id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
TKC7zo9RhaqC3Gna0RyogmjopjKsdxdw | ap3ynm | {
"description": "refusing to walk with my friend to a house party",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For refusing to walk with my friend to a house party? | There was this house party coming up and my friend wasn't invited to it for very fair reasons but he was still determined to go to the party despite not being wanted there so he arranged to meet up with me before hand.
Me and another friend decided to arrange to meet up before hand and walk there without him because we didn't want to be responsible for him and felt like we were just being used as a key to the house so he could get in to the party. However, we happened across the friend that wasn't invited just before we got to the house and he started trying to walk with us. We initially told him politely we did not wish to walk with him yet he still persisted so we became more stern and basically told him to go away. This is when he started calling us snakes for not sticking by him and went as far as saying he would have done it for us before getting pissed off and leaving.
He hasn't spoke to me since and it is a few days after the actual party despite the fact he turned up without us later and got into the house anyway. I'm starting to think I should have just gone with him. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
SyQjvn9Oh2QUzmzimim2r44lr8sRBf58 | a16mlf | {
"description": "not letting my father see my newborn child if he doesn't get his whooping cough booster",
"pronormative_score": 39,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not letting my father see my newborn child if he doesn't get his whooping cough booster? | I know Reddit loves to make fun of antivaxxers, but I'm legitimately wondering about this one.
My father has really put up a stink about getting Tdap (Whooping Cough booster) because he doesn't want to put that "poison" into his body. We then told him that it's his choice, but it's also our choice to not let him see the baby until she can start her immunizations. We've seen a number of babies in our area suffer from whooping cough, and my wife and I promised eachother that we would take every precautionary measure to make sure our baby doesn't get it. It's awful. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 39,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 39,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
MjgrQQfAfmInG9TfD9zCEvAqwvT01grW | asi20i | {
"description": "(possibly) affecting my boyfriend's uni choices",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for (possibly) affecting my boyfriend’s uni choices? | Hear me out.
My boyfriend has been talking about wanting to study in the Netherlands ever since we met. However, he had to retake his A-Levels exams and therefore missed many deadlines for uni applications, limiting his choices; not to mention he also didn’t score high enough to earn scholarships so many places were out of his price range. He considered just attending uni locally instead where he has a chance of doing a twinning programme in Australia, so he applied and got accepted. It’s important to note that he also gets a pretty big family discount at this uni.
The problem is this uni is pretty lacklustre in terms of facilities for his course which really worries him. He began applying to unis in the Netherlands and actually got accepted into all 3 that he applied for (I’m so proud of him!). While the facilities there would be far better than the ones here, the major concern is that a huge loan would have to be taken out in order for him to study there. Other concerns would be our relationship, him not being able to fly back during breaks due to air tickets being so pricey, and just generally him being away for 4 years with a 7-8 hour time difference.
Personally, I’m conflicted. I know I don’t have much of a say in this, but I really want him to stay not only due to our relationship (I realise that I am selfish in this regard) but also because his parents are old and I’m worried what if anything happens? However I also really want him to go to the Netherlands if that’s what’s gonna be best for him because I want him to thrive in life. I’ve told him all of this before, and I also made him promise me that he wouldn’t base his choice around me.
I’ve tried my best to not let my personal feelings get in the way of any discussions we have regarding his final choice, but one day something in me just snapped and I said some really mean and hurtful things, and basically just tried to guilt trip him into staying. I have since apologised, he accepted my apology and we made up. He subsequently decided to just attend uni locally; I was really worried that this choice was affected by our fight but he reassured me that it wasn’t, and that this is his choice entirely. However I just feel really bad about it because I don’t want him to regret this later on and then resent me for it.
So Reddit, AITA for maybe affecting his decision? Was it wrong of me to take our relationship into consideration, or tell him about what I thought? I’m still so conflicted, please help. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
9Pi9ikVxqO1VpFqVLEDYlAqavOOGhqK6 | ahogoq | {
"description": "thinking my friend could falsely accuse another friend of rape",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for thinking my friend could falsely accuse another friend of rape? |
My boyfriend and his friends go away for a weekend and this year I am able to go. I was told the weekend was solely devoted to getting as drunk as possible and hanging around having fun. At the time I was invited, I was the only female going and asked them if it was okay if I could bring a friend of mine. The OK was given, I asked, and she said yeah. I’ll call her E.
Sometime between late November and mid-December, E expressed to me that she had an “intrusive thought” (her words) of being drunk and woken up in the middle of the night with a guy on top of her trying to have sex. She said she knows it’s happened to other people and it could happen to her as well. I responded as compassionately as I could to reassure her that she would be fine and god forbid something did happen, I would hold the guy accountable and get authorities involved. At the end of the conversation it seemed that all fears were soothed and things would be fine.
That was until I got a text from E a few hours later saying she was going to meet a guy from Tinder in the near future. That wasn’t my problem, E is an adult and can do what she likes. My issue is with what was said next. She communicated that she had planned on watching movies with him and “getting dick” (again, her words). There was no other context, no clarification as to when this encounter would happen. I assumed (I know, I know) that it was going to be happening the day of them meeting for the first time. I was livid. In my mind, E had just accused these guys I consider friends to be predators and was fearful of them raping her, but was totally fine with hooking up with this Tinder guy she had never met before and had no fear of being assaulted by him. E never mentioned the fear of being assaulted by Tinder guy.
Another piece of information: E has told me that she’s attracted to not one but two, of my boyfriend’s friends who would be with us that weekend. I’ll call them T and J. J has a girlfriend and T has been single a few months now. T and E talked, but T wasn’t interested and it died off. E has expressed wanting to hook up with T but T is not that interested. T has said however that if he was intoxicated and feeling E, he would hook up with her if she still wanted to. I warned against it but we’re all adults and can make our own decisions.
I didn’t express my concerns and hurt with E about what she said until the next day when I felt that I could respond calmly. I asked her when she planned on hooking up with Tinder guy, where, and how and why I was upset that she thought my friends could be predators. She backtracked. Suddenly it was , “oh i’m not going to have sex with him, i’m scared of him too,” and so on. I felt a tad better, but a few days later that fear of mine popped up again. The conversations seemed weird to me and it didn’t seem like she cared that I was upset about what she said and was just trying to save face. It then crossed my mind that E could be actively seeking drama. I wanted to give E the benefit of the doubt, but the thought that she could ruin someone’s life because she was drunk and regretted hooking up with them was constantly on my mind. (E has said before that she doesn’t want her first time to be a hook up. If that were to happen I don’t see why she wouldn’t regret it later, especially if T doesn’t engage with her the way E wants him to. I know that some false accusations are indeed because the female was upset and vengeful.)
Disclaimer: I’ve never seen E really intoxicated so I don’t know how she is. She doesn’t have a history of lying or exaggerating things that have happened either. Doesn’t mean she wouldn’t. And mixing that with alcohol is not a good idea. At all. I could say the same for the guys, I’ve never seen them assault someone, but it doesn’t mean they wouldn’t. (just playing devil’s advocate here) There is also no history of assaults, physical or sexual, happening during this weekend in the past.
I rescinded E’s invitation for the sake of my sanity and so I can have a good time. Was it wrong of me to think she could possibly do that? Am I wrong for prioritizing my experience when she has no history of doing seedy things? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
wmxseD2L2lhAx8UR6LFDB4y09LcDsRCr | aorpkq | {
"description": "expecting my girlfriend to do certain \"naughty\" things with me that she did with past lovers even though she says she's outgrown them? more info I can't fit in title",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 21
} | AITA for expecting my girlfriend to do certain "naughty" things with me that she did with past lovers even though she says she's outgrown them? More info I can't fit in title. | I'm 23, girlfriend is 27. This is my first real relationship while she was married and had quite a few sexual partners before me and she did things like threesomes and maybe even orgies. I have a lot of learning and I think I have some insecurities because she's very good looking and I'm kind of fat and not good looking. I know that if I demand too much she can leave and have a new hook up in literally minutes while it could take me months or years to even get a response on tinder.
We have a really good sex life and I look forward to it so much and she's very giving and honestly she's down for sex any time I want it, maybe she wants it more. When I found out that she used to do things like an@l and group stuff I asked her when we could try it and she told me that was in her past and she had outgrown it. For the most part I'm cool with that and can deal.
But here's where I feel it gets weird. When she gets even a little buzzed around her older friends, she talks about all the sex stuff as if it's great memories and she wants to do it again someday. And all of this is right in front of me. As an example we were out with her friends tonight and she got drunk and next thing I know she and her friend were cuddling and giving each other back rubs and nuzzling necks and all the while they were saying things like "remember when we did this in Mexico with those frat guys?" and much worse but I won't get gratuitous. But they both agreed it was the "best time they ever had." Her fiends boyfriend was there and I found out they had a threesome with him too when they were in high school and all three were bragging about and I guess joking that they should drop me off and go relive a good memory.
When we got back to my place I asked why she won't consider having a threesome with me which was bad timing because of how drunk she was. And she told me she's explained to me that's her past. I said well it's sort of disrespectful to talk about her past and talk about having threesomes now that wouldn't include me. She said if I couldn't tell the difference between a joke and acting on it, I'm an idiot. I told her that was really mean and she said she hated me and called her friend and boyfriend to pick her up. Now I've been swearing it out for the last 4 hours freaking out because she won't respond to my calls or texts even though I said I was sorry.
Since me asking again why she won't do certain things with me is what caused the fight, am I the asshole for thinking she should do the same things with me that she did in her past? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 9,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 21
} | WRONG |
fghzQRWBijju9VPPiAhVy30K7nBZ7lYn | apcnyn | {
"description": "stealing a pair of underwear from my favorite rock star's tour bus. Asshole or embarrassing and dumb fan girl",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 13
} | AITA for stealing a pair of underwear from my favorite rock star’s tour bus. Asshole or embarrassing and dumb fan girl? | I’ve been a massive fan of a certain rock group and especially thier lead singer since I was in middle school (I’m 23 now). My ex boyfriend is working as a tour manager and got me a literal behind the scenes tour of backstage when they stopped in our city.
I didn’t get to meet the band but literally saw everything else, sound checks, food spread, and on and on. Ex asked if I’d like to see the tour bus and of course I said yes. He let me into the “bedroom” of the lead singer and there was like a Tupperware thing full of underwear (instead of a dresser) and when my ex wasn’t looking I grabbed a pair and hid them.
I’m pretty embarrassed because that is not in my personality but I’m also like in the grand scheme of things this was sort of harmless but I still stole. I waver between this is what anyone would have done to this was just being a silly fan girl to I am a complete asshole.
So I’m asking here; am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 13,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 13
} | WRONG |
6Qf4gzaBwdlxHpyrTsajnn8iYA6XrFPB | acu2dy | {
"description": "being resentful towards my best friend for not making it to my wedding in Vegas but driving 2 hours to meet a friend for her gender reveal",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for being resentful towards my best friend for not making it to my wedding in Vegas but driving 2 hours to meet a friend for her gender reveal? | We live in Baltimore, MD for reference.
Everyone in my guest list for my wedding (this was in June for timeline reference) had their airfare covered so it was at no cost to them. I begged her to go as she was the only friend I had on my side attending (we had a 15 person limit) she only had to pay for the $30 dress she bought and was planning on returning anyway, as well as the $80 hotel she was splitting (so $40 from her pocket) with another friend. She was unwilling to fly there and back in two days even though that’s what was planned for 4 months, and she seemed ok with for that four months leading up to the wedding. She changed her mind two days before saying she couldn’t miss her dads birthday, which was the very next day. I said ok, didn’t mind, didn’t put another thought into it because I understood this could happen as she does not like to travel.
Fast forward to this weekend. BFF has another mutual friend’s (ex friend of mine but she’s still talking to my bff) gender reveal in Philly (a two hour drive). That’s all it is, a gender reveal. But she’s planning on driving there to meet the girl and her friend group to celebrate the pregnancy/gender. I’m a little salty she’s willing to drive to the gender reveal in her Jeep, and pay for the gas, but was unwilling to fly for free to my one and only wedding with an expense less than $100. Am I the asshole for holding resentment over this? Do I need to let it go? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
WH1rHvFvSH8RnKJ5G6z1TVMX2KVt7Fjo | acqdga | {
"description": "treating customers with foreign sounding names different than others",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA if I treat customers with foreign sounding names different than others? | So, I work somewhere where I send a lot of e-mails throughout the day. Some of these e-mails require action to be taken by the recipient, and sometimes they can be a bit time sensitive. It’s nothing life or death, and in my line of work I deal in dollar amounts that rarely exceed $200, so it’s not like there’s big money on the line.
However, when I send one of those “action-required” e-mails, I usually give a courtesy call to let the recipient know that I’ve sent them one of those e-mails, and then I kinda just give them a breakdown of what they need to do from there. My job doesn’t require me to make those calls, I just do it because people tend to appreciate it and it often expedites their response.
That being said, if I notice that the recipients name is something foreign-sounding (By which I mean any name that isn’t something I immediately recognize as being common/familiar), I never make that courtesy call because I don’t want to be stuck in an awkward phone conversation with someone who I can’t understand.
Doesn’t matter if it’s an Arab name, Asian name, or an Eastern European name. Basically, anyone who doesn’t have a name that would be considered “normal” in an English speaking country doesn’t get a courtesy call.
I know the majority of these people would probably be easy enough to speak to, but even one call with someone who I can’t understand a damn word they’re saying is too much for me, so I just don’t risk it.
The way I see it is that I don’t need that kind of hassle in my day-to-day, and my current practice has made it pretty much a non-issue (not to say that old white dudes from Nebraska can’t be damn near impossible to understand too sometimes). In addition, those courtesy calls aren’t required, I just do them to make my job easier. Having a 15 minute conversation with a man from Belarus who speaks unintelligibly (to me, chances are I sound weird af to him too) does nothing to make my job easier, therefore defeating the purpose of making those calls in the first place.
To be totally honest, I have no real intention of changing my ways even if everyone says I’m an asshole, because like I said I just don’t want the hassle and if that makes me a dick I guess that’s the cost of doing business. That being said, any insight would be appreciated.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
dFVcFWCvSvsXCHJalxRTA53fmhiZXz9M | a4id8d | {
"description": "choosing to say no to hang out with a friend on her birthday",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for choosing to say no to hang out with a friend on her birthday? | (Using an alternative account)
I’ve known this friend since high school (~5/6 years ago) and we were pretty close then. But as we went on to do different things/fields after and into different universities later on, we kind of drift apart. Totally normal in my opinion.
A bit of (a long) backstory but you’ll understand why:
She has a tendency to always make fun of me when we were classmates in high school. She made fun of my height (Apparently I’m too short. She’s not /that/ tall, just slightly taller than me). My tanned skin (because apparently she’s fair and I’m slightly toasted because I used to play sports under the sun). How I “suck” at our second language (because apparently watching dramas in our second language without english subtitles and throwing around words you learnt from those dramas makes her better at that language than I am). She still finds ways to bring me down till today.
And the thing that annoys me the most is her texting. She used to spam me with 20/30 texts at a time telling me about how her crush (crushes actually. She changes really quickly) is in front of her and she doesn’t know what to do. How he looks like, what he’s wearing, how handsome he is every single Sunday for about a year or two. And it’s frustrating because it’s the same narrative every Sunday and you see the same texts for a year. I eventually ran out of responses to give and she’ll say like “Oh sparetangerines i’m so sorry for spamming :( I’m just really into him, he’s so good looking.” Always talking about herself again. She also likes to text me first and then not reply or say things like “oh sorry for the late reply I was watching my drama/playing games”. And I’m here thinking “okay you texted me first and I replied out of curtesy and you actually have the decency to ignore my texts for very long time while I see you on twitter/instagram talking about your drama. Thanks man...” And recently we got into different universities and she met a new bunch of friends. Okay, totally normal, because so did I. She’s always talking about them on twitter and instagram, but yes, normal to me because it’s her usual habit. She always makes it very obvious that I’m the second option after them.
So, I know i’m nice and I usually let people step on me and pretend it didn’t happen. But now, I think it has to stop. I’m so tired of it.
She recently asked if I wanted to hang out with her on her birthday. I’m free but I feel like saying no because
1. She takes birthdays very seriously. I once didn’t wish her and she texted me saying something like “hello it’s my birthday today. you didn’t forget right?” I WAS APPALLED. She didn’t even remember my birthday btw and she was talking to me on my birthday and only realised it when the day was almost over. And she says “birthday month” so.. yeah I think you get what I mean. The whole month is for celebrating.
2. As said above, she “documents” everything on instagram. She’s probably expecting a present from me since birthdays are so grand for her. I straight up told her that I have no money so we shouldn’t do anything expensive together. But i’m sure she’s still expecting something. She’s also probably going to Instagram this day and say “thank you sparetangerines for celebrating my birthday with me!”. So pretentious... She’s quite cheap and she has never given me anything. I’m not calculative but shouldn’t a friendship be reciprocal? I used to send her cards but she has never sent me one. Anyway, no present for her even though she’s probably expecting one.
3. I’m her second choice. Or so I think i’m her second choice this year on her birthday since her university friends cannot make it. Because recently, she places her university friends above anything else, which shocked me. Everyday that she has school, she Instagram stories every moment they’re together. She hardly goes out after school, but with them, she goes out almost everyday, and spends a ton when she’s with them. Which makes me wonder why didn’t she celebrate with them instead of me.
4. About texting, she texted me first (as usual) asking if I want to hang out on her birthday. I said ok. It’s been unusually long (she’s on her phone all the time. she’s phone obsessed) and she hasn’t given me a reply. I wanted to overlook all that has happened and settle the venue and time with her but since she hasn’t replied, I’m thinking of taking back my okay and pulling a petty card and say that I’m not free. Because I’m so tired of this bull crap.
So AITA for (possibly) choosing to say no to a birthday friend because of how she has been treating me all these years? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
2jtK9Wwi0AHbZ8uWnNmHHtvNtgiSsBce | b67zql | {
"description": "distancing myself from my dad",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for distancing myself from my dad? |
Ok so I'll give some context first. I suffer with anxiety and am currently attending college full time until the end of June in which I'll be finished there and I do love my dad and he loves me. Ever since I left school though my dad was really getting on to me about getting a part time job so he can stop paying my mum as much child maintenance as he was doing. At this time my mental state was going downhill big time I stopped eating, going to college and seeing friends and family in my spare time, you get the picture. So my answer to him was that I'd get a part time job when I finish college because I'm only there for 2 years. He didn't like this answer and really put a lot of pressure on me to get one every single time I spoke him. This caused me to break down several times in which he thought that I was "using my anxiety and mental health as an excuse." Anyways he stopped after a while because he saw it was getting to me and now fast forward to present day.
So these past few months I've started taking new tablets and I'm in a much better place both physically and mentally. I have my up and down days but I'm a lot better than what I was like before. Anyways my dad and mum got into some what of a dispute over him still paying my mum child maintenance and when it should stop. So to cut a long story short he got in contact with the organisation that's in charge of sorting all that stuff out in the UK and they told him because he has been legally giving my mum more than he should have (which wasn't very much at all) he doesn't have to give her shit till may.
My mum came up with a compromise. She asked dad if he'd be able to pay for my bus fares till the end of June to get there and back from college and then she'd obviously pay for food etc. Dad agreed. However this past week just gone mum got in contact with him about paying my fares and he said that he's got bills to pay which is bullshit because he's recently bought a house in Scotland and doesn't have a mortgage on it and he definitely isn't poor so trust me he can afford it. Baring in mind as well he's just gone and bought a new motorbike for himself as well these past few days and he's also booking a trip away with my older brother later this year.
This caused me and dad to argue a bit about it because my mum isn't a very confrontational person so she just chose to leave it and refused to ask for his help again. Now don't get me wrong I love my dad and he does care about me he just goes about it in the wrong way because he's quite a volatile person and it really doesn't take much to piss him off at all. So I decided these past few weeks to distance myself from him and not be as close because he's still in the process of moving and I think the stress of that might be getting to him as well and I really don't wanna fall out with him because he's my dad and I love him.
So Reddit, AITA for doing so? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
At2Q5RYkutMLa3qfufoPhoE94jsJjqtJ | aaubj4 | null | AITA For tell my FWB that I didn’t want to be exclusive because I don’t think our personalities “mesh”? | So I have had a FWB for the last few months and recently she has gotten more attached to me to which I have responded sort of coldly.
This is because at the beginning of our relationship I tried to be cuddly and relationship like and she responded negatively. She even made it very clear that she wanted our relationship to be open. So I pulled back and decided that I wasn’t that into her, I just enjoyed our physical relationship.
Since then she has hooked up with other people, while I haven’t. Not because I can’t, I’m just shy and content. But recently she has decided she wants something more.
She had brought this up earlier and I told her that it wasn’t something I wanted. I told her that I didn’t think our personalities “meshed” well and that I just wanted a physical relationship whilst continuing to look for something more emotional. Because of this she called me an asshole and stopped seeing each other for a bit, until she came back and said she has no feelings for me and was ok with a purely physical relationship.
Fast forward to the present, she asks me to hang out and I proceed to go to her place and watch a movie. All seems normal, we are getting physical and it’s fine. Then it’s time for me to go home and she asks me to sit down.
She explains to me that she has feelings and she wants to try being exclusive. I told her once again that that is not something I’m interested in and that I still want to seek physical relationships with other people. She gets mad at me saying that I won’t give her a chance. And I try to explain to her that I just don’t feel comfortable with pretending to want something that I don’t. She tells me that we can’t be friends if we don’t have an exclusive relationship (which to me is shitty, because I want the person I’m in love with to be my best friend). So I left her house, she was upset. I feel like she just invited me over to try and get me into a relationship with sex. I sent her a final text apologizing saying that “I’m sorry I can’t, be what she wants/needs”. She hasn’t responded, and most likely won’t.
I feel like a jerk. Especially because I do enjoy her company. And not just our physical relationship. I just don’t have romantic feelings for her. I’m also worried that our mutual friends are gonna think I’m a dick.
The worst is that I struggle with my ex who was my first love, and some I cared deeply about who dumped me. I’m very much hung up on her, and her personality traits. And my FWB is almost nothing like her, and this is why I don’t feel any romantic connection to her. And why I don’t feel like I could grow one.
TL/DR: FWB says we can’t be friends or talk because I don’t want a romantic relationship with her, and is mad at me for not giving her a chance. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
VwJR4SpYAjZUW3iBj6Dy36p1l6ljhvld | aa8a63 | {
"description": "not believing my best friend is pregnant and not congratulate her for it",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for not believing my best friend is pregnant and not congratulate her for it? | So I am not sure if this breaks any rule, or if this will add to the now long list of "Obviously NTA" that are around here lately... But I am feeling really confused with this one.
