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Lurk I started a subreddit about lurking. No one posted anything
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what do engineers use for birth control? their personalities
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Why did it take so long to see a picture of Saint West? Because he was a Tidal exclusive.
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What's the difference between a rain gutter and a clumsy outfielder? One catches drops, the other drops catches.
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what's the difference between a bass player and a large pizza? a pizza can feed a family of four .
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Why use words you don't understand in your tweets? It just makes you look photosynthesis.
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what did the woman say to the vampire when she woke up with her period? " i made you breakfast in bed ! "
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did you hear about the circus fire? it was in tents .
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An ant and an elephant are walking in the desert. Suddenly the ant turns to the elephant and says, "Look how much dust we're kicking up!"
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Instead of complaining that it's hard to remove glitter, accept it. Embrace it. You are a shiny person now.
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wife : he only hears what he wants to hear threedots therapist : is this true? me : she's right . space jam is the greatest movie of all time .
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A girl came up to me the other day. and told me she saw me at the vegan club but I never saw herbivore
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I like my women like I like my babies Cold and unmoving
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idea: a chinese restaurant called you dim sum you lose some .
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what is the best armor for sneaking? leather , it's made of hide .
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What hit the ground first? The depressed kid or a leaf? The leaf because the rope stopped the depressed kid.
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How to you make an octopus laugh? ...you give it ten tickles
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i'm not one to give parenting advice, but kids are a lot less likely to fight you on eating dinner if you don't give them lunch or breakfast
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what do you call a medieval dentist? a plaque doctor .
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Hi guys Please like my Facebook page Pubg India memesa Ok pleqse
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so two elderly grapes are talking then one of the grapes says, is it just me or are you looking a bit prune?
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Surgeon: I need someone to unroll this bandage, stat! Cat nurse, excitedly: I've got this.
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What's the difference between snowmen and snowomen? Snowballs
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what's the difference between a well dressed man on a bicycle , and a poorly dressed woman on a tricycle? attire
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Kid : Dad what do condoms do? Dad : They prevent questions just like this one
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A car made of French bread just raced past me. It was a Baguetti Veyron
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Not sure if this girl I'm talking to online is real, so on our first date I'm gonna bring an image captcha for her to solve.
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Why could the chicken cross the road? It's meat, Not a vegetable.
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What's on the inside of a clean nose? Fingerprints.
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What do you call a pile of Stephen Hawkings? A salad
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when i go shopping with my wife she thinks i'm bored because i'm looking at my phone the whole time. but that's exactly why i'm not bored
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What does a hairstylist call their resume? A tresume.
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What is brown and hangs from trees? Sticks
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When I was in college I had all these philosophical questions. Now I just want to know how these kids got toothpaste under the toilet seat
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why did sally drop her ice cream? because a semi truck hit her .
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What kind of magic do cows believe in? MOODOO!
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What's the difference between Jesus and Jews? Jesus was the one who preached about peace but the Jews were the ones who nailed it.
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I wrap children No you didn't read that wrong they have to be fresh before I eat them.
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So I tried catching some fog today. I mist
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What's the difference between me and cancer? My dad didn't beat cancer
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true love doesn't care about the look or size of your wallet, it's all about what is inside threedots the wallet .
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what is the question most frequently asked by a philosopher? would you like ketchup with your chips
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What kind of meat is the cheapest? .. Deer balls Cause they're under a buck!
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What is a ten letter word that starts with gas. Automobile Edit: not really a joke but didnt know where to put it
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what do you call a group of ears? a heard
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What did the fisherman and his girlfriend do last night? Net fish and krill
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Everyone got mad at me because I left my dog in a hot car. But what was I supposed to do? Just leave my nephew all alone?
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Q: How many newsmen does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Only one but he'll tell everybody.
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You know what amazes me? A maze.
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Try to think of a world without hypotheticals. You can't
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what did the two vegan strangers say to each other? nothing . they didn't meat .
