id stringlengths 32 32 | post_id stringlengths 6 6 | action dict | title stringlengths 4 300 | text stringlengths 0 10.8k | post_type stringclasses 2
values | label_scores dict | label stringclasses 5
values | binarized_label_scores dict | binarized_label stringclasses 2
values |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
H1ZZeqTBhXZV3xTLK1pE0CxJfjxjl0JO | apr03k | {
"description": "dropping a friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for dropping a friend? | I've been friends with this guy, call him Harry, for a few years now.
Over the years, me and all my friends began seeing his *unknowing inconsiderateness, his inefficiency, and unreliability.* However, he was still somehow a pleasure (or just fun/funny) to be around, and (I'm sure) had good intentions for all of us. And we all truly loved and cared for him as we did our other friends. Harry quickly became a part of our friend group.
Fast forward a bit, and I noticed Harry started giving me special treatment as compared to everyone else. He would start up problems and arguments over silly things, or things I personally thought didn't matter. He would seek attention from me specifically, as if he had a middle school crush. And side note, I am also a dude.
It wasn't a huge problem back then, as it didn't get in the way of our friendship. But it started growing; happening more frequently, more BS involved, and more time wasted. Until over a year ago, **Harry actually confessed that he had feelings for me,** but was confused about it ("figuring himself out" phase, I suppose). This did catch me by surprise, and explained a lot to me. Now, I have absolutely nothing against homosexual people, and honestly find most fun to be around, so this didn't bother me, as I clearly didn't return the feeling, so the confession was just that—a confession.
But that's what I thought, I was hoping nothing would change cause I knew I wouldn't let it bother me. But the previous things Harry did that bothered me not only continued, but *amplified*, as (I'm sure) he became more insecure about it, and even told me he's not sure if telling me was the right thing to do (which I convinced him it was).
This went on for another year—Harry being especially inconsiderate, petty, and quick to anger with me. I couldn't help but feel it was his attempt to get closer and in a way "bond" more with me, so I tried addressing it, asking him directly if he still had feelings, to which he replied no.
Now I'm not one to call out a claim without proof, but I'll just say that it did not sit right with me nor make sense to me.
And it continued for months and months again. **Repeating cycle --> he does something frequently, I call him out and get angry, he reciprocates saying it's my fault as well, we come to a consensus, I hope he learns something, he does not, and goes back to the same way in a month or two.**
*Until today.*
I personally think about my friendship with Harry a lot, and personally I've found it detrimental to my mental health and growth as a person. But who am I to say that, which is why I'm posting here.
**Today's long story short:**
did something small he frequently does, and that was enough to set me off and tell him that I'd had enough.
I told him I did not want to be part of this "personal change" he claims to be going through (which I have not seen all the years I've known him), and continue to be a mental punching bag for him to do whatever he wants.
So, in a sense, *I lost a friend today.*
TLDR; Had a dude who always causes trouble for our friend group confess feelings to me, a dude. He gave me special treatment of illogical arguing and inconsiderateness that amplified after confession. Dropped him today after he pulled a little inconsiderate thing on me again today.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
MIj4P0hhmBsBV3JVDm0YJ38LObNntYLS | b9d8i0 | {
"description": "dating my ex-girlfriend for 6 months",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for dating my ex-girlfriend for 6 months? | We met while living in the same apartment community, which I happened to work for. Sarah made excuses to drop by while I was at work, which wasn't weird since my job was to attend to the apartment residents. We started actually talking beyond polite conversation last summer, and eventually I found myself on a date with her, though I didn't realize it at the time.
I was apprehensive to date Sarah for a couple reasons: 1) I didn't feel physically attracted to her from the start, only neutral 2) I didn't think I was emotionally ready for a relationship yet. I took years to get over the HS girl I "dated", largely because I had undiagnosed depression. I thought I needed more time for personal growth.
With this in mind, I broke things off with Sarah quickly after the date, because I didn't think I could be her boyfriend. What I didn't tell her was that I wasn't attracted to her like that. I guess I couldn't bring myself to say that because I was still trying to be nice.
I felt like I took a step backwards in my dating progress. I wanted to actually try. Those feelings combined to make me re-evaluate the idea of dating at that point in my life. I had been infatuated with HS girl, and I was not with Sarah. Because my feelings became warped and unhealthy in the HS relationship, I thought that infatuation from the start wasn't something to necessarily pursue. I also began to think that I would never be "ready" to date and that I owed it to myself to actually try with Sarah.
Under this reasoning, I asked to try again with Sarah and she said yes. I felt awkward and uncomfortable about being with her at first, but I wanted to believe that was a result of my inexperience. Over the next several months, we got to know each other pretty well and I strived to be a good partner.
The problem is I suppressed any doubt about her, rationalizing it as a temporary growing phase. I never talked to her about my feelings on this. I had become afraid of losing Sarah and thought if I could resolve that fear on my own that I could move forward positively with her.
I tried to continually be satisfied with Sarah and did not express my negative feelings more than a couple times, in which I lied by omission because I didn't want to leave. In January, I finally decided I had enough of bottling in my stress, so I confronted my feelings to Sarah and explained everything as best I could in my heartbreak.
I did not want to lie to play with her feelings or hurt her, but I had been lying to myself about my feelings to avoid confronting painful emotions in the hopes of growing to wholly accept and love her. I see just how much pain that caused and how damaging it was in hindsight.
AITA for dating Sarah anyway even though I had initial doubts and was running from my emotions without realizing the impact? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 4
} | WRONG |
tw5bRokMvFSqzPhdxFz6gQAOTxkEElt7 | am35c2 | {
"description": "not wanting to go to the same place for vacation as my wife",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA - I don't want to go to the same place for vacation as my wife | So, let me begin with obligatory statement acknowledging that I am a novice, and to excuse if my post is done incorrectly.
Background first, I have been married just over 2 years and have a 1 year old. I work for the military and get paid well, but half of my income is from additional allowances for food, rent, etc. Financially my wife has never had a job that paid more than 20-30k a year, and is unable to comprehend how a budget works, so we tend to barely come out even every month (spend what I earn, minus contributions to 401k).
We have argued over this many times, but to summarize it I am putting it into one story: I haven't traveled out of the country in years and in a hope to start saving a bit each month I've brought up the idea of saving towards a fun trip (i.e. machu picchu, europe, south america, etc). After much thought, my wife came back with disneyworld or a week in Jamaica for an event for the band Hanson (yes they still exist and have a die hard fan base). I have been to disneyworld multiple times, even with my wife and our daughter will never remember a thing so I see that trip as a waste. I have also been to Jamaica, and am not interested in spending $4k to sit at a resort to occasionally see a band that I think is average.
For that same cost we could walk to mount everest base camp in nepal, or spend a week or two in spain/france. Am I an asshole for saying that Jamaica is a dumb waste of a trip? Granted when I am older, I am all for it, but at 33 I want to travel/explore the world. I also suggested she do Jamaica and I do my own hiking trip since the baby wouldn't be able to do that anyway. Unfortunately, I know me going anywhere on vacation alone would be the end of the world. Hell, I spent a month in the california desert for training living in a truck and my wife tried to say it counted as a vacation.
I feel like my wife is a bit immature. She never left home until she married me, and her parents always lived above their means so it has been a tough adjustment for her. Saying that, we continually argue about the same BS, and I am interested to hear thoughts of others. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 9,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 10
} | RIGHT |
7VcHjYVUUmc4rLbwoFaT5WAr9KTpV1I5 | a85ukw | {
"description": "annoying my brother to clean his car",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for annoying my brother to clean his car? | My brother drive him and myself to school everyday because I don’t have a car, but his car is disgusting and smells terrible. The trunk it’s filled with trash to the point where you can not see the ground. The smell is horrendous. I badger him daily to please clean it up but he never does. AITA for annoying him? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
piizwONPqmblcw3xXmKAs8D3c8m48nV9 | ap5uag | {
"description": "being a flake",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for being a flake | Disclaimer for all who don't want a boring story. I'm just here to hear some opinions on this.
So basically my cousins and I are pretty good friends and I always kind of enjoyed their company but since they got girlfriends they basically keep them around 24/7. Yesterday we agreed last minute on meeting today, hang out and maybe grab some food. I should probably mention that the last times we tried to meet up never really worked out just because I always had other things going (Birthdays, school work and other kinds of shit). So I always worried that they already think that I 'm constantly flaking on them (I don't blame them. It really did seem like it.). But this time I decided to flake out for real just so I wouldn't have to be the fifth wheel. Now my mom is just blaming me and talking with other family members about how I flaked on my cousins( she doesn't know about their girlfriends). I know this isn't a big thing but I still feel guilty. I mean I could tell them about my feelings but I'm sure they wouldn't understand (they're younger and aren't really the best people to talk to when it comes to feelings) and that's the exact reason why I didn't tell them in the first place.
Anyways, I'm sorry if my thoughts were all over the place but I hope some of you could give me some feedback whether I am the asshole in this situation or not. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 3
} | WRONG |
31cfiofVTdoDx2RWMaxHELoSzvjR02fN | asannh | {
"description": "playing my guitar during the daytime",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for playing my guitar during the daytime? | So I'm 18, broke and just moved in to my own apartment. Most of my life revolves around guitar and I try to get a good few hours in a day. Just to prefice, I haven't gotten any complaints in the month I've been living here and I'm the only guy in the basement level. I try to keep a decent volume, since headphones are gonna be a problem (input lag through the computer and general poor sound quality), decent enough that I can barely hear it if I stand 7ft away from the pc. But I'm paranoid about this stuff.
Knowing my temper, and the fact that I've dedicated close to all of my time the last 2 years to guitar, I'm pretty sure I might blow up should the neighbors come knocking, and I don't want to make enemies of them. Am I the asshole? Am I in the green as long as I keep a decent volume. I should also add that part of the reason I'm paranoid is because my upstairs neighbor is severely mentally ill (she hallucinates neighbors plotting against her), so I'd definitely not want to get in a fight with her. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
hXKDKHJJcPG3WpA8WyrYyg7a43ltzMkw | b9wkdd | {
"description": "not giving a stranger money to take the train",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA For not giving a stranger money to take the train? | Everyday, I take the train to school and I have a train ticket that lasts a month, so there is no need for me to buy a ticket every time I do go. However, today at the train station, a man walked up to me and said that he was supposed to meet his daughter in the city and was a few dollars short of the amount he needed for his ticket. He asked me for two dollars and I could automatically tell that he was not homeless. I said that I didn’t have any money even though I had 80 dollars. So AITA for not giving him the amount he needed to see his daughter? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
hXlIlXraS6u9Tj8iuUntY3jsJUeDNcdL | a01cf8 | {
"description": "getting upset over a stranger being involved with my medical information",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA For getting upset over a stranger being involved with my medical information? | I’m currently traveling alone in Armenia and last week I became unwell. I’ll spare you the details but I had an issue that was rather embarrassing.
A few days ago I had reason to go to go to the hospital at about 10pm. A lady who worked at my hostel (that I hardly knew) left her dinner with a friend and met me at the hospital to translate and evidently protect me from scamming doctors.
After the all clear and my shitty hospital experience I went for a walk with this lady to calm down. We had a long chat and bonded over our very first lengthy conversation. We spent a handful of hours walking around and talking about each other.
The next day she booked me in for a appointment with a doctor she trusted. When I got to the appointment, I found out she was on loud speaker translating...despite the fact the doctor spoke English. I found it very weird as she is not a medical professional, practically a stranger and as I said before, I had embarrassing symptoms.
The doctor had me do some tests and the results would be given to me within 24 hours via email.
When I returned to the hostel I had a conversation with the lady. I told her that I didn’t like how indirect and vague the doctor was with his answers. To which she explained that she told the doctor to be indirect with his answers because she “knows that I would worry”.
Trying to keep my cool I went for a walk. When I returned to the hostel she sat me down in a rather open are and told me the doctor called and she has the results for one of my tests. The doctor told THE LADY THAT WORKS AT MY HOSTLE my results. She then loudly announced what the results were.
The results and how they were delivered to me were quite shocking to me, so I stormed off.
The next day I left and accidentally did without saying good bye to the lady. Who did have my best interests at heart.
When I arrived in the next city many hours later I noticed my results had not been emailed to me despite it being hours past the ETA. Coincidently I got a Facebook message from the hostel lady ten minutes later.
She explained that the doctor couldn’t get ahold of my email and SHE HAS THE RESULTS. She then proceeds to tell me that the results are negative and that I should be happy.
In response I asked her why did he not just ask her for my email, why I was once again the second person to know my results and stating that I think the doctor is unprofessional.
To this she went ballistic. Calling me spoiled, a snob and rude.
I can’t be the arsehole in this situation right? She did have my interests at heart, she did protect me from the scamming hospital and she did spend the night calming me down and I never specifically said she shouldn’t be involved. But...privacy goes without saying right? A total stranger was involved in very personal information and was given MY test results before me. Just over 24 hours prior she would have been a total stranger. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
r4JcSSmez8BNUVdfO2g6Qj8PE9XOmU4s | b928ec | {
"description": "not wanting to be friends with a coworker",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA For not wanting to be friends with a coworker | TLDR at end
I work in a small environment and there's only about 18 employees. We work at a sandwich shop and most of us have known each other for years
I have one coworker who I cannot stand. He's lazy, we have few similar interests, he's a liar, and a chatty cathy (mostly about gossip between our coworkers that is not directly related to either one of us). I have another job in the evening as a bartender so I already have enough drama from my regulars there, I would like to just go into my day job do my work and go home.
So I finally had it today. For the past month I had been actively avoiding him UNLESS it is work related. He occasionally tries to chat about my personal life or gossip with me.
I was working on the prep list while he went to shoot the shit with my boss out back smoking a cig (it's lunch rush and they always take forever). We got really busy my coworker and I had to manage the store for almost 25 mins. They finally come back from their smoke break when it's dying down and I continue my prep work. He nonchalantly came up to me and asked if I heard about the new superhero movie coming out. He literally asks me this once every two weeks. I usually respond I'm not into those movies.
So this was my breaking point.I turned to him and told him not to talk to me anymore UNLESS it's work related. He walked away. I am aware I hurt his feelings (my boss pulled me aside and asked me to be nicer to him) I do not like the guy and try to avoid him. Am I the Asshole?
TLDR: Am I the asshole for telling my coworker to not talk to me UNLESS it is work related? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
tK5K1nGMQEIcIPAjvYiQrNnr5Tb7BdE0 | a9jhzb | {
"description": "feeling upset that my dad didn't spend much time with me",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for feeling upset that my dad didn't spend much time with me? | TL;DR at the bottom.
It's Christmas & around 1, my dad asks if I want to come over for lunch. I love my dad & after everything we've been through as a family, I make it a priority to spend time with my family.
My bf & I go & hang out in the backyard since I'm uncomfortable going in the house bc the lady he lives with had made me feel unwelcome. Also she doesn't like my bf so he's not allowed inside.
My dad knows I don't like going inside but he tries to get me to go in for soda. When I don't, he calls me lazy. My brother goes for me. We chill, have walnuts, pecans and chat. Then he tells me that there's food. I was expecting for the lunch to already be served, not that I'd have to go inside to go get it. Same thing happens, he tells me to go inside "No one's there" My bf goes & gets us plates.
After the "lunch" is over, he messes around with a kid the lady adopted. He keeps going in & out of the house. My dad bought the kid 2 presents & I didn't get anything. Not that I wanted or needed a gift, but I'm his actual kid. After an hour of this, he just doesn't come back. He goes inside, doesn't come back. So I just chat with my brother & cousin. We're probably at his house for 2-3 hours at this point & after not seeing him, I realized he wasn't coming back out. I'm upset now bc I feel insulted & ignored.
I decide it's time to go.
I text him bye & go home.
I didn't get to spend time with my dad like I wanted to. It's like he just invited me over to ditch me.
TL; DR: Dad invites me for "lunch", then ditches me after an hour or so.
Am I the asshole for feeling upset & for leaving? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
vtEvD3N5xqioUPvtSrtV4ykkVxXLbcAb | ak9dmd | {
"description": "avoiding my grandparents and minimizing communication with my parents",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for avoiding my grandparents and minimizing communication with my parents? | My parents & grandparents have put me in a difficult situation and forced me to struggle and continue to accrue college debt by not paying towards my loans. I was going to work two jobs in college, but my grandmother told me on about 7 or 8 occasions, up until I was looking at another job offer with more hours halfway through my senior year, that she was going to buy me a car when I graduated college. I finished college and... nothing. Took a job for a few months that didn't work out in another state where i lived in a 4 bedroom apartment and rented from the company. Struggled to find something within walking distance of my home.
I'm working part time at a grocery store now. I asked my grandma if she could give me a small loan towards a car a couple of times, and she didn't respond the first time. The second time she said that she didn't have any money. Well, my dad just told me a week ago that because I had smoked pot in my sophomore year of college (this is now 3 years later) that I wasn't "clean", and he told my grandparents that when they were about to buy me a car.
I feel bad now because my grandpa had a small brain tumor and got minor brain damage from it. But they really raked me over the coals and put me in an awful situation. My parents will threaten to kick me out over anything minor so I really try to avoid communication with them. I visited my grandparents a couple of times in the past 6 months, and I know they're getting old and could suddenly die. But it really feels like they fooled me into my current situation and, they bought my other cousin a 3 grand car and my other cousin a 10 grand car. I asked for a loan in the $500-$1000 range, or to live with them where more work opportunities are and pay $100 in rent a month for 6 months until I could get on my feet (they're very well off, she donates like 3 grand a year to wolf foundations). They claimed no one could live with them right now because of her back pain.
So now, my father has lied to my grandparents, my grandparents discussed it in no way with me and just said they weren't helping me, but now my grandpa had brain damage and asks to see me. I feel bad but at the same time I feel like I'm the one they cast to the side and said "haha fuck him, he smoked the marijuana plant a few years ago. We're not gonna help him".
My mother is a narcissist that tries to push my buttons until I say something mean, and then uses that as fuel to create drama with my father for attention or as an excuse to be angry.
All in all I feel like my parents' behavior is the reason I have panic attacks and I feel as though I should cut off communication when I'm stable, and put my focus on bettering myself over taking the time to visit my grandparents.
In 6 weeks I should have enough to quit my job and get sleep apnea surgery because if I move into the wrong position I wake up gasping for air and get black circles under my eyes, and extreme fatigue. I'll be able to have a car for my dad to teach me to drive in. I just think that my family has toxic behavior even though my parents helped me go to college and gave me rides to work when I was under 18, and gave me 2-3 meals a day of decent to shitty food. The years of harassment and screaming at me when I try to have a conversation with them about anything has really fucked with my head and its taken a long time to learn how to be human again. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
k8Kx9nfKtRu4Aqp7LvSv23t2ql8KrUS8 | aklsm3 | {
"description": "not liking my mums cookbook",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | aita for not liking my mums cookbook | so a few weeks ago I got a cookbook from my mum for my birthday. it's one of the teen survival cookbooks.
it's pretty cool but it's not vegan.
my mum has known I'm vegan for months now and when I got it I faked being happy and put it on my bookshelf. I assumed the issue was over.
this is when the issue happened.
mum came over and asked if I had used the book and I said no, she asked why and i said i looked through and there was no vegan recipes. she then said that I could of substituted some of the stuff, I replied that my level of cooking is not that good and I'm still sticking to Google recipes for most of my food ideas. she got mad and left my house.
she is now super mad and won't come over to visit. she also told me I'm ungrateful.
I get that I did not like the gift, but why gift a book that has no vegan options to someone you know is vegan.
I now feel kinda shit.
aita for not liking the book
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
e3ivu8kumJ7zLfGFM3ZIU4Q2y8iOmBXR | ao6k2u | null | AITA for the details of a date/hookup being broadcast through a restaurant? | So to preface and give a bit of context, I'm a guy in my mid 20's who doesn't date a ton, maybe every couple months I'll get the balls to ask someone out.
On Tuesday I had a date with a girl I'd met almost a year ago but never got past talking to since she lives in a different nearby city, but I decided last week that I'd be willing to make the trip and have a night out and she was on board.
Things went great, we ended up back at her place and it was early AM so she invited me to stay the night, and we ended up having sex. Great time for both of us overall, about as good as I could ever hope a first date would go.
The problem, however, was that every Weds I host an event at a local pub/grill and since I wasn't getting home until 8 am I didn't have time to prepare everything and still get my own work done, so I called my co-host (late 20's) and asked him to do a part. He put 2 and 2 together, and I confirmed his suspicions as I thought it was safe to discuss with someone I consider a friend (maybe I'm wrong and an asshole for this, too?).
