, but was actively stealing money from the grants the makerspace was receiving, which is highly illegal. Beth gave the six board members her impeccably compiled proof of what was happening.
Almost immediately, the board "fired" Jamie and issued a lifetime ban from the makerspace. They were afraid of losing their grants if news came out about the gross misappropriation, so they didn't report Jamie to the authorities, but instead gave him 48 hours to return the stolen funds, the implication being that they would report him if he didn't. He panicked and complied, selling his car quickly to do it and scrounging up the difference in a ton of quick loans from friends, many of whom were makerspace members not aware of what was going on (no, he never paid them back). He's now persona non grata with all of his former friends, and while he still has a clean criminal record, word traveled pretty far in the local artist community, which means he was black listed from most of the industrial design jobs in the area and couldn't use his degree if he wanted to stay in town. As far as Beth and Craig knew, he moved away about six months after all this went down, but they haven't kept up with him, and don't know where he is.
The makerspace board realized their setup was bad, so instead of a single president, they restructured to have a panel of volunteer officers running the operation. Craig is one of them, and has happily thrown himself back into wood working and metal casting. Beth still helps out with the books.
TL;DR: Power hungry industrial designer tries to sabotage my brother-in-law's hobby; gets his life destroyed by my protective sister, who reveals that he's embezzling.
EDIT: OK, so revisiting these events in this post got me curious about Jamie, so I did some internet sleuthing to see where he is now. He lives in Austin, and he's still working in the food service industry, for the same chain he worked at throughout college. Based on the info I've been able to find, it looks like, aside from an unpaid internship he did right before he took over the makerspace, he's never worked a job that used his degree. So there's that.
EDIT 2: Forgot to say: thanks for the Reddit gold! Very unnecessary, but a kind gesture nonetheless.
---
[**UPDATE: two years later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/ProRevenge/comments/np8i9i/update_power_hungry_president_sucks_the_joy_out/) (*deleted by mods and retrieved from OP's profile [here](https://www.reddit.com/user/SisterSist/comments/npaz41/update_power_hungry_president_sucks_the_joy_out/).*)
I posted here over a couple of years ago about my sister taking down a sketchy nonprofit director who was abusing his position for financial gain, and also bullying my BIL in the process. I figured it may be time for an update because-- Jamie is in prison!
We don't know what happened exactly, but a couple of months ago, rumors started circulating around the makerspace that Jamie went to prison in Texas. One wine-drunk night at her house last week, Beth and I descended down the Google rabbit hole and saw that, yep, Jamie is now serving an eight-year sentence for felony theft! To be clear, this is not for the makerspace embezzlement-- that was never brought to the authorities. Clearly, Jamie is just up to his old tricks with someone else. (There were zero digitized news articles about what had happened, unfortunately.) Beth very rightfully pointed out that, if the board had pressed charges back in 2017, Jamie may not have had the opportunity to steal from whoever his next victim is. But, oh well, lesson learned!
The makerspace is still reeling from the gossip, and Beth says it's all anyone can talk about. I thought this sub may also be interested in the outcome!
Other updates: I showed my post two years ago to Beth and Craig when it blew up, and they were very touched by everyone's kind comments. Craig was a little shaken by my characterization of him and his role in the situation, and, seeing himself in a new light, expressed he should probably learn to stand up for himself. Spoiler alert, he still hasn't, but don't worry: Beth is still on the case.
The makerspace is doing really well, and the new leadership system is working perfectly. The makerspace weathered the pandemic beautifully, and pivoted to offering some digital classes, which helped sustain operations during the worst of it. The members also rallied hard to keep it running. It's now fully open and operational now, and members can come back and use all the nice equipment again after they've passed the two-week post-vaccination mark.
So, in summation, all is well here, and Jamie's shenanigans finally caught up to him! Thanks again to everyone for your kind words last time. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nphocx/a_local_artists_collective_is_taken_over_by_an/ | nphocx | 13,017 | 343 | [
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2021-06-01T01:29:39 | I found out my (31M) exwife (27F) cheated on me while she was pregnant. Now she says im emotionally manipulative because I’m “cold and distant” during custody switches. + UPDATE | Relationship_Advice | [ORIGINAL](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/nlt9ra/i_found_out_my_31m_exwife_27f_cheated_on_me_while/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) by u/throwRAdillon3
I (31M) found out my now exwife (27F) had been cheating on me last year, when she was 6 months pregnant. The affairs happened before and during the pregnancy, she had reasons and excuses and didn’t want to get a divorce, she wanted to stay together and do couples therapy, I told her to go ahead and get therapy but cheating was a dealbreaker for me so we got a divorce.
The house was mine before we got married so she moved back in with her parents, who had enough room to set up a nursery and give my ex the guest room. We agreed to an even 50/50 split of custody, my wife has our daughter Sunday-Wednesday, and the original plan was for her to drop her off at daycare on Wednesday morning, and my nanny picked her up around noon and brought her back to my house, where my daughter would stay with me until Saturday night or Sunday morning, depending on what worked best for everyone.
Then my ex said she thought the daycare was misplacing some things she was sending in for her to bring to my house, because a few times our daughter came home short some bottles or without her binkie. So Ex said she wanted to drop our daughter off at our house directly to make sure all of her things get to me. So she started picking her up from daycare on her breaks, and dropping her off here.
I work from home Wednesdays and Fridays. Even so, I’m working. When Ex began dropping off Nadine at my house, it was normally about 12:30. My daughters nanny (nice old lady from Barbados, not sure of her age but I’d say late 50s-60s) was the one to answer the door for my ex and take my daughter and her things, since I was in my office working.
Ex began saying she wanted to speak to me directly when she dropped off. She said she felt like “she was unloading a lot on the nanny and didn’t want her to forget to tell me anything”.
I would be lying if I said I didn’t still have some resentment and anger towards my ex. I don’t want my daughter to see that though, so when I talk to my ex I try to be as emotionally even as possible, just talk about the things that pertain to my daughter and no more.
At today’s drop off, Nadine had a dirty diaper so her nanny took her upstairs to change her. My ex asked me how I was doing and I told her I was fine, thank you, and then began to walk back to my office (she sees herself out, she used to live there). As I was walking away she says “you know, I’m getting really sick of your shit!” I didn’t even get a chance to ask her what shit she was talking about when she just started freaking out, saying I was “emotionally manipulating” her by being cold and distant, that she shouldn’t be punished forever for her mistakes and how me hating her is the same as me hating my daughter.
I let her finish yelling and then told her to leave. I think my best bet is to go no contact with her again, and not see her for drop offs anymore. But I was looking for some other perspectives or opinions on the matter if you might have them.
Edit: I got a paternity test once I found out she cheated, my daughter is mine.
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/npg7wv/update_i_found_out_my_31m_exwife_27f_cheated_on/)
First of all, I’d like to say thank you to everyone who took the time to comment their support, sympathies, and advice. I didn’t get a chance to respond to all the comments but I read and appreciate them all.
There were so many great suggestions. Someone suggested a website called “Talking Parents” which I believe is going to be a great resource for my exwife and I.
The thing I need to keep reminding myself is that in five or ten years, the negative and betrayed feelings I have for my exwife will most likely fade, but a hostile relationship between the two of us will impact our daughter forever. Because of this, I sat down with my exwife and had a (recorded) conversation about our situation.
I was very open and honest with her. I told her that I still had negative feelings towards her as my exwife, but as the mother of my child I would always treat her civilly and respectfully, but we had to have boundaries.
I told her that we are going back to the original plan where she drops her off at the daycare Wednesday mornings and my nanny picks her up in the afternoon. We’re going to communicate through the website which items should be sent home with her, so the nanny can double check to make sure she has everything.
My exwife isn’t happy, i think she was coming to my house in hopes of reconciliation, but I told her respectfully , but in no uncertain terms, that it was never going to happen, but I would love to evolve our relationship as awesome coparents to an amazing little girl, and maybe one day, friends.
Again, thank you to everyone who took the time to reply to my post. This community has been a wonderful resource for me, I hope you all have a wonderful night. | red_earaches | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/npiief/i_found_out_my_31m_exwife_27f_cheated_on_me_while/ | npiief | 5,065 | 651 | [
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2021-06-01T07:49:10 | This one is very cathartic, for me, not OP so much: AITA for making my girlfriend cook all the time instead of taking her out to nice restaurants? /r/amitheasshole | AITA | **Original:** [**AITA for very rarely/almost never wanting to go to restaurants because my girlfriend makes food that's just as good, if not better, than restaurant food?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/achoyx/aita_for_very_rarelyalmost_never_wanting_to_go_to/)**, posted in** /r/amitheasshole
I've been with my wonderful girlfriend for a few years now, and we usually get along great, aside from this current issue. You can skip to the TL;DR if the exposition is too long.
She's a self-proclaimed "foodie", which I honestly think is just selling herself short - she's a food genius. She can taste and smell a dish and then turn around and recreate it, or even make it better than the original.
If you taste something and wonder, 'what's that super subtle flavor?' she'll tell you, 'it's anchovy paste/sumac/lavender/some other obscure spice that you would never think of.' When someone is cooking something and they go, 'it's missing something,' she can tell you *exactly* what it needs.
(It doesn't stop there, she knew I had *touched* a diesel truck at work one morning as soon as I walked into the house *that night* because she could somehow smell it on me. It's either really cool or really creepy, depending on the day.)
That's not it, either. She *heard about a lost family recipe* and the next week, BAM, I'm eating my grandmother's homemade sausage again for the first time in fifteen years.
It's gotten to the point where I don't see any point in going out to eat, pretty much ever, except maybe her birthday. Even the most exotic ingredients aren't out of her reach, either, and, even though it's not about cost, I've saved up more being with her than I ever had in any other relationship. The only places we really go for date night is ramen - she can't figure out how to make the noodles, but she still tries so it's just a matter of time - and sushi.
Our anniversary was recently, and I had noticed that our local fish counter was selling sushi grade fish, along with the rolling mats and nori, so I suggested that we have homemade sushi for our anniversary dinner before going out and she upset and said, "I'm not learning how to make sushi because then I'll *never* get a real date ever again." We ended up going out instead.
It kinda took me by surprise that she got so mad, though. She's *lightly* mentioned wanting to go out occasionally to places like Olive Garden "because she likes the red sauce" or other places because she likes the food, and now that I'm thinking about it, she's gotten kinda gloomy because I've asked her to cook on date nights instead of going out more often.
She also brought up that food she cooks tastes better to me because she's tasting and smelling it while it cooks so her senses are dulled by the time it's served, but she has the most acute sense of smell/taste I've ever seen so I kinda think it's just an excuse.
I just don't think it's worth it to go out and pay restaurant food prices when we can stay home for home food prices and have food that's just as excellent.
TL;DR: So, Reddit, am I the asshole for not wanting to pay a restaurant to cook my meals because I practically have a private chef of my very own?
Edit: it's not about the financial aspect of staying home vs going out, I just thought that it was worth mentioning because it's been more of a saving than expected.
Edit 2: I'm taking her out tonight to grovel, guys. I'm also going to politely ask that, if she finds this off of Twitter, please don't smother me in my sleep for being such a dick
Edit3: no, twitter, I don't buy her flowers, thanks for rubbing it in. I buy her herbs and succulents. What flowers do I buy a woman who likes to preserve them afterward?
Also, yes, I wash the dishes
Final Edit:
Okay guys. This will probably be my last edit. This post exploded unexpectedly and I've tried to respond to as many comments as I can, but there's just too many of you. If you've asked me a direct question and I haven't answered, I'm sorry. My inbox is a mess.
I really took everything you guys gave said to heart, and I can honestly say that I've been an ass, and it's really hurt my relationship with my girlfriend. It's honestly a surprise that she's still my girlfriend after everything.
So her mom picked up the girls and I took her out to a really nice tapas restaurant. She was very excited and seemed to enjoy herself, and I apologized for being stupid. After, we took a walk and everything seemed perfect, so I asked her to marry me.
She said no. She did it kindly, but she still said no. She said that it wasn't a no forever, but she didn't want to commit to a one sided relationship and also said she doesn't think that it's fair that our relationship happens on 'my schedule' or 'my terms'.
I'm pretty heartbroken. I thought everything was pretty okay between us, but she thinks we should go to pre-marital (pre-engagement?) counseling and the division of labor needs to change over a serious sit down conversation.
So, Reddit, you were all right. I'm the asshole who almost lost the love of my life, and most of you were right - it wasn't over restaurants.
**Update:** [**UPDATE - AITA for very rarely/almost never wanting to go to restaurants because my girlfriend makes food that's just as good, if not better, than restaurant food?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b7vz7m/update_aita_for_very_rarelyalmost_never_wanting/)
A few months ago, I posted [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/achoyx/aita_for_very_rarelyalmost_never_wanting_to_go_to/) asking if I was an asshole for not wanting to take my girlfriend out to restaurants. It blew up. It ended up on Twitter. People shared it to Facebook.
The general consensus was, yes, that I am the asshole, and it just went downhill from there. A couple people told me to kill myself, so thanks for that. More than a couple people told me that they hoped my girlfriend broke up with me.
Well.
After I posted - and proposed and was rejected - things got pretty awkward between us for the first time in five years. She started to get snappy at me easily, she stopped being as affectionate to me, she started making pretty much nothing but casserole. Everything changed - to clarify, she usually liked to make more involved food than casserole.
Then one day, like three weeks ago, she threw down the spoon she was using to serve the thousandth casserole this month, and snipped at me, "Do you seriously fucking think that I *actually like* eating at Olive Garden?"
Guys, she saw the post. She was *furious*.
She doesn't like Olive Garden - she'll eat there because the kids love it and it's cheap. I was right about the red sauce being non-acidic, but, well, in her words, "she never developed a taste for pasta, she's Latino, do I ever see her make pasta? No. A meal isn't complete without rice. You don't know me at all."
She yelled about Olive Garden for a solid twenty minutes. It wasn't just about Olive Garden, but it was a lot about Olive Garden.
Long story short, we've been separated for a few weeks now, and it's not looking good. She "loves and respects me but feels it's best for her to respectfully disengage" from me for her own personal betterment.
So, yeah.
TL;DR: I ruined my family by not appreciating my girlfriend. I didn't take her out on dates and I didn't pay enough attention. I would do anything to fix everything.
Edit: To clarify a few things
1. I didn't post on April First.
2. I say that she yelled about "mostly Olive Garden" because she did. She was really embarrassed that a bunch of people on the internet were making fun of her over Olive Garden, where the kids are catered to.
3. She did not call herself Latino. She calls herself Latinx, but I thought Latino would be less confusing. Guess it just made me look like a dick. | almostselfrealised | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/npolam/this_one_is_very_cathartic_for_me_not_op_so_much/ | npolam | 7,846 | 463 | [
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2021-06-01T16:19:28 | How do I (33/f) stop resenting my husband (33/m)? + UPDATE | r/relationships | [ORIGINAL](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/bvsdrb/how_do_i_33f_stop_resenting_my_husband_33m/) by u/Resentment_
My husband and I have been together 15 years and married for 11. He’s a physician in the US which, as most everyone knows, comes with a hefty price tag. We got married right out of undergrad and the summer before he started medical school. I had to change which masters program i was going to last minute but i was able to get in and get a job and was able to support the both of us with this job (that I loved) while he finished med school. When he graduated, he got a residency in another state (and barely even consulted me about it before he applied and interviewed and decided. I put it behind me and packed up and moved with him and was luckily able to find another job that was better salary wise but I hated and was able to fully support us both while he was able to put all of the money he made in residency towards his student loans. After he finished, I was able to get a different job thats better than I ever could’ve dreamed of and got a major promotion near the end of 2018.
Since January 2019 my husband has been pushing for us to start trying for a baby. He also doesnt want strangers “raising” his children so he doesn’t want to put them in daycare or have a nanny when we have them. We also don’t have any family close by nor do we have any friends that would be able to take on that responsibility. He also doesn’t want to quit his job or go down to part time in his job to take care of said kids, but he expects me to be a stay at home mom. I’m not ready for a baby right now. I’m not ready to sideline my career and leave my dream job that I have worked my ass off for. I told him as much which resulted in a fight where he told me that I should leave my job because his is more important than mine since he “saves lives everyday” and I don’t and ultimately most people could do my job with a “little bit of common sense” whereas his is way more than just sitting at a desk all day (which I don’t even do). When the subject of kids came up years ago, he said no because he wasn’t ready and wanted to finish his education. Despite what I wanted, I accepted it and moved on because I understood where he was coming from and respected his feelings. When I brought this up he said I was throwing it in his face and making him feel guilty for wanting to pursue his dreams.
I had to walk away because I was so furious and hurt by what he said. And since that fight, I’ve been thinking about it over and over and have found myself thinking things i probably shouldn’t and wanting to bring up how my unimportant career supported his ass while he accomplished his dreams but he didn’t complain about how unimportant it was then. I supported him mentally, emotionally, and physically too and if he was up at home studying I was up helping him study, I made sure his clothes were clean and that he ate and slept and was comfortable when he came home after he had a long day despite me also having a long day. I dealt with my father passing away on my own because he was unavailable due to his training. I gave up my dream program, my original dream job, the place I loved and wanted to live forever and my desire to have kids so that he could accomplish his goals. I was depressed and miserable for years at a job I didn’t like, in a city that I hated because it meant he was able get what he wanted in life. I know you’re not supposed to do things with the intention of being paid back or “keeping score” but I did all of those things because I love my husband and expected that, at the VERY LEAST, he would respect me and my career and be understanding and supportive of my wants and needs like I have been with him since the moment we got married. It just seems like I’m the only one sacrificing and being selfless in our marriage. And not only that but my job is important. I may not be an MD or “saving lives” in the moment but I am making a significant difference and change in the lives of my patients and helping improve their quality of life and leading them to be healthier overall and work alongside several physicians who have recognized the positive impact I’ve had on the lives of many people yet the one who matters most to me doesn’t recognize or believe this and it hurts like hell honestly. I’m mad and hurt right now but I know that if the resentment fully sets in it’ll be the worst case scenario. How do I stop this from happening and how do I stop feeling this way towards my husband?
Tl;Dr: Husband is being a jerk about my career and I feel myself starting to resent him and don’t want these feelings to get any worse towards him. How can I stop having these thoughts about him and our marriage?
[UPDATE](https://www.removeddit.com/r/relationships/comments/byp23f/update_how_do_i_33f_stop_resenting_my_husband_33m/)
I first just wanna say thank you to everyone who commented and posted on the last post. There were a lot of great responses that really made me think and helped me make my decision.
I did a lot of thinking and I realized that I’ve been very unhappy with my husband for a long time but held on because I was hopeful about the person he would become after everything was over and I was hopeful about what we could be as a married couple and I kept making excuses about his behavior and how he treated me because I “loved” him and felt that that’s what a wife was supposed to do even if it came at my expense for over 11 years.
Before I even made the original post, he was incredibly dismissive and whenever we’d be in the same room he’d make a joke out of me being upset at the situation (as usual) and would ask if I was over it yet or say little irritating things that just showed that he didn’t take the issue or me seriously and just expected me to hop on board with being a stay at home mom and quitting my job completely.
After I made the post I really thought about it and still wanted to leave even after days of weighing my options and the pros of leaving way outweighed the cons and I honestly felt relieved when I thought about not having to be married to him or come home to him and have to be his wife.
I decided to wait until Friday to talk to him because I wanted to be able to leave for a few days and I didn’t want him to blame me should something happen to one of his patients after we talked. To make this very long story somewhat short, it did not go well at all. I told him, very calmly, that what he said about his job being more important than mine was a shitty thing to say and instantly he downplayed it and fake apologized that “telling the truth made me feel bad about myself.” I tried to remain level headed and discuss the rest of everything and it just overall did not go well. He also accused me of being selfish and unsupportive of his dreams and when I brought up everything I did for him, he told me it was nothing special since that’s what I was supposed to do. And when I asked where were the things he was supposed to do as a husband, he said his being a doctor was his contribution to me, somehow, and that I should be thankful that he’s giving us a great life (a lie). After that, it got really really heated and I told him I wasn’t happy and haven’t been for a long time and that I wasn’t even gonna consider having kids with him unless he got his own serious therapy and we went to couples counseling and were good for a while. He scoffed at the idea and said he didn’t need therapy and just couldn’t believe that I was unhappy when he’s given me everything I could want (a complete lie). And since he was completely unwilling to go to any type of counseling or therapy, I told him I wanted a divorce which made him irate but he later said he could find tons of women who would want to be married to and have babies by a doctor and that they’d be a better mother and wife anyways. I’m going to let him go find that other unfortunate woman to have his babies because I’m done with him and honestly cannot wait to just be away from him. I’ve been at my moms for a day now and he’s been calling but I just want this to be over. I’m sick of being miserable and will begin the process first thing tomorrow. So, yeah.
TLDR; We’re getting a divorce. | red_earaches | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/npxsvj/how_do_i_33f_stop_resenting_my_husband_33m_update/ | npxsvj | 8,273 | 959 | [
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2021-06-01T18:30:16 | Coming at you straight from Bizarre-o-land: OP is a technical specialist in the construction field, and she keeps getting included in Administrative Professionals Day (formerly Secretary's Day) for the sole reason that she's a woman. [AskAManager] | EXTERNAL: AskAManager | *This is a repost, not from Reddit, but from the AskAManager blog. [The original link is here](https://www.askamanager.org/2020/04/should-i-expand-my-job-search-outside-of-my-industry-my-coworkers-arent-working-and-more.html).*
Administrative Professionals Day is coming up on Wednesday and I am already dreading it.
I am not an administrative professional but I work in the construction industry. In our company, women make up 20% of the office staff. All but four are considered administrative support.
Every year for Administrative Professionals Day, the company pays for lunch (they buy take-out and serve it in a conference room) and gives away some small token of appreciation (a mug or a balloon). Every year, all the women in the office are invited. The first year the invitation was extended to me, I was told, “We know you’re not an admin, but we didn’t want you to feel left out since most of the women in the office will be attending.”
Rather than feel included, the annual invitation makes me feel somewhat insulted. I have a four-year degree and 20+ years of professional experience. I work in creative services, perform various tech and software functions, and wear other hats as needed. I am proud of my work and my accomplishments, but being lumped in just because I’m also a woman makes me feel minimized.
I generally decline the invitation without any fuss (“I’ve got a prior lunch engagement”) but I wonder if I’m being too sensitive? I get that they are trying to do a nice thing but I end up feeling patronized.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.askamanager.org/2021/05/update-my-office-includes-me-in-administrative-professionals-day-just-because-im-a-woman.html) *(link is external to Reddit)*
I’m the letter writer from last year who was not an admin, yet kept getting included in Admin Professionals Day simply because I’m a woman. I thought you might enjoy a two-part update:
**2020**
I knew they were going to include me in Admin Day last year because I’d been asked to help choose a gift for attendees. At the time, I asked the HR manager not to invite me to the luncheon because I was not an administrative professional. She told me, “But you’re administrative support.” I disagreed.
Her: “Everyone who works in the office is administrative support for the teams in the field.”
Me: “That doesn’t make any sense. Does that include you? Does that include the executives? The company owners?”
Her: “Yes, an argument could be made for that.”
So Admin Professionals Day came and I received a congratulatory email and an e-gift card. Immediately I called my boss and asked, “Am I an admin?” He said definitely not. He explained that I was on the list the HR manager brought to company executives to be “scrubbed.” They scrubbed the list three times to make sure no one was forgotten. Each time, he pushed back and said “Should OP really be included on this list?” And each time, the HR manager (who already knew I didn’t want to be included) affirmed that I should be. The reason: “She’s always been on the list in the past.”
My boss apologized to me, encouraged me to make use of the gift card anyway, and promised I would never be included on the list again.
**2021**
This year, the same HR manager called me to tell me that Admin Professionals Day is coming up and to ask if I wanted to be included in this year’s festivities. Whaat???
I told her absolutely not. I told her that I’d already told my boss not to include me. Her response: “He did mention that, but I wanted to check with you anyway because the parameters have changed.”
Me: “What are the new parameters?”
Her: “Anyone who’s hourly and has no direct reports.”
They’re not even trying to honor Administrative Professionals! It’s ridiculous. I told her not to include me again, ever. Hopefully I won’t have to send you an update in 2022. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nq0y4u/coming_at_you_straight_from_bizarreoland_op_is_a/ | nq0y4u | 3,844 | 256 | [
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2021-06-01T18:42:11 | I (22F) looked at my boyfriend's (24M) messages and found out he lies about me behind my back. + UPDATE | Relationship_Advice | [ORIGINAL](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/mzd432/i_22f_looked_at_my_boyfriends_24m_messages_and/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) by u/Impossible-Crow27
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost three years. We've been living together for about 8 months now. It's his house and we agreed that if I cook, clean, whatever I can live with him and save money by not getting a dorm this year. I do pay a small rent to him and I am currently a full time student, I'm not working at the moment because I transferred schools and moved across the state at the beginning of the school year to be near him/my university and I need time to adjust. I have severe anxiety so I don't adjust to new places quickly.
Now living together has been fine for the most part, to a degree we are still learning how to live with each other. We were previously long distance so it has been an adjustment always being together. I cook most of the time, I clean the house, do all the laundry, etc as we agreed. My boyfriend's only regular responsibility is to take out the trash.
I'm not perfect, I'm obviously human and moving in together has showed me a many new things about my boyfriend, one of those things being that my boyfriend has a lot of lady friends. I don't care who my boyfriend talks to normally. I only really have a problem with one of them. We'll call her J. She has a long track record of being inappropriate with my boyfriend and the other guys in their friend group. When I try to talk to my boyfriend about it, he says she's fine because they've been friends for a long time and she's just seeking "friendly advice". We get nowhere with those conversations. Anyway, their main way of communication is Discord. Recently, I have noticed he muted her, presumably so her notifications stop popping up. (It bugs me when I see her pop up all the time). But I thought it was sketchy regardless.
Friday night, my boyfriend was busy downstairs so I hopped on his computer to turn on our Minecraft server without bugging him and he had Discord open on his second monitor. At that point, my curiosity was eating me alive and I peeked. I know it's wrong but I read he and J's messages. I found out, he was complaining that I let dishes pile up (I have done the dishes everyday except for 3 times total because I was studying for finals), he complained that I let laundry pile up and my clothes are everywhere (???), he said all I do is lay in bed and play on my phone (which is false), he complained that I am too loud and whining out loud because he wasn't giving me attention (I do not have the audacity to do that while he's working- which he was when he sent the message) I was in lecture when he sent it as well, he also said that he was disappointed I was staying for summer. Lastly he said that he's slowly losing feelings for me everyday. Of course J sympathized with him as any person would.
I was gobstopped and didn't know what to do. I was confused why he was saying those things. I was confused why he was lying. I had no idea he was supposedly losing feelings. I don't know if that's a regular thing that he talks to his friends about. He hadn't brought up any problems to me and seemed otherwise happy with our relationship. I previously asked if he was okay with me staying over summer and he said yes. I brought the situation up in an offhanded way that night by asking him if he's satisfied with our relationship and if there's anything he needs from me (which is not strange because I ask that often). He said that he was very happy with our relationship and that he loved me very much. I don't know if I should admit that I peeped his conversation and confront him. I also don't know if this is serious enough to break up with him because he has not communicated any negativity towards our living situation and I essentially would be breaking up with him out of the blue. If I never looked, I never would have known. Ever. I asked my sister about this but she was completely unhelpful and said "girrrrl I don't know". I would appreciate an outside opinion or helpful advice about my situation because I feel like I'm going crazy.
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/npy9l1/update_i_22f_looked_at_my_boyfriends_24m_messages/)
I wasn't going to update this originally, but some fun details have come out and I'd thought I would share. A lot of people came forward with the consensus to leave him and it was honestly so nice to be validated for once. That really gave me the extra push to carefully plan my exit. I'm happy to report I was able to reach out to a family member and they were able to help me move out. I'm currently back at my parents place across the state and I have an apartment lined up for fall.
I did end up confronting him about his lies. It was messy. He could give me no reason as to why he would make stuff up. Most likely protecting himself. He said he was going to feel us out and see where it went, but I don't think he had any intention of communicating his negative thoughts at any point. I did end up saying "You just want a maid who will suck your dick and stroke your ego!!" (I can't find the commenter who said that originally, but thank you because it was gold). Which is not something I would usually say. I've always been gentle and domestic with him, never spoken to him out of anger and even in arguments I would never ever make personal attacks in all our years together. You guys should have seen him shrink into his shell.
Fun fact, I made that original post a day after my 22nd birthday. The reason why I am updating this now is because it turns out he did in fact cheat on me, right before my birthday. It is something that had just come out this past week and I found it hilarious that my gut knew something was wrong. The woman he cheated on me with wasn't even the friend (J) I was worried about. I was never worried about that particular woman he cheated on me with because she's married, because at least to me- that meant something. Anyways, I feel so stupid for staying as long as I did getting played like that.
I don't regret looking at his messages. The only regret I have about it is that if I took another minute to look at more of his interactions, I would have seen him cheating on me, right there. At that exact time. But the friend he cheated on me with was never on my radar. After I moved out, I ended up reaching out to J and we talked things out. She was upset she never heard my side of the story and we're actually on decent terms now.
I deserve so much better. I'm glad I left. | red_earaches | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nq18hh/i_22f_looked_at_my_boyfriends_24m_messages_and/ | nq18hh | 6,632 | 431 | [
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2021-06-02T16:01:33 | I sold this house to you, and I want to buy it back for less than half of the price! + UPDATE | r/entitledparents | [ORIGINAL](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/c5ckih/i_sold_this_house_to_you_and_i_want_to_buy_it/) by u/mckynetic
Hey guys! I never thought I'd post something here again. But this just happened to my sister and it was probably the most infuriating thing I have ever heard about my aunt. I apologize in advance if this is going to be a super long read, but I think it's quite necessary for the story to make sense. But if you don't like reading walls of texts, TL;DR at the bottom.
First, let me describe the kind of Aunt that we have. This Aunt (or Entitled Aunt I should say) of ours has been the source of headache for us as a family emotionally and monetarily! She would always ask my mom and dad for a loan that would take YEARS for her to pay (where those loans go is one of our biggest questions to date). And whenever my mom or my eldest sister would ask her for the payment, she would always play the "I'm family" card and be all emotional and shit to play on my mom's emotions. My mom has a soft spot with her family and she would most likely let it slide. But not my eldest sister. She would constantly remind and warn my aunt to pay her debts or she'll do something about it. My aunt would then turn to my mom asking for protection from my sister, to which my mom would talk to my sister about it. My sister though is not having it and is just relentless on her pursuit of making my aunt pay her debts. This got to a point where my aunt warned to sue my sister if she doesn't stop, to which my sister openly invited (my sister works on a law firm so she knows the law and that our aunt has no case at all). Ultimately, our aunt paid but not without any parting words of how our family are a bunch of "rude people" and that "she would never ever talk to us again!" and such. But after a month or so, she made up with my mom and everything was well... except for my eldest sister.
So for context with the title, my aunt put her house up for sale due to her children moving out (she had 2 daughters who are all married now). Initially, she said that the house was "getting too big for me to keep/maintain" and that she'd plan on buying a nice condominium near the downtown area (her house is a 30-45 minute drive from downtown). My uncle didn't want her to sell it to someone they do not know or at least does not have an affinity to, so she suggested to sell the house to a relative or a super close friend.
My aunt then talked to my youngest sister (I have 3 sisters and I'm the only guy) and pitched her the idea of buying the house from her. At first, my sister didn't really want to entertain the idea of buying a house at this point in time as they have 2 kids that they are sending to a not-so-cheap school. But my aunt then pulled the "sentimental value" card and that it would be a shame if the house was sold to someone else.
Admittedly though, the house did have sentimental value for us siblings and cousins. We used to spend our summers over there as it's in a pretty nice neighborhood and we have friends there as well. A basketball court is fronting the house which is a win-win situation since they both have boys and her husband is a good basketball player. My aunt saw this as an opportunity for the boys and her husband to train or whatever.
To my aunt's credit, she did have a nice pitch to my sister so I got to give her that. My sister and her husband discussed this in length (it literally took about a month before they had their decision). My sister and her husband decided to buy the house as they have long planned to have a house of there own. But her husband's grand mother begged them to stay at the current house they're living in until his grand mother can return back as she was sorting something out from a different city. So they decided to have it leased until they are ready to move
My eldest sister (who by the way was against ALL OF THIS) helped with all the contract and legal stuff so they can cover all there bases. The details of the sale aren't really familiar to me, but if my memory serves me right, the house and lot was sold for more or less 1 million pesos. My sister gave my aunt a more than generous amount of time to move out (6 months).
When the time came that everything was moved out, my sister and her husband decided to pay a visit to their recently bought house and see to what extent the renovation would be. And to there surprise, the condition of the house was A LITERAL SHITHOLE! The walls and ceiling were falling apart, the tiles on the floor were chipped or starting to get chipped, the main bedroom was a mess, and the kitchen smelled like someone died in there for weeks! Although my aunt did disclose that "some renovation" work would be needed, but she never disclosed that the house was that FUCKED UP!
But whatever, they decided to have the house renovated and it cost them another 300k!
Once the renovation was done, the difference was night and day! As they were not moving in to the new house yet, they listed the house for lease on some places and it garnered a lot of interest. The house was then leased to a foreign couple.
The transaction went smoothly with the help of my eldest sister once again. And the couple even paid full price for the whole duration of the lease.
Everything was as smooth as butter.. until yesterday.
My sister got a call from the couple who leased the house early in the morning when she was dropping off the kids to school. This was on a Monday and my sister is usually super busy on this days. And this was one of those days. She answered the call and the following ensued (sidenote: this is all based from my sister's retelling of the events/conversations. It might not be 100% accurate but I'll try to be as close to it as possible):
S = My Sister; NH = Nice Husband; NW = Nice Wife; EA = Entitled Aunt
S: Hello NH! Haven't heard from you for a long time! May I know why you called?
NH: There's someone at the gate claiming that this is her house?
S: (confused) Huh? Uhm, she just might be a crazy person roaming around the area.
NH: Well no, she showed me pictures of the house and her in it.
At this point, my sister kind of knew what was happening so she hurriedly drove there. She was coming from the different side of town, so it took her about an hour to get there.
When she got there, she saw EA outside screaming to let her in! The neighbors were already out and witnessing the commotion! EA sees my sister and hurriedly goes to her.
EA: Hey, S! They won't let me in! (points towards the nice couple)
S: EA, what are you doing here?
EA: Well, this was once my house! Am I not allowed to enter?
S: What do you mean?
EA: I sold you this house, remember? And now I see that someone else is living here!
S: Well, they are leasing the house.
EA: What?! Why would you lease the house to someone I don't know?
S: (getting angry) Because this is my house? I can lease it to whoever I want!
At this point, my sister couldn't believe the stupidity of this situation and was kind of getting embarrassed with the neighbors looking on. So she told EA to go inside so they can discuss it.
Once they were in the house, my sister introduced EA to the couple who leased the property and the following ensued:
EA: (to the couple) how much did you lease the house for?
NH: Excuse me?
EA: I said, how much did you pay for the lease?
NW: I'm sorry, but we don't see the need of discussing that to you.
EA: Why not? (turns to my sister and asks) How much are they paying for the lease?
S: It's none of your business! This is my property and I'm already generous enough to have let you in!
EA: What?! I sold you this beautiful house and you treat me this way?! (looks at the couple again) Was the house sold to you two?! Tell me!
NH: (laughs) Look lady, even if we did bought it, we don't need to tell you the specifics since we're not dealing with you. And no, we didn't buy this house.
EA: You're a liar! (faces my sister) I'll take the house back now!
S: Excuse me? Are you out of your mind?!
EA: No I'm not! And it's clear to me that you're an irresponsible home owner! (takes something from her bag). Here, take this 300 thousand pesos and give me back my house!
S: 300 thousand pesos!? Seriously!? (slams the money to EA's chest. My sister is fuming at this point) You need to leave my property right now! I won't allow you to disrespect me in front of this nice people! 300 thousand when we bought this house from you for 1 million?!
EA: You can't kick me out of here! This is my house!
S: (grabs her phone) I'm calling the cops now!
EA then bolts out of there. On her way out, she screamed "I'll come back and take the house! This is not the end of this!".
After EA was nowhere to be seen, my sister broke down in front of the nice couple. The couple asked her a few details about EA and they were super understanding. My sister offered to return about 1/4 of the total money they paid for the lease, but the couple said that it's not necessary. Her husband knew what happened and he was FURIOUS to a point that he almost went to the condominium where EA was living in, but my sister was able to calm her down before anything bad happened.
As of now, my sister and her husband are seeking legal advice from my eldest sister and her firm. I'll post any updates if there are any.
TL;DR: Aunt sells her house to my sister with a pretty good sales pitch. House sold for more or less 1 million pesos with assurance that not much renovation was needed. Turned out it was a lie and renovation cost about 300k. After the renovation was finished, the house was leased to a foreign couple as sister and her husband was not moving in to the house yet. Then aunt offers to buy back the house for 300k which is significantly lower than the actual purchase price of the house.
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/cbrj2k/i_sold_this_house_to_you_and_i_want_to_buy_it/)
Hey guys! Reaaaaaaaaaally sorry if the update to this is suuuper late! Why? Well, on the day that I was going to post an update, I had severe food poisoning and had to stay in the hospital for a week. I was discharged last Friday but I only got to posting this now because, well I actually forgot that I had a reddit account and a post to update! Since my last post might have already been buried in the depths of this subreddit, it'd be more convenient if I just create a new post for the update!
With that said, let's get right in to it!
So some of you were asking why my sister and her husband didn't check the house before actually purchasing it. Well, they actually did. But my aunt apparently had amazing skills in hiding the flaws of the house that they didn't see it before it's too late. Admittedly though, the check wasn't really thorough since they are a very busy couple managing multiple business/work and stuff. Add to the fact that they basically ride and fetch there kids to and from school, they're already cramping a lot of things on their otherwise busy everyday schedule.
A day after the "incident", the nice couple who leased the house met with my eldest sister in the law firm that she works at. They discussed what their options are in case our crazy aunt pulls that stunt again, but they didn't want to file a restraining order at the time. My sister suggested that if ever our aunt strikes again that they call the police and my sister. My eldest sister also informed my younger sister to prepare any legal documents showing that the property was hers.
As this was happening, my uncle, who talked to my aunt the day the "incident" happened, spoke to my mom and told her everything that our crazy aunt did before and after the house was sold and what happened a day before! The story gets a little bit long and crazy here so I'll just provide bullet point summaries on the most important info of the whole conversation (sidenote: everything here is only based on what I understood was said and might be inaccurate on some parts. But I'll try to verify and update some of the info here if need be):
Apparently, I was wrong on the assumption that my aunt bought a condominium. Instead, she bought a new house through a popular house and lot developers here, Camella Homes.
Before the house was even sold, she (crazy aunt) was able to somehow convince her eldest daughter into buying a new house with her. And that they'd split the cost once the house was sold!
After the house was sold to my sister, crazy aunt spent almost HALF of it in to buying new furnitures/appliances. The crazy part about this is that most of the furnitures/appliances in their old house was still VERY MUCH SERVICEABLE or even in crisp condition that my uncle was boggled as to why she'd need to buy new ones! Her reason? "New house, new things!" talk about practicality!
Where did the other almost HALF go? Well, she went on and treated her friends through fancy restaurants and/or clubs! And here's the kicker, she paid diddly squat on the new house she's living in!
Now there was still some money left after all the spending. And when it came time that she'd pay for her part of the house, she casually told her daughter that it has been spent with new stuff for the house. And when asked where the not-so old stuff were, she just said "Well, I gave them away to my friends!". When pressed if it was given or sold, "I gave them away! I can't sell my friends old stuff!", like WTF?
Now obviously, her daughter got upset with all of this and threatened to no longer pay unless she pays her part. Crazy aunt then played the "You ungrateful bitch" card to her daughter, and surprisingly turned the tables around! I don't really know how she did it, but she did it!
As mentioned earlier, there are some money left but it's not much. And my crazy aunt heard of this investment scheme that is quite honestly, too good to be true! This investment scheme promised 30% return to your investment PER MONTH! I don't really know much about it, but here's a great article about this "scam" and I highly recommend reading it!
As it turns out, the remaining money (upwards 50k) was invested in this "scam". And when news broke that the "scam" was being stopped by the government, my uncle claimed that crazy aunt went batshit crazy and started having temper tantrums out of nowhere! Even her friends became victims of this sudden outburst that she was somehow "banned indefinitely" on her Zumba group!
The 300K she had on hand was not from the investment "scam" that she put herself in to, but from her daughter for advanced payment of the house. My uncle said that when she got hold of the money, she quickly went through the old house she sold, and the rest is history.
So there's the update. As of writing this, the new house was apparently sold/assumed to one of her friends and crazy aunt moved to Japan to her daughters. I just hope my cousin will be able to keep her sanity after all of this and the hell brought upon by her mom. | red_earaches | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nqp79j/i_sold_this_house_to_you_and_i_want_to_buy_it/ | nqp79j | 15,015 | 289 | [
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2021-06-02T21:29:39 | All around, this one just breaks my heart: AITA for despising my mentally handicap sister? | AITA | ***Original:*** [***AITA for despising my mentally handicap sister?***](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/awyi8k/aita_for_despising_my_mentally_handicap_sister/) ***Posted in*** /r/amitheasshole
The title makes me sound horrible but hear me out.
My sister is severely autistic. She requires attention almost 24/7 and cannot be left alone. She is non-verbal and cannot take care of herself at all. Despite the fact that she is only 12 she is extremely destructive and violent and destroys anything she gets her hands on.
I hate her. That should be wrong to say but it doesn't feel like it.
I was only 6 years old when she was born and since then i've never solely had my parents attention. Even since I can remember the world has revolved around her. I was moved out of my room into the basement at 7 because she needed to be in the room next to my parents. All of my toys as a child were destroyed by her and my parents simply ignored me when I complained. Even when I was 14 and she destroyed a mac my school gave me I was in the wrong.
Along with this I am expected to take care of her and drop everything I do for her. I can never make plans with friend because my parents "expect" me to be there if they need me to take care of her. Even when I do somehow get time to myself I am required to leave if they need me. If i do not then I am punished. The recent example of this is when I went to see the new spider man movie, and was "grounded" because i turned my phone off in the theater.
It seems as if I am nothing more than a slave to them and anything involving her simply overshadows me. This last week I was chosen to give a speech at a school event. I was so exited and my parents promised to be there, but they never showed and claimed it was because of my sister. Anytime anything like this happens for me they are to busy with her.
I've held this in for so long and it finally spilled out today. While talking about colleges with my father, he joked that I should get a degree that pays well so when their gone I can take care of my sister. I don't know why but this caused me to break down. I cried and screamed about how it always about her. I'm nothing more than a caretaker to them, that they always make it about her and that I'm expected to be her "slave" for the rest of my life.
I've locked myself in my room since then and my parents have not come to check on me. Am i the asshole here?
Edit/Update kinda:
Wow, thank you for all the support and love that you guys have given me. I never expected this post to reach the popularity it did. Thank you all. After thinking about it for these past hours, you are right that I don't despise my sister. It's not her fault that she was born the way she is. My parents came to talk to me a while after my break down but I was unable to bring myself to talk to them and only cried and asked them to leave. They have made arrangements with my grandfather for me to stay with him for the time being and am getting ready to go to his house. My parents want to talk to me but we have decided it's best I leave for now to have some space and time to collect myself. we will be sitting down and talking later this week about this issue. Thank you all again for the love and support through this <3
***Update:*** [***UPDATE, AITA for despising my mentally handicap sister?***](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/azvko1/update_aita_for_despising_my_mentally_handicap/)
I'm back like I said I would be,. My [original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/awyi8k/aita_for_despising_my_mentally_handicap_sister/) got a lot of attention and seeing as you guys seem interested, here's my update.
Well, since that day I made the post i've been staying with my grandfather. The week's been honestly a huge change for me for better and for worse but i'll try to run it down.
I started by telling my grandpa the story of why I broke down the way I did and to be honest, he seemed horrified. No one in my family knew my parents were using me as essentially a free care service for my sister. My grandpa told me some things that I don't feel comfortable repeating here but in essence my sister is "supposed" to be getting care from a professional and that my parents were ignoring that, along with this I was not supposed to be caring for her at all with her mental state as apparently she is a danger to herself and others. With everything else I told him, along with stuff like the movie indecent he was really mad and told me to not contact my parents without him there. He pretty much told me that he would be meeting with my parents beforehand and that he was going to be there when I sat down with them. It didn't end here either, the rest of the week consisted of other family checking in on me and telling me things my parents hid from me. This included the fact that my parents have been taking money from family to fund a "caretaker" that doesn't exist.
Suffice to say, this week has been rough. But, the upside is that even through all this, my extended family has been giving me more love than i've felt in a while. My grandfather spent this last week "making up for the time i've lost." Encouraging me to spend time with friends and do things I want to do. My aunts and uncles have also been helping me through the week.
Well, Saturday night I sat down with parents to talk. It went badly to say the least. They came clean to me about everything. They told me things I will not repeat here. But they did not apologize. My parents still claim that I some how owed my sister my time. My father even saying "You were put here to be her caretaker". I won't lie and say I was composed. After everything i learned I confronted them. On the fact that my sister needed a caretaker. The money my dad was taking from his sister, and a few other things. They denied it or made excuses. And in the end, we ended off in a worse place than before.
Today will be my last time talking to them for a while. After talking with my grandfather and uncle last night, I'm not going back. Later today i'm going there and picking up my stuff and moving in with my grandfather. When I graduate high school i'm planning on leaving the state to go to school. My aunt has told me that the money she was sending my dad will be instead be coming to me from now on. My parents have called me twice since Saturday, neither of them were to apologize and only ask when I was coming home.
I won't be going back to them. Right now I still feel pretty uneasy about everything but I feel like that will pass. The rest of my family is showing their support to me and honestly, it feel great. But in the end I lost my parents. Over all of this, i've learned something that I wished I saw earlier. I don't hat my sister. In fact I love her with all my heart. I should never have never projected my hate onto her. That was wrong, and someday I hope to make up for it. But for now I need to leave.
So, there's my update. Thanks again for the support my original post got. I really appreciate everyone who took the time to comment or show me support. Thanks you.
Edit: Thank you all so much! I wish I could respond to every single one of you but my lunch only lasts so long. I'll update tonight how the move out went but until then, thank you all. I want to say that your support has been amazing and your kindness means more to me than anyone could ever imagine.
Late edit: Wow, I never imagined my story would reach the popularity it did. I know it's kinda cliche and i've said it a thousand times but thank you all.
We just got back from moving my things out of my parents house. Every thing I wanted to take my grandpa and uncle helped move and it's at my grandpa's house now. I have my birth certificate, social security card, and every other document and record I could think of. My parents were quiet the whole time I was there. Shorty after I arrived my dad left with my sister and my mom only hovered over us silently as me moved. It took a while but as we left she broke down and told me she loved me and would miss me. I hugged her and said goodbye, and that was it. Even now I sit here and think if she really meant it. After this whole week of her not saying anything she waited till the end. I hope she meant it. Right now though, I think I just need to look ahead. Maybe one day me and my parents can reconnect. I hope so.
Thank you all for the advice and love. It's been amazing and i'm glad that through this experience I at least got some positive out of this mess. Will I come back? I don't know. If something happens and you guys still want an update i'll maybe come around again. But for now I'm going to move on. For all those out there who shared their stories with me, thank you, and I hope to see you on the other side. See you space cowboy's :) | almostselfrealised | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nqww2h/all_around_this_one_just_breaks_my_heart_aita_for/ | nqww2h | 8,850 | 641 | [
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2021-06-03T05:27:44 | I love it when adults act like adults - I'm [28F] unsure if it's time to draw boundaries with my boyfriend [28M] and his coworker [late 20sF] who he got close to very quickly. /r/relationships | Relationships | **Original:** [**I'm \[28F\] unsure if it's time to draw boundaries with my boyfriend \[28M\] and his coworker \[late 20sF\] who he got close to very quickly**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/9cx874/im_28f_unsure_if_its_time_to_draw_boundaries_with/)**, posted on** /r/relationships
Apologies for the length, I'm going to be very thorough and also a lot has happened in a very short amount of time.
First some background, and the good stuff. I have been best friends with my boyfriend since 2013. We even lived together during graduate school for two years before we started dating. We started dating in 2016, when we were roommates, so we've been together for about 2.5 years now and have lived together for a lot of that time. We did a brief stint of long distance when we got jobs in different locations after school. In January of this year, he moved states to be with me, and I still can't get over how amazing that was of him. We are now living together again in our own apartment and we couldn't be happier. He is my best friend and absolutely the person I plan to spend the rest of my life with. He's smart, funny, an absolute sweetheart and a romantic, and he makes me feel so loved every day. We have talked about our future many times and Im anticipating a proposal in the near future.
Also, he has had many female friends during our time together and this has never bothered me. I'm rarely the jealous type. He's hung out one-on-one with girls before and I had no complaints. There has been one girl I told him I was uncomfortable with, and he stopped hanging out with her, but that was for a lot of reasons and not just because she's a girl.
So on to the recent issue. After moving to my state, he had to pass a couple of tests in our field before he could start working. He did so and was able to secure a job in early June. He likes his new job so far, and generally likes and gets along with his coworkers, but he hadn't really made any real "friends" yet. He's hung out with my coworkers/sort-of friends too (I'm also pretty new to the area) and likes them as well, but no one he would hang out with one-on-one. I know he is missing having a group of friends back in his home state where he moved from.
About a month ago, maybe a little more, he started mentioning one coworker a lot. We'll call her Liz. At first it was just in passing "Oh my coworker Liz said this or that." It also turns out Liz used to work with an organization that works closely with my organization, so she knows a lot of people that I work with and what's going on with my job and field of work. So it was a "small world" kind of thing, she would mention someone I knew, or something about my job, and he would tell her he also knew that person because of me - that kind of thing. But he started talking about her more and more often. I'm talking probably every single day over for a few weeks he would have a story about Liz or something that she said, so I knew they were talking or hanging out at work a lot. He did say that Liz mentioned she wanted to meet me, and she has a fiance that she lives with. So that made me feel good! Nothing to worry about, and I was happy he was making a friend here.
Liz actually lived nearby us, in a temporary place because they were moving around for her fiancé's job. So a couple of weeks ago he tells me that Liz suggested they start carpooling to work together. Their office is about 30 minutes away without traffic - but our city always has traffic, so it's more like 45 minutes each way most days. Honestly this made me a little uncomfortable, since this meant they would be spending 1-1.5 hours alone together in the car every time they rode together. But I didn't say anything because they wouldn't be carpooling every day - some days they work in the office and other days they work on projects around town, so this would only be days when they both go into the office (maybe 2-3 days a week). Besides, he only mentioned it in passing as an idea, at first. A few days later as he was headed out the door he said "okay I'm going to go pick up Liz and head into work." I was surprised because he never told me they decided to definitely start carpooling together, but it obviously wasn't a big deal. He has never mentioned it again so as far as I know that's the only day they've ridden together, it hasn't been an ongoing thing. I was fine with this.
Things started intensifying quickly last week, though. As I mentioned, Liz and her fiancé were in a temporary place before, so they decided to start looking for a permanent apartment. My boyfriend casually mentioned to me one day last week that they were actually interested in our building, and that they wanted to come see it the next day. This came out of left field to me. Our building is very nice, it's a luxury building in a good area downtown, but there are also tons of similar buildings in the area. But I figured they were just checking out all kinds of places and ours was probably one of many on the list. So late last week they came by our building for a tour. I actually saw them briefly on the elevator and we met for the first time, but they were being given a tour by management so we didn't hang out.
Well, later that night, Liz texted my boyfriend that they decided to rent in our building. I honestly didn't know what to say because... I wasn't thrilled. I felt like now they will definitely want to start carpooling together every day they can, and they will start becoming even closer. My boyfriend was obviously very happy about it when he told me. I just kind of asked if they were looking at any other places and why they weren't looking any closer to where she and my boyfriend work, and he said they just really liked this building and her fiancé works more closely to our area so it works for them to live here. Obviously there was nothing I could say so I just said cool.
Ever since then I feel like they have already been talking more and more. They text and have called each other a couple of times. To be fair, as far as I know it has all been either work or apartment-related. But I also don't really see his phone and have no idea how much they actually talk.
A couple of final things prompted me to write this post. Up until now I wasn't thrilled about all of this but could deal with it. This weekend we traveled to visit my family for the holiday weekend. Yesterday during a family lunch, he got up and went into the other room with his phone for a few minutes. When he came back I asked "where'd you go?" and he just said "I was getting a phone call." Later, I asked who was calling him at lunch. He said it was Liz with a few questions because they were moving in at the time. This slightly bothered me because I feel like if I hadn't asked, he wasn't planning to tell me it was Liz who called.
He went back to our city last night while I am staying in my hometown with my family for a couple of extra days. While driving him to the airport, I got a random thought so I asked "you're just going to take an Uber back home, right?" (that's how we got to the airport.) He kind of hesitated and then said "I was actually going to see if maybe Liz could pick me up, so I don't have to spend money on an Uber." Yet again, I felt like he never would have mentioned this to me if I hadn't asked. Also, we live close to the airport so an Uber is not expensive, and he makes good money. I reminded him that Liz and her fiancé were moving that day and probably did not want to come pick him up at the airport (I would have said this for anyone, moving sucks), and he thought about it and agreed. He didn't end up asking her.
I don't know what to do from here. On one hand, I am genuinely glad he's making a friend. There are no red flags so far, things seem 100% platonic. Plus, she has a fiancé, so we could all be couple friends! On the other hand, he seems to be getting really close to her really quickly. He talks about her constantly (a lot more than I explained in this post), they are probably going to be riding together often, and I feel like he is starting to (unconsciously or not) kind of hide some interactions with her from me.
Is it time to set boundaries? If so, what would reasonable boundaries even be? Is carpooling together too much? Is it oaky for them to hang out alone together outside of work? I have no idea and I've never been in this situation before. I don't know how to talk to him about this. I just feel like we need to have a talk now that she is living in our building, but maybe I should wait and see if things escalate?
**TL;DR:** My boyfriend has become fast friends with a female coworker. She and her fiancé are now moving into our apartment building, and my boyfriend is seeing and talking to her more and more. I don't know if it's time to set boundaries or if I'm getting ahead of myself.
**Update:** [**\[UPDATE\] I'm \[28F\] unsure if it's time to draw boundaries with my boyfriend \[28M\] and his coworker \[late 20sF\] who he got close to very quickly**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/a72pyo/update_im_28f_unsure_if_its_time_to_draw/)
TLDR of original: My boyfriend has become fast friends with a female coworker. She and her fiancé are now moving into our apartment building, and my boyfriend is seeing and talking to her more and more. I don't know if it's time to set boundaries or if I'm getting ahead of myself.
A lot has happened since my last post, and I got some good advice there, so I wanted to post an update!
After I made the last post I came home from the trip with my family a couple of days later. I told my boyfriend that I wanted to talk to him about something and I brought up his friendship with Liz. I basically brought up all of my concerns from the post. I told him that I didn't want to discourage him from having a friend, but I also felt like they were talking quite a lot and spending a lot of time together, and that it was starting to make me feel uncomfortable.
My boyfriend took it really well! He immediately reassured me that he only saw her as a friend, and that he hadn't even realized how it could look to me. When I brought up how I felt like he wasn't being forthcoming with information (like how he didn't mention the phone call from her), he said that was 100% unintentional. He then immediately asked what he could do going forward to make me feel more comfortable. He offered to stop carpooling with her and to cut down on contact with her except for work-related stuff. I told him I didn't have a problem with the carpooling because financially it does make sense (he spends a lot of money on gas), but maybe he could try to text and call her outside of work a little bit less. I also told him I would really love to meet her and her fiance, and he enthusiastically agreed.
He set up a hang out for the following weekend - the two of us and Liz and her fiance all went out for drinks at a bar by our building (they'e moved in by now). It was actually really fun! It turns out we all have a ton in common. Liz and I do very similar work, and we all have common nerdy interests. It was a little awkward at first as meeting new people often is, but once we all got comfortable we had a blast. From there, we have all become fast friends, and Liz and I have developed our own separate friendship too. We text often, go over to each other's places for dinner sometimes, and hang out on weekends. I can honestly say I really like Liz (and her fiance) as a person and trust her 100%. I no longer have a problem with her friendship with my boyfriend at all. They do still carpool sometimes, but they've never hung out alone outside of work - it's always the four of us. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Finally, I have a separate - but slightly related - update: my boyfriend is now my FIANCE! Less than a month after I made my last post, he took me out for a really beautiful and romantic dinner. When we came home, our apartment was covered in roses and candles. I was so shocked I could barely move as he got down on one knee and proposed. I said YES and then cried for about two hours as we called all of our friends and family. It was absolutely perfect and we are getting married next year!
It turns out that Liz actually helped him plan the proposal and that was part of why they were talking a lot too! Since she lives in our building now, he had all of the flowers, candles, champagne, and accessories shipped to her and kept at her place until he was ready for them. He even had her hold onto the ring the week before he did it. After he proposed she came upstairs and took photos for us and cried with us. That was the moment I realized what a great friend she is to both of us.
So communication saves the day again! We're all great friends now, and Liz and I have regular girls nights to plan our weddings together :)
TL;DR: I talked to my boyfriend and he introduced me to Liz and her fiance right away. We're all great friends now and I'm no longer uncomfortable - but I am engaged!
EDIT: Wow, wow, wow!!!! I know this is stereotypical, but I never expected my post to blow up like this. I started reading the comments last night and planned to reply to some but then I got busy, and then this just got out of control! So let me just say here, thank you all SO MUCH for the support, advice, and well-wishes! You guys rule 😭 And thank you for the platinum, gold, and silver?! I’ve never gotten any of that before and now I’m a little sad that this is a throwaway and not my main, haha. I’ll pay it forward and gild someone today :) | almostselfrealised | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nr5sas/i_love_it_when_adults_act_like_adults_im_28f/ | nr5sas | 13,629 | 633 | [
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2021-06-03T10:17:07 | OP Mooches Off His Sister But Thinks SHE Is The Entitled One | AITA | [Original Post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j54w8x/aita_for_telling_my_entitled_sister_im_not_paying/)
AITA for telling my entitled sister I’m not paying rent?
My sister (Erin) has always been the favorite in my family. For some reason my maternal grandparents and my two childless aunts have favored her.
In late high school Erin began having some mental issues. Freshman year college came and she had a complete mental breakdown eventually being diagnosed with schizoaffective. She lost her scholarship and was devastated but my family all pitched in to send her to university and she graduated a year late.
Due to my aunts and her church friend Erin got a good job and a two-bedroom apartment. She offered to let me live with her and we made a deal that if I'm in school I don't need to pay rent.
Here is where the issue is. I’ve been in CC for four years now and don’t have a certificate or an associate’s yet but that is due to the fact that I haven’t found anything that I want to pursue yet. I get tired of it and am not motivated due to the fact that I deal with depression and anxiety.
When COVID hit all my classes went online so my grades tanked and I failed all my spring classes. Erin also started working from home so we’ve seen each other a lot. Erin took it upon herself to try to drag me out of bed even though I couldn’t muster the energy to get out of bed due to my depression. She would continually pester me about trying to find a therapist online even though she knows that therapy doesn’t work for me. She even tried to get me to see a therapist friend of hers that wouldn’t charge me for the first three sessions. I told her it was nice of her but no. She also tried to get me to see a psychiatrist to get me medications but she knows that when I first tried medications it made me feel awful. She’s kept pestering me about these things and I yelled at her to stay out of my life.
The next day she told me that she got me a job at one of her friend’s business. I told her we made a deal and that I’m still in school. She got upset and said that I’m never going to graduate and that I can’t freeload anymore and that I need to stop being so helpless because she’s learned how to manage her mental illness.
I will admit this is where I might be TA. I told her that just because she has schizoaffective doesn’t mean shit. I blew up at her saying that her depressive episodes aren’t as severe as mine and that she doesn’t have crippling anxiety so she can’t understand how I feel. I told her that nothing has gone wrong in her life since she still has the family but that I’m totally alone. I don’t have anyone to talk to. Erin is the only person I ever speak to. To sum up, I told her she was an entitled brat who didn’t know what the real world is like and that it isn’t as easy as she makes it. I finally said that I’m never going to pay rent until I get my degree.
I made her cry and she left. Seeing her cry made me think that I may have been too blunt but at the same time I just gave her a reality check. But I’m feeling kind of conflicted.
So reddit, AITA?
[Update ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kbeqjd/update_aita_for_telling_my_entitled_sister_im_not/)
So it’s been over two months since that falling out with my sister and I have some news. The consensus was that I was TA, a major one.
I mulled over what y’all were telling me for a few hours and eventually realized that Erin was doing for me what everyone else had done for her. So I called her to apologize but it went to voice mail so I just made a quick apology and asked her to call me back.
The next day her best friend Liam came over and told me to pack a couple bags and that I was going to stay at his house because Erin needed space to consider what to do with me but didn’t want me in a hotel where I could catch COVID.
Let me just say that I disdain Liam because he’s an arrogant prick but he’s always been kind to Erin. While I was at his apartment he basically grilled me for all the same things you guys did and said that Erin should just kick me to the street to fend for myself because I’m only dragging her down. Everything he said was hurtful but it was honest. I still dislike him but I'm grateful for what he said because I know that he’s the one Erin vented to the most so he probably knew most everything.
Erin eventually tells me to come home because we need to talk. I thought that all my stuff would be outside but it wasn’t. I tried to apologize to her but she sat me down and told me how much I’ve been hurting her and that she hates that she feels bad because she’s done everything she could for me but I’m not trying or appreciating her. She told me that I have to agree to all her terms or I could leave the house in a week. Her terms were to accept the job and go to the therapist she found me. I could stay in school and stay rent free but I had to do these things.
I agreed because that was what I had already planned to do and then I started my job the next week. It’s an easy enough job, I don’t like it and no one really makes an effort to talk to me which is good depending on the day. I’m sticking with my therapist for now since all the others in the area are booked. He’s nice enough and Erin is paying for all my sessions. I'm not a big fan of him but he’s definitely better than the one from high school. I do have an appointment with a psychiatrist next month so there’s that.
I still feel like shit and I dropped all my classes for this semester and am taking a break from school next semester. Erin’s been supportive and even stayed with me for Thanksgiving which I thought was dumb since she had already bought her plane ticket home but I was grateful. It is nice not having to rely on her for everything and having some money myself.
All this to say that I still live with Erin and were getting along well. I love her with everything in me, the best sister ever. I’m still miserable in a lot of aspects and Erin has to force me to do a lot of things but I’m glad I have her here to motivate me. Hopefully I can make her proud. That’s all I have to say. | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nra0ht/op_mooches_off_his_sister_but_thinks_she_is_the/ | nra0ht | 6,159 | 343 | [
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2021-06-03T16:35:40 | Wife {f40} and I [m42] have had a huge fight over my health and activity level both with the family and health wise, don't know how to begin repairing my relationship. + UPDATE | Relationships | [ORIGINAL](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/am4tjl/wife_f40_and_i_m42_have_had_a_huge_fight_over_my/) by u/Robertm1976
First time on reddit ever!
My wife has been concerned with my sudden weight loss since I decided to cut out sugar. I did not consult her before I quit, she challenged me that sugar is an addiction and I wanted to prove to her it was not so I quit 90% of my sugar intake a day, and the results were drastic! (and a little frightening) I know she posted here about all her issues about it. I know I have let things go with my health pretty much since day one, I lost tons of weight after quitting eating sugar. I went from 172 to ~130 now I am back up to ~145 or so I am 5'10. We have been together for 25 years this September.
I have agreed to find a Dr to go see, (something I have not done since I got my vaccinations as a kid) and she also feels like I need to go see a therapist about depression related to my diet (I don't believe in therapists its just psychobabble about how my parents did x y or z and that is what messed me up) And she wants me to start going to the gym which I hate the idea of, I have never been able to build muscle and don't see a reason why I should have to if I don't want to look like a muscle bound jerk.
Its going to be a hard path I think, as this is a whole new way of living my life and I am not really sure how to go about things. I am getting sick of her chasing me to eat like every hour, asking what I ate all day on and on.
The thing is I don't really know where to start to repair things in my relationship with her. I know I have messed things up pretty extremely being as bull headed as I have been. I get angry and she gets more angry and now we are not really talking anymore. It has been hard on both of us. I am kind of loss right now I guess.
I know she wants me to choose or plan things for the family to do (she has been on about this for a while now, since before the sudden health change I guess) but the thing is I don't really care, not because I "don't care" but because I am happy to take them to do what they are happy to do, or where they are happy to eat.
I am really embarrassed to have posted this, but I am at a total loss now, and feel like I am a boat on a river with out knowing how to steer it. Or even which direction it is going.
**TL;DR;** : Changed my life messed up my marriage.
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/apjgbi/update_i_m42_went_to_see_a_medical_dr_and_a/)
After our really awful blow out nuclear fight, I begrudgingly agreed to do the things that I should have been doing and my wife has asked me to do time and again. Last week was a whirlwind of needles and people looking at me and poking me.
I went a saw a doctor for a checkup. The Dr was concerned with my rapid weight loss, but also set our minds at ease, noting that for me to never have reached 180lbs with the amount of sugar I was eating showed I have an extremely high metabolism, and since I had never dropped to a weight below what is considered healthy for my height, and had started gaining weight back again, that most likely I had lost all of my “sugar fat”. I was given about half a dozen shots to bring my immunizations up to date, and they snuck a flu shot in there too (something I really didn’t want). I have gone in for blood work, and the results are due back this week. The Dr wanted me to start a daily vitamin regimen and oil. They also said that since I had only really eaten a single meal in a day since I was a teen, my body does not look for food at any other times. I will need to build my appetite at other (regular) times of day by trying to eat something at regular meal times (breakfast and Lunch), even if it’s just a handful of nuts, or a granola bar, working to eating 3 balanced meals a day. I have been struggling with this, and forget. I really don’t enjoy food and don’t like to eat.
I also got in to see 2 different therapists. The first was offered through our local university for free. I figured it would be a good start and since it was free I had nothing to really loose. I think my whole situation really baffled her, she really did not seem to know what to think and just continued to ask questions about why, and how was I making my wife feel through all this. I agreed that my flat refusal to do even the smallest things to care for myself was hurting my wife deeply and I had severely damaged my relationship with her. The second Therapist was much more through, and spent almost 2 hours with us in the initial visit. She focused on the “I’ll show you” attitude I had when I quit sugar, and I admitted I quit to prove it could be done, and it had nothing to do with the fact that getting 1500 calories from Dr Pepper a day was unhealthy. She was very concerned with my lack of taking my health seriously, and lack of self-care. My eating habits were also discussed and she has referred me to a nutritionist who specializes in eating disorders. She also briefly touched on my lack of input on family activities, and asked why if I don’t care what we watch on TV, where we go to dinner, or what we do as activities, why can’t I just choose anything at all, even just to make my wife happy, I really had no answer for this and still don’t. She explained that it’s unfair to not care what we do and that I robbing my family of 50% of its leadership by not participating. She was not really concerned that I may be suffering from depression and said it may be temporary due to my sudden dietary change and all that came along with it. (I.E. the fights with the wife, ect) and that she would wait for my blood tests and medical results to come back before perusing that avenue any farther. She gave me a homework assignment to choose something to do this weekend for my birthday with the whole family and that I have to plan everything. That really kind of sucks because well I had planned on just staying home, and I hate being put on the spot like that. My wife admitted that she has lost lots of respect for me in this whole thing because of my childish reaction to her very basic and real concerns about my health and mental wellbeing. She also said that since I had lost so much weight she had lost sexual attraction for me, the therapist pointed out that my wife wants to be attracted to me and would not push for me going to the gym and to exercise to try to make me something I am not, she wants me to be fit and healthy, which affects her attraction to me. To say the least it was a hard pill to swallow going to talk to someone like that. I really did not like it at all.
Finally I saw a trainer friend of my wife at his gym. That was the most humiliating of all the poking and prodding I have been through. It was like a physical test. He said he did not want to push me much knowing I had not even done PE in high school and simply wanted to get some baselines. (I sat out pe with an Ilizarov cage on my left leg due to a motorcycle accident) I went through a variety of athletic tests and found out basically that I am a weak man physically and have very little if any stamina for any physical stuff. I could barely run for more than a min or 2 without having to stop and catch my breath, and the amount of weight I could lift was well embarrassing to be honest. I could do a few pushups, a few situps, zero pullups or chin-ups. He wanted me to start eating more (seems like a pattern everyone is trying to feed me) and said since I have not done anything really with my body that I could, with hard work and effort, shape my body into an “immaculate masculine specimen” in little or no time. His diet plan was very much about eating proteins, healthy crap, and supplements. He said with hard work on my body I would get hungry and start eating again, and that it was really shameful I had never cared about my physical well-being. I told him about my opinion of “body building” and he explained to me that I did not need to become a body builder, that with my thin build, and lack of much body fat, I would probably tone up and gain lots of definition with very little work, and that if I put on 20lbs of lean muscle I would look like a million dollars, and that I don’t have to bulk up like hulk to look good and be much healthier. He gave me a plan for 5 days a week exercise, 3 lifting, 2 cardio work, along with a month free at his gym. I really don’t know about that part of this, I have always hated to do much physical activity, but it was really shameful to see where I am really at physically, and I do need to work on that.
It’s been a really long hard few months since this all started and I really hoped that it would all just go away, but the wife put her foot down and forced me into all this. I now agree that refusing to do it was a huge strain on the family and I put my wife in the situation where she was not sure if she was watching me die in front of her eyes, and the levels of stress I caused her by not simply agreeing to go see a Dr were for the most part a marriage breaker. I know I need to plan things to do, even if I really don’t care what we do or want to do anything myself, just sitting at home is not good for a relationship or my children. I also acknowledge that I have done a lot of damage to our 25 year marriage, and that may never be fixed, but I agreed to give it a shot, to save the family that I have built and be here for them.
Oh and I went and figured out I need glasses as well… Sucks getting older.
:::EDIT 2-13-2019:::
I really see all the venom and hostility in my post here. I also acknowledge that if I let this negative attitude continue I will never make any meaningful change. I need to not only be very very thankful I get the chance to repair my marriage, but in being thankful that I have a woman who has carried the weight for me that I should have been for many many years, I am REALLY excited to take that weight from her, as I always should have been.
**TL;DR;** : Changed my life messed up my marriage, now I am trying to repair it.
[ONE YEAR LATER](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/edbofo/comment/fblxrmx)
About a year ago I quit eating sugar to spite my wife and prove her wrong that sugar is addicting. I posted it here in r/relationships, thinking that if you ask strangers on the internet you will probably get the answer you want to hear. I was refusing to go to the Dr or so see therapy about the way I was acting. I was given a great big does of "your an asshole" from the hive mind, and I really started to question the way I was treating the whole issue and approaching my relationship with my wife. I did (bitterly) agree to go see a Dr once she said if I did not she was going to leave me. I (again) was given a great big does of "your and asshole and an idiot" from the Dr I saw.
Fast forward 10 months or so, and now things are really different, I see that I was bitter, angry, hateful to my wife and family, I ignored them for the most part and all their concerns about me and my health. I really suffer from learned toxic masculinity and refused for so long to see how hurtful it was to the people who for some reason care for me still.
I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but I do know, that had I gone on acting and feeling the way I did then that I would either be alone with no family, or dead. I have to thank Reddit for saving what little life I had and pointing out why I should care.
My plans, we are going to some weird place called Meow Wolf, its some art thing they have had in Santa Fe for a few years and my wife always wanted to go so that is what we are doing.
Merry Christmas Reddit. | red_earaches | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nrhpyk/wife_f40_and_i_m42_have_had_a_huge_fight_over_my/ | nrhpyk | 11,690 | 537 | [
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2021-06-03T20:40:40 | Part 1 of 2. An absolute EPIC, entitled a'hole gets what's coming - "Do you know who I am" and "you're fired" until they realised their terrible mistake. /r/idontworkherelady. | IDon'tWorkHereLady | *Hopefully the mods will forgive a two-parter, this one is just that long. This is one of my favourite tales on reddit, I'm surprised it hasn't been posted here yet, however, WARNING,* >!it has an unexpected, and unfortunately, sad ending.!<
*Part 2* [*here*](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nrnhuo/part_2_of_2_an_absolute_epic_entitled_ahole_gets/)*.*
***Original:*** [***"Do you know who I am" and "you're fired" until they realised their terrible mistake.***](https://www.reddit.com/r/IDontWorkHereLady/comments/dlfr3e/do_you_know_who_i_am_and_youre_fired_until_they/) ***Posted in*** /r/idontworkherelady
Firstly this didn't happen to me. I was with the person when they received a phone call about this issue. Then he explained it all to me. He's not on Reddit so I'm sharing it. It's priceless.
All names changed to protect personal and company identities
Listed buildings - Important to the story. In the UK there is a system for preserving ancient and important buildings. If a building has historical importance it is known as a "Listed building" and the rules about how it's developed/maintained/improved are VERY strict.
I need to be vague about the work involved otherwise it's too easy to identify the parties involved.
My friend David is skilled in a very niche area of construction. He repairs and renovates buildings using a very old construction method that hasn't been common for several centuries. All his work is on conservation projects and "listed buildings".
Work was required on a Grade 1 listed property.
The overall building work was being done my the main contractor ACC Ltd. One part of the work is VERY specialized.
The contractors managers didn't know anyone who did it so the architect gave them a list of qualified people. The contractors chose my friend because he had the earliest availability.
5 days into the work the owner of ACC Ltd, the main contractor company, arrived on site. He was throwing his weight around and being a "noisy gobshite" (David's words). David was just doing his job and ignored him.
Noisy gobshite told one of his carpenters to get him a coffee. The carpenter disappeared. Noisy gobshite continued wandering and "gobbing off" about delays "costing him a fortune".
15 minutes after the carpenter had disappeared the Noisy Gobshite asked my friend a question.
Noisy Gobshite : "Where is that fucking chippy with my coffee?" (Chippy=carpenter)
David: "Don't know"
Noisy Gobshite: "Go and find out"
David: "I'm only here for this job (pointing to the walls) I don't work for ACC Ltd"
Noisy Gobshite: "I don't give fuck whether you're an employee or a subcontractor, you still work for me. Now go and find my fucking coffee"
David: "Firstly, I don't appreciate being talked to like that and secondly, my contract with you is to do these walls, nothing more. I'm definitely not a gopher"
Noisy Gobshite : "Oh, you don't appreciate being talked to like that, do you? Which subcontractor do you work for?"
David: "None. I'm self employed. It's just me"
Noisy Gobshite : "A fucking day labourer? And you've got the nerve to talk to like that? Do you know who I am?"
David: "Yep"
Noisy Gobshite : "Well you're fucking fired. Get off the fucking site NOW!"
David: "Ok, put it in writing"
Noisy Gobshite : "Fuck off. Just get off the fucking site"
David pulled his phone out and started recording.
David: "Ok, I'll go. I just want proof you told me to go"
Noisy Gobshite grabbed David's hand holding the phone and screamed into the phone
Noisy Gobshite : "GET OFF THE SITE YOU FUCKING IDIOT. YOU'RE FIRED. IF YOU'RE STILL HERE IN 10 FUCKING MINUTES I'LL HAVE YOU FUCKING THROWN OUT"
David: "Cool, no problem"
He picked up all his kit and walked away. As he was leaving the contractors site manager passed him (ironically with a coffee for the boss) and with a smile said.