So first, context. I am from Mexico. Why does it matter? Because December 28 is the Mexican equal of the April's fool. So yeah, this happened a few minutes ago.
So I was on Instagram, randomly browsing to get sleep, when I realized a post of hers, saying something on the like "I'm really happy to you being inside me, my princess" or something like that. Now I sent her a PM because it caught me off guard, because she had a son a few years ago and I Knew for sure she Didn't wanted another one. So after asking her about it I realized the date and said "Nevermind, 28". However I got a response. "it's not that. It's real" and I was like "Ok, gonna check out the 29 to see if you still pregnant". Now I know this sounds awfully bad without context, but I was obviously skeptical. She got really upset after that. "thanks for your congrats and good wishes, I see you really care about it" and then blocked me. And that got me thinking. Because it's not the first time that happens. You guessed it, her first son was also anounced on December 28. And I didn't believed her that time either. I know I kinda am the asshole: she's my friend and I should support her no matter what... But can you blame me for nor believing her about this on April's Fools? (I am well aware we ain't at april).
Edit: So it turned out to be a joke. Not that it matters anyway. Just letting you guys know. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 10
} | WRONG |
JdA3iHpL18ksozWbp1FDVUsyJB8M4fT7 | b0qzt9 | null | AITA call police on kid for driving too slow | Me and a friend were heading home after getting lunch and after we get off the freeway we are stuck behind a car going at most 25 mph in a 55 mph area we manage to get passed him no issue but his driving was causing issues in the traffic with people honking and such
This dude lingers behind us for the next 3 or so miles, going well slower than the speed limit, stopping way too far back at stoplights, (100+ feet) eventually at a long light he is close enough to see its a teenage boy looking totally stoned and we catch his license plate and call police
But i feel pretty guilty about it since it wasn’t reckless driving. I have no idea what happened to him, my mind keeps thinking something completely awful happened, like getting his license suspended, and its my fault. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 20,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 20,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
SKHOQmJXHAjtCD7BKZv9s3ezC3qV8EJF | aotrul | {
"description": "not going to a gig with my friend after he bought us the tickets",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not going to a gig with my friend after he bought us the tickets? | This is going to be a long one because I feel like I need to include a fair bit of detail to explain it so there'll be a TLDR at the end.
I (f20) and my friend (M20) (call him P) have been best friends for about 5 years, dated for over a year at the start of those 5 so we're super close. Last night me, P and a couple others went to another friend's house to smoke/drink and there was a guy there that we'd never really met before (call him D). D was the only one that didn't know everyone else there so I made a genuine effort to talk to him, but for the rest of the night he just responded with "shut the fuck up" to everything I said even if not to him (he did it to another girl that showed up so I basically think he just hates women generally) but my friend P was sort of joining in with D and was absolutely no way on my side, I felt like shit, I felt like I couldn't say anything because it would just get shot down, so I went to sleep early and have spent all day crying about it to my boyfriend. I just felt bullied and upset. My friend knew I was upset and said he'd apologise properly later when we go out.
Now right now I'm meant to be in a VIP line to see my friend P's favourite band, and then go to another club night with our shared favourite artist. He got us these tickets for my birthday, and I've not gone, and I feel really awful about it and I feel like I'm just overreacting, but he does things like this constantly, last night was not an exception. P gets far too drunk any time he has any and always needs looking after, he gets messy and too touchy and too loud all at once and is just generally difficult to deal with, he is a huge factor as to why I've stopped going clubbing so much because he's always there and always like this. Also when we're in any kind of social situation together he basically starts peacocking around trying to impress the other people we're with. Unfortunately his tactic for this is to take anything I say and make fun of me for it, I don't think he means to but he does and it upsets me. For example if I question something he said he'll have a reaction along the lines of "wtf that's not what I said are you even listening? Are you stupid that's not what I said" (generally his digs make 0 sense so it fully is just like he's saying it for the sake of it) Also anytime I mention me and my boyfriend he just instantly calls it gay or stupid, I called him out on it one time when he did it after me telling him we had reached 8 months together and we're celebrating. P apologized and then did it again in the same conversation when I next mentioned my boyfriend, he called him gay and brushed off what I'd said. I know it's only little stuff but it is genuinely every time we're with other people and again every time I mention my boyfriend. He's going through a tough time right now and I genuinely am the only person that's actively there for him, which makes me feel way worse for letting him down but also just upsets me more because I feel he doesn't even recognise that effort some times.
TLDR: My friend tends to take the piss out of me whenever we're in social situations and always takes the piss out of my relationship. (He is nice when it's just me and him) He was particularly upsetting last night so today I've cancelled going to a gig with him and he might have missed out on seeing two of his favourite artists in one night. I still don't know if he's actually gone or not.
Basically I'm wondering if I've over reacted or if it was fair | HISTORICAL | {
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7mVaBvFZ9s7UP3y6wVMqw88PgIaWx0nu | ak9hxn | {
"description": "ending my friendship with a close friend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for ending my friendship with a close friend? | My friend Abu and I have been close for 6 years; we had a long distance friendship, so everything I'm about to tell you happened over text/call. She used to be a very kind, supportive, and overall amazing friend, but in the last four months, she's been basically the opposite. For some information on her, she has depression and suspected that she was bipolar but was never diagnosed (I included this in case it was important).
It first began with her "bullying me" by picking on flaws that I don't have/have gotten rid of (I'm certainly not flawless, but she was picking on things that weren't really there). She'd bring them up randomly and without rhyme or reason. Honestly, I mainly ignored it and told her I was sorry she felt that way, but that I disagreed.
After that, she began with very sudden irritation. FYI, she almost never got irritated with me before (although we've definitely had our moments), so it was extremely odd when she started getting mad at me for small things, such as texting her too much (I wasn't spamming her) and wanting to call her (we didn't talk much on the phone; we mainly texted).
Continuing on, she started prioritizing her other friends over me. Now, I'm not a jealous person, but it was VERY clear that she had a favoritism toward two of her friends, leaving both myself and her girlfriend in the dust. It didn't bother me that she was treating me as less than her friend so much so as treating her girlfriend as less than her friend. She'd buy her other two friends expensive gifts, take them out to expensive places, and literally ignore me when she was with one of those friends. It started to really bother me after awhile.
After it had been about two months of this, I got tired of it, and I started being irritated and rude back at her; I won't lie. I very suddenly realized that things in our friendship seemed to be falling apart, so I decided we needed to talk. I tried calling her, but she told me it'd just put her "in an even worse mood", so I had to text this very heated conversation with her. First, I told her the problems I felt we had in our friendship (the biggest ones, anyway), then I let her respond with what she thought. Immediately, she turned it all on me (literally every problem), which made me a bit upset, but I did my best to be calm about it. After talking for awhile, we decided that taking a break from each other would be the best course of action.
We took a break for a couple days, then came back together and apologized to each other for both of our actions. I assumed everything was settled, as I'm sure anyone would, but boy, was I wrong.
A couple days later, she started being really distant and cold (colder than usual, anyway), so I brought it up to her, thinking that she might have something she wanted to talk about it. She was quick to dismiss my concerns, once again blaming her distance and coldness on me (I personally can't think of anything I was doing wrong at this time, unlike the time mentioned above where I was being rude back). I decided to let it go and thought that she might stop if I gave her some space, but she didn't.
For the remaining two months, she was honestly pretty mean and was very much not acting like herself. She stopped hanging out with me altogether (the last time was saw each other was Halloween), started talking about me behind my back (to our mutual friend, mind you), and was basically avoiding speaking with me as much as possible. To this day, I can't really wrap my head around what happened in those two months, as it was an extremely sudden change from her usual supportive and compassionate self.
I ended up just not talking to her for a week, mainly to see if she needed space or would text me at all. She finally sent me a message on Saturday, and in all honesty, I was being pretty distant speaking to her. She was acting like herself in this conversation, but I certainly wasn't.
The next day, I apologized to her for being rude the other night, and she forgave me pretty quickly, which I honestly didn't expect her to do, given her behavior the last four months. We talked a bit, but then I brought up how I felt like she was treating me like a back up friend at the time. She quickly blamed it on me, saying I made her uncomfortable and that I was petty and rude, although she couldn't really give me any examples of those behaviors when I had asked. I honestly was having a hard time with the conversation (she didn't really give me a chance to speak and continued on about how I was the worst person ever for awhile), so I had called my mom to my room to talk with me. My mom made me block her, so it was an unannounced end to our friendship.
What I'd really like to know is if I sound like the asshole here. I'm honestly unsure if I did cause every problem, and I'd like to see your guys' opinion on it. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
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} | RIGHT |
u63VMXZbrSw3yEt6TXhgVry3wPzsmLNg | as4m6d | {
"description": "using up+b repeatedly",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for using up+B repeatedly (Smash Bros)? | I know it sounds so stupid but I'm just really bummed out.
I don't play a lot of video games. I'm not good at them. I enjoy Zelda and other Mario games and usually I like them because they are a chance to bond with my siblings. However, my brother always complains about how I only choose Link when we play Smash Bros and all I do is Up+B (basically just makes Link swing his sword in a circle). Honestly I do this because again I am not good at video games and it's an effective enough move. We were playing just now and I was doing my thing and he screamed at me to stop it, that it was "annoying" and he quit the game and got up. I didn't think the situation warranted his attitude but he knows that I play the way that I play because it's not like I take the game seriously enough to be a more versatile player. It's a GAME and he made me feel bad for "ruining" one of the few things we usually both enjoy. AITA here? Should I put effort into changing my game technique to appease my brother? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
rGhz8AmPefP6pRrGS3N0072knrPciEyW | azavkf | {
"description": "pointing out a double standard",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for pointing out a double standard? | Ok, so story goes like this and I’m gonna cut out all unnecessary details. All that needs to be said is that my grandmother died yesterday, and my sister has severe depression, was going to practice a presentation for the family but backed out last minute.my parents get upset saying why did we get together if you’re not going to present (this was a planned meeting and would have happened regardless, a fact which my sister did bring up) and my sister started to break down. Again, severe depression.
So it turns into a huge fiasco,mostly my parents saying “Calm down or we’ll punish you.” And that understandably making my sister more upset. It ends with my dad going up to bed and my mom saying “I just wanted this to be about you’re father, who puts so much into this family, to have some condolences for his mom who died yesterday.” That wasn’t exactly what she said, she tried to phrase it like we (my sister and I) purposely derailed to conversation to be about my sister, when it was very clear that that was anything but what my sister wanted.
Cue apparently asshole me, who says “well if you wanted us to ask dad about how he was feeling, and wanted us to console him, why did you decide to make the entire conversation about my sister?”
I never got a response, so instead of relying on my mom to answer me, I’ve decided to ask all you lovely and callous Redditors, AITA for point out a double standard? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 1,
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
w5inPsVOiRxpKJg7QbJs4chZ1e74dbQ9 | ahdg1g | {
"description": "not being as enthusiastic and turning down offers from one photographer",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not being as enthusiastic and turning down offers from one Photographer? | Last November I joined a meetup for hobby models and photographers to connect. I am a hobby photographer myself but do modeling jobs on TFP basis in my free time, especially underwater as I can hold my breath very long and you get some pretty cool pictures out of it.
I am a full time student and work a student job as software developer on the side, this photography thing is my creative outlet and I don't want to pursue it professionally by any means.
​
I got into contact with a couple of photographers but one in particular wanted to work with me and is organizing a workshop for underwater shoots to which he invited me.
He also worked with me on some sports shoots this month - but I have exam period coming up and told him so.
He keeps texting me about several things now, becoming more and more pushy and I think he is an okay guy, but he gets up in my business way too much (?) - for me it is a professional/hobby contact, and I expected him to only message me when there is something regarding a project or so. That is how other photographers handled it in the past with me.
He grabs up small details when we discuss the timeframes for some projects and wants to give me advice on how to optimize them - such as my studies/work:
​
\- more efficient study techniques (my first exam is on Feb. 4th and I know how I need to study, no way in hell I test out new techniques now)
\- invite to sauna chill out session with other participants of the workshop after the workshop, I declined in the public group, then he texted me private how the only other girl might be uncomfortable if I don't join - I declined again sternly, with my study and work plans
\- messages me several times how joining this sports group and that group he organises would vastly improve my life (I am just not interested in the 50 hobbies this guy has and I have declined them nicely several times already)
​
I am not a very outgoing person, but I keep my promises (such as appointments like the workshop I agreed to join), but I make my limits very clear and communicate them as well, this is just becoming more and more stressful for me because internally I am questioning AITA here??
I have other options for my hobby but fuck, I feel like this could give me a bad rep in the photo community if I decline any further work with him and photography was one of the things that got me out of depression - I don't want to break this | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
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} | RIGHT |
JTh7IDBLTL25sql6XSk1xFpAFQxhzWhQ | axm3q7 | {
"description": "not telling my husband that an ex gave me an expensive jacket",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 11
} | AITA for not telling my husband that an ex gave me an expensive jacket? | I (32F) have been married to my wonderful husband (28M) for two years. Since I am slightly older and more established than him, I was able to amass a good savings before meeting him. Now, I didn’t go to college, but I have always been very money focused in my early twenties. I dated a few older men that I met at my local gym when I was younger. One of them bought me several gold necklaces and diamond earrings. It’s not that they hold too much sentimental value or anything, but they are literally valued in the thousands each. So, I really would have no issue with pawning or selling them if need be, but I would want to take my time and get the full value out of them. I see nothing wrong with holding onto these.
However, last night I was irked when my husband was holding me while I was wearing a coat that one of my exes bought me. He was kissing my shoulder, rubbing my back and kissing my neck. I have no issue with him touching me, he is my husband obviously. It was more the memories that were stored in the coat itself, which is worth a few grand. I remembered the time I was bought for me and how it was the only thing I was wearing upon receiving it as a gift if you know what I mean. This has never come up in conversation and I don’t feel right in telling him because I have no intention to make him feel jealous for literal no reason.
I understand that a lie of omission is still a lie. But he has never asked about it? Do you need to tell you significant other… *everything?* I mean, if he ever asked about the details of it, I would surely tell him the backstory and stop if he asked me to stop. This isn’t something that secretly makes me feel powerful or superior to him, it’s just a nice, designer jacket. But there was something about the way my husband was touching me that triggered this memory and made me feel, uncomfortable. Deep sigh. I really am feeling confused about this and am not looking for advice because I plan on keeping the jacket. But, I feel like if my husband ever found out how much it was worth, he would question where I got it from. Am I an asshole for not telling my husband that an ex gave me this expensive jacket? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 11
} | WRONG |
BHO9MYIcUCcof2IyVVAncUIO6c0m1qG6 | aiw3oj | {
"description": "consistently yelling and cursing at my parents",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for consistently yelling and cursing at my parents | First off, to provide some background, My parents are both excessive drinkers and pass out before 8:30 pm each night, I have dealt with this since their divorce 7 years ago. They claim to try to stop their habits, but show no signs about it. I know that addiction is a very hard thing to shake and deal with, but it is becoming very harmful to their health, and it is very visible that they struggle to get through a night without a drink. I have struggled to deal with both of them when they drink, and since they drink so excessively per night that they specifically can go through a bottle of wine, and half a bottle of tequila, or in other circumstances a bottle of vodka. Their alcoholism has affected my school grades in the past when they took my notebook when I was studying for a final, and have done other actions to affect my schoolwork. I have consistently avoided my parents when they are drunk for a number of years, but with their excessive drinking, it consistently puts me into these positions to the point where I can deal with people who are drunk very well. When both are sober my parents are very nice and well mannered people, but that is only during the day, when I am away at work or school. When I get mad at them, I often lose my temper and curse a lot towards them, I say a lot of horrible things to them and I feel terrible about it, and I have often used video games as a escape mechanism to avoid them, and that hampers my grades even further. I am curious whether I am a asshole or not for dealing with my parents daily drunkenness like this. I am fully aware that I could definitely handle them better when they are drunk , I am trying my hardest to be nice to them when they are drunk, but it just infuriates me to see them like that every night.
TLDR; My parents get drunk consistently and I yell at them when they are drunk because It makes me sad to see them that way. Am I the Asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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} | RIGHT |
WaBUoCxJleajcejayS47aqx2vQBg6COa | auvhqt | {
"description": "breaking up with my gf because she makes Fun of my friend a lot",
"pronormative_score": 64,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For Breaking up With My GF Because She Makes Fun of my Friend A Lot? | We're both 22, and been together 7 months and ever since I started bringing her around my group of friends she started to poke fun of one of my boys for being short. He's like 5'5 on a good day but we don't ever really make fun of him ever for it because its just a shitty thing to do. She did though and would say he's a midget in most countries, can he drive without a booster seat etc. All this stuff infront of our group of friends when we're out and at first we laughed of course but it got super weird when she kept saying shit like almost every time we hung out. He would usually just laugh along or just say you bitch jokingly but I could tell it got to him of course because it was getting to be too much. I spoke with her about this and she just said she was trying to be one of the boys and it was just banter, but I told her if its just banter why don't you joke about any of the other guys then? She just said short guys are more funny to poke at and shit like that, I told her straight up to not do this shit anymore after like 2-3 months of it. My short friend went away on a semester abroad and came back about a month ago so we all went out since we haven't seen him in a while and my GF came along and she starts with the short jokes, it gets so awkward because she's insulting his height for no reason. My other friends leave with my shorter one to hit up a different bar and I told my gf we should go to my place and talk.
When we got to my place I was pretty annoyed she'd act this way still and told her how would she feel if I made fun of one of her chubby friends for being fat and she said its not the same thing and other bs. She had a smirk on her face the whole time and that pissed me off so I just told her its done and to gtfo out of my place and to take her things. She started yelling and shit and said how could I break up with her over jokes with about a friend and I didn't want to hear it. She called me a dumbass douche and a variety of other insults.
AITA For this? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 63,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 64,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
UO10cJsNdhbXlWTECFMP3CIafvpFF8nk | ai7o8p | {
"description": "telling a random guy he was rude in the way he decided to give me his number",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for telling a random guy he was rude in the way he decided to give me his number? | I know the title sounds cringeworthy but here’s the situation.. (also on mobile so please excuse formatting)
On Saturday evening my friend who is in a wheelchair and I went to dinner.
She often needs help with some simple motor functions (taking off a jacket, opening a bottle of water, sometimes drops utensils/items, etc.). We’re going about our business and I’m helping her as usual.
I noticed a man watching us from across the restaurant but didn’t think much of it because, unfortunately, people tend to stare when we are out together.
We pay and leave and get about a block down the street when I hear someone running behind us. I turn around and it’s the man from the restaurant.
He had to have been listening to our conversations in the restaurant because we live in a non-English speaking country, but she and I spoke English at dinner.
So he stopped me and began speaking English, saying how ‘he had never seen someone with so much Karissma and he can tell I have a good heart by how I helped her’ and then handed me his phone number on a small strip of paper.
I shake his hand, thank him and continue walking.
When we get far enough away she and I begin to talk about the experience..
When he spoke to us he never made a point to say hello to her or even look at her except to gesture in her direction while complimenting my “good heart”.. my friend and I both noticed this and it was the biggest topic of our conversation. He made her feel like a charity case and like I’m “such a great person” for being friends with someone in a chair. I fully agree with her that his actions were less than thought out and he definitely could have said something with similar context without making her sound like a “sad person with a hot friend” (her words).
I have a boyfriend and never intended to text the number but my friend and my mother both think I should use this as an opportunity to “enlighten” him on how he could have gone about the situation differently.
My friend (and mom) thinks I should explain how it was rude for him to highlight aspects of my personality that include being friends with someone simply because they have a disability and how he could have just told me he thought I was attractive and saved her the embarrassment of being ignored and treated like a charity case. My boyfriend agrees that it was messed up for him not to acknowledge her but doesn’t think I should try to teach him a lesson. I do not want to text him either.
I don’t REALLY feel like it’s my place to tell a stranger that they’re wrong for how they decided to approach a situation, and I don’t really want him having my contact information but my friend and my mom are pressuring me to say something..
On top of that, since we don’t live in an English speaking country, I feel like he might not have fully understood that what he was saying could have been perceived as rude and aside from ignoring her I think he was just trying to give me a genuine compliment..
I think I would be the asshole if I text him just to say “I have a boyfriend and you made my friend feel bad” (loosely worded) but my friend thinks I will be the asshole if I don’t say anything at all...
So Reddit, WIBTA if I text him JUST to explain how he should have said something different? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 5,
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RW41YYeJz7B57l7P4tABMEy502UmVD4G | ael9by | {
"description": "bypassing my biological dad and communicating with my half-siblings",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for bypassing my biological dad and communicating with my half-siblings (who are adults)? | WIBTA? Without getting into a super long story: My mom got pregnant when she was 18, I was born, mom and biological dad never got married, I was adopted by my stepdad when I was 18 months. I had a great mom and dad growing up, never had anything to do with my biological dad. As I got older (26) I wanted to understand my history a little better, found my biological dad in Colorado, and went and met him for all of about an hour. Nothing special occurred during that hour, but it was good to get the meet and greet out of the way. As part of my research, I discovered that I have 3 half siblings via my biological dad (all are now adults). My biological dad also told me that his wife knew about me and that it was not a big deal (which I kind of agree with, this was before him and his wife got together, 26+ years ago, etc.). Several years later I reached out to him explaining that I would like to communicate with his adult kids and kind of just let them know about me and give them a "hey I exist, if you're ever curious about me feel free to reach out" note. He got super weird and shut that down very quickly. Bottom line, I have the names and addresses of at least 2 of my half-siblings. They are adults. WIBTA for bypassing biological dad and just sending them letters? I know I wouldn't think its a big deal if I received something like that (I would be intrigued and want to know more about my half-sibling), but maybe I just can't see it from their perspective. If this helps, it isn't like I'm a creepy guy. I am a successful attorney, married with two kids, served in the military, love dogs, hate communism, play the guitar; you know all the good red-blooded American stuff. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
pN390AGxnC1Fuv1N5cRgfazpDAP0Vao4 | b7b3rt | {
"description": "threatening divorce if my wife insists on being a surrogate",
"pronormative_score": 69,
"contranormative_score": 77
} | WIBTA for threatening divorce if my wife insists on being a surrogate? | Been married six years. Have one son together. Wife has a childhood friend/"brother" who was abandoned by his family after coming out and my wife's family took him in when he was 13 or so. He lived with them until he turned 20 and lives on his own now. My wife considers him her brother. Very, very close. I met him and he's an alright guy. I have no opinion either way, they don't hang out often anymore so obviously I don't get an opportunity to hang out either.
