id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
oPqe6dXFHPh6FGSA11xWMEfMm5JgERsd | a3ul0g | {
"description": "being annoyed when someone says the are \"Bisexual\" but never dated with the same sex",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 23
} | AITA for being annoyed when someone says the are "Bisexual" but never dated with the same sex? | Basically I know several people who say the are "bisexual" but never dated the same sex and it annoys me to no end, because why not just say you are straight or lesbian. It just feels like you want to feel "special" or not considered "ordinary" or some bullshit like that.
A girl I know just got out of a 4 year relationship and a few months after their breakup, I jokingly asked "Now that you're single, are you going to hop on tinder and just bounce from pussy to dick,pussy to dick? because that's what I would do, minus the dick part" and she laughed and said "I like the part with the bouncing from dick to dick, but not the pussy part. I don't really find girls attractive and have no interest in having sex with them."
I've known this girl for years and all those years, she has gone on and on about she is apart of the LGBTQ+ because she is bisexual. And I learn she doesn't even find girls attractive? I brought this up with her and she explained, "I find girls attractive, but I'm just not sexually attracted to them" Okay, what the fuck!?!?!
I'm straight and I think people like Ryan Gosling, Ryan Reynolds etc. are attractive, does that make me bisexual? NO! of course not, because that would absurd. And I don't want you thinking I hate bisexuals or something because my brother is bi and has dated both men and women.
I've known a few other people like her, and I'm convinced these people just want to feel "special" and put this label on themselves that isn't really there.
Am I The Asshole for being annoyed by theses types of people? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 23,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 23
} | WRONG |
HHeneBnNxqLW8s632rTStb6jLzHJqXhD | avl46p | {
"description": "being choosy when it comes to models",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for being choosy when it comes to models? (I'm a TFP photographer for context) | A bit of background info, I've been a long term fan of anime and manga and recently got into the cosplay community. I've been kind of a closet photographer in the past, and decided to start a hobby as a cosplay photographer (shooting cosplayers). Cosplay photographers in my local community typically charge $60-80/h shoot and return 10-15 edited photos.
Now, as I'm new, I'm looking to build my portfolio by collaborating in TFW (time-for-work) shoots, which means neither side pays the other. The problem is, when I post in communities that I'm willing to shoot TFW, the models who volunteer are either: (1) not very attractive (2) have low quality costumes or (3) late or don't show up. Whenever I reach out to someone I want to work with, they decline TFW and say they charge $50-100/h, saying it's only fair since I'm new and they've got more experience (and less to gain from a single set of free photos).
Now I'll post that I'm doing TFW, but I have the right to select which models to work with and not everyone who volunteers will get chosen. Recently this cosplayer I rejected has been spreading gossip that I'm only out to shoot "booth babes" and telling everyone to stay away from me. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
tFpvM7tCH5RqCbDUqWTPVrMhGvLHLKz8 | b9p2l4 | {
"description": "having a total mental breakdown and flipping out on my friends",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for having a total mental breakdown and flipping out on my friends? | I (26f) had a car crash 4 years ago and it was pretty bad. Not my fault. Some people drove on the wrong side of the highway and slammed into me, head on. I've always been a bit of a depressive, so the near death experience had a big impact on me beyond all the injuries (superficial, I healed like wolverine thankfully). I remember thinking, huh, maybe I don't actually want to die.
But the more time that passed since then my life has really changes. I just felt less and less like 'myself', started doing stuff out of character (quit my long term job, stopped caring about income, etc) but I didn't put two and two together and link it to my accident. Because my life has been so privileged it never really occurred to me that this trauma may have actually negatively impacted me.
Anyway, along with those changes in my life I also noticed I was getting more irrational and lashing out in anger over things that wouldn't have bothered me before.
So things like, blaming close friends of mine for dumb stuff, isolating myself, becoming unreliable and constantly angry and sad.
I ended up going to my doctor late last year, who recommended I get another brain scan (they did one in the er after my accident but I never had a second one) because she noticed my behaviour and condition seemed worse than usual.
I was diagnosed with a (not life threatening) small aneurysm that I had surgery to fix (modern medicine blows my mind). So now my headaches have gone (I'd thought they were just hormonal) and I'm feeling way better to know that my particularly low rut may have been a product of injury.
I had really gotten bad. Telling friends I wanted to die, blaming them for not being on my side when a guy wouldnt leave me alone,reminded one of them that her husband abused me and i still stuck by her etc. SO i genuinely do not blame them for blocking me and deciding amongst themselves to boot me from the group. Noone has to tolerate such treatment and i know that i am noones responsibility but my own.
Ive apologised via email as I'm blocked by 3 close friends, explaining that I'm pretty sure I was slowly getting worse and worse and am so sorry for my words ans actions. But I got zero response. It's now been 3 months. I can't keep trying Ti apologise. But I also feel so god damn worthless that such close friends can write me off after a mistake.
**TLDR** got in a car crash 4 years ago. Had a mild brain injury diagnosed only a few months ago. Think this is why Mt depression worsened and I became a dick to my friends. Am I a bad person? My heart is broken. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
7SxiBunkqKAA3OpWUwbWMUiPK8XJUbQq | aw5xq3 | {
"description": "calling a Jane Doe, \"whore\" because",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for calling a Jane Doe, "whore" because... | A little bit of information about me: I'm a lesbian 15y/o living in a Nordic country, attending a public school in 9th grade. I'm diagnosed with depression, autism and anxiety. I find it extremely hard to talk verbally, make eye contact, and so the list goes on. (in short: I'm really socially anxious).
​
Now, the incident that ignited (not started) this all was around a month ago: I was walking out from the school building at lunch to go buy an energy drink from the grocery store in the same town. While going around the corner of the building, a group of 4-5 smoking. I recognized only two of them, those being two guys in my class. I didn't even look at their direction, I just kept on walking like usually. When passing by, one of the girls standing there decides to shout out loud "Felicia!"; I ignore them per usual. A second after, I hear a second girl (at least I think it was the 2nd one) shout "Feliciaaaa! Do you wanna fuck me?". Right after that, someone shouts "Pfft, don't answer me then.". Considering those 3 "sentences" was shouted within the span of a couple of seconds, I decide that enough is enough; I turn around and shout "Don't fucking say my name, whore!".
​
I got my drink and took another route to avoid them. I get inside I grab my history book and walk to the hallway where my next class is about to start, which was in about 5 minutes or so. I stand outside the classroom, on my phone. The hallway was a dead-end, classrooms on both ends. Soon enough, I see a group of about 6 walks up to me.
​
They start talking shit to me, insulting me and so on, despite being cornered in and insulted; I keep my calm and my expression remains the same blank one as always and I just desperately keep looking down at my phone for the time, knowing that the door for the classroom we're standing outside is gonna open at precisely 1240. One of the younger guys in the group starts swearing at me in Bosnian (used to know a Bosnian friend), the same guy then tries to kick my feet around to make me trip. I just stand there in the corner and wait for the 2 minutes to pass. Right before the teacher opens the door, one of the guys from my class goes "This fuck isn't gonna say anything huh, man you gotta hit her before she says anything.".
​
The classroom door opens and I find my way out of the corner and just speed walk really quickly into the open area, knowing that there are newly installed cameras supervising those areas. They keep on following me, insulting me in my native language and Bosnian (that one guy kept on doing it for some reason). They continue kicking my feet, legs, trying to shove me around.
​
At the bus stop, my classmate comes up and starts threatening me, insulting me, claiming he's gonna beat me up on Monday unless I do X and Y. I just keep on ignoring him and he finally goes away when the bus arrives, I take the bus and I get home.
​
AITA for shouting back "whore"? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
o2MKxVT0AHhqZROcm2qmbVkfk6UOpT0G | as53o3 | {
"description": "wanting to work and not hang out with my friends",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to work and not hang out with my friends. | So my friends are off playing pool today and Im working a 2pm to 10pm shift. This job is really relaxing and I can practically leave whenever, provided its not busy.
So one friend of mine asked if I wanted to hang out with them and I declined because Ive been more motivated to work and earn money for my goal (10k this year end, its a slow burn).
There was a little regret and I guess a lot of doubt I was going to stay until 10pm from this friend as Im known for leaving early for different reasons. Yes sometimes it was to hang out with them.
I asked my friend if they really wanted me to join them, and they said “up to you”.
So i was like “alright im going to stay.”
By this point i was kind of steaming, a part from feeling like they were mocking my goal and not supporting me. I replied “I just thought youd be more proud about me working more on this. Its not like i wanna be bored out of my mind.”
They stopped replying. And later sent vids of my other friend messing up his shots.
I feel bad but I want to change my job habits and earn money so I can follow my goals.
So AITA? Im here to find out ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
l8l8Ug6KwuuGaGreyorRGYs8y1ydP6ur | axhcke | {
"description": "thinking my best friend needs to grow up",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for thinking my best friend needs to grow up? | So I have been friends with someone for about 6 years and we are really close. But sometimes I feel like I'm not talking to an adult (we are both almost 20).
My friend is on a diet in which one of the few things they can eat a lot of and not worry about the calories is vegetables. But they REFUSE to eat them saying the vegetables taste "gross". They have no allergies to any foods, so they are free to experiment with their food but don't bother to try. Anytime I ask if they want to get a salad with me, they refuse to eat it because it's just "not tasty".
My friend also is very against watching the news. They say it makes them "nervous". Yeah, we live in America. Any news worth reporting half the time can be nerve wracking but I think it is still important to be in touch with the world around us.
Reddit, AITA for thinking my friend is childish?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
tHu3lmZP8RqUYkGqocfBITOwsZwHZ2XB | a3cqqc | {
"description": "whipping out my phone to film angry man following us",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for whipping out my phone to film angry man following us | Hey there, long time lurker, first time poster. :) This is a long read for a relatively minor incident so be warned. :P
​
This is a story from yesterday about a minor road rage in Regina, Saskatchewan that spilled into a Toys’r’us. It isn’t so much the incident itself but an experience I had with an “off-duty police officer” after the encounter that has me writing.
I was involved in a minor road rage incident outside the intersection at the Toy’r’Us on Albert north. Keep in mind the power was out in most of the city yesterday, this intersection included. I was a passenger in a vehicle with my sister and eight year old niece as we were heading through the 3-way intersection where an SUV was turning from the left into our lane at the same we were proceeding through the intersection. We were in the far-right lane, the vehicle turning onto our street tried to merge into the far right lane from his left turn, which would have collided with us but fortunately both vehicles slowed down and we continued through the intersection. The man apparently shrugged his shoulders and put his hands up in the air at my sister in an annoyed manner, but other than that this was by all accounts nothing to write home about.
​
However, my sister quickly realizes the man is now trailing us and following us into the parking lot of the Toys’r’Us. We park and the man drives to the entrance of the store and waits there. We wait inside our vehicle for a minute or so before he decides to park his vehicle. We decide that was our moment to go into the store with my eight year-old niece.
​
We aren’t thirty feet into the store, barely past the turnstiles at the entrance where an angry, raised voice calls out to us “You guys really need to learn how to drive through an intersection”. We turned around, I give the guy an incredulous look and my sister tells him he was in the wrong as he was making a left turn into the far right lane. He's contesting my sister never stopped at the intersection. I walk in-between both of them and told the man it didn’t matter - this wasn’t the place or time for this. I told him to leave. He drops an f-bomb and became increasingly irate. Everyone in the store is looking at us. I told the man he was in a kids store making a scene over some ridiculous road rage. I extended my arm as Im standing about six feet away as if to motion not to come closer to us - That was his cue to extend his arm like a football player and walk towards me as if he motioning he was coming through. I acquiesced and moved aside as he started to move inside the store, continuing to curse and tell us what morons we are. He barely missed making contact with me as he walked past, he would have with his extended arm had I not backed off.
​
As this point I pull out my smart phone and tell the man he’s going to be famous - he’s going to be on youtube. I point my camera at him as if I’m recording and start to ask him questions like his name, if he has something to say to do so, etc. I wasn’t actually recording at this point, I was fumbling with my phone trying to get it to record so I only caught the last 15 seconds of our encounter. Soon as I turned my phone on the man went from the hulk to someone who had just been caught on one of Chris Hansen’s “To catch a predator”. This jerk knew he was about to become a viral hit if he didn’t stop being a cantankerous lout. He instantly shut his mouth and made started walking towards the exit. I kept pace with the man so I could get his face on camera as I was now filming. As he gets to the exit he points at me and shouts to no one in particular “Someone get this guy out of here!” Before giving me the finger and walking out the exit.
​
I thought this was the end of my little ordeal, but this is the part that really stuck in my craw…
​
Not 5 seconds after the road-rage has left the store a woman in her early 40’s walks up to me and says “I saw the whole encounter, I am an off duty police officer and you did not help the situation.” I give her my patented incredulous look and kind of mutter to myself and walk off. I was already pissed off at the Mr. Keeping it real, but this took the cake. This woman with her supercilious, back-seat conflict management has the gall to tell me she would have handled things better… as she sat there as a wallflower and did NOTHING the whole time the guy is cursing at us in front of children over nothing at all. The next 15 to 20 minutes I see her throughout the store with a huge shit-eating grin on her face as she tries her best to avoid an further eye-contact with me…. staring up at toys in the pallets…etc… It was infuriating.
​
What was she waiting for? To see if I passed the conflict-resolution test? To see if Mr.Psycho was going to pull a gun? What was the point of her waiting to tell me this? Why did she not try and stop the psycho as he followed my sister and my 8-year old niece (shopping for her birthday, by the way? If she did in fact see the whole thing, as she claimed, why did she not immediately step in to get this guy away from us? She had at least a minute to step in to demonstrate her superior training. He followed us into the store to yell and curse, not shop. I almost walked up to her to ask her for her name # badge number, and to sarcastically thank her for her help. I stopped myself because you know… police. I don’t want the hassle.
​
Sure, my actions weren’t as passive as they could have been, but I feel like my actions led to him immediately leaving the store like a scared coward, which was intended. I avoid confrontations at basically any cost, especially in public… but once you have my attention… you have my (& my camera’s) attention.
​
What ameliorated my anger towards this officer was that FOUR separate Toys’R’Us employees approached me and asked if I was okay. To be honest when the first gentleman was walking up to us I 100% expected him to ask us to leave the store after the hero cop told me in a loud & curt tone how I screwed things up. This wasn’t the case, they all took their turns apologizing and asking if we were okay. The last one to ask us also told us if the man was still outside waiting somewhere to come to them and they would deal with him.
​
Thank you Toys’R’Us! Thank you for having my back when the backseat “off duty” officer stood by only to reprimand me only once the psycho road rage was gone.
​
P.S. I do have the man’s glorious exit filmed. I will keep it for posterity’s sake. It is only 10 seconds long but it’s a fun watch. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
9h5Cpwp4c04Tm2KyLYkx3Ok69o0Mz8ku | aw3p7k | {
"description": "casting someone out of the group",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for casting someone out of the group? | Dear Reddit,
​
Last semester I joined a clique of boys (I'm a girl). It's a really chill group, except for this one guy.
Since day one, this weeb has had a thing for me. Not that I mind that much, it's a confidence booster.
Everyday when I walk into the auditorium I see his head look for me. The guy barely showers and drinks at least 1 litre of pepsi (not even coca cola, PEASANT) every day.
Recently my friends and I have been actively trying to avoid him. The reason is that he only speaks about anime and manga plus the facts stated above.
In class in he is really loud and annoying and he barely has any social skills.
At this very moment we are lying to him so he doesn't sit with us. Yesterday I lied about eating with friends from high school so I could avoid being alone with him.
I kind of feel bad, but he doesn't seem to understand that nobody really likes him.
​
Are we the assholes here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
brV5bngA3xO1s8ziisBQ8IWtOXJWKvOH | aetsm2 | {
"description": "not wanting to see a friend that is threatening to never speak to me again if I don't hangout with him",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to see a friend that is threatening to never speak to me again if I don’t hangout with him? | There’s a lot I could say about this, but I know this isn’t an advice sub, so I’m going to keep it short. A friend that I used to be close to but haven’t hung out with in two years reconnected with me recently. We’ll call him Alex. I originally distanced myself from Alex because he has some mental health issues that he refuses to get help with. I felt like a therapist, as did two of our other mutual friends at the time. He was completely reliant on other people for his happiness. Personally, I just couldn’t do it anymore, and he would not listen to anybody’s advice.
I was going to give him a second chance after we reconnected (I ran into him at a bar), but later that night, he sent me a long-ass text in which he essentially explained to me how difficult the past two years have been. The things he told me he’s been through since we last spoke, I am honestly astounded that he still refuses therapy. To each their own I guess, but not when it means thrusting your emotional problems onto others. Anyways, somewhere in the middle of this long-ass text, he told me that if we don’t hangout while he’s home from school, he will never speak to me again.
Now, the problem here is that I went to a very small high school, and many of us still see each other. There is no way I’ll be able to get around not seeing him again, unless I plan on turning down invites to future social events that he may be at. His younger brother and my younger brother are friends, too, and often times they all hangout together in a small group. This is where I’m questioning if I’m the asshole. My brother seems to think that if I don’t hangout with Alex, it makes things weird for him as well. While this may be true, there are a lot of other reasons not listed here to help explain why I don’t want to see him, and I don’t feel as though I should have to associate with someone just so that things won’t be ‘weird’ in the future — especially when that person only brings negativity and drama into my life. Him threatening not to speak to me ever again is what really sealed the deal for me. To me, that’s just not something a grown adult should be saying.
What do you guys think? Am I being an asshole by not reaching out to him?
| HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 6,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
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} | RIGHT |
ccBxKXnhn7BYI0vOLciuIaYYSJ1hzXtl | a13psx | null | AITA Had a bad breakup | Me and my girlfriend had been having some trouble lately. We had been together for over a year and a half, and it felt like the last six months we would fight, and get back together just to fight again. We had a bad one recently that I thought was her fault but three days of no talking and I was at the store buying her three dozen roses. Now in a previous fight she had told me to not express my problems with our relationship when she is expressing hers. She was at my apartment doing homework and remembered last time she used the last of my printer paper. She asked me to go to the store to pick her up some. This was late at night and the Target was like a 8 minute drive away. I told her she always asks for favors from me but the other night when my boss threw a 12 hour overnight shift on me last minute, and I asked you to bring me food, you told me you didn't want to drive there just to give me food and leave. Of course she got defensive and started bagging on me for not acting like I was serious and yadda yadda. I have a strong fight reaction so I kinda retorted back and was a jerk admittedly. Anyways I went and got the paper for her and went to bed without talking. In the morning I told her to have a good day at school and she told me she wouldn't. I tried to comfort her but she told me all about how I don't care about her. After some arguing she told me that I make her so upset she wants to kill herself. She has struggled with depression, self harm, and suicide before. At this point our relationship was the last thing on my mind, and talking her off the ledge was. Somehow through it all I told her she was better off without me and that I hurt her too much. I ended up breaking up with her because of this, it was kinda outta the blue, I hadn't planed it. She of course started calling me pathetic and getting really mad. I saw her in person when we did the dreaded exchange of stuff. I really don't want to split with her and I didn't want to break up with her, I just felt I had to because I was making her so sad and upset. I am really bad at making people feel better since high school cause I lost most of my ability to feel apathy and empathy so I can understand that. I just don't know if it was wrong to try to protect her from me. I felt like the abuser in an abusive relationship and no matter how bad it got she wouldn't break up with me. Am I the asshole?
TLDR: I broke up with my girlfriend because I made her depressed and suicidal whenever we fight, which was a lot. I felt it was better for her but she got really upset about it. Not sure if it was the right thing to do. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
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} | RIGHT |
OWHs9Z10R6eVJHyjOLOzVfffoSyIOhfQ | ayj2d3 | {
"description": "presenting my girlfriend and ultimatum after months of trying to reason with her",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For presenting my girlfriend and ultimatum after months of trying to reason with her | So I’ve been with this girl since about October and we have some mutual friends, but she goes to a different school (you wouldn’t know her) and has some friends I hadn’t met. In December I met some of them and immediately there was one (we’ll call him Derek) who I couldn’t stand. He was all around pushy and always made vaguely sexual comments to GF
After a couple weeks he started getting physical and I shut that down real quick. I told him to stop and asked my girlfriend to tell him the same if he didn’t listen. I thought all was well until fast forward to now and I find he never stopped nor did she stop him. It was never much just grouping here or there. She’s always swat him away but never really told him to stop.
