id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
TaU3CvN0m5ZHEUR4CDB3kU76KtOzjQwk | adkc7w | {
"description": "being too tall",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for being too tall? | I’m 6’6 and whilst this might not be crazy tall it still seems to be enough to warrant a situation where almost everywhere I go a stranger will approach me just to ask how tall I am. I can almost guarantee that every other week or so people that I have never met before will either make a passing comment about my height or ask me questions.
Now I’ve had my fair share of abuse over the years from people who have tried to ridicule me for my height and it’s been pretty rough sometimes. People can be mean and I’ve certainly beat myself up about it in the past. There’s been times where people have called me names and I’ve caught people out before where they’re just staring at me and it makes me feel really uncomfortable.
As I’ve gotten older and gained more confidence I now carry myself with a lot more self respect than when I was just a kid. But it’s still incredibly infuriating to have a stranger approach me and say things like ‘Oh my god you’re massive! How tall are you!?’
In the worse case scenario people can be really rude to me and it feels like they’re trying to make me feel small by pointing out how I’m either too tall or ridiculously tall etc. I’m a pretty self conscious guy and the attention isn’t really wanted and sometimes I’ll react really sarcastically to the people questioning me. I get that I can stand out and more often than not I suppose people are just being inquisitive, sometimes people are friendly about it but it still feels kind of weird to me. It’s like people have no sense of boundaries or how to be respectful, but I don’t know if I’m looking at this all wrong.
For example, today I’m in the shop with my girlfriend and just as I’m about to pay this guy walks straight up to me and goes “How tall are you!?”
I look at the cashier and then look back at the guy and go “8 foot 5 inches...isn’t that crazy!!?”
He just looked blankly at me and walks off like I’ve offended him. Then I feel doubly uncomfortable because firstly he made a comment on my height I didn’t ask for and secondly I seemed to annoy him with my answer.
I don’t mind people approaching me and speaking to me if it’s a proper conversation. I’d quite like a “hello how are you?” that would be kind of nice I’d imagine. But to straight up come at me and ask questions about how I look feels unfair. I wouldn’t approach someone that’s overweight and ask them how much they weigh so why do people come up to me and ask me how tall I am?
Am I looking at situations like this all wrong? Should I just expect that because I’m tall people will want to know exactly how tall I am? Am I the asshole for not responding positively to peoples questions? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
TWdRFvflCK3T2LYWupI8B90lG9W2a5dL | aw7av1 | {
"description": "telling my friend's mom that the autographed picture she gave me is a fake",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | WIBTA if I told my friend's Mom that the autographed picture she gave me is a fake? | (TL;DR at bottom)
Weeks before my birthday, a friend asked who my favorite actor/actress was. I had a gut feeling she was going to do something amazing with whatever name I gave her; having them wishing me Happy Birthday on Twitter, for example. I had no idea that the gift from her Mom would be an autographed picture of a favorite actress!!! To say I was shocked and emotional was a huge understatement. I cried. They cried. I was elated and speechless over this priceless, thoughtful, and unsuspecting gift.
I'd learned that my friend's mom knows someone who has a connection to big names in Hollywood. Mom kept saying, "She signed this JUST for you!"; "It's real, and she stopped to take the time to sign it just for your Birthday"; "I didn't want her to write your name on it in case you decided to sell it later". This got my spidey senses tingling. Why say this repeatedly? I stared at the photo to admire it, it became quickly obvious that the signature was not real marker ink on paper but a machine pressed stamp of the autograph. Am I a trained professional in autographs? No. But I am smart and I have excellent eyes when it comes to spotting discrepancies. Later on, I took the photo out of the frame to have a closer look and had my suspicions confirmed. The signature was way too symmetrical and evenly inked to have been a marker. I could see/feel the perfect indentation left by the stamp. No need to have it authenticated.
I've thought about it and have decided it’s unfair to be angry that it's fake. Instead, I tell those that ask about it that I have a *genuine replica* from the source. But what do I tell Mom? Do I even tell her at all? I want to give her the benefit of the doubt, surely she wouldn’t be lying to me, right? She either had no idea that it’s not real and truly thought she gave me an original; or, she knew it was fake and was trying to pull one over on me. I want to believe the former; I want to believe in her innocence and thoughtfulness.
If I was her and thought *I* gave someone an original autograph and they found out it wasn't real, I'd want to know so that I could either make it right, or, avoid making the same mistake to someone else.
**WIBTA** for politely mentioning that I've come to learn that the signature is not real? I don’t want to lie to her and say I took it to be authenticated when I did not. I don't have the desire to "catch her in a lie", I just want her to be aware of it, so she doesn't do it to someone else; or have her naivety be taken advantage of in the future.
**TL;DR:** Was gifted an autographed picture of a favorite actress. Discovered it’s a machine stamped signature; not signed specifically for me as the Gifter repeatedly stated. The gifter either did or did not know that it's fake. I don't know how to tell her, or if I should tell her.
Thank you for your input. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
TnMwIRXIr5ajTsafTApizmYrFBZSVPHB | 9zozv5 | {
"description": "using the warranty on a product that I broke by accident",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for using the warranty on a product that I broke by accident? | The title sounds pretty benign, but the way people reacted on reddit made it seem like I was doing something way wrong and I still don’t understand.
So what happened was I broke some computer parts in my PC when I was drunk - the motherboard and the GPU. I basically got some liquid on some components and they stopped working.
I replaced the motherboard out of my own pocket because I was going to upgrade it anyway. But I didn’t have any money to fix the GPU. So I decided to see if the warranty covered it. I read up online about it, and the warranty basically said it doesn’t cover user-inflicted damage.
But looking at my GPU, you wouldn’t be able to tell if it were water damaged or not. So I made a post to a tech support subreddit and asked basically if there were ways for a company to know if a product were water damaged and if I should bother sending in the GPU to get it fixed/replaced. I stated that I was most likely going to send it in despite everything. And to read the comments you would have thought I was robbing the company of thousands of dollars. People were very upset that I was ‘taking advantage’ of this company (a large corporation, not a mom and pop computer shop). They were pretty nasty and I didn’t really expect people to react that way. They assumed I made the post looking for validation for my ‘wrongdoing’. Like I created the post solely to feel better about my crime or something. The truth is more closer to “should I bother spending 10-15 dollars to send this thing in to be checked by this company.
I mean if I sent the thing in, the company would have the choice of either replacing the GPU or not. People made it seem like I was committing some act of fraud. I know it might have been my fault that the GPU broke, but this is a multi-million dollar business. And the GPU I had was outdated by at least 3 years. So it’s like 200$ or so. Maybe less idk. If it were any other industry they would have been ok with it. Like if this were a car part or something. People were genuinely upset.
So am I an asshole for doing this? I didn’t think people cared if a giant company swapped out a 200$ GPU for a broken one but I guess I was wrong. And this wasn’t just a few people being upset, there were a lot of people with highly upvoted comments saying what I was doing was morally reprehensible. And I just don’t get why people were so quick to defend this company, at least in the manner that they did.
TL;DR I broke a GPU on my PC and asked a subreddit if it were worth sending it to the company to be replaced. They were pretty angry at me. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
VinbyiwJEt9T0w2sNyPDEQDXnRbaNq9W | b5qwb6 | {
"description": "driving the speed limit",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for driving the speed limit? | This isn't a single conflict but rather a continuous thing. My commute to work is a 35 minute drive, and most of the drive takes place on a two lane (one each way) highway with a 55 mph speed limit. The road is not divided, and there are several long straight sections, so passing is fairly easy on this road. The road is usually heavily policed (I tend to see a cop each time I drive the road, generally in oncoming traffic).
I'm sure you can see where this is going. Ever since I got pulled over once for speeding, I've been trying my hardest to avoid repeating that. So I simply set my cruise control to 55 for the duration of my time on the road. However many drivers on this road tend to drive at 60 or 65. This means that I tend to gather a conga line of cars behind me. Some pass me (like I said, passing is fairly easy on this road--it's not too crowded and has lots of passing zones), and some don't. Plenty of them ride my ass really close, which can be frustrating.
I understand that sometimes driving slower than the flow of traffic can be dangerous for all involved, but I think that is less of a problem here than say, a crowded four lane highway. I also worry that by encouraging people to pass me I'm putting them in greater danger as well, but in my mind it is their responsibility to decide when and how to pass safely. I do make sure that I hang to the right when someone looks like they want to pass me so that they have a clearer view of oncoming traffic. Also I don't know how safety concerns about going too slow weigh against the the slower speed being safer. It's also worth noting that other cars are rarely ever going more than 5-10 mph faster than me.
In the end I feel as though I shouldn't ever feel pressured into breaking the law, and I think I should be justified in following it, even when others don't.
So that's it: am I the asshole here for slowing people down and (maybe) causing more dangerous road conditions, or am I justified in keeping to the speed limit and others should just deal with it? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
sOs4x9e2Tyoy9Wf6r6deQSdCuFaLYgd1 | ap214u | {
"description": "thinking of ending things with my boyfriend who isn't as financially sound as I am",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA because I [f24] am thinking of ending things with my boyfriend [m27] who isn't as financially sound as I am? | Have been thinking about this for a little while now, and it'll probably go down in a reddit garbage bag, but I need some opinions.
​
I probably have had what I would consider for myself the toughest few years so far in my life. Debt was just one of the *minor* issues let's say. Lived in overdraft for about 5 years straight with no positive numbers and just a few months ago had reached my goal and have actually begun to start saving in an investment account for myself where I have a few thousand saved. Soon after, met my boyfriend (been dating for about 5 months now) and I really do love him for everything he is. Except how he handles his money. Have attempted to help him with his finances, in almost any way that I could. Even gave me access to his account - had subscriptions to things he didn't even know was there, would pay an unnecessary amount for groceries of one person, didn't know how interest rates or investment funds worked and doesn't have a savings account. As someone who recently got out of a huge funk, I want to help him the best way I can but he lives in the States whilst I'm in Canada (1 1/2hr drive). I eventually want to be able to settle down - put a down payment on a home, have a family, travel, etc. but he can barely pay for his part of the meal when we go out for the occasional outing. I've been through past relationships where I was the provider and didn't realize it until after the fact. I don't want to relive that ever again because that's how I became indebted in the first place. AITA for not wanting to be with someone who cannot handle money or know the value of a dollar really well?
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
5XoYekeb76aYWqbDsrDfWakLdgZh7tmc | alocwf | {
"description": "not wanting to give my father last of my savings so he can spend it on my grandfather's care",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to give my father last of my savings so he can spend it on my grandfather’s care | My grandfather was taken to hospital 3-4 months ago to the hospital because he was having a hard time breathing. He was moved to ICU same night and stayed there for 2&1/2 months and after New Years was sent home.
He came home with a breathing machine attached to his neck and a feeding tube in his stomach and has one more for bladder, we were thought how to clean all that and got bunch of stuff related to his care, we had to hire a nurse for 2 weeks because even the doctors suggested they reckoned that’s how long it would take us to learn. This is all normal it can happen to any of us.( I hope no one has to go thourgh this tho.)
Now the part I’m maybe being an arsehole about, I’ve been working for 2 years since I graduated not the best but it was something rather then nothing. Couple of weeks after my grandfather got sick I was let go from the place I was working in, bad wage, no extra pay for overtime since they found this method to cover it all legal no issues, they aren’t a bad company and all have been nice but I had to leave at 5-6 am for work and came at 8-9 pm (traffic is a nightmare). I had saved up money it was all good.
My grandfathers sickness required a lot and we had to pay for quite a few things and the most expensive 2 were nurse(3 of them coming whenever and whichever got time from their regular work.) and some medications which wasn’t covered we had to buy. Nurses cost nearly a third of my monthly wage in the company I used to work at.
A good chunk of my savings went to that while my father used what he earned for getting the bed and other items we require like the bed and the special thing it should be placed on so we can hone him upside down or straighten him and stuff.
I got a loan from bank for this as well and I’m paying it by myself and I have very little remain from my savings which I don’t want to give it to him just because he wants to get the best stuff rather then getting the mediocre ones.
I may sound heartless and maybe at this point I am, this isn’t our first time taking care of a bedridden relative my grandmother was paralyzed when I was 6 and lived for 18 years I helped with that too and now helping with my grandfather.
Forgot to say my grandfather is 92. He isn’t conscious and more like in a blank state he doesn’t respond but occasionally stares ahead.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
hqOixQGjMbw4HDUqptAJYkrzaNIRtUka | b3upb0 | {
"description": "not getting a wedding gift",
"pronormative_score": 27,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not getting a wedding gift??? | AITA.
One of my employees was getting married and she sent me an invitation. I had only been managing this particular location for a month, and I did not know her prior to transferring to the location. Instead of attending a strangers wedding, I sent her a card with a short hand written note congratulating the bride and groom.
A few days after the wedding, the employye sent me an email asking if I was aware that the card did not have any money in it. I thought this was extremely tacky and asked if a gift was the only reason I was invited.
Am I required to buy a gift if I dont attend? Should I have not sent a card congratulating the couple?
Im confused!!! | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 27,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 27,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
zYng54OTv4mqID4L7tYI1f2i7XkQT6dd | aa00xa | {
"description": "leaving a restaurant without paying for my meal",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for leaving a restaurant without paying for my meal? | This happened about ten years ago, and is not something I've done before or since. Was also a fairly unique circumstance.
Service was normal and the food was fine. I had every intention of paying and of course tipping her at a normal rate.
Asked for my check at the end and she brought everyone elses but not mine. I tell her this and ask her to bring me mine. 20 minutes later she still hasn't brought it. Ask for it again as she walks by and another 20+ minutes go by with her not bringing it.
By that time I had somewhere to be so I just left. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
2KG2TsIF1N4ZpjkEozqDTBqx8DfCH01P | ar4bi5 | {
"description": "leaving this note about a low hanging branch over the sidewalk",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for leaving this note about a low hanging branch over the sidewalk? | Hi!
I’m his letting you know that you might want to get your tree by the sidewalk trimmed. A few kids have hit their heads on the low hanging branch while walking to the bus, and I’d hate for someone to get hurt or made about it.
Thanks,
(First name and last initial) | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
LMvh5ZIUBtQJM0ITYemUwcBso1JnU22Y | aa68z7 | {
"description": "not liking my sisters boyfriend's kids",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not liking my sisters boyfriend's kids | She hasn't even been dating this guy for a year. She still lives at home with our Mom. Her boyfriend has two kids. I'll try not to rant about my sister and keep to the subject at hand.
We'll call her boyfriend Fred. Fred has two kids, somewhere between 6 and 10 years old. My sister, Sue, has been dating him for about 8 months. Fred isn't that bad of a guy. He's been divorced but does the best he can for his kids. I respect the dude and genuinely think he's decent. Sue, on the other hand, is selfish and feels entitled to everything.
Anyway, every weekend, Fred has his kids. That's great, he should be able to see his kids. But, the issue is that he doesn't have his own place. He sorta moved into my sister's room at my mom's house over the time they've been dating. Times are tough, I get it. Well, his kids are fucking brats.
I myself stay here off and on due to work. I have very little possessions. I tend to keep to myself because I don't really like my sister. While I'm at home, I have my dog (5 pound Pomeranian) and he's my whole world. He's my best friend, he sleeps with me, I play with him as much as possible, and I just fucking love him. Cue Fred's kids.
His kids have no idea how to treat an animal or personal property. They take my dogs toy and just tease him. They never give it back and like to psych him out. I get furious when they do that, so I eventually, yet calmly, went off. I told them if they're going to play with my dog, then they better play nice and stop freaking him out. They continued to not give him his toy. On top of that, they like to pick him up by his front legs and fly him around like a god damn superhero. I lost it. I told them to let go of my dog and they're not allowed to pick him up anymore. What do they do? The exact opposite.
Also, the little brats like to invite themselves into my room, jump on my bed, and harass my dog even more. For Christ's sake, I have my door closed with me and my dog in here but they still feel invited?
It's not just my dog. They're loud, always bothering me, and constantly touching my shit. Why the fuck are you in my room you little kids? There's shit in here that they do not need to see or get a hold of. Examples: Bong, handgun, and my VR setup. Before you jump to conclusions, my gun is closed up in a case, unloaded, clip out, and stuffed away in the back of a drawer. It's not in a safe because 99% of the time, I'm nowhere near kids.
Fred does tell them to stop when he sees that I'm getting aggravated, but they'll get back into being little shitheads sooner or later. Sometimes I'll take Sue to the side and let her know that their intruding in my room and harassing my dog, but she usually shrugs it off.
AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
XHrJAcCZ9cdNlLiu2jZe5Io8IrpueyXI | 9vi2fh | {
"description": "overreacting and getting a kitten killed",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For overreacting and getting a kitten killed. | A friend invited me and 4 other people to his party. His mother and father rescue dogs and cats and foster them. After eating and watching a movie we played truth or dare. It was a girl who'll we will call Alissa who technically started it. It was her turn and she asked a friend. Let's call him Tom to take Disney (A 5 week old black and white kitten) and put the kittens face in their ass. I opposed this but didn't say anything. I didn't know Tom would comply. But he did. He grab the kitten and pulled down his pants. He put the cats face on his bare ass and farted. (The friend who invited us over was at the store right now getting snacks) Everyone was laughing but I was honestly disgusted. I started yelling at him. "WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? IT'S A KITTEN." I then punched him. We started pushing and punching eachother until he pushed me really hard. I fell on something. It was a small 2 week year old. We took the kitten to the vet and it died. I feel awful and lost many friends that day. It's a silly ordeal and I just get frustrated thinking about it. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
fIroue9CMePZD5bzpvykVFJyJihde5o1 | aso6r4 | {
"description": "not kissing my wife after she ate Durian",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not kissing my wife after she ate Durian? | So a few minutes ago my wife and I jumped into bed to sleep, and when she reached over for a kiss goodnight I declined. It wasn't a super rude no way, but I did try to play it off as a bit of a joke with "Oh no, no thank you. You ate durian! Haha." She got quite angry at me and won't speak to me after saying that I always act like she is some disgusting thing when she eats durian. I have no problems with her eating durian, she loves the taste and that's perfectly fine. I even once bought her durian ice cream. But I fucking **HATE** the smell of durian, it nearly makes me puke, and I have explained that yet she always accuses me of overreacting about it. Years ago I used to over tease her but she explained to me how hurtful it was and I made a conscious effort to stop, but that doesn't mean I will pretend to enjoy it. It is one of the most vile and genuinely disgusting smells I know. I prefer the smell of my own fermented dick cheese to it, but she loves durian so I respect that and never make a fuss about her wanting to eat it, it makes her happy.
So it angers me that she can't seem to understand that it grosses me out. No, I don't want to kiss you, and have my most hated taste stuck to my lips right below my nose, so that I can be smelling it for minutes to hours. But she insists that I am being a jerk because it's only a quick goodnight kiss.
Am I the asshole for not wanting to kiss her? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
awipxV4UC6WwbBet9cW7X22zfkbHPRyI | b569ht | {
"description": "going to a party instead of hanging out with my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for going to a party instead of hanging out with my girlfriend? | (18f and 18m) I posted about this previously before it happened. Yesterday, I had a plan to go hang out with some buddies at my friend’s gender reveal party for his kid. At the same time, my girlfriend was telling me that she was going to want me to hang out with her, even though I had already planned on going to the party. No random girls were there and that she was more than welcome to come. She has been taking care of her newborn nephew the last week, and yesterday was her only chance to hang out despite me going to the party. I went to the party, didn’t hang out with her (I stopped by for an hour during the middle of the party) and then returned and smoked weed against her wishes.
I have heard many people say that in situations like this that the girl is just being controlling, but on the other hand she is really emotionally needy, has mental health issues, and is super busy so I know that dating her means that if she needs something that I’m right there beside her. We typically hang out a lot, and I rarely go out with friends. Today, we got in an argument and she came back at me with her take on the situation as if it were happening from my perspective.
Here is her take on this situation. I am “A” in this scenario.
“Imagine this:
You’re having a super long and tiring week. You’ve been taking care of your 6 year old niece and trying to help your sister with her newborn baby. You finally get a coworker to take your shift, yay! You can hangout with A. You mention it to A that you want to hangout. He says, “I can in the morning but I have a party to go to later”. you’re busy in the morning and you remember that this is a gender reveal party for one of his so called “friends”. So you ask him to do the right thing for your relationship and come hangout with you instead because you’re emotionally and mentally tired and you need a break from everything with the one person you can get a break with. He says no, that this party is too important to him because he promised his friend. But he’s broken so many promises to you (quitting juuling, texting people you don’t like), why does it matter? You two fight a lot and now you’re even more sad and upset than before. You ask him to come over for a few hours, but he shows up 45 minutes later. You’ve made plans with your other friends since your boyfriend couldn’t take the time out of his day to make sure you’re okay. He then invites you to hang out in a nearby town at 10:00, only 25 minutes after your movie starts, but he only invited you because he felt bad (she was invited to the party in the first place but declined). Then he said he was going to go home for the night, and you asked him not to smoke and he agreed. You wake up and figure out that he did indeed smoke, despite what he had promised you. So why is his promise to his “friend” so much more important to his promise to you?”
So, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
X9csQHaQSgiJjqlz6kLv7hJDf4nAWyHz | a7iwc8 | {
"description": "not wanting to celebrate my mother's birthday",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting to celebrate my mother's birthday? | Less than half an hour ago, my father, my mother, and I were sitting on the couch in the living room. My mother's birthday is coming up (on the 20th) and that seemed to be the reason of the following conflict.
​
We were discussing the plans for her birthday so I told the ideas that I had come up with. My idea was somewhat of a family-oriented one. I hadn't seen my parents for four years prior to 6 months ago and I was really busy this semester at school and work. I was looking forward to spending some time with my parents as well as my aunt and my cousins.
​
I told my parents my idea:
We would go to check out a city about an hour away that is known to have an incredible Christmas atmosphere. It is an overall nice city with lots of Christmas decorations and festivities and a great place to spend an afternoon in.
