id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
nD47ebdkOZNXNIuECAS0ejotiTetmRFj | b2nn22 | null | AITA? Friend owed me money, I called him out on it. | So superbowl Sunday, me and 2 friends went to a bar for a viewing party. It was £20 per person. That included 2 drinks and a meal, but whatever not the point.
I booked for the 3 of us, paid for it on my card. Got the £20 back from both of them the next day. All is well. So Sunday rolls around and one of my friends say that he has a buddy that wants to tag along. He asks if I can add him to the booking, pay for him and he will get me that evening. Sure, I add him on no problem.
We all arrive that evening, have a good night, Patriots win so all is well. We are hanging out after the game and the friend of a friend says that he k ows he owes me £20 and he will just get me "a couple drinks" to even it out. As I don't know the guy I say no, I would prefer cash. He is fine with that. A few hours later he sneaks off and doesn't pay. But whatever I know my other buddy will sort that out. I ask him to get his friend to pay me or he can pay me himself. He is fine with paying me but doesn't actually pay me as he is waiting for payday. Fine with me, hes my friend and I don't really care too much at this point.
3 weeks later and still nothing. My buddy is now running a charity event at work that I am into for £20. I am the last to pay and he calls me out on the group chat asking for the money. I reply saying he can just take it from the money he owes me. He then messaged me saying how uncool that is and I kinda feel like a dick.
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
ZMHdSYFFi5vM1MRVSKvJ1Z0WDnHy4Hk9 | aslldr | {
"description": "ruining my mother's relationship with her boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 23,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for ruining my mother's relationship with her boyfriend? | My mum's boyfriend's behaviour towards me is strange and make me feel uncomfortable. For example:
\- At a restaurant he would pull out my chair for me even if i had already sat down at a different seat at the same table and insist that I sit at the seat he chose for me
\- Reach across the table and brush my hair out of my face while I was eating
\- Refuse to drive me home if I sat in the the back seat. I had to sit in the passenger seat next to him
\- While my mum and my siblings were away he invited me to go watch the moon outside. When I denied his request he stood outside my bedroom door and refused to leave and kept insisting that I go outside with him. Then he hugged me and stroked my hair while I tried to pull away kept asking me to go outside with him. Eventually I gave up and went outside with him where he asked me to go to the beach(???) with him even though it was the middle of the night and then he tried to stroke my face.
After the moon incident I've been trying to avoid him the best I can. When he speaks to me I ignore him and walk away. This makes him really angry and he has been complaining to my mum about how I treat him. My mum says I need learn to forgive people and that I'm being extremely disrespectful. She always asks me why I'm trying to ruin their relationship and has threatened to kick me out if my bad behaviour continues.
I have told my family about why I feel uncomfortable around him and the general opinion is that I'm over reacting. I feel like maybe they're right and I'm making a big deal out of nothing and maybe he had pure intentions but didn't realise how his actions came across. He seems like he genuinely didn't know why I was so scared. I'm willing to forgive him but every time I see him I feel nauseous. I should also add that mum's boyfriend and I have never been close and we have barely spoken since the first time we met.
​
Sorry about my writing. English is not my first language. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 23,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 23,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
3zKIJn87Q0Eb05Z5MHWJ6h2wM2MEX2vJ | b81nem | {
"description": "leaving 3 months early from an apartment that was rented to me as a favor and I didn't have to sign a lease but more so on a good word",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA:For leaving 3 months early from an apartment that was rented to me as a favor and I didn't have to sign a lease but more so on a good word? | Okay a little back story I've been living here since October of last year this is in Serbia where things work a bit differently. People do things on people's word.
So I was supposed to leave in 3 months because I'm done with my year at school and go home j til October and move into my newly built condo that I bought. This was always temporary.
I went home for the holidays and when I came back in February I noticed people fighting and shouting and crying. This building is so damn old you can hear ever thing. At first I thought the guy was beating his wife cuz he yells and shouts at 3-4 am when I assume he comes home drunk from the bar and she cries. I brought this to the attention of my uncle who is friends with my landlord and he also knows my dad.
My uncle basically said there is nothing I can do about it. Okay so I try and put up with it. But Wednesday through Friday I have class at 8 am and I can't keep waking up that early from these people yelling. A few days ago I had enough it was Wednesday morning at 5 am and I knocked on the door asking if everything was okay. He told me that his mother is in pain (don't know why he's yelling) I offered to call an ambulance or get her some pain killers anything to shut her up. I have class in the morning. After that encounter I heard nothing from them until Saturday morning. This time they did this ordeal at 8am. One of 2 days I can sleep in I'm up at 8.
I don't say anything I told my uncle about me going to the door he said if it happens again we will call the police. I know this country police won't do shit. But I went and found a new place to live . And told my uncle I'm moving as I can't do this anymore. He tells me that what I'm doing is a dick move because I'm not giving his friend enough notice. I also told him I will pay for this month's rent no problems (it's only 200 euro).
Fastforward to today. I had to be up at 8am again. 3am it starts... At 5am it gets even worse I recorded it and sent it to some people and the responded asking me if I live at a farm because that doesn't sound human. I called the police and as soon as I said the street name they literally filled in the rest saying they had 3 other complaints. I think the police came around 7am but around 830 am I heard her yelling again.
I offered to show my uncle and land Lord this recording and he's like I don't care it's still not okay what you did. I am moving out today I will end up paying 850 euros to move into this new place since I used an agency. And 200 euros for this months rent to give this man a month to find someone new. I'm here studying medicine I can't be sleep deprived especially when I'm in the hospital tending to patients. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
T24VKL0olt8rcd4DNz7bBME4R086fDQ0 | b89r8u | {
"description": "withdrawing my offer of plane tickets from my parents",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA for withdrawing my offer of plane tickets from my parents? | 5 years ago moved to the other side of the world to be with the love of my life. I accept this was entirely my choice and I have no regrets.
Since moving I've traveled to see my parents a few times. 2 years ago we extended the invite for them to come and see us, and we'd pay for the whole thing. It's cheaper for us to fly them here than for us to go there.
They declined. They don't think they could make the plane journey (my parents are both in their early 60s), "you can't possibly afford that" (we can, or we wouldn't of extended the invite). "We have stuff to fix on the house." We let it go and visited them.
Then my mom got sick. Without a second thought, went to visit them. Genuinely the right thing to do and I wouldn't dream of doing it differently.
My mom is now better, thankfully, discharged from hospital etc.
This year, we extend the same invite. We'll pay, we have a guest house, you can stay there and borrow my car etc. This year they declined again...and for the first time, critically, they said "Even before you moved to [new country] , we've never wanted to visit there". They promised to "definitely think about" coming to visit us next year.
It's getting harder not to take this personally. I told them this means they won't see us this year. They reassured me that they love me but they won't be visiting. There's a petulant side of me that just wants to withdraw my yearly offer since it feels like they have no intention of taking me up on it.
Some other facts for your consideration of assholery:
- I call them 100% of the time we speak.
- this is not new behavior. Even when I lived local, they never visited.
- in their defense, I did pick up a second job for a while, just to help with some bills etc which are now sorted. They cited this as a reason for not wanting to put me under financial strain... However, if we couldn't afford it, we wouldn't offer.
- my new home is still in the western world. My new country isn't significantly more dangerous to visit than where they live.
- my dad smokes, and had cited this as a reason for not visiting. He couldn't handle the flight without smoking.
- this year mom cited travel insurance as being too high putting them under financial strain because of her illness which I can see.
- I know I'm lucky to have my parents. Part of this frustration is because I love them and desperately want them to visit, but there's something that stops them. I know life is short and we all don't know how much time we have with the ones we love... So withdrawing my yearly offer feels immature.
So, reddit, WIBTA for withdrawing my offer of paying for flights and just waiting for them to want to visit me? I hate getting my hopes up about seeing them and then having them constantly declined. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
C0O1weQpiZRdAql6Lvcn1hIB02w9aTjn | b0gul4 | {
"description": "telling my partner she breached my trust",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for telling my partner she breached my trust? | My partner and I have had a little pregnancy scare lately. I have told her that I’m not comfortable with our current method of birth control (although until recently I hadn’t taken steps to change it beyond telling her I think we should, so I’m just as at fault for that), and she’s been a few days late starting her period. This has me more than a little stressed out, so I bought her a pregnancy test and asked her to call me when she took it (we live separately, and the test has to be done first thing in the morning).
This morning I didn’t hear from her until past 10am, well after the time I knew she would be up and about. As a little side note, I work in an office and start early while she usually works from home, hence why I wanted her to call me as opposed to being there in person. She finally texts me at 10.03 with a happy/jokey message of good morning. I ask her if she has taken the test. She says she hasn’t. I ask her why not. She says she feels like her period will start today, so doesn’t feel like she needs to.
I’m angry, we had agreed that she would call me in the morning when she took the test. She tells me not to worry, to which I reply with this message “I wouldn’t have to if you took the test. The reason I got it was so that you could do it, not keep it in your bag”
She replies a couple of minutes later saying she has taken the test and it indicates no pregnancy. She follows that with a message saying “I hope you’re happy now”.
For clarity, I’m going to copy and paste my whole reply, so you don’t have to rely on me paraphrasing. I send her the following “It’s not about me being happy, it’s about you realising this is a serious thing for both of us with massive consequences, for both of us, and that you flaking on doing it properly as we have discussed is very unfair to me and obviously going to upset me. I am counting on you heavily to take this as seriously as me, and you not taking my emotional state on such a serious matter and following through on what we agreed on is a small betrayal of trust. Thank you for doing it eventually tho”
She didn’t talk to me for 4 hours after that, then got in touch demanding I apologies for hurting her. She has said my comments were obviously hurtful, it lets her know what I think of the relationship and shows her what this relationship means to me. She included the comment “Everything that’s been said before kind of just gets nullified and overshadowed when such hurtful things are said”
She hasn’t apologise at all and it demanding I apologise to her. I feel completely awful about the whole situation. AITA for telling her I felt she breached my trust? Or should I have just been grateful she took the test at all? Do I need to apologise unreservedly? Or should I insist she apologise also? Help! | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
w3njfukN46vgsdyfppM0F1WC3MHJGaLI | aewvoe | {
"description": "getting angry that my parents mix all our leftovers together",
"pronormative_score": 71,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for getting angry that my parents mix all our leftovers together | For some reason, my mom and stepdad think that taking all of our leftovers, rice, mashed potatoes, noodles, vegetables, etc and mixing them all together into one glob of prison lunch is a good idea.
They have been doing this for so long and I have indicated that I hate it many times. They do that, and then nobody wants to eat it.
They ALWAYS take my food like my restraunt leftovers, something I cooked for myself, and mix it into everything else. Well last night, I made myself some shells with alfredo sauce and mushrooms because my mom was making onions and tomatoes, which i have told my parents I hate probably every day of my life.
I remember today about it and i was yhinkibg of how delicious it turned out so I called my mom to tell her NOT to touch it and she told me the dreadful news.
My stepdad took my little masterpiece that I made for myself and mixed it up with everything else we had. Green beans, grain, onions, tomatoes.
I know this is a first world problem, but this makes me really angry. I dont even know why the fuck he would do that because now its just going to sit in the back of the fridge because nobody wants to eat that.
I hate the fact that my parents dont respect my wishes. My stepdad always tells me how all i eat is garbage (like i have some sort of secret life where I just go to fast food restraunts all day, even though i literally eat what they cook and i cant drive????) and they eat good food. If you call that good food sir, then youd really like prison meals.
Ugh. Just ugh. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 69,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 71,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
0sy7eKphH31Elc0PPb1pha4N8TZnsz0I | aw1wmi | {
"description": "not wanting to stay with my girlfriend if she is unwilling to get an abortion",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for not wanting to stay with my girlfriend if she is unwilling to get an abortion? | Disclaimer: my girlfriend is not currently pregnant.
​
So, yesterday my girlfriend and I were talking when she brought up how her friend had gotten pregnant while also having an IUD. The conversation somehow led to the topic of what she would do if she got pregnant. Which apparently, is carry it to term. Politics aside, I am uncomfortable with this: we are both in college and have been dating for about four months.
​
Besides this conversation, our relationship has been going relatively well. We enjoy each other's company and get along. However, she has said some other things which have been concerning to me. She constantly mentions to me how cute she finds babies, and occasionally mentions that she feels "baby crazy" at times and that she needs to "calm herself down".
​
Furthermore, not that I am superstitious, but she went to see a psychic, who said (and I shit you not) "Be careful with your boyfriend, birth control does not work on his family."
​
She is on birth control, and I am careful to use condoms, but this is still concerning to me. Not to get into nitty gritty, but I am 100% certain that she is not pregnant at this moment. Knowing this new fact about how she feels about if she were to get pregnant makes me uncomfortable to intimately engage with her, seeing as more than anything I do not want to have a child.
​
I am beginning to consider this a massive red flag, to the point where I do not know if I can comfortably continue the relationship. AITA for wanting to end things over this?
​
tl;dr my girlfriend wouldn't yeetus the fetus if it came to it, and I don't think I can smash and date in confidence now | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 10,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 5
} | RIGHT |
t82kTDUCZ1stKoIum0haBY7lGFXwJl2C | a2no63 | {
"description": "removing a teammate from my football team",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for removing a teammate from my football team | I am the captain of a six-a-side amateur soccer team. There are 19 players in our team.
Before the season I wrote on a group chat that "anyone who simply isn't going to play may leave the chat or if their absences are going to occur due to other, important cause should they tell me in a private message and they can remain in the team".
So, there is this guy, let's call him T, who didn't let me know that he had gone abroad for work and he hasn't given me a notice for 3 months of the ongoing season. I removed him from the team recently due to his total inactivity along 3 other inactive people. From early August till now I had no contact with him, neither direct nor indirect.
In the middle of October I sent a message to the chat that anyone who doesn't show activity in the next 4 weeks will be removed from the team.
Yesterday, a teammate, named N, T's friend, messaged me asking why I had removed T from the team. This was the moment the cause of T's absence became known to me. N was acting like I am at fault here.
Am I the asshole here? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
I2t6avnwFiCYYfFqFsBkZSNd04qPtNKL | atcrgf | {
"description": "leaving my roommates",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For Leaving My Roommates | So I'm a student currently living with four other people and I'm graduating soon, which means theres no reason for me to stay in my college town. My roommates have known for months that I'm leaving in March and that we need to find a subleaser. In the past I've arranged for a subleaser for one of my roommates and I've found roommates for our apartment to make rent cheaper. Now that I'm trying to find a subleaser (and I'm doing my best, I'm really fucking stressed right now about it), they're not helping at all. Our living room looks cramped as hell because one of my roommates spontaneously bought a couch without notifying us, and no one has been willing to help me make the apartment look nicer. I'm kind of getting to the point where I just want to leave and let them figure it out, but i feel really guilty just leaving them to pay my $650/mo. So I guess my question is Would I be The Asshole if I just left? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
wsXswbbbQF5RYT0KuuvRXyOCNoM8Plqq | b24f4q | {
"description": "wanting to go offline",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to go offline? | For a myriad of reasons, I've been wanting to go offline, delete my social media, messaging apps, and eventually cut my post-paid mobile line for a very long time.
Plan: delete social media (done) > switch to feature phone and delete WhatsApp > switch postpaid mobile line to prepaid mobile line, giving the number only to my immediate family members for emergency purposes.
So far I've deleted Facebook, and what remains is WhatsApp. As there are many memories in the chat messages and photos, and one has to get these out first before deleting the app, it's been overwhelming me and my plan to delete it is progressing slowly at the pace of an iceberg. I've already changed my mobile number in all my accounts except for 3 organisations (I know because I keep track using a password manager).
Recently I've been asked to volunteer for task A for organisation B. I'm not in a very good place, but would like to contribute, and I accepted it. And I'm added to a few chat groups in WhatsApp.
Now this is giving me a lot of anxiety. Hence I want to go ahead with my plan to switch to a feature phone which does not support WhatsApp, and tell them to only contact me via email.
The thing is, as much of the conversation takes place in the app, deleting the app will inconvenience the discussion process. But the thing is I've already conceived of my plan even before I was asked to volunteer, and it feels like a spanner is thrown into my plan.
So AITA? Feel free to ask me questions, and I apologise if I my post isn't clear. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
4htBwJd8Z6kUCW73xuBLLm87aqdYk1yD | amnhtl | {
"description": "posting a pic after someone else did",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for posting a pic after someone else did | Okay so I was in a discord server. Someone posted a pic of their pet. I didn't look at the time they posted the pic of their pet, and posted a pic of my pet 2-3 hours later. The individual said that I was rude for posting the pic. I said that I was sorry and that I didn't look at the timestamp. Called me rude again and the conversation ended there. AITA?
Note: this happened once. I ended up leaving the server due to drama unrelated to the incident and unrelated to me | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
G8KpMB8KYOIe7p00HIXgdbJueOldiMZf | aht8j6 | {
"description": "calling out my gf for social media use",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for calling out my GF for social media use? | Here’s the situation in a nut shell. My girlfriend and I had a huge falling out about social media use in September. She’s easily jealous and has major issues with ANY female I associate with. In turn, I’ve had issues with how many of her male followers speak to her, especially on SnapChat. So we agreed to deactivate Facebook and delete SnapChat.
We’ve battle over her keeping secret her FB messenger because she believes it’s no different than texting. I caught her keeping FB messenger on her “spare phone” she keeps at work to play Pandora. In lieu of the argument, she “deleted” the apps and hasn’t been in since.
Few weeks ago, she asked me to help her with setting up the iWatch I got her for Christmas. I accidentally swiped down when working between apps and found a notification from SnapChat. I went in and found those bogus conversations from other men that caused the issues since September. She was infuriated I read them. A couple of those men even called her sexy and gorgeous. (Things I call her almost daily and met with a type of rejection while she thanks these guys. ) Obviously this caused a huge fight. At the end she promised to delete SnapChat.
So we’re sitting here tonight and I ask her if she ever deleted SnapChat. She said yes. I asked her when did she get the email stating in 30 days the account would be inactive. She said she only deleted the app and that she will delete it the next time she’s on the internet. I asked her when that would be and she stormed off avoiding me and the conversation.
AITA for bringing it up? Requesting the confirmation? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 7,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
dWt7IVn6dXOnolU9ncoPOFUPEPN0ryrb | axw69b | null | AITA Domestic between the ladies next door. |
I live in a duplex and a couple lives next door. Let's give the couple names.
"Lisa" - Lisa is level headed and a reasonable person. Lisa has a young boy (Ronnie) of about 10 years living there.
"Tammy" - is a hot head and verbally abuses "Lisa often. I suspect there is physical abuse too but I have no proof. Tammy is very controlling and jealous.
The front part of the apartments are very thin and most things said in one kitchen can be easily heard and understood in the other even when spoke in a normal volume. About two or three times a month we can easily hear Tammy accuse Lisa of infidelity. Lisa generally stands up for herself in a reasonable manner. Tammy usually yells and screams horrible names at Lisa. Many times Tammy with throw things. I can hear them crash into the wall...pots and pans ect. These fights often erupt in the early morning hours...almost exclusively. This wakes me up and pisses me off.
Last week, it happened again about 3:30 A. M. I was awakened to the sounds of "You dyke whore!"... it was Tammy screaming at Lisa. I then heard the sounds of something fairly heavy and fairly thick steel being thrown around. As I got dressed I could hear Tammy continue with the insults then Tammy stormed out and left. I ran to their door. I'll admit; I was pissed about being awoken again but the sounds of clanging steel had me VERY worried for Lisa and Ronnie. It turns out, that Tammy was throwing around a disassembled bed frame! I spoke with the Lisa and her son to see if everyone was ok. I wasn't ready to take Lisa's word for it (everyone being ok) It seems everyone was ok. I spoke to them for a bit and gave them some pamphlets and resources to call for to get help (I took the brochures from where I work. I suspected, after I heard them fighting, I may need them for this specific reason.) . At this point, Tammy returned and let out a barrage of nasty names directed to Lisa. At that point, I informed Tammy that I was tired of being awoken to such shit and I would involve the police next time.
Now, there have been a couple of arguments between them since and...I'm so mad at myself...I didn't see this coming...but now, Lisa just remains silent only speaking to apologize to Tammy for her (Lisa) being a "Lezzy slut" and other lovely names....right in front of Ronnie. Lisa just meekly apologies and takes it!! I KNOW it's because she doesn't want me to call the police. . I can't hardly stand it and **I'm mad at myself for not anticipating this...**
Should I have NOT said anything to Lisa? Should I have said it to Tammy? I'm worried about "Ronny" too (Lisa's son). He has to hear and see this shit. How will this affect him? Should I tell Ronnie he can come over if things get bad?