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why does mexico always do so poorly in the olympics? anyone who could run , swim or jump made it to the usa .
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why did the man get fired from the orange juice factory? because he couldn't concentrate .
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What did the officials say whenever systematic punishment was banned? There's no punchline.
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Teenagers these days are inhaling more smoke... than the firefighters in the World Trade Center
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what's the best gift you can buy at christmas? a broken drum , you can't beat it .
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what's the difference between a ladder and a truck? it's no bad luck to walk under a truck .
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what do women and dog poop have in common? the older they are the easier they are to pick up .
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how do you annoy lady gaga? poker face .
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Difference between fairies and Bill Cosby Fairies come in your dreams while you sleep, Bill cosby comes in you while you sleep! oc btw
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I used to be a street performer But I could only accept credit cards; it didn't make any cents.
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why do trees seem suspicious on sunny days? i dunno , they just seem a bit shady .
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Did you hear about the naked man who fell into an upholstery machine? He is fully recovered.
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women call it a secret sixth sense, men call it paranoia .
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How do you tell the difference between a Fabric Designer and a Science Professor? Ask them to pronounce "LATEX"
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What happens when a Pokemon goes through puberty? It's bells sprout.
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why do bicycles fall over? because they are two tired .
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What is Kim Kardashian's favorite hockey team? The Chicago Blackhawks
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i'll try this here. let's all come up with a joke , line by line threedots one person starts , the next adds a line
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What did the bread maker say to the wheat? I loave you.
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have you seen the new interview of john cena? yeah me neither threedots
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Whats the difference between toast and Frenchmen? You can make soldiers out of toast.
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What do you call a guy that overeats for the sole purpose of getting stomachaches? A glutton for punishment.
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What do you hear if you hold a kebap to your ear? The silence of the lambs
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I've just bought that new Lynx deodorant breadcrumb edition. The birds can't get enough of me!
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How do you spot the blind man at a nudist beach? Well..it's not hard
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they're not all brilliant , but they're all mine. meaning my tweets , and maybe my kids , whatever
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what did cinderella do when she reached the ball? she choked .
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Got asked to help unlock a PDF file today. I said no way, we should be concentrating on locking them up
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photon a photon checks into a hotel . the front desk man asks if he has any luggage . the photon replies " no, i'm travelling light . "
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Was sagt der groe Stift zum kleinen Stift? Wachsmalstift
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Did you hear about the autistic guy that sat on his food at Fuddrucker's? Turns out he just had Aspergers.
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great shoulder tattoo. i bet butterflies are really significant to you and have shaped you into the person you are today , right ?
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What grazes in the Higgs Field? The Higgs Bison!
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Atheism and Religion are but two sides of the same coin. One prefers to use its head, while the others relies on tales
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A man was about to jump off a cliff... ...and before he jumped he said, "I'm doing this for Jesus Christ! " I think he took a leap of faith.
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The reason Rhianna stopped working with Chris Brown was because he had awful rhythm. He put too many beats in a measure
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what do you call a laptop that sings? a dell
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a friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns but then he forgot, toucan play that game
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Unless you're telling me how to skip it in the future, your voicemail greeting wastes my time.
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what's a hippies favourite food? peas , man .
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what do you call a religious owl? a bird of pray .
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has anyone seen my jacket? it's white with sleeves that make you hug yourself and a cute belt .
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A genie grant a man two wishes Genie: What is your first wish? Jeff: I want to be Rich Genie: Okey, what is your second wish? Rich: I want lots of money
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you wouldn't steal a gate. so why would you take offense ?
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what's the best way to catch a rabbit? hide in the bushes and make lettuce noises .
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how do you know when santa claus is nearby? you can feel his presents threedots
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a girl told me that i have a really strong tongue today. it was my dentist holding my tongue back as the other one was filling a cavity
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Never Judge the Beauty Of a Girl By Her Profile Picture. Judge it By the Photos She is Tagged in
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how many germans does it take to change a light bulb? nein .
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