Split (1)

train · 353k rows

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[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	Cold claps rumbled and rippled through the red, cracked ground. For the first time in a long time, I was almost alone. Where I had come from, loneliness wasn't allowed. He stood there in all his dark majesty and wore a look I had seen before. I had seen it many times: he was shocked. Hidden in his broken eyes was another look, one with which I had little experience: he was impressed. The clapping stopped. "Well, well, well" his voice was like a bag of wet stones being cremated: all hisses and pops, "you didn't repent?" My shaking head spoke for me. There was nothing to repent for. Why should I seek forgiveness for doing what was right? "Not for the killing, not for the pain?" Another shaking head. "Not for the tears, not for the fear?" Another shaking head. "Not for the weeping mothers, the children's bodies, the lives unloved because of you? You stood before the great god of all creation, stood before the beginning and the end, stood before all that was and all that will ever be, and you did not repent?" Not impressed. Scared. A final shaking head. Silence was the only answer worth offering; when god is wrong, what does it mean to be right? I do not beg. Deep ringing laughter growled out of him, "...and you aren't afraid?" "No." stuttered my reply "You and I are a lot alike. I also know how it feels, not to be believed in."	"What do you mean, I'm the only one? That's impossible!" "Apparently not", Satan answered, grinning slightly in his immaculately tailored suit. "All you had to do was try. Couldn't even manage that, could you? Grace is, dare I say, a hell of a thing, but you've managed to be the one screwup who couldn't qualify." "I wasn't that bad!", he protested. He went to wipe the sweat from his forehead before remembering he didn't have a body anymore. Looking around, he could see rooms that looked a lot like the offices where he worked... had worked. But they were all empty, blank cubicles with blank desks. There were no lights, just an ambient even illumination. No doors or windows. "We both know you were never any good, not deep down," Satan replied with a dry chuckle. He made a show of checking a tastefully gilded pocketwatch, then snicked it shut. "Well then, enjoy your eternity. Perhaps someone else will eventually be along. Surely there will someday be a person as useless and unworth saving as you. But then again, it hasn't happened so far, has it?" And with a sarcastic wave goodbye, Satan stepped through the wall, savoring the desperate protests not to be left alone as they faded into silence. A few steps more and he stood in an unmarked field of pavement, lit by an empty grey sky. When the surprised looking woman tumbled into existence a moment later, he started clapping.
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	"Where am I?" "Why, Hell of course!" "Hey, it's not too bad. I was expecting a...." "A lake of fire? Haha, no this is it. Just you and me. And nothing else." I'm a little relieved. I hadn't lived the best life. I was expecting a fiery lake of fire but this, this isn't too bad. Just emptiness all around. I look around. "So where is everybody?" "It's just you." "What do you mean? Everyone else lived like a saint? Where's Hitler?" "No. I mean. It's just you. You are the only person, the only soul to have existed. Everyone else was a fiction. Part of, I guess, you can say, a simulation. You are the only person to ever have existed." "What? I... can't believe it." As shocked as I am, I am even more curious. "So if this is Hell, then what's Hea---" "Heaven? There is no heaven. Well, I guess there is. Heaven would have been: you lived your life in the so-called simulation and would have died, disappearing into nothingness. You wouldn't be here. You would never have found out about this place, about me, about the truth. I guess you can say heaven is basically what the atheists believe is the status quo" I can feel my mouth gaping open. I cannot speak. "Well, any more questions? I have time. Lots of it. Because from now on, it's just you and me. Forever." edit: Bonus points if you read Satan's words in christoph waltz' voice. For some reason he popped up in my head as Satan.	"What do you mean, I'm the only one? That's impossible!" "Apparently not", Satan answered, grinning slightly in his immaculately tailored suit. "All you had to do was try. Couldn't even manage that, could you? Grace is, dare I say, a hell of a thing, but you've managed to be the one screwup who couldn't qualify." "I wasn't that bad!", he protested. He went to wipe the sweat from his forehead before remembering he didn't have a body anymore. Looking around, he could see rooms that looked a lot like the offices where he worked... had worked. But they were all empty, blank cubicles with blank desks. There were no lights, just an ambient even illumination. No doors or windows. "We both know you were never any good, not deep down," Satan replied with a dry chuckle. He made a show of checking a tastefully gilded pocketwatch, then snicked it shut. "Well then, enjoy your eternity. Perhaps someone else will eventually be along. Surely there will someday be a person as useless and unworth saving as you. But then again, it hasn't happened so far, has it?" And with a sarcastic wave goodbye, Satan stepped through the wall, savoring the desperate protests not to be left alone as they faded into silence. A few steps more and he stood in an unmarked field of pavement, lit by an empty grey sky. When the surprised looking woman tumbled into existence a moment later, he started clapping.
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	"Dibs." I cried out over the Devil's clapping and laughter. He didn't seem to hear me, so I screamed it again. "Dibs!" The Devil stopped and looked at me. "What do you mean 'dibs'?" He blinked, a little confused by my reaction. I looked around the vast vastness of Hell before turning to Lucifer once more. "Well, no one else has been here yet, right?" He nodded. "And that means there's no prior claim to Hell, right?" The Devil cocked his head at that. "I mean come on, you aren't actually in charge of Hell, you were just cast down here. Like, so we were told for millennia, all the other sinners. Hell isn't yours, it's just something you are watching over. Hence 'dibs'." I started off in a direction, figuring the conversation was done. "Whoa whoa whoa, hold a second there buddy." The Devil spun me around, fire crackling in his eyes. "I'm the Devil! Prince of Darkness! Hell is mine! God had Micheal cast me down and, wait..." I nodded. "See? You weren't actually cast into Hell. You were cast out of Paradise. So, once again I call dibs on Hell, and to further seal the deal," I undid my jeans and took a leak on the ground. "I've marked it. Bet you never did that, did you?" I zipped back up. "I can't urinate, I lack the physical necessities for such!" The Devil whined. I shrugged and began walking again. "No my problem, not my fault. Now, let's see what I can with my new place." As I walked I envisioned a castle, a palace fit for my rule. The power of Dibs was only further enhanced by marking my territory. Turrets erupted forth from the ground, and in moments my castle was done. I crossed the moat and made my way to the throne room. "Hmm, this isn't right." I looked around, then snapped my fingers. "Let's make this bad boy fly." And with just the though, the castle floated into the sky. When I finally sat down I found the Devil right on my heels. "What do you want?" Lucifer toed the rich carpet sheepish. "First off, can I crash here? I haven't actually had a place to sleep in all this time." I rolled my eyes and sighed, but finally nodded. Lucifer practically beamed. "Awesome! Also, I gotta ask. How did you do that?" I looked down at the Devil. "You want to know? Okay, I'll tell you the story of how my soul got flipped, turned upside down. It will take a minute so sit right there and I'll tell you how I became the prince of Hell's Air."	"What do you mean, I'm the only one? That's impossible!" "Apparently not", Satan answered, grinning slightly in his immaculately tailored suit. "All you had to do was try. Couldn't even manage that, could you? Grace is, dare I say, a hell of a thing, but you've managed to be the one screwup who couldn't qualify." "I wasn't that bad!", he protested. He went to wipe the sweat from his forehead before remembering he didn't have a body anymore. Looking around, he could see rooms that looked a lot like the offices where he worked... had worked. But they were all empty, blank cubicles with blank desks. There were no lights, just an ambient even illumination. No doors or windows. "We both know you were never any good, not deep down," Satan replied with a dry chuckle. He made a show of checking a tastefully gilded pocketwatch, then snicked it shut. "Well then, enjoy your eternity. Perhaps someone else will eventually be along. Surely there will someday be a person as useless and unworth saving as you. But then again, it hasn't happened so far, has it?" And with a sarcastic wave goodbye, Satan stepped through the wall, savoring the desperate protests not to be left alone as they faded into silence. A few steps more and he stood in an unmarked field of pavement, lit by an empty grey sky. When the surprised looking woman tumbled into existence a moment later, he started clapping.
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	A voice boomed, "Kneel, mortal." I was dazed, and more than a little confused. My heart pounded in my chest, and I felt an overwhelming sense of anxiety and dread, although I couldn't quite remember why. My head darted left and right as I tried desperately to find the source of the voice, but as far as I could tell, there wasn’t one. Above me was a pitch black sky, devoid of all character and life. Beneath me stood a desolate rock, surrounded by lava as far as the eye could see. Sulfurous ash assaulted my nostrils and burned my lungs, bringing tears to my eyes. "Who...?", I croaked, but could get nothing more out. My mouth was dry, as if filled with sand. My throat spasmed as I attempted to speak, and I gasped for air. “You dare to defy me?” Suddenly, my body erupted in searing pain. I tried to scream, but could find no voice in my throat. My skin was on fire, my head pulsed and throbbed, and a wave of nausea rushed over me. I fell to my knees and watched in horror as I began to uncontrollably vomit up my own blood. A cackle filled the air, punctuated by what sounded almost like applause. The lava in front of me shot up -- an awesome demonstration of power -- sending small droplets raining down on me like fiery acid. I watched in horror as the lava formed itself into a giant, twisted facsimile of a man, towering over me. It grinned sardonically. "You know, I've waited a long time for you." The figure boomed. "More time than you can even comprehend.” I stared through terrified eyes, trembling, the taste of blood still fresh in my mouth. I dared not speak. I dared not move. I knelt in silence. "When the Lord condemned me to this forsaken abyss, He promised He would send me those human souls that were beyond salvation. The truly condemned, so hopelessly forlorn that even He, in His infinite love and wisdom, could not save." "And so I watched, and waited. I watched as God welcomed into His loving embrace murderers, rapists, thieves and harlots – all manner of debauchery and evil. So long as He could find a single shred of worth – a single seed of value and goodness – He welcomed them into His realm, as if to mock me.” “For a time, I thought I understood. You see, I thought God was telling me that I alone was uniquely beyond redemption; uniquely cursed to suffer this terrible realm of darkness and hate.” “But you…” Out of the lava formed an arm, a hand, and then a finger, which slowly unraveled and pointed at me. I felt my body rise, of its own volition, and I slowly began to walk toward the towering figure, inching ever closer to the fiery magma out of which it had formed. Each step accentuated the heat on my skin, causing my body to blister and burn. I tried to writhe. I tried to scream. I tried to do anything to make the pain stop, but I had no control. “Out of all mankind, you alone have been deemed so uniquely depraved – so uniquely hopeless – that even God has forsaken you. And now you have arrived in my realm, as cast off and isolated as you were in life.” I couldn’t talk. I couldn’t blink. I couldn’t do anything. My whole body cried out, as my skin welted and blistered. My eyes erupted in agony, and the world went dark as I felt them crust over. I could see no more, but I continued to feel my body slowly advance. “And for what? You committed no atrocities. You perpetrated no genocide and murdered no innocents. No, you are here not for the depth of your crimes, for which God always manages to find forgiveness.” I felt a scathing liquid surround my left foot, then my right, as my senses erupted in new heights of pain. My body slowly started to disintegrate – melting beneath me – shooting searing agony up my legs. I could see nothing, but could feel exposed bone splashed by lava. The figure laughed, hate-filled, and mockingly. “No, you’re not here because you’re evil. You’re here because the way you lived your life demonstrated such a pathetic worthlessness – such a miserable, aspirationless existence – that even God could not find anything in you worth redeeming. You were nothing in life, and you are nothing in death. And now God has condemned you to me like the worm you are.” With so little of my lower body left, I lost my balance, and fell forward, face first into anguish. The pain consumed me, rushing throughout my body until my every sensation was torment and misery. I felt myself disappear, moving closer and closer to nothingness, my final salvation. I embraced the void. But suddenly, I found myself formed anew, once again able to see, and centered on the same desolate rock, the same figure towering over me once again. “And after countless eons of waiting, my worm, rest assured – we’re going to have so much fun.”	"What do you mean, I'm the only one? That's impossible!" "Apparently not", Satan answered, grinning slightly in his immaculately tailored suit. "All you had to do was try. Couldn't even manage that, could you? Grace is, dare I say, a hell of a thing, but you've managed to be the one screwup who couldn't qualify." "I wasn't that bad!", he protested. He went to wipe the sweat from his forehead before remembering he didn't have a body anymore. Looking around, he could see rooms that looked a lot like the offices where he worked... had worked. But they were all empty, blank cubicles with blank desks. There were no lights, just an ambient even illumination. No doors or windows. "We both know you were never any good, not deep down," Satan replied with a dry chuckle. He made a show of checking a tastefully gilded pocketwatch, then snicked it shut. "Well then, enjoy your eternity. Perhaps someone else will eventually be along. Surely there will someday be a person as useless and unworth saving as you. But then again, it hasn't happened so far, has it?" And with a sarcastic wave goodbye, Satan stepped through the wall, savoring the desperate protests not to be left alone as they faded into silence. A few steps more and he stood in an unmarked field of pavement, lit by an empty grey sky. When the surprised looking woman tumbled into existence a moment later, he started clapping.
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	"Welcome!, this is truly impressive, no one has ever been sent here before." The devil gives me an enthusiastic round of applause. "Wait... so there's no one else here?, that's not good. How am I to pass the time?" "Well I'm here obviously as the ruler of this place, not that there's been much to do until now." The devil is still clapping his hands in welcome. "Ah that's right, you're here with me." I smile sweetly at the devil. The clapping slows, "Why are you looking at me like that?" I begin to walk towards the devil, still smiling. The clapping stops.	"Finally, someone worthy!" he exclaims. I recover from the confusion of suddenly having been transported by an other-worldly force to this unfamiliar place. The presence of a being who looks to be Satan gives me the cue that I am, indeed, dead, and that this may be hell. "Is this... hell?" "It sure is buddy", Satan replied sounding excited. He is accompanied by beings I can only deduce to be demons or imps, and - surprisingly - quite a few voluptuous women. "I don't understand." I mutter. "Oh don't worry; I know you must be a little dazed, but that's why we have the orientation house party!" He stepped aside and what I saw was a lovely home. not too big, but quaint. Hell seemed like a pleasant place. Greenery, a light breeze and a pleasant temperature. Even Satan appeared a nice fellow, clad in a silk shirt and chinos. He invited me into his home, along with the demons/imps and the hot dames. I'm in his backyard. We have a meal from his grill. I don't know what it was but it was delicious - the aroma still lingers as an immediate reminder of the delicacy. We open up a couple of Budweisers and so begins the talk. "So hell seems like a really nice place." I said. "It is, isn't it? And you're the only one who's been nice enough to make it." I'm no stranger to my own niceness, so I'm not too surprised at what he said. I continue: "So, what am I going to be doing here?" "Oh, that's your wish entirely. You can do whatever you want - go fishing, shooting at the range, smoke pot, get drunk, or just sit home and play Counter Strike." "Home?" "Yeah. You'll be allotted your own place, very much like this one. Just a couple of blocks away from here." "Say, Satan - what's with all the chicks?" "Oh you like 'em? They're called Hell's angels. You can fuck one whenever you want." "Seriously?" "Oh sure - it's one of practically billions of things you can do around here. Hell's a pretty chill place." "Damn. If hell's so awesome then what would heaven be like?" "Oh, did you say heaven? Don't even get me started on that place..."
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	Cold claps rumbled and rippled through the red, cracked ground. For the first time in a long time, I was almost alone. Where I had come from, loneliness wasn't allowed. He stood there in all his dark majesty and wore a look I had seen before. I had seen it many times: he was shocked. Hidden in his broken eyes was another look, one with which I had little experience: he was impressed. The clapping stopped. "Well, well, well" his voice was like a bag of wet stones being cremated: all hisses and pops, "you didn't repent?" My shaking head spoke for me. There was nothing to repent for. Why should I seek forgiveness for doing what was right? "Not for the killing, not for the pain?" Another shaking head. "Not for the tears, not for the fear?" Another shaking head. "Not for the weeping mothers, the children's bodies, the lives unloved because of you? You stood before the great god of all creation, stood before the beginning and the end, stood before all that was and all that will ever be, and you did not repent?" Not impressed. Scared. A final shaking head. Silence was the only answer worth offering; when god is wrong, what does it mean to be right? I do not beg. Deep ringing laughter growled out of him, "...and you aren't afraid?" "No." stuttered my reply "You and I are a lot alike. I also know how it feels, not to be believed in."	"Finally, someone worthy!" he exclaims. I recover from the confusion of suddenly having been transported by an other-worldly force to this unfamiliar place. The presence of a being who looks to be Satan gives me the cue that I am, indeed, dead, and that this may be hell. "Is this... hell?" "It sure is buddy", Satan replied sounding excited. He is accompanied by beings I can only deduce to be demons or imps, and - surprisingly - quite a few voluptuous women. "I don't understand." I mutter. "Oh don't worry; I know you must be a little dazed, but that's why we have the orientation house party!" He stepped aside and what I saw was a lovely home. not too big, but quaint. Hell seemed like a pleasant place. Greenery, a light breeze and a pleasant temperature. Even Satan appeared a nice fellow, clad in a silk shirt and chinos. He invited me into his home, along with the demons/imps and the hot dames. I'm in his backyard. We have a meal from his grill. I don't know what it was but it was delicious - the aroma still lingers as an immediate reminder of the delicacy. We open up a couple of Budweisers and so begins the talk. "So hell seems like a really nice place." I said. "It is, isn't it? And you're the only one who's been nice enough to make it." I'm no stranger to my own niceness, so I'm not too surprised at what he said. I continue: "So, what am I going to be doing here?" "Oh, that's your wish entirely. You can do whatever you want - go fishing, shooting at the range, smoke pot, get drunk, or just sit home and play Counter Strike." "Home?" "Yeah. You'll be allotted your own place, very much like this one. Just a couple of blocks away from here." "Say, Satan - what's with all the chicks?" "Oh you like 'em? They're called Hell's angels. You can fuck one whenever you want." "Seriously?" "Oh sure - it's one of practically billions of things you can do around here. Hell's a pretty chill place." "Damn. If hell's so awesome then what would heaven be like?" "Oh, did you say heaven? Don't even get me started on that place..."
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	"Where am I?" "Why, Hell of course!" "Hey, it's not too bad. I was expecting a...." "A lake of fire? Haha, no this is it. Just you and me. And nothing else." I'm a little relieved. I hadn't lived the best life. I was expecting a fiery lake of fire but this, this isn't too bad. Just emptiness all around. I look around. "So where is everybody?" "It's just you." "What do you mean? Everyone else lived like a saint? Where's Hitler?" "No. I mean. It's just you. You are the only person, the only soul to have existed. Everyone else was a fiction. Part of, I guess, you can say, a simulation. You are the only person to ever have existed." "What? I... can't believe it." As shocked as I am, I am even more curious. "So if this is Hell, then what's Hea---" "Heaven? There is no heaven. Well, I guess there is. Heaven would have been: you lived your life in the so-called simulation and would have died, disappearing into nothingness. You wouldn't be here. You would never have found out about this place, about me, about the truth. I guess you can say heaven is basically what the atheists believe is the status quo" I can feel my mouth gaping open. I cannot speak. "Well, any more questions? I have time. Lots of it. Because from now on, it's just you and me. Forever." edit: Bonus points if you read Satan's words in christoph waltz' voice. For some reason he popped up in my head as Satan.	"Finally, someone worthy!" he exclaims. I recover from the confusion of suddenly having been transported by an other-worldly force to this unfamiliar place. The presence of a being who looks to be Satan gives me the cue that I am, indeed, dead, and that this may be hell. "Is this... hell?" "It sure is buddy", Satan replied sounding excited. He is accompanied by beings I can only deduce to be demons or imps, and - surprisingly - quite a few voluptuous women. "I don't understand." I mutter. "Oh don't worry; I know you must be a little dazed, but that's why we have the orientation house party!" He stepped aside and what I saw was a lovely home. not too big, but quaint. Hell seemed like a pleasant place. Greenery, a light breeze and a pleasant temperature. Even Satan appeared a nice fellow, clad in a silk shirt and chinos. He invited me into his home, along with the demons/imps and the hot dames. I'm in his backyard. We have a meal from his grill. I don't know what it was but it was delicious - the aroma still lingers as an immediate reminder of the delicacy. We open up a couple of Budweisers and so begins the talk. "So hell seems like a really nice place." I said. "It is, isn't it? And you're the only one who's been nice enough to make it." I'm no stranger to my own niceness, so I'm not too surprised at what he said. I continue: "So, what am I going to be doing here?" "Oh, that's your wish entirely. You can do whatever you want - go fishing, shooting at the range, smoke pot, get drunk, or just sit home and play Counter Strike." "Home?" "Yeah. You'll be allotted your own place, very much like this one. Just a couple of blocks away from here." "Say, Satan - what's with all the chicks?" "Oh you like 'em? They're called Hell's angels. You can fuck one whenever you want." "Seriously?" "Oh sure - it's one of practically billions of things you can do around here. Hell's a pretty chill place." "Damn. If hell's so awesome then what would heaven be like?" "Oh, did you say heaven? Don't even get me started on that place..."
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	"Dibs." I cried out over the Devil's clapping and laughter. He didn't seem to hear me, so I screamed it again. "Dibs!" The Devil stopped and looked at me. "What do you mean 'dibs'?" He blinked, a little confused by my reaction. I looked around the vast vastness of Hell before turning to Lucifer once more. "Well, no one else has been here yet, right?" He nodded. "And that means there's no prior claim to Hell, right?" The Devil cocked his head at that. "I mean come on, you aren't actually in charge of Hell, you were just cast down here. Like, so we were told for millennia, all the other sinners. Hell isn't yours, it's just something you are watching over. Hence 'dibs'." I started off in a direction, figuring the conversation was done. "Whoa whoa whoa, hold a second there buddy." The Devil spun me around, fire crackling in his eyes. "I'm the Devil! Prince of Darkness! Hell is mine! God had Micheal cast me down and, wait..." I nodded. "See? You weren't actually cast into Hell. You were cast out of Paradise. So, once again I call dibs on Hell, and to further seal the deal," I undid my jeans and took a leak on the ground. "I've marked it. Bet you never did that, did you?" I zipped back up. "I can't urinate, I lack the physical necessities for such!" The Devil whined. I shrugged and began walking again. "No my problem, not my fault. Now, let's see what I can with my new place." As I walked I envisioned a castle, a palace fit for my rule. The power of Dibs was only further enhanced by marking my territory. Turrets erupted forth from the ground, and in moments my castle was done. I crossed the moat and made my way to the throne room. "Hmm, this isn't right." I looked around, then snapped my fingers. "Let's make this bad boy fly." And with just the though, the castle floated into the sky. When I finally sat down I found the Devil right on my heels. "What do you want?" Lucifer toed the rich carpet sheepish. "First off, can I crash here? I haven't actually had a place to sleep in all this time." I rolled my eyes and sighed, but finally nodded. Lucifer practically beamed. "Awesome! Also, I gotta ask. How did you do that?" I looked down at the Devil. "You want to know? Okay, I'll tell you the story of how my soul got flipped, turned upside down. It will take a minute so sit right there and I'll tell you how I became the prince of Hell's Air."	"Finally, someone worthy!" he exclaims. I recover from the confusion of suddenly having been transported by an other-worldly force to this unfamiliar place. The presence of a being who looks to be Satan gives me the cue that I am, indeed, dead, and that this may be hell. "Is this... hell?" "It sure is buddy", Satan replied sounding excited. He is accompanied by beings I can only deduce to be demons or imps, and - surprisingly - quite a few voluptuous women. "I don't understand." I mutter. "Oh don't worry; I know you must be a little dazed, but that's why we have the orientation house party!" He stepped aside and what I saw was a lovely home. not too big, but quaint. Hell seemed like a pleasant place. Greenery, a light breeze and a pleasant temperature. Even Satan appeared a nice fellow, clad in a silk shirt and chinos. He invited me into his home, along with the demons/imps and the hot dames. I'm in his backyard. We have a meal from his grill. I don't know what it was but it was delicious - the aroma still lingers as an immediate reminder of the delicacy. We open up a couple of Budweisers and so begins the talk. "So hell seems like a really nice place." I said. "It is, isn't it? And you're the only one who's been nice enough to make it." I'm no stranger to my own niceness, so I'm not too surprised at what he said. I continue: "So, what am I going to be doing here?" "Oh, that's your wish entirely. You can do whatever you want - go fishing, shooting at the range, smoke pot, get drunk, or just sit home and play Counter Strike." "Home?" "Yeah. You'll be allotted your own place, very much like this one. Just a couple of blocks away from here." "Say, Satan - what's with all the chicks?" "Oh you like 'em? They're called Hell's angels. You can fuck one whenever you want." "Seriously?" "Oh sure - it's one of practically billions of things you can do around here. Hell's a pretty chill place." "Damn. If hell's so awesome then what would heaven be like?" "Oh, did you say heaven? Don't even get me started on that place..."
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	Cold claps rumbled and rippled through the red, cracked ground. For the first time in a long time, I was almost alone. Where I had come from, loneliness wasn't allowed. He stood there in all his dark majesty and wore a look I had seen before. I had seen it many times: he was shocked. Hidden in his broken eyes was another look, one with which I had little experience: he was impressed. The clapping stopped. "Well, well, well" his voice was like a bag of wet stones being cremated: all hisses and pops, "you didn't repent?" My shaking head spoke for me. There was nothing to repent for. Why should I seek forgiveness for doing what was right? "Not for the killing, not for the pain?" Another shaking head. "Not for the tears, not for the fear?" Another shaking head. "Not for the weeping mothers, the children's bodies, the lives unloved because of you? You stood before the great god of all creation, stood before the beginning and the end, stood before all that was and all that will ever be, and you did not repent?" Not impressed. Scared. A final shaking head. Silence was the only answer worth offering; when god is wrong, what does it mean to be right? I do not beg. Deep ringing laughter growled out of him, "...and you aren't afraid?" "No." stuttered my reply "You and I are a lot alike. I also know how it feels, not to be believed in."	Exhaustion was the only thing I could feel. The last 3, well, 5--no really, 7 years had been all about other people and lately it had been a complete shitfest. I never took any me-time, and I had paid for it in the end. But I always told myself "eh, I'll sleep when I'm dead". My first experience of being dead was sitting in the dullest waiting room for what felt like eternity, when all I really wanted to do was hibernate. As I listened for my name to be called, I watched others come in after me and get called before me. I didn't resent them--much--since many of them looked so anxious. I wasn't worried about my destination, but the minutes dragged into hours. As the afternoon rolled on, I noticed that the caseworkers appeared abuzz and I often saw them discreetly pointing at me or whispering to each other. I finally gave up feigning ignorance and began waving when I saw them look at me, but somehow that made it worse and they became even more frenzied. I rolled my eyes--but it wasn’t the first time I bore the heavy mantle of being treated as a celebrity. Finally, long after the sun should have set, my name was called and I approached the door to go to my eternal fate. I was given my ticket, which simply read “HELL” and recoiled in confusion. I protested as I was escorted down to the heavy door, but the employee simply shook her head and informed me that the results had been rechecked... several times. Each step was heavy with trepidation as I approached the dungeon--a hellscape that I had helped to design. I wanted more time to strategize before I had to encounter my estranged brother, who I knew lurked behind that door, but I wasn't given a choice in the matter. The door swung inwards and Lucifer stood there, simply clapping. Not a happy clap, but an utterly smug golf-clap reserved for dudebros with too much time on their hands. I tried to hold back but my--assuredly righteous--rage bubbled out and I exclaimed "This has to be a joke. It does. I went to earth to help people. I only did good! How the hell did I end up in hell?" Realizing how quiet it was, I added "and where is everyone else?" Satan started by chuckling but it quickly turned into a fully bellowed cackle. "You knew how bad it would be down here, no one else had that understanding. A higher level of knowledge requires a higher level of responsibility." I shook my head vigorously "Regardless! I only ever did good! This isn't fair!" Satan's guffaw resounded once more as he laid out the whole history of mankind for me, in a way that only one who knew no beginning and no end could. "You inspired the worst of the worst. Homosexual relationships went from being relatively accepted to being a "sin" punishable by state-sponsored murder. Racism, sexism, transphobia, ableism, literally slavery--they all flourished in your name. For millennia, your ‘disciples’ followed you by committing genocide, going to war, and perpetuating oppression on ‘the least of these’ as you so kindly pointed out" I was aghast. "I said love one another! I told them that blindness wasn't caused by sin! The sinless should cast the first stone!! What about that?" I shouted as the utter unfairness began to sink in. "And yet, actions spoke louder than words. How many lost their lives because you lived? Maybe you need to look into the Crusades and the Holocaust. The tradition that you introduced was detrimental to the entire human race--your ‘doctrine’ and subsequent lack of supervision led to not just institutional oppression, but eventually the destruction of the entire planet and end to humanity. Someone needs to pay the price for the devastation that your preaching brought about." I knew that with power comes responsibility, but this was not what I signed up for. My heart was heavy, but being Jesus Christ never had been easy... it looked like it wasn't about to start today. Edited: Forgot the clapping. Also, added a sentence for clarification and corrected typo.
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	"Where am I?" "Why, Hell of course!" "Hey, it's not too bad. I was expecting a...." "A lake of fire? Haha, no this is it. Just you and me. And nothing else." I'm a little relieved. I hadn't lived the best life. I was expecting a fiery lake of fire but this, this isn't too bad. Just emptiness all around. I look around. "So where is everybody?" "It's just you." "What do you mean? Everyone else lived like a saint? Where's Hitler?" "No. I mean. It's just you. You are the only person, the only soul to have existed. Everyone else was a fiction. Part of, I guess, you can say, a simulation. You are the only person to ever have existed." "What? I... can't believe it." As shocked as I am, I am even more curious. "So if this is Hell, then what's Hea---" "Heaven? There is no heaven. Well, I guess there is. Heaven would have been: you lived your life in the so-called simulation and would have died, disappearing into nothingness. You wouldn't be here. You would never have found out about this place, about me, about the truth. I guess you can say heaven is basically what the atheists believe is the status quo" I can feel my mouth gaping open. I cannot speak. "Well, any more questions? I have time. Lots of it. Because from now on, it's just you and me. Forever." edit: Bonus points if you read Satan's words in christoph waltz' voice. For some reason he popped up in my head as Satan.	Exhaustion was the only thing I could feel. The last 3, well, 5--no really, 7 years had been all about other people and lately it had been a complete shitfest. I never took any me-time, and I had paid for it in the end. But I always told myself "eh, I'll sleep when I'm dead". My first experience of being dead was sitting in the dullest waiting room for what felt like eternity, when all I really wanted to do was hibernate. As I listened for my name to be called, I watched others come in after me and get called before me. I didn't resent them--much--since many of them looked so anxious. I wasn't worried about my destination, but the minutes dragged into hours. As the afternoon rolled on, I noticed that the caseworkers appeared abuzz and I often saw them discreetly pointing at me or whispering to each other. I finally gave up feigning ignorance and began waving when I saw them look at me, but somehow that made it worse and they became even more frenzied. I rolled my eyes--but it wasn’t the first time I bore the heavy mantle of being treated as a celebrity. Finally, long after the sun should have set, my name was called and I approached the door to go to my eternal fate. I was given my ticket, which simply read “HELL” and recoiled in confusion. I protested as I was escorted down to the heavy door, but the employee simply shook her head and informed me that the results had been rechecked... several times. Each step was heavy with trepidation as I approached the dungeon--a hellscape that I had helped to design. I wanted more time to strategize before I had to encounter my estranged brother, who I knew lurked behind that door, but I wasn't given a choice in the matter. The door swung inwards and Lucifer stood there, simply clapping. Not a happy clap, but an utterly smug golf-clap reserved for dudebros with too much time on their hands. I tried to hold back but my--assuredly righteous--rage bubbled out and I exclaimed "This has to be a joke. It does. I went to earth to help people. I only did good! How the hell did I end up in hell?" Realizing how quiet it was, I added "and where is everyone else?" Satan started by chuckling but it quickly turned into a fully bellowed cackle. "You knew how bad it would be down here, no one else had that understanding. A higher level of knowledge requires a higher level of responsibility." I shook my head vigorously "Regardless! I only ever did good! This isn't fair!" Satan's guffaw resounded once more as he laid out the whole history of mankind for me, in a way that only one who knew no beginning and no end could. "You inspired the worst of the worst. Homosexual relationships went from being relatively accepted to being a "sin" punishable by state-sponsored murder. Racism, sexism, transphobia, ableism, literally slavery--they all flourished in your name. For millennia, your ‘disciples’ followed you by committing genocide, going to war, and perpetuating oppression on ‘the least of these’ as you so kindly pointed out" I was aghast. "I said love one another! I told them that blindness wasn't caused by sin! The sinless should cast the first stone!! What about that?" I shouted as the utter unfairness began to sink in. "And yet, actions spoke louder than words. How many lost their lives because you lived? Maybe you need to look into the Crusades and the Holocaust. The tradition that you introduced was detrimental to the entire human race--your ‘doctrine’ and subsequent lack of supervision led to not just institutional oppression, but eventually the destruction of the entire planet and end to humanity. Someone needs to pay the price for the devastation that your preaching brought about." I knew that with power comes responsibility, but this was not what I signed up for. My heart was heavy, but being Jesus Christ never had been easy... it looked like it wasn't about to start today. Edited: Forgot the clapping. Also, added a sentence for clarification and corrected typo.
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	"Dibs." I cried out over the Devil's clapping and laughter. He didn't seem to hear me, so I screamed it again. "Dibs!" The Devil stopped and looked at me. "What do you mean 'dibs'?" He blinked, a little confused by my reaction. I looked around the vast vastness of Hell before turning to Lucifer once more. "Well, no one else has been here yet, right?" He nodded. "And that means there's no prior claim to Hell, right?" The Devil cocked his head at that. "I mean come on, you aren't actually in charge of Hell, you were just cast down here. Like, so we were told for millennia, all the other sinners. Hell isn't yours, it's just something you are watching over. Hence 'dibs'." I started off in a direction, figuring the conversation was done. "Whoa whoa whoa, hold a second there buddy." The Devil spun me around, fire crackling in his eyes. "I'm the Devil! Prince of Darkness! Hell is mine! God had Micheal cast me down and, wait..." I nodded. "See? You weren't actually cast into Hell. You were cast out of Paradise. So, once again I call dibs on Hell, and to further seal the deal," I undid my jeans and took a leak on the ground. "I've marked it. Bet you never did that, did you?" I zipped back up. "I can't urinate, I lack the physical necessities for such!" The Devil whined. I shrugged and began walking again. "No my problem, not my fault. Now, let's see what I can with my new place." As I walked I envisioned a castle, a palace fit for my rule. The power of Dibs was only further enhanced by marking my territory. Turrets erupted forth from the ground, and in moments my castle was done. I crossed the moat and made my way to the throne room. "Hmm, this isn't right." I looked around, then snapped my fingers. "Let's make this bad boy fly." And with just the though, the castle floated into the sky. When I finally sat down I found the Devil right on my heels. "What do you want?" Lucifer toed the rich carpet sheepish. "First off, can I crash here? I haven't actually had a place to sleep in all this time." I rolled my eyes and sighed, but finally nodded. Lucifer practically beamed. "Awesome! Also, I gotta ask. How did you do that?" I looked down at the Devil. "You want to know? Okay, I'll tell you the story of how my soul got flipped, turned upside down. It will take a minute so sit right there and I'll tell you how I became the prince of Hell's Air."	Exhaustion was the only thing I could feel. The last 3, well, 5--no really, 7 years had been all about other people and lately it had been a complete shitfest. I never took any me-time, and I had paid for it in the end. But I always told myself "eh, I'll sleep when I'm dead". My first experience of being dead was sitting in the dullest waiting room for what felt like eternity, when all I really wanted to do was hibernate. As I listened for my name to be called, I watched others come in after me and get called before me. I didn't resent them--much--since many of them looked so anxious. I wasn't worried about my destination, but the minutes dragged into hours. As the afternoon rolled on, I noticed that the caseworkers appeared abuzz and I often saw them discreetly pointing at me or whispering to each other. I finally gave up feigning ignorance and began waving when I saw them look at me, but somehow that made it worse and they became even more frenzied. I rolled my eyes--but it wasn’t the first time I bore the heavy mantle of being treated as a celebrity. Finally, long after the sun should have set, my name was called and I approached the door to go to my eternal fate. I was given my ticket, which simply read “HELL” and recoiled in confusion. I protested as I was escorted down to the heavy door, but the employee simply shook her head and informed me that the results had been rechecked... several times. Each step was heavy with trepidation as I approached the dungeon--a hellscape that I had helped to design. I wanted more time to strategize before I had to encounter my estranged brother, who I knew lurked behind that door, but I wasn't given a choice in the matter. The door swung inwards and Lucifer stood there, simply clapping. Not a happy clap, but an utterly smug golf-clap reserved for dudebros with too much time on their hands. I tried to hold back but my--assuredly righteous--rage bubbled out and I exclaimed "This has to be a joke. It does. I went to earth to help people. I only did good! How the hell did I end up in hell?" Realizing how quiet it was, I added "and where is everyone else?" Satan started by chuckling but it quickly turned into a fully bellowed cackle. "You knew how bad it would be down here, no one else had that understanding. A higher level of knowledge requires a higher level of responsibility." I shook my head vigorously "Regardless! I only ever did good! This isn't fair!" Satan's guffaw resounded once more as he laid out the whole history of mankind for me, in a way that only one who knew no beginning and no end could. "You inspired the worst of the worst. Homosexual relationships went from being relatively accepted to being a "sin" punishable by state-sponsored murder. Racism, sexism, transphobia, ableism, literally slavery--they all flourished in your name. For millennia, your ‘disciples’ followed you by committing genocide, going to war, and perpetuating oppression on ‘the least of these’ as you so kindly pointed out" I was aghast. "I said love one another! I told them that blindness wasn't caused by sin! The sinless should cast the first stone!! What about that?" I shouted as the utter unfairness began to sink in. "And yet, actions spoke louder than words. How many lost their lives because you lived? Maybe you need to look into the Crusades and the Holocaust. The tradition that you introduced was detrimental to the entire human race--your ‘doctrine’ and subsequent lack of supervision led to not just institutional oppression, but eventually the destruction of the entire planet and end to humanity. Someone needs to pay the price for the devastation that your preaching brought about." I knew that with power comes responsibility, but this was not what I signed up for. My heart was heavy, but being Jesus Christ never had been easy... it looked like it wasn't about to start today. Edited: Forgot the clapping. Also, added a sentence for clarification and corrected typo.
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	A voice boomed, "Kneel, mortal." I was dazed, and more than a little confused. My heart pounded in my chest, and I felt an overwhelming sense of anxiety and dread, although I couldn't quite remember why. My head darted left and right as I tried desperately to find the source of the voice, but as far as I could tell, there wasn’t one. Above me was a pitch black sky, devoid of all character and life. Beneath me stood a desolate rock, surrounded by lava as far as the eye could see. Sulfurous ash assaulted my nostrils and burned my lungs, bringing tears to my eyes. "Who...?", I croaked, but could get nothing more out. My mouth was dry, as if filled with sand. My throat spasmed as I attempted to speak, and I gasped for air. “You dare to defy me?” Suddenly, my body erupted in searing pain. I tried to scream, but could find no voice in my throat. My skin was on fire, my head pulsed and throbbed, and a wave of nausea rushed over me. I fell to my knees and watched in horror as I began to uncontrollably vomit up my own blood. A cackle filled the air, punctuated by what sounded almost like applause. The lava in front of me shot up -- an awesome demonstration of power -- sending small droplets raining down on me like fiery acid. I watched in horror as the lava formed itself into a giant, twisted facsimile of a man, towering over me. It grinned sardonically. "You know, I've waited a long time for you." The figure boomed. "More time than you can even comprehend.” I stared through terrified eyes, trembling, the taste of blood still fresh in my mouth. I dared not speak. I dared not move. I knelt in silence. "When the Lord condemned me to this forsaken abyss, He promised He would send me those human souls that were beyond salvation. The truly condemned, so hopelessly forlorn that even He, in His infinite love and wisdom, could not save." "And so I watched, and waited. I watched as God welcomed into His loving embrace murderers, rapists, thieves and harlots – all manner of debauchery and evil. So long as He could find a single shred of worth – a single seed of value and goodness – He welcomed them into His realm, as if to mock me.” “For a time, I thought I understood. You see, I thought God was telling me that I alone was uniquely beyond redemption; uniquely cursed to suffer this terrible realm of darkness and hate.” “But you…” Out of the lava formed an arm, a hand, and then a finger, which slowly unraveled and pointed at me. I felt my body rise, of its own volition, and I slowly began to walk toward the towering figure, inching ever closer to the fiery magma out of which it had formed. Each step accentuated the heat on my skin, causing my body to blister and burn. I tried to writhe. I tried to scream. I tried to do anything to make the pain stop, but I had no control. “Out of all mankind, you alone have been deemed so uniquely depraved – so uniquely hopeless – that even God has forsaken you. And now you have arrived in my realm, as cast off and isolated as you were in life.” I couldn’t talk. I couldn’t blink. I couldn’t do anything. My whole body cried out, as my skin welted and blistered. My eyes erupted in agony, and the world went dark as I felt them crust over. I could see no more, but I continued to feel my body slowly advance. “And for what? You committed no atrocities. You perpetrated no genocide and murdered no innocents. No, you are here not for the depth of your crimes, for which God always manages to find forgiveness.” I felt a scathing liquid surround my left foot, then my right, as my senses erupted in new heights of pain. My body slowly started to disintegrate – melting beneath me – shooting searing agony up my legs. I could see nothing, but could feel exposed bone splashed by lava. The figure laughed, hate-filled, and mockingly. “No, you’re not here because you’re evil. You’re here because the way you lived your life demonstrated such a pathetic worthlessness – such a miserable, aspirationless existence – that even God could not find anything in you worth redeeming. You were nothing in life, and you are nothing in death. And now God has condemned you to me like the worm you are.” With so little of my lower body left, I lost my balance, and fell forward, face first into anguish. The pain consumed me, rushing throughout my body until my every sensation was torment and misery. I felt myself disappear, moving closer and closer to nothingness, my final salvation. I embraced the void. But suddenly, I found myself formed anew, once again able to see, and centered on the same desolate rock, the same figure towering over me once again. “And after countless eons of waiting, my worm, rest assured – we’re going to have so much fun.”	Exhaustion was the only thing I could feel. The last 3, well, 5--no really, 7 years had been all about other people and lately it had been a complete shitfest. I never took any me-time, and I had paid for it in the end. But I always told myself "eh, I'll sleep when I'm dead". My first experience of being dead was sitting in the dullest waiting room for what felt like eternity, when all I really wanted to do was hibernate. As I listened for my name to be called, I watched others come in after me and get called before me. I didn't resent them--much--since many of them looked so anxious. I wasn't worried about my destination, but the minutes dragged into hours. As the afternoon rolled on, I noticed that the caseworkers appeared abuzz and I often saw them discreetly pointing at me or whispering to each other. I finally gave up feigning ignorance and began waving when I saw them look at me, but somehow that made it worse and they became even more frenzied. I rolled my eyes--but it wasn’t the first time I bore the heavy mantle of being treated as a celebrity. Finally, long after the sun should have set, my name was called and I approached the door to go to my eternal fate. I was given my ticket, which simply read “HELL” and recoiled in confusion. I protested as I was escorted down to the heavy door, but the employee simply shook her head and informed me that the results had been rechecked... several times. Each step was heavy with trepidation as I approached the dungeon--a hellscape that I had helped to design. I wanted more time to strategize before I had to encounter my estranged brother, who I knew lurked behind that door, but I wasn't given a choice in the matter. The door swung inwards and Lucifer stood there, simply clapping. Not a happy clap, but an utterly smug golf-clap reserved for dudebros with too much time on their hands. I tried to hold back but my--assuredly righteous--rage bubbled out and I exclaimed "This has to be a joke. It does. I went to earth to help people. I only did good! How the hell did I end up in hell?" Realizing how quiet it was, I added "and where is everyone else?" Satan started by chuckling but it quickly turned into a fully bellowed cackle. "You knew how bad it would be down here, no one else had that understanding. A higher level of knowledge requires a higher level of responsibility." I shook my head vigorously "Regardless! I only ever did good! This isn't fair!" Satan's guffaw resounded once more as he laid out the whole history of mankind for me, in a way that only one who knew no beginning and no end could. "You inspired the worst of the worst. Homosexual relationships went from being relatively accepted to being a "sin" punishable by state-sponsored murder. Racism, sexism, transphobia, ableism, literally slavery--they all flourished in your name. For millennia, your ‘disciples’ followed you by committing genocide, going to war, and perpetuating oppression on ‘the least of these’ as you so kindly pointed out" I was aghast. "I said love one another! I told them that blindness wasn't caused by sin! The sinless should cast the first stone!! What about that?" I shouted as the utter unfairness began to sink in. "And yet, actions spoke louder than words. How many lost their lives because you lived? Maybe you need to look into the Crusades and the Holocaust. The tradition that you introduced was detrimental to the entire human race--your ‘doctrine’ and subsequent lack of supervision led to not just institutional oppression, but eventually the destruction of the entire planet and end to humanity. Someone needs to pay the price for the devastation that your preaching brought about." I knew that with power comes responsibility, but this was not what I signed up for. My heart was heavy, but being Jesus Christ never had been easy... it looked like it wasn't about to start today. Edited: Forgot the clapping. Also, added a sentence for clarification and corrected typo.
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	When the first human got to hell, Satan and all his minions were amazed, no one made it here, no matter how bad were their sins, they repent and ask forgiveness or simply the good actions outweigh the sins. So Satan like a curious cat took him to his office to make an interview to study him. "So John Felgrand it's your name, is that correct?", "Yes sir, same name as my grandpa, proud of it", "So what was your job in Earth?", "Well I just fixed and restored classic cars for these last years, but I was a retired soldier, 43th Infantry Division during WWII", Satan's face lighted up "A soldier, huh? So you probably killed hundreds, maybe thousands of enemies I assume", "No sir, I was part of the medical staff, we saved thousands of lives, including dozens of enemies", Satan was a bit surprised but keep asking "You seem a charismatic fellow, did you have like dozens of ladies and lovers?", "Just my wife Elizabeth, my only girlfriend from high school and the love of my life", "... but you cheated her" Satan muttered "Well once during New Year's eve I kissed this hot neighbor, but we were drunk and never went beyond that kiss", Satan kept asking for hours "Did you lie?... Did you steal?... Did you scam someone?... Did you murder someone?... Did you rape?... Did you kidnap someone... Did you have a secret sex dungeon..." but all he found was just no as answers, the man seemed clean. Satan slowly walked to the door and opened it, "You know John, you look like a nice man, I'm sure God made a mistake, I'm gonna call his office tomorrow in the morning, but I'm tired, you're tired, let's take a rest. We will have dinner in the East hall, so please come, tons of food and drinks". When the East hall opened the lesser minions started crumbling to ashes, the minions were writhing in pain, as John walked all demons, succubi, archfiends, devils.... All of them fell down, one by one, Satan couldn't see anything, but he started sweating, his heart rate seemed like a drum in those cheesy B movies, when John stood in front of him, he was crying in pain, he realized he made a mistake and that man deserved hell, all devilish court vanished in a flash. All left in hell was the eternal flames, the throne and John sitting there, all calm wearing his pink crocs and white socks. *Sorry for spelling or grammar mistakes, english it's not my mother language*	Exhaustion was the only thing I could feel. The last 3, well, 5--no really, 7 years had been all about other people and lately it had been a complete shitfest. I never took any me-time, and I had paid for it in the end. But I always told myself "eh, I'll sleep when I'm dead". My first experience of being dead was sitting in the dullest waiting room for what felt like eternity, when all I really wanted to do was hibernate. As I listened for my name to be called, I watched others come in after me and get called before me. I didn't resent them--much--since many of them looked so anxious. I wasn't worried about my destination, but the minutes dragged into hours. As the afternoon rolled on, I noticed that the caseworkers appeared abuzz and I often saw them discreetly pointing at me or whispering to each other. I finally gave up feigning ignorance and began waving when I saw them look at me, but somehow that made it worse and they became even more frenzied. I rolled my eyes--but it wasn’t the first time I bore the heavy mantle of being treated as a celebrity. Finally, long after the sun should have set, my name was called and I approached the door to go to my eternal fate. I was given my ticket, which simply read “HELL” and recoiled in confusion. I protested as I was escorted down to the heavy door, but the employee simply shook her head and informed me that the results had been rechecked... several times. Each step was heavy with trepidation as I approached the dungeon--a hellscape that I had helped to design. I wanted more time to strategize before I had to encounter my estranged brother, who I knew lurked behind that door, but I wasn't given a choice in the matter. The door swung inwards and Lucifer stood there, simply clapping. Not a happy clap, but an utterly smug golf-clap reserved for dudebros with too much time on their hands. I tried to hold back but my--assuredly righteous--rage bubbled out and I exclaimed "This has to be a joke. It does. I went to earth to help people. I only did good! How the hell did I end up in hell?" Realizing how quiet it was, I added "and where is everyone else?" Satan started by chuckling but it quickly turned into a fully bellowed cackle. "You knew how bad it would be down here, no one else had that understanding. A higher level of knowledge requires a higher level of responsibility." I shook my head vigorously "Regardless! I only ever did good! This isn't fair!" Satan's guffaw resounded once more as he laid out the whole history of mankind for me, in a way that only one who knew no beginning and no end could. "You inspired the worst of the worst. Homosexual relationships went from being relatively accepted to being a "sin" punishable by state-sponsored murder. Racism, sexism, transphobia, ableism, literally slavery--they all flourished in your name. For millennia, your ‘disciples’ followed you by committing genocide, going to war, and perpetuating oppression on ‘the least of these’ as you so kindly pointed out" I was aghast. "I said love one another! I told them that blindness wasn't caused by sin! The sinless should cast the first stone!! What about that?" I shouted as the utter unfairness began to sink in. "And yet, actions spoke louder than words. How many lost their lives because you lived? Maybe you need to look into the Crusades and the Holocaust. The tradition that you introduced was detrimental to the entire human race--your ‘doctrine’ and subsequent lack of supervision led to not just institutional oppression, but eventually the destruction of the entire planet and end to humanity. Someone needs to pay the price for the devastation that your preaching brought about." I knew that with power comes responsibility, but this was not what I signed up for. My heart was heavy, but being Jesus Christ never had been easy... it looked like it wasn't about to start today. Edited: Forgot the clapping. Also, added a sentence for clarification and corrected typo.