When my wife and him were in their late teens, he expressed interest in having a child via surrogacy. My wife volunteered that when she's 30 she'll do it for him. This was never mentioned to me during our marriage and I only found out two weeks ago. She just turned 30. When she explained it to me I thought it was an empty or idle talking shop kind of thing but she insists she's very serious.
She asked my opinion and I'm 10000% against it. We're a family now, and this would be a major family decision. She ignores me and continue talking to him about planning it, looking up clinics, doing research, etc. I've endured a week of this, and it feels like a knife in the back constantly throughout every day.
I'm thinking of threatening divorce over this. I don't want to get divorced, but I'm hoping it'll do the trick and she'll rethink things. WIBTA? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 35,
"OTHER": 64,
"EVERYBODY": 42,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 11
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 69,
"WRONG": 77
} | WRONG |
zfAQFp7Tz7PsIXD5A7OiLZJZaHyHkykg | afz098 | {
"description": "moving my coworkers food",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for moving my coworkers food | A few times a week I go to the break room to heat up a breakfast sandwich before we open (I work at a bank). Several times in the the past few weeks I've gone to use the microwave and someone's food is sitting in there, done microwaving.
The first couple of times I waited it out, but I am on a time constraint since I'm a teller so I have to be on the line ready to go at 9. Once I realized it was the same person every day, if her food was sitting there a long time and I was waiting, I would take it out, heat up my food (about 2 minutes for reference), and then put hers back in when I was done.
She's come in a few times this week while I was using the microwave in her absence and seems annoyed that I moved her stuff. I'm not sure if her food is something that needs to be cooked in stages, which is possible, but I just want to eat before we open and tracking her down every time to ask her to move her food for me seems redundant and also somewhat rude.
AITA for moving her food to cook my own? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
9RTCkR6jBHntAgA4ZO6TbqE0YicZI2S7 | a0cmqw | null | AITA In this relationship | I was a junior in high school, I'm a senior now. While I was a junior, a senior was interested in me and she also happened to be the valedictorian and was very smart. She asked me out on a date and it went really well and we eventually started dating. We were a pretty intimate couple (you know how it goes with high school couples).
This is where I think the relationship turned bad: about 5 months into our relationship, we went out and after decided to park somewhere so we could "get intimate". I was really tired that day because I had been doing a lot of homework the night before. While her hand was on my "little guy" and she was basically rubbing it, I fell asleep. She was super hurt (and yes, this I know I messed up bad) and she just drove me home and was in tears. At the time I actually had NO IDEA what just happened and I started apologizing for something I didn't even know was wrong. This turned into about one and a half weeks of her being mad at me, and I'm surprised she didn't break up with me. I tried everything I could to make it up to her and one day I biked up to her house in the country club (she's also quite wealthy) (and I didn't have my license either, she drove for our dates) so that I could apologize. This gesture showed her I cared about her and she forgave me and I promised I would never hurt her like that again.
Fast forward to the end of the school year, and we're off for summer vacation. She would be attending UC Berkeley in the fall, and I'll be heading into my senior year. Summer was great, and something crazy happened. We loved each other to the point where we had sex for the first time. Weird for me, but it was great. And for me, I've always been a hopeless romantic; I always believed that your first girlfriend would be the love of your life. So I believed that this was it; she was the one for me. I was pretty blind, hahaha
Fast forward to the end of the summer, we were on a phone call one day and she told me we would probably have to break up soon because it's college. I couldn't really understand why we had if break up if we loved one another. She also said that if she had gotten into Harvard or Stanford, she would have broken up with me a long time ago to not hurt me badly. I didn't really understand this either. She comes from a very wealthy and successful family; all of her siblings and relatives are either very successful doctors or engineers. She got to meet my family, but whenever I asked if I could meet her's, she said I couldn't because I wasn't a doctor or an engineer, but I guess what she meant to say was that I'm nowhere near the caliber of her success and intelligence to meet her family (but for the record, I think I'm a pretty smart guy).
Fast forward to the beginning of the school year, we break up because she said she wants to have a life in college and not have to worry about hurting me by what she does in college. 3 weeks later we get back together when she's back for a weekend and then she goes off the college again. She doesn't return my texts or calls in the weeks that she's gone, so I assume she's just busy but then she admits that she just doesn't wanna. So I call her to tell her we should just break up because it'll be best for the both of us; I don't want any harsh feelings with someone I love so much. So we break up for good.
(QUICK FLASHBACK) I wrote her a letter before she left for college that her smile was worth the wait, and that I'd love her always.
FAST FORWARD to our "would have been one year"(currently) she texts me if I'm home and I get so excited because maybe she wants to get back together with me, but she just asks if she can have her stuff back. She comes to my house, in tears with a big bag of all the things I've ever given her in the relationship (except she kept some of the things she liked for herself) and she also writes a letter saying that I didn't deserve to know about her past, and I don't belong in her future. I was devastated
And that was that. So I dunno if I'm the asshole for setting the relationship on this course by falling asleep, but yeah. Let me know what you guys think | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
RLvrWwWaUbEaDuaZSTjmWhly3dVncVBL | aeatoa | {
"description": "telling a girl she is too short to date",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for telling a girl she is too short to date | Basically, a girl asked me how tall I am over text. Her response to my height was, "yeah that'll do". Slightly triggered at her going for the classic height thing I asd s her what her height was and I jokingly said "oh damm sorry thats way too short for me". Now she is pissed off at me, despite me saying it was a joke. AITA? I feel like her asking the supperficial question about height, justified my sarcastic response but please correct me if Im wrong. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
WuhXPfZN6GqRf32okOiRWHUsC4AdOOMA | 9u11xy | {
"description": "saying happy Hanukkah",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for saying happy Hanukkah? | This came up last year and now that it's November, Christmas season has started in stores everywhere.
This year, like last year, Hanukkah comes before Christmas (if you didn't know the Jewish calendar is lunar so our holidays fall on different days every year, sometimes Hanukkah is during christmas, sometimes during thanksgiving, and everywhere in between).
I've always been kinda annoyed that Christmas gets treated as a multi-month holiday. I roll my eyes at talk of "war on christmas" because some business just has a red holiday cup without a snowman on it, and last year during Hanukkah in mid December, when people would wish me a merry Christmas as i was checking out at a store or buying coffee, i'd smile and say "Happy Hanukkah" and be on my way.
​
I was with my friend at a starbucks when this happened once and they said to me after this "you don't have to be an asshole". I asked them why? I didn't get angry, i didn't go 'WELL ACTUALLY IT'S HANUKKAH", i didn't make a scene, i just wished someone happy hanukkah, ON HANUKKAH. But they still felt i was being an asshole to make a point.
​
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
xUItAgShiQ1zR9tzCQ0QM5j2jgkV0rEh | aqbn3d | null | AITA Should I run my dog less to spend time with GF | AITA - Quick backstory is that my girlfriend of just under a year recently moved in with me ( We have been living alone for a few years so my dog is very close to me) but she spent a lot of time and nights at my house. So she knew my habits and schedule which is pretty much the same 6 days a week since I work 6 days a week. Also, I have a 70 lb Lab named Tarzan who is almost 6 years old, I got him in college with my ex and raised him alone since he was a puppy and trained him. Then he was 3 he had to have a major stomach surgery and gained 30 lbs (looking like a barrel with legs) since he couldn't run. I started gaining weight due to him not running. So the minute he healed up we started walking and then running a 4-mile route cause I used him as motivation. So for 3 years, we have been doing this most nights no matter what the weather or anything else since I wanted both of us to get into shape. The daily run/walk will usually wear him out but I also told myself that I would play with him if he wanted to go back out later (rewarded him with exercise instead of food when bored). So fast forward to now were both in good shape and still have the best bond.
I wake up early in the morning take the dog out eat breakfast and go to work, Come home around 4ish after work and eat lunch and do chores/yardwork/woodworking (I bought a lot of property because I love working on it and building everything by hand). She gets home around the same time and she goes to the store/gym/shopping whatever needs to be done. Then I'll make us dinner and after jeporady, I run my dog for the half hour or longer if I didn't bring him out during my yard work (also I run for my job and to stay in shape). She comes along with us if I feel like walking or stopping at the park. After GF and I spend time together TV/games/dates for a few hours than she goes to bed to read or whatever and I play Xbox or with Tarzan. So we don't have much time to make room for more
So I think I have a good balance of time but she wants me to stop running him every day or play with him more during the afternoon while I do my chores so he's tired and won't want to go every night. I admit I love Tarzan like a brother and he was my best friend and roommate for years and running together is his favorite thing in the world and I shouldn't take that away so she gets an extra 30 minutes every other day or something. I already stopped running him most Sundays to spend all day with her and date nights. I can't help but feel she is jealous that he loves me so much and not her but AITA | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
jfICMudn07FxIeSLNy6gzxnCYDM1ezPQ | b3xtib | {
"description": "not wanting to drive 45 minutes away to pick my girlfriend up unexpectedly",
"pronormative_score": 27,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to drive 45 minutes away to pick my girlfriend up unexpectedly? | So tonight my (23M) girlfriend (21F) went out with friends, she called me 15 minutes ago to ask if I could drive 3 towns over to pick her up because her ride fell through. Being a night to myself I had a couple of friends over, we smoke and drank a bit, and planned on having a night to play some games and talk. Well, now she's furious with me because I told her I couldn't drive out late at night with a few drinks in me. Am I an asshole for not being there for her? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 27,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 27,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
mF65BlCEyksSe1SyBvta44o1Fw67u9Bs | aykb3u | {
"description": "using my phone in the locker room",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 14
} | AITA for using my phone in the locker room? | Today in the gym locker room I was browsing reddit on my phone for about 20 minutes because my gym buddy was running late. The locker room has paper signs that says verbatim "Your cell phone has a camera. People will use this area to shower and get changed before and after workouts. For the comfort of members, cell phones in locker rooms are strictly prohibited. Thank you." Regardless, in my 3 years here everybody browses their phone in the locker room and no one really cares. Of course, I know as a grown adult that I should not record or fool around with my phone in the locker rooms, but I do think harmless browsing on reddit is ok. Well today this one guy got pretty heated at me using my phone and started yelling at me to close it, referencing the sign posted by the gym even though 2 other guys were using their phones in the next locker aisle. I declined to stop and I pointed out that other people were using it and I was just browsing the internet. He got really angry by then and just left. I thought about it as I drove home and was wondering if I was the asshole for not following gym policy. Thanks in advance. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 13,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 14
} | WRONG |
hjxWCNn9T7wQmRWbg5SxOOtJsQCM2rta | af0d33 | null | AITA -- My D&D friend invited his wife to play with us and now 1/3 of our jokes are deemed 'inappropriate'. | My friends and I are in our 30s and share a sense of humor that feels perfectly in line with most guys our age. We're a playfully juvenile bunch, known to toss in a masturbation reference, here and there, but our jokes wouldn't raise a single eyebrow on a site like this. Now, I acknowledge that's a purely subjective assessment -- and perhaps I shouldn't assume Reddit's standards are somehow universal -- but that's why I'm here, writing this post. I'm not searching for blind affirmation. I'm genuinely curious if my frustrations are out of line.
​
​
So, we haven't actually begun playing D&D with the wife, but she was included on our prolific text chain a few days ago. Almost immediately, the husband began sending 'tsk tsk' replies to the few of us who made, what he determined, were inappropriate jokes. I have no idea if the wife was actually offended or not, but the husband is clearly bothered. Granted, he didn't flip out or anything. But he did continuously remind us that his wife was now included and asked us to stop making references to farts and jizz. As silly as all this sounds, it's clearly a new era for our social group.
​
​
My instincts tell me that this is a kinda bullshit. Keep in mind, I wouldn't make a lot of these jokes if I was with a group I wasn't familiar with, or even out to dinner with this particular couple. But if you're that keen to integrate your wife into a closed social group that has a well established set of norms, aren't you inherently suggesting that she's on a similar enough wavelength?
​
​
I'll admit, I'm trying to suss out if my expectations for the group are a bit misogynistic. Part of me feels like that word has nothing to do with it. I was initially excited to learn that his wife was joining our group. As I previously alluded to, I naturally assumed she was invited because she shared our sense of humor and I didn't pay much mind to her gender. That seems like a pretty good instinct, right? But let's just acknowledge the situation for what it is -- in this particular context, I'm literally trying to keep this D&D group a boy's club.
​
​
I don't know. It might appear a bit silly to be contemplating feminist ideas as they pertain to my ability to make a diarrhea joke, but I do sense that there are some interesting analogies that could be made to more serious battlegrounds. One point I will make is that, unlike a work environment, ect, we're talking exclusively about a social group that's not supposed to be made available to people of every stripe.
​
​
Anyway, I'm starting to drift up my own ass, so this seems like a good place to stop. What'da'ya think Reddit; am I being an asshole?
​
(Side Note: 'Every 1/3 Joke' is a significant exaggeration, but I wanted a punchy title) | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 58,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 5
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 59,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
8qpPCqe473osi9SVF4G0eM6JSQZoX65f | aoj0kt | {
"description": "refusing to eat meals with my friend because he's an obnoxious vegan",
"pronormative_score": 781,
"contranormative_score": 41
} | AITA for refusing to eat meals with my friend because he’s an obnoxious vegan? | AITA for refusing to eat with my friend because he’s vegan?
Let me explain.
I met my friend Alex in my second year of university when we were both cast in a play together. We hit it off with similar interests and decided to live together last year.
A bit of background: Alex is a vegan - and I mean that as literally as I can. He is a philosophy student and LOVES debating. I think he also has a bit of a superiority complex. Alex talks constantly about the immorality of eating meat. He brings it up daily. He has posters of animated cows looking sadly at steaks hung in his bedroom. He has said, and I am directly quoting, that “Eating meat is the same thing as defending slavery because you don’t think the lives of black people have meaning.” He has said “Eating meat is the equivalent of joining and supporting ISIS.”
He is not joking.
He calls anyone who eats meat “carnist pigs”. He says this to their face while they eat. He believes it is his life’s mission to educate people out of eating meat and awaken them to veganism. If we are in line together in a restaurant and someone else is ordering, he’ll judge and mock them (out loud) for ordering anything meat or dairy related. He’ll constantly say “Hey, check this out!” and show you whatever vegan food he is eating, going into detail about the ingredients and where they come from. By constantly, I mean nearly every time he eats a meal, he does this. He’ll come into your room to show you his plate.
Now, I don’t disagree with him morally. We’ve had dozens of debates on the subject philosophically and I concede on many of his points. There’s no doubt that eating meat is a morally fraut issue. Where I take issue is that he deliberately tries to make people feel guilty for their dietary choices. I have started eating out, or at other people’s houses. I’ve been packing my lunches in secret because I just don’t want to deal with him.
If anyone tells Alex to piss off, he responds with “Cool, have fun murdering!” or “Enjoy your death sandwich!”
So flash forward to today. We’re in line at a burrito restaurant. I’m ordering my usual thing, and he makes a comment about how I could fill my tortilla with veggies rather than support systemic murder. Similar to the crap he always says.
I look him dead in the eye and tell him, “Man, if you don’t stop doing this shit when we eat, I’m not going to eat with you anymore. The way you behave is inappropriate and hostile and frankly, I’m not interested in being friends with someone who makes it their mission to humiliate people like this.”
He laughed and told me to chill. I said I was dead serious. He hasn’t spoken to me since. Not sure the best thing to do here since our lease doesn’t expire until May. I’d love to be able to eat a pepperoni pizza in my home without being called a terrorist.
So, AITA? How should I go about navigating this? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 27,
"OTHER": 774,
"EVERYBODY": 14,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 3
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 781,
"WRONG": 41
} | RIGHT |
tAJijovGs2p7dMcbb3B4RD76QKyMcz6g | aqr2qa | {
"description": "wanting to do something fun on Valentine's day",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to do something fun on Valentine's day? | My fiance is very upset because I told him I didn't just want to go home and watch a movie like we do every night. I wanted to go do something fun, like bowling (I have $1 bowling tonight, it would've cost us $2 for an hour game). I told him and he immediately got upset and said that a night in should be enough for me. I said that was every night and he agreed and said that wasn't a bad thing. I told him I wanted to do fun things with him too, especially tonight. I originally wanted to go to a fun city near us but he said it would cost too much. Then I suggested $1 bowling and now we're sitting in the car and he's upset that laying down watching movies isn't "good enough" for me. I told him I love doing that but I'm just a little bored doing that again and again and I just want to do something fun tonight. AITA here? Am I just seeing this wrong and being selfish? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
18wFBWmrS5mxTE5hKBz4xAIqsXz2gj13 | b03b9u | {
"description": "letting a student get away with some justified bullying",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 14
} | AITA for letting a student get away with some justified bullying? | Bad title, but hear me out.
I'm a high school AP Euro teacher. I have a student, let's call him Josh. Josh is basically the 'bright but also kinda arrogant and disruptive' type, if you know what I mean. At least from what I've heard from other teachers and seen in class, he's considered the school's 'resident intellectual', so to speak: national-level debater, president of philosophy and politics club, writes a daily column in the school newspaper that's about Stoic philosophy- which is surprisingly popular, etc. You get the idea. On the arrogant and disruptive side, he's also loud, assertive, tends to get into shouting matches across the room about politics, and sometimes just mocks people for their ideas. He's also, from what I can gather, popular even though he doesn't play any sports or anything. So he uses this again to portray himself as being better than others.
And there's another student in my class, let's call him Logan. Logan is extremely conservative. There's a trans guy in my class, let's call him Sam. Now, everybody respects Sam's pronouns except Logan. Logan constantly calls him 'her' even though I told him to cut it off multiple times. I tried punishing him- nothing major, some lunch detentions- but I was vetoed.
Sam's very shy, so he didn't do anything about Logan. But of course, Josh smelled a debate, so he started debating Logan today before class. I, multiple times, tried to get them to calm down, and finally they did.
Since today is a block day (two hours of class back to back), I give them a 5 minute break. During the break they continued arguing. Josh finished making his points about trans rights and had just moved on to insulting Logan himself- and it was incredibly brutal. He attacked Logan's appearance, his weight, everything. I forced Josh to stop, and I was contemplating punishing him. But in the moment, I kind of felt like Logan deserved it, since he was humiliating Sam for quite a while, and I haven't been able to do anything about it. And what Josh did was kind of cruel, but I felt it was kind of justified.
Now, thinking about it now, I'm starting to feel a little bit guilty for not punishing Josh. No matter how bad Logan was, Josh just went all out attacking Logan. And I feel bad for letting him get away with that.
As you can see, I'm torn. So, aita?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 14
} | WRONG |
vwEZuvgRIW3URbT6jkn2rAYPx5T0BotT | axmy1s | {
"description": "suggesting my roommate can't tell the difference between 64 and 62 degrees",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for suggesting my roommate can't tell the difference between 64 and 62 degrees? | So we live in New England. It's not warm right now. Highs around 40, lows around 0.
Last night my girlfriend wakes me up because she thinks she can see her breath it's so cold. I just let my bare shoulder sneak out from under the cover to feel the air and WOAH she was right. It was fucking freezing in there.
While I am super uncomfortable, my main concern is the integrity of our plumbing. I DO NOT want our pipes to freeze and/or burst, so I tiptoe down the hallway to the thermostat to see that the heat on the second floor (where all the bedrooms are) is off completely. I assume this was slan accident and turn it up to 62. Pretty conservative if you ask me.
So anyway, I wake up to a string of text messages to the roommate group chat. The roommate who shall not be named apparently heard me get up and turn the heat on. He sends two side by side pictures, one of the thermostat set to 62, and one of another thermometer in his room reading 64.
He says - and this is text messages copy pasta - "Well it’s at 62 and my rooms at 64 so there something wrong with my heat." He goes on to basically insist that until the landlord fixes the heat on the second floor, it's staying off.
I tell him it's not broken. That two thermostats in two different rooms would often read a degree or two different. He says he can tell the difference and it makes him uncomfortable - he can't sleep.
I tell him I think he's full of shit. That nobody can tell the difference between 62 and 64. But I also say he can have it his way and if the pipes burst it's 100% on him.
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 18,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
EIM8ysBy670Ncjq9QJtG9P1FQkBfTKUX | afhfpv | {
"description": "losing my passport and ruining my girlfriend's birthday",
"pronormative_score": 58,
"contranormative_score": 37
} | AITA for losing my passport and ruining my girlfriend's birthday? | My GF wanted to go to Japan for her birthday. I've always wanted to go there too. I booked the flights to Tokyo with a stop in New Delhi.
After we landed in New Delhi, I realized I couldn't find my passport. They would not let me board the Tokyo plane without it. She couldn't go without me because the hotel reservations were in my name. Neither of us could exit the airport because we had no Indian visas. We told the police about the situation and, long story short, they got us on a flight back to our home country.
So that is how I ruined my girlfriend's birthday. We have nothing to do for the next two weeks.
Now she is angry at me. In my defence:
* I did not lose the passport on purpose.
* I have done everything I can to make the situation better. I even offered to book a last-minute trip somewhere closer where I could go with my ID card. Switzerland? Italy? Turkey? Nope, she's "too depressed now" to enjoy those places after what happened. (Not trying to disrespect her feelings with that. It's just what she said.)
* I paid for the flights and the hotels. While she is going to have a disappointing birthday, I've also said goodbye to 3000 €. Yeah it sucks for both of us but don't be mad at me.
Still, I feel like I fucked up. I think losing it was ultimately my fault. If I wasn't so careless, she would be having the best birthday of her life right now.
Am I the asshole? And if I am, then what can I do now to not be the asshole?
TL;DR I promised GF a trip for her birthday, I lost my passport on the plane, and we got sent back. She's upset. I'm trying to make the situation better but it was probably my fault. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 35,
"OTHER": 41,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 17,
"INFO": 3
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 58,
"WRONG": 37
} | RIGHT |
5Z2DB9HRE4kPP7Gi6Y2oUv5btZb99S5V | alcg2s | {
"description": "not saying thank you for being allowed to cross the street",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For not saying thank you for being allowed to cross the street | Hey guys. The title is a bit clickbait as I didn’t cross a street, but I didn’t know what else to call it. So, I work at a medical office located in a strip mall. It’s a pretty big strip mall and we have a lot of places to eat located here, so I always go to one specific place to grab a snack in the morning. On my way to the office I work at, which is all the way across the strip mall, I see an SUV coming at full speed towards the cross walk I’m supposed to walk across. I stop and wait for this guy to speed by when he ABRUPTLY stops, almost running me over. He then makes a motion through the windshield telling me to cross, so I cross.