Today I told her that I’m done trying diplomacy and told her to choose either me or Derek. She got mad, called me an asshole, and defended him by saying he’s just joking.
It’s been a few hours and I’m starting to feel off about whether I’m in the wrong or not. So reddit, Am I The Asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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} | RIGHT |
ThFPWmVUDlRpsYePjKBGOKpfqM9LkEdu | alzbx9 | {
"description": "ignoring my ex-best friends cry for help",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for ignoring my ex-best friends cry for help? | For some background, this girl and I had been best friends for around two years. We had been through everything together, and were always with each other. I even went to her al-anon and eventually NA meetings with her. We went down the addiction path together, eventually, but I did not try to get clean unlike her. I did everything I could to help her, but she just wouldn't try. Not for herself, not for me, nothing. I understood she had a disadvantage, being her mom, dad, and brother were all also addicts, but I still knew if she did not want to get better she couldn't. At this point, she was addicted to pills, and I drank cough syrup daily (codeine). Both are opioids. I was not trying to get clean, but thought I could get her to.
P.S. I know my post history illustrates that I am young and post pretty frequently. Just got Reddit and going through the few things I have been feeling guilty about. But I am a young addict, just lucky to try and turn myself around early.
Anyway, fast forward about a month. She was still having a very difficult time, but I had turned much around. I really still don't know if I was ever addicted being I did not have a very hard time mentally. Physically, however, it was hell. I changed my living situation and could not get drugs anymore anyway, so it was really a forced withdrawal. My best friend also moved. She was living in Michigan, where we were best friends, then she moved to West Virginia. I was just in a different part of Michigan. While in Virginia, she went from pills to crack. I still tried to help her, but she started to get angry with me and would say very hurtful, personally cutting things to me. Making comments about my weight or sexuality. Even my living situation and past abusive problems. She knew how to hurt me and she did. At that point, I was done and stopped helping her. I no longer encouraged her to get clean, and sometimes even partied with her whenever she came to Michigan. I have since forgiven her for the comments, but I feel bad about supplying for her.
Fast forward another couple months. She moved back to Michigan with her mom, and began actually trying to recover to little success. She also still puts herself in bad situations, like dating a girl who was known to cheat on her partners, and made multiple suicide attempts with her and before their relationship. She asked me for help. She asked for my support and forgiveness, but I know whenever I am with her I feel shitty about myself. I wanted to help her, but I cut my ties with her. She has since had hospital visits, psyche ward stays, etc. AITA for not helping her? | HISTORICAL | {
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Ue4Tr9DCp4g710Kb48XdJnHjqrV2EHCh | atrlpr | {
"description": "not wanting to share my trauma when asking people to not do certain things",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not wanting to share my trauma when asking people to not do certain things? | Okay, mobile, first time poster, etc.
So I live in a VERY funny situation. I live with a "foster" family after escaping my mother, who I will be telling stories about on r/raisedbynarcissists . I've lived here for about six months.
I have asked my foster dad to not make jokes about killing dogs. To make a long story short, I have unresolved PTSD about the murder of my dogs, and those jokes were incredibly triggering.
For months, every time he would make a joke about killing the family dogs, I would ask him not to. Every single time, I would get incredibly triggered. Most of the time I would go to my room and cry.
Earlier this week he, once again, made killing dogs jokes, specifically a 'putting dogs to sleep' joke. When I asked him not to make those jokes, again, he continued his joke with 'the old night-night time'. I had to stop what I was doing [playing mario kart] and go cry for like, an hour.
Later on, he was making jokes about how I have sad eyes. Me, being the angry sad teenager I am, immediately snapped back with, "I wouldn't be so sad if you didn't joke about killing dogs all the time."
He told me to stop being so sensitive, to which, I yelled at him and swore, saying something along the lines of "Do you want to know what I'm so fucking sensistive?" I honestly don't quite remember, being angry makes my memory shoddy. Anyway, I divulged my trauma, and only then did he agree to not make the jokes that trigger me so much. We shook on it
His main line of defence was "I didn't know that." I came very close to continuing to yell at him about how I shouldn't have to divulge my trauma to get people to stop doing things that obviously bother me. I held my tongue, but I'm still pretty fucking pissed I had to go that far.
I feel like an asshole for yelling at him, but on the other hand, I repetedly asked him to stop. Over several months. I don't know. | HISTORICAL | {
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CbwNNbW3E7pkn9Ihx8QTLszLd3zZvSke | b0rs33 | {
"description": "locking my cousin out after he did to me multiple times",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for locking my cousin out after he did to me multiple times? | So I was in China and I lived with my relatives for 2 months while visiting family.
I had this cousin (M, 16) who would pretend to not hear me pounding on the door when I came home (we had one of those chain locking things that meant the door could only be opened from the inside when people were home) for up to 10-15 minutes a time. This happened for about a week or two until I got fed up.
​
I pulled the same trick on him and locked him out for 30 minutes, as I was home early one day.
​
AITA? I feel like the time was too much. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
Rh1XfZLdTb0tHaIFjDD89JJnZYJDwKhy | abyn9r | {
"description": "not wanting to pay for my wife's past education",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | WIBTA for not wanting to pay for my wife’s past education. | When we got married, I had no student loans as I paid them off right away. My wife had about $25k in student loans when got married. At that time, I agreed to pay them off and we did it in about 5 years. We are about 10 years into our marriage and says that her parents paid for half of undergrad education. She would now like to pay her parents back for the other half of the education as her parents as they are apparently still paying it off. She also have 3 other siblings that her parents paid half of their education.
As we both make decent salaries, although I do make more, and I believe that we are allowed to do what we want, to an extent, with the money we earn, WIBTA to ask to have separate bank accounts until she pays off the amount?
We would still have the joint account to split the mortgage, daycare/children items, food, & utilities expenses. The separate accounts would essentially be used at our discretion. My idea would be to have 1 shared credit card for our mutual expense in addition to the bank accounts. If we would like to have an additional credit card, they would be individual accounts. We currently have joint bank accounts/credit cards that I currently maintain. We currently have no debt besides the mortgage and our monthly expenses.
I believe this would be a good resolution as I didn’t agree to this prior to our marriage. WIBTA for suggesting this? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
hHRjwuaW3078tdanVApQGCxhwOtH8XfE | 9u6enk | {
"description": "being frustrated with my friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being frustrated with my friend. | So basically my friend who I've known for a few months invited me to a game of PUBG Mobile on the weekends. We started the game and there were a few issues with voice chat so I had to wait for him until the plane automatically kicked us out. While playing there were a few moments which just made my blood boil like when I asked him for some ammo that he had but didn't need because his gun didn't require that ammo type, yet he insisted that he would need it in the future (The whole game he never used that type) he had one hundred or so bullets and only gave me 10 even though my guns all required it. Near the end of the game, he asked for all of my bandages and said: "its the least you owe me for giving you that ammo". I got really quiet and didn't talk for a bit because I knew if I did I'de get really angry and say something I shouldn't. He also constantly kept bugging me to stop in the middle of a big field where we are easy targets (Nearing the end of the game so the life circle wasn't particularly large) eventually I got so fed up and just let him heal. Only then did I realise he had the maximum amount of health he could have before he couldn't heal anymore and I got really upset with him because we were already being shot by someone, we ended up dying because he kept accidently double tapping the "enter car" button and getting out. He got shot and died and I went out to help him up because I didn't want to seem like a dick and just driving off but I got shot and died. AITA for not wanting to play with him again and being generally frustrated with him now? | HISTORICAL | {
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ZS1LyGptij0gfc0PaGvfNuA0WCFkPjTG | acyphu | {
"description": "pouring hot coffee into the trash at Starbucks when I need more room for cream",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for pouring hot coffee into the trash at Starbucks when I need more room for cream? | I like a lot of cream in my coffee and sometimes I won't have enough room in my cup. I'll tip a little of it into the garbage when this happens. It's usually a pretty small amount but I always worry that I'm making taking out the garbage later into a pain in the ass by a. adding liquid and b. possibly melting the liner. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
UQyeUPVT9z6GMSlKlOXssML8YtbxWeom | akoydr | {
"description": "breaking up with my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend | So, some context, I [26M] met my now ex-girlfriend [25F] about a year ago. I met most of her friends and even her family before we got together. We became close and started dating a couple of months ago. We of course have been intimate in this time.
Now, over the course of this past year, the topic of transgenders has come up numerous times in private conversations between just us and conversations with other people. I’m very tolerant of people’s choices so it’s never been an issue. Fast forward to ~2 weeks ago and we are just hanging out at her place when we start talking about our future (nothing new, and mostly a casual conversation until, well).
We had previously discussed marriage and how many kids we want etc., so when I made a comment about her having my children I was kinda surprised with her response of “well, they’d have to be adopted”. I paused for a second and asked if she is unable to have kids. She got visibly nervous and started choking up a little bit. I started to realize it was a sensitive subject and was ready to comfort her and talk about our options.
It was difficult for her to get out but the gist was: “No, I can’t have kids. I used to be a man.”
I was speechless. I had so many questions but wasn’t able to get a single one out of my mouth. She could tell by my face that I was in utter disbelief. I just told her I need some time to think about this and went home.
So I went home and slept on it. I never considered myself transphobic but now I am going back and forth with myself because I didn’t know if it was transphobic for me not to not want to be with her anymore. I came to the conclusion that I was going to break up with her, and that it is my sexual preference. I know she is effectively a female but I can’t see myself getting past the fact that she is not biologically a female. I always wanted my kids to be *my and my wife’s kids*. Not adopted, and not a surrogate. I’m torn because while I wanted this, I was ready to pursue alternative options because I really love her, but now that I found this out I feel totally different about it.
Two days later she came over for dinner and I was sort of on the fence about breaking up with her (I figured I would do it, but wasn’t sure if that was the time). This being the first time seeing her since I found out, it just felt, different. I knew I had to do it. She got really upset and said she can’t help the way she is. I told her it’s not about her and more about me being unable to move past it. She cried a lot but eventually left, leaving me feeling just absolutely awful. I love her but now I can’t see a future together. I honestly felt a little betrayed to have that secret kept for so long, but also understand why she wouldn’t want to tell me. I’ve been in communication with her and she’s still upset but says she’s not angry because she knows how it can be tough to accept. She insists that over time I will come around, but I just don’t see that happening. Her friends are calling me transphobic, an asshole, inconsiderate, the works. I basically just tune them out because she doesn’t seem to be on the same wavelength as them so it doesn’t matter to me what they think.
So, am I transphobic? Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
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r6845GB9Iig7JjzSjWMe3WdhqeBhx3im | anlcyb | {
"description": "calling out my girlfriends double standards",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for calling out my girlfriends double standards | I've been with my girlfriend for about 4 years now and we've been living together in our house for about 18 months, we lived together for about 6 months or so before buying a house together. Therefore, this is a commmitted relationship.
On to the issue, I'm the tidy type in that I clean-up after myself, I put my things away, I do my best to keep a clean house and do more than my fair share of the house work. Both in the garden and inside the house.
My girlfriend is the messy type, I don't think she does it intentionally, she's just a bit of a scatterbrains but it winds me up none the less. She defintely does less of the chores and in her own way of being untidy creates more work for me to do.
I ask my girlfriend to try and clean-up after herself in various ways, put her clothes in the laundy instead of on the floor, throw away rubbish when she's opened/unpacked something, clean-up her mess in the kitchen, the front room, where ever; I get peeved about her untidyness but it never really turns into a fight. I just try to push in the direction or doing the considerate thing.
On the other hand, If i ever do anything that she doesn't agree with, something as minor as putting the wrong clothing items in the wrong hamper (she likes to keep towels/sheets seperate from clothes) she gets really wound up at me about it, if I highlight how many of her quirks I need to tolerate and how surely she can tolerate some of mine it'll usually turn into a fight where we refuse to apologise or talk to each other for hours, on rare occasions due to work scheduldes even days at a mine.
| HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
IrzbKherL94i0BmNNiR5Aek1whvjDiyw | 9vrwrc | {
"description": "wanting to play video games",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for wanting to play video games? | I (21F) just got into a fight with me (23F) boyfriend because I wanted to keep playing on the ps4. As I am currently in school and had nothing to do yesterday and today Ive been playing this game. I still did 3 loads of laundry, cooked dinner, folded clothes. He screamed at me for being "obsessed" with this game. Granted I have played it all day today but I am incredibly close to getting the platinum trophy for it.
He demanded I stop and go to sleep despite me not being tired and the ps4 being on a different floor from the bedroom. Me playing will not keep him up. I just dont understand how my playing a game is going to negatively effect him.
When I told him that exact thing he just threw his hands in the air and stomped into the bedroom saying "Fine its obviously not MY place"
Ontop of all that I find it incredibly hypocritical considering he does video game streaming for hours and is completely immersed in switch games.
Am an asshole? I feel really guilty for not going to bed when he did. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
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nw3Ei5CSd5mrR11Rs4qdBrktzd5giwLI | awupfg | {
"description": "nagging my bf for having no drive",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for nagging my BF for having no drive? | Hey All,
So back story time. I've been with my boyfriend for about 6 years. I broke off the relationship half way through for a few reasons, main one being that he had no job, no hobbies other than gaming and no intention of doing anything with his life. While we were apart, he seemed to get his act together. He got a job, lost some weight and tried to get me back. He succeeded. He was/is my best friend, I love him and so we got back together. When we got back together, I told myself that I wasn't going to nag anymore, and I would let him live his life, I would live mine and that would be fine.
So 3 years later, we seems to be in a similar situation. He has a job which is great, but we're 25 and I feel it's time for him to get a car and learn to drive. I've been driving him and me everywhere we go the last few years and it's time for us to think about moving out of our parents' homes.
It started more than a year ago when I encouraged him to start driving because he was looking for a job, and since he had very little experience and no college degree, driving might help him out a bit (it helped me get 2 jobs). When he got a job I continued encouraging him, driving would be nice for getting him there on time, and maybe we could meet for lunch sometimes, where it's impossible with me just driving. Now, I want him to drive because i'm sick of driving us everywhere we go. It took him 8 months to get his learners permit, 5 months to do the legal 12 driving lessons and more than 4 months to buy a car (ongoing). He makes excuses whenever I ask if he has made any progress, and other times just straight up ignores me.
I confronted him last night, telling him how I feel, telling him he's wasting time and although I know I can be impatient, I feel like he either doesn't want to do these things, or isn't bothered. He says i am too impatient, I want things done on my own time without considering anyone elses time and I make him out to be a failure at everything and he's sick of it. I tell him I don't think of him as a failure, but I think of him as a non-trier. He responds by telling me I want him to do these things for selfish reasons, I want him to drive so he can drive me places and I want to move out to get away from my family.
The truth is I do want him to drive so he can drive us sometimes, but I also want him to take responsibility for something. I do want to move out to get away from my family, but also so I can see him every day.
My question is, am I too naggy? Am I being a spoiled entitled bitch? I genuinely do want him to do these things for his benefit, but I would be lying if I didn't say I didn't want them for me a little bit too. | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 6,
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} | RIGHT |
FCj9lIZ2BSLjBUxSfA6GuF06LHqLy7ZA | a53wfz | {
"description": "being sexist",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for being sexist? | So I want to give this some context, I [M21] have a girlfriend [F20] and her best friend [F20] who are all really pretty close. Now this friend of my girlfriend's is very open to lots of experiences. For example, her and my girlfriend had a threesome and she also is very hypersexual. Anyways, she decided one day to get her nipples pierced, and she sent me photos of them to show them off, which isnt super weird considering the threesome background.
Anyways, over the weekend my girlfriend and her friend were at their place and my girlfriends brother [M15] was hanging out with them. The girls drank a little bit and the next day I was told by my girlfriend that the brother saw her piercings poking through her shirt and asked about it, to which she responded by flashing her tits to her. My girlfriend didnt seem to think it was a big deal that her own brother saw that, but when I heard about it, I voiced a different opinion.
I told her that it was not ok to flash a 15 year old boy, especially because in my state, the age of consent is 16. Even if he was 16, it would still be weird and not ok to me considering it's her friends little brother. I was not expecting her response, to where she said I was being sexist because guys can show their tits so girls should be allowed to as well. She says equality of rights. I fully support womens rights, but tits on a female are secondary sex organs, but not on a male.
Does this make me sexist? AITA for making a fuss about it, especially considering nobody else is batting an eye? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
0FNiaTBN3CqKz9FRXzScu0jxesj5L3le | ba7ae6 | {
"description": "being mad at an optimist",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For Being Mad At An Optimist? | You ever meet someone who's so nice, so charming, so lovable, just gets a long with everyone, that you yourself are scared to point out a flaw with how they're acting, as it may hurt your status, and make people turn against you? Well as you may have guessed, that's the situation I am in right now.
I was elected president of my class because they knew I'd prepare and execute to the absolute best of my ability. I'd work on any project we had, and try and lead my class to success. I'm not a very loud individual, I definitely lean more towards introverted, while my representative-elect, would be on the exact opposite end of the spectrum, and gain notoriety for their voice. While I, would try and gain it for my actions.
We were clearly explained our job duties by our superiors, they told us exactly what they were supposed to, and what I was supposed to do. As president, it's my job to conduct the meetings, I run it, I'm the one asking the questions, and trying to get the input- and NOT the representative's job.
I worked hard to prep for that meeting, I typed a paper of what I was getting out of it, what we were going to do, the signups, the speech, the times, the roles, everything, it was all tucked into a neat folder. I had convinced people to be our sponsors, and had everything setup for this meeting.
And when the meeting happens, my heart drops. My representative takes my paper and just starts running it as if it were her meeting that she organized, and planned. She looks great, I'll admit, she's a natural leader- on the surface. I did all the work, including the meeting work, I got our input and am now organizing it for the day the event is supposed to happen. Everyone commends her for her work on it, while I'm treated as inferior, despite the fact that I'm president!
I was furious, naturally, that my work didn't get recognition and was instead rewarded to someone else who didn't put it in. I couldn't get on them about it, that'd make the whole situation look a mess (which I worked hard to avoid) if I started arguing at a meeting, plus like I said, that's a risk as I may get people turning on me. I want people to like me, it's important when you have a job like this.
AITA for being mad at them? I really like them a lot, they have an amazing personality and is easy to get a long with, but sometimes when you cross into my territory, I get defensive, and I don't know if I'm overeating in this. I love their input, but it almost feels like they stole from my work from me, I don't know if I am the jerk from this.
TL;DR: Someone who's more extroverted took my work at a meeting, despite the fact that it's my job to conduct them, and I got mad at them for it, but I HAVEN'T TOLD THEM ANYTHING. | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 4,
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TdHngjmJmtPl89vwexUUGL81Vd8xKkCH | azko3u | null | AITA Girlfriends animal poops and smells when she is not home. | My girlfriend has a bearded dragon that poops once every 4 days all over his tank and requires deep cleaning it smells up the whole house. I hate it. The poop disgusts me and I'm not very fond of the animal. I refuse to clean it up because it's not mine and I never wanted one. Today I woke up to the smell of foul shit in our room. I immediately called her home from her d&d session to come clean it. Next week she starts a general manager position at a new job. I can't imagine coming home to a house filled with the stench of shit that hasn't been cleaned for hours. I want to get rid of this animal. We are no longer children and do not require having it. It does nothing at all. It just sits shits, and costs money to maintain. Who is the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 3
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
mcZkwdPuxNU0ifttOrRamPdzWbCdGxya | argsgj | {
"description": "not wanting to be friends with someone who has no other friends",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 18
} | AITA for not wanting to be friends with someone who has no other friends? | So I met this girl in one of my classes and she seems cool, but definitely shy. I've gotten to know her over the past couple semesters and I've noticed that she doesn't appear to have any friends apart from me. She never really goes out except for when we go out and she even told me herself that she doesn't talk to anyone from high school. I feel like this is kind of weird, I mean how do you go through life without any friends unless there's something wrong with you? But maybe there's a reason for it? Idk. AITA for not being sure if I want to be her friend anymore? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 18,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 18
} | WRONG |
AqKfEucRrPuEVXDvcVDurz4bNTPvyJbV | aiogyb | {
"description": "refusing to go grab paper towels when asked",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for refusing to go grab paper towels when asked? | A few days ago, I was hanging out at a table of fellow students (wouldn't exactly call them friends) in our campus atrium. A girl asked me if I'd do her a favor and go grab her some paper towels from the bathroom, because the mens bathroom was about 20ft closer to us than the girl's bathroom. I would have done her the favor, but I saw that she wasn't actually busy with anything, she was just chatting with the other students. I figured that she could just do it herself, and I wasn't gonna go and do her bidding just because she didn't feel like walking the extra 20 feet to the girl's bathroom. I told her to grab the towels herself, and she gave me a dissapointed glare, making me wonder if I was in the wrong.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 3
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
BaZZ0MVxXSBTPjDDH3K4jwzUzfr52VgC | ax07ig | {
"description": "returning and exchanging my boyfriend's Valentine's Day gift to me",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for returning and exchanging my boyfriend’s Valentine’s Day gift to me? | This is something I’ve been thinking about for awhile, and plus I just saw the post that says “AITA for returning my VDay gift to my boyfriend” so I’m inspired I guess.