Didn't really think anything of it, got to the venue in the evening and saw her best friend there (she was the one who convinced me to ask her out the week prior) but we didn't speak because she looked fully locked into some homework.
Unfortunately, my co-host is the one on the microphone for this event, and as he had a few drinks he started announcing to everyone that I'd been on a date, and kept saying "aitata got laid, aitata got pussy during his date in (city)" etc. Which her best friend definitely heard. To say I was very embarrassed and a bit mortified would be accurate, I thought I could expect that conversation to be private but I guess I shouldn't share things that I don't want getting out. I didn't say anything and just kind of ignored it.
Anyway, I'm pretty sure her friend was telling her what a piece of shit I am because to anyone else it must have sounded like I was bragging about some sexual conquest, but in reality I really enjoyed seeing her and was hoping to plan something again soon. I texted her asking if she'd spoken to her friend, but haven't received anything back in over half a day now which is very unusual and basically confirms my suspicions.
​
I'm wondering if I should try to talk to her and explain my side and apologize, or just accept that my actions have consequences, and keep my mouth shut next time. I'm definitely feeling like an asshole, she's had some issues with stalker/obsessive guys in the past and the last thing I want to do is keep trying to get a hold of her and make her feel obligated to talk to me if she doesn't want to because none of this is her doing. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
WNqOy1DYiUiVgG2yf4FtcIzCSOF0J7Ql | 9tragn | {
"description": "being angry at my dad when he told me he is having another son",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being angry at my dad when he told me he is having another son? | So my parents are divorced and i always knew that eventually they would find new partners and move on. I already know my dad has a girlfriend .
The thing comes this day when we were having lunch together and i thought he was going to give me the news that her girlfriend was pregnant BUT the real suprise comes to my like a slap when he says 'you have a new little brother he was born a mont ago'
Instantly in that moment i felt rage but now i don't know if i was really allowed to?
Im still furious and i don't think i will be able to calm down at least for a while.
But do i have a right to be angry or AITA?
Have in mind that he is really manipulative and he started sobbing while telling me this, i used to fell for that when i was younger but now im more immune. | HISTORICAL | {
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AMtXVitWF6ylgjhSDzBahKbFiaS7WNcv | b6htf5 | {
"description": "still talking to my ex wife",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 17
} | AITA for still talking to my ex wife? | I (35M) was married to my ex wife (33F) for 3 years and together for 4. I’ve been with my current wife (34F) for 8 years and I love her more than words can explain. We have a 4 year old daughter. I have no kids with my ex.
My wife and I divorced because we eventually found that we were incompatible. I met my current wife a year after our divorce. We got married 6 years ago.
A few months ago my ex wife reached out to me. She wanted me to know that her brother (46M) passed away. He was battling cancer for a long time. I was still with my ex when we found out. I was pretty good friends with him and kept in touch with him every now and then. One thing lead to another and we were telling each other about our lives. We’ve been talking ever since.
I do admit that we’ve talked about our relationship and what we could’ve done to fix it. There’s been some pretty emotional conversations. I believe the farthest it has gone is us agreeing that we should have tried harder to work through our problems. I’ve also told her about some of my personal issues I’ve had instead of telling my wife. She has also been emotionally relying on me for the past few months.
Yesterday, my wife saw our messages. I was never hiding them but I also never told her we were still talking. She does know that we talked about her brother for a little bit. She was crying and went to work without saying goodbye. When she got home she went straight to the guest room and locked herself in there. I’m not sure what to do but I obviously still and will always care for my ex wife. We were married after all.
I’m not sure if my wife is the asshole or if I am. I feel like she can’t expect me to not care for my ex wife. I don’t think she understands because I’m her first husband.
| HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
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} | WRONG |
thdilxhoZj423Vjl69SQSp1ql4Jjy5wG | b224sv | {
"description": "not doing any work on a group assignment",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not doing any work on a group assignment? | So for an assignment I got paired up with this girl, shes alright. We basically laid out a bunch of crap we had to do and agreed to just allocate yourself on what you want to do.
​
Anyways, come a week later when I decide to start working on the assignment, I found out she did EVERYTHING. She took all the work, and now shes super pissed because I didn't do any work.
​
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 4
} | INFO | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
EvWH8D07m4McXcKTS3EFJxs8eU4oEhOS | a6ggz1 | {
"description": "wanting to spend less time with my girlfriends family",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for wanting to spend less time with my girlfriends family | My girlfriend and I live together and frequently see her family 2-3 times a week - each of these times being an all day event that I get feel guilted into going to by my girlfriend. It has just been too much for me. I'm happy to see them occasionally and do my duty so to speak, but it's just been too frequent for me. In no universe do I want to prevent her from seeing them, but I feel that I need to be opting out more often than not recently. She has gotten frustrated with me whenever I opt out.
​
Her family are genuinely great people, but it is exhausting being with them. We connect politely, but I don't really have much in common with her parents or her sister. When we're over there she is enjoying her time, chatting, doing whatever -- but I'm always left twiddling my thumbs (and I try to make small talk, connect, etc.). I swear I have tried, but the experience is 9 times out 10 just immensely boring - and I feel that I need to be sort of "on my best behavior" - which is exhausting. What can be frustrating too is that she'll go off with her sister and literally ignore me when I try to continue a conversation with them -- or just hang out. I get that seeing her family is a part of the deal, but spending time with them is killing me and I don't get why I have to be there along with her so frequently.
​
Case in point: we went to her family's for Thanksgiving. We were there for the day, awesome, cool, normal Thanksgiving. Then, it's like 7 pm - about time to leave right? Great to see you, hugs, bye - then, she decides to sleep over. She poses this as a question to me - but it's not really a question, it's an answer yes or I'll get teary eyed, pouty, and become a mute for the rest of the day. So 7 pm to 11 pm is spent watching fucking America's Funniest Home videos with her family, who I've already spent \~10-15 hours with that week -- and literally just kill me. The next morning we are then still there until like 1 pm - she's talking to her parents about different things, while I am twiddling my thumbs.
​
So, this sort of a came to a head today. She's going over her parents to make perogies for Christmas. I offered to come for 4-5 hours to help out. She was less than content with this idea. She told me she doesn't know when she wants to leave (read: we will be leaving at 10 pm and the entire Saturday will be spent with me attempting to make small talk and twiddling my thumbs). I offered to drive my own car and leave after the 4-5 hours. Same answer. I can't imagine that I was being unreasonable.
​
Am I the asshole and does anyone have any advice moving forward? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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wFhd4YwVXsU1fYzpo4WE4lMn9C3GXlkH | ams2ul | {
"description": "trying to get my neighbor kicked out",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for trying to get my neighbor kicked out? | I have this neighbor that’s kind of a cocksuker. Basically he spends most of his time in his apartment smoking weed and playing loud music. Normally this wouldn’t annoy me but we started to have an issue with him being aggressive and weird.
In NYE I had a small family get together. It was my family and my BIL family and their spouses. We had some salsa playing and my neighbor knocks on the door and not only does he look higher than a giraffes pussy but he says something about how he’s a salsa instructor and he’ll be right over? I was like um I don’t think so I think we’re shutting down especially as some of the guests where passing out that was the end of that. Whatever my husband was downstairs and on the way back upstairs the neighbor barges in with my husband and he starts to get kind of rowdy(yes you read that correctly my husband didn’t allow him in he snuck in). I get side tracked for a min and when I come back he was getting in one of my guests faces and they’re pushing each other around. I tell the neighbor to please leave and we actually had to force him out by pushing him. Long story short the fucker tries coming back and this time he tries pushing the girl who opened the door out of the way to get in and she pushes him out and locks the door.
Then a couple weeks later we got home from the bar at like 230 and he was sleeping on these benches our floors have outside. He wakes up and begs my husband to let him sleep in our house bc his fiancé locked him out. Again he looks high as fuck and he creeps me out and we lied and got out of that but he followed us and tried coming in.
Then another couple weeks later he locks HER out of the house and starts a giant scandal of her banging the shit out of the door from 1 am to like 4 something. Then he lets her in.
Anyway from that point on I haven’t felt very safe and i don’t like the fact that he gets super drugged out (apparently it’s coke by what he’s mentioned to my husband in passing).
Skip to last week the apartment gets an email that someone on our floor has been smoking and that ends their contract. I know for a fact that the only person we’ve seen smoking is him and that would mean he gets kicked out of the apartment. I have access to their balcony view which means I can totally report him therefore getting him kicked out. Normally I don’t do shit like that as I’ve also smoked (weed) but he scares me and seems like a dangerous person to live next door to. I don’t wanna rat on him but this seems like my perfect chance. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
eJfqAPrJ6lLtQWQJwLOiNMH2pVDJVvV8 | akinrf | {
"description": "not appreciating my BF's romantic gesture",
"pronormative_score": 32,
"contranormative_score": 21
} | AITA for not appreciating my BF's romantic gesture? | A few weeks ago, my boyfriend and I decided to go on a break. I called it, and it wasn't for anything specific he had done wrong, I just needed some space to see if we should continue this relationship, as I haven't been happy but he thinks we're going to get married one day. We decided we would update each other about once a week and cut all other contact.
Then, a few days ago, he decided to take the day off work, drive to my school (2 hours away) and surprise me with roses and food, etc. He knows my work and class schedule and knows I'm pretty busy from 6a - 6p. He walks into my job at 7a, and acts like we never were on a break, hugs and kisses me, asks to come back on the weekend, and says he made dinner reservations tonight. I tried to play it off as I didn't have time to have a serious conversation with him until after classes and work, so when he picked me up for dinner I told him that I understood he had good intentions but it was really inappropriate for him to drive up here and do this. He was upset that he had put time and effort and money into it. Am I wrong for not being appreciative? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 14,
"OTHER": 25,
"EVERYBODY": 7,
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"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 32,
"WRONG": 21
} | RIGHT |
A8gPxodCHQd9AJqYd9dp41hccWpUD3tM | apt67z | {
"description": "feeling angry",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for feeling angry? | Tl;dr at the bottom.
Obligatory throwaway because my gf is on reddit and knows my primary.
Me and my now gf are college sweethearts and have been together for almost 5 years now. After college ended, we both went to different cities for our careers.
We've been in an LDR for 3 years now, though we do meet every 3 to 4 months. Initially, my job didn't pay much, so she visited me, and now that I've got a good income, I visit her. I don't think the issue lies in this, but wanted to give proper context.
A year and a half back, we decided to meet each other's parents. She came over to my house first. This is where my question starts.
My mother is a bit of a snob. Quite a lot, actually. She believes she is a great person and has achieved a lot. Honestly, she has achieved quite a lot in her life, and inspite of being a woman (my country had a glass ceiling for women when she was in her career's infancy). But she shows a lot of attitude. I've grown used to it, given she is my mother, but I know my s/o would feel different. I had discussed this with her before the meeting.
My mother behaved fine other than one really humiliating episode over etiquette. That was BAD. And not in front of me (though I know it happened, my mother's and my gf's versions match)
After my gf told me, I fought with my mother and have stopped talking with her more or less. I apologized to my gf on behalf of my mother. I forbade my mother frok ever talking to my gf and showed my gf this when it was brought up.
3 months later, I went to meet her parents. They are delightful. Her brother also welcomed me happily. They have very strict rules on hygiene, which I didn't know about and fucked up quite a few times. Her mother explained them to me each time politely and I soon adopted them inside her house. But my gf kept shouting at me, both in front of her parents and without.
Now its a year since and her parents had a medical condition they were being operated on. I came to help them to their house. What started out as a simple operation soon developed complications. All throughout this, my gf has been berating and shouting at me over every small thing. I can understand to some extent if it's not infront of her hospitalized parents, but she even does that in front of them.
For context, our country doesn't look too well on physical comforting in front of parents. Also, my gf doesn't shout at me otherwise, just at her home (barring the twice a month fights we have)
Tl;dr Am I the asshole for being angry at my shouting gf? She suffered one humiliating episode with my mother and I didn't know their hygiene rules, which I flouted. | HISTORICAL | {
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7ZVGzlzS9HjQWOrINO9Ddpeyvc0wOCKt | anhqf9 | {
"description": "having feelings for my ex sometimes",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA because I have feelings for my ex sometimes? | There’s a new movie coming out from a series that me and my ex got into together. The main characters reminded us of him and I. He used to be so sweet and weird and fun and kind and supportive. I loved him so much, and then he started being manipulative and jealous and drive all my friends away. I broke up with him after a long time together.
The third installment of the series is coming out soon and seeing all the fanart and gifs and commercials is making me have these stupid thoughts, like what if I made the wrong choice in breaking up with him? What if I gave him more time to work on the jealousy? Maybe we would still be together.
The worst of it is that I daydreamed about asking him to leave his new gf and take me back. Just awful shitty thoughts. I’m just scared of watching the newest movie with my current SO (who I love very much and have been with for 3 years now) because it brings up old uncomfortable feelings.
Am I an asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
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GwR6T9FPTuXDF1OTu62iZubiTxle5iZs | b6zr46 | {
"description": "not skipping a family member's birthday party to see my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for not skipping a family member’s birthday party to see my girlfriend? | My girlfriend and I have been together for six months. We both go to college, but we each go to a different school, located about two hours away from each other. Needless to say, it is difficult to maintain this long distance relationship. To combat this, we have vowed to see each other as often as possible. This began as just trying to find days to see each other in our busy schedules, but soon evolved into me just driving the two hours after classes on Friday, spending the night on Friday and Saturday, and leaving Sunday afternoon, because I’m the only one with a vehicle. This system has worked relatively well. We have had to work around our jobs, social lives, and families, but we’ve been able to make it work. However, my job often requires me to work strange hours, and sometimes I need to work weekends. My girlfriend knows and understands this, and she is fine with seeing me whenever I am able to make it out there, when it comes to my job.
This weekend, however, has turned into a total shitshow. I was not originally scheduled to work the weekend, but I offered to cover for my pregnant coworker. My GF was fine with this, as our schedules worked out to where I drove over this past Tuesday night and spent Wednesday with her. She asked me to come on Sunday, as that’s the only other day I didn’t have to work. So I am working today and tomorrow, but on Sunday, my father just informed me we are having a big get-together for my brother’s birthday. Being together to celebrate is very important in my family, so I have an obligation to go. It’s also important to note that I haven’t seen my family in weeks because I only leave campus to see my GF. I told my GF that I could not make it to see her on Sunday because of this birthday party, but she was welcome to come if she wanted, I would just go pick her up. She has always expressed disdain towards my family, so it’s understandable that she wouldn’t want to go. But now she is upset with me because I can’t see her on Sunday due to this unexpected change in plans. She says that I never make time for her, and that I should want to be with her more than with my family. I think she’s overreacting, because I’ll see her again next weekend.
So, AITA for skipping a predetermined day to see my girlfriend for an impromptu family event? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
8XoGPv9qfPzJDUiHZrx70kc3kIw7RkFB | aqm3je | {
"description": "taking up too much space on crowded public transportation",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for taking up too much space on crowded public transportation? | I usually take the bus to and from school, since the public transport in my city is usually on time, and my family doesn't own a car. Today, I had more luggage than usual for a couple reasons. One, I had gym class and practice for my sport, so I had my gym bag with my clothes, sneakers, uniform, etc. Second, my backpack was pretty voluminous, since I was bringing home textbooks to study for my exams next week. The luggage rack at the front of the bus was already considerably full of stuff, so I opted not to leave my bags there. The gym bag is a sling/cross body one that I kept on when I sat down, while I took the backpack off. I put the backpack on one knee, while keeping the sling bag tight to the other side of my body. It was poking a little bit into the seat of person sitting next to me, but they didn't seem to mind when I asked them if it was alright. If I had chosen to stay standing or put one of the bags on the floor, they would have taken up a lot more valuable standing room than they were already. So, the stops pass, and the person next to me gets off and nobody takes their place. The way I have my sling bag positioned, its taking up some of the adjacent seat, but that's the best I could do with the space allotted and the size of the bags. If somebody wished, they could easily sit down. At this point, the entire bus is packed with people, but not to the point where you can't move around. This young-to-middle aged guy standing a couple feet behind me taps my shoulder roughly to get my attention, and he tells me, a person who is wearing a school uniform and is *clearly* a student to, and I quote: "Move my bag because its f*****g crowded". Obviously, I'm not used to being spoken to this way, so I tried my best to adjust my bag so it's off the seat. It wasn't much of an improvement, but the seat was a bit more open. Even after this, nobody moved to take up the seat that was "vacated" by my bag, including the guy who told me to move it. I kept a straight face on the bus, but I felt terrible after getting off.
tl;dr I had big bags on crowded transport, random guy tells me, a student, to "Move my bag because its f*****g crowded", despite me trying to minimize the space it took up.
AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
raqqI6S5Uos2OYIBHKeyz3c5umVrUN53 | ac7wum | {
"description": "having a contractor do the work that my apartment manager should be getting done",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA: for having a contractor do the work that my apartment manager should be getting done? | Our apartment need some repairs. We have leaks in several rooms, the interior doors are falling apart and the exterior one was hung improperly which allows a powerful draft inside. The door frame is termite eaten. Our garbage disposal sprays water in the undersink cabinet. Generally the place needs work.
We have put in requests multiple times and we get the "oh the maintenance guys are busy" or "we have empty units that we are updating before finishing construction arround the complex".
This just does not seem right and maybe even illegal (not sure).
Would I be the asshole for hiring a contractor and billing the landlord? It seems that no work will get done otherwise. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
8It5awiymEGmwDLUsqKonwnIFYcAl1cO | al5ip2 | {
"description": "not wanting my mom to plan a wedding party for us",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not wanting my mom to plan a wedding party for us? | My fiance and I are quiet people and decided that we really don't want a big, fancy wedding and we wanted to keep things really simple. We have been long distance for a while now (different countries) and we also like to smoke weed (this is relevant later). We are planning on having an elopement style wedding in Colorado where we won't need to have witnesses, no big reception, no small talk with acquaintances we'd feel obligated to invite, no pressures to put on a show or make our special day something that someone else wants. We wanted to have a small get together so my fiance can meet and get to know some of my close friends that he hears me talk about all the time. They all either know we smoke and have no issue with it or smoke themselves. I also currently live in California where it's legal.
My mom was the head cheerleader in high school and has the lasting personality traits to match. She always dreamed of dressing her daughter in pink and planning my wedding and loves watching what I consider garbage shows like Say Yes To The Dress and 90 Day Fiance. She also has a hard time seeing things through others' perspectives. We're clearly at odds on this wedding. I asked her if she was ok with us doing an elopement on our own since my fiance's family can't come to the wedding and we wanted to keep it fair so by just us doing it as just us, nobody's family feels left out and we get to have our small and personal wedding. My mom said she was ok with it and that we're in our 30s and that it's perfectly ok for a couple to not want a traditional wedding.
My mom insisted on throwing a celebratory party for us at her house when we get back from Colorado as a married couple. We agreed as it would allow us to get together with my close friends like we wanted. At first she told me the guest list for it would be up to me and we could keep it small. Not too long after that, she started talking about wanting to have the party catered and inviting a bunch of people including neighbors (some of which I don't even like), her coworkers that I've never even met, family friends I don't really talk to... needless to say the guestlist more than doubled with just the people she wants to have there. She also demanded that we don't smoke while people are there even though she doesn't have a problem with us smoking in the garage at hers any other time.
I told her I needed to draw the line there and that this is supposed to be a party for me and my fiance and shouldn't include people that we don't know, don't want to see, and who would have a problem with us being who we are. I told her that if we were having a full wedding reception, we wouldn't be inviting all these random people so this should be no different. Her response to this was "there will be so many people, you won't even notice"... which is ***exactly*** what we don't want. I also mentioned that it's not like we'd be super stoned or inviting any minors (she wants to invite my 16 year old cousin) to partake and that we'd smoke in the garage as usual and that'd it'd be no different than people showing up and everyone having a glass of wine in their hand. When I stood my ground and said that if she wants to invite a bunch of random people and make this a bigger party than we wanted, she needed to make sure that the people she's inviting know and are ok with us smoking weed casually. She threw a fit and said if we can't go a few hours without getting high, just to forget the whole party and now she's refusing to host the party and won't talk to me.
I mean I get that she isn't getting to have the big wedding for her daughter that she may have always imagined and maybe she feels like I'm also taking something else away from her by not wanting a big reception too. I just don't think it's too much to ask that if she's going to throw us a party that it be within the limits of what we would actually enjoy or am I supposed to just be grateful and suck it up? Am I the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
MrvTGj0zJU0KqnITikfRNhKw1Ssbw9Fr | axdeix | {
"description": "expecting my boyfriend to pay for everything",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for expecting my boyfriend to pay for everything | This is probably going to sound weird to a lot of you, but here goes.