TL;DR: Couple in shared duplex fights a lot and in the early hours. One gal is larger and the aggressor. I told them to pipe down or I'd call the police and now the meek gal just eats the bigger gal's shit. Meek gal has a 10 year old boy living there too. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
8Gf5UBrmb46TLzGnoIf0zj3EugSzVjWg | azvhig | {
"description": "not going to my girlfriends work christmas party because I wanted to play Smash Bros",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 16
} | AITA for not going to my girlfriends work christmas party because I wanted to play Smash Bros? | Okay so this all happened in December but her and I broke up 2 weeks ago (not because of this) and I have always wanted to know if I was in the wrong or right here. The new smash bros came out on Friday December 7th, which happened to be the day directly after my last final for my fall term. I saw this about 2 months prior to it coming out and was ecstatic. I told my gf(lets just say H) and pretty much everyone else that I am not doing anything for that weekend besides playing and that people are welcome to play with me. H just called me a nerd and laughed it off.
​
So about a week and a half before the game came out, she told me about a work Christmas party on the 7th. I reminded her about the game coming out then and the plans I made to play all weekend, which now included some friends I made plans with. Well she didn't like my answer and basically told me that wanting to play a video game was not a valid reason to not intend her work Christmas party, which I honestly understand and normally I would've attended without issue. But this is something that I had been talking to her for the past 2 months with excitement and it was all I was looking forward too after my finals were done. Playing video games is a hobby that I haven't been able to really partake in while I'm trying to finish school, so I wasn't ready to cancel my plans for that party. I ended up following through with my plans and playing all weekend. We fought about me not going for about a week after the party but eventually got past it.
​
I understand that it's important to be there for your SO in situations like this, but I also feel like I communicated what I was doing well before the Christmas party and I feel like my hobby/plans should have been more respected. So, AITA for not going to her work Christmas party and playing smash bros? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 16,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 9,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 21,
"WRONG": 16
} | RIGHT |
wEcPQTNIKukAZ47KpYLFA2WDWLYF9fZU | ar9g9x | {
"description": "cutting off my boyfriend's friends",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for cutting off my boyfriend’s friends? | I (23F) have been dating my boyfriend (24M) for 5 years. We have a great relationship now, but we went through a lot of shit in college. He fell in with a group of guys who I believed to be scumbags. They took Xanax with alcohol every night, skipped class to smoke/sell weed all day, and would try and set him up with other girls knowing full well that he and I were dating.
I worked hard for 2 years to help my boyfriend get clean and finally did it — but only because I forced him to end his friendship with these guys. I’m so happy that he is healthy now and not involved with shady people anymore, but I feel extremely guilty because I’m starting to notice that he has no friends.
I noticed this a few weeks ago when my friends invited me out for drinks and he asked me to hang out that same night. He was so sweet when I told him I already had plans, saying he didn’t mind and to have fun, but I was close to tears all night because he was at home alone while I was out with friends and I know I’m the reason he doesn’t go out with the guys anymore.
The guilt became even worse on the day of the Super Bowl when he said he was going to see what the guys were doing, but ended up coming to my place instead. Apparently they said they “didn’t know what they were doing for the Super Bowl” which I find hard to believe from a group of boys who love football. I‘m guessing they just didn’t want him there.
I don’t want him to fall back with a shitty group of people and pick up his old habits, but I’m worried that I’m controlling his life and have left him friendless. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
8V2G4bECfHs8uxtw4sQ81n5MYDr7yo0B | ae57jw | {
"description": "offering to buy someone I only recently met a duvet set",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For offering to buy someone I only recently met a duvet set? | So, I've only known this guy for a few days and we found each other through an app. We talk on Snapchat a bunch but haven't met yet. Problem is, I've never met anyone in person through these apps before and I'm a very anxious person.
He'd mentioned that he lost his duvet at a relatives and won't ever be getting it back (they lost it too apparently). His living situation isn't great, he sleeps on an airbed that deflated and caused him to get no sleep last night and has a single blanket (to be fair it's a cute blanket).
So I thought I'd be nice and offer to buy him a duvet set, but first (and in hindsight I realise this must've been weird) I asked for a verification pic because all others I'd seen looked pretty much the same.
He tells me he is not going to do that nor should he and after telling him its because i wanted to get him a new duvet he proceeds to tell me the usual "I don't accept things from guys I hardly know" "I can make it on my own" stuff which is understandable.
So, am I the asshole for wanting a verification pic and wanting to get a guy I hardly know yet a duvet? Also we were talking about meeting up sometime soon just to chill. Now though, I think I just killed what was going to be a good friendship.
Am I the asshole? Are either of us even the asshole?
Tldr: Guy I've known for a few days through Snapchat sleeps on an airbed with a blanket because duvet was lost. I ask for verification pic to settle my own anxiety and offer to buy him a duvet. He declines. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
yQ3WQhTHWltXd00DV4W9RM28lg7xoQ6F | b37399 | {
"description": "not wanting my roommate's ((nice)) girlfriend around all the time",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting my roommate's ((nice)) girlfriend around all the time? | She's a really nice girl - friendly, sweet, etc. And she's spending 5-6 nights a week at our apartment - maybe arrives around 5 PM each day, doesn't leave until 10 AM and comes back again at 5 PM. I'm having doubts about being resentful of her presence because she's not overtly getting in my way. My two roommates and I have our own bedrooms and bathrooms, and our electric bill is not even that high, despite her always showering at our place. I don't necessarily want her to pay rent - it just bothers me that she's freeloading. I signed up and paid to have TWO roommates - not three.
Sure, there are small things that her constant presence cause: she uses my cups and sometimes leaves them overnight, so I have to wash them to make myself a cup of tea in the morning while she's still sleeping. She takes up space in the fridge, so I have to dig through her stuff to get to mine. She and my roommate often take up the kitchen to make dinner together. But these things are small enough to make me doubt that I have a case against her being here all the time.
​
The same two roommates and I are moving to another apartment together soon, and I thought that this would be a good opportunity to bring up the girlfriend issue. Is it worth bringing it up or AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 10,
"INFO": 1
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 19,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
0hhLA7wmnHWq7QyarenIq2phObzTFk7f | b3whvc | {
"description": "thinking I made a girl self concious",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA i think i made a girl self concious | Ok so i really like this girl but when her friend asked if i like her i said no because i thought she didnt feel the same
She wasnt there the next day and her friends kept asking "who would you future girlfriend be" i said "no one im ugly" and they kept saying "well if you do get one what personality traits would you want" i kept joking and they gave up
AITA
TL DR i think i made a girl self consicous because i said i didnt like her tho i REALLY do | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
fqosU2cTA0CQ6Ps9QxQsHet81u8bd8IT | b2dj00 | {
"description": "not being okay with my boyfriend being alone in a house with two girls",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 35
} | AITA for not being okay with my boyfriend being alone in a house with two girls? | So, my boyfriend and I have been together for a few years now. His parents are going to be out of the country for a month and I was looking forward to spending time with him alone at his place, until he revealed to me that a family friend and her best friend will be staying at the house for a week during spring break. I looked up their facebooks and they're both young and attractive.
I told my boyfriend I didn't like the idea of two girls just hanging out at the house with him, but he assured me they'd only really be there to sleep. Still, I told him outright I really wouldn't like them coming over, and he said he'd talk to his mom, who eventually replied that it was her house so if she wanted a family friend over, she can. I understand that much, but my boyfriend isn't willing to budge or let me stay over while the girls are there. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 35,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 11
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 35
} | WRONG |
8YrjXtbCXJFGWzXE1BrYS5zAVRoQCVza | b3ciwa | null | AITA for me and my gf blocking a mutual friend over a lie? | So lets call my gf Sarah and Dave. Dave introduces me to Sarah at a party 4 yrs ago. Prior to that Dave and I were buds for 4-5 years but casually (like different colleges, went to HS together, he lived in Seattle for 2 years, but recently moved back home and we reconnected).
2 years pass - both Dave and I fancy Sarah. Dave apparently once took Sarah out on a romantic date 2 years ago but nothing materialized. Sarah and I become good friends. While she was pretty she was always taken. I didn't really see a future.
She recently becomes single and some things change and I make a move - its recieved well. We start considering dating and we are talking. Before I take the plunge I do a coffee with Dave and mention we may date. I ask if theres any issues with that and if he cares. He doesnt object. I also ask if theres been any history between them that I should know about. He says "no just that date."
I also ask her - she also mentions "just the date." Our dating goes well. However two months in - I found out that Dave and Sarah hooked up and spent the night TWO days before our first date. In fact when we were "talking" Dave and Sarah were meeting up and cuddling. It was only when Dave left for his Ireland trip - Sarah and I started dating.
I dont care that they did stuff or had a relationship. I just felt hurt that two good friends lied to my face directly. Moreso Dave since we've been buddies for 8 years at that point. I called him while he's in Ireland - talk all this out. I tell him I can't be friends with him anymore. "8 years have gotta mean something. Some shred of honesty and trust has gotta be there." Maybe its because I've been betrayed before even by family Im different with friends. Its the family you chose.
I talk with Sarah - I get mad she gets defensive, she coaxes me, I cry and I overall feel deficient as a man. As if I wasn't "enough" for her while I was interested. She eventually admits its because she broke up and was really vulnerable and Dave said he'd be her bf. The next day he said, "I just wanted to get some." He starts talking to her about other girls he's interested in.
I tell her I blocked him and she does the same. This in turn alienates her from Dave's friends in the states. She's sad they dont invite her to the Friendsgiving.
Am I an asshole for alienating Sarah from Dave's friends for asking her to block him? AITA | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 1
} | WRONG |
cssLRuCOLUQUCPH4WJMiHR1GUtWCfjiS | aur2oj | {
"description": "throwing away customers food",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for throwing away customers food. | This story is a few years old, but it is one I always think back to because I really question if I had done the right thing.
Summer of 2017, I took at a job at a local amusement park. I was a ride operator at our main water ride. It was a river rafting ride, so just think round boats and a pretty good shot at getting soaked.
We rotate positions every hour and I was working as the counter. I counted up folks at the front of the line, made sure everyone was the approved height, and sent them on to my other coworker so they could get them into the boat safe. I also had to make sure no one had any food/beverages on them. Food+certainty it will get wet+people throwing trash in the water= no bueno.
A group of four reaches the front of the line and each person has a plastic plate full of food with them. I tell them politely that they are not allowed to have food with them on the ride, so they would have to finish the food or throw it away. The group rolls their eyes at me and asks if they can just leave the plates on the platform while they go on the ride. I explained that food couldn’t be left on the platform and we have several signs that say that this is not a ride where food is allowed.
(I have zero idea why they would want to leave their food where a bunch of wet people are continuously going to run past it. They would be coming back to a big disgusting wet mess.)
The group changes their annoyed tune and one of them says, “Okay, we will get rid of all this, no problem.” They proceed like they are going to head to the exit, but then they see the boat that was going to be meant for them. They drop all their plates on the platform where they think I cannot see it, then they board the boat and it takes off. I had started helping another group when I saw them heading towards the exit, so I fucked up by being a little too trusting there. Nonetheless, they were gone and I was now pissed.
Food on the platform is a no, and we are told to throw away what we find. I was in clear view of my manager, so if they saw the food sitting on the platform then I would be asked about it. So I walked over, picked up all the plates, and tossed them in the trash.
Now, from my experience at least, food at amusement parks is fucking pricey. So I did feel shitty about tossing it out, there’s also the fact that it is a big ass waste. In that situation, my options for passing the food along is pretty impossible, but still.
The group came back and there were a lot of “what the fuck’s” thrown around. They never said anything directly to me though and just exited after discovering the food was gone. I felt like I was in the right for following protocol, the group was pretty rude, but it was four full ass plates.
I have gotten multiple takes on this, but thought I’d ask anyway. Also, sorry this is a long/choppy post, still pretty new to posting on here.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
PSKW6oUSlb4QcRiHERD6YfR44x3ZXZ5M | axywvs | {
"description": "refusing to install the lights for my parents",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for refusing to install the lights for my parents | Hello Guys, sorry English is Not my First Language and i am on mobile.
A little Context, i don't live at home anymore and get 100 % Financial Support from my parents, because of that and just being their Son, i still do a lot of things at their place, like all kinds of maintance and garden work.
My Mother wanted to buy some new lights for her living room and i agreed to install them. Because of my exams she said i don't have to do them right away and they can wait. Fast forward, i got my Tools from Home and bring them to my parents. I did put them in the living room and said i would do it the next day. In the Morning i came for breakfirst over and saw all my Tools on the Floor. My two year old sister was playing with them. (Mind you i have Knifes and other dangerous things in there) I put the together and told my father, who was babysitting at the time, That this is Not OK and really dangerous. I didn't want to cause a fight, so i didn't tell my Mother, when she came back from work.
After that i had to Go to University and came back late, to late to Change the lights. But i thaught next day is still a day. When i got in the living room. My parents there sitting with my sister on the Sofa and watching TV and i looked in the corner and all my Tools there lying around, even more than in the Morning. I was livid. But didn't want to scream. I put my Tools together and put them in my car. My Mother asked what is about the lights and i said that this not my Problem anymore.
I felt disrespected and disapointed That my parents just Watch, while my Baby Sister was playing with dangerous Tools.
I still visit my Parents and do all the other things, That are needed. But i won't Change this lights.
Am i the Asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
wlgHZbISPw5z4VgSIQDu63MHaMsUUcqZ | aywv8z | {
"description": "wanting my boyfriend to get me a birthday present",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting my boyfriend to get me a birthday present? | We've been together for almost 2 years, this is my second birthday with him. We broke up on my last birthday so I never got a gift then which I didn't care about. We got back together about 2 months later.
His birthday was 4 months ago. Now I'm not lying when I say I really really love this guy, he's amazing and he makes me really happy so of course I wanted to do something really special for him for his birthday. I got him 3 very thoughtful gifts that I knew he would love, I brought his favourite food and cocktails and cake to his house and I made sure we got to have a special day together. He really enjoyed it, he was really really happy, and he even said to me at one point "oh my god I'm gonna get you something AMAZING for your birthday, you deserve it!"
Every so often then until my birthday he would say something about how he was going to get me a really good gift, so by the time my birthday came around I was really excited. I ended up having a really shit night the night before my bday which is a whole different story, but I stayed the night with him feeling kinda crap. In the morning then I asked when I was gonna get my gift. He said something about how he had gotten me a gift but was feeling really embarassed by how bad it was, so he was gonna get me a new one and give it to me later.
I want to be clear here that I did not expect him to do a whole birthday special like I did and get me multiple presents and spend a lot of money. I wasn't asking him to do anything outrageous, but he had been saying he was gonna get me something good so I was a little hurt that I didn't get anything but I brushed it off and expected a present in like a week or 2.
It's been a month and he keeps making the same excuse. According to him he's bought me 5 really crappy presents that he's too embarassed to give me because they're not good enough for me. Today I was in a bad mood anyway and I straight up asked him where my present was. He kinda laughed about it and handed me different bits of junk from around his house that were clearly not for me and were just lying around. I got upset and told him I just wanted some sort of effort from him and we had a big argument.
He was basically saying that he's been super stressed lately, and he didn't think he'd have to get me anything because he never gets presents for his friends birthdays, and he doesn't even have money to buy me anything.
I was saying that he had told me he was gonna get me something and I felt hurt that he'd lied about that, and that I would have been happy with a $10 book voucher, or some cool pencils, or even a homemade gift, just something to show that he cared enough to actually get me something.
The argument ended with me apologising for stressing him out so much, somewhat of an apology from him, and an agreement that we'd just leave this and move on but now I can't help but feel that he's a bit of an asshole here. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
6dyCqt4PxnGSnbvJG9MHUv1mBesCRJjS | b14nif | {
"description": "not reminding my boss to pay the severance package for a woman she fired",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | WIBTA if I didn't remind my boss to pay the severance package for a woman she fired? | This one I'll try to keep short.
So my boss is already an older woman. Runs her own business. I basically assist with administrative stuff. She constantly tells me to do things which I do, but she forgets she told me so I get reprimanded. This has happened many times and I can't do anything about as she doesn't use email or whatsapp or anything (last week she called me out for hiring someone that she had told me to hire, because someone else quit, and many more situations). Only phone calls and one-to-one. It's gotten to the point where I am really frustrated and decided to do only what I was told, nothing more and nothing less.
2 weeks ago she fired a woman and obviously she needs to be paid. Well, when she decided to fire her she told me "I took care of it and I told the supervisor to tell her she's done". Usually I let the person in accounting know who left the company and who was hired, but since she told me she took care of it, I understood that she also let that person know of the firing, so I didn't. And I didn't do it out of malice, I just assumed.
It's been two weeks since the woman was fired and if she doesn't get her severance soon she can sue, but since my boss already called me on the phone to reprimand me for not informing of the firing, I don't want to remind her because it's extremely frustrating to be punished for doing what I'm told.
She constantly tells me not to challenge her with anything, as in not to disagree. Like, yesterday during lunch I told her we needed water bottles, and then 3 hours later she called me out... for not telling her we needed them. So I won't challenge her anymore and let her run her shit and get in trouble if need be.
WITBA? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
htxbD626IjcVDmQkUDEugjdBeTUN71mS | b08l8f | {
"description": "being unwilling to change my toxic behavior",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for being unwilling to change my toxic behavior? | Hey all, please bare in mind I have mild autism and I am kind of bad at communicating. Regardless, here is my story.
About 1 1/3 years ago I joined a group of people online. They're folks who built a community of support, honesty, and acceptance. They were my *best* friends. They were also very liberal, and that's not a bad thing, nor was it really unexpected, as they were a very diverse group. A lot of lgbt folk, as well as other minority groups. Now, this was a small community, and we interacted very often, and so we were very close knit. We had all been through some shit together, experiences I won't share out of respect for these people, but regardless our pain made us grow closer. However, I was always an outlier. I'm a centrist at heart, I don't consider myself part of the lgbt community, despite being bi, because I object to some of the actions and ideologies that the movement has garnered, and I'm also not a feminist for the same reasons. I was never afraid to talk about these things, and my friends were never afraid to engage in debate with me about it. Unfortunately, I wasn't good at communicating. I'd often end up interpreting things as confrontational, or let my emotions get the best of me, and these debates would devolve into arguments and not debates. It was an issue. But I did work to change it, and I still am. Unfortunately, I couldn't do so before it bit me in the ass. Big time. We were having a discussion about comedy and what is acceptable and what isn't, and at this time it was just a conversation, not even a debate. And to cut things a bit short, I revealed to them that I was very much a supporter of the "nothing is sacred, everything can be humorous" type of thinking. My friends were, understandably, upset. Again, to cut things short, things devolved rapidly. This subject had come up before, it wasn't new, but what ended up happening was that I was so unwavering in my defense of this ideology I had newly (in their eyes) adopted, and thanks to my lack of social intelligence, I ended up giving them the impression that I may have been associating with alt right extremists who were trying to agree with their way of thinking. This upset me, for several reasons. I thought that after all this time they would have known I don't want to hurt people, hell they were there when I decided I want to dedicate myself to pacifism. But they were afraid. They wanted me to be safe and I just wouldn't see things their way. The situation continued to fluctuate over a period of 2 days, all while I resisted adamantly. I considered that I might be wrong, but was still unwilling to change, to the point that I nearly convinced myself I WAS being brainwashed by alt right extremists. Things settled eventually, and the moderators of the community convened. They agreed I was a source of discomfort, and asked me to . They asked me to go, and I accepted. I knew I hurt them, and I felt like this was the only good thing to do. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 2
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
j4Nzkh6vXAiC7T7xW4QARgYf5aSEEC3x | a8pzo3 | {
"description": "not congratulating my \"friend\" for getting married when she 1. never told me I was engaged and 2. never personally invited me to the wedding? she's mad bc \"I should have known the news\"",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not congratulating my ”friend” for getting married when she 1. Never told me I was engaged and 2. Never personally invited me to the wedding? she’s mad bc “I should have known the news” | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT | |
NgYkw4NjzutWjtx6UXdVDJorUpjftEPL | ayh9cb | {
"description": "not wanting to be friends with a persistent guy",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to be friends with a persistent guy? | So I met this guy once while I was overseas a year ago, and he's the son of my mom's friend. He was a nice kid, but we didn't talk much and that was that. About a month ago, mom said that he wanted my Instagram. I was alright with that, I mean he seemed okay.
He started to dm me, and after a few messages he said he had feelings for me. I didn't really know him that well so I tried to decline as politely as I could. He insisted that he could get me to love him if I'd just let him "court" me, to which I declined again. He said that was okay and that we could just be friends. I said alright, although I was a bit weirded out. After that, he kept saying stuff like "I love you" or "I have feelings for you" and then saying he meant it "as a friend" after I confronted him about it. I was really uncomfortable and I told him to stop pushing it multiple times, to which he'd insist he wasn't. I eventually told my mom, and she told me to block him. He apparently has mental issues that he's been trying to get diagnosed.