Site Manager: "You leaving early Dave? Bloody part-timers(joking)"
David: "No, your boss just fired me. Our contract is ended. Sorry mate"
Site Manager: "Noooo. Noo, no. Let me sort this out. Wait, please. Please,wait."
David left.
The Site Manager was losing his shit because he knew something that Noisy Gobshite didn't. Only 7 people in the UK are qualified to do the work. They all have a waiting list and David had been the only one available.
By the time he was home he had 12 missed calls.
That was Thursday. 2 working days missed so far. He said he'll go back but only if he gets paid for the extra days and has a genuine apology in person from the boss.
I met my friend when he was getting a call from the Site Manager saying the boss apologises but is "out of the country" so can't apologise f2f.
David also told me he phoned the other specialists to warn them but they'd all been phoned on Friday begging them to do the job. Nobody took the work. They're all booked solid.
David also phoned the architect to warn him. Situations like this some unscrupulous contractors try to bodge the job and fake the work.
David is going to stick to his guns. Pay for all missed days plus f2f apology. He is sure he'll get it. I've said I'll pay ***anything*** to watch the f2f apology
**Update** Site Manager phoned to say he was told by Noisy Gobshite to threaten legal action if David doesn't finish the job. Site Manager was very embarrassed and apologetic. David reminded him he didn't leave and has proof that he was fired.
Site Manager phoned again to say Noisy Gobshite will apologise f2f on Friday. Can David start tomorrow? David said no. Following the threat of legal action the conditions are different.
1. f2f apology before work restarts.
2. Added pay for wasted days.
3. Payment of full contract value upfront before work starts.
4. All must happen by Thursday.That's the last day he can start and still expect to finish before his next booking. If he also works the weekends he has just enough time.
I asked him why he isn't charging a huge extra amount for the guy being such a wanker. He said it doesn't look good if you take advantage of companies when they're under time pressure. "Not the done thing".It seems that one of my friends is an eighteenth century gentleman.
**Correction**
I misunderstood David when he said only seven others do this work. He meant seven other businesses apart from his. They're small businesses so he says it's probably about 20 people who can do it. Still a small number but not as comically small as seven. Sorry for misleading you all about the number.
**Update Two**
Unfortunately it seems there will be no apology. David has discovered that the Site Manager was blamed for "not making Noisy Gobshite aware of the situation beforehand" and was fired.
David contacted the operations director for ACC Ltd (Noisy Gobshite's number two) and informed them that an apology is no longer required as he will not be returning to the job. The Ops Director apologised for everything and offered to renegotiate the money "very generously". David told him that he had only considered going back to the job as a personal favour to the original Site Manager. Since he isn't there he feels no obligation to return. Ops Director said he will get back to David but didn't say why.
I asked why he didn't say "give him his job back or I won't come back". David said "Noisy Gobshite is too petty and weak to be told what to do by a craftsman. It will have to be the company's idea for the Site Manager to come back. If I *tell* them to bring him back it won't happen". David says the Site Manager is great at his job but is only 4 years from retirement so it's not easy to find a job at 61.
I've decided I like David even more than I did 3 days ago.
**Update Three**
It's 2am here. We've just got back from the pub. David got a call while we were out from the sacked Site Manager. David updated the Architect on the situation this afternoon. The Architect contacted the sacked Site Manager to tell him about a company who need a Site Manager.
The sacked Site Manager phoned David just before 9pm. I had to sit through the phone call, only hearing one side. I must have looked childishly excited like I'd got an arseful of sparrows. Then David filled me in. The site manager rang to thank him and to find out his favourite drink so he can send him a bottle. He hasn't got the new job yet but he is seeing them on Friday. Apparently, the Architect's recommendation carries some weight so he's optimistic.
David refused at first. "I didn't get you a job, the Architect did". The site manager said "but you set all this shit in motion and told the Architect that I'd been fired. Because of you, I never need to deal with that obnoxious pillock ever again". David wasn't specific about who the obnoxious pillock was. We'll have to guess.
David said his drink is Cardhu Gold Reserve. He said he will accept a bottle only if (a) the Site Manager gets the new job and (b) if the Site Manager will come over and drink the Cardhu with David.
It looks like the handsome scribe who did the enormously difficult time-consuming job of skilfully writing this saga down on Reddit isn't included in the whisky consumption. As David poetically put it: "piss off knobhead, you can buy your own fucking drink".
All good news (hopefully) except that nobody gets to see that tosspot, Noisy Gobshite, eat shit when he has to apologise. I was so looking forward to that.
**Additional information**David and the fired Site Manager know each other outside of work. Each are members of charity organisations in the same town. Two different groups but they work together a lot. Site Manager is in "Rotary Club" and David is in "Round Table". I don't think he's a knight but you never know.
**Update four**
Operations Director for ACC Ltd phoned David to suggest that they take the Site Manager back and generously renegotiate the money. David says they've "missed the boat". There is no way he can finish the job on his own before he starts his next job. There is an absolute minimum of 11 days work left *if* everything goes without a hitch. David's next job starts 4th November. Only 10 days left if he works both weekends. Too late. I wish I could be a fly on the wall when Noisy Gobshite is told.
**The Most Common Question**
Many are asking what David does. If I said what it was it's so identifying that I might as well give you his real name and his address. Sorry.
The reason there are very few of them is it takes 5 years to become just competent and *at least* 9 years to be a master craftsman. The jobs need at least one master present when the work is done.
**Update five** Bad news. The fired Site Manager didn't get the other job. He met the new company but they're not taking him on. The reasons aren't clear. David is meeting him on Sunday to discuss it. I can tell David feels like shit about it even though it's not his fault. Site Manager says he's going to take action for unfair dismissal. I thought this was going to be win-win-win but I suppose life isn't like that.
**Update six** News about the sacked Site Manager. The situation isn't as bad as we first thought. I think we misunderstood what happened on Friday. David talked to him yesterday. The company he saw on Friday are not employing him in the normal way, that part was correct. But they have offered him a fixed term contract for 18 months on a distribution centre build. It's not perfect but on the bright side it's slightly better paid than ACC. It's only 18 months but that's better than nothing. There is also the chance that the new company might extend the contract if another project comes in.
**Update seven** (seven?seriously?)
David has heard that they're getting a Bulgarian to come over to do the job. David was grinning when he told me. He thinks he knows what will happen. There is a similar but different technique that was used on some 19th century buildings in Sofia. David thinks that the guy will use that technique. It looks similar but two very important materials are different.
David has decided to wait. He plans to let the Bulgarian finish the job and get paid. Then David is going to suggest to the planning department and the client that they check the two components. Unless the Bulgarian knows the 17th century English method he will have used the wrong materials. It would mean ripping it out and starting again. They are *incredibly* strict with this type of work. I shouldn't want this so much but I really hope this happens. I'm a petty man.
**Further information**
Many people are asking when will David know if the Bulgarian has done the job right.David might know fairly soon since there are very few suppliers of one of the materials. If the Bulgarian contacts them David will be told. David's words "It's a tiny incestuous part of the industry and they gossip like old women. Correction, WE all gossip like old women"
If he doesn't go there David is leaving it alone until he is told that the work is finished and the Bulgarian is paid. He doesn't want to put the guy's money at risk. In David's words "I don't want the Bulgarian to drag his arse over here and go home empty-handed just because I can't wait to drop silly bollocks in the shit. The man's got a living to earn. I'll wait."
Just in case of confusion "Silly bollocks" is the same person as "Noisy Gobshite"
It should take the Bulgarian about 3 weeks to finish the job unless he works weekends. David knows plenty of people on site and a few at ACC head office so he'll know when the job is finished.
So I've got to sit on my hands for 3-4 weeks and pretend I'm NOT an excited 7 year-old girl pissing her pants about Christmas coming.
**Update eight**
David has been told that the Bulgarian got straight to it and started work. He's had materials delivered but from an ordinary building supplier. The stuff he needs to do the job properly is too bulky for him to bring with him even if they sell it in Bulgaria.
He hasn't ordered it from the UK supplier. There are 3 but only one has enough for this job because they got it in for David. So, unless it is coming by road and ferry he is not using the right materials.
David wouldn't allow it to go unreported even if he wasn't annoyed about Noisy Gobshite. He's got a genuine passion for looking after all these buildings he works on and he is a purist when it comes to historical accuracy.
So now I have to hold my water for 3-4 weeks. David says that if he's using more modern materials he might finish sooner. 3 weeks is the time it takes if you stay in the 17th century.
I've turned into a bit of a weirdo about this job. When I phoned David earlier on a pretext he realised I was after info again.
David: "Fuck me! Do you want me to fit a bodycam so you can see and hear everything as it happens?"Me:"if it's not too much trouble and you can link me into your phone calls. That'd be nice"David after laughing : "You fucking knobcheese. Is it ok if I cover the lens when I'm shitting and shagging my wife?"Me: "Personally, I don't do those two things at the same time but whatever floats your boat"David : "You're telling me you do them separately? When are you shagging my wife?"Me: "Right after she's cleaned all the shit off the sheets from doing you. Some of us are fussy"David "Piss off. You're an uptight clean freak" Hangs up.
No goodbye No see you soon. English manners aren't what they used to be.
I know it doesn't look like it but, honestly, I do have a life. I promise.
**TLDR:** Owner of contracting firm fires subcontractor without realising nobody else can do the essential work. Lots of shit ensues.
***Update #1:*** [***Update: "Do you know who I am" backfires on business owner***](https://www.reddit.com/r/IDontWorkHereLady/comments/e0ik4w/update_do_you_know_who_i_am_backfires_on_business/)
When I first started writing this I would never have believed I was going to type.......
**Update Nine**
Lots of news.
The Bulgarian finished the job and went home two weeks ago. According to the people who met him Stefan (the Bulgarian) was a good guy and a very hard worker. He did 12 hour days and weekends so he could cut the cost of staying in the UK.
Based on what he learned about Stefan, David is happy that he waited until Stefan got paid before he reported the work.
David was already fairly sure that Stefan was not doing the job correctly. He had checked the three firms who are the only UK suppliers of the most obscure material involved in the job and none said they'd had an order for the site. Of course, it was possible that Stefan imported it but nobody on site had seen an overseas material order.
So, as planned, David contacted the local authority planning department, the client and the architect and an organisation called Historic England. He explained his concerns and the easiest, least intrusive way of testing.
Then he waited for them to look into it. It only took a couple of days but I can honestly say that I've never been so anxious or felt so invested in something that is "none of my pissing business".
First report came from the architect. WRONG METHOD USED! Wrong method using the wrong materials. He'd used a 19th century Bulgarian technique not the 17th century English that is demanded. The Architect was enormously pissed off. David said he's never heard the Architect use bad language before, but this phone call was blue. Apparently "Noisy Gobshite" is called "that ignorant fucking cockwomble" by the architect. David asked me what a "cockwomble" is. I had no idea. Suggestions welcome.
The architect said he was going to contact the local authority because he doesn't want them to think this is anything to do with him.
Most of the rest came to David second or third hand. He knows some of the staff from ACC. I asked if it was difficult to get them to tell him anything. He said they can't pick the phone up fast enough.
The local authority planning officers visited the site and inspected the work. They told the contractor that the work was entirely wrong and must be cleared and done properly.
Then it got interesting.
The inspectors had a look around the site. They found an "issue". I can't be specific about this because it would be too easy to identify the buildings involved.
The contractor has destroyed part of the building.
There was an internal feature that didn't look particularly important but is part of the roof structure. They removed it and put in a much better modern support. But they are not allowed to. Neither the project manager or the new site manager or staff knew the importance.
Guess who ordered it to be replaced (cheap quick option) instead of repaired (slow expensive option). Of course, it was Noisy Gobshite.
It's a **criminal offence** to destroy anything on this type of property. Jail time type of crime. Even if they don't go to jail it's a massive fine.
So now everybody in that company is pointing fingers at each other and claiming no responsibility. Noisy Gobshite has claimed that he did not give the order to take out the internal parts of the roof structure. The project manage has email evidence he did.
On Tuesday 19th the client ordered all of the contractors staff off the site. They're having everything examined. It's almost certain they're firing the contractor. They've issued instructions for bids from new contractors. They'll also sue the contractor for the cost of repairing and replacing everything they've done wrong. The architects estimate was £800k.
The local authority planning department wrote to the contractor outlining what they've done wrong and advising them of their plans to inspect and the possibility of prosecution.
According to the staff Noisy Gobshite disappeared to the lawyers on the day the letter arrived. David had three different people from ACC phone him within an hour when the news of the letter circulated around the staff.
So now we're waiting for a few things.
1. Client's inspection. If that confirms that ACC have damaged the site then the client has the right to fire the contractor. ACC doesn't get paid *and* they have a massive repair bill.
2. Local authority inspection by conservation experts. If they've destroyed features in the property the local authority will prosecute ACC as a company and the person who ordered it.
David is very unhappy because the internal structure that has been destroyed can't be replaced. In his words "That wood has been sitting there doing it's job for 400 years until that fucking jizz stain comes into the picture. Then it's gone and that's it, never again" He seems genuinely sad.
I'm betting that Noisy Gobshite is wishing he'd got his own coffee on that day last month.
**Correction and Apology**
The letter to ACC (not their real name) DID NOT threaten to prosecute. It only made them aware of the planning department's intention to send a specialist to inspect the building and in particular the area affected by the change.
Apparently, prosecution, if it happens, takes forever.
My sincere apologies for misleading you all. Like everyone else I was too keen to pick up my pitchfork and believe the worst. A combination of wishful thinking and Chinese whispers meant that by the time the story got to David it was much more serious and advanced.
Noisy Gobshite might actually be prosecuted but if it happens it's more likely to be six months than six days.
That's the second correction since I started. I promise to try to be a bit more conscientious on future updates.
My fault not David's. David warned me. "Everything that goes in your ears doesn't have to spill straight out of your mouth. You're too keen to feed the masses. They might think you're farting rainbows right now but that won't last if you make a bollocks of the info." He's right. As usual. As fucking usual. As annoyingly fucking usual.
**Requested information**
A few people have asked what happened to the original Site Manager who was fired but I couldn't answer until tonight. We (me, David, Site Manager and two others) met in the pub.
He definitely has the new job (subject to fidelity insurance checks which he'll pass) He starts on 9th February.
He got paid off "in lieu of notice" by ACC. It's standard practice for firing. His contract gave 3 months notice and he was owed 12 holiday/vacation days so they paid him just over 3.5 months pay in one lump. He also gets to keep the car until March.
He said "When he fired me I was shaking like a shitting dog but the wife reminded me that I could take my pension early *and* how much I hate that company *and* especially hate that dodgy pillock. Then (architect) called me about the distribution centre job and I stopped worrying"
He has got Christmas off and he is starting the new job on a slightly higher salary. The only downside is that the job is only guaranteed for 18 months. There is the strong possibility that the company will keep him after that if they have work. It's just not definite.
Initially he was planning to take Noisy Gobshite to an industrial tribunal for unfair dismissal. Now he can't because he isn't going to suffer financially. He said "obviously I'm glad I'm not losing money but I was looking forward to beating that wazzock in court".
Right now he is using the extra time to build a better sleigh and some reindeer. Yep, a sleigh. It's to go on the back of a truck. His group walk around the area dressed as elves and snowmen, with Father Christmas on the sleigh, playing Christmas carols at window-rattling volume collecting donations for a charity. I've been roped into it many times.
He brought David the whisky he promised. David said he shouldn't but Site Manager said "Yorkshiremen keep their word. Even to a shower of soft shandy-sipping southerners like you lot. Besides, I'm not risking breaking this lucky streak. Even the whisky was half price". Both me and David pointed at him simultaneously and said "a real Yorkshireman!". For the unaware, Yorkshire folk have a reputation for two things. Very straight talking and being "careful" with their money.
So, after bollocking him for suggesting that I was a southerner\* we left the pub and went to Site Manager's garage so we could drink the whisky and admire his work on the sleigh. If I tell you all how good Cardhu Gold Reserve tastes will they send me some freebies?
(\* I'm Welsh. Born near Caernarfon. Saesneg yw fy ail iaith. Cymru am Byth. That's why you've probably noticed some poor grammar.)
I'm waffling now because I'm full of whisky. It's 1 a.m. so it's past my bedtime. Bye for now.
*Part 2* [*here*](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nrnhuo/part_2_of_2_an_absolute_epic_entitled_ahole_gets/)*.* | almostselfrealised | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nrnf5j/part_1_of_2_an_absolute_epic_entitled_ahole_gets/ | nrnf5j | 24,669 | 186 | [
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2021-06-03T20:43:51 | Part 2 of 2. An absolute EPIC, entitled a'hole gets what's coming - "Do you know who I am" and "you're fired" until they realised their terrible mistake. /r/idontworkherelady. | IDon'tWorkHereLady | *Hopefully the mods will forgive a two-parter, this one is just that long. This is one of my favourite tales on reddit, I'm surprised it hasn't been posted here yet, however, WARNING,* >!it has an unexpected, and unfortunately, sad ending.!<
*Part 1* [*here*](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nrnf5j/part_1_of_2_an_absolute_epic_entitled_ahole_gets/)*.*
***Update #2:*** [***Update Ten (Seriously TEN) to "Do you know who I am" backfires on business owner***](https://www.reddit.com/r/IDontWorkHereLady/comments/e7sn99/update_ten_seriously_ten_to_do_you_know_who_i_am/?st=k48hablu&sh=7bad3a12)***. Posted in*** /r/idontworkherelady
**Update Ten**
I think there might be some karmic justice on its way.
Noisy Gobshite has been "interviewed under caution". It doesn't mean they're definitely taking legal action against him but it means they are preparing for the possibility.
They also did the same with the Project Manager and they're going to do it with the fired Site Manager next week.
The Site Manager is confident he has nothing to worry about. The decision to remove the roof support sections was made *after* he was fired. He said he was confident that if he'd been there at the time of the illegal alteration the Noisy Gobshite would have tried to pass responsibility. Or as Site Manager put it "that cowardly slope-shouldered turd would have shat all over me to save his own skin".
Can turds shit?
Luckily, the Project manager has proof, in the form of an email, that Noisy Gobshite ordered the work. Noisy Gobshite tried to persuade/bribe him not to pass it on to the people investigating this for the local authority planning department. When that didn't work he tried to threaten him. That backfired because not only did Project Manager ignore the threats, but he told the investigators that Noisy Gobshite told him to "lose" the email.
I have a lawyer friend who tells me that interfering with a witness and destruction of evidence are offences in themselves. Noisy Gobshite won't stop digging himself a deeper hole. I am going to be so disappointed if he gets away without legal consequences.
He is definitely suffering though. The big news of the week.
**Noisy Gobshite has been fired**.
David announced it yesterday (Saturday) after he was told by no less than four different employees of ACC. He said they couldn't wait to tell him. Then the conversation went like this:
Me: "How is that fucking possible? How does the owner get fired? Did he walk up to a mirror and say *You're as much use as Anne Frank's drum kit, you're fired*".
David: "Nope. You know he inherited the business from his Dad and Uncle?"
Me: "Yep".
David: "You know his brother and cousin own a slice each?"
Me: "Yep"
David: "Well, their combined share is over 50%. So they fired him. According to Louise, the Accounts Manager, they are pissing their pants. They were happy to leave Noisy Gobshite in charge as long as the money rolled in but now their golden goose looks very sick.
They're terrified that losing this contract and the penalties and fines will finish the business. So, they're appealing to the client/property owner to take ACC back to finish the contract. Part of that involves convincing the building owner that Noisy Gobshite will never have anything to do with the company. Obviously, they're throwing Noisy Gobshite under the bus.
Louise said there was screaming and threats of violence from Noisy Gobshite when they fired him. He had to be "escorted" off the premises. He's been phoning employees asking questions and seems surprised when people don't want to help him. According to Louise he actually thinks the employees like him and want to be loyal to him. She said the man is in cloud cuckoo land"
Me: "He's going to be so pissed off, I wish I could see that numpty's face as it was happening".
David: "It's nothing that the scrote doesn't deserve. There is something else, but I can't tell you because I promised the person who told me that I wouldn't tell anyone yet"
Me: "You fucking tease. How important is it?"
David: "It's huge. Life changing for the subject. I wish I could tell you because it nearly gave me a hard-on"
Me: "Fucking hell, it must be big if it can get that ugly appendage to do anything except hang there like the last chicken in the shop. Your wife must have been pleased"
David: "What a drama. She thinks I should tell her this thing I was told in confidence. She thinks I should be able to tell her everything because we're married. I explained it's not my secret to share. I was hoping I'd get *I appreciate you have integrity dear husband* but no, I've got an angry Mrs who thinks I'm a knobhead".
(Louise and her job title have been changed to protect the innocent)
It seems like it will be a couple of months before he can give me this awesome news so I don't want any of you holding your breath.
The client/building owner has done their inspection. Two areas are unacceptable as expected. The damaged area and the part that David *should* have done but was done by Stefan. They are very unhappy.
When listed buildings are damaged the local authority normally assumes it's the owner taking shortcuts but in this case the owner is a crusty old institution dedicated to preserving important buildings. They're not used to being accused of anything shady so they did not like having to prove they had nothing to do with the damage to the building.
David said "It looks like they've written off ACC because they've issued a type of request for tenders to several other contractors who specialise in conservation"
He then spilled a lot of jargon I neither understood or remembered
Me: "in simple English they have asked a few companies to quote a price for the job"
David: "That's a very simplistic way of describing it but i don't have the time or the crayons to explain it to you, so ok, let's say they're asking for prices for the job".
"Condescending twat!"
So I was hoping this story would build up to a crescendo with Noisy Gobshite suffering something horrible but it's just sort of fizzled out with a whimper while we wait to see what legal action is going to be taken.
Real life is inconveniently slow.
21/1/2020. Hi, this is Mark's wife. The idiot asked me to apologise to the internet for his silence. He was hurt in a car accident on 7th January. We're sure he's going to make a full recovery but he won't be online for a while. I said it's just Reddit but he's an obsessive lunatic about not letting people down so I promised I would add Reddit to the list. So here I am telling all the people that he doesn't know why he hasn't finished telling them something they're probably not reading anyway.
3/2/2020. Hi, Mark's wife again.There were over 200 direct messages. Thank you all for your comments and for wishing him well. I've read them all to him.I'm going to answer the three most common questions.
1. What happened to Mark? He was stationary in his car in a queue to leave the motorway when a large lorry drove straight into the back of him. His car was crushed between that lorry and the lorry in front of Mark. He has several broken bones. Nose and Left orbital and cheekbone, left radius and ulna (forearm), 4 bones in left hand, Right tibia and fibula(lower leg), 4 ribs, one of which punctured his left lung. There is some damage to the central vision of his left eye which we hope is temporary. He has some damage to the tendons in his right hand which need more surgery. Lots of cuts. Total of 112 stitches. He looks like a mess but there is a chance that he might recover without any permanent damage. If it was me I wouldn't cope but he has always been as tough as nails for as long as I've known him. When I first got to the hospital and he was lying there covered in blood and wires and tubes and he couldn't speak properly I went to pieces. He had me laughing within minutes. He's always been good at knowing the right thing to say. The thing that is bothering him most right now is not being able to use his hands.
2. When will he update the story? It could be a while. I could ask the friend he has called "David" for an update but I definitely can't tell a story like Mark can. Obviously I'm biased, but I think Mark is the funniest man I've ever met. When he and "David" get started I laugh so much I can hardly breathe. For now, I've told him to forget about everything except getting well but if it starts to bother him I've told him I'll do some secretary roleplay and he can dictate the story to me. I know he will finish it. He always finishes what he starts. I wish I had a tenth of his self-discipline.
3. A few have asked if they can send him cards or gifts or money to help with medical bills or lost earnings. Thank you so much for offering but it's not necessary. We're in the UK so, thankfully, healthcare is free. He doesn't want anyone's money. If anyone feels the need to do something there is a charity that we have supported for a long time called Macmillan Cancer Support. You can donate at [https://www.macmillan.org.uk/donate](https://www.macmillan.org.uk/donate). They are always grateful for any amount big or small.
***Final Update:*** [***UPDATE: Re - "Do you know who I am backfires on business owner". The "David vs Noisy Gobshite" story.***](https://www.reddit.com/r/IDontWorkHereLady/comments/gow8cn/update_re_do_you_know_who_i_am_backfires_on/)
22/05/2020 - This username [/u/MostlyGruntled](https://www.reddit.com/u/MostlyGruntled/) belonged to my husband Mark. He wrote the story about his friend "David" and a business owner he called "Noisy Gobshite". Mark had been updating the story until he was involved in a car accident in January. At that time he asked me to let everyone know that he was injured and he would update the story when he had recovered. Unfortunately, just over a week after my last comment Mark passed away. Everyone thought he was recovering but without warning he suddenly became unconscious and died very quickly. The staff tried everything they could to save him but he had suffered a "ruptured aorta". They said it had probably been damaged during the accident and isn't uncommon in car crashes. I'm sorry I didn't update this sooner but to be honest I completely forgot about this website. It was only when I came back to read Mark's words again that I saw how many people were waiting for Mark to finish the story. I don't know how many people will see this update but if you know anyone who was waiting for Mark to reply would you please pass this news to them. Thank you.
Thank you to the hundreds of people who left get well messages for Mark. I'm so sorry that I ignored you all for so long but I've been dazed for the last three months. Mark would most definitely have disapproved of my leaving everyone in limbo and would have told me off.
Many thanks to the people who made donations to Macmillan Cancer Support although it seems strange to see money "donated in the name of MostlyGruntled".
Finally, thank you to the moderators, particularly [/u/Merari01](https://www.reddit.com/u/Merari01/) for helping me by explaining how I could inform everyone.
24/05/2020 - I can't thank you all enough for the lovely words and virtual hugs that I have seen over the last day. I have cried for hours . It's hard to explain what "good crying" is when you lose someone. Anyone who has lost a loved one will probably understand. Because of your posts and messages most of today has been "good crying". Your words have made me think about all of Mark's wonderful qualities and all the reasons I loved him so much.I started writing the update and then abandoned it about 8 times before finally finding some bravery. I'm so glad I did it. Thank you again to the moderator [/u/Merari01](https://www.reddit.com/u/Merari01/) for the last little push I needed.It's also made me realise that I want to do one more thing that Mark would have wanted. He always finished what he started. I'm going to speak to his friends and find out what has happened. I know some of it already but I'll try to get myself up to date with everyone's outcomes. I warn you in advance it will NOT be like Mark's writing. It will just be the facts. I haven't got an ounce of Mark's flair for telling a story but its obvious from the comments that a lot of people were waiting for a conclusion. The plain facts will have to do. Please be forgiving. I'm going to speak to the person he called "David" (who has been an absolute rock for me this year). Hopefully he will be able to tell me everything. I'll enter the update as soon as I can.Thank you all SO much. You have no idea how much this has helped.
25/05/2020- Yesterday I was having a better day, mainly because of what you all wrote. Today I woke up angry and I can't shake it. Today is a public holiday in England and I keep thinking about what we would be doing if Mark was here. He never wasted a holiday. I'm angry because I have lost the best person I have ever known in my life just because some selfish idiot couldn't wait to reply to a text message. I can't get over the stupidity and the unfairness. He will go to prison, but only for a few years, but nothing will bring my Mark back. Sorry people, I just needed to vent. Please, please, please don't use your phone when you're driving and don't tolerate it if you see others doing it.
3/6/2020 - I would like to mention two things.Firstly, may I thank everyone who has made a comment. The beautiful things you have all said about Mark have lifted my spirits. I didn't imagine they would, which is why I took so long to inform you that Mark had passed away. But you did help. Even when what you said was so touching that I broke down, which I have done dozens of times reading the wonderful words.Secondly, May I apologise for not yet responding to every comment. On some days I feel I could talk about Mark all day. On others I can't even think about him without going to pieces. If I haven't responded to your individual comment it's not that I haven't read it, I've read all of them. It's just that I have been in a bad place some of the time and I can't reply. I will eventually reply to everyone, just as I did, very slowly, with the cards at the time of his funeral and since. I didn't think I would get through them all. It seemed that I was climbing a mountain that wouldn't stop growing but I eventually replied to them all. All 322 of them. Finishing what I start is one of several good habits I caught from Mark.
I just want to hear him call me cariad again
(Cariad isn't my name. It's a Welsh word for love)
27/07/2020. 3.10 a.m.
Wow. I haven't been online for a few days and suddenly there are hundreds of messages.I can't sleep again and it occurred to me that I could update what happened to each of the people Mark had written about. It's just the facts. It won't have Mark's humour or style. Just plain information but it's the best I can do and better than nothing.
Site Manager.He started as planned in the new position on a building project for a distribution centre. Mark had already said what Site Manager and David were unhappy about. Being on a fixed 18 month contract as a self employed person was a disadvantage compared to being an employee. But that was before the coronavirus. After the virus hit most of the employees were laid off, some were furloughed, but because of the contract the company had to keep paying the Site Manager in full. What he thought was a bad thing turned out to be his saviour.
Noisy Gobshite.The last that David could tell me about Noisy Gobshite was that he has been forced to divest his share of the business so he no longer owns a third. He had to sign a personal liability agreement regarding his assets in the event of total liabilities being greater than the value of the company. The way I understand that is that if, for example, the total bills for Noisy Gobshite's mistakes are more than the company can pay, then Noisy Gobshite must pay the extra even if that means he loses his house. He had to give up his share of the business because they couldn't keep trading if he was involved. He needs them to keep going to pay the lawyers. He hasn't been charged with a crime yet but it's certain that he will. They take a long time investigating and preparing before they charge him. Something to do with needing to be ready to go to court once he is charged. It also came to light that he had a warning for similar but much more minor damage to a listed building in 2011. David has been told that during the investigation some "irregularities" we're discovered by the local authority and were referred to HMRC (the tax man) and Noisy is also being investigated for VAT fraud. One of the earliest comments on Mark's story said "expensive cup of coffee". An understatement if ever I've seen one. The big news was going to be about Noisy Gobshite and the sexual assault/rape of one of the P.A.s in the ACC offices in 2017 and sexual harassment of other staff too. The rape/assault did happen but wasn't Noisy Gobshite. It was a former Finance Director. Stories about sexual harassment of female staff have not developed and turned out to be just rumour.
David.Financially and workwise he is probably one of the few people who were not affected by the covid19 outbreak. Because he works on his own and has no social distancing issues he has continued almost as usual. He said work is easier because, in his words "the usual plonkers are not there to trip on my equipment or stick plank ends into my finished work". Personally, David is not doing so well. Outside of family David took Mark's death worse than anybody. He tries not to show it in front of me. When he is with me he is a rock. He has saved me from myself. He is one of three people where I feel I can really let go about Mark. Or so I thought. I spoke to David's wife last week and she was so sweet and sympathetic about it but she had to tell me to hold back a little with David. He looks strong to me but his wife says it's shattering him. I knew he and Mark were good friends. She says he has taken Mark's death very badly. She says in all their marriage she only saw him cry once when their dog died. She didn't see him cry when his parents passed. She says he seems lost now and has cried quite a few times. The worst thing to hear is that the time he cries is after he has been to see me. I feel terrible. It's obvious that he was grieving but I didn't know I was putting so much on him. I'm going to be more careful and stop using him to vent all my pain. I wish she had spoken sooner. Or maybe I should have been aware of it instead of being so selfishly focussed on my own grief. That's as much as I know about the updates. They are waiting to see what Noisy gets charged with. If he is guilty of damage to listed buildings he might go to prison. If he is guilty of VAT fraud he'll almost definitely go to prison. Either way the fine will e six figures. David said he wondered if he'd like prison coffee. He's got evil sense of humour.
27/07/2020 5.30 a.m.
When I came online earlier there were notifications for 512 private messages and comments. I don't know where to start. If you've written PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't think I'm ungrateful because I haven't replied. At 3.10 a.m. I felt able to write so I did the update. Right now I don't think I can do it.
I have been looking at the video of our wedding. I thought it would make me feel better but I feel like I've been knocked over by a bus. Mark's speech has crushed me. He talked about when we met and when he went back to the house he shared with other Royal Marines. One of them asked Mark "what's the joke?" Then again "you're grinning about something, come on, what's so funny?" Mark said he couldn't and wouldn't explain it to them. He just couldn't stop smiling every time he thought about our date. He said he felt like that every time he thought about me. On our wedding day it made me smile and brought a tear to my eyes but this morning it broke me. I don't think the pain is getting easier. I think it's getting worse. I can't stand it. I feel it all through me and I can't stop it. All I can think lately is that if I can't have him back I wish I had been in the car with him. He was an atheist and he always said "this is all you get so don't dare waste any of it" so he wouldn't approve of me hurting myself so I don't think I can. It's just so hard to carry on with this pain. I just want it to stop. I'm sorry to carry on like this. I daren't say this to people I know because they worry but writing here is like screaming into a diary. My apologies to everyone. Ill try to get a hold on things but I miss him SO much and I can't stop it hurting.
I don't know what to do. Nos Da Cariad
31/08/2020 17.25
Since I last updated this submission I've replied to quite a lot of messages. Hundreds. But I didn't get through them all. I can't read/see any more of the messages in chat but the screen says I still have 92 waiting. If you didn't get an answer you're in the 92.
It was our anniversary yesterday 30th August. I was dreading it but then when it came it was sort of empty. I watched our wedding video. I cried. I answered some messages. Half way through one message I was suddenly overwhelmed with the realisation that all the happiness I will ever have in my life has already happened. And finished. Everything I try to do in the future is just going to be overwritten with "Mark should be here but he isn't". Everything from here until I die is just going to be existence. Just breathing and watching the days pass. It seems so pointless without Mark. I don't know if I can write any more. Thank you to everyone who offered their help. You're lovely people. Hold on to the people you love like you might lose them tomorrow. Don't do what I did and assume you can carry on in your own little heavenly bubble forever. Some careless idiot can snuff out everything you love in the blink of an eye leaving you with nothing ahead of you. Bye. | almostselfrealised | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nrnhuo/part_2_of_2_an_absolute_epic_entitled_ahole_gets/ | nrnhuo | 22,052 | 211 | [
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2021-06-04T15:24:37 | Brother is dying of cancer. His wife isn’t giving him his meds or caring for their 2 kids. | LegalAdvice | Posted to LegalAdvice by [vector78](https://www.reddit.com/user/vector78)
TW: spousal, child, and animal neglect
[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/hrgfwx/my_brother_is_dying_of_cancer_and_his_wife_is/)
My older brother is dying of stage 4 colon cancer. He will literally pass anyday now.
I went to visit him last week and he was so bad off. Apparently worse than other's had seen him. I found out his wife has not been taking him to chemo, not feeding him, and selling all his meds. She's a huge junkie. She literally texted my grandma "I have the lock box with his meds. Good luck!"
I went to visit the place where they reside with a newborn and 5 year old. I was crying. It was disgusting. I can't put into words how awful this place was. She apparently leaves the newborn and 5 year old with my brother and parties all night. Rotten foot, dead bugs everywhere, clothes stacked to the ceiling. Meanwhile she goes out with some other guy and leaves my brother who can barely hold his head up with the kids.
I called CPS that moment. I've never done it before.
I find out today she took the kids and ran. I'm terrified for them. CPS is apparently looking for them. I'm also scared because apparently she took out a life insurance policy against my brother. I feel she is intentionally letting him suffer to get this money.
There's no way to contest this, is there? I want the life insurance policy gone but she's his wife so I don't know if it can even happen. How can I help these kids?
They live in Hattiesburg, MS and I'm in Birmingham, AL.
[2nd update](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/htanc4/still_needing_help_my_brother_is_dying_of_cancer/)
Hi all,
A lot has gone down since that post. My sister is very scared and I'm hoping for some advice.
We picked my brother up from the trailer and transported him to the care of my grandmother.
The trailer I mentioned in the last post is owned by my grandma. She doesn't live there, she lives in New Orleans East. She was letting my brother and his wife stay there rent free. It is in her name completely and paid off.
Here's where I'm worried. On this property they had about 6 stray dogs. These dogs were not taken to vet or anything like that, imagine stray dogs staying around because you feed them. My brother's wife claims these were her dogs.
Since my grandma owns the trailer, she gave my sister permission to enter and gather my brother's stuff. My sister called the ASPCA on the dogs to get them homes. The dogs were in awful shape. One of them is so bad with mange. We felt we did the right thing.
As my sister was taking the animals, my brother's wife shows up. She had been missing with the kids but just shows up. She shows up with three junkies. She's angry. She's taking photos. She said she is going to prosecute my sister for trespassing on her property and taking the dogs. My grandma owns this property. This is my grandma's land.
She texted my sister "I have photos of you trespassing on my property and stealing my dogs. I will go to court unless you return them." She also said we were on her property getting my brother's things and we had no right.
Also she knows we called CPS. She said "I talked to CPS and they are on the same page as me". I know she is lying.
My sister called me scared, saying she is worried. Can she be prosecuted for this? I know there are weird rules about people living on property for a certain amount of time so I'm worried.
Since the property is owned by my grandma, my brother's wife is talking shit right? I doubt she has legal standing but I want to make sure because my sister is anxious.
[Final update](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/nru6rz/update_my_brother_is_dying_of_cancer_and_his_wife/)
Hello. It has been a while. I will make this short. My brother passed away from cancer on July 24, 2020. My brother's wife was finally evicted from my grandmother's property. Myself and many family members had called CPS. The children were taken from her custody. She failed every drug test the court ordered of her. She's been in jail for drug charges and theft for a while now.
My mother now has custody of the children and they live with her.
They are safe, healthy, and doing so well. Watching them grow and learn makes me swell with pride. I see my brother in them so much. I know he would be happy to know they are safe.
Thanks for all your help. | overflowingsewing | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ns7qcz/brother_is_dying_of_cancer_his_wife_isnt_giving/ | ns7qcz | 4,427 | 767 | [
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2021-06-04T18:56:55 | Kind of wholesome update - “So I grabbed him”. /r/idontworkherelady | r/idontworkherelady | **Original:** [**“So I grabbed him”**](https://www.reddit.com/r/IDontWorkHereLady/comments/aohgc6/so_i_grabbed_him/?st=JSG6A51L&sh=f062bc7e)**. Posted on** /r/idontworkherelady
It finally happened and have to save, kind of traumatic. I did a bad and wore red into a target with khakis. Long story short for preamble, I had gotten off an overnight shift and didn’t think about where I was going and saw a target. Knew I needed a few things from laundry detergent to some groceries and such. So I went there.
I got stopped a few times, but every time I simply said I wasn’t an employee and only had to show my work badge once out of four times...until the last guy.
So to set the stage, I’m 5’6” and just over 120 if I eat a full course meal and don’t sh\*t so I’d say I’m smallish. The dude that stopped me is about a foot taller than me and pure definition of a gym bro.
Now I won’t lie, I didn’t handle it well. I was tired after the over night and annoyed I had been stopped several times now. He called out to me, ignored him. He followed and called out a few more times and I simply said “don’t work here.”
He didn’t like that. He ran in front of me and grabbed my left arm and began to shout “I AM A CUSTOMER GOD DA-“
I punched him in the throat with my free arm out of reflex. He quickly let go of my, began coughing violently, and I just stood in disbelief that A) someone would just grab an individual and scream at them and B) I just punched a guy over six feet, way stronger than me, and who was obviously angry at me...I ran.
I ran up to the front counter, pulled my phone out and called 911. I told the person in he phone and employees what happened and hid. Eventually the cops came, see this guy screaming at employees to tell him where I went.
After about an hour of de escalation I come out. He says something along the lines of me assaulting me after he “politely tried” to get my attention. I explain my side and that I’m not an employee. Cops check the cameras, see what happened, and then cuff him and escort him out. This is a highly abridged version of what happened as this took awhile to get done. During this he tried to explain and I distinctly remembered “So I grabbed him” hence the post title.
They asked me if I wanted to press charges, honestly no. I don’t have the mental energy to take it to court and honestly I feel like punching him in the throat was enough payback personally for me.
Tl;dr Dude thinks I work at a target, grabs me when I ignore him. I punch him in the throat in self defense, cops are called, cameras show what happened and he got walked out.
EDIT: I appreciate the supportive c moments, don’t appreciate others giving me shit for not pressing charges. Just blocking those people so if you want to comment that please don’t.
EDIT 2: thank you for silver kind stranger
EDIT 3: another silver and even more positive stuff. Thanks a lot guys, I appreciate all the positivity. Really helps ease the stress.
**Update:** [**UPDATE to “So I grabbed him”**](https://www.reddit.com/r/IDontWorkHereLady/comments/atiid7/update_to_so_i_grabbed_him/)
So this just happened today. I was shopping in a local co-op to get some breakfast before work. And I saw him, the dude I punched. He saw me and I tried to hurry off but he called out “I’m sorry!”
I stopped, turned around, and he walked over and looked really apologetic so I decided to hear him out.
We talked a bit, after about five minutes of him apologizing. I’m going to shorten the conversation but he said “I’m really sorry. My grandfather recently passed away and he raised me and such (cutting down for privacy and brevity.) that doesn’t excuse what I did though, so I’m really sorry.”
He also explained that he didn’t face any charges but he did seek out therapy and that seems to have been helping. He even paid for my breakfast. Turns out it was a dude having a bad day and a lot of background info that isn’t up to me to decide to share past the initial cause.
Either way I just figured I’d update with a happy and somewhat wholesome ending to the interaction.
Tl;dr I met the guy I punched, turns out to be a good dude with issues. He owned up to his fuck up, is seeking help, and even paid for my breakfast | almostselfrealised | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nsck6t/kind_of_wholesome_update_so_i_grabbed_him/ | nsck6t | 4,238 | 320 | [
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2021-06-05T02:15:01 | I'm so happy for OP - "I’m moving far away from my abusive family without telling them anything, but my mother surprised me today with a piece of art and I feel horrible." /r/confessions | Confessions | [deleted] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nsldae/im_so_happy_for_op_im_moving_far_away_from_my/ | nsldae | 9 | 0 | [
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2021-06-05T02:32:19 | Boyfriend dumps OP to be with his female best friend, after a surprise birthday party that OP wasn't invited to. Best friend says she "won" him. Karma steps in. | Relationship_Advice | Some of the ages don't match because OP was trying to conceal identities.
[Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/nqy3a2/i_25f_just_got_dumped_by_my_29m_boyfriend_hes_now/)
Sorry if this is long but want to detail accurately. I just went through a break up and my ex is now with his best friend. I had always had reservations with their friendship. She was always overly flirty with him and would “stake” her claim on him through passive aggressive comments. I brought it up once in a cool like manner and he just said that’s “how she is with everyone.” I let it slide for about a year because I didn’t want to come off as insecure. Most men don’t pick up on how women can be passive aggressive towards each other so I figured I’d take the high road and ignore her. He also never gave me a reason to even think that he thought of her like that.
However, she threw him a surprise birthday party (a week before his actual birthday) and did not tell me or invite me. He was confused as to why I wasn’t there and she told him that I did not like his friends and refused to attend. He called me while he was there and drunkenly expressed how sad he was about my “behavior.” I could hear his BF in the back basically cackling and yelling at him to not give me any more attention and that I was a horrible girlfriend.
The next day I tried calling him but got straight to voicemail. My texts went straight to green also so I was sure he blocked me. Luckily, I am close friends with his sister, who, coincidentally was also not invited to the surprise party (the BF doesn’t like his sister). His sister told my boyfriend everything from my point. But his best friend swears she invited me and sent me and his sister the paperless post and it must’ve just been an accident/mishap.
After that day he started acting really distant towards me. I asked him if anything was going on with his best friend. He said no. He loved me and understood that the whole party thing was an accident. I tried to remain calm and told him that I don’t like the idea of his friends thinking I dislike them and even said maybe I should reach out to her and we could grab coffee. He was all for it, but she never texted me back. I made sure not to say anything negative about his best friend and ultimately told him, “I agree, it must’ve been an accident.” Which I didn’t think at all.
2 weeks later, he’s still distant during that time, he sits me down and says it’s over, after 2 years. I was calm but asked what triggered this and asked if his best friend had anything to do with the break up. He said that yes she did but he promised nothing physical happened with them while we were dating, but that he had developed feelings. He said that it, “just happened” They’ve been friends for over 10 years. So why didn’t they date before? He said he never thought of her romantically until a few weeks ago.
Afterwards, she made it very public that she “won” and that I’m a “loser” and thank god their friends group doesn’t have to deal my toxic behavior anymore. Which I don’t even care about. She’s lesser than me and it’s very clear by her actions. I actually bumped into a couple of his friends at the bar a few weeks after we broke up (MF couple) and they mentioned how they and several of their other friends were bummed that we broke up because they thought I was fun and sweet and loved having me around. It definitely wasn’t a conversation with nice pleasantries, I could tell they were genuine.
I just don’t understand how feelings change in such a short amount of time since they’ve been friends for 10 years.
One week after we broke up, he’s dating his best friend and they’re “completely in love.”
I’m very hurt but just trying to see it from another point of view since my ex won’t really explain it to me or go into detail on how he “all of a sudden” fell in love. In my opinion, falling in love isn’t so easy, you have to continually interact emotionally & romantically with another person to get there.. which in my mind is a form of cheating. He was just so nice and proper during the relationship as well as during the break up. It was completely respectful, as much as it could be.
I just don’t understand? How do these things happen? I have guy friends that I would never think to date, or more so, speak to in a romantic sense wherein it’s a possibility to fall in love. Thoughts? I genuinely do think that his feelings changed and he wanted to explore another relationship and that he was really contemplating it for a couple of weeks before making a decision. Not sure what the antithesis was but it obviously happened at this surprise party I wasn’t invited to.
I don’t really wanna hear the whole “he’s an asshole, you’re better off without him” comments. We’re broken up and done with and I’m moving on. Just trying to figure out if other people have been in the same situation and how this sort of thing happens.
TLDR: Boyfriend dumped me for best friend after surprise birthday party.
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/nshidq/update_i_25f_just_got_dumped_by_my_29m_boyfriend/)
So I received a text from a random number. It was my ex - I blocked his normal number. He basically outlined how he missed me and had ended things with his best friend. He asked to grab coffee and talk it out and hopefully reconcile.
He said, “I didn’t realize how much I’d miss you and I’ve realized that you’re the one for me. I’m so sorry about everything that’s happened in the last month. You deserve better, but I’m hoping we can meet up and discuss and move past it.”
WOW. A whole 3 weeks? I’m genuinely still curious as to why he ended our 2 year relationship for this girl.. I knew she was trouble.. knew it wouldn’t last... but didn’t think it would be a measly 3 weeks.
I’m fuming. He’s essentially asking to get back together after fucking his best friend and now he has clarity over the situation and figured out that she’s not what he wanted.
I still think he’s one of the nicest men I’ve ever met and fell victim to another girl’s manipulation but fuck him. He’s 31 years old.... do better!
And just a PSA to anyone out there who would contemplate this type of fuckery... don’t.
TDRL: Update: my ex came crawling back after he dumped me for his best friend.
EDIT: I know it seems weird to say this is the “nicest person ever.” What I meant is.. he’s a good person and he massively fucked up. I know he regrets it.. as he should... but I wouldn’t label him as a cheater or someone who played with my feelings. He got feelings for another girl, contemplated what to do, made a decision, broke up with me and perused it.. then figured out it was the wrong decision.
Him and I can’t get back together because I will never trust him again. He made a decision to leave our relationship, it didn’t work out for him with this other girl but I can’t trust that it wouldn’t happen again. Simple as that.
But I do think he went with his feelings and wasn’t trying to deceive me or go around my back to cheat. That’s all.
EDIT 2: No we didn’t get coffee, I told him to fuck off and blocked the new number.
EDIT 3: ok you guys caught me on the discrepancy on the ages. I was trying switch up the ages in the title to protect anonymity. He’s 31. BF is 30 and I’m actually 28. Keeping the title as is though. | mermaidpaint | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nslo81/boyfriend_dumps_op_to_be_with_his_female_best/ | nslo81 | 7,367 | 625 | [
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2021-06-05T06:23:49 | These mother/daughter ones really get me - "AITA for inviting my dad's girlfriend over my real mom to spend the day with me?" | AITA | ***Original:*** [***AITA for inviting my dad's girlfriend over my real mom to spend the day with me?***](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/je1p6k/aita_for_inviting_my_dads_girlfriend_over_my_real/) ***Posted in*** /r/amitheasshole
My (17F) parents got divorced 6 years ago. My mom quickly remarried and my dad has been seeing his new girlfriend for nearly 2 years now. I now live at mom's house for two weeks, then switch over to dad's house for the next two weeks.
My relationship with my mom has always been difficult. I always felt like my mom wished for a more 'girly' daughter, so we could do classical mother-daughter activities together but I'm simply not that person my mom wants me to be. I've always been more 'tomboyish' and been into sports, especially tennis since was a little girl, something my mom never truly understood or made an effort to be interested in. As a result my mom and I never had the close mother-daughter relationship I feel like my mom wished for us to have.
Now my relationship with my dad has been the polar opposite. My dad and I always got along great and I have always been a 'daddy's girl'. But when my dad introduced me to his new girlfriend Julia, I instantly disliked her. My younger me thought she was stealing my dad from me. Her being relatively young (27 when they began dating), and a - how I unfairly stereotyped her at first - 'vapid pretty girl' certainly didn't make me like her either. But my younger me misjudged her, and she's honestly pretty great. She always supported me, showed in interest in my passions, showed up to my tennis matches - something my mom didn't bother to do - and has been a great person all around. I'm now ashamed to admit this but I didn't recognize this until \~3 months ago and have been acting pretty horrible towards her before that.
The problem: Second last weekend I had a tennis tournament where I got second place. For the second place, I won a spa day for me and a guest. I decided to invite Julia (my dad's gf) to thank her for supporting me and for dealing with my horrible behavior. You don't believe how happy she was when I invited her. But when I returned to my mom's place on Sunday evening my mom kind of assumed I would invite her as my guest for the spa day. She seemed to really look forward to it. When I awkwardly told her that I already invited Julia she was disappointed and sad. Since then, she has acted downcast and moody, and we haven't really talked. I tried to explain the situation to her, but she won't listen.
Now I feel horrible. I feel like really hurt my mom and I feel like I chose Julia over her.
AITA for inviting my dad's gf over my mom to spend the day with me?
***Update:*** [***Update: AITA for inviting my dad's girlfriend over my real mom to spend the day with me?***](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jnayad/update_aita_for_inviting_my_dads_girlfriend_over/)
Sorry for the late update it has been a busy 2 weeks.
First of all, I would like to thank everyone for taking the time to read and reply to my post. I have read every response and I appreciate all the input.
I have been putting off talking to my mom until Sunday a week ago when I finally found a good opportunity to talk to her. I told my mom that I love her, that I didn't intend to hurt her by inviting Julia, and that I feel terrible for hurting her. I also explained to her why I invited Julia - this time she seemed to listen - and reassured her that me inviting Julia doesn't mean we can't have our own spa day or that I chose Julia over her because she is still my mom and I'll always love her. Then I showed her the websites of some spa places I had looked up beforehand and offered to pay for part of the costs. I know some people advised me against it but I think it's a small but important gesture to show my mom how much she means to me. My mom seemed really excited to go to one of them with me and said I wouldn't have to pay a cent.
Then came the hard part for me. I told my mom that I feel like she never supported me in my interests and it hurts me that she can't even be bothered to show up to my tennis matches. I also expressed my feelings that I always felt like she wished for a more 'girly' daughter and how this hurt me. At first, my mom got pretty defensive. She tried to deny it, but I was adamant and in the end, when she saw how important this was for me, she apologized and promised to improve.
Later at dinner, my mom asked me if I would like to go to a nearby climbing park with her and my step-dad in the future. I instantly agreed and was so happy, because going to a climbing park isn't something my mom would normally suggest. I feel like it means she genuinely listened to me and tries to truly improve our relationship.
It has been a week now since I talked to my mom, and I'm in good spirits as I hope our relationship will improve. I'm also hopeful we find our own mother-daughter thing in the future. Thanks again Reddit for your input. | almostselfrealised | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nspdic/these_motherdaughter_ones_really_get_me_aita_for/ | nspdic | 5,003 | 395 | [
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2021-06-06T00:23:07 | OP refuses to name his daughter 'Karen' out of fear of her being bullied later in life. | AITA | [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jfdbk3/aita_for_refusing_to_name_our_daughter_karen/) by [u/NotKarensDad](https://www.reddit.com/user/NotKarensDad/)
&#x200B;
**AITA for refusing to name our daughter Karen?**
&#x200B;
My wife and I recently found out we’re having a daughter. We hadn’t really talked about names before but we both agreed that each of us will retain veto power. When we did start discussing names, both of us wanted to name her after our late mothers. Her mom’s name was Karen and my mom’s name wasn’t a meme. I told her the baby can take my mom’s name as her first name and her mom’s name as a middle name, or have an entirely different name, but I can’t okay “Karen” as a first name in any case. She got offended because she just wants to honor her mother and thinks I have a problem with that. I just don’t want to set our daughter up to be bullied throughout her life. I told her I’d be fine with whatever first name she picks as long as it doesn’t lead to the baby being picked on later in life, but she’s pretty insistent on Karen.
Edit: Wow, I didn’t expect this to blow up. I thought I’d delete this since this issue is pretty much resolved now but you guys are clearly enjoying this, so I thought I’d provide an update. We had a talk about this and why she had such an emotional reaction to my veto. Ever since her mom died suddenly when she was only fourteen, she’s wanted to name her first daughter after her and she didn’t really ever consider that the meme might be a potential obstacle. By that point, I’d thought about it for a while and realized that, as many of the comments have pointed out, Karen likely won’t be a meme by the time she’s old enough to feel its impact. So I told her I’ll recant my veto but we should still reconsider it because it still has potential complications and we might just come up with a better tribute. While exchanging ideas, we realized that both our mothers very coincidentally had the exact same middle name, Elizabeth (well mine had two middle names, and Elizabeth was one of them, but still). It seemed completely perfect to both of us so we’re going with it. Thanks for all your inputs! | MissBarker93 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nt9a85/op_refuses_to_name_his_daughter_karen_out_of_fear/ | nt9a85 | 2,204 | 537 | [
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2021-06-06T17:55:41 | OP finds out, after weeks of chatting, that his date is an incomplete paraplegic. Feels unsure on what to do. Happy update! | Relationship_Advice | This is a repost. Original by [u/throwawaydick43L](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwawaydick43L/)
[I \[26/M\] am going on a date Friday after talking to my date \[27/F\] for a few weeks via text/chat and she never revealed her disability. I feel very odd, kind of want to cancel but don't want to be "that guy."](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/nq36lr/i_26m_am_going_on_a_date_friday_after_talking_to/)
My friends were raving about "Simone" to me and how she was looking for a great guy. They kept pushing me to contact her (Simone and I didn't know each other prior to being set-up). We started off texting, then FaceTime and a mix of platforms. Finally when I was back in town I suggested we have dinner and drinks. She gladly agreed and said she couldn't wait. We're planning on dinner & drinks Friday, she texted to show me a dress she bought. Then she kind of drops the bomb of "I'll probably use my wheelchair." Wait, what?
Not wanting to pry, I ask my friends and they say that she uses a wheelchair sometimes due to an accident but can walk somewhat. I responded to Simone that I didn't know she was in a wheelchair. The place I picked isn't all that accessible, so I had to cancel the reservation and change locations. I told her of the change in plan and she rolled with it, said it was fine. She texted this morning to say that she didn't want to disclose it but she's an incomplete paraplegic and can't walk extensively.
I feel like a real scumbag, but part of me wants to cancel. I really like her, but I feel like this was information that she could have shared *before* we went on a date. We talked about how much we enjoyed certain activities, many of which she can't do and I was warned by my friend who set us up not engage in "ableism" (whatever that really means) so I am totally at a friggin loss.
Has anyone ever dated someone who was unable to walk? I feel like there's all this sudden pressure and expectation, like should I drive her to the restaurant? How is *she* getting there? Do I have to do anything different?
I've been stewing about this all day and frankly want to tell Simone I'm a bit freaked out but I don't want to be rude or make her feel bad. I just have no idea how the hell to navigate this, moreover, it all feels very odd.
I would appreciate anyone's advice on how to handle this.
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Some comments with OP's answers:
>[Why won't you consider someone who struggles to walk? Is it because you're an avid hiker or mountain biker and you want someone to share that with?](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/nq36lr/i_26m_am_going_on_a_date_friday_after_talking_to/h08fnuu?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
I was formerly VERY obese (put it this way, I was 6'2 and well over 400 lbs). I've worked my ass off to lose weight. I *hate* going to the gym, I find it so boring. I lift weights at home but to keep fit, I do BJJ, hiking, swimming, surfing and running. I have made it part of my life. She talked about how she liked to do those things. I feel like an asshole now talking about how much I've learned to love jogging on weekend mornings. I mean, I told her about my goal to return to Hawaii soon and dive again. It feels a bit awkward that we've had so many conversations and it never once came up.
>[But... didn't she tell you before the date?](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/nq36lr/i_26m_am_going_on_a_date_friday_after_talking_to/h08f5p0?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
Yes, via text. This morning. We've Facetimed, talked, chatted, called and she's shown me around her apartment. Not a mention. I told her I'm allergic to microwave popcorn because I figure, why not? She told me she has no food allergies. Maybe "hey, by the way, no one told you... but...." I *hate* being blindsided by things. I hate not being told things straight up. Had she told me this before, and given me a chance to ask simple questions, I feel like it would have been better.
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[UPDATE:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ntpil5/update_to_i_26m_am_going_on_a_date_friday_after/)
The comments were mixed. According to one user, I wasn’t responding to the right people (I stopped responding after a while but read every comment). I was cancelled by many (though [/u/prestigious-plane119](https://www.reddit.com/u/prestigious-plane119/) decidedly *didn’t* cancel me, so thank you.) and in general, the consensus was that I was a colossal dick and had internalized ableism ([/u/sickly\_lips](https://www.reddit.com/u/sickly_lips/)). Others demanded I submit to diversity training (?) but all-in-all, many of the comments were very helpful, even when they accused me of being ableist.
What bothered me was not that she’s an incomplete paraplegic. It wasn’t that I would be embarrassed of her in public or that I’d need to be her caretaker. It’s that I don’t like finding things out indirectly. I like honesty. I like being told everything that’s relevant. This was held from me by my friends and by Simone, and they both went to great lengths to make sure I *didn’t* know. That’s what irked me. And, if we're being honest, *it is different*. She *can't* do everything that most people can, she has limitations. It feels weird to try and pretend that it isn't the case. No, she's not a wheelchair with a person. She's not even a person in a wheelchair, per se. She's a person. She has limitations. I, too, have limitations and some that are weird - I'm allergic to microwave popcorn. Go figure. What I've learned from some people in wheelchairs is not that they want for people to pretend like they aren't in a wheelchair but to just accept that they are and if need be, ask questions.
After she told me, she sent me a long text about how she’s an incomplete paraplegic from an accident when she was 13 and *can* walk, has sensation in her legs, but she can only walk for short bursts and needs crutches to do so. For all intents and purposes, she’s wheelchair bound. She apologized for being deceptive and explained that her situation draws two types of people: those with a fetish and those that want to have someone to pity and look down on. I’m neither of those. She took the heat for the friend who set us up and told me she asked them not to tell me. She then gave me an out to cancel the date but thinking back that she had bought a dress and we had plans, I felt very bad about cancelling so I told her that I was still looking forward to meeting her and would see her Friday.
I think she felt I was just being nice and so she called me. We talked and I told her very honestly that I still wanted to go and meet her Friday. We had an awkward conversation because we didn’t really discuss the issue. Anyway, I went on the date.
I arrived first, she arrived 10 minutes later. It was *incredibly* awkward at first. There was an issue with the table. The waiter asked if he could move our table (for reasons unrelated to her wheelchair) to one closer to the front of the restaurant (which was a better location anyway). I was dying. It was brutal. The conversation was stilted, she was playing with her hair and only managed to say that I was taller than she had thought. The waiter saw how awkward it was and offered me a drink, which I gladly accepted. She scooted from her wheelchair into a regular chair, so I took my shot and made a joke. It was so painfully awkward that I needed to do something (“I didn’t think you’d need a chair, since you brought your own!”). It worked! She laughed and then told me that she felt bad. I made another joke, which helped lighten the mood.
It started off as very awkward, but as we progressed through dinner it got much better and by dessert she was calm enough that she ate both of our desserts for us. Because she helped herself to my dessert, we decided that drinks would be fun, so we found a place, sat outside, and had cocktails. Since neither of us had plans for Saturday, we agreed to meet up. I got to her place this morning, I brought a gift of chocolates, we fooled around and then explored the city. We went various places, had a light lunch, coffee, went around the city to different places and then invited me back to her place. We had wine, talked and just generally relaxed. We agreed to an official second date next weekend where we’re going for a boat excursion and we're going to meet-up midweek so she can again eat my dessert for me.
So, to the people who said she was wasting her time: I guess not.
My problem was that in 7 weeks of talking, the issue had never come up, no mention of a lifechanging injury or that she has limitations. It’s not a deal-breaker per se but have the decency to tell me. My friends didn’t want it to affect our relationship until *after* we got to know each other, but literally 7 weeks of chatting, I should have been told. I mean, that’s just the decent thing to do. Do I get that it’s difficult, unpleasant and can send people running? Yes.
Many comments indicted me for assuming that she couldn’t do the same things that able-bodied people can do, or that it doesn’t define her. In short, no, that’s not true. She can’t really walk, so many activities like hiking, running and a myriad of other physical activities are just impossible. She has feeling and sensation but limited control, so things like skiing are out of the question (whereas swimming is not). There’s no shame in it, but it’s something even she admits. I just told her straight that I was taken aback, and she told me that she doesn’t tell people as a defense mechanism. I used that as an opportunity to make another joke about how I guess rock climbing was out of the question for our next date.
Moreover, everyone calling me an asshole, an ableist and every other name: Neither she, nor an independent 3rd person, thought my concerns were “ableist.” I didn’t try and lift her or push her wheelchair or make her feel bad about anything. What upset me was that I wasn’t told. We had long talks about physical activities I do and she never once was like: “Yeah, BJJ is out for me.” I like to enjoy certain things and need my own time, so I don’t need a running buddy. I don’t need a GF who goes to BJJ with me. I don’t need someone who is at the gym when I’m at the gym. I’m perfectly happy to date someone who *doesn’t* do those things – I do those things for me, because it keeps me from gaining weight, having sleep apnea and prevents things like a heart attack. I don’t do them because it makes me a good person but because I like how I feel now that I’m not 400lbs. If she can't free dive with me in Maui, then okay. She can do other things, enjoy the awesome boat, hangout poolside and we can do *other* things as a couple. My identity isn’t wrapped up in my physical activity. That was never the issue. The issue was being blindsided, having information kept from me and being treated like I needed to be handled a certain way. And isn’t that what people with disabilities want? To be treated like everyone else. Well, then treat me like everyone else, too!
What did I learn? Being in a wheelchair isn't a deal breaker for me. Making jokes breaks the tension and that I just really dislike being deceived but that I'm not such a scumbag that I can't see the rationale and feel differently once I have all the facts. | Im_your_life | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ntrf6g/op_finds_out_after_weeks_of_chatting_that_his/ | ntrf6g | 11,580 | 490 | [
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2021-06-06T20:23:48 | So my (24F) best friend (24F) says I owe her everything I have, including my boyfriend + UPDATE | Relationship_Advice | This post has many parts as the situation escalates.
The OP is u/pinacoladawhatever
[PREQUEL: My (24F) best friend (24F) is too handsy with my boyfriend (26M) and I think it's inappropriate](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/9i7sdi/my_24f_best_friend_24f_is_too_handsy_with_my/)
My (24F) best friend (24F) is too handsy with my boyfriend (26M) and I think it's inappropriate
I know I should be careful calling someone "best friend" in a post like this, but I don't know how else to call "Jessie".
Our parents are great friends so we grew up together and she kind of had my back in high school. Long story short, on the teenager food chain, she was on top and I should be on the bottom. But nobody messed with me cause I was "Jessie's friend".
Jessie is one of those people who require attention. I never minded though, nobody is perfect right? But now that I have my first real boyfriend, she doesn't know how to behave.
Every time we are together she is really "handsy". Always touching his arms, running fingers through his hair, complimenting him. And now she even started with the "prank spankings" on the butt you know? I just feel really uncomfortable with it. Maybe it's normal, I mean, Jessie has a lot of guys friends, so maybe this is ok? My BF never thought much of it either. Am I just overreacting? She is super pretty so maybe I'm just jealous?
Anyway, yesterday something really threw me off. BF had to do some work and I had a book thing (hobby), so we decided to meet later at a friends's house, they were getting together to drink and so on. BF finishes work early and calls me, but I don't really need him to come over to the book thing (I know he doesn't like it) so I just tell him to go to Friend's house.
Then I start getting texts from Jessie all like "girl, you gotta come to this party now, your BF is WASTED! LOL", "lol, we so drunk, you need to come and stop us", "I can't behave myself if you dont get here soon". And so on. The book thing took longer than I thought and I was just getting mad and madder. But I am a very non-confrontational person, so I deal with it.
I call BF when it's over cause I don't feel like going to this party anymore but I was his ride, so I ask him if needs me to come pick him up. He says, sure. I get there and don't even go inside. I am ready to release the Hounds of Hell on him. But he gets in my car and he is stone cold sober.
I ask him if he was drinking and then show him Jessie's texts. He gets super upset and says she was lying, he wasn't even hanging directly with her, but catching up with a friend who just came back to town. He says I should have texted him letting him know what she was saying so he could confront her about it "since you don't ever seem to be able to give that girl some boundaries" his words.
Now I am thinking maybe I should talk to Jessie? But maybe she was just drunk and annoying me cause she wanted me there? I don't know I mean, this girl was really nice to me growing up when she could have been a bitch. I don't like how she behaves around him but at the same time I don't want it to look like I don't trust her. Is there a polite way of going about it? Or I should maybe wait and see if this happens again? Am I overreacting?
tldr Old friends is handsy with my boyfriend, and it upsets me but I don't know if I should tell her or how.
Update: Thanks to everyone for your comments and help. I decided to talk to Jessie and posted a development to the story
[ORIGINAL: So my (24F) best friend (24F) says I owe her everything I have, including my boyfriend](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/9ii13w/so_my_24f_best_friend_24f_says_i_owe_her/)
I am very thankful to all those who commented, especially the ones who encouraged me to say something and what. I don't like arguments, so those were very important to me, thank you!
Last night we were alone cause she wanted me to help her choose clothes for an event. I was at her place so I thought I should say something (I wanted to say something). I was very polite and just said that I knew she meant no harm but I didnt feel good about it. So I asked her if she could tone it down (I should have said "stop" but I guess I'm weak).
She didnt really say anything mean, but her attitude was a bit off, I think. She was looking at me in a scornful kind of way, and the way she smiled once I was done talking... it just felt weird. She didnt say anything else but "okay" and we just moved on to choosing her clothes and I left after. We were supposed to go get something to eat but she said she was tired. I am not dumb, she was hurt.
So I texted a common friend (more her friend than mine) and, without getting into details, I just told him that I talked to Jess about something that was important to me but that I was afraid she may have gotten the wrong idea from it. The common friend said "look, I dont wanna get involved, but you should watch it". I asked what he meant, he said "nothing, just watch it".
A little while after that he texts me back and says "changed my mind, I do want to get involved" and sends me a bunch of prints of texts going back and forth between him and Jessie.
It basically starts with him asking her if the two of us had a fight, cause I was worried (he was kind with his words, I dont mind him stepping in) and then just a non-stop stream of her being horrible. She says I had a big mouth and was judging her behavior cause I'm a prude who doesn't know how to be around guys. How she taught me everything I know about having a life and how dare I tell her what she can or cannot do, or how I should thank her for even having a boyfriend at all.
Common friend actually called her out for being rude and no friend of mine. After the prints he told me "I'm done with her, I give up, and you should watch it". He also said it was ok if I told her I had the prints.
I didn't though. Didn't know what to say. I mean she is not 100% wrong. But even though I know that, it really hurts to read those.
This morning I wake up and see she texted me late at night. She says she knows "Pete" sent me the prints and she didn't mean to be rude, but it's ridiculous that I am jealous of her because if she wanted my BF she could just have him, "you want me to prove it?". So I'm being silly and should drop it, is what she meant. She ends it with kisses and a joke. So I don't know if she was being playful, apologizing, threatening or being pragmatical.
I didn't answer her yet.
I don't know what to say.
Should I even say something? Or should I just let it go?
I wish I could talk to someone about this but I am very private. I usually go to Jessie with these things.
Help?
tldr Asked an old friend to stop being so handsy with my boyfriend, she took it the wrong way and told a common friend I got no business telling her what to do since I owe her so much
[UPDATE 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/9j5ig0/update_my_24f_best_friend_24f_says_i_owe_her/)
tldr Asked an old friend to stop being so handsy with my boyfriend, she took it the wrong way and told a common friend I got no business telling her what to do since I owe her so much
My boyfriend is having sex with her.
A friend convinced some other friends to send me prints of texts between themselves and either my BF or "best friend".
They are pretty clear.
I confronted my BF, he looked lost, said he loves me and it was just sex. He says "Jessie"kept throwing herself at him, teasing him, and he said he didn't like her but I still wanted to hang.
He said he just had sex with her to see if she would move on and leave him alone, and that it only happened a couple of times. Says he wont do it anymore, he doesn't even like her, he loves me, asking me to please forgive him.
From the texts, once I finally made it through them all, I think that Jessie went to the party (where me and BF met) cause she wanted to hook up with him. She had it bad for him, but he didn't feel the same way. She was trying to get him to break up with me, and then to get me to break up with him.
It worked. As of yesterday he is a single man.
In some of those texts, they are talking about some of the hook ups. I feel like throwing up.
I blocked him, cause he was still trying to get in touch.
I ghosted her. But she just sent me a message saying she just heard what happened and "you know this was probably for the best right?" and I feel like fucking screaming.
I don't know if this is an update or just me venting.
Thanks for listening either way.
EDIT
I don't wanna sound melodramatic or sappy or anything, but you all brought me to tears.
We keep hearing about how it is insanity to rely on the internet for personal connections, but I just lost a boyfriend, a best friend, and a whole group of friends.. and instead of feeling alone, I am more and more feeling like "fuck yeah that was the right thing to do, I will be ok". It still hurts. But not as much as it would had I really been alone.
I can't even begin to thank this sub.
I really don't know what to say.
Even on my previous posts that didn't get as many responses, it was some of the comments there that made me approach the cheating thing knowing I had to break up and move on. So it changed my life in this moment. And considering I will be doing a lot of soul searching on toxic relationships, this probably changed my life for good.
So thank you all so much for reaching out to a stranger. This community is so precious!
And I got a gold, I don't even know what to say! Thank you so much! I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but I don't even know how much a gold costs, and this is an alt account, so it wont really be used. Is there any way I can return it to the sender?
Some of you are asking for an update. I might in a while, if there is something new to tell. Right now it's just more of the same.
I don't think I will be able to answer all the comments, but I am trying to at least answer the ones with questions!
Thank you!!
[FINAL UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/9kpysk/final_update_my_24f_best_friend_24f_says_i_owe/)
I said I'd come back if anything relevant happened!
EX-BF kept trying to get in touch through common friends. They kept asking me to unblock him and at least hear him out, cause he was really sorry, he loved me, he was a mess, he didn't mean to, someone even went as far as to ask me if I was really sure it happened. They offered to send me prints of texts where he was talking about me, so I'd see how he always had great things to say and how much he cared. But I've had it with the print screen drama for life, and said no. To the ones who insisted I told them I wasn't unblocking him, had nothing to say or hear, and if they kept pushing me, I'd block them too.
I ran into EX BF at this book thing I go to often (hobby of mine). Maybe I'm being presumptuous, but I think he went there for me. He didn't really have any business there, but I'm just speculating really. He asked if I had a few minutes for coffee, I said I was late (lie). He walked me to my car. He looked so good, smelled great. He was so sweet. Was even wearing his hair the way I like it. I fell horrible cause even after everything, I still like him. He apologized some more, said he knew I needed time and space but asked if I'd consider giving him another chance cause he would wait for me. Said he would never talk to Jessie again, and would act like they had restraining orders against each other. And I just found it really funny how everything he was saying required me trusting him. Which I don't. So I told him I wasn't interested anymore and he should move on. I wish I said something snappier or wittier. But I had nothing.
This was saturday, I haven't heard from him or friends since. I think that was that.
Jessie also kept trying to talk to me. Like I told some of you on comments, I had a trip coming up, it would have been me, Jessie, EX BF, and a few friends. Since Jessie couldn't afford it, my parents payed for most of her expenses. She must have remembered this right after everything went down and panicked cause I had everything (vouchers, confirmations emails, credit card info...). She went CRAZY. Even showed up at my place (I wasn't home and my roommate told her to fuck off, exact words). I didn't block her at first cause I admit I was having some fun watching her despair.
I talked to my mom and she was amazing. Told me I should cancel everything even if it costed us money, it was fine. So I did. And for one last bit of print screen drama: I printed all the emails I got confirming cancellations and sent those to Jessie with the word "bye" before blocking her.
My roommate has been amazing. We were never really close and now I don't even know why. She cancelled plans with her friends to stay with me and invited me to go out with them next weekend.
A few of you suggested I see a therapist and I did, yesterday. I really liked it. It was just one appointment and I mostly just talked, but it felt good. She gave me "homework": she talked a little about unhealthy and abusive relationships and asked me to think about my friendship with Jessie and try to point what was healthy and what was unhealthy about it. Made me realize she was never really my friend. She was taking advantage of me for years and she even had me thanking her for it. Therapist also told me about this saying (I think that's what it is) called "The Narcissist's Prayer", which goes something like "That didn't happen. If it did, it wasn't my fault. If it was, I didn't mean it. And if I did, then you deserved it", which is totally how Jessie is handling this whole thing now.
So good riddance indeed
And a final piece of gossip. "Pete" talked to me yesterday (he is checking up sometimes, he's a good guy. Again, he is gay, in case someone is still thinking this might turn into a romantic comedy) he said Jessie was super sure that since I broke things off, she and Dean would hook up right away. But apparently he doesn't have the same plans and that freaked her out over the weekend. Pete says he really is a mess and went out drinking hard 4 nights in a row to the point he had to be carried home by his pals. And yesterday, they all went out for lunch at this burger place, Jessie was going to run her fingers through his hair or something and he just pushed her away and told her to stop and to never touch him again. (Great that now he manages to do that, huh?)
I guess in the end he really did like me in his sick way. The thing is, I don't want to be with someone who likes me in a sick way. I want to be with someone who likes me in a healthy way. I thin I deserve that.
I am also thinking about taking the money I got back from the trip to go somewhere else by myself. Haven't decided though.
Anyway, this will be the final update on this, since it is unlikely that I will have anything new to add
Now, I think I just need time to heal and let go, you know?
