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CriticalRoleTranscripts

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MATT: Perfect. So welcome, glad you guys can join
us. Guys, still with the clap thing too much.
Before we jump into tonight’s game, let’s get
through our announcements. First and foremost, our
fantastic sponsor for this evening, and has been
for quite some time, our friends at D&D Beyond!
SAM: D&D Beyond!
MATT: Sam, if you want to take that away.
SAM: Yes, D&D Beyond wanted to announce that their
826LA donation campaign has officially come to an
end, and they’ve raised $11,400 for 826LA based on
114 natural ones rolled through the end of June.
We are terrible, but our bad luck is the kids’
good fortune. The main thing that people have been
wondering and talking about on The Facebooks and
stuff is the new baby. Travis and Laura aren’t
here, you guys might have noticed, and everyone’s
like, “How was the birth? How did it all go down
“two Thursdays ago?” So I have taken a little
license, but I have scripted a bit of a radio play
that we’re all going to participate in to show our
viewers how it all went down two Thursdays ago,
and how the birth came to be. Taliesin will be
narrating, I will be playing the role of Travis,
Marisha will be playing the role of Laura.
MARISHA: Sorry, Laura.
SAM: Liam will be the doctor.
LIAM: A real job, Dad!
SAM: And Matt will be a couple of different roles,
including Matt Mercer.
MATT: Oh, I can probably do that.
SAM: We’re going to see what happens, this is a
first performance of its kind. Take it away, Taliesin.
TALIESIN: Exactly two weeks ago, at the Willingham
house.
SAM: Babe, can you bring me some onion rings and
Miller Ice with lime? The Cowboys game starts in
six weeks and I want to be ready.
MARISHA: Darling, something magical is happening.
Our boy, the magical light that will illuminate
the universe, will join us soon.
SAM: Huh, what?! Right now?! But the Cowboys!
MARISHA: Travis, dear, your stallion is galloping
to earth, humanity must welcome him with loving arms.
SAM: Ugh, I’ll get the stupid hospital bag.
TALIESIN: Later, in the hospital waiting room.
SAM: Hey, Matt, heads up, Laura’s having that
stupid baby.
MATT: Oh yeah, no problem, I’ll just throw out the
next three weeks of story I planned out and
totally rework everything to accommodate this. I
don’t need to sleep. Ever.
SAM: Cool, bro. Hey, can you also tape the Dallas
Cowboys game for me?
TALIESIN: Meanwhile, inside the delivery room.
LIAM: Okay, Mrs. Willingham.
MARISHA: It’s Bailey.
LIAM: Oh right, sorry. Anyway, I have checked your
charts and you should be in a lot of pain right now.
MARISHA: I feel nothing but the sweet nectar of
Mother Nature coursing through me. My love
radiates like luminescent rainbows that will