So, this guy apparently has a megaphone in his car like the one cops have where they can tell people things. Through his megaphone he says to me “you’re welcome” and “at least say thank you” and says something else that I couldn’t understand. Now I ALWAYSSSSS say thank you when someone lets me cross, but this dude almost ran me over and was going about 20 MPH inside of a strip mall, so I’m not going to say thank you to you. Even then, I’m doubting if I should’ve said thank you. AITA?? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
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Nd5j8xbPOr87WXgKAVv5623ujm2ZpMUe | aokzqe | {
"description": "not wanting any family included in my and my boyfriends civil ceremony",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for not wanting any family included in my (23F) and my boyfriends (24M) civil ceremony? | We have been together for 6 years and have been taking about getting married for about a year now. We have discussed how we’ve wanted to elope and have a ceremony at a national park but ultimately decided on going downtown to city hall for a quick ceremony(next month) with my best friend as our witness. We both have always known that having a large wedding with our families was something we never wanted. We are generally shy individuals and the thought of being under an alter and sharing the most intimate moment in front of our parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts and uncles makes us absolutely cringe.
We recently out of the blue told his mom about our idea and it did not go well at all. She was upset that we were making these decisions and throwing ideas back and forth without including his parents in it. She says she’s hurt that they are not invited and that we can only create this moment once. While her point is valid, what if doing a civil ceremony is what we want to create? And not planning a wedding that’ll create a lot of stress and ultimately put my boyfriend and I in an uncomfortable situation? Because we want a private ceremony we planned on having a larger party at a later date for so that our families can get together and celebrate our marriage. This way there’s no pressure and everyone is just having a good time where we can eat, drink, and take pictures.
Are we the assholes for wanting to do it our way? Because the reaction we have received from his parents we are discussing not getting married next month and wait for who knows how long. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
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} | RIGHT |
UbFvdvfnvv2bcmJfYvdahuaXTwCChlGm | abjzb9 | {
"description": "not co-operating with my mom when she refuses to help",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for not co-operating with my Mom when she refuses to help? | On mobile, throwaway account, but English is my first language.
So I woke up this morning and grabbed my phone to stall away time on my day off. After about 10 minutes I notice that my Note 5 is connected to the internet but is telling me "internet may not be available." Meaning I may as well not be connected to the internet.
I don't usually get this error so I look it up, hoping to see if there is a simple solution. Fortunately I'm in luck and the general consensus is to restart the router. So I get dressed and find Mom is already awake and watching TV. So I let her know what's wrong and ask if I can reset the router.
She said dad was asleep so not to be loud. (I talk loudly so i quieted down) She also tell me to turn off my phone and turn it back on and see if that would work. I let her know what I've looked up online but she wouldn't budge, so I said fine and went back to my room to reset my phone. That way if it worked I could just continue on. Lo and behold after a couple of minutes it didnt work. So I come back out and tell her so.
She asks for my phone saying she's gonna try a couple more things, (note, she's not the most tech literate person) and I comply. I mention the router solution again and ask what's she's doing. Turns out she's turning off my phone, and turning it back on. At this point we are both having attitude with each other. (we are both stubborn so it happens whenever we disagree) I again bring up resetting the router and she told me no.
I ask why and she says because I said so. What a wonderful reason. At this point I realise she has no idea how to fix the problem and wont bother listening to me. So search the router for the reset button and find it's one of those hidden ones you need a paperclip for. That way at least one of us is going to get something done. It's not like she's using it. Thinking at least All the while she's threatening me not to or she will keep the router off. (A pretty empty threat because for me it already is)
I find a pencil that will reach the button and she finally gives me a good reason not to. Because she is watching a show on the android box we use instead of cable. Finally I reason. I ask if she can pause it, and note the time. and she says it's live and can't be paused. I never bothered looking at the show so I just took her word for it.
I stepped away from the router and sat down. She suggested I make myself breakfast on coffee while I wait for her to fix my phone (forgot she still had it, doing God knows what)
As i was making my coffee I let her know that after the show ends I would reset the router. She gave the the steriotypical say that again. We had a short back and forth before dad woke up. Both of us tried explaining what happened. Fortunately she was the first to give him attitude so he took my side.
Mom went to the bathroom, so I explained the situation in full to Dad. We both agreed to reset the router after Mom's show was over. After she came back Dad informed her and we all waited for the show to end.
Dad reset it as I was eating breakfast. As soon as it went back up my internet started working again. I let them know and finished up my meal. I took my coffee into my room to finish it, but as I got to the hall, Mom spoke up.
"Where is my thank you?"
... I was stunned...
I told her "All you did was reset my phone a couple of times and I looked up the answer. Dad and I were the only ones to do anything here, so... I'm sorry."
She was shocked and was about to chew me out, but Dad stopped her by saying she walked into, and deserved it. With that I went into my room and finished up my coffee. I finished it and went to the kitchen to put it into the sink. They were talking about the incident. Regretfully I rubbed it in a bit on my way back, then queue 5 to 10 minutes of standing there listening as they tell me everything wrong about asking why.
Long story short they said I'm an immature baby (not an exaguration, Dad said that 5 or 6 times... I'm 20 years old) compared to them and as a result I have no say and should do what they say with no question because I'm in the shit end of a dictatorship and I couldn't possibly help them.
All I ask for is a good reason and that "because I said so" isn't a good reason, and if I was told from the beginning that she's using the internet I would have hapily waited (which I did do after the bullshit)
They just kept saying I don't get a reason because "We don't give a shit" and i dont deserve a reason. Because I'm an immature baby, Dad gave the example of taking milk away from a baby so it doesn't overeat and vomit. And how you can't explain to the baby what's going on.
Am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
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} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
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} | WRONG |
GmF1sI91HqvlSLQq6QK2s0uTkCkgzrmF | b4f6ne | {
"description": "not doing the work I was supposed to over my spring break",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA I didn't do the work I was supposed to over my spring break | When my spring break came around my dad asked me to clean up some branches from the apple trees he pruned on the Sunday before my break started. We agreed that I would have it done by the end of the week. He pruned five trees and it left maybe 4 hours work. I had been slowly working on it because I wanted to enjoy my break and had homework from classes over spring break.
Come Tuesday and I have half the work done but didn't have time to work on it Wednesday because I had to go work on a robot all day for a robotics club I am in we worked from about 1 to 9:30. As I had not originally planned to meet with my club I had a raid in destiny 2 planned with my friend for that day which i then pushed back to Thursday.
On Thursday I had done some work on the branches having moved about 1/3 of the remaining pile but did not do a lot as I was exhausted from working Wednesday and wanted to help my friend. I have another robotics meeting that night (which was planned) I get a text from my dad saying "thanks for the minimal effort on the branches."
On Friday morning I feed my dogs and see that the pile of branches has been moved already and my dad has been mad at me since Thursday night. I was not able to work on them Friday (today) because of rain. So Reddit AITA for not doing all of the work by Thursday? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
CHlxTQVwN8srLGrM38G9x70VTWetg26y | as4o73 | {
"description": "being upset that my girlfriend booked a flight without telling me for a week with a mutual (male) friend of ours",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for being upset that my girlfriend booked a flight without telling me for a week with a mutual (male) friend of ours? | Some context: I am currently studying abroad very far from home, going to be back in about 2 weeks. The next 2 weeks also happens to be spring break where my girlfriend and I go to school. I recently was texting a friend from home and he told me how excited he was to be going on a trip to a legal state with my girlfriend and how much they are gonna smoke and bring back home. This obviously caught be my surprise because my girlfriend had made no mention of booking a flight or even spending time away from home for break. We’ve been together for several years and I trust her but I still think that if the tables were turned I would at least run the idea by her before I decided to make such a major decision, especially if it were with another girl other than my GF. My girlfriend said she was sorry and that it “happened so quickly she didn’t think to tell me”. I really don’t know what to do or how to react here so any help would be appreciated. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
Fz2el7XF84feqABGZbuf8H7yfrq7xGbH | aefdel | {
"description": "being annoyed at the guy sitting in front of me in class",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for being annoyed at the guy sitting in front of me in class? | I started my second semester of school a couple of days ago and my first class of the day is a philosophy class. I sit down in the middle row of the classroom about halfway up an isle and a bit later a guy sits in front of me, no biggie, he’s not tall or anything so I don’t have to worry about not seeing the board or anything like that. Halfway through my instructor talking about philosophy stuff, the guy in front of me starts playing with his hair.
Now I’m not talking just scratching it and stopping, he is twirling his fingers in it over and over again. Not on the side, but on the top of his head. He twirls a strand of hair and then lets it fall, and then does the same thing again and again. If that isn’t enough, he is stretching out his arms to do this as well, so anything I wanted to see on the board is now difficult to read.
I plan to switch seats so I don’t have to be distracted by that, but I just wanted to know if my initial annoyance was stupid or not.
TLDR: The guy sitting in front of me in class twirls his hair constantly making it difficult to read the board and pay attention to my professor, AITA for being annoyed by this? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
a9iGRZfVICIUXzo6jW5GSovpM0RyEGAs | ai9qre | {
"description": "wanting to travel and live abroad",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to travel and live abroad? | Hi. 30M here. Single, no kids. As a preface, I'm sorry if this is just a validation seeking post that sounds like a First World Problem. I want some opinions.
Basically this is my current situation:
* I make enough to maintain my household, in which I live with my parents (I pay rent and services, they do food)
* We all recently moved here, my elder sister actually came 2 months ago with her whole family (we're from a very struggling country and moved to a better one) with a lot of my help. I basically provide loans to all my family and they pay at the slow rate they can, but I do it in USD so no one takes advantage of anyone
* My brother (26) is working a very low wage job as he goes through Uni a second time, because his Law degree doesn't work internationally or something.
* My father works also, 6 days a week, 12 hours a day, makes way less than me.
I work from home and I'd travel and keep working in another country (Hi, if there are any Indonesians reading who'd like to help me :3).
I'd spend about 1600 in a plane ticket to stay there for 3 months(ish), yet I know even with all their salaries combined, they can't pay for that ticket even in 2 months.
Am I being selfish? I know it's my own money. I know I have no responsibility really, I've done my share and I'd probably keep paying their rent...
But the looming feeling of selfishness, I can't help it. It's stopping me and I feel I'm making the wrong choice. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
wRDm9wT30Bku8QSZpTH0k21PrlPBOUeL | asu8pz | {
"description": "not wanting any birthday presents from family and friends",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not wanting any birthday presents from family and friends ? | So here is a deal, my birthdays don't really mean anything special to me. I won't throw a crazy party or feel special and demand something just because I was born 20 years ago. So yes, it is my 20th birthday but I don't find it special especially because I have an exam in 2 days and lots to study. One more thing before I get to situation is that I am totally okay with someone celebrating their birthday in any way they like. If I am invited and I can make it more special for them I'll do it.
Now, my family and friends usually ask me if I need something or I have desires to anything before birthday just because they can buy something useful. That was something they did in past years. This year I stated clearly to everyone that I don't need gifts and presents. I have everything I need in life so them buying more of stuff is just not needed. It is enough and it means to me that they wanted to but really I am fine. We can all have a nice dinner together and that is totally okay.
Everyone disagreed and pretty much call me an asshole because I didn't let them buy me anything. They say I am breaking tradition of birthdays but honestly I don't care about tradition of birthdays. Not everyone is same. I am a simple man so a minimum is enough. Some of them are maybe little mad on me so I feel little bit shitty because of it. Idk honestly I feel there is no need to spend money on something I already have. We are all middle class and lower so money needs to be spent with brains.
So tell me my fellow redditors, AITA for not wanting and not letting them buy me gifts just because a standard everyday dinner or drink is fine for me ? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 3,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
dV5TsHY8M09xkEgBYbDJRkQ1wPur5rf2 | acy23u | {
"description": "not wanting my roommate(s) to change up the place",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting my roommate(s) to change up the place? | So, this has now happened to me twice, so maybe now I'm thinking some people think this is normal, but I still don't, but I want to get some perspective, in case I am being an asshole.
​
​
Situation 1: My old roommate(Who doesn't live with me anymore) bought a table and chairs, she did tell me about them when I was half asleep, she came into my room, woke me up, and asked "what do you think about these?" I said they were okay, but if she wanted them she had to keep it in your room. We already had table and chairs! Perfectly coordinating table and chairs. She bought those, and wanted me to put my table and chairs in storage(mind you, don't even have a storage unit) she ended up relenting, sold the new table and chairs. She acted like it was this humongous compromise, when really I feel like she shouldn't of bought them in the first place.
​
​
Situation 2: New roommate has moved in, and recently a similar situation to the one above happened. We have a perfectly good shower head. It's actually only a couple years old, as it was brand new when I moved in. Well when I was on a trip, roommate decided she didn't like that shower head, and bought and attached a water filtering shower head. I was going to let this slide, whatever, I liked the other one better, but it's not like I have to put it in storage, and she is hopefully only gonna stay for a couple more months. Well the new shower head's like range is too wide, so I can't get clean. I mention this to roommate she says she'll fix it, but didn't. So next time I take a shower, I put the original shower head and(the took it off after I was done, but got distracted so never put hers back on) she texts me about it today, seeming pretty livid about her shower head not being on, and she doesn't want "toxins" from the water. I basically tell her to fix the new one, and it's a favor anyways, because I liked the original detachable shower head, but could maybe deal with the new one if, she fixed it.
​
​
Am I being an asshole here? I don't mind roommates bringing their new things, and life into the apartment, but like if I already have something that is a perfectly working...whatever, I don't think it's cool to change it up on me. Especially that I feel like they accepted the apartment "as is" when they moved in.
​
​
​ | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
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} | RIGHT |
S1dnv5LSqbwhOl9kHrbeDTMksDkpbbAd | a0krxq | {
"description": "not wanting to pay for my friends gas",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not wanting to pay for my friends gas? | This is something that happens often with one friend and I'm worried that I'm being a major prick.
We're both 18 and like to hang out a lot, we've been practically glued to each other since middle school. He's usually the one who drives because he insists on it. He drives a frankly badass Porsche from the 80's that he bought front a junk yard broken for cheap, then fixed it up over a couple years. Problem is that it eats gas like your 300lbs uncle during Thanksgiving, and we generally always have to get gas.
He has a job and never spends money. He literally holds at least 500 on him at any given time, but he always asks for money when he gets gas. I gave him money once or twice because he is the one who always drives, but lately I've been denying him. I'll just say "C'mon man!" whenever he asks and he'll just say something like "Alright, alright..." then pay himself. I'm not trying to be a dick about it but it feels like he should be the one to pay. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
bh1ZDwpmTXq2Dz3tJMtMtnbd8T6xeb2t | b5tnz1 | {
"description": "not wanting to move house for my parents",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 14
} | AITA for not wanting to move house for my parents? | My parents are in their early 50s, I'm 19.
I am a first year university student and live in halls. I often spend my holidays with my family (the town's a bit shit then).
Usually this works fine, but recently there's been a problem. They're moving house, so they've scheduled it based on my holiday so I'll be there to help.
They think that, as I spend the holidays with them anyway, I should do a decent amount of the moving work. I think that, as I've moved out, it's not my problem.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 3
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 14
} | WRONG |
Q8cRf2PVYrkTsiCl1VfirkfiOn1ZotTc | a2ib33 | {
"description": "being upset/mad at my dad",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being upset/mad at my dad? | Information: I'm 17, my parents are divorced and there was a time in my life where my dad wouldn't bother talking to me at all.
He basically just ignored me for 4 years straight (because of his new wife back then who was just a real asshole who destroyed our whole family) , but since last year, he's trying to get in contact with me again. Like, we text each other frequently, but nothing more.
He always tells me that he's going to visit me some day, and whenever that day comes, he says he can't come and makes a new date. This has happened like 4-5 times now.
Now, what I really wanted to talk about. My birthday was last month and he called me and said he was going to come and even give me a present. Of course I was happy, because I haven't seen him in a long time.
But then he cancelled the next date, and the one after as well. He then called my grandma (his mother, whom I have a very good relationship with, I also visit her twice a week) to tell her that he is not going to visit and he'll send that present instead. That was two weeks ago. He didn't tell ME, he told my grandma. I haven't heard of him since my birthday.
Now it's December and I wonder if my present will ever arrive. I don't care if I get a present, but I would be really happy about a card as well, that's all I want. I don't expect him to buy me big things but just a little reminder that he thinks about me would be nice, right?
Am I an asshole for thinking that? Because to me it seems like I am for expecting my dad to send me something for my birthday.
Sorry for the huge text. 😅 | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 5,
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} | RIGHT |
MIZJ5OkTu0P6vX0vuNz4N3yUXNNb6l0r | art0mz | {
"description": "not wanting to talk to someone who made effort to be better",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to talk to someone who made effort to be better? | So I met this guy, who I will call Oliver (because it was apparently the most popular baby name in 2018 according to Google), on badoo. For those who don't know what badoo is, it's like Tinder except even more shady and sketchy and filled with weirdos. Anyway, I had connected with this dude like a full year before we started talking, and when we did I realised he lived an hour away in a town that I was visiting weekly for medical reasons. So we met up one time, I had an insane hormonal lust for him that quickly fizzled out, leaving me with the honest reality of this dude.
To say he had anger problems would be an understatement. He threw tantrums. He was in his 20's, mind you. His rage was so uncontrollable that he would break all of his housemate's stuff, scream at people and threaten them. He didn't seem above hitting women, which was unsettling to me because where I live that's a VERY common moral - even the biggest douchebags I know are heavy on "Lay a hand on a woman and I'll break your neck." He did shout at me once and shattered his expensive, government-paid-for (it was for a course he was doing) laptop, causing me to have the worst panic attack of my life (that's saying something because I have panic disorder). Luckily other people were there, and the guy confronted him while the girl held me and asked me about My Oasis (app that really helps with my anxiety I recommend 10/10). He also did things like getting angry at me for not being in the mood for sex - the day after we ran into the man who molested me when I was 13 and I had explained to him the situation so he KNEW. So you get it, not an ideal companion, very scary and explosive.
Thing is, I'm pretty good at confrontation and wasn't about to lie and tell him his behaviour was okay. I was blatant with him and made sure he knew that it was absolutely unacceptable, he is responsible for his actions, and he needs to either get his shit together or get out. You'd expect someone like that to take it very poorly, but he actually listened to me and agreed. When he was calm, he seemed pretty grown up and able to acknowledge that he was being a little shit. I had started teaching him some of the strategies that I've learned for my mental health problems that result in intense, uncontrollable emotion, but ultimately the getting-angry-about-the-sex thing was my final straw. That crosses a boundary for me. I hadn't seen much improvement, he was still acting salty over things like the court ordering him to pay for what he'd broken in his house mate's house, so I cut ties. Not at blocking level, just stopped talking and explained why when he eventually asked, and that I didn't want to talk anymore.
I should also note WHY I was hanging out with this dude at all - he wasn't all bad, I've just highlighted the bad to explain why we stopped talking in the first place. He was actually a very, very funny guy and was shockingly intelligent. I don't want to end up on iamverysmart, but a lot of my friend group in my hometown dropped out of school to pursue... Well, mostly drugs. I was the only one in that particular group to graduate high school (I did have my school friends but I didn't really see them outside of school) and progress to further study, so I was used to people around me being a little less educated - not necessarily less intelligent, just less knowledgeable about academics. But somehow this guy knew things that blew my mind. Like, I learned a few random tidbits and facts from him that were pretty cool. He was artsy and compassionate (when not violent), and I saw potential in him. Even so - if I spent a few days with him I felt utterly drained, mentally and in turn physically. That was even if he didn't get angry over something.
So anyway, few weeks later he messages me and says he's going to get professional help. I think that's pretty lit. Then we don't talk for a few months aside from a new years greeting. I notice he got a girlfriend and then apparently lost her like immediately, so idk what that was about.
Meanwhile, I graduated high school, moved 3 hours away and started university. Suddenly, there were all of these people who brought substance to my life. People like me, rather than people who tease me for refusing a bong and just talk about drugs nonstop. People who made me laugh and looked me in the eyes and listened when I talked to them, people who had interesting things to say and stuff that we could actually DO. People who I feel safe with and understood and engaged by, who make me feel energised rather than drained. Suddenly I didn't feel a need for most of my hometown friends, who didn't really seem to miss me as much as my uni friends did when I visited home, and they just kinda faded from memory.
Reenter Oliver. He tells me that he's almost finished his program for managing his anger. I said that it was good, and I was glad - because it's true, we talked about it for a minute. But my subpar replies shined through and then he said "You don't want to talk to me because you're still hurt because of me being an asshole, and I'm sorry." I told him that it was more because I'm in uni now (he had gotten extremely angry when he found out I was going to uni a few months before, funnily enough) and I'm suddenly surrounded by dozens of people who I have to build new relationships with, who I also have a lot more in common with than anyone back home. He just said "Ok"
I appreciate the effort that he went to, but also I just know that there's nothing I could really gain from talking to him. I immediately feel tired whenever he messages me and I know that we won't go far beyond small talk, which I honestly don't have time for at this point in my life. I feel like my relationship quota is very full; I can barely keep up with everyone already IN my life currently. I feel content with my circles, I don't feel the need for anyone else, I'd rather focus on the people right in front of me. But should I be giving him more time because he DID try SO hard to be a better person? Am I being unfair to him by not even giving him another chance? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
pRrYCycr1dx26OtFQ3zHlU5NIyvJ0WDd | an9dtx | null | AITA for the way I blew up on a socially awkward dude after his behavior around my friends | So a friend of mine was chilling over in my dorm room with a lady friend of his, (we’ll call them Jack and Jill) both of them were enjoying playing smash bros with a bit of laughing and flirting, I would’ve just let them be but a local dude from around the dorm (let’s call him Frank) decided to tag along with them (to neither of their consent).
Well while I didn’t personally know Frank word is that he’s that kind of guy that tries to force interactions with you even if you don’t want to and has done it enough apparently to gain a fairly annoying reputation although the guys who I’ve heard it from are too nice to tell him, due to apparently feeling bad about how he’s a orphan kid and some other stuff, yet they do what they can to avoid him when possible. Well Jack has also had his run ins with Frank but his negative accounts are mostly when Jack has been hanging out with Jill and Frank shows up to ruin the party. Apparently Frank has a tendency to lie when around Jill and does so in a way that makes it seem like he’s trying to impress her but at the same time his lies are so bogus that Jill can see right through them. Well Jack and Jill again are both too nice to tell him off but instead just let him go at it and entertain all his lies with occasional nods and “oh really”s.
So here we are in the dorm and Franks starting to do exactly that type of stuff and it’s getting on my nerves because while they’re not dating or anything it doesn’t take much to see that both Jack and Jill must be talking and Frank is really just making it awkward for them to enjoy each other’s company. Well I had made the mistake of also letting Frank play the game as well so now he’s stuck here and only making things more awkward. This whole time I’m just observing the situation but then he just gets even worse, he was initially standing up playing the game but then decides he needs to sit down, cool, but for some reason he decides he needs to sit in between both Jack and Jill despite plenty of other space available so he initially asks Jill to scoot over but when she puzzling asks why and is hesitant to do so Frank takes things into his own hands and while Jill is still in the seat and playing the game moves her chair over from near Jack to make room for his own.