I went on my way for a while, but he found my alternate account and tried to message me there a week later. I turned the account on private and blocked him there too. His sister messaged me this morning saying that I needed to forgive him and that he was extremely depressed because of what happened. My mom told me to ignore it and that she'd talk to their mom.
Should I have been more accepting of him? Is it my fault he became really depressed? I feel really bad about it all. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
8GBqnD7YVUJ0u2YB7MYM6ZdYT5qNQb1n | b2bob8 | {
"description": "considering not inviting my mom to my wedding",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for considering not inviting my mom to my wedding? | To be clear, I seriously don’t know if I’m in the wrong here. I’m not here for YoUr WeDdInG iS yOuR dAy validation.
My fiancé and I are looking to buy a house and make huge changes this summer. To help with this process, we got “paper married” on Friday. We still plan on having a full wedding in a year. We’re only telling immediate family and our closest friends that we got married. To the general public, we’re still engaged. We invited parents only to the courthouse on Friday.
My mom has a history of making fun of me and turning herself into a martyr or victim any chance she gets.
My mom calls me last weekend and asks if I would invite his family to a dinner she planned afterwards. Note: she didn’t ask if I wanted to do a dinner after or what restaurant or anything. I thought it’d be nice and harmless, so I said sure. She then sends me a Microsoft Publish invitation she made for me to send to his four parents. I texted her back and said, “I love that you’re so excited, but I hate that.” I explained it’s not my style and we’re trying to keep this as simple as possible. No invites. No flowers. No cake. Even dinner is pushing it. It’s literally just piece of paper for us and a day we can be together and get married. I explained I’m inviting her out of curtesy and not because this is something that is a big family ordeal. It’s our day. The big wedding is the family and guest day. She whined that I’m her only daughter and she might die before the big wedding and she needs to do the crafty stuff. I said no. I don’t want any of it. She said Fine. No flowers. Nothing. But she added her signature, “whatever.”
I show up to the courthouse and as I go to stand with my fiancé, she hands me a bouquet of flowers she made. I say, “No. mom. I said last weekend that I don’t want flowers.” So I set them down. She pouted while his parents looked at her in sympathy. After the ceremony, his stepmom asked me to hold my flowers for pictures because I made my mom sad. Sure. we went to dinner. At the restaurant she giggled and said, “oh she’s gonna kill me.” She pulled out a cake she decorated. I looked at her angrily and she laughed in front of the whole bar of the restaurant and pointed, “oh haha look at her face.” I played nice and we had a fine dinner while she berated some of my life choices. She kept us there for 3 hours. By the time we got home, my fiancé and I were so tired that we spent no time together and passed out.
I told my mom that if I can’t trust her to respect my wishes and not change things last minute in public, I don’t want her at the big wedding. I made super small requests. She broke those requests in public at my wedding. She lied and said she wouldn’t do those things. She embarrassed me and railroaded the whole night. It was all about her. I cried when I got home because she put her own feelings before mine and I’m hurt. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
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} | RIGHT |
DCDXycYyrihMzReDtlpeNlL2rlnI65HA | 9zihw5 | {
"description": "telling my bf I love him when I absolutely did not",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 13
} | AITA For telling my (20F) BF (21M) I love him when I absolutely did not? | I’ll keep this short. My BF and I had been together for about 2.5 months when he told me he loved me at the top of a hill by the beach. It was all very romantic and intense, I lied and said I loved him back, when I very clearly knew I did not. I recently confessed that I only started loving him about 10 months into the relationship, and he’s pretty upset that I lied to him the first time.
Honestly, I was enjoying our relationship but I had never been in love and I’m not really the type to be into people at all let alone that quick so I didn’t want to risk the relationship.
P.S We have now been together for 2 years.
AITA For lying to my boyfriend about how I felt? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 13,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 13
} | WRONG |
dMtQxvBaf6rU2xyr4l02IO1KpWkZbnIO | 9uojky | {
"description": "wanting to publicly out someone who screwed, not just me, but hundreds of people over",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to publicly out someone who screwed, not just me, but hundreds of people over? | TLDR; Made a significant investment in an acquaintance’s indigogo campaign a year and half ago and they haven’t fulfilled a single perk (not even the promised thank you notes) nor have they made any attempt to update or communicate with backers. I contacted him about it in June, but after making assurances and excuses, he still hasn’t posted any updates or sent any communications to backers. Would IBTA if I publicly out him about this?
Ok, so a year and half ago, an individual I’m acquainted with started an indigogo campaign for a project they were working on.
I was interested in the project because I was fond of this individual’s work and because it related to an issue/subject matter that I’m very passionate about.
Not only did I make a significant investment as a backer, but I also used my influence to garner additional support for the project by featuring it and the individual one of my professional platforms which has a significant reach.
The impact of my organization’s endorsement of the project was substantial. The campaign was coming to a close and had stalled. After I featured the project, they reached a monetary milestone which allowed for completion.
It’s been a year and a half though, and not a single campaign “perk” has been fulfilled.
Now, I’m connected to this person on social media and saw that instead of making an effort to fulfill their current campaign, they were involved in yet another major project.
I was pissed beyond words so I contacted the guy in June and was like, “Hey _____, what’s up? I’m really happy that you were able to complete the project. I noticed that there hasn’t been any activity on your campaign with regard to perks (they haven’t even sent promised thank you notes) and wanted to know when your backers can expect fulfillment?”
I made a substantial contribution that entitled me to many valuable perks so I sent him a copy of my receipt.
His response was to make assurances and excuses with the promise of updating me on the situation. That was in June and I haven’t heard anything.
I was hoping that he would have chosen to be transparent with the backers at that point and communicated something about the delay, but he didn’t.
I’m considering publicly outing him about the situation because he’s just recently signed on for another project! I’m a stickler for accountability and it pisses me off to no end that people think they can just can take people’s money in a good faith agreement and completely fail to uphold or fulfill their end of said agreement.
He’s looked up to in his community and this is just BS. I think hundreds of other backers who got screwed might be afraid to challenge him on it. He’s representing a very marginalized demographic and my concern is that he is manipulating the privilege his work and education have brought him by using it against the very people he claims to want to empower.
Am I the asshole for being pissed about this? Would I be that asshole for outing this guy?
| HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 6,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
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} | RIGHT |
DKTTUIxTtEx0w7PqKviFtGRYg6V9VPhG | b2m346 | {
"description": "not loving or caring about my brother",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not loving or caring about my brother? | Growing up, I had immense love for my brother. He was always a scumbag, always a weirdo. A lot of people have never liked him, and when he was 18+, he would prey upon young girls. Im talking middle school aged girls. I never defended him, but I also wasn’t angry because I grew up very sheltered and didn’t know/understand the full extent to what he was doing.
As I entered high school, his friends would prey upon me. They’d come into my bedroom at night, drunk, and sexually assault me. 2 of them. My brother called me a slut to other people, and would tell me not to tell my parents because then his friends wouldn’t be allowed over.
He ended up helping his close friend make a fake fb profile to harass me and other girls around a year ago. They’d say gross sexual stuff to girls, fat shame, post racist shit. I was at my wits end. I said some awful shit about him and he got screenshots and showed my parents. I couldn’t tell them why I hate him so much.
It’s been about 6 months and I’ve barely talked to him. We live in the same house. I’m 19 and he’s 24, struggled through college and has no plan on moving out, he’s a massive loser.
My mom cries about us not having a close relationship and whines about how annoying it is. I don’t love him. I don’t miss him. I don’t feel sorry for him. And after I move out, I plan on never seeing him ever again unless I have to.
AITA for feeling this way? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 15,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 15,
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} | RIGHT |
et10H4py5Y8iPGaVhzeHljVEiDSOpOTX | b5qkkw | {
"description": "not letting a client falsely wear a full military uniform",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 14
} | AITA for not letting a client falsely wear a full military uniform? | So first things first, I work with the mentally disabled and this one client loves to play dress up and his favorite one is wearing full ACU's. I served in the military and I just don't like it when others wear the uniform without serving. He likes to play the "I'm an honorary member of my brothers unit" which he is, but it's no reason to wear the uniform(imo). I told him that I don't care what he wears while I am not working with him, but when I am to not wear it. It also gets VERY uncomfortable in public because when someone walks up to him and asks "your in the military?" He will lie and say that he is and starts trying to explain what he does and I have to intervene and explain the situation. I know I am probably the asshole and I should just let him, hes not hurting anyone, but it just annoys me when he goes out and tries to lie about something he never did. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 14,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 20,
"WRONG": 14
} | RIGHT |
PqfstyN169aamFg1sIvaS0BRGym1i05I | ashnok | {
"description": "explaining mental health to my 10 y/o brother",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for explaining mental health to my 10 y/o brother? | Ok so, I have had anxiety and minor issues with mental health since i was about 8. im 18f now and i have only now gotten help and have been able to talk about it.
also a bit of background, my mum and dad divorced before i could remember, my dad has a new wife and had two sons with her when i was 8, shes been around since i was 4 i think
The root of my anxiety is my dads temper, being that he would occasionally scream, not yelling, actual screaming out of rage. this would happen about once every 2 weeks at his worst when i was about 13-14 and my brothers were 4 and 5. I would wake up to him screaming at them to get their shoes on, i wanted to go and stop him but id be frozen in my bed out of fear. A lot of the time my stepmum wasn't there. He got better as they got older, as in he would loose his temper less, at least to my knowledge (i alternate houses to my mums and my dads) His temper was almost always directed at my younger brothers. I know of two occasions where he has actually hit the older one, once a slap across the face, and another time the night before his wedding when my older (21 at the time) brother had to pull him off of my 9 y/o brother.
I didnt experience this level of anger at their age, only the screaming. And i remember at 10 years old praying at night asking god if he truly exists, that he wouldn't let me wake up in the morning because i thought any other way of killing myself would be too painful.
**So this is what i feel like an asshole for:**
I was babysitting my younger brothers, the older one and I are in the kitchen listening to music and talking about it, i play a song by frightened rabbit. He says he likes them and i tell him i wish i could have seen them live.
B= brother M= me
B: why cant you see them now?
M: because they aren't together anymore
B: why did they break up?
M: the lead singer died
B: How?
M: He jumped off a bridge (this is the bit i regret, i felt like i was too graphic and i feel awful about it)
B: why did he do that?
​
From then on, i explained that he (the singer) was in a lot of pain, he was struggling with his thoughts. I told my brother how important it is to tell people you trust if you are struggling mentally and that there are people who can help. He doesnt know i go to therapy, i havent told them because i worry that my stepmum thinks im trying to influence them. I told her about my dads temper and some of the things she hasnt seen, i told her i was worried about my brothers but she blew it off, she thinks im just trying to tag my mental health to my dad and that her dad was like that all the time.
i dunno.
am i an asshole for maybe being too graphic to my younger brother? is he too young to know about this? i genuinely feel bad for telling him and i want to know if what i did was wrong. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 9,
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MJVABDunzusAyustE2ZW7OKwlloCNxv2 | azrfvj | {
"description": "going to tell one of my best friends he's making a mistake marrying his gf",
"pronormative_score": 67,
"contranormative_score": 19
} | AITA I’m going to tell one of my best friends he’s making a mistake marrying his gf | I am friends with both M27 and F26. And I am pretty close with them. With F26, not so much anymore. They have been dating since Sophomore year of high school and have known them since. They are engaged for about a year now and getting married in 3 months.
She is very manipulative and my friend is heavily influenced by her philosophies. He has become a completely different person over time, and has expressed notions and opinions that are definitely not coming from him.
If he wants to hang out with the guys, it’s her say and 90% of the time she says no. We are his closest friends and rarely see each other. Time spent is usually just catching up over dinner and is a very wholesome time together.
The rare dinner happened where she showed up. She mentions that he is “way more talkative than usual”. A few weeks after, in an attempt to try to make our group closer with her, we attend her birthday and played board games. Our friend is like a completely different person. He is clearly putting on a facade and wouldn’t make the jokes he would usually make or say things he usually says. He never laughs either.
Whenever I call, you can tell he’s with her when his voice is very quiet and inhibited and it’s always “I’ll call you back”. I even hear her raising her voice at him in the back sometimes.
She got a job 1.5 hours away from the city and forced him to switch jobs close to her as well. After getting married she wants to buy a house in that area- very quiet small town.
My friend works in trades and is having a change of heart. He wants to become an entrepeneur and stay in the big city. He doesnt want to live so far from friends and family and wants to pursue it. She completely hates the idea and does not support him. My opinion is that I know she is a very methodical person who goes according to plan. She probably thinks that it is risky and would want him to be safe and keep providing for her at a job he hates.
The wedding is coming up and I really feel for him. He’s one of the nicest guys in the world and he deserves so much better. I plan on taking him out for a beer and I’m just going to straight up tell him that he’s makjng the biggest mistake of his life by marrying her. AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 17,
"OTHER": 41,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 26,
"INFO": 4
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 67,
"WRONG": 19
} | RIGHT |
KmqFd73WAcinwjHkCehHY76LwEfZJ6ZW | anvauq | {
"description": "not grabbing the phone for my mom",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not grabbing the phone for my mom? | So half an hour ago, the home phone rang, and my mom said just let it ring. On the voicemail my dad was speaking, then he hung up. Although my mom had her cellphone in her hand, and i had my cellphone in my hand, she asked me to get up and go grab the home phone. When i asked why, she said it was because she didn’t want to use her cellphone. When i offered mine, she said she didn’t want it touching her face. We got into an argument, and she ultimately got up and grabbed the home phone herself. I told her I’m not going to get up for no reason, since you have your phone in your hands and I see you talking on it all the time. She said she is my mother, and that i’m supposed to do as i’m told. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
Dhw1PAVv8jRbaUJa6ncAtpKwUlZh5baK | ak96m7 | null | AITA refused to give money to guy at gas station | So I pulled in to a gas station to fill up yesterday and noticed a car pulled up close to another car that was parked at a pump. I observed the two parties talking and figured they were friends. As I was pumping gas I noticed the same car that I thought was a friend of the guy pumping gas, had made his way around the parking lot talking to all the patrons. Eventually he came to me and asked if I had any money I could spare. He had a story of how he was traveling from Kentucky to North Dakota and needed some help. My response was "sorry I cant help ya man", to which he responded " thank you and God bless". After I finished filling my tank I pulled into a parking spot and got out of the car to smoke a cigarette. As I was returning to my vehicle this guy pulled behind me blocking me in and started yelling at me. He told me he didn't like the way I had responded to him and I was a bitch for responding the way I did ( I am a 6'5 250 pound white male) and that I was going to burn in hell and will reap what I sow when God judges me. He said the bible states to help thy brother and I am the reason people are freaking out nowadays. I told him I am an atheist and don't believe in your God. That made him very angry and he proceeded to cuss me out for a good 5 minutes. Is this guy nuts or am I the asshole for not just giving in and paying him to go away. I have dealt with similar situations before if I don't give beggars money or cigarettes. Does anybody else have these kind of confrontations? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
5sSydxLXW4GVrcoFx4Cukoq2my44ABXS | 9ut6ss | {
"description": "making my girlfriend have a mental breakdown",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for making my Girlfriend have a mental breakdown? | My girlfriend of around a year has depression and anxiety. She is taking medication for both of these and is seeing a therapist regularly. Next year she wants to go to university in the Netherlands, she currently lives in east Europe. I just started studying abroad and realised how difficult and expensive it really is to settle in in a different country. Note: This is her plan as was for a pretty long time. She is already looking into universities and applications.
Today I wanted to ask her how she has the whole moving and settling in process planned out because I wanted to give her advice. We don't talk a lot about money but I know her family is not well off. So I asked her if has planned this in-depth with her parents and what her plan is. (Note: she often just does things without her parents knowing and often gets in trouble by her mom for spending too much money) She tells me she is stressing enough already and I make her feels like a failure. I said that I was pretty short-sighted when it came to monthly budgeting and upfront costs of buying cutlery, dishes, etc. She just answers "Thank you very much".
Later she tells me that this had resurfaced her suicidal thoughts, that she cried for an entire evening and she couldn't get any work done.
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
7LZzmz7FdVqdmd6ixNXKiwGmEVoiik3V | b2pmbs | {
"description": "making asian jokes to my asian friend. just because she kept sayin the n-word",
"pronormative_score": 29,
"contranormative_score": 37
} | AITA for making asian jokes to my asian friend. Just because she kept sayin the n-word. | Let me start of by saying I am black, I still withhold this opinion that only black people can say the N word, and I been told her I don’t like her saying it. It’s not a debate, go on one r/unpopularopinion for that shit Blah Blah!
So she always said N-word too much and I’m pretty sure she knew I felt iffy about it. Until I started making Asian jokes like calling her Fa-Mulan, or this emote “-.-“ just basic petty shit, then she got mad like “yo stop with the asian jokes bro.” Bitch. I asked “how is that you can say the n word 100000times, but when I make a few asian jokes, you wanna get defensive? Make it make sense dawg.” She tells me “Stfu N word” bitch. See i haven’t talked to her since because of that, that was inappropriate.
And then she said something else in a discord chat like “that was for the racist comments.” Like so you don’t think it’s not racist for you to say the N word. She tells me “it’s just a word.” Bro, like are you trying to fucking fight? So then I simply Called her a “KPOP knock off” and I’m not apologizing.
So am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 29,
"EVERYBODY": 35,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 29,
"WRONG": 37
} | WRONG |
vgSfUtwCSdj3gujim6rNctsx3suVoKOv | b9a7kd | {
"description": "ending a friendship a month after he said sorry because his behaviour didn't change",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA: For ending a friendship a month after he said sorry because his behaviour didn't change? |
A month ago it was a holiday and I decided to get drunk. I got drunk because I wanted to play and talk with my now ex-online best friend (call him Philip) since we rarely ever do that together. 30 mins after I started drinking I go to fetch more alcohol so I could get more drunk and 10 mins after that Philip says he was going to go play with a girl. I didn’t have problem with that but I was pretty bummed out about it. I thought everything was going well so I asked when they would finish and he said it would last a few hours. He then left the voice chat (VC) and I was really sad about it. I called him a cunt and then went to sleep. When I woke up I was hungover and I was in a really bad mood. I was hurting all over, I felt unwanted and betrayed.
I was sad and angry that my best friend would never prioritise me over anyone when I thought we were best friends. He’s in VCs with other people daily for long periods of time (6+ hours). I then decid that I had enough of it and just ignored him completely which lasted about 1.5 weeks when he suddenly messages me when he was drunk saying that he was sorry and felt bad about what he did. At that point my friendly feelings that I had of him were nearly completely gone, I was still upset and wasn’t interested anymore.
He pressured me and I eventually said “I can try moving on and talk again” and we started talking again but it just felt awkward. Everything said felt forced and the responses felt forced as well. I was also getting ignored more when I said anything. A week later I post some pictures and say a few things about the pics to see if he would ignore them or talk and he just ignored them. I tilted at that and told him that I was not interested anymore and that I was still upset and mad and there was nothing to show he cared about me more.
He responded that he had been smoking weed which just pissed me tf off so I created a new discord account and moved to that.
A week later I’m having loads of fun talking with other people in a new server on a new account and people say they like me and enjoy talking to me. I was feeling good. The other guy (call him George) from the original server sent me a screenshot of the server chat in which Philip said that I was childish, a cunt and can’t be a real man for a fucking minute. He also said that he hopes I "off" myself if I ever read the message.
I didn’t expect him to get that mad without messaging me trying to argue/explain his point of view which I would have read and then decided the next step. But it seems like that won’t be the case.
So, am I the asshole?
tl;dr: Online best friend ditched drunk me for a girl. I felt betrayed and really upset. I told him he was a cunt. He said sorry a week or so later. I said we could try being friends again. His behaviour didn’t change so I ended it. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
nnyIofc3EaPGzG1kamJRERMm2TVIL0b5 | b6ojcz | {
"description": "being straightforward with one of my closest friends",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for being straightforward with one of my closest friends? | One of my closest friends just recently changed careers & entered the real estate market as a real estate agent. From what he has told me, he hasn't been able to make a sale yet.
​
I have a maternal uncle as well who's also a real estate & has been for almost 20 years at this point & was the only person who received me when I first landed in Canada. And no amount of money or efforts could make me repay what I owe to him for all the support & love his family has given me & has been telling me from the start to get a house because it will be a good financial investment once I am stable enough.
​
One of my old conversation with my friend when he was about to enter the field went like this:
\[Friend\]: Buy your first house from me, okay?
