id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
NB5I06SSHTZSfcyFb8cKbf5M6lxBMQE8 | afl6aa | {
"description": "charging my so for a cleaning service",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for charging my SO for a cleaning service? | Sorry for the formatting as I’m on mobile. Just a little background, my SO have been together for 7 years. We have two kids and not the largest apartment. We split bills based on income so I pay 65% and she pays 35%. But kids and chores have always been a 50/50 split. She has always been a bit messy and I lean pretty close to a neat freak. Over the past year getting her to clean up after herself has gotten harder and harder. I’ve been doing more than my fair share of the household responsibilities for a long time and I’m getting frustrated that so much of my free time is being eaten up by housekeeping
We’ve had a few arguments about how the cleanliness and organization of the home is very important to me. Her logic is that if it’s not that important to her so it should fall on my shoulders if it’s that important to me
I feel like I’m not asking much. Do your dishes after dinner when I’m not home, put your clothes away, stop leaving random stuff everywhere. Normal etiquette with roomates let alone someone you’ve shared a home with long term.
My plan is to hire a cleaning service to pick up the slack that I can’t get always get to and have her reimburse me for as long as it’s needed.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
3AKakG42aCZeJhfSRiTCab2tP28YiyoW | amsztp | {
"description": "not wanting surrogate father around baby/mother",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting surrogate father around baby/mother? | This is going to be a crazy post and will make some of you a little confused so bear with me. I have a serious conundrum with my marriage and wife that I need help with.
To start, I am unable to have children. An accident when I was a kid basically sterilized me and I cannot have babies of any type. My wife and I have been married for 5 years, together over 10 and she was more devastated then I was to hear that I could not have children. She has been dreaming of having a baby since High School (We are childhood sweethearts). I had said earlier on in our relationship that I wasn't comfortable with surrogacy, so the idea of her being pregnant went up in smoke when we found out I was infertile.
Well, after discussion, we decided to try IVF with a sperm donor for my wife. I was very uncomfortable with this when I was younger, but after realizing I was possibly ruining my wife's dream of being pregnant, I decided that I was being completely selfish. We saved up and did the IVF treatment and we were incredibly excited. However, after all the work and money, the treatments did not take and my wife did not end up pregnant. She was completely devastated, and honestly this caused a really huge depression for her.
We had no money left for IVF and she was completely distraught. So, after much discussion, and admittedly some alcohol, we came to the idea of finding our own sperm donor. We settled on someone we both knew that would be okay with it and discussed with him the basic idea of what he would be doing, etc. Sex would not be involved in anyway of course, and it would be completely "medical". We knew his physical background, genetic information, genealogical, etc., and he looks similar to me to boot.
Now, during this time, the donor (Who I will call John) had expressed the idea of him being an "uncle" to the unborn child. My wife was okay with it, and we agreed that he could be in the child's life if he wanted to be. We have all of this in text form and written as well by the way. Furthermore, we made a deal of no child support of course (My wife and I would never do this anyway).
My wife got pregnant after the "procedure" (And yes, I know how redneck this sounds) and we were elated. Overjoyed. John was happy for us as well. The last few months have been amazing for my wife, and she has never been happier. We announced on FB a few days ago, and she was beaming all day. I am absolutely excited myself, as I didnt think I would ever get to be a father myself. However, some problems have arisen that we were not expecting.
Since the "procedure", John has gotten into some trouble with the law. At first, it was nothing serious and I didn't think anything of it. Since then, John has progressively gotten into more and more trouble. He has lost his car, his job and more due to drug offenses (Marijuana. He worked in a hospital prior to this). Because of the arrest and resulting loss of his job, he lost his car due to not paying the bill and he was eventually arrested again after getting too drunk at a bar and causing a fight. His life is quickly spiraling out of control.
John has messaged my wife on Facebook these things and she wants to invite him to live with us until he can get back on his feet. I am completely and absolutely against this idea in every way, shape and form. While I am sad that John lost his job due to a Marijuana arrest, he did make the bad choice of taking it with him into the hospital. While it sucks he lost his car, he and only he made these choices. I have flat-out refused to allow him to move in, as I believe he is not going to be good for our pregnancy and him living with us will only invite stress into our lives and marriage. Furthermore, I have told my wife that if he is going to continue this lifestyle that he cannot be around our child, as I do not want any bad influences.
My wife thinks I am being too coldhearted but I am not so sure. AITA?
TL;DR: Sperm Donor that provided sample needs living quarters and help, am I being an asshole for saying no? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 16,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
gn4M70LtUMNIvt2ZpP3hh3p2j6M5DcWY | b6llsd | {
"description": "telling my partners family about his substance abuse/addiction",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | WIBTA for telling my partners family about his substance abuse/addiction? | I found out recently that my partner of 2 years has been hiding his past use of drug addiction (Oxycontin). He is now prescribed Suboxone from a "clinic"... it is a walk in medical express urgent care type of facility. He doesn't see the same doctor regularly, whatever licensed professional is on duty. He just takes a drug test, and gets his prescription. (It gives me pill mill vibes.) He is not seeking any other type of help to address his addiction. I have been struggling with this, and it has lead to trust problems in our relationship especially with me giving him money. Most recently I found out he was still trying to buy adderall. I don't feel equipped to help deal with this it seems that he is still having issues. WIBTA for telling his family so we have a support network to lean on and get help from if needed. He has explicitly said not to tell. So if I do, I would have to lie about it to him. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
68Xdxy1ynNc8l6cdop5qDDo1RNUdhp66 | ays01l | {
"description": "getting mad at a friend because her new boyfriend doesn't want her talking to other guys",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for getting mad at a friend because her new boyfriend doesn't want her talking to other guys? | Wall of text incoming.
Backstory: I've been friends with this girl since 2012, and it's always been a platonic relationship. Last year, we stopped talking for a few months due to an argument we had regarding one thing or another. But around January our friendship went back to normal, but I noticed that she would usually stop replying to me after a few minutes of talking (we live in different countries now).
Now, I'm not the type to force anything on anyone and I just assumed she's been busy due to work or whatever. So, I jokingly told her that I was planning to buy her one of those penis shaped chocolate things that say eat a dick on the box (The Don, I believe it's called) for always leaving me hanging. And she replied that the reason was because her new boyfriend doesn't like her talking to other guys.
So, I said it was fine. I understood. And she replied with "Really.". To which I replied that I'd be crossing a line if I got mad. And for some reason, she kept pushing it like "Are you mad?" and eventually, I cracked. I told her that it didn't matter what I felt because in the end it isn't her boyfriend's decision whether she talks to me or not and it's her decision in the end and that the part that affected me was that I thought our friendship actually meant something to her, when it turns out she has no problem with it being over.
So, yeah. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
7lmqT3LtTm8grZZMdv463ROHdPBQZrdD | akj7s0 | {
"description": "thinking we shouldn't have to pay for half of a daycare that we can't use",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for thinking we shouldn’t have to pay for half of a daycare that we can’t use? | TLDR: Step son’s mother wanted to put him in a daycare that is 7 minutes from her and 80 minutes from us. DH told her he would pay for half if she chose a daycare that was more in between that we could actually utilize (and there is a suitable one almost halfway between us). She said no, she’d rather pay on her own and sign up with the daycare of her choice. Since making this decision, she has gone on and on and acts like she’s a victim.
We live about an hour and a half away from my step son’s bio mom. About 6 months ago we were looking for a daycare for SS. BM wanted to sign him up for a particular one, and lied to us about it being a Christian daycare. We don’t really care, I mean we’re atheists but we live in the Bible Belt so this is a common thing. The daycare wasn’t an issue, but the fact that she lied was. My MIL is the one that asked us if we knew, and then BM launched a months-long campaign against her for not “respecting her privacy” which makes me laugh.
DH has 50/50 custody, so it isn’t like BM deserves more convenience because she has him more days or anything. She doesn’t even have more weekdays, we do.
This daycare is also over an hour away from us. Specifically it is 7 minutes from BM and about 80 minutes from us. When we were figuring everything out, DH told BM he wouldn’t be paying for half of a daycare that we can’t even utilize, since there were other suitable options that are more in between and doable. Rather than being close to her and far from us. Until she got hung up on this one daycare, the plan was for them both to pay half.
I think this is pretty reasonable. There is a daycare that would have been perfectly fine that is 30 ish minutes from her and 50 ish from us. That’s the one we suggested. Still an annoying amount of driving but it was more fair.
She ended up deciding that she’d rather SS just go to her daycare of choice on her days and she would pay for it all. We asked her if she was sure, reiterated that she could choose a different one and only have to pay half, etc.
She has since brought up the fact that she’s paying for daycare multiple times in an attempt to guilt DH. His response every time has been, “You made that choice, you didn’t want to compromise at all. You made the choice not to have my help financially.”
She has also tried to make him look bad to MIL over this and has posted on FB about it. I knew she’d pull that back when she made her choice, so MIL already knows what’s up and she feels the same as us, that this was BM’s choice so she can’t be upset by it now.
The CO states that they’re supposed to both pay half, but it also says that DH is the one with the power to choose where SS goes to daycare and school. So my thinking is that she can’t really quote the CO when she doesn’t want to follow it herself.
She went on another rant about this a couple of days ago and I’m just so tired of hearing it. She chose this!
How do you guys feel about this? Are we the assholes here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
umjL2oi96IYV2rkOXsGRsNipKtFxuwOR | ayr2e5 | {
"description": "doing the Good Samaritan thing poorly",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for doing the Good Samaritan thing poorly? | This happed a few days ago but I just discovered this sub.
I was at a busy fast food restaurant known for its above-and-beyond customer service. In line in front of me was an elderly woman (EL). When it came to be her turn the woman working said she could take the next customer, but the EL could not or did not hear here and was not looking or paying attention. I gestured to EL and said something like, "oh, you can go now". No response. The woman working says she can take the next customer. No response from the EL. I then proceeded with what I thought was a quite large and obvious gesture to EL trying to let her know it was her turn, waving her forward as politely and respectfully as possible. No response.
I'm really patient and not really in a rush. I also have been going through some weird mental health stuff lately so my thinking is a bit slow. I was not sure what to do and I figured she would move eventually so I just decided to wait.
Then after like five seconds this woman a few in line behind me said, "Help her, tell her it's her turn". (said with a bad/rude attitude)
I said, "I tried."
The woman behind me says, "You did not try, you just waved at her."...with like...a lot of attitude. I bite my tongue and the woman loudly lets EL know its her turn.
Situation over. I know it should not have bothered me, but this really made my good mood drop. It put a dark cloud over my lunch. It really seemed like this woman was being a jerk to me for doing a worse job of helping EL than she would have. Plus...it's not my job to help her? I kinda figured someone working would take action sooner. AITA for not trying harder to help EL? AITA for thinking this woman in line behind me is a real asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
TwFSpu1AnGpBu93ngWKZMWUSq7DWoq4b | a80jch | {
"description": "not sympathising with my mother suffering from dementia when going out to watch 'a Christmas Carol'",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not sympathising with my mother suffering from dementia when going out to watch 'A Christmas Carol' | Meet my mother (when I was A child)
* She used to emotionally blackmail me as a child into loving the music she enjoyed. Forced my to 'love' playing the violin for 14 years, claiming it would make her mentally ill if I did not. She pretended to have anxiety issues when I listened to any but her approved music Mozart, Händel, Beethoven.
* She refused to accept any girlfriend I have ever had telling me I was better than the 'too common', 'asian', or 'too Catholic' girls I dated. But when I did not date anyone told me that she would never date a loser like me.
* She insisted at my wedding to tell everyone that she did not approve of my wife and cried several times. The wedding had to be in her tiny village when I by then lived in a different country and most guests had to travel far to get there.
* She refused to attend the reception we held in my wife's home country claiming health reasons that suddenly started when we got engaged.
* When she learned that aged 20 to 24 I suffered severe depression and had suicidal thoughts and saw a therapist, the only thing she asked was for me to assure her that the therapist did not blame her.
* visited me 2 times in over 15 years of me moving away away from home to an nearby country. She was retired throughout while I visited two to 4 times per year and every Christmas even if it meant my wife had to celebrate by herself because she could not get time off work.
* She kept telling me she told me so when my wife did not become pregnant within a year after getting married even though I am dead set on not having children.
Now this said mother is suffering from dementia now and I am visiting again for Christmas. We, my dad, her, and I went to see a musical of 'A Christmas Carol'.
I really dislike musicals or anything in a theatre as it's the sort of thing I had forced down my throat as a child whilst prevented from going to the cinema or any pop/rock music concert. But I agree to go along because it makes her happy and could well be her last Christmas.
I cried a lot mostly because I realized how my mother had never loved me unconditionally, how she had made me care for her anxiety issues about my dad leaving her or told me I had to help her get a divorce as a chld. I cried because I knew my mother is too far down the dementia route to ever understand how I felt and how she had made my wife's life a living hell.
My dad who had enabled her antics all my childhood and who would scold me if I said infront of her how I really felt asked me after the show if I had cried.
My reply was "I did but not tears if happiness" and that I'd prefer not to talk about it. His response is "you are an asshole".
Am I?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
XRGUlHB0dazVcZyOMSCufMmxFWqWM5O9 | b1rg4u | null | AITA got yelled at for stepping in glass | I'm 17, living with my parents, stepped in some glass yesterday bc my dad dropped smth and didn't clean up properly. Not a big deal, I'd just prefer not having glass in my foot.
So I tell dad today "Hey btw I stepped in some glass yesterday, maybe you can clean up more thoroughly next time you drop something?"
And he took it as a personal attack somehow. He started yelling at me "I did clean it up! What do you want me to fucking do about it now! Was it even MY glass!"
He told me I should've said I just "found some glass". I don't get why I wouldn't be able to call him out when his carelessness could hurt someone (who knows how much more glass is lying around. If our cat ate some we'd have a bigger problem)
Am I the asshole? This is just him being weirdly defensive, right? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
STYNO4YLi1WUaMxXk3dkWcPkTMSLTDTj | aqyyeu | {
"description": "potty training my child",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for potty training my child? | My son recently turned 3 years old and has been fighting diaper changes to the point that my husband and I have to chase him down and catch him and then it take one person to hold him in place while the other one changes the diaper. On my last day off (Tuesday) I got fed up with it so I decided that it was time to start potty training. I made a post on Facebook, basically saying what I just stated here.
My husband's aunt lives with us and we give her room and board in exchange for her watching our son while I work part time. This is typically two days a week from 8 am until 1 pm, and he goes down for a nap at noon...so we're talking 8 hours a week that he's awake. Well, she was out all day Tuesday and came home just before our kids' bedtime, came into the living room and says "What's this I see on Facebook about Leland potty training?" I told her that as recommended by a lot of experts and worked well when our 6 year old potty trained, we'll be keeping him home for a few days while he goes naked from the waist down to make it easier for him to get on the toilet quickly. She asked if he'd be wearing a diaper when she watches him and I told her "No, that delays progress because he's spent the last 3 years pooping and peeing in a diaper so it will confuse him by sending mixed signals." She stormed off down to her bedroom and slammed the door, clearly incredibly upset about the news.
I completely acknowledge that with her being our childcare provider, some advanced notice would have been ideal. I made the decision unilaterally in a moment of extreme frustration. But, she refused to talk to us all that night and has spent the last 2 days locked in her room, giving me the silent treatment. I've had to miss my last two shifts at work because she won't talk to me and ultimately I made the decision to resign because my son has been making great progress and I no longer feel like I can count on her for childcare since she can't even talk this out like an adult.
So, acknowledging that I could have handled the situation better, was I so much of an asshole that her level of reaction is justified? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
8dBGCLFC41n4Gm85PWjMVpCe84vPvuQw | awnjmv | {
"description": "telling my son about my ex wife's infidelity",
"pronormative_score": 358,
"contranormative_score": 85
} | AITA for telling my son about my ex wife’s infidelity? | Ex and I divorced 8 years ago. We have two kids together. My son in 16, turning 17 very soon.
My ex wife has always publicly said that the break up was mutual. Lately however I found out she had been telling both my kids that I left her and didn’t give her the chance to continue the relationship.
My son was upset with me about it. My daughter couldn’t care less as far as I could tell.
So I took my son alone and told him that his mother had always been lying to him. That she cheated on me and that was what ended our relationship.
I haven’t even heard from the ex yet and I’m already feeling like I did something wrong. All I did was tell him the truth. And only in response to her lies. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 23,
"OTHER": 355,
"EVERYBODY": 62,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 8
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 358,
"WRONG": 85
} | RIGHT |
n2PJJTEYnv0nTyOvTFcR3o8I8aOdJWTp | az68hn | {
"description": "changing my name legally? I hate my name",
"pronormative_score": 39,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA if I changed my name legally? I hate my name. | Before I begin, I shall use an **example name** as follows: **Brian Alex Sherman Felix Smith.**
DISCLAIMER: ONCE AGAIN, THIS **ISN'T** MY REAL NAME.
Simply put, I simply hated my name for four reasons.
(1) My parents had always called me Felix, which as you noticed would be the fourth word of my name. So is my *given* name Felix (as they call me) or Brian (as per the order)? Which parent names their child only to not use their actual first name? IMO my parents are complete assholes for doing this. No other kid from school or the block has parents like this, except for most of my Muslim friends, whose name starts with Mohammed/Muhammad/Mohamed and their first name would be whatever is after that word e.g. Mohamed Salah would be addressed to as Salah.
(2) My full name does not split evenly. I have five words in my name (as per the example). It's a headache filling out official forms. What do I put when forms ask me for my first/given and middle names? How do I even split it? Brian Alex // Sherman Felix? Brian // Alex Sherman Felix? Or Felix (as per 1) then Brian Alex Sherman? See? If I dropped two words from my four-word clusterfuck of a name I would be able to have a lesser headache filling out forms.
(3) It's \[My actual name is\] too damn long. Too many letters. I have had so many comments from then till now. It's not bullying, don't worry, but it's just that I prefer short and sweet names.
(4) Having to correct people *every single time* my name is read out. Every *Brian* I heard was corrected to *Felix.* I hated doing that. I want things to be smooth.
I had a family friend whose daughter went ahead with the name change to drop her old identity and the (estranged) reluctant mom disapproved of this action. Daughter initially aimed to drop her entire old name but eventually and reluctantly gave in to her mother's demand to retain the first word of her old name.
I was always told, especially by parents and elders, that every person's name has a special/religious meaning, and in a sense every name given is a religious blessing. All five words in my real name (and the daughter's old name) carry religious meanings. Therefore, a name change in their eyes is a stab in the family's back and "losing one's spirituality/religiosity", which are no-nos in my community.
It would be nice to drop my entire identity in favor of a new one. The middle ground (which is most feasible as it is a possible compromise but I doubt family would be okay with) is dropping two words from my real name to create a nice first-middle-last. But those two words to be dropped carry religious meanings. It's a real headache - on the surface it can be done by informing government and educational authorities and paying a fee, but deep down it's like killing a man.
So, WIBTA, or am I justified in doing so? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 37,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 39,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
hncG53h8gp6jNrau6ymkkoFKh20EoPUU | all73p | {
"description": "cutting contact with my friend of 10+ years over his vindictive actions when I was going through a rough patch",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for cutting contact with my friend of 10+ years over his vindictive actions when I was going through a rough patch | On a throwaway for obvious reasons.
I've been friends with J for 10+ years, one of my closest friends but part of a wider friendship group (If it's relevant we're late 20s - early 30s).
Things haven't been easy in either of our lives recently. I was supportive of him when shit hit the fan in his life, although not to the level he wanted. The situation was really complex but basically a girl he was casually dating reported him to the police accusing him of raping her. On the night in question they were both wasted and he claims to have no memory of what happened. Since I'm not law enforcement, judge or jury, I didn't feel I could get involved further as nobody can know for sure exactly what happened on that night except the two people involved, J and the girl. It is not as black and white as "he's a rapist asshole" or "she's a lying false-accuser", especially given the amount of alcohol that was apparently involved.
J didn't like my stance on this, said I was saying he was a rapist. I believe innocent until proven guilty, but come on dude, if you were so drunk you can't remember whether or not you raped someone, you gotta admit that's a little problematic.
For the record he wasn't arrested or charged, he was just invited to the station for questioning by the police as a person of interest. There was found to be no case due to lack of evidence. So while it was undoubtably not great, it was also not life-ruiningly traumatic either and our friendship went pretty much back to normal.