My boyfriend (31M) and I (23F) have been together for 4 years and living together for more than 2. I've been finishing up school, while he has a very well-paying job and also substantial family money. He pays most of our day to day expenses, though certain things I have always paid, like some food, clothing, my own phone, car, and tuition. Our condo is owned by his family business.
We regularly attend events associated with his work or go out ourselves to clubs in the city. We like to get dressed up - for ourselves and for each other - and I spent a lot on clothes, shoes etc. as does he. We're open when it comes to communication, and he has certain expectations for my own appearance at these events, especially work-related ones. I'm sure some of you are scoffing at me as a trophy wife (or gf) or something, but it's more to do with his reputation and also making connections in his industry, and it's something we both enjoy. Anyway, a short dress and some nice heels are frequent themes.
Since I have student debt and a limited income, I feel it would be reasonable for him to pay for my expenses when we're going to an event that is related to his work. While he may gift me clothes or accessories, he says I should still be paying for my own clothing on a day-to-day basis. He'll buy me drinks, but I sometimes have to pay cover at a club. In a way, we split things as if we have equal means, but we don't at all.
This issue arose again when I decided to get breast implants. It's something both he and I have wanted for a while, but I expected that he would pay the cost for it himself. Instead, he thinks we should share the cost, because I'm going to benefit from it in the instagram modeling that I do. He's probably right, but given our finances I was just expecting that he would pay for it. He then said that if he was going to pay for it all, then he'd want input on it and some terms. That doesn't bother me - I want his input anyway - but I'm sure his terms will be to wear certain outfits as I know that's a turn on for him.
Anyway, it seems to me that he has the means to pay for essentially all of these expenses - food, clothing, car etc. - without so much as a dent in his own finances. I could pay off my student debt and we'd be on our way. While I've hinted in this direction, I haven't asked directly yet. Before I do so, I thought I'd ask if this makes me the asshole for expecting this or thinking it is reasonable.
​
​
​ | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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"INFO": 3
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
n1m9r027bQVGDCtNTELbCuajDTSNJ7ik | a6pm5n | {
"description": "wanting my license",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for wanting my license | Hey reddit, I’m almost 20 and I’ve been on my learner’s permit for 4 years now. There’s nothing particularly bad about my driving (my parallel parking leaves something to be desired, of course), but my mother’s reasoning is that I do not have a vehicle. Fine, fair enough. I got a job as soon as she allowed me and figured I’d fix up one of the two vehicles that have just been sitting in our driveway as it wouldn’t take more than $600 - She disagreed with this and barred me from doing so. I proposed an offer to her wherein she purchased a shitty vehicle of my choosing that would pass our mutual expectations - I’d also pay for my insurance and all maintenance with the exception of something big happening. I told her I’d pay her back plus interest for any expenses incurred that she paid for. I just want her to fix the mess she made with my license in the first place (I went to drivers ed and finished everything with high ratings but she never let me go back for any of my paperwork or the test... 4 years ago). I’m not in the mood to go through all of that again and I told her that she wasted $400+ because of this but she’s very childish and believes that anything she thinks is the truth, regardless.
All that I’ve asked for for any occasion has been my license and a vehicle. She won’t let me purchase my own but will not let me do anything else. I’m forced to be dependent on her yet I don’t live with her and I resent being dependent on anybody. In my opinion, this is ridiculous and illogical. I want to get a job but I cannot without a vehicle. She will not allow me my license until I have a job where I currently live. I don’t really care if I don’t get anything for the next several years at all, I just want these two things. I understand that we had money issues but she just spent $8k in ~3 months on various unnecessary items so I don’t really find this to be anything valid. She likes to bring up all the things she’s purchased “for me” that “I don’t appreciate” but 99% of these items were not requested by me, nor do I have any interest or need for them. I appreciate the gesture but I don’t see the point.
So reddit... AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
PkkyqDiAxKvL7DhOzgriDIOYLWM2Ce0o | b7axde | {
"description": "selling my dead grandfather's house and evicting his widow",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 27
} | AITA for selling my dead grandfather's house and evicting his widow? | My grandfather died in early February and he left his house to me since i'm the eldest grandchild and all the belongings in the house to his children. However he gave his wife a life interest which means she can stay in the house as long as she wants to so i share the house with her.
Bit of backstory, everyone HATES his wife because she treated my family like shit for over 20 years. A few weeks ago my mother came by the house because she wanted to take one of his TVs to her house and the widow threw a tantrum, openly disrespecting my mother and threatening to call the police if she didn't leave. My mother told her she didn't want any trouble she just wanted the TV which was rightfully hers and that would be it. A lawyer came and settled it and my mother took the TV and that was that.
Yesterday she sent my mother a cease and desist letter at her workplace as well as a restraining order preventing my mother from coming near the house. My mom used to be the only person in the family who actually liked her so this caused a rift. Now the wife is threatening me with a lawyer because i don't pay bills (I'm still a student so i don't work yet).My close family think she's doing all this because she wants the house for herself. So i decided to end all this and sell the house and all the stuff in it. Now her family who have nothing to do with the issue are attacking me saying she'll have no place to live and i'm a horrible person but i've had enough of this conflict. Am i the asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 22,
"OTHER": 16,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 27
} | WRONG |
8QwUFQgWnNX3ZgI9rG39zYxLENYMffZS | ao6qhp | {
"description": "going off over a truck payment",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for going off over a truck payment? | My (26F) 30 year old boyfriend has been in and out of trouble a lot and is \*trying\* to get his life back on track. I got a truck in my name for him and he is VERY spotty with payments. I put 5k down for him, also made 3 payments now since last July). We have been talking about building some furniture for the office in my house and shit hit the fan:
[https://imgur.com/a/vPdcifZ](https://imgur.com/a/vPdcifZ)
​
I have never asked him to buy materials for the office going in my house. I fully expected to pay for all of the office materials, so that added to me being annoyed. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 5,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
9sBJGiEkm21Le6KkhlBQEyzPsdJsOt3s | a2b3ti | {
"description": "not being there for a suicidal \"friend\"",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not being there for a suicidal "friend"? | Throwaway account.
​
I know this sounds bad, but hear me out. I'm sorry if there are unnecessary details in there, but I'm just trying to clarify my situation as much as possible.
​
There's this girl I know who goes to the same university I go to. We don't share any classes or anything, but she's friends with both my brother and my cousin, so I see her around. I've noticed over the past year that she's been trying to get closer to me; she even said she wants to be friends with me, rather than just acquaintances. I don't really mind, but I'm pretty sure what she really wants is to start something between us. I know she's into me (for several reasons, not the matter of discussion here) and I'm not interested. Not in her, not in "finding love", and not in any sort of romantic and/or sexual relationship. So I figured, since she's not really my friend and she might bring drama/complications into my life that I'd rather avoid, I am not gonna let things grow more than they have to. I never start any conversations, never plan any hangouts that involve her, and just generally drop subtle hints that I'm not interested in relationships at this stage in my life. Regardless, she still talks to me/hang outs with me every now and then. I am not annoyed, since she's reasonable, not too clingy, not overdoing things. We're basically closer to being "friends" than we were before, but we're still not.
​
Now a week or two ago, she texted me and told me she really needs to talk. I say "sure, whats up?" and she proceeds to open up to me about her depression and suicidal tendencies. She told me that she tried to commit suicide and we had a long talk. I don't care for her much, but she's human and I tried my best to listen and help, and I recommended that she sees a therapist. And thats it. I didnt ask again. I met her at uni a few days ago and we just had a short small talk and thats all. I dont consider her someone close to me or a friend and I don't really care about her (I mean I do care to an extent, since she's a decent human and a person I know, but not more than that), but I really feel bad. I'm scared that she's trying to lure me in to build a connection, but I'm even more scared that she'd actually commit suicide and I'd have to bear the guilt.
​
I also know that she didnt open up to my brother and cousin (who are pretty close friends with her). So AITA for not being there for her when she chose to open up to me of all people?
​
I should also note that a very close friend of mine recently turned out to have been a lying/deceptive asshole for the past 4-5 years, which is why I'm generally more careful with who I believe/trust than I used to be. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
VD32SNkLDShl5CKsDiC1KUsaeSmfScJR | amyf6x | {
"description": "not wanting to socialize with my family",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to socialize with my family? | Before I start, I want to say that I'm using a throwaway account for this because I don't want to take any risks with my family, since I'm not entirely sure what platforms they all use.
Let me start by saying that I'm a 19 year old full-time student going to a community college. I have around 3-4 classes a day, and I take the bus 3 cities over because I don't own a car and my parents can't take me because of conflicting times with my other siblings. Fair enough, the college pays for my bus rides all semester which is included with my tuition, and it's about a 2 hour bus ride from my house to my college anyways. Being a full time student is rough because I don't have time to work later in the day which means I don't have any income for myself to spend on movies, food, etc. I get all my money from doing chores around the house and my father gives me money from time to time. I greatly appreciate him for this, and fully know well that he isn't required to do this. However, he's been using this as an excuse to get me out of my room.
One of the main reasons I stay in my room is usually because I'm either doing my homework, which has been overwhelming me lately, and to listen to Spotify and chat with my online friends while I get my stuff done. I close the door so I can focus and only ever come down to eat once in a while. However my parents don't really like this and usually tell me to get out of my room, which I do after I finish all my work. If they don't ask, I usually just spend the day playing some casual games with my friends to help me relax. When I'm downstairs, I don't talk, I don't do anything. I just sit there and look for any chance to go back up to my room.
The main reason I don't like to socialize with my family is because they often decide to poke fun at my personal life, saying how I'm never home, how lazy I am of a person for not doing anything all day, and all that. I absolutely despise this, and have told them all numerous times that I take the damn bus to school. They tell me I should get a job so I don't have to worry about that and I tell them that I can't because again, I take the bus. (My classes start at around 8:00am and I have to grab the bus at 5:30am because of the long rides. Classes end at 4:00pm and I get home around 6:00pm, depending on whether or not the bus is behind schedule, which it usually is. Bus service around here sucks. Keep in mind by this time it's usually dark.) This leads to even more bullying by my family, saying I "always have an excuse for everything", which supposedly makes me lazy?
After all this bullying, I've tended to completely avoid them as much as I can. But even more so lately, my father has always called me down to take care of my brother because he wants someone to play with. I wouldn't have a problem with this (during my free time) if it wasn't for the fact that all he ever does is watch the TV, and on full blast too, like he's in some god damn theater. Same goes for my mother, always on her phone either chatting with relatives or browsing Facebook. I always ask them why they can't take care of him when I actually have things to do and they're just sitting there. They then turn the finger on me and make me seem like the bad person, saying that I never want to hang out with my brother and that I "hate him". This isn't even close to true. I love my brother with all my heart and would take a bullet for him, and hearing that really just aggravated me and making it seem like the guilt trip is working. Whether I like it or not, I'm forced to have to go downstairs and stay with them, but the entire time is just hell. The TV is on full blast of course, my sister is allowed to stay upstairs and chat with her friends on FaceTime, both my mother and father are laughing and enjoying themselves and I'm downstairs with nothing. If I pull out my phone, my parents tell me to put it away. They don't want me to be entertained at all. I'd at least enjoy it if I had someone to talk to.
Now for my siblings, they don't get off on bullying me like my parents do, but they usually never pay attention to me and use me as "the bait". I'm always the one getting blamed for anything, and my parents, being the bullies they are believe it. I know that probably sounds exaggerated, but believe me, it's not. My sister only ever talks to me when she has literally nothing else to do, and her talks are incredibly short. My little brother can barely talk at all, so I can't really communicate well with him.
On weekends, they tend to go out to fun places like parks, fairs, and have even gone to amusement parks 3 times without waking me up first and asking if I want to go. They only ever absolutely need me on the weekends if they're going to the store or to run errands, to make me do all the heavy lifting (like carrying grocery bags or pushing the cart).
TL;DR - Full-time car-less college student can't work, never has time for family, and they guilt trip him since he never hangs out with them, despite parents bullying him and siblings never wanting to socialize. This leads to him not wanting to hang out with his family in any way and bad relationship with them. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
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} | RIGHT |
jcUrMUxFpw1LaOhZYjkkb8RtNhuDPhYs | b1b6a2 | {
"description": "telling my friend she needed to delete her coming out post",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for telling my friend she needed to delete her coming out post? | I’m on mobile, so sorry for formatting.
My friend recently came out as gay to us. We were nothing but supportive and accepting of her. She was worried we would think she had a crush on one of us and we told her not to worry about it because we are children and even if she did have a crush on one of us it wouldn’t change anything.
Pretty mature in my opinion. Imagine my surprise when I got home and looked on Instagram (this happened a week ago) to find a photo of lesbian stuff (women kissing etc) with the caption “I just came out to my friends. I don’t care about the hate I’m getting I’m just happy to be me”.
In my opinion this came across as my friends giving her hate based on her sexuality and I didn’t want to be portrayed as that kind of person. I confronted her at school the next day about it and told her to either edit or remove the post. She said I was an asshole and that I didn’t have a say.
My friendship group is massive. It consists of over 15 people who chill with me everyday. None of these people gave her shit for it.
AITA for insisting she remove a post that paints me in a bad light? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 8
} | WRONG |
HiU4MAB0huYKLstNhTzzIgIKprPqxLsP | a4sv1w | {
"description": "not giving back someone's games that *might* be theirs",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not giving back someone’s games that *might* be theirs? | So I broke up with a partner 8 years ago and we split up our things pretty evenly and fairly, including several video game systems, consoles, and games. Now (8 YEARS later) I am cleaning things out to move to a different city. I decided to sell some of my old gaming systems including an NES and some games. I listed them online and did a social media post and have been getting some pretty decent offers and I really need the money right now (between jobs and moving).
I got a message from a friend of the ex (who I haven’t ever talked to or heard from since we split almost a DECADE ago) and he says that the system is his and he recognized the games from his childhood and he wants it back.
I really need the money right now, AND I took the system because we EACH had one (2 in the house, one was mine and I guess the other one was actually this friends’) and we split up the games and each took ones we liked or separated ones we had doubles of.
AITA for saying “sorry dude, this is my system and maybe some of these games were yours but ur friend effed up and they’re mine now so I’m selling them; I need the money.” ?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
s4B6CgLRAUYe7YzJ3zM523R39YeL74rM | ax5hfj | {
"description": "not paying his ticket",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA? for not paying his ticket? | So when I was like 14 years old I had not really that much friends. My mother wanted me to have fun so she said to the son of her bestfriend if he goes to a movie with me she would pay his ticket. I knew that guy very well, he was one of my bestfriends when we were even younger then 14 but then we grew out each other. My mother told me that she would pay his ticket and I was getting angry because I felt being used but it was already too late to cancel the movie, she wanted me to pay the ticket for him and then on a later moment she would give me the price of the ticket to myself. When at the cinema I refused to pay the ticket for him because I taught he only did it because he's getting the ticket for free. Am I the asshole for not paying the ticket?
Sorry for bad english | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
zPmKPBHMnyz3WsHPm6b1lAHIJ56SvStU | apaubb | {
"description": "grabbing her shoulder",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 17
} | Aita for grabbing her shoulder? | Something that's been weighing heavy on me. Long story short. I fall super in love with this girl. But things are going on in her life so we stay friends for a couple months. I made it clear I wanted more than friends, but I was still helping her out around her house as just a friend. Always making it clear I wanted more. I'm this time we were together a lot. We both flirted etc. Anyway, she finally let's me take her out and she's miserable the whole time. We've went out as (i paid) and everything was great.
This is the bad part. Not saying I was in the right, I absolutely wasn't. I drop her off after the date and walk her to the door. I go in for a kiss and get a hug instead. Ok, she's not feeling it. I was ok with that. Here's where I go stupid. As she walks away my plan was to grab her shoulder, turn her around gently and give her a frown face kinda to let her know I was mad. So I grab the hood of her hoodie, and she tells me goodnight, I'm ruining my chance for a second date in a harsh tone. I was kinda in shock so I held on longer than I wanted to. I'm fully admitting I messed up. That wasn't ok.
So the next day I call her first thing, I planned on helping her out more with her house. I said sorry and asked if she was mad. She said no. I got to her house and could tell she was pissed. I told her to yell at me and tell me it wasn't ok, to which she replied I was fine. Then she goes off on me. Telling me to get out. Comparing me to her abusive ex and the guy that raped her. She told me to call her in a couple weeks, but we never could've fixed that. I left and that was that.
That was 10 months ago. I never would've done anything to hurt her, and was just playing around like we both did. I get it, it wasn't ok. I made a mistake. I still beat myself up over it. Obviously there's more to the story, but I don't want to paint her as the bad guy. So am I the asshole for making the mistake, or do I just need to forgive myself? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 17,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 17
} | WRONG |
QcNcaRZFUNjpwNZC3xfLp8PQrWfLJ40m | 9y8lu9 | {
"description": "not wanting to eat dinner with my parents and their friends",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to eat dinner with my parents and their friends? | I am 23 and just recently moved back home from college. I enjoy spending time with my family at times but am not particularly pleased with being forced or guilted into doing things I dont want to do. Recently my parents told me that they were going out for dinner and asked if I would join them I said sure and when I get there i find out it is not just a quiet dinner for 3, which I was actually looking forward too, it was a party of 10 for one of my moms coworkers. Long story short am I the asshole for asking my parents to let me know who's going out before I give my answer??
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
wfnJeX5y1oyveE7Hadk7R0RERgReDyDQ | ayvz7r | {
"description": "being upset with my husband for putting me on speakerphone",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being upset with my husband for putting me on speakerphone? | I called my husband today while we were both at work. Out of nowhere, less than a minute into the conversation, he asks "Do you hate Sarah?" I thought the question was odd so I ignored it. A few seconds later it dawned on me that he had me on speaker phone and that she was probably listening. She was.
I don't like this woman and my husband knows it. My husband invited coworkers to our wedding and someone brought her as a date. She was very obnoxious, too intoxicated, and kept lifting her shirt in pictures at our wedding in the photo booth. I was annoyed that our printed photo booth book was ruined because most pages had pictures of a woman I didn't know with only a bra on. I've been polite but mostly ignored her when I've been around her.
He doesn't understand why I'm angry. I feel like he set me up in front of his friends.
When we talked about it afterward he said that it was funny and just a joke. I don't feel like that's something you should do to your wife.
So... AITA for being upset with my husband for putting me on speakerphone and asking me if I hated a woman while she listened? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
d8lmNVxzTDnZhhyValohvwjdwgmS7qKV | aszezo | {
"description": "breaking up with girlfriend over dishonesty of Marijuana use/addiction",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for breaking up with girlfriend over dishonesty of Marijuana use/addiction? | (I live in Canada and marijuana here is legal, but please keep in mind that I dislike it due to personal reasons)
I had dated this girl for just over two months and on our first date I told her that I dislike drugs (including weed). I put it out there because I don't have the same views as everyone and I respect people enough to use drugs as they please, but I will not be in a relationship with someone who smokes weed frequently.
She agreed and said that it wasn't something she liked either.
We went out for a second date days after and I could smell marijuana on her as she was in my car. This confused me as it didn't make sense because she also said that she disliked weed and other drugs too.
As we kept seeing each other her breath and clothes some days (not all the time) would smell like weed here and there, but not every single time I saw her. I didn't say anything because I didn't think it was my place and since I'm a little bit anxious I didn't want to offend her if my suspicions weren't right.
A few days ago she asked me out of the blue "To what extent do you hate weed?" (I'm paraphrasing) so I answered and told her that I would not be in a relationship with someone who frequently used it.
This is when she came clean and said she used to use a lot of different drugs but now she only smokes weed as a way to sleep, fight anxiety, feel happier and laugh.
I was unhappy and felt disrespected that I was lied to. I asked her how frequently and I found out that it was a multi daily thing. I like this girl but as I said will not date someone who uses it frequently.
She is never going to stop using it. "It's apart of me and I can't be happy without it" in her words, and I wasn't going to ask her to stop using it.
I met with her tonight and suggested a breakup and she understood my reasons, we ended it on good terms but I can't help but feeling like an asshole.
Am I? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
lfAhq9F0ZOBwHRmDr3fiCvdG2AXAAm6x | 9ydeyl | {
"description": "bailing on dinner due to cost",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for bailing on dinner due to cost | College friend was in town for work, and there were chats about a meet up with a mutual college friend. I get these kind of meetups often don't work due to schedules, but... idk...
One of the days there was a 'hey lets get dinner' suggestion which I was all for. Several restaurants were tossed out as ideas, all of which sounded great. I voted for the cheaper places, and an option of getting take out and hosting a get together.