We were joking about something at that point & he asked me this.
\[Me\]: lol, will do (But I forgot to tell him straight away about my uncle & I think I assumed he knew because I have told him about my Uncle many times)
​
After that, he has been bugging me asking when I am going to buy a house & he needs a sale. Those conversations were like this:
​
\[Friend\]: Hey fucker, when are you going to buy a house? I need a sale lol (Roughly translated from our native language)
​
It's my fault I believe that I went round & round & told him that I am in no position to buy one right now until my wife gets a job & gets settled here which is true & he knows I am the only one earning. He even said that if not a house, I can get you a condo.
​
Just yesterday I told him straight forward that I have kind of committed to my Uncle & he has been telling to buy a house & I will get his help. I told him I would rather disappoint him right now than him finding out later that I didn't buy a house from him.
​
Of course, he got pissed & went on to curse me & what not. I feel I am the asshole here but I still feel someone should tell if I am right or wrong.
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 7
} | WRONG |
rfurzooEwQLS1sC0DZrs7bHSoIZ0RqZb | 9y0nwk | {
"description": "saying a 4 year old russian girl can't fluently speak 7 languages",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for saying a 4 year old russian girl can't fluently speak 7 languages? | This happened around two years ago, but I just discovered this subreddit and I had an interesting argument with some roommates back in the day that I think is appropriate for discussion.
​
I (male) used to live with three women, one of which was my girlfriend, in a small three bedroom apartment. We got along really well for most of the time that we were living with one another except for this one specific incident that still bothers me to this day.
​
There's a viral video of a 4 year old russian girl "fluently" speaking seven languages. Here is the link to the video: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oa0vQh3uSdw](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oa0vQh3uSdw)
​
We were all watching this video in the living room on the TV, and after watching the video, I said something along the lines of "That's pretty cool, but there's no way that little girl fluently speaks seven languages."
My roommates challenged my logic by saying "Some people are just smarter than you, just because you couldn't speak seven languages when you were four doesn't mean she can't!"
This struck me as a kind of troll-y comment, because I in no way insinuated that I was more intelligent than this 4 year old girl-- rather; that it was very unlikely she was truly proficient in seven languages. They called me a total asshole for even remotely doubting this little Russian girl's language skills and made me feel like crap for having any doubts as to the video or the girl's legitimacy.
It became such a heated discussion that there was actual tension in the air, and ultimately I apologized to them because it seemed to really make them upset. To this day I am impressed by the girl speaking 7 clear sentences on live TV and nailing it but (and maybe I'm wrong here) there's no freaking way that ANY four year old proficiently and fluently speaks ANY languages above a basic toddler level.
AITA here lol? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Ar7WdEJT4vxB2GJqyW6f4upfCudz6mRz | alrpfc | {
"description": "telling my sister no for getting a tattoo",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 16
} | AITA for telling my sister no for getting a tattoo? | I'm not into them and I think people who have them are silly and I got sad when she told me. And so I kept telling her how I wouldn't support it and stuff. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 16,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 16
} | WRONG |
2xwg8m4ik7gX81VLcBZ9rgUtgegun9pk | b9037e | {
"description": "not wanting to \"adopt\" a special needs child",
"pronormative_score": 207,
"contranormative_score": 12
} | AITA for not wanting to "adopt" a special needs child? | Husband [32M] and I [30M] are a same sex couple, children have always been on the planning and we have both agreed early on that if we decided to have children we'd choose to adopt, more specifically adopt a slightly older kid.
My husband's sister (Emma, fake name) and her boyfriend are very problematic and will be losing custody to their 7 year old son. The reasons why are too personal to get into and not relevant now.
To avoid their son going in care and being separated from his family there have been a lot of discussions going on about who will be suitable to be the boy's legal guardian. His side of the family nominated us and my husband thinks it's a wonderful, beautiful idea. The boy is lovely but a handful and that's an understatement. He has autism and it is suspected that he has ADHD too.
* Our marriage is not the most stable currently.
* We work long hours, especially my husband works a very stressful job, fitting a child into that will be difficult and unfair. * The boy's school is very far away.
* I suffer from depression and take medications for that and right now I don't feel I have the motivation or ability to take care of another person, let alone myself.
I also feel the child deserves someone far more equipped and with more parental knowledge. I don't deal well with stress.
The other alternative is his other sister Lauren who has a psychology background, however she lives far away too and in a one bedroom shared flat.
I don't think my husband and I are suitable to take on this role for the reasons above and I have said to him. He flat out asked me if it's because of the autism, I confirmed that and he said I'm an "heartless asshole". I disagree but what like different opinions on this. AITA for not wanting to parent a special needs child? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 105,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 102,
"INFO": 6
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 207,
"WRONG": 12
} | RIGHT |
Dk3nwMzO9BNekhw1b9jE4Jgx4DxiOKXn | a56u85 | {
"description": "not getting in the car with my drunk dad",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not getting in the car with my drunk dad? | So here’s a bit of background. I just met my dad about 4 years ago. I’m 14, and he’s trying to get custody of me. He is an alcoholic, and I’m pretty sure he is racist and homophobic. Also misogynistic. But anyways, here’s what happened.
So last month, for Thanksgiving break, my dad came to see me. We went to my boyfriend’s house for his birthday. During the day, we all went to the shooting range. Everything was good. Later, we went to my bf’s house to have a small bday party. My dad brought alcohol, but he didn’t ask if he could. He was smoking in the house after bf’s mom said he can’t. He had brought his 2 year old German Shepherd, which was fine. But he started to make his GS and my bf’s pit bulls fight. He thought it was funny. He wouldn’t leave me and bf have one second alone. Dad kept putting his arm around me, like dude fuck off. At this point, I was really pissed and embarrassed. He started to throw around the N word (bf is mixed).
Around 11:00 pm, my mom showed up. Note her and dad are not in any kind of relationship, and he treats her like shit. She could tell that bf’s mom and stepdad were getting ready to just tell him to leave. Dad comes in bf’s room where me, bf, and his friend were just watching tv. He said “C’mon, it’s time to go.” We walked into the kitchen. My mom, bf, bf’s stepdad, and bf’s friend was in there. I knew my dad was drunk, and had more than just a few beers. He said again “Well, c’mon, let’s go”. I decided I would go home with my mom, since she was sober, so I said no. “What?? What did you just say??” my dad said. I said “I said NO.” He started cussing and yelling “Oh hell no, you did not just say that”. (A few years ago, my mom was in an abusive relationship, and my dad just then reminded me of the douchebag she had dated).
His yelling caused my mom to start yelling, and she was trying to calm him down. My mom and bf’s mom said that I didn’t need to be in the car with him, and told him he should head to our house. My dad tried to grab my arm, I fucking yelled and he stomped out of the house. I was shaking and crying, and my bf and his stepdad came and hugged me. He drove off. This was so fucking embarrassing, especially since it was on my bf’s birthday.
When we got to our house, my dad was yelling and packing his things. Me and mom live with my grandma, she is the one who has custody of me. He told her that he didn’t give 2 shits if I didn’t come to his house for Christmas. He got in my face and yelled “You listen to your fucking father. Your the child, and I am the adult!” Then he drove off.
The next morning he came by and “apologized”. I told him it was ok, we are human, we all make mistakes. The next day he texted me, and said we still needed to talk(?) I called him, and he said that regardless of if he was drunk, I should have gotten in the car and listened to him. I told him that he made me feel embarrassed, and he said “Well, who provoked it?? You should have listened to your father (keep in mind he hasn’t been in my life for the majority of it; and I never see him). He brought up Christmas break, and I told him I don’t wanna come. He got pissed. I tried to tell him why, but with everything I said, he just kept questioning me and acting like a child. I finally just said I need to get ready for school tomorrow and told him I loved him and hung up. As soon as I did, he called my grandma. He started yelling, telling lies, and just being a jerk. She hung up. A few days later, he texted me. He began to put the blame on me for everything. He wasn’t taking any responsibility.
So yeah, a few other things happened, but that’s pretty much the situation. He did things like this a few times before. Sorry if I didn’t format this right or anything, thanks for reading. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Z0tSVAyquPPzdWNusIKd9U3w1HSgxkZW | a39u2t | {
"description": "not wanting my preteen nephew to sleep in the bed with wife and I",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA For not wanting my preteen nephew to sleep in the bed with wife and I? | First post ever and I’m wondering if I’m the asshole here. Nephew is 2 years shy of 13 and has been staying with my wife, of 15 years, and I for the past couple of months due to family medical issues. Staying with us for an extended period of time is ok - sharing our bed on the daily with him is a bit much at his age in my opinion.
My wife wants him to sleep with her every night in our bed and it turns into an argument every night that it’s brought up. I give a gentle no and she turns eventually very angry and hateful. He’s still slept in our bed 6-7 nights because of finally breaking me down after hours of arguing, him coming in after we’re asleep saying he’s scared or just can’t sleep, or I finally go sleep on the couch after my wife gets so angry she’s ready to end our relationship over me sticking to a hard “no” on him sleeping with us. When I say angry, I mean level 10 having never seen her get this angry, angry.
She will eventually go sleep in the other room with him because he wants her to and will cry when she doesn’t and blames me for her not getting good sleep as a result. It’s not out of the ordinary for him to cry when he doesn’t get his way. Claims are that I have no compassion and I’m heartless for “making” the two of them sleep in the other room. Side note - she is welcome to sleep in our bed at any time without issue, but I’m “hurting his feelings” by telling him that he can’t sleep in our bed.
Am I The Asshole here or what? It seems pretty reasonable to me to want a good night sleep without a third person crowding the bed. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 18,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 21,
"WRONG": 8
} | RIGHT |
TgpGsUTL7jKBD3jx0fhK8Bg48O3nVGaa | ay4hf5 | {
"description": "not letting my wife buy an expensive vacuum",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not letting my wife buy an expensive vacuum? | TL;DR My wife said we would watch a demo for an expensive vacuum cleaner to help a friend with no intention of purpose. After seeing demo she now wants the vacuum, and I said no. She is now mad and calling me unreasonable for not being more open to the idea.
​
So this all started with a quick conversation with my wife during the week. She advised her friend was part of a MLM for "Rainbow" vacuum cleaners, and needed to demo them for people. My wife volunteered us to host a demo, but said we weren't going to purchase as we were just helping her friend hit her quota for demos. I thought this was fine, and definitely didn't want a new vacuum as we just spent about $300 on a new one in November.
​
We host the demo, and the vacuum definitely works very well, but it is also $2,500. My wife is super caught up in getting the vacuum cleaner now, as it can help with allergies, stop asthma, etc. I say no we are not getting the vacuum cleaner, and that she put me in a bad position, since we originally had no intention of purchasing the vacuum. No I look like a jerk who doesn't want to spend money in front of my wife's friend, and my wife is mad at me for not being more open to spending the money.
​
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
olVmgGrw9OxJALWFha0W4y7Qk1ozI2xj | b5iqoc | {
"description": "asking a girl that has a crush on me to set me up with her friend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 11
} | AITA for asking a girl that has a crush on me to set me up with her friend? | So this year, a new girl moved to my school, and I started crushing on her hard. Let's call her Gwen. I don't have any classes with her this semester, and I really want to find some way to hang out with her.
Problem is, it seems luck isn't on my side: we don't have the same lunch, we don't have any of the same classes, and the extracurricular activities she's in are stuff I can't join, being a guy (lacrosse team, cheerleading).
So I turned to my last resort, my friend Lindsey. So, Lindsey and I have been friends since 8th grade, and she's also on the lacrosse team with and is friends with Gwen. So she seems like the perfect person to ask to set something up between me and Gwen, right?
Problem is, she has a crush on me. She doesn't know that I know, but her friends have told me. I don't really feel the same way and just say he as a friend, so I pretend I don't know so things don't getawkward.
And I didn't really want to ask her, and looked for all other options, cause I feel like it's kinda a jerk move to ask a girl who has a crush on you to set you up with her friend. But I really want to find some way to hang out with Gwen, and I don't have any other options.
So I did. I told Lindsey I like Gwen and asked her to set us up. She agreed, but I feel like kind of a jerk.
Am I? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 11
} | WRONG |
eAYprYSghCi4ovzkm2RB1LW11SIFpvxA | a2mxxg | {
"description": "losing respect for my friend because of his new girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for losing respect for my friend because of his new girlfriend? | Basically, my friend and a girl we knew started getting closer recently, and now they’re dating. The problem is, we found out a while ago (before they got close) that she had sent nude pics to my friend’s friend (the two of them didn’t have any relationship). I found myself losing respect for her because of this, and since my friend got close with her I’m losing respect for him too. He said that he’d never date a girl who’d do what she did but he ended up sinking to this level anyway, and I was really disappointed in him even though it’s nothing that bad. Now I can’t see either of them in the same way and I just feel very little respect for either of them. I don’t insult, ignore or harass either of them or do anything like that, I just personally can’t respect them as people, even though that sounds really bad. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
8pgBSSfgCMb04fPKP3DIntVYKdQIFUIv | b8txf2 | {
"description": "not getting my GF anything for her birthday",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 18
} | AITA For Not Getting My GF Anything For Her Birthday? | It was my gf's 23rd birthday today, I'm M22 and we've been together for about 1 year now. I took her out to dinner which was around $60 so not bad for 2 people. And when we got home I went down on her for a long time so I think she had a pretty good birthday. I was gonna get her a card but I thought she wasn't really into birthdays, for my birthday she got me a card and made me my fave dinner. I feel like what I did was enough but she was visibly mad and I asked her why and she said its because I'm making good money at my job (75k this yr) and I should have bought her something small at least.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 17,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 18
} | WRONG |
lYTpzTg42BCX3ESIuHay76p3yvYuaJdD | ag9qh3 | {
"description": "calling out my best friends for fighting over our guy friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for calling out my best friends for fighting over our guy friend? | TLDR: I (24f) confronted my two best friends (23f, 23f) (since high school) for both being into + excessively flirting with our other best friend (23m) despite the fact that we have all been best friends for years. Am I the asshole?
I have been best friends with the same friend group for over 10 years now- since high school. We are three girls and one guy. Recently our guy friend (23m) has matured and become rather attractive. We were helping him find a gf.
I (24f) am in a happy and loving relationship with my bf of 3 years. One of my best friends, let’s call her X (23f) recently went through a really bad breakup, and the other, let’s call her Y (also 23f) has been in an on/off but now sort of steady relationship with her bf of 5~ years.
Recently I found out during a big argument between X and Y that they are both very attracted to our mutual guy friend and were basically fighting over him. Y knew him longer and was closer to him so she felt entitled to him even though she has a boyfriend and X was single so she felt it was her right to be able to flirt with him. Considering we have all been best friends for so long I personally find it weird and kinda gross. I see him as a brother.
After X and Y “made up” around a week later, the four of us hung out and reddit, let me tell you, I have never felt more uncomfortable with my “friends” in my life. They were blatantly flirting with him and trying to one-up each other to the point where the three of them were cuddling in MY BED. I felt like a fourth wheel.
The night eventually ended and I confronted both of them separately, telling them I’d like to spend time with them just us girls because I feel a little bit uncomfortable with our guy friend around. I told them about feeling like a fourth wheel. They seemed to take it well.
Fast forward to now, it has been 2 weeks since we all hung out ( we usually hang out 1-2 times a week and have a pretty active group chat) . The group chat is dead. X is in minimal contact with me and Y has pretty much dropped off the face of the earth. I’m pretty sure they are both avoiding me and think I am in the wrong about this. Am I the asshole for confronting them about this?
Thanks reddit. I’m genuinely confused here. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
muxSbHJNnOGDhdNnVmzFktoqVQWBUg85 | b2glwd | {
"description": "not standing my aunt",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA if i can't stand my aunt | ok so i (f,17) don't like my aunt; i used to like her when i was a child but i feel like lately (especially after she had 2 kids) she has become very manipulating and opportunistic.
Everytime i'm planning to do something (like going out or on a brief vacation) she always tries to butt in so that i can look after her kids while she has her own day out/vacation, i also feel like she's very invasive since she's constantly asking abt my private life and making comments on my body.
Anyway, the real issue is that in may i'll be back home from school and my mom wants to throw a small party, i already asked her not to invite my aunt but i kinda feel like an asshole because me and my aunt used to be very close, should i invite her anyway?
(p.s. bear with me if i made any mistakes, first post) | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
dNQXrevdfBXOSg5enY6VkCFyADEQrIIW | b8pubi | {
"description": "refusing to help my boyfriend with his VR world building project",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for refusing to help my boyfriend with his VR world building project? | My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over two and a half years now. We’re both pretty big nerds; his interests are mainly science and biotech, mine are history and philosophy, which I have a degree in. He’s really gotten into the idea of immersive, full dive VR and is doing a world building exercise where he’s come up with classes and spell buffs and armor and weapon stats-all that good stuff. I’ve tried engaging with him, but I might have done it all wrong. The texts are down below, you guys can see for yourselves. I’m mainly upset because he has a tendency to hyper focus on things like battle mechanics and like that; which is awesome! No game can thrive without it. But I’ve always liked games with lots of lore and backstory, I’ve been a big fantasy fan since I was little. I mentioned that I would really enjoy doing the things that he would just farm out to the AI like coming up with backstory and class conflicts and he said it was all “boring human bullshit” and he doesn’t want to do that. Am I the asshole for having my feelings hurt and not wanting to help him at all anymore?
https://imgur.com/a/ZzwxyXy | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
wpjQElRtJIvHK4s5EsCDKryeBfSdECm9 | avlazt | {
"description": "staying out after dark when visiting injured friend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For staying out after dark when visiting injured friend? | Friend of mine ive known for years fell and seriously hurt herself recently. So I decided I was gonna get her some things and take them out to her house. She lives kinda in the middle of nowhere. Told I was gonna come over at some point and just kinda let myself in. We both do this all the
e time and want an issue. We hung out for a bit. Like 2 hours. I left after telling her I hoped she felt better soon. Not at all an issue. Got home and my mother was just getting home as well. My mother was *pissed* I got home after dark. Because she was "worried" but here's the thing, shes never was worried when IRA for a church event if I'm put in the middle of goddamn nowhere with church friends. So am I the asshole here? I should mention I left when it was already getting dark and no one told me I couldn't.
I'm 21[F] by the way
TLDR: went to visit an injured friend and my mother got mad by I came home after it's gotten dark | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
G7Hw32inlMCRDN9fjGdwAHOKfyc1QurT | aqfvoc | {
"description": "not buying my girlfriend flowers on Valentines day",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not buying my girlfriend flowers on Valentines day | Last year I picked up a single long stem rose for my girlfriend on my way home from University on Valentines day despite me not really celebrating or endorsing the day.
We've discussed at length that I don't really care much for valentine's day (I always make sure to celebrate her birthday and our anniversary). I just think the day is more for businesses than it is for couples. I always make an effort to treat her well every other day and will often grab her small surprises if I'm coming home from work or uni like her favourite chocolate or a bubble tea. Nothing massive but little gifts that show I love her.
I also don't just ignore Valentines day either - I always set the day aside for her. This year we went to breakfast and had planned to go for a picnic lunch but I had to drop my youngest sister at work for my parents who are currently taking care of my other sister who just had surgery the day before Valentines. So I asked to move our picnic to the evening/dusk, she loves sunsets and it'll be a little cooler than mid day in summer in the park. I thought it would be fine however she is complaining a bit about how it is interfering with the day.
I bought her a rose last year but the previous one I did not, instead opting for a special day/night that ended with us hand making Gnocchi and eating it by candle light. Last year we did something similar so I wanted to change things up this year with the picnic.
On top of all this I recently started a new job and my PhD which is draining a lot of my time and energy - I've communicated this to my girlfriend but I find myself a bit frustrated still. I come home in the evenings and do my best to spend that time with her, I'll help make dinner or make it and I'll wash up, then we'll chill on the bed and chat for an hour, usually more, about the day and other things. I feel as though I'm not really getting down time between these things (I appreciate some time to chill out and play a couple hours of video games or watch some Netflix to unwind). I don't have a great deal of energy for Valentine's day but took the time off my PhD to spend the time with my girlfriend because I love her and thought she would appreciate it.
Despite this she has been somewhat passive aggressive in the way we've discussed me not getting her flowers. We went to the store earlier to buy some food for the picnic and I tried to pick her up a nice rose from a florist she likes but she insisted I not do that. There have been tears today from her but she won't tell me what exactly has upset her so much.
And after all this I still feel guilty as fuck. I feel as though I am a good partner, better than many, I always make an effort to make my girlfriend feel loved, I just don't really like Valentines day. Yet,. I still feel like shit. So reddit, am I the ass hole?