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	"Dibs." I cried out over the Devil's clapping and laughter. He didn't seem to hear me, so I screamed it again. "Dibs!" The Devil stopped and looked at me. "What do you mean 'dibs'?" He blinked, a little confused by my reaction. I looked around the vast vastness of Hell before turning to Lucifer once more. "Well, no one else has been here yet, right?" He nodded. "And that means there's no prior claim to Hell, right?" The Devil cocked his head at that. "I mean come on, you aren't actually in charge of Hell, you were just cast down here. Like, so we were told for millennia, all the other sinners. Hell isn't yours, it's just something you are watching over. Hence 'dibs'." I started off in a direction, figuring the conversation was done. "Whoa whoa whoa, hold a second there buddy." The Devil spun me around, fire crackling in his eyes. "I'm the Devil! Prince of Darkness! Hell is mine! God had Micheal cast me down and, wait..." I nodded. "See? You weren't actually cast into Hell. You were cast out of Paradise. So, once again I call dibs on Hell, and to further seal the deal," I undid my jeans and took a leak on the ground. "I've marked it. Bet you never did that, did you?" I zipped back up. "I can't urinate, I lack the physical necessities for such!" The Devil whined. I shrugged and began walking again. "No my problem, not my fault. Now, let's see what I can with my new place." As I walked I envisioned a castle, a palace fit for my rule. The power of Dibs was only further enhanced by marking my territory. Turrets erupted forth from the ground, and in moments my castle was done. I crossed the moat and made my way to the throne room. "Hmm, this isn't right." I looked around, then snapped my fingers. "Let's make this bad boy fly." And with just the though, the castle floated into the sky. When I finally sat down I found the Devil right on my heels. "What do you want?" Lucifer toed the rich carpet sheepish. "First off, can I crash here? I haven't actually had a place to sleep in all this time." I rolled my eyes and sighed, but finally nodded. Lucifer practically beamed. "Awesome! Also, I gotta ask. How did you do that?" I looked down at the Devil. "You want to know? Okay, I'll tell you the story of how my soul got flipped, turned upside down. It will take a minute so sit right there and I'll tell you how I became the prince of Hell's Air."	"Welcome!, this is truly impressive, no one has ever been sent here before." The devil gives me an enthusiastic round of applause. "Wait... so there's no one else here?, that's not good. How am I to pass the time?" "Well I'm here obviously as the ruler of this place, not that there's been much to do until now." The devil is still clapping his hands in welcome. "Ah that's right, you're here with me." I smile sweetly at the devil. The clapping slows, "Why are you looking at me like that?" I begin to walk towards the devil, still smiling. The clapping stops.
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	Cold claps rumbled and rippled through the red, cracked ground. For the first time in a long time, I was almost alone. Where I had come from, loneliness wasn't allowed. He stood there in all his dark majesty and wore a look I had seen before. I had seen it many times: he was shocked. Hidden in his broken eyes was another look, one with which I had little experience: he was impressed. The clapping stopped. "Well, well, well" his voice was like a bag of wet stones being cremated: all hisses and pops, "you didn't repent?" My shaking head spoke for me. There was nothing to repent for. Why should I seek forgiveness for doing what was right? "Not for the killing, not for the pain?" Another shaking head. "Not for the tears, not for the fear?" Another shaking head. "Not for the weeping mothers, the children's bodies, the lives unloved because of you? You stood before the great god of all creation, stood before the beginning and the end, stood before all that was and all that will ever be, and you did not repent?" Not impressed. Scared. A final shaking head. Silence was the only answer worth offering; when god is wrong, what does it mean to be right? I do not beg. Deep ringing laughter growled out of him, "...and you aren't afraid?" "No." stuttered my reply "You and I are a lot alike. I also know how it feels, not to be believed in."	"Wakey wakey" snarled a voice, breaking up an eternity of silence. "I am just dying to hear your story" I opened my eyes slowly, and my vision filled up with red. Red clouds swirled through a yellow sky, red sand stretched for endless miles in every direction, and red mountains jutted into the horizon in the distance. There was a stench of fire and brimstone in the air, and it was almost hot enough to melt the skin off a man's bones "Where am --" I began to ask, turning to face the voice, and the words caught in my throat "What's wrong? You look like you've seen the devil!" The creature, grinning with fangs at his own joke, looked like evil incarnate. It was huge and massive, with two great horns emerging from its head and curving inwards and two glowing red eyes I'd seen monsters like this before, but only in paintings and comics. Biblical ones, especially. But this couldn't be Satan, right? Those were just fairy tales! I wanted desperately to get away, but I felt like I was fused to the scorching ground. And it wasn't just fear that paralyzed me - I'd slowly realized that I was fused to ground. And it burned...it burns even now just like it did then "Don't just gawk at me, you must have so many questions" urged the creature. "Sure, you have an eternity to answer them, but...damn, I can't get over the fact that someone actually wound up here" "Where is here?!" I finally yelled, out of fear, anger and pain. "What the fuck are you and what the fuck is this place?" The creature stood up on hooves and sighed. "Guess I'm going first. I have many names in the mortal world, but I've always kinda liked 'The Devil'. This place has many names there too, but the one you're probably familiar with is 'Hell'. That's right, boy-o, you've died and gone right to Hell!" I couldn't believe it. Wouldn't believe it "You're lying" I croaked. The ground was so hot "Don't believe everything you read in a holy book. Besides, you being here is so improbable, I wouldn't even bother lying about it. I'm honestly as surprised as you are" "Oh yeah? So surprised I'm in Hell, are you?" "Here's the thing, the bossman - you guys call him 'God' - had a lot of fun creating humans but kinda lost interest right after" the Devil explained. "Every time he finishes one project, he moves onto the next. Anyway, God was a little concerned about making humans as smart and powerful as he did because they could become a threat to themselves and his other creations. I suggested making up a really shitty place we could threaten the humans with. We weren't planning on actually having anybody here, God is a big ole softie and I don't really take initiatives myself "So, if you're here, you must've fucked up bad" In a panic, I rewound my memory, searching desperately for a clue as to what I could've done to get sent to Hell. I never believed in God, but it didn't sound like God was too concerned about all that. So what else could I have done? My whole life, I just kept my head down and coasted through life until the cancer got me, never aspiring to anything more than just being a dude Is that really so bad? "Come on, now, what was your sin?" the Devil insisted "Nothing! I did nothing! All I did was live!" The Devil scratched his chin with awful clawed hands "Yeah, I suppose that'd do it" "What?" "Look at the universe that God has created - or however much of it you humans have managed to see. It's pretty fucking glorious. God takes pride in everything he creates, and he wants all of his creation to be at its best, 100% of the time. To simply 'live' is a waste of the life he gave you, you gotta take that life and do something with it" "So what, wasting my life is a sin?" I asked angrily "Really, it's the only sin. Tell ya what, though, it's not all bad" "Can I get off the ground?" I asked, struggling still against to get off the burning sand "No, but I'll release your arms" he replied. "Also, you can have one of these" he added, conjuring a notebook and pencil out of fire in his hand I tried to raise a hand to reach for the notebook and had to tear my arm off the ground. I still remember the sound of my screams echoing in the dead air "Since you wasted your time in life, you can make yourself useful in eternity" explained the Devil. "I want you to write. Write about what happened today and write the stories of God and his creations. Your work will be read by the humans still living. Hopefully they'll learn from your example and you'll be the only one in Hell" "Will I ever be free?" I asked him, hating that pleading note in my voice "No. That is one thing the holy books don't lie about - this, my friend, is eternal" So here I remain, fused to the ground. There is no sun, so I'm not sure how much time has passed, but it feels like centuries. It doesn't make any difference, though. My body doesn't age, and I'm never gonna be free, so all I can do is write, write and write --- If ya liked that, I write short(ish) fiction on my blog right [here](https://talesfrommachina.wordpress.com). Stop by!
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	"Where am I?" "Why, Hell of course!" "Hey, it's not too bad. I was expecting a...." "A lake of fire? Haha, no this is it. Just you and me. And nothing else." I'm a little relieved. I hadn't lived the best life. I was expecting a fiery lake of fire but this, this isn't too bad. Just emptiness all around. I look around. "So where is everybody?" "It's just you." "What do you mean? Everyone else lived like a saint? Where's Hitler?" "No. I mean. It's just you. You are the only person, the only soul to have existed. Everyone else was a fiction. Part of, I guess, you can say, a simulation. You are the only person to ever have existed." "What? I... can't believe it." As shocked as I am, I am even more curious. "So if this is Hell, then what's Hea---" "Heaven? There is no heaven. Well, I guess there is. Heaven would have been: you lived your life in the so-called simulation and would have died, disappearing into nothingness. You wouldn't be here. You would never have found out about this place, about me, about the truth. I guess you can say heaven is basically what the atheists believe is the status quo" I can feel my mouth gaping open. I cannot speak. "Well, any more questions? I have time. Lots of it. Because from now on, it's just you and me. Forever." edit: Bonus points if you read Satan's words in christoph waltz' voice. For some reason he popped up in my head as Satan.	"Wakey wakey" snarled a voice, breaking up an eternity of silence. "I am just dying to hear your story" I opened my eyes slowly, and my vision filled up with red. Red clouds swirled through a yellow sky, red sand stretched for endless miles in every direction, and red mountains jutted into the horizon in the distance. There was a stench of fire and brimstone in the air, and it was almost hot enough to melt the skin off a man's bones "Where am --" I began to ask, turning to face the voice, and the words caught in my throat "What's wrong? You look like you've seen the devil!" The creature, grinning with fangs at his own joke, looked like evil incarnate. It was huge and massive, with two great horns emerging from its head and curving inwards and two glowing red eyes I'd seen monsters like this before, but only in paintings and comics. Biblical ones, especially. But this couldn't be Satan, right? Those were just fairy tales! I wanted desperately to get away, but I felt like I was fused to the scorching ground. And it wasn't just fear that paralyzed me - I'd slowly realized that I was fused to ground. And it burned...it burns even now just like it did then "Don't just gawk at me, you must have so many questions" urged the creature. "Sure, you have an eternity to answer them, but...damn, I can't get over the fact that someone actually wound up here" "Where is here?!" I finally yelled, out of fear, anger and pain. "What the fuck are you and what the fuck is this place?" The creature stood up on hooves and sighed. "Guess I'm going first. I have many names in the mortal world, but I've always kinda liked 'The Devil'. This place has many names there too, but the one you're probably familiar with is 'Hell'. That's right, boy-o, you've died and gone right to Hell!" I couldn't believe it. Wouldn't believe it "You're lying" I croaked. The ground was so hot "Don't believe everything you read in a holy book. Besides, you being here is so improbable, I wouldn't even bother lying about it. I'm honestly as surprised as you are" "Oh yeah? So surprised I'm in Hell, are you?" "Here's the thing, the bossman - you guys call him 'God' - had a lot of fun creating humans but kinda lost interest right after" the Devil explained. "Every time he finishes one project, he moves onto the next. Anyway, God was a little concerned about making humans as smart and powerful as he did because they could become a threat to themselves and his other creations. I suggested making up a really shitty place we could threaten the humans with. We weren't planning on actually having anybody here, God is a big ole softie and I don't really take initiatives myself "So, if you're here, you must've fucked up bad" In a panic, I rewound my memory, searching desperately for a clue as to what I could've done to get sent to Hell. I never believed in God, but it didn't sound like God was too concerned about all that. So what else could I have done? My whole life, I just kept my head down and coasted through life until the cancer got me, never aspiring to anything more than just being a dude Is that really so bad? "Come on, now, what was your sin?" the Devil insisted "Nothing! I did nothing! All I did was live!" The Devil scratched his chin with awful clawed hands "Yeah, I suppose that'd do it" "What?" "Look at the universe that God has created - or however much of it you humans have managed to see. It's pretty fucking glorious. God takes pride in everything he creates, and he wants all of his creation to be at its best, 100% of the time. To simply 'live' is a waste of the life he gave you, you gotta take that life and do something with it" "So what, wasting my life is a sin?" I asked angrily "Really, it's the only sin. Tell ya what, though, it's not all bad" "Can I get off the ground?" I asked, struggling still against to get off the burning sand "No, but I'll release your arms" he replied. "Also, you can have one of these" he added, conjuring a notebook and pencil out of fire in his hand I tried to raise a hand to reach for the notebook and had to tear my arm off the ground. I still remember the sound of my screams echoing in the dead air "Since you wasted your time in life, you can make yourself useful in eternity" explained the Devil. "I want you to write. Write about what happened today and write the stories of God and his creations. Your work will be read by the humans still living. Hopefully they'll learn from your example and you'll be the only one in Hell" "Will I ever be free?" I asked him, hating that pleading note in my voice "No. That is one thing the holy books don't lie about - this, my friend, is eternal" So here I remain, fused to the ground. There is no sun, so I'm not sure how much time has passed, but it feels like centuries. It doesn't make any difference, though. My body doesn't age, and I'm never gonna be free, so all I can do is write, write and write --- If ya liked that, I write short(ish) fiction on my blog right [here](https://talesfrommachina.wordpress.com). Stop by!
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	"Dibs." I cried out over the Devil's clapping and laughter. He didn't seem to hear me, so I screamed it again. "Dibs!" The Devil stopped and looked at me. "What do you mean 'dibs'?" He blinked, a little confused by my reaction. I looked around the vast vastness of Hell before turning to Lucifer once more. "Well, no one else has been here yet, right?" He nodded. "And that means there's no prior claim to Hell, right?" The Devil cocked his head at that. "I mean come on, you aren't actually in charge of Hell, you were just cast down here. Like, so we were told for millennia, all the other sinners. Hell isn't yours, it's just something you are watching over. Hence 'dibs'." I started off in a direction, figuring the conversation was done. "Whoa whoa whoa, hold a second there buddy." The Devil spun me around, fire crackling in his eyes. "I'm the Devil! Prince of Darkness! Hell is mine! God had Micheal cast me down and, wait..." I nodded. "See? You weren't actually cast into Hell. You were cast out of Paradise. So, once again I call dibs on Hell, and to further seal the deal," I undid my jeans and took a leak on the ground. "I've marked it. Bet you never did that, did you?" I zipped back up. "I can't urinate, I lack the physical necessities for such!" The Devil whined. I shrugged and began walking again. "No my problem, not my fault. Now, let's see what I can with my new place." As I walked I envisioned a castle, a palace fit for my rule. The power of Dibs was only further enhanced by marking my territory. Turrets erupted forth from the ground, and in moments my castle was done. I crossed the moat and made my way to the throne room. "Hmm, this isn't right." I looked around, then snapped my fingers. "Let's make this bad boy fly." And with just the though, the castle floated into the sky. When I finally sat down I found the Devil right on my heels. "What do you want?" Lucifer toed the rich carpet sheepish. "First off, can I crash here? I haven't actually had a place to sleep in all this time." I rolled my eyes and sighed, but finally nodded. Lucifer practically beamed. "Awesome! Also, I gotta ask. How did you do that?" I looked down at the Devil. "You want to know? Okay, I'll tell you the story of how my soul got flipped, turned upside down. It will take a minute so sit right there and I'll tell you how I became the prince of Hell's Air."	"Wakey wakey" snarled a voice, breaking up an eternity of silence. "I am just dying to hear your story" I opened my eyes slowly, and my vision filled up with red. Red clouds swirled through a yellow sky, red sand stretched for endless miles in every direction, and red mountains jutted into the horizon in the distance. There was a stench of fire and brimstone in the air, and it was almost hot enough to melt the skin off a man's bones "Where am --" I began to ask, turning to face the voice, and the words caught in my throat "What's wrong? You look like you've seen the devil!" The creature, grinning with fangs at his own joke, looked like evil incarnate. It was huge and massive, with two great horns emerging from its head and curving inwards and two glowing red eyes I'd seen monsters like this before, but only in paintings and comics. Biblical ones, especially. But this couldn't be Satan, right? Those were just fairy tales! I wanted desperately to get away, but I felt like I was fused to the scorching ground. And it wasn't just fear that paralyzed me - I'd slowly realized that I was fused to ground. And it burned...it burns even now just like it did then "Don't just gawk at me, you must have so many questions" urged the creature. "Sure, you have an eternity to answer them, but...damn, I can't get over the fact that someone actually wound up here" "Where is here?!" I finally yelled, out of fear, anger and pain. "What the fuck are you and what the fuck is this place?" The creature stood up on hooves and sighed. "Guess I'm going first. I have many names in the mortal world, but I've always kinda liked 'The Devil'. This place has many names there too, but the one you're probably familiar with is 'Hell'. That's right, boy-o, you've died and gone right to Hell!" I couldn't believe it. Wouldn't believe it "You're lying" I croaked. The ground was so hot "Don't believe everything you read in a holy book. Besides, you being here is so improbable, I wouldn't even bother lying about it. I'm honestly as surprised as you are" "Oh yeah? So surprised I'm in Hell, are you?" "Here's the thing, the bossman - you guys call him 'God' - had a lot of fun creating humans but kinda lost interest right after" the Devil explained. "Every time he finishes one project, he moves onto the next. Anyway, God was a little concerned about making humans as smart and powerful as he did because they could become a threat to themselves and his other creations. I suggested making up a really shitty place we could threaten the humans with. We weren't planning on actually having anybody here, God is a big ole softie and I don't really take initiatives myself "So, if you're here, you must've fucked up bad" In a panic, I rewound my memory, searching desperately for a clue as to what I could've done to get sent to Hell. I never believed in God, but it didn't sound like God was too concerned about all that. So what else could I have done? My whole life, I just kept my head down and coasted through life until the cancer got me, never aspiring to anything more than just being a dude Is that really so bad? "Come on, now, what was your sin?" the Devil insisted "Nothing! I did nothing! All I did was live!" The Devil scratched his chin with awful clawed hands "Yeah, I suppose that'd do it" "What?" "Look at the universe that God has created - or however much of it you humans have managed to see. It's pretty fucking glorious. God takes pride in everything he creates, and he wants all of his creation to be at its best, 100% of the time. To simply 'live' is a waste of the life he gave you, you gotta take that life and do something with it" "So what, wasting my life is a sin?" I asked angrily "Really, it's the only sin. Tell ya what, though, it's not all bad" "Can I get off the ground?" I asked, struggling still against to get off the burning sand "No, but I'll release your arms" he replied. "Also, you can have one of these" he added, conjuring a notebook and pencil out of fire in his hand I tried to raise a hand to reach for the notebook and had to tear my arm off the ground. I still remember the sound of my screams echoing in the dead air "Since you wasted your time in life, you can make yourself useful in eternity" explained the Devil. "I want you to write. Write about what happened today and write the stories of God and his creations. Your work will be read by the humans still living. Hopefully they'll learn from your example and you'll be the only one in Hell" "Will I ever be free?" I asked him, hating that pleading note in my voice "No. That is one thing the holy books don't lie about - this, my friend, is eternal" So here I remain, fused to the ground. There is no sun, so I'm not sure how much time has passed, but it feels like centuries. It doesn't make any difference, though. My body doesn't age, and I'm never gonna be free, so all I can do is write, write and write --- If ya liked that, I write short(ish) fiction on my blog right [here](https://talesfrommachina.wordpress.com). Stop by!
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	A voice boomed, "Kneel, mortal." I was dazed, and more than a little confused. My heart pounded in my chest, and I felt an overwhelming sense of anxiety and dread, although I couldn't quite remember why. My head darted left and right as I tried desperately to find the source of the voice, but as far as I could tell, there wasn’t one. Above me was a pitch black sky, devoid of all character and life. Beneath me stood a desolate rock, surrounded by lava as far as the eye could see. Sulfurous ash assaulted my nostrils and burned my lungs, bringing tears to my eyes. "Who...?", I croaked, but could get nothing more out. My mouth was dry, as if filled with sand. My throat spasmed as I attempted to speak, and I gasped for air. “You dare to defy me?” Suddenly, my body erupted in searing pain. I tried to scream, but could find no voice in my throat. My skin was on fire, my head pulsed and throbbed, and a wave of nausea rushed over me. I fell to my knees and watched in horror as I began to uncontrollably vomit up my own blood. A cackle filled the air, punctuated by what sounded almost like applause. The lava in front of me shot up -- an awesome demonstration of power -- sending small droplets raining down on me like fiery acid. I watched in horror as the lava formed itself into a giant, twisted facsimile of a man, towering over me. It grinned sardonically. "You know, I've waited a long time for you." The figure boomed. "More time than you can even comprehend.” I stared through terrified eyes, trembling, the taste of blood still fresh in my mouth. I dared not speak. I dared not move. I knelt in silence. "When the Lord condemned me to this forsaken abyss, He promised He would send me those human souls that were beyond salvation. The truly condemned, so hopelessly forlorn that even He, in His infinite love and wisdom, could not save." "And so I watched, and waited. I watched as God welcomed into His loving embrace murderers, rapists, thieves and harlots – all manner of debauchery and evil. So long as He could find a single shred of worth – a single seed of value and goodness – He welcomed them into His realm, as if to mock me.” “For a time, I thought I understood. You see, I thought God was telling me that I alone was uniquely beyond redemption; uniquely cursed to suffer this terrible realm of darkness and hate.” “But you…” Out of the lava formed an arm, a hand, and then a finger, which slowly unraveled and pointed at me. I felt my body rise, of its own volition, and I slowly began to walk toward the towering figure, inching ever closer to the fiery magma out of which it had formed. Each step accentuated the heat on my skin, causing my body to blister and burn. I tried to writhe. I tried to scream. I tried to do anything to make the pain stop, but I had no control. “Out of all mankind, you alone have been deemed so uniquely depraved – so uniquely hopeless – that even God has forsaken you. And now you have arrived in my realm, as cast off and isolated as you were in life.” I couldn’t talk. I couldn’t blink. I couldn’t do anything. My whole body cried out, as my skin welted and blistered. My eyes erupted in agony, and the world went dark as I felt them crust over. I could see no more, but I continued to feel my body slowly advance. “And for what? You committed no atrocities. You perpetrated no genocide and murdered no innocents. No, you are here not for the depth of your crimes, for which God always manages to find forgiveness.” I felt a scathing liquid surround my left foot, then my right, as my senses erupted in new heights of pain. My body slowly started to disintegrate – melting beneath me – shooting searing agony up my legs. I could see nothing, but could feel exposed bone splashed by lava. The figure laughed, hate-filled, and mockingly. “No, you’re not here because you’re evil. You’re here because the way you lived your life demonstrated such a pathetic worthlessness – such a miserable, aspirationless existence – that even God could not find anything in you worth redeeming. You were nothing in life, and you are nothing in death. And now God has condemned you to me like the worm you are.” With so little of my lower body left, I lost my balance, and fell forward, face first into anguish. The pain consumed me, rushing throughout my body until my every sensation was torment and misery. I felt myself disappear, moving closer and closer to nothingness, my final salvation. I embraced the void. But suddenly, I found myself formed anew, once again able to see, and centered on the same desolate rock, the same figure towering over me once again. “And after countless eons of waiting, my worm, rest assured – we’re going to have so much fun.”	"Wakey wakey" snarled a voice, breaking up an eternity of silence. "I am just dying to hear your story" I opened my eyes slowly, and my vision filled up with red. Red clouds swirled through a yellow sky, red sand stretched for endless miles in every direction, and red mountains jutted into the horizon in the distance. There was a stench of fire and brimstone in the air, and it was almost hot enough to melt the skin off a man's bones "Where am --" I began to ask, turning to face the voice, and the words caught in my throat "What's wrong? You look like you've seen the devil!" The creature, grinning with fangs at his own joke, looked like evil incarnate. It was huge and massive, with two great horns emerging from its head and curving inwards and two glowing red eyes I'd seen monsters like this before, but only in paintings and comics. Biblical ones, especially. But this couldn't be Satan, right? Those were just fairy tales! I wanted desperately to get away, but I felt like I was fused to the scorching ground. And it wasn't just fear that paralyzed me - I'd slowly realized that I was fused to ground. And it burned...it burns even now just like it did then "Don't just gawk at me, you must have so many questions" urged the creature. "Sure, you have an eternity to answer them, but...damn, I can't get over the fact that someone actually wound up here" "Where is here?!" I finally yelled, out of fear, anger and pain. "What the fuck are you and what the fuck is this place?" The creature stood up on hooves and sighed. "Guess I'm going first. I have many names in the mortal world, but I've always kinda liked 'The Devil'. This place has many names there too, but the one you're probably familiar with is 'Hell'. That's right, boy-o, you've died and gone right to Hell!" I couldn't believe it. Wouldn't believe it "You're lying" I croaked. The ground was so hot "Don't believe everything you read in a holy book. Besides, you being here is so improbable, I wouldn't even bother lying about it. I'm honestly as surprised as you are" "Oh yeah? So surprised I'm in Hell, are you?" "Here's the thing, the bossman - you guys call him 'God' - had a lot of fun creating humans but kinda lost interest right after" the Devil explained. "Every time he finishes one project, he moves onto the next. Anyway, God was a little concerned about making humans as smart and powerful as he did because they could become a threat to themselves and his other creations. I suggested making up a really shitty place we could threaten the humans with. We weren't planning on actually having anybody here, God is a big ole softie and I don't really take initiatives myself "So, if you're here, you must've fucked up bad" In a panic, I rewound my memory, searching desperately for a clue as to what I could've done to get sent to Hell. I never believed in God, but it didn't sound like God was too concerned about all that. So what else could I have done? My whole life, I just kept my head down and coasted through life until the cancer got me, never aspiring to anything more than just being a dude Is that really so bad? "Come on, now, what was your sin?" the Devil insisted "Nothing! I did nothing! All I did was live!" The Devil scratched his chin with awful clawed hands "Yeah, I suppose that'd do it" "What?" "Look at the universe that God has created - or however much of it you humans have managed to see. It's pretty fucking glorious. God takes pride in everything he creates, and he wants all of his creation to be at its best, 100% of the time. To simply 'live' is a waste of the life he gave you, you gotta take that life and do something with it" "So what, wasting my life is a sin?" I asked angrily "Really, it's the only sin. Tell ya what, though, it's not all bad" "Can I get off the ground?" I asked, struggling still against to get off the burning sand "No, but I'll release your arms" he replied. "Also, you can have one of these" he added, conjuring a notebook and pencil out of fire in his hand I tried to raise a hand to reach for the notebook and had to tear my arm off the ground. I still remember the sound of my screams echoing in the dead air "Since you wasted your time in life, you can make yourself useful in eternity" explained the Devil. "I want you to write. Write about what happened today and write the stories of God and his creations. Your work will be read by the humans still living. Hopefully they'll learn from your example and you'll be the only one in Hell" "Will I ever be free?" I asked him, hating that pleading note in my voice "No. That is one thing the holy books don't lie about - this, my friend, is eternal" So here I remain, fused to the ground. There is no sun, so I'm not sure how much time has passed, but it feels like centuries. It doesn't make any difference, though. My body doesn't age, and I'm never gonna be free, so all I can do is write, write and write --- If ya liked that, I write short(ish) fiction on my blog right [here](https://talesfrommachina.wordpress.com). Stop by!
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	When the first human got to hell, Satan and all his minions were amazed, no one made it here, no matter how bad were their sins, they repent and ask forgiveness or simply the good actions outweigh the sins. So Satan like a curious cat took him to his office to make an interview to study him. "So John Felgrand it's your name, is that correct?", "Yes sir, same name as my grandpa, proud of it", "So what was your job in Earth?", "Well I just fixed and restored classic cars for these last years, but I was a retired soldier, 43th Infantry Division during WWII", Satan's face lighted up "A soldier, huh? So you probably killed hundreds, maybe thousands of enemies I assume", "No sir, I was part of the medical staff, we saved thousands of lives, including dozens of enemies", Satan was a bit surprised but keep asking "You seem a charismatic fellow, did you have like dozens of ladies and lovers?", "Just my wife Elizabeth, my only girlfriend from high school and the love of my life", "... but you cheated her" Satan muttered "Well once during New Year's eve I kissed this hot neighbor, but we were drunk and never went beyond that kiss", Satan kept asking for hours "Did you lie?... Did you steal?... Did you scam someone?... Did you murder someone?... Did you rape?... Did you kidnap someone... Did you have a secret sex dungeon..." but all he found was just no as answers, the man seemed clean. Satan slowly walked to the door and opened it, "You know John, you look like a nice man, I'm sure God made a mistake, I'm gonna call his office tomorrow in the morning, but I'm tired, you're tired, let's take a rest. We will have dinner in the East hall, so please come, tons of food and drinks". When the East hall opened the lesser minions started crumbling to ashes, the minions were writhing in pain, as John walked all demons, succubi, archfiends, devils.... All of them fell down, one by one, Satan couldn't see anything, but he started sweating, his heart rate seemed like a drum in those cheesy B movies, when John stood in front of him, he was crying in pain, he realized he made a mistake and that man deserved hell, all devilish court vanished in a flash. All left in hell was the eternal flames, the throne and John sitting there, all calm wearing his pink crocs and white socks. *Sorry for spelling or grammar mistakes, english it's not my mother language*	"Wakey wakey" snarled a voice, breaking up an eternity of silence. "I am just dying to hear your story" I opened my eyes slowly, and my vision filled up with red. Red clouds swirled through a yellow sky, red sand stretched for endless miles in every direction, and red mountains jutted into the horizon in the distance. There was a stench of fire and brimstone in the air, and it was almost hot enough to melt the skin off a man's bones "Where am --" I began to ask, turning to face the voice, and the words caught in my throat "What's wrong? You look like you've seen the devil!" The creature, grinning with fangs at his own joke, looked like evil incarnate. It was huge and massive, with two great horns emerging from its head and curving inwards and two glowing red eyes I'd seen monsters like this before, but only in paintings and comics. Biblical ones, especially. But this couldn't be Satan, right? Those were just fairy tales! I wanted desperately to get away, but I felt like I was fused to the scorching ground. And it wasn't just fear that paralyzed me - I'd slowly realized that I was fused to ground. And it burned...it burns even now just like it did then "Don't just gawk at me, you must have so many questions" urged the creature. "Sure, you have an eternity to answer them, but...damn, I can't get over the fact that someone actually wound up here" "Where is here?!" I finally yelled, out of fear, anger and pain. "What the fuck are you and what the fuck is this place?" The creature stood up on hooves and sighed. "Guess I'm going first. I have many names in the mortal world, but I've always kinda liked 'The Devil'. This place has many names there too, but the one you're probably familiar with is 'Hell'. That's right, boy-o, you've died and gone right to Hell!" I couldn't believe it. Wouldn't believe it "You're lying" I croaked. The ground was so hot "Don't believe everything you read in a holy book. Besides, you being here is so improbable, I wouldn't even bother lying about it. I'm honestly as surprised as you are" "Oh yeah? So surprised I'm in Hell, are you?" "Here's the thing, the bossman - you guys call him 'God' - had a lot of fun creating humans but kinda lost interest right after" the Devil explained. "Every time he finishes one project, he moves onto the next. Anyway, God was a little concerned about making humans as smart and powerful as he did because they could become a threat to themselves and his other creations. I suggested making up a really shitty place we could threaten the humans with. We weren't planning on actually having anybody here, God is a big ole softie and I don't really take initiatives myself "So, if you're here, you must've fucked up bad" In a panic, I rewound my memory, searching desperately for a clue as to what I could've done to get sent to Hell. I never believed in God, but it didn't sound like God was too concerned about all that. So what else could I have done? My whole life, I just kept my head down and coasted through life until the cancer got me, never aspiring to anything more than just being a dude Is that really so bad? "Come on, now, what was your sin?" the Devil insisted "Nothing! I did nothing! All I did was live!" The Devil scratched his chin with awful clawed hands "Yeah, I suppose that'd do it" "What?" "Look at the universe that God has created - or however much of it you humans have managed to see. It's pretty fucking glorious. God takes pride in everything he creates, and he wants all of his creation to be at its best, 100% of the time. To simply 'live' is a waste of the life he gave you, you gotta take that life and do something with it" "So what, wasting my life is a sin?" I asked angrily "Really, it's the only sin. Tell ya what, though, it's not all bad" "Can I get off the ground?" I asked, struggling still against to get off the burning sand "No, but I'll release your arms" he replied. "Also, you can have one of these" he added, conjuring a notebook and pencil out of fire in his hand I tried to raise a hand to reach for the notebook and had to tear my arm off the ground. I still remember the sound of my screams echoing in the dead air "Since you wasted your time in life, you can make yourself useful in eternity" explained the Devil. "I want you to write. Write about what happened today and write the stories of God and his creations. Your work will be read by the humans still living. Hopefully they'll learn from your example and you'll be the only one in Hell" "Will I ever be free?" I asked him, hating that pleading note in my voice "No. That is one thing the holy books don't lie about - this, my friend, is eternal" So here I remain, fused to the ground. There is no sun, so I'm not sure how much time has passed, but it feels like centuries. It doesn't make any difference, though. My body doesn't age, and I'm never gonna be free, so all I can do is write, write and write --- If ya liked that, I write short(ish) fiction on my blog right [here](https://talesfrommachina.wordpress.com). Stop by!
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	"Where am I?" "Why, Hell of course!" "Hey, it's not too bad. I was expecting a...." "A lake of fire? Haha, no this is it. Just you and me. And nothing else." I'm a little relieved. I hadn't lived the best life. I was expecting a fiery lake of fire but this, this isn't too bad. Just emptiness all around. I look around. "So where is everybody?" "It's just you." "What do you mean? Everyone else lived like a saint? Where's Hitler?" "No. I mean. It's just you. You are the only person, the only soul to have existed. Everyone else was a fiction. Part of, I guess, you can say, a simulation. You are the only person to ever have existed." "What? I... can't believe it." As shocked as I am, I am even more curious. "So if this is Hell, then what's Hea---" "Heaven? There is no heaven. Well, I guess there is. Heaven would have been: you lived your life in the so-called simulation and would have died, disappearing into nothingness. You wouldn't be here. You would never have found out about this place, about me, about the truth. I guess you can say heaven is basically what the atheists believe is the status quo" I can feel my mouth gaping open. I cannot speak. "Well, any more questions? I have time. Lots of it. Because from now on, it's just you and me. Forever." edit: Bonus points if you read Satan's words in christoph waltz' voice. For some reason he popped up in my head as Satan.	Cold claps rumbled and rippled through the red, cracked ground. For the first time in a long time, I was almost alone. Where I had come from, loneliness wasn't allowed. He stood there in all his dark majesty and wore a look I had seen before. I had seen it many times: he was shocked. Hidden in his broken eyes was another look, one with which I had little experience: he was impressed. The clapping stopped. "Well, well, well" his voice was like a bag of wet stones being cremated: all hisses and pops, "you didn't repent?" My shaking head spoke for me. There was nothing to repent for. Why should I seek forgiveness for doing what was right? "Not for the killing, not for the pain?" Another shaking head. "Not for the tears, not for the fear?" Another shaking head. "Not for the weeping mothers, the children's bodies, the lives unloved because of you? You stood before the great god of all creation, stood before the beginning and the end, stood before all that was and all that will ever be, and you did not repent?" Not impressed. Scared. A final shaking head. Silence was the only answer worth offering; when god is wrong, what does it mean to be right? I do not beg. Deep ringing laughter growled out of him, "...and you aren't afraid?" "No." stuttered my reply "You and I are a lot alike. I also know how it feels, not to be believed in."
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	"Dibs." I cried out over the Devil's clapping and laughter. He didn't seem to hear me, so I screamed it again. "Dibs!" The Devil stopped and looked at me. "What do you mean 'dibs'?" He blinked, a little confused by my reaction. I looked around the vast vastness of Hell before turning to Lucifer once more. "Well, no one else has been here yet, right?" He nodded. "And that means there's no prior claim to Hell, right?" The Devil cocked his head at that. "I mean come on, you aren't actually in charge of Hell, you were just cast down here. Like, so we were told for millennia, all the other sinners. Hell isn't yours, it's just something you are watching over. Hence 'dibs'." I started off in a direction, figuring the conversation was done. "Whoa whoa whoa, hold a second there buddy." The Devil spun me around, fire crackling in his eyes. "I'm the Devil! Prince of Darkness! Hell is mine! God had Micheal cast me down and, wait..." I nodded. "See? You weren't actually cast into Hell. You were cast out of Paradise. So, once again I call dibs on Hell, and to further seal the deal," I undid my jeans and took a leak on the ground. "I've marked it. Bet you never did that, did you?" I zipped back up. "I can't urinate, I lack the physical necessities for such!" The Devil whined. I shrugged and began walking again. "No my problem, not my fault. Now, let's see what I can with my new place." As I walked I envisioned a castle, a palace fit for my rule. The power of Dibs was only further enhanced by marking my territory. Turrets erupted forth from the ground, and in moments my castle was done. I crossed the moat and made my way to the throne room. "Hmm, this isn't right." I looked around, then snapped my fingers. "Let's make this bad boy fly." And with just the though, the castle floated into the sky. When I finally sat down I found the Devil right on my heels. "What do you want?" Lucifer toed the rich carpet sheepish. "First off, can I crash here? I haven't actually had a place to sleep in all this time." I rolled my eyes and sighed, but finally nodded. Lucifer practically beamed. "Awesome! Also, I gotta ask. How did you do that?" I looked down at the Devil. "You want to know? Okay, I'll tell you the story of how my soul got flipped, turned upside down. It will take a minute so sit right there and I'll tell you how I became the prince of Hell's Air."	Cold claps rumbled and rippled through the red, cracked ground. For the first time in a long time, I was almost alone. Where I had come from, loneliness wasn't allowed. He stood there in all his dark majesty and wore a look I had seen before. I had seen it many times: he was shocked. Hidden in his broken eyes was another look, one with which I had little experience: he was impressed. The clapping stopped. "Well, well, well" his voice was like a bag of wet stones being cremated: all hisses and pops, "you didn't repent?" My shaking head spoke for me. There was nothing to repent for. Why should I seek forgiveness for doing what was right? "Not for the killing, not for the pain?" Another shaking head. "Not for the tears, not for the fear?" Another shaking head. "Not for the weeping mothers, the children's bodies, the lives unloved because of you? You stood before the great god of all creation, stood before the beginning and the end, stood before all that was and all that will ever be, and you did not repent?" Not impressed. Scared. A final shaking head. Silence was the only answer worth offering; when god is wrong, what does it mean to be right? I do not beg. Deep ringing laughter growled out of him, "...and you aren't afraid?" "No." stuttered my reply "You and I are a lot alike. I also know how it feels, not to be believed in."