Then a few months later I hit a rough patch. I went through a break-up and since I was living with my ex, I ended up crashing another friend's (not J's) couch. My depression worsened, I lost my job and then I was hospitalized at the psych ward for 2 months. During this time, J was noticeably absent in my life, despite him being aware of all the shit I was going through, not once did he reach out to me, offer support or assistance (even just 'that sucks man, I've got your back'), you know, just be a friend.
One day when I was in the hospital he called me and spent literally 20+ minutes chewing me out, telling me what a shit person I am, all the many ways I had apparently wronged him and others, being generally offensive "so now you know how it feels to be abandoned by your friends when you need them".
I was just fucking done with him at that point and I no longer wanted him in my life. Once I was discharged from hospital I moved to a different neighborhood and changed my schedule up so technically I don't have to see him again.
I've maintained that if he wants to apologize for his behavior and genuinely make amends and I would consider seeing / speaking to him again as it's causing a rift in my friendship group. He hasn't made this effort yet and it's been months.
My friends are important to me, I'm not close to my family and since the breakup and all the other shit they're my support network. They don't want to take sides and think both me and J are being prideful assholes and should put this behind us. I just can't. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
NeSCeKk2za8QcXOKhXmKNnC9kSyHuxTS | ammobj | {
"description": "waanting someones back up account",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for waanting someones back up account? | Heres the story. Recently i started talking to someone to get to know them. Things were fine we had become friends over the 3 months we spoke untill 2 weeks ago when she she started calling me pet names which i wasnt comfortable with, and she decided to snoop through my Twitter to find personal info.
Although not hard to find my Twitter account i was very much creeped out that she tried looking up my name d.o.b and started calling me pet names. When i pressed her about her other accounts (so i could block her) she claimed I was "giving her anxiety" Am i the asshole for wanting to block all her on her backups? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
fZfF10m8T88EtskGZGhn4jEY9aWjFzOe | a4d8sl | {
"description": "asking my wife not to sleep with other women",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for asking my wife not to sleep with other women | It's not quite what you're thinking.
I'm (28M) married (27F) for four years. Good relationship, I trust her.
Around a year ago, I went on a three day business trip. A friend of hers (very gay woman a bit younger than us) was in town, and I knew they were going to hang out. No big deal.
When I got home for my trip, at some point in conversation it became apparent that my wife's friend has spent the night. Again, no big deal. But we live in a 1bd apartment so I asked, 'where did she sleep?' Yeah turns out they shared our bed.
Now at the time, I wasn't really upset. I didn't accuse her of cheating. But I did express that I felt it was kind of inappropriate. She of course told me that nothing happened, the girl was like a little sister to her, etc.
Now here's where it gets weird. Flash forward about six month, during casual conversation I mention an actor that I found attractive - she agreed, one thing led to another and she admitted that over the past few months she had realized she was bi. She didn't want to tell me because she didn't want me to worry about her being attracted to some other woman, all she wanted was me, etc. I took it well and we moved on.
BUT one year later I'm still worrying about that night. The timing works out.
Was I an asshole to bring it up in the first place? If I mention it again will I be an asshole? Help me decide. | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 21,
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} | RIGHT |
KwqI2VhCjl6CzMzK6B1Hj7pU4YqWuWeV | b722d2 | {
"description": "not wanting a relationship with my mom",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting a relationship with my mom? | My (f28) mother isnt a good mother in my view. She didnt raise me, teach me right from wrong or anything like that. She didnt parent me. She rarely went to pta meetings and as a child, she would leave me home alone so often that she received an anonymous letter from someone in our neighbourhood who was worried about me. She has crazy moodswings. I never know what to expect. Its uncomfortable as hell.
She has forgot my birthday twice, guilts me into giving her money (even though Im a poor student living on my own), didnt help or speak to me when I was dealing with anxiety/depression at 14(had to go to the psychiatric ER alone...), moved out when I was 15, scolds me for having low confidence (even though she never did anything to install it in me growing up), doesnt know what Im up to in life or even seems to care that much.
I dont have any good example as far as parenting goes and Im terrified I wont be a good mother myself as a result. She has gotten better with age with regards to my younger siblings, but with me she was terrible. Talking to her is pointless because she is not able to admit fault or say sorry.
Maybe I will get a nice mother-in-law who I can go to for parental advice, because I would never ask my mother.
I love my mother, I really do. But overall, my interactions with her cause me a lot more stress and sadness than joy. :(
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
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} | RIGHT |
nG6fDJ0SuVsxbfwLpBCGTz3AmINaRhKH | a0bnr7 | {
"description": "blocking my best friend because she got jealous that I'm friends with her bf",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for blocking my best friend because she got jealous that I’m friends with her bf? | I’m gonna call my (former) best friend Mary, and her bf John. We’re all in our early twenties, but I’d been friends with Mary since high school.
A bit over a year ago she and John started dating. She’s currently abroad in college, so they’re long distance. She told me it’d mean the world to her if the two most important people in her life would become friends too. So she introduced us.
John and I hit it off really well. He’s become one of my best friends, but I made it clear from the start that I’m ace, and I just don’t swing that way. I know it shouldn’t matter, but I still wanted to avoid any potential awkwardness.
I started hanging out with John occasionally. I made sure to tell Mary, just in case. I didn’t think she’d get jealous, but I didn’t wanna *not* mention it in case it would look like I was keeping things from her. And she seemed perfectly fine with us meeting up.
So around the same time though, she got really busy with school. We almost exclusively communicate(d) through messenger, since she’s abroad, and she told me how much her career means to her. She asked me to tone down my texting so she could focus on her exams. I was happy to oblige, because I’d seen what prioritizing friendships can do to your grades. And recently all she’d been talking about was John, and how much she missed him.
Similarly, John also talked a lot about how much he missed her. So I tried to be supportive on both fronts, I didn’t want my friends to be lonely. In the long term it kind of felt like I was bearing the brunt force of their relationship, and I should’ve taken a step back. At the time I thought I was being helpful, though.
Eventually it got so much that I decided to take a break from messenger. I disabled notifications, etc, and made a point of only checking my messages once a day or so. I think I shouldn’t have been so vague about my reasons for doing this, though. Mary asked me if I was passive-aggressively mocking her own departure from messenger a few weeks prior. I told her, no, I had my own reasons.
Fast forward to August, and John invites me to his birthday party. Mary’s not in town, which makes me kind of anxious because I didn’t know John’s other friends that well, and I’m a pretty introverted lady.
Anyway that night we end up at another friend’s place, playing karaoke till about 2am. John’s friends all leave, but none of them live in the same general direction as I do. I don’t wanna walk home alone, and I don’t wanna pay for a taxi, and I think John feels the same way. So we crash in that friend’s living room, and that’s that. (I should also mention: on opposite ends of a very large sofa, though I can’t say why neither of us stayed in one of the then-vacant rooms. I didn’t wanna impose, but I can’t speak for John. Anyway, I thought it’d be fine.)
Mary was not amused though. She yelled at me, as much as you can yell at someone over text anyway. She accused me of cutting her off in favor of John, and of trying to steal her man. I was taken aback. I told her my side of the story—everything I wrote down above—but she wouldn’t listen. She told me I deserved the drama.
I’m a pretty calm girl, normally, but in that moment I lost it. I told her I wouldn’t talk to her till she got her shit together, that I wasn’t responsible for her insecurities, and then I blocked her. I was feeling a range of emotion that I was utterly alien to me then, but it was overwhelming. So I just. I cut her off.
We haven’t talked since.
So, Reddit, Am I The Asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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iVVY8OxwiwVTekrCgFZ4LUgr88SOoUvo | abnjco | {
"description": "immediately reporting my neighbors for smoking in my new apartment",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for immediately reporting my neighbors for smoking in my new apartment? | My husband and I are in the process of moving into an upscale apartment complex, and because one of my biggest pain points with our old apartment complex is that we couldn't use our balcony due to smokers, one of our biggest selling points for the new apartment was that the entire facility is non-smoking.
Today is our second day moving in, and it seems like there are more smokers in our new building than there were in our old complex. Yesterday, we saw two separate ladies walking down the hallway smoking, and as soon as we walked out of our apartment this afternoon, I could smell smoke. When we go downstairs, we see that the person smoking is our new downstairs neighbor who lives immediately below our apartment. He introduced himself and he seemed really nice, so my husband thinks it is a bad idea to report the smoking to the leasing office since the new neighbors will know it is us who reported them.
Regardless, I am planning to go to the leasing office tomorrow to discuss our options. I re-read our lease, and smoking in non-designated areas is terms for eviction. If I had to guess, they will probably just send an email at first asking residents to stop smoking, but I plan to keep complaining if this continues. I really don't want our neighbors to immediately hate us (and I don't wan anyone to get evicted), but I also don't want to live somewhere that smells like smoke all the time. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ETIqr5NuEfvJSs6Yth2aDb7gH335mYGc | b6bpzu | {
"description": "leaving my drink unattended at a bar",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for leaving my drink unattended at a bar? | It seems like it’s bad practice. I don’t want bartenders having to keep an eye on it for me or anything. But I need to piss lol. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 1
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
ntUzBC2HJnsn2lPywKviQb5DRWbJJfeJ | b8mslt | {
"description": "kicking out a broke college student",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for kicking out a broke college student? | My boyfriend’s sister came to visit us for spring break. His sister is great and we get along pretty well, so I was excited. She would be staying at our house for 9 days. She asked us to bring her girlfriend we had never met. We were a little apprehensive at first, because we didn’t know the girlfriend, but his sister begged, so we agreed she could stay at our house.
The first day they arrived was nice, but things went south pretty quick. The girlfriend would leave messes all over the place, drop her dirty clothes on the floor, leave used tampons exposed on top of the trash, messed up our Netflix and amazon prime algorithms by watching things without our permission, and listen to music/tv on max volume, at odd hours of the night (when she knew we had work early in the morning.)
Additionally, she ate almost ALL of our snacks. I have no problem with sharing food, but she ate almost everything in the cupboards. She also would smoke and juul in our place after we asked her not to. She went in our bedroom and riffled through our things while we were not home. Some money went missing from our room but she denied it.
The real kicker was when she invited random friends to our house while we were not home. We came home (boyfriend’s sister was out visiting another friend, so she had no idea what her girlfriend was doing) and was greeted by about 10 people who were smoking weed, cigarettes, juuling, a huge mess of alcohol and pizza boxes. We asked them to leave and they gave us an attitude but eventually left. The girlfriend was pissed that we made her friends leave. We asked her not to this again.
But 2 days later she does it AGAIN. Invites even more people, who in turn leave a bigger mess and went through our personal things. I told them all to leave and one of them called me a “stuck up bitch” while the rest laughed. I had had enough and called my boyfriend (who was still at work) and boyfriend’s sister and told them what happened.
Boyfriend comes home and screams for them all to leave and pretends to call the cops. They leave quickly after that. I was so pissed that I told the girlfriend to pack her shit and leave, as she was no longer welcome in our home. She argued that she couldn’t afford a hotel and we were disrespecting a guest and were somehow homophobic ? She ended up staying at a hotel. Boyfriend’s sister was really apologetic and helped us clean up the messes.
I told a friend what happened, and she said I should have just let her stay there for the remainder of the week and I was an asshole for kicking a broke college student out at night. So AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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14bKkHAnPPALWyQfUYmyIPrkh0mZFxOY | b1yn5o | {
"description": "using my Toxic \"friend\" for Rides to School",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For Using My Toxic "Friend" For Rides To School?? | ~~pretty sure the answer is yes but lemme explain cause I want a genuine answer?????~~
​
Okay so I'm in school, obviously. I have a decent amount off friends and semi-decent grades (my math and science are kinda sucky at the moment, but we'll get to that later). Most of my friends are decent people; They can take critique, they have a sense of humor but can still have serious conversations, they're good to vent to, they aren't bigoted in any way, shape or form, just generally nice human beings. Except for one friend. We'll call her S.
​
S is a very strange person. She was born and raised in Philadelphia, but moved it L.A. (where I live now) a year before I did. Upon first meeting her, you'll quickly realize she's not really an awesome person to hang out with. She's loud, obnoxious, and doesn't take no for an answer. After hanging out with her for maybe a week or two, you'll see she's also rather gross hygienically. This girl OPENLY PICKS HER NOSE AND EATS IT, **LICKED MY PHONE ONCE**, also "made out" with me without my consent. Then, if you're a POC who acknowledges that they're POC at all, a member of the LGBTQ community, *especially* trans people, or probably a number of other things I haven't figured out yet, she'll "jokingly tease" you for it. Here's a list of various shit she's done to me that involves her bigoted behavior:
​
\-Refused to call me by my chosen name (I'm a trans guy) even when everyone else including all our teachers do
\-She made fun of the Swahili words used during Kwanzaa **on the day of mourning for our ancestors that my family has**
\-Tells me me being trans is a phase
\-Tells her parents it's a phase
\-Makes fun of my trans-ness with her parents when I'm right there and can hear her
\-Makes fun of my mental health issues
​
There's other shit she's done that I absolutely hate, but I'd go on forever if I listed everything. The thing is though, I still hang out with her. Trust me, if I had more of a choice, I wouldn't, but my mom says I have to (my parents are also unsupportive of my transition, so there's not much complaining I can do). Even when I told my parents about this stuff I thought they would care about, they just brushed me off. I'm still forced to go to dinner with this girl once a week. My house is pretty far away from school, so she usually drives me. I feel like I'm using a girl with no friends other than me to avoid having to walk 3 quarters of a mile. Sure, she's kinda mean a lot of the time but she doesn't really notice so idk what to do... I feel really bad about it. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
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TD9qT1r4Y0jtwPz2nEHQyQd9QqQi6MfE | anhsx5 | {
"description": "getting angry at my mom for spoiling my dog and not following the training routines",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting angry at my mom for spoiling my dog and not following the training routines? | Long time lurker but had to create a temporary account to post since others know the main one.
Background: I live with my parents and I asked if I could have a dog and they said as long as I can afford him and his necessities and take care of him, they wouldn't mind. They emphasized the many facts that they will not help me in any way (buying stuff, dog-sitting, training, etc) which I didn't mind, I have always wanted a furbaby and I wanted the responsibility of training him to be the best doggo ever.
The first few months was all great, I learned so much and implemented everything I've learned from dog training courses, videos online, advice from friends who have dogs, all that good stuff. Since my doggo is a fairly large breed, it is more difficult to address some issues. I've tried positive reinforcement all the way but it only went so far.. so my private trainer suggested to use a pinch collar. I was hesitant to use this but after a few training sessions with this, the obedience changed for the better and the issues gradually got easier to deal with such as tugging during walks. The trainer suggested not to let him play with other dogs yet since he is still trying to master obedience.
So after the 6 months mark, my parents grew to love the dog soo much that they started spoiling him like crazy when I am not present. My mom would give him treats non-stop cause he would give those cute freaking puppy eyes.. My mom calls me cold-hearted because I would ask the dog to do tricks (obedience training) before I give him a reward. I want to enforce the training so he is not spoiled and has to earn his treats even if the command is something simple like "sit" or "down". My parents also love to walk him, but they don't enforce the pinch collar during walks. So the dog is tugging left and right, he's leading them everywhere, he's eating crap off the ground, he's plopping on the ground and refusing to leave, etc.
At this point, this dog KNOWS who and when he can take advantage of - he would basically revert back to the behavior prior the pinch collar if hes around my parents. My parents would complain to me, asking me why he's acting this way and why he's such an angel when he's with me. They would compare my dog to others asking why can't I train him to be obedient like other dogs. I told them bluntly that it is because they don't enforce the training, and that I do. They still didn't listen to me after I told them this fact.
I found out that my mom has been letting him play with other dogs on walks, even after I told her not to yet since we are still trying to master obedience. She lets him off-leash and he goes running towards other dogs.. I told her that I don't like if the dog is off-leash unless it's in an enclosed area. What if the other dog he's running towards is aggressive? What if the other dog's owner doesn't like dogs being off-leash? She then continues to call me crazy, and that I am making the dog unhappy. One of the main reason that I am overly upset right now is because my mom told me that the dog saw other dogs from the other side of the park and he went running towards them- leading to the fall of my mom and letting go cause of severe leash burn. I've tolerated so much regarding about the dog but my mom just continues not to listen and tells me that I'm being a bad owner and that I don't care about his well-being. I got so fed up that I regretfully yelled at my mom and now she's crying.. and giving me the silent treatment. All my dog training literally went down the toilet.
Sorry for the long post, but AITA for yelling at mom because I just want her to enforce the training so he doesn't go all crazy and takes advantage of her? I know she just wants the dog to be happy. | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 6,
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b0OfS2jvJRLKBDGuqf7BdxQBnWNLnfAm | a6nra3 | {
"description": "telling someone I've known for less than a month that I do not want to be their friend even though I know they have varying mental health issues",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling someone I've known for less than a month that I do not want to be their friend even though I know they have varying mental health issues? | Sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes. I'm one-eyed typing this right now cause I am so tired. This one's long and convoluted, so buckle in:
TL;DR: Told a mentally unstable girl that I want absolutely nothing to do with her despite knowing she is potentially suicidal.
Just moved to a new town where I knew only a handful of people. About a month ago I went on a weekend trip with those few friends and met "Sara" who was also new to town and would soon be working in the same place as me. This woman has known my friends for years and all seemed well at first.
I immediately noticed that Sara can be pretty insecure and sensitive, to the point that she reads into stupid jokes. Someone mentioned as a joke old people having a smell of moth balls and plastic couch covers. Later it happened to come up that Sara was the oldest in the group and someone joking said "I thought I smelled that" or something dumb like that. Everyone laughed, even Sara, and we moved on. Some 12 hours after we'd all been drinking all day later on this other girl "Emmy" who we also just met, seemed to be having a good conversation with Sara and referenced the joke. Not even told Sara that she actually smelled or anything. She just brought it up and Sara starts calling her a bitch and being very rude to her for little to no reason. Asking her why she thought that and calling her stupid. Sara was to the point of tears and Emmy seemed very confused and apologised although I could tell she didnt think she had to. They squabbled for several minutes before Emmy and our mutual friend "Beth" left the room to talk in the kitchen. Sara continued to talk about it, crying and pissed.
So the kitchen is right next to the living room. You can literally hear everything that Beth and Emmy are talking about, and they're talking about desserts because Emmy and Beth both like to cook. In the living room Sara is upset saying she knows they're talking about her. Saying she isn't stupid, she knows how Beth feels about her. (Beth and Sara have known each other for years) my friends and I tell Sara that she is mistaken, they're talking about baking and we can literally hear them. She is not buying it and she passes out drunk. The next morning Sara has no recollection of any of this. We all laugh it off cause we were drunk. Drunk people do weird things
This was the first incident.
Sara and I became fast friends at our new job. We were both new and we hung out together. But Sara quickly became way more attached to me than I was to her. Not to anything extreme but she would talk with me as if we had known each other for a substantial amount of time. Our coworkers were convinced we were best friends and did not believe me when I was said I had known her for two weeks maybe.
Sara likes to drink, but I wouldn't say she necessarily drinks to excess a lot. She told me she needed to take pills for a medical reason and she "technically shouldn't be drinking on them" I notice she'd be at the bar for only a little bit and then seemed wasted after a few glasses of wine or light cocktails. She also became needier and craved my attention. If I talked with anyone else she would accuse me of ignoring her. "Guess I'll go home." "I literally feel like I am invisible right now." "Did you even hear what I just said?" But I'd be talking to a mutual friend or the bartender, but she'd seemingly get jealous which seemed insane.
I could tell that Sara needed for me to be a a source of comfort. Sara would divulge things about her exboyfriend, her mother who passed some years ago, or talk about work. Sara told me some pretty detailed stuff about her life, but nothing too overtly inappropriate. Just casual things you would tell a very good friend. But she told me the same stuff several times. Not usually in one night but over several nights she would bring up the same topics for us to dissect, but I'd no idea how I was supposed to analyze the same conversations several times. She'd want my input on things that I dont know how to sympathize with or understand. I am not a good person for comforting or telling that stuff to because truthfully I do not care. There is nothing that makes me care less for a person than them wanting me to be their emotion buddy cause I am not like that, I find it exhausting. Sara didn't want time apart from me, we had to do everything together or she was hurt.
Sara also asked me if people were talking about her. She thinks "so-and-so" hates her. They didn't even know who she is. "Whathisname" said something rude, no Sara they said "this" you **heard** "that." "That Guy" is staring at me. No, I'm pretty sure he is watching the TV behind you.
It was our friend's "Tom's" birthday, Beth and Tom are an item, have been together for years and Sara adores Tom like a brother. Sara bought Tom a birthday shot, Beth said jokingly "Birthday Shots? That mean!" She was being playful. Sara had me dissect that simple phrase for the next week and a half. "What does she mean? How was that mean? Why does she hate me?"