My bf and I are in an LDR. THIS IS RELEVANT. We are 22M and 21F. I’m still in college, he graduated in December. This was our second Valentine’s Day together, but the first we got to spend in the same city. About a week or two before Valentine’s Day, he was in my town and we were in Walmart buying groceries for weekend meal planning and I saw a dress for like $10 that I thought was super cute. I decided against getting it bc trying it on would’ve took up too much time and money’s tight too so it’s Saul Goodman.
Valentine’s Day comes and bf is here in my apartment and is waiting so patiently for me until I finish classes. I come home and he presents me with a dress from Walmart. Not the same one I saw before. It’s short-sleeved, turquoise, and quite, uh, small. Now I’ve lost some weight and fit into small clothing but this dress easily made me look like I was in a sausage casing. Plus, there was an elastic band in the middle that basically cinched my waist and cut it in half in a very unflattering way (I’m a pear shape). I later learned the dress was 92% polyester, 8% spandex.
I thanked him (duh), tried it on and hung it up. He asked “This is the one you wanted right?” Well like I said, it was not, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings so I said, “I’m not positive , but I’m pretty sure!” A few days later, he had left and I went back to Walmart to choose a new dress or at least get a size up. I ended up choosing a whole new one that was white, long sleeved, a size up and it was so. much. better.
I did tell him I got a new dress bc he called me as I was leaving the Walmart. When I explained that I exchanged the dress, I could kind of hear in his voice that he seemed a bit hurt. I can understand why bc it’s his first time giving a Valentine’s gift and I exchanged it. When I modeled the new one for him later, he loved it on me.
My mom says that as the giftee I can do whatever I please with the gift but she liked the turquoise one better.
Plz help me y’all, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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UxnPMiBhm4INCSfwd7kxIJPLcoZsoPWQ | b76qfm | {
"description": "fighting with my friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for fighting with my friend? | It’s kind of a long story but I had this friend I knew for years. He was my best friend for a while and we went from high school to college together. One day, my friend suddenly kept talking about this hot girl he saw in one of his clubs. Wouldn’t shut up about her. He seemed into her but wouldn’t ask her out because he was too scared of getting a no. Asked me to go with him and talk to her.
We went to his club together and I ended up talking to her. She was friendly and nice. My friend didn’t say much of anything but when we left, he said that he thought he made some progress. Didn’t seem that way, but whatever. After that, while I was walking to class, that same girl walked up to me and said that we should hang out together. I didn’t mind, but wondered what my friend would think, so I asked her if he could join us. She said yes, things seemed fine, but when I told my friend about what happened, he was pissed that she talked to me and not him. I said that he should actually talk to her so she’ll notice him and he was even more pissed off, felt really guilty about that.
After that, we kept hanging out but my friend was still too shy. I tried leaving them alone once, but I guess my friend didn’t say anything to her and she felt awkward. Eventually, she asked me out and I wasn’t sure if I should say yes. But I was starting to like this girl so I went out with her. It went great and we kept dating. I was nervous what my friend would think but thought that he should have spoken up and actually talked to her all those times we were hanging out. Eventually, he found out and he really yelled at me, started to attack me. Told me to get out of the apartment (we were sharing a place at the time). My girlfriend asked me to move in with her when I told her what happened. I really like this girl and things are going great but my best friend isn’t speaking to me and I’m wondering if I’m the asshole for what happened. | HISTORICAL | {
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KhYM7tfYbItAH0qjU6EO8XvBBsofynQP | b39sw8 | {
"description": "cutting contact with a \"friend\"",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for cutting contact with a "friend" | I'm on mobile sorry for formatting.
Repost cuz other was deleted
So I was friends with this person a little bit back, lets call them TF for toxic friend, so, I was good friends with TF for a little bit, he was a cool guy at first, we played games together and he was good at drawing because he would post really amazing drawings of video game characters. I got suspicious after a while as they all had different styles, signituares, etc. One night I searched up "<name of character> drawing" and he had been screenshotting them and reuploading them and claiming they were his, I got fed up and called him out, he yelled at me, I yelled at him and we weren't friends.
Something happened again and were became friends but it was very tense. Eventually he stayed begging me for money to buy stuff and when I said no he tried to guilt me saying stuff like "why does nobody like me" and "I wanna die" and stuff so I blocked him on everything I had him added and was done with it.
So AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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WWl8fTVOHB9zJgtxSHkLHm9gcGjuOkcb | ba5u5t | {
"description": "asking for a refund on my daycare fees",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking for a refund on my daycare fees? | TLDR: Daycare provider cancelled care for personal reasons less than 24 hours after accepting payment for the month. Called out on Facebook for being hostile & “not understanding” after getting upset, apologizing & then requesting a refund.
Our care provider for our youngest son abruptly cancelled care for the entire month of April (and going forward) on the 3rd day of the month. She’s having a mental health crisis & has some other things going on in her personal life. I was upset with her when she told me, but I immediately apologized when she informed me on what was happening with her & have been nothing but cordial & polite since. She found us spotty care for the next 2 weeks, but after that nothing, leaving us with at least a week with no care, and scrambling to find a new daycare after that. (Which is incredibly difficult where we live)
Thursday we asked if she would pay us back for what we paid her for April, less the care she did provide. This is upward of $750 that we can’t afford to throw away. Yesterday she posted a rant on Facebook about how we were hostile & aggressive and don’t support people with mental health issues. I’ve barely spoken to her since the first time & it was definitely not aggressive. She also told my devastated 3 year old that it was my fault she couldn’t take care of him because I was mean. My older son confirmed this.
So AITA for asking to be paid back so I don’t have to sacrifice our savings because I won’t be able to work for a good portion of the month?
| HISTORICAL | {
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} | RIGHT |
uJw6BI4n4YUFEc0VZpHbbMi8F4Wy2TqV | a5n7bw | {
"description": "not communicating something clearly",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not communicating something clearly? | This may seem small compared to some of the doozies I've read on here, but here goes:
I've been seeing this girl, we've been on like three dates and tonight we were going to do a group thing with some of her friends - and up to this point we've been meeting up at locations - But tonight she asked if I would pick her up.
She lives with her folks, which is totally cool with me - she's back in school after working in the nursing field for a bit, so she's got a head on her shoulders. But I'm really not comfortable with meeting her folks yet. Especially since she told me he ran my background and I really don't know how I feel about that.
So we're texting and I ask her "Uh will I be meeting anybody when I pick you up tonight? lol" I'm being strategic as possible with my lol's and smiley emojis to really keep it light.
But she apparently thinks I'm referring to her friends, to which I reply "haha, that's not what I meant."
Between the response time I just suck it up and figure "Well, if I meet the folks, I meet the folks - worse thing it can be is awkward." and I decide I don't want to divulge I was nervous, because I don't want her to feel uncomfortable about anything.
But she keeps pressing "what did you mean?" and I'm responding, playfully "Nuffin" "no, what did you mean" "Nufffiiinnnnn" with smiley emojis and the tongue out smiley and all that shit. I'm really trying to play it off as nothing here, guys.
Well about an hour before we're going to meet up with her friends (and about a half hour before I need to leave to pick her up) she sends "Just forget it. It doesn't seem like you want to go"
At first I ask what gave her that idea -- but then just follow it with a fess up text that I was nervous and didn't want to admit it, but got over my nerves and just didn't want to bring it up.
"Well you should have just said that. Beating around the bush and being coy is no way to communicate. I would have understood if you just told me but you decided to play games."
from there I'm in a state of wtfffuuuhhh? And basically tell her I'm sorry I made her feel that way -- but AITactualA here? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | RIGHT |
5VPhIqRgeULctOMfbghSvR7yBysBlV51 | addo0f | {
"description": "dumping my insecurities about meeting new people on a girl I just started talking to in dms after barely 10 minutes of interaction",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for dumping my insecurities about meeting new people on a girl I just started talking to in DMs after barely 10 minutes of interaction? | A little preface: I followed this individual on Twitter, and she followed me back. We share several mutual followers in the Marvel Cinematic Universe fandom on Twitter. We don't know each other in real life. Yeah, I know, it's kinda ridiculous, no need to tell me that.
Anyways, I decided to try and socialize/reach out to someone who follows me on Twitter for once, so I did so, and everything went swimmingly for about 5 minutes until I brought up how I don't like talking to new people because I'm afraid of coming off as weird, awkward, annoying, etc.
I wasn't being creepy or anything like that. In hindsight, I realize this was a really stupid thing to say, and I should've just let the conversation flow like normally. Anyways, I was basically left on "Seen" about 10 minutes into our actual meeting, and I felt extremely terrible for saying what I said, so then I sent something along the lines of, "Anyways I'd rather talk about something positive. What's your favorite movie?" A (much closer) friend told me after the the fact that the opening line was a bad idea. I agree with that too.
So, after waiting for about 10 more minutes for a response that hopefully would allow me to salvage this conversation and continue on like normal. But all I get is some text at the bottom of the DMs that says,
"You can no longer send Direct Messages to this person."
I check her profile and it says that her tweets aren't available to view for me. So, as luck would have it, I have been blocked after that short, awkward, weird interaction which I blame entirely on myself.
So, am I the asshole in this situation? Thanks in advance. | HISTORICAL | {
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EOrEtk29mADip9KYSHdzcy2UHdb4RMY9 | a6oe87 | {
"description": "wanting to propose to my gf, without a diamond ring",
"pronormative_score": 22,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to propose to my gf, without a diamond ring? | So, we are not made out of money. I do have an awesome job and my girlfriends job pays her bills pretty much (not much opportunity to save). We live in NY, Long Island to be more exact. The cost of living here is crazy, but we somehow make things work. We discussed marriage and actually looked at a possible venue yesterday bc we were always talking about how amazing itd be to have the reception there.
So I told her, I want to get her a diamond, it may not be the biggest carat but silly me had it in my mind that you can ONLY propose with a diamond. Diamonds are a girls best friend, right? I could buy her one but it would basically wipe out my savings (I am saving for a down payment on a house, well we are).
My girlfriend explained to me that a ring symbolizes the love we have for each other but in no way does it have to be a diamond. She would much rather that money be put towards a house, which I agree with. So we went browsing in NYC and she found a BEAUTIFUL ring, not diamond, but moissanite. Personally ive never heard of it but damn it was really nice and she lit up ear to ear! Not only was moissanite affordable, you can hardly tell the difference. Say no more!
I guess why I am here is, my older brother JUST got engaged yesterday. He blew HALF his savings on a $21k (2ct) diamond ring that is beautiful! But I think to myself is holy shit, am I an asshole for not getting my gf a diamond? She made herself clear bc I confided in her about this, she loves me so much and I could propose with a pandora ring and she would still say yes 1000x. It made me happy because this is one of the many things I adore of my girlfriend.
AITA? Why does diamond have to be the industry standard?
Thanks! | HISTORICAL | {
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AUtUGUlBYgS7MYVLNpDQpRuEnnfjHPIh | axb6uh | {
"description": "calling my girlfriend dramatic about a medical thing",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 17
} | AITA for calling my girlfriend dramatic about a medical thing? | My girlfriend got a bunch of yeast infections last year, like one every other month. Every time, she went to the doctor because she "doesn't like monistat." The doctor wasn't even testing her, just giving her a prescription every time, so I wasn't convinced every single time was an actual yeast infection and not just her being paranoid.
Finally she decides to go get a bunch of testing done to find out what is causing these infections (even though only one was a confirmed yeast infection) and they found nothing. She basically spent a bunch of money on useless tests.
She changed up her diet and clothes and doesn't get them much, but still runs to the doctor every time she thinks she has one, literally the day she feels it at all, she'll go to the clinic. I gently pointed out that perhaps she is having an allergic reaction or maybe is just being a little dramatic whenever anything feels a little "off" down there and she got very angry with me and told me never to comment on her health again. All I did was suggest that perhaps she is overreacting or misdiagnosing herself. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 17
} | WRONG |
oJ7rHI3Gdg6n8UaLLzKZH20oaNjKuBtY | aoppd6 | {
"description": "revoking Internet Access to my roomate",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for revoking Internet Access to my Roomate | I'm on mobile, excuz da typos.
So I'm currently renting from my parents and have a couple buddies living with me. Rent is one lump sum, that includes utilities and internet. Honestly it's a good deal that in theory, should benefit everyone.
In short, he is three months behind. He lost his main job, but still had a part time job that pays his Insurance, phone & car payments. He finally found a second job as a waiter and has promised to pay me every day from his tips. The ultimatum I gave was if he falls another month behind, he's out. I've put up my own money thus far and my parents know nothing about this situation.
Since this is an informal agreement, he did not pay a deposit nor do I plan to charge him late fees. However, I've completly ran out of patience. He spends all his time smoking, playing video games, and lounging around. I've also noticed 2 new games, a controller and some other nonessentials.
Seeing that, among other typical lazy roomate complaints. I dont want to kick him out, but I'm done enabling his behavior. So I took his devices off the internet. He is pretty upset about it, and claims to not understand why I would do that, since we have a "plan".
My plan is to give him access back once he gets back to owning me two months and he provides me with a payment plan to pay me back in a timely matter based on his new income. I do plan to have set repercussions if he makes more late payments, just haven't figured that part out yet.
| HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 9,
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} | RIGHT |
2xVSx3xOJZPf67cG3ShtqBbBboAwjPfQ | ajiq12 | {
"description": "\"cutting the line/stealing\" someone's seat",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for “cutting the line/stealing” someone’s seat? | Okay so I’m still a High School student, and today at lunch me (and many others, keep this in mind) ran to the start of the line. Of course, me being the “teachers pet” wouldn’t do it without a reason, which was that I didn’t eat dinner or breakfast yesterday which basically made me feel like I was starving to death. Anyways, as I run up to the person behind me is ranting that me and the person in front of me “cut the line and have to go all the way to the back.” I ignored it and so did he, and after a while he singled me out and started calling me an idiot and an asshole. Of course I was weirded out and felt a bit bad and that maybe I should’ve just went to the back of the line, even though every single person before me and the dude in front of me ran as well. Next, when I sat down next to my friends (which we “claimed” when we walked in) and the same guy behind me in the line starts screaming at me and my friends on how we stole his spot. We did come in a bit late, but we didn’t come in so late that he was there. My friends said they we got here first and that he should mind his own business. He looked like he was about to cry (keep in mind this is a HIGH SCHOOL student close to graduating) and I felt really bad about it. So reddit, I want to ask you, am I the asshole here or no?
EDIT: Hello! Just wanted to say I apologized to the guy and we’re not enemies anymore :P So thank you for letting me know how I was in the wrong here because otherwise I don’t think I would’ve been able to make a friend :) | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
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} | WRONG |
JB6whSO9FW8vufULALNclg1lrsvqgfpx | b5fjj6 | {
"description": "trying to carry out my father's final wishes, over his parents' objections",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for trying to carry out my father's final wishes, over his parents' objections? | For privacy, I am using a throwaway account and obscuring some identifying details.
&#x200B;
My father died a few years ago, in his fifties. He is survived by me (his only child), his ex-wife (my mother), his sister (my aunt), his estranged brother (my uncle), and his parents (my grandparents). This is the story of how my grandparents and I stopped speaking to each other after he died.
&#x200B;
My dad moved away from the deep south to the west coast to become an engineer. My grandparents still live in his childhood home. Grandpa is a retired railroad worker with a pension. (He used to tell me that he got that job when he was young by just showing up and refusing to leave.) Grandma is a homemaker.
&#x200B;
When my dad died, I flew out to take care of his body, his house, his work, and basically everything else, with my mom and step-siblings. My dad had always told me he wanted a Tibetan Sky Burial. But since that was illegal, cremation would do. He was into the "deathling" community and cheap, environmentally friendly treatment of corpses.
&#x200B;
But when I called my grandparents, they told me they wanted me to fly his embalmed corpse to them so that they could bury him in the family plot. I told them that it would be extremely expensive (I had to pay for everything out of pocket), difficult to arrange logistically, and an especially bad idea for my dad's body, which was found about two days after he actually died. Besides, my dad hated the idea of embalming and burying corpses. They begrudgingly agreed, but insisted that I "bring him home". I knew my dad hated that area, but I thought I could give them some of the ashes, then spread the rest someplace he liked.
&#x200B;
Fast forward about a week. I'm at my grandparents' house. They have arranged a Nazarene burial and published an obituary soliciting donations to their church. (My dad was not Nazarene.) I am getting ready to divide the ashes for them, when they start berating me for having him cremated against their wishes and not letting them keep all the ashes. I won't recount everything they said, but they kept asking, "What about us?" and telling me, "We could die soon" and "The heartbreak you're causing will kill us." Eventually, I offered them all the ashes. They refused, saying I had taken him away from them. I just didn't know what to do at that point, so I drove off before sunrise and didn't contact them again. I still have the box of ashes because I just don't know what to do with them at this point. Am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 15,
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} | RIGHT |
QgbRn7c9ffUgPuZycylGYcThtWjbvDl6 | a4m7kv | {
"description": "asking my Ex to pay her share of our son's Health care coverage",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA? I asked my Ex to pay her share of our son’s Health care coverage | So a few weeks ago open enrollment started and my ex and I sat down to talk about coverage for my son. At the time we were going to get him health insurance and no dental. But as i thought about it I was like “it would be stupid to not get him dental insurance.” It’s pretty cheep and with all his mouth issues (he’s 9 and went through a round of braces and now wears a retainer.) the cost of his future bills are going to add up. And god forbid he actually needs work. A filling out of pocket can cost upwards of $400 around here. Plus you need to be on most plans for a year before you get any orthodontist coverage. It just seems like the medically responsible thing to do.
I let her know I was going to in fact get him dental coverage and that she was expected to pay her share 39% or $18 a month. She is railing against it. Trying to say I’m trying to get her to pay for my personal coverage (I’m not) and that he can get insurance next year like we previously discussed.
So I informed her that she was required to either pay her portion or provide her own health insurance as it stated in our child support order and if she doesn’t, I will file for contempt. Now she’s attacking me personally like I’m doing something TO her when I only want her to do her job as a mom. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
pWvrbFRZV1Nmp1Z9OPHnuJNK7moocHWi | a6ydwl | {
"description": "kicking out an autistic kid from my movie theater",
"pronormative_score": 45,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for kicking out an autistic kid from my movie theater? | This one is a little interesting
A little backstory first.
I am a manager (m 19) at a movie theater, in a rougher part of a major Canadian city.
While cleaning a theater to prepare it for the next showing, a 16 year old looking kid came into the theater trying to find his hat. No problem, stuff gets lost all the time, and I know exactly where to look; (stuff almost always finds its way under the seats). The whole time we were looking, he was cussing under his breath, "son of a bitch" "fuck me," to me it seemed a little excessive but i understand people get frustrated when they lose things. I would expect this reaction if someone had lost their phone, but he had only lost his hat. Anyways I find his hat (under the seat), he takes it, says thanks, and goes on his way. The hat was a black hat with a Dos Equis logo on it. After he leaves, I think to myself "wow that interaction was weird," and go on with my day without thinking anything of it.
fast forward about an hour
i was at box office when a guest informed me there was a disturbance by the vending machines. I thank her for informing me and start heading over there. Immediately I see a man throwing punches at another individual. I intervene and tell the man to leave now. He turns around (he appears to be a teenager) and very smugly chuckles and says "oh thats my mom." I say "doesnt matter, you need to leave now." To me it seemed like he thought he could get away with doing whatever he wanted to his mom, judging on his response. regardless, I was going to kick him out no matter what his response was. He requested to leave out of the front doors, which I thought was an odd request considering what had just happened. I said no and escorted him out of the side doors. He kicks the door on the way out.