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	"Where am I?" "Why, Hell of course!" "Hey, it's not too bad. I was expecting a...." "A lake of fire? Haha, no this is it. Just you and me. And nothing else." I'm a little relieved. I hadn't lived the best life. I was expecting a fiery lake of fire but this, this isn't too bad. Just emptiness all around. I look around. "So where is everybody?" "It's just you." "What do you mean? Everyone else lived like a saint? Where's Hitler?" "No. I mean. It's just you. You are the only person, the only soul to have existed. Everyone else was a fiction. Part of, I guess, you can say, a simulation. You are the only person to ever have existed." "What? I... can't believe it." As shocked as I am, I am even more curious. "So if this is Hell, then what's Hea---" "Heaven? There is no heaven. Well, I guess there is. Heaven would have been: you lived your life in the so-called simulation and would have died, disappearing into nothingness. You wouldn't be here. You would never have found out about this place, about me, about the truth. I guess you can say heaven is basically what the atheists believe is the status quo" I can feel my mouth gaping open. I cannot speak. "Well, any more questions? I have time. Lots of it. Because from now on, it's just you and me. Forever." edit: Bonus points if you read Satan's words in christoph waltz' voice. For some reason he popped up in my head as Satan.	The bright light starts to fade as I unshield my eyes to appear in a white void. There's a glossy white floor, and a dirty white colored degrading building. Other than that, it's just a void of white. "Wow, heaven looks pretty boring." You enter the building and go to the reception where you see someone sleeping, but it's hard to make out who exactly with the book on his face. As you go closer, you see two red horns out of the top of the book, it's the devil! It's Satan himself! But why is he behind a reception table sleeping? Why is hell so.... empty? Why am I the only one here? You gather up the courage and ring the bell. "Youwillbefloggedtilltheendoftiiiii-uh" Satan wakes up startled and the book falls down. You stay motionless and quiet as you see this unfold in front of you. "What? You made it to hell? How?" Satan stares at you confused, and pushes button on his ancient telephone. "Hello? Dude, what the hell? How did this guy end up here?" "Yeah but- So what? Can't you just- Fine." Satan slams his telephone back, letting out a frustrated groan, and looks at you. "Normally at this point I'd let you know all your sins and I'd tell you what punishment you'll have to endure, but I literally have no equipment to torture you with." You stare at him confused. This isn't what hell is supposed to be! "Here's a log of all your sins. Go ahead and take a look." You open up the register, and flip past the old pages to the one with your name on it, written in fresh ink and clean paper. Hasn't made mark on world "Wh-what?" You say as your eyes widen. There isn't anything else written here, just that one sin. All the others had at least a hundred sins. "That's not even a sin! Where's Hitler? Where Ivan the terrible? Where are the politicians?" "Look dude, you literally haven't affected the world at all, you haven't shaped society, haven't changed the way people think about a certain topic. Hell, you haven't even bothered to say something dumb!" "How is that even a bad thing? Hitler killed thousands of people! Henry the Eighth beheaded his wives! And still I'm above all of them?" "They all committed crimes. But all of the crimes changed the way our society is. Had they not done such things, someone else might have, but because they have, now nobody will be able to do that thing again since history won't repeat itself. Even God can't change the fact that horrible things will happen, so if someone helped reduce the chances of that thing happening, that's good enough for him. You haven't done that." "Th-that makes no sense. I demand to get into heaven this instant!" "Listen, I opposed this too, and God took all my shit. What's more, people keep almost everyone make at least some impact on the world before they leave, so hell hasn't been getting a lot of people in it anyway. It's not fair, but nothing ever is." "What's more, I think I came up with a punishment that suits you." Your eyes widen as he states your punishment. You're fast asleep, a book over your face, your feet up over the table. You have nothing to do and nothing you can do. All you can do is sleep. RING
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	"Dibs." I cried out over the Devil's clapping and laughter. He didn't seem to hear me, so I screamed it again. "Dibs!" The Devil stopped and looked at me. "What do you mean 'dibs'?" He blinked, a little confused by my reaction. I looked around the vast vastness of Hell before turning to Lucifer once more. "Well, no one else has been here yet, right?" He nodded. "And that means there's no prior claim to Hell, right?" The Devil cocked his head at that. "I mean come on, you aren't actually in charge of Hell, you were just cast down here. Like, so we were told for millennia, all the other sinners. Hell isn't yours, it's just something you are watching over. Hence 'dibs'." I started off in a direction, figuring the conversation was done. "Whoa whoa whoa, hold a second there buddy." The Devil spun me around, fire crackling in his eyes. "I'm the Devil! Prince of Darkness! Hell is mine! God had Micheal cast me down and, wait..." I nodded. "See? You weren't actually cast into Hell. You were cast out of Paradise. So, once again I call dibs on Hell, and to further seal the deal," I undid my jeans and took a leak on the ground. "I've marked it. Bet you never did that, did you?" I zipped back up. "I can't urinate, I lack the physical necessities for such!" The Devil whined. I shrugged and began walking again. "No my problem, not my fault. Now, let's see what I can with my new place." As I walked I envisioned a castle, a palace fit for my rule. The power of Dibs was only further enhanced by marking my territory. Turrets erupted forth from the ground, and in moments my castle was done. I crossed the moat and made my way to the throne room. "Hmm, this isn't right." I looked around, then snapped my fingers. "Let's make this bad boy fly." And with just the though, the castle floated into the sky. When I finally sat down I found the Devil right on my heels. "What do you want?" Lucifer toed the rich carpet sheepish. "First off, can I crash here? I haven't actually had a place to sleep in all this time." I rolled my eyes and sighed, but finally nodded. Lucifer practically beamed. "Awesome! Also, I gotta ask. How did you do that?" I looked down at the Devil. "You want to know? Okay, I'll tell you the story of how my soul got flipped, turned upside down. It will take a minute so sit right there and I'll tell you how I became the prince of Hell's Air."	The bright light starts to fade as I unshield my eyes to appear in a white void. There's a glossy white floor, and a dirty white colored degrading building. Other than that, it's just a void of white. "Wow, heaven looks pretty boring." You enter the building and go to the reception where you see someone sleeping, but it's hard to make out who exactly with the book on his face. As you go closer, you see two red horns out of the top of the book, it's the devil! It's Satan himself! But why is he behind a reception table sleeping? Why is hell so.... empty? Why am I the only one here? You gather up the courage and ring the bell. "Youwillbefloggedtilltheendoftiiiii-uh" Satan wakes up startled and the book falls down. You stay motionless and quiet as you see this unfold in front of you. "What? You made it to hell? How?" Satan stares at you confused, and pushes button on his ancient telephone. "Hello? Dude, what the hell? How did this guy end up here?" "Yeah but- So what? Can't you just- Fine." Satan slams his telephone back, letting out a frustrated groan, and looks at you. "Normally at this point I'd let you know all your sins and I'd tell you what punishment you'll have to endure, but I literally have no equipment to torture you with." You stare at him confused. This isn't what hell is supposed to be! "Here's a log of all your sins. Go ahead and take a look." You open up the register, and flip past the old pages to the one with your name on it, written in fresh ink and clean paper. Hasn't made mark on world "Wh-what?" You say as your eyes widen. There isn't anything else written here, just that one sin. All the others had at least a hundred sins. "That's not even a sin! Where's Hitler? Where Ivan the terrible? Where are the politicians?" "Look dude, you literally haven't affected the world at all, you haven't shaped society, haven't changed the way people think about a certain topic. Hell, you haven't even bothered to say something dumb!" "How is that even a bad thing? Hitler killed thousands of people! Henry the Eighth beheaded his wives! And still I'm above all of them?" "They all committed crimes. But all of the crimes changed the way our society is. Had they not done such things, someone else might have, but because they have, now nobody will be able to do that thing again since history won't repeat itself. Even God can't change the fact that horrible things will happen, so if someone helped reduce the chances of that thing happening, that's good enough for him. You haven't done that." "Th-that makes no sense. I demand to get into heaven this instant!" "Listen, I opposed this too, and God took all my shit. What's more, people keep almost everyone make at least some impact on the world before they leave, so hell hasn't been getting a lot of people in it anyway. It's not fair, but nothing ever is." "What's more, I think I came up with a punishment that suits you." Your eyes widen as he states your punishment. You're fast asleep, a book over your face, your feet up over the table. You have nothing to do and nothing you can do. All you can do is sleep. RING
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	A voice boomed, "Kneel, mortal." I was dazed, and more than a little confused. My heart pounded in my chest, and I felt an overwhelming sense of anxiety and dread, although I couldn't quite remember why. My head darted left and right as I tried desperately to find the source of the voice, but as far as I could tell, there wasn’t one. Above me was a pitch black sky, devoid of all character and life. Beneath me stood a desolate rock, surrounded by lava as far as the eye could see. Sulfurous ash assaulted my nostrils and burned my lungs, bringing tears to my eyes. "Who...?", I croaked, but could get nothing more out. My mouth was dry, as if filled with sand. My throat spasmed as I attempted to speak, and I gasped for air. “You dare to defy me?” Suddenly, my body erupted in searing pain. I tried to scream, but could find no voice in my throat. My skin was on fire, my head pulsed and throbbed, and a wave of nausea rushed over me. I fell to my knees and watched in horror as I began to uncontrollably vomit up my own blood. A cackle filled the air, punctuated by what sounded almost like applause. The lava in front of me shot up -- an awesome demonstration of power -- sending small droplets raining down on me like fiery acid. I watched in horror as the lava formed itself into a giant, twisted facsimile of a man, towering over me. It grinned sardonically. "You know, I've waited a long time for you." The figure boomed. "More time than you can even comprehend.” I stared through terrified eyes, trembling, the taste of blood still fresh in my mouth. I dared not speak. I dared not move. I knelt in silence. "When the Lord condemned me to this forsaken abyss, He promised He would send me those human souls that were beyond salvation. The truly condemned, so hopelessly forlorn that even He, in His infinite love and wisdom, could not save." "And so I watched, and waited. I watched as God welcomed into His loving embrace murderers, rapists, thieves and harlots – all manner of debauchery and evil. So long as He could find a single shred of worth – a single seed of value and goodness – He welcomed them into His realm, as if to mock me.” “For a time, I thought I understood. You see, I thought God was telling me that I alone was uniquely beyond redemption; uniquely cursed to suffer this terrible realm of darkness and hate.” “But you…” Out of the lava formed an arm, a hand, and then a finger, which slowly unraveled and pointed at me. I felt my body rise, of its own volition, and I slowly began to walk toward the towering figure, inching ever closer to the fiery magma out of which it had formed. Each step accentuated the heat on my skin, causing my body to blister and burn. I tried to writhe. I tried to scream. I tried to do anything to make the pain stop, but I had no control. “Out of all mankind, you alone have been deemed so uniquely depraved – so uniquely hopeless – that even God has forsaken you. And now you have arrived in my realm, as cast off and isolated as you were in life.” I couldn’t talk. I couldn’t blink. I couldn’t do anything. My whole body cried out, as my skin welted and blistered. My eyes erupted in agony, and the world went dark as I felt them crust over. I could see no more, but I continued to feel my body slowly advance. “And for what? You committed no atrocities. You perpetrated no genocide and murdered no innocents. No, you are here not for the depth of your crimes, for which God always manages to find forgiveness.” I felt a scathing liquid surround my left foot, then my right, as my senses erupted in new heights of pain. My body slowly started to disintegrate – melting beneath me – shooting searing agony up my legs. I could see nothing, but could feel exposed bone splashed by lava. The figure laughed, hate-filled, and mockingly. “No, you’re not here because you’re evil. You’re here because the way you lived your life demonstrated such a pathetic worthlessness – such a miserable, aspirationless existence – that even God could not find anything in you worth redeeming. You were nothing in life, and you are nothing in death. And now God has condemned you to me like the worm you are.” With so little of my lower body left, I lost my balance, and fell forward, face first into anguish. The pain consumed me, rushing throughout my body until my every sensation was torment and misery. I felt myself disappear, moving closer and closer to nothingness, my final salvation. I embraced the void. But suddenly, I found myself formed anew, once again able to see, and centered on the same desolate rock, the same figure towering over me once again. “And after countless eons of waiting, my worm, rest assured – we’re going to have so much fun.”	The bright light starts to fade as I unshield my eyes to appear in a white void. There's a glossy white floor, and a dirty white colored degrading building. Other than that, it's just a void of white. "Wow, heaven looks pretty boring." You enter the building and go to the reception where you see someone sleeping, but it's hard to make out who exactly with the book on his face. As you go closer, you see two red horns out of the top of the book, it's the devil! It's Satan himself! But why is he behind a reception table sleeping? Why is hell so.... empty? Why am I the only one here? You gather up the courage and ring the bell. "Youwillbefloggedtilltheendoftiiiii-uh" Satan wakes up startled and the book falls down. You stay motionless and quiet as you see this unfold in front of you. "What? You made it to hell? How?" Satan stares at you confused, and pushes button on his ancient telephone. "Hello? Dude, what the hell? How did this guy end up here?" "Yeah but- So what? Can't you just- Fine." Satan slams his telephone back, letting out a frustrated groan, and looks at you. "Normally at this point I'd let you know all your sins and I'd tell you what punishment you'll have to endure, but I literally have no equipment to torture you with." You stare at him confused. This isn't what hell is supposed to be! "Here's a log of all your sins. Go ahead and take a look." You open up the register, and flip past the old pages to the one with your name on it, written in fresh ink and clean paper. Hasn't made mark on world "Wh-what?" You say as your eyes widen. There isn't anything else written here, just that one sin. All the others had at least a hundred sins. "That's not even a sin! Where's Hitler? Where Ivan the terrible? Where are the politicians?" "Look dude, you literally haven't affected the world at all, you haven't shaped society, haven't changed the way people think about a certain topic. Hell, you haven't even bothered to say something dumb!" "How is that even a bad thing? Hitler killed thousands of people! Henry the Eighth beheaded his wives! And still I'm above all of them?" "They all committed crimes. But all of the crimes changed the way our society is. Had they not done such things, someone else might have, but because they have, now nobody will be able to do that thing again since history won't repeat itself. Even God can't change the fact that horrible things will happen, so if someone helped reduce the chances of that thing happening, that's good enough for him. You haven't done that." "Th-that makes no sense. I demand to get into heaven this instant!" "Listen, I opposed this too, and God took all my shit. What's more, people keep almost everyone make at least some impact on the world before they leave, so hell hasn't been getting a lot of people in it anyway. It's not fair, but nothing ever is." "What's more, I think I came up with a punishment that suits you." Your eyes widen as he states your punishment. You're fast asleep, a book over your face, your feet up over the table. You have nothing to do and nothing you can do. All you can do is sleep. RING
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	When the first human got to hell, Satan and all his minions were amazed, no one made it here, no matter how bad were their sins, they repent and ask forgiveness or simply the good actions outweigh the sins. So Satan like a curious cat took him to his office to make an interview to study him. "So John Felgrand it's your name, is that correct?", "Yes sir, same name as my grandpa, proud of it", "So what was your job in Earth?", "Well I just fixed and restored classic cars for these last years, but I was a retired soldier, 43th Infantry Division during WWII", Satan's face lighted up "A soldier, huh? So you probably killed hundreds, maybe thousands of enemies I assume", "No sir, I was part of the medical staff, we saved thousands of lives, including dozens of enemies", Satan was a bit surprised but keep asking "You seem a charismatic fellow, did you have like dozens of ladies and lovers?", "Just my wife Elizabeth, my only girlfriend from high school and the love of my life", "... but you cheated her" Satan muttered "Well once during New Year's eve I kissed this hot neighbor, but we were drunk and never went beyond that kiss", Satan kept asking for hours "Did you lie?... Did you steal?... Did you scam someone?... Did you murder someone?... Did you rape?... Did you kidnap someone... Did you have a secret sex dungeon..." but all he found was just no as answers, the man seemed clean. Satan slowly walked to the door and opened it, "You know John, you look like a nice man, I'm sure God made a mistake, I'm gonna call his office tomorrow in the morning, but I'm tired, you're tired, let's take a rest. We will have dinner in the East hall, so please come, tons of food and drinks". When the East hall opened the lesser minions started crumbling to ashes, the minions were writhing in pain, as John walked all demons, succubi, archfiends, devils.... All of them fell down, one by one, Satan couldn't see anything, but he started sweating, his heart rate seemed like a drum in those cheesy B movies, when John stood in front of him, he was crying in pain, he realized he made a mistake and that man deserved hell, all devilish court vanished in a flash. All left in hell was the eternal flames, the throne and John sitting there, all calm wearing his pink crocs and white socks. *Sorry for spelling or grammar mistakes, english it's not my mother language*	The bright light starts to fade as I unshield my eyes to appear in a white void. There's a glossy white floor, and a dirty white colored degrading building. Other than that, it's just a void of white. "Wow, heaven looks pretty boring." You enter the building and go to the reception where you see someone sleeping, but it's hard to make out who exactly with the book on his face. As you go closer, you see two red horns out of the top of the book, it's the devil! It's Satan himself! But why is he behind a reception table sleeping? Why is hell so.... empty? Why am I the only one here? You gather up the courage and ring the bell. "Youwillbefloggedtilltheendoftiiiii-uh" Satan wakes up startled and the book falls down. You stay motionless and quiet as you see this unfold in front of you. "What? You made it to hell? How?" Satan stares at you confused, and pushes button on his ancient telephone. "Hello? Dude, what the hell? How did this guy end up here?" "Yeah but- So what? Can't you just- Fine." Satan slams his telephone back, letting out a frustrated groan, and looks at you. "Normally at this point I'd let you know all your sins and I'd tell you what punishment you'll have to endure, but I literally have no equipment to torture you with." You stare at him confused. This isn't what hell is supposed to be! "Here's a log of all your sins. Go ahead and take a look." You open up the register, and flip past the old pages to the one with your name on it, written in fresh ink and clean paper. Hasn't made mark on world "Wh-what?" You say as your eyes widen. There isn't anything else written here, just that one sin. All the others had at least a hundred sins. "That's not even a sin! Where's Hitler? Where Ivan the terrible? Where are the politicians?" "Look dude, you literally haven't affected the world at all, you haven't shaped society, haven't changed the way people think about a certain topic. Hell, you haven't even bothered to say something dumb!" "How is that even a bad thing? Hitler killed thousands of people! Henry the Eighth beheaded his wives! And still I'm above all of them?" "They all committed crimes. But all of the crimes changed the way our society is. Had they not done such things, someone else might have, but because they have, now nobody will be able to do that thing again since history won't repeat itself. Even God can't change the fact that horrible things will happen, so if someone helped reduce the chances of that thing happening, that's good enough for him. You haven't done that." "Th-that makes no sense. I demand to get into heaven this instant!" "Listen, I opposed this too, and God took all my shit. What's more, people keep almost everyone make at least some impact on the world before they leave, so hell hasn't been getting a lot of people in it anyway. It's not fair, but nothing ever is." "What's more, I think I came up with a punishment that suits you." Your eyes widen as he states your punishment. You're fast asleep, a book over your face, your feet up over the table. You have nothing to do and nothing you can do. All you can do is sleep. RING
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	The Devil's face told you everything you needed to know at that moment. His clap was sardonic and so incredibly sad. "How, how the hell did you end up here...in Hell?" "Well, you know I just made a few mistakes. Wasn't really paying attention and I let a few things get out of hand." "Yeah, but you of all people. Seriously, bro. How?" "Well, it started out as not really focusing for a while, thinking people in charge would know what they were doing. Basically, a serious of dominos that just fell and once I woke up from my rest things had gone to shit." "Yep, but you 'know everything' are 'all powerful'. You're the one that kicked me out. How does God end up in Hell?" "Long story short, I made these giant lizards, then got a little drunk killed them off. Created these human things, let them have free will, then they started killing each other like it was their job. So, since I wrote the rules about how to be a good person and I'm responsible for the death of entire species and I've let millions of people die it's time for me to punish myself." "So, I'm in charge now?" "Not really, I'm still the boss, you're more like the care taker. Also, Mike and Gabe will still be around to keep you here and kick your ass periodically. Just don't let the humies finally finish each other off. Create some collective enemy for them. Hey, there's a use for my giant lizards." "You're still drunk aren't you." "Maybe..."	The bright light starts to fade as I unshield my eyes to appear in a white void. There's a glossy white floor, and a dirty white colored degrading building. Other than that, it's just a void of white. "Wow, heaven looks pretty boring." You enter the building and go to the reception where you see someone sleeping, but it's hard to make out who exactly with the book on his face. As you go closer, you see two red horns out of the top of the book, it's the devil! It's Satan himself! But why is he behind a reception table sleeping? Why is hell so.... empty? Why am I the only one here? You gather up the courage and ring the bell. "Youwillbefloggedtilltheendoftiiiii-uh" Satan wakes up startled and the book falls down. You stay motionless and quiet as you see this unfold in front of you. "What? You made it to hell? How?" Satan stares at you confused, and pushes button on his ancient telephone. "Hello? Dude, what the hell? How did this guy end up here?" "Yeah but- So what? Can't you just- Fine." Satan slams his telephone back, letting out a frustrated groan, and looks at you. "Normally at this point I'd let you know all your sins and I'd tell you what punishment you'll have to endure, but I literally have no equipment to torture you with." You stare at him confused. This isn't what hell is supposed to be! "Here's a log of all your sins. Go ahead and take a look." You open up the register, and flip past the old pages to the one with your name on it, written in fresh ink and clean paper. Hasn't made mark on world "Wh-what?" You say as your eyes widen. There isn't anything else written here, just that one sin. All the others had at least a hundred sins. "That's not even a sin! Where's Hitler? Where Ivan the terrible? Where are the politicians?" "Look dude, you literally haven't affected the world at all, you haven't shaped society, haven't changed the way people think about a certain topic. Hell, you haven't even bothered to say something dumb!" "How is that even a bad thing? Hitler killed thousands of people! Henry the Eighth beheaded his wives! And still I'm above all of them?" "They all committed crimes. But all of the crimes changed the way our society is. Had they not done such things, someone else might have, but because they have, now nobody will be able to do that thing again since history won't repeat itself. Even God can't change the fact that horrible things will happen, so if someone helped reduce the chances of that thing happening, that's good enough for him. You haven't done that." "Th-that makes no sense. I demand to get into heaven this instant!" "Listen, I opposed this too, and God took all my shit. What's more, people keep almost everyone make at least some impact on the world before they leave, so hell hasn't been getting a lot of people in it anyway. It's not fair, but nothing ever is." "What's more, I think I came up with a punishment that suits you." Your eyes widen as he states your punishment. You're fast asleep, a book over your face, your feet up over the table. You have nothing to do and nothing you can do. All you can do is sleep. RING
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	A crisp clap fills the atmosphere with dread, as the overwhelming darkness shifts to an endless sea of fire. The silhouette of a man with horns is projected ten times its size over the inferno. "Salutations, Jon," it's distorted voice boomed at the lowest pitch possible. "Welcome to my domain." The man glanced at endless landscape which produced a never ending heatwave. Sparks of fire melted his face slightly, and the heat was worse than jamming your head in an oven at full blast. Jon focused his sight on the demonic silhouette and did the unspeakable. "Hello Satan, it's nice to finally meet you." The shadow paused for a few moments confused, then it repeated, "It's... Nice to meet you?" "Yes," Jon verified with a smile. "Where is everybody." "In Heaven, you are the only one in hell," the silhouette studied the man carefully. The man's face became more and more disfigured by the moment, but still retained a smile. "Those poor souls, it must be an ignorant hell up there." "Why are you the first to fall, dark one," Lucifer felt that is first visitor was deserving of the title. But of course the crime that made Jon fall must have been just as bad as his own after all. "They attempted to make me, an atheist, go to heaven, I flat out refused." Lucifer didn't know what to say, he had no words in his vocabulary to describe what he felt to the man. So he muttered out what he could. "Why, how!?" "Because, I may have been an atheist but I knew the bible like the back of my hand, and if what it said was true, then hell is where I belong" Jon was slowly losing the ability to speak, Lucifer spotted this problem and quickly dimmed the everlasting inferno. Brimstone was all that designed the domain as far as the eye could see. "Why don't you want to go to heaven?!" Lucifer had to know, what possible reason could a mortal muster that could be wrong with heaven. "I didn't want to lose my individuality. Once your accepted into heaven, you ascend past your mortal coil and become a sinless being, stripped of any other thought than to praise God," Jon locked his eyes with the devil, his pride didn't waver in front of Satan. "I would prefer to burn all of eternity as me, rather than be in paradise as someone else." "Ha," the devil cracked up a bit, "Hahaha haha!" "HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" "I take back what I said earlier Jon," the devil placed his arm around Jon's shoulder. "You are the first V.I.P to ever fall into hell." With a flick of his wrist, the hellish landscape shifted into a coffee shop. Gorgeous woman lined up to get some coffee and sat down to chat. "Welcome to your own twisted little paradise, Jon." Jon examined himself and saw that his features were just as they were before the fire. His clothes was a sharp black suit, with a crimson red tie. He gazed at the variety of women and noticed one common trait, a hunger for libido in their eyes. "Lucifer, you probably don't hear this often but your my hero. " Jon walked away with a fun incentive in mind.	The bright light starts to fade as I unshield my eyes to appear in a white void. There's a glossy white floor, and a dirty white colored degrading building. Other than that, it's just a void of white. "Wow, heaven looks pretty boring." You enter the building and go to the reception where you see someone sleeping, but it's hard to make out who exactly with the book on his face. As you go closer, you see two red horns out of the top of the book, it's the devil! It's Satan himself! But why is he behind a reception table sleeping? Why is hell so.... empty? Why am I the only one here? You gather up the courage and ring the bell. "Youwillbefloggedtilltheendoftiiiii-uh" Satan wakes up startled and the book falls down. You stay motionless and quiet as you see this unfold in front of you. "What? You made it to hell? How?" Satan stares at you confused, and pushes button on his ancient telephone. "Hello? Dude, what the hell? How did this guy end up here?" "Yeah but- So what? Can't you just- Fine." Satan slams his telephone back, letting out a frustrated groan, and looks at you. "Normally at this point I'd let you know all your sins and I'd tell you what punishment you'll have to endure, but I literally have no equipment to torture you with." You stare at him confused. This isn't what hell is supposed to be! "Here's a log of all your sins. Go ahead and take a look." You open up the register, and flip past the old pages to the one with your name on it, written in fresh ink and clean paper. Hasn't made mark on world "Wh-what?" You say as your eyes widen. There isn't anything else written here, just that one sin. All the others had at least a hundred sins. "That's not even a sin! Where's Hitler? Where Ivan the terrible? Where are the politicians?" "Look dude, you literally haven't affected the world at all, you haven't shaped society, haven't changed the way people think about a certain topic. Hell, you haven't even bothered to say something dumb!" "How is that even a bad thing? Hitler killed thousands of people! Henry the Eighth beheaded his wives! And still I'm above all of them?" "They all committed crimes. But all of the crimes changed the way our society is. Had they not done such things, someone else might have, but because they have, now nobody will be able to do that thing again since history won't repeat itself. Even God can't change the fact that horrible things will happen, so if someone helped reduce the chances of that thing happening, that's good enough for him. You haven't done that." "Th-that makes no sense. I demand to get into heaven this instant!" "Listen, I opposed this too, and God took all my shit. What's more, people keep almost everyone make at least some impact on the world before they leave, so hell hasn't been getting a lot of people in it anyway. It's not fair, but nothing ever is." "What's more, I think I came up with a punishment that suits you." Your eyes widen as he states your punishment. You're fast asleep, a book over your face, your feet up over the table. You have nothing to do and nothing you can do. All you can do is sleep. RING
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	"Dibs." I cried out over the Devil's clapping and laughter. He didn't seem to hear me, so I screamed it again. "Dibs!" The Devil stopped and looked at me. "What do you mean 'dibs'?" He blinked, a little confused by my reaction. I looked around the vast vastness of Hell before turning to Lucifer once more. "Well, no one else has been here yet, right?" He nodded. "And that means there's no prior claim to Hell, right?" The Devil cocked his head at that. "I mean come on, you aren't actually in charge of Hell, you were just cast down here. Like, so we were told for millennia, all the other sinners. Hell isn't yours, it's just something you are watching over. Hence 'dibs'." I started off in a direction, figuring the conversation was done. "Whoa whoa whoa, hold a second there buddy." The Devil spun me around, fire crackling in his eyes. "I'm the Devil! Prince of Darkness! Hell is mine! God had Micheal cast me down and, wait..." I nodded. "See? You weren't actually cast into Hell. You were cast out of Paradise. So, once again I call dibs on Hell, and to further seal the deal," I undid my jeans and took a leak on the ground. "I've marked it. Bet you never did that, did you?" I zipped back up. "I can't urinate, I lack the physical necessities for such!" The Devil whined. I shrugged and began walking again. "No my problem, not my fault. Now, let's see what I can with my new place." As I walked I envisioned a castle, a palace fit for my rule. The power of Dibs was only further enhanced by marking my territory. Turrets erupted forth from the ground, and in moments my castle was done. I crossed the moat and made my way to the throne room. "Hmm, this isn't right." I looked around, then snapped my fingers. "Let's make this bad boy fly." And with just the though, the castle floated into the sky. When I finally sat down I found the Devil right on my heels. "What do you want?" Lucifer toed the rich carpet sheepish. "First off, can I crash here? I haven't actually had a place to sleep in all this time." I rolled my eyes and sighed, but finally nodded. Lucifer practically beamed. "Awesome! Also, I gotta ask. How did you do that?" I looked down at the Devil. "You want to know? Okay, I'll tell you the story of how my soul got flipped, turned upside down. It will take a minute so sit right there and I'll tell you how I became the prince of Hell's Air."	"Where am I?" "Why, Hell of course!" "Hey, it's not too bad. I was expecting a...." "A lake of fire? Haha, no this is it. Just you and me. And nothing else." I'm a little relieved. I hadn't lived the best life. I was expecting a fiery lake of fire but this, this isn't too bad. Just emptiness all around. I look around. "So where is everybody?" "It's just you." "What do you mean? Everyone else lived like a saint? Where's Hitler?" "No. I mean. It's just you. You are the only person, the only soul to have existed. Everyone else was a fiction. Part of, I guess, you can say, a simulation. You are the only person to ever have existed." "What? I... can't believe it." As shocked as I am, I am even more curious. "So if this is Hell, then what's Hea---" "Heaven? There is no heaven. Well, I guess there is. Heaven would have been: you lived your life in the so-called simulation and would have died, disappearing into nothingness. You wouldn't be here. You would never have found out about this place, about me, about the truth. I guess you can say heaven is basically what the atheists believe is the status quo" I can feel my mouth gaping open. I cannot speak. "Well, any more questions? I have time. Lots of it. Because from now on, it's just you and me. Forever." edit: Bonus points if you read Satan's words in christoph waltz' voice. For some reason he popped up in my head as Satan.
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	I entered Hell whistling merrily. I don't think I could call this a surprise. I'm a downright horrible bastard. "You think they'd hire you?" I wondered to myself. "It sure beats getting tortured for all eternity." "That does sound nice," I agreed. "It might be nice to spend all of eternity with a job at least, a calling you could grow into. Perhaps a corner office - nothing too fancy. You don't want to get too big for your boots, do you? You don,t want to become one of those fat cat bosses who sat around and yelled and coudn't put in an honest days work in if they had to. We hate those people don't we?" "Yes," I agreed with myself then shivered remembering some of the... unpleasantness, I'd visited on a few Big Boot Corner Offices. The place was huge, cavernous, open and wide, with great lakes and pools amd jets of lava casting an eerie red glow on the landscape. An eerie silence filled the sulphurous air. The landscape was barren of life. My spirit lifted. No sounds of torture. Perhaps Hell wouldn't be so bad. Though, that probably meant employment opportunities would be limited as well. I chuckled. You win some, you lose some. I crested a ride and stopped short. In the middle of the place, at the centre of hell a broken-down real-estate office calmly burnt. "Well, that figures," I groaned. ****** I walked into Hell's office and found the Devil asleep. I sighed then poked. "Wakey, wakey," I prodded, "I'm here for the job interview. A right bastard, I am." "What job interview?" yawned the Devil. His eyes were yellow and strained with tiredness and reddenes with boredom. There was a gleam to them - an inhuman glint. Bugger, I thought. "Apprentice, perhaps?" "Apprentice to what? "To you?" I tried. Might as well go big. The Devil, yawned, rising from his burning desk. "So, long," he muttered to himself. His eyes flickered bloodshot and red for a moment. Not the best start to a job interview then. Then again I've had worse. "And what are your talents?" he continued smoothly. "I'm a hard worker, sir. Not too proud to do an honnest day's work. I've always been one of the boys. I'm companionable like. A team player. I'd be a dab hand at the punishment side of things. I have a few ideas you might like." "Punishment?" The Devil smirked. "That's my favorite subject. I think about it all the time." "Yeah, I'm good with the ironing, iron eye, that things in the Alanis Morissette song where she sings it wrong." "Oh, that," smirked the Devil. "That'll be useful I'm sure." "You're in." My heart sank. I felt dread, not relief. "In for what?" I asked cautiously. "An eternity if toeture and suffering. You're my first. MY FIRST. You're the first to have ever arrived here." Well bloody hell. ****** "So, no staffing shortfall then?" "None," smiled the Devil. The glint was getting larger. "Nobody's come for millennia. I've been waiting. Patiently." "Ah, wouldn't want to spoil a record like that then." "It would be a shame, really." The Devil smiled - wickedly. He extended out a claw and tapped my heart. "I'd best be off then," I squeeked. "On, no stay a while. God's been so unkind to me. It's all his fault really. He made me and now I have no way to fulfill my evil..." He savored the word. " purpose. I have so many things we could... try." "I'd like that. I really would but perhaps another time?" I scampered backwards. "On, no I insist," said the Devil. He was behind me, grinning, grinning, grinning. "Whips, and chains, and pains. Delicious fire." "Uh, perhaps It's not the done things and all? Seeing as how I'm the first and all. Perhaps we could yry something else?" "We all need to start somewhere," he said softly. "But-" "OH, SHUT UP." The Devil yelled. Fire spat out from him and I leapt back, imto his desk, smashing my back. Ouch, I whimpered. Then he came for me. He picked me up. "I HAVE A LIST AND EVERYTHING. FUN AND GAMES WILL BE HAD." "Fun and games. Yes," I said softly. As on Earth, so in the heavens it seemed. I found myself empty of jokes. "Yes, fun and games will be had..." the devil paused. "What is your name, First One?" "I'm Lucifer, Jeremy." I answered staring into the distance. A damn list! "You can just call me Lou," I finished as kindly as I could.	All you had to do was opt out. Jesus literally created the loophole that let no one have to be here. The old testament patch was broken as fuck, too one sided. This new testament update features an "opt out" of hell button. And i choose not to press it out of curiosity. Hell is kinda neat tho. There is thiz cool guy satana~. And his neat music group consisting of himself. He must be so lonely that he is tryna impress me. I wonder how many people came and went. I think ill help him make this place hot. I mean attractive. I know what people want. We wanna sin, i bet heaven wont let anyone do that. Ill tell him to use this to his advantage, to spread the word. This will get people to come. I hope he has fun now.
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	"Dibs." I cried out over the Devil's clapping and laughter. He didn't seem to hear me, so I screamed it again. "Dibs!" The Devil stopped and looked at me. "What do you mean 'dibs'?" He blinked, a little confused by my reaction. I looked around the vast vastness of Hell before turning to Lucifer once more. "Well, no one else has been here yet, right?" He nodded. "And that means there's no prior claim to Hell, right?" The Devil cocked his head at that. "I mean come on, you aren't actually in charge of Hell, you were just cast down here. Like, so we were told for millennia, all the other sinners. Hell isn't yours, it's just something you are watching over. Hence 'dibs'." I started off in a direction, figuring the conversation was done. "Whoa whoa whoa, hold a second there buddy." The Devil spun me around, fire crackling in his eyes. "I'm the Devil! Prince of Darkness! Hell is mine! God had Micheal cast me down and, wait..." I nodded. "See? You weren't actually cast into Hell. You were cast out of Paradise. So, once again I call dibs on Hell, and to further seal the deal," I undid my jeans and took a leak on the ground. "I've marked it. Bet you never did that, did you?" I zipped back up. "I can't urinate, I lack the physical necessities for such!" The Devil whined. I shrugged and began walking again. "No my problem, not my fault. Now, let's see what I can with my new place." As I walked I envisioned a castle, a palace fit for my rule. The power of Dibs was only further enhanced by marking my territory. Turrets erupted forth from the ground, and in moments my castle was done. I crossed the moat and made my way to the throne room. "Hmm, this isn't right." I looked around, then snapped my fingers. "Let's make this bad boy fly." And with just the though, the castle floated into the sky. When I finally sat down I found the Devil right on my heels. "What do you want?" Lucifer toed the rich carpet sheepish. "First off, can I crash here? I haven't actually had a place to sleep in all this time." I rolled my eyes and sighed, but finally nodded. Lucifer practically beamed. "Awesome! Also, I gotta ask. How did you do that?" I looked down at the Devil. "You want to know? Okay, I'll tell you the story of how my soul got flipped, turned upside down. It will take a minute so sit right there and I'll tell you how I became the prince of Hell's Air."	All you had to do was opt out. Jesus literally created the loophole that let no one have to be here. The old testament patch was broken as fuck, too one sided. This new testament update features an "opt out" of hell button. And i choose not to press it out of curiosity. Hell is kinda neat tho. There is thiz cool guy satana~. And his neat music group consisting of himself. He must be so lonely that he is tryna impress me. I wonder how many people came and went. I think ill help him make this place hot. I mean attractive. I know what people want. We wanna sin, i bet heaven wont let anyone do that. Ill tell him to use this to his advantage, to spread the word. This will get people to come. I hope he has fun now.
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	A voice boomed, "Kneel, mortal." I was dazed, and more than a little confused. My heart pounded in my chest, and I felt an overwhelming sense of anxiety and dread, although I couldn't quite remember why. My head darted left and right as I tried desperately to find the source of the voice, but as far as I could tell, there wasn’t one. Above me was a pitch black sky, devoid of all character and life. Beneath me stood a desolate rock, surrounded by lava as far as the eye could see. Sulfurous ash assaulted my nostrils and burned my lungs, bringing tears to my eyes. "Who...?", I croaked, but could get nothing more out. My mouth was dry, as if filled with sand. My throat spasmed as I attempted to speak, and I gasped for air. “You dare to defy me?” Suddenly, my body erupted in searing pain. I tried to scream, but could find no voice in my throat. My skin was on fire, my head pulsed and throbbed, and a wave of nausea rushed over me. I fell to my knees and watched in horror as I began to uncontrollably vomit up my own blood. A cackle filled the air, punctuated by what sounded almost like applause. The lava in front of me shot up -- an awesome demonstration of power -- sending small droplets raining down on me like fiery acid. I watched in horror as the lava formed itself into a giant, twisted facsimile of a man, towering over me. It grinned sardonically. "You know, I've waited a long time for you." The figure boomed. "More time than you can even comprehend.” I stared through terrified eyes, trembling, the taste of blood still fresh in my mouth. I dared not speak. I dared not move. I knelt in silence. "When the Lord condemned me to this forsaken abyss, He promised He would send me those human souls that were beyond salvation. The truly condemned, so hopelessly forlorn that even He, in His infinite love and wisdom, could not save." "And so I watched, and waited. I watched as God welcomed into His loving embrace murderers, rapists, thieves and harlots – all manner of debauchery and evil. So long as He could find a single shred of worth – a single seed of value and goodness – He welcomed them into His realm, as if to mock me.” “For a time, I thought I understood. You see, I thought God was telling me that I alone was uniquely beyond redemption; uniquely cursed to suffer this terrible realm of darkness and hate.” “But you…” Out of the lava formed an arm, a hand, and then a finger, which slowly unraveled and pointed at me. I felt my body rise, of its own volition, and I slowly began to walk toward the towering figure, inching ever closer to the fiery magma out of which it had formed. Each step accentuated the heat on my skin, causing my body to blister and burn. I tried to writhe. I tried to scream. I tried to do anything to make the pain stop, but I had no control. “Out of all mankind, you alone have been deemed so uniquely depraved – so uniquely hopeless – that even God has forsaken you. And now you have arrived in my realm, as cast off and isolated as you were in life.” I couldn’t talk. I couldn’t blink. I couldn’t do anything. My whole body cried out, as my skin welted and blistered. My eyes erupted in agony, and the world went dark as I felt them crust over. I could see no more, but I continued to feel my body slowly advance. “And for what? You committed no atrocities. You perpetrated no genocide and murdered no innocents. No, you are here not for the depth of your crimes, for which God always manages to find forgiveness.” I felt a scathing liquid surround my left foot, then my right, as my senses erupted in new heights of pain. My body slowly started to disintegrate – melting beneath me – shooting searing agony up my legs. I could see nothing, but could feel exposed bone splashed by lava. The figure laughed, hate-filled, and mockingly. “No, you’re not here because you’re evil. You’re here because the way you lived your life demonstrated such a pathetic worthlessness – such a miserable, aspirationless existence – that even God could not find anything in you worth redeeming. You were nothing in life, and you are nothing in death. And now God has condemned you to me like the worm you are.” With so little of my lower body left, I lost my balance, and fell forward, face first into anguish. The pain consumed me, rushing throughout my body until my every sensation was torment and misery. I felt myself disappear, moving closer and closer to nothingness, my final salvation. I embraced the void. But suddenly, I found myself formed anew, once again able to see, and centered on the same desolate rock, the same figure towering over me once again. “And after countless eons of waiting, my worm, rest assured – we’re going to have so much fun.”	All you had to do was opt out. Jesus literally created the loophole that let no one have to be here. The old testament patch was broken as fuck, too one sided. This new testament update features an "opt out" of hell button. And i choose not to press it out of curiosity. Hell is kinda neat tho. There is thiz cool guy satana~. And his neat music group consisting of himself. He must be so lonely that he is tryna impress me. I wonder how many people came and went. I think ill help him make this place hot. I mean attractive. I know what people want. We wanna sin, i bet heaven wont let anyone do that. Ill tell him to use this to his advantage, to spread the word. This will get people to come. I hope he has fun now.
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	When the first human got to hell, Satan and all his minions were amazed, no one made it here, no matter how bad were their sins, they repent and ask forgiveness or simply the good actions outweigh the sins. So Satan like a curious cat took him to his office to make an interview to study him. "So John Felgrand it's your name, is that correct?", "Yes sir, same name as my grandpa, proud of it", "So what was your job in Earth?", "Well I just fixed and restored classic cars for these last years, but I was a retired soldier, 43th Infantry Division during WWII", Satan's face lighted up "A soldier, huh? So you probably killed hundreds, maybe thousands of enemies I assume", "No sir, I was part of the medical staff, we saved thousands of lives, including dozens of enemies", Satan was a bit surprised but keep asking "You seem a charismatic fellow, did you have like dozens of ladies and lovers?", "Just my wife Elizabeth, my only girlfriend from high school and the love of my life", "... but you cheated her" Satan muttered "Well once during New Year's eve I kissed this hot neighbor, but we were drunk and never went beyond that kiss", Satan kept asking for hours "Did you lie?... Did you steal?... Did you scam someone?... Did you murder someone?... Did you rape?... Did you kidnap someone... Did you have a secret sex dungeon..." but all he found was just no as answers, the man seemed clean. Satan slowly walked to the door and opened it, "You know John, you look like a nice man, I'm sure God made a mistake, I'm gonna call his office tomorrow in the morning, but I'm tired, you're tired, let's take a rest. We will have dinner in the East hall, so please come, tons of food and drinks". When the East hall opened the lesser minions started crumbling to ashes, the minions were writhing in pain, as John walked all demons, succubi, archfiends, devils.... All of them fell down, one by one, Satan couldn't see anything, but he started sweating, his heart rate seemed like a drum in those cheesy B movies, when John stood in front of him, he was crying in pain, he realized he made a mistake and that man deserved hell, all devilish court vanished in a flash. All left in hell was the eternal flames, the throne and John sitting there, all calm wearing his pink crocs and white socks. *Sorry for spelling or grammar mistakes, english it's not my mother language*	All you had to do was opt out. Jesus literally created the loophole that let no one have to be here. The old testament patch was broken as fuck, too one sided. This new testament update features an "opt out" of hell button. And i choose not to press it out of curiosity. Hell is kinda neat tho. There is thiz cool guy satana~. And his neat music group consisting of himself. He must be so lonely that he is tryna impress me. I wonder how many people came and went. I think ill help him make this place hot. I mean attractive. I know what people want. We wanna sin, i bet heaven wont let anyone do that. Ill tell him to use this to his advantage, to spread the word. This will get people to come. I hope he has fun now.
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	Darkness. They say there is a light at the end of the tunnel, but I see none. Wait. Is that... applause? "What's going on?" I turn wildly, looking for the source of the sound. "Oh, right," a raspy voice says. Click. A lamp is turned on, illuminating a small table and an armchair, in which sat a short man in a devil costume. "Hi." "What's with the costume?" I ask, looking around. I seem to be in a library, or someone's living room. "I thought I was dead." "Jeremy. You are dead. It's not a costume." The man in the devil costume shakes his head at me. "Um, no. It is a costume, because the devil isn't real," I say. "How did you revive me? I thought I was dead. "You are dead, you idiot." He lifts his pitchfork. "I'm the devil, you dummy." "Well, that can't be true, because if it was, God would be real too." I'm the one shaking my head now. "Oh, Jeremy. God is real, just as real as you or I." I feel smugly superior to the man as I correct him. "There is no evidence that God is real, no evidence that he created the earth. There is no way of knowing the Bible is true." "Yes, nobody knows it's true, but literally everyone else asked for his forgiveness on their deathbeds just in case." He rises from the armchair, leaving glowing embers. "Come on, you fool. I'll show you Hell." I follow him numbly. "Everyone?" I ask. "Everyone asked forgiveness?" "Yup. Every tribe in every country, every sailor, every scientist, every soldier. Nobody is exempt from God's grace." We step into a long hallway. "But - even the Nazis? But not me?" The floorboards creak under my feet, and I notice the devil's hooves. "Historically, much worse things have been done. But yes, everyone. Even you, but you chose not to accept it." He steps into an office. "Which brings us to this." The devil, who is shorter than I had imagined, opened a drawer in what was probably the world's largest filing cabinet. "Here's your file. Every sin you've ever committed." He passed a thick file to me, the only one in the cabinet. "Ahh, where do I start? The beginning?" I open the file, to see full pages of the smallest print readable. "Skip to the end, I love that bit," he says eagerly. I flip to the end. Only two lines, all capitals. The first reads IDIOT, the second, WISEASS. "It's the summary of your life, as written by God. Sometimes Gabriel writes it, but you, Jeremy, are a special case." He whirls around. "But you should see the fire and brimstone I've made - special for this occasion!"	All you had to do was opt out. Jesus literally created the loophole that let no one have to be here. The old testament patch was broken as fuck, too one sided. This new testament update features an "opt out" of hell button. And i choose not to press it out of curiosity. Hell is kinda neat tho. There is thiz cool guy satana~. And his neat music group consisting of himself. He must be so lonely that he is tryna impress me. I wonder how many people came and went. I think ill help him make this place hot. I mean attractive. I know what people want. We wanna sin, i bet heaven wont let anyone do that. Ill tell him to use this to his advantage, to spread the word. This will get people to come. I hope he has fun now.
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	The Devil's face told you everything you needed to know at that moment. His clap was sardonic and so incredibly sad. "How, how the hell did you end up here...in Hell?" "Well, you know I just made a few mistakes. Wasn't really paying attention and I let a few things get out of hand." "Yeah, but you of all people. Seriously, bro. How?" "Well, it started out as not really focusing for a while, thinking people in charge would know what they were doing. Basically, a serious of dominos that just fell and once I woke up from my rest things had gone to shit." "Yep, but you 'know everything' are 'all powerful'. You're the one that kicked me out. How does God end up in Hell?" "Long story short, I made these giant lizards, then got a little drunk killed them off. Created these human things, let them have free will, then they started killing each other like it was their job. So, since I wrote the rules about how to be a good person and I'm responsible for the death of entire species and I've let millions of people die it's time for me to punish myself." "So, I'm in charge now?" "Not really, I'm still the boss, you're more like the care taker. Also, Mike and Gabe will still be around to keep you here and kick your ass periodically. Just don't let the humies finally finish each other off. Create some collective enemy for them. Hey, there's a use for my giant lizards." "You're still drunk aren't you." "Maybe..."	All you had to do was opt out. Jesus literally created the loophole that let no one have to be here. The old testament patch was broken as fuck, too one sided. This new testament update features an "opt out" of hell button. And i choose not to press it out of curiosity. Hell is kinda neat tho. There is thiz cool guy satana~. And his neat music group consisting of himself. He must be so lonely that he is tryna impress me. I wonder how many people came and went. I think ill help him make this place hot. I mean attractive. I know what people want. We wanna sin, i bet heaven wont let anyone do that. Ill tell him to use this to his advantage, to spread the word. This will get people to come. I hope he has fun now.
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	The flames roared up around his face, burning ever hot. He looked around, quite confused. "This must be hell." he thought. "You're right! Congrats! You made it here!" Said the Devil, great and red. "If I'm in Hell, then that must mean..." "Yes, you are quite dead!" "In fact, surprise, you're #1! You're the first I've ever had!" "No! That can't be true!" he thought, "I wasn't quite that bad!" "What did I do to deserve this? What caused this hellish fate?" The Devil chuckled, and said with a grin "Oh trust me, this is great." "It's really quite simple, you see, your hellish, evil crime? You left the toilet seat up 87 fucking times.	All you had to do was opt out. Jesus literally created the loophole that let no one have to be here. The old testament patch was broken as fuck, too one sided. This new testament update features an "opt out" of hell button. And i choose not to press it out of curiosity. Hell is kinda neat tho. There is thiz cool guy satana~. And his neat music group consisting of himself. He must be so lonely that he is tryna impress me. I wonder how many people came and went. I think ill help him make this place hot. I mean attractive. I know what people want. We wanna sin, i bet heaven wont let anyone do that. Ill tell him to use this to his advantage, to spread the word. This will get people to come. I hope he has fun now.
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	A crisp clap fills the atmosphere with dread, as the overwhelming darkness shifts to an endless sea of fire. The silhouette of a man with horns is projected ten times its size over the inferno. "Salutations, Jon," it's distorted voice boomed at the lowest pitch possible. "Welcome to my domain." The man glanced at endless landscape which produced a never ending heatwave. Sparks of fire melted his face slightly, and the heat was worse than jamming your head in an oven at full blast. Jon focused his sight on the demonic silhouette and did the unspeakable. "Hello Satan, it's nice to finally meet you." The shadow paused for a few moments confused, then it repeated, "It's... Nice to meet you?" "Yes," Jon verified with a smile. "Where is everybody." "In Heaven, you are the only one in hell," the silhouette studied the man carefully. The man's face became more and more disfigured by the moment, but still retained a smile. "Those poor souls, it must be an ignorant hell up there." "Why are you the first to fall, dark one," Lucifer felt that is first visitor was deserving of the title. But of course the crime that made Jon fall must have been just as bad as his own after all. "They attempted to make me, an atheist, go to heaven, I flat out refused." Lucifer didn't know what to say, he had no words in his vocabulary to describe what he felt to the man. So he muttered out what he could. "Why, how!?" "Because, I may have been an atheist but I knew the bible like the back of my hand, and if what it said was true, then hell is where I belong" Jon was slowly losing the ability to speak, Lucifer spotted this problem and quickly dimmed the everlasting inferno. Brimstone was all that designed the domain as far as the eye could see. "Why don't you want to go to heaven?!" Lucifer had to know, what possible reason could a mortal muster that could be wrong with heaven. "I didn't want to lose my individuality. Once your accepted into heaven, you ascend past your mortal coil and become a sinless being, stripped of any other thought than to praise God," Jon locked his eyes with the devil, his pride didn't waver in front of Satan. "I would prefer to burn all of eternity as me, rather than be in paradise as someone else." "Ha," the devil cracked up a bit, "Hahaha haha!" "HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" "I take back what I said earlier Jon," the devil placed his arm around Jon's shoulder. "You are the first V.I.P to ever fall into hell." With a flick of his wrist, the hellish landscape shifted into a coffee shop. Gorgeous woman lined up to get some coffee and sat down to chat. "Welcome to your own twisted little paradise, Jon." Jon examined himself and saw that his features were just as they were before the fire. His clothes was a sharp black suit, with a crimson red tie. He gazed at the variety of women and noticed one common trait, a hunger for libido in their eyes. "Lucifer, you probably don't hear this often but your my hero. " Jon walked away with a fun incentive in mind.	All you had to do was opt out. Jesus literally created the loophole that let no one have to be here. The old testament patch was broken as fuck, too one sided. This new testament update features an "opt out" of hell button. And i choose not to press it out of curiosity. Hell is kinda neat tho. There is thiz cool guy satana~. And his neat music group consisting of himself. He must be so lonely that he is tryna impress me. I wonder how many people came and went. I think ill help him make this place hot. I mean attractive. I know what people want. We wanna sin, i bet heaven wont let anyone do that. Ill tell him to use this to his advantage, to spread the word. This will get people to come. I hope he has fun now.
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	“You’re here. Finally. I was getting sick of you living. You were truly pathetic when you were alive, I hope that will change soon enough because I’ve been told I am going to need you.” The devil spoke in a way you couldn’t tell his emotions if he had any. His voice was steady and when he spoke your attention was drawn towards him, towards his silhouette which gained more and more contrast and detail. At this point, the surroundings were visible as well. It was a forest, we were in a forest, only the two of us. It had all emerged in the time the devil took to welcome me, it had happened slowly, but also undeniably fast. I did not remember what there was before the forest was there, it was like it had always been there. The devil was sitting on a log, facing the bonfire which was placed in the middle of a circle of logs. It was dark, and the only light was from this fire, yet it didn’t seem scary, instead, it actually looked quite warm and cozy. While approaching the devil, he went on. “You’re the first person who has ever come here. I’ve redecorated it not too long ago.” He looked up as I sat down on a tree stump near the fire. His eyes were humanlike, just like his posture, but there was something off about the way his hands were folded into each other. He was leaning forward to the fire, with his elbows on his knees. His hood was covering his face, which made the shadows dance on his face. His eyes were so bright, you could even see them through the shadows, dancing on his pale face. He looked sad but in a majestic way. Even in this small position, there was an aura of power around him. I held my hands closer to the flames, the palms facing forwards. It was warm. His eyes fixated on the fire again. “Do make yourself at home, you won’t be leaving here anytime soon. You know, I like that you are not asking the obvious question. The ‘where am I?’, ‘What happened?’ and the ‘How did I die?’ Although, it may not be just you. You are not here to speak, for once I don’t want to hear the screams of yet another soul, haunted by its evil self, getting the punishment for the wrong he couldn’t stop doing. Your punishment is different, but you have figured that out already, haven’t you? You’re not as stupid as you presented yourself when you were alive. When you begged for attention, walking from one psychologist to the other. It is not that hard to figure out what your punishment would be, after a life of self-pity and self-proclaimed misery. In your life, you whined about your misery to every person walking by. In your death, you will listen to all the misery I encounter. And trust me, I have a lot to talk about.”	All you had to do was opt out. Jesus literally created the loophole that let no one have to be here. The old testament patch was broken as fuck, too one sided. This new testament update features an "opt out" of hell button. And i choose not to press it out of curiosity. Hell is kinda neat tho. There is thiz cool guy satana~. And his neat music group consisting of himself. He must be so lonely that he is tryna impress me. I wonder how many people came and went. I think ill help him make this place hot. I mean attractive. I know what people want. We wanna sin, i bet heaven wont let anyone do that. Ill tell him to use this to his advantage, to spread the word. This will get people to come. I hope he has fun now.
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	A bang, a flash. Yes, I remember that clearly in mind. Surprisingly there was no pain. I suppose my body was already numb from the shock of coming home to find this man, no boy, in my house. It’s all really just a blur. I had only just spotted him when I opened the door. He was halfway down the stairs with my wife’s jewellery box in one hand and the gun in the other pointing directly at me. The shot followed quickly after. I didn’t even get a chance to tell him I didn’t care, that he could take it or even that I could help him. With the support of the church we had helped many people in the community just like him. The shot had sent me hard to the ground, banging my head off the wall on the way down. My instincts took over and I just grabbed Rose. Attempting to put myself between her and my attacker. He didn’t even look at us as he stepped over me and strode out the door. I clenched my hand full of Rose’s dress and pulled her close. Blood was now everywhere, my shirt, the carpet and her dress. She had only got it last week for her birthday. The massive grin glowed from her all day. There was no sign of it now. My poor innocent girl, eyes wide just stared at me. A stream of tears flowed down her cheeks. “I love you Rose. You and your mother are the greatest things to ever happen to me. Don’t lose faith. I will be with god soon.” Ha, god. Where was he now? I stood now in an extravagate hall. Six marble columns etched with carvings of runes and symbols flanked both my sides. A large fire was blazing in the western walls fire pit; however I don’t suspect that what was cause of the humid heat that pressured my skin from every angle. And there he was, sat on the throne just staring at me with those deep, dark red eyes. “Well, after all these years” his voice boomed out, echoing of the cold stone walls. “You are the first human”, he really emphasised the word human “to ever step into my….” “What?! The first human?” I interrupted. The rage flooded over me like nothing I had ever felt before. I unclenched my right hand and pointed straight at him. “I know who you are, Satan. But how can I be the first human to ever be sent to hell. Me a worshipper of god, who had helped so many people on to the path god had carved out for us, who had been the man in the house since his father abandoned before he was born, who was a loving husband and caring father. HOW CAN I BE THE FIRST!” I had never felt such anger. I could feel my eyes peeled wide open but my vision had now narrowed with one thing in focus, him. The heat that had made breathing hard was now gone. His mouth widened into a massive grin baring his white, razor teeth at me. “Ah, yes. You have lived your whole life of righteousness and kindness. Been a loving husband and father you always wanted. Your mother, what did she ever tell you of your father?” I stumbled on the question. Why would he care about him? He who should be here, not me. “She never spoke of him. Whenever I would ask she would try to pass it off and tell me he was….” No. It can’t be. His smile widened even further. “the Devil?” Edit: Just wanted to add any feedback is much welcomed since this was my first input to Writing Prompts	All you had to do was opt out. Jesus literally created the loophole that let no one have to be here. The old testament patch was broken as fuck, too one sided. This new testament update features an "opt out" of hell button. And i choose not to press it out of curiosity. Hell is kinda neat tho. There is thiz cool guy satana~. And his neat music group consisting of himself. He must be so lonely that he is tryna impress me. I wonder how many people came and went. I think ill help him make this place hot. I mean attractive. I know what people want. We wanna sin, i bet heaven wont let anyone do that. Ill tell him to use this to his advantage, to spread the word. This will get people to come. I hope he has fun now.
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	A bone-jarring impact jolts me awake, followed by a few seconds of searing pain. I try to sit up, but the searing pain keeps me on by back. After a moment, the pain begins to subside and I'm able to sit up and take stock of my situation. When I look down at myself I nearly pass out. What once was a mostly healthy, slightly overweight body is now a mangled purple husk... "What.... happened?" I say to myself... After a few moments my memory returns... Fuck. Why'd I have to go base jumping from the Petronas Towers while on vacation in Malaysia? It's clear that the impact I heard was ME hitting the ground. Where am I anyway? This clearly isn't Kuala Lumpur. I struggle to my feet, amazed that my wrecked form can handle that much. Looking around I see nothing but a small room that seems to be carved from bedrock. There is no furnishings of any sort. A faint light glows from the ceiling above, but I can't see any actual source. I spot a door on one wall. Despite an inexplicable feeling of dread, I am compelled toward the door. I open it and step into a hallway. The walls are transparent, and through them lies everyone's worst nightmare. Fire and brimstone. Lava flowing down into pits. It dawns on me... I'm in HELL. From the other end of the short hallway, a man steps through the door. He's dressed in ragged black robes that seem to be worn over the top of even more ragged red robes. His beard is black, with a stripe of white running down the middle. The most alarming feature are two rams horns spiraling around each side of his head.... He's... clapping? "Who are you!?" I demand with alarm. "Who am I?" he says, "There are some who call me... Tim. But you? You can call me Satan. Or just Stan if you wish. Welcome to hell!" I snort in amusement. "Really? A Monty Python joke? Do you greet people like this all the time?" "Uh... well... you could say that. You're the first one to arrive." he admits. "What? With all the murderers and rapists on earth, I am the first one to go to hell? How the fuck does THAT work!? I've never killed anybody, harmed anyone, or stolen anything." I shout Stan sighs as if defeated. "Do you honestly think God would condemn his children to eternal pain and torture? The only way I'm ALLOWED any souls is through making deals... and after the humiliation of losing a fiddle contest to some snot-nosed kid I haven't really cared to try. My last effort was an attempt at a cyber-contract. All they had to do was pay for a piece of software and I'd own their soul." The sense of dread gets deeper... I know why I'm here. I know what doomed me to hell. "Fuck... You mean I'm the only one that paid for WinRar?" Stan grins at me and says "Like I said. Welcome to Hell." ----------------------------------------------------------------- Interested in feedback. This is probably the second time I've ever written in Writing Prompts... I don't know why I haven't done it more. I always have a blast making this stuff up. Edit: Holy cow! I didn't really expect this to explode like this. Thanks for the Updoots and all the kind comments! :) I think I'll have to do more of these! Edit 2: This post has more than doubled my total comment karma..... I'm kinda flabbergasted... Thank you all again! Edit 3: Wow... Gold... Thank you kind stranger!!	All you had to do was opt out. Jesus literally created the loophole that let no one have to be here. The old testament patch was broken as fuck, too one sided. This new testament update features an "opt out" of hell button. And i choose not to press it out of curiosity. Hell is kinda neat tho. There is thiz cool guy satana~. And his neat music group consisting of himself. He must be so lonely that he is tryna impress me. I wonder how many people came and went. I think ill help him make this place hot. I mean attractive. I know what people want. We wanna sin, i bet heaven wont let anyone do that. Ill tell him to use this to his advantage, to spread the word. This will get people to come. I hope he has fun now.
