Split (1)

train · 353k rows

post_title stringlengths 8 313	chosen stringlengths 1 39.5k	rejected stringlengths 1 13.8k
[WP] You started writing a diary when you were 13, but you stopped after it got boring after awhile. You find your diary after several years in pile of your old stuff, and the entries indicate that you've never stopped writing...	The day my mother died. That was tomorrow, 10 years back. I was up in the attic, going through some of old stuff. Old photo albums, little things my mother loved. Tears welled in my eyes. Ah the memories, I thought, as I glanced a dusty little book among a bunch of my old shit. I picked it up and sneezed. The marker on the front was faded. Taylor's Diary. Don't Touch! When I was a kid, I was dumb, the ideal teenage life being everything I watched on Nickelodeon or Disney. If all those girls kept diaries, then why not me? My mom thought it was a phase, but it went on for quite some time. From when I was 8 years old to when I was 13. I stopped on the day of my 13th birthday, after my 'friends' who came over for my party ridiculed me over it. Appropriately, the last entry I wrote was me gushing about how I was now a teenager. I flipped open the book, little clouds of dust flitting through the air, and the sounds of the stiff pages bending oddly satisfying. The diary had that musky old book smell. I liked it, then sneezed again. Where was it, August 5th... There it was on the left page... But there was something on the right as well, did I write anything the following day? I swear I couldn't recall. August 6th, 2000: Well, my friends were a bunch of stupid jerks! I hate them all! After the party I walked to the lake... And something strange... I can't write about it, you know I can't. You saw what I saw. But it changed me. I know that. I felt my hairs rise. It was something to forget how many times you went to the bathroom, but not to forget 'something strange' happening a freaking day after you could have sworn you hadn't written anything in the diary. Flipping through the rest of the pages real quick, I could see that the whole book had several more entries, almost to the end. That definitely wasn't me. Yet, the handwriting was mine. I kept turning. December 13th, 2000: I saw it again, and this time I'm not mistaken. I know what I saw. I actually peed myself, I know, I know. But I plan to go back. I want to understand. This was eerie, and I felt a strange sensation in my belly. This wasn't me, none of this ever happened... Yet, somehow it did? April 14th, 2002: Today they took me in. For the first time in years, I feel welcome. July 28th, 2002: I'm learning more and more from them. It's only a matter of time before I understand. Then a huge gap in time... Strange. But the writing continued on the next page, the writing different. The strokes were more mature, but definitely an evolution of the previous, indicating the same person. June 26th, 2007: Mother is gone. January 2nd, 2008: I've done what they wanted, and flawlessly if I should commend myself. There's hope for me yet. Today I found some interesting texts, which I know I shouldn't be in possession of, but they seem intriguing. January 6th, 2008: I've done wrong. I know it. Those books were locked up for a reason. April 26th, 2008: I refuse to believe this can be fought. This marks the day I give in. Forgive me, my family. You taught me so much, but I strayed. Oh how I strayed. February 6th, 2014: I burnt them to the ground and felt nothing. If we ever see again, know that I'm sorry. November 20th, 2014: They respect me now. This new family. And they should. But is it respect, or fear? November 23rd, 2014: Assigned. See you later. From here, the writing was cold. Malignant almost, as if darkness was seeping out of the pages. March 8th, 2017: Home sweet home. I'm no longer who I was. This is what I was meant to be, and by the Air I've reached my true potential. April 17th, 2017: It's fear. May 26th, 2017: Forgive me. I am nothing but a shell, I need to find my way again. June 1st, 2017: I might have figured it out. Maybe I can go back. Maybe I can be forgiven, and hurt no one else. June 25th, 2017: Remember me on the other side. Goodbye. Remember all you have done, and be thankful. This will hurt. I did not remember.	The faint dim light of my lantern, a book and my sheets defended me from the monsters that crawled my bedroom's floor in the night. That evening I submerged into Anne Frank's world, I found her diary absorbing, it made me remember about my old diary that I wrote last year but quickly left behind. The warm sunlight broke into my room through the tiny gaps of my window calcinating the monsters and waking me up. I peeked to make sure they weren't there before I got out of the cozyness of my bed. That morning I went straight into my family's basement to find my old diary and promised myself to write on it everyday. "Mom, could you please defend me from the monsters in the basement? The light doesn't work and I don't want to get hurt" I begged her. "You are 14 now honey, there are no monsters, it's only darkness. Nothing will happen." She said with a reassuring smile. "You promise mom? Could you atleast stay in the door?" "Yes honey of course, but you must be brave, darkness can be scary but it's all in your head, remember that." I took a deep breath and opened the old door that let out a slow grating noise. The worn steps creaked with each of my steps like a dying animal. "Turn on your lantern sweetheart, you will fall otherwise" Said my mom standing in the land monsters couldn't reach. I obeyed, a ray of light illuminated the last step, a cockroach was walking on it. My first enemy, I could feel my heart throbbing rapidly, the disgusting anatomy and the swaying motion of its antennaes sent chills down my spine. I remembered the courage that Anna Frank had, this was nothing compared to what she went through. I raised my foot and stomped my repulsive foe, I heard a cracking noise and a small river of white blood contamined the bottom slippers. I let out a sigh of relief. "You doing great honey, I think the diary is on a grey bag in the center." Said my mom, her voice sounded distant now. After finally making through the steps I landed on the cold, humid ground. I could hear the giggles of the monsters hidding in the absolute darkness of this place. "Mom, I hear them, please come and get me out of here." I said, crying. "Honey, in your hand you have their weakness, light. They can't touch you." She yelled, her soft voice always calmed me down. I wiped off the streams of tears moistening my face and pointed the light of my lantern frantically across the basement, I heard the monsters agonizing in pain and creeping away. Suddenly, while I was moving my weapon I saw the grey bag laying in the center, the path in front of me was clear, I closed my eyes, pointed my beam of fire forward and I ran straight to it. I opened my eyes and took many deep breaths trying to recover my composture, I meticulously checked that no monster where nearby and opened the dusty bag, my fingers filled with grease as I revolved through the different books inside. A feeling of nostalgia invaded me when I found it, to my surprise it was dapper, not a single trace of dust or grease over it's leather cover. Something felt off. I forgot about my monsters for a moment and sat down in a box, my right hand held the lantern high pointing to my diary while my left hand held it and opened it carefully, I remembered only writing one page about my last day in school. First, joy warmed my body like hot tea coming down my throath as I read the stupid thing I wrote on the first page but as I swiftly turned the page a dreadful feeling obliterated my hapiness. It was written, every page, with my exact same hand writing. Abruptly, I heard the monsters crawling towards me. I quickly turned to the last page and I read it: "Amelia, if you are reading this, you are ready to help us. Tomorrow, everything will change." My lantern slipped from my trembling hand shattering into countless pieces against the ground, darkness filled the place, I could feel them smelling me and whispering horrible things. I closed my eyes and tried to scream but nothing came out of my mouth, my heart could barely hold the adrenaline that my body was releasing. Suddenly, I felt two hands grabbing my ankles. I fainted. Nothing was the same when I woke up. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If you enjoyed it please check: /r/chasisoxidado for more!
[WP] A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they're all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.	Why? If you asked me how I first met the Deadly Seven, I wouldn't quite remember each introduction. I know it involved an old, old house that had seen brighter days long ago. I had, too. I can tell you why. The day I lugged my cardboard boxes into that rickety shed of a house was the darkest point in my life. I had no hope. no drive, no desires. The time passed, and I spent every day ruminating about my failures: what had gone wrong, what I could have done better, how terrible a human being I was, how the world would be better off if I had the courage to lift my weapon the few feet it took to put the barrel to my temple. And then one night, I saw her. She was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen in all my life, and yet it did not occur to me that such beauty did not belong in the shack I called home. She laid her hands on my shoulders and kissed my forehead. "You are better than them," she whispered in my ear. All thoughts of my death were forgotten as I looked her in the eye and saw myself as she saw me: a handsome young man in the prime of his life, against whom the world had conspired. She smiled at me and put a soft hand on my cheek. "Get up and prove it!" In the days to follow, I met her brothers and sisters. Demons, they were called. To my mind, however, they were saving graces. What would I have done without them? Her brother helped me acquire a job and clothes, all the comforts one could possibly want, and objects beyond that. Her other brother, as large and bovine as he was, helped me enjoy life again! I had an appetite! I enjoyed the flavors on my tongue and the feeling of food sliding down my throat! Her sister, so alike in appearance but different in her advice, helped me to see what I liked and disliked in others. Her hand, so lovingly placed on mine, guided it so that I could finally have what I saw others possess without toil and what I had always worked so hard for: respect, admiration, a car that didn't break down every two months. Their good brother helped me keep what is mine. So long, I had let others do what they wanted, but now! Now I had him at my ear, saying, "That's not fair!" or "That brown-noser deserves to go down." With their help, I moved up in my company at a pace that was blindingly fast to my coworkers. And when I thought I had it all, their next sibling sidled up to me and asked if I'd like a companion. This demon was actually an old friend, from before the house. When I was at my lowest, I had lost interest in all desires like food or sex. With my new companions, I could see now what made life worth living. I met a lady or two (or three), and though they were nice, with each person, I experimented and grew closer to discovering what I wanted in a partner. Maybe this is what I was missing all those years ago. When that happy demon family was firmly integrated into my life, and I worked hard and renovated that house to make it beautiful for all of us, I had the last sibling at the end of every day telling me to rest, to be content; there would be work enough for all of tomorrow's tomorrows. So at the end of the long work day, I sat on the couch with my demons and basked in their friendship. Eventually, the day came when I had to move on. I asked my friends if they were ultimately confined to the house. The oldest, the first one who had approached me, put her hand once again on my cheek. "As long as you will have us, we will be with you. And even when you're done with us, we'll be waiting until you want us again." Did she know what comfort that gave me? Did she know how warm I felt, knowing I would always have them to fall back on? I think she did. As she said, even when I thought I was done with them, they were waiting for me. Surrounded as I am by my second wife and many children and grandchildren, perhaps by obligation moreso than love, I can feel them waiting for me. I can feel myself yearning to go home. So that's why. That's why I cringe here before you. You, who call yourselves "The Virtues." Whatever did diligence, chastity, patience, kindness, temperance, charity or humility do for me? You tell me you were with me, you tell me I had only to seek you! You look at me with pity, but I have lived with these demons, and they alone will be with me for the rest of eternity.	Everyone claimed it was the best rehibilitation home. But I couldn't help shake the feeling that something was off. After all they only wanted 200$ a month and it was located in Vancouver. Another issue I had raised to my friends was if you looked at their web site it felt like nothing more than a short roommate wanted add. I mean ignoring the first paragraph, it totally is one. House of sins was established in 1983 in order to help people in the Vancouver region who are recovering from drug abuse or .... It was funded by the Canadian government untill the late 2009. The house is now operated independently by it's staff. We're looking for a single person who wants to better them selves. The cost is 200$ a month with food, board and utilities included. You will share a washroom with one other person. Please email use at the below address if you have any questions or are interested. Houseof7in@gmail.com I had sent an email and been accepted with a short "Please note, rent is due at the first of every month." Ya rent, not treatment fee or anything like that, rent. The bus announces the stop and I get off. Looking around for 2537. I'm at 2500. I start peering at the mailboxes a little down the road. I give up after a moment and decided it will be faster to walk to the next set to determine which way the numbers go. They went down. A few minutes later and the walk that Google said would take 5 min has probably taken 10. 2536. Arg I'm on the wrong side of the street. I look both ways and wait for a small white car to role by before crossing the street. The emense wall of green hedge that srounds the house towers above me. Pushing open a small iron gate there is a short pathway to a large porch and the front door. The cleshei rocking chair, and the couch both look like this from the 80's, well used and broken in. All three of the wooden steps up to the porch creak. I groan internally, you get what you pay for I guess. I put my stuff down on the deck and look for a door bell. The closest thing I can find is a handle connected to a bell sevral feet above me with a do not use sign written on a Post-It note masking tapped bellow it. Well I guess I will knock. Just as I go to do so the door is opened by a well kept man in what I would describe as a suit that was too fancy to be answering the door in. Behind him was an average looking girl in a grey hoodie and short shorts. Done for now... Will pick it up later.
[WP] A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they're all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.	"Come on Eric, you really need to eat something. I know you don't want to, but that hunger pain in your gut isn't going to go away on its own", said Gluttony. "Nobody is judging you Eric. Besides, caring what other people think of you is fruitless. The trick is learning to love yourself the way you are", said Sloth. "You can be just as happy as the couple in this movie, Eric. When you're ready and the timing is right, you will find love too", said Lust. "Sure this house isn't the nicest place, but things will get better at work and you'll be able to live where you want to", said Greed. "Stop beating yourself up. Depression is painful but it doesn't mean you're weak. It's a long fight and you'll lose some battles, but you can win the war if you keep fighting", said Wrath. "You aren't the only one who struggling with this. Even though they have the fancy car, nice job, and big family they feel the same way sometimes. Everyone faces the darkness at some point", said Envy "You just don't understand!" said Eric, "I'm fucking cursed. Nothing takes away the pain, nothing fills the emptiness, nothing makes me feel...anything! It's like being stuck in an endless cycling void that keeps getting darker and colder and none of you bastards knows what that's like. Just shut up and leave me alone!" "We do know Eric", said Pride. "We know what it's like to be trapped, stuck in the darkness with our pain forever. That's what being a ghost is. Each of us has become that pain that plagued us in life. We want to help you, to keep you from becoming one of us. But we can't force that to happen. The first thing that you have to do is accept that this is your burden. No it isn't fair, but it's your's nonetheless." "Fine! I accept it! I'm fucking cursed, didn't you hear me?!" "Good. Now let us teach you how to deal with curses."	Everyone claimed it was the best rehibilitation home. But I couldn't help shake the feeling that something was off. After all they only wanted 200$ a month and it was located in Vancouver. Another issue I had raised to my friends was if you looked at their web site it felt like nothing more than a short roommate wanted add. I mean ignoring the first paragraph, it totally is one. House of sins was established in 1983 in order to help people in the Vancouver region who are recovering from drug abuse or .... It was funded by the Canadian government untill the late 2009. The house is now operated independently by it's staff. We're looking for a single person who wants to better them selves. The cost is 200$ a month with food, board and utilities included. You will share a washroom with one other person. Please email use at the below address if you have any questions or are interested. Houseof7in@gmail.com I had sent an email and been accepted with a short "Please note, rent is due at the first of every month." Ya rent, not treatment fee or anything like that, rent. The bus announces the stop and I get off. Looking around for 2537. I'm at 2500. I start peering at the mailboxes a little down the road. I give up after a moment and decided it will be faster to walk to the next set to determine which way the numbers go. They went down. A few minutes later and the walk that Google said would take 5 min has probably taken 10. 2536. Arg I'm on the wrong side of the street. I look both ways and wait for a small white car to role by before crossing the street. The emense wall of green hedge that srounds the house towers above me. Pushing open a small iron gate there is a short pathway to a large porch and the front door. The cleshei rocking chair, and the couch both look like this from the 80's, well used and broken in. All three of the wooden steps up to the porch creak. I groan internally, you get what you pay for I guess. I put my stuff down on the deck and look for a door bell. The closest thing I can find is a handle connected to a bell sevral feet above me with a do not use sign written on a Post-It note masking tapped bellow it. Well I guess I will knock. Just as I go to do so the door is opened by a well kept man in what I would describe as a suit that was too fancy to be answering the door in. Behind him was an average looking girl in a grey hoodie and short shorts. Done for now... Will pick it up later.
[WP] A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they're all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.	Nobody likes moving house. It's tedious, a boring chore that everybody seems to go through at least once in their life. Some celebrate the change, others loathe the change, but nobody enjoys the moving. I didn't enjoy the move either, but that doesn't surprise me. I don't enjoy much of anything. I don't dislike much either. Mostly life just passes me by. I'm a passenger in my own vehicle, always staring out of the window but never taking the wheel. Until I moved. Who knew that a few old demons, far beyond their prime and banished to the realm of superstition, could do that which the medicine could not? Ancient beings succeeding where modern practice failed. It started with Sloth. Ambivalence was old hat to me, I had known weeks to flash before my eyes as I passed through them in a daze, rarely leaving my bed even to use the bathroom. That's what got me kicked out, the reason I moved into this house. My sister finally gave up. She spent so long trying, and failing, to push me into the outside world, but I would not leave. I was a bird happy to stay in my nest. So they took away my nest and told me to learn to fly. I thought it was a side effect of the new prescription at first. I'd hear a voice telling me to move, to get up, to do something, anything. He'd stand there, berating me for being so lazy, such a waste of potential. "There is only a time to relax when you have a reason to act." I had finally snapped, I was hearing the voices, soon I'd be in a padded cell wearing a hug-jacket and sipping opiates out of a toddler's cup. Then it hit me. Well... he hit me. It's hard to tell yourself something isn't real when it breaks your nose. He started with teaching me how to truly enjoy my time doing nothing. Which is to say, he found tasks for me to do. I discovered a world I had never known existed, a world of autonomy, where I made the decision to act, not for my sister, not for my doctor, not even for Sloth. For myself. From that new world, my old world evolved. Sitting on the sofa, watching the clock tick by and dreaming of a world in which I mattered, transformed into sweet relief. Release from the satisfying aches and pains, both physical and mental, which signified a productive day. Watching television became a luxury, the time I had for it growing ever shorter, the shows I watched becoming that much more intense as I had to pick only that which I truly wanted to watch. Under Sloth I became active, but Gluttony was the first to help me channel my newfound lease on life. She gave me a cookbook on our first meeting, 'Simple Meals For The Single Man'. Simple though the meals may have been, learning to cook was not. I've lost count of the times I've failed to create a palatable dish. Countless plates have been hurled, inedible failure and all, at my critical sous chef. She was always bitter to see food go wasted by my lack of talents, and always free to inform me of my culinary sins. Time and practice make perfect though. Her criticisms slowly morphed into grudging compliments, then into showers of praise. Now I can barely cook enough to satisfy her. Envy came to me next. He pointed to the other men in the neighborhood, focusing on the perfection of their physical form. The sculpted muscles, the perfect haircuts, the whitest smiles. All of it could be mine, he would say, if I wished it so. He taught me how to take care of myself, to turn my desires into reality. I stopped wishing I was others, and became that which others wished to be. Soon I was at my peak, I had become all that I could physically be. But I was still weak in my mind. I had no confidence, no belief in my self. And then there was Pride. Pride was exactly as you would expect. He bowed to no other, he respected only those who earned his respect, and he made those who did not earn it crave it even more. He was the lion in the savannah of my home. I clashed with him often at first, he looked down on me like trash, and in my mind I was living with my sister again. I lowered my head every time. Afraid that I would anger him, that by refusing to bow before him he would spare me no shame. One day I could stand no more, he called me scum and I shook with rage, fury flowing through my soul. The fires of hell were burning in my eyes, and my blood screamed through my veins. As Sloth bloodied my nose, so I bloodied Pride's. That was the first time Wrath made herself known to me, and the first time Pride looked upon me with respect. The two of them became my closest companions for a time, they helped me become strong of soul, not just of body. To bend with force, but to never break. While Pride showed me what I should stand for, Wrath showed me how to fight for it. She beat her lessons into me, every bruise a new skill learned. Every broken bone was to be worn with pride, for she only broke me when she was beaten. I became stronger under her by learning how to use the strength I had, how to unleash my anger and channel my rage. It was never enough to merely beat an enemy, they must be taught to never again challenge my authority. Lust showed me how to love another. She was there on every first date, hiding from all but me, whispers of encouragement falling from her soft lips, caressing my ears with a sensual touch. She taught me how to take that feeling, and how to share it with another, to revel in the sensations that mere words could invoke. Reveling in the sensation of words turned into reveling in the sensations of flesh. The rolling of hips, the ghostly touch of a woman's breath in my ear, the throes of pleasure. All these, and more, became mine to experience. And when I had learned how to love the body of another, I came to understand how to love the soul of another. When Greed finally came to me years had passed. I was no longer the shell of man that I had been, I was the best I could be, I had become all that I could ever desire to be and more. So I turned him away. He had no more to offer me than that which was already within my grasp. Nobody likes moving house, but I'm glad I did. Thanks for reading if you made it this far. This is actually the first piece I've written in about five years and I did it all in one shot, so I apologise if it seems a bit inconsistent! Please feel free to leave any criticism below, and be as brutal as possible on what I can do better.	Everyone claimed it was the best rehibilitation home. But I couldn't help shake the feeling that something was off. After all they only wanted 200$ a month and it was located in Vancouver. Another issue I had raised to my friends was if you looked at their web site it felt like nothing more than a short roommate wanted add. I mean ignoring the first paragraph, it totally is one. House of sins was established in 1983 in order to help people in the Vancouver region who are recovering from drug abuse or .... It was funded by the Canadian government untill the late 2009. The house is now operated independently by it's staff. We're looking for a single person who wants to better them selves. The cost is 200$ a month with food, board and utilities included. You will share a washroom with one other person. Please email use at the below address if you have any questions or are interested. Houseof7in@gmail.com I had sent an email and been accepted with a short "Please note, rent is due at the first of every month." Ya rent, not treatment fee or anything like that, rent. The bus announces the stop and I get off. Looking around for 2537. I'm at 2500. I start peering at the mailboxes a little down the road. I give up after a moment and decided it will be faster to walk to the next set to determine which way the numbers go. They went down. A few minutes later and the walk that Google said would take 5 min has probably taken 10. 2536. Arg I'm on the wrong side of the street. I look both ways and wait for a small white car to role by before crossing the street. The emense wall of green hedge that srounds the house towers above me. Pushing open a small iron gate there is a short pathway to a large porch and the front door. The cleshei rocking chair, and the couch both look like this from the 80's, well used and broken in. All three of the wooden steps up to the porch creak. I groan internally, you get what you pay for I guess. I put my stuff down on the deck and look for a door bell. The closest thing I can find is a handle connected to a bell sevral feet above me with a do not use sign written on a Post-It note masking tapped bellow it. Well I guess I will knock. Just as I go to do so the door is opened by a well kept man in what I would describe as a suit that was too fancy to be answering the door in. Behind him was an average looking girl in a grey hoodie and short shorts. Done for now... Will pick it up later.
[WP] A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they're all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.	Why? If you asked me how I first met the Deadly Seven, I wouldn't quite remember each introduction. I know it involved an old, old house that had seen brighter days long ago. I had, too. I can tell you why. The day I lugged my cardboard boxes into that rickety shed of a house was the darkest point in my life. I had no hope. no drive, no desires. The time passed, and I spent every day ruminating about my failures: what had gone wrong, what I could have done better, how terrible a human being I was, how the world would be better off if I had the courage to lift my weapon the few feet it took to put the barrel to my temple. And then one night, I saw her. She was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen in all my life, and yet it did not occur to me that such beauty did not belong in the shack I called home. She laid her hands on my shoulders and kissed my forehead. "You are better than them," she whispered in my ear. All thoughts of my death were forgotten as I looked her in the eye and saw myself as she saw me: a handsome young man in the prime of his life, against whom the world had conspired. She smiled at me and put a soft hand on my cheek. "Get up and prove it!" In the days to follow, I met her brothers and sisters. Demons, they were called. To my mind, however, they were saving graces. What would I have done without them? Her brother helped me acquire a job and clothes, all the comforts one could possibly want, and objects beyond that. Her other brother, as large and bovine as he was, helped me enjoy life again! I had an appetite! I enjoyed the flavors on my tongue and the feeling of food sliding down my throat! Her sister, so alike in appearance but different in her advice, helped me to see what I liked and disliked in others. Her hand, so lovingly placed on mine, guided it so that I could finally have what I saw others possess without toil and what I had always worked so hard for: respect, admiration, a car that didn't break down every two months. Their good brother helped me keep what is mine. So long, I had let others do what they wanted, but now! Now I had him at my ear, saying, "That's not fair!" or "That brown-noser deserves to go down." With their help, I moved up in my company at a pace that was blindingly fast to my coworkers. And when I thought I had it all, their next sibling sidled up to me and asked if I'd like a companion. This demon was actually an old friend, from before the house. When I was at my lowest, I had lost interest in all desires like food or sex. With my new companions, I could see now what made life worth living. I met a lady or two (or three), and though they were nice, with each person, I experimented and grew closer to discovering what I wanted in a partner. Maybe this is what I was missing all those years ago. When that happy demon family was firmly integrated into my life, and I worked hard and renovated that house to make it beautiful for all of us, I had the last sibling at the end of every day telling me to rest, to be content; there would be work enough for all of tomorrow's tomorrows. So at the end of the long work day, I sat on the couch with my demons and basked in their friendship. Eventually, the day came when I had to move on. I asked my friends if they were ultimately confined to the house. The oldest, the first one who had approached me, put her hand once again on my cheek. "As long as you will have us, we will be with you. And even when you're done with us, we'll be waiting until you want us again." Did she know what comfort that gave me? Did she know how warm I felt, knowing I would always have them to fall back on? I think she did. As she said, even when I thought I was done with them, they were waiting for me. Surrounded as I am by my second wife and many children and grandchildren, perhaps by obligation moreso than love, I can feel them waiting for me. I can feel myself yearning to go home. So that's why. That's why I cringe here before you. You, who call yourselves "The Virtues." Whatever did diligence, chastity, patience, kindness, temperance, charity or humility do for me? You tell me you were with me, you tell me I had only to seek you! You look at me with pity, but I have lived with these demons, and they alone will be with me for the rest of eternity.	"Why would the seven deadly sins give a shit about me? You all are cosmic beings, a higher level of existence that any human; I'm just Jeff, some guy who fails to keep his shit together. There's got to be better things to do with your time than to waste it on me." I sit on the sofa, surrounded by 7 incorporeal beings. Each seemingly human, just with one exaggerated feature or characteristic. Wrath stands tall and mean, a scowl permanently glued to his face, like you would expect a drill sergeant to hold himself when addressing his inferiors. Sloth sits to my left, in nothing but boxers and a cheeto-stained wife beater, which does little to cover his protruding pot belly. Sitting on my other side is Lust, an androgynous looking being who really likes to sit right up next to me and keep his/her arm around me. Greed has taken the recliner, seeing that as the most comfortable and valued spot in the room (and he's not wrong, that thing can make anyone feel like a king on his throne). Envy leans against a wall, silently eyeing the recliner and sofa, wishing there was room for her to seat herself in. Her deep green eyes scanning back and forth, an I can feel her piercing gaze when she focuses on me, or more specifically my spot on the couch. Gluttony eyes us from the kitchen, the slender figure busy snacking on whatever munchies he can find. He doesn't need to eat at all, and it seems impossible for his non-physical form to take in food, but I suspect through sheer willpower alone he is able to consume everything that passes his gullet. Pride stands in the center of the room, sharply dressed, having moved the coffee table to the side to make way for her "stage". She is the next to speak. "You misunderstand how we exist. We are not beings of singular form; we exist everywhere there is life. The apparitions you see before you are simply extensions of our existence, much akin to the relationship between your finger and your body. We exist always and everywhere, so there is no waste here, just an attraction to one who contains such a strong concentration of each of us." "How does that work? Wouldn't Sloth on its own take away from the intensity of other sins?" I ask in return, trying to delicately remove Lust's hand from trying to brush against my hair. To my surprise, a deep "Nope" comes from my left, causing me to stare befuddled at him. Until this very moment, I never saw him move anything, not even his eyes, so to hear his voice caught me of guard. A timid voice continued, "What our sparsely worded friend means is that we are all independent entities, and exist in our own realms. Sometimes we are able to influence and heighten another emotion, but never can we weaken them or draw their power to increase our own." A small smile spread across Envy's face, happy to have everyone's attention, even if for a brief moment. "That's right", gruffed the buzzcut, towering, intimidating Wrath. "Sloth is just the most obvious because you don't move your ass unless you want to eat or shit or fiddle yourself. We all know how much you gorge yourself mindlessly watching TV as you sit so long on that damn couch that I swear you're going to be part of the furniture yourself. You see all these people on the news and on your shows who have it better than you; people who come out on top, through either luck or hard effort, and you can't help but feel envy for their fulfillment and worry-free futures." "Your greed comes your want to fill that gaping hole in your soul; most people go out and accomplish things and make something out of their life, but you want without wanting to expend effort. You just sit there, filling that void with whatever is easiest for you to obtain, whether it be porn or food or TV." "Your pride kicks in when you realize how much you could accomplish in life if you put forth the effort and dedication. You know you can do so much more than what your pathetic life would leave you to believe." "And that's where wrath kicks in. Wrath is that internally focused hatred for yourself. It's that self-degrading feeling you get when you look at yourself and see what you are versus what you wanted to be. And instead of gripping it tight and using it to push yourself out the door and into the world, you just let it fester and grow as you do nothing to abate it." Wrath finished with a solid stamp of his foot, as he reasserted his posture. A soft, inviting voice enters my right ear as Lust speaks in a whisper that somehow fills the room. "And it's such a shame dear. You could be so much more if you only got into the habit of trying. You don't even have to be the best to be happy and fulfilled. Confidence is always an alluring trait, but you can't be confident when you don't try at anything." I sit for a moment, considering what they say, and have no rebuttal. Nothing I could say would lessen their stated truth about me; they are the personifications of their emotion, they would know best. "So why do you all want me to do better? Why would you all spend time to lessen your collective grips on me when I would assume I make you more powerful?" Greed steps in "It does not matter how much a single person contains any of us; we exist everywhere. We have claimed every man's heart, as well as every other living creature. It does not matter if you fervently pursue your desires or be engulfed in your rage, we will still always be just as powerful as always." Gluttony continues for him, "We exist always and will always be a motivating force, but we are not inherently bad. We do not indulge in downfall, because quite honestly it leaves a bitter taste in our mouth." He takes a bite and chews for effect, swallowing with a speed that would make a competitive eater jealous. "It's so much better when we're used to achieve great things. It's similar to how the old gods would request only the best tributes of food and wine, but we are always there reaping the tributes in your daily life. When you eat a succulent meal you've made through your own effort, that in turn is an "offering" to Pride and I. When you go for a run to workout, pushing past the pain and self-hatred, Wrath takes a special compliment to being used for constructive means. Sloth gets to partake in your well-earned rest afterwards, letting your muscles and joints recover." Pride takes center stage once again. "We are not here to bring humanity down, because we would admittedly be lesser without them. We value you as being and wish for you to flourish, so we can in turn grow with your species. We are much more than sin; we are part of life, we just nurture in unconventional means. When we drive you to do better and achieve more, we take satisfaction in being an underlying force." "So then we're like your children?" I ask, trying to wrap my head around an evil existing to fuel accomplishment and advancement. "It's not that simple. It's like a mix of livestock and children. We want to exist just like the rest of creation, but we the way we enjoy our existence is through you all. Animals give a consistent stream of entertainment, but never as fun as humans provide." Envy takes a seat on the floor after finishing, seemingly satisfied with being the only one to do so, her eyes still occasionally jumping between those of us seated. "So there it is. We want you to use us to for greater purposes, because frankly you're wasting our gifts. So starting today, we're going to show you how to take control of your baser feelings and desires, so you be something that revels in success, not stews in self-hatred. So what do you say? Do you want to be happy for once and be able to live with your existence?"
[WP] A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they're all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.	"Come on Eric, you really need to eat something. I know you don't want to, but that hunger pain in your gut isn't going to go away on its own", said Gluttony. "Nobody is judging you Eric. Besides, caring what other people think of you is fruitless. The trick is learning to love yourself the way you are", said Sloth. "You can be just as happy as the couple in this movie, Eric. When you're ready and the timing is right, you will find love too", said Lust. "Sure this house isn't the nicest place, but things will get better at work and you'll be able to live where you want to", said Greed. "Stop beating yourself up. Depression is painful but it doesn't mean you're weak. It's a long fight and you'll lose some battles, but you can win the war if you keep fighting", said Wrath. "You aren't the only one who struggling with this. Even though they have the fancy car, nice job, and big family they feel the same way sometimes. Everyone faces the darkness at some point", said Envy "You just don't understand!" said Eric, "I'm fucking cursed. Nothing takes away the pain, nothing fills the emptiness, nothing makes me feel...anything! It's like being stuck in an endless cycling void that keeps getting darker and colder and none of you bastards knows what that's like. Just shut up and leave me alone!" "We do know Eric", said Pride. "We know what it's like to be trapped, stuck in the darkness with our pain forever. That's what being a ghost is. Each of us has become that pain that plagued us in life. We want to help you, to keep you from becoming one of us. But we can't force that to happen. The first thing that you have to do is accept that this is your burden. No it isn't fair, but it's your's nonetheless." "Fine! I accept it! I'm fucking cursed, didn't you hear me?!" "Good. Now let us teach you how to deal with curses."	"Why would the seven deadly sins give a shit about me? You all are cosmic beings, a higher level of existence that any human; I'm just Jeff, some guy who fails to keep his shit together. There's got to be better things to do with your time than to waste it on me." I sit on the sofa, surrounded by 7 incorporeal beings. Each seemingly human, just with one exaggerated feature or characteristic. Wrath stands tall and mean, a scowl permanently glued to his face, like you would expect a drill sergeant to hold himself when addressing his inferiors. Sloth sits to my left, in nothing but boxers and a cheeto-stained wife beater, which does little to cover his protruding pot belly. Sitting on my other side is Lust, an androgynous looking being who really likes to sit right up next to me and keep his/her arm around me. Greed has taken the recliner, seeing that as the most comfortable and valued spot in the room (and he's not wrong, that thing can make anyone feel like a king on his throne). Envy leans against a wall, silently eyeing the recliner and sofa, wishing there was room for her to seat herself in. Her deep green eyes scanning back and forth, an I can feel her piercing gaze when she focuses on me, or more specifically my spot on the couch. Gluttony eyes us from the kitchen, the slender figure busy snacking on whatever munchies he can find. He doesn't need to eat at all, and it seems impossible for his non-physical form to take in food, but I suspect through sheer willpower alone he is able to consume everything that passes his gullet. Pride stands in the center of the room, sharply dressed, having moved the coffee table to the side to make way for her "stage". She is the next to speak. "You misunderstand how we exist. We are not beings of singular form; we exist everywhere there is life. The apparitions you see before you are simply extensions of our existence, much akin to the relationship between your finger and your body. We exist always and everywhere, so there is no waste here, just an attraction to one who contains such a strong concentration of each of us." "How does that work? Wouldn't Sloth on its own take away from the intensity of other sins?" I ask in return, trying to delicately remove Lust's hand from trying to brush against my hair. To my surprise, a deep "Nope" comes from my left, causing me to stare befuddled at him. Until this very moment, I never saw him move anything, not even his eyes, so to hear his voice caught me of guard. A timid voice continued, "What our sparsely worded friend means is that we are all independent entities, and exist in our own realms. Sometimes we are able to influence and heighten another emotion, but never can we weaken them or draw their power to increase our own." A small smile spread across Envy's face, happy to have everyone's attention, even if for a brief moment. "That's right", gruffed the buzzcut, towering, intimidating Wrath. "Sloth is just the most obvious because you don't move your ass unless you want to eat or shit or fiddle yourself. We all know how much you gorge yourself mindlessly watching TV as you sit so long on that damn couch that I swear you're going to be part of the furniture yourself. You see all these people on the news and on your shows who have it better than you; people who come out on top, through either luck or hard effort, and you can't help but feel envy for their fulfillment and worry-free futures." "Your greed comes your want to fill that gaping hole in your soul; most people go out and accomplish things and make something out of their life, but you want without wanting to expend effort. You just sit there, filling that void with whatever is easiest for you to obtain, whether it be porn or food or TV." "Your pride kicks in when you realize how much you could accomplish in life if you put forth the effort and dedication. You know you can do so much more than what your pathetic life would leave you to believe." "And that's where wrath kicks in. Wrath is that internally focused hatred for yourself. It's that self-degrading feeling you get when you look at yourself and see what you are versus what you wanted to be. And instead of gripping it tight and using it to push yourself out the door and into the world, you just let it fester and grow as you do nothing to abate it." Wrath finished with a solid stamp of his foot, as he reasserted his posture. A soft, inviting voice enters my right ear as Lust speaks in a whisper that somehow fills the room. "And it's such a shame dear. You could be so much more if you only got into the habit of trying. You don't even have to be the best to be happy and fulfilled. Confidence is always an alluring trait, but you can't be confident when you don't try at anything." I sit for a moment, considering what they say, and have no rebuttal. Nothing I could say would lessen their stated truth about me; they are the personifications of their emotion, they would know best. "So why do you all want me to do better? Why would you all spend time to lessen your collective grips on me when I would assume I make you more powerful?" Greed steps in "It does not matter how much a single person contains any of us; we exist everywhere. We have claimed every man's heart, as well as every other living creature. It does not matter if you fervently pursue your desires or be engulfed in your rage, we will still always be just as powerful as always." Gluttony continues for him, "We exist always and will always be a motivating force, but we are not inherently bad. We do not indulge in downfall, because quite honestly it leaves a bitter taste in our mouth." He takes a bite and chews for effect, swallowing with a speed that would make a competitive eater jealous. "It's so much better when we're used to achieve great things. It's similar to how the old gods would request only the best tributes of food and wine, but we are always there reaping the tributes in your daily life. When you eat a succulent meal you've made through your own effort, that in turn is an "offering" to Pride and I. When you go for a run to workout, pushing past the pain and self-hatred, Wrath takes a special compliment to being used for constructive means. Sloth gets to partake in your well-earned rest afterwards, letting your muscles and joints recover." Pride takes center stage once again. "We are not here to bring humanity down, because we would admittedly be lesser without them. We value you as being and wish for you to flourish, so we can in turn grow with your species. We are much more than sin; we are part of life, we just nurture in unconventional means. When we drive you to do better and achieve more, we take satisfaction in being an underlying force." "So then we're like your children?" I ask, trying to wrap my head around an evil existing to fuel accomplishment and advancement. "It's not that simple. It's like a mix of livestock and children. We want to exist just like the rest of creation, but we the way we enjoy our existence is through you all. Animals give a consistent stream of entertainment, but never as fun as humans provide." Envy takes a seat on the floor after finishing, seemingly satisfied with being the only one to do so, her eyes still occasionally jumping between those of us seated. "So there it is. We want you to use us to for greater purposes, because frankly you're wasting our gifts. So starting today, we're going to show you how to take control of your baser feelings and desires, so you be something that revels in success, not stews in self-hatred. So what do you say? Do you want to be happy for once and be able to live with your existence?"
[WP] A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they're all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.	Nobody likes moving house. It's tedious, a boring chore that everybody seems to go through at least once in their life. Some celebrate the change, others loathe the change, but nobody enjoys the moving. I didn't enjoy the move either, but that doesn't surprise me. I don't enjoy much of anything. I don't dislike much either. Mostly life just passes me by. I'm a passenger in my own vehicle, always staring out of the window but never taking the wheel. Until I moved. Who knew that a few old demons, far beyond their prime and banished to the realm of superstition, could do that which the medicine could not? Ancient beings succeeding where modern practice failed. It started with Sloth. Ambivalence was old hat to me, I had known weeks to flash before my eyes as I passed through them in a daze, rarely leaving my bed even to use the bathroom. That's what got me kicked out, the reason I moved into this house. My sister finally gave up. She spent so long trying, and failing, to push me into the outside world, but I would not leave. I was a bird happy to stay in my nest. So they took away my nest and told me to learn to fly. I thought it was a side effect of the new prescription at first. I'd hear a voice telling me to move, to get up, to do something, anything. He'd stand there, berating me for being so lazy, such a waste of potential. "There is only a time to relax when you have a reason to act." I had finally snapped, I was hearing the voices, soon I'd be in a padded cell wearing a hug-jacket and sipping opiates out of a toddler's cup. Then it hit me. Well... he hit me. It's hard to tell yourself something isn't real when it breaks your nose. He started with teaching me how to truly enjoy my time doing nothing. Which is to say, he found tasks for me to do. I discovered a world I had never known existed, a world of autonomy, where I made the decision to act, not for my sister, not for my doctor, not even for Sloth. For myself. From that new world, my old world evolved. Sitting on the sofa, watching the clock tick by and dreaming of a world in which I mattered, transformed into sweet relief. Release from the satisfying aches and pains, both physical and mental, which signified a productive day. Watching television became a luxury, the time I had for it growing ever shorter, the shows I watched becoming that much more intense as I had to pick only that which I truly wanted to watch. Under Sloth I became active, but Gluttony was the first to help me channel my newfound lease on life. She gave me a cookbook on our first meeting, 'Simple Meals For The Single Man'. Simple though the meals may have been, learning to cook was not. I've lost count of the times I've failed to create a palatable dish. Countless plates have been hurled, inedible failure and all, at my critical sous chef. She was always bitter to see food go wasted by my lack of talents, and always free to inform me of my culinary sins. Time and practice make perfect though. Her criticisms slowly morphed into grudging compliments, then into showers of praise. Now I can barely cook enough to satisfy her. Envy came to me next. He pointed to the other men in the neighborhood, focusing on the perfection of their physical form. The sculpted muscles, the perfect haircuts, the whitest smiles. All of it could be mine, he would say, if I wished it so. He taught me how to take care of myself, to turn my desires into reality. I stopped wishing I was others, and became that which others wished to be. Soon I was at my peak, I had become all that I could physically be. But I was still weak in my mind. I had no confidence, no belief in my self. And then there was Pride. Pride was exactly as you would expect. He bowed to no other, he respected only those who earned his respect, and he made those who did not earn it crave it even more. He was the lion in the savannah of my home. I clashed with him often at first, he looked down on me like trash, and in my mind I was living with my sister again. I lowered my head every time. Afraid that I would anger him, that by refusing to bow before him he would spare me no shame. One day I could stand no more, he called me scum and I shook with rage, fury flowing through my soul. The fires of hell were burning in my eyes, and my blood screamed through my veins. As Sloth bloodied my nose, so I bloodied Pride's. That was the first time Wrath made herself known to me, and the first time Pride looked upon me with respect. The two of them became my closest companions for a time, they helped me become strong of soul, not just of body. To bend with force, but to never break. While Pride showed me what I should stand for, Wrath showed me how to fight for it. She beat her lessons into me, every bruise a new skill learned. Every broken bone was to be worn with pride, for she only broke me when she was beaten. I became stronger under her by learning how to use the strength I had, how to unleash my anger and channel my rage. It was never enough to merely beat an enemy, they must be taught to never again challenge my authority. Lust showed me how to love another. She was there on every first date, hiding from all but me, whispers of encouragement falling from her soft lips, caressing my ears with a sensual touch. She taught me how to take that feeling, and how to share it with another, to revel in the sensations that mere words could invoke. Reveling in the sensation of words turned into reveling in the sensations of flesh. The rolling of hips, the ghostly touch of a woman's breath in my ear, the throes of pleasure. All these, and more, became mine to experience. And when I had learned how to love the body of another, I came to understand how to love the soul of another. When Greed finally came to me years had passed. I was no longer the shell of man that I had been, I was the best I could be, I had become all that I could ever desire to be and more. So I turned him away. He had no more to offer me than that which was already within my grasp. Nobody likes moving house, but I'm glad I did. Thanks for reading if you made it this far. This is actually the first piece I've written in about five years and I did it all in one shot, so I apologise if it seems a bit inconsistent! Please feel free to leave any criticism below, and be as brutal as possible on what I can do better.	"Why would the seven deadly sins give a shit about me? You all are cosmic beings, a higher level of existence that any human; I'm just Jeff, some guy who fails to keep his shit together. There's got to be better things to do with your time than to waste it on me." I sit on the sofa, surrounded by 7 incorporeal beings. Each seemingly human, just with one exaggerated feature or characteristic. Wrath stands tall and mean, a scowl permanently glued to his face, like you would expect a drill sergeant to hold himself when addressing his inferiors. Sloth sits to my left, in nothing but boxers and a cheeto-stained wife beater, which does little to cover his protruding pot belly. Sitting on my other side is Lust, an androgynous looking being who really likes to sit right up next to me and keep his/her arm around me. Greed has taken the recliner, seeing that as the most comfortable and valued spot in the room (and he's not wrong, that thing can make anyone feel like a king on his throne). Envy leans against a wall, silently eyeing the recliner and sofa, wishing there was room for her to seat herself in. Her deep green eyes scanning back and forth, an I can feel her piercing gaze when she focuses on me, or more specifically my spot on the couch. Gluttony eyes us from the kitchen, the slender figure busy snacking on whatever munchies he can find. He doesn't need to eat at all, and it seems impossible for his non-physical form to take in food, but I suspect through sheer willpower alone he is able to consume everything that passes his gullet. Pride stands in the center of the room, sharply dressed, having moved the coffee table to the side to make way for her "stage". She is the next to speak. "You misunderstand how we exist. We are not beings of singular form; we exist everywhere there is life. The apparitions you see before you are simply extensions of our existence, much akin to the relationship between your finger and your body. We exist always and everywhere, so there is no waste here, just an attraction to one who contains such a strong concentration of each of us." "How does that work? Wouldn't Sloth on its own take away from the intensity of other sins?" I ask in return, trying to delicately remove Lust's hand from trying to brush against my hair. To my surprise, a deep "Nope" comes from my left, causing me to stare befuddled at him. Until this very moment, I never saw him move anything, not even his eyes, so to hear his voice caught me of guard. A timid voice continued, "What our sparsely worded friend means is that we are all independent entities, and exist in our own realms. Sometimes we are able to influence and heighten another emotion, but never can we weaken them or draw their power to increase our own." A small smile spread across Envy's face, happy to have everyone's attention, even if for a brief moment. "That's right", gruffed the buzzcut, towering, intimidating Wrath. "Sloth is just the most obvious because you don't move your ass unless you want to eat or shit or fiddle yourself. We all know how much you gorge yourself mindlessly watching TV as you sit so long on that damn couch that I swear you're going to be part of the furniture yourself. You see all these people on the news and on your shows who have it better than you; people who come out on top, through either luck or hard effort, and you can't help but feel envy for their fulfillment and worry-free futures." "Your greed comes your want to fill that gaping hole in your soul; most people go out and accomplish things and make something out of their life, but you want without wanting to expend effort. You just sit there, filling that void with whatever is easiest for you to obtain, whether it be porn or food or TV." "Your pride kicks in when you realize how much you could accomplish in life if you put forth the effort and dedication. You know you can do so much more than what your pathetic life would leave you to believe." "And that's where wrath kicks in. Wrath is that internally focused hatred for yourself. It's that self-degrading feeling you get when you look at yourself and see what you are versus what you wanted to be. And instead of gripping it tight and using it to push yourself out the door and into the world, you just let it fester and grow as you do nothing to abate it." Wrath finished with a solid stamp of his foot, as he reasserted his posture. A soft, inviting voice enters my right ear as Lust speaks in a whisper that somehow fills the room. "And it's such a shame dear. You could be so much more if you only got into the habit of trying. You don't even have to be the best to be happy and fulfilled. Confidence is always an alluring trait, but you can't be confident when you don't try at anything." I sit for a moment, considering what they say, and have no rebuttal. Nothing I could say would lessen their stated truth about me; they are the personifications of their emotion, they would know best. "So why do you all want me to do better? Why would you all spend time to lessen your collective grips on me when I would assume I make you more powerful?" Greed steps in "It does not matter how much a single person contains any of us; we exist everywhere. We have claimed every man's heart, as well as every other living creature. It does not matter if you fervently pursue your desires or be engulfed in your rage, we will still always be just as powerful as always." Gluttony continues for him, "We exist always and will always be a motivating force, but we are not inherently bad. We do not indulge in downfall, because quite honestly it leaves a bitter taste in our mouth." He takes a bite and chews for effect, swallowing with a speed that would make a competitive eater jealous. "It's so much better when we're used to achieve great things. It's similar to how the old gods would request only the best tributes of food and wine, but we are always there reaping the tributes in your daily life. When you eat a succulent meal you've made through your own effort, that in turn is an "offering" to Pride and I. When you go for a run to workout, pushing past the pain and self-hatred, Wrath takes a special compliment to being used for constructive means. Sloth gets to partake in your well-earned rest afterwards, letting your muscles and joints recover." Pride takes center stage once again. "We are not here to bring humanity down, because we would admittedly be lesser without them. We value you as being and wish for you to flourish, so we can in turn grow with your species. We are much more than sin; we are part of life, we just nurture in unconventional means. When we drive you to do better and achieve more, we take satisfaction in being an underlying force." "So then we're like your children?" I ask, trying to wrap my head around an evil existing to fuel accomplishment and advancement. "It's not that simple. It's like a mix of livestock and children. We want to exist just like the rest of creation, but we the way we enjoy our existence is through you all. Animals give a consistent stream of entertainment, but never as fun as humans provide." Envy takes a seat on the floor after finishing, seemingly satisfied with being the only one to do so, her eyes still occasionally jumping between those of us seated. "So there it is. We want you to use us to for greater purposes, because frankly you're wasting our gifts. So starting today, we're going to show you how to take control of your baser feelings and desires, so you be something that revels in success, not stews in self-hatred. So what do you say? Do you want to be happy for once and be able to live with your existence?"
[WP] A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they're all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.	Nobody likes moving house. It's tedious, a boring chore that everybody seems to go through at least once in their life. Some celebrate the change, others loathe the change, but nobody enjoys the moving. I didn't enjoy the move either, but that doesn't surprise me. I don't enjoy much of anything. I don't dislike much either. Mostly life just passes me by. I'm a passenger in my own vehicle, always staring out of the window but never taking the wheel. Until I moved. Who knew that a few old demons, far beyond their prime and banished to the realm of superstition, could do that which the medicine could not? Ancient beings succeeding where modern practice failed. It started with Sloth. Ambivalence was old hat to me, I had known weeks to flash before my eyes as I passed through them in a daze, rarely leaving my bed even to use the bathroom. That's what got me kicked out, the reason I moved into this house. My sister finally gave up. She spent so long trying, and failing, to push me into the outside world, but I would not leave. I was a bird happy to stay in my nest. So they took away my nest and told me to learn to fly. I thought it was a side effect of the new prescription at first. I'd hear a voice telling me to move, to get up, to do something, anything. He'd stand there, berating me for being so lazy, such a waste of potential. "There is only a time to relax when you have a reason to act." I had finally snapped, I was hearing the voices, soon I'd be in a padded cell wearing a hug-jacket and sipping opiates out of a toddler's cup. Then it hit me. Well... he hit me. It's hard to tell yourself something isn't real when it breaks your nose. He started with teaching me how to truly enjoy my time doing nothing. Which is to say, he found tasks for me to do. I discovered a world I had never known existed, a world of autonomy, where I made the decision to act, not for my sister, not for my doctor, not even for Sloth. For myself. From that new world, my old world evolved. Sitting on the sofa, watching the clock tick by and dreaming of a world in which I mattered, transformed into sweet relief. Release from the satisfying aches and pains, both physical and mental, which signified a productive day. Watching television became a luxury, the time I had for it growing ever shorter, the shows I watched becoming that much more intense as I had to pick only that which I truly wanted to watch. Under Sloth I became active, but Gluttony was the first to help me channel my newfound lease on life. She gave me a cookbook on our first meeting, 'Simple Meals For The Single Man'. Simple though the meals may have been, learning to cook was not. I've lost count of the times I've failed to create a palatable dish. Countless plates have been hurled, inedible failure and all, at my critical sous chef. She was always bitter to see food go wasted by my lack of talents, and always free to inform me of my culinary sins. Time and practice make perfect though. Her criticisms slowly morphed into grudging compliments, then into showers of praise. Now I can barely cook enough to satisfy her. Envy came to me next. He pointed to the other men in the neighborhood, focusing on the perfection of their physical form. The sculpted muscles, the perfect haircuts, the whitest smiles. All of it could be mine, he would say, if I wished it so. He taught me how to take care of myself, to turn my desires into reality. I stopped wishing I was others, and became that which others wished to be. Soon I was at my peak, I had become all that I could physically be. But I was still weak in my mind. I had no confidence, no belief in my self. And then there was Pride. Pride was exactly as you would expect. He bowed to no other, he respected only those who earned his respect, and he made those who did not earn it crave it even more. He was the lion in the savannah of my home. I clashed with him often at first, he looked down on me like trash, and in my mind I was living with my sister again. I lowered my head every time. Afraid that I would anger him, that by refusing to bow before him he would spare me no shame. One day I could stand no more, he called me scum and I shook with rage, fury flowing through my soul. The fires of hell were burning in my eyes, and my blood screamed through my veins. As Sloth bloodied my nose, so I bloodied Pride's. That was the first time Wrath made herself known to me, and the first time Pride looked upon me with respect. The two of them became my closest companions for a time, they helped me become strong of soul, not just of body. To bend with force, but to never break. While Pride showed me what I should stand for, Wrath showed me how to fight for it. She beat her lessons into me, every bruise a new skill learned. Every broken bone was to be worn with pride, for she only broke me when she was beaten. I became stronger under her by learning how to use the strength I had, how to unleash my anger and channel my rage. It was never enough to merely beat an enemy, they must be taught to never again challenge my authority. Lust showed me how to love another. She was there on every first date, hiding from all but me, whispers of encouragement falling from her soft lips, caressing my ears with a sensual touch. She taught me how to take that feeling, and how to share it with another, to revel in the sensations that mere words could invoke. Reveling in the sensation of words turned into reveling in the sensations of flesh. The rolling of hips, the ghostly touch of a woman's breath in my ear, the throes of pleasure. All these, and more, became mine to experience. And when I had learned how to love the body of another, I came to understand how to love the soul of another. When Greed finally came to me years had passed. I was no longer the shell of man that I had been, I was the best I could be, I had become all that I could ever desire to be and more. So I turned him away. He had no more to offer me than that which was already within my grasp. Nobody likes moving house, but I'm glad I did. Thanks for reading if you made it this far. This is actually the first piece I've written in about five years and I did it all in one shot, so I apologise if it seems a bit inconsistent! Please feel free to leave any criticism below, and be as brutal as possible on what I can do better.	"you need to move out..." Said lust, her ghostly make up smeared, her hair frizzled, behind her the rest of them floated nodding. "but...you said you'd help me..." Tod said, looking around. "Look Tod, we Tried. We tried hard. We tried haunting you, turns out you don't have any really bad flaws. You aren't greedy, you aren't proud, you aren't wrathful, you aren't lazy, you certainly aren't lustful..." She said. "I am envious!" "No...not really..." Envy said, sipping a transparent cup of coffee. "I eat far too much cake." "those were health bars...you ate 200% of your daily fiber." Lust said, his chins wobbling. "the least you all could do is get dressed to tell me this..." Tod said, looking around the room at the specters in their sleeping garments. "Look Tod, We all tried. I taught you how to talk to women, greed taught you to talk to your boss and ask for a raise, pride helped you stand up strait, Gluttony spent hours teaching you to save food..ect ect.... But here you are 1 year later and you still are bitching and moaning about being depressed." "but I am..." "we know...but the truth is we feel our relationship might be best continued after you seek professional care." She said. "I will never take crazy pills or see one of those bizarre head headshrinkers." Tod said. "look we hate to do this but you need to leave. We are going to go on our annual Halloween haunt, we have souls to torment. We expect you to be gone by the time we get back." she said. When the ghosts came back to the old Bradford manse they found Tod's things neatly packed in the hallway, and Tod himself neatly swinging from a rafter. For a moment the ghosts all pouted. "all that hard work..." Envy said. "and he never even paid us back!" said Greed. "at least we don't have to deal with him any longer..." Said Lust. A collective sigh gripped the group. That was until they heard a glass clink in the kitchen. Seven ghosts one grossly obese squeezed into the tiny kitchen and found a ghostly Tod attempting to make vanilla pudding. "hey guys, turns out I wasn't depressed, I was just boring." Tod said. "what in the hell are you still doing here?" Lust screamed. "oh, I got to the afterlife and turns out their's an 8th deadly sin we didn't know about, Boredom. " "It's going to be a long eternity isnt it..." Lust said.
[WP] A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they're all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.	Nobody likes moving house. It's tedious, a boring chore that everybody seems to go through at least once in their life. Some celebrate the change, others loathe the change, but nobody enjoys the moving. I didn't enjoy the move either, but that doesn't surprise me. I don't enjoy much of anything. I don't dislike much either. Mostly life just passes me by. I'm a passenger in my own vehicle, always staring out of the window but never taking the wheel. Until I moved. Who knew that a few old demons, far beyond their prime and banished to the realm of superstition, could do that which the medicine could not? Ancient beings succeeding where modern practice failed. It started with Sloth. Ambivalence was old hat to me, I had known weeks to flash before my eyes as I passed through them in a daze, rarely leaving my bed even to use the bathroom. That's what got me kicked out, the reason I moved into this house. My sister finally gave up. She spent so long trying, and failing, to push me into the outside world, but I would not leave. I was a bird happy to stay in my nest. So they took away my nest and told me to learn to fly. I thought it was a side effect of the new prescription at first. I'd hear a voice telling me to move, to get up, to do something, anything. He'd stand there, berating me for being so lazy, such a waste of potential. "There is only a time to relax when you have a reason to act." I had finally snapped, I was hearing the voices, soon I'd be in a padded cell wearing a hug-jacket and sipping opiates out of a toddler's cup. Then it hit me. Well... he hit me. It's hard to tell yourself something isn't real when it breaks your nose. He started with teaching me how to truly enjoy my time doing nothing. Which is to say, he found tasks for me to do. I discovered a world I had never known existed, a world of autonomy, where I made the decision to act, not for my sister, not for my doctor, not even for Sloth. For myself. From that new world, my old world evolved. Sitting on the sofa, watching the clock tick by and dreaming of a world in which I mattered, transformed into sweet relief. Release from the satisfying aches and pains, both physical and mental, which signified a productive day. Watching television became a luxury, the time I had for it growing ever shorter, the shows I watched becoming that much more intense as I had to pick only that which I truly wanted to watch. Under Sloth I became active, but Gluttony was the first to help me channel my newfound lease on life. She gave me a cookbook on our first meeting, 'Simple Meals For The Single Man'. Simple though the meals may have been, learning to cook was not. I've lost count of the times I've failed to create a palatable dish. Countless plates have been hurled, inedible failure and all, at my critical sous chef. She was always bitter to see food go wasted by my lack of talents, and always free to inform me of my culinary sins. Time and practice make perfect though. Her criticisms slowly morphed into grudging compliments, then into showers of praise. Now I can barely cook enough to satisfy her. Envy came to me next. He pointed to the other men in the neighborhood, focusing on the perfection of their physical form. The sculpted muscles, the perfect haircuts, the whitest smiles. All of it could be mine, he would say, if I wished it so. He taught me how to take care of myself, to turn my desires into reality. I stopped wishing I was others, and became that which others wished to be. Soon I was at my peak, I had become all that I could physically be. But I was still weak in my mind. I had no confidence, no belief in my self. And then there was Pride. Pride was exactly as you would expect. He bowed to no other, he respected only those who earned his respect, and he made those who did not earn it crave it even more. He was the lion in the savannah of my home. I clashed with him often at first, he looked down on me like trash, and in my mind I was living with my sister again. I lowered my head every time. Afraid that I would anger him, that by refusing to bow before him he would spare me no shame. One day I could stand no more, he called me scum and I shook with rage, fury flowing through my soul. The fires of hell were burning in my eyes, and my blood screamed through my veins. As Sloth bloodied my nose, so I bloodied Pride's. That was the first time Wrath made herself known to me, and the first time Pride looked upon me with respect. The two of them became my closest companions for a time, they helped me become strong of soul, not just of body. To bend with force, but to never break. While Pride showed me what I should stand for, Wrath showed me how to fight for it. She beat her lessons into me, every bruise a new skill learned. Every broken bone was to be worn with pride, for she only broke me when she was beaten. I became stronger under her by learning how to use the strength I had, how to unleash my anger and channel my rage. It was never enough to merely beat an enemy, they must be taught to never again challenge my authority. Lust showed me how to love another. She was there on every first date, hiding from all but me, whispers of encouragement falling from her soft lips, caressing my ears with a sensual touch. She taught me how to take that feeling, and how to share it with another, to revel in the sensations that mere words could invoke. Reveling in the sensation of words turned into reveling in the sensations of flesh. The rolling of hips, the ghostly touch of a woman's breath in my ear, the throes of pleasure. All these, and more, became mine to experience. And when I had learned how to love the body of another, I came to understand how to love the soul of another. When Greed finally came to me years had passed. I was no longer the shell of man that I had been, I was the best I could be, I had become all that I could ever desire to be and more. So I turned him away. He had no more to offer me than that which was already within my grasp. Nobody likes moving house, but I'm glad I did. Thanks for reading if you made it this far. This is actually the first piece I've written in about five years and I did it all in one shot, so I apologise if it seems a bit inconsistent! Please feel free to leave any criticism below, and be as brutal as possible on what I can do better.	Gluttony was really not that great of a chef; more of an ok cook, or semi-decent caterer. What it lacked in ability, however, it made up for in quantity. "Mmm. S'good." I said between mouthfuls of scrambled egg and bacon. I could see the conflict play out across the heinous manifestation of humanities ability to eat itself sick's face: without a head, Gluttony's huge mouth gaped from its body, its tiny arms and huge, muscular legs worked in frustration to. "Well, at least you're eating." was all it could muster. When I first got here I was barely a hundred pounds soaking wet. Misery, it turns out, is bad for the appetite. Grabbing a handful of dry but yummy coffee cake and mug of lukewarm Folgers I stood up and made to leave. I was almost out the door when Vanity clapped its hand on my shoulder. "You! Your not leaving with a facefull of syrup and dried egg, surely!" Its utterly androgynous but absolutely attractive face looked down into my eyes. As always I was gripped with an urge to both caress and slap those perfect cheeks. Tall but not lithe and meaty without being chunky, Vanity could appear in any form to anyone (as could they all) but showed me their true form in service of my shattered my ego and diminished id. Satisfied with my face, I had to bat its hands away after it straightened my collar and went to tuck in my shirt. "Hey, save some for Lust, eh?" I said, finally making the door. I exited into another building, this one a cross between my elementary, junior and high schools instead a hybrid of my mom's first apartment and our childhood home. I was vaguely aware that I wanted to, -needed- to get Outside but so far all the doors were either locked or led to more rooms. "You can do it!" Shouted Pride as I passed its podium; Pride had a podium like Vanity had comely lightning.
[WP] A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they're all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.	Fifteen Years ago, we were more like business partners. We each had our little slice in Life and we enjoyed our place in it. I especially took Pride in my work very seriously (Unlike that Slothful pansy). It was... like finding that one job you enjoyed immensely, that you could move up if you wanted to, but that would take you away from this love. Like Captain Kirk in that mediocre new movie, you would be bored and empty. Then we got deposed, a coup that usurped our positions and put us down on the bottom of the ladder again. Grunt work that any two bit hack could do and still get a movie made about them with crappy CGI and worse acting and still make a pretty penny. Seven of the Biggest Badasses of Hell, and now we are basically roommates haunting this admittedly nice house. A contemporary three storie with 5 beds, 4 baths (one being a tasteful jack and jill for the kids), and a few secrets tucked into its fold since the builder watched one too many spy films. Living together was a nightmare at first, furious as we were about our recent demotion. Once the anger faded (except for one of us, but that was his shtick so we let him) we all took stock, called in favors, and got our effects in order. We were content with our lot in life, we literally could do nothing about it, we were comfortable, and we got beaten by those just outright better than us. We each were past our prime and thought of this as a comfortable retirement. At least until our long term investments paid off and we took back our thrones, but we could be patient. So we had a few "clients" come and go, we knew every trick in the book (Each having writ a chapter of it) and didn't break any guidelines. We were consummate professionals. A couple of newlyweds that ran afoul of financial disparity and some infidelity, plus the occasional "Forceful occupation" to speed things along. A Millionaire that wanted to retire there as a summer home, with his various mistresses and excessive parties, did him in with a drumstick when no one knew the heimlich. Oh, and that "Starving Artist" we had go mad and inspire such unique pieces of art. Pieces sold well but mostly not from the aesthetics and more what it was made _from_, made one of us especially happy there. We have had our fair share of jokes and laughs and bets from our wandering clientele and we loved every moment of it. Until this guy came in. He came here a broken and empty shell, which usually means either we get our hooks in him and we make him our favorite saturday morning show of debasement and horror, or the guys upstairs fill him with that holier than thou attitude and it becomes a challenge; but this guy just flipped us both the bird, metaphorically since this guy started out as a total robot! Took no pride in his work, didn't have any desires at all, worked without even ceasing till it was done, and didn't care about anyone else or what they had or thought. Initially, we thought we had just been given a real test to flex our muscles and really show our stuff; but the guy was a brick wall! When we realized that we were getting nowhere with subtlety, we swallowed my nature and ahem went the poltergeist route. Blegh, it's the desperate tactic of those without imagination or the desperate. And we only minorly inconvenienced the bastard. Finally, we had had enough and sent out sniffers to get the guy's story. Either this was a prank from our former subordinates and they actually sent us a legit robot and we couldn't tell or we were just really losing our touch. What we got, was so much more... humbling. He was an immigrant kid, born on the wrong side of town but determined to keep his nose clean. Got in a few scuffles though and paid the price for it with what happened to his sister. Made a few of us look away with just how far some humans will go when they indulge in our vices. (We are artisans of the craft, and they used it like a nail studded bat to a piece of art.) Got out and got on a good path that really reminded me of a case I endorsed a few years ago, but for the other guy. He still won the sonofabitch but paid in his health. Got married and then divorced, then married again, that whole shtick, but then the zinger happens. He got overshadowed by someone younger, someone bolder, someone with a sparkling and clean record, unlike his rags to riches past. We all felt that. Now he is just a middle manager, a nobody cog in the system, and the only thing in him is a hollow duty to the job that makes it like a drain on anything that gets poured into him. The Pansy has no grips in him either because he keeps his work ethic no matter what. He's still in his prime, if not the later years of it, especially with this super powered medicine that was developed lately, and now he is incapable of doing anything about it. So I talked to the the others, and we were in accordance. This guy really needs us back in his life, and through him we are gonna get our old jobs back. It wasn't gonna be easy, but we were dedicated to our new lot in life. So I wrenched the guy's attention to me, had a sit down with him, showed him a contract with all the bells and whistles, no monkey's paw, no shenanigans, and laid it all out for him. He looked it over, actually broke his daily routine and called a lawyer friend and had him look it over (Claiming it as a joke he found online, the lawyer wasn't convinced) and he signed it. Now, we were in business again. The others are more for how he lives his life, plenty of fresh experiences, time to rest, constructive uses of anger, and a steady diet; while I and my partners deal with the business aspect, what land to vie for, how to make the most profit, and how to make people follow your drive without making enemies, or at least more than you need to keep that competition alive. That was five years ago, and his enemies are either converted or squashed beneath his heel, and through his campaign, also dislodged our usurpers greatest agents and foundations. Needless to say, we eventually took it all back, and then realized that it wasn't enough anymore. We helped a man go from broken and beaten shell to owning the entire world and being a household name. And we were not content with being lackeys, even important ones. We were fundamental aspects of the sapient spirit and we realized we had so much more power than we thought, not since so long ago when we were just basic deities over certain areas. So we promoted ourselves in the positions at the top and took the reins from those whom squandered it over a petty fight. Now I and my six brothers and sisters run the show, and it was from demons helping an honest man rise to the top. We don't seek petty worship, we never have, just indulge in our Love and live your life to the fullest, experiencing what you desire and seeing it all in the time you're given.	I broke down crying as I set foot in my new "home", dropping my luggage besides me. The loud thump echoed throughout the house as dust whirled up, leaving me coughing. "What a shit hole...", I sighed. After a few months of working my ass off at McDonalds, I could finally afford to move out of my father's place - he didn't want me around anymore, so I had to get a place of my own. My own 1-bedroom dumpster in the middle of fucking nowhere. The plumbing wasn't finished yet, water seeped through the cracks in the walls and ceiling, the windows needed repairing and to top it all off, the previous owner went insane because he thought the place was haunted. Initially, I didn't believe in any sort of paranormal activity, because I figured that if there was a God, he wouldn'tve shat on me like this. But one night, as I laid down on my mattress to get some sleep, I heard voices whispering to me. "You're a loser, John. You're pathetic.", the voices said. "I am very much aware of that.", I replied. "No need to remind me." Great, either I'm a schizophrenic now or the place really is haunted. Believing the whispers to be just a figment of my imagination, I turned around to lay on my other side. What appeared to be a golden sprite, about the size of the palm of my hand, darted erratically in front of me. I flinched for a second, unsure of what it was that I was seeing, but then somehow the mouthless creature spoke to me in a high-pitched voice. "This place deserves to be so much more lavish, John. Golden chandeliers, women, dining tables filled to the brim with the finest foods!", the creature exclaimed gleefully. "Tell me about it..", I responded. "And it can be, John. It can be. If you accept our help.", the creature whispered ominously. "Our help? Who is we? Who are YOU?", I said as my curiosity got the best of me. "My name? Well, they call me Greed. As for who we are...", the creature spoke as he shook around the room even faster. Several more sprites seemed to fade into existence, all in a different color. "They call us.. Sin." --------------------- I hope you guys enjoyed my second writing prompt, I might write some more parts if enough people like it.
[WP] A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they're all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.	Why? If you asked me how I first met the Deadly Seven, I wouldn't quite remember each introduction. I know it involved an old, old house that had seen brighter days long ago. I had, too. I can tell you why. The day I lugged my cardboard boxes into that rickety shed of a house was the darkest point in my life. I had no hope. no drive, no desires. The time passed, and I spent every day ruminating about my failures: what had gone wrong, what I could have done better, how terrible a human being I was, how the world would be better off if I had the courage to lift my weapon the few feet it took to put the barrel to my temple. And then one night, I saw her. She was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen in all my life, and yet it did not occur to me that such beauty did not belong in the shack I called home. She laid her hands on my shoulders and kissed my forehead. "You are better than them," she whispered in my ear. All thoughts of my death were forgotten as I looked her in the eye and saw myself as she saw me: a handsome young man in the prime of his life, against whom the world had conspired. She smiled at me and put a soft hand on my cheek. "Get up and prove it!" In the days to follow, I met her brothers and sisters. Demons, they were called. To my mind, however, they were saving graces. What would I have done without them? Her brother helped me acquire a job and clothes, all the comforts one could possibly want, and objects beyond that. Her other brother, as large and bovine as he was, helped me enjoy life again! I had an appetite! I enjoyed the flavors on my tongue and the feeling of food sliding down my throat! Her sister, so alike in appearance but different in her advice, helped me to see what I liked and disliked in others. Her hand, so lovingly placed on mine, guided it so that I could finally have what I saw others possess without toil and what I had always worked so hard for: respect, admiration, a car that didn't break down every two months. Their good brother helped me keep what is mine. So long, I had let others do what they wanted, but now! Now I had him at my ear, saying, "That's not fair!" or "That brown-noser deserves to go down." With their help, I moved up in my company at a pace that was blindingly fast to my coworkers. And when I thought I had it all, their next sibling sidled up to me and asked if I'd like a companion. This demon was actually an old friend, from before the house. When I was at my lowest, I had lost interest in all desires like food or sex. With my new companions, I could see now what made life worth living. I met a lady or two (or three), and though they were nice, with each person, I experimented and grew closer to discovering what I wanted in a partner. Maybe this is what I was missing all those years ago. When that happy demon family was firmly integrated into my life, and I worked hard and renovated that house to make it beautiful for all of us, I had the last sibling at the end of every day telling me to rest, to be content; there would be work enough for all of tomorrow's tomorrows. So at the end of the long work day, I sat on the couch with my demons and basked in their friendship. Eventually, the day came when I had to move on. I asked my friends if they were ultimately confined to the house. The oldest, the first one who had approached me, put her hand once again on my cheek. "As long as you will have us, we will be with you. And even when you're done with us, we'll be waiting until you want us again." Did she know what comfort that gave me? Did she know how warm I felt, knowing I would always have them to fall back on? I think she did. As she said, even when I thought I was done with them, they were waiting for me. Surrounded as I am by my second wife and many children and grandchildren, perhaps by obligation moreso than love, I can feel them waiting for me. I can feel myself yearning to go home. So that's why. That's why I cringe here before you. You, who call yourselves "The Virtues." Whatever did diligence, chastity, patience, kindness, temperance, charity or humility do for me? You tell me you were with me, you tell me I had only to seek you! You look at me with pity, but I have lived with these demons, and they alone will be with me for the rest of eternity.	I broke down crying as I set foot in my new "home", dropping my luggage besides me. The loud thump echoed throughout the house as dust whirled up, leaving me coughing. "What a shit hole...", I sighed. After a few months of working my ass off at McDonalds, I could finally afford to move out of my father's place - he didn't want me around anymore, so I had to get a place of my own. My own 1-bedroom dumpster in the middle of fucking nowhere. The plumbing wasn't finished yet, water seeped through the cracks in the walls and ceiling, the windows needed repairing and to top it all off, the previous owner went insane because he thought the place was haunted. Initially, I didn't believe in any sort of paranormal activity, because I figured that if there was a God, he wouldn'tve shat on me like this. But one night, as I laid down on my mattress to get some sleep, I heard voices whispering to me. "You're a loser, John. You're pathetic.", the voices said. "I am very much aware of that.", I replied. "No need to remind me." Great, either I'm a schizophrenic now or the place really is haunted. Believing the whispers to be just a figment of my imagination, I turned around to lay on my other side. What appeared to be a golden sprite, about the size of the palm of my hand, darted erratically in front of me. I flinched for a second, unsure of what it was that I was seeing, but then somehow the mouthless creature spoke to me in a high-pitched voice. "This place deserves to be so much more lavish, John. Golden chandeliers, women, dining tables filled to the brim with the finest foods!", the creature exclaimed gleefully. "Tell me about it..", I responded. "And it can be, John. It can be. If you accept our help.", the creature whispered ominously. "Our help? Who is we? Who are YOU?", I said as my curiosity got the best of me. "My name? Well, they call me Greed. As for who we are...", the creature spoke as he shook around the room even faster. Several more sprites seemed to fade into existence, all in a different color. "They call us.. Sin." --------------------- I hope you guys enjoyed my second writing prompt, I might write some more parts if enough people like it.