Ps. Sorry for the formatting I'm on mobile. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
Txwz72wcoo4pGOmwN28SqeCFWdq1xzD8 | b822ky | {
"description": "snapping at my parents to stop when they've asked me the same question for the past few years",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for snapping at my parents to stop when they've asked me the same question for the past few years | My parents have been pushing me to learn a new language faster which is beneficial for me and yes I have been doing my best to learn and practice with other speakers. All in all I'm happy to be picking it up. The problem arises when nearly every other day I get a "Have you been talking to your local friends more?" "You should speak more X language" "Why won't you speak X more with us?" They've done this before with many other recurring questions which honestly makes me feel like I'm a child that has to be reminded constantly of something even though I'm 20.
The answer is always the same "Yes." Because I have and I know I'm doing my best. But it's been going on for so damn long (technically my whole life but more so in the past 2 years) and I fuelled by building annoyance and hormones I snapped and told them to "get off my back for 2 damn seconds". My dad responded by saying that I shouldn't be mad because they're just asking out of concern and that if someone is asking out of concern, you shouldn't get mad at them. In a way I get that, and I'm feeling kinda assholeish for going off on him like that, but at the same time I've already told him that constantly asking me the same question makes me super annoyed which he responds with "well you shouldn't". I'm now more mad about how he won't just respect my wishes and not ask me every other day and can't tell if I'm just being a hormonal bitch, or my dad is really just being a mosquito about it.
Not exactly related to whether I'm the asshole but my relationship with my parents ain't good to begin with, mainly cause my mom is a narc and my dad is an enabler so trust and respect on my side is basically not there anymore, which may have influenced why I've been more impatient with them. Also I happen to be on my period so quite literally hormonal and in pain so I don't trust my own judgement too much here. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
m5driM0IyhcMlE4PEu3grwfuSKFgocOk | apx0wo | {
"description": "asking for house owners to pay for all of my broken computer",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for asking for house owners to pay for all of my broken computer? | TL; DR at the bottom.
So a little backstory, I'm a DJ. I produce music both for myself and others, and I also do live shows. Usually I charge between $150-250 a show. There is a house of guys across the street from where I live, so whenever they throw a party, I DJ. I've done around five shows, but since these guys are my friends, I haven't been charging them. At the last party, I did my thing for a couple hours then went home early. I left my gear there so the people still there could listen to music. I know it's a stupid idea, but I had done it for all the parties before this one and there had never been any porblem. This time, I came back the next day and there was alcohol spilled all over my MacBook pro, my speakers, and my turn tables. My MacBook is completely toast, and my turn tables are extremely sticky. I brought up the mac to the guys and it turns out none of the guys saw what happened, so they agreed to split the cost and pay for it. Today I found out they planed on having me pay for part of it, to which I responded by saying that it wasn't my fault that my equipment was broken. I feel like they should be responsible, because I had asked them to not let anyone touch my stuff, but I also feel like I share a little bit of the blame for leaving my stuff there. Am I the asshole for asking them to pay for the computer?
TL;DR: Mac broke at house party. No one knows who broke it, so I'm asking the hosts to pay for it. They've asked me to pay for part, but I feel like they should cover it all. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
0djwjpLgWEbZxXB4qwnsVdDZgNubNCdk | axjh3o | {
"description": "not telling my girlfriend that I used to date her best friend",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not telling my girlfriend that I used to date her best friend? | I'm gonna get right into it, basically, a few years ago, I dated this girl. We dated for about 3 months before she broke up with me because she had to move away to another state. We stayed friends, and occasionally we would Skype. About 4 years after we broke up, I met a girl. She was funny, she was smart, just about everything I wanted in a girl. We only ever talked on Snapchat because she lived in the state that my ex lived in. One day, I decided to go down to her house and surprise her for her birthday. When I got there, I knocked on the door, flowers and chocolates in hand, and it felt like a teen movie. She invited me in, and I sat down on the couch. Then I noticed something. She had framed photos of her and my ex. I thought it was weird, so when she came back from the bathroom, I asked her who the other girl was. She said, and I quote, 'Oh, that's my best friend blankity blank, we've known each other since primary school. I felt this sinking feeling in my gut. I said to her, 'Oh, we used to date!'. Me being the idiot I am, I didn't realise how stupid it was to say that. Her face fell, and she asked me to repeat myself. I said it again in a more confused tone. She said that I should have told her that I dated her, and we got in a fight about how I didn't know they were friends, and I didn't know I was supposed to tell her every girl I've ever been with. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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h3d1VTx0qwq7YJlcYf15eGy3DIpBGxxO | am6pz9 | {
"description": "not wanting to be friends with a person who's depressed and need emotional support",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to be friends with a person who's depressed and need emotional support? | This is a very long story, but I tried my best to make it as short as possible! Also, English is not my first language, so this will have a lot of grammar mistakes...
Emma: The girl who we don't want to be friends with anymore
So 9 years ago Emma, me and my twin became kinda friends since we were classmates. We only talked a little, but I would say that she was our friend.
A couple of years from that, my twin, Emma and two more girls became close and began to hang out together. They would play together (they were on 4th grade) and do all kinds of fun stuff. Anyways, I started noticing that sometimes Emma would hit my twin's head and my twin would come home with bloody head(bc the headband she was wearing had little spikes). I thought it was odd that friend would do that but I ignored it. A year later, Emma's mom and sister passed away(cancer) so the whole class gave her loads of support. We did everything for her and she didn't do anything in school(example: when teacher asked her to read, she just said no and didn't even look). Well we all understood since she was in a lot of emotional pain. A couple of months later Emma and the two other girls would discriminate against my twin to the point where they didn't talk at all. They would also sometimes call her names and such.
Well, a few months later, the two other girls just disappeared (didn't want to be friends with her) and somehow we(my twin, me and Emma) became "best friends". She then began to act super weirdly. She would ask constantly about where we were, at what time we would arrive, if we were late she asked if we were dead and stuff like that. Emma would grab our bag or our hoods when we were walking which made us VERY uncomfortable (we do not like to be touched at all!) but since we are super shy, we didn't say a thing. Emma started commanding us to do basic stuff for her, like take her keys or water bottle from her bag or make us bring her school papers from the front of the class. Things escalated quite a bit, and she began to talk about her 'kill list', some torturing devices she designed, self harm and her suicidal thoughts. Things that we didn't want to hear. We became even more quiet, to the point where we didn't sometimes want to answer her stuff(like when she judges people's appearance). She then started hitting my twin when we didn't answer.
We decided to tell our guidance counselor about that and she came to the conclusion that making a child welfare report would be the best. She did it and we thought "okay great, now she gets help, everything will become normal now!" Well, she sent us a super long text about how unfair and meant we were and that she would be okay if we took a break from the friendship, which we agreed to but we didn't want to start argue so we didn't deny the statements she made about us .
We had made some mutual friends from our dance crew and we thought that this "thing" that happened wouldn't affect the friendships. Well, Emma was fast to tell them that we were bullies and we "reported her to the authorities" and we made things up. So she took our "good" friends, at least we thought they were, and now we have only each other. The "friends" attacked us on social media media saying "how could you do this to someone whos mom and sister are dead???" and stuff like that.. And since I'm super shy and stuff, I feel super guilty about this whole situation. AITA?
Tl;dr: Me and my twin told our guidance counselor about our friend's kill list and she called us bullies and liars and we lost our friends because of that.
Again, English is not my first language, so I am terribly sorry for all the mistakes! | HISTORICAL | {
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DE0MKKljjVoaJ0zRF1sTC1OVh85TTbhk | b1yyw7 | {
"description": "farting at a gas station",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for farting at a gas station | So, this just happened a few minutes ago. I jumped out of the van with my family in it, and promptly passed some especially stinky gas. I looked over at one of the other pumps nearby, and there's an older lady there, sitting in the car with her door open. I'm sure she could smell my rank air pollution.
I definitely didn't want to pass gas inside my car, since my wife and kids were in there. And I always figure that the gas station already smells pretty bad, with all of the gasoline fumes wafting about. But, of course my contribution to the stench was totally different, and would probably catch you off guard. I just didn't expect to see someone chilling with their car door open.
She promptly closed her door, didn't say anything or do anything to make me feel like she was upset, so this story isn't anything, but I figured I'd still post since it might be fun to hear some opini
Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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j0nrOOMzORtuIROSYWiv4ASCGkdmfXpD | anvfy9 | null | AITA got called and asked if i could come into work | Obviously from my other post my car is with my girlfriend at her job so I don't have a car here, I got a call from the manager asking if I could come in today because a co workers S/O was taken to the ER. Would not finding a way into work make me a asshole? It's 23° I really don't feel like taking my motorcycle. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
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} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
Umu8DfCiK8zOtwvpYrc4R0WEXb16AM4D | 9wadx5 | {
"description": "wanting sex in a Dead Bedroom relationship",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA For Wanting Sex In a Dead Bedroom Relationship? | So to preface this, my GFs been going through some stuff, as a while ago she was in an abusive relationship and will be going to trials against him, etc.
We've been together since the beginning of last November, and at first things were great, but we've had problems since last February/March, and haven't had sex since then. It causes problems, and more importantly I've distanced myself recently due to feeling like she was uninterested, as she rarely wants to hang out with me, primarily when it's anywhere private, and has shown no interest in sex and blocked my attempts/requests.
Tonight she confessed she thought I was cheating on her, and we got into a long talk about it, where she said she was not in a state where she'd be ready or willing to have sex, and that she'd understand if I didn't want to be with her because of it, and she felt that she couldn't be what I wanted to be.
Of course I understand her situation and for this long have been supportive of her and never pushed her too hard on having sex, nor have I insulted her for it, but I find myself more upset and frustrated at the growing length of no sexual interest on her part.
I've even had feelings of anger that maybe she's uninterested in me and cheating on the side, considering the amount of excuses as to why she never wanted to go out places or be somewhere private. For the moment I need to decide if I really want to stick through it for a possibly indefinite amount of time until she's comfortable with having sex. I'm unsure of at what point it'd be considered unreasonable to wait any longer.
My question is, is it wrong to be upset with a partner if they are unwilling to have sex, even for (obviously) justifiable reasons? | HISTORICAL | {
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oHPE4nsk1SKWYuCaQAI6UZMLp1bigyGA | b4feax | null | AITA | Okay so this is a question about traffic in general I guess, but a specific situation. On my commute home, I take an exit from the highway, then make a left onto the county road from there.
Under normal circumstances, there are two lanes which turn left. However the bridge over the highway has been under construction for about a year.
Due to this roadwork, as you get off the highway at the exit, the lanes merge together after about 100 yards or so, then you make the left over the highway.
There are flashing lights and signs as you taste the exit letting drivers know to merge over before making the left.
Every day, most people merge as early as they can because we all have to get into the one lane and it's easier if you're just there. However also every day, some people ride up the other lane as far as humanly possibly, then merge over at the last second, most of the time not using a blinker, and essentially cutting everyone else waiting to make the turn and who merged reasonably.
Kind of a dick move, but lately, as ive been in traffic waiting, ive taken it upon myself to at a certain point, shift to take up both lanes so people don't drive past all the people waiting to then merge at the last second in front of everybody.
I usually get dirty looks and/or horns but I just think its a dick move and it bugs me. But if I'm actually the asshole I won't do it anymore so I dunno. Let me know | HISTORICAL | {
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sfa4h6mNOMmS0C8MYfSAhMFoG6DltPy6 | aumfyi | {
"description": "being upset that my girlfriend didn't eat with me at my birthday Dinner",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA For Being Upset That My Girlfriend Didn't Eat With Me at My Birthday Dinner? | So as a bit of a preface this happened back in November, and we're past it; however, I'm still wondering if I was in the wrong here.
For my birthday, my girlfriend was taking me out to dinner. We were originally going to go to a local pizza place, but we discovered they were closed the night we had planned to go out, so I asked if we could go to a local sushi bar. Now I knew she wasn't a fan of Chinese or Japanese food, but we had eaten there before, and I asked several times if she would rather go somewhere else for my birthday. She insisted that it was fine, and she wanted to do what I wanted.
Well, we get to the restaurant, and I order and look to her and she says she's not eating anything. This made me feel awkward because she was paying and I felt rushed through the meal since she wasn't eating with me and I knew she hadn't had dinner.
I was mostly upset because she thought that eating sushi was what I wanted to do for my birthday when what I was looking forward to was going out with her. I never got angry, but she could tell I was upset. That night when we went to bed she started crying saying she was sorry for ruining my birthday. I told she hadn't and explained why I was upset by her not eating.
Anyway, AITA in this situation? I felt bad that she got so upset, but I also find it odd that she thought this dinner wouldn't be awkward for me. | HISTORICAL | {
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GMjqNZZcYoLsOSMIf4WoRESoqAa1cN8a | b9olp3 | {
"description": "not telling my best friend that I accidentally outed him to four people",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | WIBTA if I didn't tell my best friend that I accidentally outed him to four people? | Basically, I know I'm an asshole for betraying his trust in the first place by telling one person. I feel really bad about it already, but I wanted to know if I would be the asshole if I didn't tell him that the one person I told went and told three of his friends. Here's the context to the story:
I was fighting with this best friend, and my boyfriend (at the time, who is now an ex) asked me what was wrong. The problem my best friend and I had couldn't be explained without his sexuality as a context, so I made my boyfriend promise not to tell anyone and that this was really important and could ruin his life if it got out (his parents are very homophobic and threatened to kick him out of the house). Anyways, my boyfriend assured me that he wouldn't tell anyone, so I trusted him and told him the story. He was the first person I told about my best friend, and I felt guilty but assured myself he would keep it under wraps like what he promised.
Flash forward a few months later, I break up with him because I don't think it's going to work. Anyways, I find out today from his friend that he told three of his friends (including the friend who told me) about my best friend. His friend says they've known for four months now, and says they have pretty much forgotten about it and don't plan to tell anyone. Now I'm not sure if that can be trusted, considering my trust was violated the first time. His friend says that if I tell my best friend about this, it would cause unnecessary drama for everyone. He says his friends would automatically know it was him who told me and would be mad at him and lose their trust in him. He's trying to tell me that I shouldn't tell my best friend about this because a.) his friendship is on the line and b.) it would restart drama that was already forgotten.
I am conflicted because on one hand, my best friend has a right to know that others know about him. It is his secret after all, and it is my fault for telling my ex-boyfriend in the first place. If he gets mad at me, then I should take it because I deserve it. On the other hand, I'm afraid telling him would make my ex's friend who told me mad and that he would have to go through the drama with his friends for "betraying their trust" and telling me.
So WIBTA if I didn't tell my best friend about this?
TLDR; I was fighting with my best friend who is gay at the time, and my then boyfriend (now ex) asked me what was wrong. The problem we were fighting about couldn't be explained without my best friend's sexuality in context, so I told my boyfriend and made him promise not to tell anyone. He tells three of his friends once I break up with him.
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
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EEnIbXJVSPRTqfFX8ndhWm1WqlYjqjCX | aqu7ws | null | AITA. My mum is “drugging me” | So ever since I was diagnosed with adhd I had to take my tablets to stop it. But every single pill I have ever taken I have openly stated I hate so eventually my mum and dad gave up and let me go to school without taking them. But my mum decided to start making me breakfast in bed and apparently she would put the contents of the pill in my bowl And let me eat it. I found this out as today they forgot to take the capsule out off the cereal. So am I in the wrong for getting annoyed at her | HISTORICAL | {
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b0TIzIYXsGnJQdNbL0s1oQ8n7Q0YwZ1t | aj9yxe | {
"description": "being ungrateful to my mother",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being ungrateful to my mother? | My (17f) mother constantly makes fun of me in terms of how I look ever since I was a small kid, for example "You are getting so fat.", "Your eyes are so small.", and "Your skin looks so dark." etc. (I am asian but she has big eyes and lighter skin) I would get a bit upset but she will just laugh and thinks it's very funny. When I was 9 I wanted to start playing piano so she arranged lessons for me, but after it got more serious she wasn't that supportive so I was practicing on my own. She wouldn't be that willing to take me to competitions and to concerts in which I had to play in. However I would get angry when she asks if she could not come so I would drag her with me. When she gets there she wouldn't pay attention to the music because classical music is pretty boring to some people so she ends up scrolling on her phone. I would feel pretty hurt but at least she still took me to the venue.
​
She often makes judgements against people when we are out such as "Her stomach is hanging out how gross is that", "How could she wear that out" and this includes many racist remarks against black people, the muslim community and anyone who don't identify as straight. When I speak out about this she would get angry at me and say how she is only saying all this because we are close and I am her daughter and that I need to stop being fake being a "good" person. I was clinically diagnosed with major depression and anxiety around January 2018 and she was pretty devastated. She does not know anything about mental health and a year leading up to 2017 I became very agitated and would refuse to talk to her so she would say even more mean things like I am a curse and a demon etc. My self esteem and confidence were at a new low and I couldn't get out of bed in the morning in which she will resort to violence. This has always been the case since I was young and crying wasn't allowed as she found it obnoxious so she would threaten me with more violence if I continued. I started playing games extensively around September 2016 and couldn't care for anything else. So she ended up taking away my gaming things which later she would destroy as I no longer felt safe in the house and ended up going to Centrelink to ask for youth allowance for people aged under 18 and wants to move out. When she knew I tried to leave she beat the crap out of me, ripped apart my monitor and tossed the whole PC into the bin. Though later she replaced them.
I do admit she had always been very generous with paying for my expenses though she would always complain how I am a waste of money, and what a failure I am. I received a scholarship to my school because I had good grades but as my mental health deteriorated my grades dropped as well. Though she just ended up becoming more angry because I played more games instead of studying. All the constant comparing with my friends and other people, purposely scolding me when other people are present. I feel scared when I see her as she always end up lecturing me about something and just more scolding. She says I am ashamed of her because we aren't as rich as some of my friends and that she can't speak english as well. When I tell her how nice and understanding my friend's mother had been she became very defensive and said if I thought she was so nice then I should just go live with her.
​
Dad has never really played a role in educating me as he is not good with words and parents have constantly fighting about money and divorce. She had just handed in forms for divorce a week ago to the court. I just think I have lost lots of respect for my mother as she always had been manipulative and would threaten me to do things, she made me feel like a failure, a sub-human and someone who is not deserving of anything. I have tried to talk to her about this several times but every time she just ends up being defensive and would get angry at me for being ungrateful. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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RnUBmMM7rzgfKfFN9tcqxV1IAZaFU23i | b5093s | {
"description": "accusing my sister of theft",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for accusing my sister of theft? | Throwaway because my brother reddits. A couple months ago my little sister (16) came home from school with a brand new pair of AirPods. She said one of her friends gave them to her for free because he had an extra pair, and felt bad that she didn't have a pair (she is allowed to listen to music in school as a special accommodation). I thought it was weird that someone would just give her $150 headphones on a whim, but she said his family was rich. I've asked my parents if they believe her story several times since then, and every time they just say to drop it and move on.
2 days ago she came home from school again with an iPad that she said a different friend gave to her for free. She said that her friend bought a new iPad, and didn't need this older one. Even though the iPad isn't new, I looked it up and it's worth at least $250. My parents are complicit, saying that she's lucky for having rich friends. I was skeptical after the headphones, but I can't imagine any reason why two of her friends would give her very expensive gifts for no reason - it wasn't her birthday, etc.
This morning I called her out and said I didn't believe her. I basically asked her if her friends parents knew their kids were giving their stuff away for free, and if we could contact them to confirm that. She got pretty defensive, saying she shouldn't have to and we should believe her, and then locked herself in her room. I talked with my mom after, and told her I suspected that either the electronics stolen, or she was stealing money from my parents pay for them. She told me to drop it, though she has noticed money missing from her purse over the last few months. My sister had never worked, which is understandable as she's only 16, but that means she has no money.
AITA? I know I'm not her parent and that I'm not in charge of her, but I'm not sure why they aren't taking this more seriously. | HISTORICAL | {
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vLsH9DVAS5LZWC0rsx9TxLwDw1tV0KSf | aom8zo | {
"description": "reaching out to a friend I confessed feelings for",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for reaching out to a friend I confessed feelings for? | Ok - long story short: in October, I made a friend at work with whom I became infatuated. She is married and there is no possibility of anything happening between us, but that didn't stop me from swooning over her every text message. I did not tell her about these feelings or make any kind of advance since I had no real expectation of being with her, so for the past few months we've been talking regularly and hanging out on occasion as friends. No big deal.
​
Cut to 2 weeks ago. I had finally come to terms with the fact that this has become a very unhealthy situation for me, and I probably need some time and space from it. I wanted to tell her this in person, but I did not have the courage to look her in the eye and a) confess my feelings, and b) tell her I need to back away for a bit. So I sent her a text explaining that I'd caught feelings, it had become unhealthy, and I thought she deserved a friend who was in it for the right reasons. So I'd need to back away for a bit. She was gracious, if cold, in her reply: she said she'd had no idea about my feelings, that she hopes she didn't do anything to make them worse, and that she respects my decision.