Beth didn't return Sara's text one time and Sara sat in her room with me crying upset because Beth hates her. Sara talks about their background how they have a history and Beth has never really liked her since they worked together five years ago. I didn't know any of this but apparently they had beef some time ago and Sara just wished they would clear the air. When I asked Sara their beef she's vague and says I wouldn't understand.
Two weeks after that we all go to the bar as a group and I am talking to Tom and Beth about our manager who fucking sucks. She has a name similar to Sara's and Sara thought we were talking shit on her. Sara goes off on Beth for this at the bar. It was a verbal berating and Beth rolled her eyes and left with Tom. We go out to smoke and cool down thinking that things have settled. Sara asks our friend, her roommate "Aly" to go into the bathroom. They're in there for fifteen minutes. They come out and Aly is freaking out because Sara was killing her good time.
We decide to play darts for a little while and Sara comes up to me. "Well what about that?" I wasn't sure what she was talking about because it had been nearly an hour since Beth and Tom left. Sara starts railing me because I didn't have her back in the situation and she would not let up. She is crying calling me a bad best friend, asking me how she was in the wrong, asking me why I have betrayed her.
This literally goes on for another hour, she is completely blacked out. I shut down at one point and tell her that I would speak with her the next day about it. She would not stop. I got so mad and told her to take the bus home. I yelled at her and I do not yell or get angry very often at all. She is sobbing crying, asking if we are gonna call the cops in her. She is making a scene and it is embarrassing. Eventually she gets up and Uber's home.
Aly told me the next day she had no idea any of this happened. Sara remembered nothing. Aly had to tell her of the whole thing and Sara says that she remembered it differently, but she had to have Aly tell her the details. She sent Beth a text saying sorry, but she wanted to explain her side. Beth says they have no "background" the weekend trip we took was proba ly the most time they've ever spent together. All these years they've known each other, they've never been close but they've never been enemies. Beth does not want to be around her at all.
Sara avoided me for a day and half and when we did see each other I had just gotten off work and she was drunk. She "apologized" to me, but wanted me to also admit that I didn't have her back. She says that when she feels betrayed it hurts, and I hurt her. She says I wasn't seeing it from "her side"
I did nothing wrong. Beth did nothing wrong. I told her I did not want to be around her anymore. I do not want to be friends with her and we will see each other around cause we work at the same place, but we are not friends. I told her she needed to stop drinking and should probably seek mental health resources. I will not associate with her from there on out. Aly says that she could hear her sobbing herself to sleep that night. Sara told Aly that she had told me things she'd never told anyone else and that we were like siblings.
As of today I have known her for 26 days.
And finally here is where I now think that I might be an asshole here:
More than anything I can feel she is trying to make a connection with people. If we are at a bar she can have a conversation with anyone. She is really kind when sober and really engaging conversationalist. She can relate with whoever and share a good laugh. She is reaching out for a hand to hold. And I refuse.
Sara is on an arsenal of medication for her mental health. Aly accidentally saw how many pills when she was looking for a tampon and Sara has to take them everyday or she is a risk to herself and others. She has had nervous breakdowns in the past and she does not deal with things well. She is depressed and I think for the most part she just has a rotating group of friends because people don't stay around her long enough. No one has shown the care to just make sure she is alright. They dip out and she feels worse about herself. It is clear to me that is girl is headed to a bad end. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but I am fully convinced that this girl is not long for this world.
Aly has told me that she has already said "Maybe I should just kill myself."
Of course I don't want that. But I do not want this girl in my life at all.
| HISTORICAL | {
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0n3zhL4Xt5Q1cG7ER4tyacZ1v0J8itvV | ah2688 | {
"description": "trying to get a group of smokers to use an ash tray",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA for trying to get a group of smokers to use an ash tray? | So i work at a grocery store in a strip mall complex, and i vape on my breaks. Im not allowed to do so on our property so i go behind the other buildings in the complex, like the unofficial smoking area.
Everyone else smokes cigarettes and since there is no ash tray they just thrown them on the ground.
Ive been considering putting a coffee can out here and labeling it ash tray so they stop littering...
But since i dont smoke wibta??
I dont want to upset anyone but littering sucks | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
l8qFgHwAFTCdRVUHbQJaHdyLdD8HepOu | 9uqnee | {
"description": "covering the router lights with some post-it notes",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for covering the router lights with some post-it notes? | Soo I live with two roommates, we don’t usually talk too much and we mostly mind our business, I came two months ago and they told me that in my room I would have to sleep nearby a router with white led lights, which are extremely annoying when you try to sleep, I told them that the lights were a bit annoying but I could live with that, a month later I tried to cover it with some boxes and they told me that I should never do that because it can overheat, I apologised and kept living with the router, today I tried to cover the lights with some post it and it worked out pretty good, and it didn’t effect the router either, but they were still pissed off because it was the router they paid and didn’t want sticky stuff on it, I apologised again and thought that they were right and maybe I should just accept it and keep doing my stuff, but later she comes back to me and say that she turned off the lights, sooo now I really want to ask them why they didn’t even tell me that I could turn off the led and keep the router working but I don’t want to start another conversation, but I really don’t understand why they haven’t turned off the led if I already told them that they were annoying during night | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
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} | RIGHT |
j4lIBQnZk44vaGYMi8l89QhvpmHbsPNp | ap07hl | {
"description": "felling awkward or angry at my mother for being in a relatioship with my uncle",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for felling awkward or angry at my mother for being in a relatioship with my uncle? | Sorry if this is short but I need to relief myself. Well first of all let's have some context here
I'm 15yo girl who is total shit
My mom a great woman
my uncle, not blood related but it still and uncle
​
This story just happened today, I went to a house that my uncle rent. There was a pool and everything, we had barbacue etc but I really felt uncomfortable everytime my mom was near my uncle wrapping her arms around him and those things but when they would kiss everytime that's when I was fed up. They would even "hide" to I assume to make out but when they done that they always walked in front of me so I knew what going on.
She is not like my dad because he told me he has a girlfriend last year but he is giving me time because he know how I react to things like that however my mom is not doing this, she straight up took our sister and us to that house and even if I've seen my uncle multiple times I still can't he see him and my mom's boyfriend he's still an uncle for me. I also need to say when he told me about his girlfriend my grandparents (mom's parents) told me that he left us for her and inmediatly I was angry at him but later on he told me the truth.
I think that I'm the asshole for not accepting this situation fast enough and that I'm a little childish but I also think that I have some kind of problem or something
​
idk help me | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ArmEQjnQyJMLzmofXPxIdeNMT77E9EHB | b3g8pq | {
"description": "not risking my job so you have a shot at a sale",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not risking my job so you have a shot at a sale? | Here's the text i sent him, after he has been reaching out to me, and only me to try to get a sale out of the company he was terminated from as well as continually not seeing that this is borderline solicitation (i should mention i (and he used to as well) work in Imports, not anything related to IT of any sort).
"I'm sure you're looking at me like I'm some kind of a bitch, and to a degree, you're not wrong. However I implore you to look at this from my point of view. I start with the statement that there are 3 things I find particularly unsavory.
1. People calling my place of work and expecting an earnest or fun conversation, when I am unable to consent to that interaction prior to the phone ringing as it is my WORK PHONE and i have no choice but to answer it.
2. Suprise visits from literally anybody ever or at any time, and
3. Anyone having any sense of expectation of me 'hooking people up' , doing favors or randomly having requests.
I was annoyed when you called the first time asking about printers, as again, you are calling me, and expecting me, not the woman at the front desk whos whole job it is to make sure the right calls go to the right place, to put you in contact with someone who can get you the answer you want. Which in the case of 'company' is hilarious to think you'll get anywhere here, as if you recall 'boss' has the say in 9000% of what happens with everything, as well as somehow still succeeding in wrapping me up in whatever you're doing.
In this, you called me at my place of work twice now and in this instance politely expect, not ask, me to get you into the building that you otherwise would not be permitted to enter. This puts me at risk for termination, at a job that I genuinely hate but depend on to live and soon will be necessary to keep for my mental stability (ala antidepressants).
In our conversations, i try my best to convey that this is not an appropriate course of action with my tone, and my contextual suggestions.
I hope you are able to understand. "
\-OP | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Mjs4L4vf9VzDfM6F6vX8QRssAgDEV6gc | aaqnwv | {
"description": "being upset I didn't get any birthday presents",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA because I'm upset I didn't get any birthday presents? | I'm sorry if this isn't the correct place to post this, this is the best subreddit I could think of.
As the title says, today is my 21st birthday and I didn't receive any birthday gifts. Is this just a normal part of being an adult? I got my boyfriend and roommates birthday gifts every year and I feel like I got some last year. I haven't said anything to anyone because I don't want to be a dick, should I just move on?
Edit: I should also add I consider an activity a gift, but I'm just sitting at home with my boyfriend getting high like every day. I mentioned maybe going hiking but I guess we are staying in. My sister also hasn't said anything to me today. Am I just too sensitive? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
W2jo5yZihy5lQZN3MDnjzQNkVFMXTeZs | assjs8 | {
"description": "requesting that my roommates to wash their hands after using the bathroom",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA for requesting that my roommates to wash their hands after using the bathroom? | They are both in their early twenties. My room is directly next to the bathroom, so I have no choice but to be aware of their hand-washing habits, and neither of them EVER washes their hands after using the bathroom, whether urinating or defecating, and it really grosses me out. I put up a fairly subtle sign about hand-washing about a week ago but that did not help, so now I feel like my only choice is to just confront them about it. Thoughts? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
xknCpFEPfQtgYzFhooSr9WnnSzGEQp8x | b2eci5 | {
"description": "ending this friendship",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For ending this friendship? | I recently ended my closest childhood friendship because the friend got a girlfriend and completely changed the way he talked to everyone. he became an asshole to everyone except his gf. i ended things with him because he had no time to hang out with just me. he never wanted to listen to my problem he just wanted to talk about his new girl. idk if i’m the asshole or not. all i know is that my life has improved since i dropped his toxic ass | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
qrXB71DONGoR4YmOZgwL5gHSDEjlXxQN | aoib28 | null | AITA: Best friend went on my dream vacation | For probably 10 years I've planned to go to Salem, Massachusetts as a celebration for getting my degree. If that time period seems long it is because I've gotten multiple degrees and have not been able to find a way to swing the price no matter how I try to save or rearrange the trip, New England is terribly expensive and I live very far away. This trip was really important to me, it was often a beacon of hope through bad times and tough study days. I'd look through hashtags for Salem on places like Instagram when I was feeling down. I knew the hotel I wanted to stay at, the day I wanted to go etc.
​
My best friend's family is wealthy, I am not remotely. My best friend is a grown person who does not work or go to college, has everything she could ask for etc. At some point I told her mother the details of the trip I wanted to take and she said it sounded like a waste of money, that historical trips are boring, and I should go to Disney World instead for that price. Imagine my surprise when a few months later she begins planning a trip with the family to Salem. Imagine my greater surprise when they go on the day I planned to go, stayed in the hotel I planned to stay in, and essentially took my exact trip.
​
I decided to be honest with my friend and tell her that I was having a hard time hearing about their plans as it was frankly bumming me out. She fairly pointed out that it was maybe silly to expect her to never go because I cannot afford to. My experience with her mom suggests that she enjoys doing expensive things that others wish to, but can't facilitate. AITA for not wanting to discuss this trip with my friend? For not being happy for her? It sort of took the dream of wanting to go away for me now. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
8NxWWWPVSA9NxZknx5P4vnE0a7sAYsdz | ba5btk | {
"description": "telling my dad I don't want him to bring \"my sister\" to my house ever again",
"pronormative_score": 51,
"contranormative_score": 31
} | AITA for telling my dad I don't want him to bring "my sister" to my house ever again | I'm on mobile so excuse the format
Short back story. Around 20 years ago we found out that my dad had a daughter from previous relationship. Cool what ever I always wanted a sibling since I was an only child at the time. "My sister" I'll call her "E" totally flipped her shit at the thought she was my dad's daughter and bad mouthed him all the way until she was around 20 something and was married to an abusive drunk guy. She started to call my dad asking for financial help. My dad tried to be a part of her life ever since he found out, at the time E was probably around 9 years old, but she didn't want anything to do with my dad back then.
So fast forward 10+ years and she is suddenly calling him dad and saying she loves him. Things got so out of hand that my dad was basically giving her about $2k a month for her to survive while her husband didn't work and basically lived off my dad. My mom and I convinced my dad to get a DNA test just to make sure she was his since there where alot of rumors about E's mom being the friendly girl in town. So turns out E isn't my dad's daughter. Ok cool we have no responsibility to help her. She eventually left the dude and found some one way better.
My dad still keeps in regular contact with her and the other day she asked my dad if they could come over to my farm and look at the animals and ride some horses. My dad didn't even bother to ask me. So the pulled up to my house this past weekend. She gets out the car and is calling me "brother" I told her I wasn't her brother.
As we are at the barn she tells one of her kids to ask his "grandpa" if he can ride a horse. So I called her out and told her to stop calling my dad her dad. That she never saw him as a dad and only reason she ever called him was because she needed his money and nothing else. She didn't even invite him to her second wedding. Words got exchanged and I told her she needed to leave my house and never come back.
My dad is now mad at me and is demanding I call her and apologize to her. I told him no I'm not apologizing to her and I don't want him to bring her to my house again.
So am I the asshole for calling her out on her b.s? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 19,
"OTHER": 48,
"EVERYBODY": 12,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 51,
"WRONG": 31
} | RIGHT |
lvB70rk7LisCx9C8Y2vuVuHtmNJSAU3T | anu6ay | {
"description": "\"ghosting\" my friend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for "ghosting" my friend? | **TLDR;** My friend is upset that I'm applying for jobs in another country (to move with my boyfriend). She sent me a very petty message, and instead of replying, I blocked her from messaging me on FB.
​
**Some background:** My friend has always been very possessive of my time and attention. Generally not an issue since I can also be a very dependent person, but it regularly comes back to bite me in the ass when I hang out with other people over her, or if I'm in a relationship. She actively tries to get me to break up with people and has admitted that she has never been happy to see me or any of her other friends in relationships because it means she'll be alone. There are some pretty severe jealousy issues at play, and we've gotten around most of them by just...not talking about my relationships.
​
That being said, she is aware that my boyfriend and I would like to leave the country. Permanently. It's a very slow work-in-progress/pipe-dream, and I adopted it after meeting my boyfriend because honestly...it sounds great. It was very out of character for her, but she was supportive when I told her. I could tell she was being careful not to say anything unkind and genuinely trying to see the good points in this move and I appreciated it with all of my heart. While I hate how possessive she can be, I understand that it's something she's aware of and battling.
​
**The situation:** Recently, she referred me to her workplace. She knows it makes me uncomfortable since her office is insanely social, but we talked it out and decided that I needed the money and could handle some social awkwardness for the sake of my rent and bills. I've just been offered the job, and accepted it. I let her know that I was also interviewing and applying at other places that fit my needs a bit better and she seemed chill about it. Understood how pay and commute were important deciding factors for me, yadda yadda. But then I told her I was applying to a job in another country:
​
***Me****: I'm gonna apply to this amazing job overseas.*
***Her****: Oh cool! Too bad you're too poor to make that move.*
***Me****: If they sponsor me, I could get help with that. Admittedly, odds are slim.*
***Her****: Yeah. And you shouldn't move until your health is in order.*
***Me****: ??? My health is fine. I'm diagnosed and medicated. Other countries have doctors too.*
***Her****: It'll still take a long time to see someone. It's better to wait to move until you've figured it out.*
***Me****: I don't have weird meds. I can get a couple months filled to hold me over if I need to. Or even go without meds for a minute. I'll be okay.*
***Her****: Okay, good luck!*
***Me****: Thanks, I'm excited!*
***Her****: Who knows. Maybe you'll get it and you'll be able to leave and take your boyfriend with you and give him the life he's always dreamed of. Sounds neat. I'm working so ttyl.*
​
I was fuming, so I blocked her from messaging me on FB. I didn't outright block her profile and she can still hit me up over text or other social media. It took her several days to even realize she was blocked and she continued to send me texts without me responding. I finally answered to let her know I needed space and she says something to the tune of "It's okay if you need space, just don't ghost me." That pissed me off even more tbh. We clearly both wanted space, but as soon as she's done wallowing, I'm expected to just be open and available? Grahhh.
I can't help but see this all as selfish behavior on her part, and I don't regret blocking her the way I did. But...AITA for that? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
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htOH69EAym0lggO2pvH6m3q2yOyoQ61r | atscg4 | {
"description": "ignoring my mother's 25+ phone calls and 28 text messages over a span of 30 minutes",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for ignoring my mother's 25+ phone calls and 28 text messages over a span of 30 minutes? | Ok, so for some context; my mother and her family are AVID supporters of Trump and believe that Rush Limbaugh is right, and this is exactly what my mother has said, "99.99% of the time". I am not here to discuss politics, but that and the fact that I am a registered Democrat and have very different opinions and views from her are pretty important info for all of the following. This might get a bit long, and I apologize if it does.
So my fiancé and I had just finished dinner after seeing a play that his younger brother and my niece were part of at their school. So I decided to check Facebook to see if my sister had posted any pictures of my niece, and just to do some of that classic, endless, pointless scrolling before I decided to get up and actually do something. I see I've got some notifications, so after saving some photos from my sister, I decided to check them. Lo and behold, it was mother tagging my brother, fiancé, and I in comments on posts in a Rush Limbaugh group, posts that were bashing Bernie Sanders. I'm just like, ok, she's entitled to her opinion, whatever. But I would prefer to avoid anything political on Facebook, because my family doesn't debate, they argue and tell you why you're wrong while refusing to hear anything from anyone who disagrees. So, I text her, asking her fairly politely to please stop tagging me in such things. No harm done, right?
Wrong. She starts unnecessarily blowing my phone up. Basically, I asked my mom nicely to stop tagging me in a republican facebook group, she took it personally, bringing my father into the argument somehow, and being overall ridiculous, all within 28 texts and 25+ missed calls from her, after I told her I'd be away from my phone to shower. She's being very petty, and I orignally posted this with the text convo, but it exceeded the word limit so I'm redoing it without. If anyone would like to see the messages, let me know.
I've been diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder for some time now, and even though I have drastically improved and gotten better with some outside help, these situations always stress me out to the point that I am a trembling, anxious mess. She makes me feel like I've made no progress at all with my mental health. Which, in my opinion, is not a healthy reaction to my mother trying to call me so many times.
tl;dr - Asked mom to stop tagging me in comments on political posts in a group I don't care for, she took it personally and blew it out of proportion, so I ignored my phone, trying to do what was right for me so I didn't stress out over it all unnecessarily.
I'll stay on for a while, in case anyone needs any more specific information to form an opinion, but I need to know so I can calm my nerves; Am I the asshole here? Did I do something wrong? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
LHaBJvqW4jJecRsYCwpV1l8qrxQ72hHs | aq2mfg | {
"description": "not wanting to drive 1.5 hours in a snow storm to see my best friend, especially because this would be my 3rd time canceling plans in a row",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not wanting to drive 1.5 hours in a snow storm to see my best friend, especially because this would be my 3rd time canceling plans in a row? | I’ve canceled the last 2 times because of car troubles. she lives about 1.5 hours away so i don’t get to see her often considering we both work and have school.
She’s mad because this is my 3rd time cancelling on her. I didn’t know the whether would be this intense, i’ve driven in bad weather but this is some other shit.
she says if she can walk to school in all this wind and snow then i can drive 1.5 hours, but my car insurance policy is already through the roof from my accidents my parents have gotten in and i just don’t wanna risk hurting other drivers, myself, or my car. it also causes me anxiety to drive in storms, and sitting in a car for a long period of time causes me immense back pain.
I understand it can be frustrating because i’ve cancelled two other times, but i’m always the one to drive up to her because she doesn’t have a license/car, but she says she canceled a bunch of plans to hangout with me this time.
TL;DR Canceled plans twice because car trouble, cancelled 3rd time because a big ass snow storm, friends that lives 1.5 hours away is mad that i keep canceling plans. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
Il5OI0Jlas1U5GyNeoQzO8Nni1nlet1V | a1l3uh | {
"description": "shaming a student in front of the school",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 11
} | AITA for shaming a student in front of the school? | This happened a few years ago but it drummed up a lot of controversy and I still sometimes look back and wonder if what I did was the right thing.