[WP] A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they're all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.	Room 332. When I got on the third floor, I asked a nurse where was Room 332. She pointed to the hallway on my right and said its on the end of the corridor. After walking a bit, I found Room 332. I then sat on the cold metallic seat and waited. A nurse then got out. "Excuse me, are you Alana Wright? Your boyfriend's awake." The nurse said. I immediately went in and I saw him. His skin looked yellow and he was weak. A bag by the side of his bed had some dark liquid. He turned his head and when he saw me, he smiled. "Alana," he said. "Come here." "Yeah babe?" I said. "Do you remember all those days when we first met at the shop? I'm going to tell you a story that has been eating at me for a while. It may sound crazy, but I want you to just believe me. No matter how weird you think it is. Okay?" He asked. "Sure," I said. "What is it about?" I asked. "It began when on a Monday evening, I went home from work. I was super tired and I just couldn't be bothered. The house was always dark, so I always had a light on no matter the time. I then took off my shoes, my socks, my tie, and went to the bedroom to rest. Suddenly, the roof creaked as if something is walking on it. I thought it was just some rats and so I didn't care. It was quite an old house anyway, and so I didn't care. As I laid there, my phone rang. I pulled it out of his pocket and it was Sharon. "Hey Henry! I need you to cover for me tomorrow. I'm currently sick and I need you to do it. Alright?" she said. "Uh I can-" I was about to say that I can't when she cut me off. "Fantastic! Thank you so much Henry!" Sharon replied, immediately hanging up. She was always like that. She always had a ton of excuses to give just to skip work. Even though she said she was sick, she's probably just relaxing at home with her boyfriend or something, leaving me to cover her, and so I always do double the work. I then fell asleep. I was suddenly awoken from my sleep when I heard the wood creaking again. It sounded as if it was coming from the attic. I thought that it was rats again, until it happened again. Half asleep, I decided to investigate. So I got up, picked up a shoe, and went up into the attic. I opened the attic door, and climbed up the stairs. I then turned on the light and found that there was nothing there. It was the rats. I then turned around when I heard this voice. "Henry", a soft female voice whispered. I turned around, and saw a woman standing right in front of me. Probably just a few feet away. I was shocked and I screamed, thinking they were robbers or something. I was just about to run when I noticed that now the attic was empty, there were no stairs, no door. I panicked. I looked back and now I saw six more figures." "A woman? Six more figures?" I interrupted. "As I said, just believe me for a second. "Please do not scream. We're not going to harm you." the woman said. When I heard her voice, it had seemed so unreal. As if I was dreaming. "Who are you?" I asked. "My name is Pride. The woman to my left is called Lust, and the man to the right of me is called Wrath", the figure on the left of her responded. He was muscular, handsome, and his silky smooth baritone voice projected this sense of respect. Now I was never the religious type. I was raised in a Catholic family, but after my parents died I stopped believing. "Wait a minute, Wrath? Pride? Lust? The seven deadly sins? I must be dreaming," I said. It was so unreal. "When you first came here five days ago, we tried to stay silent. Ever since we lived here we always stayed silent. But when you came, we can't stay silent. You were always unfortunate, and you seem so.....lifeless. And we couldn't bear to see you like that. We know about work and Alana. We just....wanted to help you." Lust said. Then I asked how did she knew about work and you. And the male figure on her left said that they often checked on me because they were worried, except for one, Sloth, who stayed. "Whatever you do, please know that we are here now." she said. A really bright light then hit me and I was blinded. I couldn't see anything. I then woke up, sweating. I checked my phone. It said that it was 4.30 AM. I looked around. It was all a dream, I thought. It was just some work stress or something. Suddenly I heard a voice. "No it ain't", it said. I looked over to my left, to a chair, and I saw this figure. He was a bit chubby. He was bald. He looked a bit like old John. "I'm Gluttony." the man responded. "I'm turning crazy. I'm definitely turning crazy." I thought to myself. "No you ain't. We're all real and we're all worried about you." he responded. "The hell? You can read my mind? How?" I asked. "We're supernatural. We can do anything. Oh yeah, I forgot, I got something for you. It's in the kitchen if you want." the man said. Of course I was confused. What was in the kitchen? Maybe I am losing my mind and I was in denial. But I was curious, and so I got up and walked to the kitchen. The man walked along with me. When I got there, I saw this big plate with a fish steak and some red wine. I was flattered and he told me to eat it. "I was going to eat it, but I thought it'll be better for you to eat it. Your saving has made you famished." he said. I asked from where did he get said steak, but he said that I shouldn't worry and I should just eat it. As I was eating it, I can see from my peripheral that he's staring as if he was transfixed by the steak. Every time I looked up, he would turn his gaze, but I knew he wanted this so bad. But he was that kind to let me eat it instead. It was so good. I haven't eaten in a while because I was trying to save money. A few hours later, I went to work. As I was cataloging the items in the storage room, I heard someone come in. It was about 8 in the morning, and so it shouldn't be a customer. But I was just trying to do Sharon's work as fast as possible so I can focus on mine. Then the storage room door opened and someone asked me where Sharon was. I said that she was sick and I was covering for her. It was you. You were searching for her for something, I forgot, but at the time I wasn't confident enough." "It was a technical thing, the cash register can't detect the barcodes." "Oh right. But anyways, you then left. As you close the door, Pride showed up. "The fuck you doing man? She needs help, help her! You know about computers and stuff don't you? Help her then!". He said it with such pride. It was almost narcissistic. I said that while I do know it, I wasn't brave enough. I can't do it. You were so beautiful, and I just don't feel that you were worthy of me. He shouted at me that I am the most handsome individual on this earth and that I am worthy of you. I should get out there and help you. And then Lust showed up too, and gave me the same shouting. I collected my mind, and I got out and asked you what the problem was. And then you said-" "Yeah yeah, I said that it was nothing but you persisted. And you actually fixed it. It was wonderful." "I know. After that when I came back to the storage room I was so happy that I did that. Pride and Lust looked so happy with me finally cracking a smile. They then disappeared." "When they appeared and disappeared, did they have like a smoke or something like in the movies?" "No, they were just...there. No smoke no nothing. One second its nothing then you blink and there they were. But anyway. When I got home, Sharon called me again and asked whether or not I did her cataloging or not. I said I did and she was satisfied.	I broke down crying as I set foot in my new "home", dropping my luggage besides me. The loud thump echoed throughout the house as dust whirled up, leaving me coughing. "What a shit hole...", I sighed. After a few months of working my ass off at McDonalds, I could finally afford to move out of my father's place - he didn't want me around anymore, so I had to get a place of my own. My own 1-bedroom dumpster in the middle of fucking nowhere. The plumbing wasn't finished yet, water seeped through the cracks in the walls and ceiling, the windows needed repairing and to top it all off, the previous owner went insane because he thought the place was haunted. Initially, I didn't believe in any sort of paranormal activity, because I figured that if there was a God, he wouldn'tve shat on me like this. But one night, as I laid down on my mattress to get some sleep, I heard voices whispering to me. "You're a loser, John. You're pathetic.", the voices said. "I am very much aware of that.", I replied. "No need to remind me." Great, either I'm a schizophrenic now or the place really is haunted. Believing the whispers to be just a figment of my imagination, I turned around to lay on my other side. What appeared to be a golden sprite, about the size of the palm of my hand, darted erratically in front of me. I flinched for a second, unsure of what it was that I was seeing, but then somehow the mouthless creature spoke to me in a high-pitched voice. "This place deserves to be so much more lavish, John. Golden chandeliers, women, dining tables filled to the brim with the finest foods!", the creature exclaimed gleefully. "Tell me about it..", I responded. "And it can be, John. It can be. If you accept our help.", the creature whispered ominously. "Our help? Who is we? Who are YOU?", I said as my curiosity got the best of me. "My name? Well, they call me Greed. As for who we are...", the creature spoke as he shook around the room even faster. Several more sprites seemed to fade into existence, all in a different color. "They call us.. Sin." --------------------- I hope you guys enjoyed my second writing prompt, I might write some more parts if enough people like it.
[WP] A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they're all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.	"Come on Eric, you really need to eat something. I know you don't want to, but that hunger pain in your gut isn't going to go away on its own", said Gluttony. "Nobody is judging you Eric. Besides, caring what other people think of you is fruitless. The trick is learning to love yourself the way you are", said Sloth. "You can be just as happy as the couple in this movie, Eric. When you're ready and the timing is right, you will find love too", said Lust. "Sure this house isn't the nicest place, but things will get better at work and you'll be able to live where you want to", said Greed. "Stop beating yourself up. Depression is painful but it doesn't mean you're weak. It's a long fight and you'll lose some battles, but you can win the war if you keep fighting", said Wrath. "You aren't the only one who struggling with this. Even though they have the fancy car, nice job, and big family they feel the same way sometimes. Everyone faces the darkness at some point", said Envy "You just don't understand!" said Eric, "I'm fucking cursed. Nothing takes away the pain, nothing fills the emptiness, nothing makes me feel...anything! It's like being stuck in an endless cycling void that keeps getting darker and colder and none of you bastards knows what that's like. Just shut up and leave me alone!" "We do know Eric", said Pride. "We know what it's like to be trapped, stuck in the darkness with our pain forever. That's what being a ghost is. Each of us has become that pain that plagued us in life. We want to help you, to keep you from becoming one of us. But we can't force that to happen. The first thing that you have to do is accept that this is your burden. No it isn't fair, but it's your's nonetheless." "Fine! I accept it! I'm fucking cursed, didn't you hear me?!" "Good. Now let us teach you how to deal with curses."	I broke down crying as I set foot in my new "home", dropping my luggage besides me. The loud thump echoed throughout the house as dust whirled up, leaving me coughing. "What a shit hole...", I sighed. After a few months of working my ass off at McDonalds, I could finally afford to move out of my father's place - he didn't want me around anymore, so I had to get a place of my own. My own 1-bedroom dumpster in the middle of fucking nowhere. The plumbing wasn't finished yet, water seeped through the cracks in the walls and ceiling, the windows needed repairing and to top it all off, the previous owner went insane because he thought the place was haunted. Initially, I didn't believe in any sort of paranormal activity, because I figured that if there was a God, he wouldn'tve shat on me like this. But one night, as I laid down on my mattress to get some sleep, I heard voices whispering to me. "You're a loser, John. You're pathetic.", the voices said. "I am very much aware of that.", I replied. "No need to remind me." Great, either I'm a schizophrenic now or the place really is haunted. Believing the whispers to be just a figment of my imagination, I turned around to lay on my other side. What appeared to be a golden sprite, about the size of the palm of my hand, darted erratically in front of me. I flinched for a second, unsure of what it was that I was seeing, but then somehow the mouthless creature spoke to me in a high-pitched voice. "This place deserves to be so much more lavish, John. Golden chandeliers, women, dining tables filled to the brim with the finest foods!", the creature exclaimed gleefully. "Tell me about it..", I responded. "And it can be, John. It can be. If you accept our help.", the creature whispered ominously. "Our help? Who is we? Who are YOU?", I said as my curiosity got the best of me. "My name? Well, they call me Greed. As for who we are...", the creature spoke as he shook around the room even faster. Several more sprites seemed to fade into existence, all in a different color. "They call us.. Sin." --------------------- I hope you guys enjoyed my second writing prompt, I might write some more parts if enough people like it.
[WP] A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they're all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.	"Well I guess this is it," he said to himself as he opened the door to his new apartment, "welcome to the pits of hell, Jeremy. It's not like life could get much worse." Oh look fresh meat. Maybe this time the other girls won't mess this up. I mean really. How hard is it to get one little human back on his feet. Hell its not like I'm the embodiment of Pride or anything. "Hey, Page, don't you even think about it. You know what happened last time," a voice seethed at me. "It's all the more reason to help this time. It can't go that far south again. We know better this time," I tried to plead with Grace, little miss greedy pants. You see, even though we are suppose to be the "seven deadly sins" we aren't the big guys. More like one of the trial runs. So not only am I a cast away of what I could have been, I am trapped in this little building until some idiot let's us out. You would think in this day and age it would be easier but noooo. "Well if we can use him to gain power and, and," that is Lily. Well really her name is Lilith, but no one here calls her that. Lily was suppose to be Lust, but she fell short of the whole love trope when she found her power over people. So now she chases any form of power over anyone else. "Why, so he can become some big wig, have all those girls fawn over him, make lots of money, and then some chick convinces him to leave us? For what? Just so he leaves with out freeing us like that other one? I for one don't want to help anyone again," that would Erin, better known to the demon community as one of the Envy failures. "Come on! We have to do this to prove ourselves. We may not be The Seven, but we are a seven. We just need out of here. Then we won't need each other's permission any more!" It's the same story over and over for me. The first few times it was easy for me to convince them all. It's gotten harder and harder since then though. Grace doesn't want to spend her time, Sabrina doesn't want to put in the work, Erin doesn't want to loose the love and devotion, on and on. But there is one of us that going can always count on. We hear a scream in one of the rooms. It's our new friend and. Well it's Miss Wanda, resident Wrath. "No better way to let him know about us then to scare the shit out of him," she says, "plus I got sick of listening to you all bitch and complain with Page. It's the same story over and over." She looks down at Jeremy and smiles. Now something I should let you in on, our new friend can't see us, can't hear us, has no idea we are even there, unless we want him too. Miss Wanda likes to just fill a room when she introduces herself. It gets all cold and you feel very disapproved of it's all for show of course. Or, well so I think. "No! Don't touch me!" Jeremy is yelling again. "Hey! Give it back!" Well that would be number 7, Gabriella, also known as, wanna be Gluttony. Except instead of food Gabby here likes to consume money. Any kind. As we are watching Miss Wanda and Jeremy, his wallet just floats across the room, only to disappear before his eyes. Or to ours right into Gabby's mouth. "Stop it! All of you!" I make sure to let Jeremy hear my voice too this time," how are we going to get him to let us out if all your doing is scarring him?" A chair appears in the room and Erin pushes Jeremy into it. At this point we are all just a shadowy figure to him. But he can at least see us now. "Look dude," Grace says, struggling with the word dude, we are from a time long before language was a thing after all, "let's not waste any more time with this. We need you to let us out of this cage, to do that we need to help you reach your desires. So without wasting my time, what do you desire most?" He looks around at us all. By this time we are starting to actually look like people to him. "This apartment is too small for all of this," he moans as he looks around at all of us. ** A few weeks later and Jeremy has started getting use to us. Finally. He now keeps his wallet away from Gabby, but brings in a few coins for her at the end of the day. That seems to make her happy. He spends hours working with Lily after work now. They talk about his job, how to make the smart moves to get promoted. Who might be able to help him. And it seems like it is working for him. Grace and Sabrina tend to avoid him though. He's a waste of time. There is no way I'm working that much, blah blah blah. What do you expect from the greediest and laziest people around. Erin is the one I'm most proud of though. Jeremy has this guy who comes over all the time. He's the only person he talks to more then Lily. His name is Bobby. A few days ago Erin walked in on the two of them. They were asleep on the couch, and Jeremy was laying on Bobby. Miss Wanda watched Erin as she pulled blankets over them and turned the tv off. After the last guy who came through here, this was never something we thought Erin would do. Maybe the last guy just drained it all out of her. "I think you could actually do that! You would have your own power to make your own choices!" Lily has been yelling for the last few minutes about some self employment idea that Jeremy has been going on about. "I don't know, there is just some much at risk if it doesn't work out right." "But what if it does?! You have Bobby and us here for you! I mean you could be doing a lot worse with your time after all," wow, what ever this is even got Grace in to it. "Miss Wanda, what do you think? Going out on my own like this, starting an IT company on my own, what if it just doesn't work out?" "What your doing now isn't working out now. So why stay? You can go and do this, and try to do your own thing and not know what will come next or you can be a lazy, go with the flow idiot." Well then, we know where Miss Wanda stands. "Hey, Ladies," Jeremy called us all into his living room, "hey what is this thing?" "Well, you know how when you first moved in two years ago and we scared you and all?" Erin pipes up, "well so you see, like we told you then, we are kinda trapped here. We can't leave." "Unless you open that and let us go," Grace finishes. "Where would you go? What would you do?" Jeremy looked at us all. We hadn't really talked about the prison we were in since that first day. "Well we would be able to leave here, see what else is out there," this was Lily, "we have done so much for you, please, the fact that the lock has appeared means we really have helped you reach your desires! Please let us out!" Jeremy looked at the lock, it was a big cylinder stone with a smaller button on the top. It was black with white thread like blemishes on it. He looked at us all. He looked so different then he did two years ago. "But, what will I do without you all? When I moved in here I didn't think I would still be here now. Honestly if it wasn't for Miss Wanda and Erin I probably wouldn't still be here. And then Lily pushed me with work and Gabby caused me to same money. Grace and Sabrina showed me there are more important things then just working. And I have Bobby, hell we are going to get married soon and that's because of you Page. Everything I have is because of you all." Jeremy started to cry. Bobby walked in, right through me, "Jeremy, what's wrong. What the hell is that?" We all sat around and watched the two of them as Jeremy explained everything. ** It has been about five years now since Jeremy let us go, but nothing has really changed. Most everyone comes and goes a lot and Miss Wanda hasn't been back yet, but that's okay. Jeremy and Bobby have a little girl now, Megan. Now, even though we are free it we get to watch all of them. Help them. I guess it was a good thing that we didn't make it as The Seven and are just a seven.	I broke down crying as I set foot in my new "home", dropping my luggage besides me. The loud thump echoed throughout the house as dust whirled up, leaving me coughing. "What a shit hole...", I sighed. After a few months of working my ass off at McDonalds, I could finally afford to move out of my father's place - he didn't want me around anymore, so I had to get a place of my own. My own 1-bedroom dumpster in the middle of fucking nowhere. The plumbing wasn't finished yet, water seeped through the cracks in the walls and ceiling, the windows needed repairing and to top it all off, the previous owner went insane because he thought the place was haunted. Initially, I didn't believe in any sort of paranormal activity, because I figured that if there was a God, he wouldn'tve shat on me like this. But one night, as I laid down on my mattress to get some sleep, I heard voices whispering to me. "You're a loser, John. You're pathetic.", the voices said. "I am very much aware of that.", I replied. "No need to remind me." Great, either I'm a schizophrenic now or the place really is haunted. Believing the whispers to be just a figment of my imagination, I turned around to lay on my other side. What appeared to be a golden sprite, about the size of the palm of my hand, darted erratically in front of me. I flinched for a second, unsure of what it was that I was seeing, but then somehow the mouthless creature spoke to me in a high-pitched voice. "This place deserves to be so much more lavish, John. Golden chandeliers, women, dining tables filled to the brim with the finest foods!", the creature exclaimed gleefully. "Tell me about it..", I responded. "And it can be, John. It can be. If you accept our help.", the creature whispered ominously. "Our help? Who is we? Who are YOU?", I said as my curiosity got the best of me. "My name? Well, they call me Greed. As for who we are...", the creature spoke as he shook around the room even faster. Several more sprites seemed to fade into existence, all in a different color. "They call us.. Sin." --------------------- I hope you guys enjoyed my second writing prompt, I might write some more parts if enough people like it.
[WP] A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they're all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.	Nobody likes moving house. It's tedious, a boring chore that everybody seems to go through at least once in their life. Some celebrate the change, others loathe the change, but nobody enjoys the moving. I didn't enjoy the move either, but that doesn't surprise me. I don't enjoy much of anything. I don't dislike much either. Mostly life just passes me by. I'm a passenger in my own vehicle, always staring out of the window but never taking the wheel. Until I moved. Who knew that a few old demons, far beyond their prime and banished to the realm of superstition, could do that which the medicine could not? Ancient beings succeeding where modern practice failed. It started with Sloth. Ambivalence was old hat to me, I had known weeks to flash before my eyes as I passed through them in a daze, rarely leaving my bed even to use the bathroom. That's what got me kicked out, the reason I moved into this house. My sister finally gave up. She spent so long trying, and failing, to push me into the outside world, but I would not leave. I was a bird happy to stay in my nest. So they took away my nest and told me to learn to fly. I thought it was a side effect of the new prescription at first. I'd hear a voice telling me to move, to get up, to do something, anything. He'd stand there, berating me for being so lazy, such a waste of potential. "There is only a time to relax when you have a reason to act." I had finally snapped, I was hearing the voices, soon I'd be in a padded cell wearing a hug-jacket and sipping opiates out of a toddler's cup. Then it hit me. Well... he hit me. It's hard to tell yourself something isn't real when it breaks your nose. He started with teaching me how to truly enjoy my time doing nothing. Which is to say, he found tasks for me to do. I discovered a world I had never known existed, a world of autonomy, where I made the decision to act, not for my sister, not for my doctor, not even for Sloth. For myself. From that new world, my old world evolved. Sitting on the sofa, watching the clock tick by and dreaming of a world in which I mattered, transformed into sweet relief. Release from the satisfying aches and pains, both physical and mental, which signified a productive day. Watching television became a luxury, the time I had for it growing ever shorter, the shows I watched becoming that much more intense as I had to pick only that which I truly wanted to watch. Under Sloth I became active, but Gluttony was the first to help me channel my newfound lease on life. She gave me a cookbook on our first meeting, 'Simple Meals For The Single Man'. Simple though the meals may have been, learning to cook was not. I've lost count of the times I've failed to create a palatable dish. Countless plates have been hurled, inedible failure and all, at my critical sous chef. She was always bitter to see food go wasted by my lack of talents, and always free to inform me of my culinary sins. Time and practice make perfect though. Her criticisms slowly morphed into grudging compliments, then into showers of praise. Now I can barely cook enough to satisfy her. Envy came to me next. He pointed to the other men in the neighborhood, focusing on the perfection of their physical form. The sculpted muscles, the perfect haircuts, the whitest smiles. All of it could be mine, he would say, if I wished it so. He taught me how to take care of myself, to turn my desires into reality. I stopped wishing I was others, and became that which others wished to be. Soon I was at my peak, I had become all that I could physically be. But I was still weak in my mind. I had no confidence, no belief in my self. And then there was Pride. Pride was exactly as you would expect. He bowed to no other, he respected only those who earned his respect, and he made those who did not earn it crave it even more. He was the lion in the savannah of my home. I clashed with him often at first, he looked down on me like trash, and in my mind I was living with my sister again. I lowered my head every time. Afraid that I would anger him, that by refusing to bow before him he would spare me no shame. One day I could stand no more, he called me scum and I shook with rage, fury flowing through my soul. The fires of hell were burning in my eyes, and my blood screamed through my veins. As Sloth bloodied my nose, so I bloodied Pride's. That was the first time Wrath made herself known to me, and the first time Pride looked upon me with respect. The two of them became my closest companions for a time, they helped me become strong of soul, not just of body. To bend with force, but to never break. While Pride showed me what I should stand for, Wrath showed me how to fight for it. She beat her lessons into me, every bruise a new skill learned. Every broken bone was to be worn with pride, for she only broke me when she was beaten. I became stronger under her by learning how to use the strength I had, how to unleash my anger and channel my rage. It was never enough to merely beat an enemy, they must be taught to never again challenge my authority. Lust showed me how to love another. She was there on every first date, hiding from all but me, whispers of encouragement falling from her soft lips, caressing my ears with a sensual touch. She taught me how to take that feeling, and how to share it with another, to revel in the sensations that mere words could invoke. Reveling in the sensation of words turned into reveling in the sensations of flesh. The rolling of hips, the ghostly touch of a woman's breath in my ear, the throes of pleasure. All these, and more, became mine to experience. And when I had learned how to love the body of another, I came to understand how to love the soul of another. When Greed finally came to me years had passed. I was no longer the shell of man that I had been, I was the best I could be, I had become all that I could ever desire to be and more. So I turned him away. He had no more to offer me than that which was already within my grasp. Nobody likes moving house, but I'm glad I did. Thanks for reading if you made it this far. This is actually the first piece I've written in about five years and I did it all in one shot, so I apologise if it seems a bit inconsistent! Please feel free to leave any criticism below, and be as brutal as possible on what I can do better.	I broke down crying as I set foot in my new "home", dropping my luggage besides me. The loud thump echoed throughout the house as dust whirled up, leaving me coughing. "What a shit hole...", I sighed. After a few months of working my ass off at McDonalds, I could finally afford to move out of my father's place - he didn't want me around anymore, so I had to get a place of my own. My own 1-bedroom dumpster in the middle of fucking nowhere. The plumbing wasn't finished yet, water seeped through the cracks in the walls and ceiling, the windows needed repairing and to top it all off, the previous owner went insane because he thought the place was haunted. Initially, I didn't believe in any sort of paranormal activity, because I figured that if there was a God, he wouldn'tve shat on me like this. But one night, as I laid down on my mattress to get some sleep, I heard voices whispering to me. "You're a loser, John. You're pathetic.", the voices said. "I am very much aware of that.", I replied. "No need to remind me." Great, either I'm a schizophrenic now or the place really is haunted. Believing the whispers to be just a figment of my imagination, I turned around to lay on my other side. What appeared to be a golden sprite, about the size of the palm of my hand, darted erratically in front of me. I flinched for a second, unsure of what it was that I was seeing, but then somehow the mouthless creature spoke to me in a high-pitched voice. "This place deserves to be so much more lavish, John. Golden chandeliers, women, dining tables filled to the brim with the finest foods!", the creature exclaimed gleefully. "Tell me about it..", I responded. "And it can be, John. It can be. If you accept our help.", the creature whispered ominously. "Our help? Who is we? Who are YOU?", I said as my curiosity got the best of me. "My name? Well, they call me Greed. As for who we are...", the creature spoke as he shook around the room even faster. Several more sprites seemed to fade into existence, all in a different color. "They call us.. Sin." --------------------- I hope you guys enjoyed my second writing prompt, I might write some more parts if enough people like it.
[WP] A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they're all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.	Fifteen Years ago, we were more like business partners. We each had our little slice in Life and we enjoyed our place in it. I especially took Pride in my work very seriously (Unlike that Slothful pansy). It was... like finding that one job you enjoyed immensely, that you could move up if you wanted to, but that would take you away from this love. Like Captain Kirk in that mediocre new movie, you would be bored and empty. Then we got deposed, a coup that usurped our positions and put us down on the bottom of the ladder again. Grunt work that any two bit hack could do and still get a movie made about them with crappy CGI and worse acting and still make a pretty penny. Seven of the Biggest Badasses of Hell, and now we are basically roommates haunting this admittedly nice house. A contemporary three storie with 5 beds, 4 baths (one being a tasteful jack and jill for the kids), and a few secrets tucked into its fold since the builder watched one too many spy films. Living together was a nightmare at first, furious as we were about our recent demotion. Once the anger faded (except for one of us, but that was his shtick so we let him) we all took stock, called in favors, and got our effects in order. We were content with our lot in life, we literally could do nothing about it, we were comfortable, and we got beaten by those just outright better than us. We each were past our prime and thought of this as a comfortable retirement. At least until our long term investments paid off and we took back our thrones, but we could be patient. So we had a few "clients" come and go, we knew every trick in the book (Each having writ a chapter of it) and didn't break any guidelines. We were consummate professionals. A couple of newlyweds that ran afoul of financial disparity and some infidelity, plus the occasional "Forceful occupation" to speed things along. A Millionaire that wanted to retire there as a summer home, with his various mistresses and excessive parties, did him in with a drumstick when no one knew the heimlich. Oh, and that "Starving Artist" we had go mad and inspire such unique pieces of art. Pieces sold well but mostly not from the aesthetics and more what it was made _from_, made one of us especially happy there. We have had our fair share of jokes and laughs and bets from our wandering clientele and we loved every moment of it. Until this guy came in. He came here a broken and empty shell, which usually means either we get our hooks in him and we make him our favorite saturday morning show of debasement and horror, or the guys upstairs fill him with that holier than thou attitude and it becomes a challenge; but this guy just flipped us both the bird, metaphorically since this guy started out as a total robot! Took no pride in his work, didn't have any desires at all, worked without even ceasing till it was done, and didn't care about anyone else or what they had or thought. Initially, we thought we had just been given a real test to flex our muscles and really show our stuff; but the guy was a brick wall! When we realized that we were getting nowhere with subtlety, we swallowed my nature and ahem went the poltergeist route. Blegh, it's the desperate tactic of those without imagination or the desperate. And we only minorly inconvenienced the bastard. Finally, we had had enough and sent out sniffers to get the guy's story. Either this was a prank from our former subordinates and they actually sent us a legit robot and we couldn't tell or we were just really losing our touch. What we got, was so much more... humbling. He was an immigrant kid, born on the wrong side of town but determined to keep his nose clean. Got in a few scuffles though and paid the price for it with what happened to his sister. Made a few of us look away with just how far some humans will go when they indulge in our vices. (We are artisans of the craft, and they used it like a nail studded bat to a piece of art.) Got out and got on a good path that really reminded me of a case I endorsed a few years ago, but for the other guy. He still won the sonofabitch but paid in his health. Got married and then divorced, then married again, that whole shtick, but then the zinger happens. He got overshadowed by someone younger, someone bolder, someone with a sparkling and clean record, unlike his rags to riches past. We all felt that. Now he is just a middle manager, a nobody cog in the system, and the only thing in him is a hollow duty to the job that makes it like a drain on anything that gets poured into him. The Pansy has no grips in him either because he keeps his work ethic no matter what. He's still in his prime, if not the later years of it, especially with this super powered medicine that was developed lately, and now he is incapable of doing anything about it. So I talked to the the others, and we were in accordance. This guy really needs us back in his life, and through him we are gonna get our old jobs back. It wasn't gonna be easy, but we were dedicated to our new lot in life. So I wrenched the guy's attention to me, had a sit down with him, showed him a contract with all the bells and whistles, no monkey's paw, no shenanigans, and laid it all out for him. He looked it over, actually broke his daily routine and called a lawyer friend and had him look it over (Claiming it as a joke he found online, the lawyer wasn't convinced) and he signed it. Now, we were in business again. The others are more for how he lives his life, plenty of fresh experiences, time to rest, constructive uses of anger, and a steady diet; while I and my partners deal with the business aspect, what land to vie for, how to make the most profit, and how to make people follow your drive without making enemies, or at least more than you need to keep that competition alive. That was five years ago, and his enemies are either converted or squashed beneath his heel, and through his campaign, also dislodged our usurpers greatest agents and foundations. Needless to say, we eventually took it all back, and then realized that it wasn't enough anymore. We helped a man go from broken and beaten shell to owning the entire world and being a household name. And we were not content with being lackeys, even important ones. We were fundamental aspects of the sapient spirit and we realized we had so much more power than we thought, not since so long ago when we were just basic deities over certain areas. So we promoted ourselves in the positions at the top and took the reins from those whom squandered it over a petty fight. Now I and my six brothers and sisters run the show, and it was from demons helping an honest man rise to the top. We don't seek petty worship, we never have, just indulge in our Love and live your life to the fullest, experiencing what you desire and seeing it all in the time you're given.	"Get up boy! Do you know how far you have come? Twelves months ago, you came to hang yourself. Look at you now!" The dark and smoky voice of Lucifer. Michael gives the hand sign of the horns as an offer of thanks, the sign he was so familiar during his heavy metal teenage years. Lucifer had transformed himself into a handsome, well dressed, what Michael and every other guy dreamed of being, alpha male. He was told that Lucifer had always hated the form, instead preferring the comfortable skin of being a smoking hot woman. In the time since Michael came into the dilapidated house that no one dared approach, he is treated as royalty. Kneeling only to the ruler of Hell, he is the hand of the King, all other princes having to obey his every command per the decree of Prince Lucifer, Pride incarnate. Michael do not know why the King of Hell would choose him, a once-in his own words 'chronically depressed good-for-nothing human garbage bag.' He would have been a dime in a dozen of unremarkable men in the mortal coil. But in truth, the Devil has given him hope, who seems to have Life figured out, better than God himself. Raised a Catholic, Michael was ever the faithful but God had never answered any of his calls. Now a rising star, charted for greatness at JP. Morgan, fast-tracked to be on the board of governors at the Federal Reserves, all with the help of his faithful sidekick, Accountant Prince Mammon. Driving a Toyota, with only three sets of bespoke suits-his most valuable possessions, Michael lives on the advice of Lucifier; that pride does not mean vain. Self-possession is of the utmost import; the true meaning of pride is to be; to be truthfully proud that others cannot resist but to admire. Of course on the bedroom front, Lucifer with the help of Prince 'Ass' Asmodeus has guided him to greatness. With an average sized penis, it had always been the main source of Michael's anguish. But with Lucifer's teachings and the deep knowledge of the Prince Asmodeus in the art of sex, Michael has been dominating the bedroom with his small penis, with many virgins fallen victim to his spellbinding charm. In an open relationship with the woman of his life, a desk clerk at an insurance company; she is not a super model, a shy girl but full of feminine energy who possesses such an open mind and understanding that no woman on Earth except her could be the one to share orgies with him and the Devil once in a while. Having Lucifer as a voice in your head as you are doing the business, offering instructions and hints is something out of this world and sex with the Devil in his human form is perfection to die for in Hell. Prince 'UrAnus' Sathanus and Prince 'Jimmies' Leviathan do not see eye to eye; they are like rival siblings, or two big brothers to Michael, always protective but always bickering about the tiny little things, yet both taught Michael great lessons in life. Prince Sathanus taught him how to stand up for himself, training him in the most deadly arts of combat and self defense skills that the Lord of Wrath jokingly said could 'beat the Doomsguy's green ass!' The Lord of Envy has taught him how to use his emotions, to channel his feelings into something useful, like a simple backstab, or a complicated scheme for the ultimate payback and the last laugh for wrongs wrought. And of course there is the other pair: Prince 'Pork' Beelzebub and Prince 'Potato' Belphegor. They are like the two bizarre and creepy uncles who are equally ginormous but to Michael are the most charming of the bunch. In fact, Michael admires them both only second to the Prince of Hell. The Lord of Gluttony inspires him because he is perpetually in his own 'hell' where he cycles himself between a few months of constant binging, on his own magnificent cookery to months of intense '300' style workouts. It is always a breath of fresh air to see him come out of the portal looking like Leonidas on the dinner table, after a long while being Jabba the Hutt dissing Prince Belphegor in their witty rap battles. In the Lord, Michael learns perseverance by only having to witness his pulsing abs and in the art of cuisine that adds so much spice to Life while the dishes send you to gustatory paradise. The Lord of Sloth is the most wise but cutting with words. Even Lord Hell calls him Master. Like an actual sloth, he does not move much, if at all, perpetually in his favorite upholstered couch. You can count on him to spew the most ingenious ideas and witty comments that are the source of Michael's many sub-holdings and killer pick-up lines. To Michael, the Lord is forever his lazy ass Sensei from whom he is forever trying to take the pebble off of his hand. The haunted house has been a vacation home for the Princes of Hell. An eternity of gratitude is not enough, Michael feels, for the guidance of these unsung 'villains'. Lucifer had told him not to blame God, that one must be patient. In this moment before leaving the Lords as they must attend to the business of Hell this cycle, Michael understood what the Lord of Darkness meant: Michael the mortal human is an agent of change and a grand plan awaits him just as it does for all. "We do not know when we'd be back. Remember that we will always be in your heart." The Lord Lucifer spoke again. "Best of luck, kiddo! Thanks for Korn! Awesome band, you filth! I will be listening for an eternity hahaha!" Lord Wrath with his raspy voice. "Remember my tenets, you tight square ass! Don't go over board! Sex once a week max! I prefer once every two weeks but I know you are horny as hell; apple doesn't fall far from the tree, you. Go crazy on the day, be my guest. Remember it is quality over quantity! Keep on banging!" Lord Lust gives a wink while doing the finger in the hole sex signal. "Don't you ever use long grained rice for Risotto, you piece of garbage! And if I ever see you with an ounce of extra fat, I am gonna whip you boy, you hear?! And always cook for Chelsea. If you don't treat her right, I will eat you!" Lord Gluttony gives the OK sign in Italian. "You know what to do. Just don't forget to always double check the balance sheets yourself. Gives them bastards no quarter!" A thumbs up from Lord Greed. "Remember what that asshole UrAnus taught you! But more importantly my tenet! Always go for the jugular! No mercy for the wicked! Don't stop your meditation in the morning, cause you know that I would know if you are slipping!" Lord Envy gives the pranamasana. "People unite for only two things: Hate and Love." Lord Sloth raises his hand as he is carried off by imps, the Shaka sign. The Princes follow Lucifer and enter the portal to Hell. The frozen wasteland closes off from view as the portal sucks itself into nothingness, leaving the few drifts of snow melting imperceptibly on the dusty floor. Wiping away the tear streaks, Michael dusts off his shoulders, adjusts his tie and walks up the creaky staircase.
[WP] A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they're all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.	Why? If you asked me how I first met the Deadly Seven, I wouldn't quite remember each introduction. I know it involved an old, old house that had seen brighter days long ago. I had, too. I can tell you why. The day I lugged my cardboard boxes into that rickety shed of a house was the darkest point in my life. I had no hope. no drive, no desires. The time passed, and I spent every day ruminating about my failures: what had gone wrong, what I could have done better, how terrible a human being I was, how the world would be better off if I had the courage to lift my weapon the few feet it took to put the barrel to my temple. And then one night, I saw her. She was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen in all my life, and yet it did not occur to me that such beauty did not belong in the shack I called home. She laid her hands on my shoulders and kissed my forehead. "You are better than them," she whispered in my ear. All thoughts of my death were forgotten as I looked her in the eye and saw myself as she saw me: a handsome young man in the prime of his life, against whom the world had conspired. She smiled at me and put a soft hand on my cheek. "Get up and prove it!" In the days to follow, I met her brothers and sisters. Demons, they were called. To my mind, however, they were saving graces. What would I have done without them? Her brother helped me acquire a job and clothes, all the comforts one could possibly want, and objects beyond that. Her other brother, as large and bovine as he was, helped me enjoy life again! I had an appetite! I enjoyed the flavors on my tongue and the feeling of food sliding down my throat! Her sister, so alike in appearance but different in her advice, helped me to see what I liked and disliked in others. Her hand, so lovingly placed on mine, guided it so that I could finally have what I saw others possess without toil and what I had always worked so hard for: respect, admiration, a car that didn't break down every two months. Their good brother helped me keep what is mine. So long, I had let others do what they wanted, but now! Now I had him at my ear, saying, "That's not fair!" or "That brown-noser deserves to go down." With their help, I moved up in my company at a pace that was blindingly fast to my coworkers. And when I thought I had it all, their next sibling sidled up to me and asked if I'd like a companion. This demon was actually an old friend, from before the house. When I was at my lowest, I had lost interest in all desires like food or sex. With my new companions, I could see now what made life worth living. I met a lady or two (or three), and though they were nice, with each person, I experimented and grew closer to discovering what I wanted in a partner. Maybe this is what I was missing all those years ago. When that happy demon family was firmly integrated into my life, and I worked hard and renovated that house to make it beautiful for all of us, I had the last sibling at the end of every day telling me to rest, to be content; there would be work enough for all of tomorrow's tomorrows. So at the end of the long work day, I sat on the couch with my demons and basked in their friendship. Eventually, the day came when I had to move on. I asked my friends if they were ultimately confined to the house. The oldest, the first one who had approached me, put her hand once again on my cheek. "As long as you will have us, we will be with you. And even when you're done with us, we'll be waiting until you want us again." Did she know what comfort that gave me? Did she know how warm I felt, knowing I would always have them to fall back on? I think she did. As she said, even when I thought I was done with them, they were waiting for me. Surrounded as I am by my second wife and many children and grandchildren, perhaps by obligation moreso than love, I can feel them waiting for me. I can feel myself yearning to go home. So that's why. That's why I cringe here before you. You, who call yourselves "The Virtues." Whatever did diligence, chastity, patience, kindness, temperance, charity or humility do for me? You tell me you were with me, you tell me I had only to seek you! You look at me with pity, but I have lived with these demons, and they alone will be with me for the rest of eternity.	"Get up boy! Do you know how far you have come? Twelves months ago, you came to hang yourself. Look at you now!" The dark and smoky voice of Lucifer. Michael gives the hand sign of the horns as an offer of thanks, the sign he was so familiar during his heavy metal teenage years. Lucifer had transformed himself into a handsome, well dressed, what Michael and every other guy dreamed of being, alpha male. He was told that Lucifer had always hated the form, instead preferring the comfortable skin of being a smoking hot woman. In the time since Michael came into the dilapidated house that no one dared approach, he is treated as royalty. Kneeling only to the ruler of Hell, he is the hand of the King, all other princes having to obey his every command per the decree of Prince Lucifer, Pride incarnate. Michael do not know why the King of Hell would choose him, a once-in his own words 'chronically depressed good-for-nothing human garbage bag.' He would have been a dime in a dozen of unremarkable men in the mortal coil. But in truth, the Devil has given him hope, who seems to have Life figured out, better than God himself. Raised a Catholic, Michael was ever the faithful but God had never answered any of his calls. Now a rising star, charted for greatness at JP. Morgan, fast-tracked to be on the board of governors at the Federal Reserves, all with the help of his faithful sidekick, Accountant Prince Mammon. Driving a Toyota, with only three sets of bespoke suits-his most valuable possessions, Michael lives on the advice of Lucifier; that pride does not mean vain. Self-possession is of the utmost import; the true meaning of pride is to be; to be truthfully proud that others cannot resist but to admire. Of course on the bedroom front, Lucifer with the help of Prince 'Ass' Asmodeus has guided him to greatness. With an average sized penis, it had always been the main source of Michael's anguish. But with Lucifer's teachings and the deep knowledge of the Prince Asmodeus in the art of sex, Michael has been dominating the bedroom with his small penis, with many virgins fallen victim to his spellbinding charm. In an open relationship with the woman of his life, a desk clerk at an insurance company; she is not a super model, a shy girl but full of feminine energy who possesses such an open mind and understanding that no woman on Earth except her could be the one to share orgies with him and the Devil once in a while. Having Lucifer as a voice in your head as you are doing the business, offering instructions and hints is something out of this world and sex with the Devil in his human form is perfection to die for in Hell. Prince 'UrAnus' Sathanus and Prince 'Jimmies' Leviathan do not see eye to eye; they are like rival siblings, or two big brothers to Michael, always protective but always bickering about the tiny little things, yet both taught Michael great lessons in life. Prince Sathanus taught him how to stand up for himself, training him in the most deadly arts of combat and self defense skills that the Lord of Wrath jokingly said could 'beat the Doomsguy's green ass!' The Lord of Envy has taught him how to use his emotions, to channel his feelings into something useful, like a simple backstab, or a complicated scheme for the ultimate payback and the last laugh for wrongs wrought. And of course there is the other pair: Prince 'Pork' Beelzebub and Prince 'Potato' Belphegor. They are like the two bizarre and creepy uncles who are equally ginormous but to Michael are the most charming of the bunch. In fact, Michael admires them both only second to the Prince of Hell. The Lord of Gluttony inspires him because he is perpetually in his own 'hell' where he cycles himself between a few months of constant binging, on his own magnificent cookery to months of intense '300' style workouts. It is always a breath of fresh air to see him come out of the portal looking like Leonidas on the dinner table, after a long while being Jabba the Hutt dissing Prince Belphegor in their witty rap battles. In the Lord, Michael learns perseverance by only having to witness his pulsing abs and in the art of cuisine that adds so much spice to Life while the dishes send you to gustatory paradise. The Lord of Sloth is the most wise but cutting with words. Even Lord Hell calls him Master. Like an actual sloth, he does not move much, if at all, perpetually in his favorite upholstered couch. You can count on him to spew the most ingenious ideas and witty comments that are the source of Michael's many sub-holdings and killer pick-up lines. To Michael, the Lord is forever his lazy ass Sensei from whom he is forever trying to take the pebble off of his hand. The haunted house has been a vacation home for the Princes of Hell. An eternity of gratitude is not enough, Michael feels, for the guidance of these unsung 'villains'. Lucifer had told him not to blame God, that one must be patient. In this moment before leaving the Lords as they must attend to the business of Hell this cycle, Michael understood what the Lord of Darkness meant: Michael the mortal human is an agent of change and a grand plan awaits him just as it does for all. "We do not know when we'd be back. Remember that we will always be in your heart." The Lord Lucifer spoke again. "Best of luck, kiddo! Thanks for Korn! Awesome band, you filth! I will be listening for an eternity hahaha!" Lord Wrath with his raspy voice. "Remember my tenets, you tight square ass! Don't go over board! Sex once a week max! I prefer once every two weeks but I know you are horny as hell; apple doesn't fall far from the tree, you. Go crazy on the day, be my guest. Remember it is quality over quantity! Keep on banging!" Lord Lust gives a wink while doing the finger in the hole sex signal. "Don't you ever use long grained rice for Risotto, you piece of garbage! And if I ever see you with an ounce of extra fat, I am gonna whip you boy, you hear?! And always cook for Chelsea. If you don't treat her right, I will eat you!" Lord Gluttony gives the OK sign in Italian. "You know what to do. Just don't forget to always double check the balance sheets yourself. Gives them bastards no quarter!" A thumbs up from Lord Greed. "Remember what that asshole UrAnus taught you! But more importantly my tenet! Always go for the jugular! No mercy for the wicked! Don't stop your meditation in the morning, cause you know that I would know if you are slipping!" Lord Envy gives the pranamasana. "People unite for only two things: Hate and Love." Lord Sloth raises his hand as he is carried off by imps, the Shaka sign. The Princes follow Lucifer and enter the portal to Hell. The frozen wasteland closes off from view as the portal sucks itself into nothingness, leaving the few drifts of snow melting imperceptibly on the dusty floor. Wiping away the tear streaks, Michael dusts off his shoulders, adjusts his tie and walks up the creaky staircase.
[WP] A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they're all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.	Room 332. When I got on the third floor, I asked a nurse where was Room 332. She pointed to the hallway on my right and said its on the end of the corridor. After walking a bit, I found Room 332. I then sat on the cold metallic seat and waited. A nurse then got out. "Excuse me, are you Alana Wright? Your boyfriend's awake." The nurse said. I immediately went in and I saw him. His skin looked yellow and he was weak. A bag by the side of his bed had some dark liquid. He turned his head and when he saw me, he smiled. "Alana," he said. "Come here." "Yeah babe?" I said. "Do you remember all those days when we first met at the shop? I'm going to tell you a story that has been eating at me for a while. It may sound crazy, but I want you to just believe me. No matter how weird you think it is. Okay?" He asked. "Sure," I said. "What is it about?" I asked. "It began when on a Monday evening, I went home from work. I was super tired and I just couldn't be bothered. The house was always dark, so I always had a light on no matter the time. I then took off my shoes, my socks, my tie, and went to the bedroom to rest. Suddenly, the roof creaked as if something is walking on it. I thought it was just some rats and so I didn't care. It was quite an old house anyway, and so I didn't care. As I laid there, my phone rang. I pulled it out of his pocket and it was Sharon. "Hey Henry! I need you to cover for me tomorrow. I'm currently sick and I need you to do it. Alright?" she said. "Uh I can-" I was about to say that I can't when she cut me off. "Fantastic! Thank you so much Henry!" Sharon replied, immediately hanging up. She was always like that. She always had a ton of excuses to give just to skip work. Even though she said she was sick, she's probably just relaxing at home with her boyfriend or something, leaving me to cover her, and so I always do double the work. I then fell asleep. I was suddenly awoken from my sleep when I heard the wood creaking again. It sounded as if it was coming from the attic. I thought that it was rats again, until it happened again. Half asleep, I decided to investigate. So I got up, picked up a shoe, and went up into the attic. I opened the attic door, and climbed up the stairs. I then turned on the light and found that there was nothing there. It was the rats. I then turned around when I heard this voice. "Henry", a soft female voice whispered. I turned around, and saw a woman standing right in front of me. Probably just a few feet away. I was shocked and I screamed, thinking they were robbers or something. I was just about to run when I noticed that now the attic was empty, there were no stairs, no door. I panicked. I looked back and now I saw six more figures." "A woman? Six more figures?" I interrupted. "As I said, just believe me for a second. "Please do not scream. We're not going to harm you." the woman said. When I heard her voice, it had seemed so unreal. As if I was dreaming. "Who are you?" I asked. "My name is Pride. The woman to my left is called Lust, and the man to the right of me is called Wrath", the figure on the left of her responded. He was muscular, handsome, and his silky smooth baritone voice projected this sense of respect. Now I was never the religious type. I was raised in a Catholic family, but after my parents died I stopped believing. "Wait a minute, Wrath? Pride? Lust? The seven deadly sins? I must be dreaming," I said. It was so unreal. "When you first came here five days ago, we tried to stay silent. Ever since we lived here we always stayed silent. But when you came, we can't stay silent. You were always unfortunate, and you seem so.....lifeless. And we couldn't bear to see you like that. We know about work and Alana. We just....wanted to help you." Lust said. Then I asked how did she knew about work and you. And the male figure on her left said that they often checked on me because they were worried, except for one, Sloth, who stayed. "Whatever you do, please know that we are here now." she said. A really bright light then hit me and I was blinded. I couldn't see anything. I then woke up, sweating. I checked my phone. It said that it was 4.30 AM. I looked around. It was all a dream, I thought. It was just some work stress or something. Suddenly I heard a voice. "No it ain't", it said. I looked over to my left, to a chair, and I saw this figure. He was a bit chubby. He was bald. He looked a bit like old John. "I'm Gluttony." the man responded. "I'm turning crazy. I'm definitely turning crazy." I thought to myself. "No you ain't. We're all real and we're all worried about you." he responded. "The hell? You can read my mind? How?" I asked. "We're supernatural. We can do anything. Oh yeah, I forgot, I got something for you. It's in the kitchen if you want." the man said. Of course I was confused. What was in the kitchen? Maybe I am losing my mind and I was in denial. But I was curious, and so I got up and walked to the kitchen. The man walked along with me. When I got there, I saw this big plate with a fish steak and some red wine. I was flattered and he told me to eat it. "I was going to eat it, but I thought it'll be better for you to eat it. Your saving has made you famished." he said. I asked from where did he get said steak, but he said that I shouldn't worry and I should just eat it. As I was eating it, I can see from my peripheral that he's staring as if he was transfixed by the steak. Every time I looked up, he would turn his gaze, but I knew he wanted this so bad. But he was that kind to let me eat it instead. It was so good. I haven't eaten in a while because I was trying to save money. A few hours later, I went to work. As I was cataloging the items in the storage room, I heard someone come in. It was about 8 in the morning, and so it shouldn't be a customer. But I was just trying to do Sharon's work as fast as possible so I can focus on mine. Then the storage room door opened and someone asked me where Sharon was. I said that she was sick and I was covering for her. It was you. You were searching for her for something, I forgot, but at the time I wasn't confident enough." "It was a technical thing, the cash register can't detect the barcodes." "Oh right. But anyways, you then left. As you close the door, Pride showed up. "The fuck you doing man? She needs help, help her! You know about computers and stuff don't you? Help her then!". He said it with such pride. It was almost narcissistic. I said that while I do know it, I wasn't brave enough. I can't do it. You were so beautiful, and I just don't feel that you were worthy of me. He shouted at me that I am the most handsome individual on this earth and that I am worthy of you. I should get out there and help you. And then Lust showed up too, and gave me the same shouting. I collected my mind, and I got out and asked you what the problem was. And then you said-" "Yeah yeah, I said that it was nothing but you persisted. And you actually fixed it. It was wonderful." "I know. After that when I came back to the storage room I was so happy that I did that. Pride and Lust looked so happy with me finally cracking a smile. They then disappeared." "When they appeared and disappeared, did they have like a smoke or something like in the movies?" "No, they were just...there. No smoke no nothing. One second its nothing then you blink and there they were. But anyway. When I got home, Sharon called me again and asked whether or not I did her cataloging or not. I said I did and she was satisfied.	"Get up boy! Do you know how far you have come? Twelves months ago, you came to hang yourself. Look at you now!" The dark and smoky voice of Lucifer. Michael gives the hand sign of the horns as an offer of thanks, the sign he was so familiar during his heavy metal teenage years. Lucifer had transformed himself into a handsome, well dressed, what Michael and every other guy dreamed of being, alpha male. He was told that Lucifer had always hated the form, instead preferring the comfortable skin of being a smoking hot woman. In the time since Michael came into the dilapidated house that no one dared approach, he is treated as royalty. Kneeling only to the ruler of Hell, he is the hand of the King, all other princes having to obey his every command per the decree of Prince Lucifer, Pride incarnate. Michael do not know why the King of Hell would choose him, a once-in his own words 'chronically depressed good-for-nothing human garbage bag.' He would have been a dime in a dozen of unremarkable men in the mortal coil. But in truth, the Devil has given him hope, who seems to have Life figured out, better than God himself. Raised a Catholic, Michael was ever the faithful but God had never answered any of his calls. Now a rising star, charted for greatness at JP. Morgan, fast-tracked to be on the board of governors at the Federal Reserves, all with the help of his faithful sidekick, Accountant Prince Mammon. Driving a Toyota, with only three sets of bespoke suits-his most valuable possessions, Michael lives on the advice of Lucifier; that pride does not mean vain. Self-possession is of the utmost import; the true meaning of pride is to be; to be truthfully proud that others cannot resist but to admire. Of course on the bedroom front, Lucifer with the help of Prince 'Ass' Asmodeus has guided him to greatness. With an average sized penis, it had always been the main source of Michael's anguish. But with Lucifer's teachings and the deep knowledge of the Prince Asmodeus in the art of sex, Michael has been dominating the bedroom with his small penis, with many virgins fallen victim to his spellbinding charm. In an open relationship with the woman of his life, a desk clerk at an insurance company; she is not a super model, a shy girl but full of feminine energy who possesses such an open mind and understanding that no woman on Earth except her could be the one to share orgies with him and the Devil once in a while. Having Lucifer as a voice in your head as you are doing the business, offering instructions and hints is something out of this world and sex with the Devil in his human form is perfection to die for in Hell. Prince 'UrAnus' Sathanus and Prince 'Jimmies' Leviathan do not see eye to eye; they are like rival siblings, or two big brothers to Michael, always protective but always bickering about the tiny little things, yet both taught Michael great lessons in life. Prince Sathanus taught him how to stand up for himself, training him in the most deadly arts of combat and self defense skills that the Lord of Wrath jokingly said could 'beat the Doomsguy's green ass!' The Lord of Envy has taught him how to use his emotions, to channel his feelings into something useful, like a simple backstab, or a complicated scheme for the ultimate payback and the last laugh for wrongs wrought. And of course there is the other pair: Prince 'Pork' Beelzebub and Prince 'Potato' Belphegor. They are like the two bizarre and creepy uncles who are equally ginormous but to Michael are the most charming of the bunch. In fact, Michael admires them both only second to the Prince of Hell. The Lord of Gluttony inspires him because he is perpetually in his own 'hell' where he cycles himself between a few months of constant binging, on his own magnificent cookery to months of intense '300' style workouts. It is always a breath of fresh air to see him come out of the portal looking like Leonidas on the dinner table, after a long while being Jabba the Hutt dissing Prince Belphegor in their witty rap battles. In the Lord, Michael learns perseverance by only having to witness his pulsing abs and in the art of cuisine that adds so much spice to Life while the dishes send you to gustatory paradise. The Lord of Sloth is the most wise but cutting with words. Even Lord Hell calls him Master. Like an actual sloth, he does not move much, if at all, perpetually in his favorite upholstered couch. You can count on him to spew the most ingenious ideas and witty comments that are the source of Michael's many sub-holdings and killer pick-up lines. To Michael, the Lord is forever his lazy ass Sensei from whom he is forever trying to take the pebble off of his hand. The haunted house has been a vacation home for the Princes of Hell. An eternity of gratitude is not enough, Michael feels, for the guidance of these unsung 'villains'. Lucifer had told him not to blame God, that one must be patient. In this moment before leaving the Lords as they must attend to the business of Hell this cycle, Michael understood what the Lord of Darkness meant: Michael the mortal human is an agent of change and a grand plan awaits him just as it does for all. "We do not know when we'd be back. Remember that we will always be in your heart." The Lord Lucifer spoke again. "Best of luck, kiddo! Thanks for Korn! Awesome band, you filth! I will be listening for an eternity hahaha!" Lord Wrath with his raspy voice. "Remember my tenets, you tight square ass! Don't go over board! Sex once a week max! I prefer once every two weeks but I know you are horny as hell; apple doesn't fall far from the tree, you. Go crazy on the day, be my guest. Remember it is quality over quantity! Keep on banging!" Lord Lust gives a wink while doing the finger in the hole sex signal. "Don't you ever use long grained rice for Risotto, you piece of garbage! And if I ever see you with an ounce of extra fat, I am gonna whip you boy, you hear?! And always cook for Chelsea. If you don't treat her right, I will eat you!" Lord Gluttony gives the OK sign in Italian. "You know what to do. Just don't forget to always double check the balance sheets yourself. Gives them bastards no quarter!" A thumbs up from Lord Greed. "Remember what that asshole UrAnus taught you! But more importantly my tenet! Always go for the jugular! No mercy for the wicked! Don't stop your meditation in the morning, cause you know that I would know if you are slipping!" Lord Envy gives the pranamasana. "People unite for only two things: Hate and Love." Lord Sloth raises his hand as he is carried off by imps, the Shaka sign. The Princes follow Lucifer and enter the portal to Hell. The frozen wasteland closes off from view as the portal sucks itself into nothingness, leaving the few drifts of snow melting imperceptibly on the dusty floor. Wiping away the tear streaks, Michael dusts off his shoulders, adjusts his tie and walks up the creaky staircase.
[WP] A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they're all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.	"Come on Eric, you really need to eat something. I know you don't want to, but that hunger pain in your gut isn't going to go away on its own", said Gluttony. "Nobody is judging you Eric. Besides, caring what other people think of you is fruitless. The trick is learning to love yourself the way you are", said Sloth. "You can be just as happy as the couple in this movie, Eric. When you're ready and the timing is right, you will find love too", said Lust. "Sure this house isn't the nicest place, but things will get better at work and you'll be able to live where you want to", said Greed. "Stop beating yourself up. Depression is painful but it doesn't mean you're weak. It's a long fight and you'll lose some battles, but you can win the war if you keep fighting", said Wrath. "You aren't the only one who struggling with this. Even though they have the fancy car, nice job, and big family they feel the same way sometimes. Everyone faces the darkness at some point", said Envy "You just don't understand!" said Eric, "I'm fucking cursed. Nothing takes away the pain, nothing fills the emptiness, nothing makes me feel...anything! It's like being stuck in an endless cycling void that keeps getting darker and colder and none of you bastards knows what that's like. Just shut up and leave me alone!" "We do know Eric", said Pride. "We know what it's like to be trapped, stuck in the darkness with our pain forever. That's what being a ghost is. Each of us has become that pain that plagued us in life. We want to help you, to keep you from becoming one of us. But we can't force that to happen. The first thing that you have to do is accept that this is your burden. No it isn't fair, but it's your's nonetheless." "Fine! I accept it! I'm fucking cursed, didn't you hear me?!" "Good. Now let us teach you how to deal with curses."	"Get up boy! Do you know how far you have come? Twelves months ago, you came to hang yourself. Look at you now!" The dark and smoky voice of Lucifer. Michael gives the hand sign of the horns as an offer of thanks, the sign he was so familiar during his heavy metal teenage years. Lucifer had transformed himself into a handsome, well dressed, what Michael and every other guy dreamed of being, alpha male. He was told that Lucifer had always hated the form, instead preferring the comfortable skin of being a smoking hot woman. In the time since Michael came into the dilapidated house that no one dared approach, he is treated as royalty. Kneeling only to the ruler of Hell, he is the hand of the King, all other princes having to obey his every command per the decree of Prince Lucifer, Pride incarnate. Michael do not know why the King of Hell would choose him, a once-in his own words 'chronically depressed good-for-nothing human garbage bag.' He would have been a dime in a dozen of unremarkable men in the mortal coil. But in truth, the Devil has given him hope, who seems to have Life figured out, better than God himself. Raised a Catholic, Michael was ever the faithful but God had never answered any of his calls. Now a rising star, charted for greatness at JP. Morgan, fast-tracked to be on the board of governors at the Federal Reserves, all with the help of his faithful sidekick, Accountant Prince Mammon. Driving a Toyota, with only three sets of bespoke suits-his most valuable possessions, Michael lives on the advice of Lucifier; that pride does not mean vain. Self-possession is of the utmost import; the true meaning of pride is to be; to be truthfully proud that others cannot resist but to admire. Of course on the bedroom front, Lucifer with the help of Prince 'Ass' Asmodeus has guided him to greatness. With an average sized penis, it had always been the main source of Michael's anguish. But with Lucifer's teachings and the deep knowledge of the Prince Asmodeus in the art of sex, Michael has been dominating the bedroom with his small penis, with many virgins fallen victim to his spellbinding charm. In an open relationship with the woman of his life, a desk clerk at an insurance company; she is not a super model, a shy girl but full of feminine energy who possesses such an open mind and understanding that no woman on Earth except her could be the one to share orgies with him and the Devil once in a while. Having Lucifer as a voice in your head as you are doing the business, offering instructions and hints is something out of this world and sex with the Devil in his human form is perfection to die for in Hell. Prince 'UrAnus' Sathanus and Prince 'Jimmies' Leviathan do not see eye to eye; they are like rival siblings, or two big brothers to Michael, always protective but always bickering about the tiny little things, yet both taught Michael great lessons in life. Prince Sathanus taught him how to stand up for himself, training him in the most deadly arts of combat and self defense skills that the Lord of Wrath jokingly said could 'beat the Doomsguy's green ass!' The Lord of Envy has taught him how to use his emotions, to channel his feelings into something useful, like a simple backstab, or a complicated scheme for the ultimate payback and the last laugh for wrongs wrought. And of course there is the other pair: Prince 'Pork' Beelzebub and Prince 'Potato' Belphegor. They are like the two bizarre and creepy uncles who are equally ginormous but to Michael are the most charming of the bunch. In fact, Michael admires them both only second to the Prince of Hell. The Lord of Gluttony inspires him because he is perpetually in his own 'hell' where he cycles himself between a few months of constant binging, on his own magnificent cookery to months of intense '300' style workouts. It is always a breath of fresh air to see him come out of the portal looking like Leonidas on the dinner table, after a long while being Jabba the Hutt dissing Prince Belphegor in their witty rap battles. In the Lord, Michael learns perseverance by only having to witness his pulsing abs and in the art of cuisine that adds so much spice to Life while the dishes send you to gustatory paradise. The Lord of Sloth is the most wise but cutting with words. Even Lord Hell calls him Master. Like an actual sloth, he does not move much, if at all, perpetually in his favorite upholstered couch. You can count on him to spew the most ingenious ideas and witty comments that are the source of Michael's many sub-holdings and killer pick-up lines. To Michael, the Lord is forever his lazy ass Sensei from whom he is forever trying to take the pebble off of his hand. The haunted house has been a vacation home for the Princes of Hell. An eternity of gratitude is not enough, Michael feels, for the guidance of these unsung 'villains'. Lucifer had told him not to blame God, that one must be patient. In this moment before leaving the Lords as they must attend to the business of Hell this cycle, Michael understood what the Lord of Darkness meant: Michael the mortal human is an agent of change and a grand plan awaits him just as it does for all. "We do not know when we'd be back. Remember that we will always be in your heart." The Lord Lucifer spoke again. "Best of luck, kiddo! Thanks for Korn! Awesome band, you filth! I will be listening for an eternity hahaha!" Lord Wrath with his raspy voice. "Remember my tenets, you tight square ass! Don't go over board! Sex once a week max! I prefer once every two weeks but I know you are horny as hell; apple doesn't fall far from the tree, you. Go crazy on the day, be my guest. Remember it is quality over quantity! Keep on banging!" Lord Lust gives a wink while doing the finger in the hole sex signal. "Don't you ever use long grained rice for Risotto, you piece of garbage! And if I ever see you with an ounce of extra fat, I am gonna whip you boy, you hear?! And always cook for Chelsea. If you don't treat her right, I will eat you!" Lord Gluttony gives the OK sign in Italian. "You know what to do. Just don't forget to always double check the balance sheets yourself. Gives them bastards no quarter!" A thumbs up from Lord Greed. "Remember what that asshole UrAnus taught you! But more importantly my tenet! Always go for the jugular! No mercy for the wicked! Don't stop your meditation in the morning, cause you know that I would know if you are slipping!" Lord Envy gives the pranamasana. "People unite for only two things: Hate and Love." Lord Sloth raises his hand as he is carried off by imps, the Shaka sign. The Princes follow Lucifer and enter the portal to Hell. The frozen wasteland closes off from view as the portal sucks itself into nothingness, leaving the few drifts of snow melting imperceptibly on the dusty floor. Wiping away the tear streaks, Michael dusts off his shoulders, adjusts his tie and walks up the creaky staircase.
[WP] A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they're all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.	"Well I guess this is it," he said to himself as he opened the door to his new apartment, "welcome to the pits of hell, Jeremy. It's not like life could get much worse." Oh look fresh meat. Maybe this time the other girls won't mess this up. I mean really. How hard is it to get one little human back on his feet. Hell its not like I'm the embodiment of Pride or anything. "Hey, Page, don't you even think about it. You know what happened last time," a voice seethed at me. "It's all the more reason to help this time. It can't go that far south again. We know better this time," I tried to plead with Grace, little miss greedy pants. You see, even though we are suppose to be the "seven deadly sins" we aren't the big guys. More like one of the trial runs. So not only am I a cast away of what I could have been, I am trapped in this little building until some idiot let's us out. You would think in this day and age it would be easier but noooo. "Well if we can use him to gain power and, and," that is Lily. Well really her name is Lilith, but no one here calls her that. Lily was suppose to be Lust, but she fell short of the whole love trope when she found her power over people. So now she chases any form of power over anyone else. "Why, so he can become some big wig, have all those girls fawn over him, make lots of money, and then some chick convinces him to leave us? For what? Just so he leaves with out freeing us like that other one? I for one don't want to help anyone again," that would Erin, better known to the demon community as one of the Envy failures. "Come on! We have to do this to prove ourselves. We may not be The Seven, but we are a seven. We just need out of here. Then we won't need each other's permission any more!" It's the same story over and over for me. The first few times it was easy for me to convince them all. It's gotten harder and harder since then though. Grace doesn't want to spend her time, Sabrina doesn't want to put in the work, Erin doesn't want to loose the love and devotion, on and on. But there is one of us that going can always count on. We hear a scream in one of the rooms. It's our new friend and. Well it's Miss Wanda, resident Wrath. "No better way to let him know about us then to scare the shit out of him," she says, "plus I got sick of listening to you all bitch and complain with Page. It's the same story over and over." She looks down at Jeremy and smiles. Now something I should let you in on, our new friend can't see us, can't hear us, has no idea we are even there, unless we want him too. Miss Wanda likes to just fill a room when she introduces herself. It gets all cold and you feel very disapproved of it's all for show of course. Or, well so I think. "No! Don't touch me!" Jeremy is yelling again. "Hey! Give it back!" Well that would be number 7, Gabriella, also known as, wanna be Gluttony. Except instead of food Gabby here likes to consume money. Any kind. As we are watching Miss Wanda and Jeremy, his wallet just floats across the room, only to disappear before his eyes. Or to ours right into Gabby's mouth. "Stop it! All of you!" I make sure to let Jeremy hear my voice too this time," how are we going to get him to let us out if all your doing is scarring him?" A chair appears in the room and Erin pushes Jeremy into it. At this point we are all just a shadowy figure to him. But he can at least see us now. "Look dude," Grace says, struggling with the word dude, we are from a time long before language was a thing after all, "let's not waste any more time with this. We need you to let us out of this cage, to do that we need to help you reach your desires. So without wasting my time, what do you desire most?" He looks around at us all. By this time we are starting to actually look like people to him. "This apartment is too small for all of this," he moans as he looks around at all of us. ** A few weeks later and Jeremy has started getting use to us. Finally. He now keeps his wallet away from Gabby, but brings in a few coins for her at the end of the day. That seems to make her happy. He spends hours working with Lily after work now. They talk about his job, how to make the smart moves to get promoted. Who might be able to help him. And it seems like it is working for him. Grace and Sabrina tend to avoid him though. He's a waste of time. There is no way I'm working that much, blah blah blah. What do you expect from the greediest and laziest people around. Erin is the one I'm most proud of though. Jeremy has this guy who comes over all the time. He's the only person he talks to more then Lily. His name is Bobby. A few days ago Erin walked in on the two of them. They were asleep on the couch, and Jeremy was laying on Bobby. Miss Wanda watched Erin as she pulled blankets over them and turned the tv off. After the last guy who came through here, this was never something we thought Erin would do. Maybe the last guy just drained it all out of her. "I think you could actually do that! You would have your own power to make your own choices!" Lily has been yelling for the last few minutes about some self employment idea that Jeremy has been going on about. "I don't know, there is just some much at risk if it doesn't work out right." "But what if it does?! You have Bobby and us here for you! I mean you could be doing a lot worse with your time after all," wow, what ever this is even got Grace in to it. "Miss Wanda, what do you think? Going out on my own like this, starting an IT company on my own, what if it just doesn't work out?" "What your doing now isn't working out now. So why stay? You can go and do this, and try to do your own thing and not know what will come next or you can be a lazy, go with the flow idiot." Well then, we know where Miss Wanda stands. "Hey, Ladies," Jeremy called us all into his living room, "hey what is this thing?" "Well, you know how when you first moved in two years ago and we scared you and all?" Erin pipes up, "well so you see, like we told you then, we are kinda trapped here. We can't leave." "Unless you open that and let us go," Grace finishes. "Where would you go? What would you do?" Jeremy looked at us all. We hadn't really talked about the prison we were in since that first day. "Well we would be able to leave here, see what else is out there," this was Lily, "we have done so much for you, please, the fact that the lock has appeared means we really have helped you reach your desires! Please let us out!" Jeremy looked at the lock, it was a big cylinder stone with a smaller button on the top. It was black with white thread like blemishes on it. He looked at us all. He looked so different then he did two years ago. "But, what will I do without you all? When I moved in here I didn't think I would still be here now. Honestly if it wasn't for Miss Wanda and Erin I probably wouldn't still be here. And then Lily pushed me with work and Gabby caused me to same money. Grace and Sabrina showed me there are more important things then just working. And I have Bobby, hell we are going to get married soon and that's because of you Page. Everything I have is because of you all." Jeremy started to cry. Bobby walked in, right through me, "Jeremy, what's wrong. What the hell is that?" We all sat around and watched the two of them as Jeremy explained everything. ** It has been about five years now since Jeremy let us go, but nothing has really changed. Most everyone comes and goes a lot and Miss Wanda hasn't been back yet, but that's okay. Jeremy and Bobby have a little girl now, Megan. Now, even though we are free it we get to watch all of them. Help them. I guess it was a good thing that we didn't make it as The Seven and are just a seven.	"Get up boy! Do you know how far you have come? Twelves months ago, you came to hang yourself. Look at you now!" The dark and smoky voice of Lucifer. Michael gives the hand sign of the horns as an offer of thanks, the sign he was so familiar during his heavy metal teenage years. Lucifer had transformed himself into a handsome, well dressed, what Michael and every other guy dreamed of being, alpha male. He was told that Lucifer had always hated the form, instead preferring the comfortable skin of being a smoking hot woman. In the time since Michael came into the dilapidated house that no one dared approach, he is treated as royalty. Kneeling only to the ruler of Hell, he is the hand of the King, all other princes having to obey his every command per the decree of Prince Lucifer, Pride incarnate. Michael do not know why the King of Hell would choose him, a once-in his own words 'chronically depressed good-for-nothing human garbage bag.' He would have been a dime in a dozen of unremarkable men in the mortal coil. But in truth, the Devil has given him hope, who seems to have Life figured out, better than God himself. Raised a Catholic, Michael was ever the faithful but God had never answered any of his calls. Now a rising star, charted for greatness at JP. Morgan, fast-tracked to be on the board of governors at the Federal Reserves, all with the help of his faithful sidekick, Accountant Prince Mammon. Driving a Toyota, with only three sets of bespoke suits-his most valuable possessions, Michael lives on the advice of Lucifier; that pride does not mean vain. Self-possession is of the utmost import; the true meaning of pride is to be; to be truthfully proud that others cannot resist but to admire. Of course on the bedroom front, Lucifer with the help of Prince 'Ass' Asmodeus has guided him to greatness. With an average sized penis, it had always been the main source of Michael's anguish. But with Lucifer's teachings and the deep knowledge of the Prince Asmodeus in the art of sex, Michael has been dominating the bedroom with his small penis, with many virgins fallen victim to his spellbinding charm. In an open relationship with the woman of his life, a desk clerk at an insurance company; she is not a super model, a shy girl but full of feminine energy who possesses such an open mind and understanding that no woman on Earth except her could be the one to share orgies with him and the Devil once in a while. Having Lucifer as a voice in your head as you are doing the business, offering instructions and hints is something out of this world and sex with the Devil in his human form is perfection to die for in Hell. Prince 'UrAnus' Sathanus and Prince 'Jimmies' Leviathan do not see eye to eye; they are like rival siblings, or two big brothers to Michael, always protective but always bickering about the tiny little things, yet both taught Michael great lessons in life. Prince Sathanus taught him how to stand up for himself, training him in the most deadly arts of combat and self defense skills that the Lord of Wrath jokingly said could 'beat the Doomsguy's green ass!' The Lord of Envy has taught him how to use his emotions, to channel his feelings into something useful, like a simple backstab, or a complicated scheme for the ultimate payback and the last laugh for wrongs wrought. And of course there is the other pair: Prince 'Pork' Beelzebub and Prince 'Potato' Belphegor. They are like the two bizarre and creepy uncles who are equally ginormous but to Michael are the most charming of the bunch. In fact, Michael admires them both only second to the Prince of Hell. The Lord of Gluttony inspires him because he is perpetually in his own 'hell' where he cycles himself between a few months of constant binging, on his own magnificent cookery to months of intense '300' style workouts. It is always a breath of fresh air to see him come out of the portal looking like Leonidas on the dinner table, after a long while being Jabba the Hutt dissing Prince Belphegor in their witty rap battles. In the Lord, Michael learns perseverance by only having to witness his pulsing abs and in the art of cuisine that adds so much spice to Life while the dishes send you to gustatory paradise. The Lord of Sloth is the most wise but cutting with words. Even Lord Hell calls him Master. Like an actual sloth, he does not move much, if at all, perpetually in his favorite upholstered couch. You can count on him to spew the most ingenious ideas and witty comments that are the source of Michael's many sub-holdings and killer pick-up lines. To Michael, the Lord is forever his lazy ass Sensei from whom he is forever trying to take the pebble off of his hand. The haunted house has been a vacation home for the Princes of Hell. An eternity of gratitude is not enough, Michael feels, for the guidance of these unsung 'villains'. Lucifer had told him not to blame God, that one must be patient. In this moment before leaving the Lords as they must attend to the business of Hell this cycle, Michael understood what the Lord of Darkness meant: Michael the mortal human is an agent of change and a grand plan awaits him just as it does for all. "We do not know when we'd be back. Remember that we will always be in your heart." The Lord Lucifer spoke again. "Best of luck, kiddo! Thanks for Korn! Awesome band, you filth! I will be listening for an eternity hahaha!" Lord Wrath with his raspy voice. "Remember my tenets, you tight square ass! Don't go over board! Sex once a week max! I prefer once every two weeks but I know you are horny as hell; apple doesn't fall far from the tree, you. Go crazy on the day, be my guest. Remember it is quality over quantity! Keep on banging!" Lord Lust gives a wink while doing the finger in the hole sex signal. "Don't you ever use long grained rice for Risotto, you piece of garbage! And if I ever see you with an ounce of extra fat, I am gonna whip you boy, you hear?! And always cook for Chelsea. If you don't treat her right, I will eat you!" Lord Gluttony gives the OK sign in Italian. "You know what to do. Just don't forget to always double check the balance sheets yourself. Gives them bastards no quarter!" A thumbs up from Lord Greed. "Remember what that asshole UrAnus taught you! But more importantly my tenet! Always go for the jugular! No mercy for the wicked! Don't stop your meditation in the morning, cause you know that I would know if you are slipping!" Lord Envy gives the pranamasana. "People unite for only two things: Hate and Love." Lord Sloth raises his hand as he is carried off by imps, the Shaka sign. The Princes follow Lucifer and enter the portal to Hell. The frozen wasteland closes off from view as the portal sucks itself into nothingness, leaving the few drifts of snow melting imperceptibly on the dusty floor. Wiping away the tear streaks, Michael dusts off his shoulders, adjusts his tie and walks up the creaky staircase.