I go to check up on the mom, she is okay but has tears in her eyes. Behind her is her younger son who was holding onto his eye and crying (he had gotten a black eye from his older brother). I ask if she is okay, she says yes, she says that her son is autistic and is 16 but has the mental capacity of an 8 year old. That explains it. She was completely silent from when i approached the situation, until I asked if she was okay, she had not said anything while I was kicking the kid out. Regardless, we give her a refund, a few passes and send her on her way (this took about 10 minutes from the time i asked her if she was okay). I apologized for kicking him out, saying that when I saw violence i had to act. She says not to worry.
After a few minutes I realized the kid was the same kid who lost his hat (i had recognized the hat). this explained his behavior to me.
Fast forward about an hour, I was coming back from break.
As I walk in the doors, a fellow manager says to me that the cops are here, looking for someone. (he shows me a picture of the individual). its the kid. fuck.
I go up to the cops, they asked for my story, I told them i saw someone throwing punches and kicked him out. They said he was autistic. I told them the mom told me until thereafter. They said not to worry, but that he had gone missing.
Turns out that when i kicked him out he kinda just kept walking instead of waiting for his mom or whatever, and again, this is in a rough neighborhood.
So am I an asshole for kicking out an autistic kid, leading to him going missing? I feel like perhaps I should have waited and asked the mom before kicking him out, but she never said anything while i was doing it. I have no idea what happened to this kid, and I feel really bad that my actions led him to going missing. Then again, I also feel justified in this situation because the dude was beating the shit out of his family, what else could I have done.
&#x200B;
Am I an asshole?
&#x200B;
If anyone needs any extra details or clarification just let me know.
&#x200B; | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 45,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
PcFXFFbW1650uYeMqdNHNAn2i8LIWzr9 | b55dmh | {
"description": "being super sad about being excluded",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for being super sad about being excluded? | My boyfriend and I both lost our jobs at the same time and got new ones. His is awesome, mine kinda sucks. His coworkers come across as a little condescending but I want to give them a chance. He has only had me come out with them one time because they don’t want outside people to hang, I guess. I thought I would finally get a chance tonight because he said we were all going to go out and rent a limo and slam beers in it driving around to different bars. I go to work with the plan that I’m going to meet them all when I’m done. Halfway through my shift my boyfriend texts a screenshot of one of the coworkers saying it’s “shop only” and I can’t come along. We’ve been trying to save money and I don’t really have any friends up here, so I am now stuck home alone with nothing to do. My boyfriend apologized but still went and is still out. I told him how I feel but that seems irrelevant to him. He’s definitely mad at me at this point, as well- I did text a snarky “at least one of us is having fun”. While I know that’s wrong, he had zero hesitation about still going and only texted “wow” back to me. He knows I’ve been lonely and depressed because we’ve talked about it. He invited me out with two of the crew ONE time and kicked me under the table throughout and told me I was being embarrassing. I was being very reserved because know I can be loud. It seems he’s concerned with impressing these people and not much else. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
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} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
oeepO5KCqf4MEVQl2LWhj6nobwWqDo5f | ay69wn | {
"description": "telling a kid with no friends to fuck off",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA For telling a kid with no friends to fuck off | For the last couple of months, this person in class has been trying to talk to me and become my friend. I have always been nice to him since he doesn't really have any friends in school, but today I went off on him. I was sitting in class as usual, and for some reason, he decides to lay his head on my shoulder. It is very uncomfortable at this point. I ask him to stop, but he won't give up. At this point, he already got all of his grease from his hair on my jacket. I notice this, and push him off and tell him to fuck off. I tell him this is the reason why he has no friends because he doesn't have any fucking boundaries. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
z0IHxihK9TiGm4OES8T1Oj3CurmJTAot | 9zbge9 | {
"description": "not wanting to introduce my girlfriend to certain people straight off",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not wanting to introduce my girlfriend to certain people straight off? | So I was wanting to introduce my new girlfriend to my parents and my sister! Now I was going to make dinner for the 5 of us. My sister has a fiancé and he is something..(no filter,cocky, and a big baby) well i didn’t invite him over and he is upset and my sister is also. And he is starting to fight with her and my sister is heated at me now.
So should I have invited him over or was it my decision to either introduce him later? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
lSaIqoe4KaZ2eLBkEoM8Bs1uZyDY2N8l | azjo5z | {
"description": "wanting my boyfriend to stand up for me",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 21
} | AITA for wanting my boyfriend to stand up for me? | I went out to the bar with my boyfriend last night and there was a incident that has me questioning our entire relationship.
I accidentally bumped into a guy and spilled his drink on him. I apologized profusely. The guy was not happy with that though. He made fun of my appearance and called me a “drunken bitch”.
My boyfriend was close by and claimed to have not heard it. But even after I told him about it, he didn’t do anything. I’m not saying I wanted him to get into a fight with the guy, but I did expect him to stand up to someone who disrespected his girlfriend.
All he said when I was telling him about it is ask me if I wanted to leave. No, I wanted you to stick up for me. It’s just spineless and really unattractive to me. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 21,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 21
} | WRONG |
FBR7Ukg6RQEKeTaUlkTghgsI0NKcJxyd | b78ii8 | {
"description": "asking a friend who has stayed at my place 24 days this month for a small rent payment",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking a friend who has stayed at my place 24 days this month for a small rent payment? | So, this friend is a friend of my 2 other roommates and myself. We all went to school together and what not, but he is more of a friend to one of my roommates than myself. Anyways, he has his own place one town over (about a 20 minute drive) and he lives with his sister there in a town home that they rent. But this past month he has stayed the night here 24 days sleeping on the couch. It is starting to get irritating for me because I work until about 2am or 3am most nights and he will complain sometimes about me being "too loud" when I get home. He does work with my roommate and they get up at 4am, so I see his point, but this wouldn't be a problem for him if he either paid for a room, or stayed at his place. He doesn't believe that he should pay any rent because he already has a rent payment, and we are all "friends".
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
0uGtWMVTjxiOxKa7s3zljMR62OK9EZ8l | aj24yp | {
"description": "cutting off a little girl in the middle of her story",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for cutting off a little girl in the middle of her story? | This is rather light compared to some of the super drama filled posts on this sub. If that’s what you’re here for, about face.
Few days ago I had to get some routine maintenance done on my vehicle. It’s a higher end dealership, so there’s a nice waiting room/lounge area with TVs, charging stations, beverages and snacks. There were a couple unforeseen issues on my vehicle so I ended up being there for about 3 hours for what was supposed to be an oil change and tire rotation.
About two hours into waiting there (I was alone in there for quite a while at this point) a salesman walked in a little girl and her younger brother, they both had tablets, they sat down and the salesman left. The girl was somewhere between 8-10, and the boy was probably 5 or 6. We were in there alone and I wanted to make them feel comfortable, so I started talking to them about the snow storm that was all over the TV. We’re in the southwest and they had never really seen snow so it started a good fun little conversation. Then the little boy started showing me his games on his tablet, and I was just entertaining them.
We were really having a good time and about a half hour into it the little girl was telling me all about her family and her life. All totally normal stuff, but then she started to tell me about their house and how close it is to the school (she specifically told me about walking through the path behind the school taking a left and walking X houses down, etc.) and what time they do this, and I cut her off. I didn’t know her name I just said, “Sweetie, I’m sorry, but you really shouldn’t be telling me this stuff. I’m a nice man, and would never hurt you, but you don’t *know* that. You can’t tell these types of things to strangers.”
It seemed like she understood, and shook her head yes, but then she totally shut down. It seemed like I almost scared her. Any attempts to talk to her from that point on were futile. It was sad because I was really having fun with them, could tell they were, and I wanted them to feel comfortable in this place alone with me.
Side note: no one came to check on them, like once. In the entire hour I was there with them. Their grandparents were looking at getting a car, but no salesman came around to look for them or anything. That didn’t really seem right to me, but whatever.
AITA for stopping this girl in the middle of her story and pointing out what she shouldn’t be telling me and why? Should I have let it go, knowing I’m obviously not going to do anything, and they’re not my kids so it’s not my responsibility to educate them on these things? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Yor9PKz3fQzYm845vEx18WjvVHbWVlsX | afurgy | {
"description": "threatening to kick my dad's ass after he threw the suit I wore to my brother's wedding on the ground",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for threatening to kick my dad's ass after he threw the suit I wore to my brother's wedding on the ground | Hi guys,
I'll try to keep backstory minimal and factual
My brother got married this past Saturday. I was a groomsman. I had a great time. I don't think my dad did. My dad and I had a fight the day after the wedding where he believed I got too drunk (I did) but I believed I was still having a great time and he was either responding to a specific disagreement we had or he wanted to take out his bad mood on me.
Mum took my side and I believe she harshly reprimanded him in private. Dad apologized to me, but I believe he likely felt coerced into it and ganged up on.
The next morning dad woke up in an even worse mood. I would later find out that he had been rude to all of the family members present that morning. I also woke up in a bad mood after ruminating on events most of the night. I tried to keep this to myself and just get through the day and eventually get home, but my fuse was very short.
I walk outside to unload my things with a neutral expression on my face, eager to avoid initiating conflict. Dad meets me with a scowl. I respond with my own scowl. Dad aggressively asks if my tie and belt which are in his car are mine and shoves them into my hands. I respond aggressively that they are. Dad then goes back into his car and grabs the suit that I purchased for my brothers wedding onto the gravel. At this point, I lose it, I get up close to his face and scold him like I never have before. I tell him I will kick his ass and that I am this close to doing it and I make it very physically clear that I will follow through on this. He stays silent.
I have tried to keep this retelling factual and balanced and also include his perspective but do not let my understanding of his perspective fool you into thinking that I believe he has behaved in any way acceptably.
&#x200B;
Prior to this, this individual has cheated on my mother and has hit her once before on a trip to Europe a year prior. The hitting was a smack that I have been informed has not happened before or since. It was a shock.
Am I finally sticking up for myself or did I lose the moral high ground by threatening violence
&#x200B;
Thank you | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
mc8bAzwjmugFyUTWem5w8fcSMu7rkAQE | b4czo3 | {
"description": "not wanting to hang out with my friend with her kids around",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to hang out with my friend with her kids around | Hey guys. I’ve been pretty conflicted about lately and feel like a bad friend.
My friend and I are both in our 30s and have been teamed up since middle school. We’ve been through college, bad relationships, divorce and all that together and she’s my closest confidant. We mainly communicate by text (we’re not phone call people) and getting together when possible as we live a few hours away from each other. We pride our friendship on not being super needy with each other and there’s no hurt feelings when we don’t respond right away or over a few days.
Lately she’s been visiting the town I live in a lot and inviting me like normal, but I’ve been flaky. The reason I’ve been hesitant is because her kids are rude. They’re 9 and 11 and always make rude comments to each other and people around them. I’ve been called fat, lazy and stupid by them with their mom, my friend, not really saying anything or doing anything to stop it. I don’t feel like I can say anything else except “hey that was rude”. The behavior and comments continue even though my friend tries. I’m childless and therefore don’t want to tell anyone how to parent.
I much prefer hanging with her without her kids and have been skipping out on hanging out lately. She wanted to meet for lunch this past weekend and I said I was busy because I didn’t want to hear comments about how gross my food looks or why I’m eating so much (I don’t, just a chunk).
Am I the asshole for avoiding my friend because of her kids? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
cPhQDLoKmPVzGtAWoqDIARLrH2svUWUG | am2h2z | {
"description": "not wanting to give them another chance at being friends",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to give them another chance at being friends? | Ok this is a long one, with many people involved, so thanks in advance to those who read through the whole thing. TL;DR at the bottom.
&#x200B;
I (24f) and one of my closest friends, we'll call him Alex (24m), have been at something of an impasse about whether I should let a mutual of ours - we'll call them Erin (23f) - back into my life as a friend.
This all began years ago in high school. We all belonged to a friend group that was pretty close-knit. There were like a dozen of us, and we were the weird artsy kids who spent time drawing together, talking about anime and Doctor Who, and had a name for our little club. We had a lot of fun, and I have many fond memories of the times we shared. I wasn't close with everyone in the group since there were so many of us, and one of them was our *de facto* leader, Erin. They're the one who organized a lot of our weekend get-togethers (we called club meetings) and hosted all events with our group. They were close with others, including a girl named Maria. I'll get to her later.
&#x200B;
Over the year or two that our group was together, people like my best friends Betty and Liana stopped coming to meetings, citing differences with Erin as main reasons for not returning. Around this time is when I noticed certain behaviors of theirs: the condescending tone with which they would often correct people, the petty gossiping, and the unending drama that seemed to follow them wherever they went. They were never this way with me so I continued to go to group meetings in the interest of maintaining my friendships with everyone else.
Then Erin took up smoking, which at first was just an inconvenience that everyone put up with for the sake of the group, but then they started to encourage others to take it up. Before long, half the group would have to leave like three times a meetings for long periods to take smoke breaks. Then they'd come back stinking to high hell, and those of us with asthma and allergies just had to deal with the smell and coughing. To say the least, the rest of us were not happy. We brought it up to Erin and the smokers that their habit was getting in the way and constantly splitting the group in the middle of our fun. Some started the process of quitting or minding their intake during meetings, but Erin continued unabashed.
Also around this time, Maria was in a lovey-dovey relationship with Carlos (who was Betty and Alex's best friend growing up). He started coming to meetings and all was well. Everyone liked him well enough, and Maria was heads over heels. A few months pass, and Carlos breaks up with Maria seemingly out of nowhere. It comes out that Erin was actively trying to get with Carlos under Maria's nose, and that they were in an emotional affair. Maria was devastated, our group was shocked, there was some side-taking and in-fighting. All of these compounding tensions spilled over and destroyed our friend group. That was the end of our club.
And even after all these years I still feel it was entirely Erin's fault. I mean, Erin struggled with BPD and had a shitty upbringing with a drug addict mom and an absent dad, so I tried to be understanding. However, while it explained some of her actions it doesn't excuse them. To this day they have never once apologized for causing Maria such grief.
&#x200B;
While this was all going on, Alex was slowly losing his friendships with everyone in the group for other reasons. It left him with few options friend-wise, and he doesn't make new friends easily. That's a whole other story on its own, but suffice it to say that I wasn't totally surprised that after all this he stayed friends with Erin and Carlos.
That was a long time ago and neither I nor Maria mind that he stayed friends with Erin after all this, but we choose not to hang out with them ourselves. For me it started out purely out of solidarity, but it became more personal when I made the mistake of agreeing to hang out briefly for a group outing that had Erin involved.
Erin wasn't considerate of my aversion/allergy to secondhand smoke and even sat upwind of me at the beach while puffing on a cigarette (I couldn't really move spots because I was trying to protect my new tattoos from the sun), then when I asked that they not smoke in the car on the drive back they said okay... and we didn't even make it out of the parking lot before they simple rolled down the window to hit their vape (which didn't work because it kept blowing into the backseat and in our faces). This continued in Alex's house when they basically huffed like a chimney all afternoon. The air even took on a hazy quality, and had a sickly sweet stench that permeated everything. I didn't hide my discomfort, even put a blanket in front of my face to filter the air, but they didn't seem to take notice. Or if they did they didn't care. Even if they didn't see, I'd made it clear in several occasions now that I wasn't comfortable with breathing in their smoke.
&#x200B;
Afterwards I put my foot down and privately told Alex I wasn't going to hang out with him if Erin was there. And it made him sad because he has so few close friends left and can't hang out with any of them in a group anymore.
I thought the matter was settled, but recently Alex has been talking about trying to get Maria and Erin to make up (they'd done it before in the past but Erin kept doing inconsiderate things that hurt Maria) in the hopes of getting some of the old gang together. He's been talking to me about how much Erin has changed, how nice and funny they are, and how they've really grown out of this person I still have in my head...
And he keeps bringing up possible future plans where Maria, Erin, and I are all hanging out together. He says it with this slow pleading look like 'I know you have problems with them but wouldn't it be better if we laid those to rest and were all buddies again?'
It makes me feel a little bad for not giving them another chance if what he says about them being changed is true. But Maria made a great point stating that "I am doing fine without them. I don't hold animosity anymore, but I'm happy with the friends I have now and don't need to gamble on the possibility that Erin will bring more drama into my life again." I agree with her, but it seems Alex is keen to mend those broken bridges. The things he says about his friendship with Erin sound nice, but I think he has it easy because he doesn't have a problem with Erin's smoking and wasn't directly impacted by their inconsiderate behavior in the past. He keeps bringing it up in hopes that I'll relent.
AITA for not giving them another chance?
&#x200B;
TL;DR - This person, Erin, who broke up my high school friend group with a pattern of inconsiderate behavior (including having an emotional affair with a mutual friend's partner and smoking while I'm around despite my repeated assertions of being uncomfortable) has supposedly changed in the years since these incidents, but I'm wary of taking the gamble and letting them back into my life. My buddy Alex wants to see his friends all be cool with each other again and keeps trying to get me to give Erin another chance, but I don't want to. AITA for standing my ground and refusing to interact with them again? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
9Qoz1ZEgG4JfhKS6eVPx76Bc1V5RON1R | b2pemq | {
"description": "leaving a penny as tip to the restaurant server for being overly political",
"pronormative_score": 215,
"contranormative_score": 31
} | AITA for leaving a penny as tip to the restaurant server for being overly political? | A group of my friends and I went out for brunch yesterday after a St Patrick’s day event. There were 7 of us and we had a server who was not shy about sharing his ultra right wing views about immigrants.
We told the server we were just trying to have a nice brunch and would rather not hear about his political beliefs. Unfortunately he wouldn’t shut up about undocumented immigrants and the Chinese/Mexicans/etc every time he came to our table.
Some of us found it funny, funny in the sense that every time he came over we were waiting for the next outrageous thing to come out of his mouth. But I thought he was kind of rude to keep mumbling these political rants despite us telling him it’s not appreciated.
Instead of leaving him a real tip, I left a penny and a note suggesting he shouldn’t impose his politics on his customers. One of my friends thought that was kind of shitty especially since we were a large party and the server had to work on Sunday. But I didn’t think so. Was it shitty for me to do that? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 13,
"OTHER": 215,
"EVERYBODY": 18,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 3
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 215,
"WRONG": 31
} | RIGHT |
8WNKUgCGbYcuxO97eM3kdrb3LRWjnX4N | axxcdn | {
"description": "calling out friend ... and being put out by her comments",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for calling out friend ... and being put out by her comments | AITA One of my friends seems to go after men who are attached, I don’t know why but she just does. She is a few years younger than me and we have been friends for almost three years. She recently was telling us all about how this guy she’d been seeing had dropped her for his girlfriend and she should blow up his life.
I said to her “you know you keep saying you want more friends and all this about wanting a tight group of female friends, women don’t like women who do shit to other women. Your not innocent in all this” she basically said she is single so not in the wrong.
I said to her I just don’t want to listen any more. She later said to me I hope you don’t think I would do that to “husbands name” I said no… but felt really affronted. Just she needs to grow up. Am I the ass for being judgey and now basically not really inviting her over as I saw that sentence as she thinks she could have said husband if she wanted. I mean he doesn’t really like her because of said loudness and being a bit entitled. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
baVB2XZFE7kbeiOfVXAKA1BAOnUZirL4 | b44er3 | {
"description": "not giving my bus seat to an elderly lady",
"pronormative_score": 49,
"contranormative_score": 27
} | AITA for not giving my bus seat to an elderly lady? | So I work a very very physically demanding job in the construction industry and at the end of the work day I get the bus home. I love sitting down and unwinding on the trip home as I'm on my feet most of the day and am always exhausted.
The other day a woman who must have been in her mid-late 70s got on the bus and stood near me. There were no free seats and I wasn't sat in an area specifically for elderly people or anything like that. She kept giving me hacky side glances and tutting the entire journey. When I got to my stop I got up and moved past her to get off the bus she confronted me with: "finally! YOU should show your elders some respect you know."