So I used to run a 'Math Monday' program in my senior year of highschool. The concept was pretty simple- Every monday, I send a math problem to the school (there's a mailing list with all students and faculty) and the following Monday I announce the winners. It was just something I came up with which I thought would be fun. The first few weeks went ok, but one day, a new student decided to ask the riddle on StackOverflow and tried to submit someone else's solution as his own. His solution was slightly edited in some places, and he specifically stated in the email he sent to me that "this is *my* solution". It was a pretty clear cut case of plagiarism.
The Math Monday program was still in its infancy. I had sent an email about the rules beforehand but I hadn't considered cases of plagiarism in the rules, so I considered being more lenient.
As I saw it, I had 2 options:
1-Talk to him about it privately. Don't make a big fuss, just quietly let him know its not okay to cheat.
2-Expose his plagiarism to the school to send a strong message that plagiarism is never okay.
As you can tell from the title of this post, I did the latter. I spoke to a few friends about it beforehand and they thought I should send the email so I did it.
This kicked up a lot of drama at school the following day.
Eventually, the student who cheated sent a shitty apology mail saying he didn't know cheating wasn't allowed. It was a very poorly worded apology and just reading it made me cringe and feel bad for him.
However, things get even worse. The head of Administrative Affairs( dont remember his exact title, but he's a highly respected/feared faculty member that nobody messes with) replied to the cheater's email basically roasting him for his insincere apology. This made everything 10 times worse and I immediately regretted making things escalate to this level when I could've just given the boy a personal talking to. The fact that he was a new student still adjusting to dorm life) it was a boarding school) made things worse still.
The strict teachers all supported my decision but most of my friends gave me shit for doing it.
So AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 11
} | WRONG |
0cZerjBTkMLk8uzBpjAZVzOwmGdR41Pc | aimu0s | null | AITA My best friend got pregnant, and I don't want to be her friend anymore. | First, let me start this off by saying that this is a friend I've known for six years.
​
i know to some older Reddit users that doesn't sound like a long time, but im only 18. For me, six years is 1/3 of my life span. its the equivalent of being 60 and knowing some one 20 years. its a long time for me, especially since this person has been such a steady presence for most of the time that I've known her.
​
Her name is Wolfie, well, that isn't her real name, but it's what I've called her all of our friendship. I met Wolfie when i was 12 at our mutual Jr high. I, as a prepubescent girl with issues, immediately fell in love with her. she was pretty, and smart, and she had this edge to her that really appealed to me. (imagine ravine from teen titans, but Hispanic and a little chubby.) we grew really close very quickly, or I should say that I grew close to her very quickly. She never seemed to hold me to the same light that i held her.
​
After I had confessed my feelings to her, she turned me down. It hurt, but I understood. Even after we decided to be just friends, she still never seemed to hold me to the same light that I held her. I took her on family vacations, Constantly bought her food. One summer, her house literally broke in half and she staid with my family and i for a few weeks. I always treated her better than my other friends, even when my other friends deserved it more than she did. It got to the point that I planned my life around her. I blindly hated people she hated, I blindly trusted the people she trusted. I would put her needs before my own.. It got to the point where I didn't really have any other friend's in my life because she had beef with people.
​
Don't get me wrong, I had beef with people too. Their was a girl, her name is Maddie. I'm not using a code name with her because I honestly can't stand her (She honestly deserves her own AMITA post.) Maddie and I had some beef in High school, and while I actively hated people that Wolfie didn't like, Wolfie had no problems being friends with the people who i couldn't stand. She just didn't seem to reciprocate the loyalty that I had for her.
​
Wolfie is a year older than me, so she went to high school a year before I did. While she was a freshman, she met this guy who I'm going to call Fat man. Fat man and Wolfie went out for about half a year (I think.) Something you should know about Wolfie, she had a hard time being faithful to her partners.
​
Her real dad left her mother when Wolfie was 5 or 6. She has really bad commitment issues because of it. She cheated on Fat man. (shitty, i know.) but once he found out about that, HE LEAKED HER NUDES!!!! i know being cheated on is awful, and I wouldn't blame him for being upset about that. BUT THAT IS NO EXCUSE TO LEAK SOMEONE'S NUDES!!!! She was fourteen, he was fifteen (I think, he might have been older.) It absolutely destroyed her, it made her trust men even less than before.
​
That all happened about 4 or 5 years ago, she moved on and found love a few more times after that. After she graduated, her and I lost contact for a while because she started to drift away from me. the one or two times we would hang out, she mentioned that he was talking to her again. i encouraged her to pursue the relationship, not because i thought she should, but because I knew that's what she wanted to hear. big mistake. I loved Wolfie, and I just wanted her to be happy. I should have told her I thought it was a bad idea because, he didn't treat her right when they were younger.she told me o, she got back together with the ex, who I remind you LEAKED HER NUDES IN HIGH SCHOOL!!!!!!! I bit my tongue about it, because I knew she really loved Fat man, and wanted to be with him. They moved in together after her parents kicked her out, and i ended up moving for a few months to get my mental health under control. I get a call one morning, and she's sobbing and upset because, turns out, she's pregnant. Her boyfriend lied to her about being fertile, and got her pregnant.
​
now she's 4 months pregnant, and honestly has lost contact with me recently. she started texting me and wants to be close again, but I honestly have no interest in trying to rekindle our friendship. I planned my life around her for so long, and tried my hardest to support her for years. now that she's pregnant i just know that things will never be the same as they were before, and i don't want to get stuck watching and taking care of a kid i honestly don't think she should keep. i think she should give it up for adoption, but its not up to me and i accept that. at the end of the day, she used me and my feelings for her to manipulate me growing up. I'm worried that if i got involved in her chaotic life again, it would bring me nothing but responsibility for a child that isn't mine. I just know her and Fat man aren't going to last, and i want to stay out of their drama and make friends my age who aren't getting pregnant and making horrible life choices.
​
Am i the ass hole for not supporting her? Am I the asshole for not wanting to let this person back in to my life even after all of the bad choices she's made? I just don't want to get caught up in the drama that made my high school years so toxic and dramatic. she's not a bad person, hell, she dragged me to the hospital when i tried to commit suicide! I know she cares about me, but I just don't know if I can put myself through the chaos that is helping her life again. She hasn't asked me to take care of the kid when it's born, but I know if i let myself get close to her again ill volunteer to do things I don't want to do just to make her happy.
​
I feel like all my support has done for her is enable her to make bad decisions. Am I an asshole for not wanting to let her back in to my life? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 9,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 10
} | RIGHT |
ui1r5jJM4Vw17ssu2q1nUznvJravxxH1 | b631nc | {
"description": "trying to stay away from my nephew as possible",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for trying to stay away from my nephew as possible? | Hi,
​
I am sorry if this is not a regular am I the asshole thread. I personally suffer from anxiety and I contemplate at everything I do and how it is perceived as I never want to be an asshole to anyone. Also, this is a throw-away because I do not want the attention I guess on my main account.
​
Anyway, that out of the way, I'm just going to write some stuff. I love my nephew and my entire family, but I try to stay away from my nephew. He gets easily energetic due to his form of autism. I have a personal history that gave me my anxiety at a very young age and I believe I have paedophobia (fear of children) because what had happened can be considered traumatic. I get extremely uncomfortable when I'm around him and at times he's had the pleasure of either a) Wacking me in the private area or b) headbutting me in the private area, which makes me extremely anxious to even think about.
I've tried telling my sister I feel like I have a problem with children when he was born (my nephew is currently 4 Y.O) but she laughed it off, and I've told my parents a lot to try and remove him from my room as my room is the only place I ever feel comfortable.
​
One time, my nephew and my sister came over one time because our mom agreed to babysit. My nephew came into my room when I was asleep and I was woken by a hit in my private areas, and then left me with my nephew who was climbing on top of me whilst she was watching. I pretty much pulled her to the side and said that she has to teach him not to go for any area of the genitals, but I do admit I was shouting at her because I had literally just woken up to a blow in the balls. Thankfully my nephew wasn't in the room but I do admit my action of shouting was unjustified. She left from my room and said she didn't want me to see her nephew anymore and burst into tears and I was pretty livid for the rest of the day.
Users of /AmItheasshole, AITA in this situation by trying to remove myself from these situations? Thanks for your responses.
​ | HISTORICAL | {
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Wbs558W0eR5wq1Fz7fnFTkL2QJ0q1oOX | b7wnyd | {
"description": "privately hoping I'll be unable to breastfeed",
"pronormative_score": 65,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for privately hoping I’ll be unable to breastfeed? | So I’m about 8 months pregnant before I got pregnant I was on Vyvanse for my ADHD and I absolutely loved it. Vyvanse has helped my life and mood tremendously. Vyvanse is a class 3 drug and I have not been able to take it while pregnant nor will I be able to take it while nursing. I was able to cope most of my life without It so it’s not necessary, but I feel myself missing how it was able to stabilize my mood and my life. I want to breastfeed my child bec I know it’s important to their development but I also just miss being able to take Vyvanse. I’m going to breastfeed regardless but I’ve been feeling guilty lately bec I find myself privately hoping I won’t be able to so that I can get back on Vyvanse. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 42,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 23,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 65,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
I0TYw7EVszW3hirpcAtQIen0XEeg8mZh | b9yapi | {
"description": "wanting to leave my so",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to leave my SO | So me 20m and my lady 19f have been dating for almost 3 years now, we've had issues up until this point but we talked things out and things got better.I eventually noticed she has this huge anxiety about those people who are close to her leaving her, while at the same time treating those people like crap,snapping at them swearing and blowing tiny things out of proportion
this ended up with me being like,ay maybe WE need therapy,or just you idk but the issue is she needs more cash flow before we can go do anything like that.(I'm not claiming I'm perfect here btw,just saying I noticed a few fucked up things she was doing and I figured there may be some trauma she needs to work out with someone as I've gone through counseling myself after one of my parents died when I was a child
next comes the issue of getting a job.She ended up landing a part time job at a grocery store, cool better than doing nothing(6months after getting put of high school she said she didn't want to do anything so she wouldn't) so she gets this job and the second she does constant bitching about the job ensues, and all these super dark negative comments pertaining to EVERYTHING (like you know people who look for the silver lining? Imagine opposite of that) which I can understand complaining to a point,but this was constant, and then I tell her,hey you know what would fix these complaints of yours and like a lot of other problems? Why don't ya try working somewhere else,talk to the people causing you problems instead of avoiding them.To which she got upset and said "YOU'RE JUDGING ME, AT LEAST I'M NOT A FUCKING BUM. I HAVE A JOB THAT'S BETTER THAN NOTHING"
it's been like this off and on for like 1.5 years now I believe.I'm at my limit it feels like she doesn't care about finding some different kinda job to try to make more money (which I would like to add I'm not asking to be spent on me I have my own money, she always has issues with money,"HOW WILL I AFFORD COLLEGE, MY CAR COSTS TOO MUCH"dear students loans or you could work in school there's options!And the car she got was from a family friend that had low miles bought WAYYYY below actual value.)My breaking point was today,she was checking for a job and her friend applied for the same job,her friend got a call for an interview before my gal did, and as she looking through her emails she skips past this one(after reading half of it out loud) about a bank teller position that pays $14.5 an hour full time that wanted to interview her.I asked her why she didn't get back in touch with them and she said this "I DESERVE THAT JOB (hospital administration) AND I CAN'T BELIEVE MY STUPID FRIEND GOT THIS JOB(more rants about how she's better than her friend)and I'm just like flabbergasted.I think I need to get out of this relationship it feels toxic and like I'm the only one who wants to fix things, additionally I had thought of breaking up before but I wanted her to get therapy so she would be safe and OK if I did so
| HISTORICAL | {
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YsnectcBNmgiIbeFIYe1yguwaAyHUWnK | 9thxvo | {
"description": "pretending to be this Guy's friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For Pretending To Be This Guy's Friend (Long) (TLDR at the bottom) | So I have a "friend" that I have been friends with for 10 years now. I'm 18 as is he and we met in 2nd grade. We both graduated in June and he went to college a little over and hour away from where we're from.
Me and my others friends started boxing a couple of months ago and we've been sparring on the weekends. So I texted this particular friend and asked him if he would like to spar on the weekend. He said yes and I told him that he would have to buy handwraps and a mouthguard and he said that he could do that. We texted a little more about when we would pick him up from college and we decided that my brother and I would drive to his college which is an hour away on Friday, then when we got back to the town we're all from we would go to the store and buy all the stuff he needed and then spar at my house.
So come friday we drive up to his school, pick him up, and on the way back to where we're from he tells us he forgot his wallet. At this point we're like 10 minutes away from home so we decide we could do it the next day. Then later I'm on snapchat and see his story. He's at a party getting drunk and high with his other friends. I don't think much of because he's been my friend for 10 years why would he lie about something so insignificant.
The next day comes around and I text him and ask him if he was ready to be picked up and go to Dick's (sports store). He texts me back and says he's at a funeral and probably wouldn't be able to make it.
At this point I start thinking. So I check snapchat again and look at the snap map which is basically a gps tracker that tells you where your friends are. I look at it and it says he's in his way back to where he goes to school. So I text him and ask him if he's at the funeral right now. He texts me back and says yes. Then I ask him where the funeral is. He says it's in a town 40 minutes south of where we are from. Where he goes to school is an hour north of where we are from. So I begin to connect the dots and come to the conclusion that he is lying. I double check the snap map an hour or so later, he's at his school. So he 100% lied to me about having a dead relative so he could get out of boxing me and use my brother and I as a free ride.
There are two things I don't tolerate whatsoever no matter how small the infraction is. Fucking with my money, and disloyalty to me, or any of my friends. (Some people think I'm an asshole for this but for me it's based solely on principle).
This "friend" of mine, cost me money (two hours worth of gas), and completely lied to me about his aunt dying.
For those who don't know sparring is usually relatively light and you're not trying to injure your sparring partner. However my plan is to pretend to be his friend until we step into the ring and completely beat the shit out of him for 12 rounds while he's expecting light sparring.
For reference we're both 6'2, he's 150 pounds and his only for of exercise is smoking weed, I'm 165 pounds and workout 2-3 times per week and work a very physical job. So he doesn't really stand a chance.
TLDR: A long term friend of mine lied to me about having a funeral so he could use my brother and I as a free ride home from where he goes to college and now I plan on beating the shit out of him. | HISTORICAL | {
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eTyMgRyaaHwz7GGMQINKd9OBe3CtsEYJ | b98hqn | {
"description": "making my friend feel bad for not rooming with me",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for making my friend feel bad for not rooming with me | For most of this semester me and my friend were hoping to get an off campus apartment starting next year. We were looking into different options. We preferred to have a third roommate to save money but we can’t seem to find one so we thought a two bedroom apartment would work.
We have been looking for apartments for a bit now, and found a few nice places. But yesterday he got an offer from two of his other friends to live with them. This place is nicer than the places we have been looking at and is cheaper because there would be three people living there. My friend told me this and I got a little sad. But he assured me he wouldn’t say yes to them unless our plans fell through.
Today, I made some calls to a place that he found, a 2 bedroom place in a nice neighborhood. I even scheduled a tour. I told him this and he seemed dismissive of the idea. When just the other day he really wanted to check this place out. We talked back and forth for a while and I got the vibe he really wouldn’t be happy with any options that I gave him. He started talking about how the other place he got offered to live was nicer and how his mom and gf would much rather him live there.
I got upset and told him that it sounded like he didn’t even want to try to make it work where we could still be roommates. I also told him we could talk later in person about it. I called my mom for some advice. Normally I wouldn’t mind that he got a better offer. But he’s my only option for a roommate next semester and we’d been planning it for a few months. So if he took the better offer I’d be left high and dry. My mom was upset about it too.
I tried to put myself in his shoes and think about what I would do in his situation and I really couldn’t decide what I’d do.
Later that day my friend and I talked. I told him in the end it’s up to him but that he’s really my only option for a roommate next semester. He said he feels bad and it sucks he’s in this position. He beat around the bush a lot and made excuses that I knew before the better offer was made, wouldn’t have mattered. I told him he needs to tell me what he’s doing so that I can figure out what I need to do. After some conversation I told him I would be upset, but it wouldn’t ruin our friendship. And he told me he would probably be taking the other offer. I told him I was upset but understood.
Later that night we were together and my mom called me. I told her what happened and she got angry over the phone. She said something along the lines of, “that’s really not fair, you guys have been planning this for so long and now he’s leaving you in the dust”. My friend heard all of it. He felt really bad and told me that we would work something out so that we can room together.
I honestly feel bad now, I told him I would be okay but my mom being upset is what made him feel bad. I love my mom for sticking up for me but I don’t want him to room with me out of guilt.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 5,
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ZrxMJV7BrrgFoqASQtmVeMHjAAA6pl6B | agne61 | {
"description": "wanting my husband to resuse towels",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for wanting my husband to resuse towels? | We don't I have a lot of towels, maybe 8 to 10 total. I do most of the laundry and I don't want it to pile up more than it is or have to do it so frequently , so I ask my husband to please hang up his towel on the hook to dry
so he can use it again just one more time before it's washed again. He usually leaves it on our bed or the floor of our room so only uses it once, and if he does hang it up like I asked, he says its gross and he would rather use a fresh one. Like I said this leads to a lot of laundry or worse us running out of towels when we need them. This is thankfully the only the only problem I have with him, he's gotten much better over the years about putting his dirty clothes in the hamper instead of crumpled on the floor. He showers more frequently than I do, so I'm usually without a towel, it happened this morning which led me to write this post. We've lived together 3 years, got married in 2017, and this is our 9th year together as a couple if this matters. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
if7Wxlm1tdsZItQE5R923813Sl4Ac68j | al3qlu | {
"description": "getting upset at my gf's parents for locking us out of the house",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for getting upset at my(28) gf(22)'s parents for locking us out of the house | So a few months ago my gf and I traveled out to her parents town to be able to see her sister be baptized and for her to get family pictures. Anyways, through some very poorly and not concrete texts we had decided that I would stay out in their motor home as they had no room inside and that my girlfriend could sleep with her little sister.
So everything was good until it was about time to go to bed. Now I had been dealing with an ulcer which gave me incredible heartburn and I would constantly wake up at night in incredible pain and have to take xantax to calm the pain. Since I was staying outside and I knew they would most likely lock the doors I asked my gf to ask her dad if there was a way I would be able to get inside, for instance the door code, if I needed to use the bathroom or take my medicine. To which he responded that he "didn't know the password and to ask her (step) mom." Now this was weird because how could the guy that could look at the camera for the doorbell not know the password?
Anyways, we didn't think too much about it, and decided to go get me settled in the motorhome and watch Netflix. We also texted her mom and asked her the same thing to which she responded that she didn't know and to ask her dad. Now this was confusing, and honestly I was getting pretty upset.
Now to preface this, we had tried to come to house early where we were locked out and her sister(18) was able to come home and unlock the door with the password. We asked if we could know the password and she said no because it was her password.
So fast forward, we ended falling asleep, and I woke up at 4 with terrible heartburn and was unable to get inside so we both just stayed out in the motorhome. Cue the morning, where we received texts from her stepmother on how disappointed she was in my gf and wouldn't accept any apology.
So not only, was I tired and sick but now I was angry because we had been lied to and then treated like children. So I, in my infinite wisdom, decided I was going to let her mother know of my disdain. I was riled up. When we went to door I shook the handle and then knocked. When her sister answered she said you couldve just knocked or rang the door bell. I said something disenchanted. Ended up getting into an argument with her mother who said that she was blameless and put it all on my gf for making her out to be the "evil stepmom". I ended up leaving the house in a fury because they would not budge.
Now they keep holding it over my head even though I apologized to the mother. I am now engaged to my gf and they have told lie after lie to try to break us up.
TL;DR gfs parents locked us out of the house with no way to get back in, I got mad, they accept no responsibility and keep holding it over my head. | HISTORICAL | {
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6LYaVSAj38tgmHi2g9TuRX5eecbKA483 | b9hz6e | {
"description": "telling my girlfriend that I am not going on any more picnics with her",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 72
} | AITA for telling my girlfriend that I am not going on any more picnics with her? | For some reason, my girlfriend really loves picnics. Recently, now that the weather has gotten sunny, we've started going on picnics around three times a week. I'm honestly not that big of a fan of picnics because it seems like too much of a bother to pack a hamper and lug it all the way to a park and all that. The amount of work it takes to go on a picnic has only increased because my girlfriend has started asking me to help her prepare food. I love my girlfriend, and I appreciate her. But a part of appreciating someone is letting them do what they're good at. In my girlfriend's case, this is cooking. I could talk for days about how good her sandwiches are, especially the type with crusty bread and olive oil. For the two years in which we have been dating, cooking has been strictly her domain.
