id int64 1 7.31M | subreddit stringclasses 108 values | comment stringlengths 1 10k ⌀ |
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8,601 | daddit | Your daughter will truly appreciate you for staying by her side. |
8,602 | daddit | Not wife, but same boat, dude. My daughter was 7 months old. That was 3 years ago and my daughter got a bonus sister and a Mom out of the deal, keep your head high, homie! Things get better, if you let them. |
8,603 | daddit | Looks like yall don't need anyone else! Stay strong for that beautiful baby. She needs you, and you need her. It'll get better soon. Take care |
8,604 | daddit | You getting to raise a wonderful daughter is the best blessing. I'm sure it sucks that the mother left you guys, but you still have the most important person in your life. |
8,605 | daddit | OP. In the same boat my man. Two kids my wife ran off with her best friends husband after 12 years of marriage. Shit sucks it hurts, I know. You got this. Keep your head up. |
8,606 | daddit | I'm so sorry man. Your daughter is adorable. Many happy returns to you both |
8,607 | daddit | Keep going man, you got this!! |
8,608 | daddit | You should absolutely shield your little girl from all of this though. You and “mom” might not get along, but your child should absolutely not have to go through it. You best become the worlds greatest actor really fast :P Also her maternal family sound sensical so she should definitely see those as much as possible. |
8,609 | daddit | Bruh. I'm so sorry. You're an inspiration, being strong for your bub. |
8,610 | daddit | Keep your head up buddy. You're daughter will love you more one day than you'll ever be able to imagine. I know your head is not in the right place for this right now either, but I promise you women love a man that is good and takes care of their children. This will make bagging your next woman that much easier lmao |
8,611 | daddit | A woman who leaves her own child is the worst. |
8,612 | daddit | Stay strong, there will be hard moments but never give up. She will grow up to love like and you will be her world and she yours. Ask for help always, never the nk it above your pride. If you have parents nearby, or siblings, get them involved. You will be grumpy, and you will be tired, but you will be a better man for it all. Reach out to neighbors that have kids so you can plan playdates to make it a bit easier for you. If you have questions I am here, just like all these dads. Remember you can do this, and you will be an awesome father to her. |
8,613 | daddit | What a gutless bitch , keep your head up mate, better things to come |
8,614 | daddit | Single dad with custody here. My wife and I divorced when our son was 6 and she chose not to fight for custody so she could leave town and go be with her new boyfriend. She put out much less than the minimum effort to see or communicate with our son over the last 11 years and it had really impacted his life in a negative way, as you can imagine. First let me say, you can do this. I know you have a full range of emotions going on right now but you will continue to amaze yourself at what you're able to do for your daughter. And keep in mind, you don't have to be perfect for her to love and appreciate you. Just be there for her and always keep her best interests in mind. Second, as hard as it may be, if her mother is willing and able to see her and spend quality time with her please allow her every chance to do so as long as the child isn't in any danger. To a young child, the parents are always on a pedestal regardless of how they conduct themselves as adults. So never put the other parent down in front of the child, and never discourage her from spending time with her mom unless it's a wellness or safety issue. If the mom is a bad parent, the child will figure it our once they're old enough to handle it emotionally. That little girl isn't going to know that she's in an irregular parental situation for quite a fews years yet, so you will be her normal. Make it a good normal. Good luck, and just be the best dad you can be, regardless of the situation. |
8,615 | daddit | This happened to me as well 3 years ago. My wife left my son and I in NJ and went to New Mexico to try to start a relationship with someone her friend out there had set her up with. Needless to say it didn’t work out between them and she eventually came back. I was able to secure primary custody but we now split time 50/50 with my son. I really feel it’s in the best interest of my son that he has as much of an equal relationship with both of us and although I was angry and wanted full custody at the time, I also realized taking him away from his mother was not in his long term best interest. Everyone’s situation is different. It’s now been 3 years since the split and 2 since our divorce was finalized and I can say I’m really glad we were able to agree and stick with this. My ex just moved in with her boyfriend last month which ended my alimony early and things are good. My son was 3 when she left so he has really no memory of us ever living together, which I see as a positive. I’ve been loving the father son time when I have him and secretly enjoy the days I don’t have him to get things done (working overtime, yard/house work, dating pre-pandemic, etc). I know it’s hard now but when I look back I’d rather be in the position I’m in now than be in a toxic relationship with a child in the house. Best of luck to you and feel free to DM me if you ever want to talk. |