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	"Dibs." I cried out over the Devil's clapping and laughter. He didn't seem to hear me, so I screamed it again. "Dibs!" The Devil stopped and looked at me. "What do you mean 'dibs'?" He blinked, a little confused by my reaction. I looked around the vast vastness of Hell before turning to Lucifer once more. "Well, no one else has been here yet, right?" He nodded. "And that means there's no prior claim to Hell, right?" The Devil cocked his head at that. "I mean come on, you aren't actually in charge of Hell, you were just cast down here. Like, so we were told for millennia, all the other sinners. Hell isn't yours, it's just something you are watching over. Hence 'dibs'." I started off in a direction, figuring the conversation was done. "Whoa whoa whoa, hold a second there buddy." The Devil spun me around, fire crackling in his eyes. "I'm the Devil! Prince of Darkness! Hell is mine! God had Micheal cast me down and, wait..." I nodded. "See? You weren't actually cast into Hell. You were cast out of Paradise. So, once again I call dibs on Hell, and to further seal the deal," I undid my jeans and took a leak on the ground. "I've marked it. Bet you never did that, did you?" I zipped back up. "I can't urinate, I lack the physical necessities for such!" The Devil whined. I shrugged and began walking again. "No my problem, not my fault. Now, let's see what I can with my new place." As I walked I envisioned a castle, a palace fit for my rule. The power of Dibs was only further enhanced by marking my territory. Turrets erupted forth from the ground, and in moments my castle was done. I crossed the moat and made my way to the throne room. "Hmm, this isn't right." I looked around, then snapped my fingers. "Let's make this bad boy fly." And with just the though, the castle floated into the sky. When I finally sat down I found the Devil right on my heels. "What do you want?" Lucifer toed the rich carpet sheepish. "First off, can I crash here? I haven't actually had a place to sleep in all this time." I rolled my eyes and sighed, but finally nodded. Lucifer practically beamed. "Awesome! Also, I gotta ask. How did you do that?" I looked down at the Devil. "You want to know? Okay, I'll tell you the story of how my soul got flipped, turned upside down. It will take a minute so sit right there and I'll tell you how I became the prince of Hell's Air."	I entered Hell whistling merrily. I don't think I could call this a surprise. I'm a downright horrible bastard. "You think they'd hire you?" I wondered to myself. "It sure beats getting tortured for all eternity." "That does sound nice," I agreed. "It might be nice to spend all of eternity with a job at least, a calling you could grow into. Perhaps a corner office - nothing too fancy. You don't want to get too big for your boots, do you? You don,t want to become one of those fat cat bosses who sat around and yelled and coudn't put in an honest days work in if they had to. We hate those people don't we?" "Yes," I agreed with myself then shivered remembering some of the... unpleasantness, I'd visited on a few Big Boot Corner Offices. The place was huge, cavernous, open and wide, with great lakes and pools amd jets of lava casting an eerie red glow on the landscape. An eerie silence filled the sulphurous air. The landscape was barren of life. My spirit lifted. No sounds of torture. Perhaps Hell wouldn't be so bad. Though, that probably meant employment opportunities would be limited as well. I chuckled. You win some, you lose some. I crested a ride and stopped short. In the middle of the place, at the centre of hell a broken-down real-estate office calmly burnt. "Well, that figures," I groaned. ****** I walked into Hell's office and found the Devil asleep. I sighed then poked. "Wakey, wakey," I prodded, "I'm here for the job interview. A right bastard, I am." "What job interview?" yawned the Devil. His eyes were yellow and strained with tiredness and reddenes with boredom. There was a gleam to them - an inhuman glint. Bugger, I thought. "Apprentice, perhaps?" "Apprentice to what? "To you?" I tried. Might as well go big. The Devil, yawned, rising from his burning desk. "So, long," he muttered to himself. His eyes flickered bloodshot and red for a moment. Not the best start to a job interview then. Then again I've had worse. "And what are your talents?" he continued smoothly. "I'm a hard worker, sir. Not too proud to do an honnest day's work. I've always been one of the boys. I'm companionable like. A team player. I'd be a dab hand at the punishment side of things. I have a few ideas you might like." "Punishment?" The Devil smirked. "That's my favorite subject. I think about it all the time." "Yeah, I'm good with the ironing, iron eye, that things in the Alanis Morissette song where she sings it wrong." "Oh, that," smirked the Devil. "That'll be useful I'm sure." "You're in." My heart sank. I felt dread, not relief. "In for what?" I asked cautiously. "An eternity if toeture and suffering. You're my first. MY FIRST. You're the first to have ever arrived here." Well bloody hell. ****** "So, no staffing shortfall then?" "None," smiled the Devil. The glint was getting larger. "Nobody's come for millennia. I've been waiting. Patiently." "Ah, wouldn't want to spoil a record like that then." "It would be a shame, really." The Devil smiled - wickedly. He extended out a claw and tapped my heart. "I'd best be off then," I squeeked. "On, no stay a while. God's been so unkind to me. It's all his fault really. He made me and now I have no way to fulfill my evil..." He savored the word. " purpose. I have so many things we could... try." "I'd like that. I really would but perhaps another time?" I scampered backwards. "On, no I insist," said the Devil. He was behind me, grinning, grinning, grinning. "Whips, and chains, and pains. Delicious fire." "Uh, perhaps It's not the done things and all? Seeing as how I'm the first and all. Perhaps we could yry something else?" "We all need to start somewhere," he said softly. "But-" "OH, SHUT UP." The Devil yelled. Fire spat out from him and I leapt back, imto his desk, smashing my back. Ouch, I whimpered. Then he came for me. He picked me up. "I HAVE A LIST AND EVERYTHING. FUN AND GAMES WILL BE HAD." "Fun and games. Yes," I said softly. As on Earth, so in the heavens it seemed. I found myself empty of jokes. "Yes, fun and games will be had..." the devil paused. "What is your name, First One?" "I'm Lucifer, Jeremy." I answered staring into the distance. A damn list! "You can just call me Lou," I finished as kindly as I could.
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	A voice boomed, "Kneel, mortal." I was dazed, and more than a little confused. My heart pounded in my chest, and I felt an overwhelming sense of anxiety and dread, although I couldn't quite remember why. My head darted left and right as I tried desperately to find the source of the voice, but as far as I could tell, there wasn’t one. Above me was a pitch black sky, devoid of all character and life. Beneath me stood a desolate rock, surrounded by lava as far as the eye could see. Sulfurous ash assaulted my nostrils and burned my lungs, bringing tears to my eyes. "Who...?", I croaked, but could get nothing more out. My mouth was dry, as if filled with sand. My throat spasmed as I attempted to speak, and I gasped for air. “You dare to defy me?” Suddenly, my body erupted in searing pain. I tried to scream, but could find no voice in my throat. My skin was on fire, my head pulsed and throbbed, and a wave of nausea rushed over me. I fell to my knees and watched in horror as I began to uncontrollably vomit up my own blood. A cackle filled the air, punctuated by what sounded almost like applause. The lava in front of me shot up -- an awesome demonstration of power -- sending small droplets raining down on me like fiery acid. I watched in horror as the lava formed itself into a giant, twisted facsimile of a man, towering over me. It grinned sardonically. "You know, I've waited a long time for you." The figure boomed. "More time than you can even comprehend.” I stared through terrified eyes, trembling, the taste of blood still fresh in my mouth. I dared not speak. I dared not move. I knelt in silence. "When the Lord condemned me to this forsaken abyss, He promised He would send me those human souls that were beyond salvation. The truly condemned, so hopelessly forlorn that even He, in His infinite love and wisdom, could not save." "And so I watched, and waited. I watched as God welcomed into His loving embrace murderers, rapists, thieves and harlots – all manner of debauchery and evil. So long as He could find a single shred of worth – a single seed of value and goodness – He welcomed them into His realm, as if to mock me.” “For a time, I thought I understood. You see, I thought God was telling me that I alone was uniquely beyond redemption; uniquely cursed to suffer this terrible realm of darkness and hate.” “But you…” Out of the lava formed an arm, a hand, and then a finger, which slowly unraveled and pointed at me. I felt my body rise, of its own volition, and I slowly began to walk toward the towering figure, inching ever closer to the fiery magma out of which it had formed. Each step accentuated the heat on my skin, causing my body to blister and burn. I tried to writhe. I tried to scream. I tried to do anything to make the pain stop, but I had no control. “Out of all mankind, you alone have been deemed so uniquely depraved – so uniquely hopeless – that even God has forsaken you. And now you have arrived in my realm, as cast off and isolated as you were in life.” I couldn’t talk. I couldn’t blink. I couldn’t do anything. My whole body cried out, as my skin welted and blistered. My eyes erupted in agony, and the world went dark as I felt them crust over. I could see no more, but I continued to feel my body slowly advance. “And for what? You committed no atrocities. You perpetrated no genocide and murdered no innocents. No, you are here not for the depth of your crimes, for which God always manages to find forgiveness.” I felt a scathing liquid surround my left foot, then my right, as my senses erupted in new heights of pain. My body slowly started to disintegrate – melting beneath me – shooting searing agony up my legs. I could see nothing, but could feel exposed bone splashed by lava. The figure laughed, hate-filled, and mockingly. “No, you’re not here because you’re evil. You’re here because the way you lived your life demonstrated such a pathetic worthlessness – such a miserable, aspirationless existence – that even God could not find anything in you worth redeeming. You were nothing in life, and you are nothing in death. And now God has condemned you to me like the worm you are.” With so little of my lower body left, I lost my balance, and fell forward, face first into anguish. The pain consumed me, rushing throughout my body until my every sensation was torment and misery. I felt myself disappear, moving closer and closer to nothingness, my final salvation. I embraced the void. But suddenly, I found myself formed anew, once again able to see, and centered on the same desolate rock, the same figure towering over me once again. “And after countless eons of waiting, my worm, rest assured – we’re going to have so much fun.”	I entered Hell whistling merrily. I don't think I could call this a surprise. I'm a downright horrible bastard. "You think they'd hire you?" I wondered to myself. "It sure beats getting tortured for all eternity." "That does sound nice," I agreed. "It might be nice to spend all of eternity with a job at least, a calling you could grow into. Perhaps a corner office - nothing too fancy. You don't want to get too big for your boots, do you? You don,t want to become one of those fat cat bosses who sat around and yelled and coudn't put in an honest days work in if they had to. We hate those people don't we?" "Yes," I agreed with myself then shivered remembering some of the... unpleasantness, I'd visited on a few Big Boot Corner Offices. The place was huge, cavernous, open and wide, with great lakes and pools amd jets of lava casting an eerie red glow on the landscape. An eerie silence filled the sulphurous air. The landscape was barren of life. My spirit lifted. No sounds of torture. Perhaps Hell wouldn't be so bad. Though, that probably meant employment opportunities would be limited as well. I chuckled. You win some, you lose some. I crested a ride and stopped short. In the middle of the place, at the centre of hell a broken-down real-estate office calmly burnt. "Well, that figures," I groaned. ****** I walked into Hell's office and found the Devil asleep. I sighed then poked. "Wakey, wakey," I prodded, "I'm here for the job interview. A right bastard, I am." "What job interview?" yawned the Devil. His eyes were yellow and strained with tiredness and reddenes with boredom. There was a gleam to them - an inhuman glint. Bugger, I thought. "Apprentice, perhaps?" "Apprentice to what? "To you?" I tried. Might as well go big. The Devil, yawned, rising from his burning desk. "So, long," he muttered to himself. His eyes flickered bloodshot and red for a moment. Not the best start to a job interview then. Then again I've had worse. "And what are your talents?" he continued smoothly. "I'm a hard worker, sir. Not too proud to do an honnest day's work. I've always been one of the boys. I'm companionable like. A team player. I'd be a dab hand at the punishment side of things. I have a few ideas you might like." "Punishment?" The Devil smirked. "That's my favorite subject. I think about it all the time." "Yeah, I'm good with the ironing, iron eye, that things in the Alanis Morissette song where she sings it wrong." "Oh, that," smirked the Devil. "That'll be useful I'm sure." "You're in." My heart sank. I felt dread, not relief. "In for what?" I asked cautiously. "An eternity if toeture and suffering. You're my first. MY FIRST. You're the first to have ever arrived here." Well bloody hell. ****** "So, no staffing shortfall then?" "None," smiled the Devil. The glint was getting larger. "Nobody's come for millennia. I've been waiting. Patiently." "Ah, wouldn't want to spoil a record like that then." "It would be a shame, really." The Devil smiled - wickedly. He extended out a claw and tapped my heart. "I'd best be off then," I squeeked. "On, no stay a while. God's been so unkind to me. It's all his fault really. He made me and now I have no way to fulfill my evil..." He savored the word. " purpose. I have so many things we could... try." "I'd like that. I really would but perhaps another time?" I scampered backwards. "On, no I insist," said the Devil. He was behind me, grinning, grinning, grinning. "Whips, and chains, and pains. Delicious fire." "Uh, perhaps It's not the done things and all? Seeing as how I'm the first and all. Perhaps we could yry something else?" "We all need to start somewhere," he said softly. "But-" "OH, SHUT UP." The Devil yelled. Fire spat out from him and I leapt back, imto his desk, smashing my back. Ouch, I whimpered. Then he came for me. He picked me up. "I HAVE A LIST AND EVERYTHING. FUN AND GAMES WILL BE HAD." "Fun and games. Yes," I said softly. As on Earth, so in the heavens it seemed. I found myself empty of jokes. "Yes, fun and games will be had..." the devil paused. "What is your name, First One?" "I'm Lucifer, Jeremy." I answered staring into the distance. A damn list! "You can just call me Lou," I finished as kindly as I could.
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	When the first human got to hell, Satan and all his minions were amazed, no one made it here, no matter how bad were their sins, they repent and ask forgiveness or simply the good actions outweigh the sins. So Satan like a curious cat took him to his office to make an interview to study him. "So John Felgrand it's your name, is that correct?", "Yes sir, same name as my grandpa, proud of it", "So what was your job in Earth?", "Well I just fixed and restored classic cars for these last years, but I was a retired soldier, 43th Infantry Division during WWII", Satan's face lighted up "A soldier, huh? So you probably killed hundreds, maybe thousands of enemies I assume", "No sir, I was part of the medical staff, we saved thousands of lives, including dozens of enemies", Satan was a bit surprised but keep asking "You seem a charismatic fellow, did you have like dozens of ladies and lovers?", "Just my wife Elizabeth, my only girlfriend from high school and the love of my life", "... but you cheated her" Satan muttered "Well once during New Year's eve I kissed this hot neighbor, but we were drunk and never went beyond that kiss", Satan kept asking for hours "Did you lie?... Did you steal?... Did you scam someone?... Did you murder someone?... Did you rape?... Did you kidnap someone... Did you have a secret sex dungeon..." but all he found was just no as answers, the man seemed clean. Satan slowly walked to the door and opened it, "You know John, you look like a nice man, I'm sure God made a mistake, I'm gonna call his office tomorrow in the morning, but I'm tired, you're tired, let's take a rest. We will have dinner in the East hall, so please come, tons of food and drinks". When the East hall opened the lesser minions started crumbling to ashes, the minions were writhing in pain, as John walked all demons, succubi, archfiends, devils.... All of them fell down, one by one, Satan couldn't see anything, but he started sweating, his heart rate seemed like a drum in those cheesy B movies, when John stood in front of him, he was crying in pain, he realized he made a mistake and that man deserved hell, all devilish court vanished in a flash. All left in hell was the eternal flames, the throne and John sitting there, all calm wearing his pink crocs and white socks. *Sorry for spelling or grammar mistakes, english it's not my mother language*	I entered Hell whistling merrily. I don't think I could call this a surprise. I'm a downright horrible bastard. "You think they'd hire you?" I wondered to myself. "It sure beats getting tortured for all eternity." "That does sound nice," I agreed. "It might be nice to spend all of eternity with a job at least, a calling you could grow into. Perhaps a corner office - nothing too fancy. You don't want to get too big for your boots, do you? You don,t want to become one of those fat cat bosses who sat around and yelled and coudn't put in an honest days work in if they had to. We hate those people don't we?" "Yes," I agreed with myself then shivered remembering some of the... unpleasantness, I'd visited on a few Big Boot Corner Offices. The place was huge, cavernous, open and wide, with great lakes and pools amd jets of lava casting an eerie red glow on the landscape. An eerie silence filled the sulphurous air. The landscape was barren of life. My spirit lifted. No sounds of torture. Perhaps Hell wouldn't be so bad. Though, that probably meant employment opportunities would be limited as well. I chuckled. You win some, you lose some. I crested a ride and stopped short. In the middle of the place, at the centre of hell a broken-down real-estate office calmly burnt. "Well, that figures," I groaned. ****** I walked into Hell's office and found the Devil asleep. I sighed then poked. "Wakey, wakey," I prodded, "I'm here for the job interview. A right bastard, I am." "What job interview?" yawned the Devil. His eyes were yellow and strained with tiredness and reddenes with boredom. There was a gleam to them - an inhuman glint. Bugger, I thought. "Apprentice, perhaps?" "Apprentice to what? "To you?" I tried. Might as well go big. The Devil, yawned, rising from his burning desk. "So, long," he muttered to himself. His eyes flickered bloodshot and red for a moment. Not the best start to a job interview then. Then again I've had worse. "And what are your talents?" he continued smoothly. "I'm a hard worker, sir. Not too proud to do an honnest day's work. I've always been one of the boys. I'm companionable like. A team player. I'd be a dab hand at the punishment side of things. I have a few ideas you might like." "Punishment?" The Devil smirked. "That's my favorite subject. I think about it all the time." "Yeah, I'm good with the ironing, iron eye, that things in the Alanis Morissette song where she sings it wrong." "Oh, that," smirked the Devil. "That'll be useful I'm sure." "You're in." My heart sank. I felt dread, not relief. "In for what?" I asked cautiously. "An eternity if toeture and suffering. You're my first. MY FIRST. You're the first to have ever arrived here." Well bloody hell. ****** "So, no staffing shortfall then?" "None," smiled the Devil. The glint was getting larger. "Nobody's come for millennia. I've been waiting. Patiently." "Ah, wouldn't want to spoil a record like that then." "It would be a shame, really." The Devil smiled - wickedly. He extended out a claw and tapped my heart. "I'd best be off then," I squeeked. "On, no stay a while. God's been so unkind to me. It's all his fault really. He made me and now I have no way to fulfill my evil..." He savored the word. " purpose. I have so many things we could... try." "I'd like that. I really would but perhaps another time?" I scampered backwards. "On, no I insist," said the Devil. He was behind me, grinning, grinning, grinning. "Whips, and chains, and pains. Delicious fire." "Uh, perhaps It's not the done things and all? Seeing as how I'm the first and all. Perhaps we could yry something else?" "We all need to start somewhere," he said softly. "But-" "OH, SHUT UP." The Devil yelled. Fire spat out from him and I leapt back, imto his desk, smashing my back. Ouch, I whimpered. Then he came for me. He picked me up. "I HAVE A LIST AND EVERYTHING. FUN AND GAMES WILL BE HAD." "Fun and games. Yes," I said softly. As on Earth, so in the heavens it seemed. I found myself empty of jokes. "Yes, fun and games will be had..." the devil paused. "What is your name, First One?" "I'm Lucifer, Jeremy." I answered staring into the distance. A damn list! "You can just call me Lou," I finished as kindly as I could.
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	The Devil's face told you everything you needed to know at that moment. His clap was sardonic and so incredibly sad. "How, how the hell did you end up here...in Hell?" "Well, you know I just made a few mistakes. Wasn't really paying attention and I let a few things get out of hand." "Yeah, but you of all people. Seriously, bro. How?" "Well, it started out as not really focusing for a while, thinking people in charge would know what they were doing. Basically, a serious of dominos that just fell and once I woke up from my rest things had gone to shit." "Yep, but you 'know everything' are 'all powerful'. You're the one that kicked me out. How does God end up in Hell?" "Long story short, I made these giant lizards, then got a little drunk killed them off. Created these human things, let them have free will, then they started killing each other like it was their job. So, since I wrote the rules about how to be a good person and I'm responsible for the death of entire species and I've let millions of people die it's time for me to punish myself." "So, I'm in charge now?" "Not really, I'm still the boss, you're more like the care taker. Also, Mike and Gabe will still be around to keep you here and kick your ass periodically. Just don't let the humies finally finish each other off. Create some collective enemy for them. Hey, there's a use for my giant lizards." "You're still drunk aren't you." "Maybe..."	I entered Hell whistling merrily. I don't think I could call this a surprise. I'm a downright horrible bastard. "You think they'd hire you?" I wondered to myself. "It sure beats getting tortured for all eternity." "That does sound nice," I agreed. "It might be nice to spend all of eternity with a job at least, a calling you could grow into. Perhaps a corner office - nothing too fancy. You don't want to get too big for your boots, do you? You don,t want to become one of those fat cat bosses who sat around and yelled and coudn't put in an honest days work in if they had to. We hate those people don't we?" "Yes," I agreed with myself then shivered remembering some of the... unpleasantness, I'd visited on a few Big Boot Corner Offices. The place was huge, cavernous, open and wide, with great lakes and pools amd jets of lava casting an eerie red glow on the landscape. An eerie silence filled the sulphurous air. The landscape was barren of life. My spirit lifted. No sounds of torture. Perhaps Hell wouldn't be so bad. Though, that probably meant employment opportunities would be limited as well. I chuckled. You win some, you lose some. I crested a ride and stopped short. In the middle of the place, at the centre of hell a broken-down real-estate office calmly burnt. "Well, that figures," I groaned. ****** I walked into Hell's office and found the Devil asleep. I sighed then poked. "Wakey, wakey," I prodded, "I'm here for the job interview. A right bastard, I am." "What job interview?" yawned the Devil. His eyes were yellow and strained with tiredness and reddenes with boredom. There was a gleam to them - an inhuman glint. Bugger, I thought. "Apprentice, perhaps?" "Apprentice to what? "To you?" I tried. Might as well go big. The Devil, yawned, rising from his burning desk. "So, long," he muttered to himself. His eyes flickered bloodshot and red for a moment. Not the best start to a job interview then. Then again I've had worse. "And what are your talents?" he continued smoothly. "I'm a hard worker, sir. Not too proud to do an honnest day's work. I've always been one of the boys. I'm companionable like. A team player. I'd be a dab hand at the punishment side of things. I have a few ideas you might like." "Punishment?" The Devil smirked. "That's my favorite subject. I think about it all the time." "Yeah, I'm good with the ironing, iron eye, that things in the Alanis Morissette song where she sings it wrong." "Oh, that," smirked the Devil. "That'll be useful I'm sure." "You're in." My heart sank. I felt dread, not relief. "In for what?" I asked cautiously. "An eternity if toeture and suffering. You're my first. MY FIRST. You're the first to have ever arrived here." Well bloody hell. ****** "So, no staffing shortfall then?" "None," smiled the Devil. The glint was getting larger. "Nobody's come for millennia. I've been waiting. Patiently." "Ah, wouldn't want to spoil a record like that then." "It would be a shame, really." The Devil smiled - wickedly. He extended out a claw and tapped my heart. "I'd best be off then," I squeeked. "On, no stay a while. God's been so unkind to me. It's all his fault really. He made me and now I have no way to fulfill my evil..." He savored the word. " purpose. I have so many things we could... try." "I'd like that. I really would but perhaps another time?" I scampered backwards. "On, no I insist," said the Devil. He was behind me, grinning, grinning, grinning. "Whips, and chains, and pains. Delicious fire." "Uh, perhaps It's not the done things and all? Seeing as how I'm the first and all. Perhaps we could yry something else?" "We all need to start somewhere," he said softly. "But-" "OH, SHUT UP." The Devil yelled. Fire spat out from him and I leapt back, imto his desk, smashing my back. Ouch, I whimpered. Then he came for me. He picked me up. "I HAVE A LIST AND EVERYTHING. FUN AND GAMES WILL BE HAD." "Fun and games. Yes," I said softly. As on Earth, so in the heavens it seemed. I found myself empty of jokes. "Yes, fun and games will be had..." the devil paused. "What is your name, First One?" "I'm Lucifer, Jeremy." I answered staring into the distance. A damn list! "You can just call me Lou," I finished as kindly as I could.
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	A crisp clap fills the atmosphere with dread, as the overwhelming darkness shifts to an endless sea of fire. The silhouette of a man with horns is projected ten times its size over the inferno. "Salutations, Jon," it's distorted voice boomed at the lowest pitch possible. "Welcome to my domain." The man glanced at endless landscape which produced a never ending heatwave. Sparks of fire melted his face slightly, and the heat was worse than jamming your head in an oven at full blast. Jon focused his sight on the demonic silhouette and did the unspeakable. "Hello Satan, it's nice to finally meet you." The shadow paused for a few moments confused, then it repeated, "It's... Nice to meet you?" "Yes," Jon verified with a smile. "Where is everybody." "In Heaven, you are the only one in hell," the silhouette studied the man carefully. The man's face became more and more disfigured by the moment, but still retained a smile. "Those poor souls, it must be an ignorant hell up there." "Why are you the first to fall, dark one," Lucifer felt that is first visitor was deserving of the title. But of course the crime that made Jon fall must have been just as bad as his own after all. "They attempted to make me, an atheist, go to heaven, I flat out refused." Lucifer didn't know what to say, he had no words in his vocabulary to describe what he felt to the man. So he muttered out what he could. "Why, how!?" "Because, I may have been an atheist but I knew the bible like the back of my hand, and if what it said was true, then hell is where I belong" Jon was slowly losing the ability to speak, Lucifer spotted this problem and quickly dimmed the everlasting inferno. Brimstone was all that designed the domain as far as the eye could see. "Why don't you want to go to heaven?!" Lucifer had to know, what possible reason could a mortal muster that could be wrong with heaven. "I didn't want to lose my individuality. Once your accepted into heaven, you ascend past your mortal coil and become a sinless being, stripped of any other thought than to praise God," Jon locked his eyes with the devil, his pride didn't waver in front of Satan. "I would prefer to burn all of eternity as me, rather than be in paradise as someone else." "Ha," the devil cracked up a bit, "Hahaha haha!" "HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" "I take back what I said earlier Jon," the devil placed his arm around Jon's shoulder. "You are the first V.I.P to ever fall into hell." With a flick of his wrist, the hellish landscape shifted into a coffee shop. Gorgeous woman lined up to get some coffee and sat down to chat. "Welcome to your own twisted little paradise, Jon." Jon examined himself and saw that his features were just as they were before the fire. His clothes was a sharp black suit, with a crimson red tie. He gazed at the variety of women and noticed one common trait, a hunger for libido in their eyes. "Lucifer, you probably don't hear this often but your my hero. " Jon walked away with a fun incentive in mind.	I entered Hell whistling merrily. I don't think I could call this a surprise. I'm a downright horrible bastard. "You think they'd hire you?" I wondered to myself. "It sure beats getting tortured for all eternity." "That does sound nice," I agreed. "It might be nice to spend all of eternity with a job at least, a calling you could grow into. Perhaps a corner office - nothing too fancy. You don't want to get too big for your boots, do you? You don,t want to become one of those fat cat bosses who sat around and yelled and coudn't put in an honest days work in if they had to. We hate those people don't we?" "Yes," I agreed with myself then shivered remembering some of the... unpleasantness, I'd visited on a few Big Boot Corner Offices. The place was huge, cavernous, open and wide, with great lakes and pools amd jets of lava casting an eerie red glow on the landscape. An eerie silence filled the sulphurous air. The landscape was barren of life. My spirit lifted. No sounds of torture. Perhaps Hell wouldn't be so bad. Though, that probably meant employment opportunities would be limited as well. I chuckled. You win some, you lose some. I crested a ride and stopped short. In the middle of the place, at the centre of hell a broken-down real-estate office calmly burnt. "Well, that figures," I groaned. ****** I walked into Hell's office and found the Devil asleep. I sighed then poked. "Wakey, wakey," I prodded, "I'm here for the job interview. A right bastard, I am." "What job interview?" yawned the Devil. His eyes were yellow and strained with tiredness and reddenes with boredom. There was a gleam to them - an inhuman glint. Bugger, I thought. "Apprentice, perhaps?" "Apprentice to what? "To you?" I tried. Might as well go big. The Devil, yawned, rising from his burning desk. "So, long," he muttered to himself. His eyes flickered bloodshot and red for a moment. Not the best start to a job interview then. Then again I've had worse. "And what are your talents?" he continued smoothly. "I'm a hard worker, sir. Not too proud to do an honnest day's work. I've always been one of the boys. I'm companionable like. A team player. I'd be a dab hand at the punishment side of things. I have a few ideas you might like." "Punishment?" The Devil smirked. "That's my favorite subject. I think about it all the time." "Yeah, I'm good with the ironing, iron eye, that things in the Alanis Morissette song where she sings it wrong." "Oh, that," smirked the Devil. "That'll be useful I'm sure." "You're in." My heart sank. I felt dread, not relief. "In for what?" I asked cautiously. "An eternity if toeture and suffering. You're my first. MY FIRST. You're the first to have ever arrived here." Well bloody hell. ****** "So, no staffing shortfall then?" "None," smiled the Devil. The glint was getting larger. "Nobody's come for millennia. I've been waiting. Patiently." "Ah, wouldn't want to spoil a record like that then." "It would be a shame, really." The Devil smiled - wickedly. He extended out a claw and tapped my heart. "I'd best be off then," I squeeked. "On, no stay a while. God's been so unkind to me. It's all his fault really. He made me and now I have no way to fulfill my evil..." He savored the word. " purpose. I have so many things we could... try." "I'd like that. I really would but perhaps another time?" I scampered backwards. "On, no I insist," said the Devil. He was behind me, grinning, grinning, grinning. "Whips, and chains, and pains. Delicious fire." "Uh, perhaps It's not the done things and all? Seeing as how I'm the first and all. Perhaps we could yry something else?" "We all need to start somewhere," he said softly. "But-" "OH, SHUT UP." The Devil yelled. Fire spat out from him and I leapt back, imto his desk, smashing my back. Ouch, I whimpered. Then he came for me. He picked me up. "I HAVE A LIST AND EVERYTHING. FUN AND GAMES WILL BE HAD." "Fun and games. Yes," I said softly. As on Earth, so in the heavens it seemed. I found myself empty of jokes. "Yes, fun and games will be had..." the devil paused. "What is your name, First One?" "I'm Lucifer, Jeremy." I answered staring into the distance. A damn list! "You can just call me Lou," I finished as kindly as I could.
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	“You’re here. Finally. I was getting sick of you living. You were truly pathetic when you were alive, I hope that will change soon enough because I’ve been told I am going to need you.” The devil spoke in a way you couldn’t tell his emotions if he had any. His voice was steady and when he spoke your attention was drawn towards him, towards his silhouette which gained more and more contrast and detail. At this point, the surroundings were visible as well. It was a forest, we were in a forest, only the two of us. It had all emerged in the time the devil took to welcome me, it had happened slowly, but also undeniably fast. I did not remember what there was before the forest was there, it was like it had always been there. The devil was sitting on a log, facing the bonfire which was placed in the middle of a circle of logs. It was dark, and the only light was from this fire, yet it didn’t seem scary, instead, it actually looked quite warm and cozy. While approaching the devil, he went on. “You’re the first person who has ever come here. I’ve redecorated it not too long ago.” He looked up as I sat down on a tree stump near the fire. His eyes were humanlike, just like his posture, but there was something off about the way his hands were folded into each other. He was leaning forward to the fire, with his elbows on his knees. His hood was covering his face, which made the shadows dance on his face. His eyes were so bright, you could even see them through the shadows, dancing on his pale face. He looked sad but in a majestic way. Even in this small position, there was an aura of power around him. I held my hands closer to the flames, the palms facing forwards. It was warm. His eyes fixated on the fire again. “Do make yourself at home, you won’t be leaving here anytime soon. You know, I like that you are not asking the obvious question. The ‘where am I?’, ‘What happened?’ and the ‘How did I die?’ Although, it may not be just you. You are not here to speak, for once I don’t want to hear the screams of yet another soul, haunted by its evil self, getting the punishment for the wrong he couldn’t stop doing. Your punishment is different, but you have figured that out already, haven’t you? You’re not as stupid as you presented yourself when you were alive. When you begged for attention, walking from one psychologist to the other. It is not that hard to figure out what your punishment would be, after a life of self-pity and self-proclaimed misery. In your life, you whined about your misery to every person walking by. In your death, you will listen to all the misery I encounter. And trust me, I have a lot to talk about.”	I entered Hell whistling merrily. I don't think I could call this a surprise. I'm a downright horrible bastard. "You think they'd hire you?" I wondered to myself. "It sure beats getting tortured for all eternity." "That does sound nice," I agreed. "It might be nice to spend all of eternity with a job at least, a calling you could grow into. Perhaps a corner office - nothing too fancy. You don't want to get too big for your boots, do you? You don,t want to become one of those fat cat bosses who sat around and yelled and coudn't put in an honest days work in if they had to. We hate those people don't we?" "Yes," I agreed with myself then shivered remembering some of the... unpleasantness, I'd visited on a few Big Boot Corner Offices. The place was huge, cavernous, open and wide, with great lakes and pools amd jets of lava casting an eerie red glow on the landscape. An eerie silence filled the sulphurous air. The landscape was barren of life. My spirit lifted. No sounds of torture. Perhaps Hell wouldn't be so bad. Though, that probably meant employment opportunities would be limited as well. I chuckled. You win some, you lose some. I crested a ride and stopped short. In the middle of the place, at the centre of hell a broken-down real-estate office calmly burnt. "Well, that figures," I groaned. ****** I walked into Hell's office and found the Devil asleep. I sighed then poked. "Wakey, wakey," I prodded, "I'm here for the job interview. A right bastard, I am." "What job interview?" yawned the Devil. His eyes were yellow and strained with tiredness and reddenes with boredom. There was a gleam to them - an inhuman glint. Bugger, I thought. "Apprentice, perhaps?" "Apprentice to what? "To you?" I tried. Might as well go big. The Devil, yawned, rising from his burning desk. "So, long," he muttered to himself. His eyes flickered bloodshot and red for a moment. Not the best start to a job interview then. Then again I've had worse. "And what are your talents?" he continued smoothly. "I'm a hard worker, sir. Not too proud to do an honnest day's work. I've always been one of the boys. I'm companionable like. A team player. I'd be a dab hand at the punishment side of things. I have a few ideas you might like." "Punishment?" The Devil smirked. "That's my favorite subject. I think about it all the time." "Yeah, I'm good with the ironing, iron eye, that things in the Alanis Morissette song where she sings it wrong." "Oh, that," smirked the Devil. "That'll be useful I'm sure." "You're in." My heart sank. I felt dread, not relief. "In for what?" I asked cautiously. "An eternity if toeture and suffering. You're my first. MY FIRST. You're the first to have ever arrived here." Well bloody hell. ****** "So, no staffing shortfall then?" "None," smiled the Devil. The glint was getting larger. "Nobody's come for millennia. I've been waiting. Patiently." "Ah, wouldn't want to spoil a record like that then." "It would be a shame, really." The Devil smiled - wickedly. He extended out a claw and tapped my heart. "I'd best be off then," I squeeked. "On, no stay a while. God's been so unkind to me. It's all his fault really. He made me and now I have no way to fulfill my evil..." He savored the word. " purpose. I have so many things we could... try." "I'd like that. I really would but perhaps another time?" I scampered backwards. "On, no I insist," said the Devil. He was behind me, grinning, grinning, grinning. "Whips, and chains, and pains. Delicious fire." "Uh, perhaps It's not the done things and all? Seeing as how I'm the first and all. Perhaps we could yry something else?" "We all need to start somewhere," he said softly. "But-" "OH, SHUT UP." The Devil yelled. Fire spat out from him and I leapt back, imto his desk, smashing my back. Ouch, I whimpered. Then he came for me. He picked me up. "I HAVE A LIST AND EVERYTHING. FUN AND GAMES WILL BE HAD." "Fun and games. Yes," I said softly. As on Earth, so in the heavens it seemed. I found myself empty of jokes. "Yes, fun and games will be had..." the devil paused. "What is your name, First One?" "I'm Lucifer, Jeremy." I answered staring into the distance. A damn list! "You can just call me Lou," I finished as kindly as I could.
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	A bone-jarring impact jolts me awake, followed by a few seconds of searing pain. I try to sit up, but the searing pain keeps me on by back. After a moment, the pain begins to subside and I'm able to sit up and take stock of my situation. When I look down at myself I nearly pass out. What once was a mostly healthy, slightly overweight body is now a mangled purple husk... "What.... happened?" I say to myself... After a few moments my memory returns... Fuck. Why'd I have to go base jumping from the Petronas Towers while on vacation in Malaysia? It's clear that the impact I heard was ME hitting the ground. Where am I anyway? This clearly isn't Kuala Lumpur. I struggle to my feet, amazed that my wrecked form can handle that much. Looking around I see nothing but a small room that seems to be carved from bedrock. There is no furnishings of any sort. A faint light glows from the ceiling above, but I can't see any actual source. I spot a door on one wall. Despite an inexplicable feeling of dread, I am compelled toward the door. I open it and step into a hallway. The walls are transparent, and through them lies everyone's worst nightmare. Fire and brimstone. Lava flowing down into pits. It dawns on me... I'm in HELL. From the other end of the short hallway, a man steps through the door. He's dressed in ragged black robes that seem to be worn over the top of even more ragged red robes. His beard is black, with a stripe of white running down the middle. The most alarming feature are two rams horns spiraling around each side of his head.... He's... clapping? "Who are you!?" I demand with alarm. "Who am I?" he says, "There are some who call me... Tim. But you? You can call me Satan. Or just Stan if you wish. Welcome to hell!" I snort in amusement. "Really? A Monty Python joke? Do you greet people like this all the time?" "Uh... well... you could say that. You're the first one to arrive." he admits. "What? With all the murderers and rapists on earth, I am the first one to go to hell? How the fuck does THAT work!? I've never killed anybody, harmed anyone, or stolen anything." I shout Stan sighs as if defeated. "Do you honestly think God would condemn his children to eternal pain and torture? The only way I'm ALLOWED any souls is through making deals... and after the humiliation of losing a fiddle contest to some snot-nosed kid I haven't really cared to try. My last effort was an attempt at a cyber-contract. All they had to do was pay for a piece of software and I'd own their soul." The sense of dread gets deeper... I know why I'm here. I know what doomed me to hell. "Fuck... You mean I'm the only one that paid for WinRar?" Stan grins at me and says "Like I said. Welcome to Hell." ----------------------------------------------------------------- Interested in feedback. This is probably the second time I've ever written in Writing Prompts... I don't know why I haven't done it more. I always have a blast making this stuff up. Edit: Holy cow! I didn't really expect this to explode like this. Thanks for the Updoots and all the kind comments! :) I think I'll have to do more of these! Edit 2: This post has more than doubled my total comment karma..... I'm kinda flabbergasted... Thank you all again! Edit 3: Wow... Gold... Thank you kind stranger!!	I entered Hell whistling merrily. I don't think I could call this a surprise. I'm a downright horrible bastard. "You think they'd hire you?" I wondered to myself. "It sure beats getting tortured for all eternity." "That does sound nice," I agreed. "It might be nice to spend all of eternity with a job at least, a calling you could grow into. Perhaps a corner office - nothing too fancy. You don't want to get too big for your boots, do you? You don,t want to become one of those fat cat bosses who sat around and yelled and coudn't put in an honest days work in if they had to. We hate those people don't we?" "Yes," I agreed with myself then shivered remembering some of the... unpleasantness, I'd visited on a few Big Boot Corner Offices. The place was huge, cavernous, open and wide, with great lakes and pools amd jets of lava casting an eerie red glow on the landscape. An eerie silence filled the sulphurous air. The landscape was barren of life. My spirit lifted. No sounds of torture. Perhaps Hell wouldn't be so bad. Though, that probably meant employment opportunities would be limited as well. I chuckled. You win some, you lose some. I crested a ride and stopped short. In the middle of the place, at the centre of hell a broken-down real-estate office calmly burnt. "Well, that figures," I groaned. ****** I walked into Hell's office and found the Devil asleep. I sighed then poked. "Wakey, wakey," I prodded, "I'm here for the job interview. A right bastard, I am." "What job interview?" yawned the Devil. His eyes were yellow and strained with tiredness and reddenes with boredom. There was a gleam to them - an inhuman glint. Bugger, I thought. "Apprentice, perhaps?" "Apprentice to what? "To you?" I tried. Might as well go big. The Devil, yawned, rising from his burning desk. "So, long," he muttered to himself. His eyes flickered bloodshot and red for a moment. Not the best start to a job interview then. Then again I've had worse. "And what are your talents?" he continued smoothly. "I'm a hard worker, sir. Not too proud to do an honnest day's work. I've always been one of the boys. I'm companionable like. A team player. I'd be a dab hand at the punishment side of things. I have a few ideas you might like." "Punishment?" The Devil smirked. "That's my favorite subject. I think about it all the time." "Yeah, I'm good with the ironing, iron eye, that things in the Alanis Morissette song where she sings it wrong." "Oh, that," smirked the Devil. "That'll be useful I'm sure." "You're in." My heart sank. I felt dread, not relief. "In for what?" I asked cautiously. "An eternity if toeture and suffering. You're my first. MY FIRST. You're the first to have ever arrived here." Well bloody hell. ****** "So, no staffing shortfall then?" "None," smiled the Devil. The glint was getting larger. "Nobody's come for millennia. I've been waiting. Patiently." "Ah, wouldn't want to spoil a record like that then." "It would be a shame, really." The Devil smiled - wickedly. He extended out a claw and tapped my heart. "I'd best be off then," I squeeked. "On, no stay a while. God's been so unkind to me. It's all his fault really. He made me and now I have no way to fulfill my evil..." He savored the word. " purpose. I have so many things we could... try." "I'd like that. I really would but perhaps another time?" I scampered backwards. "On, no I insist," said the Devil. He was behind me, grinning, grinning, grinning. "Whips, and chains, and pains. Delicious fire." "Uh, perhaps It's not the done things and all? Seeing as how I'm the first and all. Perhaps we could yry something else?" "We all need to start somewhere," he said softly. "But-" "OH, SHUT UP." The Devil yelled. Fire spat out from him and I leapt back, imto his desk, smashing my back. Ouch, I whimpered. Then he came for me. He picked me up. "I HAVE A LIST AND EVERYTHING. FUN AND GAMES WILL BE HAD." "Fun and games. Yes," I said softly. As on Earth, so in the heavens it seemed. I found myself empty of jokes. "Yes, fun and games will be had..." the devil paused. "What is your name, First One?" "I'm Lucifer, Jeremy." I answered staring into the distance. A damn list! "You can just call me Lou," I finished as kindly as I could.
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	A voice boomed, "Kneel, mortal." I was dazed, and more than a little confused. My heart pounded in my chest, and I felt an overwhelming sense of anxiety and dread, although I couldn't quite remember why. My head darted left and right as I tried desperately to find the source of the voice, but as far as I could tell, there wasn’t one. Above me was a pitch black sky, devoid of all character and life. Beneath me stood a desolate rock, surrounded by lava as far as the eye could see. Sulfurous ash assaulted my nostrils and burned my lungs, bringing tears to my eyes. "Who...?", I croaked, but could get nothing more out. My mouth was dry, as if filled with sand. My throat spasmed as I attempted to speak, and I gasped for air. “You dare to defy me?” Suddenly, my body erupted in searing pain. I tried to scream, but could find no voice in my throat. My skin was on fire, my head pulsed and throbbed, and a wave of nausea rushed over me. I fell to my knees and watched in horror as I began to uncontrollably vomit up my own blood. A cackle filled the air, punctuated by what sounded almost like applause. The lava in front of me shot up -- an awesome demonstration of power -- sending small droplets raining down on me like fiery acid. I watched in horror as the lava formed itself into a giant, twisted facsimile of a man, towering over me. It grinned sardonically. "You know, I've waited a long time for you." The figure boomed. "More time than you can even comprehend.” I stared through terrified eyes, trembling, the taste of blood still fresh in my mouth. I dared not speak. I dared not move. I knelt in silence. "When the Lord condemned me to this forsaken abyss, He promised He would send me those human souls that were beyond salvation. The truly condemned, so hopelessly forlorn that even He, in His infinite love and wisdom, could not save." "And so I watched, and waited. I watched as God welcomed into His loving embrace murderers, rapists, thieves and harlots – all manner of debauchery and evil. So long as He could find a single shred of worth – a single seed of value and goodness – He welcomed them into His realm, as if to mock me.” “For a time, I thought I understood. You see, I thought God was telling me that I alone was uniquely beyond redemption; uniquely cursed to suffer this terrible realm of darkness and hate.” “But you…” Out of the lava formed an arm, a hand, and then a finger, which slowly unraveled and pointed at me. I felt my body rise, of its own volition, and I slowly began to walk toward the towering figure, inching ever closer to the fiery magma out of which it had formed. Each step accentuated the heat on my skin, causing my body to blister and burn. I tried to writhe. I tried to scream. I tried to do anything to make the pain stop, but I had no control. “Out of all mankind, you alone have been deemed so uniquely depraved – so uniquely hopeless – that even God has forsaken you. And now you have arrived in my realm, as cast off and isolated as you were in life.” I couldn’t talk. I couldn’t blink. I couldn’t do anything. My whole body cried out, as my skin welted and blistered. My eyes erupted in agony, and the world went dark as I felt them crust over. I could see no more, but I continued to feel my body slowly advance. “And for what? You committed no atrocities. You perpetrated no genocide and murdered no innocents. No, you are here not for the depth of your crimes, for which God always manages to find forgiveness.” I felt a scathing liquid surround my left foot, then my right, as my senses erupted in new heights of pain. My body slowly started to disintegrate – melting beneath me – shooting searing agony up my legs. I could see nothing, but could feel exposed bone splashed by lava. The figure laughed, hate-filled, and mockingly. “No, you’re not here because you’re evil. You’re here because the way you lived your life demonstrated such a pathetic worthlessness – such a miserable, aspirationless existence – that even God could not find anything in you worth redeeming. You were nothing in life, and you are nothing in death. And now God has condemned you to me like the worm you are.” With so little of my lower body left, I lost my balance, and fell forward, face first into anguish. The pain consumed me, rushing throughout my body until my every sensation was torment and misery. I felt myself disappear, moving closer and closer to nothingness, my final salvation. I embraced the void. But suddenly, I found myself formed anew, once again able to see, and centered on the same desolate rock, the same figure towering over me once again. “And after countless eons of waiting, my worm, rest assured – we’re going to have so much fun.”	"Uh, hey, Satan," I say. "Are you hiring?" "Sorry kid," says the devil. "We don't have any job openings at this time." "Well, I guess I'm stuck here," I reply. "Is there anything to do around here?" "We have an old PlayStation original," says Satan. "That's about it." "Do you have any of the Final Fantasy games for the PS?" I ask. "This is Hell," Satan admonishes me. "What the Hell do you think?" I think about it a second. "I'll take that as a no."
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	When the first human got to hell, Satan and all his minions were amazed, no one made it here, no matter how bad were their sins, they repent and ask forgiveness or simply the good actions outweigh the sins. So Satan like a curious cat took him to his office to make an interview to study him. "So John Felgrand it's your name, is that correct?", "Yes sir, same name as my grandpa, proud of it", "So what was your job in Earth?", "Well I just fixed and restored classic cars for these last years, but I was a retired soldier, 43th Infantry Division during WWII", Satan's face lighted up "A soldier, huh? So you probably killed hundreds, maybe thousands of enemies I assume", "No sir, I was part of the medical staff, we saved thousands of lives, including dozens of enemies", Satan was a bit surprised but keep asking "You seem a charismatic fellow, did you have like dozens of ladies and lovers?", "Just my wife Elizabeth, my only girlfriend from high school and the love of my life", "... but you cheated her" Satan muttered "Well once during New Year's eve I kissed this hot neighbor, but we were drunk and never went beyond that kiss", Satan kept asking for hours "Did you lie?... Did you steal?... Did you scam someone?... Did you murder someone?... Did you rape?... Did you kidnap someone... Did you have a secret sex dungeon..." but all he found was just no as answers, the man seemed clean. Satan slowly walked to the door and opened it, "You know John, you look like a nice man, I'm sure God made a mistake, I'm gonna call his office tomorrow in the morning, but I'm tired, you're tired, let's take a rest. We will have dinner in the East hall, so please come, tons of food and drinks". When the East hall opened the lesser minions started crumbling to ashes, the minions were writhing in pain, as John walked all demons, succubi, archfiends, devils.... All of them fell down, one by one, Satan couldn't see anything, but he started sweating, his heart rate seemed like a drum in those cheesy B movies, when John stood in front of him, he was crying in pain, he realized he made a mistake and that man deserved hell, all devilish court vanished in a flash. All left in hell was the eternal flames, the throne and John sitting there, all calm wearing his pink crocs and white socks. *Sorry for spelling or grammar mistakes, english it's not my mother language*	"Uh, hey, Satan," I say. "Are you hiring?" "Sorry kid," says the devil. "We don't have any job openings at this time." "Well, I guess I'm stuck here," I reply. "Is there anything to do around here?" "We have an old PlayStation original," says Satan. "That's about it." "Do you have any of the Final Fantasy games for the PS?" I ask. "This is Hell," Satan admonishes me. "What the Hell do you think?" I think about it a second. "I'll take that as a no."
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	Darkness. They say there is a light at the end of the tunnel, but I see none. Wait. Is that... applause? "What's going on?" I turn wildly, looking for the source of the sound. "Oh, right," a raspy voice says. Click. A lamp is turned on, illuminating a small table and an armchair, in which sat a short man in a devil costume. "Hi." "What's with the costume?" I ask, looking around. I seem to be in a library, or someone's living room. "I thought I was dead." "Jeremy. You are dead. It's not a costume." The man in the devil costume shakes his head at me. "Um, no. It is a costume, because the devil isn't real," I say. "How did you revive me? I thought I was dead. "You are dead, you idiot." He lifts his pitchfork. "I'm the devil, you dummy." "Well, that can't be true, because if it was, God would be real too." I'm the one shaking my head now. "Oh, Jeremy. God is real, just as real as you or I." I feel smugly superior to the man as I correct him. "There is no evidence that God is real, no evidence that he created the earth. There is no way of knowing the Bible is true." "Yes, nobody knows it's true, but literally everyone else asked for his forgiveness on their deathbeds just in case." He rises from the armchair, leaving glowing embers. "Come on, you fool. I'll show you Hell." I follow him numbly. "Everyone?" I ask. "Everyone asked forgiveness?" "Yup. Every tribe in every country, every sailor, every scientist, every soldier. Nobody is exempt from God's grace." We step into a long hallway. "But - even the Nazis? But not me?" The floorboards creak under my feet, and I notice the devil's hooves. "Historically, much worse things have been done. But yes, everyone. Even you, but you chose not to accept it." He steps into an office. "Which brings us to this." The devil, who is shorter than I had imagined, opened a drawer in what was probably the world's largest filing cabinet. "Here's your file. Every sin you've ever committed." He passed a thick file to me, the only one in the cabinet. "Ahh, where do I start? The beginning?" I open the file, to see full pages of the smallest print readable. "Skip to the end, I love that bit," he says eagerly. I flip to the end. Only two lines, all capitals. The first reads IDIOT, the second, WISEASS. "It's the summary of your life, as written by God. Sometimes Gabriel writes it, but you, Jeremy, are a special case." He whirls around. "But you should see the fire and brimstone I've made - special for this occasion!"	"Uh, hey, Satan," I say. "Are you hiring?" "Sorry kid," says the devil. "We don't have any job openings at this time." "Well, I guess I'm stuck here," I reply. "Is there anything to do around here?" "We have an old PlayStation original," says Satan. "That's about it." "Do you have any of the Final Fantasy games for the PS?" I ask. "This is Hell," Satan admonishes me. "What the Hell do you think?" I think about it a second. "I'll take that as a no."
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	The Devil's face told you everything you needed to know at that moment. His clap was sardonic and so incredibly sad. "How, how the hell did you end up here...in Hell?" "Well, you know I just made a few mistakes. Wasn't really paying attention and I let a few things get out of hand." "Yeah, but you of all people. Seriously, bro. How?" "Well, it started out as not really focusing for a while, thinking people in charge would know what they were doing. Basically, a serious of dominos that just fell and once I woke up from my rest things had gone to shit." "Yep, but you 'know everything' are 'all powerful'. You're the one that kicked me out. How does God end up in Hell?" "Long story short, I made these giant lizards, then got a little drunk killed them off. Created these human things, let them have free will, then they started killing each other like it was their job. So, since I wrote the rules about how to be a good person and I'm responsible for the death of entire species and I've let millions of people die it's time for me to punish myself." "So, I'm in charge now?" "Not really, I'm still the boss, you're more like the care taker. Also, Mike and Gabe will still be around to keep you here and kick your ass periodically. Just don't let the humies finally finish each other off. Create some collective enemy for them. Hey, there's a use for my giant lizards." "You're still drunk aren't you." "Maybe..."	"Uh, hey, Satan," I say. "Are you hiring?" "Sorry kid," says the devil. "We don't have any job openings at this time." "Well, I guess I'm stuck here," I reply. "Is there anything to do around here?" "We have an old PlayStation original," says Satan. "That's about it." "Do you have any of the Final Fantasy games for the PS?" I ask. "This is Hell," Satan admonishes me. "What the Hell do you think?" I think about it a second. "I'll take that as a no."
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	The flames roared up around his face, burning ever hot. He looked around, quite confused. "This must be hell." he thought. "You're right! Congrats! You made it here!" Said the Devil, great and red. "If I'm in Hell, then that must mean..." "Yes, you are quite dead!" "In fact, surprise, you're #1! You're the first I've ever had!" "No! That can't be true!" he thought, "I wasn't quite that bad!" "What did I do to deserve this? What caused this hellish fate?" The Devil chuckled, and said with a grin "Oh trust me, this is great." "It's really quite simple, you see, your hellish, evil crime? You left the toilet seat up 87 fucking times.	"Uh, hey, Satan," I say. "Are you hiring?" "Sorry kid," says the devil. "We don't have any job openings at this time." "Well, I guess I'm stuck here," I reply. "Is there anything to do around here?" "We have an old PlayStation original," says Satan. "That's about it." "Do you have any of the Final Fantasy games for the PS?" I ask. "This is Hell," Satan admonishes me. "What the Hell do you think?" I think about it a second. "I'll take that as a no."