​
We haven't spoken much at all since then, and I have gone well out of my way to avoid her at work because I do NOT want to make her feel creeped on or uncomfortable. Any contact we have had has been muted and pretty cold from her end. But, in the time since I sent her the feelings text, I've realized that the way I wrote it likely implied that I only ever became friends with her because I want her. SO, I've spent the day drafting a letter explaining carefully that our friendship - the ACTUAL friendship we'd built over the past months - was not part of some long-term agenda to be with her, and that my feelings are incidental to the friendship. I can't stand her thinking that our whole friendship was a lie, and I've already told her that my hope is for us to be close again someday.
​
AITA or WIBTA for reaching out to make her to understand that I didn't have bad intentions? Have I forfeited my right to try and explain myself to my friend? | HISTORICAL | {
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nwOd3M5qZkpZquMXufsiYsSZwdYubMnK | b3wr6x | {
"description": "cutting my girlfriend's hair after she asked me to",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for cutting my girlfriend’s hair after she asked me to? | Long story short, my girlfriend asked me to cut the damaged part of her hair off after some bleaching some months ago. She had some bad split ends and I chopped those and the bleached bit off and now she’s mad at me for destroying her hair. I let her know I had no idea what I was doing and she still wanted me to cut it. It’s too short. I’ve only cut my own hair before and that’s been with trimmers. That was about four years ago. Am I the asshole here?
As a side note, I shaped up the back of her head and that looks good now. Straight lines and no flyaways. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | RIGHT |
AvXsA8QU6XjVwW3p9vdGhsyawwtTwqgQ | asgw86 | {
"description": "being genuinely unhappy about adults drinking around children",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for being genuinely unhappy about adults drinking around children? | We're Americans. We love our beer, our cocktails, our wine, our parties and our children. But can we keep them separate? Every year I am confronted with dozens of adults who join us for extended weekends on our houseboat, with our children and their children. It's hot, I mean it. 103 - 110 degrees. Adults drink, kids see it, adults do funny things, kids see it. Adults lose their tempers or get agitated, kids see it. Lots of food, lots of water skiing, fishing, tubing, all is well. I mean these guys are firefighters. Doesn't that make it okay? AITA for thinking its not okay? Oh and my DH is the ringleader and I am put down, told I am the "funsucker", over ruled, made to feel uncomfortable and generally the loner. And yes, I have no power to stop this. AITA? Oh yes, they are drunk.
​
Every year my DH has his friends over for Halloween trick or treating. They drink yet again, walk around with a beer, or a strong cocktail, even get drunk. I have voiced my opinion, "This is a kids holiday, let the kids enjoy it without alcohol being present. Adults can do adult things when it's not a kids holiday" The result of my opinion is that annually I am made fun of, "remember how mad you were? hahahah" I'm still mad. It really ticks me off. I find ways and excuses to separate my own children from my very own house on halloween. My husband again, a very gracious host. Yes, some of them get drunk. AITA?
​
A couple times a week my DH has a drink before bedtime, he gets a buzz. He's funny to the kids but it's not funny to me. I resent it and I don't want adults drinking around my children. Even if they are his children. AITA?
​
​
​ | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
gki8djiSSZ4DRLU8h0VGJwwVyREDCu4V | ad90r2 | {
"description": "getting annoyed",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting annoyed? | My roommates have people coming over a lot. It doesn’t bother me though. I enjoy meeting new people. Their girlfriends walk-in unannounced all the time and whatever, doesn’t bother me. What bothers me is that sometimes complete strangers walk-in unannounced (no knocking or doorbell ringing). They don’t acknowledge my existence with a greeting or even eye contact. They bee line for the roommate’s room. It feels like an invasion of privacy to me. Am I just being an asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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FRE1xWBaLLF7EboakqFqE3cWIxO6ewUS | b3zrqp | {
"description": "not wanting to help my MIL after she donates a kidney",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 7
} | AITA for not wanting to help my MIL after she donates a kidney? | Background: my MIL has never been a huge part of our lives. She didn't come to our wedding (which was literally just immediate family), she doesn't invite us to holidays, and never asks to see her grandkids. My husband doesn't have a great relationship with his mom or his sisters. We do see his dad's side often and love them to death.
The story. His sister has a long history of health problems. Apparently she needed a kidney donor and his mom is a match. Surgery is set for next week. His mom calls us a few days ago and lets my husband know she's donating a kidney and might need help around the house....
I am super annoyed by this. She's never around but now out of the blue we're supposed to drop everything and drive across town to help her? I really don't want to help out or anything but my husband feels I should at least offer to cook dinner or do something to help out. If it was any other member of either of our families, I'd be totally fine with this request, but I just really dislike hey and she's never made me feel like part of the family.
AITA for just wanting to blow this off and if my husband chooses to help, it's all him? Or should I suck it up and help for my husband's sake (even though I know he really doesn't want to help her either...) | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 7
} | RIGHT |
mNtyksQfPkkU2bcZLlkAMGy0GBlBSGD6 | b744mr | {
"description": "not telling a secret",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not telling a secret | Background: One of the extracurriculars I'm in has a party at the end of the year where the underclassmen prepare a theme and plan everything for the seniors, since they're leaving. However, the theme is very top-secret hush hush. As an underclassman, I know it but I'm not supposed to tell anyone.
Which brings us to today, when one of the seniors kept asking me what it was in front of everyone. I continually told her no, but since the classroom was small it's not like I could just walk away from it. Eventually I decide I've had enough and I go up to her and tell her I'll whisper it in her ear.
(At this point I find it relevant to mention that I'm also a girl, since I don't think this would be appropriate for a guy to do to a girl or vice versa since it's a bit of a personal space thing IG??)
Instead, I blow lightly in her ear. She shrieks and freaks TF out, which is normal, but then she yelled that I spit in her ear and that it's wet. However, I'm pretty damn sure I didn't spit, and that it was just the cold that made her think that.
Either way, a bunch of kids in my class were like "ew, why would you spit in her ear" even though I didn't.
I feel bad that I might've spit. Even though I don't think I did I at least acknowledge that possibility, but I don't think she needed to shriek and make such a big deal out of it like I harassed her or something, especially when she was the one harassing me about the theme in the first place.
So, AITA for possibly spitting in her ear?
Or is she possibly TA for harassing me and making a big deal out of the ear blowing thing? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
P7B2dHuPbbFrSXqpte6uXERWqkAA0vnp | b9rgye | {
"description": "pushing for more information about a medical document I found",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I push for more information about a medical document I found? | Throwaway account for privacy reasons.
My husband and I were cleaning the house for a delivery that was to be made this week. I was cleaning under a bookshelf when I pulled out a piece of paper. It clearly wasn’t mine, but was what looked like a medical results page for an exam of some sort. Radiology, I saw on the header. My husband snatched it out of my hand, made a joke about how long it’s been since we’ve cleaned under there, and promptly threw it away. I asked what it was, he said it was none of my business because it’s his medical information. We’ve both taken classes on information security and are aware of HIPAA regulations, patient privacy, etc., but I was still taken a little aback at that.
I don’t have many medical issues, but am open with him when something comes up. He’s prior military and has had some problems in his knees, back, elbow, joints, etc., and is a little heavyset but not concerningly so. He’s been fairly active around the house, so I hadn’t thought anything was wrong, but his abrupt reaction was a little out of character for him. I know he’d probably be concerned about worrying me if something were wrong (I am guilty of being a worrier, I have to confess), but I’d like to think he’d be open with me in return if something were seriously wrong. At the same time, it’s been bugging me since the incident happened, both his reaction and the paper itself. He can be a stubborn asshole (affectionately) sometimes, and I’m afraid if I push he’ll just double down on the secret.
So, I turn to you for judgment. WIBTA if I push him for details about the document he threw away?
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
qjfkZqU4OVHV0kdKqCeQslScOjgBGvtC | b2dwpw | {
"description": "telling my GF's sister not to touch my newborn son because she insulted him, me, and my gf",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for telling my GF's sister not to touch my newborn son because she insulted him, me, and my GF | A bit of backstory; me and my GF have been together for 3 years and a year ago we found out she was pregnant. I'll admit at the beginning I was not supportive, its my biggest regret. I did a 180 when she was about 4 months along and since he was born he is the best thing in my world. My GF and her sister have always been close, they tell each other everything. Her sister has always been a bit off, thinks she's never in the wrong EVER and the entire world is against her.
About a month ago, when my son was 4 weeks old, she was angry that her Mom was not giving her enough attention (she bought herself a puppy a few weeks before my son came along. The puppy is a nightmare, and she doesn't discipline it or even take care of it). Since she was not getting attention from her mom she got her puppy and started saying "Look at the baby. Who's a good baby?" To the dog and brought him over to my son. The puppy is feisty and squirmed almost scratching my son in his grandmothers arms. I got mad and took my son into my GF's room (we've been staying with her mom since they live far away). When I walked out of the room she called my son a dumb baby and said he was ugly. She came into the room later and told me to give her the baby, I told her no. My GF agreed I did the right thing, but her sister decided I hate her and is taking it out on her mom. She screams at her mom constantly about nothing and told her mom that no one can drive her mom's car (we have been borrowing it while we are here to get around) not even her mom can drive it only her and she will drop her mom at work and keep the keys during the day.
After a month of her screaming and saying everyone is ruining her life she decided that her dog is more important than her nephew. Her brother was playing with her dog, which she didnt like, he was rubbing its belly while she screamed "STOP RAPPING MY DOG!!! IM CALLING THE POLICE IF YOU DON'T STOP NOW!!! WHY DONT YOU GO AND TOUCH (GF'S NAME)'S SON'S DICK INSTEAD!!!". My GF had to stop me from confronting her because I was livid. I decided then that she would not see my son until she got right.
Last night we were at our friends house, we are a few days from flying back home. She texts my GF angry because her brother told her I dont like her. She started saying some really fucked up things to my GF about her, my son, and me. My GF told me what she was saying and showed me the texts. She told my GF that I dont love my son because when we first found out I wanted to abort. I regret thinking it everyday, he is the best thing and I dont know what I would do without him anymore. I snapped and called her some really bad things to my GF and almost cried because it hurt that bad. I have now refused to let her come visit us and told my GF she should stop talking to her.
TL;DR: FSIL acts fucked up around my new son, I get angry. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
WUZYAElmXqytkhCJzxsBOvqTZruIbc4a | a6vq4s | {
"description": "allowing my friend to padlock a disabled person",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for allowing my friend to padlock a disabled person? | You know how some people in wheelchairs are lovely people who go out of their way to help others and rise above their disability? Well this girl in our class wasn’t. She was a petty nasty bully. So one afternoon my friend told me his plan for getting revenge. He had a common but strong padlock and while the girl wasn’t noticing he hooked it to her wheelchair and hooked that to a table. Then when everyone else left after the break the padlock held her fast. This causes considerable embarrassment and a lot of drama for her as she couldn’t ultimately get free. It took the school janitor to ultimately remove the padlock. I provided my friend with an alibi which he never needed. Years later the girl in question has become far nicer but we will never tell anyone the secret least of all her. Looking back I regret it but she needed someone to teach her humility. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
LEt1EkJ6rW3sVIVJKJ8JQDT3OTvdjMj6 | a5t551 | {
"description": "asking my boyfriend not to take ecstasy",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for asking my boyfriend not to take ecstasy? | I used to be open about all sorts of drugs, but for the past two years, I’ve been losing most of my close friends to addiction. Now, I don’t touch anything because I’m scared to get addicted to drugs. I’ve had weed and acid with my boyfriend before.
I told him my fears about losing other people to drugs again, and have since asked him not to take anything other than weed because I don’t think taking is worth the risk of addiction anymore. He says it’s fine, and that he understands.
I feel bad because all of his friends take E from time to time, and he’s always the one person sober. Am I the asshole? I don’t want to be too controlling, but I genuinely am scared of anyone I love going through addiction again. I’ve seen how difficult it is. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
CBZjtJWw6a6VWmXIR10EVdI5OG3vdRoy | 9ut1h3 | {
"description": "not voting",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 22
} | AITA for not voting? | I am not anti America in any way, but I hate everything about our voting process. I hate the constant disparaging ads. I hate the fact that I get 5-10 texts per day from candidates telling my to vote for them. I hate that I feel that republicans and democrats are the same people, working for the same big money corporations. I hate the fact that 2 presidential elections in the past 20 years have been won by the candidate who got fewer votes. AITA for not wanting to support a system that I believe to be fundamentally broken? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 22,
"OTHER": 21,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 21,
"WRONG": 22
} | WRONG |
I2RfFs9eOzRXqQpbjKIIVBDKmWsKqj5H | b409x8 | {
"description": "wanting to break up with my boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for wanting to break up with my boyfriend? | There was a time in your car when I pleaded for him to let me out, but he wouldn’t. He made me go to his house and spend time with him even though I couldn’t go. It freaked me out, and I thought he might hurt me.
He constantly ask me on dates, though he knows I don’t have the money or a job, so I had to pester my parents for money they didn’t need to spend. He says he hates to lie to his parents, yet he made me lie to mine every time we went on a date. He once told me to, because I “do it every time”
He told me that if anyone outed him, you’d cry. And I sad it to. Yet, when someone caught us kissing (which I don’t like to do in public), he told me it wasn’t a big deal, I shouldn’t be nervous, and didn’t even care.
He tells me I’m dumb. He tells me I’m smart, then says something like “I take back what I said”. If I try to defend myself, he laughs and says no. I never call him stupid or anything close. It’s a really mean thing to do to someone, especially to someone you are dating.
He pushed that I did something against my morals, which I didn’t . You were rude about it too.
All he wants to do on dates is kiss, we can’t even have a conversation.
He over compliments me.
When we went on a trip, he kept trying to kiss or cuddle me in the hotel room even though I was obviously nervous and uncomfortable. I didn’t want our roommates to see us but he didn’t care because “everyone already knew”. Only stopped after I explicitly told him to.
He takes joking to another level, and picks up and drags [x] around, despite [x] saying no.
He threatens people if they say anything remotely threatening, even as a joke.
He hurt my hand and didn’t care until he found out I was mad. And after anything happens between us, he immediately wants to jump right back in to a normal relationship.
He wants me to like everything he does, yet doesn’t care about what I like, then gets upset and puts himself first.
He tried to shame me in front of our friends. He said that I don’t spend enough time with you, and I hadn’t done it for three weeks once. He knew we spent 16 hours on a bus and shared a room for 2 days, twice. One time, I couldn’t relax because he kept asking if I was okay if I even moved. The other, he told me I did something I would never do to anyone.
(I want to break up with him, but I feel like shit for thinking about it.) | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
ymot1XSYoUhPLBaHeHszbaIOCMsCqdfK | ax2vus | null | AITA | Girls Say I’m An Ass, Guys say Different | Here is some background. I am a male senior in high school who goes to a liberal arts school. I’m 17 and the girls in this are 16 and are juniors. (I have mostly junior friends) I suck with emotions more than the average because I was bullied when I was younger which led to me shutting myself out socially from everyone and working with computers which taught me to always think with logic and not emotion.
So, fast forward to this year. Monica started being her old affectionate self towards me within the first month of school and I started flirting with her again to see if something could work. At the time, I couldn’t see that she had feelings for me still. Eventually, I got the balls to ask her on a date and see if she still liked me when a mutual friend told me that she was scared she was going to lose me. Her words were “I can’t lose him, I just can’t”. Things went well. She really liked me and the feeling was mutual. We talked about going on a date after she got back from her trip. She was boasting to her friends about us being together (never discussed it, but I was fine with it). 3 weeks after that, she starts to pull away. I asked her if something wrong and she said no and i not believing her said that I’m here for her if she needs me. She thanked me and that was the end of that convo.
I got a text later that day saying that she wasn’t interested in me like that anymore and that she still wants to be friends. She also said that she wasn’t ready for a relationship and I said I would wait for her because she was worth it. I was utterly devastated. My self esteem was shattered and I couldn’t talk to her. Fast forward 3 days. A mutual friend named Dani comes up and offers to have sex with me and says that it will help take my mind off of Monica. (I was a virgin) I said yes and we had sex. Thing is, I regret it. Bad. I only had sex with her because I could at least have sex with someone if not a relationship. Stupid me.
After Monica and I started talking again after 2 weeks, She kept trying to hold my hand and wrapping her arms around me and hanging in my arm as if nothing had happened. IMO this is a fucked up thing to do. It played with me so bad. I told her we can’t do that stuff anymore because even if she feels nothing, it screws with me and it means something to me.
Fast forward another 2 weeks. Monica found out about Dani and I having sex because Dani told her. Now, I didn’t think that it would be a huge deal. Monica had said that she didn’t have feelings at all for me and that she thought of me as a brother. She texted me and said that she was hella hurt and that she was right for not going out with me because she thought I would fuck Dani while going out with her. We stopped talking for 2 months after that and now we are talking again, but it’s not the same. I will admit to screwing up in that fucking Dani wasn’t the best decision I had ever made.
So, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
GA8eTfNOMbY5H6k1pS9c2zRKMrV8O1xp | ai21ey | {
"description": "not giving my friend $20",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not giving my friend $20? | So out of all my friends, I have these two friends who I hang out with a lot, who I'm going to be referring as Friend A and Friend B. We usually hang out at Friend A's house, because he has all the fun stuff, and we usually do stuff like play video games and board games.
One day I was busy so I couldn't hang out, so Friend A and Friend B just hung out together at Friend A's house without me. On that day I got a call from Friend B, and said that I owe Friend A $20. Now I was really confused because I don't remember owing Friend A anything. Friend A explained that they went to a store and bought a big board game that was $60, and that he payed $40 for it and Friend B payed $20. Now Friend A expects me to give him $20 to split the money evenly and he says that it's only fair since we're going to be playing it together. I was really mad because they just made this deal that included me, without me even knowing, and without me ever agreeing to this, and now I'm expected to give Friend A $20. I told Friend A that I don't owe him shit and that I'm not going to give him $20, now he's really mad at me and won't talk to me. AITA? Should I just give the money to him? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
auhXCl461cIQkxnef1NVeofWoE0cQmVW | ammqk0 | {
"description": "reporting a manager to hr",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for reporting a manager to HR? | Today I reported a senior manager to HR, knowing full well that with my company’s policy on discrimination she will get into a lot of trouble. As the day went on I’m no less angry about what she said to me, but I’m also feeling a guilt bubbling in my stomach about getting her in trouble.
I’ve known this woman for a long time, I was the one that on boarded her when she joined the company and even though we have very different views (she’s an outspoken Trump supporter and Christian and I’m about as liberal as they come), we have always had a good working relationship. Whenever she shares on Facebook things from right wing media about “evil immigrants” or building the wall I’ve just made a point of ignoring it, since she is just a colleague and I’ve never felt it’s my place to challenge her views.
Last week I finally received my 10 year green card in the mail, after 5 years of extensions and endless legal hoops and thousands of dollars in fees. This is a huge milestone for me, and my family, friends and coworkers have all made a point of congratulating me and overall making the whole thing feel really special.
Earlier today I was at work, having a casual conversation with a (different) coworker when she approached, gave me a high five, and congratulated me on my green card finally being accepted. She then proceeded to say “Thank you for doing it the *right* way”. It was pretty clear that the whole reason she had interjected was to say this. To make sure to let me know that I was a “good” immigrant, and not one of those nasty “illegals” she goes on about on Facebook.
I felt so angry about it that I decided to take it to HR. There have been many times at work that coworkers have said things that are stupid, like referring to me as a “90 day fiancé” or making up nicknames for me because my name is “unreasonably difficult”, but this is the first time I have ever felt like there was actually prejudice behind it.
A part of me feels absolutely justified reporting her and another part of me feels like a huge asshole that got her into trouble.
AITA?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
cFmrNTctRYwZIpa13P0T4z6gLDeFwsRX | 9yah36 | {
"description": "not going to my grandmas birthday dinner because of my social anxiety and depression",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not going to my grandmas birthday dinner because of my social anxiety and depression? | A little backstory: my mom has been married to her wife for about 7 years. And my stepmom has been one of the biggest causes of my anxiety and depression for years. She throws a tantrum whenever she doesnt get her way, so we have to do whatever to please her.
So last night my family (Mom, step-mom, sister, grandma, uncle) were going to go out to teppanyaki to celebrate my grandmas 85th birthday. I had planned on going until I was hit with a wave of depression about an hour before. There was no way I was going to go, not only because of the way I was feeling, but because I didnt want to be that one person at the table looking all mopey and upset, while not eating.
I then texted my mom "is it okay if I don't go to teppanyaki tonight?" she came into my room about 3 minutes later asking me why, and so I explained everything. She then said I should talk to my stepmom about it because we were celebrating her mom. I declined because talking to her would increase my anxiety, which would decrease my confidence.