Well that was a big problem for me personally and again made the atmosphere even more awkward, but I just decide to keep my mouth shut. So later on in an attempt to get Frank out of here Jack decides to switch to a two player game, and of course Frank has played this game so the whole time he’s constantly instructing and touching Jills controller (even though, surprise, she wasn’t asking for any of it). Well seeing as to how she’s constantly denying his attempts to “help” her Frank wanders off into the corner of the room and gets on his phone, and while I don’t know what he was doing while he was on there he decides to randomly say
“I don’t know why I’m single... My dick is so perfect”
.....
Saying this loud enough for everyone to hear, but I guess he doesn’t think we heard him because as me, Jack and Jill are all looking at each other, our eyes giving that “did he really say that” look, he decides to say it again, “I mean my dick is godly perfect”, this time passing by Jill and giving her a slight look as he does so, I’m guessing for assurance to see if she was at all aroused by this comment, which she of course isn’t returning. Well Jack is the first to speak up and tells Frank that “that was uncalled for and he should really watch out what he says and who he says it around” but as I said before Jack is just too nice and I didn’t feel like he really got across just how uncomfortable Frank just made everybody so I then decide to check him as well.
So, and I quote, tell him, “Nah dude that shits not okay, you say some stupid shit like that again and you’re getting the fuck out of my room”. Well I’m guessing it works because for the rest of the night the guy isn’t nearly as annoying but still lingers in the room, and the whole time I’m regretting not having sent him out then and there.
AITA for the way I responded to the whole thing given what went down that night, and taking into account the fact that he’s a orphan and pretty socially awkward. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
nsQGaZXCV3jcURVsSLeCWYpWvM9u5kAL | afcabx | {
"description": "being still friends with a potential predator because she's going to have a tv show",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA I am still friends with a potential predator because she’s going to have a TV show | AITA
Context: S (the friend, in question) and I had been friends since middle school (we are now seniors in high school). We had a lot in common and were in the same theater company. But, over the years, she has become more and more creepy and inappropriate with me and some of other mutual friends.
Particularly with one of our mutual friends, Ariel. S once asked out Ariel, Ariel said no. But, S is really creepy with Ariel and once tried to take her shirt off in front of her, but I stopped her after Ariel said no.
She also once gave a lap dance to two guys without asking first, with one of their girlfriends standing right there, during a karaoke night. I apologized to both of them. Luckily, they didn’t seem to care.
When I addressed some of this behavior with her, she proceeded to use her Autism as an excuse. She has shown no signs of improvement or self-reflection.
Recently, I’ve been trying to disassociate with her, until I hear news from her and reliable sources, that she is getting a fictional TV show that is starring her as a teenage girl on the Autistic spectrum. So, now, I’m trying to get closer with her, again, so, I can have this great connection in the entertainment industry ( I want to be a writer/actor, if anyone cared). Although, I am positive, she’s going to abuse her power as a celebrity.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
5HEnAkadfSQtRNPQDlhNtTCaBhg1LATT | b2itko | {
"description": "telling my wife she can't go back to school",
"pronormative_score": 68,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | WIBTA if I tell my wife she can’t go back to school? | When we moved into our current house we were both working and able to live some what comfortably. She became pregnant with our first. During her pregnancy she decided that she wanted to leave her job and be a stay a home mom. It definitely made finances tighter, but we managed.
Our daughter is two now. Lately my wife has been talking about wanting to return to school. She wants to take business administration. When I asked specifically what she wanted to do with the degree she had no set idea and just said that it would open a lot more doors for her if she returns to work.
I’ve tried involving her in our finances. She really just seems purposely blind to how tight things are on one income alone. There have been multiple times that she’s bought things that we can’t really afford. I just don’t see how we could make her going back to school work. Tuition and books aren’t cheap on top of the day care we would have to get for our daughter.
There’s another reason why I’m unsupportive of her going back to school. Early on in our marriage she went to college for Vet tech and was adamant that this was the path for her. Two months in and she decided that it wasn’t for her after all and just quit. It was a state school, but still quite an expensive investment not to get any return on. I’d be more conflicted if she had an actual plan with what she wanted to do with a business degree, but just opening doors doesn’t seem like a good enough reason to me. Open doors don’t guarantee anything, it’s rough out there employment wise.
I want to tell her that down the line when we’re more secure would be the time to return to school, but right now it’s just not do able.
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 28,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 40,
"INFO": 4
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 68,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
TZ7cl1S8DYc0hvdeNpEiteXSezxdHwis | b54nsr | {
"description": "getting married (and not have a wedding) without telling my parents first",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for getting married (and not have a wedding) without telling my parents first? | On mobile, I apologize for the format.
Growing up, I’ve witnessed many marriages fall apart and almost all my relatives, including my parents, are divorced.
When I (F25) started talking about marriage with my partner (M26), we discussed what we did and did not want. One of the things we agreed on was to not have a wedding. My parents are divorced and I don’t have really supportive relatives, many of which bullied and gossiped about me throughout my life. His family is huge, they live all around the world and we didn’t want them (or us!) to be spending more money than necessary.
His parents and family have taken it very well, they are extremely happy for us. My parents, on the other hand, are not as happy. My mom feels “betrayed” that my husband “just took me away so easily.” She really wanted a large, traditional wedding so she could “give me away.” My dad says that I “can’t be trusted” because I “just went and got married.” I never confided in my parents about my relationships because their marriage consisted of lies, deceit, and affairs which ended in a bitter (and still toxic) divorce.
AITA for getting married without my parents present and not having a wedding so I don’t have to spend money, time, or energy on a day that I did not want with people I do not like because it’s not “tradition”? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
NjyiQ4892ytzCYVFSBCSGSHOGHwUQNiV | aj72kf | {
"description": "this breakup happening",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for this breakup happening? | TL;DR gf of 3 years left me claiming I neglected her, but I think I was doing my best as a man with the presented situation, please help me realize what possibly went wrong, so I can finally set my emotions straight. I have ups and downs one day I think IATA and one day SITA.
Apologies for long post but I have to get this off my chest. 3 years ago I met a very nice girl. She was absolutely gorgeous, and I was a "player" in school. Even though I wouldn't date I'd have alot of girls orbiting around me. However when I met (let's call her A) A, I was succumbed to her looks and personality. I would date because I was so blue pilled and wanted a good girl. Seeing as everyone in school was just cheating and getting on and off relationship, that was smth I didn't want.
Fast forward me and her met while she was going thru a breakup with her ex. We hit it off really well, she was very shy, insecure, claimed to be depressed and have anxiety. Was not doing well in school at all. Was barely speaking to her family and lived in a shitty basement with her mom.
Being such a hopeless romantic I quickly fell for the sweet romantic gestures. Brainwashed even, I couldn't believe I found "the one" and started to develop feeling very rapidly. She would visit me at work, we would spend every minute of the day together. Meet up between classes. After school, before school. Everything together. She wrote me and made me art's and crafts very often. Some of the most sweetest and seemingly genuine words I've ever read. She made me feel so high, and in return all I wanted to do was "save" her.
She told me very early before we even made it official that she was abused as a child and abused as a teen by other guys. And told me her ex manipulated her and basically considered his manipulation to mean "rape"... Even though I had promised myself that my first time would be with a virgin, she somehow convinced me that since it was never her Choice in the past, that she was still a virgin. And I never countered that, always said yes she is and always considered it both our first time.
We had some ups and downs but never on and off relationship, every argument somehow we would find our way back by the end of the day. But as I now realize I mostly apologized. Even when she would say sorry, then I would feel sorry for making her feel sad so I'd end up telling her I'm sorry and that whatever happened wasn't that big of a deal.
I'm school I was somewhat popular and cool with teachers so I put in good words for her with them so they would help her out. I would sit for hours helping her with homework so she wouldn't fail classes. I'd bring her food almost everyday to class. Countless sleepless nights that I would spend reading about depression and how to help someone dealing with it. I became so addicted to helping her that I totally forgot about myself and my hobbies. I just wanted her to be happy. And it seemed like we were. Our relationship seemed out of this world. We did everything together and never had any major setbacks. Never any lack of trust, always super romantic. I came from a European traditional family and they never liked my girlfriend because they said she was fake and was using me and distracting me from achieving my goals. But I would always fight with my parents and family telling them they just didn't get it.
I always sided with her. Always gave her everything I could possibly give. Time, energy, money, trips, I lied to family for her, roke trust with parents, for her. Distanced myself from any social network I had, even though my guy friends always had my back, I distanced myself because I was spending every waking moment with her. And I didn't care. I never regretted it while it lasted. But it took a toll on me. I wasn't a starlight A student anymore, I was happy with less, satisfied with mediocre goals. And gave all my energy and positivity to her. But it never meant shit. Even though I would motivate her, it wouldn't last long.
She never kept her promises and I stupidly never broke it off. In school I used to tell her if she didn't graduate with good scores that as couldn't last as I wanted a woman who had high goals and wanted smth out of her life. She would always promise me that for me she'd work very hard. She'd promise me that me giving her advice and wanting the best for her was the only thing she needed. I taught this girl how to drive, how to manage the little money she'd work for. Her mom was a bum, hooking up wit a married guy, up to her throat in debts and never amiunted to anything besides drama. But still I'd tell my then girlfriend that she should fix her relationship with her mom, as at one point they were not in speaking terms.
I'd put my dignity in line vouching for this girl and she'd always let me down but still is juetfy it with "she's depressed she can't do it", but all she ever did was wallow in self pity and whenever k wasn't happy with her actions she'd say I'm sorry I'm not good enough (total. Psychological manipulation, so I'd feel bad and tell her it was okay) it got to a point that I didn't care anymore how her life turned out and I knew is be successful and make smth out of myself and take care of the both of us, as long as she was by my side and happy that's all I wanted. We dated for almost 2 years and she got pregnant at 18 and I 18 also. It was a whole mess and I asked her to abort but after countless back and forth we kept the baby. It wzs such a life changing decision but she gave me an ultimatum either abort and we break up, or keep the baby and make it work. I obviously chose her.
My family. Didn't take it well at all and after alot of drama and as it was all said and done they accepted the fact and were nothing but supportive towards the baby, but never towards her. And I couldn't understand why. To me she was such a loving sweet girl, and all I would hope for was that her depression would go away and she'd finally see some good days in her life. That's all I wanted for her to be happy because her past was so abusive and touching that I felt as if I was obligated to make her happy. And she'd return me the goods at some point when she wasn't depressed anymore.
As the baby was approaching to being born I made a critical decision to graduate HS early and start working to save up. And so I did. Saved alot of money and then we needed a place to stay because staying with either family was too much stress and drama. She'd always wanted to move out of state and I made it happen after one day she cried hysterically and told me she wanted to escape. So I got an apartment far away like 7 hours from home in a different state and started to furnish it and work alot. She then when it was time to come over with the baby tried to commit suicide. I drove back home crying all the way because I felt so guoty that I wasn't there with her to "save". Anyways this past and after alot of "idk, idk, idk" from her she finally came. She gave me so much shit even though originally it was her idea to move out.
When we started to live together it juet got worse. All she did was take care of the baby and watch TV all day. I was starting to feel like a plow horse. And all the money I was making (keep in mind I'm 19) was going to bills and stuff for her. I never bought anything for myself. I worked the night shift and barely slept during the day because I would spend hours on taking her out for dinners or lunch or to go shopping, just so she wouldn't feel stuck at home. I tried my hardest to give her exciting dates and stuff to do. I even left the only. Thing keeping me sane, powerlfiting, and stopped training because I didn't want her to feel like I was working on my hobbies while she was at home.
I tried to motivate her to get a job and she always said she would but somehow never did. I'd come home and she'd barely ever cook, barely ever clean. I'd end up doing house chores and didn't even feel taken advantage off because I felt bad she was home all day. So. I'd come home and clean the apartment. But after a. Few months I couldn't take it anymore and arguments started. I'd come home frustrated to find it a mess and we'd fight and she'd apologize sometimes in the begging but then later she started to close off and not say anything and just stay sitting down until I'd shut up. I started to get thoughts of breaking up and I think she could feel it. It talk to a very trusted coworker that I wasn't happy. But I never thought of actually leaving her. I always thought my unhappiness was smth wrong with me and if only I did more then she'd be happy too and start helping me therfore our relationship would be back to normal. But it never worked no matter how many sacrifices I'd make.
The final days came when my grandma got sick and I went to see her back to my home country. Before going I gave my gf a few hundred dollars to spend with friends as I was taking her to her mom's place to spend time and relax there while I was gone. Meanwhile at a club a guy got her social media and hit her up. And she told me about it and I was pissed saying why would he hit her up, as in why would she even give him a contact info? She then took this as a chance to tell me that I have no right to say this because she's never cheated before, and continued to say she thinks it's best we take a break. I didn't think much of it because this low had happened before but we always found our way back. A cpule days later she told me it was best if we break up officially and just live together for the sake of our daughter. I couldn't believe it and still didn't take it 100% seriously. While I came back from vacation I went to go see her and drive back home. With her. She told me she wanted to stay at her mom's a bit longer, with which I furiously disagreed saying that we don't have time for this and we need | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
lxu1PP2m0PllOzOxk6eDEQXWDCegj7gT | adl10q | {
"description": "refusing to perform at my mother's wedding",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for refusing to perform at my mother's wedding? | My Mom and I have been close forever. She met my "stepdad" when I was very young, and he is a great father. Their 20 year anniversary is approaching, and due to my moms financial circumstances etc. They are only now marrying. I love them both very much and I'm glad to be there.
My mom is VERY sentimental. Her favorite song is "Hallelujah" by Leonard Cohen. My mom has struggled with severe depression through my (and her) whole life, and on several occasions in my adult life, she has been on the brink of suicide. I drive down to visit her and bring my guitar, and every time I play her favorite song it brings her back to reality.
She is planning her wedding as a surprise for my dad, and she asked me specifically to play this song at her wedding for them. Of course, I said yes. This has been the plan for several months. Her brother is a minister and he is officiating their wedding, so it is a very personal and sentimental ceremony. She isn't having a large group of people.
The other night mom texts me from a bar (a little tipsy) about a woman there doing Karaoke. She sent me a fuzzy video of a woman who I presume sings for a church choir belting out none other than Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah. I said it was very nice, and left it at that.
The following morning Mom calls me up to rant and rave about the woman she met and how great her singing was. She then informed me that she asked this woman to sing the same song for her wedding, and asked me instead to just play accompanying guitar. This is about 2 months before the wedding.
My feelings were hurt. I told her that, and she blew me off saying that I "probably wouldn't even have sang it". She then told me that I was just going to play guitar, and in a perfect world I would have sang it for her, but she knew I wouldn't. She started back peddling and saying she knew i had anxiety and wouldn't perform in front of people.
Not only does that seem inappropriate to me, but I was in a band for several years and have played in front of crowds very often. It seems she realizes she made a mistake in how she worded this to me, and is trying to find a reason to justify herself.
I told her that i hope this woman knows how to play the accompanyment, because there is no way i would do it now. I didn't rescind my wedding attendance, and it wasn't a huge argument. She is now pestering me every time I talk to her, saying she wants me to sing, she didnt realize i was seriously going to play etc. Etc..
I know it's HER wedding, and I have no problem there. She can have this woman play the song, but I was under the impression that there was some significant sentiment to me performing for her and dad.
AITA for refusing to play accompanying guitar for this woman?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
JO7e2SdgnfSVCAti6uhziMIAwl0RsxU6 | ay28sd | {
"description": "making some brownies last night",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 21
} | AITA Because I Made Some Brownies Last Night? | TLDR; My wife started a meal plan last week, I made brownies last night. She can't partake until Sunday although I saved her some. (It was Tuesday). AITA
​
​
So my wife has been on a health kick recently after our Dr. visit, and has been working out every day and has a strict meal plan she has kept to. I am very proud of her for this, and she allows herself 1 free day of eating per week. Sunday, now I myself don't have a meal plan. I often take part in her meals, because they are a healthy alternative but are otherwise quite tasty. Now, that being said, I am not against my sweet tooth and last night I had a HUGE craving for brownies. I had a box in the pantry and just couldn't resist the idea of making some. Before I do my wife stops me and says that I should wait a couple days at least, so she could have a brownie or two on her free day.
​
​
Now, I don't think it's fair that just because she's on a meal plan that I also have to limit my sweet tooth cravings. She says it's not fair to make the brownies and she won't be able to eat them for a week, when she claims they will be stale and hard, suggesting I at least wait for Friday so when she can have one they'll be still 'kinda fresh'. I told her that microwaving them works, and they'll be basically just the same and I would save her a bunch. She then went on to say that it was torture to have to smell the brownies baking and not be able to have any, I think she's being dramatic. She's lasted over a week on her meal plan without cheating, there should be no reason I can't bake a batch of brownies.
​
​
I decided to give into my sweet tooth (Obviously, or else this post wouldn't exist) and went on to make the brownies, I felt it wasn't that big of a deal. When my wife saw what I was doing, you'd think I just hit her dog with a car, she immediately starts yelling at me that I am selfish and unsupportive and ran off to go to bed. Later on, when I went to join her she immediately pulled away from me, to the point of getting out of bed herself just to tell me not to touch her. So here comes my question.
​
​
Am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 17,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 21
} | WRONG |
1Bd6UtzMOzQG6kwKBT0m07JjwxcOmxN3 | 9ydmd5 | {
"description": "chewing out my manager",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For chewing out my manager? | I work at mcdonalds because it pays the highest out of the jobs i can currently get since i’m still youngish. I close most of the time, which means i clean everyone’s mess at the end of the night. One kid during the day decided to not clean up his mess after doing grease traps (cleaning the grease that gets collected during the day while we cook) and they decided to put up a note saying we all had to use a floor sink, thus making a 10 minute job into a 30-40 minute job. I chewed out the manager that did this, because it seems a little stupid to punish all of us for it. We’re young adults, and it seems like it would’ve been better to just write him up and teach him, since everyone else does the job correctly.
TL;DR. I work at mcdonald’s, am a young adult, and someone younger made a stupid decision and the manager decided to punish everyone even though everyone else does the job right. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 1
} | WRONG |
8jZLSum3Z9c3TELa893CE82BPoa0sUgB | b01f4j | {
"description": "not wanting to go on a trip with my mom",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to go on a trip with my mom? | I'm 25 and living on my own and my mom is widowed (about seven years ago). My only sibling, my sister, has cut contact with our family out of the blue for a few months now and while we're not afraid that she'll hurt herself or start using drugs or stealing, there's a lot of unknowns in regards to that. That's all relevant background for this post. About a week ago my mom asked me if I might want to go on an overseas trip later in the year and I said "maybe" and that it depended on some factors. We talked about other things and that was it. A few days later, she called me and we had a 30 minute argument over me having said "maybe" to her question instead of a definitive "yes" or "sure". She said that it hurt her to hear me say that and that my answer communicated how I felt about our relationship. I apologized for making her feel bad and tried to explain that it was just about the trip and that she knew that if she needed me for anything I would be right there with no grumbling. We kind of went back and forth on this point with her not saying but implying that my hem-haw about a hypothetical trip said much larger things about our relationship and me trying to fight against that, telling her that if the situations were reversed, I wouldn't take it the way she's taking it. Essentially that me being there in a crisis moment means more than me being there in a fun moment. I told her that it's not fair for her to be putting all of the emotional weight of my dad/her husband's death and my sister's absence on me. I also pointed out that earlier this year we went to Philadelphia together for a trip and that we were going to be taking a trip to Seattle in a few months and that it wasn't like I was distancing myself. She was pretty unmoved from her point about me being "cold" for lack of a better word and she said I was behaving very abnormally compared to most people my age. She also said that she had a feeling that eventually our family would shatter due to sentiments like this. AITA in this situation?
As an aside, my mom has had in the past a little bit of a temper and I've been on the receiving end on it multiple times when it was just the two of us on a trip and she was passive-aggressive with me on the latest trip the two of us took and I'm not sure if that's affecting my willingness to go on an extended trip with her. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
dZgfPjtPtDbMwe35jDh9jnTSVz8tLe6v | av9w3i | {
"description": "ending a potential relationship because the guy in question is ignorant and cringe",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for ending a potential relationship because the guy in question is ignorant and cringe? | I'm (17F) a senior in high school this year, and I never really put myself out there or tried getting into a relationship. Initially, it never really mattered to me, but because I'm graduating in just a few months, I kind of feel like I've missed out. I'm a little nervous that I'll look silly going into college a virgin, let alone without having had my first kiss.
So over Christmas break, I was talking to a friend about this, and he asked me if I would help a friend lose their virginity if they had the same problem. I could tell that he was obviously talking about himself. At the time, getting into that kind of a relationship didn't seem like a bad idea. We were both inexperienced so I wouldn't really have to worry about getting judged. So I said yeah I would and we both agreed that we should become friends with benefits. Nothing really changed my opinion until the issue of lube came up. He said it wasn't necessary because a) they didn't use lube in porn and b) the condom comes pre-lubricated. My brain literally fucking shut down after these comments like I couldn't even comprehend the stupidity needed to formulate these statements. I pointed out how he was wrong, and, eventually, he agreed that using lube is a good idea. But at that point I was just fed up.
I told him that I didn't really want to do this anymore because I was scared of my parents finding out, but that's obviously not the reason why I was calling it off. We still talk, but he's dropping these passive aggressive hints about how he just wants to get with a girl before college and is that too much to ask for? He's brought up more than once about how we can always follow through even though I don't really want to. Overall he's just complaining to me about this, and he seems bitter. It's making me a little uncomfortable and annoyed, but I don't know if this is my fault for encouraging it in the first place. | HISTORICAL | {
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RCCAEPoeEIbvroTsZ01DqjlvGZe7pzoX | a7gnvs | {
"description": "telling my wife I think it's weird that she still sits/cuddles on her father's lap when we visit each other",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 17
} | AITA for telling my wife I think it’s weird that she still sits/cuddles on her father’s lap when we visit each other? |
My wife has two brothers who are several years older and I’ve always gotten the impression her parents still view her as the baby. She’s pretty spoiled by them (before she got married, they paid for school,cars, rent, clothes, and whatever else she wanted). That was fine because I knew what I was getting into with her.
But what irks me is that it’s like she regresses when she gets around her parents. I don’t know how to even articulate it. The lap thing though is the most obvious example. If I’m being frank, it weirds me out. I thought it was just me but one time at a birthday party for another family member, my own mom actually asked me about it.