The trouble started around three weeks ago, when she asked me to chop the veggies and eggs for the pasta salad. I was okay to oblige but her requests have become bigger and bigger. I was tasked with pretty much assembling whole sandwiches, frying chicken, and baking cookies. My girlfriend knows that I don't like cooking, and I thought she knew that it was her job. I've never asked her to vacuum because I know that it's my job. I eventually told my girlfriend how I felt about having to cook for her and I thought that we both had a rational and fulfilling discussion. She may have seemed a bit reluctant about cooking for picnics herself, but she did agree that we would both stick to our own jobs. Unfortunately, she lied. Yesterday, before a picnic, my girlfriend asked me to open and cube a watermelon. I reminded her of our agreement and that's when we started arguing. My girlfriend is very mild mannered, I've never heard her actually get into a temper before. I was very taken aback and a bit miffed that she would go back on our agreement and then proceed to yell at me. We ended up not going on a picnic and I ordered a pizza for the both of us. I told her that going on picnics were more trouble than they were worth, especially because we had gotten into an argument over it. It's hard to tell when my girlfriend is in a bad mood because she hides it so well, but yesterday she broke down and cried. I don't exactly feel in the wrong but it's fair to say that I feel bad about it. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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"EVERYBODY": 3,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 72
} | WRONG |
Sp5a7P6FjjwWMSlnlSfxaPr3QKSylxE3 | a69u1e | {
"description": "wanting to work farther away from my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to work farther away from my girlfriend? | AITA? So my gf still lives in the town of our high school. she’s also a senior this year. i graduated when she was an junior, and moved to a more populated area. i still work at a walmart that i have been working for, for 2 years. This place is dreadful. i want to get a new job farther away because i absolutely hate this place. she’s mad at me because i wanna do so. she said “okay so great, i will only get to see you 5 hours a week, i can’t see you on your lunch breaks, or after work then.”
Am I the asshole for wanting to do what’s best for me? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
EwLAMgRWENs2H2qPk9PPtSecy4y7n3US | alrlp0 | {
"description": "breaking up with my ex-girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for breaking up with my ex-girlfriend? | First of all, english is not my native language, so sorry for my bad write.
Six months ago i break up with my ex, the reason is that she invited me to a party that i could't go, because on the next day i would go on an track day with my friend (this is my unique hobby), so i let her go without me, no problem at this point, i went to the track day had fun and i texted her, but didn't received any notice of her, so at this time i got really worried of what happened to her, so i asked to a friend of mine that went to the same party, he said to me that she went to a boys house (a guy that i don't fucking now) and slept thare, so i pick up my bike and went on her house, i waited outside for like 2 hours because she was not there, when she appeared she instantly went to a "OH FUCK FACE", i asked her what happaned, she said to me that she only slep there because was to late for her to come home. I didn't trust that because she was with some friends, and one of them was with a car.
​
After like a 1 hour talking to her, i decided to break up, i was very angry at the moment, she had some depressive problems but we had a active sexual life, i don't know what really happened but i felt betrayd, so in my opnion was better part aways.
​
AITA for breaking up with her like that? or i did the right thing? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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cI3a1SYl5bn1k1QOE3fqnUpe5rDLiSBX | ap79lt | {
"description": "texting my hairdresser after ghosting her",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for texting my hairdresser after ghosting her? | I told my hairdresser I wanted to dye my hair back in September, and she sent me some colors we could work with. I told her I would let her know after I had my job interview, but I never texted her back. Tuition was more than I had anticipated and the holidays reaped all my money away. I finally have the funds to go, but I never followed up with her. Would I be an asshole if I texted her months later asking for a dye? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
jupNPMYMEmYQM5JxuAuu9tONDsew1Wm4 | a7qrz5 | {
"description": "giving a shit about my job",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for giving a shit about my job? | ​
Hey guys,
I've had issues with employment the past year. Who knows why. Anyways, my friend helped me find a new job. I took a job that he didn't want, so he recommended me in his stead to the foreman of the job.
Great. Yesterday, was the first time I'd been working for a while. I really pushed myself and I think the foreman noticed. Gave me several pats on the back and even let me go 3 hours early while giving me the full days pay. Sweet. Well, my buddy decided to tag along for this morning. Great. I started working and he got really pissed. Told me I was working too fast. He told me to slow down to save work for him. I told him that that was not the person that I am, I do my best whatever it is. He went off and called me an ass, faggot, bitch, etc. I understood that today was the last day anyways, and clearly, there was a great deal of work left to be done. I could see that he and I definitely had the work cut out for us.
My friend ended up basically hiding for the whole job. Making it look like he was doing something productive. I hate that shit but I totally get it. The pay is terrible.
I tried to contact him to help him to give him a ride home but he told me not to contact him again (not in those words). He is a decent guy who has helped me a lot. I just don't want to see the friendship end. It is not the first time that I pissed him off by doing something I thought was right or by questioning his appraisal of things.
Ironically, my friend and I were of only a few employees asked back to come in tomorrow for extra work. | HISTORICAL | {
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jSwvPtfU39TMUf9zJmvCVmhCZZYanVwt | a5ir6z | {
"description": "breaking up with my ex",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For Breaking Up With My Ex? | Me (23F) and my ex boyfriend (23M) have been broken up for over 8 months now. We were dating for 3 years. Our relationship has been great until the ending when I started to not trust him anymore. I have listed a few of the reasons why below
\- He started talking to this girl at his work that started to like him. She confessed her love to him and he told me he did not like her. Later I find out that over the few months they were friends, he never once mentioned me.
\- He wanted to go to the movies with her and her and asked for my permission (obviously I said no). I appreciate him asking me, but throughout our 3 years of dating, he never wanted to go to the movies with me.
\- He came over to my house and told me he doesn't love me as much as he used to, but doesn't want to break up. Apparently he felt this way a few months before telling me.
\- He would never allow me to go to parties with or without him.. Which was fine because both of us don't like parties. Towards the end of our relationship, he started to go to parties with his one friend without me and did not care about my opinion. His friend told him that he kissed someone when my ex says he did not.
I ended up breaking up with him. It was so hard to let go. He realized he messed up and noticed how wrong he was. Meanwhile he was telling me all of this with a hickey on his neck from a party he went to when when we first broke up. We gave our relationship another try. After a week I saw no change and he just seemed back to his old self and not showing much affection. So I broke up with him again. While I was crying in the car breaking up with him, he told me to hush because he heard a nice exhaust driving by.
Fast forward 7 months and he still texts me every now and then saying how much of a mistake he made. I know its genuine because I can tell how hurt he is by us not being together. I know he learned from his mistakes. He hasn't been the same without me and now I feel like I was being too harsh for breaking up with him after 3 years. I feel bad about not wanting him back, but I will always have love for him. But then I think about all of the things he has put me through. AITA for this? Should I have continued with our relationship and tried to work things out when we have been together for so long? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 10,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
HYtcylr7Xxg8bBKTqm2l6Yrp1g3ZvKtt | b11cev | {
"description": "cursing out and reporting my dorm mate for making a meme",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for cursing out and reporting my dorm mate for making a meme? | So, a little backstory- I’m currently a freshman in college and I have a particularly problematic dorm mate that we will call Q. Since September Q has harassed girls on our floor, cheated on his girlfriend in high school, said racist and sexist things, always brags about his money, and is just generally kind of an asshole. I was friends with him for most of the first semester of college, until we got into a particularly heated argument where he unwarrantedly insulted me for something personal that had happened in my past several years ago, an event that I confided in him. Although It was heated, I thought that he crossed the line by bringing something personal up, so I blocked him and stopped talking to him.
Flash forward several months later, we got new whiteboards posted on our dorm doors. Everybody has their own board where they can write messages or draw something funny. One of my friends who visited from high school decided to put my high school name “X” on my white board in marker. A couple of days later, a dorm mate pointed out that Q had posted a picture of me on the front of his door without my permission. The photo in itself was not that embarrassing (Although it does show me at a fraternity although I’m only 18) and the text on top was about my high school. All it said was “Hi I’m u/ananiacc and I went to X high skool!!!!,” but in the mocking font you see in spongebob memes (Alternating capital and lowercase letters). I knocked on his door to ask why he posted this mocking picture of me on his door without my permission, and he said that it was funny. I was completely baffled as to why he would do this, as we have not talked for months since the argument, and we are in no way good enough friends to joke with each other like this. I asked him to take the picture down and he refused to as he “worked hard on it,” so I just took it down and he retaliated that he would put it back up. This was the straw that broke the camels back, and I started to yell at him about how much of an asshole he was.
I reported this to my RA, who had a talk with Q about his behavior. Q said he didn’t see why I was so offended, and when the RA pointed out the mocking font, he asked the RA if he could put up the picture again in a normal font. Again, my RA told him he could only do it with my permission. After that, he talked about how I actually offended him by displaying the name of my high school on my door (My high school is ranked high academically), as he thought I was being elitist and looking down on him. He then talked about how he thought he was being bullied by the entire floor, as everyone avoids him.
After seeing how isolated he feels from our floor, I feel that yelling at him may have made things worse, and am worried that I was the asshole for refusing to reconcile with him and just accept the joke.
Am I the Asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 4,
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"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
kCqlpYo33aNHwLtcKJh7Pxx9IlFAUIAj | ag8u3a | {
"description": "eating leftovers without permission",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 16
} | AITA For eating leftovers without permission. | A quick backstory leading into this:
Over the weekend, my wife tells me that she needs me to reschedule my streaming on both Monday and Wednesday because she has a "team meeting" on both days from 8-11. (Stream time is 7-10) I figured okay, whatever, she wants me to occupy my stepson while she's not here. On Sunday, she says it again and says she has a meeting with her "team" to finish work. At this point, I'm assuming she's talking about.....work, like her job. She later makes spaghetti for dinner, nothing else is talked about related to this team meeting or work. We spend 3 and halfish hours watching a movie or two, in the living next to each other and then go to bed.
​
Yesterday: I do my usual thing, go to work, come home (6pmish), find something to feed the boy with...original thought "Bruh corndogs!" Open the freezer and stop. Why not just eat the left overs instead? So I take them out and he and I eat the leftover meal. Fast forward to 7:30p (40 minutes later than my wife would normally be home) And I shoot her a text asking if she wasn't gonna be home until after the meeting. She responds that she's at a pharmacy and the work she thought she had to do on Monday, was completed Sunday and she forgot to tell me about it. Turns out this work meeting, is school related and she would've been home anyway.
​
Fast forward to after she gets home (7:50ish), in which she sits in the living room playing mobile games or watching tv. I'm in "my room" working on stuff. Around 11p, I'm about to shower and head to bed, she calls me into the living room and says.
"Next time, if I cook anything, how about you leave it for me to eat? I've been sitting here for four hours hungry and now I'm grumpy."
​
My response: ".....you could have texted ahead that you wanted me to save that for you"
​
Enter a 3 hour argument, where we're both complete assholes to each other ending with me waking up to a 5.pg text. (She does that when she says she's done arguing but still wants to say a bunch of stuff without me being able to respond)
​
Before going to sleep, on the topic of the leftovers I essentially summed it up to her that: She could have texted me. I could've texted her. We both failed. But this isn't an acceptable answer and I'm a "selfish unappreciative asshole" and have apparently lost all eating privileges in the house; which in a very asshole (childish) fashion, I will accept and follow through on. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 14,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 16
} | WRONG |
qAtpp5E81ZkTyGGiHa2nxyIzYRx50hbR | ao6rg8 | {
"description": "being mad at my gf for saying \"it's rude to reject someone's flirting more than 5 times\"",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for being mad at my gf for saying “it’s rude to reject someone’s flirting more than 5 times” | Some pretext, I’m 17 and I’ve been dating my gf for 3 months and recently one of her close guy friends (she’s been friends with him longer than I’ve been friends with her) just now started flirting with her. He’s called her his girlfriend “jokingly” and has consistently send her Goodmorning texts and FaceTimed her to do homework. She told him to stop flirting a few times but now she doesn’t. She doesn’t flirt back but she also doesn’t tell him to stop because “it’s rude to keep rejecting someone over and over”(her words exactly). I personally think it’s disrespectful to her for him to keep flirting with her because she’s told him to stop and she’s in a relationship with me. Also it makes me feel like she doesn’t respect our relationship enough to make it clear to others there are boundaries. I wouldn’t care if it was a stranger complimenting her at the mall when I’m not there or something, but the guy knows she’s dating me. Am I being an asshole for getting really mad because she won’t tell her friend straight up that he needs to stop flirting? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
BBOoRRwcO8JuD7lEUcxJkftzSpKAEKNZ | ap5mp2 | {
"description": "not contacting a restaurant about a billing error after the worst eating experience of my life",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not contacting a restaurant about a billing error after the worst eating experience of my life? | Hi all,
So I was in a new town for a job interview and decided to unwind the night before by going to a hookah bar/cafe.
Suffice to say it was a nightmare, I had to reorder my hookah 3 times (walking up to the counter the last two times) because they never actually wrote down the ticket and the servers would just go start shmoozing with the regulars. Then I waited literally 1.5hr for a soda I ordered when I walked in and had to wait another 45 minutes on top of that for a small food order. Fortunately after telling them I’m diabetic was starting to pass out it only took them 15 minutes to grab the soda from that point.
When I finally got my cat food meal and ate it I went to pay. I was first charged for the wrong bill and had to spend 5 minutes convincing them that no lone human being could have actually consumed the amount of food/4 hookahs I was charged. When I finally get the right bill they’ve added on a 25% service fee because my “party” (they sat me in a booth with other people, I don’t know a single soul in the state I was in) was more than 3 people.
I go ahead and swipe my card because they won’t budge on that and I have an Uber in the parking lot waiting for me at this point. There’s some sort of error. Rinse and repeat, same error. Swipe a third time and I get the same error, but after signing. They tell me I’m good to go though and that it happens. As I go to leave a bouncer legit prevents me from exiting saying I still haven’t paid up. Since they couldn’t print me a receipt I have to go hunt down the manager who tells them it’s cool.
Today I checked my credit card statement and I see 3 charges and 3 equal credits from this restaurant. As far as I’m concerned if they contact me I’m good for the money but I’m not going to go out of my way to pay them. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
olKOTlnjnZGVHhNjz0D3QYHNEz2RaE9I | 9vhgsu | {
"description": "telling my girlfriend to do something about her skin",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my girlfriend to do something about her skin? | Ive been with my girl for awhile (3+ years). Shes always had a little bit of a skin issue.. nothing crazy. But over the past 2 years, it went from okayish to bad and now its the worst I’ve seen it. The crazy part? She seems to not care. She washes her face, minimal make up, all the little things. But its getting worse almost by the day. I love her but my attraction level to her is at a very low point.. we’re both mid-20s and to be honest, this is a pretty big issue. I’ve told her countless times, in a very plesant tone, that I think she should see a doctor for it. She shrugs it off as her “diet needs fixing” or more water. Well ok..but she never makes the changes then. I love her but her not really seeming bothered by it is making me uncomfortable. AITA?
TLDR: my girls acne is making me lose attraction. I say go to a doctor and get it fixed. She claims its diet but doesn’t make any effort to change anything and I am not a happy boyfriend; attraction level at its lowest. AITA for suggesting she get help? AITA for feeling like this? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
G5Ju2MVT3Bt7I6rNAzXBrxLCY6IO7vxk | b7p014 | {
"description": "not wanting to give my mom a $400 MacBook after she \"borrowed\" $100 from me",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting to give my mom a $400 MacBook after she “borrowed” $100 from me? | English not first language, mobile, all that jazz.
So, I started working with my dad for a few days (6 to be exact) and was getting paid by the work day ($100/day), I was about to get my pay for the past 2 days of work when my mom asks me if I could get a $100 outdoor table set for the house since we just got a barbecue, I, being the decent son I am, agree and let her get my pay herself since it would be simpler (my boss IS her husband after all), so she drops me off at home, grabs the money and heads off to walmart. When she comes back, we set up the table and chairs, and head inside. She says nothing about the rest of my money, which is a little strange, but I pay it no mind.
The next day, I wake up and notice she’s not home, not a problem, I’ve been taking care of my little sister for a year now so we pass the time until she comes back, when she does come back I greet her, hug her and go back to my room. After a while, she calls me to the living room, and says “Thank you for the gift!” I’m sort of confused by that and say “Oh, the table? It’s alright.” she then says “No, no, I’m talking about this!” as she points to her wrist, at an Apple Watch, I asked her “did Dad give it to you?” she answers “Oh, no! I just thought that, since it was with me already, there’s no problem! I just borrowed it.” I kind of give an awkward laugh and say something along the lines of “that’s cool” and scurried off to my room.
Today, she came to me asking for a $400 MacBook (she already owns a laptop and a desktop pcs) as I was leaving for work again, I didn’t flat out DENY her but wasn’t stoked about the idea either m (and I think she noticed), the thing that pissed me off the most is that I REALLY like medieval stuff and i was saving up to buy a dull arming sword, but she is adamant about me not getting it because I “don’t need it”, well, SHE doesn’t NEED a MacBook either!
TL:DR Mom took $100 from me unannounced, doesn’t want to let me spend my hard earned money the way I want because i “don’t need it” and wants me to buy her a $400 laptop she doesn’t need. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 16,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
5x6ODxbZ3dCmmxTG5PTBdMAKobuia9wy | ax0iwq | {
"description": "not acknowledging my cousin's pronoun preference for my child",
"pronormative_score": 127,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for not acknowledging my cousin's pronoun preference for my child | Hi everyone, so my wife and I just had a baby, who is a girl. We have given her a female name and occasionally dress her in pink clothes or a bow, but otherwise have been raising her with very little gendered anything. I'm not going to give her exact age but she's young enough that she has zero concept of gender whatsoever.
Everyone in our family is very excited, including my cousin. (All adults in this story are 30-40 years old.) My cousin, who we’ll call Alex, is always someone I’ve gotten along well with and is one of my favorite family members. Alex has gone through years of exploration and trauma regarding their gender identity and currently identifies as gender non-conforming and uses female pronouns.
We have gotten along with her really well through the whole pregnancy except for the fact that she refuse to use she/her/hers pronouns for the baby. We have decided to use female pronouns for the baby because we believe that those are the pronouns that the baby is most likely to identify with as she grows up. Alex firmly believes that children should be allowed to choose their own pronouns when they are old enough to articulate them. My wife and I strongly feel that if our child doesn’t identify with her pronouns that we will fully support her by using whichever pronouns she wants. We also fully intend to let her engage with a full range of toys and experiences throughout her childhood that aren’t defined by being “girl” activities.
When we are in conversation and refer to the baby with female pronouns, Alex will respond using they pronouns. It is uncomfortable and also seems to be implying that the way we are raising our child is abusive or unacceptable. At best it seems passive aggressive.
I want to ask her to stop but I want to be sensitive to her trauma around gender issues? Am I the asshole? And if I am not the asshole, is there anything I can do to respect their experience while still using female pronouns for my child? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 105,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 22,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 127,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
FQTqpmecNCBkJvEmPTkQb8B4nQTVaC5v | b2xp2e | {
"description": "ditching a dinner date for the second time with a friend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for ditching a dinner date for the second time with a friend? | So a little bit of brief background to the circumstances around my current situation. Two years ago my husband and I moved to a new city for him to start his surgical residency program. I have seen firsthand how grueling and demanding of a schedule the residents have as I see it every day. I hardly see my husband half the time and we live in the same house. There's one female resident in his "class" so we have been hanging out and doing stuff together. Over the course of the 2 years I've known this girl \~50% of the time when we've made plans she's either been late (showing up to the restaurant 30 mins after we planned to be there, I show up at her house for a movie night and she's not there yet) or I don't even hear from her until an hour or so after our planned meeting. It's annoying, as I'm someone who likes to be on time/have a planned schedule, but as I said before I really do get it and try to be understanding.
So to the event in question. We had made plans to try out a new restaurant about 2 weeks ago. I had a terrible week at work; I was going to be out of town for a few days and had nothing ready. Thursday morning I texted my friend and explained that I really needed to be able to pack and get stuff ready on Friday and asked if we could reschedule. She was totally cool about it and said we'd try another time. We rescheduled for last night. I have Mondays off so I spent the day doing my various day-off chores and was super excited about dinner. I even made sure to eat a really light lunch in "preparation". We planned to meet at 6:30pm. I texted her at 4pm to ask if she was still good to go… Two hours later I still hadn't heard anything. My husband was getting ready to head home and asked what was going on. I told him I still hadn't heard anything, and he laughed and said she probably overslept (she was on 24-hr call Sunday). He gets home at 6:30pm and at this point I'm hungry and over all of it. I know that even if she texts me right then it'll take her an hour to get ready and go to dinner. I decided to just give up on those plans and we go grab something quick to eat. Just before 7pm my friend calls me. She says she fell asleep and just now woke up. I asked if she wanted to try again for later this week, and she paused and asked if it was too late for tonight. I just said yes and anytime later this week would be fine. We have plans to try again Thursday.
