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2021-07-26T23:33:11 | The Feeder Saga | LegalAdvice | Originally posted by [u/FeederFeedback](https://www.reddit.com/user/FeederFeedback/) in [**r/legaladvice**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/)
Celany’s note: a number of the posts were removed for fear of doxxing and I found them on removeddit. In the spirit of following the desire to ensure that these people don’t get doxxed, I have left out some details of location. Although the relevant posts can be found on removeddit, I hope everybody focuses on the situation and resolution itself, and not figuring out who it happened to.
# Severely obese employee has been causing issues at my business. She told us it was medical, just found out she's a feeder. Help?
[https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/8pbnq7/toronto\_canada\_severely\_obese\_employee\_has\_been/](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/8pbnq7/toronto_canada_severely_obese_employee_has_been/)
Alright, so I know this is really bizarre and to be truthful I am totally stumped on my rights / what I can do as an employer in this case.
I run an event planning business. I have 15 employees and rent a small office space in a building with 4 other offices in related fields. Each business owner bought the building in 2005 as joint owners because our businesses intended to work together from the start and it's been wildly successful.
In 2010 I hired a woman we'll name Sarah. Sarah is a perfectly nice human being, and for years of her employment there was no issues. Full disclosure, Sarah has never been a small woman (I would estimate her weight around 230lbs when I hired her) but that was never an issue until 2016.
At the end of 2013 Sarah went through a bad divorce, and so when she met a nice guy in 2014 we were all very happy for her. She's always been a really private person, but she couldn't help herself talking about him around the office, and by the middle of 2015 they got married.
Around early 2016 was when Sarah began experiencing what she told me was health issues diagnosed by a Doctor. She began to absolutely balloon in weight over time. I never pushed further both because her health insurance isn't through my company insurance (it's through her new husband) and because my employee's health issues are none of my business. I assumed she had a thyroid disorder personally, because my mother had something similar happen at a similar age to Sarah.
Sarah keeps putting on weight, and putting on weight. Our office has stairs that lead to the main door and when Sarah could no longer properly use the stairs I paid for an elevator upgrade from our business only (we have a vintage building that had a scary older elevator) to accommodate her in 2016. I also purchased her a chair for her weight rating, a desk with more space, and have also at times been very lenient on our sick leave policy for her because I was still under the impression this was a medical issue and she'd been such a good employee for years. As a good employer I wanted to make accommodations for what I THOUGHT was an embarrassing medical issue. She did request the elevator be updated and the chair, but I offered the desk and a few extra paid days off when she said she was feeling ill.
Now is the part where this gets kind of bonkers, and a good time to mention I'm a part of our local kink community. None of my employees know this, as for my reputation locally me and my husband keep it very private. I was browsing Fetlife and came across a profile and INSTANTLY recognized Sarah. Her and her husband have a profile with MANY pictures going back to 2016 chronicling their "feeder" journey.
Sarah doesn't have a medical condition. So now I'm furious. I've spent about $9200 dollars in accommodations (elevator update, chair, desk) and another $300 in paid time off for this woman thinking she was ill, and she had done this on purpose and lied to me.
What can I do? Can I fire Sarah? I don't even want to look at her right now. If I fire her, can she file a disability complaint? Can I report this as fraud? Do I sue her?
We do have a company lawyer, however he is one vacation for the next two weeks. His partner said he may be able to look at this for me, however he is swamped and said he might not be able to get to it before our usual lawyer would be back. This is why I'm coming here, as at this point I'm considering even putting her on paid leave if I have to so I don't have to pretend like nothing is wrong for two weeks.
# Update to Feeder Employee.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/8pvsgf/ontario\_update\_to\_feeder\_employee/](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/8pvsgf/ontario_update_to_feeder_employee/)
**Edit: I've received a few messages and read a few BOLA comments saying I should out Sarah, even by doing it secretly. That is absolutely out of the question. Please stop messaging and commenting to that effect.**
Hey everyone, I *really* didn't expect to have an update so soon, but my husband found something new last night and I just spent 2 1/2 hours on a skype call with my lawyer (while he's on vacation, bless his heart) so here we are. I'd also like to thank everyone who left comments in my last thread and helped me come around to waiting for my lawyer (even if it didn't go that way in the end). The majority of you were really kind and informative.
Also my last post was at risk for doxxing according to mods, so I'm going to be much more vague with this one on locations / website data. Mods, if you want something else changed please let me know.
So, onto this weekend's events. Lots of people were saying my best bet at this point would be gathering together the evidence of sick days lining up with photoshoots, so I brought all my work files home and started to go at it. Eventually I got too emotionally tired and started crying, and so my husband took over to do some of the match up work for me (he was already aware of what was going on, as he was present when I found Sarah and her husband's pictures online). While I had taken a bunch of screen shots I really had avoided looking at the actual pictures out of a mix of awkwardness / anger, and fixated on the dates listed more. However, at one point my husband called me over and asked me to look at a particular set.
Because of our field, my office has a large store room where we keep items used for set up. One of her picture sets had been taken in this store room over the weekend and had a title somewhere along the lines of "Naughty Work" (but not that). To give a bit of an idea of how this was even possible, my building doesn't have key locks we have a code pad system. My employees all have the codes, and it's not uncommon for any of my employees to visit the office on a weekend to do extra work or even just grab something they forgot to take home. All of that data is saved however, so I then pulled the keypad records from our server and sure enough, her code was used the day before the album was posted.
At this point I'm ashamed to say I lost it pretty hard and started screaming at the screen. It took a few hours for me to calm down, and then I called my lawyer on his personal cellphone which he said is allowable in an emergency. He picked up, I gave him a short run down and he told me to give him a half hour to finish lunch and then he'd call me right away.
I laid everything out for him (he tactfully avoided asking me how I found this profile aside from "did someone send this to you, did you have reason to look for it, or did you find it accidentally?" which was nice of him) and then asked him what we could do. My lawyer has said we have absolute cause to fire her without worrying about a rebuttal of this being because of her "condition" / weight gain, and that the best thing will be to have security at the door Monday waiting for her with everything at her desk boxed up and a formal letter of her termination.
He then suggested something I hadn't even thought about, which was needing that store room professionally cleaned (they used a plastic sheet but still...) and how to recover the cost of that from Sarah, as well as sending off a take down request for the album as my company logo is visible in at least two portions of it. He did tell me any of the accommodations I gave her without asking for a letter of disability were on me and not pursuable. At this point I'll probably just get the cost of cleaning that store room professionally, and getting rid of Sarah, which is fine with me.
My lawyer said he will be reaching out to a friend or two for help, as he's never faced anything quite like this. I told him that I could believe that, and that I was sorry to have to bring this to him. He joked that it was going to be one hell of a case study someday, and that if I need him for *anything* else related to this before he's back to give him a call.
As for me, I'm going to take 3 days off work after letting Sarah go to process my hurt feelings like some of you suggested. Then I'm going to have to install a full camera system in my office space, start building a new set of HR policies and look for someone to fill Sarah's position.
Again, thank you all for the advice you gave me even though I didn't end up needing it.
# Final update to Feeder Employee.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/8qmxsp/ontario\_final\_update\_to\_feeder\_employee/](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/8qmxsp/ontario_final_update_to_feeder_employee/)
A lot of people asked to know how it went Monday, and I am both glad and sad to say Sarah has been let go without much ado.
I went into work early Monday morning and carefully packed and wrapped all of Sarah's stuff (she had a lot of knick-knacks), deactivated her door access codes and her employee e-mail/log in, took her name off all our official stuff as an employee and then was waiting with security when Sarah showed up for work.
I handed her the letter (checked and cleared by my lawyer late sunday night) and then the security guard handed her the box of her stuff. She opened the letter and quickly read through it and I watched all the color drained from her face when she saw the date I listed for the misuse of company property. I don't want to quote the letter too heavily for privacy, but it also said that she would receive her final paycheque via mail with the $200 removed for the professional floor cleaning, and that all material produced and resulting from the misuse of company property needed to be removed from any "online or physical media within 3 days" or I would have to pursue legal action.
At this point Sarah started to cry and it absolutely broke my heart, but she didn't make any argument (she didn't even say anything at all), but just handed over her employee badge and then she went back to her car sobbing without any incident.
I went back inside and broke the news to everyone else that Sarah had been caught in the misuse of company property and I had to let her go, and that a camera system would be installed this coming Friday. Everyone was pretty shocked, but I asked them to please refrain from discussing the incident as it was a confidential employment matter and they all agreed. Most of them just wanted to make sure I was okay, as apparently I looked a mess.
I'm taking my 3 days off work now, at home with my husband and our dog. I checked her fetlife account late Monday night and the photo set taken in the office has been wiped. Someone suggested I take my account offline for a bit, so I did (since I don't use it much anyways). I have cried a lot the past couple days now that the anger has pretty much gone out. Overall I still feel terrible about everything, but I suspect that will die out over time.
Again, thanks for all the sound advice and surprisingly deep support I received here. I know most of you are in it for the craziness of the journey, but everything you did is still appreciated.
# Update 2 -- Feeder employee.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/8s3k0m/ontario\_update\_2\_feeder\_employee/](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/8s3k0m/ontario_update_2_feeder_employee/)
So for those of you saying this wasn't over, I'm really unhappy to say you were right. At this point I really just WISH this was over, I'm so overwhelmed and drained. Writing it all out has really helped me out, and I know you guys like knowing the ending to stories so I hope no one minds another update. Again, thanks for all of your support during this. I do read everything in BOLA, I just don't reply unless I see people really confused about something.
Now onto the update.
Saturday Sarah's husband showed up at our building after dark, broke into the entrance way and was in the process of trying to break into our offices when the police showed up and arrested him. Thankfully the cleaner was in the upstairs hallway and heard him smash the lock on the door in order to get into the initial entrance way, then hid and called the cops.
According to the police he had a gasoline canister with him and they believe his intention was arson as retaliation for us firing Sarah. They wouldn't say much besides the base facts, however from what I gather (and also what the cleaner told me afterwards) he apparently flipped out when the cops showed up and was yelling incoherently.
The police called me and had me come into the station and relay my full story. It was awful and honestly really embarrassing. At this point they said there'll need to be an arraignment (which I won't be involved in) and then most likely a trial (which I may be required to be a part of) before we know what happens to him, but that they would update me as the case moves along when they can (like if he gets out on bail, etc).
The police are charging Sarah's husband with a handful of things (breaking and entering, attempted arson, apparently assaulting an officer and a few others) however my husband said we could probably recover the damages of the busted door as well. I also got together an emergency meeting for all the building / business owners and informed them of what had gone on (just the basics on Sarah's firing, not the details) and our business offered to hire a night time security guard for the next little while, which they agreed would be prudent. I feel really terrible about this now affecting them -- all of them could've lost their livelihoods. They were really nice about everything, but I can't help feeling like crap.
I sent all of this information off to our lawyer but haven't heard back from him as he's still on vacation.
We've still not heard anything from Sarah either, though all of her social media is gone (not blocked, we checked through an account she would have no reason to block) as well as her account on the website with the fetish photos. I honestly have no idea if she had anything to do with this or not.
So that's it. I'll see if I can update when everything is wrapped up (though some of you mentioned my lawyer may have me take these posts down), but if I'm able to it probably won't be for a while while the police and courts do their thing.
# [Update]Actual FINAL update to Feeder employee.
[https://www.reddit.com/user/FeederFeedback/comments/923c16/updateontario\_actual\_final\_update\_to\_feeder/](https://www.reddit.com/user/FeederFeedback/comments/923c16/updateontario_actual_final_update_to_feeder/)
**So when I went to post this to** [r/legaladvice](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/) **the moderators banned me, citing that this never happened. I apologize, said I understand if they don't want me posting but I'd rather not leave this without a conclusion so could I provide a picture of a redacted court document or something similar as proof? And then they muted me from being able to message them. So I thought I'd post it on my profile for anyone that would like to know what happened. Bye reddit!**
[First Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/8pbnq7/toronto_canada_severely_obese_employee_has_been/)
[Update 1](https://old.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/8pvsgf/ontario_update_to_feeder_employee/)
[Update 2](https://old.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/8qmxsp/ontario_final_update_to_feeder_employee/)
[Update 3](https://old.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/8qmxsp/ontario_final_update_to_feeder_employee/)
[Update 4](https://old.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/8s3k0m/ontario_update_2_feeder_employee/)
Now the post. **TLDR:** Husband is in jail, Sarah's parents came and got her, and I'm doing alright. Oh, and importantly we had the cleaner out for a nice day and paid her for it.
I don't want to post too much more, but I also didn't want to leave this hanging without a conclusion after all the people that rallied to support me here, so I'm going to be brief and not give as many specific details.
Went to court over the husband's attempted arson. Apparently he went off and was crazy while in lock up with the police as well. We learned that apparently when questioned by the police Sarah had no idea he was going to do this. He just said he was going to get take-out and left. He's going away for a while, so I'm not too worried there. Not everything had to come out in court according to my lawyer, and knowing Sarah had no idea this was going to happen I chose not to talk about EVERYTHING that happened beforehand when I gave my testimony. It was basically kept to "I terminated his wife for being in the office after hours for personal use unauthorized", I just didn't have it in me to ruin someone's life like that by putting what happened on court record. The husband also didn't say anything about it and was very quiet and meek in court, so I think his lawyer got to him.
Security has been updated at my building, all of the other owners were very nice and pitched in. We (being me and another female owner who was grateful our business didn't burn down) took a redditor's advice and "hired" the cleaner for an afternoon but instead took her to lunch, then to the spa, and then handed her pay for the "hours worked". She is a very sweet woman.
Someone (we don't know who, as it wasn't us) called Sarah's family in all of this. She had been estranged from them for a while. I've heard second hand that 2-3 days after the incident with her husband Sarah's father and mother showed up (they live 12 hours away). They stayed long enough to get permission from the police for her to leave the province, packed up her things and left with her. I have no idea where she is now or what she's up to.
I up'd my therapy, had a lot of anxiety over court but am doing alright now. My husband has been a superstar in all of this. This didn't blow up in the media or anything like some redditors suggested which terrified me, so I'm extremely grateful. My other employees seem to have pieced together SOMETHING of what happened but no one's said a peep to me.
So that's it, ended with not much of a bang and I am thankful for that. My business is alright and I'm alright, and that's really good. Thanks again for all the support. | Celany | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/osazs7/the_feeder_saga/ | osazs7 | 19,040 | 1,432 | [
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2021-07-27T00:11:48 | An ongoing series of eye-burning, nose-destroying farts from an unknown source threatens to tank the success of an international business deal. [AskAManager] | EXTERNAL: AskAManager | *The text below is a repost and is not my story. [The original post](https://www.askamanager.org/2021/05/someone-keeps-farting-in-important-client-meetings.html) appeared on the AskAManager blog, not Reddit.*
I work in upper-middle management at a large business and entertainment events company and recently we got back to regular face-to-face client meetings. Over the last few weeks, we’ve been having some intense and lengthy meetings in our office with a potential local client, which could really take our company to the next level if it works out. However, a rather awkward problem has arisen.
During these meetings, which tend to last all afternoon, someone breaks wind, silently, usually more than once. The odor is, frankly, overwhelming, yet there is not much in the way of any clear reaction from anyone in the room. I have noticed some people very, very discreetly eye each other suspiciously. But it’s quite a formal and stiff atmosphere, with several very serious and no-nonsense senior executives present from both sides, so it appears if people are just doing their best to ignore this rude interruption. During one of the wind-breaking incidents, a junior member of staff sat with her elbow on the table and put her hand over her hand and mouth trying to make it look like she was just resting her head, while another junior member looked uncomfortable but kept her head down and stared at her notepad. On another occasion I noticed one of the clients frowning and looking out of the corner of their eye, but frankly I dare not catch anyone’s eye, so I always quickly avert my gaze to avoid any awkwardness or, god forbid, suspicion.
Everything at our company is business-like and relations are generally good. I know everyone reasonably well on our side, so I had assumed the culprit was from the would-be client’s team. But imagine my horror when, after the clients had left our last meeting leaving our team to continue the discussion among ourselves, the silent boardroom farter struck again! I was incredulous — there were three senior male executives in the room and two junior female members of staff who were not always present at other meetings. So I am fairly certain the culprit is a senior management figure at our firm.
I’m completely at a loss as to how to deal with this. I’m quite ambitious and have invested a lot of energy into making this project happen. So I can’t believe that a senior company member is behaving in such a rude manner and potentially jeopardizing it by acting so unprofessionally towards potential partners. The potential clients cannot have possibly failed to notice the smell, and I can only assume they are simply being polite and professional by ignoring it. However, I am just afraid that there are limits to anyone’s tolerance and that sooner rather than later they will decided one way or another to end their interest in working with us.
This is just such a strange problem. How on earth can voice my concerns to my superiors?
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.askamanager.org/2021/07/update-someone-keeps-farting-in-important-client-meetings.html)
Thought I would give an update on the farting in the boardroom story of a little while back as the issue did not go away and things turned out a lot differently than how I expected.
So there were another 4-5 meetings. The farting continued, in some meetings it was worse than others. It did seem that those scheduled in the morning were less gassy affairs, although by no means did attendees enjoy fresh air for the entire duration of those. Despite the regular bouts of nostril-burning flatulence wafting throughout the room, it became clear we were going to be working with this client on a long term basis and the atmosphere grew a little more relaxed accordingly. On one occasion near the end of a meeting someone cracked a very funny joke, which provoked an outburst of communal laughter, during which someone, presumably involuntarily, let out an audible fart. It was short, not very loud, and if anyone noticed it they didn’t let on. However, whilst I couldn’t be sure if everyone heard it, it was certainly smelt by everyone. The eye-wateringly foul stench wiped the smiles off some faces and replaced the amused expressions of a few others with frowns. This seemingly brought this particular meeting to a slightly premature end as the most senior member of the client team rose to his feet and said without a hint of irony, “Well that’s probably as good a note as any to end on for today.” It was unclear if he was referring to the funny joke cracked moments earlier or the fart, indeed he seemed a very sharp individual who probably realized it was a perfect moment for ambiguity. But I have to admit the sight of everyone’s eyes darting around the room as people tried to gauge each other’s reactions to try and figure out exactly what he meant was an amusing one. But not as amusing as moments later watching senior management leaning over the table exchanging farewell platitudes and shaking hands whilst yet another stinking fart assaulted everyone’s noses.
It got to the point where people let their guard down a bit and became a little less restrained in hiding their reactions. An electric fan mysteriously appeared in the corner of meeting room one day, but it wasn’t used for the first meeting it appeared in, probably as it was an early morning affair with limited silent and deadly emissions. But during one particularly gassy afternoon episode a week later, one of the clients, a younger female, was sat with the corners of her mouth pointing downwards and using a piece of A4 to fan the air, trying to make it look like she was just trying to cool her face. Our director saw this, and asked the junior member sitting nearest the new fan to “switch it on please, seems its getting a little hot in here” with a completely straight face. On the fan went – but the speed was set on a higher speed than anticipated and all that happened was pieces of paper, meeting notes, and a newspaper were blown off the table and flew around the room along with the familiar pungent stench. Thankfully this was laughed off, and I took advantage of the interruption to suggest a break, as we left the office juniors to clear up the chaos. During the unplanned interval, I noticed our most senior executive had hung back to help reorganize the room. This was most out of character, but it turned out he just wanted to get the newspaper, which had been blown inside out.
Seconds later he emerged from the room and walked towards the gaggle of us who were drinking coffee and chatting in the open plan area outside the meeting room. He radiated a beaming smile as he strode right past everyone in the direction of the men’s restroom with the newspaper tucked under his arm. Seeing that he didn’t return to the meeting room for a good ten minutes after everyone else had, it didn’t take Sherlock Holmes to deduce why he had been so eager to get his hands on some reading material. This brazen and unashamed approach to bathroom business quickly led me to place him in the number one position on the silent boardroom farter suspect list. I also especially noted there were no more silent-but-deadly interruptions for the remainder of that meeting, which went on for a further three hours or so.
During our very last meeting, which was to seal the deal, there was an awkward culture clash. We work in a multi-national office in a major Asian city. English is the working language, and between us and the client team everyone speaks English fluently, but there is a varying mix of comprehension of our host countries language. All of our senior executives are westerners and unable to converse in the local language. I’m not a local but I’m fluent in the local lingo. During the meeting, two maintenance men wearing overalls entered the room and announced they were responding to a report of a fault in the ventilation system. But both the workers were not fluent in English, so I did some on the spot interpretation, to which our most senior executive replied, “Please tell the janitors the air con and ventilation system are working fine, we have important business to conclude today.”
I duly interpreted. But the workman, not at all concerned with the subtleties of boardroom etiquette, bluntly replied in the local vernacular “There’s no ventilation problem? It smells like shit in here!” which basically caused the half of the room who could understand to laugh and the other half to respond with smiles and looks of curiosity as to what exactly was said. Thinking on my feet I didn’t translate anything back to my side, but urged the maintenance guys to come back in a few hours because it was a really important meeting and we really had to get on with it. It was a ruse which seemed to impress the client executive who is also fluent in that language, and offered my side a way to continue without drawing more attention to the constant bad smells than was necessary.
The deal ended up being signed off and it was decided both teams would go out for dinner and drinks to celebrate. Sure enough the drinks flowed and both sides let their hair down as the night drew on. Whilst chatting with one of the clients, someone of similar level to myself, and with a few drinks in me, I couldn’t help but bring up the farting issue. The client replied, “Oh, that was our boss, we’re soooooo sorry about that! He’s a great guy but sits there in our office telling dick and fart jokes all day, he says it’s an example of “thinking out of the box” to make our team more relaxed comfortable with each other. So after each meeting we were telling him to quit passing gas. He would deny it each time but the whole thing had just became a running joke for our team so we just rolled with it, sorry!”
Very surprised by this revelation, and at the level of humor coming from such an otherwise professional and serious team, I felt it best to just laugh it off and not reveal real source of the reek. But emboldened by this, days later I ran into our senior executive’s PA (who was usually in the meetings) and asked her straight up if the guy had a wind problem. “Oh yeah,” she replied, “I’m glad my desk is outside, he just sits and farts in his office room all day and just doesn’t care.”
I ended up feeling like I was the one who had the problems all along — a keener sense of smell than most, not especially amused by fart jokes, and a little naive — seniority level and attitude to public farting are not necessarily linked! | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/osbp2e/an_ongoing_series_of_eyeburning_nosedestroying/ | osbp2e | 10,542 | 507 | [
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2021-07-27T12:00:20 | Short and sweet update about getting a pet fox | AITA | Originally posted by u/55koh in r/AmItheAsshole
**AITA for not wanting to go through a bunch of steps to get a pet fox?**
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hznujc/aita_for_yelling_at_a_wildlife_sanctuary_owner/gh2c6wk/
Since I was about 16 I've known I've wanted a pet fox. I've read up on them, know they're a lot of work and that many owners are irresponsible, and that they can be destructive, but I've known I want one anyways.
Now I've graduated with my degree, paid off all my debt, live alone in a house, and I finally started looking into getting a pet fox. I contacted a large wildlife sanctuary here (one of the only licensed sellers of pet foxes in my state) who have taken in many pet foxes that previous owners surrendered to them, and began the adoption process.
That was more than 4 months ago, and the woman who runs constantly made things difficult for me. In every phone call she seems skeptical of my intentions.
First I had to pay a large cash deposit to even begin the adoption process. Then I had to agree to have a background check and submit proof of income. Then I had to give a virtual home tour by some outsourced service to make sure the environment was "suitable for a fox," and pay for the cost of the service. I've had at least 3 separate phone interviews now where I had to answer a bunch of questions about responsible ownership and get quizzed on how to care for a fox.
I thought I was finally nearing the end of this process, when I then got told that the next step is purchasing 2 bottles of fox urine(apparently you can buy it online...I looked it up), place them inside my house, open the lids on the bottles, and leave them to sit open for a week. Since apparently "63% of new red fox owners surrender the fox within one year, and the primary reason is a lack of willingness or ability to deal with fox odor."
At this point I went off on her and yelled that I've been going through this stupid process for months, she has a fox, I have the money, why the hell can't I give you the money for the fox and call it a day instead of playing all these stupid games.
She just gruffly told me that she had every right to keep my deposit and withhold the fox if I chose to "behave this way", until or unless I apologized and agreed to her process.
AITA? I feel like I've reasonably demonstrated that I'm willing and able to care for a fox without filling my home with fox piss....
**Update in comments three months later**
Question from user:
Your update was deleted. What happened? I’ve been reading about pet foxes which is how I came across your post and I’m curious for an update. Did you decide against the fox? Was the urine smell too much??
Reply from OP:
Yeah I didn't get it - the smell was so awful. | stentuff | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/oslgiu/short_and_sweet_update_about_getting_a_pet_fox/ | oslgiu | 2,767 | 1,210 | [
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2021-07-27T17:50:32 | [deleted by user] | null | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/osrob4/deleted_by_user/ | osrob4 | 9 | 613 | [
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2021-07-28T17:26:16 | This was a pleasantly surprising update - "AITA for wanting to send my teen daughter to a weight loss camp?" | AITA | ***Original:*** [***AITA for wanting to send my teen daughter to a weight loss camp?***](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dxprju/aita_for_wanting_to_send_my_teen_daughter_to_a/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) ***Posted in*** /r/amitheasshole
My daughter (15) is 5'6 and the last time she weighed herself at the doctor's office she was at 238lbs. She is morbidly obese.
She was always a chubby kid who loved food and hated activity no matter how much her dad and I tried to get her to dance, play sports, go on walks with our dog etc. she would refuse. I regret not taking her to a nutritionist earlier, but I thought that she would go into puberty and her weight would eventually be okay. Unfortunately, when she was 11 her dad and I decided to get a divorce. No special reason, it just wasn't working. We coparent well, we're friendly, we go on trips with out daughter etc., but the divorce impacted her negatively at first.
She started gaining a lot of weight around that time so we decided to take her to a nutritionist who recommended therapy for her. She initially lost about 15lbs but she was already very dependent on food. Now, she's a food addict. Her emotional eating was something she used to cope with the divorce until she adjusted, but now it's all about compensating for not having friends, compensating for not being ''pretty'', compensating for not being liked by boys etc.
She still goes to therapy regularly, she doesn't suffer from depression or another health condition that might cause her weight gain, she is simply addicted to food and at her vulnerable age, mentioning her weight to her makes her very upset and uncomfortable. Her dad and I both know this and it's been causing arguments between us. I'm a very active, fit person and I try to lead by example - no junk food allowed in the house, I cook as much as I can or I get healthy meal delivery - and this makes me the bad guy.
She's into the whole body acceptance movement and she sold the story to her dad who now allows her to raid his pantry and they eat junk together just so he wouldn't upset her because she's daddy's little girl. He's happy that he gets to be the good guy and I'm the villain who doesn't want her daughter to settle because I want her to live past 35. I encourage her to love herself, I want her to embrace how amazing she is but I don't want her to accept her condition as something normal that can't be changed. I'm tired seeing how miserable she is because of her weight and I'm tired of thinking about all the diseases that could kill her.
I found a great weight management treatment facility (\*edited instead of camp because it's very different from the infamous fat camps) for teens that's 6 hours away, I've done my research but her dad doesn't want to sign for her to go there from January to July. We can visit her and she can come home once a month, she can go to school there, make friends and get healthy. He says that I'm being a selfish asshole and that our daughter doesn't want to go. She told me that she will think about it but I think that her dad is loving his role as her superhero because they've bonded in the past months, and will encourage her not to go.
AITA?
**EDIT:** Lots of repetitive question and comments. Please look through my comment history, thank you.
**EDIT2:** Again, I've explained everything about this treatment facility, her current therapy and approach to her eating disorder, the fact that the choice is ultimately hers, yes we do have a dog and no she doesn't want to walk him, no this isn't a quick fix, no I don't think my daughter hates me.
**EDIT3:** I sound like a broken record, put please read through my comments before asking the same things over and over! There's a word limit here and obviously not everything fits in the post. The facility does have therapists, specialists, doctors and all types of health professionals. They do have ED programs that she would be a part of and she would be in touch with her current therapist because she has a hard time opening up to new people, so that would help her. I double and triple checked everything and talked to so many parents and employees, but it's ultimately her choice. My fear is that her dad will cloud her judgment by bribing her with food.
**EDIT4:** Thank you guys for all of your responses. I've received a lot of great advice, your own experience with ED, personal stories, support and empathy. I appreciate all of it. I'll no longer be replying to comments because I find myself trying too hard to reach people who are twisting my words and using them against me. Maybe I'll post an update within the next few weeks when something happens, but things definitely will change around here. Again, thank you all!
***Update:*** [***UPDATE - AITA for wanting to send my teen daughter to a weight loss camp?***](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g49inc/update_aita_for_wanting_to_send_my_teen_daughter/) ***Posted in*** /r/amitheasshole
Hey Reddit. So, my ex wouldn't even consider sending our daughter to get treatment for her eating disorder. We missed the sign up deadline and my daughter had moved in with her dad full time thanks to his encouragement. He was loving his role of the good parent, and I lost it when my daughter told me that she had stopped talking to her therapist.
Desperate, I filed for sole legal custody and a change of housing arrangements in my favor. My ex was upset that I did it without notifying him first and my daughter refused to talk to me at all. I was exhausted so I started therapy alone. My therapist told me to write a letter to my daughter and that's exactly what I did. 4 days later she agreed to meet me.
We didn't talk much at first but she was happy that I started therapy. She told me that she misses her therapist but her dad told her that she doesn't need therapy because she's fine. She also said she misses me but she wasn't ready to move back in with me because of how controlling and restrictive I am.
2 days later I asked her to go grocery shopping with me and I had set aside $50 for her to choose the groceries she wants to buy for our home, in case she comes back and to show her I was ready to change. In the meantime, my ex got served and my daughter and I went through another period of very little contact because of it. Mid February, she decided to move back in with me if I put the legal actions on hold. This was a smart tactic on her dad's behalf, I'll admit, but she was finally back with me so I decided to focus on that. I realized that I made the mistake of competing with my ex so many times when I should've focused on my daughter instead.
It's been over 2 months and my daughter hasn't spent a single full day at her dad's place. They hang out but she chooses not to spend extended periods of time at his house. She's been seeing her therapist since moving back in and she's in a better place now. It took losing her for me to realize that I needed to change too in order to improve our relationship. I learned to relax more and stop being so tense and constantly moving, and she is starting to understand that I'm doing all I can in her favor.
She's decided that she wants to lose weight (23lbs down) and is hoping to improve her health before college. We have snacks, pizza night and we bake a dessert together every weekend. Those things I would never allow before, but we're both learning balance. She still doesn't like to exercise but we do go on late night walks around the block and she's doing more chores.
Our relationship has never been this genuine. We have a long way ahead and I'm preparing for the low points that are bound to happen, especially with her dad, but I'm appreciating what we have now.
Edit: Just a quick edit to say thank you for all of your kind, supportive and informative comments, I appreciate it. I apologize if I don't respond to everyone.
Edit2: She follows the approach of intuitive eating combined with balanced meals that don't deprive her of any food type. This way, she's learning the concept of balance and abandoning the concept of food as a coping mechanism or a punishing tool.
As far as physical activity goes, I'll definitely talk to her and see if she likes any of the recommendations you have given. While I agree that weight loss can be achieved even without physical activity, I think that abandoning her sedentary lifestyle step by step (literally) is another way of getting healthier since weight loss isn't a primary goal.
I don't have much else to say about her dad other than the fact that I've just recently, with the help of my therapist, realized that he's a classic Disney dad. I know some of you think it's wrong of me to take him to court, but I would stop at nothing to help my kid. I wasn't going to sit back and let him baby her into death and self loathing while removing her from my life.
If you have more questions, chances are I've answered them already so read through my replies! | almostselfrealised | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/otem1u/this_was_a_pleasantly_surprising_update_aita_for/ | otem1u | 9,020 | 838 | [
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2021-07-29T02:29:09 | Guy feels like an AH for refusing to allow a "friend" to crash on his couch | AITA | [Original Post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ojbjno/aita_for_refusing_to_allow_a_friend_to_crash_on/)
AITA for refusing to allow a friend to crash on my couch?
I recently moved into a penthouse apartment (it's not all it's cracked up to be, it's called the 'penthouse' but it's just a 2 bedroom apartment about twice the size the usual ones, located on the roof of my apt building), and have been trying to put my life back together.
Part of the problem, before moving into this place, is I was letting people practically walk all over me and get away with damn near everything, under the pretense of them being my "room mates". IE they could do pretty much what they wanted, as long as they paid their part of the rent (or so they said). I started going to therapy to help with some of the problems I was having, and part of that therapy was for me to move out. It was pure chance that I got where I am now, and I couldn't be happier.
However, one of the former "room mates" got kicked out of the apartment I left after he got a number of noise complaints. Mostly due to his own anger issues and yelling at the top of his lung that anyone on youtube, tv, or the news who annoyed him, should be shot, or something worse.
Now, he doesn't specifically know where I live, just that I've more space than I did before. So he called me up and asked me if he could crash at my place until he could get an apartment of his own. I said no. This was fine, until yesterday when he started calling me and saying that since I lived in a penthouse, that meant I had space, so I needed to let him stay with me. I repeated my previous No, and he called me all manner of things before hanging up. Now, through our mutual friends, I'm being told that I'm being an asshole here, since I do have the space to spare, and it's unlikely there'd be a noise complaint since I don't have any neighbors per se. I just don't want to do something that may lead to the problems I left, but I can't help but kinda see some of their reasoning.
Am I the Asshole here, and what would be a better way to explain things to people giving me crap about it?
[Update Post 1 Week Later](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/opjzvo/update_aita_for_refusing_to_allow_a_friend_to/)
I took the advice presented by many in the comments, and made it clear to the people calling me an asshole for not letting my former room mate crash on my couch; that if they were so worried about him, then they should let him. One of the mutual friends stepped in, and set some rules for him. Specifically that it was only temporary, and that he was going to need to make a serious effort into securing housing for himself.
Part of that, as I understand it, was enrolling in a special program where he would attend regular treatment at a mental welfare group, and would work with a case worker about getting everything set up for him. The goal of the program being to provide a special voucher if the person were making an obvious, and visible, effort to fix the problems that had either caused them to be homeless; or on the way to becoming it.
He's refusing to go, claiming that they don't really help anyone, and that it's just a waste of time for him to bother going. I've blocked him on all social media outlets, but that hasn't stopped him trying to contact me. The friend who took him in has come to understand why I had to distance myself from that situation, and he is already on very thin ice with them, due to his sheer laziness about everything. They try to get him help, and he's refusing to do it. He's also refusing to leave their house now, and seems to be holding out this hope that I'll get lonely and ask for him to come join me. It's as if he honestly can't understand that I don't want anything to do with him.
Having said that, I think they're going to give him a second chance with the case workers, but if he keeps refusing to go, I fully expect him to be kicked out on the street once more. I do know that everyone in our friend group have started to back away from him, having seen or heard what the other friend is dealing with; and maybe coming to realize why I reacted like I did to his being kicked out in the first place. As it stands, it looks like the only person that may be willing to take him in is going to be his mother, as even his older brother has washed his hands of the guy.
I'll update further if anything more develops out of this.
Note: I have also instructed my landlord, and property manager about the issue with this former friend/room mate; and they have placed him on the "do not enter" list. Meaning that if he sets foot on the property, they will refuse entry, and if he doesn't leave, they will trespass him from the property. It's a safety measure they usually take with domestic violence situations (married couples, or otherwise), but feel that given my history I fit the bill to qualify for such protection.
*Found in the comments:*
*Commenter*:
" Just one week with him on someone else’s couch and they all realize what an asshole the guy is.
Good for you on not caving, OP. Hopefully you got a lot of apologies from some of those “friends”. "
*OP's Reply:*
"Most aren't talking to me any more. I figure I can live without them. I'm only posting the update now, as I have a meeting with my therapist in a couple hours, and expect we'll bring this up." | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/otonkc/guy_feels_like_an_ah_for_refusing_to_allow_a/ | otonkc | 5,416 | 694 | [
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2021-07-29T17:06:41 | OP anonymously blew the whistle on her outrageously racist, bullying co-worker, but nothing happened, and now the bully is targeting an innocent colleague who she thinks is the one who complained. [AskAManager] | EXTERNAL: AskAManager | *This is a repost. [The original post](https://www.askamanager.org/2018/09/my-coworker-is-blaming-someone-else-for-an-anonymous-complaint-i-made-dress-code-changes-and-more.html) appeared on the AskAManager blog, not on Reddit.*
I work in a fairly toxic environment in the financial sector. Within the team are three women who are very close friends and have created a cliquish and gossipy environment. One of the girls in particular, “Jane,” has also made several racist comments that I find unacceptable. I unfortunately have an extremely incompetent manager who avoids difficult conversations at all costs, so although I have raised it with him previously, he disagrees that there is an issue and hasn’t corrected Jane’s behavior at all. I have challenged some of her comments at the time, but this often results in retaliation and I suffer from anxiety, so I’m ashamed to say I do often stay quiet for an easy life.
Recently, Jane made a racist comment that completely crossed the line in front of our team and two VIP visitors. My employer has a dedicated whistleblower line and I decided to call them and anonymously report this incident. They were appalled and agreed that this needed to be acted on, and said they would forward my complaint to HR. Our HR department then contacted my manager, who took my coworker to one side, told her about the complaint, asked her to “tone it down,” and considered the matter closed. I know this because since it happened a few weeks ago, she has been livid and loudly discusses it with everyone.
While she is now being careful not to say anything racially charged, she and her two friends have decided for some reason that they know who complained — and it’s not me. They are blaming our other coworker, “Sarah.” Their behavior towards her is borderline bullying — ignoring her or talking over her, calling her names behind her back and on social media, and generally making her work life as miserable as they can. She has told them she didn’t make the complaint, but they don’t believe her. Our manager has been witness to some of this and has turned a blind eye to it.
I am actively job-hunting to escape this, but in the meantime I feel very guilty that Sarah is dealing with the repercussions of my complaint and I don’t know how to fix it without admitting that I’m really the culprit. I know I’m a coward, but I can’t bear the thought of turning their bullying attentions onto me; I am already taking medication for my anxiety and if they knew I was the anonymous complainer, I think they would badly affect my health. Between my terrible manager and having already utilized the whistleblower line, I feel like I’ve already exhausted all my options. How do I fix the situation I’ve accidentally put my coworker in?
---
[**FIRST UPDATE**](https://www.askamanager.org/2019/12/update-my-coworker-is-blaming-someone-else-for-an-anonymous-complaint-i-made.html)
I wrote to you in September looking for some advice regarding a racist coworker I had anonymously complained about.
Thank you to you and your readers for your advice; I did end up calling the whistleblower line again. They promised me that they would take the issue seriously and follow up with the manager of the department instead of my individual manager.
Almost immediately, Jane quieted down. However, about a week later, our entire team was pulled into a meeting and my manager angrily told us that someone had been ‘stubbornly’ making ‘aggressive’ anonymous complaints about our team and that he couldn’t address individual issues unless we came to him personally.
At the start of November, I noticed that I could no longer see Jane’s comments in our team’s shift discussions on social media. She had blocked me along with about two thirds of the team, and word got back to us from other teams that she was publicly posting inflammatory comments about the blocked team members now that we couldn’t see them. Around the same time, our manager went on sick leave and nobody was put in place to cover him; the lack of any visible management seemed to make Jane bolder and she began openly making racist comments and pointed comments towards Sarah again.
In December, both Sarah and one of Jane’s friends, Anne, applied for a promotion to a management role. Sarah got it but had to work out a month’s notice period in our team until they replaced her. Jane and friends made a big show of ‘freezing’ Sarah out, and when she wasn’t around telling everyone that she had ‘stolen’ Anne’s job. This went on for a week or so while we tried to arrange our formal Christmas night out. When discussing the menu, Jane lamented that there was no chicken and someone pointed out that chicken was available on the halal section of the menu. Jane loudly proclaimed that she wasn’t going to eat ‘Muslim food’ and overhearing this, Sarah said “Wow. You know you sound really racist when you say stuff like that, right?”
Jane went crazy. She started screaming in Sarah’s face that she better stop calling her a racist, called her a b*tch, and threw a notebook across the room, while Sarah stood her ground and stayed perfectly calm. It was mayhem. After a few minutes, it calmed down and management from other teams started taking people into rooms individually to find out what had just happened. When I was called in, I mentioned the way Jane and her friends had been reacting to Sarah’s promotion.
Jane was told to go home for the day and in the end, she never came back. A few days later it was announced that she had handed in her notice effective immediately (I assume to prevent getting fired). I think her friends must have received stern warnings because their behaviour towards Sarah stopped immediately. Another management position came up and Anne put herself forward again; when she didn’t get that one either, she quit. I think she realised she’s burned her bridges here.
When my manager returned from sick leave in January, he told us he had secured a position elsewhere in the company and would be leaving at the start of February. It’s early days, but his replacement seems wonderful so far; she’s very supportive and the atmosphere in our team has already improved. However, my time in the team has left a sour taste in my mouth and as things become more professional I can see that I’ve let my anxiety and the toxic atmosphere make me a less than ideal employee (sometimes becoming tearful, making some mistakes in my work, and taking more sick leave than is ideal). I feel like the best thing all round is a fresh start elsewhere, so I’m still job hunting.
---
[**FINAL UPDATE**](https://www.askamanager.org/2021/07/updates-the-anonymous-complaint-the-biopsy-and-more.html)
First, a not-so-nice update. Remember I mentioned in my original letter that Jane was part of a group of three women? I gave updates on Jane and her friend Anne, but nothing of note happened with the third member of their clique until they both left. She regularly butted heads with new management and struggled with the more formal, professional environment that they fostered. I’ve been told that she was fired about six months ago after she was overheard in the printer room telling a colleague that her boyfriend and his friends were going to “jump” a female manager who reprimanded her. Whether she was actually arranging this or making an idle threat we’ll never know, but even if she wasn’t serious, I’m disgusted that she thought a group of men attacking a woman was a reasonable thing to suggest. I know that the incident was reported to the police, but I don’t know if any legal action has been taken.
The reason I was told this instead of seeing it play out firsthand, however, is because I no longer work there! When I last wrote to you, I was actively job-hunting. I ultimately decided I wanted to get out of the financial services industry altogether. Using interview tips from your site, I secured an offer for a part-time role that would give me experience in the industry I want to move into, and I used my spare time to study for some relevant qualifications. It was the best thing I have ever done. I was very careful not to bring any toxic traits with me; I focused on acting professionally and worked hard to polish my skills. Outside of work, I also started to actively engage with therapy to handle my anxiety better, and that made a huge improvement to my mental health. Unfortunately I was recently let go from my role because of the pandemic, but I’m re-entering the job market with formal qualifications and the offer of glowing references from my boss, grandboss, AND great-grandboss. Spending time working on myself in a healthier working environment means I am much more focused and more confident in my capabilities. I have a couple of promising leads, had a decent interview yesterday and have another one next week – I feel sure something good will come my way. :)
The last update I have is about Sarah, the coworker who was originally blamed for my complaint. She was promoted to a role that put her quite near to me in the city centre. When I saw her update on LinkedIn I decided to reach out and offer to have lunch and, when she took me up on it, I confessed to my complaint and apologised for letting her take the blame. She was so surprised she burst out laughing – apparently, another old coworker also confessed to making a complaint and made a similar apology! Sarah was so understanding and more than happy to forgive both of us for letting her take the heat. Her new role is a significant step up and she’s loving it so far. I think she’s going to do great things and I’m really pleased to see her succeed. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ou1lhs/op_anonymously_blew_the_whistle_on_her/ | ou1lhs | 9,658 | 1,733 | [
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2021-07-29T17:30:50 | Definitely not the ending I was expecting - "Landlord keeps making excuses for coming into my flat when I’m out." posted in /r/legaladviceUK | LegalAdviceUK | [deleted] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ou2326/definitely_not_the_ending_i_was_expecting/ | ou2326 | 9 | 58 | [
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2021-07-29T18:49:54 | Dyson helps reveal affair (pt. 1) | Other (type in sub name) | [deleted] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ou3o1j/dyson_helps_reveal_affair_pt_1/ | ou3o1j | 9 | 65 | [
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2021-07-29T18:53:06 | Dyson fan reveals an affair (pt. 2) | Other (type in sub name) | [deleted] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ou3q9a/dyson_fan_reveals_an_affair_pt_2/ | ou3q9a | 9 | 67 | [
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2021-07-29T19:32:55 | The word 'cucumber' is used 32 times - "AITA for eating too many cucumbers" | AITA | ***Original:*** [***AITA for eating too many cucumbers***](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i1q194/aita_for_eating_too_many_cucumbers/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)***. Posted in*** /r/amitheasshole
This is perhaps the most bizarre AITA post I have ever written but I’m honestly so confused. Like I feel like I can’t possibly be TA, but then sometimes people are too blind to see their own flaws so maybe I really am.
For as long as I can remember I’ve had this “quirk” I guess you could call that I never snack on anything other than cucumber. I shouldn’t say never technically since socially I’ll get ice cream or eat a few chips at a party, I’m not a picky eater by any means but my snack of choice has always been cucumbers. I eat pretty healthily anyways so a lot of fruits and veggies are a part of my diet. Since veggies are lower in calories I have to eat a lot of them to eat enough, so I’ll usually have some sliced cucumber in my purse that I munch on throughout the day and I’ll always have a cucumber in my car that I just eat whole when I’m driving. I go through several cucumber daily. Although it’s not healthy, I’ve had days where I’ve felt really depressed and overwhelmed and have binge eaten nothing but cucumber. I think I’ve eaten perhaps 35 on very extreme days.
Recently this “quirk” has begun to drive my (22f) bf (33m) of 6 months insane (his words not mine). He says it’s highly inappropriate to carry them everywhere with me. We spent last weekend at his parent’s lake house and I provided my own cucumber to snack on. One night before bed I was in my room knowing on a cucumber like a savage when his mother walked in. Under normal circumstances I never would eat that around others, I’d slice it up. She was puzzled, but chucked and said “my you do like cucumber.” My boyfriend later told me that I humiliated him with my childish and immature eating habits.
I told him that his mom caught me in a low moment, he was being ridiculous, since he eats a bag of chips everyday and I don’t bat an eye. He told me that chips were a normal snack and whole cucumbers were deranged. He told me I needed to stop eating cucumbers and that my behavior was becoming a deal breaker for him. I feel really bothered, but I think cucumbers are a weird hill to die and I don’t want to lose my relationship. So AITA?
Edit: I’d just like to add that my boyfriend has never expressed any issue with my cucumber habits before now. The incident in question was because around 8PM I was getting really hungry and I don’t know his family super well so I didn’t want to go rummaging/ask for a snack and I didn’t want to bother them by asking for a cutting board or something to cut up my cucumber because of well, mild social anxiety. So I shut myself in the guest room and figured I’d just snack on a cucumber quick. I don’t usually go hide and eat cucumbers haha. But then his mom walked in looking for my bf presumably and was a little surprised but seemed amused and not upset or anything. I honestly didn’t think it’d turn into such a big deal for him
***Update:*** [***UPDATE: AITA for eating too many cucumbers?***](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ie5lpg/update_aita_for_eating_too_many_cucumbers/) ***Posted in*** /r/amitheasshole
I didn’t expect my first post to really get any attention, so I’d like to thank you all for taking the time to read it and give your judgement! To those of you who expressed concern for my cucumber addiction/that I have an ED, I can assure you I am perfectly healthy! I wouldn’t consider myself addicted, nor do I have an ED at all, I just really enjoy my cucumbers. I can go days without eating them, I don’t need my cucumber fix, it’s just if I’m going to snack I’d prefer to eat a cuke. I would consider the amount I snack on cucumbers proportional to the amount my bf or any normal person would snack on chips or other junk food. I just occasionally eat more since they’re so low in calories. Additionally, I have had a few cucumber binges, I am well aware that those are not healthy, just like binging on junk food isn’t healthy. But that’s extremely uncommon for me, and for the most part I eat a well balanced healthy diet! However, I will talk to my doctor about it to ensure that it is not worrying.
As for my boyfriend, we ended up calling it quits. I was pretty hurt at first, but I think perhaps his huge reaction to cucumbers was indeed a red flag for controlling behavior. I think that he was trying to call my bluff, expecting me to give up my cukes for him, so the breakup took him a bit by surprise too.
How it went down was that I told him we needed to have a chat. I told him that it was unacceptable to tell me what I was allowed to eat. I added that if listening to me chow down on cucumbers was what bothered him (as some of you in the comments noted), I would avoid eating them when he was around. Apparently, the very idea of me eating so many cucumbers was driving him nuts, not the noise.
I decided to try and compromise. He’s a pretty heavy drinker and will get drunk pretty often. I know that it’s very bad for his health and I have expressed that concern in the past. I told him that I’d give up cucumbers if he gave up alcohol. He declined my offer, threw out a few uncreative insults and expletives, and I am now writing this from my mom’s couch with a cucumber in my hand and a cucumber in my heart <3.
I’m still unclear on why the cucumbers were such an issue, why I could never eat them again, why me suggesting he give up alcohol was such a big deal, among other things. But I guess I’ll never know now.
Edit: OMG thank you so much for the awards!! I’m so honored!! And I’m really glad to know those are hugs, I always thought they were judgmental Ewoks
Edit 2: I seem to have forgotten to add this as it was a common question on the original post and I’m seeing it in the comments now. No, I did not eat 35 of those mammoth cucumbers, my eating habits may be odd, but I’m not completely insane. I think on my last cucumber binge (which occurs super rarely and it was quite a while ago) I had maybe 3 or 4 big ones and the rest were the mini cukes.
I do buy a lot of them at the grocery store, but I have a cucumber dealer who hooks me up with huge batches. And for those of you upset at my use of the word “cuke,” [here ](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=c2yppNf8rHg)you go! May your lives be enriched :)
Edit 3: Just for some added clarification for those who think my boyfriend is completely justified in his cucumber hate and that I’m a lunatic, I agree. Sort of. If he had been bothered by the chewing or concerned about my health, I was ready to talk about it and work something out. I didn’t enter into the discussion for a fight or with the intention of breaking up. His attempted grasp for control over my food wasn’t even the reason why I broke up with him, but when he started shouting at me and called me a bitch (which he had never done before) I decided to end things. | almostselfrealised | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ou4ius/the_word_cucumber_is_used_32_times_aita_for/ | ou4ius | 7,037 | 690 | [
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2021-07-29T23:57:30 | Guys Sister Doesn't Want To Be Around His Adopted Son | AITA | [Original Post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ojzd5s/aita_for_kicking_my_sister_out_of_my_family/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
AITA for kicking my sister out of my family gathering after comment about adopted son?
Some feel I (32M) should’ve handled the situation but I don’t see how I’m wrong. Me and my sister (37f)are not as close as we used to be because of some messed up stuff that happened years ago. I had my son Jesse (9) pretty young. Months after that to my surprise my ex was pregnant again. Only I knew it wasn’t me because having an infant to take care of and provide for left me with zero interest in sex. And we found out it was my sister’s fiancé -ex now -that she was seeing behind our backs. It hurt. Worst pain ever but for my son’s sake I tried to get past it. I come from a family of half sibs too so I wanted my son to be close to his half brother (Keith).
Surprise, not only were they (my ex and my sister’s ex) horrible lying cheaters, but also terrible parents. Both got hooked on drugs, only escalated from there. He got locked up when Keith was 3. This particular issue with my sister happened a couple years ago: My ex got sick, she was scared of Keith ending up in foster care like her and I didn’t want that for him either. I legally adopted him before she passed when he was 6. Not everyone in my family was on board at first but he’s the kind of kid that is hard not to love so they warmed up to him. My sister never did. She hated that I brought the son of her ex fiancé into my family. And I understood why it was painful but Keith’s and Jesse’s best interest were my main priority. That’s how we drifted apart.
Last weekend was my birthday and had a small barbecue at my place. My parents have tried hard to mend things between us so they convinced me to let her come too so we can chat. I thought that meant she was cool with Keith because obviously the 3 of us are a package deal.
I asked my parents how would she feel about Keith, they said not to worry about it. Again I took it as she came around. Only she wasn’t told he would also be present. But how could he not be? He lives there. My sister got there and she was mad when she saw him . She very specifically said “I thought this was family only what’s he doing here.” Loud enough where he could’ve easily heard but thankfully he was playing with his brother.
My sister was pissed because my parents told her Keith wouldn’t be around. And I got pissed when she told me she didn’t want him here expecting me to do something about it. So I just told her to leave, and she’s not welcome here then. There was some back and forth from her and my parents. I didn’t want that kind of talk around my sons so still made her leave. My mom seems to think I was a huge asshole for kicking her out of my party instead of trying to work things out.
Like they take Keith somewhere out of site while me and her talk. But to me, what’s the point of us working it out if that’s how she still feels toward my son? Well this is still causing some conflict since I “escalated” the feud by making her leave instead of actually talking to her . AITA?
[Update 2 Weeks Later](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ou5gbe/update_aita_for_kicking_my_sister_out_of_my/)
I actually wasn’t going to add anything but figured since conflict has somewhat resolved why not. This issue was mostly on my parents and I decided to contact my sister to discuss what to do with them. It was a very tense conversation. Really really tense. She was still very mad at me, lots of resentment obviously , I was angry at her for her reaction at my party but at least we managed to remain civil and kept the topic solely on our parents to make sure they don’t try to pull something like this again. We agreed neither of us will be in eachother’s lives - her issues with Keith and me not wanting to exclude him as he’s a big part of my life. And agreed that we both needed to speak to them together to get that point across.
When we met up with them, we told them they’re gonna have to accept that this is how it’s going to be. Do holidays and celebrations like we’ve done them before - separate, one of us not attending, or showing up after the other has left. And they are not allowed to push us into talking, ambush us the way they did again or that’ll result in losing us both PERMANENTLY. In the end they seemed to have got it. At least they apologized and that was that, my sister and I went our separate ways. Does it absolutely suck? Yes but that’s where life’s taken us. At least now neither of us have to worry too much if we’re going to get tricked into a meeting again- at least I hope not.
Oh one thing I wanted to address - my son. I did see a few comments concerned if Keith heard what she said or not or maybe he pretended not to. I kinda hoped that he just didn’t since I didn’t see a reaction but thanks for pointing that out.
Incase he did I didn’t want him internalizing that. Unfortunately yes he did hear. We had a whole conversation several nights ago alone. He didn’t wanna admit at first he heard her but you can tell from kids. These heavy stuff never get easy explaining to a kid. Best I could say was she was just angry and angry people sometimes say mean things for no reason. But no matter what he’s family. He knows he’s my boy and I love him and his brother does too . I’m glad he knows that, glad people brought it to my attention 😁
Glad to have gotten Reddit’s support and wisdom. I appreciate it so much. Not a perfect ending where everyone got along but at least now boundaries have been drawn and less chances of this happening again. | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ou9g7l/guys_sister_doesnt_want_to_be_around_his_adopted/ | ou9g7l | 5,706 | 445 | [
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2021-07-30T00:45:14 | Bombshell Update: Girl Whose Aunt Was Paying For Her & Her Cousins College, But Not Her Lil Sisters, And Didn't Seem To Like Lil Sis | AITA | AITA For Not Wanting To Share My College Fund?
I (19f) have an aunt "Amy" (38f) who I love and she loves me dearly. It's never been explicitly stated but between my sister "Kim" (17f) and I'm the Favorite Niece. I didn't really notice I was around my early teens but whenever I had an event my aunt would always try to be there while she was never there for anything my sister did. I got nicer presents, there are pictures of me in her house, and she texts/calls me regularly.
She barely acknowledges my sister and I never knew why. One of the reasons why it took so long for me to notice was because whenever someone would mention something about the different treatment our mom would brush it off, and since Amy was my paternal aunt I just accepted it. Fast forward to now and my mom sat me down and asked me if I would be willing to go to a less expensive school so I could have extra money to share with Kim.
Aunt Amy set up a fund for me and my two cousins, but didn't have a dime for Kim. She did this with Kim looking at me for an answer and got upset that I didn't give a definite "Yes." She accused me of not caring about her just like Aunt Amy and is refusing to speak to me until I give her half the money. I thought that this was wildly unfair and asked my parents why they didn't have their own fund for Kim since Aunt Amy was taking care of me. They said that they did but it wasn't as much as what Aunt Amy had for me (she's a smart woman who makes a LOT of money) and admitted that they had to dip into it to help pay for things when my dad wasn't working because of COVID.
I feel bad for Kim but I don't want to sacrifice my future college experience for it. Am I really being so maliciously selfish?
▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎
*People were going crazy in the comments with different theories. The leading theories were:
1. Kim was an affair baby and Aunt Amy was pissed that OP's mom cheated.
2. Aunt Amy was actually Kim's real mom.*
▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎
*Edit in the original post:*
ETA: Hey everyone. Sorry I haven't been responding I had to run out and do some errands but I wanted to address some questions/comments.
Growing up I did notice that Aunt Amy had a bigger presence in my life and she always had some excuse for not being in Kim's. Ex: I have to work, I have prior commitment that I can't back out of, I'm sick, etc..
Yes, growing up I do recall that every now and then me, my cousins or sister would ask why Aunt Amy treated 3/4 of us differently and the adults would act like we were being ridiculous or just brush it off. I always took this as us "kids" just making stuff up and would trust that my parents, uncle, uncle's wife, or my paternal grandparents would step in and do something about it. Now that I'm older and starting to look back on things I can now get a better understanding that it was indeed favoritism.
No, it has never crossed my mind that I may be my aunt's secret daughter. It also wouldn't explain why she spends time with me and my cousins buy leaves out Kim. If all of the attention was just on me I'd be more inclined to believe it, but for now no.
I'm not gonna rule it out 100% but I'm gonna say no to Kim and me having different dads. I am older than her and my parents were already married when I was born. I don't believe that Kim is an affair baby because it doesn't explain why only my Aunt Amy treats her differently. If my entire paternal side treated Kim differently I would feel more inclined to believe it.
In regards to the fund itself. I've never actually seen it but I know it's there because my aunt says it's there and my twin cousins are already in college using it. I'm not too sure about the rules of the fund because I just trust my aunt but I will look into it.
I'm not saying that I'm unwilling to share ANY of the money. I just don't want to give up half I because I really want to go to my school of choice which is out of state and will be more expensive.
One of the main reasons why I was so reluctant was because I felt put on the spot and was being cornered and pressured for an answer, which I resent.
ETA 2: Even though I was out running errands I've given it a lot of thought and think having a sit down with the adults in my life to figure this out may be what's best.
[Update Posted To OP's Profile 2 Weeks Later](https://www.reddit.com/user/Green_Smile_8008/comments/otqdci/update_aita_for_not_wanting_to_share_my_college/)
Mods didn't approve of update post because it conflicted with their rules so it's going here
Hey everyone thanks for the NTA and ESH comments. I decided to take your advice and check to see if I could even give Kim any money and the answer is "No." Technically the money is in my aunt's name and it’s just designated for me. Yes, I know this was kinda stupid to not check before. Apparently there's an understanding that whatever money I have left over my aunt would just give to me so my mom's plan was to convince me to go to a cheaper school and convince/trick my aunt into giving the extra money to Kim. A plan that she waited until a month before I'm supposed to go to college (I'm starting a year late because of COVID) to get me to agree to. So apparently my mom wanted me to either spend a semester at my dream school then transfer or not go at all and start the application process all over again.
Apparently my dad was aware of my mom's idea and was against it and instead wanted to try and replenish the money themselves and asked behind his. They got into an argument and Kim blamed me for it. Also who ever said Kim wasn't my dad's bio kid you were right and wrong at the same time because my mom didn't give birth to her. I tried asking my parents and grandparents what the deal was between Kim and my aunt, but wouldn’t say. Other people’s comments were starting to get to me so I borrowed a friend of a friend's phone and sent a text to myself saying that Kim wasn't really my sister and took a screenshot and sent it to each of them separately to see what everyone would say. It was like throwing a grenade in the family because everyone freaked and I was finally told the family secret.
Kim's biological mother is Aunt Amy and her bio dad is my mom's half brother who's estranged from the family. I can't get into details here but I will say that the man was a monster and when my aunt found out she was pregnant my grandparents pressured her into just putting Kim up for adoption. There were complications during labor and my aunt was told she couldn't have any more kids. Kim was barely a year old when CPS approached my parents to adopt her. My mom didn't want to get pregnant again but wanted another child so she and my dad adopted Kim and my aunt was furious. She literally didn't speak to the whole family for years. When she came back she made it clear to everyone that Kim was my parents’ child and she wanted nothing to do with her. My grandparents felt bad for how they treated my aunt and supported this decision. Everyone did and secretly hoped my aunt would come around.
I'm blown away and now my everyone is asking me to help maintain the secret because "it's better to have an aunt that doesn't like you rather than have a mom who never wanted you to be born." While I do think that may be easier I don't see how this is something that can stay secret forever. | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/oua7u0/bombshell_update_girl_whose_aunt_was_paying_for/ | oua7u0 | 7,340 | 1,112 | [
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2021-07-30T02:54:07 | New FINAL UPDATE On Wife Wants To Re-Home Cats, Husband Discovers She's Lying About Her Reasons | null | *This story started 4 months ago in
r/AITA. It HAS been reposted here before but I wanted to share the final update in a new post so people actually see it. Because I'm lazy, I'm going to link OP's post history page here instead of linking each post at the top of each section. If you have read the first 4 parts, scroll down til you see the ●●●'s*
[Post History Page](https://www.reddit.com/user/UhOhSleepyThrowaway/submitted/)
AITA for faking sleeping all night to see if my wife is lying?
The past couple of months, my wife has been complaining about our cats. She’s been claiming that the cats wake her up constantly and that she’s frustrated every night that she “has to get up and open the door for the cats” or “the cats keep making noises” or “the cats keep jumping on her.” It got to the point where she started saying she wants me to get rid of them. I told her I’ve never seen or heard any of this, but she claims I sleep through it all.
She kept telling me she was getting less and less sleep and kept acting aggressive, blaming lack of sleep from the cats, and that if I didn’t get rid of them, she’d leave me. I legitimately started considering giving the cats to my sister, until I noticed something.
One morning she claimed she had gotten up multiple times throughout the night to help the cats. She listed a bunch of times. I thought it was weird, because I had been up until 4am, and she claimed that she “got up at 1am to open the door for them, and a few times around 3am because they were meowing and jumping on her.” I was in the bedroom the entire time while she slept, and I know none of that happened. Things weren’t adding up, so I decided to run a test.
I waited until she said she was going to bed, then I let the cats out of our bedroom, lowered my phone brightness, and faked going to sleep. I just laid there in bed for the entire night, bored, but I definately did not fall asleep. I made sure to make timestamps every 30 minutes on my phone through Discord just to be sure. I marked down every noise my cats made. One cat had jumped down from something and made a little sound at 3:18am, and one ate food relatively quietly by the bedroom door at 4:57am. Other than that, nothing happened.
Sure enough, my wife slept from 11pm until 9am, and that morning she claimed she had woken up “at least 7 times” to open doors and from cat noises and cats jumping on her. At this point I was pissed because she was clearly lying to me. I was exhausted and fed up with the lies, so I just bluntly called her out on it.
I told her, “That’s funny. I stayed up all night to monitor the cats, and they weren’t even in the room at all last night. I have timestamps and everything. So you’ve been lying to me and trying to convince me to get rid of my cats? Why?” She just sat there quitly shaking and looking pissed, then got up and left without answering. She came back hours later and ignored me whenever I talked, and when I asked her how I’m the bad-guy in this situation, she finally said that I was treating her like a child by lying about sleeping and staying up all night just to see if she was lying or not and that making timestamps and everything as if I was an investigator was “going too far” and makes me an obsessive asshole.
I did it because she was threatening to make me get rid of my cats or she’d leave me, and her claims didn’t add up.
So, am I an “obsessive asshole?”
Note: The Baker Act is a Florida law that enables families and loved ones to provide emergency mental health services and temporary detention for people who are impaired because of their mental illness, and who are unable to determine their needs for treatment.
UPDATE 2 Days Later:
My wife has been Baker Acted. She did not hurt herself, just said something concerning in public.
I got a call from the hospital this morning, asking me to head over for some “family therapy.” Apparently she finally wanted to talk.