I've heard a lot of good things from a few friends about a restaurant in the above city. Since both my mom and I work the afternoon of the 20th, I figured I could bring her some breakfast in bed on the day of her birthday and book her a massage so she can relax a bit (lord knows she needs it). On the 23rd, we would drive to the above city and spend our afternoon there (after 5 since we both work until 5 on Sunday) and pickup Christmas dinner from that specific restaurant. The restaurant offers a carry-out dinner that serves 8 to 10 guests for $190. I told my parents I would buy the dinner, and we can have my aunt and her family come over on Christmas day (or Eve) since this would be the first year my mom celebrates Christmas with her sister. That way nobody has to cook and we can all spend some time together and kind of reconnect.
​
My mother got incredibly mad. First, she stated how she was disappointed that she was not getting a car for Christmas. A bit of backstory here: my mom was never a driver and she drove enough in the past 6 months to pass the driving test. She demanded that we get her a car so that she won't depend on us to drive her to work and other places. This responsibility fell on me since I'm the only one in this family who knows how to buy a car, and most importantly, speaks English. As I said before, I was busy the past four months due to school and work so I didn't really have any time to buy a car for my mom's birthday. I told her she would have a car in January since I'll have some free time during winter break.
​
My mother kept getting madder. She would jump from arguing with me to yelling at my dad because he wasn't saying anything. I could tell that she was mad about something and that she couldn't get mad at me so she got mad at my dad instead. I told her I am trying to have a conversation so we can reach a middle point and compromise. She shut down all my ideas by throwing slippery slope arguments at me and would go back to releasing her anger on my father. I looked at my mom for a minute and realized that this is what she was doing:
​
* Shut down my ideas by throwing slipper slope arguments at them
* Get mad and trying to release that anger on me.
* When she'd realize that her anger wouldn't work on me and that I was deflecting the fight by remaining calm and rational, she'd turn to my dad and start yelling at him about how he is not saying anything and that he should be saying something at the moment.
* My dad would take the bait and start yelling back.
* I watched my parents yell at each other for a good minute and overall escalating the argument. I was right in front of them but it felt like I was so far away and was a spectator to their fight. I was somewhat amused and found the whole thing funny realizing that I probably am the only responsible adult in this house and that living with my parents is going be to a lot harder than I thought.
* Go back to asking me what my plans are for her birthday and Christmas, thus returning to the first step and repeating the whole process.
I was accompanying my mom in this loop for the first couple of times. Then I realized what she was doing and I stepped out. She kept going. That scared me. My mom has random bursts of violence and I'm afraid it might escalate to more than fights
​
At that moment, I realized I was trying too hard and that I couldn't force my parents to change. Any effort of mine would be useless as these patterns are engraved in their brains. Thinking that I would probably have to deal with another fight when we'd hung out for her birthday and spend time together for Christmas, I told her I don't wanna do anything for her birthday.
​
I was tired. Tired of all the fighting. I don't want to deal with that anymore. I don't want to spend time with my parents, nor do I want to get them Christmas gifts anymore, nor do I want them to progress in this new country anymore. I want to distance myself from them. I believe they are toxic and contribute to my unhappiness and poor mental health.
​
Am I The Asshole for wanting to be happy? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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hCswEHnRo3GZraxFXrsxOJDxFnQqH2bK | ba4fx1 | {
"description": "defending my girlfriend against a drunk neighbor",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for defending my girlfriend against a drunk neighbor ? | The title seems like it would be an easy answer. Apparently, it's not.
I love with my girlfriend. She's in the process of selling her house. A few months back, a family rented the house next door. They've been horrible. Very rude, loud, ton of people. He owns a construction company and always parks his big work truck in the grass in front of my girlfriend's house. Grass in front of the house is empty, as is his driveway.
Last night around 9:30, she is going to get her daughter. He is outside so she politely asks him to move the truck. He EXPLODES. F-bombs everywhere. Approaches her in a threatening manner. I hear this and go outside. He and I are about the same size. I speak in an authoritative way to let him know, hey, you're not in control here. Relax. He then goes between apologizing, threatening, m'fing me. Etc. We argue. My girlfriend gets me into the house.........and proceeds to yell at me. Saying ITAH and I'm embarrassing her. That pisses me off because I know if I stayed inside, I'd get yelled at for not having her back.
I cool down. She again tries to leave to get her daughter. I go to go for a drive. When I do. I see her. Our other neighbor and the ass hole neigh or yelling. The other neighbor is a great guy. 67. Always looks out for her and her daughter. I get out of my car but just stand back. When it looks like the AH neighbor is about to attack, I then get in the middle and he backs off.
Police come,( he called them saying he felt threatened by me but as soon as he hung up he said I'm lucky the police were coming because he was going to beat myass lol), he moves his truck, blah, blah, blah......but the rest is not important. I'm asking, am I the asshole? I'm still upset at her comments she made to me after I defended her. I'm not kidding when I say the guy was definitely trying to intimidate her verbally and physically before I stepped in. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
PwHbuZlz4bknt3o9zyWS97LaP4nWVcgF | 9u3p96 | {
"description": "accidentally falling asleep",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for accidentally falling asleep? | So last night my girlfriend was at my house, but needed to be home by 12:30am as she still lives at home and her dad usually wants her home at a specific time. Last night however, her dad was out playing poker, which he’ll usually play until about 3am.
So we just made cookies, were watching Netflix, it’s about 10:45 and I notice she’s falling asleep. I figure it’s only 10:45, and I’m not even tired yet, so I just wanted to lay down next to her for awhile. Big fucking mistake. Apparently I did fall asleep, didn’t even recall falling asleep, and she wakes up at 12:40 freaking out. I immediately wake up and try to comfort her, I put my hand on her leg and say, “Hey it’s okay, it’s only 12:45, and you only live 5 min away.” She pulls away and says she doesn’t want to be touched and grabs her keys leaving without saying good bye.
At this point I know she’s pissed at me, but I still want to make sure she got home safe so I text her and say just that. She replied that she doesn’t want to talk to me, today or tomorrow and blocked me on everything. Then she asks “Why would you not wake me up” I tell her i didn’t mean to fall asleep and I’m sorry. And she says “Sorry is just overused now. I’m leaving”
This is the first time something like this has happened, (me falling asleep and her being 15 minutes late). Although it was an accident, I know I should of probably set an alarm or something along the lines. But...AITA for this situation?? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
dCgjcd0BqfMS0lkF0czRo4s0cJdaqNPJ | a9xacl | {
"description": "not wanting to be at home while in laws are being hosted",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not wanting to be at home while in laws are being hosted? | I have been with my husband for 4 years. He is from a different country and culture who speak English as a second language. I am very family oriented so have tried very hard to integrate as I got married by being as friendly and open as possible with my in laws who I see on average 4/5 times a year. His mum is adorable and whenever she is around she shows me a lot of affection (even though she doesn’t speak much English). However, my brothers/sister in law and their partners make very little effort and barely speak to me. I thought it was a language issue initially so brushed it off but recently realised that their English was good enough to ask me to ask my husband for a lift or to ask me for food.
Recently my husband decided to host a family lunch at home. I cooked and set up a buffet for everyone. One brother grunted hello at me and went to sit down elsewhere, (not the first time. I was told it was because he was not talkative but when sat with my husband you can’t shut him up), his partner didn’t offer to help in the kitchen once, just sat there in silence and only got up to ask for food or help herself to drinks in the fridge, the other brother’s partner barely said hello and just went to the kitchen to help herself to snacks. I heard feedback from my husband that the food was excellent (people were going back for seconds) but no one from his family said anything to me and I was basically ignored in my own home for the day.
I decided that next time my husband wanted to host his family (apart from his mum who I would smother with love) I would have a spa day and leave them to it. Am I the Asshole for taking this stance? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
HWR3EiMUmpoMZGk78mrYGePhpFw2zTLO | aahdov | null | WIBTA in this AIRBNB Review | Okay so, for starters I am someone who does not like to put other people down or hurt people's feelings. *Because of my deep insecurity and constant need for validation from others which brings me to this post*.
So I just finished staying at this gorgeous airbnb. I totally would have given it 5/5 stars and left like a small review that said something like "would recommend!" but I experienced one inconvenience that made me see something subjectively wrong with the place imho.
So I rated it 5/5 on all the options but 4/5 on check-in. I also want to leave this for the airbnb users to see as well in case someone else might feel the same way.
"I wanted to give a perfect score because there were so many great things about staying at Zhenwei's. But I did have two issues.
Positives:
This is an excellent location. It is relatively close to the metro and this place is located in an adorable. neighbourhood that had a great patisserie nearby we loved and other essentials within 5 minutes.
The place was very clean when we arrived. The kitchen was great and well stocked with dishes and cookware. Loved the induction stovetop. There was also a cereals, yogurt, and milk that was put aside for guests. :)
By far my favourite part of the place and why I booked it, is how stylish it is! The pictures are 100% accurate. But the couch and bed were also comfortable too.
Throughout booking and our stay, Zhenwei's responses were always very fast. He was reliable in that way.
This place would be great for a couple or one person too!
So-sos
I am not someone who likes to nitpick but I had slightly different expectations. The biggest problem was that check-in was not as simple as I would have liked. The key was a bit hard to retrieve from its secret location. It took us about five minutes to get into the place. Then, after our 6 hour flight and 1.5 hour train rides, notably cranky and tired, we couldn't find the piece of paper with the wifi password on it. There was transportation information laid out but the wifi paper was placed on top of the fridge, the only place we didn't look. We had to go out and find free wifi in order to message Zhenwei for instructions on where to find it. It also felt really uncomfortable searching the place for it, which leads me to last issue.
This is not a real issue for everyone, but our lovely host definitely lives here while people aren't renting. A little bit of evidence that it is someone's home is what makes a bnb homey but as another previous reviewer said, it feels like you walked in after the owner left. I felt instrusive when trying to find the wifi because unlike other bnbs, the apartment is full of his stuff. His toiletries are in the bathroom, etc.
That all being said, these aren't major problems with staying here. He is super quick and responsive, these minimal issues could have been avoided if the wifi+misc info paper was in a clear location or if he had mentioned where it was. If you don't mind the fact that it feels like you're staying at a friend's place and less like a guest apartment, then it would be a 5/5 for you."
Would I be a nitpicky asshole for leaving this review, or giving helpful feedback?
Thanks Reddit
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
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"OTHER": 3,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
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} | RIGHT |
C4LKGftyHkehjOaQdtADbaMw99RIxB0A | a1k4kt | {
"description": "telling family member (BIL of sister I don't really speak to) not to come back to work after he called out sick on his third day",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA For telling family member (BIL of sister I don’t really speak to) not to come back to work after he called out sick on his third day? |
Basically, I have a business and always hire seasonal help. I heard that my BIL was out of work. I don’t really speak to my sister because she’s really dysfunctional and was abusive in childhood. I have forgiven her, I just don’t want her in my life. Anyway, I heard from another family member that her husband was out of work. I offered him a job. Day one was ok. Day two he was negative and complained he wasn’t feeling well. Today he texted and said he couldn’t come, which left me in a bind because I took last night off (working 16-18 hours a day to keep up right now) and was expecting him today. He offered to come in on Friday but I said no thanks because I need dependable people, but thanked him for giving me a help for a couple of days. I then went to his house and dropped off some money to help him out. No one answered and when I texted to let him know I put money in his door, he still hasn’t texted. I don’t mind helping people, but I’m serious about my business and what I expect from employees. I mean, AITA here? I feel like a thank you text would have been nice. I wasn’t rude when I basically fired him and did thank him. Frustrating! | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
C0Z0V2AjZ7TwmDY6EFum6J3nXDp67Jl6 | b6xeok | {
"description": "lying about being a Navy seal",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 32
} | AITA for lying about being a Navy SEAL? | To preface: I’m not sure if this belongs in this sub but it’s a dilemma that I can’t stop obsessing over.
I’m currently active duty Navy serving with a small boat team out of Coronado. My job is basically to drive fast boats with big guns. The training pipeline I had to go through is very similar to the SEAL pipeline, but it’s obviously not the same. I was at a bar a week or two ago when I was approached by a woman. We struck up a friendly conversation and she asked me if I was a service member (seeing as I have a USN anchor tattooed on my forearm) and I replied yes. She asked me what my rating was and I told her that I’m a special warfare operator (I’m not) to impress her. She got skeptical and started questioning me about all this SEAL shit (apparently her ex boyfriend was a SEAL) and I decided it was too late to backpedal and decided to keep up the lie, since I knew all the answers to her questions, having worked with SEALs. Eventually she got really frustrated and I told her she was acting bitchy so we both left.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 31,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 32
} | WRONG |
wMvSHxNnZUjPMU2yhcc1PCHR0nt3oHTi | b4qg2u | {
"description": "not wanting to hang out with an old friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to hang out with an old friend? | My old friend and I were only friends because we were both bullied. Ever since we have hung out (age 8) she has only ever said negative things about other people and never really talked about nice things or things we both like. She was angry at me a year ago because I wouldn’t make plans to meet with her.
I didn’t want to, whenever we hang out she is just rude about her other friends and acquaintances and
I always have been her friend through thick and thin. Her mother used to beat her and I’d be there all the time, she hasn’t been the best of friends and she has always been so horrible about other people. I’ve tried to stick by her but now I cannot see why I should due to the fact she’s so horrible about her friends! If she is this awful about other friends... I am worried what she says about me.
TLDR; should I be friends with my childhood best friend even though she’s really mean about everybody she knows?
Sorry if this is a bad explanation.
I think I am the asshole. She had a bad upbringing, and thus deserves a good friend. Even though this happened however, she is emotionally abusive towards her boyfriend. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
zYbEIv9IR2zrBK6ALl4FRGjos4rkdddX | b43ip7 | {
"description": "silently fighting over the thermostat with my coworker",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for silently fighting over the thermostat with my coworker? | We work in a city which is known to have a cooler climate than the surrounding area, due to the topography, and it's been a bitter winter so I've been dressing in layers to stave off the cold while I'm out, but we have a big wall-mounted heater unit, so my innermost layer has been pretty much just comfy t-shirts. And recently I got a flesh wound on my shoulder and have been wearing sleeveless blouses to keep from bothering it while it heals.
Now, you might be thinking I'm the one turning the heat up, but no. I'm the one turning it down. I get into the office and it's a vaguely chilly 64-68F. I prefer 72F but I can deal with 60-78. My coworker comes in 30 minutes after me, which gives me enough time to acclimate to the room and be comfy. She takes up to an hour to really settle in, during which time she's in and out, doing whatever work she needs to do away from her desk.
When she finally does settle in, she turns the heater on. I'm fine with it for a little while; like I said, it's vaguely chilly. She turns it on high though so when I'd been overheating for a while I would go over and announce, "I'm just gonna turn this down, it's getting really hot." She doesn't say anything, so I put it to low. It's still a bit hot, but not getting hotter, so I deal with it.
But then about 20 minutes later, she turns it back up again. I can open my window to regulate my space, but it's loud outside the office and part of my job requires taking customer orders over the phone. It's gotten to the point where I just go turn it down when I can without saying anything.
I don't get it. She's from the area, and wearing sweaters. I'm from one of the warmer surrounding areas, and wearing short / no sleeves. But who am I to decide how cold she is? But then, who is she to force the whole office to sit in 74° dry heat just because her clothes aren't warm enough?
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
YwYXwowLwbq9gBt6Q3GBDQ32o74pYiHz | b8tbe8 | {
"description": "not letting a former addict join my friends and I for game night",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for not letting a former addict join my friends and I for game night? | So my friends and I meet up once a week for game night to play various table top games. We were at another friend's house and my friend asked when we were meeting up this week, this other guy we know overheard us talking and joined in and exclaimed how much he's always wanted to play DnD and asked if he could join us. We let him know that our current campaign is reaching it's end so joining now would be kind of pointless and that we have a few more people wanting to join our next game.
This guy (let's call him Jim) has always been very nice and from every encounter I've had around him he's never done anything for me personally to not trust him. When we were talking he mentioned that he was a former meth head (I could tell by his teeth that he was but I wasn't going to mention it because there was no reason to) but he put that life behind him. He still drinks and smokes weed which isn't a problem for me but him being a former addict makes me not want to associate with him just from personal past experiences with some family members.
I mentioned to my friend that I wouldn't feel comfortable if he joined us because we rotate between mine and his house for game night and I didn't want Jim in my house, my friend felt the same way and we agreed that if he asked that we would tell him that were full.
AITA for basically black listing this guy because of his past? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
prq3YuFYKomtk4VBgU2ea1P2w5ZqWc5U | axzjyt | null | AITA gf asks me to stop using steam due to controversial game coming out. | This morning my gf told me about this game on steam that's coming out that's about hurting women. Now I haven't done much looking into it but it sounds like a messed up game to me and the creator is trying to push the boundaries of what's okay to make and put on steam. So naturally my gf asked me to stop supporting a company that allows a game like this to be sold, my response as intelligent as it was was just "but how will I play my games?". I don't support this game or the content depicted in it but I don't feel like I should stop using steam cause steam is letting it be sold on the platform. What do you guys think? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 97,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 28,
"INFO": 3
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 125,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
JDtUSPzaRMcdrHIjRG42cdHl8v0vfqgN | 9ywm9a | {
"description": "telling my dad to fuck off",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my dad to fuck off? | So I am a 17 yo boy, and as a lot of 17 year old boys, I've never really had any serious relationships, and I still am a virgin. Now up until a few months ago, this really bothered me, but everyone was telling me that it was okay. So I decided to step on the path of self improvement, and that's when everyone turned around and started to badger me about getting a date. This has always been annoying but I could just do my own thing, until today.
My 18th birthday is coming up in less than a month, and so everyone has been asking me what I want, trying to make it special. My dad, in the previous years, has made an increasing amount of jokes about getting a prostitute for me, but I always brushed it off as a hurtful joke.
Today, however, I was upset, and said a swearword, which in my language means, "Ah, my dick", as a way of saying "Ah fuck", and that's when he went hostile, chastising me about being a virgin and wanting to propose me for a hooker again, and at that point I cut him off. I went home shortly after. The reality of the situation set in roughly 30 mins after I got home. I didn't want my mom (they don't live together) to know what's up, so I just sent him a message saying if he ever spoke to me like that again, I won't be nice about it.
I am not on especially good terms with either of my parents in personal matters, I just don't like to talk to them about it, hence why I didn't tell my mom. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Ogt5SGPsyglwihZB2kpNDqbU2FaLoduL | 9ueh3g | {
"description": "cutting things off",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for cutting things off? | Background: Met a girl off Tinder, and hit it off pretty well. She had some stuff going on involving being a unicorn for another couple and a weird situation with another guy resulting in police intervention, all of which happened before we dated but while we were initially talking. About 2 months into us dating she goes home with me to meet my parents as I live about 10 hours away from them. My parents and I don't have the best relationship but we grit and bear it for the sake of family. Girlfriend isn't happy with how I interact with them and tells me about it afterwards.
Fast forward to this month, things have been going okay, but not really the best. She recently was diagnosed with Bipolar and I said I needed to consider what that meant for us because any past relationships whether romantic or friendly involving Bipolar have disintegrated. She takes it offensively and I can understand why as I'm not being supportive of her diagnosis. This leads to her breaking up with me two weeks ago citing that she needs time to figure out what we are to one another. To me that seems reasonable because we're both having on and off feelings for each other. We agree that staying friends seems like a viable option while she figures out what she wants. She continues to talk to me telling me how she loves me and I tell her how I love her back. Meanwhile she is going out with other people including the couple from before which fine by me, we aren't dating. We wind up meeting up to talk about our situation and she tells me that she was just fooling around with these people to get my attention (or as my friend said: "make you jealous so you take her back"). I'm not the kind of person that gets jealous and I took it that she wanted to move on.
Now for the part that got me going, since she is now at my place and her phone is dead she asks me if she can use mine. I agree and go take a shower. She asks me questions regarding a friend that I have and whether or not I've started seeing said friend romantically. I've made it very clear prior that the friend was just a friend, because girlfriend was very insecure about her. Girlfriend informs me that she read my messages between me and my friend and that she doesn't think we are just friends. I tell her that she has broken my trust and that I don't think we should go back to dating because I can't date someone I don't trust. Girlfriend has made it clear she doesn't want to be "just friends" and I feel like I can't date her, so am I the asshole for thinking I should cut tail and run? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
TWx78wrE3CvSXItI8iclWZleSI1FHsIU | b6phfz | {
"description": "breaking up with my girlfriend due to her inability to have sex",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend due to her inability to have sex? | We've been together for almost 2 years. She's 23 and I'm 24 now. We had great compatibility in the sense that we could handle decision making and disagreements maturely while also being silly and adventurous together. Soulmate material, right? Unfortunately, throughout the 2 years, we never had penetrative sex.
In the first few months of us dating, she tried to have an IUD insertion, but it was unsuccessful. We figured that it was one of those common situations where a woman that never had sex needs time for her vagina to adjust to penetration so that the pain can go away over time.
She was still in university while I've graduated a year ago. We would go on dates almost every weekend, but often didn't have the opportunity to engage in anything sexual because we would end up at her parents' house, so the most we could sneak in is a makeout session. I honestly didn't mind all of this that much, she was my first girlfriend and our relationship was mostly great otherwise. Sure, I had a healthy libido, but I could take care of myself. During that first year, we also had problems with finding the right condoms so that delayed things further. We were having outercourse when we had a place to ourselves, however rarely.
In year 2, she moved in with me for the second half of it, and that's where we could really start to make consistent progress since we would be at each other's disposal almost every day!... minus the period weeks, and minus when she just didn't feel like it since her libido was much lower than mine. She tried to practice self penetration with fingers and a small dildo. She made some progress in being able to fit things in a few inches without it being super painful. It wasn't really enough for sex though. She thought she might have endometriosis, so she went to her doctor. The visits, which were spread over a few months due to how busy her doctor was, didn't result in anything conclusive.