[WP] A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they're all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.	Nobody likes moving house. It's tedious, a boring chore that everybody seems to go through at least once in their life. Some celebrate the change, others loathe the change, but nobody enjoys the moving. I didn't enjoy the move either, but that doesn't surprise me. I don't enjoy much of anything. I don't dislike much either. Mostly life just passes me by. I'm a passenger in my own vehicle, always staring out of the window but never taking the wheel. Until I moved. Who knew that a few old demons, far beyond their prime and banished to the realm of superstition, could do that which the medicine could not? Ancient beings succeeding where modern practice failed. It started with Sloth. Ambivalence was old hat to me, I had known weeks to flash before my eyes as I passed through them in a daze, rarely leaving my bed even to use the bathroom. That's what got me kicked out, the reason I moved into this house. My sister finally gave up. She spent so long trying, and failing, to push me into the outside world, but I would not leave. I was a bird happy to stay in my nest. So they took away my nest and told me to learn to fly. I thought it was a side effect of the new prescription at first. I'd hear a voice telling me to move, to get up, to do something, anything. He'd stand there, berating me for being so lazy, such a waste of potential. "There is only a time to relax when you have a reason to act." I had finally snapped, I was hearing the voices, soon I'd be in a padded cell wearing a hug-jacket and sipping opiates out of a toddler's cup. Then it hit me. Well... he hit me. It's hard to tell yourself something isn't real when it breaks your nose. He started with teaching me how to truly enjoy my time doing nothing. Which is to say, he found tasks for me to do. I discovered a world I had never known existed, a world of autonomy, where I made the decision to act, not for my sister, not for my doctor, not even for Sloth. For myself. From that new world, my old world evolved. Sitting on the sofa, watching the clock tick by and dreaming of a world in which I mattered, transformed into sweet relief. Release from the satisfying aches and pains, both physical and mental, which signified a productive day. Watching television became a luxury, the time I had for it growing ever shorter, the shows I watched becoming that much more intense as I had to pick only that which I truly wanted to watch. Under Sloth I became active, but Gluttony was the first to help me channel my newfound lease on life. She gave me a cookbook on our first meeting, 'Simple Meals For The Single Man'. Simple though the meals may have been, learning to cook was not. I've lost count of the times I've failed to create a palatable dish. Countless plates have been hurled, inedible failure and all, at my critical sous chef. She was always bitter to see food go wasted by my lack of talents, and always free to inform me of my culinary sins. Time and practice make perfect though. Her criticisms slowly morphed into grudging compliments, then into showers of praise. Now I can barely cook enough to satisfy her. Envy came to me next. He pointed to the other men in the neighborhood, focusing on the perfection of their physical form. The sculpted muscles, the perfect haircuts, the whitest smiles. All of it could be mine, he would say, if I wished it so. He taught me how to take care of myself, to turn my desires into reality. I stopped wishing I was others, and became that which others wished to be. Soon I was at my peak, I had become all that I could physically be. But I was still weak in my mind. I had no confidence, no belief in my self. And then there was Pride. Pride was exactly as you would expect. He bowed to no other, he respected only those who earned his respect, and he made those who did not earn it crave it even more. He was the lion in the savannah of my home. I clashed with him often at first, he looked down on me like trash, and in my mind I was living with my sister again. I lowered my head every time. Afraid that I would anger him, that by refusing to bow before him he would spare me no shame. One day I could stand no more, he called me scum and I shook with rage, fury flowing through my soul. The fires of hell were burning in my eyes, and my blood screamed through my veins. As Sloth bloodied my nose, so I bloodied Pride's. That was the first time Wrath made herself known to me, and the first time Pride looked upon me with respect. The two of them became my closest companions for a time, they helped me become strong of soul, not just of body. To bend with force, but to never break. While Pride showed me what I should stand for, Wrath showed me how to fight for it. She beat her lessons into me, every bruise a new skill learned. Every broken bone was to be worn with pride, for she only broke me when she was beaten. I became stronger under her by learning how to use the strength I had, how to unleash my anger and channel my rage. It was never enough to merely beat an enemy, they must be taught to never again challenge my authority. Lust showed me how to love another. She was there on every first date, hiding from all but me, whispers of encouragement falling from her soft lips, caressing my ears with a sensual touch. She taught me how to take that feeling, and how to share it with another, to revel in the sensations that mere words could invoke. Reveling in the sensation of words turned into reveling in the sensations of flesh. The rolling of hips, the ghostly touch of a woman's breath in my ear, the throes of pleasure. All these, and more, became mine to experience. And when I had learned how to love the body of another, I came to understand how to love the soul of another. When Greed finally came to me years had passed. I was no longer the shell of man that I had been, I was the best I could be, I had become all that I could ever desire to be and more. So I turned him away. He had no more to offer me than that which was already within my grasp. Nobody likes moving house, but I'm glad I did. Thanks for reading if you made it this far. This is actually the first piece I've written in about five years and I did it all in one shot, so I apologise if it seems a bit inconsistent! Please feel free to leave any criticism below, and be as brutal as possible on what I can do better.	"Get up boy! Do you know how far you have come? Twelves months ago, you came to hang yourself. Look at you now!" The dark and smoky voice of Lucifer. Michael gives the hand sign of the horns as an offer of thanks, the sign he was so familiar during his heavy metal teenage years. Lucifer had transformed himself into a handsome, well dressed, what Michael and every other guy dreamed of being, alpha male. He was told that Lucifer had always hated the form, instead preferring the comfortable skin of being a smoking hot woman. In the time since Michael came into the dilapidated house that no one dared approach, he is treated as royalty. Kneeling only to the ruler of Hell, he is the hand of the King, all other princes having to obey his every command per the decree of Prince Lucifer, Pride incarnate. Michael do not know why the King of Hell would choose him, a once-in his own words 'chronically depressed good-for-nothing human garbage bag.' He would have been a dime in a dozen of unremarkable men in the mortal coil. But in truth, the Devil has given him hope, who seems to have Life figured out, better than God himself. Raised a Catholic, Michael was ever the faithful but God had never answered any of his calls. Now a rising star, charted for greatness at JP. Morgan, fast-tracked to be on the board of governors at the Federal Reserves, all with the help of his faithful sidekick, Accountant Prince Mammon. Driving a Toyota, with only three sets of bespoke suits-his most valuable possessions, Michael lives on the advice of Lucifier; that pride does not mean vain. Self-possession is of the utmost import; the true meaning of pride is to be; to be truthfully proud that others cannot resist but to admire. Of course on the bedroom front, Lucifer with the help of Prince 'Ass' Asmodeus has guided him to greatness. With an average sized penis, it had always been the main source of Michael's anguish. But with Lucifer's teachings and the deep knowledge of the Prince Asmodeus in the art of sex, Michael has been dominating the bedroom with his small penis, with many virgins fallen victim to his spellbinding charm. In an open relationship with the woman of his life, a desk clerk at an insurance company; she is not a super model, a shy girl but full of feminine energy who possesses such an open mind and understanding that no woman on Earth except her could be the one to share orgies with him and the Devil once in a while. Having Lucifer as a voice in your head as you are doing the business, offering instructions and hints is something out of this world and sex with the Devil in his human form is perfection to die for in Hell. Prince 'UrAnus' Sathanus and Prince 'Jimmies' Leviathan do not see eye to eye; they are like rival siblings, or two big brothers to Michael, always protective but always bickering about the tiny little things, yet both taught Michael great lessons in life. Prince Sathanus taught him how to stand up for himself, training him in the most deadly arts of combat and self defense skills that the Lord of Wrath jokingly said could 'beat the Doomsguy's green ass!' The Lord of Envy has taught him how to use his emotions, to channel his feelings into something useful, like a simple backstab, or a complicated scheme for the ultimate payback and the last laugh for wrongs wrought. And of course there is the other pair: Prince 'Pork' Beelzebub and Prince 'Potato' Belphegor. They are like the two bizarre and creepy uncles who are equally ginormous but to Michael are the most charming of the bunch. In fact, Michael admires them both only second to the Prince of Hell. The Lord of Gluttony inspires him because he is perpetually in his own 'hell' where he cycles himself between a few months of constant binging, on his own magnificent cookery to months of intense '300' style workouts. It is always a breath of fresh air to see him come out of the portal looking like Leonidas on the dinner table, after a long while being Jabba the Hutt dissing Prince Belphegor in their witty rap battles. In the Lord, Michael learns perseverance by only having to witness his pulsing abs and in the art of cuisine that adds so much spice to Life while the dishes send you to gustatory paradise. The Lord of Sloth is the most wise but cutting with words. Even Lord Hell calls him Master. Like an actual sloth, he does not move much, if at all, perpetually in his favorite upholstered couch. You can count on him to spew the most ingenious ideas and witty comments that are the source of Michael's many sub-holdings and killer pick-up lines. To Michael, the Lord is forever his lazy ass Sensei from whom he is forever trying to take the pebble off of his hand. The haunted house has been a vacation home for the Princes of Hell. An eternity of gratitude is not enough, Michael feels, for the guidance of these unsung 'villains'. Lucifer had told him not to blame God, that one must be patient. In this moment before leaving the Lords as they must attend to the business of Hell this cycle, Michael understood what the Lord of Darkness meant: Michael the mortal human is an agent of change and a grand plan awaits him just as it does for all. "We do not know when we'd be back. Remember that we will always be in your heart." The Lord Lucifer spoke again. "Best of luck, kiddo! Thanks for Korn! Awesome band, you filth! I will be listening for an eternity hahaha!" Lord Wrath with his raspy voice. "Remember my tenets, you tight square ass! Don't go over board! Sex once a week max! I prefer once every two weeks but I know you are horny as hell; apple doesn't fall far from the tree, you. Go crazy on the day, be my guest. Remember it is quality over quantity! Keep on banging!" Lord Lust gives a wink while doing the finger in the hole sex signal. "Don't you ever use long grained rice for Risotto, you piece of garbage! And if I ever see you with an ounce of extra fat, I am gonna whip you boy, you hear?! And always cook for Chelsea. If you don't treat her right, I will eat you!" Lord Gluttony gives the OK sign in Italian. "You know what to do. Just don't forget to always double check the balance sheets yourself. Gives them bastards no quarter!" A thumbs up from Lord Greed. "Remember what that asshole UrAnus taught you! But more importantly my tenet! Always go for the jugular! No mercy for the wicked! Don't stop your meditation in the morning, cause you know that I would know if you are slipping!" Lord Envy gives the pranamasana. "People unite for only two things: Hate and Love." Lord Sloth raises his hand as he is carried off by imps, the Shaka sign. The Princes follow Lucifer and enter the portal to Hell. The frozen wasteland closes off from view as the portal sucks itself into nothingness, leaving the few drifts of snow melting imperceptibly on the dusty floor. Wiping away the tear streaks, Michael dusts off his shoulders, adjusts his tie and walks up the creaky staircase.
[WP] A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they're all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.	Fifteen Years ago, we were more like business partners. We each had our little slice in Life and we enjoyed our place in it. I especially took Pride in my work very seriously (Unlike that Slothful pansy). It was... like finding that one job you enjoyed immensely, that you could move up if you wanted to, but that would take you away from this love. Like Captain Kirk in that mediocre new movie, you would be bored and empty. Then we got deposed, a coup that usurped our positions and put us down on the bottom of the ladder again. Grunt work that any two bit hack could do and still get a movie made about them with crappy CGI and worse acting and still make a pretty penny. Seven of the Biggest Badasses of Hell, and now we are basically roommates haunting this admittedly nice house. A contemporary three storie with 5 beds, 4 baths (one being a tasteful jack and jill for the kids), and a few secrets tucked into its fold since the builder watched one too many spy films. Living together was a nightmare at first, furious as we were about our recent demotion. Once the anger faded (except for one of us, but that was his shtick so we let him) we all took stock, called in favors, and got our effects in order. We were content with our lot in life, we literally could do nothing about it, we were comfortable, and we got beaten by those just outright better than us. We each were past our prime and thought of this as a comfortable retirement. At least until our long term investments paid off and we took back our thrones, but we could be patient. So we had a few "clients" come and go, we knew every trick in the book (Each having writ a chapter of it) and didn't break any guidelines. We were consummate professionals. A couple of newlyweds that ran afoul of financial disparity and some infidelity, plus the occasional "Forceful occupation" to speed things along. A Millionaire that wanted to retire there as a summer home, with his various mistresses and excessive parties, did him in with a drumstick when no one knew the heimlich. Oh, and that "Starving Artist" we had go mad and inspire such unique pieces of art. Pieces sold well but mostly not from the aesthetics and more what it was made _from_, made one of us especially happy there. We have had our fair share of jokes and laughs and bets from our wandering clientele and we loved every moment of it. Until this guy came in. He came here a broken and empty shell, which usually means either we get our hooks in him and we make him our favorite saturday morning show of debasement and horror, or the guys upstairs fill him with that holier than thou attitude and it becomes a challenge; but this guy just flipped us both the bird, metaphorically since this guy started out as a total robot! Took no pride in his work, didn't have any desires at all, worked without even ceasing till it was done, and didn't care about anyone else or what they had or thought. Initially, we thought we had just been given a real test to flex our muscles and really show our stuff; but the guy was a brick wall! When we realized that we were getting nowhere with subtlety, we swallowed my nature and ahem went the poltergeist route. Blegh, it's the desperate tactic of those without imagination or the desperate. And we only minorly inconvenienced the bastard. Finally, we had had enough and sent out sniffers to get the guy's story. Either this was a prank from our former subordinates and they actually sent us a legit robot and we couldn't tell or we were just really losing our touch. What we got, was so much more... humbling. He was an immigrant kid, born on the wrong side of town but determined to keep his nose clean. Got in a few scuffles though and paid the price for it with what happened to his sister. Made a few of us look away with just how far some humans will go when they indulge in our vices. (We are artisans of the craft, and they used it like a nail studded bat to a piece of art.) Got out and got on a good path that really reminded me of a case I endorsed a few years ago, but for the other guy. He still won the sonofabitch but paid in his health. Got married and then divorced, then married again, that whole shtick, but then the zinger happens. He got overshadowed by someone younger, someone bolder, someone with a sparkling and clean record, unlike his rags to riches past. We all felt that. Now he is just a middle manager, a nobody cog in the system, and the only thing in him is a hollow duty to the job that makes it like a drain on anything that gets poured into him. The Pansy has no grips in him either because he keeps his work ethic no matter what. He's still in his prime, if not the later years of it, especially with this super powered medicine that was developed lately, and now he is incapable of doing anything about it. So I talked to the the others, and we were in accordance. This guy really needs us back in his life, and through him we are gonna get our old jobs back. It wasn't gonna be easy, but we were dedicated to our new lot in life. So I wrenched the guy's attention to me, had a sit down with him, showed him a contract with all the bells and whistles, no monkey's paw, no shenanigans, and laid it all out for him. He looked it over, actually broke his daily routine and called a lawyer friend and had him look it over (Claiming it as a joke he found online, the lawyer wasn't convinced) and he signed it. Now, we were in business again. The others are more for how he lives his life, plenty of fresh experiences, time to rest, constructive uses of anger, and a steady diet; while I and my partners deal with the business aspect, what land to vie for, how to make the most profit, and how to make people follow your drive without making enemies, or at least more than you need to keep that competition alive. That was five years ago, and his enemies are either converted or squashed beneath his heel, and through his campaign, also dislodged our usurpers greatest agents and foundations. Needless to say, we eventually took it all back, and then realized that it wasn't enough anymore. We helped a man go from broken and beaten shell to owning the entire world and being a household name. And we were not content with being lackeys, even important ones. We were fundamental aspects of the sapient spirit and we realized we had so much more power than we thought, not since so long ago when we were just basic deities over certain areas. So we promoted ourselves in the positions at the top and took the reins from those whom squandered it over a petty fight. Now I and my six brothers and sisters run the show, and it was from demons helping an honest man rise to the top. We don't seek petty worship, we never have, just indulge in our Love and live your life to the fullest, experiencing what you desire and seeing it all in the time you're given.	"come on dude, you gotta get up" He moaned "seriously, you gotta eat" The thing about being a demon is that you're really just a heavy angel. And sometimes its hard to get out of the habit of helping. Well that's what we say to ourselves. Right now, he's hiding under the blanket, its 5pm and he hasn't moved an inch. I know he's hungry, I've been making him hungry all day, but it hasn't worked. Oh wait, look. His foots sneaking out, perfect. There's a few screams, and I think I hit his head a few times dragging him down the stairs but it works. He's in the kitchen. So's his blanket, but you know, it's a start. I hand him off to sloth, to calm him down again. Nothing like having our perfect on hand anti panic machiene, even if sloth does winge when we make xer do shit. Wrath keeps him in check. Mostly we leave wrath to check everything else in check, xe sends away any unwanted callers, mostly bank men these days. Something about not paying his bills. meh, humans are weird. Oh, and he deals with the nightmares, chases them right out of the poor fuckers head I focus on his basic needs mostly, it all started with just trying to get him to eat, but I seem to have become his general health organiser. Pride helps me out by making him get dressed and take a shower most days. Plus giving him the odd pep talk about excersize and being fit. He's not taken xer up on anything yet, but we're hopeful Lust xe had a hard time transitioning away from all that squishy sex stuff. Xe mostly focuses on making him want to go outside, and enjoy the sun. It works sometimes. Envy is in the kitchen. I can sense xer's presence expanding to fill the space. Xe's always been jealous of my size. Well, it's not really size. It's more presence. I hate trying to use this clunky language. I don't let it bother me, Pride and Envy always end up butting heads though. Envy tries to work out what this human needs. Xe looks at the neighbours, and what they have, and steals it from them. Fully stocked kitchen, perfect for a hungry human. Greed and Envy are always scheming away on what to get next. I suspect there might be a pool in the garden soon.
[WP] A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they're all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.	Why? If you asked me how I first met the Deadly Seven, I wouldn't quite remember each introduction. I know it involved an old, old house that had seen brighter days long ago. I had, too. I can tell you why. The day I lugged my cardboard boxes into that rickety shed of a house was the darkest point in my life. I had no hope. no drive, no desires. The time passed, and I spent every day ruminating about my failures: what had gone wrong, what I could have done better, how terrible a human being I was, how the world would be better off if I had the courage to lift my weapon the few feet it took to put the barrel to my temple. And then one night, I saw her. She was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen in all my life, and yet it did not occur to me that such beauty did not belong in the shack I called home. She laid her hands on my shoulders and kissed my forehead. "You are better than them," she whispered in my ear. All thoughts of my death were forgotten as I looked her in the eye and saw myself as she saw me: a handsome young man in the prime of his life, against whom the world had conspired. She smiled at me and put a soft hand on my cheek. "Get up and prove it!" In the days to follow, I met her brothers and sisters. Demons, they were called. To my mind, however, they were saving graces. What would I have done without them? Her brother helped me acquire a job and clothes, all the comforts one could possibly want, and objects beyond that. Her other brother, as large and bovine as he was, helped me enjoy life again! I had an appetite! I enjoyed the flavors on my tongue and the feeling of food sliding down my throat! Her sister, so alike in appearance but different in her advice, helped me to see what I liked and disliked in others. Her hand, so lovingly placed on mine, guided it so that I could finally have what I saw others possess without toil and what I had always worked so hard for: respect, admiration, a car that didn't break down every two months. Their good brother helped me keep what is mine. So long, I had let others do what they wanted, but now! Now I had him at my ear, saying, "That's not fair!" or "That brown-noser deserves to go down." With their help, I moved up in my company at a pace that was blindingly fast to my coworkers. And when I thought I had it all, their next sibling sidled up to me and asked if I'd like a companion. This demon was actually an old friend, from before the house. When I was at my lowest, I had lost interest in all desires like food or sex. With my new companions, I could see now what made life worth living. I met a lady or two (or three), and though they were nice, with each person, I experimented and grew closer to discovering what I wanted in a partner. Maybe this is what I was missing all those years ago. When that happy demon family was firmly integrated into my life, and I worked hard and renovated that house to make it beautiful for all of us, I had the last sibling at the end of every day telling me to rest, to be content; there would be work enough for all of tomorrow's tomorrows. So at the end of the long work day, I sat on the couch with my demons and basked in their friendship. Eventually, the day came when I had to move on. I asked my friends if they were ultimately confined to the house. The oldest, the first one who had approached me, put her hand once again on my cheek. "As long as you will have us, we will be with you. And even when you're done with us, we'll be waiting until you want us again." Did she know what comfort that gave me? Did she know how warm I felt, knowing I would always have them to fall back on? I think she did. As she said, even when I thought I was done with them, they were waiting for me. Surrounded as I am by my second wife and many children and grandchildren, perhaps by obligation moreso than love, I can feel them waiting for me. I can feel myself yearning to go home. So that's why. That's why I cringe here before you. You, who call yourselves "The Virtues." Whatever did diligence, chastity, patience, kindness, temperance, charity or humility do for me? You tell me you were with me, you tell me I had only to seek you! You look at me with pity, but I have lived with these demons, and they alone will be with me for the rest of eternity.	"come on dude, you gotta get up" He moaned "seriously, you gotta eat" The thing about being a demon is that you're really just a heavy angel. And sometimes its hard to get out of the habit of helping. Well that's what we say to ourselves. Right now, he's hiding under the blanket, its 5pm and he hasn't moved an inch. I know he's hungry, I've been making him hungry all day, but it hasn't worked. Oh wait, look. His foots sneaking out, perfect. There's a few screams, and I think I hit his head a few times dragging him down the stairs but it works. He's in the kitchen. So's his blanket, but you know, it's a start. I hand him off to sloth, to calm him down again. Nothing like having our perfect on hand anti panic machiene, even if sloth does winge when we make xer do shit. Wrath keeps him in check. Mostly we leave wrath to check everything else in check, xe sends away any unwanted callers, mostly bank men these days. Something about not paying his bills. meh, humans are weird. Oh, and he deals with the nightmares, chases them right out of the poor fuckers head I focus on his basic needs mostly, it all started with just trying to get him to eat, but I seem to have become his general health organiser. Pride helps me out by making him get dressed and take a shower most days. Plus giving him the odd pep talk about excersize and being fit. He's not taken xer up on anything yet, but we're hopeful Lust xe had a hard time transitioning away from all that squishy sex stuff. Xe mostly focuses on making him want to go outside, and enjoy the sun. It works sometimes. Envy is in the kitchen. I can sense xer's presence expanding to fill the space. Xe's always been jealous of my size. Well, it's not really size. It's more presence. I hate trying to use this clunky language. I don't let it bother me, Pride and Envy always end up butting heads though. Envy tries to work out what this human needs. Xe looks at the neighbours, and what they have, and steals it from them. Fully stocked kitchen, perfect for a hungry human. Greed and Envy are always scheming away on what to get next. I suspect there might be a pool in the garden soon.
[WP] A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they're all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.	Room 332. When I got on the third floor, I asked a nurse where was Room 332. She pointed to the hallway on my right and said its on the end of the corridor. After walking a bit, I found Room 332. I then sat on the cold metallic seat and waited. A nurse then got out. "Excuse me, are you Alana Wright? Your boyfriend's awake." The nurse said. I immediately went in and I saw him. His skin looked yellow and he was weak. A bag by the side of his bed had some dark liquid. He turned his head and when he saw me, he smiled. "Alana," he said. "Come here." "Yeah babe?" I said. "Do you remember all those days when we first met at the shop? I'm going to tell you a story that has been eating at me for a while. It may sound crazy, but I want you to just believe me. No matter how weird you think it is. Okay?" He asked. "Sure," I said. "What is it about?" I asked. "It began when on a Monday evening, I went home from work. I was super tired and I just couldn't be bothered. The house was always dark, so I always had a light on no matter the time. I then took off my shoes, my socks, my tie, and went to the bedroom to rest. Suddenly, the roof creaked as if something is walking on it. I thought it was just some rats and so I didn't care. It was quite an old house anyway, and so I didn't care. As I laid there, my phone rang. I pulled it out of his pocket and it was Sharon. "Hey Henry! I need you to cover for me tomorrow. I'm currently sick and I need you to do it. Alright?" she said. "Uh I can-" I was about to say that I can't when she cut me off. "Fantastic! Thank you so much Henry!" Sharon replied, immediately hanging up. She was always like that. She always had a ton of excuses to give just to skip work. Even though she said she was sick, she's probably just relaxing at home with her boyfriend or something, leaving me to cover her, and so I always do double the work. I then fell asleep. I was suddenly awoken from my sleep when I heard the wood creaking again. It sounded as if it was coming from the attic. I thought that it was rats again, until it happened again. Half asleep, I decided to investigate. So I got up, picked up a shoe, and went up into the attic. I opened the attic door, and climbed up the stairs. I then turned on the light and found that there was nothing there. It was the rats. I then turned around when I heard this voice. "Henry", a soft female voice whispered. I turned around, and saw a woman standing right in front of me. Probably just a few feet away. I was shocked and I screamed, thinking they were robbers or something. I was just about to run when I noticed that now the attic was empty, there were no stairs, no door. I panicked. I looked back and now I saw six more figures." "A woman? Six more figures?" I interrupted. "As I said, just believe me for a second. "Please do not scream. We're not going to harm you." the woman said. When I heard her voice, it had seemed so unreal. As if I was dreaming. "Who are you?" I asked. "My name is Pride. The woman to my left is called Lust, and the man to the right of me is called Wrath", the figure on the left of her responded. He was muscular, handsome, and his silky smooth baritone voice projected this sense of respect. Now I was never the religious type. I was raised in a Catholic family, but after my parents died I stopped believing. "Wait a minute, Wrath? Pride? Lust? The seven deadly sins? I must be dreaming," I said. It was so unreal. "When you first came here five days ago, we tried to stay silent. Ever since we lived here we always stayed silent. But when you came, we can't stay silent. You were always unfortunate, and you seem so.....lifeless. And we couldn't bear to see you like that. We know about work and Alana. We just....wanted to help you." Lust said. Then I asked how did she knew about work and you. And the male figure on her left said that they often checked on me because they were worried, except for one, Sloth, who stayed. "Whatever you do, please know that we are here now." she said. A really bright light then hit me and I was blinded. I couldn't see anything. I then woke up, sweating. I checked my phone. It said that it was 4.30 AM. I looked around. It was all a dream, I thought. It was just some work stress or something. Suddenly I heard a voice. "No it ain't", it said. I looked over to my left, to a chair, and I saw this figure. He was a bit chubby. He was bald. He looked a bit like old John. "I'm Gluttony." the man responded. "I'm turning crazy. I'm definitely turning crazy." I thought to myself. "No you ain't. We're all real and we're all worried about you." he responded. "The hell? You can read my mind? How?" I asked. "We're supernatural. We can do anything. Oh yeah, I forgot, I got something for you. It's in the kitchen if you want." the man said. Of course I was confused. What was in the kitchen? Maybe I am losing my mind and I was in denial. But I was curious, and so I got up and walked to the kitchen. The man walked along with me. When I got there, I saw this big plate with a fish steak and some red wine. I was flattered and he told me to eat it. "I was going to eat it, but I thought it'll be better for you to eat it. Your saving has made you famished." he said. I asked from where did he get said steak, but he said that I shouldn't worry and I should just eat it. As I was eating it, I can see from my peripheral that he's staring as if he was transfixed by the steak. Every time I looked up, he would turn his gaze, but I knew he wanted this so bad. But he was that kind to let me eat it instead. It was so good. I haven't eaten in a while because I was trying to save money. A few hours later, I went to work. As I was cataloging the items in the storage room, I heard someone come in. It was about 8 in the morning, and so it shouldn't be a customer. But I was just trying to do Sharon's work as fast as possible so I can focus on mine. Then the storage room door opened and someone asked me where Sharon was. I said that she was sick and I was covering for her. It was you. You were searching for her for something, I forgot, but at the time I wasn't confident enough." "It was a technical thing, the cash register can't detect the barcodes." "Oh right. But anyways, you then left. As you close the door, Pride showed up. "The fuck you doing man? She needs help, help her! You know about computers and stuff don't you? Help her then!". He said it with such pride. It was almost narcissistic. I said that while I do know it, I wasn't brave enough. I can't do it. You were so beautiful, and I just don't feel that you were worthy of me. He shouted at me that I am the most handsome individual on this earth and that I am worthy of you. I should get out there and help you. And then Lust showed up too, and gave me the same shouting. I collected my mind, and I got out and asked you what the problem was. And then you said-" "Yeah yeah, I said that it was nothing but you persisted. And you actually fixed it. It was wonderful." "I know. After that when I came back to the storage room I was so happy that I did that. Pride and Lust looked so happy with me finally cracking a smile. They then disappeared." "When they appeared and disappeared, did they have like a smoke or something like in the movies?" "No, they were just...there. No smoke no nothing. One second its nothing then you blink and there they were. But anyway. When I got home, Sharon called me again and asked whether or not I did her cataloging or not. I said I did and she was satisfied.	"come on dude, you gotta get up" He moaned "seriously, you gotta eat" The thing about being a demon is that you're really just a heavy angel. And sometimes its hard to get out of the habit of helping. Well that's what we say to ourselves. Right now, he's hiding under the blanket, its 5pm and he hasn't moved an inch. I know he's hungry, I've been making him hungry all day, but it hasn't worked. Oh wait, look. His foots sneaking out, perfect. There's a few screams, and I think I hit his head a few times dragging him down the stairs but it works. He's in the kitchen. So's his blanket, but you know, it's a start. I hand him off to sloth, to calm him down again. Nothing like having our perfect on hand anti panic machiene, even if sloth does winge when we make xer do shit. Wrath keeps him in check. Mostly we leave wrath to check everything else in check, xe sends away any unwanted callers, mostly bank men these days. Something about not paying his bills. meh, humans are weird. Oh, and he deals with the nightmares, chases them right out of the poor fuckers head I focus on his basic needs mostly, it all started with just trying to get him to eat, but I seem to have become his general health organiser. Pride helps me out by making him get dressed and take a shower most days. Plus giving him the odd pep talk about excersize and being fit. He's not taken xer up on anything yet, but we're hopeful Lust xe had a hard time transitioning away from all that squishy sex stuff. Xe mostly focuses on making him want to go outside, and enjoy the sun. It works sometimes. Envy is in the kitchen. I can sense xer's presence expanding to fill the space. Xe's always been jealous of my size. Well, it's not really size. It's more presence. I hate trying to use this clunky language. I don't let it bother me, Pride and Envy always end up butting heads though. Envy tries to work out what this human needs. Xe looks at the neighbours, and what they have, and steals it from them. Fully stocked kitchen, perfect for a hungry human. Greed and Envy are always scheming away on what to get next. I suspect there might be a pool in the garden soon.
[WP] A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they're all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.	"Come on Eric, you really need to eat something. I know you don't want to, but that hunger pain in your gut isn't going to go away on its own", said Gluttony. "Nobody is judging you Eric. Besides, caring what other people think of you is fruitless. The trick is learning to love yourself the way you are", said Sloth. "You can be just as happy as the couple in this movie, Eric. When you're ready and the timing is right, you will find love too", said Lust. "Sure this house isn't the nicest place, but things will get better at work and you'll be able to live where you want to", said Greed. "Stop beating yourself up. Depression is painful but it doesn't mean you're weak. It's a long fight and you'll lose some battles, but you can win the war if you keep fighting", said Wrath. "You aren't the only one who struggling with this. Even though they have the fancy car, nice job, and big family they feel the same way sometimes. Everyone faces the darkness at some point", said Envy "You just don't understand!" said Eric, "I'm fucking cursed. Nothing takes away the pain, nothing fills the emptiness, nothing makes me feel...anything! It's like being stuck in an endless cycling void that keeps getting darker and colder and none of you bastards knows what that's like. Just shut up and leave me alone!" "We do know Eric", said Pride. "We know what it's like to be trapped, stuck in the darkness with our pain forever. That's what being a ghost is. Each of us has become that pain that plagued us in life. We want to help you, to keep you from becoming one of us. But we can't force that to happen. The first thing that you have to do is accept that this is your burden. No it isn't fair, but it's your's nonetheless." "Fine! I accept it! I'm fucking cursed, didn't you hear me?!" "Good. Now let us teach you how to deal with curses."	"come on dude, you gotta get up" He moaned "seriously, you gotta eat" The thing about being a demon is that you're really just a heavy angel. And sometimes its hard to get out of the habit of helping. Well that's what we say to ourselves. Right now, he's hiding under the blanket, its 5pm and he hasn't moved an inch. I know he's hungry, I've been making him hungry all day, but it hasn't worked. Oh wait, look. His foots sneaking out, perfect. There's a few screams, and I think I hit his head a few times dragging him down the stairs but it works. He's in the kitchen. So's his blanket, but you know, it's a start. I hand him off to sloth, to calm him down again. Nothing like having our perfect on hand anti panic machiene, even if sloth does winge when we make xer do shit. Wrath keeps him in check. Mostly we leave wrath to check everything else in check, xe sends away any unwanted callers, mostly bank men these days. Something about not paying his bills. meh, humans are weird. Oh, and he deals with the nightmares, chases them right out of the poor fuckers head I focus on his basic needs mostly, it all started with just trying to get him to eat, but I seem to have become his general health organiser. Pride helps me out by making him get dressed and take a shower most days. Plus giving him the odd pep talk about excersize and being fit. He's not taken xer up on anything yet, but we're hopeful Lust xe had a hard time transitioning away from all that squishy sex stuff. Xe mostly focuses on making him want to go outside, and enjoy the sun. It works sometimes. Envy is in the kitchen. I can sense xer's presence expanding to fill the space. Xe's always been jealous of my size. Well, it's not really size. It's more presence. I hate trying to use this clunky language. I don't let it bother me, Pride and Envy always end up butting heads though. Envy tries to work out what this human needs. Xe looks at the neighbours, and what they have, and steals it from them. Fully stocked kitchen, perfect for a hungry human. Greed and Envy are always scheming away on what to get next. I suspect there might be a pool in the garden soon.
[WP] A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they're all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.	"Well I guess this is it," he said to himself as he opened the door to his new apartment, "welcome to the pits of hell, Jeremy. It's not like life could get much worse." Oh look fresh meat. Maybe this time the other girls won't mess this up. I mean really. How hard is it to get one little human back on his feet. Hell its not like I'm the embodiment of Pride or anything. "Hey, Page, don't you even think about it. You know what happened last time," a voice seethed at me. "It's all the more reason to help this time. It can't go that far south again. We know better this time," I tried to plead with Grace, little miss greedy pants. You see, even though we are suppose to be the "seven deadly sins" we aren't the big guys. More like one of the trial runs. So not only am I a cast away of what I could have been, I am trapped in this little building until some idiot let's us out. You would think in this day and age it would be easier but noooo. "Well if we can use him to gain power and, and," that is Lily. Well really her name is Lilith, but no one here calls her that. Lily was suppose to be Lust, but she fell short of the whole love trope when she found her power over people. So now she chases any form of power over anyone else. "Why, so he can become some big wig, have all those girls fawn over him, make lots of money, and then some chick convinces him to leave us? For what? Just so he leaves with out freeing us like that other one? I for one don't want to help anyone again," that would Erin, better known to the demon community as one of the Envy failures. "Come on! We have to do this to prove ourselves. We may not be The Seven, but we are a seven. We just need out of here. Then we won't need each other's permission any more!" It's the same story over and over for me. The first few times it was easy for me to convince them all. It's gotten harder and harder since then though. Grace doesn't want to spend her time, Sabrina doesn't want to put in the work, Erin doesn't want to loose the love and devotion, on and on. But there is one of us that going can always count on. We hear a scream in one of the rooms. It's our new friend and. Well it's Miss Wanda, resident Wrath. "No better way to let him know about us then to scare the shit out of him," she says, "plus I got sick of listening to you all bitch and complain with Page. It's the same story over and over." She looks down at Jeremy and smiles. Now something I should let you in on, our new friend can't see us, can't hear us, has no idea we are even there, unless we want him too. Miss Wanda likes to just fill a room when she introduces herself. It gets all cold and you feel very disapproved of it's all for show of course. Or, well so I think. "No! Don't touch me!" Jeremy is yelling again. "Hey! Give it back!" Well that would be number 7, Gabriella, also known as, wanna be Gluttony. Except instead of food Gabby here likes to consume money. Any kind. As we are watching Miss Wanda and Jeremy, his wallet just floats across the room, only to disappear before his eyes. Or to ours right into Gabby's mouth. "Stop it! All of you!" I make sure to let Jeremy hear my voice too this time," how are we going to get him to let us out if all your doing is scarring him?" A chair appears in the room and Erin pushes Jeremy into it. At this point we are all just a shadowy figure to him. But he can at least see us now. "Look dude," Grace says, struggling with the word dude, we are from a time long before language was a thing after all, "let's not waste any more time with this. We need you to let us out of this cage, to do that we need to help you reach your desires. So without wasting my time, what do you desire most?" He looks around at us all. By this time we are starting to actually look like people to him. "This apartment is too small for all of this," he moans as he looks around at all of us. ** A few weeks later and Jeremy has started getting use to us. Finally. He now keeps his wallet away from Gabby, but brings in a few coins for her at the end of the day. That seems to make her happy. He spends hours working with Lily after work now. They talk about his job, how to make the smart moves to get promoted. Who might be able to help him. And it seems like it is working for him. Grace and Sabrina tend to avoid him though. He's a waste of time. There is no way I'm working that much, blah blah blah. What do you expect from the greediest and laziest people around. Erin is the one I'm most proud of though. Jeremy has this guy who comes over all the time. He's the only person he talks to more then Lily. His name is Bobby. A few days ago Erin walked in on the two of them. They were asleep on the couch, and Jeremy was laying on Bobby. Miss Wanda watched Erin as she pulled blankets over them and turned the tv off. After the last guy who came through here, this was never something we thought Erin would do. Maybe the last guy just drained it all out of her. "I think you could actually do that! You would have your own power to make your own choices!" Lily has been yelling for the last few minutes about some self employment idea that Jeremy has been going on about. "I don't know, there is just some much at risk if it doesn't work out right." "But what if it does?! You have Bobby and us here for you! I mean you could be doing a lot worse with your time after all," wow, what ever this is even got Grace in to it. "Miss Wanda, what do you think? Going out on my own like this, starting an IT company on my own, what if it just doesn't work out?" "What your doing now isn't working out now. So why stay? You can go and do this, and try to do your own thing and not know what will come next or you can be a lazy, go with the flow idiot." Well then, we know where Miss Wanda stands. "Hey, Ladies," Jeremy called us all into his living room, "hey what is this thing?" "Well, you know how when you first moved in two years ago and we scared you and all?" Erin pipes up, "well so you see, like we told you then, we are kinda trapped here. We can't leave." "Unless you open that and let us go," Grace finishes. "Where would you go? What would you do?" Jeremy looked at us all. We hadn't really talked about the prison we were in since that first day. "Well we would be able to leave here, see what else is out there," this was Lily, "we have done so much for you, please, the fact that the lock has appeared means we really have helped you reach your desires! Please let us out!" Jeremy looked at the lock, it was a big cylinder stone with a smaller button on the top. It was black with white thread like blemishes on it. He looked at us all. He looked so different then he did two years ago. "But, what will I do without you all? When I moved in here I didn't think I would still be here now. Honestly if it wasn't for Miss Wanda and Erin I probably wouldn't still be here. And then Lily pushed me with work and Gabby caused me to same money. Grace and Sabrina showed me there are more important things then just working. And I have Bobby, hell we are going to get married soon and that's because of you Page. Everything I have is because of you all." Jeremy started to cry. Bobby walked in, right through me, "Jeremy, what's wrong. What the hell is that?" We all sat around and watched the two of them as Jeremy explained everything. ** It has been about five years now since Jeremy let us go, but nothing has really changed. Most everyone comes and goes a lot and Miss Wanda hasn't been back yet, but that's okay. Jeremy and Bobby have a little girl now, Megan. Now, even though we are free it we get to watch all of them. Help them. I guess it was a good thing that we didn't make it as The Seven and are just a seven.	"come on dude, you gotta get up" He moaned "seriously, you gotta eat" The thing about being a demon is that you're really just a heavy angel. And sometimes its hard to get out of the habit of helping. Well that's what we say to ourselves. Right now, he's hiding under the blanket, its 5pm and he hasn't moved an inch. I know he's hungry, I've been making him hungry all day, but it hasn't worked. Oh wait, look. His foots sneaking out, perfect. There's a few screams, and I think I hit his head a few times dragging him down the stairs but it works. He's in the kitchen. So's his blanket, but you know, it's a start. I hand him off to sloth, to calm him down again. Nothing like having our perfect on hand anti panic machiene, even if sloth does winge when we make xer do shit. Wrath keeps him in check. Mostly we leave wrath to check everything else in check, xe sends away any unwanted callers, mostly bank men these days. Something about not paying his bills. meh, humans are weird. Oh, and he deals with the nightmares, chases them right out of the poor fuckers head I focus on his basic needs mostly, it all started with just trying to get him to eat, but I seem to have become his general health organiser. Pride helps me out by making him get dressed and take a shower most days. Plus giving him the odd pep talk about excersize and being fit. He's not taken xer up on anything yet, but we're hopeful Lust xe had a hard time transitioning away from all that squishy sex stuff. Xe mostly focuses on making him want to go outside, and enjoy the sun. It works sometimes. Envy is in the kitchen. I can sense xer's presence expanding to fill the space. Xe's always been jealous of my size. Well, it's not really size. It's more presence. I hate trying to use this clunky language. I don't let it bother me, Pride and Envy always end up butting heads though. Envy tries to work out what this human needs. Xe looks at the neighbours, and what they have, and steals it from them. Fully stocked kitchen, perfect for a hungry human. Greed and Envy are always scheming away on what to get next. I suspect there might be a pool in the garden soon.
[WP] A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they're all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.	It was a joke, really. All that sadness and guilt and all was getting way too much to handle. So I figured I would throw my last dollar away on a house I'd wanted since young, since my depression would probably end my life sooner or later. As soon as I stepped in, my first moment of joy was ruined completely. "Hey there." "OK, voice in my head and all, fuck you. You've caused me enough trouble throughout my whole life, so just fuck off and shut up," was my (probably drunken) reply. "We're not voices. We're your friends." On cue, 7 little red dudes popped out of the closet. Except they had horns. Did humans have horns? Probably not. "What the fuck?" was my only reply after 5 seconds of gaping. "We're here to get your act back together," another said promptly. Instantly, I felt a change going on. The anger, the grief; they were leaving slowly. And in its place I felt the first pangs of happiness in the last 3 months. The dinner table was filled with a luxurious meal, items I coveted from others in my possession, a cheque for an infinite amount of money appeared in my hand and doorbell rang at that precise instant. It was my crush. And a newfound courage seized me to ask her out. It was the best feeling I had ever felt in my life when she agreed. I hurried out, her chasing after me in youthful exuberance as I approached my car. But as I was about to get in, I heard a voice speak gravely behind me. The only demon that had not budged from my arrival. "Go back." "Why dude? We're gonna go get some dinner, then maybe a...romantic movie!" I snapped my fingers as I prepared to open the door. "GO. BACK." The tone...scared me. At the same instant, my new girlfriend's face suddenly paled, as she staggered back towards the house. "I'm not feeling too well," she said, as I hurried to bring her back. As I was about to give Sloth a death glare, he said, without a hint of a smile on his face, "You'll thank me for that soon." _________________________________________________________________ Chinese takeout wasn't the romanticism I was looking for, but it sufficed for a first date. As I lounged around, watching my girlfriend devour her food, a new flash came in. The news reporters face looked just as grave, if not graver than Sloth's. "We have just received news that a terror attack has taken place at Outback Steakhouse. Before the police force could intervene, the terrorists set off a bomb within the restaurant, killing everyone inside. No survivors have been found yet." I was just about to drive to Outback. The reporter droned on in the background as I stared, horrified at the screen. But right in my line of vision, Sloth waved, then whispered, "I told you so." _________________________________________________________________ If you liked that, check out r/Whale62! Enjoy :)	"come on dude, you gotta get up" He moaned "seriously, you gotta eat" The thing about being a demon is that you're really just a heavy angel. And sometimes its hard to get out of the habit of helping. Well that's what we say to ourselves. Right now, he's hiding under the blanket, its 5pm and he hasn't moved an inch. I know he's hungry, I've been making him hungry all day, but it hasn't worked. Oh wait, look. His foots sneaking out, perfect. There's a few screams, and I think I hit his head a few times dragging him down the stairs but it works. He's in the kitchen. So's his blanket, but you know, it's a start. I hand him off to sloth, to calm him down again. Nothing like having our perfect on hand anti panic machiene, even if sloth does winge when we make xer do shit. Wrath keeps him in check. Mostly we leave wrath to check everything else in check, xe sends away any unwanted callers, mostly bank men these days. Something about not paying his bills. meh, humans are weird. Oh, and he deals with the nightmares, chases them right out of the poor fuckers head I focus on his basic needs mostly, it all started with just trying to get him to eat, but I seem to have become his general health organiser. Pride helps me out by making him get dressed and take a shower most days. Plus giving him the odd pep talk about excersize and being fit. He's not taken xer up on anything yet, but we're hopeful Lust xe had a hard time transitioning away from all that squishy sex stuff. Xe mostly focuses on making him want to go outside, and enjoy the sun. It works sometimes. Envy is in the kitchen. I can sense xer's presence expanding to fill the space. Xe's always been jealous of my size. Well, it's not really size. It's more presence. I hate trying to use this clunky language. I don't let it bother me, Pride and Envy always end up butting heads though. Envy tries to work out what this human needs. Xe looks at the neighbours, and what they have, and steals it from them. Fully stocked kitchen, perfect for a hungry human. Greed and Envy are always scheming away on what to get next. I suspect there might be a pool in the garden soon.
[WP] A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they're all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.	"Here try this suit, big guy. It would look great on you," said Pride one of my 8 demons. Yes, I live in a house with 8 demons... who are trying to help my depressed ass conquer the world. Ha! Ha! Ha! It really is a riot, I'm sure. I've somehow drifted into an anime weird as hell but uplifting at the same time. It's good to hear a friends laugh again. It's been a while. Depression takes much from you but it does leave you with perspective an appreciation for how wonderful the world is, a gratefulness for those who fill your life with their light. "I'm sure it would. Thanks for all the help, Pride. You have such an eye for these things," I say as merrily as I can. I try to keep the weariness out of my voice. I yawn. "Sleepy?" winks Lust. "Carol tired you out." "Nothing happened," I grinned back. "No thing happenings. Things are sad, then." That made me grin. "Change, now. Stop distracting him, Lust! groaned Pride. Lust threw a summoned banana at him boinking his nose. Pride howled. Those two always fought. Despite this they were my favorites. They had a lust for living, such a pride in living I wish I could scoop up in both arms. "Okay, okay," I said, grabbed the suit and scooted up the stairs. The Sins worked so hard to make me feel less sad. "Thank you," I whispered soft as a flower drawing together it' petals for the night. I reach my room, on the first floor. Well it wasn't really my room. I've been house-sitting the padt three months. I thought a change of scenery would help with the tiredness. It hadn't but I had met the Sins. Friends were always worthwhile. If you can, appreciate them more. I open the door, shut it and then collapsed on the bed exhausted. "Tonight?" asked Acceptance. "Tonight," I answer back. It's just too bad that sadness isn't my problem. Life's beautiful but it wearies me. I can see it's happiness, it's worth, it's joy. I just can't touch it. I trudge through the days. "I will explain it to them." Silence fills the room. I wait a second in its stillness, thinking. I have one last favor to ask. "I don't want them to be sad for me, or to love or live life any less. Life's beautiful. If it's beauty can touch you, embrace it." She nods and I close my eyes in relief, then put on a great, big smile, and the suit and go out again.	"come on dude, you gotta get up" He moaned "seriously, you gotta eat" The thing about being a demon is that you're really just a heavy angel. And sometimes its hard to get out of the habit of helping. Well that's what we say to ourselves. Right now, he's hiding under the blanket, its 5pm and he hasn't moved an inch. I know he's hungry, I've been making him hungry all day, but it hasn't worked. Oh wait, look. His foots sneaking out, perfect. There's a few screams, and I think I hit his head a few times dragging him down the stairs but it works. He's in the kitchen. So's his blanket, but you know, it's a start. I hand him off to sloth, to calm him down again. Nothing like having our perfect on hand anti panic machiene, even if sloth does winge when we make xer do shit. Wrath keeps him in check. Mostly we leave wrath to check everything else in check, xe sends away any unwanted callers, mostly bank men these days. Something about not paying his bills. meh, humans are weird. Oh, and he deals with the nightmares, chases them right out of the poor fuckers head I focus on his basic needs mostly, it all started with just trying to get him to eat, but I seem to have become his general health organiser. Pride helps me out by making him get dressed and take a shower most days. Plus giving him the odd pep talk about excersize and being fit. He's not taken xer up on anything yet, but we're hopeful Lust xe had a hard time transitioning away from all that squishy sex stuff. Xe mostly focuses on making him want to go outside, and enjoy the sun. It works sometimes. Envy is in the kitchen. I can sense xer's presence expanding to fill the space. Xe's always been jealous of my size. Well, it's not really size. It's more presence. I hate trying to use this clunky language. I don't let it bother me, Pride and Envy always end up butting heads though. Envy tries to work out what this human needs. Xe looks at the neighbours, and what they have, and steals it from them. Fully stocked kitchen, perfect for a hungry human. Greed and Envy are always scheming away on what to get next. I suspect there might be a pool in the garden soon.
[WP] A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they're all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.	Nobody likes moving house. It's tedious, a boring chore that everybody seems to go through at least once in their life. Some celebrate the change, others loathe the change, but nobody enjoys the moving. I didn't enjoy the move either, but that doesn't surprise me. I don't enjoy much of anything. I don't dislike much either. Mostly life just passes me by. I'm a passenger in my own vehicle, always staring out of the window but never taking the wheel. Until I moved. Who knew that a few old demons, far beyond their prime and banished to the realm of superstition, could do that which the medicine could not? Ancient beings succeeding where modern practice failed. It started with Sloth. Ambivalence was old hat to me, I had known weeks to flash before my eyes as I passed through them in a daze, rarely leaving my bed even to use the bathroom. That's what got me kicked out, the reason I moved into this house. My sister finally gave up. She spent so long trying, and failing, to push me into the outside world, but I would not leave. I was a bird happy to stay in my nest. So they took away my nest and told me to learn to fly. I thought it was a side effect of the new prescription at first. I'd hear a voice telling me to move, to get up, to do something, anything. He'd stand there, berating me for being so lazy, such a waste of potential. "There is only a time to relax when you have a reason to act." I had finally snapped, I was hearing the voices, soon I'd be in a padded cell wearing a hug-jacket and sipping opiates out of a toddler's cup. Then it hit me. Well... he hit me. It's hard to tell yourself something isn't real when it breaks your nose. He started with teaching me how to truly enjoy my time doing nothing. Which is to say, he found tasks for me to do. I discovered a world I had never known existed, a world of autonomy, where I made the decision to act, not for my sister, not for my doctor, not even for Sloth. For myself. From that new world, my old world evolved. Sitting on the sofa, watching the clock tick by and dreaming of a world in which I mattered, transformed into sweet relief. Release from the satisfying aches and pains, both physical and mental, which signified a productive day. Watching television became a luxury, the time I had for it growing ever shorter, the shows I watched becoming that much more intense as I had to pick only that which I truly wanted to watch. Under Sloth I became active, but Gluttony was the first to help me channel my newfound lease on life. She gave me a cookbook on our first meeting, 'Simple Meals For The Single Man'. Simple though the meals may have been, learning to cook was not. I've lost count of the times I've failed to create a palatable dish. Countless plates have been hurled, inedible failure and all, at my critical sous chef. She was always bitter to see food go wasted by my lack of talents, and always free to inform me of my culinary sins. Time and practice make perfect though. Her criticisms slowly morphed into grudging compliments, then into showers of praise. Now I can barely cook enough to satisfy her. Envy came to me next. He pointed to the other men in the neighborhood, focusing on the perfection of their physical form. The sculpted muscles, the perfect haircuts, the whitest smiles. All of it could be mine, he would say, if I wished it so. He taught me how to take care of myself, to turn my desires into reality. I stopped wishing I was others, and became that which others wished to be. Soon I was at my peak, I had become all that I could physically be. But I was still weak in my mind. I had no confidence, no belief in my self. And then there was Pride. Pride was exactly as you would expect. He bowed to no other, he respected only those who earned his respect, and he made those who did not earn it crave it even more. He was the lion in the savannah of my home. I clashed with him often at first, he looked down on me like trash, and in my mind I was living with my sister again. I lowered my head every time. Afraid that I would anger him, that by refusing to bow before him he would spare me no shame. One day I could stand no more, he called me scum and I shook with rage, fury flowing through my soul. The fires of hell were burning in my eyes, and my blood screamed through my veins. As Sloth bloodied my nose, so I bloodied Pride's. That was the first time Wrath made herself known to me, and the first time Pride looked upon me with respect. The two of them became my closest companions for a time, they helped me become strong of soul, not just of body. To bend with force, but to never break. While Pride showed me what I should stand for, Wrath showed me how to fight for it. She beat her lessons into me, every bruise a new skill learned. Every broken bone was to be worn with pride, for she only broke me when she was beaten. I became stronger under her by learning how to use the strength I had, how to unleash my anger and channel my rage. It was never enough to merely beat an enemy, they must be taught to never again challenge my authority. Lust showed me how to love another. She was there on every first date, hiding from all but me, whispers of encouragement falling from her soft lips, caressing my ears with a sensual touch. She taught me how to take that feeling, and how to share it with another, to revel in the sensations that mere words could invoke. Reveling in the sensation of words turned into reveling in the sensations of flesh. The rolling of hips, the ghostly touch of a woman's breath in my ear, the throes of pleasure. All these, and more, became mine to experience. And when I had learned how to love the body of another, I came to understand how to love the soul of another. When Greed finally came to me years had passed. I was no longer the shell of man that I had been, I was the best I could be, I had become all that I could ever desire to be and more. So I turned him away. He had no more to offer me than that which was already within my grasp. Nobody likes moving house, but I'm glad I did. Thanks for reading if you made it this far. This is actually the first piece I've written in about five years and I did it all in one shot, so I apologise if it seems a bit inconsistent! Please feel free to leave any criticism below, and be as brutal as possible on what I can do better.	"come on dude, you gotta get up" He moaned "seriously, you gotta eat" The thing about being a demon is that you're really just a heavy angel. And sometimes its hard to get out of the habit of helping. Well that's what we say to ourselves. Right now, he's hiding under the blanket, its 5pm and he hasn't moved an inch. I know he's hungry, I've been making him hungry all day, but it hasn't worked. Oh wait, look. His foots sneaking out, perfect. There's a few screams, and I think I hit his head a few times dragging him down the stairs but it works. He's in the kitchen. So's his blanket, but you know, it's a start. I hand him off to sloth, to calm him down again. Nothing like having our perfect on hand anti panic machiene, even if sloth does winge when we make xer do shit. Wrath keeps him in check. Mostly we leave wrath to check everything else in check, xe sends away any unwanted callers, mostly bank men these days. Something about not paying his bills. meh, humans are weird. Oh, and he deals with the nightmares, chases them right out of the poor fuckers head I focus on his basic needs mostly, it all started with just trying to get him to eat, but I seem to have become his general health organiser. Pride helps me out by making him get dressed and take a shower most days. Plus giving him the odd pep talk about excersize and being fit. He's not taken xer up on anything yet, but we're hopeful Lust xe had a hard time transitioning away from all that squishy sex stuff. Xe mostly focuses on making him want to go outside, and enjoy the sun. It works sometimes. Envy is in the kitchen. I can sense xer's presence expanding to fill the space. Xe's always been jealous of my size. Well, it's not really size. It's more presence. I hate trying to use this clunky language. I don't let it bother me, Pride and Envy always end up butting heads though. Envy tries to work out what this human needs. Xe looks at the neighbours, and what they have, and steals it from them. Fully stocked kitchen, perfect for a hungry human. Greed and Envy are always scheming away on what to get next. I suspect there might be a pool in the garden soon.
[WP] A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they're all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.	"Alright, get in the car." "Where are we going?" "One last thing, kid." "Oh, it's alright. You guys have done so much for me already. I don't want to impose..." "Look, I get it. You're happy. You're looking good, taking what you want, who you want, and you're doing it at your own pace. Life's good, and you're ready to get back out there. But I see it in your eyes. That little thread of fear. You and I both know there's someone out there who can tug on it and unravel all the work my brother's and sisters put in getting you back on your feet. That bitch is out there with your brother, and both of them would be perfectly happy rubbing it in your face. Again. See? Just mentioning them has you shaking. So who about this? Instead of picturing them with their hands all over each other, grinning from ear to ear while they look over their shoulders laughing at you; picture them in the woods. On their knees. Begging you for mercy. Picture the look that flashes across their faces when they realize you don't have any left for them. When they see the shovel. Now open your eyes, stop smiling like an idiot, and get in the fucking car."	"come on dude, you gotta get up" He moaned "seriously, you gotta eat" The thing about being a demon is that you're really just a heavy angel. And sometimes its hard to get out of the habit of helping. Well that's what we say to ourselves. Right now, he's hiding under the blanket, its 5pm and he hasn't moved an inch. I know he's hungry, I've been making him hungry all day, but it hasn't worked. Oh wait, look. His foots sneaking out, perfect. There's a few screams, and I think I hit his head a few times dragging him down the stairs but it works. He's in the kitchen. So's his blanket, but you know, it's a start. I hand him off to sloth, to calm him down again. Nothing like having our perfect on hand anti panic machiene, even if sloth does winge when we make xer do shit. Wrath keeps him in check. Mostly we leave wrath to check everything else in check, xe sends away any unwanted callers, mostly bank men these days. Something about not paying his bills. meh, humans are weird. Oh, and he deals with the nightmares, chases them right out of the poor fuckers head I focus on his basic needs mostly, it all started with just trying to get him to eat, but I seem to have become his general health organiser. Pride helps me out by making him get dressed and take a shower most days. Plus giving him the odd pep talk about excersize and being fit. He's not taken xer up on anything yet, but we're hopeful Lust xe had a hard time transitioning away from all that squishy sex stuff. Xe mostly focuses on making him want to go outside, and enjoy the sun. It works sometimes. Envy is in the kitchen. I can sense xer's presence expanding to fill the space. Xe's always been jealous of my size. Well, it's not really size. It's more presence. I hate trying to use this clunky language. I don't let it bother me, Pride and Envy always end up butting heads though. Envy tries to work out what this human needs. Xe looks at the neighbours, and what they have, and steals it from them. Fully stocked kitchen, perfect for a hungry human. Greed and Envy are always scheming away on what to get next. I suspect there might be a pool in the garden soon.
[WP] A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they're all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.	Room 332. When I got on the third floor, I asked a nurse where was Room 332. She pointed to the hallway on my right and said its on the end of the corridor. After walking a bit, I found Room 332. I then sat on the cold metallic seat and waited. A nurse then got out. "Excuse me, are you Alana Wright? Your boyfriend's awake." The nurse said. I immediately went in and I saw him. His skin looked yellow and he was weak. A bag by the side of his bed had some dark liquid. He turned his head and when he saw me, he smiled. "Alana," he said. "Come here." "Yeah babe?" I said. "Do you remember all those days when we first met at the shop? I'm going to tell you a story that has been eating at me for a while. It may sound crazy, but I want you to just believe me. No matter how weird you think it is. Okay?" He asked. "Sure," I said. "What is it about?" I asked. "It began when on a Monday evening, I went home from work. I was super tired and I just couldn't be bothered. The house was always dark, so I always had a light on no matter the time. I then took off my shoes, my socks, my tie, and went to the bedroom to rest. Suddenly, the roof creaked as if something is walking on it. I thought it was just some rats and so I didn't care. It was quite an old house anyway, and so I didn't care. As I laid there, my phone rang. I pulled it out of his pocket and it was Sharon. "Hey Henry! I need you to cover for me tomorrow. I'm currently sick and I need you to do it. Alright?" she said. "Uh I can-" I was about to say that I can't when she cut me off. "Fantastic! Thank you so much Henry!" Sharon replied, immediately hanging up. She was always like that. She always had a ton of excuses to give just to skip work. Even though she said she was sick, she's probably just relaxing at home with her boyfriend or something, leaving me to cover her, and so I always do double the work. I then fell asleep. I was suddenly awoken from my sleep when I heard the wood creaking again. It sounded as if it was coming from the attic. I thought that it was rats again, until it happened again. Half asleep, I decided to investigate. So I got up, picked up a shoe, and went up into the attic. I opened the attic door, and climbed up the stairs. I then turned on the light and found that there was nothing there. It was the rats. I then turned around when I heard this voice. "Henry", a soft female voice whispered. I turned around, and saw a woman standing right in front of me. Probably just a few feet away. I was shocked and I screamed, thinking they were robbers or something. I was just about to run when I noticed that now the attic was empty, there were no stairs, no door. I panicked. I looked back and now I saw six more figures." "A woman? Six more figures?" I interrupted. "As I said, just believe me for a second. "Please do not scream. We're not going to harm you." the woman said. When I heard her voice, it had seemed so unreal. As if I was dreaming. "Who are you?" I asked. "My name is Pride. The woman to my left is called Lust, and the man to the right of me is called Wrath", the figure on the left of her responded. He was muscular, handsome, and his silky smooth baritone voice projected this sense of respect. Now I was never the religious type. I was raised in a Catholic family, but after my parents died I stopped believing. "Wait a minute, Wrath? Pride? Lust? The seven deadly sins? I must be dreaming," I said. It was so unreal. "When you first came here five days ago, we tried to stay silent. Ever since we lived here we always stayed silent. But when you came, we can't stay silent. You were always unfortunate, and you seem so.....lifeless. And we couldn't bear to see you like that. We know about work and Alana. We just....wanted to help you." Lust said. Then I asked how did she knew about work and you. And the male figure on her left said that they often checked on me because they were worried, except for one, Sloth, who stayed. "Whatever you do, please know that we are here now." she said. A really bright light then hit me and I was blinded. I couldn't see anything. I then woke up, sweating. I checked my phone. It said that it was 4.30 AM. I looked around. It was all a dream, I thought. It was just some work stress or something. Suddenly I heard a voice. "No it ain't", it said. I looked over to my left, to a chair, and I saw this figure. He was a bit chubby. He was bald. He looked a bit like old John. "I'm Gluttony." the man responded. "I'm turning crazy. I'm definitely turning crazy." I thought to myself. "No you ain't. We're all real and we're all worried about you." he responded. "The hell? You can read my mind? How?" I asked. "We're supernatural. We can do anything. Oh yeah, I forgot, I got something for you. It's in the kitchen if you want." the man said. Of course I was confused. What was in the kitchen? Maybe I am losing my mind and I was in denial. But I was curious, and so I got up and walked to the kitchen. The man walked along with me. When I got there, I saw this big plate with a fish steak and some red wine. I was flattered and he told me to eat it. "I was going to eat it, but I thought it'll be better for you to eat it. Your saving has made you famished." he said. I asked from where did he get said steak, but he said that I shouldn't worry and I should just eat it. As I was eating it, I can see from my peripheral that he's staring as if he was transfixed by the steak. Every time I looked up, he would turn his gaze, but I knew he wanted this so bad. But he was that kind to let me eat it instead. It was so good. I haven't eaten in a while because I was trying to save money. A few hours later, I went to work. As I was cataloging the items in the storage room, I heard someone come in. It was about 8 in the morning, and so it shouldn't be a customer. But I was just trying to do Sharon's work as fast as possible so I can focus on mine. Then the storage room door opened and someone asked me where Sharon was. I said that she was sick and I was covering for her. It was you. You were searching for her for something, I forgot, but at the time I wasn't confident enough." "It was a technical thing, the cash register can't detect the barcodes." "Oh right. But anyways, you then left. As you close the door, Pride showed up. "The fuck you doing man? She needs help, help her! You know about computers and stuff don't you? Help her then!". He said it with such pride. It was almost narcissistic. I said that while I do know it, I wasn't brave enough. I can't do it. You were so beautiful, and I just don't feel that you were worthy of me. He shouted at me that I am the most handsome individual on this earth and that I am worthy of you. I should get out there and help you. And then Lust showed up too, and gave me the same shouting. I collected my mind, and I got out and asked you what the problem was. And then you said-" "Yeah yeah, I said that it was nothing but you persisted. And you actually fixed it. It was wonderful." "I know. After that when I came back to the storage room I was so happy that I did that. Pride and Lust looked so happy with me finally cracking a smile. They then disappeared." "When they appeared and disappeared, did they have like a smoke or something like in the movies?" "No, they were just...there. No smoke no nothing. One second its nothing then you blink and there they were. But anyway. When I got home, Sharon called me again and asked whether or not I did her cataloging or not. I said I did and she was satisfied.	Fifteen Years ago, we were more like business partners. We each had our little slice in Life and we enjoyed our place in it. I especially took Pride in my work very seriously (Unlike that Slothful pansy). It was... like finding that one job you enjoyed immensely, that you could move up if you wanted to, but that would take you away from this love. Like Captain Kirk in that mediocre new movie, you would be bored and empty. Then we got deposed, a coup that usurped our positions and put us down on the bottom of the ladder again. Grunt work that any two bit hack could do and still get a movie made about them with crappy CGI and worse acting and still make a pretty penny. Seven of the Biggest Badasses of Hell, and now we are basically roommates haunting this admittedly nice house. A contemporary three storie with 5 beds, 4 baths (one being a tasteful jack and jill for the kids), and a few secrets tucked into its fold since the builder watched one too many spy films. Living together was a nightmare at first, furious as we were about our recent demotion. Once the anger faded (except for one of us, but that was his shtick so we let him) we all took stock, called in favors, and got our effects in order. We were content with our lot in life, we literally could do nothing about it, we were comfortable, and we got beaten by those just outright better than us. We each were past our prime and thought of this as a comfortable retirement. At least until our long term investments paid off and we took back our thrones, but we could be patient. So we had a few "clients" come and go, we knew every trick in the book (Each having writ a chapter of it) and didn't break any guidelines. We were consummate professionals. A couple of newlyweds that ran afoul of financial disparity and some infidelity, plus the occasional "Forceful occupation" to speed things along. A Millionaire that wanted to retire there as a summer home, with his various mistresses and excessive parties, did him in with a drumstick when no one knew the heimlich. Oh, and that "Starving Artist" we had go mad and inspire such unique pieces of art. Pieces sold well but mostly not from the aesthetics and more what it was made _from_, made one of us especially happy there. We have had our fair share of jokes and laughs and bets from our wandering clientele and we loved every moment of it. Until this guy came in. He came here a broken and empty shell, which usually means either we get our hooks in him and we make him our favorite saturday morning show of debasement and horror, or the guys upstairs fill him with that holier than thou attitude and it becomes a challenge; but this guy just flipped us both the bird, metaphorically since this guy started out as a total robot! Took no pride in his work, didn't have any desires at all, worked without even ceasing till it was done, and didn't care about anyone else or what they had or thought. Initially, we thought we had just been given a real test to flex our muscles and really show our stuff; but the guy was a brick wall! When we realized that we were getting nowhere with subtlety, we swallowed my nature and ahem went the poltergeist route. Blegh, it's the desperate tactic of those without imagination or the desperate. And we only minorly inconvenienced the bastard. Finally, we had had enough and sent out sniffers to get the guy's story. Either this was a prank from our former subordinates and they actually sent us a legit robot and we couldn't tell or we were just really losing our touch. What we got, was so much more... humbling. He was an immigrant kid, born on the wrong side of town but determined to keep his nose clean. Got in a few scuffles though and paid the price for it with what happened to his sister. Made a few of us look away with just how far some humans will go when they indulge in our vices. (We are artisans of the craft, and they used it like a nail studded bat to a piece of art.) Got out and got on a good path that really reminded me of a case I endorsed a few years ago, but for the other guy. He still won the sonofabitch but paid in his health. Got married and then divorced, then married again, that whole shtick, but then the zinger happens. He got overshadowed by someone younger, someone bolder, someone with a sparkling and clean record, unlike his rags to riches past. We all felt that. Now he is just a middle manager, a nobody cog in the system, and the only thing in him is a hollow duty to the job that makes it like a drain on anything that gets poured into him. The Pansy has no grips in him either because he keeps his work ethic no matter what. He's still in his prime, if not the later years of it, especially with this super powered medicine that was developed lately, and now he is incapable of doing anything about it. So I talked to the the others, and we were in accordance. This guy really needs us back in his life, and through him we are gonna get our old jobs back. It wasn't gonna be easy, but we were dedicated to our new lot in life. So I wrenched the guy's attention to me, had a sit down with him, showed him a contract with all the bells and whistles, no monkey's paw, no shenanigans, and laid it all out for him. He looked it over, actually broke his daily routine and called a lawyer friend and had him look it over (Claiming it as a joke he found online, the lawyer wasn't convinced) and he signed it. Now, we were in business again. The others are more for how he lives his life, plenty of fresh experiences, time to rest, constructive uses of anger, and a steady diet; while I and my partners deal with the business aspect, what land to vie for, how to make the most profit, and how to make people follow your drive without making enemies, or at least more than you need to keep that competition alive. That was five years ago, and his enemies are either converted or squashed beneath his heel, and through his campaign, also dislodged our usurpers greatest agents and foundations. Needless to say, we eventually took it all back, and then realized that it wasn't enough anymore. We helped a man go from broken and beaten shell to owning the entire world and being a household name. And we were not content with being lackeys, even important ones. We were fundamental aspects of the sapient spirit and we realized we had so much more power than we thought, not since so long ago when we were just basic deities over certain areas. So we promoted ourselves in the positions at the top and took the reins from those whom squandered it over a petty fight. Now I and my six brothers and sisters run the show, and it was from demons helping an honest man rise to the top. We don't seek petty worship, we never have, just indulge in our Love and live your life to the fullest, experiencing what you desire and seeing it all in the time you're given.