I told her I'd worked hard all day and was entitled to a seat on the bus as it's first come first served and I paid for my ticket.
So, am I the asshole for not giving her my seat? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 18,
"OTHER": 47,
"EVERYBODY": 9,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 3
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 49,
"WRONG": 27
} | RIGHT |
o51kGhLfTJxWerGZaom73nIw5cTuegJJ | azgj36 | {
"description": "asking for my money back from my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 94,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for asking for my money back from my girlfriend | To start this out my girlfriend and her two kids live with me. I don't have a problem with paying for things here and there. I do make a lot more money than her. But im not rich and i have plans for the money like bills and retirement funds. she doesn't make a lot through out the year so taxes are a huge windfall for her.
4 months ago her car breaks down and it has been nothing but a problem since she got it. leaking oil, randomly not starting, requires premium (somehow they didn't know this when they bought it) etc etc. and more the car was going to cost more to fix(full engine replacement) than it was worth. so we sat down and discussed it and opted to look at a new car. i would feel comfortable with her in a new car with the kids since i didn't want them stranded on the road in the middle of winter.
anyway we looked around and found a car she wanted but she didn't have money to put down so i moved some things around and was able to put $1750 down for her on the agreement she would pay me back with her tax returns.
tax returns come (8k) and she doesn't say anything so i give it a couple days then ask her about it. she gets mad because if we were married she says she wouldn't have to pay me back. she also says she has plans to spend it most of it and is putting 1k in savings and doesn't want to give it to me because she doesn't want to feel broke all the time.
AITA for expecting my gf to keep her word? or feeling like she literally stole from me? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 92,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 94,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
5AzqCftjFK7e9rSTvuBjaN2kIgkyBqWZ | 9u45cp | {
"description": "asking a woman to put her phone down while recording at a concert",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for asking a woman to put her phone down while recording at a concert? | Went to a concert yesterday at a small, but definitely not sold out venue with a friend of mine. We're in our early 20s. As we're both quite tall, my friend and I did not want to stand right in front, so others who aren't as tall could still see something, so we're in the middle of the crowd. As the show wasn't sold out or anything, there was still a lot of empty space to stand or dance right in front of the stage.
&#x200B;
Well, the show began and everybody started to dance: great show overall. However, a woman who was approximately 20 centimeters shorter than me and probably was in her early 50s, thought it would be a good idea to start recording a video of an entire (!) song on her phone. She was holding her arms above her head right in front of my head, completely blocking my view. As I didn't want to obstruct other peoples' views, I let this woman do her thing and just cringed how she recorded one of those terrible self-filmed concert videos.
&#x200B;
When the song was over, I tapped her on her shoulder and said "Can I give you a tip? If you just do a couple of steps forward, so you're in front row (the empty space directly in front of the stage, with no people to obstruct your view) then your arms wouldn't get so tired while filming!"
She was like; "Oh I thought this was a nice exercise, haha..."
To which I replied; "Well, that's great, but there are other people behind you that also want to see the show without a view obstructed by the screen of your phone".
Her husband heard this and told me brusquely "Well then why don't you just take a step aside?"
&#x200B;
Yeah, whatever, I thought. I didn't reply to him as I didn't want to escalate the "conflict". The couple slowly moved away from us to the front after that and she didn't record another video on her phone during the show.
&#x200B;
Am I the asshole for introducing a woman to the idea to move to the front of the audience so she can make better quality videos and other people don't have to watch the concert via her phone screen?
&#x200B; | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
tlTwVQSvvvUpN5pIsiEKU2b2pikFcNuO | a81jpq | {
"description": "telling my roommate I'm uncomfortable with the amount of women he has over",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for telling my roommate I'm uncomfortable with the amount of women he has over? | Been friends with roommate for 8+ years.
This has been going on for a while now, but it's only recently become an issue to me.
When he moved in this time last year, him and his gf had just broken up, and my bf moved in with us at the same time.
He's been meeting girls on tinder and having them over since then, and it's never really been a problem.
Bf and I just let him do his thing.
However, the number is now up to 3-4 different women coming over every week. Some are repeats, but honestly he brings in new girls more often than going back for seconds.
He claims these girls know the deal, but I cant imagine that they truly know the extent of women he's fucked...of course everyone has different opinions but I could never fuck a guy I knew was literally inside another girl the night before. Also I've mentioned STD testing to roomie who said hes "already been tested this year, I'm good". OK bud, not how that works.
And on the other hand, I'm simply no longer comfortable with the flow of different and unknown people in my house. It gets ridiculous, to come inside nearly every day and be introduced to a new girl. Yes I have tried purposely mixing up names, or making remarks like 'which one is this?' its like a joke to him.
I try and never use it as leverage, however the fact is that I own this house and will be here for much longer than he will. And I'm not comfortable with this many randos having our address. What happens when one of them wasnt expecting to go home at the end of the night and causes a scene? Or worse?
I also don't understand why he always has women over here. However I have heard him take credit for ownership and cleanliness of the house, when he barely pays rent on time and doesn't clean a fucking thing.
Not to mention, apparently nearly every girl he has over has made a comment about how attractive MY SO is. Being the sort of insecure person that I am, this just makes me feel even more uncomfortable in my own home.
I'm not one to judge. I know he has rights to have people over. However, me and BF specifically asked him to not have someone over last night and he did. He waited until we were asleep, which makes it slightly better, but we were going through a difficult time and wanted privacy, not just that night but the next morning as well. and he refused to respect our wishes even though it states in our lease agreement that all residents must be okay with a visitor.
TLDR; roommate has 3-4 different women over every week to fuck, he doesn't clean up after himself in general and is not a great rooommate, now after he disrespected our request for a night of privacy and mentioned that nearly every girl he fucks makes a comment about how attractive my SO is, I'm just fed up with my roommates promiscuity. At least, done with it happening at my house.
Would you be okay with this situation? Am I even rational?? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
lRhTbTbU2oWh26pXLYxNpmkxTgc7naKw | a9mr6e | {
"description": "not wanting to spend time with my family",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to spend time with my family? | I’m a middle child (one of two middle children), so this must be a pretty common feeling. I just hate spending time with my family. We get along fine, we love each other and they’re not assholes, I just don’t enjoy actually hanging out with them.
When my older brother comes to visit with his fiancée and son, I’m always pressured into hanging out with them, and recently I’ve tried my best to make my own decision and say no, I’d rather hang out with my girlfriend instead. Apparently I’m an asshole for this.
Yesterday at Christmas, I love Christmas, but I just felt so miserable coming from my girlfriends place to my own because I just didn’t want to be there. I feel whenever I open my mouth I get berated, and if I choose to spend time away from my family I get berated again, I just can’t win! | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
u5ue3d0iGopdzTdonKpCLHeecGk4EHFY | ao8qnc | {
"description": "arguing with a senior citizen",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for arguing with a senior citizen | Here is my situation. We have an AMC theater that my son (22) and I (51) go to. For those not familiar with AMC they have a rewards program that if you pay for the premium (which I do) enables you to enter express lines for buying tickets and refreshments. Well, one day the two of us go to the theater and they only have one box office open. There is a sign that says for premium members to enter on the left and for everyone to enter on the right. We of course, enter on the left and are third in line. The right line has approximately ten patrons in it.
The first person in our line goes first. Then the first person in the other line. Then the cashier beckons the person in front of me to come up and be next. When this happens there is an older gentlemen probably around 65 (who is in the longer line ) who starts screaming. He starts waving his card around and wants to know why he isn’t being treated the same as the people in my line. The Cashier asks him if he is a premium member and he replies yes. Now, I’m not sure if you can actually tell from the card if you are or not as the card still has perks if you aren’t a premium member. The Cashier tells him that he is in the wrong line and waves him over to my line.
The gentleman then steps in front of me and is now next in line for the cashier. Then this happens
Son- “Hey, get in the back in the line!!”
Senior Citizen- What!!!!!
Son- “I said, get in the back in the line”
SC- “I’ve been here longer than you have”
Son- “Not my fault, you can’t read a sign or follow simple instructions”
SC- “You want a piece of me, punk” (That may not be the exact quote, but it is close)
I’m actually not sure what my son said at the point as now I was between the two of them with a hand in my son’s chest pushing him backwards and telling the SC that he can go next.
Son- “Dad, are you seriously going to let this asshole in front of you”
SC- Some curse words
Son- Some more curse words
Me- “Yes, and calm the F down before the cops get called”
While this is going on the cashier finishes processing the person at the box office and beckons the SC to be next while I calm my son down.
After the SC finishes the cashier doesn’t know what to do. There is another gentlemen who is first in the other line who is in his 70s at least and maybe 80s. I tell him to go next and then we go after him.
Now, I’m pretty sure I’m not the asshole in this situation. I think this boils down to my son and the SC. However for purposes of voting I will claim the position of my son as I am 50% responsible for his DNA. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
BUOa9wH5624maGBhne1rAkUIXKzKnGVc | acegfm | {
"description": "thinking it's unfair that my so is telling me that I need to stop crying over little things",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for thinking it’s unfair that my SO is telling me that I need to stop crying over little things? | I’ve always cried at things I find sad. Sad movies, books, TV shows, social media posts, etc.
My boyfriend knows and hates it. He always gets mad at me for crying and tells me that I’m being ridiculous. He doesn’t like seeing me upset when he can’t fix it. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t tell him what’s wrong because I know he’ll think it’s stupid which makes me feel worse.
For example, tonight we were on the phone having a conversation with my dad. I was simultaneously browsing Facebook and someone posted someone else Facebook post of him bragging about beating his dog for pooping in the house. In the background you see his poor dog and blood everywhere. I wasn’t expecting it and started crying but didn’t want to interrupt the phone call and waved my SO off and told him it was fine.
After we got off the phone my SO told me that I was being selfish for crying all the time.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
vZQ170MkFgmok3Gpq3xQneEOfTUpM2DI | ao6eox | {
"description": "not acting enthusiastic about someone else's pregnancy",
"pronormative_score": 75,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not acting enthusiastic about someone else's pregnancy? | Throwaway for obvious reasons.
My coworker is currently pregnant and everyone is gushing over her constantly. All I hear all day long is pregnancy jokes, comments, or baby talk. Especially now as her due date is around the corner.
I am happy for her, but I have had 3 miscarriages within the past 13 months. The last one I had major complications with and there is a chance I won't be able to get pregnant again as a result. My coworkers are aware of the last one because it happened later in the pregnancy (22 weeks) and we had announced.
I'm genuinely happy for her, I really am. And I try to be supportive. But, I cannot make myself be enthusiastic.
The office manager confronted me about it this morning because I'm the only person not constantly asking the pregnant coworker how she's feeling, etc and the manager noticed. She feels I should be over what happened or at least be able to pretend enthusiasm. Again I have always been supportive and kind to the pregnant coworker, I just don't gush over her or start conversations with her that involve her pregnancy or child.
I thought I was doing fine, but this confrontation by the office manager makes me wonder if I'm really being an asshole? I don't talk about my miscarriages with any of them anymore, not since I was finally over the medical complications and even that was just because I couldn't do things at work that I normally do without risking a trip to the ER. I'm a very private person and I while I was open with saying "I'm not ok, but I'm doing better than yesterday." I never opened up to anyone in the office about what I was going through beyond just "this happened and as a result I can't do X until my doctor clears me for that type of work".
I honestly don't know if I can fawn over my pregnant coworker at this point. I feel horrible about it after what my manager said, but its all I can do sometimes to just smile and nod to the conversation regarding her pregnancy/baby instead of crying. I don't expect everyone to treat me special by any means, but am I really the asshole for not pretending to be ecstatic about this?
&#x200B; | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 75,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 75,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
freI0fyoKDYRtsLBcAa1RpnKFMLjPlaz | atuyob | {
"description": "casually farting on my sisters head when she refused to leave my room multiple times",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA For casually farting on my sisters head when she refused to leave my room multiple times? | Im 17, my sister is 15 and very annoying.
I had my friend come over to play his xbox one x and watch movies on it. She entered my room to look at it but then refused to leave.
She has a habit of entering my room and refusing to leave until my parents make her because she knows it pisses me off. My parents weren't home so this was a lose lose for me.
She also insisted on playing candy crush on her phone really loud while we were watching movies. She also hogged my bed so i had to sit at the end of it.
Finally I had enough and while getting up to supposedly go to the bathroom I sneak attack her while her eyes are on her phone.
I sat on her head and dropped some mustard gas on her face. It was one of those farts that make your butt clap which made it even worse. She started smacking my ass (i have a mark even on my ass) then ran out the door coughing and crying.
My mom called me later and made me send my friend home, and im no longer allowed to have people over which sucks because i dont have the gas money to drive to other peoples houses.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 6
} | RIGHT |
g139ty7rL64qwuDOH5bWNX4Eb9BofOX9 | afiffe | {
"description": "checking up on my ex boyfriend at the request of his sister against my current boyfriend's wishes in the middle of the night",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 13
} | AITA For checking up on my ex boyfriend at the request of his sister against my current boyfriend’s wishes in the middle of the night? | Alright, so this just happened. I share a house with my current boyfriend, A, who I’ve been dating for about three months. We have a pretty solid relationship. We’re both very forthcoming with feelings or gripes we might have with each other. I’d even go as far as saying that we have 10/10 communication skills.
My ex boyfriend, B, broke up with me more than a year ago. We had dated for three years and it was pretty serious, but it eventually went to shit, hence the “ex” part. We share a dog who we both love very much. It took a year of petty arguments, screaming matches, and not talking to each other at all to get to a point where we’ve both moved on and have a dope friendship. As it happens, we’re great friends, as we had been friends for years before we hated, but we just made an awful couple.
A is very aware of the existence of B in my life and understands and respects the dynamics of our relationship as friends and dog parents. He’s been nothing short of wonderful and supportive throughout, which makes this situation even more confusing.
So, around 1:30 AM, B’s sister texts me saying that she got a message from B saying that he called 911. I guess iPhones have this feature that if you call 911, they notify your emergency contact and send them your location. Anyway, I live about twenty minutes away from B and she lives about a two hour drive away. Needless to say, I told her I’d check up on him and let her know what was up.
Before leaving, I gave A a heads up and I was met with a shitty face. He informed me that it wasn’t my responsibility to check up on B. I argued by saying that B tends to sleep walk so he might’ve unintentionally called 911 or something like that. A was absolutely adamant that it was inappropriate for me to go.
I got to B’s and turns out he was okay, just dead asleep. I had him call his sister, I joked about him calling 911 for company, and I left. Upon returning home, A was waiting for me with an angry look. He argued that I shouldn’t have gone in case it was a dangerous situation and because it’s straight up inappropriate to go to my ex boyfriend’s house at late hours in the night.
I just can’t understand how A might think that I’d even want to drive to anyone’s house in the wee hours in the morning just to come right back home. I feel confident in my decision to check on B because he’s my friend and I’d do that for any of my friends, especially if it meant bringing their family members peace of mind. I understand the part where I could have put myself in danger, but I approached B’s house very alert and searched for anything that was out of the ordinary before entering.
So, am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 13
} | WRONG |
ByFOK2FejaZbeWpSaj9ZVgG7V25XDzEN | am1bka | {
"description": "being jealous that my siblings get what I ask for and I don't",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 13
} | AITA for being jealous that my siblings get what I ask for and I don't? | Hello reddit, I'm writing this because a situation just happened with my little brother that I think is absolutely ridiculous. Back in July, my family and I were vacationing in France, I asked for an XBoX controller for my games. My little brothers both had controllers, I initially asked for an Elite controller which is 160-ish USD, but my parents declined, so I went for a run of the mill white controller. I got it, and this was unacceptable for my brothers, they had black ones and apparently their black controllers now sucked. They tried to take if from me and swap it for their own controller, they claimed that there was a difference other than the color which justified them taking it. At least that didn't work.
In December, my little brothers and I asked for rechargeable batteries for our controllers, my dad agreed to buy us the chargers, I also asked him if I could buy a condenser microphone, an AT2020, I would be paying for it from the money I earned obviously.
My parents and my siblings come back from their vacation in Dubai, and there are only two batteries in their luggage, my dad tells me that he forgot I wanted them, though my little brothers told me that they had convinced him that I don't need it. I don't know who to believe but that's irrelevant, I find the microphone, but it's not an AT2020, I won't complaint since it's still a condenser and better than my blue snowball ice, I take it into my room, but then my sister gets angry that her microphone is missing, I thought my dad must've gotten her a mic too, my dad the finds me using the mic, grounds me and gives it to her, turns out he bought the mic for her in the first place. At this point I'm clearly pissed off, so I retreat to my room and go to sleep.
Later that week I ask my dad for the battery, my little brothers had gotten a knock-off battery, I asked my dad for an original Microsoft one, which was somehow cheaper than the knock-off, he agreed. My little brother whined about it but I didn't think much of it. Come delivery day, there are two batteries in the box, I excitedly thank my dad and unbox them in my room. I thought he had also gotten me a spare charger. Nope. My little brother comes into my room screaming and starts kicking my stuff, turns out he also got an original charger too, even though he already had one. I thought this was unfair because he had two batteries while I had one.
When I asked my dad how come he gets whatever he wants and I have to consistently ask him about it he tells me when I was his age I had everything I wanted, which consisted of a PSP and a Pentium powered PC that couldn't do jack shit. I was grateful that I did have them as a child though so I decided to drop it. For reference my brother's PC is has an i7 and a respectable graphics card. My current PC is way better than his, but that's irrelevant to the argument.
A few weeks later my brother buys his second and third copy of Minecraft, the third copy is an XBox one edition which he can't even fucking play, my dad gets it for him anyways because it's cheap. He then goes on a buying spree where he buys Just Cause 3 and FIFA 19, which I asked for as well. My dad did give me the origin login details for FIFA 19 which was nice of him, and I did already have Just Cause 3 on my steam account, I still don't understand why my dad didn't just force me to share my account with him instead of buying the game twice.
Last night shit really begins to hit the fan, as my brother buys his third copy of the same star wars game, and my dad agrees to get him GTA V (he hasn't bought it yet), which he rejected when I asked him a few months prior. This pisses me off.
This morning all hell breaks loose when my other little brother and I learn that my first little brother is not only buying the 200USD controller that I asked for in July, but he's also buying a PS4. Even though he has a computer than can run all the games he plays and he doesn't own any PS4 games. I get angry, and my dad tells me that there are certain things which are appropriate for my 8yo brother that aren't appropriate for me (15yo). Like 3 copies of minecraft, 3 copies of starwars, a PS4, fucking GTAV, and a 200USD Xbox elite controller.
He also told me that I have many things to be grateful for that he doesn't have, like a very powerful PC, and an XPS laptop, a massive collection of Rubik's cubes, which I had to restart a year ago when he destroyed all 37 cubes I owned and had been collecting for 7 years and were worth over 500USD. (I never got compensated and my little brother never got punished).
That's not my point, I recognize that I am privileged and that I do have many things to be grateful for, my point is that it's unfair that my brother gets to spend my father's money in whatever ways he wants, to buy whatever he wants whenever he wants, even though he doesn't use most of the shit he gets, and on top of that, if we both ask for something he gets it and I don't.
Thanks for reading through this if you did, please give me your feedback, what do you think, am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 12,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 13
} | WRONG |
925TKd16oecegxxCsICkC8Ao4sWzBC7C | a0i8rb | {
"description": "hanging with my ex who I left? he asked me to hangout and we had a great time and enjoyed spending time together as friends but we had sex",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for hanging with my ex who I left? He asked me to hangout and we had a great time and enjoyed spending time together as friends but we had sex. | We fucked and had a fantastic night and he called me sweetie and boo and texted me the next day for a bit.
He is a 29/M and I’m a 26/F. I left my boyfriend of a few months because he wasn’t attentive and did not seem that interested.
He reached out to me and asked to be friends. We broke up civilly and it was a great breakup. He started texting e again. We hung out and did it and talked all night. He then said bye sweetie when he left and later that day he texted me about his day
I left because he didn’t seem that interested in me. He said I really grew on him and that he really liked me but that I wasn’t patient enough and rushed him to be more serious (he didn’t act serious with me yet asked me to be his gf) and he felt he couldn’t open up to me or be vulnerable and that’s what he needed from me so that’s why he was distant at times. I said I wanted someone more loving and someone who was super stoked about me. He said he had depression and that he couldn’t open up to me because of issues we had.