After a year and a half of being patient, I was starting to lose that patience. I didn't see any hopeful signs that we would be able to have sex anytime soon. I also felt like she wasn't prioritizing this problem enough by escalating her doctor visits and seeing more specialists. She was busy and stressed with finishing up school, dealing with her family, and then looking for a job. I empathized with that, so I kept giving her more time. Eventually, close to the end of year 2, we had one of our many "heart-to-heart" conversations where we discussed our situation and how she feels that she is holding me back from experiencing a "normal" relationship where the couple can have "normal" sex. I also expressed that I'm running out of patience and just don't see an end to this struggle in our near future. We both agreed that she should move back in with her parents at the end of the month and that we should break up, but remain friends. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 12,
"INFO": 2
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
QehSmDiy3Zd0NiXcGButi7ZtuSrqZ8bc | aloh1r | {
"description": "refusing to borrow my brother money to help a friend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For refusing to borrow my brother money to help a friend? | Earlier tonight I had gotten into a bit of a loud back and forth with my brother over lending his friend money. First I should start by saying I am already owed over $700 from him that I'm yet to see a dime of.
This friend of his had decided to fly to Pennsylvania to meet with someone she has been told cut out for months. She gets there and all there plans fall apart and she is left stranded with only a small amount of money. As expected she has gone to my brother hoping to receive money for a flight back. Now I should mention that my brother has been manipulated by her in the past and everyone who knows her either despises her completely or just tolerates her. Whenever something bad happens to her, she has always had someone to bail her out. With that said, I feel like by lending the money I only allow the problem to get worse. Meaning she wont learn from her mistakes like this, and my brother will continually enable her feel as if shes done nothing wrong. Am I in the wrong here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
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up0Jhz9RxT00J1ppw78W2cfehwqWltBP | b3ltwa | {
"description": "throwing \"organic waste\" (chicken bones, orange peels, etc.) out the window while I'm driving",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 41
} | AITA for throwing "organic waste" (chicken bones, orange peels, etc.) out the window while I'm driving? | Not sure if "organic waste" is the best way to put it, but it is the best I can come up with.
It was something that I was raised doing. My grandfather always told me that animals could eat it so it wasn't littering. Littering was more compared to throwing plastic or inedible waste, which all made sense to me. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 41,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 41
} | WRONG |
4yRzfQihuGXgUClUjK8UOXVOtU2MLmqK | azk54o | {
"description": "not forgiving and forgetting",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not forgiving and forgetting? | After I turned 18 my 4 other siblings were put up for adoption. My mother has completely changed and has tried so hard for the last 3 years to get my siblings back. Demon Child (DC) has stopped her at almost every turn. I am the oldest and she is one of the middle children (number 3/5). She was 14 when they were taken and was put into a foster home with my 2 youngest siblings. Within 6 months, she was acting out to them all the time, which was understandable given the situation. She was diagnosed as Bi-Polar and would constantly run away or fake life-threatening situations. They ended up putting her in a group home for a while before giving her back to my mother. While she was with my mother, she got away with EVERYTHING and if she didn’t, she would threaten mom with things like child abuse.
Every time mom would come close to getting the other kids back DC would do something drastic to stop it. She would quit taking her meds all the time just because she felt like it. She would also steal money, or the car and skip school or go out with friends and not come back for days at a time. She eventually dropped out of school all together. Once she pulled a knife on mom just to get the car keys. I hold a lot of resentment for her because the only chance I had to see my siblings again was when mom got them back.
A little over a year ago my SO and I got pregnant with our first baby. 2 months later, she “surprisingly” got pregnant too. She also actively changed her appearance to look exactly like me. To the extent of perming her straight hair, dying it my color, wearing glasses she doesn’t need, and talking about DIMPLE SURGERY. When she had her baby, she made my mother take care of it while she ran off and still only returns a couple hours a week. She won’t give up parental rights though because ‘she’s too arrogant’ (her words). She’s pretended to change so many times, but has never lasted more than 2 weeks. Now she’s 19 and my mom got the kids back a few months ago and she has ALREADY influenced my younger sister (4/5) to go off her meds and drop out of school too. Yet since she had a baby and mom got the kids back, everyone else is fine with her and just watches what they say/do around her, except for me since I cut her off completely. I get lectured constantly about how I should stop being judgmental, holding grudges, hating her and just make up but I think that’s ridiculous! I don’t want to be anywhere near her! I believed DC so many times when she said she was going to change. I helped DC out and supported her so much. And I was the one who had to be strong for my mom and pick her up every time DC pulled her bull. I listened to mom cry, cried with her, missed out on 3 years with my siblings, and had to pull the family back up every single time DC tried to tear it down. But now since the family is back to normal, I am just supposed to forgive and forget, hoping she won’t pull her sh\*\* again? WHAT? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
k63OdJprI2ifTk82QW2NZIuBSVjOLiKd | b29gwh | {
"description": "talking to his mother about an argument that we've been having",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 13
} | AITA for talking to his mother about an argument that we’ve been having? | I’ve been married for about two years now. It’s been amazing. I love him more than ever. I’m ready to start our family. I’ve talked to him about this and he’s been noncommittal about it for the most part. I know he wants kids too, but he just keeps putting it off. His go to excuse is that he’s not where he wants to be at work and we should wait until we are better off financially.
He makes good money now. We wouldn’t exactly be destitute. I think he’s just nervous to pull the trigger and using money as an excuse. There’s never an exact right time to have a child. They’re chaos no matter what.
I get along with his mother. I’ve heard horror stories about monster mother in laws, but she’s great. When I was talking to her last I bring up that husband is putting off having a baby. I really just wanted to share my feelings about it.
My husband is furious that I talked to her about it. He says that this is between me and him and I shouldn’t have involved her. First off, disagree. She’s family and this will be her grandchild too. Second, I should be allowed to discuss my feeling with whoever I see fit. He thinks that I was just trying to get her on my side so that we could “gang up” on him. No one is ganging up on anyone.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 13,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 13
} | WRONG |
QjwlRvBqVhb62eiYOY0bKs3rDUxdqQW4 | b0h8xs | {
"description": "not returning my drywallers scaffolding",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not returning my drywallers scaffolding? | Hired a drywall crew for a house I build for myself (i'm not a contractor, just built my own house). He was nice, i liked him and they did a good job.
After the job was "done" they left some scaffolding they were going to come back to get. A week or two after they were done, i noticed that they missed a few things (didn't wrap all the way around a few openings and some random small things). i also fucked up a few things and needed some repairs. i texted the owner a couple times with no reply (it was how we communicated the whole time) so i contacted one of the employees and had them come fix it on the side. I paid them $1000 which was expensive but fair, few days of work all said and done. I told the owner i thought it'd be fair if we split the labor costs but never heard back. I still have the scaffolding and haven't offered it back but nor would i keep it from him if he asked for it. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
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} | RIGHT |
jeXaE7fTMDZnBJUX2PjSYqc0xG8Hbim7 | arvqss | {
"description": "breaking up with someone because of their best friend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for breaking up with someone because of their best friend | Sorry for the bad format I’m on mobile all the names below are made up
A few weeks ago I asked out a girl let’s say Chloe and her best friend Lily was devastated. Apparently she had a massive crush on me and was obsessed with me and it was all she would talk about to her friends. She knew my number plate where I lived pretty much everything. She started screaming at Chloe and refuses to talk to her. After a couple of dates with Chloe it wasn’t great and we didn’t really hit it off and all we thought about was Lily I told her what I thought and decided it was best to just stay friends. She clearly wasn’t happy about it but she wasn’t angry.
AITA for breaking up a not so meaningful relationship to save a best friends relationship | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
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} | RIGHT |
7Mjijt3XCKQeCm5iZwUJpI4o8OVQ2fEq | a9wuub | {
"description": "stopping being empathetic/sympathetic to a friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA because i stopped being empathetic/sympathetic to a friend? | So, I was friends with a former co-worker up until today, because apparently I bug her with trivial things, and "don't care that she has real problems going on".
So, I have a former co-worker (I'm a guy, she's a gal, yes, I'm the type of guy who doesn't mind female friends, no I'm not gay) who used to be quite mean to me, until all our other co-workers stopped liking her. She decided she was being unfairly mean to me, and tried to be my friend. Then, she left our work to work somewhere else. She still decided that we would be friends, and we would text/talk, but honestly, never hang out (we hanged out maybe once in 2 years).
Over these texts/talks, she basically would only complain to me about things in her life, and how horrible things were.
These items include:
- the death of her mother from suicide (<12 years ago).
- how her grandmother is old and she takes care of her, but because she does, she can't go out and have fun, like travel.
- her dog, which died of old age about a year ago (honestly, that is the most recent thing).
- her relationship with her boyfriend of 7 years, and how he didn't treat her right, then after they broke up, her new boyfriend who also didn't treat her right, and then how they broke up.
- pissed about her brother for pretty much anything.
- how people at her new job were mean to her, and old stories from our work, about people being mean to her.
Most of the time, I tried to be empathetic/sympathetic, but a few months ago, I just gave up paying attention to her talking because it was always the same old stuff (she's depressed about [insert topic from above]). Today, over text she got pissed at me for apparently ignoring her problems (her grandma is sick). She also stated that I never take anything seriously. I just said fuck it, and stopped responding to her texts and she said she can't be my friend anymore. Honestly, I was relieved, because I was tired of her bullshit, and how she would only talk to me whenever she was having a problem that she can't move past.
So, Reddit, am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
zQmXC6Vrz6SmaJCfqZhALvE68h9hZnyY | a2ynyg | {
"description": "not being excited for my sister-in-law's baby",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not being excited for my sister-in-law's baby? | Okay, strap in folks. You're in for a long ride.
In 2015, I started working in a family owned bakery. The owners were an older couple with a 28 year old son, A, that managed the place. The owners spend most of the year outside of the U.S. every year so A was the one running things. He was recently married to a seventeen year old girl, F. Late in the year, her brother, R, who was recently out of an abusive relationship and also recovering after the suicide of his best friend was drafted into managing the store because the manager,A, and his ridiculously young bride wanted a new life separate from his parents' business. He asked R to quit his job and take on the bakery as a favor to him so he could start his life. The owners were also planning their retirement, so this was their way to get a new manager who was still somewhat in the family since A wanted out. This new manager was loved by the staff and was brilliant at baking bread. The biggest change he made involved organization of our storage space, which wasn't updated since they opened and frankly, was a bit dangerous and unsanitary until that point.
I started dating R and things moved fast. Over the course of 2016, we got really attached and he's the love of my life. I can't imagine my future without him. He was completely in charge of the the bakery after a few months and things were going well. His salary was about $60,000. I was the head cake decorator and he was an excellent baker and we both worked full time. We made good money and planned our future. I loved my job. The old manager, A, moved on completely, and became a real estate agent. Although A had never worked hours like this, the owners insisted that R work 12 hour days, 6 days a week. He complied, but asked for 1 hour lunch breaks. This made him hated by the owners. In their country, that is not something a suboordinate asks for in the workplace.
When the owners came back, they spoke to R about his lunch breaks and told him to stop. He said he wouldn't give up that time as it was just a few hours out of his week. They also were furious about him reorganizing the storage space, as that made it hard for them to find things (although they spend most of their time out of the country) The owners talked about letting him go because of "different ideas about what work ethic means," so R went to A to reason with his parents about keeping his job. A got back to R by formally letting him go from the company and taking his old job as manager at the bakery back.
R and I got married in late 2017. I work part time in a retail store and his land development job is very low-paying and they can't even work on rainy days. We're both constantly looking for work but nothing really pays better here in a right-to-work state.
A and F on the other hand, are doing much better. A does both managing the bakery and real estate and openly talks about his money, always saying things like I plan to make 600k this year etc. He and F have bought 2 huge homes and A has literally totalled two BMWs in the past two years.
Anyway, A and F have had a baby and that's great. But I'm not hype. I spent two years at that bakery expecting a promotion and they never gave me that. R gave up his former pretty well-paying job to do A a favor in that stupid bakery. He worked there for over a year and the owners fired him for him eating lunch. (Also, the 60 year old owner was weirdly obsessed with me and was definitely mad R and I got together). A never tried to apologize for what happened. His parents did finally retire, and now he's hired a bunch of his friends to manage the place.
I don't think of this all too often I've kept my head down and dealt with my crippling money issues silently. I mean my life is mine and I'm happy with R. He's seriously the best person I've ever met. But with everybody ooh-ing and ah-ing over this rich little baby that is directly a product of stunting the plans I'd had, I'm so freaking mad. Seriously, seething with rage. They coerced R into taking the job by tempting him with that salary and then ripped it away. He had ideas, was bringing in new clientele, and he just really loved bread!
I'm NOT going to go over there to their basic, Crate and Barrel showroom house to see all the things they don't need but can afford AND a brand new baby that we probably won't be able to afford for another ten shitting years, while we struggle to pay rent, for food, and my student loan payment that isn't even worth anything since I can't even find a decent job.
I feel like I'm a bit all over the place, a little irrational, and just plain stupid. But am I an asshole?
Sorry for all of this but I'm mad.
| HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
s8zlrGVmMwWImpZHkKBM7vIKLLW5mgQy | 9t7qbb | {
"description": "changing the locks on a joint storage unit",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA If I changed the locks on a joint storage unit? | So, in September a lady that I do small clerical type jobs for asked me for a favor. I normally help her organize her things, she’s is a MAJOR hoarder of paper and antique furniture. She asked me if I would put a storage unit in my name for 30 days (30 days only cost $1, after that the price is $240 per month). She had been given a notice to remove refuse (old furniture) from the property that she’s renting or face eviction. I agreed. I added her as an authorized user for the unit. She payed me $20 for this favor. Well September was coming to a close and it was time for her to move her things out of the storage unit. September 26th she tells me that she needs me to be available September 29th to help with the storage removal and closing the account. I told her that I was unavailable to be present that day which was a Saturday. So, she said she would start it Saturday and finish it Sunday (30th) then I could close the account. I agreed. Well Friday the 28th she tells me that she has to drive a truck across country from California to New Jersey, so her daughter would be doing the moving for her. I just needed to close the account after the daughter was done moving. Sunday the 30th rolls around and I don’t hear from her. She never gave me her daughter’s number so I waited to hear from the lady or her daughter. She calls me at 6:11 pm on a 3 way call with her daughter. She asks me if I had called the storage company to let them know she would be moving out. Mind you, she’s an authorized user and she could’ve done this herself. I told her that I spoke to them earlier in the week but not over the weekend, but I had just arrived at my in laws house 85 miles from home and I couldn’t talk long, as we had a family emergency. She tells me that she has an emergency as well. LADY SAYS: “You were supposed to be available to close the account out today. I took the key with me so daughter couldn’t get into the unit and you are the only one that they will cut the lock for. You need to call them so that I don’t get charged.”
So, I said I would call back when I could talk. She sends me her daughter’s phone number so that I can coordinate with her (too little too late IMO). At the time that she called, the storage place was closed, it closed at 5 pm because it was Sunday. When I spoke to her daughter, the daughter admitted that she forgot about having to move out of the unit Sunday around 3 and when she got to the storage place she realized that she didn’t have a key. So we made a plan to try and keep from being charged the $240. I already knew it was I vain, but I humored her. She has blamed me the entire month because she cannot afford $240 for a storage unit. Well, she kept the unit for an ADDITIONAL 30 days. I told her last week that she would need to close out the account after she moved out. I cannot be there to do so, and since she is on the account, I do not need to be. She finally paid the past due balance on October 30th. She asked me several times when she needed to be out of the unit. I told her every specific detail.
“THE FINAL DAY TO MOVE AND MAKE A PAYMENT IS OCTOBER 31st. YOU MUST WALK INTO THE OFFICE WITHIN THE BUILDING TO CLOSE OUT THE ACCOUNT AT LEAST 15 MINUTES BEFORE THEY CLOSE. IF YOU DO NOT CLOSE OUT THE ACCOUNT, YOU WILL BE BILLED FOR ANOTHER MONTH. I DO NOT NEED TO BE PRESENT FOR YOU TO CLOSE THE ACCOUNT. YOU NEED TO DO IT.”
She got a major attitude and told me that I was full of excuses as to why I couldn’t be present. She also informed me today that she was on the road again delivering a truck somewhere and that she would TRY to make it back before they closed. I am beyond infuriated. I checked the online account and it has not been closed out, which means she probably didn’t make it back in time to move her things out.
If she doesn’t pay the $240 that’s now due November 1st, AITA if I have the storage company break the lock so that I can change it? If I am going to be stuck with a bill, I am going to try to sell whatever may still be there. I don’t think the storage company will restrict access because the current bill isn’t past due yet. I am afraid that she is going to take her stuff and ditch this second bill. She blames me for the account being open when I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH HER FAILURE TO MOVE!!
ANY other advice in this situation would be very helpful as well. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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} | RIGHT |
XKYDa4BsmyoLFra5TAFSPCL1xWAkyv4T | b7crc5 | {
"description": "buying my sister an album in exchange for house work and now she wouldn't hold up her end",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA I bought my sister an album in exchange for house work and now she wouldn’t hold up her end | About two weeks ago my sister came to me and asked me to buy her a new K-pop album. She usually comes for me for money because I have a job and our parents won’t give us any. I agreed and told her that she would have to do three weeks of dishes to pay me back $30. She also agreed to this.
One of the weeks included in a three weeks would’ve been spring break and now my sister and my stepmom are going on a trip instead of being home. The original agreement was if she would do the dishes till 6th of April (3 weeks from the purchase date) but she does not come home until 6th of April and she leaves tomorrow. I asked her if she would make up the days from when she was gone to continue the payment but she told me it was unfair because we only agreed till 6th April.
Am I an asshole for wanting her to do the dishes to make up for the time what she’s gonna be gone? She told me I could just leave them for her when she gets back but I don’t want my house smelling disgusting while she’s gone. I asked my stepmom but she told me because she wasn’t there for the original agreement she can’t help me
Summary: I bought an album for my sister and she said that she would do the dishes for three weeks to repay me but now she’s going on vacation during the time she was supposed to be doing the dishes so she’s not doing them nor making up the time | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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} | RIGHT |
ZzsJ37d9VfosRKsX5bIvubvTLZraY1nL | a8qqhv | {
"description": "being in an poly relationship, but not allowing my girlfriends to have sex with other guys",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA? I'm in an poly relationship, but dont allow my girlfriends to have sex with other guys. | I'm in a poly relationship. Im seriously dating two women. Who I would marry i would. We all live together. They are bu but dont have a relationship with each other they dont find each other attractive but are best friends. They both have flings off tinder with other girls 90% of the time they dont see the girl more then once the other 10% they see for at most a month. Now they both see a girl every other week or so. Usually ever other weekend. They talked it through set it up so they would basically swap weekends.
I'm rambling now. So I'll try to move on.
Now I got into poly when i was about 18. I was dating a girl who i loved more then anything. She was great but always wanted to have other partners. Took me a while to agree. But eventually we agreed to til she started talking about another guy I told her to cut it off and I dont want her sleeping with him again. She got upset but agreed. I didnt like their fling because we said never talk about or other partners. Well she said she wanted to change a rule and we should tell each other about our partners. I reluctantly agreed. So we talked about all our partners. I flet a little guilty after hearing shes been with about 5 other guys in the 6 months we opened our relationship. Cause I had been with basically 4x the amount give or take. She was extremely upset. Literally the next day I come over to her dorm as she asked. And shes getting fucked by this guy. I literally threw up. Broke up with her that instant. Never spoke to her again. Even though she tried really hard. I didnt care. Didnt date anyone till I met my current girlfriends. That was like 2 years after the breakup.
Another commenter told me it wasnt healthy that I didnt want my girlfriends to fuck other guys. They have never asked me to. And I said when we started this relationship that I wouldn't want them too. They both said they never even thought about another guy. And to be honest I dont sleep with other girls without one of them being there. So I'm not sleeping with anyone else but them. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 10
} | WRONG |
tckW922XMsIfgFhXig1Lg00Jt7AkNJgJ | a8q58d | {
"description": "telling my mom she's not my mother",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 22
} | AITA for telling my mom she’s not my mother? | I currently attend college and have a job at an after school program. I also live with my mother and younger sister who works at a fast food restaurant.
My mother has made it clear time and time again that she will no longer help me with adult problems. Which is why I do not have health or car insurance at the moment. And since all of my belongings are in her house, she expects me to give her $150 of each of my $370 paychecks.
Currently since the school district is on Winter break, I have two weeks to hang out with my friends who are back from various colleges/unis and my SO who leaves Monday for Mexico, he won’t be back til after New Year.
Anyways, my mom told me that in order for me to leave the house I needed to clean my room and the kitchen. I planned to leave early in the morning to my SO’s house to have a full day of hanging out. So I cleaned very late at night and decided to not do dishes so I didn’t risk waking up my light sleeper of a mom.
And instead I:
-Cleaned my room
- Cleaned the bathroom and its mirror
- Took out the bathroom trash
- Took out the trash from the trash can
- Fed the cats, dog, and my leopard gecko
- Cleaned the living room which was a disaster thanks to my sister
- and even washed some of my clothing
Once I finished, and patted myself on the back, I took off to my SO’s house. No too long after I got an unhappy text from my mother. She was disappointed that the kitchen was still a mess even though my sister was the reason it was a gross mess in the first place.
I decided I had enough. My mother does not help me in any way. I pay to live there and I never eat the food in the house because there is none. We are a struggling family. I take care of myself and my SO who doesn’t have a job, he only attends college.
I told my mom everything I did to clean and that I no longer wanted to come home for Christmas. Every year Christmas is the same, my aunt and my cousin’s grandmother only take interest in what my cousin has to say. They adore her and all I get in conversation is a “Hi, how are you.” Before the conversation is focused back on my cousin.
Which is only worsened by the fact my mother only talks about my sister and I to them when it’s about negative things. Every Christmas I feel neglected and uncared for.