I’ll be honest, I’m pretty pissed at the reason why she’s been so hateful towards my cats. It’s absolutely asinine. It’s nothing that anyone had suggested. She’s not cheating. She’s not sick physically or mentally. She’s not bored of the relationship and looking for an “out.”
According to her, one of the cats stepped on her laptop and ruined a story she was writing. She’s hated both cats ever since. I mean that sucks, but it’s not worth trying to emotionally blackmail me into getting rid of them.
I asked her why she didn’t just tell me the truth and why she’d been lying and refused to talk about it when I’d asked. Her answer was “Because you wouldn’t have gotten rid of them otherwise.” and explained that when she saw I wasn’t willing to abandon them for her, she took offense and made it a “goal” to have me pick her over them.
Sickening. Don’t know why she actually admitted to it all.
The woman with us asked me how I felt about all of it, and I just told the truth. I told her it was a nice run, but I’m probably going to want a divorce. I was asked why, and I told them. I’ve seen a new hateful, malicious side of her that I want nothing to do with. She was so set on getting rid of the cats over a fanfiction being ruined that she manipulated her husband.
My wife started shouting at me that I’ve betrayed her and that I’m “scum” for choosing animals over her. At least cats don’t give ultimatums like she gave. It sucks that she’s been Baker Acted and all I guess, but it’s for the best right now. She’ll have time to process it all in a safe environment and hopefully come to terms with it. Bad husband, I know.
I’m almost sure I’m going for divorce. I’m very worried about having her in the same house as my cats. I want my cats safe. I don’t want to worry about them being harmed or “disappearing.” Screw that.
I guess I’ll do what almost all of you suggested: “Keep the cats, rehome the wife.” Not how I wanted it to end, but life isn’t always nice.
If I may, I want to clear up some things from the original post:
I did not stare at her all night. We have a mute TV with subtitles playing every night. I subtly watched TV while paying attention to the cat sounds.
I’m not allowed to install cat doors, and she won’t let me keep the doors open. Apartment rules.
Why did I instantly assume she was lying? I’m unfamiliar with mental health/diseases. I know about some diseases, but ones that make you think your dreams happened? Tumors that make you see/hear/remember nonexistent things? Sorry that I wasn’t aware of those possibilities. So when someone tells me events happened when they literally didn’t, I generally assume they’re lying. Shame on me.
Update #2 - 2 Weeks After Original Post:
It’s over. A divorce is inevitable. She went full psycho. I thought her being Baker Acted would help. I’m sorry if this is all so confusing.
Right after the last update, I left her a message saying that I’ll be here to support her if she wants me to, and that if she wants her items, she’ll have to meet me at the apartment. I figured she’d read it when she got released. After she was released from the hospital, she texted me “im getting my shit.” I told her that her old key won’t work anymore and that I got off work in an hour and could let her in to grab her things. She replied “i dont think so.”
I rushed home from work to find my bedroom window smashed (I live on the second floor with no balcony). She had broken the window and somehow climbed the outer wall to enter the window. She took her laptop, headphones, and on her way out she had destroyed the cat litter box and the cat tree/bed. I also couldn’t find any of their toys anywhere. Thank you to those of you who advised me to have my sister watch my cats for a while. The cats are safe with her, and she doesn’t know where my sister lives.
I called her and she instantly declined the call and text me “what.” I told her to pay to replace what she damaged/stole, and she tried to be clever by responding with “no amount of money can fix what damage YOU caused. i didnt take anything either. you owe me a new laptop.” I never even mentioned her laptop was gone, so it’s obvious she was lying yet again. Thankfully we have a Tile account that lets us track items, and we both have Tiles in our cars. I found her car in a Walmart parking lot, and through the window I could see all of the stolen items, along with her laptop and headphones.
I just straight up called the police at this point. Long story short, we’re going to be spending a lot of time in court. Mental illness or not, I have no sympathy for her anymore. She broke into my apartment, stole shit, lied about it, and tried to get ME to pay for HER shit.
That’s ignoring the fact that she destroyed the litter box and cat tree. I’m 100% certain that if the cats were home at the time, she would have hurt, killed, or kidnapped them.
I do know that divorce is guaranteed. I’d also like a restraining order and money back for what she damaged, but that might be too much.
I’m just so done. I feel defeated. I didn’t even want to update. I didn’t want to deal with more messages about how she or my cats deserve death, or “this didn’t happen.” I haven’t had the will to do much of anything. I’ve even called out of work multiple days in a row. I just lay around the house thinking of what I could have done different. Was there a better ending for everyone?
Anyway, I hope this is the last update. I really do. I just want it to stop, please. Thank those of you who have supported me through nice comments or advice or even sharing your own similar experiences. It’s nice to know I’m not exactly alone. Thank you.
[UPDATE 3](https://www.reddit.com/user/UhOhSleepyThrowaway/comments/ndx3gx/update_3_aita_for_faking_sleeping_all_night_to/)
It’s been a while. I’m doing better, for anyone curious. My cats and I have moved into a new place and only my side of the family knows where I live. I’ve documented everything, and I finally feel safe.
She contacted my family by showing up at their home and threatened to sue me and fight a legal battle for ownership of my cats unless they told her where I moved to. Yes, she threatened to fight for custody of my cats that she abused. I have no idea why. My family didn’t fold, because she basically threatened them with an easy win for me.
Quite a few people that once sided with her are now apologizing to me after seeing how she’s been acting. I had to quit my job because she kept causing trouble for the company and they gave me the option to either quit on my own terms or be fired.
I have a new, better job that nobody else knows about, and a lot of friends and family to support me. I’m still a bit frustrated by all of this and get nervous when I get anonymous calls, but overall I feel much happier now. I even have someone interested in me, but honestly I still need time before I consider anything of the sort. I don’t want to drag someone else into stalking drama.
Thank you to those who asked for an update and who have supported me/given proper advice. I really appreciate it. I’m sure this will be my last update unless something else “wacky” happens. Peace.
*In the comments:*
Comment:
"All that over a ruined fanfiction, huh?"
OP:
"Yes, and I actually got to see part of it before she got her laptop back. It was a Jacksepticeye fanfiction. It was terrible."
●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●
4 Months After Original Post [FINAL UPDATE ](https://www.reddit.com/user/UhOhSleepyThrowaway/comments/or8sub/final_update_aita_for_faking_sleeping_all_night/) BELOW
●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●
I didn’t plan on ever updating again, nor even looking at this account again. That being said, a bunch of people on YouTube and Tik Tok and Twitter seemingly read my posts to their audiences recently, so out of nowhere my emails were flooded with notifications from this account. Not really what I wanted to deal with, being reminded of the messy events I went through, but it is what it is. I gave one person permission to relay the story on a small podcast or something many months ago, and that was it.
Sorry if I sound frustrated, as the memories being forcefully brough back are not exactly happy ones. It’s not as if I enjoyed divorcing my supposed “life-partner” after being manipulated/blackmailed by them. It was a miserable time of my life, but I did what I needed to for the safety of my cats.
My update is neither happy nor sad. Honestly, nobody really “won” here.
My cats were hurt and frightened by all of this. Having been kicked at, moving from place to place to place, losing someone that they for a long while considered their mother/friend. They haven’t been as playful as they used to be, and the youngest one had been urinating around the house. The vet said it’s a behavioral thing. She knows what happened and believes that to be why he’s doing that.
My ex-wife has been homeless/couch-surfing wherever she can. All I know is from a mutual friend. She got into drug usage from someone who let her stay at their place, and I don’t even need to explain how that negatively impacted her considering she clearly already had issues. I don’t know much of anything else, other than she never got mental help, because she refused it when offered. She also apparently uses an altered telling of the events that happened as a way of gaining sympathy from people.
I myself have a decentish newer job after I had to quit my old one because of her. I lost all those amazing benefits and such great pay. Luckily I have a new girlfriend. We’d been debating on dating for a while, and a few weeks back we decided to try it. We’re having fun for the most part, but I still have bouts of anxiety and trust issues after everything that happened. When she first told me she saw my cat urinating on the carpet, I almost had a panic attack and started questioning her. After I calmed down, I felt terrible. I’ve been going to therapy and I’ve recently started meds for a bunch of mental issues likely caused by all of this, so hopefully I’ll be back to normal somepoint soon.
As you can see, nobody “won.” Everyone is struggling in some way. It sucks, but it is what it is, I guess. I really don’t want to focus on this much futher. I’m going to keep notifications on for like maybe a day, then I’m turning them off and probably never coming back here again. I’m sorry if this update isn’t what you hoped for, but it is what it is. I’m sorry. | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ouc8tz/new_final_update_on_wife_wants_to_rehome_cats/ | ouc8tz | 14,434 | 1,099 | [
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2021-07-31T00:05:46 | Woman's Step Son Wants To Learn Her Native Language, His Mom Says No | AITA | [Original Post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mvlizc/aita_for_keep_sharing_my_language_and_culture/)
I have been with my (32F) husband (39) for about 7 years. He has a son from a former relationship (9) and we didn’t even know he even existed until about 5 years ago when his Ex (40) contacted him demanding child support. She admits the only reason she even let him know about the kid was because she found out we were engaged and she wanted to rain on his parade. After a lot of back and forward and legal shenanigangs we got sorta 50/50 (first was therapy, visitation, etc but we are now at 50/50)
Anyway, I come from Latin America and my stepson is really fascinated by many of the cultural things and the language. He has met my parents on their last visit, and he is really a lovely, bright and curious kid. He started catching up with some of the words and now we speak Spanish on a daily basis when he is with us. His mom didn’t have an issue until he started to ask if he can come to my country next time we visit, we told him we gotta discuss it amongst the adults but he is very interested. We got no issue, my family has said that he is more than welcome (I come from blended fam) and we would of course cover all the costs. She really dislikes the idea, but not because of the travel or anything else but because she believes we (I) are using money to turn him against her. There are many issues between them already because he thinks she is a liar for not telling him about his dad and yeah, its hard sometimes. But we talk a lot (s.son and I) about having blending families and understanding parents.
Anyway, she told me I had to stop encouraging/sharing the language and the culture in my house when he is with us and speak the homecountry language or English. I said no. I have been very passive through the whole thing, since the beginning, but I am exhausted of her demands. I understand she is his mom but I see no harm on the kid speaking Spanish like a native plus the other 2 he does and I see no issue with him travelling abroad and having more cultural connections, hell, I even offered to pay for her to come along with her husband.
She says I am a very big snobbish asshole and she is gonna see how to keep the kid away from me (not possible), her husband says I should be more understanding and not step on her toes when the kid already is not her biggest fan, my husband says he just wants the best for the kid and sees no wrong with him learning and travelling. I would like an outside impartial perspective about it.
[Update ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ohq9i6/update_aita_for_keep_sharing_my_language_and/)
I want to thank all the nice messages, the mean messages, and the realistic messages!!
Anyway...... My stepson is now staying most of the time with us, we had no battle or issue it is just what we decided after a preoper heart to heart conversation between moms. When the time comes where there is a possibility to go to my country we will discuss it again but at the moment it is a yes. The heart to heart was a very emotional complex talk but I felt it had to happen, she is after all part of my life forever and I want her to know she is the mommy no matter what. I saw a completely different side of her and I know it is not a magic wand but I have noticed the changes.
I am pregnant, I know I should not say so so early(I was already when I made my first post but didn't even know) but we are all so positive, and almost on the clear line.... Even my S.son's mom. Everybody has taken it as a celebration and the only time we had issue was when we talked bedrooms at our flat because my son thought he had to give his super nice one for my "true baby§ as he called it. But we assured him his bedroom is forever his unless we move.
My parents will be arriving in the next months and asked if they can bring extra gifts to my son so it is an easier transition and his mom said yes!! It seems somehow me having a baby has made her realized we are so linked or i dunno, maybe it was my husband saying he would not allow more disrespect lol...... My parents also asked if it was ok to bring gifts for her kid and she said yes as well, my Mom is the happiest person now because she is in full shopping mode lol
She has been very civil and even nice, and in response she has gained a better relationship with our son... I am convienced he is smart enough to orchastrate all of it (but I have mommy/baby brain)
We have agreed to raise them all as together as possible, her kids, our kids, our kid....I said I can contribute to the education fund for all kids if she allows me.... she said yes on the condition they all go to the same school ____ I want my kids in Spanish Kita, she wants hers in normal Kita____ I thought we would have WW2 again but her husband told her my kids will speak Spanish no matter what she wants and it is a useful language so ALL kids in our "tribe" should speak Spanish
AND SHE AGREED; I almost fainted!
Now we decided to divide care after daycare and Kitas(prekindergarten/kindergarten) and I will speak to the kids in Spanish so they are naturals. My son is the happiest because now he feels all his families are in sync and he can just chill and it makes me extremely happy.
In addition, she said my son can come with us if he wants but we need to let her know at least a year in advance and she is doing the same with us which I find reasonable.
***************
NEW UPDATE from
u/mariachimariachi
I know noone might see this but I got a couple of messages people found it heartwarming (some not exactly) so, we have little announcements and clarifications!!
She (son's mom) has always been in therapy. It was determined when this all started back in the day. She was never outright cruel or super mean.... it was just that she was not nice to me or my relationship until now that she tries.
She gets a say as much as I get a say in education, I know is weird but I was raised in some sort of communal weird experience and we all excell in our areas. I would never do anything to put distance between my son and his siblings.
I am trying to instate that they are his siblings and for the one he already has it's the way. If he doesn't like it I will drop it but he seems very receptive to the mix family.
She has issues that have come from other places --childhood, family, so on--and she is truly trying to be better and not be the person that did things to just ruin an engagement.
My son stays mainly with us lately because he wants and that has made his relationship with his mother better.
My son is even written in my parents' will, that is how much I love him so yes!! he is my son too.
My parents are here and will be staying for a while, my inlaws are very careful on their excitement and my parents (with permission) got my son on a little adventure and assured him they love him very very much and their love is infinite.... He feels better now because he said he felt maybe they won't love him anymore because of my real baby.
He is in therapy (always has) but now we have addressed it.... He made it clear he wants me to still love him like I do and I have assured him I will, I do, I always will.
He is going to a solo trip with his Dad and another solo trip with both Dads. My husband and her husband have always got a good relationship and I think it never got better cause of the stuff.
My son is involved in the naming of the baby, it is between us 3 only.
**THE DRAMA PORTION**
My husband wants us to move so we have bigger bedrooms for everybody but I don't feel like it because you know, pregnancy and adaptation.... I want my son to be able to adapt before we start moving!! My husband believes I am just cuddling him way too much but I eyplained my perspective being from a blended fam as a kid and he backed off. When we look for a place we will be looking for one that we all like.
**END OF DRAMA PORTION**
I am an insomiac and has not changed at all.... so here we are hihih, only I drink no more wine anymore lol. My son's mom is actually giving me really good tips.We are working in our own wills and so on, because I am developing a fear about the children's future yay?
And lastly, my husband is the most patient, caring, loving, goofy man. I know I got little critics saying he should have put it off when the bad stuff happened but he is very neutral and asked me all the time if I was OK, he always said if I said no he would have changed his tune.
We are so so far from perfect still, we just had a discussion about the type of school my son should go next (a thing in the country) but I am glad it is now a discussion and not an argument. Also, baby is doing amazing.
ps.... I LOVE bullet points | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ouwyrl/womans_step_son_wants_to_learn_her_native/ | ouwyrl | 8,810 | 798 | [
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2021-07-31T02:55:59 | OP gets a clue, a satisfying update - "AITA for offering to hire a caterer/planner for a fancy dinner party instead of planning it all myself?" | AITA | ***Original:*** [***AITA for offering to hire a caterer/planner for a fancy dinner party instead of planning it all myself?***](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mcf9jy/aita_for_offering_to_hire_a_catererplanner_for_a/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) ***Posted in*** /r/amitheasshole
Okay, I have been married to my wife for almost 15yrs. A few years back we went through a rough patch. I was working long weeks trying to move up in my field & we made the joint decision for her to be a SAHM. And though I was working 6 days a week, I tried to give my wife as much free time as possible.
Still things were rocky & after 18ish months she started saying she wanted to be more social. We moved out of the country a little before we had our twins so it was understandable. Being dumb, I decided to surprise her with a dinner party. I invited some guys from work & their wives over. All without, you know, considering that *someone* would have to host this dinner party & that *someone* would end up being my wife. (Don’t worry. I accepted responsibility of being dumb.) Nevertheless, my wonderful wife did put together a lovely dinner party & discovered a love for planning events.
A few months after, she decided to go back to school for hospitality so that she could be an event coordinator. We arranged for part time care of our girls & after graduating she found a job in her field. 5 years later, she’s moved to another company & is currently up for a promotion & has been schmoozing her bosses & high level clients & she wants to have a party at our new home.
Here’s where IMBTA
Since I have been working so many fewer hours in the last 2ish years, I’m home earlier than my wife is & a lot of my work can be done remotely. So she would like me to handle planning & set-up for the dinner. I’m fine with this. However I am not good at planning events - I’m the guy who hires someone like my wife to plan parties for them. I’m happy to hire a caterer & someone to come put some tablecloths & random vases of flowers around to make the place look nice. But I don’t have an eye for those kinds of things myself. After offering this, my wife acted like I’d just shown Nanny Ruth the family jewels, saying how horrible it would look if I hired her company’s competitor to come host a party at our house, that I had to do it myself. I was a little miffed but the girls were in the living room in ear shot so I told her alright well then I’d need her to at LEAST give me a checklist of things to do. Well that turned into how I clearly don’t respect her or her profession, I’ve always looked down on her for not being as “smart”, how I don’t pay attention to her job or I’d know what went into planning a party & I’d be able to handle a simple dinner event.
I honestly had no idea what sort of minefield I had just walked myself into. I was at a loss so I herded my girls upstairs so I could try to talk to my wife. But it’s been 45m & she’s still on FaceTime with her sisters after not wanting to talk.
I don’t think I’ve ever done or said anything to make my wife think that I look down on her job. I try to be as supportive as I can. But maybe she’s right and I’m not doing enough.
Give it to me straight. If I’m really being the asshole please tell me so I can go grovel at my wife’s feet.
ETA: (I hope this is allowed) Because people keep saying this. I truly had not considered what I suggested to be a bad look on her because I wasn’t exactly suggesting her direct competitor. Wifey works at one of those companies that does everything - they have in house bakers, caterers, planners, a band, florist, etc. I was only planning to hire a restaurant to cater food and maybe someone to help me decorate. I am already planning to apologize profusely.
***Update:*** [***Update to: AITA for offering to hire a caterer/planner to host a fancy dinner party instead of doing it myself?***](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mhk7a4/update_to_aita_for_offering_to_hire_a/) ***Posted in*** /r/amitheasshole
I hope this is allowed. I’ve seen some updates before. No one use my story pls.
So since I last posted I have had a chance to talk to my wife and I have a game plan in place.
I followed your advice and the first morning after our argument and after our girls went to school I did sit down and apologize to my wife. I told her I was so sorry to have made her feel that I wasn’t being supporting enough. I cleared up the suggestion of hiring the competition and explained what I meant more clearly. I also gave her the floor and asked if she could tell me why she’d been so upset - if it was just because of the suggesting a competitor thing or if there was something else going on, that she could talk to me about anything.
She has another coworker, whom I will nickname Kayla, who is also up for the same promotion and only one of them will get it. The day of our argument, Kayla had snuck in her fiancé to set up a big brunch/lunch thing for the office. Of course my wife is stressed and she has been working very hard for this promotion, so her thought process was that I needed to step up and do the same as Kayla’s fiancé did. However, I pointed out that we knew Kayla and knew her fiancé - and he is the main manager in charge of running a large-ish hotel in our city. Part of his job is also managing events that they have at the hotel, which happen often because the hotel is gorgeous and the perfect backdrop for weddings, conferences, fundraising dinners, etc. It clicked in her mind that my skill levels were not on par with Kayla’s fiancé.
We talked and I made us something to eat and then drove her to the office, even walked her inside and carried her coffee for her. I got to meet a few new faces and my wife also introduced me to the newest member of her team who is still learning the ropes. With my wife’s prior approval, I asked the new team member if he’d be willing to let me hire him just as a consultant on a dinner party - I need a little help with the color schemes and flowers as I’m red/green color blind.
You all were right about the communication being lacking and how I was being insensitive about suggesting a competitor - even if it wasn’t exactly my intention (circling back to communication). I also severely underestimated myself and my abilities and was writing it off as something I just couldn’t do rather than a puzzle to work out with some effort.
So yeah. It ended up just being my stupidity and lack of clear communication with my wife, and partially a little over expectations from my wife but with as much as she’s been working and as stressed as she’s been, it’s completely forgivable.
I just wanted to update you all and thank you for helping me see that I was way underestimating myself. I thought I was supporting my wife in every way I could but I was failing in the way she needed me and the way it counted. We’ve rectified the situation and I’m now confident that I can pull this dinner party off (with a little help here or there from my consultant... and Pinterest.) Thank you so much.
ETA: I hope it’s okay to add this edit. It seemed necessary because so many people seem to think that two 3,000 character limit posts give you enough insight into my relationship to deem me a battered husband. My wife is in NO way abusive towards me whatsoever. She is a *human being* who sometimes gets stressed and overwhelmed and overreacts. That does not make her abusive or a terrible person - it simply makes her imperfect and so are we all.
I am not always great at knowing what details are relevant and with the character limit that also makes it extra hard. My wife DID apologize to me as well. She accepted her part of the blame for our whole argument. She apologized to me and we had a very good talk. (I am a civil/structural engineer and she sort of chuckled and made a joke about Kayla’s fiancé never being able to do what I do. She recognized and accepted responsibility that she’d made a mistake.) I do understand where others are coming from and assuming that she’s controlling. But 6,000 characters is a difficult constraint when trying to get enough relevant information across an internet platform. So for that I apologize - I am still working on some of my communication skills.
My wife is a kind and gentle and thoughtful and compassionate person. She leaves me post it notes hidden through the house with love notes and reminds me when I’m low how much she loves/appreciates me and is a terrific wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend. Please accept that she is also human and also makes mistakes; just as I accept this about her, she accepts it about me as well. I make my fair share of mistakes and overreactions just like she does and she always handles it with Grace, I’m simply trying to do the same for her. | almostselfrealised | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ouzgmn/op_gets_a_clue_a_satisfying_update_aita_for/ | ouzgmn | 8,916 | 376 | [
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2021-07-31T15:37:59 | im stuck in my boyfriends closet hiding from his grandma... what do i do | r/Advice | *Please remember that I'm not the original poster and don't need advice*
**[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/hv70o9/im_stuck_in_my_boyfriends_closet_hiding_from_his/)**
last night my (19F) boyfriend (20M) and i decided he should sneak me up to his room and i could sleepover. nothing new, we've done it before, his grandma who he lives with wakes up at the ass crack of dawn to go to work 5 days a week very consistently, so we assumed we were fine. we were not fine. we both woke up around 7 today, shes still home.. so were like fuck, cause bf had to work at 8. he tells me to just stay in his room and lock the door, apparently she has a doctors appointment at 10 so thats my chance to leave when she goes. he says she wont try to come in but doors locked so she cant... im laying there and the door handle jiggles, i say oh god fuck... i try to quietly roll out of the bed... shes yelling "whos in there?! oh no he did not lock this" and disappears to her room bc i hear her footsteps go away, i shove my shoes and purse under the bed and run to his closet and fumble around trying to fit in the back corner and pull shit up around my legs, right as i settle she comes back with a key and comes in rambling and muttering about how dare he lock the door and this and that. his grandma is a very conservative lady. she will kill me if she finds me and i will never be allowed in this house again... anyways, she comes in and cleans and checks out the closet and im shoved in this back corner having a full blown moment of panic. She didnt find me then, shes come back in a few times though. Anyways. im still in here. she hasnt left yet. if anyone has any advice on what i should do please help me, my phones almost dead and i really, really have to pee. my butts also sore from sitting here for so long
**Notable Comments:**
* > You could put on some if his nondescript clothes on with a dark hose type clothing over your head so she cannot see you. You can either run out or say "this is a stick up, get down on the ground and count to 100. Don't look up or you will regret it" like you are a burglar then grab something small and run OR just run out of there!! This idea made me chuckle too. [Link](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/hv70o9/im_stuck_in_my_boyfriends_closet_hiding_from_his/fyrhftl/)
* > Put a white sheet on you and float out of the house like a ghost 👻 [Link](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/hv70o9/im_stuck_in_my_boyfriends_closet_hiding_from_his/fyrmcbf/)
* > But late but for future reference just hum the pink panther theme tune. Makes you visible 100% of the time, every time. [Link](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/hv70o9/im_stuck_in_my_boyfriends_closet_hiding_from_his/fysg41q/)
**[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/hv8zfn/update_im_stuck_in_my_boyfriends_closet_hiding/)**
im free ladies and gentleman. not long after i put that post out she started getting ready for her appointment. when she left i finally got up after 2 hours of being cramped in that corner and took an amazing pee. although i did mess up in my process of leaving by turning off a fan she had just turned on, and taking something off his table- i honestly hope she thinks she just has early on set dementia or something, but i ran out the garage and down the street to my car! thankyou for all the help yall and the entertainment while i was cooped up haha. | Schattenspringer | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ov9bb6/im_stuck_in_my_boyfriends_closet_hiding_from_his/ | ov9bb6 | 3,440 | 808 | [
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2021-07-31T20:29:05 | An excerpt of u/GeneralBystander 's tales - the Chronicles of a crazy ex-MIL | r/JUSTNOMIL | *This is a repost. The Original Poster is* u/GeneralBystander
[JNMILitW - She Fell On The Baby (TW: violence, injury to a young child)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/7c7mxx/jnmilitw_she_fell_on_the_baby_tw_violence_injury/)
This one's kind of long. TL;DR: Friend's ex-boyfriend's crazy bitch mother tries to kidnap a baby, falls on the baby in the process and injures him, gets punched and arrested.
This is another tale of Friend and BoyfriendA's mother (BFA-M). Bitchbot can fill you in somewhat on BFA-M. As noted previously, Friend has had two boyfriends in the past ten years, and had a son with each of them. BoyfriendA is the father of Son1, and BoyfriendB is the father of Son2.
Son1 is six years old. Son2 is four months old. They do not look much alike at this stage, as Son1 looks like a miniature copy of his mom's brother and Son2 looks like a grumpy kobold. I emphasize again that the Sons were sired by completely different men, who have zero connection with each other beyond Friend's vajayjay.
About three weeks ago, Friend calls me with a request to borrow something. As I am en route, she calls again, saying that BoyfriendA's mother (BFA-M) has shown up demanding to see Son1, but is "acting strange", so Friend doesn't want to let her into the house. I ask how she can tell if the woman is "acting strange", since I doubt that BFA-M has drawn a sober breath in the past ten years. I point out that Friend is under no obligation to let BFA-M into her house, particularly not at 10 PM on a school night. I remind Friend that this is the woman who, when Son1 was a fussing infant, thought it was a stellar idea to blow pot smoke into his face to "calm him down". I ask where BoyfriendB is; he's home, but sleeping. I suggest that Friend wake BoyfriendB up if she feels she needs backup in getting BFA-M to go the fuck away, and tell her that I will be there in about ten minutes.
I pull up outside Friend's house, which is a little one-story place with a wraparound porch that has two steps down to ground level at the front door. I note the presence of BFA-M's car, and that the front door is open, and that there are raised voices coming from inside.
As I get out of my car, BFA-M comes running out the front door. She is carrying Son2, who is howling (this not terribly unusual, as this child has recently developed the hobby of howling at every fucking waking moment unless he's being held or in a bouncy seat). BFA-M is screeching, and I can make out snippets of words along the lines of how she DESERVES to have a baby to raise, it's not fair that Friend kept Son1 away from her, nor is it fair that her daughter's three kids were each taken away by Child Protective Services. (This, incidentally, was done due to a combination of the kids having being born with significant levels of illegal substances in their blood, disaster-level home living conditions, physical abuse reports by pediatricians, and some other shit that I will refrain from listing because it makes people furious when they hear about it.) While ranting to the heavens about the terrible injustices of a sane society, however, BFA-M is not watching where she's going.
She trips off the edge of the porch.
Most people, if they trip and fall while carrying a baby, will instinctively try to break the squishy tiny human's fall with their own body. BFA-M is not most people, or perhaps her reflexes are dulled by whatever pharmacological wonderland composes her bloodstream, because she falls squarely atop Son2.
The howls stop. The sudden silence is terrifying.
BoyfriendB had already been in pursuit, with Friend only a few steps behind, but now he clears the porch rail in one go, grabs BFA-M, HURLS her aside, and bends down over the baby on the ground. Suddenly, there is infant screaming, lots of infant screaming, and fully justified, because even from ten feet away in bad lighting, I can see that Son2 has a fucking compound break in his arm.
I know it's unusual for infants to sustain broken bones, never mind compound breaks, because their bones are relatively soft, but I can now state that it's possible. I get my cell phone out and hit 911.
BFA-M sits up from where she's been thrown, then grabs Friend's leg and TRIPS HER as she's rushing past, trying to get to the baby. BFB yells at her "\[native language expletive\], don't you touch my woman, you hurt my baby, you \[expletive\]!"
She laughs.
She seriously laughs and says "Well, he can't be hurt that badly, just listen to how loud he's screaming!"
At this point, there was no stopping Friend from shoving the bitch over onto her back, kneeling on her shoulders, and throwing punches at her face while screaming in rage. I was disinclined to stop Friend, because who laughs about an injured child THAT THEY INJURED, IN FRONT OF THE CHILD'S PARENTS? People with a deep-seated desire to be punched in the face, that's who. Also, I was busy on the phone with the dispatcher, asking for the cops and an ambulance ("wait, better make that two ambulances").
Then Son1 comes sprinting down the stairs, screaming vengefully that he'll never, ever forgive BFA-M for hurting his little brother, and starts kicking her in the fucking head. I now decide it's time to intervene, because while I don't mind watching Friend beat the ever-loving shit out of BFA-M, I feel weird about watching a six-year-old punt the bitch in the skull with his little light-up sneakers. So I shove my phone in my pocket, scoop Son1 off the ground by putting my hands under his shoulders, and point him at the porch.
Me: "Hey, Friend? Sorry to interrupt your justifiable bitchicide, but you ought to go check on Son2. BoyfriendB is panicking. Son1, go inside, Dog is losing his mind."
(The dog in question is a year-old water buffalo/refrigerator hybrid with a head like a cinderblock, the muscle mass of an entire football team, and the personality of a marshmallow. He is absolutely a nanny dog, and hearing Son2 scream has him barking hysterically, which sounds like the onset of Armageddon. I don't know if he might actually attack anybody under provocation or just try to lick or wag everyone to death, so having Son1 go back inside--where the dog could protect him and he could put his attention towards calming the dog--was the best measure I could think of at the moment.)
BoyfriendB is crouched over Son2 on knees and elbows like a full-body shield. He is a very macho guy, from a very macho cultural background, and he is sobbing because he doesn't know what to do to help his baby. This guy has been kind of an asshole at times with the machismo, treating women with a... dismissive version of respect, but seeing him cry like that was heartwrenching and hard to watch. Friend leaves off punching BFA-M in the face and scrambles over, starting to cry as well, but she's telling him not to move the baby, they don't know how bad he's hurt and they need to wait for help.
BFA-M is screaming furiously that Friend is gonna get a beatdown for laying a hand on her. She starts to sit up, then realizes I'm standing right there, holding an active cell phone.
Me: "Oh, keep going, keep making threats against the woman whose baby you've just tried to kidnap and injured in the process. 911 dispatch records everything, you know."
BFA-M: "YOU CALLED THE COPS?!"
Me: "No, I called Pizza Hut OF COURSE I CALLED THE COPS YOU FUCKING LUNATIC."
BFA-M: "I gotta go!"
Me: "Hahaha HELL NO."
BFA-M tries to get up, and it suddenly becomes clear that, in the process of tripping off the porch, she's done something exciting to her ankle. I am not a medical professional, just a well-read amateur, but I am reasonably certain that a human foot is not supposed to do a 90-degree outward roll when weight is placed on it. Down she goes, screaming like a dyspeptic banshee, and I tell the dispatcher that she's got a break or dislocation in her foot.
Me: "... and I didn't do it."
Dispatcher: "You're sure you didn't do it?"
Me: "Positive. I haven't touched her and I can't use the Force, ma'am."
Dispatcher: "Okay, then."
And now the hills are alive with the sound of sirens. The first wave is two cop cars and an ambulance. As I am the only person who is not prostrate with grief, rage, pain, and/or stupidity, I wind up being the go-to for the first responders. ("Four-month-old baby over there. Compound break in his arm, no telling what other injuries he's got. The shrieking banshee over there ran out of the house with him, tripped, and fell on him. She's got a busted-up ankle and has been punched in the face about a dozen times, but frankly, fuck her.")
Things get sorted out to the point where it's decided that BoyfriendB will stay home with Son1 (and hysterical dog), Friend and I will go to the hospital with Son2 and a police escort, and BFA-M will go to the hospital in a different ambulance with a police escort.
At the emergency room, BFA-M doubles down by screaming obscenities at the cops and trying to physically assault a nurse who's trying to get her shoe off so they can get a better look at her ankle. At this point, a hospital security guard with the general build of a volcanic island intervenes, but I didn't get a good look at what happened because Friend and I were being taken to another part of the emergency department with Son2. I just know that all of the swearing abruptly stopped, so whatever he did, it must've been super effective.
It becomes clear that, besides grabbing Friend's leg to trip her and preventing her from getting to her kid, BFA-M was actually the first one to throw a punch; Friend's eye is swelling up and the inside of her cheek is lacerated from being smashed into her own teeth. BFA-M had punched her in the face in order to snatch Son2 out of her arms and try to do a runner. Son2 is taken out by medical personnel to treat the broken arm, leaving just me and Friend sitting in the exam room, and for the next few minutes, I turn into a strange version of Groot.
Friend: "I don't know what to do about her!"
Me: "Restraining order."
Friend: "She comes over even when I tell her not to!"
Me: "Restraining order."
Friend: "I just don't know how to make her listen!"
Me: "Restraining order."
Friend: "I don't know how to stop her short of killing her!"
Me: "Restraining order. I mean, sorry I didn't let you kill the bitch, but if I let YOU kill her, I'd have to let EVERYBODY kill her, and there's just not enough of her to go around, she's the fucking human equivalent of the last M&M in the bag.\* Restraining order."
* No, this didn't make a lot of sense, but it made Friend start laughing out of sheer confusion, so I feel it was a win.
Remember how BFA was a drug dealer and general shitbag? Friend picked up more than a few fleas from lying down with that particular dog; it had not occurred to her that the police can actually help and are there to protect you.
There was, in fact, a cop standing right outside the exam room to keep Friend in vague custody, since she HAD punched BFA-M. The nice cop lady peeked in and said, mildly, "Your friend's right. You need a restraining order."
Son2 has been bruised up, but the arm was the worst of his injuries. It has been successfully treated and is healing. He is back to being a grumpy kobold, only now he has a cast on one arm, which pisses him off. (Just like everything else in the universe. I am told it's "a phase". I asked if it's still "a phase" when the condition has been present since birth, since this is the bitchiest infant I've ever seen, and was gently told that I could fuck off back to my leisure-time-having, disposable-income-possessing, childfree lifestyle.)
At this time, no charges have been pressed against Friend for assaulting BFA-M. A laundry list of charges ARE being pressed against BFA-M, and she is currently locked up. Bonus round: when the cops searched her car, they found things that clearly indicated she intended to take the baby away; there were texts on her phone where she ranted to her friends that she was going to take Son2 because Friend had refused to let her have Son1. She has threatened a civil case against Friend, but I get the feeling that few lawyers are going to want to push it, given the situation. Friend is in the process of getting a restraining order against BFA-M and against a couple other members of that family who tried to pull the FM shit; in the meantime, BFB's family has been mobilized by his mother and are standing guard shifts. He has an indefinite number of cousins and uncles (he's from a culture where any older male relative is "uncle" and any younger or same-age male relative is "cousin") who have been taking turns to either doze off on Friend's couch, or lurk in their vehicles on the property.
(*removed due to a lack of space, check* [ The Order of St. Luis](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/7e4syp/jnmilitw_the_order_of_st_luis/) *for a "small" update*)
[FINAL UPDATE: BFA-M vs. Restraining Orders](https://old.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/8b40bh/boyfriendas_mother_vs_restraining_orders/)
This happened back in mid-March, and I wrote it just after the incident took place, but I am massively derpy and managed to bork up posting it to JNMIL at the time and didn't realize it until now. On the positive side, I'm including the update here as well, so... yay? At any rate, please keep in mind while reading that this happened weeks ago, not actually "today". :D
Trigger Warning: It's BoyfriendA's Mother. Stupidity, violence, terrorizing of small children, and more stupidity ahoy.
*I am still so fucking furious.*
I've had a few hours to calm down, and I'm still furious. I wrote this out, cleaned it up so it isn't 40% obscenities, went over it a couple more times, and I'm still fucking furious. I want to tell my friend to *jump up her own ass and die*, because she has the decision-making skills of a concussed lemming that's addicted to Linkin Park. "Out of all the options arrayed before me, I LOVE TO PICK THE WORST ONE." She should have that tattooed on her fucking forehead as a warning to others. Idiot. Idiot squared. Idiot to the power of fucktard. Dense as a white dwarf star. God*damn* it, woman!
So, lemme back up. Also, fair warning: my decisions were probably not all the best here, either.
I am running errands this morning (fuck errands, and fuck morning for that matter) when my cell phone rings. I glance at the number and see that it's not in my contacts list, but, y'know, might as well answer it. (I normally keep my phone in "driving mode" so all calls and texts are silenced, but I'd forgotten to do so this time.)
"Hello?"
The first thing I hear is echoing banging noises, like someone pounding on a door, and muffled, hysterical dog barking. Then there's a terrified, gasping whisper. "Help me, help me, she's gonna take me away, help me!"
"What the--"
*bang bang bang*
"Help help help help!" gasps the person on the other end of the line.
It's Son1.
"What's happening?" I say, pulling off the road.
He tells me, in those fearful whispers, what's happening, and my blood starts running cold. He's in the bathroom at his home, his mom isn't there, BoyfriendA is there, and BoyfriendA's-fucking-Mother is hammering on the door, yelling at him to open it and telling him that he's going to go on a special trip with \[stupid grandma nickname that only she uses\].
Quick note: Friend has a restraining order against BFA-M that is aimed at keeping her away from Friend, Son1, Son2, and Friend's house. So she's in violation of at least half its provisions right now.
I now have to tell a patently terrified six-year-old that I need to get off the phone with him so I can call the cops. Not the best moment of my life, let me say. I tell him that I will call him back as soon as I can, and that he must answer the phone as soon as it rings, so that BFA and BFA-M don't hear it and realize he's got a phone with him.
I call 911 to report that there's a child in danger of abduction by a person named on a restraining order meant to protect said child. I rattle off Friend's address, then give the name of BFA-M, and I would just about swear I hear the dispatcher say "oh shit", but it went by fast and I'm distracted by getting back on the road.
I call Son1 back, put the phone on speaker, dump it in my lap, and fucking drive. I keep talking to him, trying to keep him calm, but BFA-M is still intermittently yelling and banging on the door, which is *really* not helping me towards my goal. I tell him that he needs to get out the bathroom window, but he's too scared. He's fucking *six*. I can't blame him. I also can't blame him for the scantiness of the information I'm able to get out of him. Where's his mom? She's not home. Where's BoyfriendB? He's not home either. Where's Son2? Mommy took him to the hospital. Then the poor kid starts sobbing out loud in fear, because that fucking mad cunt is *still* yelling and pounding, and now her waste-of-skin offspring is doing it too, yelling at his son.
I get to Friend's house, and I can actually hear the sirens approaching. The shitboxes belonging to BFA and BFA-M are parked in Friend's driveway, and I pull my car in perpendicular behind them with my passenger side about four inches from the rear bumpers.
(Anybody who wants to scold me about illegal detainment or something of that nature for blocking the cars in is invited to refrain from doing so. Those shitbags have working legs. If they want to bail, they can run like rabbits for all I fucking care.)
I jump out of the car, lock it, and run--not towards the front door, but around the side of the house to the location of the bathroom window. I helped come up with the lockdown and escape plans, and we've drilled Son1 in those plans (thanks to this sub, we made it into a game, so he knows what to do; it's different, however, when it's a game versus when it's real).
Dog is in the side yard, losing his ever-fucking doggy mind. He's chained to a steel stake that's *visibly* rocking back and forth in the ground as he flings his not-inconsiderable body weight against the chain, barking his head off in huge deep chesty growly barks. Fortunately, I'm able to skirt him; normally, I have no fear around him, but he's going full Cujo in whale-eyed rage and this is a state in which dogs cannot be reliably trusted to tell friend from foe.
Now I can hear shouting from inside. I tell Son1 that I'm here, disconnect the call, flip my phone to record, and jam it back into its holster on my belt to free up my hands. BFA-M is yelling that if Son1 doesn't open the door, BoyfriendA is going to have to break it down and it'll be Son1's fault that it's broken, and she's fake-crying that \[stupid grandma nickname\] is soooo sad that he doesn't want to go on a trip with her. The louder Son1 cries in fear, the louder BFA-M fake-cries, and it really sounds like fucking *mockery*.
**Bitch.Bitch.Bitch.Bitch.Bitch.Bitch.Bitch.**
While she's shrieking, I'm pulling over an object that was "casually" left nearby (for this specific purpose) and stepping up onto it. The window is locked, but I rattle my fingers on the glass, and Son1 pops up from under the window frame. I won't describe exactly how he looked because it tore out my guts and filled the resulting empty cavity with the same kind of rage that had Dog snapping at the air and roaring like a lion, and I don't need to revisit that level of fury just now.
Son1 opens the window lock and I slide the window open, but then I hesitate, and here's where I feel like the biggest, coldest-blooded asshole on Earth.
The cops are *literally* (*not* figuratively) seconds away now. I'm hearing tires screeching on the road.
If I take Son1 out through the window right now, the cops will not come upon the scene as it stands, and I want them to see it. I want them to see it and bring the fucking hammer down on BFA-M.
The bathroom door suddenly shakes at an impact. I hear BFA-M shouting encouragement for BFA to hit it again.
If that walking dumpster fire breaks into the room, he or his wretched maggot-riddled rotten cunt of a mother could grab Son1 or hurt him, maybe before the cops get inside.
Everything inside me just goes cold and clear. I put my arm in through the window, and Son1 grabs onto it like a lifeline. If that asshole breaks through the fucking door, I'm going into the bathroom, and I'm going to kick him in his pea-sized balls so hard that they shoot up the entire length of his body and displace his fucking eyes, and then I'm going to beat the bitch who spawned him into a coma with the goddamn toilet plunger.
Son1 is crying, those desperate gasping hiccuping sobs you hit when you're nearly exhausted. I'm crying in rage and fear, and every breath comes through my teeth as a snarl.
The door shakes again.
And then I hear the blessed shouts of "\[Location\] Police!" Weird, it seems like it's coming from two directions--somewhere on the far side of the bathroom door, and right the fuck behind me, and oh shit, I told the cops *myself* that someone was trying to kidnap a child and here I am, reaching in through a bathroom fucking window like a creeper, and then I get tackled into the side of the house and there goes my footing and I almost get bisected by the window frame as I fold over it and all of my breath has packed its shit and left. I slide in through the window and land on my goddamn head on the tile because I'm too stunned to get my free arm up to protect myself and my other arm is occupied by a six-year-old who's understandably screaming. (Kind of a miracle I didn't land on the kid.) The cop who tackled me is yelling for me to stay down and probably feeling stupid that he didn't actually get hold of me.
(I apologize for all of the run-on sentences up above, but events flowed into each other *very* quickly, and I'm trying to convey that.)
It gets noisy outside the bathroom door. I hear BFA-M screeching obscenities and the sounds of a scuffle, followed by the rather distinctive noise of a taser going off, which delights me to no end, because fuck that bitch. BFA, seeing how well it worked for his mother, also tries yelling and fighting, and then *he* gets tased, and y'know what, fuck him too. I'm busy lying on a bathroom floor trying not to puke from the impact across my middle, with a small child clinging to me in hysterics. Also, there's a cop sticking his head in the window, still helpfully yelling at me to stay down. (I am happy to cooperate, Officer Tacklebuddy.)
Somewhere in the middle of this, I hear a familiar voice. "Where's my son?! Oh my God, what's going on?!" Oh, good, someone who can IFF me to the cops before I get cuffed and tossed in the back of a patrol car and yield to the temptation to chew BFA-M's fucking face off like I've been snorting bath salts!
The door is unlocked and opened, because the little key thing is kept above the doorframe, and Friend comes piling into the room. Son1 detaches from me and grabs onto her like a frantic sloth. Another cop is right on her heels and I now have a new life experience to file away--being put in handcuffs. I don't argue with the cop about this, partly because I prefer not to add "being tased" to my life experience file, and partly because I know the guy's just trying to sort out a clusterfuck, and partly because it feels like my entire torso is going to be one huge bruise and my head hurts.
(I got un-cuffed again like thirty seconds later when Friend explained my presence, at least. Some of the cops were actually ones I've met before during run-ins with the BFA-M Dumbfuck Family Jamboree. I suspect that that's why BFA-M got tased so quickly; the cops know these shitheads, and know that managing them with calm words and reason is a fucking impossibility.)
BFA and BFA-M are removed from the house in cuffs, and Friend manages to explain how this miserable situation came to pass.
Son2 had been a little feverish during the night, but hit a sudden spike this morning that really alarmed her. She wanted to get him to the hospital, but she had no one to stay with Son1. Almost everyone with whom she would have *preferred* to leave him--her mom, dad, or stepsister top the list, followed by BoyfriendB's parents--was at work or possibly otherwise unavailable.
Did the dumbass try calling any of them to confirm that they were unavailable? See if anybody could help out? Find out if one of BoyfriendB's multitude of aunts and uncles would be able to lend a hand?
No. No, the dumbass did not.
The dumbass called up BoyfriendA.
Yes, she called the dude whose family has been hostile and aggressive towards her over her children, and against whom she's filed to gain sole custody of their kid, and asked him to watch said kid.
He agreed to come and stay with Son1 for a few hours. She figured that the worst he would do was drink her beer and watch TV, but the important thing would be that he could generally keep an eye on Son1 and prevent him from setting himself on fire or eating the dog's food or something exciting like that.
While she'd been at the hospital, her phone's battery had died, which is why Son1 hadn't been able to reach her. (Son2 is, incidentally, okay. Whatever's going on with him is under control. Doctors recommended Friend get a new thermometer, because hers was registering something like two degrees higher than it should.)
As of this writing, I still don't know how BFA-M got involved. My personal theory is that BFA called her and blithely invited her into the house she's legally barred from approaching to interact with the child she's legally banned from interacting with, but it's equally possible that she called him, he mentioned being at Friend's house with Son1, and she proceeded to invite herself over. Whatever the case may be, she's in twenty fucking thousand leagues of shit now. She had a duffel bag of child's clothes in her car, and the stuff she'd said to Son1--some of which was caught on my recording--sure made it sound like she was planning on kidnapping him. She's back in jail, and I sincerely doubt she's going to make bail this time, considering *she was out on bail for doing something like this already* and has now violated a restraining order on top of everything else.
The cops called an ambulance for me, which was nice of them (and covered their asses, most likely). I have no broken bones and I'm not concussed, but I'm bruised to a fare-thee-well over a lot of my front and have a nice bump on my head, so I'm wearing a seductive little number mostly assembled out of ice packs right now. I was given a list of symptoms for crush syndrome, because I guess I haven't had enough fear and anxiety for today. Friend called BoyfriendB and got him to give me a ride back to her place so I could get my car (she would have come to get me herself, but Son1 needed her). I wanted to rip her several new ones, but I knew that if I started, I'd be yelling, and Son1 didn't need to be around that. I just told her that she'd been an idiot to call BFA and we could talk about that later.
"Later" is still not yet, because I'm still, as previously noted, fucking furious.
## UPDATE (1 WEEK LATER)
Sooooo...
I had a sit-down talk with Friend.
By which I mean she came to my place and I sat in my computer ~~throne~~ chair, stared at her stone-faced, and said, "Explain yourself."
She had a good strong start, at least. "Are you okay? I'm so sorry. I should never have let BoyfriendA watch Son1. I'll never do that again. I wasn't thinking, and I totally shit the bed. I'm sorry." Then... well, then she got a bit... excuse-y. "I was so worried about Son2 that I didn't even think of calling BoyfriendB's mom or grandma for help. I was freaking out and BoyfriendA happened to call, and I asked if he could help out. I didn't think he'd let his mom in! He knows about the restraining order!"
"He called you? You don't have him blocked?"
"Yeah, I don't have him blocked because court said I can't until the sole custody case is finished."
"Okay. Gimme your phone," said I.
"Huh?"
"Just pass it over." She gave it to me, and I pulled out my phone and said, "Now listen to this."
And I played the recording I'd made. It was the first time she's heard it. I sat there with ice in my veins, watching her face as she listened to her son's terrified sobs, BoyfriendA's bellowing, BFA-M's screeching, and my muffled swearing. It's far from a perfect recording and the audio's fuzzy and echoing in places, but the relevant stuff is clear enough. (Yes, I sent a copy to the cops.)
It might have been kinder if I had pulled a knife and *stabbed her*. She drained ghost-white and tears started running down her face. If I hadn't, y'know, lived through the fucking situation, and if she hadn't precipitated it however unintentionally, I would have felt a pang of compassion. As it was, not so much.
"Since you were stressed-out and worried and your brain shut off, I have something that might help remind you of what kind of person he is," I said, once the recording was over. I transferred an audio file that I'd made previously (I had planned this part, yes, and yes, I am a fucking asshole), fiddled with her phone settings, and handed it back to her.
"What did you do?" she asked, staring at the phone as if it might bite her.
"I set the ringtone for his number to something pertinent," I said, and played the clip.
(A quick side note: BoyfriendA has this weird squeaky grating voice that runs down a couple of octaves when he's doing his tough-guy shit. He literally sounds like a puckered asshole trying to talk like Christian Bale's Batman. I wish I could put the clip up, but legal reasons say otherwise, so hopefully the above description will suffice.)
***"YOU OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR RIGHT NOW, SON1, OR SO HELP ME, I WILL FUCKING KICK IT IN AND BEAT YOUR ASS!!!"*** BoyfriendA's voice farted viciously out of the speaker, accompanied by Son1's panicked weeping and punctuated by my own voice in a whisper, calling BFA a shit-guzzling bucket of cockroach dickcheese. (I don't recall saying it, but recordings don't lie, and I *do* swear under my breath a *fucking lot* when under pressure.)
"Next time he calls you, that's what you'll hear. Maybe it'll remind you *why* you're pushing for sole custody," I said. Yeah, it was cold, but I didn't feel so bad about it after she updated me on the situation at her home.
Son1 won't sleep in his own bed. In fact, he *has* to sleep with his mom, and Son2 *has* to be in his crib in the room, and Dog *has* to be in the room next to the bed or this kid *will not sleep at all*. He doesn't want to be left alone at all, either; Dog helps with that, but mostly the kid wants to be within line-of-sight of his mom or, as a distant second, BoyfriendB. Son1 has said he never, ever wants to lay eyes on his father again, and has also said if he ever sees BFA-M again, he will call the cops, the army, the Marines, GeneralBystander, Iron Man, Captain America, EVERYONE HE CAN THINK OF, and scream non-stop until someone makes her go away.
Dog absolutely *will not* let Son1 out of his sight when the kid is at home--he follows him everywhere, including into the bathroom. If Friend doesn't take him to the bus pickup point to see Son1 off to school, Dog cries and whines and howls for *hours*. When the kid's not at home, Dog paces around the house and whimpers. That poor animal's on high alert. Friend mentioned that the night after all this shit went down, Dog *destroyed* the sofa cushions where BFA had been sitting--ripped them into confetti. Dog also found one of BFA-M's shoes (it apparently came off when she was struggling with the cops) and destroyed that, too. Mind you, he's not a random destructive chewer. I think he's making his opinion crystal clear.
BFA-M is still in jail. She will not be given bail, since she was already out on bail when she Done Fucked Up. BFA's fate is apparently the subject of some debate--he *was* invited to come to the house, but he allowed entry into the house by a person named on a restraining order and the order is supposed to apply to third parties as well. He also caused property damage, and the audio evidence of threats and verbal abuse directed at Son1 is on file. He may be charged as an accessory to attempted kidnapping, but Friend doesn't have details yet.
Possibly the best part, and the bit that actually made me grin?
*They don't know I was involved at all.* They don't know I called the cops. They don't know I was physically at the house, on the other side of the bathroom door. As far as they know, the police just fucking appeared by magic. Friend has *not* shared the information with anybody other than BoyfriendB, who can keep his mouth shut. It's all to the good if they think that the cops have Friend's house under surveillance or something.
**EDIT - FAQ**
Seeing a couple of patterns in the comments, I thought I'd try to cover stuff here.
Q: How is GeneralBystander?
A: Recovering. I bruise easy and it takes forever to fade, so I've got yellowy blotches, but I'm otherwise okay.
Q: What if Son1 hears that ringtone? Won't it traumatize him again?
A: Friend told Son1 about the ringtone when she got home, saying that Mommy needed to be reminded of why BoyfriendA should never be alone with Son1 again, but if Son1 was going to be upset or scared by it, she would change it. Son1 asked to hear it, cried a little bit, then said that she should keep it because *he* also needed to remember that his daddy is mean, no matter what daddy's friends or family try to tell him.
Friend's lawyer suggested she change it, though, since he's concerned about possible "parental alienation" opposition to the custody case... so now BFA's ringtone is a loud bubbly juicy farting noise, and his contact picture is a photo of one of Son2's more dire diaper blowouts. (The fart noise was my idea, while the shitsploded diaper picture was Friend's idea.)
Q: Is Son1 in therapy?/Is Dog okay?
A: Son1 is seeing a counselor, but he doesn't open up easily to strangers. Dog was *massively* stressed-out and visibly losing weight, so Friend got him to the vet, who prescribed anti-anxiety meds. Friend also enrolled Dog in obedience classes with Son1 as his designated handler, and this is helping both of them to a really surprising degree. Son1 is sleeping in his own bed now, but Dog has to be in the room too. (Dog does not sleep in the bed. Dog sleeps across the threshold of the door. Dog is a *very* effective door wedge, according to Friend.)
Q: Why didn't Friend take Son1 to the hospital with her?
A: Being very low on sleep, Friend didn't want to try corralling an active 6-year-old while simultaneously managing a sick infant. Son1 gets *extremely* hyper and hard to contain when he's bored, and he hates sitting in one place for extended periods of time. | Angry_ACoN | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ovefak/an_excerpt_of_ugeneralbystander_s_tales_the/ | ovefak | 35,564 | 413 | [
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2021-07-31T23:28:06 | If you were mine | null | [deleted] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ovhd8g/if_you_were_mine/ | ovhd8g | 9 | 2 | [
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2021-08-01T03:09:58 | My. God. This. Is. Wholesome. - "AITA for not wanting my fiancee to dance to a love song dedicated to her late fiance at our wedding?" | AITA | ***Original:*** [***AITA for not wanting my fiancee to dance to a love song dedicated to her late fiance at our wedding?***](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/aoadwq/aita_for_not_wanting_my_fiancee_to_dance_to_a/) ***Posted in*** /r/amitheasshole
Before we met, my fiancee Kayla was engaged to a man she had dated for three years who died in a traffic accident. I had never dated a woman who had that kind of loss before, so I've been learning as I go, but I've tried to respect that he will always be a part of her story, and I accepted her relationship with her late fiance's parents with open arms. They stayed very close, and by the time we started dating they were basically like a second set of parents to her. Kayla's real parents and her late fiance's parents are all amazing people, so I consider myself pretty lucky to have two sets of great in-laws.
Our wedding is coming up in May, and Kayla told me that after her father-daughter dance, she would like to have a second dance with her late fiance's father to the song Vanilla Twilight. She asked me if I was comfortable with that, and I didn't want to be "that guy" and say no, so I said yes. But really, it makes me uncomfortable that she would be dancing to a love song dedicated to another man at our wedding. I am happy to make space in our lives for his memory. A photo of him is on our mantle at home, we make it a point to commemorate his birthday the anniversary of his death, and I feel like I am understanding and supportive when she has bad days. And I am 100% fine with having his parents at the wedding because, like I said, we are all a family. But I also feel like our wedding is one day that it all about *our* relationship.
Am I the jerk if I ask her to reconsider this dance? What are the best compromises here?
***Update:*** [***\[UPDATE\] AITA for not wanting my fiancee to dance to a love song dedicated to her late fiance at our wedding?***](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c9un3j/update_aita_for_not_wanting_my_fiancee_to_dance/) ***Posted in*** /r/amitheasshole
Two months ago, I married the love of my life. I was thinking about this thread the other day, how it went, and where my head was at when I made it, and I thought you guys might like an update.
A little anticlimactically, the thing I was stressing about was a bit of a miscommunication, which probably happens a lot here. Kayla wanted to dance with her late fiance's (I'll go ahead and just call him Luke from now on) father at our wedding, and Vanilla Twilight was an example of a song along the lines of what she wanted, not the set-in-stone top choice like I had thought. I (and a lot of commenters in the original thread) spent a lot of time over-analyzing the lyrics to that song looking for hidden meaning in every word, while it turns out she hadn't put much more thought into the suggestion than "This is a kind of sad song that I like."
We got together that night and she had made several playlists of possible first dance songs for us, songs for when she walks down the aisle, music to play at the reception, and song choices for her dance with Luke's father. We spent hours listening to them all and talking about the wedding. We even made a tournament-style bracket for our first dance song in her journal and put songs head to head against each other until the victor emerged. And at the end, we talked about the wedding and our relationship, Luke and their relationship, and grief, what it was like when she lost him and what it was like for me when I lost my mom at a young age, what a family is, and all the things we're hopeful for for the future. We stayed up until three in the morning just talking and planning and laughing and crying a little, and I'm so glad for it. After getting bombarded by dozens of different opinions from dozens of different people earlier that day, I had been worried that I was going to have a conflict with my fiancee shortly before our wedding. But there was no conflict, just a pure memory.
After that night, I starting putting in more effort to be involved with the wedding planning process and actually ask for the things I wanted, which Kayla actually really appreciated. We also took a long weekend a couple of weeks before the wedding to go on a camping trip together for just the two of us, which I highly recommend to anyone who is getting married. Overall, there was a complete flip in my feelings leading up to the wedding from being somewhat insecure and excited but nervous to being completely at ease, excited, and feeling stronger about my relationship than ever.
The wedding day itself was really wonderful and worth the wait. Kayla and Luke's father had their dance to Lean On Me, and I also had a dance with Kayla's mom and it was very emotional in a good way. I really felt that the day was a celebration of our love, and I was genuinely happy that Luke's parents were there to celebrate along with us because they are very much members of our family and I wish I had the space to describe all the ways they've been there for us through the years.
My amazing wife is who she is because of all the experiences that she has had in her life, and I don't want to be the kind of man who asks her to pretend that she has never loved before me or pretend that her grief is something that is or should be done with forever now that she has me. I just want to say how glad I am that we shared that night together and that the wedding was nothing but love and celebration. I never thought I could be so happy. | almostselfrealised | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ovkl53/my_god_this_is_wholesome_aita_for_not_wanting_my/ | ovkl53 | 5,554 | 1,917 | [
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2021-08-01T04:06:45 | 17yo Wants To Stop Sharing Her Passwords With Her Dad - 2 yr Happy Update | AITA | [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bj3l3r/wibta_if_i_didnt_give_my_dad_my_password_after_i/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf](http://OriginalPost)
WIBTA if I didn’t give my dad my password after I turn 18?
I‘m (17F) currently living with my dad and my five siblings, and a junior in high school. I love my dad and think he’s super supportive, he is just very controlling at times. He tracks my phone (which I used to despise but now understand and appreciate), and I believe monitors my texts (haven’t confirmed it yet but I strongly suspect it).
I recently changed my email password two weeks ago due to a security breach and the day after I did my dad asks me what I changed my password to. My password has been the same for years and I knew he knew it I just never knew he checked my emails. I had to leave for work so I just sorta dodged the question because it surprised/confused me. A week passes and he texted me yesterday demanding I give him my password. Due to living in his house and not wanting to disrespect/argue with him I gave him it. Now it has me wondering if he would get mad if I changed my email password when I turn 18 soon. I‘m scared to ask, just wondering if it would be disrespectful and rude to do so even though I’m going to be an adult and don’t want my dad snooping through my emails??? My emails aren’t even interesting they’re for school, most of the time.
[Update ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ovbq4i/update_to_wibta_if_i_didnt_give_my_dad_my_password/)
I first want to thank everyone who responded and helped me out 2 years ago, it really helped me get to a better place mentally. I’m now (19F) about to start my sophomore year of college and about to move into an apartment.
I spoke with my dad when I turned 18, like sat down and had a serious discussion with him about my boundaries and how as an Adult I have more freedoms and that he must respect that and he listened. He made me feel my feelings were valid and this last year it’s seems he’s really changed. Isn’t obsessed with my emails/checking where i am (lmao beingan adult has helped with that.) I talked with him as well as to not like be as insane as he was with me with my younger siblings and so far nothing yet.
He’s admitted he’s used manipulation and gaslighting as a way to parent (I was shocked to hear him admit it). Will I still be cautious? of course, but overall my dad and I have come to an understanding of boundaries and I no longer live with the constant fear of being monitored, thank you guys for everything and yeah I’m much happier and recently came out as pan!! (which my dad supports yuh!) | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ovldhb/17yo_wants_to_stop_sharing_her_passwords_with_her/ | ovldhb | 2,682 | 305 | [
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2021-08-01T13:25:26 | I overheard my husband call me ugly | Relationships | *This is a repost.* [*The original post*](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/13g0wt/husband30m_admits_i28f_am_ugly/) *is by* [u/uglywoman](https://www.reddit.com/user/uglywoman/)*.*
I am an unattractive woman, objectively. I've always been this way and while I have accustomed myself to it, it nonetheless remains a daily fact that being an ugly woman sucks.
I met my husband four years ago and he is greatest thing that's ever happened to me. He has always and frequently told me I'm beautiful, and somehow sounded honest, without sounding like my mother - like someone without another option to answer.
last night (Saturday) he had a group of friends over to our home, they meet several times a month to hangout, catch up and play games. He has known most of these guys since highschool. I was upstairs in the kitchen preparing a drinks and snacks when and was able to hear them in the basement and began to eavesdrop (which I know was rude but it wasn't really intentional). I realized they were talking about me, a couple of guys were teasing my husband about me, specifically about my looks. I could tell it was supposed to be funny. It was not.
There was a point where one of them referred to me as a "troll" and my husband blew up, started shouting. "listen, SHUT THE FUCK UP. **I know that \[my name\] is ugly** but shut up. She makes me happy. Does your bimbo of the week do that jim? Dave how long has it been since we've hung out and you haven't bitched about your wife? " (not real names)
He went on for a while, "defending" me. But all I could hear was " I know shes ugly, I know shes ugly, I know shes ugly" again and again in my head. It just broke me I don't know why. I've always know I'm unattractive but *HE* isn't supposed too! He tells me I'm beautiful so sincerely and consistently i'd started to actually believe he thought that.
I started to cry and ran into a shower so no one could hear me. When I came out and hour later everyone had gone home, far earlier then normal. I went to bed and then haven't spoken too him all day today, but I think i've been able to avoid letting him know I'm upset, or avoiding him. I know rationally that what he said was true and sweet, and that I sound be happy he loves me and not my body but IT DOESN'T SEEM TO MATTER. I just want to be pretty. God I feel so shallow. I've been crying all day. What do I say to him? Part of me wants to call him a liar to scream and yell and cry, while the other part just wants to run away and never have to talk to him again and acknowledge that even the greatest man I will ever meet can't find me attractive.
**TL;DR** overheard husband admit to friends that I am ugly. Even although I knew this to be true already and the admitting happened in the midst of him explaining how much he loves me, it makes me feel terrible, worthless and like I lost something i'd waited my whole life for, i'd given up hope i'd ever have a partner who even liked me before I met him. I lost a lottery spectacularly at birth, and my life feels like a big joke a cycle of humiliation and punishment I did nothing to deserve. I don't even know how to talk to him.