I know she's exhausted and has a lot on her plate, but my husband is in the same program and if we make plans to do something he sets an alarm and makes sure he's awake. I keep going back and forth between feeling like I did the right thing to decide to blow off dinner last night, to feeling guilty that I canceled on someone for the 2nd time. It's been bothering me since last night... AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
LiU9u1YDYYiJue4YgPtCrmAjvIpyPbUT | b3tb7k | {
"description": "making a scene at Macdoanls",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for making a scene at Macdoanls? | So I order 2 mac chickens sandwiches (not meals) and asked for them to go, when my order finished they called my number and I took the bag, I checked the bag and there was only one. I went back to cashier and there was a long line, so I skip the line and I wait for her to finish the next person and I jump in to say my order is missing and they says go back in the queue. I look at the other customers and they're like meh whacha you gona do? so I ask again and she ignores me. I walked right to the kitchen (because I see my other sandwich) and other employees were asking me you're not allowed in here and I explained what happend and they made me pick it up myself. I left the store and realized I needed some tissues from the counter with the ketchup and soda maker, I went back and the girl working was getting the talk by some manger or something I felt bad and left. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
abMuvFZ5vmVq6GtowmRZ3oBLoKp8KwS0 | akca1z | {
"description": "asking so reasoning behind giving money to homeless people",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking SO reasoning behind giving money to homeless people? | Ok so hear me out, I kind of know this is asshole-ish. So I very rarely give money to homeless people, maybe quarters when I have it. My SO on the other hand always gives money to every homeless person. I love how kind and generous he is as a person, but we both earn <20K per year, and between bills do not have too much discretionary income left. He has had particularly bad financial struggles recently due to an untoward circumstance at work by his boss, and I occasionally help out by giving some money to him. Recently, when he gave money to a homeless person after being in very tenuous financial circumstances himself, I asked him about his reasoning, because I basically wanted to ensure that he wasn't setting himself on fire to keep others warm. He said that the money he gives could make a huge difference to their lives. I know it is his money, and I would never tell him what he can and can't do with it. But AITA for asking to make sure he was taking care of himself? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
k128pt1pm0tj2ReQsJuvCSOSoWU79VCO | a7d0jx | {
"description": "defending someone",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for defending someone | So last night my friend was being extremely rude to me and my boyfriend saying that my boyfriend hated him. My boyfriend got upset and left the group chat. I then tell my friend "hey that was kinda shitty if you meant that. He's upset so please apologize for saying that." My friend refuses to apologize or even act like he cares. I tell him that it annoys me that he'd treat my boyfriend like that. My friend proceeded to block me and start talking behind my back to my boyfriend. I was just trying to protect my boyfriend because he has a history of mental health issues and I didn't want him to relapse again. Now my friend is fussing at me saying that I hurt everyone and it's my fault that my boyfriend was depressed.
Tl;dr: told friend to apologize to boyfriend for making him upset, friend refuses and starts talking crap about me to boyfriend and is insulting me | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
VXii1RPcBV7b1wOVRdEkjPrfITxkBqaZ | b52x9g | {
"description": "leaving my friend at a bath house",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for leaving my friend at a bath house | my friend and i were partying and went to a bath house. i did not know what it exactly entailed. i didn't know it was a place for gay men. i quickly realized it wasn't my thing and left. i totally respect my friends choices but it wasn't for me. he's pissed because i ditched him. do i owe him an apology? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
e5kLX68dAbz3T4HLgrhUtdmwScN6Llof | awc1ky | {
"description": "making my friend leave our hotel room for the night",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for making my friend leave our hotel room for the night? | Me and 2 friends are sharing one room (which is basically 2 beds for the three of us) during our short holidays. One of said friends enjoys hooking up with people through online dating apps, and while this doesn’t bother me (I even use those apps myself from time to time) it really irked me today.
He’s been implying / joking all day that he plans to hook up with random people during our stay here. I had no problem with this, until late in the night (1am, we’re tired as hell and about to sleep) he suddenly declares that he’s bringing some random guy to the room and if we didn’t mind if they hooked up in the bed or in the bathroom (which is right next to my side of the bed).
I made it clear that I wasn’t comfortable with this, that I didn’t like the thought of him and a stranger (who we really don’t know anything about) getting sexually involved so close to me. It’s not jealousy or anything like that- I’m just not comfortable with it happening while I’m in the same room.
I offered to leave and go somewhere else while they did the deed, even considered booking another room. He said no, that I should be able to stay here, so the only choice left was for him to leave and hook up somewhere else near our hotel. He left begrudgingly, and my other friend said that I was exaggerating, that I was being too serious about the situation, and that I should lighten up / relax about this stranger coming to our room. However I’m just not comfortable and I can’t change that.
So.. reddit, am I the asshole here? :/ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
brfbQQ0xyUCi7Fi8uVQttnfdAbNGsa30 | aqooqv | {
"description": "getting angry at a girl",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for getting angry at a girl? | Today I was playing League of Legends with some friends and this girl that I have recently met was dying *a lot*.
She got very angry and started spewing hate, which was destroying the team's morale and making me extremely angry as well, although I was trying to only say things that were useful to the game.
After approx. 20 minutes I snapped and called her out, but now I was *pissed*. In a very angry tone, I said "my god, shut the fuck up and focus on the game! You're making me lose my concentration and making everyone feel like shit! We'll lose this game solely because of you.". I immediately thought that I was too rude.
We played the rest of the game and lost. When she left the discord call, she started sending some very demeaning messages about me to another friend of mine, which contained things like "holy shit this dude is so full of himself", "that's why I hate men" and lots of curses.
After that, I felt and still am feeling very guilty.
So, Reddit, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
BVkgmVQbEPoJx9ytWpIazHEyMo9bWYbr | aoisv3 | {
"description": "getting mad at my mom for having a fuck buddy",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for getting mad at my mom for having a fuck buddy? | Context: my dad died a year ago from drinking, his liver shit out on him and had too many other problems to get a transplant. My mom has a serious drinking issue. Not that she drinks too much, but any small amount can get her fucked up. I believe this is a result of one of her meds. My mom is also 56.
Anyway, we recently moved, and ever since then, shes been on every dating site talking to random dudes 24/7. In the past 6 months, shes probably gone on over 20 something dates, and shes likely banged 3 of those people.
She recently met this one guy that I cannot fucking stand.
Info on the guy: has a house in Maryland (we live in PA) with a boat. Has three DUIs (no more license) and lives with his mom in PA during the winter I guess. He smokes and drinks way too fucking much. He was a marine, but got kicked out or whatever for getting shot or something. We can call him Jim.
So my mom meets this guy on plenty of fish. She ends up going down to this random fucking strangers house 2 hours away, for the weekend. I did not agree with this at all, but she didn't seem to give a fuck. The name she has this dudes name in her phone as "jim boat", and does not shut up about how he has a boat.
A couple weeks my mom invites this dude to our house one weekend, and they proceed to have loud fucking sex like I'm not even in the fucking house. After the dude leaves, my mom says hes not coming back, but she was full of shit because he came back new years eve. Meanwhile I went out with my friends. When I came back at one am, my mom was drunk off her ass bitching and whining about how the dude needed to leave and how I needed to call the cops because he wouldnt. Long story short, the dude leaves and my mom goes to bed. One other time, jim comes over at like 2am on a fucking weeknight and starts having loud sex with my mom. Keeping me up till 4am when I have work in the morning.
And to top it all off, I got back from babysitting last night at 12:30, and Jim is sleeping on the couch, bare fucking nude.
I brought up my concerns with my mom but she doesnt listen, and says that her 18 year old son shouldn't be telling her how to live. I cant even come up with a good reason to be angry right now. AITA for being angry at my mom? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
AcMcU8UqszKQcUFDICyo3AFQ2nKroIkS | asa8i3 | {
"description": "getting Upset Over Dietary Pills",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA For Getting Upset Over Dietary Pills? | Background: My girlfriend of 2.5 years recently found out that she has a sensitivity to lactose. It's to the point where she can get too sick to fully function the day after a lactose-heavy meal.
At first, she used to be really diligent about eating her lactose-relief pills before eating. For the past few weeks, she hasn't been using her pills at all, despite eating very lactose-heavy meals. To help her, I've even started keeping a package of them with me if we were out and she forgot hers. This has become more of a waste of space than anything. I've been letting her know for weeks that she needs to be using her pills if she's consuming all the dairy that she does, but she always claims that they taste bad. I've told her on multiple occasions that I don't like seeing her sick all the time. Cue a few weeks of her constantly feeling unwell, and now she's completely sick (not going to school). She once again had lunch yesterday without her lactose (pizza if you all cared) and I got upset with her when she told me. I told her that I will no longer support her decision to ignore her lactose pills, as I feel as though I'm partially to blame for not holding her accountable before things got to this point. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
cbm0mMf7RxLrL2cVBOMuO1yjxlWlROU5 | b8fjhh | {
"description": "not wanting boyfriend to support a misogynist and horrible person",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 24
} | AITA for not wanting boyfriend to support a misogynist and horrible person? | Hey all, this is my first post and I'll try to keep this as short as possible
&#x200B;
I (21f) met my boyfriend (23m) 3 months ago. He's a really awesome and sweet guy. And he's heavily into music . Like really, really heavy into music.
He has a lot of CDs and Vinyls. We were hanging out at his place and he was showing me his Vinyl collection. He said his favorite artist is Eminem, and I was a bit shocked and surprised. I gave him the "wtf dude" look and I kinda spazzed on him.
&#x200B;
I told him he sucks for that and for giving money to a woman hater who has some horrible, horrible lyrics in regards to women. I honestly can't STAND Eminem because of this shit he's done. I told him he needs to get rid of the vinyls. He then said Eminem helped him through a lot of stuff when he was younger and that he respects him a lot and he wouldn't be where he is without Eminem.
&#x200B;
I got even more shocked and just got up and left. This happened 2 days ago and I haven't responded to his texts and he says i'm being unreasonable and that they are just songs and nothing more. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 23,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 24
} | WRONG |
iQKYPPz1OUL8fKfK1S34wEPizYiaFVaU | b9gwdv | {
"description": "ending a friendship whilst on holiday with them",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for ending a friendship whilst on holiday with them? |
This was last year, and all fake names. Done my best to present the whole truth, except the fake names.
I broke up with my gf 2 months before exam period, and whilst she was angry at first, we were doing well fixing our friendship by the time exams rolled around. The day I finished my last school exam, my best friend (Fred) told me that my ex-gf (Maria) and he were together now. At this point, I didn’t really know how I felt, so I told them it was great and they deserve happiness. I got home, and then found I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t play guitar, watch tv, write or draw, anything, because I couldn’t get them out of my head. I confessed this to Fred, and he still wanted us to try to be friends, especially as we had holiday plans, so I committed to trying to make it work, especially as they both meant a lot to me.
A week later, Fred, myself, and another friend (Andy) went interrailing across Europe for 3 weeks . It was mostly fine, I was on good terms with Maria and Fred as individuals, but seeing them interact was getting harder. At the 2½ week mark, I started experiencing this dropping feeling lying down in bed, like I was on a rollercoaster but completely still. I later found out this was related to anxiety and stress. This really freaked me out and I started talking to Maria, saying I was having all these problems and I didn’t think I could be friends with Fred. I eventually calmed down and went to sleep.
The next day, Fred and Andy kept asking if something was wrong, and I brushed them off. Then later Fred asked me if I still wanted to be his friend, and I knew what had happened. I asked Maria if she had told Fred about last night and she said yes. I replied with a flurry of angry messages and then asked for space so I could deal with F+A. Both F+A were relentlessly interrogating me, asking if it was true and if so, why. I told them to drop it, knowing that it would wreck this holiday and make the last 4½ days even more hellish. We went out to dinner, walked there talking about normal topics, and as soon as ordered, they started questioning me again. I couldn’t handle it anymore, so I told them it hurt too much seeing with F+M together and I wasn't able to emotionally heal with him around, so I needed to stop being his friend. This led to them both criticizing me, saying I was giving up our friendship for nothing and this was all my fault as I had given them my blessing. I was so shocked by F+A blaming me, and lack of sympathy for what was very hard for me. I gave them money for my meal and left. Once I got back, I messaged Maria, saying this is why I didn’t want her to tell Fred. She then accused me of being childish and a terrible friend to all of us and that she didn’t want to speak to me. This was also the last time we ever spoke.
The last few days were extremely tough, including me storming off in Milan alone and also trying to catch an early flight back home. It was bad for me, but I still feel guilty, AITA here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
N5ejjVhNs8Gmkt4CkrMDUYuf0P3HcSay | aj84wy | {
"description": "wanting to spend time with my best friend alone",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for wanting to spend time with my best friend alone? |
My best friend from high school is coming into town where I live. He lives an airplane ride away (within the US) and I have been trying to convince him to come visit for years. We haven't seen each other in 4 years and still talk occasionally (2-3 times per year tops). He recently started dating a girl who also lives in my city, and he is flying down this weekend to see her and stay with her. He also reached out to me telling he was going to visit, so we decided to meet up at some point.
We were best friends for junior and senior year of high school (only ever platonic friends, never even so much as kissed or anything) and still throughout the first year or two of college. We naturally grew more apart, but again, occasionally kept in touch. I know very little about what's going on his life nowadays and want some time alone with my old friend to catch up. His girlfriend is uncomfortable with the fact that I want to spend time with him and that I didn't invite her to brunch. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
m7fDK87sj1HO3r3MexGw7oaZ2pbrvmYi | b5zhnt | {
"description": "removing my late grandmother's jewelry box from my bedroom",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I removed my late grandmother’s jewelry box from my bedroom? | I received this jewelry box in late 2015/early 2016, when my parents split up and I had to make a room at my dad’s house. He had moved into his late father’s house and there were a lot of my grandparents belongings there. One day I came home from school and my dad told me to look in my room for a surprise. On my dresser was this jewelry box. It used to belong to my grandmother, my dad’s mom, who died before I was born, but whom I’ve heard was a wonderful woman.
It is, unfortunately, not the most... beautiful jewelry box. It’s HUGE, maybe a foot tall and six inches wide. It’s shaped like an armoire, with a curved top and this kind of murky brown pine colored wood. With poorly done stained “glass” (plastic) that’s just painted to look like stained glass. It’s also pretty non-functional too, with weird shallow drawers and a big, tall empty space that I couldn’t really use anything for, but as a teenaged girl at my dad’s house I took what I could get. (Girls living with their fathers part time can probably understand this). So I used it throughout high school, and then left it there when I moved to college.
Since then, my family has moved around a bunch and I’ve upgraded my home room to something a lot better. I’ve been living away from home at school for most of the year for a few years, so I’ve accumulated a lot of my own things to furnish/decorate my own apartment. A couple of those things happen to be a very beautiful hand carved wooden box that a friend of mine gifted me that I use as a jewelry box, a smaller ring box as a gift from my cousin, and a really gorgeous larger jewelry box that I got as a Christmas gift from one of my best friends.
Now that I’m about to move back home, I want to make my room feel “mine,” and want to bring back all of the things that have sentimental value to me in my room now, and display them in my room there. These three jewelry boxes are so beautiful and very sentimental to me, and they have served me well here, and I want to bring them home.
My grandmother’s jewelry box is not very useful to me, and isn’t really beautiful to look at either. And I know it means a lot to my father but, to be blunt, I’ve never met her. I don’t know her at all, so I don’t have a huge attachment to the box. I don’t want to throw it away or sell it, though. So I was starting to consider moving it from my dresser at home and putting it in storage, and replacing it with my other jewelry boxes. But I’ve started to feel badly about doing this, because it is my late grandmothers and my dad would probably be upset if he noticed it was no longer in my room.
I think it may serve a better purpose when I move into my own place, maybe as a decorative piece in a guest room or something, but right now I’d like to have other things in my space.
So, WIBTA if I stored my late grandmother’s jewelry box and put other sentimental items in its place? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
iQcjetqE7wvshd2cEfDZ6vjr14PEpbpP | aziemz | {
"description": "having my bf over while house sitting",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for having my bf over while house sitting? | I was house sitting for a friend since Friday. I had my bf over on Saturday and didn’t think twice about it. I never discussed it with my friend who I was house sitting. I never thought it would be an issue. When my friend came back I mentioned that my bf really liked this coffee table she has. She acted a little weird and I pressed her what was wrong. She said she didn’t appreciate that I invited someone over to her house without asking her first. He’s not a stranger, he’s my bf. I really didn’t expect her to care. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
EHQMza5PT2rla5RaucGx2Ww7g5dfweq5 | b9g9jv | {
"description": "taking credit in a partner project I did on my own",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for taking credit in a partner project I did on my own? | So my best friend got sick right after we were assigned a project to do together, and we had a week worth of time to do it.
She was out of school for all that time, and I did my best. So the presentation rolls around and she comes back to school.
She told me to say she provided me with the info for the project. Of course, she's by bff so why should I say no? But it felt wrong, since I actually put in a lot of effort. I ended up declining.
Then she told me to not present all of it, which would affect the grade, just because it would make her look bad.
I am strict about keeping my grades above avarage. So I presented the whole thing. Now she's mad at me. AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
O20OVzcUixEx9ykkmnEjk1L9xcexeown | arse7g | {
"description": "not dating single dads",
"pronormative_score": 245,
"contranormative_score": 13
} | AITA for not dating single dads? | Hi everyone. I'm using a throw away account for obvious reasons and am typing this on mobile so please forgive any spelling errors, spellcheck has it out for me.
I recently left a long term relationship and am out on the dating scene again. I've been using dating apps and online dating sites since I find I usually have better luck talking to people also interested in dating. Like everyone else, I put what is important to me in my bio. One of my few deal breakers is kids, I dont want any and I dont want to date someone who had them or wants them. There are many reasons for this, but it really boils down to incompatibility. Wanting children vs not puts us on very different paths in life. I hold to this rule no matter what, if a guy has a kid in his bio I pass, if i find out he has them/wants them after talking I walk away. I'm in my mid twenties and am looking for a guy around my age which means some guys will already have kids so I keep this in my bio to preemptively weed them out.
This doesn't stop guys from lying or matching with me just to complain about how I am selfish, rude, too dumb to know what I want, am missing out on the greatest joy in life, etc. I can deal with internet trolls and usually just brush it off.
Recently, however, a friend of mine set me up with a single friend of hers from college. He seemed nice and I trusted her judgement that he was great and we shared lots of mutual interests. We went on a first date and things were really great. He was funny and sweet and liked the same sports teams. I was really interested in him and had a great time.
On our second date I decided to test the waters and asked "where do you see yourself in 5 years?" Which is my go to question for probing their interest in a family. Most people who see families in their future bring it up when talking about the future. His response was fine, he wanted a promotion, to move to a new city and settle down. I was a bit disappointed that he wanted a family but didnt react since I didnt want to ruin the date. We kept talking about our city and why he wanted to leave and he said to be further from his ex. Turns out he has a young son from a previous relationship and was having trouble co parenting so he wanted to move away. Super big deal breaker for me. His attitude at that point was terrible, really just venting about his parenting woes, and he could tell I wasnt interested anymore. The date wrapped up and we went our separate ways. He asked about a third date and I told him I didnt know what my schedule was like. I wanted to let him down easier the next day than right after I found out.
Later that night he started texting me asking what he did wrong. I was honest and told him that kids were a deal breaker for me which is when he went off. I got a whole string of abusive texts about how I was bigoted and didnt know how hard it was being a single parent. That I am a bitch for not dating single dads and that no one would want me if i wouldn't give them children or raise their existing kids. I usually dont let this kind of thing affect me but this particular bad date hurts worse since he actually got to know me and before he had a kid he seemed like a great guy.
I got a text from him today apologizing and talking about how he was just frustrated since he gets turned down a lot. He wants me to give him another chance and claims that his kid won't have any impact on our dating which I dont believe to be true.