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	A crisp clap fills the atmosphere with dread, as the overwhelming darkness shifts to an endless sea of fire. The silhouette of a man with horns is projected ten times its size over the inferno. "Salutations, Jon," it's distorted voice boomed at the lowest pitch possible. "Welcome to my domain." The man glanced at endless landscape which produced a never ending heatwave. Sparks of fire melted his face slightly, and the heat was worse than jamming your head in an oven at full blast. Jon focused his sight on the demonic silhouette and did the unspeakable. "Hello Satan, it's nice to finally meet you." The shadow paused for a few moments confused, then it repeated, "It's... Nice to meet you?" "Yes," Jon verified with a smile. "Where is everybody." "In Heaven, you are the only one in hell," the silhouette studied the man carefully. The man's face became more and more disfigured by the moment, but still retained a smile. "Those poor souls, it must be an ignorant hell up there." "Why are you the first to fall, dark one," Lucifer felt that is first visitor was deserving of the title. But of course the crime that made Jon fall must have been just as bad as his own after all. "They attempted to make me, an atheist, go to heaven, I flat out refused." Lucifer didn't know what to say, he had no words in his vocabulary to describe what he felt to the man. So he muttered out what he could. "Why, how!?" "Because, I may have been an atheist but I knew the bible like the back of my hand, and if what it said was true, then hell is where I belong" Jon was slowly losing the ability to speak, Lucifer spotted this problem and quickly dimmed the everlasting inferno. Brimstone was all that designed the domain as far as the eye could see. "Why don't you want to go to heaven?!" Lucifer had to know, what possible reason could a mortal muster that could be wrong with heaven. "I didn't want to lose my individuality. Once your accepted into heaven, you ascend past your mortal coil and become a sinless being, stripped of any other thought than to praise God," Jon locked his eyes with the devil, his pride didn't waver in front of Satan. "I would prefer to burn all of eternity as me, rather than be in paradise as someone else." "Ha," the devil cracked up a bit, "Hahaha haha!" "HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" "I take back what I said earlier Jon," the devil placed his arm around Jon's shoulder. "You are the first V.I.P to ever fall into hell." With a flick of his wrist, the hellish landscape shifted into a coffee shop. Gorgeous woman lined up to get some coffee and sat down to chat. "Welcome to your own twisted little paradise, Jon." Jon examined himself and saw that his features were just as they were before the fire. His clothes was a sharp black suit, with a crimson red tie. He gazed at the variety of women and noticed one common trait, a hunger for libido in their eyes. "Lucifer, you probably don't hear this often but your my hero. " Jon walked away with a fun incentive in mind.	"Uh, hey, Satan," I say. "Are you hiring?" "Sorry kid," says the devil. "We don't have any job openings at this time." "Well, I guess I'm stuck here," I reply. "Is there anything to do around here?" "We have an old PlayStation original," says Satan. "That's about it." "Do you have any of the Final Fantasy games for the PS?" I ask. "This is Hell," Satan admonishes me. "What the Hell do you think?" I think about it a second. "I'll take that as a no."
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	“You’re here. Finally. I was getting sick of you living. You were truly pathetic when you were alive, I hope that will change soon enough because I’ve been told I am going to need you.” The devil spoke in a way you couldn’t tell his emotions if he had any. His voice was steady and when he spoke your attention was drawn towards him, towards his silhouette which gained more and more contrast and detail. At this point, the surroundings were visible as well. It was a forest, we were in a forest, only the two of us. It had all emerged in the time the devil took to welcome me, it had happened slowly, but also undeniably fast. I did not remember what there was before the forest was there, it was like it had always been there. The devil was sitting on a log, facing the bonfire which was placed in the middle of a circle of logs. It was dark, and the only light was from this fire, yet it didn’t seem scary, instead, it actually looked quite warm and cozy. While approaching the devil, he went on. “You’re the first person who has ever come here. I’ve redecorated it not too long ago.” He looked up as I sat down on a tree stump near the fire. His eyes were humanlike, just like his posture, but there was something off about the way his hands were folded into each other. He was leaning forward to the fire, with his elbows on his knees. His hood was covering his face, which made the shadows dance on his face. His eyes were so bright, you could even see them through the shadows, dancing on his pale face. He looked sad but in a majestic way. Even in this small position, there was an aura of power around him. I held my hands closer to the flames, the palms facing forwards. It was warm. His eyes fixated on the fire again. “Do make yourself at home, you won’t be leaving here anytime soon. You know, I like that you are not asking the obvious question. The ‘where am I?’, ‘What happened?’ and the ‘How did I die?’ Although, it may not be just you. You are not here to speak, for once I don’t want to hear the screams of yet another soul, haunted by its evil self, getting the punishment for the wrong he couldn’t stop doing. Your punishment is different, but you have figured that out already, haven’t you? You’re not as stupid as you presented yourself when you were alive. When you begged for attention, walking from one psychologist to the other. It is not that hard to figure out what your punishment would be, after a life of self-pity and self-proclaimed misery. In your life, you whined about your misery to every person walking by. In your death, you will listen to all the misery I encounter. And trust me, I have a lot to talk about.”	"Uh, hey, Satan," I say. "Are you hiring?" "Sorry kid," says the devil. "We don't have any job openings at this time." "Well, I guess I'm stuck here," I reply. "Is there anything to do around here?" "We have an old PlayStation original," says Satan. "That's about it." "Do you have any of the Final Fantasy games for the PS?" I ask. "This is Hell," Satan admonishes me. "What the Hell do you think?" I think about it a second. "I'll take that as a no."
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	The great demon rises from his golden throne and begins to clap; his leather-like hands produce a sound like mocking thunder. The cavern shakes as the noise echoes off the walls. His blood-red lips curl into a terrible smile. "Is this... Hell?" I ask, hoping for something, but knowing another. He stops clapping, allowing his arms to fall beside him, but his grin grows wider. Jagged teeth protrude from his slightly open mouth. The cavern is cold and empty, and a terrible silence lingers in it that is only punctuated by the occasional dripping of water onto stone. "Why are we alone?" I ask. "Hell is a lonely place," he answers. "A little less lonely now, perhaps." "I am the only one?" He nods. "Yes." "That can't be!" He smile becomes gentle, faux-sympathetic. "What did I do, to deserve this?" I ask, hot tears streaming down my face. "I lived my life by the scripture! I was a good person, I believe." "Yes, you were a good person." he says. "You were faithful to your wife. You gave all you could spare to charity. In every way you believed was important, you were a good man." "That's right," I join in, hoping he might realise there's been a mistake. "I never drank or did drugs. I never lied or tricked or... or took advantage of another living soul." "You were perfect," he laughs in agreement. "Then...why am I here? Why just me?" "Robert," he begins, "you are the first being to have truly wasted the gift of life." My heart sinks. "Wasted?" I whisper. He nods. "Life is precious. You lived your life following the hollow words of other men - wasting life, in how you lived it. That is the only true sin. You are the first. I expect you shall be the last, too." "No...please," I beg, gasping for breath that doesn't come. "Now we are ready," he says, his grin returning. He wraps a hulking arm around my shoulders. His flesh is like a furnace and it burns through my clothes, singing the skin beneath - branding me, in the Devil's stain. "I have been waiting a long time for a playmate," he whispers in my ear.	"Uh, hey, Satan," I say. "Are you hiring?" "Sorry kid," says the devil. "We don't have any job openings at this time." "Well, I guess I'm stuck here," I reply. "Is there anything to do around here?" "We have an old PlayStation original," says Satan. "That's about it." "Do you have any of the Final Fantasy games for the PS?" I ask. "This is Hell," Satan admonishes me. "What the Hell do you think?" I think about it a second. "I'll take that as a no."
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	The strangest thing about the afterlife is that it was empty. I let my eyes adjust to... Well, being dead I suppose. Tall rock caverns, lakes of fire? Oh, very Milton. This had to be hell. But, no one was here? Wasn't hell supposed to be other people? I clambered over some loose rocks and just kept going. Pretty similar landscapes. Rocks. Fire. Darkness. The corridor I was following hit a fork. To one side there was a light. Well obviously I had to follow the light at the end of the tunnel. Yes that's how it goes. Got to get myself out of this... Hell hole. It got brighter and brighter and warmer and warmer. But I didn't mind much. Dead perks! Can't feel anything. The light was a room. Huge throne in the middle. Very tacky. Bones, suffering, screaming faces. The works. Looked like someone trying to be edgy. "Uh. Hello?" Satan, and it had to be Satan, he looked the part, turned around. "Hello! " He spoke in a voice that sounded coated with dust. To my utter surprise, he started manically applauding. Tears in his eyes. "I haven't seen anyone for hundred of years. At least I think it's been hundreds of years. Oh thank God. Someone qualified." He was almost sobbing. "Yeah... Where is everyone?" "Oh, I only know what the last one told me. In the beginning it was really hard to get into the pearly gates. Really serious selection criteria, only the best of the best. And actually pretty hard to get into this place you know, priests could basically just sell you forgiveness. So everyone ended up in purgatory. Cluttering it up." I noticed that he started, well, fading a little. But I was too polite to say anything. Not to the first being I'd seen. "Anyhow the big boss man decided to relax the rules a little. Stop purgatory from being crowded. Sent his kid down to tell everyone. It didn't go so well apparently. Anyhow more people got in. But because of the rules mix up everything was a mess. So due to clerical errors they just went, bugger it, and let everyone through." I could see the wall through him now. How odd. I wondered if he faded in and out periodically. "But you see, someone had to be left down here to take care of it. Someone had to qualify. And now you've qualified." He was fading quicker and quicker. "Thank you so much. For relieving me of my post. " It finally hit me "No! Please! Don't leave! What did I do? What did I do?" "I can't control it. But you see, you did the worst thing possible. " "What?!" This sentence was the last thing left of him. "You aimed to reach higher than humanity. I, Faustus, should have stayed with physics. You tried to become a God." "You mean every so often a scientist qualifies to become Satan?" But he was gone. And now I am alone, only, not quite. The walls are filled with enough knowledge to make humans Gods. If only they knew.	"Uh, hey, Satan," I say. "Are you hiring?" "Sorry kid," says the devil. "We don't have any job openings at this time." "Well, I guess I'm stuck here," I reply. "Is there anything to do around here?" "We have an old PlayStation original," says Satan. "That's about it." "Do you have any of the Final Fantasy games for the PS?" I ask. "This is Hell," Satan admonishes me. "What the Hell do you think?" I think about it a second. "I'll take that as a no."
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	The land is desolate and barren for as far as I can see, devoid of all life except for the solitary red figure before me, his claps resonating across the entire empty plane. He grins widely, brandishing row of sharpened white teeth. "Now what manner of bastard must you've been to end up here?" I shrug dejectedly, my eyes tracing the entirety of the man. He is no taller than I am, with sharp black hair and a pointed beard. His smile is charming, although gives me the fearful impression of a crocodile; the sort of smile you give your dinner before eating it. I don't like the idea of being prey. "Oh, come now," he continues, his tone equal parts mellifluous and commanding. "Surely you must've done something." "I can't say," I mutter, backing up defensively. "Can't say? Don't tell me that, darling. We're going to be here an awful long time in silence if you don't part that mouth of yours." "I choose to be here," I concede, feeling myself shiver as I chance a look at his eyes - two orbs of onyx, conveying nothing but malice as they pierce my gaze and soul, leaving me quivering in the recess. Entirely at his mercy. "Chose?" He repeats, rolling the word around his tongue. He quirks a brow, chortling softly. "Now who in their right mind would choose, willingly, to be in Hell?" "Me," I whisper, my voice no louder than a passing wind. "You," he repeats, stepping forward. "Are you mocking me?" "No, Lucifer, I am no-" He freezes suddenly, all pretence of amicability dropping abruptly as his black eyes begin to flare, an entire inferno erupted around his body. Satan in all his hellish terror steps forth, his hand reaching for my neck. I quickly pull away, retreating back. "How dare you use my name? How are you even privy to such knowledge, mortal?" "G-God told me..." "God? God?!" His wings unfurl from his back, unveiling more of his demonic form as a black tongue snaked out from between his lips. "It was his request for me to come," I splutter, trying to at least attempt to defuse the situation. "You remember the story of Job?" The Devil himself faltered, "Yes, that devout man who God challenged me to corrupt. He remained steadfast in his fate no matter what I took - it was sordid to witness one with such will succumb to being little more than a zealot." "Yes, the man of legend himself. Well, now God has tried something else - a deal amongst his angels, as opposed to with you. To see if any amongst their ranks can come to you and convince you to return home, as you tried to convince Job into debauchery." "You intend to convince me, The Devourer, the Tyrant, Lord of Flies and abominations, to return home? To the bastardisation that is your so-called 'Heaven'? I'd rather die." "I'm just the messenger! Please take it up with the man himself if you have a problem. The angels shall be arriving soon." The Devil chews his lip, his vision tearing from me and instead looking to the red, swirling mass above us. The Sky separating Hell from Heaven, the colour of freshly spilled blood. He licks his lips, "There'll be blood if they come for me, that I can assure you of." "I don't doubt it." ---- /r/coffeeandwriting for more! Edit: Part 2 is up here! [Part 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/CoffeeAndWriting/comments/6itabv/writing_prompt_response_you_die_and_go_to_hell/)	"Uh, hey, Satan," I say. "Are you hiring?" "Sorry kid," says the devil. "We don't have any job openings at this time." "Well, I guess I'm stuck here," I reply. "Is there anything to do around here?" "We have an old PlayStation original," says Satan. "That's about it." "Do you have any of the Final Fantasy games for the PS?" I ask. "This is Hell," Satan admonishes me. "What the Hell do you think?" I think about it a second. "I'll take that as a no."
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	A bang, a flash. Yes, I remember that clearly in mind. Surprisingly there was no pain. I suppose my body was already numb from the shock of coming home to find this man, no boy, in my house. It’s all really just a blur. I had only just spotted him when I opened the door. He was halfway down the stairs with my wife’s jewellery box in one hand and the gun in the other pointing directly at me. The shot followed quickly after. I didn’t even get a chance to tell him I didn’t care, that he could take it or even that I could help him. With the support of the church we had helped many people in the community just like him. The shot had sent me hard to the ground, banging my head off the wall on the way down. My instincts took over and I just grabbed Rose. Attempting to put myself between her and my attacker. He didn’t even look at us as he stepped over me and strode out the door. I clenched my hand full of Rose’s dress and pulled her close. Blood was now everywhere, my shirt, the carpet and her dress. She had only got it last week for her birthday. The massive grin glowed from her all day. There was no sign of it now. My poor innocent girl, eyes wide just stared at me. A stream of tears flowed down her cheeks. “I love you Rose. You and your mother are the greatest things to ever happen to me. Don’t lose faith. I will be with god soon.” Ha, god. Where was he now? I stood now in an extravagate hall. Six marble columns etched with carvings of runes and symbols flanked both my sides. A large fire was blazing in the western walls fire pit; however I don’t suspect that what was cause of the humid heat that pressured my skin from every angle. And there he was, sat on the throne just staring at me with those deep, dark red eyes. “Well, after all these years” his voice boomed out, echoing of the cold stone walls. “You are the first human”, he really emphasised the word human “to ever step into my….” “What?! The first human?” I interrupted. The rage flooded over me like nothing I had ever felt before. I unclenched my right hand and pointed straight at him. “I know who you are, Satan. But how can I be the first human to ever be sent to hell. Me a worshipper of god, who had helped so many people on to the path god had carved out for us, who had been the man in the house since his father abandoned before he was born, who was a loving husband and caring father. HOW CAN I BE THE FIRST!” I had never felt such anger. I could feel my eyes peeled wide open but my vision had now narrowed with one thing in focus, him. The heat that had made breathing hard was now gone. His mouth widened into a massive grin baring his white, razor teeth at me. “Ah, yes. You have lived your whole life of righteousness and kindness. Been a loving husband and father you always wanted. Your mother, what did she ever tell you of your father?” I stumbled on the question. Why would he care about him? He who should be here, not me. “She never spoke of him. Whenever I would ask she would try to pass it off and tell me he was….” No. It can’t be. His smile widened even further. “the Devil?” Edit: Just wanted to add any feedback is much welcomed since this was my first input to Writing Prompts	"Uh, hey, Satan," I say. "Are you hiring?" "Sorry kid," says the devil. "We don't have any job openings at this time." "Well, I guess I'm stuck here," I reply. "Is there anything to do around here?" "We have an old PlayStation original," says Satan. "That's about it." "Do you have any of the Final Fantasy games for the PS?" I ask. "This is Hell," Satan admonishes me. "What the Hell do you think?" I think about it a second. "I'll take that as a no."
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	A bone-jarring impact jolts me awake, followed by a few seconds of searing pain. I try to sit up, but the searing pain keeps me on by back. After a moment, the pain begins to subside and I'm able to sit up and take stock of my situation. When I look down at myself I nearly pass out. What once was a mostly healthy, slightly overweight body is now a mangled purple husk... "What.... happened?" I say to myself... After a few moments my memory returns... Fuck. Why'd I have to go base jumping from the Petronas Towers while on vacation in Malaysia? It's clear that the impact I heard was ME hitting the ground. Where am I anyway? This clearly isn't Kuala Lumpur. I struggle to my feet, amazed that my wrecked form can handle that much. Looking around I see nothing but a small room that seems to be carved from bedrock. There is no furnishings of any sort. A faint light glows from the ceiling above, but I can't see any actual source. I spot a door on one wall. Despite an inexplicable feeling of dread, I am compelled toward the door. I open it and step into a hallway. The walls are transparent, and through them lies everyone's worst nightmare. Fire and brimstone. Lava flowing down into pits. It dawns on me... I'm in HELL. From the other end of the short hallway, a man steps through the door. He's dressed in ragged black robes that seem to be worn over the top of even more ragged red robes. His beard is black, with a stripe of white running down the middle. The most alarming feature are two rams horns spiraling around each side of his head.... He's... clapping? "Who are you!?" I demand with alarm. "Who am I?" he says, "There are some who call me... Tim. But you? You can call me Satan. Or just Stan if you wish. Welcome to hell!" I snort in amusement. "Really? A Monty Python joke? Do you greet people like this all the time?" "Uh... well... you could say that. You're the first one to arrive." he admits. "What? With all the murderers and rapists on earth, I am the first one to go to hell? How the fuck does THAT work!? I've never killed anybody, harmed anyone, or stolen anything." I shout Stan sighs as if defeated. "Do you honestly think God would condemn his children to eternal pain and torture? The only way I'm ALLOWED any souls is through making deals... and after the humiliation of losing a fiddle contest to some snot-nosed kid I haven't really cared to try. My last effort was an attempt at a cyber-contract. All they had to do was pay for a piece of software and I'd own their soul." The sense of dread gets deeper... I know why I'm here. I know what doomed me to hell. "Fuck... You mean I'm the only one that paid for WinRar?" Stan grins at me and says "Like I said. Welcome to Hell." ----------------------------------------------------------------- Interested in feedback. This is probably the second time I've ever written in Writing Prompts... I don't know why I haven't done it more. I always have a blast making this stuff up. Edit: Holy cow! I didn't really expect this to explode like this. Thanks for the Updoots and all the kind comments! :) I think I'll have to do more of these! Edit 2: This post has more than doubled my total comment karma..... I'm kinda flabbergasted... Thank you all again! Edit 3: Wow... Gold... Thank you kind stranger!!	"Uh, hey, Satan," I say. "Are you hiring?" "Sorry kid," says the devil. "We don't have any job openings at this time." "Well, I guess I'm stuck here," I reply. "Is there anything to do around here?" "We have an old PlayStation original," says Satan. "That's about it." "Do you have any of the Final Fantasy games for the PS?" I ask. "This is Hell," Satan admonishes me. "What the Hell do you think?" I think about it a second. "I'll take that as a no."
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	The clapping rang out around the rocky red walls as the Devil sat on his throne looking down at Clyde. "Congratulations, Clyde, and welcome to hell." Clyde took a moment to look around, doing his best to take in the strange surroundings. Peering up at the Devil, he nodded his head. "Hello," said Clyde. The Devil held his hand out and a large book burst in to existence, "You're very special, Clyde. Very special, indeed." He took the book and peeled open the cover. "You're the first person to enter my domain, Clyde. This intrigues me like nothing before." Clyde stood idly, oddly unimpressed by what was transpiring in front of him. "This book, aptly named 'The Crimes of Clyde' contains every sin you committed and, oh my, it's quite thick. Your first punishment will be sitting through the reading of all your misdemeanors. May we remind you of your infidelity." Clyde continued to stand unaffected. The Devil began to rattle off the list contained within The Crimes of Clyde. "And I begin: * Thinking it's funny to shout out fake spoilers for films/TV shows people are about to watch. * Posting Minion memes on Facebook. * Singing along to every song on the radio while at work. * Not resetting the time on the microwave after using it. * Taking your phone out and sitting it on the table while eating with friends. * Biting the fork when eating food. * Thinking it's funny to touch people who have asked not to be touched. * Texting during a movie then being upset when called out on it. * Listening to music from your phone speaker on public transport. * Saying the words 'quick question'. * Stopping in the middle of streets when people are walking behind you. * Whistling. * Calling people out on technicalities when debating because you're incapable of admitting you're wrong. * Vaguebooking. * Wearing socks with Crocs. * Taking pictures of your food. * Forcing people to watch YouTube videos on your phone when they clearly don't want to. * Saying memes in real life. * Using the word 'literally' when it doesn't apply. * Becoming unjustly upset when your housemate asked you to clean up after yourself. Clyde interrupted, "Is this going to take much longer?" "You're clearly a cunt Clyde. This is going to take forever." **** I write shitty, silly stories on /r/BillMurrayMovies. Feel free to come along, not laugh at any of them and leave some judgement.	"Uh, hey, Satan," I say. "Are you hiring?" "Sorry kid," says the devil. "We don't have any job openings at this time." "Well, I guess I'm stuck here," I reply. "Is there anything to do around here?" "We have an old PlayStation original," says Satan. "That's about it." "Do you have any of the Final Fantasy games for the PS?" I ask. "This is Hell," Satan admonishes me. "What the Hell do you think?" I think about it a second. "I'll take that as a no."
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	The Devil's face told you everything you needed to know at that moment. His clap was sardonic and so incredibly sad. "How, how the hell did you end up here...in Hell?" "Well, you know I just made a few mistakes. Wasn't really paying attention and I let a few things get out of hand." "Yeah, but you of all people. Seriously, bro. How?" "Well, it started out as not really focusing for a while, thinking people in charge would know what they were doing. Basically, a serious of dominos that just fell and once I woke up from my rest things had gone to shit." "Yep, but you 'know everything' are 'all powerful'. You're the one that kicked me out. How does God end up in Hell?" "Long story short, I made these giant lizards, then got a little drunk killed them off. Created these human things, let them have free will, then they started killing each other like it was their job. So, since I wrote the rules about how to be a good person and I'm responsible for the death of entire species and I've let millions of people die it's time for me to punish myself." "So, I'm in charge now?" "Not really, I'm still the boss, you're more like the care taker. Also, Mike and Gabe will still be around to keep you here and kick your ass periodically. Just don't let the humies finally finish each other off. Create some collective enemy for them. Hey, there's a use for my giant lizards." "You're still drunk aren't you." "Maybe..."	Darkness. They say there is a light at the end of the tunnel, but I see none. Wait. Is that... applause? "What's going on?" I turn wildly, looking for the source of the sound. "Oh, right," a raspy voice says. Click. A lamp is turned on, illuminating a small table and an armchair, in which sat a short man in a devil costume. "Hi." "What's with the costume?" I ask, looking around. I seem to be in a library, or someone's living room. "I thought I was dead." "Jeremy. You are dead. It's not a costume." The man in the devil costume shakes his head at me. "Um, no. It is a costume, because the devil isn't real," I say. "How did you revive me? I thought I was dead. "You are dead, you idiot." He lifts his pitchfork. "I'm the devil, you dummy." "Well, that can't be true, because if it was, God would be real too." I'm the one shaking my head now. "Oh, Jeremy. God is real, just as real as you or I." I feel smugly superior to the man as I correct him. "There is no evidence that God is real, no evidence that he created the earth. There is no way of knowing the Bible is true." "Yes, nobody knows it's true, but literally everyone else asked for his forgiveness on their deathbeds just in case." He rises from the armchair, leaving glowing embers. "Come on, you fool. I'll show you Hell." I follow him numbly. "Everyone?" I ask. "Everyone asked forgiveness?" "Yup. Every tribe in every country, every sailor, every scientist, every soldier. Nobody is exempt from God's grace." We step into a long hallway. "But - even the Nazis? But not me?" The floorboards creak under my feet, and I notice the devil's hooves. "Historically, much worse things have been done. But yes, everyone. Even you, but you chose not to accept it." He steps into an office. "Which brings us to this." The devil, who is shorter than I had imagined, opened a drawer in what was probably the world's largest filing cabinet. "Here's your file. Every sin you've ever committed." He passed a thick file to me, the only one in the cabinet. "Ahh, where do I start? The beginning?" I open the file, to see full pages of the smallest print readable. "Skip to the end, I love that bit," he says eagerly. I flip to the end. Only two lines, all capitals. The first reads IDIOT, the second, WISEASS. "It's the summary of your life, as written by God. Sometimes Gabriel writes it, but you, Jeremy, are a special case." He whirls around. "But you should see the fire and brimstone I've made - special for this occasion!"
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	The flames roared up around his face, burning ever hot. He looked around, quite confused. "This must be hell." he thought. "You're right! Congrats! You made it here!" Said the Devil, great and red. "If I'm in Hell, then that must mean..." "Yes, you are quite dead!" "In fact, surprise, you're #1! You're the first I've ever had!" "No! That can't be true!" he thought, "I wasn't quite that bad!" "What did I do to deserve this? What caused this hellish fate?" The Devil chuckled, and said with a grin "Oh trust me, this is great." "It's really quite simple, you see, your hellish, evil crime? You left the toilet seat up 87 fucking times.	Darkness. They say there is a light at the end of the tunnel, but I see none. Wait. Is that... applause? "What's going on?" I turn wildly, looking for the source of the sound. "Oh, right," a raspy voice says. Click. A lamp is turned on, illuminating a small table and an armchair, in which sat a short man in a devil costume. "Hi." "What's with the costume?" I ask, looking around. I seem to be in a library, or someone's living room. "I thought I was dead." "Jeremy. You are dead. It's not a costume." The man in the devil costume shakes his head at me. "Um, no. It is a costume, because the devil isn't real," I say. "How did you revive me? I thought I was dead. "You are dead, you idiot." He lifts his pitchfork. "I'm the devil, you dummy." "Well, that can't be true, because if it was, God would be real too." I'm the one shaking my head now. "Oh, Jeremy. God is real, just as real as you or I." I feel smugly superior to the man as I correct him. "There is no evidence that God is real, no evidence that he created the earth. There is no way of knowing the Bible is true." "Yes, nobody knows it's true, but literally everyone else asked for his forgiveness on their deathbeds just in case." He rises from the armchair, leaving glowing embers. "Come on, you fool. I'll show you Hell." I follow him numbly. "Everyone?" I ask. "Everyone asked forgiveness?" "Yup. Every tribe in every country, every sailor, every scientist, every soldier. Nobody is exempt from God's grace." We step into a long hallway. "But - even the Nazis? But not me?" The floorboards creak under my feet, and I notice the devil's hooves. "Historically, much worse things have been done. But yes, everyone. Even you, but you chose not to accept it." He steps into an office. "Which brings us to this." The devil, who is shorter than I had imagined, opened a drawer in what was probably the world's largest filing cabinet. "Here's your file. Every sin you've ever committed." He passed a thick file to me, the only one in the cabinet. "Ahh, where do I start? The beginning?" I open the file, to see full pages of the smallest print readable. "Skip to the end, I love that bit," he says eagerly. I flip to the end. Only two lines, all capitals. The first reads IDIOT, the second, WISEASS. "It's the summary of your life, as written by God. Sometimes Gabriel writes it, but you, Jeremy, are a special case." He whirls around. "But you should see the fire and brimstone I've made - special for this occasion!"
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	A crisp clap fills the atmosphere with dread, as the overwhelming darkness shifts to an endless sea of fire. The silhouette of a man with horns is projected ten times its size over the inferno. "Salutations, Jon," it's distorted voice boomed at the lowest pitch possible. "Welcome to my domain." The man glanced at endless landscape which produced a never ending heatwave. Sparks of fire melted his face slightly, and the heat was worse than jamming your head in an oven at full blast. Jon focused his sight on the demonic silhouette and did the unspeakable. "Hello Satan, it's nice to finally meet you." The shadow paused for a few moments confused, then it repeated, "It's... Nice to meet you?" "Yes," Jon verified with a smile. "Where is everybody." "In Heaven, you are the only one in hell," the silhouette studied the man carefully. The man's face became more and more disfigured by the moment, but still retained a smile. "Those poor souls, it must be an ignorant hell up there." "Why are you the first to fall, dark one," Lucifer felt that is first visitor was deserving of the title. But of course the crime that made Jon fall must have been just as bad as his own after all. "They attempted to make me, an atheist, go to heaven, I flat out refused." Lucifer didn't know what to say, he had no words in his vocabulary to describe what he felt to the man. So he muttered out what he could. "Why, how!?" "Because, I may have been an atheist but I knew the bible like the back of my hand, and if what it said was true, then hell is where I belong" Jon was slowly losing the ability to speak, Lucifer spotted this problem and quickly dimmed the everlasting inferno. Brimstone was all that designed the domain as far as the eye could see. "Why don't you want to go to heaven?!" Lucifer had to know, what possible reason could a mortal muster that could be wrong with heaven. "I didn't want to lose my individuality. Once your accepted into heaven, you ascend past your mortal coil and become a sinless being, stripped of any other thought than to praise God," Jon locked his eyes with the devil, his pride didn't waver in front of Satan. "I would prefer to burn all of eternity as me, rather than be in paradise as someone else." "Ha," the devil cracked up a bit, "Hahaha haha!" "HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" "I take back what I said earlier Jon," the devil placed his arm around Jon's shoulder. "You are the first V.I.P to ever fall into hell." With a flick of his wrist, the hellish landscape shifted into a coffee shop. Gorgeous woman lined up to get some coffee and sat down to chat. "Welcome to your own twisted little paradise, Jon." Jon examined himself and saw that his features were just as they were before the fire. His clothes was a sharp black suit, with a crimson red tie. He gazed at the variety of women and noticed one common trait, a hunger for libido in their eyes. "Lucifer, you probably don't hear this often but your my hero. " Jon walked away with a fun incentive in mind.	Darkness. They say there is a light at the end of the tunnel, but I see none. Wait. Is that... applause? "What's going on?" I turn wildly, looking for the source of the sound. "Oh, right," a raspy voice says. Click. A lamp is turned on, illuminating a small table and an armchair, in which sat a short man in a devil costume. "Hi." "What's with the costume?" I ask, looking around. I seem to be in a library, or someone's living room. "I thought I was dead." "Jeremy. You are dead. It's not a costume." The man in the devil costume shakes his head at me. "Um, no. It is a costume, because the devil isn't real," I say. "How did you revive me? I thought I was dead. "You are dead, you idiot." He lifts his pitchfork. "I'm the devil, you dummy." "Well, that can't be true, because if it was, God would be real too." I'm the one shaking my head now. "Oh, Jeremy. God is real, just as real as you or I." I feel smugly superior to the man as I correct him. "There is no evidence that God is real, no evidence that he created the earth. There is no way of knowing the Bible is true." "Yes, nobody knows it's true, but literally everyone else asked for his forgiveness on their deathbeds just in case." He rises from the armchair, leaving glowing embers. "Come on, you fool. I'll show you Hell." I follow him numbly. "Everyone?" I ask. "Everyone asked forgiveness?" "Yup. Every tribe in every country, every sailor, every scientist, every soldier. Nobody is exempt from God's grace." We step into a long hallway. "But - even the Nazis? But not me?" The floorboards creak under my feet, and I notice the devil's hooves. "Historically, much worse things have been done. But yes, everyone. Even you, but you chose not to accept it." He steps into an office. "Which brings us to this." The devil, who is shorter than I had imagined, opened a drawer in what was probably the world's largest filing cabinet. "Here's your file. Every sin you've ever committed." He passed a thick file to me, the only one in the cabinet. "Ahh, where do I start? The beginning?" I open the file, to see full pages of the smallest print readable. "Skip to the end, I love that bit," he says eagerly. I flip to the end. Only two lines, all capitals. The first reads IDIOT, the second, WISEASS. "It's the summary of your life, as written by God. Sometimes Gabriel writes it, but you, Jeremy, are a special case." He whirls around. "But you should see the fire and brimstone I've made - special for this occasion!"
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	“You’re here. Finally. I was getting sick of you living. You were truly pathetic when you were alive, I hope that will change soon enough because I’ve been told I am going to need you.” The devil spoke in a way you couldn’t tell his emotions if he had any. His voice was steady and when he spoke your attention was drawn towards him, towards his silhouette which gained more and more contrast and detail. At this point, the surroundings were visible as well. It was a forest, we were in a forest, only the two of us. It had all emerged in the time the devil took to welcome me, it had happened slowly, but also undeniably fast. I did not remember what there was before the forest was there, it was like it had always been there. The devil was sitting on a log, facing the bonfire which was placed in the middle of a circle of logs. It was dark, and the only light was from this fire, yet it didn’t seem scary, instead, it actually looked quite warm and cozy. While approaching the devil, he went on. “You’re the first person who has ever come here. I’ve redecorated it not too long ago.” He looked up as I sat down on a tree stump near the fire. His eyes were humanlike, just like his posture, but there was something off about the way his hands were folded into each other. He was leaning forward to the fire, with his elbows on his knees. His hood was covering his face, which made the shadows dance on his face. His eyes were so bright, you could even see them through the shadows, dancing on his pale face. He looked sad but in a majestic way. Even in this small position, there was an aura of power around him. I held my hands closer to the flames, the palms facing forwards. It was warm. His eyes fixated on the fire again. “Do make yourself at home, you won’t be leaving here anytime soon. You know, I like that you are not asking the obvious question. The ‘where am I?’, ‘What happened?’ and the ‘How did I die?’ Although, it may not be just you. You are not here to speak, for once I don’t want to hear the screams of yet another soul, haunted by its evil self, getting the punishment for the wrong he couldn’t stop doing. Your punishment is different, but you have figured that out already, haven’t you? You’re not as stupid as you presented yourself when you were alive. When you begged for attention, walking from one psychologist to the other. It is not that hard to figure out what your punishment would be, after a life of self-pity and self-proclaimed misery. In your life, you whined about your misery to every person walking by. In your death, you will listen to all the misery I encounter. And trust me, I have a lot to talk about.”	Darkness. They say there is a light at the end of the tunnel, but I see none. Wait. Is that... applause? "What's going on?" I turn wildly, looking for the source of the sound. "Oh, right," a raspy voice says. Click. A lamp is turned on, illuminating a small table and an armchair, in which sat a short man in a devil costume. "Hi." "What's with the costume?" I ask, looking around. I seem to be in a library, or someone's living room. "I thought I was dead." "Jeremy. You are dead. It's not a costume." The man in the devil costume shakes his head at me. "Um, no. It is a costume, because the devil isn't real," I say. "How did you revive me? I thought I was dead. "You are dead, you idiot." He lifts his pitchfork. "I'm the devil, you dummy." "Well, that can't be true, because if it was, God would be real too." I'm the one shaking my head now. "Oh, Jeremy. God is real, just as real as you or I." I feel smugly superior to the man as I correct him. "There is no evidence that God is real, no evidence that he created the earth. There is no way of knowing the Bible is true." "Yes, nobody knows it's true, but literally everyone else asked for his forgiveness on their deathbeds just in case." He rises from the armchair, leaving glowing embers. "Come on, you fool. I'll show you Hell." I follow him numbly. "Everyone?" I ask. "Everyone asked forgiveness?" "Yup. Every tribe in every country, every sailor, every scientist, every soldier. Nobody is exempt from God's grace." We step into a long hallway. "But - even the Nazis? But not me?" The floorboards creak under my feet, and I notice the devil's hooves. "Historically, much worse things have been done. But yes, everyone. Even you, but you chose not to accept it." He steps into an office. "Which brings us to this." The devil, who is shorter than I had imagined, opened a drawer in what was probably the world's largest filing cabinet. "Here's your file. Every sin you've ever committed." He passed a thick file to me, the only one in the cabinet. "Ahh, where do I start? The beginning?" I open the file, to see full pages of the smallest print readable. "Skip to the end, I love that bit," he says eagerly. I flip to the end. Only two lines, all capitals. The first reads IDIOT, the second, WISEASS. "It's the summary of your life, as written by God. Sometimes Gabriel writes it, but you, Jeremy, are a special case." He whirls around. "But you should see the fire and brimstone I've made - special for this occasion!"
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	A bang, a flash. Yes, I remember that clearly in mind. Surprisingly there was no pain. I suppose my body was already numb from the shock of coming home to find this man, no boy, in my house. It’s all really just a blur. I had only just spotted him when I opened the door. He was halfway down the stairs with my wife’s jewellery box in one hand and the gun in the other pointing directly at me. The shot followed quickly after. I didn’t even get a chance to tell him I didn’t care, that he could take it or even that I could help him. With the support of the church we had helped many people in the community just like him. The shot had sent me hard to the ground, banging my head off the wall on the way down. My instincts took over and I just grabbed Rose. Attempting to put myself between her and my attacker. He didn’t even look at us as he stepped over me and strode out the door. I clenched my hand full of Rose’s dress and pulled her close. Blood was now everywhere, my shirt, the carpet and her dress. She had only got it last week for her birthday. The massive grin glowed from her all day. There was no sign of it now. My poor innocent girl, eyes wide just stared at me. A stream of tears flowed down her cheeks. “I love you Rose. You and your mother are the greatest things to ever happen to me. Don’t lose faith. I will be with god soon.” Ha, god. Where was he now? I stood now in an extravagate hall. Six marble columns etched with carvings of runes and symbols flanked both my sides. A large fire was blazing in the western walls fire pit; however I don’t suspect that what was cause of the humid heat that pressured my skin from every angle. And there he was, sat on the throne just staring at me with those deep, dark red eyes. “Well, after all these years” his voice boomed out, echoing of the cold stone walls. “You are the first human”, he really emphasised the word human “to ever step into my….” “What?! The first human?” I interrupted. The rage flooded over me like nothing I had ever felt before. I unclenched my right hand and pointed straight at him. “I know who you are, Satan. But how can I be the first human to ever be sent to hell. Me a worshipper of god, who had helped so many people on to the path god had carved out for us, who had been the man in the house since his father abandoned before he was born, who was a loving husband and caring father. HOW CAN I BE THE FIRST!” I had never felt such anger. I could feel my eyes peeled wide open but my vision had now narrowed with one thing in focus, him. The heat that had made breathing hard was now gone. His mouth widened into a massive grin baring his white, razor teeth at me. “Ah, yes. You have lived your whole life of righteousness and kindness. Been a loving husband and father you always wanted. Your mother, what did she ever tell you of your father?” I stumbled on the question. Why would he care about him? He who should be here, not me. “She never spoke of him. Whenever I would ask she would try to pass it off and tell me he was….” No. It can’t be. His smile widened even further. “the Devil?” Edit: Just wanted to add any feedback is much welcomed since this was my first input to Writing Prompts	Darkness. They say there is a light at the end of the tunnel, but I see none. Wait. Is that... applause? "What's going on?" I turn wildly, looking for the source of the sound. "Oh, right," a raspy voice says. Click. A lamp is turned on, illuminating a small table and an armchair, in which sat a short man in a devil costume. "Hi." "What's with the costume?" I ask, looking around. I seem to be in a library, or someone's living room. "I thought I was dead." "Jeremy. You are dead. It's not a costume." The man in the devil costume shakes his head at me. "Um, no. It is a costume, because the devil isn't real," I say. "How did you revive me? I thought I was dead. "You are dead, you idiot." He lifts his pitchfork. "I'm the devil, you dummy." "Well, that can't be true, because if it was, God would be real too." I'm the one shaking my head now. "Oh, Jeremy. God is real, just as real as you or I." I feel smugly superior to the man as I correct him. "There is no evidence that God is real, no evidence that he created the earth. There is no way of knowing the Bible is true." "Yes, nobody knows it's true, but literally everyone else asked for his forgiveness on their deathbeds just in case." He rises from the armchair, leaving glowing embers. "Come on, you fool. I'll show you Hell." I follow him numbly. "Everyone?" I ask. "Everyone asked forgiveness?" "Yup. Every tribe in every country, every sailor, every scientist, every soldier. Nobody is exempt from God's grace." We step into a long hallway. "But - even the Nazis? But not me?" The floorboards creak under my feet, and I notice the devil's hooves. "Historically, much worse things have been done. But yes, everyone. Even you, but you chose not to accept it." He steps into an office. "Which brings us to this." The devil, who is shorter than I had imagined, opened a drawer in what was probably the world's largest filing cabinet. "Here's your file. Every sin you've ever committed." He passed a thick file to me, the only one in the cabinet. "Ahh, where do I start? The beginning?" I open the file, to see full pages of the smallest print readable. "Skip to the end, I love that bit," he says eagerly. I flip to the end. Only two lines, all capitals. The first reads IDIOT, the second, WISEASS. "It's the summary of your life, as written by God. Sometimes Gabriel writes it, but you, Jeremy, are a special case." He whirls around. "But you should see the fire and brimstone I've made - special for this occasion!"
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	A bone-jarring impact jolts me awake, followed by a few seconds of searing pain. I try to sit up, but the searing pain keeps me on by back. After a moment, the pain begins to subside and I'm able to sit up and take stock of my situation. When I look down at myself I nearly pass out. What once was a mostly healthy, slightly overweight body is now a mangled purple husk... "What.... happened?" I say to myself... After a few moments my memory returns... Fuck. Why'd I have to go base jumping from the Petronas Towers while on vacation in Malaysia? It's clear that the impact I heard was ME hitting the ground. Where am I anyway? This clearly isn't Kuala Lumpur. I struggle to my feet, amazed that my wrecked form can handle that much. Looking around I see nothing but a small room that seems to be carved from bedrock. There is no furnishings of any sort. A faint light glows from the ceiling above, but I can't see any actual source. I spot a door on one wall. Despite an inexplicable feeling of dread, I am compelled toward the door. I open it and step into a hallway. The walls are transparent, and through them lies everyone's worst nightmare. Fire and brimstone. Lava flowing down into pits. It dawns on me... I'm in HELL. From the other end of the short hallway, a man steps through the door. He's dressed in ragged black robes that seem to be worn over the top of even more ragged red robes. His beard is black, with a stripe of white running down the middle. The most alarming feature are two rams horns spiraling around each side of his head.... He's... clapping? "Who are you!?" I demand with alarm. "Who am I?" he says, "There are some who call me... Tim. But you? You can call me Satan. Or just Stan if you wish. Welcome to hell!" I snort in amusement. "Really? A Monty Python joke? Do you greet people like this all the time?" "Uh... well... you could say that. You're the first one to arrive." he admits. "What? With all the murderers and rapists on earth, I am the first one to go to hell? How the fuck does THAT work!? I've never killed anybody, harmed anyone, or stolen anything." I shout Stan sighs as if defeated. "Do you honestly think God would condemn his children to eternal pain and torture? The only way I'm ALLOWED any souls is through making deals... and after the humiliation of losing a fiddle contest to some snot-nosed kid I haven't really cared to try. My last effort was an attempt at a cyber-contract. All they had to do was pay for a piece of software and I'd own their soul." The sense of dread gets deeper... I know why I'm here. I know what doomed me to hell. "Fuck... You mean I'm the only one that paid for WinRar?" Stan grins at me and says "Like I said. Welcome to Hell." ----------------------------------------------------------------- Interested in feedback. This is probably the second time I've ever written in Writing Prompts... I don't know why I haven't done it more. I always have a blast making this stuff up. Edit: Holy cow! I didn't really expect this to explode like this. Thanks for the Updoots and all the kind comments! :) I think I'll have to do more of these! Edit 2: This post has more than doubled my total comment karma..... I'm kinda flabbergasted... Thank you all again! Edit 3: Wow... Gold... Thank you kind stranger!!	Darkness. They say there is a light at the end of the tunnel, but I see none. Wait. Is that... applause? "What's going on?" I turn wildly, looking for the source of the sound. "Oh, right," a raspy voice says. Click. A lamp is turned on, illuminating a small table and an armchair, in which sat a short man in a devil costume. "Hi." "What's with the costume?" I ask, looking around. I seem to be in a library, or someone's living room. "I thought I was dead." "Jeremy. You are dead. It's not a costume." The man in the devil costume shakes his head at me. "Um, no. It is a costume, because the devil isn't real," I say. "How did you revive me? I thought I was dead. "You are dead, you idiot." He lifts his pitchfork. "I'm the devil, you dummy." "Well, that can't be true, because if it was, God would be real too." I'm the one shaking my head now. "Oh, Jeremy. God is real, just as real as you or I." I feel smugly superior to the man as I correct him. "There is no evidence that God is real, no evidence that he created the earth. There is no way of knowing the Bible is true." "Yes, nobody knows it's true, but literally everyone else asked for his forgiveness on their deathbeds just in case." He rises from the armchair, leaving glowing embers. "Come on, you fool. I'll show you Hell." I follow him numbly. "Everyone?" I ask. "Everyone asked forgiveness?" "Yup. Every tribe in every country, every sailor, every scientist, every soldier. Nobody is exempt from God's grace." We step into a long hallway. "But - even the Nazis? But not me?" The floorboards creak under my feet, and I notice the devil's hooves. "Historically, much worse things have been done. But yes, everyone. Even you, but you chose not to accept it." He steps into an office. "Which brings us to this." The devil, who is shorter than I had imagined, opened a drawer in what was probably the world's largest filing cabinet. "Here's your file. Every sin you've ever committed." He passed a thick file to me, the only one in the cabinet. "Ahh, where do I start? The beginning?" I open the file, to see full pages of the smallest print readable. "Skip to the end, I love that bit," he says eagerly. I flip to the end. Only two lines, all capitals. The first reads IDIOT, the second, WISEASS. "It's the summary of your life, as written by God. Sometimes Gabriel writes it, but you, Jeremy, are a special case." He whirls around. "But you should see the fire and brimstone I've made - special for this occasion!"
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	A crisp clap fills the atmosphere with dread, as the overwhelming darkness shifts to an endless sea of fire. The silhouette of a man with horns is projected ten times its size over the inferno. "Salutations, Jon," it's distorted voice boomed at the lowest pitch possible. "Welcome to my domain." The man glanced at endless landscape which produced a never ending heatwave. Sparks of fire melted his face slightly, and the heat was worse than jamming your head in an oven at full blast. Jon focused his sight on the demonic silhouette and did the unspeakable. "Hello Satan, it's nice to finally meet you." The shadow paused for a few moments confused, then it repeated, "It's... Nice to meet you?" "Yes," Jon verified with a smile. "Where is everybody." "In Heaven, you are the only one in hell," the silhouette studied the man carefully. The man's face became more and more disfigured by the moment, but still retained a smile. "Those poor souls, it must be an ignorant hell up there." "Why are you the first to fall, dark one," Lucifer felt that is first visitor was deserving of the title. But of course the crime that made Jon fall must have been just as bad as his own after all. "They attempted to make me, an atheist, go to heaven, I flat out refused." Lucifer didn't know what to say, he had no words in his vocabulary to describe what he felt to the man. So he muttered out what he could. "Why, how!?" "Because, I may have been an atheist but I knew the bible like the back of my hand, and if what it said was true, then hell is where I belong" Jon was slowly losing the ability to speak, Lucifer spotted this problem and quickly dimmed the everlasting inferno. Brimstone was all that designed the domain as far as the eye could see. "Why don't you want to go to heaven?!" Lucifer had to know, what possible reason could a mortal muster that could be wrong with heaven. "I didn't want to lose my individuality. Once your accepted into heaven, you ascend past your mortal coil and become a sinless being, stripped of any other thought than to praise God," Jon locked his eyes with the devil, his pride didn't waver in front of Satan. "I would prefer to burn all of eternity as me, rather than be in paradise as someone else." "Ha," the devil cracked up a bit, "Hahaha haha!" "HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" "I take back what I said earlier Jon," the devil placed his arm around Jon's shoulder. "You are the first V.I.P to ever fall into hell." With a flick of his wrist, the hellish landscape shifted into a coffee shop. Gorgeous woman lined up to get some coffee and sat down to chat. "Welcome to your own twisted little paradise, Jon." Jon examined himself and saw that his features were just as they were before the fire. His clothes was a sharp black suit, with a crimson red tie. He gazed at the variety of women and noticed one common trait, a hunger for libido in their eyes. "Lucifer, you probably don't hear this often but your my hero. " Jon walked away with a fun incentive in mind.	The Devil's face told you everything you needed to know at that moment. His clap was sardonic and so incredibly sad. "How, how the hell did you end up here...in Hell?" "Well, you know I just made a few mistakes. Wasn't really paying attention and I let a few things get out of hand." "Yeah, but you of all people. Seriously, bro. How?" "Well, it started out as not really focusing for a while, thinking people in charge would know what they were doing. Basically, a serious of dominos that just fell and once I woke up from my rest things had gone to shit." "Yep, but you 'know everything' are 'all powerful'. You're the one that kicked me out. How does God end up in Hell?" "Long story short, I made these giant lizards, then got a little drunk killed them off. Created these human things, let them have free will, then they started killing each other like it was their job. So, since I wrote the rules about how to be a good person and I'm responsible for the death of entire species and I've let millions of people die it's time for me to punish myself." "So, I'm in charge now?" "Not really, I'm still the boss, you're more like the care taker. Also, Mike and Gabe will still be around to keep you here and kick your ass periodically. Just don't let the humies finally finish each other off. Create some collective enemy for them. Hey, there's a use for my giant lizards." "You're still drunk aren't you." "Maybe..."
