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CleanComedy

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Did you hear the rumour about butter? Never mind, I better not spread it.
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What car does Boba Fett drive? A ManDeLorean.
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Who needs a wife anyway? How hard can it be to boil toast?
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q : how do you circumcise a whale? a : you send down five skin divers .
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what does a texas tornado and a tennessee divorce have in common? either way , someone is losing a trailer .
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new york , " darling , can i go out in this dress? " " yes dear , it's already dark out . "
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I feel so bad for my grandpa he died in the holocaust Poor guy fell from the guard tower
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what's the opposite of the sun? the guardian .
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I've been diagnosed with chronic fear of giants; Feefiphobia.
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which one comes first i just ordered a chicken and an egg off the internet, to see which one comes first threedots i'll keep you posted .
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If watermelon exist why doesn't earthmelon,firemelon and airmelon? The elemelons.
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i recently got crushed by a pile of books, but i suppose i have only my shelf to blame .
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Q: What do the Amish call a jar full of honeybees? A: A vibrator.
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Did you hear the one about the Irish boomerang? It doesn't come back .............. it just sings about how much it wants to.
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There was a fire at the supermarket I work at today. We now offer a large selection of smoked goods
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Watching all those FPS videos on YouTube didn't help the shooter She couldn't even off anyone except herself.
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did you hear about the italian chef that died? yeah , he pasta way
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How do you win a Scandinavian race? By crossing the Finnish line!
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My cousin is a total audiophile. He came as soon as he heard
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if you do not say it, they can't repeat it .
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Does a basketball player with an extra chromosome. have both ups and downs
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what's the difference between a customer and a weatherman? one knows he's not always right .
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What's the most flexible type of music group? An elastic band.
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whats the best way to go cliff diving? without the body of water
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the way to treat women is always in your heart. beat beat beat
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why did snow white buy an android phone? she thought the apple was poisoned .
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do indian restaurants have any bread? nah , they have naan .
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Last night my blind date asked me if I had any kids. I almost told her about the six in my basement.
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If you're a vegan who does crossfit. which do you tell people first
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I lovingly caress my belly. "You're expecting? " a woman asks. I smile serenely. "Just ate an amazing burrito," I tell her.
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Why couldn't Miley Cyrus go to the party? She had to go t'work instead.
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to clean up or just move. this is the question
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what's the difference between a snowman and snow woman? snowballs
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where do trees keep their money? in branch banks .
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How do you know when a cabbage is boiled? The wheelchair floats to the top.
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why did mozart kill his chicken? because when he asked the chicken " who's the best composer " the chicken said " bach , bach , bach "
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have you heard about the rabbi who did circumcisions for free? he worked for tips .
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Why was the pianist so depressed? Because they weren't good at Chopin.
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a fight or flight situation. like when you go to pick up your kid and the teacher's walking towards you with " the look " on her face
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why wasn't the man considered attractive? the laws of gravity didn't apply to him .
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The Boston snowstorm so was bad the Canadians reported on it. They called it Tuesday
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A freudian slip So for those of you who dont know, a freudian slip is when you say one thing but you're thinking about a mother
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cheesy joke what did the big cheese round say to the baby cheese round? getting older isn't going to make you the big cheese .
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i went to a blind fortune teller the other day she looked into her crystal ball, and she told me there is eternal darkness in my future .
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I'm very good to my wife, everyday I'll run the hot water and put the bubbles in for her. just to make doing the dishes that bit easier
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where do dead people buy their cigarettes? at the coroner store .
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Recently my girlfriend has got into equestrian bdsm Last evening she asked me to watch her whip, then watch her nay nay
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I have to be honest, before the Winter Olympics I just thought Canada was a place Michael Moore made up.
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Yesterday I told my aunt that DTF means "Doing the Facebook". Her daily posts are much more entertaining now
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before the wedding i have loved all the women on earth, after the wedding one woman less .