Basically my wife will sit on her dad’s lap and cuddle with him. Often put her arms around his neck and rest her head on his shoulder. I guess I just didn’t grow up in a house where people did that past like age 7, I don’t know.
ALSO her dad still buys her presents that in my mind, are a bit much. For example, my mother-in-law told me that he’s planning to give my wife some kind of diamond pendant for Christmas. I guess it’s nice but also...why...
I spoke to my wife about the lap thing because I thought it was the most concrete things I could mention. But she got all defensive and irritated. By the end of the conversation she just goes “Fine! I won’t do it anymore!”
I know she’s pissed at me now. But was I in the wrong? I mean is all this stuff normal and I’m just missing something?
(Originally posted in the advice sub but someone pm’ed and said it might be appropriate here too). | HISTORICAL | {
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vtaW2Y2j0wWEDsNafBFkkK7iHP3TYvya | awb15q | {
"description": "not crying when my friend told me her mom died",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not crying when my friend told me her mom died? | So my friend’s mom has been sick for a while, long before I even met my friend. She died a few days ago and when I saw her at school today she broke the news to me and my friends. I was sad for her of course and comforted her but I couldn’t cry. I’m not sure why. It made me feel like an emotionless asshole but I just didn’t have any tears. I felt even more like shit when I saw my other friends crying for her. AITA and a terrible person overall? | HISTORICAL | {
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uVWk5AseTN3S7TZNvlDDnZyolplDG9BD | ab3w8x | {
"description": "not wanting to care for a disrespecting ungrateful family member",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to care for a disrespecting ungrateful family member | I take care of my grandfather it's never been easy because he's manipulative and has selective memory like you wouldn't believe.
Few months ago I spotted something odd on his lip and tried to take him to the hospital for exam but he refused, adamantly. Finally turns into a lump on his neck and it ends up being cancer. Surgery was planned for a month later.
Since we've known I've been blowing through my savings taking him out for fancy dinners and anything else he requested, buying him anything he needs for him to be comfortable after surgery and countless money on lyft/uber rides to be by his side at the hospital every single day.
Well today he was released and after everything I've done, all the money I've spent and time put in to not only his current well being but future care at home. We took two whole steps out of the room and the first words out of his mouth were, and I quote verbatim "Real fucking help you are."
With that statement he severed any semblance of family connection we still had, I can't even look at him without wanting to break things.
Everyone thinks he's a nice person because they only deal with him for 5 minutes at a time, if I decide to stop helping the only person who's going to look bad is me.
Either I leave and look bad, or stay and continue to deal with abuse.
Long story short, aita for not wanting to care for a mentally and physically abusive family member who has no one left to care for him. | HISTORICAL | {
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ZhFBLXNrr5AVMxQxgS85PavgSP95oKz9 | adqmma | {
"description": "declining to share my curriculum with someone I dislike",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA if I decline to share my curriculum with someone I dislike? | Just to give an age reference, I'm in my mid-30s and the guy I dislike is in his late-40s.
​
He's my wife's cousin's husband's friend so I see him fairly often at house parties as my wife is very close with her cousin and they love having people over. I dislike this guy because he frequently makes passive aggressive comments at me, hits on my wife, and talks shit about me behind my back. Multiple people have brought up to me how he is always talking behind my back and I responded with, "Really? I hadn't noticed, I don't really listen to what he says." Anyway, I'm happy to play it like this because I don't really care, he's an asshole, and it's not like I see him that often, so, screw it. Let him have his fun time because it's true, I just don't respect him so I don't care what he says.
​
Anyway, now to the issue. I have been a teacher for quite some time and this man is currently in the process of becoming a teacher in the same subject that I teach and is beginning his student teaching in a month. He shared this with me because, since I was face-to-face with him, and he never makes comments to my face, he acts like a completely normal and chill guy, he said, "Yeah, man, when I go into student teaching I know you have a great curriculum so I'm definitely going to ask you to share your stuff with me!"
​
If it were anyone else, I'd say, "Of course!" I'm happy to help out new teachers because I received help myself when I was new, but, for this guy? WIBTA if I told him no? How would I say no to him?
​
Thank you! | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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hExmrl5k64orVwRX8BShwiJXiJKO4tLG | 9vfz7o | {
"description": "working too much",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for working too much? | I just moved to an awesome little ski town with my SO. I went remote at my current marketing job to do so. It's a pretty high stress position. I have to work late almost every weekday, 9-10 hours.
She has a good bit of money saved from her summer job and is currently working very little, and enjoying it.
She often complains that I work too much and hates that I have to schedule plans for us around my job. Today she was especially aggressive about it and I blew up at her, said she was only making a stressful job fucking worse every damn day.
She wants me to quit and work for the mountain (a decent pay drop). Says I should pursue my happiness or whatever. Thing is, I'm not sitting on a pile of cash like her. Plus she never hesitates to let me buy her shit, complains when I don't, and complains when I ask the same of her. I've got nice shit I want to buy for myself too, and this job helps me do that!
But, idk, I yelled at her quite a bit today about making my life hell because she's moderately inconvenienced. I may be jealous she has the freedom to work just a little and shop around for a job she really loves, but, fuck, I'm working so hard so I can do that for me too.
So, am I the asshole for consistently working late even when she begs me not to? | HISTORICAL | {
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H8UA61giFzX4sbgAXZtXtFaCblzZIJVO | ah11z3 | {
"description": "wanting my gf to sever ties with a male friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for wanting my gf to sever ties with a male friend? | We've been together almost 2 years.
Recently a long term male friend of my gf started working with her. They've known each other for about 4 years and have no physical or emotional past beyond a solid friendship. He's hung out around our place and joined us for whatever activities our group is into. Last week they were talking about relationships when he said somethings to her along the lines of;
"I only go after trophy girls."
"I stole a girl from a friend once."
"I could've stole you from *insert her ex's name* if I wanted to."
He lives in his parents basement, hasn't held a steady job the 2 years I've known him, rarely does anything social and has been single the entire time as well.
She is literally his only friend outside of his male cousin, but she still has many other male friends so it's not a control or jealousy issue.
I don't know if it matters, but I'm all for m/f friendships. They've hung out alone at our place and I have full trust in her, but after his comments towards her I'm having a hard time seeing myself wanting to include him or be around him. I've asked her that their relationship stays to a professional level and stays at work because I don't feel comfortable with him around knowing he thinks such arrogant things about her.
Am I the Asshole!? | HISTORICAL | {
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FKP2sNu4zQziHtVCGe2AtmFbRdfu8SFF | b30h9m | {
"description": "breaking up after only 4 months, one week before her Bday",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for breaking Up after only 4 months, one week before her Bday | I've been with this girl since december 2018. She's a great girl with a wonderful and chill personality. She is everything I want in a girlfriend. She is pretty, supportive, chill, not the jealous type, not clingy etc. However, recently I started to get feelings of breaking up. Here are my reasons why.
Firstly, we have different lifestyles and goals. I believe that since she was brought up in a, I would say, super strict way she lacks confidence in herself. To me personally, that was not a really attractive trait to me. As part of her upbringing, she is also very introverted and socially awkward sometimes. These are things I can totally understand, but for me to envision a long term relationship with them would be very difficult. When we would go out on dates it would be pretty predictable each time. I enjoy her company during the dates however I did not particularly find the dates enjoyable or fun. I asked her about her goals and she seemed uncertain and always mentioned her parents during the conversation. I did not learn these things the few weeks before we made it official. To me she seems like someone I can really trust and rely on for support but not in a girlfriend way.
Secondly, I mentioned above she had strict parents. I know, I have only been dating for about 4 months and her parents have no reason to trust a 20 year old boy. However, her parents have really strict rules for her to live by. For example, she can't leave the house to go out on dates every week. One day she mentioned that I should come hang out at her house more often. I told her, sure, let me know when you're alone and we can hangout. She replies with why do we have to be alone. This kinda hit me. Her house is also fully monitored by cctvs which makes me feel very uncomfortable. She also expects me to come hangout in her house when her parents are home which also makes me feel uncomfortable. For example this semester break I was planning to bring her to the countryside to sight see and distress however when I hinted toward the subject she stated her parents would not allow that to happen which I mean I kinda understood but was really disappointed.
You might be thinking why I have not brought these issues up with her. Well, the problems I mentioned were as follows, lifestyle, goals and parents. I do not by any means want anyone to change their life, goals or relationship with their parents just to fit my needs. That to me is just horrible. To me, I feel like we do not fit well together. I feel that a clean and respectful talk is needed between us tomorrow and I hope she can respect my decision on breaking up. It's unfair to put her through this any longer. I cannot force love in my opinion it happens naturally, and well, I can't seem to find that love for her.
Did I judge to quickly and aita for breaking up for these reasons and right before her bday. | HISTORICAL | {
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e6g6zwuXIsmd7GcTApeq6c5z7giAakfS | aromzi | {
"description": "not being ready to let go of my ex",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not being ready to let go of my ex? | For a little background, I have been with my first & current partner for 17 years, married for 11 of those. So until recently I had lots of experience with communication & compromise in a relationship, but none whatsoever with a relationship *ending.* Then we opened our marriage to allow for other loving relationships; no problem there. But I had another relationship, I got dumped, and I'm concerned that I'm handling that poorly.
Here are the details: I was dating this woman for 3-4 months. (I give a range because it started really slow. I had a lengthy flu and she couldn't afford to risk getting sick - so we met once and then there was a lot of texting & phone calls after we decided to try dating but before we could see each other in person again.) All in all, I thought it was going really well. We both highly valued honesty & communication, had similar personalities, and found each other interesting. After a while, she got busy and we didn't see each other very much. There were a few times where she just wanted to relax on her own after a busy week; even though I knew she was stretched pretty thin, I'd ask if she wanted to do anything and figured it was a good sign that she was comfortable enough with me to say no. She *was* still clearly making efforts to fit me in. In hindsight, I think it was a mistake not to give her more space. I'd been planning on asking her if I needed to adjust my expectations around how often we could see each other, but I delayed, not wanting to make her feel guilty for how busy she was - after Christmas we were expecting things to settle down, so I was going to play it by ear and talk to her about it then if it still seemed necessary.
Well, the Saturday before Christmas we had plans together. I was really looking forward to seeing her again, as outside of a brief encounter it had been about 3 weeks since we'd hung out. She hadn't even been replying much to texts, which made me nervous but aside from that she had given me no indication that anything was amiss and 3 weeks prior it really, really seemed like she was happy to see me & enjoying my company. Anyway, Saturday morning I got an email from her. She said she had something "internal" that she needed to focus on. She had some books of mine that she said she'd return after the break. She apologized for doing it over email, but said doing it face-to-face was not within her ability at that time and she didn't want to avoid me until it was. I know that email/text break-ups are universally despised but I forgive her that. I think she planned to do it when she saw me that day, and really would have done it differently if she could. She even answered her phone when I called to make sure she was okay. Honestly I was surprised that she did, but I was worried - remember I hadn't seen her in a long time, and she had been uncharacteristically quiet over messaging.
The problem is, I haven't really heard from her since. This concerns me because 1) She still has the books she said she'd return, and I'm worried that she may try to mail them to avoid talking to me. Those were all my favourite books from childhood so while I don't mind her having them for a time, I am quite concerned that they might not fare well going through the mail and/or sitting in a box on my porch in the snow for most of a day if the mail carrier opts to leave them. 2) I have something of hers which I would strongly prefer to pass over in-person... but she's probably forgotten I have it. 3) Last but not least, I have a million questions. I suppose that's probably why she doesn't want to talk to me, but it would really help me to move past this if I knew the answers. Did I do something wrong? (If so, I'd like to learn from my mistake.) Can we ever be friends again? Maybe even start the relationship up again when she's in a better place? (I can't help but suspect that the internal issues thing is only a partial reason, that maybe she just wasn't feeling it or something - I know that "it's not you it's me" is an extremely common lie - but maybe not. Given how much we talked about honesty and everything I know about her values and even the things she occasionally posts to Facebook, it seems genuinely possible that this truly isn't about me at all.)
So, here's where the AITA comes in. I know that she doesn't owe me anything. And I have seen how scary it is when you ask someone to get out of your life but they refuse to. Stalkers are real and terrifying and I'm afraid of becoming one. But I keep wavering between "She's not answering me so clearly she doesn't want to talk to me and I need to leave her alone" and "If she wanted me to leave her alone, surely she would say so. Maybe she's struggling with depression or anxiety and thinks she's just a burden on me, and what she really needs is for me not to give up on her yet."
Here is the contact I have made so far:
​
* As mentioned, called her about 5 hours after the break-up email and spoke briefly.
* 2.5 weeks later, sent this email: "I've been trying to curb my desire to contact you, because I thought you probably wouldn't want me to - or at least not yet. But I just saw your recent post on Facebook and now I'm a lot less sure. I know I'd been asking for a lot of your time. If what you need right now is less, I understand that. And I don't need any commitments. I *am* afraid of being that person who won't go away when they're asked to... but if you're not wanting me out of your life completely, I would really prefer not to be. Maybe I could give you a call on Friday and see if you're up for lunch?" (No response, but none expected.)
* Called on the stated Friday. Tried her cell once, waited a bit, tried the cell again, waited a bit, decided to try the house line just in case. Stopped there. Forty minutes later I saw that I had an email from her with a subject line stating that she was on an important conference call. No message body.
* At the time I interpreted this to mean that it was okay that I had called, so I immediately sent an email thanking her for letting me know and saying I'd try again on Tuesday. (I know that was too soon, but it was a convenient day for a few reasons. And I guess I was impatient.) I have since wondered if her email was more of a "you need to stop calling me" response. She had sent it a minute or so after my third attempt, not having any way to know that I wasn't going to just keep trying. (Again, no response, but none expected.)
* Called on the stated Tuesday. This time tried the cell once and the house once before stopping. No email, no return call, nothing.
* I meant to stop there, at least for a couple of months, I really did. But another Facebook post prompted a swing in my resolve and I sent her a poorly-considered private message on Facebook. In it, I asked that she give me clear direction on whether I should stay away or for how long. That was almost 2 weeks ago (3 weeks after the last phone call). No response.
​
Obviously, even if she does want to hear from me again she almost certainly needs more time. So I have every intention now to leave this for another 2 or 3 months at least. (Unless she contacts me or the books appear on my doorstep; in the latter case I'll probably leave her item in her mailbox with a note like "I hope when you're ready, you'll look me up".) But I seem to have poor resolve on that, and having internet strangers chide me and give me further reasons to leave her alone would probably be good for me. Also, I am honestly not sure if I'm in the wrong for trying so many times already and for wanting to try again at all. The lack of response seems to make her will pretty clear... but she hasn't asked me to stop, she hasn't unfriended me, and she told me she'd return my books and she hasn't so there's an implication that she expects to talk to me again. She also promised while we were dating that she wouldn't ghost me, which she didn't, but it feels very close to it to me. I would really appreciate a chance for some closure. I guess from her point of view she gave me that chance when she answered the phone, but I was too worried about her then to think to ask the questions that are bothering me now. And if nothing else... those books meant a lot to me.
​
Anyway, **AITA for trying to contact her as many times as I already have, and/or for planning to try again**?
(PS. It shouldn't matter, but it probably does: I am female. If that changes your opinion on this matter, I'd be curious to hear that, and in what way your advice differs because of it.)
(PPS. I imagine I'm going to get a lot of comments saying that she's terrible and I need to get over this ASAP for my own good. At least, my friends have said that to me. But I think whether she is terrible or not depends entirely on the one thing I don't have right now: her perspective. Maybe she was pretending to value honesty but got bored of me and can't be bothered to think of my point of view. Or maybe she's doing the best she can and feels guilty and paralyzed by her inability to respond in the way she knows I want her to - I have GAD, I know exactly how that can happen. Trust me, if it's the former I will happily leave that relationship behind. Besides, I am working on getting over it and have made significant progress, but like everyone else going through the stages of grief, I have good days and bad days.)
| HISTORICAL | {
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Y5od4V99RkAtwwjv37PVWEvAOeGgu0M9 | b9km9z | {
"description": "wanting to disown/hating my sister",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to disown/hating my sister | Important Background: I've gone to 3 therapists all diagnosing me with severe depression and anxiety, to my main therapist my main issue is the need to please others and my inability to say no.
Family; my younger sister (we'll call SB) is 1 1/2 years younger than I.
She is:
•Entitled
•Hypocritical
•So selfish
So yeah, I hate my sister a lot and I want to disown her. I know it seems petty, but I have serious reasons and today just pushed the envelope a little to far...
She is very entitled to the point that if I don't give her what she wants she threatens me. She complains I never tell her anything but when I tell her my secrets she ridicules me and uses it as blackmail. Recently she's taken up using my issues against me by saying that my family is judging me (I'll get into that later). She tries her best to make things about her and when I told her about a traumatic experience that has fucked me up for life she immediately called me a liar and brings it up constantly yet when a minor inconvenience happens and I try not to care she has a meltdown for me not believing her.
Those may all be petty to most but something happened today that urged me to want to take my own life because I just couldn't handle it anymore and honestly I still can't stop crying.
I told her a secret, that I've been sexually active with my boyfriend and (he and I are in out mid-late teens) we're not stupid and use protection. It's that time during school where everyone is getting sick and I caught a slight cold, literally a cold and a small bellyache from not eating. She is now telling me that the whole family (who doesn't know I'm not a virgin) thinks I'm pregnant, and I know I'm not though.
We had this conversation:
SB: Hey I'm going to let you know our grandma hates your boyfriend.
(He is literally the sweetest boy, he always makes sure I've eaten and checks if I'm okay if I'm ever hurt or upset)
Me: so?
SB: She just said if you're pregnant she's going to end her own life
Me: stop, get out of my room
SB: Hey, it's not my fault the whole family is finding out you're a slut
Me: seriously leave me alone
SB: sorry! Just trying to tell the truth, so you and your boyfriend shouldn't have sex like ever... Why does he even like you?
Me: Seriously get the f*** out!
It ended at that, but I went into a panic and wanted to move out and it took so long to calm down. I really don't know what to do, I don't even want to be in my house anymore. I feel lost and antagonized for just trying to experience life.
Am I the asshole for hating her or am I in the right? | HISTORICAL | {
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OWeviniQfpNaCfMEpuz06HEdmrpsks3O | au1xeb | null | WIBTA? frenemy fundraiser | So I got a PM on Facebook a little while ago. It was a girl I went to school with. She wanted me to see a GoFundMe page and donate money to one of our former classmates. This former classmate was my bully. She pulled the typical mean girl stuff when we were kids. She told lies about me, got me into trouble, and got me ostracized from the friend group. She told her mom I called her house trashy after tricking me into agreeing with her (I never thought that) and she lied and told my mom I was saying sexual things to a bunch of boy scouts when it was her doing it (my mom was our Girl Scout leader and we were camping and boy scouts happened to be there too). She also separated me from a girl that I wanted to be friends with and turned her against me, and they are still best friends to this day.
Apparently this girl has a history of dating/marrying abusive men. She had a kid with one guy who beat her and she left him for her current husband. I facebook stalked her a few years ago and she was bragging about how good her current husband was to her and how she never had to work and any woman who has to work is "doing it wrong". Well, all that has changed and the "great husband" has now beaten the holy hell out of her, broken some bones in her face, and she wants money for a lawyer to keep her daughter away from this guy. She's also sent her other kid to live with his dad. The one she claimed beat her before?!
I dunno guys. Kids are involved. But I kinda think she's a pathological liar. And she's already got a new ~~victim~~ guy and is posting lovey-dovey Facebook photos all over for just anyone to look at. Do domestic violence victims do that shit? WIBTA if I just ignored the post and didn't donate to her cause so she can get a lawyer and "protect" her daughter from her "monster" of a husband? I just can't help but think this is just following a pattern. She told a similar story about her other kid's dad and now it's suddenly OK for him to have custody? Doesn't that sound fishy? I kinda think she's up to her same old lies and is just out to be a vindictive bitch and hurt this guy any way she can.
I don't know. You guys decide. Vote. Do I give $$$ or F\*ck Her? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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LAgKwk1JQVT3uCYBiBJbIAOgEIlo5xux | ahu8jj | {
"description": "hating my ex's new relationship",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA For hating my ex's new relationship | Disclaimer: Throwaway, vague story to avoid identification
Ex and I broke up on mutual decision, some important aspects for the relationship didn't quite work. A week later, while I was still in the "maybe I just didn't try hard enough to work it out with him" phase, my Ex got together with someone else, one of the new people in our friend group. I vent to her my feelings of regret, and eventually have a talk with Ex too to get it all off my chest. Result is obviously "too little, too late" since he is with someone new already. But I would find out about that a week later, from a jealous suitor of Girl, who wanted to poison me against those two with claims of cheating etc so I'd help him destroy the relationship. Doesn't help Ex takes forever to respond when I text him to confront him about it. Cue the most painful night of my life. Finally Ex tells me he would never cheat, and I do believe him.
But even so, this whole "not telling me because it is none of my business because we broke up a week ago" and lies of cheating left such a bad taste in my mouth, even months later I can't accept them being together, not truly. I keep that to myself, but I can't stop this feeling of... Hate (it is bit of a strong word, but it's the closest I can come up with) because they disregarded my feelings at the start of their relationship (I'm very honest person, so I would have loved if one of them could have told me, now I just feel like my trust in both of them was betrayed all at once). Am I the asshole for hating those two being together? Because of how betrayed I felt that they would tell Suitor first, and not even coming to tell me right after? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 0,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
dWk9vVopJZAISBlp8LvCih2aA91wkbf5 | b9l1x8 | {
"description": "disagreeing with my mom about mold on cheese",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for disagreeing with my mom about mold on cheese | she was wanting to just cut off the mold of a block of velveeta cheese, me and my brother disagreed and we wound up haveing a fight about it and throwing the cheese away, it calmed down as quickly as it started but should i have just let her? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
l2yagPZCDpLNDDxPLZ4XWJm5U5NAWUoO | b9gyf8 | {
"description": "stopping people from re-sharing the same story with me for the x'th time",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for stopping people from re-sharing the same story with me for the x'th time? | Basically the title, I have some friends who have a habit of repeating the same story to me multiple times. I understand telling me a few times, but if it's every time I see them, I just feel like I can no longer genuinely react to the story considering I can recite it word for word.
Am I the asshole for saying "you've mentioned this one", or "oh yeah, I remember that one" before they finish? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
4YNqww7Gq5ZKvoK1uXU4Lm8IrmbHOJYD | aw37cr | null | AITA for this | I will start off by saying that I suffer from depression and anxiety and paranoia, I mention this because it is important later, also sorry for the layout I'm on a phone.