Is he just trying to keep me around for sex?
**TLDR: ex is hanging with me and being extra sweet. Is this just to get laid?** | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Ti1iMPzJXBJ1iybL6NpBPa0FO5or6Y18 | amkpcb | {
"description": "not wanting visitors I won't even see in the waiting room while I'm in labor",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not wanting visitors I won't even see in the waiting room while I'm in labor? | I'm currently 8 months pregnant with our first kid. I don't want anyone at the hospital until the baby is born and we've had a little time to hang out with the baby alone & get situated. We've agreed that we won't have any visitors in OUR room until the baby is out. But my husband wants to have his parents stop by the waiting room so he can see them (before the pushing starts). I know the day will be stressful enough, so I don't want to feel like people are there waiting on me to give birth. I don't even want my own mom at the hospital until the baby is out. I told him that labor can take a full day or even longer and he's like yeah, they could just swing by for a little and come back later. He said that it's a big life event for him and he wants their support. But I'm the one going through a medical procedure, so I feel that I should be the one to say who's around, even if he thinks it's silly or doesn't affect me.
This is our first kid & I don't know how I'm going to be feeling that day, so I just want to try to keep it as low stress as possible & don't want him leaving me to go hang out with them (and I definitely don't want them in our room). Not sure if he was joking, but he even said something to them about how I wouldn't need to know they're there and he could just text them after the baby is out and tell them to come up in twenty minutes.
AITA for trying to dictate who's in a room I can't even see & trying to prevent him from seeing his parents during an emotional day? Or is he the asshole for not respecting my wishes on how I want my own labor to go? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
mnGm4aVFgOsewsKI9ZtVPWOewI6angPO | 9xtxs6 | {
"description": "not tipping a poor pregnant waitress",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 13
} | AITA for not tipping a poor pregnant waitress? | A couple of days ago I went to this dine in place and got served by this lovely young waitress. She was very nice to me and quite attentive to me when I whistled for her attention. Anyway I noticed that she was a bit fat around the stomach. I didn't really want to say anything, but she caught me staring and said that she was pregnant. Apparently the father had skipped out on her a couple of months ago and now she was working three jobs whilst trying to support two kids and a pregnancy.
I sympathized with her and went on eating my meal. Afterwards, I paid for it but I didn't leave a tip. It wasn't personal, I just don't believe in tipping. The waitress looked at me but didn't say anything. I said goodbye to her but she just walked away which I thought was a bit rude.
But thinking back on it I kind of felt bad about not giving her an extra dollar or two. So I'm wondering: AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 13,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 13
} | WRONG |
bjEpMXifoOKynRwAeTSTa8SY7b0aBRkq | b907fz | {
"description": "not letting my physics partner copy my stuff after I've turned it in",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not letting my physics partner copy my stuff after I’ve turned it in | Ok so for context I’m a high school student and am in honors physics. My physics partner, let’s call her Rose, is probably the laziest person in the world. Every time we have any assignment I do all of the work, and she either talks about her personal drama or naps. Then expects me to give her all the answers, even when it’s independent work or assessments and we have different papers. At first I didn’t really mind so much ,because I thought she was cool and maybe her parents made her take this class. But it’s the end of the year, she’s failing this class (she has a 32), and she won’t do anything for herself. I have a lot of other things I needed to do and don’t have time for this bullshit.
Now here’s the real reason I’m here, so today was book work review day. We each individually got assigned 16 problems that are due at the end of class. It’s a show what you know kinda thing. I finished mine within about 20 minutes. Meanwhile Rose looked at her problems, decided she either didn’t know how to do them or just didn’t want to, and went to sleep.
She woke up about 10-15 minutes before the end of the period. My teacher has basically given up on trying to make her stay awake in class. She looked at me and asked if I’d do it for her. I forgot to mention that we also had the data lists we’d need and formulas in front of us. I shortly explained how to do it and went back to finishing my work for other classes. That’s when she started saying passive aggressive comments about how I was a bad partner, such as, “Maybe if I had a better partner, I’d be doing better in this class.” This made me really mad, “It’s not my fault all you do in here is nap and now you’re failing.” This ensued an argument of whispers and texts. She keeps blaming me for not helping enough and for her grade. While I think if she really wanted to better she’d talk to the teacher and try harder, am I being an ass? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
VbE5jdwdddSKGDLxqPxv737EpC9JKiRg | b957u5 | {
"description": "not feeling bad for a girl who is bullied for cheating on her boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for not feeling bad for a girl who is bullied for cheating on her boyfriend? | So there's this girl at my school, let's call her Claire. Claire has cheated on guys she's been in a relationship with 4 times now. Her social status is weird- she's hot, I guess, and pretty social, but was only ever really popular because her boyfriends were. She cheated on all of them, and all of them turned against her after that, and having 4 popular people against you for cheating on them (which everyone can agree is wrong) is bound to make your life suck.
So she started getting bullied pretty bad over it. Everyone at my school is either bullying her, or coming to her defense saying she did nothing wrong. I have friends on both sides. I'm pretty close with her 3rd bf, but I also have friends who say she isn't bullied. I don't really bully her myself, but st the same time I have no sympathy towards her. Like, she made her bed, so she can sleep in it. It's not like she made enemies innocently either, she dated r guys and cheated on them. That's pretty wack. People bullying her are jerks, but she also definitely brought it on herself as well.
Anyway, I expressed my opinion to a group of girls in one of my classes (they asked), and I was called super insensitive and an asshole. I don't see myself as either, but am I? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
XwRPrssgx3sa231rs3IHKAWb0A7COJzH | b3ydir | {
"description": "walking out on my job",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for walking out on my job? | Little backstory here, I'm 19 y/o and I've been working to save a little cash up before I head off to uni later this year. About 2 months ago I was hired at a new job, and the other day I resigned on the spot and walked out, to not set foot in there again. I gave no notice.
Context as to why I walked - my immediate manager was pretty horrible to me and treated me like shit. I was constantly sworn at, called some pretty offensive names, screamed at for making mistakes. I was entirely new to the job and had not worked in a similar environment before, so I had to pretty much learn everything on the fly. Even when I wasn't making mistakes I'd get yelled at for some reason or another. On two occasions I was threatened with violence. I also overheard them saying how useless I was to another manager, and that I "should just fuck off already". This is in a customer-facing role too.
Another big problem was that my immediate manager was in a crucial position. The business couldn't afford to lose them, as they were such an integral part of the business itself that it would collapse without them. So I knew that even if I reported them, nothing would be done about it - not for months at least. They were essentially unfireable.
One night I couldn't put up with it anymore, and vowed to resign the next day, when I was due to work. I wrote my resignation letter that evening and handed it in to the boss (not my immediate manager, different person) the next day. He was very pissed at me even after explaining the whole situation to him, and accused me of "throwing them in the shit" by resigning on the spot. After the conversation ended, he didn't shake my hand or say goodbye - he just left me in the office. I let myself out.
Problem is, after I walked out of the building, I had a massive mixture of emotions. On one hand I felt great for not having to go there anymore, but I had this horrible feeling that I'd let down my coworkers. Aside from my boss and my manager they were really nice people. We were quite short staffed at the time, and I felt like ass knowing that they'd have to make up for me walking out on them.
Am I the asshole for walking out on them like that? I don't know what else I could've done in the circumstances. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
AncnPADPyD9fDY1fBpyhyHBDdQSDGtRR | b096lo | {
"description": "leaving my bf when it's not really his fault but the situation we're in",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA for leaving my bf when it’s not really his fault but the situation we're in? | I am 32F, my bf is 32. He has a 10 year old boy from a previous marriage. His ex is extremely manipulative and was abusive to my boyfriend while they were together. She manipulated him into having a child and getting married within a few months of being together. He left her when their son was 3 years old. He had no reason to suspect she would be abusive to the son, but I know that’s not how abusers work, and have strong reason to suspect she his abusive to the son now as well.
I love my bf and his son, but I’m at my wits end. His ex tells their son lies about me constantly, saying I’m trying to replace her as his mother, that I’m trying to stop his dad from seeing him, that it’s my fault if his dad doesn’t answer the phone because I don’t like him. I used to have a really positive relationship with the son but he’s started to believe her lies and now he doesn’t speak to me. He’s polite to me but he doesn’t want to actively spend time with me and often retreats to his bedroom if I’m in the same room.
He’s also extremely depressed. This has gotten significantly worse in recent months. He has horrible panic attacks because he doesn’t want to go back to his mums. A few years ago I contacted child services about concerns I had about his mums treatment of him and it honestly made the entire situation worse, I did it anonymously but she found out it was me and threatened legal action against me saying she could stop me seeing their son. It caused a lot of trouble and I think made it worse for the son at home, too especially as I noticed a huge difference in his behaviour towards me after that.
There are other things as well, such as my boyfriends parents also listen to his exes lies about me and they hate me too. I feel like everyone in my bfs life think I’m the worst. I suffer from anxiety and depression anyway but this is seriously exasperating it. My boyfriend is lovely but a bit useless at actually dealing with his sons trauma, I keep pushing for him to take the son to therapy and he agrees he needs to take him but keeps putting it off.
I feel like I want to leave. I’m constantly stressed and depressed and feel completely helpless. I feel like I’m only staying in the relationship because I don’t want to further damage the son during an extremely difficult period in his life. I don’t know how to deal with his mum, I don’t know what the right thing to do is, and I feel like an asshole for even considering it because it’s not like my boyfriend or his son have a choice in this - they’ve got to stick it out regardless of whether I’m around and I’d just be making the situation worse if I left. But I don’t know if I can cope with the situation anymore. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
DrPHnjdamLCCO6SMTdLTC9ieoGoBZmNM | alnc9l | {
"description": "not wanting to delete my old Skype",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to delete my old Skype | We started talking on this account just over a year ago now, and up until this point it was the one I had used for all my previous shenanigans. I thought I deleted most of my old contacts after the relationship got serious, but I can be quite negligent and so I wouldn't be surprised if that wasn't the case.
But within days of getting to know him I was very serious, and have been to the point where we're having marriage talks with our families. It is long distance at the moment and we Skype regularly. Unfortunately, the stupid mutual friends thing popped up a couple of days ago and it upset him a lot to see random guys and my ex just pop up like that - understandable - so I quickly deleted all miscellaneous contacts and I thought that would be that.
This morning, however, the thing popped up again seemingly with the same contact suggestions and he just asked for me to delete my account. I don't want to. For the record, I should add I have several accounts just because of how forgetful I can be with passwords on different devices and regarding this account, we haven't used it in months. I don't want to just delete the account because it was where we first started talking and with the Skype update a year back, as far as I know, saving messages is not easy and so I really wouldn't want to do that unnecessarily.
I know how upset it gets home and I don't want to do that to him, but at the same time there's a part of me that feels as though he's overreacting. I know it's not great just having it pop-up like that, and I know it's not a trust issue, but I just I'm not sure if I'm the asshole for getting upset too. I mean the situation isn't my fault either, is it fair to expect him to just ignore the issue or not get this upset over it? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 3,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Kr6oHnAV6FPKHz1RGl3yaMaYPh4tq4ZG | b7fqqc | {
"description": "contacting my ex-boss with a photo of the employee handbooking stating why she wrongfully fired me",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | WIBTA if I contacted my ex-boss with a photo of the employee handbook stating why she wrongfully fired me? | When I say “wrongfully fired,” I mean it only in the company guidelines. I accept I was definitely the asshole in the beginning. Basically what happened was that I requested time off to visit family when I first got this job. I didn’t get the seven days I requested but I did get five days off. I ended up having to pay $125 to change my flights that I had scheduled before I got the job. Here’s where it gets tricky: I was scheduled to work the day my new flight left, but I had thought I had the morning shift (the flight left around 9pm.) Turns out I actually had the night shift which is 3pm to 11pm. I found this out two days before my flight.
This was, of course, my fault. I should’ve scheduled my flight the next day but just assumed I would be given the morning shift. In my defense, I had only had morning shifts before then and that day was the first time my manager ever put me on an evening shift. Anyway, mistakes happen. What I should’ve done is immediately called my manager and explained my situation to her. We could’ve gotten something worked out or at the very least, she would’ve known I wasn’t going to come it. However, my anxiety got the best of me and I ended up worrying and worrying and worrying until the day came, I didn’t call, didn’t show up for work, and just got on the plane.
When I got back five days later and showed up to work, I was informed that I was fired. Having NEVER been in any kind of trouble at all at a job before, I went home, cried, wallowed in self pity for a while, then remembered the whole thing was my fault and got a new job two days later (at their rival company.)
Everything above was all my fault, and that’s not what I’m asking about.
Anyway, it’s been about a week and I was just looking over my old employee handbook and it says, word for word, “if an employee “no calls-no shows” two consecutive days the employee will be subject to termination.” TWO days. TWO. I no called no showed ONE day. I have half a mind to just highlight that portion of the handbook and send a picture of it to my old manager. WIBTA if I did that? The job is over and terminated and I don’t want it back. It’s just me being petty. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
YMvkOLxQLbUxcvMPC0WGdulPgKKbh767 | b1dh7o | {
"description": "being upset that my girlfriend finds it difficult to see me and hasn't told her parents about us after being together for 14 months",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being upset that my girlfriend finds it difficult to see me and hasn’t told her parents about us after being together for 14 months? | Long story but I’ll be brief.
I’ve been with my girlfriend for 14 months now and she still hasn’t told her parents about us. She’s 25 and works as a doctor so her schedule is pretty hectic and she finds it hard to make time for me. Any free time she has she usually spends it with her family or her flatmate. Sometimes she can have 3 or 4 days off per week and can’t see me because she’s spending time with her family.
We don’t live far apart (5 miles) and her parents live round the corner from me (which I find even stranger that she hasn’t told them about me as I sometimes pass them a few times a week).
We still haven’t had sex yet either (she says there’s a reason for this but won’t tell me what it is - I assume it’s something bad based on a couple of things she’s said but I’m not sure). She’s definitely not a virgin though and has had more than one partner before.
It was my birthday a few months ago and I said that I didn’t want a present but she insisted on getting me one and suggested us going on a holiday and even though she’s had time off, she doesn’t want to talk about planning it but she keeps saying that she’s interested in going with me.
Whenever I bring this up to her, she says that she’s busy with work and feels that we see each other a decent amount and that her family are very important to her (which I completely get and admire) but I just don’t see why she can’t tell them about me and see them during the day (when she’s off) and then see me in the evening.
So, am I the asshole here or are some of my feelings justified?
Thanks for any answers (even if they are blunt and honest). | HISTORICAL | {
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 9,
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} | RIGHT |
f1OS9DbOiigTDrgYDBJS6aGjrJdxoZoy | ael6bd | {
"description": "criticizing gf",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for criticizing gf? | (Throwaway account cuz internet)
My gf got accepted to this internship, but they placed her in a bad neighborhood which she doesnt want. So she emailed them back. Using phrases like “ this location is a bit inconvenient for me” and “ i hope you can make this work”. I told her that if i got this email i would get triggered at the person sending it. And that she made it sound like she was entitled. I also told her “ i thought u knew how to write a good email” which right now sounds like an asshole thing to say, which I’ll admit.
She told me she wasn’t gonna hear it from me too. And that her teachers already confronted her about it and explained it to her why it was a bad email and she doesnt want me bashing her. After that she said things like not deserving to work, and just accepting it. I apologized and told her im not bashing her. I also told her that I thought she didn’t understand what was wrong with the email so i was pointing out the things that sounded bad. I told her she deserved the internship and apologized for criticizing her.
Lastly she said “ I can’t take little criticism” to which i responded “ye ik lol you gotta learn”. Now i thought there was no tension so was just saying “lol”. After which she said shes not hearing it and to leave her alone.
Tldr: Criticized the way gf wrote an email. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
ppoyA8saImSYYmGEzc7B1CvHEZr6C8XM | b0zyc7 | {
"description": "not taking my sister's side in her break up",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not taking my sister’s side in her break up? | My sister has been dating this guy for a year. He’s a really good friend of mine since school and I’m currently in a relationship with his cousin so we’re all pretty close.
My sister lives in a different town and they’ve been in a long distance relationship from the start. I had noticed an imbalance in the relationship from the start but didn’t say anything because they looked happy. But he basically gave everything to her, he was the most thoughtful, affectionate, loving and supportive boyfriend I’ve ever seen.
He helped her with everything from work projects to uni applications, he tried to get a job in her town, but she moved to another one. She claims she loves him but she’s not grateful for any of this, she never did anything for him, never made an effort to come and see him.
Lately she’d been barely answering his texts, she told me once she was annoyed with him calling her when she was busy. I told her not to get pissed, he had so many qualities etc etc.
A few weeks ago he came to me crying and told me he had had enough, that he feels unloved and rejected but she still says she loves him and wants to keep him around.
I tried not to take a side but it was hard not to see how much she was hurting him. I told him to talk to her and give her a chance to make an effort, but if she won’t then he has to let go.
He talked to her, but nothing changed over the next few days. I tried to call her and talk to her but she kept telling me she was busy and would call back but never did. So I told him that honestly she’s my sister and I love her but she’s not treating him right and if he’s unhappy then he shoud leave. I stayed with him for hours, telling him he deserved someone who would appreciate his efforts, and that her priorities don’t seem to include him.
He ended up breaking it off with her and she called me the next day telling me she was sad but it was the right decision. I feel terrible for having triggered the break up and having caused her pain. I feel terrible for having taken his side and not hers. She doesn’t know that I was a part of him taking this decision and I don’t know if I should tell her.
What do you think? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
dZ297N4cQRBEiKcklObZvtNS9ot6SMT5 | aqv3v2 | {
"description": "not stopping a game for my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for not stopping a game for my girlfriend (F17)? | AITA for not stopping a game for my girlfriend (F17)?
&#x200B;
So basically what happened is yesterday was obviously valentines day, and as I do not live close to my girlfriend I decided to get some flowers and chocolate delivered to her house.
I noticed that she was a bit bummed out throughout the day which was understandable as she hadn't received the gift yet. (Bearing in mind we had decided to celebrate it next week, but I decided to surprise her with the gifts on the day)
&#x200B;
So we were snapchatting through the day and I was trying to cheer her up while not revealing that I had got her the gifts. I said to her that this evening we could use Netflix Party to watch a movie together as a "date"
&#x200B;
The evening comes around and the presents had not arrived. I told the delivery people to leave the flowers in the porch as I planned to facetime her and tell her to go outside. So when I got home I was playing a game with my friends which I don't get to talk to very often due to our schedules. I had the tracking website open and was refreshing it.
In the game we were playing I died and had 10 minutes to wait, I saw then that the flowers had arrived.
As I assumed they were on the porch and my girlfriend didnt know and was feeling bad about the day I decided to mute myself on discord and facetime her to tell her to go outside.
&#x200B;
I facetimed her and then she said that she had them already as the delivery guy knocked on the door. She thanked me and we talked for 5-10 mins before I asked if its alright if I finish up what I was doing and then call her back in a bit. She said yes although sounded a bit down. I said goodbye and hanged up
&#x200B;
around 20-30 mins later I try to call her again and she didn't pick up, I sent her a message on snapchat to let her know that I tried to call, she said she saw the call but she didn't call back, and that she needed to cook dinner in a bit. I was understanding and didnt kick up any fuss about it as at that point I didnt realise there was something wrong.
&#x200B;
I waited for around 2 hours before she messaged me again saying she was upset that I didnt talk to her and that we didnt get to do our planned "date", I called her and she was upset and angry and we argued about it for a bit.
&#x200B;
I apologized but also said that I dont think the reason we didn't get to watch something together was because I was gone for 20mins but because she was away for nearly two hours and then got angry at me.
&#x200B;
This morning she is still upset and I feel very bad but am unsure if I am in the wrong or not
&#x200B;
So reddit aita?