I might come back in a few months if there is reason to do a "yay life is awesome now" post, but I wanted to post this update now cause I wanted to end this whole story on a bright note. And, of course, thank you all again!! You are the best!!
tldr It's all good. As well as could be, anyway! Thank's Reddit! | red_earaches | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ntupn3/so_my_24f_best_friend_24f_says_i_owe_her/ | ntupn3 | 15,353 | 999 | [
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2021-06-06T23:42:19 | My girlfriend told me she was with a friend, but that friend was with me picking out an engagement ring. How do I confront my girlfriend about her lie? | Relationship_Advice | Original :
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hi97h9/my_girlfriend_told_me_she_was_with_a_friend_but/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
God this is a doozy. I swear my life feels like a movie right now. Sorry for the weird formatting, I'm on mobile and this is my first time posting on a sub like this.
I (28M) am planning on proposing to my girlfriend of 3 years (26F). Now, I suck at picking out jewelry. Im the type of guy that doesn't see a problem with heart shaped jewelry (seriously why is it considered so ugly?) so every time I want to buy something for my girl, I usually consult one of our mutual friends. My girl's best friends are all friends with me as well and we all get along well, so asking them for help picking out jewelry is something I'm used to.
When it came time to pick out a ring, I consulted my girlfriends best friend Justine (fake name). Justine and I are quite close and she knows my girlfriend better than anyone, including me. So, when my girlfriend when out to visit her sister and baby nephew, I invited Justine over to the house to help pick out a ring.
Justine and I looked through a few catalogues, but decided it was a dead end and it would be better to go to professionals at a jewelry store. However, I didn't know when my girlfriend would be coming home, so Justine and I thought of a clever text to gauge how much time we had. I asked her when she'd be coming home, as I was ordering takeout and wanted to know when to tell them to have the food ready by.
She responded by saying it would be a few hours, she met up with Justine to go shopping. Now, obviously this took me by surprise since Justine was standing inside my house. I showed Justine the text, and she looked as confused as I was.
It isn't out of the ordinary for my girlfriend to meet up with people out of the blue like that for shopping, lunch, etc. She's a very spontaneous person and loves making plans on the fly. So ordinarily, I would have believed this text in a heartbeat. However, obviously this had to be a lie.
When she came home she acted completely normal, and I played along but it's been really hard to act like everything's fine. We got takeout, ate together, and cuddled on the couch after. So far she's caught on a little that somethings upsetting me, but I just can't tell her what. Looking at her kills me.
I don't know what to do. My girlfriend and I have zero trust issues and we tell each other everything, so this lie is killing me. I want to ask her about it so bad, but if I tell her I knew she was lying, I'd have to explain why, and I really don't want to do that. What do I do? I know she lied to me but I don't know how to confront her about it. Should I just forget it? This won't stop gnawing at me. Please help!
Edit: I'm sorry for the lack of responses, it's been a hectic day and there's a lot of comments. Thank you to everyone who has commented so far, I appreciate them all!!
Edit #2: sorry again for the lack of responses, guys. It's really been a crazy day. My parents are moving and I've been helping them. Also, I've never experienced this many comments on a post in my life!! I am going to talk to her tonight once we're both finally settled in after such a busy day, and I will update tomorrow.
UPDATE:
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hjkgnj/update_my_girlfriend_told_me_she_was_with_a/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Hey guys! Oh my god, where to begin! My last post got WAY more attention than I could have ever imagined. Suffice to say, it was a tad bit overwhelming. Seriously, the amount of people begging for an update was a bit dehumanizing in a way. Like I wasn't a person going through something, but more so a "story". But I understand, haha.
I just want to say thank you so so so much for all of the support and wonderful comments. I got a lot of great advice that helped me tackle the issue head on. I also got a lot of really really kind comments and messages. It was awesome.
I also got a lot of comments that made me realize how toxic this sub can be. There were MANY comments that just said things like "she's cheating, it's over" and "don't even confront her, just leave". It's advice like that that can ruin relationships that just need a little work.
And thank you to the people that told me to hit my girlfriend, told me I was an embarrassment to my gender, and best of all, told me I should encourage an affair because it would lead to great experiences for me later in life. You gave me a good chuckle.
ON TO THE UPDATE.
I decided to confront my girlfriend. I thought about using some of the lies people suggested, but they just wouldn't make sense. To say I ran into Justine somewhere: well, I told my girl I had to stay home and do stuff around the house, and that's why I couldn't go with her to see my SIL. To say Justine was helping me pick out jewelry: it doesn't make sense for her to come all the way to our house to help me pick out a piece of jewelry unless it was a serious piece of jewelry (like an engagement ring). If I just wanted to get her a piece of jewelry as a gift, I'd ask her friends for suggestions or ask them to send me pictures of jewelry she might like. It all happens over text. None of the excuses made sense. So, I decided to be honest.
I basically just said that I knew we'd been thinking about marriage and she probably knew a proposal was coming soon so I invited Justine over to help me find her the perfect ring, and that so happened to be the day that she said she was going to see her, so... what's the deal?
She immediately started grinning like an idiot and prodding me about proposing and the ring, but then we got back onto the topic of where she was and she confessed what she was really doing. No, she wasn't cheating, and no, she wasn't picking out a ring for me (the amount of times that was commented was crazy).
So, some people are dog people and some people are cat people. Well, me, I'm a snake person. I grew up with snakes my whole life. But I never felt I was able to get one because my girlfriend has always been uneasy about living with a snake which I completely respected. Also, the process of buying and raising a snake is very different than that of buying and raising a dog or cat. It's quite complicated. So you could imagine my surprise when my girlfriend showed me a picture of her holding the cutest Kenyan sand boa I have EVER SEEN!
Needless to say, my girlfriend was going to surprise me with a snake! We're picking her up next week (let me know if you want a pet tax, she's so cute). I definitely did not expect this and I feel bad for ruining the surprise, but oh well. Life is good! Sorry if this isn't the ending you guys wanted or expected, just a snake haha. Thanks for reading!!
TLDR: snake.
Edit: pet tax! Sorry I'd love to give some better pictures, but the only other picture is a picture of the snake right next to my girlfriends face, which I don't want to show. If people are still interested I'll probably upload more to my profile once we take her home! | thyme_of_my_life | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ntyun7/my_girlfriend_told_me_she_was_with_a_friend_but/ | ntyun7 | 7,114 | 261 | [
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2021-06-07T11:25:52 | The first post made me so sad for the family - "AITA for throwing my kid’s clothes onto the floor when they don’t fold their clothes neatly." | AITA | ***Original:*** [***AITA for throwing my kid’s clothes onto the floor when they don’t fold their clothes neatly.***](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hbtzdt/aita_for_throwing_my_kids_clothes_onto_the_floor/) ***Posted in*** /r/amitheasshole
So I’ve always been kind of a neat freak mom the entire time my kids have been alive. I always expect their rooms to be clean, and I check their drawers/closets/storage bins to make sure they don’t just shove stuff in there to make the room appear clean.
The kids (16, 13, 9, and 6) are all responsible for putting away their laundry, and my oldest two are responsible for folding their own clothes. Which bothers me because my 13 year old folds his clothes in a way that bothers me, he rolls them up instead of properly folding them.
Ever since the kids have been home and have more free time, I am more strict about the way they put away their clothes. I expect their clothes to be folded a certain way and organized in a certain way in their drawers.
I read from a mommy blogger a few years ago, that when her kid’s drawers weren’t organized she would make a mess for them to organize the right way. I considered it for a few years, but now that the kids are old enough, I think it’s the way to go for us.
I havent had to do this until yesterday, I walked into my 16 year old’s room while she was Facetiming her boyfriend, and saw her basket of laundry that needed to be folded and out of curiosity, opened her drawers, and saw she has shoved her clothes in there. I started making a mess and she screamed “Mom why?” and I told her she knew why.
After that I walked out of her room, she explained to her boyfriend what I did and he says “Your mom’s fucking crazy bruh” and I peek my head into her room, give her a look, and she ends the call with him and breaks down crying.
I told my husband what happened, he told me “I knew said you were gonna do that but I didn’t know you would actually follow through.”
This morning I woke up to a note on my daughter’s door saying “Until mom can get mental help, I’m staying with Aunt (my sister’s name)” I texted her, no response. I tried contacting my sister, who said she has no plans to return until I “get mental help and stop being such a controlling bitch”
My husband, sister, and mom are all against me in this which hurts. I don’t think it harmed my daughter, it benefits her and helps her stay organized.
\---
*OP argues in the comments:*
[clothesindrawers](https://www.reddit.com/user/clothesindrawers/) **OP** \-771 points · [11 months ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hbtzdt/aita_for_throwing_my_kids_clothes_onto_the_floor/fvb7i62/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
I didn’t make a mess because I didn’t get my way, I made a mess for her own benefit. And she’s normally very organized and clean and picks up after herself, so this was abnormal to see
[clothesindrawers](https://www.reddit.com/user/clothesindrawers/) **OP** \-1008 points · [11 months ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hbtzdt/aita_for_throwing_my_kids_clothes_onto_the_floor/fvb77wi/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
Of course I want her to be independent but she needs to learn to follow directions no matter how silly she thinks they seem
\---
***Update:*** [***UPDATE - AITA for throwing my kid's clothes onto the floor when they don't fold them neatly?***](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i9ld3q/update_aita_for_throwing_my_kids_clothes_onto_the/)
Almost 2 months ago I made a post on here about me throwing my daughter’s clothes onto the drawer when they weren’t folded neatly. Well that post really blew up, people on Twitter also chimed in.
Well the night I made the post, I was still in serious denial. I replied to some comments and my denial was perfectly clear for everyone to see.
The day after I read some more comments and messages I received from everyone. I resorted to the guest room and cried for hours. I read some people tell me that their moms were similar to me and they no longer have relationships with them. That was truly my worst fear, I seriously love my kids more than anything on this planet even if my actions don’t always show it.
I booked a virtual appointment with a phycologist, who diagnosed me with OCD and let me know she would help me. I have since had about 8 sessions with her and she has been a big help. Of course I still have a long way to go but I have been noticing some improvements already.
As for my daughter, she stayed at my sister’s house and came home a few days later after I told her that there would be major improvements made in my behavior. I sat all the kids down and told them that I have the resources to not be such an overbearing asshole to them anymore.
One thing I do want to address is the fact that I was usually controlling with my kids, but the incident I wrote about was the one that sent both me and my daughter over the edge.
Me and her are on much better terms. I want to thank Reddit for waking me the hell up to become a better mom and wife. I also want to apologize to anyone who I brought back bad memories to. I want to have relationships with my children until we all grow old and I know so many of you guys don't have that, which breaks my heart but also hearing your stories gave me a big change of heart and are helping me fix my relationships and become a better person. | almostselfrealised | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nua16y/the_first_post_made_me_so_sad_for_the_family_aita/ | nua16y | 5,452 | 640 | [
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2021-06-07T14:07:49 | Mother finds out her husband has been abusing the children: "AITA for telling my husband that he is in fact just like his father? " | AITA | written by u/Throwaway008721
[ORIGINAL](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/npgryh/aita_for_telling_my_husband_that_he_is_in_fact/):
My (31F) husband (31M) and I have four children. A son (9M), a daughter (8F) and twins (5M).
My husband and I were over the moon when we had our first two kids and were just very excited. The twins were a HUGE surprise considering twins aren’t common in either of our families but we decided to keep them. However, my husband’s attitude towards the twins has completely changed.
I know it’s tiring. We have a other little children running around too but it’s not like we’re overwhelmed. My mother who is still very young and fit lives with us and she usually takes care of the kids when she can. We aren’t short on money either as both of us come from pretty wealthy families. However, I know that sometimes that isn’t even enough when it comes to parenting so I decided to leave it.
However, instead of moping around or just being distant, he’s become pretty mean with the twins. He’s always finding something to shout at them for.
I shit you not he shouts at them for being identical as if they purposely planned it. Plus-he’s the perfect dad with my older children-he only acts weird with the twins.
I had enough yesterday when my youngest asked me why dad hates him and whether I want him to disappear too. There is absolutely no way a little kid would lie about something like this-I don’t think he has the mental ability to make up things like that either.
I was furious and confronted my husband who was sound asleep in the bedroom. I asked him what his fucking problem was and why he was being an asshole. He was confused so I explained. He then accused my son of lying and saying nonsense.
Obviously, I didn’t believe him and told him that he was exactly like his father. He got pissed and left the house. I don’t know where he went and honestly-I don’t give a shit.
Sidenote:
Husband’s father was, in short, a piece of shit. Very absent and cheated on his wife a lot. My husband vowed to never be like him and gets very heated at the mention of his dad.
Anyways my mother, who heard the whole thing go down, told me that I did the right thing by shouting at him but I should not have mentioned his father. My sister who I called later said the same and told me to make a post on here just to see.
So, am I the asshole for telling my husband that he is exactly like his dick of a father?
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/user/Throwaway008721/comments/nqt2uc/update_aita_for_telling_my_husband_that_he_is_in/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf):
So, I’m posting on here because some of the things I’m going to talk about may not be allowed on AITA. Also, it‘s probably too early to update on there.
So, first things first, I would like to thank all of you for your input. I read every single reply and have taken all your words into consideration.
Secondly, I would like to clarify a few things.
When I said that my husband and I decided to keep the twins I meant that we had to think long and hard about me giving birth to them. My first two pregnancies had a lot of complications and according to the doctor, twins would be worse. Ultimately, we both decided that we would keep the kids and pray to god that I would be fine. It was tough, I almost passed but I survived.
I had mentioned my husband’s behaviour before and he always told me that I was over analyzing him or overreacting. According to him, I was doing too much. I actually thought I was going crazy and felt like a bitch for thinking my husband was mistreating the twins. However, my son’s face showed me that I was right the whole time and I should not have let it to go on as much as I did. And I blew up on him. Yes, I said it to hurt him but I also said it because I hoped that he would realize that he is turning into a dick of a man-just like his father.
Now onto the update:
So, a few hours after I made the post, my husband messaged me saying that he was sorry for leaving the house abruptly and shouting etc. I first asked him where he was and he said that he was at his brother’s house. I told him to get comfortable because there was no way he was coming back home.
I then asked him if we could meet later and he said sure. So, the next morning I went over to his brother’s house and we talked. And honestly, I’m numb.
I’m going to keep this as short as possible so I’ll skip over the irrelevant stuff.
So first I apologized for comparing him to his father (not for shouting at him but for the comparison) and he said it was fine. He apologized as well.
Then I asked him why he was so mean to the twins. It took some time for him to tell me the truth but he spilled. Like many of you suggested, he said that he felt like they weren’t his children. Apparently the kids don’t look or act like him and he got “bad vibes” from them. I rolled my eyes at the bad vibes part but I assured him that I did not cheat on him and that just because they don’t look like him (they look a lot like me) doesn’t mean they aren’t his children. He said that he did trust me but something about the twins was off. I told him that he wasn’t making any sense and that he needed to see a therapist. ASAP.
He kind of looked defeated before saying that he would. I forced him to make an appointment then and there in front of me. I then told him that he wasn’t coming near any of the kids until he sorted out his issues because the children are going to be heavily affected by him. I mentioned some of the things you guys said about how much words hurt and how kids remember.
At this point, I had some hope that he would get better. That there was a slight chance of us becoming a family again. But then I asked him one more question.
Did he ever physically hurt our twins. Somebody mentioned this in the replies of my og post and it had been killing me. I needed to know.
He said yes. But only a few times when they were being difficult. I was shocked. He HIT our children and I was clueless. He said that it wasn’t hard and that the twins were throwing things and wouldn’t calm down so he hit them. He didn’t mean to and lost control. I didn’t want to hear anymore and immediately left before I did something.
I went home and when my mom asked me how it went, I cried. I sobbed in her arms. I don’t know where I went wrong and why everything was going to shit. You hear these things happen in the news or in movies but you never realize that it could be happening to you or your babies.
I then made sure my kids were okay. I asked my twins first if dad ever hurt them. They said yes and one of them even said that he was scary. I asked my eldest two if dad ever hurt them and they said no. I asked the two if they ever saw dad hit the the twins and my son didn’t know but my daughter did. She even said that they deserved it.
That ruined me even more. I mentioned that my daughter had been starting to treat the twins like her father but I managed to stop it. Obviously, she isn’t mean to their face anymore but it’s obvious she thinks low of them.
So, taking advantage of the money I am privileged enough to have. I have decided to put all of them in therapy with the best people I could find. When they asked where their dad was I told them that he was busy with work and wouldn’t be home for a bit. I honestly don’t know if that was the right call but I don’t want a man who hits kids in my house or near my children. I’m just numb. I’ve cried so much that I cannot cry anymore. I can’t be angry because I let this happen for so long. I can’t be guilty because I need to stay strong for my children.
I still don’t know what to do. Like I’ve said a billion times. I’m so numb. It’s like all the joy has been sucked out at me. Thankfully, my sister moved in and both her and my mother have been supporting me a lot.
I felt like letting it all out and talking about it on this post would help me feel better but I still keep getting flashes of anger, sadness, guilt etc and I don’t know. I know I’m making this about me but I don’t know how to handle all this information that’s been dumped on me in one day. But, I’m going to be strong for my children. I’m going to get the best lawyer I can find and I’m going to do my very best to protect my kids. Whether I let my husband into my life or the lives of my kids is still a huge ? for me as my eldest two have mentioned that they miss him. I will see how things go but I don’t know if I can ever trust him again. He has messaged me a few times since our conversation saying sorry and that he really didn’t hate our twins. But I don’t know.
And yeah, once again, thank you random strangers on the internet for the replies and private messages. I don’t know if this update was satisfying and I highly doubt that I’ll update again as I’m going to put all my time into helping my kids but I hope you all have an amazing day. Thank you guys :) | cute_microbe | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nudexw/mother_finds_out_her_husband_has_been_abusing_the/ | nudexw | 8,962 | 358 | [
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2021-06-08T02:01:07 | My fiancé is a completely different person. I can’t take it anymore. + UPDATE | Relationship_Advice | [ORIGINAL](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/nfleh3/my_fianc%C3%A9_is_a_completely_different_person_i_cant/) by u/dannicren
I, (m 27) have been together with my fiancé Aliya, (f33) for four years. We met at college while I was in law school and we moved in with each other after one year. We were engaged two years ago and we started to plan our wedding for next year. There have been many times where I asked Ali if we could go and visit her parents, together, but each time, she came up with an excuse. (yes I know that should have seen the first red flag). Two months ago, her parents let us know that they were moving to our country and had already bought a house in our city. My girlfriend was very quiet the next few days.
I didn’t notice it then, but from that day on, she stopped wearing shorts or short sleeves or crop tops even when it was warm outside.
The parents moved in completely on one Friday. On the Saturday, I told fiancé that she HAD to take me there and introduce me. We get there, and about to leave the car and she puts on a scarf which she took off when we entered the house. (second red flag?) I was taken aback. Her dad was supporting an impressive beard I admit I was jealous of. Her mother was wearing a long, sort of cape thing (no idea what they’re called) and a scarf on her head. She did not even shake hands with me. I didn’t mind. Her beliefs, her body, her choice. I actually liked them a lot. They seem to be inherently good people.
We sat down and started chatting and I brought up the wedding. Her parents said that we should first have the engagement party when I come to their house with my parents and propose. I was confused. I started to say something but Aliya caught me off and suddenly changed the subject. (red flag nr 3?). Late at night, I announced that we should go back home because we both have early mornings. Mother-in-law TB says” if you can’t give her a ride we can do it”. My fiancé hastily told her something in their language and rushed me towards the car.
Come Monday, she started to wear long or loose-fitting clothes and even started to wear a scarf. There were behavioral changes too. She is cold and doesn’t engage in any romantic activities. Not even kissing. She refused to come with me to an LGBT gala I was invited to for work because she suddenly didn’t believe in their “lifestyle”. She told me that when we are married, she will stay home and I will be the “breadwinner” of our family. She tries so hard to get me to accept her religion even though she knows that I’m an atheist. She doesn’t want to watch movies with a lot of nudity or you know what. She pressures me to visit her parents with my parents and plan a wedding in a few weeks. She says she is going to move in with her parents until we get officially married. But I’m distraught. I don’t even recognize her anymore. Would I be the worst person if I pressed pause our engagement and reconsider our whole relationship?
Edit: I’m going to confront her tonight and will write an update.
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/nuq78a/my_fianc%C3%A9_is_a_completely_different_person_i_cant/)
I know I promised an update asap and it’s been a while but after my whole world came crashing down I needed some time.
We had the serious talk you guys advised me on:
I asked her to tell me everything she has told her parents. She denied lying to them at first. When I threatened that I’d go to my brother’s and stay with him and his husband indefinitely, she freaked out and told me everything.
She didn’t tell them anything about me until 2 years ago when we had already moved in. After I proposed she had only told them that there’s a “nice guy showing some interest” at school. She didn’t tell them that we had already been living with each other for 2 years.
As I mentioned, I work as a prosecutor so I’ve encountered many cases of violence in the name of “honor”. I asked her if she was scared of her parents and what they might do if they found out she had been having intimacy for four years and drinking, wearing revealing clothes, eaten pork, and so on. She said she’s not afraid of them at all.
I asked her then how come she only started acting like this since her parents moved here. She said that she knew when her parents get here they will push us to get married earlier than we had planned, and then she could stop all the sinful things because then I wouldn’t be able to leave her.
So basically she had been doing all those things, so she could get me to marry her and then she would stop pretending, but then it would have been too late for me to back down.
A few people here mentioned kids so I asked what she will do if one of our kids turn out to be gay?
She said they will be raised with “good morals” and won’t ever choose that path. (basically insulting my parents) I said that’s not how it works and there is a possibility. She implied that we will not allow them to be that way.
I asked if we ever had a daughter, does she want her to cover herself when she turns 9 (taklif) so that her (9year old) body doesn’t awaken lust in grown men who see her? She said yes. I was appalled. Decided then and there that our relationship was over.
I told her that even if I could tolerate her clothing, and the misogynistic views she has on how a woman should be and act, I can not, will not, subject my daughter to abuse.
I asked what she would have done if our daughter decides to have intimacy when she turns 15 (that’s the age of consent here and most people, including yours truly, do “it” at that age).She said we won’t give her the freedom to be able to do that and she won’t have such loose morals if we tame her the right way. I called her a hypocrite and said I couldn’t look at her one more second. I left for my brothers’ and said she can move out and take everything she wanted. I packed and left while she cried and begged me.
She kept calling and texting asking how she was supposed to move when she doesn’t know any men who can help her. I blocked her. Came home 3 weeks later and almost 80% of our stuff was gone. I’m not angry about it. I’m just numb. | red_earaches | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nutmte/my_fiancé_is_a_completely_different_person_i_cant/ | nutmte | 6,170 | 629 | [
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2021-06-08T18:26:39 | A sordid tale of gas station voodoo, with a sudden escalation in the update [AskAManager] | EXTERNAL: AskAManager | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.askamanager.org/2021/01/my-coworker-put-a-magical-curse-on-her-boss.html) appeared on the AskAManager blog, not Reddit.*
I am an employee at a gas station. We have been hiring new people to fill a few positions, and I have been asked to train our new members of the team. When I was training one of my new coworkers earlier this week, she said some things that I found very concerning. She is openly very spiritual and told me that at her last job, her manager was “jealous of her spirit” and that she decided to perform a spell on her, and after the spell was “cast” her manager came in limping a few days later. She then said, “She’s lucky I stopped because she might have ended up with a broken foot” and “I don’t mean to intentionally hurt people but sometimes you have to take things into your own hands.”
From my perspective, this is openly admitting that she has tried to threaten someone, maybe not at this establishment but at another job. She also spent most of the shift describing disturbing sacrifice rituals that she believes the “elite” practice and while also suggesting there are spirits or parasites among the customers.
Some of the stories about her previous work history don’t entirely add up, and she let me know that she’s been in and out of jobs for the last few months. Something is very off about her behavior. She comes off as very articulate, but I feel I’m seeing signs that she’s emotionally unstable.
I have yet to bring the situation up with my manager. I am only 21 and in college, just trying to work and go to school. I have never come across a situation where I physically feel uncomfortable and not safe at work. If you have any advice, that would be much appreciated.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.askamanager.org/2021/06/update-my-coworker-put-a-magical-curse-on-her-boss.html) (*link is external to Reddit*)
Your advice and reading the comments under your blog post really helped me to understand that what I was feeling in the moment was valid. I ended taking your advice and communicated my concerns with my manager. In my opinion the situation became better, but I think my manager lost her marbles in the end.
At first, my manger, Ashley, understood that I was not comfortable working with my coworker who enjoyed hexing others. Ashley took my concerns seriously and never scheduled me with her after that initial conversation, which I was very grateful for. Over the next few weeks, one of my other coworkers started to notice similar unstable behavior/patterns where our coworker would go around talking to herself and saying things like “i have a demon in me” or “on the 21st, all people doing bad things will be sacrificed,” telling customers that they have “evil spirits,” etc.
Eventually she started taping hidden “spells” around the store, we found a few one morning and I was in utter confusion because they insinuated questionable actions. A few days later, there was an incident where she threw something at a customer’s car out of rage. Most of these incidents were brought to my manager, who decided not to do anything about it. She said it was because “I am scared that she’ll do something to me if I confront her.” A day or so later, she stole money from the cash register and a few days later the store was robbed during the pm shift, coincidentally by someone she knew. This person had been constantly visiting her during her shifts and on camera you could see them clocking the store. Yet Ashley said a day later, “I think she is going to work out here.” In that moment, I looked at her in complete disbelief. I was shocked at the complacency and poor management and judgment.
I had to take some time to see if this was really an environment that I could work in until I graduate university. I don’t have anything against witchcraft but when it comes to openly threatening others, purposely trying to make people uncomfortable, and stealing, those are not values I stand for and I no longer wanted to compromise myself for a job that was putting others at risk. In my opinion she was emotionally and mentally unstable, we never knew what she was going to do or say next. Due to the nature of the relationship I had with Ashley, I thought it would be best to discuss why I wanted to part ways. I explained that I had found a new job at an animal hospital as a receptionist (which turned out to be the best thing for me), and that I wouldn’t be putting in my two weeks notice because I felt as if my well-being had been compromised. Ashley was not understanding at all. I think she was disappointed that I did not want to put in my two weeks but my concern wasn’t about who was going to cover my shifts. She had already made a choice not to address the situation on multiple occasions, even after many of my other coworkers expressed their concerns. This was no longer a safe working environment. Normally I have always put in two weeks notice but my instincts were telling me to head in the opposite direction.
I want to thank you and everyone in the comments who asked for an update. I am doing better than expected and this experience has taught me that sometimes jobs no longer have your best interests and your safety always comes first.
---
**Additional comments from OP**
I am the person who originally submitted the original post. “Cindy” who was the district store manger, did not want to get involved. One morning after speaking to Ashley after the incident with Clarissa, purposely trying to damage customer property she advised all of us to wear an “anti-witchcraft” necklace. I’m laughing as I type this in utter disbelief because, it’s now clear that this was a systematic issue that will probably never be addressed. I wound not be surprised if Clarissa is still is employed.
---
The police did get involved, however the night that it happened was on Clarissa’a day off. My two co-workers were working that night, & one of my coworkers called Ashley during the robbery. The next day the police came by to collect the security camera footage. I was there that morning & I believe that the detective requested a few weeks worth of footage, as they were able to connect that the same person who robbed the store was seen constantly “interacting” with Clarissa on multiple occasions. One of my coworkers even said to Ashley weeks before the robbery happened that she constantly invites this one person to see her during her shifts and that she sometimes allows them to come behind the counter (which is we’re the drop safe and cash registers are). The detective told Ashley that Clarissa could be charged with a felony as well for being a accomplice by default. However Ashley only wanted to charge the perpetrator who robbed the store because “Clarissa wasn’t working that night”. However the police needed a name/identification, so Ashley had asked Clarissa who the person was and she responded by saying “I am not a snitch, but I’ve never met him before”. Another one of my coworkers who one worked once a week, knew the person by their nickname as they grew up in the area and mentioned it to Ashley. That was the last update I had received on the situation as I quit a a week or two later. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nvatgy/a_sordid_tale_of_gas_station_voodoo_with_a_sudden/ | nvatgy | 7,239 | 260 | [
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2021-06-08T18:40:22 | A woman finds out her boyfriend of three years has a second girlfriend of nine months. She wants to warn the other girl, but the boyfriend (in typical cheater fashion) is claiming the other woman is emotionally unstable and will self-harm if upset. | Relationships | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/ns0k6y/ldr_boyfriend_m23_cheated_on_me_f20_after_3_years/) is by /u/Towel_Tricky.*
Long story short, I figured out from 3000 miles away he’s been cheating. Started with a phone call popping up on his screen with the girl's name on FaceTime (I said go take your phone call, he refused, Said it was his male friend - confused/gaslit me and made me rethink the name I had read, wasn't a huge alarm bell because I thought I just misread the name). Then I found them with matching IG profile pics of all things (praise be to the Instagram algorithm suggesting her account to me the day after the phone call incident LOL) and I put two and two together and confronted him. He admitted to it, from the date in the girls bio (lol) they’ve been together for 9 months. We were together for about 3 years. He knew her before he knew me, didn’t think anything of it - he still insists at the beginning nothing was going on, but flirts & sex happened around 9 months ago. He had a snap streak with her since before we knew each other properly, whatever, didn’t bother me when I saw it.
Anyway, now he’s been cheating with her. Emotionally & physically but she’s still partly LDR I believe - I’m not entirely sure. **She doesn't know he was with me, has no idea of our relationship or my existence.**
He said he’s too scared to break up with her because she’s suicidal, self-harms, gets very upset with him (i.e. he claims he was forced to do the Instagram profile pic thing because otherwise she got upset and would cut) and she takes anger out on him. Issues with drugs & alcohol, parents drug addicts so not a supportive homelife. He is kind of therapist-esque for her I think? Supports her and whatever. We talked for about an hour after I confronted him which is why I know all this.
Classic cheater caught scenario - crying, apologising. The kicker was when I said break up with her and block her - it's unhealthy for you and unfair for her; she needs professional mental health help which you can't provide and you're screwing with your own sanity. Refused, said she'd kill herself and he couldn't deal with that on his conscience. I was like I'll DM her then and tell her if he is too chicken to, "please don't she'll kill herself". I think he genuinely worries about her, unsure. I don't know who he is anymore lol.
To make it very clear, he didn't tell me he was cheating. Repeatedly reassured me he could never cheat, loved me, reassuring & kind. Blah blah. I worked out he was cheating for myself through a convinent phone call which he panic swiped away and then the blessed Instagram algorithm, then I confronted him and he admitted to it. I don't have any resentment towards the other girl at all, because she doesn't know who I am - all blame on my ex in this scenario.
But now I'm dealing with a moral conundrum; do I tell her? The potentially suicidal, depressed, recovering/current drug and alcohol addicted youngish girl, that her boyfriend of at least 9 months (and i'm guessing they've been talking/flirting for longer) had a girlfriend of 3ish years (Feb 2018 til yesterday June 2021). And that he's been lying to her and to me? Or do I not get involved and leave them be.
Again, to make it very clear before anyone jumps down my throat - I'm not trying to be a homewrecker or whatever and ruin her life and his, I just genuinely am concerned that I am morally obliged to tell her?? Because personally, I would've wanted someone to tell me if my boyfriend was cheating. And if the situ was reversed and she had known, I would have wanted her to let me know too. Unsure though with her mental health problems, don't want to be responsible for suicide or anything like that.
Please advise, give your opinions but treat me gently because I found out boyf has been cheating on me for almost a year less than 12 hours ago lol. Thanks!
**TLDR:** Boyfriend of 3 years cheating with someone else, they've been together for 9 months. I broke up with him. She doesn't know I exist. She sounds severely depressed, suicidal and self-harms plus issues with drugs and alcohol. He asked me not to tell her as she would "kill herself". Unsure if I should - moral conundrum. Help.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/nti1h4/update_ldr_boyfriend_m23_cheated_on_me_f20_after/)
I told her. Sent her a long message from my own instagram account (no burners or anything). Lots of empathy and kindness. Told her I was on her side. She asked for proof, sent that through.
Ex texted me 5 mins later with "You did it hey?" (I'd blocked him on all social medias except for phone number). Then he weirdly thanked me; said it was better for his head and mental health now. I did him a favour. Baffled me a little. Sent him a couple harsh text messages explaining it wasn't for him, but for her. She deserved the truth. He apologised again, lol, and then I sent him a final message and blocked.
Girl seemed devestated, not angry at me thankfully as I was scared of her spinning it against me which I don't think I could've handled in my... delicate state lol. Told her I was there for her. Had a little chat, but haven't talked to her since (12hrs ago). Not expecting to continue talking. Dunno if she properly broke up with him, or taking a break since they still follow each other but she changed her profile pic so it's no longer matching and relationship date from her bio is gone. None of my business what happens next, I just hope she's okay and takes the next steps which are healthy for her. No idea if she's suicidal/self-harming - I had that in the long message sent to her that 'he told me you were vulnerable and suffering from depression so I debated sending this msg but I think you deserve the truth'. Inevitably, I think it's better for her to know rather than confide in a liar who is abusing her vulnerability.
Thank you to everyone who replied on the previous post, definitely helped to see other strangers agreeing with sending a message and informing her. If anyone ends up in a similar situ, I hope you never do, but send the message to the unknowing affair partner. It'll relieve your conscience I think, even though you're not in the wrong. That sounds weird, but trust me I know I was the one cheated on and that she was the 'other woman' but it still felt good to tell her what the real truth was, rather than him spinning it against me or never telling her. It's kinda like a final kaboom in my exes face, making sure he can't just go crawling to his other girlfriend now that I broke up with him, and she knew the full truth and can decide what to do next (break up or stay together).
I feel relieved. I have finally stopped feeling nauseated and throwing up. Had my first good nights sleep since I found out. Nothing but bad feelings for the ex. I dunno if it's hate, that's a strong word. I resent what he put me through, and the waste of time, and the lies for such a long time. He's made me unsure of myself and everything he told me, but I have enough self-respect to break-up with him. Miss what I thought we had I think? I dunno. It was all lies I guess. I want him to figure himself out, mature and eventually settle down (not with me). Holding all my resentment against the cheating ex, not affair partner.
The hurt is setting in now. Last couple days it was anger. Now it's just pain lol. Now, can anyone offer post-discovering-your-long-term-partners-been-cheating-on-you-for-almost-a-year advice? I'm not used to not being busy and am having too many thoughts, I just finished final exams so have been studying for months and been busy and now its... nothing. Glad I found out after exams, but not sure what to do now. Advice appreciated.
**TL;DR:** Told the unknowing affair partner via Instagram DMs on my personal account. Long, empathetic message telling her I'm on her side + proof when she asked for it. Ex texted me "you did it hey?" and then thanked me. Blocked his number. She seems sad, unsure if 100% broken up but pfps and date in bio changed. I don't care, not my business. Hope for the best for her. Now I need advice on how to heal, if anyone has any. Thanks. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nvb45i/a_woman_finds_out_her_boyfriend_of_three_years/ | nvb45i | 8,243 | 201 | [
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2021-06-09T02:49:08 | Friend lied that I cheated, boyfriend dumps me & kicks me out but the truth is revealed months later | Relationship_Advice | *This is a repost.* [*The original post*](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ik3n5v/friend_lied_that_i_cheated_boyfriend_dumps_me/) *is by* [u/tomorrowmaybetoday](https://www.reddit.com/user/tomorrowmaybetoday/)*.*
&#x200B;
Please bear with me, this is a long story.
I (26f) was with my ex boyfriend (26m) for 4 years. We moved in after 2 years of dating and were genuinely happy. I genuinely thought that I was going to marry him one day. I even moved to a different country to stay with him when his job relocated him to Europe.
Throughout our relationship I noticed that one of his girl friends (25f) didn’t really like me. I’ve tried many times to befriend her but I gave up after constantly being on the receiving end of her cold shoulder and snarky remarks. Ex knew about this and told me that she didn’t have that many girl friends and probably didn’t know how to be friends with another woman. She’s the only woman in their clique of 7 guys, who were all lovely to me.
On the 31st of December 2019, both of us attended a party to celebrate New Years. I don’t drink so I was completely sober. Ex got completely smashed. The next afternoon I woke up to my stuff packed and him telling me that we were done and that I had to move out. I was completely blindsided and so confused. He accused me of cheating on him. I would never do that. I think it’s such a terrible thing to do. I remember crying so hard and telling him that I did no such thing but he still kicked me out.
My best friend and her boyfriend, without hesitation, opened up their home to me and told me that I was welcome to stay. Bless their hearts. They’re the sweetest couple ever. During that dark period of time, I was trying to process everything. I was honestly so depressed. I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep. I felt like a zombie, like I was barely existing. I told my family what had happened and they were very upset for me and wanted me to fly back home. They live in a different country and I didn’t want to travel during a pandemic and potentially put them at risk of catching miss ronas.
While this was happening, all of our mutual friends and his family members turned against me. Choosing to believe that I was a cheater and completely cut me off in support of my ex. They posted shady stuff about me online, calling me a ho and a cheater. Rumors started to spread and it affected me so much that I deleted all social media and blocked all of them everywhere. I just wanted to disappear.
As time went on, I was one day introduced to one of my best friend’s friend. He was really sweet and kind. We slowly became friends, started chatting and video calling. Fast forward to June and I feel myself slowly falling in love with him. He doesn’t believe what so many people say about me being a cheater and what not. He asks me out on a proper virtual date and I agree. We started dating and I’m so happy. I feel like he is the light at the end of my tunnel.
Well yesterday, someone from my ex’s clique leaked a video on Instagram where ex’s girl friend was boasting of how she lied and came up with this plan to break ex and I up. She apparently paid someone to lie to my ex and tell him that I seduced him at the new year’s party and slept with him. Once that came out a lot of my ex’s friends and family members have been trying to contact me. They tried contacting my best friend who basically told them to F off. My ex came to the house and was begging for me to speak to him. It was really dramatic lol.
I feel like I don’t owe them any of my time at all and just want them to leave me alone. However, my parents think that it’s a little sad that ex is outside the house crying and begging to speak to me. They think that maybe I should give him a chance to speak to me. I feel really conflicted. I feel like I’m being too harsh on him and his group of friends. Should I establish a line of communication? What should I do?
&#x200B;
*Small Update* (it's included in the original post)
Update: Hello everybody! I posted an update but I deleted it after a few people created accounts pretending to be my friend or family of my ex. That was weird.
I think the update is somewhere floating in the comments. Thank u everyone for your kind messages and comments.
I’m trying to reply to everyone slowly. It just kind of freaks me out to get messages telling me to kill myself. Which to me is so unnecessary???? I wish this was fake but it’s not.
Also, girl friend has lost her job and has said that she’s going to “deal with me”. I’ve taken everything and gone to the police. I’ve also sent my friends all the evidence in case something bad happens. So there’s that.
&#x200B;
[*Full Update*](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ilctpi/update_friend_lied_that_i_cheated_boyfriend_dumps/g3r4ryi/?context=3) (The post was deleted)
Hello, I am back with an update.
But before that I just want to say thank you to everybody who left nice comments. A few of y’all were telling me to kill myself. I am disappointed but not surprised. Anyway, for someone who has had a bad relationship with social media, it really touched my heart to have so many strangers say nice things to me for a change. I just wanted to let you know that I really appreciate it. Also the post received multiple awards?! Thank u for those!!!!
So many people have also messaged me telling me that this has happened to them before and I’m trying to reply all the messages as quickly as I can. Please be patient with me.
My ex returned a few hours later that day to try to speak to me again so I decided to meet him at a café nearby. I told him he had 30 mins to say what he wanted to and then I would leave, regardless of whether he said all that he wanted to or not.
I learnt that he was cheating on me with the girl friend and they started seeing each other 5-6 months before our relationship ended. His whole clique knew about it and since majority of them worked in the same building, they could cover and vouch for the two of them whenever they were together. He didn’t know who to choose out of the two of us as he said that he really loved me, but liked her. She was also saying horrible things about me to him all the time, poisoning his mind, which was why he was so quick to believe the boy and her.
As for the paying a boy to lie to him part, he told me he practically screamed at her for an explanation of the videos and she broke down crying and told him everything. At the party, she paid a boy from uni (idk where she found this boy and how he got into the party) $200 and 2 bottles of vodka for him to lie to my ex. Apparently she kept saying to him, “see I told you she’s cheating! He’s admitting it to you”. He was so upset and didn’t know what to do. She told him that she’ll help him “pack my shit” so he could “finally kick that ho out”. They both decided to just behave as though nothing had happened so I would be so surprised when he kicked me out. According to him, he wanted me to feel the same amount of betrayal he felt.
She had a spare key to our apartment that I didn’t know about, so she snuck in when we were sleeping, packed my stuff into garbage bags and snuck out by the time he woke up. We turned our extra room into a walk in closet, which is how I think that was even possible because I didn’t hear any noise at all. I am a heavy sleeper too which could explain this but I still feel like something’s off about this. (Note: she moved in the very next day)
He then proceeds to say that he doesn’t want her anymore and he wants to get back together. He says that we can move away and start over. He’ll do anything I want and go anywhere I want to. He’ll spend the rest of his life doing whatever it takes for me to love him again.
Once he was done I told him what you guys have been saying in the comments. He sure has the audacity to show his face after everything he has done to me. I chose to forgive him and am at peace with myself, but he will have to live with what he has done and the aftermath of everything for a really long time. This is especially so with many people knowing the truth. I told him I didn’t love him anymore and want nothing to do with him, his family or friends anymore. As far as I am concerned they’re all dead to me. I told him to never contact me again because I’m moving on with my life and I’m finally happy. He started crying a little and I left.
Since the video on Instagram spread to all of his friends and family members, the crazy girl friend sent me emails with words in all caps about how I’ve ruined her life. She somehow thinks I’m responsible for the spread of the videos.. So I sent the videos, screenshot of the emails and a short explanation of everything to her bosses and her family members. Hope they have a field day with that.
As for my parents, they really loved him a lot and would constantly ask us when we were getting married when we were together. That’s why they wanted me to give him another chance and hear him out. I reiterated to them everything that he did to me and even showed them the videos only for me to get a response of, well men cheat and a “he loved u so he didn’t break up with u. It’s okay you guys can work through this.” I then proceeded to ask them if my dad is cheating on my mom and if my mom just accepts if my dad sleeps around because that thought process was absolutely outrageous. I got yelled at for being rude so I told them that I would be going no contact for the next few months.
Well, that’s all the updates I have so far. I'm glad that I’m finally happy and will continue living my peaceful life with my friends and my boyfriend. Hope u all stay safe during this pandemic. | SomaliMN | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nvlfwb/friend_lied_that_i_cheated_boyfriend_dumps_me/ | nvlfwb | 9,721 | 643 | [
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2021-06-09T04:40:15 | These kinds of updates are my favourite - "WIBTA if I told my brother that I know about his sexual preference?" /r/amitheasshole | AITA | ***Original:*** [***WIBTA if I told my brother that I know about his sexual preference?***](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gkg4rc/wibta_if_i_told_my_brother_that_i_know_about_his/) ***Posted in*** /r/amitheasshole
I am a 24-year-old straight male and my brother is 17 years old. We grew up in a deeply Catholic household, so our parents are very...ummm...traditional. It came to a point where when I was watching Game of Thrones and there was a gay sex scene, my dad asserted that we never watch that show again.
Fast forward to yesterday. My brother usually borrows my iPad to do some schoolwork. He naturally used a messaging app to talk with his classmates, but he often forgets to log out (no biggie, I just log it out when it's my turn to use it). However, last night, I saw a notification I didn't mean to read. It said, "good night, babe!" followed by kiss and heart emojis.
This was from a guy who we thought was just his best friend.
Now I know he could be gay or bi or whatever, and I don't have any problems with that. I also respect his privacy, and I totally understand that I should not out him if he's not yet ready.
However, with all the news about the mental health of teenagers lately, I'm afraid of what keeping this to himself would do to him. Also, because of my parents' disposition about these things, I'm afraid that my brother won't ever have the courage or be comfortable enough to ever open up to us.
I just want him to know that he has an ally in me and that I'll love him no matter what.
We're a close family, but we're not vocal about emotional things. I've never said "I love you" to anyone at home, we just know it. That's why no matter how subtle or casual I try to talk to him about this, it would surely be a big moment for us and he might just feel really unsafe and/or uncomfortable.
So, WIBTA if I told him I know about his sexual preference?
EDIT: I apologize for using "preference." I admit that I am not well-versed in this matter, and I've just started reading up on how to handle this carefully and sensitively.
***Update:*** [***My brother came out to me!***](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gunbpp/update_my_brother_came_out_to_me/)
Many people messaged me asking for an update, so here it is.
So, most of you told me that I should just voice out my support for the LGBT community instead of directly talking to my brother about his sexuality. This was very helpful as I did not want him to feel pressured to come out.
When I wrote my original post, I was already watching Schitt's Creek, which had non-straight main characters. This was really convenient because I could simply say remarks like "Awww, they make a really nice couple" and "Wow, I wish my relationship with my gf was like that."
I also asked my bro about Pride month (he has been going to marches as an ally for the past few years with his out friends). I asked him "Hey, what's their plan for Pride month during quarantine? Too bad they can't hold the march, I was thinking of joining."
I didn't really know how to be subtle, okay.
When our parents went grocery shopping last weekend, that's when he told me. "You already know, don't you?" I knew what he was asking but I tried to play dumb. "You know, that I'm gay, right?"
I just said yes, told him about the iPad incident, and hugged him. He cried and asked me not to tell our parents, which of course I agreed to. He then asked if this changes anything between us, to which I replied "Of course, now you have to give me better fashion advice!" (I make jokes when I'm emotional, okay)
I told him he has my support no matter what, and that I can help him come out to our parents when he's ready. I also told him that he and his boyfriend (which he confirmed) are a great couple, then I reminded him that they should always be "safe" (Giving sex advice to my brother was VERY awkward).
That's it. He's still annoying as hell, because, you know, he's my brother, but I've never seen him happier, and I can really feel that a burden has been lifted off his shoulders.
Thanks, everyone!
EDIT: I just realized that it's now June! HAPPY PRIDE MONTH, EVERYONE!
EDIT2: Wow, this kinda blew up! I was just doing what any caring brother would do, and I'm glad it has a positive effect on other people. I was raised with values to love and accept everyone, regardless of gender/sexuality, so that will never change especially for my bro. Again, thank you for the overwhelming support! | almostselfrealised | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nvndkb/these_kinds_of_updates_are_my_favourite_wibta_if/ | nvndkb | 4,492 | 218 | [
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2021-06-09T13:24:00 | AITA for mocking my friend about her failed effort to set me up with someone? | AITA | I hope I did this right.
[Original ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n3q9ai/aita_for_mocking_my_friend_about_her_failed/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) by [Firm_Ninja_4603](https://www.reddit.com/u/Firm_Ninja_4603/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
AITA for mocking my friend about her failed effort to set me up with someone?
Okay. I (27M) am single and bi. My friend is a person who loves to set people up and she is generally very good at it. She introduced me to a friend of hers. This girl was funny, smart and hot. we hit it off and we were talking to each other a lot, sharing memes and flirting. Things started going down hill when she send me a video of about athlete and I joked that I had a crush on him in the past.
She took some time to reply to that and then asked me some uncomfortable questions about my sexuality. She asked me if had been with a man, She asked me about my sexual experiences with men and some more questions along that line. I answered them mostly because some people are curious and open about sex and that is fine but after that our communication slowed to a crawl and I got the message that she was not interested and stopped talking to her. I told my friend about this and she just shrugged and said that sucks.
A few of my friend circle met up for a brunch last Sunday and we were talking and having fun and in the midst of a conversation she was playfully boasting about her ability to set people up. I said "Yeah sure, So skilled that you set me up with a homophobic woman. " I was teasing her but I think she took it personally and she stopped laughing. She defended her friend by saying that she was not open minded enough right now and then became very quiet. Which is totally not her. it kinda killed the vibe.
My friends think she feel guilty about this and I shouldn't have brought it up. I do feel a bit guilty as I am sure she would never have done this if she had know that her friend would not be cool with bi guys. I am not really cut up about the relation not working out and I am kind of used to it so I feel guilty about ruining her day over something that didn't really matter to me.
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nvipvt/update_aita_for_mocking_my_friend_about_her/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Update: AITA for mocking my friend about her failed effort to set me up with someone?
I got a lot of responses to my post, way more than I expected and even though I was judged NTA I found a lot of varied response. I guess, what I was realized was that I was upset with her reaction than the failed set up. Dates fail all the time. it is not a big deal.
Anyway, I talked to her about it. I explained to her that I wasn't really bothered by it and I didn't blame her for it. I did talk about her weird response and how that had hurt me a little. She apologized for that and told me that she realized she had feelings for me and she felt great when the set up failed and it took her some time to get that it had not a pleasant experience for me and she behaved a bit like an idiot ( her words not mine. lol)
we decided to go a few dates and see if their was any chemistry and we had our first 'date' two weeks ago. it was just dinner at my place and some wine after her shift at the hospital. It was great. I feel really comfortable with her. I don't it know how to describe it but it feels like instead of starting a new relationship, we just added more routines and activities to our old ones and it feels like not much has changed at all expect that what has changed has makes us happier. Okay, I should stop trying to jinx it. Things worked out. (for now) | CasTheMagicDragon | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nvvv6j/aita_for_mocking_my_friend_about_her_failed/ | nvvv6j | 3,845 | 262 | [
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2021-06-09T13:38:03 | I was an accident and after years of negligence, I told my family I wished they had aborted me or given me up for adoption. | Relationship_Advice | [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/nv01hu/i_was_an_accident_and_after_years_of_negligence_i/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf) by u/throwRA8519
posted in r/relationship_advice
I was basically an accident. When I was born my siblings were 16m, 18m, 18f, 20f, 23f and my parents were both 46. I was never abused in my childhood but I was neglected and my entire family resented me. My parents didn’t really think that they would get pregnant again but here we are. I was never really looked after for by anyone and basically had to raise myself, no one ever really spent any time with me or played with me or anything when I was a kid. They didn’t ever buy anything significant for me, just handed my siblings clothes and things. I realized this as I got older so I focused on myself, my thought process at the time was that there was something wrong with me because my siblings were loved by them, so if I improved myself and did things for them, maybe then they would accept me and love me. I always got the best grades in school, my father was a football enthusiast and played in high school but I was a basketball lover but I still dropped it and took up football just to make him proud. I make sure I did all my chores readily, always kept my room clean, but nothing I did was ever enough for them, like for example if I was first in class, my parents would ask me why didn’t I get a higher score, they ignored the percentile but focused on the percentage, and things like that, my siblings or parents never even bothered to show up for a single game. I was never appreciated for what I was, only detested me for what I wasn’t. My siblings also did not allow me to hang out with them at any time at all.
We celebrated my fathers birthday yesterday, I am 16 today. My siblings do not live with us anymore and my mother had to leave early and would not return till later in the evening, so it was just me and him for the day, so I decided to serve him breakfast in his bed just as he woke up (I cooked) and bought him a tie for a present (I know its not the best present but I was on a budget), nothing too extravagant cause I want to save as much money as possible for college, but it was definitely a smart one. I also cooked lunch for us and took care of all the chores. The most he could come up with was a pathetic thank you and it was clear he wanted me to leave him alone so I did just that. We all went out (siblings included) to a dinner and the way these would go is that they would all have a good time and I would just sit in the corner, this is the case with almost all family dinners we have ever attended.
We went back home and I don’t know why, I really don’t know what triggered it, but for some reason I just started crying all of a sudden, maybe it was them being so happy together, I don’t know, and when they asked me what happened I just blew up at them and told them how I felt about my entire childhood, how they never showed me any kind of love and affection among other things, I don’t know exactly what I said but I do remember I ended it by saying that I wished that they had aborted me if they hate me so much or could have given me up for adoption so they could all live their lives without me. My eldest sister started to say something but I just ran up to my room and closed the door and went to sleep listening to some Hans Zimmer cause they just kept knocking at the door. Early this morning I went out my window and went to a secluded spot that I often go to, usually to play some guitar of just pace around listening to music or just enjoy the sound of nature. I’m sitting down here right now writing this on my phone at 4:30 am and don’t know what do at all.
I’m sorry if I just went out on a rant but this is the first time that I am able to tell my childhood to anyone.
Now how exactly do I tackle this problem, I have pretty much given up on my family and have spent enough of my time trying to please them, do I still try to form any kind of bond with them? Do I completely drop them off? What exactly is the best thing to do here?
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/nvtrz9/update_i_was_an_accident_and_after_years_of/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf)
First of all, I want to thank everyone for the amount of support that you guys have given, it was really overwhelming and I can’t express in words how much that meant to me.
I was reading all the comments and everything till about 11-12, then decided to go home to face the family, I arrived home to quite a melancholic environment. As soon as I arrived the first thing they all did was hug me which honestly surprised me, this was probably the first time in years they were showing me any kind of affection. They had prepared some food for me and after I ate, we all had a talk.
My oldest nephew (2 years younger than me), who often reads posts from this sub saw it and showed it to my sister, they all first of all apologized for the way they treated me. They confirmed that I was an accident and none of them wanted to deal with another baby and I basically fucked up their life plans (they didn’t word it this way). They didn’t really want to do anything with me, so they just started ignoring me because I never seemed to need anything from them, their reasoning was that I was always doing great in life, I always did my chores on time, kept my things neat and clean as a kid, always got good grades, never complained about anything, did great in sports, they just assumed that I never required/wanted anything from them, so they were able to just keep ignoring me and pretend as if I wasn’t there basically. They said that this didn’t justify their behaviour, especially after they read the post, they just wanted to explain their own actions. I just made it easy for them to ignore me. They all asked me to forgive them for alienating me and they said that they would do their best from now own to make me feel as I was a part of the family. They then wanted to go out and celebrate my birthday, but I was just mentally and physically exhausted, so I just went to sleep, woke up in the evening and just ended up playing games for the rest of the night and went back to sleep.
I don’t really know how to feel about this, I thought about it long and hard and decided I’ll try to form some kind of bond with them, if that’s even possible The one thing I’ll do is trying to start to work and live for just myself right now, my priority is getting to college right now and I’ll mainly work towards that. If reconciliation doesn’t work out, at least I have a goal and purpose in life to work towards until I get away from here.
Thank you so much for helping me and supporting me through all this, if you guys have any further questions, please feel free to ask me and once again thank you. | Primary_Aardvark | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nvw5lf/i_was_an_accident_and_after_years_of_negligence_i/ | nvw5lf | 6,928 | 526 | [
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2021-06-09T18:49:40 | This one is so sweet - "AITA for getting frustrated with my mom for being in the kitchen at the same time as me?" | AITA | ***Original -*** [***AITA for getting frustrated with my mom for being in the kitchen at the same time as me?***](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jqdel5/aita_for_getting_frustrated_with_my_mom_for_being/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) ***posted in*** /r/amitheasshole
I (18F) have a super repetitive and predictable routine. Every morning at 9:55, I go into the kitchen to pack my lunch for work.
Every morning at 9:55, my mom decides she absolutely needs to be in the kitchen as well. Emptying the garbage, rearranging stuff in the cupboards, wiping down the counter, whatever. But it's like she waits for me to go to make my lunch and then comes in. The kitchen isn't very big, so she's always bumping into me while I'm cutting stuff up or standing in front of cupboards I need to get into.
I've asked her politely a couple times if she could wait until I'm done (I take 10 minutes, max), but she snapped at me for "ordering her around in her own house."
Yesterday, I was cutting up vegetables and she came in to wash dishes, and ended up bumping into me while I was using the knife. I got a small surface-level cut on my finger. It honestly wasn't bad, but I was so frustrated with her that I snapped and said "Maybe if you didn't insist on being my personal backpack every morning, this wouldn't have happened."
My parents are saying I'm an AH for snapping at her for this, but my sister is siding with me. I feel bad for being rude, but I also think it was partially justified on my end.
AITA?
***Update:*** [***Update: AITA for getting frustrated with my mom for being in the kitchen at the same time as me?***](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jybw2h/update_aita_for_getting_frustrated_with_my_mom/)
I got a much bigger response on my original post than I ever thought I would. A couple hours after I posted it, I realized I left a lot of information out and wanted to clarify some things, as well as provide an update on the situation.
Some people asked if I pay rent or own the house. It's my parents house, and I don't pay rent. I can't afford to move out right now, and my parents don't want to let me move out until after my first year of uni.
Some people also asked if I'm autistic. I have ADHD, which shares a lot of traits with autism. I stick to a strict routine because it's the only way I'm able to remember to do everything I need to in the morning.
A lot of people suggested packing my lunch at a different time, or even the night before. I had tried this before; no matter what time I went into the kitchen, my mom followed. I tried it again a couple times since making the post, and she continued to follow me.
I took the advice of some people who told me to try going into the kitchen as usual, but to leave when my mom got in my way and tell her I'd wait until she was finished. I even made sure the kitchen was spotless the night before. Dishwasher emptied, no dishes in the sink, counters wiped down, and trash emptied. She followed me in, and when I said I'd wait, she said she was done. Almost as soon as I went back in, she followed me in again and claimed she had forgotten to do something.
A lot of people pointed out that she might just want to spend time with me, which I hadn't thought of before. I think that maybe me getting a job, finishing high school, and starting to work towards getting my driver's license made her realize I'm growing up and won't be dependent on her/living at home for much longer. Maybe she just wants to spend as much time with me as she can before I go, or maybe she doesn't feel as "Mom" as she did before.
What finally worked was, after dinner a couple nights ago, asking her to pack some leftovers from dinner in a separate container for me to take for lunch the next day. She seemed really happy that I asked, and didn't follow me into the kitchen the next morning. She even left a sticky note with a smiley face on top of the container! I also asked if she could drive me to work, which gave us the chance to chat and catch up in the car.
I think she just missed feeling like I need her, which I always will. Even though we butt heads sometimes, she'll always be my mom, and I think I just needed to find a way to remind her of that.
I wrote my original post feeling super frustrated at my mom, but I teared up a bit finishing this update. Sending a massive thank you to all the kind people who commented and helped me work this out :) | almostselfrealised | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nw38q3/this_one_is_so_sweet_aita_for_getting_frustrated/ | nw38q3 | 4,480 | 294 | [
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2021-06-09T19:58:30 | A trashy neighbor problem, solved by talking to the real head of the house | LegalAdvice | #*Repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/nuhjrx) by u/dumpster_legal*
([BOLA Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/bestoflegaladvice/comments/nuvsmk/))
>Upstate NY
>The post title is the best TL;DR I could come up with. I know this is a long post, but please read the whole thing if you have time. The details are far more complicated than I can get across in one paragraph and this situation is very quickly approaching disaster status.
>I rented a dumpster to accommodate the waste that will be generated by some landscaping and construction projects I am about to get started. It arrived on Friday. On Saturday night, the guy across the street from me dragged a bunch of large furniture/assorted smaller items out of his garage and tossed them into my dumpster. There's enough shit to have filled roughly three quarters of the dumpster. My security cameras captured the entire thing; I have saved the footage and backed it up.
>The neighbor denied the everything when I told him that he's gotta get his shit out of of my dumpster. He became belligerent and threatening when I mentioned the footage, then slammed the door in my face. His "perspective" is that it's not on his property so it isn't his problem.
>I called the police right after this exchange. The responding officer, while sympathetic to my situation, told me that it's not a law enforcement issue and I'll have to sort it out with my neighbor or take him to civil court.
>Pickups need to be scheduled in advance to have the dumpster emptied, the first of which will be next Monday. The dumpster company is booked solid for pickups through the middle of next week, so rescheduling is not an option. I have to pay for each pickup as well, so I'd be incurring extra costs even if they could come earlier.
>I have contractors starting a project on Wednesday morning, and they will fill the dumpster within a couple of hours of getting started if the neighbor's shit is still in there. The dumpster should have been more than large enough to handle the trash that they'd generate between Wednesday and Friday. I legitimately don't have anywhere to stash this guy's crap without interfering with their work, nor do I have an alternative solution for the waste that they'll create. I am also obligated to provide a dumpster and deal with the waste removal per the terms of our contract.
>If I don't get this figured out by then, I'll have to reschedule with these guys. I know that they're already booked through the summer; I scheduled my job well in advance for just this reason. If I have to reschedule these guys, it will lead to a domino effect - most of the other contractors I have booked will not be able to start their projects till this one is completed. I haven't looked over all of the stuff I've signed and done the math yet, but the money I'd have to eat for canceling/rescheduling these jobs is pretty fucking significant.
>This is in an unincorporated part of the county with no municipal bulk waste pickup. You have to take it to the dump yourself or hire someone to do so, which explains my neighbor's motivation for "borrowing" my dumpster. I'd be happy to get this guy's shit hauled off and just take him to small claims court to recoup whatever I pay to do so, but I've looked into countless options to make this happen and none of them will be able to get it done within the necessary time frame.
>My expenses will be significant enough to take this well outside of small claims territory if it doesn't get sorted ASAP. I'd really, really like to avoid having to take this to regular court because of the time and money involved, but I haven't been able to come up with a solution that will mitigate my expenses enough to do so. The only thing I can think of at this point is tossing this guy's trash in his driveway and hoping that it doesn't wind up starting World War 3. That said, I am not particularly concerned about doing irreparable harm to our relationship. As far as I'm concerned, that ship has sailed.
>I'm really just looking for any suggestions that will lead to this getting squared away before Wednesday morning, so any general advice along those lines would be extremely appreciated. I know I'm supposed to have a specific legal question here, so what kind of consequences might I be looking at if I decide to just toss this asshole's stuff on his driveway/lawn tomorrow?
>Thanks
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/nvw7go)
([BOLA Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/bestoflegaladvice/comments/nvx4mr))
>Hey robot, I'm still in New York.
>The officer who responded to my initial call wound up calling me yesterday morning to ask for an update on the situation. I told him about the contractors coming by later that afternoon and my plan to sue my neighbor to cover the cost. He said he wanted to take another shot at getting this guy to do the right thing, and came by about an hour later.
>The neighbor's wife actually wound up answering the door this time, and it seems like her husband had told her a very different story about the situation. Long story short, she came over to apologize and told me that her husband and son would start clearing their shit out within the hour, and she was true to her word. I called the contractor once the dumpster was nearly empty to let him know everything had been sorted out so he wouldn't have to spare a few guys to deal with it, and he was happy to hear that as well.
>The neighbor's wife actually came by again with a huge plate of homemade cookies as a peace offering a couple of hours later, which was very much appreciated. My parents actually opened up a bakery after my father retired, and my father was already planning on coming up here for the weekend, so he's going to bring a big box of treats for me to give them in return as a "no hard feelings" offering. I'm still not thrilled with this guy's behavior, but his wife is an absolute sweetheart and it looks like the son had sort of been pressed into service by his father. I'd rather maintain a decent relationship with my neighbors.
>As of now I've got a crew of guys working in my garage and absolutely bumping some bachata, which makes me feel like I'm back home in the Bronx but with a much bigger backyard. All in all it seems like things have been completely (and amicably) resolved. Thank you to everyone who commented on my original post with suggestions! | PyroDesu | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nw4tv9/a_trashy_neighbor_problem_solved_by_talking_to/ | nw4tv9 | 6,491 | 222 | [
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2021-06-10T00:52:39 | OP's boyfriend's litter sister really really likes OP. OP just wants some time with her boyfriend. In the end, OP manages to get kicked out of little sister's room! Happy / Sweet / Adorable update | Relationship_Advice | *This is a repost. Original by* [*u/ThrowRArock\_city*](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRArock_city/) *in* r/relationship_advice
[My (17F) boyfriend’s sister thinks I’m her best friend and the whole family thinks it’s adorable. I do not, and am struggling with how to tell them that it’s unhealthy for all of us.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/nonmfs/my_17f_boyfriends_sister_10f_thinks_im_her_best/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
My boyfriend (17M) and I have been officially together for about a month, but we’ve been friends for most of our lives. Our families know each other well. My post history gives a bit of context, but long story short: my mom and I don’t get along, so my friends’ houses are my “safe spaces.” My boyfriend’s mom practically adopted me after my last fight with my mom.
My boyfriend has a 10-year-old sister who I love. She’s funny and quirky and will literally talk to anyone about anything. Whenever I come over, she stops what she’s doing to come find me and will tell me every little detail of her day. I think it’s great that she feels comfortable with me and I’d like to bond with her a little bit, seeing as she’s the only girl and the youngest of four.
Lately, it gets to the point where my bf walks away and tells me where he’ll be when we’re done with our “girl time.” Meanwhile, I’ve been trying to pull away from her for several minutes. To give an idea of what it’s like: we were wrapping up a conversation about her school day when she blurts out “so when did you get your first period? I haven’t gotten mine yet and I’m so scared.” So I can’t just...like, walk away from that, because that will hurt her, and she’ll remember.
I politely addressed it with my boyfriend and his mother, but it backfired. After saying that I appreciated little sister, but (was going to say I needed space, but she cut me off), his mom said “she just loves you and always asks when you’re coming over!” And I told my boyfriend that I was upset that it was pulling my attention away from him, but he said “I’m happy that she finally has someone to talk to, and I’m really glad that it’s you.”
Like, what? I didn’t sign on for this. I only get to see my bf a few times per week and only at his house (my home is too dysfunctional for guests), so it’s not like we can go anywhere else for our alone time. She’s ALWAYS THERE. Don’t get me wrong, I adore this child and want to give her some sisterly love, but she taps me out and I don’t want to disappoint her or the family. They’ve been really good to me and I don’t want to seem ungrateful.
ETA: little sister doesn’t have company because the family lives pretty far from everyone else. She doesn’t get to walk/bike to people’s houses or anything, so a lot of times she’ll just get left out.
\-----------------------------------------
*In the* [comments](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/nonmfs/my_17f_boyfriends_sister_10f_thinks_im_her_best/h01il6s?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)*, OP explains why the sister is so lonely:*
Thanks for mentioning that it would be expected for any boy at this age to be upset with his sister. That’s what I thought at first, too. We talked about it a little more and he said he’s extremely concerned about her social development because she doesn’t have any friends she typically hangs out with. I told him that 1. it’s not my responsibility to fix that for her, and 2. she never has anyone over because they live on a huge property on the edge of town, far away from anyone at her school. He never thought about it that way and is going to talk to his parents about it.
Other than that, I think it’s incredibly sweet that he cares about his little sister so much. She doesn’t need me looking out for her when she’s got him. :)
\-----------------------------------------
[UPDATE:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/nw8vsz/update_my_17f_boyfriends_sister_thinks_im_her/)
I’m so grateful for Reddit, truly. So many commenters have such helpful solutions that I didn’t even think about! I used them and everything went well. To summarize…
The next time I went over to bf’s house, his sister was a little less excited to see me, maybe because she’s getting used to me now. She did end up chatting my ear off in the living room, so I asked her to take me somewhere in the house and show me something special (just so I could get her attention away from everyone else). We got to another room and I told her “hey Taylor, I have a great idea for you, tell me what you think.”
Then I told her that I loved our conversations and our time together, but wouldn’t it be fun if we set aside some time for the two of us? She could write down everything she wanted to talk about before I came over, then we’d have 15 minutes to get through as much of the list as we could. She thought it was the COOLEST THING EVER.
The next time I went over, she had her list all ready. She wrote in rainbow marker and put stickers all over it. IT WAS SO ADORABLE. I set my phone’s timer for 15 minutes and as soon as we got to zero, she practically kicked me out of her room. She said “go see my brother now. You make him really happy and it’s my favorite when he’s happy.”
So that was a success. I so appreciate everyone’s comments. <3 | Im_your_life | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nwb0jn/ops_boyfriends_litter_sister_really_really_likes/ | nwb0jn | 5,368 | 976 | [
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2021-06-10T21:17:47 | I love it when adults come together in the kid's best interest - "WIBTA if I give my stepson a birthday gift?" | AITA | ***Original:*** [***WIBTA if I still give my stepson the birthday gift I bought for him despite his mother asking me to hold it off for a month because she knows my gift my upstage hers and she wants to see him enjoy her gift first***](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cyadgx/wibta_if_i_still_give_my_stepson_the_birthday/)***?*** ***Posted in*** /r/amitheasshole
My husband Joe and I have been married for a few years. He has a teenage son, Jack, with his ex-wife Kim. Joe and I have a great relationship with Jack, who lives with us half of the time, and we are civil with Kim.
For a couple of years now, Jack has been into a sport that I am also into, and last year he decided to train in that sport seriously. He has been doing very well so as a reward and to encourage him further I decided that for his birthday this month, I would buy him an important ‘equipment’ used in our sport. He has always wanted to own one himself and if things go well it will be with him for the next ten years so I know he will be very happy with it.
Yesterday Kim called me and told me what gift she will be getting Jack (we do this now to avoid getting him the same gift, which has happened before). I told her that I got Jack the equipment for our sport. She was quiet for a while and then asked me if I could get another gift for Jack’s birthday and just give him the equipment in October.
Kim said that she knows Jack will absolutely love my gift, so if he gets my gift and her gift at the same time, her gift will be upstaged by mine and all of Jack’s attention will be on my gift. She said she has been saving for Jack’s gift for a while so she would like to see him be happy and thrilled about her gift, and that is not likely to happen if Jack receives our gifts at the same time.
I understand where Kim is coming from, but to me it doesn't seem right to treat giving gifts to Jack as a competition for his attention or affections that we have to resort to ‘taking turns’. Why can’t we both give him our gifts and make him as happy as he could be on his birthday, a day that it supposed to be about him and not about us?
\---
*Some great comments:*
[WebbieVanderquack](https://www.reddit.com/user/WebbieVanderquack/) **His Holiness the Poop \[1223\]** [1 year ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cyadgx/wibta_if_i_still_give_my_stepson_the_birthday/eyqmqjn/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) 📷📷
NAH. I'll probably be downvoted for this, but I can actually understand her feeling a bit heartbroken that she's scrimped and saved for a gift and now his stepmom's bought him something that sounds fairly expensive, and so impressive that it will leave hers in the dust. I don't think you need to wait until October, and you certainly don't have to get him another gift, but just to compromise, could you tell your stepson that you'll give it to him the day after his birthday?
*Reply:* [**bayhanoverians**](https://www.reddit.com/user/bayhanoverians/) [1 year ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/cyadgx/wibta_if_i_still_give_my_stepson_the_birthday/eyqsq9i/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) 📷📷
Thanks. One of Joe's favourite sayings is that sometimes it's better to be kind than to be right and reading your answer, I think this is one of those times. Another commenter suggested waiting a week so Jack has a weekend to enjoy Kim's gift.
\---
***Update:*** [***Update - WIBTA if I still give my stepson the birthday gift I bought for him despite his mother asking me to hold it off for a month because she knows my gift will upstage hers and she wants to see him enjoy her gift first?***](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/de46pf/update_wibta_if_i_still_give_my_stepson_the/)
Jack celebrated his birthday in September, and as many of you suggested, I told him that I'm sorry but my gift for him was shipped late and would be arriving in two weeks. That way it didn't look like Kim made me do it, and the two of them had time to enjoy Kim's gift.
Kim thanked me for understanding her situation and said she is grateful that I was gracious about her request even though we don't have the best relationship. It's flattering to read that so many of you think that Joe and I are good people, but of course we aren't perfect and it took a lot of time for us to be in a civil place with Kim. It was humbling for Kim to ask me what she did and it also took a lot for me to let her have it. Hopefully this is the beginning of a better relationship for the three of us.
For those who are asking, I didn't put a lot of specific details in my post because I wanted to minimize the risk of being identified by someone I know in real life who might also be participating in this forum. But since a commenter in my original post already figured it out, yes, I bought Jack a horse. My family has a horse farm so 'where can you hide a horse for two weeks' is thankfully not a problem.
Jack already met his new partner last week and he is very happy with him!
Thank you all for your comments and I wish everyone the best. | almostselfrealised | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nwyskx/i_love_it_when_adults_come_together_in_the_kids/ | nwyskx | 5,116 | 486 | [
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2021-06-11T10:15:44 | I'm not crying, you're crying - "AITA for wanting to bring the partner of my brother to his funeral?" | AITA | ***Original:*** [***AITA for wanting to bring the partner of my brother to his funeral?***](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hejlns/aita_for_wanting_to_bring_the_partner_of_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) ***Posted in*** /r/amitheasshole
A little over a month ago, my little brother who was 26 passed away in a motorcycle accident. His death was so sudden and its hit my family very hard. I honestly still can’t believe it.
With covid and now this unexpected loss, we had no idea how to organize a funeral while dealing with our grief. My brother always said he wanted to be cremated when he died so at least we were able to honor his wish.
It also made it a little easier to take our time to plan a proper service for him without worrying about his body.
The week my brother passed, I drove to his apartment to pick up some of his stuff and met his roommate (I’ll call him M), who my sister already told the news. Only I came to find out M was more than that. He was my brother’s boyfriend of 5 years. He was so heartbroken and upset he didn’t even try to hide the fact that they were a couple.
While I was a bit surprised, I had my suspicion growing up that he might like guys. But I never said anything. Being his older brother and all, I figured he’d come to me when he was ready. I wound up staying for hours talking to M about my brother and going through photos.
Since then I kept contact with him to see how he’s coping and I started visiting a lot just so we both had someone to talk to. He’s a great guy and I’m really happy my brother found someone like him to spend his years with. Having these talks with M have also made me feel a lot closer to my brother again.
My brother distanced himself from our family at 18 and didn’t keep much contact with anyone; even me despite us being as close as two brothers can be. Which looking back now, I guess I can see why.
My family was finally able to organize a proper funeral service for my brother. The service is scheduled for this Friday. We’re still limited on how many people can be there so only close family will be attending and it’ll be live-streamed for everyone else.
I really think M should be at the funeral. He just lost the love of his life and he really wants to be there too. We decided to tell my parents he’s a really close friend of my brother’s. My sister, who apparently knew about them flipped when she found out.
She told me not to bring M because our parents will question who he is and it might expose the truth about my brother being gay since they never met him before.
We argued over this and she pretty much thinks I’d be an asshole for letting M possibly face ridicule from our family if they found out who he was. (they’re all close minded)
And also a terrible son if i upset my parents over my brother being gay while they’re still grieving him. This is all IF they find out. I don’t know if they will but it still doesn’t seem fair to not let M be there when he was such an important person in my brother’s life.
I feel like it’s only right to bring him but maybe I’m letting my emotions get the best of me and maybe someone with a different perspective can tell me. AITA?
UPDATE: THANK YOU so much to everyone for your support and assuring me we’re doing the right thing here. I know I won’t be able to reply to every single comment so just wanted to express my gratitude.
Also I did want to say since people keep telling me to warn M about my family. He is well aware of how they are since my brother told him all about them and knows what he might be dealing with if anyone finds out. He still made the choice to be there and prefers being introduced as only my brother’s best friend. Not because of my family’s homophobic views, but because he wants peace for himself at the funeral. If anyone does find out though, he won’t be alone. I’ll be standing by his side so anybody wanting to cause problems will be dealing with me.
So please don’t worry. I won’t let anyone ruin this last chance for us to say goodbye to my dear baby brother.
***Update:*** [***UPDATE- AITA for wanting to bring the partner of my brother to his funeral?***](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ie7x4f/update_aita_for_wanting_to_bring_the_partner_of/)
M went to the funeral and I introduced him to everyone as my brother’s roommate and best friend. My sister was visibly bothered but she didn’t say anything. As expected, everyone including my parents were too upset to think about him being there and were still welcoming towards him. They didn’t speculate or react the way my sister thought they would. I knew they wouldn’t. We were all focused on my brother.