About 2 and a half years ago I started college where I met my ex best friend and my ex bf, when I started I dated a guy in my class for about a month then he broke up with me and I didn't think much of it, a month later was when I started dating my ex bf and things where going really well, we did everything was going really well and I quickly fell in love with this guy, we spent alot of time together and took me on romantic dates and I thought he was perfect.
My best friend, we also dud everything together, had lots of sleep overs, I organised birthday party's for her with things she loved doing ect, we even went to Italy together on holiday and she dated the first guy I mentioned that left me after a month.
Half way through our relationship my bf told me that he felt he shouldn't say this but wanted me to know that the other guy I dated had actually left me because he liked my best friend and because I have paranoia and anxiety I ended up getting worried that my bf would do the same so I asked him if he liked her, which he responded with only as a friend and I trusted them to not do anything. Which was a mistake.
Beginning on November last year, my bf out of the blue breaks up with me, which crushes me because a few weeks later would have been our anniversary and I had bought promise rings for us, I told my best friend while crying and she said she was sorry. Then I started to notice that my beat friend was starting to stop talking to me and that's when it clicked that my bf had also left me for her which was confirmed when I was invited to a party for new years, but it wasn't them that told me, it was one of my other friends who told me with my ex best friend in the room refusing to look at me. I was hurt and I said that I felt like I was stabbed in the back and betrayed because it was the second time and my friend got pissed off with me. That night I couldn't sleep because I was soo upset and the loneliness triggered my depression and I ended up cutting myself, I realised that I shouldn't have done that since I was at a friend's house but I wasn't thinking straight. Luckily it wasn't to bad but I still have scars. The next morning I broke down again because I was still very down and eventually got my dad to pick me up and take me home. After I got home was when I started getting messages telling me how I was in the wrong and how my ex best friend has done nothing wrong and that I was over reacting. I now have lost all my friends who I thought I could trust. Am I in the wrong? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
nZYbCqX4xAJ24CLhaJzPZJKev3ipRbwZ | afcznz | {
"description": "not going with my parents to buy furniture",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not going with my parents to buy furniture? | I was just asked by my parents to go with them to Ikea. They wanted to return a piece of furniture and buy some other things. This trip would take a couple hours, and I would’ve agreed if they had asked ahead of time. Instead, they asked me right as they were getting ready to leave.
I was tired, as I had gotten 4 hours of sleep last night, and I didn’t want to go because they were asking for a pretty decent sized chunk of my time out of the blue. When I expressed that, they got mad and started to yell and mock that I “required an appointment” to help them. Keep in mind, it’s a Saturday and I’m not doing much, but I do have some things I want to work on tonight. I get that they wanted my help because the furniture is not light, but I feel that it’s disrespectful to just ask for this without prior notice. They had known for a few days that they were going to make this trip today. I’m not even asking for 24 hours notice. If they had asked me last night, I would’ve said yes and had no issues with it. If they had asked this morning and explained why they needed me to come, I would’ve said yes. Slightly begrudgingly (because of the lack of sleep), but at least I would’ve been able to expect the trip I’d have to make.
We’ve had this argument many times in the past and it greatly annoys me that it still happens. It wouldn’t be hard for them to let me know ahead of time when they want to involve me in something. Especially something that they themselves knew about. They think it’s silly that I would want advanced notice. I ended up bringing some of the furniture downstairs so it could be loaded into the car. They left without me, and they’re fuming for their reasons, and I’m unhappy with them for my own. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
dIlAni3O6GlzZWybHAm44jeT3zR15Wia | a7puvz | {
"description": "wanting my friend to show they like being around me",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting my friend to show they like being around me? | I'm a 19yo (M) I have a friend who is 19yo (F), we have known each other since 5th grade, so like 7 years, and ever since then we spend almost every day at one or the others house hanging out. For the longest time I was the only friend she spent time with outside of school, until about 11th grade then both of us started hanging out with another group of friends, but since we graduated last year neither of us spends time with that group beside the occasional text message to keep up, with what they are doing. For stuff like going out to get drinks, shopping, road trips, family events, ect, we do all that together.
But she started to tell me all the time that we are not friends and that she doesn't like me, most of the time when she says this she is mad at me for something so I don't take it to heart. But I can recall a few times her saying stuff like that when we was laughing and having a good time, and tbh it ruined the whole day each time she did it. The main 2 events in my mind atm are, 1st. we was laying on her bed watching YouTube on my phone, it was one of those dumb challenge videos and it said something like "this one you can try with your friends!" so I said "we could try that" She then says "we are not friends tho, I don't even like you" then said it again in a serious voice sounding kinda mad. She then got up and walked out the room, then came back a few mins later looking upset just sit on the bed watching TV not talking. The 2nd event, we was at my aunts farm feeding animals and just walking around talking, she jumps on my back for a piggy back ride and tells me to run to the house laughing and having fun. We get to the porch, she gets off my back, and all of sudden out of no where she says "I don't like you" in that same mad voice then refused to talk to me for like 2 hours.
The time at my aunts happened on Dec 8th, I decided to talk to her about it on the 9th and tell her it kinda hurts my feelings. She got upset and said I was being an asshole for making her out to be a bitch for speaking her mind. I then told her "we been close friends since 5th grade and if she doesn't like me why does she spend so much time with me" and she said because she thinks i'm "nice and fun to be around".
Now I'm just hella confused about if she even wants me around and it is kinda awkward the few times I been around her since then. I have been pulling away and not spending every day with her, this has led to her blowing up my phone every day asking me to come do something. Some of the times I made up and excuses to stay home but the few times I went she is acting extra nice to me. I'm just really confused about the whole thing, is it normal for friends to say shit like this to each other? Am I the asshole for calling her out for this?
​
​
​ | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 4,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
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} | RIGHT |
Hgzrmr0FMipc2M4XmNj3365dB1HNznD6 | aq9gkv | {
"description": "canceling plans for a special date the day before",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for canceling plans for a special date the day before? | I’ve been seeing and chatting with a guy for about 3 weeks now. From the get-go, I made it clear that I wasn’t looking for anything serious nor was I ready to jump into a relationship, especially seeing I just got out of a really awful relationship 2 months ago. I tried to explain to him as explicitly as possible that I’m still hurt from my previous relationship and trying to heal and that jumping into a relationship prematurely would just hurt us both in the end. He seemed understanding and agreed.
We went on a first date and it was amazing. Like, right-out-of-a-romantic-comedy amazing. I was smitten and I could tell he was too. However, I live 2 hours away from him and can only see him every once in a while when I visit my best friend who lives in the same town. Initially, I thought this was great because I love my own space and the distance would certainly assure me that. For the following 3 or 4 days I was head-over-heels for him. Could not stop thinking about him, smiling, and replaying our first date over and over again in my head. We texted the following days and things escalated pretty quickly. He began to mention more and more frequently how much he liked me, how he’s never found a guy like me before, and how handsome and special I am. Of course, I was flattered and said that I felt the same way.
I got lucky and was able to see him again in the same week. It was my friends birthday, so I was able to sneak off and see him for a few minutes while she was finishing up at work. This time, things just felt different. It’s like all my feelings for him were slowly starting to fade. I truly couldn’t understand why; he was such a sweet guy, really passionate, and truly cared and respected me. Regardless, when I met up with him the second time there wasn’t the same spark as before.
I should’ve listened to my gut, but I took my apprehensions as nervousness and anxiousness for the possibility of meeting a new guy. After our second date, he became more clingy and ever more mushy. He began telling me about “dreams” he’d have of us in which he confessed his love for me, would tell me he was thinking about surprising me by renting a zip car and showing up at my house unexpectedly, write songs about me/us, and would constantly say how afraid he was of losing me. On top of this, he’d get very upset if I didn’t text him back immediately. For someone who needs A LOT of personal space, I found this to be suffocating, especially for a relationship so new and casual. From this point on, it was clear that I had lost interest. I told him again that I wasn’t looking for anything serious and, again, he seemed to understand completely.
Fast-forward to today: I am going to visit my friend again and I told him that’d I’d be around. I truly wanted to see him and ran either a drink or a cup of coffee. I was visiting town primarily for my friend, so I didn’t want to blow her off the whole time for him. He then asked if I’d be willing to go out with him to a bar for a special Valentine’s Day party. I agreed thinking it’d be fun and casual. We chatted on the phone a few days later and he told me he planned on dressing up in a suit and tie, buying me flowers and introducing me to more of his friends at the bar. I was surprised and a little uncomfortable about how formal the date sounded, but I told him that it sounded nice and that I was excited to not hurt his feelings. When the phone call ended, I thought about it more and realized that I really didn’t want to go on the date. I texted him AGAIN stating that I wasn’t looking for anything serious and asked him where he saw the two of us going.
I had another phone call with him after sending these texts and explained that I just wasn’t ready for something so serious. I just graduated college, am living at home with my parents and interviewing for jobs all over the place so I told him that I wasn’t in the position to dive into something so serious. He understood and I could tell in his voice he was disappointed. He told me he really wanted to be in a relationship with me and that it didn’t have to be exclusive.
Tomorrow is the date and I really don’t want to go. When I told him I’d like to meet up, I pictured meeting up for an hour or two for drinks or a coffee. Something casual with no flowers or fancy attire. I told him that I couldn’t go and made up a lame excuse. I then said I’d be more than happy to meet up for coffee while I’m in town. Am I the asshole for rejecting a really sweet guy’s date? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
SxlIJW4LnkdHsszvYAjtiik67WoDASYA | alzjlr | {
"description": "ruining my roommate's party",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for ruining my roommate's party? | This happened a while ago, but it's been weighing on my conscience ever since. Sorry it's a little long.
Since September, I've shared a student apartment on campus with 3 randomly assigned roommates, all girls my age (18-20). Two of my roommates are really quiet and basically unnoticeable most of the time, but one of them, Emma, is extremely extroverted. She has 2-4 friends over to our place 3-5 nights a week, usually after 8pm. They get pretty loud sometimes and our walls are super thin. I've never brought it up, though, because Emma and I get along well enough and I don't want to add any negativity to our relationship. I don't want to be seen as the buzzkill roommate. And it's usually not too bad, anyway - the friends are usually gone by the time I go to bed. It's a little annoying but I can live with it.
Late in November, Emma sent a message to our group chat asking if it would be okay for her to host a Christmas party at our apartment in early December. The other two roommates were planning to be out of town that week, so the party was no problem for them. But I was really hesitant to agree, since December is final exam season. I ended up not responding to the message at all, partly due to indecision, partly because I just forgot about it.
A few days later, I got a Facebook notification. I'd been invited to an event by Emma. It was her Christmas party, which was now set to take place on December 10th. I checked my calendar, and... yup, I had an exam on the morning of December 11th. I started freaking out a little bit and figured I needed to ask Emma to change the date.
Luckily, Emma sent another notification later that same day. She had emailed our RA asking for the party contract (since we live in student housing, we have to sign a contract before hosting any events with 10+ attendees) . The RA had rejected her request, because parties are not allowed during exam season. Emma asked if anyone living off-campus would be willing to host the party at their place, and if not then they could hit up a bar or restaurant instead of having a party. Needless to say, I was relieved, and assumed the party would NOT take place at our apartment.
On the morning of December 10th, I bumped into Emma while packing up to go to the library to study. She said, "Hey, are you going to be home tonight? It's the party!" I was alarmed but played it cool, laughing and saying no thanks, I have an exam first thing tomorrow morning. She told me good luck and then I left, panicking a little. I immediately regretted not telling Emma my concerns about the party, but I assumed it wouldn't be loud or run too late. I had just told her about my exam, so I figured she'd be considerate enough to adjust her plans accordingly
I stayed at the library all day. I got home at 9:45pm, thinking the party was probably over by now. But as soon as I opened the door, I was hit with a blast of music and drunken laughter. I could see 20+ people in the kitchen. I quickly ducked into my room and tried to study for a little while, but the noise was too much. People were standing right outside my door and laughing. Emma's room is right next to mine, and I could hear a couple making out inside of it.
I called the RA's emergency phone number. I told her that there was a loud party in my unit and that I wanted it to get shut down. The RA came over at around 10:45pm and upon being let into the apartment, yelled at everyone to leave immediately. I was still hiding in my room, but I could hear Emma protesting, getting upset, saying that everyone would leave in 15 minutes, etc. The RA wouldn't budge, and wouldn't leave our place until all the partygoers had cleared out and our apartment was dead silent.
A few days later, Emma told me what had happened to her party. I tried to get out of the conversation, but when I couldn't, I feigned obliviousness and sympathy. I reacted to her story with "oh no" "that sucks" "wow, it sounds like it was a fun party" etc., not saying too much and also not owning up to the fact that I had made the complaint. I was too scared and didn't want to ruin our friendship.
So... I'm pretty sure Emma is an asshole for breaking the rules and throwing a party, but was I an asshole for never being upfront with her? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
ZW9KlKWqjJdDW5qsHQsDlJJ1ldNqsU77 | aeyht3 | {
"description": "leaving trash in a movie theater",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for leaving trash in a movie theater? | This is a hypothetical question based on an experience I recently had. If that is not allowed mods feel free to delete my post.
I love watching movies, however I’m a very cheap and frugal person so I rarely go because I think they are too expensive. My fiancé loves to go to the movies and get a big popcorn and icee. Every once in a while she’ll talk me into going to see a movie and of course we end up getting a big thing of popcorn and an icee.
We always clean up after ourselves. I take my trash and throw it away because I have had plenty of shitty jobs. So I know it’s no fun to clean especially for minimum wage high school students who are working on a Friday or Saturday night. However this one time I almost intentionally left all my trash (I did not because my fiancé wouldn’t let me)
We were seeing a marvel movie so of course we had to wait and watch all of the after credits scenes. As the credits were getting closer to being over the cleaning crew came in to wait for everyone to shuffle out of the theater. One of the employees started to yell “movies over everyone leave so we can start cleaning your trash.” This was while the credits were still rolling. People started to get up and leave and she said “make sure you get all your trash we don’t want to have to clean up after you either.” As she said that I was like hell no. I had my large (empty) popcorn and cup. I started to turn around to put the trash down when my fiancé grabbed me and said “no no no let’s just go.” I feel like I had every right to be passive aggressive and leave my trash there.
So am I the asshole here? I feel like she’s not wrong but she’s way out of line to be yelling at customers and if a manager had seen that they would have been pissed. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
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} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
LAJDQesd3lkjL2JJHojDYsrPelFIz9Kj | a202gr | {
"description": "asking my wife if she's hiding something",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for asking my wife if she's hiding something? | My wife and I have a pretty solid routine, and I think a really good relationship. We've never had any fights, nobody has cheated, etc. We've known each other about 8 years, been together for 5, married for 2. We have an 11mo old daughter.
Tonight, we're doing the same thing we do every night, unwind on the couch in front of Netflix while the baby gets tired enough to put to bed.
Tonight, though, my wife gets frustrated with the baby, puts her on the ground and goes off to another room. I pick the baby up. After about a half hour, she's asleep in my arms, and I take her upstairs and put her to bed in her crib.
I come back downstairs and go to use the toilet, walking through the dining room, where our computer is. When I open the door, my wife, who is sitting in the dark in front of the laptop with a show playing louder than usual, quickly hides her phone against her chest and looks up at me.
All of this is unusual. She never hides her phone, never hangs out in the dark watching a show by herself.
I ask her if she's okay. She says yes, and has slid the phone down below the table.
I go on to use the toilet and then go back through the room out to the living room, but I can't shake what happened. It's bothering me and I can't shake it.
So I go back into the computer room - I am aware that I'm trying not to be heard, though not proud of it - and I'm not heard. I open the door. The phone immediately goes down again, and she closes a window that's in the upper-left of the laptop screen.
I don't know what to say, and make like I needed to go back to the toilet. I didn't stay in there long, though. I came back out and asked her again if she was sure she's okay. She says she is.
So I told her - I've never seen her hide her phone like that, and asked her if she was hiding something. I want to think Xmas shopping, but I've been burned before, so there's a part of me that thinks its not Xmas shopping.
She says she wasn't hiding anything, and do I want to look at her phone? I say no, I don't, and that I'm sorry, I didn't think she was doing anything wrong. Then she says, defensively, that yes, I did think she was doing something wrong, and I said I was sorry again, that she just didn't usually act like this.
She went upstairs to bed. That was probably two hours ago.
I don't know if I'm going to sleep at all tonight. She's my best friend, and has never given me any reason to think she might be cheating, so I'm sure this is just me overreacting, but fuck, she was hiding something.
Am I the asshole? What do I do now? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
wL39K5ej1ryJzBfFVT0m6EmWaBY2hlVk | b2z85y | {
"description": "me not wanting to be with my girlfriend now she's being promoted to a new position",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for me (M19) not wanting to be with my girlfriend (F29) now she's being promoted to a new position? | To start things off we have been together just under a year and it is in the last few weeks I have started to feel like we live very different lives due to our age (previously it has been great). We work in a very similar environment, not in the exact same office but in a close building and we are known as a great couple. She has just been told soon she will be offered up as an associate director and all that gives me is dread as I feel I am still young and do just want to enjoy these years. I have been thinking about ending things but struggle to do so because she has done nothing wrong whatsoever. So really am I the asshole for wanting to split now she's being promoted? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 3
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
zrFxh0zBDn8aXe416QNeZ0zDJKcie6R8 | b670d9 | {
"description": "being upset that my best friend decided to cancel",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being upset that My best friend decided to cancel? | We are both girls and my friend who I’ll call L can never really hangout and I don’t blame her. When we do it’s fun and what not. But two weeks ago she was telling me her mom wanted her out of the house the whole day two weeks from now on Wednesday. So we make a group chat with other friends and we all are excited to go. My best friend is like the glue really. She is friendlier with the other friends going. She even picked the place we were going. So Tuesday night comes and she texts that she might not be able to go. And then nothing. It’s Wednesday morning and she still hasn’t replied. We all decide to wait more and then stop by her house. We wait an hour and she texts not to get her and that she can’t go. I’m upset because now I don’t want to go and I’m afraid of it being awkward and.
My mom says she’s TA for forcing us to go out and canceling
I think I’d be TA if I told her something bc I know it’s not her fault (her mom said no)
Is she TA for bailing?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
LC4JOFKCfbtkM3yURlITwr1dZqJGufJS | ba7kv7 | {
"description": "outing a coworker who was arrested for a crime",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA for outing a coworker who was arrested for a crime? | I want to make it clear, please do not comment encouraging violence toward anyone. I just want a judgment on if I'd be TA or not...
A few days ago, I was told a coworker of mine was arrested. I heard nothing more until later that night when I was told US Marshals called saying that he wouldn't be in to work for at least a few days. This coworker and I were friendly, so I was concerned, but I kept to myself about it and hoped I'd get answers soon.
His keys were returned by a friend of his yesterday, and we weren't giving any more info about his situation. Basically, now we have a coworker who was arrested, the crime was bad enough to get US Marshals involved, and he quit. I got very concerned.
I decided to look up his name and saw a case titled US v. [Coworker]. Ended up paying money to get the documents off of a court document website or whatever the heck it's called. Turns out he has three charges against him and they are pretty serious to say the least. I can't post specifics because I wanna avoid violent rhetoric in the comments and I wanna avoid breaking sub rules. I read every page of every document I could get my hands on about this case. It is disgusting and made me wanna puke, to say the least. I could care less what happens to him, and I'll leave my thoughts about him at that.
Basically, I wanna know if I'd be TA for telling my coworkers about the crimes he committed. Everyone but one of us knows he was arrested, and I've only told two managers what I found (I'm not a manager). I don't even know why I'm on the fence about it. Could be me just thinking about covering my ass legally? I don't know. But what he did makes me so sick and I think people that do what he did should be outed.
TL;DR - A coworker of mine committed a very serious, disgusting crime and I wanna know if I'd be TA if I outed him and what he did to my coworkers. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
lahhWQFrDKGE7WPgLhvl2YtBVxznm1qw | b4gc7y | {
"description": "getting a tattoo knowing my bf doesn't like tattoos",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I got a tattoo knowing my bf doesn't like tattoos? | Little background: me (25F) and him (29M) have been together for about five and a half years, living together for two years, we're generally doing great and we love eachother very much. So this isn't a huge issue, just something that came up yesterday and has been on my mind since.
I've been entertaining the thought of getting my first tattoo for a few years now. He knows I was. I never acted on it because I figured what if I regret it later?
But the desire to get this one specific tattoo done (nothing outrageous, just a religiously inspired line plus maybe a small symbol) hasn't gone away and recently I decided I want to actually visit a tattoo parlor and start setting things in motion.
I mentioned this to bf and he responded that he doesn't see the attraction of it. At all. I was a little taken aback and asked him if he'd dislike it if I got a tattoo. He basically said yes he would, but then he followed it up by saying if this is what I really want, I should go through with it anyway.
So - if I do go through with it, WIBTA? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 16,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
HKk78jink0UJEfirbZD4zm7nBCNOAHOv | b6kgm1 | {
"description": "telling a lady she isn't parked in a handicap spot",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For telling a lady she isn't parked in a handicap spot? | I work for a grocery store. My department basically does shopping for customers who order online. We don't deliver, so customers come to pick up their orders in specials marked spots. Now, these spots suffer from a few design problems:
1) They sit right next to the spots for our walk-up pharmacy, so people often park in them for that
2) The row of parking spots next to them is one of the only two with handicap parking (I think 6 in each row) so people looking for a handicap spot will be right next to them when they find all the spots taken
3) Our signs are BLUE and the spots spaced apart with diagonal white lines the way many handicap spots are
Given all this, you can bet that our 6 spots often get people parking there who shouldn't, and while the spots can often be empty for several minutes, they can fill quickly, and some people have stayed in our spots for over an hour, sometimes several at once.
On this particular day, we are a bit short staffed, so I'm the only one running orders out. I've just got done seeing a customer off, when I notice the passenger getting out of the other car, so I decide to go and see if she has an order, so I can get her name, conversation goes like this (M-me, L-the lady)
M: Hello, are you here to pick-up an order?
L: No, the handicap spots are full
M: Oh, well, these spots are for picking up orders
L: I know, you people took the handicap spots for this!
(We didn't, someone who'd worked there for a few years before we even started the service told me later that these spots were never handicap)
Now, under some circumstances, I may not have minded. But the next hour we were expecting to be busy, and I was gonna need all my spots, plus the the way she parked blocked a row, so I would only have 4 if she stayed
M: Well, I'm sorry, but these are not handicap spots
L: But I need a handicap spot! (I'm paraphrasing btw)
She grumbles a bit, and I feel a bit guilty, I offer her to stay for a bit if she just pulls up one spot (this way I'd at least have 5) but she just huffed and left
I should note that she did seem to be a some-what older lady, maybe in her 50s to early 60s, so not someone who wouldn't need a close spot. I'm also pretty sure she's done this before, as the car looked familiar once I thought about it later.