[WP] A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they're all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.	"Come on Eric, you really need to eat something. I know you don't want to, but that hunger pain in your gut isn't going to go away on its own", said Gluttony. "Nobody is judging you Eric. Besides, caring what other people think of you is fruitless. The trick is learning to love yourself the way you are", said Sloth. "You can be just as happy as the couple in this movie, Eric. When you're ready and the timing is right, you will find love too", said Lust. "Sure this house isn't the nicest place, but things will get better at work and you'll be able to live where you want to", said Greed. "Stop beating yourself up. Depression is painful but it doesn't mean you're weak. It's a long fight and you'll lose some battles, but you can win the war if you keep fighting", said Wrath. "You aren't the only one who struggling with this. Even though they have the fancy car, nice job, and big family they feel the same way sometimes. Everyone faces the darkness at some point", said Envy "You just don't understand!" said Eric, "I'm fucking cursed. Nothing takes away the pain, nothing fills the emptiness, nothing makes me feel...anything! It's like being stuck in an endless cycling void that keeps getting darker and colder and none of you bastards knows what that's like. Just shut up and leave me alone!" "We do know Eric", said Pride. "We know what it's like to be trapped, stuck in the darkness with our pain forever. That's what being a ghost is. Each of us has become that pain that plagued us in life. We want to help you, to keep you from becoming one of us. But we can't force that to happen. The first thing that you have to do is accept that this is your burden. No it isn't fair, but it's your's nonetheless." "Fine! I accept it! I'm fucking cursed, didn't you hear me?!" "Good. Now let us teach you how to deal with curses."	Fifteen Years ago, we were more like business partners. We each had our little slice in Life and we enjoyed our place in it. I especially took Pride in my work very seriously (Unlike that Slothful pansy). It was... like finding that one job you enjoyed immensely, that you could move up if you wanted to, but that would take you away from this love. Like Captain Kirk in that mediocre new movie, you would be bored and empty. Then we got deposed, a coup that usurped our positions and put us down on the bottom of the ladder again. Grunt work that any two bit hack could do and still get a movie made about them with crappy CGI and worse acting and still make a pretty penny. Seven of the Biggest Badasses of Hell, and now we are basically roommates haunting this admittedly nice house. A contemporary three storie with 5 beds, 4 baths (one being a tasteful jack and jill for the kids), and a few secrets tucked into its fold since the builder watched one too many spy films. Living together was a nightmare at first, furious as we were about our recent demotion. Once the anger faded (except for one of us, but that was his shtick so we let him) we all took stock, called in favors, and got our effects in order. We were content with our lot in life, we literally could do nothing about it, we were comfortable, and we got beaten by those just outright better than us. We each were past our prime and thought of this as a comfortable retirement. At least until our long term investments paid off and we took back our thrones, but we could be patient. So we had a few "clients" come and go, we knew every trick in the book (Each having writ a chapter of it) and didn't break any guidelines. We were consummate professionals. A couple of newlyweds that ran afoul of financial disparity and some infidelity, plus the occasional "Forceful occupation" to speed things along. A Millionaire that wanted to retire there as a summer home, with his various mistresses and excessive parties, did him in with a drumstick when no one knew the heimlich. Oh, and that "Starving Artist" we had go mad and inspire such unique pieces of art. Pieces sold well but mostly not from the aesthetics and more what it was made _from_, made one of us especially happy there. We have had our fair share of jokes and laughs and bets from our wandering clientele and we loved every moment of it. Until this guy came in. He came here a broken and empty shell, which usually means either we get our hooks in him and we make him our favorite saturday morning show of debasement and horror, or the guys upstairs fill him with that holier than thou attitude and it becomes a challenge; but this guy just flipped us both the bird, metaphorically since this guy started out as a total robot! Took no pride in his work, didn't have any desires at all, worked without even ceasing till it was done, and didn't care about anyone else or what they had or thought. Initially, we thought we had just been given a real test to flex our muscles and really show our stuff; but the guy was a brick wall! When we realized that we were getting nowhere with subtlety, we swallowed my nature and ahem went the poltergeist route. Blegh, it's the desperate tactic of those without imagination or the desperate. And we only minorly inconvenienced the bastard. Finally, we had had enough and sent out sniffers to get the guy's story. Either this was a prank from our former subordinates and they actually sent us a legit robot and we couldn't tell or we were just really losing our touch. What we got, was so much more... humbling. He was an immigrant kid, born on the wrong side of town but determined to keep his nose clean. Got in a few scuffles though and paid the price for it with what happened to his sister. Made a few of us look away with just how far some humans will go when they indulge in our vices. (We are artisans of the craft, and they used it like a nail studded bat to a piece of art.) Got out and got on a good path that really reminded me of a case I endorsed a few years ago, but for the other guy. He still won the sonofabitch but paid in his health. Got married and then divorced, then married again, that whole shtick, but then the zinger happens. He got overshadowed by someone younger, someone bolder, someone with a sparkling and clean record, unlike his rags to riches past. We all felt that. Now he is just a middle manager, a nobody cog in the system, and the only thing in him is a hollow duty to the job that makes it like a drain on anything that gets poured into him. The Pansy has no grips in him either because he keeps his work ethic no matter what. He's still in his prime, if not the later years of it, especially with this super powered medicine that was developed lately, and now he is incapable of doing anything about it. So I talked to the the others, and we were in accordance. This guy really needs us back in his life, and through him we are gonna get our old jobs back. It wasn't gonna be easy, but we were dedicated to our new lot in life. So I wrenched the guy's attention to me, had a sit down with him, showed him a contract with all the bells and whistles, no monkey's paw, no shenanigans, and laid it all out for him. He looked it over, actually broke his daily routine and called a lawyer friend and had him look it over (Claiming it as a joke he found online, the lawyer wasn't convinced) and he signed it. Now, we were in business again. The others are more for how he lives his life, plenty of fresh experiences, time to rest, constructive uses of anger, and a steady diet; while I and my partners deal with the business aspect, what land to vie for, how to make the most profit, and how to make people follow your drive without making enemies, or at least more than you need to keep that competition alive. That was five years ago, and his enemies are either converted or squashed beneath his heel, and through his campaign, also dislodged our usurpers greatest agents and foundations. Needless to say, we eventually took it all back, and then realized that it wasn't enough anymore. We helped a man go from broken and beaten shell to owning the entire world and being a household name. And we were not content with being lackeys, even important ones. We were fundamental aspects of the sapient spirit and we realized we had so much more power than we thought, not since so long ago when we were just basic deities over certain areas. So we promoted ourselves in the positions at the top and took the reins from those whom squandered it over a petty fight. Now I and my six brothers and sisters run the show, and it was from demons helping an honest man rise to the top. We don't seek petty worship, we never have, just indulge in our Love and live your life to the fullest, experiencing what you desire and seeing it all in the time you're given.
[WP] A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they're all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.	Nobody likes moving house. It's tedious, a boring chore that everybody seems to go through at least once in their life. Some celebrate the change, others loathe the change, but nobody enjoys the moving. I didn't enjoy the move either, but that doesn't surprise me. I don't enjoy much of anything. I don't dislike much either. Mostly life just passes me by. I'm a passenger in my own vehicle, always staring out of the window but never taking the wheel. Until I moved. Who knew that a few old demons, far beyond their prime and banished to the realm of superstition, could do that which the medicine could not? Ancient beings succeeding where modern practice failed. It started with Sloth. Ambivalence was old hat to me, I had known weeks to flash before my eyes as I passed through them in a daze, rarely leaving my bed even to use the bathroom. That's what got me kicked out, the reason I moved into this house. My sister finally gave up. She spent so long trying, and failing, to push me into the outside world, but I would not leave. I was a bird happy to stay in my nest. So they took away my nest and told me to learn to fly. I thought it was a side effect of the new prescription at first. I'd hear a voice telling me to move, to get up, to do something, anything. He'd stand there, berating me for being so lazy, such a waste of potential. "There is only a time to relax when you have a reason to act." I had finally snapped, I was hearing the voices, soon I'd be in a padded cell wearing a hug-jacket and sipping opiates out of a toddler's cup. Then it hit me. Well... he hit me. It's hard to tell yourself something isn't real when it breaks your nose. He started with teaching me how to truly enjoy my time doing nothing. Which is to say, he found tasks for me to do. I discovered a world I had never known existed, a world of autonomy, where I made the decision to act, not for my sister, not for my doctor, not even for Sloth. For myself. From that new world, my old world evolved. Sitting on the sofa, watching the clock tick by and dreaming of a world in which I mattered, transformed into sweet relief. Release from the satisfying aches and pains, both physical and mental, which signified a productive day. Watching television became a luxury, the time I had for it growing ever shorter, the shows I watched becoming that much more intense as I had to pick only that which I truly wanted to watch. Under Sloth I became active, but Gluttony was the first to help me channel my newfound lease on life. She gave me a cookbook on our first meeting, 'Simple Meals For The Single Man'. Simple though the meals may have been, learning to cook was not. I've lost count of the times I've failed to create a palatable dish. Countless plates have been hurled, inedible failure and all, at my critical sous chef. She was always bitter to see food go wasted by my lack of talents, and always free to inform me of my culinary sins. Time and practice make perfect though. Her criticisms slowly morphed into grudging compliments, then into showers of praise. Now I can barely cook enough to satisfy her. Envy came to me next. He pointed to the other men in the neighborhood, focusing on the perfection of their physical form. The sculpted muscles, the perfect haircuts, the whitest smiles. All of it could be mine, he would say, if I wished it so. He taught me how to take care of myself, to turn my desires into reality. I stopped wishing I was others, and became that which others wished to be. Soon I was at my peak, I had become all that I could physically be. But I was still weak in my mind. I had no confidence, no belief in my self. And then there was Pride. Pride was exactly as you would expect. He bowed to no other, he respected only those who earned his respect, and he made those who did not earn it crave it even more. He was the lion in the savannah of my home. I clashed with him often at first, he looked down on me like trash, and in my mind I was living with my sister again. I lowered my head every time. Afraid that I would anger him, that by refusing to bow before him he would spare me no shame. One day I could stand no more, he called me scum and I shook with rage, fury flowing through my soul. The fires of hell were burning in my eyes, and my blood screamed through my veins. As Sloth bloodied my nose, so I bloodied Pride's. That was the first time Wrath made herself known to me, and the first time Pride looked upon me with respect. The two of them became my closest companions for a time, they helped me become strong of soul, not just of body. To bend with force, but to never break. While Pride showed me what I should stand for, Wrath showed me how to fight for it. She beat her lessons into me, every bruise a new skill learned. Every broken bone was to be worn with pride, for she only broke me when she was beaten. I became stronger under her by learning how to use the strength I had, how to unleash my anger and channel my rage. It was never enough to merely beat an enemy, they must be taught to never again challenge my authority. Lust showed me how to love another. She was there on every first date, hiding from all but me, whispers of encouragement falling from her soft lips, caressing my ears with a sensual touch. She taught me how to take that feeling, and how to share it with another, to revel in the sensations that mere words could invoke. Reveling in the sensation of words turned into reveling in the sensations of flesh. The rolling of hips, the ghostly touch of a woman's breath in my ear, the throes of pleasure. All these, and more, became mine to experience. And when I had learned how to love the body of another, I came to understand how to love the soul of another. When Greed finally came to me years had passed. I was no longer the shell of man that I had been, I was the best I could be, I had become all that I could ever desire to be and more. So I turned him away. He had no more to offer me than that which was already within my grasp. Nobody likes moving house, but I'm glad I did. Thanks for reading if you made it this far. This is actually the first piece I've written in about five years and I did it all in one shot, so I apologise if it seems a bit inconsistent! Please feel free to leave any criticism below, and be as brutal as possible on what I can do better.	Fifteen Years ago, we were more like business partners. We each had our little slice in Life and we enjoyed our place in it. I especially took Pride in my work very seriously (Unlike that Slothful pansy). It was... like finding that one job you enjoyed immensely, that you could move up if you wanted to, but that would take you away from this love. Like Captain Kirk in that mediocre new movie, you would be bored and empty. Then we got deposed, a coup that usurped our positions and put us down on the bottom of the ladder again. Grunt work that any two bit hack could do and still get a movie made about them with crappy CGI and worse acting and still make a pretty penny. Seven of the Biggest Badasses of Hell, and now we are basically roommates haunting this admittedly nice house. A contemporary three storie with 5 beds, 4 baths (one being a tasteful jack and jill for the kids), and a few secrets tucked into its fold since the builder watched one too many spy films. Living together was a nightmare at first, furious as we were about our recent demotion. Once the anger faded (except for one of us, but that was his shtick so we let him) we all took stock, called in favors, and got our effects in order. We were content with our lot in life, we literally could do nothing about it, we were comfortable, and we got beaten by those just outright better than us. We each were past our prime and thought of this as a comfortable retirement. At least until our long term investments paid off and we took back our thrones, but we could be patient. So we had a few "clients" come and go, we knew every trick in the book (Each having writ a chapter of it) and didn't break any guidelines. We were consummate professionals. A couple of newlyweds that ran afoul of financial disparity and some infidelity, plus the occasional "Forceful occupation" to speed things along. A Millionaire that wanted to retire there as a summer home, with his various mistresses and excessive parties, did him in with a drumstick when no one knew the heimlich. Oh, and that "Starving Artist" we had go mad and inspire such unique pieces of art. Pieces sold well but mostly not from the aesthetics and more what it was made _from_, made one of us especially happy there. We have had our fair share of jokes and laughs and bets from our wandering clientele and we loved every moment of it. Until this guy came in. He came here a broken and empty shell, which usually means either we get our hooks in him and we make him our favorite saturday morning show of debasement and horror, or the guys upstairs fill him with that holier than thou attitude and it becomes a challenge; but this guy just flipped us both the bird, metaphorically since this guy started out as a total robot! Took no pride in his work, didn't have any desires at all, worked without even ceasing till it was done, and didn't care about anyone else or what they had or thought. Initially, we thought we had just been given a real test to flex our muscles and really show our stuff; but the guy was a brick wall! When we realized that we were getting nowhere with subtlety, we swallowed my nature and ahem went the poltergeist route. Blegh, it's the desperate tactic of those without imagination or the desperate. And we only minorly inconvenienced the bastard. Finally, we had had enough and sent out sniffers to get the guy's story. Either this was a prank from our former subordinates and they actually sent us a legit robot and we couldn't tell or we were just really losing our touch. What we got, was so much more... humbling. He was an immigrant kid, born on the wrong side of town but determined to keep his nose clean. Got in a few scuffles though and paid the price for it with what happened to his sister. Made a few of us look away with just how far some humans will go when they indulge in our vices. (We are artisans of the craft, and they used it like a nail studded bat to a piece of art.) Got out and got on a good path that really reminded me of a case I endorsed a few years ago, but for the other guy. He still won the sonofabitch but paid in his health. Got married and then divorced, then married again, that whole shtick, but then the zinger happens. He got overshadowed by someone younger, someone bolder, someone with a sparkling and clean record, unlike his rags to riches past. We all felt that. Now he is just a middle manager, a nobody cog in the system, and the only thing in him is a hollow duty to the job that makes it like a drain on anything that gets poured into him. The Pansy has no grips in him either because he keeps his work ethic no matter what. He's still in his prime, if not the later years of it, especially with this super powered medicine that was developed lately, and now he is incapable of doing anything about it. So I talked to the the others, and we were in accordance. This guy really needs us back in his life, and through him we are gonna get our old jobs back. It wasn't gonna be easy, but we were dedicated to our new lot in life. So I wrenched the guy's attention to me, had a sit down with him, showed him a contract with all the bells and whistles, no monkey's paw, no shenanigans, and laid it all out for him. He looked it over, actually broke his daily routine and called a lawyer friend and had him look it over (Claiming it as a joke he found online, the lawyer wasn't convinced) and he signed it. Now, we were in business again. The others are more for how he lives his life, plenty of fresh experiences, time to rest, constructive uses of anger, and a steady diet; while I and my partners deal with the business aspect, what land to vie for, how to make the most profit, and how to make people follow your drive without making enemies, or at least more than you need to keep that competition alive. That was five years ago, and his enemies are either converted or squashed beneath his heel, and through his campaign, also dislodged our usurpers greatest agents and foundations. Needless to say, we eventually took it all back, and then realized that it wasn't enough anymore. We helped a man go from broken and beaten shell to owning the entire world and being a household name. And we were not content with being lackeys, even important ones. We were fundamental aspects of the sapient spirit and we realized we had so much more power than we thought, not since so long ago when we were just basic deities over certain areas. So we promoted ourselves in the positions at the top and took the reins from those whom squandered it over a petty fight. Now I and my six brothers and sisters run the show, and it was from demons helping an honest man rise to the top. We don't seek petty worship, we never have, just indulge in our Love and live your life to the fullest, experiencing what you desire and seeing it all in the time you're given.
[WP] A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they're all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.	"Come on Eric, you really need to eat something. I know you don't want to, but that hunger pain in your gut isn't going to go away on its own", said Gluttony. "Nobody is judging you Eric. Besides, caring what other people think of you is fruitless. The trick is learning to love yourself the way you are", said Sloth. "You can be just as happy as the couple in this movie, Eric. When you're ready and the timing is right, you will find love too", said Lust. "Sure this house isn't the nicest place, but things will get better at work and you'll be able to live where you want to", said Greed. "Stop beating yourself up. Depression is painful but it doesn't mean you're weak. It's a long fight and you'll lose some battles, but you can win the war if you keep fighting", said Wrath. "You aren't the only one who struggling with this. Even though they have the fancy car, nice job, and big family they feel the same way sometimes. Everyone faces the darkness at some point", said Envy "You just don't understand!" said Eric, "I'm fucking cursed. Nothing takes away the pain, nothing fills the emptiness, nothing makes me feel...anything! It's like being stuck in an endless cycling void that keeps getting darker and colder and none of you bastards knows what that's like. Just shut up and leave me alone!" "We do know Eric", said Pride. "We know what it's like to be trapped, stuck in the darkness with our pain forever. That's what being a ghost is. Each of us has become that pain that plagued us in life. We want to help you, to keep you from becoming one of us. But we can't force that to happen. The first thing that you have to do is accept that this is your burden. No it isn't fair, but it's your's nonetheless." "Fine! I accept it! I'm fucking cursed, didn't you hear me?!" "Good. Now let us teach you how to deal with curses."	Why? If you asked me how I first met the Deadly Seven, I wouldn't quite remember each introduction. I know it involved an old, old house that had seen brighter days long ago. I had, too. I can tell you why. The day I lugged my cardboard boxes into that rickety shed of a house was the darkest point in my life. I had no hope. no drive, no desires. The time passed, and I spent every day ruminating about my failures: what had gone wrong, what I could have done better, how terrible a human being I was, how the world would be better off if I had the courage to lift my weapon the few feet it took to put the barrel to my temple. And then one night, I saw her. She was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen in all my life, and yet it did not occur to me that such beauty did not belong in the shack I called home. She laid her hands on my shoulders and kissed my forehead. "You are better than them," she whispered in my ear. All thoughts of my death were forgotten as I looked her in the eye and saw myself as she saw me: a handsome young man in the prime of his life, against whom the world had conspired. She smiled at me and put a soft hand on my cheek. "Get up and prove it!" In the days to follow, I met her brothers and sisters. Demons, they were called. To my mind, however, they were saving graces. What would I have done without them? Her brother helped me acquire a job and clothes, all the comforts one could possibly want, and objects beyond that. Her other brother, as large and bovine as he was, helped me enjoy life again! I had an appetite! I enjoyed the flavors on my tongue and the feeling of food sliding down my throat! Her sister, so alike in appearance but different in her advice, helped me to see what I liked and disliked in others. Her hand, so lovingly placed on mine, guided it so that I could finally have what I saw others possess without toil and what I had always worked so hard for: respect, admiration, a car that didn't break down every two months. Their good brother helped me keep what is mine. So long, I had let others do what they wanted, but now! Now I had him at my ear, saying, "That's not fair!" or "That brown-noser deserves to go down." With their help, I moved up in my company at a pace that was blindingly fast to my coworkers. And when I thought I had it all, their next sibling sidled up to me and asked if I'd like a companion. This demon was actually an old friend, from before the house. When I was at my lowest, I had lost interest in all desires like food or sex. With my new companions, I could see now what made life worth living. I met a lady or two (or three), and though they were nice, with each person, I experimented and grew closer to discovering what I wanted in a partner. Maybe this is what I was missing all those years ago. When that happy demon family was firmly integrated into my life, and I worked hard and renovated that house to make it beautiful for all of us, I had the last sibling at the end of every day telling me to rest, to be content; there would be work enough for all of tomorrow's tomorrows. So at the end of the long work day, I sat on the couch with my demons and basked in their friendship. Eventually, the day came when I had to move on. I asked my friends if they were ultimately confined to the house. The oldest, the first one who had approached me, put her hand once again on my cheek. "As long as you will have us, we will be with you. And even when you're done with us, we'll be waiting until you want us again." Did she know what comfort that gave me? Did she know how warm I felt, knowing I would always have them to fall back on? I think she did. As she said, even when I thought I was done with them, they were waiting for me. Surrounded as I am by my second wife and many children and grandchildren, perhaps by obligation moreso than love, I can feel them waiting for me. I can feel myself yearning to go home. So that's why. That's why I cringe here before you. You, who call yourselves "The Virtues." Whatever did diligence, chastity, patience, kindness, temperance, charity or humility do for me? You tell me you were with me, you tell me I had only to seek you! You look at me with pity, but I have lived with these demons, and they alone will be with me for the rest of eternity.
[WP] A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they're all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.	Nobody likes moving house. It's tedious, a boring chore that everybody seems to go through at least once in their life. Some celebrate the change, others loathe the change, but nobody enjoys the moving. I didn't enjoy the move either, but that doesn't surprise me. I don't enjoy much of anything. I don't dislike much either. Mostly life just passes me by. I'm a passenger in my own vehicle, always staring out of the window but never taking the wheel. Until I moved. Who knew that a few old demons, far beyond their prime and banished to the realm of superstition, could do that which the medicine could not? Ancient beings succeeding where modern practice failed. It started with Sloth. Ambivalence was old hat to me, I had known weeks to flash before my eyes as I passed through them in a daze, rarely leaving my bed even to use the bathroom. That's what got me kicked out, the reason I moved into this house. My sister finally gave up. She spent so long trying, and failing, to push me into the outside world, but I would not leave. I was a bird happy to stay in my nest. So they took away my nest and told me to learn to fly. I thought it was a side effect of the new prescription at first. I'd hear a voice telling me to move, to get up, to do something, anything. He'd stand there, berating me for being so lazy, such a waste of potential. "There is only a time to relax when you have a reason to act." I had finally snapped, I was hearing the voices, soon I'd be in a padded cell wearing a hug-jacket and sipping opiates out of a toddler's cup. Then it hit me. Well... he hit me. It's hard to tell yourself something isn't real when it breaks your nose. He started with teaching me how to truly enjoy my time doing nothing. Which is to say, he found tasks for me to do. I discovered a world I had never known existed, a world of autonomy, where I made the decision to act, not for my sister, not for my doctor, not even for Sloth. For myself. From that new world, my old world evolved. Sitting on the sofa, watching the clock tick by and dreaming of a world in which I mattered, transformed into sweet relief. Release from the satisfying aches and pains, both physical and mental, which signified a productive day. Watching television became a luxury, the time I had for it growing ever shorter, the shows I watched becoming that much more intense as I had to pick only that which I truly wanted to watch. Under Sloth I became active, but Gluttony was the first to help me channel my newfound lease on life. She gave me a cookbook on our first meeting, 'Simple Meals For The Single Man'. Simple though the meals may have been, learning to cook was not. I've lost count of the times I've failed to create a palatable dish. Countless plates have been hurled, inedible failure and all, at my critical sous chef. She was always bitter to see food go wasted by my lack of talents, and always free to inform me of my culinary sins. Time and practice make perfect though. Her criticisms slowly morphed into grudging compliments, then into showers of praise. Now I can barely cook enough to satisfy her. Envy came to me next. He pointed to the other men in the neighborhood, focusing on the perfection of their physical form. The sculpted muscles, the perfect haircuts, the whitest smiles. All of it could be mine, he would say, if I wished it so. He taught me how to take care of myself, to turn my desires into reality. I stopped wishing I was others, and became that which others wished to be. Soon I was at my peak, I had become all that I could physically be. But I was still weak in my mind. I had no confidence, no belief in my self. And then there was Pride. Pride was exactly as you would expect. He bowed to no other, he respected only those who earned his respect, and he made those who did not earn it crave it even more. He was the lion in the savannah of my home. I clashed with him often at first, he looked down on me like trash, and in my mind I was living with my sister again. I lowered my head every time. Afraid that I would anger him, that by refusing to bow before him he would spare me no shame. One day I could stand no more, he called me scum and I shook with rage, fury flowing through my soul. The fires of hell were burning in my eyes, and my blood screamed through my veins. As Sloth bloodied my nose, so I bloodied Pride's. That was the first time Wrath made herself known to me, and the first time Pride looked upon me with respect. The two of them became my closest companions for a time, they helped me become strong of soul, not just of body. To bend with force, but to never break. While Pride showed me what I should stand for, Wrath showed me how to fight for it. She beat her lessons into me, every bruise a new skill learned. Every broken bone was to be worn with pride, for she only broke me when she was beaten. I became stronger under her by learning how to use the strength I had, how to unleash my anger and channel my rage. It was never enough to merely beat an enemy, they must be taught to never again challenge my authority. Lust showed me how to love another. She was there on every first date, hiding from all but me, whispers of encouragement falling from her soft lips, caressing my ears with a sensual touch. She taught me how to take that feeling, and how to share it with another, to revel in the sensations that mere words could invoke. Reveling in the sensation of words turned into reveling in the sensations of flesh. The rolling of hips, the ghostly touch of a woman's breath in my ear, the throes of pleasure. All these, and more, became mine to experience. And when I had learned how to love the body of another, I came to understand how to love the soul of another. When Greed finally came to me years had passed. I was no longer the shell of man that I had been, I was the best I could be, I had become all that I could ever desire to be and more. So I turned him away. He had no more to offer me than that which was already within my grasp. Nobody likes moving house, but I'm glad I did. Thanks for reading if you made it this far. This is actually the first piece I've written in about five years and I did it all in one shot, so I apologise if it seems a bit inconsistent! Please feel free to leave any criticism below, and be as brutal as possible on what I can do better.	Why? If you asked me how I first met the Deadly Seven, I wouldn't quite remember each introduction. I know it involved an old, old house that had seen brighter days long ago. I had, too. I can tell you why. The day I lugged my cardboard boxes into that rickety shed of a house was the darkest point in my life. I had no hope. no drive, no desires. The time passed, and I spent every day ruminating about my failures: what had gone wrong, what I could have done better, how terrible a human being I was, how the world would be better off if I had the courage to lift my weapon the few feet it took to put the barrel to my temple. And then one night, I saw her. She was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen in all my life, and yet it did not occur to me that such beauty did not belong in the shack I called home. She laid her hands on my shoulders and kissed my forehead. "You are better than them," she whispered in my ear. All thoughts of my death were forgotten as I looked her in the eye and saw myself as she saw me: a handsome young man in the prime of his life, against whom the world had conspired. She smiled at me and put a soft hand on my cheek. "Get up and prove it!" In the days to follow, I met her brothers and sisters. Demons, they were called. To my mind, however, they were saving graces. What would I have done without them? Her brother helped me acquire a job and clothes, all the comforts one could possibly want, and objects beyond that. Her other brother, as large and bovine as he was, helped me enjoy life again! I had an appetite! I enjoyed the flavors on my tongue and the feeling of food sliding down my throat! Her sister, so alike in appearance but different in her advice, helped me to see what I liked and disliked in others. Her hand, so lovingly placed on mine, guided it so that I could finally have what I saw others possess without toil and what I had always worked so hard for: respect, admiration, a car that didn't break down every two months. Their good brother helped me keep what is mine. So long, I had let others do what they wanted, but now! Now I had him at my ear, saying, "That's not fair!" or "That brown-noser deserves to go down." With their help, I moved up in my company at a pace that was blindingly fast to my coworkers. And when I thought I had it all, their next sibling sidled up to me and asked if I'd like a companion. This demon was actually an old friend, from before the house. When I was at my lowest, I had lost interest in all desires like food or sex. With my new companions, I could see now what made life worth living. I met a lady or two (or three), and though they were nice, with each person, I experimented and grew closer to discovering what I wanted in a partner. Maybe this is what I was missing all those years ago. When that happy demon family was firmly integrated into my life, and I worked hard and renovated that house to make it beautiful for all of us, I had the last sibling at the end of every day telling me to rest, to be content; there would be work enough for all of tomorrow's tomorrows. So at the end of the long work day, I sat on the couch with my demons and basked in their friendship. Eventually, the day came when I had to move on. I asked my friends if they were ultimately confined to the house. The oldest, the first one who had approached me, put her hand once again on my cheek. "As long as you will have us, we will be with you. And even when you're done with us, we'll be waiting until you want us again." Did she know what comfort that gave me? Did she know how warm I felt, knowing I would always have them to fall back on? I think she did. As she said, even when I thought I was done with them, they were waiting for me. Surrounded as I am by my second wife and many children and grandchildren, perhaps by obligation moreso than love, I can feel them waiting for me. I can feel myself yearning to go home. So that's why. That's why I cringe here before you. You, who call yourselves "The Virtues." Whatever did diligence, chastity, patience, kindness, temperance, charity or humility do for me? You tell me you were with me, you tell me I had only to seek you! You look at me with pity, but I have lived with these demons, and they alone will be with me for the rest of eternity.
[WP] A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they're all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.	Nobody likes moving house. It's tedious, a boring chore that everybody seems to go through at least once in their life. Some celebrate the change, others loathe the change, but nobody enjoys the moving. I didn't enjoy the move either, but that doesn't surprise me. I don't enjoy much of anything. I don't dislike much either. Mostly life just passes me by. I'm a passenger in my own vehicle, always staring out of the window but never taking the wheel. Until I moved. Who knew that a few old demons, far beyond their prime and banished to the realm of superstition, could do that which the medicine could not? Ancient beings succeeding where modern practice failed. It started with Sloth. Ambivalence was old hat to me, I had known weeks to flash before my eyes as I passed through them in a daze, rarely leaving my bed even to use the bathroom. That's what got me kicked out, the reason I moved into this house. My sister finally gave up. She spent so long trying, and failing, to push me into the outside world, but I would not leave. I was a bird happy to stay in my nest. So they took away my nest and told me to learn to fly. I thought it was a side effect of the new prescription at first. I'd hear a voice telling me to move, to get up, to do something, anything. He'd stand there, berating me for being so lazy, such a waste of potential. "There is only a time to relax when you have a reason to act." I had finally snapped, I was hearing the voices, soon I'd be in a padded cell wearing a hug-jacket and sipping opiates out of a toddler's cup. Then it hit me. Well... he hit me. It's hard to tell yourself something isn't real when it breaks your nose. He started with teaching me how to truly enjoy my time doing nothing. Which is to say, he found tasks for me to do. I discovered a world I had never known existed, a world of autonomy, where I made the decision to act, not for my sister, not for my doctor, not even for Sloth. For myself. From that new world, my old world evolved. Sitting on the sofa, watching the clock tick by and dreaming of a world in which I mattered, transformed into sweet relief. Release from the satisfying aches and pains, both physical and mental, which signified a productive day. Watching television became a luxury, the time I had for it growing ever shorter, the shows I watched becoming that much more intense as I had to pick only that which I truly wanted to watch. Under Sloth I became active, but Gluttony was the first to help me channel my newfound lease on life. She gave me a cookbook on our first meeting, 'Simple Meals For The Single Man'. Simple though the meals may have been, learning to cook was not. I've lost count of the times I've failed to create a palatable dish. Countless plates have been hurled, inedible failure and all, at my critical sous chef. She was always bitter to see food go wasted by my lack of talents, and always free to inform me of my culinary sins. Time and practice make perfect though. Her criticisms slowly morphed into grudging compliments, then into showers of praise. Now I can barely cook enough to satisfy her. Envy came to me next. He pointed to the other men in the neighborhood, focusing on the perfection of their physical form. The sculpted muscles, the perfect haircuts, the whitest smiles. All of it could be mine, he would say, if I wished it so. He taught me how to take care of myself, to turn my desires into reality. I stopped wishing I was others, and became that which others wished to be. Soon I was at my peak, I had become all that I could physically be. But I was still weak in my mind. I had no confidence, no belief in my self. And then there was Pride. Pride was exactly as you would expect. He bowed to no other, he respected only those who earned his respect, and he made those who did not earn it crave it even more. He was the lion in the savannah of my home. I clashed with him often at first, he looked down on me like trash, and in my mind I was living with my sister again. I lowered my head every time. Afraid that I would anger him, that by refusing to bow before him he would spare me no shame. One day I could stand no more, he called me scum and I shook with rage, fury flowing through my soul. The fires of hell were burning in my eyes, and my blood screamed through my veins. As Sloth bloodied my nose, so I bloodied Pride's. That was the first time Wrath made herself known to me, and the first time Pride looked upon me with respect. The two of them became my closest companions for a time, they helped me become strong of soul, not just of body. To bend with force, but to never break. While Pride showed me what I should stand for, Wrath showed me how to fight for it. She beat her lessons into me, every bruise a new skill learned. Every broken bone was to be worn with pride, for she only broke me when she was beaten. I became stronger under her by learning how to use the strength I had, how to unleash my anger and channel my rage. It was never enough to merely beat an enemy, they must be taught to never again challenge my authority. Lust showed me how to love another. She was there on every first date, hiding from all but me, whispers of encouragement falling from her soft lips, caressing my ears with a sensual touch. She taught me how to take that feeling, and how to share it with another, to revel in the sensations that mere words could invoke. Reveling in the sensation of words turned into reveling in the sensations of flesh. The rolling of hips, the ghostly touch of a woman's breath in my ear, the throes of pleasure. All these, and more, became mine to experience. And when I had learned how to love the body of another, I came to understand how to love the soul of another. When Greed finally came to me years had passed. I was no longer the shell of man that I had been, I was the best I could be, I had become all that I could ever desire to be and more. So I turned him away. He had no more to offer me than that which was already within my grasp. Nobody likes moving house, but I'm glad I did. Thanks for reading if you made it this far. This is actually the first piece I've written in about five years and I did it all in one shot, so I apologise if it seems a bit inconsistent! Please feel free to leave any criticism below, and be as brutal as possible on what I can do better.	Room 332. When I got on the third floor, I asked a nurse where was Room 332. She pointed to the hallway on my right and said its on the end of the corridor. After walking a bit, I found Room 332. I then sat on the cold metallic seat and waited. A nurse then got out. "Excuse me, are you Alana Wright? Your boyfriend's awake." The nurse said. I immediately went in and I saw him. His skin looked yellow and he was weak. A bag by the side of his bed had some dark liquid. He turned his head and when he saw me, he smiled. "Alana," he said. "Come here." "Yeah babe?" I said. "Do you remember all those days when we first met at the shop? I'm going to tell you a story that has been eating at me for a while. It may sound crazy, but I want you to just believe me. No matter how weird you think it is. Okay?" He asked. "Sure," I said. "What is it about?" I asked. "It began when on a Monday evening, I went home from work. I was super tired and I just couldn't be bothered. The house was always dark, so I always had a light on no matter the time. I then took off my shoes, my socks, my tie, and went to the bedroom to rest. Suddenly, the roof creaked as if something is walking on it. I thought it was just some rats and so I didn't care. It was quite an old house anyway, and so I didn't care. As I laid there, my phone rang. I pulled it out of his pocket and it was Sharon. "Hey Henry! I need you to cover for me tomorrow. I'm currently sick and I need you to do it. Alright?" she said. "Uh I can-" I was about to say that I can't when she cut me off. "Fantastic! Thank you so much Henry!" Sharon replied, immediately hanging up. She was always like that. She always had a ton of excuses to give just to skip work. Even though she said she was sick, she's probably just relaxing at home with her boyfriend or something, leaving me to cover her, and so I always do double the work. I then fell asleep. I was suddenly awoken from my sleep when I heard the wood creaking again. It sounded as if it was coming from the attic. I thought that it was rats again, until it happened again. Half asleep, I decided to investigate. So I got up, picked up a shoe, and went up into the attic. I opened the attic door, and climbed up the stairs. I then turned on the light and found that there was nothing there. It was the rats. I then turned around when I heard this voice. "Henry", a soft female voice whispered. I turned around, and saw a woman standing right in front of me. Probably just a few feet away. I was shocked and I screamed, thinking they were robbers or something. I was just about to run when I noticed that now the attic was empty, there were no stairs, no door. I panicked. I looked back and now I saw six more figures." "A woman? Six more figures?" I interrupted. "As I said, just believe me for a second. "Please do not scream. We're not going to harm you." the woman said. When I heard her voice, it had seemed so unreal. As if I was dreaming. "Who are you?" I asked. "My name is Pride. The woman to my left is called Lust, and the man to the right of me is called Wrath", the figure on the left of her responded. He was muscular, handsome, and his silky smooth baritone voice projected this sense of respect. Now I was never the religious type. I was raised in a Catholic family, but after my parents died I stopped believing. "Wait a minute, Wrath? Pride? Lust? The seven deadly sins? I must be dreaming," I said. It was so unreal. "When you first came here five days ago, we tried to stay silent. Ever since we lived here we always stayed silent. But when you came, we can't stay silent. You were always unfortunate, and you seem so.....lifeless. And we couldn't bear to see you like that. We know about work and Alana. We just....wanted to help you." Lust said. Then I asked how did she knew about work and you. And the male figure on her left said that they often checked on me because they were worried, except for one, Sloth, who stayed. "Whatever you do, please know that we are here now." she said. A really bright light then hit me and I was blinded. I couldn't see anything. I then woke up, sweating. I checked my phone. It said that it was 4.30 AM. I looked around. It was all a dream, I thought. It was just some work stress or something. Suddenly I heard a voice. "No it ain't", it said. I looked over to my left, to a chair, and I saw this figure. He was a bit chubby. He was bald. He looked a bit like old John. "I'm Gluttony." the man responded. "I'm turning crazy. I'm definitely turning crazy." I thought to myself. "No you ain't. We're all real and we're all worried about you." he responded. "The hell? You can read my mind? How?" I asked. "We're supernatural. We can do anything. Oh yeah, I forgot, I got something for you. It's in the kitchen if you want." the man said. Of course I was confused. What was in the kitchen? Maybe I am losing my mind and I was in denial. But I was curious, and so I got up and walked to the kitchen. The man walked along with me. When I got there, I saw this big plate with a fish steak and some red wine. I was flattered and he told me to eat it. "I was going to eat it, but I thought it'll be better for you to eat it. Your saving has made you famished." he said. I asked from where did he get said steak, but he said that I shouldn't worry and I should just eat it. As I was eating it, I can see from my peripheral that he's staring as if he was transfixed by the steak. Every time I looked up, he would turn his gaze, but I knew he wanted this so bad. But he was that kind to let me eat it instead. It was so good. I haven't eaten in a while because I was trying to save money. A few hours later, I went to work. As I was cataloging the items in the storage room, I heard someone come in. It was about 8 in the morning, and so it shouldn't be a customer. But I was just trying to do Sharon's work as fast as possible so I can focus on mine. Then the storage room door opened and someone asked me where Sharon was. I said that she was sick and I was covering for her. It was you. You were searching for her for something, I forgot, but at the time I wasn't confident enough." "It was a technical thing, the cash register can't detect the barcodes." "Oh right. But anyways, you then left. As you close the door, Pride showed up. "The fuck you doing man? She needs help, help her! You know about computers and stuff don't you? Help her then!". He said it with such pride. It was almost narcissistic. I said that while I do know it, I wasn't brave enough. I can't do it. You were so beautiful, and I just don't feel that you were worthy of me. He shouted at me that I am the most handsome individual on this earth and that I am worthy of you. I should get out there and help you. And then Lust showed up too, and gave me the same shouting. I collected my mind, and I got out and asked you what the problem was. And then you said-" "Yeah yeah, I said that it was nothing but you persisted. And you actually fixed it. It was wonderful." "I know. After that when I came back to the storage room I was so happy that I did that. Pride and Lust looked so happy with me finally cracking a smile. They then disappeared." "When they appeared and disappeared, did they have like a smoke or something like in the movies?" "No, they were just...there. No smoke no nothing. One second its nothing then you blink and there they were. But anyway. When I got home, Sharon called me again and asked whether or not I did her cataloging or not. I said I did and she was satisfied.
[WP] A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they're all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.	Nobody likes moving house. It's tedious, a boring chore that everybody seems to go through at least once in their life. Some celebrate the change, others loathe the change, but nobody enjoys the moving. I didn't enjoy the move either, but that doesn't surprise me. I don't enjoy much of anything. I don't dislike much either. Mostly life just passes me by. I'm a passenger in my own vehicle, always staring out of the window but never taking the wheel. Until I moved. Who knew that a few old demons, far beyond their prime and banished to the realm of superstition, could do that which the medicine could not? Ancient beings succeeding where modern practice failed. It started with Sloth. Ambivalence was old hat to me, I had known weeks to flash before my eyes as I passed through them in a daze, rarely leaving my bed even to use the bathroom. That's what got me kicked out, the reason I moved into this house. My sister finally gave up. She spent so long trying, and failing, to push me into the outside world, but I would not leave. I was a bird happy to stay in my nest. So they took away my nest and told me to learn to fly. I thought it was a side effect of the new prescription at first. I'd hear a voice telling me to move, to get up, to do something, anything. He'd stand there, berating me for being so lazy, such a waste of potential. "There is only a time to relax when you have a reason to act." I had finally snapped, I was hearing the voices, soon I'd be in a padded cell wearing a hug-jacket and sipping opiates out of a toddler's cup. Then it hit me. Well... he hit me. It's hard to tell yourself something isn't real when it breaks your nose. He started with teaching me how to truly enjoy my time doing nothing. Which is to say, he found tasks for me to do. I discovered a world I had never known existed, a world of autonomy, where I made the decision to act, not for my sister, not for my doctor, not even for Sloth. For myself. From that new world, my old world evolved. Sitting on the sofa, watching the clock tick by and dreaming of a world in which I mattered, transformed into sweet relief. Release from the satisfying aches and pains, both physical and mental, which signified a productive day. Watching television became a luxury, the time I had for it growing ever shorter, the shows I watched becoming that much more intense as I had to pick only that which I truly wanted to watch. Under Sloth I became active, but Gluttony was the first to help me channel my newfound lease on life. She gave me a cookbook on our first meeting, 'Simple Meals For The Single Man'. Simple though the meals may have been, learning to cook was not. I've lost count of the times I've failed to create a palatable dish. Countless plates have been hurled, inedible failure and all, at my critical sous chef. She was always bitter to see food go wasted by my lack of talents, and always free to inform me of my culinary sins. Time and practice make perfect though. Her criticisms slowly morphed into grudging compliments, then into showers of praise. Now I can barely cook enough to satisfy her. Envy came to me next. He pointed to the other men in the neighborhood, focusing on the perfection of their physical form. The sculpted muscles, the perfect haircuts, the whitest smiles. All of it could be mine, he would say, if I wished it so. He taught me how to take care of myself, to turn my desires into reality. I stopped wishing I was others, and became that which others wished to be. Soon I was at my peak, I had become all that I could physically be. But I was still weak in my mind. I had no confidence, no belief in my self. And then there was Pride. Pride was exactly as you would expect. He bowed to no other, he respected only those who earned his respect, and he made those who did not earn it crave it even more. He was the lion in the savannah of my home. I clashed with him often at first, he looked down on me like trash, and in my mind I was living with my sister again. I lowered my head every time. Afraid that I would anger him, that by refusing to bow before him he would spare me no shame. One day I could stand no more, he called me scum and I shook with rage, fury flowing through my soul. The fires of hell were burning in my eyes, and my blood screamed through my veins. As Sloth bloodied my nose, so I bloodied Pride's. That was the first time Wrath made herself known to me, and the first time Pride looked upon me with respect. The two of them became my closest companions for a time, they helped me become strong of soul, not just of body. To bend with force, but to never break. While Pride showed me what I should stand for, Wrath showed me how to fight for it. She beat her lessons into me, every bruise a new skill learned. Every broken bone was to be worn with pride, for she only broke me when she was beaten. I became stronger under her by learning how to use the strength I had, how to unleash my anger and channel my rage. It was never enough to merely beat an enemy, they must be taught to never again challenge my authority. Lust showed me how to love another. She was there on every first date, hiding from all but me, whispers of encouragement falling from her soft lips, caressing my ears with a sensual touch. She taught me how to take that feeling, and how to share it with another, to revel in the sensations that mere words could invoke. Reveling in the sensation of words turned into reveling in the sensations of flesh. The rolling of hips, the ghostly touch of a woman's breath in my ear, the throes of pleasure. All these, and more, became mine to experience. And when I had learned how to love the body of another, I came to understand how to love the soul of another. When Greed finally came to me years had passed. I was no longer the shell of man that I had been, I was the best I could be, I had become all that I could ever desire to be and more. So I turned him away. He had no more to offer me than that which was already within my grasp. Nobody likes moving house, but I'm glad I did. Thanks for reading if you made it this far. This is actually the first piece I've written in about five years and I did it all in one shot, so I apologise if it seems a bit inconsistent! Please feel free to leave any criticism below, and be as brutal as possible on what I can do better.	"Come on Eric, you really need to eat something. I know you don't want to, but that hunger pain in your gut isn't going to go away on its own", said Gluttony. "Nobody is judging you Eric. Besides, caring what other people think of you is fruitless. The trick is learning to love yourself the way you are", said Sloth. "You can be just as happy as the couple in this movie, Eric. When you're ready and the timing is right, you will find love too", said Lust. "Sure this house isn't the nicest place, but things will get better at work and you'll be able to live where you want to", said Greed. "Stop beating yourself up. Depression is painful but it doesn't mean you're weak. It's a long fight and you'll lose some battles, but you can win the war if you keep fighting", said Wrath. "You aren't the only one who struggling with this. Even though they have the fancy car, nice job, and big family they feel the same way sometimes. Everyone faces the darkness at some point", said Envy "You just don't understand!" said Eric, "I'm fucking cursed. Nothing takes away the pain, nothing fills the emptiness, nothing makes me feel...anything! It's like being stuck in an endless cycling void that keeps getting darker and colder and none of you bastards knows what that's like. Just shut up and leave me alone!" "We do know Eric", said Pride. "We know what it's like to be trapped, stuck in the darkness with our pain forever. That's what being a ghost is. Each of us has become that pain that plagued us in life. We want to help you, to keep you from becoming one of us. But we can't force that to happen. The first thing that you have to do is accept that this is your burden. No it isn't fair, but it's your's nonetheless." "Fine! I accept it! I'm fucking cursed, didn't you hear me?!" "Good. Now let us teach you how to deal with curses."
[WP] A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they're all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.	Nobody likes moving house. It's tedious, a boring chore that everybody seems to go through at least once in their life. Some celebrate the change, others loathe the change, but nobody enjoys the moving. I didn't enjoy the move either, but that doesn't surprise me. I don't enjoy much of anything. I don't dislike much either. Mostly life just passes me by. I'm a passenger in my own vehicle, always staring out of the window but never taking the wheel. Until I moved. Who knew that a few old demons, far beyond their prime and banished to the realm of superstition, could do that which the medicine could not? Ancient beings succeeding where modern practice failed. It started with Sloth. Ambivalence was old hat to me, I had known weeks to flash before my eyes as I passed through them in a daze, rarely leaving my bed even to use the bathroom. That's what got me kicked out, the reason I moved into this house. My sister finally gave up. She spent so long trying, and failing, to push me into the outside world, but I would not leave. I was a bird happy to stay in my nest. So they took away my nest and told me to learn to fly. I thought it was a side effect of the new prescription at first. I'd hear a voice telling me to move, to get up, to do something, anything. He'd stand there, berating me for being so lazy, such a waste of potential. "There is only a time to relax when you have a reason to act." I had finally snapped, I was hearing the voices, soon I'd be in a padded cell wearing a hug-jacket and sipping opiates out of a toddler's cup. Then it hit me. Well... he hit me. It's hard to tell yourself something isn't real when it breaks your nose. He started with teaching me how to truly enjoy my time doing nothing. Which is to say, he found tasks for me to do. I discovered a world I had never known existed, a world of autonomy, where I made the decision to act, not for my sister, not for my doctor, not even for Sloth. For myself. From that new world, my old world evolved. Sitting on the sofa, watching the clock tick by and dreaming of a world in which I mattered, transformed into sweet relief. Release from the satisfying aches and pains, both physical and mental, which signified a productive day. Watching television became a luxury, the time I had for it growing ever shorter, the shows I watched becoming that much more intense as I had to pick only that which I truly wanted to watch. Under Sloth I became active, but Gluttony was the first to help me channel my newfound lease on life. She gave me a cookbook on our first meeting, 'Simple Meals For The Single Man'. Simple though the meals may have been, learning to cook was not. I've lost count of the times I've failed to create a palatable dish. Countless plates have been hurled, inedible failure and all, at my critical sous chef. She was always bitter to see food go wasted by my lack of talents, and always free to inform me of my culinary sins. Time and practice make perfect though. Her criticisms slowly morphed into grudging compliments, then into showers of praise. Now I can barely cook enough to satisfy her. Envy came to me next. He pointed to the other men in the neighborhood, focusing on the perfection of their physical form. The sculpted muscles, the perfect haircuts, the whitest smiles. All of it could be mine, he would say, if I wished it so. He taught me how to take care of myself, to turn my desires into reality. I stopped wishing I was others, and became that which others wished to be. Soon I was at my peak, I had become all that I could physically be. But I was still weak in my mind. I had no confidence, no belief in my self. And then there was Pride. Pride was exactly as you would expect. He bowed to no other, he respected only those who earned his respect, and he made those who did not earn it crave it even more. He was the lion in the savannah of my home. I clashed with him often at first, he looked down on me like trash, and in my mind I was living with my sister again. I lowered my head every time. Afraid that I would anger him, that by refusing to bow before him he would spare me no shame. One day I could stand no more, he called me scum and I shook with rage, fury flowing through my soul. The fires of hell were burning in my eyes, and my blood screamed through my veins. As Sloth bloodied my nose, so I bloodied Pride's. That was the first time Wrath made herself known to me, and the first time Pride looked upon me with respect. The two of them became my closest companions for a time, they helped me become strong of soul, not just of body. To bend with force, but to never break. While Pride showed me what I should stand for, Wrath showed me how to fight for it. She beat her lessons into me, every bruise a new skill learned. Every broken bone was to be worn with pride, for she only broke me when she was beaten. I became stronger under her by learning how to use the strength I had, how to unleash my anger and channel my rage. It was never enough to merely beat an enemy, they must be taught to never again challenge my authority. Lust showed me how to love another. She was there on every first date, hiding from all but me, whispers of encouragement falling from her soft lips, caressing my ears with a sensual touch. She taught me how to take that feeling, and how to share it with another, to revel in the sensations that mere words could invoke. Reveling in the sensation of words turned into reveling in the sensations of flesh. The rolling of hips, the ghostly touch of a woman's breath in my ear, the throes of pleasure. All these, and more, became mine to experience. And when I had learned how to love the body of another, I came to understand how to love the soul of another. When Greed finally came to me years had passed. I was no longer the shell of man that I had been, I was the best I could be, I had become all that I could ever desire to be and more. So I turned him away. He had no more to offer me than that which was already within my grasp. Nobody likes moving house, but I'm glad I did. Thanks for reading if you made it this far. This is actually the first piece I've written in about five years and I did it all in one shot, so I apologise if it seems a bit inconsistent! Please feel free to leave any criticism below, and be as brutal as possible on what I can do better.	"Well I guess this is it," he said to himself as he opened the door to his new apartment, "welcome to the pits of hell, Jeremy. It's not like life could get much worse." Oh look fresh meat. Maybe this time the other girls won't mess this up. I mean really. How hard is it to get one little human back on his feet. Hell its not like I'm the embodiment of Pride or anything. "Hey, Page, don't you even think about it. You know what happened last time," a voice seethed at me. "It's all the more reason to help this time. It can't go that far south again. We know better this time," I tried to plead with Grace, little miss greedy pants. You see, even though we are suppose to be the "seven deadly sins" we aren't the big guys. More like one of the trial runs. So not only am I a cast away of what I could have been, I am trapped in this little building until some idiot let's us out. You would think in this day and age it would be easier but noooo. "Well if we can use him to gain power and, and," that is Lily. Well really her name is Lilith, but no one here calls her that. Lily was suppose to be Lust, but she fell short of the whole love trope when she found her power over people. So now she chases any form of power over anyone else. "Why, so he can become some big wig, have all those girls fawn over him, make lots of money, and then some chick convinces him to leave us? For what? Just so he leaves with out freeing us like that other one? I for one don't want to help anyone again," that would Erin, better known to the demon community as one of the Envy failures. "Come on! We have to do this to prove ourselves. We may not be The Seven, but we are a seven. We just need out of here. Then we won't need each other's permission any more!" It's the same story over and over for me. The first few times it was easy for me to convince them all. It's gotten harder and harder since then though. Grace doesn't want to spend her time, Sabrina doesn't want to put in the work, Erin doesn't want to loose the love and devotion, on and on. But there is one of us that going can always count on. We hear a scream in one of the rooms. It's our new friend and. Well it's Miss Wanda, resident Wrath. "No better way to let him know about us then to scare the shit out of him," she says, "plus I got sick of listening to you all bitch and complain with Page. It's the same story over and over." She looks down at Jeremy and smiles. Now something I should let you in on, our new friend can't see us, can't hear us, has no idea we are even there, unless we want him too. Miss Wanda likes to just fill a room when she introduces herself. It gets all cold and you feel very disapproved of it's all for show of course. Or, well so I think. "No! Don't touch me!" Jeremy is yelling again. "Hey! Give it back!" Well that would be number 7, Gabriella, also known as, wanna be Gluttony. Except instead of food Gabby here likes to consume money. Any kind. As we are watching Miss Wanda and Jeremy, his wallet just floats across the room, only to disappear before his eyes. Or to ours right into Gabby's mouth. "Stop it! All of you!" I make sure to let Jeremy hear my voice too this time," how are we going to get him to let us out if all your doing is scarring him?" A chair appears in the room and Erin pushes Jeremy into it. At this point we are all just a shadowy figure to him. But he can at least see us now. "Look dude," Grace says, struggling with the word dude, we are from a time long before language was a thing after all, "let's not waste any more time with this. We need you to let us out of this cage, to do that we need to help you reach your desires. So without wasting my time, what do you desire most?" He looks around at us all. By this time we are starting to actually look like people to him. "This apartment is too small for all of this," he moans as he looks around at all of us. ** A few weeks later and Jeremy has started getting use to us. Finally. He now keeps his wallet away from Gabby, but brings in a few coins for her at the end of the day. That seems to make her happy. He spends hours working with Lily after work now. They talk about his job, how to make the smart moves to get promoted. Who might be able to help him. And it seems like it is working for him. Grace and Sabrina tend to avoid him though. He's a waste of time. There is no way I'm working that much, blah blah blah. What do you expect from the greediest and laziest people around. Erin is the one I'm most proud of though. Jeremy has this guy who comes over all the time. He's the only person he talks to more then Lily. His name is Bobby. A few days ago Erin walked in on the two of them. They were asleep on the couch, and Jeremy was laying on Bobby. Miss Wanda watched Erin as she pulled blankets over them and turned the tv off. After the last guy who came through here, this was never something we thought Erin would do. Maybe the last guy just drained it all out of her. "I think you could actually do that! You would have your own power to make your own choices!" Lily has been yelling for the last few minutes about some self employment idea that Jeremy has been going on about. "I don't know, there is just some much at risk if it doesn't work out right." "But what if it does?! You have Bobby and us here for you! I mean you could be doing a lot worse with your time after all," wow, what ever this is even got Grace in to it. "Miss Wanda, what do you think? Going out on my own like this, starting an IT company on my own, what if it just doesn't work out?" "What your doing now isn't working out now. So why stay? You can go and do this, and try to do your own thing and not know what will come next or you can be a lazy, go with the flow idiot." Well then, we know where Miss Wanda stands. "Hey, Ladies," Jeremy called us all into his living room, "hey what is this thing?" "Well, you know how when you first moved in two years ago and we scared you and all?" Erin pipes up, "well so you see, like we told you then, we are kinda trapped here. We can't leave." "Unless you open that and let us go," Grace finishes. "Where would you go? What would you do?" Jeremy looked at us all. We hadn't really talked about the prison we were in since that first day. "Well we would be able to leave here, see what else is out there," this was Lily, "we have done so much for you, please, the fact that the lock has appeared means we really have helped you reach your desires! Please let us out!" Jeremy looked at the lock, it was a big cylinder stone with a smaller button on the top. It was black with white thread like blemishes on it. He looked at us all. He looked so different then he did two years ago. "But, what will I do without you all? When I moved in here I didn't think I would still be here now. Honestly if it wasn't for Miss Wanda and Erin I probably wouldn't still be here. And then Lily pushed me with work and Gabby caused me to same money. Grace and Sabrina showed me there are more important things then just working. And I have Bobby, hell we are going to get married soon and that's because of you Page. Everything I have is because of you all." Jeremy started to cry. Bobby walked in, right through me, "Jeremy, what's wrong. What the hell is that?" We all sat around and watched the two of them as Jeremy explained everything. ** It has been about five years now since Jeremy let us go, but nothing has really changed. Most everyone comes and goes a lot and Miss Wanda hasn't been back yet, but that's okay. Jeremy and Bobby have a little girl now, Megan. Now, even though we are free it we get to watch all of them. Help them. I guess it was a good thing that we didn't make it as The Seven and are just a seven.
[WP] A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they're all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.	It was a joke, really. All that sadness and guilt and all was getting way too much to handle. So I figured I would throw my last dollar away on a house I'd wanted since young, since my depression would probably end my life sooner or later. As soon as I stepped in, my first moment of joy was ruined completely. "Hey there." "OK, voice in my head and all, fuck you. You've caused me enough trouble throughout my whole life, so just fuck off and shut up," was my (probably drunken) reply. "We're not voices. We're your friends." On cue, 7 little red dudes popped out of the closet. Except they had horns. Did humans have horns? Probably not. "What the fuck?" was my only reply after 5 seconds of gaping. "We're here to get your act back together," another said promptly. Instantly, I felt a change going on. The anger, the grief; they were leaving slowly. And in its place I felt the first pangs of happiness in the last 3 months. The dinner table was filled with a luxurious meal, items I coveted from others in my possession, a cheque for an infinite amount of money appeared in my hand and doorbell rang at that precise instant. It was my crush. And a newfound courage seized me to ask her out. It was the best feeling I had ever felt in my life when she agreed. I hurried out, her chasing after me in youthful exuberance as I approached my car. But as I was about to get in, I heard a voice speak gravely behind me. The only demon that had not budged from my arrival. "Go back." "Why dude? We're gonna go get some dinner, then maybe a...romantic movie!" I snapped my fingers as I prepared to open the door. "GO. BACK." The tone...scared me. At the same instant, my new girlfriend's face suddenly paled, as she staggered back towards the house. "I'm not feeling too well," she said, as I hurried to bring her back. As I was about to give Sloth a death glare, he said, without a hint of a smile on his face, "You'll thank me for that soon." _________________________________________________________________ Chinese takeout wasn't the romanticism I was looking for, but it sufficed for a first date. As I lounged around, watching my girlfriend devour her food, a new flash came in. The news reporters face looked just as grave, if not graver than Sloth's. "We have just received news that a terror attack has taken place at Outback Steakhouse. Before the police force could intervene, the terrorists set off a bomb within the restaurant, killing everyone inside. No survivors have been found yet." I was just about to drive to Outback. The reporter droned on in the background as I stared, horrified at the screen. But right in my line of vision, Sloth waved, then whispered, "I told you so." _________________________________________________________________ If you liked that, check out r/Whale62! Enjoy :)	"WAAAAKE UPPPPP!" I leap out of the bed, shocked out of my sleep. I am suddenly on my feet at the side of my bed and I have no idea why. I look to my right and see the explanation. "You fucking demon! I hate you!" I spit at the thing in the doorway. He has taken the form of a man today, some kind of trainer with an Adidas jumpsuit. Not liking the look of his attire, I ignore him and crawl back into bed. "Fucking lazy sloth fucker..." I mutter to myself, grabbing the covers and pulling them over my head. "No." The covers are ripped away from me and I stare up at the ceiling. Why did I decide to stay here in this mad house? "We're going for a walk." I exhale and look at him. He is standing there with his hands on his hips and tapping his foot. "Will you not leave me alone?" I ask him. "None of us will, we've turned you into our pet project," he assures me. I sigh again. My life is full of sighing. "What have I done to- "Stop complaining and get up!" he says casually, throwing clothes at my face. "Once we're done with the walk we will clean this shit hole up too." I drag myself up into a sitting position and look around my room. It is a mess no doubt. Pulling on the socks and shorts, I stand up and motivate myself. Who knew demons could actually help people? And who knew demons would be my only friends in this living hell hole people call Earth?
[WP] A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they're all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.	"Here try this suit, big guy. It would look great on you," said Pride one of my 8 demons. Yes, I live in a house with 8 demons... who are trying to help my depressed ass conquer the world. Ha! Ha! Ha! It really is a riot, I'm sure. I've somehow drifted into an anime weird as hell but uplifting at the same time. It's good to hear a friends laugh again. It's been a while. Depression takes much from you but it does leave you with perspective an appreciation for how wonderful the world is, a gratefulness for those who fill your life with their light. "I'm sure it would. Thanks for all the help, Pride. You have such an eye for these things," I say as merrily as I can. I try to keep the weariness out of my voice. I yawn. "Sleepy?" winks Lust. "Carol tired you out." "Nothing happened," I grinned back. "No thing happenings. Things are sad, then." That made me grin. "Change, now. Stop distracting him, Lust! groaned Pride. Lust threw a summoned banana at him boinking his nose. Pride howled. Those two always fought. Despite this they were my favorites. They had a lust for living, such a pride in living I wish I could scoop up in both arms. "Okay, okay," I said, grabbed the suit and scooted up the stairs. The Sins worked so hard to make me feel less sad. "Thank you," I whispered soft as a flower drawing together it' petals for the night. I reach my room, on the first floor. Well it wasn't really my room. I've been house-sitting the padt three months. I thought a change of scenery would help with the tiredness. It hadn't but I had met the Sins. Friends were always worthwhile. If you can, appreciate them more. I open the door, shut it and then collapsed on the bed exhausted. "Tonight?" asked Acceptance. "Tonight," I answer back. It's just too bad that sadness isn't my problem. Life's beautiful but it wearies me. I can see it's happiness, it's worth, it's joy. I just can't touch it. I trudge through the days. "I will explain it to them." Silence fills the room. I wait a second in its stillness, thinking. I have one last favor to ask. "I don't want them to be sad for me, or to love or live life any less. Life's beautiful. If it's beauty can touch you, embrace it." She nods and I close my eyes in relief, then put on a great, big smile, and the suit and go out again.	"WAAAAKE UPPPPP!" I leap out of the bed, shocked out of my sleep. I am suddenly on my feet at the side of my bed and I have no idea why. I look to my right and see the explanation. "You fucking demon! I hate you!" I spit at the thing in the doorway. He has taken the form of a man today, some kind of trainer with an Adidas jumpsuit. Not liking the look of his attire, I ignore him and crawl back into bed. "Fucking lazy sloth fucker..." I mutter to myself, grabbing the covers and pulling them over my head. "No." The covers are ripped away from me and I stare up at the ceiling. Why did I decide to stay here in this mad house? "We're going for a walk." I exhale and look at him. He is standing there with his hands on his hips and tapping his foot. "Will you not leave me alone?" I ask him. "None of us will, we've turned you into our pet project," he assures me. I sigh again. My life is full of sighing. "What have I done to- "Stop complaining and get up!" he says casually, throwing clothes at my face. "Once we're done with the walk we will clean this shit hole up too." I drag myself up into a sitting position and look around my room. It is a mess no doubt. Pulling on the socks and shorts, I stand up and motivate myself. Who knew demons could actually help people? And who knew demons would be my only friends in this living hell hole people call Earth?
[WP] A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they're all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.	Nobody likes moving house. It's tedious, a boring chore that everybody seems to go through at least once in their life. Some celebrate the change, others loathe the change, but nobody enjoys the moving. I didn't enjoy the move either, but that doesn't surprise me. I don't enjoy much of anything. I don't dislike much either. Mostly life just passes me by. I'm a passenger in my own vehicle, always staring out of the window but never taking the wheel. Until I moved. Who knew that a few old demons, far beyond their prime and banished to the realm of superstition, could do that which the medicine could not? Ancient beings succeeding where modern practice failed. It started with Sloth. Ambivalence was old hat to me, I had known weeks to flash before my eyes as I passed through them in a daze, rarely leaving my bed even to use the bathroom. That's what got me kicked out, the reason I moved into this house. My sister finally gave up. She spent so long trying, and failing, to push me into the outside world, but I would not leave. I was a bird happy to stay in my nest. So they took away my nest and told me to learn to fly. I thought it was a side effect of the new prescription at first. I'd hear a voice telling me to move, to get up, to do something, anything. He'd stand there, berating me for being so lazy, such a waste of potential. "There is only a time to relax when you have a reason to act." I had finally snapped, I was hearing the voices, soon I'd be in a padded cell wearing a hug-jacket and sipping opiates out of a toddler's cup. Then it hit me. Well... he hit me. It's hard to tell yourself something isn't real when it breaks your nose. He started with teaching me how to truly enjoy my time doing nothing. Which is to say, he found tasks for me to do. I discovered a world I had never known existed, a world of autonomy, where I made the decision to act, not for my sister, not for my doctor, not even for Sloth. For myself. From that new world, my old world evolved. Sitting on the sofa, watching the clock tick by and dreaming of a world in which I mattered, transformed into sweet relief. Release from the satisfying aches and pains, both physical and mental, which signified a productive day. Watching television became a luxury, the time I had for it growing ever shorter, the shows I watched becoming that much more intense as I had to pick only that which I truly wanted to watch. Under Sloth I became active, but Gluttony was the first to help me channel my newfound lease on life. She gave me a cookbook on our first meeting, 'Simple Meals For The Single Man'. Simple though the meals may have been, learning to cook was not. I've lost count of the times I've failed to create a palatable dish. Countless plates have been hurled, inedible failure and all, at my critical sous chef. She was always bitter to see food go wasted by my lack of talents, and always free to inform me of my culinary sins. Time and practice make perfect though. Her criticisms slowly morphed into grudging compliments, then into showers of praise. Now I can barely cook enough to satisfy her. Envy came to me next. He pointed to the other men in the neighborhood, focusing on the perfection of their physical form. The sculpted muscles, the perfect haircuts, the whitest smiles. All of it could be mine, he would say, if I wished it so. He taught me how to take care of myself, to turn my desires into reality. I stopped wishing I was others, and became that which others wished to be. Soon I was at my peak, I had become all that I could physically be. But I was still weak in my mind. I had no confidence, no belief in my self. And then there was Pride. Pride was exactly as you would expect. He bowed to no other, he respected only those who earned his respect, and he made those who did not earn it crave it even more. He was the lion in the savannah of my home. I clashed with him often at first, he looked down on me like trash, and in my mind I was living with my sister again. I lowered my head every time. Afraid that I would anger him, that by refusing to bow before him he would spare me no shame. One day I could stand no more, he called me scum and I shook with rage, fury flowing through my soul. The fires of hell were burning in my eyes, and my blood screamed through my veins. As Sloth bloodied my nose, so I bloodied Pride's. That was the first time Wrath made herself known to me, and the first time Pride looked upon me with respect. The two of them became my closest companions for a time, they helped me become strong of soul, not just of body. To bend with force, but to never break. While Pride showed me what I should stand for, Wrath showed me how to fight for it. She beat her lessons into me, every bruise a new skill learned. Every broken bone was to be worn with pride, for she only broke me when she was beaten. I became stronger under her by learning how to use the strength I had, how to unleash my anger and channel my rage. It was never enough to merely beat an enemy, they must be taught to never again challenge my authority. Lust showed me how to love another. She was there on every first date, hiding from all but me, whispers of encouragement falling from her soft lips, caressing my ears with a sensual touch. She taught me how to take that feeling, and how to share it with another, to revel in the sensations that mere words could invoke. Reveling in the sensation of words turned into reveling in the sensations of flesh. The rolling of hips, the ghostly touch of a woman's breath in my ear, the throes of pleasure. All these, and more, became mine to experience. And when I had learned how to love the body of another, I came to understand how to love the soul of another. When Greed finally came to me years had passed. I was no longer the shell of man that I had been, I was the best I could be, I had become all that I could ever desire to be and more. So I turned him away. He had no more to offer me than that which was already within my grasp. Nobody likes moving house, but I'm glad I did. Thanks for reading if you made it this far. This is actually the first piece I've written in about five years and I did it all in one shot, so I apologise if it seems a bit inconsistent! Please feel free to leave any criticism below, and be as brutal as possible on what I can do better.	"WAAAAKE UPPPPP!" I leap out of the bed, shocked out of my sleep. I am suddenly on my feet at the side of my bed and I have no idea why. I look to my right and see the explanation. "You fucking demon! I hate you!" I spit at the thing in the doorway. He has taken the form of a man today, some kind of trainer with an Adidas jumpsuit. Not liking the look of his attire, I ignore him and crawl back into bed. "Fucking lazy sloth fucker..." I mutter to myself, grabbing the covers and pulling them over my head. "No." The covers are ripped away from me and I stare up at the ceiling. Why did I decide to stay here in this mad house? "We're going for a walk." I exhale and look at him. He is standing there with his hands on his hips and tapping his foot. "Will you not leave me alone?" I ask him. "None of us will, we've turned you into our pet project," he assures me. I sigh again. My life is full of sighing. "What have I done to- "Stop complaining and get up!" he says casually, throwing clothes at my face. "Once we're done with the walk we will clean this shit hole up too." I drag myself up into a sitting position and look around my room. It is a mess no doubt. Pulling on the socks and shorts, I stand up and motivate myself. Who knew demons could actually help people? And who knew demons would be my only friends in this living hell hole people call Earth?
[WP] A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they're all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.	"Alright, get in the car." "Where are we going?" "One last thing, kid." "Oh, it's alright. You guys have done so much for me already. I don't want to impose..." "Look, I get it. You're happy. You're looking good, taking what you want, who you want, and you're doing it at your own pace. Life's good, and you're ready to get back out there. But I see it in your eyes. That little thread of fear. You and I both know there's someone out there who can tug on it and unravel all the work my brother's and sisters put in getting you back on your feet. That bitch is out there with your brother, and both of them would be perfectly happy rubbing it in your face. Again. See? Just mentioning them has you shaking. So who about this? Instead of picturing them with their hands all over each other, grinning from ear to ear while they look over their shoulders laughing at you; picture them in the woods. On their knees. Begging you for mercy. Picture the look that flashes across their faces when they realize you don't have any left for them. When they see the shovel. Now open your eyes, stop smiling like an idiot, and get in the fucking car."	"WAAAAKE UPPPPP!" I leap out of the bed, shocked out of my sleep. I am suddenly on my feet at the side of my bed and I have no idea why. I look to my right and see the explanation. "You fucking demon! I hate you!" I spit at the thing in the doorway. He has taken the form of a man today, some kind of trainer with an Adidas jumpsuit. Not liking the look of his attire, I ignore him and crawl back into bed. "Fucking lazy sloth fucker..." I mutter to myself, grabbing the covers and pulling them over my head. "No." The covers are ripped away from me and I stare up at the ceiling. Why did I decide to stay here in this mad house? "We're going for a walk." I exhale and look at him. He is standing there with his hands on his hips and tapping his foot. "Will you not leave me alone?" I ask him. "None of us will, we've turned you into our pet project," he assures me. I sigh again. My life is full of sighing. "What have I done to- "Stop complaining and get up!" he says casually, throwing clothes at my face. "Once we're done with the walk we will clean this shit hole up too." I drag myself up into a sitting position and look around my room. It is a mess no doubt. Pulling on the socks and shorts, I stand up and motivate myself. Who knew demons could actually help people? And who knew demons would be my only friends in this living hell hole people call Earth?