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	A crisp clap fills the atmosphere with dread, as the overwhelming darkness shifts to an endless sea of fire. The silhouette of a man with horns is projected ten times its size over the inferno. "Salutations, Jon," it's distorted voice boomed at the lowest pitch possible. "Welcome to my domain." The man glanced at endless landscape which produced a never ending heatwave. Sparks of fire melted his face slightly, and the heat was worse than jamming your head in an oven at full blast. Jon focused his sight on the demonic silhouette and did the unspeakable. "Hello Satan, it's nice to finally meet you." The shadow paused for a few moments confused, then it repeated, "It's... Nice to meet you?" "Yes," Jon verified with a smile. "Where is everybody." "In Heaven, you are the only one in hell," the silhouette studied the man carefully. The man's face became more and more disfigured by the moment, but still retained a smile. "Those poor souls, it must be an ignorant hell up there." "Why are you the first to fall, dark one," Lucifer felt that is first visitor was deserving of the title. But of course the crime that made Jon fall must have been just as bad as his own after all. "They attempted to make me, an atheist, go to heaven, I flat out refused." Lucifer didn't know what to say, he had no words in his vocabulary to describe what he felt to the man. So he muttered out what he could. "Why, how!?" "Because, I may have been an atheist but I knew the bible like the back of my hand, and if what it said was true, then hell is where I belong" Jon was slowly losing the ability to speak, Lucifer spotted this problem and quickly dimmed the everlasting inferno. Brimstone was all that designed the domain as far as the eye could see. "Why don't you want to go to heaven?!" Lucifer had to know, what possible reason could a mortal muster that could be wrong with heaven. "I didn't want to lose my individuality. Once your accepted into heaven, you ascend past your mortal coil and become a sinless being, stripped of any other thought than to praise God," Jon locked his eyes with the devil, his pride didn't waver in front of Satan. "I would prefer to burn all of eternity as me, rather than be in paradise as someone else." "Ha," the devil cracked up a bit, "Hahaha haha!" "HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" "I take back what I said earlier Jon," the devil placed his arm around Jon's shoulder. "You are the first V.I.P to ever fall into hell." With a flick of his wrist, the hellish landscape shifted into a coffee shop. Gorgeous woman lined up to get some coffee and sat down to chat. "Welcome to your own twisted little paradise, Jon." Jon examined himself and saw that his features were just as they were before the fire. His clothes was a sharp black suit, with a crimson red tie. He gazed at the variety of women and noticed one common trait, a hunger for libido in their eyes. "Lucifer, you probably don't hear this often but your my hero. " Jon walked away with a fun incentive in mind.	The flames roared up around his face, burning ever hot. He looked around, quite confused. "This must be hell." he thought. "You're right! Congrats! You made it here!" Said the Devil, great and red. "If I'm in Hell, then that must mean..." "Yes, you are quite dead!" "In fact, surprise, you're #1! You're the first I've ever had!" "No! That can't be true!" he thought, "I wasn't quite that bad!" "What did I do to deserve this? What caused this hellish fate?" The Devil chuckled, and said with a grin "Oh trust me, this is great." "It's really quite simple, you see, your hellish, evil crime? You left the toilet seat up 87 fucking times.
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	“You’re here. Finally. I was getting sick of you living. You were truly pathetic when you were alive, I hope that will change soon enough because I’ve been told I am going to need you.” The devil spoke in a way you couldn’t tell his emotions if he had any. His voice was steady and when he spoke your attention was drawn towards him, towards his silhouette which gained more and more contrast and detail. At this point, the surroundings were visible as well. It was a forest, we were in a forest, only the two of us. It had all emerged in the time the devil took to welcome me, it had happened slowly, but also undeniably fast. I did not remember what there was before the forest was there, it was like it had always been there. The devil was sitting on a log, facing the bonfire which was placed in the middle of a circle of logs. It was dark, and the only light was from this fire, yet it didn’t seem scary, instead, it actually looked quite warm and cozy. While approaching the devil, he went on. “You’re the first person who has ever come here. I’ve redecorated it not too long ago.” He looked up as I sat down on a tree stump near the fire. His eyes were humanlike, just like his posture, but there was something off about the way his hands were folded into each other. He was leaning forward to the fire, with his elbows on his knees. His hood was covering his face, which made the shadows dance on his face. His eyes were so bright, you could even see them through the shadows, dancing on his pale face. He looked sad but in a majestic way. Even in this small position, there was an aura of power around him. I held my hands closer to the flames, the palms facing forwards. It was warm. His eyes fixated on the fire again. “Do make yourself at home, you won’t be leaving here anytime soon. You know, I like that you are not asking the obvious question. The ‘where am I?’, ‘What happened?’ and the ‘How did I die?’ Although, it may not be just you. You are not here to speak, for once I don’t want to hear the screams of yet another soul, haunted by its evil self, getting the punishment for the wrong he couldn’t stop doing. Your punishment is different, but you have figured that out already, haven’t you? You’re not as stupid as you presented yourself when you were alive. When you begged for attention, walking from one psychologist to the other. It is not that hard to figure out what your punishment would be, after a life of self-pity and self-proclaimed misery. In your life, you whined about your misery to every person walking by. In your death, you will listen to all the misery I encounter. And trust me, I have a lot to talk about.”	The flames roared up around his face, burning ever hot. He looked around, quite confused. "This must be hell." he thought. "You're right! Congrats! You made it here!" Said the Devil, great and red. "If I'm in Hell, then that must mean..." "Yes, you are quite dead!" "In fact, surprise, you're #1! You're the first I've ever had!" "No! That can't be true!" he thought, "I wasn't quite that bad!" "What did I do to deserve this? What caused this hellish fate?" The Devil chuckled, and said with a grin "Oh trust me, this is great." "It's really quite simple, you see, your hellish, evil crime? You left the toilet seat up 87 fucking times.
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	A bone-jarring impact jolts me awake, followed by a few seconds of searing pain. I try to sit up, but the searing pain keeps me on by back. After a moment, the pain begins to subside and I'm able to sit up and take stock of my situation. When I look down at myself I nearly pass out. What once was a mostly healthy, slightly overweight body is now a mangled purple husk... "What.... happened?" I say to myself... After a few moments my memory returns... Fuck. Why'd I have to go base jumping from the Petronas Towers while on vacation in Malaysia? It's clear that the impact I heard was ME hitting the ground. Where am I anyway? This clearly isn't Kuala Lumpur. I struggle to my feet, amazed that my wrecked form can handle that much. Looking around I see nothing but a small room that seems to be carved from bedrock. There is no furnishings of any sort. A faint light glows from the ceiling above, but I can't see any actual source. I spot a door on one wall. Despite an inexplicable feeling of dread, I am compelled toward the door. I open it and step into a hallway. The walls are transparent, and through them lies everyone's worst nightmare. Fire and brimstone. Lava flowing down into pits. It dawns on me... I'm in HELL. From the other end of the short hallway, a man steps through the door. He's dressed in ragged black robes that seem to be worn over the top of even more ragged red robes. His beard is black, with a stripe of white running down the middle. The most alarming feature are two rams horns spiraling around each side of his head.... He's... clapping? "Who are you!?" I demand with alarm. "Who am I?" he says, "There are some who call me... Tim. But you? You can call me Satan. Or just Stan if you wish. Welcome to hell!" I snort in amusement. "Really? A Monty Python joke? Do you greet people like this all the time?" "Uh... well... you could say that. You're the first one to arrive." he admits. "What? With all the murderers and rapists on earth, I am the first one to go to hell? How the fuck does THAT work!? I've never killed anybody, harmed anyone, or stolen anything." I shout Stan sighs as if defeated. "Do you honestly think God would condemn his children to eternal pain and torture? The only way I'm ALLOWED any souls is through making deals... and after the humiliation of losing a fiddle contest to some snot-nosed kid I haven't really cared to try. My last effort was an attempt at a cyber-contract. All they had to do was pay for a piece of software and I'd own their soul." The sense of dread gets deeper... I know why I'm here. I know what doomed me to hell. "Fuck... You mean I'm the only one that paid for WinRar?" Stan grins at me and says "Like I said. Welcome to Hell." ----------------------------------------------------------------- Interested in feedback. This is probably the second time I've ever written in Writing Prompts... I don't know why I haven't done it more. I always have a blast making this stuff up. Edit: Holy cow! I didn't really expect this to explode like this. Thanks for the Updoots and all the kind comments! :) I think I'll have to do more of these! Edit 2: This post has more than doubled my total comment karma..... I'm kinda flabbergasted... Thank you all again! Edit 3: Wow... Gold... Thank you kind stranger!!	The flames roared up around his face, burning ever hot. He looked around, quite confused. "This must be hell." he thought. "You're right! Congrats! You made it here!" Said the Devil, great and red. "If I'm in Hell, then that must mean..." "Yes, you are quite dead!" "In fact, surprise, you're #1! You're the first I've ever had!" "No! That can't be true!" he thought, "I wasn't quite that bad!" "What did I do to deserve this? What caused this hellish fate?" The Devil chuckled, and said with a grin "Oh trust me, this is great." "It's really quite simple, you see, your hellish, evil crime? You left the toilet seat up 87 fucking times.
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	A bone-jarring impact jolts me awake, followed by a few seconds of searing pain. I try to sit up, but the searing pain keeps me on by back. After a moment, the pain begins to subside and I'm able to sit up and take stock of my situation. When I look down at myself I nearly pass out. What once was a mostly healthy, slightly overweight body is now a mangled purple husk... "What.... happened?" I say to myself... After a few moments my memory returns... Fuck. Why'd I have to go base jumping from the Petronas Towers while on vacation in Malaysia? It's clear that the impact I heard was ME hitting the ground. Where am I anyway? This clearly isn't Kuala Lumpur. I struggle to my feet, amazed that my wrecked form can handle that much. Looking around I see nothing but a small room that seems to be carved from bedrock. There is no furnishings of any sort. A faint light glows from the ceiling above, but I can't see any actual source. I spot a door on one wall. Despite an inexplicable feeling of dread, I am compelled toward the door. I open it and step into a hallway. The walls are transparent, and through them lies everyone's worst nightmare. Fire and brimstone. Lava flowing down into pits. It dawns on me... I'm in HELL. From the other end of the short hallway, a man steps through the door. He's dressed in ragged black robes that seem to be worn over the top of even more ragged red robes. His beard is black, with a stripe of white running down the middle. The most alarming feature are two rams horns spiraling around each side of his head.... He's... clapping? "Who are you!?" I demand with alarm. "Who am I?" he says, "There are some who call me... Tim. But you? You can call me Satan. Or just Stan if you wish. Welcome to hell!" I snort in amusement. "Really? A Monty Python joke? Do you greet people like this all the time?" "Uh... well... you could say that. You're the first one to arrive." he admits. "What? With all the murderers and rapists on earth, I am the first one to go to hell? How the fuck does THAT work!? I've never killed anybody, harmed anyone, or stolen anything." I shout Stan sighs as if defeated. "Do you honestly think God would condemn his children to eternal pain and torture? The only way I'm ALLOWED any souls is through making deals... and after the humiliation of losing a fiddle contest to some snot-nosed kid I haven't really cared to try. My last effort was an attempt at a cyber-contract. All they had to do was pay for a piece of software and I'd own their soul." The sense of dread gets deeper... I know why I'm here. I know what doomed me to hell. "Fuck... You mean I'm the only one that paid for WinRar?" Stan grins at me and says "Like I said. Welcome to Hell." ----------------------------------------------------------------- Interested in feedback. This is probably the second time I've ever written in Writing Prompts... I don't know why I haven't done it more. I always have a blast making this stuff up. Edit: Holy cow! I didn't really expect this to explode like this. Thanks for the Updoots and all the kind comments! :) I think I'll have to do more of these! Edit 2: This post has more than doubled my total comment karma..... I'm kinda flabbergasted... Thank you all again! Edit 3: Wow... Gold... Thank you kind stranger!!	“You’re here. Finally. I was getting sick of you living. You were truly pathetic when you were alive, I hope that will change soon enough because I’ve been told I am going to need you.” The devil spoke in a way you couldn’t tell his emotions if he had any. His voice was steady and when he spoke your attention was drawn towards him, towards his silhouette which gained more and more contrast and detail. At this point, the surroundings were visible as well. It was a forest, we were in a forest, only the two of us. It had all emerged in the time the devil took to welcome me, it had happened slowly, but also undeniably fast. I did not remember what there was before the forest was there, it was like it had always been there. The devil was sitting on a log, facing the bonfire which was placed in the middle of a circle of logs. It was dark, and the only light was from this fire, yet it didn’t seem scary, instead, it actually looked quite warm and cozy. While approaching the devil, he went on. “You’re the first person who has ever come here. I’ve redecorated it not too long ago.” He looked up as I sat down on a tree stump near the fire. His eyes were humanlike, just like his posture, but there was something off about the way his hands were folded into each other. He was leaning forward to the fire, with his elbows on his knees. His hood was covering his face, which made the shadows dance on his face. His eyes were so bright, you could even see them through the shadows, dancing on his pale face. He looked sad but in a majestic way. Even in this small position, there was an aura of power around him. I held my hands closer to the flames, the palms facing forwards. It was warm. His eyes fixated on the fire again. “Do make yourself at home, you won’t be leaving here anytime soon. You know, I like that you are not asking the obvious question. The ‘where am I?’, ‘What happened?’ and the ‘How did I die?’ Although, it may not be just you. You are not here to speak, for once I don’t want to hear the screams of yet another soul, haunted by its evil self, getting the punishment for the wrong he couldn’t stop doing. Your punishment is different, but you have figured that out already, haven’t you? You’re not as stupid as you presented yourself when you were alive. When you begged for attention, walking from one psychologist to the other. It is not that hard to figure out what your punishment would be, after a life of self-pity and self-proclaimed misery. In your life, you whined about your misery to every person walking by. In your death, you will listen to all the misery I encounter. And trust me, I have a lot to talk about.”
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	The great demon rises from his golden throne and begins to clap; his leather-like hands produce a sound like mocking thunder. The cavern shakes as the noise echoes off the walls. His blood-red lips curl into a terrible smile. "Is this... Hell?" I ask, hoping for something, but knowing another. He stops clapping, allowing his arms to fall beside him, but his grin grows wider. Jagged teeth protrude from his slightly open mouth. The cavern is cold and empty, and a terrible silence lingers in it that is only punctuated by the occasional dripping of water onto stone. "Why are we alone?" I ask. "Hell is a lonely place," he answers. "A little less lonely now, perhaps." "I am the only one?" He nods. "Yes." "That can't be!" He smile becomes gentle, faux-sympathetic. "What did I do, to deserve this?" I ask, hot tears streaming down my face. "I lived my life by the scripture! I was a good person, I believe." "Yes, you were a good person." he says. "You were faithful to your wife. You gave all you could spare to charity. In every way you believed was important, you were a good man." "That's right," I join in, hoping he might realise there's been a mistake. "I never drank or did drugs. I never lied or tricked or... or took advantage of another living soul." "You were perfect," he laughs in agreement. "Then...why am I here? Why just me?" "Robert," he begins, "you are the first being to have truly wasted the gift of life." My heart sinks. "Wasted?" I whisper. He nods. "Life is precious. You lived your life following the hollow words of other men - wasting life, in how you lived it. That is the only true sin. You are the first. I expect you shall be the last, too." "No...please," I beg, gasping for breath that doesn't come. "Now we are ready," he says, his grin returning. He wraps a hulking arm around my shoulders. His flesh is like a furnace and it burns through my clothes, singing the skin beneath - branding me, in the Devil's stain. "I have been waiting a long time for a playmate," he whispers in my ear.	Satan: Perhaps there is redemption even for me. The Deceased: Am I the only one here? Satan: NO! WE are here! The Deceased: Meaning...? Satan: This is no longer Hell. For to be in Hell is to be completely and utterly alone. The Deceased: Well, hello then!
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	The strangest thing about the afterlife is that it was empty. I let my eyes adjust to... Well, being dead I suppose. Tall rock caverns, lakes of fire? Oh, very Milton. This had to be hell. But, no one was here? Wasn't hell supposed to be other people? I clambered over some loose rocks and just kept going. Pretty similar landscapes. Rocks. Fire. Darkness. The corridor I was following hit a fork. To one side there was a light. Well obviously I had to follow the light at the end of the tunnel. Yes that's how it goes. Got to get myself out of this... Hell hole. It got brighter and brighter and warmer and warmer. But I didn't mind much. Dead perks! Can't feel anything. The light was a room. Huge throne in the middle. Very tacky. Bones, suffering, screaming faces. The works. Looked like someone trying to be edgy. "Uh. Hello?" Satan, and it had to be Satan, he looked the part, turned around. "Hello! " He spoke in a voice that sounded coated with dust. To my utter surprise, he started manically applauding. Tears in his eyes. "I haven't seen anyone for hundred of years. At least I think it's been hundreds of years. Oh thank God. Someone qualified." He was almost sobbing. "Yeah... Where is everyone?" "Oh, I only know what the last one told me. In the beginning it was really hard to get into the pearly gates. Really serious selection criteria, only the best of the best. And actually pretty hard to get into this place you know, priests could basically just sell you forgiveness. So everyone ended up in purgatory. Cluttering it up." I noticed that he started, well, fading a little. But I was too polite to say anything. Not to the first being I'd seen. "Anyhow the big boss man decided to relax the rules a little. Stop purgatory from being crowded. Sent his kid down to tell everyone. It didn't go so well apparently. Anyhow more people got in. But because of the rules mix up everything was a mess. So due to clerical errors they just went, bugger it, and let everyone through." I could see the wall through him now. How odd. I wondered if he faded in and out periodically. "But you see, someone had to be left down here to take care of it. Someone had to qualify. And now you've qualified." He was fading quicker and quicker. "Thank you so much. For relieving me of my post. " It finally hit me "No! Please! Don't leave! What did I do? What did I do?" "I can't control it. But you see, you did the worst thing possible. " "What?!" This sentence was the last thing left of him. "You aimed to reach higher than humanity. I, Faustus, should have stayed with physics. You tried to become a God." "You mean every so often a scientist qualifies to become Satan?" But he was gone. And now I am alone, only, not quite. The walls are filled with enough knowledge to make humans Gods. If only they knew.	Satan: Perhaps there is redemption even for me. The Deceased: Am I the only one here? Satan: NO! WE are here! The Deceased: Meaning...? Satan: This is no longer Hell. For to be in Hell is to be completely and utterly alone. The Deceased: Well, hello then!
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	The land is desolate and barren for as far as I can see, devoid of all life except for the solitary red figure before me, his claps resonating across the entire empty plane. He grins widely, brandishing row of sharpened white teeth. "Now what manner of bastard must you've been to end up here?" I shrug dejectedly, my eyes tracing the entirety of the man. He is no taller than I am, with sharp black hair and a pointed beard. His smile is charming, although gives me the fearful impression of a crocodile; the sort of smile you give your dinner before eating it. I don't like the idea of being prey. "Oh, come now," he continues, his tone equal parts mellifluous and commanding. "Surely you must've done something." "I can't say," I mutter, backing up defensively. "Can't say? Don't tell me that, darling. We're going to be here an awful long time in silence if you don't part that mouth of yours." "I choose to be here," I concede, feeling myself shiver as I chance a look at his eyes - two orbs of onyx, conveying nothing but malice as they pierce my gaze and soul, leaving me quivering in the recess. Entirely at his mercy. "Chose?" He repeats, rolling the word around his tongue. He quirks a brow, chortling softly. "Now who in their right mind would choose, willingly, to be in Hell?" "Me," I whisper, my voice no louder than a passing wind. "You," he repeats, stepping forward. "Are you mocking me?" "No, Lucifer, I am no-" He freezes suddenly, all pretence of amicability dropping abruptly as his black eyes begin to flare, an entire inferno erupted around his body. Satan in all his hellish terror steps forth, his hand reaching for my neck. I quickly pull away, retreating back. "How dare you use my name? How are you even privy to such knowledge, mortal?" "G-God told me..." "God? God?!" His wings unfurl from his back, unveiling more of his demonic form as a black tongue snaked out from between his lips. "It was his request for me to come," I splutter, trying to at least attempt to defuse the situation. "You remember the story of Job?" The Devil himself faltered, "Yes, that devout man who God challenged me to corrupt. He remained steadfast in his fate no matter what I took - it was sordid to witness one with such will succumb to being little more than a zealot." "Yes, the man of legend himself. Well, now God has tried something else - a deal amongst his angels, as opposed to with you. To see if any amongst their ranks can come to you and convince you to return home, as you tried to convince Job into debauchery." "You intend to convince me, The Devourer, the Tyrant, Lord of Flies and abominations, to return home? To the bastardisation that is your so-called 'Heaven'? I'd rather die." "I'm just the messenger! Please take it up with the man himself if you have a problem. The angels shall be arriving soon." The Devil chews his lip, his vision tearing from me and instead looking to the red, swirling mass above us. The Sky separating Hell from Heaven, the colour of freshly spilled blood. He licks his lips, "There'll be blood if they come for me, that I can assure you of." "I don't doubt it." ---- /r/coffeeandwriting for more! Edit: Part 2 is up here! [Part 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/CoffeeAndWriting/comments/6itabv/writing_prompt_response_you_die_and_go_to_hell/)	Satan: Perhaps there is redemption even for me. The Deceased: Am I the only one here? Satan: NO! WE are here! The Deceased: Meaning...? Satan: This is no longer Hell. For to be in Hell is to be completely and utterly alone. The Deceased: Well, hello then!
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	A bang, a flash. Yes, I remember that clearly in mind. Surprisingly there was no pain. I suppose my body was already numb from the shock of coming home to find this man, no boy, in my house. It’s all really just a blur. I had only just spotted him when I opened the door. He was halfway down the stairs with my wife’s jewellery box in one hand and the gun in the other pointing directly at me. The shot followed quickly after. I didn’t even get a chance to tell him I didn’t care, that he could take it or even that I could help him. With the support of the church we had helped many people in the community just like him. The shot had sent me hard to the ground, banging my head off the wall on the way down. My instincts took over and I just grabbed Rose. Attempting to put myself between her and my attacker. He didn’t even look at us as he stepped over me and strode out the door. I clenched my hand full of Rose’s dress and pulled her close. Blood was now everywhere, my shirt, the carpet and her dress. She had only got it last week for her birthday. The massive grin glowed from her all day. There was no sign of it now. My poor innocent girl, eyes wide just stared at me. A stream of tears flowed down her cheeks. “I love you Rose. You and your mother are the greatest things to ever happen to me. Don’t lose faith. I will be with god soon.” Ha, god. Where was he now? I stood now in an extravagate hall. Six marble columns etched with carvings of runes and symbols flanked both my sides. A large fire was blazing in the western walls fire pit; however I don’t suspect that what was cause of the humid heat that pressured my skin from every angle. And there he was, sat on the throne just staring at me with those deep, dark red eyes. “Well, after all these years” his voice boomed out, echoing of the cold stone walls. “You are the first human”, he really emphasised the word human “to ever step into my….” “What?! The first human?” I interrupted. The rage flooded over me like nothing I had ever felt before. I unclenched my right hand and pointed straight at him. “I know who you are, Satan. But how can I be the first human to ever be sent to hell. Me a worshipper of god, who had helped so many people on to the path god had carved out for us, who had been the man in the house since his father abandoned before he was born, who was a loving husband and caring father. HOW CAN I BE THE FIRST!” I had never felt such anger. I could feel my eyes peeled wide open but my vision had now narrowed with one thing in focus, him. The heat that had made breathing hard was now gone. His mouth widened into a massive grin baring his white, razor teeth at me. “Ah, yes. You have lived your whole life of righteousness and kindness. Been a loving husband and father you always wanted. Your mother, what did she ever tell you of your father?” I stumbled on the question. Why would he care about him? He who should be here, not me. “She never spoke of him. Whenever I would ask she would try to pass it off and tell me he was….” No. It can’t be. His smile widened even further. “the Devil?” Edit: Just wanted to add any feedback is much welcomed since this was my first input to Writing Prompts	Satan: Perhaps there is redemption even for me. The Deceased: Am I the only one here? Satan: NO! WE are here! The Deceased: Meaning...? Satan: This is no longer Hell. For to be in Hell is to be completely and utterly alone. The Deceased: Well, hello then!
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	The red mist descends before your eyes as you hear the slow sarcastic clap. "Well. Fucking. Done. You know, I'm really only here as a warning, we never actually expected anyone to end up here. There really is nothing good about you, is there?" Satan melts toward you and wraps his body around yours, with his face looming above you. "So..." he hisses with a smirk, "What went wrong?" Confused, you desperately wrack your brain to think of an answer. Were you really so terrible? You never killed anyone. You were never even rude to anyone as far as you remember, you pretty much barely even existed, resigning yourself to playing games all day. "Uh..." you begin, "I... think there must have been a mistake. I know I can't be the worst person who ever lived. I barely even lived. My life never affected anyone else's-" "-BINGO" Satan snaps his fingers in your face. "You got it, my friend. You never even tried to do anything for anyone, did you?" He unwraps himself from around you and retreats to a chair engulfed in shadow nearby. "You sat and helped yourself, gorged on your video games and take-away food, avoiding people at all costs." Satan stares at you for a moment as if he's looking into your very soul. "And..." he continues... "You never loved anyone. You wasted the most precious human gift, threw it away because you were too frightened of rejection. It's truly pathetic." You think for a moment you must be in some crazy dream. Sure, you didn't do much to help anyone in your life, but you certainly didn't hurt anyone and couldn't be the worst person in the world. You muster up some confidence and ask Satan, "So tell me exactly how I am a worse person than Mussolini? Hitler? Pol Pot? The amount of people who have caused countless suffering and death on those around them... I can't even begin to think. And none of them ended up here, yet I did?" Satan rolls his eyes and let's out another long drawn out hiss. "These men were misguided, but in their own minds they were doing absolute good. They thought they struggled to save humanity, save their people, or create a better world. Each person is created with a vision, even you. That vision can get twisted along the way, but everyone follows it. Everyone, except for you. You sat idly by, deep down knowing you were wasting yourself. You didn't even attempt to change, and that is how you ended up here." A chill rushes down your spine and you begin to feel sick. As if something more real than you had ever felt before had just hit you like a truck going 200mph. You fall to your knees and realise what had become of you... You remember all the times you sat and thought, "I should probably do something today" only to sit down and watch TV and eat food. With each passing moment you feel pins and needles sticking in you all over, sharp pins... suddenly it feels like someone really is shoving scalding hot pins into your body. This really is hell... this... really... You see a sliver of light appear before you and hear the faint sound of a child's voice. You open your eyes and realise you're in a warm bed, and a child is beside you. Your child. Your little girl. She's poking you in the arm with a cocktail stick trying to wake you up because it's her birthday. You breathe a sigh of relief and hug your little girl harder than you ever have done before. You sit there and feel glad of the fact that all those years ago you finally found the drive to change yourself, and realised that nobody was going to do it for you. That day, you feel invincible. Go easy on me, have never written anything before and didn't have much time. I realise the formatting and probably some grammar won't be the best. Just wanted to contribute to one of these for a change. Edit: Wow thanks for the amazing feedback everyone, it's definitely convinced me to try writing some more in the future! Edit 2: Some corrections, thanks to 105milesite for noticing them for me!	Satan: Perhaps there is redemption even for me. The Deceased: Am I the only one here? Satan: NO! WE are here! The Deceased: Meaning...? Satan: This is no longer Hell. For to be in Hell is to be completely and utterly alone. The Deceased: Well, hello then!
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	A bone-jarring impact jolts me awake, followed by a few seconds of searing pain. I try to sit up, but the searing pain keeps me on by back. After a moment, the pain begins to subside and I'm able to sit up and take stock of my situation. When I look down at myself I nearly pass out. What once was a mostly healthy, slightly overweight body is now a mangled purple husk... "What.... happened?" I say to myself... After a few moments my memory returns... Fuck. Why'd I have to go base jumping from the Petronas Towers while on vacation in Malaysia? It's clear that the impact I heard was ME hitting the ground. Where am I anyway? This clearly isn't Kuala Lumpur. I struggle to my feet, amazed that my wrecked form can handle that much. Looking around I see nothing but a small room that seems to be carved from bedrock. There is no furnishings of any sort. A faint light glows from the ceiling above, but I can't see any actual source. I spot a door on one wall. Despite an inexplicable feeling of dread, I am compelled toward the door. I open it and step into a hallway. The walls are transparent, and through them lies everyone's worst nightmare. Fire and brimstone. Lava flowing down into pits. It dawns on me... I'm in HELL. From the other end of the short hallway, a man steps through the door. He's dressed in ragged black robes that seem to be worn over the top of even more ragged red robes. His beard is black, with a stripe of white running down the middle. The most alarming feature are two rams horns spiraling around each side of his head.... He's... clapping? "Who are you!?" I demand with alarm. "Who am I?" he says, "There are some who call me... Tim. But you? You can call me Satan. Or just Stan if you wish. Welcome to hell!" I snort in amusement. "Really? A Monty Python joke? Do you greet people like this all the time?" "Uh... well... you could say that. You're the first one to arrive." he admits. "What? With all the murderers and rapists on earth, I am the first one to go to hell? How the fuck does THAT work!? I've never killed anybody, harmed anyone, or stolen anything." I shout Stan sighs as if defeated. "Do you honestly think God would condemn his children to eternal pain and torture? The only way I'm ALLOWED any souls is through making deals... and after the humiliation of losing a fiddle contest to some snot-nosed kid I haven't really cared to try. My last effort was an attempt at a cyber-contract. All they had to do was pay for a piece of software and I'd own their soul." The sense of dread gets deeper... I know why I'm here. I know what doomed me to hell. "Fuck... You mean I'm the only one that paid for WinRar?" Stan grins at me and says "Like I said. Welcome to Hell." ----------------------------------------------------------------- Interested in feedback. This is probably the second time I've ever written in Writing Prompts... I don't know why I haven't done it more. I always have a blast making this stuff up. Edit: Holy cow! I didn't really expect this to explode like this. Thanks for the Updoots and all the kind comments! :) I think I'll have to do more of these! Edit 2: This post has more than doubled my total comment karma..... I'm kinda flabbergasted... Thank you all again! Edit 3: Wow... Gold... Thank you kind stranger!!	Satan: Perhaps there is redemption even for me. The Deceased: Am I the only one here? Satan: NO! WE are here! The Deceased: Meaning...? Satan: This is no longer Hell. For to be in Hell is to be completely and utterly alone. The Deceased: Well, hello then!
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	The clapping rang out around the rocky red walls as the Devil sat on his throne looking down at Clyde. "Congratulations, Clyde, and welcome to hell." Clyde took a moment to look around, doing his best to take in the strange surroundings. Peering up at the Devil, he nodded his head. "Hello," said Clyde. The Devil held his hand out and a large book burst in to existence, "You're very special, Clyde. Very special, indeed." He took the book and peeled open the cover. "You're the first person to enter my domain, Clyde. This intrigues me like nothing before." Clyde stood idly, oddly unimpressed by what was transpiring in front of him. "This book, aptly named 'The Crimes of Clyde' contains every sin you committed and, oh my, it's quite thick. Your first punishment will be sitting through the reading of all your misdemeanors. May we remind you of your infidelity." Clyde continued to stand unaffected. The Devil began to rattle off the list contained within The Crimes of Clyde. "And I begin: * Thinking it's funny to shout out fake spoilers for films/TV shows people are about to watch. * Posting Minion memes on Facebook. * Singing along to every song on the radio while at work. * Not resetting the time on the microwave after using it. * Taking your phone out and sitting it on the table while eating with friends. * Biting the fork when eating food. * Thinking it's funny to touch people who have asked not to be touched. * Texting during a movie then being upset when called out on it. * Listening to music from your phone speaker on public transport. * Saying the words 'quick question'. * Stopping in the middle of streets when people are walking behind you. * Whistling. * Calling people out on technicalities when debating because you're incapable of admitting you're wrong. * Vaguebooking. * Wearing socks with Crocs. * Taking pictures of your food. * Forcing people to watch YouTube videos on your phone when they clearly don't want to. * Saying memes in real life. * Using the word 'literally' when it doesn't apply. * Becoming unjustly upset when your housemate asked you to clean up after yourself. Clyde interrupted, "Is this going to take much longer?" "You're clearly a cunt Clyde. This is going to take forever." **** I write shitty, silly stories on /r/BillMurrayMovies. Feel free to come along, not laugh at any of them and leave some judgement.	Satan: Perhaps there is redemption even for me. The Deceased: Am I the only one here? Satan: NO! WE are here! The Deceased: Meaning...? Satan: This is no longer Hell. For to be in Hell is to be completely and utterly alone. The Deceased: Well, hello then!
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	The strangest thing about the afterlife is that it was empty. I let my eyes adjust to... Well, being dead I suppose. Tall rock caverns, lakes of fire? Oh, very Milton. This had to be hell. But, no one was here? Wasn't hell supposed to be other people? I clambered over some loose rocks and just kept going. Pretty similar landscapes. Rocks. Fire. Darkness. The corridor I was following hit a fork. To one side there was a light. Well obviously I had to follow the light at the end of the tunnel. Yes that's how it goes. Got to get myself out of this... Hell hole. It got brighter and brighter and warmer and warmer. But I didn't mind much. Dead perks! Can't feel anything. The light was a room. Huge throne in the middle. Very tacky. Bones, suffering, screaming faces. The works. Looked like someone trying to be edgy. "Uh. Hello?" Satan, and it had to be Satan, he looked the part, turned around. "Hello! " He spoke in a voice that sounded coated with dust. To my utter surprise, he started manically applauding. Tears in his eyes. "I haven't seen anyone for hundred of years. At least I think it's been hundreds of years. Oh thank God. Someone qualified." He was almost sobbing. "Yeah... Where is everyone?" "Oh, I only know what the last one told me. In the beginning it was really hard to get into the pearly gates. Really serious selection criteria, only the best of the best. And actually pretty hard to get into this place you know, priests could basically just sell you forgiveness. So everyone ended up in purgatory. Cluttering it up." I noticed that he started, well, fading a little. But I was too polite to say anything. Not to the first being I'd seen. "Anyhow the big boss man decided to relax the rules a little. Stop purgatory from being crowded. Sent his kid down to tell everyone. It didn't go so well apparently. Anyhow more people got in. But because of the rules mix up everything was a mess. So due to clerical errors they just went, bugger it, and let everyone through." I could see the wall through him now. How odd. I wondered if he faded in and out periodically. "But you see, someone had to be left down here to take care of it. Someone had to qualify. And now you've qualified." He was fading quicker and quicker. "Thank you so much. For relieving me of my post. " It finally hit me "No! Please! Don't leave! What did I do? What did I do?" "I can't control it. But you see, you did the worst thing possible. " "What?!" This sentence was the last thing left of him. "You aimed to reach higher than humanity. I, Faustus, should have stayed with physics. You tried to become a God." "You mean every so often a scientist qualifies to become Satan?" But he was gone. And now I am alone, only, not quite. The walls are filled with enough knowledge to make humans Gods. If only they knew.	The great demon rises from his golden throne and begins to clap; his leather-like hands produce a sound like mocking thunder. The cavern shakes as the noise echoes off the walls. His blood-red lips curl into a terrible smile. "Is this... Hell?" I ask, hoping for something, but knowing another. He stops clapping, allowing his arms to fall beside him, but his grin grows wider. Jagged teeth protrude from his slightly open mouth. The cavern is cold and empty, and a terrible silence lingers in it that is only punctuated by the occasional dripping of water onto stone. "Why are we alone?" I ask. "Hell is a lonely place," he answers. "A little less lonely now, perhaps." "I am the only one?" He nods. "Yes." "That can't be!" He smile becomes gentle, faux-sympathetic. "What did I do, to deserve this?" I ask, hot tears streaming down my face. "I lived my life by the scripture! I was a good person, I believe." "Yes, you were a good person." he says. "You were faithful to your wife. You gave all you could spare to charity. In every way you believed was important, you were a good man." "That's right," I join in, hoping he might realise there's been a mistake. "I never drank or did drugs. I never lied or tricked or... or took advantage of another living soul." "You were perfect," he laughs in agreement. "Then...why am I here? Why just me?" "Robert," he begins, "you are the first being to have truly wasted the gift of life." My heart sinks. "Wasted?" I whisper. He nods. "Life is precious. You lived your life following the hollow words of other men - wasting life, in how you lived it. That is the only true sin. You are the first. I expect you shall be the last, too." "No...please," I beg, gasping for breath that doesn't come. "Now we are ready," he says, his grin returning. He wraps a hulking arm around my shoulders. His flesh is like a furnace and it burns through my clothes, singing the skin beneath - branding me, in the Devil's stain. "I have been waiting a long time for a playmate," he whispers in my ear.
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	The land is desolate and barren for as far as I can see, devoid of all life except for the solitary red figure before me, his claps resonating across the entire empty plane. He grins widely, brandishing row of sharpened white teeth. "Now what manner of bastard must you've been to end up here?" I shrug dejectedly, my eyes tracing the entirety of the man. He is no taller than I am, with sharp black hair and a pointed beard. His smile is charming, although gives me the fearful impression of a crocodile; the sort of smile you give your dinner before eating it. I don't like the idea of being prey. "Oh, come now," he continues, his tone equal parts mellifluous and commanding. "Surely you must've done something." "I can't say," I mutter, backing up defensively. "Can't say? Don't tell me that, darling. We're going to be here an awful long time in silence if you don't part that mouth of yours." "I choose to be here," I concede, feeling myself shiver as I chance a look at his eyes - two orbs of onyx, conveying nothing but malice as they pierce my gaze and soul, leaving me quivering in the recess. Entirely at his mercy. "Chose?" He repeats, rolling the word around his tongue. He quirks a brow, chortling softly. "Now who in their right mind would choose, willingly, to be in Hell?" "Me," I whisper, my voice no louder than a passing wind. "You," he repeats, stepping forward. "Are you mocking me?" "No, Lucifer, I am no-" He freezes suddenly, all pretence of amicability dropping abruptly as his black eyes begin to flare, an entire inferno erupted around his body. Satan in all his hellish terror steps forth, his hand reaching for my neck. I quickly pull away, retreating back. "How dare you use my name? How are you even privy to such knowledge, mortal?" "G-God told me..." "God? God?!" His wings unfurl from his back, unveiling more of his demonic form as a black tongue snaked out from between his lips. "It was his request for me to come," I splutter, trying to at least attempt to defuse the situation. "You remember the story of Job?" The Devil himself faltered, "Yes, that devout man who God challenged me to corrupt. He remained steadfast in his fate no matter what I took - it was sordid to witness one with such will succumb to being little more than a zealot." "Yes, the man of legend himself. Well, now God has tried something else - a deal amongst his angels, as opposed to with you. To see if any amongst their ranks can come to you and convince you to return home, as you tried to convince Job into debauchery." "You intend to convince me, The Devourer, the Tyrant, Lord of Flies and abominations, to return home? To the bastardisation that is your so-called 'Heaven'? I'd rather die." "I'm just the messenger! Please take it up with the man himself if you have a problem. The angels shall be arriving soon." The Devil chews his lip, his vision tearing from me and instead looking to the red, swirling mass above us. The Sky separating Hell from Heaven, the colour of freshly spilled blood. He licks his lips, "There'll be blood if they come for me, that I can assure you of." "I don't doubt it." ---- /r/coffeeandwriting for more! Edit: Part 2 is up here! [Part 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/CoffeeAndWriting/comments/6itabv/writing_prompt_response_you_die_and_go_to_hell/)	The great demon rises from his golden throne and begins to clap; his leather-like hands produce a sound like mocking thunder. The cavern shakes as the noise echoes off the walls. His blood-red lips curl into a terrible smile. "Is this... Hell?" I ask, hoping for something, but knowing another. He stops clapping, allowing his arms to fall beside him, but his grin grows wider. Jagged teeth protrude from his slightly open mouth. The cavern is cold and empty, and a terrible silence lingers in it that is only punctuated by the occasional dripping of water onto stone. "Why are we alone?" I ask. "Hell is a lonely place," he answers. "A little less lonely now, perhaps." "I am the only one?" He nods. "Yes." "That can't be!" He smile becomes gentle, faux-sympathetic. "What did I do, to deserve this?" I ask, hot tears streaming down my face. "I lived my life by the scripture! I was a good person, I believe." "Yes, you were a good person." he says. "You were faithful to your wife. You gave all you could spare to charity. In every way you believed was important, you were a good man." "That's right," I join in, hoping he might realise there's been a mistake. "I never drank or did drugs. I never lied or tricked or... or took advantage of another living soul." "You were perfect," he laughs in agreement. "Then...why am I here? Why just me?" "Robert," he begins, "you are the first being to have truly wasted the gift of life." My heart sinks. "Wasted?" I whisper. He nods. "Life is precious. You lived your life following the hollow words of other men - wasting life, in how you lived it. That is the only true sin. You are the first. I expect you shall be the last, too." "No...please," I beg, gasping for breath that doesn't come. "Now we are ready," he says, his grin returning. He wraps a hulking arm around my shoulders. His flesh is like a furnace and it burns through my clothes, singing the skin beneath - branding me, in the Devil's stain. "I have been waiting a long time for a playmate," he whispers in my ear.
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	A bang, a flash. Yes, I remember that clearly in mind. Surprisingly there was no pain. I suppose my body was already numb from the shock of coming home to find this man, no boy, in my house. It’s all really just a blur. I had only just spotted him when I opened the door. He was halfway down the stairs with my wife’s jewellery box in one hand and the gun in the other pointing directly at me. The shot followed quickly after. I didn’t even get a chance to tell him I didn’t care, that he could take it or even that I could help him. With the support of the church we had helped many people in the community just like him. The shot had sent me hard to the ground, banging my head off the wall on the way down. My instincts took over and I just grabbed Rose. Attempting to put myself between her and my attacker. He didn’t even look at us as he stepped over me and strode out the door. I clenched my hand full of Rose’s dress and pulled her close. Blood was now everywhere, my shirt, the carpet and her dress. She had only got it last week for her birthday. The massive grin glowed from her all day. There was no sign of it now. My poor innocent girl, eyes wide just stared at me. A stream of tears flowed down her cheeks. “I love you Rose. You and your mother are the greatest things to ever happen to me. Don’t lose faith. I will be with god soon.” Ha, god. Where was he now? I stood now in an extravagate hall. Six marble columns etched with carvings of runes and symbols flanked both my sides. A large fire was blazing in the western walls fire pit; however I don’t suspect that what was cause of the humid heat that pressured my skin from every angle. And there he was, sat on the throne just staring at me with those deep, dark red eyes. “Well, after all these years” his voice boomed out, echoing of the cold stone walls. “You are the first human”, he really emphasised the word human “to ever step into my….” “What?! The first human?” I interrupted. The rage flooded over me like nothing I had ever felt before. I unclenched my right hand and pointed straight at him. “I know who you are, Satan. But how can I be the first human to ever be sent to hell. Me a worshipper of god, who had helped so many people on to the path god had carved out for us, who had been the man in the house since his father abandoned before he was born, who was a loving husband and caring father. HOW CAN I BE THE FIRST!” I had never felt such anger. I could feel my eyes peeled wide open but my vision had now narrowed with one thing in focus, him. The heat that had made breathing hard was now gone. His mouth widened into a massive grin baring his white, razor teeth at me. “Ah, yes. You have lived your whole life of righteousness and kindness. Been a loving husband and father you always wanted. Your mother, what did she ever tell you of your father?” I stumbled on the question. Why would he care about him? He who should be here, not me. “She never spoke of him. Whenever I would ask she would try to pass it off and tell me he was….” No. It can’t be. His smile widened even further. “the Devil?” Edit: Just wanted to add any feedback is much welcomed since this was my first input to Writing Prompts	The great demon rises from his golden throne and begins to clap; his leather-like hands produce a sound like mocking thunder. The cavern shakes as the noise echoes off the walls. His blood-red lips curl into a terrible smile. "Is this... Hell?" I ask, hoping for something, but knowing another. He stops clapping, allowing his arms to fall beside him, but his grin grows wider. Jagged teeth protrude from his slightly open mouth. The cavern is cold and empty, and a terrible silence lingers in it that is only punctuated by the occasional dripping of water onto stone. "Why are we alone?" I ask. "Hell is a lonely place," he answers. "A little less lonely now, perhaps." "I am the only one?" He nods. "Yes." "That can't be!" He smile becomes gentle, faux-sympathetic. "What did I do, to deserve this?" I ask, hot tears streaming down my face. "I lived my life by the scripture! I was a good person, I believe." "Yes, you were a good person." he says. "You were faithful to your wife. You gave all you could spare to charity. In every way you believed was important, you were a good man." "That's right," I join in, hoping he might realise there's been a mistake. "I never drank or did drugs. I never lied or tricked or... or took advantage of another living soul." "You were perfect," he laughs in agreement. "Then...why am I here? Why just me?" "Robert," he begins, "you are the first being to have truly wasted the gift of life." My heart sinks. "Wasted?" I whisper. He nods. "Life is precious. You lived your life following the hollow words of other men - wasting life, in how you lived it. That is the only true sin. You are the first. I expect you shall be the last, too." "No...please," I beg, gasping for breath that doesn't come. "Now we are ready," he says, his grin returning. He wraps a hulking arm around my shoulders. His flesh is like a furnace and it burns through my clothes, singing the skin beneath - branding me, in the Devil's stain. "I have been waiting a long time for a playmate," he whispers in my ear.
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	A bone-jarring impact jolts me awake, followed by a few seconds of searing pain. I try to sit up, but the searing pain keeps me on by back. After a moment, the pain begins to subside and I'm able to sit up and take stock of my situation. When I look down at myself I nearly pass out. What once was a mostly healthy, slightly overweight body is now a mangled purple husk... "What.... happened?" I say to myself... After a few moments my memory returns... Fuck. Why'd I have to go base jumping from the Petronas Towers while on vacation in Malaysia? It's clear that the impact I heard was ME hitting the ground. Where am I anyway? This clearly isn't Kuala Lumpur. I struggle to my feet, amazed that my wrecked form can handle that much. Looking around I see nothing but a small room that seems to be carved from bedrock. There is no furnishings of any sort. A faint light glows from the ceiling above, but I can't see any actual source. I spot a door on one wall. Despite an inexplicable feeling of dread, I am compelled toward the door. I open it and step into a hallway. The walls are transparent, and through them lies everyone's worst nightmare. Fire and brimstone. Lava flowing down into pits. It dawns on me... I'm in HELL. From the other end of the short hallway, a man steps through the door. He's dressed in ragged black robes that seem to be worn over the top of even more ragged red robes. His beard is black, with a stripe of white running down the middle. The most alarming feature are two rams horns spiraling around each side of his head.... He's... clapping? "Who are you!?" I demand with alarm. "Who am I?" he says, "There are some who call me... Tim. But you? You can call me Satan. Or just Stan if you wish. Welcome to hell!" I snort in amusement. "Really? A Monty Python joke? Do you greet people like this all the time?" "Uh... well... you could say that. You're the first one to arrive." he admits. "What? With all the murderers and rapists on earth, I am the first one to go to hell? How the fuck does THAT work!? I've never killed anybody, harmed anyone, or stolen anything." I shout Stan sighs as if defeated. "Do you honestly think God would condemn his children to eternal pain and torture? The only way I'm ALLOWED any souls is through making deals... and after the humiliation of losing a fiddle contest to some snot-nosed kid I haven't really cared to try. My last effort was an attempt at a cyber-contract. All they had to do was pay for a piece of software and I'd own their soul." The sense of dread gets deeper... I know why I'm here. I know what doomed me to hell. "Fuck... You mean I'm the only one that paid for WinRar?" Stan grins at me and says "Like I said. Welcome to Hell." ----------------------------------------------------------------- Interested in feedback. This is probably the second time I've ever written in Writing Prompts... I don't know why I haven't done it more. I always have a blast making this stuff up. Edit: Holy cow! I didn't really expect this to explode like this. Thanks for the Updoots and all the kind comments! :) I think I'll have to do more of these! Edit 2: This post has more than doubled my total comment karma..... I'm kinda flabbergasted... Thank you all again! Edit 3: Wow... Gold... Thank you kind stranger!!	The great demon rises from his golden throne and begins to clap; his leather-like hands produce a sound like mocking thunder. The cavern shakes as the noise echoes off the walls. His blood-red lips curl into a terrible smile. "Is this... Hell?" I ask, hoping for something, but knowing another. He stops clapping, allowing his arms to fall beside him, but his grin grows wider. Jagged teeth protrude from his slightly open mouth. The cavern is cold and empty, and a terrible silence lingers in it that is only punctuated by the occasional dripping of water onto stone. "Why are we alone?" I ask. "Hell is a lonely place," he answers. "A little less lonely now, perhaps." "I am the only one?" He nods. "Yes." "That can't be!" He smile becomes gentle, faux-sympathetic. "What did I do, to deserve this?" I ask, hot tears streaming down my face. "I lived my life by the scripture! I was a good person, I believe." "Yes, you were a good person." he says. "You were faithful to your wife. You gave all you could spare to charity. In every way you believed was important, you were a good man." "That's right," I join in, hoping he might realise there's been a mistake. "I never drank or did drugs. I never lied or tricked or... or took advantage of another living soul." "You were perfect," he laughs in agreement. "Then...why am I here? Why just me?" "Robert," he begins, "you are the first being to have truly wasted the gift of life." My heart sinks. "Wasted?" I whisper. He nods. "Life is precious. You lived your life following the hollow words of other men - wasting life, in how you lived it. That is the only true sin. You are the first. I expect you shall be the last, too." "No...please," I beg, gasping for breath that doesn't come. "Now we are ready," he says, his grin returning. He wraps a hulking arm around my shoulders. His flesh is like a furnace and it burns through my clothes, singing the skin beneath - branding me, in the Devil's stain. "I have been waiting a long time for a playmate," he whispers in my ear.
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	The clapping rang out around the rocky red walls as the Devil sat on his throne looking down at Clyde. "Congratulations, Clyde, and welcome to hell." Clyde took a moment to look around, doing his best to take in the strange surroundings. Peering up at the Devil, he nodded his head. "Hello," said Clyde. The Devil held his hand out and a large book burst in to existence, "You're very special, Clyde. Very special, indeed." He took the book and peeled open the cover. "You're the first person to enter my domain, Clyde. This intrigues me like nothing before." Clyde stood idly, oddly unimpressed by what was transpiring in front of him. "This book, aptly named 'The Crimes of Clyde' contains every sin you committed and, oh my, it's quite thick. Your first punishment will be sitting through the reading of all your misdemeanors. May we remind you of your infidelity." Clyde continued to stand unaffected. The Devil began to rattle off the list contained within The Crimes of Clyde. "And I begin: * Thinking it's funny to shout out fake spoilers for films/TV shows people are about to watch. * Posting Minion memes on Facebook. * Singing along to every song on the radio while at work. * Not resetting the time on the microwave after using it. * Taking your phone out and sitting it on the table while eating with friends. * Biting the fork when eating food. * Thinking it's funny to touch people who have asked not to be touched. * Texting during a movie then being upset when called out on it. * Listening to music from your phone speaker on public transport. * Saying the words 'quick question'. * Stopping in the middle of streets when people are walking behind you. * Whistling. * Calling people out on technicalities when debating because you're incapable of admitting you're wrong. * Vaguebooking. * Wearing socks with Crocs. * Taking pictures of your food. * Forcing people to watch YouTube videos on your phone when they clearly don't want to. * Saying memes in real life. * Using the word 'literally' when it doesn't apply. * Becoming unjustly upset when your housemate asked you to clean up after yourself. Clyde interrupted, "Is this going to take much longer?" "You're clearly a cunt Clyde. This is going to take forever." **** I write shitty, silly stories on /r/BillMurrayMovies. Feel free to come along, not laugh at any of them and leave some judgement.	The great demon rises from his golden throne and begins to clap; his leather-like hands produce a sound like mocking thunder. The cavern shakes as the noise echoes off the walls. His blood-red lips curl into a terrible smile. "Is this... Hell?" I ask, hoping for something, but knowing another. He stops clapping, allowing his arms to fall beside him, but his grin grows wider. Jagged teeth protrude from his slightly open mouth. The cavern is cold and empty, and a terrible silence lingers in it that is only punctuated by the occasional dripping of water onto stone. "Why are we alone?" I ask. "Hell is a lonely place," he answers. "A little less lonely now, perhaps." "I am the only one?" He nods. "Yes." "That can't be!" He smile becomes gentle, faux-sympathetic. "What did I do, to deserve this?" I ask, hot tears streaming down my face. "I lived my life by the scripture! I was a good person, I believe." "Yes, you were a good person." he says. "You were faithful to your wife. You gave all you could spare to charity. In every way you believed was important, you were a good man." "That's right," I join in, hoping he might realise there's been a mistake. "I never drank or did drugs. I never lied or tricked or... or took advantage of another living soul." "You were perfect," he laughs in agreement. "Then...why am I here? Why just me?" "Robert," he begins, "you are the first being to have truly wasted the gift of life." My heart sinks. "Wasted?" I whisper. He nods. "Life is precious. You lived your life following the hollow words of other men - wasting life, in how you lived it. That is the only true sin. You are the first. I expect you shall be the last, too." "No...please," I beg, gasping for breath that doesn't come. "Now we are ready," he says, his grin returning. He wraps a hulking arm around my shoulders. His flesh is like a furnace and it burns through my clothes, singing the skin beneath - branding me, in the Devil's stain. "I have been waiting a long time for a playmate," he whispers in my ear.