So am I really the asshole for refusing to date an otherwise good guy because he has a kid? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 245,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 245,
"WRONG": 13
} | RIGHT |
s6KEYQlirhXPxrk3uTGICUnMVLVrIEoj | 9ugish | {
"description": "not letting my cat die soon and yelling at my mom",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for not letting my cat die soon and yelling at my mom? | Lemme give you a short backstory; My brother found a cat and our parents let us keep her. Well, she was pregnant when we found her and gave birth to 4 healthy kittens. Our parents wouldn't let us keep all of them but we begged, they gave in but made us compromise that we can only keep two. one for me and one for my brother while the mom will be the 'family cat'. We agreed and picked our own. My cat and i bonded well, he would come to me when I call his name but if someone else called his name, he wouldn't go to them. there has been countless nights where he would sleep beside me and never get in my way. Sometimes i would open the window (my bedroom's on 2nd story) and he would be there waiting to get in so he can sleep with me.
When I went to college, my parents would always tell em how he always look for me atleast once or twice a week.
After I graduated, he was too old to relocate so I thought it was best for him to stay there because he sent his entire life there and he was starting to get old as well.
I always visit home for the holidays and he would greet me.
This year has been his bad year, the old age had finally got to him to the point he's limping, blind in one eye, and peeing in the kitchen. It was his time to be put to sleep soon and I agreed and made plans to be there for him when they put him to sleep.
My mom just texted me and informed me that they want to put my cat to sleep before i get there because he started to pee in the kitchen almost regularly.
I tried to reason with her (just two more weeks) but she wouldn't listen so I blew up at her about how unfair it was because she didn't keep her promise of waiting for me to get there and how thoughtless she was.
I just thought back of last Christmas when he already had arthritis and he still limped upstairs just so he could sleep with me, the thought of it already made me teared up because he went through al of that just to be by my side and I couldn't be by his for his last moment.
I know my parents is getting the brunt of caring for him and having to clean up his mess but I just wanted to be there.
Sorry for a long post so reddit, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
uh4N2CP099jB4QlsJtHIUEJWHy9XlbWe | b0s1o0 | {
"description": "putting my purse on the Bus/Train seat next to me",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for putting my purse on the Bus/Train seat next to me? | I'll put it on my lap if a large group of people get on or if people are walking past. And Ill never keep it on the seat if anyone is standing.
Light hearted AITA i know. Seemed we had a lot of heavy stuff lately. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
19frbykQh8rqhuJ5aQf1DFkqWExAsFCD | 9yf5ah | {
"description": "breaking up with her over text",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA: For breaking up with her over text? | So I've been dating this girl for a little while now, at the start everything was going amazing, we had so much in common. However, lately, she hasn't been responsive to any form of communication, and seemingly avoiding seeing eachother. The thing is, I want to end it face to face, but I can't seem to get a response to organising a time or place to do it. Would I be the asshole for sending her a message saying that it's over? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ArhpVFjh1W689fwEHz3KPJ36tDO6LPKW | b1ev1c | {
"description": "disliking my birthday gift from my best friend",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for disliking my birthday gift from my best friend? | A few months ago, my friend bought this video game that he apparently LOVED. In the weeks leading up to my birthday, he said that he loved the game so much that he was planning to buy a copy of the game for me so he'll have sometime to play with.
I was open to it, but I know my friend--he's the king of empty birthday promises. We don't exchange gifts regularly; I've gotten him Christmas gifts sporadically over the years and he's gotten me...well, nothing, really. I'm not a very materialistic person, anyway--I'd rather just hang out with my friends than have them buy me things.
My birthday came and went. No game. Honestly, I had forgotten about it until we were all celebrating HIS birthday at his place months later and he finally produced the game he promised me.
Turns out, he had bought a game that had been released in Japan but had not yet been released in the US. THIS is when he offered to buy a copy for me. But instead, when the game released in the US, he bought himself a localized version of the same game.
My gift was his used Japanese version of the game.
I cannot read or speak Japanese and he knows this. He recommended using Google Translate to play. I hate to seem ungrateful. But in my opinion, this isn't a gift. This is recycling. He didn't buy this FOR me like he previously said. He gave me something he no longer wanted because he bought himself a version more relevant to him.
Needless to say, I never played it. To me, having to translate a game while I play it sounds tedious. I'm a pretty busy person as it is, so I barely have time to play the games I DO enjoy. I'm not upset. He's still one of my closest friends. But recently, he asked me if I ever played his game. I tried to lie and say that I had, but it was pretty clear that I hadn't. I think that upset him a little bit.
Am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
HF91DhULwPz9Mz3nTBNtbp7irpffIG7n | atzily | {
"description": "not being able to go to my grandmas funeral",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not being able to go to my grandmas funeral? | At the start of February, my fathers mother, who we will call Joan, was 80 years old. She was horribly sick and My father forced me to go to her house to see her on the bed while she was on oxygen with my brother.
Through out my 16 (17 in 6 days) years of living on this planet, I’ve never met this women since the first thing I can remember. So I was just so weirded out going over there. I said hi blah blah, and apparently the only time she was in my life was when i was born and that’s that.
Joan basically left my father to raise me and my brother by himself and my mother. So i never grew any attachment to Joan.
In the end, it was inevitable, on February 14th, Valentine’s Day Joan passed away. I was spending time with my girlfriend, rushing to buy her gifts cause I couldn’t go to the bank to get money out of my account since Sunday. My father called me to come home because of her death, and I told him i can’t as I’m riding my bike to rush to get all the gifts for my girlfriend, but that I’ll be back in 15 minutes. So instead of running to Walgreens, Walmart, dollar store, and 7-11, I go to Walgreens and 7-11 so i can get home faster. So i didn’t get all the gifts i wanted to get my girlfriend but i still wanted to help my dad as I know it’ll be harder on him than me.
A couple days later he tells me about the funeral, and how it’ll be on February 23. Now I told him that i didn’t want to go and that I couldn’t either way because of a test Monday, but he said I’m forced to go. He then says that I want to see him suffer because I don’t want to see my grandmother, the woman that i never knew in my life. Now my brother, who’s in college for Nursing, has a test as well, and he had a work on the day of the funeral, but he had enough time to call off. He uses his excuses that he usually says, saying he has school and work and all that, which what he really does is play games.
So I’m supposedly “lying” about my work because I want to see my dad suffer and I don’t care about family.
The funny part is my dad, who uses Facebook for his political views and rants, talked shit about me on Facebook, saying how much of an asshole son i am, and how much I am a disgusting disappointment I am. Now this isn’t the first time he posted something on Facebook where he talks shit about someone, as i might post to r/JUSTNOFAMILY of the story where my dad decides to call my aunt a “libtard” for kicking him out of her house on my cousins birthday for calling my cousins friends the N-word.
So In the end I’m forced to go.
TL;DR
I can’t study for test, forced to go to funeral, dad talks shit about me on Facebook, and I’m probably going to fail a test. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
EmVLwVMoeHh3oikmlT8DImsXBL47vXLt | ba7p6e | {
"description": "not letting someone go with me and my friends to see Avengers Endgame",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not letting someone go with me and my friends to see Avengers Endgame? | So theres this guy who we'll call Seth and he has always been really physical (its not sexual lol. Just shaking people and getting in people's personal space constantly) in every situation with everyone and people make sure to tell him to stop but he never does. Hes generally a okay person but along with the constant loudness, breaking of personal space boundaries, and being too "extra"(overreacts to everything) i decided to kindly tell him that he couldnt go with me and my friends to the movies after he asked by explaining that it would be awkward because we all dont really talk to him that much after highschool ended (1 year ago). He then said okay and uploaded a 3 minute story about the whole situation on snapchat and tagged me and my friend. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
rJ0bR0Pevotq7ulwFcjXogioy2niuXae | a4pfy5 | {
"description": "cancelling plans",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for cancelling plans | I'm at university and I have a friend group of about 15 people in a large iMessage chat. In light of finals, one of them, let's call him Mike, suggested we go to a Mexican restaurant on Saturday night to cool off. Saturday morning, he puts in the chat, "like this message if you're coming to dinner". I like the message around noon when I woke up and realized around 2 that I couldn't go with the amount of studying I have to do (I also just felt shitty and was taking a mental health day). I remove my like from the message, which my roommate sees as a notification (i.e. "Engispoon unliked the message "...""). She also decides not to go and also unlikes the message.
5 minutes before everyone is leaving, someone asks where everyone is, to which my roommate replies "Engispoon and I aren't coming, don't wait up". A few of them get very mad, going off about how inconsiderate it is, considering that Mike made reservations for a group of 10. However, this is the first we've heard about reservations having been made, as we have a tendency of rolling up with a large group and not really caring if we have to wait. I reach out and try apologizing directly to Mike, explaining that I thought the notification was enough and I wasn't previously aware reservations were made, but am given the cold shoulder and he is still very upset, openly admitting to being extremely hostile.
My roommate offered up dinner plans for tonight and is met with no response (very unusual) except Mike who says "sure" then "actually, no" a minute later. It's clear everyone is still divided and they are not trying to forgive us.
AITA or are they just being immature at this point? There was obviously a communication error on both ends and I tried apologizing but it hasn't seemed to work.
TL;DR: We made dinner plans which included reservations which I didn't know about. Thought a notification for cancelling was enough but the organizer is still mad. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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"RIGHT": 7,
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cX3h07V5y2DafGqBr9Nt22ojOLVuSG4N | arxv18 | null | AITA if my preference is to not date people outside of my own race? | Throwaway for obvious reasons.
Been seeing a few posts here and there about personal preferences in terms of dating. A girl was concerned about putting "only tall guys" on her dating profile, and another girl didn't wanna date guys with kids. Etc etc.
I am a 24F. One of my personal preferences is to only date men in my own race. I'm caucasian. So... is this wrong of me? Nothing in my upbringing suggests I am not "allowed" to date outside my own race. It's simply just my choice.
I have a relatively multicultural group of friends... some African American, some Asian, Latinos, Native American, and Middle Eastern. I enjoy my friends and love our friendships.
I eventually realized that I was only dating white guys, which prompted me to think, "Huh, guess I've never been into a black guy/Asian guy/Egyptian guy/whatever. Interesting." And I chalked it up to just my preference.
If I've never felt butterflies in my stomach towards men outside of my own race, never felt that alluring pull to them, etc etc, all the fun stuff that goes with dating... would people judge me to be TA and/or racist?
In my opinion, it's the same as not wanting to date a single parent, a person whose religious beliefs don't align with yours, "only tall guys", or even people who are heavily overweight. All personal preferences.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 9,
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b5g9hpOzqbcOiNDv5U5AuM7vR7iluXfo | amp3wc | {
"description": "wanting my commission piece finished",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting my commission piece finished? | Okay, first time ever making a post so I apologize in advance for any errors.
Basically, my close friend had financial difficulties and opened commissions to help her get by. I'm also struggling with money but I had a bit saved, so I asked for a slot and paid up front. It was only about £15 when converted, which was do-able for me, and good value for the work she does.
I paid for this in April of last year, and she still hasn't done it.
The asshole part comes in when I tried to chase her up about it, because she reopened commissions again without ever finishing mine. I messaged to ask if she was going to finish mine, and she said she lost a lot of files in a computer error, and that university had basically taken control of her life. She says she still has the reference pictures on her laptop, so I have no idea if it did get lost in the error or if she never started it.
She seemed upset and annoyed in these messages.
I said I understood, quickly reminded her what I wanted, and implied I wanted it finished before changing the subject because I hate confrontation. This was in November.
Am I the asshole for wanting to remind her again to finish my commission? I'm not usually the type to care but her re-opening commissions whilst mine has been abandoned for nearly a year has pissed me off a little. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
oKdABby7BvwOeyIQCctEgTrlfH7fIvvZ | a3die1 | {
"description": "criticizing my girlfriend's excessive Instagram browsing when I myself browse Reddit the same amount",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 20
} | AITA for criticizing my girlfriend’s excessive Instagram browsing when I myself browse Reddit the same amount? | In my opinion, Instagram is more hazardous to mental health, and there is considerably more opportunity for learning on Reddit. I wouldn’t call either of us obsessed with our respective platforms, but I can’t help but wish she’d spend more of her internet time elsewhere. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 19,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 20
} | WRONG |
fTaB1ophP7X8xG8nMOAgydrE5dC8hRXx | a7uk76 | {
"description": "not wanting to join my family on Christmas",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For not wanting to join my family on Christmas | Long time lurker, first time poster so the formatting may be all over the place.
Context: I'm 22 and recently moved out of home. This is the first year I've expressed interest to my family that I may not be joining them on Christmas. They initially planned on celebrating across the country so I made my peace that I would be spending it alone. Plans changed and they are celebrating it 3 hours south of where I live and work (I will only have 25th and 26th off work, which isn't a huge problem just long hours driving to back home).
Up until recently I had planned to surprise my family and join them on Christmas Day, as a sort of present for my mum. However recently I was verbally abused and almost got into a fight with my Step-Dad (will call him SD), and now I don't feel comfortable going.
SD was in a pickle one night, had way too much to drink and needed help getting home, of course I offered to Uber to where SD was and drive him and his truck home as he didnt want to leave it there overnight (thousands of $ worth of building materials on the truck bed). Our agreement was clear over the phone, and until I arrived I was under the impression he was ready to leave. 3 more rounds later (none of which I joined in) I was hearing the same abuse I've copped from SD for 5 years, along with little niggle punches and hair pulls. I know how to cope with this stuff because of how often it happened when I lived at home, but we were at a bar with his mates who could hear the whole thing. I kept suggesting that we leave as I had other plans that night but he was relentless and kept chewing my ear off.
Almost 2 hours had passed when I finally snapped, he'd just introduced me to someone he knew there and was yanking my hair up and out of reaction I went to jab him back (my big mistake). SD's a good fighter and knows where to punch when he needs to, apparently I punched him in the solar plexus and instantly I copped one back in the same spot. He then flipped his shit at me and told me to "F*** off" to which I did and left him to figure it out himself (pretty sure he just drove home...)
Since then, he has told me that I will have to be the one to resolve what happened that night, I disrespected him and that if I didn't, I would not be welcome at Christmas.
I've been talking to my mum about it, and shes telling me that I will be ruining Christmas if I don't come, and trying to guilt me by telling me that it may be my grandmas last one (she has Alzheimer disease).
AITA for not wanting to come to Christmas because of him? | HISTORICAL | {
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sJVgVN1Ujke53diYGnJa0LwilceBahb7 | b9iwrx | {
"description": "ending a 10-year friendship",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA If I Ended a 10-year Friendship? | This girl and I have been best friends since 7th grade. Went to different colleges, but managed the distance via gaming, voice chats, and occasional visits. She was someone I could see myself being lifelong friends with, until recently.
Her husband and I got off to a terrible start. She moved in with him early on and one day, I was in her area with some relatives. While we were trying to decide where to meet up, this guy who I hadn't even met snatches the phone from her and demands of me "Just get your ass over here". I got mad and told them both how disrespectful I thought that was. We wound up meeting at a restaurant without him, and he apparently liked to read all of her texts, so my opinions were no secret.
Over the next few years, he and I have tried to get along for her sake. But he's never dropped the whole "she hates me" dialogue, and always blamed my opinion of him on that first impression, despite the fact that he's left a bad taste in my mouth the entire time I've known him. Cursing her out in front of our friends, making her cry the day before her wedding over some shoes, not taking her mental illness seriously, and yelling at her for feeling like she might not want to live are just a few examples. Granted, his more extreme outbursts happened when he was under considerable amounts of stress. I still don't condone his actions. He thrives off of shock value, to the point where his sense of humor is just excessively vulgar. He also enjoys ranting, yelling, and sometimes mansplaining things he knows little to nothing about. That being said, I know that I'm very blunt, and there have definitely been times where I could have done a better job of ignoring him and biting my tongue. I tried bringing up my concerns with her before she got married, but she had made up her mind, and I respected her decision.
During the wedding festivities, her family and college friends spent a considerable amount of time trash talking my religion. I said nothing, because I know people are unlikely to change their views on things that they feel warrant so much hate. I'm Christian and she's pagan, but her and I have always been respectful of each other's beliefs.
I love my friend and have nothing against her. But neither my husband nor I can stand to spend time with her husband, who is now a permanent part of the package. The other people in her life are also very different from me, which wouldn't be an issue if they weren't so aggressive about pointing it out.
She invited me to her birthday party later this month, and I really don't want to go. I'm considering just allowing our friendship to fade with time and distance, instead of trying to sustain it. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
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5FbtzQzrXxb526EKNNTCaVj5Z1Rt0dLg | ajxnp9 | {
"description": "putting my honest vent on a classmate I know on a private forum",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for putting my honest vent on a classmate I know on a private forum? | Originally, I put my vents on the r/rant. Due to no response at all, I copied and paste my original rant to a private history forum. I really, really regretted on posting it. Most of the commentators accused me of being my misogynistic sexist even though I have never said anything that degraded the female sex in a way. I honestly would call someone a bitch and a whore and any other profanities to vent out my frustrations regardless of gender. Some users understood what I was going through and offered some advice but most of them have a hive-mind notion of sexist "incel" in the making. The moderators decided to lock the thread and gave me a warning for "using misogynistic language to describe someone who doesn't enjoy your harassment". First of all, I wasn't even harassing her, I offered my condolences to her in the past for my part of offending her by giving her something nice. And it happened only once. And if this is considered "harassment" to them, I don't even want to know what they would consider "respect".
The rant in question: https://old.reddit.com/r/rant/comments/ajll9f/this_putana/ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
4ymewYXyD8eKxtARDKs7b94fqGwAIkSf | am6ux9 | {
"description": "getting upset the my SO takes jokes too far",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for getting upset the my SO takes jokes too far? | My girlfriend hates saying sorry, she believes she does everything for a reason. There is always the “sorry” you throw around but not when she does something wrong. Today as a joke she grabbed my phone to get my attention and be funny, fine. We do the whole chasing my phone thing for 5 minutes and then I ignore it and just try to cuddle with her but she is still in “hiding phone as a joke” mode. She never knows when to stop, I’m trying to hug her and she keeps pushing away thinking I’m going for my phone and this goes on for 15 minutes. She just won’t take the hint, I even blatantly say I don’t want the phone just hug me but she goes out of her way to hide my phone.
She isn’t the “smartest” person I know so I ask her for my phone back because I am worried where she put it( she is very clumsy and she could leave it in a place it could break”
She refuses to let up, and now I’m just worried where it is. She realizes it’s not a joke anymore and shows me she hid it under my shoes that I slide on, somewhere I could literally step on it...
She gets up and says she feels “weird” which she always does and instead of saying sorry she just gets up and leaves.
Am I wrong for being upset? Or am I overreacting? She does this all the time and never sincerely apologizes. I really didn’t care for my phone, I don’t hide from her and she even has my password and all. I have left my phone at her place tons of times unlocked so it’s not a hiding something from her and she knows.
It’s just frustrating when she doesn’t know when enough is enough.
TLDR: AITA for being upset when my gf hid my phone irresponsibly as a “joke”? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
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} | RIGHT |
U0ItQLQv9McSWShA6o5jqiGukgAfbzfV | 9ud0o2 | {
"description": "excluding my coworker from lunch break activities",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for excluding my coworker from lunch break activities? | Our company hired a coworker which is utterly unqualified, lied on their cv and does not grasps even the basic despite somehow possessing a bachelors degree. I utterly despise her for her work ethics since she ties down at least one person to 'support' her during the day. Despite her clear lack of skills / experience she is very egoistic and always tries to put the spotlight on herself.
Her attitude does not affect our professional "working"-relationship but as soon as me and my colleague are on lunch break I try everything to exclude her from anything we do and my colleague shares the same mindset.
For some reason she seems to target only me and my colleague as her potential lunch break "friends".
&#x200B;
Up until now I had to bluntly tell her twice that and why she is not welcome and she started crying and throwing a tantrum afterwards.
AITA for excluding her? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
ZZIl30DieI7URUASR2pYs3kMyLN3ARp9 | 9uyro4 | {
"description": "not wanting to have kids when I think me and my girlfriend are not ready",
"pronormative_score": 26,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting to have kids when I think me and my girlfriend are not ready? | My girlfriend of 2 years has put an ultimatum to me today after dropping major hints this year that she wants a baby; “Get me pregnant or I’m leaving you”.
For context my girlfriend was pregnant last year, but WE decided that we weren’t ready so had an abortion. I was with her for every step of the way but she now uses this against me “I had an abortion for you”.
Financially we are in a hole, she wrote off her car at the beginning of this year and pressurised me into buying a new car because she “didn’t feel safe” driving my old one, which in her defence had broken down on me once before. This left me in a £10K debt.
She is desperately unhappy in her current role but refuses to even try to find a new job, let alone one that provides maternity cover. Honestly I think she lacks the confidence to find a new job because she feels her criminal record (which is now spent so she doesn’t have to mention it) is holding her back.