A restaurant was chose while I busy with work. I checked the menu and it was well out of my budget, but friends had already finalized on the place with a time. I was worried about cancelling and being viewed as flakey, and so I went with the honest route. *'Sorry I can't join for dinner at restaurant due to my budget, but I'd love to catch up in another way while you are in town.'* I tried following up with plans for the friend in town to cater to his schedule with cheap options, such as coffee, but got barely more than a 'lol ok' for replies. Feel like shit, and am super worried I am the asshole.
TLDR; I feel like a huge a-hole for ghosting a friend who was in town, but I did a budget for the holidays and I just couldn't stomach the dinner cost. Am I the jerk? And even if not, how could I have handled this better? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
P0bN8qLKniFXV4ZuXRwxkMfbTG47QRVf | at85n0 | {
"description": "leaving my gf because she become a friend with marauder",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for leaving my GF because she become a friend with marauder | It's my first post in this subreddit so dont blame me :D
Im a university guy.Someone just told lies about me to a random gang.I just had my last 3 months in school like a hell.They chase me to my home,they tried to steal my phone,they tried to beat me and something like [this.](https://this.In) When school ended they came to my class and apologized about their [stupidity.](https://stupidity.So) So i just accepted their apologize. I was always talking with my gf about this happenings and she always supported me. After a year my gf become a friend with that ''gang leader'' yea i accepted their apologize but i still hate them i told my gf im not happy about her new relationship. She said okay and just dodged me. I warned him about 5-6 times. She didnt even care actually. I dont know what happened to my gf but she changed really hard. After my warnings i just leave her. I told him ''If you dont care about my life safety im gonna leave you.'' and she told ''Okay''. AITA for doing this ? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
EzLNHG9ny6pDMLMFULYr6wm4xXTGSGTY | amxp3h | {
"description": "ignoring my girlfriend for a day",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for ignoring my girlfriend for a day? | She’s been acting up and arguing with me so I went to bed. The next morning i ignored my girlfriends texts but my friend called me so I responded (male friend). Now she thinks I’m an asshole and a cheater. Am I the asshole for ignoring her when she was blatantly trying to start arguments in her texts? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 3
} | RIGHT |
dM2GVfbQImn68pQmPxEXNkT9tMXO6mbX | b35yfy | {
"description": "rejecting my boyfriend's proposal",
"pronormative_score": 154,
"contranormative_score": 133
} | AITA for rejecting my boyfriend's proposal | My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 5 years. We have been planning our engagement for a bit, and I had one big rule for the proposal and that was that he not involve anyone else in the proposal but us. I don't want to get too far into the backstory, but my ex husband essentially went behind my back to ask my parents for my hand, and I ended up forced into the marriage by pressure from him and my parents. My boyfriend knew this and definitely knew my rule because I asked him over and over not to include other people.
In spite of this, he decided to propose by first asking my children (from my first marriage) for permission and then included them in the actual proposal by having them hold up signs during the proposal. I wanted to be happy in the moment, but I was so hurt that he went against the one request I made.
I ended up taking him aside and asking him why he ignored what I asked of him. He told me it was different because they're my children and us getting married is their decision as much as it is mine and his. This really hurt me given that he knew how important my autonomy in the decision was to me. I told him I couldn't say yes to the proposal given the circumstances.
My children are furious with me and my oldest won't even speak to me. My friends called me selfish for not seeing the thoughtfulness in his proposal. I feel like no one is on my side, and I'm starting to wonder if I'm the problem. Am I an asshole for saying no to his proposal because he asked my children for permission and then included them? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 113,
"OTHER": 98,
"EVERYBODY": 20,
"NOBODY": 56,
"INFO": 6
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 154,
"WRONG": 133
} | RIGHT |
tm4ziCnIc5vO7UpBfJUnoxauOxZnyzd8 | b4ild1 | {
"description": "not caring about my ex's family tragedy",
"pronormative_score": 511,
"contranormative_score": 67
} | AITA for not caring about my ex’s family tragedy? | I dated my ex for 3 years and ended up finding out she was cheating for about half of that time. I broke up with her about 4 months ago and she moved out of my house. I ended up hearing from friends that she was painting me as the bad guy who drove her into the beds of all those guys she cheated with. No one believed her and she ended up isolating herself from the friend group because people really didn’t like the way she handled things as far as cheating and with the break up.
Her parents recently were killed in a bad car accident. It’s a shame, they were very good people. I enjoyed the time I spent around them and they treated me well. They died about 5 days ago.
My friends have been telling me over the past few days that she was asking about me and saying she wishes she could be with me and talk to me about the loss and apologize.
I don’t buy the bullshit. This isn’t about her being sincerely remorseful about anything. This is her wanting to manipulate me into emotionally supporting her through this. Her parents dying sucks and I’m sure that’s awful to deal with, but it is firmly her problem, not mine.
I told my friends this and they said they’d soften it but make sure she knows I’m not the one she should be calling or coming to.
She came over to my house early this morning a mess and crying and apologizing and begging at my doorstep. I thought about what I’d say but everything was going to be needlessly cruel so I just shit the door and she screamed so loud and for so long my neighbors called the police.
I didn’t get in trouble or anything but it was embarrassing and I had to deal with explaining things to them.
My standing on this is pretty much that it sucks for her and more for her parents. But this isn’t my job anymore—to deal with supporting her through anything. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 35,
"OTHER": 447,
"EVERYBODY": 32,
"NOBODY": 64,
"INFO": 3
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 511,
"WRONG": 67
} | RIGHT |
wAYgHemK8YnLaWvZtaZauCo9cN3Bchjj | apwloh | {
"description": "moving all my stuff out",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I move all my stuff out? | Obligatory I'm on mobile warning and a tl;dr at the bottom for those who don't want to read.
I live in a rental house with a few other people and we are all miserable. Our lease is up in May thankfully and to help the move I've been packing the stuff from my bedroom that I'm not using and moving it into a storage unit.
Recently I've been debating on moving all my stuff that's in the shared spaces too. You see a few of my roommates are a little inconsiderate when it comes to using other people's things.
I've supplied 95% of the kitchen things (the microwave, toaster, all the plates, dishes, pots, pans, etc.) and a few things in one of our living rooms (tv, xbox, ect.). I have no problem letting people use these things, but my roommates have been testing my limits.
In the living room downstairs another roommate has a TV for all of us to use, the others broke it and didn't tell her. They still wanted to watch/play video games there, so the decided it'd be a smart move to take MY TV downstairs to use rather than just using it upstairs. When I found out I was pissed. I kind of yelled at them and I'm not proud to have raised my voice.
And it's not just that case either, they have no regard for things that aren't their's. One of them has been caught using shower stuff that isn't theirs and both of them have been caught taking food or drinks without asking, and using things without cleaning them or putting them back where they belong. They have a history of not locking doors (the front and back), getting upset that we won't let them do certain things in the house (have parties), and other various things.
Now, I'd like to believe that I'm a good person, but they've broken me. I want to pack all the kitchen things up (except for a few things that I'd keep in my room for myself) and everything else that's mine in the living room and move it.
So, will I be the asshole?
Tl;dr I want to move my stuff that my roommates have been abusing out of our house and want to know if I'm in the wrong.
| HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
4U7RVsRvd5EjLMtCaUNquAQgRTOVVQWb | awj8po | {
"description": "selling my otium headphones for more than I bought them",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA If I sell my otium headphones for more than I bought them? | So I'm a bit of a shopaholic, I don't trust myself with my debit card so when I have it on me, my friends make sure I want to spend my money (saves hundreds).
Recently I lost my headphones and bought a replacement from Otium, I bought it from a small company for $9.00, the usual cost is around $20-30 and it took me about an hour to find this deal. Soon after that I saw a newer model for $21 on amazon, so I bought that too, I didn't think to cancel the other purchase.
I decided to post it on snap chat, along the lines of "selling my earbuds, water proof, noise cancelling, 7 hr battery" and got an offer. I was going to sell it for $15-20 but a friend offered $25.
It will arive in 5 days and a bit of my conscious is mad for charging him more than I bought it for. It's not easy to find the deal I did, so WIBTA for selling it for more than I paid? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 0
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
XQjOUCAvPmeCIU5URAYPnnV0EF3wMrXQ | avhhot | {
"description": "yelling at another student in my PE class",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
} | AITA for yelling at another student in my PE class | Ok so I am a sophomore in high school and about a week ago some new kid came into the class, when we were playing football and basketball the first day I chose him to be on my team to be nice. I'm not sure if he has anger problems or if hes just not all there. He gets EXTREMELY pissed off for no reason, the first day he started yelling and cussing and everyone on the other team and on my team for not scoring something, he would say something along the lines of " YOUR Fing CHEATING YOU F**GOTS!" and he just went on and just yelled different stuff. Eventually everyone just got sick of it and he would just continue to insult and threaten people and the entire class hates him. Skip to 2 weeks later (today) he was playing basketball 1v1 with someone and my friend and I asked if we could make it a 2v2, he was being ok at first he was still kind of being an asshole and a sore loser but nothing really serious. Anyways we started beating them really bad and he started the usual cussing,throwing a fit,threatening. I wasn't mad at this point but I was kind of passive aggressive like if he missed I would say " oh too bad, maybe you'll make it next time." To kind of piss him off and he was just yelling and threatening. At some point I said "Hey it's your ball, I hit it out of bounce" and I wasn't trying to be passive aggressive anymore of taunt him I was just similar telling him it's his ball. I was not expecting him to say "STFU BIT*H, ILL BEAT YOUR ASS." he said that to multiple people in his short time here and everyone hates him. I dont know why and i dont usually act like this but for some reason it infuriated me like i was shaking i was so pissed off i replied with "BEAT MY ASS, BEAT MY ASS RIGHT FU*KING NOW" I said it a few times while walking towards him and he said "Fu*king pu**y" and he walked off.
I feel like I instigated a little so that's why I'm not sure if I'm the asshole part of me feels like I did the right thing and the other part feels like a didn't
So you tell me | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | EVERYBODY | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 5
} | WRONG |
ddHPY9W9zccUt2Iyrq3M9y52UXxe1lAM | b6jko9 | {
"description": "asking my gf for money",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | WIBTA If I asked my gf for money? | I am 20F and she's 25F. She comes from a wealthy family who heavily supports ver even though she has a nice paying job. She helps her friends out with money a lot and has even offered to me even I needed it, but I refused. I really want to take a course but neither I or my family has the money for it, I want to ask her to give it to me (I can't pay back and is a something in between 50-70 dollars, which I know it's way less than the weekly allowance her dad gives to her). I'm not a gold digger or want to take advantage of her, but I really want to take this course and asking for it is the only way. Would I be the asshole if I asked her for it? | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
C1XBHNeOYFOj6GpR02GKMMkmMUMag793 | b66sgm | {
"description": "cutting a girl off who I liked but then she got into a relationship slwith another guy and made me and my friends awkward",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 12
} | AITA for cutting a girl off who I liked but then she got into a relationship slwith another guy and made me and my friends awkward? | Ok so basically my freshman year of college is just starting, and I've already found a group of friends I enjoy hanging out with. In this group there is one girl in particular (We'll call her "E") that I am interested in.
E and I are really good friends, and she tells me that she really wants to find a group of people that she can get close with. She also mentions how she's looking for a husband. I tell her that I'll be her friend.
As time goes on, E and I have more and more good conversations and I'm discovering that I have a love interest in her. I really like who she is as a person and think that her and I could be good partners.
More time passes and I'm certain now that I'm developing feelings. I go out of my way to do nice things for her and I take every opportunity to be with her, but it feels like it's one sided. I figure that she is just bad at expressing how she feels.
One night, her and I go to an activity (with other people) and we have a good time. I decide that I'm going to see if she would want to catch breakfast on Saturday, so I pop the question:
"Would you wanna go to breakfast this weekend to talk?"
Basically, I'm asking her out and am planning on telling her how I feel about her, but she doesn't know that.
She says that she doesn't want to go out this weekend but she isn't giving any reason why, so I keep pestering her. Eventually, I flip out and say that she's being ridiculous. I decide to distance myself from her for a little while.
Two weeks later, after letting that sink in, I decide to talk to her and apologize for acting immaturely. Also, I tell her that I was going to tell her that I really liked her, and that I wanted to take it to the next level. She says that she doesn't like me that way and that she wants to keep the friend group intact without making it awkward. Understandable. I am completely fine with this outcome.
A couple weeks after this, a new guy transfers onto campus and E is all over him. She finds him super attractive and wants to start something with him, so her and her friends start to introduce him to our friend group.
None of us really like him, and it seems like E is forcing us to be friends with him. I find him super sketchy, cause he's had a rough past and has girls all over him. Also, the fact that he just decides to pop into our friend group so quickly makes all of us wary.
Eventually, E and this guy get into a relationship. The group is annoyed and decides to distance themselves from E for a bit but I become angry. How is it fair that I spend so much time cultivating our friendship and then all of a sudden a super hot guy transfers onto campus and you want to be in a relationship with him? I find her actions extremely shallow and heartless. So I cut her off completely. I haven't talked to her in over a month.
My friends say that I am bitter and that I need to make an attitude adjustment. I think that she put the entire group in Jeopardy just because she wanted to be with this guy. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 12
} | WRONG |
NGDTpcKWCWIVz8lQiVvJ6tL09QHNIK2k | b2a6b0 | {
"description": "getting irritated at my friend for paying full price for someone else when she didn't for me",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for getting irritated at my friend for paying full price for someone else when she didn’t for me? | I do nails for a living and a couple times these friends have asked me to do their nails for them at my house. They’ve never asked me to do it for free but it’s pretty implied it was so they wouldn’t have to pay full price at the store. So I would carry all my supplies after working 12+ hours and do their nails until almost midnight. We’d do the awkward “it’s okay you don’t owe me anything”, “no let me give you what I have” back and forth but in the end I’d accept whatever they wanted to contribute. Which was $9 TOTAL for doing this 2 or 3 times. Then they’d say “I owe you dinner next time” and never reached out to honor it. I thought I was fine with it until she started coming to my store and requesting someone else to do her nails. So now she’s willing to pay full price $25-$35 plus tip to our other friend that she’s known for a year when she’s known me her whole life. And I know it’s not a matter of quality. She doesn’t even live near my store so she can go anywhere else. I am in no way possessive or expect everyone I know to support my business. But I think it’s fucked up that she would come to the very place I work at and show more support and respect for someone else’s time. If I didn’t already do it for practically free I wouldn’t care. I was cordial the first time she came in but by the second time I didn’t even want to look at her. Then I felt bad so I asked her how she was doing, but I was getting more heated just talking to her. Someone else said “maybe she wasn’t paying you a lot because she wasn’t working yet”. But I think that’s bull because she could afford expensive makeup and purses. And if that was really the case, why not return the favor when she did have the means if she kept saying she “owed me one”? Again, I wouldn’t care if she paid me nothing if she didn’t go on to pay someone for doing the Same (if not less) work. I just think it’s the principle of it. Now I learned my lesson and know the value of my work. It’s crazy that strangers are willing to pay full price for me but this friend did not..yet she will pay someone else. So that night I posted something about “true friends won’t ask for discounts because they support your time, business, and work”. AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
8A0kh7KSksNXrKhdTfX3Bpmb2nlO8CPO | 9z0fbo | {
"description": "pushing my sister after eating a small spoonful of pumpkin pie that wasn't ready",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for pushing my sister after eating a small spoonful of pumpkin pie that wasn't ready? | My mom made a pumpkin pie today. I ate a small spoonful out of the edge of the pan. I come downstairs later and my sister asks me if it was me who made the holes in the middle and edge of the pie. I told her that I had eaten out of the edge, but not the middle. She shook her head and started to ignore me, which made me really mad. I pointed at the pie and said I had eaten this part, but this other part was not from me, she continued ignoring me. I pushed her on her shoulder and she pushed me back (on the face) and said "Hands off." I feel terrible. AITA | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 2
} | WRONG |
P0pElsprMsNV0T3cANOXnUTweJ71zvYf | an2cmd | {
"description": "not turning in a group project",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA: For not turning in a group project | So a little lot of background. At this point in time I was moving between states (u.s.) with the new state I was moving to requiring a state test for each subject (only one test for a subject but it was spread out over three years). The school I recently went to had no such test so it's not like I was properly prepared. I had to take all the freshman tests (algebra and biology) which was a problem because the school I moved from didn't even teach biology until junior year (I was a freshman taking the junior level courses at my new school). So of course I failed the test (like super hard and they wouldn't exempt me from it or at least wait a year) so I had to take the remedial class for it! Yay!
The class was simple. It was just environmental science. Science might be my weakest subject but this class was the easiest class I was ever in.
The only problem with the class were the kids in it. Most of them had some ieps or we're just honestly stupid. The kids in this class were very annoying too. They acted like it wasn't worth their time and they were above it (most of them did drugs). The teacher was no charm either. So working with them was a pain.
The first group project comes around and we were forced to work with people around us (aka the people you sat with and seats were assigned) so boy oh boy. My group consisted of me, a girl I knew as a child who will be known as S (I lived in the area beforehand for like two years as a child), and this other girl who I swear couldn't tell the difference between a pen and pencil who will be known as L. The project was literally measure water and it's temperature and seeing if there was a difference between anything. I joke you not. That was it. The weird thing though is it was like 100 - 150 points. Homework was only like 20 - 25 so it was way more than double.
Note: (S had an IEP but that was for history and English and L was just stupid and didn't put effort into everything)
I couldn't get them to do anything. S wouldn't do anything other than sit on her phone snap chatting and texting her boyfriend. No matter what I told her she'd ignore me. L on the other hand was always on her school issued laptop (everyone had one and they sucked) on Skype chatting with her friends. When I told her to help she told me she didn't know what to do. It was measuring water and it's temperature. Not that hard. But I did give her the benefit of the doubt. I showed her what to do. Helped her do it. Then had her do it in front of me. Keep in mind this entire time she kept messaging her friends.
When I asked her to do her part of it (for a stupid project there were like five pages of shit to do) she told me she didn't know how and yada yada and kept refusing to do it saying "I don't know what to do". Taught her what to do. The teacher showed her what to do. Nothing.
So I go to my teacher (I already had everything done but still) and asked if I could switch to another group or do it by myself. His answer. "No. The groups are full and we don't have enough supplies." There were more empty groups then full groups and there was enough supplies (they had extra because we were working with glass and kids are stupid and drop glass). I asked if they'd get credit for the project even if they did nothing. And he told me that the everyone in the group would get the same grade.
So I didn't hand it in. It didn't really effect my grade considering I did the homework and classwork. But when the end of the marking period ruled around he came up to me and asked if I was going to turn it in. I asked if they were going to get credit for it. He said yes. He even went on to say how they'd benefit from it (aka they wouldn't be failing). So I outright said no. L had her friends corner me when I was leaving school and tried to force me into submitting it. Her friends were the really weird social outcasts that always smelt and not would talk about fucking Pokemon or something/one weird. In fact one even tried to stab and shoot up the school (in different years). I'm not popular in any way. My only friend was the longest time was my sister (I really didn't like the kids there) and I'm not even athletic so they probably thought if they teamed up on me they'd get me. I just laughed at them and walked away and reported it to the principal (who did something about the teacher but not the kids). S just called me a bitch more than once and made fun of the fact I stutter.
S eventually got pregnant and dropped out (all at the magical age of 15). I know a few of L's friends got arrested for threatening and attempting to shoot up and stab up the school. I passed the class with an A average.
This happened a few years ago and I recently told this story to a professor I train with and she called me essentially a bitch saying "I needed to give them a chance to pass yada yada it's my fault the one dropped out and the other got held back." I never felt bad for this. My mother even praised me saying while it wouldn't fly in a workplace I still did the right thing. Now I'm unsure if I did the right thing.
TDLR: group members wouldn't do work teacher wouldn't do anything. Group members called me names and threatened me for not turning in project that I did all the work for. School is shitty as always. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
ui7bpmcyi6TkoMB4L9rdbIB9pkXabn1X | afyh0w | {
"description": "meeting up with a girl from Tinder a month after my breakup",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for meeting up with a girl from Tinder a month after my breakup? | Hi
So my girlfriend and I split a month ago but we’re still good friends (although she very much still wants me) and I care about her greatly.
I recently got tinder and have been talking to a few girls, and am meeting up with one this week for more than just a drink.