8,616 | daddit | That sucks man but it you ever doubted yourself, your kids raise you to be better than yourself...no worries, no matter what happens, you got this. As for your baby momma, I didn't read the hole situation in comments....but try to understand she likely has post partum....not making excuses, but reach out to her and hope she makes the right decision to come home. Or at the least, take responsibility and help co parent. Wishing you the best of luck in your journey as a father. |
8,617 | daddit | You're showing your daughter a real man. She will take that with her forever. Stay strong. |
8,618 | daddit | Yeah dude! You’re going to raise up a strong little lady. |
8,619 | daddit | I feel for you man. It's hard with the little baby at home. I just had one. You are doing the right thing. Kids don't ask to be born, they come and need at least one adult to take care of them. Looks like you are going to be the man. |
8,620 | daddit | I am sorry fellow dad. You got each other now and if anything those little beautiful eyes looking at you with unconditional love will help you move forward with a bond that will last a lifetime. Besides the other advices you have received, I just wanted to add that do not close yourself up if you need to vent or talk or whatever here you have a group of dads that are always listening, just saying this as we dads sometime tend to close on things and just push through. You got this!! |
8,621 | daddit | Stay strong, you got people here, reach out whenever you need. |
8,622 | daddit | Love her with everything you've got! I will never be able to understand how someone can "leave" their child. Those are shoes I'll never be able to walk in for empathy. It makes no sense... |
8,623 | daddit | You go dad! She's such a cutie! |
8,624 | daddit | Stay strong brother. |
8,625 | daddit | My only advice is to take whatever help you can get because it could get overwhelming at times and it will help to have someone to step in like your parents or friends. Hang in there bud. If you got cheated on, you didn't screw up anything. She did. |
8,626 | daddit | Sorry to hear that but hang in there, life gets better. You’re a good dad. I can’t imagine raising a little one alone, keep us updated on your journey and let us know if you need help with anything. |
8,627 | daddit | wow man - stay strong. the universe will always balance itself out. you'll get the last laugh. |
8,628 | daddit | Man... You stick with it and that little girl is going to have the HIGHEST standards for men she dates in the future. You got this, dude. Just ask for all the help. Even venting online to strangers will be a relief. |
8,629 | daddit | Strong fathers raise strong daughters. Kudos brother. Head up |
8,630 | daddit | Hey man, I’m with you. Same situation but I have two daughters to figure this out with. Message me if you ever need support or someone to talk to... You are not alone. |
8,631 | daddit | Dad of the year right here sorry to hear that happened for you man but it will be so much better without drama In your life. |
8,632 | daddit | My motto is, be the best Dad you can, to makeup for all the piece of s*** parents in this world. |
8,633 | daddit | Hit up r/survivinginfidelity and they can help you with the days ahead. |
8,634 | daddit | I know there’s only so much people online can do, but just remember that you have a *HUGE* support network here. We’ll do what we can to help you. You’ve got this! |
8,635 | daddit | Fucking sucks bro. Your little girl is better off without that nonsense then. I know it's better to have parents in the picture, but if they're toxic then fuck that noise. |
8,636 | daddit | Yep excellent. God made her do this to make you realise what kind of person you are living with. Now what stops you to remarry? |
8,637 | daddit | She's so cute |
8,638 | daddit | File for Abandonment and full custody of your child |
8,639 | daddit | It’s worth it brother. That’s a beautiful baby you got. It will get harder before it gets better. |
8,640 | daddit | It honestly feels like I'm in free fall. Its a story long enough to fill and entire post but its so much more than just her cheating on me. Essentially she just got bored with us and left to go have fun. Its like the woman I loved just died overnight and was replaced. |
8,641 | daddit | Yeah im starting the legal process. Even her family is telling me to go for full custody. |
8,642 | daddit | This, 100% get a lawyer and file paperwork. The emotions can be hell but it will help you immensely in the long run. |
8,643 | daddit | Mirror story. Mine left around 18 months, I raised him solo until 3, my now-wife raised him with me ever since. She’s his mom now, the adoption was finalized in 2019. There’s hope! |
8,644 | daddit | Oh fuck. Care to tell more? |
8,645 | daddit | This. You have the love of your life by your side. It will be fine. At least until she gets her first period. But you have enough time to figure out a Plan for that until then. Best of luck to you! |
8,646 | daddit | Yeah I know. I'm already preparing to have to handle all the stuff that not only dad is supposed to teach her, but mom too. Who knows, maybe ill find someone else out there willing to treat my little girl like her own. |
8,647 | daddit | I just cannot fathom leaving my child. If my wife moved away with my kids, I would have to follow them. How can people do that? How can they just leave their child so casually? It's incomprehensible. |
8,648 | daddit | Yeah im talking to friends and family and seeing a therapist. |
8,649 | daddit | Oh yeah, definitely. At least right now my daughter won't remember all this and I'm still young enough to easily move on. Its just pretty rough right now. |