&#x200B;
[***UPDATE***](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/13je9e/updatehusband30m_admits_i28f_am_ugly/)
**This one turned out really long, sorry.**
First off, I'd just like to say thanks. Just wow. Over the last two days I've had literally hundreds of messages (and PMs), you guys rock. Seriously look at that thread, that's got to have one best positivity and sweetness to meanness and jerks ratios on all of reddit, like ever. You guys knocked it out of the park for me, I'm still figure out why.
So yesterday after getting a barrage of support from you guys on my phone every couple minutes non-stop all day, I decided to try and confront my husband over what I'd over heard. After we were both home from work I told him I needed to talk. I told him I'd over heard him and his friends and he immediately started to apologize for them saying they were jerks and assholes and that I should have told him I'd heard.
I had to stop him to let me get a word in and tell him it wasn't his friends so much as it was what HE said. When I told him what he said his whole tone changed, I could tell wasn't expecting to be blamed. I had had the whole conversation planned out; I wanted to explain how it made me feel, how I thought he really was attracted to me and how betrayed it made me feel to hear him that behind my back.
but I just started to cry, and couldn't really communicate what I wanted to say very well. He was awesome tho and just held me, and then after a minute started to speak like he was reading right out of the nicest comments in the original thread, telling me he was just angry and didn't speak very well. That he really does find me attractive even if the world doesn't, and his friends don't.
I calmed down pretty quick; I'd basically cried myself out the day before. He took me to his computer and showed me an email he sent to all of his friends on Sunday. I wish I could copy paste it now, but he basically called all his friends assholes, said they'd crossed the line from good natured trash talk to just being assholes and then continued going far beyond. He said that, for time indefinite they'd have to find another host, were no longer welcome in my home (he actually said "\[my name\]'s home", I thought that would make it sound like I was ordering him around being a bitch, but he said he just wanted to empathize how wrong what they were doing was). Seeing him stand up for me again made me happy, especially seeing me do it without talking bad about me, helping me believe it really was just heat of the moment bad word choice.
He told me to wait in the room and left, coming back with a folder. He said he was going to give me this for Christmas but that he'd get me something else. I tried to say no but he insisted. It was plane tickets and brochures. He's set up a trip in early January to this spa/hotel/resort thing in British Columbia. It was pretty mind blowing.
But I realized that it had to be several thousand dollars he'd spent. We budget pretty thoroughly, he shouldn't have been able to spend that without me noticing. I asked where he got the money and he said he'd been planning this for more than a year and saving all the money assigned to his weekly spending money, and collecting where I wouldn't notice, change from groceries, etc.
When I say that sometimes I'm not sure I deserve him, understand that I'm not having a crisis I need help dealing with, he's just really awesome. He's taking me out for dinner, so I have to go, but I'll be on again tonight.
**TL;DR** Everything is ok. Husband is an amazing person. I still wish I was prettier but understand how lucky I am, how happy I should be, and how prettiness and happiness are not synonyms. Thank you reddit for all the support, I owe you guys. | SomaliMN | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ovs2os/i_overheard_my_husband_call_me_ugly/ | ovs2os | 6,944 | 4,245 | [
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2021-08-01T19:22:34 | My brother, who *hated* religion, died Saturday. I just found out our recently ultra-religious mother plans to have his funeral in her Roman Catholic faith... and I "cannot" be a pallbearer unless I carry his body to and from the altar. | r/Advice | *I'm not the original poster*
**[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/9z2jff/my_brother_who_hated_religion_died_saturday_i/)**
I need some advice. I am so outraged, so livid, that I actually have been spluttering when trying to talk about it.
My little brother died Saturday after a 3 year battle with cancer.
TL;DR: My brother (and I) hate(d) religion, and his burial ceremony is to be conducted in the Roman Catholic tradition because our mother "found" god in the last half decade. I feel this is an incredible disrespect to his memory. I will be unable to be a pallbearer unless I participate in the Mass.
Atheists, do not downvote those whom are religious. Religious types, return the favor please, and do not downvote those opinions you disagree with. Be civil.
Details:
He was exceedingly anti-religious throughout his life. Not militantly atheist, where he wanted to tear down all religions and etc, but actively detested religion broadly because of the thought control and hypocrisy of it.
He hated how religion preached peace... except kill all who do not believe the correct way.
He hated how religion preached understanding... unless someone thought differently
He hated how religion preached love... unless you didn't bow down, and then eternal torment.
He hated how religion always seemed to act exactly like the leaders of North Korea... act like you love me, do what I say, or forever be imprisoned and tortured.
He hated how religion said one could rape, murder, destroy lives... but as long as you said sorry at some point it was all good.
He hated how religious "leaders" could molest children, but it was all good because they spoke for the "invisible sky wizard".
And yet if you lived your life being the most generous, loving, giving person to the point of sacrificing yourself for the betterment of others... you were still allegedly going to be tortured for eternity simply because you did such things because they are the way any of us should be, instead of because Bugs Bunny said we should, and needs must worship Daffy Duck.
My little brother, my best friend throughout my life, the person I have fought beside against the world of both far-right and far-left racism, idiocy, hypocrisy, and hate...
...is to be buried in a Roman Catholic Mass/ceremony, because our mother. A mother that until 5 years or so was non-religious (not anti, like Brother and I, but scoffed at it) until she moved to Oregon where her sister lives (and whose son is a Roman Catholic Father/priest).
So, the advice I need:
As mentioned... I am outraged and very, very, very, very, VERY appalled and angry. I feel that this is an extreme insult to my brother's memory.
I will conduct myself with utmost propriety, despite my inclinations to shout out how much my brother would hate what is going on "in his honor". Heck, if there is ever to be a zombie uprising, this would set it off... as Brother would burst out if his casket if he could.
I will be approached by my mother and asked if I have "calmed down"/accepted Jesus Christ since being notified that Brother will be laid to rest with full Roman Catholic ceremony.
I plan on asking her if she would have "calmed down" and accepted Muhammed if Aunt Gail (my aunt, her sister) was buried in the Muslim faith.
I don't want this to be a shitshow. The only person I have ever unconditionally loved -and who unconditionally loved me back- is dead.
I do not want to profane his memory... and yet, the very "ceremony" for his funeral is exactly that.
I think I will just seethe, and go along with it. Any sort of confrontation would be worse.
But Reddit, as weird as it may be to ask complete strangers...
What are your thoughts?
**[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/9znxcl/update_brother_passed_away_saturday_and_mother/)**
I am only posting here, because the original post was here. So many, many people responded; I wanted to reach the same audience and let everyone know what their advice did, and the results.
Some background:
In his last week of life, Brother was moved to our sister's house (who is an active nurse). She selflessly accepted him in (despite two children and a work schedule that ICU/ER nurses have), and kept a "baby monitor" in the room; she was always available, cleaned him, turned him, etc... all of the needs that a dying person has, that only others whose family members are on the verge of dying can understand.
I followed the more or less general consensus, and was preparing to create a coalition to protest a funeral so very much against who my brother was in life.
And in my outrage...* I* somehow forgot who my brother was in life.
I got a call from our Sis. She wanted to check up on me, knowing how devastated I was by Brother's death.
In all of my anger, in all of my outrage... I never called the one person who had been caring for him.
Brother foresaw our mother's pain, and agreed to a Roman Catholic burial. He did not convert as I thought I was being told, or whatever the case may have been.
Sis did not believe it either, but assured me that she made sure they were alone, and spoke to him during a lucid period to verify that he actually agreed to it.
That was the kind of man my brother was. In his very last days, as he lay dying, he cared more about how the pain and loss after he was gone would affect others, rather than about himself.
I actually* was* the asshole, for only dwelling in my own pain and not realizing that this is exactly something Brother would do: "sacrifice" himself for the good of others. Sacrifice is too strong a word, but you know what I mean.
So: I officially thank the hundreds upon hundreds who took the time to comment, and the dozens who PM'd/DM'd me. All of you, in all of your thoughts and beliefs on every side... again, thank you. Brother and I always believed in hearing all sides without reservation.
You have -beyond doubt- shown that that caring towards others still holds true despite all of the hate and fingerpointing that currently seems so prevalent.
A forum of complete strangers came together. I love you all... and thank you so very, very much.
I have on last thing to ask of you:
Do a random act of kindness for a complete stranger, just once.
I don't mean some faceless donation to charity or whatever, to some random whatever. Instead, make a difference, if even for a moment, to some other person around you. For no reason other than to brighten someone's day.
Give a bag to someone who is short one at a checkout stand at your local grocery. Offer to buy someone's coffee in line behind you. Help someone to cross a street, or offer to lead someone lost somewhere in a hospital. *Something
*
Because these are the kind of things my brother did every day. And if you happened to say -or even just think to yourself- "Because Jeremy OB Wright no longer can, let me help you"... then there could never be any better memorial for him than that. | Schattenspringer | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ovygsf/my_brother_who_hated_religion_died_saturday_i/ | ovygsf | 6,980 | 476 | [
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2021-08-02T03:13:02 | AITA for telling my daughter that if she won't stand up for herself, I don't want to hear about it? | AITA | THIS IS A REPOST. *I'm NOT the original poster.* [Link to original thread](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ot8m5x/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_that_if_she_wont/) and [link to update thread](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ovx9t1/update_aita_for_telling_my_daughter_that_if_she/) OP: u/ThrowRAWontHearIt
**[Original Post:](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ot8m5x/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_that_if_she_wont/) Posted in AITA**
I divorced my wife almost twenty years ago because her work life became so severely toxic to my mental health that I was developing extreme anger management issues. To keep it short, it didn't matter who it was, she would not stand up for herself at work. So day after day she's tell me these work stories, about how upset she was, I'd give her suggestions, and nothing would change. Things escalated, and slowly but surely, I was building a resentment I didn't know was there and found myself angry any time she would talk about work. She refused to get therapy, or do anything to improve her situation, and our marriage slowly fell apart because of it. It wasn't until I decided to get therapy myself because I couldn't control my anger that I realized the relationship itself had become toxic for me. It took a lot longer after that, but we ultimately divorced as a result.
Fast forward to present day, and my adult daughter is now working in the federal government and she's letting the same thing happen to her. We talk on the phone every other day (live in different cities), and the past three phone calls she's complained about the same situation. I've given her suggestions, and nothing changed. I immediately recognized my anger building, so I just stopped her last night and told her that if she won't stand up for herself, I don't want to hear about it. She called me an AH and hung up on me.
This morning my son called to ask why my sister is telling everyone I'm an AH, to hear my side, and so I told him the abridged version, and he told me I'm the AH as well.
I know I may have been a little tactless in how I shut down the conversation, but I just can't invite that anger into my life again. Maybe it makes me weak, but I'm just not able to cope with it.
Edit: Instances of standing up with my wife. She'd be in a team of 5, but because she was very efficient, her team lead, super, or manager would keep putting more work on her. Even when she had more work than she could do, she would never say no. At one time, she was on 7 projects, and everyone else in her team was on one. She just wouldn't say "I can't. I'm swamped". I would literally suggest she say something like "I'm already on seven projects, I won't have time to take on an extra. I know x is only on one project right now, have you asked them?" She would complain and stress out, and have breakdowns before the week started because of work anxiety, but still wouldn't say no. After years of seeing this happen to my wife, but her never doing anything to change it, or to try and improve herself so she'd have the confidence, the anger I was feeling at her workplace was carrying over to her. I couldn't stomach hearing about her work anymore without immediately becoming angry, but I kept bottling it until I couldn't anymore. Now my daughter is letting the same thing happen to her, so just hearing about it is immediately putting me in that place again, and the anger I used to feel is coming up with my daughter.
**[UPDATE:](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ovx9t1/update_aita_for_telling_my_daughter_that_if_she/) Posted in AITA 4 days later**
I wanted to lead by clearing a few things up before getting to the update.
My wife and I were married for seven years before my anger issues manifested, and I was her emotional support for even longer. She introduced me to solutions/support, and we had our own rules. On our daily walks, I just listen. If she spoke about work at home, it meant we could discuss it.
I did tell her she needs to get help, but that was at the end of our relationship. She refused couples therapy, personal therapy, and insisted it was my responsibility to be there for her. Much earlier I'd also asked her if she'd considered therapy, or any other strategies to help manage her anxiety, but wouldn't press the issue. I admit this manipulation, but my hopes were to open her mind to the idea that she can get help if she wants it. Her own anxiety is why she never did. Ultimately, I had to walk away from the marriage.
My daughter is nearing thirty years old. She is not a child. And I'm happy to say we have a great relationship. Her regular calls should be proof enough of that.
For those wondering why my anger is so hard to control: Prior, I never really got angry. I was raised with the belief that if something happens, it's happened. You have no control over it, so don't let it bother you. I just didn't have much of any experience with anger because of this. When I started to feel it, I just bottled everything. I ignorantly believed I had control.
The update:
I had a zoom call with my children. I started by apologizing to my daughter. I'd never spoken to either of them about why their mother and I divorced, so I explained to them why our relationship fell apart while trying to keep their mothers involvement as minimal as I could. I confessed my mental health struggles with anger. I made it clear that it wasn't her fault. I found out that their mother told them a similar version, but put the impetus on herself. So now they have the whole picture.
The conversation went well. I answered theirs questions as best I could. I reassured my daughter she can always speak to me, and she can vent to me. She asked if it would help if she let me know ahead of time that she wants to vent about work, and it was embarrassing, but I asked if she could. We've agreed that she'll text me "bad work day", and if I'm able to, I'll call her. My son didn't have much to say, but he did tell his sister she can call him to vent, too.
All in all, things are pretty okay. I did schedule an appointment with my therapist. At this point, I've only been seeing her once a month, but this incident merited a call. Also, my daughter has decided to see a therapist for her anxiety, but she insists she doesn't want to leave the federal government. She says the job security outweighs the risk with the future economy being so uncertain. I'm proud of her.
Not much else to say. Thank you everyone for your kindness and time. For everyone who was hostile with me? I hope you find your own peace.
Cheers! | RiotHyena | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ow6bya/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_that_if_she_wont/ | ow6bya | 6,610 | 332 | [
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2021-08-02T03:41:35 | OP Kicks Her Step Daughter Out After She Calls OP A Home Wrecker | AITA | [Original Post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oexjqy/aita_for_telling_my_step_daughter_to_leave_the/)
AITA for telling my step daughter to leave the house after she called me a home wrecker?
My step daughter and I don't have a good relationship. I have been in her life since she was 9. Her father and I started dating three months after he filed for divorce. we were colleagues for a short while about an year before their divorce but we didn't have any relationship back then. I left the firm just 6 months after we started working together. I didn't even think about him once till we reconnected at a party hosted by one our colleague.
His ex wife thinks that we had an affair with me. There is nothing we can do to convince her otherwise. She told her daughter about her suspicions when she was around 13. we had a great relationship till then and I tried to tell her that her dad didn't cheat. She doesn't believe us. It is just our words against her mother and the timeline does look a bit suspicious.
She withdraw from me and she has always been distant since then and sometimes she made some remarks about her father being a cheater and it was very hard on both of us. It was something we tried to talk about but it was just our words against her mother's and she truly believed it.
She returned home for summer break after her freshman year. She decided to spend most of the time with her mother but she does visit us a few times. She visited us two days ago. She was in a remarkably bad mood. she was just stewing in silence and watching something on TV. I asked her to turn the volume down as I was working.
She blew up on me. She called me a home wrecker and a gold digger. She accused me of ruining her parents' marriage. I was stunned and shocked and it hurt me. I knew she didn't like me but she clearly hated me. I think her calling me a gold digger hurt the most. I am at a stage of my career where I want to switch to something less stressful but one of the reasons I don't is because we don't want her to be burdened by debt. I love this girl even if she didn't care about me.
I asked her to leave the house and come back when she could was a bit calmer. She left the house and she is not talking to her father. He tried to talk to her and she is not speaking to him. I feel incredibly guilty. I should have handled it better. I got too emotional about it.
I really can't blame her for believing what her mom told her. If my mom told me something similar about dad I would have believed it and I can't blame her mother too. if you believed that your spouse cheated wouldn't you tell your children at some point? I let her words get to me and I may hurt my husband's relationship with his her. I feel guilty as hell. My husband also think that I should have been calmer here and just let her vent a bit before talking to her.
Edit : she is in college,
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ow570q/update_aita_for_telling_my_step_daughter_to_leave/)
I was overwhelmed with the amount of comments I received. I read most of them but some of them where pretty judgmental and harsh on all of us. She did make up with her dad a few days after but she didn't come over.
Some people suggested that I show her evidence but the funny thing is that I have none because we had no relationship outside of the office. He was an email address and nice voice on the phone for my time there. I think we interacted in person maybe once a week. we were not even in the same department. I have shown her our resume. I have tried to show her our id tags but she thinks we are hiding our relationship. you can't prove a negative.
My husband did have a conversation about how she treated me. I think it got through to her.
She visited yesterday. She apologized for being short tempered. I apologized for kicking her out the house. we had a nice dinner and we ended up talking. My baby got cheated on. She did lash out on me but considering what she believed. She just took out all the hurt on me.
She looked so heart broken talking about it. I know how bad it is. When you love someone so much that even when they trample your heart you just want to pick it up and offer it back to them. I had just gotten out of a toxic, messed up relationship with a cheating asshole when I met my husband.
it was heart breaking watching her go through something similar. I did cry a little. she let me hug her and that means a lot to me. I missed my baby. we have so much to work through. we are seriously considering having some family therapy but I didn't want to spring it on her when she emotional. My husband is planning to talk to her about it. Things are still a mess but after a long time I feel like we are moving in the right direction. | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ow6qoq/op_kicks_her_step_daughter_out_after_she_calls_op/ | ow6qoq | 4,794 | 584 | [
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2021-08-02T03:49:42 | AITA for not sharing my car with my stepbrother? | AITA | [Original ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ouqohj/aita_for_not_sharing_my_car_with_my_stepbrother/)
AITA for not sharing my car with my stepbrother?
My parents are divorced but cordial. My mother married my stepdad when I was 11. I have a stepbrother who is my age and a half brother who is 4. My dad recently brought me a new car for my birthday. My brother also had bought a car which he bought with his money, it was second hand but in good condition. Just a few days after I got my car he had a crash in which his car was severely damaged. This was not the first time he was reckless with a car, earlier he had almost crashed his father's car as well with me in the backseat and his father in the front. It is one of the reasons my stepdad refused to buy him a car.
A few days backwhen I returned from my friend's house who lived nearby I saw my car gone from the driveway. I immediately ran into the house and started looking asking my mom and stepdad about it. My stepdad looked bewildered but my mom calmly got up from her seat and told me she had given my car to my stepbrother to go visit his friends who live quite some distance away. I started to panic and asked her why she would do that. She simply said it's what siblings do and from then on me and my stepbrother could use the car on alternate days.
By this point my stepdad had come over to us and told her she shouldn't have done it without my permission. He told her if anything happened to the car then she would have to pay. She agreed. Well, my somethingdid happen. Stepbrother crashed the car,hood, headlights and airbags needed to replaced. I informed my father about this and after assessing the damage he learning what led to this, he immediately said either stepbrother or mother has to pay for part of the repair cost which the insurance doesn't cover. My mother tried to negotiate but he wouldn't budge. She asked stepdad and he wouldn't help either so she had to give the money from her savings.
Yesterday, after the car had come back form the mechanic, she came to me and asked for my car keys. I asked what was up and she reminded me of the alternative day policy. I told her she was out of her mind to even think that I would share the car with my stepbrother after all this but she just said she had promised stepbrother his share of days and that is also the reason she had the car repaired so both of us could use it. I took the car keys and locked the door of my room. She then called me ungrateful. My stepbrother said I was depriving him of meeting his friends and he was suffering. My stepdad later came and put stop to it.
The only reason I think I might me the asshole is because I know my stepbrother wasn't lying about his mental health issues, he has had to see a therapist because of it. Hos friends have been really helpful in his struggle with his mental health. And my mother did say she would pay for the damages. So, I don't know, should I just give my stepbrother another chance? AITA?
Also, I did offer to drive my brother to his friends but he straight up refused saying it would embarrass him.
UPDATE
*Added as an edit*
Okay, so thank you all for taking the time to comment and the awards. So there have been a few major revelations since my last post.
Firstly I called up dad so he could convince mom not to pressure me into giving the car to my stepbro. Dad told mom it was wrong of her to expect me to share my car (which is in dad's name btw, will be transferred to me when I turn 18) when my stepbrother has time and again proved that his driving skills cannot be trusted (the call was on speaker so I heard it all). She resisted at first but said okay.
When the call ended, she told me that we need to clear some things out. I honestly thought she was going to pressure me again but instead she started crying and said that the main reason she wanted him to drive a car was because he was extremely nervous about driving ( his mother passed away in a car accident).
Some of his classmates had badly bullied him about it and mom had seen him crying one day, shaking and panicking. She had promised him that he would drive a car without any nervousness so basically she would just let him crash cars until he didn't anymore. I personally think this is a highly inappropriate approach to the issue and expressed it to her. She said she understood now but she was too emotionally attached to the issue (I already knew she had been bullied a lot during her high school years as well). She said my brother had confided in her that he feared his new (good) friends would humiliate him like the bullies if they found out he couldn't drive properly (also the reason behind not letting me drive him or taking an uber).
I was shocked. I knew that he was dealing with mental health issues but not that it was this bad. I asked her if stepdad knew. She said no, and stepdad thought he shouldn't drive because of his late wife's death in a similar manner. She told me that he has panic attacks everytime stepbrother crashed a car ( I have never seen him get the news of any of his car crashes so I didn't know) and that stepbro felt ashamed. I said she probably should tell him why stepbro keeps trying to drive. She agreed they had (I assume) a long conversation with voices rising high. I guess they were not on speaking terms because both were being cold to each other ever since and stepdad slept on the couch last night.
I guess stepdad had a talk to with stepbro because he apologized to me today. I forgave him and he also agreed to my offer of driving him and we will go over to his friend's place later today.
The only thing I'm concerned about is my mom and stepdad's rift. She has been cold to everyone and stepdad is not speaking to her and but is still friendly with me. Things were pretty awkward at the breakfast table today. While I'm happy that stepbro's issues got addressed in a positive way, I think I just ruined my mom's marriage.
For those of you asking stepbro refused to drive mom's car because it is the same model as the one his mother passed away in.
Also, me and stepbro are 17. | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ow6usq/aita_for_not_sharing_my_car_with_my_stepbrother/ | ow6usq | 6,166 | 418 | [
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2021-08-02T07:19:23 | [deleted by user] | null | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ow9ll2/deleted_by_user/ | ow9ll2 | 9 | 1,090 | [
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2021-08-02T09:39:44 | [deleted by user] | null | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/owb6v0/deleted_by_user/ | owb6v0 | 9 | 1,130 | [
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2021-08-02T10:56:58 | This one feels really weird to me: OP's girlfriend implies he's a p*do over pubic hair preferences. | Relationship_Advice | [deleted] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/owc47t/this_one_feels_really_weird_to_me_ops_girlfriend/ | owc47t | 9 | 1 | [
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2021-08-02T11:26:18 | This one feels really weird to me: OP's girlfriend implies he's a p*do over pubic hair preferences. | Relationship_Advice | [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hf2uy8/my_girlfriend_21f_of_18_months_asked_my_22m/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) by [u/ThrowRA\_1900222](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRA_1900222/)
&#x200B;
**My girlfriend \[21F\] of 18 months asked my \[22M\] preference about her pubic hair and now finds me "revolting"**
&#x200B;
So yesterday my girlfriend casually asked me how I prefer pubic hair to be groomed. She usually keeps hers short, but neat. I assumed she was just looking to change things up and wanted my opinion so I answered honestly and said that I find completely shaven attractive, but in the grand scheme of things I couldn't care less, it's not a turn off if there's hair, and that I like the way she has it now.
Well it turns out she had had a lecture today at college (she studies psychology) and the topic was on peadophiles. Apparently one of the talking points was that pedophiles are attracted to the lack of body hair.
When she told me this, I asked her "are you seriously calling me a pedophile because I find completely shaven attractive?! Can I just point out that you're 21 and not 12?" She basically skirted around my questions and then stormed out of my apartment when I kept pressing her on it. As she left she called me revolting and is now ignoring my calls and text messages.
What. The. Fuck.
Honestly not even sure where to go from here. We've never had any issues and was planning on proposing in the next year. Where has this even come from?!
**TL;DR:** Girlfriend pretty much called me a pedo because I told her I liked shaved pussy when she asked me my preference.
&#x200B;
[UPDATE:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hins1e/update_my_girlfriend_21f_of_18_months_asked_my/)
She ignored my messages/calls for 3 days, at which point she text me asking if I was free for her to come over for a "movie night". I told her sure, but we need to talk about what happened before anything else. She replied with "about what?".
I figured it was best to wait until I actually saw her in person before trying to discuss the issue, which i did. when she arrived, we sat down and I started by saying that i was upset by our last conversation and I'd like to discuss what happened, at which point she said "it doesn't need to be discussed, can we leave it". I said "Not really no, I'd like to get to the bottom of what actually happened and also discuss your reaction of storming out and not talking to me for 3 days and then acting like nothing has happened."
She basically refused to discuss it, so I told her that if we can't at least discuss what happened then I want to break up and that she needed to get her stuff that she has in my apartment and leave.
She lost her shit. bawling and screaming so much that my neighbour came and knocked on the door to check if everything was okay. He's a chill dude so asked if he could stay whilst she got her stuff together as she seemed to calm down once he was present.
She basically sulked around slamming cupboards whilst she got her stuff and then left.
So yeah, no real answers and im still confused as fuck as to what happened. I text her mom to keep an eye on her as I'm kinda thinking she's losing it. I've never seen her like this and it worries me. she's been blowing up my phone about how she loves me and cant imagine life without me but honestly this whole thing has soured me and I'm struggling to see any way that we will continue this relationship.
thanks to everyone who replied before.
**TL;DR:** My girlfriend baited me into a question about pubic hair, implied I was a pedo, ignored me for 3 days and then tried to act like nothing had happened and so I broke up with her. Fun. | MissBarker93 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/owciqy/this_one_feels_really_weird_to_me_ops_girlfriend/ | owciqy | 3,762 | 545 | [
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2021-08-03T03:11:34 | Welp - "Team Sacked for drinking in office hours" Posted in /r/legaladviceUK | LegalAdviceUK | ***Original:*** [***Team Sacked for drinking in office hours***](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/hgtf88/team_sacked_for_drinking_in_office_hours/)***. Posted in*** /r/legaladviceUK
England
We all work from home due to CV19
Every week since lockdown our manager in a very large company (10k employees) has invited us for a Friday afternoon beer on Zoom.
We all get a cold beer from the fridge and have a chat about the week’s events.
The meetings start at 1600 and finishes at 1700 - office hours.
After this weeks meeting we all got an email from HR saying our manager had video of us drinking in office hours over several weeks and that we are being dismissed immediately for gross misconduct without notice.
One of my colleagues says when my manager poured himself a wine it was grape juice.
Our contracts do state that drinking on duty is a sackable offence!
We were clearly set up!
Is this legal?
All of us have been working for over 5 years and the company usually pays enhanced redundancy but will not pay anything now, not even notice pay!
***Update:*** [***Team Sacked for drinking in office hours update***](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/hhz8v6/team_sacked_for_drinking_in_office_hours_update/)***. Posted in*** /r/legaladviceUK
I got a phone call from my boss over the weekend apologising!
Apparently the email was sent to all zoom users mail group within the company and it was supposed to go to only a couple of people who got very drunk and abusive - sexist and racist during a Friday afternoon drinks session. Some body parts were also waved about!
Apparently zoom meetings are not recorded but the manager where the people were being rude started to record his meeting!
I asked him if he was drinking and he says he was. I need to find out where the rumours that they were drinking apple juice cane from.
This afternoon access to works systems have been restored and there is an email form HR confirming that the original email was sent to the whole group in error and confirming that social team building alcoholic drinks are acceptable but to be wary of those in the workforce that don’t drink for health, religious or other reasons and to ensure all are included.
Don’t know what to think really and expect that this Fridays meeting will be a little on the subdued side! | almostselfrealised | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/owumhw/welp_team_sacked_for_drinking_in_office_hours/ | owumhw | 2,340 | 530 | [
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2021-08-03T06:48:02 | Woman's Husband Is Spending Hours In The Bathroom On TikTok | AITA | [Original Post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ndtjqu/aita_for_not_telling_him_dinner_is_ready/)
AITA for not telling him dinner is ready?
My husband has an obsession with TikTok, he’s 40 btw not 14. He takes his phone to the bathroom and will spend ages just mindlessly scrolling. We have 2 young kids and I think he just does it for some peace. But it means I’m constantly having to go and knock on the door are you ok? Are you going to be long? Will you come and help with the tiny humans? It’s a PITA.
I was making a full roast dinner and saw him heading off upstairs. I said it’ll be ready in 20 minutes don’t be long. Set the table, Finished cooking, plated up got the kids to the table and just thought I’m not going to seek him this is ridiculous. I 100% wanted to see how long it would take him to come out on his own- 2 hours and 10 minutes. In that time we had finished the meal, I had cleaned the kitchen and the floor, done the dishes and done a load of laundry and the kids were half way through a film.
He came down and and yelled at me that I should have told him the meal was ready. I told him I’m not his mother and it’s not my job to go and seek him. He’s stormed out saying he’s not eating his meal now as roast dinners are rubbish heated in the microwave and this is all my fault and IATA.
*Update found in the comments*
Update- for the people asking. We talked about it last weekend he denied it was a problem. I showed him this thread and asked him to read the replies. He was angry initially that I made the post but did read the replies. He has a lot of things going on at work recently and his mental health has been spiraling as a result. He has an appointment with his doctor to discuss his MH next week.
In the meantime he has deleted tik tok entirely from his phone. To all the people suggesting porn or drug addiction- that’s not the case at all. Thanks for all the help it really is appreciated. He has apologized sincerely and is making a concerted effort to spend more time with the kids | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/owxuuf/womans_husband_is_spending_hours_in_the_bathroom/ | owxuuf | 2,057 | 1,001 | [
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2021-08-04T10:50:35 | OP's rattling week : a mentally ill neighbour obsesses with their door | Advice | *This is a Repost of* [u/REBELinBLUE](https://www.reddit.com/user/REBELinBLUE/)'s *OP on* r/Advice*. The videos and photos' links have been removed.*
[ORIGINAL](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/l9deas/strange_behaviour_from_new_downstairs_neighbour/)
# Strange behaviour from new downstairs neighbour
Not sure if the is the right subreddit, I hope so.
So a few weeks ago (8th) I moved into my newly purchased top floor flat in London; the day after I got a knock on my front door, the woman at the door introduced herself saying she had just moved into the building and I said oh me too. That is fair enough, it's nice to introduce yourself to your neighbours.
Now obviously I am working from home due to lockdown so am here most of the time. Randomly throughout the day I would hear what would sound like a thump on my door but whenever I opened it there was no one there, this happened a few times. One time I saw her shortly afterwards and I asked if she had just knocked and she said no.
Then one day she did knock whilst I was working, I opened the door and we just had a conversation, she was talking lots of crap and it was difficult to get rid of her but it became obvious from the conversation that she is renting the flat below and the landlord has illegally subdivided it (my question isn't to do with this) so she is in a tiny flat and she is currently off work because she works security at clubs... so I just thought ah she must just be bored and lonely and just needed someone to talk to; again absolutely no problem. She mentioned the door of the flat not fitting properly so having to slam it to close it (which I have since witnessed) so I decided that it must be the sound I kept hearing.
Anyway last weekend I put up my HomeKit camera above my front door (complete coincidence, I already had it just hadn't gotten round to putting it up; after getting permission from the freeholder) and it kept telling me about motion and when I checked there was nothing; I realised I had it set not to record when I was home just to stream so changed it. The camera is clearly visible
Then yesterday when I was out it alerted me to motion by my front door and she was there having a conversation with me... I am not 100% sure what she said but people I have shown the clip to think "Stephen can I go now as he's not going to be coming in"... fuck knows. Anyway when I got home I knocked and asked her if everything was OK and if she wanted anything, she said everything was fine. I asked if she ever hears me making noise and she said no she doesn't hear anything but I said just let me know.
Yesterday afternoon at about 13:30 I was sitting on the sofa, headphones on, no sound in the flat and I got a notification I check the camera and it showed her coming up to my front door, slamming the ball of palm of her hands hard against the door turning around and leaving.
I then realised I'd been missing notifications (not quite sure how) all week about motion outside my door and there were loads of clips of her doing something like this, sometime just coming up and touching the door and leaving, sometimes just coming up to the door turning around and leaving (bit weird but not annoying.... I assume maybe some form of OCD) but there were several recordings of her slamming on the door like at 4am on Wednesday morning then at 2am this morning.
Were it not for the weird conversation with no one and the actual banging on the door I wouldn't be concerned and would just put it down to a harmless tick or something (as I said, maybe OCD) but the actual slamming on the door is disturbing and now better explains all the previous times I have heard it.
Just wanted some advice on what to do, I am trying to catch her in the act but that is hard as she immediately leaves... I had the camera just showing on my TV for like 2 hours today to try and see her coming, I don't really want to confront her without catching her in the act since I had already previously asked about the knocking on the door and she said it wasn't her. I am going to keep the recordings and email her landlord (who is annoyingly also the freeholder), ask him not to do anything yet but just raising it as a concern that he needs to be aware of (but as he has already illegally subdivided I doubt he cares as long as he is getting money....). She is clearly unwell.
Just wondered if anyone had any other advice on what I should do, I thought maybe contact the police but I suspect they would tell me just to keep a log for now. I asked a social worker friend who said the most unhelpful thing "That is the problem with technology, if you didn't have it you wouldn't even know".... like yeah that is true but that doesn't excuse banging on my door at 4am (can't remember if it woke me but next time I wake in night I will check the camera... because it is always literally one knock so presumably it would wake me and I wouldn't be aware that someone had/was knocking).
UPDATES
[(1)](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/li84c6/update_strange_behaviour_from_new_downstairs/)
I thought I would just post a quick update in regards to [https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/l9deas/strange\_behaviour\_from\_new\_downstairs\_neighbour/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/l9deas/strange_behaviour_from_new_downstairs_neighbour/)
Thanks for your advice everyone.
So I have been keeping the recordings. On the next evening, I contacted the police saying I was concerned about her behaviour not that I was complaining about the nuisance. They advised me to contact Lewisham Environmental Health Office, as it was late I didn't really think about it but the next day I realised someone was just fobbing me off, what has it got to do with EHO? So I didn't bother
Over the next few days, it escalated, becoming more frequent so I contacted them again only to be told they have noted it down but there is nothing they can do at this stage but to keep informing them. It continued to escalate that day, getting more violent *\[link removed\]* so I contacted them at 10pm and they said they would report it to the Safer Neighbour Team who would contact me.
The next day they turned up, although there was some confusion because even though I have a SE26 postcode which is Sydenham I am actually in Forest Hill (looked it up and the boundary literally runs down the middle of the road so one side is Sydenham the other Forest Hill). I showed them the footage, including videos at 2am and 4am and they agreed that it is creepy and concerning, they asked if I wanted them to speak to her but said it possibly wasn't a good idea until they can report it to the correct Neighbourhood Team as it may make things escalate further. I agreed. So they gave me the contact details for the Forest Hill team and asked me to email them the videos.
Before I got round to it I got a phone call from the team just confirming how to get to the flat (it is a bit of a PITA to find) but as I was out I said they may not be able to get in as the front door is normally locked and I am the only one with a doorbell.
We agreed that they would talk to her as if there was a concern for her rather than about her. They phoned me back in the afternoon and said they had spoken to her and she seemed normal if maybe a bit slow, she denied knocking on the door and they said they had seen footage to which she said she was just knocking to chat and they told her it was not appropriate at 4 in the morning. At this stage, I think they assumed I was probably someone just complaining about a noisy neighbour and she maybe wasn't very bright and hadn't realised the problem with knocking at 4 in the morning. But they asked me to send them the videos so I sent a couple of choice highlights like the one above and one of her racing up the stairs doing it and racing back down... I got back the reply "OK Yeah, those videos speak for themselves don't they!"
They concluded, like I had, that she was unwell so referred the case to social services. They advised that maybe she was sleepwalking and that I should maybe get a stair gate for now. I said I didn't want to because I was worried that if she was sleepwalking she may try and climb over and hurt herself but I would keep it under advisement.
Tuesday night she kept me up most of the night, then again Wednesday night, I missed work yesterday due to lack of sleep. At this point I thought "fuck it I really don't care if she hurts herself now" so brought a stair gate... but I am not an arsehole so did look for one wide enough to go on the landing so that if she fell she wouldn't fall down the stairs but unfortunately the only one I could find was 4 to 6 weeks delivery so settled for one on the top of the stairs. I also contacted the officier again to ask if there was any news and he said once it had been referred it was out of their hands so he had no idea but said I might want to report it again and consider a harassment report.
I informed the freeholder than I was installing a gate at the advice of the police and his response was simply "OK thanks".
Yesterday I was out at the shop over the road and she came in, she left before me and after I came out she came running across the road saying she had locked herself out of her flat and could she wait in mine, obviously there was no chance so I made up a lie about just doing some shopping then going to a meeting so I put my shopping away and went out for a walk. By the time I was back someone had come with the key thankfully.
I installed the stairgate last night when it arrived.
She didn't knock overnight but I am 99% sure that is a pure coincidence as the camera would have caught her coming up the stairs... Literally, as I said this to a colleague she came up the stairs, climbed over and banged on the door.
It slowed her down enough for me to get to the door to confront her but she just ignored me. A few minutes later she came out and opened the gate. So I went out and put a bike lock on it to see what happened.
Half an hour later the camera has her coming out, checking to see if I was there then realising there is something on the gate so examining it, then when I came out she legged it. That was enough evidence for the police to finally take it seriously, sleepwalking people don't check to see if anyone is watching them or stop to examine locks so they are sending someone out today but said to phone back immediately if she becomes aggressive.
She's been back to look at it a few times so far.
Exhausting!
[(2.a) - The same day](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/li84c6/update_strange_behaviour_from_new_downstairs/gn48zsm/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) (Friday)
Unfortunately, they haven't been able to send anyone today as the officer I had been dealing with has to self isolate but said someone would be out tomorrow but if she threatens me or anything, of course, to immediately call 999.
[(2.b)](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/li84c6/update_strange_behaviour_from_new_downstairs/gn48zsm/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *\[link removed\]* oh and here goes tonight's performance it seems
[(3.a) The next day](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/li84c6/update_strange_behaviour_from_new_downstairs/gn5ndlc/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) (Saturday)
UPDATE: Nothing much to report over night after [https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/li84c6/update\_strange\_behaviour\_from\_new\_downstairs/gn48zsm/?utm\_source=reddit&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/li84c6/update_strange_behaviour_from_new_downstairs/gn48zsm/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
She came up at just before 1 and just before 1:30 and did the usual thing although not particularly aggressively, didn't wake me. All been quiet since.
I'll tell you one good thing about the last few days, it has helped reset my sleep schedule which has been messed up since the first lockdown :)
It has certainly been cathartic writing this all down in one place; been chatting about it with friends and colleagues on WhatsApp etc for weeks but having it all written down like this has made me realise just how ridiculous this has all been.
[(3.b)](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/li84c6/update_strange_behaviour_from_new_downstairs/gn8wwml/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
So, eventful afternoon.
The police came. They knew most of it because they'd seen the videos but I explained about last night, I also explained how she asked to wait in my flat the other day after locking herself out apparently with a dead phone and how I went down with a battery so she could power her phone to phone her landlord and it was magically working all of a sudden and the officer was like "Oh yeah, of course it was".
So they went to speak to her, and when I let them out I stupidly locked myself out going to put the lock back on the gate. I normally leave the door lock on the latch when I am letting someone out or going to check the mail but obviously I have stopped doing that but because I hadn't left my keys in the usual place I forgot to pick them up. (I have been planning to leave a spare key at the office and with a friend but of course we've been in lockdown since I moved in that has not happened)
Because I was locked out I heard the entire conversation with her. She of course denied it, they said she was harassing her neighbours banging on the door aggressively at all times of day and night; she said she is the one being harassed by music but she'd spoken with David (the guy next door to her) and they've come to an arrangement, he is ill so isn't there and has people looking after the flat coming in and out at odd times but he would speak to them and make sure they are respectful (that would explain why I said it seemed like he kept odd hours; and why the one time I saw him he was in a dressing gown at like midday on a Wednesday). She asked to see "the so called CCTV" but they said that they can't do that.
So she apparently thinks it is the flat next door... which means she hasn't noticed the camera.
So anyway they said they are not sure they believe her but that she is clearly unwell so they are contacting mental health services and will keep me informed, but to keep letting them know of any incidents and they may have to take it down the harassment route.
I am also not sure I believe that she doesn't know what is going on either, apart from all the other stuff, when I was waiting outside for the locksmith she opened her window and gave me the dirtiest look ever.
When the locksmith came, he was asking what lock I wanted as a replacement and I choose the stronger of the 3, he said I don't think you need that one here so I explained why and he was like "what the fuck, that has given me goosebumps" and "I understand how you managed to forget your key, you must be stressed out.". He told me to claim on my building insurance and advised that I get a camera so I pointed at it; he said there is no way she is getting through the door so no need to worry about that.
So yeah a £560 bill was not what I was expecting today, but I guess at least I know I now have a good lock.
[(3.c)](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/li84c6/update_strange_behaviour_from_new_downstairs/gnbm7u6/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
Obviously the visit from the police and the higher gate haven't worked, not that I thought they would.
*\[link removed\]*
That was a very gentle one, that is what they were all like when it started which is why I first thought "OK that's a bit odd but harmless, maybe OCD" but obviously it escalated rapidly
[(4.a) on Sunday](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/li84c6/update_strange_behaviour_from_new_downstairs/gned9gf/?context=1)
Another update. So she did the above again shortly afterwards and then was gone all night. I woke at 6:30 but looking at the camera she was back to banging hard at 6:30 so I guess she woke me, she did the same at 9:30
And then at 11:30 this...
*\[link removed\]*
Really fucking creepy. Some debate amongst the friends I have shared it with as to what she is saying; either "Steve ....unintelligible..... in you" or "Steve ....unintelligible.... was it you?" 😬 sending that one onto the police as that one is really fucking creepy.
My mum (who is originally from this part of London, as is the woman downstairs) says she can hear "somebody's taken summink". I said I couldn't and she replied "That's cos you've got a posh Sussex accent!" 😮
[(4.b)](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/li84c6/update_strange_behaviour_from_new_downstairs/gnhb4vq/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
Of course it has started again tonight, so I wanted to see what would happen if there was a noise so I whistled through the camera speaker and well.... watch her reaction
*\[link removed\]*
I am sure she knows what is going on now, I think that's it, no more concern for her it's time to speak to the police about filing charges like they suggested
[(5.a) on Monday](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/li84c6/update_strange_behaviour_from_new_downstairs/gnily1x/?context=1)
MAJOR UPDATE: sitting in bed at 8am thinking I really should get up and she kicked the fucking door in and left, so much for not getting through that lock (well I supposed she didn’t, she got through the frame)
Police are of course on the way, I am sitting here bracing the door. She keeps coming back and knocking saying my name and at least once “I didn't do it”.
Fuck fuck fuck
\-------------------------------------------------------
She just tried to get in “are you ok?” “The door downstairs was open, I’ve called the police”. She’s gone now. Police are a few minutes away
\-------------------------------------------------------
“Steve can I get you anything? Anything missing? Fucking hell I keep asking people to lock that door you know what I mean?” Completely fucking off her head
\-------------------------------------------------------
They sure are taking their time, called straight away at 8 and then again at 8:27 and they were a few minutes away.... that was 25 minutes ago
\-------------------------------------------------------
They are here
\-------------------------------------------------------
She is being arrested for criminal damage initially, and it turned out she entered the flat so possibly burglary as well. She was in here for half a minute or so it turns out, thank fuck she didn’t find me if that is what she was looking for
[(5.b)](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/li84c6/update_strange_behaviour_from_new_downstairs/gnkxn86/?context=1)
She has been charged and released, what the fuck! I broke out in a cold sweat when they said that. *\[link removed\]* Barricaded the door and my bedroom door. first time the camera alert goes off and it is straight onto 999
I thought the landlord had moved her stuff out but it seems not, that must have been people in the other flat moving things around
[(6.a) on Tuesday](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/li84c6/update_strange_behaviour_from_new_downstairs/gnmtket/)
So I was wrong with this [https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/li84c6/update\_strange\_behaviour\_from\_new\_downstairs/gnkxn86/?context=1](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/li84c6/update_strange_behaviour_from_new_downstairs/gnkxn86/?context=1)
She is definitely still here, she must have been very quiet coming in; and as nothing happened over night this says to me that it was very much deliberate and she knew what was going on (not that there was any doubt at this stage). I wonder if she thought the camera was fake since the police refused to show her any footage so she thought it was just her word against mine... presumably at the station yesterday they showed her so she knows she is banged to rights.
Someone just turned up and I was being nosy. They told her “the council have cancelled your accommodation, you need to vacate by 1pm and contact them for alternative arrangement” she is obviously arguing “I am not doing anything until I find out what is going on, this ain’t right coz of Covid”.
Will listen out to what happens at 1pm.
[(6.b)](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/li84c6/update_strange_behaviour_from_new_downstairs/gnn1fza/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
UPDATE: She just knocked on my door and said "I'm asking for the key for this unholy eviction, you don't have any right to be here"
Called 999 as instructed by the officer yesterday and the fucking operator...
"Why are you calling 999?" cheeky fucking bitch! I don't normally use that language but fuck me! even after I explained everything and I that I had been told to immediately call 999 if she approaches my door by the arresting officer yesterday.
>"This is a council matter"
"no it isn't, she broke in yesterday and was charged, I was told to call 999 immediately if she came anywhere near the door!"
“Well there is no danger!”
"You don’t know that, she just walked up and kicked the door in yesterday!"
“Well she may have broken her bail conditions, call the station”
Now on hold with the station as she has probably just broken bail conditions
\-------------------------------------------------------
I am absolutely fuming
>“There are no bail conditions, she hasn't done anything wrong"
"Am I supposed to wait until she breaks in again and attacks me?"
"Well if she does that call 999".
"Are you kidding me? My door isn't even properly fixed yet!"
"When is that being done?"
"Someone is coming to look at it today"
"Oh, well she won't be able to get in then"
"You did hear that she kicked the door in right?"
“Well you’ll need to wait until the arresting officer is on duty”
“When is that?”
“Maybe later today”
I don't fucking know what to do, everyone seems to have washed their hands of it
[(7) on Wednesday](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/li84c6/update_strange_behaviour_from_new_downstairs/gnr7vkw/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
wow, just wow... So the management company just knocked and gave me a new key for the front door of the building they've changed the lock.
They said the council have cancelled her tenancy so aren't paying for her any more and have basically washed their hands of her. (Edit that isn’t quite true, obviously the council can’t do that, but they won’t rehouse her until she is made homeless so have essentially abandoned her here with me until she can be evicted which will be months)
They said, "maybe you can phone the police and say she attacked your door again, then when they come and arrest her we can remove all her stuff and change her locks". Fucking incredible, obviously I refused. They are waiting around hoping she goes out.
Fucking hell, like even if they do that, she is just going to be waiting outside to get back in, what the hell is she going to do when she finds out she can't get back in the building? Jesus fucking christ
I have also sent a long email to my MP, who turns out to be the Shadow Solicitor General, detailing all of this; even though she won't be able to do anything in the short term the attitude of the police surely needs to be investigated.
[(8.a) on Thursday](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/li84c6/update_strange_behaviour_from_new_downstairs/gnv4igd/?context=1)
UPDATE:
Of course was woken up by her continuing to bang at 4am not even sure if there is any point calling the police, they clearly don’t give a fuck... after telling me she “isn’t doing anything wrong” by knocking when I called the station, to yesterday telling me “she’s only knocking, get a better lock” to calling 101 yesterday and having been told someone would be out and no one ever arrived. I phoned victim support at 4am and they have advised me to call back at 8am once the Lewisham office is open and they will help me raise a formal complaint about the police
Starting hammering hard again at 6:55 with both hands like the video in the post. Phoned 101, the operator was incredulous that nothing been done after reading back through the record. Sending someone again (apparently) and is contacting the council, advised me to do so also (which I already planned to anyway). In all the confusion and sleep deprivation I accidentally deleted the video rather than exporting it.... not that it should matter at this stage and I still have the 4am
[(8.b)](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/li84c6/update_strange_behaviour_from_new_downstairs/gnvn9vo/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
UPDATE:
I phoned the Independent Office for Police Conduct at 9am, after 45 minutes on hold I was finally told just go to our website 😂
Social services didn't want to know either, just put me through to the community nurse which seemed to be a single person so it was just an answer phone so I have left a pleading message.
The nurse called me back, she doesn't seem to be known to them.... they have someone with that name (she wasn't even supposed to tell me that) but she is older than this woman seems to be, like significantly older, like when I said she was apparently a security guard the nurse said no it can't be her then. I said she certainly seems like she could have been, she is well built and took the door down in one kick, the nurses response was "jesus christ". She was actually quite shocked and genuinely frightened by all the things I described, said there is no way the police should have released her. But of course, once again there is nothing she can do until the police or GP refer her.
At this point, I phoned the station back and was ranting about everything which has happened since she was released, how I have been treated badly and told pathetic things like "it's just knocking" and "get another lock", and that the community nurse said there is no way in hell she should have been released & whilst the operator was typing all of this up I got an email from the arresting officer saying he would phone me at 2pm.
30 seconds later I got an email from the letting agent saying she had vacated the property, she's gone! I went down to confirm this is true and it does seem to be the case :D
Thank Christ for that! I really hope she gets the help she clearly needs, but god that is a weight off
[(9.a) on the next Friday](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/li84c6/update_strange_behaviour_from_new_downstairs/gnzduqg/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
UPDATE:
So of course the arresting officer who was going to call me "just after starting work at 1400 hours" never did, for the second time in 3 days. Similarly after calling 101 in a panic at 7 am as she was pounding on the door like in the original video in this thread no one has turned up, for the second day running. It is as if they think if they just ignore it then it will go away, I mean I suppose it has, at least for me, but through no action of theirs. As far as they know she is still here and still a threat to me; all that is going to happen is she is going to presumably start the whole thing over again elsewhere, I dread to think what might happen... think I will set up a Google news alert for her name.
Thanks, everyone for your advice and support over the last week, it has been really helpful and comforting. Just getting this all written down has helped me realise just how utterly insane this whole situation has been, I think if you don't write these things down there is a risk that you start to think you are over exaggerating. Similarly when friends and family react there is a possibility that they may be overly concerned or siding with you since they know you but when a bunch of strangers are just as concerned about the whole thing it shows just how scary it was.
This weekend I shall definitely be sorting out that complaint to the IOPC, and my friend's wife advised me to still write to the local councillors responsible so that they are at least aware of what has been going on and the police's seeming indifference to it; leaving it a couple of days until I am a bit more level headed, calmer and can frame it better rather than just being an angry, frustrated & scared rant.
Guess this is the final update. If I actually hear back from the police I may post again but at this stage, it doesn't feel at all likely given their response so far.
If the CPS decide it is not in the public interest to go to court, or once it has been through court I will do a new thread just to share the videos of Monday and the times since so that people can see how scary it is. I was rewatching the break-in and the following hour last night and either she is the world's best actor or the police are utterly insane, it is like 2 completely different people.
<edit> I just noticed that someone gave me a week of Reddit premium in the last week, whoever it was thank you, I have been too preoccupied and sleep-deprived to notice 😂
[(9.b)](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/li84c6/update_strange_behaviour_from_new_downstairs/go13jpw/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
Just got a call from the police. Realised of course the officer who I have been speaking to wasn't the arresting officer it was the officer who took my statement... obvious really; not sure why I wrote down arresting officer with my notes on Monday, probably a combination of shock and adrenaline.
He said she was charged with criminal damage and admitted it, he has checked the file and was surprised there was no condition on her bail to stay off of this floor... he said it was even filled in badly so he has already complained to the line manager of the PC in charge of the case.
I said about her knocking and telling me to hand over my keys because I am being evicted and he replied "yeah she is clearly crazy...." I bit my tongue and stopped myself from saying "So why is no one referring her?" (Presumably because she admitted it).
Anyway, long story short she is in court in the next 10 days. So that's it. I'll do a final post in a few weeks when/if I know the outcome and post the other videos.
[(10) on the next Monday](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/li84c6/update_strange_behaviour_from_new_downstairs/goec3io/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
So...
It would appear it isn’t quite over. She knocked on my door at 9 pm, I didn’t even notice, it was only because when going to bed at 10:30 pm I noticed that the landing light was on (in Apple Home) so I looked at the camera and there she was knocking at 9 pm (knocking like a "normal" person... except for the fact that she had no reason to be there)
So I walked down the stairs to make sure the front door is locked muttering “fucking twats” about the people leaving it open and there she was standing in the entrance to the building in the pitch-black swaying back and forth and completely out of it not responding.
I quickly went back to my flat, called 999 and they were going to dispatch the police and an ambulance but asked if she was still there, I checked and she was gone. I guess me going back up the stairs snapped her out of it because she must have been there for 90 minutes.... fucking weird.
Sent the letting agent of the other flat an email asking them to remind them to lock the fucking door, I have tried asking them and they never answer their door (as said in another comment, my understanding is that the tenant is ill so isn't there and has family coming in and out checking on the place... 🤷♂️)
[(11) on the next Tuesday](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/li84c6/update_strange_behaviour_from_new_downstairs/goi80m7/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
So yet another update. I said I would make a new post after it went to court but I wasn't expecting it to be within a day of my last post (well actually it would have been before it)
I received a call from the police today, she was in court yesterday and pleaded guilty, sentencing is delayed until 10th June because, surprise surprise, she has other ongoing cases...
So here are the videos for last week show just how utterly insane it is
Monday
Breaking in *\[link removed\]*
Saying she didn't do it *\[link removed\]*
Returning *\[link removed\]*
Trying to get in *\[link removed\]*
Tuesday
Asking me to hand over my keys *\[link removed\]*
Wednesday
Something's broke *\[link removed\]*
Just..... yeah no idea *\[link removed\]*
Asking for the door key? Maybe, not sure, this was after the management company changed the lock on the front door *\[link removed\]*
Where are you? *\[link removed\]*
Freezing on the spot outside my door at 7pm *\[link removed\]* then on the stairs 20 minutes later *\[link removed\]*
Harry is it you there? *\[link removed\]* That is not the first time she mentioned Harry
But sure, let's treat her like she is completely rational
I left a note for the neighbour downstairs about the door, they came up and apologised this evening, said they didn't realise there was anyone else still living in the building they thought everyone was moving out and he was the only person left (and he is gone soon) so he had just been lazy and not been locking the door but will do so now.
Also got a reply from my MP (or her office) they have written to the police highlighting the concern for her mental health and also to the local council over the fact that she does not seem to be receiving help.
[(12) on the next Thursday](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/li84c6/update_strange_behaviour_from_new_downstairs/gorbjvl/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
Believe it or not, another update.
I received a message from the neighbourhood police officer who originally visited my neighbour weeks ago, he was going to advise me to take out an injunction but in the conversation it became clear he thought she still lived in the building.
He obviously couldn't say what, but said something happened on the 23rd (the day after I found her in basically in a trance in the entrance of this building days after she had moved out), the police were called and they took her to A&E as she told them she wanted help.
Obviously I don't know what happened, but I am glad to hear that she has asked for help, hopefully she didn't hurt herself or anyone else and she gets it now.
It's sad how difficult it has been to get someone who is obviously experiencing a severe mental health crisis help, I knew acknowledgement of mental health problems was bad in the UK but hadn't realised just how bad.
[In answer to a comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/li84c6/update_strange_behaviour_from_new_downstairs/gq8u5mr/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
Of course you jinxed it ;) she turned up today, rang my door bell I went down to the front door and there she was… I nearly didn’t open the door but the letting agent of her (old) flat was here cleaning and she said she had come to collect the last of her stuff so I let her deal with her.
But like no acknowledgement of what she did or an apology or anything 🤦♂️🤦♂️
\-------------------------------------------------------
Ha ha, well hopefully that it is now... was a bit of a shock, I wasn't expecting any delivery today but have a few kickstarters due so thought maybe it was one of those turning up unexpectedly so ran down the stairs to get the door before the delivery person left 😂 If the letting agent of those flats wasn't here I wouldn't have opened the door to her.
Went back to the flat and watched the camera whilst working to see if she came up to mine, thankfully she didn't.
\-------------------------------------------------------
Hey. All good thanks, nothing new, nah I don’t thankfully. Had to scare the new tenants a bit because they kept leaving the front door unlocked but as soon as I told them what happened, along with “you wouldn’t want her coming back and trying to get back into this flat” they started locking it 😂😂
Back to dealing with the more normal London issues like people fly tipping in front of my building and rats in the attic…. Probably related (which of course no fewer than 6 different people joked that I was going to find her living up there went I put the camera up there to figure out what was up there 😂😂) | Angry_ACoN | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/oxq467/ops_rattling_week_a_mentally_ill_neighbour/ | oxq467 | 36,938 | 897 | [
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2021-08-04T13:13:58 | Me 25M grew up with parents 48F and 52M who had an open marriage it sort of messed me up and my parents wants to know why I had not spoken to them in almost four years. | Relationship_Advice | [Original post by u/ThrowRA29329323](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ov10hr/me_25m_grew_up_with_parents_48f_and_52m_who_had/?context=3)
I found out when I was around 12 that my parents liked to play around if you can call it that I did not get until I was around 14 what that really meant.
Anyways I kept my mouth shut and focused on myself and moved out when I was 18 and we have barely spoken since.
I ended up becoming very insecure I struggeled when it came to dating and girls and was alone for most of my teens, mom and dad was this perfect couple that was well liked by everyone.
All I can remember is how alone I felt during that time and was too afraid to speak to my parents about how I had it, they were always smiling and seemed to have the perfect marriage while they saw other people while I felt alone and miserable.
They used to go on weekend trips and was alone for many weekends and they rarely brought me along for vacations and I ended up being on my own when they did as well.
I struggle with depression and started seeing a therapist and are on antidepresseants right now, I just felt like I did not matter to my parents at all and see no real reason for why I should talk to them now.
I have not celebrated christmas with them or not been at home since I was 19 because I honestly have nothing but bad memories from living with them I just felt like I was in the way.
Not sure what I should do here my emotions are all over the place I don't think they know I struggle with depression.
_____________________________________________
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/oxpm60/update_me_25m_grew_up_with_parents_48f_and_52m/)
I tried posting this earlier but yeah some other things have also happened so wanted to add that as well.
I dedided to write a letter but ended with me using that letter as reference to what I wanted to say to them instead.
I wrote the letter and actually just planned to drop in in their mailbox and just let them read it.
But honestly after so many years I needed to have the conversation with them so I did.
So I went home and surprise surprise dad and mom had a friend over, the woman who I ran into a few days ago let's call her Claire.
They were just sitting in the living room just talking I asked Claire politely to leave because I need to speak to my parents she said sure and she left, my parents understood I had something discuss and they did not argue.
Apperantly they were talking about me and Claire actually came over because she was worried about me after I basiclly ignored her the other day when I ran into her.
I sat down with my parents had the letter I had written and they understood I had a lot to say.
The whole thing was weird I sounded like a prosecutor trying to convince a jury of all my parents wrongdoings, it ended up being 40 minute indictment of my parents.
I went through all of it how alone I felt, me struggeling with depression, me seeing a therapist, on anti depresseants, me feeling since I was 11 that was always in the way, that I never mattered to them and that other people were always more important.
How Claire who was 25 the same age I am now when she started hanging around with you actually gave more of a damn than you did.
How you (dad) yelled at me when I messed up the settings on the dishwasher while you were away, I was 11 and did not know how it worked and that I offered to wash them by hand which I did.
I was bullied in school and was socially ackward, had no friends and was always alone both at school and at home.
I was 11 and had to deal with being alone on the weekends even christmas was weird and ackward I remember seeing families light christmas trees in our street seeing parents and their kids.
But you guys went to your christmas get togethers and only on christmas day were you home and I honestly felt alone then as well.
I have no such memories or felt any belonging whatsoever and now you keep asking me why I have barely spoken to you for four years ?
I don't know you and you never bothered to get to know me, other people were always more important.
When I found out and understood what you guys were into, I was even more mad why was that more important than me ??
How is it fair that you are happy and I am alone and miserable, it's not fair because you did this to me.
I have spent my childhood alone, my teens alone and now my twenties alone so far I never had a girlfriend because I struggle to trust people and have no idea how to get close to people.
You shared a picture of me on FB one of the few of us together from when I was a kid, saw Claire and your other GF comment on it how cute I was and what a great family we were.
Notice anything on those pictures ? I never smiled.
Why did you even have me to begin with clearly I was just a prop for you to show off to let others know what great parents you were, your FB profiles makes me sick to honest.
Dad wanted to say something and mom just looked stunned and she had tears, I just got up and left and that was that.
I never yelled or called them any names I was surprisingly calm I honestly felt numb walking out but also a lot lighter.
I left my sparekey to their place and just walked back to my place.
Mom has been texting and tried callin me I think they are both struggeling on what to say to me, I just demanded they remove the pictures of me from their FB which they did.
They do not get to pretend to the world like they were great parents anymore I refuse to be a prop.
So that's the update still gonna continue with my therapists or may need to find a new one. | -bonita_applebum | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/oxsfe7/me_25m_grew_up_with_parents_48f_and_52m_who_had/ | oxsfe7 | 5,700 | 672 | [
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2021-08-04T18:00:25 | What the fuck do I do with this cat? | r/Advice | *Please remember, I'm not the original poster*
* [**Original**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/l2ctmn/what_the_fuck_do_i_do_with_this_cat/)
Two days ago, a good friend died. I’m not going into specifics. He was old, he was on oxygen, and he could barely move around.
One of the few things he had going in his life was his cat (which we’ll call Satan for now). He loved that cat, and while the animal was around him it seemed to be polite enough not to try attempted murder.
When I got the notice my friend was in the ER, I met with his son there, and by the time we got there it was too late.
I knew his cat was one of the few things he cared about and offered to go to my friend’s apartment to feed it. He declined saying he’ll get to it later.
The next day, he asked if I would be willing to take the cat. Not gonna lie, I said yes because I loved my friend and because I didn’t want the one thing that kept him constant company on his last days to get out down.
I went to my friends apartment and tried to get the cat into a pet crate, and the animal fought so hard against me that it both broke the crate’s door and shit itself.
I bought a jumbo crate (3’x3’x4’) with two levels and put it in my garage, with a litter box and some food inside the crate. I know this is not an ideal accommodation for Satan, but I don’t know where else to put him.
My brother in law suggested releasing it into the wild. Satan lived its whole life in my friend’s apartment and I don’t know how it’d fare outside.
I have a dog, to boot. A very excitable, very curious, very old, VERY territorial Jack Russel/Rat Terrier mix. I see no way of letting Satan into the main side of the house without an accident occurring.
I can’t let Satan roam free in the garage because it 1) will destroy my brother in law’s tools (I’ve seen it go through furniture like a wood chipper, 2) it will go into the attic of the house which has a bunch of loose insulation and if it shits in there the smell will stay in the (rental) house forever, and 3) someone will inevitably leave the garage open where it’ll escape.
I don’t know what to do. Satan’s been here less than a day and all I know from it is hissing and defensive shitting.
Help, please.
TL;DR I have an old indoor cat that I’m trying to keep from dying. He has no love for me, and the feeling is sort of mutual. My main home is inhabited by a terrier. How do I progress from here?
* [**Update 1 Month Later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/lzmmrb/what_the_fuck_do_i_do_with_this_cat_update_happy/)
Long fucking story short, Satan found a good home! Here he is: PIC
So here’s what happened:
After three days of keeping Satan in the crate, I realized two things.
1) That if I was kidnapped by a random guy coming into my house and brought to a new place, then kept in a cage 24/7, I wouldn’t be too friendly either. And 2) that I can’t keep a cat in a cage indefinitely and just hope the situation magically improves somehow. Besides, I’m kind of tired of getting my hands fucked with every time I try to feed him.
So my wife (the fucking trooper, she) and I decided to make a big compromise and started sleeping in the living room, leaving the cat to be out of the cage completely in my room.
The first three days, he would either run under my bed or into my closet and stare at me with wide eyes while making low guttural noises.