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coffee asked " why do i always get coal in my stocking. " santa : because your on the not tea list
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what did one bean say to the other? how you bean doing .
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What's the normal amount of hair to mail someone? I feel like this is a lot of hair I'm mailing to someone
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I was playing laser tag with my epileptic freind... He started brake dancing in the middle of it
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What will happen if I paint my computer black? Will it run faster or stop working?
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A boiled egg in the morning. is hard to beat
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Yesterday I went for a walk with a beautiful girl When she noticed me, we went for a run
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Are you an organ donor? Or an organ don'tor?
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My mom nearly had a stroke in a strip club last night. But she couldn't quite reach
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What do you call kangarooo jump and play hocky? the fam copter
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what does a tree do when he's going on a vacation? he packs his trunk and leaves . i should go back to studying now . k bye .
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why does the official Reddit app aways crash? Unfortunately Reddit has stopped working, would you like to report the issue
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Who says Jesus couldn't perform miracles? He managed to find mates named Matthew, Mark, Luke and John hanging around in the Middle East.
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I help blind kids Verb, not adjective
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I had a scary dream. Glad they're still in the basement.
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to all those who received a book from me as a christmas present, they are due back at the library today .
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what did bob marley say to his wife after he opened the fridge? " no , woman , no pie . "
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stereo types exist for a reason. because not everyone wants a sony
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How can people get engaged after dating less than a year? You haven't seen their fall wardrobe yet and tbh it could be a deal breaker
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opposites ? what is the difference between light and hard ? if a man tries long enough, he can sleep with a light on threedots
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What do a wheelchair transport bus and a grocery truck have in common? When they crash, the vegetables spill onto the road.
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Don't flatter yourself, any type of milkshake brings me to the yard.
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what is the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle? attire
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I found my son trying to color with the caps of his markers still on them, I think he's artistic.
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Let's hear it for snow! .. The only time that four inches can keep a woman in bed all day.
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Did you hear about the Egyptian boatman who refused to believe his craft was sinking? He was in denial
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what is a horse's favourite sport? stable tennis !
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why was the comedian so depressed? he felt like everyone was just laughing at him .
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Whats the biggest seesaw called? TITANIC.
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How many livers do people have? I want to make sure I have a backup before I put this thing on Ebay.
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What do you call an older man who goes after young boys? Nittany Lions
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I've heard many things about the benefits of probiotics, but I think they are too expensive . . . So can anyone recommend any good amateur biotics?
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Why is Lush Cosmetics making so much profit in Saudi Arabia? Their signature Bath Bombs took the nation by storm
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Why did the orphan cross the road? To meet up with his parents
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Who's the most famous person with anorexia? Tim Cook, he always wants to make the iPhones thinner
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When a man falls off a boat, you say, "Man overboard!" What do you say when a woman falls off a boat? "Full speed ahead!"
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What's Medusa's favorite kind of cheese? Gorgonzola.
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Exactly how many good deeds do you have to commit to get into Heaven? I'm talking bare minimum here.
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The other day I snuck into the local zoo and spotted an Albino Cheetah It was the least I could do for him.
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have you guys heard about the new internet milk? it's for cereal .
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what do you say to a handicapped dog? " stay "
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Why doesn't Africa have any hospitals? Because hospitals treat people
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How do you beat George Foreman in a fight? Punch him in the grill
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If I could be any arithmetic operation, I'd be subtraction. I just want to make a difference
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A joke died on stage. It leaves behind an orphaned punchline
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Teacher: Today, we're going to talk about the tenses. Now, if I say "I am beautiful", which tense is it? Student: Obviously it is the past tense.
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In my doctor's waiting room, I explained to a WWII veteran what a Twitter follower count is. I think he regrets winning the war now
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why are vegetarians good in giving head? because they are used to eating nuts !
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What do you call bumblebee fetuses? honey nut cheerios
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What is the name of the martial arts discipline that the anime girl that you are in love with practices? Wai fu.
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