AITA? I’ve been hiding the fact I’m talking to other people from my ex, and she’s made it very clear she doesn’t want me seeing anyone else or it’ll hurt her but it’s none of her business in my eyes | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 4
} | RIGHT |
reZd404PTib8fuFLCPjYreoCvt3YT15P | al7i3z | {
"description": "giving a group of woman a heads up to an icy sidewalk",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for giving a group of woman a heads up to an icy sidewalk? | Pretty simple exchange really. Was walking down main Street by myself and some fresh snow had just fallen. I nearly took a digger on some black ice 5 minutes before too. I was seeing a group of women exit a bar up ahead and as we were about to pass by each other I said "Be careful it's really icy." One woman kind of shot back with a tone, "YOU be careful." Did I miss something? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
sGePHEyg5LIfLTqgBqSA9cPWKtlBlffb | aqmh21 | {
"description": "blocking all my sisters devices from the internet since she refuse to give me my room back",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for blocking all my sisters devices from the internet since she refuse to give me my room back? | Tl;dr first: i let my sister borrow my room for three months at our parents house, she's being a pain in the ass about giving it back so I blocked all there devices on my router.
Ok so this started a couple months ago when my sister asked me is her and her now husband could borrow my room at our parents house for three months so they could save up for a house down payment. Since I have the biggest room in the house and, they had a lot of things with them, so I agreed expecting they'd honor the three months agreement.
I first realized that I had made a mistake when I reminded them a couple weeks before that the three months would be up and that I would like my room back by the end of it as agreed upon. They're are two more rooms in the house and they had gotten rid of some things so I didn't feel to bad about telling them.
Well my sister wasn't to happy about that so she went to my parents and told them that I wanted my room back and that she didn't want to go to a different one, my parents reminded her that it was my room at the end of the day and that I could do what I want with it.
Skip to about a month after the agreement was up and I got tired putting up with her Bs "I work and do school I don't have time" since every other day she's post pictures of her and her husband going out and eating and doing random things on there free time. Since I pay the internet bill and she gives me less then half of the bill I just told her to not worry about the bill or the internet anymore (Wich they both use for school and work) and blocked all there devices.
I feel bad but at the same time i honestly just got annoyed with her excuses
(Ps: if it helps for the story she's 19 and I'm 18)
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
A3UxzujY57yCCTSav4RjUq8BEGMrRyAv | al2770 | {
"description": "laughing at my girlfriend when she slipped on a banana peel",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 14
} | AITA for laughing at my girlfriend when she slipped on a banana peel | Sorry for any errors I’m on mobile.
For background, I live downtown in a crowded popular US city known for tourists.
So this just happened 20 minutes ago. We were walking from my apartment to go get some coffee on the most popular street in my city and as we’re walking and talking she suddenly falls to the ground.
I look back at what could’ve possibly knocked her over and of all things it’s a banana peel. I couldn’t help but immediately crack up because that’s so cartoony and I’ve never ever heard of someone actually slipping on a banana peel! Apparently I yelled out “OMG YOU JUST SLIPPED ON A BANANA!” And of course right after I asked if she was ok and she was fine and had no injuries.
But, she immediately dug her head into my chest and started crying even when I asked if she was ok. She told me I embarrassed her in front of all these people on the street. I didn’t mean to yell out like that and laugh it was just my first reaction to that. And I think if it happened to me then I could brush it off and see the humor in it.
We ended up walking back to my apartment and we didn’t get coffee. She grabbed her stuff and left and said that I didn’t care about her mental health because I didn’t see how that was so traumatic for her and embarrassing.
I really don’t know if I’m the asshole and I did apologize for laughing.
So Reddit, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 9,
"INFO": 3
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 14
} | RIGHT |
4nlUBWcAct4VWu69ICNLKf2Q6obsPUS7 | b3xy71 | {
"description": "setting my friend up on a prom date in front of his ex",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA For setting my friend up on a prom date in front of his ex | I have two friends both of whom needed prom dates the female, we will call Kay, said she would go with the male, who we will call Jay, if he wanted to go with her he has a history of not showing many emotions and she wanted to make sure he wouldn’t be going just to go he said he would go with her so I went to tell her what I didn’t realize is his ex, broke up a few months ago on good terms and mutual from my understanding, was within ear shot and as I excitedly told Kay the news his ex heard it and wasn’t to happy I realized this and dropped it we got on the bus to go back to school and I told a different friend the situation right as the ex got on the bus and heard me once again and we notice she seems upset she starts talking to her group of friends one of whom said they would fight us, Kay said I should apologize because it seemed like the ex thought I was doing this on purpose to torment ex but other friends say that I shouldn’t have to or that they wouldn’t because they understand it was an accident and people who know me know I’m not petty and don’t hold grudges. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
AaFkUnLksFe0hViazZmEVVOYoV0JwCqG | aiblyv | {
"description": "expecting the parents of an 11 y.o. kid who hurled directly and squarely on our couch to help clean/pay to clean it or pay into getting a new one",
"pronormative_score": 30,
"contranormative_score": 10
} | AITA for expecting the parents of an 11 y.o. kid who HURLED directly and squarely on our couch to help clean/pay to clean it or pay into getting a new one? (especially after he showed my 6yo Mia Khalifas porn!?) | First time posting, sorry it’s so long. I have a 6 yo son who was “friends” with these 2 brothers, ages 6 and almost 11. Theyre neighborhood kids and the 6 yo is in my sons class. We’ve had issues with the younger one several times so here’s some back story... Last summer He smacked our siding with a shovel and damaged it after us only having it 2 years. He also drew on said siding (which is white) with black sharpie. We took pix and showed the parents and they shrugged it off basically saying it wasn’t their kid even tho he WROTE HIS OWN FUCKING NAME. (Just an fyi: We moved to this very little town from the inner part of a biggish city about 3 years ago now. In the eyes of the people here we’re “alternative”. So the people around here can be pretty shitty. My husband is 6’4 n about 270 lbs very large framed with long hair with tattoos all over his body up to his chin. We are in the process of buying this, our first house, from my father in law. We’ve never ever had anything so nice so it’s a big fucking deal to us. Also It’s been def culture shock.... very different from where we’re used to. But that’s a whole other story.) Their kids are absolutely never in the wrong, even when it’s blindingly obvious. Which is clearly why they act the way they do and have no respect for other people’s things. And they so obviously think they’re better than us... they have 2 newer nice cars and for some reason think that’s like, SO important. Also last summer, the 6yo was here for a play date, but the mom decided that means I’m full on babysitting for the day and she took off without telling us so the kid couldn’t go home when we wanted him to. I called her probably a dozen times and it kept going to voicemail. I finally hunted down the dad and he had to literally track her down by her phone. It was insane. He tells me she’s hanging out with a friend and some dude in like, a sketchy ass parking lot or some shit. He came to pick up his kid finally after he’d been at our house for a fucking 10 hour “play date” and was apologetic but kept almost yelling at me about how I shouldn’t ever trust his wife because she’s “a lying whore”. Her husband said that to me. In front of their kid. So they haven’t really hung out since all this.
And now to what’s going on currently...so the 2 kids came back into our lives the other day. Wanting to give them another chance because my son liked the older kid so much(and we always thought he was a polite genuine good kid who helped keep his lil bro in check), we let them come and hang out. Ended up being an ok day and so they wanted to have a sleep over the next night. We said ok and they came back the next day. The mom asks if she should bring snacks, normally we’d say no but the 6 yo is constantly rummaging around the kitchen looking for snacks so we told her yes please. Well, never brought em or threw down for ordering dinner. Ok fine I can move on from that. Then the 6yo finds a paint scraper and starts trying to scrape walls all over the house. I told him stop 3x and eventually had to just take it out of his hands. Am I crazy for thinking an almost 7yo kid would know not to do that!? And having to repeat myself like that to someone else’s kid to the point I’m yelling doesn’t feel right. Ok...Things are getting tense. They’ve been over since about noon and it’s now 8 at night. Why anyone would just send their kids over to a sleep over that early in the fucking day without contacting the parents first to find out a time and then just let them hang out all goddamn day, I’ll never understand. So finally at midnight the 3 boys are hunkered down in sleeping bags and the 2 little ones are asleep. The 11 year old is awake still and asks for some water because he has an upset stomach. I get him some and ask if he wants to sleep on the couch instead. He does. So hes wide awake sitting on the couch and we’re just talking a little and I’m asking how he’s feeling and he without even attempting to move or get up, turns his head and projectile vomits directly on our couch. It was So. Much. Puke. So my husband calls kids mom and she comes over to pick both kids up at around 1am. She comes in and kind of apologizes, then says he gets an upset stomach sometimes from certain things he eats... that’s pretty pertinent information to share with other parents who are caring for your kids, dont ya think? I could’ve completely avoided that had I fucking known. So she finally takes the kids and leaves. Then I wake up the next morning and my son asks if I could set up his tablet and I get on it and there is so much fucking porn searched into google image search... Mia Khalifa xxx. And also another porn site open and yet another porn video site called xxxyvideos.com open and playing. I totally lost my shit. My son said it was the 11 yo. I obviously totally believe that because these 6 yo kids do not have any idea how to do that. They wouldn’t put any of that together. They’re 6 going on 7. We also had another kid over who’s a friend of theirs and is 9, who spent the majority of the evening hanging out too but didn’t sleep over. So I immediately contact his parents who I’m cool with to let them know what’s up before I confront the brothers mom. His immediate reply was, it was the 11 yo and he was showing it to everyone. I remember something from that evening, the boys came and said he was doing something inappropriate and when we came to investigate, no one would tell us what it was so we thought it was just inappropriate language or something and just took the tablet and left it until the morning. What a shock to see close up penetration pix on your 6 year olds tablet, let me tell you. It’s obviously normal for kids to be curious, but this just barely 11 yo boy looked up “pussy” and specifically Mia Khalifa! So I take some time to calm down and compose a very level headed and probably too polite message to her saying what happened. And she immediately deflects and tells me all the things my kid did to her kid...(none of it was even valid or comes close to the porn shit. They’re kids... they wrestle and play fight. But after last night it’s apparent the 6year olds don’t get along and I found myself apologizing for my son and his behavior which fucks me up So bad!) and she actually wrote to me in all seriousness, “I KNOW when my kids lie and tell the truth and he’s telling the truth that he didn’t search that”. Wow. Because every little boy who gets caught watching porn is totally going to admit it, especially to their mom. And I’m pretty sure the way she went about it with her kid was the total wrong way... See what I mean about how their kids do nothing wrong!? She also goes right to blaming the 9yo and also insinuates that it could be my fucking 6yo!?!? Seriously!? A 6 year old!!! So I wrote back a message just completely ending it by telling her the searches have date and time stamps on them and my husband saw your kid with the tablet at that time and he was literally the only one on it pretty much all night, especially who was being tattled on for looking at inappropriate stuff. And I told her I know all she’s going to do is deflect and I don’t want to go round and round so let’s just leave it at your kids are never allowed here again. Don’t get a message back because I don’t think there was any way to reply without sounding hella petty.
But here I am a full day later, still stewing because, she never even offered to come help clean up her kids vomit, like didn’t even give an inkling that she wanted to try and make anything right. It’s soaked thru to the fucking core. I’ll never fully get the smell out. And after all the shit they’ve trashed in our house, I legit want... something. I know it was an accident on his part, I don’t blame him. (Even tho he’s 11 and was totally fine until the second and didn’t even try to like, not puke on our fucking couch.) But like I said she never ever lifted a finger to try to help me clean up or to write to apologize the next day or anything. I personally can’t imagine doing that. So, am I the asshole for wanting her to pay for the professional cleaning of our couch after her kid puked on it? If she wasn’t so fucking dismissive it wouldn’t be so bad and I’d manage but I’m fuming mad about her insane entitlement. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 29,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 30,
"WRONG": 10
} | RIGHT |
5tOyTLVvNldbTa53ZTO6UmIGWTAvRRC0 | ap1wkc | {
"description": "breaking up with BF after he wouldn't clean up his own vomit",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 39
} | AITA for breaking up with BF after he wouldn't clean up his own vomit? | There was this night we had studied together at his place and I stayed the night. It was rather uncomfortable from the get-go because he was saying he wasn't feeling well, but he didn't have a fever and didn't think it was serious. Anyway he was very agitated in bed.
I had finally fallen asleep, when I woke up and found the lights on, and my BF kneeling in front of a puddle of vomit on his carpet. I ask what's going on and he says like "sorry, do you think you can help me clean? Keep falling down" He was speaking weird like speaking was annoying him. I told him he couldn't make me clean after his own mess and he was cryptic and I think now he said something like he thought he was allowed to ask but he wasn't making demands.
Anyway he's just staying there doing nothing and I start telling him the smell is horrible. He tells me to take the blankets and go sleep on the couch. I tell him he should just ckean it up he says like "sorry can't clean". I leave the room to go for the couch and I just see him lie down on the carpet next to the puddle and I ask what he's doing. He says like "can't get up. Need sleep".
Next morning I find him asleep there on the ground. The smell is horrible. I wake him up and tell him he must take care of it now. He says he will but he is barely moving and is also not getting ready. (He has to be at work in an hour). I had to leave for school. At the lunch pause I had given it enough thoughts that that experience had been disgusting and he was trying to get me to clean it up as he wasn't touching it. So I texted him to tell him I didn't want to date someone with that flaw of character and I was breaking up with him. He responded that he understood and thanking me for the good times.
Since then our friends have been texting me nonstop that I'm the worst partner in the world if I will not help someone who has a stomach flu.
I've asked my brother and my dad to go fetch my thing I left at his place but he refused to let them in. My friends say I'm terrible for that too because I didn't tell him they would come, and he couldn't have boxed my stuff and it's normal he wouldn't want to invite them in his place so they can just grab my things themselves. He says he would have given them my tablet but he couldn't because they'd force themselves in if he did.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 39,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 39
} | WRONG |
oZyvnaMJIGBKYgpUm7tasUb0tZ2w5r3e | ahui19 | {
"description": "going to a different girl",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for going to a different girl? | I'm on mobile so sorry for formatting issues.
I'm 14 and in 9th grade now, but this happened about a year ago in the 8th grade. Not too long of a story but I'm getting hate for this again and I dont know if I'm the asshole or not.
I was in 8th grade, really liked this girl and all that. My friend was over at my house, just me and him. We decided to play rock paper scissors and the loser would have to text his crush that they liked her. Of course, I lost... I text her and turns out she likes me too. Shocker. Let's call her Girl A
We had been "talking" (both like each other, just kinda like a step before dating) for a couple months and she had told me she loved me the night before, so I thought I was doing pretty good. Next day, I ask her out. She says no. I'm confused af and dont know what to do. She starts liking another guy, then about 2 weeks later she begs for me to come to a school dance with her (really just a place to hang out, no real dancing or anythin). I go, she seems sad the whole time. I text her after and ask her what the problem was, and she said she "REAAAALLLLLLYYYY" liked me and it was upsetting her that I wasnt talking to her anymore. I tell her I still liked her, and we start talking again.
Christmas break comes around, and I feel like were doing fine. Then she doesnt text me for a while and I text her a couple days before Christmas. She completly shuts me down and stops texting me. She doesnt text me to apologize, anything like that, for a few days. I'm also going through some family stuff as of then, but I won't get into that. So I'm really sad about all that's going on, and some other girl texts me, we'll say Girl B. So Girl B tells me that she is into me and all, I barely know her but she is helping me not be so sad. I havent heard from Girl A for a while so I say fk it and go for Girl B. Now we start dating.
I get back to school after and my whole friend group hates me (Girl A is in this group, girl B Is not). I'm so confused, as I thought Girl A stopped liking me, but apparently she still had feelings for me and I guess I was just missing it. Girl B and I split after about a month, because she cheated. A couple months later, I run into Girl A in the hallway and she hugs me and tells me she is sorry. She walks away without saying anything else.
Okay I know this is cringey as hell but I really need to know if I'm the asshole or not. Ofc this is biased, like 99% of the posts here, but I gave it my best to make it fair.
Let me know if you need more info. I'd also love someone to talk to right now.
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
zn61OurdN0hV5tTq1Ig008EjhJDLbPQS | ag6ugu | {
"description": "telling a girl I've been talking with to lose my contact",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for telling a girl I've been talking with to lose my contact? | AITA here? I've been talking with this girl for about a month and a half. I find it difficult to find people both physically and emotionally attractive but it clicked for her. The last few weeks she's been really distant so I asked her "hey are you still interested, or is it time for me to move on? I'm not gonna be upset if it is." She told me she was still very interested and had just been really busy with work so I accepted it. She's blown me off twice before this pretty majorly since we started talking by way of rain-checking last minute on a nice dinner, then doing the same on the reschedule for "family reasons." I figured "Hey NBD, it's not my place to get involved in her family matters especially if we aren't exclusive." She also randomly has called me in the middle of the night a few times incredibly depressed and me trying to show I'm boyfriend material stayed up with her and consoled her. So yesterday she was having a bad day so I told her to tell me about it and she responds "well I'm super drunk and I spent the day trying to get my ex back and found out he's dating someone new." I asked her if that was why she'd been so distant lately and she confirmed. I was calm about it at first but angry a few hours later and just told her "stop playing games with me and fuck off. I'm sick of putting so much effort into you and you only putting it back in when it's convenient for you. I'm not your rebound or your toy whenever you feel like it. You've been stringing me along because telling someone you're interested in them while you actively pursue your ex is bullshit, especially if you aren't up front about it. You don't have to reciprocate the feelings but at least be fucking honest." her friends have been blowing up my phone all day saying what I did was uncalled for and that I'm a real asshole but I feel like I needed to stand up for myself sooner or later. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 17,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
1erPmKNY9rDT2ZJIJaOhJHjYJLEJYCiK | acsj9q | {
"description": "being upset that I didn't get any dancing feedback until now",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for being upset that I didn't get any dancing feedback until now? | I (23F) dance West Coast Swing. I started dancing in September on 2018. It's my favorite social hobby. I want to continually improve in both following and leading; I accept any and all feedback at all times; no feedback for me is unsolicited. Today, my instructors had a dance gathering at their house, and about two hours in I asked one of them for feedback in my dancing (because she knows my dancing far better than I do). I have a competition coming up the weekend after the next, so I want to improve as much as possible before then. She pointed out that I tend to take ginormous steps and bend my legs (she said this in a much nicer way, of course). I am very happy that I was made aware of this; however, I wish that someone had said something earlier because bad habits are much harder to break over time... I'm more of a social dancer, and my first ever private lesson is during the competition weekend, so I understand that in socials people tend to focus more on their own dancing and having fun rather than their partner's dancing. Also, SOP is usually "no teaching on the dance floor," but in order for me to improve, I need to be aware of all of my mistakes... AITA for wishing that someone had said something earlier? Is my head up my butt? Am I basically asking people to think less of themselves and more of me? The world doesn't revolve around me; I wouldn't want anyone to have to bend over backwards to help me with my dancing, but maybe just a few tips or points to make me aware of some things that I can't see in my own dancing (coming from a third-person point of view, impossible to see from a first-person point of view)...... | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Y3NpBTG3fO9GxZDuj6wSzqvy3pZ8QsRI | arfar2 | {
"description": "not going too my cousin's funeral",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not going too my cousin's funeral? | My cousin killed himself a year or so ago. I didn't go to his funeral because I couldn't do it. Death makes me super weird...one moment I'm laughing then crying I know weird. I just didn't want too make it worse.
I wasn't really worried about this untill a kid said "You should have been there for family." At the time I was 13.
So AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
xNmXnGuLBKYxmlvaPM2B0Bm1Ag540ZUD | b6qek7 | {
"description": "banning someone with Asperger's from my group",
"pronormative_score": 22,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for banning someone with Asperger’s from my group? | I run a weekly group for people with, or have experienced, anxiety.
Two months ago a guy joined. He seemed friendly enough but suspected he had a learning disability.
One of my regulars told me that he had been messaging her and that it was strange. I saw the texts he sent her; kinda weird, not dirty or explicit, more like a very socially awkward attempt at flirting. She didn’t seem very upset about it but was slightly uncomfortable.
Then I remembered he would always ask about where female members were if they didn’t attend but never the men.
During next meeting I clearly reiterate the rules like keep it platonic, not dating group etc and thought he would get the message.
So, a new woman joined the group and was also present for this. I don’t know much about her but I did hear her ask the guy to meet up some time near the end of the meeting.
A couple of days later I get many messages from her saying the guy has been texting her a lot saying how attracted he is to her. Also, when they did meet up she went into some shop, told him to wait outside, he walked off. She seems pretty angry at him but that’s all I know and haven’t seen any messages he sent to her.
By now I had to make a decision, 2 women were complaining about his messages and feeling uncomfortable despite me reiterating the rules. I decided to ban him and message him why.
Next thing I know hi and family are texting me saying how horrible I am and should accept his behaviour as he is a good person and had Asperger’s. Tell them I get it but I have others to consider others and he is aggravating their own issues. Also, it’s a group for anxiety not specific learning difficulties.