She comes back after about 5 minutes and says "shes real adamant about you going." and then says she hates being the middle man, so I tell her I can talk to my stepmom face to face to explain.
I go to their room and explain to her how I hate eating out because of my social anxiety, and teppanyaki makes it about x10 worse, And how I was feeling depressed. Mind you I’m being polite trying to explain, with no rudeness whatsoever. And she says “you’re gonna go.” And I just shrug and say “I’m sorry but I cant.” She then says that it was disappointing and to “get out of my room”.
Now I’m back in my room and my mom comes in and says that it’s a family thing and that I need to go. I then tell her how fucked up it is making someone with these mental issues, go against their will. And she says fuck it and storms out.
I leave and go to my girlfriends house so I don’t have to deal with their anger and stay the night. My mom texts me and says I should stay with my gf for the week to avoid any heat from my stepmom. And I’m pretty okay with that.
My mom then texts me that I should bring my grandma flowers in the morning so she doesnt have to “suffer” as well. So I bring them the next day (today). But before I bring them my mom sends me a novel of texts saying things along the line of “we’re your family, shes done so many things for you, you basically said go fuck yourself”, and many other things.
So I respond asking her If she would make me go if I had a physical injury, how I never said anything close to go fuck yourself, and how I always have to say yes to everything she asks and that I said no this time and she threw a tantrum as always, and how of she would consider my meth-head dad part of the family.
And she responded with
“Please dont lecture me about mental health. Or bring your shitty father in to this when we are talking about someone who actually gives a shit about your well being. No, he is not my family. Your sanctimonious and psuedo rebellious response shows you don't want any input but from those who agree with your behavior. Please bring grandma her birthday flowers today and plan on being here Wednesday night for Thanksgiving. I love you always.”
So it seems to me that she doesnt really care how I feel by writing off my valid points as “sanctimonious and pseudo rebellious”
So help me out here Reddit, am I the asshole?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
53bV4DQqTmPDdvwvyB2lIzIlivhuWCok | abfzys | {
"description": "taking a pizza slice from a homeless man",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for taking a pizza slice from a homeless man | Context :
It was around midnight in Paris.
I was high and very hungry, walking home.
I saw a homeless person with a pizza hut box with Half a pizza remaining.
The guy was getting ready to sleep so I assumed that he had eaten enough already.
I asked him if I could have a slice and he said "yes help yourself".
I didn't have any coins on me to give him (would have if I had).
My friends are calling me an asshole for that and regularly bring it up during our gatherings.
Thoughts ? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
HAQfJqttRbuXV9xHH6XULUVc8ynAsTNU | aslr5u | {
"description": "hitting on my crush's best friend after she rejected me",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for hitting on my crush’s best friend after she rejected me | I’m on mobile so please excuse the formatting.
A little backstory, when I was still talking to my crush, we’ll call her Lily, I was getting close to her friend group and her best friend. Me and this friend hit it off really well, we had a lot in common and if we met under different circumstances I think I would’ve went for her. However, 2 months go by and I decide to confess to Lily, I get the usual rejection phrases, it’s not you it’s me, I want to focus on school etc. I can’t say I wasn’t expecting this response. This is where things get complicated, me and Lily never had any classes together but me and her best friend did. We even sat together one of them. I know for a fact she knows me and my confession but she never brought it up. I was still getting over Lily at this time and I think part of the reason I fell for her best friend is because I was looking for someone to fill in the empty space in my heart. I don’t know whether these feelings are real or not but I can’t stop myself from trying to start a relationship with her. We’ve hung out a few times alone and she’s kind of my go to person atm she also doesn’t seem to mind my company. My main concern is that I might seem like I’m just leading her on. So AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
m9GJVQ7HyVDjXseQcRrKpf4n6d8Cs1XY | 9v28p9 | {
"description": "suggesting breaking up with my so who's depressed",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for suggesting breaking up with my SO who’s depressed? | I did not bring up breaking up with him because he is in a bad spot right now, he just hasn’t been talking to me at all as of recently. We’re in a long distance relationship, so online communication is really important to me, but he never reciprocates. It’s gotten to the point where he replies to texts about 3 times a week total with a short message and we talk on the phone maybe once a week for an hour. On top of this, we’ll see each other in person maybe once every three months.
Before you suggest talking to him about how I need more communication, I want to emphasize that I have had that conversation at least three times already, and the issue is only resolved for a week at most. Things go back to barely talking after that.
He’s a really nice guy, but it just hasn’t been the same. I know I should stick with him through the hard times, but I feel like I’m getting more irritable and I just feel stupid waiting on replies and being hopeful.
We’ve been together ~6 months if that changes anything. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
lznFhICwfBNiGsdd6ReAKucCzt3gFr2a | 9ykku2 | {
"description": "eating at a buffet",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for eating at a buffet? | This happened a couple days ago. Also on mobile so excuse the formatting mess. So me and a couple friends of mine are looking to get into a pro wrestling school around where I am, but we come to the realization after sitting in on a class and talking to the trainers that our cardio is “worse than Hogan’s in that sex tape”, according to one of the trainers. So lately we’ve all been making a point to hit the gym and go to the Y and get some swimming and basketball games in. It’s been helping a lot, and on this particular day, it made us really hungry after working out all day (and I do mean all day, about 10 to 12 hours). So we decide we’ve earned a trip to the buffet.
Me personally, I don’t normally eat that much, even after going at it all day. The two guys I’m going with though can put away food like it’s nobody’s business. I guess on this day we were prepared to test how far that “all you can eat” motto goes.
We get to the restaurant and the place is packed. It’s the weekend and I guess everyone else is hungry too. While we wait for a table to clear up, another guy approached us and asked us if we were interested in splitting up a table if one opened up. Now usually I wouldn’t mind and I don’t think my friends would either, but two things stopped us from splitting with this guy. One, the dude straight reeks. We had all toweled off at the gym and we weren’t that pleasant ourselves but this guy was just plain offensive. Also, the wrestling school we’re all trying to get in to isn’t really popular in the area since they turn down people all the time and most everyone in the area thinks that wrestling is for hillbillies anyway, which is bad for three guys that want to be wrestlers talking to a stranger. So I politely tell the guy we were meeting up with someone and couldn’t split a table.
After about 15 minutes of waiting we get seated and storm the food area. We sit down and enjoy the food and get to talking about some of the stuff going on at work and what happened on SmackDown and all that good stuff. About 30 or 35 minutes pass and this cycle continues. Until a manager of the restaurant comes up to the table and asks us to leave. Naturally, my friend asks why and the manager tells us that we need to leave because we’ve all been to the buffet 19 times between the three of us and we were rude to the guy in the lobby and caused even more of a crunch for them. I might have been to the buffet three times myself, but even with the other two guys I was with, 19 times sounded really excessive. And, I know sometimes people lie on the internet, but I was actually being polite when I told the guy in the lobby we wouldn’t sit with him.
I tell the manager this and my friends throw in some protests of their own, but the manager stands firm and says we needed to leave and we weren’t welcome back as long as he was working there. At this point, I had had enough of this guy making stuff up and getting onto us for it, so I just tell him we weren’t leaving unless he gets the police to take us out. I tell the guy that it is “all you can eat” after all so it doesn’t matter how much food we’ve had and if he didn’t like it, he was just going to have to deal with it.
The manager says he’ll call the police and he’d be back. We figure out that even though the manager is just being a certified prick, we’re not really hungry after the encounter and really don’t need the trouble since the gym in the county jail probably isn’t up to par, and we leave.
So AITA for refusing to leave or by telling the guy in the lobby we wouldn’t sit with him? I feel justified by everything but a second opinion couldn’t hurt. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
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} | RIGHT |
0flaHttseRKixYWqKuByM7971ZtLS7rs | b9lqpa | {
"description": "wanting accomodations for my auto-immune disease",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for wanting accomodations for my auto-immune disease? (Long) | I've been out of work 7 yrs because of undiagnosed illness, parents've covered food and given me housing. Celiac diagnosed last year when it'd gotten so bad I threw up every time I ate, was bedridden. I eat even a breadcrumb now, I basically have 3 days food poisoning
Characters:
Me: Mom in car wreck last June, got brain damage, needed live-in caretaker. Dad asked if I could delay job-hunting to do it, cheaper to keep covering me than hiring full-time nurse. I agreed, wanted to help, they helped me for so long
(F)Fiance:Been together~13 years, has aspergers
(FBF)Fiance's Best Friend:Met him 8 years ago as I deteriorated, became unemployed. He has OCD, copes by smoking weed(it does help). He's been very supportive of F through it all, while accusing me of being a lazy dead beat & source of F's stress. In last year (after treatment), said he sees me improving and doesn't feel that way about me as much anymore, but time will tell
Backstory:
F and I struggled for years not being able to afford to live on our own, managed by renting from friends. Most recent one is a messy hoarder, verbally abusive. F and FBF have been renting from him since July, eager to save up enough for deposit on apartment
Mom finished most therapy in March, still can't drive. I now have time for a 25-30 hr/week schedule
I did legwork to find apartment. F&FBF want it ASAP, I'll not have had a job long enough to submit 2 paystubs to be on lease. F&I can't afford 1-bedroom, we have to get 2-bedroom together with FBF
FBF, F&I discuss apartment desires. F doesn't care, wants roof over head, we can figure out what we want. I want no smoking weed in the main areas of apartment, as it's my furniture (couch, rugs, table, dining chairs). FBF disagrees, he wants his own place where he can live as himself, doesn't need my furniture, only needs his beanbags, tv, coffee table. Fine, can he get an air purifier? No, if it bothers me, I should get one. Ok, Fine
One parking spot per apartment, others have to walk from guest parking. FBF claims dibs since he's paying 40% of rent, F&I are splitting 60% for master. Fine
I want veggie garden on patio to do cooking for apartment. Some disagreements, but resolved. I'm happy, FBF feels magnanimous
ISSUE:
Everyone always eats at coffee table, kitchen is tiny, I'd like to claim tiny breakfast nook as a GF place, do all food prep at my table. Can't risk getting sick if I'm responsible for rent and utilities too. He doesn't want to be restricted from using a table in his apartment. I tell him it shouldn't be an issue, since I'll be making a lot of meals, which will be GF
"Yeah, I don't want to just eat that, I want pizza and stuff." That's fine, just don't put it on the table. FBF disagrees
F says we can just put down a tablecloth that I remove to use the table. I say tablecloths are porous enough for flour to get through. I just don't want to risk getting sick. FBF asks if this is "really the hill I want to die on?" Yes.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
075VfeJzZyplttoTjxaKWXDY9Xw9C97C | ad9hlm | {
"description": "getting upset about other family members completing a jigsaw puzzle",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for getting upset about other family members completing a jigsaw puzzle? | During the holidays we (me, my partner and his 15 year old daughter) usually have a communal jigsaw puzzle on the go in our house for anyone to take part in when we have some down time.
A few days ago I started a new 1000-piece puzzle. No one else seemed interested so over several hours on the first day I put together a couple hundred pieces by myself. The next day I got up early and continued on, getting to to about 2/3-3/4 done.
Up to that point the other members of the household hadn’t really looked at it. They’d maybe put a piece in if it was easy while they were waiting for dinner or whatever but nothing major.
On the second day, when it was around the 75% mark, I had to go and pick up a friend from the airport. I was gone for a couple of hours and when I came back, the puzzle had been finished - except for a single piece that had been left for me.
Am I the asshole for getting upset about this? Finishing a puzzle is always the best part and I had spent so long getting it up to the point where I’d left it.
My partner didn’t understand and out of anger, he pulled a section out of the middle so I could go back and finish it. It was a section that I’d already done before I’d left and instead of completing it, I just put it all away. I couldn’t look at it without feeling disappointed.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
DQZyCSDekxVdWoPrkcIZ0PX4on6Ik4js | ayemyp | {
"description": "commenting on facebook to see if my dad was pretending I don't exist",
"pronormative_score": 30,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for commenting on facebook to see if my dad was pretending I don't exist? |
Sorry for the Jeremy Kyle style title but I really didn't know how else to put it. Also sorry if the format is bad I'm on mobile
Background info: my dad has never been around much. He was until I was 6 but then he got a new wife and a new kid (F) and I basically saw him once a month, then once every few months.
I had a fairly unstable childhood, my mother is amazing but has had bad luck with men and jobs and as a result of this plus my dad's abandonment I had some major behavioural and mental health issues growing up. My mum was always there for me but my dad just used it as an excuse not to see me. The real kicker is he broke up with his second wife so my brother F is from a similar broken family situation, yet my dad has always been there for him, has him every weekend without fail, buys clothes and games and whatever he wants. He also had two more sons, T and H, from a new wife (A) whom he is a perfect father to.
He's been slightly better with calling me lately but it's still only once every two months or so. We have a slightly better relationship than when I was a kid, which is why the following events hurt me as I was beginning to think we could maybe repair our relationship.
So the current situation is this: a few weeks ago A posted a pic of F, T and H on fb and I commented 'I have the cutest lil bros!'. A pretty harmless comment. Anyway I saw the post a while later and she'd deleted the comment. I thought this was weird but oh well, maybe I didn't actually post it or she deleted it by accident or something.
Anyway last night I decided to do a little test, she posted a pic of T and H pulling faces and I commented 'crazy kids... you can tell they're my brothers!' Anyway an hour later and the comment was gone. I screenshotted it so I know it was definitely posted.
I've had a feeling for a while that a lot of people in my dad's life don't know about me. He's literally asked me to go upstairs and 'watch F play fortnite for a bit' when his friend popped by before. Anyway I saw this as proof, and so I confronted them about it.
Sure enough they confirm they deleted my comment because "some people in A's extended family and some friends don't know about you and we don't want them finding out over fb". I ask why it matters how they find out and why I'm something he's never mentioned. He claims I'm taking it out of context and that it shouldn't matter to me as I 'barely see him'.
He then begins having a go at me for posting the comment, saying I was 'starting drama' and being manipulative.
AITA? Should I not have posted the comment? Am I overreacting? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 30,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 30,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
7aALADHqeWM36Y6okkwzRCc4z7Uogq1Z | ah67e4 | {
"description": "calling the police on my suicidal friend",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for calling the police on my suicidal friend? | This was a few weeks ago. We’ll call my friends Jake and Candice.
So around 11pm Jake snapchats Candice telling her how depressed he is with school (we all go to the same university) and that he thinks the people in his life would be better off without him.
Candice panics and texts me telling me what Jake said. We talk for a bit about what to do when Jake snapchats Candice saying he wants to kill him self.
Candice texts me telling me this and then immediately messages him back with no reply. She then tries to call with no answer.
So I give a try messaging and calling him with no response. Around this point it’s 1am and I call my mom asking her what to do.
She suggests calling the police and I agree with her. Quickly I message Candice telling her to also call the police.
Candice and I both call the police but we haven’t been friends with Jake for very long so we don’t know his address. I tell the woman at the police station his name, phone number, birthday, and the city where I know he lives.
Candice and I chat for a bit about not knowing what to do. We’re both extremely worried at this point. We keep talking because at this point we both know we’re not going to be able to sleep.
Around 2:30 I get a message from Jake that just says “I fell asleep”. I can’t get anything else out of him. He does tell Candice that the police showed up and scared the crap out of him and his roommates.
At this point he’s pissed at us for calling the police. He says “he wasn’t serious” about killing himself. Candice has told me in high school he attempted suicide and he’s been depressed most of his life.
AITA for calling the police at 2am trying to stop him from killing himself? He still won’t really talk to us, he’s still mad that we called the cops. I always thought that if someone threatens suicide you should call the police. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
U0geIzGOEu4hufibPjnNlZty92VKzoFN | 9udzsg | {
"description": "abruptly leaving the room during group conversations",
"pronormative_score": 31,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for abruptly leaving the room during group conversations? | My SO is an immigrant, and English is not his first language (his first language is relatively obscure so I won't list it here). I do not speak his first language - I have been learning a bit so can understand some, but the pronunciation and grammar are very difficult for me (due to the different language roots, and my general lack of linguistic talent), so I really cannot speak it at all in a way that would be understood. Additionally, in the part of his country he's from people speak extremely quickly, so my ability to understand or respond appropriately in the course of normal conversation (as opposed to slow and clear learning exercises) is pretty much nil. Sometimes I'm able to guess what the conversation is about based on context and the odd word I can pick out, but that's about it.
When we started dating, he still lived at home with his parents. When I'd visit, friends of the family would often be present, and we would often have conversations that would basically begin in English but quickly devolve into their native language. At this point I understood literally none of it, but I'd feel paralysed - people would still be looking at me as if I was part of the conversation, and every so often everyone would laugh or make an exclamation, but I'd have no clue what was going on! Sometimes I'd start to fiddle with my phone, and someone (never my SO) would shoot me a look or make an offhanded comment like I was being rude. I talked to my SO about it and he was like you're definitely not being rude, we're being rude by not including you, and he would constantly bring the conversation back to English but they'd basically ignore it. He'd go "come on guys, let's speak English!" and everyone would agree but then revert back within the space of a sentence or two. On some occasions it would end up with him literally carrying on his end of the conversation in English while everyone else would answer in the other language, which is actually pretty comedic if you think about it. I felt like a burden, after all it wasn't my house and I was the only one unable to speak this language while everyone else there was at least bilingual. Basically I ended up generally just sucking it up and being as polite and involved as possible.
So that was a long time ago, now. We moved in together after a couple of years and his family moved away, so it really hasn't been an issue. Until now.
Recently my SO's mother has moved back nearby. She has started coming over once or twice a week, which really is not a problem for me - she's his mother, after all, I like her well enough, and she rarely outstays her welcome. Her English is good, and she's fine with staying in English when chatting with both me and him. However, over the last few weeks, she's started inviting over some family friends in the area every now and again, with our permission of course. I like most of these people and have chatted with all, they are all professionals who speak fluent English. But for whatever reason, when they're all together, the conversation always ends up changing to the other language. My SO has been trying the same conversation tactics to switch language, with the same results. His mother is no help in that respect whatsoever. It's just like before, except now I feel way more put out about it, because I'm not the guest or the outsider any more - it's my house. I feel like I can't get a word in edgeways or cut in because the way they speak, it's like they're all shouting over each other - no gaps at all.
I talked to my SO about it. I said that I don't particularly want to stop them from coming over, and to be honest it doesn't even bother me too much if they want to hang out and chat without me, I just hate being in the room and feeling ignored. He suggested that if they start to do it again, to get up and just leave, and that maybe that will also drive home to them how rude they are being. So I tried it, and the results were... Not great. My SO had tried again to ask them to switch to English but as always, it didn't stick. So I grabbed a glass of water and just left without saying anything to go watch TV in the bedroom. Soon after I heard some shouting and then the front door slamming a bunch... Apparently, my leaving the room caused several family friends to immediately start bitching about me being rude, which cause my SO to blow up and tell everybody to get out, which has now caused significant strife between my SO, his mother, and their friends. I haven't seen her since.
I feel like such an asshole. I know they were being rude but at the end of the day I'm the one who doesn't speak their language, and I can see how to talk a completely different language for the benefit of one person is inconvenient to say the least. I feel like I've fucked up my relationship with my MIL! My SO says that they are the assholes, and I was entitled to be as rude as I liked because they were being disrespectful from the start. I'm not sure if that scans. What do you guys think?
TL;DR AITA for being rude and walking out mid-sentence because the group was not speaking English, causing a rift between my SO and friends and pissing off my MIL? Or ATTA for not speaking English in the first place? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 31,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 31,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
zcIfU6KU6uRfLjsIjyVcdD4wIzMavVZ5 | 9ul08r | {
"description": "not accepting the \"Friend Zone\" and lashing out after coming to my senses and realizing I've been an ass to myself for letting myself be lead on",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 13
} | AITA for not accepting the "Friend Zone" and lashing out after coming to my senses and realizing I've been an ass to myself for letting myself be lead on? (Long Rant) | I'm pretty sure I have my own asshole-ness to bear in this tale, and I imagine the title condemns me already. This happened a while ago, but my anxious mind can't let go of it, and it's turned into bitter obsessive thoughts I can't get over and it's. Sometimes you wish you could just purge your mind, you know? They say that writing about something can help you cope with it, so here we go.