My mother told me to grow up, and that I needed to give her positive things to say. She also told me that she would take any money they intended on giving me and tell them to return all presents they had for me.
I’m a college kid who’s working hard to help those around me. I’ve asked for nothing all year, and don’t even desire Christmas presents. All I wish for is my mother to buy the proper medicine for our dog who is growing older and older. I’ve not been to jail or even messed around with drugs. I’m decent at college and I’m fucking great at my job. I may not be an all star child but she’s starting to make me feel like trash.
I told her that she isn’t my mother, and quite frankly I never want to see her again.
TL;DR - My mother got mad that I didn’t clean the entire house and told me that I needed to grow up and become a better child even though I’ve never asked her for any help or thing and I give her $300 every month for rent. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 14,
"OTHER": 17,
"EVERYBODY": 8,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 22
} | WRONG |
aLU0X371pz5eYrx0ZQvs7eNYdQXYzNV2 | akrfxr | {
"description": "being frustrated with my manager",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for being frustrated with my manager? | When I was hired I told them I had a difficult schedule because I work another job and go to school full time. They said no problem they would work with me. So every week a manager texts or calls me and I tell them my availability for the week. I have never been on the official hard schedule. So suddenly things have changed and no one told me. I don’t have a problem being on the schedule. My problem is that no one notified me they were changing it for me. And also I checked and I’m still not listed on the schedule....
[text exchange with manager](https://imgur.com/gallery/0xWicWm?s=sms) | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
FkaWFslcsjk4wSxnerTE6HsYQmF1vDpj | b76ioe | {
"description": "giving a fake number",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for giving a fake number?? | I was at a party the other night with my family and as we were chatting, this random person came up to us wanting to talk. Okay, we think, we’ve had this happen already what’s this guy have to say. As he’s talking, I just think something’s... off. He only talks about his interest in D&D and how anti social of a person he is, how glad he’s found someone like me, who looks so nice to talk to. This sets alarm bells off in my head and when he leaves (barely asking anything about me or my family despite coming up to talk to us) I tell my family how uncomfortable I feel. They brush it off, saying he might be autistic, and as an autistic person myself, I should understand and sympathize with his plight of talking to others.
So the night continues and I’m watching this guy from across the room. He’s grooming his mother and as I walk up to get food (which is coincidentally right near where he is sitting) I hear him say something along the line of “I made a girlfriend. (Points to me) There she is.”
Significantly creeped out, I hurry back to my family, and the night goes on as normal until the guy from earlier comes up asking for my number so we can “keep in touch.” I panicked and tried to get out of it, but my parents were adamant I give my number to him, so I gave him one that sounded like mine but wasn’t. He walked away before I could get his. My siblings found out and are calling me an ass for not being understanding to this guys feelings, saying that I’m an awful person, and it’s really worrying me. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 17,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 19,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
V7qHiupUWsadnTFcon3qKES3tPc2zEbz | azh7y1 | {
"description": "being mad at my boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for being mad at my boyfriend? | I'm currently in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend. He's currently on spring break from college. All of his friends bailed on him except one. He was offered to stay with one of his friend's house in New York. The problem? His friend's a girl. He's never given me any reasons not to trust him. I don't trust females however. He's made statements in the past that some of his female friends call him, "dad" or "daddy" because of his responsible nature. I don't feel good about that. I haven't told him how I feel about the situation because I've been in controlling, abusive relationships before and I don't want to tell him what he can or can't do. I think it's highly inappropriate to sleep at the opposite sexes house if you're in a relationship. AITA for being mad at him or am I just being insecure? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
UQERCBSv8PVDvDktgcb8GmrE3dXbAp4v | ayy4bn | {
"description": "telling someone that using someone else to hurt me is wrong",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling someone that using someone else to hurt me is wrong? | So there is this coworker of mine that I asked out a while ago and she turned me down. I was fine really and I understand why she turned me down at the time. Eventually a sort of banter developed between us and it was kind of fun to be honest. Then she asked out one of my friends right in front of me which I just kind of smiled and said it seemed like I broke some ice for them. I hear from my friend that he couldn't believe that I was so chill about it. He also started acting intimidated when I was around. I began suspecting that it was fake and just to mess with me but I thought I was crazy and probably just a little jealous so I wanted to believe that. Then I hear from my friend that it was to mess with me but now they are legit going out. I was a little upset and confused that she wanted to mess with me that much but I didn't say anything. Eventually I hear that she is working night shift and can't find time to go out. Then I find out that this is a lie to avoid him. She stops talking to her best friend at the the same time over this issue. It does blow over and they break up eventually. Recently the entire incident comes up and she is shocked that I learned everything. I tell her that I don't care about what she tried to do to me, but I do care that she lied and hurt my friend. I told her I thought she was more mature than that and I expected better. I also said that I don't like her less or anything, I just don't like what she did. I specifically had this talk in private as well. I didn't say anything to anyone else but I find out she tried to turn other people against me. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
izs54aagsEpJ0Ygz5kRg2D7bU2EE6cQ6 | b9ii97 | {
"description": "telling a trusted friend another friend asked me for nudes",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling a trusted friend another friend asked me for nudes? | I (f16) was asked for nudes from my close friend (m18) who I think of as a brother. He brought it up as a complete joke, and since we have joke flirted with each other in the past (of course he knows it is a joke, we've discussed an actual relationship in the past and he decided he did not want it, and I was in a committed relationship at the time this was asked of me), I didn't think much of it. Suddenly, he seems a bit pushy on this joke. I tell him to drop it as he surely doesn't actually want them. To which he asks if I would be upset if he did. He said it would be pretty hot, and I declined. He asked if it would still be a no if he paid me, I told him I did not want to do anything of the sort, especially at this age. He kept badgering me about it until I eventually told him to not text me anymore about this and turned very cold towards him. He later apologized (more for my reaction than his behavior tbh) and I accepted.
However, this encounter left a cold feeling in my gut. I was currently in my first relationship, and this ask left me to wonder if I was seen as the type of girl who would send nudes to pretty much any guy who asked. If I had somehow built up a reputation of that sort (not a bad thing but a. illegal at my age and b. I was raised very traditionally and am still following the belief of waiting until marriage). I reached out to a trusted individual about the scenario and she assured me he was just being gross. I felt better about myself.
Fast forward a month and a few friends (the boy and girl mentioned previously included) and I are hanging out and, skipping over unimportant details, I ended up making a joke he was a pervert (as we all do to each other, this is not a rare joke), and my friend I had reached out to laughed really hard. He looked at the two of us suspiciously, and quickly leaves. I didn't suspect much of it, and I get home and check my phone, and I have a message from him.
"Sorry I trusted you with an odd request, it wont happen again" and then he proceeds to block me over every form of communication we share.
This boy was my best friend for over a year, was it my fault the friendship was terminated? AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 19,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 19,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
4BPfsAYhKAJ9YIys2CXd3MCkz6RZfD0E | asp0qf | {
"description": "trying a new game",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for trying a new game | Tldr at the bottom
So a few months ago I came to the group of friends that I play dungeons and dragons with and offered a new system to play. This new system is more number crunchy and than d&d so I offered to read the whole manual (close to 600 pages) ahead of character creation (referred to as CC) to get a better understanding of the new rules. After reading the manual I decided if I was going to be the game master that I should create a small one shot to introduce everyone to the new mechanics. This whole situation takes place in about 3 to 4 weeks
A couple of days pass as I take the time to read and create the upcoming game. At our usual d&d sessions I request that some of the guys take the time to read the player's portion of the manual (section is about 20-30 pages) so they aren't blind sided by new rules for CC. I send everyone some pdfs of the portions they should take a look at and they all tell me they will read the passages. Several weeks pass and each group session we have I ask them if any had read it and of course none of them had. Each time I spoke to them I warned them that this new system is more complicated and would take some time for all of us to adjust to it. But I get reassured by all of them that they will read the sections I gave them.
The day finally comes around and of course every player is blindsided by new rules aside from one. As I focused on learning the mechanics of playing the game I realized I could've spent more time on CC, but I assumed my warnings would be enough to encourage other players to read their sections. So CC goes much slower than I would've wanted and everyone is slightly frustrated. Thankfully I had the one player who had a thorough understanding CC. So we continue on into the one shot I created and everyone is having a great time or at least it seemed that way to me.
But the next time our group gets together for my game several of the players don't show up without any warning. Whatever, it happens so we continue on with our game and all is well. A little irked the next time we get together for d&d I ask what the issue is and they all say they don't quite understand the rules so they opted to stay out to not slow down the game. I reminded them that I told them to read before we started and that I would help them along so we could all play, but I conceded to taking a break from my game so we could focus on our d&d game.
Time passes and I ask if we are ready for my game again. So the one player that actually read the CC portion I sent then respondes with:
"yeah play a game where I know more about the game than the dm? No thanks"
Kind of blind sided I look to the other players and they either don't acknowledge the exchange or nod in agreement.
Tldr: warned players to read manual for new game only one does. The one that does has a better understanding of character creation than me. One player says he knows the whole game more than me. All players then decide they don't want to play | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
3P5tQEHUclKZZaWRWOMcfsZyShv3ZFas | ak9tp3 | {
"description": "not helping warning someone about a health issue",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA? I can't help warning someone about a health issue. | AITA? I have a condition called Ehlers-Danlos syndrome. Its not well understood by most doctors so typically people with this condition rely on each other to better understand it and its treatment. I've met a lot of people online with the condition via groups where we ask questions and exchange advice
There is one girl I've met who has a strong personality. In all honesty she seems like a huge SJW. I've seen her almost bully people that she claimed were ableist or sexist when they really weren't. She seems to like being a victim if that makes sense. I don't know if that is what she was doing here though.
Well she seems to often get medical issues that I've had a few years earlier. As usual her doctors rarely know what's wrong or are confident that they can fix it despite a lack of understanding. If I can share a possible answer to her issues I share, as do many others. She often took offense to this sometimes although I never understood why. We wouldn't diagnose her or say what to do. We would just share similar experiences and just share ideas for her to discuss with doctors which is what these groups are for. I now leave her alone and try to respect her.
One day she announced that she was looking into a surgery to fix a knee problem that we share. I nearly had this exact surgery for the same reasons a few years ago. Thankfully a doctor stopped it. Ever since, many doctors have said that I'd have likely lost a lot of function in my legs if I'd not been saved by that careful doctor. My condition makes the surgery horribly unsafe.
Every time this girl posted about it I told her about this and begged her to at least get certain tests to see if it was safe for her. She always refused and said that her doctor understood this condition. He clearly didn't well enough if he was willing to do this surgery without testing her first. She would post an update every few months btw.
She got angry at me every time and had some friends bully me over it online. Oddly I was labelled as an ableist. I didn't mind really as I didn't take it personally and expected it. I tried to be as polite as possible whenever I did this and explained that I was scared for her. I would just say my thing then stop as I didn't want to pester.
Well she got the surgery a year later and it went as expected. She's having a terrible recovery and things are going bad even sooner than expected. I'm worried about her future. We both have limited use of our legs and she may now have none pretty soon.
I want to be respectful towards her but I struggle with guilt. If I didn't do everything I could to change her mind I would have blamed myself a little for holding back. I'd wonder 'what if I could have stopped this fate?'. I'm glad I didn't stop for my own mental health as I'd struggle to live with this. Is this somewhat selfish? Does that make me an arse? I'm not sure what the right thing to do was. Leave her to make a possibly life changing mistake as a 19yo or annoy her with the hopes of her requesting some tests before her surgery? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
IE8FyeRC0KhUYwHmlGSxbxxPdzVu76ie | adxnor | {
"description": "falling out with a best friend who said I need more friends",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for falling out with a best friend who said I need more friends? | So, I'll start with some back story...
Me and the friend have known each other for about 3 years and are on the same uni course so we typically see each other quite a lot and became pretty close over the time. During this time we've obviously done quite a few things together outside of classes, like pretty much weekly coffee's/going out for a drink ect. For her last birthday, upon hearing she would be spending it alone, I took her out for a nice meal and a few drinks because i know she would have been upset doing nothing for it (and i would sorta expect something similar back if the roles happend to be reversed - because we're close friends). Now i know you don't enter a friendship with expectations of what to get out of it but i feel as though its been pretty one sided and I give a lot more than I get back.
I could also go on about the many occasions where shes vented to me for hours on end about things that are bothering her, or the amount of times I've helped her out with things, but, i feel as though that's just part of being someones friend, right? You're supposed to be there for them?
Onto the situation/s... so this friend knows I've got pretty bad social anxiety (so i don't have many friends) and ongoing depression that exacerbated by the winter period, and i also have my birthday on the Chirstmas eve (i could go on a whole rant about why this sucks but the main thing that bothers me is that no one ever has the time for me because of Christmas, i know this is sorta selfish to think, but if one of my friends birthdays were constantly over shadowed by the biggest holiday of the year i'd definitely try do something for them).
Anyway a week prior to my birthday she recalls us going out for hers and says she'll do something with me for it, a week goes by, hear nothing more of it, surprise surprise, it doesn't happen. (my other 'best friend' also said we'd do something and nothing came of that either) but this isn't the main thing that bothers me, like i understand everyone's busy and its childish to just assume i should be everyone priority. The part that bothered me about this situation is that she phoned me on my birthday, not to say happy birthday, but just to vent about how her boyfriends an asshole (as if this hasn't been obvious for months..) and that he had canceled their plans for Christmas. So I calm her down and tell her i'll change my plans for the next day and she could come round to mines if she liked, to which she agreed. The next day she came round, we got drunk, it was a fun night. (I should clarify, whilst i was a bit upset she didn't say happy birthday, i understood she was preoccupied, so it didn't bother me much then)
here's the part that got to me though, so in the run up to new year i asked all my friends (like all 3 of them - none of them know the others) what they were doing for it, their plans ect, and everyone told me theirs but no one even asked me mines. New year comes and goes with me spending it alone in my flat, feeling depressed af, and wondering why i always seem so prepared to go out of my way for my friends, yet they wont even ask what i'm doing for new year, and the only 'happy new years' i got were in responses back. So 2 days after the new year, the friend mentioned above finally decides to ask what i done for new year, and upon telling her i spent it alone, all she replied with was "you need more friends hahaha\*laughing face\*".
(and this is the part where i feel i may have turned into the asshole)
This really just totally set me off, i replied saying "or maybe just better ones"
She then seemed really offended by my reply and asked if i was referring to her with more laughing faces,
I explained i wasn't exclusively referring to her, but yeah the shoes fits,, i asked her to imagine that, if when she had phoned me on birthday, how she would have felt if my reply had been similar to hers there, and finished it up with 'go fuck yourself'.
She then said that she doesn't understand and that she wasn't intending to come across as a cunt (her words not mine), but i replied by telling her to go find some new friends (petty i know).
To make things worse upon her telling me to chill the fuck out, i just started ranting, and said she would understand if she ever took head out of her arse long enough for her to see things how they really are (and then doubled down on the self-absorbed insults, rich from me i know).
So ultimately i'm having a hard time deciding weather i was the asshole for over reacting like that, or if their the asshole by being so inconsiderate in the first place.
And whilst i do agree with her, i could do with more friends, what good are more friends of the same caliber if the friends i have don't ask me to do anything anyway and it feels as though i make most the effort?
Thanks in advance for your opinions.
&#x200B;
(sorry its so long and apologies for any spelling mistakes/long winded sentences)
&#x200B; | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
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} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
3f12UGLaLL8wNrwyrAbTXSuQ0ylD9yNn | acqi63 | {
"description": "now wanting to go to the movies with my girlfriend and her entire family",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For now wanting to go to the movies with my girlfriend and her entire family | For context my girlfriend and I are 15 at this point and had been dating for a couple months. All during our one together she would keep dropping hints about how she ants to grow old together and how serious she wanted to be. This freaked me the u k out at he time as I was just looking for a casual high school girlfriend and not something so serious (I know I sound like a dickhead but I was just a kid and had a serious amount of schoolwork to do). She would always talk about her older sisters (19) boyfriends and how they perfectly inter grated into her family and how he would always stay over for dinner. I knew what she was saying, and it honestly scared me as her parents are always “testing” me and I’m a naturally aquward person.
We had been to he movies 1 on 1 a couple times by now and we both had fun each time, but one day she asked if I would like to go on a date wit her and her entire family. I’m talking both sets of grandparents and parents, all her siblings and her siblings partners. I had only met her sister and her parents and this was definitely not the way I wanted to meet the rest of the family.’ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
mwQUliRy0itPhASoLqZBdYI4WyCOyqIH | ao2ybz | {
"description": "being angry after my best friend cancelled on me for her boyfriends brother",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for being angry after my best friend cancelled on me for her boyfriends brother. | Soo first post and on mobile but I really have to get some objective opinions on this.
So yesterday my best friend and I had planned to meet up. I have been going trough some personal shit and really needed support and was looking forward to seeing her. We planned this a week or so in advance. So about half an hour before we decide to meet up she canceled on me because she just discovered that she had to go to her boyfriends brothers birthday, which was moved to today. She offered to hang out for half an hour before she had to go but I declined and got slightly mad about the fact that she found this more important. Would have been understanding if it was her boyfriends birthday, but it was his brothers birthday who she has only met once or twice I believe.
So am I justified to be slightly mad and annoyed about this or am I acting like an asshole. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
RDKdbe6LH2yYfQnw4tx4xJ7QPen76WrA | ayvhc2 | {
"description": "putting more value on my job than my fiance's",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for putting more value on my job than my fiance's? | Two years ago I made the decision to go to grad school in Richmond, VA to eventually get a better job in my field so that I could travel and not worry about needing a job so much, as well to be at the top of my profession. My longtime girlfriend decided to not move with me but instead stayed in NYC because she liked her job and has family in NYC. We decided to stay together long-distance and actually got engaged not too long ago.
&#x200B;
I am about to graduate and have been looking at jobs at different cities around the country and although NYC has a great job market, it's just not a place that I want to go back to since I had worked there before grad school and we have lived there our whole lives. I could very easily get a job in NYC, but will not feel happy if I do so.
&#x200B;
My fiance has been very adamant about staying in NYC, because she says that her job is great and moving would be too difficult. To be honest her job is just okay, it is the only job she has had since graduating undergrad-five years ago and doesn't pay her enough to allow us to save much money. I honestly think she is just afraid of trying to find a new job, where I am the opposite and want to live in a bunch of different cities before we get to old. As you can tell I think her job is a dime a dozen, but it makes her feel important.
&#x200B;
The job that I will be able to get will be able to support both of us barely if we move to a new city, but it will be at a company that is at the top of my field so growth potential is at the maximum for my job market. So I won't necessarily have an amazing job from the standpoint of $$ but it will be at a top 10 fortune 500 company.
AITA for wanting to push my fiance into moving out of her job and into a new city for the job of my dreams after completing grad school? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
MmUao3X3xGJKflUhoRYQbKoaphX6mrYP | b477h3 | {
"description": "telling my female flatmates to stop talking about hot guys",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 89
} | AITA for telling my female flatmates to stop talking about hot guys? | I (19M) have been on a dry spell recently. And it's making me feel really low. My friends (both 19M) are trying to help me get laid but honestly I think my looks are just too bad. I'm clearly ugly and therefore I can't participate in the hookup culture.
So I was playing Xbox in my flat living room and my female flatmate (19F), we'll call her Katy, walked in with some of her female friends (3 girls, all my age). I said hi to them, made some small talk, etc the usual.
Anyway they were sat on the kitchen table just talking while I was playing Xbox on the sofa, and I heard them change their convo topic to guys. They started talking about some hot guys they know and how good looking they are, and honestly, my heart shattered.
I was playing Xbox to GET AWAY from feeling low about my dry spell, and to now hear 3 good looking (4 actually, including Katy) talk about these ''hot guys'' just made me feel even lower. It reminded me that no girl talks about me the same way they were doing those hot guys.
So I just politely said to them ''Please stop doing that'', they looked confused and Katy said ''Doing what??'', so I just calmly looked at her and said ''Talking about those hot guys''. She looked even more bemused and said ''Um...why not?'' so I just said ''It makes me very uncomfortable''.
She went a bit quiet and said ''Ok....'' and a few minutes later they left, now later on the day she pulled me aside and said that embarrassing her wasn't cool and that i'm an asshole, I said to her that it's got nothing to do with embarrassing. And if it was me and my friends talking about ''hot girls'', I'm sure she wouldn't like it.
I thought what she was doing, was selfish, because it made me feel like shit, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 89,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 89
} | WRONG |
zZuHURqJ9E9pElMzXVEYeT9i4YChrruX | b279yq | {
"description": "wanting to sleep",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to sleep? | I’ll try to keep this short. I work till 1 am every weekend. My partner usually works at 8am so I have to get up with our kids usually around 7-7:30. He was off this weekend and I let him sleep in Friday and Saturday. I just wanted to sleep in Sunday morning because the weekends wipe me out, I have to take care of our two toddlers on 5 hours of sleep and then go right to work when he gets home. Today I woke up with the kids at 7:30 am, got them dressed and fed. I woke him up and asked him to get up and take care of the kids so I can go back to sleep. Immediately he starts bitching. I said I work until 1 am and he said he doesn’t care and I stay up too late (I usually stay up for a little bit after work to unwind) at this point I’m already wide awake so fuck it. So we’re all hanging out in the living room watching tv and I started to fall asleep at around 10:30. He woke me up at 11:30 saying it’s bullshit I’ve been sleeping all day and it’s almost noon.
So am I the asshole for wanting to sleep so I don’t feel like complete shit all day? | HISTORICAL | {
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uQuZWp2B0JKyqT48YpXCgWpDNYkK8oIb | awowij | {
"description": "selfishly wanting more out of a relationship",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for selfishly wanting more out of a relationship? | So this girl and I are "FWB" according to her but really it's just a casual open relationship. We snuggle, hold hands, talk about deep stuff, and have fun hanging out outside of sex. We act like a couple, not two friends who also sleep together.