It was a beautiful service. I’m glad M was a part of this and that my brother got a proper send off. It was very difficult and it hurt so much to say goodbye. I really hope we did right by my brother and it was how he would’ve wanted it.
Thank you to whoever suggested an urn necklace that M could keep some of my brother’s ashes in. I brought this up to him and asked if that was something he wanted. I was going to get part for myself while my parents kept most of it. And then I would just split the ashes with M.
M didn’t know that was a thing but said he liked that idea. He got himself a beautiful pendant to keep the ashes in and he really loves it so thanks again to the person who commented this! It was a lovely suggestion and it means so much to him to have a piece of my brother with him at all times.
I have still kept contact with M since the funeral. He’s stopped by a couple times and has finally met my wife and daughter. I also try to see him when I have the chance just to make sure he’s okay. This has understandably taken a huge toll on him. He told me he’s started talking to someone to help cope with the grief, which I think is great.
I myself had a bit of a wake up call that therapy was something I very much needed right away. My wife brought it to my attention that our 5 year old has noticed I’ve stopped eating and now she doesn’t want to either unless I do.
Don’t know I guess I haven’t been able to eat because I feel like I don’t deserve it if that makes any sense.
It hit me that what I’m going through was starting to affect my family so I’m currently looking up grief counseling in my area. I’ve also made an effort to eat more in front of my daughter so she knows that I’m fine and it’s okay to eat, hiding the fact that it still makes me sick to my stomach.
Things are still rough and wounds are yet to heal but we’re all surviving. Thank you everyone for all your kindness and support. It was very reassuring to know that this was the right thing and M deserved to be there. Thinking back now, it should’ve been a no brainer but emotions were high and it was better to get an outsiders perspective. I appreciate everyone’s input and I hope you all have a wonderful day! | almostselfrealised | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nxcjuc/im_not_crying_youre_crying_aita_for_wanting_to/ | nxcjuc | 6,925 | 496 | [
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2021-06-11T17:06:07 | The famous entitled sister and amazing OP. | r/entitledparents | All these posts can be found on the users page:
https://www.reddit.com/user/paperweightfairy/posts/
I would like to link to every post, but some were deleted and uploaded. This is my favourite Reddit update.
First post:
Part 1
My fiancée and I have been together for 8 years and engaged for 3. I was doing my PhD program and was juggling planning the wedding. My fiancée took much of that work, but it was perfect because our dream venue was booked till after my graduation. So what we did is book our dream venue 3 years in advance. It is really a beautiful venue. The only slot we got was September of this year. My sister got engaged a few months ago to her fiancée. They were planning on having a spring wedding next year. They had no venue lined up, but had a few vendors lined up as well as a set date.
Yesterday our parents invited us and our SO`s to a family bbq, where my sister announced to our extended family, that she is expecting. Everyone was so happy for her and my BIL (who is a great guy). My Nan asked my sister if the wedding was still on the set date or if they were going to wait, because of the baby She said no that she hoped to move it to September. NBD. We don't have many out of town guest so they could attend to both weddings no problem. Nan was happy and asked sister if she needed help planning such a short notice wedding.
My sister then turns around and said "That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. I was really really hoping we could kinda like take your venue ? I really can not stress myself too much with planning a wedding while going to maternity classes. And I think it is so beautiful! It would really mean a lot to me".
It went silent. But everyone was looking at me expecting me to say: "yes of course everything for my little sister!". My BIL looked very uncomfortable and told her that they had talked about this and that it was not okay to put me on the spot. But my sister just said " *Don't be like that! My sister wants to do what’s best for me so its no big deal right?"*I just said "well it kind of is. I don't know. I have my heart really set on the venue". Cue the crying. She stormed off. Nan told me that I was being selfish because she needed the venue more than I did.
I tried to defend myself and my mother said " you waited 3 years. Would it have killed you to wait a few more months? When has your sister ever asked you for something?" A few comments later my fiancé got really mad and we left. My sister called me crying and said that it was unfair that I always get what I want and that I could have done this one thing for her. Dad said it is just a venue and what matters is the person who you are marrying. He is kind of right... but we have been planning for so long.
My fiancé is furious with my family and doesn't even want my sister to come. Now my family is threatening not to come because I am being selfish and my sister needs it more than me because having a baby is too stressful.
Part 2
My BIL called me and apologized for the inconvenience. He told me he had discussed it with my sister and she had told him she would not ask. He is properly mad with her now and warned me that my sister is blaming me for "potentially ruining her marriage".
My father has sent me about 5 text along the lines of "I hope you are happy your sister hasn't stopped crying since yesterday" And so on and so on. My fiancé and I have decided to boot my sister from the bridal party and replace her with my aunt who is the only family member that took my side. We have not decided whether or not we will invite my family as a whole. Furthermore my mom took it upon her to tell on us. She called fiancés parents and told them, that it would be best if my sister gets it because she is pregnant and pre-eclampsia runs in the family. Whatever that means.
My future father in law told them to fuck off and basically ripped my Mom a new one for expecting something so ridiculous and that they were going to lose me if they keep playing favorites. So my mom is now crying too and saying that my father in law is an ass. This is just getting so pathetic. It seems straight out of a bad soap opera. My in laws are driving to us currently with some supper and wine and basically told me to not worry and that no matter what happens that they will be my safety net. I cried of happiness
Part 3
So it hasn't been that long. But this post blew the hell up. I was expecting only a few answers but the support was overwhelming. What boggled my mind is that this story flooded over to mainstream media. But let's get to the story. So since this went viral a lot happened.
My Sister
My sister saw this story while browsing on her reddit acc. She lost her mind. She accused me of painting her like a looney and misinterpreting facts. (Info: My sister got wind of the situation due to various Media outlets and went on reddit )
She said that I was being unfair. That she is family and that she asked it nicely because she loves me. She also underlines the fact that the opinion of internet strangers doesn't count because family is more important and I should focus on making my family happy. The only text I sent back was this.
*I am sorry that you perceived it that way. I did not in any matter distort what happened. As you might notice I didn't describe your tone nor exaggerated anything. Perhaps you have that night different in your mind than I do, but I digress.
I am sick and tired to bending to your will. My whole life I have been your servant and your doormat. Remember all the birthdays I had to share with you because you would throw a tantrum because you didn't get presents? Or when you cried so that I would fill out job applications for you? But the thing that has hurt me most till now is when you ruined my graduation.
I am done. I admit that I also spoiled you but I will not any longer. If you want to marry so bad before your baby is born then you could look at [hotel x] that offers last minute weddings. I have spent too much time planning MY wedding to gift it to you. And if you want to ruin our relationship over this then go ahead. I will sleep sound and safe knowing that it wasn't my fault.*
She only sent me a wow.... You must love me so very much
And blocked me. She unblocked me this morning to sent me this
*Wedding planner : Hello dear, I got the message from your mother and will proceed with the rebooking of the venue on the spot . However this will have extra costs as we have to change the names on the contract. Please come by my office tomorrow so we can sign the new contract. / Sister: That’s great ! I'll be there at 9!*
My Parents
My parents haven't actually written me since the thing with my father in law. My older brother (yes I have an older brother but he lives in another city and wasn't at the BBQ, that's why I didn't mention him. Plus he initially could not come to the wedding because of work and changed his plans after hearing about all the story) contacted me and wanted to know what happened because he got a weird story from mom and dad. Mom had told him that I had offered previous to the BBQ to give up the venue to my sister and that I humiliated her.
I told him what really happened and he had no problem believing me. We talked a lot about our parents behavior and he confessed that him moving was partly due to our parents being, and I quote, shit heads to us. He told me that mom had gotten wind from the post and was mad at me for betraying my family. I haven't written my parents what so many of you advised me to because I have to come to terms with the fact that they love my sister more than me (if they love me at all)
The wedding
We sat together and put passwords with majority of our vendors and also with the venue directly. (we didn't talk to our planner yet which is why the text of my sister worries me so much)
Also we canceled the catering that my parents paid for. So short term we won't be able to get a full catering like we wanted to. But all our friends and my fiancés family will help us prepare a buffet (and everyone is going to chip in). That will be our bachelor party. As we will have to spent more on our food now we canceled our bachelor parties and will have a family and friends cooking session.
Thank you again for helping me see how toxic my family is. I will try to sort it out. If they apologize from the bottom of their heart they will be allowed into my wedding but if not... Then well... I still have my brother (who will be walking me down to the aisle) and my aunt.
Part 4
We called my planner and she was actually really horrified. She told me she never had as much as talked to my mother since the day we went to book the venue. She assured me that even if they were to call and say that I wanted it, I had to be present to make any changes. So we informed everyone that will work for us on our wedding and they offered to hire security for that day at a reduced price
Update:
I hope that this time this doesn't get removed (or at least give me some reason damn it mods! 😂)
A few days have passed and we luckily have sorted many things out. Passwords are set with the vendors, security has been hired, recipes for the family and friends cookout have been chosen and i will start therapy soon.
Sadly some upsetting things have happened as well.
My sister of course is brigading against me on Facebook. Making constant passive aggressive remarks. Saying that I made her depressed etc. I have received many messages from her friends saying that I am bitch for treating her that way. I won't mention what happened to BIL. He wants to tell his story once he is ready.
I blocked every attempt at online harassment and my sister as well. But 2 days ago my sister's best friends egged my car. I called the police and my neighbor, whose hobby is to look outside the widow and spy on people, identified them two. She is a grumpy lady but actually very lovely once you get to meet her.
Now to the part that has me fuming. After not talking to my parents in several days they called and asked if we could talk things out. I was warry but agreed to meeting them with my fiance in our apartment. When they arrived you could tell my mom had been crying. And I honestly felt bad for 10 whole minutes. Many of you guys said that they probably played favorites to avoid my sisters melt downs or that she might have been diagnosed with something and that's why they baby her. Well.... No. Turns out my sister is, like also many of you suspected, just an asshole. No medical history. No diagnosis nothing.
We started chit chatting awkwardly then we began talking about the matter.
My father first asked us why we canceled the caterers, to which my fiancé responded that we didn't want to have anything they could hold over our heads. *insert surprised Pikachu face from both of them*
Dad acted offended and said he would never so that to which I said better safe than sorry. My mother continued with calling me disrespectful for talking in that manner to them. I called the disrespectful for all what they had said and done over the last few days.
We got in a heated argument about the venue again, to which my father repeated the "it doesn’t matter where you get married but the person you are marrying" bullshit. And finally finally I gave him the comeback so many of you guys wanted me to give. "yes dad exactly! But isn't it weird how that only applies to me and not my sister? As long as she is marrying BIL it doesn’t matter where right?"
It was dead quiet and my father was red like a tomato and gasping for air like a fish on land.
My mother was quietly crying again and my . So I said" well I am waiting for your reasoning "
My father slapped his hands on the table and went on a rant about family and sacrifices and how a loving family should do what's In their power to make each other happy. I just responded" like how you tried to make me happy on my graduation day? You know when sister smashed my cake because she wasn't in the limelight? "
Quiet again. My mother quietly said" why do you hate us so much? " I looked at her and said" I could ask you guys the same thing "
Again nothing. My parents knew that they had fucked up but they were not ready to admit it. My mother tried to guilt trip me saying that my sister is miserable, that she hasn't gone out in days because people judge her so much. My father went on a tangent on how my little sister just needs more time and attention because she is the youngest etc etc. So basically excusing her behavior. I told them that I felt hurt because I now saw their blatant favoritism. That they didn't even try to conceal the fact that they loved my sister more. My mother tried to say that's not true! We love you all the same. I wasn't having it. I opened a list I had written on my phone were I had written every point I could remember about them putting my sister before me. It was a very long list. Some had dates to it, some were more specific situations. When I was finished my parents were horrified, beatread and near tears. They wanted to start explaining again how I was wrong but I said that this conversation was leading no where. They either set family counseling up for us and apologize to me or they won't be invited to the wedding. They left and haven't called since.
Update 2 the Wedding:
Finally, I get around to writing an update. I am sorry, that it took so long but I have a few updates to my life! I guess, however, that you guys are mainly here to see how my wedding played out and the aftermath with my family.
After I last spoke to my parents, they did not let go of their position. I was the bad guy, I was responsible for my sisters "depression" and her failing relationship. It went so far, that I had to block them and change my number as they were contacting me from relatives' phones and so on. It was a real bummer, especially during a time that should be so special. I was harassed by my sister and her entourage on facebook and Instagram, so I simply deleted it
It was a mentally draining time, but my husband's family and friends and my brother helped me get through it. I had basically cut off every family member that had given me shit for keeping my wedding date. My Nan came to my door a few days before the wedding begging to let her come. I had a long talk with Nan and she ended up apologizing even tho she still failed to see the logic in switching weddings. But she did not want to pressure me and wanted to be there for me. We hugged it out but our relationship is not back to normal yet.
The bachelor party was amazing. We were cooking until dawn and everything turned out to be delicious. My husband made a beautiful 3 layered cake.
Wedding day.
The morning was really good and relaxing. My bridesmaids and I got ready, we drank some Prosecco made pictures. My dress fit perfectly and I just looked gorgeous. But then came time to leave for the ceremony. We were at the venue making "before" pictures with my friends when I saw the little car of my sister approaching the venue. Admittedly I was shitting my pants ...or well my dress. One of my friends run to the venue to get one of the security people that we hired. I really didn't want another hulk smash moment at my wedding. She had been angry crying and as soon as she saw me she started screaming obscenities. Apparently I am a filthy bitch that made her fiancé break up with her. She was like possessed and at that moment I couldn't but feel pity for her.
A thing to explain is that in the mornings the plants are always watered at the venue by some of these sprinkler systems. Thus the earth was a bit muddy. The next thing happened really fast . my sister bent down to take mud and was getting ready to throw it at me and my dress when my maid of honor sprinted towards her and pushed her so that she fell with her butt into the flowers. The security officer arrived seconds later and removed her. And with that, I had enough ammunition to file for a restraining order against her. I didn`t even want to file a police report at this point I just wanted her to stay away from me. The rest of the day was just amazing. I married my best friend, the love of my life and just my rock. My brother walked me down the altar. We all cried at the vows... it was just spectacular. Of course, I missed my parents but it is what it is.
The celebration was very funny. My husband had studied a choreography to a Taylor Swift song with his groom's Men and the speeches could have been from a stand-up club.
We left for our honeymoon and when we came back I decided to start looking for jobs in a different city. I didn`t want to lose my friends, but I just felt like I needed a clean break. I got a new job at a university in a bigger city and we are currently in the process of moving.
But maybe the biggest change and also the most cliche change is that I am pregnant! It is a classic honeymoon -baby.
We haven`t really told anybody now in fear of something happening so you nice people of Reddit are the first ones to know, besides my husband and me. I am so excited that I am tearing up just writing this. This was not something we planned for a few years but we are ecstatic regardless!
I have only heard through people in town about the rest of my family. My sister is still going around telling people that I was the reason BIL broke up with her and that I was trying to dox her or some shit. She has moved in with my parents again and refuses to work. Nan told me that the last time she saw my parents they looked exhausted because my sister was behaving like a baby. I guess their parenting is catching up with them. I can only say, that I am really happy right now. It hurts having lost family but at the end of the day cutting out toxic people is the best I could do. I now have a husband and a honeymoon baby on the way. My very own family. Oh and a shiny backbone. Thank you, Reddit for reassuring me that I indeed was not being selfish, that my family was not in the right, thank you so much for just writing your comments supporting me. I even took up therapy but I have to say I am really enjoying life.
Thank you for everything. | yeahnoyeahnoyeahno30 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nxkwx0/the_famous_entitled_sister_and_amazing_op/ | nxkwx0 | 18,243 | 817 | [
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2021-06-11T20:08:35 | Not the update we wanted, but still very heartwarming - "My best friend (20M) asked me (20M) out. I said yes. I didn't know it was a date." /r/relationships | Relationships | ***Original:*** [***My best friend (20M) asked me (20M) out. I said yes. I didn't know it was a date***](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/9du198/my_best_friend_20m_asked_me_20m_out_i_said_yes_i/)***. Posted in*** /r/relationships
I'm an idiot. I'll try to keep this short. Also, I was a bit drunk when this happened.
Noah and I have been best friends since 2nd grade. We live together with one other friend near the college we go to together. He came out to me when we were in high school. It didn't change anything. When we got to college, I came out as bisexual.
Last night we were hanging out with some friends and I had a bit to drink. When we were walking home I could tell he was nervous so I asked what was up. He asked if I wanted to go out with him. He literally said "do you want to go out with me". I don't know why, but I thought he meant as friends. Thinking back he made it really obvious it was a date, but I'm an idiot and I was still a bit drunk. I said yes. He suggested Saturday night. I said yes.
I left to go to the gym before he got up so I didn't see him. While I was at the gym, the friend we live with texted me that Noah was really happy this morning and she didn't know we were going to go on a date. She congratulated me and said we make a cute couple. This happened literally six minutes ago. I'm panicking right now. I don't know what to do. I love him but he's like my brother. I can't go out with him. How can I tell him I'm not interested without embarrassing him more than I have to? I don't want to mess up our relationship. We're supposed to have lunch together in a few hours. What do I do?
tldr: I'm an idiot. My best friend asked me out. I said yes. I didn't know it was a date. How do I fix this as easily as possible for him?
UPDATE: Thank you guys so much for the advice. I only saw the first 30 something comments until just now, and I'm blown away by how many people have commented to give me advice. I tried to take a lot of the advice I got, but some of it was contradictory so I couldn't do all of it. Thanks again to everyone who gave advice, even if I didn't see it until after we talked.
I texted Noah and asked if we could skip lunch and go home instead so we could talk. I tried not to make the conversation dramatic. I apologized to him for misunderstanding him, and told him I knew it must have taken a lot of courage for him to ask me out. I told him that he was my best friend, I loved him, and that would never change, but I had never thought about a romantic relationship with him. I apologized for fucking up and getting his hopes up. He asked a few questions, like did I really not know he meant it as a date. He apologized for "fucking things up" between us, but I told him that I wasn't uncomfortable with him feeling that way about me. I told him that I understood if he wanted space to process it, and I would give it to him if he wanted, but I also told him how important he is to me and how much I love him. He said he didn't think he wanted space. He just wanted to try to move on with the secret out.
We've always been totally open with each other (well, except for him liking me I guess) and he said he was happy he wasn't keeping his feelings a secret anymore. We had a cheesy moment where I told him he could always talk to me, about anything. It was like straight out of a romcom. We talked for a long time after that. Apparently he's had a crush on me since before he came out in high school, and after he had a few drinks last night he decided fuck it, why not try. By the time he had to leave for his class this afternoon, things felt normal. I don't feel weird knowing about his crush, and he doesn't seem to feel hurt or anything because of my fuck up. Maybe just a little sad. I'll definitely keep an eye on how we interact and how he acts for a while. A few people warned me against accidentally flirting with him, and I'll try to keep anything like that in check.
I guess this is a happy ending. I know there are still things to be aware of, but right now it looks like the conversation went pretty well. Thanks everyone for commenting and supporting. It helped me not just with advice but also with calming me down when I was really panicky this morning.
***Update:*** [***\[UPDATE\] My best friend (20M) asked me (20M) out. I said yes. I didn't know it was a date.***](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/a54mgo/update_my_best_friend_20m_asked_me_20m_out_i_said/)
First of all, I wanted to thank people for responding. I was majorly panicking when I wrote the post, and the comments I got helped a ton to get me to relax before talking to Noah. I wasn't expecting such a huge response at the time and I was amazed, but looking back now I can see why it got so much attention. It was a pretty weird situation.
Next, I want to say we are both men (apparently this makes a big difference for some people in terms of advice). Some of the people who assumed I was a woman also made some weird comments and sent me some pretty gross messages. If you did this, please stop. That's not cool.
I gave a bit of an update as an edit to the original post, but now since it's been 3 months I thought I'd give you all an update about how things have been going since then, since it seems like there's been a bit of interest, and I'm still really thankful to all of you for helping me out.
Noah is doing really well. I could tell he was still a bit embarrassed for the first couple weeks, but after that he told me again that he was still happy he asked me because now he knew how I felt and he could get over it. He also thanked me for taking it so well, which is definitely thanks to what a lot of you said, so I guess I'm sort of passing his thanks on to you :P
One of the commenters said I should be careful not to do anything that seemed like flirting with him, so I tried keep that in check (we used to hug a lot, sit really close together, and tell each other flirty jokes, you get the idea, but I toned those all down a lot to give him space and not mess with his feelings). I honestly think I see now why he thought I might be into him, because my relationship with him was very affectionate. It's been a lesson for me on how to be more aware of how other people are interpreting my signals.
About a month after he asked me out, he asked me if I wanted to go to a gay bar with him. He made it super clear that it wasn't a date, but he did it in a really sarcastic way, which was a little embarrassing for me but also I think it was good that he could joke about it. So we went to a local gay bar together and we had a really good time. He's a bit introverted, so I played the wingman, and he ended up flirting with this really cute guy and he just seemed really happy.
That was like two months ago and we've gone to the same bar a couple more times since then. He's been getting a bit more comfortable putting himself out there which is really cool to see, and he's just been more open and happy for the last two months, always smiling and eager to go do stuff. Not sure how it's related but it's a noticeable change from before he asked me out.
I'm doing great too. I'm just really happy that I didn't hurt our relationship and that he's so happy. I also learned some important things from this whole situation about communication and being aware of how I present myself. Important lessons. I actually think I feel more confident now too, since he asked me out. Getting asked out feels good man.
It sounds kind of weird, but I think it made us closer. We've started talking about relationships more, which isn't something we really talked about before. He's gone on a few dates and he tells me about them, and the most recent guy he went out with he was really excited about, and I think he might be headed for his first serious relationship, which is amazing! That's actually what made me think of this post and decide to give you all an update.
TL;DR: So yeah, our relationship wasn't ruined and I still have my best friend. He's doing really well and I love seeing him so happy.
Thanks again for the help! | almostselfrealised | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nxoz93/not_the_update_we_wanted_but_still_very/ | nxoz93 | 8,132 | 287 | [
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2021-06-11T20:10:22 | Girl scared to come out to her best friend because she’s in love with her | Relationship_Advice |
[ORIGINAL](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/nsvc12/my_19f_best_friend_19f_is_upset_that_i_didnt_come/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf)
From u/Novel_Possibility205
My (19F) best friend (19F) is upset that I didn't come out to her but I didn't come out to her because I have a crush on her.
we have been friends through out school. I came out by making a post on Instagram. I had come out to my family a week earlier. It was amazing and I got a ton of support and I am glad that I did it! My best friend supported me and told me that she was proud of me but a few days ago she also told me she felt a bit hurt that I didn't come out to her. She is an ally. She has been very vocal during high school about calling out bigotry. She kinda feels like she should have been the natural choice to test the waters so to speak before coming out to my family. she understands that it is silly but she said she feels really upset by it. It kinda slipped out while we were talking about it something and she sounded really hurt.
But the thing is that one of the things that made me realized that I was indeed a lesbian was being attracted to her, falling for her and pinning for her. I have had feelings for her for about 2 years now. I know it is stupid and toxic. I need to move on and stop crushing on a straight girl but we are really close and just being with her fuels my feelings for her and I would hate to pull away from her when she is going through a tough time and she has always been there for me when I needed her. I know I need distance but I would be such a terrible friend if I pulled away when she needs me.
I was uncomfortable coming out to her as I was in love. I am really confused. on one hand, I am fed about lying about my sexuality but on the other. I don't want to change our relationships. I have been hyper conscious about not doing anything that would creep her out but even then I am sure she would feel a bit hurt by her best friend telling her that that she was in love with her all this time.
TL:DR: my friend is a bit upset that I didn't come out to her but the reason I didn't come out to her was because I'm kinda in love with her.
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/nxmp5t/update_my_19f_best_friend_19f_is_upset_that_i/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
I got some advice and everyone told me to come clean. I was too much of a coward to do it in person so I called her up and spilled my guts. It was incredibly scared and it took me some time to get to the point. I told her I had a crush on her. I told her that I would understand if she wanted to press pause on our friendship.
She then pointed out how stupid that would be and then asked me out. Yeah. I can't believe it. she told me she realized she had feelings for me a month before I came out. This just happened and I haven't done processing it.
I have a girlfriend! | juswundern | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nxp0n5/girl_scared_to_come_out_to_her_best_friend/ | nxp0n5 | 2,974 | 175 | [
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2021-06-12T21:32:40 | Aw - "AITA for making a dad joke?" | AITA | ***Original:*** [***AITA for making a dad joke?***](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dhfeg9/aita_for_making_a_dad_joke/) ***Posted in*** /r/amitheasshole
Note. My step-daughter, Madeline, was about a year old when I married her mother, Jessica. Madeline’s father died before she was born.
Madeline is currently 15, and she’s rebelling for almost everything. She did something bad, so while picking her up, I set a punishment up for her. Then she said “You’re not my dad. I don’t have to follow you”. Honestly, I got a bit hurt from that. But I understand that she didn’t mean it, and that she’d probably change. I just replied “I’m still your legal guardian for the next 3 years, and as long as your in my house, you have to follow my rules.”
That happened about 2 days ago. So our family was going grocery shopping, when Madeline said “I’m hungry. I need food.” I decide to be extremely cheeky and say “Hi Hungry, I’m not your dad.” My son just started to laugh uncontrollably. My daughter was just quiet with embarrassment. And my wife was berating me “Not to stoop down to her level.”
I honestly thought it was a funny dad joke. And my son agrees. So AITA?
Edit: I did adopt her. So legally I am her parent.
Mini Update: I’ll probably give a full update later but here is what happened so far. I go to my daughter’s room after dinner and begin talking with her. “Hey. I’m really sorry that I hurt you by the words I said. And I am really your dad. I changed your diapers, I met your boyfriend, and I plan on helping you through college. And plus I’m legally your dad, so we’re stuck together. But seriously, I’m going to love you like my daughter even if you don’t think I’m your dad. Then I hugged her. She did start to cry. I assume that’s good.
***Update:*** [***UPDATE: AITA for making a dad joke?***](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dq32it/update_aita_for_making_a_dad_joke/)
My son found the post, and shared it with my daughter. This was after apologizing to her. She cried again.
So last week, we decided to have a father/daughter bonding weekend. Honestly, it was awesome. I took her bowling, to get a manicure, becoming Disney princesses(I looked awesome as Jasmine), and so forth. She loved it. I loved it. Everyone was happy. Then we decided to go out to eat dinner. “I’m starving, what do you want Maddie?” “Hi Starving, I’m not your daughter”. She had this biggest smirk on her face. She hugged me and I kissed her forehead. I’m sure she’d been planning this for weeks. | almostselfrealised | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nyh6gp/aw_aita_for_making_a_dad_joke/ | nyh6gp | 2,526 | 142 | [
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2021-06-12T21:33:23 | OP unplugs Internet after boyfriend has been gaming for 8 hours and rejects what she cooked for him | AITA | [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nvei77/aita_for_me22funplugging_the_internet_when_my/)
I had cooked dinner for my boyfriend and I had called him several times. He didn't respond so I was like what the hell and went to find him and bring his dinner to him
He was playing call of duty or halo and said he didn't hear me. I was like all right here is your dinner and then I handed it to him and he just looked at it and said I didn't want mac n cheese I said chicken nuggets and fries. I said sorry but if you had listened when I got back you would have heard that the store was all out of nuggets. He then threw the plate with the food on it at a set of drawers. I said seriously what is wrong with you and he just said he was annoyed because I just made him die in the game by distracting him and he was already mad about having mac n cheese I said if that is gonna make you angry you shouldn't be playing while eating.
He just said whatever and carried on playing so I went downstairs and turned the router off while I ate. He came storming down asking what the hell I had done. I said if you can't listen to me you shouldn't be playing games when I am trying to do stuff he said I can't turn the internet off because he Pays for it so I said he just wasted food.
He says I should have told him they were out of nuggets and waited for him to be done on the game instead of turning it off. I think he was being unreasonable especially after he threw the plate but his mom and my mom are siding with him. They say I shouldn't have turned the internet off and I am thinking they are completely missing the point. So was I wrong to do that or should I have done something different.
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nyay28/update_aita_for_me22funplugging_the_internet_when/)
Thank you to everyone that helped me see that what he did was really not right. I had wondered why my mom and his would side with him too and after speaking with my mom I found he had been bad mouthing me before this and had told her a different story to what really happened. He told her he had been at work all day and got home and I was instantly aggressive and turned the internet off and said no games or food. Idk why she would believe that but whatever he had been playing the game for 8 hours straight that day up to that point.
Anyway I left him and moved back with my mom for now I am in the process of moving all my belongings but I have the most important stuff. He has been texting my begging me to come back because he misses me (also because he can't cook) I saw McDonald's wrappers all over the floor when I went to get some of my clothes. He also posted a video to Facebook of his crying saying I took everything and I am a bitch. His mom is still siding with him and she has been harassing me in messages for abusing her son. She says how dare Ieave him. First she tried to guilt trip me by saying how will he clean and cook by himself and when that didn't work she started threatening and sending abusive messages.
I feel much better though I didn't realise how much of a strain he had put upon me. So once again thank you to everyone that helped me out.🥰🥰 | mermaidpaint | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nyh707/op_unplugs_internet_after_boyfriend_has_been/ | nyh707 | 3,206 | 271 | [
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2021-06-12T22:04:27 | Update to the update: newest installment of the woman who called her boss's daughter a whore [AskAManager] | EXTERNAL: AskAManager | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.askamanager.org/2017/04/i-accidentally-insulted-my-bosss-daughter.html) appeared on AskAManager, not Reddit. I posted the original letter and the first update about three months ago on this subreddit [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/lw8r41/op_accidentally_calls_her_bosss_15yearold/). This new post includes a third letter and final update.*
I am a female employee in my late 20s working for a large Fortune 500 U.S. company. My boss is in his early 40s and is a father of two. His oldest is a 15 year old girl. My boss often tells me, totally unsolicited, that his daughter is “very attractive,” a “perfect tall blonde,” and “so beautiful.” He says boys are fawning over her and she wants to start dating.
One day a couple weeks ago, my boss was talking as usual about how his daughter is very attractive and wants to start dating. Then he paused, looked at me, and said “I bet you had that problem!” Without thinking, I instinctively responded, “Actually, I didn’t, because my parents didn’t raise a whore.” I was raised in a devoutly Christian home in which provocative clothing and behavior was forbidden, and dating wasn’t even a consideration.
My boss looked shocked and a little taken aback. But I didn’t realize until hours later how this came across: I basically said my boss and his wife raised a whore of a daughter.
My boss has been acting weird/standoffish towards me since I made this comment, and understandably so. But he is also a devout Christian (we’ve discussed this many times), not to mention my boss. How can I fix the relationship?
[**UPDATE**](https://www.askamanager.org/2017/05/update-i-accidentally-insulted-my-bosss-daughter.html) (*link is external to Reddit*)
Thank you so much for your compassionate response, and to your commenters for their objective input. I am happy to report a relatively good outcome.
There may have been only one or two commenters that guessed this, but it turns out my boss wasn’t upset. Shocked, but not upset. He said he shouldn’t have been talking about his daughter like that at work and he didn’t realize how his comment about me sounded until I reacted like that. Then I apologized and told him that I was completely in the wrong to insinuate that about his daughter. I didn’t qualify or try to explain. He said he understood where that comment came from and that (remarkably) he didn’t take it personally. Things are mostly back to normal since then. Thankfully, no other coworkers were within earshot (this happened in a conference room while waiting for some other coworkers to join us), and I don’t work with clients or customers anyway.
I am still looking for new jobs, though. Also, I don’t think my boss is creepy or “sexist” or whatever people said. He is a good boss.
The comments were very eye-opening. I thought the word was normal and commonly used, because that’s how it was at home (the exact quote I blurted out was screamed at me countless times at home and I was called a whore several times a day by my teachers). To this day, I hear the word used at least weekly outside of work. But now I see that it is beyond the pale. I still think dating is immoral, but there is no need to use such harsh language. I am cutting the word out of my vocabulary. Now.
To all of those saying my behavior is not Christian or that I am not a “true Christian”: I am well aware that Jesus was a friend of prostitutes, but Jesus is not all there is to Christianity. Read your Bibles. Despite what “liberal Christians” like to pretend, premarital sex and sexual deviancy are unequivocally condemned.
Also, I just wanted to say, I did not feel attacked at all by the comments. I deserved to be attacked, but I was not. It appears some commenters think criticism of Christianity is an “attack” or “bashing,” but this is not so. Criticism of beliefs is alright, and in this case it was much needed. Thank you. There is nothing wrong with a little judgment. If you hadn’t judged me, I wouldn’t have learned.
**Final editorial note from AskAManager**
I wrote back to this letter-writer and said, “Thank you for this update, and for your good grace about the comments! I’m sorry you had that word screamed at you ever, let alone so frequently — that’s horrible and must have been a very difficult way to grow up.”
She replied: “It was a difficult way to grow up at the time, but it kept me in line, and thus led me to become a better adult. So in hindsight, I don’t think it’s horrible. (But we’ll probably disagree on that.)”
[**FINAL UPDATE**](https://www.askamanager.org/2021/06/updates-i-insulted-my-boss-daughter-and-more.html) (*link is external to Reddit; new content not included in the first r/BestOfRedditorUpdates post starts here*)
Professionally, I have little to update. I left that job and the workforce to raise my children. I am no longer a Christian, and strongly disavow my previous actions while recognizing that I still bear responsibility for them. I will never allow my daughters to be treated the way I was. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nyhvp7/update_to_the_update_newest_installment_of_the/ | nyhvp7 | 5,082 | 70 | [
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2021-06-13T13:30:39 | AITA For Telling My Step Brother And Girlfriend To Sign Over Parental Rights? | AITA | AITA for telling my step brother and girlfriend to sign over parental rights?
[Original Post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lqojlu/aita_for_telling_my_step_brother_and_girlfriend/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
So my (30F) Step Brother S (30M) and his Girlfriend J (28F) got caught up in some illegal drug stuff and are addicts. They are looking at 8-10yrs with a plea. They have a 5 yr old daughter N.
With their court date coming up, S&J asked Dad and Stepmom to continue caring for N during their sentence. S&J were supposed to find a permanent place but J’s family said No. The issue is, Dad is legally blind and Stepmom has cancer. Neither one of them is capable of caring for a small child long term. My Stepmom is extremely exhausted from chemo and can barely get out of bed most days, so N is pretty much stuck in the house all day. My Dad tries but he cannot drive so the furtherest they go are walks around the house.
Now I own my house, so I have room for N. My Dad and Stepmom called and asked me if I would be willing to take in N. My bf is onboard. Well as we discussed it, he made some good points. 8-10yrs is a long time and we would be investing a lot of resources and time into N making sure she has the best opportunities. He then asked what would happen when they are released? Would she have to go back to her parents? What about her mental well-being and needs? Would we have to fight in court? How would we handle letting her go?
I then called a Family Lawyer and they suggested having S&J sign away parental rights. I sat down with S&J and explained that I would take N but only under the condition that they sign over their rights with visitations scheduled immediately upon their release. J started screaming at me, accusing me of trying to steal her daughter and taking her place. I advised that my intention is only to ensure the betterment of N long term. S then said, that they were her parents and knew what was best for her. I said if they did, they would have gotten clean and not done what they did to get jail time. They told me that they would rather her in foster care then sign over rights. I said okay and left.
Now J’s family is on social media making post that I am trying to steal their sister’s child and etc. They were calling my phone a lot to tell me off, so I told them if they cared so much then they can take her. My Dad, Stepmom, Bf and family agrees with me. I told some of my friends about this and they are all saying that I am wrong for using S&J’s addictions to strip them of their child. Now I am wondering if I am wrong or taking it too far? I feel bad because if I don’t take her she will end up in foster care system. I know she isn’t my daughter but I will be raising her during the most crucial developmental time and really don’t want her potential wasted like her parents.
AITA for wanting them to sign over rights?
Edit/Mini Update:
Thank you everyone for your responses. I am reading them all and really taking your advice seriously. I appreciate the YTA and NAH verdicts as well, you gave me an insight into how they could be feeling and I was not thinking about them honestly. I also appreciate everyone whom DM’d me and provided their experiences. It really gives me insight into what we will be getting ourselves into.
Many of you inquired about reaching our to CPS, I received the case workers information last night and spoke with her briefly today. She was aware that my parents are not capable and have a home setup for her. I advised her that I am willing to take N but was concerned about when they would be released. The case worker reassured that because N will be a teenager, her voice will be heavily considered. She also pointed out that they will need to prove themselves fit and that can take months and sometimes years.
We will be speaking with the lawyer next week on further legal steps. Our end goal is to take her. Last night my Bf suggested that we take her under guardianship and cross that bridge when we get there. Right now providing her a stable environment is the most important thing. With that, this weekend we will be working on converting our office/game room into her bedroom. We have 1 month left to prepare. Wish us luck!! And again, thank you everyone!!
[Update ](https://www.reddit.com/user/HopefulFold1/comments/mugbo9/update_aita_for_telling_my_step_brother_and/)
I just want to say Thank You to everyone who providing me with advise and your stories. To those who grew up in the foster care system and had a hard time, I wish you love and peace.
My stepmom’s condition has gotten worst. Now she is pretty much bedridden. My Dad was getting overwhelmed, so we decided to take N earlier than expected. We sat down with the social worker and have both signed to become her legal guardians for now.
How is N? Her first few days here was hard on her. She really missed her Meemaw and Papo. She cried at night a lot and was really closed off. I spoke to my Dad and he suggested getting her a kitten since he always told her he would get one. He even offered to covered the expenses. My bf and I talked about it and we took her to the animal shelter and well she fell in love with a Cat named Nobi. Since getting Nobi, N has really relaxed. They do everything together. Nobi never leaves N’s side. My dog is chill and unbothered by the new people in the house. She just lays on the couch and watches the madness play out.
N face-times my parents daily. She talks crap about my cooking to them, saying, “It’s good but Papo, yours is better.” Well damn little girl, hurt much. I take her to visit on them weekends. With my stepmom sick, we do a lot of sanitizing and 6 ft distancing. Only N gets close to her. My bf took to the parental role a lot easier than I did. He is currently reading her Harry Potter. We agreed to stop at Prisoner of Azkaban since the books start to take a darker turn and we don’t want to traumatize her. We told her at 11 she will be sorted into her house and we will go to Hogwarts. As for me, once I got a routine down, it has been easy. I also think it is because my bf is so amazing and really does half of the work, so I am not overwhelmed.
S & J were sentenced and it will be for the Max time. We have to wait until they can get tele-visits. So we are preparing for that. N doesn’t ask about her parents at all. She sees a child therapist and they believe it is because my parents mainly raised her, that she views them as Mommy and Daddy. I sat down with my Dad and he told me a lot of what happened over the 5 yrs. I just thought they watched her a lot but the truth is, she has been in their care since she was 2 yrs and that S & J had just gotten unsupervised visits when everything happened. This explained why the social worker was adamant I had nothing to worry about. So for now we are making sure she gets as much time with her Meemaw as possible. Again Thank you all for your help and perspectives. | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nywddj/aita_for_telling_my_step_brother_and_girlfriend/ | nywddj | 7,052 | 834 | [
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2021-06-13T13:50:38 | AITA for ruining my brother and his wife's pregnancy news with the news of my recent diagnosis? | AITA | [Original Post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gzz7uk/aita_for_ruining_my_brother_and_his_wifes/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
AITA for ruining my brother and his wife's pregnancy news with the news of my recent diagnosis?
Bit of backstory, my brother and I are very close, his wife and I not so much, we've had our fair share of tension. Anyway I fell sick in the middle of may, but held off getting checked out because of covid and safety reasons. Eventually when June started I decided to go check it out, turns out it was stage 2 breast cancer.
I decided to tell my family 2 days ago since lockdown laws have been lifted, so I invited everyone over and when I told my brother and his wife he said okay that's fine because he has news to share too. So our family gathered and my brother decided to go first (he did ask me) and he announced that his wife is 4 months pregnant. Of course everyone was overjoyed.
After about an hour they asked about my news, and I knew this was probably the last time in a long while before I had everyone here in person, so I told them. And of course the initial joyous atmosphere was gone. The rest of the evening was a lot of support for me and not a lot of attention on my brother and his wife.
My brother didnt seem to mind this, as he was quite distraught with my news, but I saw his wife pretty upset and cornered off. So I decided to approach her, and I apologized for the timing of it all. She told me I could have waited a bit and skyped everyone with the news, as it's just stage 2, and let my brother and her have this moment with their family. I told her I initially called this meeting for this exact reason and she said she knows but I knew my news would damper everyone's mood.
So I told her shes being ridiculous and I wanted to tell my family in person, since they are my family after all. And she burst in tears and demanded to go home, which my brother obliged to even though he was confused. He promised he would come see me soon since he stays close by to me. Later that evening I get a message from him asking if I told his wife that she isnt part of the family and that I deliberately wanted the attention on me, because that's what shes upset about.
Also the next day my parents called me to check up on me and my mom mentioned that my brothers wife called yesterday evening really upset telling them what "I said" and claiming I'm jealous because shes pregnant and I'm trying to ruin her life. I told my parents what actually happened and what i really said and its caused not only tension between his wife and me, but my parents and her too, and now shes also blaming me for my parents not being her biggest fans. My brother is torn but has been trying to talk to her, which results in more tears and a strain in their marriage. All this drama is making me think that I should have just called up everyone rather, or just told my brother that his news had to wait, even though that would have been selfish of me.
I really wanted my family's support that day, but I'm starting to rethink whether it was worth all this drama and potentially causing further problems. So reddit, AITA?
EDIT: Wow I didnt expect this to get so so much lovely feedback, and to think I was slightly scared to post this, thank you all for the unnerving support, love and huggies. I read (and still reading) every single comment made and I really really appreciate it. I will most definitely fight through. Thank you all so much.
Just wanted to add a few points:
When brother told me he had news too he was really super excited and added it as a just by the way I'll announce mine too, he did apologize and admit afterwards if he had known what my news was he would have held off his, because right now what's important is my recovery. He also admitted he wrongfully assumed that my news would automatically be good (I'm usually always the happy chirpy one). His wife wasn't too fond of this either.
Brothers wife also had a miscarriage beginning of the year, which is why this pregnancy I suppose was extra special. I'm truly happy for them, I just wish she could understand (like one user pointed out) that this isnt a competition.
I dont know why I couldn't tell him over the phone, we are really close and I knew it would have crushed him, I couldn't steal him away at the gathering either because he was the last to arrive, and when he did he just quickly mentioned "Hey OP mind if I go first" and I was frozen on the spot so I said sure. Also pretty silly on my part. It's hard to explain that feeling where you absolutely frozen and theres a big lump in your throat that prevents you from speaking, but saying the news in the first place was really difficult to begin with.
Edit edit: Just another point to clarify, I'm not a saint, but my brother does mean a heck of a lot to me. It's exactly why his wife and I cleared the air between us before, because I wouldn't deliberately make his life hell by pissing her off. Hence why when I saw she was upset I approached her. And when she told me I could have skyped i responded with I wanted to tell them in person since they my family and they would probably want to be there with me when I broke the news, I never once implied she wasn't a part of it. My brother and parents know this.
[Update ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hm7myb/update_aita_for_ruining_my_brother_and_his_wifes/)
Sorry this is so late, a lot has been happening the past month since the news came out, and since I've received a tremendous amount of love from reddit I thought it would be only fair to let you all know what happened.
First and foremost, I've started treatment, also one of the reasons I couldnt update sooner. Thank you all for your well wishes, I plan on bouncing back as soon as I can.
Anyway, I could see that my brother was under a lot of stress, and I finally sat him down to talk about it properly, he showed me a bunch of texts that his wife sent him telling him he is a shitty father for choosing me over his family, she said I was seeking attention and nobody cares about her. And one thing that really got to me was that she told him to choose once and for all, and if he picks me he loses her and his child and if he picks her she doesnt want me in their lives at all. I felt terrible, not only for him, but knowing that I could have prevented all this.
I took the time to apologize for putting him in this position, and if I had just pulled him aside soon enough and given him a heads up, he would have truly understood. Brother tells me I shouldnt apologize, because he should have been more considerate, he also mentioned that his wife would have probably still gotten mad at him whether they did or didnt give the news on that day.
So I decided I should invite her over for coffee, to sort out everything. I spoke to her alone, I asked her about everything, she was very cold and didnt really answer, so I started talking first by apologizing if I made her feel excluded from the family or that her pregnancy was of any less importance. I explained that I should have given them a heads up so we could have avoided what had happened all together and that was my fault, and that I was very sorry but I also mentioned that the way she reacted and went to the extent of lying wasnt okay.
She then started crying and vented out about how angry shes been, and that my brother always put me first and recently they've been going through a rough patch and when he "sided" with me it made her even more upset and feel even more lonely. She admitted she lied to my parents and my brother, saying that she was hoping they would show her more sympathy and when they were cold to her she got even more upset.
After hours of talking she apologized for how she acted and has been acting. And she would like if we moved on from this. My brother came later and they both went home, he texted me saying they both spoke for hours and agreed to couples therapy. My parents are currently living with me and helping me out tremendously, but they not quite happy with my sister in law yet, although they promise to try to work things out, things finally seemed to calm down, and let's hope it stays that way.
None of this would have been possible without the feedback you all gave me, and I'm indebted to that, so thank you!
(ETA: All of you are so kind, honestly, but I wanted to clarify that I'm no saint nor am I selfless, i know what happened wasnt entirely on me, however, in order to focus solely on my recovery I cant be stressed out about this whole situation and have all this tension around, seeing my brother being put in that position and my SIL, as hurtful as she was, being upset and holding hatred can affect herself and the baby, I did what I could to fix things so that everyone can focus on being healthy and being positive without holding any grudges, I know I sure will. I know my SIL, she can be very stubborn and unreasonable, and if I left things in her hands I'm 99% sure it would have resulted in much much worse circumstances than me putting the first hand forward, at least now I can focus on my recovery without any distress or toxicity. I'm human, I felt angry, I felt upset, yeah I wanted to give her a piece of my mind. But in doing so isnt helping myself, her, my brother, or my family, only damaging things further. This realization is what prompted me to let it all go and focus on positivity and my mental and physical health.)
Last edit:
I spent all day on reddit reading EVERY little or big comment made, and honestly I didnt know you could feel so much support from people you never met. You are all the amazing humans. Thank you all for the upvotes, comments and awards, and I'll still read every single comment, but this will be my final edit. And for the people who asked, I'm 24 :) | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nywrbk/aita_for_ruining_my_brother_and_his_wifes/ | nywrbk | 9,891 | 340 | [
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2021-06-13T17:14:37 | *Hearts* - "What does it mean when someone changes what they've always called you?" /r/relationships | Relationships | ***Original:*** [***What does it mean when someone changes what they've always called you?***](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/ew0um4/what_does_it_mean_when_someone_changes_what/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) ***Posted in*** /r/relationships
I've (25M) been living with my roommate (25M) for a year and a few months. We've been through a lot together, including a robbery and a panic attack. I care about him and he cares about me too, he considers me his best friend (I do as well) and recently said I'm "the best thing that happened to him over the past few years." He has been going through a lot after an epilepsy attack that almost cost him his life before he moved in with me, and I've been helping him with all the difficulties that I'm able to help with (he's much better now :D). We never really had a dating life, we liked just being friendly and meeting people, and we also never asked about each other's sexuality. I'm not sure of mine still. That leads me to recently, when he went from calling me by my name to "honey". The first time he said it, I almost choked-- I would've never seen it coming. I haven't said anything about it, but it's been going on for a month now, and I feel weird about it. Not bad weird, there's just something that makes me feel something, but I don't know what or why. We were also always touchy, but due to the circumstances, everytime he does I feel like I'm going to explode if I don't ask him, red in the face. I don't touch him at all now because it also feels weird. I don't want him taking it the wrong way, what if it's just an endearing thing and I'm assuming he likes men and also likes me? I don't know how I feel, I'm very confused and lost, I don't know what to do with myself too. Can someone also read into this? Should I talk to him or let it go?
TLDR: Best friend calls me honey now. I don't know why and I cant bring myself to ask. I feel a lot of things, I don't know if either of us are gay and I'm churning butter over all this. Should I ask him? Does he have feelings for me?
***Update:*** [***(UPDATE) What does it mean when someone changes what they've always called you? (25M) and (25M)***](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/f59yan/update_what_does_it_mean_when_someone_changes/)
Hey guys, it's been a while. Though my post didn't get much attention, I wanted to give an update to the people who've helped :)
I talked to my friend about it. I explained all the things I've thought about, and my sexuality, and my feelings for him. I was shaking and sweating and close to tears, but he got it.
He hugged me, and ordered us a pizza. We were in complete awkward silence while waiting for it. He put on my favorite movie (Eternal Sunshine btw) and we just ate on the couch.
Halfway through it, he held my hand and did a cheesy, silly speech about how he thought that I was ace because I never got on with anyone, and he didn't either because he wanted me, but never made a move too <:)
I cried again, and then he cried, and after we calmed down, we just cuddled. My hands were oily and I stained his shirt, but that's something to remember the day I guess.
It's been a while now, and we're officially boyfriends! We went on a date at a bakery and he finally asked, though we've been living as a couple anyways after so many years together.
It's weird to do these things with a man, and especially my best friend, but we're taking it slow, making things continue as they've always been. He's so so sweet and I'm so happy to be with him. I love him so much.
Thank you, reddit :) also we're getting a rat maybe. | almostselfrealised | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nz12jv/hearts_what_does_it_mean_when_someone_changes/ | nz12jv | 3,630 | 507 | [
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2021-06-14T19:17:13 | Mother of the Bride tries to force bride to have the wedding of MOB's dreams | AITA | [Original post - AITA for canceling my wedding?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nuglgp/aita_for_cancelling_my_wedding/?)
Over the past year and a half, my fiancé (Jose, M27) and I (F25) have been planning a wedding for July of 2021. We've been together for 10 years and have lived together for 3 years. Jose and I both don't like the pomp and circumstance of weddings, and were hoping to have a low-key, inexpensive one. My family, however, wanted something bigger.
My mother has expressed to me just how much she's living through me in having this wedding. I have expressed to her plenty that social situations trigger my anxiety. She doesn't care. Jose and I gave in last year and agreed to marry in a church and have the big reception she wanted. Jose made sure if we were going to do this, my parents would pay for both the venue and the church fee. They agreed.
Planning was stressful, and it caused a lot of tension between Jose and I. It turns out the stress wasn't coming from the planning itself - it was the wedding as a whole. With my therapist's help, we identified that being a "bride" embodied many things my mother berated me for growing up and acted as triggers for my CPTSD.
I came forward with my reservations to my mother. Her response was to gaslight me about my therapist's diagnoses and insist on the wedding happening the way we planned it. She joked that I could take some CBD or have a drink to stay calm during the wedding.
She has also begun drinking to avoid confronting her feelings and regards it as the only thing she has that's hers. She does not take it seriously, and my father is won't help. I found out that the private conversations I have had with my father about her drinking were shared with her.
It got bad enough that at my bridal shower, she had 18 beers and berated my sister-in-law for calling her out on drunkenly shit talking my brother to family. Mind you, Jose’s side of the family does not drink - as they’ve lost their grandfather to alcoholism. I feel horrible they were put in the position of having to watch her.
When trying to make amends between my SIL and her, she decided to take me on a car ride in which she screamed at, gaslit, and berated me for "accusing her of being an alcoholic". She apologized for this half-heartedly expecting me to forgive her and move on.
As a result, I've gone no contact with her. Jose and I made calls and cancelled the big wedding all together and are instead going to quietly get married at the courthouse this Saturday with a small group present. Half of the deposit from the venue was non-refundable, but we decided to take a small personal loan to make sure we don’t owe my parents anything at the end of this. His side of the family is completely on-board, while mine is sending emails and pleading with me to be a better person and make up with her.
I know I’ve made a lot of missteps in this - I should have set my boundaries much earlier in this mess and stayed firm in not having the wedding. I wanted to hear from an unbiased party whether I’m being unreasonable. AITA?
EDIT: I'm... floored, honestly, at how much traction this has gotten in the past few hours. I can't begin to thank you all enough for your words of kindness and guidance in this very strange time. When I made this post, I think I had expected to get more of a mixed response - but reading all of the NTA's come in has admittedly thrown me for a loop. I've since subbed to many of the subreddits recommended to me by other survivors of narcissistic parents and cannot thank you enough for y'all taking time out of your day to reach out. Jose and I will be remaining NC with my mother and family going forward - and can't wait until the smaller, more intimate wedding this Saturday.
For some needed context that's popped up in the comments a few times: the car ride I went on with my mother was not while she was drunk. In trying to meet the character limit on the post, I neglected to mention this was on a separate day from the shower. I apologize if that's mislead anyone!
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nzqw4o/update_aita_for_cancelling_my_wedding/)
Yesterday, I married the love of my life and partner of 10 years in a quiet little backyard ceremony. 15 people were there - friends, family, and José's immediate family. The ceremony took all of 15 minutes thanks to our amazing JoP, and the celebration was fun, casual conversation over a simple sandwich lunch. We got to catch up with friends we haven't seen since the pandemic started, as well as make fun memories with the people willing to understand and love us without judgement.
My mother, in response to finding out I've gone NC with the family and planned a private wedding without her, sent one of my aunts screaming at me the day before the wedding over email. Catholic guilt, gaslighting - the whole shebang. I went all-in on telling my family exactly what I've felt and dealt with in regards to my mother and them. They had the audacity to invent a story that José is nothing but a controlling abuser that deleted her first email. He's trying to "steal" me away from them and convince me it was the truth. They want me to forgive my Mom and be the bigger person - even after detailing the extent of her abuse to them.
I tore my aunt a new asshole over email, citing them all - my grandmother included - as cowards for not coming to me to tell me the alleged "truth" about José before... ya know, offering pomp, circumstance, and praise for getting married to him. It's funny how quickly the narrative shifted from "Oh, think of your poor mother" to "You poor, stupid child running into the arms of an abuser" to "You're a monster cancelling our family". The block button has been my best friend.
Within the last 72 hours I've learned exactly what kind of family I was raised in. In a way, I mourn that it had to be like this - NC with the people I thought were supposed to love me. What I have realized is their brand of "love" is conditional.
My mother also demanded the money back for the venue and we sent a check to her. She still has chosen not to cash it. We have ample documentation to prove we have provided her that check. José is warning her in writing to cash that check by the 21st, or else we will stop that check and pay back the loan.
Thank you to all of the kind Redditors that have reached out offering words of encouragement and resources for coping with narcissistic, toxic family. José and I thrilled to finally have had this wedding on our own, surrounded by the people that matter most to us. | mermaidpaint | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nzujom/mother_of_the_bride_tries_to_force_bride_to_have/ | nzujom | 6,612 | 302 | [
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2021-06-14T19:56:23 | This update made me so happy - "My fiancée (24F) has no bridesmaids and it's making her so upset she wants to call off the wedding. How can I (25M) help?" /r/relationships | Relationships | ***Original:*** [***My fiancée (24F) has no bridesmaids and it's making her so upset she wants to call off the wedding. How can I (25M) help?***](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3am0dc/my_fianc%C3%A9e_24f_has_no_bridesmaids_and_its_making/?sort=new) ***Posted in*** /r/relationships
My fiancée and I are recently engaged and have been together since we were 18. She's not the bridezilla type but she has imagined a nice wedding.
She's not very social and has no sisters/female cousins, and as a result she has no bridesmaids. Zero. I on the other hand have a solid group of guys to be groomsmen and they're already talking bachelor party.
My fiancée won't have a bridal shower or bachelorette party, or anyone to go dress shopping with, etc. it's really bringing her down and she won't even talk about weddings. Once she said between sniffles "can't we just sign a paper at a courthouse?" But I know neither of us really want that.
I have suggested having my sisters and cousins as bridesmaids, but they don't really know her well and likely wouldn't want to. How can I help her?
**tl;dr**: My fiancée has no one to ask to be bridesmaids and it's making her very upset. I want to help.
***Update:*** [***UPDATE: My fiancee (24F) has no bridesmaids and it's making her so upset she wants to call off the wedding. How can I (25m) help?***](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3as7za/update_my_fiancee_24f_has_no_bridesmaids_and_its/)
Did not expect to update this fast. Did not expect to update at all, unless something miraculous happened. And it did.
In short, I have the best friends in the world.
I read through a ton of these comments, but not all (over 1000?!) and decided to look for my fiance's box of wedding planning stuff, because I had a suspicion. Inside the box was all these magazine clippings of a big church wedding, flower ideas and stuff. And then I saw pictures of the dresses. They were all big, poofy ornate things that don't seem akin to my fiancee's style at all. But...they're similar to the dresses my sisters wore at their weddings.
It all sort of clicked for me. My fiancee probably doesn't want a church wedding or any of these fancy trimmings, she's trying to win my family's favor. The hell. I really should've noticed this earlier and gotten more involved, I know.
My fiancee flew home on Thursday to spend a few days with her dad (Father's Day weekend and all). I couldn't go because of work, so I was alone until this morning. So, real late at night, I called up my buddy Ravi (26M). Ravi's my best man, we've known each other since we were kids, split up when we went off to college, and reconnected three years ago. We moved to SC so I could join the company he works for.
I just opened up to Ravi. It was really late but he listened to me anyway, about my worries about my fiancee. He said that it was very likely that she was trying to curry favor with my family, but she probably wasn't going to admit to it easily. He said he'd talk to her.
I told him that he barely knows her. He said not to worry, and that he'd be around tomorrow evening.
My fiancee came home happy (she always is after seeing her dad) this morning. I went off to work without asking about the wedding, and she set to work on her writing (she's off for the summer). I got home early and at like 5 PM Ravi came to my house with my other good friends: Carson, Andrew, and Tim (23-30M). I know all these guys from various places and we're all a solid group. Still, this was unexpected.
Ravi came up to my fiancee and said that the guys were taking her wedding dress shopping.
We were both freaked out as hell. I had no idea this was coming, and my fiancee looked like she wanted to crawl into a hole and die. She whispered to me "they won't like me", and I urged her to just go for it. Ravi reminded her that he has sisters, Carson's been divorced, and Andrew's had his fair share of girlfriends, so they know dresses. Plus, he has a lady friend that works at a small boutique, where they'd try first.
She still didn't want to go, and then he said something like "hey, you're marrying our best friend, don't you think we should get to know you and make sure you're not a ghost or something?" (He's not great with tact). But she chuckled a little at that and gave in.
They were gone for a while and came back an hour ago. They didn't find a dress, but they looked around the stores for a while and fiancee found a style she liked (not the poofy ball gown style). They also went out for ice cream and when they walked in the door, she was joking and laughing with them all. I hadn't seen her so happy in a long time. It was amazing.
Then we all sat down together and Ravi asked her to talk to me about what's on her mind.
I still don't know how they got her to open up. She whispered that she didn't really want the big church wedding, that she wanted to wait a little while and plan a small ceremony for just the people we really care about. I was all for it, I told her not to worry about bridesmaids or anything, it could just be us. She said no, she wants her dad, the guys, and my family to be there.
Andrew, a kickass guitar player, said he'd put together a band for us. He asked my fiancee what her favorite song is, he'd figure out an arrangement. This is the kind of question she usually dodges, but she blushed a little and actually told the truth. (Panama by Van Halen if anyone cares; girl knows how to rock out). This was the real sign that she's starting to trust them. I don't think anyone knows her favorite song except me and her dad (who bought her Van Halen CD's growing up)
I told her I'd call my family and tell them the church wedding's off. If they make a big stink about it, I don't fucking care. I have my bros and my beautiful future bride. That's all the family I need.
**tl;dr**: Church wedding's off, my friends are awesome, future looks bright so far. | almostselfrealised | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nzvfds/this_update_made_me_so_happy_my_fiancée_24f_has/ | nzvfds | 5,935 | 1,149 | [
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2021-06-14T20:27:13 | AITA for accidentally calling out a new colleague on lying about her language skills? + UPDATE | AITA | [ORIGINAL](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/logumz/aita_for_accidentally_calling_out_a_new_colleague/) by u/throw_friescountry
Last week a new colleague "Cathy" (33f) started at my (25f) work place. She instantly stood out in the team, because she seems like someone who is very... loud and assertive? Two of my colleagues, me and Cathy were having coffee in the break room (we were the only ones in there and we were sitting far apart), when the subject of travel was brought up. My colleague said she wasn't booking trips anymore because it'll probably get cancelled because of covid anyway. Cathy, immediately cut in about how sad she is because she travels so often and she goes on these far "exotic" trips to Europe as her hobby. When I think exotic I think the Bahamas or something instead of Europe but. Cool.
Cathy then jokes about how all this "no travel business" is making her fear that she'll lose some of her foreign language skills. I asked what languages she spoke. She claimed to be fluent in 3 European languages, among which were French and Dutch. Cathy said she was "at a native speaker level" and went on about how people in Europe were always surprised when they found out she wasn't from there.
I was excited, because I never get to speak Dutch over here. I was raised in Belgium, which has three national languages: French and Dutch (which are my mother tongues and the most commonly spoken there) and German. It's quite common to be pretty fluent in at least two out of the three languages in Belgium, because you're required to learn them at school (along with English) from a young age. I told Cathy "oh leuk, dan hebben we iets gemeenschappelijk!" ("oh fun, we have something in common then!")
She immediately pulled this sour face and asked me if that was supposed to be Dutch. I said yes. She laughed awkwardly and said she "couldn't understand because I have a terrible accent and must not be that good at speaking it." Now see, I don't have an accent. I speak Dutch more fluently than I speak English. I told Cathy that I grew up speaking Dutch and speak it to my family all the time.
She got miffed and asked what languages I speak and where I'm from. I told her I'm from Belgium, so I also speak French and I added "which you just said you speak as well, cool! We can speak French instead!" I acknowledge that I was a bit of a dick here, because by that point I knew she probably lied about speaking French as well. She then shoved her chair back and angrily got up, said "whatever" and stomped off. It was awkward. My other colleagues just kinda shrugged and said she shouldn't have lied.
However, she later approached me and told me I embarrassed her by acting "superior" about my European heritage. I told her there was no way for me to know she'd lied about speaking those languages. She rolled her eyes and told me I was immature. A colleague told me that Cathy had called me a "little b-word who enjoys bullying new colleagues" behind my back later. I don't think I was a bully at all, but I don't want this to turn into a huge thing. Do I just apologize to keep the peace? AITA?
________________________________________________________________________
Edit1: I'm not sure about escalating this to HR, which a lot of people have told me I have to do. I feel like this might make me look immature to the rest of my colleagues (of which I am the youngest) and it might not need to go that far... It depends on if Cathy is willing to put this behind her and be professional. If all else fails I do have "witnesses" who would be honest about what happened, so I think I might be in the clear if she tries to twist the story.
Edit2: Some people have taken offense to me giving the Bahamas as an example of an "exotic" place and are trying to make this into a race issue. I didn't know "exotic" was an offensive term in the US. Do I think of The Netherlands, Belgium, England, Norway, which were countries she was describing as being faraway exotic destinations, as my idea of an exotic trip? No. Not because there's a lot of white people there, but because when I think of exotic I think of a place with nice sunny weather, white sand beaches and a blue ocean. Maybe it's because I'm from Belgium, but I don't really feel like being in my home country where it's dark and rainy all the time is quite that experience.
Edit3: Some people think she might not have understood me because she is fluent in Dutch, but learned it in the Netherlands, which has different accents. While it is true that The Netherlands and Flandres have different accents, I didn't speak a very specific dialect like West-Flemish or something. I spoke the general Dutch you'd see in the news in Flandres. I didn't speak quickly to try and make it incomprehensible to set her up. I genuinely believed she spoke Dutch because that's what she was saying, so I talked to her in normal, conversational Dutch. The same kind of Dutch I'd use in a work environment back in my home country, the same kind of Dutch I use with friends from The Netherlands. (But with a soft "g" lol.)
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nzsu2d/update_aita_for_accidentally_calling_out_a_new/)
Many people gave the advice to go to HR, others said NOT to go to HR because that would be escalating the situation. I decided not to go to HR right then, but I did take the advice to write down what happened, with the time and the names of the other colleagues present just in case. I thought the situation might blow over, because Cathy was probably just embarrassed.
Well, I was wrong. Cathy kept being cold to me, rolling her eyes at me in meetings and talking behind my back. Another colleague came to confront me at one point to ask me why I'd been so mean. Apparently Cathy was telling a different version of what happened. Cathy said that I'd said mean things to her in Dutch and was making fun of her in Dutch, so no one else but her could understand. She was smart enough to only tell these stories to colleagues who weren't actually there for it. Word got around and it turned into a bigger issue, with a couple people actually questioning my character, mostly just colleagues that don't work very close to me.
HR got wind of it after a while and I got called in close to a month after the incident. They had already met with Cathy and she'd told them the "she cursed me out in Dutch and was very mean to me" story. I told them the full story and everything that happened after. They asked me if there was anyone else present who could confirm this, so those colleagues came and told them that Cathy had lied about speaking a language, stormed out and then started calling me a b-word etc. to others. They thanked me for my time and I got on with work.
Nothing happened until a week later when I was informed that Cathy was asked to leave. Apparently Cathy had doubled down on the lies and told everyone I was the one lying and she did speak those languages, so my boss told her in that case she'd have no problem talking to one of our Canadian colleagues (who wasn't involved in the situation) in French in front of him, just to confirm. At this point Cathy admitted she had been lying. It turned out she didn't speak a word of French either, or Norwegian, which was the third language she was lying about. This was enough for them to let her go, because part of the reason they hired her was that they were so impressed by her speaking multiple languages and work experiences she'd had abroad. The work experiences were made up as well.
I'm just happy it's over. I'm confident it wasn't really my fault it blew up now, if it wasn't me who caught her in a lie, someone else probably would have down the line. The few people who kind of believed her ended up coming to me and apologizing for questioning me about what happened, so that's all sorted. | red_earaches | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nzw560/aita_for_accidentally_calling_out_a_new_colleague/ | nzw560 | 7,889 | 283 | [
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2021-06-14T22:16:15 | OP’s boyfriend has opinions on where she lives but OP is an independent woman with standards | AITA | [original post on AITA](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nyuofn/wibta_for_renting_a_flat_my_so_hates/) from u/EffectiveAfraid5070
**I don’t know if OP will update again but I’m so impressed with how competent she sounds and I hope for the best for her and that her BF gets it together. **
I’m [23F] moving to my SO’s [30M] country in about 2 weeks. I’m making the leap from Canada to the UK.
I’ve been flat hunting to be able to have a place before I go as I’ll be immediately starting a new job there and won’t have time to go to viewings etc. In the day of virtual viewings, this really isn’t an issue to me.
I found a place a 10min walk to work and a 30min walk or 15min bus ride to my SO’s. I’m getting my own place as he’s currently unemployed and living with his family, so until he can afford to move out I decided to live in my own space to establish some independence in a new city.
He absolutely hates the place I’ve chosen because it’s not as close to his as he’d like and he is convinced it’s just a shitty place. He thinks it doesn’t look nearly as good as others we’ve seen, and I just disagree. He’s said things to me like “you usually have good taste, but you’ve never been this far off the mark”, “people are going to pester me and ask why I let you live there”, “I’m going to be sad if you take this place”. He’s just convinced I can do much better, and maybe if I had more time, I could. But this is also one of very few places that approved of me having a cat.
I’m running out of time to find a place to live for me and my cat, and I really didn’t think I’d have to deal with the added pressure of choosing someplace he would approve of.
I would hate to make what’s supposed to be a happy time a conflict instead. Would I be the asshole if I took the place anyway?
EDIT: I’d like to thank you all for the comments, especially those who provided me with helpful resources regarding the move. Thank you thank you thank you!!!
I’d like to clarify a few things regarding some concerns lots of people seem to have.
I did not plan to move before I landed a job in the UK, and the job is a huge upgrade for my career, I am thrilled to have gotten it and would have absolutely taken it regardless of my relationship. I moved to Canada all by myself independent of my family for school, and then chose to stay. I grew up in Montreal, my family relocated to another country, and I chose to return. I’ve been on my own since I was 17 and so this whole move is definitely not a first for me. I am going into the UK on a visa completely independent of my SO, so if things go south, I will be ok on my own!
Another major concern I’ve seen is the possibility of him moving in with, or without my permission/knowledge. I’m fully aware I have trouble setting boundaries and being firm, I am working on this everyday, but this is something I have made CRYSTAL clear to him: we are NOT moving in together until he is employed and able to pitch in 50/50! I’ve even given him a timeline of 4 weeks after my move to get a job (not move in, that can happen whenever). If that standard is not met, I will walk away from this. And he knows it.
EDIT 2: I asked the landlord to go on a month-to-month basis and he agreed! So worst case scenario I can just leave if I don’t like it.
I have taken every single comment to heart, and will have a lot in mind moving forward both with the move and my relationship. Thank you all.
Cat Tax: https://imgur.com/aeSCvA4 | mirror_lily | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nzyl0y/ops_boyfriend_has_opinions_on_where_she_lives_but/ | nzyl0y | 3,481 | 75 | [
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2021-06-14T22:58:04 | OP’s coworker was lying about being multilingual... is OP an AH for trying to talk to her in one of those languages? | AITA | [deleted] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nzzft0/ops_coworker_was_lying_about_being_multilingual/ | nzzft0 | 9 | 0 | [
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2021-06-14T23:06:54 | AITA for not disclosing why I have a Service Dog or what’s in my backpack to an autistic child | r/DaddyCringe | *Some context: OP posted this AITA question on r/DaddyCringe, a sub where a YouTube channel called Mark Narrations has viewers submit their posts to be read in his videos. OP said he likes to post in this sub because the redditors there are much kinder than those in AITA but will still give you a judgment.*
[Original Post In r/DaddyCringe](https://www.reddit.com/r/DaddyCringe/comments/n02qll/aita_for_not_disclosing_why_i_have_a_service_dog/)
AITA for not disclosing why I have a Service Dog or what’s in my backpack to an autistic child
I’m having conflicting issues with this and need some outside perspective. So Reddit I hope that you can help me.
I (31F) have a neurological condition from a complication after surgery and autism. My medical teams got together and decided that a service dog would help me live an independent life. Now Shadow is a 4 yr old Aussie Retriever (Australian Cattle Dog/Golden Retriever). Shadow makes going out easier and less overstimulating. Now 2 days ago I was in Walmart, Shadow by my side, my medical backpack on and all I need is VELCRO. That’s all I needed.
Shadow will have an autism awareness patch or bandana. This is just to let others know that if I hand flap, I’m not high. I’m trying to calm down. Now I’m on the crafting section when I’m snuck up from behind by a little boy about 10 or 11 years old trying to get into my medical backpack. Like literally trying to unzip it and dig through to take everything out.
Me - “Excuse me, but that isn’t yours.”
Little Boy - “But I NEED to know. Just let me see and touch!”
Me “I don’t know you. So no.”
He threw himself on the floor about to throw a tantrum…where he came face to snoot with Shadow. That is when his Mom and Grandma show up. I’m thinking that this situation is over. I was wrong.
Mom - “What’s going on here? What did you do?!”
Me - “He starting opening my backpack and tried to take things out without even asking me.”
Mom – “Oh he’s autistic. If he sees something he goes mental until he takes everything out.”
Now I get what the Mom is trying to say “Please just show him your backpack to avoid a meltdown” but in my backpack is my dog’s gear that I have to carry around and emergency meds (including EpiPen’s). This is something my own parents don’t even go into without my knowledge.
Me – “I’m sorry but I have meds that I don’t want him to get into sorry.”
Little Boy – “Why do you have that dog? What’s wrong with you?”
Grandma – “Just tell him. You’ll be an ableist for not letting him know!”
This is I would be/think that I an asshole.
I said, “I’m autistic. I’m not saying anything or letting him in my bag.”
And the meltdowns started.
Mom started begging “Please just let him know. 5 minutes and we will be gone.”
Shadow started tasking, I still said no and walked away having Shadow guide me out of the store. I had a meltdown of my own outside Walmart. I didn’t get my Velcro for Shadow’s patches.
But was/AITA? My parents didn't let me do that or if I had a meltdown they removed me from the situation but didn't make excuses for me or let me do what I wanted.
[Update ](https://www.reddit.com/r/DaddyCringe/comments/n1etc4/update_aita_for_not_disclosing_why_i_have_a/)
Hey Reddit I’m back with (what I think is a positive ending) to my previous post. I’ve been watching Mark for a while now so it was great hearing from the YouTube comments as well for my verdict.
So after that video I decided to try my hand at Walmart again (still needed Velcro for Shadow’s patches and a few things for dinner). I was on the crafting section once again with Shadow when I felt a tug on the side handle of my medical backpack I turned to see the same little boy (about 10 or 11 yrs old) looking at me and then looking at Shadow and then back at me. He turned and I saw his Mom, Dad, and Grandma encouraging him to do something. The little boy looked back at me.
Little Boy – “I’m sorry about butting into you medical bag and asking questions. Dad said I was lucky that you didn’t pepper spray me.”
Me – “I want to apologize too. I should have answered your questions about Shadow but I was on the verge of a meltdown too and needed to get away.”
Mom (finally moving closer to help the situation if it got out of hand) – “Who’s Shadow?”
Me (putting Shadow in a sit so she’s eye level to the little boy whose crouching to see her Rick and Morty patches and autism bandana) – “This is Shadow. I’m having a good day. Would you like to say hello?”
As the Little Boy is talking to Shadow, he’s asking about her and about her patches. I explained that she’s my special girl, that she goes with me everywhere, that you should always ask to pet before doing so, how she helps me, etc. When I remember something in my medical bag.
Me (looking up at Mom) – “When I was younger one of the things that I found helped me control my urges and triggers was focusing activities. Do you notice items like that help {insert little boy’s first name}?”
Mom – “Yes but we’ve tried all the ones available. Nothing we have tried with the help of his therapist has worked since he broke his last cube.”
I turned to my backpack and got out one of my old focusing cubes (to be honest it was a rubik cube with numbers instead of colors). I didn’t need it anymore and was planning on donating it to my autism center but I found someone who needed it now.
Me – “This helped me and my parents out on more than one occasion when I was younger. Maybe it can help you?”
The Mom looked like I just gave her a check for a million dollars. “Thank you. I should have gotten help when he was younger but no one gave help.”
With that I gave her the number to my old autism center, a therapist who specializes in autism and assistive techniques for the family, and my vocational rehabilitation office that my counselor is in. I wanted to help them and they wanted to know if autism service dogs help.
When we parted ways at the food section, there were no meltdowns. Little Boy was finally going to get help with his family. I had my Velcro. Today was a good day.