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	A bang, a flash. Yes, I remember that clearly in mind. Surprisingly there was no pain. I suppose my body was already numb from the shock of coming home to find this man, no boy, in my house. It’s all really just a blur. I had only just spotted him when I opened the door. He was halfway down the stairs with my wife’s jewellery box in one hand and the gun in the other pointing directly at me. The shot followed quickly after. I didn’t even get a chance to tell him I didn’t care, that he could take it or even that I could help him. With the support of the church we had helped many people in the community just like him. The shot had sent me hard to the ground, banging my head off the wall on the way down. My instincts took over and I just grabbed Rose. Attempting to put myself between her and my attacker. He didn’t even look at us as he stepped over me and strode out the door. I clenched my hand full of Rose’s dress and pulled her close. Blood was now everywhere, my shirt, the carpet and her dress. She had only got it last week for her birthday. The massive grin glowed from her all day. There was no sign of it now. My poor innocent girl, eyes wide just stared at me. A stream of tears flowed down her cheeks. “I love you Rose. You and your mother are the greatest things to ever happen to me. Don’t lose faith. I will be with god soon.” Ha, god. Where was he now? I stood now in an extravagate hall. Six marble columns etched with carvings of runes and symbols flanked both my sides. A large fire was blazing in the western walls fire pit; however I don’t suspect that what was cause of the humid heat that pressured my skin from every angle. And there he was, sat on the throne just staring at me with those deep, dark red eyes. “Well, after all these years” his voice boomed out, echoing of the cold stone walls. “You are the first human”, he really emphasised the word human “to ever step into my….” “What?! The first human?” I interrupted. The rage flooded over me like nothing I had ever felt before. I unclenched my right hand and pointed straight at him. “I know who you are, Satan. But how can I be the first human to ever be sent to hell. Me a worshipper of god, who had helped so many people on to the path god had carved out for us, who had been the man in the house since his father abandoned before he was born, who was a loving husband and caring father. HOW CAN I BE THE FIRST!” I had never felt such anger. I could feel my eyes peeled wide open but my vision had now narrowed with one thing in focus, him. The heat that had made breathing hard was now gone. His mouth widened into a massive grin baring his white, razor teeth at me. “Ah, yes. You have lived your whole life of righteousness and kindness. Been a loving husband and father you always wanted. Your mother, what did she ever tell you of your father?” I stumbled on the question. Why would he care about him? He who should be here, not me. “She never spoke of him. Whenever I would ask she would try to pass it off and tell me he was….” No. It can’t be. His smile widened even further. “the Devil?” Edit: Just wanted to add any feedback is much welcomed since this was my first input to Writing Prompts	The strangest thing about the afterlife is that it was empty. I let my eyes adjust to... Well, being dead I suppose. Tall rock caverns, lakes of fire? Oh, very Milton. This had to be hell. But, no one was here? Wasn't hell supposed to be other people? I clambered over some loose rocks and just kept going. Pretty similar landscapes. Rocks. Fire. Darkness. The corridor I was following hit a fork. To one side there was a light. Well obviously I had to follow the light at the end of the tunnel. Yes that's how it goes. Got to get myself out of this... Hell hole. It got brighter and brighter and warmer and warmer. But I didn't mind much. Dead perks! Can't feel anything. The light was a room. Huge throne in the middle. Very tacky. Bones, suffering, screaming faces. The works. Looked like someone trying to be edgy. "Uh. Hello?" Satan, and it had to be Satan, he looked the part, turned around. "Hello! " He spoke in a voice that sounded coated with dust. To my utter surprise, he started manically applauding. Tears in his eyes. "I haven't seen anyone for hundred of years. At least I think it's been hundreds of years. Oh thank God. Someone qualified." He was almost sobbing. "Yeah... Where is everyone?" "Oh, I only know what the last one told me. In the beginning it was really hard to get into the pearly gates. Really serious selection criteria, only the best of the best. And actually pretty hard to get into this place you know, priests could basically just sell you forgiveness. So everyone ended up in purgatory. Cluttering it up." I noticed that he started, well, fading a little. But I was too polite to say anything. Not to the first being I'd seen. "Anyhow the big boss man decided to relax the rules a little. Stop purgatory from being crowded. Sent his kid down to tell everyone. It didn't go so well apparently. Anyhow more people got in. But because of the rules mix up everything was a mess. So due to clerical errors they just went, bugger it, and let everyone through." I could see the wall through him now. How odd. I wondered if he faded in and out periodically. "But you see, someone had to be left down here to take care of it. Someone had to qualify. And now you've qualified." He was fading quicker and quicker. "Thank you so much. For relieving me of my post. " It finally hit me "No! Please! Don't leave! What did I do? What did I do?" "I can't control it. But you see, you did the worst thing possible. " "What?!" This sentence was the last thing left of him. "You aimed to reach higher than humanity. I, Faustus, should have stayed with physics. You tried to become a God." "You mean every so often a scientist qualifies to become Satan?" But he was gone. And now I am alone, only, not quite. The walls are filled with enough knowledge to make humans Gods. If only they knew.
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	A bone-jarring impact jolts me awake, followed by a few seconds of searing pain. I try to sit up, but the searing pain keeps me on by back. After a moment, the pain begins to subside and I'm able to sit up and take stock of my situation. When I look down at myself I nearly pass out. What once was a mostly healthy, slightly overweight body is now a mangled purple husk... "What.... happened?" I say to myself... After a few moments my memory returns... Fuck. Why'd I have to go base jumping from the Petronas Towers while on vacation in Malaysia? It's clear that the impact I heard was ME hitting the ground. Where am I anyway? This clearly isn't Kuala Lumpur. I struggle to my feet, amazed that my wrecked form can handle that much. Looking around I see nothing but a small room that seems to be carved from bedrock. There is no furnishings of any sort. A faint light glows from the ceiling above, but I can't see any actual source. I spot a door on one wall. Despite an inexplicable feeling of dread, I am compelled toward the door. I open it and step into a hallway. The walls are transparent, and through them lies everyone's worst nightmare. Fire and brimstone. Lava flowing down into pits. It dawns on me... I'm in HELL. From the other end of the short hallway, a man steps through the door. He's dressed in ragged black robes that seem to be worn over the top of even more ragged red robes. His beard is black, with a stripe of white running down the middle. The most alarming feature are two rams horns spiraling around each side of his head.... He's... clapping? "Who are you!?" I demand with alarm. "Who am I?" he says, "There are some who call me... Tim. But you? You can call me Satan. Or just Stan if you wish. Welcome to hell!" I snort in amusement. "Really? A Monty Python joke? Do you greet people like this all the time?" "Uh... well... you could say that. You're the first one to arrive." he admits. "What? With all the murderers and rapists on earth, I am the first one to go to hell? How the fuck does THAT work!? I've never killed anybody, harmed anyone, or stolen anything." I shout Stan sighs as if defeated. "Do you honestly think God would condemn his children to eternal pain and torture? The only way I'm ALLOWED any souls is through making deals... and after the humiliation of losing a fiddle contest to some snot-nosed kid I haven't really cared to try. My last effort was an attempt at a cyber-contract. All they had to do was pay for a piece of software and I'd own their soul." The sense of dread gets deeper... I know why I'm here. I know what doomed me to hell. "Fuck... You mean I'm the only one that paid for WinRar?" Stan grins at me and says "Like I said. Welcome to Hell." ----------------------------------------------------------------- Interested in feedback. This is probably the second time I've ever written in Writing Prompts... I don't know why I haven't done it more. I always have a blast making this stuff up. Edit: Holy cow! I didn't really expect this to explode like this. Thanks for the Updoots and all the kind comments! :) I think I'll have to do more of these! Edit 2: This post has more than doubled my total comment karma..... I'm kinda flabbergasted... Thank you all again! Edit 3: Wow... Gold... Thank you kind stranger!!	The strangest thing about the afterlife is that it was empty. I let my eyes adjust to... Well, being dead I suppose. Tall rock caverns, lakes of fire? Oh, very Milton. This had to be hell. But, no one was here? Wasn't hell supposed to be other people? I clambered over some loose rocks and just kept going. Pretty similar landscapes. Rocks. Fire. Darkness. The corridor I was following hit a fork. To one side there was a light. Well obviously I had to follow the light at the end of the tunnel. Yes that's how it goes. Got to get myself out of this... Hell hole. It got brighter and brighter and warmer and warmer. But I didn't mind much. Dead perks! Can't feel anything. The light was a room. Huge throne in the middle. Very tacky. Bones, suffering, screaming faces. The works. Looked like someone trying to be edgy. "Uh. Hello?" Satan, and it had to be Satan, he looked the part, turned around. "Hello! " He spoke in a voice that sounded coated with dust. To my utter surprise, he started manically applauding. Tears in his eyes. "I haven't seen anyone for hundred of years. At least I think it's been hundreds of years. Oh thank God. Someone qualified." He was almost sobbing. "Yeah... Where is everyone?" "Oh, I only know what the last one told me. In the beginning it was really hard to get into the pearly gates. Really serious selection criteria, only the best of the best. And actually pretty hard to get into this place you know, priests could basically just sell you forgiveness. So everyone ended up in purgatory. Cluttering it up." I noticed that he started, well, fading a little. But I was too polite to say anything. Not to the first being I'd seen. "Anyhow the big boss man decided to relax the rules a little. Stop purgatory from being crowded. Sent his kid down to tell everyone. It didn't go so well apparently. Anyhow more people got in. But because of the rules mix up everything was a mess. So due to clerical errors they just went, bugger it, and let everyone through." I could see the wall through him now. How odd. I wondered if he faded in and out periodically. "But you see, someone had to be left down here to take care of it. Someone had to qualify. And now you've qualified." He was fading quicker and quicker. "Thank you so much. For relieving me of my post. " It finally hit me "No! Please! Don't leave! What did I do? What did I do?" "I can't control it. But you see, you did the worst thing possible. " "What?!" This sentence was the last thing left of him. "You aimed to reach higher than humanity. I, Faustus, should have stayed with physics. You tried to become a God." "You mean every so often a scientist qualifies to become Satan?" But he was gone. And now I am alone, only, not quite. The walls are filled with enough knowledge to make humans Gods. If only they knew.
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	A bang, a flash. Yes, I remember that clearly in mind. Surprisingly there was no pain. I suppose my body was already numb from the shock of coming home to find this man, no boy, in my house. It’s all really just a blur. I had only just spotted him when I opened the door. He was halfway down the stairs with my wife’s jewellery box in one hand and the gun in the other pointing directly at me. The shot followed quickly after. I didn’t even get a chance to tell him I didn’t care, that he could take it or even that I could help him. With the support of the church we had helped many people in the community just like him. The shot had sent me hard to the ground, banging my head off the wall on the way down. My instincts took over and I just grabbed Rose. Attempting to put myself between her and my attacker. He didn’t even look at us as he stepped over me and strode out the door. I clenched my hand full of Rose’s dress and pulled her close. Blood was now everywhere, my shirt, the carpet and her dress. She had only got it last week for her birthday. The massive grin glowed from her all day. There was no sign of it now. My poor innocent girl, eyes wide just stared at me. A stream of tears flowed down her cheeks. “I love you Rose. You and your mother are the greatest things to ever happen to me. Don’t lose faith. I will be with god soon.” Ha, god. Where was he now? I stood now in an extravagate hall. Six marble columns etched with carvings of runes and symbols flanked both my sides. A large fire was blazing in the western walls fire pit; however I don’t suspect that what was cause of the humid heat that pressured my skin from every angle. And there he was, sat on the throne just staring at me with those deep, dark red eyes. “Well, after all these years” his voice boomed out, echoing of the cold stone walls. “You are the first human”, he really emphasised the word human “to ever step into my….” “What?! The first human?” I interrupted. The rage flooded over me like nothing I had ever felt before. I unclenched my right hand and pointed straight at him. “I know who you are, Satan. But how can I be the first human to ever be sent to hell. Me a worshipper of god, who had helped so many people on to the path god had carved out for us, who had been the man in the house since his father abandoned before he was born, who was a loving husband and caring father. HOW CAN I BE THE FIRST!” I had never felt such anger. I could feel my eyes peeled wide open but my vision had now narrowed with one thing in focus, him. The heat that had made breathing hard was now gone. His mouth widened into a massive grin baring his white, razor teeth at me. “Ah, yes. You have lived your whole life of righteousness and kindness. Been a loving husband and father you always wanted. Your mother, what did she ever tell you of your father?” I stumbled on the question. Why would he care about him? He who should be here, not me. “She never spoke of him. Whenever I would ask she would try to pass it off and tell me he was….” No. It can’t be. His smile widened even further. “the Devil?” Edit: Just wanted to add any feedback is much welcomed since this was my first input to Writing Prompts	The land is desolate and barren for as far as I can see, devoid of all life except for the solitary red figure before me, his claps resonating across the entire empty plane. He grins widely, brandishing row of sharpened white teeth. "Now what manner of bastard must you've been to end up here?" I shrug dejectedly, my eyes tracing the entirety of the man. He is no taller than I am, with sharp black hair and a pointed beard. His smile is charming, although gives me the fearful impression of a crocodile; the sort of smile you give your dinner before eating it. I don't like the idea of being prey. "Oh, come now," he continues, his tone equal parts mellifluous and commanding. "Surely you must've done something." "I can't say," I mutter, backing up defensively. "Can't say? Don't tell me that, darling. We're going to be here an awful long time in silence if you don't part that mouth of yours." "I choose to be here," I concede, feeling myself shiver as I chance a look at his eyes - two orbs of onyx, conveying nothing but malice as they pierce my gaze and soul, leaving me quivering in the recess. Entirely at his mercy. "Chose?" He repeats, rolling the word around his tongue. He quirks a brow, chortling softly. "Now who in their right mind would choose, willingly, to be in Hell?" "Me," I whisper, my voice no louder than a passing wind. "You," he repeats, stepping forward. "Are you mocking me?" "No, Lucifer, I am no-" He freezes suddenly, all pretence of amicability dropping abruptly as his black eyes begin to flare, an entire inferno erupted around his body. Satan in all his hellish terror steps forth, his hand reaching for my neck. I quickly pull away, retreating back. "How dare you use my name? How are you even privy to such knowledge, mortal?" "G-God told me..." "God? God?!" His wings unfurl from his back, unveiling more of his demonic form as a black tongue snaked out from between his lips. "It was his request for me to come," I splutter, trying to at least attempt to defuse the situation. "You remember the story of Job?" The Devil himself faltered, "Yes, that devout man who God challenged me to corrupt. He remained steadfast in his fate no matter what I took - it was sordid to witness one with such will succumb to being little more than a zealot." "Yes, the man of legend himself. Well, now God has tried something else - a deal amongst his angels, as opposed to with you. To see if any amongst their ranks can come to you and convince you to return home, as you tried to convince Job into debauchery." "You intend to convince me, The Devourer, the Tyrant, Lord of Flies and abominations, to return home? To the bastardisation that is your so-called 'Heaven'? I'd rather die." "I'm just the messenger! Please take it up with the man himself if you have a problem. The angels shall be arriving soon." The Devil chews his lip, his vision tearing from me and instead looking to the red, swirling mass above us. The Sky separating Hell from Heaven, the colour of freshly spilled blood. He licks his lips, "There'll be blood if they come for me, that I can assure you of." "I don't doubt it." ---- /r/coffeeandwriting for more! Edit: Part 2 is up here! [Part 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/CoffeeAndWriting/comments/6itabv/writing_prompt_response_you_die_and_go_to_hell/)
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	A bone-jarring impact jolts me awake, followed by a few seconds of searing pain. I try to sit up, but the searing pain keeps me on by back. After a moment, the pain begins to subside and I'm able to sit up and take stock of my situation. When I look down at myself I nearly pass out. What once was a mostly healthy, slightly overweight body is now a mangled purple husk... "What.... happened?" I say to myself... After a few moments my memory returns... Fuck. Why'd I have to go base jumping from the Petronas Towers while on vacation in Malaysia? It's clear that the impact I heard was ME hitting the ground. Where am I anyway? This clearly isn't Kuala Lumpur. I struggle to my feet, amazed that my wrecked form can handle that much. Looking around I see nothing but a small room that seems to be carved from bedrock. There is no furnishings of any sort. A faint light glows from the ceiling above, but I can't see any actual source. I spot a door on one wall. Despite an inexplicable feeling of dread, I am compelled toward the door. I open it and step into a hallway. The walls are transparent, and through them lies everyone's worst nightmare. Fire and brimstone. Lava flowing down into pits. It dawns on me... I'm in HELL. From the other end of the short hallway, a man steps through the door. He's dressed in ragged black robes that seem to be worn over the top of even more ragged red robes. His beard is black, with a stripe of white running down the middle. The most alarming feature are two rams horns spiraling around each side of his head.... He's... clapping? "Who are you!?" I demand with alarm. "Who am I?" he says, "There are some who call me... Tim. But you? You can call me Satan. Or just Stan if you wish. Welcome to hell!" I snort in amusement. "Really? A Monty Python joke? Do you greet people like this all the time?" "Uh... well... you could say that. You're the first one to arrive." he admits. "What? With all the murderers and rapists on earth, I am the first one to go to hell? How the fuck does THAT work!? I've never killed anybody, harmed anyone, or stolen anything." I shout Stan sighs as if defeated. "Do you honestly think God would condemn his children to eternal pain and torture? The only way I'm ALLOWED any souls is through making deals... and after the humiliation of losing a fiddle contest to some snot-nosed kid I haven't really cared to try. My last effort was an attempt at a cyber-contract. All they had to do was pay for a piece of software and I'd own their soul." The sense of dread gets deeper... I know why I'm here. I know what doomed me to hell. "Fuck... You mean I'm the only one that paid for WinRar?" Stan grins at me and says "Like I said. Welcome to Hell." ----------------------------------------------------------------- Interested in feedback. This is probably the second time I've ever written in Writing Prompts... I don't know why I haven't done it more. I always have a blast making this stuff up. Edit: Holy cow! I didn't really expect this to explode like this. Thanks for the Updoots and all the kind comments! :) I think I'll have to do more of these! Edit 2: This post has more than doubled my total comment karma..... I'm kinda flabbergasted... Thank you all again! Edit 3: Wow... Gold... Thank you kind stranger!!	The land is desolate and barren for as far as I can see, devoid of all life except for the solitary red figure before me, his claps resonating across the entire empty plane. He grins widely, brandishing row of sharpened white teeth. "Now what manner of bastard must you've been to end up here?" I shrug dejectedly, my eyes tracing the entirety of the man. He is no taller than I am, with sharp black hair and a pointed beard. His smile is charming, although gives me the fearful impression of a crocodile; the sort of smile you give your dinner before eating it. I don't like the idea of being prey. "Oh, come now," he continues, his tone equal parts mellifluous and commanding. "Surely you must've done something." "I can't say," I mutter, backing up defensively. "Can't say? Don't tell me that, darling. We're going to be here an awful long time in silence if you don't part that mouth of yours." "I choose to be here," I concede, feeling myself shiver as I chance a look at his eyes - two orbs of onyx, conveying nothing but malice as they pierce my gaze and soul, leaving me quivering in the recess. Entirely at his mercy. "Chose?" He repeats, rolling the word around his tongue. He quirks a brow, chortling softly. "Now who in their right mind would choose, willingly, to be in Hell?" "Me," I whisper, my voice no louder than a passing wind. "You," he repeats, stepping forward. "Are you mocking me?" "No, Lucifer, I am no-" He freezes suddenly, all pretence of amicability dropping abruptly as his black eyes begin to flare, an entire inferno erupted around his body. Satan in all his hellish terror steps forth, his hand reaching for my neck. I quickly pull away, retreating back. "How dare you use my name? How are you even privy to such knowledge, mortal?" "G-God told me..." "God? God?!" His wings unfurl from his back, unveiling more of his demonic form as a black tongue snaked out from between his lips. "It was his request for me to come," I splutter, trying to at least attempt to defuse the situation. "You remember the story of Job?" The Devil himself faltered, "Yes, that devout man who God challenged me to corrupt. He remained steadfast in his fate no matter what I took - it was sordid to witness one with such will succumb to being little more than a zealot." "Yes, the man of legend himself. Well, now God has tried something else - a deal amongst his angels, as opposed to with you. To see if any amongst their ranks can come to you and convince you to return home, as you tried to convince Job into debauchery." "You intend to convince me, The Devourer, the Tyrant, Lord of Flies and abominations, to return home? To the bastardisation that is your so-called 'Heaven'? I'd rather die." "I'm just the messenger! Please take it up with the man himself if you have a problem. The angels shall be arriving soon." The Devil chews his lip, his vision tearing from me and instead looking to the red, swirling mass above us. The Sky separating Hell from Heaven, the colour of freshly spilled blood. He licks his lips, "There'll be blood if they come for me, that I can assure you of." "I don't doubt it." ---- /r/coffeeandwriting for more! Edit: Part 2 is up here! [Part 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/CoffeeAndWriting/comments/6itabv/writing_prompt_response_you_die_and_go_to_hell/)
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	The clapping rang out around the rocky red walls as the Devil sat on his throne looking down at Clyde. "Congratulations, Clyde, and welcome to hell." Clyde took a moment to look around, doing his best to take in the strange surroundings. Peering up at the Devil, he nodded his head. "Hello," said Clyde. The Devil held his hand out and a large book burst in to existence, "You're very special, Clyde. Very special, indeed." He took the book and peeled open the cover. "You're the first person to enter my domain, Clyde. This intrigues me like nothing before." Clyde stood idly, oddly unimpressed by what was transpiring in front of him. "This book, aptly named 'The Crimes of Clyde' contains every sin you committed and, oh my, it's quite thick. Your first punishment will be sitting through the reading of all your misdemeanors. May we remind you of your infidelity." Clyde continued to stand unaffected. The Devil began to rattle off the list contained within The Crimes of Clyde. "And I begin: * Thinking it's funny to shout out fake spoilers for films/TV shows people are about to watch. * Posting Minion memes on Facebook. * Singing along to every song on the radio while at work. * Not resetting the time on the microwave after using it. * Taking your phone out and sitting it on the table while eating with friends. * Biting the fork when eating food. * Thinking it's funny to touch people who have asked not to be touched. * Texting during a movie then being upset when called out on it. * Listening to music from your phone speaker on public transport. * Saying the words 'quick question'. * Stopping in the middle of streets when people are walking behind you. * Whistling. * Calling people out on technicalities when debating because you're incapable of admitting you're wrong. * Vaguebooking. * Wearing socks with Crocs. * Taking pictures of your food. * Forcing people to watch YouTube videos on your phone when they clearly don't want to. * Saying memes in real life. * Using the word 'literally' when it doesn't apply. * Becoming unjustly upset when your housemate asked you to clean up after yourself. Clyde interrupted, "Is this going to take much longer?" "You're clearly a cunt Clyde. This is going to take forever." **** I write shitty, silly stories on /r/BillMurrayMovies. Feel free to come along, not laugh at any of them and leave some judgement.	The land is desolate and barren for as far as I can see, devoid of all life except for the solitary red figure before me, his claps resonating across the entire empty plane. He grins widely, brandishing row of sharpened white teeth. "Now what manner of bastard must you've been to end up here?" I shrug dejectedly, my eyes tracing the entirety of the man. He is no taller than I am, with sharp black hair and a pointed beard. His smile is charming, although gives me the fearful impression of a crocodile; the sort of smile you give your dinner before eating it. I don't like the idea of being prey. "Oh, come now," he continues, his tone equal parts mellifluous and commanding. "Surely you must've done something." "I can't say," I mutter, backing up defensively. "Can't say? Don't tell me that, darling. We're going to be here an awful long time in silence if you don't part that mouth of yours." "I choose to be here," I concede, feeling myself shiver as I chance a look at his eyes - two orbs of onyx, conveying nothing but malice as they pierce my gaze and soul, leaving me quivering in the recess. Entirely at his mercy. "Chose?" He repeats, rolling the word around his tongue. He quirks a brow, chortling softly. "Now who in their right mind would choose, willingly, to be in Hell?" "Me," I whisper, my voice no louder than a passing wind. "You," he repeats, stepping forward. "Are you mocking me?" "No, Lucifer, I am no-" He freezes suddenly, all pretence of amicability dropping abruptly as his black eyes begin to flare, an entire inferno erupted around his body. Satan in all his hellish terror steps forth, his hand reaching for my neck. I quickly pull away, retreating back. "How dare you use my name? How are you even privy to such knowledge, mortal?" "G-God told me..." "God? God?!" His wings unfurl from his back, unveiling more of his demonic form as a black tongue snaked out from between his lips. "It was his request for me to come," I splutter, trying to at least attempt to defuse the situation. "You remember the story of Job?" The Devil himself faltered, "Yes, that devout man who God challenged me to corrupt. He remained steadfast in his fate no matter what I took - it was sordid to witness one with such will succumb to being little more than a zealot." "Yes, the man of legend himself. Well, now God has tried something else - a deal amongst his angels, as opposed to with you. To see if any amongst their ranks can come to you and convince you to return home, as you tried to convince Job into debauchery." "You intend to convince me, The Devourer, the Tyrant, Lord of Flies and abominations, to return home? To the bastardisation that is your so-called 'Heaven'? I'd rather die." "I'm just the messenger! Please take it up with the man himself if you have a problem. The angels shall be arriving soon." The Devil chews his lip, his vision tearing from me and instead looking to the red, swirling mass above us. The Sky separating Hell from Heaven, the colour of freshly spilled blood. He licks his lips, "There'll be blood if they come for me, that I can assure you of." "I don't doubt it." ---- /r/coffeeandwriting for more! Edit: Part 2 is up here! [Part 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/CoffeeAndWriting/comments/6itabv/writing_prompt_response_you_die_and_go_to_hell/)
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	A bone-jarring impact jolts me awake, followed by a few seconds of searing pain. I try to sit up, but the searing pain keeps me on by back. After a moment, the pain begins to subside and I'm able to sit up and take stock of my situation. When I look down at myself I nearly pass out. What once was a mostly healthy, slightly overweight body is now a mangled purple husk... "What.... happened?" I say to myself... After a few moments my memory returns... Fuck. Why'd I have to go base jumping from the Petronas Towers while on vacation in Malaysia? It's clear that the impact I heard was ME hitting the ground. Where am I anyway? This clearly isn't Kuala Lumpur. I struggle to my feet, amazed that my wrecked form can handle that much. Looking around I see nothing but a small room that seems to be carved from bedrock. There is no furnishings of any sort. A faint light glows from the ceiling above, but I can't see any actual source. I spot a door on one wall. Despite an inexplicable feeling of dread, I am compelled toward the door. I open it and step into a hallway. The walls are transparent, and through them lies everyone's worst nightmare. Fire and brimstone. Lava flowing down into pits. It dawns on me... I'm in HELL. From the other end of the short hallway, a man steps through the door. He's dressed in ragged black robes that seem to be worn over the top of even more ragged red robes. His beard is black, with a stripe of white running down the middle. The most alarming feature are two rams horns spiraling around each side of his head.... He's... clapping? "Who are you!?" I demand with alarm. "Who am I?" he says, "There are some who call me... Tim. But you? You can call me Satan. Or just Stan if you wish. Welcome to hell!" I snort in amusement. "Really? A Monty Python joke? Do you greet people like this all the time?" "Uh... well... you could say that. You're the first one to arrive." he admits. "What? With all the murderers and rapists on earth, I am the first one to go to hell? How the fuck does THAT work!? I've never killed anybody, harmed anyone, or stolen anything." I shout Stan sighs as if defeated. "Do you honestly think God would condemn his children to eternal pain and torture? The only way I'm ALLOWED any souls is through making deals... and after the humiliation of losing a fiddle contest to some snot-nosed kid I haven't really cared to try. My last effort was an attempt at a cyber-contract. All they had to do was pay for a piece of software and I'd own their soul." The sense of dread gets deeper... I know why I'm here. I know what doomed me to hell. "Fuck... You mean I'm the only one that paid for WinRar?" Stan grins at me and says "Like I said. Welcome to Hell." ----------------------------------------------------------------- Interested in feedback. This is probably the second time I've ever written in Writing Prompts... I don't know why I haven't done it more. I always have a blast making this stuff up. Edit: Holy cow! I didn't really expect this to explode like this. Thanks for the Updoots and all the kind comments! :) I think I'll have to do more of these! Edit 2: This post has more than doubled my total comment karma..... I'm kinda flabbergasted... Thank you all again! Edit 3: Wow... Gold... Thank you kind stranger!!	A bang, a flash. Yes, I remember that clearly in mind. Surprisingly there was no pain. I suppose my body was already numb from the shock of coming home to find this man, no boy, in my house. It’s all really just a blur. I had only just spotted him when I opened the door. He was halfway down the stairs with my wife’s jewellery box in one hand and the gun in the other pointing directly at me. The shot followed quickly after. I didn’t even get a chance to tell him I didn’t care, that he could take it or even that I could help him. With the support of the church we had helped many people in the community just like him. The shot had sent me hard to the ground, banging my head off the wall on the way down. My instincts took over and I just grabbed Rose. Attempting to put myself between her and my attacker. He didn’t even look at us as he stepped over me and strode out the door. I clenched my hand full of Rose’s dress and pulled her close. Blood was now everywhere, my shirt, the carpet and her dress. She had only got it last week for her birthday. The massive grin glowed from her all day. There was no sign of it now. My poor innocent girl, eyes wide just stared at me. A stream of tears flowed down her cheeks. “I love you Rose. You and your mother are the greatest things to ever happen to me. Don’t lose faith. I will be with god soon.” Ha, god. Where was he now? I stood now in an extravagate hall. Six marble columns etched with carvings of runes and symbols flanked both my sides. A large fire was blazing in the western walls fire pit; however I don’t suspect that what was cause of the humid heat that pressured my skin from every angle. And there he was, sat on the throne just staring at me with those deep, dark red eyes. “Well, after all these years” his voice boomed out, echoing of the cold stone walls. “You are the first human”, he really emphasised the word human “to ever step into my….” “What?! The first human?” I interrupted. The rage flooded over me like nothing I had ever felt before. I unclenched my right hand and pointed straight at him. “I know who you are, Satan. But how can I be the first human to ever be sent to hell. Me a worshipper of god, who had helped so many people on to the path god had carved out for us, who had been the man in the house since his father abandoned before he was born, who was a loving husband and caring father. HOW CAN I BE THE FIRST!” I had never felt such anger. I could feel my eyes peeled wide open but my vision had now narrowed with one thing in focus, him. The heat that had made breathing hard was now gone. His mouth widened into a massive grin baring his white, razor teeth at me. “Ah, yes. You have lived your whole life of righteousness and kindness. Been a loving husband and father you always wanted. Your mother, what did she ever tell you of your father?” I stumbled on the question. Why would he care about him? He who should be here, not me. “She never spoke of him. Whenever I would ask she would try to pass it off and tell me he was….” No. It can’t be. His smile widened even further. “the Devil?” Edit: Just wanted to add any feedback is much welcomed since this was my first input to Writing Prompts
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	A bone-jarring impact jolts me awake, followed by a few seconds of searing pain. I try to sit up, but the searing pain keeps me on by back. After a moment, the pain begins to subside and I'm able to sit up and take stock of my situation. When I look down at myself I nearly pass out. What once was a mostly healthy, slightly overweight body is now a mangled purple husk... "What.... happened?" I say to myself... After a few moments my memory returns... Fuck. Why'd I have to go base jumping from the Petronas Towers while on vacation in Malaysia? It's clear that the impact I heard was ME hitting the ground. Where am I anyway? This clearly isn't Kuala Lumpur. I struggle to my feet, amazed that my wrecked form can handle that much. Looking around I see nothing but a small room that seems to be carved from bedrock. There is no furnishings of any sort. A faint light glows from the ceiling above, but I can't see any actual source. I spot a door on one wall. Despite an inexplicable feeling of dread, I am compelled toward the door. I open it and step into a hallway. The walls are transparent, and through them lies everyone's worst nightmare. Fire and brimstone. Lava flowing down into pits. It dawns on me... I'm in HELL. From the other end of the short hallway, a man steps through the door. He's dressed in ragged black robes that seem to be worn over the top of even more ragged red robes. His beard is black, with a stripe of white running down the middle. The most alarming feature are two rams horns spiraling around each side of his head.... He's... clapping? "Who are you!?" I demand with alarm. "Who am I?" he says, "There are some who call me... Tim. But you? You can call me Satan. Or just Stan if you wish. Welcome to hell!" I snort in amusement. "Really? A Monty Python joke? Do you greet people like this all the time?" "Uh... well... you could say that. You're the first one to arrive." he admits. "What? With all the murderers and rapists on earth, I am the first one to go to hell? How the fuck does THAT work!? I've never killed anybody, harmed anyone, or stolen anything." I shout Stan sighs as if defeated. "Do you honestly think God would condemn his children to eternal pain and torture? The only way I'm ALLOWED any souls is through making deals... and after the humiliation of losing a fiddle contest to some snot-nosed kid I haven't really cared to try. My last effort was an attempt at a cyber-contract. All they had to do was pay for a piece of software and I'd own their soul." The sense of dread gets deeper... I know why I'm here. I know what doomed me to hell. "Fuck... You mean I'm the only one that paid for WinRar?" Stan grins at me and says "Like I said. Welcome to Hell." ----------------------------------------------------------------- Interested in feedback. This is probably the second time I've ever written in Writing Prompts... I don't know why I haven't done it more. I always have a blast making this stuff up. Edit: Holy cow! I didn't really expect this to explode like this. Thanks for the Updoots and all the kind comments! :) I think I'll have to do more of these! Edit 2: This post has more than doubled my total comment karma..... I'm kinda flabbergasted... Thank you all again! Edit 3: Wow... Gold... Thank you kind stranger!!	The red mist descends before your eyes as you hear the slow sarcastic clap. "Well. Fucking. Done. You know, I'm really only here as a warning, we never actually expected anyone to end up here. There really is nothing good about you, is there?" Satan melts toward you and wraps his body around yours, with his face looming above you. "So..." he hisses with a smirk, "What went wrong?" Confused, you desperately wrack your brain to think of an answer. Were you really so terrible? You never killed anyone. You were never even rude to anyone as far as you remember, you pretty much barely even existed, resigning yourself to playing games all day. "Uh..." you begin, "I... think there must have been a mistake. I know I can't be the worst person who ever lived. I barely even lived. My life never affected anyone else's-" "-BINGO" Satan snaps his fingers in your face. "You got it, my friend. You never even tried to do anything for anyone, did you?" He unwraps himself from around you and retreats to a chair engulfed in shadow nearby. "You sat and helped yourself, gorged on your video games and take-away food, avoiding people at all costs." Satan stares at you for a moment as if he's looking into your very soul. "And..." he continues... "You never loved anyone. You wasted the most precious human gift, threw it away because you were too frightened of rejection. It's truly pathetic." You think for a moment you must be in some crazy dream. Sure, you didn't do much to help anyone in your life, but you certainly didn't hurt anyone and couldn't be the worst person in the world. You muster up some confidence and ask Satan, "So tell me exactly how I am a worse person than Mussolini? Hitler? Pol Pot? The amount of people who have caused countless suffering and death on those around them... I can't even begin to think. And none of them ended up here, yet I did?" Satan rolls his eyes and let's out another long drawn out hiss. "These men were misguided, but in their own minds they were doing absolute good. They thought they struggled to save humanity, save their people, or create a better world. Each person is created with a vision, even you. That vision can get twisted along the way, but everyone follows it. Everyone, except for you. You sat idly by, deep down knowing you were wasting yourself. You didn't even attempt to change, and that is how you ended up here." A chill rushes down your spine and you begin to feel sick. As if something more real than you had ever felt before had just hit you like a truck going 200mph. You fall to your knees and realise what had become of you... You remember all the times you sat and thought, "I should probably do something today" only to sit down and watch TV and eat food. With each passing moment you feel pins and needles sticking in you all over, sharp pins... suddenly it feels like someone really is shoving scalding hot pins into your body. This really is hell... this... really... You see a sliver of light appear before you and hear the faint sound of a child's voice. You open your eyes and realise you're in a warm bed, and a child is beside you. Your child. Your little girl. She's poking you in the arm with a cocktail stick trying to wake you up because it's her birthday. You breathe a sigh of relief and hug your little girl harder than you ever have done before. You sit there and feel glad of the fact that all those years ago you finally found the drive to change yourself, and realised that nobody was going to do it for you. That day, you feel invincible. Go easy on me, have never written anything before and didn't have much time. I realise the formatting and probably some grammar won't be the best. Just wanted to contribute to one of these for a change. Edit: Wow thanks for the amazing feedback everyone, it's definitely convinced me to try writing some more in the future! Edit 2: Some corrections, thanks to 105milesite for noticing them for me!
[WP] You die and go to Hell only to find out that you're the only person that has ever entered. Satan is clapping.	The clapping rang out around the rocky red walls as the Devil sat on his throne looking down at Clyde. "Congratulations, Clyde, and welcome to hell." Clyde took a moment to look around, doing his best to take in the strange surroundings. Peering up at the Devil, he nodded his head. "Hello," said Clyde. The Devil held his hand out and a large book burst in to existence, "You're very special, Clyde. Very special, indeed." He took the book and peeled open the cover. "You're the first person to enter my domain, Clyde. This intrigues me like nothing before." Clyde stood idly, oddly unimpressed by what was transpiring in front of him. "This book, aptly named 'The Crimes of Clyde' contains every sin you committed and, oh my, it's quite thick. Your first punishment will be sitting through the reading of all your misdemeanors. May we remind you of your infidelity." Clyde continued to stand unaffected. The Devil began to rattle off the list contained within The Crimes of Clyde. "And I begin: * Thinking it's funny to shout out fake spoilers for films/TV shows people are about to watch. * Posting Minion memes on Facebook. * Singing along to every song on the radio while at work. * Not resetting the time on the microwave after using it. * Taking your phone out and sitting it on the table while eating with friends. * Biting the fork when eating food. * Thinking it's funny to touch people who have asked not to be touched. * Texting during a movie then being upset when called out on it. * Listening to music from your phone speaker on public transport. * Saying the words 'quick question'. * Stopping in the middle of streets when people are walking behind you. * Whistling. * Calling people out on technicalities when debating because you're incapable of admitting you're wrong. * Vaguebooking. * Wearing socks with Crocs. * Taking pictures of your food. * Forcing people to watch YouTube videos on your phone when they clearly don't want to. * Saying memes in real life. * Using the word 'literally' when it doesn't apply. * Becoming unjustly upset when your housemate asked you to clean up after yourself. Clyde interrupted, "Is this going to take much longer?" "You're clearly a cunt Clyde. This is going to take forever." **** I write shitty, silly stories on /r/BillMurrayMovies. Feel free to come along, not laugh at any of them and leave some judgement.	The red mist descends before your eyes as you hear the slow sarcastic clap. "Well. Fucking. Done. You know, I'm really only here as a warning, we never actually expected anyone to end up here. There really is nothing good about you, is there?" Satan melts toward you and wraps his body around yours, with his face looming above you. "So..." he hisses with a smirk, "What went wrong?" Confused, you desperately wrack your brain to think of an answer. Were you really so terrible? You never killed anyone. You were never even rude to anyone as far as you remember, you pretty much barely even existed, resigning yourself to playing games all day. "Uh..." you begin, "I... think there must have been a mistake. I know I can't be the worst person who ever lived. I barely even lived. My life never affected anyone else's-" "-BINGO" Satan snaps his fingers in your face. "You got it, my friend. You never even tried to do anything for anyone, did you?" He unwraps himself from around you and retreats to a chair engulfed in shadow nearby. "You sat and helped yourself, gorged on your video games and take-away food, avoiding people at all costs." Satan stares at you for a moment as if he's looking into your very soul. "And..." he continues... "You never loved anyone. You wasted the most precious human gift, threw it away because you were too frightened of rejection. It's truly pathetic." You think for a moment you must be in some crazy dream. Sure, you didn't do much to help anyone in your life, but you certainly didn't hurt anyone and couldn't be the worst person in the world. You muster up some confidence and ask Satan, "So tell me exactly how I am a worse person than Mussolini? Hitler? Pol Pot? The amount of people who have caused countless suffering and death on those around them... I can't even begin to think. And none of them ended up here, yet I did?" Satan rolls his eyes and let's out another long drawn out hiss. "These men were misguided, but in their own minds they were doing absolute good. They thought they struggled to save humanity, save their people, or create a better world. Each person is created with a vision, even you. That vision can get twisted along the way, but everyone follows it. Everyone, except for you. You sat idly by, deep down knowing you were wasting yourself. You didn't even attempt to change, and that is how you ended up here." A chill rushes down your spine and you begin to feel sick. As if something more real than you had ever felt before had just hit you like a truck going 200mph. You fall to your knees and realise what had become of you... You remember all the times you sat and thought, "I should probably do something today" only to sit down and watch TV and eat food. With each passing moment you feel pins and needles sticking in you all over, sharp pins... suddenly it feels like someone really is shoving scalding hot pins into your body. This really is hell... this... really... You see a sliver of light appear before you and hear the faint sound of a child's voice. You open your eyes and realise you're in a warm bed, and a child is beside you. Your child. Your little girl. She's poking you in the arm with a cocktail stick trying to wake you up because it's her birthday. You breathe a sigh of relief and hug your little girl harder than you ever have done before. You sit there and feel glad of the fact that all those years ago you finally found the drive to change yourself, and realised that nobody was going to do it for you. That day, you feel invincible. Go easy on me, have never written anything before and didn't have much time. I realise the formatting and probably some grammar won't be the best. Just wanted to contribute to one of these for a change. Edit: Wow thanks for the amazing feedback everyone, it's definitely convinced me to try writing some more in the future! Edit 2: Some corrections, thanks to 105milesite for noticing them for me!
[WP] You've been sent back in time by the United States government to kill Hitler. As you're about to carry out the deed, another man appears claiming he's from a dystopian world where Hitler was killed, and urges you not to do it.	Just get though today. It's Friday and I need a drink. Just keep your head low and get through today. No waves today. Oh no, what do they want? This can't be good. My reports are current, I was on time today. I am nobody. Why are they coming towards me. Maybe they will turn and go talk to Carl. I hate Carl. Make his day bad, not mine. Of course they walk right up to me. Instead of talking to me, they usher me quickly through a hallway I didn't even know existed and into a white room without windows. A fairly small room that appeared to be as sterile as an operating room but with only a single metal chair in the middle. I hear over a speaker somewhere in the walls to take a seat. "You have been tasked with eliminating a threat. You will be sent back to 1923 to remove this threat while he is in prison for a failed coup. This is a one way trip. Thank you for your service. Your target is Adolf Hitler." What? How? I thought we sold insurance. Why me? Why not some highly trained assassin. I am but a lowly desk jockey in a cubicle. Why me? Was it my ability to speak German? Nope, can't do that. Was it my ability to blend in wherever I am? Nope, I stick out like a sore thumb no matter where I go. Maybe it was my ability to improvise no matter the situation. Wait, didn't I skip dinner last night because the recipe called for sour cream and I couldn't figure out a replacement? Ok, now I don't know why they chose me. Why me? This is probably a joke anyway. Probably Carl. God I hate Carl. Keying his car would make me feel better. "Alright, Lets get this show on the road," I say overly sarcastic taking my seat. "I'll kill Hitler." No response. Suddenly the chairs restraints appear out of nowhere locking my legs and arms into place. "We suggest you don't move during the process," the invisible speaker voice cautions. "Thank you for your service," it says again. "Alright, this has gone on long enough. Carl, let me out you jackass." "Thank you for your service," it says again. "FUCK YOU CARL." Now I am mad. "LET ME OUT" "I am afraid we cannot do that, you have already given your consent." I am starting to hear an almost mocking tone coming from this invisible box. "I did no such thing!" The voice bellows out a maniacal laugh. "You did read the terms of agreement, right???" Oh shit. This isn't happening... Suddenly the lights begin flickering, strobing, disorienting me. Whooshing noises all around me. I'm dizzy, confused, sickly and can't see anything. Just as quickly as it starts, it ends. No longer in the clean white room, instead a dark, damp concrete hallway. Lights dim and the smell. Oh God the smell. I can't put my hand on it. Wait, it smells like the alleys behind my favorite bar. Piss. Tons of piss. God it smells. This has to be a prison. I guess it worked. I must be in the prison they said Hitler was in. He was in prison? Guess so. I should have paid more attention in school. I wonder where he is? Hope I don't run into anyone. Guess I will just start wandering hoping to not run into anyone. What else am I supposed to do? I hear talking ahead of me. I assume that's German they are speaking. Hell if I know. Probably should avoid them. Don't want to have to explain why I am down here. I just keep walking hoping to run into Hitler. I start to get a feeling. Not sure what it is but something is not right. I keep walking but now pick up my pace. As I do, the feeling gets worse. With no real reason to, I break out in a full sprint. Running at feel speed ahead I first realize I don't know where I am going and second that running sucks. It starts to get darker around me, not sure if it the lights or more likely the lack of oxygen to my brain from running. I keep running only to see to late that the hallway makes a sharp turn to the right as I slam face first into the concrete wall. I wake up with a mouthful of blood and a pounding head. That's when I realized that someone is standing over the top of me. I know that son of a bitch. Fucking Carl. "Wasn't sure you were going to wake up from that one. Not saying that would have been a bad thing. Would have made my job easier," Carl says with a smile. Fucking Carl. How the hell did he get here? "Sorry, can't let you kill Hitler. Shit goes down real bad if he doesn't do his horrendous things." Fucking Carl. Of course he's here to one up me. First the parking spot and now this. What a dick. "So do I have to kill you to keep you from completing your mission or are we good?" Carl asks. My response was simple, "Fuck you Carl." He smiles, nods his head and takes out his pistol. As he raises it I close my eyes for the last time and think of how much I really hate Carl. All I hear is laughter. As I open my eyes, Carl is holding out his hand, "Come on, we're in Germany. Let's go get a beer." Fucking Carl. Maybe he isn't so bad after all. Edit: typos.	This was it. This was the moment I had been training for throughout my entire military career. If I pulled this off, I was going to be a hero. The man who saved six million Jews and prevented the greater part of Europe from falling into economic ruin. I loaded my Browning and prepared to walk into the Vienna classroom where a young Adolph Hitler sat taking a painting exam. Failing the exam would be the least of his worries today. "Stop right there!" a wavering voice called over my shoulder. I turned to see an elderly man rushing down the hallway towards me. He didn't look like Italian police, nor did he look like another U.S soldier from my timeline. His clothes were modern but tattered and dirty. As he came closer I could see his face... my face. It was as if I were looking into a mirror and had aged forty years. "Don't do it!" He said, panting. "Don't kill Hitler." "Who sent you?" I asked. He looked like me, but much older. And he smelled quite awful. "Are you me?" "Yes. Yes, of course I'm you, fool. Now listen," he repeated slowly. "Don't kill Hitler." I stared at this aged version of myself incredulously. "That's the whole reason I'm here. I'm going to prevent World War II." "Listen, you fool," he spat as he spoke and tiny flecks of spittle peppered my cheek. "You can't prevent the war. Only delay it. The timeline you'll create, my timeline, is much worse than the original. Do you think that young anti-Semite in there is the only megalomaniac that came into power? Oh no, no, no, no. There were many more after him. But the precedent had been set, you see. We had learned from our mistakes and vowed never to let it happen again. Without that genocidal Charlie Chaplin in there, there is no precedent!" "So you just want me to let six million innocent people die?" "We must make sacrifices for the greater good. In my future there is no Israel, no United Nations," The elder-me replied. He hiccuped loudly and then produced a small metal flask. He took a large swig from it and then extended it toward me. Reluctantly I accepted. Great. In the future I was a drunk. "I don't know... this is a big decision. What else happens?" "Without the pressures of war, technological advances crept along. Former tech giants - Apple, Google, Amazon - cease to exist. Without the existence of social media, Donald Trump was never elected. North Korea beat us to developing nuclear weapons and-" "Wait a minute. Did you just say Trump never became president?" "Yes, that's correct, my dear boy, now you see-" I took a gulp from the flask, cocked my pistol, and stepped into the classroom. "Stand aside, drunken old me. I've got an Austrian art student to kill."