[WP] A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they're all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.	"Look, the next time she texts - just don't reply immediately. You'll come off as desperate" Lust said Eric stared at his phone. Stared at the message he'd fired off, glared at the "sent" symbol, and winced at how long it had been since he had sent it. 30 minutes. "Double Text her. Show to her you don't give a FUCK. Look dude you know she wants it, otherwise why else would she be texting you at all?" Pride said. Eric looked at Pride and considered what he said for a moment. "She's probably just busy" Envy said, shrugging. "Out of all the guys at the party, you're the only one who got her number. They probably hate you, oh wait I made sure they did lol" "Yeaaaaah dude, I was wing-manning you the whole night" Sloth said laying on the floor, not opening his eyes. "Not a single dude came close, I made sure of it ha." Eric sighed. They were right, he was worrying over nothing. BAM "WE'LL KILL THAT BITCH IF SHE DOESN'T SAY YES TO THE DATE" Wrath said entering the room and shotgunning a beer. On the new rug. "Wrath man, you needa chill and smoke a bowl" Sloth said, unfazed by Wrath's outburst. "THE HELL WITH THAT, WHERE'S MY COKE?" Wrath replied, looking around the room "I flushed it down the toilet" Lust said "YOU FLUSHED A KILO!?!?" said Wrath A whole Kilo. Fuck. Eric thought "You really didn't need it!" Envy chimed in. "Motherf- WE. ARE. THE. 7. DEADLY. SINS! Last I checked we weren't THE FUCKING GIRL SCOUTS!" Wrath yelled "Look around Wrath" Pride said "I really don't see why we need to be DEADLY right now, or why you need coke so badly, you're doing just fine without it" "Screw this man" Wrath said, leaving the room. "I'm gonna make my OWN 7 DEADLY SINS! With Blackjack! and Hookers!" "I was beginning to think he'd never leave" Gluttony said, walking in with a pizza. "You want a slice Eric?" "Nah I'm good. Thanks though." said Eric. "I was ju-" Ding. Everyone's heads turned to the phone. A text from the girl. Eric's sweaty palms opened the text. >Friday at 7pm? I'm down, I've always wanted to go watch the sunset at Crystal Lake The room cheered. Eric got the date! Lust hugged Eric and squealed. "I HAVE THE PERFECT OUTFIT FOR YOU" Pride clapped him on the back. "We're going with you of course, to make sure it goes smoothly" Gluttony chimed in: "I'll make you two a picnic basket, it'll be straight fire man" Eric looked around at everyone and, for once, didn't feel as sad anymore. I mean, what could possibly go wrong on Friday the 13th?	"WAAAAKE UPPPPP!" I leap out of the bed, shocked out of my sleep. I am suddenly on my feet at the side of my bed and I have no idea why. I look to my right and see the explanation. "You fucking demon! I hate you!" I spit at the thing in the doorway. He has taken the form of a man today, some kind of trainer with an Adidas jumpsuit. Not liking the look of his attire, I ignore him and crawl back into bed. "Fucking lazy sloth fucker..." I mutter to myself, grabbing the covers and pulling them over my head. "No." The covers are ripped away from me and I stare up at the ceiling. Why did I decide to stay here in this mad house? "We're going for a walk." I exhale and look at him. He is standing there with his hands on his hips and tapping his foot. "Will you not leave me alone?" I ask him. "None of us will, we've turned you into our pet project," he assures me. I sigh again. My life is full of sighing. "What have I done to- "Stop complaining and get up!" he says casually, throwing clothes at my face. "Once we're done with the walk we will clean this shit hole up too." I drag myself up into a sitting position and look around my room. It is a mess no doubt. Pulling on the socks and shorts, I stand up and motivate myself. Who knew demons could actually help people? And who knew demons would be my only friends in this living hell hole people call Earth?
[WP] A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they're all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.	Nobody likes moving house. It's tedious, a boring chore that everybody seems to go through at least once in their life. Some celebrate the change, others loathe the change, but nobody enjoys the moving. I didn't enjoy the move either, but that doesn't surprise me. I don't enjoy much of anything. I don't dislike much either. Mostly life just passes me by. I'm a passenger in my own vehicle, always staring out of the window but never taking the wheel. Until I moved. Who knew that a few old demons, far beyond their prime and banished to the realm of superstition, could do that which the medicine could not? Ancient beings succeeding where modern practice failed. It started with Sloth. Ambivalence was old hat to me, I had known weeks to flash before my eyes as I passed through them in a daze, rarely leaving my bed even to use the bathroom. That's what got me kicked out, the reason I moved into this house. My sister finally gave up. She spent so long trying, and failing, to push me into the outside world, but I would not leave. I was a bird happy to stay in my nest. So they took away my nest and told me to learn to fly. I thought it was a side effect of the new prescription at first. I'd hear a voice telling me to move, to get up, to do something, anything. He'd stand there, berating me for being so lazy, such a waste of potential. "There is only a time to relax when you have a reason to act." I had finally snapped, I was hearing the voices, soon I'd be in a padded cell wearing a hug-jacket and sipping opiates out of a toddler's cup. Then it hit me. Well... he hit me. It's hard to tell yourself something isn't real when it breaks your nose. He started with teaching me how to truly enjoy my time doing nothing. Which is to say, he found tasks for me to do. I discovered a world I had never known existed, a world of autonomy, where I made the decision to act, not for my sister, not for my doctor, not even for Sloth. For myself. From that new world, my old world evolved. Sitting on the sofa, watching the clock tick by and dreaming of a world in which I mattered, transformed into sweet relief. Release from the satisfying aches and pains, both physical and mental, which signified a productive day. Watching television became a luxury, the time I had for it growing ever shorter, the shows I watched becoming that much more intense as I had to pick only that which I truly wanted to watch. Under Sloth I became active, but Gluttony was the first to help me channel my newfound lease on life. She gave me a cookbook on our first meeting, 'Simple Meals For The Single Man'. Simple though the meals may have been, learning to cook was not. I've lost count of the times I've failed to create a palatable dish. Countless plates have been hurled, inedible failure and all, at my critical sous chef. She was always bitter to see food go wasted by my lack of talents, and always free to inform me of my culinary sins. Time and practice make perfect though. Her criticisms slowly morphed into grudging compliments, then into showers of praise. Now I can barely cook enough to satisfy her. Envy came to me next. He pointed to the other men in the neighborhood, focusing on the perfection of their physical form. The sculpted muscles, the perfect haircuts, the whitest smiles. All of it could be mine, he would say, if I wished it so. He taught me how to take care of myself, to turn my desires into reality. I stopped wishing I was others, and became that which others wished to be. Soon I was at my peak, I had become all that I could physically be. But I was still weak in my mind. I had no confidence, no belief in my self. And then there was Pride. Pride was exactly as you would expect. He bowed to no other, he respected only those who earned his respect, and he made those who did not earn it crave it even more. He was the lion in the savannah of my home. I clashed with him often at first, he looked down on me like trash, and in my mind I was living with my sister again. I lowered my head every time. Afraid that I would anger him, that by refusing to bow before him he would spare me no shame. One day I could stand no more, he called me scum and I shook with rage, fury flowing through my soul. The fires of hell were burning in my eyes, and my blood screamed through my veins. As Sloth bloodied my nose, so I bloodied Pride's. That was the first time Wrath made herself known to me, and the first time Pride looked upon me with respect. The two of them became my closest companions for a time, they helped me become strong of soul, not just of body. To bend with force, but to never break. While Pride showed me what I should stand for, Wrath showed me how to fight for it. She beat her lessons into me, every bruise a new skill learned. Every broken bone was to be worn with pride, for she only broke me when she was beaten. I became stronger under her by learning how to use the strength I had, how to unleash my anger and channel my rage. It was never enough to merely beat an enemy, they must be taught to never again challenge my authority. Lust showed me how to love another. She was there on every first date, hiding from all but me, whispers of encouragement falling from her soft lips, caressing my ears with a sensual touch. She taught me how to take that feeling, and how to share it with another, to revel in the sensations that mere words could invoke. Reveling in the sensation of words turned into reveling in the sensations of flesh. The rolling of hips, the ghostly touch of a woman's breath in my ear, the throes of pleasure. All these, and more, became mine to experience. And when I had learned how to love the body of another, I came to understand how to love the soul of another. When Greed finally came to me years had passed. I was no longer the shell of man that I had been, I was the best I could be, I had become all that I could ever desire to be and more. So I turned him away. He had no more to offer me than that which was already within my grasp. Nobody likes moving house, but I'm glad I did. Thanks for reading if you made it this far. This is actually the first piece I've written in about five years and I did it all in one shot, so I apologise if it seems a bit inconsistent! Please feel free to leave any criticism below, and be as brutal as possible on what I can do better.	It was a joke, really. All that sadness and guilt and all was getting way too much to handle. So I figured I would throw my last dollar away on a house I'd wanted since young, since my depression would probably end my life sooner or later. As soon as I stepped in, my first moment of joy was ruined completely. "Hey there." "OK, voice in my head and all, fuck you. You've caused me enough trouble throughout my whole life, so just fuck off and shut up," was my (probably drunken) reply. "We're not voices. We're your friends." On cue, 7 little red dudes popped out of the closet. Except they had horns. Did humans have horns? Probably not. "What the fuck?" was my only reply after 5 seconds of gaping. "We're here to get your act back together," another said promptly. Instantly, I felt a change going on. The anger, the grief; they were leaving slowly. And in its place I felt the first pangs of happiness in the last 3 months. The dinner table was filled with a luxurious meal, items I coveted from others in my possession, a cheque for an infinite amount of money appeared in my hand and doorbell rang at that precise instant. It was my crush. And a newfound courage seized me to ask her out. It was the best feeling I had ever felt in my life when she agreed. I hurried out, her chasing after me in youthful exuberance as I approached my car. But as I was about to get in, I heard a voice speak gravely behind me. The only demon that had not budged from my arrival. "Go back." "Why dude? We're gonna go get some dinner, then maybe a...romantic movie!" I snapped my fingers as I prepared to open the door. "GO. BACK." The tone...scared me. At the same instant, my new girlfriend's face suddenly paled, as she staggered back towards the house. "I'm not feeling too well," she said, as I hurried to bring her back. As I was about to give Sloth a death glare, he said, without a hint of a smile on his face, "You'll thank me for that soon." _________________________________________________________________ Chinese takeout wasn't the romanticism I was looking for, but it sufficed for a first date. As I lounged around, watching my girlfriend devour her food, a new flash came in. The news reporters face looked just as grave, if not graver than Sloth's. "We have just received news that a terror attack has taken place at Outback Steakhouse. Before the police force could intervene, the terrorists set off a bomb within the restaurant, killing everyone inside. No survivors have been found yet." I was just about to drive to Outback. The reporter droned on in the background as I stared, horrified at the screen. But right in my line of vision, Sloth waved, then whispered, "I told you so." _________________________________________________________________ If you liked that, check out r/Whale62! Enjoy :)
[WP] A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they're all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.	Nobody likes moving house. It's tedious, a boring chore that everybody seems to go through at least once in their life. Some celebrate the change, others loathe the change, but nobody enjoys the moving. I didn't enjoy the move either, but that doesn't surprise me. I don't enjoy much of anything. I don't dislike much either. Mostly life just passes me by. I'm a passenger in my own vehicle, always staring out of the window but never taking the wheel. Until I moved. Who knew that a few old demons, far beyond their prime and banished to the realm of superstition, could do that which the medicine could not? Ancient beings succeeding where modern practice failed. It started with Sloth. Ambivalence was old hat to me, I had known weeks to flash before my eyes as I passed through them in a daze, rarely leaving my bed even to use the bathroom. That's what got me kicked out, the reason I moved into this house. My sister finally gave up. She spent so long trying, and failing, to push me into the outside world, but I would not leave. I was a bird happy to stay in my nest. So they took away my nest and told me to learn to fly. I thought it was a side effect of the new prescription at first. I'd hear a voice telling me to move, to get up, to do something, anything. He'd stand there, berating me for being so lazy, such a waste of potential. "There is only a time to relax when you have a reason to act." I had finally snapped, I was hearing the voices, soon I'd be in a padded cell wearing a hug-jacket and sipping opiates out of a toddler's cup. Then it hit me. Well... he hit me. It's hard to tell yourself something isn't real when it breaks your nose. He started with teaching me how to truly enjoy my time doing nothing. Which is to say, he found tasks for me to do. I discovered a world I had never known existed, a world of autonomy, where I made the decision to act, not for my sister, not for my doctor, not even for Sloth. For myself. From that new world, my old world evolved. Sitting on the sofa, watching the clock tick by and dreaming of a world in which I mattered, transformed into sweet relief. Release from the satisfying aches and pains, both physical and mental, which signified a productive day. Watching television became a luxury, the time I had for it growing ever shorter, the shows I watched becoming that much more intense as I had to pick only that which I truly wanted to watch. Under Sloth I became active, but Gluttony was the first to help me channel my newfound lease on life. She gave me a cookbook on our first meeting, 'Simple Meals For The Single Man'. Simple though the meals may have been, learning to cook was not. I've lost count of the times I've failed to create a palatable dish. Countless plates have been hurled, inedible failure and all, at my critical sous chef. She was always bitter to see food go wasted by my lack of talents, and always free to inform me of my culinary sins. Time and practice make perfect though. Her criticisms slowly morphed into grudging compliments, then into showers of praise. Now I can barely cook enough to satisfy her. Envy came to me next. He pointed to the other men in the neighborhood, focusing on the perfection of their physical form. The sculpted muscles, the perfect haircuts, the whitest smiles. All of it could be mine, he would say, if I wished it so. He taught me how to take care of myself, to turn my desires into reality. I stopped wishing I was others, and became that which others wished to be. Soon I was at my peak, I had become all that I could physically be. But I was still weak in my mind. I had no confidence, no belief in my self. And then there was Pride. Pride was exactly as you would expect. He bowed to no other, he respected only those who earned his respect, and he made those who did not earn it crave it even more. He was the lion in the savannah of my home. I clashed with him often at first, he looked down on me like trash, and in my mind I was living with my sister again. I lowered my head every time. Afraid that I would anger him, that by refusing to bow before him he would spare me no shame. One day I could stand no more, he called me scum and I shook with rage, fury flowing through my soul. The fires of hell were burning in my eyes, and my blood screamed through my veins. As Sloth bloodied my nose, so I bloodied Pride's. That was the first time Wrath made herself known to me, and the first time Pride looked upon me with respect. The two of them became my closest companions for a time, they helped me become strong of soul, not just of body. To bend with force, but to never break. While Pride showed me what I should stand for, Wrath showed me how to fight for it. She beat her lessons into me, every bruise a new skill learned. Every broken bone was to be worn with pride, for she only broke me when she was beaten. I became stronger under her by learning how to use the strength I had, how to unleash my anger and channel my rage. It was never enough to merely beat an enemy, they must be taught to never again challenge my authority. Lust showed me how to love another. She was there on every first date, hiding from all but me, whispers of encouragement falling from her soft lips, caressing my ears with a sensual touch. She taught me how to take that feeling, and how to share it with another, to revel in the sensations that mere words could invoke. Reveling in the sensation of words turned into reveling in the sensations of flesh. The rolling of hips, the ghostly touch of a woman's breath in my ear, the throes of pleasure. All these, and more, became mine to experience. And when I had learned how to love the body of another, I came to understand how to love the soul of another. When Greed finally came to me years had passed. I was no longer the shell of man that I had been, I was the best I could be, I had become all that I could ever desire to be and more. So I turned him away. He had no more to offer me than that which was already within my grasp. Nobody likes moving house, but I'm glad I did. Thanks for reading if you made it this far. This is actually the first piece I've written in about five years and I did it all in one shot, so I apologise if it seems a bit inconsistent! Please feel free to leave any criticism below, and be as brutal as possible on what I can do better.	"Here try this suit, big guy. It would look great on you," said Pride one of my 8 demons. Yes, I live in a house with 8 demons... who are trying to help my depressed ass conquer the world. Ha! Ha! Ha! It really is a riot, I'm sure. I've somehow drifted into an anime weird as hell but uplifting at the same time. It's good to hear a friends laugh again. It's been a while. Depression takes much from you but it does leave you with perspective an appreciation for how wonderful the world is, a gratefulness for those who fill your life with their light. "I'm sure it would. Thanks for all the help, Pride. You have such an eye for these things," I say as merrily as I can. I try to keep the weariness out of my voice. I yawn. "Sleepy?" winks Lust. "Carol tired you out." "Nothing happened," I grinned back. "No thing happenings. Things are sad, then." That made me grin. "Change, now. Stop distracting him, Lust! groaned Pride. Lust threw a summoned banana at him boinking his nose. Pride howled. Those two always fought. Despite this they were my favorites. They had a lust for living, such a pride in living I wish I could scoop up in both arms. "Okay, okay," I said, grabbed the suit and scooted up the stairs. The Sins worked so hard to make me feel less sad. "Thank you," I whispered soft as a flower drawing together it' petals for the night. I reach my room, on the first floor. Well it wasn't really my room. I've been house-sitting the padt three months. I thought a change of scenery would help with the tiredness. It hadn't but I had met the Sins. Friends were always worthwhile. If you can, appreciate them more. I open the door, shut it and then collapsed on the bed exhausted. "Tonight?" asked Acceptance. "Tonight," I answer back. It's just too bad that sadness isn't my problem. Life's beautiful but it wearies me. I can see it's happiness, it's worth, it's joy. I just can't touch it. I trudge through the days. "I will explain it to them." Silence fills the room. I wait a second in its stillness, thinking. I have one last favor to ask. "I don't want them to be sad for me, or to love or live life any less. Life's beautiful. If it's beauty can touch you, embrace it." She nods and I close my eyes in relief, then put on a great, big smile, and the suit and go out again.
[WP] A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they're all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.	"Alright, get in the car." "Where are we going?" "One last thing, kid." "Oh, it's alright. You guys have done so much for me already. I don't want to impose..." "Look, I get it. You're happy. You're looking good, taking what you want, who you want, and you're doing it at your own pace. Life's good, and you're ready to get back out there. But I see it in your eyes. That little thread of fear. You and I both know there's someone out there who can tug on it and unravel all the work my brother's and sisters put in getting you back on your feet. That bitch is out there with your brother, and both of them would be perfectly happy rubbing it in your face. Again. See? Just mentioning them has you shaking. So who about this? Instead of picturing them with their hands all over each other, grinning from ear to ear while they look over their shoulders laughing at you; picture them in the woods. On their knees. Begging you for mercy. Picture the look that flashes across their faces when they realize you don't have any left for them. When they see the shovel. Now open your eyes, stop smiling like an idiot, and get in the fucking car."	"Here try this suit, big guy. It would look great on you," said Pride one of my 8 demons. Yes, I live in a house with 8 demons... who are trying to help my depressed ass conquer the world. Ha! Ha! Ha! It really is a riot, I'm sure. I've somehow drifted into an anime weird as hell but uplifting at the same time. It's good to hear a friends laugh again. It's been a while. Depression takes much from you but it does leave you with perspective an appreciation for how wonderful the world is, a gratefulness for those who fill your life with their light. "I'm sure it would. Thanks for all the help, Pride. You have such an eye for these things," I say as merrily as I can. I try to keep the weariness out of my voice. I yawn. "Sleepy?" winks Lust. "Carol tired you out." "Nothing happened," I grinned back. "No thing happenings. Things are sad, then." That made me grin. "Change, now. Stop distracting him, Lust! groaned Pride. Lust threw a summoned banana at him boinking his nose. Pride howled. Those two always fought. Despite this they were my favorites. They had a lust for living, such a pride in living I wish I could scoop up in both arms. "Okay, okay," I said, grabbed the suit and scooted up the stairs. The Sins worked so hard to make me feel less sad. "Thank you," I whispered soft as a flower drawing together it' petals for the night. I reach my room, on the first floor. Well it wasn't really my room. I've been house-sitting the padt three months. I thought a change of scenery would help with the tiredness. It hadn't but I had met the Sins. Friends were always worthwhile. If you can, appreciate them more. I open the door, shut it and then collapsed on the bed exhausted. "Tonight?" asked Acceptance. "Tonight," I answer back. It's just too bad that sadness isn't my problem. Life's beautiful but it wearies me. I can see it's happiness, it's worth, it's joy. I just can't touch it. I trudge through the days. "I will explain it to them." Silence fills the room. I wait a second in its stillness, thinking. I have one last favor to ask. "I don't want them to be sad for me, or to love or live life any less. Life's beautiful. If it's beauty can touch you, embrace it." She nods and I close my eyes in relief, then put on a great, big smile, and the suit and go out again.
[WP] A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they're all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.	"Look, the next time she texts - just don't reply immediately. You'll come off as desperate" Lust said Eric stared at his phone. Stared at the message he'd fired off, glared at the "sent" symbol, and winced at how long it had been since he had sent it. 30 minutes. "Double Text her. Show to her you don't give a FUCK. Look dude you know she wants it, otherwise why else would she be texting you at all?" Pride said. Eric looked at Pride and considered what he said for a moment. "She's probably just busy" Envy said, shrugging. "Out of all the guys at the party, you're the only one who got her number. They probably hate you, oh wait I made sure they did lol" "Yeaaaaah dude, I was wing-manning you the whole night" Sloth said laying on the floor, not opening his eyes. "Not a single dude came close, I made sure of it ha." Eric sighed. They were right, he was worrying over nothing. BAM "WE'LL KILL THAT BITCH IF SHE DOESN'T SAY YES TO THE DATE" Wrath said entering the room and shotgunning a beer. On the new rug. "Wrath man, you needa chill and smoke a bowl" Sloth said, unfazed by Wrath's outburst. "THE HELL WITH THAT, WHERE'S MY COKE?" Wrath replied, looking around the room "I flushed it down the toilet" Lust said "YOU FLUSHED A KILO!?!?" said Wrath A whole Kilo. Fuck. Eric thought "You really didn't need it!" Envy chimed in. "Motherf- WE. ARE. THE. 7. DEADLY. SINS! Last I checked we weren't THE FUCKING GIRL SCOUTS!" Wrath yelled "Look around Wrath" Pride said "I really don't see why we need to be DEADLY right now, or why you need coke so badly, you're doing just fine without it" "Screw this man" Wrath said, leaving the room. "I'm gonna make my OWN 7 DEADLY SINS! With Blackjack! and Hookers!" "I was beginning to think he'd never leave" Gluttony said, walking in with a pizza. "You want a slice Eric?" "Nah I'm good. Thanks though." said Eric. "I was ju-" Ding. Everyone's heads turned to the phone. A text from the girl. Eric's sweaty palms opened the text. >Friday at 7pm? I'm down, I've always wanted to go watch the sunset at Crystal Lake The room cheered. Eric got the date! Lust hugged Eric and squealed. "I HAVE THE PERFECT OUTFIT FOR YOU" Pride clapped him on the back. "We're going with you of course, to make sure it goes smoothly" Gluttony chimed in: "I'll make you two a picnic basket, it'll be straight fire man" Eric looked around at everyone and, for once, didn't feel as sad anymore. I mean, what could possibly go wrong on Friday the 13th?	AN: I'm Lazy. My. Apologies? .br WP - 11 Listed. He walked out the door with his friends. Magnificently beautiful creatures. Quaint in a deceiving way. Pride in a school uniform, not excessive, but with a sharpness that matched those dark, disdainful eyes. Greed. An middle aged man, dressed strangely, and with an irony one would consider to be the opposite of a greedy man. No, he was not in a suit. He was clad in various different ethnic clothes. From a Pakol on his head, to a knitted happi coat and some weird Sub-Saharan baggy pants. A hippie, or a hipster, whatever have you, he looked the part. But he was far from down to earth with his avarice. Lust. Nothing much there. Small breasts. Small lips. But the dark candy apple red lipstick, and red bra nestled ever so faintly under that almost opaque white t-shirt sparked enough for curiosity and imagination. Envy was an older lady. But beautiful in her own right. The wrinkles and age had claimed the smooth curves, which were mostly disguised in the constant moving of her mouth - with projections of evaluations as she crooned about the dearness of whatever caught her eye. Soothing. Calming. Preying on what she desired, but without the guts to ask for it. Gluttony was a petite girl munching on chips. Nothing special. If it were not that she was always eating. Sloth was something else though. Moving along on his hoverboard. The man seemed always a bit too inconvenienced to help. Ever. But that was never a glaring problem. It had been a long story how things came to be. How a depressed man arrived at a strange house, and how the metamorphosis of his life came to be. How he now walked along the New York sidewalk, with a beautiful girl named Chloe holding hands with him, and his gaggle of beautiful friends laughing, smiling, as if they were some divine entourage selected from the last supper. If it were not that, the complete and utter contrary. It all started with sloth. His inability to make anything of his life had turned him to despair. There were no surges to attempt anything save the imagination of the ending of his sad life... but sloth. Sloth gave him more despair... and from that bottom of the pit came hope. Lounging on the couch watching netflix for days made little progress, but then again, what meaning in his life was there for his 9-5, cubicle cage? Despite all his rage? Then. One night, Lust came giggling in, with a beautiful girl, she asked sloth if he would partake, to which he mused a small concession of consideration. And to his surprise accepted. He left alone. He wandered to the kitchen, at which Envy found him. With her sickly sweet, and old voice she crooned how much of a nice boy he was. She felt like an overbearing grandmother. Till he saw the glint in her eye. Which slipped like a snake into shadow. He wasn't sure if he saw it, or felt it. At which pride came in, and begged envy to make him cookies. Moments spun from one to another. In that small intimate house, till he found his thoughts occupied with each of them. Their names. Although those names would make no sense to you, and in turn speaking them would contract you to them anyways... but that he did. And slowly but surely they nurtured the lamb. Growing him. Tending him. Luring him. And slowly from that weak pit of utter despair they game him their gifts. As one doubt led to the next, one compromise to another, it seemed as if it were divine irony that these 'sins' led to his success. Pride had given him many gifts. Confidence. Together with greed they created worth. And how much worth he felt in his life, in the small things of beauty and interest he collected. His idyllic times spent in self loathing, or moments of doubt left to crawling on reddit or admiring the desk toys he had collected. Lust spurred him to pursue a woman. Pride demanded he own her. So he began dating Chloe. Envy was often ignored. Although whatever she provided, it was often fodder for greed. For him to conquer or obtain. However she taught him that Envy often fed pride, his or others. And he grew wicked with his tongue. Kissed by lust, pride, and sloth. For often it was with fewer words that spoke most brilliant in empty silences. Teasing. Haunting. Indebting curiosity to. I could tell you a lot more. But each moment, was no different than how life is from you or me. And seldom do we imagine, that virtues and sins are the faces of the same coin. That to fall we must first climb. And climb he did. Up up those basement stairs. And like I said before. Walking down the street with his strange motely crew of friends... and chloe. Oh how he loved Chloe. How beautiful she was. As he watched her burnette locks fall like dark gossamer threads. Then he saw something else. He wasn't prepared. His childhood friend was walking towards him. Deep blue eyes, and blonde hair. It was his childhood friend, Jessie. Greed nudged him, a wry smile on his face. He was also sure; for he could feel it: Lust's eyes boring into the back of his neck... They all watched in anticipation... to consume him. Something changed in his grip of Chloe's hand. And then there was wrath.
[WP] A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they're all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.	When the burglar comes a knockin, and kicks down your front door you wake up as he walks in, at night at half past four. You cower and you tremble, you call your 911. But since you have the deadly sins, your fun has just begun. You wake me up this late at night? Sloth has got your back. You flex your muscles, grab your bat, and plan out your attack. I paid good money for that TV, Greed screams in your head. Your fear forgotten, lunge at him with murderous rage instead. With just a bat, when the robber has a brand-new gun? Envy nudges you to grab it as he's overrun. You Lust for blood, you fire the gun, and he falls to the ground And Wrath steps in to fire again to make him truly downed. A heart of Pride beating warm and strongly in your chest, You grab a snack for Gluttony and head to bed to rest.	Mark had never had an easy life. His childhood was troubled, and things only seemed to get worse for him as time went on. It was as if he was cursed, doomed to endure. At the core of all his anguish was his family; his dreadful, detestable family. All of them seemed truly evil - each like the embodiment of the deadly sin they most treasured. He'd managed to run away from them, not too long ago; but far too late. The damage was done. So when he heard the news that his family suddenly passed away, he expected to feel exalted. Ecstatic. Like all the torment could finally end. Instead, he just felt hollower than he'd ever been. And yet, he was homeless, and the sole heir to the family house. It pained him go back there, but he had no choice. No one wanted to buy the house, that was for sure. So he returned to his nightmare place, feeling more trapped now than his year of being on the streets. **** The demons watched him arrive with trepidation. They were used to corrupting men, to influencing them to do the most terrible things. But this young man was already broken. He had no desires to manipulate. No ironies to exert. The young man that had moved in was the most dead living being they'd ever seen. They remembered him as a child. His family had been in the house for two generations, and while all before them had been their own kind of terrible, each having evil characteristics that they could exploit - he had none of them. But he had suffered the most because of it. The demons realised that this man's life - the entirety of it, really - had been ruined by none other than themselves. He was collateral damage. Their machinations were meant to punish the wicked, not harm the good. They'd had a crisis of identity. So now, it was time for each of them to fix it. For all of them - for the first time since their inception - this was the first time they were going to do good. Pride stared at the young man, his hollow shuffling, his blank gaze. He turned back to face the group of demons assembled around him, sighing heavily. "Well, we've right fucked this one up. Any ideas?" **** Part II coming soon(ish)
[WP] A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they're all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.	"You have to get up, buddy," Sloth said. He was laying in bed with the Guy after they had passed out binge watching Netflix. His mortal roommate failed to stir so he gave him another nudge. "C'mon man. You can't just lay in bed all day." The Guy groaned and rolled over. "Who the hell are you to tell me that," he asked. "You are named after a monkey that is so slow moss grows on it." "I don't think that is accurate, and I am Sloth. That's my nature, but it's not yours. You are my friend and this is no way to live." He planted his foot against his roommate's side and pushed him from the bed. He heard the satisfying "thud" but no movement followed. He did however hear footsteps in the hallway. "You've done it now," he said to the unmoving form on the floor. "Dammit! Are you still asleep," said the voice angrily as it kicked in the door. Anger stood in full wrath upon the entryway. "Get up," he yelled and stormed across the room. He reached down and easily lifted the Guy from the floor and stood him on his feet. The Guy still looked disinterested. Anger brought upon himself an uncharacteristic calm, "Look, it's important that you get up. Today is important to you, and I want you to do well." The calmness in Anger's voice woke the Guy and he mumbled something about "Sorry, I'm waking up." Pride stepped into the room and looked at the unkempt and disheveled Guy standing there. "This won't work. You need to take some me in yourself. Get in there and shower, and do something with your hair. I will iron your clothes." The Guy realized that his Roommates weren't going to let him go back to sleep and decided the best course was to comply to their demands. As he showered, Gluttony arrived with a breakfast platter. He was covered in the remnants of the meal with eggshells matted in his hair, and a patina of orange zest covered his nostrils like a homeless man huffing paint. Pride looked at him with disdain, but approved of the breakfast. It was surprisingly sparse and moderate for a being such as Gluttony: One egg, English muffin, turkey sausage, and a glass of fresh squeezed juice. The Guy came out from the bathroom and looked at the platter, but ignored it and attempted to lay back in the bed. He was snatched from his attempted escape to reverie by Gluttony who demanded he eat at least the egg. "Not too much, but you will need the nutrition. Eat," said Gluttony. So the Guy ate. As the Guy came down the stairs, he was met by Envy. "Good morning, handsome. I just love that outfit you are wearing. May have to pick one up myself," said Envy as they walked through the hallway. "Now remember, you are smart, handsome, and incredible capable. You've got this." The Guy just nodded and continued down the hallway. Greed came from the front door and announced to the Guy and the Roommates. "She is here. May I have a word with him?" The rest of the Roommates went into the other room as Greed stood before the Guy. "Listen. Normally I would tell you that this is a pointless endeavor. A matter of the heart which is a drain on the wallet. But sometimes," he paused. "Sometimes an investment of the heart can bring the greatest capital." He shook hands with the Guy. "Good luck." The Guy walked to the front door, and was almost going to open it when he paused. There was someone he was missing. He looked into the living room where his roommates had gathered and saw Lust peering through the window. "I've got no advice for ya," said Lust. "She's great." The rest of the Roommates looked disappointed in Lust's lack of epiphany, but the Guy waited a moment. Lust turned and offered, "Just try to control yourself, you are in it for the love, not just the lust. Good luck, kid." The Guy opened the door and greeted his date. He wore his first genuine smile in months. The Roommates would anxiously await his return. But whatever happened, they were there for him.	Mark had never had an easy life. His childhood was troubled, and things only seemed to get worse for him as time went on. It was as if he was cursed, doomed to endure. At the core of all his anguish was his family; his dreadful, detestable family. All of them seemed truly evil - each like the embodiment of the deadly sin they most treasured. He'd managed to run away from them, not too long ago; but far too late. The damage was done. So when he heard the news that his family suddenly passed away, he expected to feel exalted. Ecstatic. Like all the torment could finally end. Instead, he just felt hollower than he'd ever been. And yet, he was homeless, and the sole heir to the family house. It pained him go back there, but he had no choice. No one wanted to buy the house, that was for sure. So he returned to his nightmare place, feeling more trapped now than his year of being on the streets. **** The demons watched him arrive with trepidation. They were used to corrupting men, to influencing them to do the most terrible things. But this young man was already broken. He had no desires to manipulate. No ironies to exert. The young man that had moved in was the most dead living being they'd ever seen. They remembered him as a child. His family had been in the house for two generations, and while all before them had been their own kind of terrible, each having evil characteristics that they could exploit - he had none of them. But he had suffered the most because of it. The demons realised that this man's life - the entirety of it, really - had been ruined by none other than themselves. He was collateral damage. Their machinations were meant to punish the wicked, not harm the good. They'd had a crisis of identity. So now, it was time for each of them to fix it. For all of them - for the first time since their inception - this was the first time they were going to do good. Pride stared at the young man, his hollow shuffling, his blank gaze. He turned back to face the group of demons assembled around him, sighing heavily. "Well, we've right fucked this one up. Any ideas?" **** Part II coming soon(ish)
[WP] A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they're all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.	I couldn't believe I was doing this. "I...I don't think this was a good idea, Lisa, I-'m just going to leave," I said, and changed the gear to drive. "You will not!" Came the voice from the backseat. I sighed. "Please, Lisa, I'm just not-" "Look at me, Mark," she said. When I didn't she repeated herself, louder, "Look. At. Me," she said, deliberately enunciating each word. I couldn't argue with that, so I turned around to face the most beautiful woman in the universe - quite literally. She was wearing a dress like celebrities wore on the red carpet, and had a face that belonged on a magazine cover. Her fiery hair cascaded down all the way down her back, and her sharp green eyes were looking directly into mine. Her slender fingers wrapped around my shoulders. "Listen to me, Mark. You are good enough, you hear me. You can do this," she said, her voice carrying a subtle layer of something sensual - as it always did. I swallowed but nodded. "F-fine," I said, "I'll stay." As if on cue, the front door of the apartment opened, and Emily walked out, long legs, dark hair and dark eyes. Lisa have me an encouraging tap on the shoulder and vanished. * "hey Mark, can you do this paper work for me? Thanks!" Hendricks said before I could even look up from my computer. Sitting on my desk was a stack about a foot high - none of it supposed to be my responsibility. "Punch him, punch that guy in the face," said a voice next to my ear. I almost fell out of my seat to find a drill sergeant, wearing boots, camo pants and a tank top standing next to me. "Come on, soldier," he growled, "show that man who's boss!" "Th-that would be assault, William," I said. "That's Sergeant William to you, private!" he snapped. I was saved from responding however, when a dark skinned man in a suit appeared on my desk, casually smoking a cigar. "Wrath is a bit, xcessive Mark, but his point stands, you shouldn't let others run over you like that," he said. "et tu, Percival?" I sighed. Percival, Pride, thumped my back and smiled, "Oh come on, now, it'll do you good." I bit my lip, then nodded, almost to myself. "Hey Andrew," I called, "do this yourself!" * "Wow, so this your house, Mark?" Emily said, gaping at the mansion. I shrugged, "I..ah, inherited it." I said. Emily just nodded. "And, uh, you don't have anyone to share it with?" she asked. In a move that would make Lisa proud, I smiled and said, "Is that an offer?" Emily blushed and looked at her feet, "maybe it is." Just as she did a bell rang from the kitchen. Emily frowned, "what was that?" she asked. "The...ah, oven," I said, and as we walked over to the table set in the kitchen itself, we saw a three course meal waiting, wine, juicy steaks, salad, anything we could possibly want, on a dinky looking table. "Wow..." Emily said, her eyes wide, "you get permanent cooking duty." I mouthed a silent "thank you, Gus." as we dug into the food. *** "Sir, you want this ring?" I wasn't so sure myself, but the ladies around me didn't leave me with much choice. Evelyn with her bright blue eyes and blond hair played idly with my hair and said, "Oh come on, Mark, of course you want that ring, you want the best for Emily, don't you, nothing less than anyone else?" I nodded, though a bit hesitantly, and Giada nodded eagerly. "People are already jealous of your house, your girl, your money, Mark. Don't you want more?" she said, her dark eyes a little too wide. "Uh...yeah," I said, slightly disturbed. Greed was always a bit, well, off. I turned back to the seller. "Yes, that very ring," I said. * Sloth was, finally, no longer in my life. * If you enjoyed, check out [XcessiveWriting](https://www.reddit.com/r/XcessiveWriting/) for more of my work	Mark had never had an easy life. His childhood was troubled, and things only seemed to get worse for him as time went on. It was as if he was cursed, doomed to endure. At the core of all his anguish was his family; his dreadful, detestable family. All of them seemed truly evil - each like the embodiment of the deadly sin they most treasured. He'd managed to run away from them, not too long ago; but far too late. The damage was done. So when he heard the news that his family suddenly passed away, he expected to feel exalted. Ecstatic. Like all the torment could finally end. Instead, he just felt hollower than he'd ever been. And yet, he was homeless, and the sole heir to the family house. It pained him go back there, but he had no choice. No one wanted to buy the house, that was for sure. So he returned to his nightmare place, feeling more trapped now than his year of being on the streets. **** The demons watched him arrive with trepidation. They were used to corrupting men, to influencing them to do the most terrible things. But this young man was already broken. He had no desires to manipulate. No ironies to exert. The young man that had moved in was the most dead living being they'd ever seen. They remembered him as a child. His family had been in the house for two generations, and while all before them had been their own kind of terrible, each having evil characteristics that they could exploit - he had none of them. But he had suffered the most because of it. The demons realised that this man's life - the entirety of it, really - had been ruined by none other than themselves. He was collateral damage. Their machinations were meant to punish the wicked, not harm the good. They'd had a crisis of identity. So now, it was time for each of them to fix it. For all of them - for the first time since their inception - this was the first time they were going to do good. Pride stared at the young man, his hollow shuffling, his blank gaze. He turned back to face the group of demons assembled around him, sighing heavily. "Well, we've right fucked this one up. Any ideas?" **** Part II coming soon(ish)
[WP] A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they're all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.	When the burglar comes a knockin, and kicks down your front door you wake up as he walks in, at night at half past four. You cower and you tremble, you call your 911. But since you have the deadly sins, your fun has just begun. You wake me up this late at night? Sloth has got your back. You flex your muscles, grab your bat, and plan out your attack. I paid good money for that TV, Greed screams in your head. Your fear forgotten, lunge at him with murderous rage instead. With just a bat, when the robber has a brand-new gun? Envy nudges you to grab it as he's overrun. You Lust for blood, you fire the gun, and he falls to the ground And Wrath steps in to fire again to make him truly downed. A heart of Pride beating warm and strongly in your chest, You grab a snack for Gluttony and head to bed to rest.	The seven original demons sat around a bloody pentagram in Jerry’s basement. Candles burned at all six points of the star, providing the only light to chase away the shadows. For centuries, the Cardinal Demons had haunted this property in between spreading death and torment throughout the world. Every person who had ever lived here had ruined their lives with irreversible consequence. Then they met Jerry—a twenty-five year old balding man-child stuck in a dead end job who had already been divorced twice. Truly, there was no hell like being Jerry. “Are you fucking kidding me?” Pride growled. “Jerry just got passed up for promotion by the high school kid. What the hell are we doing?” Envy just gaped. “A high school kid? Jerry’s got a doctorate!” “Look, we gotta do something about this,” Pride exclaimed. “Why?” Sloth asked, his words slow and drawn out. “Why do we have to do any of this?” “Because we are the original sins!” Pride hissed. “And with all our power, this god damn sack of shit Jerry is still getting passed up for promotions by high schoolers. What the hell do you think that means for us?” Envy crossed her arms. “I bet the rest of the demons are laughing at us as we speak—the Seven Cardinal, look how far you’ve fallen. I bet those damnable horsemen think they can use this as a power grab.” “And take away our position?” Greed exclaimed. “Over my dead body.” Wrath shook her head. “Over Jerry’s dead body.” “Shit guys,” Pride said. “We can kill the poor bastard whenever we want. Hell, we’d be doing him a favor. But first we got to turn his life around at least!” “Perhaps the company of another girl might do the trick.” Lust licked her lips and took the form of a gorgeous blonde. “You saying you’re going to fuck him?” Sloth asked. “Hell no!” Lust reverted back to her tentacled self. “Are you kidding me? Jerry!? I’d sooner practice abstinence. We’ll just have him buy another prostitute.” “Not again,” Greed exclaimed. “All that did was drain his back account and then again when he had to go to the doctors for his twelve hour erection because all he really wanted to do was talk to her.” “If you can even call that an erection,” Envy scoffed. “What about more food?” Gluttony asked, spitting as he did. “We can have him eat his problems away.” The other six Cardinal Demons stared at him. “Shut up, Gluttony. You can’t eat your problems away!” Wrath said. “No, he needs to take his boss by the balls and demand a promotion.” “Or he takes his boss by the balls and asks nicely for one,” Lust said. “Asks real nicely.” “Guys!” Pride slammed his webbed fingers into the floor, the impact blowing out the candles around them. “We need a real plan, alright? None of these bullshit gimmicks. They won’t work on a guy like Jerry. He’s too much of a loser. The guy’s got literally nothing going for him, he’s going to be completely bald by the time he’s 26 and not even the original succubus will sleep with him. And she’d fuck anything with a pulse!” Lust shrugged. “It’s true.” “It’s a lost cause,” Wrath said. “We’re better off killing everybody in this world so we can start fresh. Maybe the new world won’t have Jerry, the human buzzkill.” The other demons nodded in unison. Destroying the world would certainly restore some of their credibility as Cardinal Demons. Someone cleared their throats. The Seven Demons turned toward it. “Who dares spy on the Cardinal Demons?” Pride growled and all the candles alit, revealing Jerry. “Hey guys,” Jerry said, barely managing a smile. They couldn’t tell if he was sad or not because he was always just barely managing a smile. “Shit, Jerry, how long have you been there?” Envy asked. Jerry scratched his thinning hair. “Since the beginning,” he said. “I… uh… didn’t have too great of a day so I thought the basement would help me clear my mind.” “God damn it, Jerry, the basement?” Pride’s brow raised. “C’mon man, you need sunshine and laughter and uh...” his voice trailed off. If he knew what Jerry needed, Jerry would not be in the basement during a meeting of the Cardinal Demons. “So you heard all of it?” Jerry gave off a dying chuckle. “Don’t worry, nothing new.” “Holy shit you’re depressing,” Envy muttered. “Yeah,” Jerry agreed. A brittle silence settled between them. “Um… I gotta go,” Wrath said before disappearing into a poof of fire. The rest of the demons quickly followed suite, all coming up with some excuse to leave until only Jerry and Gluttony remained. The demon turned to Jerry, scratching his belly. “Jerry, my boy,” he said, “let me teach you about all the problems eating can solve.” Jerry shrugged. “I mean, it’s not like things can get any worse, I suppose. What do you have in mind?” "I'm going to teach you to eat your problems away." Gluttony laughed, spewing crumbs everywhere. “Have you ever heard the name Kobayashi?” --- --- /r/jraywang for 5+ stories a week!
[WP] A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they're all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.	"You have to get up, buddy," Sloth said. He was laying in bed with the Guy after they had passed out binge watching Netflix. His mortal roommate failed to stir so he gave him another nudge. "C'mon man. You can't just lay in bed all day." The Guy groaned and rolled over. "Who the hell are you to tell me that," he asked. "You are named after a monkey that is so slow moss grows on it." "I don't think that is accurate, and I am Sloth. That's my nature, but it's not yours. You are my friend and this is no way to live." He planted his foot against his roommate's side and pushed him from the bed. He heard the satisfying "thud" but no movement followed. He did however hear footsteps in the hallway. "You've done it now," he said to the unmoving form on the floor. "Dammit! Are you still asleep," said the voice angrily as it kicked in the door. Anger stood in full wrath upon the entryway. "Get up," he yelled and stormed across the room. He reached down and easily lifted the Guy from the floor and stood him on his feet. The Guy still looked disinterested. Anger brought upon himself an uncharacteristic calm, "Look, it's important that you get up. Today is important to you, and I want you to do well." The calmness in Anger's voice woke the Guy and he mumbled something about "Sorry, I'm waking up." Pride stepped into the room and looked at the unkempt and disheveled Guy standing there. "This won't work. You need to take some me in yourself. Get in there and shower, and do something with your hair. I will iron your clothes." The Guy realized that his Roommates weren't going to let him go back to sleep and decided the best course was to comply to their demands. As he showered, Gluttony arrived with a breakfast platter. He was covered in the remnants of the meal with eggshells matted in his hair, and a patina of orange zest covered his nostrils like a homeless man huffing paint. Pride looked at him with disdain, but approved of the breakfast. It was surprisingly sparse and moderate for a being such as Gluttony: One egg, English muffin, turkey sausage, and a glass of fresh squeezed juice. The Guy came out from the bathroom and looked at the platter, but ignored it and attempted to lay back in the bed. He was snatched from his attempted escape to reverie by Gluttony who demanded he eat at least the egg. "Not too much, but you will need the nutrition. Eat," said Gluttony. So the Guy ate. As the Guy came down the stairs, he was met by Envy. "Good morning, handsome. I just love that outfit you are wearing. May have to pick one up myself," said Envy as they walked through the hallway. "Now remember, you are smart, handsome, and incredible capable. You've got this." The Guy just nodded and continued down the hallway. Greed came from the front door and announced to the Guy and the Roommates. "She is here. May I have a word with him?" The rest of the Roommates went into the other room as Greed stood before the Guy. "Listen. Normally I would tell you that this is a pointless endeavor. A matter of the heart which is a drain on the wallet. But sometimes," he paused. "Sometimes an investment of the heart can bring the greatest capital." He shook hands with the Guy. "Good luck." The Guy walked to the front door, and was almost going to open it when he paused. There was someone he was missing. He looked into the living room where his roommates had gathered and saw Lust peering through the window. "I've got no advice for ya," said Lust. "She's great." The rest of the Roommates looked disappointed in Lust's lack of epiphany, but the Guy waited a moment. Lust turned and offered, "Just try to control yourself, you are in it for the love, not just the lust. Good luck, kid." The Guy opened the door and greeted his date. He wore his first genuine smile in months. The Roommates would anxiously await his return. But whatever happened, they were there for him.	The seven original demons sat around a bloody pentagram in Jerry’s basement. Candles burned at all six points of the star, providing the only light to chase away the shadows. For centuries, the Cardinal Demons had haunted this property in between spreading death and torment throughout the world. Every person who had ever lived here had ruined their lives with irreversible consequence. Then they met Jerry—a twenty-five year old balding man-child stuck in a dead end job who had already been divorced twice. Truly, there was no hell like being Jerry. “Are you fucking kidding me?” Pride growled. “Jerry just got passed up for promotion by the high school kid. What the hell are we doing?” Envy just gaped. “A high school kid? Jerry’s got a doctorate!” “Look, we gotta do something about this,” Pride exclaimed. “Why?” Sloth asked, his words slow and drawn out. “Why do we have to do any of this?” “Because we are the original sins!” Pride hissed. “And with all our power, this god damn sack of shit Jerry is still getting passed up for promotions by high schoolers. What the hell do you think that means for us?” Envy crossed her arms. “I bet the rest of the demons are laughing at us as we speak—the Seven Cardinal, look how far you’ve fallen. I bet those damnable horsemen think they can use this as a power grab.” “And take away our position?” Greed exclaimed. “Over my dead body.” Wrath shook her head. “Over Jerry’s dead body.” “Shit guys,” Pride said. “We can kill the poor bastard whenever we want. Hell, we’d be doing him a favor. But first we got to turn his life around at least!” “Perhaps the company of another girl might do the trick.” Lust licked her lips and took the form of a gorgeous blonde. “You saying you’re going to fuck him?” Sloth asked. “Hell no!” Lust reverted back to her tentacled self. “Are you kidding me? Jerry!? I’d sooner practice abstinence. We’ll just have him buy another prostitute.” “Not again,” Greed exclaimed. “All that did was drain his back account and then again when he had to go to the doctors for his twelve hour erection because all he really wanted to do was talk to her.” “If you can even call that an erection,” Envy scoffed. “What about more food?” Gluttony asked, spitting as he did. “We can have him eat his problems away.” The other six Cardinal Demons stared at him. “Shut up, Gluttony. You can’t eat your problems away!” Wrath said. “No, he needs to take his boss by the balls and demand a promotion.” “Or he takes his boss by the balls and asks nicely for one,” Lust said. “Asks real nicely.” “Guys!” Pride slammed his webbed fingers into the floor, the impact blowing out the candles around them. “We need a real plan, alright? None of these bullshit gimmicks. They won’t work on a guy like Jerry. He’s too much of a loser. The guy’s got literally nothing going for him, he’s going to be completely bald by the time he’s 26 and not even the original succubus will sleep with him. And she’d fuck anything with a pulse!” Lust shrugged. “It’s true.” “It’s a lost cause,” Wrath said. “We’re better off killing everybody in this world so we can start fresh. Maybe the new world won’t have Jerry, the human buzzkill.” The other demons nodded in unison. Destroying the world would certainly restore some of their credibility as Cardinal Demons. Someone cleared their throats. The Seven Demons turned toward it. “Who dares spy on the Cardinal Demons?” Pride growled and all the candles alit, revealing Jerry. “Hey guys,” Jerry said, barely managing a smile. They couldn’t tell if he was sad or not because he was always just barely managing a smile. “Shit, Jerry, how long have you been there?” Envy asked. Jerry scratched his thinning hair. “Since the beginning,” he said. “I… uh… didn’t have too great of a day so I thought the basement would help me clear my mind.” “God damn it, Jerry, the basement?” Pride’s brow raised. “C’mon man, you need sunshine and laughter and uh...” his voice trailed off. If he knew what Jerry needed, Jerry would not be in the basement during a meeting of the Cardinal Demons. “So you heard all of it?” Jerry gave off a dying chuckle. “Don’t worry, nothing new.” “Holy shit you’re depressing,” Envy muttered. “Yeah,” Jerry agreed. A brittle silence settled between them. “Um… I gotta go,” Wrath said before disappearing into a poof of fire. The rest of the demons quickly followed suite, all coming up with some excuse to leave until only Jerry and Gluttony remained. The demon turned to Jerry, scratching his belly. “Jerry, my boy,” he said, “let me teach you about all the problems eating can solve.” Jerry shrugged. “I mean, it’s not like things can get any worse, I suppose. What do you have in mind?” "I'm going to teach you to eat your problems away." Gluttony laughed, spewing crumbs everywhere. “Have you ever heard the name Kobayashi?” --- --- /r/jraywang for 5+ stories a week!
[WP] A depressed guy moves into a haunted house with 7 demons, each corresponding to a deadly sin. But, they're all trying to help him get back on his feet; Pride helps with self confidence, Lust helps him get laid, etc.	I couldn't believe I was doing this. "I...I don't think this was a good idea, Lisa, I-'m just going to leave," I said, and changed the gear to drive. "You will not!" Came the voice from the backseat. I sighed. "Please, Lisa, I'm just not-" "Look at me, Mark," she said. When I didn't she repeated herself, louder, "Look. At. Me," she said, deliberately enunciating each word. I couldn't argue with that, so I turned around to face the most beautiful woman in the universe - quite literally. She was wearing a dress like celebrities wore on the red carpet, and had a face that belonged on a magazine cover. Her fiery hair cascaded down all the way down her back, and her sharp green eyes were looking directly into mine. Her slender fingers wrapped around my shoulders. "Listen to me, Mark. You are good enough, you hear me. You can do this," she said, her voice carrying a subtle layer of something sensual - as it always did. I swallowed but nodded. "F-fine," I said, "I'll stay." As if on cue, the front door of the apartment opened, and Emily walked out, long legs, dark hair and dark eyes. Lisa have me an encouraging tap on the shoulder and vanished. * "hey Mark, can you do this paper work for me? Thanks!" Hendricks said before I could even look up from my computer. Sitting on my desk was a stack about a foot high - none of it supposed to be my responsibility. "Punch him, punch that guy in the face," said a voice next to my ear. I almost fell out of my seat to find a drill sergeant, wearing boots, camo pants and a tank top standing next to me. "Come on, soldier," he growled, "show that man who's boss!" "Th-that would be assault, William," I said. "That's Sergeant William to you, private!" he snapped. I was saved from responding however, when a dark skinned man in a suit appeared on my desk, casually smoking a cigar. "Wrath is a bit, xcessive Mark, but his point stands, you shouldn't let others run over you like that," he said. "et tu, Percival?" I sighed. Percival, Pride, thumped my back and smiled, "Oh come on, now, it'll do you good." I bit my lip, then nodded, almost to myself. "Hey Andrew," I called, "do this yourself!" * "Wow, so this your house, Mark?" Emily said, gaping at the mansion. I shrugged, "I..ah, inherited it." I said. Emily just nodded. "And, uh, you don't have anyone to share it with?" she asked. In a move that would make Lisa proud, I smiled and said, "Is that an offer?" Emily blushed and looked at her feet, "maybe it is." Just as she did a bell rang from the kitchen. Emily frowned, "what was that?" she asked. "The...ah, oven," I said, and as we walked over to the table set in the kitchen itself, we saw a three course meal waiting, wine, juicy steaks, salad, anything we could possibly want, on a dinky looking table. "Wow..." Emily said, her eyes wide, "you get permanent cooking duty." I mouthed a silent "thank you, Gus." as we dug into the food. *** "Sir, you want this ring?" I wasn't so sure myself, but the ladies around me didn't leave me with much choice. Evelyn with her bright blue eyes and blond hair played idly with my hair and said, "Oh come on, Mark, of course you want that ring, you want the best for Emily, don't you, nothing less than anyone else?" I nodded, though a bit hesitantly, and Giada nodded eagerly. "People are already jealous of your house, your girl, your money, Mark. Don't you want more?" she said, her dark eyes a little too wide. "Uh...yeah," I said, slightly disturbed. Greed was always a bit, well, off. I turned back to the seller. "Yes, that very ring," I said. * Sloth was, finally, no longer in my life. * If you enjoyed, check out [XcessiveWriting](https://www.reddit.com/r/XcessiveWriting/) for more of my work	The seven original demons sat around a bloody pentagram in Jerry’s basement. Candles burned at all six points of the star, providing the only light to chase away the shadows. For centuries, the Cardinal Demons had haunted this property in between spreading death and torment throughout the world. Every person who had ever lived here had ruined their lives with irreversible consequence. Then they met Jerry—a twenty-five year old balding man-child stuck in a dead end job who had already been divorced twice. Truly, there was no hell like being Jerry. “Are you fucking kidding me?” Pride growled. “Jerry just got passed up for promotion by the high school kid. What the hell are we doing?” Envy just gaped. “A high school kid? Jerry’s got a doctorate!” “Look, we gotta do something about this,” Pride exclaimed. “Why?” Sloth asked, his words slow and drawn out. “Why do we have to do any of this?” “Because we are the original sins!” Pride hissed. “And with all our power, this god damn sack of shit Jerry is still getting passed up for promotions by high schoolers. What the hell do you think that means for us?” Envy crossed her arms. “I bet the rest of the demons are laughing at us as we speak—the Seven Cardinal, look how far you’ve fallen. I bet those damnable horsemen think they can use this as a power grab.” “And take away our position?” Greed exclaimed. “Over my dead body.” Wrath shook her head. “Over Jerry’s dead body.” “Shit guys,” Pride said. “We can kill the poor bastard whenever we want. Hell, we’d be doing him a favor. But first we got to turn his life around at least!” “Perhaps the company of another girl might do the trick.” Lust licked her lips and took the form of a gorgeous blonde. “You saying you’re going to fuck him?” Sloth asked. “Hell no!” Lust reverted back to her tentacled self. “Are you kidding me? Jerry!? I’d sooner practice abstinence. We’ll just have him buy another prostitute.” “Not again,” Greed exclaimed. “All that did was drain his back account and then again when he had to go to the doctors for his twelve hour erection because all he really wanted to do was talk to her.” “If you can even call that an erection,” Envy scoffed. “What about more food?” Gluttony asked, spitting as he did. “We can have him eat his problems away.” The other six Cardinal Demons stared at him. “Shut up, Gluttony. You can’t eat your problems away!” Wrath said. “No, he needs to take his boss by the balls and demand a promotion.” “Or he takes his boss by the balls and asks nicely for one,” Lust said. “Asks real nicely.” “Guys!” Pride slammed his webbed fingers into the floor, the impact blowing out the candles around them. “We need a real plan, alright? None of these bullshit gimmicks. They won’t work on a guy like Jerry. He’s too much of a loser. The guy’s got literally nothing going for him, he’s going to be completely bald by the time he’s 26 and not even the original succubus will sleep with him. And she’d fuck anything with a pulse!” Lust shrugged. “It’s true.” “It’s a lost cause,” Wrath said. “We’re better off killing everybody in this world so we can start fresh. Maybe the new world won’t have Jerry, the human buzzkill.” The other demons nodded in unison. Destroying the world would certainly restore some of their credibility as Cardinal Demons. Someone cleared their throats. The Seven Demons turned toward it. “Who dares spy on the Cardinal Demons?” Pride growled and all the candles alit, revealing Jerry. “Hey guys,” Jerry said, barely managing a smile. They couldn’t tell if he was sad or not because he was always just barely managing a smile. “Shit, Jerry, how long have you been there?” Envy asked. Jerry scratched his thinning hair. “Since the beginning,” he said. “I… uh… didn’t have too great of a day so I thought the basement would help me clear my mind.” “God damn it, Jerry, the basement?” Pride’s brow raised. “C’mon man, you need sunshine and laughter and uh...” his voice trailed off. If he knew what Jerry needed, Jerry would not be in the basement during a meeting of the Cardinal Demons. “So you heard all of it?” Jerry gave off a dying chuckle. “Don’t worry, nothing new.” “Holy shit you’re depressing,” Envy muttered. “Yeah,” Jerry agreed. A brittle silence settled between them. “Um… I gotta go,” Wrath said before disappearing into a poof of fire. The rest of the demons quickly followed suite, all coming up with some excuse to leave until only Jerry and Gluttony remained. The demon turned to Jerry, scratching his belly. “Jerry, my boy,” he said, “let me teach you about all the problems eating can solve.” Jerry shrugged. “I mean, it’s not like things can get any worse, I suppose. What do you have in mind?” "I'm going to teach you to eat your problems away." Gluttony laughed, spewing crumbs everywhere. “Have you ever heard the name Kobayashi?” --- --- /r/jraywang for 5+ stories a week!
[WP] You are a scientist who has developed a way to manually edit DNA, and you're preparing to demonstrate it by inserting a string of text into your own genome. While searching through the non-coding sections for a good spot to place the text, you notice something odd, already there: a message	A low hum started to build behind me. The crowd was getting restless, asking questions, wondering why I'd suddenly gone quiet during this world changing demonstration. I was wondering different things. The string of code that I'd prepped for the presentation read as a simple "Hello!". Doing anything more would likely take several days out of everyone's lives considering the unrefined tech we were working with at the moment. But someone (one of my colleagues maybe) has either found the time and was playing one hell of a prank, or was working with a much better version of technology that was barely public knowledge at this point. The technology to edit DNA. Unbelievable. Ground-breaking. And right here at my fingertips, ready to be announced to the world with a simple, "Hello!" written onto my own genome. The first change of many more to come. And someone, somehow, beat me to it. And left a message. To me. DAVID DON'T THEY ALL DIE DAVID BECAUSE OF MEN LIKE US DARING TO PLAY DIETY THEY ALL THOUGHT THEMSELVES GODS THEY BLED THEMSELVES DRY, TO PROVE SUPERIORITY OVER THEIR NEIGHBOR YOUR KIND IS NOT DIFFERENT THEY WILL DESTROY THEMSELVES DAVID DO NOT DO THIS I clench my fist, the hum of the crowd grows louder and louder. Their gazes, and those of my colleagues, were white hot on my back. The world was watching. ...They all die... A second longer, then two, then three. "Annnddd...there! Agh, sorry about the folks this isn't an exact science just yet." I say, and suddenly, the tension releases from the room as a laugh rolls over the crowd. I chuckle as I pass a sample of my tissue under the microscope, and it's projected onto the big screen. The crowd gasps and goes silent. My smile grows wider as survey the awe plain on their faces. Awe for a simple little "Hello!" written in my DNA. The message was gone, it had taken longer than I'd liked scrub it out. But they weren't hard to win back, I'm about to make history after all. They will all die. Maybe. But I will have lived like a god.	"Stop!" was written first, in the exact code made up of amino acids that I thought up in grad school for fun. Then a long superfluous chain in a different, simpler, more efficient code that was beautiful but easy to crack. I created that one too, or should I say shall create, fifty-years into the future, and possibly way before I go back into the past and encode that message into my DNA. For what reason will I do that? Oh, you know. Save the world... According to the longer string of encoded text inside my DNA, my invention will lead to a near-extinction event for human beings. Oops. Turns out, genome-editing has some terribly corruptive curse associated with it that turns otherwise rational human beings, like my brother, and turns them into raving mad eugenicists. ~~Back to the drawing board.~~ I'm going to take a long break from science.
[WP] You are a scientist who has developed a way to manually edit DNA, and you're preparing to demonstrate it by inserting a string of text into your own genome. While searching through the non-coding sections for a good spot to place the text, you notice something odd, already there: a message	For a five year old Molly could draw a sports car significantly better than most adults Lucas knew, including himself. Molly held up the picture, “See daddy! It’s the car that you like! I drew it for your birthday! With these crayons!” She held her other hand open wide with a pile of assorted crayons resting on top. “That’s very good sweetheart! Thank you! I’m going to have to get you colored pencils so you can draw even better.” Lucas sat back in his office chair watching the Skype call. The view of the call shifted to Heather, “Ok Molly go put that on daddy’s desk in his study so he can find it when he gets home.” “Ok!” The padding of Mollies feat sounded from the laptop speakers. “All right, I need to go start dinner but remember don’t stay late tonight I know you have the presentation coming up but I have a lot planned for your birthday.” Heather waved some movie tickets in view of the camera. Lucas held up his phone, “I won’t forget, I set an alarm and everything.” “Ok, good. Love you.” Heather smiled. “Love you too, Honey. Bye.” Lucas ended the call. He went to the main lab and began looking for a good spot to add a message in his DNA. Nothing particularly good though he did find something odd. His coworker Anthony walked over. “Your birthday is tomorrow right man? Happy Birthday bro.” “Thanks Anthony. Hey does this look odd to you?” Lucas pointed to a section of DNA labeled by the computer as ‘Non-Coding, Unknown Origin.’ Anthony creased his brow, “Yeah, it does. You know I think that can be translated. Put it in a text document and send it to me?” he walked over and sat down at a computer attached to a large machine with the words Manual Genome Editor printed on it. “Sure. Let me know if it is something interesting.” Lucas sent the text file and went back to searching for a spot to put his message. They had seen a number of odd things in DNA but nothing that had turned out very exciting. A few minutes later Lucas heard Anthony say to himself, “Got you sucker! Oh, that’s so obvious I should have realized.” Anthony quickly moved to another computer. “What did you find? Is it something I can write over?” Lucas asked. “Yeah, It’s that thing, you know?” Anthony typed in a rhythm with only his right hand. “No, I don’t.” Lucas didn’t press the issue, he knew Anthony could get extremely focused and it would be more effective to just go look. Lucas walked over to see what Anthony was typing. “What the?” Lucas muttered as he watched Anthony fill his screen with ones and zeros at a rapid pace. He walked over to the computer Anthony had done the translation on and examined the screen. The translation had successfully interpreted the strange section of his DNA into a page filling sequence of numbers exclusively one through four. Upon seeing it Lucas could feel something click inside is brain. Everything now made sense to him. Information he felt like he had forgotten flooded back to him. It was obvious to him now what the message was, it was orders to build the communication array. He looked over at Anthony, he was already hard at work coding the software the array would need to operate. Lucas needed to start… Buzzzzzz. What was that? Lucas wondered. Buzzzzzz. Oh, Lucas pulled his phone out from his pocket and ended the alarm. He stared at the alarm text for a while trying to figure out what it meant. “Time to go home. Sleep. Birthday with family tomorrow.” The phone slipped from his hand, bounced off his leg and clattered onto the floor. His Skype conversation trickled back in and with a lurch he remembered that his family existed. His skin went pale and cold sweat beaded on his forehead. His life and family had been pushed to the side by the sudden need to build the array and report. How could he forget his family like that? Didn’t matter, what was needed was materials… “NO!” Lucas pounded his head with the bottom of his wrists. He needed to make noise, like his phone. Alarm? No, alert! He needed to alert someone… that the array needed… “Arraah!” “I have a daughter, she is a, she likes to… Ahhh!” Lucas said through clenched teeth. “She draws well, and, she, her name is, her name is… Array! NO!” Tears seeped from his eyes, he couldn’t bear his family or his mind be taken like this. Lucas didn’t know what else to do; he just did the first thing that came to mind which was to run into the wall. He focused on moving his legs, his eyes slammed shut and his hands pressed against his temples. He didn’t notice the strap from a bag on the floor, his foot got caught. His balance gone, Lucas face planted into the linoleum lab floor. The world turned black. Lucas opened his eyes and wondered why he was on the ground. He sat up and saw some blood on the floor and something tugged at his foot. He touched his finger to the stinging part of his aching head. His finger returned red and wet. He looked around the room and discovered the lab and the bag strap tangled around his foot. Slowly events came back to him. He got up, freed his foot, and retrieved his phone. Anthony still typed away. Lucas couldn’t remember what the numbers on the screen had said, there was an entire page of them after all but he did remember what he had felt after seeing them. He took the long way around the room so he could approach the offending computer monitor from the back and ripped the power cord out from it and the computer. He let out a deep breath. Whatever else happened there was one thing he needed to do. He grabbed his phone and speed dialed his wife. “You had better not be calling to tell me you are staying late.” OH! Heathers beautiful melodic voice, it was like cold clear water to a thirsty man lost in the desert. “I love you, I love you, love you. Please can you come get me?” Lucas sat on the floor trembling, his body hadn’t figured out how to deal with the stress he had just experienced. “What’s wrong? Are you ok?” Heather asked. “No, I’m freaking out. Please just come get me, and don’t hang up.” Lucas suddenly felt extremely tired, like he could sleep for days. “Ok, ok, I’m on my way.” Heather said. “Thank you, I love you.” Lucas smiled and thought to himself, “My wife’s name is Heather and my daughter’s name is Molly.” -------- This will be archived with my other works at: [r/ArchCronoWrites](https://www.reddit.com/r/ArchCronoWrites/)	"Stop!" was written first, in the exact code made up of amino acids that I thought up in grad school for fun. Then a long superfluous chain in a different, simpler, more efficient code that was beautiful but easy to crack. I created that one too, or should I say shall create, fifty-years into the future, and possibly way before I go back into the past and encode that message into my DNA. For what reason will I do that? Oh, you know. Save the world... According to the longer string of encoded text inside my DNA, my invention will lead to a near-extinction event for human beings. Oops. Turns out, genome-editing has some terribly corruptive curse associated with it that turns otherwise rational human beings, like my brother, and turns them into raving mad eugenicists. ~~Back to the drawing board.~~ I'm going to take a long break from science.
[WP] You are a scientist who has developed a way to manually edit DNA, and you're preparing to demonstrate it by inserting a string of text into your own genome. While searching through the non-coding sections for a good spot to place the text, you notice something odd, already there: a message	Scrolling through the endless strings A, C, G, and Ts, my brain was spinning wildly from the task at hand. I tried to tell myself to focus, but then again, that never really does work. I needed a spot in my genome that didn't really have any effect, that could be spliced out and replaced and subjected to the wonders of genetic engineering. I also needed a break. Leaning back and stretching on my chair, I reached out and gave the endless list of letters a final, vengeful scroll- and there. My heart fluttered, and I sat straight up. There, in stark contrast to the repeating letters read the words SEND NUDES	"Stop!" was written first, in the exact code made up of amino acids that I thought up in grad school for fun. Then a long superfluous chain in a different, simpler, more efficient code that was beautiful but easy to crack. I created that one too, or should I say shall create, fifty-years into the future, and possibly way before I go back into the past and encode that message into my DNA. For what reason will I do that? Oh, you know. Save the world... According to the longer string of encoded text inside my DNA, my invention will lead to a near-extinction event for human beings. Oops. Turns out, genome-editing has some terribly corruptive curse associated with it that turns otherwise rational human beings, like my brother, and turns them into raving mad eugenicists. ~~Back to the drawing board.~~ I'm going to take a long break from science.
[WP] As a babysitter you are putting a young girl to bed. She says "Don't worry. There aren't any monsters in the closest. Daddy keeps them all locked up in the basement."	Torie checked the closet anyway. She believed in monsters once and old habits died hard. Little Marie tolerated it each time and repeated herself every night but Torie checked anyway; no monsters. There never were. She kissed the girl good night and went down to make herself some food without thinking about it to much. The house was well kept but old and made sounds that caused her to jump the first few times she had babysat but now she could pick out what made what sound with ease. Old pipes rattled as she turned on the water. They sounded like prisoner chains rattling against the floor and when she flicked on the stove the heavy pop that followed never bothered her anymore. She poured soup and listened to the house settle, a sound she found comforting, and before long retired to the living room to watch TV. She was halfway through her show when she heard a sound she had never heard before. It was a deep sound that reminded her of the time she dragged her softball bat across the old wood floor at her house but it went away before she could pin point it. A heavy sigh followed a moment later and she jumped at the noise. "Stupid." she muttered as her heart raced. She picked up her things and went to the kitchen. Halfway down the hall she heard it again and froze. A moment later a door creaked somewhere above her and she felt her heart start to pound. "Can I have some water?" Marie asked from the top of the stairs. "Of course you can, I'll bring it up to you." She climbed the stairs faster than she thought possible when she heard the noise again. Marie thanked her and took a sip before rolling over and Torie closed the door behind her. A hand wrapped around her mouth before she could react muffling her scream. "Ssh..." a voice hissed, "Do not struggle, it will only make it worse." Whatever held her was impossibly strong. She struggled and kicked against it but realized it was futile as it moved down the stairs. The basement door, normally locked and bolted, sat slightly ajar and she screamed against the clawed hand covering her mouth. "It will be over soon, I haven't eaten in so long, I intend to savor it." the creature clicked. She could see the hint of fangs in it's twisted jaw. Torie felt something well up inside of her and lashed out hard driving her head back into the creatures teeth. She felt a wet crack and a howl of pain from the creature before she was dropped to the floor. Scrambling on all fours she lunged for her purse and wrapped her hand around the pepper spray she kept tucked away as the thing charged her. It was humanoid, with arms and legs to long to be natural and it's mouth consumed it's face almost entirely. It's cracked teeth bled and it hissed in rage as it lunged for the kill. Torie sprayed the beast with a mouthful of pepper spray, diverting it. It sank it's claw into her arm and she cried in pain but at least she was alive. "Dimittet et Frigidus!" someone shouted. The creature was hurled back it's arms stretched out in mock cruifixion pinned to symbols that glowed on the wall. Torie whimpered and recoiled, her mind trying to make sense of it all as Marie's father walked towards the beast. "Back to your cage Blemmeyes." the man snarled. He uttered more words Torie did not understand and the beast contorted with pain. The door to the basement sprang open and the beast screamed as it was hurled down into the darkness once again. The door slammed shut and a great glowing ward appeared for a moment before it vanished. Richard found her passed out from the pain and carried her to the couch. Marie appeared a few minutes later and without question grabbed the first aid kit. "I like Daddy, will she be alright?" she asked handing him needle and thread. "She'll live." he replied, "We'll have to see how her mind held up once she wakes up." ---- Torie screamed and Richard eased her back onto the couch. He whispered a soft word and she instantly settled. Her eyes were alert and searching which was a good sign. Once she managed to get a hold of herself completely she spoke. "Mr. Burrows? What..what was that?" He sighed, "Victoria, you saved my daughters life tonight so I am going to do something I have only rarely ever done. I am going to give you an option." She looked at him curiously. "I can tell you the truth and all of the terrible things that come with it. Or I can erase the entire night from your mind and heal your arm completely. It's your choice." Torie thought about what she had seen. She remembered how her heart raced when the creature had her, how she had decided in that last instant to fight for her life and the deep sense of right that came with it. She pushed herself up on her good arm and gripped her injured one as she felt her heart start to race again. "Tell me everything."	"What did you say?" "I said, 'Daddy keeps the monsters locked in the basement.'" Clearly, this was some kind of joke her dad made with her to keep her from being afraid. I went along with it. "It's a good thing he does, too. Because do you know what monsters like to eat?" The little girl shook her head, wide eyed. "Little girls who stay up too late," I said solemnly. I read her a story and tucked her in, and was heading down the stairs when I heard it. Something in the basement, something that thudded heavily and then a scraping noise, as if something very heavy was dropped then scooted across the floor. I stood at the bottom of the stairs, frozen, listening to the sound of my heartbeat in the silence. The basement door was off to my left. I held my breath, straining to hear anything through the door. THUD scrape THUD scrape I almost screamed, and bolted back up the stairs. I sat, trembling, with my back against the wall, looking down the stairs, waiting for... I don't know. The noise to happen again, or the basement door to open, or... "It's okay. Daddy keeps the door locked. It can't get out." I did scream when the girl first spoke, a strangled abortion of scream from the back of my throat. "I didn't mean to scare you," she said. THUD scrape "Do you know where your dad keep the key to that door?" I whispered. The little girl nodded. "Can you show me?" I asked. "Daddy says I'm not supposed to go down there," she told me. "It's okay. I'm a grown up, and I'm allowed." The little girl considered this for a moment. My reasoning must have satisfied her, because she took my hand and pulled me into her father's study. She opened the top drawer of the massive oak desk and pointed to an old brass key. I took the key, then walked the girl back to her bedroom. "Listen, I want you to stay here and be very quiet, okay?" I whispered. "I'm going to go see what's making noise in the basement." I don't know how long I stood at the basement door trying to find my courage. Finally, with a shaking hand, I fumbled the key into the lock and gave it a turn. The door swung inward, revealing stairs descending into the darkness. I felt around on the wall for a light switch, but found nothing. Breathing heavily, I stepped down to the first step. It creaked and groaned under my weight. After a pause, I stepped down again. Then a third step. THUD scrape Closer and louder now that the door was no longer muffling the sound. Another step down, and then another. I swallowed with an audible click in my throat, and turned suddenly when I heard a tittering, muffled laugh behind me. The girl was standing at the top of the stairs, smiling down at me. Without breaking eye contact, she reached out and closed the door. I bolted back to the top of the stairs and reached the handle just in time to hear the lock clicking into place. I was trapped, locked in this basement with God only knows what. What was I going to do? Panic was setting in, I could feel it rising, and when it finally overtook me, I would... My phone! I completely forgot about my cell phone in my pocket. I fumbled in the dark and almost dropped it in my haste to pull it out, unlocked the screen and... No bars. No wifi. No signal of any kind. I was sunk. Still, I had a light now, maybe I could find a window and wriggle out of it. I'd call the cops and then I'd be out of there. The girl's parents were going to pay me $80, but as far as I was concerned, they could keep it. I just wanted to go home and forget all about this- THUD scrape I held my phone up into the darkness. The faint glow from the screen did precious little to split the inky, suffocating dark. A face loomed out of the darkness; it looked as terrified as I felt. It was a teenage girl, about my age, dirty, panicked, but with a glimmer of hope in her eyes. "Please," she sobbed, "please, please, you have to help me..." She collapsed at my feet, sobbing in mixed terror and relief. "Shh, it's okay," I said, "I'm going to look for a way out." "No, you have to help me," the girl insisted. "Please, I need help!" "What do you need?" I asked. "I'm gonna need about treefiddy..."