On the fourth day, I decided I would start to talk to it (mainly out of frustration) and start explaining to Satan that although I get it, he needs to chill the fuck out. He seems incredibly confused by this.
Eventually this seemed to work, and despite still not wanting to be touched, he stopped growling at me and signaling an imminent attack. That day I learned that cats understand tone like dogs.
This talking to him continued throughout the week and drove Satan to come out of the closet or under the bed while I was in the room, but if I moved at all he’d hiss and dart back to cover.
Eventually something changed at the start of the second week and Satan started to get on the bed while I was in the room, which lead into him getting on top of furniture while I was in the room.
All throughout the ordeal I’m looking at cat body language videos to try and understand the animal. Also, I’m the only one feeding him and trying to get him to be okay with me being around while he eats.
Somehow, one day I go into the room and, seeing him on the bed, I decide to plop down next to him to see if he’ll attack me. He mrrreeeeewwws lowly, but doesn’t attack, I look away from him, lean back and stay there for a while, pretending like this is not a terrible inconvenience for either of us. Satan obliged me and played along.
Moving into the third week, I can sit in the bed and lay next to Satan and he shows no signs of aggression, so I try my next move: Putting one of my extremities RIGHT NEXT to him.
I do this many times a day, acting like it’s not a big deal, and eventually while laying next to him, I touch him with my knee (I figured if he goes into attack mode, I’d rather have the sweet protection of thick denim).
Satan immediately protests but doesn’t move away, so mid week I try to touch him with my arm and to my surprise he’s okay with that too.
By this point I’ve also made a habit of cleaning his box and opening the blinds for him in the morning so he’ll be able to look out the window. I slow blink before leaving to work and he slow blinks back.
Before I knew it, it was the fourth week and Satan’s letting me pet him for short periods of time and only certain parts of his back, before hissing or lightly swatting (as opposed to the vicious war crimes he was trying to pull off initially).
It’s the middle of the fourth week and at this point, we’ve built enough of a tacit communication that I feel comfortable fully petting him, talking to him, and letting him walk around the house while my dog’s out on a walk.
At this point, I come in the room every day in the morning to change and talk to Satan, and he talks back and DEMANDS to be petted by me. On my off days, I go in the room and he’ll follow me around.
By the end of the fourth week, I play with Satan and he lets me pick him up. I finally realize he was actually a very sweet, super scared kitty that needed to feel safe and be given space, and furthermore everything negative that happened was my fault for not understanding him and pressuring him.
By then, I already feel he’s social enough that I can offer him around, but just for good measure I keep him for one more (fifth) week (which was enough for me to bond with him and feel bad about giving him away).
My wife and I discuss whether or not to keep him, but my dog (who’s named after a Mexican narco, but that’s a different story) ends up going after a cat when we’re walking him (it was dark) and getting hurt, which ends that line of thinking.
The week went by smoothly, and I manage to get his medical records from my friend’s family and the hospital Satan was taken to.
Sixth week, I take to Facebook and, with due disclaimers, I offer him around:
Satan, older cat, needs a new home
Former cat of a loner
Affectionate but needs house without children or other pets
Is curious and playful once it gets comfortable
A lot of people offer to take Satan into their homes, and a lot of people don’t meet the requirements I outlined.
Eventually someone reaches out to me and not only are they a perfect fit for him, they understand all the constraints that go into adapting an older cat into a new home. They came yesterday and I didn’t even struggle to get him into the carrier they brought.
I went into their home today to take some of Satan’s playthings as well as some food I had left over, and although he was hiding under the bed and mrrrewing, he peeked out on the halfway while my wife and I talked to his new owners.
I stressed to these people that if they have any big issues with him he’s 100% returnable, but (unlike me) this isn’t their first adopted cat. We promised to keep in touch, and I came back and cleaned up my room to sleep in it.
One of my knuckles is fucked forever, and I will absolutely never have a cat ever again, but it was a great experience nonetheless.
The fucking end (I hope). | Schattenspringer | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/oxye8l/what_the_fuck_do_i_do_with_this_cat/ | oxye8l | 8,282 | 1,701 | [
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2021-08-04T19:01:38 | As Judge Judy says, fathers are not second-class citizens - "AITA for not wanting to sign away my rights?" | AITA | ***Original:*** [***AITA for not wanting to sign away my rights?***](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j45xn4/aita_for_not_wanting_to_sign_away_my_rights/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) ***Posted in*** /r/amitheasshole
Look I know it’s my choice and I have a right to say no but right now it feels like the rest of the world doesn’t agree
Honestly, I (26m) didn’t know this woman that well when we first met through a dating site. She was 35 and according to her profile was single, never told me she was married. We went out on a few dates for 4 months until she told me she wasn’t interested anymore.
I later found out it was because her HUSBAND was getting suspicious and she needed to cut her losses. But a few months after she contacted me again and told me she was pregnant.
It hadn’t been that long since we slept together and she confessed everything. Her husband still didn’t know yet because she wanted to find out who the father was first.
We did the prenatal paternity test and confirmed her baby is also mine. She had to tell him after that and it was a shit show. He wanted to speak to me and called me like crazy. She got him to leave me alone after telling him I never knew about her being married. We were both lied to by her.
They’re apparently trying to work things out but here’s the thing. Her husband wants me completely out of the picture and is willing to adopt my baby if I terminate my parental rights. He doesn’t want me in their lives at all and this is his only condition or he’s divorcing her and taking their 2 kids.
Don’t know if he can actually do that but she’s begging me to do this or it’ll completely break their family. Neither of them are considering that this is my child too and I want to be in my child’s life. I said I would not and it’s causing all these problems.
She’s called several times telling me how badly this is hurting her family and her kids are hurt and confused because her husband’s temporarily moved out until this condition is met. She feels guilty for doing this to them but says she wants to fix her mistakes and make their marriage work if I could just do this.
Plus to her, it’s a sweet deal for me since I won’t ever have to raise this baby or be responsible financially. I don’t see it that way, I wanna be a dad to my son. But it feels like what I want is hurting everyone else, like her kids.
My close friends who know all this get I wanna do right by my kid, but feel I should walk away from this messy situation as it’ll always be a part of my life if I choose to be involved and it’s possible if her husband is willing to adopt my son after birth, he’ll have a good life.
Nobody else in my life thinks me being in my son’s life is a good idea and I don’t know if it really is such a bad thing.
She’s due in 2 mos and I don’t know what to do. AITA?
***Update:*** [***Update: AITA for not wanting to sign away my rights?***](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lf6hvm/update_aita_for_not_wanting_to_sign_away_my_rights/) ***Posted in*** /r/amitheasshole
It’s been a while since I posted this and a lot has happened since then.
And by a lot I mean I finally became a dad!! My son is healthy and beautiful, most beautiful baby I’ve ever seen. One of the best things to ever happen to me honestly; despite the drama.
Thank you everyone who was helpful and encouraging in this situation. It felt good to know even with what everyone else was saying, I had a right to say no to my ex’s demands and I’m not the one at fault for what happened.
Several of you had suggested I talk to her about switching it around so that I could ask about getting full custody instead of being cut out if her husband had such a problem with me being around. Was a great idea and I feel pretty stupid for not thinking about it myself.
So here’s what happened, I decided to try again and contact her husband because throughout this whole time he was refusing to speak to me. But I just wanted to see if I could get through to him as a last resort.
He agreed for us to talk and I was shocked to find out he’d actually changed his mind about accepting the baby 2 months ago (before I made the post). Originally, he did have that condition that he’d only take her back and adopt my son if I wasn’t in the picture, but decided he didn’t want to raise another man’s baby.
So she lied to me about him still having this condition and this was just her attempt to try to fix everything even though he was planning on going through with the divorce.
He was pretty mad about what she was doing too so he was kind of on my side about it. Did get a lawyer involved and had another talk with her as well after he spoke to her pretty much saying he’d never take her back no matter what she did at this point.
That got her to see trying to keep me out wasn’t going to do anything. I brought up the full custody thing to see if that was something she wanted and she agreed.
To her there was no point in having my son full time with this whole divorce going on and she doesn’t even have her own place (he moved back into their house with kids and she ended up leaving).
Going through with my attorney, I was able to establish paternity after my son was born so that I’d be legally recognized as his father instead of her STBX.
As of right now, he’s with me full-time but she still comes by to visit. Her life is a total mess right now with the divorce and she’s still pretty bitter towards me about it.
It’s not perfect but I’m just so happy having my son in my life. Holding him for the first time, it made all the struggles worth it. It’s definitely overwhelming doing it mostly on my own. But I don’t regret how things played out.
So thanks for the support and advice! It really helped make a difference when I couldn’t see a way out of this without feeling like I was doing something wrong | almostselfrealised | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/oxzqk0/as_judge_judy_says_fathers_are_not_secondclass/ | oxzqk0 | 5,902 | 677 | [
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2021-08-05T01:02:13 | OP's Sister Expects Her To Babysit Her Newborn Every Week | AITA | [Original ](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/o96tfj/my_sister_and_mother_demand_i_watch_the_new_baby/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
Cross post from r/aita, got a few comments saying this would belong here.
My sister and mother demand I watch the new baby 3/7 days a week.
My (25f) younger sister (21f) is pretty pregnant. for the last few weeks she has been demanding that my so(27m) and I babysit her new born every weekend, friday morning-sunday evening, so she and her so(21m) can have some cool off time from being parents, to not over stress.
Each time, I have laughed at her and shut it down with a quick "nope, I won't be." And she gets mad I'm "not helping her out."
Yesterday, she got our mother involved. Mom called me and asked why I was being "a self-centred bitch, and so selfish, she didn't raise me this way" I told her I was a grown ass woman, with my own house and life, and that if I wanted to watch kids as a 2nd job, I'd fucking have some." She sputtered out something about me being a horrible person and hung up on me.
My so and my one aunt 100% is with me, however my mom, dad, and the other 900 family members and friends they got involved are calling me out on Facebook, and blowing up my phone.
Quick edit for a few of the same comments coming up.
my mom knows the full story of what my sister is asking, she essentially did the same thing with me, when I was a bit older. She sees no issues with my sister getting this as well.
I have never had a good relationship with my family besides 16f, aunt, and grandparents. I talk to mom, sister, dad maybe twice a month.
[Update 6 weeks later](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/oxw572/update_refusing_to_babysit_my_sisters_newborn_37/)
Hey, everyone, thank you so much for the support on my last post, thought I'd share an update and answer some questions now that the baby is here.
A lot of comments mentioned that our mother and sister probably spun some sort of tail about how I was just refusing to help period, not take over 45% of parenting.. and well no. Those who I spoke to, knew the entire story. They agreed 2 21 year olds need a break from parenting, our mom did it with me.. why shouldn't sister get the same courtesy.
Whenever family/friends message me about babysitting, or give me shit about it my favourite response has been, "you're right, I am selfish/irresponsible/whatever, and probably not fit to take the baby this weekend, but I can be sure to let sister know you've volunteered your time this week to help her out.
Funny enough, everyone seems to have some generic excuse as to why they can't or won't. "I worked all week, it's my wind down time." "Not my child, not my responsibility."(but somehow it's mine?) And my all time favourite response "It is YOUR responsibility as the oldest to ensure your siblings don't make mistakes, and if they do you take responsibility and don't let them ruin their lives over it, they're still kids who need to have fun. You had your turn."...
People of AITA & EntitledParents.. please take a moment and reread that last response. What would your reaction or response be?
Baby has been here just under 2 weeks now and:
My sister, her SO, and our mother have left multiple messages and voicemails about when they will drop baby off, their expectations for when I have baby, routines, etc. Besides a quick "Not watching your baby this weekend." I have not answered or responded about it.
My SO and I took some advice and invested in a doorbell camera and a few others around the house, and as most of you called it.. my mother and sister attempted to drop baby off at my doorstep, 6 days after it was born.. knocked and tried to run. I spoke through the doorbell and told them they have exactly 2 minutes to pick baby back up, or I was calling CPS for abandonment.
My youngest sister (16f) called me about an hour afterwards explaining our mother had attempted to leave the baby with her as well, but it only earned mom a dirty look, while youngest sister simply stepped over the carrier and walked out of the house. She has been staying with us since.
SO and I have spoken to younger sister, to see how she would feel, and we have a meeting with a lawyer to see if we have any ground to stand on for sister to come and live with us permanently, as our parents are threatening to call the police on my SO and I for kidnapping/holding youngest sister as a hostage.
Oh, before I forget this level of beautiful petty.. our aunt (the only one who has supported us) surprised youngest sister, SO and i, and took us out to her cabin for the weekend.. where youngest sister posted pictures, and tagged our mother, sister, and her SO.. "Man, such an AMAZING weekend, sure wish you guys were free to join, 😏😁."
Edit: a few commenters mentioned wanting to know more about the door bell reaction so: Neither of them knew about the door bell, it was a mix of shocked Pikachu and some kinda ragey racoon faces that they didn't just get away with it. My mother started to argue, but I cut her off by starting to count down. My sister quickly picked up the baby and they both left without another word.
2nd Update:
https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/p6fhtr/update_wouldnt_take_sisters_baby_37_days_a_week/
Hi everyone! I'm sorry, I've been meaning to do a final update on this whole situation, (with sister's permission as this one is mostly an update on her.)
My SO, younger sister and I met with a lawyer just before the weekend and....
My parents have no ground to stand on, Sister is in the middle of enrolling in a high school in my city to start for September!
Our mother left a voicemail and a text message to both of us. Mine saying "I hope you're happy. You've destroyed (21f/21m) lives by not taking the baby, and you've gone ahead and brainwashed (16f) into hating us." She then proceeded to let me know that I've been completely disowned and I'm not welcome to ever contact them again, and that I wouldn't be seeing a dime from them. I'm not sure where she could have gotten that idea.. considering I've been living out of her house and self supporting since I was 16.
Sister's message said essentially the same thing. She's been disowned and is no longer welcome to go to them for help.
She's always kind of had the same no bullshit attitude as me, but I think this is the first time I've genuinely seen her let go and relax in a long time. We had a long conversation about what our mother messaged us, and in the beginning sister was kind of upset, but after reassuring her she will ALWAYS have SO and I, and aunt. She looks free. I'm excited to watch her grow, and get to support her on all the ways she wouldn't have gotten from our parents.
As for baby, CPS, other sister..
I've been in contact with baby daddy's parents, recently, (sister, baby, baby daddy are living in their basement) Laid out everything that happened, showed them messages, door bell video etc, they were shocked, and last I heard were making plans to try and adopt baby and finding their legal footing as well, they've asked if they can come to us for help as we have more proof to help them, so absolutely will be providing anything they could need.
So, thank you Reddit, for all the advice and support.
If you happen to have any tips on what else I can do to help 16f sister, I'll take all the advice I can. I want to be the best I can for her. | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/oy6r0a/ops_sister_expects_her_to_babysit_her_newborn/ | oy6r0a | 7,484 | 1,145 | [
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2021-08-05T14:01:49 | AITA for not sharing my “Nanny” with the family? | AITA | *This is a repost.* [*The original post*](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i6gc1h/aita_for_not_sharing_my_nanny_with_the_family/) *is by* [u/Momof4CrazyKiddos](https://www.reddit.com/user/Momof4CrazyKiddos/)
First of all, I do not have a nanny. I have an amazing best friend named “Willow”. I also have 4 children (ages 12 to 1). Willow is childless and does NOT like kids. She does, however, love mine and they all adore her. Even my (surprise) bonus baby girl cries when she leaves to go home.
She will always offer to watch the kiddos if we want some alone time and has kept them overnight more than once.
Every summer my husband’s family likes to rent cabins by the river and Willow usually tags along. By day three she offers to hang with the kids at the cabin.
I know her well enough to know that she is usually done with the sun, the water, and BIL hitting on her by this time. She always says that this time with her god kids is the real reason why she comes.
This year, when the restrictions were lifted in our state, we came up to the lake. At around 10 the baby was asleep on Willow, the adults were drinking (she does not), and BIL was being creepy. So she announced that she was tired and offered to take the kids back to the cabin.
Day 3 comes and she (of course) asks if she can have the kids for the day. Later on, on the lake, SIL made a joke about asking Willow to watch ALL the kids tomorrow but we laughed it off. When we came back that evening the kids announced that they were camping out in the living room with aunt Willow. I asked Willow if she minded if we just went out to the resort lounge and she was quite happy to kick us out.
The morning of checkout, Willow made breakfast because it was her turn and (of course) my SIL had to comment “You cook for them too? Wow”.
After we returned, I got a text from my SIL calling me a snob for bringing our “Nanny” on the trip. I told her that Willow was NOT my nanny and that she paid her own way. She then called me bitch because I saw that they all were tired and frazzled and I could have at least asked Willow to watch all of the kids.
I told her she was crazy and I wasn’t going to ask my best friend to watch 12 children! SHE DOESN’T EVEN LIKE CHILDREN. My MIL called soon after to apologize and ask for Willow’s number. She told me that maybe if she paid Willow to watch my SIL’s kids for a night she would get over her jealousy. She then proceeded to lay out a plan where my best frackin friend would be passed around like some kind of...Mammy (This would probably be a good time to mention that my best friend is black). I just…hung up on her.
My husband thinks that I should have at least asked Willow before I said no. I told him that I wasn’t going to put her that kind of position. He is downstairs right now STILL trying to placate his mother.
I can’t ask any of my siblings’ perspective because I know that they are also jealous of the kind of friendship that Willow and I have.
Now I am torn, maybe I should have asked her if she wanted to help out. Did I over react? Am I the Asshole?
EDIT: To clear a few things up. Both BIL and SIL are my husband’s biological brother and sister (his two brothers and sister were on the trip) SIL is the harpy and BIL is his newly divorced brother. I had to cut it out to make the word count.
She genuinely loves my children. She messages me her days off asking to babysit, she will ask to pick the baby up from daycare, and frequently takes all the kids out on “adventures”. You don’t have to tell me how lucky I am. But maybe it’s time I told her how much I appreciate having her in my life.
The part about her cooking breakfast does sound a little unfair but she makes the most amazing pecan caramel cinnamon rolls And it’s become sort of a tradition for her to make them for the kids.
As for the sexual-harassment from my idiot BIL. Willow and I have been friends since college and she is tall, confident, and she is very well endowed (both in the front and the back). People stare at her often and men hit on her all the time. For some reason when she walks in a room, men just turn stupid. Most of the time she takes the comments in stride but for some reason, this year, he was just laying it on hard. This, however, is no excuse, and just because this is something that she deals with on the daily it doesn’t mean that she should have to deal with it on vacation. I accept the AH for that one and I will ask my husband to talk to his brother.
I’ve decided to talk to Willow this evening and show her this entire thread. Maybe post an update.
Thank you all.
&#x200B;
***UPDATE*** *(Update was included in the original post)*
Well the conversations with his family went as expected.
SIL was apparently holding a grudge from when we went to Vegas for a 5 days in January and Willow kept our kids. We also like to post our date nights on social media and in her eyes it’s just (and I literally quote) “not fair”.
Reasoning with MIL was like beating my head against a brick wall. She couldn’t understand why it was insulting and thought it was a fantastic way for her to “make extra money”.
BIL fake apologized for his behavior citing he was “titmatized” and “Have you SEEN her bro?” Then he formally asked my husband for his permission to bang his wife’s hot black friend. I took the phone (that was on speaker), told him to go F himself, and hung up.
I meet Willow in a couple of hours and I am so guilt ridden, anxious, and just plain angry at myself. I’m not going to say anything. I’m going to hand her my phone and just let her read the thread.
&#x200B;
***FINAL UPDATE*** *(Was also included in the original post)*
Willow came over this evening and she read pretty much the entire thread. She then told me some of the disgusting comments that she has had to endure from ALL of the men in his family over the years. She was even “jokingly” offered money once for just one night of fun.
I asked her why she never said anything and she told me that she was used to it and did not want to bother me. I flat out asked her if any of them had ever touched her inappropriately. She wouldn’t give me a straight answer and I didn’t want to push it. She was so nonchalant about everything and all I wanted to do was cry because even when she was the person wronged, she still tries to protect me.
I told her I was so sorry for everything and that she is under no obligation to be my babysitter, spare my feelings, or put up with my toxic in-laws. I apologized for my complacency in all of this mess and let her know that I loved her and appreciated all the things that she does for my family.
We hung out, we laughed and we cried just like in college. My husband and I both told her that this was our LAST trip with his family but whatever decide to for vacation next summer she is more than welcome to come (as our guest…and she is not allowed to pay for anything…but she doesn’t know that yet because she would decline)
I know I am lucky to have her. She is like my sister and I am going to start being as good as a friend to her as she is to me.
Once again…thank you for all of your insight. I appreciate it more than you know | SomaliMN | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/oyi6vr/aita_for_not_sharing_my_nanny_with_the_family/ | oyi6vr | 7,207 | 1,234 | [
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2021-08-06T00:47:52 | Mom Keeps Pushing MLM onto Her Kid | AITA | [Original ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ojuv40/aita_for_telling_my_mother_to_stop_trying_to_scam/)
AITA for telling my mother to stop trying to scam me?
My mom (42) is in an MLM and has made that pretty much her whole life, second only to her religion.
She's invested in a pyramid scheme company called 'Asea'. Their main product is this 'super-drink' that's supposed to help whatever ails you. Muscle pain? Gone. Heartburn? Extinguished. Cancer? Shrunk. (There's actual testimonies on the cancer part. No alluding to any other chemo or anything. Didn't say it sped it up, just that it was the sole healer. Just wtf.)There's only three ingredients: Water, Chloride, and Salt. It tastes like literal pool water. I call it God-In-A-Bottle.
I know, don't knock it until you try it, so at my mother's request, I gave it a try, twice. For a month each, I took the instructions word by word daily and.. nothing. Not a single change.
So onto the conflict:
My mother has fed into EVERYTHING they've told her. She's obsessed, it's fucking insane. She buys their drinks, their lotions, their powders, attends classes, goes to conferences, local area groups, has bumper stickers, business cards, she even donated a large amount to put up a fucking billboard in our small country town.
I wouldn't care if she kept me out of it, but it's every other day with her. If I say I'm a bit sore from the gym, she hands me a bottle of cream. Headache? Drink. Tired? Drink. Rash? Cream. I once broke out into hives all over my body due to an allergy. Her solution? Just slap some cream on it!It's like she's completely forgotten conventional medicine exists! She's basically one of those ~essential oils only~ moms.
My breaking point:
Today, I came home to an ASEA labeled package with my name on it. Whatever, she does this all the time, buys me drinks but ends up drinking them herself. Not today. Nonono, it was a lot heavier than normal. I came in with the box (because I knew she would've yelled at me if I didn't) and she made me open it. She was excited, like I was a 5 year old opening the Christmas gift she got me. Well, guess what was inside..
A fucking starter kit for new sellers
I flipped my lid as soon as I saw it. I slid it towards her and started shouting about how I don't want to sell her miracle juice and how she needs to stop trying to push her scam onto me. I want nothing to do with that company and I've made it clear many times before. I just don't care. I don't care what she does with it. If she wants to waste her money and time, go ahead.
She started crying as I left, taking a drive. It was understandable, I had never shouted at her like that, but I just snapped. I had clearly expressed my complete disinterest in ASEA many many times and she's blatantly ignored that many times. I understand she wants to include me in her hobbies/"job", but the way she's going on about it is, in my eyes, toxic.
As I said, I had never snapped like that and, in turn, I'd never seen her cry like that, not because of me. As a result, I feel terrible, but I'm still upset and need some outside perspective.. AITA?
[Update 3 weeks later](https://www.reddit.com/r/MarkNarrations/comments/oyjwji/update_aita_for_telling_my_mom_to_stop_trying_to/)
*posted in r/MarkNarrations*
First off, I wanted to thank everyone for their verdicts on my original posting. It's good to see that sanity is still alive, despite the opposite becoming the norm.
After the argument in the posting above, My mother seemed to get the message and stopped talking to me about it, but it only lasted about a week. After that, the conflict was non-stop. She was blowing up at me for the smallest things, like eating too loud or typing too loudly on my keyboard.
Well, it all came to a head when I woke up in the middle of the night to my face feeling slightly damp. I woke up to see my mom with a little spray bottle in her hand. I recognized it immediately. She uses it on our dogs to (unsuccessfully) help with their tear staining. She had been misting my face with the stuff!
That was my final breaking point. That next day, while I had the house to myself after work, I packed my things. I know this is a situation of my own making, but I'm currently living in my car, though I am trying to find an apartment when I'm not working. I don't have anyone to stay with at the moment, due to high covid restrictions in my area. Thank goodness they haven't cancelled my phone.
I know it's probably not what anyone wanted to hear (if they even wanted an update), and I wish I wish I could be updating under better circumstances.
But, c'est la vie.
Edit: Since there are a few people asking, I don't have any family close enough to where I can keep working at my current job, and with my new situation I need all the hours I can get. I'm in talks with my manager about going full time. | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/oyvxum/mom_keeps_pushing_mlm_onto_her_kid/ | oyvxum | 4,910 | 468 | [
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2021-08-06T01:11:58 | OP's Sister & Mom Teach Nieces Extreme Calorie Counting | AITA | [Original ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oyeky8/aita_for_saying_i_refuse_to_give_up_all_of_lifes/)
AITA for saying I refuse to give up all of life’s joys for the sake of a few lbs in front of my nieces?
TW: mention of EDs and food intake.
Long time lurker, first time poster. On mobile. English is first language so all typos are my bad.
Over lockdown I (33f) like many folks put on some weight. I’m not overly bothered about it but I am trying to make some changes like walking every day and eating less rubbish so I can feel healthier again.
My mum and sister are both obsessive about weight and food. My mum does fad diet after fad diet, my sister calculates daily calorie intake vs activity and weighs herself regularly. If we’re going out for a meal she has to know the restaurant at least a week in advance so she can decide what she wants and then adjust her calorie intake for the whole week so she “deserves” the meal.
My nieces (12, 8) are both starting to do similar things and I’ve flagged my concerns with my sister and mum and asked if we can stop talking about weight and food in front of them but nothing has changed.
The other day I was making a cheese sandwich (the horror) and my mum started lecturing me about the amount of cheese you should eat in a week and how i was using my “whole allowance” in one meal. My nieces heard and the 12 yo opened her sandwich and started taking out the filling. I nearly lost it when I saw this and yelled at mum that she’s so obsessed with how everyone around her looks and eats that she’s sucking all the happiness out of her own life and everyone else’s and that I refuse to give up all the things I enjoy so I can be a few pounds lighter. That it was harmful and damaging and that it was a miracle I hadn’t ended up with an ED like my sister. I told my nieces I was sorry for shouting and that they shouldn’t feel guilty about enjoying food and then I left.
My mum and sister both want me to apologise and apparently my nieces cried after I left. My sister says I’m not allowed near her kids until I tell them I was wrong and apologise for “wanting them to be fat like me.” (For context I’m 6ft 1ins and a UK 12-14). AITA
*Update added as an edit*
UPDATE: I hope this is okay to do. Lmk if it should be a new post or anything.
Hello friends. (Enemies - you know who you are and my life you all love to assume things. Thanks for the debate about whether I’m fat, telling me it is I with the ED because I’m “obsessed with food” and various other things.)
ADDITIONAL CONTEXT FOR THE TERMINAL ASSUMPTION MAKERS (AND THOSE QUITE RIGHTLY CALLING ME ON MY ERRORS)
A lot of people quite rightly pointed out counting calories is not in and of itself a bad thing and I made it seem like it was, for which I apologise. My sister does other stuff around food. She continually comments on people’s weight (friends, celebrities, whatever) if she puts on a pound she will immediately do a crash diet and essentially starve herself til she’s back to her regular weight. If someone she knows loses weight she will also try to lose weight so she’s the same amount slimmer than them. The list goes on. Because context worked out so well last time I’m not going to be precise but she’s a few inches shorter than my and more then a few sizes smaller than me.
Some folks also seem think i only find pleasure in food based on what I said to my mum. My comment was said in the heat of the moment and the “all” bit was an exaggeration. My point was I’m all for making healthy choices but not to the degree that I’m miserable all the time because of it, which is where they are both at. I cannot remembers the last time I saw them actually enjoy food. Some people pointed out it was hypocritical to say I was trying to lose weight and then being angry at my mum for trying to help. I think the missing context here is I haven’t been able to eat a meal without one or both of them commenting on it since I was ten years old, and as much as it wasn’t great timing, I just snapped.
ANYWAY UPDATE TIME BECAUSE THINGS ESCALATED QUICKLY (insert meme)
So after reading as many of your comments as I could (there were a lot, sorry for lack of responses my connection has been weird and I don’t know which posted) I reached the decision I needed to involve their dad. I hadn’t previously because it felt like a huge betrayal and escalation given the girls had only recently started showing these behaviours.
Anyway, before I could do anything my ex-BIL called me to ask wtf was going on. (He has the girls Thurs - Sun. Cheese Gate happened Tues, today is Thurs) Turns out up till now the kids hadn’t been showing any food issues during his time. Today though the oldest had made herself and diet and exercise sheet and stuck it to the fridge. The youngest cried when their stepmum suggested pizza for tea because “it would make them fat and had too many carbs”. Ex-BIL phoned sister, sister said he should call me because it was “my fault.” I explained what happened and sent him this post. He freaked. There was apparently a lot of stuff happening I was unaware of around custody. He used to have them the majority of the time but because he’s a paramedic, during the Panini the girls started spending more time with their mum. She started restricting the amount of time they could spend on FaceTime with him etc. and he had to threaten to take her to court for her to start letting the girls go to him again after restrictions lifted.
After a lot of back and forth and calls and yelling the following is going to happen:
he’s going to get primary custody againhe’s holding off on doing this formally and just keeping it between them and then return to 50/50 custody on the condition my sister will go to therapy. I have said I will pay for the therapy for both my sister and nieces and my BIL has offered to pay for family therapy for the four of themwe’re going to give it a few weeks so the dust settles but we’re thinking of putting the 12yo in a cooking/food and nutrition class. We’re going to ask the therapist first though.I’m not going to change how I eat and I will blow raspberries at anyone who continues the “is OP fat” debate in the comments.
Lastly, thank you so so much for the awards, I don’t really understand them but they look nice. I’m off to eat an entire block of cheese. Peace and love! | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/oywcs3/ops_sister_mom_teach_nieces_extreme_calorie/ | oywcs3 | 6,393 | 416 | [
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2021-08-06T02:05:31 | Adult Brother Takes Custody Of His 6 Yr Old Sister - Wholesome & Happy | r/parenting | *Most of these come from r/parenting and the first post was created 4 years ago. Cuz I'm a lazy bish, I'm just linking OP's post history page but these are a few posts divided by ●'s*
[Post History](https://www.reddit.com/user/BrotherofAFather/submitted/)
*First Post:*
I am still baffled and flabbergasted. Its been nearly a week but I am in shock.
So I should point this out that over the course of a year now I've been trying to get custody of my little sister (she is now 6) because my mother is to be blunt, a dope head. Its been a long adventure, but I've done it.
So where do we go from here? This is a new adventure for me and I'm giving up my bachelor life haha.
But I'm just not sure what to do, the judge who did everything pretty much told me that she wouldn't need to attend school for a few weeks just so we could get settled in...
But I don't know anything about kids! I'm a nervous wreck now! What if I screw something up? I just don't know what the hell I need to do! Please everybody! Give me all the advice ever!
*Some of OP's comments:*
She knew something was wrong with our mother, but she didn't know what. I have no plans of speaking ill about her around my sister.
I did have to take her shopping for clothes (all of hers where filthy and some had fleas) and I also bought her a little tv and gaming console for her to enjoy.
As for pediatrician I did get an appointment scheduled with her to find out all the medical things needed. As for eating healthy and exorcise I tend to (well used to now) go running from 5am to 6:30am.
Well what about foods? I know she doesn't have any food allergies but what the heck do I give her? And yes I am a man.
Activity wise, I've thought about giving her piano lessons. As for the zoo the closest one to us is nearly 3 hours away (however I've thought about planning us a little 2 day trip to go do that) I do know kid friendly wise there is a trampoline park near by.
Well she did complain about brushing her teeth hurting and yes I have a dentist appointment ready for her tomorrow at 10 in the morning.
●●●●
So this is a update from my last post, as you all know I took my little sister in. And sadly she did not have a lot of stuff so after getting the essentials for her (clothes, booster seat etc etc), I decided today would be a great day to do something that she would never forget!
I woke up really early to get showered and dressed myself, cooked a nice breakfast for her.
Woke my little sister up, got her fed and got her to brush her teeth. Then she got dressed, after that I got her in a jacket and shoes on. We piled up in my car, And off we went. I told her NOTHING! Now this sounds evil.
But it was evil with good intentions, I took her to Toys R Us, and told her to pick out what ever she wanted! It was all on the house. (the house being my wallet) I have never seen her eyes light up so bright and smile so big.
I even let her get a couple of game consoles. And some games, It cost all in all $487 and some change. But it was honestly worth it all in the end.
●●●●
Hello all people of r/parenting! So to begin as some of you know I got full custody of my sister and all that jazz (I will link the story at the bottom), so recently she's had some new behavior showing up.
So for the past couple of nights she has been wetting the bed. And of course I wasn't mad and asked her if she just forgot to use the bathroom etc etc and got a simple no in turn.
Well I turned to google and found a lot of stuff, saying that when a child is under enough stress it can cause them to develop nocturnal enuresis. But I'm not sure hat to do, well other than putting a plastic sheet on her bed.
What the heck do I do from here?
And the original story for those wanting to see it.
●●●●
First off, I think we should get these "Phew these past few weeks have been stressful" out of the way.
So as some of you know I got custody of my little sister, (this was nearly a week before christmas break) now a few days before school let out for the day, I always walk in and pick her up.
Well her teacher asked to speak with me and of course I agreed to it, so while we were talking she told me that she was telling her friends about 'her father' now this did raise alarm to me.
But when she was confronted her teacher asked who she was talking about and told her that she was referring to me.
Now I don't know how to react to this, she has never said anything to me and I've not brought it up to her. What do I do here?
Do I talk to her about it?
●●●●
I think over the course of time my little sister has been in my care her mentality and all has improved ten fold.
Well today she wanted her hair done in a ponytail braid and me not knowing how to do that! I went on google and spent almost 2 hours on how to braid hair
Before she knew it I had her hair braided the way she wanted!
I did my 'dad' skill leveled up heavily!
●●●●
So, I know one of the mods here knows my story. And if you all are interested I can edit the link into here,
Onward! Let us tell the tale of the bed thief! So a few days ago my little sister was getting ready for bed. You know pajama's, her 'protective underwear' etc etc
And all that jazz
Well she went to bed around her normal bedtime and me being who I am I didn't get to bed until around 1 in the morning
Well this morning I awoke on the edge of my mattress and figured I'd been rolling in my sleep
Until I heard snoring. So I got out of bed and lifted the covers only to see my little sister all splayed out on my bed snoring with out a care in the world
My first thought was "You little brat" but of course I did chuckle because she just looked so peaceful
[Update 2 Years Later](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/9xukl4/its_been_a_wild_2_years_update_on_adopting_my/)
Hey reddit, not sure if any of you remember me.
But for those of you who do. You will love this update. If you are new I will link my original post at the bottom.
So my sister is now 8 (about to turn 9) and I feel like a father now, I am married and all. Recently we moved out of my condo into a nice house.
And well, I am so proud of my little girl (she might be my sister but as far as I am concerned she is my daughter at this point) she is making A's and B's on her report card, got put in the gifted classes.
And best of all.
She is happy and healthy, our mother sadly hasn't cleaned up her act yet and I know she is hurting because of it. But my wife has been more of a mother figure then our mother ever was. | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/oyx86f/adult_brother_takes_custody_of_his_6_yr_old/ | oyx86f | 6,587 | 1,088 | [
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2021-08-06T04:45:04 | WTF - "AITA For not telling my old therapist i wanted to see someone new?" | AITA | [deleted] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/oyzqt8/wtf_aita_for_not_telling_my_old_therapist_i/ | oyzqt8 | 9 | 237 | [
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2021-08-06T07:18:35 | Help, My Rescue Cat Loves Shrek | r/Advice | *Please remember, I'm not the original poster and don't need consultation on Shrek. This was originally posted in /r/Advice .*
* [**Original**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/lveurq/help_my_rescue_cat_loves_shrek/)
Last year I got a rescue cat. I love animals, and have always had a way with them that makes them very attached to me. I got Marnie after learning she had been tortured by her previous owner. They nearly tortured her to death. This made me very sad and I decided to take on the challenge.
For the first couple weeks, it was very hard. She would run around the house VERY fast from one hiding spot to another. She tried to climb out of a window, would scratch and hiss all the time, and hated any form of offering food. I even tried waiting until she was asleep, and filling her food dish, and she refused to touch it.
Then, one day, I decided to watch Shrek while doing some cleaning. She came out of her hiding spot, and laid down on the floor in the middle of the living room. She started to groom, and walked to the dining room to drink water. NOTE that this happened AFTER All Star by Smashmouth had played!
I have tried putting on other movies, playing music in the house, and NOTHING else works!! It is only Skrek that she will come out and eat and play for!! So How do I stop living in this hell world I have created for myself by continuously playing Skrek? I now play Skrek three times a day at MINIMUM! I am scared that if I stop, she will stop eating again. If she dies, I'm going to be distraught forever. What the fuck can I do??
PLEASE HELP
* [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/lymo8c/update_help_my_rescue_cat_loves_shrek/)
Well, it's been a fun week since I posted that. I went all out, and bought a matching Shrek and Donkey pillow set, Shrek and Donkey stuffed toys, a Shrek cardboard cutout (ebay is a wonder), and a Shrek greeting card that, when opened, says "GET OUTTA MY SWAMP!!" and "Ogres. Have. Layers. ONIONS. HAVE. LAYERS!" and a couple other lines from the movie.
I took a lot of the crap that was in my "home office" and put it in the basement since it wasn't really serving a purpose anyway. I got a small 22 inch TV and a cheap DVD player, and hooked it up in the office. I put a cat tree in there, cat toys, a litter box, and food and water dishes in there as well. I also added scratching boards and posts today that just came in the mail this morning.
Essentially, I have turned my home office into a 24/7 Shrek viewing room/Shrek shrine/kitty living space. SHE LOVES IT!!
She sleeps in there during the day, and plays with me in there, and eats and drinks normally now too. It took her a day or so to adjust, but she loves it now.
I took the suggestion of a few people and tried showing her other Mike Meyers and Eddie Murphy films. This didnt work unfortunately. She came out of a hiding spot out of curiosity, but retreated after she was sure it wasn't Shrek, I guess. I also turned the volume down on the new TV, and she's fine with it. Still enjoys her Skrek time, as I'm calling it.
At first, she spent all day Iin the Skrek room, but now she comes out in the morning and follows me around while I change, make breakfast, brush my teeth, and start work. Then she goes and has her Skrek time.
This seems like a good fix! I was overwhelmed before, and didn't really think of any of the obvious solutions. I was also scared that any change in the Shrek routine would cause her to retreat and stop eating again.
I was worried that once she got used to the Shrek room, she would get territorial, but she actually comes to me when I open the door, and welcomes me as I intrude on her Shrek time to play with her or feed her.
All is well with Marnie! Thanks everyone for your help, and I'm glad this put a smile on people's faces.
PS: My new challenge will be explaining this whole thing to guests and family that come over eventually. "No, no, I'm not obsessed with Skrek. My cat is. It's the cat's Shrek room, not mine." What if I bring over a date and they find my very Shrek themed room? How do I explain it in a way that doesn't sound like I'm just trying to cover up my Shrek fetish? Oh well. | Schattenspringer | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/oz1qv7/help_my_rescue_cat_loves_shrek/ | oz1qv7 | 4,194 | 1,322 | [
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2021-08-06T15:56:09 | OP asks the age old question; “Am I liable if my murder attempts murder?” | LegalAdvice | OP u/cranne posted in r/legaladvice
[original](https://reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/ki6fnd/oregon_i_accidentally_created_an_army_of_crow/)
[oregon] I accidentally created an army of crow body guards. Am I liable if my murder attempts murder?
To make a long story short, im a late 20 something living in portland oregon. I had a pretty intense emo/goth phase as a tween that i thought i had grown out of.
A couple months ago, i was watching a nature program on our local station about crows. The program mentioned that if you feed and befriend them, crows will bring you small gifts. My emo phase came back full force and i figured that i was furloughed and had lots of time- so why not make some crow friends.
My plan worked a little too well and the resident 5 crows in my neighborhood have turned into an army 15 strong. At first my neighbors didnt mind and enjoyed it. They're mostly elderly and most were in a bird watching club anyway. They thought the fact that i had crows following me around whenever i go outside was funny.
Lately, the crows have started defending me. My neighbor came over for a socially distanced chat (me on my porch her in my yard) and the crows started dive bombing her. They would not stop until she left my yard.
They didnt make physical contact with her, but they got very close.
Am i liable if these crows injure someone since i fed them? I obviously cant control the crows. I would rather them not attack my neighbors. But since i technically created this nuisance, could i be financially on the hook for any injuries?
To be clear, they're not agressive 100% of the time. If just the neighbors are out they are friendly normal crows. They only get aggressive when someone gets close to me or my property.
ETA: TL;DR- I have turned into Moira Rose, queen of the crows. My inadvertent crow army has gotten aggressive towards others. If they hurt someone could i be held liable?
ETA PT II: I did not train these birds to attack. Also thank you for all of your awards. Im glad my stupid decisions bring you joy. Please consider donating that money to your local Audubon society instead
Top comment:
They are resource guarding. To stop them from attacking people, ask guests to bring shiny objects or food scraps to the murder of crows as an offering. You could also supply your guests little baggies of treats for them to offer up. If they dive bomb someone don’t give them food for 24 hours. If they are nice to a guest, give them a high value treat to reinforce positive behavior. Advice from my partner, she was a field biologist that is published in biology/ornithology.
[update](https://reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/lobhtj/oregon_i_accidentally_created_an_army_of_crow/)
[oregon] I accidentally created an army of crow body guards. Am I liable if my murder attempts murder? UPDATE: The crows saved a life
So to make a long story short, i called our local Audubon society. They didn't think feeding the crows was bad and suggested that the neighbors also start feeding them so they essentially became better socialized.
The plan worked and the crows are now a beloved part of the community. There have been no recent dive bombings.
Most amazingly, the crows may have legitimately saved my neighbor. Our city had a pretty big ice and snow event recently. Like i said in my last post, most of my neighbors are older. One of my neighbors was walking down his steep driveway, slipped, and couldnt get back up.
The crows started going ballistic and were making more noise than we have ever heard. A different neighbor went outside to see what was up and found the gentleman in his driveway. Neighbor is mostly ok! Just some serious bruises.
Needless to say the crows have been getting some high value food since then.
Thanks for all the help on my original post. It blew up way more than i was expecting and i thought you guys would enjoy an update. | sammybr00ke | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/oz9hpi/op_asks_the_age_old_question_am_i_liable_if_my/ | oz9hpi | 3,908 | 1,149 | [
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2021-08-07T00:14:52 | D'aaww - "Let me tell you what happened when someone I met years ago contacted me again." Posted in /r/dating_advice | Dating_Advice | ***Original:*** [***Let me tell you what happened when someone I met years ago contacted me again.***](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/g1i3ux/let_me_tell_you_what_happened_when_someone_i_met/) ***Posted in*** /r/dating_advice
Last month before the lockdown, I (32F) got a message from someone whom I met 6 years ago. What happened in 2014 was that I was at a bar with a few of my friends and I saw this cute guy with his friends walking in. When the guy and I saw each other, our eyes just locked. He then came to introduce himself and talked to me right away. I still remember the feeling of butterflies when he came over. I felt very flattered that he found me cute. I found him cute too. We had fun talking, but he had to leave. We didn’t exchange numbers, but he asked me to send him a message on Instagram. We exchanged a few messages afterwards, and we stopped. It didn’t go anywhere.
One night last month, he went to read his old direct messages on Instagram to see if he had missed anything. He got entertained, so he kept reading old messages until he reached our messages from 6 years ago. The next morning, he decided to say hi. When I got his message, I was surprised. I remembered him, but I already had forgotten about him. I looked at his profile. He looks as cute as before, just in the 30-something version of himself. I felt good being contacted by him, but I really did not think much about any of it. I am single so I am open to talking to him because I remember clearly how he made me feel on that particular day 6 years ago.
Believe it or not, we have been chatting all day every day. We’ve video called, and he would call me sometimes as well. We are learning about each other since we can’t yet meet. We are interested in meeting each other again after this is over. He has been asking to see me in person since the beginning of the lockdown, but I don’t think it is a responsible thing to do. I promise him that once this is over, it will happen. With him talking to me every day about everything, it made me realized that he genuinely is interested in getting to know me as a person, and that is a good feeling. I hope we continue talking until we can meet again. I can honestly say I am content with where we are at the moment.
I want to say to all of you who are not sure about reaching out to someone to just do it. Just contact them. They may be available and open to get to know you again. You won’t know until you find out for yourselves. If you get pass the first step, please know that talking without meeting is hard work. However, this is a great opportunity to get to know someone on a deeper level. If it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work, but I still strongly encourage you to start it. I am from the receiving end of this, and I am glad he reached out to me. He has made me happy.
Good luck to all!
***Update:*** [***UPDATE: Let me tell you what happened when someone I met years ago contacted me again.***](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/h0d8o9/update_let_me_tell_you_what_happened_when_someone/) ***Posted in*** /r/dating_advice
I wrote [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/g1i3ux/let_me_tell_you_what_happened_when_someone_i_met/) two months ago, and I have an update.
\-------
The two of us finally met. We spent time together, we cuddled, we kissed, we had sex. We did everything two adults who genuinely like each other do. Everything felt great and everything felt right.
I have to admit that although I am a good people reader, comments from my last post made me quite cautious about the possibility of him being a fuckboy or of him not having good intentions with me. I’ve heard stories both from Reddit and in real life about people being ghosted or people fading away from one’s life especially after they got intimate. I’d be lying if that didn’t scare me. It did.
Before we got intimate, I thought really hard about what he wanted from me. For weeks of us chatting, there was not a day – not one – that he was not in constant communication with me. I also thought that there was nothing convenient about meeting me because I kept refusing to meet him even though I knew that he was really serious about quarantine (and so was I). Yet, he didn’t give up. When we got upset with each other, and he never sent any signals that he wanted to end or rethink things – not once. With all of that, I felt that his actions had proven his intentions. In the back of my mind, though, I still had this “possible ghosting” thought. I told myself that if his intentions were bad, it’d be good for me to be ghosted early on anyway..so what should I be worried about?
From all of the thinking I did, I felt the time was right and I was ready to connect on a deeper level with him. I am an adult and I knew what I was getting myself into. The intimacy was beautiful and fun. It felt equal. It felt vulnerable yet secure at the same time. It was worth the wait. After I left his place the first time we got intimate, in my head I was like “ok let’s see what happens now”. An hour after “ding!”, he texted me. It made me smile. We continued being us from then until now. Nothing changed him or me or us one bit. That’s when I knew that he didn’t really have any games, and his interest in me was more than genuine.
I feel like I’ve gone past the “Does he like me?” phase. It’s so clear and it feels good. Not having to guess how someone feels about me is such a blessing. Now we only have to work on us and see where this goes.
Thanks for reading and for allowing me to share my story. I hope it is helpful for you.
Good luck to you all. | almostselfrealised | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ozivqu/daaww_let_me_tell_you_what_happened_when_someone/ | ozivqu | 5,637 | 432 | [
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2021-08-07T10:31:02 | [deleted by user] | null | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ozqwrv/deleted_by_user/ | ozqwrv | 9 | 1,040 | [
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2021-08-07T14:17:12 | I [25ftm] am about to come out to my parents [46m&49f] as transgender and I'm kinda freaking out. | Relationships | *Please remember that I'm not the original poster, I'm just sharing this post here and don't need advice*
* [**Original**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/6nvhp4/i_25ftm_am_about_to_come_out_to_my_parents_46m49f/)
Hey Reddit.
I'm here because I'm going to come out to my parents as a transguy this Sunday, and I'm nervous, but also wondering how to handle it.
I came out to my sister[27f] three days ago, and it was a best case scenario (thankfully). She will be coming with me to tell my parents.
I'm looking for help on how to word it exactly. My parents do know what transgender means, though they have not really been exposed to it much. I've been out as a"lesbian" (all my friends/my partner know I'm trans and treat me as a male) for 11 years, so they know a lot about that stuff, but that's where it stops. We've never really talked about it, so I don't know how they're going to react.
Either way, I still don't know what to say. Just sit them down at a table and be like "hey, your daughter is actually your son, surprise!"? I just can't seem to think of a way to say it aloud and it not be super awkward sounding.
I also have been considering bringing my partner, but am uncertain if this is appropriate. She absolutely would if I asked though.
Last, I have been trying to decide if my little brother [14m] should be included in the original discussion, or if i/My parents should talk first and one of us talk to him later.
I feel so uncertain and anxious, it's really stressing me out. I plan to write two letters and have them in my pocket, one to give them if my voice fails and I can't tell them, and one to give them of they reject me.
So, wise redditors, how should I tell them? Is it weird for me to bring my partner and my sister? How do I handle my teenage brother?
Tl;Dr- I'm coming out to my parents as trans and have no idea what I'm doing or what to say
* [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/6pgxrs/update_i_25ftm_am_about_to_come_out_to_my_parents/)
Hey Reddit,
My OP didn't get much of a response, but I appreciate those who offered support/advice and wanted to give an update in case anyone was wondering.
Originally, my weekend got a little more busy than I had planned, so I decided to move my coming out day until Tuesday.
So, on Sunday, I called my mom to set up dinner (if I hadn't, I knew I would back out and not tell them) and my mom was feeling impatient I guess, because she was just like "let's talk about it now" and put me on speaker phone with my dad right next to her.
So, I told them. And it went great. The first thing anyone said was when my dad immediately asked "is that why you've been so damn weird the last three weeks?!" Lol. Followed up immediately by a dad joke.
We are all going to talk to my little brother about it (probably today my sister, partner, and I are all still going for dinner.) And I asked my parents to pick out a new middle name for me (I've decided to stick with my given first name, it's androgynous). My dad's immediate response was "Alwayswantedabeard Man Lastname"
So I decided to let my mom have the final say in my middle name lol.
I also set up an appointment to start hormone therapy in two weeks (and my insurance covers it!) So I'm pretty stoked about that.
I hope you guys all have a great week!
Tl;Dr parents give no fucks, I feel like I just had 600 pounds lifted from my shoulders, I'm starting testosterone in a couple weeks! | Schattenspringer | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ozu2gy/i_25ftm_am_about_to_come_out_to_my_parents_46m49f/ | ozu2gy | 3,473 | 459 | [
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2021-08-07T16:48:21 | I (25m) was in a car wreck with my (22f) gf + UPDATE | Relationship_Advice | .[ORIGINAL](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ovcgsq/i_25m_was_in_a_car_wreck_with_my_22f_gf/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) by u/throwRA_wreckx
My gf and I have been dating for two years. We were driving together after ordering pizza to pick it up. She came with because she needed something quick from the store right next door. I go in and pay for the pizza and get back in the car and wait, and wait. 30 minutes go by and I finally see her at the checkout line and she's chatting with our neighbor. Who lives right next door to us. They let a couple more people go ahead of them as they finish up talking. A good 15mins longer. She comes out and throws bags into the back of the car and goes to get in. Says "oops, I forgot to get what I originally needed. Be right back." I was mad. I was extremely pissed off. She comes back much faster and I yell at her. I was angry and I went off. The lack of respect. Stupid cold pizza. She said it was her medication she had to run back in for and why it couldn't wait and she had to go. I said she could've talked to the neighbors back at the fucking house. She said she didn't think she took that long. I was done.
I regret I drove angry. I should've let her drive. She even offered to, but I was too angry to think straight. I was speeding, weaving around traffic. It started raining and I hit a slick spot and lost control and we hit a tree. I walked away with a few cuts, a bruised rib, and black-eyes from the airbag. She has a broken nose as well as everything else I do, plus I broke her arm. I'm sorry I did it. I didn't mean to. I'm stupid. Mad because of cold pizza.
I hardly ever get angry. It was a bad week at the office. Owing money I don't have. The car making a weird sound. It's so much, and I snapped. It's not going to ever happen again. I don't even trust myself to drive since the accident. I panic thinking about it.
I haven't called or seen her or messaged her once since the accident two weeks ago. I can't face her. I'm so ashamed. I've not replied to her messages or returned her calls. I'm staying at a friend of mine's place. I don't even know what I could say. It's too much. I can't even process all of this. I feel so much guilt...I broke my gf's nose and her arm because I was angry. .. I'm no better than an abuser.
I don't know how to handle any of this
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ozhpzf/update_caused_a_car_wreck_and_i_broke_my_gfs_nose/)
Recap: 3 weeks ago my gf and I went to pick up pizza. She went in a store to buy some things and ended up taking a long time. I sat in the car until the pizza went cold. Then, like an idiot, I got angry and yelled and drove ignoring her offering to drive. I ended up crashing and I was barely hurt while she broke her nose, arm, and cracked ribs. We went to different hospitals because they were worried about head trauma, but she's ok in that regard, it was cuts on her head that needed stitches, but no brain damage at all. For 2 weeks after the accident I didn't contact her or return her texts or calls. Then I made a post here for advice.
I texted her. I know people said I needed to go in person, but I was afraid to do that and didn't know if she'd even want to see me. She said we needed to talk and bring car insurance info and all of that.
She's staying with her parents and her dad stopped me at the door. He took my insurance and license and made copies I guess. He came back and said she wanted to talk with me outside and to wait. I cried when I saw her all beat up looking and hurt. She didn't cry tho. She asked me why I stayed away and abandoned her. I said how I was ashamed. She said I had more to be ashamed of now...and she's right. She said she can never trust or rely on me after this. That she knows I'd leave her when she needed me. How could she be with me or start a family with someone who abandons someone they supposedly love when they're hurt.
Everything she said made sense and it all hurt because it's true. We aren't together anymore. I didn't even try to change her mind. She's right. She deserves better than me.
I don't know what I'll do. I hate myself and who I let myself become. I don't know what all is next for me, but everything is hell.
Edit: I am sorry this came off as a pity party, it probably is. What I've done feels irredeemable. I was faced with a real life moment of integrity of character and found I have none. I don't know where and how to start because everything about me is worthless. I know leaving my ex-gf alone is the right thing. Even if there was an impossible chance of her taking me back, it still wouldn't happen. I can't stand to be alone with myself, no one should be around me. I don't trust who I am. The best thing I'm doing right now in this moment is staying away from her and letting her heal. There's nothing I can do to make it better. Give flowers? "I'm sorry I almost killed you so I killed these plants so you can watch them slowly decay." Nothing feels enough to make it right, I'm convinced there isn't a way. If they sue me, they sue me. She has every right. Right now my car insurance is covering everything for her. I know I need therapy, but it's not that easy. Time, money, and trying to even find a therapist taking new patients is limited. I don't blame anyone for their harsh words, I know I'm a terrible person. If my posts and comments sound pitiful, it's because that's what I am. I'm weak | red_earaches | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ozwrpi/i_25m_was_in_a_car_wreck_with_my_22f_gf_update/ | ozwrpi | 5,486 | 517 | [
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2021-08-08T06:07:26 | OP Accidentally Calls Her Mom's Boyfriend "Dad" (Wholesome) | TIFU | [Original ](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/l527gz/tifu_by_calling_my_moms_boyfriend_dad/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
This wasn't today, but it was recent.
Mom and her boyfriend had been together about 5 years. The only thing I call him is his full name, or a shortened version of it.
I was really sick (not covid, just a pretty bad cold or fever type thing.) You know how it goes, it's hard to concentrate on anything when you're sick. I spent the day laying on the couch, watching TV. Anyway, he asked if there was anything I wanted. I asked for a cup of tea. A few minutes later, he comes back and hands me the hot mug. I take it, and say "Thanks, dad."
I did not even realize what happened. He was laughing, and repeated it back to me. I denied saying it. Then he played back the conversation on the Nest cam. I really did just call him dad.
Immediately after this happened, he ran upstairs to tell mom what happened.
Now, we all watch Brooklyn 99. So mom's response was: "Do you see him as a father figure?"
"No! He's a bother figure!"
And cue them both laughing at the fact I was too tired to pay attention to what I was saying.
They tell this story to literally anyone who will listen. So I decided it was my turn.
[Update ](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/o4cl4u/tifu_by_calling_my_moms_boyfriend_dad_update/)
I figured it'd be nice to put an update since people liked the original post.
Today is Father's Day, and I decided to give her boyfriend a card because it was funny.
The card had some chips in queso dip, and said "I'm nacho average dad", and the inside said: In queso didn't know, you're an awesome dad.
I then took a red sharpie and edited it to say: "I'm nacho dad" and "In queso didn't know, you're awesome."
Then I wrote Happy Father's Day under that.
I gave him the card just a few minutes ago and he thought it was hilarious, and gave me a hug
And then he said I could call him dad if I wanted to.
Filler dad jokes:
You can't have butter fingers if you're not within the margarine of error.
A steak pun is a rare medium well done.
You never want to be friend s with a pepper, they're jalapeno business.
(Okay, so I might be hungry.)
▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎
[*I found the card here*](https://www.hallmark.com/cards/greeting-cards/cheesy-puns-funny-card-for-dad-349ZFD8182.html) | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/p09cxx/op_accidentally_calls_her_moms_boyfriend_dad/ | p09cxx | 2,366 | 704 | [
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2021-08-08T07:08:42 | Brother Stands Up For His Sister When 2nd Sister Is Mistreating Her | AITA | [Original ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oti1qq/aita_for_yelling_at_my_sister_and_telling_her_i/)
AITA for yelling at my sister and telling her I want my money back
My (40m) sister, Rachel (29f) escaped a bad marriage with her daughter Katrina (8f) almost 8 months ago. My other sister Jillian (34f) lived in the same state as them so she and her husband offered to take them in and they set up a gofundme to help Rachel get back on her feet. I donated $1,000.
I used to call or FaceTime Rachel and Katrina at least twice a week when they were staying with Jillian and they always insisted everything was fine and they were happy there. Then 2 months ago, Rachel called me and asked if she could stay with me for a while. Jillian and her husband kicked them out because they couldn't pay rent anymore. Apparently all of the money raised from the gofundme was used to pay rent to Jillian and her husband. Additionally, Rachel has been taking care of their kids (2f and 5m) full time as well as doing all the cooking and cleaning while paying rent for her and her daughter to sleep on the floor of the kids' playroom.
I flew them out and they've been staying with me, my wife (38f), and our kids (7f, 9m, 10m) since. When Rachel told me everything, I called Jillian and berated her for how she treated Rachel and Katrina. She tried to defend it by saying they needed the money and that it was expensive having them living there. I lost my temper and told her that she's full of shit and demanded that she give me my money back.
Jillian tried to argue that she needs that money for her kids but she eventually returned it. Now she's telling the family that I'm a monster that took money from her and her kids and I'm starting to doubt myself.
AITA for demanding that my sister gives me my money back.
[Update ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p04m7j/update_aita_for_yelling_at_my_sister_and_telling/)
I talked to Rachel about what we’re going to do with Jillian and we decided to give Jillian an ultimatum- either she gives Rachel all of the money from the go fund me or we report her to go fund me and tell the family about how Rachel and Katrina were treated while they stayed with them.
She chose the former and we worked out a payment plan so she’ll pay it back over the next 12 months while paying back a 5% interest rate. She already sent the first payment and we’re hoping we won’t have any problems with this.
Katrina is also starting to do better. She’s talking more and is okay with staying with our nanny for a couple hours if Rachel has to step out. She’s going to start second grade with my daughter next week and we think it’ll be really good for her.
Also, both Rachel and Katrina are in therapy now and Katrina will be getting extra help through her school.
That’s about it. I’d like to thank everyone for their comments and advice on my original post. I showed it to Rachel and seeing other people acknowledge that how she was treated wasn’t okay helped her agree to confront Jillian and demand the money back | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/p0a31s/brother_stands_up_for_his_sister_when_2nd_sister/ | p0a31s | 3,084 | 669 | [
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2021-08-08T14:45:05 | My boyfriend loves to feed me like I'm a baby... idk if it’s sweet or weird | Relationship_Advice | *This is a repost.* [*The original post*](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/iz0w9y/my_boyfriend_loves_to_feed_me_my_meals_everyday/) *is by* u/ THROWRAajaj28282
I’ve been with my boyfriend for ten months. He’s the best boyfriend I’ve ever had. He’s so sweet and attentive. He always puts me first and it’s honestly a fresh of air compared to my past relationships. He’s a chef.
Whenever we went out to eat, he would always love to feed me a bite of his food. I never minded and thought it was cute. When we started hanging out at each others houses, he would always offer to cook and then he would feed me my meal. I told him it’s fine I can feed myself, but he would always insist. He said he loves feeding beautiful woman his food.
Now it’s kinda escalating. He wants to feed me on his lap. I told him that I’m not interested in sitting on his lap and getting fed, I'd rather just watch the show and eat my chips myself instead of a whole meal he made. When I say no, he gets a bit awkward and I start to feel bad. But it’s so weird how he loves to feed me all my meals. Why? I know there’s way weirder things out there and the intention is sweet, but I’m started to think it might be a kink or something. I don't discuss the intimates of my relationships with my friends, so I’m on here. Is this weird or sweet? BTW this is a daily occurrence whenever we’re together.
&#x200B;
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/j0dgqk/update_my_boyfriend_loves_to_feed_me_my_meals/)
First off thanks to everyone that replied, I read every single one. I didn’t even think my question would get more than a few replies. Someone commented that I research “feederism” and I did, and wow. So much things became clearer and now in hindsight, I’m shocked I didn’t see it earlier. In my defense I’m not a kinky person and I didn’t even know this was a kink.
For starters I’m naturally thin and it’s been a big insecurity of mine because I have no curves, no boobs or butt. I’m 5’7 and when we first got together I was 110 pounds and now I’m 125 pounds. When he first met my parents, he later remarked that my mom being so thin after having five kids is crazy. Looking back he seemed... disappointed? He also tells me all the time that I have the perfect body frame to be “thick”. He noticed my weight gain before I did and during sex he would always caress my waist, hips, and stomach area and tell me I’m looking more voluptuous. He also told me he can’t wait for me to get pregnant because he knows I’ll be even more beautiful and he’ll feed me so much I’ll never snapback. He always said it with a joking tone and a laugh so I thought it was a dumb joke.
I decided that before I say anything to him, let me look up his exes and see if any of them are fat or gained a lot of weight. He’s new to the area and has only been with one girl before me and her instagram page is private and her profile is a group photo so I couldn't tell which one she is. Then I looked up her name on LinkedIn and she has a profile. She co owns a business with her sister whose instagram isn’t private so I searched her up and my suspicions were confirmed. His ex used to be average weight, I would guess 140 pounds around 2018. She’s now looks around 200-230 pounds. I was still in denial and thought maybe she was responsible for her weight gain and not him because I just couldn’t believe this fetish is a thing.
I invited him over last night to watch a movie. I was scared to see him because I know that if I didn’t say anything then, I probably never would have the courage because I’m very non-confrontational. He came over and we watched the movie and ordered food delivery. Our food came and he heated it up in the microwave and plated it for us like he always does.
He kept the two plates next to him and when I tried to grab one, he held them up above his head and shook his head no with a grin, like it’s cute. I rolled my eyes and he grabbed a fork and took a piece of chicken then held it in front of my mouth. I refused to open my mouth so he pressed it against my lips and I pulled back and stood up to grab the plate he was holding over his head. He gave me a weird look and I wanted to say sorry so bad (I know why am I like this?!) but I didn’t. I just grabbed another fork, walked over to my couch with my plate and started eating hoping he could take the hint without me having to say anything.
He came to sit next to me and started eating too, and we just watched the movie for a few minutes in peace. He then took a piece of chicken off my plate and tried to feed it to me, again. This time I said no and he asked what was wrong. I said nothing was wrong and that I’m an adult and I’m perfectly capable of eating my orange chicken by myself. He said he knows I’m adult but he just wants me to concentrate on the movie instead of worrying about feeding myself. He then tried to keep pressing it against my mouth that I wouldn’t open.