[WP] You've been sent back in time by the United States government to kill Hitler. As you're about to carry out the deed, another man appears claiming he's from a dystopian world where Hitler was killed, and urges you not to do it.	Berlin, Germany - 30 April 1945 I approached Führerbunker in the early hours of the morning. The renegade city was dust ridden. A war zone. A nazi scout flanked on my position, I had nearly achieved my mission, one small miscalculation and I'd been found. "Sie sind mehr als Sie erscheinen" (you are more than you appear) The man said. I was confused, he held out his hand to me. I took it, he shook my hand and with a surprising confidence he said "Miss, I am from a dystopian world, we successfully killed hitler by travelling back in time under American order. You should not complete this directive. I. Have. Seen. Things. Things you could not imagine." He knew who I was and what I was here to do. I paused momentarily, I looked to the floor. When I looked back up the man had disappeared. I had so many questions. If I fled now, more than likely I would die, I would fail my mission. Perhaps I had been set up. All I truly knew was that I needed to move. As I approached the door to Führerbunker I noted one soldier guarding. I took aim and shot at his leg. He dropped to the floor and screamed. I ran over to him and proceeded to patch his leg to gain his trust. "wer bist du, wer bist du, wer bist du!?" (Who are you, who are you, who are you?!) He screamed as I rolled a bandage around his leg. Calmly I spoke "Ich bin ein Informant, Heil Hitler." (I am an informant, heil Hitler) After patching his leg, I carried him through the door and down further into the bunker. The stale and crisp air filled my lungs as the soldier explained the situation. I was close now, If I could earn the trust of the fellow soldiers I might garner an audience with Adolf himself. To my surprise Eva had come to greet me. Expecting me perhaps to be a man of great stature she instead met me, a german-born Jewish female with dark hair and pale complexion. She greeted me surrounded by soldiers. I explained that I was an informant and had pivotal information regarding how to win the war. I explained in detail the position of the armies advancing on Berlin and I knew I'd won her over. I requested an audience with the both of them. Eva left me alone, the murmurings in the bunker were that of death. Today would be the day that Adolf and Eva commit suicide. Shots could be heard above ground, constant death and desolation. This man had my family killed, he would have gotten me but I refused to hide. I ran until I could not run anymore. Here I was, older, wiser and with a real motive. Adolf's eyes were dark. The horror of his life had finally caught up with him. Years of tactical planning had culminated in an aged and weary man. The art on the walls no longer picturesque, drab, dull, lifeless. Eva knew her time was short, Eva was beautiful and would never falter for her führer. "Führer, I am here as I'm sure you have been informed to help you. I know this is unexpected, but at this point in time I think we all know you need a tactical advantage for the future." I said very calmly, assessing the calculated movements he was making. "I have something to tell you. The real reason I was sent here was to kill you" I remarked, Adolf looked visibily uneasy, grabbing the gun at his side. "I am not here to kill you, I was sent back in time by the Americans to finish the job for them, but on my journey to Führerbunker I was confronted by a man who told me that If I kill you, terrible things would happen in the future. I understand I sound crazy so let me prove myself to you." I relayed critical information that had just happened to him and some of the events of the day including his thoughts on his impending suicide. He had no choice but to believe me. With a defeated look he said "So was wollen Sie?" (So what do you want?) I said "It is physically impossible to win the war, there is no possible outcome where that is conceivable. However, you do not have to die, not today. You are going to live a quiet life. You will undergo disguises for a considerable time and a few select devout Nazi's will go with you to help with tasks like shopping." I could see the frustrated look in their eyes. It was clear they were still considering. "Warum kümmert es mich um Ihre Zukunft?" (Why do I care about your future?) he said looking at me questioning my reserve. "You care because despite the efforts of war, you love your country. You love your wife, you are an artist and if that's not enough if you won't help me I will go further back in time after killing you, to ensure you never existed. My family will still exist but you will have no legacy, no impact on this world. You could see the distress permeating through the air. He paused momentarily and agreed to help. I told him we would stage the death of the two of you. Hitler will die of a gunshot and Eva would drink cyanide. The building would be burned down and we would all escape to Amsterdam. In the months that followed, Eva and Hitler changed their name, settled with a child in Amsterdam and would never be heard from again. We gave them new identities and a chance to create something good out of something incredibly horrific. I will never forget that day for as long as I live. &nbsp;Anne Frank [PART 2 IS AVAILABLE IN THE COMMENTS](https://www.reddit.com/r/WritingPrompts/comments/6ivctf/wp_youve_been_sent_back_in_time_by_the_united/djc541f/)	This was it. This was the moment I had been training for throughout my entire military career. If I pulled this off, I was going to be a hero. The man who saved six million Jews and prevented the greater part of Europe from falling into economic ruin. I loaded my Browning and prepared to walk into the Vienna classroom where a young Adolph Hitler sat taking a painting exam. Failing the exam would be the least of his worries today. "Stop right there!" a wavering voice called over my shoulder. I turned to see an elderly man rushing down the hallway towards me. He didn't look like Italian police, nor did he look like another U.S soldier from my timeline. His clothes were modern but tattered and dirty. As he came closer I could see his face... my face. It was as if I were looking into a mirror and had aged forty years. "Don't do it!" He said, panting. "Don't kill Hitler." "Who sent you?" I asked. He looked like me, but much older. And he smelled quite awful. "Are you me?" "Yes. Yes, of course I'm you, fool. Now listen," he repeated slowly. "Don't kill Hitler." I stared at this aged version of myself incredulously. "That's the whole reason I'm here. I'm going to prevent World War II." "Listen, you fool," he spat as he spoke and tiny flecks of spittle peppered my cheek. "You can't prevent the war. Only delay it. The timeline you'll create, my timeline, is much worse than the original. Do you think that young anti-Semite in there is the only megalomaniac that came into power? Oh no, no, no, no. There were many more after him. But the precedent had been set, you see. We had learned from our mistakes and vowed never to let it happen again. Without that genocidal Charlie Chaplin in there, there is no precedent!" "So you just want me to let six million innocent people die?" "We must make sacrifices for the greater good. In my future there is no Israel, no United Nations," The elder-me replied. He hiccuped loudly and then produced a small metal flask. He took a large swig from it and then extended it toward me. Reluctantly I accepted. Great. In the future I was a drunk. "I don't know... this is a big decision. What else happens?" "Without the pressures of war, technological advances crept along. Former tech giants - Apple, Google, Amazon - cease to exist. Without the existence of social media, Donald Trump was never elected. North Korea beat us to developing nuclear weapons and-" "Wait a minute. Did you just say Trump never became president?" "Yes, that's correct, my dear boy, now you see-" I took a gulp from the flask, cocked my pistol, and stepped into the classroom. "Stand aside, drunken old me. I've got an Austrian art student to kill."
[WP] You've been sent back in time by the United States government to kill Hitler. As you're about to carry out the deed, another man appears claiming he's from a dystopian world where Hitler was killed, and urges you not to do it.	I couldn’t believe the lies and deceit in our own American History, hell the entire World’s history. It is true what they say, 'history is always written and influenced by its victor.' I never imagined myself being one of the few to actually help amend or change it when necessary. My name is Peter Collins. As of yesterday, I was selected for something I would never even think was possible a few months ago. I was given specific instruction on a particularly interesting task. They wanted me to kill Hitler. I didn’t understand at first. Hitler did die. Well at least, in my specific timeline he has. I pondered on this while scratching my brain on how many timelines that could actually exist. In this current moment in my era, Hitler’s body was found next to a woman’s body before the Second Great War ended. This however goes back to the victors writing their own historical record. Hitler’s armies stretched all over Europe. The Russians wanted his militarized expertise so they went in to capture him alive. This is of course what they briefed me on before training on my mission. It turns out that the United States Government was more concerned towards the Russians near the end of the war. This lead to the United States acting on what I never would have believed was possible. The United States stormed the bunker in which Hitler was about to spend his last and final moments of surrender. The Russians were closing in. The United States should have killed Hitler, but something went wrong. They instead took him alive from the bunker. To this day, no one knows who the actual body, that was supposedly Hitler’s, belonged to. This is what has led us to today. The Government has kept an eye on Hitler’s exile in the southern Americas in order to keep him as far from the Russians as possible. I tried to wrap the common sense around what I was told. If they didn’t want the Russians to get Hitler and given his account of his actions, why not just kill him ourselves? I tried to understand but none of it made sense to me. Now I just found myself locked inside of a capsule ready to embark back on the day that is still a mystery after their explanation. The mission was simple as described already, Kill Hitler. I had to go back and do what the United States failed to do before. I wonder if this was to cover up the United States’ actions or if there was something much larger at stake here. "Okay,” A man in which I was never given the name of began, “We are sending you to where we briefed you on. Once, you are there, you know what to do.” After he finished, he handed me his own pistol. I did know what to do. They had me train the same scenario day in and day out for several months before today. Failure was not an option. I wasn’t quite sure if they even knew if this was going to work, sending me back into time, or if my body will just be ripped apart by a bad science experiment. Without any further thought, I felt the capsule heat excessively while being blinded by a bright light. My ears rang with an incredibly horrible noise. I felt like I smelled the melting of metal around me. Suddenly, I felt a rush of cold air as my eyes began to slowly focus. I sat up to see the trees hovering over me. I picked myself up hearing my boots crunch within a patch of snow. I looked at my watch. The time has now started. There was no time to delay. I picked up my feet and started to run. I finally found myself outside of the bunker. I kept myself concealed by all of the trees. I noticed something weird. The guards were already knocked out. Their bodies lied in disarray all over the secure point that I found myself excessively training for. The Russians, I thought. I was too late! How did they get here so fast? I hadn’t trained for this! I sat there contemplating on whether they sent me back to the wrong time in which my mission was supposed to begin. I made my way into the bunker while I drew the pistol given to me by the unknown man sponsoring this entire mission. "Stop!” A voice shouted as I made my way into the planning room. This was the room in which I was told Hitler would be. “We need to have a little chat.” The voice continued. I raised up my eyes to find myself now more confused than ever. My heart sank to the bottom of my stomach as I started to almost feel queasy. I found myself staring at Hitler with a woman who had already shot herself – or maybe it was Hitler who killed her – I don’t even know anymore. What made this entire situation worse was the gentleman pointing his weapon towards me beside Hitler. I tried closing my eyes and refocusing. Impossible, I thought. It was myself staring back at me, guarding Hitler. "I – I don’t understand.” I hesitated. "Let me fill you in.” My other identical counterpart replied, still aimed on me with his pistol. “Hitler is not going to die today. You see you’ve got it all wrong. If he dies, he becomes a martyr. His successors and officers will rise to continue what he began. Hitler here, however,” My counterpart slaps him on the shoulder, “ he has already agreed to his entire surrender.” I slowly scooted my finger on the trigger, I was not letting Hitler walk out of here alive. "Not so fast,” My counterpart smiled, “Hitler is going to help us kill off all of his leadership in accordance of his surrender, but will not do so unless we give him exile. The Nazi party has ended. Hitler has agreed that his leadership was an embarrassment for being defeated.” Hitler just sat there not saying a single word. He just locked his darkened eyes onto mine. My hand began to shake. I had to kill him at all costs. That was my mission. "Do you want to kill him? Or do you want the Nazi party gone forever? You have a mission, but what is your goal here?” Myself questioned back at me. He wasn’t going to lower his pistol. He was as attached to his mission as I was with my own. “If it makes you feel better, we’ve killed him before. When we killed him, his party was stronger than ever.” "His party will still be strong if we take him!” I replied. I didn’t understand his reasoning. "True, which makes them easier to hunt in the plain sight of day.” He smiled. “Hitler will tell us every person under his command, in return for him to live in exile.” "Where will you take him?” I replied. "Somewhere warm. It is going to be his hell on earth.” My counterpart laughed while Hitler still sat in silence. A few moments of us staring at each other passed as Russian voices echoed from the outside. "Oh yea, the other solution to the problem.” My counterpart pulled the trigger. I felt blood dripping out from my lower abdomen. "You just killed yourself?” I gasped in confusion. "I just saved everyone.” My counterpart held his own stomach in pain, dropping the pistol. I locked eyes onto certain individuals that came storming into the room, they weren’t Russians. These guys came in through the back door. The man who handed me the pistol while I was in the capsule grabbed Hitler by the arm. He and several others escorted Hitler from the bunker. How were they all here? They were the ones who sent me on this mission! "I don’t understand.” I fell onto my knees trying to breathe. My counterpart smiled. “Sacrifice ourselves to save thousands. It is what makes us Heroes.” His face – my own face – slowly faded into nothingness. I fell with my entire body onto the carpet. I could still hear what sounded like Russian voices from the outside. Smoke began to fill the room. Flames rolled across the floor circling my body. I turned my head towards the dead woman on the floor next to me. The fire slowly crept closer towards both of our bodies. It all started to make sense now. It was never Hitler’s body. It was my own. How many timelines are there? The final thoughts escaped from my head as the fire completely wrapped around the bunker. The only bodies that they’ll find is mine and the woman’s – They'll believe that my body is Hitler’s and the fire will conceal the truth. No one will dare question it. History, is in fact written and influenced by its victor. *** To read more of my stories, visit [here] (https://www.reddit.com/r/13thOlympian/)	I had him kneeling in front of me, his eyes closed tightly, his eyebrows pressed together, I could only drool when I imagined that disgusting moustache bathing in his own blood. "It's hilarious and shocking to see such a monster almost crying for his life." I said, placing the cold steel of my gun against his forehead. "Any last words?" He opened his eyes abruptly, "the German people will complete my task, with or without me. Do it, I'm not afraid of death, I met her many times and she always avoided me, how can I be afraid of something that fears me?" He said sprinkling saliva all over the floor. I won't lie, shivers ran down my spine when I heard him saying that, he had to die. I retracted the hammer of my revolver, he knew that noise very well. "Farewell motherfucker." I said with a wide smile on my face. The sound of a bullet hitting it's target echoed like a thunder across the bunker's tiny room followed by the noise of steel hitting the ground. "Don't do it, it's a huge mistake." Said an unknown voice behind my back. I was paralyzed, my revolver laid shot in the cold ground. "Who are you, how did you enter here?" "I'm the Agent Malcowick, I come from a dystopian world where Hitler was killed, my job is to prevent your people from making the same mistake we made." He said as he walked towards me while accomodating his black glasses. "I don't buy it, how can killing this monster be a bad idea? He's a genocide, the world most despised being in the whole history." I asked, confused. Agent Malcowick stood next to me, he had atleast 5 inches on me, he wore an all black intimidating outfit. "If he dies, a man named Terenberg will take his place, he won't commit a single war mistake, he will conquer Russia forcing the USA to take action along with the Allies to try and defeat the Third Reich but they will get obliterated. The entire world will become a tyranny where only the purest will be allowed to live." He said, his voice cracked many times. I turned to him, "How can I trust you, how do I know that you aren't a timetraveller Nazi?" I asked with defying eyes. He took a deep breath and slowly took his suit and shirt off. His whole body was sealed with burns in the shape of swastikas, he took off his glasses and he had yet another where his right eye once was. "They tortured me for not being pure enough, all my life, they don't have mercy on anyone, they will torture and murder children, adults and old people. Don't kill him. It's not worth it." He said struggling to hold his tears, pain came from off his voice. I nodded, "I will report back to my superiors, thank you Malcowick." Suddenly, a loud noise of another shot shattered my eardrums, a river of blood tarnished my leather shoes. Hitler corpse laid beside me, my revolver between his hands. I looked at Malcowick and he looked at me. "Fuck." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If you enjoyed please check my /r/chasisoxidado for more!
[WP] You've been sent back in time by the United States government to kill Hitler. As you're about to carry out the deed, another man appears claiming he's from a dystopian world where Hitler was killed, and urges you not to do it.	I couldn’t believe the lies and deceit in our own American History, hell the entire World’s history. It is true what they say, 'history is always written and influenced by its victor.' I never imagined myself being one of the few to actually help amend or change it when necessary. My name is Peter Collins. As of yesterday, I was selected for something I would never even think was possible a few months ago. I was given specific instruction on a particularly interesting task. They wanted me to kill Hitler. I didn’t understand at first. Hitler did die. Well at least, in my specific timeline he has. I pondered on this while scratching my brain on how many timelines that could actually exist. In this current moment in my era, Hitler’s body was found next to a woman’s body before the Second Great War ended. This however goes back to the victors writing their own historical record. Hitler’s armies stretched all over Europe. The Russians wanted his militarized expertise so they went in to capture him alive. This is of course what they briefed me on before training on my mission. It turns out that the United States Government was more concerned towards the Russians near the end of the war. This lead to the United States acting on what I never would have believed was possible. The United States stormed the bunker in which Hitler was about to spend his last and final moments of surrender. The Russians were closing in. The United States should have killed Hitler, but something went wrong. They instead took him alive from the bunker. To this day, no one knows who the actual body, that was supposedly Hitler’s, belonged to. This is what has led us to today. The Government has kept an eye on Hitler’s exile in the southern Americas in order to keep him as far from the Russians as possible. I tried to wrap the common sense around what I was told. If they didn’t want the Russians to get Hitler and given his account of his actions, why not just kill him ourselves? I tried to understand but none of it made sense to me. Now I just found myself locked inside of a capsule ready to embark back on the day that is still a mystery after their explanation. The mission was simple as described already, Kill Hitler. I had to go back and do what the United States failed to do before. I wonder if this was to cover up the United States’ actions or if there was something much larger at stake here. "Okay,” A man in which I was never given the name of began, “We are sending you to where we briefed you on. Once, you are there, you know what to do.” After he finished, he handed me his own pistol. I did know what to do. They had me train the same scenario day in and day out for several months before today. Failure was not an option. I wasn’t quite sure if they even knew if this was going to work, sending me back into time, or if my body will just be ripped apart by a bad science experiment. Without any further thought, I felt the capsule heat excessively while being blinded by a bright light. My ears rang with an incredibly horrible noise. I felt like I smelled the melting of metal around me. Suddenly, I felt a rush of cold air as my eyes began to slowly focus. I sat up to see the trees hovering over me. I picked myself up hearing my boots crunch within a patch of snow. I looked at my watch. The time has now started. There was no time to delay. I picked up my feet and started to run. I finally found myself outside of the bunker. I kept myself concealed by all of the trees. I noticed something weird. The guards were already knocked out. Their bodies lied in disarray all over the secure point that I found myself excessively training for. The Russians, I thought. I was too late! How did they get here so fast? I hadn’t trained for this! I sat there contemplating on whether they sent me back to the wrong time in which my mission was supposed to begin. I made my way into the bunker while I drew the pistol given to me by the unknown man sponsoring this entire mission. "Stop!” A voice shouted as I made my way into the planning room. This was the room in which I was told Hitler would be. “We need to have a little chat.” The voice continued. I raised up my eyes to find myself now more confused than ever. My heart sank to the bottom of my stomach as I started to almost feel queasy. I found myself staring at Hitler with a woman who had already shot herself – or maybe it was Hitler who killed her – I don’t even know anymore. What made this entire situation worse was the gentleman pointing his weapon towards me beside Hitler. I tried closing my eyes and refocusing. Impossible, I thought. It was myself staring back at me, guarding Hitler. "I – I don’t understand.” I hesitated. "Let me fill you in.” My other identical counterpart replied, still aimed on me with his pistol. “Hitler is not going to die today. You see you’ve got it all wrong. If he dies, he becomes a martyr. His successors and officers will rise to continue what he began. Hitler here, however,” My counterpart slaps him on the shoulder, “ he has already agreed to his entire surrender.” I slowly scooted my finger on the trigger, I was not letting Hitler walk out of here alive. "Not so fast,” My counterpart smiled, “Hitler is going to help us kill off all of his leadership in accordance of his surrender, but will not do so unless we give him exile. The Nazi party has ended. Hitler has agreed that his leadership was an embarrassment for being defeated.” Hitler just sat there not saying a single word. He just locked his darkened eyes onto mine. My hand began to shake. I had to kill him at all costs. That was my mission. "Do you want to kill him? Or do you want the Nazi party gone forever? You have a mission, but what is your goal here?” Myself questioned back at me. He wasn’t going to lower his pistol. He was as attached to his mission as I was with my own. “If it makes you feel better, we’ve killed him before. When we killed him, his party was stronger than ever.” "His party will still be strong if we take him!” I replied. I didn’t understand his reasoning. "True, which makes them easier to hunt in the plain sight of day.” He smiled. “Hitler will tell us every person under his command, in return for him to live in exile.” "Where will you take him?” I replied. "Somewhere warm. It is going to be his hell on earth.” My counterpart laughed while Hitler still sat in silence. A few moments of us staring at each other passed as Russian voices echoed from the outside. "Oh yea, the other solution to the problem.” My counterpart pulled the trigger. I felt blood dripping out from my lower abdomen. "You just killed yourself?” I gasped in confusion. "I just saved everyone.” My counterpart held his own stomach in pain, dropping the pistol. I locked eyes onto certain individuals that came storming into the room, they weren’t Russians. These guys came in through the back door. The man who handed me the pistol while I was in the capsule grabbed Hitler by the arm. He and several others escorted Hitler from the bunker. How were they all here? They were the ones who sent me on this mission! "I don’t understand.” I fell onto my knees trying to breathe. My counterpart smiled. “Sacrifice ourselves to save thousands. It is what makes us Heroes.” His face – my own face – slowly faded into nothingness. I fell with my entire body onto the carpet. I could still hear what sounded like Russian voices from the outside. Smoke began to fill the room. Flames rolled across the floor circling my body. I turned my head towards the dead woman on the floor next to me. The fire slowly crept closer towards both of our bodies. It all started to make sense now. It was never Hitler’s body. It was my own. How many timelines are there? The final thoughts escaped from my head as the fire completely wrapped around the bunker. The only bodies that they’ll find is mine and the woman’s – They'll believe that my body is Hitler’s and the fire will conceal the truth. No one will dare question it. History, is in fact written and influenced by its victor. *** To read more of my stories, visit [here] (https://www.reddit.com/r/13thOlympian/)	In 2270 technology had advanced to quite a large extent. Hover Boards, Teleportation and time travel were invented and mastered, among over things. I was working for the Anti-Terror taskforce (Terrorism is still rampant, especially after the invention of teleportation) and I was pulled aside one day by my superiors and I was given a peculiar assignment. Travel back in time and stop Hitler. You may be wondering why somebody hadn't already gone back and stopped him, and the main reason for that was simply because of how he was not in the history books. Over the centuries before now, heavy censorship occurred after World War 3 and the knowledge of the world before 2000 was lost and died out within 150 years. The basics of inventions and how the current world came to be was still taught, but the idea of war was completely unknown to the world. As such only a very small percentage of the world knew about people like Hitler because they were high ranking government employees. I only know this because I was briefed for my mission to stop Hitler. I was sent from January 12th, 2270 back to January 12th 1941. I appeared inside the office of Hitler just as he was reading over some plans. He gasped as he saw me, and I raised my pistol towards him. Suddenly I heard a sudden thud. I looked to my left and saw a dishevelled man appear and drop to the floor. "Stop!" He yelled and both me and the Fuhrer looked at him in confusion. He stood up and looked remarkably similar to me. "Daniel, do not kill him!" He begged. "Why not? He is a monster and must be removed before he can do any more damage" I replied. At that moment I then realised he called me by name. "How do you know my name?!" I angrily asked him, and I turned my pistol to him. "I'm from the year 2270 and the world is soon to be destroyed. After Hitler was assassinated a group of people began the Hitler movement to glorify their leaders life. Soon they became a huge society that ruled Germany and over the years they successfully invaded all other countries and killed off anyone who wouldn't join them. The world is a mess that only you can stop. I am you from this future and I made the same mistake as you are about to make now. Please don't do this." He explained and caught his breath. I looked at him perplexed. I shot him right between the eyes and then turned to Hitler and did the same. "Glory to the U-S-Motherfucking-A"
[WP] You are superhuman, and are viewed by everybody as a villain and somebody you should fear and avoid. The truth is, you created that reputation so that actual supervillains will be genuinely afraid when you come for them.	The original Captain Carnage was not a good man. The fear he instilled in other villains had well deserved, especially considering the fact that he was well known for killing more people on his side than Supers or civilians, which isn't to say that his kill count in those categories were anything to turn your nose up at either. You see villains usually have an unspoken agreement to leave each other alone, so long as their schemes don't directly interfere with each other. I suppose the best analogy would be that the villain social structure works pretty much like it does with stray cats. Occasionally they'll work together or even form dangerous (albeit short lived) groups, but for the most part they're perfectly happy sticking to their own territory. What made Carnage different is that his territory wasn't a bizarrely specific type of crime, a city, or hell even an entire country. No Carnage saw the entire world as his territory, and he was perfectly happy with protecting his claim on it through any means necessary, and if it meant burning down entire cities, or killing men, women, and children on TV, then so be it. I suppose part of the reason everyone on the other side of things was so afraid of Carnage was because he was a living reminder of why they tolerate (and will occasionally fight with) the league. Say what you will about super villains, but most of them aren't really interested in going on killing sprees or taking over the world so much as they are in making an obscene amount of money much, much faster than they could through normal channels. Even the worst of them have morals, hell most of the big name villains everyone's so afraid of will draw the line at killing kids (at least on purpose). To them Carnage was a living example of what can happen if you ever go too far. I suppose that's also part of the reason all of the villains were so gung ho to help us when word got out that the League was planning on storming his compound and taking care of the bastard once and for all. A lot of good decent people, both villain and hero died that day, and I probably would have been one of them if Dr.Insano hadn't taken a death ray to the face while bandaging my wounds. One of the things most civilians don't know is that the League is even more concerned with it's image than it looks on the outside. There's a reason why you don't see very many members of the League with prominent facial scars, not to mention the fact that the line up is almost constantly changing aside from the people who either have the healing factor, invulnerability, or enough money to afford plastic surgery. While I appreciated the offer to continue operating as an associate hero and the severance was generous enough, it wasn't enough to maintain my equipment for very long even if I managed to get my old day job back. I suppose most former leaguers find themselves in the same situation, which is probably part of the reason most of the don't stay in the game long enough afterwards for us to form our own hero groups, or even kick up enough of a fuss to get the media involved. A few months after I got booted, things went nuts. Previously mild and tame villains became dangerous and unpredictable, well known villains started topping each other.... That's when I realized that Carnage was one of the few things keeping the villains in check. A few days later, I finally made my decision. It wasn't hard to get a hold of Carnage's suit. Unlike the other trophies taken from his compound, it was surprisingly mundane, and no one really really even wanted it. I didn't even really need much evidence that I was actually working with the super-history museum to get my hot little hands on it. Even though my fight with Carnage left me scarred, I'm still in good enough shape that I can give most mid tier villains a good run for their money in a fight. Which of course means that all of the lower level baddies kicking up a fuss never stood a chance. After the first few punks were found beaten to a pulp, word started getting around. With the money I stole from their various lairs, I was able to pay off my rent for another month, and finally get my injured foot looked at by someone who wasn't on league payroll. A couple months later, I got contacted by a group of other former league members. As it turns out I wasn't the first person to think of stealing a villain's suit and doing some robin hooding. They call themselves the Dead Villains' Society... I think I'm going to have a lot of fun with them	Though they call me superhuman, in reality I am less human than them. My skeleton has been replaced by a super-alloy, my organs replaced by mechanical replicas that do not require food, the emotional centers of my brain replaced with tiny molecular processors. They call me the world's first supervillain as well, and they call the soldiers that fight against me heroes, but the opposite is closer to the truth. I come from the cold, scorched future of Earth, where even the air we breath is poisoned with radiation. And I won't stop until the real supervillains, the leaders of this world and the men responsible for destroying it, are all dead.
[WP] You are superhuman, and are viewed by everybody as a villain and somebody you should fear and avoid. The truth is, you created that reputation so that actual supervillains will be genuinely afraid when you come for them.	The original Captain Carnage was not a good man. The fear he instilled in other villains had well deserved, especially considering the fact that he was well known for killing more people on his side than Supers or civilians, which isn't to say that his kill count in those categories were anything to turn your nose up at either. You see villains usually have an unspoken agreement to leave each other alone, so long as their schemes don't directly interfere with each other. I suppose the best analogy would be that the villain social structure works pretty much like it does with stray cats. Occasionally they'll work together or even form dangerous (albeit short lived) groups, but for the most part they're perfectly happy sticking to their own territory. What made Carnage different is that his territory wasn't a bizarrely specific type of crime, a city, or hell even an entire country. No Carnage saw the entire world as his territory, and he was perfectly happy with protecting his claim on it through any means necessary, and if it meant burning down entire cities, or killing men, women, and children on TV, then so be it. I suppose part of the reason everyone on the other side of things was so afraid of Carnage was because he was a living reminder of why they tolerate (and will occasionally fight with) the league. Say what you will about super villains, but most of them aren't really interested in going on killing sprees or taking over the world so much as they are in making an obscene amount of money much, much faster than they could through normal channels. Even the worst of them have morals, hell most of the big name villains everyone's so afraid of will draw the line at killing kids (at least on purpose). To them Carnage was a living example of what can happen if you ever go too far. I suppose that's also part of the reason all of the villains were so gung ho to help us when word got out that the League was planning on storming his compound and taking care of the bastard once and for all. A lot of good decent people, both villain and hero died that day, and I probably would have been one of them if Dr.Insano hadn't taken a death ray to the face while bandaging my wounds. One of the things most civilians don't know is that the League is even more concerned with it's image than it looks on the outside. There's a reason why you don't see very many members of the League with prominent facial scars, not to mention the fact that the line up is almost constantly changing aside from the people who either have the healing factor, invulnerability, or enough money to afford plastic surgery. While I appreciated the offer to continue operating as an associate hero and the severance was generous enough, it wasn't enough to maintain my equipment for very long even if I managed to get my old day job back. I suppose most former leaguers find themselves in the same situation, which is probably part of the reason most of the don't stay in the game long enough afterwards for us to form our own hero groups, or even kick up enough of a fuss to get the media involved. A few months after I got booted, things went nuts. Previously mild and tame villains became dangerous and unpredictable, well known villains started topping each other.... That's when I realized that Carnage was one of the few things keeping the villains in check. A few days later, I finally made my decision. It wasn't hard to get a hold of Carnage's suit. Unlike the other trophies taken from his compound, it was surprisingly mundane, and no one really really even wanted it. I didn't even really need much evidence that I was actually working with the super-history museum to get my hot little hands on it. Even though my fight with Carnage left me scarred, I'm still in good enough shape that I can give most mid tier villains a good run for their money in a fight. Which of course means that all of the lower level baddies kicking up a fuss never stood a chance. After the first few punks were found beaten to a pulp, word started getting around. With the money I stole from their various lairs, I was able to pay off my rent for another month, and finally get my injured foot looked at by someone who wasn't on league payroll. A couple months later, I got contacted by a group of other former league members. As it turns out I wasn't the first person to think of stealing a villain's suit and doing some robin hooding. They call themselves the Dead Villains' Society... I think I'm going to have a lot of fun with them	The door knob twisted slowly, and The Armorer backed away slowly, hands holding a gun trained on the door. The door knob clicked and the door began to open. The Armorer fired a shot, and another, until the gun was out of bullets. A few moments passed while The Armorer wasn't sure if he was successful or not, and then I jumped through the door. The Armorer's screams woke the masses that day. The news went live. "Reports of another murder in New York City today. The victim was The Armorer, a man who planned to one day take over the world with mind controlling armor. Police who investigated the scene say it was the work of The Shadow." The Shadow? Is that what they call me now? Excellent. The newsman continued, "On the scene there was a note that said: 'Excelsior, you're next.' Excelsior is a well known super villain from-" I shut the television off. My next target is an Englishman. My reputation precedes me, so they will be in high security, and will be truly terrified "Time to leave New York City." I spoke in a gravelly tone. I burst through the window and landed the thirty stories down unscathed, and began my trek across the Atlantic. Water is no obstacle, as I can run so fast it acts like concrete under my feet. You could say I'm a superhuman. People turn and look as I run past, my dark hood obscuring my features. My steps leave craters in the ground. I see a mugging and immediately stop. "Stop." I tell the mugger in that gravelly voice. They whip around and when they see me all the color in their face drains away. The mugger runs away. "Give me your money." I tell the victim. "B-but you ju-" "Your money!" They hand their money to me and I am gone faster than they can say "The Shadow!" "You fools!" Excelsior shouts. "He will be here at any moment!" The henchmen scoff at their employer. "No, he'll be here when the next plane arrives." "He can run across the ocean!" Excelsior screams at them. "I am going to the tallest tower and you will defend me!" He yells. Pitt patt pitt patt pitt slap. Finally in England after five hours of running. I know where he is, my super abilities include being able to track down anyone anywhere. His tower won't protect him from me. Strangely, there are no henchmen. Likely at the airport, ready to destroy the absentee shadow. I begin scaling the tower. Pebbles break loose from the tower as I scale it, sometimes even a brick falls. Eventually I am under the window in which Excelsior points his gun at, ready for my assault. I throw my voice behind him and yell "Peekaboo behind you!" He whips around and I jump inside the room. I tear the gun from his hands and snap it in two. "No." He says quietly as I begin to tower over him. "No!" He yells just as my arm morphs into a sword. "NOOOOOOOoooooo....." The scream trails off as I skewer him through the heart with my arm-sword. Too easy. Maybe I should pursue stronger prey.... Edit: grammar and punctuation fixes
[WP] Magic is real. Humans get magic when they turn 200. You are one of the first.	There's a certain wonder about growing old after the dawn of genetic engineering. There's telomere transplant gene therapy, there's stem cell production and my personal favorite, brand new hormonal glands. I've had 3 sets of balls to keep the swimmers pumping. Although I'm considered something of a marvel as the youngest person behind me is one hundred and fifty. That was previously believed to be the maximum level of how long a life could be extended. But a few days ago was my two hundredth birthday. And it really was a marvelous event, having nearly all of my grandkids, great-grandkids and great-great-grandkids there as well. Some distant relatives as well such as that bitch Karen. But there was something weird that I didn't seem to pick up on yesterday. I did feel it but it was only after I went to bed and somehow shot off a lightning storm to destroy my bedroom did I realize something was wrong with me. I realized something was very wrong with me once I managed to effortlessly reconstruct everything that I destroyed by merely pointing. And going to the doctor showed that something was becoming different about me. 'It's weird,' the doctor told me. 'It's like your body is somehow able to repair itself, work out despite complete inactivity. I saw you only a few months ago but... you went from "Crusty old man" to "strong-bodied twenty-year old" since then.' 'Fuck, then maybe I'll lose my senior citizens discounts,' I griped. 'There's one other issue.' 'What's that?' the doctor asked. 'I can do this,' I said as I created a fireball in my hand. 'What the hell?!' the doctor yelled. 'How did-' 'That's not all,' I said while interrupting him, before turning the fireball into a crystal statue and floating it down towards him, allowing him to touch it. 'Any idea how this is possible?' He simply stared at me with his mouth agape. 'NO!' he screamed when he finally came back to reality. 'You need to go see a specialist like a neurologist or a physicist.' 'That last one isn't part of the medical profession,' I reminded him. 'THEN HOW THE FUCK DID YOU MAKE THIS?!' the doctor yelled. 'You need to go to a medical college to be studied, like Harvard or Stanford or-' 'Hold the fuck on,' I said in protest. 'I am not taking a two-day space-flight to the other side of the galaxy to go to some crusty old colleges on Earth of all places. Now if you don't mind, I've got to go see to my flowers.' I headed towards the door as the doctor just stood there, looking at the crystal fireball. I was going to open the door normally before I turned back and asked, 'How much you want to bet I can walk through this?' 'If you give my receptionist a heart attack I am going to hunt you down and kill you,' he sneered at me. 'Just book another apointment for next Monday.' 'Yeah, yeah...' --- Part 2 coming soon	Lets imagine, for a moment, that you win a lottery. The prize is kept mysterious, but you are guaranteed to have an "unforgettable" experience. You go to claim your prize. They film you on live television. You get into the room and see a box. Here it comes, you think to yourself. The presenter strides in, bends forward like a waiter and lifts the lid from the box - to your disgust, it's filled with the most abhorrent assortment of insects. The bottom of the box is slimy, and the insects are covered in their fecal matter. You look at the presenter and meet only a glaring grin stretching from one ear to another. His eyes are shrewd and he silently beckons you to dig in. In his other hand he grips a scalpel, dripping with red. You're on live television. You look around you and see that the doors are locked on all sides. There's no backing out. You want to leave but the armed guards at the door seem to void that possibility. It's like a nightmare. How did something so promising turn out so horrid? We learn in school about the wonders of unlocking more potential of the human mind - though we've only managed to garner about a single extra percent of processing power, the effects were marvelous. Increased perception and longer lifespans were only the beginning of unimaginable power. I guess there's a lot more truth to conspiracy theorists than we were lead to believe. Looking back on it now, I can see how schools, medical institutions, media and even our most trusted leaders all led us astray. Years of selective perception and propaganda have led to this surprise. I can't say it isn't my fault... I can recall, by name, dozens of people who tried to warn me about this. I guess I felt safer pretending it wasn't real. So here I am. A victim of my own arrogance, ignorance and stupidity. I've hit the limit and realized the truth - magic exists. They boil it down to fairy tales and childish imagination, but in reality it's far darker. I've seen it. The sterile whiteness of the walls and floors here are often bleached with the crimson of the guards and scientists, and none too often do their screams echo through the hallways, despite the padding of my cell. I admit, I have my fair share of sin as well. It's hard to restrain yourself when they pick at your skin and skewer you over and over again. Sometimes I lose it and go nuts. It's humorous, now that I think about it. The looks on their faces! Their expressions when the straps snapped open and their severed limbs hosed the walls and ceiling with blood! Marvelous! Marvelous... That's what it is, then. Fantastic. Incredible. Awe-inspiringly terrific! Terrific... or terrifying? I see it now. So this is why they neutralize us. I can't recall being so happy about the death and maiming of another, no matter the circumstances. I suppose they were only doing their jobs, after all. At least they know the truth. Maybe one day they'll expose the lies of our leaders? No. Probably not. I am one of the first, but definitely not the last. They'll go on teaching it like a fairy tale, a nice little dream for the children to play with while we sit here and get torn to pieces. Magic... how did something so promising turn out so horrid?
[WP] Magic is real. Humans get magic when they turn 200. You are one of the first.	You're on a hundred different medications and half the hospital is keeping you alive in forms of life support and medical advancements. You would pump your fist in joy of being one of the first - if not the first, but you can't remember the others' birthdays - human beings to reach their 200th birthday in just a few minutes, but your arms hurt too much to do so. The monitor attached to your hospital bed beeps in excitement for you instead. Your relatives sit next to you as they count down the minutes, hurrying around in excitement, being too loud underneath the too bright light. For crying out loud you're nearly two centuries old, you love them all a lot but you'd think they'd be more considerate of your general state of being. The clock strikes midnight, but their cheers are drowned out by a sudden blinding light in your vision. A million thoughts rush into your brain, a million voices whispering ancient words and songs, runes and symbols spinning before you, washing out everything in that hospital room. You fall through time and space, surrounded by exploding stars and whispers and cries of long passed ancestors. It seems to last forever. Then, your family's out of tune rendition of happy birthday becomes clear again, and the vision and noises all fade away. You gasp, returning to reality and breathing heavily as the monitor continues beeping above you. A million ancient spells dance on your lips, begging to be cast, your heart still racing rapidly beneath your chest. As your grand daughter screams in excitement and begins to cut the cake, that noise somehow sets it off though. A language you have never even heard before rolls off your tongue like reflex, and suddenly the walls of your hospital room change into a moving, living mural of a rainforest - so real that the chirping of birds and drizzling of the rain spreads through the room. "Oh my god. It is real." That's your son speaking. With shaking arms he hugs you, and you realise that you're a living piece of evidence who just proved what humans have been suspecting for years now, but which you have never believed is actually true (youngsters these days, always making up whimsical fairy tales.) You can barely reach out to hug him back, a wave of exhaustion suddenly washing through you. Who knew that speaking a few words could feel like running a marathon? You are getting old. The monitor's beeping is irritating now, cutting through your head and giving you an incredible headache. You turn up the medication using the button attached to your hand, and give out weak smiles to your relatives literally jumping with joy around you, the doctors and nurses rushing in exclaiming that it's a miracle and that the world is about to change. "Do it again sir." One of the nurses rushes over, clipboard and camera and microphone in hand, looking more than ready to lead a deposition right then and there. You stare at the moving rainforest wallpaper, eyelids heavy like lead, and spot a colourful bird fly off into the sunset. You can still feel the spells dancing on your mouth, but you're not exactly ready to put on a magical fairy tale show that's going to become a viral sensation overnight. "I'm literally two hundred years old." You scoff, attempting to roll your eyes but failing. "And I'm exhausted. The only thing I want to do? Is take a nap." With protesting complaints all around from the doctors but with exasperated yet sympathetic glances from your relatives, you roll over, smile at everyone, then you fall right back asleep. What's magic compared to a nice nap? At the moment, having just lived through 200 years of general nonsense, you can argue - absolutely nothing. ----------- Thank you for the prompt! u/j_miles	Lets imagine, for a moment, that you win a lottery. The prize is kept mysterious, but you are guaranteed to have an "unforgettable" experience. You go to claim your prize. They film you on live television. You get into the room and see a box. Here it comes, you think to yourself. The presenter strides in, bends forward like a waiter and lifts the lid from the box - to your disgust, it's filled with the most abhorrent assortment of insects. The bottom of the box is slimy, and the insects are covered in their fecal matter. You look at the presenter and meet only a glaring grin stretching from one ear to another. His eyes are shrewd and he silently beckons you to dig in. In his other hand he grips a scalpel, dripping with red. You're on live television. You look around you and see that the doors are locked on all sides. There's no backing out. You want to leave but the armed guards at the door seem to void that possibility. It's like a nightmare. How did something so promising turn out so horrid? We learn in school about the wonders of unlocking more potential of the human mind - though we've only managed to garner about a single extra percent of processing power, the effects were marvelous. Increased perception and longer lifespans were only the beginning of unimaginable power. I guess there's a lot more truth to conspiracy theorists than we were lead to believe. Looking back on it now, I can see how schools, medical institutions, media and even our most trusted leaders all led us astray. Years of selective perception and propaganda have led to this surprise. I can't say it isn't my fault... I can recall, by name, dozens of people who tried to warn me about this. I guess I felt safer pretending it wasn't real. So here I am. A victim of my own arrogance, ignorance and stupidity. I've hit the limit and realized the truth - magic exists. They boil it down to fairy tales and childish imagination, but in reality it's far darker. I've seen it. The sterile whiteness of the walls and floors here are often bleached with the crimson of the guards and scientists, and none too often do their screams echo through the hallways, despite the padding of my cell. I admit, I have my fair share of sin as well. It's hard to restrain yourself when they pick at your skin and skewer you over and over again. Sometimes I lose it and go nuts. It's humorous, now that I think about it. The looks on their faces! Their expressions when the straps snapped open and their severed limbs hosed the walls and ceiling with blood! Marvelous! Marvelous... That's what it is, then. Fantastic. Incredible. Awe-inspiringly terrific! Terrific... or terrifying? I see it now. So this is why they neutralize us. I can't recall being so happy about the death and maiming of another, no matter the circumstances. I suppose they were only doing their jobs, after all. At least they know the truth. Maybe one day they'll expose the lies of our leaders? No. Probably not. I am one of the first, but definitely not the last. They'll go on teaching it like a fairy tale, a nice little dream for the children to play with while we sit here and get torn to pieces. Magic... how did something so promising turn out so horrid?
[WP] You started writing a diary when you were 13, but you stopped after it got boring after awhile. You find your diary after several years in pile of your old stuff, and the entries indicate that you've never stopped writing...	"For my 13th birthday I received a diary. I believe my therapist at the time recommended it to my mother because of... things better left in the past. I, of course, believed myself too masculine to keep a diary. A diary! As a solution, I referred to it as my 'logbook' and addressed all entries to 'Baron.' Who's Baron? Well, I made him up, but I'm certain he would love to meet you." "I, um... yes, I'll speak with Baron after we're done." "I should also mention that I couldn't remember to write everyday, so I just noted the 'big things' every month, and how I felt of them. It started, well..." On the month of June, 1983, I write to you, Baron: Not a fan of this journal. Hate writing. Hate a lot, actually. But you're a cool guy, I guess. Nothing really happened this month. All I did was go to science camp. I watched some people make a volcano. Woo. Boring. I'm done here. Nice life, Baron. On the month of October, 1983, I write to you, Baron: I stepped on a cockroach this month. Can you tell I don't get out much? I guess I didn't really hurt anything, that cockroach shouldn't have come into my home. I hate intruders, too. Don't you, Baron? I'm going to go find more cockroaches to kill. Nice life, Baron. "Hold On, Kyle. I asked for every entry." "Well, I just don't remember all of them. You have the journal! Why can't you just read them if you won't listen to me?" "Alright, Alright, just keep going. And you, uh, don't have to dart your head around the room like that. It's just us." "Broke my damn concentration..." On the month of April, 1984, I write to you, Baron: I found a dead cat in that ditch by the road. I felt bad for it, so I buried it. Nice and tight. Don't tell Mom, she thinks dead things mess with me. Nice life, Baron. May 1984 - What the hell, Baron??? Great friend... NOT! "So, what were your thoughts upon spotting that cat?" "Poor kitty." "Okay, then. Keep going." On the month of December, 1985- "December 1985? What happened?" "I refused to write to Baron for quite a while after he sold me out. But... I kept finding dead cats. So many of them, a new one almost every day, right in that ditch. I just had to tell him." -I write to you, Baron: I've found well over a hundred cats. What's going on? Yes, I know I'm a terrible friend. I'm sorry for not writing. Felt sick after out last exchange. But the cats! They just keep showing up! We need to find help for them, they're always gone when I get Mom! Help! Baron! "Then?" "Then I stopped finding cats. I hypothesized that Baron did indeed stop the culprit, and completely forgot about him, and my journal. Until, of course, I graduated high school. After the ceremony I returned home and found the book while cleaning my room in preparation for the move to a college dormitory." "And you didn't write any of these?" "Not a damn one of them." It's July of 1987, Kyle: Haven't heard from you in a while. Where are you? You ok, bro? ~ Baron. It's July of 1988, Kyle: Dude. What is up with you? Did I mess up? Are you mad? I hope you're not mad. I really don't want you to be mad. Please don't be mad. It's July of 1989, Kyle: Hey. Bro. Tried waking you up last night, didn't you notice? It's August of 1989, Kyle: Okay. Confession time. I need a friend. We all do. So I found one. He's your age. You'll be leaving for college soon, so... yeah. If you want to see me again... we can work something out. "And do you remember what happened then?" "Yeah, I wrote 'Let's meet up. Old spot.'" "Right where the young man's body was found just last week, correct?" "Exactly there. But the kid passed of a heart attack." "Of course. Now, off to your cell. Take 'Baron' with you."	The dark, dusty attic was filled with random, seemingly useless things, clothes, toys, boxes from the move, until the bright yellow, glittering spine caught my eye. I shuffle in the darkness, over to the dusty book. Dusting it off, i see that the front reads, "Diary of Me" in bold letters. holy shit. I haven't seen this book in ages, I think to myself as the wave of nostalgia comes back. I crack it open. The front page, "May 5th 2002" Hello, I don't really do this but I have a lot to say. I really really really am tired of school. So much stress, and I hate my teachers. I mumble to myself, "Well Mrs. Charles was a peace of shit," I choke back a chuckle. I turn a few pages. "June 23rd, 2017" What? My eyes move across the page. It talks about what I ate, how much I despise my job, my boyfriend? I look at this page for what seems like an hour, until my trance and confusion are stopped by a Whump. A box behind me hits the ground. A chill crawls slowly down my spine. It feels as if the temperature dropped by fifty. The walls of the attic are not visible, a cloud of mist and smoke erupts in front of me. Out comes a shadow. A shadow with my exact outline. The long, curly hair, curves on my sides, it felt... weirdly familiar. The book is snatched away from me, and the book begins to float, in mid air. A rush of mist is whirling around it. The shadow is moving... erratically, in inhuman ways. I feel a presence, right in front of my face. The chill is enough to make me shiver. The book begins to write itself. The pencil, moving across the page, writing about everything that happened today. Right at the top, it wrote June 25th, 2017 Today's Date Thanks For Reading, go to r/MyOwnWrites and send me prompts! Edit: Spelling
[WP] You started writing a diary when you were 13, but you stopped after it got boring after awhile. You find your diary after several years in pile of your old stuff, and the entries indicate that you've never stopped writing...	The day my mother died. That was tomorrow, 10 years back. I was up in the attic, going through some of old stuff. Old photo albums, little things my mother loved. Tears welled in my eyes. Ah the memories, I thought, as I glanced a dusty little book among a bunch of my old shit. I picked it up and sneezed. The marker on the front was faded. Taylor's Diary. Don't Touch! When I was a kid, I was dumb, the ideal teenage life being everything I watched on Nickelodeon or Disney. If all those girls kept diaries, then why not me? My mom thought it was a phase, but it went on for quite some time. From when I was 8 years old to when I was 13. I stopped on the day of my 13th birthday, after my 'friends' who came over for my party ridiculed me over it. Appropriately, the last entry I wrote was me gushing about how I was now a teenager. I flipped open the book, little clouds of dust flitting through the air, and the sounds of the stiff pages bending oddly satisfying. The diary had that musky old book smell. I liked it, then sneezed again. Where was it, August 5th... There it was on the left page... But there was something on the right as well, did I write anything the following day? I swear I couldn't recall. August 6th, 2000: Well, my friends were a bunch of stupid jerks! I hate them all! After the party I walked to the lake... And something strange... I can't write about it, you know I can't. You saw what I saw. But it changed me. I know that. I felt my hairs rise. It was something to forget how many times you went to the bathroom, but not to forget 'something strange' happening a freaking day after you could have sworn you hadn't written anything in the diary. Flipping through the rest of the pages real quick, I could see that the whole book had several more entries, almost to the end. That definitely wasn't me. Yet, the handwriting was mine. I kept turning. December 13th, 2000: I saw it again, and this time I'm not mistaken. I know what I saw. I actually peed myself, I know, I know. But I plan to go back. I want to understand. This was eerie, and I felt a strange sensation in my belly. This wasn't me, none of this ever happened... Yet, somehow it did? April 14th, 2002: Today they took me in. For the first time in years, I feel welcome. July 28th, 2002: I'm learning more and more from them. It's only a matter of time before I understand. Then a huge gap in time... Strange. But the writing continued on the next page, the writing different. The strokes were more mature, but definitely an evolution of the previous, indicating the same person. June 26th, 2007: Mother is gone. January 2nd, 2008: I've done what they wanted, and flawlessly if I should commend myself. There's hope for me yet. Today I found some interesting texts, which I know I shouldn't be in possession of, but they seem intriguing. January 6th, 2008: I've done wrong. I know it. Those books were locked up for a reason. April 26th, 2008: I refuse to believe this can be fought. This marks the day I give in. Forgive me, my family. You taught me so much, but I strayed. Oh how I strayed. February 6th, 2014: I burnt them to the ground and felt nothing. If we ever see again, know that I'm sorry. November 20th, 2014: They respect me now. This new family. And they should. But is it respect, or fear? November 23rd, 2014: Assigned. See you later. From here, the writing was cold. Malignant almost, as if darkness was seeping out of the pages. March 8th, 2017: Home sweet home. I'm no longer who I was. This is what I was meant to be, and by the Air I've reached my true potential. April 17th, 2017: It's fear. May 26th, 2017: Forgive me. I am nothing but a shell, I need to find my way again. June 1st, 2017: I might have figured it out. Maybe I can go back. Maybe I can be forgiven, and hurt no one else. June 25th, 2017: Remember me on the other side. Goodbye. Remember all you have done, and be thankful. This will hurt. I did not remember.	The dark, dusty attic was filled with random, seemingly useless things, clothes, toys, boxes from the move, until the bright yellow, glittering spine caught my eye. I shuffle in the darkness, over to the dusty book. Dusting it off, i see that the front reads, "Diary of Me" in bold letters. holy shit. I haven't seen this book in ages, I think to myself as the wave of nostalgia comes back. I crack it open. The front page, "May 5th 2002" Hello, I don't really do this but I have a lot to say. I really really really am tired of school. So much stress, and I hate my teachers. I mumble to myself, "Well Mrs. Charles was a peace of shit," I choke back a chuckle. I turn a few pages. "June 23rd, 2017" What? My eyes move across the page. It talks about what I ate, how much I despise my job, my boyfriend? I look at this page for what seems like an hour, until my trance and confusion are stopped by a Whump. A box behind me hits the ground. A chill crawls slowly down my spine. It feels as if the temperature dropped by fifty. The walls of the attic are not visible, a cloud of mist and smoke erupts in front of me. Out comes a shadow. A shadow with my exact outline. The long, curly hair, curves on my sides, it felt... weirdly familiar. The book is snatched away from me, and the book begins to float, in mid air. A rush of mist is whirling around it. The shadow is moving... erratically, in inhuman ways. I feel a presence, right in front of my face. The chill is enough to make me shiver. The book begins to write itself. The pencil, moving across the page, writing about everything that happened today. Right at the top, it wrote June 25th, 2017 Today's Date Thanks For Reading, go to r/MyOwnWrites and send me prompts! Edit: Spelling

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