[WP] As a babysitter you are putting a young girl to bed. She says "Don't worry. There aren't any monsters in the closest. Daddy keeps them all locked up in the basement."	Torie checked the closet anyway. She believed in monsters once and old habits died hard. Little Marie tolerated it each time and repeated herself every night but Torie checked anyway; no monsters. There never were. She kissed the girl good night and went down to make herself some food without thinking about it to much. The house was well kept but old and made sounds that caused her to jump the first few times she had babysat but now she could pick out what made what sound with ease. Old pipes rattled as she turned on the water. They sounded like prisoner chains rattling against the floor and when she flicked on the stove the heavy pop that followed never bothered her anymore. She poured soup and listened to the house settle, a sound she found comforting, and before long retired to the living room to watch TV. She was halfway through her show when she heard a sound she had never heard before. It was a deep sound that reminded her of the time she dragged her softball bat across the old wood floor at her house but it went away before she could pin point it. A heavy sigh followed a moment later and she jumped at the noise. "Stupid." she muttered as her heart raced. She picked up her things and went to the kitchen. Halfway down the hall she heard it again and froze. A moment later a door creaked somewhere above her and she felt her heart start to pound. "Can I have some water?" Marie asked from the top of the stairs. "Of course you can, I'll bring it up to you." She climbed the stairs faster than she thought possible when she heard the noise again. Marie thanked her and took a sip before rolling over and Torie closed the door behind her. A hand wrapped around her mouth before she could react muffling her scream. "Ssh..." a voice hissed, "Do not struggle, it will only make it worse." Whatever held her was impossibly strong. She struggled and kicked against it but realized it was futile as it moved down the stairs. The basement door, normally locked and bolted, sat slightly ajar and she screamed against the clawed hand covering her mouth. "It will be over soon, I haven't eaten in so long, I intend to savor it." the creature clicked. She could see the hint of fangs in it's twisted jaw. Torie felt something well up inside of her and lashed out hard driving her head back into the creatures teeth. She felt a wet crack and a howl of pain from the creature before she was dropped to the floor. Scrambling on all fours she lunged for her purse and wrapped her hand around the pepper spray she kept tucked away as the thing charged her. It was humanoid, with arms and legs to long to be natural and it's mouth consumed it's face almost entirely. It's cracked teeth bled and it hissed in rage as it lunged for the kill. Torie sprayed the beast with a mouthful of pepper spray, diverting it. It sank it's claw into her arm and she cried in pain but at least she was alive. "Dimittet et Frigidus!" someone shouted. The creature was hurled back it's arms stretched out in mock cruifixion pinned to symbols that glowed on the wall. Torie whimpered and recoiled, her mind trying to make sense of it all as Marie's father walked towards the beast. "Back to your cage Blemmeyes." the man snarled. He uttered more words Torie did not understand and the beast contorted with pain. The door to the basement sprang open and the beast screamed as it was hurled down into the darkness once again. The door slammed shut and a great glowing ward appeared for a moment before it vanished. Richard found her passed out from the pain and carried her to the couch. Marie appeared a few minutes later and without question grabbed the first aid kit. "I like Daddy, will she be alright?" she asked handing him needle and thread. "She'll live." he replied, "We'll have to see how her mind held up once she wakes up." ---- Torie screamed and Richard eased her back onto the couch. He whispered a soft word and she instantly settled. Her eyes were alert and searching which was a good sign. Once she managed to get a hold of herself completely she spoke. "Mr. Burrows? What..what was that?" He sighed, "Victoria, you saved my daughters life tonight so I am going to do something I have only rarely ever done. I am going to give you an option." She looked at him curiously. "I can tell you the truth and all of the terrible things that come with it. Or I can erase the entire night from your mind and heal your arm completely. It's your choice." Torie thought about what she had seen. She remembered how her heart raced when the creature had her, how she had decided in that last instant to fight for her life and the deep sense of right that came with it. She pushed herself up on her good arm and gripped her injured one as she felt her heart start to race again. "Tell me everything."	Mrs. Felding was a eccentric woman, more so after the dissaperence of Mr. Felding but her daughter Alice was sweet, and babysitting her was easy work thanks to her strict evening playtimes and bedtime. And John needed the rent money. As for the house it was old and over the years a number of ghost and urban legend stories had been appropriated to it, none confirmed of course. As John finished reading a bedtime tale, Alice looked worried and he asked "Alice, you look worried, whats wrong, do I need to check your room for monsters?" With a big grin on his face, trying to cheer her up. John slowy creeps around the room looking behind lamps and curtains, as he approaches the closet he goes to speak, but stops when Alice says. "No, Don't worry. There aren't any monsters in there" pointing to the closet. "Oh, and whys that?" "Daddy keeps them all locked up in the basement." Chills went through the very core of John. Alice was only seven, so its could likely be at her age, she doesn't understand her fathers absence. "Well then." Says John. " I guess monsters like it better down there anyways." John tucked Alice up in bed, put on her night light and left her to sleep. Fifteen minutes later john was in the kitchen, the thought of there being something or someone doing things unknown in the basement below him unnerved John to no end. John went to the Felding's liquor cabinet, took out the decanter drew himself a hefty splash of whiskey, downed it for some dutch courage and headed to the basement door. John twisted the handle and the door refused to budge. Locked, and tightly so. The split second he removed his hand from the door knob, he heard creaking above him. The world outside suddenly seemed to go quiet, despite the gale that was hitting tree branches against the windows. John climbed the stairs apprehensively as to check on Alice, when he finally reached the third floor, he noticed that the lights seemed dimmer than usual, in his foolishness he boiled it down to the recent power cuts that had effected the town. He slowly opened the door to Alice's room and watched for a moment as she slept soundly. As he went to turn and leave he saw it and froze. A dark figure, outside the bedroom window, blackened gnarled hand against the window. It seemed to regard John as if to see his reaction. Then it tapped the window. Tap tap tap tap. Tap tap tap. Tap tap. Tap. THUD. It hit the window hard, making John jump with fright from his paralysis. It took one long finger and scratched into the window one word. Run. Without a moments hesitation John went over to wake Alice and get her somewhere, anywhere else. As he reached the bed and lifted the blankets saw that she had vanished. Now only thinking of himself he turned and fled, and as he reached the top of he stairs he heard the crash of glass and felt an icy cold enter the house. John flew down the stairs and headed for the front door, he went to leave but found the door no longer had a handle. He rushed to the both the side door and back doors only to discover the same. He considered heading to the first floor and jumping out of a window, but as he reached the bottom of the stairs he saw the dark figure floating lightly at the top of stairs. Once again John froze, but quickly snapped to and looked for an exit, any exit. There was only one open door. The basement. In a final moment of desperation and fear, John headed to the doorway. It was the smell that hit him first, like electricity had fried the atmosphere. Then he saw the cages. Each one held what could only be described as a creature of sorts. It threw so many questions through John's mind, but it was the cage with the broken door that made John most worried. Having seen enough and wanting to avoid whatever other obscene entities filled this disgusting menagerie John bolt back towards the living room. It appeared that the black figure moved slowly as it'd only just reached the bottom of the stairs. Johnny looked for a weapon, a way out. Then he heard a wail, and a thundering from below, he could hear paws and hooves and god knows what the fuck else as the basement's monsters clambered up into the house. In the living room, John was confronted by a half wolf half lizard monstrosity, it growled angrily. Then from his right a creature with no recognisable traits, except what John expected were teeth gnashed at him. Cornered, John began to accept his fate, and chuckled to himself as he thought to himself if he was in the beginning of a horror movie. Then the Black figure appeared, still floating ever slowly towards him. The figure screeched and the lights went out.
[WP] As a babysitter you are putting a young girl to bed. She says "Don't worry. There aren't any monsters in the closest. Daddy keeps them all locked up in the basement."	Story time was over. All that was left was to tuck Ella in and then I could spend the rest of the night binge watching 'Parks and Rec' on the downstairs TV. After I checked for monsters, of course. That was part of my schtick, checking the closet and under the bed for monsters. The kids loved it. The parents were okay with, I assume, since none of them ever asked me not to. But when I went to pull the closet door open to show Ella there were no monsters in the closet, she stopped me. "Don't worry. There aren't any monsters in there. Daddy keeps them all locked up in the basement, but I'm not allowed down there." I have to admit, that threw me off a little. But I'm good at what I do, so I played along. "Alright, no monsters in the closet. But what about under the bed?" "Nuh-uh. No monsters under there either," Ella shook her head dramatically. The same way a lot of kids will do when you catch them with chocolate on their face and ask if they snuck a piece of candy. She was lying to me, everything in my experience told me she was. But how could she be? Monsters weren't real. I sat on the foot of the bed and gave Ella a stern look. "Ella, is there something under the bed you aren't supposed to have?" She looked down at the blanket and shook her head again. "Ella, sweetie, look at me," I said. "What's under the bed?" Ella thought for a minute. "A puppy?" she finally said. My heart was pounding, and I could feel the hair on the back of my neck pricking up. "That's right," a voice from under the bed agreed. I let out a strangled little scream as I pulled my feet up on the bed. "Just a harmless little puppy. No monsters at all." The voice was dry and papery, and it put me in mind of nothing so much as dead leaves blowing through a cemetery. "You idiot," gurgled a second voice. This one sounded like someone talking through a throat filled with rotting seaweed. "Puppies don't talk. Now she'll never believe you." "Not a puppy, then," the first voice rustled. "I was only kidding. We're, uh... we're..." "Pheasants!" the second voice gurgled triumphantly. "No, wait, that's not it either." "Ella? What's happening? What's under the bed?" I whispered. I was terrified. Ella, on the other hand, only looked exasperated. "You guys," she called out, "come on out. She knows you're down there now." I gaped at Ella, then at the shape that was crawling out from beneath the bed. The arms were first, long, impossibly thin with too many joints, little more than grey leathery skin stretched over bone. Then the ram's skull head with long, sharp teeth. The rest was covered by a tattered black robe. The thing loomed sheepishly next to the bed. "That's Nabowaoch," said Ella. "He eats your toes if you sleep with your feet sticking out of the blanket." I've heard that tone before from a hundred different kids telling me about a hundred different cartoon characters. "And the one behind you is Morleirch. She drowns people when they swim near sunken ships." "Nice to meet you," it gurgled, not unpleasantly. It looked like a tangled mass of seaweed and ropes in a roughly human shape. There was another one behind it, an impossibly tall humanoid creature in a black suit and top hat with long, dripping tentacles where the hands should be and a giant, unblinking eye for a head. "That's Mr. Zerzach," Ella giggled. "He's a big silly." I was regaining my composure. Despite the unspeakable horrors surrounding Ella and me, I was the babysitter. It was after bedtime. I was the adult. My control of the situation had slipped, but it was time to get it back. I took a deep breath. "Ella Van Helsing, you tell me what these things are doing under your bed right now!"	I look at the girl confused, and then I hear it. Bang! And then grunts and moans. Sounds like it came from the basement. I better play this safe, and dial 911. I dial it, and it is quickly answered. "911 what is your emergency?" "There is a loud banging and grunting noise coming from the basement of the house I am babysitting in." I answer, sounding much calmer than I really am. "Ok, what address?" I tell them the address. "An officer will be there soon." I wait. Knock Knock. I open the door and there's a police officer. "Noises from the basement? You better not be wasting my time, son." The officer informs me. Bang! Like a cinder block on wood. "Woah! Somethings definitely down there." He pulls out his pistol. I pull out mine. "Alright son, we're going to bust through that basement door." I nod and he holds up his hand and begins to count down from three with his fingers. As the last finger goes down he kicks the door down as I jump the corner with my pistol pointed towards the door. As soon as the door fell a dog the size of a rhino and black as night charged at us. We dodged out of the way as it plowed through the wall opposite the door. My employer just got home at that moment. "YOU OPENED THE DOOR?!" He yells at me. He regains his cool upon seeing the officer and tells us: "Alright, we gotta put down this mutt then kill whatever else jumps out of the basement." He pulls out a SWORD, no kidding, and slices the dogs head clean off. Then the dog dissolves into the shadows like it was never there! "I'm losin' it." The officer said dejectedly. "C'mon, we gotta destroy everything else down there." My employer explains. "Oh, and use these bullets." He hands us these funny looking bronze bullets. I load my gun with the bullets, this guy seems to know what he's doing. Then we head into the basement -oh did I say basement? I meant humongous cavern filled with creatues straight outta mythology! We then begin plowing through the monsters-each dead one turning to dust and eventually there are no monsters left. "Sorry you had to see that." My employer says simply. "Now hold on sir, what were all those things doing in your basement?" The officer asks. "They respawn in that cavern. I built my house over it to keep them in there." My employer answers.
[WP] As a babysitter you are putting a young girl to bed. She says "Don't worry. There aren't any monsters in the closest. Daddy keeps them all locked up in the basement."	Story time was over. All that was left was to tuck Ella in and then I could spend the rest of the night binge watching 'Parks and Rec' on the downstairs TV. After I checked for monsters, of course. That was part of my schtick, checking the closet and under the bed for monsters. The kids loved it. The parents were okay with, I assume, since none of them ever asked me not to. But when I went to pull the closet door open to show Ella there were no monsters in the closet, she stopped me. "Don't worry. There aren't any monsters in there. Daddy keeps them all locked up in the basement, but I'm not allowed down there." I have to admit, that threw me off a little. But I'm good at what I do, so I played along. "Alright, no monsters in the closet. But what about under the bed?" "Nuh-uh. No monsters under there either," Ella shook her head dramatically. The same way a lot of kids will do when you catch them with chocolate on their face and ask if they snuck a piece of candy. She was lying to me, everything in my experience told me she was. But how could she be? Monsters weren't real. I sat on the foot of the bed and gave Ella a stern look. "Ella, is there something under the bed you aren't supposed to have?" She looked down at the blanket and shook her head again. "Ella, sweetie, look at me," I said. "What's under the bed?" Ella thought for a minute. "A puppy?" she finally said. My heart was pounding, and I could feel the hair on the back of my neck pricking up. "That's right," a voice from under the bed agreed. I let out a strangled little scream as I pulled my feet up on the bed. "Just a harmless little puppy. No monsters at all." The voice was dry and papery, and it put me in mind of nothing so much as dead leaves blowing through a cemetery. "You idiot," gurgled a second voice. This one sounded like someone talking through a throat filled with rotting seaweed. "Puppies don't talk. Now she'll never believe you." "Not a puppy, then," the first voice rustled. "I was only kidding. We're, uh... we're..." "Pheasants!" the second voice gurgled triumphantly. "No, wait, that's not it either." "Ella? What's happening? What's under the bed?" I whispered. I was terrified. Ella, on the other hand, only looked exasperated. "You guys," she called out, "come on out. She knows you're down there now." I gaped at Ella, then at the shape that was crawling out from beneath the bed. The arms were first, long, impossibly thin with too many joints, little more than grey leathery skin stretched over bone. Then the ram's skull head with long, sharp teeth. The rest was covered by a tattered black robe. The thing loomed sheepishly next to the bed. "That's Nabowaoch," said Ella. "He eats your toes if you sleep with your feet sticking out of the blanket." I've heard that tone before from a hundred different kids telling me about a hundred different cartoon characters. "And the one behind you is Morleirch. She drowns people when they swim near sunken ships." "Nice to meet you," it gurgled, not unpleasantly. It looked like a tangled mass of seaweed and ropes in a roughly human shape. There was another one behind it, an impossibly tall humanoid creature in a black suit and top hat with long, dripping tentacles where the hands should be and a giant, unblinking eye for a head. "That's Mr. Zerzach," Ella giggled. "He's a big silly." I was regaining my composure. Despite the unspeakable horrors surrounding Ella and me, I was the babysitter. It was after bedtime. I was the adult. My control of the situation had slipped, but it was time to get it back. I took a deep breath. "Ella Van Helsing, you tell me what these things are doing under your bed right now!"	Of course, I did not take her seriously but I wondered why she said such a thing. Her father was a fine man I knew for many years and I could not imagine he would do anything awful, so I went to look for what provoked Katie's imagination. My own mind wandered to shadows and spiders. Rodents were a possibility I winced at. I paused my movie - Lilo and Stitch - took a kitchen knife from the counter and flipped every light switch I found making my way to the stairs where there were no more lights. It was too dark to see. I don't really want to run into anything, I thought. I probably won't though. Disregarding my aversion to darkness I started down the stairs. They were marble and did not creak, but each step I took seemed loud though it was just my socks brushing against the stone. Halfway down, my phone got a notification which made me jump slightly. It was Katie's dad texting me, "don't go in the basement by the way" Does he know I'm here? I thought. I awaited the next text he typed but my phone suddenly died and I was left lightless. I felt strange and hurried back up the stairs to the TV-couch setup outside Katie's room, turning off lights on my way since seeing something in the night would frighten me more than not seeing it if it was to be there anyway. I lay on the couch, draped a blanket over myself and turned on the film. Stitch appeared in the next cut and my grip on the knife tightened. Then I realized I was still holding the knife. Excessively tight.
[WP] As a babysitter you are putting a young girl to bed. She says "Don't worry. There aren't any monsters in the closest. Daddy keeps them all locked up in the basement."	Story time was over. All that was left was to tuck Ella in and then I could spend the rest of the night binge watching 'Parks and Rec' on the downstairs TV. After I checked for monsters, of course. That was part of my schtick, checking the closet and under the bed for monsters. The kids loved it. The parents were okay with, I assume, since none of them ever asked me not to. But when I went to pull the closet door open to show Ella there were no monsters in the closet, she stopped me. "Don't worry. There aren't any monsters in there. Daddy keeps them all locked up in the basement, but I'm not allowed down there." I have to admit, that threw me off a little. But I'm good at what I do, so I played along. "Alright, no monsters in the closet. But what about under the bed?" "Nuh-uh. No monsters under there either," Ella shook her head dramatically. The same way a lot of kids will do when you catch them with chocolate on their face and ask if they snuck a piece of candy. She was lying to me, everything in my experience told me she was. But how could she be? Monsters weren't real. I sat on the foot of the bed and gave Ella a stern look. "Ella, is there something under the bed you aren't supposed to have?" She looked down at the blanket and shook her head again. "Ella, sweetie, look at me," I said. "What's under the bed?" Ella thought for a minute. "A puppy?" she finally said. My heart was pounding, and I could feel the hair on the back of my neck pricking up. "That's right," a voice from under the bed agreed. I let out a strangled little scream as I pulled my feet up on the bed. "Just a harmless little puppy. No monsters at all." The voice was dry and papery, and it put me in mind of nothing so much as dead leaves blowing through a cemetery. "You idiot," gurgled a second voice. This one sounded like someone talking through a throat filled with rotting seaweed. "Puppies don't talk. Now she'll never believe you." "Not a puppy, then," the first voice rustled. "I was only kidding. We're, uh... we're..." "Pheasants!" the second voice gurgled triumphantly. "No, wait, that's not it either." "Ella? What's happening? What's under the bed?" I whispered. I was terrified. Ella, on the other hand, only looked exasperated. "You guys," she called out, "come on out. She knows you're down there now." I gaped at Ella, then at the shape that was crawling out from beneath the bed. The arms were first, long, impossibly thin with too many joints, little more than grey leathery skin stretched over bone. Then the ram's skull head with long, sharp teeth. The rest was covered by a tattered black robe. The thing loomed sheepishly next to the bed. "That's Nabowaoch," said Ella. "He eats your toes if you sleep with your feet sticking out of the blanket." I've heard that tone before from a hundred different kids telling me about a hundred different cartoon characters. "And the one behind you is Morleirch. She drowns people when they swim near sunken ships." "Nice to meet you," it gurgled, not unpleasantly. It looked like a tangled mass of seaweed and ropes in a roughly human shape. There was another one behind it, an impossibly tall humanoid creature in a black suit and top hat with long, dripping tentacles where the hands should be and a giant, unblinking eye for a head. "That's Mr. Zerzach," Ella giggled. "He's a big silly." I was regaining my composure. Despite the unspeakable horrors surrounding Ella and me, I was the babysitter. It was after bedtime. I was the adult. My control of the situation had slipped, but it was time to get it back. I took a deep breath. "Ella Van Helsing, you tell me what these things are doing under your bed right now!"	I broke into a cold sweat when I heard those words leave her mouth. Jane's parents went on vacation to Miami for the weekend, and they left me in charge of her. It was going well until this happened. I tried to shake it off and just leave the room, but I couldn't sit for more than five minutes before becoming too curious. I made my way down to the basement. It still took me some time to work up the courage to open up the door to the spare room. What could be down there? Perhaps there were classic, Monsters Inc. monsters down there. Maybe there were demons that were captured by Jane's father, the demon hunter. Maybe there was nothing down there but Jane's imaginary friends. When I finally opened the door, I found something far worse. There were dozens of women, all tied to chairs with their mouths duct taped shut. Most of them were unconscious, but when I walked in, many of them woke up and looked it me with dead eyes. It was clear they didn't want to live. I saw a bowl of food next to every girl's chair. It looked like he put something cheap in there and forced them to eat it. Their legs were bound to the chairs, and the chairs were attached to the floor. A few of their eyes got wide and looked behind me. I prepared myself for the worst and turned around. "Hello, Maria." Jane's father said to me with an evil smile.
[WP] As a babysitter you are putting a young girl to bed. She says "Don't worry. There aren't any monsters in the closest. Daddy keeps them all locked up in the basement."	It's the look in her eyes that convinces me. Kids lie. They lie all the time. Poorly mostly. About stupid shit like stealing gum or kicking their sister. But Sally it telling the truth. Her tiny little eyes glass over. The tone of her voice wavers. And her skin blanches an almost unnatural white. "What do you mean there's monsters in the basement, silly goose?" I inquire lightly. "They live there. Sometimes there's banging at night. Or moaning. Daddy says I shouldn't worry. He says they can't leave the basement," She nods firmly. Then shrugs her shoulders and adds. "He also said I can't go down there. That they'll eat me if I go." "Honey, that's just a story your dad is making up. There no such thing as monsters," I say right as a loud thud reverberates throughout the house. MY heart sinks. Surely this can't be that cliche of a horror movie. Shit, ok, quick, think. What would an idiot do in a horror movie? They'd head for the noise. I shouldn't head for the noise. I glance down at Sally. She's pulled the blanket up to her chin and is shaking with fear. Shit. Looks like I'm heading for the noise. I turn the corner into the kitchen. Another loud bang echos through the house. This time I hear deep visceral groans. They sound far away. And pained. Or maybe angry. It's tough reading groans. The door is in front of me. I turn it lightly when I suddenly realize that I, myself, have never been into the basement either. Mr. Anderson said it was off limits. The entryway is dark. The light from the kitchen casts downward so I see my shadow with every soft step I place onto the stairs. I glance around for a switch but there are none to be found. So I pull out my phone and whisper, "Lumos." The flashlight feature illuminates my way. And acting like a wizard from Harry Potter somehow gives me a small amount of bravery. There's a clear clanging now. Pipes. Pipes. Pipes. Please for the love of God, be pipes. I scan the room with my flashlight, trying to pin point the noise. The basement isn't anything special. Boxes. Storage stuff. Really exactly what I'd expected it to look like. I'm about ready to give up with a piercing moan comes from the corner. Followed my more metallic thuds. I slowly maneuver past a few boxes, knowing that if this were a horror movie my time is limited. Hoping that it's a HArry Potter movie and I'll meet a magical elf instead of a monster. I hold my breath and look. There's a girl. No older than I. She's wearing ratty clothes and covered in dirt. Her arms are chained to a makeshift metal bar sticking out of the cement wall. She's gagged. Without thinking I rush to her. I pull down her gag and she begins sobbing. Her cries are so thick it takes a minute to understand what she's saying. Then I hear it. And it still doesn't make sense. "Please," She pleads. "I'm Sally's babysitter and I need you to call 911." "But. Wait. I'm Sally's..." I stop my sentence. I understand. I pull my phone to my face as the girl starts screaming that he's behind me. There's a sharp pain against my head. I black out instantly.	I broke into a cold sweat when I heard those words leave her mouth. Jane's parents went on vacation to Miami for the weekend, and they left me in charge of her. It was going well until this happened. I tried to shake it off and just leave the room, but I couldn't sit for more than five minutes before becoming too curious. I made my way down to the basement. It still took me some time to work up the courage to open up the door to the spare room. What could be down there? Perhaps there were classic, Monsters Inc. monsters down there. Maybe there were demons that were captured by Jane's father, the demon hunter. Maybe there was nothing down there but Jane's imaginary friends. When I finally opened the door, I found something far worse. There were dozens of women, all tied to chairs with their mouths duct taped shut. Most of them were unconscious, but when I walked in, many of them woke up and looked it me with dead eyes. It was clear they didn't want to live. I saw a bowl of food next to every girl's chair. It looked like he put something cheap in there and forced them to eat it. Their legs were bound to the chairs, and the chairs were attached to the floor. A few of their eyes got wide and looked behind me. I prepared myself for the worst and turned around. "Hello, Maria." Jane's father said to me with an evil smile.
[WP] After the apocalypse, you run a small food stand feeding survivors whatever you can make out of old rations, dead rodents, and hardy weeds. One day, Gordon Ramsay shows up.	The sun beat down on the roadside. Once a city, the weeds kept breaking through, and drying up just as soon. Among the ruins, though, a few houses held up their roofs, even if the same couldn’t be said for their walls, so the place still had its residents. Not many, but enough to have a name. It hadn’t been quite so seafront in the city center before, but, cut off from the mainland and half-submerged, Atlantis fit well, and the various signs barely had to be changed—just a ‘c’ to an ‘s’. A gambling city, well, the Atlantic ocean didn’t care much for the house always winning. Still, in a strange sort of way, everything turned out well enough. That enough people survived to make some kind of society kept amazing me. Folk traveling across the place had even said our little community was far from rare. So, great stuff, the world (for humankind) hadn’t ended. Not much news came from inland, though. Crops dead, and so little rain the weeds struggled, and even rats had become scarce—that all made it hard to live anywhere but by the sea. Fish, seaweed, and whatever could be scavenged from old supermarkets was what we had to live on. I cared particularly about the food, because I’d sort of drifted into the role of cook for quite a chunk of the ‘neighborhood’. It wasn’t that I had experience from before, or that I enjoyed it, but more like it felt good to be useful. I didn’t mind skinning a rat and taking out the bones, when I knew someone would eat it and be grateful for it. Purpose, I had purpose, unlike before. Wiping my brow, I leaned forward to peer up at the sky, though, as always, no clouds flitted across. The grill burned hot, but I’d gotten used to the heat. Just had to keep drinking. Lunch nearing, I put the last of the (tiny) steaks to sear, and used a water bottle I’d repurposed to time a minute. A figure rounded the corner, onto the street. He looked around for a bit, before walking my way. “Won’t be long, just a couple of minutes,” I said as he neared. Looking him over, though, a strange familiarity tingled. “New around here?” I asked, unable to place him. “Yes, looking for somewhere,” he said, short and sharp, but tired. The accent surprised me too, very British considering we were in (what was) America. Just a few paces between us, the age in his face became apparent, all wrinkled, and leathery from the sun. His gray hair had streaks of brown. Stopping in front of the old hot dog stand I’d turned into a portable grill, he checked out the menu. “Flame-grilled rat? Dried seaweed salad? No fish?” “I usually get fish in for dinnertime.” He nodded, still looking at the meager setup I had. The trickle of sand running out, I flipped the steaks, and the bottle, counting down another minute. “Hungry?” “I couldn’t,” he said. “Don’t worry, we’ve not got much, but there’s enough to share.” He didn’t make an easy decision, but his hollow cheeks spoke more about his hunger than the delay in his answer. “Go on then. Steak, rare, if you would.” “Coming right up,” I cheerily replied, stooping down to get what passed for a clean plate and cutlery. “So, you said you were looking for somewhere?” “Yeah, I am,” he said, and his tone had become a little softer. “D’you live around here?” “Yup, right here,” I said, pointing my thumb at the building behind us. “Keeps the night warm, at least.” He nodded. “Know any waiters, or chefs? Local ones.” I mulled it over. “Not for certain. Lots of people, and most don’t talk about before. Seeing how many restaurants were here, probably a couple at least, but I couldn’t tell you who.” “Right, thanks.” Chuckling, I slid a steak onto his plate. “No point thanking me for being of no help whatsoever.” “Right,” he said and, taking the plate, added, “thanks.” “You’re welcome.” He pretty much had to saw through it, the meat tough. Even with only a minute both sides, the meat had no pink in the middle, but I’d never been sure how safe rare rat was. If he minded, he didn’t show it. Popping a piece in his mouth, he chewed it for a bit, and swallowed. A sort of calm overcame him then, and he spoke in a strangely different way, a rather neutral tone laden with hints of compliments. “It’s not terrible. A good cut, not much sinew. Cooked as well as you can cook a rat. A little too charred I would say. Height from the flame really makes a difference when flame-grilling.” I blinked, and the earlier familiarity reverberated through me once more. Cutting off another piece, he continued. “It’s a gamy meat, so I’d suggest steaming it to loosen it up. Stews are very good too. Otherwise, try indirect heating, and only char it at the end. If you can, salt it and leave it overnight, that’ll help soften it up too.” He picked up one of the dried seaweed sticks, and tried that as well. “Good balance of salt. Nice and crunchy. Simple, but good. If you can get some, pepper works well too, but, really, this is about as good as it gets.” “Oh, uh, thanks,” I said, blushing a touch. “I’ll keep in mind what you said about the steak, too.” My reply broke him from his culinary trance, and the weariness weighed him down once more. “Oh. Sorry. Got carried away there.” “No, no, I’m really grateful. I don’t get much critique out here, so it’s good to know how I can be doing better, since I’m not really trained for this.” He took a moment, and in that time he lost some of the weight, gaining a touch of a wry smile. “How do you do your fish?” “Badly, I imagine,” I replied, chuckling. “Gut it, take the bones out, put it over the fire for a bit—basically how I cook rat.” He nodded along, and winced. “Right, well, I’m going to be here anyway, so I’ll to show you how to cook fish. Understand?” “Yes, chef,” I said, saluting him. For a moment, he was lost to the world, eyes glazed, and then he returned. “Yes yes, that’s what I like to hear.”	>This is my first actual story I've posted here, so feedback is welcome. "What the FUCK do you call that? Is that a fucking rat? This place needs to get fucking shut down. That is unhygienic. You're a fucking idiot. You're going to kill people faster with this food than the apocalypse did! Here, taste this." I decided to do what he was saying so I took one bite and understood what he was saying. I could feel myself blacking out as the world got darker around me. "See what I fucking mean? It's even made you faint! Get this place cleaned up fucking now!" In hindsight, that criticism was probably needed.
[WP] After discovering you have a plethora of special abilities, ranging from control over electricity to breathing underwater, the FBI captures you for experiments. However, you only let them capture you, and frequently enjoy messing with the staff when they actually try to experiment on you.	"Hey guys! It's good to see you again." I smile brightly as my usual team of experimenters walk in. I know everything about them, obviously, more than they think I do. The benefits of being able to read minds really are staggering. "Hey, Ace." They're tired, but they smile back and greet me. Then again, wouldn't you be? Working endlessly to design new experiments for someone so much more overpowered than you that she can snap her fingers and end your life is taxing work, after all. Dr. Stacy, a team member I've grown rather fond of, speaks as she sets up "Are we going to get authentic results today, or are you going to fuck with us again?" I rise up from the bed I've been given, easily snapping the restraints they'd put me in. 67% iron, 30% steel, and 3% mixed metals, primarily titanium and platinum. The collection of FBI scientists and special agents can't help but laugh as I smirk at them, because we all knew when they put these on me that they wouldn't work. Agent Andrew steps up to me, holding a set of electrodes and a small monitor. Ah alright, so we were going to monitor brain activity then. Perhaps I'd switch to a cats mindset today, I don't think I've done that before. I had to admit, though, that FBI technology had gotten progressively better over the millennia. They'd been experimenting on me since before this team's great grandparents were born, but of course, I changed my appearance every few decades, so I didn't expect them to know this. My musing was intercepted when Katya spoke. Russian-born Katya, moved to the states after training to fight in Chechnya, and enlisted in the FBI. She was an enigma, to everyone except me of course."Ace, we'd like to do some physical tests today. Can you cooperate, please?" I smiled impishly as I quipped "Do I ever not?" The team hadn't gone home for three days, and I felt bad for them, honestly. Perhaps I could cheer them up before we began. In the blink of an eye, I was back with their favourite snacks and coffee for everyone. The team couldn't help but like me, really. Not that I'd compelled them or anything, though I could, they just liked me as is, which was pretty great. I'd met superman, the flash, the hulk, and a plethora of other superheroes and beat them, in friendly jousts obviously, because I had nothing against them, so I didn't really know what the FBI thought they could do, but I was bored, so maybe I'd let them see a small glimpse of my power to obsess over for a while. I'd been running a treadmill at an impossible speed (for humans) while dodging virtual hostiles for what was, by my estimate, 3 hours, 57 minutes, and 12 seconds, now 13, now 14, when I heard my phone ring out a favourite song 4 floors down, in the third room on the left. They'd really kept my phone in the room for potentially radioactive evidence? It was just a cell phone, after all. The alarm was meant to remind me, I had a date! I was superhuman, yeah, but I forgot sometimes too, after all. I short circuited the controls with a wave of my hand, shutting off the rendered assassins which had been about as troublesome as gnats. Next, I drove my feet down, stopping the treadmill going about 140 km/h. I did overestimate the force required though, and ended up snapping it in half. Oops. With a quick flip, I was on the (albeit slightly cracked) ground again. I honed in on my stuff, calling it to me, and, with a quick wave to the team observing me from the room above, I disappeared, leaving behind a lingering echo: "Same time next week?" ---------------------------------------------------------- Criticism and comments are much appreciated, this is the first time I'm responding to a WP! Also I was typing in app, so sorry for formatting errors EDIT: typos	"Sir, we know how magic works in this reality and this isn't it. Look at these 'robes', read the texts. No spell I've ever heard of requires a minimum cup size. This isn't Investigation, it's Caligula goes to Hogwarts." Amy fumed, offended to the bone. by the "mystic protocols"' the Subject had laid out as a precondition for the interview. "Yep," the chief replied. "It's all bullshit. You know it, I know it, he knows it. But he thinks it's important bullshit, a sign of respect from the Old Days. He's agreed to answer all out questions, as long as no one insults him. Look at the ceremony and the T/A as insurance against putting a foot wrong." Amy shrugged. "Fine, but In talking to HR after this." "Yep." The interview went on for several hours, with Amy trying very hard to bottle both her fear and her increasing rage at the Subject's positively Paleolithic views on people in general and women in specific. At the end, she contemplated the wonders and the horrors he had shared with her, and wrote a single word in the file before closing it. "You have broken the terms of our compact." "Wha ... I" Amy's protestations faded into a chalky gurgle as the soft tissues of her lungs turned to sheets of brittle silica which shattered messily as she tried to breathe. The Subject stalked from the chamber and began the climb to the surface, dispatching each round of guards in increasingly horrible fashion. As he emerged into the sunlight, the entire inverted-pyramid collapsed in on itself, leaving behind a giant triangular hole with a lake of steel at the bottom. "Euclid my hairy white ass." he snarled.
[WP] After discovering you have a plethora of special abilities, ranging from control over electricity to breathing underwater, the FBI captures you for experiments. However, you only let them capture you, and frequently enjoy messing with the staff when they actually try to experiment on you.	"Hey guys! It's good to see you again." I smile brightly as my usual team of experimenters walk in. I know everything about them, obviously, more than they think I do. The benefits of being able to read minds really are staggering. "Hey, Ace." They're tired, but they smile back and greet me. Then again, wouldn't you be? Working endlessly to design new experiments for someone so much more overpowered than you that she can snap her fingers and end your life is taxing work, after all. Dr. Stacy, a team member I've grown rather fond of, speaks as she sets up "Are we going to get authentic results today, or are you going to fuck with us again?" I rise up from the bed I've been given, easily snapping the restraints they'd put me in. 67% iron, 30% steel, and 3% mixed metals, primarily titanium and platinum. The collection of FBI scientists and special agents can't help but laugh as I smirk at them, because we all knew when they put these on me that they wouldn't work. Agent Andrew steps up to me, holding a set of electrodes and a small monitor. Ah alright, so we were going to monitor brain activity then. Perhaps I'd switch to a cats mindset today, I don't think I've done that before. I had to admit, though, that FBI technology had gotten progressively better over the millennia. They'd been experimenting on me since before this team's great grandparents were born, but of course, I changed my appearance every few decades, so I didn't expect them to know this. My musing was intercepted when Katya spoke. Russian-born Katya, moved to the states after training to fight in Chechnya, and enlisted in the FBI. She was an enigma, to everyone except me of course."Ace, we'd like to do some physical tests today. Can you cooperate, please?" I smiled impishly as I quipped "Do I ever not?" The team hadn't gone home for three days, and I felt bad for them, honestly. Perhaps I could cheer them up before we began. In the blink of an eye, I was back with their favourite snacks and coffee for everyone. The team couldn't help but like me, really. Not that I'd compelled them or anything, though I could, they just liked me as is, which was pretty great. I'd met superman, the flash, the hulk, and a plethora of other superheroes and beat them, in friendly jousts obviously, because I had nothing against them, so I didn't really know what the FBI thought they could do, but I was bored, so maybe I'd let them see a small glimpse of my power to obsess over for a while. I'd been running a treadmill at an impossible speed (for humans) while dodging virtual hostiles for what was, by my estimate, 3 hours, 57 minutes, and 12 seconds, now 13, now 14, when I heard my phone ring out a favourite song 4 floors down, in the third room on the left. They'd really kept my phone in the room for potentially radioactive evidence? It was just a cell phone, after all. The alarm was meant to remind me, I had a date! I was superhuman, yeah, but I forgot sometimes too, after all. I short circuited the controls with a wave of my hand, shutting off the rendered assassins which had been about as troublesome as gnats. Next, I drove my feet down, stopping the treadmill going about 140 km/h. I did overestimate the force required though, and ended up snapping it in half. Oops. With a quick flip, I was on the (albeit slightly cracked) ground again. I honed in on my stuff, calling it to me, and, with a quick wave to the team observing me from the room above, I disappeared, leaving behind a lingering echo: "Same time next week?" ---------------------------------------------------------- Criticism and comments are much appreciated, this is the first time I'm responding to a WP! Also I was typing in app, so sorry for formatting errors EDIT: typos	{powers changed} I realized I could go intangible pretty early on, so, like, why not? Right? Figured I'd learned all I could about me; why not let the Fedderalies take a crack at it. It wasn't a complete waste of time. I mean, I thought I must be super lucky, like, one of the cosmic heroes, maybe? Oh, you know: a Silver Surfer not a Daredevil. The first room they put me in was just lead. Thick and concrete sandwiched but the soft gray stuff. The same element I literally danced through my first night my powers manifest: during a show I, like, became the bass. Wubba wubwub. So. I basically led them to me. Only flung a few cars around, buckled the asphalt a bit but I went quietly. Chilled out. Let 'em do their thing. X-ray, MRI, CAT, you name it. They took hair, stool, blood, tissue, marrow and bone. Those last two hurt like hell but I let 'em. I could hear them, see? Not daring to discus me electronically the whole lot of alphabet agencies who eventually got involved met and confabbed in a situation room. A situation room on site I could hear into just as easily as you look through a telescope. Mm? oh no. Not all at the same time. See, I have to match the vibrational amplitude of the room with my body, once I harmonize to a room I can hear everything that's in it as if I was there. Turns out, all my powers are basically vibration based. Harmonics. Tesla screwed around with it a bit but for the most part vibration is a side effect or waste energy of another system. Turns out, they had to develop a whole new math and universal field theory just for me. Anyway. That first week was preliminary, really. I mean, that's how I saw it. To them it was all Red Alert, quarantine! and radiation suits. For perspective, though, that was right after Subatomic Teenage Meltdown dumped me. What? Nanogirl?! Oh jeeze, well, that's better I guess. But yeah she split, I spent a week depressed and accidentally created a...whattya callem, Black Valley? Not as potent as a black hole but similar in effect. Brown Pit? No no...that sounds wrong. Sorry- so the new valley in upstate new York drew 'em in, they spent a week making sure I wasn't gonna compress their entire compound into a marble (remember at that point they thought I might be manipulating mass itself) or something. So. Room one, basically a bank vault. I rattled its door off the hinges when one of the generals forgot himself and tried to punish me for some perceived slight. Oh, heck, why not: called him a goose stepping narcissistic self loather. I heard him when he thought he was alone with another man, in a goddam closet if you can believe it. I know, I know, it's not cool to Out people but he's a public figure popular for his homophobia so fuck him. Second room was more fancy and they had been creating it since before I arrived. It was 'soft', not 'hard'. Aggregate medium, foam and rubber on all interior surfaces. Apparently someone had a near accurate profile of my abilities and I was scared for a few hours. But eventually I figured out how to tap out a frequency that matched the place and was back to feeling like an old school operator in at a switch board. This was the room where I learned my power was one unified ability and not a mishmash of others. I was in this room for a month. My tantrum at the General had earned me tighter security but more freedoms. Cable, video games, a few pets and occasional walks outside. Easier to keep me happy; impossible to study when sedated as I had to be conscious to use my powers. So, at this point the egg heads and military factions were deadlocked with the politicians over More Tests, Vivisection or immediate military deployment. Here's where I played my hand and simply left one night. I hid in the earth's crust. Yes for a week. I think when I'm in my hypervibrational state I don't need food or water like normal. Maybe it just absorbs directly through my skin like Dr. Perkins suggested. But eventually I went back. But on my terms, as a guest. They took their bone shard at the same time as the marrow. Ouchie.
[WP] After discovering you have a plethora of special abilities, ranging from control over electricity to breathing underwater, the FBI captures you for experiments. However, you only let them capture you, and frequently enjoy messing with the staff when they actually try to experiment on you.	"Good morning, John," It was the research assistant this time, and she was looking stern. Her boss had found it funny at first but by now was quite irritated. I was happy to see the frustration had trickled down to the rest of the staff. "How are you feeling?" "Well," I said, and she tried to write down my response, but the ball of the pen cracked and fell out, so all there was on the page was a scratch of smeared ink. "I see you are still being uncooperative. You should know we do not need your consent, but things will be much easier if you do." I made the lights flicker right after she said 'consent' to shake her confidence. I heard in the tone of her voice that it worked. She pulled a digital recorder from her lab coat pocket and began to speak into it "subject reports feeling..." she stopped because the device was not recording, but playing back a previous recording. She gave me a cross look then turned to the one way mirror behind her to show her frustration to her colleagues. Suddenly I could hear the sound of five or six phones ringing over the intercom, and the voice of a very upset lead researched shouting "How many times do I need to remind you all to turn you're phones off?" I imagine he realized then that the whole building was hearing him and his staff's phones. My examination had only begun two minutes ago and already it was clear that today was going to be a very long day for my captors.	It's my third year since I was hired by the Discovery Association. A low-profile, but not secret, government organization that studies unknown biological phenomena. Most of the senior officers have experience working with the drug studies, MK Ultra, in the fifties. Another quiet series of experiments the US government carried out. I wonder if my situation will be conspiracy fodder fifty years from now. I just recently got visiting privileges with my family. I think something about seeing my family again, just a couple months ago, lit a flame in me. It was emotional, of course, seeing my mother again. She cried, but composed herself; my father was a blubbering mess. He didn't get to say much on the first visit, but the second one he took much more seriously. Asked about how my job is going, offered to take more pictures, asked the staff if he could bring his guitar. He would use his guitar to tell bedtime stories to my sister and I. Said it'd been too long since he got me caught up on the adventures of the three timid mice. They left that second meeting teary-eyed, their last visit for the month. At that time I thought it was just twice a month, and that maybe we'd get more time as we go on. Now I realize they use the most bruising techniques on the day after my parents leave, giving me two weeks to heal; considerate. Which bureaucratic goon thought up that carefully coordinated plan? Taking the job with the government was the best idea I'd ever had. With parents who did not have any of my mutations, skills, with classmates that fear and a church that rejects. I know my brain is abnormal, or at least that's what I'd always assumed. but I know I'm human. how could I be inhuman if I feel so deeply? What is inhuman about narcissism that results from isolation? Or is it a question of consciousness; perhaps there are other creatures in the universe with comparable intelligence, who also feels this. By the time I was fourteen, I was inhuman. I had abandoned the label because it served no purpose. A label describes the subject to someone else, so what's the use in using a label people don't understand? Your labels aren't about yourself; they are about others. But it had an effect on me. Being inhuman meant I used them; meant that I could detach myself from my peers and play with them, take delight in the rush of power. Getting with the government helped squash that idea. Made me feel, not exactly human, but less. Not sure if that is better or worse than feeling like more. I am leaving my fourth visit with my parents, now, and I can feel it. Something about seeing my parents in person; people I never trusted, people who I don't respect, people with no power over me. As I walk across the building to my next appointment I brace myself. The doctor has his hands pressed into my thighs, clinical, squeezing muscles and feeling tendons. Looking at them like a specimen. "Any extra organs?" I ask, and his cheap shampoo wafts in my face as he stands up straight and takes the tablet out from under his arm. He keeps his eyes on his work. "Same ole, same ole," he says, clearly tapping through various screens with my information autofilled in. "You have a procedure scheduled for 3:30, but if you wanna get it over with now, we can," he says, gesturing to his tools on the counter. This is so...easy. Predictable. "Do you have time? That'd simplify things," I smile at him. "Of course," he responds, finishing up with the tablet and setting it down. "Anesthesia?" He offered. "Oh! they found out something about that?" I ask. "No, not yet, but we could use another test," he said, flatly. I didn't say anything, watched him disinfect a circle on my left thigh. "Plus it's nice to have the option," he murmured. "I think I'll be fine without it," I said, "just a pinch, right?" He gave me a polite smile for that one, and reached for his most precise scalpel. I smirked, couldn't help myself, but he wasn't looking at my face. He stretched my skin with a gloved hand, lowered the blade, and I waited until he broke the skin to melt the fingertips of the gloves. I watched the realization register on his face and took that as my opportunity to strike. I quickly redistributed the heat to the rest of his glove, sticking it to my skin. "Damnit," he said, quickly pulling his hand out of the glove and reaching for a bandage. I congealed the blood on my leg before he could bring the cloth to my wound. Then I hopped up. "Actually, i'll just wait until three-thirty," I said, picking up my bag. "Things to do, people to see," and I reached for the doorknob. "Not enough hours in the day, right Doc?" I said, a pale green glove hanging from my leg, centimeters from my scabbed wound. I turned to strut down the hall. This could be fun.
[WP] After discovering you have a plethora of special abilities, ranging from control over electricity to breathing underwater, the FBI captures you for experiments. However, you only let them capture you, and frequently enjoy messing with the staff when they actually try to experiment on you.	"Hey guys! It's good to see you again." I smile brightly as my usual team of experimenters walk in. I know everything about them, obviously, more than they think I do. The benefits of being able to read minds really are staggering. "Hey, Ace." They're tired, but they smile back and greet me. Then again, wouldn't you be? Working endlessly to design new experiments for someone so much more overpowered than you that she can snap her fingers and end your life is taxing work, after all. Dr. Stacy, a team member I've grown rather fond of, speaks as she sets up "Are we going to get authentic results today, or are you going to fuck with us again?" I rise up from the bed I've been given, easily snapping the restraints they'd put me in. 67% iron, 30% steel, and 3% mixed metals, primarily titanium and platinum. The collection of FBI scientists and special agents can't help but laugh as I smirk at them, because we all knew when they put these on me that they wouldn't work. Agent Andrew steps up to me, holding a set of electrodes and a small monitor. Ah alright, so we were going to monitor brain activity then. Perhaps I'd switch to a cats mindset today, I don't think I've done that before. I had to admit, though, that FBI technology had gotten progressively better over the millennia. They'd been experimenting on me since before this team's great grandparents were born, but of course, I changed my appearance every few decades, so I didn't expect them to know this. My musing was intercepted when Katya spoke. Russian-born Katya, moved to the states after training to fight in Chechnya, and enlisted in the FBI. She was an enigma, to everyone except me of course."Ace, we'd like to do some physical tests today. Can you cooperate, please?" I smiled impishly as I quipped "Do I ever not?" The team hadn't gone home for three days, and I felt bad for them, honestly. Perhaps I could cheer them up before we began. In the blink of an eye, I was back with their favourite snacks and coffee for everyone. The team couldn't help but like me, really. Not that I'd compelled them or anything, though I could, they just liked me as is, which was pretty great. I'd met superman, the flash, the hulk, and a plethora of other superheroes and beat them, in friendly jousts obviously, because I had nothing against them, so I didn't really know what the FBI thought they could do, but I was bored, so maybe I'd let them see a small glimpse of my power to obsess over for a while. I'd been running a treadmill at an impossible speed (for humans) while dodging virtual hostiles for what was, by my estimate, 3 hours, 57 minutes, and 12 seconds, now 13, now 14, when I heard my phone ring out a favourite song 4 floors down, in the third room on the left. They'd really kept my phone in the room for potentially radioactive evidence? It was just a cell phone, after all. The alarm was meant to remind me, I had a date! I was superhuman, yeah, but I forgot sometimes too, after all. I short circuited the controls with a wave of my hand, shutting off the rendered assassins which had been about as troublesome as gnats. Next, I drove my feet down, stopping the treadmill going about 140 km/h. I did overestimate the force required though, and ended up snapping it in half. Oops. With a quick flip, I was on the (albeit slightly cracked) ground again. I honed in on my stuff, calling it to me, and, with a quick wave to the team observing me from the room above, I disappeared, leaving behind a lingering echo: "Same time next week?" ---------------------------------------------------------- Criticism and comments are much appreciated, this is the first time I'm responding to a WP! Also I was typing in app, so sorry for formatting errors EDIT: typos	It's my third year since I was hired by the Discovery Association. A low-profile, but not secret, government organization that studies unknown biological phenomena. Most of the senior officers have experience working with the drug studies, MK Ultra, in the fifties. Another quiet series of experiments the US government carried out. I wonder if my situation will be conspiracy fodder fifty years from now. I just recently got visiting privileges with my family. I think something about seeing my family again, just a couple months ago, lit a flame in me. It was emotional, of course, seeing my mother again. She cried, but composed herself; my father was a blubbering mess. He didn't get to say much on the first visit, but the second one he took much more seriously. Asked about how my job is going, offered to take more pictures, asked the staff if he could bring his guitar. He would use his guitar to tell bedtime stories to my sister and I. Said it'd been too long since he got me caught up on the adventures of the three timid mice. They left that second meeting teary-eyed, their last visit for the month. At that time I thought it was just twice a month, and that maybe we'd get more time as we go on. Now I realize they use the most bruising techniques on the day after my parents leave, giving me two weeks to heal; considerate. Which bureaucratic goon thought up that carefully coordinated plan? Taking the job with the government was the best idea I'd ever had. With parents who did not have any of my mutations, skills, with classmates that fear and a church that rejects. I know my brain is abnormal, or at least that's what I'd always assumed. but I know I'm human. how could I be inhuman if I feel so deeply? What is inhuman about narcissism that results from isolation? Or is it a question of consciousness; perhaps there are other creatures in the universe with comparable intelligence, who also feels this. By the time I was fourteen, I was inhuman. I had abandoned the label because it served no purpose. A label describes the subject to someone else, so what's the use in using a label people don't understand? Your labels aren't about yourself; they are about others. But it had an effect on me. Being inhuman meant I used them; meant that I could detach myself from my peers and play with them, take delight in the rush of power. Getting with the government helped squash that idea. Made me feel, not exactly human, but less. Not sure if that is better or worse than feeling like more. I am leaving my fourth visit with my parents, now, and I can feel it. Something about seeing my parents in person; people I never trusted, people who I don't respect, people with no power over me. As I walk across the building to my next appointment I brace myself. The doctor has his hands pressed into my thighs, clinical, squeezing muscles and feeling tendons. Looking at them like a specimen. "Any extra organs?" I ask, and his cheap shampoo wafts in my face as he stands up straight and takes the tablet out from under his arm. He keeps his eyes on his work. "Same ole, same ole," he says, clearly tapping through various screens with my information autofilled in. "You have a procedure scheduled for 3:30, but if you wanna get it over with now, we can," he says, gesturing to his tools on the counter. This is so...easy. Predictable. "Do you have time? That'd simplify things," I smile at him. "Of course," he responds, finishing up with the tablet and setting it down. "Anesthesia?" He offered. "Oh! they found out something about that?" I ask. "No, not yet, but we could use another test," he said, flatly. I didn't say anything, watched him disinfect a circle on my left thigh. "Plus it's nice to have the option," he murmured. "I think I'll be fine without it," I said, "just a pinch, right?" He gave me a polite smile for that one, and reached for his most precise scalpel. I smirked, couldn't help myself, but he wasn't looking at my face. He stretched my skin with a gloved hand, lowered the blade, and I waited until he broke the skin to melt the fingertips of the gloves. I watched the realization register on his face and took that as my opportunity to strike. I quickly redistributed the heat to the rest of his glove, sticking it to my skin. "Damnit," he said, quickly pulling his hand out of the glove and reaching for a bandage. I congealed the blood on my leg before he could bring the cloth to my wound. Then I hopped up. "Actually, i'll just wait until three-thirty," I said, picking up my bag. "Things to do, people to see," and I reached for the doorknob. "Not enough hours in the day, right Doc?" I said, a pale green glove hanging from my leg, centimeters from my scabbed wound. I turned to strut down the hall. This could be fun.
[WP] After discovering you have a plethora of special abilities, ranging from control over electricity to breathing underwater, the FBI captures you for experiments. However, you only let them capture you, and frequently enjoy messing with the staff when they actually try to experiment on you.	You can do anything you want if you really put your mind to it. Hollow words, casually tossed around to encourage people to pursue their dreams, even though everyone knows that 30 year old Johnny, at 5'2", is never going to make it in pro-basketball however much he puts his damn mind to it. But what if it were true? What if you really could do anything, and I mean anything, just through mind power? Surely that would be the most amazing thing ever. Well, yes ... and no. At first I couldn't get enough of being able to do absolutely anything and everything. Laws of physics be damned, I was gonna walk though walls, swim the Mariana Trench, and turn tupperware into gold. And yet ... the downside quickly became apparent. I could do all of these things but, because I was the only one who could, it had the effect of seriously freaking people out. I couldn't share what I could do with friends if I wanted to still have friends. Despite surrounding myself with people I felt more and more alone. Soon, I stopped feeling anything much at all. So when the FBI caught me the first time it was surprisingly good. Despite some initial trepidation I soon rationalised that I had nothing to worry about and actually it was rather fun to show off for a bit. I only gave them a glimpse of my powers before teleporting out of there, although not before shaving off an inch or so off some of their desk legs so that they would be irritatingly wonky. I knew they would continue to seek me out and I even looked forward to our next encounter. When I was brought in the second time I noted with amusement the folded wedges of paper now stabilising their desks. Clearly their budgets didn't stretch to new tables for such a minor inconvenience. However, it did appear that they had the funds for more serious attempts at my restraint. It was fun watching their confusion as I turned the straitjacket and thick steel handcuffs into bees and I am only sorry that Agent Johnson got stung so badly. Soon, it became an interesting game of one-upmanship. They would bring me in and try to constrain me by increasingly heavy-handed means. In return, I would show them a little more of my power before escaping by increasingly outlandish means. A game of cat and mouse where the mouse always had the upper hand. Their feeble attempts at my capture became the highlights of my days, a chance to feel a little emotion, to truly be me. This time, something is different. The room they are holding me in is new and, I'm guessing, specially built for me. I've had my fun turning the doctor's lab coat into a two man tent and setting his clipboard on fire. The twenty eight bags of wholegrain rice that I produced from thin air are still piled up in the corner. Even the bed that they have me tied to is still gently hovering about six inches off the ground. It should be time for me to make my exit, and yet I can't. Try as I might, none of my powers will allow me to even escape the straps holding me to this bed. Outside the door I hear the faint sound of assault rifles being cocked, and then something else I can't immediately discern. A drill perhaps? For the first time in many years I feel something. Fear. -- Apparently I have a subreddit now. r/redcarpetwrites	"We're still not sure what super power he has." Harold took a sip out of his "#1 Greatest Dad" coffee cup. "All the tests either prove nothing or are inconclusive. We think he's telepathic, but it's hard to tell given all the weird things happening lately." Steve frowned slightly as he took a seat opposite Harold. "What about MRIs?" he offered. "Telepath brains tend to show abnormally high gamma wave patterns." "The machine malfunctioned while trying to get the results." We think he could be an electropath, which would explain the machine breaking, but so far that's the only incident. We can't rule out plain coincidence here." Harold stood up to refill his cup at the coffee machine on the pantry counter. He tapped at the machine, which began to spin up and noisily extrude that bitter black liquid. "Even better," continued Harold, tapping the counter impatiently, "he's proving uncooperative. The last few guys we sent to, eh, interview him.. They can't remember what happened during the interview." "Huh." Steve grunted. "Telepath and electropath? Are you sure?" "Yeah. Definitely a telepath. Heck, those guys can't even remember their own names now. He must have mind-bombed them or something." The machine finally stopped its whirring, and Harold swiped his cup off the counter. "They were supposed to run him through a battery of super-power tests. Resistance to fire, ice, drowning, super-strength. But all the records seem to have been wiped clean. Nobody knows who this guy is or why we're keeping him here. And I have to produce a report on him within the week." Harold walked up to the window, staring out beyond at the walls of the protected zone. He had never felt so helpless to his situation before. "Harold, listen." Steve got up and lay a hand on Harold's shoulder, to which Harold turned in response. "What- what are you doing?" Suddenly, Steve lay a palm on Harold's forehead. A light went out in his mind, and he slumped against the window pane. Disoriented and dazed, he could barely make out words being thrust into his head. You will tell your superiors that the test subject is a telepath, and that further tests have been inconclusive. That is all. "I... will... tell... wait, what?" Harold snapped back into consciousness. He looked up and saw Steve standing in front of him, glancing around and looking rather unsure of himself. "Wai- wha-, oh! Are you alright, sir?" Steve reached out an unsteady hand to pull Harold up. "Looks like we both could use some coffee." __________________________ I guess I should wrap this up soon. My wife's getting worried I might miss Thanksgiving, I thought to myself, as I lay strapped to the bed in my cell. _____________________ This was kinda fun. Feedback always welcome! If you like this, check out my latest stories on [/r/Script_Writes!](https://www.reddit.com/r/Script_Writes/)
[WP] After discovering you have a plethora of special abilities, ranging from control over electricity to breathing underwater, the FBI captures you for experiments. However, you only let them capture you, and frequently enjoy messing with the staff when they actually try to experiment on you.	Thomas walked past the three scientists in the room while focusing on what he called a thought projection. One of his many talents to manipulate what people saw versus what was real, and currently the chief of research and development believed he was cutting into Thomas' chest cavity aiming a scalpel with uncanny precision cutting into nothing at all actually. "Suction on the anterior here, Carol." Thomas heard Jeff say as he walked out of the room still concentrating. Thomas had watched several youtube videos about heart surgery the day before so creating a virtual representation of what the inside of his chest would look like would at least seem real. He had quite the surprise in store for them when they got in, but right now he was craving ice cream and he knew exactly where to get his favorite flavor from reading Carol's mind. She often brought a pint of Cherry Garcia and would eat it at lunch in the level eight break room where most of the lead scientists ate their lunch. Thomas did not need anyone's keycard as he turned the corner and placed his palm on the magnetic locking device. All he had to do was discharge the capacitors at the same time while passing the right voltage through the RFID module. It was usually within the 4.7ghz range meaning it would need about 1.3 to 1.5 volts. He sucked up the voltage of the caps, which tickled a bit and redirected it at 1.35 volts and the reader blinked red twice, he did it again at 1.45 volts and the reader flashed green beeping as he opened the door. Chad was in the break room and he stared at Thomas as he entered. "Fuck you doin' in here?" Chad the janitor asked him. Thomas trusted Chad because Chad had no dog in his fight against the federal government, the janitor, as far as Thomas could tell was just a family man trying to get his daughter back from a bitter ex wife. "I'm hungry. Carol told me I could have her ice cream if I cooperated today." Thomas informed the janitor who was eating the latter half of his tuna sandwich. "Yeah. Since when do you cooperate?" Chad asked him weary of whether or not to run off. "I haven't...or well I don't as you know, no need to be scared of me Chad, if I wanted to hurt you you would be dead already. In fact, I have been meaning to talk to you about your daughter. I apologize for invading your privacy but sometimes I have no control over it. Once someone knows that you can read their mind they instantly begin thinking of the dark shit they have never told anyone or problems in their life they think can't be overcome." Thomas told him reaching into the mini fridge and pulling out the ice cream. "Damn it Thomas, so you know then?" he asked Thomas putting down his sandwich. Thomas walked over to the counter and grabbed a spoon from the drawer shaking his head in the affirmative at the janitor. "The oncologist says she does not have long and my wife won't even let me visit the hospital." Chad said eyes welling up. Thomas sensed a darkness in Chad, and a deep visual fantasy on the surface of Chad's mind of murdering his ex wife. "Woh. Bud. That's a dark thought, there is no need for that, because I'm going to help you. If I recall the doctor told your wife it was the non lymph node kind of leukemia your daughter has. I've cured the lymph node kind twice before by reprogramming the white blood cells. I do not offer this decision freely though, I need your help to break out of here, my work is almost done." Thomas said digging out a chocolate cherry and savoring it. 'Prove it' Thomas heard Chad think, doubtful of what Thomas had offered him. Thomas just laughed and got up walking to the light switch in the room and turned it off the only light coming from the hallway through the window on the door. "I have read over a thousand books on the internet about gene therapy and one of my many abilities is programming cell structure to do all sorts of things. The lightning bug is able to illuminate it's surroundings by producing a chemical called luciferian, I can do the same with my white blood cells." Thomas said in the dark. A dim neon blue began flowing on Thomas' face outlining his arteries and capillaries until his entire body was glowing. The look on Chad's face was priceless. "So it's true, you are a God." Chad said in awe. "Nope, from what I understand I'm just a mutation. My brain and body is just different from everyone elses. According to documented records there are a few of us out there. Every major government knows it and they take out anyone who gets in their way to capture us, so it's important you know the risk of helping me. I cannot guarantee your safety if you decide to come with me. What I promise though is that without my help your daughter's chances of surviving are very slim. I will do my best to protect you and help with your daughter but the risk is very real." Thomas told him flicking the light switch back on. "Yes. A million times yes." Chad said without hesitation. "Okay then, follow me, we are about to laugh our asses off as Doctor Jeff and his two nurses find there is a little alien controlling my body where my heart should be. They are about to crack open my sternum, c'mon." Thomas said jokingly swelling with pride of gaining a new friend trying not to drop his ice cream as he began laughing.	"We're still not sure what super power he has." Harold took a sip out of his "#1 Greatest Dad" coffee cup. "All the tests either prove nothing or are inconclusive. We think he's telepathic, but it's hard to tell given all the weird things happening lately." Steve frowned slightly as he took a seat opposite Harold. "What about MRIs?" he offered. "Telepath brains tend to show abnormally high gamma wave patterns." "The machine malfunctioned while trying to get the results." We think he could be an electropath, which would explain the machine breaking, but so far that's the only incident. We can't rule out plain coincidence here." Harold stood up to refill his cup at the coffee machine on the pantry counter. He tapped at the machine, which began to spin up and noisily extrude that bitter black liquid. "Even better," continued Harold, tapping the counter impatiently, "he's proving uncooperative. The last few guys we sent to, eh, interview him.. They can't remember what happened during the interview." "Huh." Steve grunted. "Telepath and electropath? Are you sure?" "Yeah. Definitely a telepath. Heck, those guys can't even remember their own names now. He must have mind-bombed them or something." The machine finally stopped its whirring, and Harold swiped his cup off the counter. "They were supposed to run him through a battery of super-power tests. Resistance to fire, ice, drowning, super-strength. But all the records seem to have been wiped clean. Nobody knows who this guy is or why we're keeping him here. And I have to produce a report on him within the week." Harold walked up to the window, staring out beyond at the walls of the protected zone. He had never felt so helpless to his situation before. "Harold, listen." Steve got up and lay a hand on Harold's shoulder, to which Harold turned in response. "What- what are you doing?" Suddenly, Steve lay a palm on Harold's forehead. A light went out in his mind, and he slumped against the window pane. Disoriented and dazed, he could barely make out words being thrust into his head. You will tell your superiors that the test subject is a telepath, and that further tests have been inconclusive. That is all. "I... will... tell... wait, what?" Harold snapped back into consciousness. He looked up and saw Steve standing in front of him, glancing around and looking rather unsure of himself. "Wai- wha-, oh! Are you alright, sir?" Steve reached out an unsteady hand to pull Harold up. "Looks like we both could use some coffee." __________________________ I guess I should wrap this up soon. My wife's getting worried I might miss Thanksgiving, I thought to myself, as I lay strapped to the bed in my cell. _____________________ This was kinda fun. Feedback always welcome! If you like this, check out my latest stories on [/r/Script_Writes!](https://www.reddit.com/r/Script_Writes/)
[WP] After discovering you have a plethora of special abilities, ranging from control over electricity to breathing underwater, the FBI captures you for experiments. However, you only let them capture you, and frequently enjoy messing with the staff when they actually try to experiment on you.	You can do anything you want if you really put your mind to it. Hollow words, casually tossed around to encourage people to pursue their dreams, even though everyone knows that 30 year old Johnny, at 5'2", is never going to make it in pro-basketball however much he puts his damn mind to it. But what if it were true? What if you really could do anything, and I mean anything, just through mind power? Surely that would be the most amazing thing ever. Well, yes ... and no. At first I couldn't get enough of being able to do absolutely anything and everything. Laws of physics be damned, I was gonna walk though walls, swim the Mariana Trench, and turn tupperware into gold. And yet ... the downside quickly became apparent. I could do all of these things but, because I was the only one who could, it had the effect of seriously freaking people out. I couldn't share what I could do with friends if I wanted to still have friends. Despite surrounding myself with people I felt more and more alone. Soon, I stopped feeling anything much at all. So when the FBI caught me the first time it was surprisingly good. Despite some initial trepidation I soon rationalised that I had nothing to worry about and actually it was rather fun to show off for a bit. I only gave them a glimpse of my powers before teleporting out of there, although not before shaving off an inch or so off some of their desk legs so that they would be irritatingly wonky. I knew they would continue to seek me out and I even looked forward to our next encounter. When I was brought in the second time I noted with amusement the folded wedges of paper now stabilising their desks. Clearly their budgets didn't stretch to new tables for such a minor inconvenience. However, it did appear that they had the funds for more serious attempts at my restraint. It was fun watching their confusion as I turned the straitjacket and thick steel handcuffs into bees and I am only sorry that Agent Johnson got stung so badly. Soon, it became an interesting game of one-upmanship. They would bring me in and try to constrain me by increasingly heavy-handed means. In return, I would show them a little more of my power before escaping by increasingly outlandish means. A game of cat and mouse where the mouse always had the upper hand. Their feeble attempts at my capture became the highlights of my days, a chance to feel a little emotion, to truly be me. This time, something is different. The room they are holding me in is new and, I'm guessing, specially built for me. I've had my fun turning the doctor's lab coat into a two man tent and setting his clipboard on fire. The twenty eight bags of wholegrain rice that I produced from thin air are still piled up in the corner. Even the bed that they have me tied to is still gently hovering about six inches off the ground. It should be time for me to make my exit, and yet I can't. Try as I might, none of my powers will allow me to even escape the straps holding me to this bed. Outside the door I hear the faint sound of assault rifles being cocked, and then something else I can't immediately discern. A drill perhaps? For the first time in many years I feel something. Fear. -- Apparently I have a subreddit now. r/redcarpetwrites	”Please lie down on the bed, Mr. Blake,” said the new doctor. She was a precious little thing, barely out of the academy, with long hair in the color of motor oil, and nails in shiny crimson. Her eyes narrowed in weary concentration as she scrolled through my journal on her tablet computer. “Everything looking good on there, Doc?” “Call me Vanessa,” she said without looking up from the screen. “You don’t look like a ‘Vanessa’ to me… sure you’re not a 'Grace' or a 'Holly?'” She glared at me. “I know what you do, Crowley. How you act. I’m not some random newbie you can push around.” “Whoa whoa whoa, hold your racing steeds, what happened to ‘Mr. Blake’?” I said, feeling a grin creep up on my lips. “I liked it better when you were all formal and polite.” “And I liked it better when you were quiet. Let’s run some tests, shall we?” I held up my hands in mock surrender. This was going to be a lot more fun than I had first thought. After I had found out about my powers, I cruised from town to town robbing banks, getting blind drunk, and fooling around with every woman I could find. It’s quite disturbing how easy things get when you can fly and lift cars. However, living the good life got boring quite fast, and when I woke up in the gutter one morning in a pool of my own sick, I decided it was time to check myself in – and by that, I mean take a vacation trip to Quantico. “Careful!” I said when she reached for my arm. She flinched and looked up. Her bright gray eyes scanned my face for meaning. “Don’t burn your fingers,” I said. “Is that another new power?” “Sure, I just discovered it. Judging from your flushed cheeks and the way you’re sweating in my presence…” She rolled her eyes at me. “You’re saying that you’re hot? How unequivocally original...” “Your words, not mine.” “Okay, Mr. Blake,” Vanessa said. “Let me just take your blood pressure and listen to your pulse. I don’t feel like playing games with you.” “You’re right; playing games is childish.” I held out my arm. “Thanks for being formal again, I appreciate it!” Electricity rolled through my skin and zapped her fingertips. She gasped and pulled back her hand. “Did you feel that too?” I said. “The tension…” She scowled and started scrolling through her tablet again. She crossed her legs and leaned back in the chair. “What are you doing?” I said after a while. She shrugged, her gray eyes fixed on the screen. She licked her lips absently. “Ah, I see what this is!” I said and chuckled. “You’re not the first one here to give me the silent treatment, you know?” “I’m not,” she said. “I’m waiting.” Let’s wait then, I thought and leaned into the pillows on my bed. An hour went by. It was kind of peaceful having her there. I glanced at her face. She had a cute dimple in her left cheek and a tiny scar on her right eyebrow. I found myself liking her more than her predecessors. Despite her murderous looks and her fiery personality, she stood out from the rest. Everyone else would’ve left by now. “Hey,” I said and held out my arm. “No more shocks?” “I promise.” She nodded and strapped my arm in and started pumping. “Thank you.” “No more games,” I said. A smile danced over her lips and painted the sides of her eyes with tiny wrinkles. I don’t know what it was with her. I needed to know her. I felt like those gray eyes saw me for who I was – not just a freak to run tests on. Ever since I got my powers, I thought I’d lost my humanity. And even though she hadn’t said anything, it felt like she cared for me, like she had given me some of it back. “Same time tomorrow?” I asked as she got up. She nodded. “Same time tomorrow.” She walked across the room and opened the door. “You can call me Crowley if you want.” “Goodbye, Crowley,” she said and smiled again. “Goodbye, Vanessa.” **** Check out r/Lilwa_Dexel for more stories!