At that point I was fed up and I snapped at him that it’s weird to constantly want to feed me and I don’t want him to anymore. I did say it in a harsh tone but I was upset. He tensed up and didn’t say anything and scooted over to the other side of the couch. Then he just stared me down as I ate, literally wasn’t even watching the movie. Even when I would look at him thinking he would look away, he would just stare at my mouth as I chewed. I was disgusted. After I finished my food, he picked up his uneaten plate and told me I could have it. I told him that I don’t want it and he said he’d rather it not go to waste and if I’m too tired to feed myself, he’ll do it. I was fed up AGAIN and I told him that I think we should break up because we’re obviously not on the same page. He asked is this all because he wants to feed me and I said yes, it is. He said that he’s a chef and he loves food and he also loves woman and there’s nothing better than “combining the two”. I felt like an object. He said this can’t be the real reason why I’m ending things and I must be seeing someone else. That he treats me like a queen and most other boyfriends wouldn’t have ever cooked me a meal let alone fed it to me too. I asked him to leave and he wouldn’t until I gave him the “real” reason as to why I broke up with him. I said because you have a feeding kink and he started cackling saying I’m a sick bitch and that a guy showing he loves someone as sad and disgusting as me must truly be some sort of “kink” because no one in their right mind would do it. Then he left and blocked me everywhere.
I loved him before but that conversation turned me off so much and I’m honestly not sad we’re over, I’m actually kind of relieved. I just don’t understand why if he truly has this kink he wouldn’t tell me and ask me to indulge in it? Why would he deny it and block me? Is it because of my dismissing behavior when he tried feeding me? | SomaliMN | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/p0fx4k/my_boyfriend_loves_to_feed_me_like_im_a_baby_idk/ | p0fx4k | 6,907 | 1,002 | [
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2021-08-08T21:03:37 | AITA for refusing to sell the place I bought with "stripper money"? | AITA | AITA for refusing to sell the place I bought with "stripper money"?
**THIS IS A REPOST. IT ISN’T MINE**
Link: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ibbwws/aita_for_refusing_to_sell_the_place_i_bought_with/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
For several years I was a stripper. I have no shame about what I did, and only quit when I got a better job offer. In the time I worked as a stripper, I intentionally lived as cheaply as possible (shitty little studio flat, living off ramen, wearing old clothes) because my coworkers all told me that they were able to buy their own places on their income, so long as they saved like crazy. Before I "retired", I managed to outright buy myself a 3 bedroom flat. I rented out the other rooms for a while but I got sick of having roommates, so now I have them up online for shorter stays, but not to rent.
I met this guy about 18 months ago, and we've been together since. He knows about my employment history, and he said that he has no issue with it, though he did ask me to tell his family the white lie I occasionally use (on my CV and stuff), which is that I was a waitress (which I kind of was tbf).
A month ago we found out that I'm 2 months pregnant. He says this is great news, and we should move in together. I assumed he'd be moving into my place because he rents his (far smaller 1 bedroom) flat while I own mine, and I have room for a baby's room while he doesn't. Also, I really don't want to leave my flat. It's my flat, I love it, I could see myself living here for the rest of my life, and I don't want to lose the security of owning a flat and have to go back to paying rent or a mortgage each month.
However, he then said that he didn't want to move into my place, and said I should sell it and we buy a place together. I said that I like my place, it means a lot to me that I was able to buy it, and it represents years of working my arse off scrimping and saving. He then said that he understands all of that, but we should be living together by the time the baby comes and he didn't want to live in my flat. I asked him why not - it's a great flat, it's central to everything, it's spacious, it's got room for all his stuff, there's a daycare in the building (run/owned by another tenant) and a school 5 minute walk away, the list goes on - and he said that he didn't want to live in a flat that was bought with "stripper money".
That really pissed me off, and I told him no fucking way am I selling my flat and that he never had an issue with my "stripper money" paying for this flat before now. I said I wasn't giving up the security of owning a home for someone who tries to make me feel ashamed about something I don't feel ashamed of. He said that his point is if I sold the flat then we could get a new place with the money from the sale. I said "wouldn't that still be stripper money?" and he said "that's different", and I asked how. He then said he was going back to his place because "I can't talk to you when you're in this state".
He's gone back to his flat now and he's texted me saying I'm overreacting/irrational and I need to think of this realistically rather than emotionally. He says he wouldn't feel right raising a child in my flat knowing how I purchased it and selling/moving is the best idea of all of us, not to mention the fact he isn't on the deed because it's my place and it "would never feel like our place" because of this.
I feel I might be the arse because I get why he might feel like it's just my place and I feel I'm being too rigid in a time we need to work together, plus I spoke to my sister and she sided with him so 2 out of 3 people think I'm in the wrong here.
AITA?
Update on the off chance anyone sees this: I dumped him. There was a whole conversation and during the conversation he said he didn't want to be a parent if I wasn't willing to do everything he wanted, including sharing a house/deed (plus staying together). Also, at the start of the conversation I said what a few people suggested, which was that I'd be willing to sell and split the house with him, provided he paid 50%, and he got very very angry, very very quickly. He also said a few other things, so IDK how it's all going to pan out just yet, but it looks like I'm going to be a single mother.
Update:
UPDATE: AITA for refusing to sell the place I bought with "stripper money"?
Quick recap on [my first post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ibbwws/aita_for_refusing_to_sell_the_place_i_bought_with/). I spent several years working as a stripper, at the end of which I was able to buy my own flat. I'd been with my boyfriend for about 18 months, and I'm currently around 3 months pregnant. With the news of the baby incoming, my boyfriend said he wanted me to sell my place so we could use the money to get a new place together, and when I refused he called me irrational. I thought I was TA because of that, plus my sister sided with him.
Now for the update, because a lot of people asked for one. First off, I dumped him. He initially said that he doesn't want to be a parent if we're not a couple, but earlier this week he told me he wants majority custody so not only does he not have to pay child support, but if he gets majority then *I* end up paying *him* (he actually said that was his reasoning).
He also runs his own startup, and admitted the startup is basically done for, and he was hoping that when I sold my place I could also put a cash injection into his business with the money, so basically this was all about money for him (and I have extensive documentation of all of this). There's going to be a legal case, but I've gotten legal advice, and it looks like I'll be able to get sole custody, which is what I intend to go for. In the last couple weeks, my sister has doubled down and is trying to get me to fix things with my ex because "a baby should have a complete family", so I've not been involving her in my pregnancy, which she is *furious* about. She also told our parents, which *I* am furious about, so we're not speaking right now.
I also want to say thank you to everyone who commented on my first post. When I first posted, between my boyfriend and my sister, I was genuinely convinced I was in the wrong, so to have such an overwhelmingly supportive response really helped me realise that I shouldn't doubt myself so much, and with that realisation, plus everything going on right now, I've decided to go to therapy, which I will be starting next week.
All in all, the outcome of this is probably going to be me being a single mother in the flat I own. And honestly? Pretty decent outcome. | 9shadowcat9 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/p0my36/aita_for_refusing_to_sell_the_place_i_bought_with/ | p0my36 | 6,670 | 933 | [
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2021-08-09T00:58:00 | "Completely in love and obsessed with an asshole. Need encouragement to leave this relationship" | Relationships | [removed] | s3xy-future | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/p0qymx/completely_in_love_and_obsessed_with_an_asshole/ | p0qymx | 9 | 240 | [
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2021-08-09T03:42:55 | This is way sadder than you think it will be - "Saddest Date of My Life". Posted in /r/dating_advice | Dating_Advice | *\*Content warning - I followed this story because I hoped it would have a lovely, happy ending. It looks like it's going to, and then it, unfortunately, very much doesn't. Content warning:* >!death of a loved one, suicide!<. *Spoiler warning in case you want to know what you're really getting into:* >!OOP starts dating someone, it seems really sweet after a rough start, 2 years later there is one post in /r/widowers. OOP's partner took their own life. These four following posts are the only ones on their account. !<
***Original:*** [***Saddest Date of My Life***](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/9i0amv/saddest_date_of_my_life/)***. Posted in*** /r/dating_advice
So, I (24F) met this guy (29M) at work and we've hung out a few times at office parties. He's a super nice guy and a looker, but nobody knows what hes all about. Thats kind of what attracts me to him. Thursday he asked me out for drinks for Friday, I could tell he was wicked nervous because he kept tripping over his words and whatnot.
Anyway, last night rolls around and I meet him at the bar. I could tell he'd already had a few drinks, but he wasn't drunk, maybe a little buzzed. We get chatting and he breaks the touch barrier almost immediately. Not in a creepy way or anything though, just innocent touches on my arm or hands. After about two hours of just talking, the bar is getting noisy so we decide to go back to his place.
He has a beautiful house which I was really surprised by. A cute puppy too that makes my heart melt. But we talk in his living room for a while and after a few more drinks he starts really putting the moves on me. We kiss for a few minutes, and eventually end up in the bedroom.
This is the wicked sad part. All on his nightstand are pictures of him with some woman. Wedding photos and what look like vacation photos too. Starting to get a little creeped out, I hold the presses and ask if he's married or something. He kind of freaks out and tucks the pictures away in a drawer and tells me he's widowed. I'm taken aback because nobody knew that about him at work. He gets weird and keeps apologizing for not telling me but I tell him I'm fine. He works himself up and starts bawling. I try to comfort him, but he just tells me I should go.
I leave and my God I've never felt so bad in my life. I don't know if I should have stayed or if I did the right thing. I texted him this morning and I haven't gotten a text back, I feel so shitty. Should I go back and check on him or something? I feel really bad.
***Update #1:*** [***Update: Saddest Date of My Life***](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/9iwkj2/update_saddest_date_of_my_life/)***.*** ***Posted in*** /r/dating_advice
So the other day I posted here about my date with a coworker that took a really sad turn. The post kind of blew up so I figured I'd update anyone who was interested. Also I want to thank everyone who gave me really good advice. I was freaking out and still super hungover when I wrote my first post and you guys really were a huge help!
Ok. I text this guy the morning after and theres no response all weekend long. I get it, these things obviously take time and I want to be as respectful as possible. I text him again and let him know I'm not telling anyone at work about our date, still no response. Getting nervous.
So I do a little digging. I research if he was actually married in the first place and unfortunately he's telling the truth. His wife passed away in December of last year after taking her own life. Super sad, I cried a lot. It kind of makes sense that nobody knows about it since he only started working at the firm I want to say about seven or eight months ago.
Monday morning rolls around and I see him during a meeting, he obviously is avoiding eye contact. After the meeting, I go to his cubicle and invite him to lunch to talk, which he agrees to. He also apologizes for Friday night and I say it's totally fine.
At lunch, we talk about how he's feeling and I explain it was totally understandable how he reacted. I offer to always be there to talk whenever he wants. He starts talking about how attracted he is to me and how comfortable he is around me, but how nervous he is to start a relationship.
Obviously I dont want to go too fast and have the same thing happen again, but in the moment I'm a little (a lot) turned on. So I tell him how attracted I am to him, which gets him a little flustered, so I back off a little. We talk more, changing the subject and on our way out of the cafe he slid his hand down my lower back. Probably innocent but it drove me bat shit (in the best way possible).
From what he told me he's super nervous about getting back into dating, which I understand completely. But he's really smooth sexually which is a massive turn on.
We go back to work together cos we carpooled and he kisses me when I try to get out of his car. It was so sweet. I felt bubbly the rest of the day whenever I saw him.
I really want to be there for him. I feel like however he needs to heal I want to help him. As long as its healthy, you know? I know I should take things real slow and I plan to, but in what other ways can I help him? My heart breaks for him!
***Update #2:*** [***Update #2: Saddest Date of My Life***](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/9lvsaz/update_2_saddest_date_of_my_life/)***. Posted in*** /r/dating_advice
Ok this is turning into a diary or something.
I posted a couple of times about this guy I've been dating from work. He's recently widowed and has been struggling going out on dates. You can read my other posts to get more info but that's the TLDR version.
So this week we've been spending a couple of dinners together at the office working late. Other people have been there and even though we're not a couple or even really 'dating', we haven't told anyone. So, we haven't had any real alone time. Last Friday, he asks me out for Saturday night. I happily agree and we set a time.
Saturday night rolls around and he gets to my place. Unfortunately I'm still getting ready and my roommate chats his ear off, totally embarrassing me in front of him. He of course handles her crazy very well. We head out and he takes me to one of the nicest restaurants in the city. He wanted to surprise me and just told me to dress up. So I was a little surprised.
The date itself was so romantic. Candles and amazing food. We never ran out of things to talk about. I caught him checking me out more times than I can count. During conversation, he asked how often I work out. My arms are kind of toned, but nothing crazy so I'm surprised he even noticed. He invited me to work out with him in the mornings. Apparently the man goes to the gym every damn day! He's insane! I talk him down from five days to three, because I'm not nuts, but he was confident I'd go the other two days.
He takes me home and we make out in his car for a few minutes before he walks me to my door, much to my disapointment. Honestly, I went to bed so sexually frustrated I thought I was losing my mind.
Sunday I call him just to talk and he invites me out for coffee. We talk for about an hour in the cafe and then go for a walk with his puppy, the cutest ball of fluff ever!
We meet at the gym at five Monday morning and to be honest, I'm not a morning person so I didn't know how well this would go. I see him and he is jacked. I dont know how he hides it in his suits but he's ripped. He compliments me on my yoga pants and eye balls me all over.
Then starts the hardest workout of my life. He works me like a dog. On the treadmill, on the weights, this machine, that machine. I'm dying over here and he's having me do more squats. So glad I brought a watter bottle or else I'd have passed out. After an hour workout, he tells me I impressed him a lot with how I kept up. My arms might have felt like spaghetti all day, but it really energized me a lot! ...and a make out session in his car helped a bit too...
This goes on all week. We do the same routine on the same machines and it's actually amazing. He pushes me to keep going, and I sweat like a pig. He convinced to go through all five days mostly because I want to spend more time with him.
But I invited him for dinner at my place for tonight. I'm gonna cook my best Chinese takeout and see how he likes it!
I know I sound childish, but the way this man looks at me is like nothing I've ever seen. Neither of my previous boyfriends even come close to complimenting me or checking me out as much as he does. He's such a romantic it drives me crazy.
But the crazy thing is, I don't know when it's ok to ask about sex again. He seems real content keeping the sexual tension strong, I dont know when to initiate sex again, or let him decide. I dont want to rush anything because so far it's been a dream. Any advice?
***Final Update, posted almost 2 years after the last update:*** [***I Feel So Numb All the Time***](https://www.reddit.com/r/widowers/comments/jho1ob/i_feel_so_numb_all_the_time/)***. Posted in*** /r/widowers
It's been four months since I lost Jeremy. He was 31, incredibly handsome, very good at his job and loved by so so so many people. He was literally the world to me. We had been dating for just over a year and a half before he completed suicide. He had lost his late wife the same way almost three years before.
I'm still expecting to see him when I come home. I get so angry with myself and him whenever I remember he's no longer here. I curse him out, and throw things and act out in other ways. I've cut ties with his family because I can't take the pain that goes along with seeing them. His brother looks just like Jeremy and it rips me apart everytime I see him.
When I'm not feeling incredibly angry or guilty I feel nothing. I feel numb. Nobody can make me smile because I know that a piece of me has died and won't be coming back. I don't even want to read his letter because I'm afraid it'll ruin me completely. It just sits on his nightstand.
People treat you differently when you've lost someone too. Like you're tainted. I'm just numb. You don't have to walk on egg shells in the office.
I've tried "moving on" like my therapist said and she's full of shit because every guy I meet is an asshole who doesn't understand what I've gone through. They all just think I need to have sex and to get over him and I don't want either of those things ever.
Rant over. I need another drink. | almostselfrealised | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/p0tle0/this_is_way_sadder_than_you_think_it_will_be/ | p0tle0 | 10,484 | 429 | [
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2021-08-09T07:05:40 | Toxic family are gonna Toxic. OP keeps her home while the entire extended family have a tantrum over it. | null | [AITA for not paying for not giving up to my brother's tantrums?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kaywhd/aita_for_not_paying_for_not_giving_up_to_my/)
Posted 8 months ago
Posted in my side account because I know for a fact SIL reads stuffs on this sub.
I \[F29\] recently bought a house and a brand new car. I will admit I probably splurge on my house more than I should but growing up very poor, it has been always a dream of mine to live in a nice house. I worked really hard to be where I am. So much so I undergo countless breakups because I always choose career over boys.
My brother \[M,25\] is currently jobless. He works as a tourist guide before and can barely make ends meet. He has five kids now (and counting as his wife announced pregnancy recently). He messaged me on FB that there is something he wants to talk about and I thought he wants to name me godmother to his incoming baby. I said sure and invited him to the house to get his approval about some things I modified for our parents.
I gave him a tour and he admired my house greatly, saying things like how excited he is to bring the kids to my house. I did not mind anything about it as I thought he meant a visit, which I'm more than happy to host them for. Imagine my surprise when he finally sat me down and finally revealed what he wants to talk about.
HE.WANTS.ME.TO.GIVE.HIM.MY.HOUSE.
I clarified whether he meant this house or the other house I bought for my parents which I still lived in (still has modifications ongoing with my dream house). He said the house is big enough for his family and I can go visit them anytime I like. He even offered that if I really wanted to live there, I can go move into the maid's room and modify it for my personal use. I was shocked I cannot speak as he thanked me over and over for the house. I finally asked him where the heck did that idea come from and said our mother told him I will give him MY HOUSE. I of course corrected that and this is where things gone south.
My brother repeatedly said since our mom said the house is his now, I cannot do anything but give in. I called my mother to tell him to duck off and lo and behold, my mother sided with my brother.
To make this already long story short, my whole family had cut me off and parents disowned me until I give my brother my house. My father has been brought to the hospital over this fight and now I feel really bad. The guy I'm seeing now said to just give the house to my brother and he'll help me to buy another.
Reddit, AITA here?
Edit: To clarify, the house that they gave away is the newly bought one. One I thought where I could raise five adorable furbabies. Family home is in my name, too as I have to take out a loan back then to buy it. So yeah. It may be obvious I'm not the asshole at first sight but I feel like I could be one because my father got hospitalized over the ensuing fight for the house.
Edit 2: I'm tryingto read all comments and I'm just so overwhelmed for your support. I'm temporarily staying at a friend's house ever since. Your encouraging words really helped ease my mood. I finally decided not to give this house and sell the other one to help pay for a vast majority of loan on my dream house. I also decided to remove my parent's access to my health plans and remove them on my insurance. Last but not the least, thank you for the award kind strangers! Reading your comments made me realize how ridiculously unreal this sounds.
&#x200B;
# [UPDATE: AITA for not giving in to my brother's tantrums](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p0szcs/update_aita_for_not_giving_in_to_my_brothers/)
Hello. So a lot of people have reached out to me since my original post. A lot has happened then. I'll try to include much details as I can.
So I cut my family off back in December and removed them in all services that will benefit them being connected to me. Since I figured, hey mom you told me I'm dead to you then you get no free house from me anymore.
So the reactions from our extended family were just as I expected. Most of the "adults" sided with my mother. My cousins expressed their support to me. I got uninvited with the family reunion I initially sponsored and isn't that just the worst? My aunts and uncle had barricaded the gate when I arrived at my granny's house. I won't expand on this anymore because this still hurts until now.
My mother also sued me for selling the first house back in January. It did not reach the higher courts and I won. Public perception of me got worst though. She and my brother took this defeat to twist the sympathy in their favor. They posted on socmed about how I am an ungrateful daughter and I owe them for everything I have. They also blamed me for my father's death.
Yes. He died. I did not even get attend the funeral because I'm banned. When this happened, I almost give in and signed the papers to give the house to my brother. I blamed myself and believed them my selfishness killed my father. At this point, my boyfriend convinced me to take a break from work and talk to a professional.
I did just that and I'm only now just realizing how ducked up the way they raised me. I can't believe it took internet strangers to realized something is wrong with how they treated to me. To be honest, I almost decided not to post an update. It was last month when my therapist suggested I should do it because this is where me breaking off from them started.
On the bright side, I saw how my fiance's family really like me because of this ordeal. I thought they were just being nice. But shit happened and they supported me every step of the way especially when my partner had to go overseas for one week stay because of his job. They really took care of me and even assured me I'm worth more than my family thinks I am. The nicest thing I ever heard in my life came from his mother.
Anyway, last July 21, my father's birthday, mother reached out to me. She explained to me that she understood she had no right banning me from his funeral but at the time, all she can think about is how I cut them off my health plans and it rendered them incapable of supporting my father's hospitalization. I did not realize this and we cried for hours. She said she still blames me though and doesn't think she can forgive me. I think I understand her. My therapist told me that thinking of what-ifs is counter productive but still, if I could go back in time, I'll help them with this.
My brother won't talk to me. That's fine. The feeling is very much mutual. | Bunyans_bunyip | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/p0wasl/toxic_family_are_gonna_toxic_op_keeps_her_home/ | p0wasl | 6,558 | 308 | [
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2021-08-09T07:06:21 | OP's Family wants them to GIVE THEM Her House | AITA | [Original ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kaywhd/aita_for_not_paying_for_not_giving_up_to_my/)
AITA for not paying for not giving up to my brother's tantrums?
Posted in my side account because I know for a fact SIL reads stuffs on this sub.
I [F29] recently bought a house and a brand new car. I will admit I probably splurge on my house more than I should but growing up very poor, it has been always a dream of mine to live in a nice house. I worked really hard to be where I am. So much so I undergo countless breakups because I always choose career over boys.
My brother [M,25] is currently jobless. He works as a tourist guide before and can barely make ends meet. He has five kids now (and counting as his wife announced pregnancy recently). He messaged me on FB that there is something he wants to talk about and I thought he wants to name me godmother to his incoming baby. I said sure and invited him to the house to get his approval about some things I modified for our parents.
I gave him a tour and he admired my house greatly, saying things like how excited he is to bring the kids to my house. I did not mind anything about it as I thought he meant a visit, which I'm more than happy to host them for. Imagine my surprise when he finally sat me down and finally revealed what he wants to talk about.
HE.WANTS.ME.TO.GIVE.HIM.MY.HOUSE.
I clarified whether he meant this house or the other house I bought for my parents which I still lived in (still has modifications ongoing with my dream house). He said the house is big enough for his family and I can go visit them anytime I like. He even offered that if I really wanted to live there, I can go move into the maid's room and modify it for my personal use. I was shocked I cannot speak as he thanked me over and over for the house. I finally asked him where the heck did that idea come from and said our mother told him I will give him MY HOUSE. I of course corrected that and this is where things gone south.
My brother repeatedly said since our mom said the house is his now, I cannot do anything but give in. I called my mother to tell him to duck off and lo and behold, my mother sided with my brother.
To make this already long story short, my whole family had cut me off and parents disowned me until I give my brother my house. My father has been brought to the hospital over this fight and now I feel really bad. The guy I'm seeing now said to just give the house to my brother and he'll help me to buy another.
Reddit, AITA here?
Edit: To clarify, the house that they gave away is the newly bought one. One I thought where I could raise five adorable furbabies. Family home is in my name, too as I have to take out a loan back then to buy it. So yeah. It may be obvious I'm not the asshole at first sight but I feel like I could be one because my father got hospitalized over the ensuing fight for the house.
Edit 2: I'm tryingto read all comments and I'm just so overwhelmed for your support. I'm temporarily staying at a friend's house ever since. Your encouraging words really helped ease my mood. I finally decided not to give this house and sell the other one to help pay for a vast majority of loan on my dream house. I also decided to remove my parent's access to my health plans and remove them on my insurance. Last but not the least, thank you for the award kind strangers! Reading your comments made me realize how ridiculously unreal this sounds.
[Update 8 Months Later ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p0szcs/update_aita_for_not_giving_in_to_my_brothers/)
Hello. So a lot of people have reached out to me since my original post. A lot has happened then. I'll try to include much details as I can.
So I cut my family off back in December and removed them in all services that will benefit them being connected to me. Since I figured, hey mom you told me I'm dead to you then you get no free house from me anymore.
So the reactions from our extended family were just as I expected. Most of the "adults" sided with my mother. My cousins expressed their support to me. I got uninvited with the family reunion I initially sponsored and isn't that just the worst? My aunts and uncle had barricaded the gate when I arrived at my granny's house. I won't expand on this anymore because this still hurts until now.
My mother also sued me for selling the first house back in January. It did not reach the higher courts and I won. Public perception of me got worst though. She and my brother took this defeat to twist the sympathy in their favor. They posted on socmed about how I am an ungrateful daughter and I owe them for everything I have. They also blamed me for my father's death.
Yes. He died. I did not even get attend the funeral because I'm banned. When this happened, I almost give in and signed the papers to give the house to my brother. I blamed myself and believed them my selfishness killed my father. At this point, my boyfriend convinced me to take a break from work and talk to a professional.
I did just that and I'm only now just realizing how ducked up the way they raised me. I can't believe it took internet strangers to realized something is wrong with how they treated to me. To be honest, I almost decided not to post an update. It was last month when my therapist suggested I should do it because this is where me breaking off from them started.
On the bright side, I saw how my fiance's family really like me because of this ordeal. I thought they were just being nice. But shit happened and they supported me every step of the way especially when my partner had to go overseas for one week stay because of his job. They really took care of me and even assured me I'm worth more than my family thinks I am. The nicest thing I ever heard in my life came from his mother.
Anyway, last July 21, my father's birthday, mother reached out to me. She explained to me that she understood she had no right banning me from his funeral but at the time, all she can think about is how I cut them off my health plans and it rendered them incapable of supporting my father's hospitalization. I did not realize this and we cried for hours. She said she still blames me though and doesn't think she can forgive me. I think I understand her. My therapist told me that thinking of what-ifs is counter productive but still, if I could go back in time, I'll help them with this.
My brother won't talk to me. That's fine. The feeling is very much mutual. | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/p0wb45/ops_family_wants_them_to_give_them_her_house/ | p0wb45 | 6,516 | 970 | [
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2021-08-09T13:57:06 | Boyfriends dad joked about a threesome TW: Incest | null | Posted in📷[r/relationship\_advice](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/)•Posted by[u/Hulksmashspecial](https://www.reddit.com/user/Hulksmashspecial/)
Trigger Warning: Incest
[https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship\_advice/comments/p0kesp/boyfriends\_dad\_joked\_about\_a\_threesome/](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/p0kesp/boyfriends_dad_joked_about_a_threesome/)
# Boyfriends dad joked about a threesome
Me (25f) and my boyfriend (23m) have been together now for 2 and a half years. I have always gotten along with his family and his parents have always treated me so well. His father has always said that I was like a daughter to him and jokes and says he sees me like his own daughter. Well the other night we had all had dinner at my boyfriends house and everyone was drinking. The night started out good and eventually his mom went to bed and it was just me and my boyfriend and his father. We were all pretty fucked up and we got around to talking about sexual stuff (like his father was telling us sexual jokes and telling us about an embarrassing time with his ex girlfriend where she accidentally pissed in his mouth) I was pretty uncomfortable but I just faked laughed. Eventually my boyfriend went to the bathroom and me and his dad and I were alone. He was asking me if I liked my job so far and stuff like that. However the conversation made a big turn when he said “This might be weird but I wouldn’t mind having a threesome with you and my son” I was so shocked I didn’t know what to say I didn’t say anything until my boyfriend came back and I just said I was tired and I wanted to go home. We left and I’ve been thinking about this ever since and I really want to tell my boyfriend but I don’t want him to be on bad terms with his dad. Please give me advice.
&#x200B;
Update in comments:
[https://old.reddit.com/r/relationship\_advice/comments/p0kesp/boyfriends\_dad\_joked\_about\_a\_threesome/h88smtb/](https://old.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/p0kesp/boyfriends_dad_joked_about_a_threesome/h88smtb/)
So I’ve taken a lot of these comments into consideration and I decided to talk to my boyfriend about this situation. When I told him what his dad said he had a very blank look on his face. He started shaking and when he went to touch my hand it was very sweaty. He kept apologizing about his dad’s actions and told me he would speak to his father about this. Well the rest of the afternoon he was extremely off, would barley talk, wouldn’t make eye contact with me and had a distressed look on his face. I asked him why he had been acting so weird because he was just fine before we had our talk and he kept saying that he was okay and nothing was wrong. Well a little later on I was in the living room and he was in the bedroom because he said he didn’t feel good and he came into the living room with tears in his eyes and he said I need to tell you something. I got scared because I’ve only seen my boyfriend cry one time and it was when his pet lizard died. I asked him what’s wrong and he started stuttering and said “Look I need to tell you the truth I can’t take this anymore it’s eating at me. Me and my ex and my dad had a threesome before. I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you” and I was extremely disgusted. I said what the fuck and I got up and physically got sick. He kept apologizing and said his ex pressured him into it because she said his dad was hot. I’m extremely tore up about this everytime i think of it I literally throw up. I don’t want to leave him because we have a dog together and the dog really him what should I do | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/p11ydc/boyfriends_dad_joked_about_a_threesome_tw_incest/ | p11ydc | 3,654 | 469 | [
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2021-08-09T15:55:11 | Suspect my wife could soon cheat on me, how to proceed? | null | Posted to relationship[\_advice](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/) •Posted by[u/Psteaz](https://www.reddit.com/user/Psteaz/)
**Suspect my wife could soon cheat on me, how to proceed?**
[https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship\_advice/comments/oyl5tb/suspect\_my\_wife\_could\_soon\_cheat\_on\_me\_how\_to/](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/oyl5tb/suspect_my_wife_could_soon_cheat_on_me_how_to/)
**Tl;dr: Wife has befriended a male classmate, he’s openly flirting with her through text and knows she’s married, she so far acts oblivious, they plan “study sessions” together. What do I do?**
Sorry this ended up long:
Me (M30) married to wife (F29) for 4 years. She recently has had a career change and has been accepted to the local firefighter academy. She has been in school for \~2 months.
My wife is extremely gregarious and also *very* “bro”, meaning she can well hold her own with typical guy topics (football, UFC, fitness etc), and loves the culture of sarcasm and shit talking. She has always been immediately accepted into guy friend groups, and frankly has loved having dozens of new best friends, most of whom are dudes.
Her 30th birthday is coming up in early September, so I decided I want to throw her a big surprise party. The majority will be friends we already had, but I wanted to invite at least few of her firefighter classmates.
I’ve barely met any of them, so I decided to snoop on her phone to 1) get a good idea of who she’s closest with (and worth inviting), and 2) steal their contact info to secretly invite them.
Since starting the academy she’s been texting on her phone more frequently, which I thought was normal considering the dozens of new people in her life and how social she is. Well at least for the past week or so a majority of her texts have been going to just one individual, we’ll call him Dick (M20’s).
Wife and Dick appear to text each other *very* frequently. They aren’t allowed phones during school hours, but as soon as it’s after hours the texting starts up all the way until they go to bed.
While most of the texting is just friendly with inside jokes, Dick has very clearly been flirting with Wife and wanting to spend more time in person with her. Wife thankfully has not yet reciprocated in the flirting, instead acting dumb as if she’s oblivious and they’re just good friends.
Some of the more egregious exchanges, just from the past week:
1. Dick asked Wife to rate her looks, she said 6/10 maybe a 6.5. He jokes that maybe only if she was rating her left side (har har…), and that she’s selling herself short and that she’s at least an 8/10.
2. At a group study session recently, apparently Wife acted as a pillow to Dick while the group ended the night watching a movie. They texted about being affectionate people and enjoying being touched.
3. He texted her at 2am one night saying hello. Apparently he couldn’t sleep and decided to… text someone’s wife?
4. Part of the academy fitness portion is something similar to jiu jitsu rolling / wrestling. Wife has a lot of experience with this. They joke about practicing this outside school, with him making comments about seeing who can hold the other down. Also some comments about being forced to share secrets, specifically through tickling each other, or in his specific words get her to “spill the juice 😏”.
5. He said she makes a cute face when she crinkles her nose, but then said he feels weird saying that. Why? “I thought you might possibly construe it as weird since you’re married.” Wife responds “Ok? We’re friends and friends use cute all the time lol”
Well this coming Saturday they’re planning to hangout / study some together, and it seems like Dick very well might make a move. Here’s their exchange word for word:
Dick: “Let’s do Saturday for sure then. Little bit if studying. Most likely a movie? Some tussles. And whatever else may happen.”
Wife: “Study and movie sounds good. Tussling is a given with how much shit you talk 😂. What else would happen?”
Dick: “Listening to music and being pillows again. Just a blanket statement for anything.”
…. (skipping miscellaneous things)
Dick: “Also don’t forget to bring comfy clothes if you want to shower before. Or don’t bring clothes and wear something nifty of mine haha”
And that leads us to now… I have no idea what to do.
I deeply love my wife and am absolutely shocked to discover this. I don’t expect her to make moves on Dick, but I honestly don’t know how she’ll respond to him making a move on her… Knowing her she genuinely believes they’re just friends, but I’m sure subconsciously she is enjoying the attention.
I’m tempted to call her out now and put a stop to it early, but I guarantee she’ll claim ignorance and say I’m paranoid and maybe even controlling.
If I wait and let things happen, I obviously risk being cheated on, but the reward is having much stronger evidence and being able to end things immediately.
What’s the best way to proceed here…?
\*
**Update** [**https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship\_advice/comments/p12fal/update\_suspect\_my\_wife\_could\_soon\_cheat\_on\_me\_how/**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/p12fal/update_suspect_my_wife_could_soon_cheat_on_me_how/)
Warning, this got long. Too complicated for a tl;dr.
**Thursday night** I couldn’t sleep with everything on my mind, so I decided to get up at 1am and check her texts to see the updates from that day. I've been doing this by checking iMessages through her laptop once she left for work in the morning.
Welp, the exchanges with Dick managed to get *significantly* worse:
He made a *“…not the only thing that’s hard..”* joke. Somehow this turned in to him admitting he gets a “natural response” when they hug or wrestle. He subtly jokes about the length of his dick and how he’s only gotten partially erect:
**Dick:** “even though it’s not little. It still didn’t have much effect.”
This was a bit delayed and out of context, leading her to question what he’s talking about.
**Dick**: “guess you’ll never know. Maybe Saturday. Until then gonna have to figure out the puzzle yourself.
**Wow, Saturday really is on.... I'm crushed.**
**Wife**: "if it isn’t little, should I have noticed you having a natural reaction? lol”
**Welp, I think she solved the puzzle...**
Showering gets brought up again. They joke about how showering is better when “properly accompanied”. She says “I mean… *you can definitely get some other things done…”*
**Well that was it, I simply couldn’t take it anymore.** I went back to the bedroom and turned the lights on and abruptly woke her up.
**“We need to talk, right now”.**
We sat down and I told her I had been reading her texts with Dick, and how this was strictly emotional infidelity soon turning in to physical infidelity. I let her know I had already been in contact with a divorce lawyer, and may or may not be meeting with him this week depending on how this plays out.
She seemed genuinely shocked by all this, so much that she started crying and having a panic attack, hyperventilating and even running to go throw up in the bathroom. No she was *not* putting on a show.
We talked for a bit. She never tried denying my feelings, attacking me, or pretending she’s the victim somehow. It was a lot of questioning to figure out *“why”* I believed all this.
I told her my first demand was to go zero contact with Dick (unless *absolutely* needed for some reason during academy hours). I had drafted up a text earlier to suggest to her, she made some mild edits and sent it off right there. She also blocked his number in front of me. Dick has not attempted contact in any way, as best I can tell at least.
While we weren’t at all fixed yet, we were better enough to at least pause things and go back to bed. She was also notably fatigued and crippled from everything, so I knew we wouldn't progress until we both could breathe some.
**On Friday** we barely saw each other. Our work hours were nearly opposite and I told her I was going solo to a friend’s party that night to cool off some and be a little distracted from it all. She stayed home with the dog all night (we have cameras, yes she did).
**Saturday morning** we had a very long but calm talk. She seemed sincere believing that in the moment every exchange felt platonic and lighthearted. Like bro talk.
We went through all the texts, I think seeing them brought together it finally started hitting her just how obvious his flirting was and how she was clearly green-lighting every further advance.
She feels absolutely terrible for letting this happen and also feels remarkably stupid for not seeing any of it. She agrees she was likely putting herself in a position for him to try and physically advance things next time they hung out. Claims it would have come as a complete surprise and would have shut him down.
**I think at this point it’s mandatory that I give some major context on my wife:**
My wife is the youngest of four, two older brothers and one older sister. Her brothers were both college athletes, they loved hazing their youngest sister and she grew up loving that dynamic back. Likewise her father is a very traditional masculine man, he loved his daughters but he definitely understood boys best.
Her older sister was always the pretty and skinny one, often being bitchy to her younger sister and using frequent offhand comments to hurt her self esteem when growing up.
This led my wife to basically grow up thinking her identity was “the really smart but chubby and ugly sibling”.
She focused on sports, being social, and absolutely killing it academically. She went to a very challenging high-school and prided herself on taking as many AP classes as possible.
In college she joined a sorority, entirely for the friendships and social activities. She disliked when they had to dress up, wear heels, and do other girly things. Her favorite events were always the crossover events with the frats, doing more generically fun group activities (food fights, competitions, drinking games etc.). If it weren’t for being female I think she would have honestly preferred joining a fraternity instead.
She had a boyfriend in high-school but for the most part I’m the only major relationship she’s ever had. She did not grow up being flirted with. In college she had guy friends, but they all knew and respected me as her boyfriend, and interactions with my wife that could be considered “flirty” were very clearly platonic.
There was one time I saw my wife dancing with a guy friend at a party and I had to tell her to cut it out. She apologized and said she didn’t see it that way, but has never done it since.
**Fast forward to now.** My wife has lost significant weight, she works out and definitely has an athletic yet feminine physique. She takes care of her skin and actually wears makeup now. Despite all this she still has incredibly low self-esteem.
Likewise, her two previous jobs were very female dominated, meaning she hasn’t had a chance to be around fun men close to her age since basically college.
**Knowing all this and knowing my wife for \~11 years now, my gut says she's completely telling the truth.** I have no reason to think she's lying, she’s never lied to me or even tried. No, it’s not that I just haven’t caught her, lying is just not a part of who she is.
Reading her texts again, she never actively flirted with him. All of her responses *feel* like playing dumb and being coy to his advances, but frankly I believe they were her *literally being dumb.*
When she responded something like “*…. and what else would happen..?*”, her brain literally meant “ok cool, what else would happen??”
When talking about his boners, she literally responded “I’m a biology major! natural reactions don’t make me uncomfortable lol”
**I’m sure plenty of you reading this think I’m a complete idiotic chump falling for this.** I get it, I really do. Outside looking in I would be thinking the exact same.
*“Bro he literally told her that he gets erections when they hug, and joked that she’ll find out how big it is on Saturday. Wat.”*
Yup. She’s literally *that* idiotic when it comes to male / female interactions.
*“Oh c’mon man, no woman is that retarded. You’re being played open your eyes!”*
**I get it and I see it. But I know my wife better than anyone, I believe she’s telling the absolute truth.**
Regardless, assuming she's being entirely truthful then I definitely have a massive task in changing how she perceives these kinds of exchanges. Preventing them entirely is the easiest way.
We're establishing some rules and doing plenty of other things to help move forward. We’ll be returning to couples therapy, reading “Not Just Friends” together, among other things.
For the most part we're in an infinitely better spot than we were late Thursday. Calm discussions, going out for a nice dinner, and lots of dirty makeup sex has put us in a pretty good spot all things considered.
**I will leave you doubters this -** I can't help but think her actions were approved of on a subconscious level to some extent. I've been reflecting on where I may be lacking in being the best man and husband I can possibly be. Planning some changes there too.
Wishing all the best to those who followed along and offered me advice. Thanks everyone. | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/p148kr/suspect_my_wife_could_soon_cheat_on_me_how_to/ | p148kr | 13,549 | 655 | [
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2021-08-09T18:58:48 | OOP wants advice regarding how to start a relationship with nieces and nephew when their father was responsible for his brother's passing...and the update brings a sad yet kind of happy twist. | Relationships | [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/ollvr8/how_do_i_start_a_relationship_with_my_nieces_and/)
**How do I start a relationship with my nieces and nephew when their father was responsible for my brother's passing.**
One of my employees mentioned that this may be a good place to get some advice for my current dilemma. I (46M) am one of 4 kids. My older brother P (48M I think) who I no longer have any contact with, my younger brother J who is no longer with us, and my youngest sister K (44F). Recently P’s children (2 girls and 1 boy, all in their late teens and early 20s) reached out to me and expressed a desire to have a relationship. I have zero contact with their father and swore that I would beat him black and blue if I ever saw him again.
A little back ground:
My oldest brother P was always the golden child. No matter what he did, my parents always had an excuse for why it was not his fault. Bad grade? Teacher had it out for him. Cheating on every single one of his relationships? “Good thing you did it to her before she did it to you” (That one was my personal favorite). He also used to torment J and I constantly when we were smaller than him, until in high school, when I hit a growth spurt and sprung up to about 6’4 and 230lbs worth of muscle. After that I became the typical jock type. Played football, partied, bunch of friends, etc. Well, my younger brother, J, didn’t get as lucky and stayed pretty small and scrawny throughout high school and college only getting up to about 5’8 and didn’t have a super active social life. Despite the difference in our schooling experience I was always very protective of J, especially since we were always having to put up with P’s bullshit. Which stopped once he realized I could pound him into the ground and not break a sweat, as he was also a lot smaller than me at only 5’10. Not much to say about K. She was a great younger sister and P didn’t dare mess with her or he would incur the wrath of our mother.
So, in the late 90s, J met his first real girlfriend, A and was over the moon about her. He spent every spare moment with her, and when he wasn’t with her, he would do nothing but gush about her. I had never seen him so happy. Well, one day, he comes to us, all smiles, and announces that A is pregnant and they are expecting. The mood quickly turned however when a week later it came out that A had been cheating on J for the duration of their relationship with our older brother P. This broke my brother, and of course P, being the golden shit that he is, didn’t even get a disappointed glance from our parents. To this day I have never seen someone look so broken as J had looked the last time I saw him. I believe his heart ache was only compounded by the fact that my parents basically told him to get over it and be happy for our brother. Well about a week after this revelation came to light, J took his own life. I had never been so sad and angry at the same time in my entire life. Sad that I would never see my brother again, and the pure rage of knowing that this was my brother and parents’ fault.
During the funeral, P walked in with A and I saw red. Thankfully I had other family there to stop me from doing anything stupid, but I told P that if I ever saw him again, I would kill him. Shortly after that, I cut contact with 90% of my family, with the exception of K and a cousin I had always been close with, because everyone except them wanted to make excuses for my parents and P.
Fast forward to present, I never had any kids and truth be told, I never wanted any. I much prefer the role of the fun uncle. K met a great guy and had 2 daughters, who I absolutely adore. P had two more kids with A before cheating on her (shocker…) and splitting and I’ve never met any of them. My parents have tried to make contact a handful of times but I always told them to kick rocks. So last week, I’m chatting with K’s daughters (19 and 17) and they mention that their cousins have wanted to meet me for a long time and were hoping I would be willing to meet them as well. I don’t believe they know everything that transpired between their dad and I, but I would be lying if I said I never had any desire to meet them.
So everyone, I’m hoping to crowd source any ideas/suggestions on how I begin/maintain a relationship with P’s kids while also keeping him and A out of my life. Any suggestions are welcome.
TL;DR: 20+ years ago my older brother caused my younger brother's suicide. Now his kids want to meet me and have a relationship but i don't know how to have a relationship without my brother getting involved.
EDIT: One commenter just brought up a good point that kind of changes my question. The reason i wanted to meet with them soon is because they are all back in town at once from college due to covid, but someone gave me the idea that maybe meeting them one at a time once they return to their college campuses/old living arrangements is the better option. Thoughts?
EDIT 2: I've had multiple people ask me why K still talks with the people i cut contact with so i'll just copy/paste one of my replies here.
Even though my sister was just as crushed about J's death as i was and was angry for a long time. She and her then boyfriend (future husband) hit a financial rough patch after graduating college and were forced to move in with our parents. Due to unrelated drama at the time, they couldn't stay with me. So my sister stayed with them for several years and over that time their relationship improved and even though i wasn't thrilled at the time, I understood. She still doesn't really have a relationship with P but is cordial if they meet. I don't blame her, because our parents did a lot for her and daughters love their cousins, so i didn't want put her in that kind of position of choosing.
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/p149lu/update_how_do_i_start_a_relationship_with_my/)
(Update) How do I start a relationship with my nieces and nephew when their father was responsible for my brother's passing.
Original post: [https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/ollvr8/how\_do\_i\_start\_a\_relationship\_with\_my\_nieces\_and/](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/ollvr8/how_do_i_start_a_relationship_with_my_nieces_and/)
Hello everyone. I’ll start off thanking the community for all their comments and replies. It gave me a lot to think about and help me formulate a plan on how I was going to approach this. I had several people tell me I should not meet up and just let sleeping dogs lie, but the ‘what if’ of it all would eaten me alive if I didn’t see them. Second, I wanted to answer a few questions/concerns that people brought up in my previous post. One of them was why I used letters to represent the people in my story and not just make up fake names. I mostly did this because I didn’t want to confuse myself with fake names and then accidentally put the wrong name to represent someone’s role/actions. I apologize if this makes it difficult to read. Another concern I saw a lot was that they were trying to get back in contact for my money, which was also a concern of mine, but I don’t spoil my sister’s children at all. I’m currently helping her oldest with financial aid and will be assisting the youngest as well, but no money is coming out of my pocket. I’m simply teaching them responsible money management, along with putting them in contact with financial advisors and they are extremely grateful, so I hope they will not expect some kind of college loan that they’re not going to get. Finally, I had several people ask if I ever went to therapy for this. I did go see a therapist pretty regularly for about 6 years after I made the initial break from my family and it did help significantly. She did counsel reconciliation for a very long time but I told her that it was not up for discussion. She also helped me see who else in my life were big problems and helped me make a semi-clean break from them as well. One of the not so clean breaks, was the reason I was unable to take K in after she hit financial troubles and had to move back in with our parents. So, on to the update:
I decided to hold off on meeting them as a group, especially since they were still living with their dad at the time, and just do one on one meetings. I also didn’t want to be bombarded with questions or propositions for money if their intentions weren’t good. So, the first one to go back to her college town, which was shortly after my first post, was the oldest of P’s kids who I’ll call C (21F). She went back to find a place to stay and get a part time job in her college town so that she was ready for classes to start in the fall. I got her personal email from K’s kids, because I don’t really have social media, and decided to reach out to her. She was pretty excited to hear from me and I flew to her city and we set up a time to meet on one of her days off.
I got to the restaurant early so that I could have a few drinks and calm my nerves. I decided to reserve the most private table they had so that we could say anything we wanted without people listening in and/or staring. Well, the moment she walked through the door, I immediately knew who she was. She was the spitting of my mother (her grandmother) when she was that age. She even had the green eyes that J and I inherited from our mother. P was always jealous he never inherited them, because we were always getting complements from strangers when we were little about our eyes, and you could tell it would burn P a new asshole because people weren’t paying attention to him. So, I kept it together and we said our greetings. After the typical small talk about school, life and work, we place our orders. Then she finally says “I guess you’re wondering why I wanted to meet you?”. She proceeds to tell me that last year, she decided to buy an ancestry DNA kit for her and her sister as something fun to do during lockdown and, as many of you guessed, the kit came back as them being a half-sisters. C is J’s daughter!
She goes on to tell me that growing up, P had always treated his other kids better than her, and with the DNA results, it all finally made sense why and the reason they don’t have the best relationship. Clearly P is still just as big a piece of shit as he always was. Nice to know some things never change. I’m sure he harbored some kind of resentment with the chance of her being J’s daughter. After going to her mom with the results, A surprisingly admitted to everything that happened. I guess after A found out that her daughter was J’s child, the situation and his suicide hit her like a ton of bricks and she has harbored a great deal of guilt regarding it ever since. A went on to tell her all about the circumstances of her conception, J’s suicide, my estrangement, the reason for their rocky relationship, etc. According to her, P wanted to give her up for adoption after she was born, but my parents (who I guess finally grew a spine) told him ‘no’ and that they would financially cut him off if he did. So once lock down restrictions finally started to lift in California, she thought reaching out to me would be the best way to get to know what her bio father was like.
Apparently, it was only her that really had the urge to meet me, as I was closest to J during his life and that was when she let K’s daughters know that she wanted to meet me and ask them to contact me on her behalf. She knew we were close and that would be the best way to get in touch. After this, I couldn’t hold back anymore, the water works began flowing. I couldn’t help but apologize to C for all the things she had to go through with P. If I had known, I would have adopted C in a heartbeat. We spent the rest of the meal just talking about J. Remembering old stories about him that I thought I had forgot. She is a great girl and smart as a whip, telling me how she intends to pursue her masters in computer science. She has scholarships and grants to cover all her schooling, which put my mind at ease that I probably wasn’t being taken for the long con. We ended the night with exchanging contact info and a big hug. Feels like I got a little piece of J back.
Now knowing that it was only C who really wished to meet, I asked her if she would reach out to her siblings on my behalf and see if they wanted to meet as well. Other than that, I am extremely happy with how this meeting turned out and feel like I have a lot of catching up to do with C in the future. Thankfully she completely understood and respected my desire to still stay no contact with P and her mother. I’m sure I will do an update on each of my meetings with the other kids as well.
TL;DR: Met with the eldest niece. Turns out she is J’s daughter! Had a fantastic night remembering him and connecting with his daughter. | GreenThumbCottage | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/p17ygy/oop_wants_advice_regarding_how_to_start_a/ | p17ygy | 12,874 | 1,148 | [
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2021-08-09T19:48:55 | Me [60 M] with my daughter [19 F], she hasn't had a single friend since middle school and I am starting to get worried | r/Advice | *I'm not the original poster. This was posted originally in r/Advice*
* [**Original Posting**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4l41q0/me_60_m_with_my_daughter_19_f_she_hasnt_had_a/)
Hi, I hope this is the right subreddit to post in. I browse reddit occasionally, but this is my first time posting.
I'll get right to the point: my daughter "Mia" has not made a single friend since middle school, and she is now entering her sophomore year of college. Before you ask, no it is not by choice. but I'll talk about that later.
"Mia" was very popular in middle school, she went out with friends every other day and attended a lot of parties. Ultimately, it got out of hand. Mia was drinking a lot, and while I drank a little underage, she was out of control. She never did hard drugs, but some of her friends did. When one of them OD'd, it was a wake up call for Mia and she got her act together. Unfortunately, this meant cutting out all of her former friends, and she entered high school alone.
Now I don't know what went on in high school, if she was bullied or just ignored, but she came home almost every day because she had to eat lunch and do projects by herself. This broke my heart. Mia is a very sweet girl, but she can come off as shy and perhaps a little odd at times. She claims she put herself out there a lot, but still, no friends to speak of. No birthday parties, no after school hangouts, no facebook friends.
I was convinced that when she entered college things would change, but when we talk, she still cries and says she is alone, and that her coworkers exclude her whenever they go out after work.
I am worried for my daughter. She is very intelligent, pretty, and kind, but obviously something is going wrong here? She has a therapist already but what she needs is a friend and I don't know what I can do as her father. I am her only family, and I'm getting old now. What happens when I'm gone?
tl;dr: My daughter has no friends (I'm not sure why), it is upsetting her but I don't know what I can do to help
Edit: thank you all for your responses, advice, and kind words. I am reading every comment but I do not have time to reply to all of them.
* [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/517bj9/update_me_60_m_with_my_daughter_19_f_she_hasnt/)
My apologies in advance, this got much longer than I anticipated.
Hello reddit,
I debated for a while on whether or not I should post an update. On one hand, I don't want to violate my daughter's privacy and trust, but on the other hand, I received countless comments and messages from people telling me how they related to my Mia's situation and wanted nearly as badly as I did for her to find happiness. In the end I decided that while I am not going to tell Mia about this post, I think she would be okay with me sharing vague details in order to benefit other people like her.
Soon after I made my post, I visited Mia and she told me about something she and her therapist had been discussing. Mia said that if she was going to be alone, even if it was just for a little bit longer, she at least wanted be happy with herself. (I think she worded it as saying that was the person she was hanging out with the most, so she needed to like them). So instead of pursuing friends for the time being, she was going to make herself happy.
We made a couple appointments for superficial things, she got her teeth whitened and her hair dyed. She also bought some new camera gadgets so she could start practicing photography.
Then came the really big decision. She told me she wanted to start taking classes at a different college (film school). I don't know why it never occurred to me but it seems like a natural choice given her love for film.
We were only a few months away from when this school's semester started, but because they were small and somewhat under the radar they were very accommodating towards us and I managed to enroll Mia in 3 classes for the fall semester. I was very stressed during this time, but it ended up being worth it.
Anyway, Mia started school and is absolutely loving it. The best part, and the reason I am making this post, is because she instantly attracted a bunch of new friends! Mia is very shy so I can tell she's a little overwhelmed by all of this attention all of the sudden, but she is obviously very happy. Instead of teary skype calls she now gushes to me about how her day is going.
You guys were all right. She just needed to find a common interest to meet new people and make friends, and that interest turned out to be movies.
I hope this helps those of you who messaged me, and I also hope you now know that even if you think you will be alone forever, don't give up! Maybe you just haven't met the right people yet.
Thanks again reddit.
tl;dr: Mia has friends now! | Schattenspringer | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/p18zh0/me_60_m_with_my_daughter_19_f_she_hasnt_had_a/ | p18zh0 | 4,829 | 1,318 | [
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2021-08-09T21:59:51 | OP wants to cancel wedding after partner is hospitalised. "Best friend" lies and steals wedding, telling everyone it was a gift. | AITA | This was originally posted in r/AITA by u/TimeCaterpillar24
https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/owulqg/aita_for_ruining_my_friends_wedding_by_first/
Sorry in advance for the long post, English is not our primary language.
Partner- A, Entitled friend- EF, EF's parents- EFP, Parents - P
My partner A (28 M) and I (25 F) were scheduled to marry this year. A and I and my family would be paying for it. Months before the wedding, A got injured. We put a hold on the ceremony. The date we had picked was also of importance for us. Several vendors couldn’t refund us such as The decor, food and the location. A and I were leaning towards having a small party instead, on the same day.
My friend EF (27 F) was also engaged. After A and I cancelled our own wedding, I had been talking to her and telling her about it. She said, "it would be funny if I had my wedding there on that day instead". I firmly said no as that day was still a significant day for me and I would be planning something else for that day.EF then led her parents (EFP) to believe that I offered her the venue, food and decor. It was only when they visited my family to give them the wedding invites that my parents (P) learnt of this.
P were in the loop about my own plans with the location. However, EF started crying asking her 'godparents' (P) to agree. P did not confirm till they had spoken to me.
EFP, EF and P wanted to convince me but I said no. EF and EFP started accusing P of having raised their hopes and going back on their words. Under coercion, A and I felt obligated to say yes.
My friend invited me to her wedding as a bridesmaid. I declined to attend. I told EF that P were free to attend. This resulted in a breakdown on her end with all her friends & family calling me to yell at me. She threatened to cancel the wedding if I was not present. A asked me to reconsider. I agreed to attend. I did let Ef know that I would be attending.
On the day of the wedding, I contacted a mutual to ask the colour of the bride and the bridal party's outfits to not clash with them. However, EFP pulled me aside to demand that I had to go change as EF wore something similar. I made it clear that If I left I would not be making it back. The argument grew from there and I walked out.
I broke down and cried in the parking lot. I was surrounded by some of our mutual friends. I was not aware of the fact that EF's boss was just around the corner and overheard me crying and was upset at EF's behaviour. Other guests nearby were starting to crowd but I was too distressed to see anyone else.
After we left this spread like wildfire at the wedding with several guests either scolding EFP & EF and many others walking out.
P scolded me for acting the way I did and for ruining EF’s marriage as well as angry messages, social media posts and angry voicemails from many of her EFP and EF's family and friends. Calling me a spoilt brat and attention whore. Even EFPs have been telling people that they paid for the whole wedding and that I am just throwing a tantrum to gain attention. (I confirmed with P, they did not pay) However, with everyone around me calling me the asshole, AITA?
Update- I know it's only been a few hours but I do have an update. I did manage to get in touch with the vendor providing all three services and turns out EF led them to believe that the wedding was no longer going to take place due to a disagreement between mine and A's families so we had asked her to prepone her wedding to replace mine and that we were going through a lot so she would be the new point of contact from that point onwards.
We also had a mutual family friend step in and speak to them in a manner as if they had not heard from us yet. Turns out the EFP was made to believe that they had paid for the wedding by EF who collected. a lump sum money from her parents. It was only later that she came clean to them about it and so instead of confessing their error, they decided to double down and enforce it further.
We finally also sent out a long message to EF and EFP to warn them of their behaviour and that we would be speaking to everyone we knew about it. They are yet to respond but many friends and family have reached out to check on us and console us as all this happened literally a day back. They have been kind and have been sharing other cases of backstabbing by this family that my family was not aware of. They have also been hearing our side of the story and are strongly defending us.
Update 2–– Sorry A LOT has been going on.
1) I wanted to explain the vendor situation since people are really caught up about it and since screenshots of this post have already reach loved, Idc about people piecing two and two together anymore.
So, The Vendors were basically a single hotel with a spacious community hall. We had a downpayment placed which was quite sizable but a small portion was still left to be paid. The agreement was the word of mouth as this is a privately owned business from someone within the community. The reason why we could not cancel is that they book single events a day and not multiple and if we cancelled it would be a major revenue loss for them for the day. (From what I understood)
2) A lot of you are being abusive towards my parents. They were equally ambushed in this entire situation. Yes, they could have been firm and not pressurised me a bit but they did what they thought best in the situation. SO many of you are so so blissfully unaware of social cues and cultures beyond a very westernized or eurocentric culture. Sometimes small migratory communities exist where rules of the community often take precedence. All of you asking me to grow a backbone, thanks, I guess. My post landed in a different subreddit where people are very sure that I have made this up for some form of validation... How hollow do you think lives are that their first post on this site is going to be one for 'validation'. Just because it is a very very very convoluted dumpster fire type of post, it has to be fake? I am sorry my exact experiences were not very similar to yours and the events happened in what felt like hyperspeed while my partner was also in and out of the hospital due to fears of spinal injury. I was also forced to use the most ridiculous abbreviations to save character space.
Now onto the relevant bit–
Easha (EF) and her husband have left for a honeymoon in Paris (yes in the middle of the pandemic). The honeymoon is being paid for by the money she collected from her parents in name of paying us back. Her parents and mine met again yesterday after all this unravelled within the far extended community and they were shamed to get in touch with us as soon as possible. Her parents were duped by their own child into paying a large amount of money, which she decided to use to take a vacation, as otherwise, her partner and she could not afford to be paying for it themselves. Her family is apologetic but we have made it clear that we would like to see the money returned even if in small instalments by next year when my partner and I have decided to tie the knot. We will also no longer remain in touch with the family and they agree it might be for the best. Easha's in-laws have also heard of it and have also cut off Easha and her family till we are paid in full. We will go ahead and get legally married but will wait for a civil marriage till we move in together! Easha is currently in deep water with her family who have decided to cut her off and cancel all access to them financially. Her family is rather well off but she herself is not the most stable. However, as in most south Asian cultures, kids tend to live with their families for a majority of their lives if not all their lives. Easha's mother has also since apologised for how she acted about the outfit change. Easha had instructed her to ask me to go change as she was not happy about my presence as she felt I would be taking the limelight away from her with my -in her own words- Hobbling fiance and I becoming the centre of attention as people would flock to sympathise with us or congratulate us, instead of focusing on her. Like, damn, at least she could have waited till I had some of the amazing wedding food!
The reason they have so much power over us is that our families have been friends for generations. Easha's grandfather helped pay for my grandfather's housing while our family was nearly rendered homeless and they also took my father in when times were tough so as to ensure he got the best of the care and his education and schooling were not hampered. As is also very common in South Asian communities, loved ones often gather together as financial support during major life events, so did they. they stepped in and helped pay for my mother's medical expenses when I was born due to the absolute trauma my birth was on her and the medical nightmare it turned into. There were so many other instances of her family swooping in to help us, including this year when I lost a grandparent and they supported us through the sheer emotional drain it was on us. We cannot just brush past these instances and jump to cutting people off –– till now. While I will always be very grateful for Grandpa and Grandma on Easha's end, I cannot extend the same for her.
I felt like an asshole. I really did at the time I started writing this. I was emotionally exhausted, I had everyone around me scold me for a very public outburst (south Asians and emotions don't go hand-in-hand unless in our beloved over the top movies). Easha was also nearly fired which added to the hate I was getting from those around me. Easha also apparently cried during the ceremony when she heard about it and the tears of a bride always pull at heartstrings. I was being told I could have done the decent thing and agreed to be a bridesmaid as I am her closest friend. I was being told I should not have had a very public breakdown. I was told that my family could have been gracious in giving them the wedding and then sorted it amongst ourselves later in private rather than creating an unsightly scene. I genuinely felt like a right bastard when I had originally written the 9000 odd character post that I had to seriously edit to fit 3k characters.
So Thank you Reddit. This WAS a dumpster fire from start to end but I am also so happy this got sorted as fast as it did – apparently being in a fight with your oldest friends also means you both are ready to put things aside for a minute to have a civil conversation.
*A few comments from OP to explain the cultural background.*
I completely agree with the me being an AH towards myself. However in our culture reputation is a big thing and when my parents started getting abused (after my fiancé and I spent the entire day running from one hospital to another for tests) it was too much and I could not say no.
I had to cut this out due to the word limit. In our culture once you give your word, if you go back, you are shamed and abused and you fall in the eyes of your society. The blame for it would fall on my parents.
I am still trying to figure it out. I don’t know where our families stand anymore. My parents are pretty disappointed and upset. Luckily since it was going to be a small wedding the venue we selected was also able to provide us with food and decor (for extra pay). And that did save us some money then if we had reached out to individual vendors. (We had to do that for floral arrangements, make up, cake, photography and for music)
I don’t know if social obligations will allow me to demand a fat check since they have mostly told people that they have paid us back for it already and are now telling people we offered it as a gift but that they paid us back for it irrespective. (This reflects poorly on us in the eyes of the community where we are making them pay for a gift)
Out families are very close and often times families will get together to pay for their children’s weddings or other big celebrations. But yes. They are definitely being cut off soon. | rajwebber | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/p1bkf5/op_wants_to_cancel_wedding_after_partner_is/ | p1bkf5 | 12,085 | 385 | [
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2021-08-10T00:42:26 | 16 year old OP overhears 34M BIL discussing her body in very disturbing ways. Mother thinks she's making it up. | Relationship_Advice | This is a repost of a post from u/relationship_advice I am not the original author.
I decided not to make this NSFW but the details could be triggering.
[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/p0221o/my_16f_sister23fs_husband_34m_made_weird_comments/)
**My (16f) sister(23f)’s husband (34m) made weird comments about me that made me uncomfortable, i told my mom (47f)and she said I’m acting jealous**
Hi everyone sorry I know there are a lot of ages up there so it’s:
Me- 16f Sister-23f Brother in law- 34m Mom-47f
Okay so last night was my birthday. My sister and her husband (they got married a few months ago) came over to celebrate along with my parents and me and our little brother.
My sisters husband was drinking a lot.we have a big backyard and were all in the pool. At one point my brother in law got a phone call so he went inside to talk. My dad wanted to grill more burgers so he asked me to go into the basement for more lighter fuel. My house is really big but a lot of people don’t realize that the vents are all connected and sound travels. So my BIL was in the second floor bathroom but I could hear him through the vent in the basement.
I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop so I’m not sure how this conversation started. But then I overheard him say “yeah I’m here for her birthday, you should see what she’s wearing, it’s insane.” Then he described my bathing suit, said my body was “so tight it makes him sick”, and then said how it “sucks” it was my 16th birthday, he was still talking but I felt really weird and freaked out so I ran out and went to my mom.
I took her aside (she had been talking to my sister) and told her everything I had heard. After I was done she literally rolled her eyes and was said really loud, “please Asher, if you’re going to make up stories at least make them plausible”. At this point my BIL was back outside so I was really freaked out he was going to hear but my mom kept going saying stuff like why would he look at “a kid” like that when he has my sister, how my sister is prettier anyway and it’s clear I’ve been jealous since they’ve gotten married.
I got really upset and just left, I think I might’ve been crying but as I’m going back in my mom says super loudly to everyone how I need to “pick to be dramatic or a liar but I can’t be both”.