8,650 | daddit | Sorry to hear that man. For me it was the lying about it that hurt more than anything. |
8,651 | daddit | That's really sad. I don't know what I would do in you situation. |
8,652 | daddit | I know, she's making decisions a 10 year old would know are stupid right now. No plan, no support, no anything. Everyone has said she'll be back within 6 months. But I just can't. Its not in this post but shes just stabbed me in the back and taken advantage of me too much. |
8,653 | daddit | Thanks I appreciate it. |
8,654 | daddit | Yeah ill be honest its hard to muster the will to do stuff. |
8,655 | daddit | Thanks will do |
8,656 | daddit | Yeah. I've lost 20 in the same time frame. And yeah, lots of bathroom crying. Especially since I'm all alone. Nearest family is 2000 miles away. And I'm sorry she did that to you. Some people are fucked up. I just wish they would tell us to our faces instead of stabbing us in the back. |
8,657 | daddit | Thanks I will |
8,658 | daddit | Yeah. I'm trying to do some stuff with friends so I don't become a total shut in. |
8,659 | daddit | Yeah I cry a lot too. Especially since family is on the other side of the US so I'm pretty much alone. Just gotta keep going for her. |
8,660 | daddit | Yeah im working on that now. Even her family has told me to go for custody. |
8,661 | daddit | Unfortunately because I'm in the navy the nearest family is in California and I'm in south Carolina. I'm alone out here. |
8,662 | daddit | Will do, thanks for the support. |
8,663 | daddit | Yeah I dont get it either. Even her family is in shock. Its like she's gone crazy overnight. |
8,664 | daddit | Theyre trying to come out as soon as they can. But the days are long right now. |
8,665 | daddit | People can be cruel. Here's to us finding the right one |
8,666 | daddit | Yeah im in constant contact with her family. They are fully behind me. And yeah I'm not going to give my daughter details until she is at least in high school. Until then its the usual "sometimes it just doesn't work out" BS. |
8,667 | daddit | Will do. I appreciate it. But we're both her for our girls. |
8,668 | daddit | Yeah I probably will |
8,669 | daddit | I’m so sorry to hear that. I believe you’re doing the right thing. I’m sure you don’t need to hear this from some internet stranger but, I’m proud of you and I’m sure a lot of other people are too. Stay strong! It may never get better but it will get easier. |
8,670 | daddit | Document everything. I know it sounds stupid, but start a calendar with a list of all the important dates and appointments. Make sure to log if your ex was there or not. This will become important later if in say five or six years she gets bored again and wants to play house with her new boyfriend. You'll be able to show up to the courts and say "Yeah, she abandon her child, here's all the important dates. Every time she contacted our daughter has been highlighted in green, notice the lack of green. I would like to continue full custody." |
8,671 | daddit | You feel like you’re in “free fall” and you feel like she “died overnight” because this kind of loss is very much like a traumatic death of a family member. Someone who goes through this is in grief, and needs to see a grief counselor so they can “mourn” the loss and then “lay it down” and move forward. |
8,672 | daddit | I had a similar experience. She literally turned into a selfish asshole overnight. It took me a long time to recover...changed me forever. It does get easier though. Putting your daughter first is the right call. She'll give you a lot of strength. |
8,673 | daddit | I have a friend whose wife did basically the same thing. A few years after being a mother, it was like she decided she didn't want that life anymore and wanted to live the fun life again. Fortunately he is an amazing stand-up guy. Never bad mouthed the Mom to the kid and kept a cordial relationship with her. She has finally settled down with a different guy and has been stepping back up as a Mom these last few years. If you can, don't let bitterness fester and if you are lucky the Mom can realize she screwed up and step up and become a good co-parenting Mother. Stay strong. |
8,674 | daddit | My man I am sure the hurt of that abandonment is compounding the rest of the situation in a miserable way. Was this tied to postpartum depression in any way? |
8,675 | daddit | Same happened to me but we didn’t have kids. I can relate some. It gets better OP and you seem like a great dad |
8,676 | daddit | The woman you love and will always love unconditionally is right beside you. The sperm carrier that left did you a favor. You’re still young. |
8,677 | daddit | As someone who was cheated on before by an ex-fiance, one thing I always struggled with was asking the question "Was I just not worth taking the time to talk to?" and wondered if it was my fault. I don't know if that's going through your mind or not, but I know it was for me. Don't let yourself think that way. You're an awesome dad, an awesome person, and you're going to meet someone who actually cares for you (if that's what you want). And you have a beautiful kiddo. Don't be afraid to analyze what may have gone wrong, what you may have missed, etc. but at the end of the day SHE cheated on you and SHE left you caring for your child. That is never the cheatee's fault. I'm married with three wonderful kids and an amazing wife who thinks the world of me (and I her). I can't guarantee what will happen, but you're going to be alright. Rely on friends, family, etc. and feel free to PM me if you don't feel like you have anyone. I might not be able to relate to everything, but I'm happy to chat anyway. |