We go out about once a week because she says she doesn't have enough time. She has a part time job and goes to highschool. I understand. But she also had a long term boyfriend under those exact same conditions. But she swears we aren't in a "real" relationship because she doesn't have the time.
Is she screwing someone else? Is she just using me to get through a dry spell between relationships? Does she not like me enough to go out more often? Or am I just being an insecure asshole who selfishly wants to spend more time with a great girl?
She's also stated she's bad at reading her own emotions, she's going to therapy for it. Maybe that has something to do with it?
| HISTORICAL | {
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qGNcvReo7g9OtnQVkowtrF93jc4SL1ni | ba2z2n | {
"description": "telling my whole soap opera of a friend group to f**k off",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for telling my whole soap opera of a friend group to f**k off? | Long post and ill try to be as concise as possible while providing as much info.
so Jasmine [F21], Jack[M21], Jenny[F20] are part of my friend group there are others but Jack has been my best mate for 20 years.
jasmine called me in tears asking me if she can come over and talk about some stuff, naturally i said sure no worries. she gets here and shes crying and i help her calm down before asking her whats wrong.
jack asked out jasmines best friend jenny but jasmine is in love with jack but he doesnt know and now she wants to tell him but shes worried that that would ruin her friendship with her friend and jack and honestly im just a bit like " what is this a soap opera".
i ask some questions and find out her friend knows and jack kinda knows as well so i tried to be impartial as possible and just listen to her and let her talk it out, not really saying anything just trying to be there as a friend.
back story on stuff. Jack falls in love hard and fast. as a best mate i never judge or criticize unless expressly asked i.e " what do you think of her buddy?" and even then i always say " shes great mate" or " lovely girl" with the added " take it slow" but being a friend is hard cause when the inevitable end comes and your there helping a crushed dude who you love as a brother, it also crushes you you want to help but short of getting drunk and letting them grieve you cant do much else.
back to the AITA. i explain to jasmine that maybe instead of rushing over to jacks house and professing her love for him that she waits until shes sure of her feelings and sits down and talks to him and explains how she feels and that jack can get into his feelings sometimes and maybe wait a bit she agrees and leaves and i go to bed and get up for work. midday i get a message from my best mate
" it would be best if we took a break from talking for a bit, jasmine told me what you said "
im really confused cause were pretty honest with each other and nothing i said was bad in my head or was something i didnt tell him before.
i ask what did she say i said ( god this sounds childish just writing it) and he says " you know what" i txt jasmine going " wtf happened" she says she went to jacks house told him everything and im still confused, jenny txts me saying " jasmine and jack and other friends are really sad with what you said you need to apologise"
im get fed up, obviously jasmine must have lied about something and im working and im just really done with all this childish he said she said and i txt jack and say
"until you want to explain exactly what you think i have done the whole lot of you can F**k right off "
this was weeks ago and i havent heard a peep from any of them and honestly its so refreshing not having to deal with all their shit, ive got other friends but now im kinda wondering if i was an asshole in not finding out what happened. i kinda flushed a 20 year friendship down the drain in one text.
TL:DR AITA reddit? | HISTORICAL | {
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WCeMbfT1WA5xFkA7ARY7qXdJgNYvrfmr | a8r3mq | {
"description": "not wanting my family to press charges against the emts who accidentally killed my uncle with neglect",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not wanting my family to press charges against the EMTs who accidentally killed my uncle with neglect? | tl;dr >!uncle died because he refused to go to the hospital and my family is suing. I don't agree but I keep being called an asshole now!<
To start, I'm not using a throwaway because my family doesn't know my reddit account and if they find it, they know my stance on this matter and it's their own damn fault if they stalk me and see that I'm a big fucking disappointment anyway. I want to know if I'm the asshole in this situation, buckle in because it's a long ride. Also maybe some catharsis for me, go figure.
In June, my uncle (we aren't actually related but my 'grandpa' is my family's best friend, we're basically family) was in pain from what he assumed was a muscle cramp that just kept getting worse. We called an ambulance and they checked his vitals and everything. I specifically asked them to make sure it wasn't a heart attack, because his brother had actually had one earlier that year and early heart attacks kind of run in their family. The EMTs assured me they would do everything they could.
To my uncle, they recommended he go to the emergency room to make sure everything was 100% okay, but the thing about my uncle was he never wanted anything to be a big deal - especially about himself. He REFUSED to get in the ambulance, and the EMTs told us it was severe muscle cramping (I think) and said they couldn't force him into an ambulance. They left.
Over the next few hours, my uncle got worse until he was delirious with pain. Then he pissed himself and we realized that he needed to go to the hospital, NOW. It was literal hell, I had to carry him to the car with my sister's help and the whole time he was just saying "aaah, ow, aaah" in the most monotone voice ever, it was pretty fucking scary. I'm actually pretty sure he was dead and gone before we even put him in the car.
I couldn't go with them, but the rest I've been told; they took him to the ER and he was taken by helicopter to a different hospital with the necessary equipment, and it was like I thought - earlier he'd started having a heart attack and his deliriousness was because he wasn't getting enough oxygen to his brain.
His aorta was torn, and he needed surgery that the doctors said he had a 1% chance of surviving - and unbelievably, he survived the surgery. Problem was, he was brain dead because like I said, his brain wasn't getting enough oxygen.
The thing you have to know about my family is they are VERY dramatic. Everything is screaming, everything is basically reality TV levels of drama. My twin cousins screamed at the doctors with all the cliche lines you'd expect from House or Scrubs, things like that - and they were definitely milking it. That sounds harsh, but I know my family and they LOVE drama and make everything 50 times more dramatic than is necessary.
They started grandstanding about how they were going to sue the doctors for 'killing' him but then they settled on the EMTs. They began talking about the EMTs and they were so hateful, and I understand we're all grieving but they were making up lies and saying that Mike wanted to go to the hospital but the EMTs told him it wasn't a big deal and argued with him when that WASN'T THE CASE. I was in the room when they were checking him out and my uncle refused point-blank to go with them, and then they lied about more little details.
Later the day after he died, we were sitting on the trampoline smoking some weed to relax and my sister and cousins start talking about how they're going to sue, and repeated the lies my mom insisted were true that I know for a fact weren't. I argued with them and things got a bit heated, and my sister's boyfriend started yelling at me that his sister is an EMT so he knows the procedures and they didn't follow the procedures in place for EMTs and I was yelling back that I literally read the handbook for it and they followed it to the letter and said the EMTs don't deserve to go through hell when they're already aware that their negligence inadvertently killed a man.
That's when everyone on the trampoline announced that yes, they deserved hell and even to be killed, so I told them being angry is one thing but they need to get a better handle on themselves before they ruin other people's lives. I don't think the EMTs did anything worth being dragged through hell for, people make mistakes and this was one of those horrible and unfortunate ones, while my family is one of those families that insists everyone around them are the assholes except us. (Like my mom breaking the lease in 50 different ways, then being an asshole to the landlord trying to hold her to the lease for example). I know for a fact they're only trying to sue because when my family is 'wronged' they have to prove they're right, and it's awful.
After that my sister said "You're gonna deal with momma" and jumped off the trampoline to go inside and get my mom. At that point I ran inside too and upstairs because my mom has a history of being abusive and I certainly did not want to deal with that. For the record and to my surprise, my mom was very understanding. She demanded I open my door and asked why I called her a liar but I explained I didn't call her a liar, I called my sister's boyfriend a liar and told my mom what my sister's boyfriend said, which was that Mike abused adderal and that's why he had a heart attack and had what's coming to him and it resulted in an almost fistfight. She cried, I cried, whatever.
Fast forward to now and there's a court hearing my grandpa is going to for this stuff. My family has kept me out of the loop on purpose because of my stance, so I'm not 100% sure on the details - I know the EMTs had to be retrained and I think one of them was fired. I'm posting this because my sister turned her nose up to me when my grandpa mentioned it and said "Might not want to talk about that here, \[grandpa's name\]. \[My name\] thinks we're all assholes for wanting justice for Mike. She didn't even go to the funeral!" Obviously implying I'm an asshole, too. It was just the straw that broke the camels back, I guess.
I didn't think I was an asshole, but I'm doubting myself - I don't think the day after he died was the right day to have a screaming match with my family, but I really well and truly believe they're pursuing justice for something that was just a horrible, awful mistake that those guys have to live with. I'm sort of the pariah of the family now (it was always that way but it's worse now) and I've been getting shit on by basically my whole family for the last 6 months. Is it really an asshole move to not want this? I only said my piece once, but my family won't let me forget it.
>!Sorry if this is one of those "quit posting for validation" posts everyone hates!< | HISTORICAL | {
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oiVb2Fg3uJ0nuTh9hnJMyJ3WOVEXscUs | aw6g42 | {
"description": "abruptly dropping a decent woman from my life",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for abruptly dropping a decent woman from my life | This happened a couple years ago but I still feel guilt about it. Maybe four years ago I dated a woman for 3 months. She was by far the most beautiful, intelligent and successful woman I'd ever been with. Also, the sex was insanely good. It was clear to me (and probably her) from the get go that I was way more into her than she was into me. We had a great few months, but then one day she abruptly ended it with me. She couldn't explain why, and left open the possibility of us getting back together. I think things were just getting too serious too fast and she was recently divorced and didn't want to jump into something serious.
I believe I handled that part well. I was understanding, I didn't rant or rave, and we decided to be friends. After that I continued to hang out with her and sometimes her two sons, and we had a good time. But after every time we got together, I'd sink into a depression for a couple days. It wasn't just seeing her, it was spending time with her kids. I don't have kids (I'm in my 40s), and regret not being a dad. We all got along well. Once her 8-year-old son was walking with me and without thinking took my hand, and once a waiter referred to me as "dad" when we were out together and it kind of broke my heart.
About a year later I realized that I still had strong feelings for her, and I wrote a long email explaining that, and asking to get back together. She never responded. After a few months I reached out to her again, she apologized for ghosting but said she didn't know how to respond, and we went back to being the same way we were before.
We started hanging out together more, and then one day she texted me and asked if I wanted to do a couch to 5K. I thought about writing back, "I will if you go on a date with me," or something like that. I asked a friend for advice and he told me it was never going to happen and I had to end it. And I did. I wrote her a text in which I said that I still had feelings for her and a bunch of other stuff and I wished her the best and I hope she meets someone who she wants to be with and goodbye. She wrote back something like, "Fuck your sanctimonious bullshit."
And that was the last I ever heard from her. About a year later I wrote a long email to her apologizing for cutting things off so abruptly. The email made clear that I didn't want to restart things, I was just feeling a lot of guilt for how I ended it and felt the need to apologize. She never responded, of course. That was maybe a year ago and I still think about her a lot and still feel guilty for cutting things off like I did. This makes me think that ending things was the right thing because I was obviously way too into her, but what I feel guilty about was how I ended it – so abruptly, over text. Long ago I had a friend cut me out of her life abruptly like that and it really hurt. I hope this isn't a validation post, I really struggle with whether I was the asshole.
&#x200B; | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
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} | RIGHT |
ODzQXUgSa553sjQgO3qVOm6Ee0TEyPVG | b9u3tv | {
"description": "not doing the housework while WFH",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not doing the housework while WFH | So recently I have been WFH (working from home) due to feeling a bit under the weather, and not wanting to pass anything onto co-workers.
However, my girlfriend seems to think this is a perfect opportunity to do some housework, since i'm at home. But since i'm working, I do not have time to be cleaning up/washing up.
Since coming home today, from work. She had a go at me because the place was in a mess, and that I had been home for 2 days and I should have cleaned everything up.
Bearing in mind, she is currently at university (on spring break currently) and works part time. When I work full time and do part-time uni. | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 14,
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} | RIGHT |
DgQclVwpbq1wKRP6Ja5t80TD63BJQ6ee | azr2xk | {
"description": "abruptly ignoring someone Ive known for years",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for abruptly ignoring someone ive known for years? | So im a senior in highschool and I've known this guy since I was in like 7th grade and for the past few months I've been noticing more and more how much of a bully he is.
He calls this freshman (he doesn't know) names, shoves him around, and makes fun of him for dancing or mumbling in class. It's annoying. I've told him to stop a hundred times, I've told him if he doesn't stop I won't talk to him.
And just about four weeks ago, I finally I had enough and snapped at him. He said "I don't see why you like him, he's annoying and a racist" which he isn't. The freshman has said his MOM is racist, not him. I told my "friend" that even if I didn't like him, that doesn't give him the right to be a dick about it.
He didn't listen and two weeks ago I just stopped talking to him bc it got so annoying. I hang out with the kid and his other freshman friends, so if my old pal starts to bother him I can stop it, but otherwise, am I the asshole for just suddenly cutting contact?
He's tried to talk it out, but I just don't want to deal with it. He's sent mutual friends my way and once again, don't want to deal. He's even started telling them that IM lying and that he isn't bullying this kid. He's even managed to manipulate my best friend into believing him. The only way she will talk to me is if I make up with him, but i think that's stupid. All my friends are against me and I just don't understand why. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
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} | RIGHT |
maSKeyDxJN2omz1AtBPUNij57AdKdxqD | arq8na | {
"description": "valuing my sister's happiness over my mom's life",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for valuing my sister’s happiness over my mom’s life | Kind of a long story but I feel like the background is needed. Please bear with me...
My mom is an alcoholic / addict and has been for as long as I can remember (I’m 25F). But to be honest with you, idk how many people could live her life and not be.
She’s had a rough life. She was married to my dad, who is a literal psychopath. And, as you can imagine, she had an abusive dad herself and an eff ton of horrific luck, including sexual assault by total strangers.
Seeing pictures of her as a young woman break my heart because I feel like things could’ve turned out so differently. They didn’t, though, and she became neglectful / abusive herself. But unlike my dad, shes always loved us kids—and I believe that entirely. Which is why this is so hard.
A few years back, my mom relapsed and almost died. My sister (15 at the time) was living alone with her. It was bad. (Without my dad around, it was bad neglect and not so much other forms of abuse.) My brother moved back home from school to take care of her while my mom went to rehab—I was already living hundreds of miles away.
The brunt of her recovery work fell on me, with her counselor wanting me to do things like write “impact letters” literally sharing the worst things she’s ever done to me. It was hell.
During this time, my sister’s grades fell and she became extremely depressed and began acting out. I didn’t want my sister living with my mom anymore, but as my moms counselor put it, her entire identity is built on “being a mom.”
My sister and I got her accepted with a scholarship to a boarding school. My mom initially liked the idea but then freaked out and wouldn’t sign at the very end. My moms counselor and step-dad were furious at me. They believe “taking my sister away” would make my mom relapse and this time probably die.
We got into a fight about it and my step-dad said “do you want your mom to die? Do you care if your mom dies?” And I told him my priority was my sister’s well being and happiness. He (and my moms rehab counselor) have always insisted my sister’s life isn’t in danger (because it’s neglect and not horrible physical abuse) while my mom’s life is. My step-dad was absolutely repulsed when I said I valued my sister’s happiness over my mom’s life.
My sister never went to boarding school. But now, 3 years later, were repeating the process again with college.
My mom wants my sister to stay in town, but she wants to leave and I think that’s what she needs. That being said, I genuinely think my mom not having any children around will negatively impact her mental health and may lead to another relapse.
My mom sends me gifts and texts me sometimes and wishes she was a mom, and I really feel for her because her life has been so hard, but in my mind, she just never has been a mother. And this may be awful, but if my sister leaves, I don’t want to have to pick up the slack by having more of a relationship with my mom to prevent a relapse. I’m so tired of it all.
AITA for wanting my sister to be happy and for not wanting to build more of a relationship with my mom, even if it’s possibly at the extent of my mom’s life?
| HISTORICAL | {
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SVucBBRS8AgAo23XwJJbJufmIY8rQIap | ace843 | {
"description": "getting mad at my online friend over a video game",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for getting mad at my online friend over a video game? | This is my first time posting here, so bear with me.
I have my steam profile up on a website where you play the party game Mafia with other people online. One of my close friends on said website saw that I play a game that he also plays (terraria). He contacted me and thought it would be fun if we play together.
I am a big fan of this game, and he was a little bit new. I was teaching him some good tricks and was really having some fun, but I felt uninvolved when it came to actually doing stuff together in this game because he was actively avoiding wanting to do other stuff (such as bosses) with me.
We were doing one of the harder bosses. I was preparing for this fight beforehand and I admit I rushed it. I didn’t give him any idea of what to do in the fight. I just gave him some potions and expected him to roll with it. He dies immediately, and I finished the boss. He got passive aggressive and told me to log off, and that he would do the boss again by himself. I apologized and left.
A few days later, he invited me to play again. I got on and was really excited to continue from where we left off, but he went through the next 25% of the game and expected me to be prepared for the next fight. I was sad and mad, but I didn’t let that be known. I asked if he had anything to help me catch up and that he didn’t. I was sad because I missed out on a big portion of the game when I was expecting to spend that portion with him. He told me to get some items from other characters and I got some at like 1% higher than what he was currently at.
He starts the boss, and after we finished it he sees a weapon I used to do well in the fight and calls me a cheater because the weapon I got was one boss higher than the boss we were fighting, but it was still at the same level we were at. He gets mad at me and says he’ll fight the boss again by himself. I got mad and said “I’m not the only one who can do shit by them self” and “You might as well do the entire fucking game without me” because of what happened earlier. I haven’t contacted him since.
I realize that it’s bad to get mad over a game, but I felt more mad at his actions rather than anything else. I really want to apologize because I realize that being petty is never the answer, but I want you guys’s opinion.
| HISTORICAL | {
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} | EVERYBODY | {
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} | WRONG |
lKN1QUtoUfh825ZOdPyx10eQilaQrRI4 | af4j22 | {
"description": "not wanting my wife to be a surrogate mother",
"pronormative_score": 83,
"contranormative_score": 11
} | AITA for not wanting my wife to be a surrogate mother? | I kinda feel like an asshole here but I want to know what you guys think. My wife's best friend is having infertility problems and none of the treatments are working. She asked my wife if she could be a surrogate out of the blue and after days of thinking about everything she decided that she's gonna help her friend. I understand that their bond is huge and what she is doing is noble but I really don't wanna be a part of this.
I have a couple of reasons:
1- My wife is gonna be pregnant with a kid that's not mine.
2- There could be complications or there is a possibility that she can have severe problems or outright die due to her existing conditions (Anemia).
3- I don't want to be helping her carry the baby for nine months just to give it away.
AITA here? Honestly I tried telling her in the most gentle way possible that I'm absolutely not on board with this but she is stuck calling me a sexist and an asshole. I'd rather divorce than be a part of it and she knows it yet she still chose to do it. Any advice?
| HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 72,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 83,
"WRONG": 11
} | RIGHT |
cHk3g2N92cJY3HZOqAPXFnDr2K2ZhEEj | 9uldjv | {
"description": "saying no to going to formal with someone",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for saying no to going to formal with someone? | This boy who doesn’t go to the same college as me asked me to his lacrosse formal which is this Saturday. He’s the roommate/teammate of my roommate's boyfriend and we’ve only met in person once. Since meeting, we would snapchat a little, but lately not frequently at all.
He mentioned the formal to me a couple weeks after meeting. He said that if we hung out again before the formal he wanted me to go with him. At this time, he didn’t officially ask me. He never mentioned when it was or anything else about it until tonight.
I kind of assumed that he wasn’t gonna actually ask me because we hadn’t hung out since our first initial meeting. I don’t have anything to wear since it’s such short notice and I know that if I go, I’m going to have to get with him (which I’m not sure I wanna do) so I made up some bullshit lie about my friend coming to visit this weekend (I was nice about it though I promise!). All he replied was “bet” and when I apologized again in reply he left me on opened.
This gives me the impression that he assumed that these plans were already kind of set and that I’m fucking it up by saying no even though I never actually agreed to anything.
Am I an asshole for saying no? I feel like he assumed that I was going to be his date and so now I’m playing dumb in order to justify myself (“well we didn’t hang out again so I'm not going”).
I’m not explaining this very well, but I hope you know what I mean.
Thanks! | HISTORICAL | {
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LptI9qcuyGZqvGYh553g5Zw0DQCm6f9I | b25chj | {
"description": "snoring wife",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | Aita...snoring wife | For waking her up cause she snores so bad that she keeps me up. I have ear plugs in and still can't sleep due to her snoring. I woke her up and said babe you are snoring so bad. She got pissed off threw a pillow at me, said fuck it I'll sleep in other room. Will say I slept great for 3 hours afterwards. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
eVifsvlRiPIGmx2RrO6DBU8cSsLCbqgw | as25z1 | {
"description": "telling off my ex-girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For Telling Off my ex-girlfriend | This event took place around three years ago but it still to this day has made me question my character and thought I’d share for some emotional relief.
I was in a year long relationship with this girl who I met from a guitar class I took Highschool. She seemed super cool at first, we shared a ton of common interests. I literally thought she was the near perfect match. We get to know each other and she tells me of some troubling issues from her past with unfaithful men she’s been in relationships with. I’m not that sort of guy, I consider the women in my life that I hold dear and how it would affect them if any man hurt them. After a few months of serious talking and being close friends, we began a relationship.