&#x200B;
&#x200B;
&#x200B;
&#x200B;
&#x200B; | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
wtrBWKUeuG4gDeSfsFM4xk6pEDUpqvIT | abs90v | {
"description": "being fascinated with mentally handicapped/disabled, foremost the ones that stick their tongues in the bottom lip and make the nnurrr noise",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for being fascinated with mentally handicapped/disabled, foremost the ones that stick their tongues in the bottom lip and make the nnurrr noise. | Throwaway account because peeps know the real me. Anyway yeah for a long time I’ve been fascinated with those who have a mental disability and make the constant murmurs and facial expressions, most notably the tongue in the bottom of the lip.
At this point let me make it clear that I have absolutely nothing against them nor do I feel any kind of... well, anything for them to be honest. I don’t feel like, sorry for them, nor do I feel like they should be treated differently in a derogatory way or anything like that. Put shortly, I couldn’t care less, wish them the best and would leave them to live their lives as I live mine.
However.
Whenever I see one on say, the bus or at the cinema or something, I tend to stare at them, without realising that I am. I’ve caught myself doing this several times and thus brings me to my asking of /r AmItheAsshole’s judgment of me.
I was standing at a bus stop with my girlfriend, and there were some mentally disabled people in a group with their carers on the other side of the road at the opposite bus stop. One in particular caught my eye, because he was wearing a bright yellow rain coat with a cat umbrella and I stood there, staring at him. He began smiling at me and making the same face I described at the beginning, the one where you push your tongue into your bottom lip and make a nurrr nurrr noise. He began drooling as well.
The carer caught him, then wondered what he was getting so excited at and then looked across the road at me. The carer then threw a face of horror and I wondered why.
My girlfriend nudged me very hard on the arm and asked me what I was doing. “NOTHING!” I said, suddenly feeling like I had done something wrong.
What she then told me was horrifying.
I had apparently began to imitate the disabled guy, pushing my tongue into my bottom lip and making the nurr nurr noise. She was absolutely livid and told me to stop being such a dick.
Here’s the thing. I literally had NO clue I started doing it or for how long. So now I’m a bit conflicted. I didn’t even -know- I was doing that and so does that make me some kind of low-key asshole?
TLDR: Was **unknowingly** making faces back at a kid with a mental disability while thinking about other things, girlfriend thinks I’m a dick.
Nb: if at any point during reading this you’ve made the same tongue-in-bottom-lip face or made a nurr nurr noise then you know where I’m coming from | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
MxLTeBHRB1wletqHSRz18edREbTBtTw1 | anzn46 | {
"description": "hating a kid who is \"better\" than everyone",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for hating a kid who is "better" than everyone | (Sorry for any mistakes and formating im new to Reddit and using a phone)
So this kid (who we will call John, its not his name) has thought he is better than everyone ever since grade school and if he's not, he strives to be better than them and call them dumb for not knowing. My friends and I sit at a table at school in the morning to talk.
So I have a fascination for World War 2 and people at my school know that. John found out and looked up basic facts and one fact that is very unimportant. So the next day he comes and sits down at the table uninvited and I think oh god and he says to me "Did you know that the Wehrmacht and the US fought on the same side?" And I said "No" since I didn't know that and the day went on. The next day he sits down here again and says "What happened on December 7th 1941?" I said "Pearl Harbour, you know I know this stuff" and he was shocked, I also told him that I collect this stuff and he had the nerve to say "Knowledge is better than collection." I was in shock that he said this, my other friends were around and in shock too my friend tells him "Just because you looked up a few facts doesnt make you a master at this." John replied back saying "I have mastered the Revolutionary War, the Civil War, World War 1, World War 2, and the Cold War" I was pissed that he said this, but brushed it off because he was most likely lying. He was know for this kind of stuff. Today he says to me "Did you know that Operation Barbarossa happened on September 1st 1941?" I gave him a confused look and said " Do you mean the invasion of Poland in 1939?" He says "NO, I mean Operation Barbarossa" I said "Sure" and I knew he was wrong, but for some reason my brain just said yeah, so tomorrow I have a million questions for him to test his "superior knowledge" in the subject I just so happen to like and that I excell in.
AITA
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
IODFxYxtcyeAZESNO7TNv58eGzPMSKiJ | a7jvr7 | {
"description": "sleeping with a girl (I've been with a few times before) when she's been snapchatting my friend in between",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for sleeping with a girl (I've been with a few times before) when she's been snapchatting my friend in between? | In the past year I've been with this girl a few times at the end of a big night of drinking. It's been a friends with benifits thing, nothing serious. But between the last time I was with her (maybe 6 months max?) she and my friend have been snapchatting/msging each other. So I know there was something goin on.
Anyway, last night had a few beers in celebration of a event we had and by the end of the night she was dragging me to bed.
I didnt think much of it considering I'd done it before, but after waking up this morning I feel guilty/regretful. Not sure I should feel this way?
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | INFO | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
MLC2Y6nuTAxgZBGIPUiDQDQ4mJsXbYW9 | adc03y | {
"description": "not supporting my cousins impending marriage",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for not supporting my cousins impending marriage | Yesterday my cousin, who is barely over 19 and a freshman in college got engaged.
Of course the family is thrilled, she’s the first to get engaged in about 10 years.
I’m not thrilled, in fact I voiced my disappointment to my grandmother who feigned shock I would be upset.
I’m 23, therefore I’m not aching to get married but I have been in my relationship for about 3 years so I know my time is coming so I was a tad thrown off. Now I will admit I am a little annoyed that she was proposed to at Disney as she openly hates Disney and well I’m a huge Disney fan who has been vocal about my desire to get engaged there.
My issue is with the fact that everyone seemed ok with it. She has never worked a day in her life, last year was dramatic as her now fiancé went off to college and cheated on her, he doesn’t work either and she can barely survive a week in her dorm alone. I just don’t think they’re mature enough for marriage.
It would be one thing if they’re going to have a long engagement but they’ve set a date for this December because our family will be visiting for a reunion.
She’s already discussing deferring from college to plan her wedding and the first thing they asked was “Hey frankinthecoil when can you head down to Florida and help her design the dress?” I used to run a bridal shop which people thought made me sad because I wasn’t engaged (really it made annoyed people acted that way shopping)
I just can’t sit there and support her in what will end in a messy ending.
I’m not going to scream in her face “YOU ARE SO DUMB” because she’s 19 and she is free to make her own decisions but I refuse to participate.
I was asked to be a bridesmaid and I declined.
I have declined to help her shop for a dress.
I don’t want to go to the wedding because I just can’t support a 19 year old who is scared to walk near a busy road, won’t drive on the turnpike, can’t cook for herself and plans to just move her and her husband into her parents home after the marriage. I think it’s stupid.
Am it the asshole for not wanting to take part in this? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
AXRft3UnEhmXP59MBIWXTrjVNvh9yB8A | a7xx7d | {
"description": "wanting to visit my grandma on Christmas",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for wanting to visit my grandma on Christmas? | I (M17) am only able to visit my grandma once a year on Christmas with my mother and brother, she lives 4 hours away and we usually dont have time to go visit her, because of school, work etc. So it became a tradition to at least visit her every year for Christmas, All my other grandparents are already dead and she was always the most caring and nice and I really really love her. I told my girlfriend that I would be gone over Christmas to visit my Grandma and thought that this wouldn't be a big deal and compleatly understandable, especially because we have to live in the constant fear that there wont be a next time to visit her because she is already pretty old. Today she became a bit angry over something really trivial and in the process of sorting that problem out the topic with Christmas came up again and she asked me if I really HAVE to go. I said of course I have to go for obvious reasons. She pressured me by saying stuff like, "would you forgive yourself if I hurt myself while you are gone?" or after I said that im always there for her no matter the situation "no you are not always there for me" even though I would answer her messages and calls as fast as possible. In our relationship im always the one who yields in the end so I did now as well and said that I would talk to my mother about Christmas even though im extremely unhappy with that solution. She is really depended on me and nearly doesnt have anyone else that could help her if she is depressed. So Am I the asshole for wanting to go, even though my girlfriend would need me? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
sywqZswr2l8sDZnbLhnzo0t0BzyCxz9c | acmd6d | {
"description": "wanting to kick seven shades of shit out of my brother in law for creating a YouTube channel for my 6&7 year old daughters",
"pronormative_score": 56,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for wanting to kick seven shades of shit out of my brother in law for creating a YouTube channel for my 6&7 year old daughters? | My 6&7yo daughter's are starstruck with YouTube personalities and want to imitate their idols (JoJo Siwa, Tiana etc). The last year or so have been a battle of wits, the kids begging for their own YouTube channel so they can imitate their idols, myself and partners constantly trying to find creative ways to tell them "no".
A few days ago they return from visiting the In-laws with the news "Dad! Guess what! We have our own YouTube channel!".
Brother-in-law and his wife went over our (myself and partners) heads and not only helped them create their own channel, but filmed them and uploaded videos to their newly created non-private channel, which neither myself nor partner have any control over. There's nothing dodgy with the content, just the kids talking gibberish in the grotty, poorly lit spare bedroom at their grandparents place.
I'm still fucking livid and haven't yet had a chance to confront Uncle, since he fucked off on holiday the following morning. My partner initially shared my anger at him but has since calmed down and thinks I should just let it all slide since nothing bad has come of it so far.
Am I the Asshole for wanting to confront him as soon as he get back from his holiday and demand to know what the fuck he thought he was doing with filming our children and managing "their" YouTube channel? Pardon the overly dramatic "kick seven shades of shit out of him" flex in the title, I'm absolutely not planning on threating him with violence, just letting him know how much I think he's overstepped his mark as "fun-uncle" and putting it in no uncertain terms that if he ever pulls this shit again he's getting cut off completely.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 53,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 3
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 56,
"WRONG": 9
} | RIGHT |
Ar401wGHm2N104RfGOBevyxO1PfZgnQY | a8k9yy | {
"description": "breaking all contact with my in-laws",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for breaking all contact with my in-laws? | This is something I've thought about a lot over the last few years, and I'd like to get some outside perspective. I'll fully grant that I'm not objective here, but I'm not embellishing anything that I mention here.
My wife's parents aren't good people. They do a lot of things which I very much agree with, including espousing their Argentine racism toward other Latinos . . . and black people . . . and Asian people (MIL was okay with wife marying me because I didn't "look Asian," even though I'm half). Beyond that, there are a few big things which bother me.
* MIL was both physically and emotionally abusive throughout my wife's entire childhood, adolescence, and even into her young adult years. The physical abuse was never "bad," but the emotional abuse absolutely was. FIL wasn't abusive, but enabled MIL and never made her stop.
* My wife had severe endometriosis growing up, to the point where we had to get her a hysterectomy in her mid-twenties. In-laws severely disapproved of this because wife's job was, of course, to make babies, so they removed wife from their insurance plan (she was still young enough to be covered at that point) and refused to acknowledge that the surgery was happening.
* In-laws, particularly FIL, "doesn't believe in" mental illnesses and didn't any of their children, including wife, treated growing up. Including after future wife had a suicide attempt--MIL told her that she needed to cover up the cuts and come to church the day afterward because she was being an embarrassment.
* MIL kicked future wife out the of the house when she was 14 or so during winter. Future wife went to a neighbor's house, crying, and explained what happened. MIL came to pick her up, then punished her because she was embarrassed that the neighbors found out what happened.
* In-laws are wealthy. Easily in the 1% here in the US. They are very generous to all of their children *except* for my wife. Her two brothers got a free condo for college, a car each, tuition paid for, and grocery money. Future wife got a $3,000 loan cover part of tuition. I honestly don't care about not receiving money, but I *do* care about my wife being a black sheep.
* Wife says that her relationship with her parents has gotten much better, which is true, but better looks like only crying after getting off the phone about 20% of the time rather than almost all the time.
My wife wants to preserve her relationship with her parents and try to mend it since it *has* gotten better. After they dropped her from their insurance prior to her hysterectomy, however, I went full no contact with them. I explained in no uncertain terms that I never want to see them, talk to them, and that they will never be welcome in my house. The thing is, that was almost four years ago. My wife doesn't understand why I'm so upset at them, nor why I'm so adamant that I want them out of my life forever. I also feel like I might be the asshole here for not being willing to be with her when she does interact with her parents.
And all of this isn't to say that my in-laws don't have any good qualities . . . I just think they're pretty far outweighed by their negative and abusive ones. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
YYfQzv2n4aPkcjZNt7nWXMq2iso3Upix | aqkrlw | {
"description": "not getting my s/o a Valentine's Day Gift",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA For not getting my S/O a Valentine’s Day Gift? | Today is Valentine’s Day and my 10-month anniversary with my S/O. On February 7th my mother passed away after a two-year battle with cancer. We buried her on Monday (February 11th) on the days following I’ve been grieving and getting her financials in order. Contacting creditors and closing accounts. Yesterday, my S/O asked if I had bought her anything for Valentine’s Day and when I responded, “No” she was visibly disappointed. She says I could’ve at least gone to the store and picked up something and how it was a significant holiday as it is our first Valentine’s Day together. She didn't get me anything, but am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 17,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 20,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
08AsOStRVx2iu2hr4RlOdhhA1oI3L0yF | ba1wa8 | {
"description": "not wanting children with autism",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for not wanting children with autism? | Me (25f) and my fiancé (26m) we’re talking about having kids. I told him that, because of the heavy line of autism in my family (2 of my sisters, my mom, grandma, nephew, and cousin have high functioning autism) I don’t want to have kids with my genes, I’m okay with adoption or trying to figure out a surrogate type situation, but, I refuse to have any of my dna in that child. I don’t think it’s fair to put a kid through that since I know it’s very likely.
My fiancé said I was being heartless, he said he wants to have kids that share genes with both of us.
I don’t think I’m being selfish here.
We are both very stubborn people, I wanted to ask you guys what you think? AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 14,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 19,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
KX5fQiTlFCE602FCGy2ysXCEykU3j4Fd | avg0yl | {
"description": "fighting against a guy requesting vacation",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for fighting against a guy requesting vacation? | Sorry for formating issues on mobile. So here is the set up. We work for a company that let's us request days off and if those days are requested off by more than one employee the employee with seniority gets the days. But all days must be requested before March 1st for seniority to count anything after that is first come first served. So here is the asshole part. The senior man in our department has been out on workmans comp since November due to a self inflicted injury(he tripped over his own 2 feet and fell on his shoulder resulting in a torn muscle and needing surgery). He is the senior member in our department that has 5 weeks of vacation every year. He has not been cleared for duty as of yet and probably will not be cleared until well into next month thus missing the deadline to use his seniority for his pick of vacation days. Every year he takes the week of Thanksgiving until the end of the year. Since our department only allows one person off at a time he screws the rest of us. As a department we have talked with him about maybe letting some of the rest of us take some of those days like you take Christmas and I'll take Thanksgiving that sort of thing. We are repeatedly met with "I've been here 30 years I'll take what I want". The thing is the rest of us have little kids and would like to spend time with them during the holidays and his kids are grown and gone. He takes the time to maximize his time off and money earned and out of spite. So this year he is out and will miss the deadline for putting in his vacation so the department divvied up the days and put in our time for the holidays. The guy that is out has been calling management trying to put in his time before the deadline and they are on the fence about letting him. So I guess I'm asking am I the asshole for pushing back with management, getting our union involved, filling greavences, and generally taking a stand that since he isn't working they shouldn't let him block out days for vacation, since he may or may not return to work? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
8V9EiFQLs70R9iTV4szasXJ3ndwl4M53 | auixlo | null | AITA fir not wanting to get the same haircut as my daughter to make her feel better. | So, my 14yo daughter's hair was very damaged. This was a result of her not taking proper care of her hair. On top of that she even has lice from somewhere.
So I had no other option but to get her hair cut short into a short pixie cut. I know it sucks and she hates it but there is nothing much I can do about that. But she's pretty depressed and not talking to any of us. My husband thinks that I should get the same haircut as my daughter got to make her feel better. I refused and they think I'm an asshole. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 22,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 22
} | WRONG |
PecgZT4cIqGpfF4wn53InmbcjLrIsthn | b0vaiu | {
"description": "lifting my sister out of my room",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for lifting my sister out of my room | So I had just got back from the gym and was playing some overwatch and I had just finished some comp and was about to wash up and go to sleep when my older sister comes in the doorway visibly angry and tells me to go take out the trash. I calmly reply and say give me 2 seconds(I was trying to say goodbye and shut everything down) she says I don’t care what you’re doing go take out the trash, so I repeat in a calm voice, give me 2 seconds. We start going back and forth getting louder and louder until she decides to come in the room and smack my headphones off of my head, I then tell her in a loud but firm voice to get out while holding her biceps and lifting her out (she’s pretty small while I’m pretty big). Am I the asshole for putting my hands on my 20 year old sister (I’m 16). | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
JASKryvTZIpWje0uySxRC1uv6R8fyUSk | ajse5g | {
"description": "not checking up on grieving friend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not checking up on grieving friend? | A friend of mine recently lost her mother and when they first announced their death I sent them a message apologising for hearing the news and saying I'm always there for them if they need a talk.
She recently was at a family birthday party for the deceased and I didnt send a message checking up on them and its really been getting to me. I noticed but didnt want to send a message at the time as I thought it might of reminded them of the death rather than the happy times of the birthday party.. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
fk9OInqcgaVM5DB281EwquXk1BavO77k | awd5jl | {
"description": "calling cps on my friend's father",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for calling CPS on my friend’s father? | AITA? So a friend of mine opened up to me about abuse she suffered while living with her father. To be as delicate as I can talking about this issue, I will simply say He repeatedly offended and groomed her her whole life and ended up hurting her badly many times. she graduated early just to get out of his home.My friend has a younger sister though, whose 16. My friend stated that she didn’t think her dad was abusing her younger sister, (despite what I consider to be very telling signs of abuse, and a near admission to it.)
So last night I finally called CPS on the family. I knew the mom wasn’t going to do anything about the father so I intervened. I’m just worried about my friend finding out it was me who called CPS. She doesn’t want her dad to go to jail, and she’s afraid that if she says anything about her traumatic childhood and they call the police, her family will hate her. I don’t want to ruin her relationship with her mom and siblings, but there is still a minor in that house and I’m not sure if she is being abused right now. I’m pretty young, my friend is 17 and I’m 19. I am afraid that my impulsively may have effected the outcome of my friend’s life negatively after she’s already had to deal with so much. But I couldn’t sleep at night thinking that her father may be doing something to her sister. I feel like I may have meddled in a situation far bigger than me and acted immaturely without thinking over consequences. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
6BshDAsGzvysYa96bE1R2FgLpGBJdLR4 | ax4tbt | {
"description": "wanting to break up with my boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA if i wanna break up with my boyfriend? | I've (29f) been with him (32m) for 10 years since college. And because of a misunderstanding he thought I'm a spoiled shallow brat. We talked it over and I guess it's fine now. But I just can't believe he would think that way after so many years. Am I the jerk for wanting to leave him? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 5
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
2ey4yxxOtyYbzxisupOcQdvuHrh4zXwv | aiw4bp | {
"description": "disagreeing with my gf's view on differences between men and women in athletics",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for disagreeing with my gf's view on differences between men and women in athletics | So for some context, this disagreement started probably about 6 months ago. We were talking about fist fights because we had just seen a video on Facebook of a pretty brutal fight. I tell her about how I am pretty decent at fighting since my older brother and I used to have a lot of them when we were younger for various reasons (practice and actual fights). She then asks me if I think that a girl could beat me up for some reason. I was initially a bit confused as to why she excluded men, and I ask her why she asked me that before answering. She then goes on to say she thinks her mom could beat me up! At the time I laugh uncontrollably because I think this is hilarious and that she is making a joke. I react this way because I'm a pretty big guy and I keep myself in good shape (22M 5'10'' 190lbs \~10%bf) and her mom is in her 50s and probably sitting round 200, as far as I can tell not in the greatest physical health. I finish my little episode and I could tell she was not amused. I mean I'm not saying I would ever even fight a 50 year old man or woman anyway but it is a little funny to me. After this awkward bit of silence we just move on with the night and I think everything is just fine.