My mom has always liked my sister more than me but she’s never been that mean. I feel like if I talk to my sister she’s just going to say I’m dramatic and jealous too because it’s what my mom said.
Tl;dr: BIL said weird stuff and my mom said I’m just dramatic and jealous
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/p1ba94/update_i_told_my_sister_about_it_original_my_16f/)
**\*\*Update: I told my sister about it\*\***
Hey everyone! My first post is [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/p0221o/my_16f_sister23fs_husband_34m_made_weird_comments/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) and a few people asked me for an update!!
The title is basically the summary of what happened if you don’t wanna bother to read the entire first post lol.
So the next day I ended up telling my sister what I overheard her husband saying. And she *flipped out*. I guess this wasn’t the first time he’s talked about me and last time she confronted him about it and he just brushed it off like he was just joking, he made her feel like she was weird for thinking his comments were weird.
So I guess she confronted him about it and he got really mad and was like “oh that little bitch was listening outside the door” and stuff like that but then my sister was like um no she heard you down in the basement through the vents. So then he was like well I was just saying she was pretty so I don’t know what’s wrong with that and my sister was like wtf this is the second time you’ve specifically talked about her body.
Anyway so right now she kicked him out and he’s saying with his brother bc she’s really creeped out by the whole situation. They don’t have any kids or anything so maybe if she decides to break up with him it won’t be that bad. | mermaidpaint | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/p1eg0j/16_year_old_op_overhears_34m_bil_discussing_her/ | p1eg0j | 4,128 | 1,351 | [
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2021-08-10T12:59:07 | My son’s (18M) mother’s family poisoned him against me. He thinks I (33M) abandoned him | Relationship_Advice | Original post by u/ThrowRAson_help
**[Original](https://old.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ofdi1p/my_sons_18m_mothers_family_poisoned_him_against/)**
Judging by the age I’m guessing you all know how young I was when he was born. His mom (my ex) we’re best friends since we were in kindergarten. She was the love of my life. We were together from 5th grade up until our sophomore year. Her family just made us stop having contact, they moved an everything. For the longest time I wondered why but now I know my answer. Beginning of June I’m sent a txt from an unknown number. “You dont know me but” and after a long message he tells me he’s my son. And wanted me to know he graduated from highschool, got accepted into college no thanks to me. He just wanted me to know that he managed to do it without his deadbeat father. I have my cell on my Facebook page and stuff so he probably got it from there. So part of me was thinking this had to be a prank but he mentioned my ex. I had to call him and asked to meet up.
He at least agreed, I was nervous meeting him but he seemed to hate me. It was very emotional for me because I saw so much of my ex in him and also some me. And I never had a clue. My ex passed when he was 2. Her parents told him I wanted no involvement in his life. But I was never even told of his existence! I absolutely would’ve been around if I knew I got her pregnant. He didn’t believe me. And he thinks I’m just trying to cover my ass. That’s not it but he seems to think so. They want as far as to tell him I broke up with her whne she told me and wanted nothing to do with him (as a way to convince him he doesn’t need a dad like me in his life).
My son left the park where we met still not believing me. He was really upset. What stung the most was the hate on his face. The way he was looking like I’m the biggest piece of shit on the planet. I’m crushed. I told him I want to know more about him, be in his life and I absolutely would’ve if I’d known. He doesn’t seem to want anything to do with me. They’ve said too much against me. How do I get him to see that I’m telling the truth? I’m heartbroken over this, never wanted him to think he was unwanted his whole life. Is there any way to convince him I didn’t know anything about him? Or what do I do to navigate things with him?
**[Update](https://old.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/p1exjz/update_my_sons_18m_mothers_family_poisoned_him/)**
Honestly I wasn’t sure about posting this. It’s been a very emotional heavy ordeal and I’m not usually one to post such personal things online. But you all helped a lot and if it hadn’t been for your suggestions I’d probably still be lost. Well...more lost than I still am right now. I decided to go ahead and find some way to prove things happened the way they did. Old friends of hers from school, family. At least so he’d know the real truth . not just my word against theirs. It took some time but I actually managed to find and get in touch with my ex’s older sister. She wasn’t as open to meeting me. Practically had to beg her to at least give me a half hour.
Not only was my son told that I bailed on him but she was told too. Not by my ex though. Their parents. I explained my side of it, it didn’t seem like she believed me. Thing is she was across the country in college already so was only told what happened. I thought I had hit a dead end with her. Only she calls me days later crying. This is where it gets personal: My ex passed away because she was depressed and well, she did something. She left letters for everyone. Her, their parents, my son, and apparently me. Only they never gave it to me obviously. She kept it but again she thought I was a deadbeat and felt I didn’t deserve my ex’s last words (she apologized for that). Our meeting sparked interest and she decided after all that time to read what my ex wrote to me. She felt weird about reading it before because my ex intended it to be only for me so to her it seemed like it might be disrespectful. But she went ahead and read it.
All of it was there. Her apologies for never telling me the truth, letting her parents make this decision to keep me from him. Many other personal things that I’d rather not get into here. Her sister came over with the letter. I finally got to read it and hit me so hard instantly. Think it’s the first time since this came out that I really acknowledged the fact that I lost her.
Her sister agreed to talk to my son alone.
It’s all out there now. He called me that same week to ask if we can talk. And he was here at my place. I could tell this was hard on him just how he still looked angry at me but he was pretty emotional too. I just told him how sorry I was for not being there, he deserved a father and I couldn’t be that when he needed it. and like I told him before I’m open to being whatever he’d like me to be in his life. After a while we wound up on the topic of his mom. That I was able to freely talk about for hours. He was very curious about that. Took out old pictures and everything. First conversation we got to have without any hostility or tensions.
I did break down a few times talking about her but he seemed to understand. He came over around 9 and it was past midnight by the time we looked at the clock. My son hasn’t said anything about what he’d like from our relationship but he says we can keep talking. I know it’s going to take a lot of time and he’s not in the best place right now mentally or emotionally. From what her sister told me he really went off on her parents. Well they both did l. Right now he’s staying with a friend and she’s helping him look for his own place. He’s got so much going on so following everyone’s advice here giving him all the time/space he needs. I’m ready to be there for him whenever he needs me. And he at least seems open to it. We have only talked a few more times since. Still a bit short with me. Not as angry as he was before at least. He knows the truth now and to that’s the most important step. It’s a bit conflicting because I’m happy that he believes me and giving us the opportunity to talk, but also sad that his whole world is a mess right now and he’s trying to deal with it.
Sorry for the long post. I know it’s quite a bit but it’s so much that’s happened in such a short period. Its not perfect. Don’t think it’ll ever be. He knows now he was lied to and we’re talking little by little. All I really hoped for. Thank you Reddit for this support! I’ll definitely be following your advice as some of you gave some really good ones! | wormhole222 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/p1oo1e/my_sons_18m_mothers_family_poisoned_him_against/ | p1oo1e | 6,583 | 1,286 | [
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2021-08-11T00:43:13 | AITA for paying for one daughter’s extras but not the other’s? | AITA | [Original ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ouncxu/aita_for_paying_for_one_daughters_extras_but_not/)
AITA for paying for one daughter’s extras but not the other’s?
My husband (50M) and I (48F) have twin daughters (17F), Kate and Amy. Both of our daughters do very well academically. They have their full license and occasionally use one of our cars. We are fortunate to be doing well financially.
The issue: our parenting philosophy for the girls is that we will obviously support them financially while they are still in high school and living at home and we will pay for their extracurriculars, but they are both old enough to have after-school jobs and pay for what we call their “extras”. Amy has always been very passionate about sports. She currently swims competitively and trains 5 days a week, sometimes 2x a day. We pay for her club fees, equipment, travel expenses to meets etc. and are happy to do so. Now that she is old enough, Amy drives herself and one of her teammates to their morning (4:30am) practice, and my husband and I pay half the gas (the other girl’s parents pay for her share). Between school and practice, Amy does not have time for a part-time job, but she saves birthday/Christmas money and babysits occasionally to pay for extras and go out for lunch with friends.
Kate has never been interested in sports and this is totally fine with us. Kate is very interested in clothes, hair, makeup etc. (Amy is not at all). Again, as long as she isn’t neglecting school we have no problem with this. However, we have told Kate that she will need to find a job to pay for the makeup she wants, her hair, her nails, the extra clothes she wants (the girls wear uniforms to school, we buy their regular clothes but will not buy multiple new outfits each month), her gas, her daily Starbucks habit. I will pay for the girls to get haircuts, but I will not pay $300 for her to get a full head of highlights. I will buy them drugstore shampoo but not the $60 salon brand. I don’t know why a 17 year old needs a night serum but she will need to buy the expensive skincare products she feels she needs. We will buy the girls their phones and pay for their plans but we will not buy the latest model of iPhone the second it comes out.
This has led to MANY recent bouts of screaming and accusations of assholery directed at us from Kate. She has accused my husband and I of favoritism because we pay for Amy’s swimming “extras” but not her “extras”. She sees her friend’s parents paying for everything and thinks we should as well because we can. She also thinks we should be spending the same amount on both the girls every month. I’ve told her that if she decided she wants to do an actual extracurricular activity (an art class, a fashion-related class etc) I’m happy to pay for it but otherwise she is responsible for paying for her extras. My sister thinks that since we can afford to pay for all of these things we should, but our philosophy is that we want them to learn to be financially responsible and save for things they want. I feel guilty because I want them to feel like distinct but equally loved individuals. AITA?
[Update ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oy3yeg/update_aita_for_lying_for_one_daughters_extras/)
After reading through the comments here, my husband and I sat down and had a chat about this last weekend. We decided that we will cover the cost of one of their “luxury items” (since many seemed to conflate extras and extracurriculars) up to $50 each month.
They are obviously allowed to save and roll over this $50 to the next month (eg. If there is an item or service worth $100 or $150 they want then they will have to plan accordingly). We will also cover gas within a reasonable amount.
We sat down with each daughter separately to discuss this, and also to re-emphasize the importance of learning how to budget and prioritize nonessential purchases. We reminded them that they will be required to find a job once they finish high school if they are not enrolled in a degree/diploma program or apprenticeship. In our talk with Kate we explained to her why we were so emphatic about extracurriculars and told her that if she was able to demonstrate a legitimate commitment to learning more about makeup and/or fashion, either by taking classes, getting a related part-time job, applying for internships, or some other means of her choosing, then we would be willing to invest more into this as a hobby of hers. We also mentioned this would be a smart idea if she was considering this as a career path. She reiterated that she does not want to take a makeup/fashion class or get a job at the moment. Oddly enough she did say she would like to take a cooking class, which she has not expressed interest in in the past. We have found a weekend course she is excited to enrol in in the city in September (4 hours every Sunday for one month). Based on many of the comments, I’ve decided to take a more active interest in Kate’s interest, by talking to her more about them and participating in them with her when I can. We also booked a mani/pedi together this weekend, which I’m happy to do sporadically but I don’t want it to be expected (Amy is not interested).
Some commenters suggested it’s unfair to not spend the exact dollar amount on each daughter, which I disagree with wholeheartedly. With that said, the cost of this cooking course is equal to roughly 2 months of Amy’s club fees and miscellaneous swimming costs. If Kate decides to enrol in another course after this we will happily pay for it, and we are happy to buy her books, tools etc if she is interested in pursuing this. Regardless of whether or not either daughter continues in their chosen activity, we will not be providing more than $50/mo for luxury items. To those of you suggesting it’s abusive to not pay for your teenage daughter’s eyelash extensions or video games, I’m not sure what to say other than good luck raising children who are not a blight of privilege on society.
Edit: obviously unintentional typo in title. | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/p2296z/aita_for_paying_for_one_daughters_extras_but_not/ | p2296z | 6,096 | 581 | [
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2021-08-11T00:43:31 | OP (18F) goes to a concert with her finance, leaves him | AITA | This is a repost of an AITA post, some comments, and the edited-to-add updates. The original post by the original poster can be found [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p1ucuf/aita_for_not_getting_water_at_a_concert_when_it/).
# AITA for not getting water at a concert when it was really hot & humid?
I don’t post much on Reddit but it’s been on my mind. So I (18F) went to a concert recently with my boyfriend (20M) with another couple (19F and; (20M). (We’re vaccinated, we masked up, there weren’t a lot of people.)But where we are in summer it gets REALLY humid. It feels like a swamp. It’s awful and I am grateful for AC.
Anyway I paid for his ticket (it was a four pack where we could get lawn seats for each of us for a reasonable price and I paid his share). From the start of the day he was ignoring me, which really bothered my friend (19F). We had decided between bands that different groups would go get water, and the first time it was my and 19F’s turn, and she told me it bugged me that he was blatantly ignoring me when I’d paid his ticket. (To be clear we didn’t buy water - we refilled water bottles at the water fountains, only the first waters were bought.) It bugged me too but I didn’t want to say anything to upset him. The first band played and there was a break and it was the guys turn to get water, but my bf refused and said I needed to go get it. Friends BF refused also. Friend and I went down the lawn again and someone hit my shoulder pretty hard (I’m ok) and my friend had had it with my bf. She said “we’re not going to get it. They can get it themselves, we are throwing out these water bottles. He can’t treat you like that.” I was in agreement and she threw them away.
Later when we got back (we took some time to vent) bf asked where the water was and friend told him I’d gotten hurt. He patted me but then continued to ignore me. He did this for the next two bands & then finally the headliner was about to play. Friend was getting pretty mad and kept trying to get him to pay attention to me the way her bf was paying attention to her. Finally during the final band she screamed at him that he was being an asshole & that he was lazy and a jerk. I snapped at friend (which I regret) and burst into tears. He walked away and I tried to follow him. He screamed at me when he saw I was crying and said “god you’re such a goddamn emo crybaby! I’m going to go home with someone else!” I didn’t even WANT to cry, I hate crying in public! I was so embarrassed and it just made me cry harder. He kept looking over at me with some of his other friends and after the final band played he came over and told me that it was just the heat that made him snap. I apologized for not getting the water but the car ride home was very awkward.
He won’t let it go at home. AITA? I didn’t stop my friend from throwing out the water and I basically made a scene in public. I’ve already apologized but it feels like I may be TA since this all could’ve been prevented if I hadn’t let my friend throw away the water bottles.
>(replies in comments from OP)
>
>"Most of the time he’s really nice and he apologizes if he gets mad. It’s not always that he does. It’s definitely been on my mind that this was in public though"
>
>"We actually brought empty bottles so we didn’t waste money on it. I’d bring it up but I’m afraid of what he’ll do or say."
>
>"just know he wasn’t always like this. And he says he loves me which makes me think things can be okay again? I dunno the whole thing is very stressful tbh"
>
>"It’s not every day, but it’s not a one off scenario. Tbh I feel a lot like I’m walking on eggshells. I don’t know what will set him off. Other times things are amazing. But I don’t know when those days will be and when or if they’ll suddenly be on eggshells. Usually he lets stuff go but this time he isn’t and I’m just at a loss"
>
>\[ u/MoyamoyaWarrior "I do also want to add based on your edits he is going to pull out ***ALL THE STOPS*** to try and get you back, potentially including threats of self harm, do not let him drag you back."\]
>
>"He has threatened that before. I don’t want to be the reason someone hurts themselves."
EDIT: we’ve been together 1.5 years & are engaged. Forgot to mention that.
EDIT: I feel like I should clarify this isn’t the first time he’s called me names or yelled at me, just the first time in public. But then after he always apologizes and until I say it’s okay he’s super nice. But he wasn’t always like this. I want to talk to him about it but I’m nervous about what he’ll say or do. Last time I brought up something that made me uncomfortable he destroyed a drawing I made him. I’m starting to wonder if this whole relationship is a mistake.
EDIT: the amount of people immediately saying this is abusive is giving me a lot to think about; I think I need to call my sister & ask to stay a few days. Just to get away from the tension here.
UPDATE: so I called my sister, and we had a long talk where more info about the relationship was discussed and I have made some big decisions. Tonight while he’s at work she’s helping me get my stuff and get out. We both agreed that we didn’t know what his reaction would be and she doesn’t feel that I’m safe gambling on that. As of tonight, I’m leaving. Thank you everyone with more life experience for your help. This was my first relationship so I don’t think I knew enough. Wish me luck. | KittyScholar | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/p229cu/op_18f_goes_to_a_concert_with_her_finance_leaves/ | p229cu | 5,516 | 299 | [
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2021-08-11T00:47:09 | OP Gets A Wake Up Call From Reddit About Her Boyfriend | AITA | So I got off of reddit for the day and I've come back to check on this post again -because I'm a sucker and I was actually worried for this chick- only to find that it's been deleted for being a shit post. 🙄
[Original Post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p1ucuf/aita_for_not_getting_water_at_a_concert_when_it/)
AITA for not getting water at a concert when it was really hot & humid?
I don’t post much on Reddit but it’s been on my mind. So I (18F) went to a concert recently with my boyfriend (20M) with another couple (19F and; (20M). (We’re vaccinated, we masked up, there weren’t a lot of people.)But where we are in summer it gets REALLY humid. It feels like a swamp. It’s awful and I am grateful for AC.
Anyway I paid for his ticket (it was a four pack where we could get lawn seats for each of us for a reasonable price and I paid his share). From the start of the day he was ignoring me, which really bothered my friend (19F). We had decided between bands that different groups would go get water, and the first time it was my and 19F’s turn, and she told me it bugged me that he was blatantly ignoring me when I’d paid his ticket. (To be clear we didn’t buy water - we refilled water bottles at the water fountains, only the first waters were bought.) It bugged me too but I didn’t want to say anything to upset him. The first band played and there was a break and it was the guys turn to get water, but my bf refused and said I needed to go get it. Friends BF refused also. Friend and I went down the lawn again and someone hit my shoulder pretty hard (I’m ok) and my friend had had it with my bf. She said “we’re not going to get it. They can get it themselves, we are throwing out these water bottles. He can’t treat you like that.” I was in agreement and she threw them away.
Later when we got back (we took some time to vent) bf asked where the water was and friend told him I’d gotten hurt. He patted me but then continued to ignore me. He did this for the next two bands & then finally the headliner was about to play. Friend was getting pretty mad and kept trying to get him to pay attention to me the way her bf was paying attention to her. Finally during the final band she screamed at him that he was being an asshole & that he was lazy and a jerk. I snapped at friend (which I regret) and burst into tears. He walked away and I tried to follow him. He screamed at me when he saw I was crying and said “god you’re such a goddamn emo crybaby! I’m going to go home with someone else!” I didn’t even WANT to cry, I hate crying in public! I was so embarrassed and it just made me cry harder. He kept looking over at me with some of his other friends and after the final band played he came over and told me that it was just the heat that made him snap. I apologized for not getting the water but the car ride home was very awkward.
He won’t let it go at home. AITA? I didn’t stop my friend from throwing out the water and I basically made a scene in public. I’ve already apologized but it feels like I may be TA since this all could’ve been prevented if I hadn’t let my friend throw away the water bottles.
EDIT: we’ve been together 1.5 years & are engaged. Forgot to mention that.
EDIT: I feel like I should clarify this isn’t the first time he’s called me names or yelled at me, just the first time in public. But then after he always apologizes and until I say it’s okay he’s super nice. But he wasn’t always like this. I want to talk to him about it but I’m nervous about what he’ll say or do. Last time I brought up something that made me uncomfortable he destroyed a drawing I made him. I’m starting to wonder if this whole relationship is a mistake.
EDIT: the amount of people immediately saying this is abusive is giving me a lot to think about; I think I need to call my sister & ask to stay a few days. Just to get away from the tension here.
*Added as an edit just a few hours after posting*
UPDATE: so I called my sister, and we had a long talk where more info about the relationship was discussed and I have made some big decisions. Tonight while he’s at work she’s helping me get my stuff and get out. We both agreed that we didn’t know what his reaction would be and she doesn’t feel that I’m safe gambling on that. As of tonight, I’m leaving. Thank you everyone with more life experience for your help. This was my first relationship so I don’t think I knew enough. Wish me luck. | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/p22bhv/op_gets_a_wake_up_call_from_reddit_about_her/ | p22bhv | 4,471 | 914 | [
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2021-08-11T16:32:03 | AITA for not giving my son's future husband wedding jewellry? | AITA | *This is a repost. I'm not the original author. This posting was found in /r/AmItheAsshole*
* [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g5aahh/aita_for_not_giving_my_sons_future_husband/)
We are indian and in my culture it is tradition to give the bride a lot of gold sets of jewelry for her wedding. When each of my children were born, I bought a set for my both my daughters and a set for my son's future wife. I also have my own personal collection of wedding jewelry that I have divided for daughters and future daughter in law.
When my son came out as gay, I redistributed my collection to give them mainly to my daughters, but I kept a few sets in case my son ever had a daughter.
Now that my son is getting married, his future husband is wondering about his gifts. While it is tradition for parents to give their future son/daughter in law a gift, since he is a man I got him a kara (which is a sikh bracelet usually made of steel but I got him one made from solid gold, and my son has a matching one). He told my son that he doesn't want a religious gift for his wedding and that he found it tacky. That is fine if he doesn't like it. But I was going through my collection the other day to pull out pieces I want to coordinate for my outfits so that I can order my outfits in advance, and he saw me and wanted to see everything and give input. I also showed him the sets I have saved if they have a daughter. He is insisting that he gets these sets first and then he will give them to their daughter if they have one. In particular, there is a pair of emerald and diamond earrings I got from my own paternal grandmother that I would like to give my son's daughter (if they have one).
I told him no because I set these aside for just a granddaughter and not a son. If he chooses to wear jewelry to his wedding I really don't mind, but I picked all these sets special for a daughter or daughter in law and I don't want to waste them on a boy. These sets are to be worn with sarees and lenghas. I don't want him to have them
My future son in law is calling me homophobic for not sharing but I think it would be a waste to give them to a man to accessorize with a tuxedo, and I did not originally buy these for him in the first place. AITA?
(Also even though he likes jewelry he does not wear womens clothes so I know he would never wear it with a lengha the way this jewelry should be worn)
EDIT: Just to clarify, my son will be having a sikh wedding, and since he is religious my future son in law agreed beforehand that their household would be sikh and any future children would be sikh (son in law was raised catholic but isn't very religious now, but is spiritual. But being sikh means a lot to my son). Our religion (or at least the way we practice it) is very open minded, accepting, and loving so future son in law was on board. I got him a gold kara because that is the same gift I got for my other two son in laws. Also the kara does not have any religious text on it, if you aren't sikh you would assume its just a gold bracelet but anyone who is sikh would know it is
SECOND EDIT (have been reading the comments and need to clear things up): Future SIL is catholic and caucasian, his family is not as well off financially so we will also be helping pay for the wedding (just for the sake of equality because we also contributed x amount for each daughter's wedding, so we will give x amount to son's wedding). If I had a lesbian daughter, her wife would be getting gold sets of jewelry. It also wasn't my idea for their wedding to be sikh/children to be sikh. My son had a very difficult time after he finished his undergrad and he took that time to reconnect with god, pray, meditate, and his connection to sikhism is what anchored him and that is why before getting married he had to know if his spouse would be okay with that. Also when we say children being raised sikh, that means if they are a girl their middle name would be kaur and if they are a boy their middle name would be singh. ALSO, my son is a doctor and my SIL is a HS teacher so I don't think money is an issue.
THIRD EDIT: I've been reading all your comments and I really appreciate the discussion happening. But a lot of comments are hung up on the words "wasted on a boy". I understand why some people are offended, but I wanted to make sure you have the facts as well. https://www.shaadisaga.com/blog/bridal-jewellery-inspiration-from-sikh-brides If you go to this site there are a lot of photos of sikh brides. Most of these wedding jewelry sets come together (headpiece, earrings, nose ring, choker/necklace). The choker/necklaces would not fit him, he does not wear nose rings, he would not be able to wear the headpiece, and he could just wear the earrings. Also the gold bracelets I have from my personal collection would not fit him so to give them to him symbolically would be a waste.
* **Update (Same Post after a new one was deleted)**
UPDATE: Hi Reddit!
Thank you so much for your responses, good or bad.But some of the things you replied to my post did upset me. Many of you applauded me for supporting my son, but mostly because you are so deprived of support from your own families that you were impressed that I was doing anything at all. I didn't like the way this sat with me. I don't want to be doing the bare minimum. Since my son and future son are staying with us right now, I decided to discuss some of the points you all made and work this out.
I showed him photos from my own wedding and we both agreed that the jewelry was made for female outfits and the female body. I also talked to him about the cultural significance of the kara, and what it means to me for him to have it, and he apologized and said he was out of line.
I think there was some tension because as many of you said, the word "homophobic" should not be carelessly thrown around. When my son first came out over 15 years ago, he interpreted my shock as disapproval and it created a barrier in our relationship. We put in a lot of time and effort in therapy as a family to make sure our son felt supported. So when my future son in law called me homophobic it made everything feel very hostile to me. But he explained that he was taking things personally mainly because his own family is outwardly accepting, but there are still little things they do that make him feel unwelcome which causes him to feel hypersensitive about these issues.
So we decided that a gay sikh wedding is NOT traditional, so the jewelry given should also NOT be traditional. We have decided to make a new tradition, and when everything is back to normal, we (me, my husband, son and future son) will be taking a trip to India so he can see my pind (hometown), and my husband's pind. And we will get a special set of gold bracelets that are more ornate than a kara for him and my son, and earrings made special just for him (heirlooms all start out as new to someone right?) | Schattenspringer | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/p2glwk/aita_for_not_giving_my_sons_future_husband/ | p2glwk | 6,976 | 1,579 | [
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2021-08-11T17:00:15 | This has some real Children of the Corn vibes to it, luckily OP gets away - "Small-town Christian customers stopped coming into my store because gossip spread that I was a "non-believer"." Posted in /r/atheism | Atheism | ***Original:*** [***Small-town Christian customers stopped coming into my store because gossip spread that I was a "non-believer"***](https://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/comments/a4khf3/smalltown_christian_customers_stopped_coming_into/) ***Posted in*** /r/atheism
It all started when I was having a conversation with one of my friends (who is Christian) about my beliefs and I confessed to him that I no longer share the same faith, that I don't believe in any Religion. He was accepting and supportive because of his more open perspective of the world. I turn around and see a kid sitting down on the grass near us and thought he might have overheard the conversation. I didn't pay much attention to it and moved on with my day. The next morning, everyone in the town (population is small) was giving me looks. It was really uncomfortable as I walked to my store to open up.
Usually I get a couple of customers in the morning, but got none until one old man in the afternoon. He was also giving me looks and I finally asked what the deal was. He said, "ain't you that man that people say is a non-believer?" I was stunned and replied with, "where did you hear such a thing?" He said, "It's all over town man. They says you hate God or something." I politely let him know that I do not share the same beliefs any longer, but that doesn't mean I hate or am a bad guy. He then got urged by his wife to help with something, but I think she just wanted him to stop associating with me.
It's been two weeks and business has been very slow. It's like the whole town is boycotting me and my shop. I expected people to be close-knitted here but not treat a fellow citizen in such a manner. I'm in a pinch at the moment and may have to think about other options. I didn't think about sharing this here until a woman came in and said something so ugly to me yesterday. She looked me in the eyes and uttered, "Since you think you're better than us, how about you get the hell out of our home and never come back. Go join those evil morons who deny God's existence. You and your shop are dead to us!"
TL;DR: Told my friend I don't believe in Religion anymore. Kid overheard convo. Next day, entire town gossiped and knew. Stopped visiting my business.
***Update #1:*** [***Spoke with Pastor from small town who agreed to vouch for me, a small business owner after town hated on me being Non-Christian***](https://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/comments/a4sod5/spoke_with_pastor_from_small_town_who_agreed_to/)***. Posted in*** /r/atheism
After the incident (ppl found out I was a disbeliever in Christianity, boycotted me and my business) with the old man and and lady in my store and after posting here, I had time to reflect and decided to speak to the Pastor at the main church, encouraged by your advice to smooth things over. He agreed to speak on my behalf at next weeks sermon, but i'll have to be patient with the folks in the meantime and try not to "agitate anyone." They turned on me so quick, I've been cooped up in my home nervous to go out unnecessarily. Some of them get drunk during the weekends and may want to start a fight, that is how hostile it is here. I'm now seen as an outsider since there are no open non-believers. I wouldn't be surprised if they damaged my shop.
***Update #2:*** [***\[Update\] - My shop got vandalized by Christian Small-Towner's teenage delinquents***](https://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/comments/a5sfng/update_my_shop_got_vandalized_by_christian/)***. Posted in*** /r/atheism
This is an update post to the one I made three days ago. If you have not seen it, please click (or copy) the link above and you should have the proper context.... also, it went pretty viral.... like 14.6k Upvotes and 1.6k comments viral. So yea, go ahead and check it out.
I will start off by thanking everyone who provided their highly valued input and support. I couldn't thank you enough for being so awesome! I took your advice and spoke with the Pastor who agreed to speak on my behalf during the next sermon on Sunday. I was feeling slightly relieved as an authority figure would be shedding some light on the unreasonable behavior folks have been directing towards me. I've been here for a while and did not deserve the backlash all because I no longer share their faith. Meanwhile, I was advised by the priest to lay low and perhaps avoid the shop for now. That made sense, but I still had a few crucial tasks to take care of, especially when the future of my business is in jeopardy.
When I arrived to the shop in the morning, I found shattered glass all over the front entrance. After a brief inspection, I spotted a big rock on the shop floor. It didn't appear as though anything was stolen as there are basic carpet cleaning supplies and I never keep money there overnight. To be honest, I wasn't that angry and instead experienced extreme disappointment. I knew that people were avoiding me and my shop, but I didn't expect my property being violently damaged. Fortunately, I had one surveillance camera facing the front and it captured what looks to be two teenage boys with hoodies chucking a rock towards the windshield and taking off by bicycle. Their faces were not clear because it was too dark for any fine detail to be seen.
I called the police shortly after assessing the damage and they are currently "conducting an investigation." It's not a secret that i'm hated around here and the officers did not act as enthusiastic seeking justice for a crime against me, my livelihood. There are a dozen kids or so that I see riding bikes around town and wouldn't be able to identify which ones were responsible. I asked if anyone has seen anything and most ignore while some say "I didn't see a thing" or "I don't know man." I boarded the shop up and am now at home waiting for Sunday's sermon so that people can hear me out and my story. It is almost 2019 and there are still places in the United States that have very close-minded communities, including this one. I understand that it may be slightly awkward for hardcore Christians to suddenly hear about a fellow neighbor being Agnostic, but it is insane to treat them like they are an enemy. It is unfair to tell others to stop patronizing their business, even if they have been there many times. They WILL receive professional service as always, but just because i'm not "one of them" any longer, they stop coming.
I have to move. There is no question about it anymore. This town made it crystal clear that I am an outsider, that I might as well rot in hell for eternity. They see my awakening as a deep-seeded betrayal against them and their beliefs. We will see how they respond after the Pastor speaks and hopefully defends and respects my decisions. This is who I am and I will never compromise my sanity for a bunch of individuals who are so quick to hate on another human being who did absolutely nothing wrong.
TL;DR: I spoke with pastor and he will speak on my behalf this Sunday (12/16/2018). I found my shop damaged intentionally. Sheriffs Department is investigating, but I won't hold my breath. Made up my mind, I will move once I have affairs in order. Waiting until the Sermon.
***Update #3:*** [***\[Update\] - It's Sunday and the Pastor will speak on my behalf during the Sermon later***](https://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/comments/a6p21y/update_its_sunday_and_the_pastor_will_speak_on_my/)***. Posted in*** /r/atheism
I wanted to let everyone know that today is the day! The Pastor will hopefully put some sense into the townspeople about their unreasonable behaviour. I should be left in peace at the very least as I get prepared to move out. If you are wondering, the Sheriff's Department still hasn't found the culprits of the crime where my shop was vandalized. I don't really care as long as it stops. I'll inform you all of how the day goes... if I don't get lynched or something lol joking joking. Thank you for all the support over the past week, it has been hectic!
***Update #4:*** [***\[Update\] - Pastor came through yesterday on Sunday and some Townspeople actually apologized to me!***](https://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/comments/a700j1/update_pastor_came_through_yesterday_on_sunday/) ***Posted in*** /r/atheism
I came in early to the Sunday Service to meet with the Pastor and discuss what will be taking place and what should be done. He told me to sit in the front row where he would later call me forward after "warming" up the Congregation. He also advised I say nothing since that could be counterproductive and he should do all the talking. As I sat there waiting, contemplating the many scenarios, people started to walk in. They immediately recognized me and it got really uncomfortable when those that usually sit at the front were caught off guard by me taking up their space. They sat down as "good" Christians would without making a scene and left about two spaces in between me and them. Once it seemed the Church was full, the Pastor began the introduction as usual.
After the intro, he briefly touched on kindness and fairness to your fellow man, especially neighbor. That is when he called me up and said something along the lines of, "This man, this shopkeeper, has done us no harm. He lived here for a couple of years and many of you frequented his business. Everything was fine as you believed he was just like you, a good Christian. But why is it that, upon discovering his struggle with faith, you avoid and act as though he doesn't exist? Why is it that his business was intentionally damaged? Why is it you not embrace him further and guide him back to God's light? We don't condemn our neighbor! We act as an example to both Christians and Non-Christians....... Please overlook this man's shortcomings and treat him as he deserves. Do not protest against his shop, but rather purchase from it if you have a need to, as you have done in the past. This isn't how we behave as a people."
During his talk, I observed the Congregation's facial expressions and most were receptive and even seemed guilty to an extent. But there were a handful that had their chin up with pride, piercing through my eyes with a cold stare. I knew then, that these were the ones that would never change. They made up their minds on how to view the world a long time ago. It was deeply unsettling but I focused on the majority. After the Service, there were several people who came up and actually apologized on behalf of everyone else! I was taken aback and could barely get out a "thank you." It seemed that was the perfect moment those who were just going along with it had a chance to speak up, while the more hardcore ones hadn't changed one bit and walked out abruptly.
My shop is still boarded up and i don't plan on staying put any longer. I will settle some affairs, and sell the carpet cleaning equipment (not everyone hates good business) and move soon, probably to New York like some of you have suggested. I need some fresh air and new scenery, new atmosphere. There's nothing left for me here. Thank you for following my story, this may or may not be the final update.
TL;DR: Preacher spoke on my behalf and was convincing enough to where some folks apologized to me. Some were still cagey and seemed unfazed by the Sermon. I will prepare to move and go forward in life.
***Update #5:*** [***\[Update\] - I'm moving to New York! Far away from this spiteful Christian town***](https://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/comments/a8fosl/update_im_moving_to_new_york_far_away_from_this/)***. Posted in*** /r/atheism
After a lot of hard work and patience, I am finally leaving this terrible place and will fly out soon. I took some losses, but managed to sell some equipment, leaving me with just enough to cover expenses for a short while. I decided to relocate to New York (don't know exactly where) and I am excited, yet anxious of the unknown. I will have to look for a job ASAP and it will be difficult as I have been my own boss for the past several years. This ordeal has been tremendously unfortunate and I have learned valuable lessons. It won't be comfortable in any manner, but I will push forward and find a way to make it work. Thank you all for following my journey and sticking by my side!
***Final Update:*** [***\[Update\] - I moved to New York. I did it! Far away from those close-minded small-towners!***](https://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/comments/agg7te/update_i_moved_to_new_york_i_did_it_far_away_from/) ***Posted in*** /r/atheism
I found a small apartment, it ain't much, but will do. Next step is to look for a job. Thanks for sticking by me you kind strangers! | almostselfrealised | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/p2h6pp/this_has_some_real_children_of_the_corn_vibes_to/ | p2h6pp | 12,612 | 420 | [
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2021-08-12T00:21:51 | OP overhears 18 year old sister flirting with 32 year old husband, turns out they were sleeping together | Relationship_Advice | I messed up the title and can't edit it. Should be **OP overhears 18 year old sister flirting with 32 year old husband** ***of their other sister,*** **turns out they were sleeping together**
A reminder that this subreddit is for reposting posts from other subreddits. I am not the original author. Just reposting because we all like the stories with drama.
[Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/p0egwp/help_please_i_have_two_sisters_18_and_24_and_i/) not authored by me
**Help please!! I have two sisters (18 and 24) and I overheard my one sister talking and flirting to my other sisters husband (32M) and insinuating that they hooked up or were going to hook up, what do I do??**
Ok hi everyone first of all I'm sorry if this is something that seems obvious I don't always know the right thing to do or react to things I usually say or do the wrong thing that always makes things worse so I'm really sorry I would text my friends about this but our lake house doesn't have any cell service or wifi just a computer connected to the internet so here i am.
okay im 14F I'm on vacation with my family i have two sisters Abby is 18f Claire is 24f, she's married to John who is 32m. last night claire wasn't feeling well so she went to bed early. my parents went to bed not long after that so it was just me abby and john. they were sitting on the sofa together i was on a recliner they were both drinking. eventually i started to kind of fall asleep but I wasn't totally out and they start kind of whispering to each other. john is telling her how pretty and beautiful she is and then they start talking about something he had bought her and then he started saying stuff like he wanted to be inside of her and stuff, i guess they thought i was sleeping and couldn't hear them, they didn't stay in the living room much longer
anyway i know i should tell abby but i don't know what to say I'm also worried were supposed to be here for another four days its going to be so weird i also still have to live with claire and she's already mean to me and does messed up stuff so I'm really worried what she's going to do if i tell bc obviously she's going to know it was me and i overheard. plus I'm worried shell just call me a liar and then everyone will get mad at me
what do i do what do i say I'm so sorry i know i should probably already know what to say and i guess this is a dumb post I'm just so worried about saying the wrong thing, i don't want my family to hate me I don’t know if I explained everything right so I’ll answer any questions if I didn’t thanks a lot for your time everyone
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/p2nfiw/update_my_sister_18f_was_sleeping_with_my_oldest/)
# UPDATE My sister (18F) was sleeping with my oldest sister (24F)’s husband (32M)
Hi everyone so I (14F) had a post here [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/p0egwp/help_please_i_have_two_sisters_18_and_24_and_i/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) where I basically asked for advice about a situation I overheard between my sister Abby (18F)and my oldest sister Claire’s(24F)husband (32M). Basically they thought I was sleeping and started flirting and talking about sleeping together.
I told my oldest sister and my parents and they freaked out and it made a whole huge fight which I feel bad about because I ruined everyone’s vacation but I think my oldest sister needed to know because it ended up that John was sleeping with Abby for probably a while and my parents were SO PISSED (I thought they’d be pissed at me too but they weren’t) so they kicked Abby out, like legit my mom (she’s crazy) threw all of her clothes out of the house and told her to get the eff out and not bother coming back home, Claire lost her mind on John and he called her all kinds of bad names and him and my dad almost got into a fist fight but he left too and I don’t know where him or Claire are staying but my sister is a mess and I think she’s definitely going to break up with John.
I’m sad that what I said blew everything up but I guess I’m glad my sister knows now bc that wasn’t fair to her what was going on and I can’t believe they we’re just talking about it in front of me I really wish I just hadn’t heard anything.
So that’s the update and it sucks and I feel really bad. Thanks to everyone who commented though.
Edit: John is a cop so I don’t think anyone will be calling the police! | mermaidpaint | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/p2psqi/op_overhears_18_year_old_sister_flirting_with_32/ | p2psqi | 4,488 | 700 | [
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2021-08-12T01:46:02 | [FL] My parents have joined some new age "religion" and intend to move me to a compound against my will. What can I do to get the hell out of here? | LegalAdvice | *This is a repost. I'm not the original author. This posting was found in* r/legaladvice
[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/ccd4vh/fl_my_parents_have_joined_some_new_age_religion/) by u/AboutToBeTaken21 \- 12th July, 2019
So I really don't know how to start this so i'll get right too it.
My mom and step dad are really into "new age" science and beliefs. I've never agreed with them on this and didn't know how extreme it was. Recently though they have become involved in a extremely weird "support group". I say that in quotes because I have no fucking clue who they are. When I'm around they never mention any group names or what "organization" they work for or are apart of. Because of this I have not had much luck finding out stuff as "new age cult" gives to many results to look into.
This Monday my mom and stepdad sat me and my 4 siblings down. They told us that we will be moving at the end of the month to a more "stable" location within a spiritual community. According to them they plan to pull all 5 of us (im 16, couldn't think of anywhere else to mention this.) out of school here and enroll us in their "mind awakening" school where ever we move. I tried to get anything out of them but they refused to talk to me at all about it. According to them because i'm still a child in "mind, body, and spirit" i need to listen to them not ask questions. I've actually been freaking out since then and have been trying to get advice but I've been unable too. They cut of the internet, phone and TV Tuesday and they have been keeping a fucking lazer focus on me and my siblings since then. I'm currently at a friends house and this is the only way I've actually got access to the internet. this seems like a cult 100% to me. Last night they had 3 people come and talk to me and my siblings and the stuff they told us was fucking crazy. I was talked to alone by an old man who told me about how my mind is "closed" and that I will slowly learn to open it as my parents have and that the "leaders" will love to meet me and put me in their programs.
I need to know what the fuck I can do here. My dad has shared custody of me and since Monday i've had no contact with him. He is supposed to have a call with me every night but my mom claims he's been "informed" and supports this 100%. I tried calling him this morning but he didn't answer. He lives in another state so it's kinda hard to get into contact with him outside of phone and email. I'm at a friends house because I was able to leave the house for the first time in a week this morning after I told my parents I wanted to go to the park but came here and told my friend everything. Her parents are not home but she's trying to call them and I plan to stay here tonight if I can. My parents have forbid me from using the internet because it's "full of lies from them".
I'm so lost right now it makes me sick. I do not want to go with them to this obvious compound and I need to know what the fuck I can do here. Can I just run away and if my parents harbor me can they get in trouble. If my mom has been lying about my dad can he do anything? thanks.
Edit:
I talked to my mom and told her because I would be moving soon and this might be one of the last times I could see my friend I would like to stay the night and she said it was ok and that this family was "trustworthy not to try and corrupt my view". I got into contact with my dad and he's pissed. He did not agree and was told I didn't want to talk to him. My 15 year old sister's dad was told the same despite the fact he has primary custody and she only spends the summers with us. My sisters dad is going to call cps too and I just got done with my call to them but I wont repeat what they said here. I will be spending the night here and when my mom asks me to come back tomorrow my dad has told me not to go back and tell her that he will be flying down here to Florida immediately if I don't check in with him or he hears I went back to her. He says that he is already looking into emergency custody (I want to thank my friends parents real quick because holy fuck have they been great. They both have been great and are working with my dad right now to help me). I also will be going and buying a burner phone tomorrow and withdrawing all my money from the bank. My dad says he will handle getting my stuff from my mom when the time comes. Thanks guys for the advice.
&#x200B;
[**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/csii9j/update_my_parents_joined_a_new_age_cult_and_tried/) **- 19th August 2019**
Since [my last post](https://rareddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/ccd4vh/fl_my_parents_have_joined_some_new_age_religion/) got popular and people still seem interested in my situation I thought I would give you guys a update on everything. It's been over a month and i'm sorry i kept you guys waiting. things were pretty crazy and my therapist said it probably wasn't the best idea to rant about it online till I felt ready. Well, now that i'm settled down a bit I feel like it might be good to get this off my chest anyway. Sorry if this disappoints you guys though as my dad says I should not include any personal details for fear of leaking my identity (so even though I know the group now I won't be naming them for fear of it getting back to me).
So after I stayed the night with my friends family my mom and step dad tried to get me to come back home immediately. My dad said not to go so I somehow convinced my mom to let me stay the rest of this day and I would come home that night. This plan didn't work out very well though as my sisters dad called the police to report that he couldn't contact my sister and was afraid she was kidnapped. It didn't take long before my mom caught on that I was the one who leaked to him their plans and they freaked out. My mom then came to my friends house and tried to force her way in to take me because I had been "corrupted" and needed to be locked away from bad influences till we left for the compound. My friends parents called the police and I called my dad and he got to talk to my mom. I'll leave it short and say this was a nightmare situation that almost ended with my mom being charged with trespassing.
My mom and dad argued on the phone for over 3 hours outside of my friends house. In the end my dad made it so I would not have to go with them but the only "safe" place my mom would agree to me staying is with my uncle 4 hours away. I stayed with him for over a week and it was the worst week of my life. My mom called me constantly to try to talk to me and "save me from the evil energies my father had possessed me with.: My step father also began to send me various threats and told me that at the end of the month I was coming no matter what.
After a week of this, everything changed. My mom stopped calling me, my stepdad stopped texting and they went quiet for 4 days. Me, my uncle, my dad, all of them couldn't reach them. My sisters dad also stopped being able to reach them. During this time my mom bought my sister a plane ticket home and my sisters dad only learned of this when he got a call after my parents dropped my sister off at the airport. After this my mom called me one last time.
She proceeded to tell me that she had been meditating, praying to my guardian spirits daily, and talking to the "leaders". All to to help me "open my third eye to see the truth and understand I was being used by evil."During these sessions apparently she finally "realized the truth" and saw me for the "evil spawn I was." According to her I am a "evil seed" and that I not only was brought here to bring evil spirits onto her and her "good children". I also infected the womb and corrupted my sister. She told me to send my uncle down and pick up all of my "worldly possessions" that were infected and to not come with him or ever contact her or her family again. She ended by telling me that I was never her child and that she hopes "the universe deals with me". The last contact I know about was her telling my dad she wants to revoke her parental rights.
At the end of last month they moved to the compound with my 3 step siblings. I moved out to live with my dad and have been in therapy since then. Things are still pretty raw right now and I really don't feel like getting into the emotions I feel towards this. But I feel like at least updating this may be a start. Thank you everyone who gave advice and sent me kind messages on here offering help. I really do appreciate it :) | terrip_t1 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/p2r6b1/fl_my_parents_have_joined_some_new_age_religion/ | p2r6b1 | 8,543 | 1,195 | [
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2021-08-12T14:11:29 | Rented a dumpster for construction waste and a neighbor is using it to dispose of old furniture. This could impact my construction time line and cost a significant amount of money if I don't get it handled quickly. | LegalAdvice | *This was originally posted in r/legaladvice. I'm not the original author and don't need advice.*
* [**Original Posting**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/nuhjrx/rented_a_dumpster_for_construction_waste_and_a/)
Upstate NY
The post title is the best TL;DR I could come up with. I know this is a long post, but please read the whole thing if you have time. The details are far more complicated than I can get across in one paragraph and this situation is very quickly approaching disaster status.
I rented a dumpster to accommodate the waste that will be generated by some landscaping and construction projects I am about to get started. It arrived on Friday. On Saturday night, the guy across the street from me dragged a bunch of large furniture/assorted smaller items out of his garage and tossed them into my dumpster. There's enough shit to have filled roughly three quarters of the dumpster. My security cameras captured the entire thing; I have saved the footage and backed it up.
The neighbor denied the everything when I told him that he's gotta get his shit out of of my dumpster. He became belligerent and threatening when I mentioned the footage, then slammed the door in my face. His "perspective" is that it's not on his property so it isn't his problem.
I called the police right after this exchange. The responding officer, while sympathetic to my situation, told me that it's not a law enforcement issue and I'll have to sort it out with my neighbor or take him to civil court.
Pickups need to be scheduled in advance to have the dumpster emptied, the first of which will be next Monday. The dumpster company is booked solid for pickups through the middle of next week, so rescheduling is not an option. I have to pay for each pickup as well, so I'd be incurring extra costs even if they could come earlier.
I have contractors starting a project on Wednesday morning, and they will fill the dumpster within a couple of hours of getting started if the neighbor's shit is still in there. The dumpster should have been more than large enough to handle the trash that they'd generate between Wednesday and Friday. I legitimately don't have anywhere to stash this guy's crap without interfering with their work, nor do I have an alternative solution for the waste that they'll create. I am also obligated to provide a dumpster and deal with the waste removal per the terms of our contract.
If I don't get this figured out by then, I'll have to reschedule with these guys. I know that they're already booked through the summer; I scheduled my job well in advance for just this reason. If I have to reschedule these guys, it will lead to a domino effect - most of the other contractors I have booked will not be able to start their projects till this one is completed. I haven't looked over all of the stuff I've signed and done the math yet, but the money I'd have to eat for canceling/rescheduling these jobs is pretty fucking significant.
This is in an unincorporated part of the county with no municipal bulk waste pickup. You have to take it to the dump yourself or hire someone to do so, which explains my neighbor's motivation for "borrowing" my dumpster. I'd be happy to get this guy's shit hauled off and just take him to small claims court to recoup whatever I pay to do so, but I've looked into countless options to make this happen and none of them will be able to get it done within the necessary time frame.
My expenses will be significant enough to take this well outside of small claims territory if it doesn't get sorted ASAP. I'd really, really like to avoid having to take this to regular court because of the time and money involved, but I haven't been able to come up with a solution that will mitigate my expenses enough to do so. The only thing I can think of at this point is tossing this guy's trash in his driveway and hoping that it doesn't wind up starting World War 3. That said, I am not particularly concerned about doing irreparable harm to our relationship. As far as I'm concerned, that ship has sailed.
I'm really just looking for any suggestions that will lead to this getting squared away before Wednesday morning, so any general advice along those lines would be extremely appreciated. I know I'm supposed to have a specific legal question here, so what kind of consequences might I be looking at if I decide to just toss this asshole's stuff on his driveway/lawn tomorrow?
Thanks
* [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/nvw7go/update_on_my_neighbor_throwing_his_shit_in_my/)
Hey robot, I'm still in New York.
The officer who responded to my initial call wound up calling me yesterday morning to ask for an update on the situation. I told him about the contractors coming by later that afternoon and my plan to sue my neighbor to cover the cost. He said he wanted to take another shot at getting this guy to do the right thing, and came by about an hour later.
The neighbor's wife actually wound up answering the door this time, and it seems like her husband had told her a very different story about the situation. Long story short, she came over to apologize and told me that her husband and son would start clearing their shit out within the hour, and she was true to her word. I called the contractor once the dumpster was nearly empty to let him know everything had been sorted out so he wouldn't have to spare a few guys to deal with it, and he was happy to hear that as well.
The neighbor's wife actually came by again with a huge plate of homemade cookies as a peace offering a couple of hours later, which was very much appreciated. My parents actually opened up a bakery after my father retired, and my father was already planning on coming up here for the weekend, so he's going to bring a big box of treats for me to give them in return as a "no hard feelings" offering. I'm still not thrilled with this guy's behavior, but his wife is an absolute sweetheart and it looks like the son had sort of been pressed into service by his father. I'd rather maintain a decent relationship with my neighbors if possible either way.
As of now I've got a crew of guys working in my garage and they are absolutely bumping some bachata, which makes me feel like I'm back home in the Bronx but with a much bigger backyard. All in all it seems like things have been completely (and amicably) resolved. Thank you to everyone who commented on my original post with suggestions!
*I'm still not the original poster. Please stop messaging me about the struggles depicted here. I don't need advice about this situation.* | Schattenspringer | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/p30mzy/rented_a_dumpster_for_construction_waste_and_a/ | p30mzy | 6,611 | 912 | [
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2021-08-12T20:09:26 | OP gave her baby for adoption when she was a teenager and is now worried about telling her fiancé. Short and sweet. | Relationship_Advice | *This is a repost - I am not OP. Original posted in* r/relationship_advice
[Should I tell my fiancé I placed a child for adoption when I was a teenager?](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/kp7c1p/should_i_tell_my_fianc%C3%A9_i_placed_a_child_for/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
I (25f) had a baby when I was 16. It was the result of assault, and I didn’t realize I was pregnant until it was too late (I didn’t really “show” till month 8). I placed the baby with a family through an adoption agency. I met and picked the family, and it is semi-open, meaning I receive electronic birthday letters updating me every few years, and he will have the ability to contact me directly if he ever chooses so. I really don’t remember this time in my life (I think I pretty much blacked it out, and disassociated myself from this event ) and it doesn’t effect me, I don’t think about it often. I’m glad I made the decision, as I was able to go to college & start a great career, meanwhile providing him with 2 amazing, loving, and successful parents.
With this being said, I’m pretty uncomfortable talking about it and the only people that know include my mom & dad and one set of grandparents. My parents are pushing me to tell my fiancé. I’m pretty opposed to this - not because he wouldn’t support me, but it really has no effect on me, I don’t remember details, and the subject just makes me extremely uncomfortable. He does know I was assaulted but no details surrounding.
Do I need to tell him this? And if so how should I?
\--------------
[Comment by OP:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/kp7c1p/should_i_tell_my_fiancé_i_placed_a_child_for/gi0kxcv?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
Thank you so much. I’m so incredibly grateful for your words. My brain has somehow shifted this to be my own fault (why didn’t I realize I was pregnant earlier, why didn’t I tell my fiancé, why did I go out to begin with etc etc), but you shifted this back into reality for me. I’m sad for my fiancé having to know this, and think I avoided this because i didn’t want him to be sad/angry. But those are normal human emotions and integral to the human experience. Thank you again for shifting my mindset. You have helped more than you know. I’ll be rereading this comment whenever I question myself ❤️
\--------------
[Update, 7 months later:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/p36w5r/update_should_i_tell_my_fianc%C3%A9_i_placed_a_child/)
Shortly after posting this & receiving some great advice - I told my fiancé. I wrote him a letter explaining everything & apologizing (/explaining why) I didn’t tell him sooner. His reaction to this solidified everything I knew about him. He was laying on the couch reading the letter & I just kind of stood there. He made it through the first paragraph and pulled me over to cuddle with him. He felt so bad that this happened to me & that I had to go through this situation/decision at such a young age. None of my fears came true.
Since this conversation, we’ve had a couple good talks about it, and I shared some of the letters I’ve received from the family over the years. Telling him this has helped change the narrative in my own head. I no longer blame myself.
Anyway - that’s all! Figured I’d share a happy update :) | Im_your_life | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/p37rbn/op_gave_her_baby_for_adoption_when_she_was_a/ | p37rbn | 3,408 | 1,509 | [
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2021-08-13T00:20:32 | Should I hire a bully back? (Ask A Manager) | EXTERNAL: AskAManager | Originally posted at [Ask A Manager](https://www.askamanager.org/2020/09/should-i-re-hire-a-bully-a-baking-fund-jar-and-more.html). I am not the person who asked the question.
*I’m a hotel manager and I’ve been in my current role for roughly a year and a half. When COVID-19 hit, I was forced to lay off my entire team. I was truly heartbroken to see about 80% of my team go. But the other 20% … not so much. Of the 20%, there were two employees I swore I’d never hire back. They both did fairly decent work, but were bullies who fed off of one another’s bad behavior. They were constantly in my office explaining why they’d said something nasty to one of their coworkers or why they’d ransacked another’s belongings. They were also blatantly disrespectful to me. One was far worse than the other, though (she was on her last write-up prior to COVID-19).*
*Both employees have contacted me and asked for their jobs back. I’ve told the particularly awful one that she has to reapply and be considered along with other applicants (though I have no intention of hiring her back). She hasn’t bothered to reapply because she feels she’s entitled to her job back and has decided to text/call me incessantly. Obviously, my answer is still no. I’m on the fence about hiring the other employee back, though. She hasn’t badgered me to make a hiring decision and has handled the idea of reapplying with far more grace than her colleague. And when she worked for me, she was a lot nicer to others when her unpleasant colleague wasn’t around. My fear is that, if she were to reapply and be hired back, she’d become the new bully. Is this fear justified? Should I take a chance on her … again?*
*I work in a very tough hiring market and new talent has been tough to come by. I’ve also not been able to call several of my former employees back because they are high-risk and simply cannot afford to catch COVID-19. I also have a lot of pressure on me from the corporate office to fill vacancies quickly. I’ve asked my boss all of these questions, but she is leaving the decision up to me because she is equally torn on what to do. What do you recommend?*
I would not hire back someone who you were relieved to be rid of, and definitely not someone who bullied people or was unkind, even if another person was bringing out the worst in her.
If you really can’t find other good candidates and are considering it anyway … well, you still shouldn’t. But if you are, you’d need to be prepared to deal with any recurrences of problems swiftly and decisively this time — as in, addressing it immediately, giving one clear warning (if that), and then replacing her if it happens a second time. You might even talk with her about the new bar she’ll be held for before inviting her back, so she’s clear going in on what needs to change. But if you don’t have the power to fire her swiftly if you need to, I absolutely wouldn’t take the risk.
(You’ve also got to think about what other employees will think if they hear you’re hiring her back. See letter #3 below for a look at this from their side.)
[Update](https://www.askamanager.org/2020/12/updates-rehiring-a-bully-finding-the-f-word-on-a-form-and-more.html)
*At my manager’s request, I interviewed my former problem employee after she submitted an application (my manager wanted to see if she’d learned anything while out of work).*
*In the interview, I asked her to tell me about a time she’d faced a conflict while working with her former team. I then asked her to tell me what steps she took to resolve the issue. Pretty straightforward line of questioning, right? She gave a very weak example and blamed a former colleague (and close friend of hers) who’d gotten fired well before the COVID-19 layoffs. She was clearly trying to shift the blame to a “worse” employee. I then asked her if she had any unresolved issues with the company and/or her former coworkers. She played the question off as though her former friends/colleagues were the ones who had issues…which was 100% false. I then brought out her file and asked her to speak to the various verbal and written warnings it contained (all I wanted was for her to own up to her past mistakes and tell me how she planned to do better). But she wouldn’t even do that! She tried to play it off as though she never actually received those warnings…even though she’d signed them!*
*At this point, I knew 100% that I wasn’t going to hire her back. However, I still asked her for a reference from the part-time job she claimed to have (and claimed to have had when she was on my payroll). The reason I asked? I’d heard through the grapevine that she didn’t actually have said job, that it was just a ruse to get weekends off. Sure enough, she couldn’t provide a reference for said job. She then had the audacity to ask—on the very same day she’d been interviewed and was unable to provide a reference—when she’d be coming back to work for me.*
*Looking back, my boss and I are so glad we stuck to our guns and didn’t rehire her. It would’ve been a huge mistake. Plus, we ended up hiring a total rockstar to fill her spot! Two months later, I’m happy to report that I’m fully staffed, my team’s getting along fantastically, and we’re reporting significantly better service scores than we were this time last year.*
*Alison, thank you so much for your advice!* | mermaidpaint | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/p3cflc/should_i_hire_a_bully_back_ask_a_manager/ | p3cflc | 5,353 | 773 | [
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2021-08-13T02:35:48 | AITA for trying to help my daughter lose weight? + UPDATE | AITA | [ORIGINAL](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ohkg9j/aita_for_trying_to_help_my_daughter_lose_weight/) by u/Ok-Tackle6218
I'm a 34 year old (m) and I have a 12 year old daughter we call Susan. She's a wonderful child. When I met her mom, I did my very best to know Susan cause her dad isn't in the picture and has no desire to be. I officially adopted her the day of our wedding and surprised her with so she knew I was now her dad and she was my daughter.
Susan is normally an active kid but since covid and now summer break, I have noticed she will stay on the couch all day watching tv, play video games or just do much of nothing. Cause of this she is gaining very noticeable weight. I spoke to my wife about it but she says Susan is fine and its summer so its ok if she wants to watch tv and eat junk food. I get that but I don't want Susan to develop an unhealthy habit. So I created the father daughter walk to get her moving a bit. We talk about the day, whats going on, things we would like to do and so on for 30 minutes.
Slowly I turned the walk into a jog then a run. Susan struggled some at first but now she can keep up with me. I love it since she is getting a bit of workout everyday and I get to spend time with her. Well my wife isn't happy. She confronted me saying I was fat shaming our daughter and forcing her to exercise when she's a kid! Kids are suppose to watch tv and eat junk food!
She's telling Susan she doesn't have to come for a run with me, buys large amounts of Susan's favorite snacks and is encouraging her to binge watch tv and "just be a kid." She says I'm trying to push lifestyle habits onto my daughter and I'm embarrassed of her! Its led to a couple arguments and now she's saying she might send Susan to go stay with her grandparents for the rest of the summer. I'm just trying to help her become more active. AITA?
Edit: I just wanted to clear up something. I never posted on Reddit before so I thought I had all the context I needed for this. My apologies. For those who are saying she's not my daughter, I adopted Susan. I kept it a secret till her mom and I exchanged vows then we called her up so we could tell her. Susan is my daughter and will be till the day I die.
I don't force her to come with me. One day I said "hey want to go for a walk with me?" Things moved from there and now Susan can run circles around. She'll even call me an old man if I don't keep up. My wife was welcomed to come. At first she was then said she liked having us out the house so she could relax and have a break. Thats fine. If Susan says "Dad, I don't feel like going today." I don't force it. I just go by myself. I have never mentioned her weight or food to her cause she's 12. Things are hard enough. Before Covid, she would be outside all day on her bike, playing with friends, skating, and more till we finally call her inside. I just wanted her to be active again since I noticed how much more she would just stay in front of the tv, computer, and do nothing. Never do I say or mention her weight and I do love getting to spend time with her. We talk about her day, friends, plans for the future, what she would do with a million dollars and etc.
I honestly don't know where my wife is getting the idea I am forcing Susan or shaming her. Yes its normal for kids to want sweets and watch tv but its also normal for them to play and exercise. I just don't want Susan to sit in one spot all summer. With the new strain of Covid, we don't even know if she'll be going back to school. My wife is a bit heavy and again she's welcomed to come with us but always declines.
I hope this has cleared somethings up in the comments.
Edit: I didn't expect this to blow up. I just expected maybe like a few people posting and calling it a day. I'm going to talk to my wife once she calms down and try to approach things gently. I would love for us to all spend some time together as a family. I didn't marry her for her looks, I married her cause I love her and I love Susan. I'm going to suggest walks in the park, around the neighborhood or if she doesn't feel up to that, maybe turning on a video and working out in the living room together. I don't want Susan growing up a body imagine. Possible my wife did and just hasn't told me about it. Even among spouses, there are things you don't feel comfortable talking about.
I hope everyone on this post has a great day. And say to yourself "Would you like to go for a walk today?" Go for a walk, enjoy sun, nature, and your community. Take a friend, the dog, a cat, a family member or just bring your headphones. You are never too old or too young to start a good healthy habit. Even if you just walk for 15 minutes, please know that I am proud of you and we can always do more tomorrow. You're doing a great job.
Good people of Reddit, I must go for now. I hope all of you know that I am proud of you. Sometimes in life that is all you need to hear. I learned that people don't always say whats on their mind or what they are going through. We don't always know every detail of their backstory. That is ok. Just continue to encourage them, be proud of them and tell they you are doing a great job! Be someone's dad or be your own dad! Just so long as you do your best. I am proud of you all both young and old. I will always be proud and I know you will accomplish much.
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p3angl/update_aita_for_trying_to_help_my_daughter_lose/)
First of all I wanted to thank everyone for their support. I hope you all took that walk. Anyway we did end up sending Susan to her grandparents but only for two weeks. During that time my wife and I got to really talk and air out our feelings. My wife told me that as a child, she was a very large. Nearly morbidity obese by the time she was 14 and her parents gave her a terrible time about this. Forced her to diet, would lock her out the house to force her to exercise, tell her PE teacher to make her run extra laps and locked up food so she couldn't eat. It is something she doesn't like to talk about. I had no idea this had happened to her. She was in tears and explained that she thought I might do the same things to Susan. I know my wife is big but again I didn't marry her for her looks.
I married her cause I love her. She's a wonderful wife and mother. Like all of us, she just let her insecurities get the better of her. This is why she freaked out when I started getting Susan to go running with me. Anyway after our talk, we agreed that we can do all of this as a family. I bought some bikes for us, downloaded family exercise videos, family meal time, healthy shopping together and now she is joining us on our runs. Don't worry, Susan and I slow it down to a jog so she can keep up.
I just wish she had opened up sooner about this. At least it is out in the open now. A lot of people in the comments said I sounded like the perfect dad for what I did with Susan. I'm not perfect. I just know what its like to not have a father. My dad decided when I was 2 that he didn't want to be a dad anymore. He packed up and left in the middle of the night leaving just me and mom. Never heard from him again. He didn't call, write, or even send child support. I have no idea where he is now and I don't care to know. My mom worked two jobs to support us, we moved six times and it was tough.
I had plenty of men in my life as role models but at the end of the day, I didn't have a dad. I told myself that if I got to be a dad, I would be the dad I would want. Be the dad I wished my dad had been to me. I see a lot of myself in Susan. That is why I want her to know that no matter what I love her. That is why I adopted her, that is why I don't call her my step daughter cause she's my daughter. She is my little girl and I want her to know that she is always loved and can come to be about anything. Kids have it hard enough these days. I want her to know that when things get hard, we can go for a walk and just talk about it.