8,678 | daddit | You got this my man ! I wish you the best for you two |
8,679 | daddit | Time heals my brother. 1 day in the distant future there will be a new woman you love, and she will never be replaced. Yes, that’ll be your daughter, and not only will you have her and she’ll have you, but she will know how to treat a man well because of your example. Good on you man, I am proud of you. |
8,680 | daddit | I usually just like and move on, but I sincerely hope everything works out for you and your daughter. And it will in time, just hang in there. |
8,681 | daddit | Any man would be in a free fall dealing with something like that. You are a good man for staying. Don’t forget that. |
8,682 | daddit | Exact same thing happened to me. You’re better off. Keep your focus on your daughter, let her fill your cup with joy. |
8,683 | daddit | Did this start pre-pregnancy? Or after? Could be PP depression. Serious issue that has caused some people to have pretty rough episodes. |
8,684 | daddit | Nothing is more fun than watching your baby girl grow up |
8,685 | daddit | So sad to hear man, I’m sorry that had to happen to ya. We’re all here for ya man you’re gonna do great! |
8,686 | daddit | I've been through the exact same scenario and I can absolutely tell you that you will heal from this and life will return to normal. Stay strong and focused. |
8,687 | daddit | It will get better. At one point I was a single dad of 3, my ex was an alcoholic junkie. She wasn’t like that when we met but changed over the years. It was worse after our 3rd was born. I ended up with custody of my kids yay. It was hard at first but I did what I had to. I was lucky though, a girl who I dated when I was 12/13 (if you can call it dating) was still in touch. Just friends, for many years until this happened. Well long story short, we’ve been together 8 years and married for 5. Take your time mate, you’ll find a decent woman who is happy to be with you and your little one. If you need advice or anything feel free to give me a shout. I’ve done all the baby, toddler stuff several times lol. |
8,688 | daddit | I lived this once, and I know how much it hurts. Hate to say it but it will take a while before that hurt fades. In my situation, once the feelings of loss and betrayal faded I was just f’ing angry and wanted revenge, so I focused all that rage into making the best life I could for my son and myself. 8 years later I have an amazing wife, 3 fantastic kids, a great house, and I couldn’t be more happy. My point is this- turn that anger into drive and make the very best life for you and your kiddo. Also: Never take her back. She would likely run out on you again. As others have said- document *everything*. I chose a google calendar and gmail account to archive my ex’s behavior/correspondence. Whatever you use, make sure your records can’t get lost or destroyed because you’ll need to reference this for many years to come. Get a lawyer and get a custody agreement in place ASAP. Good luck man. It does get better! |
8,689 | daddit | You got the best end of that deal. Your baby is absolutely gorgeous! |
8,690 | daddit | Been there. Doesn’t seem like it but it honestly does get better mate. You’ll survive and then you’ll thrive, for yourself and your little one. |
8,691 | daddit | Hey Buddy, I am so sorry about everything that is happening. You may want to post over at /r/survivinginfidelity, they deal with this a lot more than most of us. I can tell you that the free fall feeling goes away. Get into individual therapy, being a new dad can b exhausting on its own without the added stress and therapy can really help give you perspective and cope/focus on the important stuff. This will all get better, I promise. |
8,692 | daddit | Sounds like you will be better in the long run, and you got custody, so good for you! Just put your head down and you guys will do great! |
8,693 | daddit | This is by no means an excuse as I’ve been there/done that, but I would suggest her look into postpartum depression. It’s not my place to diagnose nor intrude but this type of behavior coincides with a lot of PPD cases I’ve seen. If she’s willing, sitting down with help may be beneficial to both you two and her. She may not fully understand the severity of her actions. |
8,694 | daddit | One of my best buddies also had a situation with his wife where he felt much like you do. Like she flipped a switch and completely changed. So sorry. Be strong for your little girl but don't forget to be human, too. Gotta let it out when and how you can. |
8,695 | daddit | That’s so sad dude.. the only reason I can ever see a mom leaving her baby is some kind of severe postpartum depression but because she got bored and wanted to have fun? Wow... I hope you don’t have to share visitation or anything with her. |
8,696 | daddit | You’re very lucky her own family supports you doing that. I’d definitely go for it then |
8,697 | daddit | Document visitation in a spreadsheet. Even if "no contact" is the only entry for the day. Create a paper trail that shows your efforts to be a proper primary. |
8,698 | daddit | Go for child support to. Please. For your little girl. You may make it alright without it.. And if that's the case save it up for her. But do it. Try for it. |
8,699 | daddit | It serves as a reminder when she goes off the rails. |
8,700 | daddit | I love that outcome. |
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