Near the end of the relationship we got into another argument and I forgot what it was for but I remember we talked it out and it ended up fine. However the next morning after, she doesn’t respond to my good morning text and this was a Friday. I text her through out the day and no response not even a read receipt which she normally has on. Sunday night she finally gets back to me and says she just needed some “alone time” cause she felt she would easily get angry with me for the next few days since the last argument. I kinda get where she’s coming from. Monday I have class (we are in college btw). I get back and let her know how my day was, very brief convo. She didn’t get back to after my last text even though she was responding rather fast during the convo. I left my phone to charge while I ate dinner and forgot the convo and went straight to home office to do homework. I get back to my phone and see she had text me while I was eating and let her know that I left my phone in my room while I did homework. She responded with “it’s not like you cared to talk to me anyway”.... At this point I had absolutely lost my shit. Like that’s the response I get when you literally ignored me for almost 3 days. So I write a lengthy message (keeping my cool) on how I’m done tolerating this kind of shit and how hypocritical of her to even say that to me. I tell her that I love and care for her but it’s mentally exhausting on me when I’m constantly convinced I’m the bad guy when it’s pretty objective that she is at fault in some disagreements we have. She never responded to me after that but when I woke up the next morning with a few messages from her; one she accuses me of being verbally abusive. She said she deleted the conversation and demanded I send her screenshots cause she wanted to see a counselor to which she would show the messages to but next few hours I’m barraged with messages from her girlfriends telling me how awful I am. But I doubt she showed them all the horrible things she has said to me. I do admit I was aggressive in how a responded to her the night before but not towards her but to how she was treating me and I made that really clear for her. Since then I’ve wondered if I’m really as toxic as she made me seem to be. | HISTORICAL | {
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QWjMOiIhGQbHs1H9wmt4jmtjPM5d1qV6 | av9xgr | {
"description": "breaking off a toxic friendship",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For breaking off a toxic friendship? | Okay, so backstory. I was friends with this girl 3 years ago after we went overseas for college. We really bonded and I thought I had a friend.
So fast forward about a year or so and being friends with her litterally felt like I was a mirror. It was always "take pictures of me" "wow I'm so hot" "me, me, me". She would interrupt me when I would try and steer the conversation away from her, but she would just snap it right back to her.
She was in to cosplay and she would make me her personal photographer. So, I got tired of it and confronted her about it and she called me a bitch and told me she had to constantly walk on eggshells around me (which is how I felt with her btw). And we were fine for a couple of weeks.
In the meantime, there was this guy we were in a class with (separate classes). The guy, who we will call John, and I were both set up to be partners for international students for the week they were at our college. She saw us together and the pictures that came from the reception, and she ignored me for 2 weeks because she thought John and I were dating. (he liked 2D girls more).
I had to ask HER what was wrong and she made it to be my fault. After that, I decided to break off the friendship silently. And haven't directly heard from her since, but our mutual friends tell me things like.
"Oh, yeah she shits talks about how you're horrible friend" and "She thinks you're toxic".
Any thoughts?
On mobile btw so sorry for format. | HISTORICAL | {
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i1YRObIJ7y4cgI06xwJmSlNvgg4DsBl3 | atqj5w | {
"description": "getting pissed off at my wife's best friend for bragging about constant travel and materialism? my wife thinks I'm just jealous. who's right",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for getting pissed off at my wife’s best friend for bragging about constant travel and materialism? My wife thinks I’m just jealous. Who’s right? | My wife’s friend takes a holiday every other month. Caribbean, Mexico, Europe - all over. Big travel budget. When I hear them talk on the phone - it’s almost always about the next holiday, or a new purchase. And she will also include brand names when discussing purchases. Just annoys me to no end. It’s also contagious. Like, other girlfriends start “competing” in a way. But they seem happy sharing each others holiday / material experiences. Hard to say. To me it comes off as bragging and being fake. What do you think? AITA and being jealous because I don’t buy many brand names and go on long holidays? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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} | AUTHOR | {
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qFpKa72rPeoncA0ZOfnq1y1tuKgGSgs7 | 9ufvlz | {
"description": "being dissatisfied with my long distance girlfriend cutting contact with me for a month",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being dissatisfied with my long distance girlfriend cutting contact with me for a month? | My girlfriend is a training musician, and I’ve been with her for a short while. Last night, she messaged me she would be taking a break from all forms of social media for the entirety of November to focus on her practice, and has stated my presence is distracting her in school and in her training. I’m pretty panicked about it, being that she’s been my main source of motivation to make myself better as of late, because I’m overall pretty lonely for the most part.
I’m really frustrated over the fact that she can’t really even check in every week or so, and upset she pulled it out of nowhere. I don’t hate her for doing this, I’m just confused and frustrated. Am I an asshole for being bothered that she can’t give me updates every week or so?
Thanks for reading
TL;DR: Girlfriend is cutting contact with me entirely for Nov. to focus on her studies. | HISTORICAL | {
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5XFYbFl9d4UgYks3fOU0TkDuXYiJBvEJ | b7dho6 | {
"description": "planning a trip without my boyfriend and then getting mad that he's planning one without me",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for planning a trip without my boyfriend and then getting mad that he's planning one without me? | Hi guys. Throwaway with some details changed because my friends use reddit and they would recognize me.
Some background: my boyfriend (M30) and I (F25) have been together for 3 years. I'm in medical school and my boyfriend is in finance, so we both have pretty crazy schedules. Also, things have been tough lately since I'm studying for my boards. For anyone who doesn't know, the boards the most difficult thing you do in med school, and your score essentially decides your future and what residency you can get into. I'm under the most pressure of my entire life, so I've been in a bit of a panic the last few weeks.
Now for the story: My favorite band is playing in San Francisco in August, and I really want to go see them. I knew my boyfriend wouldn't really want to go on this trip for a couple of reasons: he doesn't like to go places he's already been, and we already took a trip to see this band at my request. I didn't think this would be an issue since we frequently go on weekend trips without each other. Our schedules and interests don't always align, and I don't have any issues with us taking separate weekend trips. However, we always have planned our big vacations together.
Last weekend, I brought up the concert to him like this: "Hey, I want to go see XX band because you know I love them. My friends and I talked about going for the weekend. I would love if you came with us, but I understand if that isn't something you want to do." His reaction was furious, he went off on me for being selfish and not "making joint decisions.” He never told me whether he wanted to come, and I couldn't get a straight answer out as to why he was upset with me about this particular trip. This went on for a few days. Since I've been super stressed due to the pressure I've been under, I asked him to drop it for now. I haven't seen him since the fight, and I've barely heard from him this week (which is unusual, we usually text constantly and stay over each others' places every night).
This morning I called him because I was upset about my studying and was thinking I might have to change my schedule around to have more time to prepare. I mentioned this to him and he got very defensive with me. When I asked why, he said "I'm planning a trip to Costa Rica this summer." This came out of nowhere and I asked when he decided this. His response was "Since you don't take me into consideration for your plans, why should I take you into consideration for mine?" I got really upset with him and ended up hanging up the phone.
I feel like these two things are nowhere near the same. To me, taking weekend trips with our friends is one thing but it's another to use his only vacation time to plan a trip without even discussing it with me. Furthermore, I feel like he's only doing it to be petty and make a point. I shouldn't have hung up on him, but I'm so stressed out and it's frustrating to me that he can't let things go when I really need support. So reddit, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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i1znDTJY3LoyLmVcUlxnGB7nlF7xRh2f | ajss4l | {
"description": "being for being unsure of my marriage and letting my fiance know about it pretty late",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for being for being unsure of my [21 M] marriage and letting my fiance [21 F] know about it pretty late? | My fiance and I have a complicated relationship. We met in highschool and instantly got really close to eachother. Our relationship did have a lot of ups and downs because we were both still figuring ourselves out while dating, neither one of us was really prepared for a relationship to be honest. Despite this we continued to date, causing the relationship to become toxic/unhealthy.
Eventually I caught her lying and figured out that she was cheating. I confronted her and she admitted she met some guy 2 weeks ago, had been with him physically, and wants to be with him, ending our two year relationship. I do admit I was a shitty boyfriend at the time but in my opinion, that does not excuse cheating.
After a year apart, we got back on speaking terms and slowly started to find mutual ground. Occasional conversations turned into constant conversations and before we knew it we were back together. Since we had both done tons of growing, we were better together now. There were still issues of course, as any relationship has, but for the most part it was smooth sailing.
Being cheated on seriously scarred me, changing me in many ways. I went from being an extrovert to an introvert. I refused to open up to anyone & chose to deal with my emotions myself. Honestly I can only really express primitive emotions. I do my best to talk about things but I visibly struggle and this really bothers her. She hates how I deal with things myself and feels like she should be there to help me with everything. I understand her point of view but I just prefer to handle it alone.
Fast forward to today, in our culture, it's her "time" to get married. I was basically given an ultimatum, marry her or break up. As a 21 year old who's still in college and doesn't even own a vehicle, I find this ridiculous. I just don't understand how I'm expected to handle all this responsibility when I'm still grinding college and working a minimum wage job. Furthermore, although we do love eachother we're not "in love". Of course I care for her a fuck ton but when I'm told to picture my future wife, I don't picture her right away. I asked her to tell me why she wants to marry me & honestly, neither one of us has a solid reason apart from our history. Despite this she's still adamant on getting married, maybe she's lying? I don't know.
We're now one year away from the wedding, both our families are involved and our marriage has basically been announced to the world (well our mutual world). She now brings up wedding plans often which visibly disgruntles me. Last night after she kept pressing me to try and explain why I get like this and I finally told her the truth as best as I can.
I'm not ready to get married, mentally or financially. I feel like I have so much left to do and there's no way I can handle this level of responsibility in this stage of life. I also told her, growing up I always dreamt about my post-uni bachelor's life. Buying my first car, going on road trips with all my best friends. Of course if I'm having to sacrifice a childhood dream on top of taking on a lot more than what I feel like I can handle, I'm going to be pissed. Despite this I told her losing her would hurt a lot so I'm prepared to choose her but she can't expect me to be all sunshine and flowers.
She dismissed my feelings, told me I'm a disrespectful dumbasss, so on and so forth.
AITA for feeling this way and letting her know about it? Should I not be feeling this way at all? Should I have confessed this all to her earlier before everyone was informed of our wedding rather than finding the words for it now?
| HISTORICAL | {
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DVATPvqEkpQAQD95xFXtaugnmfKmTilK | augb83 | {
"description": "preferring my son does not grow up to be gay",
"pronormative_score": 28,
"contranormative_score": 36
} | AITA for preferring my son does not grow up to be gay? | Please first and foremost understand that I am not in the slightest homophobic or against gay rights or anything of the sort. My sister is lesbian and I had no problem accepting that. I have several gay friends and we treat each other no different than straight friends.
Now today my sister and I somehow came across the discussion of what happens if my son (my wife is 20 weeks along her pregnancy with him!) turned out to be gay. Well I said to her I hope he isn’t, but if he were I would still accept him the way he is. My sister BLEW UP and accused me of bigotry and that I was “closet rejecting” her lesbianism this whole time. I tried my best to assure that is not the case and that I believe there is nothing wrong with simply hoping your child is not gay, I would just prefer if my son could have a biologic child with a wife, in the same way my wife and I are having him. The way I think about this is like if I owned a business and I hoped one day my son would take over it, now if he didn’t that’s fine I would love him all the same and he can choose any career he likes but there is nothing wrong in my eyes with having a preference for that to begin with, the same way someone can like chocolate over vanilla ice cream but no harm no foul if their son does not. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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E9EdQI0YAH4uVn1EiwQ11zL8OukxCmBu | 9woprj | {
"description": "not wanting to go on a family holiday",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to go on a family holiday? | **Background**
I live in the UK. I have two children who will soon be two and four years old. Before my oldest starts school (this September) my wife and I were planning on taking the children to Florida for two weeks to Disney World, etc. This was to be timed so that we went at a quiet (ish) time of the year outside of school holidays.
I don't think we had mentioned this plan to my mum.
&#x200B;
My mum has recently said that for her 70th birthday she would love to take the family (mum, dad, me, wife, kids (2 & 4), my sister, sister's kids (9 & 11)) to Disney World, etc. She would pay for all of the children's flights, tickets, etc... Adults would pay for themselves.
&#x200B;
This would have to coincide with my sister's children's Easter school holidays (first two weeks of April).
&#x200B;
This sounds pretty good - we were already planning on going and though the start of April is busier than we would have liked it's really not too bad since we just miss the US Easter holidays. The timing does make flights a lot more expensive than it would be at our ideal time, but with my mum paying for the children the price kind of evens out (for us).
&#x200B;
**The quandry**
The problem is that my wife is unable to take off the first week of any month due to her work commitments. She's asked several times, but can't get the time off approved.
&#x200B;
Our only option would be to fly out for the second week (when flights are even more ridiculously priced) and then either only go for one week total, or stay for a further week on our own but with full-on Easter crowds everywhere. I'm told, and my research corroborates, that the parks are going to be absolutely rammed for April 13th onwards due to Easter.
**Our position**
After much, much debate, I've told my mum that we don't want to go on this holiday and would prefer to go at a different time on our own as previously planned because:
* After travelling from the UK, one week is too short to visit all of the parks and other things that we want to take the kids to
* If we stay for two weeks, the second week is essentially written off (for going to parks) because:
* I think it will simply be far too crowded to go with a two year old and a four year old (and actually enjoy ourselves)
* I think I'll be constantly stressed about losing them in the crowds
* Queue times will be far too long for them to cope with
* I don't want to have to explain to two young children that they have to wait 30+ minutes in a line to go on the teacups or that we have to hang around for an hour before we can have something to eat.
* If we go on this holiday we won't ever have another chance to go outside of school holidays
* I think that this is the real thing that's getting to me. I want them to have a wonderful time where we can take our time and not have to worry about cramming things in in the first week before it goes crazy, and we'll never have the opportunity to do that again once they start school.
We'll happily go somewhere else closer to home for the week where we can overlap holiday times if that would work for everyone. My parents, my sister, and her kids (we weren't invited as we didn't have kids at the time, I guess), have already previously been to Florida before so it's not like I'm ruining their one chance to go there.
&#x200B;
My family is suggesting that we just takes the kids to a beach for the second week, but as I say above, I don't think that it gives us enough time at the parks as we'd prefer to take our time and not cram it in. I presume that the beaches will be rammed then too anyway.
&#x200B;
My wife and I have been arguing because we don't want to let my mum down, but don't want to compromise on what we were planning for our children either. My wife has been crying because she's so upset at the position we're in - she's considered quitting her job so that we can go on the same dates as everyone else. I don't want to put my wife in this position.
**Why I feel like IMBTA**
My mum has her heart set on this magical whole-family holiday and I feel really bad to be saying no to it and letting her down. She hardly ever asks for anything.
**So.. judgement time**
AITA? Am I being selfish and using the kids and the impact of the Easter crowds as an excuse?
&#x200B; | HISTORICAL | {
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SBJjtRD6zK8N6KOsEP12ghzXJteoxrDy | b51l0x | {
"description": "disobeying in-laws",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | WIBTA If I Disobey In-Laws? | Long story short, I store my summer car at my In-Laws during the winter, in their backyard, and appreciate them allowing me to do so. Now this is the third year of winter storage.
Year one, no issues getting the car out when I felt it was right.
Year two (Last year), it became a heated argument because they felt I would destroy the grass (soft ground), even though year one car removal went without a hitch. Sure enough, father inlaw got the car out one day for me after the arguments.
Now were on year three of winter storage, and I am again having issues getting the car out when I would like and am being told I need to wait until "They" feel its right.
My possession (Car), but their property. I am on the verge of just going there and driving it out regardless if they like it or not, but at the same time, not hot headed enough to make a rash decision. WIBTA if I literally just started my car and drove it off their property anyways, "soft ground" or not?
Will note: my relationship with the In-Laws is meh. Not great, not terrible. Not much talking or visits outside of holiday. I wouldn't be heart broken if they were mad at me for a while. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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} | WRONG |
6NFafFnpQmTimwVVFZkLQbQ6iMvuMIS3 | a3br20 | {
"description": "asking this guy why he ghosted me",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA if I asked this guy why he ghosted me? | So I meet this guy. We hit it off really well, he seems really into me. We talk all day every day for over a month and things are getting intense. He tells me he isn’t seeing anyone else and doesn’t want to be seeing anyone else. Literally does a 180 after that. Pretty much he stops replying and seems to completely lose interest. I was blindsided. Now when he sees me around he ignores me. I don’t know what I did wrong and it’s eating me up inside. Should I ask him why we don’t talk anymore, or should I just take the message as a loud and clear demand for me to fuck off? I seriously don’t know what I did and I think I would get some closure if I asked him, but I don’t want to come off as harassing him or whatever. I am just amazed that he lost interest literally overnight and I can’t believe it, I want to know if there’s another reason behind this. WIBTA if I texted him something like “Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask you why we fell out of touch”? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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tIiitedsJbuPLZ3Mxgf1zz6TidhpFor7 | b5jzwz | {
"description": "telling my friend that he is the most toxic person I know",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For telling my friend that he is the most toxic person I know | So about 6 years ago I met my friend, he moved to my town and started going to school with me, and he wasn’t very sociable and was shy. Same person as me so I quickly found common ground with him in video games. So one day we exchanged PlayStation names and started playing Minecraft for multiple years had a world whatever, all good fun.
Flash Forward to the last few years and we still play video games still talk. But his toxicity became clear quick. It started as jokes and when he came out and said he was depressed.
When he came out to me and our friend group as depressed it didn’t truly come as a a shock knowing how he acted and his family wasn’t the greatest but his made around with it so it was whatever. But then it progressively got worse when he got to memes, and other stupid shit such as simple conversations. He even would bring it into video games. Saying shit like, “holy fuck you guys are the worst group of gamers I have ever played with” or “I know PlayStation sucks, but [ one of the friends group members] you fucking suck” and now we know we aren’t the greatest but not terrible but we also know where the line draws.
So today while playing with him, we were playin BO3 Zombies since I refuse to get BO4 and I went down a few times, even forgot to revive him one round because I was trying to save my ass so we didn’t lose, but out of nowhere a few matches in he screams through his mic “ Holy shit fuck can you just fucking help me complete this Easter Egg, you waste of fuck. I don’t understand why you downloaded this game if you suck this much”
I sat there appalled and confused, I left the game, muted my mic, and walked around my room for minute, unmuted my mic and asked him a question I think it was, “the fuck was that for dude?” No response, and then I heard a slight you heard me fuck head, and slight shit my bad under his breathe.
I had it, I went off on him. Told him that he had no right to fucking come at me and call me shit for no reason, and that he was a toxic piece of shit asshole that didn’t deserve my friendship if he was gonna keep this shit up.
He quickly responded that it was just a joke that I shouldn’t have taken seriously cause we are friends, I left the party and turned off PS4, later I unadded him and am not sure if I want to add him back.
So AMITA? Also TL;DR: Me and friend were playing BO3 Zombies and he got pissed for no reason, called me terrible and shouldn’t have downloaded the game, told him he was toxic and a piece of shit | HISTORICAL | {
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VL20w4VaQtED0OvOVN0o70wU4iKbI1Hl | b3z9vg | {
"description": "making my boss who lost my iphone earpods to replace it with a brand new earpods",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for making my boss who lost my iphone earpods to replace it with a brand new earpods? | So here’s what happened. One time my boss asked me if she could borrow my earpods for work purposes and I made an excuse that I left mine at home, next day she saw me using it so I didn’t have any excuse and let her borrow it. Fast forward she came to me and told me she lost my earpods. Apparently, someone stole it when she left it at her station. She assured me that she will just replace it. I asked her if she’s sure because it was kinda expensive and that she should try looking for it maybe she just misplaced it. She was like “How much is it? I know it’s original, I’m the one who lost it so I should replace it. I don’t have a choice. Where can I buy it? I’ll just give you the money.” So today I went to a power mac center it was $33.98, told my boss, I can see she’s kinda shocked. She said “MF that’s expensive.!”She asked me if it’s okay if she will just give me $10 to buy an earphone, told her she should buy the same one she lost. In the first place, she’s the one who promised that. Earlier she keeps on joking in front of our team that it was too much of me to make her pay for something brand new and that she should just replace it with a 2nd hand. She also jokes about how she would grade me lower and that she have to use her money from her savings, if it was really original blah blah blah. I know it’s a joke but she’s been going at it the entire shift every time she sees me and it’s starting to annoy me. Although on a serious tone she asked me several times if I am really going to make her pay. Now I’m actually the not the type of person to do this. I’m a shy and quiet person but i’m trying to get out of my comfort zone by saying what I really want and learning how to say no. Is it really too much to make her replace it with a brandnew earpods? | HISTORICAL | {
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kJx7V5PQwNI7pnOiC1DNZdI3GpLeCnTO | ad4dpe | {
"description": "letting my parents know they ruined my night",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for letting my parents know they ruined my night? | If you ask them, yes, they’ve been screaming at me all night. TLDR at the bottom. I am a 20 year old female, my parents are letting me live rent free and started paying my car insurance because I am saving to move out this year.
My parents were out at the casino when I got home from work around 10. After eating and changing and updating my PS4 and Fortnite, I had set up a game with me and some friends. I was so excited. A lot of times my parents stay out til 4-5 in the morning, so me and my friends were excited to relax and play some Fortnite. That is just how I wanted to spend my night.
Barely 15 minutes into the game, I get a text from my mom.
Mom- Can you come pick us up?
Me- Yes, when?
Mom- Now, where are you?
Me- I’m home. Do you need me to come get you guys now?
Mom- Yes.
Me- Now? Are you sure?
Mom- Don’t be mean, now.
So. Um okay. I’m pretty disappointed because I can’t play when my parents get home, my set up is in the living room and talking over PS4 would be too loud. But hey, atleast they won’t drive home drunk. I hop in my car, throw on some music and drive pretty fine the whole way there. I’m able to get myself in a good mood fast. I like to drive at night. I pull up at the casino around midnight. I walk in and find my dad and...
“Why are you here?”
Mom had not told him I was coming to get them. So he’s extremely upset. I walk away and find mom and she’s excited to see me. I tell her that dad is upset that we are leaving and she’s confused too.
“We aren’t leaving.” And tries to give me money to play.
The next THREE HOURS are spent with them yelling at me about how I need to be there for them when they can’t drive home. Which...I was.
I tell them that I had a night planned and that sets them off. On and on for hours, even after we are finally home about how they provide me shelter and heat, how they work more than me and deserve their Saturday night!!
I did not take their Saturday night. They called me there. I feel like I am doing crazy. I really do feel like I’ve lost my mind. I’ve been crying on and off since we got home. They keep yelling at me whenever they see me.