I have enjoyed my time on Reddit. You are all good people and I hope you'll take time out for a walk sometimes. Feel free to message me if you want to talk.
Goodbye and take care. | red_earaches | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/p3el9l/aita_for_trying_to_help_my_daughter_lose_weight/ | p3el9l | 8,211 | 833 | [
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2021-08-13T19:05:55 | I'm [27 M] out of town right now. My best friend saw my girlfriend of 7 years [26 F] out with another man. I found an email. | Relationships | *This was originally posted in r/relationships. I'm not the original author and don't need advice.*
* [**Original**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/2rbnd1/im_27_m_out_of_town_right_now_my_best_friend_saw/?limit=500)
A bit of background:
Well here goes guys. I am currently out of town visiting family for a week. My grandma (who lives with my parents) is very ill, and I wanted to say goodbye. My girlfriend, who I have been with for 7 years, recently had surgery and didn't feel comfortable traveling the 5 hour car ride with me. Very understandable, because she is still in quite a bit of pain. I've been here about 3 days now, and will be spending another two here at my parents.
My girlfriend and I have always had a strong relationship. We get along very well. We manage to communicate about almost everything. We rarely fight. In fact, when we do, it's is usually about housework...which admittedly is usually my fault, as I leave too much of it on her. This will me relevant in a bit: We had a fight about the housework right before I left to visit my grandmother. Since she had surgery she hasn't been about to keep up with the cleaning and laundry much and the house has gotten a bit out of hand. She is kinda a neat freak, where I am okay with clutter, and even by my standards, the house was getting pretty messy. I promised I would clean up, and I did, but she kept insisting more needed to be done. I thought it was clean, but it wasn't up to her standards. Now that I've left I can see I was a bit in the wrong, and I feel bad...and I've told her so via text. She seems to forgive me. She didn't mean to snap at me over it, she's in pain and is exhausted and just wants more help around the house. I only see clutter when I clean...but I don't think about things like vacuuming and dusting.
I thought we had cleared the air and were okay...but she has been very distant over the days I have been here. Ver little communication.
And now:
I got a text from my best friend telling me he saw her walking about a hardware store with some guy. He described him as tall, with dark black, long hair, and a full bread. This does not fit the description of any of her friends. She was leaning against his arm while they walked around the store. He saw them leave together and walk to the chain restaurant across the street.
My girlfriend has never given me the impression she would cheat, ever. We've always told each other when we had cruses on people and been open when other people expressed feelings to us.....and with her leaning on the guy....I'm worried, but at the same time, my girlfriend tends to lean on ALL of her friends she feels comfortable with when there is a lot of walking involved. She had a heart condition (now more exacerbated by her recent surgery) and she does faint on occasion. She always hold my arm when we walk around stores and I've seen her do the same with her girlfriends. So it may be that she was having a dizzy spell and leaned on to this guy for support.....whoever he is...
I've expressed that I'm thinking of leaving here today and coming home early, and after all day of not talking to me, she responded, "No! Visit with your family. You never see them! Spend all the time with grandma that you can. She doesn't have long left, and I'm sure spending her last days with you will be really comforting for her. Its flattering that you are homesick though and you miss me! I miss you too!"
I didn't want to sound accusatory so I sent something along the lines of, "hey! Dave said he saw you at (hardware store) today and meant to say hi, but didn't have the time." She responded, "I wasn't at (hardware store) today, just (grocery store)."
Admittedly, I was a bit suspicious. My girlfriend doesn't really do social media. She is a high school teacher, and all she has is a Facebook, she keeps it for professional purposes only and has basically nothing on there, so I decided to check her email. (I know, I know, I feel awful, but I'm starting to get worried). She had a few from some generic gmail around that was basically something like: Sugarlandman1234 There was no google+ info on the page. I also googled the gmail and could find no other accounts associated with it.
The back and fourth: Sugarlandman1234: sorry bout the email. Shattered my phone on a job and not gonna replace it until my contrat expires.
Girlfriend: that's okay! I totally understand. We still on for Saturday?
Sugarlandman1234: yea. Im free. Is the boyfriend gone already?
Girlfriend: yep! He left the other day. Shouldn't be back until like Wednesday.
Sugarlandman1234: cool. Sounds good then.
Girlfriend: do you want to get dinner or pizza? On me, of course. We will need some fuel, or I imagine we will be exhausted.
Sugarlandman1234: that nice of you. Dont know yet. Well decide that day? Ive got my dads phone now. He dont really ever use it, so I'll text you from there. Ill let u know its me.
That was the entirety of it really. Now I'm even more worried. Should I come home early? Confront her over the phone? Leave it alone until I get home when I was going to anyway?
Edit: some info that has come up in comments below. She just had a hysterectomy. She is only recently home from the hospital and doesn't have much energy. We haven't had sex since the surgery. She says she can't. I honestly believe her because I've changed the bandaging on her stitches and they looks painful. Other than slowly walking around, she can't do too much.
My best friend and his girlfriend (now fiancé) have all been mutual friends together for several years and all go out together frequently. He knows for sure what he looks like and that it was her.
I'm sure this is not relevent at all, but a guy can hope. My birthday is in 10 days.
Edit 2: my friend drove by my house. There is a white truck in the driveway...but the plates on it are from a neighboring state. It's getting kinda late there.
Edit 3: Friend drove by again. Truck is still there. Truck is from another state, but Girlfriend has family in that state. My girlfriend is not really close with her family at all. We really only see them on holidays....However, my girlfriends family owns a construction company. But their company lays concrete. I don't think they have any carpenters or anything like that. I could be wrong though. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt because she had never done anything to make me mistrust her in the past. You guys have been such a comfort to keep me level headed and I thank you. A lot of you think there is a surprise for my birthday, and I hope that is it. And many of you think she is cheating, which I hope isn't the case. I don't want to leave early and risk missing out on time with my grandma....Some of you have suggested I have my friend check up on her...but that worries me. Won't I seem paranoid if nothing is going on?
Edit 4: On Current Communication with my girlfriend: I have called her, 3 times, and texted her a ton. I haven't been accusatory just asked what she was doing and if she had any friends over.
Basically:
We live in a dead zone cell phone coverage wise. We live in a town surrounded by cornfields for miles and miles. We get spotty reception at best. When I last spoke to her she said she was doing laundry and working on a quilt she is making for my mom. Both the laundry and her sewing room are in the basement...we get NO service in the basement. A little while ago I got a picture message of our cat laying all over her quilting supplies, and one saying she missed me. Its possible she hasn't t gotten my texts because she has very possibly been in her sewing room all day. She can spend hours there working on projects and watching netflix. She always calls me right before she falls asleep when we are apart though, so I'm waiting for her to call me before bed now.
FINAL EDIT
Still no call from her, but if she is in the basement quilting and watching Netflix, that is no surprise. She can go for hours. No idea if the truck is still there or not. My friend drove by again around 9pm and it was still there. I'm not going to make him go out again. I'm thinking I will just come home when I was supposed to. If anthing is going on, I have proof. I'll update as soon as I am able or when I am actually allowed to post again. Waiting sucks....
tl;dr: out of town. Had a fight with my girl just before I left. Best friend saw her shopping/at a restaurant with another man. I found an email. What to do?
* [**Update**](https://ud.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/2rnfbl/update_im_27m_out_of_town_right_now_my_best/)
Sorry for the formatting. I'm on mobile. Well here goes....
I'm going to pick up where I left off with the last post and detail what happened from there.
My girlfriend called me at 1am and apologized profusely saying she didn't realize what time it had gotten to because she was busy. (She normally calls me around 11:30 or so). I decided then and there that I was gonna save the texts from Dave, a screen shot of the email, and confront her when I got home. I weighed my options and decided it was better to be cheated on and let it go on a few extra days and spend time with my family, then to rush home or accuse her over the phone and find out she was planning something for my birthday....I think that would ruin her trust in me forever. Nothing seemed odd when she called. She asked after my family, sent me a few progress pictures of the quilt she was making for my mom, told me she loved me and that she would call me in the morning.
Monday morning my grandma took a turn for the worse and my brother, mother, and father all gathered at the hospice to spend the final hours with her. Somewhere in the very wee hours of Tuesday morning she passed away from lung cancer.....seriously people, put down your cigarettes.
We were really her only remaining family. My father was an only child, and she had no living siblings, and she had moved in with my parents awhile ago and hasn't kept in touch with anyone. In leu of planning a traditional funeral, we just decided to proceed with having her buried next to her husband's plot (something she had already pre-planned, paid for, and requested in her will) and spent Tuesday gathered around in the living room telling stories about her and looking through her shoeboxes full of photographs to create an updated photo album. It was nice, actually. My girlfriend kept in constant contact with me through this whole thing and talked to my parents as well. They love her.
During that time I decided to let everything fall out of my mind other than my family. It was pretty evenly split on what people believed about my girlfriend, but what felt right in my gut, was that she was planning something from me.
Many of you said I was denying any possibility she was cheating and had my head in the sand. That she was blowing this guy, fucking him in my bed, and that she was on some sort of penis-related carnival ride?
Some said I trusted her too much and that it would come back to bite me.
And many of you said I didn't trust her enough. That I was letting what my friend saw cloud my judgement.
There is some truth in that. Many of you wondered if Dave hated my girlfriend or wanted to get with her. I promise you that is not the case at all. Dave has been cheated on before and just wanted to look out for me. If I had asked him to confront her he would have done it in a heart beat, but even he thought something was up knowing us for as long as he has. I asked him to leave it and that I would deal with Everything when I got home. If there really was nothing going on, I didn't want to risk crushing her spirit when she was just trying to do something nice for me.
I let my girlfriend know I would be home sometime Wednesday...but I was gonna have breakfast with my family first. She requested I call her when I get in the state.
This was my intention, but I was getting so homesick, and I just really needed to see my girlfriend, so I hit the road sometime around 5am. With no rest stops and minimal traffic, I made pretty great time and got home at 10:30 or so.
As I pulled into the driveway, I saw the white truck parked there already.
I swallowed the lump in my throat and walked up to the front door. I kept repeating in my head that I trusted her and that there was nothing going on. As I walked in the front door (which enters into the living room) I locked eyes with the guy. He was sitting cross-legged on the floor in sweat pants and a tank top eating cereal off my coffee table. He looked younger than I thought he would be from Dave's description. But he had a full beard and long black hair in a ponytail. He nodded and said, "hey dude. Welcome back."
Which felt odd....I just stood there, staring at him, wading through the surrealness of the situation looking for the right words. My girlfriend then came down the hallway, smiled, and hugged me.
"Hey. I'm so, so sorry about grandma. Any chance you remember my cousin Max? I know It's been awhile."
I stared at him and I swear I had never seen this person in my life. I just had this sinking feeling and only replied, "I don't think we have met...."
"Aunt Ellen's son. The one that lives in (other state)."
And suddenly it dawned on me. Her aunt Ellen's husband, Uncle Joe, was her SECOND husband. She married young but split up with this kid's father pretty early.....Max lives with his dad in (other state) and Max's dad is 100% Italian.....which explains the hair.
All I could say was, "whoa man. You've grown up...."
He just laughed and said "yeah. I've changed a bit."
The last time I saw this kid he was a chubby, neon green haired, acne covered teenager in an tapout t-shirt. He really came out of puberty well....I Think I last saw him four or five years ago on Christmas.
She asked me if we could talk. So I followed her into our bedroom. She basically said he was moving back in with aunt Ellen and getting a job as a grunt with her family construction company part time. He wants to go to a local college around us and my girlfriend promised to help him fill out his FAFSA, polish his entrance letter, and study for his placement tests in exchange for some work. (He went to an alternative trade school for carpentry his last two years of highschool and my girlfriend's dad says he did pretty well.)
She said she had something planned for my man-cave but they hit a few hang ups and it's taking longer than expected.
She brought our x-box upstairs into the living room and has made me swear I will not enter the basement for any reason until my birthday.
I debated pretending I wasn't worried at all....but I like that we are always honest with each other. I told her Dave saw her out with her cousin and had me a bit worried about him. She just laughed and said, "I didn't realize he saw us together! I thought you meant he just saw me." She said they had walked basically around opposite ends of the store shopping separately. They only met up to check out. She asked why I didn't just ask her who it was. She said could have told me it was Max and still been able to keep the exchange of work under wraps and just told me about the college thing.
I basically told her I didn't want to make her feel like I was accusing her of anything, which I think she appreciated.
Max is going to be staying here a few more days longer than she planned, which I wish she would have told me about....but after this....that seems like nothing at all. I think she is a bit upset that I could even think for a moment she would cheat on me....but she said she was glad I didn't come flying home early kicking doors in or anything.
So I think we are good. Just in case, I'm gonna kiss her ass for a awhile.
edit 1: maybe I should clarify that max is NOT moving in with is. He is moving back in with his mom. He was already supposed to be home with her by the time I came home...but they hit some snags with whatever he is working on. He is staying a few more days to finish up then going home to his mother's.
Edit 2: For those asking why my girlfriend would not tell me why Max was over, she didn't know Dave saw her WITH him, she just thought he saw her in the paint department by herself. I think she wanted to not arouse any suspicion at all in me. He was supposed to be done before I even got home.
I remember her mentioning that he was in carpentry school. I didn't know it was part of a two year high school thing, and for some reason I was picturing him as a lot older than he was (I think I had him confused with his older step brother?).
I've had my brother over when she was visiting her best friend out of state before and it was a non issue. We have a pretty open door policy when it comes to close friends and family so having him over is a total non issue for me.
I see how it would be an issue for some people. But it's not in our relationship.
I think she just wanted me to spend time with my family and not focus on what was going on at home in the slightest. She was going to tell me about the FAFSA/college thing If I asked, but since I didn't, she just decided to keep it under wraps.
tl;dr: Everything worked out.
*I'm still not the original poster. Please don't message me about the struggles depicted here. I don't need advice about this situation.* | Schattenspringer | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/p3rtbq/im_27_m_out_of_town_right_now_my_best_friend_saw/ | p3rtbq | 17,339 | 921 | [
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2021-08-14T00:10:27 | Wholesome update: AITA for taking my kids phone away for a half hour? | AITA | This is a repost. I am not the OP. [Originally posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oxuwwk/aita_for_for_confiscating_my_daughters_phone_for/
AITA for for confiscating my daughter's phone for half an hour?) to AITA by u/Embarrassed_Pain_102
She is 16. we have screen time rules but honestly we never had to enforce them with her as she is a smart kid who has many varied interest. over the last week and half she has been on her phone all day. I have let it slide as it is summer and she still does other things and she only spends a lot of time talking to her best friend, Jane.
We have pretty strict dining table rules about phone use. if you pick up your phone three times during dinner unless it is an emergency you phone gets grounded for half an hour. I am will be honest, I had my phone grounded the most.
we were having dinner and she was texting her. My husband pointed it out. She kept the phone down but then she picked it up again a few minutes later. I teased her and asked her if she texting a boy. She said it was Jane and then kept the phone down.
she picked it up the third time a few minutes later and her phone got grounded. she handed it over without a fight but she looked sad doing it. She was stewing for the whole half an hour. she was curt and rude while she waited the punishment out. She grabbed the phone and left. She was very frustrated at us. She sarcastically thanked us for ruining her night and retreated to her room.
I feel like an asshole because I am sure I missed something here. She has been punished for the texting while dining and she accepted far better. My husband also thinks that we messed up here. He feels that something we did or said hurt her. It is also odd that she gave up the phone so quickly. We do let them getaway with it if they have a somewhat valid excuse and she didn't even try to fight it. My son also made it obvious through body language that we had messed up.
EDIT : I did talk to her this morning. she said everything was fine and shrugged it off. she didn't seem sad at all at dinner. she didn't look stressed. she seemed happy. I wouldn't have ever teased her if she was even a bit sad or stressed out.
UPDATE
I was judged NTA but some commenters pointed out I was the asshole for teasing her. A commenter also said that my teasing would have rubbed her the wrong way if she had a girlfriend.
I hadn't really thought that one our children is part LGBTQ community but after thinking about it I realized I wouldn't be surprised if my daughter turned out to have a girlfriend. I talked to my husband, we agreed that we need to be a bit more conspicuous about our language and using gender neutral terms when speaking to them.
I talked to her and apologized for teasing her and said we would stop teasing them about their romantic partners as it could be a sensitive topic.
My daughter reads a lot. She loves to read fantasy and I occasionally buy her a book I think she may like. I looked up any sci-fi or fantasy book with great representation and I found a really great book with solid reviews which centered around two women falling in love. I ended up buying it and giving it to her. She looked practically giddy when I gave it to her.
We have talked about the book and she said she loved it and thanked me for buying it. I bragged about my good taste and she rolled her eyes and teased me and said I got lucky. It was pretty normal interaction but I could see it meant a lot to her. | overflowingsewing | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/p3xi64/wholesome_update_aita_for_taking_my_kids_phone/ | p3xi64 | 3,487 | 854 | [
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2021-08-14T09:13:17 | AITA for taking back something thats mine. | AITA |
A bit of context, I (20m) just got a job and can now pay rent at this nice apartment. All my family was proud of me. In fact, they all helped me move this from my old room to the apartment. There’s this very special thing in my room that is a signed Tom Brady Game Worn Jersey that is worth a lot of money in my opinion. So i was taking it out of my room my dad comes in and asks what I was doing.
I told him how I was taking to put it up in the apartment. He then said “No” I told him why and he states that its his even though he gave it to me on my birthday a fee years back. He said that since he bought it he has all the legal rights to it and that its rightfully his. We both started arguing and shouting and that got me kicked from the house. I still managed to get the jersey and went on with my day.
Later, my mom called me and said that the reason my dad wanted this jersey was to sell it since they are going broke, I felt bad so i sold it and gave my father half. Even though it was A LOT he still wanted all of it.
AITA?
———————————————
UPDATE
This happened a while back (like a month) My dad used the money to gamble and lost all the money I gave him AND his car. My mom just called me and said she is divorcing him. She has paid me back in full the money that my dad said was his and my mom is now staying with me.
Thanks everyone for the support and have a merry christmas | wynonajim | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/p44s87/aita_for_taking_back_something_thats_mine/ | p44s87 | 1,398 | 1,053 | [
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2021-08-14T14:29:46 | Saying I love you too soon | Relationships | *This is a repost.* [*The original post*](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/i2ymiq/saying_i_love_you_too_soon/) *is by* [u/Dirtyteacher1992](https://www.reddit.com/user/Dirtyteacher1992/)
I'll try and keep this short.
I (28F) started seeing my bf (39) last December. I'm a teacher and his daughter (6) was in my class last school year. He also had a son (3) He's a single father and the children's Mum passed away a couple of years ago.
We bumped into each other in a pub just before Christmas and hit it off and started dating. We've been taking it quite slow, going on 1 or 2 dates a week and messaging/talking. No sex but plenty of kissing and that.
You know what happened and we couldn't see each other for a few months but have been talking everyday. Anyway we decided that it would be nice for me to meet the children as his partner as the next step.
So he cooked dinner for us all last night and it was amazing. The children are really sweet and seemed genuinely excited I was there, the daughter especially seemed super pleased to see me.
Just watching this "man's man" (I don't know a better way to describe it, I hope you know what I mean) with his children just made me want him more. Was almost a different person but not, if that makes sense. The final straw was hearing him singing the bedtime song to his son when he tucked him in, was adorable!
Once he'd put both children to bed I teased him on whether I could get a bedtime song too and got the answer I was hoping for which was basically inviting me to stay the night (I'm not going to lie, I was so incredibly turned on by this stage, is that even normal?)
After an amazing night we were all cuddled up in bed and I just said "I love you" I didn't plan on saying it, it just came out in the moment.
He didn't say anything at first but he did seem to hold me a little tighter and after a while said "You're amazing" we fell asleep snuggled up (and woke up the same which was super nice too) but I'm a bit worried I may have scared him off. I mean who says I love you after the first time having sex? How should I address this? Should I address this?
Tldr: I said I love you way early in a relationship and am worried I may have scared my bf off!
&#x200B;
[***UPDATE***](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/ibfil4/i_love_you_too_soon_update/)
Thought I'd drop a quick update as so many nice people gave advice.
I was definitely over thinking things and suspect I was just being over worried due to his widower status (I've never really consciously associated that to him before I started reading some of the replies to my original post)
Over the past few weeks I've stayed at his more often than not and things have been great.
He hasn't said "I love you" yet but here's a list of things he has said/done that helped me realise not saying it doesn't mean he's not feeling it....
In no particular order:
The little messages in the morning/evening on the rare occasions I didn't stay at his. Yup he's still thinking of me even when I'm not there.
He ordered some toiletries for me on his weekly shop so I had some at his place too (After checking with me what I'd need) Plus I'm getting invited to join his "meal planning" discussions where everyone one in the house gets to pick at least 1 meal for the coming week (This is making me feel like part of the family and not just a guest)
He's cleared out some drawer and wardrobe space in his bedroom so I can keep stuff at his too (this one was pretty huge to me)
When his daughter asked "Is Miss teacher going to live with us forever? his reply was a cheeky little smile and a "Not yet" - yup irrational or not the "yet" sent a few flutters off :D
He's really open about everything. He's admitted to me that at one point in his life he really didn't believe that he'd be capable of love again (in a romantic way) but he knows now that's not true (Perhaps irrationally on my part - I really did read that as "I love you" Just in a, I really can't say it way)
He's arranged for his parents to have the kids this weekend so we can have a night away and a date or two because and I quote "You deserve to be treated like a princess too sometimes and I don't want you to feel I only want you around for the children"
He's posted a few pictures on social media of us (with and without the children) my favourite being a selfie of all four of us snuggled on the sofa with the caption "Star Wars night with the family - life is good"
After the previously mentioned Star Wars night, whilst we were being intimate I let slip another "I love you" in the heat of the moment and he replied "I know" which if you're a bit of a Star Wars fan (which we both are) is kind of the cool guys way of saying it. A little bit nerdy I know!
TLDR: An update on my last post. Partner still hasn't said "I love you" directly but I'm 99.9999999% sure that he does. And I've definitely not scared him off lol | SomaliMN | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/p4913x/saying_i_love_you_too_soon/ | p4913x | 4,950 | 561 | [
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2021-08-14T17:22:01 | "Found a safe while fishing under a remote bridge in Dallas. Anyone with a sense of adventure want to help me recover or crack it open?" | r/Dallas | *repost, original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Dallas/comments/i0y6d2/found_a_safe_while_fishing_under_a_remote_bridge/) & comments by u/stubsy*
Found a safe while fishing under a remote bridge in Dallas. It’s actually in a little fork off the trinity and I can say it’s an area you wouldn’t expect. Anyone with a sense of adventure want to help me recover or crack it open?
&nbsp;
https://i.redd.it/h50w1nyvd3e51.jpg
I haven’t yet been able to get the safe out since the water level has somehow risen several inches.
In the meantime, the plot has since thickened — I can tell you with relative certainty that the safe is not empty, nor is it alone in the river...
My current theory is that it was tossed off the bridge after being stolen from a nearby house or business. Maybe to hide the evidence after failing to crack it?
That said, I drove by yesterday and found several other safes in the immediate area that I had apparently missed before. This brings the total to FOUR safes in the water.
Help is on the way. The water level has risen since my first find which submerged the safe under a few inches. I now have the right folks ready to assist me with proper tools this afternoon so updates will be coming soon!
I’m actually meeting a fellow r/Dallas user to extract it tomorrow!
[here’s another view](https://i.imgur.com/1Pk5Fan.jpg)
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Dallas/comments/i7hlt7/update_on_the_safes_i_found_in_the_trinity_river/)
HOLY SHIT, REDDIT! Buckle up, because WOW, this experience turned out very differently than expected. First off, many thanks to u/justinsunfullofshit
(we’ll call him ‘J’) for meeting up with me today IRL and bringing some kickass tools and buddies to assist. Story below, sheeeeesh.
So this morning started like any other, save the excitement of potentially opening a safe full of valuables. Needless to say it felt like Christmas Eve and my wife was visibly irritated with my restlessness. I had made plans on Saturday to meet up with J who graciously offered his expertise, hands, and services, of which he had many, being a higher-up at a local Ford dealership. Prior to meeting, J had called in a few favors to make our lives easier in this endeavor, namely a badass friend who ran a serious towing rig with 260’ of winch cable. In addition, he also called in a favor from another buddy who manages a Home Depot and offered access to some premium tools. We’re SET. This is our day. Fuck COVID-19. All the shit.
Fast forward to 5pm when we link up at 7-11 to caravan to the site. Four of us on an adventure. My friend Z decides to show up. It’s J and his buddy, me with mine. All of us keyed up and ready for safe cracking.
We roll over to the bridge a few miles from the gas station and pile out of the vehicles while making small talk and scurrying down the muddy banks to the river. Mind you, on Saturday my wife and I had returned to the site to check the water level and, no shit, we spot FOUR other safes within 200’ of the original. THIS IS A SAFE GRAVEYARD. Our mystery once again intensifies.
So bam, there we are, wading into the river, scoping out the various dumped safes, judging their locations, and gauging how we should proceed when...FLUMPPPP...J flips the first safe over to reveal an entirely exposed interior, this one having already been popped by whomever had their way with it first.
Oh well — On to the next one.
Once again, we get it to the top of the hill with a combination of brute force and leverage, only to find its also been cleaned out. At this point, we’re realizing that most of these have probably already been ravaged. Either way, we’ve got the tools, why not just check at a minimum?
Two more safes turn up empty. Damn. At least we didn’t waste too much energy. Only one safe left to check, but Jesus H Christ, it’s the largest of the three and thicker than a bowl of oatmeal.
We decide to run the winch down through a hole in the bridge to drag the last safe up on its side...and it’s working...when ‘whoop whoop’ the boys in blue show up. Not one, not two, not three, but FOUR cop cars roll up responding to an apparent call of “four Hispanic males suspiciously being in the river”...or whatever. Only one of us is actually Hispanic, close enough. After a tense half hour and some nervous laughs they let us continue as we weren’t actually breaking any laws. They weren’t the slightest bit interested in a bunch of dumped safes (we also found empty purses under the same bridge). Go figure.
At this point it’s hot, we’re tired, and we decide to call it a day after some undeniable highs and lows. Damn. At least we had an interesting day, right??
Well, before you get TOO bummed, Reddit. The day didn’t end there. I’m shuffling through the riverbed, foot after foot, slogging through the mud on my walk of shame, and I begin to see a glint of something in the water ahead. It’s greenish, it’s flat, it’s floating...it’s money. IN THE WATER. IT’S EVERYWHERE! HOLY SHIT!
No joke, right as I’m processing our final defeat. BLAM, here’s a flurry of cash in the water in front of me. I can’t believe my eyes. We did it, guys. We did it. We’re rich, this has to be at least several hundred thousand dollars in front of me. Immediately we snap into action, the whole crew, now waist deep, grabbing handfuls of $100 dollar bills. Stacks on stacks on stacks of cash. It’s buried as deep as we can reach and we’re slopping huge handfuls of this muddy, partially degraded, stinky, but still preserved, soaking wet money into a 5-gallon bucket.
We’re ecstatically talking over how we might spend the money, still reeling in disbelief, still making piles of cheddar on the riverbank when Z makes a startling discovery. Chinese symbols. They’re on the back of one of the bills, so we start inspecting each carefully, and...it’s fake. It’s all fake. Every. Last. Bill. Granted, they were convincing copies, and the fact that they hadn’t dissolved after apparently soaking for ages made me initially believe it was real.
https://imgur.com/gallery/5HBZjcV
Shock starts to set in and we move to sluggishly lug our gear, and the heaps of counterfeit cash, back up the hill and into the truck. We leave the river and stop at my place to rinse off the bills, lick our wounds, and confirm that it was indeed fake.
Now we’re reporting the bills to the police and turning over the evidence, so maybe it’ll be a good lead.
The emotional peaks and valleys from the last 24 hours are still grinding my gears but I can’t say I didn’t find the adventure I was looking for.
Onward and upward, Reddit. The hunt for safe treasure continues.
Edit: for anyone interested, here’s [a link](http://www.lewiscountyherald.com/have-you-seen-this-fake-benjamin) to the very same counterfeit bills we recovered | NearbyIssue629 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/p4c5no/found_a_safe_while_fishing_under_a_remote_bridge/ | p4c5no | 6,826 | 438 | [
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2021-08-14T19:54:11 | "My sister (20) animated/deep faked a photo of our late grandfather, thinking our mom (50) would love it. Instead, it made Mom super upset, and now they aren't speaking to each other." | Relationship_Advice | Oop: u/ThrowRAFamilyPhoto posted on r/relationship_advice.
[Original link](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/p3182q/my_sister_20_animateddeep_faked_a_photo_of_our/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
TL:DR; - My sister animated a photo of our late grandfather, thinking my mom would love it. Instead, Mom hated it, the two of them aren't speaking to each other, and I (23F) feel caught in the middle.
Backstory: My mom's father died in a car accident when she was 16, so my sister and I never met him. My mom was an only child and a total Daddy's Girl, so she always made sure to tell us stories about him and keep him alive in our hearts. She only really had one good photo of him though, showing a serious, handsome man of about 40, and that photo has had a special place in our living room all of our lives.
What happened: My mom's 50th birthday was last week, and we had a small gathering at home to celebrate. All week long, my sister said she found the perfect present for Mom but said it was a surprise for me too and wouldn't tell me what it was.
The party starts and we're all having a good time. Right before we're about to cut the cake, my sister says there's one more special guest about to arrive. She cues up her computer, turns on the TV, and there on the screen is the picture of my grandfather - but it's moving, blinking, and smiling. She used one of those programs (IDK what they're called, but you may have seen them with like talking Abraham Lincoln and singing celebrities) to add motion to the photo. The video was only about 15 seconds long, and the editing wasn't perfect, but to see this photo I had seen all my life move and actually smile was very cool - for me.
However, my mom's demeanor instantly changed, and I could tell by her reaction that she was upset. She held it together in the moment and politely thanked my sister for the video, but very shortly afterwards she said she wasn't feeling well, left the party, and spent the rest of the evening alone in her room. I went to check up on her, but she said she wanted to be left alone and for me to entertain the guests. Without the guest of honor, the party fizzled out shortly afterwards. My sister, for her part, was stunned by the reaction, and also spent the rest of the night in a very noticeable sulk.
That was Sunday. It's now Thursday, and neither of them have really spoken to each other since. My sister thinks Mom overreacted and embarrassed her, and she's hurt that what was supposed to be a nice gesture totally backfired. I finally was able to talk to Mom a little bit about it yesterday, and her feeling is that it was "distasteful," but she didn't really elaborate beyond that and I didn't want to push.
I feel conflicted, because I see both viewpoints - how my sister thought my mom would like it, and how my mom thought it was creepy to see her dad "alive" again - but I'm not sure how to bridge the gap or get the two of them to reconcile the matter. The three of us are very close and have a great relationship, so it's hard to see them both so upset and distant. Is this just a time heals all wounds thing, and I should wait it out? Get them to sit down and talk to each other? My feeling is that Mom wants my sister to apologize, but my sister doesn't think she did anything wrong.
Thank you for reading and for any advice - this came out longer than planned, but I guess I just needed to share my feelings with someone.
.
.
.
.
.
-------------------------------------------
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/p4c357/update_my_sister_20_animateddeep_faked_a_photo_of/)
I return with a happy update, but first wanted to thank everyone who contributed for their comments and suggestions, particularly those who replied with grace and compassion. I found it helpful to get impartial outsiders' view of the matter, and I read each and every comment. I hope to address a few recurring themes I noticed and update with what happened yesterday.
Some comments have asked if my sister was filming or making her own video, and she was not. She’s no content creator, but certainly a content consumer. I genuinely believe she was doing it from a place of caring and thought in her heart of hearts that Mom would really appreciate it. However, as many suggested, she was definitely inspired by all the viral videos that showed people absolutely loving these kinds of photos, and in particular the hologram video Kim Kardashian got of her father for her birthday. She thought she was doing something to make my mom really happy, and the fact that it instead made her really sad was very jarring.
Some comments came down hard on my mom for "the silent treatment" or “punishing” my sister, and I apologize for giving that impression - it's more like two usually chatty, vibrant people had been walking on eggshells around each other, likely out of a combo of awkwardness, pride, and shame. If you've ever seen the episode of The Simpsons where Bart shoplifts and Marge is a much more muted version of her normal self ("Good night" instead of "Good night and sweet dreams, my special little guy!"), it was exactly like that. It was hard to read the comments calling Mom manipulative or immature or an ice witch, or my sister a selfish soulless psychopath, since they are two of the world’s sweetest people.
Some comments suggested that maybe my mom's reaction might imply something more sinister about her relationship with her dad, hidden trauma, or that I don't know the whole truth about my grandfather. While I never met the man and of course only have a filtered perception of him, there's never been any indication from my mom, other family members, or friends that he was anything other than a good guy and loving dad who died very suddenly and, importantly for this discussion, very young.
I’m jumping ahead a little bit, but my grandfather was 49 when he died, just a few weeks shy of his own 50th birthday. In addition to general "oh god, what have I done with my life" angst that came with this milestone, this was also the birthday where Mom "outlived" him. I have to admit, I was embarrassed I didn't think about that until she herself brought it up.
Anyway, yesterday morning, my sister approached me and asked if I had any suggestions about talking to Mom. We talked about how, hindsight being 20/20, she realized what a bad idea it was, and not just because of the reaction. She said something like “I wanted to create a new memory, without thinking about how they might mess with the old ones,” and how a surprise like that in front of others was basically demanding a reaction one way or the other. Another relative at the party also piled on her about how it looked nothing like him, so she felt like was getting shat on from all sides. She wasn’t sure if I was mad too, and was hoping I’d go with her to talk to Mom so she’d at least have one person on her side. I said yes, and using some of the language/suggestions I got here, I encouraged her to apologize, without trying to justify or blame, and see where that led.
My sister approached Mom on her own and asked if she would be able to talk about what happened Sunday, if it was ok if I came too, and Mom said absolutely. There was a long period of silence, but before my sister could start talking, Mom said something like, “Let me explain why I’ve been feeling a certain way.”
Mom then explained how much anxiety she had around this birthday in general, of which we had no idea. She organized the party and thought being around friends and family would make her feel better, but she still had this general angst she couldn’t quite put her finger on. And then the video, a very visible and literally moving reminder of everything she was trying to keep to herself.
Apparently, everything was kinda ok up until the part where the video smiled. “The last time I saw him smile was in my dreams,” she said, and it brought up all the feelings she was bottling up - milestones missed, life unlived, stories unshared, and now someone forever young at 49 as she gets older and older. She had been trying not to think about him at all that day, and then – BAM! She said she felt simultaneously 16 and 50 at the same time, and it was just too much to handle at the moment. She needed more time than she realized to process the feelings, and didn’t want to burden us with what she called her “mid-life mortality crisis.” My sister then burst into tears and apologized, and said she had been spending all week ashamed of herself for planning one of these “gifts for someone else that’s really for you” kinda things.
I’m summarizing and omitting a lot, and this was a conversation that lasted hours and hours. I think we all now understand what the other was feeling/trying to do was only out of love, but also that the unintended fallout caused hurt emotions all around that needed to be dealt with, which we are now trying to do.
Thank you again for taking the time to participate and help me sort out some of my own complex emotions. As is often the case, a little time to process and a lot of honest communication was the key. I think we are definitely all in a much better place than we were when I posted, and I hope we all continue to learn from this (and maybe not look to the Kardashians for gift advice.)
Update TL;DR: Sister apologized, Mom and Sister both explained where they were coming from, listened to each other, and talked (and cried) it out. It was a naïve and misguided gift but done with the best of intentions, and Mom and Sister have come to an understanding. Lots of tears, lots of hugs, but all is well. | readytoreloadd | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/p4evk0/my_sister_20_animateddeep_faked_a_photo_of_our/ | p4evk0 | 9,667 | 1,031 | [
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2021-08-14T22:03:33 | Need advice | null | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/p4h48f/need_advice/ | p4h48f | 9 | 0 | [
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2021-08-15T02:39:05 | AITA for “overstaying” my welcome at my boyfriend’s parents house? | AITA | AITA Have I(F21) “overstayed” my welcome at my boyfriend’s(M21) parent’s home?
We’ve been dating for 3 months, and by month two was when I started coming over on a daily basis. He can’t come to my apartment because it’s small and I share it with 3 other girls (1 bed, 1 bath).
Throughout my stay, my boyfriend’s sister(F30) would take opportunities to make jokes like “Damn, we’re gonna have to start making you pay rent!” Or, recently, I was explaining to her how their dog was barking at me, and her response was, “She (the dog) was telling you ‘Go home!’”
Here’s the thing...
The reason I put quotes over “overstayed” in the title is point #1 especially:
1. My boyfriend and I are out majority of the day together. We often don’t come back to his home only until the end of the day, when everyone is already in bed.
2. I eat food at his parent’s once a week or every two weeks.
3. I do shower there but that’s maybe once every two weeks.
4. I do plenty of chores around the house since my work schedule is opposite to theirs: vacuum, organize, wash dishes, dog sit, babysit his sister’s son without pay.
5. I do use their toilet and water if I ever have to or have the opportunity.
6. Sometimes my clothes does get thrown in the wash along with my boyfriend’s (once every two weeks).
She’s made enough remarks/“jokes” that I plan to speak with their parents later today about paying some rent.
AITA?
TL;DR I come over my boyfriend’s home (parent’s) shortly everyday. His sister(F30) cracks “jokes” about me paying rent or going home when she can. In ways, I don’t believe I overstay because I’m out with my boyfriend until the very end of the day, when everyone is in bed most days out of the week. But I’m also doubting myself with the amount of times his sister has made her rent “jokes”. AITA?
**UPDATE 1**: I know my post is/will be hot, and I know a lot of people are on watch with the conclusions of the family discussion. I’ll update you guys whenever I can!
Here’s some quick and brief corrections so I don’t have to let people know to read further:
1. Only his sister complains at all. His parens show inclusion and appreciation. Started from the sister, not the parents.
2. Opposite schedules = weekdays off for me, weekends off for them. Get off at 9AM the earliest, they get off ~4:30PM-5:30PM (very approximate) the earliest.
3. I work 5 days a week, not 7. I get days off believe it or not lmfao.
4. Why would I clean at night when people sleep...When I sleep...
5. Parents own the house. Sister lives there with a kid.
6. Have already known boyfriend and his parents pretty long before we started dating.
7. Not weird to clean a house when it’s appreciated.
I’ll maybe come up with more corrections if I can think of any, but at the end of the day, what the family discussion comes down to will be the most important.
**UPDATE 2!!!:** I do want to thank you all have supported me and my post, as well advised me in a calm manner. I appreciate it!
The family discussion was pretty quick. Everyone gathered, and things took a really weird and unexpected turn actually. I started talking thinking the solution was I’d just pitch in a bill, or just do some monetary tasks each month (like grocery shopping for the family)... Wrong.
Their parents ended up wanting the entire 3 of us to start paying rent. Each person had a flat rate. Didn’t matter who made more, who made less, who worked more, who has more financial support, etc. Me, not living there, I do get to pay less. It would help them more than we knew, especially now they plan on moving to a new home actually a lot closer to where I live (work purposes). It would also simply better help them with bills. Crazy part is the discussion of rent payments were coming anyway, it was just that I sped up that progress by bringing it up for myself.
It also turns out my boyfriend was right... The way his sister cracked jokes about my stay is exactly how she finds her humor with me I guess. During the discussion, it was stated she’s perfectly fine and doesn’t care (unless she had a change of heart after I happily obliged to paying rent). She agrees I (and my boyfriend) am not really ever there, but we “eat, shit, and sleep” there without making much a presence, so it felt weird for her. The issue is I felt more like a roommate that lives free than her friend—as her boyfriend’s girlfriend, therefore the rent jokes came up. She did also mention that it would be nice to hang with her brother (only friend where they live) every now and then if she could, since she only has her son and their parents. Because of that I’ll also be staying at my apartment around 2 days out of the week, so they can hang out together more.
We will all be paying rent starting next month, and while they’re not excited about it—it does push us 3 to try and get our own living spaces sooner rather than later if it’s even possible. Believe it or not, even with a decent job, it doesn’t take 10k in the savings to keep you out of financial obstacles—even as a fresh adult (no mortgage, loans, late payments, etc.)—while paying for an apartment. Life just loves to hit you out of nowhere before you even know it.
Thank you guys again for your upmost (or not upmost for some of you) support, and riding this short journey with me! | wynonajim | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/p4ldkp/aita_for_overstaying_my_welcome_at_my_boyfriends/ | p4ldkp | 5,303 | 506 | [
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2021-08-15T04:37:20 | Son cuts down V expensive trees, gets kicked out, wife is mad | AITA | Definitely didn't see the ending on this one coming.
\[original\]([https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/opp4fu/aita\_for\_kicking\_my\_son\_out\_after\_he\_cut\_down\_my/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=iossmf](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/opp4fu/aita_for_kicking_my_son_out_after_he_cut_down_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf))
Hi, I’m the father of an 18M who started choosing friends over his future when he was a sophomore. It took him nearly going to jail during senior year for him to snap out of it. He went from being a straight A student to barely passing.
He only started preparing for his SAT a week beforehand, which is evident in the score he got. He applied to some colleges, none of which were his dream ones, and managed to get into a few.
He ended up coming to us and choosing one of the worst colleges on his list and saying his friends were going there. That set me off because he should not make decisions based on his friends.
My wife and I told him that if he took a year off and continued to get his life back together, regardless of his new SAT score at the end of the year, we would pay for his college. But we wouldn’t pay for him to hang out with his ‘friends’. He wasn’t happy about taking a year off even though we convinced him a year is nothing in the grand scheme of things but he didn’t mention it for a while.
My wife and I went on a 2 week-long trip and while we were away, nearly 10 trees in our backyard were cut down. They were some sort of sandalwood trees planted only God knows how long ago.
We had left our daughter behind with our son but they stayed a few nights with their uncle so we instantly thought some random person cut them down to sell them. Our daughter secretly said she has an idea of what happened but didn’t elaborate.
Quick security check shows our son hired a company to (badly and hastily) cut the trees and he cut them into logs and planks with my equipment, then sold it to strangers. We ended up arguing, him saying he needs money for college.
I kicked him out and he went to stay with another family member. My wife is upset and says I’m awful. I appreciate my son trying, but this was not the right way. AITA?
\[update\]([https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p4fcat/update\_aita\_for\_kicking\_my\_son\_out\_after\_he\_cut/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p4fcat/update_aita_for_kicking_my_son_out_after_he_cut/))
It’s been a while since the last post and a lot of things have happened. Thanks a lot for everyone’s input, it really helped give insight on my son and I’s behavior and helped when making decisions moving onward.
An important thing to start of with is: We got mature oaks planted! There were 6 of them put in and they look amazing already. They cost a fortune, a crazy fortune. The money my son got from the sandalwood covered around half the price and I coughed up the remaining.
Despite paying for them, they belong to the conservation committee who are, understandably, upset about the previous trees being cut down. The oaks can’t be cut down and they will be coming annually to check on how the trees are doing.
Now onto my son. In my previous post I mentioned that his punishment for cutting down trees purely for money was to use said money for the new trees and formally apologize to conservation committee as well as donate his time to them for a year.
The money has been spent and he apologized. The apology was quite embarrassing. The conservation committee aren’t a joke, they treated him harshly haha. For the past two weeks he has been working alongside them. Planting trees/bushes, landscaping the park, artificial habitats and more. Surprisingly, the committee started liking my son and offered him an official job starting September, which he is taking.
After realizing the reason for my sons misbehavior was mental issues, his punishment for disrespecting my property was changed to agreeing to everything I do regarding him getting help. After seeing a therapist, I was told my son has been silently suffering with a form of trauma for around 8 years.
I only found out after family counseling that the cause of his trauma was from seeing my ex-wife cheating on me and then being manipulated by her for years after. Needless to say, my ex does not live with me anymore. I feel so stupid for not seeing it earlier. I don’t even care about the cheating, but how did I not realise my ex babying my son was just a front?
Anyway, my son is doing slightly better and has picked up swimming again. He’s agreed to a gap year and will be retaking his SAT. He also dropped his friends and took a drug test that showed nothing weird.
It’s too early to be happy but I am. Everyone has been more open since my ex left. My son has made it his goal to get into his dream college for architecture, while my daughter wants to go to a music festival haha.
I don’t think there’s anything left to add. For people wondering, my son made nearly $35,000 from the wood. Thanks again and I hope you have a nice day.
\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_
Below are a few excerpts from the comments that clarify the situation somewhat as the update post itself is a bit confusing:
<OP comment 1>
Yes. According to my son, my ex knew my son was aware of her affair and spent years manipulating him into believing he would ruin everyone’s life if he spoke about it as well as blaming the whole situation on him. On the surface though, she treated him like a spoiled child; buying him things constantly, preventing him from taking responsibilities for his actions etc. She was the first one to say I shouldn’t have kicked my son out over the trees. Hope that clears things up.
\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_
<OP comment 2>
Hey there. I’m not sure if this clears it up, but in the update I just said my ex doesn’t live with us anymore. We aren’t even legally separated yet, let alone divorced. I’m hardly going to be calling the woman my ‘wife’ after everything. Anyway, the house is technically mine, so she’s no longer welcome and I am still talking to lawyers about the situation. Hope that helps
\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_
<from a commenter on the original post, found by u/SnooOranges3690\>
Don't want to jump to conclusions, but something seems off here. I wonder if your wife is so ready to give into him, either because of guilt or because he has something on her for something she did. Possibly an affair or something along those lines. It seems odd that she would continue to coddle him even when their relationship is poor and it's not a express attempt at improving the relationship. Your son may not have told you because he's worried about you getting hurt if you find out, but would explain his change in behaviour and resentment of his mother.
I would try to talk to your son and re-examine your wife's actions the past few years to see if any of the pieces fit.
I hope I'm wrong, but if I happen to be right, you deserve to know the truth.
\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_
ETA: comments from original and update posts. | ryoryo72 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/p4n09m/son_cuts_down_v_expensive_trees_gets_kicked_out/ | p4n09m | 7,115 | 674 | [
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2021-08-15T05:26:02 | My (31M), wife (29F) recently ran into her ex-boyfriend from high school and it's making me insecure. + UPDATE | Relationship_Advice | [ORIGINAL](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/oldc3b/my_31m_wife_29f_recently_ran_into_her_exboyfriend/) by u/ThrowRA12082010
tldr; My (31M), wife (29F) recently ran into her ex-boyfriend from high school and it's making me insecure.
For context, my wife and I have known each other since middle school. I was in the grade above her, we lived in the same part of a small-ish town and our families went to the same church, so it's safe to say we were always bumping into each other growing up. We ran in parallel circles but we never really shared the same group of friends.
During my sophomore and junior year of highschool, we would talk sometimes (I would drive her home every once in a while) and I could tell that she had a small crush on me but I mostly ignored it.
During her junior (and my senior) year, she started dating the ex this post is about. He was pretty much the opposite of what anyone would have expected her to date at that point and her personality did a complete 180 pretty soon after they started dating. She stopped hanging out with her old friends, became more outspoken and ended up skipping her junior prom.
I left for college, on the other side of the country and came back the next summer to find out that he had broken up with her a couple of weeks before graduation and skipped town after, leaving her devastated. I bumped into her at the local ice-cream parlour where she was working over the summer for some extra money for college and we hungout almost every day after that.
She never really talked about her ex and I figured she was mostly over him. About two weeks after we first started hanging out, we made out, for the first time, in the backseat of my car. It ended with her crying and apologizing because she wasn't over her ex. She said that she was still in love with him and didn't think she would ever get over him. At that point I realized that I was already falling for her and agreed to be just friends. We spent the entire summer together, with me slowly falling in love with her.
Our colleges ended up being pretty close to each other so we would hang out pretty often (we also spent Thanksgiving together). I was pretty sure we would end up together when we went back that winter but she got a letter from him, explaining everything but with no return address, causing her to spiral again.
We ended up getting together the next summer and got married almost three years ago. It was going really well until she ran to get milk about three weeks ago and bumped into him, completely out of the blue, across the country from our hometown, in our neighborhood.
Apparently, he got his life together after leaving his deadbeat dad, went to college and is now a journalist.
My wife currently stays home with our 6 month old, while I work a pretty time intensive job. She's been spending a lot of time with him lately and I don't know what to do. Every time she mentions him or things they did I can't help but feel extremely jealous and insecure, like she still prefers him to me. From whatever little she has told me about their relationship, I know he's the complete opposite of me and that's what attracted her to him. What should I do?
Edit
I'd like to add that:
The child is definitely mine, she was conceived during the lockdown and neither of us were really leaving the house without the other.
The ex boyfriend showing up was definitely a coincidence- a very specific one but very plausible given the circumstances.
A lot of you seem to be under the impression that my wife is hiding this from me. She is not- everything I know about them is because she told me. I've also met the ex a couple of times, although not for very long.
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/p4hz2d/update_my_31m_wife_29f_recently_ran_into_her/)
It's been a while since I made the post but I figured I'd update you guys on this anyway, in case someone was still interested.
I ended up burying my feelings again and decided to carry on with my life as if nothing had happened- talking about it to a couple of people on here had really helped me pull myself together, at least for the time being.
I did end up going to the park with her and the friend for a bit once and sort of watched their dynamic for a bit. Everything seemed normal- she mostly spent time with the baby and he was just sort of there, keeping her company.
Things had mostly gone back to normal when she called me at work and asked me to come home early. She'd never done this before and sounded pretty shaky so I left almost immediately.
I got home to find her having a breakdown in the apartment, while one of her old friends, from her old job was there with the baby.
Apparently, this guy had confessed his feelings feelings to her. He'd said that he had loved her since they first started seeing each other but had never felt like he was good enough and now, because he had made something of himself he finally felt worthy. He also said that he wasn't planning on saying anything originally but had decided to because he felt that I was very detached (which was because of my anxiety).
He had been offered a really good job abroad, which he was willing to turn down for her. She promptly told him to fuck off but ended up having a breakdown because she realized that she had essentially lost touch with most of her friends, didn't really enjoy spending time with the women in her mommy group and had noticed that I was being a bit distant.
We had a really long talk that day and I also showed her the post I'd made as well as some of the chats I'd had with someone here (which add way more context). She was very understanding and called me silly for not just talking to her (I agree). So we've basically decided that I should cut back a bit on my work hours and she's going to try to reconnect with her friends a bit more.
Currently, we're back in our hometown so we can see our families again and they can meet the baby for the first time. My wife's doing much better and she's already reconnected with a couple of her old friends.
tldr; We're good. | red_earaches | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/p4nn3d/my_31m_wife_29f_recently_ran_into_her_exboyfriend/ | p4nn3d | 6,125 | 1,106 | [
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2021-08-16T05:41:18 | My (23F) boyfriend (25M) and his family are angry because I wouldn't shave my head for his sister who has cancer. | Relationships | Posted in r/relationships
Link: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3cfcsg/my_23f_boyfriend_25m_and_his_family_are_angry/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Hi Relationships, I'll try to keep this short and blunt. Please don't judge before you've read the entire thing, I promise I'm not as awful as I sound in the title.
I've been with Matthew for 3 years now, and we have a perfect relationship. I know everyone says that, but it really is true. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I've only met his family a few times because they live pretty far away and my boyfriend had a huge falling out with his father a couple of years ago. They've since patched things up, but it's still not the same as it was. Matthew is not particularly close to his sister because she's 12 years younger than him and he doesn't see her that often. Of course he still loves and adores her, but they're not a very close family. Jessica has cancer and as a result has lost all of her hair. Matthew was devastated, obviously, and has been going to visit her more often. I have only seen her a few times since, because of work commitments. I have been down twice alone (without Matthew) to visit her in hospital. She’s a lovely young girl and I’m devastated for her and their family.
Jessica is home at the moment and Matthew's mum called last Friday and asked if we could go over there. Upon arrival Matthew's mum whipped out a pair of scissors and shavers and said that the whole family was shaving their heads for Jessica. My job is modelling. I have very thick, natural auburn hair that reaches my waist. It's one of the reasons that I'm fairly successful. It's one of the reasons I can afford to pay the bills. I couldn’t model without my hair. So I respectfully and politely declined, telling them that it would be detrimental to my career. I don’t have two jobs, I don’t have a back-up, this is my job. It’s my money maker. If I couldn’t model, I don’t know what I would do.
Matthew immediately got angry, insisting that this is more important, and while I agree that sentimentally and emotionally this is far more important, I cannot afford to lose my hair. I have to think logically about this otherwise I won’t have a roof over my head. Matthew’s mum was very upset, and proceeded to tell Jessica that I wouldn’t shave my hair because I am vain. I apologised to Jessica and explained my reasoning, and I went home. I have barely spoken to Matthew since it happened as he says he ‘needs space to consider if he wants to be in this relationship.’ I told him that I would do anything other than shave my head. I'll do a charity run, I'll raise tons of money, whatever I can possibly do, instead of shaving my head, but he won't listen. All he says is 'how can you put your looks and vanity over my cancer ridden sister'.
Did I do the wrong thing?
tl;dr my career is modelling and part of my success is due to my hair. My boyfriends younger sister has cancer so the family shaved their heads in support of her. I declined, and now everyone hates me.
edit: a few people have asked so I'll copy+paste this from one of my replies: Matthew told me that Jessica is very upset and has told all of their family repeatedly that she hates me for having long hair and refusing to shave it for her. She's only 13 years old though, I have a feeling that the family are perhaps poisoning her view and of course she's going to be having a difficult time as it is. I can't hold any grudges against a young girl being in such an awful situation.
Edit 2: I'm completely overwhelmed by the support here, so thank you a lot. I have read every comment and most of them are very helpful and make me feel a lot better. I am going to give it another few days and then I am going to speak with Matthew and his mum and Jessica. I'll be sure to post an update soon. Thank you again.
*Edit 3: gosh I hate threads with a ton of updates when there's no real update but I feel the need to defend Matthew's family a little. They're not crazy people. They've always been absolutely lovely and kind and welcoming towards me. They were a normal, happy family before this happened. Their youngest member of the family, the innocent, sweet, vulnerable girl is dying and there's nothing they can do about it other than try to make her happy. Of course their view is clouded, of course they're not being rational. Matthew's mum has quit her job to spend more time with Jessica, they've spent every penny they have on gifts for her. I don't think they're crazy or bad people. They're in a world of hell and the only thing that makes it better is putting a smile on Jessica's face and me shaving my head would have done that. If they don't come to terms with it and start thinking clearly soon, then I will agree with everyone and I will call them crazy and run for the hills, but at the moment, I'm trying to be as supportive as I can to my boyfriend and his family whose hearts are all broken. Put yourselves in their shoes.*
Recovered update from: https://www.reddit.com/r/undelete/comments/3dbgnn/323968363_update_my_23f_boyfriend_25m_and_his/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf
Update:
Sorry it’s taken a while for me to update, I've been really busy and didn't want to post until it was resolved.
I got so many helpful and positive comments on my last post, so thank you so much for that. I kept a lot of the comments in mind when I spoke to Matthew and his family.
Matthew contacted me saying that he had seen my reddit thread, I'm not sure how. He said that he was really sorry and that a lot of the commenters were right. He said that his view was clouded and he wasn't thinking properly. We spoke for hours and I forgave him. I told him that I accepted his apology and that in the future, if there’s a crisis, he has to try to be calmer and more reasonable. He agreed, and he’s also agreed that him and his mum need some kind of counselling because they’re obviously really struggling. So that was out of the way. We are still taking it slow.
He wanted to speak to his family on behalf of me but I requested that it was me that spoke to them, so I went over there and spoke to his mum and his auntie whilst Jessica wasn’t home. I wore my hair plaited under a hat out of respect (thank you to the redditer who suggested that). As soon as I arrived, his mum (Kat) told me that she didn't want to argue, and that she didn't feel she needed to hear my explanation. She said in almost these words: ‘This isn't something that I can be rational about, I hope you can understand that. My world revolves around that girl and I just want to make her happy. I’m sorry I expected too much from you, but I just want to let this go now. You’re obviously a wonderful girlfriend to Matthew and I hope that you can be a part of our family, but until Jessica is better I’d prefer it if you could not be around her. I'm sorry if that’s rude but she’s really self-conscious about her appearance and she hates being around such a young, healthy, beautiful girl with a full head of hair.’ I still wanted to explain my side of the story but she kinda cut me off a bit and pretty much said ‘yeah I'm being ridiculous and I don’t want to listen to reason because all I care about is seeing a smile on Jessica’s face’, so I just apologised for upsetting Jessica, accepted Kat’s apology and left. It wasn't really the discussion I’d hoped to have but it was better than nothing.
I also spoke to my agency about the situation and asked how they would feel about me cutting my hair. I knew they'd say no, but I wanted to ask anyway. They did say no, but said that they would like to help in some way. I pulled a few strings, and managed to arrange a photoshoot for myself, Jessica and my niece (actually a friend’s daughter but she calls me auntie). Matthew has told me before that Jessica is struggling to maintain friendships because she’s constantly in and out of the hospital, and most of her friends are a bit wary of being around now. My ‘niece’ is only a year younger than her and I think they'd get along so I thought it would be really nice and helpful for Jessica. I bought her a wig (similar looking to my own hair), and I went shopping and bought her a ton of makeup too. Emptied the bank a little bit but it’s better than shaving my head and not working for 5 years! I called Kat again and asked if it was okay for me to come round. She declined at first but Matthew spoke to her and she eventually agreed. I arrived wearing a bald cap (a few shades darker than my own skin) and Jessica found it hilarious. I spoke to her and told her that I was really upset that she had told Matthew that she hated me. She said sorry and told me that she was just jealous and upset. I told her about the photoshoot and she was incredibly excited, gave me a hug and wouldn't stop thanking me. We're going to have a makeover first and then we're going to have several pictures with Jessica wearing a wig, and several of us being bald because I want her to feel beautiful either way. It might be possible for me to share these photos with reddit but I have a feeling they would go viral and I do not want my boyfriend or his family to be identified, particularly as a lot of people seem to think they're crazy and awful people. There are a lot of trolls online and I don't think the family could handle any kind of backlash.
So I think it's kinda resolved for now. Jessica is happy, Matthew is happier, and Kat is at least accepting of the situation. I could have broken up with Matthew and walked away from this situation, and where would that gotten me? Jessica would still be upset, Kat would still be angry, and I wouldn't have my supportive, beautiful and amazing boyfriend in my life. I wouldn't stand for this again, but in the 3 amazing years of us being together, this is the only time he has faulted, and it was for an understandable reason.
Also, people kept saying ‘this is how Matthew and his family deal with tragedy! he’ll do this again!’ But I don’t think these people understand that this is not just a tragedy. There is not much that can compare to losing a young sweet daughter/sister to cancer. I’ve been with Matthew for 3 years, and in that 3 years we have dealt with tragedies (his good friend committed suicide) and stressful situations (he almost lost his job) and he has never acted like this before because this is MORE than a tragedy. This is heartbreak and hell. I want to finish with two quotes that I read on reddit recently:
‘Years of love have been forgot, In the hatred of a minute.’
and
‘“We judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their behaviour.”
tldr; matthew apologised and we are okay, matthew's mother is kinda okay with me, myself, jessica and my niece are doing a photoshoot together.
edit: I am absolutely blown away by the amount of support! thank you so so so much to everybody that has made a kind comment, also everybody who has shared their own stories. I've been crying off and on all day! Happy tears mostly :)
also there were a couple of slightly rude comments because I said that I didn't know how Matthew found my post. He doesn't reddit, he barely even spends any time on his PC at all (and never mine). Not many people know about the in's and out's of the situation and I changed some small details to attempt to make it a bit less obvious (I'm terrified of being identified!) So yeah it was kind of surprising that he found the thread. I haven't had a chance to ask him yet but I guess a friend must have sent it to him? Either way, it's not that important to me.
thanks again everybody, and let's pray that I can make another update soon saying Jessica has miraculously recovered! :) | wynonajim | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/p59xhg/my_23f_boyfriend_25m_and_his_family_are_angry/ | p59xhg | 11,775 | 885 | [
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2021-08-16T05:56:30 | OP asks if she is AITA for asking her son to research about endometriosis (Happy update) | AITA | [deleted] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/p5a41x/op_asks_if_she_is_aita_for_asking_her_son_to/ | p5a41x | 9 | 714 | [
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2021-08-16T09:24:40 | My mom just ate my fucking edible. | r/weed | *I'm not the original poster and do not need advice. This was originally posted on r/weed. All updates were edited in the thread.*
__________________
[Posting](https://np.reddit.com/r/weed/comments/a476kb/my_mom_just_ate_my_fucking_edible/)
This is not a fucking drill!
So I was unpacking my thing in my room and I had my two weed cookies on top of my clothes in a Saran Wrap in my luggage so I had to take them out to get to my clothes. I put them on my bed and went to the bathroom. I’m such a fucking idiot.
So she has this tendency to just eat people’s food is she sees it laying around which pisses off my dad and I. Like I didn’t think she would come in my room. I was freaking out when I heard her come in and was like “Gosh did you have to bring home your whole closet?”
I didn’t want to bring attention to the edibles since it was going to be suspicious so I just hoped she would notice it.
Then I heard her say “Aww you brought me cookies?”
And I was like “No, sorry. They’re for me.” And she started getting offended for no reason and was like “You always have to be so selfish.” and blah blah blah lol.
I didn’t want to press it to much because I didn’t want her to think something was up with them and I was worried.
Now I’m fucking screwed. Im just going to pretend like I don’t know what’s going on with her when it kicks in. I’ll say something like “Maybe you’re medication is acting up again.”. But I’m kind of scared because she literally never smoked or consumed weed except for that so-called time in college but I doubt she inhaled lol.
She’s going to freaking the fuck out.
I’m just mad that she ate that shit and now I only have one left to enjoy... I had a dream this shit would happen.
I’ll update in like an hour.
I’m soooooo scared. She’s gonna be so fried. I only eat like a quarter and I smoke every day. Imagine her on a whole one and there was more than a gram in that cookie.... omfg. Fuck my life....
Update:
Okay so she’s literally normal. People keep asking what’s happening and... nothing is happening. I guess since she ate dinner it’s taking a while but I’m gonna say in the next 20 minutes she gonna feel it. I’ve been just casually peaking downstairs to check in on her. I do not want to be around when it hits tbh but I know I have to be since my dad is gonna be so confused lmao.
Meanwhile I’m smoking a roach in my bathroom lmaooo.
UPDATE
Yooooo. She’s tweakinnnn.
I’m just laying in bed and I hear “Jesus Christ! Jesus Christ! Jesus! Lawd have mercy! God help me!”
Yoooo helppppo
UPDATE
I’m laughing my fucking ass offffff I went downstairs and my dad is literally trying to hold her up bro. AHHHHHHH. Yo she’s gonee. She’s like “Me gettin heart palpations. Lawd help me.”” 😂😂😂😂
Her eyes are red as shit oh my fuck
UPDATE
She’s find rn. She’s laying on the couch and quieted down. I think she’s going to just fall asleep. I gave her tea per her request and she not asking for food which is surprising.
I’m playing Elvis music for her lmao and she’s loving it. 😂😂😂😂😂
UPDATE
She finally went up to her bed and let me help her up. Literally when her head hit that pillow she knocked the fuck out.
We’re all going bed now. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring but yeah. Thanks for still around guys. I’ll update tomorrow (today).
And also thanks for all the likes. This shit blew up lmaoo.
UPDATE (NEXT MORNING 7:16 am)
I woke up early cause I just do that shit and my dad is up I think but I haven’t heard my mom. She’s usually up at like 6.
I’m guessing she’s still tired from it but I’m getting up to check on her. I feel like like my dad is gonna be pissed. Then again he doesn’t really know about weed edibles or anything.
A lot of fucking people are saying that I poisoned my mom. I did not poison my mom. You’re insane for saying that. These are EDIBLES not fucking arsenic. She ate them herself after I told her not to. READ THE POST. She was just high as hell but mellowed out after like an hour and a half. My family and I calmed her down and made her comfortable and she went to bed close to 1 am.
I would never poison my mom. So people accusing me of that are ridiculous. My mom is fine and alive.