[WP] After discovering you have a plethora of special abilities, ranging from control over electricity to breathing underwater, the FBI captures you for experiments. However, you only let them capture you, and frequently enjoy messing with the staff when they actually try to experiment on you.	Thomas walked past the three scientists in the room while focusing on what he called a thought projection. One of his many talents to manipulate what people saw versus what was real, and currently the chief of research and development believed he was cutting into Thomas' chest cavity aiming a scalpel with uncanny precision cutting into nothing at all actually. "Suction on the anterior here, Carol." Thomas heard Jeff say as he walked out of the room still concentrating. Thomas had watched several youtube videos about heart surgery the day before so creating a virtual representation of what the inside of his chest would look like would at least seem real. He had quite the surprise in store for them when they got in, but right now he was craving ice cream and he knew exactly where to get his favorite flavor from reading Carol's mind. She often brought a pint of Cherry Garcia and would eat it at lunch in the level eight break room where most of the lead scientists ate their lunch. Thomas did not need anyone's keycard as he turned the corner and placed his palm on the magnetic locking device. All he had to do was discharge the capacitors at the same time while passing the right voltage through the RFID module. It was usually within the 4.7ghz range meaning it would need about 1.3 to 1.5 volts. He sucked up the voltage of the caps, which tickled a bit and redirected it at 1.35 volts and the reader blinked red twice, he did it again at 1.45 volts and the reader flashed green beeping as he opened the door. Chad was in the break room and he stared at Thomas as he entered. "Fuck you doin' in here?" Chad the janitor asked him. Thomas trusted Chad because Chad had no dog in his fight against the federal government, the janitor, as far as Thomas could tell was just a family man trying to get his daughter back from a bitter ex wife. "I'm hungry. Carol told me I could have her ice cream if I cooperated today." Thomas informed the janitor who was eating the latter half of his tuna sandwich. "Yeah. Since when do you cooperate?" Chad asked him weary of whether or not to run off. "I haven't...or well I don't as you know, no need to be scared of me Chad, if I wanted to hurt you you would be dead already. In fact, I have been meaning to talk to you about your daughter. I apologize for invading your privacy but sometimes I have no control over it. Once someone knows that you can read their mind they instantly begin thinking of the dark shit they have never told anyone or problems in their life they think can't be overcome." Thomas told him reaching into the mini fridge and pulling out the ice cream. "Damn it Thomas, so you know then?" he asked Thomas putting down his sandwich. Thomas walked over to the counter and grabbed a spoon from the drawer shaking his head in the affirmative at the janitor. "The oncologist says she does not have long and my wife won't even let me visit the hospital." Chad said eyes welling up. Thomas sensed a darkness in Chad, and a deep visual fantasy on the surface of Chad's mind of murdering his ex wife. "Woh. Bud. That's a dark thought, there is no need for that, because I'm going to help you. If I recall the doctor told your wife it was the non lymph node kind of leukemia your daughter has. I've cured the lymph node kind twice before by reprogramming the white blood cells. I do not offer this decision freely though, I need your help to break out of here, my work is almost done." Thomas said digging out a chocolate cherry and savoring it. 'Prove it' Thomas heard Chad think, doubtful of what Thomas had offered him. Thomas just laughed and got up walking to the light switch in the room and turned it off the only light coming from the hallway through the window on the door. "I have read over a thousand books on the internet about gene therapy and one of my many abilities is programming cell structure to do all sorts of things. The lightning bug is able to illuminate it's surroundings by producing a chemical called luciferian, I can do the same with my white blood cells." Thomas said in the dark. A dim neon blue began flowing on Thomas' face outlining his arteries and capillaries until his entire body was glowing. The look on Chad's face was priceless. "So it's true, you are a God." Chad said in awe. "Nope, from what I understand I'm just a mutation. My brain and body is just different from everyone elses. According to documented records there are a few of us out there. Every major government knows it and they take out anyone who gets in their way to capture us, so it's important you know the risk of helping me. I cannot guarantee your safety if you decide to come with me. What I promise though is that without my help your daughter's chances of surviving are very slim. I will do my best to protect you and help with your daughter but the risk is very real." Thomas told him flicking the light switch back on. "Yes. A million times yes." Chad said without hesitation. "Okay then, follow me, we are about to laugh our asses off as Doctor Jeff and his two nurses find there is a little alien controlling my body where my heart should be. They are about to crack open my sternum, c'mon." Thomas said jokingly swelling with pride of gaining a new friend trying not to drop his ice cream as he began laughing.	”Please lie down on the bed, Mr. Blake,” said the new doctor. She was a precious little thing, barely out of the academy, with long hair in the color of motor oil, and nails in shiny crimson. Her eyes narrowed in weary concentration as she scrolled through my journal on her tablet computer. “Everything looking good on there, Doc?” “Call me Vanessa,” she said without looking up from the screen. “You don’t look like a ‘Vanessa’ to me… sure you’re not a 'Grace' or a 'Holly?'” She glared at me. “I know what you do, Crowley. How you act. I’m not some random newbie you can push around.” “Whoa whoa whoa, hold your racing steeds, what happened to ‘Mr. Blake’?” I said, feeling a grin creep up on my lips. “I liked it better when you were all formal and polite.” “And I liked it better when you were quiet. Let’s run some tests, shall we?” I held up my hands in mock surrender. This was going to be a lot more fun than I had first thought. After I had found out about my powers, I cruised from town to town robbing banks, getting blind drunk, and fooling around with every woman I could find. It’s quite disturbing how easy things get when you can fly and lift cars. However, living the good life got boring quite fast, and when I woke up in the gutter one morning in a pool of my own sick, I decided it was time to check myself in – and by that, I mean take a vacation trip to Quantico. “Careful!” I said when she reached for my arm. She flinched and looked up. Her bright gray eyes scanned my face for meaning. “Don’t burn your fingers,” I said. “Is that another new power?” “Sure, I just discovered it. Judging from your flushed cheeks and the way you’re sweating in my presence…” She rolled her eyes at me. “You’re saying that you’re hot? How unequivocally original...” “Your words, not mine.” “Okay, Mr. Blake,” Vanessa said. “Let me just take your blood pressure and listen to your pulse. I don’t feel like playing games with you.” “You’re right; playing games is childish.” I held out my arm. “Thanks for being formal again, I appreciate it!” Electricity rolled through my skin and zapped her fingertips. She gasped and pulled back her hand. “Did you feel that too?” I said. “The tension…” She scowled and started scrolling through her tablet again. She crossed her legs and leaned back in the chair. “What are you doing?” I said after a while. She shrugged, her gray eyes fixed on the screen. She licked her lips absently. “Ah, I see what this is!” I said and chuckled. “You’re not the first one here to give me the silent treatment, you know?” “I’m not,” she said. “I’m waiting.” Let’s wait then, I thought and leaned into the pillows on my bed. An hour went by. It was kind of peaceful having her there. I glanced at her face. She had a cute dimple in her left cheek and a tiny scar on her right eyebrow. I found myself liking her more than her predecessors. Despite her murderous looks and her fiery personality, she stood out from the rest. Everyone else would’ve left by now. “Hey,” I said and held out my arm. “No more shocks?” “I promise.” She nodded and strapped my arm in and started pumping. “Thank you.” “No more games,” I said. A smile danced over her lips and painted the sides of her eyes with tiny wrinkles. I don’t know what it was with her. I needed to know her. I felt like those gray eyes saw me for who I was – not just a freak to run tests on. Ever since I got my powers, I thought I’d lost my humanity. And even though she hadn’t said anything, it felt like she cared for me, like she had given me some of it back. “Same time tomorrow?” I asked as she got up. She nodded. “Same time tomorrow.” She walked across the room and opened the door. “You can call me Crowley if you want.” “Goodbye, Crowley,” she said and smiled again. “Goodbye, Vanessa.” **** Check out r/Lilwa_Dexel for more stories!
[WP] After discovering you have a plethora of special abilities, ranging from control over electricity to breathing underwater, the FBI captures you for experiments. However, you only let them capture you, and frequently enjoy messing with the staff when they actually try to experiment on you.	"What do you mean we can't remove his mask?" "Well, sir," I interrupted the two FBI scientist, "he means it's not physically possible to remove the mask from my face unless I want you to." He glared, "shut up smart-" "Please refrain from swearing, it really hurts my ears." I leaned against the bars and scratched a place that was currently getting a breeze it didn't usually get, thanks to the medical gown I was forced to wear. I use the word 'force' loosely. I mean, I was a ten thousand year old being who had actively wiped out powerful men and women who claimed to be gods. Except for Jesus of course. He's the real deal. "Fine, leave the mask. What are the results on his DNA?" "Um, mudfish, sir." He closed his eyes, "excuse me?" The other man swallowed, "his DNA matches a mudfish ninety-nine percent." "Ooh, so I'm like a Mudkip or something." "Why the hell are we having this conversation in front of him?" "Um, you texted me and said to meet here." "No, you texted m-" He paused as his phone beeped. He pulled it out and glared at me. I spun my phone on my index finger, "I wanted to hear what you discovered too." He snatched at my phone but it disappeared. "What the hell are you?!" he raged. "Ever heard of Zeus?" I began, "Thor? Baal?" "Yes," the man said indifferently. "Morons." He closed his eyes and massaged his temples, muttering something like 'but I'm Sicilian.' "You see, I killed them all." He gave me an empty look, then turned to his subordinate, "Let's go to my office." The two departed, one in an angry silence, the other in a reserved brood. The first opened the door to his office to see the back of his office chair with a green cloaked head sitting there. "Who the-" I turned in the seat, "you're no fun," I pouted, "I really want to know what became of my pranks." "Pranks?!" he roared, "I'll show you pranks!" he whipped out a handgun and shot three times. I sighed and set three bullets on the table, "you really don't understand what a prank is, do you?"	”Please lie down on the bed, Mr. Blake,” said the new doctor. She was a precious little thing, barely out of the academy, with long hair in the color of motor oil, and nails in shiny crimson. Her eyes narrowed in weary concentration as she scrolled through my journal on her tablet computer. “Everything looking good on there, Doc?” “Call me Vanessa,” she said without looking up from the screen. “You don’t look like a ‘Vanessa’ to me… sure you’re not a 'Grace' or a 'Holly?'” She glared at me. “I know what you do, Crowley. How you act. I’m not some random newbie you can push around.” “Whoa whoa whoa, hold your racing steeds, what happened to ‘Mr. Blake’?” I said, feeling a grin creep up on my lips. “I liked it better when you were all formal and polite.” “And I liked it better when you were quiet. Let’s run some tests, shall we?” I held up my hands in mock surrender. This was going to be a lot more fun than I had first thought. After I had found out about my powers, I cruised from town to town robbing banks, getting blind drunk, and fooling around with every woman I could find. It’s quite disturbing how easy things get when you can fly and lift cars. However, living the good life got boring quite fast, and when I woke up in the gutter one morning in a pool of my own sick, I decided it was time to check myself in – and by that, I mean take a vacation trip to Quantico. “Careful!” I said when she reached for my arm. She flinched and looked up. Her bright gray eyes scanned my face for meaning. “Don’t burn your fingers,” I said. “Is that another new power?” “Sure, I just discovered it. Judging from your flushed cheeks and the way you’re sweating in my presence…” She rolled her eyes at me. “You’re saying that you’re hot? How unequivocally original...” “Your words, not mine.” “Okay, Mr. Blake,” Vanessa said. “Let me just take your blood pressure and listen to your pulse. I don’t feel like playing games with you.” “You’re right; playing games is childish.” I held out my arm. “Thanks for being formal again, I appreciate it!” Electricity rolled through my skin and zapped her fingertips. She gasped and pulled back her hand. “Did you feel that too?” I said. “The tension…” She scowled and started scrolling through her tablet again. She crossed her legs and leaned back in the chair. “What are you doing?” I said after a while. She shrugged, her gray eyes fixed on the screen. She licked her lips absently. “Ah, I see what this is!” I said and chuckled. “You’re not the first one here to give me the silent treatment, you know?” “I’m not,” she said. “I’m waiting.” Let’s wait then, I thought and leaned into the pillows on my bed. An hour went by. It was kind of peaceful having her there. I glanced at her face. She had a cute dimple in her left cheek and a tiny scar on her right eyebrow. I found myself liking her more than her predecessors. Despite her murderous looks and her fiery personality, she stood out from the rest. Everyone else would’ve left by now. “Hey,” I said and held out my arm. “No more shocks?” “I promise.” She nodded and strapped my arm in and started pumping. “Thank you.” “No more games,” I said. A smile danced over her lips and painted the sides of her eyes with tiny wrinkles. I don’t know what it was with her. I needed to know her. I felt like those gray eyes saw me for who I was – not just a freak to run tests on. Ever since I got my powers, I thought I’d lost my humanity. And even though she hadn’t said anything, it felt like she cared for me, like she had given me some of it back. “Same time tomorrow?” I asked as she got up. She nodded. “Same time tomorrow.” She walked across the room and opened the door. “You can call me Crowley if you want.” “Goodbye, Crowley,” she said and smiled again. “Goodbye, Vanessa.” **** Check out r/Lilwa_Dexel for more stories!
[WP] After discovering you have a plethora of special abilities, ranging from control over electricity to breathing underwater, the FBI captures you for experiments. However, you only let them capture you, and frequently enjoy messing with the staff when they actually try to experiment on you.	I woke up in my holding cell, the warm sweat of yesterday's "make the subject sleep on a hot plate" test still soaking my shirt. Honestly, these "experiments" are just getting ridiculous. This stopped being funny ages ago. Sure, I can leave by punching a hole in the wall, but where's the fun in that? I'm still sticking to Operation Disillusion. Dr. Johan visited my cell with the meal I requested, a hot-dog sliced in half (lengthwise) with wheatgrass and honey mustard on the side, and a whole frozen turkey. She knows I'll just use the turkey to clog the toilet, yet I still get one anyway. "¡Hola señorita! ¿No es un buen día para jugar a 'encontrar el pavo'? O tal vez prefiere un juego de 'descongelación del bloque de hielo alrededor de su personal'?" "So," Johan said, deadpan, very obviously exhausted, "You speak Spanish now. That's a thing you can do." I stood up and took my plate of food from the disgruntled doctor, transmogrifying the wheatgrass into a crisp hundred dollar bill and using telekinesis to slide it into her coat pocket. "Merci, serveur." She turned to leave, but I teleported her into my holding cell. "Don't leave, I'm just getting started! I had a whole bunch of jokes written in thirty languages!" "I'm really not in the mood for your jokes, subject 137." "I have a name, you know." "sigh I'm not in the mood for your jokes, Assblaster McDingDong." "That's better. So, I'm eager to know, what wacky experiments do you have planned for me today?" "Honestly? Nothing." I gasped in a flamboyant, dramatic manner. "Whaaaaat? No experiments? Why?" "For starters, our funding was cut, staff morale is at an all-time low, we have no scientific results to report other than the fact that a butterball turkey can fit inside a toilet water tank, and three employees are in therapy because of your 'depress-o-beam'." "And? You can still conduct experiments, come on..." "You're right. I could. I just don't feel like it anymore." "Oh, come on! What happened to science!? What happened to cruel experiments!? What happened to my daily cyanide injections!?" "Key words: 'I don't feel like it'." "You can't just give up!" "Yes, I can." "...what happens to me, then? Am I stuck in this ten-by-ten meter box for the rest of my days?" "No, no... you'll be released from holding, so long as you sign a contract stating you won't speak of this or conduct mischief." "I... uh... okay?" "Good. Now, can you please teleport me out of this cell so I can pack up my office?" "Sure, sure." I blinked to use my teleportation powers. When I opened my eyes, I found myself in a fiery pile of rubble. Oh. I must have accidentally used "mega fire blast". Well, then. Quickly, I scuttled away from the ruins, taking my frozen turkey with me. ***** Not the ending I planned, but it clicked. For more of my work, visit /r/Picklestasteg00d.	”Please lie down on the bed, Mr. Blake,” said the new doctor. She was a precious little thing, barely out of the academy, with long hair in the color of motor oil, and nails in shiny crimson. Her eyes narrowed in weary concentration as she scrolled through my journal on her tablet computer. “Everything looking good on there, Doc?” “Call me Vanessa,” she said without looking up from the screen. “You don’t look like a ‘Vanessa’ to me… sure you’re not a 'Grace' or a 'Holly?'” She glared at me. “I know what you do, Crowley. How you act. I’m not some random newbie you can push around.” “Whoa whoa whoa, hold your racing steeds, what happened to ‘Mr. Blake’?” I said, feeling a grin creep up on my lips. “I liked it better when you were all formal and polite.” “And I liked it better when you were quiet. Let’s run some tests, shall we?” I held up my hands in mock surrender. This was going to be a lot more fun than I had first thought. After I had found out about my powers, I cruised from town to town robbing banks, getting blind drunk, and fooling around with every woman I could find. It’s quite disturbing how easy things get when you can fly and lift cars. However, living the good life got boring quite fast, and when I woke up in the gutter one morning in a pool of my own sick, I decided it was time to check myself in – and by that, I mean take a vacation trip to Quantico. “Careful!” I said when she reached for my arm. She flinched and looked up. Her bright gray eyes scanned my face for meaning. “Don’t burn your fingers,” I said. “Is that another new power?” “Sure, I just discovered it. Judging from your flushed cheeks and the way you’re sweating in my presence…” She rolled her eyes at me. “You’re saying that you’re hot? How unequivocally original...” “Your words, not mine.” “Okay, Mr. Blake,” Vanessa said. “Let me just take your blood pressure and listen to your pulse. I don’t feel like playing games with you.” “You’re right; playing games is childish.” I held out my arm. “Thanks for being formal again, I appreciate it!” Electricity rolled through my skin and zapped her fingertips. She gasped and pulled back her hand. “Did you feel that too?” I said. “The tension…” She scowled and started scrolling through her tablet again. She crossed her legs and leaned back in the chair. “What are you doing?” I said after a while. She shrugged, her gray eyes fixed on the screen. She licked her lips absently. “Ah, I see what this is!” I said and chuckled. “You’re not the first one here to give me the silent treatment, you know?” “I’m not,” she said. “I’m waiting.” Let’s wait then, I thought and leaned into the pillows on my bed. An hour went by. It was kind of peaceful having her there. I glanced at her face. She had a cute dimple in her left cheek and a tiny scar on her right eyebrow. I found myself liking her more than her predecessors. Despite her murderous looks and her fiery personality, she stood out from the rest. Everyone else would’ve left by now. “Hey,” I said and held out my arm. “No more shocks?” “I promise.” She nodded and strapped my arm in and started pumping. “Thank you.” “No more games,” I said. A smile danced over her lips and painted the sides of her eyes with tiny wrinkles. I don’t know what it was with her. I needed to know her. I felt like those gray eyes saw me for who I was – not just a freak to run tests on. Ever since I got my powers, I thought I’d lost my humanity. And even though she hadn’t said anything, it felt like she cared for me, like she had given me some of it back. “Same time tomorrow?” I asked as she got up. She nodded. “Same time tomorrow.” She walked across the room and opened the door. “You can call me Crowley if you want.” “Goodbye, Crowley,” she said and smiled again. “Goodbye, Vanessa.” **** Check out r/Lilwa_Dexel for more stories!
[WP] After discovering you have a plethora of special abilities, ranging from control over electricity to breathing underwater, the FBI captures you for experiments. However, you only let them capture you, and frequently enjoy messing with the staff when they actually try to experiment on you.	Thomas walked past the three scientists in the room while focusing on what he called a thought projection. One of his many talents to manipulate what people saw versus what was real, and currently the chief of research and development believed he was cutting into Thomas' chest cavity aiming a scalpel with uncanny precision cutting into nothing at all actually. "Suction on the anterior here, Carol." Thomas heard Jeff say as he walked out of the room still concentrating. Thomas had watched several youtube videos about heart surgery the day before so creating a virtual representation of what the inside of his chest would look like would at least seem real. He had quite the surprise in store for them when they got in, but right now he was craving ice cream and he knew exactly where to get his favorite flavor from reading Carol's mind. She often brought a pint of Cherry Garcia and would eat it at lunch in the level eight break room where most of the lead scientists ate their lunch. Thomas did not need anyone's keycard as he turned the corner and placed his palm on the magnetic locking device. All he had to do was discharge the capacitors at the same time while passing the right voltage through the RFID module. It was usually within the 4.7ghz range meaning it would need about 1.3 to 1.5 volts. He sucked up the voltage of the caps, which tickled a bit and redirected it at 1.35 volts and the reader blinked red twice, he did it again at 1.45 volts and the reader flashed green beeping as he opened the door. Chad was in the break room and he stared at Thomas as he entered. "Fuck you doin' in here?" Chad the janitor asked him. Thomas trusted Chad because Chad had no dog in his fight against the federal government, the janitor, as far as Thomas could tell was just a family man trying to get his daughter back from a bitter ex wife. "I'm hungry. Carol told me I could have her ice cream if I cooperated today." Thomas informed the janitor who was eating the latter half of his tuna sandwich. "Yeah. Since when do you cooperate?" Chad asked him weary of whether or not to run off. "I haven't...or well I don't as you know, no need to be scared of me Chad, if I wanted to hurt you you would be dead already. In fact, I have been meaning to talk to you about your daughter. I apologize for invading your privacy but sometimes I have no control over it. Once someone knows that you can read their mind they instantly begin thinking of the dark shit they have never told anyone or problems in their life they think can't be overcome." Thomas told him reaching into the mini fridge and pulling out the ice cream. "Damn it Thomas, so you know then?" he asked Thomas putting down his sandwich. Thomas walked over to the counter and grabbed a spoon from the drawer shaking his head in the affirmative at the janitor. "The oncologist says she does not have long and my wife won't even let me visit the hospital." Chad said eyes welling up. Thomas sensed a darkness in Chad, and a deep visual fantasy on the surface of Chad's mind of murdering his ex wife. "Woh. Bud. That's a dark thought, there is no need for that, because I'm going to help you. If I recall the doctor told your wife it was the non lymph node kind of leukemia your daughter has. I've cured the lymph node kind twice before by reprogramming the white blood cells. I do not offer this decision freely though, I need your help to break out of here, my work is almost done." Thomas said digging out a chocolate cherry and savoring it. 'Prove it' Thomas heard Chad think, doubtful of what Thomas had offered him. Thomas just laughed and got up walking to the light switch in the room and turned it off the only light coming from the hallway through the window on the door. "I have read over a thousand books on the internet about gene therapy and one of my many abilities is programming cell structure to do all sorts of things. The lightning bug is able to illuminate it's surroundings by producing a chemical called luciferian, I can do the same with my white blood cells." Thomas said in the dark. A dim neon blue began flowing on Thomas' face outlining his arteries and capillaries until his entire body was glowing. The look on Chad's face was priceless. "So it's true, you are a God." Chad said in awe. "Nope, from what I understand I'm just a mutation. My brain and body is just different from everyone elses. According to documented records there are a few of us out there. Every major government knows it and they take out anyone who gets in their way to capture us, so it's important you know the risk of helping me. I cannot guarantee your safety if you decide to come with me. What I promise though is that without my help your daughter's chances of surviving are very slim. I will do my best to protect you and help with your daughter but the risk is very real." Thomas told him flicking the light switch back on. "Yes. A million times yes." Chad said without hesitation. "Okay then, follow me, we are about to laugh our asses off as Doctor Jeff and his two nurses find there is a little alien controlling my body where my heart should be. They are about to crack open my sternum, c'mon." Thomas said jokingly swelling with pride of gaining a new friend trying not to drop his ice cream as he began laughing.	"Paul had to go home as well, that makes three today," Steven said. "So we've had three different people today shit themselves, is that what you're telling me," Andrew asked, growing more angry, "it was that damn sub shop, their cold cuts must have been spoiled." "Eheheheh...right, 'cold cuts,'" I thought, "they do tend to cause a bit of gas don't they?" "That's probably it honestly, I never really liked that place and --" Steven held his midsection, releasing gas that spread around the entire room. Andrew immediately put his nose on the inside of his shirt, in a failed effort to avoid breathing in the vile smelling odor that came out of Steven's behind. "God damnit just go to the bathroom!" Andrew screamed, "the last thing we need is another one going home because of some damn illness caused by that damn sub shop!" "You know, you guys should really consider cleaning up your diet," I said, "sometimes I find that white bread causes me a lot of problems and makes my powers less potent." "Oh shut up!" Andrew yelled, right before feeling a strong urge to run to the restroom.
[WP] After discovering you have a plethora of special abilities, ranging from control over electricity to breathing underwater, the FBI captures you for experiments. However, you only let them capture you, and frequently enjoy messing with the staff when they actually try to experiment on you.	"What do you mean we can't remove his mask?" "Well, sir," I interrupted the two FBI scientist, "he means it's not physically possible to remove the mask from my face unless I want you to." He glared, "shut up smart-" "Please refrain from swearing, it really hurts my ears." I leaned against the bars and scratched a place that was currently getting a breeze it didn't usually get, thanks to the medical gown I was forced to wear. I use the word 'force' loosely. I mean, I was a ten thousand year old being who had actively wiped out powerful men and women who claimed to be gods. Except for Jesus of course. He's the real deal. "Fine, leave the mask. What are the results on his DNA?" "Um, mudfish, sir." He closed his eyes, "excuse me?" The other man swallowed, "his DNA matches a mudfish ninety-nine percent." "Ooh, so I'm like a Mudkip or something." "Why the hell are we having this conversation in front of him?" "Um, you texted me and said to meet here." "No, you texted m-" He paused as his phone beeped. He pulled it out and glared at me. I spun my phone on my index finger, "I wanted to hear what you discovered too." He snatched at my phone but it disappeared. "What the hell are you?!" he raged. "Ever heard of Zeus?" I began, "Thor? Baal?" "Yes," the man said indifferently. "Morons." He closed his eyes and massaged his temples, muttering something like 'but I'm Sicilian.' "You see, I killed them all." He gave me an empty look, then turned to his subordinate, "Let's go to my office." The two departed, one in an angry silence, the other in a reserved brood. The first opened the door to his office to see the back of his office chair with a green cloaked head sitting there. "Who the-" I turned in the seat, "you're no fun," I pouted, "I really want to know what became of my pranks." "Pranks?!" he roared, "I'll show you pranks!" he whipped out a handgun and shot three times. I sighed and set three bullets on the table, "you really don't understand what a prank is, do you?"	"Paul had to go home as well, that makes three today," Steven said. "So we've had three different people today shit themselves, is that what you're telling me," Andrew asked, growing more angry, "it was that damn sub shop, their cold cuts must have been spoiled." "Eheheheh...right, 'cold cuts,'" I thought, "they do tend to cause a bit of gas don't they?" "That's probably it honestly, I never really liked that place and --" Steven held his midsection, releasing gas that spread around the entire room. Andrew immediately put his nose on the inside of his shirt, in a failed effort to avoid breathing in the vile smelling odor that came out of Steven's behind. "God damnit just go to the bathroom!" Andrew screamed, "the last thing we need is another one going home because of some damn illness caused by that damn sub shop!" "You know, you guys should really consider cleaning up your diet," I said, "sometimes I find that white bread causes me a lot of problems and makes my powers less potent." "Oh shut up!" Andrew yelled, right before feeling a strong urge to run to the restroom.
[WP] After discovering you have a plethora of special abilities, ranging from control over electricity to breathing underwater, the FBI captures you for experiments. However, you only let them capture you, and frequently enjoy messing with the staff when they actually try to experiment on you.	I woke up in my holding cell, the warm sweat of yesterday's "make the subject sleep on a hot plate" test still soaking my shirt. Honestly, these "experiments" are just getting ridiculous. This stopped being funny ages ago. Sure, I can leave by punching a hole in the wall, but where's the fun in that? I'm still sticking to Operation Disillusion. Dr. Johan visited my cell with the meal I requested, a hot-dog sliced in half (lengthwise) with wheatgrass and honey mustard on the side, and a whole frozen turkey. She knows I'll just use the turkey to clog the toilet, yet I still get one anyway. "¡Hola señorita! ¿No es un buen día para jugar a 'encontrar el pavo'? O tal vez prefiere un juego de 'descongelación del bloque de hielo alrededor de su personal'?" "So," Johan said, deadpan, very obviously exhausted, "You speak Spanish now. That's a thing you can do." I stood up and took my plate of food from the disgruntled doctor, transmogrifying the wheatgrass into a crisp hundred dollar bill and using telekinesis to slide it into her coat pocket. "Merci, serveur." She turned to leave, but I teleported her into my holding cell. "Don't leave, I'm just getting started! I had a whole bunch of jokes written in thirty languages!" "I'm really not in the mood for your jokes, subject 137." "I have a name, you know." "sigh I'm not in the mood for your jokes, Assblaster McDingDong." "That's better. So, I'm eager to know, what wacky experiments do you have planned for me today?" "Honestly? Nothing." I gasped in a flamboyant, dramatic manner. "Whaaaaat? No experiments? Why?" "For starters, our funding was cut, staff morale is at an all-time low, we have no scientific results to report other than the fact that a butterball turkey can fit inside a toilet water tank, and three employees are in therapy because of your 'depress-o-beam'." "And? You can still conduct experiments, come on..." "You're right. I could. I just don't feel like it anymore." "Oh, come on! What happened to science!? What happened to cruel experiments!? What happened to my daily cyanide injections!?" "Key words: 'I don't feel like it'." "You can't just give up!" "Yes, I can." "...what happens to me, then? Am I stuck in this ten-by-ten meter box for the rest of my days?" "No, no... you'll be released from holding, so long as you sign a contract stating you won't speak of this or conduct mischief." "I... uh... okay?" "Good. Now, can you please teleport me out of this cell so I can pack up my office?" "Sure, sure." I blinked to use my teleportation powers. When I opened my eyes, I found myself in a fiery pile of rubble. Oh. I must have accidentally used "mega fire blast". Well, then. Quickly, I scuttled away from the ruins, taking my frozen turkey with me. ***** Not the ending I planned, but it clicked. For more of my work, visit /r/Picklestasteg00d.	"Paul had to go home as well, that makes three today," Steven said. "So we've had three different people today shit themselves, is that what you're telling me," Andrew asked, growing more angry, "it was that damn sub shop, their cold cuts must have been spoiled." "Eheheheh...right, 'cold cuts,'" I thought, "they do tend to cause a bit of gas don't they?" "That's probably it honestly, I never really liked that place and --" Steven held his midsection, releasing gas that spread around the entire room. Andrew immediately put his nose on the inside of his shirt, in a failed effort to avoid breathing in the vile smelling odor that came out of Steven's behind. "God damnit just go to the bathroom!" Andrew screamed, "the last thing we need is another one going home because of some damn illness caused by that damn sub shop!" "You know, you guys should really consider cleaning up your diet," I said, "sometimes I find that white bread causes me a lot of problems and makes my powers less potent." "Oh shut up!" Andrew yelled, right before feeling a strong urge to run to the restroom.
[WP] I could walk out anytime I wanted to, but the cage was comfortable. Familiar.	It...started with a flyer. The kind that gets shoved into your hand by a teenager with a gleam in their eye you know all too well has an expiration date. You know the type--the ones with an unrealistically optimistic view of the world and a drive to make a change that will only fizzle out at the first real whiff of the stench we call reality. Family deaths. War. Famine. Crime. Religious extremism. The true state of the world is far cry from the fake reality we post on our Instagram and Facebook accounts. The mask we all put on to hide the struggles we all face. The world connected through the very thing that'll tear us apart. My reality? Lawyer. Family Law specifically. Divorce proceedings. Custody hearings. Day in. Day out. Been like that for 10 years now. Families tore apart with a slash of the pen across paper. Cutting the lives of those affected forever. I help the process along with an understanding disposition. My mask I wear. I don't know why the flyer resonated with me. Maybe it was the opportunity to focus on something outside of the blur my mask projects onto my eyes. Maybe I just wanted an escape from the constant badgering of complaints from clients. The stories of abuse. The stories of hatred. You should hear some of the vile shit that comes out of these people's mouths. In the end, it usually comes down to money. Always money. Fuck the money. I have enough. Regardless, the clock on the wall says I've been in here for over a month. All I have to do is sit in this cage. I'm not locked in or anything. There are...or...were others. They told us they wanted to see how long we'd stay in an unlocked cage voluntarily. Told us it was a competition. Last one standing gets...something. They didn't say what. An old PA system announced the rules. 1. You may leave whenever you wish. Just press the red button and the door will unlock. 2. Once you press the red button, you will be given your payment and escorted out of the building. 3. Any attempt at self-harm will immediately disqualify us. 4. We will not tell you if or when the others leave. The cage is fairly large I guess. A single bed on the north wall, a sink and toilet on the west. Shower head in the southwest corner and a small slot in the center of the door on the east wall. That slot acts as a portal to the outside world. Through it comes toiletries, food, water, and occasionally, something to fiddle with. They make me give up the toys at the end of the day. Probably not a good idea to allow me too much access to stimulation. After all, I'm their prized lab rat. No one expects anything of me here. No cell phone. No Emails. Just...silence. I'm assuming the world has forgotten me like I forgot it. Just the hum of the lightbulb above my head and the three tones that toll for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I know they're watching me. The little camera in the corner of the room tells me that. Sometimes I count how many times the red light blinks. Once every two seconds or so. Got to 750 once before losing concentration. I wonder if they know that's what I'm doing. It probably just looks like I'm staring into the camera. I've grown to like it here. 3 meals a day. A bed. A shower. What more do you need really? Better yet--no stress. No Facebook. No Instagram. no Twitter, Pinterest, or Tumblr. No documents. No family drama. No depressing news stories. No reports on what the President did or didn't do at his fucking ceremony for rich fucks or whatever it was for. Just. Me. Me. me. Me. Me. me. Me. me. me. Me. Just me. All me. One is me. me. me. me. Not you. me. Why do you need--what do you need the world for anyway? It's just MURDER. and DEATH and LYING. People LIE. They LIE they LIE they LIE. All the time! Lie. Lie. Lie. Lying and bullshit. EVERYONE. What? Are you looking at me for? I'm the one in the cage! You WANT me to leave, don't you! OHHHHH I got your number buddy. I'll NEVER leave! I don't. Want. To. HAHAHhhhahaha. You want me to leave. You'll be satisfied right? If I leave and fail your little experiment? Well, I GOT NEWWWSS FOR YOU. The distant ramblings of Patient 6 in his ears, Dr. Iqbahl sighs as he leans back in his chair and starts rubbing his temples. "Jesus." He exhales. Dr. Harut walks in the room behind him and picks up the remote to the closed-circuit T.V. "Patient 6?" she asks. "It's always 6 isn't it?" he says in an exasperated tone. Dr. Harut turns the volume down on the T.V. and takes a seat in her own chair as she watches Patient 6 jump up and down on his bed. "How long has he been going this time?" she asks, finding her clipboard and pen. "He just started." he states as he flips a page on his clipboard. "and it seems he has concocted another story as to why he's here." Pushing her hair back behind her ear, her eyes roll. "What is it this time?" Dr. Iqbahl, starts scratching the back of his head. "He thinks he is free to leave--that he's here on his own volition." "That's new." Dr. Harut says with an exasperated tone. "Should we give him his lunchtime medicine now?" "Yea." Says Dr. Iqbahl, removing his hand from the back of his neck. "Better make it a double today."	The door lay open, my guards were gone, nothing stood between me and freedom. I took a step towards the door, and it remained open. My guards didn't arrive, I was still free to leave whenever I chose. A breeze moved through the cage, pushing me softly, guiding me towards the door with a gentle touch. And I resisted. I have no idea why I did, but I took a step back, into the cage, into the breeze. I examined my emotions, trying to find out what had pushed me back, and I found the cause quickly, but the name eluded me for a while. I stood pondering it, and as the breeze died down, I found my answer. Fear. An emotion that meant nothing when the door was closed and locked, when my guards still patrolled outside. An emotion I had all but forgotten. I could barely remember the last time I had felt afraid, it was certainly before I had been put in my cage, one of my earliest memories. I swallowed, and pushing the rising sense of dread down, I took a step forwards. And froze. I couldn't move a muscle, my body disobeyed my every command. Until I told it to step backwards, away from the door. I sat then. I sat in the middle of my cage, and stared at the open door, as though a wolf might suddenly wonder in, and decide that it wanted to eat me. Why had they left the door open, why had they taken my guards away? Why was I allowed to leave? It had to be a trick, they wouldn't really let me leave, they'd punish me for trying to escape, I was sure. So here I would stay. Here was safe, here was comfortable, here was familiar. I don't know how much time passed, but I was curious. I stepped up to the door, and placed my right foot on the floor outside. I immediately recoiled. The floor outside my cage was soft, and yielding, the floor inside was hard, and solid. I decided to stay on my floor, I wouldn't set foot on the soft ground again. Or so I thought. Eventually, I tried again, setting more weight on the floor which was soft, and to my surprise, it stopped giving, and became just as firm as my cage's floor. Without thinking, I brought my other foot out, and that was it. After all of these years, I was no longer in a cage. I sank to my knees, tears rolling down my cheeks. I placed my hands on the floor, and the softness began to feel good, began to feel right. i stood, moving my feet through the grass, and I walked away from the cage. I walked away from countless years of imprisonment. i walked away from the cold, tight, unyielding cage, and towards my freedom. Towards my future.
[WP] It's modern day, the war between Elves, Orcs and Humans still continues to this day.	Michael Trullo sat up straight when he saw the name on the screen, just above the bouncing green camera icon. "Fuck me," he muttered under his breath as he straightened his collar, ran his hands across his trim beard, and clicked RECEIVE. The woman staring back at him from across the digital divide was pale and silver blond, oval-faced and hard-eyed. She was ageless and sexless and pitiless. A statue, perhaps. Or a minor god. "Governor Lorothiem, it is an honor to receive your call," said Michael, standing up from his chair just enough to offer a slight bow. "Satellite images from NERV-17 reveal what appears to be a new cluster of orc-kin in the outer borough," said Lorothiem, never a fan of extraneous civility. "Were you aware of this?" Michael stifled a sigh. "Yes, governor. It is being addressed." "From all angles, I presume?" said Lorothiem. "I am less concerned about the removal of the orc-kin than I am curious about how they found their way into Fair Harbor in the first place." "There are always paths," replied Michael, straining to keep his face even and emotionless, just like the Governor. "Fair Harbor is vast." "That sounds like an excuse." Michael bowed his head. "Certainly not. We'll be certain to interview the orc-kin and discover their methods." Lorothiem said nothing more. The call cut out. Michael Trullo was a cautious man, however - he made sure to leave the room before swearing in frustration. "That was a naughty word," smiled little Abby, head popping out from the kitchen. Michael blushed. "I thought your mother took you to judo class?" Abby shook her head. "She went to the hospital. Someone's sick so they needed her. She told you, remember?" Michael vaguely remembered Kairi coming into the office and telling him...something. "How long ago was this?" Abby shrugged. "Forever ago." "And you've been out here alone the whole time?" asked Michael. "I've been painting," said Abby, motioning towards the near wall. Michael swallowed as he came around the corner. "It's a unicorn," said Abby, appraising her own work. Michael stared at his kitchen wall, smeared in weaving lines of purple and yellow. "That it is. That it is." He sighed. "Wash your hands. Daddy needs to do a work thing." "Daddy's work?" said Abby suspiciously. "Daddy's work is boring." "Such is life. Come on." With Abby only a very vague shade of purple in only a few very conspicuous spots, the pair buckled into Michael's state-supplied sedan and headed for the outer borough. "Where are we going?" said Abby. "We are..." Michael considered his words. "Helping some folks move." Abby frowned. "Like when Uncle Danny moved? That was boring." "Yes it was," said Michael. "This won't take quite so long." There were three wagons and nine officers waiting when Michael arrived. "Just how many are there?" he asked one of his officers as he stepped out of the car. "Five," said the officer. "Protocol says to use swarm tactics whenever possible," he added, somewhat defensively. "No, that's fine," said Michael. "Just feels...excessive." He turned back to the car. "Abby? Just have a seat here, okay. Daddy needs to do some talking. Very boring. Just play a game on the touch-screen, okay?" "Can I buy a new game?" asked Abby. "No." Abby rolled her eyes. "Pfffffffffooooooo." Michael closed the door. "Okay. Lets go." They were in an alley between a factory and a cafeteria. Michael was impressed by the integrity of the little shanty structure they'd erected so quickly. Mud and paper and all manner of trash was more or less glued together to form a pair of short, sturdy huts, side by side. Michael tapped on the frame as the officers fanned out into a semi-circle, hands nervously gripping the handles of their holstered electric-cudgels. "Hello?" said Michael. "Peacekeepers. We need to talk." A man stepped out. He was short and ugly, even by orc standards. The left side of his gray face was blubbery and scarred. His nose was missing, sheared off at the base, leaving behind a crusted, yellowish pair of black corn kernel holes. Both eyes were black and filmy. Greasy, black hair twirled from the undersides of his ears and nowhere else. "We ain't done an'thin'," he muttered. "Well, you're here," replied Michael. "So you've done at least that. You know well enough you can't be here." "An' 'ere shou' we be?" replied the grizzled orc. "I'm sympathetic," said Michael. "I am. The Black Lands are turned over. I realize that. There is very little left there for you and your kind. But perhaps that's simply how these things always go. Perhaps that's the price to be paid for the war you waged. Hmm? These things have consequences." The orc snorted. "Aye. We see the cons'quences y'umans have paid these last cen'suries. Diff'rence is us orc-kin ain't dogs to be heeled." Michael clenched his fist. "I'm not going to debate the merits of a 200 year old alliance with a goddamn orc. You're leaving. You and your kin. How pleasant of a journey you have on the way out will be determined by whether or not you tell us how you got into Fair Harbor." "No," said the orc. "Alright," said Michael. He remembered Lorothiem's cold, dismissive stare. She had no respect for him. No faith. It was how all the elves looked at humans. Continually disappointed. "Richter?" One of the officers stepped forward. "Sir?" "Club, please." The officer handed over his cudgel. "You need to say what you know," said Michael. "I won't ask you again." The orc spat on the ground. "Piss this city. Piss elf-kind. And piss dog-'umans." Michael struck the man across the face with the cudgel in neutral. The man did not fall, though his legs bowed. Michael could hear someone crying inside the hut. "Dog dog dog..." muttered the orc. "At least some'un love a dog, though..." Michael clicked the cudgel into low and struck the man in the ribs, sending the orc collapsing to the ground. True to his word, he didn't ask the man again. Instead he spoke into the dark hut. "Does anyone in there want to help him out and tell us how you got into Fair Harbor?" There was no reply. Michael sighed. Another failure. As expected. He handed the cudgel back to Richter. "Round them up. Take them back." Back in the car, Michael slumped down into his seat. "Done?" asked Abby from the back seat. Michael blinked, starting the car and backing out of the alley. "Yes. Done. Sorry. We'll go back home now." "Good," said Abby. "Now I can show you my painting like I said." Michael shook his head. "I already saw, honey. Oh christ...is there another one?" "I wasn't talking to you, dad," said Abby. "It's a unicorn. I think it's my best painting ever, actually." Michael placed a hand on the rearview mirror, lowering the glass so he could see into the backseat. There was Abby. And there was a small girl orc, looking overwhelmed. "This is Voc," said Abby. "Can she stay the night?"	My dearest Emily, I was reminded today of our holiday to the Forests of Arazeen. The pollen tickled my nose, a thousand tiny rainbows danced in the dew around us but through dewy eyes you were all I saw. The trees are gone now, pulled from the ground to have munition factories planted in their stead. This war has taken so much from so many. I fear we are no longer fighting eachother, but fighting beauty itself with myself as commander in chief. Gods damn me. All I ever wanted was peace and I have killed it, put my hands around it's neck and squeezed until it stopped moving. We finished testing today and it works. My nuclear magic missile is complete, guaranteed to never miss. I'm so sorry, Emily, but I can't live with myself. I can only hope as I pass from this world my last thought will be of you in that forest. With all my love, Dr. Robert Elfinheimer
[WP] Bruce Wayne is shot, and has to spend a month recovering. In the meantime, he has to ask various other superheroes to pretend to be Batman while he's out.	"Sooooo ... I need you to be The Dark Knight for about a month." Superman frowned as he looked down at Bruce. "You got shot in the chest and all you think you're going to be fighting criminals in a month?" Bruce looked offended at the idea. "I'm not just The Worlds Greatest Detective -- I'm also a scientist and inventor. How do you think a middle-aged man handles getting beat up regularly and still looks this good? A little Bat-Cream twice a day and this sucking chest wound won't even be a scar." "Yeah, I'm not sure I'd tell anyone else about smearing your 'Bat-Cream' all over your chest." Clark replied, offput "Other than that, no problem. I'm in on two conditions: I get to use the Batmobile, and you give me what you have on kryptonite." As Bruce's laugh-turned-coughing-fit subsided, he spoke "You can fly, shoot lasers out of your eyes, and you're excited about driving the Batmobile?" "... It looks fun." Superman sheepishly admitted Batman sighed, "The Batmobile is a huge part of being Batman. If they made toys of us the Batmobile would be a top seller. No deal on the kryptonite though. You're an otherwise unstoppable demigod -- I know you're a boyscout, but I can't risk you falling under mind-control." Batman screwed his face in thought, "Or even something stupid like a misunderstanding between us that could have been easily resolved by talking to each other like adults." "Alright, alright. Fair enough." "Great, so I need you to be Batman. Let's hear your Bat-Voice." "*I ^am the night!" Bruce stared incredulously at Clark. "... Just ... no. Never do that again." "Well, it was my best. I don't know how you do it, you sound like you've gargled broken glass. Also, that can't be good for your voice." "It isn't, usually once a week I have to eat a little Bat-Cream ..." Clark recoiled "The implications of that statement are horrifying. No more about 'Bat-Cream', and unless you have an idea we're stuck." Bruce deflated, "Maybe I can make some kinda of voice modulator. Speaking of which, can you hand me that glass of water?" Superman held the glass out, but Bruce didn't take it. Instead, he stared at the glass. "Are you alright, Bruce?" Clark asked. Batman stared at the glass and spoke, "... Eat it." "Um, what?" Clark said, confused. "Chew up the glass of water and gargle it for a minute. There's a wastebasket over there you can spit in." "What the hell* Bruce?" "Just do it. You're The Man of Steel -- glass shards aren't going to hurt you." Still having no idea what the hell was going on, Clark decided it was best to play along. He chewed, gargled, and spit as instructed." "Alright" Bruce said, a curious expression on his face. "Do your Bat-voice." " *My parents are deeaaaaaad* !!!** " Batman smiled, his problem solved. "Perfect." "Are you sure this isn't going to hurt me?" Superman asked. "Nah, you're fine. If it does, you can have some Bat-C ... a salve I invented." "... Yeah, pass. I'm sure it's fine."	"Yello', Clark Kent speaking!" "Hey, Clark, it's me, Bruce. I need you to do me a favor." "Yeah?" "Remember when I got shot?" Of course Clark remembered. It was his big story for the month! Billionaire Bruce Wayne, shot during a press conference! Of course, Clark knew that the reason Bruce had been shot was because he was Batman (all of the heroes knew who was who, that way they could avoid outing others) and the Joker had gotten tired of Bruce's success. "Yeah?" "Well, the doctors say I need a month to recover. Joker's planning something big though, so I need you to be me for the time being." Clark couldn't believe his ears. Bruce Wayne wanted him to be Batman?! "Bruce, I think you have the wrong guy. Wouldn't everyone notice if Batman suddenly was able to fly?" "You're the reporter. Come up with some freak accident and put it in the Daily Globe! Batman Falls Into Vat of Plutonium, Doctors Claim Possible Temporary Power Gain! Something along those lines! Some way to excuse Batman's sudden power gain and following power loss." "You know I don't do stuff like that!" "Yeah, sure, but you'll make an article on the death of Superman no problem!" "Ok, ok, fine, I'll do it." Clark hung up. He would need to make some phone calls... ****** This is my first attempt at an EU Writing Prompt, so it probably sucked. I'm not a good writer but I'm working on getting better. Follow [my sub?](/r/kd2bwz2)
[WP] Bruce Wayne is shot, and has to spend a month recovering. In the meantime, he has to ask various other superheroes to pretend to be Batman while he's out.	Bruce groaned a little and struggled to reach the young man's collar. He couldn't. After he stubbornly refused to lie still the nurses had finally restrained him. It was for his own good, of course, but Bruce hated convalescence. Finally he gave in and settled for speaking softly and hoping his companion would listen. "I'll be stuck here for at least a few weeks, then there's physical therapy. I could be out of commission for a year, or more. Gotham needs Batman." He didn't need to mention that no one could fail to notice that Batman went missing the very same time that Bruce Wayne was shot. Which would inevitably lead to questions about everyone he was connected to, Nightwing not least of all. Dick Grayson, however, had no desire to come back into the fold. He'd become Nightwing and gone solo and he liked it that way. "What about Lazarus water, or Tula's healing magic, or Martian tech...." "Still a month, minimum," Bruce weakly shook his head. "Someone needs to fill in while I'm gone." Dick shook his head, "Why me? Why not Tim or Clark or Barry?" Even as he spoke he knew why not. Tim was too short to pretend to be Batman. Clark had been trying to learn how to fight without his powers, but he still depended on them. Same for Barry, Hal, J'onn, and the others. Oliver was the only other candidate, and he wouldn't shave that stupid mustache for anyone. Dick bowed his head in resignation. On some level they'd both always known this day would come, and that when it did he would agree. He shouldn't have been surprised when Bruce closed his eyes and said, "Good. In the cave in the vault with my old suits is one made to your measurements." With that he finally drifted off. Of course Bruce had prepared for this. Batman was, after all, prepared for anything.	"Yello', Clark Kent speaking!" "Hey, Clark, it's me, Bruce. I need you to do me a favor." "Yeah?" "Remember when I got shot?" Of course Clark remembered. It was his big story for the month! Billionaire Bruce Wayne, shot during a press conference! Of course, Clark knew that the reason Bruce had been shot was because he was Batman (all of the heroes knew who was who, that way they could avoid outing others) and the Joker had gotten tired of Bruce's success. "Yeah?" "Well, the doctors say I need a month to recover. Joker's planning something big though, so I need you to be me for the time being." Clark couldn't believe his ears. Bruce Wayne wanted him to be Batman?! "Bruce, I think you have the wrong guy. Wouldn't everyone notice if Batman suddenly was able to fly?" "You're the reporter. Come up with some freak accident and put it in the Daily Globe! Batman Falls Into Vat of Plutonium, Doctors Claim Possible Temporary Power Gain! Something along those lines! Some way to excuse Batman's sudden power gain and following power loss." "You know I don't do stuff like that!" "Yeah, sure, but you'll make an article on the death of Superman no problem!" "Ok, ok, fine, I'll do it." Clark hung up. He would need to make some phone calls... ****** This is my first attempt at an EU Writing Prompt, so it probably sucked. I'm not a good writer but I'm working on getting better. Follow [my sub?](/r/kd2bwz2)
[WP] Aliens figure that a win over humans will be easy, until they see a human magic show.	Okay, I'm not supposed to be saying this, but I am, so don't go telling on me, or I WILL wipe out all life on Earth. My name is Hykra Fuurash (High-Kra. Fyur-ahsh) of L'Kyr. I was sent here to determine the capabilities of Earth's various species and wether they are, um,... good enough to stay species. At first I thought humans too dumb to do anything right. You waste too many resources, kill for no reason, and are generally millions of years behind the Qua'Hesikk in every way. I'd nearly finished my ~~nahset iur (nah-seet. eye-yoor)~~ focused study - specialized culture of the Human species. I was unimpressed with what I'd seen so far at the event I was assigned to - simply humans walking around in poorly-constructed ~~vesarref (vay-sar-eff)~~ costumes of human-like amalgamations of other Earth species while buying and selling various ~~havek (havv-eck)~~ objects. To my surprise, I was complimented on how... real my vesarref appeared - how they could see my breathing and how such shapes should be, and actually are impossible for any human to contort themselves into. As I continued to observe these pointless activities, I stumbled upon a large, dark room with somewhere around 200 humans, most in vaguely equine-themed vesarref watched as two humans fought... I think, with a screen behind them leading their every move, or maybe it was the other way around. Either way, only the most advanced Qua'Hesikk technology was able to replicate the feats of teleportation and morphing these humans were. I'm still unsure which duo was copying the other, and what was really going on there, but well done, humans. My report is mostly positive and will ensure your survival. Oh, and be sure to make sure you don't teleport someone into something, that'll really mess stuff up. Hykra Fuurash out	Me eyes took a sluggish roll around their sockets as the girl ripped my ticket and handed a part back to me. “Enjoy the show” she said, accompanied by a smile of questionable sincerity. How could she genuinely be this happy with her job. I smiled back, but on reflection felt that my tight expression and lack of eyebrow engagement had likely done a poor job of masking my true feelings. This show was going to blow. A sudden yanking of my left arm pulled me away from the awkward situation, and into the crosshairs of even more troublesome stare, from Helen. “Look, I know you’d rather be back in your little man cave, and I promise I shan’t deprive you of it again any time soon, but can you please just try and look like you’re enjoying yourself?”. The excessive sarcasm in her tone summoned an audacious response, but I thought it wiser to reply by saying “Sorry honey, I didn’t realise I looked down. You’re right, this is going to be fun”. “Yes, it will be, so don’t ruin it.” She held her eyes on mine for just longer than was natural, and walked into the tent. God I couldn’t wait to be rid of her, and all of her over-controlling, narrow-minded bullshit. The resentment in our relationship had really blossomed as of recently, significantly since she took on the extra hours this last month. Knowing that she, and all of the other morons roaming around as a part of this dumb, self-centred excuse for a race, would be obliterated soon brought about a childish smirk, and with that thought I walked into the tent and took my seat. The trumpets blared, and a rather large man dressed in an ill-fitting waistcoat and over-sized hat proceeded to walk into the centre of the circle around which we all sat. “And now, it is with great honour and the highest esteem, I would like to introduce you to…”, he stretched out the ‘to’ so that it sounded like a motorbike getting up to speed. “The amazing, the death-defying, the incredible daring Stu”. I couldn’t wait to see what death-defying tricks a guy named STU had up his sleeve. This planet. The fat man had paused and was looking uneasy. He eyes shot back and forth between the audience and the curtain behind. Something was wrong. An atmosphere of puzzled looks and inaudible whispers trickled through the audience. The plump man raised his hands high above his head - and with one sudden, and rather forceful, swoop, threw something towards the floor creating a large flash and cloud of smoke, from which a man emerged dressed in a fully red spandex suit with a lightning bolt and letters STU stitched over his chest. I froze. What the fuck was that. The audience erupted into an aurei of delightful cheers and laughter, but the sound of shrieking children only seemed to exasperate my state from shock into full-blown terror. It couldn’t be. The humans weren’t predicted to be capable of even considering shape shifting as an actual possibility for millennia. I couldn’t move my eyes to blink.
[WP] Aliens figure that a win over humans will be easy, until they see a human magic show.	A pair of aliens from the planet Motts was charged with scouting the planet named Earth. The Mottsunians intended on forcing Earth into their galactic federation or face invasion. The pair of aliens, Zigzug and Kleigt happened to stumble across an amateur street magician in New Orleans while they were scouting for the most opportune place of invasion. The two stopped and joined the ever growing crowd of amazed onlookers. “For my next trick…” the magician shot his index finger towards Kleigt, the tallest of the five aliens, and within the blink of an eye the magician calmly said “planta sphera” and three snowballs appeared hovering around his hand. “Have fun!” said the magician and shot a snowball straight towards Kleigt’s face then immediately guided the remaining snowballs to the hands of two excited children standing in the crowd. Kleigt quickly rid his face of the snow as the crowd laughed and cheered at the spell. “How did he do that?!” Kleigt said in a state of awe. The Mottsunians were baffled at what the magician had just done and unable to come to a logical conclusion to explain the events. The magician waved his arms in a very mesmerizing motion “SIET NIX!” The entire block was instantly covered in snow and the pair of Mottsunians began to feel a bit insecure about their understanding of humans, ultimately questioning their intellectual superiority due to the inability to explain the magician’s doings. Suddenly, everything came to a halt. Everything except Kleigt and Zigzug. “Everything has stopped,” Zigzug exclaimed in a more than delighted voice. “Time has been frozen,” Kleigt said. The two aliens let out a sigh of relief as the freezing of time was not a new concept to them. Science on Motts was thousands of years ahead than what humans had achieved on Earth. “Comfortable now?” asked a voice from among the crowd, harsh yet calm. The magician weaved through the crowd until he was within an arms reach of the Mottsunians. “You must be in quite a bit of disbelief after what you’ve just seen. Not everyone understands but there are forces that lie beyond the bounds of logic and science. The two aliens were too shocked to move. “Now, I know why you’re here and I’m going to politely inform you that you are not welcome here.” The magician snapped his fingers and removed the aliens’ human disguises. With the removal of their disguise, the magician saw that the Mottsunians shared some of the same features of a human. However, instead of two eyes they had three and their heads were significantly larger than those of a normal human. The Mottsunians now felt naked and exposed wishing only to leave the planet after being embarrassed by what they’d consider an inferior life form. “I’m going to let you off with a warning and I want you to inform whoever you leader is that they should reconsider any plans they have for my planet!” The magician waved his hands across their faces. “Evanescet” the magician whispered and the duo began to fade away. As they disappeared the magician turned around and shouted “INCIPERE!” unfreezing time and with a smile on his face headed home.	Me eyes took a sluggish roll around their sockets as the girl ripped my ticket and handed a part back to me. “Enjoy the show” she said, accompanied by a smile of questionable sincerity. How could she genuinely be this happy with her job. I smiled back, but on reflection felt that my tight expression and lack of eyebrow engagement had likely done a poor job of masking my true feelings. This show was going to blow. A sudden yanking of my left arm pulled me away from the awkward situation, and into the crosshairs of even more troublesome stare, from Helen. “Look, I know you’d rather be back in your little man cave, and I promise I shan’t deprive you of it again any time soon, but can you please just try and look like you’re enjoying yourself?”. The excessive sarcasm in her tone summoned an audacious response, but I thought it wiser to reply by saying “Sorry honey, I didn’t realise I looked down. You’re right, this is going to be fun”. “Yes, it will be, so don’t ruin it.” She held her eyes on mine for just longer than was natural, and walked into the tent. God I couldn’t wait to be rid of her, and all of her over-controlling, narrow-minded bullshit. The resentment in our relationship had really blossomed as of recently, significantly since she took on the extra hours this last month. Knowing that she, and all of the other morons roaming around as a part of this dumb, self-centred excuse for a race, would be obliterated soon brought about a childish smirk, and with that thought I walked into the tent and took my seat. The trumpets blared, and a rather large man dressed in an ill-fitting waistcoat and over-sized hat proceeded to walk into the centre of the circle around which we all sat. “And now, it is with great honour and the highest esteem, I would like to introduce you to…”, he stretched out the ‘to’ so that it sounded like a motorbike getting up to speed. “The amazing, the death-defying, the incredible daring Stu”. I couldn’t wait to see what death-defying tricks a guy named STU had up his sleeve. This planet. The fat man had paused and was looking uneasy. He eyes shot back and forth between the audience and the curtain behind. Something was wrong. An atmosphere of puzzled looks and inaudible whispers trickled through the audience. The plump man raised his hands high above his head - and with one sudden, and rather forceful, swoop, threw something towards the floor creating a large flash and cloud of smoke, from which a man emerged dressed in a fully red spandex suit with a lightning bolt and letters STU stitched over his chest. I froze. What the fuck was that. The audience erupted into an aurei of delightful cheers and laughter, but the sound of shrieking children only seemed to exasperate my state from shock into full-blown terror. It couldn’t be. The humans weren’t predicted to be capable of even considering shape shifting as an actual possibility for millennia. I couldn’t move my eyes to blink.
[WP] Aliens figure that a win over humans will be easy, until they see a human magic show.	A pair of aliens from the planet Motts was charged with scouting the planet named Earth. The Mottsunians intended on forcing Earth into their galactic federation or face invasion. The pair of aliens, Zigzug and Kleigt happened to stumble across an amateur street magician in New Orleans while they were scouting for the most opportune place of invasion. The two stopped and joined the ever growing crowd of amazed onlookers. “For my next trick…” the magician shot his index finger towards Kleigt, the tallest of the five aliens, and within the blink of an eye the magician calmly said “planta sphera” and three snowballs appeared hovering around his hand. “Have fun!” said the magician and shot a snowball straight towards Kleigt’s face then immediately guided the remaining snowballs to the hands of two excited children standing in the crowd. Kleigt quickly rid his face of the snow as the crowd laughed and cheered at the spell. “How did he do that?!” Kleigt said in a state of awe. The Mottsunians were baffled at what the magician had just done and unable to come to a logical conclusion to explain the events. The magician waved his arms in a very mesmerizing motion “SIET NIX!” The entire block was instantly covered in snow and the pair of Mottsunians began to feel a bit insecure about their understanding of humans, ultimately questioning their intellectual superiority due to the inability to explain the magician’s doings. Suddenly, everything came to a halt. Everything except Kleigt and Zigzug. “Everything has stopped,” Zigzug exclaimed in a more than delighted voice. “Time has been frozen,” Kleigt said. The two aliens let out a sigh of relief as the freezing of time was not a new concept to them. Science on Motts was thousands of years ahead than what humans had achieved on Earth. “Comfortable now?” asked a voice from among the crowd, harsh yet calm. The magician weaved through the crowd until he was within an arms reach of the Mottsunians. “You must be in quite a bit of disbelief after what you’ve just seen. Not everyone understands but there are forces that lie beyond the bounds of logic and science. The two aliens were too shocked to move. “Now, I know why you’re here and I’m going to politely inform you that you are not welcome here.” The magician snapped his fingers and removed the aliens’ human disguises. With the removal of their disguise, the magician saw that the Mottsunians shared some of the same features of a human. However, instead of two eyes they had three and their heads were significantly larger than those of a normal human. The Mottsunians now felt naked and exposed wishing only to leave the planet after being embarrassed by what they’d consider an inferior life form. “I’m going to let you off with a warning and I want you to inform whoever you leader is that they should reconsider any plans they have for my planet!” The magician waved his hands across their faces. “Evanescet” the magician whispered and the duo began to fade away. As they disappeared the magician turned around and shouted “INCIPERE!” unfreezing time and with a smile on his face headed home.	Ragcum fidgeted nervously in his seat. Perspiration dripped from his blue forehead scales that had nothing to do with the fact that he was wearing a tediously tight silicon human-man mask. He didn't like to sweat. The last time he sweated, it was Junior Nagfock, and he had been in the midst of making a fool of himself by asking the prettiest nagiva to the fock. Throughout his initial mission to Earth, Ragcum had been ecstatic by just how easy the project looked. Human beings were soft, delicate things. They cried when watching certain programs on their primitive glass boxes. They believed in absurdly antiquated ideas like "heaven" and "hell." They sought pharmaceuticals to combat silly woes like romantic separation and losing employment. Many were also quite rotund and slow, like hairless pink gorgamusses, but without exoskeletons, leaving their vital organs exposed to attack and the elements. Ragcum had already written terabytes of notes to high command, detailing the odd and amusing habits of this primitive race. He delighted in highlighting their bi-pedal existence, their lack of sharp claws or wings, and their absurdly poor vision that could barely see 180 degrees, much less the 300 degree experience nagiva's enjoyed. About a day ago, he had completed a four hour tour de force through a human city called "Las Vegas" where thousands and thousands of these primitive specimen delightedly consumed poisons, gambled away property, and vegetated in windowless rooms designed with lights and games that wouldn't amuse even a newborn nagiva. And yet it was now, at Ragcum's final event--a widely advertised and bandied "final show" for some famous earth "magician"--that both of Ragcum's stomachs began to lurch. The first few tricks were nothing startling: a shriveled human with a furry chin made a white rodent appear through what looked to be a black armandian teleportation chute; a female human pushed metal rings together until they linked in clearly a show of entripetal osmonologitcy--literal infant science on the Mongclit planet. And then....and then things got frightening. "I would like a volunteer," the shriveled human shouted, and more hands rose than at a Barnetfie at the Planet Kaspian. The human male trotted and smirked, muttering strange incantations before selecting a thin, young Earth female with golden hair and fair skin. "Get in the box," he commanded, waving magnaminously at a rectangular wooden object that seemed to have appeared by teleportation. The volunteer did as she was told until only her head and her lower appendages jutted out from either ends of the box. Ragcum's hands gripped his armrests violently as the mad old man began cutting and hacking away at the box with a large gleaming metal object. Primitive though it was, the metal contraption was making an easy time of piercing and cutting through the wooden container. The human female was still in it, and Ragcum thought for sure she must scream--that she must cry out at the violent trap she had walked into! But, no! Instead, on her face was a wide, beaming grin--and as the old man sawed harder and harder, she threw open her lips in a maddening, shrill guffaw. SURELY SOMEONE MUST GO UP THERE AND SAVE HER? Even if she was crazy, she was still a living being! A living, albeit idiotic and insane, soul! But no! Now the audience was clapping. The older, round human female to Ragcum's right stamped her feet and hooted. A younger gentleman behind him was making motions and noises with what he recognized to be a human camera. WHAT ARE THESE PEOPLE? Gasping for air, and stumbling as he felt more sweat seep from his brow, Ragcum clambered up, his knees buckling and shaking. "Abort mission! Abort mission!" Ragcum hissed into his wrist-strapped transponder as he lurched out of the now-cheering room. "THESE PEOPLE ARE CRAZY! ABORT!"
[WP] Aliens figure that a win over humans will be easy, until they see a human magic show.	A pair of aliens from the planet Motts was charged with scouting the planet named Earth. The Mottsunians intended on forcing Earth into their galactic federation or face invasion. The pair of aliens, Zigzug and Kleigt happened to stumble across an amateur street magician in New Orleans while they were scouting for the most opportune place of invasion. The two stopped and joined the ever growing crowd of amazed onlookers. “For my next trick…” the magician shot his index finger towards Kleigt, the tallest of the five aliens, and within the blink of an eye the magician calmly said “planta sphera” and three snowballs appeared hovering around his hand. “Have fun!” said the magician and shot a snowball straight towards Kleigt’s face then immediately guided the remaining snowballs to the hands of two excited children standing in the crowd. Kleigt quickly rid his face of the snow as the crowd laughed and cheered at the spell. “How did he do that?!” Kleigt said in a state of awe. The Mottsunians were baffled at what the magician had just done and unable to come to a logical conclusion to explain the events. The magician waved his arms in a very mesmerizing motion “SIET NIX!” The entire block was instantly covered in snow and the pair of Mottsunians began to feel a bit insecure about their understanding of humans, ultimately questioning their intellectual superiority due to the inability to explain the magician’s doings. Suddenly, everything came to a halt. Everything except Kleigt and Zigzug. “Everything has stopped,” Zigzug exclaimed in a more than delighted voice. “Time has been frozen,” Kleigt said. The two aliens let out a sigh of relief as the freezing of time was not a new concept to them. Science on Motts was thousands of years ahead than what humans had achieved on Earth. “Comfortable now?” asked a voice from among the crowd, harsh yet calm. The magician weaved through the crowd until he was within an arms reach of the Mottsunians. “You must be in quite a bit of disbelief after what you’ve just seen. Not everyone understands but there are forces that lie beyond the bounds of logic and science. The two aliens were too shocked to move. “Now, I know why you’re here and I’m going to politely inform you that you are not welcome here.” The magician snapped his fingers and removed the aliens’ human disguises. With the removal of their disguise, the magician saw that the Mottsunians shared some of the same features of a human. However, instead of two eyes they had three and their heads were significantly larger than those of a normal human. The Mottsunians now felt naked and exposed wishing only to leave the planet after being embarrassed by what they’d consider an inferior life form. “I’m going to let you off with a warning and I want you to inform whoever you leader is that they should reconsider any plans they have for my planet!” The magician waved his hands across their faces. “Evanescet” the magician whispered and the duo began to fade away. As they disappeared the magician turned around and shouted “INCIPERE!” unfreezing time and with a smile on his face headed home.	Okay, I'm not supposed to be saying this, but I am, so don't go telling on me, or I WILL wipe out all life on Earth. My name is Hykra Fuurash (High-Kra. Fyur-ahsh) of L'Kyr. I was sent here to determine the capabilities of Earth's various species and wether they are, um,... good enough to stay species. At first I thought humans too dumb to do anything right. You waste too many resources, kill for no reason, and are generally millions of years behind the Qua'Hesikk in every way. I'd nearly finished my ~~nahset iur (nah-seet. eye-yoor)~~ focused study - specialized culture of the Human species. I was unimpressed with what I'd seen so far at the event I was assigned to - simply humans walking around in poorly-constructed ~~vesarref (vay-sar-eff)~~ costumes of human-like amalgamations of other Earth species while buying and selling various ~~havek (havv-eck)~~ objects. To my surprise, I was complimented on how... real my vesarref appeared - how they could see my breathing and how such shapes should be, and actually are impossible for any human to contort themselves into. As I continued to observe these pointless activities, I stumbled upon a large, dark room with somewhere around 200 humans, most in vaguely equine-themed vesarref watched as two humans fought... I think, with a screen behind them leading their every move, or maybe it was the other way around. Either way, only the most advanced Qua'Hesikk technology was able to replicate the feats of teleportation and morphing these humans were. I'm still unsure which duo was copying the other, and what was really going on there, but well done, humans. My report is mostly positive and will ensure your survival. Oh, and be sure to make sure you don't teleport someone into something, that'll really mess stuff up. Hykra Fuurash out
[WP] Aliens figure that a win over humans will be easy, until they see a human magic show.	A pair of aliens from the planet Motts was charged with scouting the planet named Earth. The Mottsunians intended on forcing Earth into their galactic federation or face invasion. The pair of aliens, Zigzug and Kleigt happened to stumble across an amateur street magician in New Orleans while they were scouting for the most opportune place of invasion. The two stopped and joined the ever growing crowd of amazed onlookers. “For my next trick…” the magician shot his index finger towards Kleigt, the tallest of the five aliens, and within the blink of an eye the magician calmly said “planta sphera” and three snowballs appeared hovering around his hand. “Have fun!” said the magician and shot a snowball straight towards Kleigt’s face then immediately guided the remaining snowballs to the hands of two excited children standing in the crowd. Kleigt quickly rid his face of the snow as the crowd laughed and cheered at the spell. “How did he do that?!” Kleigt said in a state of awe. The Mottsunians were baffled at what the magician had just done and unable to come to a logical conclusion to explain the events. The magician waved his arms in a very mesmerizing motion “SIET NIX!” The entire block was instantly covered in snow and the pair of Mottsunians began to feel a bit insecure about their understanding of humans, ultimately questioning their intellectual superiority due to the inability to explain the magician’s doings. Suddenly, everything came to a halt. Everything except Kleigt and Zigzug. “Everything has stopped,” Zigzug exclaimed in a more than delighted voice. “Time has been frozen,” Kleigt said. The two aliens let out a sigh of relief as the freezing of time was not a new concept to them. Science on Motts was thousands of years ahead than what humans had achieved on Earth. “Comfortable now?” asked a voice from among the crowd, harsh yet calm. The magician weaved through the crowd until he was within an arms reach of the Mottsunians. “You must be in quite a bit of disbelief after what you’ve just seen. Not everyone understands but there are forces that lie beyond the bounds of logic and science. The two aliens were too shocked to move. “Now, I know why you’re here and I’m going to politely inform you that you are not welcome here.” The magician snapped his fingers and removed the aliens’ human disguises. With the removal of their disguise, the magician saw that the Mottsunians shared some of the same features of a human. However, instead of two eyes they had three and their heads were significantly larger than those of a normal human. The Mottsunians now felt naked and exposed wishing only to leave the planet after being embarrassed by what they’d consider an inferior life form. “I’m going to let you off with a warning and I want you to inform whoever you leader is that they should reconsider any plans they have for my planet!” The magician waved his hands across their faces. “Evanescet” the magician whispered and the duo began to fade away. As they disappeared the magician turned around and shouted “INCIPERE!” unfreezing time and with a smile on his face headed home.	Orgal was exhausted. He had been slumped into his viewing pod then flopped in the next file of earth broadcasts. The screen lit up brightly. “Start viewing season one, episode one, of How Did They Do That, hosted by Vince Offer?” Orgal sighed. “Uhhhh… can I get a summary?” “Hosted by Vince Offer, this early 2000’s live television show featured magic acts by different magicians. Featuring a variety of street and stage performances, it lasted for four seasons and received mixed to positive ratings” Orgal wheezed, then took a drag from his carbon box. “ What’s magic?” “Magic is a force that has been reported in stories on earth for thousands of years. It is a mythical force beyond explaining” Orgal sighed again. “..I guess start viewing?” “Now viewing, season one episode one of How Did They Do That hosted by Vince Offer” The viewscreen lit up brightly. Montages of magic tricks both on street and stage passed by in a flurry of pyrotechnics and Vince Offers hideously crooked grin. The montage finished with a flash, followed by Vince’s sudden appearance on stage and an audience screaming “HOW DID THEY DO THAT” Orgal wheezed again. “Ummmmm….How did they…..” “Magic” Orgal’s viewscreen answered. Orgal wheezed harder. He skipped through commercials for canned cheez and car insurance til he was greeted by Vince Offers unsettling grin. “Guys, we got a great guy in from vegas named Brian, just dragged him right in and POOF!” Vince screamed. The audience screamed. Brian, a criss angel ripoff dragged right from the strip, appeared in a flash. The audience shouted again. “HOW DID THEY DO THAT!” Orgal took a drag from his carbon filter. “Oh shit” Vince Offer was grinning on the screen. “Brian, You got some magic to show us today” Vince gripped brian around the shoulder tightly. Brian looked uncomfortable. “Yeah, sure man, could you just….back up a bit?” Vince let go of him suddenly. A vein throbbed near his temple “Hahaha sure brian! What are you gonna show us today.” Brian rubbed his shoulder. “Uhhhh… Yeah” He spun around real quick, rubbing his shoulder again, then turned and shot the audience a raised eyebrow. “How about some…..magic?” Brian snapped his fingers, and a deck of cards appeared in his hands. The audience oohed. Orgal wheezed. Vince grinned maniacally. “What are you gonna do with that brian?” Vince asked a little too eagerly. “Well, if you’ll just, pick a card” Brian swept his oversprayed hair to the side and fanned the deck of cards with a flourish, then closed his eyes. Vince plucked one sharply, then showed it to the audience. The ace of hearts. Then, he jerked it back into the deck. Brian stepped back, then opened his eyes, and started to shuffle the cards in as many theatrical ways as he could think of while he eyed the audience through thirty layers of eyeshadow. “Vince, what if I told you that…..” Brian paused, then flung the deck into the air and pulled a pistol out and shot. He plucked the card with a single hole through the center. “This….” He brandished the card with a flourish “Was not your card!” The audience muttered as brian held up the joker. “Joking, of course” Brian announced. Vince laughed in a totally human and normal way. “Vince, this is your card.” Brian dumped the bullets from the pistol, and caught a single folded card from the chamber. He unfolded it and held up to show vince and the viewers. The ace of hearts. “HOW DID THEY DO THAT!” Vince screamed. “HOW DID THEY DO THAT!” The audience screamed. Orgal wheezed. “How the fuck did they do that” “Magic” His viewscreen answered. Orgal took another drag from his carbon filter. “Borgal’s gonna need to hear about this.”