[OP's Dog Tax](https://preview.redd.it/47f8z59qk6w61.jpg?width=1932&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6786ae8132be4c102ba8e724fca013d07f9f5eb5) | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/nzzmh5/aita_for_not_disclosing_why_i_have_a_service_dog/ | nzzmh5 | 6,255 | 177 | [
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2021-06-15T14:11:13 | UPDATE I’m (15M) pretty sure my mom (54F) has a secret girlfriend (30-40s??F), how do I let her know I’m okay with it | Relationships | [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/o0eoar/update_im_15m_pretty_sure_my_mom_54f_has_a_secret/)
[Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/nynzaa/im_15m_pretty_sure_my_mom_54f_has_a_secret/)
The kid made his mom rainbow pancakes and they had a great talk
‐--‐--‐-‐-------------------------------------------------------------
**Original post:**
My parents are divorced but they still live close to eachother. I alternate weeks with them, though during COVID I’ve spent more time with my mom because I have very young half-siblings on my dads side. For the past few months there’s a lady whose come here 3 times and stayed at our house for the weekend. Mom introduced her as a colleague and said that they’re working on a project together. My mom is a prof and whenever I see them they’re mostly talking about research, so I thought that was normal.
But a few weeks ago my aunt happened to mention that my mom has flown to the city where the other lady lives a couple of times, on the weeks when I’m with my dad. Last night I overheard my mom on the phone saying, “I miss you [Prof’s name].” and a bunch of other stuff so I don’t think they’re just research partners lol.
Anyway I don’t know if I should drop hints that I’m actually okay with it or tell her it’s no big deal. She’s from a different generation so maybe she thinks I’ll freak out but I have a lot of LGBTQ friends at school. I don’t really care as long as everyone’s happy. What do you think?
\---------------------------------------------------------------------
**Update:**
tldr: I sent Mom a text saying I just want her to be happy no matter who she’s with, without specifying anything more. She confirmed that she does have a gf and was grateful for the support :)
I just wanna say THANK YOU to everyone who gave me advice and shared their own experiences. I didnt wanna talk to my friends about this and I’m not good at expressing myself so this rly helped. On Saturday evening wrote Mom a text, saying, “I know this is kinda random but I’ve been thinking about it and if/when you start dating again I’ll be happy with whoever you choose. I’m open to anyone and will do my best to be supportive. The only thing that matters to me is that they treat you well. Good night”
The next morning I decided to make some rainbow pancakes (pancakes with food coloring and M&Ms) because as some of you had mentioned it’s Pride Month, so I wanted to show my support. Looking back maybe that was a weird thing to do idk because when Mom saw what I was doing she started laughing and asked if there was anything I wanted to talk to her about. She also brought up the text I had sent. So finally I admitted that I accidentally overheard her conversation with \[Other Prof\], and that they seem to be more than friends but I’m fine with whatever kind of relationship they have because I just want her to be happy. I also said \[Other Prof\] seems cool and I liked that she’s knowledgeable about certain topics I’m also interested in
After that mom started tearing up almost immediately and said that they’ve been together long distance since December but have known each other as colleagues for a few years. She said it’s been going really well especially now that they can travel to see eachother in person but she hasn’t told anyone because she wasn’t sure how we would react. She said she was also afraid everyone would disapprove of their age gap (the other prof is 35). I said I honestly didnt even notice until she pointed it out because to me they’re both just old (lmao sorry but it’s the truth) 😭😭 Thankfully that made her laugh. She also apologized for not telling me sooner and for assuming I wouldnt be able to figure it out but I said it was fine. She was just relieved I took it well and thanked me for being calm about it because my opinion matters to her the most.
There was a lot more sappy stuff I won’t repeat here but long story short I think everything’s good. Mom said I can see as little or as much of her gf as I’m comfortable with next time she comes by. But I said I don’t mind hanging out fir a bit especially if she helps set up my 3D printer lol. Anyway I’m glad mom seems to be happy now :) | ohdearitsrichardiii | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/o0fakp/update_im_15m_pretty_sure_my_mom_54f_has_a_secret/ | o0fakp | 4,246 | 440 | [
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2021-06-15T15:00:20 | OP is delusional and thinks she doesn't have to work or do chores just because her wife makes a lot of money. | AITA | [deleted] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/o0gdae/op_is_delusional_and_thinks_she_doesnt_have_to/ | o0gdae | 9 | 0 | [
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2021-06-15T19:28:29 | OP's boyfriend said he was in the mood to kill her. Redditors point out some major red flags. | Relationship_Advice | [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hapw69/today_my_19f_boyfriend_20m_said_he_was_in_the/) by [u/throwRAoveritall](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwRAoveritall/)
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about a year now and for the most part he’s been absolutely wonderful and I love him so much.
We have a pretty intense sex life and I’m usually really chill with that!!
However recently he’s been taking it a lil too far, like I love choking and spanking in the bedroom, but he’s started doing it in public. Like today we took our dog to the park and I said or did something he didn’t like and he spanked me!! I was shocked!
Later on in the day we were doing the deed and he started to choke me, again which I usually like. It got to a point where I properly couldn’t breath so I used our signal to stop and he just looked down at me said I’m not gonna stop because I’m in the mood to kill you. He must have seen the fear in my eyes or something and he immediately let go and like cradled me and said sorry. I thought it was just him being in the moment so I let it go.
But it happened a second time, he was just like staring at me and was whispering sweet things to me and then it took a turn to, you’re mine forever, never gonna let you go, I’ll kill you if you leave. I recoiled cause it made me uncomfortable and he like ticked me and told me it was just a joke.
Like I love this man but like wtf.... how do I bring this up with him?? Tbh I’m tempted to leave.... We both don’t have dark senses of humour so I don’t know where this came from.
How do I address this?? What should I say?
&#x200B;
(The comments on that post were just reply after reply AFTER REPLY of people telling OP that these are some major red flags and that she needs to get away from him)
&#x200B;
[UPDATE:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hb5hkn/update_my_boyfriend_said_he_was_in_the_mood_to/) (Deleted but archived on Removeddit)
I just wanted to let everyone know that I am out and I am safe!!
I'm from Australia, so I posted that at like 10pm thinking i'd only get a few responses and at first I did and read through them, and went to sleep. I woke up at 12 in the morning with an overwhelming response of supportive and concerned messages and I absolutely cannot thank you guys enough.
I had a bit of a cry, took our dog and left my now ex boyfriend at about 1 am, and am now safely at my parents house, which is about two hours away from my former house with him. Thankfully, in the year we were together he never wanted to or bothered to come up to my parents house, so he doesn't know where I am. I've turned off location services and such so that he cant find me, and I've messaged all my friends explaining the situation!
I'm so ridiculously sorry that it took me so long to update. My parents took me straight to the local police station after I explained the situation, and they saw the large purple bruising on my neck from the choking. I have been at my local police station, explaining everything to them, in hopes to be able to get an intervention order or something so that he cant contact or come near me again.
I want to thank everyone for the overwhelming support and concern. You all are such incredible people to have such genuine concern for someone you don't know! I'm someone who looks at my relationships with rose coloured glasses and this incident and your comments and advice have helped me take those off and look at look at toxicity for what it really is.
In terms of what will happen with my ex boyfriend, I've blocked him on everything, all my friends have blocked him and I absolutely will not contact him again. Him and I work together and I've put in a request for a store transfer so I'm hoping that will be approved. If not all hope is not lost as I have two jobs and will happily quit this one to never have to see that mans face again. I'm an adult and need to handle this situation like one.
My dad and older cousin are arranging to go pick up my stuff from my old house.
Thank you again so so so much, I cannot express how much you all have helped me and quite frankly I'm pretty sure you have all saved my life.
My doggie Daisy and I are very very safe at my parents house and I have a good stash of Ben and Jerry's to try help me cope.
And to all the men in my DMs calling me a slut or a whore please stop, you're really not helping... | MissBarker93 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/o0mgvw/ops_boyfriend_said_he_was_in_the_mood_to_kill_her/ | o0mgvw | 4,444 | 624 | [
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2021-06-16T01:31:14 | WIBTA if I sue my SIL for stealing my book and making a huge profit from it? | AITA | *This is a repost.* [*The original post*](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/is9p55/wibta_if_i_sue_my_sil_for_stealing_my_book_and/) *is by* [*u/stolen-ideas*](https://www.reddit.com/user/stolen-ideas/)
I (24f) write as a hobby, and I like sharing my short stories with my small following. I do want to publish one day, but I want to make it perfect first since it's not edited yet.
The unfinished book we're talking about came from an idea that I started to build when I was in middle school. I just finished it last year, but because of the virus, I was forced to put that project aside to ensure steady employment with my day job.
My brother and SIL came to visit me to introduce their baby daughter about 6 months ago. SIL just thrusted her baby into my arms even though I lack even the barest knowledge on how to hold a baby. The baby was fussy and my brother helped calm her down while SIL said she wanted to use to bathroom to pump breast milk.
They left later and I didn't think anything of it until recently that I was told SIL had published a book, and it had been a while since she published. Self-publish is not as time-consuming as traditional publishing. I don't doubt my SIL's intelligence because she is a smart woman, but I've always heard how she dislikes books cause they're boring and drags on.
I wanted to show my support and brought a copy only to realize it's way too similar to mine. I compared it to my copy of unpublished work; it's obvious it's been edited and proofread for fluidity and clarity.
I was angry and I admit I overreacted by confronting her over the phone. She said my screaming was upsetting her and hung up on me. It was a back and forth battle with phone numbers to get to the truth. By this time, my parents and her parents are involved.
\*\*\*
**Unnecessary edit because there are just too many ugly messages**: To those who think this is fake because of incoherency, grammar, and structure; it's why editors and proofreaders exist. They're hired to fix the manuscript before publishing. I didn't proofread this, and that's my fault. I like to write, but I'm not a professional writer. English is my second language. To those who think it's impossible to make lots of profit from a one-time self-published book with an unheard of author: SIL has a decent following. When her followers by the book, it climbs Amazon ranking, and that means it's more visible to other buyers interested in the same genre.
I came here not for legal advice at first because I was struggling morally. I needed help, not to have people attack me in private messages and in the comments.
**To those who only commented that this is fake or how I can't be a writer who fail at basic writing skills: if you do not have anything useful to say, please kindly keep your irrelevancy to yourself.**
&#x200B;
[*Update*](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j53rip/update_wibta_if_i_sue_my_sil_for_stealing_my_book/)
Thank you everyone for giving me advices on how to proceed with this mess.
After speaking with my pre-law friend, I decided to go the legal route. I reiterated my compromise with SIL and my brother, but he has fully taken her side. My parents warned me that I'd be disowned and I'd be dead to them if I'm willing to stoop so low.
I hired a lawyer and given all the details on my side. My lawyer said she needs my unedited manuscript for the book and my SIL's published book along with the copy SIL sent to have it proofread and edited. Because the published book has different parts changed, my lawyer needs the unedited version which SIL should still have in the transaction she did with her editor and proofreader. We took the risk to ask SIL for the unedited copy she sent to her editor & proofreader despite the chance of having her feign "I don't remember their names, I don't have their contacts anymore, I don't want to, etc." I told SIL that we will go through the route of having to use third-party notarization to ensure no foul play on either part (have 1 individual look at my unedited manuscript and the one she sent to her hired editor + proofreader).
Once I told her that, she must've realized I was not bluffing. SIL and my brother accepted the compromise (I take the pseudonym, the royalties: with evidence of sold copies). I stipulated that SIL must put a message out to her followers on her blog that she stole from me and not a single word in the book is hers. I thank the Redditors for suggesting that.
She is clearly pissed off and disgusted with me for doing this to my own family.
I threatened her with further legal proceedings if she doesn't do it. No lawsuit happened, but I'm glad I got a professional option just in case. As words got back to my parents of what I did and how dare I got a lawyer to punish SIL because her blog followers will surely lose trust in her and future revenue.
I told them and my parents that if they have anything to say, use my business email. I'm done with them. They treated an outsider (SIL one month into dating my brother) better than they ever did to me. I don't need that negativity dragging me down.
I'm happier, more free with my opinions, and I don't have to feel the need to compete with everything SIL does just to get my parents to love me a little more than a daughter in name.
I have my friends; they've always been more of a family unit to me than my biological ones. I knew I was going to lose something coming out of this, but I didn't expect I'd be okay with the disappointment and hurt.
Thank you, everyone. And no, I will not be telling anyone what the name of the book is because I only came here to get a moral judgment and update everyone on what happened. Please don't think I'm using this for clout. The book will not be promoted on Reddit: not then, not now, and not in the future either.
\*\*\*
*Edit & Mini update in the updated post*
**New Edit (11/18/20)**: Things did not go as planned. I can't give you an update now, but soon. Really sorry.
**Little update on the apology**: it's not out. She said she needed more time to prepare her emotional state and she's overworked with their child, but she'll let me know when I can have the apology.
(ʘ言ʘ╬) | SomaliMN | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/o0tmav/wibta_if_i_sue_my_sil_for_stealing_my_book_and/ | o0tmav | 6,232 | 154 | [
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2021-06-16T09:27:07 | Really short, but very sweet - "I’m gonna tell the cute guy who works on the ferry that I like his boots." /r/casualconversation | CasualConversation | ***Original:*** [***I’m gonna tell the cute guy who works on the ferry that I like his boots.***](https://www.reddit.com/r/CasualConversation/comments/knprdy/im_gonna_tell_the_cute_guy_who_works_on_the_ferry/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) ***Posted in*** /r/casualconversation
This is a huge step for me. I’m from a small town in Louisiana. Everyone knows everyone and if any of those people found out you’re gay, then that’s it. I’ve never told anyone. But, I was blessed enough to not lose my job during the pandemic. I saved up as much as I could and I did it. I escaped the small town cliche. My family and I moved to a remote island off the coast of Rhode Island only accessible by ferry.
I’ve never complimented another guy out of fear that someone would know I was gay. Any time I get the idea, I immediately picture myself getting attacked by someone who overhears, or is offended. But now that I moved, now that I can be myself, I’m gonna do it.
There’s this guy who works on the ferry. We’ve made small talk every time we run into each other. He wears these stark white boots that cut off right below the knees, and they hug his legs tight. He’s got a deep voice and a nice beard (from what I can see with his mask on). He’s around my age and he’s really cute. I’ve never said that before and it literally makes me cry that I can say that now. I don’t know if he’s gay or not - and honestly, it doesn’t really matter. It’s still a compliment and I still mean it, regardless as to whether or not that compliment goes anywhere beyond kind words.
I just wanted to share this with someone. It may be casual for others, but for me, I’m proving to myself that I’m not going to allow myself to be scared anymore. Here’s to being fearless!
EDIT: y’all he wasn’t working today 😂 I will post an update in a new post as soon as I get the chance, I promise!
***Update:*** [***\[UPDATE\] I told the cute guy who works on the ferry that I like his white boots***](https://www.reddit.com/r/CasualConversation/comments/kqiaul/update_i_told_the_cute_guy_who_works_on_the_ferry/)
*and*...
he said, “Thanks!” 🙂
or maybe it was “Thank you!” - either way, I said no problem and kept on moving.
I could not be happier right now. I actually did it!!! I confronted one of my deepest fears head on and I drop-kicked it into Neptune. I feel so free!!
I’m so sorry if this is an anticlimactic update, but for me, this was probably the best possible outcome. If something more springs from this, yay! If not, I’m more free than I’ve ever been and I’m just so genuinely happy.
Thank all of y’all for your genuine, heartfelt support on my original post. It meant more than words on a screen could ever convey. | almostselfrealised | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/o10u76/really_short_but_very_sweet_im_gonna_tell_the/ | o10u76 | 2,732 | 622 | [
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2021-06-16T13:44:06 | My sister, Rain. | Relationships | Hello!! This is one of my favourite posts :) Sharing with you all.
***Original:*** [My (18F) sister (19F) came to my graduation. Family started a huge drama-scene, and said horrid things to her. What can I do from here?](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4jl5n1/my_18f_sister_19f_came_to_my_graduation_family/)
Sorry for the new account. My sister knows I reddit, and I don't want to bring up a raw wound for her. This is gonna be long, so please bear with me. This is gonna sound hard to believe, trust me. I'm sitting here wondering if it really happened, or if I'm losing my mind and hallucinating.
Backstory:
My sister, let's call her Rain, is the oldest out of three. Our mother has never liked her for various reasons, the main one being that Rain is the one who 'ruined' her teenage years. My mom had her at 16, and very obviously resents her for this. Our family is mostly pro-life and anti-adoption, so giving Rain up or aborting her wasn't an option. Because of this, our mom has always been really cold to our sister.
Rain is also different. She is Wicca (like myself), and mainly listens to really heavy metal, and paints nude (how scandalous!) women in her free time. Our Mon tried everything to punish Rain and mold her into a 'normal' woman. It didn't work, and it just caused Rain to have some pretty bad self-esteem issues. When Rain turned 18, she fled to go live with our dad and never looked back. Mum acted like she never existed, and sadly, she made our lives a whole lot better once Rain was out of the picture.
Rain graduated last year, and my mom refused to show up or let us show up. She sent Rain a passive-aggressive card, and that was that. Rain was really upset, from what I heard, and was inconsolable for a few days. She told me she felt unloved, and worthless. It was heartbreaking to hear her say those things, and I did my best to comfort her. She got better, but I can tell she hasn't really recovered from that.
After that, she got a boyfriend and went NC with our mom. She moved several states away to live with her boyfriend, best friend, and best friend's husband. She's a lot happier now. Or at least, was until yesterday.
Fast forward to yesterday:
Rain surprised us all when she came to my graduation. She drove all the way from nothern Wisconsin to southern Texas, and it was an amazing surprise. I literally cried when I saw her, and it really made my big day so much better. Mom wasn't happy to see her, and started nitpicking on what Rain was wearing. Rain ignored her, and gave me a hug before excusing herself to a seat.
The ceremony itself came and went without fuss. Here's your diploma, get the fuck out kinda ordeal, hahaha. Afterwards, my mom was throwing a huge celebration party for me and my friends. Her friends also attended. I invited Rain, and it took a lot of convincing to get her to go. I really wish I hadn't.
Rain arrived a bit early, and had issues parking her car. My stepdad was making fun of her big-time. Her car is a standard, and she's still getting the hang of it. She can't parallel park to save her life. My stepdad said something really offensive, and I went inside.
My friends really like Rain, and were really excited to see her as well. The only people who weren't excited to see Rain was my mom, stepdad, and the family friends. They kept whispering about her like middle school girls whenever she wasn't around. It was embarrassing.
When the party started, Rain brought several large pans of her amazing brownies, and her graduation present for me. I felt really bad, because our mum's family had done fuck all for her graduation, and here she was going out of her way to bring me stuff and visit. She didn't seem to mind in the slightest.
My mom got really drunk and flat out started being mean. She called Rain a horde of names, and said Rain had gotten even more gross than when she had last seen the poor girl. I got pissed, and told my mom to knock that shit off, and proceeded to tell her that Rain was family and should be treated as such.
My mom got pissed, and she told me that Rain was a 'fucking mistake'. Mum also told me that Rain would never be 'true' family, just a nuisance and a burden. Sadly, Rain overheard this and I could tell it really hurt her.
My mom's equally as drunk friend agreed, saying it was a shame because Rain is quite smart, but a complete loser. I cannot believe this is happening. This is beyond anything mum's ever done. She has always been mean to Rain, but never like this.
Needless to say, the day was ruined. When Rain brought out her brownies for me, my mom yelled at her to stop stealing the spotlight. Rain is an excellent baker. I loved the brownies, but my mom told Rain to throw it away or get it the fuck off the table before she did it herself.
Rain was just gone. All I saw was an empty, depressed shell wandering around and trying to get tasks done like a robot. I seriously wondered if I was in some shitty soap opera, or dreaming, because this was... Just fucked in so many ways possible. I don't know what that fuck my mom's problem is.
Rain left the food hidden in my room, and left her gift with it. Nobody noticed, thank god, so nobody sabotaged her efforts. She didn't say another word the entire time, until my mom really pulled some fucked up shit.
After a couple hours, food was ready and we all were super hungry. Rain got her food, sat down next to me, and ate in total silence. My sister is a bouncy, cheerful, chatty woman normally. This was ruining my day, so I tried to keep mum away from her. When I went inside to do a couple things, I came back out to my mom yelling at Rain.
She said horrible things to my sister, and rubbed the fact that she would never have something like this in her entire life in her face. Rain was crying, and I screamed at my mom to shut the fuck up. I told my mom she was a shitty mother, and how dare she treat her own child like that. Mum yelled back at me, saying Rain would never be her child, and that she wished Rain would just fuck off already.
Everything got really silent. Rain gave me a hug, told me she loved me, then grabbed her dog that she had to leave behind when she first moved out, and left. I was furious. My friends and I left after telling mom how horrible she was, and tried to catch up with my sister. It was pointless, so we turned around and went back home. She was speeding big-time, and got too far away to reasonably follow.
Rain has not spoken to any of us since. She hasn't been on Facebook, and her boyfriend said she made it home fine, but instantly went to bed and hasn't woken up since she got there.
I don't know what to do. Our mom is pretending like nothing happened, and fakes confusion when I angrily confront her about the bullshit she pulled yesterday. I'm so, so lost. Rain is a wonderful and amazing sister, she didn't do anything to deserve any of that. Between crying and being angry, I haven't been able to figure out what to do from here.
What can I do to help Rain? I love her a lot and I really look up to her. She's an amazing person, and it really fucked me up to see her be treated like this by our own family. I know she needs my support, but idk how to help.
**TL:DR,** Sister came to graduation from several states away as a surprise. Was treated like a dog, and constantly verbally abused from the minute she got there. Mom got wasted, and ripped her apart. Sister went home, was officially disowned, and I'm confused and angry as to what the fuck just happened.
\---------------
[UPDATE: My (18F) sister (19F) attended my graduation. Family treated her horribly.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4k24ml/update_my_18f_sister_19f_attended_my_graduation/)
So my original post didn't get much attention, but I got some assistance! Thanks to those who helped. <3
So I finally got ahold of Rain after a surprisingly short amount of time. Apparently, this was normal behaviour displayed by mom to her when we were growing up. My brother (15M) and I never noticed it, but we understand now. Better late than never, I guess :/
I talked to Rain and offered my support. She appreciated it, and we had a really deep conversation. I found out a lot of really terrible shit that mom had done to her, and it is pushing me closer to moving out. The only thing stopping me is fear of my mother and for my brother, honestly. I think that's understandable, though.
Thankfully, I learned that Rain is in therapy and getting help. She said it really helps, but mom's comments are still hurtful and offensive, that's why she cried. I told her to not worry, because showing emotion is just part of being human.
Rain is also planning on helping fund my move-out when my friends and I can find a place. She and I both want me out of that toxic environment. What mom did and has done to Rain makes me literally nauseous. I may be overreacting, but it's bad to me.
Thanks so much for all the help! This update is kinda scattered cuz it's been a weird couple of days haha.
TL;DR, Talked to sister, offered support. Learned mom has done horrid things to her, felt bad for not noticing before. Planning to move out of this toxic environment, sister has offered to fund my move out when I'm ready. All is well. <3
EDIT: Thanks for the support guys. I'll try to respond to comments, but I'm super busy trying to get my affairs in order at the moment. If I don't reply immediately, I apologise!
\--------------
[My sister, Rain.](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/4kcu3z/my_sister_rain/)
Rain is what gently falls from the sky, tears of clouds that cannot carry the burden any longer and must relieve themselves. The beautiful smells, sounds, and appearances that come with rain cannot even begin to describe the ethereal being that is my sister.
Rain was our mother's first child. She was what 'ruined' her life, for Rain was born to my mother out of wedlock, and at 16. Pro-life, and anti-adoption, my mother kept Rain out of obilagtion. Her resentment was cast upon Rain like hell falls upon the demons.
Rain was abused. She was beaten down at every turn, every opportunity. When our mother would spoil my brother and I, she'd neglect Rain. Perhaps, partially out of jealousy. My sister has long, deep black hair that falls down to her waist in straight waves, skin as fair as day, but beautifully olive in undertones, and adorns a beauty that even a queen of faeries would beg to obtain. My mother is plain, at best. She envied Rain, and neglected her to prevent her own child's beauty from overshadowing her plain, ugly soul.
It didn't seem like an issue to me at first. I'd give Rain many of the clothing our mother bought for me, for she and I were nearly identical in size. I thought our mother did this intentionally so that I'd share with my sister. In reality, my mother couldn't care less about her daughter.
The first thing that began to shatter my reality was witnessing our mother raise a hand to Rain. She's shaky, nervous, and timid under the wrath of our mother. In an attempt to please this monster, Rain cleaned the house one day while she was gone. As Rain put away dishes, mom came home to instantly chasitise her. Understandably upset, Rain began to cower and dropped a dish.
Our mother sent Rain reeling with the hit she delivered. I watched my sister physically struggle to keep herself upright, only to fall as she pedaled back from the force of the assault. Neither knew I was there, but I fled like a coward instead of standing up for Rain.
Instances such as this repeated over time as we all grew up, worsening in severity according to my sister's accounts. Rain fled to live with our father while he still resided in the states, and never looked back. Mother made my brother and I's lives heavenly. Anything we wanted was at our disposal. It was as if Rain never existed.
The abuse continued. Mother would send Rain horrible messages and verbally thrash her when Rain made the attempt to reconcile for lunch or a coffee. Eventually, Rain stopped trying. She began dating a man as beautiful and wonderful as herself, and fled far away.
When a special day for her came up, only a horrible card was sent. Our mother didn't even bother showing up. The card caused Rain emotional agony, and my poor sister was unable to cope for weeks. Though she pulled through, she never recovered fully.
On the same type of occasion for myself, a party was thrown. When Rain had the 'audacity' to show her face, she was more or less disowned and verbally abused the entire time. Rain ran once more, being called a coward from the moment she set foot our to the moment she vanished.
I was done dealing with this abuse for her sake. Rain had never done a damned thing. She was a goddess, above all of her mistreatment and agony to ensure love was distributed to her younger siblings. Her gentle touch as healing as an otherworldly entity to suit. She didn't deserve a damn thing done to her in spite. When I stood up for her, the anger was dealt out to this wonderful human.
Even after being torn down by an evil, soul-sucking black hole, she still offered to fund my escape. She still offered to take the vile entity to court to gain access to our younger brother. She still fought tooth and nail to protect us, even though she was the one who needed to be protected.
My sister Rain is a being above this world. She is a soul sent down from another dimension where love and empathy for other spirits must run rampant.
She did not deserve her abuse, but she ensures others do not have to suffer.
My sister Rain is a hero in disguise, and I'll never be able to tell in words how much I love and appreciate all she does for this world, and us, despite her own hardships.
\-----------
Some of OPs comments -
No contact. I'm her golden child I guess (still learning about all the terms and such), but she still gets nasty towards my brother and I when we talk about Rain. I never saw exactly how horrid she was until she came untethered. I'm just worried about bro now :/ Rain and I escaped, but he has a tad bit over 2 years before he can run.
Thank you thank you thank you! I can't say it enough. I'm really happy that I'm doing the right thing for my sister and our relationship. Hopefully when my brother turns 18, he can join us in the whole 'our mom was terrible but that doesn't mean we have to be' party. I really appreciate your reinforcement. Thank you. | Ddog78 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/o157qm/my_sister_rain/ | o157qm | 14,696 | 138 | [
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2021-06-16T14:07:27 | This person finds her bio father | r/23andme | So pleased for OP, she has been looking for her bio father for nearly three years, and finally found him through DNA.
Originally posted byu/punksrnotded on 23andme (1 month ago)
HER TITLE: Ordered another test for my potential dad, after narrowing it down via matches in my results.
I was looking for my Dad, and I think I've finally found him. We've spoken a few times and he thinks he could be it too, especially after his family (cousins) have linked to mine. Also, he was in an on/off relationship with my mum before I was born.
So, I scraped, saved, sold things and finally bought another test yesterday. It was sent out this morning, and hopefully should be here by the end of the week!
Mine took a month from beginning to end, so I'm really hoping his will be the same. I can't connect until I have proof. I've already made the mistake of making assumptions in 2019.
If he turns out to be my dad, it means I'll have a sister and aunts and a big addition to my family.
I'm excited!
UPDATE (Four days ago)
Posted byu/punksrnotded 4 days ago
Bio dad found. I'm done. Overjoyed to finally be able to stop searching! Thank you 23&Me!
I know who my mum is, but she didn't know who the dad was. I started looking in September 2018. Thought it was someone who had died and was told in February this year that it couldn't be. That person helped me narrow it down. I found him in March 2021 and sent the test in for him last day of April.
My mum was (an addict) before and after I was born. I was born addicted to heroin and nearly died. She went to prison until I was nine, then came out and moved 150 miles away to recover. Which she did for a good eight to nine years. She relapsed more than ten years ago and hasn't been back sober since.
I was raised by my grandparents, my grandad I called dad. I have met my bio dad twice and spoken to him a couple more times. He's an addict, but I will keep in touch. (I don't really want to deal with both of my parents being addicts, but I will keep in touch and be understanding.)
I have a sister. I asked him for the spit to do the test and as soon as the DNA was computed we showed up on each other’s profile. I'm relieved to find him, as I now know where I'm from. He's an alright guy, surprised that I even exist but is happy to build a relationship if I'd like one.
But yes, definitely no more anxiety now. I have family members from that side messaging and phoning me from yesterday. So I'm very excited! | haaskaalbaas | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/o15q81/this_person_finds_her_bio_father/ | o15q81 | 2,476 | 96 | [
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2021-06-16T14:25:30 | Boyfriend's Mom Wants OP To Board Her Dog During Mom's Self Invited Visit | AITA | [Original Post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gixeyq/aita_for_not_sending_my_dog_to_boarding_while_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Background:
I adopted my dog, Tank, when I was 20. He had minor issues (leash walking and prey drive). Issues I fixed. This dog is a saint, never bit anyone or shown aggression. He is a very well trained dog. He’s now 5 years and 60lbs.
Now: My boyfriend (24m) and I (24f) live in an apartment with my dog. We moved in together last year but we’ve been dating for 4 years.
In December, my bf’s mom invited herself to come visit in July (provided everything is good by then). Now when she decided this, we were under the impression she would stay at a hotel or something. We live in a small (read SMALL) two bedroom apartment, but we use the second room as a shared office space. But whatever, we’ll deal. We can throw in a bed and move the room around.
But three weeks ago, she was talking to my bf saying she would be staying for two weeks bc she wanted to sightsee (we live in a city) and because she really wanted to be with us. I could tell he was happy about this because he misses her and he doesn’t get to see her a lot because we live far away from her. I wasn’t going to argue with it, I know it makes him happy.
But then she called again last week. And she told my bf she wouldn’t feel comfortable if Tank was in the apartment with her because he’s “big and you can’t trust dogs like that.” She said she didn’t feel comfortable with his size or breed. She said that he could be unpredictable because I got him at a yearish old and don’t know about his past. She asked my bf if he would have MY dog boarded the whole time while she was here.
He brought it up three days ago and I immediately said no. He asked me if I would think about it and I said I no again. Now he’s angry with me.
I’m fine with her staying with us. Fine with her staying for TWO weeks. Fine with having to move our office around and buy a bed to accommodate her. I’m fine with her staying here by herself while we’re at work. I’m fine with all of that.
But I draw the line at leaving Tank at a boarding facility for two weeks straight. I’ve never done something like that with him. I don’t want to risk anything. I even looked into it (just at the pricing) and it’s too expensive! This is his home, he deserves to stay here.
I’ve never had a problem with her before, but this is ridiculous! She’s never met Tank in person before, but she gets a lot of pictures and videos of him. And when we video chat with her, sometimes he joins in. She’s never said anything about her concerns before. I feel like she’s judging him before she even meets him. He isn’t a bad dog. But she doesn’t want him at the apartment while he’s there AT ALL.
AITA because I won’t board Tank while she visits?
[Update ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/h05hah/update_aita_for_not_sending_my_dog_to_boarding/)
After a week of angry silence, waiting for each other to bring this up, I bypassed my bf and went to his mom.
I reached out, talked about her feelings for Tank. It started out pleasant. Then I told her that bf said she wanted my dog boarded, I asked why she didn’t feel comfortable with Tank.
Direct quote: “You don’t know what his past is, he’s big and unpredictable and I don’t want to be staying with that. It would be different if you knew, but you don’t. I just don’t feel comfortable sharing a space with a dog that may attack me for going pee in the middle of the night or grabbing a cup of water!”
I was angry and didn’t want to scream and make her upset, so I very politely said “If you don’t feel comfortable living with Tank for two weeks, even though your own son has been since August, you can stay in a hotel when you visit.” And I hung up on her.
Bf got home a few hours later and was angry because I talked to her, made her upset and hung up on her. Now she thinks I hate her. He said I wasn’t being fair to her.
I asked why he wanted me to board Tank so badly. Bf knows he wouldn’t attack her or do anything aggressive towards her.
And all he had to say was boiled down to “Can’t you just do it to make this whole thing easier? He’s a dog.”
We argued. At some point, in circles. How Tank is a dog. He doesn’t get rights in the apartment. And things got worse when I asked what would happen in the future if we were still together and she decided to visit when we were living in a house. (Irk, kinda unbelievable, millennials owning a home? Laughable.) He said that would be different because we could “put him in another room, or something.”
So... my dog has to be penalized for living in our home with us when your mom visits?
I said it on my last post and I’ll say it again: When I adopted Tank, I took on the responsibility of taking care of him, making him my first priority, treating him with respect as he is a living creature. I see him as I would a child, I do the same things for him as someone does for a child. He is family, four paws or not.
I made a clear choice that night. While his mother may still be visiting whenever it is safe to do so, it won’t be in this apartment.
We came a truth: This and other things we talked about are big and can’t be ignored. We realized we don’t want the same things. And that’s not something you can compromise on.
So this all started with my- what I thought would eventually be- my future mother in law wanting me to board my dog, and ended up with me and bf mutually breaking up after 4 years of dating.
We understand in the long run, it wouldn’t have worked out.
Thank you Reddit for making me realize we needed to have this conversation. It was important, and I’m glad it was done now and not later on down the road.
[OP's Dog Tax](https://i.imgur.com/XTwaPz4.jpg) | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/o164co/boyfriends_mom_wants_op_to_board_her_dog_during/ | o164co | 5,848 | 618 | [
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2021-06-16T14:42:51 | Woman Is Angry With Husband Over Easter Tradition | AITA | [Original Post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mkrk5q/aita_for_being_angry_at_my_husband_over_his/)
AITA for being angry at my husband over his favourite tradition?
So as it is that time of a year again, I decided to ask you guys whether I really am the asshole here, as I am the only one who thinks I'm not, in this scenario.
So me (28f) and my husband (30m) live in Central Europe. We have this really old tradition in our country during Easter, on Easter Monday, where men go from door to door and pour a bucket of water on women and spray them with perfume and spank them with braided twigs made from willow or birch. In this tradition, it should represent that they want women to be healthy and fertile and so on.
For me - I hate the tradition. It used to be brutal, as a kid, because I grew up in a village. There you had every boy from 5 to 20 years old ringing your doorbell and then pouring ice-cold water on a fully dressed me, very often in pretty low temperatures outside, while other guys held my arms so I wouldn't run. I just hate the cold water, the scaring, feeling drenched in my own clothes, cold, helplessness.
Now it's more of a symbolic way, where I would get sprayed by only the closest men in my and my husband's family, symbolically, with a water bottle.
My husband loves this, tho. It is so fun for him to the point he gets giddy when Easter Monday is coming up. He tries to think of the most elaborate way how to jump scare me at our home and drench me with cold water. And every year, without fault, we have a huge fight about it, as I spend my entire day walking on eggshells and fearing every corner.
Guys, I tried talking to him nicely, at first. I sat him down and explained everything to him, why I hate the tradition to the point I dread it a full week before, his answer is always: "I don't care", "my wife cannot be not drenched" "I don't give a damn how you feel about it, I'm going to do it anyways so just get used to it" and along those lines.
We visited our in-laws today and the talk moved to the Easter Monday tradition. My husband said that he decided to do it in the evening when we get back, so he doesn't have his entire day ruined by me being angry at him. Everybody, including my MIL and my SIL, turned to me and said that to just suck it up, it's a tradition, we cannot let our ancient traditions die out like this, it's only one day in a year and "it's not like I have trauma about it". Basically everybody made me the asshole that just ruins my husband's fun day because I can't just let it go and let it happen for those short minutes.
Now we're at home and my husband is angry at me for being... angry at him, for saying what he said earlier about doing it in the evening, as "am I angry even before he's done anything" and that now he can just "do it anyways as now he has nothing to lose".
I think it's stupid, it makes me anxious, and I hate it. But the truth is, it is only one time in an entire year and it is a long-standing tradition many of the women in our country love, as well as my husband. So, Reddit, AITA?
[Update ](https://www.reddit.com/user/_sabnic_/comments/mlacuj/update_aita_for_being_angry_at_my_husband_over/)
Hi guys, decided to post an update, and as I cannot do that yet on my original post without exceeding 3000 characters, I decided to follow the sub rules and post on my own profile and link the post on AITA sub.
First, thank you guys so much for so, so many kind words. I did not expect to everybody NTA me so hard, to the point I was feeling ridiculous even posting on AITA because people were so unilateral about me being NTA. It got to the point I got crossposted to some other, satirical sub, where they called me out for creative writing and just googling stuff up and making it up for free, obvious karma.
I read all of the comments and advices and I'm so grateful for each and every one. I never thought it would gain so much traction on the post, or that people will be that horrified about the tradition.
The main point of this entire post was, that I was made to feel like the weird one, like the party pooper, the killjoy, the asshole, my entire life, by not liking it. I locked myself in my bedroom, hid, while my mom had to, embarrassed, explain to the guys that this will be not happening today, as I'm just being "stubborn", and then bearing the brunt of the drenching. It's not like I hated it from the beginning, when I was little, I actually was made to love it, as it was about attention. When I grew older, I realised that the cold water and the discomfort and all that stuff started to greatly outweight the attention I got from it as a girl. Then I was pushed to just "wait it out" by the rest of my family, parents, all of the people around me, as "it's not a big deal" and "all of the girls do it, so why can't you" and my favorite "we have to uphold our traditions".
Believe me, if you were here (Slovakia, to those who were wondering), you'd definitely see everybody calling me the asshole for fighting it. It is so deeply rooted into our traditions and culture, it's (as I said on this other sub) like saying you hate 4th of July, or Thanksgiving, with a passion. It's unheard of here, basically. I have seen tv news reports from "Dyngus day during Covid" where girls wait on the edge of their property for "socially distanced" drenching. Like, it's fucking ridiculous, and to everybody around me, I'm the crazy person. So that's why I was writing on the sub.
To the update part - I did get water on me yesterday. I was getting undressed for shower before bed, while standing near a bathtub, and I could see him pooling warm water into his hand and then he splashed me with it a bit and then he hugged me. He told me he wishes me great health and then he asked me if that was okay for me as long as upholding traditions go (I told him in the morning it would be okay if he did it when I was naked and with warm water, and when I expect it, in our bathroom, that would make all of my anxiousness go away).
Then we went to sleep and I explained everything once again, using the points from the comments, that I don't mind the tradition if it's done when people want and expect it, but I hate that he makes me feel like my feelings don't matter because he wants to have fun. That it is disgusting, and what kind of a message does it send for our relationship? How do I know he will not do it again, but in another aspect of our marriage, just downplay and outright ignore my feelings about other stuff?
That it don't have to only be his grandma who has trauma about it. Told him again how awful it is to go through it when you're not the willing participant, when everybody has so much fun except you. That he has to know that it wasn't just my "brother" or my "dad" like it was when he was growing up, it was the entire boy population of our, although small, village. That it's something that leaves a mark.
He asked me why did I not say anything when my FIL sprayed a whole syringe of water right into my face when we came for a visit yesterday. I said to him that I was so shocked and so much playing the role of "a nice girl" I was told to be since I was little, that I couldn't react. And I told him it will not happen again, as I will not be nice the next time, since I had enough.
He was silent and mortified through all of this, and said that he never planned to do it like he did last year, when I was so shocked I broke down crying. I told him I was anxious the entire night, fearing every corner, and I will not be feeling unsafe in my own home (we live on our own in our own house). He told me he never does it for sick fun of scaring me, and if it this is how it looks to me, to which I said yes. He told me that we will update the tradition then to what I want, warm water, no jump scares, naked, before shower. And then he said I can do the revenge on him the next day anywhere I want, if that will make me feel a bit better.
He told me he honestly doesn't understand my hate towards this tradition, as everybody else loves it, but he said that never, in our entire 5 years we've been together, he made me feel like my feelings and wants are ignored and don't matter and doesn't want to start now. And then I told him I never, ever want him to speak to me like that, in front of his family or in private.
I know many of you couldn't believe he's understanding in everything else in our life, as it does look like this tradition gives free reign to his true, inner asshole. But we've gone through so much together, mainly because of my own health problems, and he's never been anything other than, well, very mindful to my feelings on stuff. That's why I was so shocked he decided to just "cancel" me like that, cause it's very unusual of him and it kind of freaked me out. One redditor pointed out to me, that it maybe made him feel like he's singled out of a general, harmless fun and he lashed out at me like this.
So, yeah, all in all, he apologized, we compromised so he still gets to keep his tradition, to which he said was supposed to be all about "blessing me with good health, not scarring me", and I get to keep my home a safe zone where I'm not ignored by my own husband and where I'm not hurt emotionally. I'm still an asshole to the rest of the people in my life, but this is a small victory, after all. And it is also thanks to you all.
---------
*I am adding a couple of links into this repost of articles about Wet Monday/Dyngus Day*
[Article 1](https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/world/2015/apr/06/easter-monday-tradition-whipping-slovakia-girls-health)
[Article 2](https://www.google.com/amp/s/theculturetrip.com/europe/poland/articles/a-brief-history-of-polands-easter-tradition-of-dumping-water-on-women/%3famp=1) | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/o16ic6/woman_is_angry_with_husband_over_easter_tradition/ | o16ic6 | 9,829 | 248 | [
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2021-06-16T23:21:53 | AITA for kicking my friend off our vacation for making a joke about my boyfriend? | AITA | AITA for kicking my friend off our vacation for making a joke about my boyfriend?
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nz4mpq/aita_for_kicking_my_friend_off_our_vacation_for/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
On mobile so formatting might suck, sorry!
So my friends and I are going on a trip next month to Miami, FL. We’ve been planning it for about a month now, and originally it was going to be a float trip within our state and with 16 people we go to college with (before everyone screeches about the pandemic, we’re all fully vaccinated through our uni).
One of my friends in particular (J) has a very specific work schedule. We worked around this and got days of the week that are less convenient for the majority because we wanted to include her. She refuses to take off work for the trip despite going on multiple week-long vacations with other people since April. Still though, we did our best to accommodate her.
On New Years, we all stayed on campus for the break so her, myself, two friends, and my boyfriend (A) all spent the night together drinking and playing games in my apartment since my roommate had gone home. That night, she made a passing comment about how she thought my boyfriend was hot and she would love him to be her New Years kiss, and I chalked it up to drunken confessions and ignored it since she didn’t make any moves. At one point she did “fall” into his lap but he removed her quickly.
Now for this trip, we had to seek out accommodations. After changing from the initial float trip because I and our other friend (S) wanted to go to Florida, we downsized our group to just me, S, J, A, and A’s friend. We were looking at a 3 bedroom apartment on AirBnB with enough beds to have everyone sleeping comfortably. While discussing sleeping arrangements with S and J, J decided to half joke about how she wanted to sleep with A and that I wouldn’t be mad since we’ve gone on breaks to see other people before. (Note, A and I have been dating for 3 years at this point. We’ve “broken up” to see other people once before in our first year when we went on summer break because our hometowns are too far away to see each other. We were 18/19 at the time and haven’t done it again since)
I expressed discomfort at this joke and she kept brushing it off but I really don’t trust her. While talking with S privately, she also said that it was a bit weird. I ended up shifting the dates of our stay and place tickets by one day which would prevent J from being able to attend due to her work schedule. At first I just said it was because those were cheaper dates, but she seemed to pick up immediate that it was done because of what she said.
She’s now calling me a manipulative bitch and cursing me to hell. S said it was a bit unexpected but she understands why I did it as well as why J is mad. A has no idea because we haven’t involved him in the situation. He just knows the new dates and is fine with them.
AITA?
Update: AITA for kicking my friend off of our vacation for making a joke about my boyfriend?
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o16qbo/update_aita_for_kicking_my_friend_off_of_our/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Hello again!
I’ve gotten a lot of comments and messages from my post. Lots of advice was given but ultimately I decided to follow the two common ones of talking to A and confronting J. (And I added fake names rather than initials)
I spoke to Adam (A) today after getting off work about two hours ago. He did say that he suspected something had happened because of the sudden shift to days Jessica (J) couldn’t attend. He also said that she requested to follow him on Instagram suddenly and tried to DM him. She doesn’t have his number or Snapchat so it makes sense this would be her one mode of communication. She followed him before but he removed her after she liked all 400ish of his posts spanning from 2013 or so and he thought it was creepy. I told him about what she said in the groupchat and showed him the messages and explained that’s why the dates shifted. I also apologized for lying about the true reasoning, but he said he understands where I’m coming from although it would have been nicer if he could have helped me through it rather than me shouldering Jessica’s intentions by myself. He gets why I’m worried but also was under the impression that I thought he’d cheat on me with her, and was a bit upset. We did clear through that though as well. I brought up the idea of confronting Jessica and he said that it’s better to do so together so she understands that it’s a mutual agreement that she’s being a bit much.
I attempted to call/FaceTime her a few times which she ended up declining, but she did answer when we called from Adam’s phone as it was an unknown number with a different area code.
I admit, I hadn’t really planned out the conversation or what I’d say, so it was pretty rough. I apologized giving 0 heads up about removing her from the trip, but I also told her that she was out of line in her words and previous actions. She knew that Adam and I are serious (we’ve openly discussed marriage after we finish setting up our careers) but still made such crude remarks. Adam was pretty quiet except to say that he didn’t appreciate that he was being discussed in such ways behind his back and by someone he thought was a good friend of mine. Jessica accused us of ganging up on her behind her back, and she accused me personally of setting her up and blowing the entire situation out of proportion. She also made a point to say that if at any point she truly wanted to fuck Adam, she could have taken him from me in a heartbeat. She truly believes that she’s been benevolent to me this entire time by not actively attempting to end my relationship or be a homewrecker.
She left our trip group chat as well as our wider circle’s group chat without saying anything which raised a few questions. As much as I wanted to keep this situation contained, Adam ended up telling everyone what happened and was met with mixed responses. A few people said that we did what had to be done, but another closer friend of Jessica said we bullied her without cause. | thyme_of_my_life | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/o1ijju/aita_for_kicking_my_friend_off_our_vacation_for/ | o1ijju | 6,230 | 199 | [
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2021-06-17T04:47:20 | AITA for publicly revealing who my biological parents are on Facebook and kind of messing things up for them? | AITA | Originally posted by u/accountForThrow223.
[**Original**](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g9nhjo/aita_for_publicly_revealing_who_my_biological/?sort=qa)
I was given up for adoption when I was a baby by my parents who were 19 years old.
Due to reasons, I was taken from my adoptive parents and put in foster care when I was 11 and remained in the system until I went to college.
When I turned 18, I was given my mother's contact information by someone. I found out she was married to my biological father. They had public profiles on Facebook and Instagram. I ended up messaging my mother who never responded.
I then tried to message my father who basically replied saying that he's sorry but they would rather not have me in their lives. That it took them a while to grieve over giving me up and that they don't want to go through all that pain again.
Well at this point I got pretty pissed because I think it's kind of shitty they think they can prevent me from knowing the rest of my family.
I ended up messaging my grandmother (my mother's mom) who was actually happy to know me. I met her in person and we really bonded.
I also have two younger siblings but I didn't contact them after what my father said.
Well four months ago, I saw my father post of a picture of them at some Church event and say "my beautiful wife and our two amazing kids".
This was on their church Facebook page. This was probably wrong but I replied with a comment saying "Don't you mean three kids?"
I didn't really expect the amount of people responding to that as I did. There were a bunch of people my parents knew that started asking questions. I freaked out and deleted my comment.
Then I started getting dms from people, including people I was related to. Later that day, my grandmother made a post confirming I was a child given up for adoption.
So now, I started making connections with some extended family and have been to a few family parties. My parents have been told they aren't invited unless they accept me which they haven't.
The whole drama has kind of messed with their lives and business. My parents are now apparently separated. I don't really accept that as my fault.
AITA for doing what I did?
**Update (found in deleted post)**
I logged back into this account and saw messages asking for updates. I also figured I'd clarify some stuff too.
I've been sheltering in place with my grandmother till now.
My grandmother was pretty upset that I was kept a secret but my parents apparently hid it from everyone while they were in college.
Honestly, the more I hear about it the more angry I get because my grandmother herself was a single mother, and my dad's brother, my uncle, isn't even married to his girlfriend and they have kids.
I'm not sure why even after I turned 18 I had to be kept a secret. So I stopped asking for anymore details.
It does look like my parents are getting divorced.
My biological father ended up reaching out to me through my grandmother. He said that he always wanted a relationship with me and asked to have a WhatsApp video call with him.
I told him I don't think I'll be doing that anytime soon. I also will not be contacting my siblings unless they reach out to me first.
I refuse to be rejected anymore than I already have. This was the same man who told me to not contact any of his family even though we were all adults.
I think it's why I made the stupid decision to comment publicly. But I was pretty angry about the whole thing.
My biological mother made all sorts of threats to my grandmother and my uncle and isn't letting them see my siblings. But they're standing up for me.
I have zero desire to meet my biological parents anymore.
At the end of the day, I'm a real human being who doesn't deserve to be a secret. And I should be allowed to have relationships with other adult family members.
I shouldn't have to be happy for scraps and have a secret relationship with just my grandmother. I shouldn't have to apologize for my existence.
What I did was shitty. But at least now I can live my life and have relationships with family in the open.
And my grandmother, uncle, aunts and cousins are really great and I'm really happy about my life in a very long time.
I accept the asshole judgement. | wormhole222 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/o1orgt/aita_for_publicly_revealing_who_my_biological/ | o1orgt | 4,284 | 534 | [
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2021-06-17T15:10:53 | TIFU by moving in with psychopaths (Super Long) | TIFU | *Originally posted in r/TIFU 5 years ago. Also, I wasn't exaggerating, this is really long*
I really fucked up!
First off, I'm a 23 year old girl. I don't know how relevant that is. So, about two months ago I found myself with no money after having to put hundreds of dollars into my poor car over the course of five months. Brakes and rotors were replaced, master cylinder replaced, water pump busted and had to be fixed, serpentine belt, etc... Finally, the head gasket blew and I had spent all of my savings on my car right when I lost my job. I was working at a bookstore that was due to close on July 4th. I had another job lined up working for the online portion of the store, but my boss wasn't going to bring me on to start packing/shipping/listing for another month and I was truly out of money.
A friend from high school (calling her Jamie) had been insisting on me moving out to California to work on her cannabis farm with her for about a year. Offered to pay for my plane ticket, told me I had a room, told me I'd be making $15 an hour full-time. It was the best pay I'd ever been offered (I graduated high school but didn't attend college) but I didn't want to do it simply because it was so far away from my comfort zone and everything I valued most.
I don't have a bunch of friends- this was the year that I cut all of the toxic people out of my life (as far as I could tell before this particular incident), but the friends that I DO have are incredibly important to me and have dragged me out of some of my darkest moments. I knew that I couldnt prioritize my friends in this situation. It was officially about saving my own ass.
Well, having absolutely no money, I started to feel like a burden to my mother- whom I had been living with for a year to "get back on my feet". It was working just fine, I saved up a good amount of money and finally bought a car, but you know what ended up happening with the car. I was supposed to save up and get an apartment by August, but my car is where all of my money went- in addition to gas, food and necessities with the OCCASIONAL small weed purchase (maybe a gram for $20 once a month). Edit: I GET IT. $20 is a lot for a G, but welcome to St. Louis, times are hard.
Basically, I found myself feeling like moving out here was the best option. Good money, awesome friend that I made a lot of cool memories with in high school, etc. It started to sound more and more attractive the more I thought about it. I had a long talk with her and she booked me a ticket. Not before I verified that her operation was legal, that I'd have my own room/private space, that I'd have a job, and that I'd like her husband. She verified all of these things with confidence and I flew out. This was three weeks ago.
I'd like to point out before this next part that I am a skeptic by design and I made damn sure I was certain it was a good idea before coming out. She and I talked every day until I flew out and I never would have gathered that anything was out of the ordinary.
Well, the first night, I learned that none of the above would be true. This friend of mine somehow managed to lose her mind over the last three years it's been since she moved to California.
First off... She's married to a psychotic ex-homeless person that I'll call Jack. She just met this guy on the beach and "fell in love". Got married pretty much instantly. I never would have pinned her as that sort of girl, but I quickly learned that she'd changed.
I couldn't stand her husband from the get-go as he was clearly on some whole other level of crazy. He interrupts every three seconds because he only likes to listen to himself talk, he's obsessed with the Illuminati and a bunch of other conspiracies (GMO hate, FEMA concentration camps, name it), he's incredibly condescending and pretentious about his beliefs (they're both anti-vaxxers and very animated about it, I learned on the second day), he's incredibly disrespectful and oblivious to the way his words and actions affect others. Oh, and he's a crybaby about everything. Still, I sucked it up, I'd already flown out here and I was already stuck.
Second, I have no room or private space. My "bedroom" is a mattress pad on the floor in the corner of the kitchen. I still sucked it up because I'm not about to be ungrateful about where I'm sleeping- but then I discovered that, lo and behold, they have two kittens and the litter box is in the kitchen about 10 feet away from my bed. Still didn't complain, because again, I'm stuck out here anyway.
Third, I found out on day two that her husband is growing an insane amount of psilocybin mushrooms. Illegal. Not cool. Still didn't care because I figured they weren't under any pressure from the law. Well, that isn't true either, because I then found out that not only is Jamie on parole, but her parole officer organized a raid of their house just a week before I flew out (when my ticket was already paid for). They found nothing because all of their illegal things are located elsewhere in the vicinity, but apparently that shit can happen any time.
Fourth, no cell service here, so no way to call or text my friends and family that I'm really close to (unless they had iPhones and I was able to catch a wifi signal on the phone which is rare) I had to reactivate my Facebook (I despise Facebook) just to keep in touch with my loved ones because they do have a weak wifi signal here, but that was the least of my worries- obviously I didn't consider that TOO awful until I realized how bad things would be out here.
Fifth, their plants are illegal. She told me that in this particular area you can have X amount of plants, she's got a lot more than that. I had no idea until she saw me taking a picture to send my close friends. She then acted like she'd told me all along that this was an illegal operation. I still have the texts to verify that this is not the case, but I didn't want to throw that in her face because I'd realized by now that nothing about this is stable.
I'll stop numbering my points now.
We got in a fight over the picture I took that night. She went into full crazy mode, told me that she couldn't "believe I would be so stupid", how she felt like having me out here was a mistake because of my "terrible judgment" and how "fucked up" I was for thinking that was okay. It was my understanding that the law was not being broken. Why else would I travel across the country to live with somebody? Certainly not to be a part of something insanely illegal, but I digress.
It escalated- I tried to keep a level head and explain how I've been trying to wrap my mind around this entire situation and that I was told the opposite of just about everything that was going on here. Did I mention her kittens have been shitting and pissing in my clothes, bed and blankets since day one? She told me I was ungrateful, and that they had a tipi on their property that I was going to have to go live in because I was "interfering with their marriage". I left out the part about Jamie making one comment to Jack that upset him so much he threw a huge glass plate at her that then shattered all over the porch.
They fought constantly, to the point that I would be inside crying and feeling sorry for myself for making such a horrible decision to come out here.
I should point out I got a job my third day here and had worked four days when this fight occurred. At one point in the fight, Jamie told me she was taking me to the airport to send me home and made me pack all of my things, get dressed and walk out the door. In that period of time I emailed my boss to tell her that I wouldn't be able to work for them anymore because I was being sent back home and I didn't want them to not have someone to work for me in the morning. By the time Jamie changed her mind, I emailed my boss to let her know "JK my roommate's just crazy" (paraphrasing) and I lost my job based on my unreliable living situation.
So she told me I had to go live in this tipi. No electricity, no water, bathroom, kitchen area, or anything- a glorified tent. The only thing about it that's livable is that there's a bed inside, but it gets freezing here at night and hot as fuck during the day. With no way to contact anyone, in the middle of the woods in a town where sex offenders and rapists are apparently everywhere (wasn't told this either) and drugged-out bums roam through the woods constantly. She painted it as this perfect little place for me. It broke my heart, because... well... I didn't move all the way out here to live off the grid in a tent in the woods...
I've pretty much reached a point where I've got to head back to my hometown. My boss has my paycheck waiting for me up at my (old) work, which is about 150 dollars, so I'm just trying to figure out a way to discuss this with Jamie and Jack that won't end in absolute disaster. After all, they'd be the ones driving me all the way to San Francisco (like 2 hours away) to fly home, so I'd have to end this on good terms- which is extremely difficult when you're dealing with people that are not even remotely stable.
Everything here is an argument or a test, and so many laws are being broken. I've been deprived of so many things. I haven't eaten in three days because I just haven't felt even a liiiiittle bit of an appetite. You'd think I'd be sitting here stoned all the time since I'm in California, but unfortunately, nah. I can't find weed to save my life and their plants haven't fully matured.
There's a lot of things that I left out, but wow, what a disaster. I guess the take-away from this is that I'm an idiot, and I should have never assumed somebody would be the same way they were three years prior. I don't have any idea of what's happened in the last three years, but she's a different human being altogether- almost like she hit her head really hard on something and developed a whole new bizarre and terrifying personality. I couldn't have predicted this if I were getting paid to.
I've kept my parents posted about this from the beginning, but I've been ashamed. I've only told two close friends about all of this because I feel like they're the only ones that won't think I'm a complete dumbass for all of this (having known Jamie in the past). I made a lot of bold statements about how well I was going to do out here and how excited I was to make good money and set my life up pretty sweet-like. I was really looking forward to this, and every single day has been a nightmare in it's own special way.
I'm just hoping I can make it out of here before the law shows up and tears them open, or before they do something awful to me. I don't trust these people. I'm uncomfortable every minute I'm around them. If they try to move me into this tipi before I can afford my plane ticket, I'll deal with it, but I fear for my life and my sanity living in that tipi... Even if I needed one of them for something, it's a pretty long walk back to the house, so they're literally attempting to up and banish me.
How they expect me to find another job is beyond me. I'm willing to work, but I'm miles away from town. I had a bike- I wanted to leave this part out- but they gave me a bike and it ended up being a stolen bike that belonged to my coworker. That's a whole other ordeal I don't feel like going into because this is long enough... But the bike has been returned and I now have no transportation except for Jamie. Too bad she can't drive me anywhere if I don't even have the means to ask her for a ride, and she works an unpredictable schedule.
I know this was really long, but if you do read it, please don't throw me to the flames. This has been incredibly devastating for me and just an all-around terrifying experience and I just want to go home... I know I fucked up. I'm trying to make it right.
TL;DR Moved in with old friend in Cali, friend lost her mind and is married to a nutjob, both are breaking the law, and I'm currently stuck in the middle of it.
Edit: Misspelled a word.
EDIT: Oh my god guys, I am so sorry, I have not had ANY access to the internet since I posted this except when I've been with my roommates and I haven't been able to come back to this. I'm reading my responses now- I'm so sorry for freaking you guys out. I didn't expect anyone to actually read this...
Also, thank you so much for the gold- you didn't have to do that, but that was really sweet of you.Thank you.
EDIT 2: I'm overwhelmed right now. I'm so sorry. This entire experience has been extremely difficult for me and I've never been good at articulating without going into a million paragraphs... Just know that I am fine right now, I'm not at the tipi- I'm supposed to be moving to the tipi this week, and I can tell that it's coming up, but just know that for right now, I'm still at the house because Jamie has been working all week.
I've been using reddit for three years and this is the first time I've truly felt the community here, I've never seen this many messages in my inbox and I don't even know how to begin, but I'm going to try to respond to everyone... I cannot stress how much it means to me that so many people are willing to talk to me or help me, I can't put this to words. I truly do not know what to say. Thank you, all of you. Fuck.
I'll be spending the entire day in town today at a coffee shop where I get free wifi. The internet at the house comes and goes and is extremely inefficient for loading page after page. I'll be in town until much later this afternoon. I'm having them drop me off to 'find a job'- which I will be doing if I get around to reading and responding to everyone.
Thank you again and I'm sorry for vanishing!! I will NOT do that again now that I know people actually saw this and give a shit. I'm sorryyyy.
EDIT 3: I should also point out that I spoke to my friend back in St. Louis, my mother's old neighbor that I used to do yard work for and drink wine/watch shitty horror movies with. She's an awesome woman. She told me that she has a room for me back in St. Louis, I've just got to fly out there. I'm picking up the money that I made for the brief stint at the pizza place and seeing if I can afford a plane ticket. If not, my dad said he could possibly help me out- I might take one of you guys up on a ride to the airport. But not if I don't have something to give you in return, so I'm going to work on that.
Also, this is definitely not fiction :\ I'll post some "proof" when I get to town and have wifi on my phone as well as my computer.
Proof: This is really the best I can do without giving myself or location away.
[My "room"](https://imgur.com/hR16ZXB)
[The broken plate](https://imgur.com/Y8IpdEn)
including a ridiculous passive-aggressive note she left for him to find when he got back from sulking in the woods. She put the plate back together like this specifically so she could leave the note.
[Something Jack gave me on my second day here](https://imgur.com/q2i9vVd)
(my fingers are purple and gross looking because Jamie had me dye her hair purple the night before and didn't buy any gloves. I'm not seriously lacking in blood circulation)
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/3gscos/tifu_by_moving_in_with_psychopaths_update/)
EDIT 4: So, due to the indescribable kindness of a couple of redditors, I will be home within the next week. This, to me, is a miracle in it's own right. I have NO words for any of this. Still not sure where I'll work when I get back to St. Louis, but the difference is I'll have a different place to find work, where I'm comfortable and not waiting for the police to break down my door/waiting for my roommates to slit my throat in their sleep.
I'm so grateful- I've been crying for about a half hour. I never expected this when I made this post. I cannot thank reddit enough for existing, or my new friends that chose (for no other reason than being good people) to help me, a total stranger. Oh my god. I'm in shock. I've always loved reddit (lurker since 2011, poster since 2012) but never felt the community this way. I didn't think my post would result in help like this. I didn't even know anyone would want to read my crazy bullshit. I am so happy right now that I could dance for joy.
I'll post another update once I've arrived home safely, but right now, I just want to say thank you- not just to the two people that are helping me (one of which wishes to remain anonymous and the other has not specified yet) but to the reddit community as a whole. If I didn't have a reddit, I'd be pretty fucked right now... That's why I tell everyone to use this website. Because, above all, there's SOMEONE on this website that 'gets it' (from your perspective), and there's always someone willing to talk to you, if all else fails. These two men are not the only people that reached out to me.
TONS of you reached out to me. I am so grateful for you. You are wonderful human beings, and if there is indeed some sort of heavenly realm in the afterlife, I can only pray that you get front row fuckin seats. I'm speechless.
Final edit: Last night went smoothly, they don't seem to have any idea what's going on and still haven't set the tipi plan in motion, but the exit plan is in place. If anyone is still reading this, I'll be staying with a super awesome and generous redditor (whom I will name in the update I post when I'm back home, if it turns out he's comfortable with that) for the next couple of days and heading home on Monday thanks to another incredible redditor. This community is unbelievable. I keep telling my close friends that people may wonder why I speak so highly of reddit- this is why. Thank you so much.
Actual final edit: I just mentioned this in a comment, but I'll do it here as well- I am SO sorry I haven't posted an update since my escape, I was planning on making an entirely separate TIFU update post once I arrived in St. Louis to spread awareness of how amazing the reddit community is. The story for how I got out of that house is a post in it of itself and I assumed most people had just forgotten about this post, so I didn't think to come back and update after my "final update". Just know that I was picked up by a redditor- I still haven't asked him if he's cool with getting his name dropped, but I'll ask today. Hahaha.
I escaped, and I still haven't heard from Jamie or Jack. I blocked Jamie on all social media and blocked her number on my phone. She'll have to try pretty hard if she wants to reach me... Anyway, I swear to all that is holy that I will put up my official update once I've gotten back to St. Louis- either tomorrow night or Tuesday morning.
Thank you again to everyone that reached out to me. I'm still in shock over this entire thing, I'm still in shock over the response I received. I don't want to say 'redditors saved my life', but I don't know what else to say. I'd reached a pretty critical low when I originally posted this... I feel completely new today. There was this permanent pressure in my chest every minute of every day while I was staying with those two. That pressure has ceased to exist. Thank you everyone- especially the two redditors in particular that truly saved me for no reason other than being incredible human beings.
Thank you.
EDIT 8/11, 2:27 PM central time: Posting an entirely new TIFU update tonight or in the morning, depending on how today goes, but I am back in St. Louis and SO happy!
[Update ](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/3gscos/tifu_by_moving_in_with_psychopaths_update/)
If you were around TIFU last Tuesday, you might have come across my original TIFU post about moving in with a friend from high school that turned out to be nuts+married to someone who is also nuts. Hardcore anti-vaxxing conspiracy theorists. Illuminati, anti-GMO, FEMA concentration camp bullshit all peppered on top of a terrible living situation and a toxic marriage altogether. That's about as detailed as I'm going to get about that aspect of it in this post and I'd rather not make this post as long, so please refer to the previous post before asking any questions! Just know that I made my original post when I thought I'd completely run out of options and I went into a terrible downward spiral.
There was a 24 hour period where I couldn't come back to this account (this is a throwaway for obvious reasons) and I'd just expected my post to have been buried during that time frame. Well, I'm an idiot, because I logged in to find hundreds and comments and messages from people that actually took the time to read my story. People offering anything from advice to bus tickets to places to stay. People from all over the country- especially dozens of fantastic California locals that proved to me I'd just been associating with the wrong people.
I still can't find the words to adequately thank those of you that came forward and wanted to help me out.
Though a lot of people suggested I start a Gofundme for myself so I could get home, I couldn't bring myself to do it. I couldn't think of a number that would have made sense to me to not make me feel like I looked selfish. After all, I didn't write that post for profit. I wrote it because I was going through the toughest experience of my life and I dreaded even waking up in the morning, I just needed someone to talk to (I gained PLENTY of people to talk to and you are all insanely awesome).
That being said, there were two people in particular that came in clutch and truly saved my ass.
The first redditor I was comfortable talking to in depth about the situation was a software engineer living in the Bay Area who I will refer to as Ai, seeing as he was extremely lovable. He doesn't even use reddit much, but he saw my story and he wanted to help. He offered to pick me up and allow me to stay with him, as well as any other help I'd need. This blew my mind because this man lived two and a half hours away and insisted on helping me anyway- just because he's a wonderful human being.
While discussing an escape plan with Ai, I'd been talking with another redditor that I'll call Lee. I'll start by saying that he wishes to remain completely anonymous, so I'll leave out his profession and any other specifics. Just know that this man is also truly wonderful. His original message stated that he wanted to buy me a plane ticket. Obviously, I was resistant to just about every redditor that offered me help in the beginning because I've always been insecure when asking for help, but both Lee and Ai separately calmed my nerves and insisted in helping me get out of that terrible situation regardless of my doubts. I agreed to let Lee buy me a plane ticket and Ai and I decided we would arrange the "kidnapping" for 2:30 in the morning on Saturday (after Jamie and Jack went to sleep).
Sadly, there was no plausible way to meet any other way without my "roommates" finding out what was going on. I didn't tell them a thing. Granted, they hadn't brought the tipi situation back up in a couple days, but I knew it was coming, and I knew they wouldn't react favorably to my leaving.
When Friday rolled around, I knew it was my last day, so I washed every article of clothing I'd brought with me even if it was already clean just to get the essence of that house out of it (there was a constant funk in the air). It didn't appear unusual to Jack or Jamie because it just looked like I was doing laundry, and plus, they ended up leaving in the early afternoon, which made it much easier for me to scan the house for anything I'd left behind.
They ended up staying out much later than anticipated. I was starting to panic when it got to be around 11 PM, but then they finally pulled up. I was sitting outside on my laptop when Jamie walked behind me and went inside the house. Jack then came up and told me he'd spent the afternoon cleaning out the tipi, but that they'd bought me a box of bug bombs, which I'd be responsible for administering before cleaning the spiders out of the tipi myself. I just smiled and nodded along, knowing I was leaving anyway. At the end of his speech, he said, "By the way, Jamie paid like seven dollars for these, so, if you wanna reimburse her..." then went inside. I had my eighty or so dollars left over from my only paycheck after giving her gas money, and part of that was a few single bills. I asked her if six dollars would be okay. Her response was, "Well, I was thinking more like a hundred, you know, for half of your ticket out here". It was her plan to take all of my check and have me move out to live in a tent with no money the next day. Nope. I lied and told her that I had a payment due that I hadn't paid yet and that I was sorry- the reality being that that money was all that I had to make it once I arrived back in St. Louis. She believed me, although visibly frustrated, and went to sleep.
Ai arrived on time in the most expensive car I have now ever set foot inside of in my life. It was surreal. We got my suitcase and bag into the car in about 15 seconds and took off without a single issue. It couldn't have been more perfectly timed, and Ai was extremely punctual, considering the confusing location of the house.
I spent the weekend in his beautiful condo and got to meet his roommates, two super cool women who - with Ai- were extremely polite and hospitable to me considering I was clearly doing far worse than them in every possible category. Just excellent people all around. They made the bizarre nature of my situation much more palatable with their kindness. Plus- they had two kittens that DIDN'T use my sleeping area as a litter box, which is always a plus. And one of them had THUMBS!
[Cat with thumbs](https://imgur.com/EtH06OM)
When I wasn't busy wandering around their cool little city and hanging out with those guys at their condo, I was talking to Lee, the redditor that paid for my plane ticket. Lee is something to behold as well, because you would not even believe the incredible emails he sent me. This man doesn't even know me and he took the time to truly speak to me and convey his faith in me. I swear that this man breathed new life into my previously-shot self-esteem and warmed my heart. He made sure that if at any point in time I needed any sort of assistance, that he was always on stand-by, and not only that, but he spoke with such sincerity and depth that every email had me in tears. What are the odds that the two redditors I'd end up connecting with would end up being two of the most selfless and beautiful people I've ever met?
I am so grateful that one website that I've just used for entertainment all of these years has connected me to these two complete strangers and flipped my perspective on humanity. If it weren't for Lee and Ai, I wouldn't be sitting here on a comfortable bed in my own room in St. Louis writing a happy Reddit post today.
I'm living with an old neighbor, as I mentioned in an update in my last post. She's awesome and we've known each other for years. She's been aware of this entire situation as it's happened and is letting me stay as long as it takes to get back on my feet. Needless to say, I'm already working on that- I don't have a car anymore, unfortunately, but I do have a bike out here and a lot more options for work. It shouldn't take long for me to pull myself together. Especially not with the help that my two new friends provided. I wish that I could send both of them gigantic Edible Arrangement bouquets, but I might have to settle for postcards for now.
Thank you to everyone that cared about my story. Thank you to everyone that wanted to help, and all of you that were absolutely ready and willing to donate money, shelter, rides, etc. to my cause just because you're good people. Thank you especially to Ai and Lee- I hate not being able to use your real names- for going above and beyond and completely out of your way to ensure my safe passage back to my hometown. I truly, truly hope that I will be able to return the favor some day.
Lee pointed out that he wanted me to return the favor by channeling my voice into writing once a day, and getting a journal. My new "roommate" has since gifted me with [this](https://imgur.com/p0f3IZM)
[Here's a note from me](https://imgur.com/FAx2s3a). Sorry for the handwriting.
I guess that's all I wanted to say. That reddit really can be an incredible community when it comes right down to it, and I'm living proof that the people on this website are capable of incredible things. I am so grateful to this website- so grateful to my new friends that helped me get home- SO grateful to Stumbleupon.com for originally helping me to 'stumble upon' reddit in 2011. Praise. I love you, redditors! And I LOVE YOU, LEE AND AI!
Thank you so much for everything that you've done.
Bonus:
[This](https://imgur.com/xu8uvER) is some pretty earth porn I captured in Jenner on my first day in California.
[This](https://imgur.com/CfzgYc0) was hanging above the stove and it made me cringe with a vengeance every single day at that house, so I figured I would share it with you guys.
TL;DR: Moved in with awful people that completely screwed me over in California, posted to reddit, amazing redditors came through and saved my ass. All of the love, guys.
Edit: Thank you so much for your responses, guys. I'm sorry to those of you I haven't gotten around to replying to yet. I am so grateful :)
Also, since he has presented himself here already, Ai is actually /u/mw_daught - GIVE HIM ALL YOUR GOLD!
If only I could post Lee's name as well- damn it! Hahaha.
Edit 8/17/15: So I disappeared from this post for a few days due to coming down with some sort of freak ailment (I'm assuming from the flight), but I'm feeling much better today- I checked my replies yesterday and couldn't bring myself to sit up and respond to everyone individually. I'm still nauseous as all hell, so please forgive me if I don't respond to you, just know that I've read every single message and I am so grateful.
Another amazing redditor has gilded me- this time for TWO YEARS- THANK YOU. I will say that this account was definitely made as a throwaway, but I think I'll start to use it as my main account after this. I wouldn't want the gold to go to waste. Plus, my main account is basically my real name (because I was an idiot when I made it in 2012) and I've meant to make another account for awhile. It's just so hard to let go of that three year token. How else can I show off how much time of my life has been spent dwindling away on reddit? I love this website.
Still haven't found a job, though I've been in a pretty crappy physical state for the last few days. Fingers crossed I work that out quickly, but just know that everything else is going completely fine out here :) My new "roommate" + family friend is amazing, everything's been going so well. A few friends have come out to pay me visits, as well. It feels so wonderful to be home. Now, just to get a job! :)
Thank you again, reddit. All of the love. You guys are amazing. | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/o1zk01/tifu_by_moving_in_with_psychopaths_super_long/ | o1zk01 | 31,116 | 441 | [
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2021-06-17T20:09:52 | This one was so sad, then so happy - "Guy who makes original lego designs as a hobby has his lego collection stolen and it's utterly heartbreaking." /r/videos | Videos | [deleted] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/o26jd0/this_one_was_so_sad_then_so_happy_guy_who_makes/ | o26jd0 | 9 | 0 | [
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2021-06-18T01:21:31 | EX-boyfriend (22m) destroyed a petroglyph and rock formation at a National Park + UPDATE | null | [ORIGINAL](https://old.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/o0pu39/exboyfriend_22m_destroyed_a_petroglyph_rock/) by u/Throwraemaildotcom
Edit: title should say “petroglyph and rock formation.” We are currently waiting for our shuttle service back to our car and I think I’m going to have him drive me to the nearest airport so I can fly home because I can’t stand the idea of being around him for 3 days.
We went back packing in a National park. It was really his first time doing anything like this and he was a pain in the ass from the start. He brought way too much booze and almost no water and the springs we planned on catching were almost all dried up. He could have died had we not found one that was good.
On the day we found the spring he decided the “smart” thing to do was to drink all his booze and fill bottles up with water. But he got so drunk. I told him I didn’t like and he was scaring me. His answer to this was to take out camp hatchet and not only destroy a 2000 (+/-) year old petroglyph, he also broke off several of these little lava rock “knolls” that were all over the place.
I was disgusted and I packed up and started hicking out. He caught up to me the next day and I broke up with him on the spot. He hiked the rest of the way out screaming at me the whole way that I was a bi?txh. I was so relieved when we got to trailhead because he calmed down.