His family kept trying to join the group so up a secret new location and told members privately.
Secret meeting goes ahead but somehow the guy shows up. Don’t know how this happened but my guess is the second woman, who didn’t show up, told him.
I ask him to leave, he is really apologetic and says he walked off from the meeting with the second woman because she was being weird with him.
I feel bad but he knew the rules and broke them. Unsure if it’s all his fault or not but I decided it’s best not to take the chance. AITA?
TLDR: guy with Asperger’s joins
group, sends flirty texts, I ban him, his family get angry, he shows up to a secret meeting, I tell him he’s still banned. AITA | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 21,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 22,
"WRONG": 1
} | RIGHT |
lW6QmQy8PKQeUq2861B40dpyg0gQNLkQ | aiqvbj | {
"description": "insinuating that a guy might be a rapist in the future",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for insinuating that a guy might be a rapist in the future | I've done some stupid things in the past and because of that I'm known as a slut to this specific groups of guys at my school. Guys ask me for nudes and it's ruined some pretty good friendships because of the guys being too horny to see me as a person and me realizing too late why they hung around me.
So when a guy I knew for all of the first semester and thought was funny and cool asked me for pictures of my tits like I was just passing them out I got pissed off. He was being so persistent than I said "no means no" and I think he got the hint and backed off. I was still fuming though so I sent him "just a word of advice, if you're this persistent with girls in the future you might get yourself in some trouble, he responded k and we haven't texted since.
I know he was probably only asking because of the stupid shit I mentioned at the beginning and he backed off as soon as I mentioned that he was being too persistent, but was my continued insinuation of rape after that an assholish thing? Even if I was angry when I did it. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
MrK8LqWEg4ivEm8LOyjf5oKSeY3PaJkl | 9wjcxn | {
"description": "tossing my cigarette butt wherever I feel like it",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 149
} | AITA for tossing my cigarette butt wherever I feel like it? | I was driving my vehicle, stopped at a stoplight, finishing up a cigarette. I dropped the butt out the window when I finished the cig. Light turns green and I proceed to my destination which was close by. As I'm exiting my vehicle a person approached me and asked if I could properly dispose of my cigarette next time. I felt ambushed as I didn't know who this person was or why they were bothering me.
I expressed that I was not about to return to the stoplight to retrieve the butt that I dropped, and pointed out the many cigarette butts visible in the parking lot we were standing in. This person reiterate their request - "Going forward, I would appreciate it if you would properly dispose of your cigarette butts."
I didn't appreciate the confrontation, but now I am wondering if IATA. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 149,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 149
} | WRONG |
BmMS5XGKU0XkkxONCSUB2lw5LJwRbeuB | aa63ke | {
"description": "asking my bf to delete old pictures off his facebook",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I asked my bf to delete old pictures off his facebook? | I have been with my boyfriend who I met online for roughly a year and a half or so now, and for numerous reasons my parents have not been made aware. I think they are suspicious due to offhand remarks they've made, but I don't think they've cared enough to actually ask. My bf and I are long-distance, and in the next month I will be telling my parents about my relationship with him and proposing that they come with me to meet him for the first time so they feel more comfortable and involved in our relationship.
​
Now, my boyfriend has a facebook account. I do not, but I've seen his account of course. It's mostly posts that are years old from his early teens (I'm 18, he's a few years older), other than a single recent post -- a picture of his motorcycle. However, among his old posts are a few pictures of girls asses, pictures he took with girls in clubs, etc. It hasn't bothered me, as it's old and he's beyond that now, but I know my facebook savy mother will immediately look his page up and be turned off by this. My older brother did exactly that, and berated me for weeks about how people don't change and I shouldn't be with someone who would post stuff like that, yada yada. Of course my family and I have very different opinions on most things.
​
To avoid that drama, and due to the fact that they're old photos and irrelevant now, WIBTA if I seriously asked my boyfriend to delete his old posts of that nature on FB? Not everything, just the pictures of half-naked girls or him posing with girls at clubs and what not. I half-jokingly suggested the idea in passing after my brother blew up about the whole issue, and my boyfriend only shrugged it off as not a problem and that it wasn't important enough to bother with, and I didn't push the issue because at the time it really wasn't important enough. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
hH6fz08DWXNnSwiKxznVJnLRJQDTTF2w | a70vjk | {
"description": "not giving a co-worker a ride",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not giving a co-worker a ride? | So, a co-worker always needs a ride, and since it's over a very busy 8 lanes of traffic (US 19 in Florida) I always use to oblige bc I felt bad for her. Then I recently found out that she has a SUV, they pay $900 a month for. And her husband won't let her drive it. Also, he's there he just can't be bothered to take the kids out of bed to pick her up. Am I the asshole for being like? Wtf, I pay $150 a month for a moderate car for a reason.....Anyway, is it a dick move to say, no wtf? It's like super close, but bc I have to cross a busy road it takes me an extra 20 minutes. | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
cLLTM1b8HUV0L2kpEfxgG3vzcEBag3cg | agbr2b | {
"description": "yelling back at a stranger who upset my gf",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for yelling back at a stranger who upset my GF? | Long time lurker, first time poster... this has been bugging me for a few days so I figured I'd share and see what you guys think,
​
Important background: my (27F) girlfriend (28F) has autism - she's high functioning, but she spends a huge amount of mental energy constantly worrying about how she acts/reacts around other people, especially strangers, and freaks out massively if she thinks she's accidentally done or said something "wrong" or rude.
A few days ago we go to a pet supply store so she can pick up a few things she needs for her fish tank. When we get to the tills there's one customer being served at till #1 and a middle-aged woman and her presumed husband standing in front of till #2. There's no cashier at that till, but the way they're standing and positioned makes it look like they're probably being served and their cashier has just gone to check something/collect an item they've had ordered in (happens a lot at this particular store due to them stocking a lot of bulky items, so it's not an unlikely scenario). We queue in the usual spot, standing away from the tills. After a minute or so another cashier arrives and, apparently reaching the same conclusion I did, jumps onto till #3 and calls us forward. The woman at till #2 doesn't move or react in any way at this point as far as I can tell. Girlfriend carries out her transaction (takes less than a minute), and as she's finishing up the woman from till #2 suddenly starts yelling at the cashier. Apparently she wasn't being served after all and she's pissed my GF got served first. It's understandable she's annoyed, and the cashier probably should've verbally checked she was being served (to be honest I wasn't paying particularly close attention at that point, so maybe she did), but it was clearly an honest mistake. While the cashier is apologising, the woman turns her attention to me and my GF and starts chewing us out for apparently deliberately jumping the queue. She's way out of line, but I've worked a fair few service jobs in my time and recognise she's just your standard asshole customer, so I give the cashier a sympathetic look and decide to ignore her. My GF on the other hand panics and frantically tries to explain herself while repeatedly apologising. I tell her to ignore it and let the staff deal with the woman, and whisk her out of the store because I know what's coming - by this point she's in full melt-down mode, in floods of tears and unable to speak, convinced she's committed some massive social faux pas. Angry woman is still making a huge scene and yelling at the staff, and on the way past I say something sarcastic along the lines of "good job, way to yell at a total stranger in public". She rolls her eyes but at that point she's focused on the two cashiers.
​
Once we get out of the store I'm obviously focusing on my GF and trying to calm her down (this happens from time to time, so we have a whole protocol worked out). As I'm holding my GF, I see Angry Woman sneering and staring at us as she heads for the door. I'm absolutely furious with her at this point, like full on shaking with rage, and call her a fucking selfish bitch. She looks like she's about to respond but her husband (who's been silent the whole time and seems pretty embarrassed by the whole thing) drags her off into the store next door. Honestly, my instinct at that point is to follow her and give her a piece of my mind, but obviously I don't do that. My GF, who was too deep in her meltdown to even notice the exchange between me and Angry Woman, actually handled the situation pretty well and was mostly back to normal within the hour, although she's convinced it was all her fault for days afterwards despite my reassurances.
To be clear, I am in absolutely no doubt that Angry Woman was a massive asshole. What I'm less sure of is whether I was \*also\* an asshole for yelling back and swearing at her. It's totally different from how I'd ever usually act, but I was absolutely furious for what she'd done to my GF, plus if I'm honest there was probably an element of catharsis at not having to act the perfect customer service role for once after years of shitty retail jobs while I was in grad school. That said, there's obviously no way she could have known my GF would react in such an extreme way, plus I have no way of knowing what might have been going on in her life to allow her to justify her behaviour to herself the way I'm doing to myself.
So, AITA for not sticking to the moral highground and biting my tongue? | HISTORICAL | {
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XiQZbsRsCNxhxwmWrsZ4ojlH23DKcVuo | a1l7fq | {
"description": "not being excited about the surprise christma tree",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not being excited about the surprise Christma tree | I moved in with my partner, from another continent after a while being long distance, just before last Christmas. For this reason we didn't get a tree last year and I was looking forward to get one this year. In my family home we never decorated for Christmas because my parents never cared, so I never really had the chance to put a tree together.
We were looking into getting a tree online but were unsure about the height. So we agreed in going together into town this weekend to pick one and some decoration together.
Tonight my partner calls me asking if I saw his messages on whatsapp. When I open is a photo of a Christmas tree already put up. He said he wanted to surprise me. But he can't keep secrets so he just whatsapped it.
I reacted very not excited and was like "can't believe you put it up alone. I was really looking forward to it". He sent a few sad emojis and I felt pressured into saying i liked it. But i felt upset of not being at properly surprised by seeing when i got home at least. And for being robbed of putting up the first tree of my home.
Am I the asshole for not being happy and grateful for the surprise? | HISTORICAL | {
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yoqbrSnQTjiYoPKkUn5H7lDaE5VJNgUe | aofnfk | {
"description": "not understanding why my boyfriend is upset",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not understanding why my boyfriend is upset? | Last night we got into a fight about chores, same old shit but waking up this morning we were okay.
This morning, I woke up with a pain in my ring finger joint on my right (dominant) hand. I sometimes do get joint pain in this hand but not the fingers, so I tell my boyfriend who was getting ready for work. He stops what he's doing and takes my hand and motions like he's going to pull my joint (while saying "Okay now I'm going to pull your finger and...") so I yank my hand away because this is something he knows I don't like, and something I think might hurt my hand as he isn't a doctor.
He got really pissed and took this personally. Angry for the rest of the morning and left without saying goodbye and I love you etc. He said he was angry because I "cut him off and didn't let him finish speaking" by yanking my hand away and "not trusting him". I told him it wasn't personal and that I wouldn't trust anyone but a doctor with my hand- he didn't care and remained pissed off.
I don't really understand why he's upset or if what I did was wrong. I don't think other people are supposed to control what happens to my body, and I think it's okay to say no and pull when I don't want something done to me.
Am I lacking perspective? AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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r43bnZPofv3yChT8y8paXtwdIEoDuqT7 | ain3rp | {
"description": "getting mwd at my friends",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | AITA for getting mwd at my friends? | There is a big party in a city about an hour's drive away from where I live. My friends also live near me. It's a girls birthday party, and she only invited a few of my friend group. I didn't think it was overly fair and only 2 people confirmed they were going. So I told the girl who's party it was that I couldn't attend and now, 2 days after me telling her, I found out that the girl invited the others and they all accepted without telling me. I got mad because I didn't go mostly due to the fact they weren't going/invited. AITH? | HISTORICAL | {
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kN7J46Ni9tJNLebUPzstlM5wwEjuE9Gv | 9y9j0a | null | AITA for a trade | So o spoke to this guy about trading my vr headset ,camera, 2 motion remotes , doom and skyrim for a ps4 for his switch with 2 games, I tell him I'll be there in an hour cause I live far from him. After i get there and I show him the stuff and alls good I leave , then 5 min later I get a message asking where the ps4 is I tell him there is jo console and hew asking for it back I'm already 15min out To my hour drive home. Am I the asshole for wanting to keep driving or should I return it | HISTORICAL | {
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igMgG6RjOEDK7kQZuuKvVZ4ebMZcv5y8 | agbm5g | {
"description": "not wanting to talk to my mum",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to talk to my mum? (Read it to understand) | Ok
Just from that title you think that I am definitely an asshole but hear me out.
I am under the age of 18 and my parents are going through a very messy divorce. My mother was always slightly abusive to first my dad then my brother. My brother and I were brought into court to talk about who we want to live with (brother is 18). In court I said firmly that I wanted to live with my Dad
When the judge told my parents my mum began to act betrayed by my words. Whenever I shared my views she would call me screwed, slanted and down right autistic. At that point I stopped spending alot of time with her. She worked hard to undo the order my dad had placed that allowed me to leave her house and go home alone if I felt endangered and now my dad has to leave his own house 3 days a week for her to come visit. I finally put my foot down and decided I wouldn't talk. She started crying and telling me that I was so abusive and she was hurt deeply.
TLDR am I an asshole for not wanting to talk to my mother who in the past 4 months I haven't had a single conversation with in which she didn't insult me? | HISTORICAL | {
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Ux9EBSixAwRYrx3glmGqLKjVRQ8HfVZ8 | azpaez | {
"description": "ending a close friendship",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA for ending a close friendship? | i’m a teenage girl in high school and i’ve been best friends with a guy since the beginning of middle school (6 years ago) for a really long time, our friendship was great, we bonded over comics and art, but i don’t think i can be friends with him anymore. he has a habit of making jokes about me being stupid and i’ve asked him to stop multiple times, but he won’t. in general, he’s spoken down to me our entire friendship. he tends to explain things to me that i didn’t ask for any explanation for and we’re in the same placement for our classes but he acts like he’s superior to me. i’m not self conscious about my smarts, but i’m tired of being the butt of all his jokes. the last time we hung out, he made a joke about me being an idiot in front of people that were kinda important and it embarrassed me. afterwards, i tried to talk to him about how uncomfortable that made me and he just laughed it off. over the past year or so especially, i feel like he’s become really arrogant and insensitive to the feelings of those around him. i know that he didn’t do any one thing worthy of ending our friendship and it would be difficult to explain but wibta if i just stopped hanging out with him? i’d be kind to him at school and at whatever social events we end up at together but i wouldn’t make plans with him all the time anymore. i wouldn’t ghost him, id just stop initiating stuff all the time. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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cJmvSXmFEP3vyK3BRAj28il7rPu0xYtt | apmcin | {
"description": "being to talk to my supervisor about a colleague's bad behavior after talking to him about it",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
} | WIBTA if I were to talk to my supervisor about a colleague's bad behavior after talking to him about it | Context: I'm a Level 1 tech working in a IT Helpdesk dedicated to our company as well as a few external clients; I'm fairly new as I've only been working there for about 5 months.
One of my colleagues, who shall be known as Steve for the point of censoring, has been working for about 2 months, doing exactly the same job as mine and sitting right next to me in an open office. We have the same manager, who's taking care of about half of the helpdesk's techs. I like him, I really do, but he's having a nasty habit, and I want him to at least be warned of the said nasty habit rather than getting fired.
Anyway, I've noticed about two weeks ago that sometimes (about once per two days), he's having a hard time dealing with our users (which I don't blame him for), he mutes his phone and says rude comments such as "Shut up", "I don't care" or just a plain old "Fuck you".
Now, since I do exactly the same job as his, I get the frustration I might have. I gave him my own trick when this happens (albeit it's much more rarely since I'm fairly patient): to use my hands and do a soundless strangling gesture; I also advised him about how another of our techs has a stress ball for this exact reason.
Anyway, I also warned him that our calls are recorded, and that he could be in huge trouble if he would either forget to mute himself or if someone from our QA program were to get ahold of a phone call where he'd be doing this; huge trouble as in one from QA, or even worse, external clients/employees could report this to higher management than our manager.
Speaking of our manager, he's pretty understanding and got our backs; I'm almost certain that he'd let it go this time since he's fairly forgiving and due to the fact that it's pretty hard to get fired here.
Obviously, I'd ideally not want to go through our manager, but after telling him more than 5 times, I believe he needs a firmer warning before it gets in higher management.
So, redditors, WIBTA if, despite my best efforts, I were to report my coworker's occasionnal rude behavior with the goal in mind that he stops before he gets fired for it?
TL;DR: Coworker's rude towards our clients, and his job is half customer service; I want him to be warned rather than fired, and my own warnings wouldn't go through. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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5951GUQLmOUOfs1o76fqCaGwfZ596eOZ | avivsg | {
"description": "refusing to clean up after my disgusting housemates",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for refusing to clean up after my disgusting housemates? | So I'm a university student who has been sharing a house with four other people since last September.
​
​
​
The only communal space in the house is the kitchen. It's only a small space but so long as anyone has friends over, that's where they chill out. Most weekends I'll make the short journey back to my family home so that I can have a break from university life. My problem starts when I return.
​
​
​
Every Sunday evening without fail I'll get back to the house to find the kitchen has been turned upside down. We're talking food splashed on the worktops, oil splatters on the stove, bowls/pots full of food left laying around. The sink's plughole is usually blocked with pieces of food too. People have a tendency to use my crockery, as if they know there's a chance I'll clean up purely because it's my plate/cup/tray that's been left dirty. This irritates me.
​
​
​
I was away from the house for a week a few months back and we'd received an email informing us that some students would be coming to view the house for the next academic year. A few days later we received another email saying that the kitchen had been in such poor condition when the landlord arrived that he'd had to clean it just before the students got there, and that if it was left in that state again we'd have deposit money deducted. I understand that the kitchen is a communal space, but I was annoyed by the fact that whichever housemates had been in the house and had left it looking messy hadn't taken it upon themselves to clean it prior to the viewing. It's so disrespectful and speaks volumes when it comes to the standards these people have set for themselves and their living conditions. I have never, EVER lived in a place where the residents think it's okay to treat communal spaces like this, and I spent two years living in on-campus student halls.
​
​
​
Despite myself and another housemate (the one I knew before moving in) taking it upon ourselves to deep clean the kitchen and have an intervention with the other residents, nothing seems to be changing. I'm still coming home to a filthy kitchen, and in all honesty I don't have the time or the energy to clean the place from top to bottom; I've got work to do and classes to attend, and I really don't understand why these people can't just clean up after themselves. Not only this, but I feel that if I clean up other people's messes they'll just continue to make them, because someone else will deal with me being a slob, right? With that in mind, whenever I now walk into the kitchen and see dirty stuff everywhere, I walk back out again. This is what makes me concerned that I'm being the asshole. Should I just be taking one for the team and cleaning up regardless of who made the mess? Or am I right to be standing my ground and letting others take responsibility for being filthy? I really don't know you guys. :/ | HISTORICAL | {
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G0qCVS1xo7iIOpmMWOzD1kkAFW6J0vC7 | b6xxf7 | {
"description": "telling friends and family they couldn't sleep over after drinking at my house",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | WIBTA if I told friends and family they couldn’t sleep over after drinking at my house? | My fiancé and I host a lot of dinners and parties. We love hosting, it’s a hobby we share together. Our parties are pretty standard. Lots of food and alcohol, games and conversation and sports. My closest friends don’t live in our city, they are my childhood friends and most live about an hour away. I love them and I invite them to everything we do. Same goes for my family who live in the same small city my childhood friends live in. Here’s the thing, every time we have a party, at least 1-2 people understandably want to stay over in our guest bedrooms.
I am sick of having people stay over. I want our out of town guests to leave when everyone else leaves. Of course I don’t want people to drink and drive, and I love my friends and family, but at the end of a long night I want them to get out of my house, and I definitely don’t want to run into anyone in the morning and have to deal with varying degrees of people hanging out for too long before I have to literally and awkwardly kick them out.
We just started a monthly wine club where there will be a fair amount of drinking, and these friends and family are participating. My question is, would I be the asshole if I declined their requests to sleep over after these wine club meetings? It would basically mean they couldn’t really participate, or they’d need to get a hotel, but I don’t want to open the can of worms of having people sleep over once a month. I’m having a hard time figuring out if saying no would be setting a boundary or being a jerk. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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I4hGKhQrKPkt2xiLf6I1hJgvz66t8GhZ | avymls | {
"description": "seeking comfort from gay men",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 9
} | AITA for seeking comfort from gay men? | I'm a decent looking guy but, as most guys I've spoken to seem to also experience, have exceptional trouble with online dating. Girls want to take things slow, mysterious, play games, idk. I love women, I really do but it gets very frustrating when my friends advice is: "Take it slow but not too slow, overt but not too much so." My depression is also pretty bad that I often don't leave the house much + I work from home and work long hours.
​
It's also been 9 ish months since my ex and I of 2.5 years broke up and I still feel pretty fucked up over it. I crave the comfort I felt with her and still miss her everyday thinking about all the mistakes I made. I'm looking to move past but it's hard some days.