Fast Forward to this weekend and the topic of male vs female athletics is brought up again. We have this 2 hour "debate" on whether males and females are on an even playing field in terms of athletics. I put debate in quotations because it is not a debate, and the facts are clearly visible to everyone or so I thought. She then claims that I look down on all women because I say they aren't as physically capable as men in general, which is just blatantly untrue. I ask her to back up this audacious claim and she brings up the incident from 6 months ago, which I think is pretty ridiculous. Last I spoke with her she called me a woman hating asshole. I do admit I may not have delivered my points with supreme grace, however I don't think I am unjustified in my viewpoint. So AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
QyCtEqAWllHd2BIw4dvHMmmTlxYs68Ux | b8j1nd | null | AITA Is it wrong to eat the snacks even if i always replace it? | This is not really a serious thing so not sure if it belongs here but here goes.
My brothers and i love the same snacks/chips and we live next to a corner shop selling the precious. Because of this as well as loving (and no fucks giving) parents we have had a continuous supply of junk food all our lives. Now remember how i said we love the same snacks? well the thing is being the glutton i am i always eat any unopened chip packets i find. Now i want to emphasis that i always replace them, especially as the eldest im more likely than not to be the one who goes and who receives the joint snack money from our parents. But is it still being asshole-ish?. My brothers haven't ever said anything, we're cool.But i want to know if its cause they don't mind or cause they are used to it. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
6AedXvyjW6Ydt20a6aMjtGvkBna3Znmv | aq3icg | {
"description": "\"exposing\" my Manipulative Ex GF after a Huge falling out",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for “Exposing” my Manipulative Ex GF After a Huge Falling Out | Hey guys, this is my first post on this subreddit and my first post in this style so please excuse any format errors. I’ll put a TL;DR but it!s better to read the whole thing as it gives you every bit of Information. Sorry it’s really long but it’s all relevant.
TL;DR: On and off GF leads me on and uses me for two years and when I realize it I post our text conversations on Instagram to show our friends how shitty she is.
For some context, at the beginning of my Sophomore year of HS I became close friends with a girl (We’ll call her Sabrina for convenience) that I had on and off feelings for a while after getting into a relationship with one of her friends. Sabrina and I immediately hit it off and were “best friends” all through Sophomore year, she even talked me out of suicide on one occasion. Then eventually we both admit her had feelings for each other right before summer began and started dating.
Unfortunately for me, however, Sabrina informed me that she had huge commitment issues and anxiety, which wasn’t a big deal for me considering that I am usually a very understanding person. The relationship didn’t last long because over the summer she visits her father in a far away city, she starts ignoring me and says it’s because of her commitment issues and says that it should only be temporary (spoiler: It wasn’t). We broke up early in September and the reason she gave for it was that we weren’t talking and that she didn’t want a boyfriend because it would distract her from doing well in school. I didn’t take the breakup well but I was understanding of the situation because we were getting closer to going to college.
We stayed “friends” for a little while after that until late October of Junior year, when I found out that Sabrina had gotten back into a relationship with the ex-boyfriend she had before me, who also happened to be one of my good friends (Don’t worry there was no harsh feelings between the two of us for dating the same girl). So, I confront her about it, however I will admit I was a bit standoffish but only because I felt like I was lied to, especially because the breakup happened less than 2 months prior to this event and she told me she didn’t want to be in a relationship so she could put 100% of her attention into school. We fight and don’t talk for a couple months.
Then New Year’s comes around and I decide to make amends with Sabrina as I wanted to have a fresh start with everyone I had wronged the past year. We both talk that night and it was like nothing had ever happened between the two of us, we went back being “best friends” again. We hang out a few times and I start to feel myself catch strong feelings for her again but I just ignore them and continue on just being friends with her, even though she was also single again. We progress through the year just fine, talking as we normally would. We even hung out with each other a few times and on one of those occasions she kissed me but it ultimately led to nothing.
Now we’re approaching the end of Junior year, and prom was just around the corner, so naturally I ask Sabrina to come with me (as I did not have a GF to take with me at the time) but a few weeks later I meet another girl and we start dating, I did tell this girl about Sabrina and of course she had her suspicions, with her being my ex and all. I also tell Sabrina about my new girlfriend and she’s completely cool with still going to prom with me. Then about a week before my prom I was planning on spending a Friday night with my girlfriend, but then in comes Sabrina asking a huge favor of me. She asks me to go with her friend to her school’s prom, but it’s on the night my girlfriend and I had planned. I go to my girlfriend and explain the situation and ask if I can go and she gives me the “yeah you can do it, it’s totally fine” response women give when they’re upset but don’t want to outright tell you, some being the oblivious dumbass I am commit to going to prom with her and her friend. As a result of this, my new girlfriend and I break up temporarily as her and my friends both attempted to crash Sabrina’s prom.
Now that I was once again single, Sabrina and I started getting a little more friendly at my prom, nothing too serious, just things like holding hands. After prom that was as far as we had progressed, we just remained friends. School gets out, I get back together with the other girl, and Sabrina and I continue to talk all throughout the summer, except this time she doesn’t go off the grid for weeks at a time, which I found very strange, despite her being in her dad’s town again for the summer, but I paid no mind.
One day in the summer, I post a picture of myself at a concert I went to on my Instagram page and Sabrina post’s something some might consider “thirsty” and my girlfriend took serious exception to that, and it ultimately led to our second and final split. That’s when Sabrina and I really started talking again, we would both hype each other’s pictures up, we would talk for ours at a time, play games together over Skype until 4 am, and a bunch of other things.
In mid August, when she returns home, we decide we want to hangout for the first time in a long time. We have a great time at the mall and movies and the night went by way too fast. Then a few weeks go by and she invites me out to a party for one of her friends’ birthday at the beach, and since at this point I’m crushing hard, I agree without a second thought. That entire day consisted of us either talking in my car, laying on the beach, or with her nuzzled up next to me on the couch while all of us are watching movies. This is the night I realized I was falling in love with her yet again (big mistake). We ended the night with a long conversation outside her house (In which she hinted at the fact that she wanted me to make the first move) and a long embrace and left it at that.
The very next weekend I invite her over to my house to hangout and watch movies and that went as well as that can go. I drive her home, walk her to the door and, with much convincing from her friend earlier that day, I kiss her, and she kisses me back. We both confess our feelings and both of us left with giant smiles on our faces. School begins once again, her and I were seemingly as happy as could be, spending as much free time as we had with each other. We even got a chance to celebrate my birthday together, which made me exceptionally happy as this was the first time I’d had someone who wasn’t family celebrate my birthday. We then began planning a Halloween/ Birthday party for her, and we invited a lot of our mutual friends and we were very excited for that. We also were getting ready to go to a huge music festival in a city not too far from us and we had been planning it since the previous spring. I thought that life couldn’t get any better, until only two weeks later she comes to me telling me that her anxiety and commitment issues were once again getting to her, and she tells me, in a very respectful and optimistic way, that she wants to take a break and reconnect as friends so that she can calm down her anxiety so we can have a healthy relationship. I completely understood but I was still afraid that the same thing that happened last time would happen again and I let her know that I was worried that my tendency to overthink things would eat away at me. She offered to be there for any questions I had and for reassurance that she wasn’t going to disappear again. So for the time being my emotions were under control
At first, everything was just fine, we were still talking, although it was substantially less than we would before and we stopped seeing each other, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt. Slowly but surely our interactions get shorter and shorter and fewer and farther between. This is where my big mistakes begin, I let all these worries build up because I continued to give her the benefit of the doubt because I thought she could potentially be busy, with school and planning the party. Now, the weekend of the festival is upon us. I ask her if she’s excited for it the day before we were supposed to leave and she tells me, “Oh, I’m not going I sold my ticket” so it ended up being just her friend and I at the festival. While I had a ton of fun going you can only imagine the disappointment after we had planned this trip for months and having her back out at the literal last second. When I get back from the festival I unloaded weeks worth of worries onto her. To her credit, she answered all of my questions and calmed me down temporarily and ensured me that things were going to get better once the day of the party passes. I let that sink in and I have a positive outlook for a while, then the day of the party comes around. Up to that point, our conversations had numbered almost none. Despite this, I’m excited for the party because I really wanted to spend time with her so I went into the party optimistically, even though I am not at all a party person. I get there and I greet her friends that were waiting in front that got there before me. When I got inside I was looking around for her but I was I formed by her friend that she was still getting dressed, so I wait patiently. She gets down and greets everyone generally, and I was hoping she would come and say hi to me personally, but she didn’t and that’s kinda when my night went downhill. The party starts not too long after that, and my anxiety immediately flares up and I’m confined to the wall in the kitchen with all the other people that didn’t like dancing and being in a crowd. Now I stayed like that for a majority of the night, I actually had a bit of fun with the other wallflowers that were with me, but S | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
egLRXuh5Z7FMcaEoURTWOudRbA4G4duu | a7vy6c | {
"description": "cutting this person off",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for cutting this person off? | In short, I am a cisgendered woman and although my childhood was nothing short of traditional, I had the opportunity to have a non-traditional education and met tons of non-traditional people. I've been able to venture out past the redundancy of my ethnic enclave and it's been monumental in shaping my own personal views.
Recently, I've been talking to this guy and everything has been going smooth for the few months that we've been talking... until early this morning when he jokingly commented 'he's attractive' under a transgendered woman's post. I like to think I'm very tolerant, but I'm very no-nonsense about personal attacks or 'jokes' like that and this person knows this. It has never come up before but I was just so surprised by this. When I confronted them, they just casually mentioned that they have a transgendered friend who is some type of sex worker. He told me I obviously care about this more than he does but we have left it at that. I've literally have had friends who have been attacked and have lost their lives for their identity, and I would be extremely uncomfortable bringing a romantic partner with those views around my friends. I want to just unfriend and unfollow but honestly, am I overreacting? Am I the asshole?
EDIT: Grammar
Update: a few days after I had stopped talking to him, he did apologise but honestly that didn't satisfy me. Fast forward to today, he has willingly signed up for an all-day mental health first aid course with me. The best apology is changed behaviour so I'm glad things worked out. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
GBLFJfBtOtjI2ykuTVdUFYUIArnsqKGt | ar5mbf | {
"description": "checking my girlfriend's phone while she was out with no ill intent but stumbling upon several text threads with other men planning nights out to cheat on me",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 15
} | AITA for checking my girlfriend's phone while she was out with no ill intent but stumbling upon several text threads with other men planning nights out to cheat on me? | Long story short. I come home and my live-in gf is gone. But her phone is on the bed, so I assume she went on a run. Nothing out of the ordinary. I have *never* done this before but something struck me to unlock her phone with her passcode (we use each other's phones all the time). I admit I crossed a line with mutual trust in each other by checking her text messages and I found more than 1 text thread with other men. These messages were sexual in nature, including dick pics being sent to her, and her actively engaging and suggesting that they will eventually make a "snuggle date".
When she gets back I ask her to explain. This turns quickly into "but how dare you go through my phone" kind of argument rather than a "you're sexting other men behind my back" argument.
AITA for checking her phone in the first place? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 17,
"EVERYBODY": 13,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 15
} | RIGHT |
LnXVwsPy2mMKcAan0g3L1pbFTvyIhmvt | b20ery | {
"description": "saying health issues aren't an excuse to be fat",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 22
} | AITA for saying health issues aren’t an excuse to be fat? | I have a friend who is very overweight, who has another friend who is also very overweight.
We were talking about weight and I expressed the dissatisfaction I’m experiencing after dealing with multiple ongoing health issues over the past few years. My friends friend (let’s call her “Jane”) jumped down my throat about how I could “eat more” and “if you’re fat what am I.” Jane then went on a long rant about how some people can’t help being fat, and how she’s only overweight because of her health issues.
So I said many people have health issues but still figure out ways to take care of themselves. She said she has hypothyroidism, so unlike me she doesn’t have energy to workout.I explained that I too also have hypothyroidism, and that in fact, I don’t even have a thyroid. But that I still manage what I ate even when I can’t go to the gym.
I also said that I understand you gain some weight dealing with thyroid issues but not enough to become morbidly obese. That it’s very rare to have a health problem that makes you gain enough weight to be THAT overweight, and hypothyroidism definitely isn’t one of them. At some point people have to acknowledge that some weight gained is their fault and not their disease. She started crying and told me I was fat shaming her, and my friend agreed.
She’s made a lot of comments in the past about my body, and has implied I have an eating disorder (I don’t, like at all). She always tells people I’m only skinny because I don’t eat. (Also a lie).
My friend is saying I should apologize to Jane but I stand by everything I said she’s been a passive aggressive bitch to me for too long.
I WILL apologize though if I’m in the wrong, so AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 15,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 22
} | WRONG |
mSdG0BlBgaw5dYcVhnfJ9aHrbalZxBuo | b8f7gw | {
"description": "not wanting my aunt at my hs graduation",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not wanting my aunt at my HS graduation? | This might be a long one, guys...
So, September 2018, my mother was involved in a fatal car accident. My father (Who never married my mother and had custody of me) and I were the first people called, as my aunt and older brother were unavailable. My aunt and I never were really close, I would only see her when she, her boyfriend, and my cousins came to my mom's house when I was there. We rarely, if at all talked over social media.
That night/morning at like 1AM, she messaged me 'Don't post it on facebook', I agreed because it was...a sensitive time for me. Plus, I don't really use social media, especially facebook. The next day, I'm online checking on how everyone is doing, and I see my aunt has posted about my mother. This definitely rubbed me the wrong way.
My mother left behind four younger siblings- the oldest 13, and the youngest 6. They couldn't live with their biological father for reasons I will not mention here (This is not my dad, my dad and their dad are different,) and seeing is my Aunt was the only next of kin, she decided to take my siblings in.
Things are hectic, but quiet for the next few months. We have a private memorial service where I see my aunt and siblings, everything seems okay.
Then, December rolls around. I plan a trip up to their house, which is two hours away from mine. We're driving my brother home and I ask, "Are you going to keep the kids?"
She says no.
Honestly? I was livid- but I understood.
My siblings' father was a horrible man; they watched him and learned from him. They're very difficult to deal with, to the point where my mother couldn't even find babysitters because they just caused so many problems. It's not their fault, they're just kids, but they are...hard to deal with (One of my siblings sliced another open with a boxcutter once).
Additionally, my Aunt already has a kid of her own, and she works third shift, AND her boyfriend was going to leave her if the kids stayed.
I was angry, but I understood the stress that was put on her.
I ask her to keep me updated, I message her every week or so, asking about the kids, I get vague responses.
And then, a few months later, I get a letter. It's from CPS. My siblings were being placed in foster care. My aunt didn't tell me, she didn't let me know, she didn't tell me where they were going and how I can contact them. I just got a copypaste letter telling me my siblings were placed in foster care.
And my aunt wants to come to my high school graduation. I only get four tickets.
She has never been in my life, she has never gone out of her way to message me until my mom's death, and she didn't tell me what was happening with my siblings. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
dat3HQbXNkjrM0nk3aHZCPcBlCHnK7Y3 | b03aqp | {
"description": "sleeping with a (much older) male friend I've previously come out as gay to? there is also a kinda-girlfriend in the picture",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA if I slept with a (much older) male friend I've previously come out as gay to? There is also a kinda-girlfriend in the picture (mine not his). | ME: 23, no sexual encounters to date, something like 90% sure I'm a lesbian, because all instances of sexual desire have to date been for... well, women. Not out to most of my family. Very sheltered very conservative-Christian upbringing, moving around the world a lot, bit weird, probably autistic, very naive but aware of it. Heavy repression and self-loathing issues around my orientation, but I'm mostly over that and doing great now. I'm in college now and learning most of the social getting-by hacks, but the intimate-relationship ones still elude me.
Other cast members are my friend Jeff, and my not-really-girlfriend Meg.
JEFF: 57, adjunct instructor at my college but in a different faculty. Definitely autistic. We're collaborating on a project, because I am good at what I do and he gives me space to get on and do it. We get along very well; I consider him my best friend, and I know I take up more of his downtime than pretty much anyone else. He's made comments in the past about being 'addicted' to me, and has said that this will never be 'more than friends' unless I want it to. I love him to bits in a platonic kinda way; he's a fantastic guy, very gentlemanly and kind and just good people. If I slip control even a little I know for certain that I could very easily fall head-over-heels in love with him, romantically at any rate. Jeff has been single for a few years now but has at least three exes, all of whom are exes because of personality clashes.
MEG: 18, we met when I lived in her country six years ago, kept in touch online. She's been kicked out of her parents' place because she came out to them as bi. Meg has DID. At least one of her personalities is very gay and very into the idea of us as a couple, talks about moving out here to be with me. I would love that. Meg is amazing, gorgeous, and talented in all the ways I'm not and I admire the hell out of her. She was abused as a kid and is not into the idea of having sex, ever, which I'm cool with, because it's not that big a deal for me and I like her, not her parts. At least six more of her personalities are not into me in that way for various reasons. I treat Meg-as-a-whole as a close friend or sister, and take my cues from whatever personality is in charge at any given time. Anything sexual with Meg is off the table because it would damage her, and I would cut off my own arm to avoid hurting her; I love this girl.
I'm pretty sure if I went to Jeff and said 'hey, fuck me, I wanna know what it's like', he'd check to make sure that was what I wanted, and then yes, he would. I've been lowkey curious for quite a while about hetero sex; everyone seems to enjoy it a lot and I want to know what I'm missing, even though I find the idea slightly repulsive. Same with oysters; they sound gross but everyone likes them and they're not that bad in real life.
TL;DR: WIBTA if I had sex with a guy who would definitely be into it, just out of curiosity on my part? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
6VBoRYV5WNIVNUXFfXYXyFj6FaxMWfiO | b83kf1 | {
"description": "getting on the bus awkwardly",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA getting on the bus awkwardly | I wasn’t sure how else to word it without explaining. I have autism, and my sensory issues means standing in large crowds is a rather unpleasant experience. I also hate catching buses. The bus was crowded today, with a huge line at the stop. Everyone was getting on the bus one way, so I stood beside the line slightly away, intending to get on last. I didn’t need a seat as my stop was only two stops away, and there were a number of old people with big bags, and lots of women with kids.
So I intended to wait by the side. As I was stood there, waving my friend off, this old woman gave me a dirty look and made a few comments about waiting your turn. I shrugged it off. Old people can be like that. I let everyone on, some people tried to let me on but I told them it was okay. I thought I was fine, until I get on and hear her moaning about me again. The old man she was with smiled at me, I think he felt bad, as it was one of Those smiles.
I don’t know. I can’t work out if I was the asshole in this situation. While looking back, I understand she could have seen it that way, but I’ve never received comment on it before, and no one else there had an issue. I wasn’t stood close enough for it to look like I was to barge in front of her, and I wasn’t stood impatiently either. I do it every time; it just makes life easier for everyone, those who need seats and people like me who don’t need a seat, is travelling alone and isn’t too far away. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
LFhDEIIJkClGTcovMD2pn0SLMfPAqKNU | b6yboy | {
"description": "going to prom with another girl",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for going to prom with another girl? | I’ve asked my girlfriend multiple times if she’d like to go to prom. But she’s seems to not want to go. Okay that’s fine with me, so now I’m thinking of just asking a friend to go with me. Am I the asshole ? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 6
} | INFO | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
yUzmwhbifmMUQRRak9bEChzFbbkMFHCV | ahhb5x | {
"description": "being upset with my husband for not wanting more children",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 12
} | AITA for being upset with my husband for not wanting more children | I've been with my husband for 5 years. I have two children 8 & 10 from a previous marriage, and he has three children 13, 11, 9. I am 33 and he is 37, and we have a pretty good relationship.
When we first started dating we both had said that we were happy with the kids we had, but no concrete opinions were ever voiced on the subject.
About a year and a half into our relationship, I told him I wanted to have a baby with him one day. We were still early in the relationship, and he was unemployed and attending college full time so I knew it wasn't happening anytime soon but I had wanted to lay it out there so he knew. He told me at that time "maybe, but not right now"
This is basically the same answer I received from him anytime I brought up the subject over the last few years ( I didn't bring it up very often) I assumed it was because we were both a little unsettled, and we weren't married.
Last year we got married, so about a week before the wedding I brought up the subject again and he basically told me no, it's never going to happen and to never bring it up again. I was pretty upset about it and angry for a long time. There was no discussion, no reasoning, just a big fat no. I would never force him into it.
I have since dropped the subject and things are pretty well back to normal for us but I am having a hard time moving on... I had imagined us adding an "us" baby to the mix for so long it's hard to let go of it.
Am I the asshole for being so upset over this?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 12
} | WRONG |
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