Lastly, I’m tired of people assuming my race and gender lmao. Maybe the majority of the people in this subreddit are white males but I’m a Black female. Okay? Lol. I’m her daughter.
My parents are Jamaican but no they’re not one of those “One love. One heart. Let’s smoke together and feel alright.” type Jamaicans. So that’s why telling them about the edible is probably the worst thing to do.
I’m not a terrible person. Accidents happen. I’m not the first person whose parent has eaten their edible. This is why you don’t eat people’s food after they tell you not to. Alright? Geez. (Now people are going to think I’m an asshole for saying that.)
UPDATE (7:50 AM)
My mom is finally awake and she looks GONE. Like her eyes are droopy. However she getting suspicious.
“I think who ever made those cookies needs to learn to bake.” Baaaahh
No, because you got baked af last night... I’ll stop.
I don’t know how she still woke up early but I can tell she still feels it. She’s just confused and saying weird things. She’s also really uncoordinated and irritated.
I’m debating if I should just tell her but I don’t want to give her a bad image of weed. The other day we were literally talking about the benefits of it and now she’s going to think it’s a terrible drug... know her she’ll think they were laced with some hard drug like coke or something.
She’ll never forget this though...
UPDATE (9:13 AM)
BROOO MY FUCKING BROTHER.
Okay so basically my brother started playing Broccoli by DRAM and my mom was like “Why you have to play something so vulgar.” and my brother was like “Mom, listen to the song. I think you can relate a little.” And she was still confused and I was trying to eye my brother like “Don’t tell her!”
Then he fucking says “You ate ate an edible.”
My mom: “What’s an edible?”
My brother: “It’s like weed made into food and you ate a whole one last night.”
I hate this motherfucker brooooo.
She’s so pissed now. We had this whole ass argument while my brother thinks it’s funny.
This man stays getting me in trouble. Omfggggg.
LAST UPDATE (11:56 AM)
So she’s sober now as far as I know. She’s still very pissed after finding out. I lied and said I threw the other one away (wondering why she didn’t ask for proof).
Her exact words when my brother told her it was an edible we’re. “Ya better be lyin’, ya see! If that cookie had drugs it- Jesus, Lawd...”😩🍪
My brother: “It just had weed.”😆🍁
My mom: “People ah smoke weed an’ demma eat deh something too? Mm mm. No. What if me was dead? Eh? Suppose me have a heart attack?”😡🇯🇲
Me: “No one has died from weed.” 😂
My mom: “You look here, likkle girl 👧🏽. Me nah listen to any of ya foolishness. Ya bring that somethin in me house again and you gon see what’s in store fah you!!” 😡😡
Bruh. I had to write it exactly how she said it or else it isn’t as accurate nor funny. So she basically just yelled at me and threaten me. Lol. I honestly don’t give a fuck. 😈Probably gonna smoke in this house and bring weed cause ya girl needs her weed so. 🤷🏽♀️
By the end of the day, she’ll cool down and one day we’ll all laugh about this. Don’t leave your freaking edibles out kids! Some of you White people are lucky. Your mom would probably be like “You ought to not let this happen again, Christopher. You’re grounded for two days. This is a warning.”. Lol joking... don’t get offended lmao.
Alright, I’m done lol.
UPDATE (9:03 PM)
So I ate a quarter of the edible that was left and brooo. That shit kicked me in the ass in just 40 minutes. I’m so high.... I almost forgot to post this
______________
*I'm still not the original poster. Please don't message me about this.* | Schattenspringer | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/p5clig/my_mom_just_ate_my_fucking_edible/ | p5clig | 7,845 | 897 | [
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2021-08-18T02:22:41 | My sister and mother demand I watch my sister's new baby 3/7 days a week. + UPDATES | r/entitledparents | [FIRST](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/o96tfj/my_sister_and_mother_demand_i_watch_the_new_baby/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) by u/Satanfister0218
My (25f) younger sister (21f) is pretty pregnant. for the last few weeks she has been demanding that my so(27m) and I babysit her new born every weekend, friday morning-sunday evening, so she and her so(21m) can have some cool off time from being parents, to not over stress.
Each time, I have laughed at her and shut it down with a quick "nope, I won't be." And she gets mad I'm "not helping her out."
Yesterday, she got our mother involved. Mom called me and asked why I was being "a self-centred bitch, and so selfish, she didn't raise me this way" I told her I was a grown ass woman, with my own house and life, and that if I wanted to watch kids as a 2nd job, I'd fucking have some." She sputtered out something about me being a horrible person and hung up on me.
My so and my one aunt 100% is with me, however my mom, dad, and the other 900 family members and friends they got involved are calling me out on Facebook, and blowing up my phone.
Quick edit for a few of the same comments coming up.
my mom knows the full story of what my sister is asking, she essentially did the same thing with me, when I was a bit older. She sees no issues with my sister getting this as well.
I have never had a good relationship with my family besides 16f, aunt, and grandparents. I talk to mom, sister, dad maybe twice a month.
[SECOND](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/oxw572/update_refusing_to_babysit_my_sisters_newborn_37/)
Hey, everyone, thank you so much for the support on my last post, thought I'd share an update and answer some questions now that the baby is here.
A lot of comments mentioned that our mother and sister probably spun some sort of tail about how I was just refusing to help period, not take over 45% of parenting.. and well no. Those who I spoke to, knew the entire story. They agreed 2 21 year olds need a break from parenting, our mom did it with me.. why shouldn't sister get the same courtesy.
Whenever family/friends message me about babysitting, or give me shit about it my favourite response has been, "you're right, I am selfish/irresponsible/whatever, and probably not fit to take the baby this weekend, but I can be sure to let sister know you've volunteered your time this week to help her out.
Funny enough, everyone seems to have some generic excuse as to why they can't or won't. "I worked all week, it's my wind down time." "Not my child, not my responsibility."(but somehow it's mine?) And my all time favourite response "It is YOUR responsibility as the oldest to ensure your siblings don't make mistakes, and if they do you take responsibility and don't let them ruin their lives over it, they're still kids who need to have fun. You had your turn."... People of AITA & EntitledParents.. please take a moment and reread that last response. What would your reaction or response be?
Baby has been here just under 2 weeks now and:
My sister, her SO, and our mother have left multiple messages and voicemails about when they will drop baby off, their expectations for when I have baby, routines, etc. Besides a quick "Not watching your baby this weekend." I have not answered or responded about it.
My SO and I took some advice and invested in a doorbell camera and a few others around the house, and as most of you called it.. my mother and sister attempted to drop baby off at my doorstep, 6 days after it was born.. knocked and tried to run. I spoke through the doorbell and told them they have exactly 2 minutes to pick baby back up, or I was calling CPS for abandonment.
My youngest sister (16f) called me about an hour afterwards explaining our mother had attempted to leave the baby with her as well, but it only earned mom a dirty look, while youngest sister simply stepped over the carrier and walked out of the house. She has been staying with us since.
SO and I have spoken to younger sister, to see how she would feel, and we have a meeting with a lawyer to see if we have any ground to stand on for sister to come and live with us permanently, as our parents are threatening to call the police on my SO and I for kidnapping/holding youngest sister as a hostage.
Oh, before I forget this level of beautiful petty.. our aunt (the only one who has supported us) surprised youngest sister, SO and i, and took us out to her cabin for the weekend.. where youngest sister posted pictures, and tagged our mother, sister, and her SO.. "Man, such an AMAZING weekend, sure wish you guys were free to join, 😏😁."
Edit: a few commenters mentioned wanting to know more about the door bell reaction so: Neither of them knew about the door bell, it was a mix of shocked Pikachu and some kinda ragey racoon faces that they didn't just get away with it. My mother started to argue, but I cut her off by starting to count down. My sister quickly picked up the baby and they both left without another word.
[THIRD](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/p6fhtr/update_wouldnt_take_sisters_baby_37_days_a_week/)
Hi everyone! I'm sorry, I've been meaning to do a final update on this whole situation, (with sister's permission as this one is mostly an update on her.)
My SO, younger sister and I met with a lawyer just before the weekend and....
My parents have no ground to stand on, Sister is in the middle of enrolling in a high school in my city to start for September!
Our mother left a voicemail and a text message to both of us. Mine saying "I hope you're happy. You've destroyed (21f/21m) lives by not taking the baby, and you've gone ahead and brainwashed (16f) into hating us." She then proceeded to let me know that I've been completely disowned and I'm not welcome to ever contact them again, and that I wouldn't be seeing a dime from them. I'm not sure where she could have gotten that idea.. considering I've been living out of her house and self supporting since I was 16.
Sister's message said essentially the same thing. She's been disowned and is no longer welcome to go to them for help.
She's always kind of had the same no bullshit attitude as me, but I think this is the first time I've genuinely seen her let go and relax in a long time. We had a long conversation about what our mother messaged us, and in the beginning sister was kind of upset, but after reassuring her she will ALWAYS have SO and I, and aunt. She looks free. I'm excited to watch her grow, and get to support her on all the ways she wouldn't have gotten from our parents.
As for baby, CPS, other sister..
I've been in contact with baby daddy's parents, recently, (sister, baby, baby daddy are living in their basement) Laid out everything that happened, showed them messages, door bell video etc, they were shocked, and last I heard were making plans to try and adopt baby and finding their legal footing as well, they've asked if they can come to us for help as we have more proof to help them, so absolutely will be providing anything they could need.
So, thank you Reddit, for all the advice and support.
If you happen to have any tips on what else I can do to help 16f sister, I'll take all the advice I can. I want to be the best I can for her. | red_earaches | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/p6i3qi/my_sister_and_mother_demand_i_watch_my_sisters/ | p6i3qi | 7,311 | 2,032 | [
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2021-08-18T05:44:50 | A School District in Oregon Bans BLM and Pride Flags. Neighbors Fight Back With the Help of Fellow Redditors. | r/portland | [deleted] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/p6l3sp/a_school_district_in_oregon_bans_blm_and_pride/ | p6l3sp | 9 | 73 | [
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2021-08-18T08:48:59 | TIFU by telling a girl on a first date that i work with deaf children and know sign language | TIFU | Original poster u/Jayeezus
[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/d1hq6y/tifu_by_telling_a_girl_on_a_first_date_that_i/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
So first of all i’ll start off with a little context… I don’t usually do formal first dates, especially when its with somebody i barely even know. However, i’ve just come back to University for my final year of studying and i met up with my old flat mate from last year. She had already moved into her new flat and met all of her new flat mates, one of which happened to be a very attractive girl who we will call Stacey. Now my old flat mate was always trying to set me up on dates last year at University, but i always had an excuse. Now with it being a new year i thought ill have a fresh start and really knuckle down and stop going out all the time (i said exactly the same after my 1st year) and focus on my Uni work and look for a serious relationship instead of having flings.
So i get shown a few pictures of Stacey and my old flat mate is telling me how nice she seems and how great she is and honestly i just thought why not, i may as well, what harm could going on a date possibly bring about? So she gives me Staceys number and we start to text and chat for a couple of weeks and we seem to be getting along really well. So much so that i suggest we should go for some food one evening to meet in person and get to know one another a little better. Now bearing in mind i never ever do this, i usually just speak to girls on nights out when i'm filled to the brim with liquid confidence and i’m usually so drunk that my confidence is through the roof. However i feel myself really starting to like this girl, i’ve never really been one for texting but our conversation seemed to flow naturally.
So i meet Stacey at this very busy restaurant last week, i’m full of nerves but i’m ready for the date. We get sat down and we begin chatting away and things seem to be going really well. Im still nervous but after a few pints the nerves start to settle and i get a bit carried away telling my stories and my somewhat crude jokes. At the best of times i’m a very loud person, however, after a few beers i turn into a human fog horn and unbeknownst to me, i’m speaking at a level high enough for the whole room to hear. I know this because all of my friends love to remind me how loud i am when we’re on a night out. Now here comes the fuck up.
So being full of my favourite ale and with the nerves starting to settle, i’m growing louder and louder by the minute. So much so that Stacey, very politely i must say, lets me know that i need to turn the volume down just a tad (especially when telling my alcohol fuelled jokes). Now i’m not an angry person by any means, but i can’t begin to count the amount of times I've been told to quieten down when drunk, and for some reason i decided this night was the night where i’d have enough. So instead of apologising like any normal person would, drunk me decided it would be a good idea to try and turn it back on Stacey. I don’t know what come over me but the only excuse i could muster was “Well i do apologise but, you see, i volunteer working with deaf children so i’m used to having to speak really loudly, i’ve actually just come from there before our date”.
Now if you knew me you would realise how ridiculous this sounds. Once i told my friends and my old flat mate about what i had said they were falling to the floor with laughter. So far it doesn’t seem that bad, until Stacey says something along the lines of “wow, i’m really sorry, that is great, you must know sign language then?”. Drunk me thinking i’d got one up on her proceeded to nod and claim that i do in fact know sign language, i think i even threw up a few fake hand signs which probably looked more like gang signs to cover my tracks. However, what i didn’t expect was for Stacey to have a younger deaf brother who would apparently LOVE to meet me as she’s never dated a guy before who can do sign language!
Honestly my heart sank, she was sat across the table from me signing something to me and god knows what she was saying. I just smiled and nodded and to this day i still don’t know what she was saying but my unenthusiastic smile and nod seemed to work. I quickly moved the conversation along and got swiftly off the subject. So now Stacey thinks i know sign language and what’s even better is that she can’t wait for me to meet her younger brother who would be so excited to be able to sign with a guy she’s dating!
Ive tried Youtube videos but all i’ve managed to pick up on is being able to say vowels and ask someones name. I don’t have the balls to tell her and i really don’t know what to do. Im seeing her again next week and i know i need to tell her the truth, she seems the sort of person who would just laugh it off but she seemed so happy when i told her and she’s even suggesting we Face Time her brother when we’re next together so i can have a conversation with him. I just feel like a dick now and i don’t want to let her down or upset her younger brother, but i don’t think asking him his name over and over is going to cut it.
TL;DR Im a loud idiot when i’ve had a drink and instead of apologising about being such on a first date with a girl, i tried to cover it up by claiming i work with deaf children and know sign language. Turned out she has a younger deaf brother who she now wants me to meet and speak to using sign language. I don’t have the first clue about how to sign and i don’t have the balls to tell her the truth because i don’t want hurt her or her brothers feelings.
Edit
WOW i didn’t expect this to blow up as much as it did, i’ve just woke up now and had a chance to read through all of your comments, thank you for the platinum and what not, I just want to clear up a few things i’ve read.
thanks for all your concern regarding me possibly be a high functioning douche bag alcoholic. first of all when i say really loud, i’m not a boisterous loud, all attention to my please sort of loud, i just speak really loud when i’m drunk enough for other people to hear, it’s because i get overly excited and it was a mix of that and the nerves which made me start talking over excitedly and get carried away with the volume. also i’ve seen a few comments about the lying. i know it wasn’t right but that’s why i tried to stress i never do anything like this, me and in person first dates just don’t mix. My nerves just got the better of me and i’m an anxious person at the best of times, i knew right away that coming clean would have been the best thing to do but i’m so awkward that i just didn’t know what to say or do and i just wanted to move on the conversation as quickly as possible. I said it in the first place intending it to be a light hearted joke (clearly i’m not funny), i wasn’t actually going to roll with the lie that i work with deaf kids. However the last thing i expected was for her to come back with that and it just completely threw me off. I’m seeing her again next weekend so i’ll be sure to update you all on how this turns out, thank you for all the advice and the genuine concern a lot of you have, and especially to all of you who have helped me see the funnier side of this situation.
[Update (1 year later)](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/p6ella/tifu_by_telling_a_girl_on_a_first_date_that_i/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
so here it finally goes… First of all i can’t believe i’m finally at a point in my recovery that i can bring myself to even write this. Before anything i want to apologise to the whole reddit community for leaving you all in the dark for this long. Even to this day i get countless messages asking about what happened after and so many strangers showing me genuine care and concern.
I feel as though a small disclaimer is needed before i begin, for a lot of you this won’t be the hilarious follow up story you were expecting and i apologise for that. But the reason it’s been over a year since i’ve revisited this topic is due to the monumental impact it has had on my life.
When i posted my story i never imagined the response it would get, and while many of you saw the funny side like i did, an equal amount of responses focused on my erratic and obnoxious behaviour while intoxicated. And that point there is where this story of self realisation and recovery begins.
When i first woke up to see the overwhelming response my post got i was laughing along with the comments and taking some solace is sharing my fuck up with the world. However as i delved deeper down the comments i started to notice more and more of you all pointing out my worrying drunken behaviour.
I have to admit at first i was taken aback by the comments and honestly felt a bit hurt. That’s just me? i told myself. It’s only because i was drunk? Having one of your most embarrassing moments hit the front page of the internet and then thousands of people make judgement on your actions is just as horrifying as it sounds. But do you know what else it was? An absolute blessing in disguise that changed my life forever.
It wasn’t until i read how all of you viewed my drunken behaviour that i realised how toxic it was. At that point in my life i had only been surrounded by people at University who shared the same behaviours as me and until i shared that fuck up with the world i never truly understood how ill i really was.
ill may not seem like the best word to use, but it is. It was an illness, alcoholism is an illness and it’s something i have battled over this past year and i still battle today.
But this post is a thank you. Thank you to the people who pointed out my destructive behaviour. Thank you to the countless number of you who messaged me privately to offer guidance and support. And thank you to everyone who shared their own battles against alcohol with me.
It’s over a year ago now and i have come so far. The biggest battle was accepting i have a problem and i genuinely believe if it wasn’t for how big my post got that i would never have realised how lost i really was.
It’s over a year now and i’m doing good, i haven’t drank in so long now i’ve lost count of the days. Life is good. I’ve learnt to deal with my anxiety in other healthier ways.
And finally the part you’re all really here for, Stacey. As most of you guessed, Stacey knew exactly what was going on from the start. My uninspired improvised attempts at sign language were quite obviously not sufficient in convincing a woman who has grown up with a younger deaf brother, that i do infact know sign language.
Thankfully Stacey was extremely understanding and after i showed her the popularity of that post she let me off the hook. Honestly i have Stacey to thank for so much as she has been truly understanding and supportive throughout all of this.
I’m writing this now over 1 year sober and you’ll be glad to know after a year long battle and self acceptance me and Stacey did end up hitting it off and i’m now someone who actually knows quite a bit of sign language! (more than before).
So here’s the update guys, probably not what any of you were expecting but it’s a thank you. Thank you for opening me eyes and thank you Stacey for giving your time to a lost idiot like me.
TL;DR - My fuck up making the front page of reddit helped me to realise i had an alcohol problem. | ellebeam | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/p6na9k/tifu_by_telling_a_girl_on_a_first_date_that_i/ | p6na9k | 11,389 | 687 | [
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2021-08-18T14:03:57 | AITA for asking my boyfriend to charge his family member for fraud? | AITA | &#x200B;
[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o7nzcm/aita_for_asking_my_boyfriend_to_charge_his_family/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) by u/thr0w4w4ylife
Throw away account. Backstory, I (27F) and my boyfriend (34M) have been together 5 years and have worked really hard to save for a house. 2 weeks ago we fell in love with a house and we put down an initial deposit to hold the property. (The house won’t be built until end of 2022) We have been in talks with a mortgage broker and the builders finance people. Last week we received some shocking news when my boyfriends credit score came back as being bad. There was activity on the statement that was 100% not his and a credit card that has gone into default over the last 6 months. This credit card was originally my boyfriends but he swears he closed the account and cancelled the card mid 2019. Long story short we discovered that a family member that was living with him a few years ago has gotten ahold of the card at some point and has been using the card on and off since 2019. They defaulted on payments in early 2020 but payed this off, then defaulted again in December of last year and the account is still in default and over $5000 is owed in charges and late fees. Charges for shopping, news agency, take away food and pubs (gambling)
My boyfriend has had zero knowledge of this as he hasn’t had access to the account after he “closed” it, and hasn’t been receiving statements or notices from the bank, the family member has diverted these to their address. We’re now unable to successfully apply for a bank loan for our house as they won’t lend to my boyfriend with his credit the way it is. Our options are to
1. Proceed with fraud investigations and charges in the family member allowing us to prove this is of no fault of my boyfriends and successfully secure the loan. Or
2. Boyfriend pays the debt and we wait at least 2 years from the pay off date for his credit to regain some loss. Option 2 sets us back at lease 3 years in starting a family and our lives as home owners. This will also not allow my boyfriend to secure a bank loan to start up his own business he’s been dreaming of starting for a few years, this was the year he planned on. This has devastated us and put a massive delay in our plans.
My boyfriend doesn’t like conflict and is going with option 2. He isn’t even planning on mentioning anything to the family member. He wants it to all go away and thinks this family member is going through a rough time. I want my boyfriend to proceed with fraud charges and investigation. We have worked too hard to not have our dream house and him owning his own business. So AITA for pushing my opinion on my boyfriend?
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p6pptw/update_aita_for_asking_my_boyfriend_to_charge_his/) (2 months later)
Update: I want to begin by thanking everyone for their advice on my original post. There were some really constructive strategies and words of advice.
I spoke with my boyfriend about my concerns and was honest with him that things he was telling me didn’t all make sense. He was adamant he didn’t know anything about the credit card or the apparent enquiries on his credit account about pay day loans. My boyfriend is still refusing to open any fraud investigations against his family member and has said he will pay off the debt himself. But.. Some other things came out during our conversation that he was hiding from me. Lying has been a big issue of his during our whole relationship. In the past I have forgiven him for his lies but I can’t keep forgiving the same issue every few months when he promises to change, but we’re in the same spot every few months. (And I’m not talking little lies, I’m talking big lies and even bigger lies to cover up those lies) - I know I’m stupid for giving him the benefit of the doubt -
So in saying this ….
My boyfriend is now my ex boyfriend.
When I spoke with my boyfriend about my concerns *above* he ended up picking up his bag and walking out on me and drove away. That was the last time I seen him in person. This is how this man delt with an issue in our 5 year relationship. We haven’t spoke much since but I have definitely resigned to the fact my relationship is over. I think he is expecting me to forgive him like all the previous times. I have packed up his stuff and will return to him after my city comes out of our 6th lockdown.
There is a good ending to this story tho.
I spoke with my mortgage broker and the housing developers. I can’t afford the original townhouse I fell in love with alone but a smaller townhouse that I also loved came available and I’ve been approved for this one. I paid my deposit 3 days before my birthday last month!! I bought a house by my self!!
TLDR: I broke up with my lying boyfriend of 5 years and celebrated by buying my own house! | qwerty98765432101 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/p6rsov/aita_for_asking_my_boyfriend_to_charge_his_family/ | p6rsov | 4,931 | 1,564 | [
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2021-08-18T16:17:26 | TIFU by Redditing on the toilet. | TIFU | *I'm not the original author. This was posted on r/tifu. All updates were in the same thread.*
[**Original**](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/2gpraf/tifu_by_redditing_on_the_toilet/)
Reddit, I love you and all, but you made me fuck up bad. I've been a lurker for quite some time, but I've got nothing else to do and I figured this story was too good to pass up.
The story:
I work in an older office building, and occasionally have to answer the calls of mother nature. Pooing at work wasn't great until to weeks ago when I finally got a smartphone. I started browsing Reddit on the can as soon as I got it, and at work I retreat to the hidden restroom stall in my building to do the deed. It's private there and I've spent upwards of 20 mins redditing when I was supposed to be working.
Today was a little different. The last few nights I've been caught up in watching Scrubs on Netflix and haven't gotten much sleep. So today when I went for my "End of Shift Poo" I drowsed off a little while redditing. I finally woke up when a janitor (custodian or whatever is PC) came in to "clean." He knocked on the door and asked if anyone was still in here. Of course, too embarrassed to say I had been sleeping on the toilet for hours, I quietly hid in my stall. He immediately left without cleaning the place, I guess because it didn't have much traffic. I waited about five minutes to leave, got up, washed my hands, and tried to leave.
To my surprise, the door was locked. Apparently since my office building is really old and the bathroom I'm in wasn't always a bathroom the door had a lock on it that has to be locked daily. I've tried everything, I'm on T-mobile so as you can imagine, there's no service. I've sent out some emails to my boss and maintenance ... but who checks their email after work anyway.
So now all I have is Reddit to entertain me until someone unlocks the door.
EDIT 1: I appreciate people trying to help. As you can imagine I don't want to many people to know about this so I'd like to avoid the fire dept or police. I also know I'll be free tomorrow so its not like its a big rush.
Also, I don't have the phone number of any one with access so that's out. I don't want the police or anyone involved.
EDIT 2: I'm going to try making calls see where it gets me. I'll call the building, maybe some coworkers.
EDIT 3: I'm working on 26% battery, I charged it before I left my desk. I'm fighting with imgur on my phone but I promise pics ASAP. I'm working on plans for sleeping. I've got some snacks in my bag.
Here's the lock. Pretty standard stuff: http://i.imgur.com/zr0klKp.jpg?1
The view from my throne(I'm still not comfortable with an open stall door):
http://i.imgur.com/PBgwcmc.jpg
Hopefully the last edit: I finally called the building. I had to call 6 times before a security guard picked up. He's on his way. Thanks everyone for the support!
UPDATE: Finally got out. The security guard was not as happy to see me as was him. He escorted me out of the building and I'm GOING THE FUCK HOME. I might do an AMA to explain everything if people are really that interested. I can't imagine they will be. So goodnight Reddit, thanks for being here with me. Maybe I won't have to work tomorrow.
*I'm still not the original author. Please don't message me about this.* | Schattenspringer | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/p6ugo1/tifu_by_redditing_on_the_toilet/ | p6ugo1 | 3,311 | 296 | [
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2021-08-19T14:18:39 | Who could possibly have spare keys to my house? | RBI | *I'm not the original author. This was posted in r/RBI*
___
[**Original Posting**
](https://www.reddit.com/r/RBI/comments/ohlf7l/who_could_possibly_have_spare_keys_to_my_house/)
Hello, would just like to mention that I’m posting this from my side account.
I’ll try to keep it as short as possible.
I moved into my first house in February, I’m mortgaging it. Living in the UK.
A couple months after moving in, I would pick up on odd things, for example the doormat being halfway across the entry hallway after I came home, or misplaced items such as the TV remote, the garage remote, my Vape going missing after I left it on charge before heading to work (I still haven’t found it to this day.)
That’s not all, at first I was worried that I may be having memory issues, until I noticed more obvious signs, like food being eaten that was left on the counter tops, or my bed pillows being indented as if someone lay on it and the rug under my bed being 1/3 folded over.
Most recently, and what made me order security cameras, was when I was sick and off work, and I can swear to you, when I was in the kitchen, I heard the door knob jiggle and the rattle of keys. This was a couple days ago.
I have bought some inconspicuous looking cameras online, but I don’t know what to do from here? I’m scared of catching someone wandering around my house, what do I do if I catch someone? I’m seriously dreading it.
Any advice welcome, even some reassurance honestly, I don’t have many friends or family, so I feel a bit alone in all this. It’s all a bit shit at the moment.
Also forgot to add, I did call a non emergency line after I heard what sounded like someone trying to come into the house when I was off sick.
They didn’t help much, and asked if I have camera footage of someone trying to get in, but I didn’t. Especially since nothing was stolen or damaged, there wasn’t much of a case. I did request to put in a statement and that was it.
Just an edit: Hello again! Thank you everyone for all the advice, my cameras have arrived and I will be putting them up with the help of a friend later. I’ve called the local locksmith and have an appointment with him to change my locks this afternoon. I will update you all if anything else comes from this.
___
[**First Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/RBI/comments/okthhe/update_someone_has_spare_keys_to_my_house/)
Hi,
Thank you for everyone’s help on my previous post.
After installing new cameras on Sunday, along with getting my front and back locks changed, I felt nervous but secure.
Monday afternoon I checked the footage and found nothing amiss, however on Tuesday afternoon, I did catch a man trying to get in through my front door. When he realised he couldn’t get in, he tried the back door, which I stupidly left unlocked. I didn’t think anyone would climb the fence and the hedging to get through, but it’s clear it wasn’t his first time.
He went inside, sat on the sofa, my bed, ate some food I left out. He definitely did not look homeless. And I’ve never seen him before.
The footage was sent to the police, and they’re trying to locate the man, they even put out a Facebook post on the police stations profile with screenshots, saying they want to speak with this man. I was told they’re going to try to hang around my home for the next few days, and if they see him try to enter again, he’ll be arrested.
So I’m staying with my mum now, as I can’t shake this dread that this man has been letting himself into my home, for however long, I don’t think I want to live there anymore in all honesty.
___
[**Final Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/RBI/comments/p71r4x/update_to_anyone_that_remembers_my_post_about/)
Not too long after my previous update post, my ex reached out to me.
I tried to contact him a few days prior, messaged him a couple times on WhatsApp but he ignored the messages (though he was online, multiple times.) I wanted to ask him if he ever made spare keys to my home before we separated, and I explained my current situation as a reason to why I’d be asking this.
He sent me back a message, nearly a week later, asking to meet up. He wanted me to come to his home, but due to some previous events that led to us separating, I said I’d feel more comfortable in a public place.
When we met, I asked him again about the keys, he quite plainly replied that yes, he did make a spare before he gave me my key back, but has claimed that it was a while before we separated and said that he had ‘lost them’ some time ago anyway.
My ex is not a very good liar, and in all honesty, I don’t understand why he even asked to meet me in person, because once his eyes started darting around, I knew he was lying to me.
I pressed him some more, and showed him the Facebook post from the police’s page. He looked at the CCTV screenshots of the man for a few minutes, I also showed him the actual footage I had of the man coming in and out.
After a few minutes of silence, and what I assume was him weighing his options, he told me that he believed the man in the footage and screenshots was his uncle.
I had to press a lot to get anything else out of him, he eventually showed me a picture of his dad and uncle- and I can safely say that is most definitely the uncle that was coming into my home.
I asked my ex how the uncle got my keys, along with other questions, which he wouldn’t answer a lot of them, and just kept repeating ‘I don’t know, I don’t know.’ Shortly after that, he got up and left.
He wouldn’t answer any messages or calls I made in the following days. I asked him if he’d be willing to speak to the police and tell them about his uncle, but he has not been cooperative at all, he wants nothing to do with this.
I have spoken to the police since, and told them what my ex told me, however they would need him to willingly give a statement himself, which he refuses to do.
The little I did find out, was that his uncle is homeless, so I don’t even know how they’d go about finding him.
My ex has not spoken to me since the last time we met, he clearly doesn’t want anything to do with this situation, his uncle has not yet been located anywhere, either. He’s not been back since and the cameras have not spotted him for nearly a month now.
I am back at my home now, and have had a security alarm system installed, my mum has been staying with me, and using this time as an excuse to redo my back garden.
I genuinely don’t know what to think at this point, I’m just happy he’s not been back since, but I am increasingly frustrated with my ex that he won’t speak to the police, because they can’t do much without his statement identifying that he knows the man in the footage, it also doesn’t help that the uncle is homeless and doesn’t have an address or job to his name.
___
*Please remember, I'm not the original author.* | Schattenspringer | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/p7fqkr/who_could_possibly_have_spare_keys_to_my_house/ | p7fqkr | 6,838 | 767 | [
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2021-08-19T16:06:15 | OP Questions if her Child-Free Brother wants her around as she is not Child-Free. Ends up being "tested" | Relationship_Advice | Original Post: [I (25f) feel like my brother (27m) doesn't want me around any more due to his child-free wedding. Should I bring this up? : relationship\_advice (reddit.com)](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/p5pl2x/i_25f_feel_like_my_brother_27m_doesnt_want_me/)
My brother and I have always had a rocky relationship. Like any set of siblings, there have always been peaks and valleys and a lot of complicated emotions that go with being close relations and growing up together. The major issue that my brother and I have, and by major I don't mean biggest, I mean the one that comes up repeatedly, is kids. I have them, he hates them. Recently we had a conversation where I basically said that I know he doesn't like kids, but I need him to at least pretend to tolerate mine (7m and 7m(onths)f) because I love him and I want a relationship with him, but I don't think we can have that if he continues acting the way he's acting now. He agreed to at least try with my kids, and I thought it was settled, but now I've been invited to his child-free wedding that's in another country. Because it's in another country, I cannot go, because I have young kids, one of whom is an infant, to think about. I don't think he made this choice solely because of me, and I don't want to be a sister-zilla about his wedding, and I would never dream of bringing my kids to his wedding because I respect that it's child-free, but it still kind of feels like a snub. I don't know if I should address it, try and resolve it, or just take the hint and leave him to it. It just sucks because I love my brother, I'm just not feeling the love back.
Edit because I have had to clarify this way more times than I should have: I would never, under any circumstances, bring my kids to a child-free wedding. I know what child-free means. My advice request is about whether I should address my feelings about it with him, because to me, having a conversation with him about needing him to tolerate my kids, followed by him booking a child-free wedding in a child-free resort in another country knowing I wouldn't be able to attend, feels like he's made his choice about my relationship with him, and I don't know if I should address that aspect explicitly. I would never in a million years try and get him to change his mind about the child-free wedding itself, this is about our relationship.
&#x200B;
Update: [Update I (25f) feel like my brother (27m) doesn't want me around any more due to his child-free wedding. Should I bring this up? : relationship\_advice (reddit.com)](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/p716pf/update_i_25f_feel_like_my_brother_27m_doesnt_want/)
I would like to reiterate before the debate restarts here: **I never wanted to bring my kids to the wedding**. My problem was that I couldn't come because of how he arranged things, as if my kids could be in the hotel room, but not the event, I could easily have attended. For a while I have felt that my brother doesn't want a relationship with me because I have children, and this felt like one more reason to believe that. While I knew and repeatedly stated that **I don't think he planned his wedding to exclude me**, and that **I wanted advice on if I should talk to my brother about how I was feeling about our broader relationship**, the wedding just happened to be the most recent thing I could identify as a time my brother made me feel this way, but in retrospect I should not have focused so much on the wedding because that seems to be where things got confused on [my first post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/p5pl2x/i_25f_feel_like_my_brother_27m_doesnt_want_me/).
After reading the comments I decided not to bring my feelings up with my brother. I simply RSVP'd no. I then messaged my brother directly saying I couldn't make it. I said I can't work it around the kids, but I would send dad to the wedding with a card and gift from me, assuming I didn't see my brother before then, and we (me, my brother, his wife, my boyfriend) could get dinner or drinks when they're free after the wedding. My brother flipped the fuck out. Called me, ranting and raving about how I couldn't be arsed to come because I valued my kids over him, and how he knew I would do this, so this seems to have been less of an invite and more of a test. He then insulted my kids and me before saying that if I won't make the necessary arrangements to come to his wedding, then clearly our relationship didn't have anywhere to go from here. So at least I know where I stand with him now. | embinksyy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/p7htcu/op_questions_if_her_childfree_brother_wants_her/ | p7htcu | 4,602 | 854 | [
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2021-08-19T20:09:34 | "I (29M) found out my brother's wife's son is mine (not in the way you think but I still need advice)" + update | Relationship_Advice | *I am not OP, this a repost*
[**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ojjqke/i_29m_found_out_my_brothers_wifes_son_is_mine_not/)
Gonna say that there was absolutely no cheating involved at all. What happened was before my brother (27m) and his wife (28f)met. My brother and I are half siblings btw, We have the same mom just different dads so obviously our last names are different. First did community college after highschool graduation. In my 2nd year I met “Ally” (brother’s wife). She was the roommate of one of my friend’s girlfriend so we met a couple times. We hooked up at her place once and kept it going for a few months. It wasn’t anything serious just a short fling. Then after I basically dropped off the face of the earth for a while when my dad passed away. Literally I took off and went into full on drifter having an existential crisis for a while.
No contact with anyone when I dropped from my classes. For some years after that my brother and me didn’t have much contact except birthdays and stuff while I got my life together. We didn’t have much before but this was even less. Found out he got married a couple years ago. With covid last year we started trying to have better contact and be in eachother’s lives. That involved meeting his wife, and I find out it’s Ally, they became friends after he went to the same community college I did and that’s where they got to know eachother. Ally found out I was his brother only a few months ago after he showed her a recent picture of me when we were first communicating. But she waited on telling him because she needed to talk to me first. She was trying to find me for months after I left asking friends around because she found out she was pregnant and I was the father. She showed me pictures of my son and just that she tried hard to tell me because I had a right to know . But since I was gone she couldn’t find any way to reach out. It made me feel some kind of way looking at him but I wanted a paternity test just to be completely sure he’s actually mine. Ally was completely cool about that she understood why since it was long time ago and we were both dumb college kids. Well we did the test and I’m the father . I have got a kid I didn’t know about because I left his pregnant 19 yr old mom to take care of him on her own. Man and then my brother doesn’t even know about this. I’m not sure how I would react honestly. This situation is completely fucked, I don’t even know what to tell him. Or how to prepare for how he’ll react. She thinks we should tell him together and get the whole truth out. Ally’s scared to tell him too. My son was 4 when they met but she never told my brother much about who the father was. Scared about losing my brother, scared that I’m a father and have a son.
Don’t know how it’ll work becoming involved in my son’s life because I definitely plan to. And how that would affect their marriage. Is there really any good way to talk to my brother about it? At least in a way where it doesn’t hurt our relationship too badly or their marriage?
[**Recovered Update**](https://www.removeddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/p6ziku/update_i_29m_found_out_my_brothers_wifes_son_is/)
Kind of got busy so didn’t have the time to post until now. I’ve read all your comments in my last post. Meant a lot to have that support and I decided to follow some of your advice. For starters on the not being present when Ally told my brother the truth. You’re right that’s for them to talk between eachother and not my business to be there when she broke the news. He went directly to my house after to ask me if it’s true. Don’t know everything she told him but still said my part of how it all happened. Obviously it was super overwhelming for him. I couldn’t tell how much of it was confusion or just pissed off. My brother didn’t even say anything when he left. Only thing he said was he needed time away. Ally said he wasn’t at their place either. That same week they called me to come over and the 3 of us had a long talk. There was the chance to apologize for not telling him sooner before getting a paternity test.
My brother asked me what my plans are now that I know I’m my son’s father. If that means I’d like to be involved. I told him yes. Even if he doesn’t know me he’s my son and if he’d want that I’d like to get to know him, whatever time they are comfortable letting him spend with me. We agreed to set something up between me and him. They were planning on telling him that night and then they got back to me. Kid was curious about meeting me so we did it that weekend. At the last minute my brother opted out of being at the house when it happened. I’ll be honest. It was super awkward. I tried hard not to go in with any expectations but part of you wants it to go well you know? It was crazy seeing him regardless you know part of me still didn’t wanna believe he’s really my kid.
He’s extremely extroverted though which was a nice surprise, but the complete opposite of me. I’m the nervous one 😅 and he’s over here asking me if I’ve already watched F9 or what games do I like to play. Overall it went well. Second meeting much more comfortable. I took him out for a ride so we could hit the pier since he says that’s where he loves to go. It was a really great time. With my son we’re slowly getting to be more comfortable. He never knew anything about his dad so he asks me lots of stuff whenever we hang out . Honestly he’s such a smart kid. The more I like him the more it makes me sad we couldn’t do this before. I’ve seen him several times already, getting along great so far so I’m hopeful for what that’ll mean in the future.
As for things with my brother well it’s still not so good . He’s not around on days I come over or when I’m gonna pick my son up. We haven’t talked much but it’s tense when we do. He’s not mad or me. Doesn’t blame me either because none of us ever had a clue about this connection. Still it’s a lot for all of us to get used to. My brother’s still different with me, and he doesn’t want to know about how my meetings go with my son.
Things kind of took a not so good turn with them too. Don’t know the full thing only what he’s told me and I don’t ask Ally. All I know is she’s asked him for some time out of the house so they can have some space away. No idea if that means there’s been fighting or what but he says they’re hitting a rough patch and he’s not sure about where that’s gonna go. I don’t either but it hasn’t been that long since this all came out so it’ll be a while before things settle. It sucks and wish it didn’t have to happen. For now I’m keeping my focus on my son and let them handle their personal business. | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/p7ml06/i_29m_found_out_my_brothers_wifes_son_is_mine_not/ | p7ml06 | 6,726 | 453 | [
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2021-08-19T20:18:02 | I told my (35f) husband (37f) that we should get a divorce so he can marry his late wife tombstone + UPDATE | Relationship_Advice | [ORIGINAL](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/p5jvv3/i_told_my_35f_husband_37f_that_we_should_get_a/) by u/JelousOfLateWifeTA
I (35f) married my husband (37m) 10 years ago. Prior to our relationship, he had been married for two years to L (22f). Sadly, she passed away because of on-going health issues. I met my husband 5 years after her passing. At the beginning of our relationship, I had some issues with his romantic history. To put it bluntly, I was having trouble accepting my husband’s past, and that he did not stop loving his late wife but was forced to do so. I went to therapy for a year to treat that, and I manage to overcome this issue. My husband knows this and was very supporting of me and the treatment. I now like to say that L and I would have been best friends.
The issue: after ten years of marriage, we have been having a lot of arguments, derived for bad communication. We just seem to blow off t everything out of proportion. About three months ago, every time we have an argument, he takes the car and goes away for hours. When I asked where he went, he told me that he “went to see her” (L). Now, this is very weird from him, because he, at best, visits L´s grave three times a year. I then asked him to not run away every time we fight, and to please tell me when he goes to the cemetery so we can go together. He just brushed me off.
He has been doing this for months now, and it is destroying me. The feelings I fought the first year of our relationship are coming back, I am sad all the time, I cry at night. But my husband just keeps going away for hours. At this point, I think he is doing it out of spite more than anything else. Yesterday, I reached my limit. We fought over freaking trash, that´s how petty our arguments are. He took the car at 4 pm, returned at 11 pm. I was waiting for him at the dinning room. The combo went like this:
Me: Where were you?
HB: I visited her again.
Me: I´ve told you multiple times about how your actions hurt me, and you continue to do them.
HB: You can´t stop me from going.
Me: Well, we can get a divorce. That way, you can marry L´s tombstone, being that you care more about it that our marriage.
I could see the shock in his face when I said that. I apologized immediately, but I think he did not hear me. I saw how he started crying. He has been locked in his office since yesterday and refuses to get out.
I feel like the biggest AH ever. What I said was a low blow and something horrible. I attacked him where I knew he was going to hurt. But, at the same time, a part of me thinks that what he is feeling right now is just a fraction of what he has put me through for months. I literally made a vow to L the day I got engaged, I told her “You can take care of him from Heaven, and I will take care of him here on Earth”. I broke that vow.
Is there anyway I can salvage this relationship?
Edit: A redditor told me to put this in the post. Three months ago we found out that I am pregnant, after 8 years of trying. He has been visibly stressed out and reactive since the discovery, even tho we both wished for a baby.
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/p7j5nc/update_to_i_told_my_35f_husband_37f_that_we/)
Hello, everyone. My previous post was locked and removed, but I still wanted to update for everyone who kindly commented and left advice under the post.
Before the update, I wanted to clarify something. I was only “jealous” of L in the first year of our relationship. But as I said, I worked through it in therapy. Through out my relationship with my husband, I´ve hosted dinners in her honor, ordered embellishments for her grave, pushed my husband to reconnect with his former in-laws, and I even placed her in my altar of Día de Muertos alongside my family members. I consider her a friend, even if I never met her.
The update: We agreed on temporary separation, since we still don´t now how are we going to co-parent and stuff like that.
Shortly after my post, he came out of his office. I made us both dinner, and we talked (for what it feels the first time in months). First, I apologized but what I said, but I told him that the point still stands. I then asked him if he truly goes and sits at her grave for hours. He said that he does not.
Turns out, that he sits at her grave for an hour at max, and then goes on a tour around the city visiting their favorite places. He goes to restaurants and asks for her favorite dishes, drives around her favorite spots in the city. I then asked her why? Why was he doing it NOW, that we found out I was pregnant after so much trying? He said that he could not avoid thinking about what it would have been to raise a child with L, and about how many things he missed experiencing with her. He did say that he did not regret our relationship, which makes it better, I guess.
I also asked him if I failed him in any way? Was I a bad wife, a bad friend? Did a fail to fulfill his needs? He said that I “just wasn´t her”. Honestly, I think I'd rather have someone punch me than him telling me that. Finally, I asked him when is he starting therapy? He responded that very soon because he wanted to be a good father. I said “fine, because I don’t want someone around my child, who grieves an imaginary child and an imaginary life, when he has a living and breathing family.”
That´s all, I think. He moved out to his parents house the same night. Her mother did call me to tell me that she and my FIL chewed him out for what he did, I thanked them, and told them that I am still very interested in them having a relation with my child, and they should not pay for their son´s mistake. I also visited L. I apologized for breaking my vow, but that I hope that she is able to watch over husband, and to help him through out his therapy.
I want to thank everyone who helped me realize my mistakes, and how I was neglecting myself. You were all very helpful, and I owe you all a lot.
[UPDATE 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/tn2beh/my_36f_stbx_husband_38m_has_changed_and_asked_me/)
Hello. It's me. Again. Since my last post a lot has happened. I gave birth to my son a bit over a month ago. He is the most beautiful baby ever. I love him more than anything. I've also been going to therapy and it has been great. Overall, life is kinda dreamy right now, doesn’t seem real.
Anyways, since everyone here was so helpful last time, I figured I would ask you for advice in this situation.
After our separation, my husband started therapy. He was diagnosed with depression and is on meds. He also started to attend a grief support group. Since all of this happened, he's changed so much, is like he's a different person.
During all of my pregnancy, he's been so supportive, helpful and respectful of my boundaries. He is also very apologetic and has asked for forgiveness for everything that he put me through this last year (like, he made a list of every way he failed me and apologized for each one of those things).
I've also attended various of his therapy sessions, apart from marital counseling. That helped me understand the inmense grief he's been carrying, apart from his own mental health issues, and how all of it became exacerbated with the arrival of our baby.
The last 3 months of my pregnancy were pretty bad. The doctor adviced me to move as little as possible. My husband offered to be my "live-in nurse", and I accepted. So we have been living together for the past 4 months (of course we don't sleep in the same room or anything like that).
He's been so great with me. We’ve had so many amazing conversations, and we just work wonderful together. I feel like I regained my husband, that the person I married is here again.
After putting the baby to sleep yesterday, we had a conversation. He told me that he thinks he is ready to rekindle our relationship and asked me for a second chance. He told me that he will do anything he can to be deserving of a second chance.
I honestly don’t know what to do. Like, this past year I watched him try to better himself, and succeed at it, he’s also been so kind to me and is great with our son. But I also know that he is in a pretty vulnerable state right now, and I really don’t know if I would be able to pick up our relationship where it ended.
I don’t know what to do. Should I give it a try?
TLDR: My stbx husband has changed. He asked me for a second chance, but I don’t know what to do given how our relationship ended. What do I do? | red_earaches | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/p7mqyg/i_told_my_35f_husband_37f_that_we_should_get_a/ | p7mqyg | 8,527 | 2,224 | [
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2021-08-20T02:20:53 | My (36m) wife (33f) was sued, I'm feeling resentment towards her and I don't know how to move past it +UPDATE | Relationship_Advice | Link to original:
https://old.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/bb6tv5/my_36m_wife_33f_was_sued_im_feeling_resentment/
FWIW This is not a post asking for any legal or financial advice, we already have a lawyer and have help financially. No offense to reddit, but I’d rather not get any legal advice from a forum, but I’m okay getting relationship advice it seems.
As the title states my wife was recently sued, she lost and we had to pay. The money is a significant amount for us, we didn’t have much in savings or our emergency fund to begin with, and both of those accounts are now empty.
My currently problem is trying to move past the resentment and anger I’m feeling towards my wife. Until now I’ve always felt like we were a partnership in our marriage. But, since I’m the breadwinner I can’t help but to feel like I’m spending "my" money on something that isn’t my fault. I’ve had no problem paying the mortgage, and taking care of various financial burdens that come with being a married homeowner. However, I have been the only one to put money aside in our savings and other accounts to prepare for an emergency - like a totaled car, someone loses their job, medical bills, or an act of god… not a stupid lawsuit where I know my wife is guilty. She has a part time job and doesn’t make much money, but pays for smaller things when she can (like groceries and some random bills), but she does take care of a lot of cooking, cleaning and caring for our pets.
What did my wife do? (Note: I had no idea this was going on while it was happening).
She used linkedin to find her former ex best friend, she ended up creating a realistic looking fake linkedin profile with a vague occupation of ‘recruiter’. My wife ended up sending this ex-best friend, "Laura" a few messages pretending to be a recruiter in her line of work. Laura finally responded thinking that this recruiter was real, my wife wanted her phone number but Laura gave her a personal email address instead. My wife created a second fake linkedin profile and started to send messages to people with similar titles as Laura at her company. These messages said derogatory things about Laura, a mixture of truthful things but embarrassing and just fabricated bullshit to make Laura look bad. Her manager got one of these messages that claimed that Laura was a heavy drug user. Laura's manager talked to her about these messages and he felt like the messages were bizarre and seemed like someone was trying to troll or harass Laura. Well, Laura team had her back and helped her saved these messages. Not only that, but Laura requested that she be drug tested anyway, to provide further evidence that she was clean. My wife didn’t know this at this point, but Laura was pregnant. Several of her coworkers, including her manager testified on Laura behalf.
Using the personal email address she got from the fake recruiter profile, she was able to find a few social media platforms Laura was on and was able to figure out her husbands name. She did some more internet sleuthing and found Laura's husband on facebook. Laura's husband didn’t have much on his facebook profile, but you could see his business email address on it. My wife sent him an email claiming that Laura was cheating on him. The husband confronted Laura about this email and Laura encouraged him to keep responding to this person, and save the messages, as well as to start asking specific questions about this supposed affair. My wife thought she was being clever and ended up telling the husband that Laura was cheating on him during the work week, she even gave him specific dates. What she didn’t realize was Laura had something turned on in google maps where it keeps years worth of historical gps data. Some of the dates my wife gave him also happened to be days where they both worked from home together. She also ended up giving him dates during a time they were on vacation together. Laura had her husband keep responding as much as possible to my wife and to backup all correspondence.
My wife was able to find out when and where the baby shower was going to be. One of Laura friends had created a public registry for her and had the invitation online. My wife decided to show up unannounced (the baby shower took place in a semi-public place, they had rented out an area connected to the public business.) She did not make herself known immediately. Instead she looked for patrons that were entering and exiting the rented out room. She was able to get the attention of a few guests that had never met her and tried to gossip about Laura - my wife was telling people that Laura didn’t actually know who the father was, among other things. This was at an event where her husband was at as well. The word got back around to Laura and she spotted my wife and apparently immediately put together all the pieces of what happened.
I’m leaving a fair amount of information out - My wife was able to find phone numbers, social media accounts and email for other people in Laura circle and sent them messages about Laura on multiple occasions. All the messages were trying to paint Laura in an extremely derogatory light. All the events I’ve mentioned so far took place over a year or so. My wife didn’t think to mask her IP address, so it was pretty easy to find out that all of these made up messages came from the same IP address, ours. Many of Laura's friends and family testified on her behalf, Laura had everyone saved as much digital evidence as possible - and it was a lot.
Laura and her husband hired a lawyer and decided to sue to my wife. They had ample evidence against her. All the saved messages, close friends and even her manager spoke on her behalf, she showed that she went to see a therapist once all the harassment started because she was depressed and anxious, she showed that she and her husband went to counseling after the accusations of her cheating. She even went above and beyond and had more drug tests done to show she was clean and my wife’s accusations were 100% false, and even had a paternity test done to show that my wife was again wrong and chose to lie.
I honestly felt awful for Laura, there were lots of tears on her end. You could tell how much emotional stress she had gone through. She said that being pregnant during the majority of this was absolutely horrific and was worried the stress and anxiety would somehow hurt her baby. She was pained that her one and only baby shower was ruined by my wife and that was something that could never be truly repaid or made up for. And that my wife’s harassment continued even after Laura gave birth and was trying to manage a newborn child.
My wife has never done anything this crazy before. I knew she could be a little petty and jealous of others, especially people she use to be friends with in the past, but it was only talk - no action. We’ve had a very happy marriage otherwise, we rarely fight, have a lot in common, we have a lot of fun together. But, she really fucked up this time. I don’t know how to move forward. I know someone is going to suggest therapy, but I really want to start building up an emergency fund again. We’re pretty screwed financially for awhile.
**tl;dr** Wife was sued by her former best friend, I emptied out all of our savings and sold a few things to pay for everything. I need help managing my resentment towards my wife and to move past this. Funds are low and we can't afford therapy right now. What can we do to move forward?
______________________________
Link to update : https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/bcfee8/update_my_36m_wife_33f_was_sued_im_feeling/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
__________________________
[Update] My (36m) wife (33f) was sued, I'm feeling resentment towards her and I don't know how to move past it.
Link to original:
https://old.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/bb6tv5/my_36m_wife_33f_was_sued_im_feeling_resentment/
**Note - Please don't make a comment that is hateful and derogatory towards my wife. My post last time was locked because of this and I wasn't able to respond. I'm posting this at work, and I only have a few pockets of time throughout the day where I can respond.**
By the time I was able to respond to my first post, it became locked. I read everyone's replies and thank you to those who responded with good advice. I got a lot of DM's and I wasn't able to respond to everyone, but I did read your messages. However, I did not appreciate the many comments that simply insulted my wife, I know she fucked up and I'm still very angry at her, but I want to believe she can heal and become a better a person.
Also, some of the DM's I got were extremely weird & hateful towards women in general, like stuff you see on the incel tears sub - y'all need more help than me and my wife.
There were some common questions I wanted to address to provide additional clarification.
* How did she avoid jail?
I only mentioned the civil case since I felt it was the most appropriate to write about because I was originally angry about our financial situation. There was also a criminal case. Our lawyer thought she would originally have to go to jail for 3 months. However, we were able to get her punishment to be community service instead. She has A LOT of community service hours to fill within a year, she will also be getting visits from a PO. Laura and her husband did file restraining orders against her, I honestly can't blame them for that. It helped my wife that she had a clean record and has family that works in law enforcement. I want her to finish those community service hours first before we talk about her working more hours to help pay me back.
* Why did she do this to Laura?
That is a good question. I asked her this multiple times over the past several months to try to understand what this woman did to my wife. She would tell me that Laura deserved everything horrible thing that my wife did to her, that Laura was a shitty person, a narcissist, a liar, and just overall a scumbag. But she never really gave specific examples. I've been pressing her for more info, and when she told me some specifics it made me feel sick to my stomach, not because of what Laura did but because how far my wife decided to go due to some petty things that happened in their friendship. Their friendship ended about 8-9 (they had been friends since early in high school) years ago and it was over a man they had both briefly dated. My wife dated "Matt" for a few months, she broke up with him because she thought that Matt had feelings for Laura. Laura said she didn't want to date Matt because he had dated my wife. My wife decided to "test" her friend Laura's loyalty, and told Laura she had her blessing to date Matt. Laura and Matt ended up dating for a few months, my wife stuck around while they were dating and once they broke up my wife told Laura that she had failed a loyalty test. They fought, and ultimately it was Laura who decided to end the friendship. (Note: In case it's not clear, Laura's current husband is NOT Matt.)
Secondly, I was able to get some information from her about what inspired her to do this since their friendship had ended so long ago. My wife said she happened to see (by chance, not by stalking) Laura at a restaurant about ~1.5-2 years ago, and it looked like Laura had lost a lot of weight and was fit. My wife and I are both fairly overweight, and apparently Laura use to be overweight too. My wife admitted that she felt angry that Laura had lost a lot of weight while she had never been able to. My wife was also insulting Laura and said that she doesn't make a pretty thin person and that her new muscular body was too masculine. She also insulted Laura's husband's looks and physique as well. I saw both Laura and her husband in person on multiple occasions - they both look like normal, attractive people who obviously work out. (I could also tell my wife was irritated when she saw Laura at the courthouse the first time, and you could barely tell that Laura had even had baby.) My wife admitted that she just wanted to do some snooping to try to find that Laura wasn't doing well in life, she found the opposite and was jealous of Laura's success. She first found out both of their job titles (they both work at tech companies with some sort of engineering title) and their estimated salaries by using something called Glassdoor, and if that's accurate, then both Laura and her husband make really good money. She also saw a photo on facebook of Laura and her husband standing in front of what appeared to be their very beautiful and large home. She said she was angry because she knew that Laura wasn't deserving of any of this. She proceeded to insult Laura about how she's not that smart, not pretty, not responsible, she claimed that all Laura did through college was do drugs, drink, have sex with anything that had a penis, skip class and failed a lot, my wife said that she's the type who would cheat on her husband, that she's manipulative and is always up to something, etc.
Both Laura and her husband seemed very sad and exhausted throughout the whole ordeal. I never picked up on anything sinister from Laura at all, I felt absolutely awful for her. I felt extreme shame and embarrassment whenever I was in the same room with Laura and her husband. I don't think I was ever able to make direct eye contact with either of them.
So..yeah. I was expecting Laura to have done something truly evil or sinister in the past and that just wasn't the case.
* Does she feel remorseful?
I want to say yes, she does. She has been really depressed since this all finalized. However, I can't help but think she's sad only because she got caught. She hasn't directly said anything that would lead me to believe she is truly remorseful.
She's still angry at Laura for escalating to the point of a criminal and civil case, she feels that Laura overreacted. My wife believes every horrible thing she said about Laura. She's convinced that Laura is some kind of alcoholic/drug addict who cheats on her husband, and is the type to lie and cheat her way to the top of her career. And somehow Laura is able to hide this from everyone in her life. My wife felt like she was trying to "expose" Laura for the monster that she is. She feels that Laura pressing charges and suing her is additional proof that Laura is vindictive.
My hope is that she has time to think while she is doing her community service hours over the next year. I think she feels bad that I had to empty out our accounts and sell some things to come up with the money. I talked to her about working more hours once she has finished community service, and she agreed.
* Are you going to get divorced?
The thought has crossed my mind, but we've been together for so long and I still love her despite this disgusting thing she has done. I can't see my life without her. But, I know (and I'm having a hard time admitting this to myself) that if she doesn't improve or learn a lesson from this mess then I can't be with her anymore. A lot of people mentioned that if she can do this type of thing to an ex-friend, then she can do the same to an ex-husband. This has me worried some, I'd like to believe she wouldn't go nuclear on me if we did file for divorce. I'll be taking precautions in case I have to defend myself in the future.
* Why is she only working part-time?
She is a licensed masseuse and works at a really nice salon/spa. Her hourly wage is pretty high, but she hasn't been able to get the hours she wants at the spa she works at. She could probably get a more full time position at a different spa but with a slightly lower hourly wage, which would still bring in more income than what she is doing now. She really likes the place she is at and doesn't want to leave, but I may pressure her to full time work elsewhere to help pay me back and refill our emergency fund once she is done with community service. At the moment she is onboard with helping me put money back into our savings accounts.
* What about therapy?
I know we need this, both as a couple and as individuals to deal with this mess. I talked to her about this and she doesn't seem totally sold on the idea of therapy. I've expressed that I think it would help both us, and she seems indifferent at this point. I've talked to her parents, who are really angry/disappointed in her, they basically begged me not to leave her over this. I told her parents that I think therapy would help both of us, but I can't afford it now. They offered to pay for couples therapy, but that is as much as they would be able to afford, so it's a start. I know my wife will need individual therapy, and if that means I stop going to couples therapy so she can get the 1 on 1 help she needs, so be it.
I'm not ready to call my wife a psychopath as many of the commenters did the last post. I think she got carried away, and thought she was trying to expose someone she truly believed was a bad person. I'm heavily leaning towards that she has had some sort of mental breakdown and focused all of her energy on this one woman and her life. I'm not going to give up on my wife yet. It's very possible that she has some underlying mental illness that could very well be treated with therapy or meds.
* How much money was she sued for?
I don't want to give specific numbers, but it will take about 4-5 years to get back to where we were prior to this happening. If my wife takes on a full time after she is done with community service and hands over the majority of her paycheck, it may take less than 4 years.
* Are kids involved?
No, we don't have kids and are not planning on having any.
* What next?
That's what I need help with. I've sat down with my wife a few times since the post and I can feel some resistance coming from her about starting couple therapy. I think she's irritated at her parents for offering to pay for therapy for us. She has stated that she would rather us solve our problems together without interference from someone she doesn't know. She's afraid she isn't going to like any therapist we find, and that the therapist will attack her throughout our sessions. I've tried explaining to her that the therapist isn't there to blame anyone, that they would try to help us and that it would be a safe space for her to talk and vent about whatever she needs. I've brought up the idea of therapy every night since the post, and each time she has had an excuse along the lines of - it won't help, the therapist will gang up on her, she isn't going to like the therapist/the therapist won't like her, or that we can solve our own problems at home.
tl;dr : I answered a bunch of questions I wasn't able to get to before my first post was locked. But, I really need help pushing my wife to get therapy, she is resistant and isn't convinced it will help us. | wynonajim | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/p7t3ib/my_36m_wife_33f_was_sued_im_feeling_resentment/ | p7t3ib | 18,998 | 1,098 | [
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2021-08-20T07:44:41 | AITA for not using my inheritance money to help my brother and his family out? | AITA | *I am not the OP, this is a repost.*
[Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p1a156/aita_for_not_using_my_inheritance_money_to_help/)
Hello, this is my first time posting on AITA and English is not my first language so sorry if the format is not right.
Background- Me (19F) and my brother (32M) became orphans 10 years ago due to an accident our parents were in. My parents had always been a bit paranoid when it came to their mortality, so they had a set plan in case they passed. They left a significant amount of money for each of us, and our childhood home was meant to be mine. They specified that we would have access to our share of the will when we turn 18. Since my brother was already old enough, he took his money and cut all contact with me.
I had lived with my grandparents ever since, but last year I finally got my share. I decided to move in to the house, and use the money to pay for my studies. I am in first year of medicine and it is very expensive. I have estimated that when I finish medicine in 5 years, I will have a lot of money left to continue with what I want to specialize in, and have some left.
My grandparents know my plan and offered to help with my living expenses so my inheritance becomes exclusive for my studies until I finish. I accepted and we have been like this for a year.
Now to the issue, my brother and his wife have 3 children from ages 9, 7, and 4. My brother spent his inheritance money on a house, his wedding, cars, and expensive stuff that one doesn‘t really need to live. My SIL is a SAHM, so he was the breadwinner.
My brother recently lost his job so now their family is struggling and they need a place to stay. He contacted me and asked for us to meet up. When I arrived, he and his wife were already sat down on the restaurant.
Long story short, they said that since they were going through hard times, they expected me to hand them over my house, and give them a share of my inheritance so they can get back on their feet. I got pissed off since we have barely talked or visited each other since the accident and they were just demanding me to pay for them.
I told them that I wouldn’t because I already have a plan for the money and I was living on the house. They said I can move back with my grandparents and blew off at me for being selfish.
After arguing I decided to leave but now my cousins are saying I’m an inconsiderate AH and I should help family out.
I really need to know if I’m in the wrong so, AITA?
I would like to add that the main reason I’m questioning my decision is because there is children involved (his kids) and I don’t want to hurt them.
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p7rvqr/update_aita_for_not_using_my_inheritance_money_to/)
A lot has happened since my post so I’ll be updating here. I first told my grandparents everything that happened and they are supporting me.
I told the cousins that were sending me messages to help my brother themselves and they got angrier, so I blocked them. I then invited my brother and his wife to eat and offered them to let them rent 3 rooms in my house, they asked if it was free and I said no, but it would not be expensive. They kept insisting on me handing over my property so I decided to leave.
I had a conversation with my brother and turns out you were right, he doesn’t want a relationship with me. To be honest I am completely heartbroken and angry because I thought things would change.
After that conversation I decided this time I would be the one cutting contact and my grandparents did too.
I don’t know if things are definitely finished now but I surely hope so. Thanks to everyone for the judgment and advice. | mermaidpaint | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/p7xiv7/aita_for_not_using_my_inheritance_money_to_help/ | p7xiv7 | 3,715 | 816 | [
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2021-08-20T14:20:04 | “My left testicle is purple and aches” + update | NoStupidQuestions | Original got deleted, but user posted an [update](https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/comments/p7rc6z/update_on_my_nut/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf):
“Update on my nut
I think it was yesterday when I posted "my left testicle is purple and aches" to here so for those who saw that post just so ya know, I'm having surgery to remove it on Saturday”.
There you have it folks! | HoogerMan | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/p865yd/my_left_testicle_is_purple_and_aches_update/ | p865yd | 423 | 221 | [
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