Like? Yes. I live in their home past 18, I don’t work as much as them. Does that mean that I am the asshole for wanting a Saturday night to relax too?
I’m perfectly fine getting them if they need me, but I feel like it’s different. They didn’t need me, she just tried to trick me into hanging out at the casino with them. Which I didn’t want. I should get to spend my Saturday night how I want. They are acting as if I completely destroyed their night by showing up when they asked me to and then being sad when they wouldn’t leave.
tldr: I live at home at 20, my parents told me to come pick them up because they were drunk and couldn’t drive home from the casino. When I showed up they wouldn’t leave for three hours, and are calling me an asshole for not being cool and wanting to hang out at the casino with them. I had a night of video games with my friends planned that I canceled to go get them.
| HISTORICAL | {
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udN1flXWWaj3T13e0hXdqFeNTAjPYJU9 | a6lsf9 | {
"description": "snapping at my fiancée",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for snapping at my fiancée? | First off, on mobile so sorry if formatting sucks. This is probably gonna be long.
As a bit of background, my fiancée and I are both trans, and we're expecting a baby in 8 weeks.
My fiancée is bipolar, and unmedicated. She blames her insurance lapsing a while back a lot of the time, but refused to actually make an appointment with a therapist despite promising to do so repeatedly.
To combat her symptoms, she decides to smoke weed. A lot. Which is legal, but she's bought $100 worth of weed in the past two weeks, when we're struggling to finish getting ready for our daughters arrival.
Including buying from a ex-prostitute that she cheated on me with for pills while I was on bed rest due to bleeding early into the pregnancy.
I am currently not working due to medical issues, and am enrolled in a program to see if I can qualify for cash assistance to help pay our bills.
Onto today;
We went out to her friends house so she could pick up. I had to pick up new maternity pants and such for uniform requirements, so I went with her. She got mad that I had to try on clothes and snapped at me for "saying everything so loudly" when I asked what her problem was, calling me a cunt and storming off. Now, I am autistic, and sometimes have volume control problems, so maybe I was being loud. I'm not sure on that part. But she was pissed because I was taking too long trying to find fitting clothes.
I was relieved she wasn't getting from the dealer she cheated with, but it ended up being an hour away. And we ended up having to sit there an hour and a half because he wasn't home from church yet, and wouldnt answer his phone. When he finally showed up, they went on for ten minutes and then we left for another hour ride home in the dark.
I hadnt eaten all day, which is on me, but I didn't think we would be gone all day either.
We got home, and she decided to smoke with everyone and told me to pick a movie for after, since I cant hang out while they smoke because of the baby.
And I snapped at her about how we were supposed to be cleaning today and finishing cleaning and setting up the baby's things in case she comes early, because she's promised to help me for two weeks now. So I stormed away, and immediately felt bad for snapping, and about ten minutes later apologised for snapping while she sat and looked dejected because I didn't want to watch a movie with her. I still feel bad, but am currently trying to cool off alone because I dont want the stress effecting the baby.
I really didn't mean to upset her, and I know there are things she cant help due to her bipolar, and I feel bad for snapping when I should've kept a more level head.
So what's the word, am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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915yyuYz0re9HZf6QquU2FQKcrLH4K6s | avyj8k | {
"description": "not paying my suspicious insurance",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not paying my suspicious insurance? | AS A PREFACE: I know I just posted about my medical bill; this is completely unrelated, but sort of similar.
I'm gonna keep it short this time, cause I'm having a rough day.
My insurance company for my car stopped billing me during my coverage. I didn't notice until I got a huge bill on the mail *6 MONTHS LATER*, also telling me that I'm no longer insured because they "couldn't" bill me, even though it was through my bank account, which always had enough to pay them monthly. My agent even literally told me it was their fault.
Now, I have no insurance with no heads-up and literally no money to pay for their mistake. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
px2CchhGfVbZKedHSFchG5zN0OVcvlNs | addngz | {
"description": "wanting to spend spring break away from my parents and with my boyfriend instead",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to spend spring break away from my parents and with my boyfriend instead? | Hi everyone. If y’all want a bit more detail, I made a similar post to relationship advice but would also like all of your inputs.
Basically, through 2.5 years of college so far I have spent every break with my parents. This spring I would like to spend my 1-week spring break with my boyfriend. His birthday will be during that week and considering we are long distance when I’m away at school, we would both like to maximize time together when possible.
My parents are the ones actually submitting the money for my college but the money is mostly coming from a fund from my grandparents. Besides that and staying at my parents house for most of the time i’m at home, I am financially independent. I am able to pay for any transportation during spring break.
I don’t plan on ditching my parents all the time starting now. I simply would like to spend one break with someone else as I’ve been with my parents for basically 20 years straight.
My parents are telling me that I need to or should spend the break with them and that I don’t need to spend time with my boyfriend.
AITA for wanting to not hang out with my parents for this one break? Similarly, AITA if I try to reason with my parents or outright telling them I won’t see them during the break? Thank you! | HISTORICAL | {
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MTg3u1uphCv2jYekLAxjHXmwXv38Huof | avyauv | {
"description": "going on a roadtrip without my boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA to go on a roadtrip without my boyfriend? | So my 21st birthday is in a month, and it happens during spring break. It's my last year in college, so I wanted to do something to celebrate. I've been with my boyfriend for a little under 2 years now, and we were planning on going on our first road trip during this time. Our original plan was to go to Zion national park in Utah, but then we changed it up and decided to go Pheonix/Sedona/Flagstaff (AZ) then Vegas (NV).
Not too long ago, my bf found out that he was no longer eligible for his student loan and isn't receiving it anymore. No money = no road trip. I'm definitely not mad at him even though his situation sucks and puts me in a suckish position. When I told my mom (who I'm super close with), she said she would be down to go on a road trip with me instead, preferably to Vegas. She is usually the person I go to for advice on my personal conflicts, but she suggested it so now I don't know what to think.
Would I be the asshole if I went to Vegas with my mom, even though I was planing on going with my bf until circumstances changed?
I just want to play Top Golf. *\*sigh\** | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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Tt68W90zhtyW1AoALTjONKRIDcnQ1upB | 9xsj4z | null | AITA On this revenge | When I was in college I had a boyfriend and we were together for almost 3 years when we and my friends were introduced to this girl, let’s call her E. So she has a kid and is a single mom, she is always mooching on us for fancy food or money even tickets to cinema because baby daddy give her shit and she had to spend so much on her kid. Anyway she was always telling me that I will lose my boyfriend because I was such a spoiled brat with him... well after a few months I found some message exchange between both and after found them together I dump his ass. A few weeks after she sent me some messages telling me that I’m such an idiot and that she is enjoying what I lost. Fast forward a few years he dumped her ass principally because his mom hated her since she was single mom and she was whoring around, she is old (34 yo) and alone and I’m married to a beautiful European guy, so I saw her in fb friend suggestions and decided to send her a message. I told her that I’m so good now with my husband and she will be alone forever, karma for being a bitch, an that baby daddy hates her, and that I was sorry and lol on her. Was I an a-hole? | HISTORICAL | {
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UBm9fwHFPlTmG7zLSk4jOyBAzstsDObV | aymswv | {
"description": "being pissed both sides of my family never really invite me on vacation",
"pronormative_score": 51,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for being pissed both sides of my family never really invite me on vacation? | I am a 25/F. My parents have been divorced since I was two years old. I grew up with two families but never fit into either side of my family. I was always different. No one else was born from both my parents like I was. I’ve known both my step parents for 20 years.
My dads family is very wealthy and they constantly go on vacation and invite me last minute. I’m never involved in the planning. So therefore I can’t ask off work in time to go. I live three hours away and went to college three hours away from them and they hardly visited me. They always visited my stepmoms son in college who lived ten hours from them. My brothers on that side get BMWs, vacations, concert tickets constantly, nice dinners, etc.
My mom and my stepdad took my sister and her boyfriend at the time to Cabo last year. I wasn’t even informed they were there until I called them and they told me they were at the time share. I asked my mom what the fuck? And she said sorry I thought you and your sister would fight. I said no. We get along just fine.... I would have paid for the trip if I would have known about it. My mom is a penny pincher when she can be.
I got so upset at my mom today when she told me that her my stepdad my sister and her new bf are all going on a cruise together. She said she looked for another room but it didn’t work that way in that you couldn’t get a room with just one person instead of a couple. I told her that’s bull. She then told me that it would be weird cause I would be a fifth wheel. I told her again, if it’s about money I will pay. I just want to hangout with my family and feel included since I never felt included my entire life with my family. Fuck. They visit my sister every other weekend for her volleyball tournaments ten hours away and they hardly would drive thirty minutes into town to see me where I live. I planned a dinner date with them earlier last week and my mom tried changing the date of the dinner the day of for some bullshit reason. I told her I wouldn’t cause of work.
I cried and told her no one ever includes me in anything hardly or seems to see me as anything more than a financial burden so that’s why I tried to separate from my family and be financially independent at a young age cause I didn’t want to bother them any more than I had to.
I’m a child of divorce and my parents used me as a messenger to discuss issues they had between. I could see at a young age I was an emotional and burden. I didn’t ever speak up about anything ever because I didn’t want to make anyone more uncomfortable or upset because I just knew my existence caused discomfort to my family.
So am I the asshole for being upset about this? | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 51,
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eltdseGGxQTHhpccqyjmthczmcUrMdpb | ad321w | {
"description": "changing my Microsoft password",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for changing my Microsoft password? | So a little bit of backstory: my step-brother lives at my dad's house, which I go to every other weekend. Him and I received an Xbox One (OG) back in 2014, and it's stayed at my dad's since then. He's been using my Xbox account to play with his friends since then, and I have only used my account here and there on my 360 and my PC.
Well, I finally got an Xbox One S for at my mom's house, and I had told him a while ago that if I ever got one, I'd be taking my account back. (It has a lot of my digital purchases and such on it). But now that I have my Xbox, he's not giving up my account. He told me earlier today that he was trying to make a new account, but he kept getting an error, and he said that he's been trying all day. I know he's lying because I was able to get on the website just fine.
Anyway I've decided that I'd had enough and I changed the password without telling him, so I ask you, am I the asshole for that? | HISTORICAL | {
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gcCYO6FNyd2PLE1d1ppduafmMaz49z0L | axf7lh | {
"description": "cutting off friends",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | WIBTA for cutting off friends? | I am in a class that requires a mini group project and a main group project. At the beginning of the semester, my two friends and I agreed to be in a group for both. Groups could be max three people. So the mini project comes along and we all do an equal share of work. No issues. A week later my grandpa passes away and I take the next day to grieve. I inform them that I cannot make it to the meeting that day and why. One expresses her sympathy, we'll call her E and the other one G. Later that day, E told me sh'ed be doing the main project with someone else and that I'd have two days to find a new person before groups had to be submitted. I double checked with G to see if we would still be in a group and she said no she was doing it alone. I went back to E to ask if I could be the third person in her new group considering I was under the impression that we were in a group and everyone else had groups. Her new partner refused to entertain the idea. I do not know why as she and I had never really interacted before.
The next mini project meeting to split up the work was two days later and I did not attend as I was still grieving. I admit I was an AH and did not tell them I was not going. I reached out the next day asking what I needed to do. Flash forward, I do my part and leave some comments that I needed input on before I could finish. The next meeting I had to come an hour late to because of work, which I explained in advance. By the time I got there, they had completed erased my section and rewrote it. They told me it would fit better in the results section, but they didn't save it and I did not remember what I wrote. We redistributed the remaining sections. E wanted it done that same day, 5 days before it was due. I said I couldn't but if they needed me to, I could have it done the next day. I was not given a response. My section not being done didn't affect the ability to write the other sections. I didn’t get a chance to until today, 2 days before it's due. I get a message saying they are going to print the final draft. I said I still needed to add the one section, which would take all of 15 minutes. This is when I get told they already wrote it.
They never told me they needed it done Friday or checked in to remind me if they were under the impression it was going to be. I am annoyed that my name is going to be attached to something I had no input in. I don’t want credit for something I didn’t do. I told them that after this is turned in, I no longer wish to have contact with them. E came to see me asking what she had done wrong. I wasn't in the state of mind to have a civil conversation. Even if I tell her what upset me, would I be wrong to cut them off since I feel I can no longer trust them | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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GS1KDEKIwvyg4NP7wLmVIycoCl9KAuJ8 | amf9sp | {
"description": "telling my girlfriend to listen to Freebird when I broke up with her because it basically explained what I was going through",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 11
} | AITA for telling my girlfriend to listen to Freebird when I broke up with her because it basically explained what I was going through? | Don't really feel like getting into details, but she seemed pretty mad when I said it. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 2,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 11
} | WRONG |
rLwJ1gYb9fN0KuurpR853ytYySas8ZwG | azn8ev | {
"description": "not tipping",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 23
} | AITA for not tipping? | I recently went into a chain hair salon to get a haircut. So I check in online, head over, really nice lady cuts my hair, we talk a little about movies and plans and stuff, everything goes great. Great haircut, looks good, I have every intention of tipping 20%. At this particular establishment, haircuts are $15, so 20% would be $3.
Anyway, once she is done cutting my hair, we walk over to the register and I realize I don’t have any singles in my wallet. I end up paying with a 20, hoping to get some singles in change. Instead, I get a 5 dollar bill, so I decide against giving her anything extra and I leave.
On the way home, I started to feel really bad about not tipping the lady. When I got home, I texted somefriends about it and asked what they thought. Some said it was the lady’s mistake that she gave me a 5 instead of singles, so I didn’t have to tip. Others said I should’ve asked for singles instead of a 5. It’s kind of been bothering me for a little while, and I feel like I need some more opinions on the matter.
So Reddit, AITA? Should I have asked for singles instead of just taking the 5? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
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} | WRONG |
T2JtGPkVhoQZcHUDbc6hDpNprOQl3iDt | aglzhx | {
"description": "saying something",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for saying something? | I'll make try to make this short. I \[M50\] recently got transferred to a new unit (IT) within my uni. I was in academic system support, so I worked with a lot of sensitive egos, so I know when and where to use certain language and am very sensitive to workforce diversity. The workplace I work in now are a bunch of ex-systems guys (there is literally three women and two are assistants) who have created a toxic "smack you in the ass attaboy" kind of environment that is full of sex, age, and any other discriminatory language you can think of.
I've got a few years under my belt and I have heard so much stuff slung around, so...most of the time I brush it off. But lately, I have been getting the "old guy" schtick from the new 30 yo recently promoted Tech-Wiz manager (we will refer to him as TW). This is the guy who definitely knows his stuff, but has the mentality of a 20 yo drunken rugby player. Type of guy who has zero respect for experience and thinks "old guys" should just shut up and retire. He and a few of his cohorts (including one of our PMs) have created a real "boys club" gang who looks to make fun of and exploit any differences. Basically, public humiliation for the LOLs.
So, today, I go to ask a question in PM's office that is from a VP. High priority get it know stuff. Everyone knows this kind of request. TW is standing in his office and I stand outside for a second to hear they are shooting the shit about football or something totally unrelated to work. PM asked me what I needed and TW says "He doesn't need anything" and literally slams the door in my face. I can hear them chuckle behind the door. I say whatever and walk off. They open the door and do that "C'mon man, I was just joking." I was pissed and just asked him, "Do you have to work at being such a dick or does it just come naturally?" I got the "what?" reaction from a few people, but most of my office (I said it just load enough) just smiled as they knew what was what and had been treated the same by TW. PM followed me back to my office and was telling me, "Sorry about that, man. You know...it was just a joke." I said, maybe, but young buck needs to figure out how to speak to people and not try to humiliate everyone based upon his own social insecurities.
So, it has created a real tension in the office and I am now waiting on my manager to come back (who is also's TW's manage) to come back for a discussion. Seems that the "conflict" has created tension, but I am afraid I am about to get railroaded as they are all members of the same team. For obvious reasons, I keep tons of written notes and audio recordings of encounters, so there is a history of racist, homophobic, and ageism. Especially before TW got promoted (he is trying really hard to be a good boy.)
I am not out to get this guy fired and I am not sure where the conversation will go, but I'm tired of these young tech-bro's . Fuck 'em.
&#x200B; | HISTORICAL | {
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} | RIGHT |
ECFxzK7Md9Eg6PhMjFoSHZz0NqGp9hPY | b36g3j | {
"description": "kicking my brother out of our house",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for kicking my brother out of our house | Ob= older brother (not related)
M=mom
Mb=moms boyfriend
(Backstory) ob got out of jail after 1 year for a car crash and just recently got out and works at subway (this is important later on)
Ob at the time of writing this is 18 years old and started to live with us again in a small room in our house. When he got out he seemed chill and better before he went away, but after a month or so he went back to his old ways of stealing candy, running from the police etc... (Nothing to bad). But it got worse over the last few months, Our dog Baya gave birth to 15 baby puppies and we plan on keeping one and giving another to my grandma, lately he's been referring to his friends as his dogs (he contributed nothing towards raising them) and says he plans on selling all of my puppies. Everyone in the house disagrees with him but he won't listen, every so often hell try (and sometimes succeds) at taking a few to his friends house. Lately he's been telling us that he'll "find them homes" But the problem is they're still going and not ready to be given away yet. Our family has gotten fed up with his shit and whe he's gone my siblings (and sometimes parents) will consult with each other about what we should do about him. We've constantly told him that if he doesn't stop well kick him out and hell be homeless and won't be able to support himself (hence why I said he works at subway). We all eventually decided we're going to get rid of him in about 2-4 months. When he heard about this he started rambling saying stuff like "I have other places I could live" And "you guys are assholes".we do feel bad about this but we also know he'll go right back to being his former self.
So please tell me redditors, are we the assholes?
(If you have any questions please ask I'll try to respond as truthfully as I can) | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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hJyiFL301oFW1iiFhnGKTdg9KZayF0LG | a5sp03 | {
"description": "dropping a friendship that was tainted by the other person's actions",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for dropping a friendship that was tainted by the other person’s actions. | So my best friend of 7 years started dating my ex-girlfriend after they both promised they would never date each other (I didn’t make them make this promise). During their relationship he never owned up to it and constantly lied about it. While she tried to guilt me and make me feel like a d-bag because I didn’t approve. After constant anxiety and depression caused by that, I dropped both of them. Now they’re labeling me as the asshole because I “was too selfish and ruined a friendship because I didn’t want them to be happy with each other” (quote by ex)
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
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bMXPwSXJTUfFYXpJ8Ouuyd6dFzqpicum | addn9l | {
"description": "not wanting to intervene the fights between my mom and my sister anymore",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to intervene the fights between my mom and my sister anymore? | Context: I’m 17 and from a Mexican-American family with divorced parents, but live with my mom, younger sister (14). and older brother. Since my parents’ divorce though, I’ve felt the need to step up as a somewhat head of the house due to my older brother not caring about the happenings in our household, and my mother not knowing much English.
For about the past two years, my sister’s behavior has changed so dramatically to the point that she’s tried running away, disappearing for hours at a time without telling anyone to go with her boyfriend, stealing money from my mom’s purse, and even attempting suicide. My sister and my mom are constantly fighting (at times getting physical) over what each of them is allowed to do: sister claiming that my mom’s doesn’t want her to be happy and she should be free to do whatever makes her happy; mom claiming that she’s an out of control street rat who doesn’t care at all about anyone/anything, not even herself. My dad still lives in town, and is used as a threat by my mom, but my siblings and I are so turned against him that it doesn’t work as a threat anymore on her. Each of them are incredibly unhappy and childish at times, but each of their arguments seem somewhat valid yet wrong at the same time so I can’t side most times.
I’ve always been the mediator in our family as I’m the most rational and least temperamental, but over time have gotten backlash from both sides for supporting the other. Attempting to deal with all of this at home plus my own problems at school has just devastated me mentally to where I’ve been seeking help and have been instructed now to not meddle in their situation anymore. But since I’ve always been the one to “fix” and work out since my parents separated, my mom just always expects me to be on her side and back her up no matter what, despite the drawbacks doing so has on me and my own relationship with my sister/siblings. She depends way too much on me and seeing as how I’ll be gone for college before too long, it’s not good for anybody.
I just don’t want to care anymore. No matter how much I just want either side to understand each other. But I just can’t anymore- it’s not good for me. Am I the asshole for backing out of this situation- even though my mom would have no one and the situation would still be just as broken?
TL,DR: Mom and sister constantly fighting over what each of them want. I’m always the mediator, but don’t want to have to play that role anymore due to declining mental health. Am I the asshole for backing out of the situation? | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
qfeWgtHTUwC7xxzaOZidHRlFXauUm7w5 | b0s1gf | {
"description": "being annoyed that my boyfriend doesn't want me to dye my hair",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for being annoyed that my boyfriend doesn’t want me to dye my hair? | I’ve always had wacky hair colours, I’ve done every colour of the rainbow, even half pink half purple. It’s how I like to express myself. I also used to have quite a few piercings in my ears and my septum and smiley done, I took these out at the beginning of the new year as I decided to do the whole ‘new year, new me’ cringe fest and decided I wanted to look ‘normal’. So I ended up dying my hair brown for the first time in years.
Now when I started dating my boyfriend I had neon pink hair, and he never said he didn’t like it, in fact I think I remember him saying he liked that I was ‘alternative looking’. I have also been friends with him for many years so he has seen my hair go through all of it’s phases.
The other day I bought some dark blue hair dye, I knew I didn’t want to do anything too drastic to my hair but wanted a change, so decided this would be a good colour to go for. I texted my boyfriend that I was going to dye my hair and he just replied ‘right ok’ - I knew something was wrong. He then went on to tell me how he prefers me with natural hair and looking more natural (no piercings ect). I instantly got upset and began to cry, I just feel that my hair is a big part of me, it’s how I express myself and it gives me confidence that I otherwise definitely lack. I suppose it’s good that he likes me naturally but I’ve always had crazy hair so does this mean that he didn’t find me attractive before?