Management in my department now takes this more seriously, but at the time I wasn't really sure how to handle the situation
Anyway, AITA for having her move?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
lR6WPIiJ2LiMTD22ha6KRXFBtpsZrgWa | au9kb2 | {
"description": "telling my friend's so that he cheated",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for telling my friend's SO that he cheated? | So a while ago, I heard a rumor that my friend (and college roommate) had cheated on his long-term SO with someone from our HS. I talked to a bunch of my friends who would know more about it, and they all confirmed that this had been going on for over a year. I even talked to the girl who he supposedly cheated with (after getting the ok from her friends), and she confirmed it as well. This all came to a head when one of my friends told me that she had walked in on him with her roommate the other night. I knew the SO from HS, and I felt like she deserved to know (if it changes anything, I knew that he had asked her for an open relationship right before college, and she had said no). I told her everything I knew, and sent screenshots of what other people had told me. AITA here?
​
(this is basically the intro from my post last night, if you want the aftermath, go look there) | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 16,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
WxkkvGLvavJG1S3HVgYFlBCsKsVsPuta | ao141d | {
"description": "wanting my Gf to not have side conversations while on the phone with me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for wanting my Gf to not have side conversations while on the phone with me? | Most of the time when she’s with her friend(s) and I call her, we will be holding a conversation and then she starts having a full blown conversation with her friend next to her.
I don’t mind the fact if it’s little chit chat here and there, but she stops our conversation to talk to her friend. And it lasts longer than some of our conversations. So I expressed my displeasure with the situation.
Sometimes while we’re in the phone one on one I might space out here and there and not hear what she says, and I compared her conversations with her friends with that saying it’s about the same. But she says that she doesn’t think it’s the same at all.
So I’m wondering if I’m the asshole for asking her to not have conversations with her friends while on the phone with me. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
KZhOCs07knabn6GGqUToloURelZkbi22 | b6nzv9 | {
"description": "not babying my mom anymore",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not babying my mom anymore? | I am the oldest child of four and I am fed up with babying my mother. My mother is a single mother and has had truly a rough time in her life, but was impatient with us (her kids) growing up because she worked multiple jobs and was exhausted, short-tempered, and could be downright cruel when pushed (ie. corporal punishment for any spectrum of acting out). Because she worked so much, I became a pseudo-guardian to my younger siblings and a pseudo-partner to my mother. I never complained or spoke back, sometimes because she taught me not to, but also because of a looming grief she carries from my younger brother passing away years ago.
Our relationship has gotten better now that I am a mid 20-something and have been a bit removed from the house, but I have given her so much slack all this time. She still tracks my location though I live away, I still rearrange my life when she needs me, I still send money home even though she now has a job that pays much better, I still listen to all her complaints, and give her the feeling like she can still control my life. I have always given her the benefit that she's not just scared something can happen to me, but that she has had to bury her child and fears death striking another.
However, I have developed intense anxiety from her worries being pushed onto me for all these years and have grown very weary of answering to her despite being completely autonomous. She doesn't just give me her opinions, she demands I follow them. There is no discussion with her, no conversation. I am exhausted and find myself lashing out more and more because I feel so suffocated. She doesn't seem to recall the bad times, belittles the responsibility I had to take on with my siblings, doesn't remember hitting me growing up, has never recognized the impact of my brother's death on my or my other siblings, and says I'm being dramatic by claiming I have anxiety.
The latest incident was that she cut my off while I was telling a story to my uncle, and I snapped a bit, telling her to stop cutting me off and speaking for me. She was so insulted she cried, said I was venomous and malicious, and refused to come out for dinner despite it being my uncle's birthday. Eventually, I went up to her and apologized for upsetting her in hopes she would rejoin the family. My mother's response was to victimized herself, bringing up her hardships and she's doing her best, that she's under so much pressure from my absent father, and of course, that I can't imagine what she goes through on a daily basis.
I'm exhausted, but I don't want to be mean. I've tried setting boundaries, but she takes them as insults. I am snapping back at her more and more. Am I being dramatic? Am I being an asshole and not respecting her? Do I just suck it up and put up with her? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
p4qhBShnkBSmlqxin3g2JWSpOo9mf6Us | av1kv9 | {
"description": "not unfollowing a female friend of mine on Instagram",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for not unfollowing a female friend of mine on Instagram? | Throwaway, because some of my friends know my main account.
​
My girlfriend is currently mad at me and not picking up her phone, so I decided to make a post on here, just to check if I am morally justified in my actions.
Here´s what happened:
We (my girlfriend and I) were just hanging out on our phones, when I opened Instagram and the first thing that popped up was a rather revealing picture of a (previously close, now not so close but still in regular contact) female friend of mine. My girlfriend also follows her, and therefore knows that she often posts pictures like these. An argument ensued, as my gf asked me to unfollow her, because it hurts her that I would follow and "stalk" (I never visit her profile; I only see her pics in my feed) such a "slut". I insisted that following this "slut" was not morally wrong, as she and I were friends, and told my girlfriend that she does not get to command me to unfollow friends of mine because she doesn´t like what they post.
​
At this point I want to clarify that the girl in question has two Instagram accounts, one "main" account, where she has a few thousand followers and posts these revealing pictures, and a second account, which is meant for friends only. I follow her on both accounts.
​
The argument went back and forth for a bit, until my girlfriend had to leave my house a few minutes later. She called me later on and told me that even though the girl on Instagram is a friend of mine, I don´t need to follow her main account; it should be enough for me to follow her "friends-only" account. I replied that I was morally right to follow her on both accounts, as she is my friend and I want to know what´s going on in her life. We fought a little and she ended up hanging up on me. She´s not answering my calls as of right now.
​
I should also mention that I don´t really care about having access to those "slutty" pictures. It´s the principle of the matter (my gf can´t dictate what friends I follow on social media) that´s important to me.
​
So, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
c0Xy7Lu9eF9vqabSRaObRehRzV7r39fP | atn7q0 | null | AITA for not wanted to babysit my colleague's baby? | I am a resident in a medical fellowship, which is extremely demanding on my time and energy, and my resident mates suffer the same exhausting schedule as I do. Two of my resident mates are actually married, and had a baby last year. I was both impressed and a little apprehensive about the fact that they wanted to have a baby during their residencies, but they always seemed confident and comfortable with their decision, so I figured they were well-prepared. Well, fast forward to the last couple of months...
​
They (mainly the mother) has started a weekly to bi-weekly rotation of asking everyone in the residency program to babysit for a night. I have always politely declined, usually because I had other engagements on the nights she asked, but some of the other residents have agreed to help them out. This resulted in them being asked MORE FREQUENTLY to babysit, and has actually made them regret their original decision to help out! I was asked again today to babysit, this time in front of my colleagues, and again politely declined but didn't have a solid reason for not being available. The mother looked a little dejected and didn't really talk to me for the rest of the day, and it made me question:
​
AITA for not being more willing to help babysit my resident mate's baby? I know they are under a lot of stress, and I do consider them to be friends, but I think that they made a poor decision to have a baby at this point in their training and I don't feel that we should have to bear the burden of their choice. I am also afraid that if I agree to babysit once, I will have established a precedent for being a possible babysitter, and honestly I really value the free time I do have! I feel a little guilty admitting all of these feelings I have been internalizing over the last few months, but I would like to be a transparent as possible about the situation.
​
I should also include that their baby is special needs, which complicates the babysitting situation even more. Any feedback is appreciated! | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
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} | RIGHT |
w7GCaDjcKemtzPQXszRELx9nfv4GkYN6 | b1kuhn | {
"description": "not \"supporting\" my bf when he plays basketball",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA because I don't "support" my bf when he plays basketball? | My boyfriend (30) plays basketball. He has games almost every weekend. He complains that all his teammates girlfriends and families come to cheer them on. He says he loves it when someone watches him play, especially me, and that it means a lot to him that I go.
I HAAATE watching sports. I have gone and watched him play a bunch of times, it's always incredibly boring to me, I cant wait for the game to be over and I usually get sick from sitting in the cold gym, no matter what I wear. And to be honest, I find it kind of silly that the other girlfriends spend their Saturdays at the game. Id rather do my own sports or meet my friends or do ANYTHING but watch a basketball game.
He is upset I said I don't want to go to his game next weekend because i haven't been in a long time and even though I don't like it, I know how much it means to him and so I should put his feelings ahead of my not wanting to go sometimes. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
olhSGMvWJbOnSfEm6DwIEiiooXkugWMm | atdeox | {
"description": "not apologizing to my friend's boyfriend for sending a picture of my friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | WIBTA if I don’t apologize to my friend’s boyfriend for sending a picture of my friend | I know the title is weird but here it goes. So today my friend asked to borrow my phone so she could text her friend on messenger but he was taking a minute to respond so I took my phone back but when I did I got the stupid idea to send her boyfriend a picture of her (it’s not uncommon for me to send pictures of my friends to their girlfriends/boyfriends all of the love it when I do this) and I get another friend in the shot and he demands to know who this is so I send him two memes( being the genus I am) to avoid the question. Up to here yeah I’m the asshole and I violated my friends trust and there’s no way to get that back but I feel sorry and I want to make it up to her but that’s not why I’m here. I want to know if I would be the asshole for not apologizing to her boyfriend for send her picture. Normally I would say yeah but bf hates me with a burning passion. He on past record said he hopes I choke on my salad, hope that I get run over crossing the street (and ex bf dies when he hits me with the car), wish that he could beat me up every time I touch my friend. Two of those were before they were dating and only fwb.so AITA?
Sorry for bad formatting and it being long | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
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} | RIGHT |
l4zbvkHiK41YjDRknuCyUVEMACTqi33u | anz0xs | {
"description": "trying to avoid my mom",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for trying to avoid my mom | Me and my mom havent had the best relationship over the years. Its gotten a lot better but were still not very close. She usually tries to watch tv with me and I always say no. Its always awkwards when its just me and her. I really want to try but were not that close. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
CH5tTjoqWywjqbbazBTV4TulOG5u4qSH | aoz0rk | {
"description": "wanting to cuff my daughter to her bed",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for wanting to cuff my daughter to her bed? | So my 5 year old daughter sleepwalks.
In an effort to thwart this I suggested to my wife "Why not just get one of those like padded medical cuffs?" And she LOST it. Calling me everything under the sun: asshole, prick, even said it was child abuse.
Now I tried to suggest a few details; nothing that locks, nothing painful, just something that would stop her from being able to walk around at night.
I don't see what the big deal is, but my wife seems to think Im a complete scumbag for wanting to cuff my kid to her bed.
So reddit,am I the asshole here?
P.S. situation wouldnt be permanent, just until i can get her to a sleep doctor for a hopefully better solution. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
dhVPxgaVXvFa6CK9zTzjAjk5ePVrTrWZ | 9wto4z | {
"description": "making excuses to spend time with a very busy someone",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for making excuses to spend time with a very busy someone? | (First off, throwaway because a lot of people here know my reddit)
So, I'm a (male) student at a university in New England, which is pretty well known for its fast pace and constant workload. Towards the beginning of the year, I learned that one of the girls on my floor was in the same Running Club as me (We'd meet and go on runs 3ish times a week for PE credit). I'd always see her at those meetings, but not a lot else because she's super busy, and has just about zero free time.
Flash forward to when she decided she wanted to actually join the Varsity Cross Country program here, and needed to complete a rigorous, several week long training program to do so. When she came back to the Club meeting, she explained she wouldn't be joining them anymore because her runs didn't match up with ours. They said no problem, and she talked to me about it a little bit before she left for that day's run. It was something like 3 miles at a decent pace, but in the late afternoon in a city she wasn't familiar with, but she really didn't care. At that, I offered to go with her, so that way she wasn't running about the city alone. She agreed, and that was the first of many such times that happened. At least twice a week I'd run with her, (typically pretty intense ones) and then help her with any other things she needed to do for the plan, whether that was timing sprints, or being a finish line, etc.
It was an awesome moment when she finally did make the team, though, and now had actual real practices and even less time on her hands than the effectively zero she did before. Which, was disappointing for me, because I really did enjoy spending the time with her, as I really do think she's a wonderful girl.
However, one thing that came out of our running relationship was that I learned she had a printer/scanner in her dorm. This mattered to me, because my math professor has us write our homework on paper, and turn in a scanned pdf of the work. Her scanner meant that I could avoid going all the way to the library to do so.
Now everything comes together and is the genuine place I have to ask if I'm an asshole:
The same week that she was accepted onto the team was out first week of break, and upon returning, we would have no more runs together, but also one of my roommates brought back a scanner/printer from home. I could now just as easily scan the things in our dorm. However, with the fact that her and I no longer ran together, I kept using her scanner as an excuse to go in and talk with her, seeing how things were going, offering support or encouragement when things weren't going well, and celebrating when things were. All of this, I should note, was again because I really enjoy spending time with her, even if its just a couple minutes. But deep down, I feel bad because this little bit of time that I bug her always seems to be her time before showering and turning down for the night. Despite the fact that I always insist I can manage other ways if she's busy, she always makes a little time to help me out.
Given that she doesn't need to... but it'ts my excuse to spend time with her, do you think that makes me an asshole? Am I wasting her time, or adding unnecessary delay to her schedule do you think? Or is it okay in some way? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
gDbMsw2Z6zPsJsTNKCoTMzSY0qRrVix1 | au9bhn | {
"description": "objecting to 'girls day'",
"pronormative_score": 416,
"contranormative_score": 35
} | AITA for objecting to 'girls day'? | I'm a 28 y/o male and in my immediate family I have all women, mostly this is because I was raised by my mother and have no contact with my father's side of the family due to a messy divorce when I was young. My two sisters (early 30s), my three aunts (two who are my mother's sisters and one married in to the family and married my aunt), and they have an assortment of close friends of the family all of which are women that also go to these events.
About 3 years ago, my mother had an idea to do a 'girls only' weekend. Originally this was to see one of the Magic Mike movies, and because it was such a hit they started to do these weekend outings once or twice a month. Originally it didn't bother me, because I'm an adult and I have my own life, and my own house, and I really didn't even think about it. But an incident recently made me annoyed at the whole concept. My aunt's birthday was in January and normally we go to her favorite restaurant for her birthday, which also incidentally is my favorite restaurant. So I bought her a present and a card, and waited for an invitation and none came.
When I asked what was going on for her birthday, I was told they celebrated it early on their girls day because she was going to be out of state during her birthday. This kind of irked me because when I mentioned I bought her a present my mother told me to just drive over to her house and give it to her. I felt pretty left out since I am the only male in my immediately family, having a 'girls day' is the equivalent to saying 'hey let's celebrate my birthday but not invite him'.
I griped about and was told that I was basically being self centered and that she can celebrate her birthday however she wants. I agree with that, but once again, I'm the only one being left out and it feels shitty. The proverbial straw that broke the camel's back was I was just also just informed that they were planning a summer vacation this year as 'girls only' too, and when I asked my mother what about the vacation we normally take as a family, she told me that they can't afford to do both so they are just doing the girls only vacation this year.
At this point I was VERY annoyed and had a loud argument with my mother and sister, telling them that it's really shitty that twice a month they have group activities and specifically exclude me, and on top of that are now even taking vacations and excluding me. Nothing came of the argument and they wouldn't budge, so I decided I needed a break from my immediate family because they don't consider my feelings relevant. So I removed myself from the family group chat and deactivated my Facebook. Now my phone is being blown up and I'm being told that I'm immature and I need to grow up. I responded that a lot of grown people don't see much of their family at all and I'm just going to follow that example.
Am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 28,
"OTHER": 400,
"EVERYBODY": 7,
"NOBODY": 16,
"INFO": 6
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 416,
"WRONG": 35
} | RIGHT |
aM5UpOljw8fCyuJFLsBPGf9jakPk4k6O | a77lx6 | {
"description": "cutting off a friend who ruined my first birthday party",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for cutting off a friend who ruined my first birthday party? | For some context, I grew up in an abusive household where instead of gifts and love for birthdays and Christmas, I got religious sermons and beatings for not being simplistic and humble. I've only recently left that household after 23 years of abuse, and am now on my own.
So. My birthday was two days ago (December 15th) and a few months ago, a friend ive had for two years up and asks me what i want to do for my first birthday party. She knew what was going on in my house, because she and I got very close during that time and I felt that she was trustworthy. So I tell her that I just would like to have a nice dinner with her and my other friend, since I don't have many friends.
No presents, no flashy decorations, nothing. I just wanted their company and a night out to hang. She tells me that she is absolutely going. I confirm with her a month later, the week before and the day before, because her work tends to call her in at crazy times, but she assured me she took the day off. My other friend, however, could not make it suddenly, because she had a death in the family. Of course I understood and told her that ill be thinking of her and her family.
Now the day comes and I get to the restaurant first and get to the table. I text my friend to tell her that I arrived and will wait for her. 15 minutes go by and I get a text saying that her work called her in and she is absolutely needed and she is so sorry. I tell her I understand and I hope that work goes well. Then I get up from the table, cancel it and go home.
I get home and I cry. I cried bitter tears. Then I picked myself up because I told myself that I was an adult and these things happen all the time, and there's no reason to cry.
Queue yesterday.
I decide to go on instagram for the first time in forever and guess who I see? My friend and her boyfriend with a group of people at a nightclub downtown. Time stamped for around the time I was sitting alone at the restaurant.
My heart sank and I cried again. I never asked for anything but her company and she not only ditches me, but she lies to me in the process.
I just left a comment on the photo saying "I hope it was fun." And she has been trying to call me all day since then. I don't want to have anything to do with her right now...
Did I do something wrong? Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 19,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 19,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ihNfZbwEOwM6syAZsolhxwDwjDaV3vnE | arcmd1 | {
"description": "not wanting to date someone because they are allergic to dogs",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting to date someone because they are allergic to dogs? | So I have a first date in a few hours. We have been chatting via text for a few days but have not met in person. I texted her today to confirm our date details, we are going to a cool little bar/restaurant that just so happens to be dog friendly. That’s when she drops the, “I know it’s dog friendly but FYI I’m allergic to dogs.” I ask her how allergic and she says she gets asthma from them. She said she plans to visit an allergist and get an inhaler so that she can be amongst the dogs. So I obviously have a dog and live in an apartment. I train my dog really well because I don’t believe in kennels. So he is really well behaved, but they has free reign of the apartment. We also cuddle together every night in my bed. One of my favorite things to do after work during the week is go to the dog park.
So, I plan on still going on the date with her just because I don’t wanna just cancel and flake on her. But, I don’t think I am going to pursue a relationship any further. Does that make me an asshole?
Bonus question: Should I not even go on the first date with her if I already know that I’m probably not going to go on a second? I just don’t want to cancel on her a few hours before the date. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 9,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
Mn9veeTkauQhIcRW3tA9akOfHQhKdG7S | apjlia | {
"description": "telling my friends me and my other friend feeling excluded",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for telling my friends me and my other friend feeling excluded? | Sorry, this is my first post, so I apologize if the format is weird or what not.
So, my friends are somewhat exclusive, and even though they've told us we can sit at their table, sometimes ignore us. Friend 1, G, Friend 2, K, and Friend 3, M, have known each other for a while, but I (C) have only known them for a year or two.
A couple of weeks ago, M told me she felt left out sometimes when we're at G and K's table, and so I, not being able to keep things to myself, went to tell G and K, because I totally agree with M. The conversation basically went like this:
Me:"Hey, G, K, I need to tell you guys something, and this is because I'm a bitch and can't keep things to myself, not because of you." (Even though it is because of them)
G&K: "Ok, go ahead, C! What is it?"
Me: "M and I sometime's feel a little left out, and I find it kind of selfish that you guys don't make much of an effort to talk to us as we do with you guys, and again, it isn't your fault at all." (It was.)
They were silent for a minute, and then started getting upset at me. G told me that if I didn't have anything nice to say, then don't say it at all. K stayed silent.
Since then, me and K have made up a bit, but G has gone to sitting with people that me and others have told her are bad influences (An ex who has multiple times, threatened and harassed her, and a girl who talks shit about her friends behind their back), just to get away from me.
Am I the asshole, or is G? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
kkDVhivVGHDSWUIUSezdoIgdnZjS3Miz | b77pg0 | {
"description": "abandoning my friend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA for abandoning my friend? | I have two really close friends that recently had some drama. Henceforth FA (friend A) and FB (friend B).
FA had been in a relationship with this Absolute trash human being for around a year. The guy was extremely emotionally manipulative.
The ATHB had said he wanted a break.The Catch: He was a cheater. He would tell this spiel to other girls about how his current gf was cheating on him and he couldn't bring himself to leave her ectect. Bullshit.
So FA eventually found out from the girls he was texting that he was doing this (BTW most of them were her friends) She confronted him, he apologized and guilt tripped her into waiting for him to get his shit together.
FA waited and waited. Eventually she started to realize how full of it this ATHB was. She dumped him officially. No more breaks. Another guy immediately started showing interest in her and ATHB throws a fit about her being unfaithful and doing this to hurt him.Just a manipulative douche. He did things like crying in front of her saying he was depressed and begging for her to forgive him.
The whole time this was going on FA had been venting to me and FB. After FA official dumps ATHB he follows her around like a kicked puppy trying to guilt trip her.FB then explains to me that ATHB has been talking to her and she's starting to catch feelings. I immediately shut her down and let her know that is a very bad idea. FA's wounds are still extremely fresh and ATHB is a douche.
So FB “takes my advice”, but I noticed her getting extremely close with ATHB. So now FB was following ATHB around like his kicked puppy.
I bring this up to FB and ask what's going on. She tells me that she has been friends with ATHB for a long time. She sympathizes with him because she knows his side of FA and ATHB's break up. Also FA is starting to see another guy. FB makes the argument that FA must be over ATHB so its okay for FB to date him. This is a bad idea.
Everyone knows what happened between FA and ATHB. FB is going to look extremely bad in front of her peers for some douche that will treat her like trash. And it's just a plain douche thing to do, date your best friends ex. That's a big NO.
FB goes behind FA's back and starts dating ATHB. I was one of the last to find out and it really pissed me off. The fact that FB didn't tell me and that she completely ignored my warnings.
FA was very distraught and it was a blow to her already fragile self worth. She was insecure that maybe SHE was the problem. If her best friend chose her ex over her, was her ex really the bad guy?
It was really painful to watch and made me more angry at FB. The relationship between FB and ATHB lasted a week before she realized that what everyone had been telling her was right.
FA and FB haven't spoken in weeks and FA recently gave me an ultimatum between them. I don't feel like I can trust FB anymore. I want to just cut her off.
Would I be the asshole for abandoning my friend who broke girl code? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
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