​
Anyway, this brings me to the AITA. I downloaded Grindr and realized how quickly things work with guys. The conversation flows much easier, they're straightforward with what they want while also always respecting boundaries. I can't develop attraction for men but I have met up with them. It leaves a complete hole in me every time I do it but because I don't get chased/complimented/desired by women as easily, I keep going back. I don't enjoy the sex, I don't enjoy the conversations, nothing about men attracts me yet I still do it and I don't know why. I can hook-up with a guy who's super attractive and he'll call me attractive but attractive women don't come anywhere near me.
​
So AITA for leading on some men? AITA for using men for comfort and then ghosting when I realize it's wrong or I've had enough? Idk what I'm doing and while I don't want to hurt people, I know I've definitely already hurt a few who thought they could turn me gay. | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 9
} | WRONG |
99WhmqaAeLZEABxUvi4rQ1rYmgztJiOU | axdxe2 | {
"description": "not breaking things off",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for not breaking things off? | Throwaway account just in case.
About four months ago, I (M18) asked another guy (M19) out. For the sake of simplicity, we'll call him Sean. I'm openly bisexual (my parents were very loving and accepting despite their southern beliefs; don't stereotype, kids!) and I had a crush on him for about two months before working up the courage to tell him I liked him. We talked about it and decided to start dating.
Sean is a closeted bisexual and is dead-set on the idea that his parents would immediately disown him on the spot and informed me on one of our first dates that he was "not out and had no intention of coming out to [his] parents in the future, ever." For someone who spent a multitude of years hiding their sexuality from their parents, I loathed the idea of keeping our relationship a secret. However, I liked him so I was willing to wait things out and see how it went.
About two weeks passed and I started to feel like I made the wrong decision. Sean had a lot of emotional problems occurring at home and pushed a lot of that onto me. I still gave it a chance though, as we were only two weeks in.
It was exhausting, however, because I was also dealing with escaping from a very emotionally abusive friendship and all of these factors left me drained. Even as I knew the relationship wasn't going well, breaking up with someone added on anxiety so I figured if I waited, maybe I'd regain the feelings I felt at the beginning.
My university let out for winter break and I was struck by the full-force realization that things weren't going to work out between us- and to make everything worse, I realized that I had a real crush on someone else (20F) that felt truer than any emotion I felt for Sean. Since Sean lived about five hours away from where I was staying for break, I steeled myself to end things with him as soon as winter break was over. But the moment I got back, I was slapped in the face with a multitude of legal battles against the person who abused me the semester prior. Under the stress of fighting to get a restraining order and coping with the anxiety that comes along with having a stalker, I simply could not bring myself to break up with him.
Now he is opening up about his innermost anxieties and talking about a future together- which would make me uncomfortable even if I was in a long-term relationship (I'm 18, I'm more worried about keeping up my grades than my future family). I don't think I can keep this up, but he is so emotionally reliant on me that I'm worried he's going to hurt himself if I break up with him. I feel like I'm the asshole for letting things get this bad even though I had other stressors to deal with. Am I?
Side note: Sean has been telling me recently that he experiences a lot of homophobic thoughts, going as far to say how he thinks his life would be much easier if he was straight (before quickly following it up with "I feel so guilty saying that to you") and its taking a toll on my mental health. | HISTORICAL | {
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7xC7zKA9FnHsg6qYoGwOyB9FDtEnpRB3 | 9tedjw | {
"description": "parking like this",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
} | AITA for parking like this? | I thought I parked a little off a few nights ago but was too lazy to check and see. Does me not looking make me an asshole?
Image: https://imgur.com/gallery/8yh6gIs | HISTORICAL | {
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} | WRONG |
1XRmTUjOE50uzJhKqNbIM6t2Na0nVEyM | b30r5w | {
"description": "asking my girlfriend to stop discussing our intimate life outside our relationship",
"pronormative_score": 46,
"contranormative_score": 448
} | AITA for asking my girlfriend to stop discussing our intimate life outside our relationship? | My girlfriend started going to therapy for anxiety and such. I usually ask what they talked about when we talk about our days, and she told me she told her therapist about the ins and outs of our relationship, including sex and intimacy. I asked her not to do that anymore because that should be private, and she accused me of interfering with her progress. AITA for this request? | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 46,
"WRONG": 448
} | WRONG |
QEvkgHpXwVedXPUlnn1B50jCsiNGgZrB | akr13b | {
"description": "telling someone they should really use headphones in the gym",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | WIBTA if I told someone they should really use headphones in the gym? | So the gym in my apartment complex is pretty small. I guess you could say it’s a “semi private” gym because it’s only open to residents of the complex. It’s one room and has about 4 cardio machines, and 1 weightlifting machine. The entire room I can estimate to be about 25 ft long and 25 ft wide, so being such a small space naturally it can get a little cramped at times.
There’s this girl who started working out at the start of January. The first time she came in, she started playing her music out loud. My first reaction was to give the benefit of the doubt. It’s a new year. Maybe she’s just starting out and hasn’t gotten around to buying headphones? Okay that’s fine. But it’s been weeks now and every single time she comes in to workout, she plays her music out loud for everyone to hear. Even with my headphones on and the volume turned up, I can still hear the drone of her music in the background. I know other people in the gym are annoyed, or seem to be cause I’ve seen a few people giving some stares, but no one has ever said anything.
Maybe I’m being way too sensitive and making this up, but isn’t it customary to use headphones when listening to music while working out in a gym? Especially if there’s other people there? Would this annoy anyone else or am I being dramatic? I just don’t understand cause personally, I would never in a million years even think about forcing other people to listen to my music out loud in the gym. I’d be too self conscious and worried that I was annoying other people!
I’ve thought about saying something to her, politely of course. But I haven’t because 1) I hate confrontation and 2) I’m still unsure if I’d be an ass for even saying anything.
I understand the gym doesn’t revolve around me, and if it bothers me I guess that’s my problem. But at the same time I think it’s quite rude of her to constantly play her music out loud because every single gym I’ve ever worked out in that’s always seen as bad gym etiquette. | HYPOTHETICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 13,
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} | RIGHT |
Bt7w0zEFlntASSSqIruC8Nvjr1qtV1Za | a1je55 | {
"description": "not wanting to talk to my friend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to talk to my friend? | So first, some context. One of my friends recently started dating a guy who is nothing but trouble. Within the first month of their relationship he had cheated on her, been busted for possession (I believe it was meth), and attempted to assault the officer who arrested him. She has since pretty much stopped talking to a lot of her friends, including me. She doesn't seem to want to end the relationship, even considering all the shitty things he'a done. I feel like I should try to contact her, maybe help her or offer some advice on her situation, as we were very good friends before this fiasco and she seems pretty miserable, but at the same time I don't really know how I feel about it, as she doesn't seem to want to talk, or hell even be friends at all anymore. Plus I don't know how I feel about being friends with someone who is willing to be in a relationship with lying addicts. AITA here? | HISTORICAL | {
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fPp4wiTQX9IgzSZBLT617ZhWgLC2LCsf | 9vs31x | {
"description": "not wanting to be involved in raising a child from a one night stand",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for not wanting to be involved in raising a child from a one night stand | 20m and i'm In college with a 18f. I hooked up with this girl one time 7 months ago, used a condom and she said she was on birth control and 7 months later I get a call last week saying that she's pregnant and that it's up to me if I want to be involved in this child's life. She's not pursuing money (her family is filthy rich) and she just wants to know if I want to be a father and that the reason she hasn't contacted me is because she wasn't sure what my name was and she just found out. I wonder if she was lying about being on birth control, I know I used a condom and did my part. If I would've known sooner I would've suggested an abortion or something. I'm not signing any papers saying i'm the father or claiming any father rights. I'm also getting a paternity test just to be 100% sure.
​
I moved and am now 5 hours away from this girl and I don't see how I could throw my life plans away to be with a baby that I feel no attachment too and a girl I don't even know. I'm in nursing school and time strapped as it is. I know nothing about the mother. I grew up with a shitty father and I know from my experience that the kid would be better of with a non existent father then a shitty one. I told the girl that if she ever needed money I would help anomalously, but I do not want to be a father and that i'm sorry that she's going to have to go through being a single mother. I don't want kids and I'm fairly certain I would make a shitty father, due to not wanting to be a father. I also don't think that because I had sex one time, that it justify's me to have to raise a child and have the total responsibility of how this individual works out in life, I do realize that financially i'm required to support it and I have no problem doing that. I honestly think that the child would be better off without me in life and being with someone who teaches the child healthy boundaries and other things that I have no clue about.
​
She's not holding me responsible and I'm not holding me responsible because what 20 year old wouldn't hook up with a pretty girl. I don't feel bad for the kid because she seems like the type to make a great mom and her family is financially and emotionally secure, meanwhile on my side I don't have family, my parents abused me so I left and my uncles and aunt's told me to fuck off when I needed them, So I don't have family. I honestly feel he's better off not knowing who I am and him knowing that his family from his mom's side is good and it being a mystery on his dads side of what he actually comes from.
​
If the kid got famous or became rich in the future I wouldn't come out of the woodworks and claim it because I don't see it as my child. If he came to me in the future when he got older, I would probably let him get to know me, but I wouldn't try to act like his dad. I don't want any part in raising a child. It's either all in or all out and I'm all out.
​
Am I the asshole | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
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TsBRuuaB6CSRLYjpBtNxCrE6K9e0ZRUV | azcc80 | {
"description": "not giving my dads girlfriends little brother a meatball",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not giving my dads girlfriends little brother a meatball? | Title.
Me=me, GF=My dads girlfriend, Dad=D, Her little brother= LB
So some background, I (14M) met my dads (45M) girlfriend (26F, I know it’s weird) about a year ago. She’s a typical 20 something girl, for example she’s basically given everything to her when asked and also connected to Internet and instagram 24/7. She also wants all the expensive stuff like, Gucci, Louis V, iPhone XS Max, AirPods, etc. She also has a little brother who is 8 and he keeps me entertained.
Also, she can be a real bitchy person when pissed off and she gets pissed off easily. My dad can also be “hard headed” but not all the time. So when they argue it’s a real big fight. I’ve seen this happen and it’s caused her to move out two times back to her moms. My dads been through her shit enough times to where he knows just to sometimes leave it alone and that’s what he told me today. It’s kinda annoying to see them argue when I see them do.
I’ve never really had a problem until today. So we were flying from Puerto Rico back home. It’s Me, GF, D, LB and his mom. Now, we had a layover coming back. Now keep in mind all of us have barley eaten except for maybe one meal.
So while waiting for the next flight we sit at little place while charging our phones and I order these meatballs and LBs mom gets him Cheezits. When it comes it’s just 4 regular sized meatballs. Now I won’t be eating for about 4 more hours that’s a long time for a growing teen like me. LB also looked interested in my food and then his mom goes you can’t have any of his food, I’ll get you some if you really want some. Then GF comes over.
GF: Can <her little brothers name> have a meatball?
Me: No, it’s going to be...
And before I got time to explain she walks away. Now I was raised as single child and taught to share pretty good and so I would’ve usually but they could always buy him his own if he wanted.
She went back to her phone while I finished eating and then go to the restroom before it’s time to board and my dad pulls me aside.
D: <GFs name> is pissed off because you didn’t give <little bros name> a meatball.
Me: Oh. Well we won’t be eating for awhile and I haven’t eaten all day.
D: I know but I was going to tell you we could order more food.
Me: Oh I’m sorry I didn’t know.
D: Just...don’t say anything.
Then we go back and by then they ordered him some meatballs.
Then we have our tickets and it’s spilt up 2 and 3 like the last couple of flights and it’s usually: GF on window, D in middle, Me on middle and little bro and his mom on the other side but this time she wants it to be me and my dad and the rest while obviously pissed off. I see my dad texting her while we are sitting and she said
“I just can’t get over it. Sorry.” So I asked my dad
Me: “Did I piss her off?”
D: “She’s always pissed off. *Sigh*”
Now I’m writing this as we fly.
Sorry it was long I just wanted to know your guys opinions.
| HISTORICAL | {
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5cE0RRltDbDGU2JsxiitNE6AwR7dLrNi | a9pbft | {
"description": "getting upset with my wife for going to a \"friends\" house",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 8
} | AITA for getting upset with my wife for going to a "friends" house | Bit of a longer one. I'm a recovering alcoholic for starters. And I realize I have a lot to fix but my wife has a friend that absolutely hates me. Has on occasion tried to get her to divorce me, talks badly behind my back about me. 1st we were all friends and all was well until my alcoholism took control months and months ago. Said friend told my wife I'm no longer allowed. That was fine when I was drinking. But now I'm sobered up 8 months no drink and feel better than ever. But whenever my wife even asks me to go over there I'm begining to feel betrayal. She will go over there at odd hours of the day, most recent one that got me was when she left at 8pm said she would only be an hour and come 10 11 PM here she is finally just leaving there house.
So I called her out on it and only created a major blow up.
Fast forward to yesterday, she asked me if she could go over for a couple Christmas joints. With out me, I about lost it. Again i felt like she didnt want to be around me. So i told her do to whatever she wanted and that our daughter and I would just enjoy the day here by our self's. I'll admit I wasn't very nice about it. She ends up not going and I ruined Christmas for her apparently but getting upset that she wanted to go over there.
Bit more back story, we are severally broke due to unforeseen problems. I continue to tell her we dont really even have the gas for her to be going across town every day. At this point it's a daily for hours on end shes gone over there doing God knows what in my mind. We dont have the extra funds to be buying pot ect. This has again somehow fallen back to me being a controlling narcissist. I admit I've got issues, but I thought I was being pretty rational about it.
I have offered to go to counseling to no real effect, I've offered just a once weekly it's ok to go over there with backlash. So one of the last times she was gone longer than what she had said I blatantly told her I thought she was cheating on me. And that ended badly also. Shes not cheating. Theres so much more to this that I cant quite get it down here. But aita for getting upset with her for doing to a friends house the I've been explicitly banned from?
| HISTORICAL | {
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clkN0hh2xpxhwB6JzUnHsb8IfEqL0rC2 | asfv7x | null | AITA: Indirectly broke a dryer at a laundromat then gave a fake name and number to the owner | Cross-posted (verbatim) with permission from original poster u/basura67. Original can be found in r/confession
Last night was doing laundry at the local laundromat. I had 3 washers going at once. Now normally, you fill the wash, add detergent, add quarters and select the cycle. When I pressed the cycle button normally the previously selected cycle button pops out kinda like a switch. I didn't notice it but it happened with this washer. So the washer had 2 cycle buttons pressed. About half hour goes by and washer 1&2 are done but washer 3 is still on the first part of the cycle. Now it being 9pm and with the placing closing at 10 I decide to take the unfinished soaking wet clothes and put them in the dryer. About 2 minutes into the dryer the laundry attendant said I broke the dryer bc of the wet clothes. She took my wet clothes and put it in machine that just spins the clothes dry and then put them back in the dryer. She asked for my name and phone number so I wrote down "Trevor Lahey" and some random collection of 10 digits. Those of you who watch Trailer Park Boys will understand. So as the the last dryer is finishing the owner comes in ask me what happened. He couldn't believe that washer 3 didn't spin dry my clothes and was stuck in the same cycle for 1.5 hours until I had to physically show him how all the other washers work the same except for washer 3. He still even tried to spin it on me for breaking the dryer bc I didn't tell the attendant about the washer. So anyway he grabbed the piece of paper with my fake name and number and said that he'll give me a call tomorrow (today) to see how much the dryer is gonna cost to be fixed or replaced. Lol fuck off
So my question is, is OP the asshole for giving the wrong information to the owner, or is the owner the asshole for expecting OP to pay for the dryer? | HISTORICAL | {
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zJACfxl8HAlh0UgCww5UMVEhFuQz8f03 | a5zml2 | {
"description": "backing out of an interview that I already agreed to",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for backing out of an interview that I already agreed to? | I recently had a phone interview with a company for a data scientist position. In my opinion, it went very badly (I had given my resume to a previous coworker who works at the company currently. Even though I am a masters student and haven’t had research experience since Aug 2016, the company wanted me to apply to their data scientist opening. The qualifications on the posting were: Masters degree and at least 2 years experience in data science) Of course I was upset after getting off the phone but I figured “oh well, I’m sure I’ll never hear from them again”.
Well, soon after hanging up, I got an email saying that they’d like to do an on site interview the following week where we would talk more about my experience/background for 15-20 minutes and then they’d give me a tour of their labs. I agreed, even though I felt that the phone interview had gone horribly. I sent my availability for the next week.
There response was basically “let’s do 9am on Friday. You will need to make a 20 minute long presentation about your past research. Send the PowerPoint to me the night before.”
So, I graciously backed out, saying that I didn’t believe the position was a good fit for me at this time.
I told them that I had virtually zero research experience over the phone. Why would they tell me to create a 20 min PowerPoint knowing that?
Either way, apparently the team I interviewed with spoke to my former coworker and said I seemed to be “scared off or something”.
*I would have never agreed to the second interview if they had told me straight up that I needed to create a presentation*
Am I the asshole for backing out after initially agreeing?
Thanks, y’all. | HISTORICAL | {
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mfuBsPZb3PscHeDLfWieqiA2VY6fGbB5 | ba5w54 | {
"description": "not liking my brother's Facebook page",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 6
} | AITA for not liking my brother's Facebook page | So, my brother is running for city council, and wants me to like his Facebook page, for publicity. The point is, I don't even use Facebook, only use it to talk to my family, so nobody else from the city will be able to see it. Plus, I'm always telling people I know and live in the area that he's running. There is no point if I like the page or not, so why do it in the first place? I'm not even the most sociable person, and I've lost contact to most people. So, AITA? | HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 6
} | WRONG |
Uu7E4gBzl5p9FPyf4HhjhJK3Drm5Vt0r | au431c | {
"description": "being grumpy at my mil",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for being grumpy at my MiL | I get the feeling I am being an entitled child.
Dated my husband for a few years then got married. My parents were abusive so I kinda moved in to their place shortly after. It wasn’t official but they were extremely welcoming and I was extremely unintrusive. (I never left the room except for work, I would even wait to use the bathroom after they went to bed)
I moved out with my husband to my brothers house. My husband comes home one day after finding his father dead on the floor and his mom going through a 30 hour surgery on her back and I demanded we move back in to take care of her.
I Stripped the apartment clean (It was a hoarders paradise) and scrubbed and steamed the floor where the body was.
My husband did not want to move in but I felt too strong to leave it to chance.
I did any renovations she needs.
She signed a contract years ago that her heat and hydro didn't cost extra and Currently the rent is $1200.
She is on disability and makes just over 2K a month. She has some medications not covered by OHIP but my husband pays for her cable and her car insurance.
My husband is a student in college and I work minimum wage.
I am extremely struggling to handle both our bills.
Every so often she asks for rent money, not every month but I do feel like she does want it every month. Nothing outrageous, a very generous amount of only 300$ a month.
That being said it is sometimes two of my paycheques and I Feel an intense amount of guilt if I don’t have it that month.
What I Feel like a bratty child about, even despite living almost living rent free, she still expects it from us when she’s aware how bad we are struggling.
She does buy food, an *Intense* amount of food, more then a family of 3 could even eat. But almost all of it goes bad. She barely eats and my husband and I buy our own food. She also knows this but still buys a great amount of fresh fruit and meat. We have two freezers and a fridge overpacked with rotten food because if we throw it out she’ll buy more.
I guess my gripe is that I see her wasting quite a bit of money on food and not things that she could enjoy like hobbies or personal care items but still asks for money from us to buy more food that goes bad.
I know another part that makes me the asshole is I Do not help around the house. I used to try, but if I do go out there at all she hovers around me and can get upset when I try to throw garbage out. She’s not an intense hoarder but It causes a huge amount of tension so I try to avoid it as much as possible.
I do want to clean more but I've had chronic depression and living here makes it worse. Im overwhelmed.
I essentially come home, go straight to my room and hide all day. She never used to charge my husband rent when he was working full time before I moved in.
So I don’t take up extra utilities, I don’t take up extra room.
I'd be happy to pay if my husband was out of college and my hours pick back up. | HISTORICAL | {
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5Uj4pDTKGtQeblbWPCnleJSy17yGizJI | b71yh6 | {
"description": "expecting my friend to care about me bleeding in her parents car and crying",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 13
} | AITA for expecting my friend to care about me bleeding in her parents car and crying? | So, today, I was walk with 2 friends to the place where one of their parents were collecting us from school. When we got there I tripped in a pot hole , twisted my foot and scratched up my knee pretty bad. I lash out when I get hurt physically and when one of them asked if I'm ok I said, kinda meanly "Do I look ok?!" I know that I was being an asshole there, but then they proceeded to ignore me bleeding heavily from 5 separate cuts on my knee and the fact that I was limping.