So AITA and overreacting for being upset that he doesn’t want me to dye my hair? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
DA8RxuAgMqZ4GlGNwWmkfq7i5DPo5622 | 9zza0a | {
"description": "making a coworker return a \"small\" amount of money she took without asking",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 12
} | AITA for making a coworker return a “small” amount of money she took without asking? | I have a female coworker named “Steph”. Steph and I have never really seemed to get along, but we work well together. We have clashed a few times over a myriad of issues, but we mostly make it through the day, and are both experienced in our field.
So anyway, one day an auditor came in for a surprise inspection, and unfortunately, I was dinged for a few items. No big deal really. My supervisor educated me on it, and I learned from my mistake. During this time, I thought of a pretty neat idea that all my teammates could participate in, so that we don’t repeat the errors I was dinged for in the first place. I would make “swear jar” type or contest in which all employees had to throw in a dollar every time a particular infraction took place. It was fun and everyone seemed receptive to it, and in about two weeks we had about $15 in the jar. It was undecided what we would do with the money, but for sure it was going to be for something fun for the whole team, like a pizza party or a team outing.
So one day I come into work and I notice that the jar was empty. I found out through some coworkers that Steph emptied the jar, and spent the money on “sodas for lunch.” Apparently, our supervisor bought everyone pizza one day, but no drinks. Steph was a little upset about this, so she used the jar money on beverages for the team. I was visibly upset about this and approached Steph the next time we worked together to ask to her to please return the money. She replied “Well, our supervisor neglected to buy us beverages for the pizza, so I used the money for that”. I reminded her that the jar money was not for that purpose, and to please return the money. Steph then replied “Once our supervisor pays me the money she owes me for the party rentals, I’ll return the jar money” (At this point I should mention that we had our Xmas party at Steph’s house. Apparently she rented some tables and chairs for the party, and our supervisor was supposed to pay her back for the rentals, but never did.) I told her that I have nothing to do with that, this is a separate issue, and she still refused.
Time goes by, she got reimbursed for the chairs, and I repeatedly asked Steph to return the money, and she still refuses. For what reason, I don’t know. I tried everything, reasoning with her, publicly shaming her, etc. Finally, after many months, (seriously) I had enough and told our supervisor about Steph taking the money, and refusing to pay it back. Finally, after a lot of back in forth, Steph returns the money. But now, quite a few people at work are upset at me for “making a big deal out of it” and getting Steph in trouble. I personally don’t care about the backlash, and it’s the principle of the matter that matters to me. Some of my coworkers even told me “I can’t believe you made such a big deal over $15” And now I am second guessing my decision to tell my supervisor.
Am I the asshole?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 12
} | WRONG |
RI4LQykWKdtRHBmLhYPxXs8DZ0c7FrFb | b5omiz | {
"description": "saying it would have been better if you let me know earlier for my bro's wedding",
"pronormative_score": 22,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for saying it would have been better if you let me know earlier for my bro's wedding? | So my little brother calls me 6 days before his wedding just to "tell" me about him having a wedding. He doesn't ask if I want to go, no invitation, nothing of the sort.
He says, "Hey I'm getting married next Sunday and I just want to give you the heads up"! I promptly congratulate him and because it was a last minute notice, I assume that it's a simple courthouse marriage. However, I was startled when he says he's having a wedding... WTF right?
&#x200B;
To add to that, he tells me it's on a whim because he's shipping out for the Air Force in 8 days and wants to get married right before going. He is doing it for the benefits as you get more going in married so I can understand all that.
He also adds that the bride's family wants something big for their daughter so that is why they are having a wedding. Again, I can understand the thing with the bride and her family, but why tell me just 6 days prior to? Is it actually possible to prepare a wedding that fast?
&#x200B;
I would also like to add that I live overseas but very flexible so I can go to my brother's wedding even with the late notice, but as I continue to talk to my brother, the conversation is just chit-chat. Not once does he ask if I want to come. We chat for about an hour and the invite never came. So I got the message that I'm not invited.
&#x200B;
The next morning, my mother calls and she tells me to just go. I'm reluctant but the benefits of going totally outweigh not going. So I go online and reserve a ticket. unfortunately, as I was reserving a ticket, I realized that my passport expired. How unlucky is that with just 5 days to go before the wedding!!! I'm pissed!
Now I'm working on trying to renew my passport but it has to be a life or death emergency to get it renewed in a day. I even contacted an old colleague who works for the State Dept. but it doesn't look promising.
&#x200B;
As family, this whole thing with my brother telling me about the wedding last minute and not inviting me really upsets me? He and his fiance had to plan this ahead of time right?
&#x200B;
So, for the benefit of the doubt I bit the bullet and called him back and asked him directly if he actually wants me to go and he says yes.
I tell him, "thank you for the invite, I wish you said that last night! Btw, my passport expired but I'm working on it". He tells me that it's fine if I can't make it because it was so last minute. I reply, " Yes it is last minute but it would have been so much better if you let me know about your wedding much earlier."
I didn't expect anything after saying that but I think that was the trigger that blew him up. He was yelling so much that I could not understand most of what he was saying. From this point on, it's a one way conversation of him bringing up past drama I don't even care about.
&#x200B;
TLDR; so with just 6 days notice (5 days now) AITA for saying it would have been better if you let me know earlier? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 16,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 22,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
8olBQ3bQfOzfOu5y74HuhWkAu49QGTNB | 9tc7a0 | {
"description": "cutting off a friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for cutting off a friend? | Bear with me, this is a long story. I should start this off by saying I am a young male who met a young female in college a few years ago, pretty standard.
We met at the very end of freshman year, and became fairly close friends, her and some of our friends went out a couple times to grab coffee and talk about life. The next year, she transferred to another college about 40 minutes away and we fell out of touch. About a year later, a friend and I visited her for a weekend but we kind of fell out of touch again after that.
Fast forward to early this year, she commented on one of my snap stories and we started talking again. She told me about some rough drama she was going through with a shitty ex and her friends who encouraged his manipulative behavior, I’ll spare you the details. I gave her some advice and we started talking again pretty regularly, every day.
As for the dynamic between us, I always assumed we were just friends since although I’d consider myself a fairly good looking guy, she was like an 8.5-9/10. I naturally assumed she was out of my league and I wouldn’t have made any moves regardless, considering she just had a messy breakup. But then she started flirting with me. Just subtle stuff but I brushed it off since I didn’t want to jeopardize our friendship, and also because of the aforementioned messy breakup.
Part of the advice I gave to her was that she was better off staying out of a relationship at the moment, because her friends were pressuring her to give another guy a chance, and she said he was a nice guy but she wasn’t ready for another relationship. Cue her friends getting mad at her, saying he was nice and he deserved a chance with her and she was being a bitch for shitting on this guy. Yeah, not very good friends. Anyway, she eventually did end up in a relationship with this guy, and stopped talking to me as much which insulted me, because if were just friends like I thought we were, talking to me shouldn’t be a problem. Either way, I stopped messaging back as much too because I didn’t know if her new guy was the jealous type and I didn’t feel like dealing with that.
A few months later, which is also a few months ago, she told me that her boyfriend had just been taken to jail for an offense that she wouldn’t tell me. I tried not to pry, all I got out of her was that he could be in there for a long time. She started messaging me daily again, and I started responding again. After another month she told me she was officially breaking up with him since it didn’t look like he was getting out of jail soon. Now she was talking to me pretty regularly again I figured we would pick back up and be friends once more, but here’s where everything started to get fucky.
She started flirting again, more intensely than before. She would send me Snapchats of her trying an outfit on and then zoom in on her ass, and I never really knew what to say to that because I knew she was trying to bait compliments out of me, most of the time I humored her. However, she always did it at the weirdest points. I used to be able to hold a conversation with her just fine, but now every other Snapchat would either be a video of her making kissy faces at the camera or just a picture of a plant or some random shit with zero text. Like how the hell do I even respond to that? We were just talking about the Taj Mahal and then you sent me a video of your ass, I have no idea what to say. So I flirted back, figuring that’s what she wanted. Every time I would reciprocate though, she would immediately jump back into oh-we’re-just-friends mode. Friends don’t send friends close ups of their tits and make kisses at the camera, but what the hell do I know?
I started to get tired of this getting yanked around, so I tried inviting her to parties and outings to gauge the situation between us, at this point I didn’t care if we were just friends or something more, I just wanted to know where we stood. Every time I invited her somewhere, she would say yes, and then day of she would stop responding until the time frame of going to the event had passed, and then make up some excuse like she got too high and forgot she had plans (You got high and forgot about plans for five hours? Okay, whatever). Finally, the fifth time I invited her to something, it was dinner with my roommate and I,and she said yes. I told my roommate if she flakes on me one more time that I was done with her, I had been filling him in on the situation and he agreed with my choice.
Day of food plans, she messages me about dinner, asking if we’re still on. I said yeah, I’ll message you later tonight when we’re getting ready to leave soon. She said cool, sounds great. At 7pm I message her telling her we’re just about ready to go, and she replied that she had to run with a friend to a nearby town and that she would be back in about half an hour, and we can go then. I said that’s fine, as long as we leave before 8pm I can get a decent amount of sleep tonight, since my roommate and I had to get up at 4am for work the next morning. This is where I fucked up, I gave her a time frame.
She messaged me at 8:15 saying oh hey, sorry I’ll let you get your sleep, it’s past 8 so I guess we can’t go. I said no, it’s fine, I’ll just have Red Bull for breakfast, I’m okay with cutting into sleep time to hang out. She didn’t respond for the rest of the night. I told myself screw that, that’s it, I gave her so many chances to hang out and she has made zero effort to remain my friend. I cut her off, and haven’t messaged her since.
Side note, this may be a fair amount of speculation on my part, but I realized that the reason she became so bad at holding conversations was that all those weird Snapchats I got from her mid conversation of her ass or some random object with no text, those were probably just blanket messages that could be mass sent out to a bunch of people. So my thoughts are that I’m definitely not the only guy she’s talking to and she flirts with me just enough to keep me interested before going back into friend mode. A small amount of evidence I have for that is I got tired of her shit for a bit so I stopped messaging her for about two or three days, then out of nowhere she messaged me saying that her and one of our mutual friends agreed they would totally sleep with me (not a threesome, individually before anyone asks). After I messaged her back, she then acted like she never said it and went right back into just friends.
I should also add that I haven’t talked to her since she flaked for the last time, I’ve only opened her messages and haven’t responded for about a month. She hasn’t sent me anything asking why we don’t talk anymore, still just pictures of random shit with no text so I feel like she hasn’t even noticed. A part of me tells me that it’s good that I stopped talking to her and it’s the best thing for my own mental health, but there’s still a part of me that thinks I’m the asshole for overanalyzing shit and ruining a friendship. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
xVDw0lkd359IfDEkZ0Lj50cNq3jXGAd6 | agjmrp | {
"description": "walking a dog without specific permission from the owner",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for walking a dog without specific permission from the owner? | OK, a bit of a long story. tl;dr at the bottom. FYI for clarity, the story involves 4 men (all gay) and a dog.
&#x200B;
So my best friend lives across the street and his boyfriend has a dog. My friend's boyfriend's dog are there at least 50% of the time, and I see all of them a lot. The dog is a puppy, cute and very hyper. You can hear the dog crying from one house to another a lot, when the owner is away.
&#x200B;
A few months ago, the dog was hit by a car. I help find a vet, rush the dog there and stayed with the owner. Also in the past my friend, his boyfriend (the dog owner) and the dog have been at my place (without me being there) to use the hot tub. The dog has chewed up some rubber ducks from the hot tub, and shit in my yard in the past. From the hot tub, the dog my have left muddy prints in my house. No big deal, it's part of owning a dog. I get it. On two occasions in the past, I have taken the dog running. Once by myself, which involved a 2 mile drive then a 7 mile run in public. It's pretty much assumed other people are petting the dog. Because, as I said, it's a cute puppy and the dog craves attention. It's very sweet and has never hurt anyone or any dog ever in the past ever. Not even barked.
&#x200B;
So I have a guest in town that I have a romantic interest in. Everyone knows that. I took the day off work and my guest and I visited my neighbor friend across the street. My friend/neighbor works from home, and he briefly said something like "the dog wants attention" and that he was working at the moment in a group text. I offer to take my friend's boyfriend's dog to a walk in the greenbelt near by. It's a walk 5 blocks away to a heavily wooded trail area. We were gone 30 minutes or so.
&#x200B;
OK, I get it. I should have texted permission from the dog owner, not have gotten permission from the dog owner's boyfriend. They both have dogs and are a committed couple. My friend didn't see any issue with this, and got the leash etc. etc. The dog owner himself has a history of overreacting. Even he would admit such.
&#x200B;
So, he loses his shit because his dog is about a couple miles away in a safe, wooded area on a leash the whole time. His only real concern (his own words) is the dog could hurt someone. Before I even took the dog out, the dog owner's boyfriend said in a group text "\[Dog\] sure could use some company he's bored out of his mind watching me work" and when the owner blew up, his boyfriend (my friend) texted "He's fine, This is fine". But then the dog owner himself then texts "Why is my child (the dog) with that ratchet man (my guest)?"
&#x200B;
Dog is returned safe and sound. Still, the dog owner rushes out of work to our place. Comes over to my house, I apologize in person. But, still unhappy, he races away in his car, pissed off. Later that night the owner sends another group text reading me the riot act. He mentions my romantic interest and says "My dog is not a 'cute' little thing you can use to gain points with whomever you are fucking for a few days".
&#x200B;
LT;DR - I walk a dog I spend a lot of time. The dog was a couple of miles away tops, with the permission of dog owner's boyfriend,( but not the dog owner). No one was hurt in any way. I get read the riot act, and the dog owner personally attacks me and someone I'm seeing for it. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
AjLtcyDRCD5yndzXKYl82He3l9BXFVYr | ao3xab | {
"description": "being unsure if I should even do anything for my gf on their birthday and valentines day",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For being unsure if I should even do anything for my GF on their birthday and valentines day? | I'm nervous posting on here and I hope this is the right place to post this. Hope I get it right. I'll try my best to give all the necessary information I can. I'm very self aware that I'm not perfect and I never claimed to be.
My GF (44) and I (44) have been dating for roughly 3.5 years. For about the first year, year and a half, we didn't live together. We'd go out and talk about whatever and I thought we really got to know each other well. I felt like we were on the same page on a lot of different topics. One of them being about holidays in which a gift or card of some sorts was the "norm". We both agreed that at our ages, birthday's were just another day, no big deal, unless it was a major mile stone (next one would be like when we turn 50). Valentines, sweetest day to us, is just a way for companies to profit off of people.
After that, a new job opportunity presented itself for her. We talked and decided lets try living together. We've been living, in my home, for the remainder of our relationship. I've tried my best to make living accommodations for her so she feels comfortable. I moved out of my room so that she could have her own bathroom and let her decorate the whole upstairs (aside from repainting) however she wanted.
Being the person I am and knowing that she's had some crappy relationships, just like I have had in the past, for the first 2 years I actually went against what we agreed are "just another day". I would get her a birthday gift and cook her favorite meal and at least get flowers/card for her on the other 2 days. Now I know what my expectations are/should be, as we discussed them in the first half of our relationship. Without ever bringing it up or even using it against her, I never got really got anything. I think she may have cooked for me on my birthday the first year we were together.
Fast forward to 2019, over at least the past year, year and half, our relationship has been really strained. We never do anything together, we barely are in the same room at the same time. We've had a lot of arguments and can't really talk about anything anymore unless its a neutral topic. We eat together when one of us cooks or I bring food home to eat, as long as we're getting home from our jobs roughly around the same time. I used to plan it so food would be done in time that we both would eat at the same time.
I feel like I've been rambling on, so I'll just leave it at that.
Summary:
I've basically had enough, feel underappreciated and have no desire to get her anything anymore even on special occasions even thought that's not really the person I am.
&#x200B;
&#x200B;
&#x200B; | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
0EnvrXBR3hyguV0g25Deca6ts8OnzF6H | b8irra | {
"description": "not letting my girlfriend have a tv in the kitchen",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for not letting my girlfriend have a tv in the kitchen | My girlfriend moved into my house at the beginning of the year, January. When she moved in, my house was moderately modified to accommodate her furniture as well as an entire replacement of kitchen ware, due to her religious dietary needs. Prior to her moving in, my house was meticulously renovated, designed, and decorated, as my profession is in architecture and I had always had a ‘vision’ for my first home.
When I renovated my home a few years ago, I elected to not put a cable connection for tv in the two bedrooms. I never really watch tv, let alone cable television, so I didn’t see a need for it. Especially as I can watch Netflix through my tv in the bedroom. My girlfriend is really into cable television. All she watches are reality tv shows and the news. When she first moved in, I didn’t even have cable in the main living room tv, and when she moved in I called the cable company to come and install so that she can have her shows. We’re currently in the midst of installing cable tv in the bedrooms now too, per her request.
Recently she’s now asked for cable tv in the kitchen. This is where I drew the line and said no. She got upset at me for it. The reason I said no is because my house isn’t very large to begin with (1,300 sq.ft.). I think a tv in the kitchen will look odd and out of place. It’s not a large kitchen and having a tv there I feel just kills the mood and feel of my kitchen. Her argument is that she can’t hear or watch the tv while she’s in the kitchen cooking and cleaning, which she’s been doing a lot of lately due to her unemployment status the last few months. I told her hopefully she’ll find a job soon and she won’t be in the kitchen for hours on end because she’ll be busy at work.
I can tell she’s upset. I just don’t want to have a small home filled with televisions, nor do I want to set the precedent of all this tv watching, and I really think putting a tv in the kitchen will kill the vibe and look of the kitchen I worked so hard to design. Am I the asshole for saying "No" to a television in the kitchen? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 8
} | RIGHT |
cVRaJTj8NuEaLk56BA9ubYnfUfeekN0g | ajaj4e | {
"description": "refusing to give up my window seat on a long flight to a mom who wanted to sit next to her husband and kid",
"pronormative_score": 87,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for refusing to give up my window seat on a long flight to a mom who wanted to sit next to her husband and kid? | Yes, I am an asshole.
I paid extra for my window seat and the lady who turned around was sitting in a middle seat.
If they wanted to sit together they should've checked in earlier, right?
What do you think? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 80,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 87,
"WRONG": 7
} | RIGHT |
2TOAGeLaUSrZIxU8g1AXz9nKqBDf3eix | avll8e | {
"description": "not wanting to live with my girlfriend unless I actually have a room",
"pronormative_score": 24,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to live with my girlfriend unless I actually have a room? | I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years. She's great.
We're currently living in a one bedroom place, but she'd like to get a bigger place with more people next semester to save money, and I think it's a great idea. It's a two bedroom two bathroom apartment in a nice area.
But here's the thing, her sister wants to live with her. In the same room. And our friend already called a room to himself. So where does that leave me? The living room.
My girlfriend and I are both college students that work while the other two only work, and I tend to do a lot of reading and studying in my room. She also said the rent would be split equally 4 ways, but I think the guy in the living room should pay a smaller cut. And then my girlfriend and her sister also want their mom to move up there. What the fuck even, I feel like I'm not even being considered. Apparently only 5 people are allowed to be on the lease, and I'd be in the living room with their mother while two people have a room, one guy has his own room, and two people share the small living room.
When I bought up my worries to my girlfriend, she just said she's always wanted to live with her sister. I told her that I respected that, but that I can't live in a situation like that. Her sister is the one who applied for her, so I'm sol in terms of lease security. It honestly kinda hurts because I've stood up and supported her, and now she's insisting I stay in the living room. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 22,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 24,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
yDmOD2hjEAf7xgxYcv9weAdHaxiN8YJw | aw0dk5 | {
"description": "not thinking my GF's problem was enough reason to stay home from class",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA not thinking my GF’s problem was enough reason to stay home from class | &#x200B;
My \[19M\] gf \[24F\] and I have been in a long distance relationship for almost a year. We've met up in person plenty of times, but its difficult due to the fact that I live in Kansas and she lives in Maine.
I love my girlfriend, but just like anyone, she has her insecurities. From recent events, I am not quite sure she handles them very well. She has had a past of emotional and physical abuse from all of her ex-boyfriends and from her mom's ex-boyfriend. This abuse included punching her in the face, choking, insults, and outright ignoring her. As a result, she is very sensitive about what I say about her and whether I am ignoring her.
The incident that I am posting about involved a mean IG post by her ex targeted at her about how he is happy in his new relationship and how he thinks his new girlfriend is pretty and nice to him. The part that bothered my girlfriend the most is that he implied she was not nice to him during their relationship (despite the fact that he would punch her for snoring) and he never told her she was pretty during their relationship. On top of that, she thinks his relationship is a sham because she had next to no intimacy with her ex and the girl he is dating was a lesbian before they started their relationship. On top of that, she had been excommunicated from her group of friends for suggesting that dating a former lesbian was a bad idea.
My girlfriend called me at 7am as I was leaving for an 8am class (I actually had 3 back to back classes) and told me about what he posted. I thought it was horrible for him to target her like that especially after her friends had left her in the dust. However, I had class and I needed to go. At this point, she started crying about how she didn't want to be alone. I pushed that I should go to class and I will be there for her afterwards. I ended up missing my first two classes from talking to her, during which she said that if I leave I don't care about her and its over. At one point she actually paid me $100 to stay claiming I care more about money than her (what?). I paid that right back to her. I told her I HAD to go to my third class because I had a test (which was true). Afterwards, I ended up compromising with her that I would call into work later that day for my 5pm-9pm shift to be with her due to the fact that I had gone to class.
I have expressed to her since all of this that telling me that our relationship is over when I'm just worried about my classes is hurtful, and she has apologized for that. However, she has insisted that in the future I should be willing to stay home if she is upset about a similar issue. To give her credit, she has helped me tremendously with my coursework and she does her best to make sure I stay on track, and I really do love her. I want to do the best by her, so tell me, AITA for not thinking that an upsetting, targeted instagram post should be considered an emergency? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
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