​
I (M26 at the time) met an attractive girl (F19) in college. Large age gap, I know. Software development course, so there are hardly any. Cute, fun, immature, sexual and promiscuous and flirtatious (possibly a nymphomaniac). Bit of a tomboy interest wise, yet feminine. Everyone joked she had daddy issues, which she felt really self conscious about. Commonly attracted to the "bad boys". Had a boyfriend, and complained how much he verbally abused her, or didn't pay enough attention. A lot of people were kind of shocked to find out she had one given how she acted. Surrounded herself with people who supported (or enabled) and validated her, and flirted with half the men in the class (including a teacher in his mid 40s) Great at playing the victim, although I don't doubt she was one. I was naive myself, and felt sorry for her but at the same time did not trust her. She would say emotionally neglectful, or patronizing things to others and did not understand why they were hurtful. She was not totally cold hearted, and seemed to be longing for an emotionally fulfilling relationship. Needy for empathy, yet almost incapable of giving any, yet capable of feeling guilt especially when those things were pointed out to her. She would push that guilt deep down inside. Had very proud, and judgmental gay BFF (M29) who acted like a protective parent over her. Imagine trying to get with a girl while daddy is always watching. Seemed like a codependent relationship to me. Had gay friend ones who called these kind of men "F\*g Hags". Which was kind of shocking to me.
​
I am blunt, somewhat conflict seeking and probably a bit of a contrarian. The way I was able to confidently stand up for myself when challenged by others and not get pushed around seemed to attract her. I was very conflicted about her, and probably guilty myself of leading her on a little. Used lots of little other techniques to build attraction. The kind stuff you would probably hear from a pick-up artist today, that generally mostly work on emotionally damaged girls but I more or less naturally picked up over the years from my own experience. Don't want to get into details on that. I feel a bit manipulative for having done so myself. I think almost every guy pretends to have more confidence, or less insecurities than they do when meeting women. I try to stand my ground, keep my head up and stand up for myself or what's right most of the time. So I can come off as a bit pretentious as I try to keep myself together under pressure, but put myself in situations where I adopt a lot of responsibility and take a lot of pressure.
​
Eventually she started dating another guy her age (M19 lets call him Mike), even though there was a kind of attraction between us, it was mostly platonic. She got bored with him after a week. Started nagging on him about the features she didn't like, and chastising him for them. Plus suggesting he buy her jewelry. She was getting frustrated he didn't initiate any kind of sexual interactions yet. Walking right behind me and talking full volume with her BFF. Maybe they were sending me a message. Her BFF tried to tell her that maybe she should initiate something sexual. Couple days later she starts ghosting him. Cold shoulder treatment. He acts like he doesn't know whats going on. Chases after her like a dog still thinking he can make things up, but he's in the "doghouse", as they say. At the same time she starts pursuing me. Following me at lunch, while he's following her around trying to fix things but having no idea how and maybe not even knowing what he did. Starts calling Mike a pathetic looser, and talking about how she "needs someone older and more mature" in front of me to send me the message she was ready to "upgrade". Never broke up with Mike, because admitting to the fact they were dating (kind of) would mean admitting to herself she was cheating on her long time boyfriend. She loved bringing up polyamory. She was onto people knowing she was cheating on her BF, and used it as a kind of passive aggressive (not sure thats the right term to describe it) defense of her behavior, while never admitting to being polyamorous herself. A good way to escape the idea, and create plausible deniability about her cheating. A way to avoid feeling guilty and not take responsibility it seemed to me. No one really believed that idea and it became kind of an inside joke. I kept my distance, but stupidly enough still kept occasionally joking around with her in a flirtatious manner. I was stupid and indecisive and it pissed her off. At one point I kind of teased her about 90% of her 800 Facebook friends being male, which really pissed her off. I'm probably an ass for being jealous of all those guys myself. I kind of hinted at why I was not making a move, but she resented me for it. We shared some of the same friends. After this most of them turned on me, especially after I regretted it, because now I started to get the cold shoulder from most of her friends.
​
Then there was the fact our final group project pretty much devolved into "Lord of the Flies". Everyone was moody and sleep deprived. I made an easy target because her BFF already hated me for criticizing his precious little innocent girl. He saw her sexual and attention addictions as more of form of liberating sexual expression it seemed. He thought that if she just found the right guy all her issues would magically disappear. I think I kind of believed that too at the time. Plus her other male friends generally didn't say anything about her because they were all thirsty AF (We're nerds in programming. What do you expect.), and didn't want to ruin their chances. Which she of course was pretty happy about. I regretted it because now I was the one send to the "doghouse". She was gloating and basking in my misery at that point. Went from being sad and disappointed and thinking she was not good enough because I did not ask her out, to an almost sadistic state. I guess my regret was seen as more validation to her. I found it baffling how someone who complained about her BF not showing her enough empathy and abusing her, could go and do the same thing to others. I think this explanation makes sense, though. It's an MMA fighter who was picked on as a kid talking about bullies becoming abusive because they learn it from their parents. I think it's not out of the question that people can get that from fractured relationship with their significant other. She treated her friends better than the men she got into relationships with. Although, naive about other people's feeling she was generally kind and sweet to me before this.
​
At college grad night we all got pretty drunk. I felt like I was on the verge of a mental break down at this point. I already had work burnout before college from stressful shift work job, and it started to come back in these last few months. Some minor issues at home at the time as well, but they they were not a big a deal, it just all snowballed from all sides. At the end of the night she was pretty wasted, and still pretty proud of herself. She went up to me, tousled my hair, and said to me in patronizing tone in what I believe was a final act of revenge: "You know, you're a "nice guy" and I would like you to be my friend.". She then got up pointed and yelled at another guy I knew across the room who got her number: "Call me!". Maybe I was being paranoid, and this "friending" was well intended, but given her recent behavior it just felt like a way to spite me. A final dagger in the back.
​
The guy who got her number didn't last 2 days with her. Maybe he seemed more attractive when she was drunk. Dude was sad for a few months. I don't know if she used him to spite me or if it actually was well intended on her part. The thing is that in my attitude at the time everything she did seemed like it was aimed to spite me. It may have just felt like that at the time because that's the lens I was seeing things through. It's tough to see things objectively when you're stressed. Luckily I had some friends to back me up. They pretty much tried convince me she was a horrible, narcissistic, human being, while at a party she was not invited to. But not before letting me know how pathetic I was for still believing in her.
​
A month later we all had a BBQ for the company we wrote the program for. She was there and you could tell she was having her own nervous break down. No more men to flirt with now that she had a real job (I'll get to the trouble she caused there later). I was being a moron again and assumed that maybe she had changed. She seemed to show remorse or some kind of regret. I, a friend of ours and her, all went out one night. I think I was the one who organised it. Stupid mistake looking back on it. I still had faith that things could go somewhere, or that I could make things up somehow and that I owed her something because I felt guilty and belittled. She on the other hand came there hoping I was again the confident, funny, and charming guy she first met, before I let her walk all over me and send me on a guilt trip. Really I was probably closer to the mental and physical state to that of a meth addict by now. And she let me know it by shitting on me some more. Took a group selfie and proceeded on talking on how creepy and pathetic I looked in it. (Probably had like 10 hours of sleep that entire week | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 13,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 13
} | WRONG |
kztSprwxgzxPvz4O5VyMSgjpK950UenV | amnn63 | {
"description": "rejecting my ex bf",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for rejecting my ex BF? | So English is not my first language so I will try and explain this as best I can. Sorry in advance if I Don't make sense
So in 2018 I (19M) dated, let's call him Dave(18M), for 5 months till Feb last year. We decided to remain friends but that didn't work out as I thought for he just ignored me right of the bat and acted like I didn't exist. ( he broke up with me btw). This had upset me and decided that it's not worth my time and ignored him as well.
At the end of 2018 he started taking to me again and we hanged out a couple of times. Everything seemed fine and I thought that we were becoming good friends again. He then dropped this bombshell on me that he is in love with me and can't stop thinking about me. This just startled me because he ignored me for almost a year and now that we just started hanging out again he is in love with me? That didn't make sense and I was over him so I politely declined.
A few days ago he asked me if I wanted to chill and get a drink at a bar or go see a movie. I REALLY wanted to see bohemian rhapsody and thought it wouldn't be the worst idea to go out. I made it clear that we are going as friends and that it would not be a date. He came to pick me up and I asked him were we are going and he told me that we are gonna chill at his house... This kind of made me mad because I wanted to go out and see a movie, this also made me feel uneasy because we haven't hanged out alone since we dated. I expressed my feelings that I wanted to go out and he told me there is no other choice because his sister(26 fucking years old) is scared to live alone in the house. We got some liquor and "chilled" and then again he drops the question " do you want to take this further?". I declined again and said I only want to be friends. He started crying and told me he can't see me anymore because his feelings for me is just to much(this didn't make sense to me because he ignored me flat for almost a fucking year). We talked for an hour about it and he later told me that he is mad at me for not giving him a second chance which is also false. Back in October 2018 he asked me to start things up again and I told him I would. He then ignored me again for 2 fucking weeks and I ended it again. So AMITA for rejecting him?
| HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 6,
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8S7ApJtfhL1sQqfFyluX63ZyGd76fjnG | amlj3g | {
"description": "worrying about not finding my Wife Attractive Post-gastric Bypass Surgery",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for Worrying About Not Finding My Wife Attractive Post-Gastric Bypass Surgery? | My wife and I have been married 19 years and for all of that time she has been overweight. She has been anywhere from 215 to nearly 310 pounds. She has decided to have gastric bypass surgery next month. I fully support her in this decision. I’ve always been attracted to thicker, curvier women. However, I am worried that as she loses weight, I won’t find her as attractive sexually. AITA for feeling that way? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
PsuLj9sBbVO5t6nPmXS3dunEscOlxmE8 | 9yiws2 | {
"description": "letting my dogs chase rabbits and defending why I let them chase rabbits",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA - For letting my dogs chase rabbits and defending why I let them chase rabbits. | I was walking my dogs and one of my dog ran off a...
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/9xvdkx/what_is_the_worst_thing_youve_ever_seen/e9wuiw0?utm_source=reddit-android
I posted this response to an ask reddit question about the worst thing I saw.
A few years ago I had found the decomposing corpse of a person that had been missing for about 3 weeks. I only found them because my dogs were acting funny and had a bit of blood on them. I had thought they had caught and killed a miximatosis rabbit.
Any way I followed them to where they were going and found the body. I immediately put them on the lead and phoned the police.
This redditor then asks why I let my dogs chase rabbits. Out of all the questions about the incident, they asked this.
I then say rabbits are considered pests and are am non native invasive species and my dogs only catch ones with miximatosis. Hell I even could catch a miximatosis rabbit.
The redditor then gets arsey and tells me I haven't trained my dogs properly because they chase rabbits and says I hunt with dogs. Both of which are false, my dogs come to me at a whistle and I'm not part of an organised hunt.
They then call me a douche because they didn't like the tone of my response.
Am in the asshole for letting my dogs chase rabbits and for defending myself | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 2,
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0O09g7PNA2EAN2NluojKul3jkby25yLM | a2ger2 | {
"description": "sleeping with a girl I have no interest in dating",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for sleeping with a girl I have no interest in dating? | Background: 25 year old male, working professional in a major city. I've been on and off the dating apps and have met some women through friends, but no one I've met has struck me as a potential girlfriend (personality wise). However, going without sex for months on end can be incredibly frustrating and bad for self confidence. As a result, I've been having some casual relationships.
​
I recently met a girl on a dating app who I was very clear with about not wanting to get into a serious relationship. We decided she would come over for a movie, and everything went well. We hooked up, chatted for a while after and went our separate ways. I was really polite and didn't rush her out or anything. Ideally, I'm attracted enough to the girl that we continue to hook up in the future but that wasn't the case here.
​
She asks me to hang out again a week later, and I wasn't really in the mood. I told her I was too tired, but maybe I would come over if she just wanted to blow me. She was happy to do so, but when the time came I started feeling really guilty. I decided to back out and I explained that it felt wrong to do that because I didn't have much interest in her outside of the BJ (didn't word it that bluntly). I felt like I was doing the noble thing here by not stringing her along with one last hookup.
​
She responds asking me to hang out another time without hooking up. I declined and was subsequently blocked. The situation is strange to me, because everyone always complains about being "ghosted" and says they wish people were more up-front and honest with dating. But I feel like had I just taken the BJ and ghosted, I wouldn't have been blocked and she would be less upset.
​
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 5,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
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Rl6mfnASV7um1vXD36s4KrZLYVQ8epoZ | a53hwd | {
"description": "not forgiving my friend right away",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not forgiving my friend right away? | Okay so background context is: I've known this girl since we were in fourth grade, we're now 23, so we have a long history together. Part of that history includes her getting with my boyfriends after I've been with them with the exception of one guy I 'dated' for two days then we broke up (never did anything with the guy in that time) she has held that against me ever since, even after she slept with my boyfriend, now husband, for a week to get back at me for something (don't remember what she said she was getting back at me for now). Anyways, I go ahead and forgive them both for that (obviously since I'm now married to him).
Recently (about June of 2018) we (my husband and I) have decided to try out being Polygamous/amorous because we both feel there's always room for more love in a person's life. After my husband decided he wanted to go into the Navy, we put searching for more partners on the back burner. Especially since we had a bad experience trying to let this girl into our relationship and she chose to be with another guy instead. Which we were fine with because we didn't want to be with him. After this she continues to talk to my husband in private messages, which they both say it's just as friends and I believe.
Time goes on and she ends up with this new guy, who we like (as a friend). We all go to the beach with another/fifth friend as a little vacation before my husband ships out and have a great time. We all spend a lot of time together and two weeks before my husband goes off she asks me if we would be interested in helping her fulfill one of her boyfriends fantasies (a foursome). My husband is for it because he's never done anything like this so I reluctantly agree. Not without telling my husband how I think it's a bad idea because our past with her and not wanting her to end up thinking something was going on with me and the guy afterwards (she's had three ways with other friends of hers and her boyfriend(s) at the time and after the fact completely shunned them because she felt they were "up to something/conspiring" behind her back.) We all get drunk, play strip poker and when it's time to call it a night she follows us into our bedroom insisting we do stuff, I tell her no because we have other people (the fifth guy from before and our roommate) and that would be rude, trying to find an excuse not to do it. She goes and talks to the fifth guy, who is still in the living room, and comes back to say he's fine with it. Not being able to think of any other reason to say no we have the foursome (because I don't want to hurt the guys feelings because it's not that I didn't necessarily want to just know her and wanted to prevent her from being how she's been in the past)
This is where the issues start. My husband leaves for the Navy and slowly she stops talking to me. I try to reach out to her on multiple occasions, even in group chats with other friends and she would just ignore me. I even ask her what's wrong or if I did something. This goes on for at least two weeks, so I message her boyfriend (the guy we had a foursome with) and ask him if she is mad at me, he tells me he doesn't know but he can find out if I wanted him to, I tell him no thanks maybe she'll respond to me soon. The conversation stops there. Maybe a week goes by and she messages me saying she thinks he's going to propose to her, even though they've only been together for about a month, maybe a little longer, at this point. She tells me all this stuff about what she hopes he will do (saying it in a way that leads me to think she wants me to tell him/suggest he do these things). So, I message him and suggest he does these things if down the line he is thinking of doing that. While we're talking about their eventual proposal, they apparently have a fight and he asks me for advice (because we're all friends here, right? That's what friends do, right?) Apparently not. She gets mad and accused us of having our own thing because if either of us wanted to know something about her we should've went to one of her other friends (she gave two of our friends names) because they know her better, that I shouldn't be asking him, I should have asked her (which I did she just wasn't responding to me) and he shouldn't be asking me (any of our other friends is fine but not me).
After a long conversation with her accusing me and him of doing stuff together I finally have enough and go to bed, I wake up in the middle of the night to see a message saying she's sorry, which I ignore and go back to sleep. Later in the day she sends another message saying she's sorry and I tell her I'm not going to just tell her it's okay because it's not, I'm tired of feeling like I have to prove myself to her with everything I do for that one mistake that happened a long time ago. To which she tells me what I did she considers worse because sex is nothing to her and dating is everything. To which I disagree and say they're both equally as important and I feel like she should stop holding those two days over my head when I feel like her sleeping with my husband for a week is much more and I forgave them both to which she gets mad again saying I'm trying to make her into the bad guy and I'm the only one holding on to the past and she didn't tell me to prove anything and I try to explain to her that I wasn't trying to make her feel bad I just wasn't going to forgive her as easily as I did in the past for treating me like this but she blocks me and turns all of my friends against me telling them I no longer wanted to be her friends even though I was willing to be friends just not going to forgive her so quickly this time and she blocked me. Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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gXGbrh7hHulzEyIismyUB50qOYBAv6jK | 9u5yac | {
"description": "not wanting my cats anymore",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 22
} | AITA for not wanting my cats anymore? | So, I have three cats. Two of them are 12 years old, the third one is about 8. I got the two oldest ones when I just moved out of the house and I actually don't know why I got the third one...I really enjoyed having them for most of the time. The cats moved houses with me, and experienced the different boyfriends I had throughout the years. They all used to sit with me on the couch and stuff.
Six years ago I bought a house by myself and moved in with my three cats: single cat lady...More than enough room and the cats could also go outside and enjoy themselves there. I had a full room dedicated to them with everything they needed in the room. At that time I expected to be by myself for a long time...but than I met my now-husband. And I fell pregnant. Suddenly the house that was once big enough for me + 3 cats, was now kind off cramped with the cat-room now being a nursery.
Long story short: Three cats suddenly feels like a lot. They are always in the way. Sometimes my kid climbs on the couch and suddenly I notice cat hair all over him, even though I vacuumed a few hours ago. The two oldest cats hate my kid and don't go near him. They seem annoyed with me and I am annoyed with them. I can't feel the bond that I had with them anymore at all.
I went on a week long holiday (my mom took care of the cats at home) and I was overly aware of my enjoyment of not having cat hair in the vacation house, how I could leave all the doors open without cats sitting on everything all the time. I didn't miss the whining over food 24/7...I didn't miss them at all, actually.
My thought process so far consists of: They are better off with someone that actually wants them there and is welcoming of them instead of annoyed by them. But on the other hand I am totally like: they are going to miss this house they know and love and they will probably also miss me even though we don't connect like we used too.
AITA for not wanting my cats anymore? The cats I had for almost a third of my life. I am totally behind the: if you don't want to take care of an animal, don't take them. But I think I kind of miscalculated how much my life would change and how they wouldn't fit in my life anymore once I had a kid.
I must add that at the moment I am only THINKING about the ‘not wanting’ part, and I am in no way taking any actions towards doing something with that. I obviously do still care of and for them and it is not like I would ever ‘kick them out’ just like that.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 22,
"OTHER": 17,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 22
} | WRONG |
jBcXRqP98xWR2S225ZkCbdLMWJVxygQT | au613u | {
"description": "not cleaning up anymore",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not cleaning up anymore? | I’m a junior student at university who lives in campus housing with 3 friends. We share common areas (kitchen, living room) but have our own individual rooms and two separate bathrooms (roommate A shares a bathroom with roommate B, and roommates C and D share a bathroom).
I keep my individual room somewhat clean. It gets messy every now and then, but I always make a point to pick up and not let it get too far, especially since when I’m home, my room is my chosen place to hang out.
Roommates C and D spend all of their time in the living room, and it shows. The coffee table is constantly covered in their items/things that they’ve used, and the couches often have their various clothing items on them.
Last semester, myself and Roommate B always made it a habit to clean at least twice a month. Everyone is supposed to help out with the common areas, and the bathrooms are by discretion of those sharing them. Roommate C has always made it a point to do the least amount possible, if anything at all. Halfway through the semester, it became clear that only myself and Roommate B were doing the cleaning, for areas that, though common, were rarely used by us.
Once this semester started, I talked to both Roommates C & D individually, and asked them to help out more, especially since it was primarily their mess. Plus, I’ve lived with them before without Roommate B, so I thought it’d be more effective coming from me. They said they would, but have not at all.
Since then, I have made it a point to only clean up after myself and Roommate B if she hasn’t done so already. That means that I only do my or Roommate B’s dishes (or clean items that belong to me). I only pick up trash that may have been left by me or roommate B. This unfortunately means that we live in a garbage heap. The coffee table was covered in old takeout containers, food that was made last week is still sitting in a pot on the kitchen table, and there were at least 5 bags of garbage sitting by the door waiting to be taken out.
Roommates C and D have stopped talking to me or even acknowledging me ever since it’s been clear I’ve only really been cleaning up after myself. They only started talking to me again when I broke down and deep cleaned the shared areas of the apartment because people were coming over and it’s honestly embarrassing (to me) to live like that, and especially to have new friends see that.
Am I in the wrong here for only cleaning mine and occasionally Roommate B’s stuff? I didn’t sign up to parent my friends, or be their maid, but I also don’t feel like I should have to live like this, and we all live here so there should be some shared responsibility. I choose not to use the common areas as much as the others, so I don’t mind cleaning it occasionally, but repeatedly cleaning up after the people who use it the most only to have them turn around and make it messy again less than a day later also doesn’t seem right. | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 7,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
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} | RIGHT |
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