That was an hour or so ago but should I report him to the park rangers before I leave? I just googled it and he could seriously do jail time for this. What should I do ?
Edit I called the NPS office for this area and they are going to send a ranger out to this parking
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/o2agea/update_exboyfriend_22m_destroyed_a_petroglyph_and/)
So basically my last post blew up and it was locked right in the middle of everything going down. It sucked reading people’s posts wondering if I was safe or even offering me money for uber and plane tickets so I didn’t have ro ride with my ex’s and not being able to update—but I appreciate it so much! I was literally blown away by how many people wanted to help me out of a potentially bad situation!
Obviously I am safe and home. But that afternoon was so crazy and I’m so lucky to have run into some equally great people in rhe parking lot.
So when we got back to the parking lot he basically told me “get in the car we’re leaving.” I told him that I wasn’t sure if I was riding home with him or not. He said that he wasn’t leaving me stranded and was going to go into town and get gas and I had better come to my senses by the time he got back.
This super nice older lady come up to me and asked me if my boyfriend just abandoned me. I said no, that I was actually hoping he didn’t come back. She told me that she’d hoped her husband wouldn’t come back since the honey moon but somehow he had the nose of a coon hound which just cracked me up. It turns out that they were there in their RV and she invited me to sit in their AC until I got my issues figured out. It turns out they were some of the nicest people I’ve ever met.
So from their RV is where I called the national parks ranger (right when my last thread got locked) and they sent a ranger out. I was really hoping they would show up about the same time my ex got back. Unfortunately he got back first, looked around the parking lot for me for a while and texted me that I was a ducking stupid bi&tch abs he was really leaving. I told him to please go.
The rangers got there and we talked for a long time about the damage that was done, where it was, why he had done it, etc… I was kind of hoping they’d chase him down the highway but they said that unfortunately they don’t really do that kind of stuff. but they would send in someone to investigate the damage and if it’s bad enough they can submit a federal arrest warrant and either NPS or even the FBI might pay him a visit. The ranger said that this kind of stuff happens way more than they’d like and almost always they have enough evidence and the penalties are stiff enough that the guilty person usually makes a plea deal and pays a pretty big fine. It makes me happy that he most likely won’t get away with it.
The people with the RV were so nice they said that even though the airport I was flying out of was 150 miles in the opposite direction of where they were going, they would be happy to give me a ride. I literally fell in love with these people. Their whole reason for being in an RV Is to see National parks and to eat at as many different Outback Steakhouse’s as they can across the country. So they were super excited that the city were going to had two different Outback’s they could check off their lists. They even took me to get an early dinner with them before dropping me off the airport. They were so sweet they insisted on giving me $100 bill to make sure I had money for an emergency. They are going to stay in touch and maybe even come to see me at the end of the summer and yes eat at the outback in town.
So that’s really it…I’m sick about introducing my ex to backpacking and confirming he’s a piece of shit by doing damage to irreplaceable art and nature. But I’m also glad I’m safe, I dropped a whole bunch of dead weight and got some awesome honorary grandparents out of it! | red_earaches | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/o2d5f2/exboyfriend_22m_destroyed_a_petroglyph_and_rock/ | o2d5f2 | 5,329 | 954 | [
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2021-06-18T15:21:32 | A series of small real-time updates from a man driving at breakneck speed from Wyoming to Washington, DC, to try to save his naïve Russian friends from sex traffickers, and the advice he gets along the way [MetaFilter] [warning: very long] | EXTERNAL: MetaFilter | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://ask.metafilter.com/154334/Help-me-help-my-friend-in-DC) appeared on MetaFilter, not Reddit, back in 2010. The updates unfolded as responses in real time.*
[**Initial question on AskMetafilter:**](https://ask.metafilter.com/154334/Help-me-help-my-friend-in-DC)
My friend and former student K arrived in DC yesterday, along with a friend. She came over on some kind of travel exchange program put together by a Russian travel agency called 'XXXXX'. They paid about 3K for this program.
The program promised a job offer in advance, but didn't deliver. They said they would send one via email, but failed there, too.
Her contact in the USA barely speaks English, doesn't answer her calls but does answer mine. He has asked her and her friend to meet in NYC tonight around midnight, with promises of hostess work in a lounge. Yes, I know how horrific that sounds- that's why I am working all possible angles here.
She is not going to NYC but I need some help handling and understanding how to handle this- I have a friend helping them with a cheap hotel for the night, but that's all at the moment. I am presently driving to LA and could fly her and her friend to meet me there on Saturday, but couldn't house them indefinitely. I will be monitoring this thread over the next hour.
*OP posted the below comments after receiving advice to contact the Russian embassy.*
I am going to make her call the embassy right now.
I called the embassy and they were totally unhelpful and suggested calling back for counseling tomorrow- 2029398907. I am going to try to find a hotel or place to stay for her now.
*After being asked about their work visa and language situation:*
They have j1 visas in their possession... one speaks reasonable english, no idea about the other.
*A bit later:*
I am not going to be able to monitor this thread for a few hours. They are staying at a hotel, but unfortunately still planning on going to NYC tomorrow. I will do my best to talk them out of it tomorrow morning.
Is anyone in NYC willing to accompany them to meet the guy? I would fly there myself if I wasn't in a car full of my stuff in Wyoming.
*In response to commenters pointing out this is a trafficking situation:*
God fucking damn it, I can fucking see what is happening. I have called the fucking dc police, the embassy, and every russian speaker and dc resident I know. I need some help, not a lecture on trafficking.
The problem is that I can't convince her/them, so now I am trying to find some other means of protection or prevention.
I am really desperate here. The place they've been promised a job is a place called lux lounge, which I doubt exists.
*A commenter did a deep dive on the Lux Lounge, and concluded that it existed and had an associated address, but seemed to be a sketchy strip joint that had operated under numerous business names.*
*Someone asked OP if his friends may be misunderstanding the situation due to a language barrier:*
Hard to believe its a language issue, contact speaks russian. I have his #
*After OP was no longer driving, he commented the following:*
I am now camped out in buffalo, wy.
I called the 18883737888 hotline above. They now have complete information (including this thread) and are connecting me with other resources. Tomorrow morning I will attempt to connect K with them, I have a plan to make them call. I have been told by every single entity contacted that my words are near worthless and the contact must be initiated by the parties in question. Comprehensible but crushingly frustrating.
The hotline gave me facts about j1 visas, enumerated some potential outcomes and pitfalls, and gave me specific emotional approaches so as not to alienate or condescend.
The phone conversations I had with people in this thread (and by memail) were incredibly helpful. I am particularly grateful for the help updating here ande additional phone calls/resources being mobilized by those mefites. And j, thank you thank you for the memails.
I hope to update after our convo tomorrow. I will do whatever is necessary to keep them away from nyc for another day.
*After speaking with them:*
I got them on the phone with the trafficking hotline this morning. They now have numbers to call and resources, but in spite of everyones best effrts and offers, still plan to meet the guy in NYC.
I feel horrible about this, but now am working with a number of groups/people trying to do something else.
Please no more memail. xxxxxx@gmail or xxxxxxxxx. Don't call me just to talk or only with words of support.
I have help from the state dept, five or six individuals, and two human trafficking prevention groups. Wheels are turning and all parties are being vetted. Sitting tight in wyoming right now. AFAIK tickets to NYC have not yet been purchased.
Still hoping this turns out to be something other than it appears.
*In response to a woman local to DC asking OP if she could take off work and go meet the girls with him to see if they'd listen to her:*
if I thought that there might even be a fraction of a chance that would work, id take you up on it. In wish they could meet you, but they've already left for the greyhound station and refused all offers and plans to stay in DC for one more night (godfuckingawful to write that down). There are people ready and authorities know in NYC.
I am going to get back on the road, but no one should hesitate to call with info or whatever.
*A few minutes later:*
New conflicting info. I spoke to th sponsor listed on their visa. They claimed that the girls should be in Virginia Beach, which was an offer that had been eztended and then canceled. Then some kind of manager called them and told them to go to NYC, and I amwaiting to get ticket details from them.
They plan to meet the guy before doing anything else and at this point, that is their choice. I am going to inform them that people and money are waiting if they change their mind but because of this phone call they are even more adamant and. Committed.
I am going to call and harass the sponsor now and try to understand wtf is going on better. Again, hoping this is all for nought or something other than it seems.
*The next day:*
They are on the bus now arriving at 5pm.
Just got off the phone with Kevin from their visa sponsoring agency. He told me that he did not know their contact, that the contact is unaffiliated with the sponsoring agency, and that he did not know that lux lounge served alcohol or occasionally held stripping events. He also did not know about their accommodations being substandard. By the sponsoring agencys rules they are not allowed to work at lux. He has work for them in DC but they were adamant that they needed to meet with the contact.
He called the girls on the bus and spoke with them. In a brutalizing about-face they assured him that everything is fine, that they feel safe, and apologized for the 'problems I am causing'. They insisted on continuing in spite of his asking them not to go.
They have stopped answering my calls and texts and refused to send me bus ticket info. I am fucking sick and wrecked and need to get away from this phone. If you choose to meet them at the station, be prepared for them to want no help. X
*A couple of hours later:*
I just received a text asking me not to call any more people. Let that guide your behavior as it will. I have to keep my eyes on the wobbly, blurry road
*Several hours later, the OP posted these texts from K:*
D, please, stop calling somebody, please, don't call to xxxx. All is ok.There is no problem!!!
11:25AM.
OK
11:26AM
D! Listen. I don't know how thanks you. Lux lounge is a strip bar, if we will go there, i don't know what would be... Thank you so much.! You saved our lifes.
3:33PM
No thanks necessary. It wasn't only me.
3:35PM
Also, there may be people to escort you at the station. They are good people.
3:35PM
Yeh, i know. I've sms with (mefi member) i think she is cool)
miss you. & see you soon.
3:35PM
.....
I just stopped and puked my stress out on the side of the road. Not out of the woods yet, but omfg, omfg
*Moments later:*
A member of this site convinced them to meet her instead of the contact. I think she is cool)
They will meet in a few minutes.
*A few minutes after that:*
I just heard their voices on the phone. They are safe with one of us. Confirmed. Rejoicing.
[**FINAL UPDATE**](https://metatalk.metafilter.com/19420/Update-on-K-and-S)
First off, I spoke with K & S and they prefer being referred to as "devotchki" (girls). This is a personal preference, a diminuitive distinct from any feminist/mysognist horse corpse you might enjoy beating here. From here on out, they will be called "the girls". It's OK, with them.
I'll start with now: **the girls have returned to Moscow. They are safe with their boyfriends and families.** This is, in my opinion, the most important thing I can share here. This "end" is a direct result of what happened on MetaFilter. It is the best-of-a-mess-of-bad-outcomes. It is the sum of your, mine, and Kathrine's efforts. It is something we can all be proud of, something worth sharing, worth celebrating. Thank you so much. I will never be able to thank you, and that's not overstating things.
Since the last MeTa thread was closed, a lot has happened. I will try to retell it more or less chronologically, in as much detail as I can without further endangering or identifying anyone who has not explicitly given permission.
1: Many people have contributed since the original threads were closed. This help has come in the form of legal representation, quality advice, resume writing, and even just hanging out and having fun. This was not lost on the girls -- they were deeply impressed at this outpouring of support, and that's not even mentioning me, Kathrine, the girls families, and so on. It was, frankly, beyond belief.
2: Kathrine housed them for the duration. They had a nice, cozy room with internet access. They were safe, had as much privacy and supervision as they could handle, and were generally jazzed about NYC. Plenty to eat, drink, and see while searching for suitable jobs and another place to stay. Lots of [fun](https://danreetz.com/for_metafilter/update/fun.JPG) was had, in between bouts of anxiety about jobs, money, and self-support -- making things work as they'd planned.
3: Many, many people asked friends, family, and coworkers for help in finding work. While no offer ended up working out as we'd hoped, this generous gesture, situated against the background of the destitute job market in NYC, was something really amazing. Not everything needs to work out as planned to be worth more than words.
4: Thanks to the generosity of many MeFites, I was able to [visit K & S](https://danreetz.com/for_metafilter/update/three.jpg). I spent the weekend at Kathrine's in their guest bunk (I met Kathrine! She is wonderful!). We didn't announce a meetup publicly because we didn't want the press, or worse, to show up there. There was a super-minimal meetup (Kathrine, her husband, myself, the girls, and a NYC native who helped). There would have been more were it not for the holiday weekend, but that's how things go. I can't even tell you how much this time with K & S meant to me. It was so emotional -- both to see them safe, and to feel that the friendship between K and I had only grown stronger, well, it was amazing after a four-year absence. We (K, S, and I) actually spent most of the weekend walking up and down NYC, just as we had in Russia, talking about everything that happened. The intense sense of camaraderie and friendship, multiplied by the re-awakening of my Russian language (I taught K English, and she taught me Russian) was something really special. While S continued to have language problems, by the end of her stay, K had really reached a new level of English-speaking skill. As her former teacher, I felt a bit of pride over that.
Together, [we all saw the Atlantic for the first time](https://danreetz.com/for_metafilter/update/coney.jpg) on [Coney Island](https://danreetz.com/for_metafilter/update/coney2.jpg). We spent a lot of time sitting in the grass on [Chelsea Pier](https://danreetz.com/for_metafilter/update/chelsea.JPG), not saying or doing much, rather, soaking up sun and feeling safe and, for a few hours at least, not having much to stress about.
5: As job offers and housing possibilities began to look more and more remote, the girls decided to return to Moscow. Though this decision was painful for all of us, it, in the end, was the right thing to do. They bought plane tickets with some of the donated money (as their other tickets could not be changed) and spent a last few days enjoying what they could of NYC. We talked a lot on the phone, about the future, about what happened, about the Internet. We had some long goodbyes via sms, over the phone, over email.
I'd say at this point they know what MetaFilter is, and understand what happened here as well as any outsider can. They wrote you a letter, and asked me to put it here:
*Спасибо большое.*
*Мы попали в сложную ситуацию, много с чем пришлось столкнуться.. Одни, в чужой стране, без денег и надежды на завтра. Мы уже готовы были сдаться, вернуться назад, чувствовали себя одинокими в Америке..*
*Да нас было настолько удивительно что люди так быстро откликнулись на просьбу о помощи, что мы сначала даже не поверили что это правда. Было пролито много слёз в те дни, но самые "сильные" из них были слёзы благодарности.*
*В начале мы не хотели оставаться, а теперь не хотим уезжать.. Как же сильно мы не хотим уезжать!!! Мы любим эту страну, людей, каждую часть вашего мира.*
*Сейчас наши последние часы в Нью-Йорке.. Завтра мы уже будем далеко за океаном и пусть мы не знаем ваших имен, но вашу помощь и поддержку мы не забудем никогда.
Ещё раз огромное спасибо, берегите себя и будьте счастливы.*
[*К и С*](https://danreetz.com/for_metafilter/update/liberty.JPG)
Translation (FYI, they were OK with my translation)
Thank you so much.
We got into a difficult situation, it was a lot to face. Alone, in a foreign country, without money or hope for tomorrow. We felt alone in America, were already ready to surrender and go back.
To us it was so surprising that people so quickly responded to the request for help that at first we just didn't believe it was true. There were a lot of tears then, but the "strongest" of them were tears of gratitude.
At first, we didn't want to stay, but now, we don't want to leave. How we don't want to leave!!! We love this country, people, every part of your world.
Now are our last few hours in New York. Tomorrow, we'll be far across the ocean and although we don't know your names, we will never forget your help and support.
Once again, thank you so much, take care and be happy.
K and S.
That pretty much says it. The remaining detail was money -- all leftover money was donated to Equality Now and another organization that wishes to stay out of the spotlight. Equality Now is an amazing organization and was a guiding hand throughout. I am so glad we could give a little back to them.
It may seem strange to some of you that many organizations (and their people) involved with this want to remain anonymous, or refuse to speak publicly, but as I learned from the girls' lawyer, for many support organizations, they feel very strongly that interfacing with the press and public is not only a poor use of time, and an abuse of privacy, it endangers the trust they must foster between victims and themselves. Many women do not want their situation broadcast anywhere, for good reason. Many people have asked about what the level of actual danger was -- with all evidence I have, even I believe it was high, and required action, and all agencies and organizations "agreed" with me in the way that they immediately got involved and took action (& continue to take action).
While I wish these agencies would report back to me with what they know, unfortunately that's not how they work. Since the only other way to know "for sure" would be for the girls to be harmed, well... no. To the skeptics: keep in mind, too, the kind of trouble I'd be in if I made this up.
As for me, Kathrine, and all involved, again, thank you. Thank you.
[**BONUS article from Mother Jones reporting on the whole story in a more narrative format**](https://www.motherjones.com/crime-justice/2010/05/metafilter-russian-sex-ring/) | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/o2rjpk/a_series_of_small_realtime_updates_from_a_man/ | o2rjpk | 16,530 | 331 | [
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2021-06-19T05:40:31 | This one is wild, but with a hopeful ending - "Had a falling out with the girl I love and got served a cease and desist order. What can I legally do? [Michigan]" /r/legaladvice | LegalAdvice | **Original:** [**Had a falling out with the girl I love and got served a cease and desist order. What can I legally do? \[Michigan\] (x-post on r/ relationships)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/6ebbq9/had_a_falling_out_with_the_girl_i_love_and_got/)**. Posted in** /r/legaladvice
Hey guys, I already posted on [r/relationships](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/) for the relationship side of all this, but I need some advice on the legal side. For context, I am 21 and she is 19.
I will give the short version of the story here. I guess if you need more context, see my other post. I met this girl in January of this year at the start of the second semester at our university when we worked in one of the rec centers together. She was a freshman and I was a Junior. She started college a semester late (she said because of family issues) and said she was nervous about it, so I decided to show her around a bit. We got lunch a few times during the first month on campus and I gave her tours of the campus. We hit it off immediately and I knew I was in love instantly. Well, long story short, I asked her our and she said no. I was heartbroken, but she agreed to still be friends (unfortunately, I don't have evidence of this since the conversation was in person). I tried several times throughout the semester to show her what she meant to me, but she ignored me and all the thought I put into the gifts I gave her. We had a falling out that involved me drunk calling her and her telling me to leave her alone when I tried to explain.
I have spent the last month in absolute depression. I think about her every day. She blocked me on social media, so I can't see her profile, but I haven't texted her since school ended. But it finally got to be too much for me. I decided I would try one more time to show her how much I love her. I knew the town she moved to school from (its only like an hour away from me and I have family that live nearby- we have talked about it before), so I texted her and told her I was coming to meet her. I was going to meet her at X coffee shop and I wanted to talk about everything. Once again, she couldn't even do me the respect of replying. I checked her Instagram that night and saw that she was out partying that very night. There were pictures of her with alcohol (she is UNDERAGE) and her wearing skanky clothes (she told me she hated partying). its like she has become a totally different person. So I did freak out a little. I told her about how much I cared and about how awful it was for her to just ignore me like that. That I was going to come to coffee shop on X day and if she should do me the respect of coming to see me.
She never replied, but I got a piece of mail today. It was a fucking cease and desist letter. She said she would "seek legal avenues" if I didn't stop "harassing" her. What the fuck reddit? I need to know what I can do legally to talk to her and make sure she doesn't understand. I don't want to live a life knowing she hates me. From my research, a Cease and Desist letter isn't legally binding like a restraining order or anything and I am not harassing her since I don't have an intent to intimidate or hurt her, so she can't charge me with anything. Is all that true? Do I need a lawyer to respond to her letter?
Thanks for all your help and for reading this.
EDIT: Wow, everyone here is talking to me like I am a piece of shit. Just to be clear, I havenot contacted her since I got the letter. I am trying to figure out my next direction. I cant believe a sub specifically dedicated to legal advice is getting so personal
\---
/r/legaladvice *unanimously agrees that OP is being a creepy stalker and to leave the girl alone, summed up nicely by this comment:*
[MajorPhaser](https://www.reddit.com/user/MajorPhaser/) **Quality Contributor**[3 years ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/6ebbq9/had_a_falling_out_with_the_girl_i_love_and_got/di91902/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
You need to leave this person alone and seek some help. Your post reads like a best-of collection for "things emotionally unstable people say and do in the build up to seriously dangerous activity". You have:
* Asked her out and been rejected
* Refused to take no for an answer and continually asked her out and been told no repeatedly in no uncertain terms.
* Refused to understand that blocking you on social media is telling you in all caps "DO NOT TALK TO ME"
* Obsessively stalked her online
* Followed her to another city without asking (after all of this) to try to force a meeting she did not want
* Attacked her character because she's doing "unethical" things without you (somehow I doubt you'd be upset if she was drinking underage *with you*)
* Believe that you can force her to talk to you, or that she "owes" you a conversation after she has told you clearly and repeatedly that she wants nothing to do with you
Seriously, get help from a professional. This kind of behavior is a one way ticket to getting expelled from college and arrested. Frankly, you're lucky she hasn't reported you to the school yet because you're already at serious risk. Run, do not walk, away from this situation and never contact this person again.
*OP argues with everyone, including these gems:*
[**helpmeplease90182309**](https://www.reddit.com/user/helpmeplease90182309/) 1 point·[3 years ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/6ebbq9/had_a_falling_out_with_the_girl_i_love_and_got/di915ti/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
How can it be harassment if there is no intent to harm or threaten?
[**helpmeplease90182309**](https://www.reddit.com/user/helpmeplease90182309/) \-7 points·[3 years ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/6ebbq9/had_a_falling_out_with_the_girl_i_love_and_got/di91fds/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
But doesn't that require that I am INTENDING to disturb or upset? I am not. If anything, I am trying to calm the whole situation down.
[**helpmeplease90182309**](https://www.reddit.com/user/helpmeplease90182309/) \-9 points·[3 years ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/6ebbq9/had_a_falling_out_with_the_girl_i_love_and_got/di91b7k/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
She can't go to court if I haven't done anything illegal. No one here has told me what I am doing that is illegal.
[**helpmeplease90182309**](https://www.reddit.com/user/helpmeplease90182309/) 5 points·[3 years ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/6ebbq9/had_a_falling_out_with_the_girl_i_love_and_got/di91ium/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
How is it stalking? No one has been able to show me the law that I am stalking!
[**helpmeplease90182309**](https://www.reddit.com/user/helpmeplease90182309/) \-79 points·[3 years ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/6ebbq9/had_a_falling_out_with_the_girl_i_love_and_got/di918j2/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
What have I done that is illegal????
\---
**Update:** [**\[UPDATE\] Had a falling out with the girl I love and got served a cease and desist order. What can I legally do? \[Michigan\] (x-post on r/ relationships)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/71cjfn/update_had_a_falling_out_with_the_girl_i_love_and/)
Oh boy. I've been wondering for a while whether to post here again or not. I wasn't going to, but I know my last post ended up on a few other subreddits and I actually stumbled across it on my main account on [r/niceguys](https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/) and I read all the comments there. It was rough for me to read this original post, but it was a reminder of what my own mindset, and the mindset of so many men like me, was. I decided I needed to post again for some closure. I would have posted this on [r/relationships](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/), but they don't let you update posts they have taken down (yeah the mods there actually took down the post, not me).
For those who didn't see my original post on [r/relationships](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/) before it was removed, it included more detail than my last one here, so I'm going to link to a thread from [r/niceguys](https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/) from a few people saved the text of my relationships post in the comments. I want to take full accountability for everything, so I want to link it here:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/comments/6f696j/nice\_guy\_on\_rlegaladvice\_wants\_to\_know\_his/?st=j7t8wz5j&sh=badbe0c6](https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/comments/6f696j/nice_guy_on_rlegaladvice_wants_to_know_his/?st=j7t8wz5j&sh=badbe0c6)
First, I want to assure everyone that I didn't contact that girl ever again. Since I moved, I no longer see her or go anywhere by where she used to live, go to school, or work (I don't know if she still lives in the same area or goes to the same school. I have avoided getting any information about her at all). The way I acted and the way I hurt her and scared her so much still haunts me. Part of me wants to track her down and apologize, but I know from my classes that 1. that can re-victimize her all over again; 2. it would be a selfish thing to do because it would be to clear my conscience, not make her feel better. If she wants to get closure by talking to me, I'm sure she can find me somehow; and 3. I don't want to make the mistake of using an apology to make her feel manipulated to talking to me again. I learned in my classes that men do that a lot. I don't want to hurt her anymore, so I will work past the guilt while never talking to her again.
I was distraught after my last post here. I admit I came here looking for validation, not help. I had a warped sense of entitlement that led me to believe that no one would possibly disagree with me, but obviously, hundreds of people told me that I was fucked up, a predator, a stalker, and that I needed help. All of these people were right. I don't know what happened, but something clicked in me after seeing those comments (despite how combative and abusive I was in response to the comments). I checked myself into therapy in Michigan the week after I posted here. I knew something was wrong, but I was still in denial. I thought I needed help with heartbreak. I didn't recognize that I actually needed help with identifying and combatting my messed up belief systems that I used to justify stalking and victimizing that poor girl. After a few sessions, I started seeing a psychiatrist too. I got on mood stabilizers and I started to realize that something was very very wrong with the way I was acting. Something that couldn't be cured by medication. After talking it over with my therapist, I decided it would be best for me to move out of state into my Aunt's house. Within a month of me posting here, I had moved into her house.
After moving, I started the process of transferring to a new school next semester, working full time, and continued to take my medication and was transferred to a new therapist. I had a fresh idea of the issues I wanted to work on in therapy, but after a few weeks of having two therapy sessions a week, my therapist pointed out to me during a session that I was still exhibiting the same kind of obsessive behaviors over women that earned me a cease and desist letter in Michigan (though I wasn't stalking anyone at this point, I was just obsessing in my mind. Which is still bad, but I wasn't actively victimizing anyone). I realize that in addition to therapy, I needed more help. My therapist pointed me to a class run by a local agency that was designed for men that have committed violent crimes against women like domestic violence, assault, sexual assault, stalking ect. Most of the men in the class are court-ordered to go as a condition of their probation/parole, but you didn't have to be court ordered to go, so I signed up voluntarily. I attend a two-hour class session every week and have been attending for about a month now. The goal of the class is to help us recognize and change abusive/violent behaviors. I know most of you are thinking: what kind of monsters can't recognize violent behavior? People like me. People like me in the last post. I look like a normal person. I grew up in an upper-middle-class neighborhood. Monsters come in all shapes and sizes and I fooled myself by saying because I didn't "look" like an abuser or because I wasn't "like" the abusers I saw on TV, that I wasn't one. But I am. I can't take back what I've done, but I can promise myself I will never victimize anyone else again.
In conclusion, a lot had changed for me in three and a half months. I want to say that I do not blame my behavior on my mental illness or anger or the media or whatever. I made a conscious decision to stalk and terrorize another human being because I thought I had the right to dictate how others interact with me. The class is a year-long class and I have only been in it for a month, but I have already learned so much. I have learned from my group that abuse is always a conscious choice and a learned behavior. But I believe that since I've learned this behavior and it's voluntary, it's totally within my control to change it. I've also learned from my group about the importance of having a non-romantic support system, so I made some male and female friends at work that invite me over to play video games with them. Don't worry reddit, these are actual friends and not just people I am stalking or believe I am in love with (I talked about this extensively with my therapist and try to be cognizant of my obsessive tendencies).
Thank you to everyone who told it to me straight and I'm sorry for how I decided to treat everyone who was just trying to give me the advice I asked for.
**tl;dr**: I ceased, I desisted, and I got mental health help. Thanks to everyone.
**EDIT**: Wow, just wow. I didn't expect this response. I guess this is a top post of all time. I wanted to say some things for anyone who reads this in the future:
1. I read every single comment in [r/bestoflegaladvice](https://www.reddit.com/r/bestoflegaladvice/) even though I didn't reply to many. I cried a lot while reading them.
2. I didn't post this to be gilded or to be patted on the back. I'm not sure why I did it, but I don't think "congrats" is quite the right thing to say to me. I don't know if I deserve praise for being a normal human being with normal relationships. But thank you all for being so supportive anyway.
3. I've had at least 10 people ask me for the name of the program I am in. The program I am in is specific to my area, so I'd rather not disclose the name. However, I encourage anyone who is concerned that they are controlling or abusive in their relationships with partners, family or friends to google "batterer intervention programs in my area." I did some research today about the class I am in and that is what these types of classes are called. They all operate a little differently based on where you live and what program you do, but we use stuff like the power and control wheel and there are steps in my program. There is no official federal program I don't think.
4. I am not healed. I have a lot of obsessive thoughts and I have to try really really hard to have appropriate boundaries. My meds have helped with this, but it is a behavior and thought process I need to change and that cant be done with pills. I have a lot of mental health issues (duh, based on my first post) but honestly what you saw was just the tip of the iceberg. I have never had real "friends" until the ones I have now. Before Jaime, I definitely engaged in stalking behaviors with both women I had crushes on and men I wanted to be friends with. It was never as bad as it was with Jaime, but I still am sure I made people uncomfortable. I also have some self-harm behaviors I am working out. So to the person who was worried that I would use all of the good praise to say "oh I'm perfect now so I can do what I want," trust me, I know I am fucked up and I want to change. I want to have normal relationships and friendships. I want to not be known as "that creepy kid" at my new college.
Please get help if you need it. Take it from me: all people are capable of changing for the positive. | almostselfrealised | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/o39713/this_one_is_wild_but_with_a_hopeful_ending_had_a/ | o39713 | 16,356 | 955 | [
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2021-06-20T07:55:24 | One good turn - "Im just an old guy who doesn't give a shit about commission." /r/talesfromretail | TalesFromRetail | ***Original:*** [***"Im just an old guy who doesn't give a shit about commission."***](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalesFromRetail/comments/2a5il7/im_just_an_old_guy_who_doesnt_give_a_shit_about/) ***Posted in*** /r/talesfromretail
So I am a recent college graduate from a Television Broadcasting/ Media course. So far this summer I haven’t had a whole lot of luck with finding jobs as a freelance videographer. I have been applying everywhere and finally got contacted by an employer 2 weeks ago for my first freelance gig out of College. As I was discussing with my employer what kind of equipment I have and what I could do, I realized that for this job, I would need a new piece of equipment for my camera that was quite a bit of money. I knew it cost around $400 and that being a broke college grad, I have barely any money. So I check my bank account to see if theres any possibility that I can go and get this new piece of equipment that I need. It was payday for my minimum wage, part time job and somehow I had $440 in my account. So off the camera store I go.
I get to the local camera store and talk to the first "customer service representative" I see, an old guy who we’ll call Ed. I say hey this is what Im looking for what do you have? So he takes me over to the product and starts showing it to me. We start talking about what I’m doing and how I’m a recent college grad who just got there first job and how I’m putting everything I have into this equipment so I can do this job. I tell him about what I’m filming and how Im driving over 500km the next day just to do this job.
>ME: Great, awesome, that is exactly what I need. How much is it going to be after tax? ED: 460.65 ME: Damn ok let me check my bank I think I only have $440. ED: Ok here how bout this, you tell me what you have in your bank and I’ll make it work. Im just an old guy who is retired and doesn’t give a shit about commission. I just do this to keep me busy. I’ll see how low I can bring it. ME: Wow awesome thanks man! Ya I only have $440.00 (show him my phone) ED: Ok so the total is now $440.65. Do you have any change on you? Me: Ya in the car let me go grab it quick.
So I go out to the car and start looking. I left about $5 in change in there the night before so it shouldn’t be a problem. Except that its gone, Nothing. No quarters under the seat, no dimes, nothing. You have to be kidding me right!? So I start calling my mom to see if she can e-transfer me $5 so I can get this equipment. No answer. Call again, no answer. Call again, no answer.
WOW. THIS WOULD HAPPEN. 65 cents short of getting this thing and somebody stole my change.
As I’m building up the courage to stand in front of the beer store and pan handle for a dollar, Ed comes running out of the store, finds me in my car and does this..
>ED: Here’s a loonie. I couldn’t let you walk away from a deal like that because of a dollar. ME: Dude, you are the biggest life saver ever, thank you so much. ED: Don’t worry man I’m just an old guy who doesn’t give a shit about the commission and I can tell you’re a good kid just trying to get a break into the industry. ME: Man thank you soooo much.
So we go back into the store to pay. Meanwhile I’m thanking this guy the whole way.
>ED: Alright so thats going to be $440 on debit. ME: Awesome thanks man so much. ED: Hang on. Let me do one more thing. It’ll be our little secret... ME: Ok.... ED: So thats going to be $400 on debit. ME: Isnt it (gets cut off) ED: Shhhhhhhhhhhhh (proceeds to take out his wallet, take $40 out and put it in the cash register.) ME: Dude you are amazing. ED: Well I couldn’t let you leave here completely broke could I? You’re going to need money for gas and food. ME: Ed, you are the greatest guy ever thank you so much. ED: I’m just some old guy who wants to pay it forward. I don’t give a shit about the commission. Have fun with your new equipment and I wish you the best of luck with your career. Just do one thing for me. ME: Whats that? ED: When you get the chance to pay it forward when you’re older, do it. ME: Yes Sir! Thank you so so so so so much! ED: Have fun tomorrow!
So I walk out of this store with a new piece of camera equipment that would have normally cost $465. Ed took his $25 commission off and then paid $41 out of his own pocket so I could get it and still have gas money to get to my shoot the next day.
As much as the retail industry sucks, there truly is great people in it. Because of this new piece of equipment, I have been able to secure more freelance positions and my client base is slowly starting to grow and I am making a name for myself. All because some old guy who doesn’t give a shit about commission, decided to pay it forward.
***Update:*** [***UPDATE on Ed, the old man who doesn't give a shit about commission.***](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalesFromRetail/comments/2e1b23/update_on_ed_the_old_man_who_doesnt_give_a_shit/)
I was driving home from a freelance gig on Friday that I was able to secure in thanks to the piece of equipment that I got from Ed. During the shoot I nearly ran out of battery power after about 5 hours of filming. The client was with me pretty well the whole time and had made a few remarks about my battery almost being dead and hopefully being able to finish before the battery dies. Didn’t look too good on my part.
So on the drive home Im daydreaming about what equipment I’m going to by next and how Ive actually started to build a small client base. It got me reflecting and thinking about a whole bunch of stuff more then just my job, but about life and everybody who has been apart of it and supported me. And then I thought about my shoulder rig; the piece of equipment that gave me a big enough break into the industry and the reason why I had just finished that gig I was driving home from. Then I thought about Ed. That wonderful old man who doesn’t give a shit about commission.
By this time I’m getting close to home, but am stuck in the friday afternoon gridlock on the highway. Im two exits past the camera store that Ed works at and turning back would only mean more gridlock traffic on a very humid day in the middle of August.
Fuck it.
All of a sudden I’m slowly creeping over to the exit lane, getting off the highway and taking the side streets back to the city.
I get to the camera store, and I have a purpose. Im going to give Ed the recognition he deserves and makes sure somebody knows about it. I walk in and sure enough who’s the first employee that I see? Ed. He happens to be talking to two co workers about something. As I approach I take a quick glance at the name tags. One of them is the Manager. Perfect.
>“Hey Ed remember me!?”
>
>“Oh ya man of course I do!”
>
>“I need more camera equipment and I came to buy it from you.”
>
>“Sure! What were you looking to get?”
So we go off and start talking about the work Ive got since and what I’m planning for the next few months and all that sort of stuff. He told me about how he told his wife about me and how he wondered if I was ever going to come back. It was like catching up with an old friend. So we go up to the front and check out and I pay for the whole amount this time. Wasn’t even going to let him take commission off or anything. His manager is just standing off to the back and observing us. We finish up the transaction, we’re talking and I pull out one of my business cards to give to him.
>“Here take this. You can check out all of my videos from my website and get to my youtube channel from there.”
>
>“Awesome thanks man!”
>
>“No worries. I actually wanted to give you that for a reason. I have a connection for tickets for the local MLB team. I want to set you up with a pair of tickets. Give me about a 2 week notice for whatever game you want and I’ll get some tickets for you. You deserve it.”
>
>“What are you serious!?”
>
>“Ya man. You helped me out when so much that I want to do something for you. One good turn deserves another.”
Walk out of the store, got my battery, gave Ed the recognition he deserves in front of his manager and set him up with a pair of baseball tickets.
Pay it forward friends. A little kindness goes a long way. | almostselfrealised | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/o40fn2/one_good_turn_im_just_an_old_guy_who_doesnt_give/ | o40fn2 | 8,257 | 540 | [
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2021-06-20T07:56:48 | Boyfriend aggressive when drunk | Relationships | Edited to say: trigger warning rape
Love it when Reddit helps a person get out of an abusive relationship. Original post on r/relationships by u/RA-throwaway-97
My (24M) BF (32M) was aggressive when drunk and I'm not sure how to handle it?
Tl:dr – my boyfriend was aggressive and insulting when he was drunk. I realise how he acted wasn’t okay, but I don’t know how to deal with it because I’ve always found it very difficult to stand up for myself and be assertive in relationships. Apologies in advance, this is probably going to sound really pathetic but I could use some advice.
I (24M) have been seeing my boyfriend (32M) for a bit under five months. It’s been good for the most part, but there have also been times when he’s said and done things that were quite scary and/or hurtful, so it’s not like this is completely out of the blue.
Over the weekend, we went to two different gatherings – the first was with his friends and the second was with my friends. The one with his friends didn’t go particularly well, they were making a lot of stupid comments about how I look and saying I’m out of my boyfriend’s league (they’ve done this before, they’re all assholes tbh and I’d be happier not seeing them at all). He was obviously getting wound up by this but rather than telling them to shut up, he dealt with it by being really disparaging about me – more or less implying that I’m a bit stupid and my life is a mess. I ended up making excuses and leaving early, and told him afterwards he was being a jerk. He didn’t acknowledge that or apologise, he was just pissed off with me for “embarrassing” him.
The thing with my friends was the following night, so I guess things were already kinda tense. He hadn’t actually met most of them before, but instead of being friendly he seemed to be more focused on getting really drunk, really quickly (like, he was basically drinking neat vodka). As he got drunker, he started making really mean comments about me – that I’m a mess, I’m crazy, stuff about my sexual history. The thing is, I do have mental health problems and the stuff he was saying wasn’t exactly untrue, it was just done in a really hurtful way. I tried to take him aside and quietly ask him to lay off, but he ended up getting really aggressive and yelling in my face. I thought he was going to hit me tbh, I kinda braced myself for it. Then he got even more annoyed (“Don’t act like I’m going to hurt you or something, you know I would never do that”) - but I’ve been hit in previous relationships and it really didn’t seem like that unreasonable of an assumption given his body language. One of my friends ended up basically kicking him out, they tried to see if I was okay but I brushed it off and left shortly after – I was really embarrassed and I didn’t particularly want to talk about it anyway. Since then he’s been apologising loads and trying to get me to meet him so he can apologise properly and explain. I’ve said that I need a few days.
Tbh I really don’t want to be in this relationship anymore but I find it so difficult to end things when the other person doesn’t want to. It’s not even a “I love him, he can change” type thing, I guess I just feel like when someone wants something from me, I don’t deserve to tell them no? I’ve tried to end this relationship before (we had an argument over something really silly, then he was really aggressive sexually and it kinda freaked me out) – he said I owed it to him to at least talk it through in person, then he gave me drink after drink (obvs this is on me because no one forced me to drink them..) and the next thing I remember is waking up in his bed, having slept with him but with zero memory of it. I still feel really disgusted with myself about that, tbh I think I only agreed to get back together with him because at least then I could say I slept with him because I wanted to rather than what actually happened.
I’ve stopped telling my friends negative things about my relationships, because they pressure me to leave as if it’s really simple, but for some reason I find it so difficult – I know they’re trying to look out for me, but I just end up feeling even more stupid and pathetic for letting this stuff happen.
Does anyone have any advice on how I can deal with this? Please don’t say “if you don’t want to be in the relationship anymore just leave”, because for some reason I just don’t know how to do that. I wish I could just do it by text or email or something then block him, but obviously I know that’s not okay. It’s not like I’m being abused or anything, I just need to get a grip and deal with it.
UPDATE
Thank you so much for the advice and support, it was honestly so helpful.
Tl:Dr - I ended an unhealthy relationship and am now working on getting my head straight.
I ended things last night. I did it by text, but he called me pretty much immediately (from his work phone I'm guessing because I didn't have the number, but timing-wise I knew it was him). It was pretty awful, everything I was expecting really. Started off telling me he loves me and he's sorry and he'll change, but also that he doesn't know what he did wrong and I'm obviously over reacting about something - so not very convincing. He also seemed to be completely unable to think of anything he actually loves about me aside from how I look, which is something I've been noticing for a while.
He tried to guilt trip me into seeing him - he said he was just going to come round to my place, but luckily I wasn't there (I'm at a friend's place). He wanted me to meet him for a drink to talk things over - I kinda wanted to bring up what happened last time I tried to end it, but I wasn't brave enough and I think I'm still too messed up about it anyway.
When he realised none of what he was saying was working, he started getting angry pretty quickly tbh. He accused me of cheating on him (I'm not and never have, on anyone) and said I probably just wanted to end things so I'm free to f*ck around with as many people as I want. He said I'm trash, and a mess, and the only reason he put up with me was because he wanted to f*ck me (probably true honestly). Then he apologised and said he was just lashing out and trying to hurt me. To get off the call, I tried saying we could be friends (I didn't even want this tbh), he said he didn't want to because he wouldn't be able to handle seeing me happy.
It was rough but I did stick with what I wanted to do, and now it's over and he's been blocked on everything. He might try using other numbers, last time I tried to move away from the relationship he showed up at my house, sent letters/gifts/etc until I agreed to see him. I'm still staying with my friend though so that's not a problem right now.
I'm really relieved that it's done. I honestly feel like shit though, absolutely pathetic and worthless. I've not slept properly in weeks, I lost about 20 pounds, but I feel like I don't "deserve" to feel like this because I basically did it all to myself?
I'm at my friend's house which is really helpful, I've told her what happened and she's been so supportive. She has a cat who has kittens and has apparently decided to adopt me - she's taken to grooming my hair when I'm sad, my friend now refers to me as "Luna's seventh kitten" haha.
I'm trying to think of things that will make me feel better about myself. I've deactivated all my social media for now so I don't end up posting a load of thirst traps and regretting it later. Staying away from dating for a while obviously. I've been looking at options for further education - I'm thinking of applying to train as a nurse. It's something I've thought about before, I work as a health care assistant so I'm pretty confident about the practical side of things, though the exam/essay side of things terrifies me (adhd, dyslexia, plus just generally being kinda dumb) - maybe having direction/a goal will help.
Anyone got any tips on getting over a break up and/or improving self confidence? Or things I should definitely avoid? People mentioned therapy on my last post, as did my friend when I spoke to her about what's been going on, so I am looking at my options - it would actually be a lot easier/more affordable if I did go back to school so that's another consideration I guess.
Thank you again to the people who replied last time, you seriously have no idea how much I appreciate it and how much it helped, I really doubt if I would have been able to deal with the situation without your help. | haaskaalbaas | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/o40gag/boyfriend_aggressive_when_drunk/ | o40gag | 8,505 | 151 | [
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2021-06-20T09:31:22 | Girl continuously visits OP’s home | Relationship_Advice | Original: [https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship\_advice/comments/o1fzyh/how\_can\_we\_get\_this\_poor\_child\_to\_understand\_she/](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/o1fzyh/how_can_we_get_this_poor_child_to_understand_she/)
About a week ago, a young (12/13) girl appeared at my parents' house with a toy she'd found outside the gate, it was something my daughter (4) had left out somehow. My mother, who watches my daughter most week days, answered the door, she thanked her for returning the toy and the girl said she was hungry so my mother gave her some of the lunch she'd made for herself and my daughter. The girl then commenced to ask if there were any sweets she could have, and my mother managed to find some chocolate. Then the girl said she felt ill. My mother said she'd noticed the girl sounded congested, and my brother (who is staying there due to an injury) has immune issues, so my mother was worried the girl potentially had Covid and politely asked her to go back home if she was poorly as we can't risk catching Covid.
Since then, everyone who's been at the house has come down with a fever, cough, and chills. My mother was the first and she got tested, it isn't Covid, but it scared us all and we've decided it's not worth it to risk having her (or anyone else who isn't vaccinated) visit again.
However, this girl keeps showing up at the gate and trying to get them to buzz her in repeatedly all day every day since. My mother went out and explained to her that she's welcome once everyone has been vaccinated but until then they're not having any visitors but it's not working. We suspect she's the child of one of our neighbours but we're not sure which one as she doesn't seem familiar. My mother did make sure she has a home and someone to care for her, and she confirms she does but said she's 'bored' staying at home and her parents let her roam the neighbourhood (which is fine at her age, but constantly trying to get into my parents' home is not fine). When my mother asked, she didn't give an actual address where we could go talk to anyone though.
My mother is afraid of seeming rude because their house is in a very homogenous area but we are from Egypt and have had issues in the past of people in the area being hostile because they think we're 'terrorists' or otherwise don't want us living there. In other words, we are worried about possible retaliation for being too blunt about telling her to shove off, if she happens to come from a family who already resents us and would like an excuse to be cruel.
What can we do? Should one of us just keep going out and reminding her every time? If we don't answer, she continually uses the buzzer and calls in over and over which annoys my parents.
(I tried asking this on the parenting sub but it was taken down because I guess I would have to be the girl's parent to ask...)
Editing to add: My parents' home is in an area where there's literally no home or lot available for less than several million pounds. There is no way she lives there and is homeless or starving. She could be someone's household employee's child, but even so, according to my mother she's noticeably overweight and when asked if she had food at home, she said she did and that she was just bored.
Another edit: My mother said she spoke to another neighbour yesterday who thinks they know where the girl lives so hopefully we can speak to her parents and get this sorted.
**Yet another edit**: So a couple of things. I talked to my mother and she said that what happened was, she and my daughter were having some lunch when the girl first showed up. When she opened the door the girl asked her what the smell was in the house and she said it was lunch and the girl said it smelled good. My mum just thanked her because the girl was someone she didn't know well and she was wary of allowing her in the house or giving her food because of many factors but also the situation with racist neighbours. So then the girl asked what the food was and my mother told her (it's a type of white bean hummus and I can confirm it does smell good). THEN, after that, the girl started hinting around that she'd never had it before and that she was super hungry. My mother felt guilty and offered her some. So it would seem the girl isn't going just about knocking on doors in search of food. She has asked my mother for sweets since but hasn't asked for food again.
More importantly, the neighbour lady was able to tell my mother where the girl lives. I'll actually make an update post when it's the appropriate time in case people don't see this. She drove up very early and had a look but it was apparent no one was awake (my mother wakes up at like 4 naturally, she's daft), so she didn't bother them. Later in the morning the girl appeared again. My mother asked her if she lived at the address she'd been given and the girl acted a bit dodgy about it but said yes, but that 'no one was home'. My mother insisted on walking the girl back there to see, and the whole way, the girl was making various excuses as to why she shouldn't, including something about her sister filming a YouTube video and that she couldn't be bothered, that they wouldn't be able to go inside and she would be stuck outside if she went back, that they had a vicious dog, etc. My mother was obviously very concerned and expecting to find something terrible going on.
Once they arrived, the girl refused to call in the gate so my mother did, and a girl answered and seemed confused at first but let my mother and the girl in the gate. The house was very nice, normal, clean and such. The 'vicious' dog was a friendly setter apparently. The other girl, who was an older teen or young adult, met them at the door and seemed absolutely mortified and kept apologising the whole time that her sister had bothered my mum. Of course my mother said it was fine and explained the situation about everyone having caught something, which the girl confirmed they'd all had but her parents had told them to stay home until they were well, her sister just didn't listen. The older girl said that her sister was telling her she was walking or riding her bike to the shops and that she had no idea she was actually harassing neighbours. My mum asked where their parents were and apparently the parents both work and the girls are home during the week. There's not much anyone can do as that is legal here, especially as the older one is there. She didn't ask about school because she didn't want to seem like a nosy neighbour. Basically the older sister seemed very pleasant and confirmed that everything was fine, and also said that her sister gets bored and goes out but that she isn't supposed to be bothering anyone.
Later on my mother was out for a walk and saw a car similar to the one she'd seen in the drive earlier at the girls' house so she approached it and asked if the lady driving it was the mum of two girls at that address. The lady was cheerful and friendly and confirmed that she was. My mother told her that her younger child had been showing up at the house often and that we can't have visitors because of my brother's immune issues. The mother apologised and said that her daughter doesn't have any friends in the neighbourhood and was probably just looking for someone to talk to, which of course my mother completely understood and told them that after everyone can be vaccinated, she'd be happy to have the girl over if she would like to visit.
All told it really seems like the girl is being treated well and is just bored or lonely and maybe has some boundary issues. My mother did not tell them that she was trying to get sweets or that she was there trying the buzzer for hours, because she wasn't looking to get the girl into any trouble. Now we wait and see if she shows up again tomorrow...
Update: [https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship\_advice/comments/o3ym5o/update\_how\_can\_we\_get\_this\_poor\_child\_to/](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/o3ym5o/update_how_can_we_get_this_poor_child_to/)
I'd added most of this to the OP in an edit but I wanted to give an actual update in case people hadn't seen that and also, because there's an additional (small) tidbit as well.
I wanted to clarify the part about her 'being hungry' in my OP first as it wasn't as dire as I think I made it seem. I talked to my mother and she said that what happened was, she and my daughter were having some lunch when the girl first showed up. When she opened the door the girl asked her what the smell was in the house and she said it was lunch and the girl said it smelled good. My mum just thanked her because the girl was someone she didn't know well and she was wary of allowing her in the house or giving her food because of many factors but also the situation with racist neighbours. So then the girl asked what the food was and my mother told her (it's a type of white bean hummus with bread and I can confirm it does smell good). THEN, after that, the girl started hinting around that she'd never had it before and that she was hungry. My mother felt guilty and offered her some. So it would seem the girl isn't just going about knocking on doors in search of food. She has asked my mother for sweets since but hasn't asked for food again.
More importantly, the neighbour lady was able to tell my mother where the girl lives. She drove up very early and had a look but it was apparent no one was awake (my mother wakes up at like 4 naturally, she's daft), so she didn't bother them. Later in the morning the girl appeared again. My mother asked her if she lived at the address she'd been given and the girl acted a bit dodgy about it but said yes, but that 'no one was home'. My mother insisted on walking the girl back there to see, and the whole way, the girl was making various excuses as to why she shouldn't, including something about her sister filming a YouTube video and that she couldn't be bothered, that they wouldn't be able to go inside and she would be stuck outside if she went back, that they had a vicious dog, etc. My mother was obviously very concerned and expecting to find something terrible going on.
Once they arrived, the girl refused to call in the gate so my mother did, and a girl answered and seemed confused at first but let my mother and the girl in the gate. The house was very nice, normal, clean and such. The 'vicious' dog was a friendly setter apparently. The other girl, who was an older teen or young adult, met them at the door and seemed absolutely mortified and kept apologising the whole time that her sister had bothered my mum. Of course my mother said it was fine and explained the situation about everyone having caught something, which the girl confirmed they'd all had but her parents had told them to stay home until they were well, her sister just didn't listen. The older girl said that her sister was telling her she was walking or riding her bike to the shops and that she had no idea she was actually harassing neighbours. My mum asked where their parents were and apparently the parents both work and the girls are home during the week. There's not much anyone can do as that is legal here, especially as the older one is there. She didn't ask about school because she didn't want to seem like a nosy neighbour. Basically the older sister seemed very pleasant and confirmed that everything was fine, and also said that her sister gets bored and goes out but that she isn't supposed to be bothering anyone.
Later on my mother was out for a walk and saw a car similar to the one she'd seen in the drive earlier at the girls' house so she approached it and asked if the lady driving it was the mum of two girls at that address. The lady was cheerful and friendly and confirmed that she was. My mother told her that her younger child had been showing up at the house often and that we can't have visitors because of my brother's immune issues. The mother apologised and said that her daughter doesn't have any friends in the neighbourhood and was probably just looking for someone to talk to, which of course my mother completely understood and told them that after everyone can be vaccinated, she'd be happy to have the girl over if she would like to visit.
All told it really seems like the girl is being treated well and is just bored or lonely and maybe has some boundary issues. My mother did not tell them that she was trying to get sweets or that she was there trying the buzzer for hours, because she wasn't looking to get the girl into any trouble. Now we wait and see if she shows up again tomorrow...
Last small bit of new info: Yesterday my mother, my daughter, and I went for a walk and we ran into none other than the girl and her older sister. The older sister recognised my mum and they talked for a bit, while the younger one looked *super* annoyed, very animatedly so, the whole time. It was definitely intended for us to notice. She sighed heavily and rolled her eyes about every two seconds. I have a feeling her sister must have had a go at her for harassing my parents. My mother asked what they were up to and the older one said they were 'walking to the shops *together* this time', where they were supposed to meet their parents at a restaurant to eat and then to do some shopping. My mum felt a bit guilty because it seemed she might have been the catalyst for the girl having to be out with her sister instead of alone, but at least she wasn't wandering the neighbourhood by herself, and possibly finding trouble or danger.
I'm convinced having seen the two myself that by far the most likely explanation is still that she was bored or lonely and looking for something to do, or someone to talk to other than her sister. My mum gave her delicious food and sweets and she probably figured our house was her best bet for free food and entertainment. Her attitude wasn't terrible but the way she acted made her seem a bit spoilt or just maybe a typical obstinate young teen who was thoroughly annoyed she'd been forced to hang out with her sister. There were no pleading eyes behind her sister's back, or signs of fear, or anything like that.
I'm hopeful that after we've all gotten the job, maybe we can be friendly with these girls and their parents because it would be nice to have some neighbours who don't think we've ruined the place by moving in (lol, my parents have lived there for 20 years...) or suspect us of planning a terror attack or anything. | Ghostofamermaid | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/o41w3h/girl_continuously_visits_ops_home/ | o41w3h | 14,522 | 243 | [
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2021-06-20T18:36:24 | Boyfriend's Family Doesn't Like That OP Goes To College | AITA | [Original Post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o1azz5/aita_for_defending_myself_against_my_boyfriends/)
AITA for defending myself against my boyfriend’s family who made false assumptions about me for attending college?
I (20F) have been seeing a guy (20M) for about four months. A few nights ago, I finally met his parents and older siblings at a dinner party in their family home. Things took a turn and now I am unsure if I have a boyfriend or not.
The college I go to is not an Ivy League, but it is as renowned as an Ivy League university would be. My boyfriend does not attend college and I don’t really care about any of that. However, his family seemed to have a problem with me after I informed them of which university I attended.
Introductions were okay and they asked me typical questions that you’d ask your child’s s/o. Then they asked me what job I worked, and I told them I tutored teens but am a full-time student at university. His father said real men should “work the streets” (whatever that means) and that’s why he never sent my boyfriend or his brothers to college. His mother said women should “work at home”. They proceeded to drop several comments about me that heavily implied that I only went to college because I had rich parents (which I don’t). They were painting me as some privileged kid and his mother even said that I’d “never know the struggles of being a working-class black person in America”.
I was starting to get a little upset because they were treating me like a joke, they made false assumptions of me and my family, were trying to push their patriarchal viewpoints onto me, and they disregarded that I work hard too! Because I was in their home, I kept my calm and I politely told them that my parents were not rich and I was paying for my college tuition through scholarships and aid which I worked HARD for. I told them that I respected them for being so content in life but I wanted them to understand that not everyone believes in those specific gender roles and I was one of those people. The career I want to pursue in life which will make ME content requires tertiary education and like them, I will also have to work hard for it. Degree or no degree, life has its challenges no matter which path you end up taking.
They seemed taken aback and they quickly brushed it off. I hope I didn’t come off as rude or pretentious because that wasn’t the goal. I just didn’t want them thinking I was some spoiled kid but I also didn’t want them thinking of me as ill-mannered. The rest of the night was awkward and after dinner, they didn’t even bother to see me out the door. My boyfriend (who had been relatively quiet through this ordeal) walked me out and apologized quietly. I went home and didn’t bother texting him until the next day but he didn’t reply. He hasn’t replied to me on anything and his friends won’t either.
Now I’m starting to reevaluate everything I said. I really like this boy and I don’t know what to do right now. There was obviously some miscommunication but I want to clear it with him.
Reddit, AITA?
[Update ](https://www.reddit.com/user/dierkan_72/comments/o25vvm/update_aita_for_defending_myself_against_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
The Reddit comments from yesterday gave me enough courage to spam him and he finally replied.
He gave me a simple apology and told me that it was over. This is what I wanted, of course, but I was shocked he gave up so easily. I asked to meet up and discuss things, but he declined. So I asked him what was going on in his head right over text.
I know I said I would give him a piece of my mind, but we ended up having a civil heart-to-heart conversation. I told him that this was unacceptable and I didn’t like the fact that he let his parents walk over me. He told me that he had different views than his parents but still had a hard time moving on because he didn’t have a good enough job to live on his own. He told me that he really liked me but knew it wouldn’t work out and that this would always be the outcome. I asked him why he dated me if he knew that this would be how it ended, and he said that he always wanted someone like me, even for a short while.
This is the part where it gets sad.
All his life he lived close to the university I attend now. He always wanted a degree in mechanical engineering from that university but never really tried during high school because he knew that his parents wouldn’t allow him to go. He was scared of being ostracized by his family and never got the chance to live his dreams. He told me that I had everything he really wanted and I guess he was vicariously living through me? I was confused and I’ll admit, I’m a bit angry because he used my feelings to his advantage, even though the reason is really pitiful. He wanted to date me because he wanted a taste of his dreams that someone else was living and that breaks my heart.
I tried to convince him to talk to me in person so we could sort out our feelings but he declined again. I asked him if we could still be friends and maybe start talking again after a while but he said that he didn’t think it was a good idea for either of us, especially himself. What he did was sad and selfish, but I’m so heartbroken about this whole thing.
Yesterday, I was angry and you guys could tell by the way I replied. Today, I am upset and my heart hurts for him and the relationship we could’ve had. I wish that his family weren’t the way they are and I wish that he could get his college education.
I liked this boy and I still do. I wish him all the best in life and I hope he gets to live his dreams.
Thank you for your support. | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/o4bz08/boyfriends_family_doesnt_like_that_op_goes_to/ | o4bz08 | 5,718 | 453 | [
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2021-06-20T22:58:49 | Bittersweet story of a fantastic step-mother (TW: homophobia) | Relationships | *This is a repost, original* [*post*](https://old.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/nb1jcp/nightmare_situation_me35f_with_partner40m_my_son/) *by* u/Unique-Emergency3407*.*
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Four years ago I met Bob (40M). Bob had recently become the guardian of his nephew Ben after the death of Ben's parents in a car accident. Ben is the same age as my son Jason, 11 at the time, now 15.
At first it seemed perfect. I was over the moon at finding a man who was not put off by the prospect of taking on a soon-to-be teenage stepson (Jason's father is not in the picture), and in spite of being very different personalities, the boys got along from the beginning, so Bob and Ben moved into my house within less than a year.
Ben was always a quieter, more creative kid where Jason is more athletic and boisterous, and from the start I got the sense that Bob 'understood' Jason's way of being more than he did Ben's. At first he would take them both to sports games, but Ben obviously had no interest and so pretty soon he just took Jason. At the time it seemed like a natural choice - Ben was bored at the games and Jason honestly reveled in having all Bob's attention - but after that things started unraveling. As they grew older the difference in the boys became more obvious (their choices of clothing, hairstyle, friends, music, hobbies, etc.), and so did Bob's preference. He started making little comments comparing them and encouraging Ben to be more like Jason. At first it seemed like he was trying to be helpful, thinking that Jason's way of being was healthier (he's more outgoing, has a more active social life, etc) because that's what he remembered from his own experience, but after a while there was clear snideness there which it was impossible not to hear. My son has always had a strong protective streak/sense of fairness, and in spite of their differences and the late age they were introduced, he and Ben are very close, so Jason's reaction to Bob's remarks favouring him was to take Ben's side. He stopped going to games with Bob and generally liking him, and for a while became openly hostile on Ben's behalf. That stopped once he and Bob had a major argument. Jason backed down at that point because, he told me, he realised that if he kept making himself unpleasant, Bob and I might break up, in which case Ben would have to leave too. Since then, with a few exceptions, he has been coldly civil. Meanwhile, Bob has come to believe Ben is gay based on what I consider spurious evidence (not that it matters to me whether he is or not). He wanted to send him to a military type reform school, and when I vetoed that, his behaviour towards Ben has escalated to a subtle kind of downright nastiness.
Needless to say, all of the above strained Bob's and my relationship to breaking point and then broke it. Seeing his ongoing behaviour towards a child who needs him I can no longer look at him with anything but disgust. The thought of him touching me makes my skin crawl and I desperately want him out of my house (we're not married and it's still in my sole name, thank God), but now I have the same problem Jason was worried about: If I end the relationship and kick Bob out, Ben will have to go to, since legally I have no tie to him whatever. He's fifteen now and although he has borne everything by stoically ignoring Bob, I can't in good conscious let that man be solely responsible for him (for what it's worth, I have always tried to stick up for him and get Bob to see that there are many types of boy in the world and all of them are equally okay). Not to mention, I don't think Jason would ever forgive me if I did. I would happily take guardianship of Ben if I could, even if Bob made no financial contribution at all we could manage if we cut back on luxuries. My concern is that I am far from sure Bob would agree. However he personally feels about Ben, Ben is still his flesh and blood and Bob feels strongly about that (to be honest I think it's part of the reason he resents Ben so much - Ben is 'the last of the line' and not turning out how Bob thinks his family should be represented). If I were to start a conversation along those lines and Bob refused to allow Ben to stay, it would be incredibly difficult to roll back. The idea of having to continue to play his supportive wife to stop him leaving of his own accord for another two and a half years (till Ben turns 18) sounds like a nightmare, but the alternative is worse. What is the best way to manage and get through this?
TL;DR: Partner has shown himself to be abusive and homophobic towards his nephew. I want to leave him, but if I do he will likely take his nephew with him. What do I do?
&#x200B;
EDIT: Thank you all so much for your support, advice and kind words! Your comments have given me a lot to think about, and I will be making contact with a family lawyer shortly.
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[**UPDATE**](https://old.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/o4c6y1/update_to_nightmare_situation_me35f_with/)
Hi again everyone. I posted about my family problem about a month ago and was bowled over by the amount of kind and extremely helpful comments I got. Someone requested an update, so I'm posting now to tell you what's happened since. To be honest it's also to unburden myself, the boys are really sweet but I obviously can't talk to them about these things and there aren't a lot of people in my life I feel comfortable sharing all the details with. I suppose I'm embarrassed.
The week after my original post, I met with a family lawyer I know to go over options. I actually wrote down the legal suggestions posted here to discuss with her, but unfortunately, after going over each and several others in detail, we had to conclude that for each one, while it might technically be feasible, it would either take too long to be practical, or require things from Bob or from Ben which for various reasons were not ideal. Following the meeting, I was mulling things over and decided to take a long hard look at our finances to see what might be affordable as a compromise, such as perhaps sending Ben to a GOOD boarding school and pay tuition up front, so that if I then left Bob it would be easier and cheaper for him to leave Ben there rather than move him to a different school.
Anyway, I went over our financial records with a fine-toothed comb, and that's when I discovered Bob was cheating on me, and had been for the entirety of our relationship. It turns out that, prior to Ben's parents' death, Bob had been about to move in with another woman. This woman didn't want kids, so when Bob was suddenly faced with taking custody of Ben or seeing him placed in foster care, she made it clear she would not be involved (for the record I can't say I blame her - I love my boys with all my heart, but asking someone who never wanted kids to parent a bereaved 11 year old she has never met is not in anyone's best interests in my opinion). When I confronted him about the affair, he didn't even attempt to deny it. He seemed ashamed (good!!) and just asked what happened next, so I told him that next he was going to get his stuff and get out of my house, but first ask Ben if he wants to go or stay, because it wouldn't be fair to disrupt the poor kid's life any further. Ben quickly said he preferred to stay, and Bob seemed frankly relieved. He moved out that weekend and I haven't seen him since. We've been in touch by text to discuss financial arrangements, though, and last week he sent me money to cover Ben's basic expenses (nothing like as much as child support, but under the circumstances I'll take it and be glad). From his attitude I take it that he's seeing this as a longterm thing, but even he doesn't, according to the family lawyer, his leaving Ben with me even for a while, along with Ben's age and the fact that Bob is his guardian rather than his father, would make it easier to build a case for Ben to stay even if Bob does try to fight it. The lawyer is confident that such a battle could be won, or at least dragged out till Ben is 18 and it doesn't matter anymore. So that, as you can imagine, has been an enormous relief.
That makes it that much harder to admit that finding out about Bob has still hit me hard. The fact is that, even though I was absolutely done with him and wanted him out, there was a time I truly believed he wanted to be with me and that we could build a life together. I knew our relationship wasn't a romance for the ages or anything like that, but it was by far the best I'd had since before my son was born and I really thought we cared for and valued one another. Now I realise that all he ever wanted from me was a mother for Ben. He as good as admitted it, and in retrospect it makes complete sense. That's why he never wanted to get married or buy into my house even though I offered (though now of course I am grateful!), because he wanted to make it as easy as possible to split from me once Ben was old enough to no longer require my services. I think it might even explain why he was so hard on Ben and grasping at straws for a reason to send him away. I never expected it of him based on what else I knew or I never would have been with him, but if he was blaming Ben for getting in the way of his life and simultaneously feeling guilty for, that could turn a mild-mannered person mean I think. Maybe he even thought if Ben was away most of the time the other woman would be willing to compromise for a few years? I don't know. I've even been wondering whether he decided to pursue me before we'd even met (the boys met first through an extracurricular where they became friends. It's possible that Jason mentioned my being single in passing, allowing Bob to identify me as potentially 'suitable' before we ever met).
I'm sorry this is such a mopey post, I truly am grateful for the way things worked out, I think it's the best possible solution for everyone under the circumstances, and not one I could have achieved without Bob's 'help'. And the boys have been wonderful, they didn't know I was trying to get Bob out anyway so they've been treating me very gently (or as gently as you can expect teenage boys to be, anyway) and trying to pretend they aren't thrilled Bob is gone when I'm in the room. I'm glad of that, to be honest. I AM so grateful he's gone and Ben is still safe here with us, I just need a bit of time to really remember it, I think.
TL;DR: It turns out Bob has been cheating on me most likely for the entire duration of our relationship. He's moved out and left Ben with me. | tyrelltsura | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/o4hab8/bittersweet_story_of_a_fantastic_stepmother_tw/ | o4hab8 | 10,972 | 269 | [
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2021-06-20T22:58:58 | I (29f) am divorcing my husband (30m) because he has autism. How can I do it respectfully? + UPDATE | Relationship_Advice | [ORIGINAL](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/o1gc7g/i_29f_am_divorcing_my_husband_30m_because_he_has/) by u/Throw-RA-breakup
So when I (29f) first met my husband (30m) I knew he has autism. We met at uni and it never seemed to be a problem. He was what you'd describe as quirky but we fell in love and eventually got married.
Over time he developped some sensory issues which meant that I had to do the majority of housework. I didn't really mind because I pursued an MA while he went to work. However, his autism became more noticeable as time went on. At first I couldn't have my girlfriends over without a weeks notice and then it was just off the table completely. I accepted that he doesn't like other people entering our space so we had our hangouts at their places. Then I had to start doing chores on his schedule so he could be mentally prepared for the noise of the vacuum. It's all small things really.
It hit me a few weeks ago. I want out. I finished my PhD and got a job offer in a different state. It's a great offer and I want to take it. I started looking at places but so many were already out the question because they wouldn't accommodate my husband's many rules. As I was searching for new places I realised that I want to get a divorce. I want to move and be able to vacuum when I want and have friends over when I want. I want to eat out without having to check that the restaurant doesn't play loud music and I want to eventually meet someone who is capable of doing half of the house work.
My decision has been made. But how do I tell my husband that I am leaving? I want to do it respectfully but at the same time I feel like he deserves to know why. I think I am leaving him because he has autism and I fear that that will break him and at the same time make me a horrible person.
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/o4f413/update_i_29f_am_divorcing_my_husband_30m_because/)
It's been three days since I posted about wanting to leave my husband because his autism has made it impossible for me to live a normal life.
Some of you suggested that he may be using his autism to get out of doing housework and I'm afraid you were not wrong. I sat him down yesterday and told him that the situation has got to a point where I am no longer happy and I haven't been for a while. I don't love him anymore and there is zero attraction. I do still care for him though and I told him I was happy to keep paying my share of the rent (we split everything 50/50) for three more months after I have moved so that he has enough time to find a place that suits his needs.
He did not take it well at all. First he begged me to reconsider but I stood firm. Then he said that I'm ableist for leaving him because of his autism. After that didn't work either he admitted that he just go too comfortable with me doing everything around the house and that he was willing to go to therapy with me. I told him that my decision is made. I have accepted the job offer and I'll contact a divorce lawyer next week.
I also told him that while I still won't have people over out of respect for him, he'll have to start doing his own chores.
Just a sidenote to everyone who assumed that he financed me: uni is free here and you get paid to do your PhD. I teach classes and do fieldwork.
Anyway, that's all I think. I'm excited for the future and am looking forward to being able to have friends over again. | red_earaches | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/o4haer/i_29f_am_divorcing_my_husband_30m_because_he_has/ | o4haer | 3,463 | 978 | [
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2021-06-21T00:38:19 | My (24F) fiancee (27M) left me for the "one that got away" but now wants me back | Relationships | *This is a repost.* [*The original post*](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3rt27g/my24f_fiancee27m_left_me_for_his_on_that_got_away/) *is by* u/ deleted
My fiancée and i had been together 3 years. He was my first boyfriend. We laughed ,cried, worried and were happy together. Our families had mixed really well. Our moms became close friends really fast. He was my bestfriend, my confident, my support, my comfort. I looked at him and could see our future together. God i'm even crying remembering one time we took a blanket, went outside, and looked up at the stars like in some book. I never thought something like this could happen to me. The man i loved could have never done anything like that to me.
It all started about a two months ago. His ex (highschool sweetheart together 7 years) moved back to our country and wanted to catch up with Mark(fake name). He told me they broke up because they were unable to sustain a LDR when she left to pursue postgraduate studies. They hadn't been in contact for about 5 years. She sent him an email, he showed it to me and it was completely platonic, she was just curious about what he had become. He asked me if he could meet her and i said yes. I trusted him. So he went, but when he came back he was a bit withdrawn. He is usually really chatty but he was dismissive when i asked him how it went etc...I let it go. However the following weeks he was often on his phone, he picked random fights with me and didn't look me in the eyes when we had sex, didn't whisper loving words either. I'm really touchy/clingy and in our 3 years together he had never once recoiled or refused my embrace but he started doing it. I usually hug him like a koala when he comes back home from work ( i'm a bit childish i know) but he only let me do it twice. It was such a sudden change. I asked him what was wrong but he just said he wasn't feeling too good nowadays. On a saturday i went to visit his grandma as we usually knit together (she taught me) and i was gone the whole day. I feel really close to her because she adopted me easily and reminds me of my own who died when i was in highschool.
When i came back i found him packing his stuff. My whole world fell apart. He was being so cowardly. He told me he was sorry for making me suffer like this but sometimes life gives you a second chance and you have to recognize it for what it is. That he loved me but when he met his ex, he realized the feelings weren't the same. He said he regretted letting go of her. That he had found himself again. That it had been a difficult choice for him but he had to take this chance. His ex wanted him back. She had realized what she had lost and risked losing for good when he told her he was getting married. He supposedly refused her at first but as time passed, and they talked together his old feelings came back. He hoped i would forgive him one day and understand. I cried as he was talking. It sounds stupid but it was as if it was a stranger in front of me. He said he would still pay rent and part of the bills until our lease was up and i can find another place. He makes a lot more than me and i wouldn't be able to afford living in our apartment on my own. I begged him not to make this mistake, that he was being fooled by an idealized memory of their past together, that he was having cold feet. But he was like a wall, he didn't even look at me. At about 10 pm there was a truck outside with one of his friends waiting for him. He apparently came to help him move. I wasn't really close with that particular friend but he did seem sorry for me. Mark hugged me goodbye and left.
I hadn't cried that hard in years. I slept in our spare room not to feel the emptiness of our room with his things gone. I sunk to thee deepest pathetic and tried to call him but it went to voicemail. I. Had no idea where he went but assumed he was now living with his ex after 3 weeks of talking again, how ridiculous.
I'm really lucky to have supportive friends and family. My bestfriend even moved in for 5 days. My parents wanted me back home with them but i wasn't ready to leave. Mark is a bit messy and i'm a manic so it felt weird having everything perfectly neat. I missed his messiness. It was as if he was the one making our house a home. He used to joke about me wanting the house to look like it was on sale or in a catalogue. Not waking up to make breakfast, not seeing him read lying on the sofa while i studied felt weird. Not buying his favorite snack or powder proteins when doing groceries felt weird. I felt really lost at first. It was like grieving. Usually when people breakup their relationship was going south but to me it came out of nowhere. I still loved him, i was still planning the wedding and working on my side to build our future together. It was all gone in a day. I wish i had been smarter and refused he meet his "one that got away".
His family was dumbfounded. I still went to see his grandma and she told me he was a "fool" that he would come back crawling to me. She was the first person who managed to make me laugh. His mom,my mom and i started making calls to cancel all reservations. Luckily the store accepted to take back the dress. We didn't pay much for the location as we cancelled early. Next was to inform the guests. He had been gone for about three weeks then. His family was furious with him so they didn't contact him much. The only contact i had with him was the signed cheque he made to cover the wedding cancellation.
However, about a week ago i received a letter from him. He apologized for leaving me like this. Said he made the biggest mistake of his life. That he couldn't even believe what he had done. That he was writing me this letter because he didn't have the courage to face me. "You were right, i was running after a perfect relationship that had never existed. I regret it so much. I thought i was in love with her, but in reality i was in love with what she represented. My youngerself with no responsibilities and only dreams. I had cold feet and got afraid of moving forward into this new segment of my life. I couldn't stop thinking about you when i was with her. She is not you. She doesn't know me or loves me like you. She doesn't smell like you. I missed hearing you sing randomly throughout the day, i missed having someone nagging me to pick up ly stuff, i miss planning halloween parties for the kids with you. At the time i'm writing this letter we would have probably been decoration shopping had i not been a fool. Everyone told me but i was being a blind fool. I would do anything to go back in the past and slap some sense into myself. I would do anything for you to forgive me. I know we have already started cancelling everything but i'm ready to pay for everything myself. You can date someone else to even scores if you want as long as you come back to me..." I would write the whole letter but i'm on my ipad and it's tiring. I just gave the important parts. He kept on with apologies and begging me to forgive him.
Now i told my family (left friends out for the moment) and his mom and grandma. Grandma had a very satisfying told you so moment. However she is rooting me to forgive him. His mom was supposed to send a formal letter to guests to tell them the wedding was off but now is waiting for my answer. I don't know what to do. I love him with all my heart but what he did to me i don't know if i can get over it. He made me feel worthless. He threw me away as if i was no one to him after 3 years. He gave up on us for some ghost from his past when we were at our happiest. If he can leave me when we are doing good how will we sustain a marriage? Will he leave the moment things get hard? He hurt me so badly and expect me to forgive him? He wants us to meet on sunday but i'm not sure. I'm willing to. I need some perspective. What would you do in my situation?