[WP] Aliens figure that a win over humans will be easy, until they see a human magic show.	"We have located all of their Nuclear Weapons systems. It will be a trivial task to shut them down," General Bozz-Mnng hissed through his smirking mandibles. "All that remains is to give the order." "Excellent, General Bozz-Mnng! Excellent work!" Overlord Vbbbprt stood up, hivemind control scepter clasped between his sharp, taloned digits. "As Overlord of the MmmmmmmBappi Votonnngwueii T, I hearby give the order to exterminate-" "Overlord Vbbbprt! Urgent news!" Underling Chaaaaaa sputtered, stumbling into the War Chamber haphazardly. His underdeveloped wings twitched nervously at his back. "What is it, Underling Chaaaaaaaa?" Overlord Vbbbprt scowled. "Actually sir, it's just 'Underling Chaaaaaa,' sir." "Very well, Underling Chaaa. What is it? This had better be important." "Sir, it's Underling- oh, nevermind. I have discovered something incredible about these Hugh-manns on their primitive sub-hivemind network that they call the 'Me Tube,' it is truly frightening!" "Impossible, Underling Chaaaaa! We have scoured the Hugh-manns pitiful excuse for a neural-web ten times over and found nothing of value! Nothing!" General Bozz-Mnng spat, feeling slighted in the presence of Overlord Vbbbprt. "It was just submitted recently! It is nnnnnmmmm- Original Content!" Underling Chaaaaaa stuttered, cowering in the shadow of his superiors. "Show us this, 'Original Content' immediately!" Overlord Vbbbprt commanded. Underling Chaaaaaa nervously raised his holo-field projector over his head. On it was displayed a video of an Earthling Magician who proceeded to make several ping-pong balls disappear beneath cups. Overlord Vbbbprt was stunned. "How can they do this? Our analysis of their species indicates that they should have no command over anything but their own pitiful Third dimension, and even that command is limited! They are like infants! Stupid, dumb, infants! General Bozz-Mnng, how many universal laws did this single Hugh-mann just violate!?" "By my count, sir..." General Bozz-Mnng's face turned a shade of mauve. "All of them. All of the laws." "We must know more of this power! What can we learn from this display?" Overlord Vbbbprt hissed through gritted fangs. "It seems that the power may be limited to spherical objects, and that they must be obscured by something larger..." General Bozz-Mnng's face turned a shade of taupe. Overlord Vbbbprt stared incredulously at General Bozz-Mnng. "Where did you advise we land our fleet, General Bozz-Mnng?" "On- on their spherical satellite body, their beloved 'Moooooon,' sir." "Actually it's just 'Moon,' sir." Underling Chaaaaaa chimed in, his voice verging on panic. Overlord Vbbbprt's expression darkened as he looked towards the window of the War Chamber to see the shadow of the Earth creeping across the desolate lunar landscape. "It's eclipsing!" General Bozz-Mnng spat urgently. "Issue a full retreat immediately! All ships! Full retreat!" Overlord Vbbbprt broke into a panic. "How could we have so grossly underestimated them!?" "I don't want to expire and be reborn yet! I'm too young to undergo metamorphosis!" Underling Chaaaaaa cried as he collapsed into a heap on the floor.	Orgal was exhausted. He had been slumped into his viewing pod then flopped in the next file of earth broadcasts. The screen lit up brightly. “Start viewing season one, episode one, of How Did They Do That, hosted by Vince Offer?” Orgal sighed. “Uhhhh… can I get a summary?” “Hosted by Vince Offer, this early 2000’s live television show featured magic acts by different magicians. Featuring a variety of street and stage performances, it lasted for four seasons and received mixed to positive ratings” Orgal wheezed, then took a drag from his carbon box. “ What’s magic?” “Magic is a force that has been reported in stories on earth for thousands of years. It is a mythical force beyond explaining” Orgal sighed again. “..I guess start viewing?” “Now viewing, season one episode one of How Did They Do That hosted by Vince Offer” The viewscreen lit up brightly. Montages of magic tricks both on street and stage passed by in a flurry of pyrotechnics and Vince Offers hideously crooked grin. The montage finished with a flash, followed by Vince’s sudden appearance on stage and an audience screaming “HOW DID THEY DO THAT” Orgal wheezed again. “Ummmmm….How did they…..” “Magic” Orgal’s viewscreen answered. Orgal wheezed harder. He skipped through commercials for canned cheez and car insurance til he was greeted by Vince Offers unsettling grin. “Guys, we got a great guy in from vegas named Brian, just dragged him right in and POOF!” Vince screamed. The audience screamed. Brian, a criss angel ripoff dragged right from the strip, appeared in a flash. The audience shouted again. “HOW DID THEY DO THAT!” Orgal took a drag from his carbon filter. “Oh shit” Vince Offer was grinning on the screen. “Brian, You got some magic to show us today” Vince gripped brian around the shoulder tightly. Brian looked uncomfortable. “Yeah, sure man, could you just….back up a bit?” Vince let go of him suddenly. A vein throbbed near his temple “Hahaha sure brian! What are you gonna show us today.” Brian rubbed his shoulder. “Uhhhh… Yeah” He spun around real quick, rubbing his shoulder again, then turned and shot the audience a raised eyebrow. “How about some…..magic?” Brian snapped his fingers, and a deck of cards appeared in his hands. The audience oohed. Orgal wheezed. Vince grinned maniacally. “What are you gonna do with that brian?” Vince asked a little too eagerly. “Well, if you’ll just, pick a card” Brian swept his oversprayed hair to the side and fanned the deck of cards with a flourish, then closed his eyes. Vince plucked one sharply, then showed it to the audience. The ace of hearts. Then, he jerked it back into the deck. Brian stepped back, then opened his eyes, and started to shuffle the cards in as many theatrical ways as he could think of while he eyed the audience through thirty layers of eyeshadow. “Vince, what if I told you that…..” Brian paused, then flung the deck into the air and pulled a pistol out and shot. He plucked the card with a single hole through the center. “This….” He brandished the card with a flourish “Was not your card!” The audience muttered as brian held up the joker. “Joking, of course” Brian announced. Vince laughed in a totally human and normal way. “Vince, this is your card.” Brian dumped the bullets from the pistol, and caught a single folded card from the chamber. He unfolded it and held up to show vince and the viewers. The ace of hearts. “HOW DID THEY DO THAT!” Vince screamed. “HOW DID THEY DO THAT!” The audience screamed. Orgal wheezed. “How the fuck did they do that” “Magic” His viewscreen answered. Orgal took another drag from his carbon filter. “Borgal’s gonna need to hear about this.”
[WP] Aliens figure that a win over humans will be easy, until they see a human magic show.	"Oh my stars," said Globnark. "They just sawed a woman in half!" "What?" Interstellar command buzzed with the news. A thousand ambassadors and military strategists leaned forward to hear their alien spy speak. "For what crime?" "No crime! She walked onstage and they put her in a box. Then they sawed her in half and everyone applauded! There was not even a trial!" "Barbaric. It's a sacrifice! To whatever gods they worship." Interstellar command reviewed snapshots their spy had taken outside. The human metropolis was packed with religious imagery like a glass pyramid and and grand, electronic, noisy cathedrals. "Get out of there now, before they cut you, too!" "No, wait! She's alive!" The alien spy took more snapshots. "She's alive and whole! She's been cut and reformed! Resurrected! Shes laughing and smiling!" "Dear lord!" Interstellar command gasped and recoiled. "This is no religious festival---this is a show of power! A demonstration of military might and technological prowess! If we carried out our declaration of war, we would mow them down again and again---only for them to spring back up like blades of grass!" The alien spy shuffled out the theater. "I'm running. It's too dangerous here. I'm stealing some all-you-can-eat shrimp on the way out."	Orgal was exhausted. He had been slumped into his viewing pod then flopped in the next file of earth broadcasts. The screen lit up brightly. “Start viewing season one, episode one, of How Did They Do That, hosted by Vince Offer?” Orgal sighed. “Uhhhh… can I get a summary?” “Hosted by Vince Offer, this early 2000’s live television show featured magic acts by different magicians. Featuring a variety of street and stage performances, it lasted for four seasons and received mixed to positive ratings” Orgal wheezed, then took a drag from his carbon box. “ What’s magic?” “Magic is a force that has been reported in stories on earth for thousands of years. It is a mythical force beyond explaining” Orgal sighed again. “..I guess start viewing?” “Now viewing, season one episode one of How Did They Do That hosted by Vince Offer” The viewscreen lit up brightly. Montages of magic tricks both on street and stage passed by in a flurry of pyrotechnics and Vince Offers hideously crooked grin. The montage finished with a flash, followed by Vince’s sudden appearance on stage and an audience screaming “HOW DID THEY DO THAT” Orgal wheezed again. “Ummmmm….How did they…..” “Magic” Orgal’s viewscreen answered. Orgal wheezed harder. He skipped through commercials for canned cheez and car insurance til he was greeted by Vince Offers unsettling grin. “Guys, we got a great guy in from vegas named Brian, just dragged him right in and POOF!” Vince screamed. The audience screamed. Brian, a criss angel ripoff dragged right from the strip, appeared in a flash. The audience shouted again. “HOW DID THEY DO THAT!” Orgal took a drag from his carbon filter. “Oh shit” Vince Offer was grinning on the screen. “Brian, You got some magic to show us today” Vince gripped brian around the shoulder tightly. Brian looked uncomfortable. “Yeah, sure man, could you just….back up a bit?” Vince let go of him suddenly. A vein throbbed near his temple “Hahaha sure brian! What are you gonna show us today.” Brian rubbed his shoulder. “Uhhhh… Yeah” He spun around real quick, rubbing his shoulder again, then turned and shot the audience a raised eyebrow. “How about some…..magic?” Brian snapped his fingers, and a deck of cards appeared in his hands. The audience oohed. Orgal wheezed. Vince grinned maniacally. “What are you gonna do with that brian?” Vince asked a little too eagerly. “Well, if you’ll just, pick a card” Brian swept his oversprayed hair to the side and fanned the deck of cards with a flourish, then closed his eyes. Vince plucked one sharply, then showed it to the audience. The ace of hearts. Then, he jerked it back into the deck. Brian stepped back, then opened his eyes, and started to shuffle the cards in as many theatrical ways as he could think of while he eyed the audience through thirty layers of eyeshadow. “Vince, what if I told you that…..” Brian paused, then flung the deck into the air and pulled a pistol out and shot. He plucked the card with a single hole through the center. “This….” He brandished the card with a flourish “Was not your card!” The audience muttered as brian held up the joker. “Joking, of course” Brian announced. Vince laughed in a totally human and normal way. “Vince, this is your card.” Brian dumped the bullets from the pistol, and caught a single folded card from the chamber. He unfolded it and held up to show vince and the viewers. The ace of hearts. “HOW DID THEY DO THAT!” Vince screamed. “HOW DID THEY DO THAT!” The audience screamed. Orgal wheezed. “How the fuck did they do that” “Magic” His viewscreen answered. Orgal took another drag from his carbon filter. “Borgal’s gonna need to hear about this.”
[WP] Aliens figure that a win over humans will be easy, until they see a human magic show.	Commander Xandar was twisting himself, trying to find a confortable position to sit on this human designed chair, the purple padding was not helping him find a suitable position for his retracted rear mandible. Damn hairless apes couldn't even design a suitable seating apparatus, they truly deserved to be liberated into oblivion by the Eterniax Empire. His second in command lieutenant Vlextra was gidding like a little child, her neck twitchers moving so much Xandar was affraid she'd draw attention to herself. >Vlextra please, contain yourself. This is a surveillance mission, we are here to blend in and gather intelligence for the invasion. >>Sorry Commander, it's just that this is my first mission undercover, this is just so exciting. >Bah...Waste of time if you ask me, these primitive apes would never stand a chance against the might of the Empire. >>This... gathering... appears very interesting. Did we ever manage to translate that word ? Magic ? What does it mean ? >I'm not sure, the computer is still running translation. Anyway with so many people present in this Palace of Ceasar and the big light displays outside, it must be important. The lights dimmed troughout the room and the curtain was pulled up. There was a loud bang and The Great Fernando appeared onto the stage in a could of smoke. >Short distance teleportation, interesting. We do not have this technology on file for this planet. What do you think lieutenant, plasma based technologie ? Could be a trade they made with the Gorxians. >>Negative sir, the analyser shows no sign of any advanced technology on the stage. Nothing except some rope, wood, water and glass. >Interesting, maybe this visit wasn't such a waste after all. Continue monitoring all tech frequencies. For his first trick, The Great Fernando invited 5 people onto the stage and started questioning them on their ancestors. Holding hands with each of them, he would guess names, dates and even make a table move by itself. Xandar was growing uneasy. >Lieutenant, why were we not aware this specie possesses telepathic abilities ? >>I....I don't know sir. It's not in the data bank. Should we reevaluate the mission sir? >No... we continue as planned, we must collect as much intel as we can. Xandar was sitting on the edge of his chair. His arrogance and pride were starting to vanish, replaced with only questions and doubts. For his next number The Great Fernando would saw his lovely assistant Raquel in half. Xandar could not contain his surprise upon seing the 2 halves of the woman moving like nothing as happening. >What the hell is happening ? >>Sir ? >How is she still alive ? This specie should not survive dismemberment. Do you realise how hard is it to eradicate a dismemberment resistant population lieutenant ? It's exhausting. >>That's not all sir, her legs appear to be sentient as well, look how they move. >Oh great, there are like Plaxianx worms, cut one on half and you get two very angry half-worm trying to kill you back. Are you absolutely sure you do not detect techological triquery that would explain this lieutenant ? >>Nothing sir, negative on all scanners. >Keep monitoring >>Look, he's jamming swords in her legs, that ought to stop them moving but.... it's not doing anything >Great, apparently they also posses a stab resistant, adaptable exoskin. For his third trick, The Great Fernando brought out a giant steel container filled with water and chained himself inside. >Oh.... how nice, a Segariox torture box. I haven't seen one of these in a long time. >>Wow, this brings back memories of the academy. That Plegorian prisoner didn't even last 30 seconds in there before spilling his guts. >Holy shit he got out! Lieutenant ?! >>I....I don't know how he did it sir! >God dammit lieutenent Vlextra that human got out of a Segariox torture box in 37 seconds and you tell me you didn't catch any of that ? >>I'm sorry sir, the scanners are not reading anything that would eplain how he is doing that. >Well that's just great, we can't cut them in half and we can't torture them. This is getting worst by the minute. For his forth act The Great Fernando stood at one and of the stage while his assistant Raquel took aim at him with a loaded pistol. >Well, at least this human sacrifice should redeem this evening. Lets just hope they don't have too much others like him. >>Huh.... sir ? Xandar turned his head to see The Great Fernando smiling, the bullet caught between his teeths. The emotion got the better of him and he stood abrutly, almost failing to conceal his rear mandible. >Are you fucking shitting me !??! >>Sir, please. Sit down, we mustn't draw attention to ourselves. >No but seriously.... They can't be shot, they can't be dismembered, they can't be tortured and they have freaking psychic powers! How the hell are we suppose to liberate these people? For his closing trick, The Great Fernando invited all the little human childrens on stage for a special number just for them. Curious, Xandar got up and followed the other parents to the stage to get a better view. 5 minutes later, Xandar and Vlextra were running away from the Palace of Ceasar and the towers of lights, fleeing toward their ship, their eyes glued wide open by fear. >How the hell did he do that lieutenant ? >>I don't know sir but I'm still freaking out about it! >Did you see his fingers ? >>I know ! He put his hands together and just removed his right index finger like it was nothing. >It was still moving! >>I know!!! >And then the nose, what the hell was that ? >>I don't know! He reached and stole that kid's nose, it was still twitching between his fingers. >The kid was laughing, what maniac beast laughs when you show him his severed nose ? >>I don't know sir but we gotta get back to the ship as quickly as possible and call off this invasion. >This doesn't make any sens, there was nothing about any of this in the galactic data base. These people should be living in caves with sticks and stones lieutenent, freaking sticks and stones. >>I told you buying a used warship was a bad idea, that's what happens, the data base has probably never been updated. Better hope they don't track us back to the homeworld!	Orgal was exhausted. He had been slumped into his viewing pod then flopped in the next file of earth broadcasts. The screen lit up brightly. “Start viewing season one, episode one, of How Did They Do That, hosted by Vince Offer?” Orgal sighed. “Uhhhh… can I get a summary?” “Hosted by Vince Offer, this early 2000’s live television show featured magic acts by different magicians. Featuring a variety of street and stage performances, it lasted for four seasons and received mixed to positive ratings” Orgal wheezed, then took a drag from his carbon box. “ What’s magic?” “Magic is a force that has been reported in stories on earth for thousands of years. It is a mythical force beyond explaining” Orgal sighed again. “..I guess start viewing?” “Now viewing, season one episode one of How Did They Do That hosted by Vince Offer” The viewscreen lit up brightly. Montages of magic tricks both on street and stage passed by in a flurry of pyrotechnics and Vince Offers hideously crooked grin. The montage finished with a flash, followed by Vince’s sudden appearance on stage and an audience screaming “HOW DID THEY DO THAT” Orgal wheezed again. “Ummmmm….How did they…..” “Magic” Orgal’s viewscreen answered. Orgal wheezed harder. He skipped through commercials for canned cheez and car insurance til he was greeted by Vince Offers unsettling grin. “Guys, we got a great guy in from vegas named Brian, just dragged him right in and POOF!” Vince screamed. The audience screamed. Brian, a criss angel ripoff dragged right from the strip, appeared in a flash. The audience shouted again. “HOW DID THEY DO THAT!” Orgal took a drag from his carbon filter. “Oh shit” Vince Offer was grinning on the screen. “Brian, You got some magic to show us today” Vince gripped brian around the shoulder tightly. Brian looked uncomfortable. “Yeah, sure man, could you just….back up a bit?” Vince let go of him suddenly. A vein throbbed near his temple “Hahaha sure brian! What are you gonna show us today.” Brian rubbed his shoulder. “Uhhhh… Yeah” He spun around real quick, rubbing his shoulder again, then turned and shot the audience a raised eyebrow. “How about some…..magic?” Brian snapped his fingers, and a deck of cards appeared in his hands. The audience oohed. Orgal wheezed. Vince grinned maniacally. “What are you gonna do with that brian?” Vince asked a little too eagerly. “Well, if you’ll just, pick a card” Brian swept his oversprayed hair to the side and fanned the deck of cards with a flourish, then closed his eyes. Vince plucked one sharply, then showed it to the audience. The ace of hearts. Then, he jerked it back into the deck. Brian stepped back, then opened his eyes, and started to shuffle the cards in as many theatrical ways as he could think of while he eyed the audience through thirty layers of eyeshadow. “Vince, what if I told you that…..” Brian paused, then flung the deck into the air and pulled a pistol out and shot. He plucked the card with a single hole through the center. “This….” He brandished the card with a flourish “Was not your card!” The audience muttered as brian held up the joker. “Joking, of course” Brian announced. Vince laughed in a totally human and normal way. “Vince, this is your card.” Brian dumped the bullets from the pistol, and caught a single folded card from the chamber. He unfolded it and held up to show vince and the viewers. The ace of hearts. “HOW DID THEY DO THAT!” Vince screamed. “HOW DID THEY DO THAT!” The audience screamed. Orgal wheezed. “How the fuck did they do that” “Magic” His viewscreen answered. Orgal took another drag from his carbon filter. “Borgal’s gonna need to hear about this.”
[WP] Aliens figure that a win over humans will be easy, until they see a human magic show.	To Lord Zafrax The Undiminished, Master of a Billion Stars, Keeper of the Sword of Marjarinal, Spear of Civilization: URGENT TANSMISSION My Lord, Greetings from your humble supplicant and inconsequential servant. At your behest, I reconnoitered the western half of the landmass known as North America. I have submitted to you the logistical calculations you have requested. I visited the desert basin village the locals call Las Vegas as you suggested. An odd place indeed. I humbly confess at first I thought my Lordship said I would find hundreds of humans feeding machines semi-precious metals while performing simulated sex acts on them for hours on end in jest, but as always, my Lord proves infallible. Observing this behavior, I hypothesize this act is a religious ritual, an act of ancestor worship. These hairless monkeys feed the machines in a ritual attempt to bring to life a fallen being. I do not know whether this being was a warrior or a priest or the exact nature of his station. I do however know his name. These humans feed these machines and then give them hand jobs in hopes of summoning their ancestor Jack Pot. They regularly invoke his name. They yell it most vociferously at moments when the machines they have been feeding and molesting for hours malfunction and begin to vomit out the metal they have been fed. This intelligence seems to support our supposition that invasion of this planet will be easy indeed. Unfortunately, I could not follow your suggestion that I catch Celine Diion’s show at her theater. It turns out that she was performing in Paris during my tenure here. Instead bought tickets to another type of human diversion, on that I am indeed glad that I witnessed, for it has shown me the truth about these monkeys, and shown me that our plans to dominate this sphere may prove more difficult than we originally planned. The principles of the show I witnessed were a large male with a very loud booming voice, and a smaller more genteel looking monkey. The smaller one remained mute throughout the performance, although a quick bio-analysis indicates that it had functionality in its vocal cords. My assumption is that the voice of the larger one was so noxiously loud that the smaller one has vowed never to offend the auditory perceptions of his fellow animals again. They had a somewhat amusing act, consisting of them appear to violate the laws of physics. After each attempt to do so, the animals gathered in the stands would do that thing where they violently slapped their palms together. Sometime during the show, the large booming creature said that he and the small dumb one were “hosts” of some sort of information transmission. The code name of the transmission was fashioned after the local colloquial for bovine excrement. After the performance, which ended with the amassed monkeys doing that thing where they stand while slapping their palms together, I returned to my dwelling and was able to find and view the info transmission. The knowledge contained therein has given me pause, and I now debate the entire nature and probability of success for your mission. As you know, we predicated our efforts to dominate this area on the fact that the dominate form of life here was a specie of ape that was prone to believing and perpetuating the most childish and moronic logical fallacies in existence, such as the fact that they may return to life after perishing, that we have actually abducted several of them and returned them to their planet so they may blab about it to others at will, and that some of them have special powers that allow them to violate their biological limitations as well as the physical laws here. After viewing the transmission by these two monkeys, (the small one still doesn’t speak on the transmission, I am at a loss to his function), I have discovered a harrowing fact. All of our assumptions were wrong. These animals do not believe in reincarnation, or ESP, or that we have abducted them only to return them to the planet so they can give interviews to cheaply produced cable news shows… it was all a joke, perpetuated on us! They are actually logical, rational beings. They use reason and rational thought to determine their actions. They simply pretend to be irrational and gullible so they can laugh at the stupidity of it! If these two clowns who pretend to catch bullets with their mouths know the rational and objective truth about reality, then I fear that their thinkers, warriors, and leaders will prove an even more formidable foe than we could have calculated. I peg for pause and a reassessment of our plans for domination of this zone, as some of our operative assumptions appear to have proven grossly inaccurate. Your Humble Servant, Bezroglod	Orgal was exhausted. He had been slumped into his viewing pod then flopped in the next file of earth broadcasts. The screen lit up brightly. “Start viewing season one, episode one, of How Did They Do That, hosted by Vince Offer?” Orgal sighed. “Uhhhh… can I get a summary?” “Hosted by Vince Offer, this early 2000’s live television show featured magic acts by different magicians. Featuring a variety of street and stage performances, it lasted for four seasons and received mixed to positive ratings” Orgal wheezed, then took a drag from his carbon box. “ What’s magic?” “Magic is a force that has been reported in stories on earth for thousands of years. It is a mythical force beyond explaining” Orgal sighed again. “..I guess start viewing?” “Now viewing, season one episode one of How Did They Do That hosted by Vince Offer” The viewscreen lit up brightly. Montages of magic tricks both on street and stage passed by in a flurry of pyrotechnics and Vince Offers hideously crooked grin. The montage finished with a flash, followed by Vince’s sudden appearance on stage and an audience screaming “HOW DID THEY DO THAT” Orgal wheezed again. “Ummmmm….How did they…..” “Magic” Orgal’s viewscreen answered. Orgal wheezed harder. He skipped through commercials for canned cheez and car insurance til he was greeted by Vince Offers unsettling grin. “Guys, we got a great guy in from vegas named Brian, just dragged him right in and POOF!” Vince screamed. The audience screamed. Brian, a criss angel ripoff dragged right from the strip, appeared in a flash. The audience shouted again. “HOW DID THEY DO THAT!” Orgal took a drag from his carbon filter. “Oh shit” Vince Offer was grinning on the screen. “Brian, You got some magic to show us today” Vince gripped brian around the shoulder tightly. Brian looked uncomfortable. “Yeah, sure man, could you just….back up a bit?” Vince let go of him suddenly. A vein throbbed near his temple “Hahaha sure brian! What are you gonna show us today.” Brian rubbed his shoulder. “Uhhhh… Yeah” He spun around real quick, rubbing his shoulder again, then turned and shot the audience a raised eyebrow. “How about some…..magic?” Brian snapped his fingers, and a deck of cards appeared in his hands. The audience oohed. Orgal wheezed. Vince grinned maniacally. “What are you gonna do with that brian?” Vince asked a little too eagerly. “Well, if you’ll just, pick a card” Brian swept his oversprayed hair to the side and fanned the deck of cards with a flourish, then closed his eyes. Vince plucked one sharply, then showed it to the audience. The ace of hearts. Then, he jerked it back into the deck. Brian stepped back, then opened his eyes, and started to shuffle the cards in as many theatrical ways as he could think of while he eyed the audience through thirty layers of eyeshadow. “Vince, what if I told you that…..” Brian paused, then flung the deck into the air and pulled a pistol out and shot. He plucked the card with a single hole through the center. “This….” He brandished the card with a flourish “Was not your card!” The audience muttered as brian held up the joker. “Joking, of course” Brian announced. Vince laughed in a totally human and normal way. “Vince, this is your card.” Brian dumped the bullets from the pistol, and caught a single folded card from the chamber. He unfolded it and held up to show vince and the viewers. The ace of hearts. “HOW DID THEY DO THAT!” Vince screamed. “HOW DID THEY DO THAT!” The audience screamed. Orgal wheezed. “How the fuck did they do that” “Magic” His viewscreen answered. Orgal took another drag from his carbon filter. “Borgal’s gonna need to hear about this.”
[WP] Aliens figure that a win over humans will be easy, until they see a human magic show.	"Oh my stars," said Globnark. "They just sawed a woman in half!" "What?" Interstellar command buzzed with the news. A thousand ambassadors and military strategists leaned forward to hear their alien spy speak. "For what crime?" "No crime! She walked onstage and they put her in a box. Then they sawed her in half and everyone applauded! There was not even a trial!" "Barbaric. It's a sacrifice! To whatever gods they worship." Interstellar command reviewed snapshots their spy had taken outside. The human metropolis was packed with religious imagery like a glass pyramid and and grand, electronic, noisy cathedrals. "Get out of there now, before they cut you, too!" "No, wait! She's alive!" The alien spy took more snapshots. "She's alive and whole! She's been cut and reformed! Resurrected! Shes laughing and smiling!" "Dear lord!" Interstellar command gasped and recoiled. "This is no religious festival---this is a show of power! A demonstration of military might and technological prowess! If we carried out our declaration of war, we would mow them down again and again---only for them to spring back up like blades of grass!" The alien spy shuffled out the theater. "I'm running. It's too dangerous here. I'm stealing some all-you-can-eat shrimp on the way out."	"We have located all of their Nuclear Weapons systems. It will be a trivial task to shut them down," General Bozz-Mnng hissed through his smirking mandibles. "All that remains is to give the order." "Excellent, General Bozz-Mnng! Excellent work!" Overlord Vbbbprt stood up, hivemind control scepter clasped between his sharp, taloned digits. "As Overlord of the MmmmmmmBappi Votonnngwueii T, I hearby give the order to exterminate-" "Overlord Vbbbprt! Urgent news!" Underling Chaaaaaa sputtered, stumbling into the War Chamber haphazardly. His underdeveloped wings twitched nervously at his back. "What is it, Underling Chaaaaaaaa?" Overlord Vbbbprt scowled. "Actually sir, it's just 'Underling Chaaaaaa,' sir." "Very well, Underling Chaaa. What is it? This had better be important." "Sir, it's Underling- oh, nevermind. I have discovered something incredible about these Hugh-manns on their primitive sub-hivemind network that they call the 'Me Tube,' it is truly frightening!" "Impossible, Underling Chaaaaa! We have scoured the Hugh-manns pitiful excuse for a neural-web ten times over and found nothing of value! Nothing!" General Bozz-Mnng spat, feeling slighted in the presence of Overlord Vbbbprt. "It was just submitted recently! It is nnnnnmmmm- Original Content!" Underling Chaaaaaa stuttered, cowering in the shadow of his superiors. "Show us this, 'Original Content' immediately!" Overlord Vbbbprt commanded. Underling Chaaaaaa nervously raised his holo-field projector over his head. On it was displayed a video of an Earthling Magician who proceeded to make several ping-pong balls disappear beneath cups. Overlord Vbbbprt was stunned. "How can they do this? Our analysis of their species indicates that they should have no command over anything but their own pitiful Third dimension, and even that command is limited! They are like infants! Stupid, dumb, infants! General Bozz-Mnng, how many universal laws did this single Hugh-mann just violate!?" "By my count, sir..." General Bozz-Mnng's face turned a shade of mauve. "All of them. All of the laws." "We must know more of this power! What can we learn from this display?" Overlord Vbbbprt hissed through gritted fangs. "It seems that the power may be limited to spherical objects, and that they must be obscured by something larger..." General Bozz-Mnng's face turned a shade of taupe. Overlord Vbbbprt stared incredulously at General Bozz-Mnng. "Where did you advise we land our fleet, General Bozz-Mnng?" "On- on their spherical satellite body, their beloved 'Moooooon,' sir." "Actually it's just 'Moon,' sir." Underling Chaaaaaa chimed in, his voice verging on panic. Overlord Vbbbprt's expression darkened as he looked towards the window of the War Chamber to see the shadow of the Earth creeping across the desolate lunar landscape. "It's eclipsing!" General Bozz-Mnng spat urgently. "Issue a full retreat immediately! All ships! Full retreat!" Overlord Vbbbprt broke into a panic. "How could we have so grossly underestimated them!?" "I don't want to expire and be reborn yet! I'm too young to undergo metamorphosis!" Underling Chaaaaaa cried as he collapsed into a heap on the floor.
[WP] Aliens figure that a win over humans will be easy, until they see a human magic show.	Commander Xandar was twisting himself, trying to find a confortable position to sit on this human designed chair, the purple padding was not helping him find a suitable position for his retracted rear mandible. Damn hairless apes couldn't even design a suitable seating apparatus, they truly deserved to be liberated into oblivion by the Eterniax Empire. His second in command lieutenant Vlextra was gidding like a little child, her neck twitchers moving so much Xandar was affraid she'd draw attention to herself. >Vlextra please, contain yourself. This is a surveillance mission, we are here to blend in and gather intelligence for the invasion. >>Sorry Commander, it's just that this is my first mission undercover, this is just so exciting. >Bah...Waste of time if you ask me, these primitive apes would never stand a chance against the might of the Empire. >>This... gathering... appears very interesting. Did we ever manage to translate that word ? Magic ? What does it mean ? >I'm not sure, the computer is still running translation. Anyway with so many people present in this Palace of Ceasar and the big light displays outside, it must be important. The lights dimmed troughout the room and the curtain was pulled up. There was a loud bang and The Great Fernando appeared onto the stage in a could of smoke. >Short distance teleportation, interesting. We do not have this technology on file for this planet. What do you think lieutenant, plasma based technologie ? Could be a trade they made with the Gorxians. >>Negative sir, the analyser shows no sign of any advanced technology on the stage. Nothing except some rope, wood, water and glass. >Interesting, maybe this visit wasn't such a waste after all. Continue monitoring all tech frequencies. For his first trick, The Great Fernando invited 5 people onto the stage and started questioning them on their ancestors. Holding hands with each of them, he would guess names, dates and even make a table move by itself. Xandar was growing uneasy. >Lieutenant, why were we not aware this specie possesses telepathic abilities ? >>I....I don't know sir. It's not in the data bank. Should we reevaluate the mission sir? >No... we continue as planned, we must collect as much intel as we can. Xandar was sitting on the edge of his chair. His arrogance and pride were starting to vanish, replaced with only questions and doubts. For his next number The Great Fernando would saw his lovely assistant Raquel in half. Xandar could not contain his surprise upon seing the 2 halves of the woman moving like nothing as happening. >What the hell is happening ? >>Sir ? >How is she still alive ? This specie should not survive dismemberment. Do you realise how hard is it to eradicate a dismemberment resistant population lieutenant ? It's exhausting. >>That's not all sir, her legs appear to be sentient as well, look how they move. >Oh great, there are like Plaxianx worms, cut one on half and you get two very angry half-worm trying to kill you back. Are you absolutely sure you do not detect techological triquery that would explain this lieutenant ? >>Nothing sir, negative on all scanners. >Keep monitoring >>Look, he's jamming swords in her legs, that ought to stop them moving but.... it's not doing anything >Great, apparently they also posses a stab resistant, adaptable exoskin. For his third trick, The Great Fernando brought out a giant steel container filled with water and chained himself inside. >Oh.... how nice, a Segariox torture box. I haven't seen one of these in a long time. >>Wow, this brings back memories of the academy. That Plegorian prisoner didn't even last 30 seconds in there before spilling his guts. >Holy shit he got out! Lieutenant ?! >>I....I don't know how he did it sir! >God dammit lieutenent Vlextra that human got out of a Segariox torture box in 37 seconds and you tell me you didn't catch any of that ? >>I'm sorry sir, the scanners are not reading anything that would eplain how he is doing that. >Well that's just great, we can't cut them in half and we can't torture them. This is getting worst by the minute. For his forth act The Great Fernando stood at one and of the stage while his assistant Raquel took aim at him with a loaded pistol. >Well, at least this human sacrifice should redeem this evening. Lets just hope they don't have too much others like him. >>Huh.... sir ? Xandar turned his head to see The Great Fernando smiling, the bullet caught between his teeths. The emotion got the better of him and he stood abrutly, almost failing to conceal his rear mandible. >Are you fucking shitting me !??! >>Sir, please. Sit down, we mustn't draw attention to ourselves. >No but seriously.... They can't be shot, they can't be dismembered, they can't be tortured and they have freaking psychic powers! How the hell are we suppose to liberate these people? For his closing trick, The Great Fernando invited all the little human childrens on stage for a special number just for them. Curious, Xandar got up and followed the other parents to the stage to get a better view. 5 minutes later, Xandar and Vlextra were running away from the Palace of Ceasar and the towers of lights, fleeing toward their ship, their eyes glued wide open by fear. >How the hell did he do that lieutenant ? >>I don't know sir but I'm still freaking out about it! >Did you see his fingers ? >>I know ! He put his hands together and just removed his right index finger like it was nothing. >It was still moving! >>I know!!! >And then the nose, what the hell was that ? >>I don't know! He reached and stole that kid's nose, it was still twitching between his fingers. >The kid was laughing, what maniac beast laughs when you show him his severed nose ? >>I don't know sir but we gotta get back to the ship as quickly as possible and call off this invasion. >This doesn't make any sens, there was nothing about any of this in the galactic data base. These people should be living in caves with sticks and stones lieutenent, freaking sticks and stones. >>I told you buying a used warship was a bad idea, that's what happens, the data base has probably never been updated. Better hope they don't track us back to the homeworld!	"We have located all of their Nuclear Weapons systems. It will be a trivial task to shut them down," General Bozz-Mnng hissed through his smirking mandibles. "All that remains is to give the order." "Excellent, General Bozz-Mnng! Excellent work!" Overlord Vbbbprt stood up, hivemind control scepter clasped between his sharp, taloned digits. "As Overlord of the MmmmmmmBappi Votonnngwueii T, I hearby give the order to exterminate-" "Overlord Vbbbprt! Urgent news!" Underling Chaaaaaa sputtered, stumbling into the War Chamber haphazardly. His underdeveloped wings twitched nervously at his back. "What is it, Underling Chaaaaaaaa?" Overlord Vbbbprt scowled. "Actually sir, it's just 'Underling Chaaaaaa,' sir." "Very well, Underling Chaaa. What is it? This had better be important." "Sir, it's Underling- oh, nevermind. I have discovered something incredible about these Hugh-manns on their primitive sub-hivemind network that they call the 'Me Tube,' it is truly frightening!" "Impossible, Underling Chaaaaa! We have scoured the Hugh-manns pitiful excuse for a neural-web ten times over and found nothing of value! Nothing!" General Bozz-Mnng spat, feeling slighted in the presence of Overlord Vbbbprt. "It was just submitted recently! It is nnnnnmmmm- Original Content!" Underling Chaaaaaa stuttered, cowering in the shadow of his superiors. "Show us this, 'Original Content' immediately!" Overlord Vbbbprt commanded. Underling Chaaaaaa nervously raised his holo-field projector over his head. On it was displayed a video of an Earthling Magician who proceeded to make several ping-pong balls disappear beneath cups. Overlord Vbbbprt was stunned. "How can they do this? Our analysis of their species indicates that they should have no command over anything but their own pitiful Third dimension, and even that command is limited! They are like infants! Stupid, dumb, infants! General Bozz-Mnng, how many universal laws did this single Hugh-mann just violate!?" "By my count, sir..." General Bozz-Mnng's face turned a shade of mauve. "All of them. All of the laws." "We must know more of this power! What can we learn from this display?" Overlord Vbbbprt hissed through gritted fangs. "It seems that the power may be limited to spherical objects, and that they must be obscured by something larger..." General Bozz-Mnng's face turned a shade of taupe. Overlord Vbbbprt stared incredulously at General Bozz-Mnng. "Where did you advise we land our fleet, General Bozz-Mnng?" "On- on their spherical satellite body, their beloved 'Moooooon,' sir." "Actually it's just 'Moon,' sir." Underling Chaaaaaa chimed in, his voice verging on panic. Overlord Vbbbprt's expression darkened as he looked towards the window of the War Chamber to see the shadow of the Earth creeping across the desolate lunar landscape. "It's eclipsing!" General Bozz-Mnng spat urgently. "Issue a full retreat immediately! All ships! Full retreat!" Overlord Vbbbprt broke into a panic. "How could we have so grossly underestimated them!?" "I don't want to expire and be reborn yet! I'm too young to undergo metamorphosis!" Underling Chaaaaaa cried as he collapsed into a heap on the floor.
[WP] Aliens figure that a win over humans will be easy, until they see a human magic show.	Commander Xandar was twisting himself, trying to find a confortable position to sit on this human designed chair, the purple padding was not helping him find a suitable position for his retracted rear mandible. Damn hairless apes couldn't even design a suitable seating apparatus, they truly deserved to be liberated into oblivion by the Eterniax Empire. His second in command lieutenant Vlextra was gidding like a little child, her neck twitchers moving so much Xandar was affraid she'd draw attention to herself. >Vlextra please, contain yourself. This is a surveillance mission, we are here to blend in and gather intelligence for the invasion. >>Sorry Commander, it's just that this is my first mission undercover, this is just so exciting. >Bah...Waste of time if you ask me, these primitive apes would never stand a chance against the might of the Empire. >>This... gathering... appears very interesting. Did we ever manage to translate that word ? Magic ? What does it mean ? >I'm not sure, the computer is still running translation. Anyway with so many people present in this Palace of Ceasar and the big light displays outside, it must be important. The lights dimmed troughout the room and the curtain was pulled up. There was a loud bang and The Great Fernando appeared onto the stage in a could of smoke. >Short distance teleportation, interesting. We do not have this technology on file for this planet. What do you think lieutenant, plasma based technologie ? Could be a trade they made with the Gorxians. >>Negative sir, the analyser shows no sign of any advanced technology on the stage. Nothing except some rope, wood, water and glass. >Interesting, maybe this visit wasn't such a waste after all. Continue monitoring all tech frequencies. For his first trick, The Great Fernando invited 5 people onto the stage and started questioning them on their ancestors. Holding hands with each of them, he would guess names, dates and even make a table move by itself. Xandar was growing uneasy. >Lieutenant, why were we not aware this specie possesses telepathic abilities ? >>I....I don't know sir. It's not in the data bank. Should we reevaluate the mission sir? >No... we continue as planned, we must collect as much intel as we can. Xandar was sitting on the edge of his chair. His arrogance and pride were starting to vanish, replaced with only questions and doubts. For his next number The Great Fernando would saw his lovely assistant Raquel in half. Xandar could not contain his surprise upon seing the 2 halves of the woman moving like nothing as happening. >What the hell is happening ? >>Sir ? >How is she still alive ? This specie should not survive dismemberment. Do you realise how hard is it to eradicate a dismemberment resistant population lieutenant ? It's exhausting. >>That's not all sir, her legs appear to be sentient as well, look how they move. >Oh great, there are like Plaxianx worms, cut one on half and you get two very angry half-worm trying to kill you back. Are you absolutely sure you do not detect techological triquery that would explain this lieutenant ? >>Nothing sir, negative on all scanners. >Keep monitoring >>Look, he's jamming swords in her legs, that ought to stop them moving but.... it's not doing anything >Great, apparently they also posses a stab resistant, adaptable exoskin. For his third trick, The Great Fernando brought out a giant steel container filled with water and chained himself inside. >Oh.... how nice, a Segariox torture box. I haven't seen one of these in a long time. >>Wow, this brings back memories of the academy. That Plegorian prisoner didn't even last 30 seconds in there before spilling his guts. >Holy shit he got out! Lieutenant ?! >>I....I don't know how he did it sir! >God dammit lieutenent Vlextra that human got out of a Segariox torture box in 37 seconds and you tell me you didn't catch any of that ? >>I'm sorry sir, the scanners are not reading anything that would eplain how he is doing that. >Well that's just great, we can't cut them in half and we can't torture them. This is getting worst by the minute. For his forth act The Great Fernando stood at one and of the stage while his assistant Raquel took aim at him with a loaded pistol. >Well, at least this human sacrifice should redeem this evening. Lets just hope they don't have too much others like him. >>Huh.... sir ? Xandar turned his head to see The Great Fernando smiling, the bullet caught between his teeths. The emotion got the better of him and he stood abrutly, almost failing to conceal his rear mandible. >Are you fucking shitting me !??! >>Sir, please. Sit down, we mustn't draw attention to ourselves. >No but seriously.... They can't be shot, they can't be dismembered, they can't be tortured and they have freaking psychic powers! How the hell are we suppose to liberate these people? For his closing trick, The Great Fernando invited all the little human childrens on stage for a special number just for them. Curious, Xandar got up and followed the other parents to the stage to get a better view. 5 minutes later, Xandar and Vlextra were running away from the Palace of Ceasar and the towers of lights, fleeing toward their ship, their eyes glued wide open by fear. >How the hell did he do that lieutenant ? >>I don't know sir but I'm still freaking out about it! >Did you see his fingers ? >>I know ! He put his hands together and just removed his right index finger like it was nothing. >It was still moving! >>I know!!! >And then the nose, what the hell was that ? >>I don't know! He reached and stole that kid's nose, it was still twitching between his fingers. >The kid was laughing, what maniac beast laughs when you show him his severed nose ? >>I don't know sir but we gotta get back to the ship as quickly as possible and call off this invasion. >This doesn't make any sens, there was nothing about any of this in the galactic data base. These people should be living in caves with sticks and stones lieutenent, freaking sticks and stones. >>I told you buying a used warship was a bad idea, that's what happens, the data base has probably never been updated. Better hope they don't track us back to the homeworld!	"Come quick!" Digni shouted at Klixi, his diplomatic counterpart as he ascended the stairs to the theatre. It wasn't long until the performance started, as they said first-row seats were of utmost importance. "May I invite: Mr Henry Abacroft!" the emcee excitedly revealed the world-famous magician. Well, not famous to them. Digni raised his eyebrows. "Pretentious," was all he had to add. "For my first act," Henry showed off a large container, "I'm going to put myself in here and cut the container up." True to his word the container was sawn apart as he lay inside, but as the container reattached he sprung out, unblemished. A thought that Digni feared came into his mind. Could they...heal wounds instantly? "Next, I'll be doing some stuff with cards," he pulled a deck out of his pocket. With a human volunteer, cards magically appeared and disappeared as the aliens watched spellbound. They could shift item places too? Telepathically? "Finally! The most stunning act!" the emcee roared as Henry lay inside a locked and sealed iron vault, chained as the vault was cast into a 10 metre deep tank. As the minutes went by, the bad feelings Digni had was dispelling. No one could stop drowning. It was impossible. From the depths of the tank a hand shot out. Then his face, the chains gone and the vault open. The crowd rose to their feet in applause as the aliens beat a hasty retreat. "Tell them we can't invade them," Digni said breathlessly, "They can literally breathe under water." The audience waited until the two were out of earshot to laugh. "What made you suspicious Henry?" the FBI head asked, many world lesders attending the prevention of another invasion. Henry shrugged. "I'm getting the hang of it. It never gets old, does it?" He stopped, his eyes looking sadly at the escaping aliens. "What if it gets old?" was the same question every year, a question no one knew how to answer. They only knew to hope. ______________________________ More over at r/Whale62! Sequels by popular request!
[WP] Aliens figure that a win over humans will be easy, until they see a human magic show.	To Lord Zafrax The Undiminished, Master of a Billion Stars, Keeper of the Sword of Marjarinal, Spear of Civilization: URGENT TANSMISSION My Lord, Greetings from your humble supplicant and inconsequential servant. At your behest, I reconnoitered the western half of the landmass known as North America. I have submitted to you the logistical calculations you have requested. I visited the desert basin village the locals call Las Vegas as you suggested. An odd place indeed. I humbly confess at first I thought my Lordship said I would find hundreds of humans feeding machines semi-precious metals while performing simulated sex acts on them for hours on end in jest, but as always, my Lord proves infallible. Observing this behavior, I hypothesize this act is a religious ritual, an act of ancestor worship. These hairless monkeys feed the machines in a ritual attempt to bring to life a fallen being. I do not know whether this being was a warrior or a priest or the exact nature of his station. I do however know his name. These humans feed these machines and then give them hand jobs in hopes of summoning their ancestor Jack Pot. They regularly invoke his name. They yell it most vociferously at moments when the machines they have been feeding and molesting for hours malfunction and begin to vomit out the metal they have been fed. This intelligence seems to support our supposition that invasion of this planet will be easy indeed. Unfortunately, I could not follow your suggestion that I catch Celine Diion’s show at her theater. It turns out that she was performing in Paris during my tenure here. Instead bought tickets to another type of human diversion, on that I am indeed glad that I witnessed, for it has shown me the truth about these monkeys, and shown me that our plans to dominate this sphere may prove more difficult than we originally planned. The principles of the show I witnessed were a large male with a very loud booming voice, and a smaller more genteel looking monkey. The smaller one remained mute throughout the performance, although a quick bio-analysis indicates that it had functionality in its vocal cords. My assumption is that the voice of the larger one was so noxiously loud that the smaller one has vowed never to offend the auditory perceptions of his fellow animals again. They had a somewhat amusing act, consisting of them appear to violate the laws of physics. After each attempt to do so, the animals gathered in the stands would do that thing where they violently slapped their palms together. Sometime during the show, the large booming creature said that he and the small dumb one were “hosts” of some sort of information transmission. The code name of the transmission was fashioned after the local colloquial for bovine excrement. After the performance, which ended with the amassed monkeys doing that thing where they stand while slapping their palms together, I returned to my dwelling and was able to find and view the info transmission. The knowledge contained therein has given me pause, and I now debate the entire nature and probability of success for your mission. As you know, we predicated our efforts to dominate this area on the fact that the dominate form of life here was a specie of ape that was prone to believing and perpetuating the most childish and moronic logical fallacies in existence, such as the fact that they may return to life after perishing, that we have actually abducted several of them and returned them to their planet so they may blab about it to others at will, and that some of them have special powers that allow them to violate their biological limitations as well as the physical laws here. After viewing the transmission by these two monkeys, (the small one still doesn’t speak on the transmission, I am at a loss to his function), I have discovered a harrowing fact. All of our assumptions were wrong. These animals do not believe in reincarnation, or ESP, or that we have abducted them only to return them to the planet so they can give interviews to cheaply produced cable news shows… it was all a joke, perpetuated on us! They are actually logical, rational beings. They use reason and rational thought to determine their actions. They simply pretend to be irrational and gullible so they can laugh at the stupidity of it! If these two clowns who pretend to catch bullets with their mouths know the rational and objective truth about reality, then I fear that their thinkers, warriors, and leaders will prove an even more formidable foe than we could have calculated. I peg for pause and a reassessment of our plans for domination of this zone, as some of our operative assumptions appear to have proven grossly inaccurate. Your Humble Servant, Bezroglod	"Come quick!" Digni shouted at Klixi, his diplomatic counterpart as he ascended the stairs to the theatre. It wasn't long until the performance started, as they said first-row seats were of utmost importance. "May I invite: Mr Henry Abacroft!" the emcee excitedly revealed the world-famous magician. Well, not famous to them. Digni raised his eyebrows. "Pretentious," was all he had to add. "For my first act," Henry showed off a large container, "I'm going to put myself in here and cut the container up." True to his word the container was sawn apart as he lay inside, but as the container reattached he sprung out, unblemished. A thought that Digni feared came into his mind. Could they...heal wounds instantly? "Next, I'll be doing some stuff with cards," he pulled a deck out of his pocket. With a human volunteer, cards magically appeared and disappeared as the aliens watched spellbound. They could shift item places too? Telepathically? "Finally! The most stunning act!" the emcee roared as Henry lay inside a locked and sealed iron vault, chained as the vault was cast into a 10 metre deep tank. As the minutes went by, the bad feelings Digni had was dispelling. No one could stop drowning. It was impossible. From the depths of the tank a hand shot out. Then his face, the chains gone and the vault open. The crowd rose to their feet in applause as the aliens beat a hasty retreat. "Tell them we can't invade them," Digni said breathlessly, "They can literally breathe under water." The audience waited until the two were out of earshot to laugh. "What made you suspicious Henry?" the FBI head asked, many world lesders attending the prevention of another invasion. Henry shrugged. "I'm getting the hang of it. It never gets old, does it?" He stopped, his eyes looking sadly at the escaping aliens. "What if it gets old?" was the same question every year, a question no one knew how to answer. They only knew to hope. ______________________________ More over at r/Whale62! Sequels by popular request!
[WP] You're the first scientist to make a travel to another dimension. Upon arriving you notice that music in this dimension has the power to control humans and their behaviour and is therefor completly banned. You decide to screw around with the 60GB of music saved on your phone.	When I first found the power music had in this world, I was getting pulled over for a speeding ticket. I had turned from some of my 'normal' tunes for a quick fix of Bob Marley. It was an honest mistake, really. But the music was playing, and suddenly a deputy was standing there with a glazed expression on their face, having just shot the sheriff. I may have made a run for it at that point. Since then, I used the app on my phone to download select songs from home. How did it work? Apparently the quantum tunneling device that allowed me to come here left a link that signals could get through, if you knew what to look for. Anyways, I may have been a bit childish with some of my music choices. See, it started with just stealing. Walked up to an armored car and hopped in the back as they were unloading. That British rock group Unbelievable Truth kept them in the dark as they were commanded to 'Forget About Me'. So the next stop, I simply walked off with all the cash I could carry. But it didn't stop there. I'd had a taste of power, and knew that there was more I could do. More that I wanted. You could tell whenever I had a problem with someone by the string of suicides I left behind. Impaled Nazarene's 'Kill Yourself' was the most effective tool I had for getting annoying police or reporters out of my way. Oh, I'm not alone. Not any more. Yeah, I may have gone and visited a few stars. Shakira, Yaya Han, Summer Glau, Asa Akira, and a couple others. Britney Spears was the first, though, mainly out of the twisted sense of irony I got when I played her own song to her. One hit of 'I'm a Slave 4 U', and, well...	The Oval Office. Always wanted to see it first-hand; I mean, technically speaking, the achievement of this scientific breakthrough should have -- by all rights -- meant that I would visit it fairly soon, but... well... the current administration doesn't seem particularly impressed by scientific knowledge, prefering more esoteric opinions to, you know, fact. I digress. Here, in this shadow-wreathed alternative reality, this mirror of mirrors, where angles are round and humans are merely distorted shimmerings in those three physical dimensions we normally occupy, here... the Oval Office is nothing more than another room, accessed by any door. I step up to the iconic desk, past the iconic couch, eyeing the iconic chair and the iconic view. I'll stop saying 'iconic' now; it's hard to find the appropriate words, though, because sounds work differently here. They have power, in a way. I hesitate to call it 'magic', because the scientist in me rebels at the thought, but... it would certainly explain a lot of things through history. There are so many things we thought we knew, things we thought impossible, things which can maybe me explained by understanding this place. This power, of course, comes with great responsibility. When a word can change the shape of the world, imagine the power of music. I take out my phone and plug the charger into the outlet behind the desk; then the micro-USB into my phone. Fiddle-fiddle, apps, Spotify. Surprisingly, I have better reception here than I ever did back "home". I'll just have to make sure to upgrade to an unlimited data plan. Ah, the sacrifices one must make for the sake of humanity. Fiddle-fiddle, search, Queen. I find the song, I press "play", and put the phone down. My work here is done, and maybe, just maybe I will return to a slightly better world. As I open the door, I find that this time it leads to an old church building, somewhere in Italy judging by the inscription on the plaque just ahead of me, attached to the stone pillar. I step through to wherever, humming along with the song: "I want to break free..."
[WP] You clean your daughters room and find a gun and a machete.	At first, I was in shock. My daughter had... well... all of this. Just sitting there. What do I do? The gun wasn't anything special, though I couldn't tell where she could have gotten it from. She had ammo stored nearby to the gun. Luckily, it wasn't loaded. The machete was even stranger. Unless she planned on adventuring into the Amazon soon, the only reason for it would be... My daughter is a serial killer. I dug a little farther, searching for a motive, or any targets. The closet was the first place I checked. It smelled like rotting human flesh. Because there was rotting human flesh. I couldn't recognize the man. His body was covered in slashes, from the machete no doubt, and he had a bullet wound in the side of his head. Blood was oozing out of several holes, and it was probably staining the carpet. I looked up from the body, disgusted, only to see something else. A shrine. To me. Just then, I heard the door to the room slam open. My daughter knew that I had found her secret. I turned to face her. "Dad, Omigosh. What are you doing?" "Charolette, is all of this yours?" She fell silent for a minute. "Yeah, dad. It is." I was completely taken aback. She admitted to murdering a man and defiling his corpse. What could I say to my daughter now, after what she'd done? "You know, the blood is going to stain the carpet." "Oh." "If someone were to find out, you would get caught." "Yeah." The tension was so thick that you could cut it with a knife. Or a machete. "You know, I know the best place to dispose of a body. Do you wanna come and help?" Her face lit up. "Yes! Dad, of course! Thank you!" We managed to get the body into the trunk of my car without a hitch. Once the body was safely in the river, I turned to give my daughter a hug. "Well then, Charolette. Welcome to the family business."	Finally after hours of waiting for my daughter to come home I was starting to get worried. I started thinking all kinds of bad things. Did my daughter leave with out her weapons and end up getting killed without them? My mind was racing. Finally she walked in the door, and I said to her "You're grounded no more weapons for you and go to your room."
[WP] You accidentally summon a demon by trying to pronounce Ikea product names.	You sigh, scratching your stomach absently. There aren't nearly enough meatballs in one plate to satisfy. Two plates might make a decent snack, but it would take at least ten to even begin to dull the aching edge of hunger. She always insists it's not healthy for you to have so many, smiling sweetly as she orders you one plate. You sigh, wistful as you follow her away from the line and the warming pan full of meatballs. Half the food on your plate is hardly edible. Why is it so very important that you consume green beans, again? There are just some things more filling than others, though it's never really enough. She teases that you wouldn't stop until you ate Ikea out of business if she let you. Smile at her, faintly, as you force yourself to savor the meal. The wandering begins soon after. You're not sure how long the two of you have been coming to this place, inspecting furnishings and fixtures neither of you seems to need. It's practically a ritual; consume a plate of meatballs, wander the labyrinthine showrooms, remark on this piece or that, then return home. You can never quite recall when you took her as a companion. It has been some time, though. She is stoop-shouldered with wild, woolly gray hair sprouting every which way from her head. Today it's a bit tamer, straining the bounds of the waist-length braid. She taps her cane, sweeping it in an arc ahead of her, eyes fixed ahead. She is not the easiest companion. That she insists on monitoring your meals is enough to frustrate, but she herself unsettles you in ways you cannot pin down. It is the small gestures, like how she grips your arm when children are nearby. The fact that every single meal comes only through her. The tremor you can never quite shake whenever she turns those empty blue eyes on you. You pass through bedrooms for the third time this week. You like to linger here, but she always walks a little faster, the ball at the tip of her cane scraping over the floor double-time. A bit of obstinacy flares. There's quite a crowd today and a gentleman about your size is walking alongside. You match your steps to his, masking the sound of your feet, and slowly drop back. He takes your place immediately, weaving and merging through the crowd to get ahead. You have not bought yourself long, but it is something of a satisfaction to see her pick up her pace to follow the fellow. She will figure it out soon enough. For now you retrace your steps to the bedrooms, standing in the middle of some diva child's pink paradise. A little girl drags on the hand of an adult, pleading something or other. A little boy scoffs, tugging in the direction of a tunnel tented loft-bed fortress. Absently, you consider returning to the food court. Perhaps you can sneak another couple plates of meatballs before she finds you. The tag on a child-sized vanity catches your eye. You've seen it a few times before and each time there is a strange twinge in your gut, but you never get to linger much. You check over your shoulder but there's no sign of her yet. You squat by the table and turn the tag over, underlining the words with your finger. The letters tug at you. You run the syllables over your tongue, but they don't feel quite right. You flatten the vowels a bit, but no better. You try rounding them out and shoving them together. That feels closer. You take a deep breath, blurting the five-syllable name as three syllables. For a moment, you feel utterly ridiculous. You are a grown man squatting in front of a little girl's vanity, muttering a Swedish name you don't even-- No. You know it now that you have heard it correctly. There is a faint echo in your mind and so you repeat the word. The mirror on the vanity cracks. But there is no sound. The mirror has not cracked, your own face has cracked. A black line runs from the corner of your eye down to your chin. As you repeat the name, the crack shoots off in all directions, like a spiderweb snaking across your skin. After a fourth repetition of the name you know to be yours, bits begin to flake off. Someone is screaming, but you are fascinated as first your lips, then your nose and cheeks crack apart and fall off. There is nothing underneath. You can see to the back of this hollow shell where light begins to show through. In an instant, you are aware of exactly how many children are in the building. You begin to recall things. Pleasant feelings. The cries of small humans silenced in the night, little bodies left stone cold and wide eyed for the morning light to find. The small, glowing embers of their souls warmed your hollowness, giving you substance for days at a time. As pieces emerge from the fog, you wonder why you bothered to suppress yourself. You could have gone ages more like this, stranded and always hungry, always empty, never knowing why. On mere chance you found yourself drawn to this place where the language of your region is so accessible, recalling from a simple piece of furniture fragments of your own name. Is that why you always return? "I wondered when it might be." You have only a few bits and pieces of shell clinging to your outline and as you turn to face her, these last bits fall off. There has already been a stampede out of the area, but you still know where each child is, and now no one can see you. All that stands between you and your first real meal in decades is her. Her hands rest on top of the stick, one folded over the other, her head tilted to the side. "It was not enough to observe you, you know. You buried yourself deep so I couldn't learn from you that way." Uneasiness pricks through the immediate hunger. This face is familiar but the fog around it is slow to part. "There's not very much information about your kind. It took so much research. We had to come to the states. I had to bring you and watch you every day." It takes a moment to register that she is not speaking English the way she has the past several... decades. She has been with you for decades. Ever since you left... and she followed. And she speaks the tongue of your region, down to the local dialect. "It took even longer to prepare. Time is the only way, in this case." She lets her cane fall to the ground, her hands still folded in front of her. "But I have no regrets. Tell me, are you hungry?" A tear-stained face flashes through your mind, distorted with rage. Four little bodies, still and stiffening. The wrong house. You came to the wrong house. She had more knowledge than the other villagers. Even so, she could not destroy you, but she came so very close... You move back, readying to flee. A lapse, and you know it as the air about you displaces. Faster than thought she has lunged forward and grasped you, empty eyes staring straight through to the wall. "Are you hungry?" she asks again. "How much can you hold?" Then seals her mouth across your face as the full, blazing fire of her aged soul pours into the aching emptiness, straining you, stretching, swelling to burst...	I have brought dishonor upon myself, my house, my ancestors, and my cow. I roll my ceremonial towel across the floor of the store, in front of all who have witnessed my shame. I kneel before the dragon and beg that it see my final act of repentance as I draw my tanto and prepare myself for the steely end. With one swift plunge, I put an end to my shame and suffering. I found a way to get out of building the furniture for the wife. Thank you dragon.
[WP] You accidentally summon a demon by trying to pronounce Ikea product names.	"I'm sorry," I said, for what had to be the tenth time since the interview started. "What am I here to do, again? Exactly?" The manager of the IKEA, a pugnacious and pot-bellied little man settling unpleasantly into middle age, turned his head to glare back at me. "Get rid of the pests!" he repeated, clarifying absolutely nothing. The fluorescent lights glinted off his bald egg of a head, piercing through the meager hairs that attempted to cover the expanse of sweaty scalp. "You have pest experience, yes?" I winced. Back in college, as I worked far too optimistically towards my liberal arts degree, I'd had to deal with several rodential beasties that infiltrated the half-dilapidated house where I'd landed such a compelling deal on rent. My skills at catching rats with overturned laundry baskets and swatting bats out of the air with tennis rackets soon became well known among the female community, and landed me several invitations to sorority houses (although they never turned out quite like my imagination suggested). It had been my buddy, Nate, who suggested that I stick this fact onto my resume. "Come on, at least it's something!" he pointed out, crumpling up another beer can and tossing it onto its fellows in the recycling bin. "And really, no one reads resumes any longer. They just look to see if they're 'busy' enough." I sat at the table nearby, wincing as I tapped my pencil against my lips, looking down at the sadly empty page. "Yeah, okay," I finally decided, jotting it down. "Maybe I'll just have to go to Home Depot and pick up some traps." Now, following after the manager as his yellow shirt led me deeper into the bowels of IKEA, I had the sneaking suspicion that I'd made a terrible mistake. Each time I looked down at the implements he'd pressed into my hands, this suspicion grew stronger. "I'm hunting pests," I repeated. "But shouldn't I be using traps? What's with... these?" The manager just snorted. Apparently, I no longer deserved the use of words. Equally apparent was that I was the only candidate desperate enough to take on this job. And he was right, there. Months of failing to land any cushy office work eventually led me, at my wits' end, to start casting a wider net. And hell, at this point I was more than happy to sell a family with screaming toddlers on a crappily made, overpriced set of living room furniture if it meant putting food in my sadly bare fridge. "Yes, we have one," the manager suddenly announced. He spun on one foot, so quickly that I nearly collided with him. His finger stabbed out, pointing to one of the objects he'd shoved into my hands. "See the glow?" I stared down in shock at the metal crucifix, which I'd assumed that I was putting away where it would be for sale as the Bjorn-Tuun. About eight inches in length, it now emitted a pale glow, and felt slightly warm in my hand. I nearly dropped it. "What's going on?" I stammered. Was this some sort of a joke? The manager, meanwhile, was looking around. "Ah! There!" He pointed down a hallway between two shelves stacked tall with boxes. Following his finger, I thought I caught a glimpse of movement in the shadows. "Pest!" "What? Is it a rat or something?" "No! You go, get rid of it!" And he gave me a shove in that direction with a sweaty hand. I had no idea what was happening. I guessed that the smart move here was probably to drop the crucifix, as well as the other object the manager had shoved into my hands, and get the hell out of here. Maybe working for McDonald's wouldn't be quite so horrible, after all. But I'm kind of known for making stupid decisions. Why stop now? I shifted around the objects in my hands. I held the crucifix in my off-hand, and tugged at the handle of the other object. With a soft hiss, the blade slipped free of its scabbard, which I dropped, not having a third hand to hold onto it. The sword was a little under three feet long, with a cross-shaped hilt. It felt strangely light in my hand. I had no idea why IKEA believed that a sword was a good idea for killing rats, but if I impressed my boss, I could get the job - and then switch over to normal rat traps. I came around the corner of the warehouse. The glowing crucifix freaked me out, but it at least provided some illumination. I held it up, seeing movement ahead. I hefted the sword, getting ready to strike at- -at a tiny little red humanoid, squirming around as it flapped tiny batlike leather wings, waving what looked like an oversized fork?? "What the hell?" I gasped out, jumping back, staring down at the thing with wide eyes. "Yes, Hell!" shouted the manager, from behind me. "Strike! Pest!" The little demon - and what else could it be? What was going on, was I losing my mind? - cackled, a high little tone that grated at my ears like nails on a chalkboard. Hefting that fork - no, a trident! Three tines! - it leapt at me. Instinctively, I swung the sword at it, even as I struggled to not close my eyes. Somehow, I hit. The sword flashed through the demon with a sound like steam escaping from a kettle. There was a brief flash of white, and then the little red creature was falling back. Even as it lurched away, its body disintegrated into a tiny little pile of ash. "What the he- heck is going on?" I cried out, spinning around to look at the IKEA manager. "What was that? Was that a demon? Am I being drugged?" "Drugs?" he repeated, frowning. "No drugs. We test for that. But yes, you did a good job with the pests! You are hired! You kill these when they come. Cross shows you where they are." "But where do they come from?" I asked, sensing the man was about to turn away. He frowned at me, like I'd asked an especially stupid question. "Hell, of course. Demons. Summoned by name." "But who's saying their names?" His finger stabbed out. "You! Stupid shoppers, cannot even pronounce the names of the furniture! Summon demons instead!" "What, when we say Torboonsin, it's summoning up-" I didn't even finish the sentence. A loud poof went off near me, and something cackled near my ear. Instinctively, my hand came up - the one holding the sword. "See?" said the manager, as dust rained down on me. "Your job is to get rid of them. And don't let customers see!" A glint came into his eye. "Fifteen dollars an hour, if you keep your mouth shut!" I didn't hesitate any longer. That was worth any amount of weirdness. "Deal." "Great." He turned away. "Talk to HR at the end of the day. And don't let them lick you." "Wait, what happens if they lick-" But the manager was already gone. I looked down at the crucifix in my hands. I'd never been especially religious, but maybe the cross didn't know that? In any case, it was still glowing. I tightened my grip on the sword. Oh well. Time to go to work. More stories at /r/Romanticon	I have brought dishonor upon myself, my house, my ancestors, and my cow. I roll my ceremonial towel across the floor of the store, in front of all who have witnessed my shame. I kneel before the dragon and beg that it see my final act of repentance as I draw my tanto and prepare myself for the steely end. With one swift plunge, I put an end to my shame and suffering. I found a way to get out of building the furniture for the wife. Thank you dragon.
[WP] You accidentally summon a demon by trying to pronounce Ikea product names.	And there it was, my new bookshelf, a few days too early. You see, my husband was away on business, and as much as I don't want to subscribe to gender stereotypes, he was the one who usually handles these sort of things. The doorbell rang. It was my nosy neighbour Francine. "Was that a delivery truck I spotted earlier? What did you get? Is Garrett back?" She tries to peer around me. "Yup, it was. A bookshelf. And no, he isn't." "That's a shame. Otherwise he could help you with it. He's so good with his hands." Don't punch an old lady, don't do it. "Yes well, thanks for that. Got to go, lots to do." I close the door in her face. Good with his hands huh? Who the hell talks that way about someone else's husband? God I needed a drink. I pour myself a glass of Chianti and settled in for another episode of the bachelorette. Yes, I watch keeping up with the kardashians too. Bite me. The Chianti floods my body, sweeping through my insides, leaving traces of warmth everywhere. I giggle my way through the show, wistfully remembering the days where Garrett would plan spontaneous dates and shower me with love and affection. Now he showers me with his sleep apnea induced snoring. After the show was done, I realised I was a fair bit tipsy. Being tipsy sometimes means making bad decisions, like deciding to build ikea furniture. I grabbed the instruction sheet and giggled at the product name. What the hell was this? Brusali? Sounds like some kind of pasta. I say it again a few times, laughing. God I should have gone for the Billy. Then i could have said, 'i need to get home to Billy' and people would think I was having a torrid affair. "Why are you laughing like that?" I look up to see this most gorgeous shirtless man, with salt and pepper hair, and abs for days. I stare shamelessly before realising that this was a strange man, in my house. "Did you break in?" "You conjured me. I am here to tempt you to sin." "Come again?" He looked at me, a bored lazy look on his face. "I am a demon. Does that paint a clearer picture?" "Right. I think I had too much wine." "Are you ready to fall?" "More like barf." "I mean fall into sin." "What was in that wine?" I stumble away from him, running into the kitchen for some water. He follows me, leaning lazily against the counter, watching as I gulped down some water and splashed my face with the rest of it. "You don't look like a demon." "How would you know? Have u seen one before?" Good point. "Can you please leave?" "Does the word demon mean anything to you?" As I stared at him, and he stared back, I knew one thing for certain: I was never shopping at Ikea again.	I have brought dishonor upon myself, my house, my ancestors, and my cow. I roll my ceremonial towel across the floor of the store, in front of all who have witnessed my shame. I kneel before the dragon and beg that it see my final act of repentance as I draw my tanto and prepare myself for the steely end. With one swift plunge, I put an end to my shame and suffering. I found a way to get out of building the furniture for the wife. Thank you dragon.
[WP] You accidentally summon a demon by trying to pronounce Ikea product names.	Let's sing a song about a kid Lost and found is where his ends meet Wanted to show the whole world how cool he is By buying the best shit money can get, why not just stick with meat? So he went to a mall open for all Trying to find the coolest thing to buy, coolest sounding of all Bumping his head phones up, he enters Ikea Doesn't have any fuckin idea where he's heading, still bossin and crossin The names don't make much sense, kids got the vocab of evanescence Doesn't mind what the store clerks yell to him He goes to the far end of the corridor that's lighted less Dark things allure me, thinks the kid thinking of azkaban Stupid Harry Potter stuff doesn't help him cope with what's up next He goes to the only item on the last shelf and reads it's name, Appears Michael Jackson's demon, the item is 'Shamona! Kid's white dream play set." If it's too rude and long pardon me, I'm not a rapper nor am I a poet I'm just a Bee Making bitchy ass tunes out of thin air for fuck's sake Hope it's funny and you like it; have a nice day! Lok.	I have brought dishonor upon myself, my house, my ancestors, and my cow. I roll my ceremonial towel across the floor of the store, in front of all who have witnessed my shame. I kneel before the dragon and beg that it see my final act of repentance as I draw my tanto and prepare myself for the steely end. With one swift plunge, I put an end to my shame and suffering. I found a way to get out of building the furniture for the wife. Thank you dragon.
[WP] You accidentally summon a demon by trying to pronounce Ikea product names.	My man. Let me tell you a story. A true story, about a brotha being jumped by a demon at the local IKEA. It's absolutely true and y'all better sit down and listen. I was strolling through the IKEA, looking for gardening tools to maintain my wife's garden. She was the type of woman to go off on someone hard if they didn't maintain her garden. I'm not one to judge, so I just decided to pick up and leave to the local IKEA. Besides, it's only a five minute drive. I eventually found a power drill and decided to get my ass outta there before the lines became too long and caused my wife to come home with a trashed garden. We wouldn't want that happening. I was just walking through one of the many luxurious furniture aisles to return to the checkout area when I noticed the labels. Goddamn, those were some broke ass labels. I mean they were literally broke and financially couldn't support themselves. The labels were so hard to pronounce, I was goddamn sure that if I pronounced one of them wrong it would summon a demon, or something! I walked up to a bureau and read the label in my mind. "Suckamah Wood". What the hell? That seriously sounds like "suck on my wood". Bro, that's nasty! But it was funny; so I decided to read it out loud for a quick giggle. "Zhuckamynut", I mumbled. Shit! I said it wrong. Eh, not like it goddamn matters. Suddenly, a giant cloud of smoke appeared in front of me. Only a few moments later, the smoke dispersed, revealing a big half-horse half-devil creature. He had big horns and a bushy dick. I tried to feel his dick but he kicked my hand away with his giant hooves. "Bitch! I'm the Centaur of IKEA. Why the hell you summon me here?" "Goddamn, sir", I remarked respectfully, "I didn't mean to summon you. I was just trying to read this bureau label." "Well shit. You summoned me accidentally?" "You got that part right." "Then I need to go." And poof, just like that, the big nig was gone. I'm gonna miss that big guy, but it's nice knowing that I can summon the bitch whenever I try to save my failing marriage at IKEA.	I have brought dishonor upon myself, my house, my ancestors, and my cow. I roll my ceremonial towel across the floor of the store, in front of all who have witnessed my shame. I kneel before the dragon and beg that it see my final act of repentance as I draw my tanto and prepare myself for the steely end. With one swift plunge, I put an end to my shame and suffering. I found a way to get out of building the furniture for the wife. Thank you dragon.

Subsets and Splits

No community queries yet

The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.