When she was 18 she was groomed into smuggling drugs from Jamaica back to the UK *for context
Also we have only been together 2 years which I feel isn’t THAT long to consider having a baby right now.
We are 29 and 28.
Happy to answer any additional questions but I am mainly looking for some perspective, she says that I am dictating the decision on her having a child which makes me feel really guilty. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 26,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 26,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
Xl5XTBua9JLD3SjoHWC90Y4RcEvJ1iea | b7vg0f | {
"description": "being upset",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being upset? | When I OFFERED to pay for my boyfriend’s snacks from target for the movies and he said he felt guilty and stole the snacks instead? Like...AITA for being angry about that? Be completely honest, because I just don’t see how you feel guilty when someone OFFERS to pay but don’t feel guilty when you steal?? Like Idk I’m having a hard time rn partially because I’m high too but like. Idk I’m angry at him and don’t know if I trust him now because if it was THAT easy for him to steal something I offered to buy because it was inexpensive, how long has he been stealing for? And what? Idk just be real with me guys how do I talk to him about this | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
77zahOniHgrPaqsARZR7WxkPckB41HhB | 9ueve1 | {
"description": "being turned off by my straight boyfriend liking anal sex",
"pronormative_score": 26,
"contranormative_score": 17
} | AITA for being turned off by my straight boyfriend liking anal sex? | My boyfriend of 1.5 years just told me about a week ago that he has received anal from women in past relationships. I told him it’s not that odd and that think it’s fine that he has done that. However, i feel like this is a huge turnoff to me. We are a straight couple and this makes me second guess our whole sexual relationship. I feel bad for even thinking that he could be gay for doing this, because I know that having sex with a women is heterosexual, no matter who puts what where.
I feel like an asshole for being so turned off by this aspect of his sexual history. I’m sure it will pass. But I look at him differently now. Like he isn’t as manly as I thought he was. And I feel that since I want no part in this sexual act, it makes me an asshole.
So please, do you think I am being an asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 17,
"OTHER": 25,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 26,
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} | RIGHT |
UILExntFDiu3q5P3McTcEg6wZe24GozL | aql1oq | null | AITA | AITA for wanting my roommate to leave the room First post so bear with me if I'm missing something. I live in a very small dorm with a roommate who was very nice at first but I slowly noticed things that were downright disrespectful. She has a long distance bf who she's never met before and she is constantly arguing with him over the phone. Not even quietly talking to him but yelling st him over the phone when I am in the room instead of going somewhere else to talk to him. Normally this wouldn't be a big deal but I've been startled out of my sleep multiple times at crazy times in the morning (2-5 AM). Once again this normally wouldn't bother me but I have to be up early for classes and she doesn't seem to care at all. It's gotten to the point where I have to purchase ear plugs and An eye mask just to go to sleep. I have talked about this to her multiple times but she just laughs it off. One morning I had a day off and happened to wake up before her so I scrolled through my phone and did a few other things. I couldn't be bothered to fall talk to her when she woke up so I pretended to be asleep in my bed. While I had my eyes closed I hear her shout "fuck" from the other side of the room. Once again I was pretending to be asleep so I didn't say anything. I hear her come over to my side of the room and grab something but I wasn't sure. I didn't have my contacts in/classes on so I really couldn't see what she was grabbing but It really didn't sit right with me. When I finally decided to get up to use the restroom I see her in the hall with my dish rag which wasn't a problem until I realized what she was using it for. She spilled her liquid foundation (makeup) on the floor and used my fucking dish towel to wipe it up off of the ground. When I confronted her about it she asked me if I wanted it back. Never once did she ask if she could use my things nor did she offer to buy me a new one. There was also an instance where she used my paper towels(the last one) and didn't think there was anything wrong with it because it was the last one. I then had to go to the store and use my money to purchase more because she thought using my items was okay. She also does this thing where I'll be in the room watching a show because she's in class and she'll come back and watch her shows on full volume/talk to everyone around the world on the phone instead of using headphones. There are so many more instances but I'll save you guys time. Her friend has spent the night in our room for the past 18 days and I'm fuckin sick of it. They've spilled over my contacts because they use my microwave when I'm not in there. I caught her friend in my things yesterday and they both thought it was hilarious. Her friend is basically her x2 as far as face timing,watching movies, yelling at her bf over FaceTime at crazy hours of the morning when I am trying to sleep. I'm not even able to be in my room at all during the day bc these two are unbearable. AITA for wanting her to stay at her friends dorm and give me a break for at least a night and wanting her to pay for the things that she's stolen from me? Idk if I'm overreacting but I'm sick of it. Thank you | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
I8uSHzZLMjUU0LxBshaCEB8cahQfGUUQ | b1hgy5 | {
"description": "not wanting contact anymore",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA: For not wanting contact anymore? | So I (21) met this guy (24) a while ago, we started dating, got along great. I should also probably mention that this was the first guy I ever dated. Things started getting weird when he invited me to his place.
Before we got there he told me „my sister had a huge fight with her boyfriend and her and their kid will stay with me until everything is sorted out. Don‘t worry they’re not here right now, just don’t freak out over the baby stuff around the house.“. I thought okay, fine, it’s great that he’s helping them out. Doesn’t bother me in the slightest. We get there and after a while he takes out his phone and shows me picture of him with a little kid „So I don’t know when you usually talk about stuff like this. But this is my daughter.“. Y‘all he is a father and _lied_ about it until he couldn’t hide it. Like, was I never supposed to find out? How exactly did he think that would work out?! I didn’t know how to react, so I just acted like it was no big deal, until I had time to think about how to proceed. And I saw more red flags from that point forward.
He‘d say weird stuff („I‘ll be gone for 6 weeks“, „I‘m not actually [his profession]. I‘m still a student“) and then immediately say „I‘m just kidding, I wanted to see how you react.“ Like??Who does that and to whom is it benificial??
Every time we‘d meet to cook/bake at my place (I did most of the work. Ever single time.) he’d be clumsy and spill stuff everywhere and wouldn’t even offer to help me clean up. I always had to do it myself because I didn’t want to scrape dried up pasta sauce from my kitchen floor a day later. Now I am totally aware that I should have talked to him about all of this, but still, what the heck?!
Finally, around a month ago, there was an instanced where I was sick and didn’t text him back for an hour („I don‘t care when you text me back, it’s so annoying when people get upset over that“). And he texts me something along the lines of „honesty is important, if you want to be friends just tell me.“. Just because I didn’t immediately text back while having a fever. We talked back and forth and at the end I told him I wasn’t feeling comfortable, that I wasn’t the right one for him and wished him good luck in the future. Am I the asshole here? I know that I could have handled this better.
| HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
XCch0VhaKjKNLFGtPRrD1tnxgfBuMZYa | a2it70 | {
"description": "'going out' with my friends 'girlfriend'",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for ‘going out’ with my friends ‘girlfriend’? | If you read the title you might be thinking: “of course, you are cheating.” And while i agree with that, this is a bit more complicated.
So my friend is not dating this girl. They haven’t done anything together, they talk quite often but they say they are not in a relationship with each other. I have no idea if they have kissed or anything(i dont think so, but there is a chance). And they haven’t done more than that (if they have done it). My friend tells me sometimes about her, but he says that he doesn’t want a relationship EVERYTIME.
So last friday night he asked if someone wanted to hang out. I said i wanted to but all the other people in the chat said they didn’t want to or didn’t have time. So we were together, and this girl was coming too. We decided to meet up at a supermarket and drink something or whatever.
Fast forward an hour or so, we have talked a bit and were sitting in a playground. We had a bottle of Bacardi Razz and 0,8 grams of weed. We drank something and smoked the spliff (weed with tobacco). We talked more and decided to go to a lake, drank some more (already tipsy and stoned). In the end we finished the entire botlle with three people, i had drank the most even though i never drink and never have been drunk. Might be important.
Fast forward even more, (here comes the ‘bad’ part for me) after we chilled at my friends house me and the girl left. Talked some more and then went to out own house. This has been quite some time, we met up at 2230 and now it was 300. We had to split up on a road, but we went to a little park and then talked some more. In the end i asked for a goodnight kiss, this was mostly meant ironically, but she had no problem so we kissed each other on the cheek and hugged for a bit.
The next morning i got a message from my friend who heard it from the girl and wasnt really happy with it. I kind of denied it but he said i shouldnt do it. It sounded like he really didn’t like it. So i am kind of stressed if this is going to be bad for our friendship and if i am really wrong so be fair.
A short explanation or tl;dr:
-friend is close friends with a girl but doesnt have/want a relationship (yet).
- we were pretty drunk, my first time drinking a lot.
- kissed the girl when we cycled to our homes, not very intimate.
- the girl is very nice and looks very good, but i am not really interested in having a relationship.
- the friend isn’t very happy, for understandable but also weird reasons.
Please be fair, i really want to know if i am wrong or if my friend should just say he doesn’t want me to be intimate with this girl and be more clear. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
N4UgKRLZ4pFWokniO7kb2yt0DcsYZLmc | 9wtppi | {
"description": "being publicly upset that I was forced to do something I expressed I didn't want to do",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being publicly upset that i was forced to do something I expressed I didn't want to do? | Mobile - sorry for formatting
This happened like a year ago. So I used to do highland dancing with my brother. I'd compete, do shows, etc. But after 2-3 years of dancing I started to hate it. My dance teacher didn't like me, I had no friends at the studio, and my younger brother was actually better than me, so I felt like a failure. Anyways, I had told my parents and my dance teacher that I was not going to compete anymore. I said I will keep dancing to stay active and do some little shows for fun. I emphasized this a lot. Only for fun, and only small shows. I still wasn't liking it though. I had awful balance, was darker-skinned and shorter than all the others and I overall just didn't fit in. So one day my mom is telling me about this show my brother and the other girls are doing at some boating club or something. I felt like the tone was weird, and I was right. She told me a girl had gotten sick with the stomach flu and they wanted a replacement. I said no, I told you I wanted to stop and it was stressing me out. She said she TOLD THE TEACHER I WOULD ANYWAYS. WITHOUT ASKING ME. I burst into tears, freaked the fuck out, and basically had an anxiety attack. she told me this the literal night before by the way. I didn't even know the dances and routines, like AT ALL. I go in for extra classes that night and the next day and get a shaky grasp of the routine. I go to the show, sweating, hyperventilating, etc. We do the dances and stuff pretty well. I think me and another girl both made a few mistakes. The dance teacher singled me out after and got upset at only me. I was sad and felt unappreciated. I go home that night, cry, fall asleep. The next day I post a pic of my dance shoes on my instagram story with the caption "ur supposed to ask the backup dancers before u make them backup dance lol". I know I fucked up. I know it was awful and mean and I was a terrible person. I didn't mean for anyone to see it, I was just sad and upset and felt betrayed. So the next week my fam and I go out for a nice dinner. My brother then says, AT THE DINNER TABLE that my dance teacher told him that she hated me. SHE TOLD MY BROTHER AND NOT ME, IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE DANCE CLASS. She had somehow seen the story, but she didn't have insta, so somebody showed it to her. I knew they didn't like me but I didn't think they'd do that. I almost cried at the dinner table, and when we got home I went upstairs and cried. I was scared and angry and sorry for what I did, so I right away delete it, email my dance teacher and the girl I filled for that I was really sorry, I didn't want to offend them, and that it was kinda a jab at my mom. I never went back to dance. The girl seems to have forgiven me, and she is honestly the sweetest person. i think she was the only one who didn't hate me there. I then basically hid from my dance teacher for a few months, never going to pick up my brother, never going to his shows or comps. My mom forced me to come see her at the studio christmas party. I bought her some cookies from Scotland in a cute highland dancer-patterned tin. She seemed to have forgiven me, kind of. I've seen her a few times since.
my question is, did I do something wrong? Everyone is siding with her, but i was literally forced into something I didn't want nor know how to do, then berated when i fucked it up. What the fuck? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
sal08b7xnrxHxZTV191DTg69SZp897Ko | b83bx3 | {
"description": "\"ruining\" my girlfriend's birthday",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for "ruining" my girlfriend's birthday? | Long post but please hear me out :(
I have a chronic disease that often causes lots of pain. Yesterday was my girlfriend's birthday, and the past couple of days have been pretty bad to put it lightly. The day prior I took her out to eat, took her shopping, and then took her to her favorite little park that has a waterfall. I was trying my best to keep it together, but pain like this is going to show no matter what. I apparently frustrated her because I complained quite a few times about how much pain I was in and with the pace I had to walk (part of the pain right now is in my leg and I have to limp around so I walk pretty slowly). That night I went to bed pretty early as my disease causes me fatigue (and we did quite a bit that day) and that is the only way for me to escape the pain besides drowning myself in painkillers and the like.
The morning of her birthday I slept in again for the same reason, and I know this upset her very much. I didn't wake up until around noon, which meant half of her birthday was already over :(. When I woke up I gave her her gifts (everything she told me she wanted: a new ring, shoes, some makeup and a bouquet of flowers). After that, it took me quite a while to get ready and we didn't end up leaving the apartment until around 2:30 to head to her family's house (when she originally told me she wanted to leave around noon). At her family's house I didn't really talk much and didn't participate in all of the things they were doing because of my pain.
After all of this we had to head to her grandmother's house as she was leaving for a trip and she wanted us to take care of her dog and watch over the house. While packing my stuff I admittedly snapped on her a little bit as I felt like I was reaching my limit and was having to carry around a couple of pretty heavy things which increased my pain even more.
This morning she told me that I "ruined" her 21st birthday and she feels like I don't care about her. She texted me "one day...my fucking birthday...that's all I wanted."
Now in addition to the pain I feel fucking awful. It hurt so bad to hear that I "ruined" her 21st birthday and I kind of fell silent after that because I didn't know what to say which just made her more upset with me.
Someone please give me their opinion on what is going on here. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 3
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
fsovLerCKWqyzWYVyDNybt5Ft0ppk1jj | a82wfe | {
"description": "not wanting to help my disabled friend anymore",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to help my disabled friend anymore? | Some background first:
I have a disabled kid in my class who I'm friends with, but not close friends with. He can walk somewhat fine, but he's on crutches for the rest of his life and moves very, very slowly. He used to have somebody come to school with him and help him and make sure he's fine, but she recently left during the summer.
&#x200B;
So, now that the person that was helping him left, it's up to his classmates (aka just me and my other friend) to help him until they find a replacement. Basically, he just wants us to help him carry his books/food around and help him up and down stairs, which is perfectly fine by me even though he does move pretty slowly and it takes quite a while. Nobody bothers to help him except us two, and we'd feel too bad not helping him either, so because of this, his parents realised that they could just let us help him for the entire school year and further on without having to spend time finding someone else. Of course, this annoyed me, but it isn't the reason I'm bothered by helping him.
&#x200B;
HOWEVER, I noticed that recently he's been walking a LOT slower, taking his time, sometimes even standing next to a wall doing nothing, while I'm already late to class. At first, I didn't say anything, but I started politely telling him that I was late and needed to get to class quickly. But my friend and I started to tell him that it was bothering us when he would stand doing nothing when we have things to do. Again, up until now, I was fine with helping him no matter what because I didn't wanna be rude and forget about him, even if he was standing still/walking a lot slower than normal.
&#x200B;
Now, here's the reason I'm suddenly annoyed by this whole thing. After my friend and I helping him this entire semester, being late to classes, etc.. We found out that he could do everything by himself completely fine, and he didn't need help this entire time. I don't know why he kept us helping him the entire semester, maybe it was because he didn't want to be lonely while moving around. I still occasionally help him if I don't risk being late, but he's mostly stopped asking for help now that we've found out.
&#x200B;
So, AITA for not wanting to help him? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
pBBvXGwFE0hNaG0vatBHW2PgvBTEhmMz | ae6l5k | {
"description": "almost hitting a cyclist with my car",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for almost hitting a cyclist with my car | I only ask here because she literally called me an asshole. Basically I was driving to work and I get off the exit and I have to make a right turn. The road has three lanes, the two on the left have stoplights (which we're red) and the right turn lane does not have a stop light but is a yield. I'm in the right lane waiting for an opening. (There is a crosswalk but no crosswalk light from what I could see). I see an opening and start rolling forward when a woman on a bike is in the middle of the crosswalk biking swerving calling me an asshole etc. I don't hit her or anything, but from what I could tell she didn't even stop at the end of the sidewalk and just went through the crosswalk without a care in the world. She was biking on the sidewalk on the oncoming traffic side. AITA for almost hitting her? Does she have the right of way? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
kNZAYgIWArV2Du6w77RHjVFT8tqkBddL | aoaf3a | null | AITA because of my own mental illness? | Background:
This fall, my mental health started deteriorating, as well as my relationship. I had severe anxiety, lost my job due to attendance while in the psych ward, and my boyfriend left me.
Friends K and S were my former roommates at college. I had confided in them that I was suicidal, and I called them begging them to come over when I was having a panic attack on two separate occasions. They live about a 15-20 minute drive away from me. I offered to give them gas money, they refused. However, these were not the only times I asked to hang out. More often than not, they were busy, so I didn't see them often.
The second time they come over to "help" me, they immediately start raising their voices at me, telling me I need to stop scaring them, that them coming over is a waste of time. I admittedly got frustrated and snapped at them, saying I just wanted companionship, and they could leave if they wanted to.
Fast forward a couple weeks, I just get out of the psych ward, I'm still adjusting to my new medications, things are going okayish. That day, my ex and I get in a fight, I'm extremely anxious. Its K's 21st birthday, they beg me to be the DD since I'm not 21. I'm reluctant, because I had no job at the time, very little savings, and nobody was offering to pay for gas. Group of friends decides I'll drive K's van so they won't have to pay me. Fine, cool.
I leave my car at K's house, we take the van to meet the rest of the group. I get there, they tell me I don't have to drive. I'm a little upset because I would have brought my own car with, that way I could leave whenever and not have to burden anyone. They start insisting I take shots to "ease off the anxiety". They feed me two double shots and a single of whiskey. Originally, they wanted to go to some adult gaming place, but nobody really knew what exactly they wanted to do. I suggested that first, we go to Applebees, so K can eat before she starts drinking, then we can do something else. They tell me to take another shot before we go.
We go to dinner, having fun, watching them drink and chat for at least two hours. Everything was great. But as the evening started to wind down, I start to feel sick and anxious. I ask for a ride home. They said okay, that's fine. So they take me to my car, one sober person drives me home and the other follows in the van.
After this, I don't hear from K or S for weeks. I finally get a response from K after I ask if I did something wrong.
I'm met with: "You ruined my 21st birthday! I didn't get to do anything I wanted. You bitched about money, you took all the attention off of me. This was MY birthday, you were supposed to be my FRIEND and CELEBRATE with me."
I apologize and tell her that I didn't mean for it to be that way. She knew I wasn't feeling the greatest and she had already told me they'd figure out how to get me home, since I was supposed to be driving her car.
She then goes on to tell me "You're always going through a difficult time, it's like you're attention seeking. You never want anyone's advice, just to use us for a therapy session. You're a toxic human being and you're no good for me."
I admit, I can probably be stressful. But I just went to her and S because they lived closest, and I trusted them to listen to me. AITA because my mental health made me blind to how I was making others feel? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
LoLbFNm2aQfV0X08hRDZvAEcWzfgr0cB | b3ond9 | {
"description": "bringing my own tea to a restaurant",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | WIBTA for bringing my own tea to a restaurant? | My wife drinks tea for breakfast, and we always pay for cheap tea in a bag. Is it a dick move to just ask for hot water and put in her own tea? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
0E0SOsYepUfpCxadILURniSMpnorzEl3 | 9uupsy | {
"description": "wanting to sleep at night while my wife takes care of our newborn",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 30
} | AITA for wanting to sleep at night while my wife takes care of our newborn? | My wife and I just had our second kid last week and I want to sleep at night while she takes care of the nightly feedings and diaper changing.
My wife is on maternity leave and she had no complications with the birth and is not bed ridden or anything. Our oldest daughter gets dropped off at daycare and my wife takes care of the newborn during the day and does household chores and such.
I went back to work on Monday working an office job 9-6 and it’s not a stressful job or anything. I also stay up till about 12-1 doing homework for my MBA. I do help with the newborn when I am home and for anything my wife or baby needs till I go to sleep.
I want to be able to sleep through the night since I’m up late and have to work in the morning but my wife expects me to wake up every 2-3 hours and help with feedings and stuff while she pumps to try to get met milk in.
AMTA for not wanting to wake up and help? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 30,
"OTHER": 18,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 30
} | WRONG |
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