**tl;dr: My fiance left me for his "one that got away" but now wants me back, after leaving me one day out of the blue to go live with her. Apparently he made the "biggest mistake of his life" and will do anything to get me back**
&#x200B;
[*Update*](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3sk5mv/update_my24f_fiance_27m_left_me_for_his_one_that/)
I didn't plan on updating or at least not so soon but i have another problem.
I'm really thankful to everyone who answered and comforted me. You guys gave me the strength to look forward and not make a decision based on nostalgia. I felt really alone in my pain but thanks to you i felt a little less lonely.
So Mark wanted to meet on sunday but i unblocked him from my phone and told him i didn't want to meet and to please not contact me anymore, he answered "Please baby i need to talk to you, can we meet another day? I know i fucked up really bad and hurt you deeply but i'll do anything to make it up to you, anything you ask i'll do it...'' needless to say it just angered me more, how dare he use terms of endearment with me. I just blocked him again after that. I met his mom on saturday and told her to proceed with the notification of cancellation. We had an emotional moment and she told me even though she would have really wanted us to stay ''One big family'', she would have done the same in my place. She had hoped i would find the strength to forgive him but she understands. And so the wedding is indeed still being cancelled. My poor brother ( i told him personally) had already bought his plane tickets from Australia but got a refund. I rearranged all the furnitures in the house and bought new bedding sets, to make a new start and moved to the spare room for good. It looks really different and i like it. Apparently he told our friends because some brought it up to me, asking if we are getting back together, but said they ''didn't want to side''.
On sunday evening i had a visitor. I never have people coming this late usually, it was around 9pm. When i went to look through the peephole i saw Mark, **with his ex**. I seriously had a moment of panic. He must still have the key for the main entry since he managed to get to my door without using the intercom. I don't know if it was a coward thing to do but i just chose not to open. I know they knew i was there and i heard him ask me to ''Please let him in, that he just wanted to talk'' through the door. Honestly even though i feel better i don't think i'm emotionally stable enough to deal with him and especially him with his ex. They stayed about 15 minutes and then they left. I thought he would get the message but they came again yesterday around the same time!! And i didn't open again. They waited even longer. I know i'm not being an adult.
So now i don't know what to do. I feel nervous in my own house because i dread the moment they'll come back. He knows my schedule and he came at the time where i usually come back from my zumba class. However yesterday was a holiday so we didn't have class. I'm afraid he will come again and i don't think i can face him. What should i do? I know i can't run away forever but i need more time. Is this worth calling the police over? I fear it would make the problem bigger than it is and hurt our family relations, our moms are really close. And really he is not dangerous, i think. He didn't contact me enough for it to be considered harassment anyway. Should i just be a big girl and open the next time he or they come? Or do i wait it out? Also why the hell is he bringing her? I'm curious but i want to stand by my decision.
**tl;dr: I decided not to take him back and told his mom to send the notification of cancellation to the guests. I refused to meet him on sunday but he came in the evening with his ex and again yesterday night. What should i do. Can i just keep on avoiding them or do i have to have that talk i do not want to have?** | SomaliMN | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/o4j2sr/my_24f_fiancee_27m_left_me_for_the_one_that_got/ | o4j2sr | 11,856 | 328 | [
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2021-06-21T02:45:25 | Happy update to how can a mom leave partner because he is emotionally abusing his nephew who he is the guardian of, but also get custody of the nephew to prevent his abuse | null | [deleted] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/o4l9bx/happy_update_to_how_can_a_mom_leave_partner/ | o4l9bx | 9 | 14 | [
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2021-06-21T08:48:34 | This one is heavy, OP goes from first time user to addict to an update 7 years later - "I did Heroin yesterday. I am not a drug user and have never done anything besides pot back when I was a teen, AMA." /r/IAmA | IAmA | *Trigger/content warning -* >!drug use, overdose, OP includes a link to images with drug paraphernalia.!<
***Original:*** [***I did Heroin yesterday. I am not a drug user and have never done anything besides pot back when I was a teen, AMA***](https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/9ke63/i_did_heroin_yesterday_i_am_not_a_drug_user_and/)***. Posted in*** /r/IAmA
(this is a little long) I have never been a drug user, I drink once in a while and smoked pot years ago back when I was a teen in highschool a few times and that's it. I'm 24 now, have a masters and a well paying full time job.
Yesterday I was walking throgh Washington Square Park where I pass every day and there are always people there looking to sell drugs (not in the park anymore due to cameras, but it is well known you can meet a dealer than and do the transaction elsewhere these days). They usually don't solicit drugs to you unless you stop to stand around near one of them for some reason or look like you're looking for something.
Yesterday I happened to stop by a row of benches to check some messages on my phone when a dealer on the bench to my right asks me if I need anything. My life has been pretty boring the last few years and I feel like I haven't really lived, taken any risks, or done anything crazy so I figured what the hell maybe I'll buy some pot, it's been a while.
I said yeah and after asking my several times if I'm a cop he gives me his number and tells me to meet him at a fast food place several blocks away and he will 'hook me up.' I say alright and nervously check to make sure I have cash and go meet this shady looking dude. We sit down and after hounding me asking if I'm a cop he asks what I need, I tell him I just want a dime bag and he says something like "Naw sorry man, I only sell half ounces, you can take that and I've got some coke and H."
At this point I didn't want to buy half an ounce of pot, I probably never smoked more than an eighth in my life but then I started considering his last word, Heroin. I've heard so much about it and how crazy addictive it is and seen it in the movies and TV (I'm thinking The Wire here, one of my favorite shows) and it really started to intrigue me. I've always wondered what it would be like to do Heroin. Out of no where I say I'll take the H and we do the deal there. I give him the cash under the table and he slides me a small order of fries with a little stamped wax baggie in it then he tells me to let him leave first.
I put it in my pocket then nervously race home my heart racing cannot believing what I just did. I held onto that bag in my pocket palms sweating the whole ride home. When I get home I open the bag and dump some golden flakes and powder on my glass coffee table. At this point I don't even know what to do, I know you can snort heroin but it looked all flaky so I try to remember how they did it in the movies but they always seem to inject it in film so I start googling "how to snort Heroin' like an idiot and do a little research on the stuff and how much to take.
I used a card to get it into a fine powder and move a small 'bump' to the side which I inhaled through a dollar bill. I didn't feel anything yet so I snorted a small line which was essentially half the bag (there was very little inside).
I waited and in a few minutes I had the most pleasurable feeling of pure relaxation and bliss wash over me. I just sat there and everything felt amazing. I nodded off and it was great, I had the TV on but wasn't paying attention, I must have sat around for 4 hours doing nothing but feel total pleasure. It was like a full body orgasm times 10 that kept going on and on.
When I would nod off it felt like I was in a pure conscious lucid dream like state, sometimes it felt like I was leaving my body. At this point I did the rest of it and stayed up all night and must have been high for 10 hours straight. i might have slept at one point, it's hard to tell the difference when you nod off and everything feels good regardless, just the feeling of being under a blanket was amazing.
I was blown away by the power of this drug and just how orgasmic it felt. I never understood why people did drugs before and got so hooked on them but now I see why. I have the urge to do it again but I will resist and not do it, at least not for a long time. I understand the addiction potential and how someone could easily tear apart their lives with this stuff.
Heroin is pure powdered pleasure, I actually feel proud of myself for having the balls to do something this crazy and I feel like it was a valuable life experience and my window into another world and part of society. I will never forget the day I did heroin. Now, ask me anything.
**New Edit: I have a lot of respect for most posters and drug addicts with experience here but this Redditor/addict is why people have the negative stereotypes they do about junkies:** [http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/9ke63/i\_did\_heroin\_yesterday\_i\_am\_not\_a\_drug\_user\_and/c0d6prn](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/9ke63/i_did_heroin_yesterday_i_am_not_a_drug_user_and/c0d6prn)
**Edit: Please no more comments telling me I'm going to be a homeless addict dying of an overdose now, don't lecture me with all of your misconceptions and lack of any real knowledge or experience about the drug. I understand if you know someone who has been hurt by it, we all do. Any drug can ruin lives, please ask me questions instead of trying to lecture me and do some research first before spewing lies.**
==========================================
**Update 2: I don't regret this at all and I see a lot of talk about how cocaine isn't as bad as heroin and people telling anyone considering trying a hard drug to do coke instead. I've known and seen a lot of heavy coke users, many who have become addicted and ODed and I find it disturbing that people think coke is acceptable because some 'higher class' circles find it socially acceptable. I'm thinking the young Wall Street and college crowds here who associate it with money and being cool and is easily manageable to use for recreation, while society tells them that Heroin is for the poor and destitute and leads to automatic addiction and suffering.**
**So I plan to try cocaine the next chance I get and compare the two in terms of effects and experience. Doing Heroin was memorable and life changing and I know I can handle anything once. I've done my research on coke and know the risks, so if anyone has any questions or opinions on that matter feel free to chime in. Whether it is to tell me I'm a fucking idiot or to give me advice, whatever. This is an experiment and an adventure in life, I'll report back once I try it.**
***Update #1:*** [***2 weeks ago I tried heroin 'once for fun' and made an AMA, I have been using since and shot up for the first time today, AMA***](https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/9ohdc/2_weeks_ago_i_tried_heroin_once_for_fun_and_made/)
Weds night update: fucking I;m still withdrawling throwing up and sweating out gallons of sweat. i really want to use and relapse right now, I know i shouldn't. these urges are so strong and overpowering. Please help me if you can before I get the chance to.
**1000 comment update:** **Fuck my life. I wish I was trolling and this was all some elaborate lie.** I was doing everything right, have been clean, and somehow a rumor got out that Ive been using and my girlfriend found out and she basically broke up with me last night but is now putting that decision on hold. I have some serious unrelated business/work I need to attend to in two hours and I don't know if I'll be in any state to be able to and be ready. I can't stop crying. Fuck heroin. Fuck my life. I guess I don't need to say that since heroin pretty much fucked my life for me in under two weeks, I just want to die.
**NA UPDATE** Went to NA, I shared my story and it seemed to hit a lot of people, I cried, I got a lot of support and numbers and feel like I'm in a good place and truly believe I never have to use again. I will be going back.
Update #whatever: I slept for about 30 hours, sweat out my entire body and now I feel ok. I also took a shit for the first time in like a week which was pretty awesome. I can stop this on my own, I don't even think I need NA but I'm not ruling it out, I have no craving or desire to do heroin. I'm sure some of you will be quick to say I need real support and maybe you're right, but right now I think I'll be ok.
New update: i appreciate all the genuine concern adn advice. I finished my stash (bad idea but too late), threw out my needles, and am too faded to respond to comments for now. When I sober up in a couple hours I'll check out some NA meetings.
**EDIT:** I nodded off after taking another hit at 4AM and couldn't be bothered to look at this anymore and just woke up sore with a headache. For those of you who think I'm a troll because I can do heroin and type well with good grammar, fuck off. It's not that hard if you type slowly and carefully without looking at the screen (the screen is a blur and too bright) and it's challenging but I would rather post coherently than like an idiot, I know it's hard to believe someone dumb enough to do heroin is 'intelligent' in other regards.
Comments disintegrated into mindless bandwagon accusations of being a troll, I wanted to engage in a discussion and know I need help and my mind isn't exactly right. I'll sift through the posts and respond to the genuine ones once I feel better.
[**For people calling fake is this enough proof for you?**](http://imgur.com/7KOrf.jpg) **Do you want to see my track marks too? They're not pretty and this is under 24 hours after first shooting up. I'm not proud of any of this and posted it here because I can't tell anyone in my life and don't want to keep it to myself. I figured doing another IAMA would give me the opportunity to talk about my issues anonymously and help realize the extent of my problem through feedback, the assholes saying this is all fake trolling can fuck themselves. People can post about being prostitutes and all sorts of things that harm a large number of other people but dismiss someone on the track to becoming an addict who needs help and just wants to talk and maybe help some other people form making the same mistakes.** I appreciate the people giving legitimate advice and asking questions. I'm going to the next NA meeting I can find....
================================================================================ I know there will be a lot of people telling me 'I told you so' and urging me to seek help, and they are right. That's all good and trust me I know the danger I am in of ruining my life but **let's please keep this an AMA first and foremost.**
I will be checking out an NA meeting this week and I know I am on a fast track to becoming an addict and I want to stop it before it gets out of control and I'm physically addicted. No one in my life can know about this and I want to stop before it is too late
I have been using for 2-3 day periods then taking a couple days off then using again. The breaks were in part to try not to get hooked and in part because I had an unreliable dealer who charged me more than double what I should be paying. I got ripped off several times when I tried to buy off the street (my former dealer is the guy who I first bought from).
Today I met a guy through some internet channels who said he could get bundles (10 small bags of heroin) for significantly less than half the price my old dealer gave me on his 'most fair' deal. He also happened to be an IV user and had a stash of sealed needles and supplies and offered to shoot me up.
I had kind of hoped I would find someone who would and he was a pro finding my small hidden veins and injecting a bag in one shot. To quote trainspotting "Take the best orgasm you've ever had, multiply by 1000, and you're still nowhere near it."
He gave me some new needles and tourniquets and when I got home I tried to do it myself. After not hitting a vein countless times I finally got a red flag and was good to go. I have injected 5 bags since 4pm, the last one a little less than an hour ago and am tempted to do one more. AMA. Forgive me for any delays if I nod off...
***Update #3, one year later:*** [***IAmA patient in a psychiatric hospital. I was also technically dead last week, AMA.***](https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/dw6u0/iama_patient_in_a_psychiatric_hospital_i_was_also/)
I am in one of the nation's finest hospitals and get internet access in 30 minute intervals before having to restart my browsing session which is kind of annoying, along with the pesky web filter (I will be very grateful if anyone can help me get around it, all proxies I have tried are blocked).
If you are reading this and know me you probably already know who I am, AMA.
Edit: I can't believe it has been over a year since I discovered heroin and did the AMAs on here after first trying it and several months later. Time flies when you're an addict.
***Update #4:*** [***IAmA heroin/opioid/multi-substance addict w/ bi-polar disorder headed to rehab tomorrow because I didn't listen to reddit. I ODed one week ago and am in a psych hospital, AMA.***](https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/dx7fa/iama_heroinopioidmultisubstance_addict_w_bipolar/)
New AMA. Tomorrow I leave this psychiatric unit to go to a substance abuse unit for a couple weeks before heading to a long term residential rehab program. I was technically dead from a fentanyl overdose last week and was revived with multiple shots of Narcan- if I was found ten minutes later I would have been dead for good according to EMS.
Reddit warned me I would become an addict when I did an AMA a little over a year ago after first trying heroin- needless to say I didn't listen and am paying the consequences. Whether or not it would have made a difference is questionable considering my personality (a staggering number of bi-polar people become addicts). This is my third extremely close encounter with death from drugs in the last year- I have done more than you probably know exist.
This is my third chance at life and I don't know if I will get any more, AMA.
EDIT: I get trasferred to the rehab unit in like an hour which is open door and has a lot of freedom and is even nicer than this unit, yay!
***Final update, 7 years after his first post:*** [***SpontaneousH 7 years later. Update for anyone who stumbles upon this account in the future***](https://www.reddit.com/r/OpiatesRecovery/comments/5mub0f/spontaneoush_7_years_later_update_for_anyone_who/)
I don't know if anyone here remembers me but you can look through my submissions history and get an idea. It's not pretty and will take you through a journey of my first time trying heroin to my life quickly falling apart. So take that as a warning it's graphic, I was totally out of my mind, and you may not want to read it depending on where you're at...
This is the first time I have logged into this account in a couple years and I had a bunch of PMs, and people occasionally mention this account in various places on reddit so I'll post a quick update here for anyone who stumbles upon this in the future.
I'm now almost six years clean from all drugs and alcohol and life is good.
It's too difficult for me to go back and even read most of what I originally wrote 7 years ago. Maybe one day I will be able to.
I don't even remember what I said in the first post but I know I can look back objectively and say that things probably weren't as good and 'normal' before I tried heroin that time as I made it seem in that first post. There were certainly warning signs before that with alcohol, weed, and other things that I had issues with substances although I probably couldn't admit it to myself at the time. I would have never tried it if things were truly going well for me. What followed in the later posts with where it took me was very real.
Thanks for everyone who has reached out over the years.
I hope everyone here is able to find recovery and get the help they need.
\---
*Some comments from OP on his last post, I'm so happy for him:*
[**SpontaneousH**](https://www.reddit.com/user/SpontaneousH/) [4 years ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/OpiatesRecovery/comments/5mub0f/spontaneoush_7_years_later_update_for_anyone_who/dc6iae6/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
Thanks man, to clarify I'm just under 6 years clean. A little over 7 years since I first posted about using on reddit.
And yeah sometimes I get a little down and out of it in recovery, but any problems I have now are nothing in comparison to the clusterfuck that was my life using.
[**SpontaneousH**](https://www.reddit.com/user/SpontaneousH/) [4 years ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/OpiatesRecovery/comments/5mub0f/spontaneoush_7_years_later_update_for_anyone_who/dc8ardf/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
Sorry man, really.
Yeah it's crazy that was 7 years ago. I hope you can find the help you need.
Rehab and 12 step saved my life. I got lucky I was desperate and got dumped into a rehab that exposed me to meetings and from there that I got a sponsor and worked the steps. Changed my life and broke the cycle of not being able to stay stopped.
[**SpontaneousH**](https://www.reddit.com/user/SpontaneousH/) [4 years ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/OpiatesRecovery/comments/5mub0f/spontaneoush_7_years_later_update_for_anyone_who/dc6ij8e/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
Thanks for the kind words.
My life is pretty good today all things considered. I'm still maybe not where I would like to be but looking back I could have just as easily been dead, and I see people dying from addiction around here every day.
I'm very thankful I'm not using now with all the bad drugs and craziness going on.
[**SpontaneousH**](https://www.reddit.com/user/SpontaneousH/) [4 years ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/OpiatesRecovery/comments/5mub0f/spontaneoush_7_years_later_update_for_anyone_who/dc8abyk/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
Hey. I've rebuilt all the relationships with my family and all the friends who mattered at least. I think I mentioned an ex girlfirend I put through hell way back then and she wanted nothing to do with me. Tried making an amends a year or so later and she told me I could make it right by never contacting her again. So I didn't which is all for the best and she is married now.
I'm employed now, I've been at the same company almost as long as I've been sober. | almostselfrealised | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/o4qs5x/this_one_is_heavy_op_goes_from_first_time_user_to/ | o4qs5x | 18,629 | 362 | [
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2021-06-21T19:26:01 | An overworked employee rolls in at 9:30 the morning after working until late into the night--and gets lectured about the office's prompt start time. Understandably, this does not go over well. [AskAManager] | EXTERNAL: AskAManager | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.askamanager.org/2019/08/my-boss-lectured-me-about-arriving-on-time-when-im-working-a-ton-of-hours.html) appeared on the AskAManager blog, not Reddit.*
I need help to decide if what has happened at work is going to be my hill to die on (or resign on).
I started on at a new company about eight months ago. I originally was excited, as it was a bump in title and responsibilities and would put me more on the path to future career goals. My position has turned out to be different than what I was told it would be, which I’m not happy about, but I’ve talked to my boss and he’s agreed that this is short-term and will change.
Recently we’ve had a ton of projects hit at the same time, and it turns out the short-term expertise I’ve gained is crucial to all of them, so I’ve been working 50-60 hour weeks for over two months now with no end in sight. Again, I’m not very happy but my start time was flexible enough that I was able to come in later (around 9:30) and leave later (7-9 pm).
Today we got an email today from my boss, which infuriated me to the point that I left work early in order to avoid going to his office and shouting at him. It stated that although our group was typically casual about work schedules, it was important to remember our corporate hours are from 8 am to 5 pm. He said that we are professionals who don’t need to clock in and out, but also that we are a team that “practices and performs together” and “when one of us is absent, it affects the team.” The email then asked us to arrive on time and to “be considerate to the rest of our team in planning your daily commute.” I’m at a loss for what to say or how to react.
On one hand, I can see arriving earlier, as those are supposed to be our hours. On the other hand, if I’m working until 9 at night, then going home to eat and sleep before coming in all over again – what difference does an hour make in the morning? All this email has made me consider is leaving at 5 pm as it’s corporate policy and who am I to argue with that? (I realize this is childish.)
[**UPDATE** from two years later] (https://www.askamanager.org/2020/12/updates-the-unreasonable-hiring-process-the-blown-interview-and-more.html) *(link is external to Reddit)*
I wrote in about 2 years ago when my boss sent an email to our group about core hours when I was already working overtime. Soon after, other issues surfaced. I was put on tasks that I strongly disliked and would have redirected my career had I stayed. I got ignored when I asked to be moved to different tasks, so I focused on getting my professional certificate and then job searching for my “dream” role. (Side note: if you have an employee who continually pushes to do something else and you blow off their concerns/complaints, don’t be surprised if they just… stop pushing back and decide to leave instead).
After a surprisingly short amount of time, I did find that role! It’s something I’ve talked about doing since high school, and is as close to my “dream” role as reality will allow. I applied, interviewed, and accepted within a month. Then the pandemic happened and my start date got pushed back several months. After months of knowing I was leaving but unable to resign, I was finally able to put in notice. I packed up and moved to Japan, and have loved my time here so far. I don’t regret taking the other role as that allowed me to gain experience in a different field. This new job definitely has its quirks, but overall it fits in much better with what I want to do and has allowed me to work overseas. Thank you for giving me the knowledge on how to advocate for myself in the office, and the confidence to know when to leave!
Another thank you (indirectly) from a friend. We had been talking at a party and got on the subject of job applications and requirements. I, armed with knowledge from your website, went off on a mini-rant (as one does) about how women are much less likely to apply to jobs than men when they don’t meet all the requirements, are less likely to push for more money in salary negotiations, and how that’s bs. Apparently after that conversation, she decided to apply for more “reach” jobs and got one! She started in May making over 50% more than what she had been previously, and is now in a position to be promoted next year. It made me so happy to know that because of one conversation based on reading your website for years, she was inspired to make a change herself. I hope you feel as good as I did when she told me!
[**FINAL UPDATE** (with some closure)] (https://www.askamanager.org/2021/06/updates-my-boss-wants-me-to-help-him-jump-the-line-for-the-covid-vaccine-and-more.html) *(link is external to Reddit)*
You answered my letter about my boss 2 years ago – wow how time flies! I have one last update after catching up with one of my old project managers.
After re-reading my initial email and update, I should offer some background information:
1) My start time had been 9 am (agreed upon by the boss), so from my point of view I was coming in 30 minutes late. I had been working without breaks (I ordered in or brought lunch and dinner) until bare minimum 7:30 pm, but more often the 9:30 pm time for about 2 months with no end in sight. The night before this email I had been there until 11 pm, which only added fuel to the fire.
2) Members in my group really did have flexible start times. Some came in at 7 am, most came in 8-9 am, and one project manager came in at 11 am!
3) The projects I had been working on were for three different project managers in our group. Management was notorious for having poor communication about workloads, so each of them had a vague idea that I was busy but had no clue what my actual workload looked like.
4) I received comp time for the overtime I was working, but I couldn’t take it with all the work I had.
On to the last update on this! I recently was talking with one of my old project managers (Elizabeth) who I remained friends with and the infamous email came up. It turns out my suspicions were correct! The email was about me. The morning that this all happened, one of the PMs (Jane) wanted to call an impromptu project meeting at 8 am but I wasn’t in yet. She went to my boss (Collins) and asked why I wasn’t there. Instead of him answering that I typically came in at 9 am or that I had been working late, he decided to write the email instead. I also remembered that when I did come in, he greeted me with a fake joking “Nice of you to show up!” to which I had responded something about needing enough sleep with all the work I had been doing.
I caught up with Jane as soon as I got in but she didn’t say anything about this missed meeting, so I had no clue that was the reason behind the email. Once the email was sent out, I went to Elizabeth to ask if it had been about me and to essentially rant about the lack of communication between the project managers. Elizabeth went to Jane and Collins about the email where they confirmed the reason behind it, and she explained that I was working 10-12 hour days without breaks to finish all the work that only I could do with tight deadlines. She also was very clear that I was pissed about the email. Neither Collins nor Elizabeth ever mentioned this to me, nor did they apologize after learning all the facts.
I had tried to talk to Collins about it once, but he brushed it off and said something about just needing to reiterate corporate policy. Which, after my recent conversation with Elizabeth, is nonsense and indicative of his aversion to confrontation or admitting he’s wrong in general.
This email was the catalyst that pushed me to get my license and allowed me to get to my “dream” job a lot sooner than I had ever expected. In the end it worked out for the best, but it’s nice to have closure! | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/o538e6/an_overworked_employee_rolls_in_at_930_the/ | o538e6 | 7,849 | 601 | [
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2021-06-21T21:15:33 | Childfree couple ends up with two adopted children and one on the way. Husband lied about getting a vasectomy and wants nothing to do with the children. | Relationship_Advice | [Originally posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/o1vsvh/husband_33m_and_i_26f_were_childfree_then_took_in/) in r/relationship_advice by u/throwRA09876tyui
**Husband (33m) and I (26f) were child-free, then took in his sister's kids, now I'm pregnant and terrified**
I was always on the fence about kids until I met my husband, 6 years ago. He made clear he does not want kids at all, and I agreed to be with him without having kids.
A few years ago, his sister was deemed unfit to parent. She was a single mother to a pre teen girl and a young boy, and their case worker asked how we would feel about taking them in. I said that I was in favour, as growing up my life was nearly identical (parents deemed unfit and taken in by my aunt which was the best thing for me), but let my husband make the final choice as they're his family and he's the one who was resolute on being childfree. He said that we could take them, but told me that I would need to do the 'kid stuff', meaning everything from discipline to doctor visits. I agreed.
Right from the time they moved in he began distancing himself. He'd stay late at work or shut himself in the office all day, and barely interact with his niece and nephew, while I, as promised, handled all the 'kid stuff'. However, him distancing himself upset them, and when I would bring this up to him, he would only ever respond that he was child-free, and I knew what I signed up for. The full legal adoption was completed last year, and the kids have been in therapy since we took them in.
4 months ago, I found out I was pregnant. My husband said that we could keep the baby and he would be involved, but once I was past the abortion deadline said that the same rules apply to this child as to his niece and nephew, and he claimed otherwise before this as he didn't want me to abort.
I don't want this. It's not like I intentionally got pregnant, it was an accident, and I was fine being child-free if it meant I got to be with him, but life clearly had other plans, and I love all 3 of these kids. I can see how much it hurts the older kids for their uncle/legal father to completely ignore them, and I don't want that for the baby, but I feel completely trapped and I don't see a way out.
I don't expect to change my husband's mind on kids, but is there anything I can do to improve this situation for anyone involved?
*In the comments, OP revealed that her husband had told her he'd gotten a vasectomy, but had actually chickened out and didn't tell her. That is how she got pregnant.*
> He did get a vasectomy. He set a date to have one, and I went off the pill because he was getting the snip, and then he didn't tell me that he chickened out on the first operation until after we'd had unprotected sex. He got the snip on the second appointment he set for it but by then the damage was done.
[**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/o554ne/update_for_husband_33m_and_i_26f_were_childfree/) **for "Husband (33m) and I (26f) were child-free, then took in his sister's kids, now I'm pregnant and terrified"**
As I stated in my first post, my family situation is complicated and the family members I feel that I could turn to in a crisis form a very short list. I tried contacting my husband's parents and asking them for help, as while we had our issues, I figured that helping their grandchildren would take priority. Not only would they not help, but they informed my husband that I was planning to leave him.
This caused a fight the day after my first post in which my husband and I both said some things, and it doesn't look like we're going to come back from it. I'm still working through my feelings on that.
After the fight I reached out to my aunt, and she told me to contact my grandparents, who live nearby. I was hesitant as I have no real relationship with them and struggle to consider them family, so I was hardly expecting a warm welcome, but that is what I got. It was awkward, as I've only met them a few times in my entire life, but they seemed happy to see me. They were a little shocked that I had a pre-teen and young child with me but seem equally happy to have adopted great grandkids as they are at the baby on the way. The kids and I are looking into other living arrangements, but we're safe for now.
Thank you for the responses to my first post. It wasn't easy to read, but I had to hear it. I wasn't even going to update, but some of you were just so nice about it that I felt like I had to.
TLDR Left husband, took the kids, and I now have a relationship with my grandparents. | mermaidpaint | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/o55rq8/childfree_couple_ends_up_with_two_adopted/ | o55rq8 | 4,620 | 658 | [
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2021-06-22T05:10:32 | Entitled bride escalates to holding OP's cat hostage - police are involved | r/weddingplanning | I found this one delightfully ridiculous and I hope OP has a happier life without these people in it.
Original Post: [https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingplanning/comments/nmftnw/engagement\_party\_planning\_exposes\_bridezillacan/](https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingplanning/comments/nmftnw/engagement_party_planning_exposes_bridezillacan/)
Copied Text:
I posted about this yesterday to get advice and deleted the og post but want to share how crazy some people can be regarding wedding planning and how it can really bring out the ugly in people.
My sister got engaged in February and told me that night she wanted me to be her MOH. I was super excited for her and suggested having an engagement party to celebrate her fiancé and her. My intention was to throw her an intimate party with close friends and family, and To have a casual party such as bbq at a park somewhere or maybe a dinner at a restaurant. Something simple!
As soon as there was mention of having an engagement party my sister was so excited! She started telling me exactly what she wanted - where to have it, the theme that she wants, the type of food she wants, dessert, a list of 60 guests.
I felt this was getting out of hand- but ultimately I wanted her to just be happy. I don’t have experience with wedding planning or MOH duties so I thought this was typical and did my best to accommodate her multiple requests.
As the engagement party is approaching one month away, I texted her to confirm the details that she wanted such as the exact date and time (she kept changing it) and exact number of people (was originally 20 then 40 now 60).
She responded saying that she should not be the one planning this. She told me outright to “plan this myself” and that she does not want to plan these things for herself as it’s her own engagement.
I was confused and insulted by her response. I had no intention of her doing any planning but she took initiate from the beginning to take part in planning! I was under the impression we were planning it together.
I spent over 100 dollars in decorations alone, and have already coordinated with the bridesmaids to have special dessert and party activities. So to be told I need to “plan this” was a slap in the face.
I was advised on this forum yesterday to talk to her about my feelings so I did.
I was non confrontational and did my best to not offend, but I did tell her that I felt the party was becoming excessive and that I feel I cannot plan a large party of 60 people without any help or communication from her.
She told me she was hurt (???) and then proceeds to tell me she can no longer cat sit for me.....I’m a travel nurse and she’s been watching my cat while I’m away.
She texts me saying that she can no longer watch my cat which I felt was petty as she’s just upset that the party is getting out of hand and I finally said something about it to her.
I told her that was fine and I could pick up my cat today when I’m off work and that I hope there is no hard feelings...
Well she responds bat shit crazy....she cussed me out and threatened to let my cat out while I’m still at work (he’s indoor only). She said I cannot come back to pick up the cat because I am no longer welcome in her home. She said if I come by at all she will hurt me. She THEATENED me. I called her a bridezilla then contacted the police.
I will be having a sherrif accompany me tonight to pick up my cat safely as I now fear for his own safety.
I don’t even care about the engagement party anymore but as a nurse she is now a danger to others and I fear the safety of myself and my animal.
I cannot believe how this escalated so quickly.
Please - do not let a future bride attack you when you approach them about planning.
So sad to see an engagement party ruin a family!
UPDATE: police came and they were cat people! Blessing in disguise. It was so silly to explain the situation but they agreed she is unstable and very petty. They explained that while dogs are property, cats are not!! Unbelievable. But they said they would do their best to get my cat. Sure enough it was a success. Sisters fiancé answered and gave up my cat as well as his belongings. My sister came outside and j told the police I do NOT feel safe around her and they kept her away from me (no restraining order) and I was able to get my things and leave. SO crazy and I thank everyone for your support it has been an emotional day to say the least and I am so grateful that my cat was not harmed despite her threats to let him loose.
&#x200B;
Some other comments from OP
" I really don’t know. Her fiancé’s mother has voiced her thoughts before and has openly said that it sounds like he is marrying someone with a temper.. hmmm you don’t say! A year ago she was arrested for spitting on a cop at someone’s bachelorette party! Then cried racism when she was charged with assault. Fiancé should have backed out then and I should I have re-evaluated my relationship with her then as well. Ugh. "
"No I mean she has access to weapons and combined with her mental illness she could snap and lose it. Or yea she could also snap when stopped by a police officer and act crazy and get shot as well"
" Yes it is horrible behavior and disgusting. I tried reaching out to fiancé and no response. I blocked him after I got my cat back. Wish him the best but nahhh fuck him too"
" Yeah I have never liked him to be honest and get super bad vibes from him. He hardly works, plays video games 24/7, doesn’t cook or clean. Their place is always a mess. Unfortunately they are a good match for eachother. Maybe they will be on the news one day like another person said. " | honeylemon00 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/o5f1af/entitled_bride_escalates_to_holding_ops_cat/ | o5f1af | 5,660 | 321 | [
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2021-06-22T14:08:22 | OP's Mormon mother kicks them out for coming out as a non-binary lesbian, and then is furious with OP for providing a factual account of said eviction to other people in the community. | AITA | [*This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lppb0n/aita_for_telling_people_my_family_kicked_me_out/) is by /u/bizzy_bees.*
Hi. I (21nb) am an nb lesbian. I grew up in the Mormon church/cult.
I decided to come out to my parents a few weeks ago because I thought they might just take it well - my little brother and sister are allies in their schools lgbt club and my parents themselves have been trying to be more "PC."
They did not take it well (I also said that I was leaving the Mormon church), and told me that even though they love me, they couldn't handle having someone "living in sin" living "under their roof", nor someone who's so "anti Mormon" (I am an antimormon, but I legit just said I'm leaving the church. I've been inactive for years so idk why they didnt see it coming.)
So I said great! Fine. In the past week or so I've gotten an apartment and a job in a city a few hours away and put in my notice at work.
Here's where the problem comes in.
I turned in my notice at work for only a week (I'm moving out on Sunday and need a few days to pack). Me and my boss are good friends; she asked why I was moving so suddenly (I had written in my notice that I was moving out of town and that's why I had to quit). I told her the truth, that my parents said that I couldn't live in their house and be gay anymore.
Well, gossip spreads through my work like wildfire. The other day my mom had to pick me up from work because of the bad roads and she came in and was rather taken aback at the way the other employees glared at her. She confronted me about it in the car and it turned into a giant fight where I finally explained tearfully that they'd all heard about how she was kicking me out for being gay and I was sorry they treated her so terribly.
She blew up and said that they weren't kicking me out for being gay or leaving the church, they just didn't want me talking about it around my little siblings because they didn't want me to lead them down the same path as me. They just didn't want me to have friends or a significant other of a "bad influence," or to access sites of a bad influence online (aka gay sites) and that they couldn't believe I was moving out just because they were setting boundaries.
Here's why I may be the asshole. My parents have graciously let me live with them rent free during the pandemic and pay for groceries, too. I've been able to save up to move out because I've been living with them. I can't help but feel guilty because they really have done a lot for me and maybe I shouldn't have told my work why I was moving so suddenly.
So reddit, AITA?
EDIT: I use they/he pronouns! Thank you!
EDIT TWO: sorry, I have anxiety and am a bit overwhelmed replying to everyone, but please know I read them and see them and I'm so so grateful for everything people are saying. Sometimes it's hard to see the manipulation from the inside. Thank you
EDIT THREE because I just got out of therapy and I've gained some new internal clarity to this situation bc of comments and what my therapist said. I'm going to just paste what I responded to someone questioning why my mom is still driving me and picking me up from work/why they're giving me time to pack if they're kicking me out:
"You've clearly never been a victim of Mormon niceties then. Mormons are all about keeping up appearances. If they'd kicked me out on the street the night of, absolutely their reputations would've come into question. Half the reason why I've been so conflicted and wondering if I'm in the wrong is because they're not explicitly pushing me out of the house. They're still saying that it's my choice to move out, and they'd love to have me stay... So long as I stop being gay. I'm sorry that that experience happened to you, but it in no way resembles what I'm going through."
Mormons are cultists. They're all about keeping up appearances. My whole life in the church has been keeping up an appearance of a perfect family, and my parents still want to maintain that allusion. Hence telling me I can stay as long as I hide being gay. Anything for the perfect eternal family, right?
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o5kviv/update_aita_for_telling_people_i_got_kicked_out/)
So update! Im now in my second apartment after moving out, have a full-time job in an area I love, and I own three cats now. I'm doing pretty good for myself and keep a tight budget.
I want to say thank you to everyone who reached out and assured me that what my parents did is fucked up. I have an amazing therapist now and have begun to unlearn a lot of the stuff that I was taught as a Mormon. Thank you especially to all the fellow exmormons who reached out.
About a month ago, my mom reached out. She apologized sincerely and told me I was welcome to come back home and that she had joined a bunch of Facebook groups and is working on it, it being not being a bigot lol. I told her that I'm not coming home and I need time.
I don't think that we will stay no contact forever, but for now that's where I'm at. I appreciated her apology, and it seems as though she's really trying. Still feel like shit that I basically got kicked out, but, you know. She's trying, and I think ill eventually get there with the help of therapy.
So a happy update! Life is good. Mom has apologized. I suggested she go to therapy that isn't just talking with her bishop.
Thank you to everyone. I was a wreck when I left home but now I've never been happier.
To fellow people stuck in cults: it gets better. There's resources to help you get out. You will be okay 💕
EDIT: [cat tax](https://www.reddit.com/r/cats/comments/nxqcbt/this_is_moxy_within_days_moxy_has_figured_out_how/) the other two love to hide but I'm trying to get pictures lol | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/o5o052/ops_mormon_mother_kicks_them_out_for_coming_out/ | o5o052 | 5,815 | 507 | [
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2021-06-23T00:32:09 | That time the infamous "reddit hug" was a force for good... | r/AskReddit | In case any of you missed the awesomeness that happened earlier last night/today. I've tried to sort the comments into a vague chronological order so you can see the progression. My notes are in curly brackets {}.
Original thread on askreddit:
https://old.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/o56n1t/what_is_something_youve_done_purely_out_of_the/
{Thread title: What is something you’ve done purely out of the goodness of your heart, but have never told anyone?}
**********************************************************************************************************
The comment chain that started it all:
Original commenter:
I went to the web site: onesimplewish.org which specializes in providing foster kids with things they wouldn't ordinarily get. An 11 year old was asking for a bike for his birthday, but his foster family couldn't afford to buy him one. For less than $200 I paid for the kid's new bike.
UPDATE June 22 1:45pm EDT: As of now there are just a few wishes on the web site that have not been fulfilled by you wonderful people of Reddit (there were more than 200 wishes as of last evening). You can still make a monetary donation to OSW or, bookmark the site and check in at a future date when new wishes are posted. Thank you all!
Edit: Thank you all for your kind words and, for those of you with the financial means, for your donations. I've seen documentaries about the foster care system and it's a struggle for so many of these kids who lack not only monetary resources, but the stability that comes with having a family to provide support and guidance...and that continues even after they "age out" the system and are expected to just know how to live as an adult.
**********************************************************************************************************
A bonus selection of replies from the founder of the charity (there were many, many replies):
--OMG!!! I’m the Founder of OSW. Last night I lost a dear friend to ALS & got the news after I had already had an awful day. I struggle with depression and it was bad…I cried myself to sleep, literally. Then I woke up to this and it’s like Sara’s spirit manifested into this amazing rush of love from all of you and I can’t even contain my happy tears and gratitude for you all. Our team is up and working hard on the site too! Thank you for this. I don’t know that I can put into words what you’ve done.
--Also - you all had no idea but this was my birthday wish. Posted two weeks ago my birthday wish { https://www.onesimplewish.org/giving/dg43 }
--Thank you for being a foster parent and for sharing this here. I also was a foster parent - it is what made me start One Simple Wish. I know how much these wishes mean to our kids; they represent love and someone finally seeing and hearing THEM and what they want and need. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!
--We literally cannot do it without people like you. This is AMAZING!!!
--{This was posted after the site crashed} We are working so hard to keep the servers up and the site working! Please keep granting. We would love to clear the site!!!
--We can't wait to see the site get to zero! Thank you so much for granting a wish!!!
--{This is a reply to another redditor asking about wishes for older foster kids} Hi! No one ever ages out. We are here if you need us. Anytime. Any age. Sending you a big giant mama hug! And if you need us, please go to our site to submit a wish.
--Hi all - I'm OSW's Founder & ED. YOU ALL ROCK!!! I know the site is still slow and sometimes crashing and we are working SO hard to fix this. In the meantime, if you donate to my birthday wish, we will pool that money together to grant the bigger wishes that we have. Funny enough - my wish was to clear the site by the end of June! {https://www.onesimplewish.org/giving/dg43}
--It's up! Please refresh! This is so amazing. We are loving this!!! Our team is just going nuts. {Worth noting, the site was only down for about an hour. The team had some skillz.}
--There are only 76 wishes left!!! We are pooling together general donations to grant the bigger wishes now. Just $12,236 away from clearing the site!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We can't believe this. We really are just blown away and smiling so big right now.
--Ok I may totally regret sharing this first-thing-in-the-morning ugly cry post with you all but I have to. I love you all. Crazy Happy Grateful { https://www.facebook.com/787948507/videos/10161542667973508/ }
--Down to 68 wishes!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Go grant more!!! YAY!
http://www.onesimplewish.org
--Crashed again! We are on it. Please don't give up on us. We are a small but mighty team and we'll fix this. We are relaunching in the fall with lots of updates so this (hopefully) won't happen again.
--How do I do an AMA lol. I am so new to this.
--Yes!!! I wanted to say thank you here and get involved in this crazy amazing community of lovers and givers!
--Did I do it right? https://www.reddit.com/r/AMA/comments/o5qa5i/im_the_founder_of_one_simple_wish_a_charity_to/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
--It was CRAZY. We couldn’t figure it out because this has only happened before from national media like CNN years ago. Here’s me when I figured it out Excuse the ugly crying when I found the Reddit post
--Thank YOU for supporting us. We love that we get to tell you all about these amazing humans, as they want to be seen.
--You all have donated over $25,000!!! I’ll get a wish count from the team but I believe it’s well over 200 wishes {This was five hours after the original comment chain started}
--❤️❤️❤️ Blown away by this love
--Thank you so much. Yesterday was so so so hard. I was a total wreck. To wake up to this overwhelming wave of love was just amazing and unreal - like Sara was telling me she was at peace and to remember the love, always
--We have wishes posted every single day! Please visit us anytime!
--Omg!!! You guys - I think we are officially out of wishes!!!!!
--YES!!!!!!!!!!!! Over $34,000 in donations in about 14 hours
--Totally clear and it’s AMAZING!!! More wishes will likely come in before the day is over though We grant thousands a year
--I could use all the hugs!!! This reddit hug was pretty bad ass!
--Thank you so so so much!!!! Our team is putting up new wishes as soon as they come in and get approved!
--We're on it. As soon as they are being submitted our team is reviewing and posting!!! But we can't keep up with you guys!
--Hi! I'm OSW's Founder and I love you Reddit people!!!! I joined today just to say thank you because OMG you granted every single wish and then we put up more and you granted those too and then we put up more and...you're still going. This is the best hug EVER!!!!!
--BEST HUG EVER
Thank you all
We got more wishes coming
--{After the site crashed another time} We're back!!! Go check us out! onesimplewish.org
--Best problem ever. We love you all.
--You all are AMAZING. My hubs has been telling me to tell Reddit about OSW for years and now he's all..."See!!!" Wow.
--This whole day has been magic Wishes being granted faster than we can post them!!!
--Yes, thank you. This reddit hug like saved me today. I was crying all day even before I heard about Sara. I struggle with depression. And then I got that news and it was like you said, my emotions were just too big. I burst into harder tears. Then I woke up today, swollen eyes and sore throat and saw all the wishes and then found the Reddit comment and I just can't explain the relief, the joy, the gratitude for life
--It is just so amazing. I am not a very religious person but it was like the universe was saying "hang on"...and all day, I've just been in awe of the kindness
--YAY! Imagine this goes on for days!!!?????
**********************************************************************************************************
Twitter user notifies the charity about the website crashing due to too many visitors:
https://twitter.com/_wsage/status/1407266691445256196
The charity founder's AMA:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AMA/comments/o5qa5i/im_the_founder_of_one_simple_wish_a_charity_to/
**********************************************************************************************************
A selection of replies from the original comment thread:
--What an awesome website!! Thanks for sharing! I just bought a laptop for Michael who will be starting college classes.
--I bought a laptop for Jay who wants to be a game developer. I hope we can get the wishes down to 0! It feels amazing to know you just made someone's day.
--ordered some laundry baskets and room organisation for a young girl in Charlotte who just got her first job and is having trouble organising her things, all the way from my lounge room in Australia,
--It’s like a reverse Scott’s Tots hahahs
--Waiting for it to come back up so I can give too. :)
--Oh my god this is fucking beautiful. I'm crying at work for like the 5th time because of this website. Thank you so much.
--THIS IS THE REDDIT MAGIC I FUCKING LOVE!!!!!
--As a former foster kid who never received a real gift... thank you.
--Foster parent here and never heard of this. But I’m so glad it exists. People think “oh they get paid” but even in a state like CA where it’s a higher stipend it’s nowhere enough to really cover everything. This takes the load off so many caregivers
Also if you ever have old suitcases don’t just take to goodwill donate them to your county FC Dept or foster care agency. When kids get removed from their home or disrupted (any time they have to leave a home/placemrnt) they usually don’t have luggage. Their stuff is often in plastic grocery or garbage bags. You might think they are too young to notice but that does a lot to a kid already facing the hardest moment in their lives. A little dignity goes a long way toward self confidence
--Just sent some art supplies to a 4 yr old...so much more fun than online shopping for stuff i dont need. Thanks for sharing!
--This persons comment is about to change lives
--Some dedicated volunteer is going to wake up on Tuesday morning and wonder what the hell happened last night. Pretty much all the wishes under $50 have been granted.
--I just gave them a call on the phone. They know their site is down and are working on it. The lady on the phone sounded like she was near tears with happiness. She said they are down to 60 wishes!! Well done guys
--I created a subreddit based off this to draw more attention: https://us.reddit.com/r/GrantAWish/
if anyone knows other sites that do something similar I can add it to the description. I see 153 wishes at $21,874; can we get this to 0?
--Hey everyone - there is another site I found that grants birthday wishes to foster kids. You can choose to fulfill a specific wish just like that site.
https://abirthdaywish.org
One simple wish just crashed for awhile though. There are still >100 wishes left.
--This one does birthday parties for homeless kids. You can buy specific gifts off their Amazon list, or you can make a general donation towards the parties. https://birthdaywishes.org
--You awesome person, now I know where to give my free award. Can we pin this so everyone can see? I have no idea how to Reddit.
********************************************************************************************************** | StoryDreamer | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/o61e5k/that_time_the_infamous_reddit_hug_was_a_force_for/ | o61e5k | 11,508 | 727 | [
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2021-06-23T02:05:28 | Sometime I think humanity isn't so bad - "(CO) My autistic brother was banned from the local hobby shop. Is this legal?" /r/legaladvice | LegalAdvice | **Original:** [**(CO) My autistic brother was banned from the local hobby shop. Is this legal?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9l2z39/co_my_autistic_brother_was_banned_from_the_local/) **Posted in** /r/legaladvice
So my brother suffers from high functioning autism so he has a hard time socializing. One place he loves to go to is a local hobby shop. Me and my brother are regulars there and have spent thousands of dollars over the years. This last week however my brother was banned from the shop. A girl who also goes there claims my brother tried to kiss her and when she refused he groped her. I tried to talk with the owner and he knows my brother is autistic but he refuses to unban him. He said that he cant allow him in because he's a threat to his female customers. I think this is crap, I talked to my brother about this and he understands he did a wrong thing but he cant understand why he was banned so he's been very depressed this past week and wants to go back to the store.
Is there anything I can do? Is this discrimination because he banned my brother due to his autisim? My parents are planning on getting a lawyer and suing the owner, will this fix the issue?
edit: My lunch is over and I need to go to class. Thanks for helping me see i was wrong. I'm gonna talk to my parents and stop them from suing. I'm gonna go to the owner after school and apologize for bothering them and how i acted because of this.
\---
*Some relevant comments:*
**BananaFrappe** 2 years ago
>A girl who also goes there claims my brother tried to kiss her and when she refused he groped her.
If your brother was banned due to the above, the store owner did not do anything illegal.
It is not illegal for the owner ban someone from a legally protected class. It is only illegal for him to ban someone ***because*** of membership in a legally protected class. Based on your post, it does not sound like this was the case.
**\[deleted\]** 2 years ago
He didn't ban your brother due to his autism; he banned your brother because he assaulted a customer. That's perfectly legal. I realize that it's hard on your brother, but it's pretty hard on somebody to be assaulted when they're shopping, too.
\---
*OP's comments:*
**Stealpenut22** \-1471 points· 2 years ago
What he did was wrong, i'm not going to deny that or try to say he didn't do it. But I dont think he's a threat. This is the first time he has done somthing like this and we have been regulars for years so i have no idea why he thinks he's a threat
**Stealpenut22** \-1267 points· 2 years ago
I understand their fears. But we have gone to this shop for years and nothing like this has ever happened before. He only banned him because he thinks he's going to do it again because hes autistic
**Stealpenut22** \-677 points· 2 years ago
Yeah I see that. I just feel bad for him because he dosent understand the situation. I don't think he's a threat but I get why they do. I'll just talk with them about it and tell them my view and if they still keep the ban then its ok.
**Stealpenut22** 2.7k points· 2 years ago
Yeah you're right. Him getting banned is better than going to jail. I'll try and talk to my parents I guess. Maybe I'll just look into finding another shop or just go in on my own to buy the stuff he wants.
**Stealpenut22** 516 points· 2 years ago
You're right, I was lying to myself when I made this thread. I just hate to think that people see him as a creep or a threat but i know him different that others. I'm not gonna try to get him unbanned anymore
\---
**Update:** [**(update) My autistic brother was banned from the local hobby shop.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9le5rc/update_my_autistic_brother_was_banned_from_the/)
So I want to start out by saying that I was wrong and I want to apologize to anyone I may have hurt with my last question. It was wrong of me to defend my brothers actions and I wish I could have seen that at the time but thats the past.
I went to my parents and talked to them and they have begun to see that they were wrong too. Me and my dad went last night and apologized to the shop owner for our actions and how we treated him and the victim of my brother and that we agree with his ban. The owner was genuinely happy with us for this so i'm glad we did that. The girl who who my brother touched was also at the store and despite what many of you said I felt that I needed to apologize to her too because she deserved it after my actions and she thanked me for it. My parents are now looking into different options to deal with my brother including therapy and other programs.
I really want to end this by saying thank you for helping me learn I was wrong. Like I said I'm sorry if i hurt anyone with my post, I didn't mean to do that but it was wrong of me too. This has been a learning experience for me and I hope that I can become a better person because of it. | almostselfrealised | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/o6350l/sometime_i_think_humanity_isnt_so_bad_co_my/ | o6350l | 4,937 | 351 | [
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2021-06-23T02:28:05 | OP & SIL in same profession. SIL does a racism. Nuclear Flame War ensues. | AITA | Original here: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o5pzzy/aita_for_calling_my_sil_a_racist_after_she/
Hold on to your butts. It is a ride!
AITA for calling my SIL a racist after she compared my cooking to "making kung pao chicken"?
TL;DR at bottom
For context: I've been married to my wife for ~10 years and we're a mixed-race couple (I'm Asian and she's Caucasian). I've gotten along with her family (MIL, BIL, SIL), but I always felt like her FIL and other SIL (Sarah) never liked me.
I'm a professionally trained chef with 15+ years of experience and I work at a high-end Chinese restaurant (a spin-off of a popular one in Beijing) in a large US city. My crew and I have won several awards, and I've been explicitly told I'll be the next executive chef. Sarah is also a professionally trained chef and works at a popular upscale French restaurant in the city. She constantly brags about it and (no joke) compares herself out loud to Ramsay and Bourdain.
Whenever I'm at my MIL and FIL's house and helping out in the kitchen, Sarah is always criticizing everything I do. Whether it's chopping, braising, marinating, etc., she always butts in with comments like "Umm, I think you should actually do X like this...". I've been patient for my wife and side stepping those comments, saying things like "Thanks, but I think I'll stick to the way I do it."
Things came to a head two weeks ago when my wife, FIL, MIL, and I were in her parent's kitchen prepping dinner for my MIL's birthday. We were running a bit behind so things were heated (which I kind of like because it reminded me of work) and that's when Sarah walked in. She took one look at what I was doing, scoffed, and said something like "Oh wow, okay, so that's not the right way of doing things".
It hit a nerve and I pretty sternly told her to stop criticizing my cooking and that I'm also a chef like her. She laughed and said "making Kung Pao chicken at some Chinese restaurant doesn't count". The kitchen went silent, FIL snorted/chuckled, and my MIL yelled "SARAH WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU". I stopped what I was doing, swore at her and called her "a racist piece of shit", apologized to my MIL for not being able to stay, and left for home with my wife.
Apparently this caused a massive fight after we left, with my MIL/BIL/other SIL taking my side and my FIL/Sarah saying "it was a joke but kind of true" and that I was "being too sensitive". The extended family somehow got wind of this and now everyone is arguing and taking sides, with my wife even getting texts from some her cousins apologizing for Sarah's behavior. Despite being on my side, my wife is begging me to apologize so that the fighting will stop but I refuse to because fuck Sarah and her blatant racism.
AITA?
TL;DR: I'm a chef working at upscale Chinese resto, my SIL is a chef at upscale French resto. She's critical of my cooking skills and has now called it "making Kung Pao chicken at a Chinese restaurant". Family at war, wife begging me to apologize, what do?
EDIT: My wife has also informed me that now Sarah may be in trouble at work and she's blaming me for it. Apparently one of her co-workers heard her rant about what happened and reported it to management. (Edit: To clarify Sarah is blaming me, though my wife is partly blaming me).
EDIT2/UPDATE: So it looks like one of my wife's cousins found this post and put it on Sarah's Facebook wall going "This is you right?...". Her FB friends are starting to comment with things like "If this is you Sarah then I'm disappointed". I think Sarah's still at work - shit might be hitting the fan soon and now my wife is pissed too. Will try to update but might have to delete post if things go nuclear.
EDIT3/UPDATE2: Was considering removing but I just got a voicemail from my FIL that "[my] presence was only being tolerated up until this point" and threatened a "world of hurt" if I didn't delete this post. Officially going to keep this post up and if you're still reading this Doug - I'm very disappointed in you, you're better than this. Will also continue to update and thanks again for all your support folks.
EDIT4/UPDATE3: Lots of stuff just went down
1. My wife got a call from SIL. (From wife's paraphrasing) Sarah started screaming/crying at her the moment my wife picked up and said that she just got demoted because of "[her] {Asian slur} husband". Apparently some of her co-workers have her on FB and showed the post to management, which combined with her earlier rant, double whammied her back to being a line cook and now she might get fired. My wife told her to go fuck herself and is now solidly on my side after taking the verbal abuse from Sarah and reading some of the comments here. My wife is still the opposite of happy though...
2. Wife called MIL and asked her WTF was going on with FIL. MIL was confused so my wife played back the voicemail I had on my phone and apparently my MIL literally just walked away from the phone without hanging up and started screaming at FIL.
3. Facebook post has now devolved into a clusterfuck flame war with family and friends jumping in.
Suffice to say, it has officialy gone nuclear
Me right now.
I think I'm going to have to call this a day, will make an update post when the dust settles. Thanks again folks
***************** New Edit 6/29/21****************
But wait there's more!
https://www.reddit.com/user/throwaway23235982353/comments/oaa1ek/update_aita_for_calling_my_sil_a_racist_after_she/
(H/T u/MabelUniverse and u/Notamansplainer)
TL;DR at the bottom
I'd like to clarify that I got my wife and MIL's permissions to post this update (out respect for them and their privacy)
Suffice to say, it's been kind of nuts this past week. My wife and I had to turn off social media for a bit because of the shitstorm caused by her cousin putting my last post on Sarah's Facebook page. Some people even tried to call the restaurant I work at to get me fired as retribution, but luckily everyone there is 100% on my side (or as my boss put it "Fuck [Sarah], fuck those racists, fuck them so goddamn much"). I guess it didn't help them that half the calls involved threats, screaming, and more racial slurs.
We didn't hear any updates from her family, even though we assumed the shit met fan after MIL found out about FIL's threatening voicemail (*still disappointed in you Doug*). But that changed on Sunday night, when MIL suddenly showed up at our door with overnight bags. After we took a moment to help unpack and calm down, she spilled the beans on everything.
FIL (aka Doug)
Apparently my MIL and FIL were already having trouble in their marriage, and it was only made worse with a certain 2016 Presidential election (she's a Dem, and he had apparently gone more far-right since then). Seems that a line was crossed with the "Kung Pao Incident" and his voicemail. When he refused to apologize for anything (typical Doug), she asked for a divorce and he went beserk (trashing the house, threatening to beat me up). She didn't feel safe there so that's when she came over (other BIL and SIL live out of town).
Extended Family (aka The Great FB War of 2021)
You may have been able to tell already, but the extended family was largely arguing/fighting/divided along political lines for a few years now and my cousin's FB post was likely just the light to set off the powder keg. According to my MIL, the fallout has allegedly already led to some break-ups, excommunication of some family members, and even one fist-fight that ended with police involvement. Haven't verified this myself though.
Sarah / SIL
According to my MIL, Sarah came over to her place on Friday. The writing was on the wall and she was basically forced to quit. Despite her trying to start from scratch as a line cook, the entire staff turned against her. Nothing was coming back from the (dish) pit for her and she was getting the cold shoulder. She’s a great chef (I will admit this is true), but they took no chances since it turns out (shit you not)... they're partly owned by a Chinese investment company. Found this hard to believe and didn't want to add this detail, but it turned out to be true after some research (won't say any further for privacy). Word also got around in the local industry, and Sarah is essentially blacklisted from high-end establishments. She's now considering selling her home and moving to find work. As much as I don't like her and found her behavior horrifying, I didn't intend for this to happen so I've reached out to some buds in other states to see if they had any openings. Whether or not she wants to take itis up to her (and no, she has not apologized for anything either - but I still want to be a decent person to her).
It sure as hell doesn't feel like a happy ending. Perhaps bittersweet justice, but that's all I can give you. Thank you all for your support and for reading.
[Still me right now.](https://imgur.com/8QnGdHK)
TL;DR: Doug shat the bed, MIL chilling with us, extended family now entering Cold War phase on FB, Sarah career's been sent to pasture (at least in this city/state) | Ihaveapeach | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/o63ket/op_sil_in_same_profession_sil_does_a_racism/ | o63ket | 9,146 | 711 | [
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2021-06-23T03:47:48 | A Man Leaves His House For The First Time In 4 Years! (Happy) | r/Anxiety | [Original Post In r/anxiety](https://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/comments/bncqxj/after_not_leaving_the_house_in_4_years/)
After not leaving the house in 4 years..
I can’t stop smiling right now! In June it will be 4 years since I left my house and today I went to the Home Depot and made a purchase!!!! Walking to the car to leave felt like I was walking into a war zone! It’s not far from my house but there is a couple traffic lights that scare the shit out of me, not to mention it’s the freakin Home Depot on a Saturday morning😬😬😬😬. It was not easy and I thought I was gonna loose it a few times (and almost did) but I somehow kept it together. I am just so proud of myself right now and needed somewhere to say it! There is hope out there🙏🏻.
Edit: WOW, silver and gold!, thank you all so much, I can’t tell you how happy I am from all the support. I am literally having the best day!!!!!
*OP continues in the comments, explaining how he got to this point*
Looking back I probably had anxiety issues my whole life but it didn’t really take root till my college years. Started avoiding things like public transportation, slowly but surely over the next few years the list of things I would avoid grew. I used alcohol to navigate my self through social situations for years.
In my late 20’s I went to the doctors and told them about my anxiety issues and neglected to tell them about the drinking problem I had developed. Looking back I didn’t realize I had a problem but now I know I did. I was prescribed Xanax it worked wonders for me, I was able to have a job, a relationship that turned to marriage and children. Life was good. All the while my dependence on alcohol and Xanax grew to the point I was always on one of them and sometimes both.
Then in June of 2015 my prescription for Xanax was up and my thoughts were seeing how it wasn’t helping me as much as it was before (tolerance), I would just stop taking it. This was probably the single worst decision I have ever made in my life. The next few days I drank even more than normal just to try and feel “balanced”. On the third day off Xanax around noon all the sudden a seizure came on, room went dark then when sight returned everything was spinning, my speech was slurred and I couldn’t walk, the whole left side of my body was numb. I crawled to the phone while vomiting everywhere and called my wife.
It was just my 5 year old daughter and I at home at the time. I thought for sure this was the end for me and I left a message for her to come home immediately, I was having trouble staying conscious. Long story short( too late) she came home, my daughter was safe and for the next couple months I went through the most terrifying withdrawal process. I should have been hospitalized. It was a Full on mental breakdown! Lost 50 pounds, sducidal thoughts, the whole 9 yards...
It took the better part of a year for me to start feeling healthy enough to see friends over the house and then I didn’t like explaining what happened to me so I withdrew into a deep depression all while the original anxiety had come back worse than before. Not to be dramatic but past few years have been pretty bad, I am so lucky to have a spouse that’s been supporting me.
In December 2018 I decided to reach out to a psychiatrist through an online service called Teladoc. I explained what was going on with me and he diagnosed me with a panic disorder and agoraphobia. I had sworn off all of my vices and had not had a drink or pill in 3 1/2 years. So when he prescribed me lexapro I was extremely nervous to try it. It has now been 5 months and I am still working myself up to a 20 milligram dosage and right now I am stable at 15. It was a very tough first month but since then I have slowly been getting more confident. The culmination of that confidence is what happened today. Some times it feels like 2 steps forward and one step back but I think I’m heading in the right direction.
[Update 1 year later ](https://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/comments/dyfwbm/hadnt_left_the_house_in_four_years_update/)
Hello all, I wanted to give an update on my progress in hopes to maybe inspire just one person to take that first step. 4 1/2 years ago I had a complete mental breakdown due to a number of stressors and my alcohol abuse reaching critical mass. Prior to this I did suffer from anxiety for years but was still able to hold down a job, have a social life and be a relatively good father to my children.
After being house bound for 3 1/2 years I wasn’t able to walk to the mailbox without having a panic attack. I was so depressed and defeated I didn’t see the point in even existing anymore. I felt I had nothing to offer this world so in what literally felt like a life and death decision I reached out for help. I called my local NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) chapter and tearfully admitted the hell I had been going through.
It felt so liberating just to hear my voice letting some of that pain out. After a half hour or so on the phone, the women kindly suggested I start talking to a therapist via video chat. I did some research and decided on a company called betterhelp. I was assigned a counselor and she helped me to come around to the idea of medication. I then began video chat sessions with a psychiatrist with a company Teladoc. I was prescribed 15 mg (after a gradual increase) of lexapro. My wife of coarse had to pick up the called in script from the pharmacy.
The first two months were not good to say the least, I had a lot of side effects but I pushed through and by the third month i started feeling a little bit of my confidence returning. I would take little walks a couple hundred feet from the house. I started to white knuckle drive around the block. In May of this year at 5 months of medication, on a Saturday morning something in me clicked. I just said fuck it, jumped in my car and drove a couple miles down the road through multiple stoplights to a Home Depot, went inside and made a purchase. It was TERRIFYING! I was a nervous wreck but by the time I made it home I was so stinkin proud of myself I was gitty.
I came right on here to reddit and announced my crowning achievement. In the time since then I push myself everyday. Little by little expanding my comfort zone. I now can drive anywhere in the city, I have even taken the freeway to the next city over. I go for walks with my family to the park. I have gone out to dinners and reconnected with some old friends. Most importantly the quality time out of the house with my children has returned me a mindset that I do have value, and I do have something to offer this world. I still have down days but overall I am happy and proud of the progress I have made.
For me the combination of medication and cognitive behavioral therapy has proven to loosen the chains of anxiety but none of this would have been possible without taking that very first step of many first steps, Asking for help! From the bottom of my heart I wish all of you the best. | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/o64vf1/a_man_leaves_his_house_for_the_first_time_in_4/ | o64vf1 | 7,034 | 241 | [
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2021-06-23T04:54:01 | TIFU by sleeping with my roommate (Long) | TIFU | [Original Post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/d0mjcl/tifu_by_sleeping_with_my_roommate/)
Alright. This is gonna be a long read my dudes. Not only did this not happen today, rather a set of occurrences over the past month or so. So let's go back a bit.
I moved into a new place a couple months ago on June 1st. It's a house and the owner just rents out the rooms. About a week later a gal moved in, let's call her Jill. We'll Jill seemed rad, I liked Jill, we hung out a lot, talked, and We got along really well.
Well, about a month ago Jill comes in my room. We're chillin and talking and one thing leads to another, we bump uglies. Well, the next day we talked and I said that it probably isn't a good idea to be doing that thing since it could lead to a bad living situation overall. She actually agreed and we were good, no biggie.
Time went on, I saw Jill still and hung out here and there but of course... In my stupidity and lack of self control, it happened again... And again, and also a 4th time. We had both made it known that this was supposed to just be 2 friends having fun. This was clear between us. Now you see how this is a recipe for disaster. About 3 weeks ago I sat her down and simply said that we seriously can't do this anymore, I could feel that feelings were developing on both sides. Again, we agreed! Kinda let down on both sides but we agreed. Again, no biggie and life went on.
Well, a few days later Jill sends me a text. Now you see, Jill is quite short. She asked me to help her put some heavy stuff on her top shelf in her closet, I said no biggie, I can do that whenever you get home. That evening, I fell asleep around 8pm and at about 830 she texts me asking for me to help. She texts me again when I don't respond and asks if I'm avoiding her cause our landlord was in the living room. When I don't respond she proceeds to knock on my door, which wakes me up.
I answer and say I was asleep. she's standing there saying that "she feels disrespected". Confused, I don't get how she would feel that way and that I'll do it tomorrow cause I was sleeping. Well, she didn't like that and wouldn't drop it so I said screw it, I'll just do it now. As I enter her room, I didn't immediately realize that she had closed her bedroom door, nor did I notice that multiple candles were lit. After I do her the favor, I try to leave. She looks at me and it finally sets in... She wants to hook up.
Now, I immediately say no and stick to my guns. I keep trying to leave but she hugs me literally begging that she just wants to have sex with me. I keep saying no over and over, and even tell her we agreed to not do this anymore. Well, she goes for broke starts reaching for my dick, reaches in my pants, even gets on her knees and won't fucking stop. I turn around, walk across her room and stand there trying to get my head on straight.
By now I'm just pissed thinking if the roles were flipped this shit would be sexual assault. So yeah, I said that to her. She immediately changed her attitude and I left without saying a word.
Now, you guys might be thinking "this doesn't seem like that big of a deal". Well peeps, this is where shit REALLY heats up. Mind you, I'm at fault here for this part. I was the asshole and definitely shouldn't have done this... Let's continue.
I didn't speak to or see Jill for about a week or so. And right around this time, an old flame of mine that moved away across the country to persue her career texts me. Let's call her Jane. Well, Jane said she was coming home for the weekend for a wedding and asked me to be her plus one. I agreed cause her and I were really chill and I'd like to see her. She asks if she can stay at my place the night of the wedding. Of course I said yes cause I'm a God damn idiot.
Now...mind you, it's been 3 weeks since Jill and I messed around at this point. We hadn't talked much for a bit and this is where we're at. One week ago today, shit hit the fucking fan.
Jane comes over a day early, the day before the wedding so she's now here for 2 nights. we hang out and watch movies and of course, we then do the nasty...for a good while too. After we finish up we're laying in bed and out of fucking nowhere Jill busts in my room flipping the fuck out (which yes... I had it coming) . Dazed and confused I just keep telling her to get out of my room, I'm getting pissed, I get up and get her out so we can go to bed. She comes back minutes later saying that our landlord wants to chat.
FUCK. now he's involved. It's fucking 12am, Jill's screaming, demanding that I move out because I'm a disrespectful piece of shit, calling Jane a trashy whore, my landlord is just in fucking awe. This goes on for an hour. I'm trying to calm shit down but she's steering this whole thing to make me out to be a shit bag. which, admittedly I was being a dick. my landlord says that Jill and I hooking up was a mutual agreement and essentially shuts down her playing the victim. I finally get to bed.
Now, I wake up to some odd noises outside my door. This is at like 730am. I get up, and Jill has now taken it upon herself to take all my stuff in the community closet out and throw it on the floor outside my door. She tells me "you got 30 days cause we're taking a house vote so im just helping you pack" . I'm in awe... Because this isn't something that's agreed upon, she's simply saying she wants me out and is doing everything she can to attain that goal. I start putting my stuff back in the closet but as I do that, she decides to take my stuff and throw it off the 2nd floor balcony. As she grabs a 2nd handful of my clothes I run up and try to rip them out of her hands, which does pull her towards me and our arms come in contact.
Now you see, I'm not a physical person... I hate violence and I try to keep a level head. She looks at me in awe and yells "you just hit me!!! ". I'm fucking livid. She's flipping out and making this hell. I go downstairs grabbing my stuff and my landlord comes out and sternly says "don't touch eachother stuff. Don't go in each other's rooms. You're adults. If you can't solve this I'm calling the cops and kicking you both out". This shuts her up, I grab my stuff. And for the rest of the day she does passive aggressive things just to piss me off.
Anyways... Fast forward, she takes a day to calm down and we talk it out. I acknowledged that I acted like an ass...because I was, seriously dudes, I know I was wrong. She also acknowledged she was wrong in some respects. We made up. Came to an understanding and all was good for like, 4 days until today.
You see, she's been texting me trying to rekindle our friendship, it's not that I don't want to, I just need time to simmer down and let the dust settle so I responded to some texts, and others I didn't cause frankly, I don't wanna hang out with her right now.
Now, I wake up this morning to a fucking book. She wrote me the longest text I had ever seen saying that I only talked to her and said I was cool with being friends so I didn't get kicked out. She took that as me being a liar and manipulative. Tells me how uncomfortable she is in this house and it's all my fault. She wants me out again and when I told her we've already talked about all this she decides to go to the landlord again who if course said he's not going to pick sides and if we can't come to an understanding, he wants us both out. I told her I'm willing to talk again if necessary... I do actually like it here but balls in her court. I haven't receive a response.
So here I am. Writing this long ass fuck up wondering what's to come next and thinking I should look for a new place. Which, I know I should but eh, I'm stubborn.
Anyways. That's my story. Fuck I'm an idiot.
TL;DR slept with my roommate a few times, we agreed to stop. She persisted. I brought another girl over eventually. Roommate lost her fucking mind. Might be getting kicked out of my place
¯_(ツ)_/¯
Edit: I will say, in the beginning she did tell me to be emotionally gentle with her cause she has trust issues. So yes, I know...i put my dick in crazy and was too stupid to care in the moment.
Edit 2: I get it, don't stick my dick in crazy, lolol
Update: I took my toothbrush out of the bathroom when shit hit the fan cause I don't like the idea of something I put in my mouth on a daily basis being available to her
She called me crying just now. Apparently, on top of me not really responding and wanting space and some quiet, the main reason she flipped out today was because I never put my fucking toothbrush back after she asked me to cause she just wanted things to be back to normal. I shit you not. Those were her words. Jesus fucking christ what did I get myself into.
I did put it back though... But I'm not gonna use it since I got a new one anyways 🙃
Update 2: before I begin, I just wanna say 1 thing, thank you all for your support and kind words. It means a lot tbh and I am gonna be moving out. I will also continue to double down on the fact that I was at fault in some respects but by no means am I belittling her actions.
Alright, she came home last night. I could tell she had been out drinking when she came to talk with me about stuff. She came in my room and didn't say a word for like 10 minutes and just kept crying. Now, I'm a bit of a brick wall and I have no sympathy for her after what's happened. I start talking and the first words out of her mouth were fucking "kiss me". I did not. I refused after she told me to kiss her multiple times and she even tried to kiss me when I declined. She wanted to cuddle, I again said no. Eventually I discouraged her enough to shut her up. We talked it out and came to an understanding yet again. Tbh, I'm only being this cool about it so we can go back to not living in a house full of drama and I can live here stress free until I find a new place very soon. Anyways... We finish talking and she then asks if she can sleep in my room cause "she doesn't wanna be alone tonight". I tell her fuck no and she says I'm being mean which I explain to her why Its not mean for me to say no. She then leaves my room to go to the bathroom and brings in her pillow and blanket saying that she's just gonna sleep on the floor which pisses me off and I continue to say no.
Anyways, point being. She tried some shit last night, I declined every bit of it, we made peace for now, and I'm hoping it just lasts until I find a new place in the very near future. I know It was kinda risky talking with her while intoxicated but it came to the conclusion I was hoping for.
[Update ](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/dxqala/tifu_by_not_taking_any_of_reddits_advice_an/)
first off, i want to thank all of you who responded to me in the beginning positively and gave me great advice...i should have taken it i want you to know i am currently taking steps to get myself out of this situation asap. im sorry i have failed you. im a dumb ass.
To be honest Jill has really mellowed out. we haven't talked much. its been super cordial and seemed like everything was on good grounds. i was wrong. I've met a Girl. lets call her Danielle. we've been talking a lot and shes really a spectacular person i mentioned in passing that i was having Danielle over Saturday morning to hang out cause she was dealing with some personal stuff (which she was). Jill asked if she should leave cause she didn't want to hear any sex noises or whatever and i said no cause i knew it wasn't going to happen, not that its any of her business. well, i decided to invite Danielle over on Friday night instead to stay the night. this was the first time we have hung out alone like this. All we were doing was talking and cuddling, no sex was being had, we weren't making a peep of noise and just relaxing. well, Danielle decided to go take her contacts out and then it happened. Jill sees Danielle and fucking loses it.
When Danielle comes back in my room Jill is standing there in the doorway pissed asking me to talk privately. i said no and she starts getting more pissed off i tried to shut and lock my door but she pushes her way in and started yelling at Danielle asking if she knew her and i had sex and saying that i always bring sluts home, so her normal bit. i begin to push her out and prevent her from entering my room, nothing violent, just enough to keep her from coming in my room more. still screaming, i eventually shut my door and lock it. i then hear Jill say shes calling the cops. Danielle and i talk about it cause she was confused as fuck, which admittedly i should have given her a heads up...my bad. Danielle was cool about it and was just amazed at how insane Jill was.
well, no surprise here...she called the cops. she made up this story that i pushed her and was violent to her and affecting her mental health. the cops came and i went down to talk to them. they listened and were actually really cool about it all. they also talked to Danielle who corroborated my side of the story Jill dug her own grave and told them she entered my room and that's why i pushed her out. eventually the officers told me that they determined Jill was the initial aggressor and i was not at fault at all. they told me if i wanted to press charges she would be taken away for the night...i did not. because i don't wanna deal with all the legal bullshit tbh. they said i can go back to my room and told me to have a good night.
Well, Jill wasn't happy. she proceeded to bang on my door and call her friends crying right outside my room for an hour because all she wanted was for me to get out and i wouldn't. She literally slid her debit card under my door yelling at me that i should go get a hotel for the night and use her card. i did consider cutting it up and sliding it back under but i just slid it back under and left it at that.