My friend's mother arrives and since I was sitting in the back she didn't notice the bleeding or the silent crying (I never cry out loud, it makes me feel like a baby oof) however! My friend sitting in the back with me ignores me the whole ride home, and she was cracking jokes with my other friend the whole time. I stayed quiet the whole way home. So, am I the asshole??? (Also I sprained my foot and it hurts to walk on, I'm seeing a doctor tomorrow) | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 13
} | WRONG |
iKL4sBtiL8bEApU0sw3aOJh1WNW9r53K | auouhc | {
"description": "not wanting to keep messaging this girl",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA if I don’t want to keep messaging this girl | Some backstory - she used to have a thing for me. I didn’t have mutual feelings but we agreed to stay friends.
We used to text a fair bit but the last few months I don’t text anywhere near as much as I used to. Partly because I find it tedious but also because I’m genuinely busy with social and uni life. If I do text someone in my free time, it’s usually someone I’m close with.
In all fairness, I do take a while to reply to her. But we aren’t having a conversation. She’ll tell me something and the conversation is kind of at an end. I’m not really interested in continuing the conversation so I don’t. Today, I finished university at 5pm and got back in my flat at 20 past. By half 5 I was greeted with a “What the actual fuck is going on?” Because I hadn’t text her since last night. This is the second time this has happened so I lost it a bit. My response:
“Are you fucking serious right now? You’re not my girlfriend. I’m not in any commitment with you. We’re friends. If I don’t reply to you for a few hours, there isn’t some malicious reason, it’s a) I’m busy, or b) I’m not interested in talking with someone. If it was serious, you can call me. I’ve recently broken up with my partner and I’m not going to be treated like I’m in some new commitment with you because you can’t go a day without texting.”
I know it seems harsh, but seriously this person is overbearing. She’ll make random sexual comments in a conversation, which I make no acknowledgement of, thinking she’ll get that I’m not interested. She’ll try to get my attention by claiming something awful has happened and it turns out to be absolutely nothing. We’re friends, that’s all, nothing more. I’ve told her this. But for some reason she’s making it seem like I need to “accept some responsibility” and “try to understand [her] position.”
This especially is irritating when I’m currently speaking to someone who I am genuinely quite interested in.
AITA?
TL;DR: girl is acting like I owe her some commitment despite me clearly stating I’m not a big texter. | HISTORICAL | {
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cXczZog1SmLXNO8IWMcCj5DpuPsSKIQb | amr4ky | {
"description": "telling my girlfriend I don't feel appreciated",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for telling my girlfriend I don't feel appreciated | Bit of backround: I work part time while going to school and my girlfriend pay for groceries and gas on my own, while me and my girlfriend split the rent. For chores, I cook supper every night (lunch when we're home), clean both our dishes everyday, and clean the kitchen and the dining table and do the trash by myself while she cleans our living room and does laundry once a week or every 2 weeks (sometimes I do it for her). I also drive my girlfriend everywhere even though she has her licences and sometimes have to drive her 10 mins to home and back because she doesnt want to have to wait 20 mins for takeout to be ready for example.
This happened yesterday, I asked her to make supper last night as I wasn't feeling up to it that night. She let's me know while I'm about halfway through my shift that she doesnt want to cook so we should just go out to eat. Fine I figured we'd just go to the restaurant by our place nbd. We get in the car and asks to go to X restaurant about an extra 10 mins away. Okay, we get there, I pay for both of our meals,both fairly large portions, ones that she's never been able to eat in one sitting before. We get on the road and I make a comment how it's not a bad meal and she says that it would've been better with ice cream. This irks me because I've already left the drive through and apparently the food I bought her wasnt good enough. I offer to go back through but she refuses. She makes little comments like these all the time and I've told her it hurts my feelings so I mention that I don't feel appreciated when she says stuff like that. She then says it's not a good enough reason to get mad at her.
So am I the asshole for getting upset? Should I just not mention it anymore?
tl:dr took a break from cooking, went out to eat with the gf, bought her fast food and she said it wasn't good enough because I didn't get her ice cream. Told her I didn't feel appreciated, she said I can't feel that way. | HISTORICAL | {
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"RIGHT": 5,
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} | RIGHT |
1tU9i3TlNzBVrYpInAbVGiOoq9CJZLz6 | axcppl | {
"description": "getting mad at someone for not helping out",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
} | AITA for getting mad at someone for not helping out | Today during my science class we were doing a science experiment. It took a while to set up, and get everything ready. When we started to do the experiment, she left and began talking to another group that had to read something. She was gone the entire time and made us do the work/clean everything up. We could have used the extra set of hands, but the loss of her made the entire thing harder. It also took us a while to clean everything up while she was having fun doing nothing and talking to her friends. We go back to our table and I get mad at her for leaving us when she asks for all the answers. It wasn’t too harsh, no yelling or anything, I just got mad and just said that she should pull her own weight and not expect us to do everything for her. The other group mates also shared their anger by just nodding or saying, “yeah.” After a while, I noticed she started to cry, I kind of felt bad, but I still felt we were rightfully mad and she was the one over reacting. I still feel bad, so I want to know what everyone else thinks. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
} | RIGHT |
c1r5h1CjfNQPwJJnYx5GmB1yh8RyQKOk | aklnl9 | {
"description": "cutting my last friend outta my life",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
} | AITA for cutting my last friend outta my life | (sorry if none of this makes sense, I'm quite tired, and I'm typing this on my phone which has a messed up keyboard or something)
So I made this account just to make this post. I need some outside opinions (people that haven't met this person because they all agree with me). And this one's gonna be quite long, sorry. I have a lot to say. And I wish I could try to think of what her reasonings were, but I just can't. If this kind of falls underneath the validation thing in the rules, feel free to delete it.
So I had this one friend, lets just call her M, and if she somehow has a Reddit and finds this, oh well, now she'll know my side.
Anyways, M kinda forced me to be her friend in middle school. She'd just come up to me and start talking about horses or something (my favorite animal and she had 2). Well flash forward a few years to high school, my junior year, her sophomore year. We had hung out countless times, going to movies, the beach, etc. We we're BFFs. Over these years, I've spotted little lies here and there like M would say her dad steals her money from her room or she would tell me she was failing a class, then a week later tell me her mom grounded her for that bad grade but swore that she had an A in the class and her mom was just evil (she's actually pretty cool lol). Oh and at this point I am participating in a program called Running Start, where instead of the last two years of high school, I go to college.
The next year, she starts Running Start as well, but different college, and I'm continuing on doing my thing. She starts telling me that she's failing classes and that her teachers are purposely failing her. Now this is a big turning point for me... I had a medieval class where instead of a final test, we had a feast where we did presentations and had music and 'authentic' food. We could bring a guest so I asked her. She gave me this big long drawn-out story about how she couldn't go because she was failing all of her classes and her mom grounded her and she had chores to do blah blah blah. I just brought my sister and we had a blast. On the way home she text me asking if I could go to the beach... Some of you may see why I got really pissed. I was super excited for her to come and meet my classmates and my professor, but nnoooooo, she had to do what she wanted to do and I had to make time for her but God forbid she make time for me. And after this I really started to notice things like that, her demanding that I hang out with her, but she wouldn't make time for me.
Then M goes to Alaska for the summer and it was all right, we just texted when we could and went about our daily lives. And then she came back, everything was the same old "make time for me and not yourself" routine for a whole year. Oh yeah, and we asked her to watch our two dogs 5 cats and God knows how many chickens while we went to a Seahawks game, and my grandma said that every time she stopped by here to double-check, nothing was done. Like NOTHING. no food, no water, the chickens were not let out. NOTHING. Neighbors saw nothing too. The only evidence we had that she was actually here is that my dad asked her to record the game we went to see because he's weird( wanted to see if we were on the phone and see close ups of the stuff we missed etc.). I don't say anything to her because I was just so angry I didn't know what to say and I just continued on as is.
So it summer of 2018 and M goes to Alaska again, but this time, she constantly texted me about how I should move up there and I need to explore and travel or something ( I am a homebody, I have no desire to travel, I did enough of that as a kid, I just want to stay in one spot right now). She was almost demanding that I move up there or at least visit, and at this point things were getting good at my new job and I couldn't ask for a whole month off, especially since one of my co-workers actually quit because he was going up there with M + family. Again, she wanted me to drop every aspect of my life to visit her. We get into a huge fight, I call her out on her BS, and I stop talking. Well apparently she called her mom and her mom called me to see what was happening, and lo and behold her mom agreed with me. We kind of start talking again but I'm still really angry.
I believe it was right after the 2nd Alaska trip, M decided to join the national guard. Now I have nothing against the national guard, but I guess I should describe my friend. . . she's like five foot four, like a hundred twenty pounds soaking wet just this tiny gal and she had a broken/messed up hip at one point that still gives her lots of trouble (bucked of a horse). Now, I kept telling her that I don't think it's a good idea because I don't think she can make it through boot camp with her hip because she can't even go on a walk without complaining. I just tell her to think about it and not rush into things. During this, she told me that she was going to have a higher up spot just because her dad was fish and wildlife so she kept saying well my dad has connections I'm going to start at a higher rank blah blah blah. More lies (unless that actually happens, let me know but that sounds like complete and utter BS to me). Oh yeah, and since her dad was fish and wildlife, apparently that got her out of getting speeding tickets??? or it was that she got a ticket even by mentioning her last name so she couldn't get her story straight with that one either. And she didn't need to use those park permits for when parking in special locations( like parks and lakes) ?? Yeah righr, total BS.
Okay, and this is the last part I have to say. I was on Facebook minding my own business and I came across a video of a dog in a shelter in California, I live in Washington, and she was going to be put down. And she was just a beautiful sable German Shepherd, my favorite breed of dog. I already have two, Ben and Delia hence the username. I'm assuming that M has always been jealous of my dogs in a way. I got Delia and then she got a dog. I got Ben and then she was on the hunt forever for another dog but her parents wouldn't let her have one because they already had two other family dogs ( So 3 in total). She always brought up the point that I have 2 and she has 1, but I have to keep telling her that she technically has three. Oh yeah, and two of the dogs get to sleep inside while there duck hunting lab has to sleep out in the garage in a kennel, I definitely don't think that's fair.
I had my heart set on this dog. I don't know what it was but I could not get her out of my mind, I knew I had to try and save her. I kept telling everyone that if I don't get this dog and someone else does I'll be happy I don't care, as long as she gets adopted but I'm the only one that took interest in her (but don't worry guys, she eventually did get adopted ). I was planning a road trip down the California, every small detail from what restaurants we would stop by on the way what gas stations I would need to stop at. Everything. I asked M to be my navigator and second driver. She signed up immediately because there's huskies in the same area as the dog I wanted ( her current dog is a husky so she wanted two). I think something flipped in her head that reminded her that she would only technically have two dogs and I would have three so she was just "well I don't think this is a good idea" and " you need to work more with Bentley & you don't have time for another dog" etc. Now I love her dog to death, he is such a character, but she has no idea what she's doing with a husky (granted, I don't have any husky experience but I can see that she doesn't know what she's doing). She has this dog wearing a harness, a collar, a pinch collar, and a head collar or a muzzle all at once because she can't control him (i.e she complains that he pulls when she uses his harness, HE'S A HUSKY! NO SHIT!) And you want two? Good luck! So that's pretty much what I told her. I told her that she honestly does not deserve another dog because she can't even control the one that she has and I told her that if she wants another dog, get the dog out of the garage and take care of it. There are probably some other things I said, but I don't remember because I deleted the conversation, I was so done. I do know that the last thing she said was "if you go, don't ask me to come" or something along those lines, as if I would!
I have not answered any of her texts, I have not answered any calls, I've talked to her mom a little bit but I have not told her the while shebang, I just told her that I have my reasons and I will get back to her. They recently got back from a vacation, and I don't know if she's lying or not, but she said she got mugged. Now if she did, I feel terrible, I do, but knowing her history I can't believe her. She even texted my mom telling her that she got mugged. She texted me "I got mugged while on holiday figured I text you before I get a new phone" or something like that, but she texted me on her phone in messages... Then she went and sent me messages on my Facebook messages all like 'oh we miss you' and assuming sent a picture of her family? So if you need a new phone because you got mugged, how are you texting me on your phone?? and remember the whole national guard thing, she got in and she's leaving, really soon. So there's that guilt trip will as well.
I think that's it, I'm sorry this is so long but there is just a lot. Sorry if there's any spelling or grammar mistakes that don't make sense, had a really long day and I just discovered that this subreddit was a thing and I just had to make this.
TLDR: caught my friend telling lots of little lies, she never made time for me, but demanded my time. Always used her dad as an excuse to break the law/tried to say she get a better position in the national guard because of | HISTORICAL | {
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} | AUTHOR | {
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} | WRONG |
gN3o5roAUA0NvxcvESCkDpUYjhpxKPOi | a2yjdw | {
"description": "not attending the prize distribution after participating for an event",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not attending the prize distribution after participating for an event? | I recently participated in a business idea presentation event organised by my college. It was end of semester, and I really did not want to miss any lectures, so I completely planned out my schedule that day, to make the most of my time.
I had a really important lecture to attend right after my presentation. So, the moment our team completed the presentation, I informed my team-mates about the lecture, and left the auditorium.
Turned out that the judges really liked our team's presentation, and we got the first place. However, I couldn't attend the prize distribution ceremony because of the lecture. I only realised that our team won a prize after I met them outside the lecture hall, after the lecture, when they handed me my trophy and certificate.
Being the *team leader*, my team mates told me that I should've missed this lecture to attend the prize distribution.
TL;DR - AITA for attending an important lecture and missing the prize distribution that was held right after the event? Does being the team leader make it important for me to *be with the team* while receiving the prize? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
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} | RIGHT |
B80uHNOor69aawdsW5JU2dMQgL0sv6w7 | 9u21xd | {
"description": "not doing business with Armenians",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 11
} | AITA for not doing business with Armenians? | I'm an operations manager at a mid-sized manufacturing company. Part of my job is to hash out details, specifications, and price with customers/clients. Over the years that I've been here, we've had close to 20 clients that have refused to pay the final balance and all of them have been Armenian. And taking them to court is pretty much fruitless because they just close up shop and open under a new name.
Dealing with them in general is a nightmare. My team and I waste so many hours trying to track them down and get them to pay the invoice so we can start production. They try to haggle with the price weeks/months after agreeing to the original price. They scuff up a couple dozen of the products and try to claim that they've been damaged on our end and want the rest for free. Etc etc.
Starting this past summer, I stopped responding to price quote requests from anyone with a -yan or -ian in their last name and haven't had an issue with a client since.
Am I an asshole? | HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 0
} | AUTHOR | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 11
} | WRONG |
1PgvWXBX7M7mVzhYprctVwZbG3Adk53Q | a4qifa | {
"description": "not talking to my mentally disabled uncle",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not talking to my mentally disabled uncle? | Hello r/AmItheAsshole, I'm a huge lurker on the sub and I have a situation that has been bothering me and wanted some judgement.
My uncle is around 50 years old now and has the mental capacity of a kid nowadays. It wasn't always like this. At an early age (maybe 10 or 12?), he was an extreme alcoholic. He would steal money from my grandmother and steal items from all of our families houses to pawn off for some money for beer. My father isn't in the picture and my mother would have to work a lot of shifts while I was growing up and I never felt comfortable with my uncle driving me to school because he was drunk as a skunk so I would walk. When I got back from school, I would be at my grandmother's house (where he used to live) and would stay in her room the entire time until my mother came. When I was old enough to get a job, he would beg me for money and I thought that I give it to him, he wouldn't ask my mom (I just want to ease her troubles) and gave in.
In addition to his alcoholism, he's diagnosed with schizophrenia and that would frighten me even more especially when one Christmas the family had to lock him out of the house because he was screaming and banging on the windows screaming he will kill us. That night, it was very icy because of a recent snowstorm and he slipped and cracked his head open. We rushed him to the hospital and found that he had some brain damage and because of him constantly drinking, he developed so many ulcers in his liver that the doctors said if he were to drink again, it could very well mean death.
Now that my uncle now has the mental capacity of a child, my mother is so selfless and took him in when my grandmother passed away. When I used to live in the house (moved for college), I rarely made conversation with him. He would only remember nice memories of our relationship like how I got my nicknames and how we used to jam out of ACDC. But it doesn't seem that he has a recollection of how he used to be which makes me question my actions. My mother tells me that I should try to make an effort to talk to him but I don't know. I still remember him as the person I used to be scared of as a kid because of the things he would do to hurt others.
AITA for not letting go of the past and start fresh with my uncle? Any insight will be helpful. | HISTORICAL | {
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 1,
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} | RIGHT |
RsQTeyuR63SEuEt4rZ7yrAbJ49kEFYfz | apbafu | {
"description": "not wanting to speak to family the stole thousands from me and got away with it",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for not wanting to speak to family the stole thousands from me and got away with it. | My father was given my grandmothers house. My father put my aunt on the house too as he felt bad she was not included in the will.
Aunt passed away and because her name was half on the house it paid off the mortgage(a very small one for repairs). House then had her 2 daughters named added.
My dad lived in the house from the day my grandmother passed, my aunt planned on building on the property(100 acres) on retirement which is why she was happy her name was on it too.
My father passed away. My stepmother continued to live in the house. Me and my cousins communicated often regarding the house and my stepmom living there and not taking care of the house or paying taxes. All conversations mentioned the house was all 4 of ours..my 2 cousins and me and my brother. My dad from the time my aunt passed away repeatedly said the house is between the four of us and the cousins never debated this.
Well, until they sold the house and took the entire profit for themselves ($60,000). They knew financially I could not fight it in court as in Canada this cannot go to small claims.
The fun part, the house taxes were never paid by my stepmom, so the house went up for tax sale. I informed my cousins as they do not live near by. I called the tax office and they said the house was only in one cousins name.
At that point the house was sold and the agreement was the profit would be divided. After fees, taxes, travel, moving costs, lawyers, the profit was to be divided. It was casually mentioned by them daily it was the 4 of ours.
I am angry they did not divide it. They feel they are in the right and did nothing wrong, called me money hungry when I asked about my share. We have not spoken in 4 years. I feel that they led me to believe there would be no issue and the house would be divided evenly without question.
Why this bothers me is I loved my cousins up until then. After that they were so cold about everything and denied it was ever mine. I guess they knew all along but I didn't, why talk for years like its ours?
This week their father passed away. He was sweet and kind, no hard feelings there. Oddly enough they distanced themselves as he stole money from his mom. I want to message them and say sorry for your loss. I am, but I really don't want to speak with them. If they would admit wrong doing maybe...but... I want to forgive them but I just cannot. They both inherited half a million from an aunt, they did not need they extra 30,000. It would have helped me and my family greatly.
I honestly cannot get rid of my disgust for them. Do I have money issues? I am kind to everyone I know, I work with people with disabilities, I can look past do much in my field of work. I feel guilty for not being able to look past it.
Should I forgive and forget? Is family more important than money..yes it is but it feels like stealing.
| HISTORICAL | {
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"OTHER": 3,
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} | OTHER | {
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
Q695xkwq8EQEpAW5nsPQrRBa1IsMDptn | axeops | {
"description": "getting angry at my so for coming home steaming drunk on a Monday",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
} | AITA for getting angry at my SO for coming home steaming drunk on a Monday? | Tonight he texts me to say he’s going for a drink with a friend and will be back around 9. We have 0 food in the house so I ask him if he’s passing a shop on the way back, if not I’ll just go out and get my groceries myself. He says he’ll grab them for me.
9,10,11 passes and he’s not back yet and not much response from him on the phone. But like, fair enough, he can go have a drink if he wants right? I’m not his mother. But I’m literally starving, and now it’s too late to go out and get something myself.
He comes home at midnight steaming drunk. Not like that funny drunk where your just not making any sense etc. I mean like, that sloppy drunk, where your slurring your words and stumbling around. And he bursts into the bedroom like, “I forgot this, this and this” like really loud and falling all over the place. And I could not deal, and said “you’re way to drunk for me right now” and left the room and have been in a mood with him since.
Now he’s upset with me, because he went all the way to the shop to get food for me and feels like I threw it back in his face by being pissed off with him because of the state he was in and says he shouldn’t be made to feel bad.
AITA in this situation?? I feel like I don’t have a right to control him, he’s allowed to do whatever he wants, plus even though he forgot everything I asked him to get, he did go to the shop. But I also have a right to not be subjected to a loud drunken entrance at midnight on a Monday, and a night of throwing up right..?
| HISTORICAL | {
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 2
} | NOBODY | {
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
} | RIGHT |
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