Danielle and i were really just appalled and laughing at it all. everything quieted down and Saturday morning came.
when you get up, you gotta piss. so i went to the bathroom but Jill was outside my room asking me a bunch of questions which i ignored. When i came out of the bathroom, i see Jill standing there at the end of the hall recording me on her phone still asking me questions. as i get closer she hold up a can of pepper spray to my face and says "why don't you push me like you did last night, the cops said if you touch me i can use this on you" i turned my back to her and said nothing. she was blocking my way into my room and i didn't wanna risk triggering her by pushing past her. eventually she stepped back and i went in my room without saying a word.
not much else has happened. i have her number blocked but she did text me from another persons number asking all this insane shit which is creepy. My landlord was gone at this point so i texted him telling him the situation and that im leaving. he said he was kicking her out but too little too late. im done with this shit.
Well friends, that's my tale. please proceed to call me a moron for not moving sooner and not taking all your advice. im going to start getting a restraining order tomorrow against Jill so this should really be the end of all this trouble. Jesus Christ im an idiot.
TL;DR - didnt take reddits advice last time, roommate freaked the fuck out again, im now taking reddits advice. | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/o65vv6/tifu_by_sleeping_with_my_roommate_long/ | o65vv6 | 15,347 | 216 | [
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2021-06-24T05:05:57 | TIFU by sleeping with a married woman. +UPDATES | TIFU | This is extra extra-long but is an entertaining read
*repost, original* [*Post*](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/clt0i3/tifu_by_sleeping_with_a_married_woman/) *by* u/gregrawry *dated 4th August, 2019*
So, this is gonna be long and one hell of a ride. NSFW or for anyone, really. And I may not be alive much longer, because I’m probably going to be murdered.
I’m at the bar the other night, watching the Hall of Fame Game. After it’s over, I go over to charge my phone, and get one last drink before I Uber home. This girl sitting next to me, very attractive. Out of my league. Like wayyy out. I’m just scrolling through memes on my phone. And she asks me
“hey! Can I trust you to watch my things and not drug me?”
“Uhh what?”
“Can you watch my stuff while I go pee and not drug me”
to which the bartender said “oh you can trust Greg, he’s really nice”. Annnd this is where the bartender fucked up.
Girl comes back from the bathroom, sits back down and started to talk to me. Just random shit. Showed pictures of our dogs to each other. Talked about shows n stuff. Typical ‘meet a girl at a bar’ flirting shit. She asks if I’ve ever seen the show Years and Years. I say “no, but I’ve seen the band perform live”. So she goes on about how great the show is, and how I need to watch it. Asks if I have HBOGO. “Yes because I forgot to cancel my cable after GoT”. So she makes me download the APP, so I could start watching it when I get home. Thanks for the recommendation! I’ll probably check it out never. So a few minutes later, she said
“hey do you live close by?”
“Yea, like half a mile”
“we should go watch the show right now, we can curl up on your couch and watch it together. I have a bottle of whiskey in my car”
“Idk, my house is kind of a mess right now”
“That’s okay, I have pets too” (or something like that. All I was thinking was that this girl wants to bang at this point)
“I mean I guess, but I have to be at work early tomorrow”
“That’s okay, I can only stay 30-40 minutes and then I’ll have to go home” “That’s fine” heh, cuz that’s all the time I’ll need! AM I RIGHT, FELLAS??
No. Nononono, this was probably one of the biggest mistakes of my life at this point.
It’s about, 11pm at this point. I think? And mind you, I’ve only been talking this girl for maybe 20 minutes.
So we tab out, get in her car. Which is a stick shift. And I say “oh no shit, I like you even more now! No one drives a stick anymore! I drive one every day!” Which I’m excited about, because at this point I’m thinking to myself “hmm this girl is hot, has tattoos, likes shows I like, and imma bout to get laid”
We talked about driving a stick shift the whole time on the way to my house (this is important, because it wasn’t the first time that this subject came up). Which is just a half mile away. So was a short drive. She parks behind my car, blocking my car in.
Go inside, I try to clean up a little bit as she meets and plays with my dog. While I try to get my Chromecast set up on my living room TV. Ya know, to “watch HBOGO”.
She runs outside to her to grab the bottle of whiskey.
It’s fucking Evan Williams.
And this is the first time where an “oh no” thought crosses my mind.
Kids, I’ve slept with some strange in my time. I don’t know how or why I get myself into these situations. I honestly feel that I’m a decent looking, charming, sometimes funny, nice person. Sure I troll the fuck out of people on the interwebs, but I do genuinely care about other people. Being nice does pay off, and karma is a real thing. But in this case, I was dead wrong.
So after some talking about random shit. We get the show playing. I couldn’t even tell you what happened in the first few moments of that show, because she gets up grabs me by the hand, and leads me into my bedroom.
Sex.
So after, we’re just laying there. Pillow talk. Was a good night. I just got laid. She asked if she could stay the night. We’re gonna go to sleep. Everything is cool. I let her know that I have to be at work in a few hours, so I need to get some rest.
Now, up to this point in the story, it all sounds like a great night. Pulled off another one night stand. *high fives all around* Right?
Wrong.
I say “that was great we should do this again sometime”
“I don’t think so”
“What why?”
“I don’t think my husband would appreciate that”
I am speechless. I don’t think I’ve ever felt my heart skip that many beats ever. Millions of thoughts crossed my mind all at once. Like, how the fuck did I not see this coming. Omg imma home wrecker. I’m probably gonna get shot of he finds out.
Me: “Ummmmmmm WHAT? Is this an open relationship? Does he know where you’re at? Like, why didn’t you tell me that?”
Her: “idk, does it matter?”
“Uh yeah, I’d be pretty pissed if I was him”
Now I’ve been cheated on before. And that feeling sucks. I’ve been in a similar situation like, 10 years ago. Where I didn’t know that I was sleeping with someone who had a bf at the time. I had found out a couple days later, and I found him on fb and let him know. He thanked me, and didn’t get mad at me at all. Cheating is the worse thing ever.
So this is where shit starts to hit the fan. I don’t remember the exact conversation, but it went something like this:
Her: “we’re getting separated soon”
Me: “well you’re still fucking married to him”
“Yea but that’s okay”
“How is that okay?”
“He’s been..... abusive”
There’s a slight pause, then she starts crying. So this is where the sober me starts to kick in. This girl is struggling. She’s in a bad spot. And no one should ever lay a finger on a woman. And now I’m trying to empathize with this trashy Evan Williams drinking bitch. Like I legit felt bad from all the shit that she was telling me.
Que the panic attack.
She starts going nuts. Ripping posters off my wall, running around my house butt naked. Knocking shit over. Basically trashing my house.
She asks me to get her medicine out of her purse. Which I do. She takes it. And calms down. (For the most part).
Now this is like, 2 or 3 am now. I tell her that we need to go to sleep. Because I have to work in the morning. She tells me “(bartender) was right, you are a really great guy” Btw, Evan Williams isn’t that bad when you’re slightly inebriated and you just had sex with a crazy bitch.
We finally get to sleep around 4? Maybe? I wake up late, she wants round 3. And who doesn’t like morning sex. I’m still kinda drunk at this point, and could give 0 fucks. So I gave her a fuck.
Anyways, I need to leave for work. But her car is blocking mine. I tell her that she needs to move hers, but she can’t because she didn’t know where her clothes were. And told me I couldn’t move it because “I didn’t know how to drive it”
“Uhh, this is the third time we’ve had this conversation. I drive a stick every day, I can move your car”
I move her car. I leave for work. And I just let her stay at my house. I let her stay because one, the shit that she told me about her husband is pretty crazy. Two, I was already running late, and fuck it she’ll probably leave before I get home.
A couple hours into my shift, she stops responding to my texts. I get concerned, because I’m starting to sober up, and piecing all this shit together. I came to the conclusion that I should find the husband on fb, and message him, letting him know what happened.... BUT, I see that she had already messaged him. FROM MY FACEBOOK ACCOUNT! My computer was still logged into fb when I left, and I didn’t think to log out or shut it off or anything.
I tell my boss about everything that has happened up until this point. He lets me go home. When I get home, I find her still naked in my bed. I get her friend to get her an Uber. And I leave. Oh also had the sex one more time because 🤷♂️.
Go back to work. Thinking everything is over. That’s the end of that. Wrong again.
I get home from work, to find her on my couch wearing one of my shirts. And only that shirt. Like vag all out and everything. This girl is afraid to go home. Which I’m worried about at this point. Because I want her to go somewhere safe. She’s refusing to reach out to any friends and what not.
Oh yea, she had me find her phone. Which had 40 something messages and 28 missed calls from her husband. And several others from other people.
She hands me $20 to order a pizza. And after we eat the pizza, she’d Uber home. Fuckin bet. I ordered the pizza, and she wanted one last round of the sex before the pizza got there.
I kid you not. I’m sitting on one end of the couch, her on the other. And she just opens her legs and says “make it quick”
This bitch has already hit and kicked me, trashed my house, and I’m just ready for her to leave.
Sex.
After, we’re just sitting there, and she starts crying again. Asking to go home. And I’m like
“I’ll get you an Uber home, but you gotta put pants on” “No”
“What do you mean ‘no’? You can’t get in an Uber with your pussy out”
“No”
So I gather up all of her belongings and clothes. And try to help her get dressed. To which she refused to allow me to do.
Most guys will agree, one of the hottest things ever... That “arch” thing that women do when you’re pulling their panties off is a fucking amazing feeling.
I had the same feeling when I got her panties ON.
Pizza arrives. I go outside, sign for the pizza n stuff. Come back inside. Panties are off again. God dammit.
We never even opened the pizza box. She’s saying that she wants to go home. But is refusing to get dressed. I’m starting to panic myself. Because I don’t know how I got myself into this situation. But, am me.
She eventually hands me her phone, with the conversation that’s she having with her husband. And I read through the conversation, it’s her sending multiple texts saying “I’m so sorry babe” “idk where I’m at” “come get me”. And him saying “nope sorry” “this is on you” and “call 911”
That last one though. That’s what I did.
Before I called 911, I offered to drive her car back to the bar where we met, because I knew the husband would give her a ride back there. And not to my house. Because now I’m starting to worry about my safety. I don’t want homeboy to show up on my porch with a shotty. But then again she states that “you don’t know how to drive my car” with it being a stick and all. Even though this is 4th or 5th time this was brought up in conversation.
I told them that I have an inebriated woman in my house that is refusing to leave, even though she wants to leave. Etc. I tried to call our one mutual friend, (the bartender from the previous night) but she didn’t answer.
The \~20 minutes before the cops arrived were the most awkward 20 minutes of my life. This girl is drunk crying. Trying to get me to go for yet another round. Where at this point, my dick hurts. Also, “girl you need to get dressed, you’re gonna be going home”
Finally got her panties back on, I didn’t tell her that I had called the cops. I told her that the Uber was coming. And was trying to get her to put her pants on.
Cops show up, I go outside. Explain the situation, was kind of freaking out. But I kept my calm. I told them that I was concerned about her safety, because of all the shit that she told me about her husband. But they can’t force her to go anywhere she didn’t want to. She wanted to go home. Officers ask if she was presentable. I pop my head back in the door. She’s still wearing my shirt and her panties. So I’m like “I guess?”, and then I let them in.
She yells “are you fucking serious? You called the cops?” “Uh yea, you didn’t wanna leave. Even though you said you did. Plus your husband said to call 911, so that’s what I did”
The officer said to her “you’re on this man’s property, and he wants you to leave”
Que crying and what not.
Cops ask me to gather all of her stuff. Which I do. Her husband calls her phone, so I accept the call, and then put it up to her face. Tell her to tell him what’s happening. And that she is getting an Uber home. Apparently her card and PayPal was getting declined for the ride. So she couldn’t do it herself. They live like 5 miles away from me, so it was only $8 or something. I live pretty close to downtown, so ordering a Lyft/Uber usually takes 2-3 minutes after calling for one. Once cops tell her that her ride is on the way, and gonna be here within 2 minutes... Girl finally decides to get dressed.
I had to help a 30 year old woman put pants on... I could see the officer’s partner struggling to keep a straight face during that ordeal. Lol.
Anyways, I hand her hat, keys, bra, shirt (she’s still wearing mine) to the officer. Made sure she had all of her belongings. We get her to walk out of my house to the Uber. But she tried to grab the bottle of Evan Williams. To where I audibly laughed. “I don’t think they’ll let you take that”
Cops didn’t let her take it. She got in the Uber and she was gone. Policeman handed me the bottle back. Where I say “usually this is the other way around, ha”
Po-po leave, I call it a night, and it’s over.
Flash forward to today. I get a message from our mutual friend (the bartender) and she’s asking if crazy girls keys are at my house. I was at work at the time. So I wasn’t able to check. But I’m 98% certain I handed those over to the cops. I look for them when I get home. Found nothing.
Oh, and this girls car is still parked across the street from my house.
So that brings us to now. I haven’t heard anything from her. Or the husband. And I’m not sure if it’s safe for me to go home. But ya. Know what? Fuck it. I’m glad I could share this story with y’all. There might be more to come, but you’ll probably have to read about it in my obituary.
The moral of the story is, drug every girl that asks you not to drug them at a bar. 😂
Jk don’t do that.
And don’t stick your dick in crazy.
TLDR: Took a girl home who I didn't know was married. She trashed my house.
Edit: I’m not gonna change “que” to “cue” because fuck you, deal with my mistakes while I deal with mine.
Edit 2: the messages, [https://imgur.com/gallery/jju2GIa](https://imgur.com/gallery/jju2GIa)
Edit 3: her car is still there. Can’t get it towed, because it’s on a public street. I’m still alive. I see a lot of you have sent me messages privately. I’ll get to them when I can.
Edit 4: FML. I sent her a text saying that she needs to come get her car. No response. Bartender texted me late last night and asked if I used a condom. Which many of you have asked.... And no. I didn't. The girl told me that she was on birth control and that she's allergic to latex. So I think I may have been baby baited.
Edit 5: I’m still not dead. Her car is still in front of my across the street neighbor’s house. I just happened to see said neighbor step outside to smoke a cigarette. So I walked across the street to tell her about the circumstances of getting that car towed, since it’s front of their house... This woman is only wearing a bra and either boy shorts or short shorts. And she’s most likely high on meth. Because when I asked her “hey do you wanna get this car that’s in front of your house towed?” She said “no, noooo hehe” I’m like “yea, I’ll talk to y’all tomorrow” just wtf.
**UPDATE**
I’ve been texting a mutual friend of the couple. Apparently the husband is a really good guy, and this has (probably) happened before. I’m in the works of a TIFUpdate. But I’ll need time for editing screenshots and stuff. I’d like to protect the privacy of those involved, but I’m just too lazy to do it right now.
# ~[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/cmwa5k/tifu_update_sleeping_with_a_married_woman/) Dated 7th August, 2019 (3 days later)~
Not only has this been the craziest week of my entire life, it might probably be any individual's craziest week ever.
In my last [post](https://www.rareddit.com/r/tifu/comments/clt0i3/tifu_by_sleeping_with_a_married_woman/), that blew up wayy beyond my expectations. A lot has happened since then. Aside from multiple messages, hate, getting a girl's phone number, and disbelief of that story... Let me tell ya folks, it is very, very real.
I was told that the husband came into the bar looking for a red headed guy with a beard named "Jonathan". So unless he reads the original post on the Reddits, I'm safe. I think.
Her car is finally gone. And I haven't heard anything from the husband directly, but this shit has gotten juicier.
I shared the post with a friend that I had lost touch with, because life and everything. And figured she'd get a kick out of this insanity. She asks what her name was. I tell her, and she was like "OMG I WAS GUESSING THAT YOU WERE GONNA SAY \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_" Well then I ask for a picture, to confirm if it's the same girl.
[FUCK MY LIFE](https://i.imgur.com/DOzdqoD.png)
So once my heartbeat comes down, and texting this mutual friend about the situation. I get this [reassurance](https://i.imgur.com/GjUplx2.png). She said she'd message him, and would have my back.
Wellllll, [shit.](https://i.imgur.com/uP86Z0X.png)
As I go to sleep dreading the final outcome of this already fucked up situation...I woke up this morning to more hate and other messages from my original post. I text the friend, letting her know that the car is finally gone. and was also eager to hear what the husband had said back to her.
[Blame it on the Goose](https://i.imgur.com/BCOx7hH.png)
I am hoping this is all over now. HOPING. There is so much fucked up'd in this story with everyone involved. Myself included. I get home from running my errands and lunch n stuff today. My across the street neighbor approaches me.
[At least I'm not Jeremy](https://i.imgur.com/idTxr9d.png)
In conclusion, be careful of what you stick your dick in. I wish I was making all of this up. I do appreciate all the comments and laughs from the last post. And more importantly you taking the time to read it. I do have similar stories to tell. But Imma wait for this smoke to settle before I get into that.
TLDR: I slept with a woman I didn't know was married, her husband blamed it on her drinking.
Edit: [I guess she's missing again](https://i.imgur.com/FRAFEpZ.png)
# ~[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/csprgf/tifu_udpate_update_slept_with_a_married_woman/) Dated 20th August, 2019 (13 days later)~
Hello.
Am still alive.
For those late to the party, I posted this [fuck up](https://www.rareddit.com/r/tifu/comments/clt0i3/tifu_by_sleeping_with_a_married_woman/) a couple of weeks ago. Followed by this [update](https://www.rareddit.com/r/tifu/comments/cmwa5k/tifu_update_sleeping_with_a_married_woman/). And I have received several messages and comments requesting another update.
Sorry for taking so long to update, and that's mainly because nothing really has happened. (until this past Sunday). I have scheduled a doctor's appointment to get checked. Which I'm not that worried about. It doesn't burn when I pee, and other than sweaty balls causing discomfort in this heat... All seems to be in order down in my nono zone.
A friend of mine's job requires her to go through court records n stuff from time to time. She messaged me Sunday morning, with a screenshot of an individual filing for a divorce.
[It was the husband](https://i.imgur.com/2TmVsdQ.png)
This isn't the first time she has done something like this. It may have just been the final straw, or she may have even done it again in the 2 weeks since it happened with me. So I may or may not be directly related to him filing. And this isn't the first time this dude has been in court either. Homeboy has had a couple of other women file protective orders against him in the past. Also has been charged with domestic violence, and has a permanent PO against one of the womens who filed one against him.
[\#heroicpenis?](https://i.imgur.com/jWH1bdg.png)
So maybe she wasn't lying about her situation at home. I tried to find the comment on my original post, but... There's a lot of them. I remember the redditor said that it was "fishy" or "weird" that the cops let her go home, even after I had explained to them that she told me that the husband was abusive. I didn't know the husband's name at the time, so it's not like I could have mentioned his previous charges or whatever. I asked the cops if they could take her to a shelter or something like that. And they told me "We can't take her to anywhere she's not willing to go" And she wanted to go home...
Another comment was asking where the doggo was during all of this. He was around doin hood rat shit. When she had that episode and started running around my house, I don't exactly remember where he went. Probably under my bed? Who knows? However when the police arrived, I put him in his crate. The dog was barking like crazy, so I put him outside. My pup is an escape artist, and always finds a way out of the backyard when unsupervised. I grabbed his leash, tied it to the back porch so I could go back inside. I could still hear him barking, but was nowhere near as loud. Once everyone left, I go to let the dog back in. Only to find that he had snapped his leash....
[Strong 'ol pupper](https://i.imgur.com/bPvbrY5.jpg)
There are several other questions I missed, and/or comments/concerns. But like I said, there was a lot. Feel free to ask any other questions, I'll probably answer them maybe.
In conclusion, I really hope that this is the last I'll hear of this psychotic sexual encounter. I hope that she gets her shit figured out, and won't ever get herself into a situation like this again. And I'm glad that she is getting away from that (alleged) PoS. I've been doing some personal reflection on my own life choices and lifestyle. To which I am trying to improve on. I am a PoS too. I can't argue with you there. This has been a real eye opening experience for me, and gave me a very bizarre and terrifying look into the ugliness of alcoholism. Whether it be being too drunk to think with the right head, or witnessing a half naked chick chug straight from a bottle of Evan Williams in-between sobbing and what not. As for myself, I have made the decision to quit drinking, today marks one week since I've had a drink. Not much, but it's something.
Anyways, here's a picture of my [cat](https://i.imgur.com/eBdLJkr.jpg)
TL;DR: Slept with a woman that I didn't know (pre-coitus) was married. Her husband filed for a divorce two weeks later. | terrip_t1 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/o6u2vz/tifu_by_sleeping_with_a_married_woman_updates/ | o6u2vz | 22,369 | 369 | [
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2021-06-24T19:51:43 | OP Wants To Honeymoon In OP's Home | AITA | Title should read "OP's *Sister* Wants To Honeymoon In OP's Home"
[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ny0grc/aita_for_saying_no_when_my_family_said_i_should/)
AITA for saying no when my family said I should let my sister have her honeymoon at my house.
Backstory. My house used to belong to my parents. But they sold it to me in 2017. It had been a family vacation home of sorts. Every couple years when my grandparents were alive they'd invite us kids up there for a week. Fast forward to the end of 2016. My sister got accepted to her dream college. Wont say which but it's a big one. Everyone was excited and proud of her, me too. But a week after that my parents called asking if I'd found a house yet.
I was looking for one and my family knew it. I'd been saving up since I started my first job at 20. I said no so my dad suggested I buy the lake house from them. I asked why they wanted to sell it. Turns out sis didn't have any savings for college and didn't get some scholarship like she'd planned? And our parents couldn't afford to pay for everything either. I asked why she didn't get student loans and they said they didn't want her ruining her credit. So their solution was to sell the lake house and use the money from that to finance her college.
I had lots of good memories from the lake house so eventually I agreed. I work via computer so after getting a good internet connection out there I moved right in, and been there since. My gf moved in permanently last year before lockdown and it's been pretty blissful.
2019 my sister & her college bf got engaged. Parents agreed to pay for her wedding. But like with every other wedding around then things got set back. Sis had to postpone her wedding until this year. She plans to have it in Dec. I even agreed to be in the bridal party.
Issues came up recently when my sis asked where I was going to stay for the 2 weeks after her wedding? Puzzled I answered my house? She got a sour look and said that wouldn't work, her and fiance would be there and they wanted private time. I asked why they'd be at my house and she said that's where they were having their honeymoon. Two weeks alone at a lake house. I said that was news to me. She insisted our parents said it was fine. But I said it wasn't their place to make decisions about my house.
After arguing she called our parents who said I was being unreasonable. I said I didn't want my sister and her fiance christening their new union by fucking in my house. They said I was being gross and selfish. I said no again so sis threatened to remove me from the bridal party. I just shrugged and said okay. She starts crying, saying she already couldn't have her dream wedding like she wanted and now I was trying to ruin her honeymoon too. I told her to rent a hotel room like every other newlywed couple then hung up.
She's not speaking to me and I'm uninvited to the wedding. Our parents keep calling me and saying I should do this for her since her wedding is only 1/3 what she wanted it to be. But I'm not comfortable with them staying unsupervised at my house. They're making me feel like a monster for saying no. AITA?
[Update in the comments ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ny0grc/aita_for_saying_no_when_my_family_said_i_should/h23cwce/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)
Well uh, learned something new today. I spoke to my sister like a few people suggested and asked her if she knew the lake house was legally MY house. As in, I bought it years ago.
She was NOT in fact aware of this. She was under the impression from our parents that they were letting me live there rent free...... I corrected her and even showed her proof that they sold the house to me. And when she asked why they sold it I was honest and said it was to pay for her college tuition/lifestyle. She became quiet after that and we soon hung up.
No idea what's going to happen now.
Shit went down after my original post and I couldn't find time to make any new edits before I received judgement. Not everything is resolved here so I'm not making a final update yet. It was suggested I save that until I know things are resolved. But here's a comment to update everyone who has been asking for once since my first post.
• My sister did confront our parents about them selling the house. They tried playing dumb, asking her what she meant, but went quiet after she told them she knew they did and texted them the picture I sent her of the contract I signed when buying the lake house, proving I owned the place.
• Sister was furious and said they lied to her about who owned the house and let her look like a lunatic. They went in circles, saying they definitely told her about it but she must have forgotten since she was so focused on her first year of college, but my sister's adamant that she wouldn't forget about something as big as them selling a whole house.
• Sister called me back the next day and asked if we could talk. She said she felt like she didn't know what was the truth anymore (didn't blame her) so we sat and talked for what felt like hours. We hadn't talked that long since we were kids. It was sorta nice at some parts. But it was also upsetting in more parts because it shed some nasty light on a lot of stuff from our childhoods.
• She asked how much they sold the house for, I told her (close to 100k), and she said that didn't add up. According to her, all four years of her tuition cost just under 50k. She revealed that she had to get a job and rent an apartment with a friend to be able to afford living by her school. Which shocked me and I told her how our parents told me they paid for everything for her; books, groceries, her apartment, etc. That means there's about $50,000 from the sale of the house that's currently unaccounted for.
• She did apologize for being rude to me the other day. She said she hadn't known about me owning my house and wouldn't have acted that way if she'd known I actually bought it. Our parents made it seem like they were just letting me live there for free out of the kindness of their hearts. And she felt jealous that I got to live rent free in a vacation home while she was busting her ass to make a name for herself in her field after 4 years of college on top of having a crappy minimum wage job. She felt bitter because she felt like I always ruined things for her.
• I asked her what she meant by that and it turns out our parents were blaming me for stuff behind my back to my sister for... practically our entire lives. Like the time they pulled her out of ballet class when she was 7. They told her it was supposedly because they had to pay for my glasses and couldn't afford the classes on top of that. Or when they wouldn't pay for her to join girl scouts with her friends, they said it was because I needed braces and that was more important than girl scouts. But I told her that dad's insurance had paid for both of those. So it sounds like they just didn't want to pay for her classes/girl scouts. And decided I was a nice clueless patsy to use so their precious baby girl wouldn't hate them.
• I've gone NC with parents. Not sure if Sis is as well. I sent them one text saying after this I don't think I can stomach speaking to them for a very long time, if ever again. And if they have any respect for me they'll not try to contact me. Then I blocked their number and also blocked them on everything I could think of.
There is so much more but I don't want this comment to get too long. Any questions you guys have I'll try my best to answer them. But things are still happening.
tl;dr my parents have been using me as the scapegoat for pretty much everything they did that upset my sister since we were kids.
--------------
u/Father-Son-HolyToast found some more info buried in the comments about the sister stealing from OP as kids:
*OP hinted at it with this comment in the first post*:
>I wouldn't have let her stay unsupervised (there's a reason) at my house for for any amount of time anyways. I would have considered letting her VISIT while I was still there. But no, there's no way I'd have let her use my house while I'm away.
*People were like... uh, hol' up, what now? What reasons? And OP explained it this way*:
>Up until I moved out of our parents house my sister was constantly stealing my things. It started when we were kids (toys), and continued into middle school (video games), and then into high school (electronics). I couldn't keep anything to myself if she wanted it. I had to hide any snacks I bought and god forbid I buy a t-shirt or jacket she liked. It would go missing soon after she saw it. Our parents never did anything about it ("siblings should always share!"). And like I know we're both older and there's a chance she grew out of her theft phase but I still don't want her in my house unsupervised. Years of having my things stolen doesn't disappear cuz I'm living on my own.
*In the update post, when people asked about the stealing and if OP raised that issue with their sister, this was what OP had to say*:
>I did actually. She seemed really uncomfortable with the topic of her theft but I told her I felt like I deserved to know why she did that to me over and over when we lived together. She eventually broke down and admitted that at first it was because of her being mad at me for 'ruining things' for her. So she wanted to upset me like she'd been upset. But then she said our parents didn't really punish her, they didn't care and acted like it didn't matter so she just kept taking my stuff. I told her that regardless of her reasons for taking my stuff, the theft was a major reason why I didn't want her in my house without me or my gf there. She said if it helps at all, she doesn't steal anymore. Not since her second year of college. She told me she got a taste of her own medicine but wouldn't specify how. I think whatever it was it was embarrassing for her. I'm really curious what happened but we're still trying to get to know each other again so I don't want to pry and come off as nosy. | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/o78ks5/op_wants_to_honeymoon_in_ops_home/ | o78ks5 | 10,175 | 955 | [
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2021-06-24T20:58:47 | One of the most famous AskAManager letters: the story of a woman who, as she puts it, has a "job [that] is a nightmare built on a hellmouth" [warning: settle in, this one is LONG] | EXTERNAL: AskAManager | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.askamanager.org/2018/10/my-new-job-is-a-nightmare-built-on-a-hellmouth.html) appeared on the AskAManager blog, not Reddit.*
I spent almost seven years in property management before vowing to never, ever, ever go back. I don’t know if it is just my local market or if it is like this everywhere, but in the course of working for several different companies I encountered everything from sexual discrimination, retaliation, and a whole host of other crazy, unacceptable things culminating in being fired by a manager because she thought I might try to take her job.
After that (and my vow to get as far away from property management as possible) I was lucky enough to be offered a great job as a project manager at a local printing and direct mail company. I loved working there, not because I was on fire for the industry, but because I got to use problem solving skills daily, I liked having a lot of interaction with various departments and coworkers, I got treated like a human being by everyone, and I didn’t have to worry about any of the crazy shenanigans that seem to plague my old field. Unfortunately, I was unlucky enough to be the last project manager hired before an extreme slowdown in their business, and after just shy of a year I was laid off.
I was terrified when it happened. I had been unemployed for a stretch before that job, and my savings still hadn’t recovered from that. The day I got laid off, I called a former manager of mine (one of the good ones) from my not-so-long-ago property management days because she was always one of the most plugged-in networkers in town. I was absolutely floored when, the very next day, she offered me a position as her assistant manager at a nice pay upgrade from what I had been making at the printing company job. Apparently they were about to move forward with a candidate and then I dropped in out of the sky. She told me that both account delinquency and the paperwork at the property were a mess, and that she was in the process of retraining the residents (apparently previous management had been, um, not good and the residents were running wild), but that it wasn’t anything that I couldn’t handle. Even though I really never wanted to go back to property management, I felt that I wasn’t in a position to say no. And hey, I figured that maybe things would be different this time, and if not I could just do a good job for a year or so, save up a ton of money, and then move on to something I would enjoy. I went in legitimately filled with optimism.
Well, I am two months and 19 days in, and … I think I’m about to crack. It’s a nice looking property in a nice area, but I legitimately wonder if this place is built on a native burial ground, or perhaps a Hellmouth. In the short amount of time that I’ve been here, I’ve experienced the following:
1) Been verbally assaulted by residents in what I would consider an extreme way four times, two of which resulted in me crying in the back room after they left
2) Witnessed an unstable employee losing it/dramatically quitting and then coming back three times in one hour
3) Discovered an employee running a side car repair business all day, every day at work instead of actually doing work for the company
4) Been present when a dude high on meth and road rage followed my coworker onto property and spent an hour chasing maintenance employees with a bat and trying to break into our front office (this is one of three times we have had to call the police SINCE I’VE STARTED)
5) Had a resident I had never spoken to before walk into our office and then aggressively run up to my desk with no preamble and scream that I am a “bitch from hell” in a possessed sounding voice while throwing money orders for her late rent in my face
6) Been questioned in an extensive and vaguely threatening way by what turned out to be an unmedicated paranoid schizophrenic resident about whether or not I am “of God” before he left the office, had a full meltdown, and had to be handcuffed by the police and taken in for psychiatric observation
7) Been present for the hit and run of a maintenance man driving the company golf cart on property (he is okay)
8) Had a non-resident family that was crashing our pool refuse to leave and instruct their children to poop in the pool after we asked them to go (yes, they pooped)
9) Discovered that a convicted murderer somehow got through our criminal screening process and now runs a large number of sketchy illegal occupants (who may have something to do with a number of car break-ins and acts of vandalism that have recently occurred on property) in and out of his apartment
All of that is in addition to two apartment fires, buildings being struck by lightning, a host of just plain WEIRD natural phenomena, and EVERYONE HERE ACTS LIKE THIS IS ALL VERY NORMAL. But it seems like a LOT for under three months. I’ve never worked anywhere that has had a comparable volume of this sort of stuff happening. And as far as rest of the job goes, well … I cleaned up the account delinquency pretty quickly and have largely done good things, but frankly the training has been inadequate and I’m repeatedly being assigned numerous impossible tasks/deadlines. Which I hate. I’m also extremely isolated, as the front office only has three other employees and there’s this weird dynamic because I’m under the manager but over the leasing consultants. Everyone is pleasant, but it’s really stratified and it doesn’t seem like that will change. I’m very unhappy. It’s so bad that lately I find myself increasingly freezing and being unable to even complete simple, doable tasks (which really isn’t like me!). I have to give myself a pep talk just to get in the car and go to work (also a new, not normal for me thing).
I obviously can’t just bail, and a big part of me feels like a terrible person for wanting to head for the hills already when my manager just brought me on in good faith (at a great salary). But the place itself is terrible/appears to be cursed and I don’t enjoy the work. I honestly don’t think I can make it a full year. When is the soonest I can start applying for new jobs without looking like a total flake to prospective employers? How do I explain the reasons why I want to leave my current job to prospective employers in a way that is honest but doesn’t make me sound like a melodramatic crazy person? “Because if I stay I’m pretty sure that I will be murdered or possibly swallowed by the sinkhole that is inevitably going to drag that place to some netherworld/hell dimension; also, I would like to be given projects that are challenging but not unrealistic” is clearly not the way to go.
And finally, if I find a good, non-property management job, how do I leave without upsetting my manager, who will almost definitely feel personally betrayed? I’ve worked with her before, and I’ve seen her get touchy about things like this with employees at other properties. The person before me left the place in a shambles, and she moved me into that slot because she knows I’m trustworthy and loyal. I know she’s expecting me to be in it for the long haul.
---
[**First update**](https://www.askamanager.org/2018/12/updates-the-hellmouth-am-i-too-generous-and-more.html)
As I write this update, a faulty fire panel in our filing room (far from my desk) is sounding an office-wide alarm, and I am tasked with shutting it off while doing… well, work. It’s too loud to just let it go, but manually silencing it only yields one minute and thirty seconds of silence before it starts up again, so getting any work done is… challenging. Additionally, there is currently a wasp “situation” in the office, I had to decline going alone into the woods next to the property with an irate resident with a Unibomber vibe who wanted to show me the specific individual squirrel that he claims was harassing him two years ago and has returned in order to vandalize his new vehicle, and I have also just discovered that my increasingly unhinged manager has placed a two way microphone in my office by my desk. Yes, it’s another glorious day on the Hellmouth.
I know that sounds kind of bleak, and I was going to wait until I had a happier “New job, yay! And my last day is Friday!”-type update before writing, but I really didn’t want to let the holidays pass without taking the opportunity to say thank you. Because, seriously, as bad as the above sounds (and yes, that is all from just today), I would not be coping as well as I am if it weren’t for you and the ever helpful commentariat. I know it’s dumb, but having strangers on the internet be kind to me and offer me great advice, supportive statements, and also somehow reference all of my favorite TV shows really helped. Just hearing from an outside source that I wasn’t crazy and it was okay to make moves to get out of this job filled me with so much relief—it really helped me feel less like a trapped animal and more like a human with choices. Which has been priceless.
For those commenters who said that my manager was not my friend, and that it also sounded like some really poor management was going down at my property, I’m sorry to report that you were all very, very right. My manager, it turns out, lies constantly. To everyone. About everything. She also refuses to address staff issues, has been trying to force us to spy on each other (and, since we’re not doing that, has moved on to motion activated cameras and secret microphones), and has been consistently ordering me to do or say certain things to coworkers or residents and then hanging me out to dry after I follow her instructions. I’ve never felt so unsupported in a job. Or like I’ve taken so many crazy pills. And that’s on top of a lot of other just… BAD management choices. For example, I learned that a temporary maintenance worker that she wants to hire on permanently has been watching hardcore pornographic videos on his phone with the volume turned WAY up while at work. Before I could tell my manager, she told me and my other female coworker that one of us would have to give him a ride (alone) to the office Christmas party. I pulled her aside to fill her in and explain that neither of us would be super comfortable giving him a ride in light of that information, and she became very angry… with everyone except the porn watching dude. Who she still seems to be planning to hire on permanently. Not a good scene.
However, I’ve been applying to new (non-property management) jobs and am starting to at least see some movement, even if I haven’t unlocked the Shiny New Job Achievement yet. I had a really great phone interview last week for an entry level HR position and am also playing phone tag with the local university regarding an admin position, so I’m hopeful that I won’t be on the Hellmouth forever. I’ve also been practicing giving my boss notice, so when that happy day comes I’ll be ready to roll.
---
**What follows is a selected compilation of updates from the OP as comments**, *taken from a full list compiled by AskAManager user Seeking Second Childhood. This is a very limited selection of OP's weekly updates, to prevent this post from reaching novella length. Each week, OP would log the most dysfunctional or insane things that had happened to her that week, so there is a lot there! You can see Seeking Second Childhood's full compilation [here](https://www.askamanager.org/2019/07/open-thread-july-12-13-2019.html#comment-2559567) if you're interested in the details.*
An update from the Hellmouth, for those that were interested:
Many non-property management applications are now out and circulating in the wild (mostly for HR jobs). We’ve had to call the police twice since my letter was posted (first $3,000 worth of equipment was stolen, then someone tore the doors off of the garage where our a/c units are stored and sliced them up to steal the copper from them). While trying to have lunch outside this week I have had (on different days) things thrown at me by a squirrel, been attacked by a yellow jacket while tiny jumping spiders simultaneously jumped on to ME, and also had large rando bugs that MAYBE were some sort of shield/stink bugs drop into my lap from out of nowhere. So yeah, it’s basically more of the same.
The newest work challenge is mistakes being made in the system for the month by me because the manager left out key steps when training me on how to do certain tasks last month. Manager, however, says that I should have known to go and do these (never discussed, counter-intuitive, no-way-to-know-about-them) steps and that I need to be more careful because she can’t carry my weight. I tried to address the… no-ness of this with her, as well as the fact that many of the projects (or the deadlines for them) that are being assigned to me are actually impossible for anyone to complete, but the basic gist of her response was that I was just going to have to do better/be perfect and also be ready to take on more tasks. Additionally, she is doing things like telling me that I need to complete a set of tasks by EOD on 11/1 (which was also the date and time listed in the shared Outlook calendar appointment/reminder that she personally set) , and then telling me mid-morning on 10/31 that the tasks should have been finished no later than that same morning and that I had been aware of that (uh, no).
So, you know, not the MOST positive update, but hey… I’m actively out and looking!
---
I’m worried that things have gotten so bad at the Hellmouth (because they have gotten really, really, intolerably bad-like, I didn’t think things could get worse when I initially started job hunting, but I was SO WRONG) that I might say yes to literally anything that will get me AWAY from the Hellmouth. Any tips on keeping perspective and catching/stopping yourself from overlooking potential red flags when interviewing for new jobs after you’ve reached the point of ALMOST being ready to literally gnaw through your arm to escape your old job?
---
There is a new sticky situation on the Hellmouth. Last night I got a text message from my manager at about 7:30 (after the working day was done) asking for a favor from me. She has decided that she wants to write up one of our leasing consultants, and wants me to compile a list of everything I have ever seen that could be a write up-able offense. She wants me to include stuff from over a month ago or more that the manager knew about but did not address at the time. The reason for this sudden mission is that the consultant put in a request for time off in our system a week ago, and when the request wasn’t denied she assumed she was good to go and did not come in for the two days she had requested off. My manager did not contact her on the days she was not in (although she did privately fume that not denying was not the same as approving) , and did not say anything to her about the time off when she returned to work yesterday. However, she is telling me that she is planning to write her up, possibly twice, today.
I… seriously don’t want to be a part of this. I’m not saying that there are not issues to address with my coworker–but nothing has ever been addressed with her previously, period, and going straight to two write ups (the company has a 3 strikes policy) without ever even speaking to her about LITERALLY ANYTHING seems horrible. She asked me if I “thought [coworker] would bounce” afterwards, and it sounded like that’s what she’s hoping for. Any tips on how I can minimize being tied up in this?
---
The most notable Hellmouth happening surround my boss and two of my coworkers.
Coworker #1, who my boss was attempting to saddle with bogus write ups to make her want to quit gave notice before said write ups could happen. Instead of being happy about getting what she wanted, my boss instead had a sulking fit (I guess because she wanted to feel like she purposely made the notice happen?) and started targeting another employee. The sulking stopped as soon as she got a call from a friend of hers who manages a nearby property, though—apparently Coworker #1 applied there, was declined (and she told my boss the specific reasons she was declined, which is very not cool), and also that Coworker #1 asked them if they were hiring.
You know that bit in the OG The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, with the giant evil smile? That’s exactly the expression that was on my boss’ face (because of course she felt the need to relay all of this horrible information to me, and yes, I still feel like I need to take a shower). She is actively planning to make finding a new apartment and employment difficult for Coworker #1 in the hopes that she won’t be able to move off property, will be unable to pay rent, and will ultimately be evicted.
My boss also saw Coworker #2, who she really likes a lot, checking out a job search website. So of course she did the super logical thing: She told Coworker #2 that she needed him for a project, put him in her car, and drove him off property to some luncheon event that none of us knew about. And grilled him for an hour about why he was looking at the website, was he looking for another job (he denied that he was and gave her a plausible excuse that she bought), and so on. She later told me that tthis lunch excursion was a “treat.” My poor coworker privately referred to it as a “kid napping.” My boss also told me that we needed to be extra nice to Coworker #2 and make sure he got “lots of treats.” She’s started doing things like (real example) making him (unasked for) cups of hot cocoa with whipped cream, sprinkles, and candy cane garnish. She hands them to him in front of the rest of us (who are not being given special cups of fancy cocoa), and it is really weirding him out. He privately told me that he has an interview elsewhere. I’m crossing my fingers for him.
---
And now we come to the most dramatic and not okay event of the week: An enraged resident stormed into our office and angrily informed us of his intent to shoot any employee that even knocks on his door. You see, his wife put in a service request and maintenance came to fix it and he wanted us to know that even approaching his apartment would get us shot. He was very serious. He meant it. He expressed it directly to my manager and to the room at large. And then he went down to the maintenance shed and told all of the maintenance workers the same thing.
To me, this is a big deal. To my coworker, this is a big deal. To my manager, not so much. Her solution is just to non-renew his lease. Which is up at the end of September. She wasn’t even going to tell maintenance what happened, but the dude went and threatened them after threatening us.
THURSDAY: I caught my boss taking a picture of me and texting it to someone. It was …not okay. I was too stunned to even know what to do at first, but after a few minutes I finally had the wherewithal to say “Um, Boss? Did you just… take my picture and text it to someone?” She then froze, and then said something about taking a picture of my office furniture set up and sending it to her boss (the regional VP), then gave way too much detail about what was in the picture and also listed things that COULDN’T have been in the picture because of where she was at when she took it. I also got sent out to an apartment where I discovered doors ripped off their hinges and a barbecue pit in the middle of the kitchen, but the picture thing kind of broke my brain and is taking up more space there right now.
*To avoid this getting any longer, I'll summarize some of the OP's other comments: OP's boss rearranged OP's office after she went home for the day, began planting hidden cameras and microphones in OP's office disguised as common office objects to secretly surveil her, and went on a rampage against certain youth-coded activities happening on the complex's internet. She was particularly hell-bent on getting Fortnite blocked on the network. The boss also screamed at OP several times. The squirrel shenanigans continued, and then one of the residents began shooting the squirrels. (Yes, with a gun.) The boss also pulled aside one of OP's coworkers and gave him the assignment of spying on OP and reporting back to her with information, and then began sabotaging OP's work by stealing checks out of OP's bank deposit bag and hiding them. There was also a rat infestation, an uptick in resident-reported apartment hauntings, and more strangeness than I have room for here. Follow the above link for a deep dive.*
---
[**FINAL UPDATE**](https://www.askamanager.org/2021/06/update-my-new-job-is-a-nightmare-built-on-a-hellmouth.html)
The last time I sent in an update I was still at the Hellmouth, it was becoming increasingly obvious that my manager was actually a lying jerk — and she was also setting up secret video and audio surveillance in my personal office, weird disasters and unusual phenomena were still occurring pretty regularly, residents were still being extra horrible, and I was applying and interviewing my heart out anywhere that sounded halfway decent. Well, things wound up getting much worse before they got better, and it took a really long time, but (spoiler!) I got out!
Things got truly bonkers before that happened, though. (I posted about it pretty regularly in the Friday open threads —an awesome commenter rounded up a huge chunk of those threads here if anyone is interested in watching me slowly lose my sanity.)
My manager went completely off of the deep end. In addition to planting hidden microphones and cameras all over the place (mostly in my office), she did all kinds of truly out there stuff (such as taking checks out of my moneybag and trying to hide them so she could write me up for not processing them, telling staff members that she needed them for a project on property before putting them in her vehicle and then driving them off property without their consent in order to interrogate them, declaring a War on the Children on Property, declaring a very problematic War on People Wearing Hoodies, who all happened to be POC). But that’s okay! Because my awesome leasing consultant got another job and agreed to go to HR and verify everything if I wanted to make a complaint. And, well, I very much wanted to go and make a complaint!
I wound up sending them all kinds of documentation — the timeline for the hidden check thing, photos of all of the surveillance items, dates and files for shady things that she did with resident accounts, in depth and verifiable accounts of her doing shady things to employees, proof of payroll fraud … just, a LOT. And after three weeks of waiting for something to happen, I finally sent an email saying I was still being recorded without permission and I needed it to be dealt with immediately. Well, suddenly the cameras came down and the atmosphere at work got very weird and then Hell Boss was EPICALLY FIRED. That whole firing story is pretty wild, and recounted here.
Once HellBoss was gone, there was at least no one actively trying to destroy me (although we did have a flood of bad online reviews from fake residents that were definitely her—every single one of them included high praise for her and talked about how terrible everything was now that she was gone). It was still pretty awful, though, and I had to do the work of the manager and two leasing consultants in addition to all of the assistant manager duties. And still had to work every weekend. Plus there were still wasp situations, giant snakes slithering through the office (non-poisonous but still… alarming), and scary resident situations (teeny-tiny sampling: someone got shot on the property, there was an unrelated car chase through the property when another resident fled the scene of a hit and run, etc.). Because of course they did. Although I was very grateful for the awesome temp I had in the office (we still text occasionally, she is just a terrific person) and I did get a foster boss who came in from a neighboring state for a few days every two weeks or so who was great (she became an excellent reference for me), working there was still the stuff that fuels nightmares. Also, shortly after HellBoss was vanquished from the property we learned that the property management side of our company was going to CEASE TO EXIST in very short order, and all properties would be taken over by a new management company … once they lined one up.
So yeah, I (finally) got the hell out of there. It turns out “company I work for will cease to exist by the end of the month” goes a long way towards making leaving a job before you’ve been there a year look a lot less flakey. So, uh … thanks, Hellmouth Overlords, I guess?
I took an interim job as a leasing consultant (a step down in pay and position, but also in responsibilities, which I really needed at that point) at a luxury property while I continued to look for a way out of property management and cooled my heels while waiting through the lengthy process of interviewing for positions with state government agencies. It was a really nice break/recovery period with a kind manager and pleasant coworkers, and the worst things I dealt with were jerks trying to force their way into the office an hour before opening, rich people being ridiculous, and rich white dudes finding a way to “casually” mention how much money they made or namedrop famous or influential people they knew every time I had to tell them no or explain why I couldn’t do what they wanted. CHILD’S PLAY, y’all.
I found my in with a mildly dysfunctional but friendly state agency as an upper level admin/HR liaison before I was even at that job long enough to need to put it on my resume. After being at the new job for about a year and a half, I got a call from one of the HR people who had helped train me back when I started. She had left to work for another state agency’s HR department as a manager, had an HR analyst position open up on her team, and wanted me to apply! Since moving into HR had been my ultimate goal since I left the Hellmouth I jumped at the chance. I secured the job, moved on over, and have been here for about three months now. I’m making better money than I did at the Hellmouth, everyone on my team is friendly and helpful and making sure my training is going well, my boss is incredibly supportive and kind, and I’ve lucked into an agency that is super funded and has a lot of extra perks. The work is very challenging and I still have a great deal to learn, but I really like it. And once I’ve been here for a year I will qualify for a tuition reimbursement program, and my boss has already told me that she’ll approve me for it so I can get a masters degree in HR. Hooray! I AM NEVER LEAVING.
I have seen Hellboss exactly one time since her dramatic exit, but immediately ran and hid so she didn’t see me. I do not regret this. I will do it again. I was worried about a frivolous lawsuit from her, but Covid shut down everything at about the time she would have hit the deadline for filing and I guess she had other things on her mind. She is apparently now working at a local property management company as a regional manager, which is a big upgrade from a property manager—no idea how she managed that but I’m not surprised as she always seems to land on her feet.
Also, [please accept this drawing my younger brother drew and sent me](https://imgur.com/d5572dec-de7e-4dca-86e2-8400c4e679a8) right after the HellBoss Showdown as a further I-can’t-believe-it-took-me-so-long-to-send-in-this-update apology. Fun fact: I asked him how he knew what she looked like and he told me he Googled Lovecraftian Nightmare and her image popped right up! | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/o79vlq/one_of_the_most_famous_askamanager_letters_the/ | o79vlq | 27,736 | 321 | [
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2021-06-25T20:40:32 | Redditors go to work on identifying the license plate of a hit & run driver | r/IdiotsInCars | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/IdiotsInCars/comments/m781lz/my_wife_got_honked_at_and_hit_for_this_hitandrun/) by u/colpat*
&nbsp;
*OP's dashcam captures hit and run* [VIDEO](https://www.reddit.com/r/IdiotsInCars/comments/m781lz/my_wife_got_honked_at_and_hit_for_this_hitandrun/)
My wife got honked at AND hit for this hit-and-run. Truly an idiot in that other car. Anyone ID the plate?
&nbsp;
u/KristofW comments:
Here is a link to the license plate transformed to remove all perspective and scaling. This makes it so that the license plate letters from each frame is now stacked perfectly on top of each other like a flip book.
All of data does not exist in one frame, from frame to frame some data is better in some areas than in other areas. So by removing all perspective and stacking the images and playing the image sequence as a video you can possibly make out more information than you can by just looking at one frame at a time.
Here is a link to the image sequence, you will have to load it into a software that can play an image sequence in a loop, the higher the fps you play it at the better (240+ fps). Make sure to stand back and not scale it up so large. Unfortunately it is not as simple as exporting and playing it as a video, you will not get the same results.
Each individual image on its own looks garbled, the magic happens when you play it as an image sequence.
https://www.dropbox.com/sh/7f99llcgpo4d9au/AAA_rQbdCWIcT_R-6hlogZW5a?dl=0
Here are my guesses in order of what I personally see as most likely to least likely.
TEC-4922
TEC-4022
TEG-4922
TEG-4022
&nbsp;
u/hugglenugget comments:
I ran it through AutoStakkert and see TDD 4022 or TTD 4022:
https://imgur.com/nl2Ilcm
I'm inexperienced with this program. Maybe someone else can get better results if they actually know how to stack photos.
&nbsp;
u/Proper-Computer comments:
TDD 4022 could be it. According to carfax.com it matches a 2014 Chrysler 200 Touring.
&nbsp;
OP: i think you're right. trying to get in touch with the officer now
&nbsp;
**UPDATE**
Cop just called me. He found the car with damage and the woman at the house admitted to the hit and run. Since there was an injury she'll be charged with a felony. Based on this info, he was able to find her. thank you, everyone! seriously, awesome work | bestupdator | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/o7w2zp/redditors_go_to_work_on_identifying_the_license/ | o7w2zp | 2,365 | 733 | [
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2021-06-26T16:27:22 | Confirmed my long-lost older sister! We are so excited (Dad included) | r/23andme |
Another fascinating story from the DNA subreddit, which includes what turned out to be basically a kidnapping by a social worker in the 80s. Dreadful that someone in a position of power could abuse it like that. Here is u/motor-momma’s story from r/23andme.
Confirmed my long-lost older sister! We are so excited (Dad included)
Kind of a long story ... my dad had a short relationship before meeting my mom. The woman turned out to be drug-user/mentally unstable and took off. Dad found out she was pregnant through friends. He contacted her and was listed as father on her birth certificate. Dad was communicating with social services/CPS in order to get full custody. She found out and disappeared.
Sister ended up getting taken away anyway and put in foster care. Her social worker also was the one who wanted to adopt her. Please note, it's easier to adopt without another parent to claim child. My dad finally made contact with social services. He was told that the mother contested that he was the father and told him that based on time he likely wasn't the father and told him the process to contest it was overly complicated and expensive. He wrote a letter to a judge telling the situation and received a response that his letter will be forwarded to her case manager (we still have these copies). Ultimately nothing happened, he got no help and gave up, believing that maybe she wasn't his, after calculating that she would've been born at 10 months.
Years later, my gramma tells me this story, and I ultimately find her on fb. We talk. Sister's been unable to unseal her records. Both her adoptive mom and bio-mom deny he's the father and said a paternity test was done. My mother and father both said a test was never ever done.
Fast forward a couple years, she messages me saying we should do 23andMe, just to know for sure ... And yes, results show that we are half-sisters. My dad is so excited to hear this news and they talked for hours the first time they connected. She is happy to learn that he wasn't purposely trying to hide from her. She spent years trying to find her father, following lies/fake names from her family, and had believed he was hiding from her and didn't want anything to with her. Now she knows that isn't true. She had been angry with her family already and believed they were liars, and she now has proof of that.
In case anyone is curious, this took place in California mid-late 1980s. Sister's adoptive family moved her out of state in the 90s.
SOME UPDATES IN THE COMMENTS (I found the one from a retired social worker particularly interesting!)
The new half-sister’s bio-mom is feeding her a bunch of bs saying she didn't know any of this. … In terms of court, no idea. I mean we're both in our 30s, so not much reason to. If sister wants to get her records unsealed, I'm sure it would help give her good cause; however doing that means she would have to fly here and do it in person. We both got 4 kids each, ain't nobody got time for that, haha. Though my dad is wondering if he has any chance at sueing social services for cheating him out of his first- born daughter and me out of having my big sister. Sister was also upset with her family, because when they lied and told her that my dad wasn't her father and that they had done a paternity test, she didn't pursue anything again until eight years later, and my dad's parents had passed away by then. Gramma would've been absolutely ecstatic to meet her. She was the one that told me about her, after all, and had also been trying to find her.
Someone commented that a social worker preying on a single mother and adopting her baby seems like an abuse of power, and u/InnerArugula said the following:
I'm a retired social worker and spent the last 20 years of my career working in CPS. This is an enormous abuse of power. Obviously it's rare, but throughout the years, I had colleagues who would complain about how negligent parents were able to have children but they couldn't. We also had several (local) high-profile cases of small children (usually babies and toddlers) who were abandoned in parks, stores, bus stops, etc. Whenever we'd ask the public for help identifying them, we would get slammed with phone calls from people offering or even begging to adopt the child, which is just not how that works. Generally, our main goal is reunification. This is usually what's in a child's best interest. Not necessarily with a parent or whoever left them, but potentially with other family members if possible, and we determine it would be a safe placement.
It just doesn't sit right with me how many people would try to use such a traumatic situation to get their hands on a child of their own. It's tone-deaf enough when random citizens clog up the phone lines begging to adopt, but it's even worse when it's someone in a position of authority and whose job it is to help people decides to use that position for personal gain. People can really lose their minds when it comes to children. | haaskaalbaas | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/o8e1gg/confirmed_my_longlost_older_sister_we_are_so/ | o8e1gg | 5,011 | 205 | [
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2021-06-26T17:39:44 | OP had put 12 years into working for, and then running, his father's family business. Out of nowhere, his father retires and signs ownership of the company over to OP's uninvolved brother. | AITA | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nxqo7k/aita_dad_gave_the_business_to_brother_so_i_left/) is by /u/throwaway____27.*
My older brother (30M) went to university and then worked in the city as an accountant, I (27M) stated to work for my dad as a plumber at 15 and went to college to get my qualifications in plumbing and gas, about the time covid started my brother moved back from the city and started working for my dad (55M) in accounting, my dad has been unwell for the last 4 years due to asbestosis it has been really hard on the family and he is getting worse but is still loving life.
I have been running the business for the last 2 years we have expanded and now have 50 vans in the fleet and one qualified and one trainee allocated to each van, covid was hard in the beginning but we have bounced back, my dad still works on tools with me on Fridays (half day then back to my place for some beers), Friday is the only day I’m on tools now as I’m doing everything to run the business.
well last month he told the family he is stepping down from the business due to health and wants to spend more time with my mother, and is giving the business to my brother and for me to step down from acting CEO, this upset me iv been with the business for 12 years, at the beginning it was only me and my dad my brother never wanted to be in the business said it was not worth his time and now he’s the boss, and iv been dumped back to a heating engineer with a £20,000 pay cut, he doesn’t have any clue what we do or how to do it.
I spoke to my dad and he told me that my brother deserve it for all he has done, that he has a family and I don’t and that he went to uni , a lot of the workers are upset about the decision and have told me they will go where I go.
I told my dad that if that is how he feels then I will leave and start my own business I have not spoke to my dad or brother since and have told them to never contact me, for the last month Iv had thousands of calls and messages from family saying some very hurtful things and telling me I’m ungrateful for what I have so AITA???
EDIT I want to say thank you to everyone for your kind words there are so many to reply to I will do my best to thank you all, to hear my father tell me in his own way he doesn’t think I’m good enough was hard and for my family to take his and my brother side was even harder.
In the morning I will contact the large clients iv worked with over the last 6 years I know we had some site postponed due to covid (big money), and will try and take them over I have 20 of my colleagues wishing to come work for me iv saved nearly all of the money I have earned over the last 12 years so think I have enough to get myself on my feet.
**FIRST UPDATE**
I want to inform everyone that I’m not starting a business to destroy my brother, as much as I want to iv spent almost 13 year build it and I don’t want to see anyone out of a job or for the business to die it’s about 0500 in England you have all helped me so much.
I will be going over to talk to my father about 0800 and take him out for breakfast and talk, I’m not sure if I will get a proper answer from him but I love my family and want my future kids to know them.
I will update after the events of later today.
**SECOND UPDATE**
as I said in one of the comments I believe my family had found my post and they did.
This morning when I arrived at my parents house my mum opened the door and looked like she had been cry a lot my dad came over to talk to me and we went out for breakfast, he didn’t say a word on the way there or when we arrived, when on the way back he asked if we could pull over and talk I can honestly say this was the first tile I saw my dad cry, I asked why he did this to me he said doesn’t know I keeper pushing and he finally told me he owed it to my brother for not being about for him as much as me when we were growing up and there was times my brother needed him but we was working.
I couldn’t believe it after 12 years of hard work that was his reasoning I told me father I had spent half my life working to do everything for the business and how he throw me to the side just because he’s son came back hurt more then I could explain, he told me he knows as they had been shown the post I put up, to my surprise he wasn’t mad he seemed remorseful, he told me my mother has been in pieces after reading the comments about how bad she treated me and thinks I will never talk to them again, my dad told me after reading it all he released he should have split the business between us as it will need both of us to keep progressing and apologies to me for never telling me how proud he was of everything I had done and thought I know how proud he was, but my brother has full control my father has no say any more and my brother would never go 50/50, he told me he wants me to go back as my brother will need me I told him that’s not my problem anymore after the demoted me and cut my pay I tried to make it work for 3 weeks but my brother wouldn’t listen didn’t believe I know what I was talking about telling me he knows how to fun a business, so I left why work my ass off there when I could do the same work and make more money for my self.
My dad broke down said that he had destroyed the family and should never had done what he did I don’t understand why I took this long to release I was a valuable piece in the company.
**THIRD UPDATE**
as I said I have had a couple of zoom calls with some clients today and they have gone very well, I have been informed that they we all be sending be signed proposal letters for the up and coming work, lucky the site start dates don’t clash that was one of the main things I was worried about, 3 of my colleagues have now left the business and have spoken to my dad informing him about why they left and that they will be coming to work with me under there own choice, to hear them tell me this meant a lot, they all have between 5 - 10 year more experience in the industry, at the moment I have all we need to start a new business with the 3 vans I own and tools I have built up over the years, I am looking forward to the new venture in my life and can’t wait to share this with my children when I have them.
Then I received a call from my father asking me to come over for dinner I was unsure at first but thought it was probably a step in the right direction, on arrival my whole family was there, I went in and the atmosphere dropped my mum wouldn’t look at me and my brother just sat there acting as if I didn’t exist, my dad came and asked me and my brother to come in to his office, he started to ask when I was going to return to the company as they need me in early Monday morning, I could not even believe what I was hearing I told them both I’m not coming back and have started my own company, and what dose he mean we you gave the business to him (my brother), my brother stated to lose his temper telling me if I cared about to company why would I leave, I have some very choice words before telling him that I have always cared for the company and spent 12 years of my life working to make it successful, unlike him who swans in and takes all the glory and that i will not sit there and be treated like that, I told my brother to f**k off so I could talk to dad, I asked what was this morning all about telling me he’s sorry but then expects me to going running back, he couldn’t even look me in the eye so I left said goodbye to my cousin, nieces and nephews and walked out iv been riding for about 3 hours on and off coming back on here to talk to people.
I just want to say thank you to everyone for the personal message, comments, rewards and all the kind words and encouragement I’ll try and message everyone but I’m exhausted and will most likely fall asleep.
**FINAL UPDATE** *(thanks to /u/MistahFrodo for tracking this down)*
sorry it’s been a while iv had a lot going on in the last couple of weeks, I’ll try and explain the most I can, so the new business is going very well we have a lot of work coming in and making good money, at the end on the year I will be looking at expanding so very happy with that.
me and my fiancé are very happy she is very busy planning the wedding of her dreams she wants me to wear a suit but tough lucky I’ll be in my kilt, I couldn’t be happier then I am right now waking up to her every day, she is there for me no matter what and has been my rock through everything.
Then my family my father and brother still refuse to talk to me and have told me they will not be attending the wedding even though they haven’t been invited, my mother has called my fiancé but hasn’t said much only to ask about wedding stuff and will not talk to me, my fiancé family have been amazing my soon to be in-laws have been helping with the wedding and everything else and I am extremely thankful for everything they have done for us.
My other family have now backed off and apologised and want to make amends for everything that was said.
Myself and my fiancé are set to have are wedding in November, we sat down together and have decided to trying to have children after we are married, we are both excited to be parents. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/o8fdik/op_had_put_12_years_into_working_for_and_then/ | o8fdik | 9,251 | 940 | [
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2021-06-26T19:21:17 | My girlfriend [23/F] is threatening to break up with me over a prank that I [24/M] pulled on her and her family. [LONG] | Relationship_Advice | ***Please remember, I'm not the original poster, I merely share the posts here.***
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/9j7596/my_girlfriend_23f_is_threatening_to_break_up_with/)
This past weekend was the big camping trip that my girlfriend would be taking with her and her family. It would consist of her, her parents, her younger sister, her aunt and uncle, and her three cousins and it was a big family trip that was being planned for cooler weather. My girlfriend told me all about where they would be camping and I decided to take advantage of that knowledge.
I visited my girlfriend's house to say goodbye to her and wish her a fun trip and when they all took off in their cars, I got in my car and drove to the campsite that they would be staying at. I know the area pretty well and I was able to find a spot to hide my car from view and I was able to navigate the woods and keep an eye on them while remaining hidden from view. When it came to nighttime, I put on a Chewbacca costume and ruffled it up a little to make it like wild and untamed. While the family was gathered around the campfire, I started to rustle the bushes. The family noticed, but they didn't think much of it. Then I started to make growling noises. The family was getting noticeably freaked out and then my girlfriend's uncle started to walk towards where I was hiding.
As soon as he got close enough, I jumped out from behind the bushes and started making roaring noises while running around acting like a Bigfoot. I shook their tents, threw lawn chairs around, and chased after some of the cousins. I heard my girlfriend's dad yell "GET THE GUN!" and that's when I knew I had to end the prank. I took off the costume, revealed myself, and the entire family was pissed. Long story short, I got yelled at my almost all of her family, and the noise attracted the campsite manager, who kicked me out after hearing what happened.
Today I heard back from my girlfriend for the first time since the prank and she said that she's seriously considering breaking up with me. She just said that she needs some time to think and that she'll let me know when she's made her decision. Now I'm just left wondering what I do. I'm thinking that I need to pull off a major apology and I need some advice on what to say to save this relationship.
[First Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/9jor4p/update_i_24m_just_offered_an_apology_to_my/)
I'm honestly really embarrassed and humiliated about this update. I almost considered not even posting it, but I feel the need to vent and express my frustrations on some way, so here it is. I really hope you don't think too badly of me and you understand what I'm going through after last night.
Last night, my girlfriend's family was holding a barbecue in their backyard and my girlfriend was able to talk her dad into inviting me. He was originally against the idea of me coming, but he was willing to let me come so long as the first thing I do is offer a genuine apology for the prank that I pulled on all of them.
I arrived in their backyard and everybody that I pranked at the campsite was sitting at a table and they were all clearly waiting for me to arrive. I sat down next to my girlfriend and I began my apology. I stated that my prank was ill-timed, immature, and thoughtless and I apologized for ruining their camping trip that they had apparently been planning for some time. I tried to make it as genuine and sincere as possible and when I was done, I waited for some type of response. There was a really long awkward silence as the whole family just stared at me. Then the uncle whispered something in the dad's ear and they both burst out laughing, but I couldn't make out what he said. The dad then said that he DIDN'T accept my apology and then he told me to leave. My initial response was a very loud "What the fuck?" and that made things worse. My girlfriend's dad kept telling me to leave and I lost my temper. I swiped an empty plastic cup off of the table and I said to the family "Fine, fuck all of you!" while flipping them off with both middle fingers.
As I was leaving the backyard, my girlfriend caught up to me and said that she was breaking up with me. She said that I was too "immature" and "impulsive" and she said that she wants me to leaver her and her family alone. I tried apologizing to her profusely. I kept saying "Babe, I'm sorry! Just give me another chance and I promise I'll be good! I promise!" I kept saying this over and over, but she said that she's given me "millions" of chances and that she "can't fix me". She then walked off and I did something that made things even worse. I yelled at her, calling her a bitch and then I started kicking and punching their wooden fence that separates their front and back yard. I knocked down part of the fence and then I left.
All of that happened last night and I feel like shit. Part of me wants to just give up on her and move on, but I also want to prove to her that I'm capable of changing. I want to promise her no more pranks along with trying to control my temper. What do you think I should do?
tldr: Apologized to my girlfriend's family over a prank, girlfriend still broke up with me.
[Second Update]
(https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9jpqz6/what_kind_of_trouble_can_i_get_in_for_breaking/)
Long story short, I got in a fight with my girlfriend and her family last night. She's now my ex-girlfriend and I lashed out and broke down part of their wooden fence that separates the back and front yard. Her father hasn't contacted me about it, but I'm worried that he's going to come after me eventually. What kind of trouble can I get in?
[Third Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/9lmdgk/i_24m_cant_stop_thinking_about_my_exgirlfriend/)
I'd rather not go into detail on this post, but the reason for the break up is on my profile and can be read there on another post.
Simply put, I can't stop thinking about my ex-girlfriend. I can barely eat, sleep, or do anything that use to make me happy. Last night I watched my first ever hockey game and I was excited about that a few months ago, but now I don't even care. I spent the whole game thinking about my ex and how she broke up with me.
She's all I think about right now and I feel like putting in one last effort in making her see that I'm a better man. What should I say to her? What can I do to get her to come back to Me?
tldr: Wanting to get back with my ex-girlfriend.
[Fourth Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/9pd8fy/i_have_an_idea_to_get_my_exgirlfriend_back_do_you/)
For those who may or may not know, my girlfriend broke up with me because I pranked her and her family by dressing up as Bigfoot and ruining their camping trip, but I think that since some time has passed, my girlfriend might be of a cooler head and I was thinking of trying to win her back in a clever little way that involves the Bigfoot theme.
My idea is to dress up as Bigfoot again, but not to scare anyone. I'm going to dress up, go into her backyard with an old stereo/CD player that still works, and play "Sorry" by Buckcherry. I'll play it loud enough for her to hear and I'm hoping she'll accept it and see it as a cute apology.
I know it sounds a little cliche, the whole stereo outside the window thing, but I'm hoping that the Bigfoot costume might be a new little twist on it and it'll be my way of apologizing for the Bigfoot prank. What do you think?
[Fifth Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/9pmwng/update_i_had_an_idea_to_get_my_exgirlfriend_back/)
After reading through some of the responses from yesterday, I decided to just go for it and get it over with. I dressed up in the ruffled up Chewbacca costume, grabbed the stereo, and walked over to my girlfriend's house at nighttime. We live in the same neighborhood and there's a shortcut through a little stretch of woods that I take from my place to hers and that's the route I took last night. I climbed into their backyard and I stood in their grass, holding up the stereo while playing the song that I had intended, "Sorry" by Buckcherry. The problem is that the stereo was an old piece of shit that I dug up from my basement and the volume wasn't loud at all. It sounded muffled and I didn't want to risk moving closer to their house in case I was seen.
But I wanted something to come from the night and I set down the stereo and peered into the window that I knew lead to my girlfriend's room. My girlfriend was just playing with her phone on her bed and I just stared into her room for a little while. I guess I was caught up in staring at her since I hadn't seen her in a few weeks and I didn't realize that I had been staring in their for a long time. I turned to leave, but I saw one of her neighbors out on their porch, looking directly at me and they were on their phone. My first thought was that they were probably calling the police and I panicked. I did something really stupid and tried to go in my girlfriend's house by pulling at their back green door, but her mom saw me trying to get in and she screamed. I then ran back towards the woods and I tried to pick up the stereo, but I really hurt my back while bending over, so I just left it in their backyard. The back pain was also shooting down my left leg and I had to limp away from the house and I limped through the woods back to my house while also cussing at myself over how fucked up my plan was.
The worst part is that this morning, my girlfriend called me and left a message on my phone. She said that she knows it was me at her house and that she's only giving me one final warning before she talks to the police about harassment charges as well as a restraining order. She says that she's "never" getting back together me and she told me to move on. Now I'm really depressed, which is how I've been feeling in the past few weeks. I'm physically hurting from my back and leg pain, and I'm emotionally hurting from my girlfriend's words. I'm just really upset and pissed off. What should I do?
[Sixth Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9ppoe2/my_exgirlfriend_is_threatening_a_restraining/)
My ex-girlfriend left me a message on my phone threatening me with a restraining order. It's just a threat at this point, but I still want to know what happens to my record if she were to file one against me.
Will it give me a criminal record and officially list me as a stalker? Is it something that appears in a background check? I just want to know how this'll affect things like me getting a job or something like that. Would this affect me nationally, or just in my hometown of Denver, Colorado?
[Seventh Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9px6rr/my_exgirlfriends_dad_just_broke_my_property_and/)
I won't go into detail, but I left a stereo of mine at my ex-girlfriend's house and this morning I got a text from her dad. It was a picture of the completely destroyed stereo next to a baseball bat and the message read "That's your head if you come near my house again."
I want to know if I can actually take action against him for this. He destroyed my stereo and threatened to bash in my head with a baseball bat. What actions can I take? This is all taking place in Denver, Colorado.
[Eighth Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/9pzu11/how_can_i_24m_move_on_from_my_exgirlfriend_23f/)
I've spent the past few weeks thinking about how I can possibly get back together with my ex-girlfriend, I've decided to just move on. She doesn't ever want to get back with me and I've caused enough trouble with her family as a whole.
I need to get over her and I don't know how. My older brother has a wedding in a few days and it being a romantic occasion is really going to mess with me emotionally, especially since me and my ex were planning on attending together. (It hurt even more to see that my ex was selling her dress and posting about it on Facebook) I can't get over the memories and all the time we've spent together and it hurts knowing that I lost her because of my immaturity and stupidity.
How do I get over her? She's literally the only thing on my mind and it has to end. Help me out please.
tldr: How to get over my ex-girlfriend.
[Ninth Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9tbfvf/my_exgirlfriends_dad_is_trying_to_charge_me_with/)
I know that most people have seen my previous posts on here regarding me and the issues with my ex-girlfriend and her father. He's already threatened me violently and as of last night, he's called the cops on me and now I'm awaiting a court date here in Denver, Colorado. Here's a prior post to catch up: https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9px6rr/my_exgirlfriends_dad_just_broke_my_property_and/
Last night was obviously Halloween and while I normally don't trick or treat at my age, I ended up taking my little cousin out around the neighborhood while my parents and hers were at a Halloween party. I also figured that I would wear my Chewbacca costume since I wanted to dress up and I didn't have any other last minute costumes. We walked around our neighborhood for a little while and we ended up on the same block as my ex-girlfriend's house. I knew it was only an inevitability that we would cross her house, but I honestly wasn't worried about it. I figured that her dad may not even be out to see us and all I'm doing is trick or treating. We ended up walking by her house and of course, both of her parents were sitting by their garage with a bowl of candy to hand out. I tried to grab my cousin and make for the opposite direction, but it was too late. I heard my ex's dad yell "I see you!" and he clearly recognized me. I just grabbed my cousin and we made our way back to my house without looking back at my ex's house. We got home, but almost an hour later, the cops arrived and they told me that my ex's dad wants to press charges on me for stalking and harassment.
I'm currently awaiting a court date and I think this is all bullshit. I didn't have any premeditated plans to go near their house, nor did I have any intent with their property. I was simply trick or treating with my cousin and we just happened to come across their home. The dad simply acts as if he's king of the block and he can dictate who walks in the area. What can I do to prepare for my court case? What arguments can I make? I wasn't stalking the house last night and I wasn't planning on doing anything. I simply walked by it while trick or treating and the dad threw a fit? What can I do?
[Tenth Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/9tnzh4/my_exgirlfriend_23f_drunk_texted_me_last_night/)
It's been a little over a month since my girlfriend broke up with me over a prank that was admittedly my fault. It was a dumb, immature move on my part and I've accepted the consequences. That being said, I'm now in serious legal trouble over what happen a couple of nights ago on Halloween. I ended up walking by her house while taking my cousin trick or treating and her dad saw me. He's now pressing charges for harassment and stalking and I'm awaiting my court date.
Last night, my ex texted me and she was clearly drunk. A lot of her texts were either gibberish or in poor grammar, but I could make out what she was communicating. Basically, she was "celebrating" me having charges pressed against me and she was texting stuff like "I hope you rot in jail" and "LOCK HIM UP!" I responded with texts of my own. I called her names like cunt and bitch, but she obviously didn't seem phased. But simply sending her some mean texts isn't enough for me. I honestly think that she has some nerve to kick me while I'm down while all she has to do is just stay on the sidelines while daddy does all of the work. I've spent all day thinking about how I can get back at her over this. Part of me thinks that I should just wait until I'm done going to court, but I also want to strike back while the event is still fresh. I'm thinking of one final prank. What should I do?
tldr: Ex texted me insults, want revenge.
***This is when the OP deleted his reddit and we will never know if he showed up to his court date in a bigfoot costume*** | Schattenspringer | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/o8h8jq/my_girlfriend_23f_is_threatening_to_break_up_with/ | o8h8jq | 16,339 | 455 | [
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